This is how long it should take you to poo

Melissa Shedden

Science has it down to the exact second.

Photo: iStock

Everyone poos, but how you do it is personal.

Are you a toilet paper folder or scruncher? Do you sit or stand to wipe? Do you take your time or leave it to the last minute?

Inside that toilet cubicle anything goes - it’s a world free of rules – until now. Could you have been pooing wrong this whole time?

A new study of the hydrodynamics of defecation recently published in the journal Soft Matter (gross) and covered in New Scientist shows it should only take you 12 seconds to poo.

The study, led by Patricia Yang, a PhD candidate at the Georgia Institute of Technology, analysed videos of 34 different species of mammals, who were answering the call of nature.

The mammals ranged in size (from four to 4000kg) and diet (both herbivores and carnivores) but one thing was consistent – and that’s the time it took them to do their business.

You see, Yang explained that in the wild, a fast, easy poo can be a means of survival for a mammal.

"The smell of body waste attracts predators, which is dangerous for animals," Yang told New Scientist. “If they stay longer doing their thing, they’re exposing themselves and risking being discovered.”

Sure, as humans, predators aren’t exactly going to hunt us down on the toilet (unless you count small children), but you might experience a case of judgey face from your work and house mates if you loiter.

If the toilet is just a safe haven hang out for you, there’s no problem. But Yang does warn spending too much time on the porcelain can lead to haemorrhoids - enlarged blood vessels around the rectum – if you’re straining to go. If you are experiencing trouble, seek medical advice.

Still, good to know anything over that 12 seconds is unnecessary - and that right there is time you can get back in your day.

The Project hosts lose it over monkey poo video0:29

The Project hosts can't keep it together after watching a video of a monkey throwing poo at an elderly woman. Courtesy: Channel 10/The Project