How Funerals Help with the Grieving Process

It is quite difficult to lose a loved one and experiencing grief is both common and acceptable. Grieving a loss can take time and a having a support system is helpful. Funeral services can also be very important in the grieving process of a loved one. They are typically viewed as an outward expression of the inward love of a loved one.

A funeral is a place where family and friends can gather to show support for one another and say goodbye to the deceased. Experts tend to agree that those who refuse to attend funerals of loved ones for one reason or another have a harder time with the grief process than those that attend.

The support offered at a funeral goes a long way for the grieving. Just the simple act of sharing that grief decreases the intensity of it. Additionally, there are normally plenty of people at a funeral that will offer sympathetic words, hugs, and encouragement to each other.

Views on afterlife
Grief experts report that what one thinks about life after death will impact the grieving process. If you believe that one day you will see your loved one again in heaven, you may grieve less than if you don’t believe that. In this case, having a minister give an encouraging message at the funeral can help people to let go easier knowing they will be reunited with their loved one.

For those who do not believe in the afterlife, funeral homes will have several ways to help loved ones remember the legacy of the deceased. Some families put up a collage of pictures or have designated people stand up and say positive things about the life of the one who has passed on.

Having a viewing before the funeral is oftentimes a helpful step in the grieving process. It may help loved ones realize the finality of the person’s life on earth and create a memory of actually saying goodbye to the loved one in a tangible way. Not everyone likes the idea of having a viewing though, so think about this and possibly discuss with family before making a decision.

At a viewing, you may also have the opportunity to offer comfort to those who need it, which may cause you to feel better. You may run into relatives or friends that you have not seen in many years and feel a sense of joy rise up in you as you connect with them once again.

Psychologists believe that having a luncheon before or after the funeral is helpful with the grieving process. Food tends to comfort people when they need comfort and the act of sharing a meal with family and friends is beneficial in fostering pleasant emotions. It also gives more time for fellowship, encouragement, and remembering all of the good memories of the loved one.

Eulogies can serve as an important part of a funeral and help with grief. A eulogy can serve as an important reminder of the good qualities the loved one had, share humorous stories concerning the loved one, and offer the family and friends hope and comfort concerning the loss.

Graveside Burial
For a final goodbye and closing ceremony, consider having a graveside burial, as it may give people the closure that they need. There are a variety of goodbye rituals that can be performed at the burial, such as putting flowers on the casket, throwing a handful of dirt at the casket, singing a song, or have a military performance if the loved one served in the military.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is a process that will take time to get through. It may require a little time or a long time, but know that grieving is normal and understandable. Keep in mind that funerals can be a source of comfort and closure to the family and friends of the deceased.

  • 25 Commentsby Likes|Date
  • For some people, funerals may be helpful to them because they can finally say goodbye and put their loved ones to rest. I totally understand how this would work for them, especially those who are religious and go to church and have the ceremony and reading there. 
    For me, this was not the case. I have been to two funerals in my life, and neither helped me get past the death of my loved ones. In both I ended up grieving more than I had previously, and it really made me realize how much I was going to miss them. Seeing their dead bodies laying there will torment me forever, as I much rather would have remembered them in their lively state. Even though I feel this way, I can't lie and say that not seeing them would have been too much better. I'd feel disrespectful if I didn't say goodbye, and I would probably hate myself today if I never forced myself to go see them for the final time. 
    Some day I'll probably appreciate the fact that funerals were held for them.
  • In my country we have a "Jolly Cemetery", where on the gravestones of the deceased ones are written short ironical poems about them and their bad habits. While not everybody is a fan of this, I believe it's a nice and happier way to say goodbye to a deceased relative. 
  • I don't understand why funerals have to be about grieving for the dead. 

    Why are they not about celebrating the life of that person? 

    I miss the people who have died that I have known but I don't necessarily feel the need to grieve for them.  Why do I have to?  In most cases (but not all) they have lived good long lives and dying and leaving us is part of that and I knew that they were going to die.  Yet at their funerals I found myself uncomfortable and made to feel wrong that I was not weeping for them (in all but one that is - one friend was Caribbean and her funeral was totally different and her life and achievements were celebrated).

    Why do I need to grieve for someone who has lived a long life?  Yes they have died, but surely people expect them to die at some point?  With those closest to me who have died, it was expected.  My grandmother had had a stroke that she survived some 2 years previously, and during that time it was clear from a series of mini-strokes that she was going downhill and was likely to die at some point in the near future.  I don't understand how people have not prepared themselves for this possibility and accepted that she would die and possibly in the very near future.

    I understand it is different when there is a sudden death; my best friend committed suicide and accepting her death was a lot harder.  We had been very close prior to her death, but I found myself at a loss to understand why she had taken that course of action. 

    There were tears on both occasions, but I don't feel the need to mourn the loss of my 86 year old grandmother, who incidentally raised me.

    Just maybe I just don't understand the cultural beliefs that I was raised with?  Is it that straight forward?  That I am simply failing to understand what is expected of me?

  • Only in the last few years have I had an Epiphany of sorts. When I die, I do not want a big funeral that lasts for days. I want to be burned, and if someone wants to keep the ashes fine, but I would rather them be spread somewhere. I am very tired of all the pomp and circumstance that comes with the funeral procession. I never thought about it until the time came when i began to picture my own funeral and then all the custom made me rather nauseous. And funearl homes are a huge money maker! 
  • Funerals are indeed an opportunity to give the deceased a decent send off. To the aggrieved family, this is an occassion to say their final goodbyes to the departed member and share their sorrow with other well wishers.
  • @nowamannocry  i tend to agree with you. i had to help a friend choose a funeral home to go with for her dad's funeral recently. it was an interesting experience. it should not cost so much money to bury a dead person. even cremation is more than i i thought!!!  i'm all for cremation and a celebration at someone's home because hey, we don't even really die!!!! the REAL us just goes off to somewhere (no one knows for sure where)...  and we keep on living....


    we're just here for a journey...let's make the best of it! 
  • My mom has said she doesn't want a funeral, she wants to be incinerated with no funeral. I guess I will have to obey her, because that is what she wants.  I think I know why, I think a part of her things a funeral is too expensive and she is also a bit afraid not many people will show up, specially my oldest sister.

    As for me, well, I guess I haven't quite decided yet, but I want a burial according to my religion, which is very simple and humble, but it's the whole process prior to the burial that interests me. 
  • Funerals for me were closures as well.  You say what you needed to say and make it known in public.  Maybe talk about the good times and that's really the way I like to handle things and remember the good times, not the bad.  
  • A really good friend just passed away 3 days ago. I still don't feel like its real. I still expect to go by his house and see him. After the funeral, i think it'll finally sink in and I'll be able to mourn him the way he deserves.
  • @nergaahl Hahaha, I know what country you're talking about. I've visited it in the past, and I'm personally a huge fan of it. Without trying to sound ignorant, those people are dead, and we shouldn't cry that they're gone. It's a natural phase of life. Everything that lives must also die. At least make it fun till the end. :)
  • I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) There are many beautiful places to visit in our country, but unfortunately they are not very known.

    Fun fact: some poems are even about people struggling with addictions (mostly alcohol). I've read one which said that the person only had one love in his life: alcohol. So while he was "loving" the bottle on a fence, he got so lovey dovey that he fell and broke his neck, "but at least he fell with his love". 
  • I have no idea where the Jolly Cemetary is located but I'd love to be buried there. Why make grieving a sad and sombre affair. Let's try and remember people with love and laughter. 
  • We didn't have a funeral for my grandmother, grandfather or father. My family doesn't seem very interested in having funerals. Sometimes I wonder if it would have helped everyone with the grieving process. For me, I think I would not have helped much. I think with me it would hurt either way and worrying about setting up a funeral would be a bit too much work while grieving. I know it can help many people a lot during the difficult time. With my family it would probably be a bit too weird for everyone though.
  • When my father died, my mom decided to have him cremated and to have a celebration of his life rather than a funeral. She refused to call it a funeral and asked that even in the obituary I invited people to join us in celebrating the life of the man she loved. Then, in the church my dad loved so much, my brother read from my dad's favorite book -- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- during the eulogy and invited our guests to share stories about my dad. What followed was a hilarious, honest, cathartic stream of the best stories I've ever heard -- from my childhood best friend's recollection of my dad to dad's best work friend telling tales of their antics. Funerals don't have to be just about grief -- they are for the living, and reminding them of the life they've enjoyed with their lost loved one is just as important as commiseration.
  • God i hate funerals. Ive buried my grandma, two of my childhood friends and a cousin in the last five years. I think they must help some people but for me i dread the idea of another one anytime soon
  • In my case, the funeral helps me to accept the reality that comes with my loved one's death. It helps me to not go into the denial process and really accept what is going on around me. I don't particularly like the viewing process though. It seems that the viewing confuses me, since they look as if they're sleeping. 
  • I really do not want to think or talk about death, but I guess it's one of those things that you eventually will have to face. We are mortal beings after all and that thing is inevitable. I am all for remembering the ones who have passed on and focusing more on the good memories rather than the bad, bad it is not shameful to shed tears especially on a loved one. Remember, you have lost someone in this life. Grieving is just part of the letting go and the remembering process, that comes from recovering after a loss. I also agree that funeral services should be cheaper. You enter this world with expenses, why should you leave it with expenses? Sometimes, it might sound unfair.
  • Going to several funeral myself has also made me come to grips with the reality of mortality. I usually like when there is a viewing, as it gives me the chance to say goodbye or see you in the next life, or something like that. essentially providing a sort of closure. I always leave a funeral feeling a lot more worried about whether I'm ready, if I were to die at any moment. I do not believe that death is the end though. There's more after that. We usually tend to fear the unknown.
  • I think the most interesting thing is how much different funerals can be from one country to the next! I know that the viewing of my grandfather's body was a whole new experience for me. It made me feel a bit awkward, and people kept giving me kisses (French greetings), and to sign in the guestbook felt like a fraud since I did not feel like I knew what to say. But it is true that having everyone we loved in this one place together felt amazing. I never felt quite so connected in my life -- and I think that helped, yes.
  • I've only been to a handful of funerals and I feel like they do give closure but can be very upsetting too - because a lot of the time I've felt like I wasn't quite ready for closure just yet. I know that might sound a little odd but sometimes it's hard to come to terms with the fact that someone has passed away, and a funeral is the harsh reality that they have.
  • I have lost both of my parents and I still grieve them. It is something that you never get over. You just learn to deal with it. Some days I am a complete wreck and other days I am good. Dad died suddenly and it was devastating. We were all in shock. There was no good bye, no time to say I love you. There were so many unanswered questions. The viewing and funeral were a blur for me I barely remember them. I could grasp it all. I was a mess.

    When mom passed it was something that we knew was coming. She has been sick for a few months and wasn't getting better. Even though we knew it was coming it was still difficult but we were at peace. We got to spend time with her, tell her we loved her and to say our good byes. The hardest thing I ever had to do. She had picked basically put together her whole funeral. The songs were upbeat and the eulogy was awesome. It told wonderful stories about her and he had everybody laughing. It was perfect and just the way she wanted it to be. It was easier to deal with.

    I guess what I am trying to say that it how the viewing and funeral goes and what it does for your grieving depends on the circumstances of the death.
  • I do not like funerals at all. I find it uncomfortable dealing with family and friends trying to comfort you with the same words and telling me that time will heal and that they are better off. I like the closure that funerals bring but it is hard to cope with talking to people when I just want to crawl in bed and cry because I miss them so bad. I am not a social creature by nature so maybe that is why. I have a hard time saying goodbye at the funeral because I never felt that my loved one was there anymore if that makes any sense. I am the same when I go to their grave site. I just do not feel them there so have a hard time "talking" to them. 

    I think it would be easier if funerals were a celebration of their life instead of being focused on the fact that they are gone forever from your life.  For the longest time after my parents passed away, I kept having dreams about them at their funerals and of them being sick. It took a long time to come to terms with their deaths. 
  • I have been to many funerals and it can be a sad time and also you can hear about the person and how they lived in their life and also try and support the ones close to them, and also try and get closure in the end by being there. It is something which can be hard to do at times but being there can be a good thing and you can even tell of your memories of the person, and try and get encouragement to move on slowly and not be stressed. I think that the costs can be high of funerals so trying to get a cheaper one is good and hope it does not end up being a burdern which can be stressful in the end.
  • I used to joke a lot that going to funerals somewhat gives me a sense of triumph because I am glad that I am not the guest of honor. But it's a fact of life and no one can escape it. So we should live our lives to the fullest. We shouldn't waste it because we are only given this one chance.  
  • In my opinion a funeral should also work as a celebration of one's life, even when they went too early. It's important to say goodbye but is also important to celebrate what the person left us and be happy because we were able to spend time and get happy memories from them.
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