( I think you 'll be glad you stuck with me through this part of Certified . I really do learn from my adventures . Also , I do have some photographs this time , but I was having trouble with my camera , so they aren 't the best . I 've also put in more links than usual , but I hope you find them useful . ) During the month between residencies , I finished up Jewelweed Station , a novel I had been working on since late winter . It felt great doing something I loved , being comfortable with it , having fun with the story . I fell in love with writing again - - or else I let the disappointment of my publishing experiences evaporate and I could see that I still loved writing . I also worked on my master plan for the permaculture class and my final project for integrative environmental science . First I mapped my house and property the way it is now . ( We rent . ) For the master plan - - or the " poof ! " plan as the instructor calls it - - I needed to permaculture our house and property ( at least on paper ) . Incorporating much of what I 'd learned all term , I let my imagination soar . First I put in a rain catchment system to harvest my rainwater . I calculated that if I caught all the water from my roof , I 'd get 68 , 000 gallons in a year ! Wow . ( Even someone in the desert can harvest quite a lot of water from their roof . ) Even without filtering or cleaning the rainwater from the roof , I could use the rainwater to water much of my garden , particularly the perennials ( where I don 't eat the leaves ) , and to flush the toilets ( about 10 , 000 times ) . I also put a couple of solar panels on the front of the house , plus a solar water heater . In most houses , water heaters use a lot of energy , so a solar water heater would save us lots of money ( besides helping to reduce overall energy use ) . Mostly my poof ! plan had lots and lots of food . What I 've learned about permaculture ( and about ecological gardens ) is that we have the potential for amazing abundance in our own backyards , no matter how tiny or unproductive they seem to be . I live on a small lot , yet I was able to design for apple , walnut , and cherry trees . ( We 've already got several prune plum trees . ) I also designed for mulberry and blueberry bushes , plus espaliers of apples , pears , and berries . I planted maples trees for shade , and lots and lots of wildflowers because I love them , and because they 're good for the birds and butterflies . I put in a huge vegetable garden , and I made room to " grow " worms . ( In permaculture , we design for diversity , and everything has multiple uses . For instance , daikon radishes break up the soil , plus they 're edible . An apple tree provides shade , flowers for the bees and butterflies , and fruit for people and animals . Other plants fix nitrogen and provide food . Other plants are beautiful for us to look at , plus they provide habitat for the birds and the bees and are drought resistant . And on and on . ) My before - permaculture drawing showed a sweet - looking , but rather barren landscape . The after - drawing , the permaculture poof ! plan , was so filled with color and life - - so much abundance . The most important thing the permaculture class taught me just that : the possibility for abundance is everywhere . We just need to do some work and then within eighteen months ( or less or more ) , we 're not thinking about what we don 't have , but about what we 're going to do with all the abundance . For my integrative environmental science project , I had planned on designing an ecological garden for the community library . For the final presentation , I decided that each of my fellow students would play the part of a community member while I talked about the ecological library . I wrote little ( compassionate ) biographies of people in town who help out with the library . ( I changed their names . ) Most of the students live in an urban area and don 't do any work in rural areas . I wanted to give them an opportunity to walk in someone else 's shoes and see what their reactions might be to this proposed changed . Our car was acting up , so I decided to rent a car to go to Seattle . I wouldn 't have to worry about breaking down and there would a CD player in the rental , so I could listen to a book on CD . I was hoping that would help make the drive up to Seattle more sustainable . And I was right . The drive to Seattle was eventless . No rude drivers . No traffic jams . I listened to the second have of Manhunt , the true life story of the hunt of John Wilkes Booth after he murdered President Lincoln . ( I 'd listened to the first half while driving from Phoenix to Santa Barbara in February . ) I was almost in Seattle when the car went over a patch of bumpy pavement , and I had a bout of vertigo . I was immediately nauseated and terrified . I realized then that the car had been " wobbly " the whole ride and it had made me a little car sick . I got to my " home " in Seattle , the little room in the house owned by a religious community . Unfortunately the key they 'd left for me didn 't work . I could get into my room but I couldn 't lock it . It took me a while to convince the young woman on the other end of the phone that being able to lock my room was important for me . Eventually she seemed to understand ; she arranged to get me a key , and all was well in my little world . I was still feeling sick and dizzy , so I drove to campus ( University of Washington ) , parked my car , and walked to the Medicinal Herb Garden . Last time I 'd been there , I had been waiting for the class . ( If you remember , I went to the wrong place and I waited for about thirty minutes for classmates that never came . ) This time I walked slowly around the garden , looking at the flowers and plants , trying to ground myself and feel better . After a few minutes I walked over to a huge old cedar tree . I rested my cheek against it , then sat on a bench beneath it , meditating . I felt as though I was sitting near Yggdrasil , the World Tree . I breathed in and out , in and out . I could hear the buses running outside the garden , saw students walking on the paths around the gardens , and I breathed and tried to relax . After a while I got up and walked toward a small orange flower . It turned out to be jewelweed , a plant I 'd never seen but had starred in the novel I 'd just finished . In it , Callie noticed one lone jewelweed growing by her mother 's grave . " Jewelweed . Usually it grew closer to the water and was surrounded by other jewelweed . It was one of her mother 's favorite flowers . Her mother said people often didn 't see jewelweed or ignored it all together if they did see it even though it was a great healer . Get stung by nettle or touched by poison oak and the juice from jewelweed would sooth the inflammation away . Her mother believed wildflowers could fix anything . " It was nice to see this plant here and now . I started to walk away . I turned and everything in the background became blurry , as though I had moved too quickly for my vision to keep up . This had happened before , usually when I was tired , but just then I felt a little afraid and vulnerable . Was something happening to my vision ? I turned quickly again to try and make it happen again . I told myself to calm down . Maybe it wasn 't anything physical . Maybe something energetic was happening in the garden . I walked to the other end of the bed , to see what was growing with the jewelweed . I didn 't know a lot about black cohost , but I recalled it was considered to be a powerful " women 's herb . " I decided to sit next to it and meditated on it . Immediately I " saw " a powerful witch - like Kali - like figure . She was dark purple and full of motion . She had lots of advice for me . Mostly I knew I could call on her to fill me up with courage . ( This was interesting to me . In Jewelweed Station , my main character , Callie Carter , pretends she is docile and compliant , and when she had difficulty with this , she fills herself up with Jewelweed . This gives her the courage to hide and protect herself , to gather information and power , until the time is right to reveal herself . ) I thanked the plants and trees . Then I drove to Whole Foods and got some food . I went back to my place , watched two Netflix DVDs of Entourage , then fell to sleep . I thought of black cohosh before I drifted to sleep . I dreamed someone phoned me , and the person sounded just like my mother . I was so excited to hear her voice . But as I talked with this person , I realized it wasn 't her , and that made me very sad . In another dream , I was talking to my boss about a dream I 'd had about him . He had huge white teeth in the dream . He told me my dream was right . He did get a backache and he read Healing Back Pain and it went away . Healing Back Pain is a book by John Sarno that saved my life . My friend Jenine recommended it to me when I was suffering from acute back pain . Dr . Sarno believes most back pain ( and many other symptoms ) are caused by oxygen deprivation that occurs when we suppress our emotions . When Jenine first pointed out the book to me , I was pissed . I thought , how dare anyone suggest this agony I 'm experiencing was all in my head ? Except that wasn 't what he was saying . I read the book in one sitting , came up with a kind of mantra / affirmation and said it every time I woke up in pain that night , and in the morning the pain was gone . It was a miracle . Truly . I 've given that book to many people over the years . I guess in my dream I had recommended the book to my boss . I also dreamed I saw a car go over an embankment and flip over . I ran to the car , but we couldn 't get the injured woman out . She curled up into a fetal position . I put my hands just above her and gave her a healing to try to keep her alive until the EMTs arrived . It worked . I saved her life . The next morning I drove to campus for my permaculture class . Seeing everyone again was like seeing a group of old friends . We did a check in at the beginning of class . He wanted to know what we had learned in the class - - one or two points that really stuck out for us . I said , " I 've learned that somewhere along the line , I turned into a control freak . Not about other people , but about myself . I learned that I don 't like doing things I 'm not good at . I don 't want to start things until I know everything . I learned that I can actually do things without knowing everything . I pulled out a whole patch of peas that were infested with aphids . Normally I would have gotten depressed - - or at least angst - ridden - - about my failures as a gardener . Instead , I figured this was just a learning process for me . Next year I 'd do different and better . I 've learned that everywhere around me is the potential for abundance . Everywhere around me are solutions . I love that . I 've learned to let go . " Yep . I didn 't plan to say any of that . It just came out , and it was all true . Perfection was not needed - - was not even obtainable . I could make mistakes , and it was not the end of the world . We watched a movie and talked ; then we looked at all our master plans - - our " poof " plans . We hung the before and after drawings next to one another . It was such fun to see the abundance , the liveliness , the wonderful imaginations of each person expressed in this particular way . After lunch , we all met at someone 's house in Seattle to look at their permaculture garden . Next we were supposed to meet somewhere in Shoreline . I had a map . People offered to take me with them ; I should have let them . I ended up driving around for two hours , feeling sick and dizzy in that car , and I never found my class . I did finally find what I thought was the right address , but it looked like a crack house , and there were no cars out front , so I figured it was the wrong place . It didn 't feel like this was the end of the world . I was not angry at my teacher , my class , or myself . But I was feeling a little sick from the car . I went back to my place and curled up in my bed . I called my friend and said I wasn 't sure if I was up for going out . I 'd invited her out to dinner , and now I was canceling . I felt like a whimpy jerk . I told her I 'd call later . I got some food from the refrigerator in the hallway . Then I put Pride and Prejudice in my computer , got under the covers , and vegged out . My dizziness and nausea settled down . I called my friend again and we decided to go out . She picked me up when it was still light , so I suggested we drive to the Medicinal Herb Garden . We had both taken the Celtic Shamanism Two - Year , along with Faery Doctoring , so I knew she would appreciate the garden . We parked and walked along the curving tree - lined street . And then we were in the garden , walking from this garden bed to the next . It felt like fall had set in : many of the herbs had no flowers , some of the formerly plump stalks had dried out and turned beige and golden . Of course , this wasn 't any different from the evening before , but I noticed a bit more about the garden this night than I had yesterday . The piece - de - resistance was the ancient tree . My friend noticed that it seemed as though it was really two trees : one tree was enveloping another . Was it actually two trees ? It turned dark quickly , and we were soon driving around Lake Washington down a dark and narrow road . I was so exhausted that my anxiety was vanquished , and I only thought vaguely about the possibility of crashing into oncoming traffic . We passed the Japanese Gardens . Then we were out of the woods and on Madison . My friend parked the car , and we walked to Cafe Flora . We had a great dinner and great conversation . I was still a little spacey and dizzy . This often happens to me when I 'm one on one with someone . I don 't know what it is . Some kind of unconscious stress or shyness emerges - - or tries to emerge - - but I tamp it down so hard that I don 't feel any emotions : I just feel sick . I 'm great with crowds , by the way . I 've always kidded around that this means I 'm great with shallow relationships and not so good with deep relationships . I actually do connect with groups of people much better than I do with individuals . Anyway , we had a good time , and then I went home to sleep . I had nightmares about people trying to kill me . I also dreamed Mario and I saw a jaguar in the woods . The jaguar was walking away , but he turned and saw us . Then he started coming our way . This was quite frightening as we tried to figure out how we 'd get away from him . I got up early , ate , packed , and put everything in my little nauseating rented car . I said good - bye to my little room in the basement ; then I left . It was great getting to school and seeing everyone in my integrative environmental science class . Many of them were in my permaculture class , too , and a few asked me what happened , where had I been yesterday afternoon . I said , " I drove around nearly two hours trying to find the class . But I couldn 't find you all . I guess my role in the forest garden is to get lost . " I laughed and shrugged . It was good to see that my perspective had changed over the last two months . I didn 't take it personally that I couldn 't find the class ; I didn 't take it personally that I had gotten lost . It wasn 't a character flaw on my part or a rejection by the community on their part . We started presenting our final projects . Three of us had individual projects . The rest of the class had worked in pairs or in triads . The teacher had posted the order of our presentations : I was last . I wondered if everyone would be exhausted by the time I presented , but I didn 't worry about it . If they were tired , I 'd change it . I was good at sussing the energy of a group and then flowing with it . The first presentation was on climate change . Three of the students were working to help the city of Seattle go carbon - neutral . During their presentation they showed NPR 's Robert Krulwich 's five - part cartoon video called " Global Warming : It 's All About Carbon . " ( It was so funny ! I highly recommend it . Click on Episode 1 & watch in order ; for some reason this link goes to Epi 5 . ) That was the highlight , but the others were good too . One duo talked about the green belt in Seattle . Another talked about a transit station going up in their neighborhood . They were all different . All informative . Everyone was engaged and enthusiastic . I had them push away the tables and put their chairs in a circle in the middle of the class . I asked them to leave all computers and cellphones behind . Someone asked why , and another student said , " Because she doesn 't want us texting during her thing . " She smiled . " I don 't know what I 'm going to do . " She was exactly right . I had noticed people texting and checking their email while others were presenting . I wanted to see what would happen if we were all in a group really together , elbow to elbow , breathing each other 's air . At first , some of the students looked quite uncomfortable . I explained that they were each going to take on the role of someone else , a real person from my community . I wanted them to act and ask questions from the viewpoint of that community person . I would tell them afterward what really happened at the real - life presentation that I had given a month or so earlier . " You 'll already know everything I 'm going to say about a permaculture and ecological garden , " I said , " but it was mostly new information for the community when I made the presentation . I also gave you information about these people 's personal lives because it 's important to realize that everyone working on a project has something else going on in their lives . We 've all got people we love who are in trouble . Or we 're struggling with our health or our jobs . Something . " I had written up the biography of each person and put it into an envelope and sealed it . On the outside I put the name , sex , and age of the person . Most of community members were well over sixty years old . I instructed the students not to open the envelope but just to take in the name , age , and sex . " If you 're working in communities and neighborhoods , " I said , " you will often be working with people who are very different from you . I am often the youngest person in the room and that 's been true for a long , long time . I think it 's good to be aware of the differences and to not judge people just because they 're older than you are or because they live in a rural community , or whatever . It doesn 't mean they 're stupid or uneducated . Some people live away from the city by choice . " I instructed them open the envelopes . I began my presentation . The energy of the group quickly shifted . People were soon asking me questions from the viewpoints of their " characters . " It was quite invigorating ! One person was concerned that things wouldn 't be neat enough in the garden . Another person wanted it to look more wild . Someone else was worried about the cost . I answered their questions . One person kept asking the same question again and again . I wasn 't quite sure how to answer the question differently . But the person asking it was very perceptive : often in these kinds of situations people do ask the same question again and again , even after you think you have answered the question adequately . It was a wild and crazy presentation . Very dynamic . I loved it . I felt like we were a real community . I was laughing when I ended it and thanked them all . I remembered how lost and alone I had felt when I first started this program . I had felt so out of place . I was older than almost everyone . I was one of only two people who lived in a rural area . I had felt like a country bumpkin around a bunch of young city people . But none of that had been true . Or rather , none of that was real . I had been projecting my own fears onto this experience . Once I let go of those projections , once I relaxed a bit and recognized my part in my frustrations , once I gave myself a break , reality was made visible . I faced some facts about my life - - always a difficult thing to do . I had a family member who was struggling with drug addiction . She had gone into rehab for three months , and she now had the skills to help herself and to get help , but she wasn 't doing it - - at least she wasn 't doing it enough to keep herself from relapsing . Every day for weeks , I had worried about getting a phone call that she was in a coma or a car accident . Every night I feared I would get a call from someone telling me that she was dead . I tried to get her help from afar . I tried to talk with her and encourage her . But I was often speaking to her when she was high , and I didn 't always know the difference . Later she wouldn 't remember what I 'd said or anything about our conversation . And she lied so fluently , so easily . Lying is the second language of addicts . We hear again and again that addiction is a disease . I knew that . But I kept telling the rest of my family , " If it 's a disease , then we have to do get her help . You don 't tell someone who 's having a heart attack , ' if you really want help , you call 911 . ' " How could it be a disease AND one still had to get help themselves ? I didn 't get it for a long time . Then I realized that my family member 's addiction was ruining my life . It was affecting my husband . It was affecting everyone in our family . Different family members had tried to help her . My father , only six months out of dangerous heart surgery , travelled out to stay with her . She remained straight while he was there , but as soon as he was gone , she relapsed . I thought seriously about going to live with her for a time , but then I had a flashback to last winter when I 'd gone to Arizona . I had spent half my time trying to save her . I had started this program in Seattle because I felt hopeless and helpless about the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico . I had wanted to save the Gulf of Mexico . I have always wanted to save the world . My relative isn 't alone in this desire . I 've heard other people say similar things . They 're waiting for someone else to save them . Some politician . Some leader . Some spiritual guru . It ain 't gonna happen . Or I was . I now know I can 't save my family member . I hope she can save herself . I hope she can love herself enough to put herself first , before her comfort . To save herself . I was extremely uncomfortable during the course of these classes . I made so many mistakes . I made so many judgments . I was hard on my classmates and teachers . I was very hard on myself . But I kept doing the work . I kept going forward . And eventually , through all the smoke and mirrors I was tossing up , I saw the possibility for abundance . For abundance in the world and in my life . It won 't always be comfortable . It will definitely be messy . But I know we can plant it , grow it , build it , create it , let it happen . Callie Carter stood near the east entrance of the Larmiteau ballroom while the orchestra played a Viennese waltz . She moved her scarlet - colored iris - shaped mask to the side now and again to get a better look at women dressed in colorful silk gowns and men dressed in white ties and tails . They all wore masks to disguise themselves as some kind of exotic flora , but Callie was determined to discover the true identity of each and every person . Or at least , each and every interesting person . She was equally determined to keep her identity a secret to everyone at the ballroom except for Reby . Reby stood next to Callie dressed in a burgundy - colored satin dress . The long earrings Callie had lent her reflected the golden glow from the gas lamps . She kept turning her wrists so that the gold bracelets on her brown arms clinked together . Callie knew she was not accustomed to wearing jewelry . Her mask was shaped liked the mythical black orchid . " Of course , " Callie said . " If I get caught , I will put all the blame on my poor upbringing . I 'm an American and didn 't know what I was doing . " She fluttered her hand in front of her face . Reby laughed . Callie smiled . She liked being far from Virginia and the families who lived along the James River near Mount Joy , her father 's plantation . For one thing , Reby was free here . They could walk the streets as sisters . Maybe no one bothered them because Reby was light - skinned for a slave and Callie was dark - skinned for a white Southerner , so no one knew what to make of them . Callie did not care about the reason . She just knew here she was surrounded by culture , freedom , and handsome young men and women . " I will be Duchess Wilhemina Orchid , " Reby said . " From Barbados . An exotique ! " " I think the Countessa will have two children and one husband , " Callie said . " Or maybe she is a widow with three children . " " Last night the Baron Margrave actually believed you when you said you had three children . We are not yet eighteen . How could they think such a thing ? " " Father says it 's the little liar in me , " Callie said . Callie heard someone say her name . She turned around . Their hostess Madam Larmiteau stood behind Callie holding an opened telegram in her hand . Callie Carter stood with her hand on the cold gray marble tombstone . She wanted to run her fingers inside the chisel marks that became her mother 's and then her father 's name : Emma Jean Ames Carter and Jacob William Carter . Beloved Mother and Father to Calantha Carter . Her parents could not be dead . Not in some freak carriage accident . She had spent many wakeful nights during the winter she was forced to spend in France and ten on the sea - voyage home trying to figure out what had happened - - and then even more hours trying not to picture the accident over and over in her mind 's eye . Now she stood quietly in the small family cemetery outside of the boxwood that surrounded the Georgian mansion that was her home . She couldn 't see the mansion from here , at least not all of it . Pieces of the red brick became visible here and there through the bare branches of the willow and poplar trees . She tried not to listen to her uncle Charles Ames drone on to Preacher Jones about the quality of the lettering on the tombstones . The day was too cold for March . Callie shuddered . It didn 't feel as though spring was right around the corner . Everything looked dead . Felt dead . Her old life was certainly dead . Seventeen years old and now her uncle Charles , her mother 's brother , was her guardian . Callie didn 't like Uncle Charles . Something about his pale fat little fingers that didn 't quite match his tall frame . Or the way he never looked anyone in the eyes even while he was smiling slyly . Or maybe it was because her mother had always tensed when he came into a room . Her true legal guardian was her godfather , her uncle James , who was on a botanical expedition to the Amazon . No one had heard from him in over a year , so Uncle Charles convinced Judge Zebadiah that Uncle James might be lost for good and his " very young niece " must have adult supervision until such time as James 's body was recovered , dead or alive . Judge Zebadiah . Callie 's father had never liked him much either . But he was a good friend of Uncle Charles 's , so by the time Callie stepped off the ship in Norfolk , Aunt Elizabeth and Uncle Charles had moved into the main house . From there , Uncle Charles claimed , he could better oversee the plantation and Aunt Elizabeth could better oversee Callie . A bird called out just then . She looked toward the sound . A crow hopped along the edge of the cemetery , near the wrought iron fencing . It looked straight at her , then bounced up and flew away , quickly becoming a black speck on the overcast sky . Callie smiled . Jewelweed . Usually it grew closer to the water and was surrounded by other jewelweed . It was one of her mother 's favorite flowers . Her mother said people often didn 't see jewelweed or ignored it all together if they did see it even though it was a great healer . Get stung by nettle or touched by poison oak and the juice from jewelweed would sooth the inflammation away . Mr . Jones smiled . " I wanted you to know , Callie , that your parents got a lovely service . Everyone in the community came out for it . They were well - loved and will be missed . " Jones glanced at Uncle Charles , as if to see if he needed to say anything else . Callie glanced at the stone . Really ? Then why was a crack running up the left hand side of the stone . And some of the chisel marks were ragged . " I should like to pay for it myself , " Callie said . Jones looked at Uncle Charles again . Charles said , " You mustn 't worry your pretty self about such things now . The judge has put all of that into my capable hands . Now say goodbye to Reverend Jones and we 'll get you something to eat . Unless you 'd like to stay for dinner , Jones ? " Jones looked at Callie this time . She had not noticed before how small he was . Or how nervous . He kept smoothing his black hair over the ivory - white bald spot on the top of his head and then turning his hat in his hands . Callie 's mother once said he had beady eyes . Callie tried not to scowl - - or growl . She had to keep her own council for a time , at least until she figured out exactly what part Uncle Charles was to play in her life . Uncle Charles thought of her as a child . As a stupid child . She would let him . For now . " We have got to keep this place looking better , " Charles said . " Your mother always let every weed thrive . It 's so untidy . I 've hired an overseer . We 'll get more work out of your father 's worthless slaves yet and get this place cleaned up . " He bent over . Before Callie could say anything , he pulled up the jewelweed and crushed it in his hand . Then he tossed it over the fence . " Come , child , " he said . " We have much to show you . " He held out his arm for her . She gritted her teeth , then put her hand on his elbow , and they walked out of the graveyard , toward the boxwood and the mansion . Callie looked over her shoulder once to try and spot the ruined orange flower . But she saw only gray . " Callie , I hope your time away was profitable for you , " Uncle Charles said . " I know you disagreed with our decision to have you spend the winter in France . But we knew your parents would have wished you to continue your education , even though your aunt and I didn 't quite understand why you were there . " Callie said nothing . She had gone to France to study art and improve her already remarkable drawing and painting skills - - and to learn more about the world and get away from the sometimes claustrophic community of people who lived around Mount Joy . " It was difficult to be alone in a strange country mourning the deaths of my parents , " Callie said . Difficult was not the right word . It had been excruciating . After she got the news , everyone seemed a stranger , even those friends she had made during her time in France . She and Reby stayed inside the apartment together most of the time , although sometimes her tutors visited , and she drew a bit , painted even less . She had not been capable of coherent conversation . And she had no money . Her aunt and uncle cut off her funds so that she could not get on a ship herself . Fortunately , she stayed with friends of her parents , Madam Larmiteau and her husband , so she was not thrown into the streets while she waited for permission to come home . Besides her mother 's three brothers and their families , Callie had no other relatives . So she had waited until Uncle Charles released some funds , and she and Reby headed home . She shook herself and looked ahead as she and Uncle Charles neared the mansion . It was a relief to see Henry standing just outside the door , so tall and straight , dressed in his black suit , his white - gloved hand on the door as he prepared to open it . He wore a black armband on his left arm - - the black a little darker than his coat - - in honor of her parents , no doubt . It was more than her uncle had done . Henry bowed and said , " Welcome home , Miss Callie . " He opened the door . Callie noticed his skin seemed a little ashy and maybe his hand trembled slightly . She would not ask him about it now . Instead , she strode through the open door into her home . Her parents were gone , but this was where she had grown up . This was where Henry , Pearl , Reby , Martha , and Joseph still lived - - well , they lived nearby in the Little House near to this Big House . As soon as Callie stepped over the threshold , she stopped so suddenly her uncle nearly ran into her . She heard Henry close the door behind them . She waited for her eyes to adjust . They stood in a kind of foyer with gentle arches that led into the East parlor to her right and the dining room to her left . Beyond the parlor was the sun parlor , then the ballroom . Beyond the dining room was one of the pantries , the kitchen office , the kitchen and another pantry . And the stairs were straight ahead . Callie heard the rustle of satin . Aunt Elizabeth came out of the east parlor , dressed in blue satin . She smiled and held out her hands to Callie . " Isn 't this lovely ? " Elizabeth said . " I can 't imagine your mother actually liked that other color . It was so light ! It gave me a headache . I hope you don 't mind . We 've made little changes here and there . We were certain your poor dear mother would have made the same changes had she lived . " Callie glanced at Henry . He practically blended into the walls . She reminded herself that she was going to hold her tongue until she got the lay of this new land . She needed to get upstairs to see if Reby had found out anything yet . " Oh my ! Didn 't they have parasols in France ? " she asked . " You 're dark enough to be mistaken for a pickaninny ! You 're nearly as black as your dress . " Aunt Elizabeth rolled her eyes . " How silly of me . You don 't know anything about what 's been happening , do you ? " She looked over at her husband . " Have you told her nothing ? " " I leave it to you , wife , " he said . " And now if you 'll excuse me , I have some work to do . " He bowed slightly . Then he slipped off his coat and handed it and his hat to Henry . Callie watched her uncle walk down the corridor to her father 's office , beneath the stairs . He unlocked the door , opened it , and went inside . Then he shut the door . Callie closed her eyes . Uncle Charles was in her father 's office ! Her father would be appalled that Uncle Charles now knew all the intimate details of his business life . " Heddie is the new cook , " Elizabeth said . " Pearl was unbearable . I could not eat her food ! " " Yes , I know your mother brought her into her marriage , " Elizabeth said . " But she is old . Her taste is off . She 's better off where she is now . She can be of more use there . " " She 's out in the slave cabins by the fields . She can cook for the pickaninnies and field hands all day and night . They won 't notice her tasteless food ! " " Pearl has never lived in with the field slaves , " Callie said . " Mother promised she would come with me if she got too old to cook , to care for my children one day . She would have never put her outside . " " We are your guardians , " Elizabeth said . " We could not , in good conscience , let you continue to eat that gruel Pearl cooked . Your mother wasn 't able to send Pearl away . So I 've done it for her . " So much for holding her tongue . " This household is now my responsibility , " Elizabeth said . " And will be until you come of age . Pearl will go where I wish . Now , I noticed some of your dresses were a bit frayed . If that is how Rebecca takes care of your things , perhaps it is time to send her away , too . She 's at a good age to breed . " How was she going to fix this situation ? How was she going to get her home back ? Her life ? How could she get Pearl into the kitchen again ? Panic rose in her throat . " Of course , " Elizabeth said . Callie turned and started walking up the curving staircase . " See if Reby can find you a dress that isn 't torn or soiled at the hems , " Elizabeth said . " And no more black . It depresses me . " " Nonsense , " Aunt Elizabeth said . " Your mother was not that old - fashioned and neither am I . I am very proper , but not old - fashioned . And with war so close at hand , we need to live every day to the fullest . " " I know you miss your parents , " Elizabeth said , " and I certainly don 't want to stop you for mourning in your own way . I 'm just giving you permission to take off the widow weeds . It is spring , after all . " Her tone was sugary . Callie felt nauseated . She picked up the hem of her dress slightly as she walked up the stairs . She glanced at the portraits of her ancestors . Her four grandparents from both sides of the family . Her mother . Father . " It was time you had a grown - up room , away from your parents , " she said . " So we put you in a room on the third floor . That way you have more privacy . Your room was so close to your parents ' room . We 're staying in your parents ' room now . " Callie 's fingers gripped her dress . " Of course , " Elizabeth said . " They were the best rooms in the house . This is an ordeal for us , you know , to be away from our home to care for you . We knew you would want us to be comfortable . " " This way , Miss , " Reby said formally . Callie looked down the stairs . She couldn 't see Elizabeth , but she sensed she was still there , listening , waiting . Callie followed Reby up the second set of stairs and then down the hallway to the end of it . At least Elizabeth hadn 't redecorated this floor . The wallpaper with pale red and pink roses brightened up the corridor still . Reby opened the door to the last room . Callie couldn 't remember ever being in this room . Reby had already opened the windows . Good thing . It still smelled a bit stale . Callie looked around the small room . She didn 't see any other door besides the one they had just come through . A small window seat looked down at the garden , the row of poplars beyond , and the James River beyond them . A wardrobe , bed , dresser , dressing table , and writing desk practically filled the room . " Miss Elizabeth says I have to sleep in the Little House now with the others , " Reby said . " She wants me to do more kitchen duty , help in the smoke house and with the sewing more . She says you don 't need a maid full time and she doesn 't have enough slaves to do all the work that needs to be done . " " He can 't do that , " Callie said . " I know that for sure . According to the law you are mine and I wouldn 't consent to your sale . " " Once , when I was little , " Callie said . " Father came close to whipping me when he found me . " She had been sitting on the floor in the dirt , eating with the other children when her father strode into the cabin . " Mr . Carter , " someone had said . Callie didn 't remember now who it had been . " We was just comin ' to git ya . " And then things got confusing . Her father yelled . The driver got out his whip . Callie shook her head . She didn 't want to remember that . " We ain 't in Paris any more , " Reby said . " I 've got to know my place and be in my place until this blows over or Miss Elizabeth is going to get rid of me . I talked to Martha . She says your aunt and uncle have come to stay and they 're going to run things wicked hard . " " My parents didn 't raise any shrinking violet , " Callie said . She stood and began pacing the room . " I need to see a lawyer . Find out what my rights are . Uncle Charles showed me the papers the judge signed . And he signed . About them being my legal guardians for the time being . And I tell you I intend to spend no time being under their thumbs . I 'll write a letter to Uncle Peter , too . But for a while , Reby , I will pretend to be on my aunt and uncle 's side . They think I 'm an ignorant child , so that 's what I will be . But first I 've got to dress for dinner . " Reby got off the floor . Callie turned around so her back was to her . Reby took off Callie 's coat and lay it on the bed . Then she began unbuttoning Callie 's dress . When it was loose enough , Reby helped Callie step out of it . Callie walked to the wardrobe and opened it . She pulled out a blue - silk dress . It was almost the same color as the one her aunt was wearing . " It would be so gauche if I wore this tonight , " Callie said . " Auntie might feel as though I was trying to outshine her . " Callie nodded . " Perfect . She wanted me out of black . I will obey her . " She handed the dress to Reby . Reby took it . The two looked at each other for a moment . Callie turned away first . " I better hurry , " she said . " Before she comes looking for me . You keep your head down , Reby . Let 's not rock the boat until we 're ready to sink it . "