Parents Hope to Curb Teen Suicide; Kids Who Kill Themselves
WHITFIELD: It's hard to imagine the kind of grief a family experiences once a member has committed suicide, bottomless grief and forever unanswered questions. I have two family stories and a mother whose heart will never heal. Watch this from CNN's Julie Peterson. It's a story of pain and a family's call to take action.</s>JULIE PETERSON, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): The north view Titans are down a man. In October their teammate, number 13, Will Troutwein killed himself. Will Troutwein grew up in a tightly-knit family, 15 when he died. He was the oldest of four kids. Will was president of his class in elementally school, well liked and like his brothers and sister, a musician, athlete and all-around good kid.</s>UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Very nice.</s>PETERSON: Dad John played Major League Baseball for the Boston Red Sox and is a successful businessman. Susie is a devoted mother and the family is active in its church. They say they saw no signs of mental illness in their son. Susie found 15-year old Will. He hung himself in his bedroom overnight.</s>PETERSON: The family has been embraced by the community and by friends.</s>UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: These sheets were hung at the vigil. One day, one day, we'll sit and read them.</s>PETERSON: They are clear about their anguish.</s>JOHN TRAUTWEIN, WILL TRAUTWEIN'S FATHER: There are times when I shut my door and I play a video of him knowing it's going to make me cry, knowing it's going to bring me to my knees, but I get to see him.</s>UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We cry a lot. It's not --</s>TRAUTWEIN: Part of our Will time.</s>UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Part of our healing and our grieving.</s>PETERSON: John and Suzie insist Will's death must mark a beginning, not just an end. They started "Will to Live," an organization about having life teammates and getting kids to be there for each other.</s>TRAUTWEIN: We just know that it's more likely that kids will talk to kids first so we said, you know what? Let's promote it. Let's really promote it. Let's over promote it. Let's talk about loving each other.</s>PETERSON: So they've been spreading their conviction to kids and parents while awaiting nonprofit status. They've already raised tens of thousands of dollars all with a singular purpose, to get the word out to kids and to their families.</s>TRAUTWEIN: Not only do we want you to love each other, but we want you to tell each other you love each other, so that they do pick up the phone. Whatever Will was feeling is very common, but he didn't think it was common. Suicide and mental health issues and depression, it's a disease, it's not a crime.</s>PETERSON: Many are taking notice. Georgia Governor Nathan Diehl recently honoured the family. Most important to the Trautwein's though their target audience hears the message loud and clear.</s>MICHAEL TRAINER, WILL TRAUTWEIN'S FRIEND: The message is that spreads to us about your family and loving each other I think are some of the most important that you'll ever hear. Everyone takes that in open heart. I mean, everyone misses Will. I think that's the best way to remember him, is to just talk about it and be open about it and remember good things.</s>PETERSON: Julie Peterson, CNN.</s>WHITFIELD: So joining me right now is a mother who knows very well what the Trautwein family is going through. Elvira Delaplane son, Nathan committed suicide and that was 11 years ago. I cannot imagine that a mother, a family, can ever really get over that, can ever feel like they have healed after their child commits suicide.</s>ELVIRA DELAPLANE, SON COMMITTED SUICIDE IN 2000: I think it's something that you continue to go through. There is no other side. Your normal has changed and you have changed. The dynamics of your family have changed, yes.</s>WHITFIELD: So the Trautweins, they have put together this non-profit organization. You heard the father explaining that. The idea here is to let children, young people, know that they are loved. But sadly, so often that's not at the root of why a child may commit suicide, if they don't feel loved. So given what you've been through, what do you say to families, what are the things they need to look for or what alerts them that something is awry, something has a hold on my child that they just want to -- they've lost the will to live?</s>DELAPLANE: It's really sometimes very difficult to see. In our case, Nathan was dealing with depression. We knew he was dealing with depression and he went for help, but we had absolutely no idea that suicide was a possibility. Not even his therapist knew that. I think the idea of them having children, having teenagers working with other teenagers, I think the way it helps the best is when they are truly taking the mask down and sharing their hurts and their pains so that the other individual feels safe enough to share what they're going through.</s>WHITFIELD: Let's talk about some of these peer-to-peer talking points that people can perhaps rely identify with. We've built a screen here so people can see visually the reference as we're talking about it. You know, telling the story, expressing their emotions, telling young people that if you feel like you can't tell your mom or dad or another adult, a family member, a guardian, aunt or uncle, you've got to tell one another what is troubling you. Express those emotions, and you say, you know, I guess try to help them explain what the meaning behind the loss or that feeling of loss is all about.</s>DELAPHANE: I think many times they feel very alone in what they're dealing with. And in all honesty, I think it almost starts with the parents, being able to open up freely with their children when they are going through situations that are fearful and they are scared. I think it almost has to start with the parents. It helps greatly when you have children, when you have teenagers sharing and being able to approach it that way, by opening up themselves to one another. I think it's the aloneness. He even mentioned it, he thought he was the only one. That's what happens. Many times they can start isolating themselves as well. So it's -- those are the visuals. You can see isolation with our son, Nathan. He slept a lot. He did not like loud sounds. I mean, there were a lot of dynamics going on that we did not pick up. But since his death have come to realize there are a lot of dynamics playing out here that we had no idea. Because they talk about depression now so freely where before it was something that you don't talk about, but there are so many young people as there are so many adults that are dealing with depression and feeling isolated and alone.</s>WHITFIELD: That has to help tremendously now that there's acknowledgment from this day forward that people are not afraid to recognize or not afraid to articulate and say out loud that I'm feeling this. Because if there's this ongoing dialogue, that ultimately is good to help in that kind of communication. Elvira Delaplane, thanks so much. It's been a very difficult 11 years with the loss of your son and our hearts just go out to you.</s>DELAPLANE: Thank you so much. It was really nice to be here.</s>WHITFIELD: Thanks so much.</s>DELAPLANE: Thank you.</s>WHITFIELD: We'll be right back right after this.