Signs You Need to Grow Up

Reading the road signs of adulthood.

The department of motor vehicles in your state will not issue you a driver's license until you can prove to them (on a test, administered in a crowded building by less-than-happy DMV employees, usually) that you not only know how to read all road signs, but that you can also interpret what they mean. The DMV wants to know you are competent enough to obey posted signs—signs that indicate laws that were established for our protection.

God has established laws in the universe He created. His laws are for our benefit and blessing, to protect us and keep us from harming others and ourselves. He has given us signs that He cares for us by establishing laws governing our behavior. He's given us the Bible, the church, pastors and teachers and leaders, our parents, coaches and the experience of older people to warn us. If we ignore the signs, we pay the price, just as ignoring road signs could cost us a speeding ticket or a head-on collision. It could cost us a fine, our privilege of driving or even our life. So it's much better to read the signs and obey them. Or as one observer of life has pointedly reminded all of us, “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Below, you'll find a basic list of words, attitudes, behaviors, actions and reactions to serve as a grid ... a grid by which you can judge your own level of emotional, spiritual, social and financial maturity. Look at them as you would look at road signs.

As you consider your maturity level, do not be discouraged if you realize you do indeed need to grow up in one or more areas. Rather, be motivated to change, make course corrections, get help, seek a mentor, read some books, see a counselor, change jobs. If you merely feel bad over being immature, you've missed the point. Think of these words as shining a light into your life that will illuminate you to yourself. You may need to grow up if ...

You are over 30 years old and still live with your parents. With the exceptions of caring for aging or sick family members or the sudden loss of a job, by your 30s, unless there is a physical or mental limitation, you should be self-sufficient enough to leave the nest.

You have never had a job of any kind for more than six months. If you have never worked, you need a job. Any job will do. Just start somewhere. You need the experience. If you've had numerous jobs over the years and none of them have lasted very long, it may be a sign that you are lazy or easily bored or have a problem being told what to  do by a boss.

You are unable to pay your basic bills each month. Without assistance from family members or friends, you simply could not make it financially. This includes car insurance, rent, groceries, power bill and basic medical expenses. If you can't pay your basic bills, you will cause a train wreck later on.

As a general rule, you lack self-control in your life. Whether it's your spending habits, how much you eat, the amount of time you spend watching TV or your constant obsession with being online (checking email, Facebook, Twitter or YouTube), these are signs of immaturity, and are a crucial red flag that points to an inability to control your desires.

Your relationships look more like a roller coaster than a marathon. You are unable to develop long-term relationships with the opposite sex. You've never learned how to push through problems, boredom or conflict, and your default mechanism is to break it off and start a new one. Your past is filled with failure in the area of commitment.

You always play the victim. You're always secretly trying to uncover a conspiracy by your peers to exclude you from social outings, parties, get-togethers or group dates. It's immature to think the cosmic forces of nature and love have combined their powers to hurt you. None of us are that important in the grand scheme of things.

You tend to speak negatively of other people. Whether in one-on-one conversations or in large groups, your habit is to bash or attack someone who is not present to defend themselves. Immature people say things about people behind their backs (or online) that they would never dream of saying to their faces.

You are plagued by jealousy. Little children get upset on the playground when they see their best friend playing with or talking to another child. Grown-ups get past this stage ... at least they should. Are you consistently jealous of other people's possessions, salaries, houses, cars, friends, physical appearance or family? Can you celebrate the blessings of God in others' lives? Or does God's goodness to others stir up envy inside your heart toward them?

You have trouble finishing. My two sons are notorious for starting little projects around the house, getting bored and then abandoning them for us to dean up. They don't know how to finish things yet because they're not even 10 years old. Are you known for beginning things all gung-ho with great passion, but you consistently fizzle out and never see it through? Grown-ups finish what they start.

You are crippled by debt. The most practical area of your life to examine is your finances. If you owe tens of thousands of dollars on credit cards, student loans, your car and so on, then your problem is not your debt. It's immaturity. You haven't yet learned how to live within your means.

You can't say no. If you are the guy or the girl who is always taking care of others, bailing your friends out, staying up til 2 a.m. on the phone trying to talk them out of another crisis, then you will have a rude awakening when your own life expects you to give your undivided attention.

You fall in love too fast. How many times have you told someone that you were "in love" with them since you turned 18? This may be an indication that you need to mature emotionally. Falling in love after every first date shows you haven't really moved very far toward emotional maturity. It also guarantees you will get hurt as often as you fall in love, leaving your heart wounded for years to come.

Your relationships are too physical. If you have a track record of messing around and messing up with just about everyone you've ever liked or dated, this is bad news. When you start out basing a relationship on making out, kissing or fooling around physically, you teach yourself to ignore the other person, their feelings and the self-control that is essential in a godly marriage. Adults draw the line and stand back. Children run ahead without caution and suffer for it.


Taken from: 12 Questions to Ask Before You Marry. Copyright © 2011 by Clayton and Charie King. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission.

Do you think these are good indicators of maturity? What would you add to the list?


Atalie Simpson


Atalie Simpson commented…

Are you serious?
On the broad road to hell?
More like acting like a normal HUMAN BEING and struggling with our sin nature like the BIble says we will when we are trying to be dead to sin and alive in Christ.
So you are telling me you have NEVER struggled with one of these things?
Seriously. Statements like that are what make people never want to become a Christian. Excuse the human race for being human.

Anne Choi


Anne Choi commented…

I think if these where phrased as questions rather than statements this article wouldn't come off as a judgement and harsh. For example " as a general rule" makes its sound like a person is intentionally living without self control. But if you changed it too:" For the most part, do you find yourself going online a lot,watching more than X hours of tv, etc etc? Then you might have an issue with self control. If so, take this as a warning sign...." Other than the quibble of how it was phrased, I found this a good check list for my own lack of maturity. Yes we all struggle and I know there is no possible way that I can fix all these things over night but atleast I know where I can start.

JasmineSkyy Forcer


JasmineSkyy Forcer commented…

I appreciate this article for what it seeks to discuss and analyze. Not sure why people are taking it so offensively... maybe that's a sign they need to grow up lol. Point proven.

Alexandria Randolph


Alexandria Randolph commented…

Most of this I can agree with because there are psychological and spiritual reasons behind why these issues speak to a bigger problem, however, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with living with your parents at ANY age. Where you live is not an issue, only your level of independence versus dependence is important. Independence is an attitude, not an address. I think it's a huge sign of maturity to be able to live with your parents after you've metaphorically spread your wings. It shows that you can balance your reverence of your parents with your self reliance.



Jonathan commented…


I'd say this article is a pretty good "adulthood" barometer give or take a few of the listed points.

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