I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But Im not going to talk about that
In my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But Im not going to talk about that
In my monologue
La la la, la la la
I like writing songs about douche bags who cheat on me
But Im not going to say that
In my monologue
I like writing their names into songs so theyre ashamed to go in public
But Im not going to say that
In my monologue
La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue
You might think Id bring up Joe
The guy who broke up with me on the phone
But Im not going to mention him
In my monologue
Hey Joe! Im doing real well
Tonight Im hosting SNL
But Im not going to brag about that
In my monologue
La la la, ha ha ha
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
La la la
And if youre wondering if I might
Be dating the werewolf from Twilight
Im not going to comment on that
In my monologue
La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue
You might be expecting me to say
Something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage
And ruined my VMA monologue
But theres nothing more to say
Cause everythings okay
Ive got security lining this stage
This is my SNL monologue
La la, la la la la la
This is my SNL monologue
La la, la la la la la
That was my SNL monologue