Today it seems like nothing I do or say to my kids ever makes any difference . Today I sound like my mom . . . I find myself saying the exact same phrases , using the exact same tone that she did when we were kids . Today I wish we didn 't live in NYC , but anywhere else in the world where we could have a backyard and a room away from me where they can play and fight all they want , and I don 't have to hear any of it . The sad thing is , this has pretty much been my life everyday for a while now . My kids have decided that they would now like to begin their days at 5 : 30 am . 5 : 30 AM ! ! ! ! ! ! ! That is with their window completely blacked out with cardboard and foil . And I can 't just make them stay in there because Bart is still asleep and they apparently don 't understand what the words " be quiet so you don 't wake up Bart " mean . It is absolutely ridiculous . Especially when they are both still so tired and all they do is whine and cry and fight until it 's 7 : 00am , which is the designated TV time . Some days are better than others , and they will sit quietly and read or play with their toys . But many many days , it is only 9 : 30 am and I done . But then , it 's usually time to head outside , and things usually go up from there . So that 's something , right ? It makes me sad , because I love being a mom , and I love my kids so much , and I truly love it here , but man , life right now is hard . Pretty much everyday I find myself thinking " I have absolutely no idea what I am doing . " and " I don 't think I can do this anymore . " I am just hoping and praying that I don 't completely screw my kids up from yelling at them or grabbing their arms a little more firmly than I probably should be . And just so I don 't end this post on a completely horrible note . . . . I am grateful that I don 't have to do it alone . I have an amazing husband , wonderful friends who are a daily support and example for me , and a loving Heavenly Father who is just waiting for me , all day , every day , to reach out and ask for help . And when I do , it 's usually still really hard , but I feel His love , and it helps . I am grateful for running , because I get to be by myself . . . among other things : ) I had an absolutely fantastic day yesterday . Nate let me sleep in as long as I wanted , which was 9 : 30 , by the way . The best part was that I didn 't even feel guilty about it . I woke up to donuts , chocolate milk , juice and a card from a friend . Lovely . I 'm such a sucker for donuts . I gave myself permission to take the day off of working out , mostly due to the fact that my body was wasted , more than the fact that it was my birthday . I headed off to Macy 's to get some shoes . Shopped around a bit . Then headed up to 73rd and Columbus to the cutest little cafe that I have always wanted to eat at , but is not really kid friendly . I sat outside , read my book , ate lunch , sipped an ice cold beverage . It was wonderful . When I got home , my neighbor called and offered to take my boys for me , so I sent them to her house and then spent the rest of the afternoon baking a cake and cupcakes for Asher 's friend 's birthday party that was this morning . In the evening , Nate took me out to Oliva , a spanish restaurant on Houston St . It was good . After dinner we stopped at the Little Cupcake Bakeshop for some treats . They were playing a bluegrass cd and Nate wanted to see what it was , so he asked the girl behind the counter what the cd was , and she looked at him like he was stupid and said " bluegrass " . Nate just nodded his head and said " oooohhh " like he had never heard of it before . When I got home , I had to make some frosting and frost the cake so it could set up overnight . Just as I finished up , my parents called . It was nice to chat . It was a great day . I felt loved and remembered . That was nice , and made turning 29 that much sweeter . If you forgot my birthday , don 't fret . You can just pop right over here and leave me a " birthday present " in the name of charity . $ 1 . $ 5 . $ 10 . $ 20 . $ 50 . Whatever you can give . : ) The week before we left for Cape Cod , the boys and I headed out on an adventure with some friends . First stop was the Taste of Parks . They had all of the vendors from around Central Park giving out free samples right outside the Central Park Zoo . It was pretty delicious . From there we went straight to the zoo and watched the seals , the penguins , and then watched the polar bear swim back and forth about a hundred times . It was great fun . From there , we went over to the Children 's Zoo and the kids had a blast running around on the spider web and feeding the goats . Finally , after prying them away , we headed out and walked north along the east side of the park for a bit , until we came to one of the most awesome parks we 've been to in NYC . Well , really it was just a really cool slide . We were probably there for about 2 hours , and I kid you not , the kids did not stop going down that slide the entire time . Barty slept in the stroller . Eventually , I dragged them away and we caught the cross - town bus and then the subway home . It was one of my favorite NY days with the kids . Wow . I am completely overwhelmed by the generosity of those who have donated to the cause of Muscular Dystrophy so far . I have already surpassed my goal , but more importantly , a large donation has been made to this worthy cause . I am so incredibly grateful to those of you who have already donated . Just because my goal for the triathlon has been reached , doesn 't mean that anyone has to miss out on the opportunity to give to this wonderful cause . I know there are many of you who would still love to honor Timmy 's memory , help fight against SMA and support those struggling with SMA , so don 't let the fact that my goal has been reached stop you . Lets keep going and see how much we can do ! ! Remember , every little bit helps . People giving $ 10 helped me to reach my goal - - no amount is too small , and no amount goes un - noticed . On August 7th , I will be jumpin ' in the Hudson River off the 98th street pier , along with some three thousand other people , for the mile long swim that is the first leg of the New York City Triathlon . " Slather your body with vaseline " is the advice that I have received thus far , in response to me swimming in the disgusting water that is the Hudson River . I figure if thousands of people do it every year , it can 't be that harmful , right ? Let 's hope so . In the meantime , if you hear of something particularly nasty about the Hudson river , kindly keep it to yourself until after the race . Or forever . Thanks . I actually have the incredible opportunity to race for a charity , the Muscular Dystrophy Association ( MDA ) . I have known a few people with MD throughout my life , one of which is someone that I remember with great fondness and affection , who had an impact on me during his short life . I am doing this Triathlon in memory of Timothy Fegan . Timmy was born on February 27 1985 , was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy at the age of one , and was my neighbor . I have very distinct memories of going over to Timmy 's house to play or babysit . Most of those memories usually involve him at some point , wheezing or coughing and me freaking out and asking him if he was ok , to which he would reply , in a rather annoyed and impatient voice " I 'm fine ! ! " It makes me laugh just thinking about it . I always thought of Timmy as having a rather dry sense of humor , as well as having a pretty accepting attitude about his illness . I had the opportunity to talk to his mom , Tricia , a couple weeks ago to find out a little more of what life was like living with this disease , for both her and Timothy . Spinal Muscular Atrophy ( SMA ) basically means that the nerve impulses that your brain sends to your muscles to grow and strengthen never actually make it to the muscles . So Timothy really had no muscle tone and couldn 't do much of anything for himself , including holding his head up , sitting up , rolling over , and he had a hard time moving his arms and legs around . Tricia said that it was like taking care of a newborn , all the time . She even had to wake up in the middle of the night to change his position to a more comfortable one . SMA affects all muscle groups , so it also meant lots of respiratory problems , especially when he was sick with a cold , it was very hard for him to cough and clear out his lungs making it difficult for him to breathe . He was in and out of hospitals quite often , which contributed to his not doing that great in school as his education was disrupted so much . Despite his shortcomings in school , Tricia says he was a bright kid with a great sense of humor . She related a story that her father often tells about when he was babysitting Timmy . Timothy says : " Grandpa , I need a red crayon " " Ok , " grandpa says , " just a minute . " Still no crayon . Timothy asks for the crayon again and grandpa again asks him to wait just a minute . Finally , Timmy says : " Hey , grandpa , does your head hurt ? " Grandpa says : " no " . Then Timmy says while holding his fist in the air : " Well , it 's gonna hurt if you don 't get me that red crayon ! ! " She also told me a story about Timothy looking out for his younger brother Sam , who was 6 years younger than him . Sam was getting picked on by some older kids at a playground , so Timmy called him over and said : " Sam , I 'm gonna teach you karate " Sam was all ears as he awaited his big brother 's advice . Timmy goes on : " You gotta kick your feet and go hai - YA ! " So apparently , he was also an expert in karate and taming bullies . ; ) Whether his advice was useful or not , it 's clear that he loved his little brother , and wanted to do what he could to take care of him . Timothy also enjoyed drawing and watching movies . Some of his favorites included Free Willy ( his headstone actually has the free willy whale on it ) , The Rocketeer , Star Wars , and Jurassic Park . He loved to have visitors . Tricia said that he wasn 't always the most charming or gracious of hosts , but he did love it when people came over - - his grandparents in - particular . His bedroom overlooked the front porch and his bed was right by the window , so he could always see when people were coming and going . He was enrolled in a special ed program at one of the local public elementary schools . Tricia remembers going to visit and helping out in the classroom every once in a while , and it struck her that there were many kids that couldn 't speak or communicate in anyway . She got very emotional when she expressed how blessed she felt that at least Timmy had that - - the ability to talk and express himself . Tricia said that doctors told her that most kids with SMA don 't live for very long , and my research showed that the majority die before the age of 2 . Timothy lived to be 9 and 1 / 2 years old . He passed away on October 1 , 1994 , when his lungs collapsed due to an obstructed airway . When I asked Tricia what the hardest thing about being a mom to a boy with Muscular Dystrophy was , she said that it was feeling like no matter what you did , it would never be good enough . She would never be able to change anything . She wondered how it would be to be able to give part of herself and actually have it change the outcome of his life . Even now , she says , she still thinks back and wonders if she could have or should have done something differently , or better . I for one , greatly admire Tricia for the time and energy and love that she devoted to Timmy . I can 't imagine the emotional and physical stress that she experienced on a daily basis , although it was not anything that I ever noticed . I remember Tricia being very together and generally laid back about Timmy , letting kids play with him and push his wheelchair around at fast paces in the cultural hall at church . The only thing I remember her being uptight about was when I would ride my bike over to their house and drop it on the walk - way , causing cracks in the cement . : ) Sorry Tricia and Craig ! ! I saw for myself that despite being so limited physically , Timmy was a happy , fun boy , who had a mind and personality of his own , and family and friends that loved and adored him . I 'm grateful that I was able to know him and spend time with him . I think his little voice , proclaiming , " I 'm fine ! ! " will forever be ingrained in my mind . To this day , it still makes me smile , as it is a great representation of how I remember his personality . I am so happy to be able to share a little bit of Timmy 's life with you and to have the opportunity to race in his memory . I was very nervous about doing this , but it has ended up being a wonderful experience , to reach outside of myself and my family , to be a part of something a little bigger than me . All of the money I raise will go to MDA , specifically for Spinal Muscular Atrophy . It will go towards research for treatments and cures , supplying families with needed equipment and support , or helping to send kids to a camp specifically designed with their needs in mind . I need to raise $ 1000 , and have $ 900 left to reach my goal . Please take this opportunity to be a part of this cause , to make a difference in the lives of those who live with Muscular Dystrophy everyday . Any amount that you feel you can give will make a difference . Click here to donate ! ! Thank you so much for reading this post and for your support ! And thank you to Tricia and Craig for sharing more of Timothy 's life with me and allowing me to share it with others ! ! Posted by We had a wonderful 4th of July . It started out with a picnic breakfast in Morningside Park with some families from the ward . After some delicious fruit and crepes , we headed up a few blocks to 115th and Morningside , where a fire truck and ambulance parked and let the kids climb and sit inside . My boys were in little boy heaven . Asher probably took about 20 turns sitting in the fire truck . The firemen were so nice and they even let Asher put on their fire hat . It looked like it weighed about 20 lbs , so I can 't believe he could actually lift it , but it made him so happy . Sayer was scared to get in at first , ( that is so him , always the cautious one until he feels comfortable , then he is good to go ) but he eventually took a few turns as well . But he made me take him back and forth between the 2 vehicles a bunch of times so he could get his fill until he was ready to jump in . Eventually , the firetruck started it 's engine , the kids grabbed their scooters and we all walked up a few blocks and back , for a little 4th of July parade . When we got back to 115th , the fire truck hooked up to the hydrant and sprayed water for the kids to play in . It was such a great morning , and such a great neighborhood experience . Later in the afternoon , I met up with some friends at the 70th street pier on Hudson to stake out some spots for our families . We got there around 4 : 30 and got a great spot . Our family came around 6 : 45 , and the fireworks started about 9 : 30 . It was a long time to be sitting on that pier . Thankfully we had great company , beautiful weather , and awesome views . The kids stayed entertained by watching the boats and airplanes and playing with each other . . . for 3 hours ! I thought they all did pretty well . Someone was supposed to be going to sleep . He never did by the way . He sat in his stroller pretty much the entire time , and barely made a sound . I think he was tired and zoning . The fireworks were very impressive and we had a fantastic view . The kids loved them at first , Asher was even heard shouting " this is the best . night . ever ! " All the adults got a kick out of it . But towards the end they got scared . When the show was over , it took us about an hour and a half to get home . From the crowded Riverside park exits , to the ridiculously packed subways , there really wasn 't much we could do about it . Our kids were so tired . Asher fell asleep on the seat on the subway . I had started out standing next to him , but ended up getting pushed to the other side of the car from him . When we got on , there wasn 't enough room for Nate and Bart to squeeze in , so they caught the next train . When it was time for me to get off , I had to ask someone to hand Asher to me because there was no way I could get to him . Thankfully , everyone was really nice and helpful . We made it home in one piece and the kids put themselves to bed at 11 : 45 or so . Poor things . But I will say that it was all worth it . We had a very fun night , and it was worth all the effort . All the little kids look so cute ! Barty was pretty into the fireworks . According to Nate he was wow - ing and yay - ing the whole time . Waiting for the subway at the 72nd st station . He was so tired he just couldn 't stand . ; ) Summer so far has been so wonderful . I honestly love this city . There is always so much to do . I don 't pretend to even come close to doing it all . . . way too exhausting , but I am doing my best to get us out there to experience as much as possible . The best thing about the city though , is even low key days are awesome . On Saturday I had big plans to make it out to the Highline an Rainbow City down in Chelsea , but I just wasn 't feelin ' it . So we stayed local and had a wonderful day . Later in the day , the kids and I headed down to the gardens and playground at St . John the Divine . We saw the peacocks , climbed , played a little basketball ( Asher got extremely excited every time he made it into the hoop ) , ran , and just enjoyed being outside in such a beautiful place . Later that evening , Nate and I went to see the play , The Normal Heart . It closes in a week or so and wanted to make sure I saw it . The cast was absolutely amazing , and it was so exciting to see many of them live . I 'm not gonna lie , I was most excited to see Lee Pace , of Pushing Daisies . Let me tell you ladies , he is just as tall , dark and handsome as you would imagine . He wasn 't a bad actor either . ; ) The play itself was actually a little much for me . It started out light - hearted and funny . Towards the end of the first half and basically all of the second half , it just got very angry . So . Much . Yelling . I 'm not sure if it 's the actual events that were frustrating or the way the story was told , but it was very victim - y , and it felt very much like they were trying to make every person in the audience have a very specific response , which I didn 't like . By the end , everyone around us was so somber and quiet , with many actually in tears . It was a little much for me . Like I said , it might be because I had certain opinions about the subject matter that made it hard for me to have that kind of response , but either way , I left feeling like it wasn 't my favorite and I don 't ever need to see that again , nor would I necessarily recommend seeing it . It was , however , verPosted by We had a marvelous time in Cape Cod with our little family ( and Jillian ; ) . It was all really last minute . I was looking around on Craigslist and there was a last minute house rental special for the rest of June since no one had rented it yet . It was the perfect size , price and location for us , and after I contacted the owners , it all fell perfectly into place . Of course , I completely forgot to take a picture of the cute house , as well as our totally awesome gangsta ' rental car . It was one of these babies : That 's right , we were riding in style ! We left on Thursday afternoon with every spare inch of the car packed with clothes , food , carseats , kids , and whatever else we thought we could possibly need during our week away . I can 't describe how big of a pain it is to get out of the city when you don 't own a car . First Nate had to take the train and bus to Teaneck , NJ ( over a hundred dollars cheaper than getting a car in the city ) to get the car , then he had to drive it back . Then we packed the car . We don 't have any carseats out here , so we piled in the car with Bart on my lap . Thank goodness the back windows were seriously tinted . Driving the 10 minutes to my friends apt to pick up the carseat felt like a lifetime with the kids crawling all over the place and touching everything . Finally , with the kids strapped in their carseats , we were on our way . We got in around midnight and went straight to bed to gear up for a week of beach fun . Here is our trip in pictures . . . First up , mini golf . The kids were SO excited to do this . It was super expensive , but I think it was worth it for the fun they had . Sayer 's golfing was awesome . He would basically put the ball right next to the hole , and then proceed to take about 4 or 5 shots to get it in . Eventually he would just push the ball in with his club . Waiting patiently for the people in front of us to finish The obligatory picture of me , to prove I was actually there I can 't remember what this place was called , but it was sure pretty . We were going to go to the beach there , but it was pretty un - impressive , so after we had our fill of scenery , we headed to Seagull Beach . Seagull Beach . This beach was about a mile away from the house , but it cost money , so it was a little bigger . The kids loved it . Asher made tons of friends that day . He probably talked to the lifeguards for a total of an hour . Asking them all kinds of questions I 'm sure . I wasn 't over there with him , but they were really nice and talked to him and answered his questions and showed him stuff . I made sure to thank them for being so nice to him . I said he likes to talk , and they said , yeah , he likes to talk a lot ! Bart was completely fearless at the beach . He would just walk straight out to the water and walk in . The water was a little cold , but not too unbearable . There weren 't really any waves , which I was sad about at first , but then I was really glad because it made it so much easier for the boys to swim . And swim they did , whether it was warm or cold outside , they didn 't care . Bart also loved to stand on the beach chairs . Don 't ask me why , but he spent a good portion of his times on the beach scaling the chairs and lounge . Isn 't he just a doll ? ! He had lots of admirers at the beach . Private Beach . This was the private beach down the road from the house that we had access too . It was actually really nice . Very small , but really calm and shallow waters . Not to mention beautiful homes to look at ! Bart loved the water . He would just sit there and splash and throw rocks for 20 minutes at a time . The boys made lots of friends on this day as well . I was so impressed with how brave Sayer was . I expected him to be too scared to swim , but he would just head on out there . On this particular day , Asher was standing on a fence by the beach houses and couldn 't get down so he started calling for me . Right before I reached him , he slipped backwards and hit his forehead right on the corner of a rock . I was so worried that he was going to need another round of stitches , but it barely broke the skin , although it bled plenty . Poor thing . I was able to remain calm this time though , so that 's progress . : ) Jillian arrived on this day and met us at the beach . The boys were so excited to have her there , and she was so great to play with them . Dennis . This was my favorite place in Cape Cod . It was this cute little town with beautiful homes and parks and fun restaurants . If we ever go back , that is where I want to stay . This beach was a great beach too . Nice and big . We discovered boogy boards in the garage of our house and brought them to the beach and the kids were in heaven . They had been trying to steal other kids boards the previous days . Sayer said : " mom , I 's like yours babing suit ! " and then gave me the thumbs up . Such a cute kid ! I actually bought a new swimsuit for this trip . The process of buying it was made even sweeter due to the fact that I was able to buy it in the size I wanted to be wearing ! ! Happiness . I loved this rock jetty , or whatever it 's called . I wish I could 've stood on it and gotten a picture of the ocean . This was one of the few beaches that wasn 't a cove , but a huge span of ocean . Barty had no problems entertaining himself . On this day , he did get super cranky . He was so tired , not to mention covered in sand . It made for one sad baby boy . I don 't know what he was doing on the boogie board - - some sort of yoga / plank poses . This was a really cool area . It was like a sandbar or tide pool area . The water had gone out and there were lots of little crabs and fishes that the kids could pick up . They loved it of course . I love this picture of Sayer in his hat . It reminds me of my dad and how he sometimes wears his hats just barely touching the top of his head . He looks like a little truck driver . Bart - - wet , sandy , licorice faced . . . it wasn 't long after this picture that he started to lose it and Nate too him to get showered and change . He was done . I love his belly in this picture . We had seen this really cool playground on the way to the beach , so we decided to go there after the beach . It was in such a pretty area and had really cool things to play on . The kids had a blast . Right after this we walked down to the ice cream parlor and had some of the best ice cream I 've ever had in my life . I think it was called french raspberry truffle . mmmmmm . . . it was SO good ! Provincetown . Otherwise known as P - town . We drove about an hour to get there , and despite Jillian having to hold Asher on her lap the entire time ( again , thank goodness for those tinted windows ) we were not sorry that we did . First stop was the Lobster Pot . It was delicious . An older couple on their way out stopped to admire our adorable children and to say how well behaved they were . Ha ! I had to tell them that our secret was that they were actually watching Kipper on Nate 's iphone . But , happy and well behaved they were . And they ate all their food , which is always a bonus . Bart stayed happy with crackers and bread before I fed him his lunch and left to put him to sleep in the stroller . On my walk to put him down , I was able to pop into some stores and get some christmas ornaments to remember our trip by . I am not a huge lobster girl , so I played it safe with the lobster ravioli , but Jill and Nate went all out , bibs and all ! After lunch we decided to hit up another playground , which the kids loved . To be honest , we were waiting for it to get a little later so that we wouldn 't have to pay to go to the beach . How cheap are we ? ! After the playground , we went to the National Sea Shore visitor 's center which was actually really cool . Beautiful views , a cool movie and lots of fun books for the kids to peruse . We finished up there around 5pm and headed straight to the beach . This was one of my favorite beach times . There was practically no one there , the sun was setting , it wasn 't too hot , the boys were having a blast , It was beautiful , and I got this adorable picture . . . Bart in his diaper , sitting next to his dad , playing with rocks and water . I think they sat like that for about 30 minutes . It was such a precious sight . and then he made his way back up to me and Jill , saggy diaper and all . Taking a little break for some Trader Joe 's cereal bars . Love those ! I think we went through about 5 boxes during the week . Again , the token picture of me . I think we would have stayed here a lot longer , but the kids were getting really hungry so we had to head out . It was so beautiful and peaceful though . We went to the grocery store , got some dinner , took it back to the playground for a picnic , then piled in the car to head back home . We got back really late and the kids went right to sleep . It was the perfect last day . The next morning we packed up and left around 10am . It was a long drive home , and it took the kids a couple of days to get over their sleep deprivation , but it was all worth it . A week full of beach days and absolutely perfect weather was just what our family needed . Adventures that were not pictured include Nate taking the boys to Cars 2 , which he was disappointed with , but the boys had fun seeing their first movie in the theaters . Nate says he thinks their favorite part was the popcorn and lemonade . Not surprising . I think he took them on Sunday . I stayed home with Bart that day and read an entire book from start to finish . It was nice ! Also not pictured are our fun - filled evenings , which consisted of a lot of reading ( I read 3 books ) , Ok , so I guess we have this one picture of me reading . movies , brownies and ice cream , and my personal favorite , Tosh . 0 . A tad on the crude and inappropriate side , but man , I laugh so hard at that show . Posted by Wife of a musician . Mom to four crazy little boys . Lover of many things . . . family , mothering , running , baking , hot yoga - ing , party throwing , dancing , cooking , healthi - fying my life , chick - lit , chick - flicks , girls nights out , pretty things , travel , day dreaming . . . the list goes on and on . This blog is a place to talk about all of this and more . View my complete profile