`Tomb Raider' is Terrible; Cohen Brothers, `Sexy Beast' Save Weekend
BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER") UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Time to save the universe again then, is it?</s>ANGELINA JOLIE, ACTRESS: Absolutely. This is where I start to have fun!</s>LISA SCHWARZBAUM CO-HOST: Peter, we're here at Loews 42nd Street in Manhattan. This is the place to go if you want to see a big popcorn movie. And that's what's opening this weekend.</s>PETER TRAVERS CO-HOST: Well, and this is the place to find out about those movies, because this is HE SAID/SHE SAID, the movie review show. And I'm Peter Travers.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I'm Lisa Schwarzbaum. And we start with a movie that if you know the video game I need to say nothing more. It's called "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider." And if you know Angelina Jolie I need to say nothing more, because if you are interested in seeing how she looks in her tight little cut-off shorts, and her tight little T-shirts, this is the movie for you.</s>TRAVERS: Those are interesting facets.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Well they are facets, but unfortunately it doesn't lead up to very much. This is a video game brought to the screen. Another one of those video games like "Mortal Kombat" that's brought to the screen. And this is about a girl adventurer. She is sort of Indiana Jones, which I kind of like. She kind of goes out; and she's got guns and she does -- she says she's a lady -- she's got a lot of money, but she goes out and she likes big adventures. All of that is fine. My problems with this film is that there is nothing joyful about it. She -- you see Jolie in all of these situations. She's trying to get in touch with her dead father who is her missing father, played by her real father, Jon Voight. But what happens is it just cuts from action to action with just no sense of excitement. (</s>BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER") UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Good evening.</s>JOLIE: You're</s>UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Beg your pardon? There's no such thing. It's just a bedtime story.</s>TRAVERS: There's no sense of Jolie, you know, which is really what it is.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: No.</s>TRAVERS: No the sad thing about this is Hollywood's record with turning video games into movies is really bad. Not only "Mortal Kombat," "Super Mario Brothers," "Wing Commander"...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Right.</s>TRAVERS: You know, you don't know those, because you didn't like them, they were bad. Why can't they do it. With Angelina Jolie, they actually picked, I think, the right person to play this part.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I agree.</s>TRAVERS: She's got the look. And in the opening scene in this movie, where she's in Croft Mansion doing combat training with a killer robot; you think, OK this is Indiana Jones in a wonderbra, and I'm OK. Although watch the movie, when you see it, and tell me if I'm wrong. Do Angelina Jolie's breasts deflate and then balloon in different -- from scene to scene?</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I think you were paying attention, as most of the male audience will -- which this is the secret to the entire movie...</s>TRAVERS: I was fascinated by that.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: ... everyone will be watching whether the breasts deflate and inflate. And therefore it doesn't matter what the plot is.</s>TRAVERS: But it might, and it really might, because they went to Cambodia to shoot this. Most Hollywood movies don't get to do that.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: And buy the way, Ancor Watt (ph) is even more fascinating to look at than Angelina Jolie...</s>TRAVERS: ... for you to tell us. And they've been to Iceland. They spent $100 million to make this, and the movie is flat in addition to being...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Simon West directed it. He directed "Con Air," he directed "The General's Daughter."</s>TRAVERS: Infamy, he deserves to live in infamy for those.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Are you putting that in Michael Bay category?</s>TRAVERS: Yes I do. He's so bad, bad, bad, bad...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Well, I don't know "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" it's a little bit in the tomb for me.</s>TRAVERS: Well, I say that Lara Croft and Angelina Jolie deserve better, and so did you. But you know, we're going to go to another movie now. I'm taking you to the lost continent of Atlantis.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Let's go travel. (</s>BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ATLANTIS, THE LOST EMPIRE") VOICE OF MICHAEL J. FOX, ACTOR: You know, Kida, the most we ever hoped to find was some crumbling buildings, maybe some broken pottery. And then we find a living, thriving society. These guys are kind of cute when they are not, you know, formed into fiery column of death.</s>VOICE OF CREE SUMMER, ACTRESS: We are not thriving. True, our people live, but our culture is dying. We are like a stone the ocean beats against. With each passing year, a little more of us is warn away.</s>TRAVERS: Come on Lisa, I'm taking you to "Atlantis, the Lost Empire."</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I think this is the lost animation this weekend.</s>TRAVERS: Why is that? It's a huge movie weekend. I mean, we've got "Tomb Raider" out there. And now we have a Disney animated movie. You know, Disney used to own animation in the summer. That used to be their property. And now, a little movie called "Shrek" comes along from Dreamworks, and everybody is seeing it once, they're seeing it twice. And it's changed, because "Shrek" is a lively piece of animated business.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: But that still doesn't take care of this thing.</s>TRAVERS: It doesn't, but I'm going to tell you about it, because you wanted to know. What is "Atlantis," it is kind of old-fashioned. It's old-fashioned Disney, it doesn't have music in it. There's none of the da-da -- I'm singing -- and it doesn't happen. But what happens is that Michael J. Fox ...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I love when you sing ...</s>TRAVERS: I'll do it, I'll do Madonna if you want. And Michael J. Fox does the voice of Milo the cartographer who really thinks that he wants his professors and everybody to know, there is this lost city of Atlantis. He brings people, there's a scientist, a black scientist, in an animated movie, done by Phil Morris, the voice, who is Johnny Cochran on "Seinfeld."</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Right ...</s>TRAVERS: Love him.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: ... there's a Hispanic girl, and there is all the colors of the universe.</s>TRAVERS: It's virtuous, it's dull, and all the life is drained...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: And, you know, connected to "Tomb Raider," just as I said, "Tomb Raider" is joyless, there is a lack of energy in this. (</s>BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "ATLANTIS, THE LOST EMPIRE") VOICE OF UNIDENTIFIED ACTRESS: Milo what do you think you're doing?</s>VOICE OF FOX: Just follow my lead.</s>VOICE OF UNIDENTIFIED ACTRESS: Wow, I'm impressed.</s>VOICE OF FOX: It's simple, all you've got to do...</s>VOICE OF UNIDENTIFIED ACTRESS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up, we get it, OK.</s>VOICE OF FOX: No, no, wait!</s>SCHWARZBAUM: The reason the people are loving "Shrek" is that it is fresh. It's bursting with activity. This tells the basic story; it is very, sort of, Jules Verne. It is very like "Tomb Raider." Both these young people going off and experimenting, looking at the world. But there is just a dullness to it. You know, I sat with an audience of kids, who it is meant for. And even the kids...</s>TRAVERS: How did they like it?</s>SCHWARZBAUM: They were not, you know, you can tell from a real audience. They just were not jumping up and down about it. I wish it were better. I wish that it were a discovered, a discovered continent...</s>TRAVERS: Well, you know, I wish, I wish, I wish I were a wishing well. I'm going to take you to the video world now, so that you can see something...</s>SCHWARZBAUM: Thank you.</s>TRAVERS: ... so you can see something that is -- Tom Hanks is on an island, come over here.</s>SCHWARZBAUM: I'm ready. (</s>BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "CASTAWAY") TOM HANKS, ACTOR: I'll be right back.</s>UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Fire</s>UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: Brace for impact!</s>HANKS: Everybody! I would rather take my chance...