Emotional Pain-Tolerance and Reactivity.

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Emotional Pain is something that we all go through being humans moving through life’s ups and downs. But not all of us handle the emotional pain in the same way and even the same person handles it differently at different times during different kinds of circumstances. The patterns involved can be various but let’s talk about the main difference between people having high emotional tolerance and those having low level of it.

The former reacts to the painful situation when it becomes unbearable; whereas the latter reacts the same way even at the hint of pain or at most, at the initiation of a painful event.

Illustratively, emotionally highly tolerant people have the experience(s) of a deep wound(s), which opens up and bleeds every time it’s touched, poked, hit or exposed i.e. emotionally it gets triggered but they get accustomed to tolerating that much pain, so they take it as their normal and generally do not react to what actually normal people would react to to a good extent; 

Whereas emotionally lowly tolerant people have little to no such wound and they become afraid even at the thought of having any wound, so they act dramatically in order to evade from any kind of pain; they show pain which is the bare minimum for other normal people which actually can be too much for them because their threshold of emotional tolerance is quite low.

Because of this, one shall never judge other’s pain based on their reactions. Some people are natually highly reactive, others are experiencially highly tolerant.

If somebody is laughing, it doesn’t mean that they are not in pain;

If somebody is silent, it doesn’t mean that they are in pain;

If somebody is in pain, it doesn’t mean they cannot or won’t react;

If somebody is reacting, it doesn’t mean that they are or are not in pain.

Pain cannot be described and treated by others with rules set in stone. As much as pain is subjective, so is its expression.

Are you being misunderstood or taken advantage of?

woman comforting friend

Things would have been different if you could understand me better.” This particular sentence is what you keep on thinking about, expecting some different outcome out of an unfavourable situation in love or relationships. Actually, this is just an excuse you keep repeating in your mind. Look ! Somebody understood you and your goodness and found it convenient to carry on with their sneaky motives because you made them that comfortable in doing so. Do not give them this benefit of the doubt that they could not understand you or events properly. It seldom happens that somebody does not understand your interactions with them, unless they are feeble minded or they have not interacted with you for a long time. Even if you suppose that they could not understand you, what is the probability that they will be understanding you in the future?? It’s highly likely that you will draw yourself back into the same loop of either misunderstandings or making excuses for their behaviour. Do not think that it’s your LOVE that is making you think this way. It’s not love. You need to do some internal work of knowing your worth and feeling yourself as an important person rather than putting somebody else on a padestal every single time, so that the next time somebody thinks hundreds of times before making you feel any less than who you are. Things will not be different if you won’t choose different.


When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.

Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:

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There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.

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Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.

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And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.

joyful adult daughter greeting happy surprised senior mother in garden
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There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.

TRUST-What is required to build it?

Don’t you trust me?” The question often asked to us by someone whom we ask for an explanation for their words or actions. I know that trust is instinctual for most of the people; something that one acknowledges automatically. But, what if someone has serious trust issues in general? I mean, if there is someone who just cannot trust anyone, how would you make that person trust you? Certainly not by pressuring or manipulating like throwing tantrums or accusing that person that he/she has irrational trust issues. NO! Really, a Big No for these ways.

The only way to make someone trust you who has trust issues naturally or due to some past experiences is to be honest with him/her. It might take some extra efforts from your side. You also might have to give them proofs or explanations for your words or actions every single time. You just have to keep calm upon their asking for the proofs or explanations, still, if they can’t trust you, then let it be like that. Don’t get mad at them. They are not doing it intentionally. They are also suffering from mental frustration. But it does not mean that you too have to go through the same kind of frustration or retaliate with the same kind of accusation like “I also don’t trust you”. Try and be polite and stay honest without getting offended upon asking for the explanations.

This will save a lot of time and mental exhaustion for both of you. Over time, they will start trusting you. Believe me, they will !! Because every person needs some adjustment from others in relationships of any kind and if you value them, you would not be dishonest with them in the first place. So, what’s the deal in giving proof for your honesty too. Yes, you may not like or maybe hate to be distrusted but understand that trusting someone may be a pivotal issue for them. They might have gone through certain experiences in which they trusted others and it ended up in shattering or breaking them.

If you think that enforcing them to believe you is going to work. It will not ! Rather they would feel like you are trying to pressure or manipulate them which is going to back-fire and ultimately result in severe trust issues. Only honesty begets trust, nothing else.

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“Trust is the basis of any bond glued by honesty”-Your Choicest Lifestyle.