“Stealthing” Isn’t Just Removing a Condom During Sex, It’s Assault

Those who've experienced "stealthing" feel more than a fear of STIs and pregnancy.


A new study published in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law investigates a dangerous practice called "stealthing," or when a man removes a condom during penetrative sex without his partner's consent. Conducted by Alexandra Brodsky, a fellow with the National Women's Law Center, the study shines an expansive light on something many women have experienced but didn't previously have the language to describe. Brodsky's study makes the point that this lack of language makes it incredibly difficult for women who've survived stealthing to recognize it for what it really is — widespread assault and gender violence.

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Brodsky interviewed survivors of stealthing and explored online communities of men who practice it (and appear to have coined the term "stealthing") as part of her research. She introduces a woman named Rebecca who works for a rape crisis hotline and encounters instances of stealthing often. She said these stories usually start with, "I'm not sure this is rape, but..." Brodsky's study makes the case for why stealthing is, in her own words, "rape-adjacent."

Brodsky's interviews with survivors of stealthing include a range of experiences — some women said they didn't realize the condom had been removed until the moment of re-penetration, others say they didn't know until their partners ejaculated inside of them. "The part that really freaked me out ... was that it was such a blatant violation of what we’d agreed to," one woman told Brodsky. "I set a boundary. I was very explicit." Rebecca, the woman who works for the rape crisis hotline, shared that this happened to her as well as those she counsels, and added, "I agreed to fuck him with a condom, not without it."

Brodsky's interviews reveal a common theme. The women she spoke with were not only fearful of a possible pregnancy and STI, they were deeply upset by what constituted "a clear violation of their bodily autonomy." It's not dissimilar to what a survivor of rape feels. Brodsky argues that, given today's focus on consent rather than force as the distinguishing factor between sex and rape, a modern vision of gender violence would include stealthing. In fact, in Switzerland, there's already a legal precedent that a man who removes his condom without a partner's consent during sex is guilty of rape.

Perhaps the most revealing part of Brodsky's study is her investigation into online communities of men who practice stealthing and teach other men how to pull it off without a partner noticing. "Online discussions suggest offenders and their defenders justify their actions as a natural male instinct — and natural male right," Brodsky wrote. "Men who stealth assault other men display similar rhetoric focused on a man’s 'right' to spread his seed — even when reproduction is not an option."

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At the root of nonconsensual condom removal is toxic masculinity that leads men to believe a woman's body is never truly her own. It's the same strain of toxic masculinity that allows men to think it's OK to do things like yell at women on the street, or touch female bodies without consent, or rape. In this way, stealthing is another stop along the spectrum of gender violence, and Brodsky's study argues that there should be language in the U.S. legal system to better recognize it as such.

"Situating nonconsensual condom removal within the broad category of gender violence reveals that the practice is an ethical wrong with practical, psychic, and politically salient repercussions for its victims," Brodsky wrote. There's a difference between consenting to someone touching you with a condom, and consenting to someone penetrating you without one. In the same way a woman can consent to being fingered without consenting to penetrative sex, a woman can consent to protected sex without consenting to unprotected sex. Consent is nuanced — it's not as clear and simple as "yes means yes," and "no means no."

None of the people Brodsky interviewed considered pursuing legal action, but Brodsky explored possible legal avenues survivors might take. She wrote that misdemeanor sexual abuse prosecution may be possible and referenced a New York state law that says a lack of consent can result from "any circumstances ... in which the victim does not expressly or impliedly acquiesce in the actor's conduct." Survivors of stealthing would fall into this category — if someone removes a condom without your consent, you haven't "expressly or impliedly" agreed to your partner's conduct. But Brodsky mentioned that proving in court that sexual contact fundamentally changes when the condom is removed would be difficult. Tort laws in states that have criminalized the transmission of STIs are another possible route for legal recourse but would only apply to people who contract an STI after nonconsensual condom removal.

You can read the full version of Brodsky's illuminating study in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law.

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