Everyone had or has imaginary friends ; what do yours tell you to do ? Well , I 'll tell you about my friends . Back in the 1980 's , I was living the worthless life of an abused child , one that society doesn 't care about . I was what they called poor white trash ; my father was nowhere around and my mother was a whore and drug addict . Every night she would bring different men into the house , hoping to score enough money for a hit , and most of the time she would sell me to them . I was raped , beaten and molested , but she didn 't care ; my innocence was making her rich . Instead of the men asking for her , they 'd asked for me . Yes , I tried to fight back , but the men were too strong for me . I called out for my mother , but she ignored my pleas ; she sat in the room and smoked her cocaine as the men had their way with me . She never came to check on me ; she didn 't know if I was alive or dead before she set up another john . I begged her not to sell me anymore , but she didn 't care , that cocaine was more important to her than I was . While the men were having their way with me ; I began to blackout and go into a world that I called my own . I had to step out of reality in order to keep the little bit of life I had left in me . When my mother saw that selling me was a great idea , the best thing that had ever happened to her , she continued to do it more and more . I tried to run away , but was always caught . My mother began to lock me in the old cellar ; it was damp and creepy , there was no light , no windows and every day was the same as night . I was afraid , I began to scream ; the dark frightened me so terribly that I would wet my pants . No matter how often I wanted to stop from going to the bathroom on myself , I couldn 't . The fear was so deep ; I could feel it in my bones . I begged my mother that I would do whatever she wanted , that I would be a good girl , but she never answered me ; she left me in the basement for days , weeks , months . The men would come down with a kerosene lamp and do their business with me . I got so sick of the abuse and the rapes that I began to talk to myself . I was trying to convince myself that it would be okay , that one day my mother would love me and make everything all right , but that day never came . I waited patiently ; I closed my eyes and prayed for a miracle , and yet the miracle never came , it was always ' in the works ' . I sat in the corner of the dark , damp cold cellar , crying my eyes out , wanting to be set free , wanting to be back upstairs with my mother . I was so afraid that I began to make up imaginary friends , a group of people that would love and protect me , a group of friends that would never let anything happen to me . As I sat there , the first friend I created was Johnny . He was a white guy with really blonde hair ; dressed like a cowboy and always toted a gun in each of his holsters . Johnny was a cool cat that always told jokes , very sarcastic ones , and smoked the hell out of some cigarettes ; he loved Marlboros . Even though it was dark , I could still see the creation of my friend in my mind , and I would stare into his blue eyes , like a damsel in distress , and hope that Johnny would save me . Then my little fantasy would be over , and I 'd come back to reality . But , when the memories of the rapes and abuse got to be too much for me to handle , I 'd make Johnny appear in my mind to help me , and then he 'd disappear . Until one day , or night , I never could tell because I was locked in the fucking cold dark cellar , sitting there fully awake , I began to smell cigarette smoke ! At first I thought I was still in my fantasy world , but I wasn 't ; I remembered waking myself from my fantasy . Then I got scared ; could Johnny really be alive ? Could I have the power to raise my thoughts from the dead ? Could my fantasy come to life ? Well , it did ! While sitting in the corner , I could feel the soft clouds of smoke grace my face , and from a distance I could see a red light in the background . I was afraid and began to move around in the dark , trying to make my imaginary friend go away . I covered my eyes with my hands ; when suddenly I felt a soft touch pull my hair . I was so afraid to turn around ; I kept my eyes closed and counted to ten , hoping that whatever I had created would go away . But it didn 't ; it came closer and closer , until I was forced to open my eyes . I screamed as I saw this figment of my imagination come to life . I screamed and screamed , but no one could hear me ; there was a party going on upstairs and the music was too loud . I screamed so much that I lost my voice , and Johnny just stood in the corner , smoking his cigarettes , laughing at me . But , I was in a state of shock ; I had just been fucking scared shitless because my imagination had come to life , and this shit was scary . It took hours for me to calm down , but when I did , Johnny was still standing in the corner , only this time he was playing with his gun , twirling and spinning it around his fingers like a toy . He glowed in the dark and I got a better look at his face ; he was perfect , just like I had created him , but his blue eyes glowed a faint red and that was disturbing . Nevertheless , I was happy to know that I had a friend to be with me and chase out the bad guys . Johnny pulled out a deck of old cards , I could tell that they had been used before , from the wear on the back of the cards , and in the light of his glow , we played go fish and memory match . Johnny always let me win ; he was the perfect man , he was the father I could only dream of having . He was also a great storyteller ; he told me of back in the old days how he used to rob banks and could outrun the sheriff of the town , and of days spent sleeping on the open range and getting run off the land by the owners . These stories , to me , were very comforting and relaxing . For the first time in months , I was able to fall off asleep without a care in the world ; for the first time I was not afraid to sleep alone , the cellar never frightened me anymore . Johnny was here to save me and protect me from all the evil men that had hurt me . I could see him pacing the floor at night , he was talking with someone , but I couldn 't see who that was . I didn 't care , I was happy to have peace of mind and my own bodyguard , but I was concerned that Johnny was talking to someone or something , and whatever it was , it was a heated conversation . All I could see were Johnny 's lips moving and he kept looking back over his shoulder at me . I overlooked his mischievous ways and began to drift off to sleep , for the first time in a long time I could close my eyes without the fear of finding a strange man on top of me . With Johnny there , I was completely safe , nothing could hurt me ever again . Johnny was my hero , he was always there , but seemed occupied , as if something else required his attention . But , I didn 't mind , as long as I got peace and quiet . The john pushed Johnny out of the way and headed toward me , groping my chest and private parts . Out of the blue , Johnny began to shoot his gun at the john over and over again ; it seemed like Johnny was never going to stop . Finally , I went over and prevented him from putting another bullet in the john . At first , I was a little terrified , but it served that john right ; I was young enough to be his daughter and he was paying my mother to sell me to him . From the glow off of Johnny , I could see the blood splatters all over the cellar walls , I could see the guy 's head full of bullet holes and his eyes rolled back and facing the heavens . For once in my life , I felt so powerful and unafraid . Johnny loved it too , he began to kiss and caress his gun ; then he took his old handkerchief and wiped the bloodstains off . Johnny wanted to do it again , he wanted to kill , he loved the idea of killing . I told him that we had to get to the top of the stairs and escape , but he seemed reluctant to go up there . I let him know that it would be all right ; then he confided in me that when grown ups are around ; kids tend to forget about their imaginary friends . Johnny just smiled , giving me a soft peck on the cheek and held my hands ; his eyes began to turn red again , and although it frightened me , I pretended it didn 't exist because I wanted him around , the first man in my life that never wanted anything from me . Johnny was the perfect gentleman and I was willing to overlook his faults . My gut was telling me that something was wrong , but for whatever reason , I ignored my gut feeling and began to enjoy the pleasure of revenge . Before we went upstairs , Johnny told me that we had to get at least four more friends . He let me know that I had the power to conjure up anything I wanted , and in order for me to be totally safe I had to kill all of those evil people upstairs , and all throughout the world . At first it didn 't sound right , especially when his eyes began to glow red again . When Johnny saw me thinking too hard , he reminded me how he had protected me , and how , if I had many more imaginary friends , I could be protected for life . The offer sounded good , and I jumped on board ; besides , what could go wrong with just a few more imaginary friends ? Not only would I be safe , but I could help other abused children that were in the same situation . So , for about an hour , I conjured up images of the perfect friends that I 'd want to save and protect me . And , he did . I could hear his huge footsteps in the background . I slowly opened my eyes , and saw my imagination come to live . Samson was a huge black gorilla , at least nine feet tall and over a ton . He had the biggest brown eyes , and his coat was so soft ; I just ran up and hugged him tightly . At first , he didn 't move or make any loving motions toward me , but then Johnny spoke up . Suddenly Samson warmed up and hugged me with his huge paw - like hands . That was the softest coat I had ever felt . But , as I was excited to meet another one of my imaginary friends , Johnny was pushing me to make more . So , then I conjured up Emily . She was very spooky , her skin was a pale ashen color , and she looked as if she 'd been dead for years ! She was really skinny and limber , the same age as I was , but she was a little shy ; her long black hair covered one side of her face . I finally built up enough nerve to approach her . She just stood there like a zombie , slowly moving in an awkward fashion . Her legs and arms looked as if they were broken , but that was just the way she moved and walked ; like an animal on all fours . Finally , when I called to her again , she answered with saliva coming out of her mouth . I went over and hugged her , but I could feel the evil coming from inside her . Something just wasn 't right , but I wanted to be free so bad that I once again overlooked all of the common sense that Jesus had given me . And , last but not least , I created an old man named Walter . I liked to call him Sir Walter ; he was nicely dressed , always in a white tux , and with dark shades on . He was at least seventy years old and carried an old wooden cane . I loved Walter 's silver hair and I made him to help me keep the others in line . But , what was disturbing about Walter was that he had no eyes , and worms lived in the socket . These worms were Walter 's friend ; he wouldn 't let me take them out , he loved those worms like pets . Once I had all of my friends together in one room , they began to whisper to each other , as if they had known one another for years . I told them to stop it ; I didn 't like being left out . They all apologized in sneaky voices , but I was just glad that they had ; for once someone said that they were sorry for something they 'd done to me . Now it was time to take revenge on my mother and all of her friends . We walked up the cellar steps like a big bad gang . After Samson tore down the locked door , for the first time in my life , I had all the confidence I needed . Once I made it to the top , I could hear the loud music , and I could smell the drugs in the air . Anyone who wasn 't having sex was snorting cocaine . I became very angry and told Emily to scare the daylights out of her . I watched as Emily crawled on top of her . As the girl began to scream , Emily put her entire hand down the girl 's throat and ripped out her vocal cords . Blood went everywhere . The music was so loud that no one could hear her . Even though it was a bit gross , I loved it . I began to enjoy someone else 's pain , the same way they had enjoyed mine . Now it was payback time . I ordered Samson to go through the house and smash anything he wanted , kill as many as he saw fit . He was happy ; a big smile came over his face . He began to pound his chest and bellowed with a loud roar , I had to cover my ears because it was so loud . Off Samson went , smashing everything in the house , putting huge holes in the walls . I could hear the people screaming and falling over each other , most of them thought they had a buzz from the cocaine , but little did they know that it was real . Many of them began to run , but Samson threw them against the walls like rag dolls . I could see people flying through the air ; everything seemed to be moving in slow motion . I was guarded by my four friends , I was untouchable . Samson went through the house like a whirlwind , ripping electric cords out of sockets , tearing down ceiling fans , and knocking over television sets . No one was safe in the house , and that was the way I liked it ; because I was never safe in my own home , no one else should be either . I saw Samson pick up one man and break him in two , his body 's top half went one way and the bottom the other . I watched as Samson pulled out his spine and threw it against the wall . Then , as one man tried to escape , Walter tripped him with his cane so Samson could catch him . The more the people screamed , the more pleasure I got from watching their deaths . For the first time in my life , I was in control ; no one would be able to hurt me again . While Samson was destroying the house , and Emily scared people , I sent Johnny to execute as many people as he wanted . His eyes lit up , and before I could say go , Johnny was gone . I could hear the gunshots in the air , the sounds of dead bodies plunging to the floor and the wicked laugh of Johnny . I didn 't care ; I wanted to let him have all the fun he wanted . Walter stayed constantly by my side , nagging me about how we had to clean up and get rid of the bodies . He was more the mother hen , making sure we all did what we were suppose to . Blood was everywhere ; one wall looked as if someone had painted it red from all of the blood splatters . Then , as Walter was giving me my chore list , I heard my mother 's voice , she was begging for her life . She was in the kitchen on her knees asking Johnny to forgive her , begging and pleading for her worthless life . She turned and looked at me , as if I was supposed to help her ; after all she had done to me , she wanted me to save her . But she continued to beg . I then had the brightest idea ; I called for Samson to come into the kitchen . When he showed up , I told him to make a hole in the wall and stick my mother in it . Johnny tied her hands and legs , and then I called Emily to tear out her voice . Emily came quickly , stuffed her hand into my mother 's throat and ripped out her vocal cords . I could see my mother tremble as she held onto her throat , blood beginning to fill her airways , and I watched her slowly die , but that was not the end to her torture . I had the walls of the house sealed up . All through the night , the five of us placed the dead bodies in the walls , and to make sure they didn 't stink , we wrapped them in sheets with sweet smelling incense . For two days , we cleaned the house and hid the bodies in the walls , until the house was like new . There were no signs of there ever being any killings or even someone living there . I was very proud of what I had done , the world was now a safer place with my mother and her friends gone , but there was lots more to do ; there were many more children like me to saved . I felt like an agent of revenge , making all the wrongs right . Not one day went by that I was regretful , I wasn 't sorry that my mother was dead , she deserved everything she got . She left me to suffer at the hands of her friends , now I hoped she was in hell suffering too . As days and weeks went by , I was having a blast with my imaginary friends . Walter would cook and Samson would eat most of the food . We sat at the table like a family ; I even took them outside to play . Johnny loved the rural outdoors ; he said it reminded him of his old west days . I 'd play with my friends , and children would laugh and call me a freak as they passed by ; it seemed no one could see my friends but me . The children would run away from me or walk on the other side of the street . I didn 't care , I loved the world I was in ; somehow my mind didn 't conform to reality , I was always in a dream . One day , the children were coming home from school and Samson and I were playing in the front yard . Something inside of me just snapped . I told Samson to go and get that kid . He wasted no time charging after the kid like a wild animal . Finally , I could see the fear on the kid 's face ; the boy turned pure white . I laughed hysterically , I couldn 't stop ; it seemed so funny to me , even when Samson bit off his head with one chop . Blood spurted everywhere , and because we were in a rural town , there was no one around . I watched as Samson swallowed the boy 's head and then regurgitate it back up , that was so cool to me . The boy 's body kept walking on its own , and I let it walk for hours in the back yard . As the blood drained from the neck we even played ring around the neck to see who could get three of their rings around it as the body walked without a head . Of course , Johnny won , followed by Emily . We had a blast , until there was a knock on the door . Samson grabbed the child and placed his body in the cellar and put its head in the outdoor septic tank . I let Walter answer the door , because he was the only one suitable , most of us had blood all over our clothes and hands . At the door stood the sheriff ; he asked questions about a missing boy . Walter played it smooth , he denied everything , he 'd never seen a child , and told the officer that no children stopped at this house because of his sick daughter , that every child in the area was afraid of her . Walter gave him a fake smile and the officer went on his way ; he was one of those dumb officers that never paid attention to his surroundings . Because , if he had , he would have noticed the bloody handprints on the side of the house where he was standing , less than a foot away from him . I began to laugh , law enforcement was a joke , and we could go on killing for years without anyone ever noticing anything . As the police officer pulled away , I suddenly saw him stop the car , as if he was going to turn around . I began to get a little worried ; then he got out of the car to shut the trunk , he had accidentally left it open and it was flapping in the wind . For a second , I paused and realized that my mother never took the time to teach me my name ; I was always called " hey you " , " asshole " or " bitch " . I had no answer for Johnny . I was so sad to realize that I didn 't have a name . I quickly ran into my mother 's bedroom and began to search for anything about who I was , where I was born , or who I really belonged to . I found nothing , not even a baby picture , no diaries ; nothing related to my birth , until I went to the back of her closet and pulled out a yellow envelope . On it was written " my worst nightmare " . I opened it , and inside were pictures all tore up into tiny little pieces , with a note saying that she 'd never wanted me , she wanted to kill me , but her heart wouldn 't let her do it . So , to take revenge on her heart , she 'd abuse me until the pain she felt from being raped by her father was gone . My mother was raped by her own father and I was the product of that ! I guessed that 's what led her to prostitution and drugs . The letter went on to say that she tried many times to kill me , whether it was holding my head underwater or kicking me down the stairs when I was younger , but for some reason I wouldn 't die . I was like a black omen to my mother ; she hated every fiber of my being . One thing she mentioned that was strange was that every time she tried to kill me , a bright white light would appear . I asked Walter what that meant , and he told me it was them trying to protect me . They needed me alive so they could stay alive . He said that every abused or neglected child was so badly damaged mentally that they formed imaginary friends like him , Johnny , Emily and Samson . Without an abused child , or a mentally disturbed person , they would also die . Well , I promised Walter that I wouldn 't let them die , I would never leave them . She smiled and crawled back off of the bed . I ran to the stove and burned all of my mother 's papers ; I was upset and angry that she hadn 't cared enough for me to even take the time to give me a name . But , who cared , I had my imaginary friends and that 's all that mattered . I was something to them , and they were something to me . Then Johnny came into the kitchen with excitement on his face , even as I finished burning the letters . I quickly ran to the window and took a peak ; they were nothing more than my mother 's crack friends and her johns . I told Walter to get the door , and then move so that they couldn 't see him . He did so and then vanished through the walls . I could still see his outline ; I knew that he was there watching and protecting me . My mother 's crack friends came in , they smelled like booze and their clothing was filthy ; all of them gave off a terrible odor . They came in , stumbling and making themselves at home . He was talking about me . I had watched as this man raped me over and over , while my mother stood and watched . I told Emily to go and scare the shit out of him . She crawled toward him with her cripple - like body . I watched as she caressed his penis . He loved it ; he never looked down to see who was doing it . When he finally looked down , he saw Emily 's ghost - like appearance and he began to scream , he screamed so hard that his vocal cords burst in his throat and he began to drown in his own blood . Then Emily ripped his penis out and took it to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet . The john shivered in pain , he couldn 't talk ; he felt what I was feeling back when he was raping me and I couldn 't scream or I would be beaten or raped even harder . I ordered Samson to place the body in the walls of the house . He wasted no time picking up the john , who was still alive , and pushed him into the opening in the walls . I saw the john screaming , begging for my help ; it felt good not being the powerless one , it felt good to see someone else beg me for mercy . Finally , I was getting my revenge ; I couldn 't wait any longer on the Lord , I had to take matters into my own hands . Then I ordered Emily into the next bedroom , where some more of my mother 's girl friends were having a ball smoking a line of crack . I sat by the door in the hallway thinking , do I really want to kill them or not ? I saw the way they wasted their lives , smoking balls of crack one after the other . I came to the decision that I would let them go , but when I came into the room and asked them to leave , they laughed at me over and over again . The laughter was so wicked that it pierced my heart , for some reason I just couldn 't take the laughter any more , and it hit my emotions so hard that I began to sweat . Beads of sweat ran down my face , the palms of my hands became wet ; soon I had the urge to kill them both . I ordered Johnny to kill them , he loved shooting his gun , and he loved killing , this was a piece of cake for him . Johnny jumped on the bed and began to pump the ladies ' bodies with bullets . I watched as they tried to leave and were blocked at the doorway by Emily and Walter , they loved to see death themselves , but the bullet noise was too much for my ears , I had to leave the room . From the kitchen , I could hear the ladies screaming and calling out for help , but there was no one to help them , they were way out in the country where houses were far apart . This was hillbilly country . I could hear Samson cracking the bodies of the ladies , getting them ready to be put into the walls . Walter and I had a ritual ; we would bathe the dead bodies , and embalm them like the Egyptians did their dead . To me , this was funny and exciting at the same time . One by one , Samson crushed the bones until they couldn 't be crushed anymore , and then handed the dead over to Walter and me . We prepared a special bath , Emily cleaned up the blood ; sometimes I would catch her licking the walls that were covered with blood , and I would have to spank her like a little child . But , we were a family , I was the head of the household and in charge ; we ate as a family , we laughed as a family , but most importantly we lived happily like a family . After the house was clean from all of the killings , I noticed that we were running out of food . Feeding four people and Samson was starting to be a strain , but ultimately , I didn 't mind ; they were my protectors and I was in charge of taking care of them . So , I told them we would go to the store and shop . First of all , I had a little money that my mother had left behind , and the store was just a small corner market that operated on credit . Walter drove the raggedy old pickup trunk that one of the johns had left behind , and off we went . For the first time in months , I was leaving the house ; the sun looked so bright and the sky was so clear . I felt relaxed and happy ; I had everything a girl could want , all the way to the store I kept my head out the window like a dog , wanting to see everything . Well , we made it to the store and we began to pick out our favorite foods . Emily loved jelly ; I got her every kind imaginable . We got tons of bread and meat for Samson , noodles and pancakes for Johnny and all Walter liked was tea and soups . I was like a kid in a candy store ; I got everything that I ever wanted , candies and all . The owner grabbed me by my shirt collar , and suddenly Emily and Samson attacked him . Samson broke his neck while Emily pulled out his heart and stuffed him into a freezer . I thought it was hilarious , but it was time to go before someone saw us . We quickly filled up the truck with all the food we could fit ; we had at least five shopping carts of food . He was happy , and so was everyone else ; it was as if we had just robbed a bank . Samson wanted to take the body home , but it was too much baggage . I told him that next time we would . Then Samson smiled and was happy again . I reached into a shopping bag and pulled out a carton of milk . As I was drinking from it , I noticed that a reward was posted for the missing child that we 'd killed . I just laughed and showed it to everyone . After everyone got a sip of the milk , we threw the carton out the window , not caring about what we 'd done . Why should we care when no one ever cared about us ? Once we were almost home , we saw a massive search party looking for the same child that we 'd killed . Searchers were handing out flyers and newspaper clipping with pictures and a reward . We took the flyer like we cared and once down the road we balled it up and threw it out the window . I began to laugh hysterically , for some reason this shit was funny to me . That boy would have been an evil person and I 'd saved society from his reign . As soon as we got home , we unloaded our loot . We were like wild dogs , we wanted to eat everything first , until Walter , who I called ' mother hen ' , told us only to eat a little so we wouldn 't get a bellyache . We all pretended to listen , and as soon as he turned his back , we were pigging out . Emily took a whole jar of strawberry jelly and ran off to her hiding spot . I was glad to see her happy , she was like the sister I 'd never had . Samson ate the raw meat , which was totally gross and disgusting , but I just loved him , so no matter how gross or strange it was , I overlooked most of what he and my other three friends did , because I was once considered strange and unlovable . And yet , they all loved me . All that night we pigged out and had a blast ; we ate ice cream and watched cartoons . It was like having a day that everything went well . My life was perfect , I didn 't care about anything anymore ; I was my own person .