One of the most important things a retiree has to look forward to are doctor appointments.

As a retiree’s age advances, doctor appointments become more frequent, and many are alike. The first encounter is the waiting room which can be a short or very long wait depending upon the doctor you visit. Next is the nurse who takes your vitals and records them in your chart.

After another wait, which can be long or occasionally short, the doctor comes in and asks, “Well, how are we today?”

One would think after years of collage and additional years of medical school, the doc would know not to ask that question. No one cares how he is — we just hope he cares how the patient feels. After all, if the patient feels good, why would he or she be there?

While in the doctor’s office, he will likely take a few vials of blood. If you used the restroom while waiting to see him, he will also likely ask for a urine sample. Of course, these tests will require a return appointment at which time the doctor will announce you have high cholesterol, high blood pressure — or you’re low on blood from all the vials you have given. You will now need another appointment to discuss what to do about it.

If you are in the 90 percent who have hyperlipidemia, you’ll probably receive a sample or prescription for a very expensive medicine that will make every muscle in your body ache. Once you’ve made another appointment to explain the muscle aches, and learn the cause, you give another vial of blood (do we ever run out of blood?), and another appointment is made.

When you return to the doctor’s office it will be explained to you since everything else has been ruled out, the muscle aches are a common side effect of taking the prescription you were given at a prior appointment. You will be given another expensive prescription and told to try it. This routine may go on for three or four visits until one of several things happen, the least likely of which will be that the drug works. You could run out of money (pitch into the donut hole for those on Medicare), run out of blood or just decide to live with it and have the doctor prescribe an expensive pain reliever to help you.

Once your system gets used to the meds, you may develop severe foot cramps that visit during the night and result in jerking you out of bed with excruciating pain. This new problem can also be (usually unsuccessfully) treated with additional, expensive prescriptions.

If you develop a more serious problem, you’ll likely be advised to see a (more expensive) specialist. Your new doctor will start you on a whole new program of testing, blood drawing (if you have any left) and dispensing of additional expensive drugs. This can lead to a number of outcomes including referral to another specialist … and on and on it will continue with more blood taken, tests done and additional prescriptions filled.

As I see it, the result of all your doctor visits may be that you will have more pills in stock then the average drug store. You may also encounter a new problem that occurs when you attempt to dispose of the unused drugs that did not work. You can’t return them because of the fear they may be contaminated.

So what to do with the drugs? Law enforcement and other agencies have advised flushing them down the drain. I recently read an article about drugs that have progressed from sewers to waterways without totally dissolving. If this is true, why are our fish getting sick? Apparently the drugs don’t help them either.
