The Dharma and My Family

Jumping from his chair at the dinner table a child exclaims “Daddy I through eating!” The father surveys the scene and inquires “Are you really?” The child looks back at the dinner table, “Oh, yeah, I forgot.” The child immediately goes back to the dinner table picks up his plate and cup and places them in the sink. The child, looking back at the father, smiles calmly and says “Now, I am finished eating.” The father with a wink and a nod smiles back and excuses the child.

This simple exchange between father and son has its roots in the Buddhist practice. Several hundred years ago this exchange took place between a Buddhist master and a young monk. The exchange between the master and the young monk was just as simple. After dinner the young monk asked the master to teach him the means to enlightenment. The master calmly looked at the young monk and inquired “Have you finished eating?” and the monk answered “Yes.” The master said “Then go wash your bowl.”

The foregoing example shows that the Buddhist practice can be taught to children as displayed in family values. On many occasions I have come across serious Buddhist practitioners who give no thought of teaching their own children. In some cases the practitioners feel that the children are too young to learn. In other cases the practitioners do not feel that they are competent to teach the Dharma to their own children. However, I believe that if a person is capable of understanding the Dharma, at the minimum they will be able to communicate that little understanding they have to another person. To some practitioners, they believe they must achieve complete enlightenment before they are capable of or dare to teach the Dharma.

Venerable Master Sheng Yen addressed this issue. He stated, “suppose a person had never tasted a pineapple, yet that person had smelled the scent of a pineapple. If another person who also had never tasted the pineapple asked that person what a pineapple tastes like, even though the first person had not tasted the pineapple, they could remark about the scent of the pineapple. That’s something.” In other words, Master Sheng Yen was conveying the idea that one can still communicate certain concepts which make up a part of what the pineapple tastes like. In this way the person asking the question about what the pineapple tastes like will have a better understanding of the thick sweetness and sourness of the taste of a pineapple and may seek to taste it themselves.

Likewise, with our own families, if we do not teach the Dharma to our children then what do we teach? Do we teach our children to watch television or play video games for endless hours? Do we teach them to hold on to material possessions? Do we teach them to become angry and impatient when things do not go our way?

In fact, every moment the children are observing our actions and our speech. This is how they learn. They not only observe our actions and our speech, but they learn to mimic them. Their young brains are quietly wiring and computing this information, which will serve as a foundation for their own actions of body, spech and mind in later years.

Thus, it is important for us to teach our children the Dharma. In the bowl washing example that was given above many aspects of the Dharma were taught. These include the following:

1. The child is taught to be in the present moment. Where is the child’s mind? Did it follow the sequence of conduct that is to eat and next to put the plate in the sink? Or did the child immediately leap from the chair and run to engage in other activities being entirely oblivious to the present moment?

2. The child was taught compassion and wisdom. By picking up his plate, he helped those who had to clean up. In this way he understands that there is effort being made in the production of the meal and in the cleaning up after the meal. The child begins to understand that to be helpful should come naturally from the heart. In this way the child also begins to acquire the wisdom of the moment. In later years this wisdom and compassion will help the child tremendously in interactions with other people.

3. The child is taught not to be selfish. Often times we spoil our children to such an extent that the children believe that they are the prince or princesses of their own little world. They feel that they are exempt from taking responsibility for any task at home. When we do not teach our children to take responsibility in early age, later they will feel a stronger sense of self. This stronger sense of self will inhibit them from assisting others unless such assistance would be of some benefit to them. When we teach the children to remove the plates from the table, we are teaching them that they are not so important as to be excused from participating in the preparation or the cleaning up after a meal. It gives them a sense of connection with the family unit. In later years this sense of connection will help them to understand that all sentient beings are part of their family. Thus, all sentient beings should be helped.

Additionally, the child learns that they should not be so selfish with time. Many children get upset if you ask them to turn off the television set and take the garbage out or even to pick up their room. They believe that this infringes on their time. Thus, at an early age one begins to teach their children that if they do not do this work someone else must do it. Through this they begin to understand the true value of time. Thus, they do not become attached to every moment as being some moment which they should be deriving pleasure from.

The bowl washing example is a very simple example but it does show how in the home the Dharma can be taught. There are countless ways in the home to teach your child the Dharma. It is hoped that after reading this article that the reader will renew their efforts to teach the Dharma to their children. The Dharma can be taught in a formal way such as the practice of recitation, reading scriptures, reading Buddhist childrens stories or discussing basic Buddhist concepts with a child. And as we have seen above, the Dharma can also be taught through examples and having your child take responsibility for affairs around the house. In this way the family unit serves as a microcosmic environment to allow your children to practice the Dharma until such time as it arises naturally in the mind. Thus, it is not the teaching of the Dharma that effects the child but the child’s use of the Dharma which gradually erodes the vexations of the mind.

Wishing you and your family all blessings in the name of Amitabha Buddha.