Translate: Masculine – Feminine

I hear these words a lot: Masculine, Feminine. Yet what do they actually mean? And why do I think these words are misleading and holding us back? That’s what I’d like to talk to you about today. Feminine often equals surrender, fluidity, relaxation, not doing, stillness, yin energy and more. Masculinity is more connected to action, strength, fire, responsibility, getting things done. Yet, even when it is being said that all people can have both a masculine and feminine side, I see a problem with the choice of these words. As they suggest it has something to do with gender, certain qualities are a trait of a specific gender. Which is crazy and often makes people feel worse instead of better about themselves, creating more stress responses from their bodies. I see it also being used to manipulate people: ‘You are not feminine/masculine enough’ for example. It is often mentioned as something to work on, actually saying ‘you’re not good enough’. So what if we would just drop those words… Masculine - Feminine

Skip them all together? Or lift the veils of the mystery around these vague and abstract words. As healthy ‘feminine’ usually refers to the parasympathetic nervous system and traits that go with social engagement and safe immobilization. And the so called healthy ‘masculine’ refers to the safe sympathetic nervous system response which enables action, mobilization, energy to get things done. And we all have these parts in our bodies. So why use these words that have actually nothing to do with gender? Which create more confusion and separation? When we talk about feminine drama or toxic masculinity, we are actually talking about a nervous system that sends cues of danger and tries to solve the treat in the way the biology sees as the best solution. That’s never a conscious decision, just a survival instinct that kicks in in your body. So instead of trying to work on preventing those responses, it often makes much more sense to help yourself and other people to feel more safe. To actively look for and send out cues of safety is essential in this. And maybe dropping misleading words like masculine and feminine would be a beautiful, small step in that.

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© 2019 by Mariëlle Spronck