David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

Thankfully, I also read.

What I Learned About Communism From My 12th Grade Civics Teacher, Mr. Roger Murphy.

Communism is a form of government in which the government owns the means of production. Some famous Communists include Karl Mark, Vladimir Lenin and Jimmy Carter. In China, Communism was spearheaded by Mao Tse Tung who wrote his philosophy in a tiny red book. To quote Mr. Murphy, "Mao's Little Red Book is just like a bachelor's little black book. Except, instead of having the phone numbers of dangerous women who will destroy you, it contains dangerous ideas that will destroy a country."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt introduced Communism to the United State by instituting the welfare state that allowed the lazy to, as Mr. Murphy put it, "Suck dry the teat of the working man." When asked about the difference between Communism and Socialism, he replied that only difference between Communists and Socialists was that Communists tended to dress better and Socialists rarely bathe.

Communists do not allow free practice of religion, even Christianity. If one were to pray to Jesus, one would be locked up and tortured until one renounced God and replaced him with Karl Marx and secular humanism. "Do I need to give you another reason," Mr. Murphy asked, "to convince you that all Communists should be rounded up and shot?"

Thankfully, Communism was brought to its knees by Ronald Reagan, Joseph McCarthy and the heroic, and unjustly criticized, Richard Nixon. Today, Communism only exists in China. Mr. Murphy theorized that we should never mess with China. He said that if we did, there were so many of them, all they would have to do is stand on the border, pee at the same time and they would wash us all away in a giant tidal wave of urine. Then he laughed and said, "They call that the Yellow River."

Mr. Murphy was never able to finish the unit on Communism. The teacher's union went on strike for regular cost of living increases. He chose to honor the picket line.

My sister had him the following year, after his divorce, and he sat all the pretty girls in the front row so that he would have something to look at while he taught.

He is now retired.
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