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Young Americans have reason to think gender pronouns matter: Viewpoint

Sonya Epstein

Sonya Epstein, a member of the University of Massachusetts Class of 2022, came out in high school as a non-binary person - one who does not identify exclusively with either the traditional male or female gender categories. Epstein, who uses the gender pronouns "they" and "them" as personal references, supports pronoun use for a more accurate and inclusive society.

To the critics, it’s political correctness and self-absorption gone absolutely haywire. To the advocates, it’s a committed effort toward a more inclusive society that respects the individuality of each person and their right to determine who they are.

“There are a few layers to it,” says Sonya Epstein, a member of the University of Massachusetts Class of 2022 and an advocate of gender pronouns, which have gained widespread popularity on college campuses in particular.

“Gender identity has often been based on appearance or name,” explains Epstein. “Gender as a whole has been a social construct (shared perceptions that exist only because people in a group or society accept they do). But not all of us conform to that.”

The more one delves into it, the more the issue of social pronouns becomes less about a trendy college “thing,” and the more it challenges some of Western society’s most fundamental concepts. To the majority, there are men and there are women and yes, for the progressive among us, there are variations that not just explain but validate the LGBTQ movement.

At the 2019 Iowa State Fair, a student asked then-presidential candidate Joseph R. Biden Jr. how many genders existed. “At least three,” Biden responded. Provoked by the follow-up question of “What are they?” he snapped, “Don’t play games with me, kid.”

Biden’s first answer produced applause from some, and mockery or horror from others. To many in the progressive movement, though, it represented the elusive nature of defining gender - which is why many want the right to choose their own definition of who they are.

Enter gender pronouns. They have been around for a few years, even if they remain unknown to vast numbers of Americans who are either over 25 or unaffiliated with high school or college life.

For the unfamiliar, it goes like this: “I’m Janet Smith, and my pronouns are ‘she’ and ‘her’” (or whatever choices, possibly including “they” or “them,” the individual prefers).

I have to admit that until fairly recently, I would have considered the entire concept rather pointless. Even now, including gender pronouns in personal introductions strikes me as ... well, if nothing else, odd to the ear.

When someone says, “I’m Tom, and my pronouns are ‘he’ and ‘him,’” my instinct is to respond that I could have figured as much. But young people see society differently than my generation does. And frankly, after watching our society’s corrupt descent into the intensified, unrestrained spewing of anger, resentment, bigotry and hate over the past several years - I’m willing to listen.

“I came out as non-binary four years ago, as a junior (at Belmont High School),” says Epstein, who has been involved with UMass student government and other activism. “It needs to be pushed, no matter how much pushback there is. When I first started, some awful comments were said at me.”

In the past year, Epstein’s sensed a greater willingness by the university administration to accept gender pronouns. That doesn’t mean they’re all entirely comfortable with it, let alone be willing to use their own.

This issue relates directly to transgender individuals, but pronoun practice extends far beyond them. My own brief experience is that women find it more meaningful than men, but I have no data to support that and my daughter, who is in college, says many young men follow its practice, too.

So why, as long as acceptance is extended to those who use pronouns, should it matter to the advocates if other people - in fact, I think, most people - do not?

“If everybody does it, then no one is singled out,” Epstein said. That’s one of two major arguments for pronoun use, to avoid socially isolating (and often ostracizing) those who do not identify with traditional male-female characterizations.

The other reason is advocates’ conviction that every individual has the right to be viewed as they view and identify themselves, and not by judgments or stereotypes dictated by others.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that I keep referring to Epstein as Epstein. Here is current Associated Press style guidance on the use of gender pronouns in news stories:


Epstein’s choice to describe, well, Epstein, is “they” and “them.” I know what many of you are thinking: those are plural pronouns.

That’s what I always thought, too, but the dictionary says their use in certain singular references is proper. Dictionaries change, and so do other policies. Last year, for instance, the AP formally altered its racial designation from black to Black.

Colleges are taking pronouns seriously - very seriously. Springfield College is not requiring faculty members to use gender pronouns, but is encouraging they do.

Springfield College has an entire web page dedicated to the subject, with guidelines ranging from “What if I mistakenly use the wrong pronouns for someone?,” to “Pronouns dos and don’ts.”

At least one website,, is dedicated to the topic. It says, “when we refer to ‘personal’ pronouns ... we mean that they are pronouns referring to a unique and individual person.”

Sometimes, of course, pronouns can answer questions before they need to be asked, as with unisex names. When you’re called upon to speak with Sam, Bailey, Dana or Jamie, you’re left to wonder - or to guess. That’s part of this, but it’s not what is driving a movement where a generational divide looks inevitable.

“Why do we have to go along with this?” a fellow Baby Boomer asked me.

“Why not?” I responded. “It hurts no one. It gives identity to people who want respect and ownership of their own identity. I don’t usually embrace change, either, but if the only case against it that it’s never been that way before, that’s not good enough as a stand-alone argument to me.”

That said, I don’t intend to ever do it, and I hope the Sonya Epsteins of the world understand. Whether others do or don’t, it doesn’t offend or bother me. It doesn’t cause to me to lament where America has gone wrong.

In a nation whose strength is its diversity, we haven’t exactly been treating each other with respect, decency and kindness through time-honored techniques lately. Maybe this will help.

Ron Chimelis is a staff writer for The Republican. He may be reached by email to