Eleven reasons why sex drive varies in individuals – Punch Newspapers
Sex & Sexuality

Eleven reasons why sex drive varies in individuals

Funmi Akingbade

Funmi Akingbade

The rate at which technology and research advance has increased the level of discoveries that have been made in respect of sex and sexuality. Today, we shall be exploring eleven astounding discoveries on this topic. So, come with me as we unravel some of the remarkable speculations on sex and sex-related issues.

One … First are the speculations surrounding the word ‘libido.’ Libido, according to the famous psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, is the term used to describe the sexual drive or sexual instinct of human beings. He noted that sexual drive in human beings is characterised by a gradual build-up to the peak of intensity, followed by a sudden decrease in excitement.

After studying this process in his patients, he concluded that various human activities like eating, drinking, urinating and defecating share this same pattern. Consequently, he regarded these behaviours as sexual or libidinous as well.

Two … Freud also became interested in the development of the libido, which he saw as the basic and most powerful human drive. He believed that the development of the libido involved several distinct and identifiable stages. According to his theory on how the libido develops, during infancy, the sexual drive is focused on the mouth, primarily manifesting in sucking. He labelled this the oral stage of libidinous development. During the second and third years of a child’s life, as the child is undergoing toilet training, focus and erotically tinged pleasure shift to vulva and penis functions. Freud labelled this the foreplay stage. At the stage of puberty, the focus shifts again to the sex organs; a developmental stage he labelled the phallic stage in the maturation of the libido.

During the latter stage of development, libidinal drives focus at first on the parents of opposite sex and add an erotic colouring to the child’s experience of his/her parents. Parental disapproval of uncontrolled libidinal drive, Freud believes, leads to the development of a human psyche that is made up of three components–the id, the ego and the superego. He concluded that the id, or basic set of instincts and drives (including the libido and other drives like aggression), provides the psychic energy needed to initiate activities, and that this id is stronger in the male gender than the female.

Three … The ego, on the other hand, directs the day-to-day fulfillment of the libido and forms of desires in socially acceptable and achievable ways. This, he said, is found in both genders.

The superego labels the learned and internalised social standards of behaviour, including awareness of outlawed or punishable behaviours. During wakeful periods, strong boundaries separate these three arenas. But during sleep and fantasy, the boundaries grow weak; giving rise to open expression of otherwise controlled libidinous desires. Conscious awareness of these unrestrained desires and fantasies can cause the person to feel sexual guilt or shame.

Four … Freud believed that an individual’s personality is established early in life and is determined by the ways in which basic drives and impulses such as libido are satisfied. Failure to satisfy libidinal and other drives leads to their repression with resulting consequences for the development of an individual’s personality and psychological health.

But subsequent generations of psychoanalysts questioned Freud’s work on the libido, with some of them stressing the point that Freud overemphasised biological development and underemphasised the impact of temperamental, cultural and social factors on sexual attitudes and practices.

Hence, other theories on the libido arise from various psychoanalysts like Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, who rejected the idea that sexual experiences at infancy are the principal determinants of emotional problems in adulthood.

Five … Jung developed an alternative theory of the libido which viewed the will to live rather than sexual desire as the strongest drive. Jung emphasised the distinction between introverted and extroverted personality types and placed more emphasis on the four basic temperaments as one of the major controlling factors of an individual libido’s behavioural pattern.

He went further to explain that extroversion refers to individuals whose attention is strongly directed (but not exclusively) outward from themselves to other people and to the world around them.

Six … Extroverts, which consist of the Sanguine and the Choleric in temperament tend to feel comfortable in social situations and tend to be outgoing. They are not only party goers, they are sexually not stingy. They can give sex out anywhere and at any time.

Introverts on the other hand are the opposite and include the Phlegmatic and the Melancholic. Introverts tend to be self-reliant, introspective, thoughtful and comparatively uncomfortable in large social groups. Jung used the term libido to label the mental energy responsible for creating and sustaining introversion/extroversion. He did not believe that individuals were strictly introverted or extroverted, but tended to mix these qualities in varying amounts.

Seven … Many contemporary psychologists view the libido as a basic human instinct which, while rooted in human biology (e.g. hormones), is shaped largely by values, culture, exposure and experience.

In other words, the basic human drive to reproduce and the biologically-based potential to derive pleasure from behaviours associated with physical contact (e.g. nerve endings in the skin and mucous membranes) are given shape and form by one’s experiences while growing up in a particular family within a particular society, with particular societal values and norms. How sexual motivations are structured and through which acts sexual drives are fulfilled, as well as whether certain behaviours are labelled as inappropriate, are determined primarily by these social influences and values

 Eight … There is another theory concerning the importance of holding hands in any relationship, particularly in marriage. It was propounded by a psychoanalyst called Grace Frsinger. According to her, her theory originated from the experiences she had as a bedside nurse in hospitals. She said that 99 per cent of the time when patients are rolled out of the theatre room and they are just beginning to come out of anesthesia after minor or major surgery, as they regain consciousness, before they even open their eyes, they always reach out for their spouses’ hand. A simple act, yet so profound. It is a straightforward, spontaneous reflex that says, ‘I need you’. ‘I love you’. ‘I’m so glad you’re here for me’.

Frsinger stated, “I remember the first time my husband reached for my hand. It was our first date, and we were at the Circle Theater to see a movie. I felt him cautiously span the short distance to grasp my fingers, and then hold on for dear life.

“I didn’t breathe for a few seconds as I tried to keep my eyes focused on the big screen. Slowly, I relaxed and let my fingers curl into his. They fit perfectly.

“Many years later, that’s how we go to sleep each night, holding hands. I don’t remember exactly when we started this ritual, but it’s one I cherish. The amazing part of this is that over the years, I have conducted researches and seen more than 85 per cent of people receive sexual bounding and healing through mere holding of hands. And not only that, lots and lots of sexual chemistry erotic passion and sexual buoyancy is passed across through this simple gesture of hand holding.”

A recent study of how human touch affects neural stress release indicates that married partners, especially women who hold their husbands’ hands, feel instant relief from extremely stressful situations. They also experience a sense of shelter from the harsh life outside the home.

Tom DeMaio, a clinical psychologist in Charlottesville, North Carolina, says that he often recommends that couples hold hands during an argument. “It keeps them connected when they are trying to work things out during tough times,” he says. What they feel when holding hands together both in public and private places is something most couples can’t even explain the effect. But the feeling, which says, ‘We are one, as God meant us to be’ is always actively present and engulfing.

Nine … Another theory said that a behavioural pattern was noticed when some spouse needed sexual attention. For instance, instead of a woman to ask for attention, she may pick up a fight. A man is less likely to feel romantic if a woman is making his life miserable. If you want to cuddle, don’t start a fight. It is always advisable for women to voice out what they need and not fuss on daily life issues.

Many husbands are actually passionate about the things their wives hate so that they can have sex with you. The way most husbands reason is this, they figure out that there’s only 24 hours in a day, less than eight hours of sleep, ten hours at work, many hours in the traffic.

Ten … Also, according to some researchers smile before, during and outside sex goes a long way to predict the success level of the couple’s sexuality. Apart from the health benefit of good sex, all a couple need is a fabulous and infectious smile. And while smiling, look and lock eyes with your spouse. This automatically makes you both to unconsciously flirt with yourselves for a full five to six seconds, then smile and drop your gaze. Give yourselves a smoldering come-hither look and look away. Doing this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period shortly before the actual penetrative sex is a theory experts say works wonder. Why? Your target needs to know it’s them you’re flirting with, and eye contact is a universal signal of openness. So smile, it is absolutely the most effective tool in your sexual enjoyment. Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Smile says it all “I’m having a great time and I’m happy to be with you” According to body language expert Patti Wood, “the smile is the international signal of friendliness.”

Eleven … Let us examine the theory submit about some food items that can be mood-boosting by Jessica Hulett. Sometimes a feel of being down and not able to be sexually active might be as a result of a dietary deficiency. Whether you’re anxious, depressed or just plain irritable, chances are there’s a food that can lend a hand and give you a much-needed lift.

If you can’t get things done down there, it can lead to frustration and eventually depression. Protein increases your alertness and energy. If you’re not getting enough of it, just pop a hard-boiled egg in your mouth. Not only will it wake you up, it’ll also give you a dose of Vitamin D, another proven mood lifter that increases serotonin in the brain and make you go for more than a round. Try it out.

Moderate carbohydrates trigger the release of insulin into the bloodstream, which relaxes you and soothes stress. If you have refined carbohydrates, like regular local pap garnished with ginger flavour, you get the initial happiness, but remember to eat in moderation. Complex carbohydrates like ‘ofada rice’ and ‘agidi’ garnished with lots of spinaches vegetable burn more steadily and hence keep you feeling better longer.

A deficiency of selenium can cause anxiety and irritability. A serving of salmon will give you about three-fourths of your daily allowance. Also, salmon is loaded with omega-3 fatty acids, which plays a role in brain function and is said to regulate mood and alleviate depression.

Chocolate contains phenylethylamines, a neurotransmitter that releases endorphins in the brain and makes you feel giddy. The reason people love chocolate so much isn’t just chemical, though. The sweet flavour stimulates the brain’s pleasure centers. Stick with heart-healthy dark chocolate for all of the benefits.

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