Monday, February 12, 2007

Happy Abe Lincoln’s Birthday!

It’s Abraham Lincoln’s birthday today, so I thought I’d share some of the lesser-known facts about him. Did you know?

-Abraham Lincoln went into politics because of a failed athletic career. Nobody wanted to play against someone who was so much taller than practically all the rest of his fellow students. Not only that, but he insisted on playing while wearing his trademark stovepipe hat. This would have been fine but for Abe’s impressive vertical leap that would inevitably get his hat entangled in the net, after which they would have to call a time-out to extract it.

-As an avid opponent of the Arabic numeral system, Lincoln insisted that his jersey number be spelled out in full on the back. Three women developed severe arthritis stitching his number, “Fourscore and Seven,” onto his jersey.

-Lincoln frequently lost focus during the game, concentrating instead on “emancipating” players from the other team’s bench.

-Catholic schools refused to play against Abe Lincoln because of his stated personal motto: “With Malice Toward Nuns.”

-Abraham Lincoln is widely regarded as one of our least-attractive presidents. He even countered Stephen Douglas’ accusation that he was two-faced with, “If that were true, do you think I would wear this one?” However, Lincoln was very good-looking in high school. His classmates often referred to him by the nickname, “Adonis Abe.” When someone misheard this as “Honest Abe,” Lincoln decided to go with that, since an “honest” politician seemed like such a novel idea.

-A similar situation is true of Abe’s reputation as a champion rail splitter. In point of fact, the mischievous young man was a champion rail spitter. Many balls and barn dances were ruined when the heroic “expectorator” would hide in the shadows and spit over the railing onto the dance floor below.

-Finally, did you know that Abraham Lincoln was the inspiration for Dr Seuss’ "Cat in the Hat"? Think about it: tall and gangly; fuzzy of face; mischievous sense of humor; persuasive wordsmithing; bow tie, dark suit, and tail/s; the ever-present stovepipe hat?

Most Lincoln scholars are agreed that if Lincoln were alive today, he’d be really old. What would he say, were he alive today? Probably, “Why is it so dark in here?”

Much funnier stuff than this may be found at!


The Drive-by Blogger said...

Very funny stuff Mr.Brain!

Diesel said...

Now that he's in heaven, Abe is a champion distance runner. You wouldn't believe how many miles Lincoln logs.

Allen said...

Here in IL, Abe's a minor deity. They still celebrate his birthday apart from President's Day, and let kids out of school for it.
Glad you enjoyed it.

Harry L said...

Is his birthday a statewide holiday?
I always understood that southern Illinois was more "southern"??

Allen said...

Harry L,
Apparently, most schools in IL have the option to let kids out either for Lincoln's birthday or President's Day. This is more recognition of Abe's B-day than most places anymore, I think.