During the Valentine 's Day weekend of 2016 , my apartment at 537 W 147th St Apt 1 was flooded . My apartment was and is managed by Aizer Realty , specifically by Joseph Aizer . I am making this information public because I have just found out today that Joseph Aizer and 147 Hamilton LLC have taken me to small claims court for unpaid rent , and at this point , there is no reason to be quiet . Tagsdiet racism , Donald Trump , election , grief , new york , social analysis , society , Sociology It 's been little over a week since the presidential election . I feel like I 've aged five years . After it was clear on Wednesday morning that Trump had in fact gotten the electoral vote , New York was in mourning . No one could look at each other on the train . I cried twice in public , and still now I keep trying to think of upsides . Although when I met him The DJ assured me that he wanted to work on our respective business goals as a team , I quickly realized that this wasn 't true . I couldn 't talk to him like a normal person . For example , there were bugs in the apartment and soon enough , I was waking up daily with new bite marks all over my arms , neck and back . I told The DJ at first , but all he did was freak out and find people to blame . Then he claimed that he was bitten too , and pointed to a bunion on his left foot . When I told him that was not a bite make , he then decided to clean the apartment by shredding paper at 5 AM while I was trying to sleep . He never actually tried to come up with a solution . A couple of weeks before my birthday , we had another girl living with us . Her name was Angel , a college student who arrived in town a few days before her semester was due to begin , and she needed a place to stay in the meantime . She too slept on The DJ 's bed while he slept on the floor . She too had to deal with his incessant need to stir up conflict out of thin air . He accused her of not getting along with him , or something equally dumb , and wouldn 't drop the subject . This time I intervened . At one point , Angel and I were on our respective sides of the room when we heard The DJ mumble something stupid , so we both spoke to him to settle the issue . His response was that he felt like Tupac , because he felt like it was him against the world . Angel and I looked at each other and stifled a laugh , and tried to talk the matter out . The next morning I woke up to the familiar sound of The DJ going off on a rant . Angel and I both thought the matter had been settled , but all The DJ did was stew on it overnight , so that in the morning , arguing with Angel was the first thing on his mind . He was telling Angel that he wanted her out that day and handed her her money . I jumped out of bed and pretended to not know what was going on and asked what he was talking about , and then I pulled him aside and repeated the words , " Angel is a good girl . Stop , please . Angel is a good girl , " until they sunk in . I wanted Angel around . She was nice , and it made me feel better having another sane person in the apartment . That night she suggested we go out together , just for a walk to bond and just put the drama behind us . We walked up to Times Square and back , and everything seemed fine . That Friday The DJ invited Angel and me to a party he was deejaying out in Fort Hamilton . I didn 't work on Fridays , so I planned on sleeping a little late that day and getting something to eat . I was working on my submission for The Center For Fiction , and needed all the time I could spare . The DJ got into the shower at about noon that day , and spent the next four hours locked in the bathroom . I couldn 't go out to get something to eat because I couldn 't get back in the building without his escort , and he was luxuriating in the shower . By the time he came out , it was time to start getting ready . Angel went in , and I showered last . Then we rode in a black cab out to Brooklyn . The DJ told storied about his career while I stared out the window . By the time we arrived , I was famished . Angel and I hung out together and took pictures . We were both confused because we thought we were there for a big open party , but it was a private event instead , and we both felt like we were crashing . Still , we had a good time , and I got plenty of pictures . When the party was over , The DJ informed us that we would be taking a train back . We walked from the base to the train station in the bitter cold , and from the train to the apartment . It was past 4 AM by the time we arrived , and I was pissed . We argued about it the next morning while Angel slept . He accused me of not participating the night before . Of not mingling and being dismissive of his art , because I had stared out the window during the cab ride while he talked about his previous work . He took that as disrespect , when I just really wanted to stare out into the lights . I pointed out all the times he 'd lied to us the night before , how he 'd misled us about the party , and how he 'd flat out fucking lied on the way home , assuring us we were , " almost there " the entire time when it was really an hour long trip , a big chunk of which was on foot and on heels . There was another party that night , the one that we originally thought we were going to the night before , and AngeThen one morning , I woke up to him shouting down the hallway like a maniac . He had been talking to a neighbor and the guy asking him something seemingly benign , and The DJ went off . The entire floor heard it , and I was sure we were going to be kicked out , and he reinforced this misconception . I spent the entire day looking for apartments , reaching out to anyone who could possibly help me . It wasn 't until the end of the day that I realized that it was just his usual shit - starting , and by then I was stressed . I was covered in bite marks that hurt so bad I cried in the shower . I couldn 't deal with his craziness , and I had lost a day of writing to his bullshit . The Center For Fiction submission was due on the 31st of January , and he spent almost the entire day interrupting me , still ranting about the hallway incident . I 'd had enough , so I captured his rant on video . / / www . youtube . com / get _ player I sent it to a couple of people . They all advised me to get the hell out of there , but I had nowhere to go . Still , I managed to complete my piece in time , and submitted it . When he confronted me again about how , " we didn 't get along , " I told him how crazy he comes off sometimes . He denied all of it , so I showed him the video . Instead of talking about it or acknowledge his behavior , he had me delete the video and clean out the recycling bin , but it didn 't matter . I had already made several copies that were saved in my email . The next day , two days before my 30th birthday , I was invited to go to a swingers club by someone I 'd me through Craigslist . He assured me that I 'd be safe , that nothing would happen unless I wanted it , and that I might as well have an adventure before my birthday . I went , and , well , I will tell you that story some other time , but lets just say I was a very popular girl that night . When I came back , The DJ took about 45 minutes to tell the building to let me up . I knew he was up . 4 AM was his rant time . He was punishing me for leaving , so I made a point of not acknowledging it . Then night before my birthday , Angel was home . We toasted at midnight , and I thanked them both for celebrating with me . The DJ made a snide comment about keeping his mouth shut and we both ignored him . That morning , it snowed . I took the day off from work but I didn 't want to stay inside all day . I walked around , stopped inside a Starbucks and called a few people . But then I had no choice and I went back to the apartment . As I sat there on my futon , I could hear him typing away on his computer and stifled a laugh . He was pissed that I had asked him for a calm birthday so he was typing his frustrations out . And then the questions came . " Hey , how much do you make ? " He asked through our diving foam wall , after I had pointedly tried and failed to not hear him through my headphones . I told him how much I made . " You know that 's better than most people . " No it wasn 't , but OK . " You know , you should be real grateful of where you are . " And then , " I 'm just saying , you should be really grateful I let you stay here . Other people would ask for more money or even ask for sex . You should be real grateful of all I 've done for you . " I couldn 't believe the balls on him . It was my birthday , and he just couldn 't give me peace . I texted Todd . He 'd had enough . He told me he was tired of worrying about my safety and to pack my things to come live with him . I told The DJ I was leaving hesitantly because I never knew how he would react . He told me to leave then , going off on a fresh rant about how little he cared , and I started to pack immediately . I was out of there , I was free , and I couldn 't wait to get the fuck out . He kept on talking , and it wasn 't until I started to stack my things by the door that he realized I was for real . Then he completely changed his tune . He started to tell me not to go . He tried to talk me into staying , and then , in all earnest , he looked up at me with nothing but sincerity in his eyes and said : " You 're going to ruin your birthday . " I laughed in his face . I finished packing and took whatever I could with me that night . He had to walk me out and offered to help me to the train , and spent the entire time asking to talk about it , but I didn 't owe him a dammed thing . I spent the night of my birthday with Todd in Harlem , and I 've lived with him ever since . That is , for the most part . When you live in an environment where picking up and leaving in a moment 's notice is normal , you have to learn to carry just enough . Just enough to get by and settle in . Just enough so that you can still survive . Just enough so you don 't break your back . Trinkets and mementos become optional . Keeping clothes " just in case " is no longer an option . That pile of When I Was Skinny clothing that 's sitting in the back of your closet goes in the trash , because it 's taking up space and there 's no point in carrying it around . You get used to keeping only what you need . This is a complete 180 degrees from the way I was raised . Although we moved a bit , my mother kept everything she could . The space under the stairs of our basement is filled with nothing but decorations , mementos , and trinkets that we 've accumulated as a family over the years . I 'm sure if I asked , I could find an uncle who has my old atari , a young cousin who still plays with my old Barbies , and an aunt who still holds all my Disney books . And I know exactly who has my Barbie Dream House . I prepared myself to carry light when I came to New York . Most of my things were in storage , including shoes , jewelry and trinkets . I had a few things I still carried with me , under the excuse that I would need them but were mostly keepsakes : A Konica FT - 1 that belonged to my father , a leather Juicy Couture handbag my mother gave me for my 27th birthday , a few pieces of costume jewelry from Nordstrom , and a canopy that once belonged to my sister . Even my laundry bag had a connection for me . After a while , everything did . and I started to see them for what they represented . It was the laundry bag my mother bought me for Girl Scout camp . The blue trunk she bought me after I became obsessed with anything vintage . The Kindle and laptop she 'd gifted me , the jean jacket I bought when I worked for LOFT . The purple scarf from visiting my sister in Boston . The boots and flat iron I 'd bought while living with Ceasar . Every once in a while I 'd also find calico cat hair in my luggage . The DJ went out of his way to make me feel comfortable in the apartment . He hung my canopy and added hooks to the walls for me to have some sort of storage . He even bought me a futon so I 'd have somewhere to sleep . That weekend , I had a hair appointment in Midtown . The makers of Cezanne wanted me to review their product , and I got a free haircut out of it . After that , I once again packed everything in my car and moved . Jay was kind enough to help me . He knew he 'd fucked up , and he was trying to at least be cordial , which is more than I can say for Sandra , who refused to be the one to hand me my deposit money back . When I arrived at The DJ 's , he made me pull over a little further away from the building entrance while he brought my things in little by little . It was the first hint I had that something was wrong . That night I barely slept because my car was parked on 28th , and they were very strict about parking regulations . I had to move the car sometime around 6 AM to be safe . Over the next several days , I parked my car in the Bronx by where Jay lived , and took the train back into the city . This , of course , was unsustainable . It made me late for work , and I had to keep going back to the Bronx to move my car on alternate parking days . I had to bring the car to Bridgeport , where I could park it longer with friends . But I was broke , and barely had the money to take the metro back into the city . I drove out one night , and left my car with V . She wasn 't home , so I took the bus back to the metro . It was during one of those cold snap days in late December in 2013 , and I got brain freeze just from stepping outside . I took a train from Bridgeport to Stanford , and one from Stanford to Grand Central . I had an old pass from when I used to live by Fordham that was due to expire that night , and tried to use that to pay my way . But it was only worth half the trip , and when the conductor saw it , he got really annoyed and charged me for the rest of the trip . It was still money I didn 't have , but I arrived back into the city safely , if a little cold . It was the last time I saw my car , my most favorite trinket of all . My car was my freedom . It was my escape . It was the symbol of how far I had come , how far I could go . I bought my car after years of taking the bus , after years of believing I couldn 't drive , that I didn 't need to . Including my original arrival , I had already packed my things inside my car four separate times . I had been living in NY for eight months , and if I planned to stay longer , it would mean moving again sometime in the future . Leaving my car meant I could no longer pack it up and leave . When I finally accepted that I could no longer afford to keep it , that I had to turn it back into the bank , I was heartbroken . And I 'm still not over it . I contacted my mother after leaving my car and settling in . I didn 't want to stress her out after I had to leave Jay 's so quickly , so she didn 't know I had moved again . I learned that in the time I didn 't contact her , she 'd had heart surgery again . Before I left Connecticut , my mother had a pacemaker put in her chest . While she was healing , she complained that she could feel it moving . The doctors found that not only had the pacemaker moved , but it has completely turned itself around inside her chest . She had to get surgery again to have it readjusted . I scolded her . My mother the clean freak could not drop the mop even if it affected her health , and I begged her to get others to help her with the house cleaning , and to take care of herself . She promised she would . The second hint that something was wrong with The DJ came that New Year 's Eve . It was the winter before my 30th birthday , and I dreamed of greeting the new year in Madison Square Park . But the bitter cold hadn 't lifted , and The DJ kept talking about how crazy it was outside , so I stayed indoors . I went to sleep , only to be woken up around 4 AM to the sound of The DJ ranting on the phone , and it was the most hateful , homophobic rant I had heard in years . I listened . And when it got to be too much , I put in ear plugs and roller over , shocked . He bemoaned , for example , that he could no longer throw around the term ' faggot ' anymore , because people obviously get offended . By that time , another girl had stayed with us for a few days while he slept on the floor . The DJ had found a way to pick a fight with her that culminated into a pile of nothing . She had simply left her things behind while she partied with friends , and he kept blowing up her phone asking when she would come back . I understood why she got frustrated , and as they bickered over nothing , I got a front row seat for the whole show . After she left , he tried to relate with me on it , but we were clearly not on the same page . I felt that he had instigated the situation , that he found excuses to pick fights with her . I had seen that behavior before : people who create drama out of nothing as a way to pass the time . Day in and day out , there was always something new to create a big stink over , and I had no need to participate in that . As he tried to call her names in front of me , I pointed out that as a man of nearly 50 , he should know better than to call a woman half his age derogatory names . Someone had to be the adult , I told him , but he tried to defend his actions . He tried to call her a Head Hat Wearing Nappy Headed Hoe to me because she wore a wig , and I thought it was completely inappropriate of him . Later , he came back to me and said that he had only only called her Beastly because he had heard other girls calling themselves that , completely unaware that it was something else entirely that I had called him out for . I jokingly told him that one day I would record him in the middle of one of his rants . He brushed me off an told me to go ahead . That he didn 't care . The last incident involved me being kicked out for being too loud on the phone on Christmas night . No , " Hey can you talk a little lower ? " or " Or we can hear you in the next room " or even , " Hey , you 're being mad loud right now . " Nope . It was pack your bags , I don 't want you living here anymore . You might wonder why by this time I didn 't just pack my things and drove right back to Hartford . The short answer is , there was nothing to go back to . I had left everything . Yes , my job at Nord - er , The Big Fancy was waiting for me , and I could 've gotten my old apartment back ( the landlord loved me ) but then I would 've been stepping back in time instead of going forward . And going back would 've been giving up all the good things that had happened too . Todd had invested a lot of time and money on helping me build a life here . I had made friends with the twins and got a job at Dance Manhattan . Also : baklava , all you can eat sushi , Kalustyan 's , Arthur ave . cannolis , Indian takeout and fresh homemade dal … I just couldn 't turn my back on all that . On the morning after Christmas I had an appointment to see The DJ to view his apartment . I knew that continuing to live with Jay was going to bring more problems . He had issues with boundaries , constantly roping me into long conversations when I was supposed to get ready for work and going into my room when I wasn 't around and without my permission . To say that I had no privacy was an understatement , the cameras guaranteed that , but I had no rights . Every violation of privacy , every outburst was a reminder that I didn 't belong . That while my money was good and Jay needed to fill the rooms in order to make the rent , he didn 't particularly like having other people living there . I stepped out of my room that morning to get ready for work . Jay was already waiting for me . He was all apologies , but that wasn 't the significant part of the conversation . Apparently , Jay 's idea of apologizing was to stand in front of me in an untied bathrobe with no clothing on underneath . Yes , ladies and gentlemen , Jay believed that the best way to show he was sorry was to offer me his cock . It made it really difficult to have a serious conversation . At first , he did make some effort to at least cover his package , even though grabbing his dick through the cloth of his bathrobe and leaving everything else uncovered still drew the attention directly to his dick . I didn 't even peek . I talked about how his outburst was completely inappropriate and how he had embarrassed me in front of Ceasar . But as the conversation continued he made less and less effort to cover himself , until he was standing in front of me in the kitchen giving me a full frontal . I stated up at the ceiling . I had absolutely no curiosity over his package and quite frankly the entire ploy was making me nauseous . But Jay wasn 't listening . He was so focused on convincing me that he wasn 't paying attention that I 'd made up my mind . It didn 't matter that he was all apologies . He was dead serious the night before when he kicked me out . It was only because I was making it clear that I wasn 't going to put up with that crap that he decided to backtrack . The apartment was small and dark , the size of my bedroom in my mother 's basement . My room would really be a section of the room partitioned by curtains and foam . It didn 't look like an upgrade , In fact , it looked like rock bottom , but it was cheaper , it was walking distance from work , and I would be between 5th and Madison Avenue . Simply put , the apartment was shit , but the area was gorgeous beyond belief , and most importantly , The DJ seemed nice and he wasn 't " offering " to fuck me . I agreed to move in and told Jay that night . He took it in stride and agreed that it would be cheaper for me . When he started mourning that I was leaving again , I reminded him that it had been him who kicked me out . Still not a douche . Seriously . I spent the entire weekend looking for other arrangements , but I still only had a part - time job and didn 't have much money to spare for rent . I looked on craigslist . I found a couple of leads , but many more scams . I spoke to one guy who explained that his uncle had an empty apartment building in the Bronx and needed tenants desperately . The building , he told me , was more of a tax write off than anything , and I 'd be doing them a favor by living there , and I didn 't have to worry about paying rent . I 'm still waiting for him to call back . There was another guy who I wasn 't so sure about . He called himself The DJ , and when I spoke to him on the phone , he told me if I liked the " situation " I could stay with him . I was a little suspicious about what the " situation " was so I decided not to call back . Then there was Jay on Willis Avenue . Jay advertised his rooms in Spanish on Craigslist . When I spoke to him on the phone he explained that the apartment was his mother 's and he was managing it for her . He explained that he just wanted to rent the apartment to women , as he surmised that women would be cleaner and more respectful of the space . I was completely honest : I know how to respect common areas but my room is mine , and I reserve the right to keep it as I wish . We set a time to talk later that day . I drove to Willis Avenue and met him . The apartment , I noticed immediately , had cameras in all the common areas . Jay explained that he had the cameras set up because the previous renters had wild parties in the apartment without him knowing , but there were no cameras in the rooms . The apartment was also unfinished . It was clearly under renovation , and looked like it had been that way for some time . The bathroom for example had a lamp for electricity and the door didn 't have a handle , only a hole and blue tape . Jay showed me the rooms for rent . There were two , one with a full sized bed , and one with a twin . I picked the smaller room . It was cheaper , but the windows also faced the roof , and I was enamored with the idea of being able to climb out the window and hang out on the roof . The phrase " Twinkle Lights " also came to mind . Jay also showed me exactly what he meant about respecting the common areas . He was veryDuring my stay , the makers of Cezanne reached out to me to conduct a review of their product . Part of the article included a phone interview of the president of Cezanne , and I asked if I could use the house phone so I wouldn 't run up my minutes . Jay suggested I speak to Sandra . I asked , and she gave me the runaround , first told me to ask Jay , and then when I replied that he had already told me to speak to her , she replied that the house phone was private . When I told Jay that Sandra had said no , he offered to lend me his cell phone . But then something weird went down . Jay had a little problem with boundaries . Every morning I would wake up on time to go to work , and every morning he would chat me up outside my room for about 20 minutes . It was very hard to walk away without being rude , and I was perpetually late for work . One day he texted me while I was at work that he heard noises coming from the roof outside my window . He asked if I was sure I had closed my bedroom window before I left for work , and I assured him that I did . He didn 't text me again , but when I came home that day he was upset , claimed he had gone into my room to investigate the noise and was angry that my room was a mess . I was livid . He had no right to go into my room in my absence , and even though he was constantly preaching to me about keeping my bedroom door locked , it obviously didn 't mean anything if he just let himself in whenever he wanted . Still , I didn 't argue , I needed the place and it was clear that privacy was going to be a luxury . That night Jay and Sandra got into a nasty fight . From what I can guess , Sandra wanted Jay to be more forceful with me , and wouldn 't let the issue drop . I could hear the fight from my room , and it was clear that Jay hit Sandra . He admitted as much when he got on the phone with friends a few minutes later . It was super uncomfortable . I couldn 't call the police , not without guaranteeing that I would get kicked out , and I lost any residual comfort I felt around Jay . He tried to talk to me about When the day of the interview came , I used my phone . Jay also watched me on the cameras . The holiday party for Dance Manhattan came , and I got dressed up for the occasion . I left early and came back late . And while neither Jay nor Sandra was home either time to see me , Jay made comments about the way I was dressed and how I had come back home drunk that night . I stumbled because the apartment was dark , not because I had been drinking . Christmas was a few days later . I had to work on the 24th so I wasn 't sure about going to Connecticut , but decided to head out anyways . It was on my way to my mother 's that I remembered it was my turn to clean the bathroom . Jay and I had decided I would clean it once a week , and I had to buy cleaning products and forgot to stop at the dollar store . The bathroom however was constantly being cleaned . Every time I took a shower Jay would knock on my bedroom door to clean up the bathroom , and I had to explain each time that I wasn 't done cleaning the bathroom because I wasn 't dressed , and I was pretty sure Sandra would not have appreciated it if I had stopped to clean the bathroom still naked . Can you please give me a few minutes to get dressed ? I would ask , but each time when Sandra was home , that knock came . Once she threw a fit because I had washed my hair and left two hair strands in the tub . I actually had to stare at the tub for about five minutes to find the strands . Again , I know clean freaks . My mother , my sister and Charmaine all have nightmares about dust mites and I lived with all three of them for years . This was a little less about cleanliness and more about constantly reminding me that this was not my place . When I came back that Christmas night , everything seemed fine . I said hello , went back outside to park my car somewhere safer , and said goodnight before we all retired for bed . And then Ceasar called me . Ceasar can call me at any time of day and I will always pick up , mostly because I never know if it 's his one phone call . I also hadn 't spoken to Ceasar onSunday Because her original method of getting me out didn 't work , Tati tried other tactics . Her first was to call my aunt Thelma in Puerto Rico . I don 't know exactly what Tati said to Thelma , but I did get a call from my mother about the whole thing . She told me that Thelma had immediately sided with Tati because ella tiene que defender su sobrina . I also told Thelma that I had just gotten a part - time job , that I was fighting with unemployment for the months I was without work , and that I had just needed more time . And then after I was done , I told her to butt the fuck out . This wasn 't her problem . I wasn 't calling Puerto Rico to whine about the shit I had gone through . For Tati to call about me after she complained so much about her family leaving her was laughable , and Thelma had no business in it . The whole thing was stressful . The apartment had rats , something I 'm sure had a part in Tati 's desire to leave , and there were nights that I was all alone and I could hear them in the kitchen , loud and clear . I poured a bottle of bleach on the bread they were eating , and they ate it anyways . Thanksgiving was right around the corner , and I had considered not going home to Connecticut . In fact , I had invited Tati to come with me before , which I see now was the beginning of the end . She had , at first , agreed to go . Then she said she had to work the next day , and by the time Thanksgiving came were not even on speaking terms . But my mother was not okay with me spending the holidays alone and got all Dominican on me , so I went . My car was in Bridgeport , and I had very little money . So I took a train ( first time the wrong way ) to Grand Central , then the Metro North to Bridgeport , a cab to pick up my car , and then drove 40 MPH on the highway to get home with my hazard lights on the entire time . I had to put the car on cruise control the closer I got to Hartford because every time I saw the sings pointing for home , I would forget myself and start speeding . I made a stop at my storage space and got $ 20 I had hidden in a teddy bear . Then I went home . Once there , I was safe . And clearly a bit malnourished . I talked to my mother and gave her a run through of the things that Tati had said during our argument , how she justified separating herself from us . I told her what Tati had said about my grandfather . My mother told me it was a blatant lie . She told me how Tati lied so much she landed in the hospital from a beating some girls gave her . She wasn 't happy that I had told my aunt to butt out , neither was my sister , but I stood my ground . No one in Puerto Rico knows the person Tati had been to me . On my first night home I was so hungry I stuffed myself with gas station chicken and got super sick . I barely ate Thanksgiving dinner , but I was so happy to be home and have the opportunity to recharge emotionally that it didn 't matter . That Sunday I drove back to New York with a new tire and a bag full of canned food my mother put together . I came home and breathed a sigh of relief to see the locks had not been changed in my absence and everything in my room was seemingly the way I had left it . I put the bag of food down on the kitchen floor , and I went to sleep . The next day I came home from work and Tati had removed all the pots from the kitchen . She forgot a small black one that was all the way in the corner in a cabinet , so I took it and hid it in my room . The day after that , she took all the plates cups and utensils . After that , the soap out of the bathroom . Even the used stuff . I replaced what I could with paper items . She removed everything she could , even taking a couple of cups that belonged to me . One day , I was at work at Dance Manhattan , and I didn 't feel well . I asked Farah if she could let me go home early . It was a Thursday . I wasn 't sick , just felt off . Farah told me I could go when the next shift came in . I left , and when I got home , I flicked the lights on . There wasn 't any electricity . I called the electricity company and asked them to turn it back on . I told them I was happy to pay the due balance , but they told me there was nothing wrong on their end . I went to the store where Tati worked since that was the only phone number listed for any maintenance or emergencies . The guy behind the counter was the most unhelpful creature on this planet , claimed not to know who the maintenance person was . I went back to him twice and gave him Do you have a name ? Do you have a phone number ? I called Tati but of course , she didn 't answer . And then I called Thelma and told her what had been going on since Thansgiving . And then I told her : esta es tu sobrina . Thelma told me as I was buying candles that I didn 't have until the end of December to leave . I barely had until the end of the week . Tati and the landlord were working together to get me out since she had turned in her keys . Tati also gave Thelma the excuse that she was taking her things bit by bit and that 's why she had cleared the kitchen out . Andreina has a car , she explained . I don 't . I told Thelma that it still didn 't justify removing the used soap and toilet paper . But the writing was on the wall . I packed a small bag and camped out at the twins for the night . Poor Al had to share his bed with me , which is barely big enough for him . And then the next morning I went to Tati directly and told her I was leaving . She could keep her apartment . This was becoming too stressful for me , and I promised to leave by the end of the day . She of course denied having anything to do with the electricity , but as I went around the corner and brought my car around , I saw her outside the store talking on the phone , with a little grin on her face . Todd helped me pack that night . He reminded me that I had every right to stay , but the stress of it all was giving me heart palpitations . Todd 's friend Harlan had to give me a shot of whiskey or something to calm me down . That was a shitty night . I remember I had to finish packing in the dark . It rained , and I was desperate to settle down . I did not want to depend on the few friends I had made here . I didn 't want to wear out my welcome with Todd and almost gave a really shady guy money to rent a room . Todd told me to calm down . He opened his doors to me and asked me to wait at least the weekend to make a better decision . With him , I was safe . Living with Tati 23 I reminded her that I was working in White Plains at the time , and couldn 't add more time to my commute . Tati lived closer to Manhattan and further from White Plains . I also couldn 't afford to pay her half of the $ 1 , 200 that she was paying for that apartment . I was only there because I wasn 't able to pay Madeline . I didn 't mention that when she first wanted the apartment , she wanted to share it with some dude she kept calling her older brother , even though I 'm sure , that 1 . Tati does not have any older brothers and 2 . I 'm the oldest cousin . Still , I had tried to make the situation with Madeline work . If I hate being alone , I hate instability more . Madeline and I may have not seen eye to eye , the area may have been poor as shit , but I had a roof over my head and I was around people who recognized me . That mattered to me more . When I spoke to my mother , she was glad that Tati had offered me to live with her , but gave me her usual warning : do not trust Tati . Do not let your guard down and get comfortable . Get on your feet and get the hell out of there as soon as you can . I understood but I had nowhere else to go , and I didn 't think , for a second , that she 'd betray me the way she did . A day or so after arriving at Tati 's , Madeline sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to work that night . " Work " , of course , meant me driving us both to the bar . I told her no . Driving from Tati 's , to pick her up to then turn back around to drive to Brooklyn would 've added 40 minutes to my commute each way . That was assuming she 'd be ready on time . I also didn 't want to be part of that life anymore , and considering Madeline never once offered me gas , the choice was simple . Tati 's building was closer to what I associated with the Bronx . It didn 't smell like pee , but the steps were of worn marble that curved down in the middle , and each landing was small with multiple apartment doors . And there were firescapes . My bedroom window faced another building , which was quintessential Bronx . When I arrived at Tati 's , she had a legitimate stripper with an infant son living in her bedroom . Tati had moved her things into what was the living room area , which had been converted into a second bedroom , and we shared the space . Except it was immediately clear that Tati was never home . She did spend the first night with me , slept on the floor of her own apartment even though she was the only one paying rent . Tati complained that the stripper had been living with her for months but had never once paid her rent . She took me out to dinner that week with her girlfriend Esther , and we caught up . I told her all about living with Madeline , and she continued that her home was always open to me and sounded surprised that I hadn 't reached out sooner . I told her about Madeline 's constant online stalking , that I knew she was living with someone else . In part , I hadn 't reached out because I was getting information that made me hesitate . Tati continued that she wished to live with me , not the stripper , and wanted the girl out . Three days later her wish came true . Tati asked the stripper when she planned to move out , and she left the same night , offended . We rejoiced . Once the stripper left , Tati moved back into her bedroom , and I turned the space into my own bedroom . Once Tati had her room back , she once again left with her friends for the night . I realized , very quickly , that even with her own space Tati was never home . I can count on both hands the nights she spent there in the time I lived with her . We were right off the subway exit to Jackson Ave , however , so it became clearer that taking the train was smarter . At first , I resisted . I didn 't have that much money to spare , so when I had to go downtown to NYPD headquarters to get finger printed for a job a few weeks later , it was either spend the little money I had in the bank to get a Metro Card and take the train into the city , or drive the car that already had gas in it . I drove , and I got a ticket because I had no idea that there were certain areas of Manhattan that do not allow civilian parking . However , having a car was becoming more of a burden . I suffered a flat tire after I pinched it on the sidewalk parking , and had to learn how to change the spare pretty much on the spot . I decided , finally , to drop off my car in Bridgeport with friends than keep it longer with me in the Bronx . The next couple of times I took the train . I had several job interviews that October , and every time I left , I stopped at Tati 's store and said goodbye . She introduced me to her co - workers as her cousin , and I mentioned that I was living with her . Tati didn 't like that , and scolded me not to tell people my business . I didn 't realize it was some sort of secret that I was living with her , and told her she should 've said something to me beforehand . She said that everytime she invited someone to live with her , her landlord / boss would raise the rent . One of her co - workers , however , was incredibly amused about us living together , and made some comment about los primos se esprimen . I got the hell out of there . Later that day texted Tati and told her that it was illegal for a landlord to raise the rent at will , and if he did , we could fight him on it . She replied that she already had a lease so it wasn 't a problem anymore . Out of my many interviews , I got a part - time job with Dance Manhattan within the week . They were looking for someone to work three days a week , and I still had dreams of writing freelance , and wanted the flexibility . I remember going to the interview , my first time in Chelsea , and realizing that there were other people looking to interview ahead of me . Sure that I wasn 't going to get the job , I hammed it up and made Farah laugh the entire time . They called me a week later . I told Tati almost immediately , and was elated . I got my first paycheck on the first of November . I spoke to Tati , asking her if she could give me the month of December to get my car in order and pay my multiple parking tickets , and starting January I would pay her half the rent . She agreed and said that was fine . Then I joked to please not to kick me out because it was getting cold . She replied that she would never do that to me . I was her cousin . One night , the cable was cut off . I texted Tati about it , and also told her I had made spaghetti . The next day while at work I received a series of text messages from Tati , telling me she knew about the cable and that she had decided to go live on her own because of her medical conditions and that she wanted to get her immigration papers together . I was beyond shocked and tried calling her several times . She didn 't respond , so I tried Esther , who I thought , honestly , was my friend too . I asked her to talk to Tati and point out that it was seriously fucked up to kick someone out over text . Esther replied that it was not her job to tell a grown woman how to behave . I demanded a conversation face to face . Tati replied that there was nothing I could do to change her mind . When I came home last night Tati and Esther were waiting for me . We argued . I reminded her that less than a week before , she had assured me that things were fine , that we had a deal that I would pay her rent starting January . She told me that she was giving me until January to get my own place , so why was I so upset ? I begged her to compromise with me . I begged her not to leave me behind . I told her I needed her . I only had a part - time job . I didn 't know New York as well as she did . I needed her . If she wanted to same money , we could find a smaller place together . She had left me with Madeline for this apartment in the first place , so why was she changing her mind again ? I tried to come up with any option that meant her staying with me . She wasn 't having any of it . And then we got into the topic of family . I had noticed since I started living with her that Tati had gotten into the habit of claiming that her family had left her behind , that she was all alone in the world , which was the furthest thing from the truth , and I called her out on it multiple times . She constantly mentioned that it was my grandmother 's fault her immigration papers were not in order , and I asked her to please let the woman rest in peace already . You lived with me , I said to her . You 're the one who left . La que se fue fuistes tu ! You 're the one who changed her number so much we couldn 't keep track . And then she repeated a lie so nasty about my grandfather that we fought over it . It was nasty . After they left I called everyone I knew . I told my mom , my sister , Charmaine . No one was surprised . It 's what Tati does . She runs away and blames everyone else . And then a half an hour later I received a series of text messages from Esther telling me I had to be out the next morning . I had given Tati the ammunition to do what she had already planned . She gave the landlord the keys to the apartment and said I had to be out . I told Esther they couldn 't do that . I had legal rights , and I had already lived in that apartment for over a month . If Tati tried to forcibly move me out of the apartment , I could have her arrested . It seemed I was safe for a couple of days . I apologized to Tati for what I said the next morning , and tried to get her to reason with me . I wasn 't , and still am not sorry for hitting her . But it didn 't matter . Tati was never going to forgive me . Yo la offendi . A couple of days later I came home , and Tati , Esther and Amanda were all there . Tati refused to even look at me . I just went to my room . As they were leaving Esther politely handed me a letter . Because sharing milk bottles and a last name don 't count . Still , I was willing to sign , except I had just gotten a legal transcription job , and didn 't want anything on paper that implied I had committed a crime , and told Esther so . She reassured me that the letter would not go into effect unless I didn 't comply , but that wasn 't good enough . I tried to reason with her to take that paragraph out , told her that I had nowhere to go , that I just wanted for Tati to talk to me directly without hiding behind her cell phone and her friends . And that 's when I shut down . I sent Esther a last message to send all further communications to my lawyer . The next morning I received a very well written text from Tati that had been clearly drafted by Esther , telling me she 'd take the paragraph out because she didn 't want to sabotage my job . I referred her to Todd as well . That was the last time she communicated with me directly . I was alone once again . If this reads as rushed , and angry , it 's because it is . This post took me weeks to get out . I regret , wholeheartedly that we fought . But I believed in her . I made plans with her . I ignored my mother for her . Instead , Tatiana Obaez betrayed me . She left me alone in a city of strangers and hid behind her vindictive bullshit and her friends to do it . She is dead to me . At Madeline 's bar in Brooklyn , I swear I saw the same woman , but of course she couldn 't have been . She had the same built , same tired face . Same white bucket full of flowers she was trying to sell . It was better than begging for change , but not by much . Dancing at the bar wasn 't nearly as profitable as I had hoped . It also took a serious toll on my psyche . I had to always be on guard for men who were looking for sexual favors or tried to manhandle me . One guy refused to dance with me unless I 'd let him feel on my ass so I walked away . Another guy offered me money for a blowjob . When I refused he asked if I 'd do it for free . This made it harder to make cash , among other things . I wasn 't there to be felt up and I don 't like beer , but I love to dance , and all I wanted was for someone to dance with me . But that was also a problem . If I danced , I would often find myself negotiating prices after the music was over , and more often than not the guys disagreed . And I couldn 't dance if the bar was empty , which kept happening more often than not . To cut corners , the owner lowered the nightly rate from $ 50 to $ 40 , $ 30 if we showed up past 11 PM . The difference was significant . Every dollar I made counted . I was driving from the Bronx to Brooklyn nightly , which was costing me about $ 20 in gas every two nights . I never had enough cash on hand to fill up the tank , and while I was driving both myself and Madeline , she never offered to spot me for gas , and I never asked . In the meantime I tried to ham it up at the bar as much as I could . I still owed Madeline rent for the month of September , and I hadn 't made any payments on my car . So I went all out . We had a lot to eat . I felt guilty that I couldn 't put more than $ 10 towards the food but the guys reassured me by reminding me that I drove . Still , Todd put down most of the money . I 'm a cuddler . The next day I was sick as a dog . I spent the entire day in bed , coughing until I ran out of breath and passing out . When I still didn 't feel well a day later , I actually felt worse , I called Todd and asked him to bring me medicine . I couldn 't even afford NyQuil . I remember begging Madeline over text to make me oatmeal . I couldn 't even get up to make myself a bowl of cereal . She refused , said we were out of sugar , but I went to the kitchen later that night and saw quickly that it wasn 't true . Still , when it came to going back to the bar , I got dressed , I grabbed a large scarf and I drove , and I sat in a booth with my cell phone charging and waited until 4 AM until I could go home again , all for $ 40 . I accrued all the cash I had left , after food and paying for gas every couple of nights , and I made my car payment . This , I 'm sure , made Madeline mad . I still owed her rent for September , and I think she half expected me to give her the cash . But my car was more important . It was what was getting us to Brooklyn every night , and we argued about it . I pointed out that she wasn 't making any money either , that I was still filling out job applications during the days . I pointed out how sick I had been the last couple of days but I still went with her . Still , this wasn 't enough . Towards the end of September , she started letting a blind man , a friend of the family , stay with us in the apartment , albeit in the boys room . His daughter would spend most days in the apartment and Madeline asked her to help the kids with their homework instead of me . The writing was on the wall . Two days before the month ended Madeline told me I had to leave because Housing was going to inspect the apartment . I recognized the lie , but said nothing . Instead I made a few calls . Tati was the first to respond and invited me to live with her . Since I no longer had to drive to White Plains everyday , I could live with Tati without issue . That night , I packed my bags while Madeline argued over the phone with her ex . The kids were being rowdy and misbehaved . It was embarrassing for him , especially when his new wife 's children could follow direction the first time . Madeline 's kids were rowdy and immature in comparison . I listened while Madeline cried . Up until then I had hoped that Madeline and I could become friends . During the long drives to Brooklyn I tried to bond with her and asked about her oldest daughter , the one she never liked to talk about . It didn 't matter . I was a means to an end . When I left , it was the kids who helped Awake All September 03 A few days later Madeline returned from her vacation . She asked for money nearly every day . She messaged me on Facebook most often , but sometimes she 'd call the house or my cell phone . I remember times I would sit down to my computer and post something on Facebook , and within minutes the house phone would start to ring from a blocked number . I couldn 't pay her , so I tried to do the next best thing . I tried to earn my keep . In preparation for her arrival I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom . I cleaned the inside of the stove , which I had found was full of mice feces . I washed her bed sheets since she had given me permission to sleep on her room , and I offered to make her something to eat for her arrival . My mother and grandmother used to travel a lot , and whenever they arrived somewhere , all they asked was to be greeted with warm , homemade soup . It was a great cure for jet lag and that weird nausea you get after traveling . Madeline declined the offer . After her arrival , I gave Madeline a good overview of everything I had cleaned in the apartment . I showed her the kitchen and what the exterminator did , but she quickly stated that it didn 't matter , that the cabinets were old and the roaches would return . I gave her a look . The age of the cabinets didn 't mean anything . The exterminator had gotten rid of the infestation and I personally captured over a dozen mice . There was no reason why the infestation would return if she was vigilant . But that was the problem : she was more concerned with having her excuse ready than actually paying attention to what I was telling her . Within a couple of days Madeline made call to have the refrigerator replaced , something I had serious reservations about . Madeline constantly reminded me that the Housing Authority could not find out I was living there , and I had already made several calls for her . But she wouldn 't take no for an answer , and literally barged into my room with the phone in her hand , and had me say I was her sister ( not true ) and that she needed the refrigerator replaced because the kids medicine was in there ( also not true ) . The refrigerator did need replacing . Two different people had come to fix it at least five different times and it still kept crapping out . The Housing people resisted and kept telling me that it would be replaced by an used refrigerator anyways , but it wasn 't until I calWe met and I introduced myself . As we talked she asked me what kind of work I did . I brought my laptop out and began to show her what kind of work I did marketing , and she asked me if I could write legal letters , and I said yes . Then she asked if I could write a letter for her so she could confront her doctor , because even though he had told her that her stomach would be flat after her surgery , she wasn 't really ' flat ' . I asked her to send me an email with all the details : who , what , when , how , everything , but she never emailed me . She just wanted to talk about her surgery . The moment Madeline arrived , I told her about the bar . Up until then I honestly thought that Madeline was a stripper . When I told her my story , she asked why I didn 't come to her bar in Brooklyn instead . I told her I didn 't want to take my clothes off . Then she clarified that she wasn 't a stripper , but danced in a bar in Brooklyn , which paid more . It would be $ 50 per night , plus drinks , and $ 2 per dance , more than I was making at the other night . Madeline explained that they also had bouncers at her bar , and the men were not allowed to get fresh . When her sister came to visit , Madeline invited her to come along as well . We all agreed to go together the next night . But the next day came and there was no word from the sister . Not a whisper . She had assumed that because she had a car that we expected her to drive . We decided to get dressed and leave without the sister . I was happy to drive . And to flaunt ma boobs . The drive to Brooklyn was nearly an hour . We arrived late , and the men spent the majority of the night watching a paid fight on the projection screen . I still managed to get the attention of the entire bar by standing in front of the projection screen by mistake within five minutes of my arrival . After the fight ended sometime after 1 AM , I danced a little , one guy kept dancing with me but when I charged him , he put on a face . He gave me what he could and still left owing me money . I looked around . Even though the bar was full and loud , I noticed some of the man falling asleep on the edge of the dance floor . It was later that Tati explained to me that those men were high on heroin . They were getting high in crowded spaces just in case of overdose . The night ended at 4 AM . Madeline took her sweet time wrapping up with a customer , and we didn 't leave until an hour later . I spent a chunk of the night hanging out at the bar and talking to people . We got home at dawn and picked up breakfast sandwiches for the kids . I was exhausted . The next week , we would do it all again .