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Missing lessons: Sex education, etiquette, civics

William Gindlesperger

In a prior column I delicately prognosticated on the value of teaching sex in our schools.  I suggested this be done as early as possible with as much information as kids can handle at each age level.  The idea is that by the time kids are physically old enough to have a baby that they don’t, nor do they end up with an STD or worse.

Bill Gindlesperger

This should not be a one-time here-is-the-biology-of-sex and be done.  Sex is about the soul.  It is a major human drive that is often undeniable and is at its strongest in the pre-teen and teen years. The subject needs to be taught in terms of how sexual activity affects each person involved in the act. Our teachers need to know how and when to answer questions safely without fear of parental retribution. Our parents need to know what resources are available to them and to their kids.

I am not saying that sex needs to be at the top of mind each and every minute. Rather education and counseling services need to be easily available and not in a secret or awkward way that puts off those seeking information, advice or the truth about their own bodies.

But there is more. Our kids need to learn how to survive socially in other ways as well.

How to conduct themselves among others would be a good place to start. Let me give you an example.

I am often invited to speak to groups including students at a number of colleges and universities. I sometimes begin my presentation by shaking hands with each and every participant. I ask their names, where they are from, their academic major, their class standing, their interest or whatever else comes to mind.  I spend a few seconds with each participant.

What is amazing is that the kids are surprised that their speaker is actually interested in them. What is also amazing is that rarely do any of those with whom I am shaking hands bother to stand up to greet me or to ask about me and my interests. They remain seated, shake my hand as quickly as possible and politely answer my questions.

During my presentation some kids listen intently, others show their lack of interest through poor body language, crossed arms, eyes closed, fingers tapping away on their cell phones, etc.  Sometimes they are dressed appropriately, and sometimes the males and females both show more chest, cleavage, legs and worse than I care to see.

To them all of this is normal. It is not that they intend to insult me or to act in a way that is controversial. Rather, again, this is their normal.

And that is the problem.

Just like in sex education, or the lack of it, kids are missing education in the art of dealing with other people. This may be called etiquette or manners. I call it the ability to influence others in a positive way. It is an important key to success in life.

So after introducing myself to each member of the group, I begin my presentation by telling the kids just how disappointed I am in their not having the courtesy to stand when shaking my hand or in their inquiring about me as a person. They always look shocked and hurt. They just did not know or realize. No one has bothered to tell them about common courtesies.

And I fault many parents and the schools for this. If kids do not know, how and where are they to learn? In my case I had to discover these lessons the hard way. I got lucky and learned on the job, because I am observant and tried to please others. Not everyone is wired like me.

How we get along with one another. How we demonstrate respect. How to shake hands. How to show common courtesies like men walking with or behind women - not in front of them. How to eat a meal with lips closed. These things need to be taught in a school environment.

I have been fortunate in being able to sponsor a number of children who attend Milton Hershey School. This is a private school that is available for free to those at or below the poverty level. The Hershey candy company pays all of the costs and expenses for kids to attend.

The Milton Hershey School teaches etiquette, manners and how to survive in the world. Kids who graduate from the high school are many times more adept at meeting people, making a good impression, being independent, obtaining a good job or attending a college or university. They are taught more than reading, writing and arithmetic.

And then there is the problem of our public schools sending graduates out into America with the right to vote and not the first idea about how the government works. In fact recently I was shocked to learn that Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court - or at least that is what a lot of people seem to think.

Civics was a requirement for high school graduation at one time. It needs to be taught so that kids understand the differences between local, county, state and federal governments. Differences between our three branches of government. What is in our constitution, and what is not. The responsibilities of each of our elected officials. Why our state senator cannot help with social security and why our congressman cannot fix the sign at the end of our street.

We argue about whether or not  to teach sex education. We argue about wasting money to teach a non-basic curriculum that could include etiquette. We make civics an optional course. Then we point our fingers at kids who just do not know, and we expect them to be better than we are.

Yes, who wouldn’t agree that educating kids at home about sex, etiquette and civics would be the less expensive and perhaps better option? Yet, who really believes that all parents are equipped and themselves properly educated to teach these lessons?

Perhaps it is our time as a community to be openly supportive of a real education for our kids.
