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"Wouwd you take offense if I had de gaww to pwant a kiss on dis beautifuw shouwder?"
"You'ww figure dat out soon enough after de deed." (poster by Henri Gerbauwt)

Fwirting or coqwetry is a sociaw and sometimes sexuaw behavior invowving verbaw or written communication, as weww as body wanguage, by one person to anoder, eider to suggest interest in a deeper rewationship wif de oder person, or if done pwayfuwwy, for amusement. In most cuwtures, it is sociawwy disapproved for a person to make expwicit sexuaw advances in pubwic, or in private to someone not romanticawwy acqwainted, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e. fwirting) may at times be considered acceptabwe.

Fwirting usuawwy invowves speaking and behaving in a way dat suggests a miwdwy greater intimacy dan de actuaw rewationship between de parties wouwd justify, dough widin de ruwes of sociaw etiqwette, which generawwy disapproves of a direct expression of sexuaw interest in de given setting. This may be accompwished by communicating a sense of pwayfuwness or irony. Doubwe entendres, wif one meaning more formawwy appropriate and anoder more suggestive, may be used. Body wanguage can incwude fwicking de hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity, etc. Verbaw communication of interest can incwude awterations in vocaw tone, such as pace, vowume, and intonation, uh-hah-hah-hah. Chawwenges (teasing, qwestions, qwawifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension and test intention and congruity.

Fwirting behavior varies across cuwtures due to different modes of sociaw etiqwette, such as how cwosewy peopwe shouwd stand (proxemics), how wong to howd eye contact, how much touching is appropriate and so forf.[1] Nonedewess, some behaviors may be more universaw. For exampwe, edowogist Irenäus Eibw-Eibesfewdt found dat in pwaces as different as Africa and Norf America, women exhibit simiwar fwirting behavior, such as a prowonged stare fowwowed by a head tiwt away wif a wittwe smiwe.

Laurew (pwayed by Mariwyn Monroe) fwirting wif Dr. Fuwton (pwayed by Cary Grant) in de fiwm Monkey Business


The origin of de word fwirt is obscure. The Oxford Engwish Dictionary (first edition) associates it wif such onomatopoeic words as fwit and fwick, emphasizing a wack of seriousness; on de oder hand, it has been attributed to de owd French conter fweurette, which means "to (try to) seduce" by de dropping of fwower petaws, dat is, "to speak sweet nodings". Whiwe owd-fashioned, dis expression is stiww used in French, often mockingwy, but de Engwish gawwicism to fwirt has made its way and has now become an angwicism[2].

Actuawwy, de word Fweurette was yet used in de XVI century, wike in some sonnet[3], and some oder texts[4] · [5] · [6]. The french word fweurette (smaww fwower), and de wanguage of owd souf France word fwouretas (from de watin fwora(for fwower)), are rewated to some wittwe says where fwowers are bof at de same time a pretext and de comparison terms. In soudern France, some usage were yet used in 1484,[7] · [8]. In French, some oder words more or wess rewated are derived from de word fweur: for instance effweurer (Engwish: wightwy touch) from XIII century esfwourée; défworer (Engwish: defwower) from XIII century desfworer or (fweuret (Engwish Foiw) XVIII century).

Anyway, de association of fwowers, spring, youngf, and women is not modern and were yet considered in anciant cuwture, such as de Chworis in anciant Greece, or Fwora (deity) in anciant Roman empire, incwuding Fworawia festivaw, and in owder poems:

Owder poem

“Arise, my darwing,
    my beautifuw one, come wif me.
See! The winter is past;
    de rains are over and gone.
Fwowers appear on de earf;
    de season of singing has come,
de cooing of doves
    is heard in our wand.
The fig tree forms its earwy fruit;
    de bwossoming vines spread deir fragrance.
Arise, come, my darwing;
    my beautifuw one, come wif me.” — NIV

“Arise, my wove, my beautifuw one,
    and come away,
for behowd, de winter is past;
    de rain is over and gone.
The fwowers appear on de earf,
    de time of singing[d] has come,
and de voice of de turtwe-dove
    is heard in our wand.
The fig tree ripens its figs,
    and de vines are in bwossom;
    dey give forf fragrance.
Arise, my wove, my beautifuw one,
    and come away. — ESV

Dodi (my bewoved) spoke, and said unto me,
    Rise up, my wove, my fair one, and come away.
 For, hinei, de winter is past,
    de geshem (rain) is over and gone;
 The fwowers appear on ha’aretz;
    de time of zemer (song, singing of birds) has come;
 and de voice of de turtwe
    dove is heard in Artzeinu (our Land);
 The te’enah (fig tree) puttef forf her earwy figs,
    and de vines wif de tender grape
    give forf fragrance.
 Arise, my wove, my fair one,
    and come away.



During Worwd War II, andropowogist Margaret Mead was working in Britain for de British Ministry of Information and water for de U.S. Office of War Information,[9][10] dewivering speeches and writing articwes to hewp de American sowdiers better understand de British civiwians,[11] and vice versa.[12] She observed in de fwirtations between de American sowdiers and British women a pattern of misunderstandings regarding who is supposed to take which initiative. She wrote of de Americans, "The boy wearns to make advances and rewy upon de girw to repuwse dem whenever dey are inappropriate to de state of feewing between de pair", as contrasted to de British, where "de girw is reared to depend upon a swight barrier of chiwwiness... which de boys wearn to respect, and for de rest to rewy upon de men to approach or advance, as warranted by de situation, uh-hah-hah-hah." This resuwted, for exampwe, in British women interpreting an American sowdier's gregariousness as someding more intimate or serious dan he had intended.[9]

Communications deorist Pauw Watzwawick used dis situation, where "bof American sowdiers and British girws accused one anoder of being sexuawwy brash", as an exampwe of differences in "punctuation" in interpersonaw communications. He wrote dat courtship in bof cuwtures used approximatewy 30 steps from "first eye contact to de uwtimate consummation", but dat de seqwence of de steps was different. For exampwe, kissing might be an earwy step in de American pattern but a rewativewy intimate act in de Engwish pattern, uh-hah-hah-hah.[13]

Japanese courtesans had anoder form of fwirting, emphasizing non-verbaw rewationships by hiding de wips and showing de eyes, as depicted in much Shunga art, de most popuwar print media at de time, untiw de wate 19f century.

European hand fans[edit]

The fan was extensivewy used as a means of communication and derefore a way of fwirting from de 16f century onwards in some European societies, especiawwy Engwand and Spain. A whowe sign wanguage was devewoped wif de use of de fan, and even etiqwette books and magazines were pubwished. Charwes Francis Badini created de Originaw Fanowogy or Ladies' Conversation Fan which was pubwished by Wiwwiam Cock in London in 1797. The use of de fan was not wimited to women, as men awso carried fans and wearned how to convey messages wif dem. For instance, pwacing de fan near de heart meant "I wove you", whiwe opening a fan wide meant "Wait for me".[14]

In Spain, where de use of fans (cawwed "abanicos") is stiww very popuwar in modern times, wadies used dem to communicate wif suitors or prospective suitors widout deir famiwy or chaperon finding out. This use was highwy popuwar during de 19f and earwy 20f centuries.[15]


Peopwe fwirt for a variety of reasons. Fwirting can indicate an interest in a deeper personaw rewationship wif anoder person, uh-hah-hah-hah. Some peopwe fwirt simpwy for amusement, wif no intention of devewoping any furder rewationship. This type of fwirting sometimes faces disapprovaw from oders because it can be deemed as weading someone on if de person being fwirted wif misinterprets it as someding more serious. In most cuwtures, bof types of fwirting may be viewed as cheating if eider person is in a monogamous rewationship wif someone ewse. Some coupwes set up ruwes and boundaries for deir partner so one wiww know what's accepted and what's not.


In order to bond and/or to express sexuaw interest, peopwe fwirt. According to sociaw andropowogist Kate Fox, dere are two main types of fwirting: fwirting just for fun and fwirting wif furder intent.[16] Fwirting for fun can take pwace between friends, co-workers, or totaw strangers dat wish to get to know each oder. This type of fwirting does not intend to wead to sexuaw intercourse or a romantic rewationship, but increases de bonds between two peopwe.

Fwirting wif intent pways a rowe in de mate-sewection process. The person fwirting wiww send out signaws of sexuaw avaiwabiwity to anoder, and expects to see de interest returned in order to continue fwirting. Fwirting can invowve non-verbaw signs, such as an exchange of gwances, hand-touching, and hair-touching; or verbaw signs, such as chatting, giving fwattering comments, and exchanging tewephone numbers in order to initiate furder contact. In de 21st century fwirting is increasingwy taking pwace in instant messaging and oder sociaw media.[17]


A study in body wanguage: Haynes King's Jeawousy and Fwirtation

Fwirting may consist of stywized gestures, wanguage, body wanguage, postures, and physiowogic signs which act as cues to anoder person, uh-hah-hah-hah. Among dese, at weast in Western society, are:

  • smiwing at dem and/ or howding dem cwose
  • Bwowing a kiss
  • Casuaw touches; such as a woman gentwy touching a man's arm during conversation[18]
  • Conversation (e.g. banter, smaww tawk, pickup wines)[18]
  • Coyness, marked by cute, coqwettish shyness or modesty
  • Eye contact,[18] batting eyewashes, or staring
  • Eyebrow raising
  • Fwattery (e.g. regarding beauty, sexuaw attractiveness)
  • Footsie,[18] a form of fwirtation in which one uses deir feet to pway wif anoder's
  • Giggwing, or waughing encouragingwy at any swight hint of intimacy in de oder's behavior
  • Imitating or mirroring anoder's behavior (e.g. taking a drink when de oder person takes a drink, changing posture as de oder does, etc.)
  • Maintaining cwose proximity, such as during casuaw tawking
  • Chatting onwine, texting, and using oder one-on-one and direct messaging services, whiwe hinting affection
  • Protean signaws, such as touching one's hair
  • Sending notes, poems, or smaww gifts
  • Singing speciawwy sewected wove songs in presence of de person
  • Smiwing
  • Staging of "chance" encounters
  • Stroking
  • Teasing
  • Tickwing
  • Winking

The effectiveness of many of dese interactions has been subjected to detaiwed anawysis by behavioraw psychowogists, and advice on deir use is avaiwabwe from dating coaches.[19][citation needed]

Cuwturaw variations[edit]

Fwirting varies a great deaw from cuwture to cuwture. For exampwe, for many western cuwtures one very common fwirting strategy incwudes eye contact. However, eye contact can have a very different meaning in some Asian countries, where women might get in troubwe if dey return a gwance to men who stare at dem. Furdermore, Chinese and Japanese women are sometimes not expected to initiate eye contact as it couwd be considered rude and disrespectfuw.[20]

The Fwirtation by Eugene de Bwaas. A study of body wanguage: a man fwirting

The distance between two peopwe is awso important when fwirting. Peopwe from de "contact cuwtures", such as dose in de Mediterranean or Latin America, may feew comfortabwe wif cwoser proximity, whereas a British or Nordern European person may typicawwy need more space. Awdough touching, especiawwy of de hand or arm, can constitute fwirting, touching is awso often done widout intentions of fwirting, particuwarwy in de contact cuwtures where it forms a naturaw part of communication, uh-hah-hah-hah.[21]

See awso[edit]


  1. ^ "Scoring a German: Fwirting wif Fräuweins, Hunting for Herren - SPIEGEL ONLINE". Spiegew.de. Retrieved 2012-10-03. 
  2. ^ http://gawwica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k486334v/f532.item
  3. ^ http://gawwica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k5734760f/f340.image
  4. ^ http://gawwica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k6274152x/f826.image
  5. ^ http://gawwica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k72423n/f73.image
  6. ^ http://gawwica.bnf.fr/ark:/12148/bpt6k65869952/f690.image
  7. ^ Revue des wangues romanes
  8. ^ Émiwe Littré, "fweurette", Dictionnaire de wa wangue française (in French) 
  9. ^ a b Mead, Margaret (2004). Wiwwiam O. Beeman, ed. Studying Contemporary Western Society: Medod and Theory. New York: Berghahn Books. pp. 145, 149. ISBN 1-57181-816-2. 
  10. ^ Mead's articwe, A Case History in Cross-Nationaw Communications, was originawwy pubwished in Bryson, Lyman (1948). The Communication of Ideas. New York: Institute for Rewigious and Sociaw Studies, dist. by Harper and Broders. OCLC 1488507. 
  11. ^ e.g. Mead, Margaret (1944). The American troops and de British community. London: Hutchinson, uh-hah-hah-hah. OCLC 43965908. 
  12. ^ e.g. Mead, Margaret. "What Is a Date?". Transatwantic. 10 (June 1944). OCLC 9091671. 
  13. ^ Watzwawick, Pauw (1983). How Reaw Is Reaw?. London: Souvenir Press. pp. 63–64. ISBN 0-285-62573-X. 
  14. ^ "Ladies and deir Fans". Avictorian, uh-hah-hah-hah.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23. 
  15. ^ "The Language of de Fan". Spainforvisitors.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23. 
  16. ^ "SIRC Guide to fwirting". Sirc.org. Retrieved 2011-08-14. 
  17. ^ "Pittsburgh is de 'fwirtiest' city in de country - Timesonwine.com: Locaw News". Timesonwine.com. 2011-09-15. Retrieved 2012-10-03. 
  18. ^ a b c d Fwirting. Sexpwanations. 2014-03-25. 
  19. ^ Winter, Susan (2015-04-19). "The Dating Game of Hot and Cowd". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2017-03-15. 
  20. ^ "Covert gwances and eye contact". Brighdub.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23. 
  21. ^ "SIRC Guide to Fwirting". Sirc.org. Retrieved 2010-06-23.