Maths Jokes

The acorn

Q. What did the mathematical acorn say when it grew up?
A. Gee I'm a tree (Geometry).


A: Pumpkin Pi

Mathematicians at the beach


Zero said to eight

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!




Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An algae-bra.


Q. Why is the number six scared of seven?
A. Because seven eight nine (7 ate 9)!

Crushed Angle

Q. What do you call a crushed angle? A. A rectangle!

No homework

Pupil: Would you punish me for something I haven't done? Teacher: Of course not. Pupil: That's good because I haven't done my homework!

Dog with a bad foot

Q. Why is a dog with a bad foot like adding 6 and 7? A. Because he puts down three and carries the one.


Q. Why are misers good Maths Teachers? A. Because they know how to make every penny count!.


Q. Why are powers like fish? A. Because they're all indices (in the seas!)

How many times?

Q: how many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards? A: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every time.

Sad Textbook

Q. Why did the Maths textbook look so sad? A. Because it had so many problems!

Three types of people


Hot corner

If it is cold, go and stand in the corner, because it is 90 degrees there.





Sun Circle

A. Pi in the sky.


3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!

High Cooking

Q. What do you call a saucepan of simmering soup on top of a mountain?
A. A high-pot-in-use!


Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back. We don't know Y either.


Q. Why did the (x2+1) tree fall over?
A. Because it had no real roots!


I will do algebra, I'll do trigonometry and I'll even do statistics but geometry and graphing is where I draw the line!


Calendars, their days are numbered.


The following sign appeared on an episode of the Simpsons. Delicious Joke

No Comprende

I don't understand how to double 2n. It sounds 4n to me.

Big Dinner

What did the Mathematician say after eating a very large dinner? Over 8 Joke

Glasses improve vision

Always wear glasses to Maths lessons. They help with division!

Graph paper

I see you have graph paper. You must be plotting something!

Angle talk

Q. What did the complementary angle say to the acute angle?
A. You are looking nice today.


Thursday, March 13, 2014

"I had an argument with a ninety degree angle. It turns out it was right!"


Monday, May 19, 2014

"Q. What is sine jerine over cosine jerine?
A. Tangerine?"

Adi, Fiji

Thursday, June 5, 2014

"Son:''My Math Teacher is crazy''.
Mother:'' Why??
Son:Yesterday she told us that 5 is 4+1;today she is telling us that 5 is 3+2 !!"

Joey, Essex

Friday, June 6, 2014

"Keith: 'How many sides does a square have?'
Joey: 'Six'
Keith: 'You are an idiot! How did you figure that out?'
Joey: 'Well it has a top, a bottom, a left side, a right side, an inside and an outside!'."

Isoball, Mawiner

Monday, June 23, 2014

"Knock knock,
Who's there?
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my maths?"


Monday, July 7, 2014

"MATHS TEACHER : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

STUDENT: I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter."

Sakshi, Nanded

Friday, August 1, 2014

"Q: How can you make seven even?
A: by removing the 's'!"

John Cuthbert, YARM

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

"Can you read this : 11was1greyhnd
Ans: Oneone was one greyhound
Onetwo was one too
Onetwo won one race
Oneone won one too."

John Cuthbert, YARM

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

"What is the favourite destination for Maths teachers?
Ans Tenby."

Jane, The Tower In The Garden

Thursday, January 29, 2015

"A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London's Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses and a calculator.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Spokesman said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like X and Y and refer to themselves as 'unknowns;' but we have determined that they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle.'"

Charlie Houston, Derby

Thursday, March 26, 2015

"What happened to the plant in the maths room?
It grew square roots!"


Thursday, July 9, 2015

"Pupil: why am I in trouble for something I did not do?
teacher: the 'something I did not do' was your homework."

MCPE Remix, MC²

Friday, July 10, 2015

"Why did all the meters run from the 1000m race?
It was a Killer Meter ar the end."

Tony, Connecticut

Saturday, October 10, 2015

"A math student went into a store and bought 2 copies of MATH FOR DUMMIES at $16.99 each. The total was $50."

Ava And Avril, Tralee

Friday, January 15, 2016

"Parallel lines have so much in common its a pity they'll never meet."

Biswajit, Salipur

Monday, April 11, 2016

"Einstien's wife: How am I looking?
Einstien: Reciprocal of cos c.
wife: what?
Einstien: yes.1/cos c= sec c(sexy)."


Tuesday, April 19, 2016

"What do you call a dead parrot?
A polygon!"


Thursday, June 2, 2016

"If the test question is three minus the square root of nine you can write down nothing but get full marks!"

Chrissy Patterson, Twitter

Friday, September 9, 2016

"If a got 50 pence for every time I failed a maths exam I'd have about £6.30 now."

Katie, Birmingham

Thursday, March 30, 2017

"What's a maths teacher's favourite food?
Takeaway !!"


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

"Q:What do you call a shape that is out of shape?
A: Unfit."

Chris Smith, Twitter

Thursday, June 22, 2017

"A Mathematician can't remember whether he's been going out with his girlfriend for one year or two but he knows it's <3."

Science Studio, Twitter

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

"Sheepdog: There are 40 sheep.
Farmer: I counted 36.
Sheepdog: I rounded 'em up."

Emma Valerio, Twitter

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

"An opinion without 3.14159265359 is just an onion."


Sunday, July 16, 2017

"Did you know that three out of two people have trouble with fractions?"

Daniel Stevenson, Twitter

Friday, October 13, 2017

"f(x) walks into a bar. The barman says, 'Sorry, we don't cater for functions.'"

Tina Berghella, Twitter

Friday, October 13, 2017

"The Romans didn't find algebra very challenging because X was always 10."



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