Homocrustaceous: A Field Guide To Our Hard-Shelled Cousins by Simon Nagel

They can only be found at low tide on a full moon. Don’t cross the tide line, as their nesting holes are large and sparse feeding periods make encounters with this scavenger dangerous, if not deadly. You will not need to worry about trampling their young, as females carry eggs in their abdominal sack. Advancing to the water’s edge could interfere with their lifecycle, as females  release their eggs after feeding. Much like the adults’ hard shells, eggs have special coating to resist sea acidity levels. Ingesting eggs has led to the destruction of many seabird rookeries. Their hard external shells might feel similar to your own softer sub-dermal layer, but resist the urge to touch them. While we share many similarities, our distinguished crustacean cousins no longer comprehend our language, emotions, or body language. Feeding them is discouraged, as their stomach acid is highly attuned to sea plastics and will not absorb most elements associated with nutrition. Unlike other crab species, this genus doesn’t migrate. Experts believe this led to selective changes for their environment as the tidal planes lifted in the mid twenty-first century. While it’s true some rogues have been found in urban environments attracted to LED lighting, most documentation showed subjects scuttled beneath light sources and largely immobile. This variety—much like its older relatives—is a bipedal with additional appendages that remain largely ineffective. Most experts agree they remain unsuitable for human consumption.

Simon Nagel is a writer from California that now finds himself in the United Kingdom. His work has appeared in Maudlin House, HAD, and CHEAP POP. He recently finished his debut novel Gates to Nowhere.

Twitter: @simon_nagel