All women are born equal , then some accessorize . Kelly Twilley accessorizes . She makes jewelry and sells it at Trade Day in Collinsville , Alabama . Her profile picture shows her with a beaded necklace , earrings , and two Shetland Sheepdogs . Kelly knows how to accessorize . But when I got to know her , I quickly learned that her dogs were not an accessory . Her dogs were rescued from a puppy mill . In February of 2008 Kelly heard that her local SPCA had a male Sheltie that was in pretty rough shape . Kelly wanted a female but went to see him anyway . When she got there she learned that the Sheltie was rescued from a puppy mill along with 130 other dogs . It took her ten minutes to catch him , but when she did , it took only a few seconds for him to fall asleep in her arms . Kelly took him home and named him Bailey . About two years later , I set up an agility field in Dogtown , AL and started giving lessons . Kelly brought her Border Collie , Emma . After class I was talking to the group about the work I was doing teaching agility to reactive and fearful dogs . Agility gave the owners ' and their dogs the confidence to go for walks and socialize . Kelly told me Bailey 's story and how he was still of fearful new people and situations . I said , " let 's give it a try " . The following week Kelly and Bailey had a private lesson . He was afraid of everything . Just walking through the gate to get onto the field was a challenge . Bailey quickly found a safe spot in the tunnel . Each time he got scared , he would go in and not come out . Bailey 's most difficult obstacle was the dog walk . We started slowly by putting him on the contact zone of the descending plank and let him run down . Each week we moved him further back , closer to the top of the ascending plank . When he did not progress as quickly as Emma , I reminded Kelly that the work we were doing was not about agility , it was about building confidence . Once Bailey gained confidence on the agility field he would be more confident in other situations . Then one week he surprised Kelly by jumping into the car to come to agility class . Soon Bailey was running all the way through the tunnel and over the dog walk . Then he started greeting people and letting friends and family pet him and hold him . Kelly 's self - esteem grew , she was ready to rescue another puppy mill Sheltie . Kelly searched PetFinder and found a 5 - year - old female in a Sheltie rescue just three hours from home . After a four long weeks of filling out applications , phone interviews and waiting , Molly was hers . Kelly said , " I had no idea what bad shape a dog can be in until I met Molly " . She set up a kennel in the front yard under a shade tree for her . Molly spent her first weeks there ; she escaped 3 times . Kelly started her in agility . As soon as Kelly put Molly down on the agility field she ran away . Before we could teacher her anything , Molly needed to feel safe , she didn 't trust anyone yet so we taught her to come to a spot , the table . Kelly put food on the table and we waited . Molly came and went . Kelly put more food on the table and we waited . Molly came and went . After each repetition the time between recalls got shorter and Kelly 's patience grew longer . When Kelly got home , she put a dog bed just outside the patio door . Then she used the same technique and taught Molly to come to that spot . Soon Kelly felt safe enough to let Molly out of her kennel . Molly now spends most of her time in her spot by the door watching for squirrels to chase away . Bailey and Molly will never compete at an agility trial . Their trial happens everyday . They struggle to conquer their fears and to love and trust people . Although Kelly admits she had no idea what she was getting into when she adopted a puppy mill rescue , she says she is more confident and more patient than she ever was before . She is now designing jewelry based on the collar Molly was wearing when she got her . Carolina . Where have I been , what have I been doing for the past two months . It was a time that went by in no time . I don 't know what I was doing , where I went or whom I saw . At the time , I thought I was getting my life back . I said at a meeting that I was happy . Happy , but I kept looking over my shoulder for what was going to happen next . I couldn 't just be glad in the day , I worried . It has been a long time since I was really happy . This felt real , it felt like I was moving on , getting over it , getting on with it . Carolina started to refuse food two weeks ago . We all know what that meant . I didn 't need a diagnosis and I won 't write a eulogy . Bob and our vet said it was time to let her go . I wasn 't ready . I was done grieving . I grieved for two years . I was moving on . But in the end , it wasn 't about me , it was about Carolina . Sweet Carolina . She loved everyone and everyone loved her . I started writing about two years ago and stopped about two months ago . It occurred to me that maybe I can only write when I am grieving . Or better , writing is something I do only when I spend most of my time wrapped in a blanket on the couch . I am the happiest when I am making something or doing something . Writing doesn 't feel like that . Writing fills the time in between . The very first time my husband and I entertained together , we had only been dating a few months . It was New Years Eve . We went to the grocery store together to buy food and soft drinks , the package store for alcohol , then to his apartment to get ready . As soon as the groceries were put away , Bob said he had to run an errand and would be right back . I didn 't ask any questions and kept cleaning as he walked out the door . A few hours later he returned , more excited than I had ever seen him . He found a vintage guitar and wanted to buy it . As he paced around , I encouraged him to go back and get it before someone else bought it . When he came back a few hours later , the apartment was clean , the prep work was done on the food , and all that was left to do was cook . Seventeen years , fifteen guitars and countless parties later , Bob still disappears on the day we have company . Each time he says he will be there to help , and each time he comes rushing in just an hour or two before company is expected to arrive . He does the cooking and he entertains as he does it . This Christmas Eve while I was home preparing a Feast of Seven Fishes for twelve people , he was at the galvanizing plant watching zinc melt . I could hear myself yelling above the sound of the vacuum cleaner , " seventeen years and he is never here to help me get ready for a party , why should this party be any different … " I was so mad . Then I stopped . The next voice I heard was my oldest brother saying the eulogy at my mother 's funeral . He was telling the story of how my father would always come home late on Christmas Eve because he would stop on the way home to visit his friends . My brother said , " Ma would get so mad … this happened every year . " When Bob finally got home , he was so excited . He said " the kettle didn 't crack and the temperature was at 850 degrees , right where it needs to be . Everything is going according to plan , the zinc should all melted and we will be ready to galvanize product on Tuesday . What do you need me to do ? I was thinking I would dust the guitars . " I tried not to be mad and replied , " Do what you want , I will have everything ready , all you have to do is cook and entertain . " I need to build a bat house . When we moved here in 2007 , there was one bat living on the front porch behind the shutter . She didn 't bother anybody , and nobody bothered her . Recently , though , there seemed to be more bat poop on the porch than usual . I kept checking at different times of the night to see if she was okay . Then , one night , I saw them , yes , them : six bats ! There are now six bats living on my front porch ! My friend , Alison , who loves animals of all kinds , told me if I put a bat house close to where they are now and made the spot they 're in now uncomfortable , they may relocate to the new house . Bat houses are fairly easy to build ; there are basic plans on a number of different websites . The houses are all pretty much the same - typically made of a couple pieces of plywood and some nails . Fabricating one , I determined , would not take long ; so I made a list and got myself ready to go buy the materials . There are two home improvement stores I could go to get what I need - one blue and one orange . The blue one is brightly lit ; the shelves are well stocked with goods that are neatly organized ; and the people who work there are very helpful . The orange store is dark . The aisles are lined with displays in front of shelves that are often messy and disorganized . The employees always seem too busy to help . So went the conversation , recently , at a disc dog contest . I brought my dog , Boston , but not a crate to keep him in . I wanted to drive the two - seater sports car , and a crate just didn 't fit . I wanted both , drive the Z3 and bring a dog . So , I had to leave the crate at home . Boston did really well on the drive down . He wore his harness and special leash that was buckled into the seat . He likes riding this way with the top down . He rested his head on my bag on the floor in front of the passenger seat , and slept most of the three and a half hours it took to get to the event . Going into the blue home improvement store , for me , is like walking on stage in a theater . As the bright lights shined in my eyes , I thought I heard an announcement on the intercom declaring , " Heeeere 's Debbie ! " I adjusted my eyes and saw the voice was coming from an associate who 'd just greeted me , and asked if I needed help finding the items on my list . Everywhere I went , I was afraid to touch anything . There was always someone behind me who wanted to know what I was making and giving me suggestions on how to improve it . My list became crumbled and soft , as I held it tightly in my hand . Despite all the help they offered , I could not find what I was looking for , and now had no idea how to build a bat house . I was humiliated , so I left with only my list . Boston was calm that whole day . A couple of times someone would trip on him , because they did not see him lying down on the ground near the admin table . I am not sure why everyone was so surprised . Just because I don 't compete with him doesn 't mean that I don 't train him . I take him with me a lot of places , and most of the time he walks along nicely with me or lays down and waits until I 'm done . If he can ride in a car with the top down , he can sit in a chair under a tent . I took Boston with me when I later went to the orange home improvement store . We walked in the contractors ' entrance door and were greeted by an employee in an orange apron which made him look much bigger than he actually was , who said , " Is that an Irish Setter ? He 's beautiful . " " Sometimes I take him hunting . We don 't kill anything , though . We go to a wildlife management park and he runs in a field of tall grass and points and flushes birds . " Before I went for the plywood , I stopped in the paint department . I am planning on painting the bat house the same colors as my house and front porch shutter . According to Bat Conservation International , bats are pretty particular about what color their house is . They live behind the shutter , so they must like the color . I figured I would make their house the same . While Boston and I waited for our turn at the paint counter , a woman rode up on one of those battery - powered carts . She stopped and said , " Oh , you have a dog . I almost didn 't see him . " She spoke in a heavy southern accent . " No , no , honey , he is fine right where he is . He is beautiful ! Look at him , just lying there being so good . Is he one of those show dogs ? " She was a very distinguished looking black woman . Her hair was gray . Her forehead had creases in it that hid a lifetime of wisdom . Smiling put the deep wrinkles around her mouth and eyes . Although I 'd never met her before , I knew her . She laughed as she said , " I wish I could take my dog with me , hehe , she laughed . " He would be jumping out of the chair , getting into everything ! Oh , no , I can 't take him anywhere . " " You train dogs ! I see so many stray dogs in the street , Lord ! " She looked down at Boston . " Maybe if some of those dogs had training on them , they could find homes . What 's your name ? " " Well , Miss Debbie , I think you are a wonderful person . Stay who you are . I will keep you in my prayers . " She looked away and drove off . I got my paint and went to the aisle where the plywood is kept . Stay who you are . . . Who am I ? I thought , standing there in front of the stacks of plywood . I am a humble dog trainer . My dog does not catch flying discs or retrieve game birds , but he does sit in a chair and behave himself in public places . I shop in the orange home improvement store . I do not seek the spot light or announce my presence . And I pay respect to wise women . Women who have the wisdom of ages and smiles on their faces . For the first time in our life , my younger sister weighs less than me . Big bones are what she was always told , and she believed it . Her weight was normal . She wasn 't fat ; I was skinny . I remember one time when I was in junior high school . Our parents made us trade seats at the dinner table so I sat next to my father and she sat next to my mother . My father was to make sure that I ate . Not that my mother wasn 't attentive , I just did what my father told me to . This was the alternative to putting me in the hospital . I was too skinny and they worried I had something wrong with me . No one has called me skinny for a long time . When I joined the Navy after college , I had to drink a gallon of water on the way to the induction center so I would weigh the required minimum of 105 pounds . At boot camp I gained almost 20 pounds and after four years in the service I weighed 145 , the heaviest I weighed in my life . The pounds came off , but I had to work at it . For the first time in my life , I had to watch what I ate and exercise . My weight has fluctuated between 135 and 150 ever since . My sister Maryann on the other hand has always weighed more . Not much more , but more , always more than me . Earlier this year , there was an oil spill at her house and she had to move out for a few months . Her and her husband stayed with friends and family until they finally settled into a hotel . By the time the environmental protection agency allowed them to live in their house again , she lost 8 pounds . It was a good start , so she tried to lose more . As of today she lost 45 pounds . She now weighs 15 pounds less than me . Becky called me last week . Becky and her husband have dedicated their life to reducing the excessive population of dogs and cats . They run a non - profit group called Dade Animal Resource Team . The primary mission of DART is spay and neuter . They raise money and transport over a thousand dogs and cats every year to low - cost spay / neuter clinics . They also facilitate temporary care and adoptions of stray , abandoned and unwanted pets . I have helped them out occasionally by providing free training for foster and adoptive families . I haven 't done much , not as much as I could do . " The rain from the tornado washed most of the wood chips off the field and replaced them with a layer of dirt . We now have weeds growing . Bob and I want to solve the drainage problem before we buy new wood chips . We have a plan , we just need to get going on it . " My sister looks great . I told her she inspired me to lose some weight . I am at the high - end of my acceptable range . Maryann was surprised and said I was the second person that week that called her that . Her weight loss coach was the first . She didn 't say it , but I wondered if that was the first time anyone ever called her that , an inspiration . She has trudged her way through life , just getting by and trying to be happy . She went to school , worked , and raised two kids on her own . It was hard , it is hard , but she does it , she has done it for a long time . After a life time of doing for her family , Maryann is finally doing something for herself . " Thanks Becky , I may just take you up on that . But I want to put some drainage in the road , before I start on the field . I think that is where the dirt is coming from . " Oh no . Did I not tell Becky I got a puppy , that I bought a puppy ? I thought I had but Mom died three weeks after I got her and I have talked to so many people , and I don 't know what I said to whom , and … and . Oh no . I didn 't tell her . When I told her I wanted a puppy , she asked me to adopt one , " there is such a need " , she said . I bet I didn 't tell her because I didn 't want to tell her . Since I last spoke to Becky I agreed to foster a dog . A young Irish Setter named Zoey . Her owners couldn 't keep her , so she is staying with Bob and I until a permanent home is found . We can 't keep her . Five dogs are too many . It is too expensive and I can 't manage that many dogs at once . Besides , Zoey needs a home with a family ; she is a great family dog . I talk a lot , but I don 't say much . I am actually pretty shy . Keeping secrets is a shortcoming . Not secrets about you , secrets about myself . Many people , even those closest to me , do not know very much about me . They are often surprised to find out even seemingly ordinary things about me . But there are people , those I know and those I have never met personally , who tell me my secrets . These short stories are about some of those people . She only stands shoulder high , but her presence is undeniable . When she smiles her teeth mash together as she crinkles her nose . It was impossible to avoid eye contact when she talks . She is my aunt . Memphis had a tough start to life . He was aggressive , and I could not control him . I came very close to putting him to rest . When he was only a few months old , he would go from sleeping peacefully in my lap to violently attaching the other dogs , Boston in particular . To manage his behavior and to keep the other dogs safe , I strategically placed baby gates , crates and air horns throughout the house . At the time , trying to manage the situation was all I could do , while I uncovered the cause of the behavior and to modify it . I used special collars and leashes , changed his food , gave him supplements and adhered to strict rules and routines . I would not let any of the other dogs stare at him ; they learned to look away and not make eye contact . Things improved , but there were still fights . When Memphis would get into a fight , my first concern was always safety . I didn 't want anyone to get hurt . My second concern was all of the dogs ' emotional states . I worried that Memphis was insane and that it was affecting the other dogs . They all learned to be cautious around him , but were they scared and unhappy too ? My mother liked to play bingo . This was the only time she ever went to church . Every Tuesday , she would ask one of us in the house to go with her . The answer was always no , but she went anyway . Bingo was for old people , it couldn 't be much fun . One week she couldn 't drive , I don 't remember why ; but I agreed to take her . I was nervous , not knowing what to expect . When we arrived at the church , we stood in line , waiting for the doors to open . It was important to get there early , so she could get her " usual seat . " The desk in the hall had piles of bingo cards on it . People bought a hundred of them . My mother got her cards , and I began to sweat . " I 'm with her , " I said . " I 'm just going to watch . " I followed my mother down the long hall into a huge room full of tables and chairs . We sat down in her usual spot . She spread out some of her cards . They were made of newsprint , so she took some tape out of her bag and taped them to the table . In her bag was also two plastic bottles of ink , a bright red wand with a magnet in it , lots of red translucent markers , and cash . She took one of the bottles of ink and dabbed the free , center square of the nine cards in front of her , then placed the bottle down . She was ready . Memphis had not gotten into a fight in almost four months . Then one night , Memphis and I were sleeping and I rolled over onto him and woke him . He instantly stood up on the bed , looked me straight in the eyes and froze . I was sure he was going to kill me , so I was quietly making a plan to defend myself . Then , just as suddenly as he 'd stood , he looked away , shook , jumped down off the bed , circled a few times , then got back on the bed , laid down and went back to sleep . He shook it off and was now sleeping ! I could not close my eyes . This was the moment when I knew he was better , this was the moment I saw him look away . " N32 . . . B14 . . . G50 . " The man calling the numbers was on a stage with a round basket next to him , and a large sign with numbers and letters above him . The sign would light up each time he spoke . " B1 ! " Everyone in the room swiped their bottles down the B column and dabbed the corresponding square on their bingo cards . No one spoke . Their gaze was on the cards and their ears alert for one word . " Only a few people know this : my husband is a recovering alcoholic . He has been sober for three years . It was hard for him to stop drinking , but he did it . We are still adjusting to our new life . " That conversation happened at a dog - training center . We were talking about Virginia , when she was about two years old . I was taking a class to prepare her for her Canine Good Citizen Certificate ( CGC ) . She did not approach strangers , she was uncomfortable when anyone pet her , and no one was allowed to touch her feet . I just accepted that she was shy ; I did not imagine it could be the result of a medical condition . After a few weeks of have having every person I saw pet her , touch her feet , and give her a treat , I made a vet appointment . Virginia learned to tolerate the attention , but was still never as accepting as a Golden Retriever should be . " The dog trainer ? Oh , . . . there is no need to test her thyroid . If she had a thyroid problem , her coat would be thinner she would have dry skin , and be overweight . Virginia is healthy . She is just shy . Some dogs are shy , even Golden Retrievers . " Most people think I am outgoing , because I talk a lot and I have no trouble talking to strangers . I am equally comfortable instructing a small group of adults and a gymnasium full of elementary students . I do , however , have a problem making friends and forming long - term relationships . I have only a few close friends . Typically , I only contact them when things are going well . When I hit a rough patch , I keep to myself . The friends who know me best know exactly how long to leave me alone , until they call or visit to bring me back to life . When I met Bob , we were working together in Charleston , South Carolina . The company was recruiting people from all over the country to build a " World Class Manufacturing Plant . " The first time he saw me , he told his friend , " Now , that 's trouble . " At the time , I was married to someone else , so I said no the first time he asked me out . The next time he asked , I said yes . My husband was still living in Indiana , and it was becoming clear he was not planning on moving . I was also realizing that I ran away from him , as much as I went to a new job . When it came to fight or flight , I always chose flight . Not long after that first date with Bob , my life changed dramatically . I divorced my husband , moved in with Bob , got laid off from work , found a new job , and moved to Nashville . During the time we were separated , Bob held our relationship together . On several occasions , I said I could not handle a long - distance relationship and I wanted him to let me go . He is a fighter . He fought to keep his job and me . Bob was the last one out of the building , when the plant closed 18 months later . He got a job with the new owners in Milwaukee , Wisconsin , and convinced me to come with him . We got married 5 months later . Bob and I stayed in Wisconsin from New Year 's Day to Valentine 's Day three years later , before moving to the Chattanooga area to build a manufacturing business . We were working together again and I was happy , really happy , for 12 years . Virginia did not pass her CGC ; she failed , not on the touching tests , but on the separation test . She did not like being left with Natalie for three minutes without me . She pulled , barked and lunged on the leash to get to me across the training building . I was not upset we failed ; she wanted to be with me , and that meant more to me than a certificate . After the test , Natalie recommended Virginia and I take her obedience class , saying that it would help socialize her . So we did . On the first night of class , a small , mixed breed dog leaned into her and growled . Virginia fled under a table . Then the dog blocked the entry into the training ring . The dog 's owner did nothing to manage his dog , so I picked up Virginia and carried her over the threshold . I thought , " What are you correcting me for . The owner of the other dog did nothing when his dog chased her away . That dog and owner need to learn how to behave around other dogs . In the meantime , I am going to protect Virginia . " I later learned that picking her up was the wrong thing to do , but for a different reason . Picking a dog up like that makes the dog and the person the target for attack . That did not happen . Virginia was safe , which was all that mattered . I have been teased and made fun of my whole life , and there were many times when I wished someone would pick me up and carry me to safety . I didn 't pick her up anymore , but I did get her out of harm 's way every time she was threatened . Three years ago , life took another turn . The owner of Bob 's business sold it to some bankers . The workplace was becoming hostile and he did not want me to get hurt ; so Bob fired me . For the first time , Bob started losing his grip on his work and his life . So , Bob stopped drinking . He withdrew into his work and his program . While he was holding on to his job and his sobriety , I was holding on to him . Then Virginia got cancer and died . I felt so alone , I wanted to jump into the grave with her . I cried for months . I still cry . Many of my friends believe I am having such a hard time with Virginia 's death , because I am mourning two losses : Virginia and my marriage . Now my mother is dead . Friends are asking how long I will stay with Bob . He is hardly ever home and when he is , he barely talks to me . He spends all of his time at work or at meetings . They say , " It 's been 3 years of grief and it may be time to move on . " They are right . It is time to move on , I need to quit grieving not my marriage . All my life , I have run away from my problems . This time I want to stay . I am feeling better . Wisconsin is beginning to fill the space that Virginia once held . She has brought play and joy back into the house , into my life . I don 't feel alone anymore . My mother is with me all the time now . We are no longer separated by time and distance . Bob is working hard to make a good life for us . What I need to do is stop pulling against the leash . He can 't pick me up ; but if I wait , he will come to me . Barking and lunging will not bring him closer . I am moving on . I am done grieving for my past , and I am staying right here . This time , I will not flee . I will fight .