my school . This was dealt with privately and nothing more was said . After R * married , things in his private life went from bad to worse and he was love of The Beatles , picked Daisies and occasionally had a quick cuddle . It was all very innocent ; nothing as dangerous as our parents thought . RR * 's bereft . I packed my bags and went to my half - brother R * s flat . During my stay , he propositioned me . I left and went back home . Once back My mother and father were never married . She told me that my father was a musician , who would come to town with his band and they would see each other . She said this went on for a couple of years , until she got pregnant . The problem is that her stories do not jibe . She has slipped did not know my father 's family , I believe I am the daughter of her long time boyfriend . His family is local and she did not want me to know them , so she pulled the other man out of a hat . Then she began telling me stories about his My mother met the man that I have known as " Dad " my whole life , when I was an infant . They married when I was six years old , after my brother was born and before my sister was born . My life was okay , as far as I knew , until that year . We lived in a nice house , we had plenty of food to eat and I was not afraid . I remember my father having helmet . He broke both of his arms and had asphalt embedded in much of his body . She yelled and nagged him constantly while digging the asphalt out of his body . He became very depressed and started drinking We had to move out of our nice house . My mother was a waitress and worked all the time . My father was the one to stay with my brother and I , but he was drunk and stoned all the time . I had a contact high for much of my childhood . I have always had a very literal mind , so that coupled with being stoned , was not good and his buddies drink , smoke and pass around women . I learned what guys do and not to trust them . I did not know what sex was , but I had been screaming at my father about this , and him telling her she was crazy . She was insecure and making things up . She hated this woman they worked with , because he was all over the woman all the time . This woman wasn 't the only one , but she was the one my mother saw all the time , since they worked together . My brother and I spent a lot of time at this woman 's house , playing with her daughter , while she and our dad were kissing on the bed . Again didn 't know what sex was , but I never saw my mother and father doing that . He did it with those other women all the time . I only saw my mom yelling at my dad and him telling her she was crazy . to make her shut up , so I can 't imagine being married to her . This is what I grew up seeing in marriage , how I saw men behaving , how they treated women . Yes , I have severe trust issues and am working on them . During this time , my mother got pregnant . My father wanted her to get an abortion . Yes , I remember this fight very clearly . He wanted a divorce and she refused to abort Ashely . The other woman was pregnant , and she went to the same doctor as my mother . He denied this until my sister and the other girl were legally adults . Ashley was my first baby . Why ? My mother worked all the time and my father / babysitter was an addict , so I fed my little sister and changed her . All the things an adult should have been doing , I did when I was seven years old . I resented her so badly , and we hated each other until we were both adults and she had her first child . condemned house , being neglected and constantly fighting . My brother and I went to a neighbor 's house , because we were starving . She gave us a package of those cookies with the marshmallow , covered with chocolate , and we ate the whole package . To this day I cannot stand those cookies , although they were heaven - sent that day . My father was in a band with this woman 's husband and we went to the house for jam sessions , so she knew us and the way we lived . The one thing my father gave me was a love of music , but I swore I would never marry a musician because of him . Now I know that being a musician wasn 't the reason he was a bad father . we lived out in the middle of nowhere . We never had any company , so when someone came out to see us , it was a big deal . Guess who ? Yes , Jehovah 's Witnesses knocked on the door . We were hiding and I was wondering , ' Who is it ? ' The only Jehovah 's Witness allowed in the house was my grandma , because my father hated them . At this time , my mother was not working and my father would disappear for weeks at a time . We were starving and had no way of getting food . Then Grandma showed up , with groceries . This happened a few times and she would study with my mother when she came . My cousin would come with her sometimes . All years older than me . That 's when I learned about sex , although I still didn 't know what it was . My cousin began molesting my brother first . She said it was a game and that she was just tickling him . So I played along . We told my mother and Grandma , because my brother didn 't like it . A nine - year - old and a seven - year - old telling about tickling was pushed aside by adults , so it continued . frequent and my cousin 's attention turned to me . I was extremely shy and self - conscious and was constantly made fun of by my aunt and cousins , because they claimed that I was prissy . Now I was always dirty , so I had no issues with that . I wouldn 't climb trees or go through barbed wire fences and I hated snakes . I didn 't do the things that normal kids do , because my childhood was anything but normal . I thought something was wrong with me , so I learned to either fake it , or blend in , figuring that if no one noticed I was there , they couldn 't pick on me . I became very good at being invisible . and fat and stupid . I would cry and hide . Eventually , I made friends with some other girls at the Hall , although my mother didn 't like them . My new friends didn 't make fun of me and they had all kinds of stuff we didn 't have . . . . like a television and a radio and their mother let me wear makeup . They lived in town , so we got to go to the park and we had so much fun . I hated going home and my mother would nag and yell at me worse , because I was not home to cook and clean and take care of my brother and sister . But I was having a bad attitude , and it was all the fault of these girls and their family for making me see what fun could be had by a twelve - year - old . My mother didn 't have any friends and she still doesn 't . If someone does not do exactly as she wants she cuts them off . I met a new friend at the Kingdom Hall , when we were nine years old and we became best friends by the time we were fourteen years old . She taught me how to be a friend and I love this woman with all of my heart . She is the only person in my life that knows me , the one person that taught me unconditional love . Even though I am what I am , and she does not approve of my life , she understands and we love each other anyway . She was also the child of an addict and was molested . We have so much in common , including crazy mothers . We were each others rock . mother would cry every time she heard me , but she never came to any of my shows . I had several solos . I wanted her approval so badly and the only way to get it was to be exactly what she wanted . My new friend and I were in a talent show , though no one had heard me sing because I was shy . When we got up there and belted out " Colors of the Wind , " people were going up to my mother , and saying , " You should be so proud she has a wonderful talent ! " My mother said she had no idea that I could do that ! ( Yeah , because she had a fit every time . ) special section of the assembly hall , so the brother could talk directly to us . That day I met a boy my age that was nice to me ! I was so excited , because I had made another friend . We talked and walked around the assembly hall together that day , and I had the brilliant idea to introduce him to my mother . Oh ! My ! God ! She came unhinged , accusing me of having sex with this boy , saying that I was a dirty slut . She screamed at both of us , I was devastated . My grandmother told me that my mother only wanted to protect me , because she loved me . ABUSE AND DISTRUST = LOVE ? I never spoke to a boy again in front of my mother . I would actually get sick and my hands would get clammy and sweaty and I would feel like vomiting if a guy talked to me , because I believed that all they want is sex , so I had was perfect in the eyes of my mother and the congregation . I was baptized at thirteen years of age , regular in field service ( going door - to - door ) , and I gave talks for the ministry school . Commenting , during the Watchtower study was always an issue for me . Again , becoming invisible came in handy . I was made fun of for my comments all the local congregation made a group trip to Bethel , where the Watchtower Society Headquarters in Brooklyn is , each year to visit their son . They rented a bus and my best friend and I saved all year to go . It was our first vacation and without young boy , but I had no idea that he was only fourteen years old , whereas I was already eighteen . Again , we just listened to music , laughed and had fun . We sat by each other on the bus . Lots of the young ones on the bus were doing the I loved our new congregation . There were a lot of single mothers in it , so my mother made some friends , finally . There were also a few really cute boys , but I could only admire them from afar . I met my pioneer partner , a girl I had hated throughout most of my childhood , because she lived a double life and was a snob . She was also one of the cool kids so I wanted in her group . We would sing and dance , and when I learned that witnesses could dance , I freaked got invited to a congregation dance . It was the best , but of course , my mother complained because it reminded her of her worldly days . UGH ! I loved hip hop and the 90 's were the best . My popularity was growing ; I was the perfect pioneer sister , never dated , and I was serious . My friends would go to parties and make out and do everything but have intercourse , but not me . A year after I graduated , I met a single brother at the basketball court . The young men in the congregation played basketball every Sunday , so it was a great place for the sisters to gather and hunt for prospective mates . I noticed him , but I wasn 't attracted at all . He kept trying to talk to me and I blew him off . My brother was with me and those that didn 't know us always thought my brother was my boyfriend , because we look nothing alike . A friend gave the single brother my phone number and he phoned me a lot . He begged and I gave in . He was bad news and I was warned , but I was tired of not having anyone . My friend liked him and we had been through this before . She was skeletal skinny and the boys loved her . I had such a great body and thought I was fat . The boys treated me like a sister . I was the buddy , the one My friend wanted him so badly , but he wanted me , so I went out with him and my brother and best friend chaperoned us . They hated him , and rightfully so . I could not see it , because I was just so happy someone liked me . He kissed me that night , in the back of my brother 's car , a real kiss . When lost my virginity , on the living room floor of my mother 's house . After that , we had sex on just about every surface of that house every chance we had . I was always accused of being a slut , so I might as well marry him , because he was a jerk , but I had sex so I figured it would be better to marry him , rather that go to the elders and get disfellowshipped . I had a miserable life with him . He was a loser , didn 't work , smoked pot , took methamphetamines , drank constantly , and I had so many " Sexually - Transmitted Diseases ( STD 's ) ! Of course , he claimed that he was not cheating on me , that the STD 's must have been dormant on his body , until he started having sex with me . His friend and wife lived with us for the first several months of our marriage and his friend would sit with my husband and watch porn and play video games . I would dress up and try to get my husband 's attention , but he turned me down all the time . I was not exciting like the women in porn , because I knew nothing except what he taught me about sex , so I was no fun . I was devastated , and again , I believed there was something wrong with me . husband 's cousin moved in with us after his friend moved out . I did not like him . He was creepy . It was during this time that my husband decided he wanted anal sex . I had never said no to sex . I gave him oral sex and tried every position he wanted . I was willing to learn , although I did not enjoy sex , because it was all about him . So when he got drunk and proceeded to shove himself into me , I was terrified . It was the most painful and terrifying experience of my life . I screamed and cried and begged him to stop . When he finally did , he yelled at me , that I was not a real it again , the same way . The next day I went to him , crying and begged him to never do that to me again . I told him how much pain I was in , and he New York ) , but chose not to go . He was one of the few educated young people , since we were not allowed to go to college , and he was very smart and talented . He could have been a great provider , but that was too much for him . I worked or we borrowed money from my mother , or his parents . One year into our marriage , I had to get another doctor 's exam , so I could renew my birth control . He wanted a baby , but I was not ready and didn 't want to baby to my miserable life . Additionally , because of the sex , drinking and I smoked marijuana a few times , we were inactive . I was in constant fear of Armageddon and I was a mess . No one knew what I had done . My husband would not let me talk to the elders and kept me away from my family and friends . My mother offered to get me the birth control shot , but being the submissive wife , I felt that would be wrong . Fourteen months into a miserable marriage , I got pregnant . He was happy and I thought maybe things would be better . I was so wrong , because while going to the doctor for pregnancy , the doctor discovered that I had pre - cancer cells on my cervix . All the STD 's and other women he was with had damaged me . During that time , for threatening to kill some brothers that had told me he was cheating on me . I had to be part of those meetings , because I was the one he told that he was going to kill those guys . He went on a double date with his cousin and two single sisters , known for their attention to men . Then he went that he got disfellowshipped , and he never forgave me . He said that I was a bad girl and was pulling the wool over everyone 's eyes . He went to the elders and my mother telling them what I had wanted to do . He wanted me to be disfellowshipped also and when I got reproof instead , he was infuriated . When that was dropped after only three months , he became even worse and claimed that I had special treatment because I am white and a woman . I was so sorry for what I had done . I just wanted to be happy again . We went back together before our daughter was born . I was determined that my child would know her father . was out in service with my mother one day . After I came home and talked to the mailman , I heard a crash on the floor , in the house , our bedroom window was right there by the front door . Out came my husband with two of the women that lived next door . They just smiled at me , as I was standing there , huge , pregnant . Obviously , he was having a threesome in my bed . A few days later a girl knocked on my door . When I answered the door and she looked at me , she ran away . I found out later she was a cousin of the guys he was running methamphetamines with and that she was a prostitute with AIDS and he was having sex with her , unprotected . I found this out several months after my daughter was born . Then I had a procedure to freeze my cervix and kill all the bad cells after my baby was born . I left him six weeks after my baby was born . I found his drug stash . I knew that he owed money to some of the worst dealers in town , they kept driving by the house looking for him . I was living in a house with no phone , no electricity , no water , or food . The car was repossessed and the landlord notified us that we would be evicted soon , if the rent was not paid . up , I left with the clothes on my back and a bag of clothes and other things for her . I hid out at the home of an elder , for two weeks , so my husband could not find me . He was making threats to me the whole time . After that I got a job and started putting my life together . People came out of the woodwork telling me things about my husband . I had enough on him to get him arrested , if he harrassed me . It was during this time that I learned about the woman with AIDS . I I don 't remember much about the first few years of my daughter 's life . I was having panic attacks constantly , I could not function , so I was just living , existing for those years . I would go to the meetings and cry . I was a mess . That 's when I met another new friend , a single brother . I had no interest in being with anyone and he drove me nuts . The congregation thought we were secretly a couple , although I didn 't qualify for remarriage , because I was still married and had no proof that my husband was cheating on me . I was told because of my below average looks , my weight and the fact that I had a bi - racial child that was very spirited , my chances of finding a mate were slim to none , and that I should jump on this single brother while I had the chance . So , I was very mean to him . I didn 't want anyone to say anything about him to me , because I couldn 't be his friend without the rumor mill trying to fix us up . eight years , going to meetings regularly , out in field service as much as I could , but I was a single mother , working 12 - hour days . I was always exhausted . I was not good enough , ever . they dated for a few months . I was their chaperone , but he did not and still does not like me . The feeling is mutual . He is a jerk and keeps her mother , who , despite the relationship we had , was my only support , while I was losing my mind during those years , but now I was doing well . My mother had raised her children and was ready to have her own life . I was happy for her . She had been single for twenty - one years and finally it was going to happen for her . He was willing to take care of her , so she didn 't have to work At this point the congregation was concerned for me , because I was a twenty - seven - year - old , single parent and needed a husband . I had no desire to be married and go through that horror again . Over and over , I heard , that it was unusual what I went through and that it would not happen again . They said I was too young to be single . Although , I was befriending a brother my age at the Kingdom Hall , that was not tolerable to them . He was not good , and according to my mother , I was not pretty enough for him . He would never like a woman like me . So we were friends and we would laugh and flirt with each other . We were not interested in having anything but a friendship , but the congregation would not butt out so we stayed away from each other . My step - father had a friend that was single . He was a good man that would take care of me and my daughter . The best part was that he lived 700 miles away from my mom . I started talking to him and he seemed like a good guy . I talked to his mother and we got along . I met him and felt I could respect him , so we made plans to get married . Again , I did not want to get married , but he offered me the chance to be a homemaker , and mother . I could actually be a mom instead of having to work all the time . I took the chance , married and moved to Colorado . good for about six months . He had several physical issues and was in chronic pain . He also was diabetic and had high blood pressure . He was eleven years older than me . He was a good man , but the medication and health issues made him very angry and caused us lots of trouble . Oxycodone makes people violent and he was taking it . He was physically abusive to my daughter , although he hid it for several months . I knew something was wrong , but couldn 't figure it out on workman 's compensation and I was working full - time again . One day I came home from work and my daughter was behaving worse than ever . She was afraid all and he was too hard on her . He told me that I was the reason she was a brat and I believed him . Our agreement was that he would not discipline her , if I was not present . He was beating her constantly . the kitchen , I forced her to pull her pants off so I could see what he had done . She was shaking and crying . She didn 't want to tell me , because he said it would get worse , if she did . What I saw set me into a fury like I have never known . She was bruised from her back to her knees , fresh ones and old ones . I am 5 ' 4 " and weighed about 275 pounds , at the time . He is 6 ' 5 " and weighed 380 pounds , so I did not hurt him , but I punched him with all my He barely spoke to me after that and she became his princess . I wanted to take her to the police , but she didn 't want to go , because she didn 't want to be naked in front of strangers . Also , I didn 't want to bring reproach on Jehovah . I will never stop regretting that decision . He never laid a hand on her again . I told the elders about it and nothing was done . I just got a shoulder shrug and well you made your bed . That was the beginning of the end . I knew he was house that fit our budget and we agreed to rent his house out so we could afford it . It was 4 - bedrooms and had a wheel chair ramp . In my mind , it was perfect , because he could get around in a wheel chair , when the time came . I could have my own bedroom , and be able to sleep , and there was an extra room for an office , so I could work from home and be there to take care of him . My daughter and I could go to the basement , which was nice , and have our space away from him , when he was in his moods . I was so happy that we were finally being blessed . I spent several days cleaning and painting , making sure the house was ready . looked me in the eye and said " I don 't love you . I don 't want to be married to you anymore " . I was so shocked that I asked him to repeat himself several times . I was exhausted , hurt and furious again . I could have gone back home to my family , but now I was stuck with a house , that I bought for us . That I could not afford on my income alone . I moved in , decorated with him in mind , thinking he would change I couldn 't pay the bills on my own , so I found two single sisters from the congregation to move in . Only one of them did and she was a nightmare . I went to the elders about her and got nothing , but after six months , she moved back out , and I was so happy . Even though we had nothing , it was better than that . She spread all kinds of rumors about me and my daughter around the Kingdom Hall and of course , I became inactive , because I was just tired of the hypocrisy and I was embarrassed to go out in field service . The things people would say and do , and during bible studies I went on , someone would be opening up about a loss or how their life was a mess and the conductor would be so cold . The brothers giving talks would be so hateful about homosexuality , when there were gay people in the audience . New The assembly about conscience changed my life . I sat there and listened to several talks both days . Hearing over and over , if the only reason you do not commit sin , is because of your conscience or because it would make Jehovah mad , you are not doing it for the right reasons . You have to hate sin and have no desire for it . Then in the next breath , we would be told that we are imperfect , but Jehovah loves us anyway . I felt again , as I had all my life , that the sacrifice I made was useless . Why did I cry myself to sleep all those nights . . . . because I wanted someone to love me ? Why did I give up sex and masturbating , and ignore my needs , when my body wanted it so out of love and respect for his laws . I couldn 't talk to anyone about how I felt , because being uncontrollably horny was a sin and there was something wrong with me for wanting it so badly . I would be labeled a After that , my husband went into the hospital . He had been diagnosed with dementia . He was very sick and needed care , I was informed that I would be responsible for his medical bills and his family wanted us to get divorced , to save me from that . I went to the elders , and told them about it . Not to ask permission , but to let them know what I would be doing . I was told that I could not divorce him . We had been separated almost four years and he was not taking care of me , but I could not divorce him ? That would leave me open to sin and they said it would be too much of a temptation . Really ? If I lasted that long , what was a piece divorce was final last May and I started dating in June . Until that time I had only been intimate with and kissed the two men I had been married to and had never enjoyed sex . I have had more experience with it now and I know that I am capable of enjoying it , but I need to be loved to really enjoy it . Otherwise , it means nothing . I finally know how I want to be I just found out that my first husband was reinstated , while he was in prison . He has never supported our daughter . I am furious that he can be part of the congregation again and has not earned it . He will do the same things again . But it 's not my problem . I am a survivor . I have picked myself up from nothing several times and LATEST UPDATE : ( see original story below ) I am sitting here pondering the last few weeks . Things have been pretty crazy and testing my strength . I 've had a lot on my mind I haven 't talked about until now . Those in my life know the tragic upbringing myself and my siblings had . I thought having Larry Vogl being released from prison would be the hardest thing I 'd have to go through . NO I was way off . I have had a difficult relationship with my mom for years . I 've tried and tried to be the daughter she needed . I have known some things that have transpired since Larry 's release that have changed everything for me . My mother , Marla Milligan has reconnected with Larry . She has spent time with him . Hooked up his utilities in her name . He has been to her house and had dinner . She and her current husband are all friends . He has been in her home and seen all of the pictures of all of us and the grandkids . The thought of that makes me sick . Her actions are the worst betrayal of all . It shows that she knew all along what he was doing and just didn 't care . She always called him " her favorite husband " , he was good to her just not her kids . She thinks he had been persecuted enough . I 've spoken with his parole officer and the district attorney 's office , they know my concerns and are on top of it . I ended their little reunion . He isn 't suppose to see either one of them or go to the Kingdom Hall . He 's being monitored and any infraction he is back in custody . For me this was my breaking point . She will never be the mother I have always needed . She is now dead to me . This was a final betrayal against her children . I will never allow her to hurt me any longer . I 'm no longer her victim I am a survivor of the reality she created for all of us . For 23 years she has denied knowing what he did and played the victim . To every person that was here she 's betrayed them . She has never been the victim , she was a perpetrator . She sacrificed her children for a man who did unimaginable things to all of us . We have never been important enough for her . l will always fight for the innocent . I will always protect those who can 't protect themselves . I see the pain all of my siblings have gone through and the daily struggle for some of them . If I could take away their pain I would . I am strong and will always fight for justice for those forgotten . To all my friends and family around the world , thank you for being on all of your posts . I see the amazing mothers in my life and I am blessed to see so much love and compassion that you have for your kids . I have three amazing kids in my life . I know what the love between a child and mother should be . I would move heaven and earth for them . I will never let them suffer the way I did . Thanks for listening . My next step is to move on . I will appreciate every day and experience life to the fullest , letting nothing get me down . UPDATE ! ( Posted in group , July 19 , 2014 by Bill Pavloff ) Because of Shannon 's This week has been a rough one . The man who abused me and my family was released from prison Sunday . He was released as a transient in Fortuna . For the past twenty - three years , I have dreaded this day . The thing that has pissed me off worse was my mother giving information about it to the Eureka elders , so they could watch out for him ! WHAT ? ? ! ! ! Twenty - three years too phucking late ! She knew and did nothing ; the elders knew and did nothing . Now someone is concerned ? Here 's the best part . He was never disfellowshipped . That 's right ! He 's in " good standing " and has always had " Jehovah on his side . " Forget the victims . As soon as there is a current photo on Megan 's law , we will make flyers . I do have a restraining order for my home and work . Since I work in Fortuna , I could run into him anywhere . Honestly , I am a bit freaked out inside . I am trying to get a hold on my panic attacks , which I hide from everyone . I want to be stronger , but that little girl getting beat with a hammer is still crying out inside me . This man abused us in every way and I have to fight so no one else has to suffer . Everyone will be warned about him and the cult that protected him . I always heard that " Jehovah would make things right and punish those who harm little children . " Bull Shit ! We are responsible for ourselves . I am making it my mission to warn everyone I can . Thank you for always being there for me . You are all truly my family . Much love and appreciation to was born into the cult called the Watchtower Society of Jehovah 's Witnesses . I have four siblings , who may not appreciate or agree with my views . I am originally from Ukiah , California . When my mom and biological dad moved to where " the need was great " ( Society lingo for , " We 're not getting any money from this area . " ) I was five years old . We ended up in Lemon , South Dakota . There were very few publishers ( what the Governing Body calls active Jehovah 's Witnesses ) , and my mom 's brother was the only elder . My father left us high and dry , abandoning us . Within months of my mom gaining a scriptural divorce she was introduced to a brother . Remember the saying that went , " Who , in their right mind , would marry a woman with five children ! " Well , she found him , Larry Vogl . Once they were married , everything changed . Larry began beating us . Yes , I chose the word " beating . " If something went missing or we did anything wrong , he would beat us with 2 x 4 's , belts , hangers and his fists , just to mention a few of his tools . My mom did nothing to stop this behavior , nor did she tell her brother , the elder . My reoccurring nightmare began when I was about seven years of age and in the bathtub . I did not hear Larry say to be quiet . He came into the bathroom and beat me with a hammer . My mom did nothing . He abused us regularly . We were good kids . I would make me change it to what he felt I had done . I was in service from morning until night whenever we were out of school . Though it 's difficult to imagine , things got worse after we moved to Fortuna , California . Shortly after our move , Larry started sexually abusing us . My mom has always maintained she knew nothing . Even if I were to believe that , she didn 't protect us from the physical with guilt . I told him that either he went to the elders or I would . During this same time period , my mom had gone off to pioneer school which lasted for 2 weeks . We were left alone with Larry . The abuse was awful . I went to my mom and told her what was happening . She played the victim , saying she didn 't know anything was happening . She was depressed and in bed . Larry finally went to the elders . I remember it like it was yesterday . Each of us had to go into the back room to be questioned by a Judicial Committe of elders . When I entered , I was made to sit next to him . He then held my hand while I was questioned . I couldn 't understand . Why was he there ? I then realized they didn 't fault him . He was a well - liked Ministerial Servant with five unruly step - children . I lied through my teeth , knowing we were going home with him . I was told that I could be disfellowshipped for my participation . I was so confused . I was at fault and I had disappointed Jehovah . I was devastated . The outcome of our meeting with the Judicial Committee was that Larry was publicly reproved and removed from his position as Ministerial Servant . My mom was privately reproved . No one was to tell anyone . No authorities were to be notified . It was to be handled within the family . Something to point out is that the elders on the committee told their families and their children were not to associate with us or befriend us . I accepted what the elders said and what they did . I thought I should have been punished , as well . So continued the ongoing tragedies in our young lives . Larry continued to abuse us . He beat us for everything . Every time the elders would be called . They would come and pray with him . He would shed tears and all was blamed on us . He took the doors off of our rooms and off the bathroom . He would stare at us and we had no privacy . If he knew a brother was coming , he would return the doors to their original positions . He may not have touched us , but he still threatened us regularly . At one point , an elder and his family were on the phone . The line was not correctly disconnected , which allowed them to hear us being beaten . That elder never came over to help . Finally , the abuse was reported by my little sister 's counselor at school . I know my mom called her and told her knowing she would report it . He was arrested . I was a senior in high school . He worked for the city so it made the news . Shortly after being arrested there was a committee meeting called . We spent eight hours being questioned as to who reported Larry . There was no concern for us . I expressed to the elders that we had all lied during the last meeting because we were scared of him . They refused to hear it . They said the previous case would not be opened back up and that the current situation was no longer in their hands , but would be handled by the Judicial Committee in Crescent City where he was being placed at Pelican Bay Prison . The authorities wanted to charge the brothers for hiding the abuse . As we headed into court we would see other brothers in the court room . They took notes and approached us later at the kingdom hall , telling us we were liars and how this poor man has suffered . No help from the elders . The case against Larry resulted in over 20 charges of sexual molestation against myself and my youngest sister . He was sentenced to 23 years . Once Larry was in prison , I expected to hear from the Judicial Committee of elders in Crescent City to discuss the fact that the abuse did not stop and that he had lied . Those elders did not want to hear from any of us . The committee was over . Larry Vogl was never disfellowshipped ; he went into prison as a brother in good standing . Of course , no one believed us and he was never punished . Instead , we were punished . We were told Jehovah will make it right . He will punish him , if he is lying . My mother had a horrible reputation which has followed me through my whole life . We were judged by what the adults raising us did . Once Larry went to prison , I continued to be a good witness , though my childhood reputation always followed me . When I moved to other halls a letter was sent warning them of me and my mother . I had a lot of issues that have never gone away . I have had to sit in assemblies and listen to experiences from the brothers in prison who are bringing the truth to the inmates . I know they are talking about him . I know that some brothers have always remained in contact with him . I know that no one has ever believed us . I went on with my life . I was married to another Jehovah 's Witness for twelve years . I have always tried to get past my mothers reputation , but I never did . I would cringe inside , knowing the years are passing . The final straw for me was when I spoke with an elder regarding Larry 's release . I was concerned he would be back in the same hall . I was told he will be welcome wherever he is , because he is a " brother " in " good standing " and I could tell no one what he had done . If I told anyone , I would lose my privileges . If it was on Megan 's Law and someone saw it they would then know . I could not fathom what was being said . He was still going to have all the rights ? I had been fighting to stay faithful and now I could warn no one ? SORRY , I am out ! I will tell everyone who will listen . I left that day . That was six years ago . My boyfriend is also an Ex - Jehovah 's Witness , who was disfellowshipped . He and I have known each other for over twenty - five years , so he knows my story and was there for some of it . Walking away with my boyfriend supporting me felt awesome . I thought that I could be happy and start a new chapter of my life . I woke up shortly after that in pain . The pain got worse and worse . After many doctors and tests , I was diagnosed with PTSD , Fibromyalgia and OCD . I was forced to quit working and spent the next four years in bed . I was on and off medications and gained weight from taking some of them , which led to my being diagnosed with diabetes . been to counselors and done everything to try and help myself . Sometimes I just don 't want to talk about it anymore . Why does it have to define my life ? Today , as I write this , I am scared . Larry is to be released July 4 , 2014 . I have successfully filed for a restraining order , since he is to be released right back into Humboldt County where he was arrested . I have so much support to help me canvas the area , including all Kingdom Halls in the area . I know he is not allowed in any church or allowed to go door to door . I will be there to make sure he doesn 't . I will do what none of the adults in my life have done . I will protect the innocent ones . He is going to be in his 80 's . Many think he 's too old to hurt anyone . No , he is a dirty , perverted old man , who will cause no more damage on my watch . I am getting better everyday . I still have issues with trust and many days don 't want to leave my house . I have a good support system in place . I am trying to go back to work , which will Just so you readers know . . . . I sometimes update and / or revise the contents of this letter . ( Last Revised on 12 / 0 6 / 2015 ) The Governi . . . This blog has been created for XJWs on Facebook , the world - wide web , and to educate Jehovah 's Witnesses ( JWs ) and the international public . The true stories of XJW survivors and former members of The Watchtower Society on Facebook , along with some of their disassociation letters , and links to shameful news articles about the pedophiles , who are being protected ( for the most part ) by the men who lead in the organization , while they continue to further traumatize the victims of these sexual predators in their midst . This blog was created on March 31 , 2014 . Even though our stories here are fraught with the horrible things we endured as Jehovah 's Witnesses , the following video by John Cedars shows exactly how we are today : This is true FREEDOM ! This blog isn 't about me , although you 'll see my story here , too . Why ? I wouldn 't ask anyone else to do what I would not do . This blog will be updated , as the stories come in . We 're pollinating the world with the truth about the survivors and the truth about " the truth " ( TTATT ) , so that everything which was hidden will be revealed . This blog is created to contain open letters for the Governing Body of the Watchtower Society of Jehovah 's Witnesses from those who have left . " Why ? " you may ask . Because those who have left or been excommunicated , disfellowshipped , disassociated , have had their voices and relationships with their families taken away from them because of the extreme and un - Christian shunning practices dictated by the Watchtower Society 's Governing Body against anyone who leaves for any reason . They 've even instructed their members to lie about it , whitewashing the lies by calling it " theocratic warfare " and there have been a number of suicides , directly resulting from this harmful practice . Shunning isn 't the only harmful practice the Watchtower Society engages in , as you will soon see , because we 'll be posting many more submitted stories of the survivors , which will include every harmful thing the Governing Body dictates for the Watchtower Society to teach and practice , every lie they 've spoken and / or published with links providing concrete evidence . View my complete profile