APRIL 27 , 2016 Cruz Hopes to Tap Into Immense Popularity of Carly Fiorina BY ANDY BOROWITZ Political insiders called the choice of the wildly adored Fiorina a game-changer for the Cruz campaign . APRIL 25 , 2016 Koch Brothers Consider Purchasing First Democrat BY ANDY BOROWITZ The two considered acquiring a Democrat only after determining that none of the Republicans was worth adding to their collection . APRIL 22 , 2016 Trump Reassures Supporters That He Still Opposes Women Who Were Born Women BY ANDY BOROWITZ After expressing tolerance toward transgender people , the candidate clarified his position on women in general . 