OverviewWhat is fathering ? Fathering is committed action to care for children that spans the life cycle and consists of countless experiences . The following stories are a response from an invitation to share experiences that capture the essence of a relationship with one 's father . " When my father came home from work at approximately six every evening , we thought he would want to quit for the evening , but he would always round us up to go pick cantaloupe . When we picked melons with Dad , he would carry the bags for the melons while we would hunt for the ripe melons . I would get so excited when I found a ripe melon on the vine that I would jump up and down , pick it , and throw it to Dad . Although I 'm sure that he had seen a million of these melons just like the one I had picked , he would be almost as excited as I was and compliment me on the nice melon that I had picked . No matter how many melons that I became excited about , my Dad was always just as excited as I was . It was not only picking the melons that was important . My dad made me feel he couldn 't get by without my help . Dad would always thank us and let us know that what we did was appreciated . Probably the best thing that Dad did while we were in the melon patch was to talk with us . He would ask us how our day had been and what we had accomplished . I always felt when we were in the melon patch I could tell Dad anything . I had more heart to heart talks with my father while in the melon patch then at any other time I can remember . " " When I was five years old , my dad took me aside after dinner one night and asked if I would like to go on a date with him that Friday night . I , of course , said yes . I wanted to know where we were going , but he wouldn 't tell me . He just smiled and told me it was a secret . The week went so slow ! I was so excited to spend some time alone with my dad . He had been the bishop [ position of leadership in the Mormon church ] for five years and had just recently been called into the Stake Presidency [ another leadership position ] . I hadn 't ever had a lot of time with dad , and especially not time alone . Finally , Friday came . After dinner , my mom had me change into my red shirt and I left on our ' date ' . We went to a basketball game at ' the Pit . ' To be honest , I can hardly remember the game and if I know myself , I probably never really watched the game . Mostly , I remember that it was very loud , but amidst all the noise , my dad kept smiling at me , showing me the players and trying to explain why everyone was either cheering or booing . I don 't remember if the Lobos won or lost that night , but after the game , my dad took me to get ice cream and then we went home . It was probably the first time I ever stayed up past 11 : 00 . On the way home , I recall asking my dad why he had brought me . I think it surprised me that he had chosen to take me , instead of my 7 - year - old brother who surely would 've understood and enjoyed the game much more than I had . He answered , ' Because you are such a good girl and such a joy to our family . And because I love you . ' " " Sun poured into my bedroom as I awoke . The day that I had been looking forward to for weeks had finally arrived . It was the day that my father and I were going on our daddy - daughter date . To the envy of my brothers , my father and I loaded up the car with a picnic lunch and fishing equipment . It was our day to bond , to talk , and to just be together . As we drove up the mountain we talked about the fish that we should catch , and laughed at funny stories that each of us told . Excitement filled the car as we pondered the events to come . After about forty minutes we arrived at our destination , a secluded spot with a deep pool of water , and huge rocks to sit on while we fished and talked . We fished for hours but we did not catch anything . Some how during lunch one of the fishing poles fell into the water . In disbelief we watched as it sank to the bottom of the river . After lunch my father lowered me into the water to get the fishing pole . I remember how strong the grip of my fathers hands were as they held on to mine . His face had the look of worry and support as he watched me swim to the bottom of the river to get the fishing pole . As I swam to the top and handed him the pole , joy spread across his face . He was relieved that I made the journey safely . The grasp that pulled me out of the water was stronger than the one that let me go . In that instant I knew that my father loved me . " Generative fathering involves showing interest in a child 's life . Biller ( 1993 , p . 130 ) found children with involved and available fathers generally experienced much more success in school and increased academic performance than those who did not have a constructive relationship with both of their father and mother . The following story tells how a father shows concern and interest in his daughter 's high school life . " When I was in high school and dating different guys , my dad would always wait up for me when I came home from my dates . He waited up not only to make sure I got home safely , but he also wanted to hear about my dates . He was interested in my life . He became involved with me when I needed help with homework . Last semester , I was having a hard time in my math class . My dad sat down with me and showed me many things on his calculator and ways to use it that would help me for my final exam . He was willing to help any time I had a question . In fact , he was the one who offered to help me before I even asked him . This showed to me that my dad really wants to be involved with me . " Research states that fathers tend to be more arousing and stimulating in interacting with their children , engaging them in acitive , unstructured play ( Biller , 1993 , p . 22 ) . In this story , a father takes a unique moment to play with this children instead of reprimanding them . When fathers take the time to play with their children , they not only help thier children learn how to get along with other age - mates , but also develop a stronger bond with the father . ( Parke , 1996 , p . 124 , 137 ) . This is the essence of Recreation work . " The extensive spring rains had flooded our pond and , to the delight of my sisters and I , sent the excess over the edge and gurgling through our front yard . We were pulling our ' handcart ' ( a beat - up plastic snow sled ) across the muddy ' Iowa plains ' ( our flooded yard ) complete with our ' supplies ' and small child ( suitcases , blankets , dolls and our young sister ) . In the process , the ' Indians ' ( harmless family dogs and cats ) were chasing us down with fearsome bows and arrows . . . The rain had dampened our little sisters soft blond curls until they were pasted to her forehead . I noticed her lower lip quivering dangerously . ' Uh - oh . She 's going to tell on us if we don 't let her quit , ' I said . . . The chubby five - year - old rolled out of the sled and into the muddy flow . We laughed ! With a sniff she was on her feet and huffing up the hill toward the house . . . ' Hey girls , what are you doing ? ' called Daddy from the open garage . . . Before we knew it , he was trotting down the slippery hill toward our bedraggled forms . ' Get up girls . The Indians are coming ! ' he shouted . Our eyes widened as he climbed into the small , unstable sled . . . We picked up the ropes and began running , trying to lug his bulk through the water . Laughing uncontrollably and tripping over our skirts , we finally gave up . We spent the rest of that afternoon taking turns sitting in the sled as Daddy pulled us through the muddy stream . Laughing hysterically , Mama watched from the front porch . Daddy was always there for fun . . . He was our playmate and provider . . . It was not uncommon to see all six children in a ' rough - housing ' tangle of arms and legs with Daddy in the center of the heap . " The next three stories are examples of Mentoring work . In the following story , a father sacrifices many hard hours of work to make his daughter 's wedding reception wonderful . The father didn 't just say he loved her , he showed his love for her through his actions . " My older sister and I got engaged just a few nights apart . I had always hoped to have a backyard reception and it was decided that that would be most inexpensive . However , we had forgotten what a mess the backyard was . Still , my dad had a vision of what could be done with that jungle . He began to fix it up immediately , striving to meet the end of the summer deadline . . . He had the challenge of pulling out dead trees , weeds , bushes , dead grass , and planting new flowers and plants . He became absorbed in this activity , taking time off work and free time to create a heavenly backyard . . . There was not a day that went by that I did not see my father in his grungy clothes with dirt stained knees and sweat on his face . I was amazed at all he was doing to make my wedding wonderful . . . My greatest memory came , however , on the actual wedding day . The ceremony and luncheon were over and we were back at my house preparing for the reception . I had an hour or so before I needed to get back into my wedding dress , so I thought I 'd go out back to see how the set up was coming . I walked out to the backyard and marveled at how beautiful everything looked . The tables were neatly set , flowers bloomed , the cake was gorgeous , and the sky was magnificently blue and orange . I sat down on the swing chair to sink in all I saw and felt . My dad followed shortly after and sat down next to me . We did not speak for a few moments but simply gazed at the wonder of the moment . My eyes began to burn as I thought of all my dad had done the past summer to make this the most special occasion of my life . In a choked up voice , and with tears streaming down my face I said , ' Dad , this is the happiest day of my life . ' And I meant it with all my heart . He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him . I rested my head on his big , safe shoulder and smiled through my tears . I then told him I loved him and he returned with the same adding , ' It is beautiful , isn 't it ? ' His way of showing us he loves us is by doing and sacrificing for us . I have alwaysIn the following stories fathers teach values that impacted their child 's lives . " I was in the ninth grade and had some heavy duty math homework . Ninth grade math was not easy for me . I struggled with the problems and often looked to the back of the book for help . In the back of every math book the answers to all the odd numbered problems are found . These answers are to help students with the concepts and allow them to work the even - numbered problems on their own . One evening when dad was checking my homework , he noticed that I was getting half of the problems right and half of them wrong . Dad began to ask questions and I told him I didn 't understand the concepts in the book . I told Dad I was looking in the back of the book for answers . Now before I tell you what Dad did , let me preface this by saying , I think there was a lot weighing on his mind that day and Dad was stressed about something besides me . I couldn 't see this at the time and maybe that 's why it affected me so much . After I explained to Dad what I did , he sat back in his chair and got the most disappointed look on his face and began to cry ! ! Can you believe it ? He cried and cried and told me how disappointed he was in me and that I was lacking integrity when I cheated like that . It just about killed me . I really looked up to my dad and didn 't want to hurt or disappoint him . After that incident I never ' cheated ' from the back of the book again . Although I can 't say my math grades improved much after that , my Dad taught me a lesson more valuable than math . Dad taught me personal integrity is more important than anything else . Dad lives by this rule and has more integrity than any man I know . " " Just as the movie ended and I was starting to get myself under control , my dad drove in the driveway . He could tell that I had been crying and wanted to know what was wrong and if I was okay . I tried to tell him that nothing was wrong and that I was all right when my voice cracked and I started to sob hysterically . My dad couldn 't figure out what was bothering me because I couldn 't tell him what had happened . At that point he came over and picked me up in his arms and rocked me for over an hour while I tried to sort out my feelings enough to settle down . When I finally calmed down , we talked about the movie and why it may have caused me to react the way I did . My father was a key person in helping me to learn how to cope with the trials and tribulations that will come in this lifetime . " " He has taught me the proper way to live , and has helped me make right choices . One experience I had with my dad illustrates this perfectly . When I was 15 years old , I was with some friends who wanted to watch an R - rated movie . I called my dad from their house and asked him if I could watch the movie . He just replied , ' I shouldn 't have to say anything to you . You can make the choice . ' I quickly made the choice to go home , and I realized that my father had saved me from doing a wrong act , but he also let me make the choice myself . " Making mistakes is part of the learning process . An important part of Development work is allowing children to make those mistakes . When children make mistakes , fathers that are nurturant ( helpful , kind , and praising ) in their responses help their children to develop cognitively ( Parke , 1996 , p . 161 ) . This story tells of a time when children made a mistake . " As children we make some really stupid mistakes , and we learn a lot from these mistakes . The experience that stands out in my mind is a funny but sad one . My family was going camping , and my dad had pulled out the tents and sleeping bags a few days prior to our departure . My little brother and I were convinced that we could put the tent up by ourselves . We were going to sleep in it the night before we left . We proceeded to put the tent up in the back yard , and put the sleeping bags and pillows inside of it . We were so proud of ourselves that we had to tell someone . My mom and dad came out to see what we had accomplished . As we crawled inside and started to proclaim our intelligence the tent came crashing down . We didn 't know what we had done wrong , all the poles were in the right places . My dad smiled and said , ' You forgot to put each pole in its pocket . ' I am sure that we looked totally discouraged and confused . He showed us where we went wrong , and helped us re - put up the tent . I think that because he helped us and showed us the way to do things properly , after we had made a mistake , we learned a lot more . " " There is one event that occurred between my father and me that stands out more than any other event . It occurred the day that I left for the MTC [ Missionary Training Center for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter - Day Saints ] . We lived in Nebraska so my parents were unable to drop me off at the MTC [ located in Utah ] . The morning that I was to leave [ for two years ] my father expressed some feelings that he rarely showed in the previous 19 years . He gave me a big hug , a kiss on the cheek , and told me that he loved me and was proud of the decision that I had made to go on a mission . It was no surprise to me that he loved me because his actions always expressed his love . What was surprising was that he opened up and expressed what he was feeling inside . My parents were both very good parents in many ways but they rarely expressed much outward affection . I think that I can count on one hand the number of times that my parents , especially my dad , told me that they loved me . I can still remember how much it meant to me to hear my dad tell me that he loved me . " " The day was filled with excitement as I put on my cap and gown in preparation for my graduation from Ricks College with my associate 's degree . This was one more stepping stone in my life to reaching one of my goals . It was so exciting to see that my hard work was beginning to pay off . I was now half done with my college education . The day was great ! My fiancee , at the time , and I were able to walk together , side by side , and to our luck we ended up in the seats right in front of my parents , who had come up from Colorado to see us graduate . The situation could not have been more perfect . I was surrounded by those whom I loved and was able to share a special moment in my life with them . I was especially happy to have my parents there to show them what my hard work had done . I was the first child to make significant progress towards a college degree and I sure wanted to make them proud , especially my dad . After the ceremony we took a lot of pictures and shared a few hugs . We were all celebrating Don 's and my newly earned degrees . In all the excitement my parents gave me a card that I did not open for some time . I discarded it as a congratulations card my mother had picked out to tell me they were proud . Also , they were around and I always think it is kind of awkward to open cards and read them in front of whoever gives them to you . I always feel like I need to thank them with a hug or some sentimental gesture for a card . To me cards can be impersonal and they do not mean as much as a letter or something of that nature , so I just held on to it until a later moment when I could open it without a lot of attention . That moment came when we were in the gym waiting for something or someone , I cannot exactly recall . But I sat down on the edge of the stage and opened the card while my parents were in their own world off to the side . I had a little bit of privacy in the sense that no one was looking over my shoulder . It was a fairly large card in a blue envelope . My name had been written by my father which was a little unusChildren will remember how their parents treated them when they were very ill . The following three stories show how fathers took time to be with their daughters while they were sick . " At a very young age , I knew my father loved me . In the middle of my fourth grade year , I started having intense migraine headaches . I had my eyes checked many times and found that I did need glasses , but my vision was changing so quickly that the doctors thought that possibly there were other problems . I was sent immediately to Primary Children 's Hospital , to be checked for a brain tumor . On the day scheduled for my testing , my mom was unable to come to the hospital with me and so it was arranged for my dad to come . It was a scary time for our family , and I remember being very nervous and really not understanding what was going on . We went to the hospital , and I was given a lot of shots that go along with having a CAT scan . We were there for hours , but most of the time I was sleeping inside the big machine . I don 't remember what happened most of the time , but I do remember waking up and seeing my dad , along with all the doctors , through the glass window . It was weird for me to have all those people looking at and studying me , but having my dad there was very comforting . After we left the hospital , we spent the rest of the day walking around the capital building and just spending time together . It was an experience I have never forgotten and know I will never forget . My father was showing me that day , how concerned and involved he was and still is , in my life . He showed me reverence and respect by being there for me when I was frightened and helping me through that new experience . I gained a lot of respect for him that day , and looking back to that time , I realize that he was not afraid to take on the role of caring for his children . . . This is what makes my relationship with my dad go great ; I have no doubt that he loves me and is constantly concerned with my well - being . " " This is not much of a story in that it doesn 't flow as nicely as most stories do , but it is a true experience with my father . In preparing to write this I have done a lot of reflecting on my relationship with my father . Many experiences have come to my mind , but none of them quite typifies our relationship like my twenty - fourth surgery , which I had when I was sixteen years old . It was summer so my dad , a French professor , did not have to worry about getting a substitute for his classes , or about work piling up as much as he would have in fall or winter . My parents spent from about nine in the morning to about eight at night with me every day at Primary Children 's Medical Center in Salt Lake , then they left to drive back home to Provo so my father would not get too tired . The night before my surgery my father and my uncle gave me a healing blessing that gave me courage and comfort . It helped me know that I would be all right , that I was loved , and that I would be well cared for . As soon as I was in my own room after surgery , while I was still quite anesthetized , my father pulled out his camera and took a picture of me . When I groaned about it he said , " Well , at least I didn 't make any ' cutting ' remarks . " I groaned again , my usual response to his really corny puns , and went to sleep . This joking is a very important part of our relationship and one of the ways we show caring for each other . Later , after the anesthesia had worn off , I was in a great deal of pain . They had discovered a few weeks earlier ( after another surgery ) that I am allergic to both codeine and morphine , which most strong pain medications are based on . Because of this , they had me on a high dosage of Extra - Strength Tylenol . It may have been ' extra - strength , ' but it just was not ' extra - strength ' enough for my pain . I spent most of the next few days trying to breathe deeply , and quivering and sobbing in pain . My father spent much of that time sitting next to me , holding my hand so I would have something to squeeze , and wiping my tears . This meant aWhile many people remember the times their fathers cared for them during illness , this young woman remembers a time when the roles were reversed . An important part of Development work is allowing others to meet the changing needs of the father as well as the father meeting the needs of the child . Here she remembers most when she was able to help her father during his time of cancer . " This particular Saturday afternoon , my brothers came up to East Canyon to play some sort of paint gun game , but my dad and I drove up together in our old tan Dodge van . When we got up the canyon , it was a beautiful day and I knew that my dad wished that he could play the game with my brothers , but this time he could only watch . When he stopped the van , the next few minutes in time were very meaningful for me . My dad 's crutches were in the back of the van and he asked me to get them for him . I jumped out of the van and opened the side door , trying to hurry to show my dad that I could help him . I grabbed his crutches from the back and walked around to the driver 's side . The look on my dad 's face told me that he was in pain . I handed him the crutches and he thanked me . We used his arms to slide his body to the edge of the seat and again his face revealed some discomfort . I knew that this process wasn 't easy for him . He took one crutch in each hand and supported himself as he slid down from the seat . Then , together , we walked over to the place where the game would start . My dad used to always hold my hand ; actually he would hold my pinkie with his . Now he couldn 't hold my hand at all because he had to hold onto his crutches . I felt safe with my dad and I was proud to be his daughter . I felt a special bond with my dad that day . First , I was in a place that he loved so much and I was glad that he brought me along . Second , I felt like he needed me to be there so that I could help him . Third , for the first time , I think I realized that my dad was imperfect and that even adults didn 't always feel strong and secure . My own dad had need for a little eleven - year - old girl . It 's funny that I remember this small and seemingly insignificant experience with my father , but I had a lot of strong emotions for my dad that day . I felt like he was so strong to be able to make it through all the things he had been through , and to have people look at him because he only had one leg . I felt so proud that he was my dad . " Death is a powerful motivation for change . It stimulates younger generations to take something in and older generations to leave something behind ( Kotre , 1984 , p . 115 ) . In the following stories , tragic events help to redefine a father 's relationship with his children . " Two years after I left home to go to college , my 18 - year - old brother committed suicide . It was very devastating for our whole family for a long time , but especially for my father . In the letter my dad says that after this event he realized what a negative effect his harsh , unfeeling attitude must have had on us children . He felt that he had killed my brother and that this could have been prevented had he expressed more of his love and feelings . Throughout all of the trials , my father has realized how important his family is to him . Since my brother 's death , my ' new and improved ' father has been able to reveal his weaknesses to us children and express his intimate feelings , allowing us to grow closer to him . Because of my brother 's death , my dad is no longer a stranger to emotion and I think he has learned how to understand and show his feelings . I 'm sure my dad felt hurt , sadness , fear , warmth , affection , closeness , and for the first time was able to claim and recognize these emotions for what they were . " " My parents had planned a trip to Oklahoma to visit my older sister , Lori , but a few weeks prior to their departure my father had an appointment with his doctor . The check - up went as usual , but the doctor told Dad about this new ' miracle drug ' that would get him off insulin and encouraged Dad to try it . My father , excited about anything that would enable him not to take insulin , was willing and had the prescription filled . He started taking this new medication and soon thereafter left on their two week trip . Things were going well at first but by the time my parents reached Oklahoma , Dad was feeling quite ill and experiencing much fatigue . He often felt this way when his blood sugar was high so both my parents figured that 's what was wrong . They spent the week helping my sister and her husband fix up their new house , but Dad got worse . Any physical activity what so ever left him out of breath ; he could hardly tighten a screw without getting winded . Dad started experiencing serious chest pains and pain in his arms , and by this time everyone was worried . My mom and my sister took him to the emergency room . The doctor there told my parents that my father 's heart was basically a time bomb just waiting to go off , and that he needed to get to a cardiologist as soon as they arrived home ! My parents took the next flight out of Oklahoma headed home . They had an eight hour lay - over in Salt Lake on their way , so I went up and spent the day with them . Dad looked weaker than I had ever seen him before . He would have to stop and rest walking from the car into the store . It scared me to see him this way . I thought it would be the last time I 'd see him , and I knew he thought that too . I spent the day driving my parents around Salt Lake as my Dad talked to me about everything from how to do my taxes to what to do when I buy my first house . He talked non - stop ; he had so much to tell me and so much advice to give , knowing he would never have another chance . He told me how I needed to raise my kids and the do 's and don ' ts of parentiThird Story . " After I had been in college for approximately a year , my grandfather ( on my father 's side ) went into a coma . Previous to this time , my attitude toward my family was one of ' I am never going back . ' For some reason , ( which I discovered later ) I felt that I should discontinue school and go to Dallas , Texas , where I could be of assistance to my grandmother . I proceeded to do so knowing that my father ( who lived in Alabama ) would be visiting . My hope was to be of comfort to my family , especially my father and grandmother , and also to see my grandfather once again before he passed away . With hardly any money and a bag full of food donated by roommates and friends , I boarded a bus to Dallas . Upon arrival , I went straight to the hospital where my family was gathered . I walked into the hospital room unprepared for what I was to see . There lay my once able grandfather with numerous tubes and apparatus surrounding him . His breathing was labored . I was told he was still in his coma and that he was paralyzed on his left - hand side . . . I took my grandfather 's hand and told him how much I loved him . Previously , the family had been taking turns staying with my grandfather so he would never be alone . It was my father 's ' shift . ' It was night time and I was tired , but I chose to stay with my father realizing that this may be the only time that I had to share with him before he [ my grandfather ] died . Something magical happened that night as my father and I talked , each holding the hand of a dying member of our family . We talked about things we 'd never discussed . I asked questions that I had never had answers for . I started to understand my father . . . My grandfather 's slow , struggled breathing served as a mediator and peacemaker as we discussed topics that could have ignited with emotion . . . That night as we talked , I began the healing process . The next morning I woke up with a momentary start . . . I could tell that this time for my father was very precious and that I had been privileged to be there with him . I felt an emotionIn an example of Ethical work , this father doesn 't allow his competitive nature get in the way of supporting his daughter run a race . " Each year , the physical education department of my junior high school sponsored a 3 mile fun run , named the " Cougar Challenge . " Students and parents were encouraged to enter the race . As members of the basketball team , my coach told us that we were required to run the race , which was to be held early on a Saturday morning . I decided to ask my father , who is a seasoned runner , to participate in the race . Since my father was always looking for a race to run in , he naturally accepted the invitation . We ran a couple of times before the race and he gave me pointers . We even went to the junior high and ran the course we would run for the race . The day of the Cougar Challenge arrived . We got to the school and stretched and warmed up together . Many people were there , including many of my friends and their fathers and / or mothers . Since many of these people were also our neighbors , my father knew them and acknowledged their presence . My dad joked around with them about placing bets on which one of them would win their division . The race began . We got a good start and established a pace that was faster than what I was used to running . We pulled ahead of my friends quickly . I expected my father to eventually pass me up and I even challenged him before the race to run hard and beat my physical education teachers . As we ran , though , he never left my side . My pace started to slow as the race progressed , which slowed him down a great deal . But he never pulled ahead , though it would have been so easy for him to do so . Gradually , my friends ' fathers started to pass us up - - the same ones that my father had jokingly challenged before the race . They had passed up their daughters , and they were competing fiercely among themselves . My dad kept by my side , though , encouraging me to push harder . As a result , I placed third out of all the girls in the school who ran it . My father didn 't place . It was the hardest race I have ever ran , and I would not have done so well if he hadn 't stayed by my side , prodding and encouraging me to do my besIn this story , a daughter tells how her father coaxed her out of a slump by caring for her through doing little things . This illustrates the importance of Relationship work . " My dad is a full - time father . His illness , though devastating at first , has proved to be a blessing in disguise many times . Having him at home turned out to be one of those camouflaged blessings . I have come to know him much better , and he has come to know me much better as well because he is around to see me in all my wonderful moods . Point in case : two weeks ago I was going through a minor burnout that , at the time , seemed like the end of the world . I cried over every little thing , and I wanted to establish a permanent home under my covers . Now as a female I am entitled to go through this pseudo - end - of - the - world crisis at least once a month ; it 's normal . But since I haven 't lived at home for over two years , my dad was more than a little alarmed by my behavior . His concern for me turned into compassion , and I was quite touched . My dad isn 't emotional very often , but I know that he does have a sensitive side to him . So getting back to my story , the morning after he had seen me burst into tears , he came into my room and , speaking to me as if I were five years old , asked me if I would like a nice warm bowl of cream of wheat . Now I know that it was cold outside , but I am not a huge cream of wheat fan no matter what the temperature maybe . Still , the way he peeked his head inside my door and asked me was so adorable that I just couldn 't say no . He ran down the stairs like a boy on Christmas morning to start making breakfast . A few minutes later there was a knock on my door . It was my dad . By the look on his face , you would have thought that Old Yeller had died . He sadly informed me that we were out of cream of wheat , but that there was still some Malt - O - Meal left if I wanted that instead . I told him that would be fine . I was trying hard not to laugh . He was being so cute ! About twenty minutes later , I came bolting down the stairs to eat breakfast . My dad was sitting at the table , reading the paper . To my surprise , there was only one serving of Malt - O - Meal in the pan . Puzzled , I asked my dad if anyone else was going tBiller and Mark Reuter ( 1993 , p . 77 ) found that fathers who had consistent and relatively warm contact with their children helped provide a good foundation for their child 's later development . Sometimes the small things , the small bits of time fathers spend with their children leave impressions of a lifetime . The beautiful little creek ran through the pasture . On each side the willow trees grew . One summer afternoon , Dad and I stopped by the willows . Dad was telling me stories about when he was young . He told me a story of whistles and how he and his brothers had made whistles out of willow branches . He reached into his pocket and removed his knife , the knife that was always there . We cut a stick of willow and carefully slid the bark off . The stick was so smooth . He cut a notch in the wood , then cut a flat place on the wood . Next the bark was inserted back on , with a notch cut in the bark . He handed it to me . I looked at it and could see a groove between the bark and the willow wood . He asked me to blow on the end , and as I did , it emitted a sharp whistle . Small things , small bits of time , leave impressions of a lifetime . ConclusionFatherWork involves continually and adaptively being for one 's child ; the essence of fatherwork is constant , active responsiveness . Thus , generative fathering , like a great river , is both constant and moving . Children need to be able to flow along the river of growth that generative fathering provides . Children need the stability of the constant presence of a father in their lives combined with flexibility to meet children 's changing needs . As a great river brings travelers along their journey , generative fathering provides opportunties for meaningful growth and assists a child move through life with confidence and joy ; as a river provides sustenance on the journey , generative fathering provides a child sustenance and lifegiving love ; as a river provides fun , excitement , and adventure , generative fathering nourishes a child through fun , humor , and adventure ; as river - goers get on and off the river but always retain , in memory , the feel of quiet movement and exciting rapids , children of generative fathers depend on their fathers to both be a constant presence and yet to allow them to decide how often they avail themselves of their father 's influence ; as great rivers begin in mountains and end in oceans , generative fathering begins in the peaks of high principles and flows down until its journey is over ; as great rivers are fed by smaller streams , generative fathering is nourished by other 's efforts and encouragement . You , as a father , are called to be for your children what they most need for you to be as they move through a challenging and sometimes dangerous life . Interview a father about what he thinks the three most important principles or practices of good fathering are and why . Ask him to tell personal stories that illustrate the principles or practices . Send your brief ( about one page ) " report " about what you learned from this experience to us via email .