Sunday, 28 July 2013

Why You Cant Truly Know Other People

It's no secret that we present different versions of ourselves to different people, but we also think we can see through everyone else's versioning system. Somehow we believe ours is impenetrable yet the rest of the world can be read like a book. As David McRaney, author of You Are Not So Smart, points out, carrying on this way is delusional, yet we all do it. Here's why.

The versions of yourself that you present and others present to you are simple and easy to understand. It isn't difficult to for someone to believe that they know you when who you are is a presented set of simplified traits. It's also why people seem easy to read. In reality, who you truly believe you are and who others believe themselves to be is generally internalized and imperceptible to others:


This phenomenon—what psychologists call the illusion of asymmetric insight—creates a lot of problems. For instance, it allows you to completely reject what others believe because you think you understand it, and remain convinced that they'd agree with you if only they understood your point of view. Basically, you think you can understand everyone else and nobody can understand you. It gets even worse in groups. If you need an example, take a look at politics.

In reality, nobody's really right or wrong. We're never going to be able to paint a full picture of ourselves even if we're completely honest. Because much of who we are is internalized, we'll always project an incomplete version of who we are. When we look at other people, however, we have to remember that they're doing the same thing. It's easy to argue and disagree with what we see, hear, and observe, but the full truth is often often beyond our reach. Next time you disagree with another person or group, remember that you probably don't truly know and understand their point of view. You may agree on more than you're able to perceive.

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