Little-known facts about the flounder

  • flounderxFlounder are a flexible fish, not limiting themselves to a single species. In the Western Atlantic you have your summer flounder (Paralichtys dentatus), your southern flounder (Paralichtys lethostigma) and the winter flounder (Pseudopleuronectes americanus). In addition, there is the European Platichthys flesus, and the Paralichtys olivaceus off Japan.
  • In addition, the flounder is sometimes also called a fluke.
  • But if you say “It was only a fluke,” a flounder will kill your ass.
  • The eye thing: this is called metamorphosis. Like most people, the flounder grows up, changes its habits and spends its adulthood with one cheek to the seabed looking out for stuff. The eye on the seabed side migrates to the other side somehow.
  • They are looking for predators, and prey, and that actress who plays Sookie Stackhouse on True Blood.
  • The flounder is crazy about its offspring. Not even a grizzly would go between a flounder and its young, this is in fact one reason grizzlies are rarely found on the sea bed at any depth, from shallow coastal waters to the Marianas Trench, unlike flounder.
  • The flounder likes its young in a vast variety of ways, and is deeply hurt when its young treat it like a cash dispenser because to be reduced from such a huge variety of affection to a single aspect is painful to the fish, but it recovers quickly and forgets all about it, pretty much.
  • The flounder has, although it still considers basic social dancing competency an important skill, come to the conclusion that it would rather be whipped than take dance lessons. With sort of a medium whip, nothing too wild.
  • Flounder look friendly and harmless, which benefits them because they ambush their prey. Also they blend into their environment, because they can never remember how to spell “camouflague” “camouflage”.
  • Flounder stocks overfishing blah blah blah.

7 responses to “Little-known facts about the flounder

  1. beta

    -anna paquin
    -the flounder should try and mind its own business sometimes.
    -and get well soon.

  2. Perhaps he doesn’t like the dance lessons because he fears he might flounder on the dance floor, and thus cause the whole project of learning to dance to founder. (Someone had to say it).
    And then he would have to attempt to explain the difference between “flounder” and “founder” to creatures who still say “pacific” when they mean “specific.” Perhaps the whole prospect makes him wish he had been called “flourish”, or even “bounder.” I think he rather likes the idea of “bounder.”

  3. Meredith

    Bet he’d rather be “shot by a firing squad” than have his picture taken, what with both eyes on one side of his head and all.

  4. mig

    PS as the flounder says to its young, “you’ll see things my way once your eyes have migrated.”

  5. anne

    The genius to this is that I don’t think that you work on these anywhere near as much as they delight me. Little bitty things that I don’t even think you do on purpose, just flourishes. “Like most people, the flounder…”

  6. k.

    i’m with anne.

  7. hannah

    Hi u suck balls