If you think of yourself as an open and accepting person, it can be a surprise to hear one of your kids make a racist or sexist remark. However, children can be curious about differences and simply need a way to talk about the differences. Rather than ignoring a judgmental comment, it's important to talk with your kids about prejudice against people who are different than them. Once you've listened to their questions and answered them honestly, you can encourage your children to accept other people for who they are.

Part 1 of 2:
Talking with Your Kids

  1. 1
    Consider your own biases. Before you even begin to talk with your kids about prejudice and judgmental attitudes, you need to be aware of your own biases. Even if you don't consider yourself to be prejudiced against others, you might realize that you're uncomfortable around some people. Think about why you might feel this way.
    • For example, you might realize that you're uncomfortable around people of other religions. Maybe this is because you were never exposed to people outside of your own faith as you were growing up.
  2. 2
    Expect your children's curiosity. Don't be shocked or surprised if your young kids make comments that are obvious or insensitive. Young kids pay attention to differences among people and they're curious about why others aren't like them. Your kids may simply state the differences or they may make a hurtful joke if they're a little older. This does not mean that your kids are prejudiced. It just means you need to talk with them about being sensitive to others.[1]
    • Avoid reacting with anger or shaming your kids when they say something prejudiced. This will make them less likely to want to talk with you about it.
  3. 3
    Acknowledge differences. Talk honestly with your kids about how people are unique. While you might think you're being impartial by saying that there aren't differences between people, this won't teach your kids how to interact with others. It also minimizes aspects that often define people. If your child says something obvious, acknowledge the observation and talk about it.[2]
    • For example, if one of your kids says, "Look at his brown skin!" respond to the statement. You could say, "Yes, he has brown skin. Do you know anyone else with brown skin?"
    • Teach your child how to politely ask about others' differences when it's appropriate.
  4. 4
    Answer their questions directly. Once you've started a conversation with your kids, ask them if there's anything they want to know about what they've seen or experienced. Be honest and specific when answering their questions to avoid misunderstanding. Avoiding the question or changing the subject will make your kids feel like they're asking about something shameful.[3]
    • You can explain to your kids that it's fine to notice differences in other people, but that you shouldn't think better or worse about them because of these differences.
  5. 5
    Consider your children's ages. Kids of any age can be curious about others so talk with them as soon as they begin pointing out differences. Tailor your answers and discussion so they're age appropriate. When talking with young kids (under 7), talk about the differences and remind them of the similarities that all people have.[4]
    • If your kids are older (over 10), you can have similar talks, but ask people of different religions, genders, ethnic groups, and learning abilities to talk with your kids.
  6. 6
    Be involved with your children's lives. Find out what prompted your kids' interest in differences. One of the best ways to learn about what your kids are exposed to is to be involved in their school. Talk with their teachers and try to find out if your kids are being excluded from activities because of prejudiced classmates. Find out what their classmates are like and their backgrounds.
    • If your kids are asking prejudiced questions or statements, but not because of things they're seeing at school, consider what they're watching on television. Or think about what they're experiencing in your neighborhood.
  7. 7
    Ask them where they heard things you haven't said. If your child is making prejudicial remarks, they may have heard it from someone else and don't know what it means. Ask them where they heard it and what they think it means. If they don't know what it means, explain it to them. Help them practice empathy by asking them how they would feel if someone said something like that about them.
    • Say, "I heard you say [remark]. What do you think that means?"
    • Follow up with, "How would you feel if someone called you a [comparable remark]."

Part 2 of 2:
Encouraging Your Children to Be Inclusive

  1. 1
    Set a good example. Once you're aware of your own biases, you can make an effort to be more inclusive and understanding of others. Your kids will watch you and learn what is acceptable behavior. This also means that you need to stand up to prejudice and discrimination when you see it.
    • For example, if you hear someone making offensive jokes, tell them that you don't want to hear it around you or your kids. Let them know that what they're saying is hurtful.
    • Teach them about their own cultural heritage so they know how to share it if others ask them.
  2. 2
    Boost your child's self-esteem and empathy. Part of raising kids who aren't prejudiced is raising them to have good opinions of themselves and others. Kids who are sympathetic to the feelings of those around them won't be as judgmental or critical. Let your kids know that you care for them and are proud of them.[5]
    • When you notice your kids doing a good job of treating people well or being kind, tell them how proud you are.
  3. 3
    Expose your children to a variety of people. If your kids are surrounded by people who are of a similar background, they may be surprised when they learn of people's differences. Try to expose your kids to people with backgrounds and experiences that are different than their own. This will make your kids feel more comfortable and accepting.
    • For example, you could sign your kids up for team sports in an integrated community or get books and toys that show people of different ethnic backgrounds or genders.
  4. 4
    Teach your children about different cultures and religions. While it may seem helpful to devote a day or holiday to talk about a specific culture, that's actually not the best way to involve your kids. Instead of isolating a different culture, religion, or figure to a holiday, involve these people and experiences in everyday life.[6]
    • You could take your kids to museums that teach them about the history of oppressed groups. You could also take your kids to several places of worship or cultural events to expose them to as many diverse people as possible.
  5. 5
    Discuss ways to respond to prejudice. If your kids are older, talk with them about how they can react when they see discrimination. Help them come up with a good way to respond to classmates they may see discriminating against other classmates. If something in particular bothers your kids, find a way to reach out and address the prejudice.
    • For example, if your kids like a certain television show, but don't like the way a character is stereotyped or discriminated against, write a letter with your kids to the television producer. Let the producer know that those attitudes are harmful and you want them to stop.

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      • When teaching diversity, don't limit yourself to race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, culture, or gender. Teach your child about disability as well.

      About this article

      Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
      Co-authored by:
      Professional Counselor
      10 votes - 40%
      Co-authors: 4
      Updated: May 3, 2021
      Views: 1,640

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