

Dealing with Grief Productively

Grief Does Not Need To Be Destructive

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Dealing with grief and loss can be a difficult time in anybody’s life. Whether the grief stems from the death of a family member or a major life-changing event, people have different ways of dealing with their emotions when something tragic happens. Life after the traumatic event might seem uncertain and even scary at times, but there are several ways in which you can learn how to deal with grief in a productive and positive manner. In ideal conditions, a proper support system of friends and family members are available, but this is not always the case. Knowing some ways of dealing with grief and loss before an event can help you come through it with a better emotional well-being and understanding of what has happened.

Understand What Grief Is
Before trying to find ways to deal with grief and loss, it is a good idea to understand what grief is and what triggers it. “Grief” is a word that encompasses a wide-range of feelings and emotions, but it is normally associated with negative life events. While the term generally refers to emotional responses like sadness or anger, there are several other physical and physiological results that may or may not occur as well following a traumatic event. These responses happen due to extreme sadness following a loss. The term is normally associated with death, but it can also refer to the loss of a job, the loss of a spouse through divorce, the loss of a pet, or even a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Grief can also be caused by some devastating news, like being informed that you have a terminal illness or a debilitating disease. Reasons for personal grief will vary from person to person, but almost everybody will go through the stages outlined below.

The Stages of Grief
There is a common set of responses and emotions that everybody experiences after a traumatic loss or life event that results in grief. While there is a discrepancy about how many stages and responses that a person goes through, each person will often have at least five different stages before arriving at a catharsis. These stages are often defense mechanisms that help the mind deal with what has happened. Each person will experience a different level of emotion at each stage and there is no set order or time period, either. All of this happens on the mind’s journey to accepting the reality of the event and receiving closure.

Stage One: Denial
Denial is the first emotion that a person will experience immediately following a loss or traumatic event. Denial refers to a person’s refusal to believe that the event has happened. In the case of death, many people will react with disbelief. They might try to make themselves believe that the news is untrue or that a mistake has been made. In other life events, denial might cause a person to go about their daily life as if the event has not happened. Eventually, though, they come to terms with the reality of what has happened and move on to another stage of grief.
Stage Two: Anger
Experiencing a traumatic event often leads to a feeling of anger. Anger is one of the strongest emotions that most people feel on their way to acceptance. They might feel angry at themselves for letting the event happen or angry at the other people involved. With the death of a loved one, a person might be angry and resentful at the person who has “left.” This can also result in some guilt about not trying hard enough to keep the person healthy or keeping the relationship healthy. Following the loss of a job, the person might be angry at himself for not working hard enough or the boss for not recognizing how hard he has worked. The reasons for the anger will vary depending on the particular event.

Stage Three: Bargaining
With this stage, people try to find a way to undo the event. For instance, a person who has lost of loved one will sometimes immediately try to bargain with God. They offer to do certain things if only God will bring their loved one back to life. Many times, they will even offer their own life in place of their loved one’s life. In other traumatic events, such as a job loss or and broken relationship, they will promise to do better in order to reverse the event. In terms of dealing with grief, this is one of the shortest and least experienced stages.
Stage Four: Depression
One of the more debilitating stages of grief is the depression stage. This is usually one of the longest lasting stages and can also be the most negative. During the depression stage, people might fall into such a deep emotional state that they forego their responsibilities, including work and family.

A death can cause some people to lose their grasp with reality and they might often long for the time when they can join their loved one. With other events, people will simply dwell on their negative feelings and emotions. Some people can get over this stage in a matter of days, but others might take weeks or even months. In rare cases, it might even take years before moving on to one of the other stages of grief.

Stage Five: Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage of grief. Although the other stages of grief do not follow a particular order, a person who reaches the acceptance stage has likely gone through the other stages and this will be the last stage. In rare cases, some people will even reach this stage immediately without experiencing the other stages. Acceptance involves simply accepting the reality of the event and moving on with life. While the event will still be in their memory, they realize that it cannot be changed and the best thing to do is continue living. The healthiest outcome of this stage is when a person can look back at the experience and learn from it rather than dwell on the negative aspects of it.
Other Stages of Grief
While these are the most common psychological stages of dealing with grief and loss, there are some other more serious symptoms that some people might experience. In some instances, a feeling of numbness and shock might set in after initially hearing the bad news. Other physical reactions in extreme cases might even involve sweaty palms, headaches or dizziness and fainting. Some people might even feel a sense of violence or revenge against those who have caused the traumatic life event to happen. Despair is another emotion that some people will feel. They might feel that life is not worth living after the event and lose their passion for living. While these are rare cases, they can still be quite destructive if not handled correctly.

Because of the negative effect that grief can have on a person, many communities offer support services for people going through traumatic events. Many funeral homes even offer complimentary counseling or support groups for relatives and friends of the recently deceased. While each person has a different way of dealing with grief and loss, the ideal way of dealing with the grief is to have a strong system of friends and family who can help you cope with the trauma. While most people experience at least some of the stages of grief, others might be able to move on to acceptance immediately. In the event that a life-changing experience occurs, the most important thing to remember is to keep a realistic perspective on life and learn from the experience.

How Do You Deal with Difficult Emotions?
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