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Two Methods:Talking to Young ChildrenTalking to Older ChildrenCommunity Q&A

Sharing important information about sex with your child is much easier than you think, and it's imperative to give them a sense of confidence, trust, and safety.

Method 1
Talking to Young Children

  1. 1
    Keep in mind that your child will, if you start late (6 onward is a good indicative), most likely know more than they let on about sex. In these days, kids often know more about sex than the parents realize.
  2. 2
    Talk about sex more than once. It's best if kids hear small doses about sex over and over. Having one "sex talk" might be a convenient way for a parent to "get it over with" but it conveys that there is something embarrassing about sex, and doesn't provide for openings in communication later.
  3. 3
    Tell your child about the names of their sexual body parts, saying "That's your penis" or "That part is your vulva." (Avoid using nicknames like "peepee" or even "privates" as they convey that the real name is "embarrassing" or "naughty".) Start as early as when they are tots. This is when they're learning about all parts of their body. Talk to them when they are showing interest in their own body, or playing (e.g. masturbating) with showing those things to you. It's totally normal.
  4. 4
    Talk to your elementary child about crushes. Listen for when they talk about kids hugging or kissing on the playground, and when you hear it, take the opportunity to find out if there's anyone they like. Have they ever kissed anyone? At around age ten is the first stage of sexual awareness for children. They notice that it feels good to touch themselves. This is an important stage for later sexual health and identity. Never shame your child for their natural tendencies, as this is a natural part of healthy sexual development. If your child starts discussing other people's sexual body parts (or lack thereof) feel free to correct them gently.
  5. 5
    Listen to your middle schooler. Are they interested in boys, girls, or both? Are some of their friends "going out with someone " Ask where they go and what they do. It's really important for your kids to know that you'll listen without freaking out. You may have opinions about what's happening, but it's most important to hear what your child has to say. Ask them if they have any questions about boys or girls. Tell them about the mechanics of sexual intercourse. (Most of them have already heard this information from their friends who have older siblings, but it's important that they know you're willing to talk about it so they can come to you with questions later.)
  6. 6
    Discuss LGBT+ issues with your child. This will help them treat others with respect, and if they turn out not to be straight or cis, they will feel safe coming out to you.
    • Explain that some people fall in love with others of the same gender, and some people fall in love with people regardless of gender. Try checking out books from the library that feature same-sex couples.
    • Explain aromantic and asexual people. Some people never become interested in romance, and never feel sexual attraction. Tell them that this is okay.
    • Let them know about transgender people. Explain the difference between sex and gender, and that sex is usually—but not always—the same as someone's gender. Teach your child that the "real" gender is the way the transgender person feels at heart, and make it clear that these people deserve respect just like cisgender people do.
    • Inform them that you will always love and accept them, no matter what their orientation or gender status is. They should never have to feel that they have to hide who they are, or fear for their safety.
  7. 7
    When your child asks you questions on the subject, always answer them truthfully and honestly and never lie or hide. If you don't know the answer, both you and your child can look up the meaning in a medical book. Honesty is always the best policy. Your child can resent you if you lie to them or hide it from them (e.g saying "I'll tell you when you are a bit older," or, "The Stork brought you here")
  8. 8
    Ask them about their opinion, and if they have any worries or questions.

Method 2
Talking to Older Children

  1. 1
    Broaden your discussions as the child gets older. By high school, talk to your child about sexual feelings and thoughts. Sexual feelings are normal and are felt often and sometimes really strongly. Let your child know that they can enjoy their sexual feelings without acting on them. Ask them when they think a person would be ready to have sex. What are their parameters? Then share with them some of the thoughts you have now, and the feelings you remember having in high school.
  2. 2
    Show them a book or a website that is written by qualified Sex Health Care Professional and Educators. No matter what you think, practically, it still is difficult for over 80% of well-intentioned parents to follow steps 1 to 9.
  3. 3
    Discuss peer pressure and sexual assault. Your child will need to learn how to say no, how to exit a dangerous situation, how to intervene if someone else is in danger, and how to respect others' sexual boundaries (regardless of your child's gender). Both boys and girls need to learn about sexual assault.
    • Explain what victim-blaming is: a way to accuse the victim and absolve the criminal, the effect of which is basically "make sure he rapes the other girl." Teach your son or daughter that this is wrong, so that they do not perpetuate this, and so they will blame themselves less if they ever fall victim to assault.
    • Instill a deep respect for other human beings into your son's mind, and don't let him get away with casual sexism. This will make him more likely to respect women and stand up when he sees other people doing something wrong.
    • Your daughter may ask for self-defense classes, pepper spray, a whistle, or other ways to protect herself.
  4. 4
    Be open minded. Be aware of your child's social lives, and make them feel comfortable enough to talk to you about their love lives.
  5. 5
    Stress the importance of safe sex to your child. Make sure that they are well educated on the more common types of STDs, how they are transmitted, and how they can be prevented.
  6. 6
    Talk to them about the different types of birth control. Show your child how to put on a condom safely, using a prop such as a banana to make the experience more comfortable. Go into birth control options in detail, especially if your child may want to look into them at some point.
  7. 7
    Instill confidence in your children. This should have been done from a very young age. Make sure that they have enough confidence in themselves to be able to say no to sex until they are ready and willing.
  8. 8
    Make it clear to your son or daughter that it is okay to come to you with questions or concerns, and that you should be the first person they should talk to if they want to go on birth control. You should not be someone that they are scared of.

Community Q&A

Add New Question
  • What if they ask if they can have sex?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Explain that sex is a big responsibility: they need to be mature enough to communicate and listen to their partner, responsible enough to handle birth control, and levelheaded enough to navigate consent, embarrassment, and disappointed. Sex isn't always as fun as the movies make it out to be. This should help your child consider whether they're actually ready.
  • What should be done if a child sees his parents having sex?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Parents should stop having sex as soon as possible when they become aware of the child witnessing them. Parents should talk to the child about it, and talk to the child very soon thereafter. Parents should discuss what the child saw in respect to how much has already, or not, been discussed with the child on the subject of sex. Parents have the opportunity to include a discussion of sex in terms of committed relationship (what that means like love and commitment of longevity and dedication and monogamy for example; other terms in relationship and personal values should be explored to be discussed) and morality of when sex occurs and with whom.
  • What should you do if you feel as if your parents want you to start the conversation about sex?
    wikiHow Contributor
    You could try to to just show them like website which does say something about it on the website but point out a different subject. If they notice it, they will probably decide to tell you.
  • How old do I have to be to have sex?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Follow the legal guidelines. This is 16 in the UK. In the US it varies from state to state. It also varies in other countries. In the US, also check with your gynecologist.
  • Won't the child become overly friendly or develop some sort of complex by following these steps?
    wikiHow Contributor
    A healthy, nonjudgmental environment should not harm your child. If you're concerned about the child pushing boundaries, focus on consent (from small things like not poking someone who doesn't want to be touched, to big things like getting consent before kissing). Make it very clear that it's important to respect others' boundaries, and cultivate an atmosphere of respect and compassion in your home.
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  • Let your child know that no one else should ever touch them without their permission. Empower your child early to say no to some things, for example, acting inappropriately with relatives, so that they become practiced in establishing healthy boundaries. Teach them to set boundaries with more innocent things at home (e.g. how to tell your sister that you need quiet time, how to express that you are too tired and need a break).
  • Different parents will have different approaches, so make sure that your child takes away with them respect that they can teach their own children.
  • When having sex, you experience unexpected actions. If you are a woman, the man might start to go past your boundaries. It's okay to say no. E.g. "The man touches you in an inappropriate place (such as, your nipple, vagina...) and you don't like it. You got to understand that some people have sex for romance, and some to make a baby".
  • Explain to your child about STD, AIDS, etc.
  • Be open and honest with your child about how pregnancy occurs, how a baby is made and how a baby is born. For example, "Pregnancy occurs and a baby is made when two people do something called sexual intercourse (or having sex). One person puts their penis into another person's vagina. The baby grows in the uterus for about nine months, and that's why pregnant people's tummies get bigger. When it's time for the baby to be born, they go to the hospital, and it comes out of the vagina, unless they need to make a cut in the woman's tummy called a C-Section, so they can take the baby out from there." Never lie to your child or tell them that they came from a stork or a factory.
  • When discussing it at an early age, keep everything strictly biological. It is better to tell children about the more emotional aspects of sex at a later age when they are more mature.
  • Keep your conversations age appropriate. If your five year old asks how babies are made, tell only what they will understand, but do answer the question.
  • Tell them that it's okay to ask questions if they have any.
  • It's perfectly natural for your child to feel like running away, or say they don't have questions. Sex is an uncomfortable topic, regardless of how important "The Talk" is. Give them time to process and accept the new information.
  • Discourage having sex at a young age. Explain that sex has a lot of consequences, and your child needs to feel ready to handle it.
  • If your child asks you about masturbation, answer honestly, and do not make it seem like a shameful thing to do. Make your response appropriate to their age.
  • Keep the dialog about sex going all throughout childhood. Listen for your children to talk about it casually, and see this as an opening for you to engage in conversation.
  • Although you may have your religious or cultural values pertaining to sex, do not cloud your child's understanding of sex by stressing or forcing these values.
    • When your child is older or when they ask you about it, you can explain your beliefs, but let them know that other people do have different beliefs and that they will eventually need to make their own choices.


  • Never discourage or laugh when your child asks questions related to sex.
  • If your child comes to you, they trust you. Listen to them and don't pass immediate judgment.
  • If your child shares about inappropriate sexual contact, it's imperative to listen to their experience without freaking out to the point that they shut down. Listening is your most important tool. Don't prod; carefully listen to what they say. It is important that you take action based on their complaints, as failing to do so will devastate the child's trust and respect in you.
  • Don't panic! You can and must be able to talk to your child about sex if you want them to be safe.

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Categories: Featured Articles | Raising Children

In other languages:

Español: hablar de sexo con tu hijo, Italiano: Discutere di Sesso con Tuo Figlio, Português: Discutir Sexo com Seu Filho, Русский: обсуждать секс с вашим ребенком

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