Thanks to Wendy , Heather , Susan , and Michelle for betaing . The title is from Gerard Manley Hopkins 's " The Leaden Echo " / " The Golden Echo . " This story is rated NC - 17 . Humans thought they owned the city , but Oz knew that was an illusion . They just lived on the surface of it , scurrying back and forth , blind to what was going on around , above , and below them . The real owners of the city were the rats , the cats , the dogs , the birds , the insects . . . all the other forms of life who met and mated , fed and fought , and marked out their territories , totally oblivious to the human attempts to draw property lines and zoning boundaries . Oz could sense them all , and he knew they could sense him . He tried to be as unaggressive as possible as he crossed their territories , but they still ran and hid . He had the scent of a predator now , the most threatening kind . It was kind of a paradox , a thing that in the old days would 've made him go , " Huh , " reach for a joint , and ponder for hours . But Oz was tired now . Tired of trying to figure out what his place in the world was . He looked at the street number . He was getting close to the address he 'd been given . A few dozen more yards and he 'd found it : a tiny bookshop with no obvious name and a few large , dull - colored , dusty books in the narrow window . He pushed the door open and stepped inside , feeling a faint shiver as he did so - - some kind of ward or warning system , maybe ? Then the smell hit him , faintly musty paper and wool and tea , and it drove the thought out of his head . The figure standing at one of the shelves turned around and looked at him , eyes welcoming and surprised behind his glasses . " Oz . " When he woke up , he was lying on a tiny overstuffed couch in the store . Giles was kneeling next to him , taking his pulse , and his fingers seemed impossibly large around Oz 's fragile wrist . " Drink this , " he said , offering him a cup from the coffee table . Oz accepted it and sipped . Tea , milky and sweet . It went down more easily than he could 've hoped . Something else must 've been in it . Oz closed his eyes , feeling the warmth of the tea against his face . It was this he had come for , wasn 't it ? The way that Giles could make even the most bizarre situation seem solid and respectable and manageable . Like there was no craziness so bad he didn 't have the right tea for the occasion . He opened his eyes again . " They told me about Buffy . " " Running this shop , " he answered . " During the day . As you can see , it 's not particularly busy , nor is it meant to be . My real line of work now is what Anya informs me I should call supernatural technical consulting . Helping people with arcane problems . " He looked back at him , and his gaze was flinty and sad at once . That was different - - at least , how open it was . " As am I , Oz . We 'll manage . " It was sort of confining , settling into a routine after wandering for so long . Giles 's flat was right upstairs , but he turned one of the shop 's storage rooms into a bedroom for Oz , for privacy and for protection against vampires . He worked with the books during the day , and at night sat in the back room , listening to the strange stories of Giles 's real clients . Something wild in him protested at spending so much time in one place , made him prowl around the shop when he was supposed to be cataloging . After watching him do this a few times , Giles put on a leather jacket one evening and took him into some of the stranger London clubs . He found his own way around the circuit from there , listening to Byrno demons squeal their weird , high - pitched songs or humans play enchanted instruments that made you have visions . The music sometimes rocked , sometimes sucked , but it took him out of himself , and that was all he wanted . He met a lot of people in the clubs , pretty laughing girls with glittery purple hair , sultry boys with ritual piercings who offered him drugs after sets . He talked to everyone , took some of the drugs , kissed a few people in the shadowed corners , but he always came home alone , to Giles reading by himself in the shop . That didn 't feel confining at all . Six weeks after he 'd moved in , as he was taking a break from memorizing the transliteration system for the N ' Kant family of demon languages , he discovered the werewolf collection in the shop . He was surprised to realize how many books Giles had . He 'd never seen so many in one place . So when he wasn 't dealing with books using the elaborate safety precautions Giles had taught him , or keeping an eye on the customers they had during the day , or doing other research for the even weirder customers that came after the shop was supposed to be closed , Oz read about his kind . He didn 't learn much more , though , just accumulated a hundred historical examples of the horrors he was capable of . It got so bad that one afternoon after reading about the fate of a small village in Greece which had offended the alpha of a pack , he started retching into a wastebasket right in the shop . Giles found him there , on his knees , gasping for air . He rubbed his hand across the back of Oz 's neck and murmured , " It 's all right , Oz , you 're doing what you need to . " It was only the quiet chill in his voice that allowed him to relax back into the hand . He had just moved from drinking the weird shakes and soups Giles made for him to nibbling on vegetables , and he felt hollow and weak as he knelt there . Giles seemed to sense this and pulled him over so that he was leaning against a chair , but kept his fingers on his neck . " I almost killed Tara . " Giles handed him his handkerchief . " The darkness in your nature is there , Oz , no matter what you are , wolf or man or something in between . It 's a possibility , not a fate . It 's a part of you , but it doesn 't have to be all . " He wiped his mouth and was quiet for a while . " How can I make it so it 's not all ? What kind of life can I have ? " He thought of red hair again , of the surge in the back of his throat as he confronted a stammering , gawky blonde girl . He no longer had to be caged up around the full moon , but that hadn 't changed at all . " Not enough . " " It never feels like enough . " Giles released him and got up , and Oz could suddenly see the strange tightness in his shoulders . " You 'd better go and get changed . I 'll mind the shop . " Oz had always had a good eye for people , and he 'd learned to sort out their customers pretty quickly . He kept the teenage posers in the front room and calmly vanished to get Giles when a real sorcerer walked in . The Falklands dropped into the shop just before the official closing time , so it was pretty obvious what they were , and even though he hadn 't quite gotten the hang of the English class system yet , it was equally obvious that they could actually afford to pay Giles 's bill . The man had on a slightly rumpled but elegant suit ; the woman a black dress with her blonde hair up . Giles wore sweaters and cords during the day , but after hours he usually changed into wool pants and a crisp white shirt under a soft , slouchy dark jacket . He changed his whole attitude , too - - or maybe it was just that the contrast between the enthusiastic , stammering librarian of Sunnydale and the man he acted like those days was the most obvious to Oz then , when he could make a direct comparison with the past . Giles greeted them , got their names , and welcomed them into the back room where he consulted . " They have been reported in the press . " He held the lenses up to the light , then put them back on . " Three mysterious , gruesome deaths by strangulation at Falkland House in the past two years , none of which have been solved . The most recent one was last week . " " It 's been bloody awful , " Falkland said . " The police , the press - - you 've no idea . They were thinking about arresting me for a time . " " Our deceased six - year - old daughter , Mr . Giles , " Mrs . Falkland explained . " She drowned in our pond three years ago . All three of our guests who were murdered were found lying in a puddle of water and weeds . We 've heard - - noises in the night . " She hesitated . " Unpleasant ones . " The woman stared at him icily ; he looked back with mild detachment . Finally , she dropped her gaze . " Sandra 's death was accidental . There isn 't any question of that . She was supposed to be taking a nap , and she slipped out to the pond and fell in . No one has ever suggested - - til now - - that it was anything more than a tragic incident . " Falkland flushed . Giles said , " Very well . Mr . Osborne and I will come to the house tomorrow to investigate . Everyone will , of course , have strict instructions to cooperate with us fully . You may write a cheque for a retainer now . " It was only an act , Oz thought , watching Giles as Mrs . Falkland wrote the check . Like the stage persona he had used when he played . It was just so Giles could charm or scare their clients - - it had to be . Because otherwise Giles 's kindliness to him was merely some kind of automatic reflex out of the past . And if that were the case , London was no more a place for him than anywhere else . After the Falklands had left , Giles got up . " Come . We need to go to the market . I haven 't made you up a scapula yet , and you 'll need some special ingredients . " They took the Tube to a large , gloomy shop , the Blue Pestle , in Southwark . Oz was about to enter when he felt a sting across his face and backed up , swallowing a howl in his throat . Giles glanced at him , then called into the Pestle , " It 's all right ; he 's with me . " Giles went into the shop , and this time Oz could follow him . The proprietor , a fat man in a white apron , was holding a pistol and giving him a dubious look , but Giles immediately stepped over to him and began talking in a low voice . Oz remained just inside the door . He could remember a time when he could 've sauntered around and carried himself so that somehow it would 've been okay , but now he could only wait and resist the urge to shrink in on himself . Giles was measuring a powder out carefully , and Oz looked at his hands , trying to distract himself . Steadiness , that steadiness was what he needed , what , somehow , between Veruca and the Initiative and Willow and Tara , he had lost . " Oz , " Giles said , not taking his eyes off the scales , " come here . " This clearly didn 't make the shopkeeper very happy , but Oz came to his side . " Sniff this . " He offered him a pinch of the powder , and Oz obeyed . The door slammed shut behind them on the way out . On the way back , they stopped at a vegetarian restaurant . " Thanks , Giles , " Oz said , as they drank cocktails . " Huh . " Two years ago , he would 've said he couldn 't imagine Giles ever unwinding enough to get himself tossed out in the street . Now , he found himself wondering how anyone had ever managed to do the tossing . The food came . Unfortunately , the vegetables were soggy and thick , not light and crunchy the way they had them at home , and it only took two bites before his throat closed up on him . Giles saw him push away the plate and shook his head . " English food does take getting used to . You 'd be better off in California . . . " He trailed off , eyes suddenly even further away than usual . " Giles , " Oz said , and covered his hand with his own . The damaged hand , with the off - kilter little finger . He stroked his finger over the knob of bone at the wrist . That brought Giles back to himself , slowly . He gave Oz another , faint smile , but withdrew his hand . Oz looked down at the table . Giles pushed back his chair and stood up . " Let 's go make you something you can eat . " They were about twenty feet away from the door when Giles stopped , peering up . Oz looked up and saw it , too : someone sitting in one of the front windows of Giles 's flat , smoking . A man , though it was hard to tell much else in the darkness . Oz thought he smelled anger then , but the man just laughed above them while Giles let them in . He went immediately to the stairs , then paused . " I 'm sorry about dinner , Oz . Come back after midnight and I 'll have something for you . " Except , he thought as he went back out , that wasn 't true . Ethan , he thought , must be Ethan Rayne of the band - candy - and - bad - mojo incident . A bad guy . But Oz had heard the low and insinuating tone in his voice , and he knew what that meant . He 'd heard Dev use it often enough . His hackles rose as he passed the stairs , and he had to suppress the urge to growl . Falkland House was forty - five minutes north of London . They pulled into the long , curving driveway at nine a . m . the next morning . Giles smoothed out the tired expression he 'd worn all the way up as he followed the road towards the house . " This is likely to be unpleasant , Oz . " " It 's always advisable , when attempting to rid a place of a ghost or poltergeist , to understand its motivation . Sometimes it 's possible to resolve the problem peacefully . A traditional full - fledged exorcism is dangerous and exhausting and to be avoided whenever possible . " He frowned . " But if something unspeakable should have happened to the little girl . . . " " No . Perhaps if the perpetrator were brought to justice , but . . . no . " He pulled the car up in front of the house . " Be alert . Anything you can sense will be very useful . I doubt the Falklands will share their secrets voluntarily , and their staff is no doubt well - trained . " The house was big and looked like something out of those Merchant - Ivory movies that Willow loved to watch . Oz glanced around for the butler , but instead Falkland came out of the house . " Glad you could come , Mr . Giles , Mr . Osborne . Let me show you around . " Oz smiled , liking the way his name sounded with the mister , next to Giles 's . Like they were professionals in a firm , only a firm for something cool . He wondered if he should 've dressed up a little , but then decided that jeans , a T - shirt , and sunglasses were the only thing they 'd expect an American to wear , anyway . The place was nice on the inside , too - - not quite the way he would 've decorated it , a little stodgy , but cozy - looking , most of it . The furniture was all big and heavy , and the walls covered with darkish paintings of old - time people . Giles talked to Falkland as they walked around . The Falklands had an older son , James , who was away at school now and had been at the time of the death . Sandra had had a nanny , and they 'd kept her on to look after Mr . Falkland 's mother , who was old and sick and living with them . No one else had been staying with them when she died , and they certainly didn 't have any visitors now . " I sort of like the quiet , " Falkland confessed , " but my wife gets bored . " " No . But I 'd just as soon not go with you . I haven 't really been . . . " He fiddled with his tie . " Since . " They crossed the well - manicured lawn down to the pond . Oz could smell the fresh green , and then the bluish water . It all seemed too . . . clean . . . to have been the place where a little girl had died . When they reached the edge of the pond , Giles removed a small bottle from his bag and bent down to spray its contents on the water . There was a flash of color , like sun on an oil slick , but then it vanished . He shook his head . " It 's been too long . Even if there had been violence done here , I doubt the traces would linger for three years . Did anything about Falkland strike you as suspect ? " " And to me . Although it 's always possible - - " He broke off as a thin , kindly - looking middle - aged woman came down the grass to them . Oz liked her right away . She smelled like bread straight out of the oven , the kind Willow used to bake . " Mrs . Hawkins ? " Oz could tell Mrs . Hawkins was surprised to be asked about Sandra rather than the recent deaths , but she told the story freely , if sadly . She had put the " poor girl " down for her nap in the afternoon and had gone to the kitchen for a cup of tea . Sandra had always been an active and rather mischievous little girl , but she had seemed normal and sleepy when Mrs . Hawkins had left her . She hadn 't realized that anything was wrong until she returned upstairs to check on Sandra about half an hour later and found the bed empty . They had searched the house , and then the grounds , but they hadn 't found her until it was too late . She frowned , surprised . " No , of course not . Neither did the police . They could tell where she 'd been standing on the bank . " She looked off to the side , sighing . " Right over there . It had been raining hard for two days before , and the dirt just caved in . She couldn 't swim at all , and there was no one to hear her . A terrible accident , just terrible . " " Myself and cook . . . she made me the tea . Mr . and Mrs . Falkland , of course . They were together in the library the whole time . And the elder Mrs . Falkland , of course , but she can hardly leave her room , poor thing . If only we 'd had someone working in the garden that day ! " She shook her head vigorously . " Pardon me , but what a horrible suggestion ! It 's completely impossible . Everyone loved Sandra . Even - - I know how the younger Mrs . Falkland seems to strangers , but she doted on that child . Mr . Falkland and James , too . And the older Mrs . Falkland - - she still doesn 't believe she 's gone , though we tried to make her understand for months . That 's how much her death hurt her . What you 're suggesting simply isn 't possible , and I can 't imagine why anyone . . . " She stopped , blushing . " Pardon me . It can 't have been so . " Giles tried several other tacks with her , but she wasn 't budging . Finally he thanked her , and she returned back up the hill , looking a little more doubtful than kindly now . Giles glanced over at Oz . He shook his head . " Nothing . It 's kinda hard to tell out here in the wind , but I think she believed what she was saying . " " Yes , she did . And you would believe that the child 's nanny would know . Still , it 's almost impossible to explain why a child would behave in that manner unless someone had hurt her or neglected her very badly . " A little later , Oz stood in the living room , holding a candle and looking at his watch . The cook hadn 't been any more helpful than Mrs . Hawkins , so Giles had decided that they had better go ahead with the ritual before anyone else died . " It 's a modified Mangus tripod , " he 'd told him . " We used it once in Sunnydale , with less than spectacular results . Since then , I 've tried to make some improvements , but it 's still far from foolproof , so be alert . " " Sure . The world needs more lerts , " he 'd answered , and Giles had smiled faintly . He looked at his watch . Almost noon . He lit his candle and waited . As the hour struck , he chanted , " I shall confront and expel all evil . . . out of marrow and bone . . . out of house and home . . . never to come here again . " He looked around , expecting something dramatic to happen , like the show at the laserium , but all was quiet . Then he glanced back at his candle . It had gone out . Invisible fingers were suddenly scrabbling at Oz 's throat , but they couldn 't seem to get a grip . Then a force picked him up and threw him across the room . " Let me go ! Let me go ! Let me go ! " a high - pitched child 's voice shrieked , only half - understandable through its shrill rage . The tone was piercing his eardrums , but he couldn 't cover them with his hands because the force had grabbed him again and was banging him against the wall . " Let me go ! Now ! Now ! Now ! " " Oz ! Oz ! " That was Giles 's voice , but he was too far away . His head was starting to get heavy . At least the wolf wasn 't coming out . He clutched that thought as the world went grey . When he came to , Giles was holding him . Even before he opened his eyes , he could tell by the scent , a scent comforting and attractive in a way that skipped right past the layer of rational thoughts in his brain and plugged into something deeper . Giles was solid and warm and masculine around him , and Oz felt the urge to burrow into him , bring his legs up and get closer . " Oz ? Can you hear me ? " Mrs . Hawkins 's voice made him realize just where he was and stop moving his legs . He groaned . " Giles . Geez . I think that spell needs more proofing against fools . " Giles carefully eased him back down onto his back as he opened his eyes , and Oz found himself sniffing after his scent . Huh . That was new . Mrs . Hawkins and Falkland were standing nearby , clutching their candles and looking at him worriedly . " Sandra 's spirit is exceptionally violent , " Giles said , " though at least there were no wasps this time . " " I heard shrieking of some kind from my station by the pond . I rather thought any disturbance would occur there . When I got in here , something was trying to dash you to pieces against the wall . Fortunately , I was able to dispel the immediate manifestation . " " That was some quick thinking , Mr . Giles . I 'm no good at the fast casting , " Falkland said . " My wife , now , or my mother , when she was well . . . " Oz sat up , feeling at his forehead . He was going to have a big old goose egg in the morning . " It - - she - - kept saying , ' Let me go ! Let me go ! ' " On their way back to London that night , they stopped at the graveyard where Sandra was buried . It was deserted , lying in the shadow of a crumbling old stone church . The blues and lavenders of dusk were just closing in around them as they reached the grave itself . He regretted it as soon as he 'd said it , seeing Giles stop and blink down at the trowel in his hand . But after a minute , he answered cautiously , " Yes , " and knelt in the dirt . " I doubt the authorities are quite as blind here as they were in Sunnydale , however , so please do keep a lookout . " Oz nodded . Giles scraped some of the dirt from the grave into a small bowl . He mashed into it some herbs which made Oz 's nose wrinkle and then took out a knife . " Should I maybe keep back ? " " I don 't think there 's much danger of contaminating me , " Giles said , slicing his finger and squeezing two drops of blood into the bowl . He passed his hand over the bowl and murmured some words in a language Oz didn 't understand . Oz caught himself watching his face , careful and intent but lit from within by power , and deliberately turned his head away to scan for crashers . It wasn 't like Willow at all . Giles was . . . sure . " Nothing of note , " Giles said after a while , " though that 's hardly surprising , given how much time has passed . " Oz looked back to see him taking another soil sample , then using the gravestone to pull himself up . He turned to go , but realized that Giles was still standing there , hand on the stone , looking down . " How terrible , to lose a child so young , " he mused . He looked at Giles standing there , head bent , hand gently stroking the stone . He seemed so much older than he had even five minutes before . Oz felt something wrench in him towards tenderness . Giles didn 't have to be alone with it . He didn 't have to be alone with it . It wasn 't right to be alone . Clearing his throat , he moved to him and nuzzled his shoulder . Giles didn 't respond . Oz wanted to make it clear what he was saying , so he slid his arms around Giles 's waist and pulled his hip against him . Not pressing , but letting him feel it . Letting him know more by kissing softly at his throat . He felt Giles almost teeter in his arms , then turn his head to look down at him . " Oz . . . " He pushed himself upwards and kissed his mouth , wanting to be slow and thoughtful but somehow being a little bit too eager , a bit clumsy , because it wasn 't at all like kissing the others in the clubs . It was real ; Giles 's mouth was pulling him into a place in the world . He should 've been afraid of the wolf and what the wolf might want , but somehow he wasn 't at all . He was a little afraid of himself , that he would mess up in some way , but the kiss felt right as well as damned good . And Oz could see it in his eyes . Could understand it perfectly . He 'd been right in the first place . Helping Oz , that had been old habit , and since he 'd been familiar - - part of the old Sunnydale crew - - it was easy . But stolen kisses in a graveyard were something new and different , and Giles didn 't want to cross that boundary . Oz had been living in Giles 's scent and silences for well over a month , and he hadn 't let himself see til now how wrong things were behind them . He 'd needed him to be steady and stable too badly . " Giles , " he said , " Giles , you 're still here . In the world . Alive . Check it out . " Ethan . " Is it because you love him ? " Oz said , trying not to ball his hands up . " ' Cause if it is , that 's okay , it 's - - " Giles sighed and looked away . " It 's not that , not really . It 's just . . . it 's finished . I 'm finished . Buffy took it all . I know it 's not easy for a young person to understand . . . " They didn 't talk much on the way back to London , either , but that was normal . When they got to the shop , Oz decided to go out again . He didn 't want to push , but he didn 't want to sit in the shop , pretending to read but actually stealing looks at Giles 's hands and wanting to lick them , either . So he changed and left quickly . The music pretty much reeked that night , though , and suddenly the whole scene just seemed so . . . done . He drifted from place to place , but it wasn 't better anywhere he went . He kept trying , however , and it was past one when he got back . When he came in , a little wilder - looking from the dancing , Giles was sitting on the stairs with a book open on his knees , waiting for him . His heart jolted . He glanced down , then back up . " No , I . . . It seems to me I didn 't say before - - I wanted to be clear . . . " He looked as though he wanted to touch his hand , but then thought better of it . " It 's not the wolf . I 'm not afraid of that . And it 's not that I don 't find you attractive . Particularly like this . I wish I could . Truly . " " I know , and it doesn 't help . " He looked away . Well . That was that . Oz started to walk back to his bedroom , but he spoke again . " That 's not what I wanted to talk to you about . " " Exactly . He 's been incarcerated for some time , but now he 's free again . He 's discontented with me , and he has a tendency to work off such feelings through mischief . You need to be cautious . Avoid him if you see him , keep the scapula on , and . . . " He hesitated . " It would probably be best not to accept drugs from strangers , or engage in intimacy with them . At least until he 's left town . " He grimaced . " Perhaps not , but Ethan 's case is particularly advanced . He simply can 't accept the way things are , and , given his power , that can be terribly destructive . . . " He suddenly pursed his lips and furrowed his brows . He held up a hand for silence , obviously thinking hard . After a little while , he said , getting up , " I 'm sorry . Do you understand what I 'm saying ? " " No , no . This won 't take too long to check . " Oz passed behind him and , on impulse , pressed his face into Giles 's shoulder blade . His shirt was very smooth and a little damp with sweat . Giles stood there for a moment ; Oz could feel his breathing speed up . " You were very helpful today , " he said thickly . Giles looked grim on the drive up the next morning . Oz was pretty sure he 'd spent way more than a little while reading , but he didn 't want to ask if Giles didn 't want to tell . This time , when they pulled up in front of Falkland House , it was Mrs . Falkland who came out to greet them . " Mr . Giles , " she said crisply . " After what I was told happened yesterday , I wasn 't sure you 'd be back . " " No , it didn 't . But if you had reason to believe I 'd be so easily deterred , you hired the wrong person , didn 't you ? " He looked thoughtful . " Unless , of course , you weren 't actually interested in having your problem solved . " Mrs . Falkland looked dark , but rang for the nanny . Five minutes later , they were in a large room on the third floor , neat and tidy but filled with what Oz could only call knick - knacks from hell , little animal figurines and bad paintings of kids and bunches of fake flowers . A white - haired woman in a dark blue dress was sitting in a rocking - chair at the end of the room . " Be gentle with her . Please ? " Mrs . Hawkins whispered , and Giles nodded . She went to the woman and said , " Guests , Mrs . Falkland . Mr . Giles , Mr . Osborne , Mrs . Falkland . " " It 's our pleasure , Mrs . Falkland , " Giles said , sitting on a couch near her chair . Oz could hear the purposefulness underneath his friendly , respectful tone . He sat down next to him . " It 's a lovely day , isn 't it ? " " It is now that I have visitors , " she smiled . " Guests don 't get up here much , and I 'm afraid I 'm just a little too tired to go down to meet them . If it weren 't for Mrs . Hawkins , I think I might almost be a little lonely . " " Oh , my son and his wife come when they can , I 'm sure . James tries to visit when he 's home , but he has so many friends to see . It 's hard for him . " " Oh , well , Sandra . . . " Her eyes unfocused a little . " Her parents don 't bring her anymore , and I don 't think Sandra can quite make it up the stairs by herself . It 's a long trip for little legs . Still , I hear her in the house all the time , and when I look out the window on fine days , I can see her playing . She 's a high - spirited girl , and I 'm afraid sometimes she 's a little naughty , but you couldn 't ask for a more adorable child . She 's the apple of my eye . " She got up . " Let me show you something . " Giles glanced at it , then silently handed it to Oz . It was a large handmade card . On the front was a child 's drawing in crayon of Falkland House , surrounded by a heart . On the inside was scrawled , " I lov you , Grandmther . " " You see ? " Mrs . Falkland beamed at them . " Isn 't she a clever child ? To spell so well at her age ? And so artistic ! Her brother 's a good boy , but so practical - - like his mother . Sandra 's going to be different . Like me . " " That 's an excellent idea , " Giles agreed , rising . " It was good to meet you , Mrs . Falkland . Good day , Mrs . Hawkins . " " It 's quite uncommon , " Giles said ten minutes later in the living room , " though , perhaps , somewhat less rare among practitioners of magic . One person 's love for another is so strong , his inability to accept his death so complete , that it binds the dead person 's spirit to this plane . Unable to rest , the spirit suffers horrendous agony . " " No . She was simply screaming for release . The mind of a six - year - old child , trapped forever in that sort of pain , unable to understand what has happened to her . . . it 's little wonder she 's been lashing out violently , especially against strangers . " " Oh . " Oz thought . " How can we get her to do that ? I mean , she 's kinda crazy . She doesn 't even believe Sandra 's dead . If her own family couldn 't convince her . . . " " A memory charm could cause her to forget that she 'd ever even had a granddaughter . No memories , no feelings . It should suffice to set Sandra 's spirit free . " " It is . " Giles sighed . " Oz , I 'll understand if you don 't wish to be a part of this . You can take the car back to London . " Oz looked at him . Giles gazed back at him levelly . Necessity . Oz understood necessity . It was what had made him leave everything he loved in the world behind , twice . Giles understood necessity , too . It was why he was safe with him . " No . I 'll stay . " " No , of course not - - though I will need their permission . I 'm going to call in some assistance . I 'd like this to be done with as little damage to Mrs . Falkland as possible , and that requires someone with more recent experience than me . " " Ah . " Ethan frowned and folded his arms . " So you want to use me to keep your precious hands clean ? Fuck you , Ripper . I won 't do it . For any price . " Ethan 's eyes widened , and he stared at him without saying anything for several minutes . Giles looked back at him steadily . Finally , he said , " You killed someone else , didn 't you ? " Oz swallowed a gasp . Ethan shrugged . " Then I 'll do it . " Giles started to say something , but he raised a hand . " For the right price , of course . " " That 's my price , Ripper , " said Ethan , obviously gaining confidence from his reaction . " Take it or leave it . I 'm not in the mood to negotiate today . " After he had gone , Giles dropped down on the couch next to Oz , looking very tired but saying nothing . Oz moved over , slouching so that his head was resting just above Giles 's shoulder , not quite touching it . " Giles . . . you killed someone ? " " It 's okay . Whatever happened , it 's okay . " Somehow , the knowledge that Giles had done it , too , only made him seem closer . He let his cheek slide down and closed his eyes . Giles didn 't pull back . They were quiet for a little while as Oz thought . There had to be another way . A way different from Mrs . Falkland 's with Sandra , or Ethan 's with Giles . A way where you didn 't sink your teeth in and end up hurting the person you cared about to try to keep him after it was over . Maybe . . . Giles half - chuckled . " I believe he would cast mine gratis . He thinks it would be best if I forgot all about Buffy . And he may have slightly more of a point than usual . " Giles curled his hand around his , not quite lifting it away . " Oz . . . your problem is a little different than mine . I 've been observing you carefully for the past several weeks . With the herbs and the chanting , your lycanthropy is manageable now , except when your closest bond is threatened . You asked me once what sort of life you could have . I think you can have a good and useful one , but it may . . . it may have to be one without passionate attachments . " He slid his arm around him . " It 's not fair to you , I know ; it 's nothing you deserve ; but I fear it may be inescapable . " Giles got up . " I 'm afraid I 'm not interested in helping you compensate for an inadequate love life , Ethan . Let 's take care of this now . " Very late that night , Oz sat in the shop , toying with Mrs . Falkland 's card . The family had had to take everything that would have reminded her of Sandra out of her room before the ritual . They had intended to throw away the card , but Giles had saved it and brought it back with them . " We have to remember for her , Oz , " he 'd said . " That 's the only way for us not to become monsters . " Oz understood . After all , he was all about that , not being a monster . He laid the card down gently as he heard the key turning in the lock . A minute later , Giles came in , his hair a little rumpled , his shirt unbuttoned one button farther down than it usually was . Oz could smell cigarettes on him , and alcohol , and Ethan Rayne , faint but clinging . " Oh . I didn 't think you 'd still be up , Oz . It was quite a day . " " No . " He didn 't think they would , either . After Ethan had cast the spell , he hadn 't been able to smell the rot anywhere in the house . He wasn 't an expert , but he was pretty sure Sandra was gone . " It 's just that we didn 't get to finish our conversation . " That brought his head up sharply , but then he visibly forced himself to relax again . " I suppose you have as much a right to know as Ethan does . Yes , I did . " " We were fighting a god , named Glorificus . An insane , sadistic , supremely powerful creature who wanted to bring down the walls separating the dimensions so she could return to her own . In the process , she would have destroyed almost all life in the universe . Her only vulnerability was that she was sharing the body of an ordinary man , named Ben , and his death would mean hers . She tried to kill Dawn to accomplish her end . Buffy only just managed to prevent that and force Ben to manifest . I had to kill him . There was no other way to stop her . " " Yeah . About that . " He took a deep breath . There wasn 't going to be a comfort zone here . He just had to say it . " I still want to be with you , Giles . And I think I know how I can . " " Just hear me out , okay ? When I was with Willow , I thought she was my anchor , the one permanent thing in the world . The thing I could never turn away from , or lose , or give up . The only thing it was safe to really care about . And the wolf , the wolf thought so , too , I guess . Even when I was away from Sunnydale , it was holding onto her . Nothing else was even real to me . " " Yeah . " He swallowed and pushed away the vivid images of Tara dead , Willow dead . " But that 's not the only way to do it . I did some thinking , and it occurred to me that maybe you can love things , but still remember that they 're transient . Love them in the moment , but be ready to let them go when the time comes . I think . . . I think I can do that with you , Giles . " He felt like he needed to catch his breath . He 'd said more in the past two minutes than he usually did in a day , but he knew Giles would have to hear it from him , hear everything , for him to have any chance at all . Even with the speech , he was looking skeptical . " Oz , even if that were true , a relationship between us would be . . . difficult to maintain . I 'm flattered that you 'd even suggest it , but we 're very different creatures in some ways , with different interests , different outlooks . I 'm more than twice your age . You 'll change quickly . I 'll change , more slowly , but change nonetheless . We 're bound to grow apart . " " But don 't you see ? I know that . And that 's exactly why it could work . It 's not like with Willow . I 'm not talking about forever here . " " Can you ? " Giles looked at him searchingly . " What you 're describing is a state of mind recommended by many mystics and poets , but it 's generally regarded as a severe form of religious discipline . Not an easy undertaking , by any means . " " Easier than going through life trying not to love anyone . I don 't think I can do that . This . . . this I have a shot at . " " Which I don 't like . But see ? " Oz held up his hands . " No wolf . Ethan 's still alive . You can call him . " Giles took his hand and turned it over , looking at it . He rubbed his fingers along the back of it , pressing hard against each individual bone , as if he were trying to find some truth buried under the skin . " I see . " Giles put a hand on the side of his face and stared into his eyes . Oz looked back . " Yes , " he finally said , bending to kiss him , " yes , I believe I can . " When they got there , Oz kissed him again and began unbuttoning Giles 's shirt as he sat on the bed . The alien scent still lingered , and he almost asked him to take a shower first , but decided that that would not exactly be a good way to prove he could do this right . So he got the shirt off him quickly , which took care of most of it . Giles , in turn , pulled at Oz 's clothes , studying carefully each line of flesh which was revealed . It felt strange to be the object of such an inspection - - Willow had always been so shy that half the time she didn 't even really look . That had been sweet , but this was making him squirm with a slow ache that was already getting him hard . After Oz 's clothes were off , Giles looked up at him , uncertainty suddenly in his eyes . Of course . It had probably been a long time for him . Oz took his glasses off and set them on the nightstand , laid his palms flat on Giles 's chest and pushed him down slowly , then straddled him . It was a different sort of body than he was used to - - filled - out and solid , with grey scattered in the hairs on his chest . More tangibly physical somehow , strange as that sounded . He leaned down and licked at the collarbone , just above a small white scar . He was learning something new , he thought dimly : older men tasted so much more intense , headier , muskier , than girls or other boys . He liked this maturer vintage , and gently rubbed his nose in the hair as he moved his face down Giles 's chest . Giles was shivering ; his nipples were hard little nubs and Oz nosed at them , then found himself worrying them with his teeth . Carefully , but still . He looked back up at Giles , who whispered , " It 's okay , " and ran a hand through his hair . Oz began again , rubbing himself against Giles 's leg as he did , feeling Giles growing hard against his stomach . After a couple of minutes of this , Giles groaned , " Oz , " and in one swift motion flipped them over , settling himself on Oz 's legs . " Where 's the - - " He heard unzipping , a cap turning , and foil ripping , and a minute later fingers pushed into him . He pushed back against them , wanting them deeper , and Giles obliged , driving them in so that he felt like he was pinned to the bed . " It 's been a while , " Giles said . " I - - ah - - I don 't know how long this is going to last . " The fingers pulled out , but were soon replaced by Giles 's cock . Giles let out a hissing sigh as he slid into him , then pulled out , settling his weight onto his elbows above him . Oz lay still , relishing the feeling of being surrounded by sheltering male flesh , gasping as Giles thrust in further . He wanted to be reached in the way that was only possible through fucking . Giles settled into a steady rhythm for a while , but gradually sped up . Oz was clutching at the sheets as he was pushed back and forth , but he thought he could take a little more . Then , without warning , Giles growled , brought his head down , and closed his teeth on the nape of Oz 's neck . Oz howled . The grip went straight to the wolf , and he couldn 't tell whether it was utter pleasure or utter terror , but it was everything , and he was thrashing underneath Giles frantically . Giles released him and slowed down . " Are you all right ? " he said , between gasps . " Oh , yes . " Giles pulled out , and there was a soft thud in the wastebasket . He rolled Oz over and settled down next to him . He was giving him another one of those appraising looks , but a much sweatier and less steady version this time , which made Oz grin . Then Giles reached down and wrapped his still - slick hand around Oz 's cock , and that took it all to a whole new level of not too bad . Oz was almost whimpering as he shoved against his hand , but Giles put his other hand on his hip , restraining him , and he made himself hold still and let him control the pace . He thought about the times back in Sunnydale when the other kids had made jokes about Giles 's sex life , when all the time there had been the potential for this , this absolutely assured hand pumping him , pulling him right out of himself . Giles was talking to him as he worked : " . . . don 't know how I didn 't see it before , I was blind , you 're so beautiful , so yourself , the wolf , Oz , it 's all magnificent . . . " He could have cried , but instead he squeezed his eyes shut and trembled . " Giles , " he said in a strangled voice , and came , arching his shoulders against the bed , kicking his feet . A wave of exhaustion swept over him immediately , and he kept his eyes closed as Giles wiped him with something . " Wow . That was . . . great . " " Of course . Though , in future , we might consider using my flat . I have a considerably larger bed . " He could hear the smile in his voice . Giles shifted , then lay down again . But he didn 't touch Oz , and when Oz put out a hand a couple of minutes later , he could feel that his body was tense . For a minute , Oz asked himself if he had done the right thing , breaking through Giles 's resignation to pull him into something so ephemeral . He wondered if he hadn 't made him more vulnerable to Ethan ; he knew he 'd made him more vulnerable to other things . Like Oz himself , and how it was going to feel when they finally did separate . But , he thought , he had been right : Giles had survived Sunnydale . They both had , and they had to learn to live with it . " You get used to it , " he told him . He snuggled up to Giles and slid his arms around him , drawing him close . Slowly , Giles relaxed into him . He must have been tired , too ; it wasn 't long after that that his breaths grew even and shallow . Oz turned his head and looked around the room . His room , with his rock posters on the wall , and his clothes scattered around , and his lover stretched out in his bed . It wasn 't his territory ; it wasn 't something he could hold of his own and keep outsiders away from forever . But it was home .