Helping Children Understand Cremation

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

The Adult as Role Model and Helper




Children Are Naturally Curious

Children are naturally curious about everything, including death. But death is a taboo subject in many families. A parent or family member who would gladly help a child with his science homework may be uncomfortable answering the same child’s questions about death, funerals and cremation.


Follow the Lead of Each Unique Child

If there is one rule of thumb to keep in mind as you guide this child through the funeral experience, it is this: Follow the child’s lead. If you listen to her and pay attention to her behaviors, the child will teach you what she is curious about, what doesn’t interest her, what makes her scared.

Follow her lead as you answer her questions about cremation. Give her only as much information as she wants to know. If she has more questions, she’ll probably ask-especially if you’ve shown her that you are someone who will answer her questions honestly and openly.

Understand Cremation Yourself

Most adults have never been taught exactly what happens during cremation. Let’s review that information first.






Keep Your Explanations Simple


Whatever information you choose to share, take care to use words that he will understand. This depends not only on the child’s age, but also his developmental level, his personality and his vocabulary. If your words and your tone convey that you are comfortable with the process of cremation, the child will likely feel the same way.



Some Child-Friendly Cremation Information

  • There is no smell and no smoke when a body is cremated. It just gets very hot-about three times as hot as your oven at home can get. The heat burns away all the parts of the body except for some pieces of bone.
  • After cremation, what’s left of the body looks like fishbowl rocks or kitty litter, except it’s white because it’s bone. It’s put in a clear plastic bag so you can see it if you want to.
  • When a dead body is buried in the ground, it breaks down after months and years and just a skeleton is left. Cremation makes this happen much, much faster.
  • Cremation has been used for thousands of years. The ancient Greeks and Romans built funeral pyres (rhymes with hires), which were stacks of wood the body was put on top of. The wood was set afire and the body burned, too. Funeral pyres are still used in India today.
  • Cremation doesn’t hurt. The person is dead, which means the body doesn’t work anymore. It’s heart doesn’t beat, it’s brain has stopped working, it doesn’t breathe and it doesn’t feel anything anymore.
  • The people doing the cremation take it very seriously and handle the body with a lot of respect. Just like you do, they understand that ______________ (the person who died) was a unique, special person who deserves to leave this world with dignity.

Include the Child and You’ll Be Helping Her Heal



Be Available in the Coming Weeks and Months



The Language of Funerals


Ashes What is left of a dead body after cremation. Looks (also called cremated like chunky sand or fishbowl rocks except it’s white or remains) gray. People commonly refer to these as “ashes” because of the Biblical passage that says “from ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” However, the remains don’t really look like ashes, so it’s probably more appropriate to refer to them as “cremated remains.”

Burial Placing the body (which is inside a casket or urn, if the body was cremated) into the ground.

Casket A special box for burying a dead body.

Cemetery A place where many dead bodies and ashes are buried.

Columbarium A little building at a cemetery where ashes are stored. Kind of like a grave that’s above the ground.

Cremation The dead body is put in a special metal container that gets very hot inside. The heat burns away all of the body parts except some small pieces of bone.



Funeral home A place where bodies are kept until they are buried or cremated.

Grave The hole in the ground where the body or ashes are buried at the cemetery.

Obituary A short article in the paper that tells about the person who died.

Scattering When the dead person’s cremated remains are respectfully scattered onto the ground or water (or sometimes in the air) at a place that was special to him or her.

Urn A special container that holds the cremated person’s ashes.

Viewing The time when people can see the body of the person who died and say goodbye.

About the Author


Copyright 2007, Center for Loss and Life Transition

By | 2018-02-28T08:44:52-08:00 February 22nd, 2017|Grief & Healing|Comments Off on Helping Children Understand Cremation