I could hear Charlotte 's words ringing in my ears . As I took that first step on the side walk that was now pushed up in places from the roots of trees growing every which way looking for water . I put my foot on the bottom step now rickety with age and disuse . The porch leaning ever so slightly . The wind began to blow softly through the branches , causing a old porch swing to sway gently in the wind , as though a ghost from somewhere beyond what I could see was watching me and began to rock ever so slowly . In my mind was the fear of what I might see but more of what I might not see . I reached up for the handle of the screen door to pull it open . The door screeched , complaining and announcing that someone was there . I looked down at my hand and it was shaking . The old wooden door was about 10 feet tall and the doorknob was of the old metal ones with the metal piece around it for a skeleton key . I really didn 't expect it to be open but it was . As I turned the handle , the door was stuck so I had to use my hip to bump it open . The damp from the last storm had swelled it shut . As I opened it the smell of dusty , old , musty rooms hit me . I could smell the aroma of mice and then the faint breath of lavender . I don 't know what drew my eyes down but the wood floor , at one time well taken care of was now scratched and scared , with deep lines in it from heavy furniture being dragged across its surface . It was a small living room , and there to my left was an old black walnut table with claw feet . To my right was an old wooden chair . There was wall of glass fronted books shelves . I walked over to the book shelves and opened one of the doors and inside was an old diary . I picked it up and blew off some of the dust . A old letter fell out and drifted down to the floor . I bent down to pick it up when I heard what sounded like footsteps above my head . I put the diary and the letter down , and looked up . Then I heard it again , the sound of something moving across the floor . My feet felt like lead as I climbed upward toward the sound . Again I heard the steps that moved causing the floor to creak and groan . I climbed to the top and I saw a small hallway . There was only one small window on the landing so it was dark and the shapes in the hall began to play tricks on my eyes . I heard the sound again . It was coming from the room that faced the road and the one I had seen the face and the hand inviting me to come in so many times in the past . I turned the door and walked in that room , I could hear faint breathing , and then a scratching sound . As I pushed the door open to see a bit better . Something was walking towards me I could feel it more than I could see it as my eyes were adjusting to the dim light . Then I felt the warm body of a kitty wind around my legs , purring like a motor boat . In the corner , I could see a pile of rags and a jumble of small kitten bodies mewing and tumbling all around . There were two black ones , and orange one and small stripy one . I blew a sigh of relief and all I could think of was getting out of that house and getting home . This is a work of fiction . Though somethings are true . There was Mrs . Krebs and she did live in that house . There were weird accidents that happened to her family . Today , the house is filled with a family who have 12 kids . There is a white picket fence . I did walk that way home from school , but Charlotte had eyes like a hawk and if she saw me even stopping at that gate on my way home from school she would have marched over there grabbed me by the collar and took me home and told my parents . I would never have the nerve to ever trespass on someone 's property . I am a coward at heart . When I was four , my grandparents bought the place where I now live . A place filled with old ghosts and lost dreams . As my parents would take us some place in the car , we would pass a old house . On the rickety front porch sat a woman in a rocking chair . She was dressed in a black silk dress from another era in time . Her hair was pulled back into that severe bun and her hair once black was now white . She would rock and as we drove by , I would watch her and wonder about her . It wasn 't long before one day the rocking chair was empty and on the door was a black wreath . Time moved on and the house was soon filled with different families . None stayed . It seemed that each group of people who moved in would meet some sort of disaster . The one I remember was the father of one family was killed in a freak accident by being thrown from his truck and the truck running over him . People began to remark about the house being haunted . It came time for me to go to high school and in my grade school years the school bus picked me up at my front door . In high school I had to walk about a mile or so to the bus stop . Every day I had to pass the now empty house on the way to school and on my way home in the evening . The house had been vacant for a few years . It was at one time two old wooden train cars put together in the shape of a " T " Sometime they had added a second story and had added the front porch . The house was built back into the trees and spent most of it 's days nestled in shadows . There was a wrought iron fence the kind you see around grave yards surrounding the house . Now the front gate was chained with an old , rusty padlock . The kind that opened with heavy skeleton key . Each day I would pass and think about how lonely it looked . The windows were becoming more and more dusty . The doors and the windows remained tightly closed . Fall was starting to come and the sidewalk became littered with dry leaves . The black , screen door was packed with dry , crunchy leaves all piled up . The days were growing shorter , and I was walking by one evening on the way home . The sun was low in the sky , but as I passed the house , I thought , I saw a hand in the top window , the curtain moved ever so slightly . I felt that feeling of being watched . It could have been the wind , or my imagination , but I thought I heard my name being called . I looked around but I was alone . I walked faster towards my house . For awhile it went on like this I would see what I thought was a hand in the window , and my name being called . One day on my way home , the neighbor that lived next door was out in her yard and I stopped and asked if someone had moved in the house . She looked up at me and then over to the house , and said , " No , no one that I have seen , but I have heard noises over there at night . " She said , " I thought I saw a candle moving from room to room , but it was the night of that big storm , so I thought I was just seeing things . " Then as her beady eyes focused on me her eyes grew hard and intent , she said , Kim , you stay away from that house , don 't you go looking around . " " Do you understand ? " Somethin ' ain 't right over there , never has been since Old Mrs . Krebs died . " Christmas came and went and I didn 't think about the house or go past for awhile . Then toward the end of January that year , I began walking back and forth to the bus stop . One evening as I passed , I noticed that the gate was unlocked . The chain that had once closed the gate was now wrapped around the fence , and the lock was now opened laying on top of the post next to the gate . I looked up at the window where before I had seen the hand . Now it was a face I thought but the windows were dirty but I couldn 't be sure , there was a hand motioning for me to come in the gate . I stopped , I could hear Charlotte 's words ringing in my ears , as I put my hand on the gate to go inside the fence . . . . I was going through some old albums I have of photos on my computer and I ran across this one . Our redevelopment agency in our town took a old park in our downtown area and turned it into this beautiful park . I love it down here and you can 't believe the wonderful art museum that is near or all of the great antique shops or the little places to eat . I just don 't get down here enough . It is beautiful in the fall . I have been fighting a cold all week . I do stupid things . I wonder why that is ? I sent a text to my husband because I couldn 't find a box of laundry soap we had bought . I looked every where and I thought maybe he had put it some where else . He called back and he would think of a place to look and it wouldn 't be there . My son had my car so I called him to look in the back to see if I left it there , it wasn 't . Because I couldn 't find it and I needed it badly , I asked him if he would stop and buy more . I received a phone call yesterday . From someone I don 't know . They asked lots of questions . I stuttered and stammered and I really think I am not going to talk on the phone anymore . I am thinking of becoming a hermit . When I send a text , I can backspace when I say something silly . Or when I write a blog . I can write here and stare at it and even delete it when it is really out there . Some days I might delete 3 posts . Some days I delete so many I never get anything published . Yesterday when I did talk to a friend on the phone , which she already knows I am an idiot and likes me anyway and laughs in all the right spots , I told her with the wedding coming , I need to go to a fat farm for 6 months . Do you know what a good friend is ? She asked me why ? Then laughed when I told her . I have decided that friends are friends because they laugh , they cry and they just listen when you tell them stuff that isn 't gong to change the world but they listen anyway . No matter what , they have your back . You know , I should maybe delete this post too , but I won 't . Just because when my friend reads this she needs to know how much she makes my life make sense . I am so glad God has blessed me with so many dear , dear friends in this world . It was a nice weekend . Lots of young people around . Lots to do but not very much sewing . On Thursday night , since my husband was off on Friday , and it was finally cool enough to have a fire in the fire pit we started a fire outside . So this weekend , we went though boxes of graham crackers , bags of marshmallows , and Hershey Chocolate bars . We also went though packages of hot dogs and hot dog buns . I worked on some wood pieces yesterday . I am in a slump . I just can 't get things to turn out like I see in my head right now . One thing I have found about working with wool , is that it is always on my mind . I think about colors and how to get a color and how will it look after it is cut into strips . I am the same way about embroidery thread . This summer as you know has been filled with challenges . As I look back , I see the trails and the paths God had to have us walk and even when I doubted and I doubted far more than I trusted . God was always working . I sat down at the beginning of the summer . I wrote a list . A long list of all the needs , that only God could do . He answered every single thing on my list , but not the way I expected . My son needed a job . He got a job but not the one he wanted . God has a better plan for him and I like seeing the results on my son and how his character is being formed through it . My daughter and her family have gone through a incredible time of testing . I begged God for my son in law to get a job . Month after month , he has gone on so many interviews it has been crazy . Weird things happened finally one day as I was on my knees praying , the thought popped into my head . " The door is closed for a job here . " The thought was so terrible to me , I couldn 't even say anything . Finally , after another weird interview , I told my husband what I thought . As a grand mother and a mother it is really hard for me to pray , Not my will Lord , but thine . Finally after a summer of wanting my will , I gave up . My son - in - law 's family just moved back to Arizona . All of his extended family lives in Arizona . His parents asked them to come for a visit last weekend . There is a house that is available for them to move to in the next couple of months . They live in an apartment here . The house is 4 bedroom , two bath . It has a living room and a family room . It has a yard and a covered patio and even a swimming pool . The best part is they can live in it rent free until my son in law can get a job in Arizona . I don 't know what was a bigger answer , how big the house is or rent free or all of it . But it is a huge answer to prayer and not one I ever dreamed . I know that now that there will be a job . I had to get to the end of myself this summer because I needed to desire what was God 's best not what was best for me . I am selfish , I don 't share well . I love my kids and grand kids almost to the point of worship . I am so glad that we live in an age and not one of my great grandmothers age that when your children moved west you might not see them again . At least I can have Skype and email and the phone and all sorts of ways to keep in touch . Arizona is a very beautiful place . The air is so dry and breathing is such a joy . The colors of the desert are beyond description . I can get on a plane and be there in an hour . I know this is God 's best . When I was praying all summer , I didn 't know that God would answer is such a huge way or that in praying for God 's will God would change me . I will keep having to pray to keep my hands open to not want to hold on so tight . Carly Simon has a song and the words say there is more room in a broken heart . I think my heart must be all covered in band - aids . But I am exited that God never disappoints me and He never leads me where I thought I would go but He does keep it really interesting and I know that God will do and has done such great things that I know every thing will be great ! He has worked out every single thing for good . Every single thing . 3 . We have a storm coming out of the gulf of Alaska . Promises of wind , rain and snow make me happy . I hope the heat goes away and comes . . . next year . 5 . I have eyes . I can see to read , sew , I can watch the seasons change . 6 . I have ears . I can listen to music and hear birds sing and listen to the new bird calls of birds flying through . The boys have not missed a single debate . They discuss it over and over like a football game . They talk about issues and what is important and what is not . Mom , I am glad I am not old enough to vote . I asked why was that . He said " because I would have to choose a president of the United States by who lies the most and who has the best handlers . " He said , Mom , you have just spent the last 4 years teaching me world history , and the founding of America , of the struggle for Independence , What George Washington believed and Thomas Jefferson and Sam Adams . He said , My favorite president is Andrew Jackson and all of the things that happened in the War of 1812 of what the Civil War was for and how we were that country built on a hill and all of the people who came here for freedom . For a better life . " But not anymore , now it is about who lies the best . " I have thought about it all day . I don 't have a answer . I know what I believe that we still live in the best country in the world , that we have flaws but for the most part it is the best . We have been down before and we get up again . We have the right to criticize and write what we want . We may argue about things but we can without threat of a knock at the door . So what would you do ? Is America more than taxes , the price of gasoline , health care , education . Or is America about freedom , and justice , and the right to life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness ? Is it worth fighting and dying for or is it for the government telling us what to do from the cradle to the grave ? I have a 17 year old son , almost a man , do I tell him to go out and change what he doesn 't like so that his children can live in peace . I had six babies when I was young . You know why ? I believed I could change the world . I truly believed that " The hand that rocked the cradle , ruled the world . " I wanted to leave the world better than I found it . Now there are nine people in this family who vote . I am thankful for that privilege . We can change the world for good . . . still . I will tell him , never give up on doing good . Always do good and look out for your fellow man . Think of others better than you think of yourself and do unto others the way you would have them do unto you , and never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes . I was feeding my chickens some leftover corn bread and I made a few observations . I thought you might like to know what I found out about these guys . One thing I noticed was as I would break up the corn bread in little pieces and the roosters didn 't think it was small enough for the hens , so they would break it apart and offer it to the hens . They never as far as I could tell take a bite . I thought , " How sweet , they are always thinking of the hen before they think of themselves . When I have had 2 roosters in a single flock , I have noticed that one rooster will be very giving and the other one will be very selfish . Not these guys though , both of them are always putting their hens before themselves and giving the best bits and are always working to see that the hens are taken care of and protected . I noticed yesterday that this little black one even went after the mean old hen that rules the roost with an iron beak . She is so mean that the other night I went out because I could hear commotion in the hen house and she was power pecking the hens who wanted to get on her roost . She had two whole roosts to herself . I threatened her with harsh words with ax , soup pot , and dinner in my conversation with her . She didn 't listen . I really do enjoy watching these guys . The way they just march across the yard . Little pompous guys . I don 't keep roosters so my older hens see them as just a pain and you can hear heavy sighing from the older ones because they crow , they chase the hens and try to pull neck feathers . Because these roosters are so much smaller than the big hens , the older hens can out run them . So in the early morning when I let them out of the chicken house , hens and roosters go racing around the yard . This is the only hen I have now that has all of her feathers . She is also one of my friends . I tried to get all three of my friends that go out with me each morning in one shot but none of them would stay in one place as they followed me around . It always makes me happy to have my three friends . This summer has been perhaps , one of the hardest of my entire life . I have had to walk in places I have never walked . I had no experience with where the Shepherd asked me to go nor to the mountains and valleys I had to walk . I have found that when I was broken over and over and didn 't think I would ever be able to get up again , that was when the Shepherd picked me up and carried me . On Friday if I had known that the trial was almost over I don 't know what I would have said , maybe just shook my head in disbelief . I can 't tell you the whole story because it isn 't mine to tell . Yet . When it is I will tell you of the Red Sea 's that have been parted . Of how me of the smallest of faith , has a great God . When I first gave my life to the Lord , I wanted a faith that would be tested . I wanted to be like those people I read about in books , when in trials I couldn 't imagine I would also be able to stand firm . This summer I learned that those Corrie Ten Booms , Hudson Taylor 's even Elisabeth Elliot and Ruth Grahams , were not writing books as they walked through the trial . They wrote the books after they made it through . As they looked back at all that God had done through them and for them . This summer has been one that was so hard and beyond anything I have experienced . I have had attacks that have hit hard and deep and sometimes , I wondered if I would survive to live another day . I have seen my character revealed and seen the blackness of my own soul . I have cried out to God to have mercy on me , a sinner . I have seen what I really am and I have begged God to stop . Let me go back to how I was , He has said no and has brought all that I have kept hidden out in the light of day . I have been stripped and laid bare . I finally started praying , Not my Will Father but thine . I give up all of my own purposes and desires . I really did at times feel forsaken . Then today , I found out why God had to let me go through this , because I didn 't know that I had my hands so tight holding onto what I wanted , that when I was able to open my hands finally , God was able to show me what He wanted to do . Really , It is so huge I have done nothing but cry , because it is so like God to give exceedingly , beyond anything I asked or thought . All of the times the quiet sound of God 's voice would say , " Will you trust me ? " I thought I was but I really wasn 't , I was trusting in my own strength . I see why I have had to come this far in the breaking process because of my own determination to do what I want , my way . Oh , will I ever learn ? I was reading the old writers I love , like Andrew Murray , on prayer . He talked of the prayer of relinquishment . It is a old word that we don 't hear much anymore . I started praying that prayer giving everything I knew how to give over to God . Today , He answered . I am sure that I only know the first bit of this answer , I know that I am going to have to keep relinquishing lots more things than I ever dreamed but I know that physically , I have to do it willingly because I don 't have the strength to fight God any more . Today we started harvesting our Hibiscus , ( my husband did , I just took pictures . ) I have been intrigued with this herb since if you look at the back of a box of herbal tea , there will be that ingredient of Hibiscus flowers . I thought for the longest time it was for the tropical variety that grows in my flowerbed . After reading herb books this winter and seeing the difference we tracked down seeds and from those little seeds grew these loved big bushes . The old sunflower stalk in the middle is a giant stalk and it taller than my head so you can get and idea of how big these plants are now . The flower is hard and has a lovely smell of cranberries . The plant does smell clean and a little like citrus . This is the first batch on the screen that since next week is supposed to be warmer should dry pretty fast . We have maybe 10 times as much out there to harvest . We had no idea they would produce like this . This is what the Wikipedia said about it . " Hibiscus tea contains 15 - 30 % organic acids , including citric acid , malic acid , and tartaric acid . It also contains acidic polysaccharides and flavonoid glycosides , such as cyanidin and delphinidin , that give it its characteristic deep red color . I must need vitamin C because my mouth kept watering and all I can think about it making fresh hot tea with these next week when they are dried . They smell so good . I know I said that before but I wish I could just let you smell them . It is a popular tea in most parts of the world . It wasn 't introduced to the United States until Celestial Seasonings introduced it to us in 1972 as Red Zinger Tea . You know I think I like it because I have always been partial to red drinks . I just think red in a drink looks better . I was also wondering about using it as a dye for wool . I do like it when our experiments turn out . I finally found something I could plant the whole 2 1 / 2 acres of because it is just so pretty when it is growing . Rows and rows of it . The only thing is you have to cut each flower off and that might get time consuming . They remind me of cotton bolls . I haven 't taken a picture of my husband 's trees in a while . I thought I would show them to you since they are starting to change colors . They are really growing and he will be grafting on to some of them to make different varieties . Some of them are being used for Bonsai and are wired . Others are just trees to replace the ones that didn 't make it through this long hot summer . One of the things that is fun to do now that the weather has cooled down for a bit . I love to rearrange the house and since I have always been a big fan of playing house , I like to do it now . When I was a child I was always finding secret places and making my own little hideaway . My favorite was this area next door , when we lived there and the old farm house was still standing . There was this old flowerbed between the old Palm trees . There was a old tank and behind it was this little area that was just the perfect little getaway . I spent hours playing there . Finding broken pieces of plates , old silverware , old jars and bottles . Finding a old piece of wood would be my shelf . I would gather things and invite my dolls and we would play for hours . Though if you were to ask my cousins and brother , they would tell you it served as my military base from which I launched frontal attacks using black walnuts and dirt clods as my weapons . Those days my dolls stayed safety in the house . I put all of the fall things I have been making on this shelf . Sorry this isn 't a better picture . It is in the middle of the house between rooms so there isn 't real good light . I just love my bench . I am so glad I have it to decorate with the seasons . Can you see that silly doll ? It was the first project I made after not making things for years and years . I had to remember how to read a pattern again . It is true if you don 't use it you loose it . I love my shelf . I had a friend make it for me years and years ago . It is so old do you see the colors of blue and peach ? I have never wanted to paint it but I still love it . She was the reason I got a saw . I was always paying her to make my things . Then she showed me how to get started . She helped me to get over my fear of saws . I have been spending a lot of time out here on the porches lately . It is finally nice enough to enjoy them . I sit and watch the changing of the shadows , the falling of the leaves , the sounds of the birds passing through . I have noticed that the smell of the air has changed to that of fall . Even though the weather man says we will have above normal temperatures next week . I know that summer is over and fall is here and I am so happy to greet my old friend . I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your kind comments . You made my heart sing again . The truth of the matter is that what I have found in being a blogger , is that I receive far more than I ever give . You all touched my tired heart and lifted the burden that I felt I have been under . My husband brought it to my attention that when I can 't make people happy , I fall apart , when I can 't fix everyone 's problems . I love making people happy and when I can 't I guess I do . I think that when my Mom got sick when I was a little girl , and I thought if a I was good , or if I tried harder or worked harder I could have made her well . I try to do that still and when there are problems and I think I can fix if I try harder , run faster and jump higher . You know , and then , I have to realize I am not God and sometimes God just says " No , " I have to give up and I don 't really like giving up . Yesterday , I hit that wall . But today is a new day . The light was beautiful this morning . The air was cool and fresh . Only I can change me so I decided to view life this morning from my camera . It makes me so happy to find beauty from the lens of my camera . The light finally changed . I haven 't taken pictures all summer because the light was harsh and too bright . Now , it has changed to a mellow gold color . It makes all of the world around me filled with a warm glow . This is feverfew . We planted a whole bunch because I love it so much . When my husband and I were going to get married and I must have planted hundreds of flats of flowers in my Mom and Dad 's yard I planted hundreds of these flowers . For years and years my Mom 's flowerbeds were filled with these flowers . When we were planting them this summer , it made me remember planting them so long ago . A long time that passed in a breath that catches in my throat . I was trying to catch the morning light . I guess it is illusive like trying to catch a rainbow . I love how the sunshine comes through the leaves , bringing some things into focus and other things remain just out of my vision . This tree has been in my life since we move here when I was four years old . I built a fort under it , my kids climbed it and now my grand kids swing on it . I hope to get a photo of my daughter in her wedding dress in it . Life may change faster than I am able to move . Life may have hard spots . But always there is the lovely moment filled with dreams and promises and like this flower , it may look tired and worn out , but there is always the promise of spring in the seeds that it has produced . I am thankful for today , for the comfort of friends and for joy that comes in the simple things , like the lens of a camera . You know I don 't think I have ever done a Friday night post . On a normal night we have home made pizza and watch a movie . We are . . . Yay for Fridays ! ! ! It has been so long since I did a chicken post . My poor girls have laid all summer long . It is so hot in those ne . . . I hope you had a great week . I started great , but this cold has really thrown me to the mat . I keep hoping it will be gone very , very . . . Do you ever click on things on your computer ? I saw a button this morning I have never clicked on . It says , pictures from your phone . Th . . . I went out very early this morning , when it was dark and cold and wet . I could hear the sounds of birds singing the sounds of spring . I kn . . . I thought I would stop in and write a post . I maybe should be out working in the garden and the flowerbeds . The air quality is so bad , . . . This year we will be married 34 years . To my best friend . I have walked with God 28 of those years . I have been blessed with wonderful friends and family . I have six children , three who are married . With eight grandchildren . We have 5 boys and three girls , I have been so blessed . The fruit of the womb is God 's reward . I will celebrate my blogging 5th year anniversary in July . Wow , it has been fun !