Sunday, October 04, 2015

Parents can really help their children in setting their future direction, if they negotiate these five common hurdles smartly

Compass is a direction-setter. At any time, when a student is confused, it helps him/her find the right direction and not get derailed from his chosen path. Like we said earlier, Compass has two functions. It helps us set What direction and How direction. In this blog, let us talk of the difficulties in setting the 'What direction' of compass.

Why students cannot set their 'What' direction?

Setting 'what' direction means using the knowledge of our self and our environment to set a 'North' direction. For instance, it means knowing that one's direction is 'Logical skills'. After knowing the 'logical' direction, one may still have to chose among the following 'destinations': Engineering, Medicine or Accounting. But setting the direction is important.

Primarily, students encounter eight hurdles in setting the what direction. First 3 hurdles are knowledge hurdles, while last 5 hurdles are developmental hurdles created by us.

Three Knowledge hurdles

One: Some students cannot set what direction, because they lack the knowledge of converting their 'Interest' into 'Compass direction'. For instance, students interested in Drawing cannot find a Compass direction because they are not aware of how interest in drawing can help them make a career which will utilise that interest.

Two: Some students cannot set what direction, because their 'visible' strengths are not aligned with the family's interest. For instance, I met a boy who wanted to become a 'cook'. His parents did not like the idea, and refused to support him. You will often observe many parents who want their children to become what they could not, instead of helping him find what he wants.

Three: Some students cannot set the 'what' direction because they do not possess sharp strengths. For instance, if a student is good in a subject , say mathematics, he can spend considerable time in building those strengths. Naturally, this helps the student in choosing the what direction. But many students are good in many subjects. They face a big dilemma: because they are good in many subjects, they are confused, because they lack the requisite skills to chose between the many options. Their problem is the problem of prosperity.

Five Developmental Hurdles created by us

One, wants of many students are never taken seriously by anyone. Therefore students do not know the difference between wants, needs, desires and just interests.  Throughout their life, they do what others want. Even if they pursue an interest in something, say painting, astronomy, or in dinosaurs, they are constantly reminded of not wasting too much time in it. Or they are discouraged in pursuing in-depth work in any hobby. For instance, even when they are interested in mobiles, they are discouraged in learning to repair the mobiles, because it is a considered as waste of time.

Two, many students are unknowingly discouraged to become independent. Even while getting up in the morning, parents take the responsibility of waking them up. Their daily priorities are set by teachers and parents. Even their study-place is managed by parents. When the holidays set in, the parents prepare the schedule of their children. When students get used to this dependence, they often lack the energy to find what they want.

Three, most of the students do not learn to express their emotions freely. When they try something new, they naturally fail in first few attempts. But when they express their emotions of pain openly, they are told to be 'strong' and 'courageous'. When they get second rank in a subject, despite trying hard, they are told they trying hard is not 'good enough'. If they cry because of failing in new event like 'roller skating', they are told to avoid becoming 'sissy'. Even when they manage to get good marks and beat others, they do not feel good because beating competition only increases the fear of failing 'next time'. This generates envy and insecurities. But they cannot speak to anyone about these feelings, because these feelings are supposed to be 'wrong'.

Four: Many students do not like reading novels, seeing dramas, or watching movies as the families do not encourage these habits. These three habits are the sources of inspiration for us. When we read biographies and novels, we are inspired by the heroic acts. When we watch dramas, we are attracted to the struggle of 'good' versus 'bad'. When we watch movies, we get inspired by the struggle of hero who wins despite all the hiccups. This inspiration ( of what can be possible) guides our wants and desires unconsciously.

Five: many students to not get the real taste of what 'real work' is. Even when these students want to volunteer work in NGO's or public causes during holidays, they are not encouraged. Or if they do not work in NGO, they can work in Pizza centers. Or they can also volunteer to work in public festivals like Ganpati, Navratri, or other community festivals. Or they can volunteer in organising school work of Republic days, Visits to Astronomical labs, Annual Days. Because students have not worked, student's  awareness of the working world is bookish or incorrect. They are unable to find relevance of 'subject knowledge' with real-world problems or situations.

How do students behave when they lack the 'what' compass

Due to their inability to negotiate these developmental 5 hurdles, especially, many students become 'passive' receptors of information with no capacity to process the data about environment or data about Self. Their development is blocked. They get attracted to the glitter. Instead of asking what will help them lead to find meaningful work, they chase what others are doing. They have no practice or skills to find what they want. They are clueless.

They follow other students like a herd. If others are pursuing marks, they chase marks. If others are choosing Engineering, they chase Engineering. They rely on trophies and symbols. For instance, they may pursue degrees, one after another, and hope that career will take career of itself: They first finish Engineering, then MBA, then MPSC, then Banking exams.


Often students approach Counselors to help them set the 'destination' ( Engineering or medicine) without setting a 'direction' ( Logical Or Visual). Taking this kind of help from Counselors is not useful, because Counselors are ideal in tackling knowledge gaps. They are not trained to tackle the 'Developmental' gaps.

Instead, Parents should ideally approach Coaches in negotiating the five developmental hurdles created by environment. Coaches are trained to identify the development gap of a child and suggest options within the city or family to overcoming these gaps. If this help is taken at the right age of child, for instance when the child is in Vth class, your child is ready to tackle the challenges of latter years. When the child goes in 10th class, he is ready to tackle the challenge of setting his future direction. He may or may need a Counselor.

In next blog we shall understand how parents can help their children in setting 'how' direction. 

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