Sunday, 26 February 2012

Love, Women and Indian Society

“First love is sweet despair”

What is love? Of course there is no definition for it. When we are young our hormones are the predominant factor in deciding whom we love. Science is of the view that in men the brain functions in such a way as to allow them to choose the most productive of women that would bear their child. Women, on the other hand are geared to choose the man that would provide them with all sorts of support. And how exactly does either of them decide about their partners? Smell, gait, voice, eyes, the way of looking and other trifles that would otherwise hold no meaning. This is what a friend of mine once remarked, infatuation. But, what when they grow up?

The parameters doubtlessly change when boys and girls grow up. One has to remember that those just out of their teens are aimless and afraid of their futures. Fear gives rise to either to the fight for survival or to bullying. Parents and teachers would have the children take the former path. So should they, if they have to live and lead a luxurious life. Nothing wrong there. Society will not feed you.
Wait a minute bane, the heading says, “Women and society” and what are you talking about? Patience my dear reader, patience. Something our Indian society now lacks. Allow me to recount an incident.
‘A girl joins a college to pursue higher education. So does a boy. Of course the scene is set in the same college. The girl is not of best academics. The boy is better in studies. The girl lacks self confidence. The boy doesn’t have a clear aim. Having met the girl and finding that she suits him, he foresees a future. He helps her out in her studies and she finds for the first time in her life, someone who cares. They fall in love. [Pay attention now dear reader].
What are your views regarding their love? 

Do you think they were actually in love? Or was it just complementing each other. What one didn't get at home, one finds in a partner. The girl was considered a burden by her parents. The boy had yet to decide a path for his life and future. When he met the girl, he was suddenly taken over by the idea that he has a purpose in life. To protect his love, to care for her, to support her. She always wanted, but, lacked such care. They were now under the impression, they were made for each other.

Let us now take a look at the parents' perspective. The parents of the boy had obviously no objection (apparently) and as for the girl's family they were initially in agreement of their union. Initially I said and I mean it. Something happened and the result was something that was straight out of some Bollywood masala movie.

A highly posted official of that college saw her and fell for her. Considering she was 18, he was almost double the age. A year later he proposed to her family, and, the family, seeing his position and bank balance, immediately agreed. The girl had almost no say in this. She was forced to accept the marriage and she gave in.

The boy was threatened and warned of dire consequences if he even went near her. So, at age 19-20 she was engaged only to be married a few months later. She had no choice. The men in power always have their say.

So what is your point bane? This happens all the time. Why bother?
Yes. It happens all the time. It happens that a girls family considers her to be burden. It happens that a girl in India is never asked for her opinions for her life. It happens that a girl may not fall in love, may be married off at young age, to a much older fellow. It happens that a girl in India may have to bear a child and carry out the duties of a wife at an age when she hardly knows herself.

The girl in the above mentioned story asked her family only this much, that if they want her marry the man they want, atleast let her grow up. Let her complete her studies. She was beaten to silence and submittance.

The girl and the boy may be wrong. They may be rash in deciding their life's route, but, tell me do you find it meek that a girl in India should have no right to choose? There was a time when women in India chose their husband in a ritual called swayamvar. It is a thing of the past now.
The women are suppressed inspite of numerous women welfare and rights laws. They do not yet have a say. A society that can not respect its women is bound to doom. It will eventually fail. And this is quite visible. The values are losing their merit  and acceptance among the youth. Not only the boys but also the girls use language that might be called beggarly or filthy. They do not have respect for elders and scoff at parents advice.

These young boys and girls will become parents of tommorrow but will they be able to impart any culture or value to their children? No. The society will break. Evil will run rampant. All this just because we today will fail to give the best values to our children. 

Every parent wants the best for their children. However, in their decisions, the children's feelings should not be hurt.

I know the girl will fall in order of events in her life. She will eventually forget her first love and learn to adjust in her new environment. She will be a good wife and a good mother. Her first love? Sweet despair.

I believe the women will be liberated from such hapless conditions and will have a greater choice  and say in their life. Hoping for the general good.

(This is not fiction; it is based on a true story of my friends and the fate of their love)