Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves?

Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

On the surface, it may seem like narcissists are universally happy. After all, they appear entirely confident and self-assured. They seem to have no remorse when it comes to manipulating others or twisting reality. And their self-esteem is to the moon…or is it?

But are narcissists happy? Do they love themselves and the life they live? Or is it all an obnoxious facade? 

As it turns out, the relationship between narcissism and happiness is incredibly complex. While they can undoubtedly feel joy, their fragile self-esteem often makes them feel hollow and depressed. Additionally, their overinflated complex of self-importance makes it challenging to enjoy the things that generally make other people happy. 

Are Narcissists Happier Than “Normal People?”

Do narcissists have the upper hand when it comes to experiencing happiness? Do they get all the pleasure without any of the pain? Are their lives easier than everyone else’s? 

These are all complicated questions without overly straightforward answers. While more studies are examining the impact of narcissism on mental health, there is still a lot that we don’t know. And because narcissists inherently downplay, lie, and omit information, even the best research may be skewed.  

are narcissists happier than normal people

They May Be Less Depressed 

Some preliminary research suggests that people with narcissistic personality disorder may have lower rates of depression than others. For example, in a recent CNBC interview, researcher Kostas Papageorgiou, shared that narcissists fundamentally believe they deserve the best in life. 

Reading Suggestion: How to Piss Off a Narcissist?

Due to this belief, they often work extremely hard to overcome adversities. Overcoming such obstacles can build mental toughness, which may offset depression and low self-esteem. It can also build self-esteem, a factor closely associated with happiness.

However, this research doesn’t inherently suggest that narcissists are happier than other people. Instead, they may simply have higher levels of self-esteem and self-worth.

But They’re Probably More Insecure 

In contrast, another recent study cited insecurity fuels narcissistic behavior. This research suggests that narcissists use various ‘flexing behaviors’ (bragging, gaslighting, disregarding others, and showing off) to compensate for their deeply-rooted feelings of inferiority. 

Narcissism, in a sense, is an entire defense mechanism. At a core level, they know their behavior is destructive. They may even be entirely aware of their narcissistic patterns. But they feel compelled to continue seeking attention, reinforcing why they keep doing it. 

5 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Happy With Themselves

reasons why narcissists are happy with themselves

Can a narcissist be happy despite their selfish or conniving behavior? Do they genuinely like themselves, or is it just a massive cover-up?

5 Reasons why narcissists are happy with themselves:

  1. They don’t feel empathy
  2. They tend to go after what they want
  3. They prioritize their Narcissistic Supply
  4. They don’t need someones approval
  5. They shield themselves from pain

#1 They Don’t Feel Feel Drained By Empathy

It’s a misconception that narcissists don’t feel any empathy for others. Many of them do. They can care about other people and things. However, their own needs will usually trump anything (or anyone) else. Empathy is on their terms, and it’s a relatively finite resource. In some ways, their empathy only stretches as far as their own emotional limits.

Empathy isn’t a choice. Many self-described empaths report feeling exhausted by how much they listen and give to others. Even people who don’t identify as empaths often feel burnt-out or anxious after heavy interactions with others.

But empathy doesn’t work that way for narcissists. They may feel sorry for someone else, and they can certainly feel sadness, anger, or fear, but empathy tends to be more cognitive than emotional. Often, they will “attune” to what they think other people need rather than respond genuinely and organically.

This explains why narcissists can seemingly present as great listeners. They may seem deeply concerned about the welfare of others. They can appear to be closely paying attention to whatever you say.

In reality? They’re probably listening because they’re collecting information about you, your life, and your weaknesses. They will likely use those details to benefit their best interests later.

#2 They Tend to Go After What They Want

Have you ever seen a narcissist apply for a job they were grossly unfit for just because? Or have you ever watched a narcissist mercilessly pursue a specific talent without any prior experience?

Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable?

When narcissists set their minds on achieving something, they don’t let backlash or fear get in their way. Instead, they go after what they want, and they can be ruthless in their endeavors.

This mindset likely triggers some happiness. Research shows that regularly taking risks is good for your mental health. It can benefit your self-esteem and boost your confidence. 

#3 They Always Prioritize Their Narcissistic Supply

Have you ever noticed how a narcissist always has someone or something to validate them? This phenomenon isn’t random- it’s highly prioritized and intentional. 

Narcissists rely on their narcissistic supply for self-worth and confidence. Even though this supply doesn’t provide an authentic form of happiness, it can (temporarily) make them feel whole. 

A supply can be anything that makes them feel valid, approved, and important. This supply can come from relationships, money, careers, and status. In many contexts, even negative attention can fuel their supply because it still focuses on them.

The more “full” their supply feels, the happier they are. The cost, of course, is steep. Because a supply can ebb and flow, they often feel constant pressure to maintain their goods at all costs.

#4 They Don’t Need Anyone Else’s Approval

How often do you care about what others think? If you’re like most people, you want approval. You may question yourself or avoid taking certain risks because you worry about what others will think. 

Many people avoid living authentic, meaningful lives because they fear the fallout associated with potential rejection. This is part of human psychology- we value a sense of belonging and want to fit in with others. 

It’s no secret that narcissists don’t generally operate on this same fear. They do what they want- they usually want approval for it, but it isn’t an essential requirement. 

If something is that important to them, they don’t let anything get in their way. In fact, they will often do things to spite other people. Attention is often more important than approval, so if they get attention for something, that keeps them motivated. 

#5 They Always Shield Themselves From Pain 

Narcissists don’t let other people hurt them. Instead, they engage in narcissistic abuse to protect themselves. While these harmful tactics undoubtedly hurt others, they don’t really affect their well-being.

Narcissists have no concept of sitting or tolerating their emotions. They attack or run from them altogether. 

At the first sight of trouble, a narcissist may gaslight, blame, smear, or cut out someone entirely. They don’t necessarily try to work it out. They don’t engage in introspection or compromise. Instead, they protect themselves and their egos- in a shallow, childish way, this strategy can safeguard their own happiness. 

7 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Unhappy With Themselves

So, are narcissists unhappy? Does their version of happiness always come at the expense of concealing their feelings, hurting others, and playing other mind games?

As you can see, genuine happiness is challenging to measure when it comes to narcissism. Even if they appear to feel happy, it’s likely that their emotions are completely distorted. It’s also quite likely that they are lying to themselves and others. Here are some reasons indicating why narcissists are profoundly unhappy. 

7 Reasons why narcissists are unhappy with themselves:

  1. They can’t be vulnerable with others
  2. They can’t be happy for others
  3. They struggle with jealousy
  4. They can never let their guard down
  5. They have unresolved trauma
  6. They never feel good enough
  7. They struggle with other mental health issues
reasons why narcissists are unhappy with themselves

#1 They Can’t Be Vulnerable With Others 

Vulnerability is the glue of emotional intimacy. When we are vulnerable with someone else, we remove our defense mechanisms and let the other person truly see us.

Narcissists struggle immensely with vulnerability. It terrifies them. They often perceive it as a sign of weakness, and they tend to avoid it all costs.

Instead, they are entangled with their false selves. They may, at times, appear to be vulnerable, but it’s often calculated and scripted. They know what to do and say to make other people feel appreciated. In addition, they recognize how “faking” vulnerability often elicits empathy. 

That said, the narcissist often feels profoundly lonely. They don’t know how to connect with others. They don’t know how to be an authentic, flawed person. And so, they spend their lives in a land of make-believe, hoping that nobody else will see the truth.

#2 They Can’t Be Happy for Others

If your loved one has good news, how does it make you feel? Typically, happy people can celebrate other successes and joys. Even if they feel somewhat jealous, they can separate that feeling from the other positive ones.

Narcissists, however, tend to get enraged by someone else’s good fortune. Because they often feel entitled, another person’s success triggers immense rage and envy. 

Reading Suggestion: How do Narcissists treat their friends?

This explains why narcissists often try to sabotage other people. For example, if you landed an exciting promotion at work, they may suddenly start badmouthing your boss or complaining that you still aren’t earning enough money. Or, they might turn the situation inside out and vent about how they never feel acknowledged in their career. 

In summary? They don’t know how to feel happy for other people because they don’t feel happy with themselves.

#3 They Struggle With Immense Jealousy

It may seem paradoxical that such elevated egos coincide with such uncontrollable jealousy. But that is, in many ways, the crux of narcissism.

As mentioned, narcissists experience immense entitlement. They believe the world owes them whatever they want. When things don’t go their way, they can’t comprehend why. Everything suddenly feels entirely unfair.

Jealousy is the backbone of narcissism. They will get jealous of everything- someone else’s success, their relationship, their house, the way another person talks to them. They will get jealous of people they love, and they will get jealous of people they hate. 

The narcissist wants everything, and they especially want completely unattainable things. As a result, they often feel miserable and trapped within themselves. 

And so, they can’t be very happy because they’re always comparing themselves to others. If they feel they’ve fallen short, they feel angry and ashamed. They often must cut other people down to feel better about themselves. 

#4 They Can Never Really Let Their Guard Down

As you have probably noticed, narcissists can’t enjoy authentic relationships with other people. They must constantly evaluate the situation and try to meet their needs. Likewise, they tend to be suspicious and doubt other people’s motives. 

—-> Read The Complete Guide To The Narcissist in Relationships

As a result, they are always testing other people’s loyalty. You’ve probably noticed this in your own relationship. The narcissist wants constant reassurance.

They may accuse you of doing things you’ve never thought about doing. And even though they might not be committed to you, they expect utmost compliance and respect on your end. 

All this mental energy is exhausting. They can’t just sit back and relax. They can’t just accept that other people may, at times, disappoint them. Therefore, they feel tormented by their own psychological gymnastics. 

#5 They Have Unresolved Trauma 

Research shows that trauma is a key risk factor in personality disorders, including narcissism. Trauma can affect all areas of one’s functioning and significantly impair one’s development. 

Childhood trauma, in particular, can be especially damaging. Many narcissists grow up in situations where physical or emotional abuse is prevalent. In addition, many experience neglect and constant feelings of unlovability. 

Narcissists don’t usually recognize the impact of their past traumas. For example, they may portray their childhoods as perfect. Or, they might identify that “bad things happened,” but they don’t acknowledge them beyond that basic sentiment.

Unresolved trauma can lead to profound feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Because this is the core struggle most narcissists face, it’s reasonable to assume happiness is more of an illusion.

#6 They Never Feel Good Enough

Narcissists measure their worth by their external achievements. A new car, an impressive job title, a massive net worth, a child’s stellar report card, a number on the scale. Checking off these achievements make them feel confident and happy.

Of course, we all love the feeling of success, but narcissists rely on it to feel whole. That’s why they never seem to “stop.” They’re always on a mission to obtain more, do more, or feel more. It’s never enough because they’re never enough.

And so, while they might feel happiness, it’s always a product of what they have earned. It’s never internal or intrinsic. 

#7 They Struggle With Other Mental Health Issues 

Most narcissists also have other mental health conditions. For example, they may face anxiety or depression. There is also a high rate of eating disorders and substance use disorders.

Narcissism can exacerbate other psychiatric symptoms. At the same time, those other symptoms often make narcissism worse. It can be a vicious cycle for the narcissist and their loved ones. 

That said, most narcissists won’t seek help for their emotional well-being. They often dismiss therapy or medication because they are skeptical of professional support. Furthermore, they won’t open up about their struggles because they don’t want others to judge them negatively. 

As a result, they must work extra hard to maintain the image they hold about themselves. Even if they feel like everything is falling apart, they aren’t necessarily willing to do anything about it. 

Are Narcissists Happy in a Relationship?

I think my partner is a narcissist. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. They always have to point out something wrong or put me down.

But there is no actual accountability for their mistakes. They’re always right! Am I the problem?

Because I’m starting to think it might be me. I love my partner, but are narcissists ever happy in a relationship? And can a narcissist be a good person?  

If that script felt eerily familiar, you probably know the first-hand effects of loving a narcissist. The relationship can feel chaotic, unnerving, and emotionally exhaustive.

Narcissists can certainly be happy in relationships, but this happiness tends to be situational and short-lived. Subsequently, their happiness is also conditional- you must meet specific needs to ensure that the narcissist feels content.

are narcissists happy in a relationship

They Always Want Things Done Their Way 

Narcissists value power and control above anything else. They tend to be happy in relationships with submissive people who follow their commands.

In other words, as long as you do what they say and respond appropriately every single time, they should be happy. Easy enough, right? 

Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase

Even when it seems like they appreciate your values and individual thoughts, they will discard them as soon as they jeopardize their desires. And so, the relationship is never fully equal. They can’t respect your autonomy because it might infringe on their needs. 

They’re Never Fully Content 

A narcissist wants the best of the best at all times. Even if their standard is entirely unrealistic, they won’t settle until they reach it. Therefore, they are always chasing the next best thing.

Many narcissists start their relationships by love-bombing their partners. They meet someone, and that person seems perfect. For a brief time, it appears as if all their problems will be solved. That’s why they put other people on temporary pedestals. They feel amazed that someone else can fit their needs so perfectly! 

But eventually, they start recognizing that the other person has flaws. And these flaws, no matter how slight, feel tremendous and unacceptable. It all feels like a slap in the face. As a result, narcissists begin discarding their partners. 

This progression can happen quickly. One day, it may seem like everything is magical. The next day, it can feel like your partner hates you

You probably haven’t done anything wrong. Narcissists just don’t know how to accept people for who they are. They want things on their terms. If a person can’t wholeheartedly meet their every need, they often feel disrespected and even confused. 

They Can’t Resolve Conflicts Effectively 

Narcissists may seem to love arguing, but they don’t know how to actually manage conflict. When something goes wrong in the relationship, it will always be the other person’s fault. There is no personal accountability.

Happy couples recognize that some conflict is inevitable. They aim to compromise with one another and be respectful during challenging times.

But a narcissist wants power more than connection. They don’t want to sacrifice their needs for someone else. They also don’t really know how to regulate their emotions when they become upset- instead, they will usually yell, criticize, blame, or withdraw from the conversation altogether.

Therefore, the same problems often continue resurfacing. You might always feel like you’re walking on eggshells. The narcissist might always feel like you’re intentionally trying to hurt them. This standstill makes it hard for anyone to feel happy.

They Can’t Tolerate Any Negative Feedback 

What happened the last time you gave the narcissist a suggestion about doing something differently? Did they become downright hostile? Did they accuse you of overreacting or being difficult? Did they lie about what happened to make themselves look better?

Chances are, the situation didn’t go very well. Narcissists can’t tolerate anything that resembles criticism. They will usually lash out at even the most benign requests. Anything that threatens their ego- no matter how slight- makes them feel emotionally paralyzed.

Of course, the dynamic feels completely unfair. Although they can’t handle constructive advice, they have no problem constantly criticizing others. 

They Always Fear Abandonment 

Why don’t narcissists stay loyal to their partners? Why do they sometimes present as callous and aloof in their relationships?

Although it may seem strange, most narcissists feel terrified by the idea of abandonment. That’s why they struggle with vulnerability and refuse to let their guards down. They don’t want people to see them for their true selves and reject them.

Reading Suggestion:Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing?

Narcissism is a grandiose facade. Their superior attitude keeps them at a safe distance from others. But this distance results in them feeling perpetually lonely. Even if they want to connect with others, they don’t really know how. They fear abandonment, but they continuously engage in harmful actions that make others want to abandon them. 

It becomes a vicious cycle. They will blame other people for hurting or leaving them without recognizing how their behaviors trigger that response. 

How to Keep a Narcissist Happy in a Relationship?

Is being a narcissist bad? Are they completely evil people that you must avoid at all costs? Or can a narcissist be a good person?

how to keep a narcissists happy in a relationship

You might be asking yourself these questions after reflecting on your relationship with a narcissist. First, it’s important to remember that there are no black-or-white, absolute answers. Narcissism, like all mental health disorders, is complex. Furthermore, it lies on a spectrum, with some cases being far more severe than others.

Why Is Narcissism Bad for Relationships?

Narcissism often creates unequal playing fields. The narcissist may be demanding and tyrannical. The other person tends to want to keep the peace and avoid conflict. If you stand up for yourself, you usually risk stirring more chaos.

Narcissists struggle with empathy, respect, and compassion for others. They also find it difficult to trust people, even their loved ones. These issues make happiness challenging in a relationship.

So, if you love a narcissist, how can you actually keep them happy?

Accept Them for Who They Are 

Sure, you might long for a different dynamic or hope that they will change. They might even give into this narrative and promise to act better.

But your own happiness requires a level of acceptance. If you want to stay in the relationship, you must accept your partner for who they are. Not who they say they will be. Not who you want them to be. 

Having unrealistic expectations will only make you feel resentful. If you can’t accept your partner, you need to reevaluate your motives for staying in the relationship. 

Reading Suggestion: Can a Narcissist fall in love?

Avoid Taking Things Personally 

Narcissists project their feelings and insecurities onto other people. This tends to happen most often in relationships. If they’re upset with themselves, they will take it on you.

Try not to give in, fight back, or take it personally. Doing so only makes the situation worse. It also makes you feel bad about yourself, even if nothing was your fault!

Set Limits

This won’t make the narcissist happy, but it will keep you happy. It will also make the relationship healthier because you won’t enable problematic behavior. 

You deserve respect. Narcissists don’t have the right to treat you poorly. But it’s your job to stand up for yourself and set nonnegotiable boundaries within your relationship. 

The narcissist might pout, complain, or try to break your limits. Try to prepare for these outcomes. And when the negative reaction occurs, stand firm. Remember that any happy and worthwhile relationship starts with your own self-respect. 

Final Thoughts

Instead of asking yourself, are narcissists happy with themselves, it may be helpful for you to reflect on if you’re happy with your current situation. Do you feel like your needs are getting met? Do you receive the respect you deserve?  

After all, your feelings matter, and you must take care of them!

In mild cases, dealing with a narcissist can be draining and frustrating. In more serious cases, the relationship may be downright toxic and abusive. Regardless of your circumstances, it’s important that you focus on your well-being and prioritize your happiness.

Reading Suggestion: How to deal with someone who blames you for everything?


Photo of author

Alexander Burgemeester


1 thought on “Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves?”

  1. I recently found myself on the losing end of a relationship with someone that I, after reading numerous articles on your blog and countless other online articles (as well as confiding in 2 mental health therapists and sharing my experiences), believe is a narcissist.

    If it hadn’t been for the fact that I began writing “red flags” down during the relationship I would be at her door right now begging her to take me back because the breakup broke me in pieces.

    We had an extremely deep connection. She insisted, almost from day 1, that I could trust her and that I should give into emotional intimacy. When I confided in her that I didn’t even know what emotional intimacy was, she taught me.

    She took great effort to convince me that talking to her was safe and that it was a judgement free zone…until about 2 months into the relationship. We were in the car having a conversation and as she was talking I pointed out that the point she was trying to make didn’t fit the conversation because she had heard what I said earlier incorrectly. She insisted that she had and I finally had to say “that isn’t what I said”. This was met with instant rage on her part. She began screaming and hitting my dash board, she called me names like “dummy” and said I was “horrible” for disagreeing with her.

    Even though I felt my blood beginning to boil I decided to remain calm. I was in awe of what was happening. I have a 3yr old girl and I have never experienced such a tantrum from any person, let alone my daughter.

    I calmly pointed out to this person that she admittedly had a bad memory and that I was just trying to show her that she didn’t need to be angry or make the point she was trying to make because it wasn’t in line with what I had been trying to explain to her….it only enraged her further.

    I ended up dropping her off at her house and leaving her while I calmed down. But it was downhill from there.

    I learned that a constant trigger for her was disagreeing with her version of events. Words like “that’s not what I said” “ I didn’t Say That” or “that isn’t what happened” immediately set her off. I was accused of gaslighting and purposely trying to f$)7 with her head. I was even called a narcissist and was constantly under scrutiny and outright told I couldn’t be trusted.

    As the relationship deteriorated further I found myself always asking what I did wrong to contribute to our problems. I found myself taking responsibility for things I shouldn’t, up to and including having an attitude that ultimately lead to all our arguments even though I often found myself in a position where a seemingly loving and benign conversation became a heated battle on her part almost instantly and for no reason.

    Finally, toward the end, I was made to believe by her that I wasn’t “vulnerable enough” and that I needed to learn to be more vulnerable because she needed to know that I could be completely honest with her, no matter what…even about the deepest, darkest and ugliest parts of my long-forgotten life. I even allowed myself to cry in front of her.

    So after agreeing to go to this extreme, within a matter of days, I was suddenly being told she “ran this relationship” and that I was “the woman in the relationship”. I was crushed yet terrified of fighting back because it was a senseless argument. After all, she always spoke highly of me to her friends and family…she only said these things to me privately so she must have “had my best interests at heart “ if she only said this to me in private, right ?

    The straw that broke the camel’s back in our relationship was the breakup. I refused to break up with her. Lord knows she pushed. By I told her, I’m not a commitment phobe so if you don’t want to be with me then you need to “do the dirty work”.

    The process took about 8 weeks. She began by pulling away emotionally. She was constantly arguing with me or blaming me for something. Arguments went from being “resolved” in minutes or hours to days to not resolved at all. Things unrelated to the topic at hand would be brought up again and used as ammunition to fuel her rage. When that didn’t work, she used sex.

    She said that she felt guilty having sex with me because of “convictions from the Holy Spirit”. When I questioned why he convicted her about the awfulness of sex but she still felt it unconvicted about her attitude, language, alcohol use and disrespectful treatment of me she either blamed me for being of “low character” because I wouldn’t give in to her on this or she outright told me that those were not “fruits of her spirit and that there was nothing wrong with those actions”.

    It was never that I wouldn’t have supported her desire to stop having sex, I just always felt like something was “off” about the request and that is was meant to manipulate me in some way rather than be a request made from the heart. In fact, to that point she had played this game 3 times and I was like “yeah, I don’t believe you. I think you’re being manipulative”…she eventually admitted that the first 2 times were genuine but the third time was manipulation because she had been pulling away emotionally and needed to see “how I would react” and that I needed to “prove to her that I was of good character and would do this for her to show that I really cared about her feelings”.

    When the sex thing didn’t work she tested me by seeing if I would support her during a crisis. It became an argument because I questioned something that was said about me by a family member during the event that caused the crisis. When she refused to tell me what it was I set a boundary. I told her that “ I am here for you but you need to know that I deserve to know this information. Will you agree to tell me later?” She said “yes”. When I tried to get her to agree to a reasonable time-frame she accused me of “witholding my support from her” and “emotionally black-mailing” her and hung up. It lead to a pro-longed argument that lasted a week and culminated in a breakup. We reconciled a week later when I took high-level responsibility for my actions that lead to her acting the way she did…I took note that even though she agreed to take me back she took zero responsibility for anything at that moment until about 4 days later, after a counseling session with a therapist, she cherry picked some things to be responsible for and apologized. She not only went back to the same action the following evening but she also still never took responsibility for the role she played in the breakup and she said ALOT of hurtful things during that exchange yet acted like it was completely justified.

    The next few weeks were grueling and emotionally exhausting for me. She started weird arguments and raged over the most benign of topics, once because I said “Yes dear. You’re always right”…that fight spanned 24 hrs.

    3 weeks after that it ended for good. She accused me of having lied to her 3 months priors by having secret text conversations with an ex-girlfriend. I refused to take responsibility for that so she ended it. I was devastated. Literally broken. For 2 weeks from that point I went through emotional pain and grief I hadn’t even felt when my marriage ended. One moment I would be working and completely fine and the next I would suddenly feel stabbing pain in my body and be overcome with tears and just fall on the floor crying wishing I would just die…nothing helped.

    I left my apartment, went to my moms 8 hrs away and found myself struggling with the same emotions even though there were zero ties to my ex at my mom’s; they had never met.

    My daughter came home at the end of the trip to my mom’s and the grief cycle began again. My ex had been an integral cog in helping me with my daughter and getting over being a single dad. My daughter loves her and would speak about her randomly and at the worst times for me. It just made me break down In front of her. Worse, this all took place in the apartment where we spent a large portion of our time as a “family” with my ex.

    Finally I decided that I needed to see my ex and just ask her to forgive me for things I did in our relationship. I reasoned that I couldn’t move on unless she forgave me. I packed my child in the car and made the 2.5hr drive to her house one Saturday evening causing my daughter to be awake well past midnight.

    I got the forgiveness I sought and even found myself agreeing to prove to her that I hadn’t lied. I gave her full access to my phone records, contacted the ex she accused me of talking too and got copies of our text history from her and even agreed to ask her for copies of her phone records…none of it worked.

    My ex literally accused me of manipulating the phone company records ( even though she was accessing them directly through the company website) and told me that the other woman better send her copy of the phone records “for my sake”…that was when it broke for me. “ For my sake”? I asked. I wanted clarity. She clarified by trying to cover it up and say “for the sake of your integrity”. I saw right through it.

    In that moment she realized that she had shown her true intention; she showed that she desired nothing more than control and that I was, in her mind, subject to her and that she wouldn’t let go unless she got what she wanted.

    I went off. Unloaded on her and told her I had lost all desire to be with her. I shared the very red flags I shared in the commentary and more. She told me that I was describing myself to her and that anyone I knew, her bosses, friends and family would all disagree with me. I was sure they would, after all, she only showed this side of her to me.

    We haven’t spoken since. I still have the same grief cycles. At times I feel as if she is next to me, holding me or my hand. I feel her spirit and even smell her hair and her body at random times through my day, especially when I try to go to sleep.

    I feel like a fool to have been so easily fooled. I have lost my sense of who I am as a man and find myself questioning my faith, my own integrity, whether or not I even truly know what I want from a relationship or if she was right and I was the one to blame all along and that she was “never wrong”.

    In short, I feel completely and utterly mind-f$7ed.

    Am I wrong for feeling this way? I have left out tons of detail. While reading this article so many things came flooding back to my mind. It’s impossible to list them all here.

    All I know is that 1) if she came back and apologized I am still too week to chase her off. I would likely give in to her. 2) I don’t want to see this ever happen to me again and I pity every one that has suffered like I have.

    There simply isn’t enough awareness about this topic. Our political atmosphere as of late has completely de-sensitized and downplayed to us the term “narcissist”. For if Trump is truly a narcissist then what is my ex ?


Leave a Reply to Dismayed Dude From VT Cancel reply