The moment comes , when we have to say goodbye . Goodbyes not for the end of a relationship between us and our loved ones , but to see them returning away overseas . A piece of us leaves with them . The heartaches that grows while we stand there trying to accept the reasons that takes them back to the place they call their second home . We can do nothing but pray for them to get there safely . Everyone has someone who lives overseas , who can 't find the opportunity in their own country to work . They are forced to leave , leaving behind them their families and friends , the friends they were raised with . At some point they have to sacrifice in order to live . It 's not easy to leave the place of your birth , that will always leave them feeling torn . Always missing the places they used to go when they were kids . The memories still stuck in their minds as they traveled the whole world . Even if they became rich and famous , they will always want to go back to the places where they used to go as little kids . Always have that desire to relive the moments , the moments that became their past when they had to leave overseas for a living . It used to be harder to leave . There was no internet to connect to family , sometimes it took months to receive a letter from loved ones . The phone calls were too expensive to make . The trips took longer , and to be a world apart from each other really meant to be apart . In the past , things were harder than nowadays . These days , it 's much easier . It 's true that technology has made the world a small village . The letter that used to arrive after a month now arrives in a minute , or a second , by email and Fax . Cameras can allow us to see a person in any place in the world . All these things have helped people to keep in touch with each other . And also erased thoughts or doubts that people used to have , when they had no idea where their loved ones are now living . They used to wonder where they lived , what the country looked like . These days , it 's enough to Google the place , type the country name and But still we can 't ignore the danger of traveling , of crossing the seas to live in another country . Still not easy to be accepted , especially for parents , they always wish to have their children around them . Living with them in the same country , in their home . Technology can 't erase that feeling of pain when we wave goodbye to our loved ones and watch them disappear away . Even if we know that after they leave we are going to send them messages via facebook , or make a skype call with them , or email . The ache will stay , the distance still stands between us . Wishing they are here at this moment , we recall the food they like , and wish we could send them even a bite . We recall the places where we were with them , the laughter , specific words they use and that we love to hear them say . It makes us smile to recall those moments from the past , but even if they are writing to us , still our eyes are wet because the distance is still there to pain us . Worse though is the plane accidents that happen every year . Thousands of people moving between their country and another , who never make it to their destination . Killed while they traveled , coming down into the sea , some bodies lost , others so damaged they can 't be recognized or identified . While they float in the ocean , their families and friends are waiting for them in an airport . How painful it is to wait for someone who will never come back again ? Technology can do nothing about that . It can 't ease the hurt of their families , it can 't change the bitter fact that they gone and will not return . How many people have been lost in the skies , and in the oceans and seas ? The danger of flying is always there , the possibility of never seeing our loved ones again after they travel away overseas . Every day a huge number of people are moving from country to another . Some of them are now saying goodbye for the last times to their families , but they don 't know that yet . Some of them left their home last night only to find after they arrived that their mom or dad or one of their families has passed away . Would they have left if they knew it was their last goodbye , or would change their life forever , losing someone they love . Airports are full of travelers , some who are welcoming people with happiness and tears of joy , and others who are waving goodbyes with pain and tears of sadness . Are they going to see them again , who knows ? Others are postponing their flights to spend more time with their friends and family . Some others are afraid to leave at all , or decide to return to their country to live the rest of their lives with their family . The flights taking people overseas hide so many things . The possibility to see people again and the possibility to never see them again , that too is always there . Nothing could describe our happiness when we open the door and see our loved ones surprising us after they 've been overseas for years . The feeling of joy and pleasure to see them again is beyond description . And nothing Jinan She sits in silence her tears pouring down , her hands shivering and dancing to the rhythm of her heart beat . It 's a glimpse into what surrounds her , a past that turns her world around . Calling out names of people who have faded away , nothing in her ears except the echo shaking her cold body . Nothing in her eyes but tears , she 's a woman in black living moments of fear … What covered her soul with sadness ? What made her wings too weak to fly as high as she had dreamed ? She had been an angel with a pure heart , no wounds caused by lies , not afraid to walk in the sunshine , wise and full of life . Now she 's an aching heart , dancing in the dark with broken wings . When she falls and another wound appears on her body , she 's content with her bleeding skin . But there are other wounds that are hidden inside of her heart . She heads to her closet to pick a colorful dress , maybe it can help her to take a step to happiness , she hope so anyway . If she could change the colour she wears , picking her favorite dress with a broken smile , she thinks she might change her dark mood for a colorful one . But standing in front of her mirror , what she sees is herself wearing black again , how come she wondered looking down , it 's a colorful dress , but a glimpse into the mirror and it 's black again … It 's the reflection of her aching soul in the mirror , that can 't allow her to be happy , won 't allow her to fool herself by covering her body with a colorful dress . She 's not smart enough to fool her soul , it 's not about her body , it 's about what lies within . When skin is wounded it bleeds , but then it heals . Maybe there will be a scar as a reminder of the wound , maybe not . But when her soul is wounded , it is a hurt without bleeding or screaming , and she is lost in a body that doesn 't know what to do . A wounded prisoner in a sad body , that can 't give up , yet can 't escape . That is the blackness in the woman 's soul … She would break her mirror to destroy the truth she 's denying … . The truth that hurts , the truth that would always be there … Leaving her room the pieces of her mirror cover the floor , they seem to her like shards of her aching soul … . Please Lord give me strength she screams silently , asking for the power to feel strong enough , to stand up on her own again . She has faith to ask God for help , to look up in prayer when everything else would turn her down . When none of those passing can give their hands to help her up , only God is willing to do that . She knows that all those who came her way may be good people , but still they turned , to become a pain in her life , turned now into illusion . The love she gave taken for granted , the friends she trusted have left her alone with doubt , and those who passed away have left her with a dead heart and a soul in pain , turning her days into black . So many questions she asks hersShe 's a young woman who was surrounded by big numbers of friends , but started to lose them one by one until she ended up alone . She has memories that she keeps of things she can 't feel or see any more . The breeze touching her face , the flowers and the trees playing in breeze , the giggling of kids and their innocent faces . Recalling them makes her feel a little alive , but all that she hears is a killing silence that she fears . She can feel the happiness of other women with their children and their men when they are pass her by , but yet she can 't dare to wish to have a family and kids too . It 's spring time and the sun is shining outside , she touches her lips making sure she 's smiling , heads to her closet to try to figure out which colorful dress to wear , picking her blue dress , she never looks at her mirror . Standing on her balcony she tries to be strong , a passing neighbor tells her she looks good today , she smiles , forgets herself and goes to see herself in the mirror , all she sees is black . Her soulful eyes fill with tears , ruining her make up , she breaks down on the floor , and breaks another mirror , it 's not her mirrors fault . Darkness is covering her life . There is only her faith left now to light up her way . She searches again and again through her faith to re - find her security and joy . She 's a blind woman fighting every day to find her way back to happiness . In the past she was a happy girl full of life . They all see her as the girl in the ever - changing colourful dresses , she has her own world . In her sight everything has changed , she has forgotten the sensation of being happy , she accepts the bitter fact , she 's a woman in black . " Yes , I 'm his father " . With head bowed down and his words come with a breeze of shivering , showing that he already expected to hear what that man is coming to say . The Officer went ahead with his talking , saying " we found his body beside your wife 's grave after we received a phone call , we are sorry to bring you such sad news sir " . He stood in a killing silence for minutes , wishing it 's a nightmare , he can 't stand on his legs any more , his knees felt so weak . The room seems so dark though it 's only just past noon and the sun 's shining . Spring was carrying a promise of days filled with happiness and so many plans to share with his 19 years old son Dani , but the news he just heard will carry nothing but cloudy days with endless sadness … Heading to the hospital is the longest ride he ever drove . He felt like the road is getting longer , though the distance between his place and the hospital is only 15 minutes . He recalled the times he brought his son to this same hospital two years ago with his wife , who passed away after suffering from cancer . They had only had the one son , Dani , and he was the world to both of them . But now he feels so apart from the world , he 's driving not sure if he 's taking the right road , can 't figure out if the track will lead him to the hospital to see his son for the last time , or to his wife 's grave to tell her how much he needs and misses her presence in that moment … . After he reaches the hospital , his weak steps want to pull him back , he wants any excuse to get back into the car . He is scared about the coming moment , the moment that will reveal to him the cause of the death . Although he 's sure what was behind it , still he never expect that things would end up in this painful way … . " Sorry for your loss " the doctor says as he entered the room , but the father interrupts him , asking " what 's the cause of death ? " " Overdose " the doctor replied … " we found a trace from drug needles in his hands , your son was a drug addicts and it seems he reached to the highest level " . The father collapsed crying , feeling he was accusing himself of killing his son , saying " I never wanted to read the signs . " But now the signs of Dani 's death would be in front of his eyes for the rest of his life , every time he visits his sons grave . " RIP Dani . . " Dani lost his mother when he was aged 17 years , at the age where he needs caring and loving people in hi life . After he suffered seeing his mother fighting with cancer for more than a year , he lost his mom , but in an indirect way he lost his dad too . For his dad was drowning in agony , his wife 's illness affecting his life , and he forgot that he had a son who needed him and feeling the same bitter pain from losing his mother . With days their life changed , Dani used to come back home from school and see his mom in the kitchen preparing his food , waking him up in the morning , taking him to school if he 's late to catch his bus … After she was diagnosed with cancer she never changed her caring treatment towards her son and husband , not until the disease progressed too far and she got really tired … When his mother passed away , for Dani there was no need to be home after school , especially when his father was not there anymore too . Even if his father was there in body , in his mind he was with his wife . For Dani it meant he lost both his mom and his dad … . Dani started to hang out more than he should have been allowed to , at age 18 he had his first beer , then he started to party with guys he met in the bars and in the streets , he got involved more and more with them . He felt much better when there was something distracting him from feeling lonely , and his pain he lived in after his mom 's passed away … He used to obey his parents to be at home before midnight , now spending the night out was a normal thing to him , he didn 't have to sneak back to his bed , he simply returned through the main door of the house . He knew his Dad was asleep , and his mom was no longer alive to keep up waiting and worry for him … Though there was no rules to follow , he missed fighting with his mom about coming late home . He missed her presence , he used to think that she 's going to be waiting for me tonight , but she never was … . With his father careless towards him , Dani was drowning , and after every visit to his mom 's grave he wThe last talk Dani had with his father was actually a fight , a big fight . He left home and never come back again for days . His dad saw by accident the marks on Dani 's hands , the needle track 's . He was worried that his son was using drugs . He wanted to contact a treatment center to send his son to , to help his son to clean his body from this poison … He went to his son 's room , he tried to find something that would tell him that maybe he was wrong , but all the things that belonged to his son were missing … For three days he though and hoped his son was just spending time at a friend 's place and he would come get back home as usual . He was wrong , when he opened the door to an Officer instead of opening it to welcome his son , he knew that Dani would never step into this home again , that he was alone in this place … . Drug abuse - there are so many reason that lead guys , especially teenagers , to fall into this trap . Family problems , violence , divorce that affect the children , lacking for caring and love , etc . . Boys / girls can try to find something to help them forget their problems , the fake happiness that can be waiting for them in any place they go ; school , street , party , trip etc . The noose is ready to surround their life and kill them in any moment they lose faith and hope to save themselves … Some people start their addiction through painkillers , and they get involve without even thinking it might lead them to be drug addictions . Once they accept the first cigarette that contain drugs they are putting the rope around their neck . The more they get involve the more that killing loop tightens on their life , the higher they get the closer they are getting to death , until the moment comes when the loop get so tight they can 't breath , or even scream for help … . Dani 's father stood by his son 's grave after the funeral , knowing how much he had ignored his son after his wife was gone … He thinks of his son and the times they spent together , the laughter they had , but all those memories he recalls were two years ago . He feels as if he has never seen him since he last saw his wife . His son was in front of him all the time but they never shared anything after mother passed away … Now he needs his son . He cries for them both , he feels guilty and collapses on the grass … He asks his son to forgive him for the times he didn 't see him though he was standing in front of him . He apologize for the words he never heard , while he acted as if he did … He knew it 's not Dani 's fault , it was his own . Dani took the overdose beside his mothers grave , that much he missed her to follow her , that much he was desperate … It was a moment , when my world collapsed in front of my eyes , I stood there paralyzed . . Couldn 't move , couldn 't breathe . . In less than a moment , the laughter turned into screams . . My eyes were suddenly full of tears . I was lost in my place , didn 't know what to do . I was supposed to be preparing myself to leave home , but instead I was searching the rooms for nothing , searching for no one , trying to deal with what I heard turned in a moment my whole world . My grandpa passed away which shocked me since he was in good health . He left without any warning . . I wondered why the people we love the most all leave this life without having the chance to say goodbye . . On my way to my grandparents ' place , I kept on thinking of his smiling face ; doubting myself to stand that heavy heart of mine and all the sorrow that just landed in my soul . My grandfather was a very special person . . Since the moment I opened my eyes on this life , I 've never seen a frown on his face . His smile was a great part of his life . On my way to my grandparents ' place , memories of all the good days I shared with him since I was a little girl till the day he left were coming so fast on my mind . We were about to arrive to the place , but something inside of me was wishing for the first time to never reach the place . When we got near the house , I looked as usual at the place where I used to see him sitting under the apricot tree , I used to tell my brother " Look at my grandpa . He 's under the tree " , and he used to smile and wave for us before the car entered to the place and park . The first thing we used to do is head towards him , give him a hug and joke a little . Then we 'd go and see my grandma . But today the moment I saw the apricot tree from distance , it was a bitter fact that his presence wasn 't there anymore . I couldn 't stand not seeing him there with his wonderful smile again . We got to the place ; many cars were there ; I crossed the road looking at the empty chair he left thinking something so precious was missing here . He 's notNext day in the funeral , I saw him for the last time . He was lying there as if he 's sleeping ; I kept staring at him begging him silently to get up . My soul was aching . . It was a different kind of pain , never felt it before . I couldn 't take my eyes off him , I wanted to my eyes grow his image in my mind more and more . When it 's time to take him away , a piece of my heart went with him when he disappeared , for the words I screamed I wished if he had heard me , for the tears I cried to see his smile again , I spent years with my grandpa , he was spreading the laughter and the joy to my life but I never knew that in one day he will take them with him when he leaves this life . We 'd never think that our loved ones would leave us someday , maybe because when we look for them we always find them where we expect them to be . We feel that if we left them even for months and years , we 'll eventually find them there waiting for us . But when they leave us , it 's not their choice to leave without saying goodbye to their loved ones . We know how much their presence in our life was important more than anything . The little words they used to say , the way they used to look . . It all comes back to our mind . . We start to search for the very little memory we shared because it turns into a treasure , the more we recalled them , the more we become richer by adding their memories to our days . I still see my grandpa everywhere , with smile upon his lips , and the light of love always shining from his eyes . Since I was a little girl and till the day he left , I 've never seen him angry . He had a beautiful soul . . He was so lovable . . Even though he has left this world , his presence remains everywhere . It was not easy losing someone who was a great part of my life . Suddenly he left with so many memories to remain . I miss him so much though he left two weeks ago , but I 'm feeling as if it has been a decade . Now I go to his place , I see emptiness everywhere , the chair he left under the apricot tree , his wonderful smile he used to welcome us when0 . 000000 I thought she was still overseas , but not after a mutual friend asked me if I saw her lately , because that mutual friend heard that my best friend can 't walk anymore . " What are you talking about ? " I asked her with shock and then suddenly the room was spinning . " Yes , " she continued , " She came back from the Emirates weeks ago but I couldn 't see her yet . I heard she 's now paralyzed . " I was with my brother back then and I asked him to take me to see my friend immediately . On our way to her place , I was trembling , and thinking how could I see her sitting on a wheel chair ? Do I have the guts ? I wasn 't sure I had it in me back then ; all I wanted to do is to make sure my close friend is fine . I felt as if a part of me started to get paralyzed too . We arrived ; my brother said he 'll wait for me in the car . With hesitation , I walked towards the stairs , and I wished if I could run away from that place . I wanted to see my friend but I couldn 't stand the idea to see her in pain . My love and worry for her was pulling me to see her . With every step I took my fear for her was increasing ; I knew how weak I was , and how my love for her is deep . I reached the door , and didn 't want anything to change , so I knocked on the door and pushed it open as I used to do . I walked in calling out her name . Her parents were in the kitchen , a wide smile appeared across each of their faces when they saw me . I directly asked them where she was . Her mother said " Here she is " pointing at the kitchen door . I turned back and my heart sank ; she wasn 't paralyzed as my friend had heard , but she wasn 't the same person I knew . She was pale , walking slowly , not sure of her steps and trying to maintain her balance by placing her arms ahead of her . Her eyes were almost closed ; she was putting an effort to open them . With a soft voice she asked : " I 'm hearing a voice , who is there ? " And she recognized me right away , without me even saying a word . She smiled her usual smile and said : " Jinan , I can 't believe you are here " . I gave her a big hug and wished my hug could return my friend back to me . I felt her soul , her pure heart , but her shape was not the same . She lost a lot of weight , her eyes kept on blinking more than usual , and she kept on looking above as if something was pulling her head up . She led me to the sitting room . I turned to her mother and whispered " What 's wrong with her ? " Her mother replied : " Something in her stomach , we don 't know yet , she has an appointment with the doctor this week , hopefully we will know " . We sat in the sitting room , but I had to tell her that I 'm coming for five minutes to check on her . She insisted that I stay for lunch but I couldn 't accept her invitation . I watched her moves , her hands that kept on shivering . I was praying that she will be fine soon . She didn 't let me go before I gave her a promise to come back for a long visit next time . When it was time to leave , she asked me about my brother , and she said : " I want to walk with you to the car to see him " , at that moment I felt scared . I had a hunch , that she was going to the car to say bye to my brother and I for the last time , I hoped back then that hunch wasn 't true . I supported her all the way to the car . Even my brother was surprised after he saw her and how she changed . I got in the car and noticed she 's facing difficulties by going up the stairs . " Let me help you " , I said . " No , I can do it " , she replied . I insisted after I saw her supporting herself on the wall , but she said she 's fine . I couldn 't take my eyes off her . I felt there is a part of me that wanted to help , my eyes that were willed to support her was all I could do . While I was watching her fading away , I told my brother that I 'm so worried about her . Deep inside of me , I felt she 's going to leave this world soon , but I didn 't want to believe it . After my short visit to her place , a few days passed and I called my friend to talk to her but they told me she was hospitalized for some tests and she will be back home after days . I waited for days , but she never got out of the hospital . They said she has a disease in her head and they don 't know what it was yet . They said she 's in real danger . I wasn 't sure I had the courage to go to the hospital to visit her . I wanted to go to her place and see her in good health , not lying in bed , can 't survive to even talk . I decided to wait until she came back home to see her , and was asking all people who were visiting her how she was . But the news wasn 't good enough . She couldn 't talk , or hear and they said she couldn 't see too . Then they told me she went into a coma . It was a Saturday afternoon when I received the news . They said that she had died . I was going to see her on Tuesday but she was gone . I was trying to convince myself all the time that she will be home soon ; it was the fear of watching her leaving so soon that made me believe I 'll see her in good health again . I remember that I didn 't say a word the moment I knew she died . I stood on the balcony , in deep silence . The tears were shedding from my eyes as I was staring on without blinking . I stayed for hours like that ; I couldn 't scream or cry out using a loud voice . I was paralyzed and I knew the meaning of being paralyzed back then . All I was seeing was her face when I visited her for the last time , the way she was telling me that she passed her exams . She was overwhelmed even though she was in pain . I don 't know who to blame , did I disappoint her ? Or did she disappoint me ? Or is it neither of us to blame ? It was fate . God 's will was to take her at that early age . The next day , my parents went to her funeral , but I didn 't . I couldn 't stand it ; to see her lying there without any movement . I admit I was a coward for not accepting the fact that she 's going to leave forever . I felt my heart was about to stop beating that day , it was too much pain . I 've never lost anyone in my family or any close friends , but that day I felt I lost my whole world . This year is her 7th memorial , I still think of her where I left her for the last time at her place , down stairs . I still expect to see her there if I went again to see her parents . But I never went there . I remember I passed once by her village but all the while my knees were shivering and I couldn 't breathe . I didn 't know how lucky I was to have a wonderful friend until I met her , I never knew how weak I was until I lost her . I miss her every day ; I miss how she used to walk a long distance to visit me every time she came to see her grandparents . I still remember her shiny face when I open the door saying with a lovely smile : " See ? Even Though I don 't like walking but I walked all this distance just to see you " . I used to feel so happy back then . After her death , hearing a knock on the door made me run to open the door expecting her standing there , and it took me a long time before I got over that feeling . I still think of my friend standing where I left her , the last thing I did , is asking her to be careful while going up the stairs , the last thing I heard from her , is : " Don 't worry I 'm fine " I wanted to get out of the car and help her back then . I felt maybe it could be hard on her because helping her might have made her feel powerless . That was the main reason why I agreed to let her walk by herself . Now I regret it ; I wish I went and helped her just to gain a few extra minutes with her . I promised her to be back again , but I never did . While I kept on praying for her , hoping to see her in good health , she was dying . After I had the guts to see her , I was waiting to visit her in the hospital , but she didn 't wait . Maybe she waited days for me , but I never showed up . I know she thought of me . I know she wondered why I didn 't go to see her , but I still didn 't know why I lost all my courage to accept the fact that I 'm about to say goodbye to my precious friend . It 's her 7th memorial and I still think she 's there where I left her for the last time . I still cry for hours sometimes when I think of her , as if she left this world yesterday . It was easy to be a coward when I was late to visit her , but hard to be strong when I think of her … Sometimes we don 't read the signs ; it would be so easy if we do . Other times we don 't follow our hunch no matter how much we believed it 's true . It 's the moment that we stand there in denial , ignoring the fact that we are about to lose someone we truly love . We keep on convincing ourselves that things are going to be fine , just to avoid watching them leave . Even though we miss saying goodbye , hoping that some day they will stay where we left them for the last time . Fear , this feeling that makes us feel weak , sometimes paralyzes us and won 't allow us to move forward , always backward … . We fear from flying or taking the risks but do we really fear from flying or the reality we are scared from falling down ? Any chance we miss , the hesitation crosses our mind , bad ideas flow towards our imagination , and one question is to ask : " Are we scared of taking those chances or is the real fear about missing them ? Life goes on if we just let all what happens to us go with a smile , the smile won 't heal but it gives us hope to move forward , all the tears we cry endlessly , it hurts our eyes but also purifies our heart and soul . It gives us new look towards certain things or certain people we meet … Everything happens for a reason … The people who come to our path from nowhere , some come for a very short time and leave after they cause a huge heartache ; and those who become a big part of our lives for years , they just let us down for no reason , life changes them ; and those who swear nothing will set us apart , they would be the first to betray the friendship by being the first to push us down . We better let them all go with a smile , never regret knowing them . How many times we ask why ? But do we truly want to know the answers ? ? We worry about knowing the truth because sometimes behind every truth there is a mask that will fall down from a face we used to love … behind every word why ? There is a truth that will be revealed , behind every question we ask why ? The reality of those who we used to miss might show , a smile might fade away with those who promised to come back someday , but never did … Maybe it 's better to keep asking why ? Without knowing the reason , though we keep wondering , but it 's better to let it go with a smile … God sends a lesson with every one of them to make us learn whom we should trust , and to whom we should really give other chances , and the what 's more that God teaches us through them , is the great lesson of " Forgiveness " . Never have hard feelings towards those who caused you heartaches . Forgive them , let them go with a smile from your heart , and have faith that God will send you the right people at the right time … Life is full of surprises , not all of the them are happy ones , sometimes nature surprises us with crisis , but after that we stand up and fix the damages , we move forward , but again nature might surprise us with yet another crisis , a hurricane or another earth quake , millions of people lose their lives in those crisis , but it 's a test for other millions of people to accept what they lost and to start over … The question is : " How much do we have faith in God to thank him and be ready to let it go with a smile ? " Every day is a new chance we take , a new risk we should be ready to make , we should accept if we missed those chances , or failed in the risks we took . In every day , a new person comes our way ; we should expect that those people who we are meeting today came for a reason . Never regret what you face in your daily life , if we are wise enough , we should be ready to accept it all with an open heart … Life goes on , and so do we … The chances we missed , the risks we were afraid to make , the people who came and left without a trace , only scars to remind us to never repeat the same mistakes again … . Life goes on … It would be all good if you just believed in God and let it go with a smile from your heart … Finally , I want to thank every one who believed in my talent and encouraged me all the years . A special thanks to my sister Samia and her husband Hadi for being there for me all the time . Also , special thanks to my precious uncle Dr . Faouzi Abou Reslan for his invaluable support , words fails to express how thankful I am … Also to the person who make the editing to my articles Peter Buckton , Thank you . I 'm blessed to have people like you all in my life … . .