How to define asexuality: A lack of sexual desire

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How to define asexuality: A lack of sexual desire
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Asexuality is when a person feels limited or no sexual desire towards others.  This is different to frigidity when a person feels a sexual desire without feeling any pleasure.  In this article we’ll define asexuality in further detail and look at how people identify as asexual.  

Lack of sexual desire

What is sexual desire exactly?  This term can also be referred to as libido and it is when people are sexually arouse by an intimate relationship.  Sexual desire is often considered as a natural human instinct but many people can lack sexual desire.

Sexual desire is a term used to indicate an impulse for sex. It is a mental construction produced by our mind and by our brain which encourages us to share an intimate moment with others.  People who do not feel sexually aroused by either gender lack sexual desire.  In this instance the person is identifies as asexual.

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Living with asexuality

How do you define asexuality ?

Asexuality is the lack of sexual desire and sexual arousal. Asexual people can be disinterested by sex but are not necessarily disinterested by others.

An asexual person might not feel the need to have a carnal, intimate act with a person, but they can still feel attracted, and even love, another. This situation is similar to the famous saying of platonic love. Of course you can still love someone without having a sexual relationship.

Life as a couple

For many living as a couple is a way of life that we instinctively look to achieve.  However nowadays this way of life doesn’t always suit everyone.  Contrary to what many may believe, asexual people can also have a close romantic relationships.  People who lack sexual desire still need loving relationships and enjoy kisses, hugs and tender moments.  The only difference is the person’s lack of sexual interest.

Although asexual people can sometimes still have sex, it is often due to the needs of their partner or out of curiosity.  Even if an asexual person takes pleasure in having sex with their partner it isn’t necessarily the goal they are looking for.

Of course an asexual person’s partner must make concessions as it can be difficult to understand the concept if you have a sexual desire for your partner which is not reciprocated.  However they can’t force or encourage their partner to have sex if they do not want to.

couple désir
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Current society

Nowadays we live in a world where sex is accepted and considered normal.  That means people who identify themselves as asexual are often considered by themselves and others, as abnormal or strange.  However this is not the case.  Sexuality is individual to everyone and should never depend on the judgement of others as long as everyone’s freedom is respected.

We can often hear that to be happy you need to have sex a certain number of times per week. However if you don’t feel the need to have sex does that make you less happy?  No, of course not. Everyone is free to choose their own desires and needs in their life including their sexuality.

Is asexuality an illness?

Asexuality is not an illness, although many people see it as one.  Lacking sexual desire can often be seen as a hormonal, psychological or biological problem.  However in the end, asexual people just make up a minority which is often misunderstood.  Learn more about asexuality in an interview with Kara Kratcha, a student of English literature and writer who identifies as grey ace (asexual).


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