Enriching childhood with empowering parenthood

How to deal with parents fighting constantly – 7 Easy Steps!

How to deal with parents fighting constantly – 7 Easy Steps!

Parents physically fighting in front of child

All children want their parents not to argue or not to fight each other. In this post how to deal with parents fighting constantly, our smart mommies team will give you 7 easy steps to deal with this situation. Parents can have conversations without having to resort to comments or hurtful behaviors, but it seems that it is not always as easy as it seems. Usually, when there are arguments between parents there is an internal conflict in both unresolved? Something that will make the discussion becomes chronic (whether they live together or separately). But growing up with parents who fight might have a negative impact on mental health and the development of children.

It is normal and common to have different ideas, opinions, values ​​, and priorities. People are different and we do not have to think the same in everything. But success in a relationship consists of being able to use the appropriate communication skills so that ideas and opinions can be expressed and received with respect, that differences of opinion can be resolved with strategies for resolving healthy conflicts.

If parents do not communicate with respect to each other and do not have a good strategy for resolving conflicts, the result can be a chronic conflict where the discussion is common in family life. The hostile emotional tone and patterns in confrontations are repeated again and again.

These harmful conflicts can vary in level and be of different types: scream, blame, humiliate, mock, use sarcasm, ignore the other, intimidation, threats, physical or verbal violence, destructive behavior … or any behavior that harms the other. The conflict of the parents can take place even in the families that from outside, seem perfect.

How to deal with parents fighting constantly – 7 easy steps

Be respectful. It’s easy to get impatient with bickering parents. Because finally, it is up to them to give you the example, and not the opposite! However, treating them with contempt would only accentuate family tensions. And above all, Jehovah God commands you to respect and obey them, even when it is not so simple.

But if their dispute concerns you directly? Assuming one of them is Christian and the other unbeliever, differences of opinion may arise. You would then have to opt for justice alongside your believing parent. Always do this “with gentleness and deep respect”. By being exemplary in this respect, perhaps you will one day succeed in ‘winning’ your unbelieving parent.

Stay neutral. How to react if your parents push you to take sides on matters that do not concern you directly? Strive to remain neutral. Refuse nicely, saying for example: “Mom, dad, I love you both. But, please, do not ask me to take sides. This question is for you to settle between you. “

Communicate. Let your parents know what their quarrels are. At a time when they seem to be in the mood to listen, tell them respectfully that their misunderstanding is disturbing, irritating, or even alarming you.

Do not play marriage counselors. This is how you are too young to settle your parents’ differences. Imagine being a passenger on a small plane and hearing the pilot and co-pilot arguing. Your concern would be normal. But what would happen if you allowed yourself to tell the pilots how to maneuver or try to take control?

Similarly, if you tried to “take orders” by intervening in the marital problems of your parents, you would poison things. “By presumption, we are only provoking a struggle, but wisdom is with those who deliberate,” observes the Bible. Your parents will certainly better settle their quarrels by explaining themselves alone.

Do not interfere. Two discordant voices, that’s enough; do not add yours to the tumult! Even if it bothers you to intervene, it is up to your parents, not you, to resolve their differences. So listen to the Bible urging you to “take care of your own business”. Do not throw yourself into the arena!

Do not put them against each other. Teenagers actually promote arguments between their parents by drawing them against each other. When their mother says no, they extort a yes to their father by taking it by feelings. In this little game, we may gain a little freedom, but ultimately, we prolong the family crisis.

Do not let their conduct rub off on yoursA boy named Peter realized that he behaved in a way that was not very Christian in revenge for his violent father. “It was to hurt him,” he says. I was so angry with him for treating us like that, my mother, my sister and me. “But Pierre quickly ran into the consequences of his actions. Morality: To act badly would only aggravate your family problems

Parents arguing in front of baby

Negative impact on children’s mental health

When children experience continuous unresolved conflicts from their parents it becomes destructive to them. Children are resilient and highly adaptable, they can cope with difficult situations such as separation or divorce but what seriously harms them emotionally is the bitter ongoing conflict of their parents (regardless of whether they live together or not). If parents have conflicts continuously and the greater the tension between them, the more likely it is that psychological problems will appear in children and that they will have emotional and behavioral problems.

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Children feel insecure

Conflicts between parents create a climate of tension, chaos, and insecurity in the family environment that is meant to be safe, safe and comfortable to grow and for children to feel good. Children feel anxiety, fear, and helplessness and always think my parents fight all the time in front of me. They can worry about their safety and even for the safety of their parents (even if there has not been violence). Children’s imaginations are very powerful and they can imagine that parents get hurt or worry about a possible divorce (if the parents are still together).

Bad for children

Children learn lessons on how to get along with others in the way their parents get along with each other. If parents’ model of communication is unhealthy and they do not know how to solve problems correctly, it is likely that the way in which your children communicate and solve problems with others is not adequate as they grow up and grow up and become adults.

The relationship between parents and children can be broken

If there are no serious problems, children feel healthier and safer and a positive relationship with both parents is allowed, regardless of what one parent feels for the other. But if the child constantly hears bad things about one of the parents or growing up with parents who fight and if they think like my parents fight all time in front of me, the danger is that the relationship between parents and children will weaken.

Consequences of fighting in front of a baby

Some disputes can escalate “violently”. When anger is too present, some words and gestures are moved. ”These are disputes that lead to the settling of accounts, with a lot of aggressiveness both verbal and physical sometimes” warns Didier Plexus. Growing up with parents who fight impact the child in a negative way. ”Even if they are not directed against him, he will either feel guilty or feel obliged to take part for one or other of the parents” adds our expert. In any case, it generates anxiety. Especially in infancy, and until adolescence, where he does not have enough perspective to analyze the situation, he will find himself embarked in this emotional maelstrom.

The emotional bond that develops the child with their parents or with those who play the role of caregivers is related to this theory. According to the professional, this connection provides the emotional security essential for the correct development of the child’s personality.

This belief is sustained, according to the psychologist, “in that the state of safety, anxiety or fear of a child is determined to a large extent by the accessibility and responsiveness of its main figure of affection (person with whom the relationship is established) “.

Therefore, the paternal function will be fundamental for the achievement of a secure attachment, insofar as it is emotional support for the mother and children, at the same time as an authority figure, without falling into authoritarianism.

How to establish a secure link between father and son

The relationship between father and children must be based, in the first place, on affection and respect. The professional explains that “recognizing children as people is fundamental and for this, it is essential to attend to their needs, assign responsibilities and rights at every stage of their lives.”

The psychologist summarizes that “the attitude of parents towards their children will be decisive when it comes to their correct development” and, therefore, “they must be careful when dealing with them, always taking into account that each process lives differently.”

This will pave a way for the child and/ or the child to grow up in a healthy environment and with a strong personality, to face in the best way each stage of their growth.

The psychologist gives some recommendations for parents:

  • In the first place, the parents must show themselves aligned when it comes to establishing rules, that is, they must agree on the “scratching of the court” and not be unauthorized before the children.
  • It is essential that parents value and emphasize the effort, not just the results.
  • Respect their points of view and express pride in their achievements, showing genuine interest and consideration for their wishes and needs.
  • Understand the signals of children and their way of communicating.
  • Establish trust and respond to their needs.
  • It is important to embrace, caress and show affection.
  • Take care of your own emotional and physical wellbeing, as this will affect behavior and development.
  • Require what is expected for their age and personality

Below is very short and informative “Howcast” video on How to deal with parents fighting constantly

Parents’ bad mood: A problem that can seriously affect children

The bad mood of the parents can have serious consequences on the emotional development of their children. Especially if this bad mood occurs repeatedly.

Shouting at the child or other family members can create serious insecurities for the youngest members of the family. In some cases, feelings of guilt may also occur.

Children are particularly vulnerable to this behavior between 0 and 3 years old. However, this does not mean that they are not affected if they are bigger.

It is important that parents be attentive and pays attention to their own behavior at all times. This recommendation is valid both for the mental health of the person and for the stability of all members of the family.

What is the cause of the parents’ bad mood?

The bad mood of parents can have many origins. The important thing is to detect the problem and do everything possible to solve it.  And this, before he gravely touches people around, especially children.

The factors that can trigger the bad mood are multiple. They can, for example, be worn for many years. And in this case, it will be necessary to find a professional to deal with the problem.

In other cases, the stress caused by work or personal problems is the cause. If this happens, it is good to look for activities that allow you to drain energy. However, in the event that it becomes impossible to control these feelings, it will be necessary to go to a specialist.

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This is one of the main effects that parents’ bad mood can cause. When the child is constantly exposed to tense and stressful situations and always thinks why my parents fight all the time in front of me. Especially when they come from parents, these often generate insecurities. These insecurities, in turn, can lead to a feeling of guilt.

Depression and anxiety

Depression and anxiety also appear. It is common for children affected by the repeated bad mood of parents to have problems adjusting to school and other children of their age.

As a result, school performance can be affected. It is the same for the relationship of the child with his parents. The child may feel the fear of expressing himself freely in front of his parents.  This then leads to a series of emotional conflicts in the short and long term.

Aggressive behavior

The bad mood of the parents can be interpreted by the child as an absence of affection. This assessment is extremely serious because it can seriously influence the child’s development. Children who grow up with a cold, distant relationship with their parents often develop aggressive behaviors and obvious signs of anxiety.

How to avoid the bad mood of parents?

Depending on the severity of the situation, a professional’s attention may be required. However,  if it is an emerging problem, it will take some steps to correct that character. 

To make a break

One of the main recommendations for maintaining an optimal emotional state is to enjoy one’s free time or for oneself. For example, practice one hour of daily exercise, read or meet friends. These activities are ideal for channeling all accumulated stress.

Encourage communication

Some ladies also complain that “my husband verbally abuses me in front of our son”. So, an effective way to avoid stressful situations is to maintain open and effective communication with loved ones. Respect and the ability to express opinions are essential to maintaining low levels of stress and controlled mental and emotional health.

Recognize that there is a problem

It is essential for adults to recognize that their stress level and bad mood are high. The only way to deal with this situation and change it is to recognize that it exists.

It is also important to convey to the child that he is not at fault. Communication, once again, is essential to prevent different family members from being affected.

The bad mood of the parents can seriously affect the psychic and emotional development of the children. To recognize it, to take appropriate measures to cope with it and to avoid it is the beginning of a better relationship with oneself and one’s loved ones.