The Major Relationship Mistake You're Probably Making

Decades worth of research says it's pretty much the worst thing for your bond


The silent treatment isn't something you left back on the playground. In fact, if you've ever been particularly icy or unresponsive after your partner pissed you off, you're probably guilty of it, too. And unfortunately, the results may be way more damaging than you think.

According to new research published in the journal Communication Monographs, the silent treatment is often viewed as a "demand/withdraw" pattern, which is basically where one person demands, critiques, or complains, while the other withdraws passively and defensively. By doing a meta-analysis of 74 studies about this between 1987 and 2011, researchers were able to get a bigger picture about what exactly occurs when this habit becomes the norm.

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The results were overwhelmingly negative. The study authors found that this demand/withdraw pattern was incredibly common, and it was linked to both psychological and physical problems. The silent treatment was associated with higher cortisol levels, depression, divorce, and even physical abuse. Many researchers, therapists and clinicians agreed that while this style of conflict may seem relatively harmless, is it's actually the most damaging, regardless of which gender is leading the charge.

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This pattern should obviously be avoided, but how can you fight fair and still deal with the conflicts that arise in your relationship? One study suggests looking at your problem from an outsider's perspective (at least as much as humanly possible) to see each distinct point of view, which can help you come to an agreement more easily.

You should also steer clear of serious discussions or arguments when you're particularly stressed after work, since experts say this is common cause of quickly escalating conflicts. And check out these four tips for fighting fair in relationships.

MORE: Why Sometimes You SHOULD Go to Bed Angry

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