In the driving rain of a November day , the cab from London to Heathrow took forever . It was so dark it looked like late afternoon , and Charlie Waterston could barely see out the windows as familiar landmarks slid past him . It was only ten o ' clock in the morning . And as he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes , he felt as bleak as the weather all around him . It was hard to believe it had all come to an end . Ten years in London gone , finished , closed , and suddenly behind him . Even now , it was difficult to believe any of it had happened . It had all been so perfect when it began . It had been the start of a life , a career , a decade of excitement and happiness for him in London . And now suddenly , at forty - two , he felt as though all the good times were over . He had begun the long , slow trip down the other side of the mountain . For the past year , he had felt as though his life was slowly and steadily unraveling . The reality of it still amazed him . And as the cab stopped at the airport finally , the driver turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow . " Goin ' back to the States , are you , sir ? " Charlie hesitated for a fraction of a second and then nodded . Yes , he was . Going back to the States . After ten years in London . Nine of them with Carole . Gone now . All of it . In a matter of moments . " Yes , I am , " he said , not sounding like himself , but the driver couldn 't know that . All he could see was a well - dressed man in a well - cut English suit and a Burberry raincoat . He had an expensive umbrella with him , a well - worn briefcase that he carried contracts and documents in . But even with all his well - chosen accessories , he didn 't look English . He looked like what he was , a handsome American who 'd lived in Europe for years . He was completely at home here . And it terrified him more than a little that he was leaving . He couldn 't even imagine living in New York again . But he 'd been forced into it , and the timing had been perfect . There was no point staying here now anyway , without Carole . He felt a rock crush his heart , as he thought of her , as he stepped out of the cab and tipped the porter to take his luggage . He was only carrying two small bags . The rest was being held for him in storage . He checked in at the desk , and then went to sit in the first - class lounge , but he was relieved to see that there was no one he knew there . It was a long wait to board the plane , but he had brought plenty of work with him , and he kept busy until they called the flight . He waited as he always did , and he was the last passenger to board the aircraft . And as the flight attendants showed him to his seat and took his coat for him , his dark brown hair and warm brown eyes did not go unnoticed . He was tall , had long , athletic limbs , and he was undeniably attractive . Besides which , he wore no wedding band , and the woman across the aisle and the flight attendant taking his coat couldn 't help but notice . But he was oblivious to all of them , as he slipped into the seat next to the window , and sat staring out at the rain on the runway . It was impossible not to think of what had happened , impossible not to run his mind over it again and again , as though looking for the seam from where the leak began , the place where the lifeblood of their relationship had begun to seep away without their even knowing . It still seemed incredible to him . How could he have been so blind ? How could he have not known ? How could he have believed they were so perfectly happy , while she was slipping away from him ? Had it changed suddenly , or had it never been the very thing he 'd been so sure of ? He had been absolutely convinced that they were completely happy , and he still thought they had been . . . until the end . . . until the last year . . . until she told him . . . until Simon . It made Charlie feel so stupid . He 'd been such a fool , flying from Tokyo to Milan , designing office buildings , while Carole represented clients for her law firm all over Europe . They were busy , that was all . They had lives of their own . They were planets in separate orbits . But there had been no doubt in anyone 's mind how perfect it all was , how it was exactly what they wanted , whenever they were together . Even Carole seemed surprised by what she 'd done , but the wOne of the flight attendants offered him a drink before they took off , and he declined . She handed him the menu then , a set of headphones , and the list of movies . None of it appealed to him . All he wanted to do was think , to try and sort it all out again , as though it would come out differently if he thought about it long enough , and this time , came up with the right answers . It made him want to shout sometimes , to pound his fist into a wall , to shake someone . Why was she doing this to him ? Why had that asshole come along and destroyed everything he and Carole had wanted ? And yet , even Charlie knew that it wasn 't Simon 's fault , which left no one to blame except himself and Carole . It made him wonder at times why it was so important to assign the blame . It had to be someone 's fault , and lately he had taken to blaming himself . He must have done something to make her turn to someone else . She said that it had happened more than a year before , while they were working on a case together in Paris . Simon St . James was the senior partner of her law firm . She liked working with him , she laughed about him sometimes , talked about how smart he was , and how outrageous he was with women . He had already had three wives , and he had several children . He was debonair , dashing , good - looking , and extremely charming . He was also sixty - one , and Carole was thirty - nine . She was only three years younger than Charlie , twenty - two years younger than Simon . There was no point reminding her that he was old enough to be her father . She knew all that , she was a smart girl , she knew what a crazy thing it was , and what it had done to Charlie . That was the worst part . She hadn 't wanted to hurt anyone . It had just happened . Carole had been twenty - nine , beautiful , extremely bright , and had a great job with a law firm on Wall Street . They 'd been dating for a year before Charlie got transferred , to run the London office of his architectural firm , Whittaker and Jones , but it was never serious between them . He was transferred from New York , where he 'd worked for them for two years , and he was delighted . She came to London on a lark , to see him , and she had no intention of staying . But she fell in love with London , and then with him . It was different here , everything was more romantic . She started flying over whenever she could , to see him on weekends . It was the perfect life for them . They skied in Davos and Gstaad and St . Moritz . She had gone to school in Switzerland when her father worked in France , and she had friends all over Europe . She was completely at home here . She spoke German and French with ease , she fit right into the London social scene , and Charlie adored her . After six months of commuting , she found a job in the London office of an American law firm . They bought an old carriage house in Chelsea and she moved in with him , and they were like two crazy , wild , happy people . They spent almost every night dancing at Annabel 's at first , and discovering all the wonderful little out - of - the - way places , restaurants and antiques shops and nightclubs in London . It was heaven . The carriage house they had bought was in total disrepair when they acquired it , and it took them nearly a year to restore it . And when it was finished , it was spectacular , it was a labor of love for both of them , and they filled it with beautiful things , and all the treasures they collected . They drove through the countryside finding old doors , and remarkable antiques , and when they got tired of traveling around England , they began spending weekends in Paris . They led a charmed life , and between their various business trips they managed to get married , and spend a honeymoon in Morocco , in a palace Charlie had rented for them . Everything they had done had been stylish and fun and exciting . They were the kind of people everyone wanted to know , or be with . They gave great parties , did fun things , and knew all the most interesting people . Everywhere they went , people loved being around them . And Charlie loved being with her more than anything . He was crazy about her . She was long , and lean , and blond , with perfect limbs and a body that looked as though it had been sculpted from white marble . She had a laugh that sounded like bells , a voice that still made him tingle whenever he heard it . She had a deep , sexy voice , and just hearing her say his name made his insides shiver ten years later . It was the golden life of two careers , two powerful , intelligent , interesting , successful people . The only thing they didn 't have , or want , or need , were children . They 'd talked about it repeatedly , but it never seemed the right time to them . Carole had too many important , and extremely demanding , clients . To Carole , they were her children . And Charlie didn 't really mind . He loved the idea of having a little girl who looked like her , but in truth , he was too crazy about her to want to share her . They had never actually decided not to have kids , they just hadn 't done it . And in the last five years , they had talked about it less and less often . The only thing that did bother him was now that his parents were gone , other than Carole , Charlie had no other family . No cousins , no grandparents , no aunts and uncles , no siblings . All he had was Carole , and the life they shared . She was everything to him , and now he realized , too much so . There was nothing about his life with her that he would have changed during those years . As far as he was concerned , the life they 'd built together was perfection . He was never bored with her , never tired of her , they rarely argued . Neither of them seemed to mind the fact that the other traveled extensively . If anything , it made it more exciting to come back to London . He loved coming back from a trip , and finding her , lying on the couch in their living room , reading a book , or better yet , lying in front of the fire , dozing . More often than not , she was still at work when he returned from Brussels or Milan or Tokyo , or wherever he 'd been . But when she was home , she was entirely his . She was good at that . She never made him feel that he came after her work . If he did occasionally , when she had an important case or a difficult client , she was careful not to let him know it . She made him feel as though the world revolved around him . . . and it did . . . for nine exquisite years , and then suddenly . . . it didn 't , and he felt as though his life were over . As Charlie flew inexorably toward New York , he couldn 't help counting backward again . The affair had begun exactly fifteen months before , in August . She had told him that , when she told him everything , finally . She had always been honest with him . Honest , truthful , loyal . Other than the fact that she seemed to have fallen out of love with him , he had had nothing to reproach her . She and Simon had been working in Paris together for six weeks . It was an important case , it had been fraught with tension , and Charlie had been at a delicate stage of a major negotiation with huge new clients in Hong Kong . He had been there almost weekly for nearly three months , and the aggravations associated with it had almost driven him insane . He had hardly had a minute to spend with her , which was rare for him , and certainly no excuse for what she 'd done , she agreed . But it wasn 't his absence that had done them in , she explained . . . it was just time . . . and fate . . . and Simon . He was remarkable , and she was in love with him . He had swept her off her feet , and she knew it was wrong , but she insisted she couldn 't help it . She had tried to resist everything she felt for him at first , but eventually she found she just couldn 't . She had admired him for too long , liked him far too much , and somehow they found they just had too much in common . It was the way it had been with Charlie a long time since , when everything was still exciting and fun , way back in the beginning . But when did it change ? Charlie had asked plaintively while they talked about it on a rainy afternoon as they walked through Soho . It was still fun , he insisted to her helplessly . It was still exactly the way it had once been . He tried to convince her , but Carole only looked at him and shook her head imperceptibly as she listened . It wasn 't fun anymore , she said through tears , it was different . They had separate lives , separate needs , they spent too much time with other people . And in some ways , she thought they had never grown up , but Charlie didn 't unShe told herself that the affair with Simon was just a fling when she finally gave in to him . It would be nothing more than a temporary indiscretion , she promised herself , and she meant that . It was the first and only time she 'd had an affair , and she didn 't want to do anything that would permanently disrupt their marriage . She tried to break it off with Simon when they went home , he said he understood perfectly . He had had affairs before , and he had admitted to her that during his own marriages he had frequently been unfaithful . He regretted it , he explained , but he knew well the landscape of betrayal and indiscretion . He was single at the time , but he was entirely sympathetic to Carole 's feelings of guilt and obligation to her husband . But what neither of them had counted on was how much they would miss each other once they were back home , living far from each other in London . Neither of them could bear being apart now . They began to leave the office together in the afternoons , to go to his flat , just to talk sometimes , so she could air her feelings , and she found that what she loved most about him was how well he understood everything , how solicitous he was of her , how much he loved her . He was willing to do anything just to be near her , even if it meant just being friends and no longer lovers . She tried to stay away from him , but she found she just couldn 't . Charlie was out of town most of the time , she was alone , and Simon was there , pining for her , as she was for him . She had never realized before how alone she felt , how much Charlie was gone , and how much it meant to her to be with Simon . The physical aspect of the affair with Simon began again two months after they 'd tried to end it . And her life was one long deception after that , of meeting him after work almost every night , and pretending to work together on weekends . He actually stayed in town much of the time , to be with her , and when Charlie was gone , they went down to his place in Berkshire for the weekend . She knew what she was doing was By Christmas that year things were noticeably strained between Carole and Charlie . Charlie was having a crisis with a building site in Milan , at the same time that a deal in Tokyo had gone sour , and he was simply never there . And when he was , he was either jetlagged , exhausted , or in rotten spirits . And although he didn 't mean to , more often than not , he took it out on Carole when he saw her , which wasn 't often . He was constantly flying somewhere to solve a problem . They were the kind of months that always made them both glad they didn 't have children . And it made Carole realize yet again how separate their worlds were . They never had time to talk anymore , or be together , or share their feelings . He had his work , and she had hers , and all they had in between were a few nights a month together in the same bed , and a series of parties and dinners they went to . She suddenly wondered what they 'd built , what they 'd done , what if anything they really shared . Or was it all just an empty illusion ? She could no longer easily answer the question as to whether or not she loved him . And through it all , Charlie was so involved in his own work and woes that he had not the least inkling that anything unusual had happened . He had no idea Carole had been slipping steadily away from him since the previous summer . He spent New Year 's Eve alone in Hong Kong , and Carole spent it at Annabel 's with Simon . And Charlie was so involved in his business deals , he forgot to call her . It all came to a head in February , when Charlie came home from Rome unexpectedly , and found her away for the weekend . She hadn 't said anything to him this time , hadn 't even claimed to be with friends , and something about the way she looked when she got home on Sunday night gave him a shiver of discomfort . She looked radiant and beautiful and relaxed , and the way she used to look when they stayed in bed and made love all weekend . But who had time for that anymore ? They were both busy people . In fact , he said something casual about it to her that night , but he wasn 't actually worried . Something deep within him had come alert , but the rest of his mind was still sleeping . It was Carole who made a clean breast of it , and told him everything eventually . She knew that , at a subconscious level , something had struck a nerve with him and she didn 't want to wait for something awful to happen , so she came home from work late one night and told him . He just sat and stared at her , with tears in his eyes , as he listened . She told him all of it , when it began , how long it had gone on , it had been five months by then , with a brief interruption after they got home from Paris , when she had tried to stop seeing Simon , and found she couldn 't . " What are you planning to do about it ? " he asked , trying to remind himself to be civilized , that things like this happened sometimes , but all he knew at that point in time was how hurt he was and how much he still loved her . He couldn 't believe how acute the pain of having just been told she was sleeping with another man was . The real question was , did she love Simon or was she just having fun ? Charlie knew he had to ask her . " Are you in love with him ? " he asked , feeling worlds collide in his head and heart and stomach . What in God 's name would he ever do , he asked himself , if she left him ? He couldn 't even imagine it , and knowing that , he could forgive her anything , and planned to . The one thing he knew was that he didn 't want to lose her . But she hesitated for a long , long time before she answered . " I think so , " she said . She was always so goddam honest with him . She always had been . That was why she had told him . Even now , she didn 't want to lose that . " I don 't know . When I 'm with him , I 'm sure of it . . . but I love you too . . . I always will . " There had never been anyone else in her life like Charlie . . . nor like Simon . She loved them both in her own way . But she knew she 'd have to choose now . They could have gone on like this for a long time , people did , she knew , but she was also well aware that she couldn 't . It had happened , now she had to deal with it . And so did Charlie . Simon had already said he wanted to marry her , but she knew she couldn 't even think about that until she resolved things with her husband . And Simon said he understood that too , and claimed he was willing to wait forever . " You make it sound like you 're leaving me . " Charlie had cried just looking at her , and then he 'd put his arms around her and they both cried . " How could this happen to us ? " he asked her again and again . It seemed impossible , unthinkable , how could she do that ? And yet she had , and something about the way she looked at him told him that she was not ready to let go of Simon . He tried to be reasonable about it , but he had to ask her to stop seeing him . He wanted to go to a marriage counselor with her . He wanted to do anything they had to do to fix it . Carole tried everything she could to make it work with him . She agreed to go to counseling and even stopped seeing Simon . For all of two weeks . But at the end of it , she was crazed , and she knew she couldn 't give him up completely . Whatever had been wrong between Charlie and Carole seemed much worse suddenly , and they were both constantly angry at each other . The fights they 'd never had before blossomed like trees in spring , and they fought every time they were together . Charlie was furious at what she 'd done , he wanted to kill someone , preferably Simon . And she admitted to how unhappy she was to have been left alone so much , she felt as though they were nothing more than good friends and compatible roommates . Charlie didn 't take care of her the way Simon did . She said he was immature , and accused him of being selfish . She complained that when he came home from a trip , he was too tired to even think about her , or talk sometimes , until they went to bed and he wanted to make love to her . But that was his way of establishing contact , he explained , it said more about his feelings than words ever could . But it actually said more about the difference between men and women . Their complaints were suddenly deep and ingrained , and Carole stunned him by telling their marriage counselor that she thought their whole marriage was centered on Charlie , and Simon was the first man she 'd ever known who cared about her feelings . Charlie couldn 't believe what he was hearing . She was sleeping with Simon again by then , but she was lying to Charlie about it , and within weeks it all became an impossible tangle of deceit and fights and recriminations . In March , when Charlie flew to Berlin for three days , she packed her things and moved in with Simon . She told Charlie on the phone , and he sat in his hotel room and cried . But she told him she wasn 't willing to go on living this way . It was agony for all of them , and just too stressful . " I don 't want us to turn into this , " she said when she called , crying at her end . " I hate what I 've become with you . I hate everything I am and do and say . And I 'm starting to hate you . . . Charlie . . . we have to give it up . I just can 't do it . " Not to mention the fact that she couldn 't practice law coherently while trying to juggle this insane situation . " Why not ? " he had blazed back at her . Honest rage was beginning to take hold of him , and even she knew he had a right to be as angry as he was now . " Other marriages survive when one partner has an affair , why can 't we ? " It was a plea for mercy . There was a long , long silence at her end . " Charlie , I don 't want to do this anymore , " she said finally , and he could hear that she meant it . And that was the end of them . For whatever reason , it was over for her . She had fallen in love with another man , and out of love with him . Maybe there was no reason after all , maybe there was no blame . They were only human after all , with unpredictable , erratic emotions . There was no saying why it had happened . It just had , and whether Charlie liked it or not , Carole had left him for Simon . In the ensuing months , he ricocheted between despair and rage . He could hardly keep his mind on his work . He stopped seeing his friends . He sat alone in his house sometimes , just thinking of her . He sat in the dark , hungry , tired , still unable to believe what had happened . He kept hoping that the affair with Simon would end , that she would tire of him , that she would decide he was too old for her , too smooth , or maybe even that he was a pompous windbag . He prayed for all of it , but none of it ever happened . She and Simon seemed very happy . He saw photographs of them in newspapers and magazines from time to time , and he hated seeing them . At times he thought the agony of missing her would crush him . The loneliness he felt now was overwhelming . And when he couldn 't stand it anymore , he called her . The worst of it was that she always sounded the same . She always sounded so warm and so sensual and so sexy . Sometimes he pretended to himself that she was coming home to him , that she was on a trip , or away for a weekend . But she wasn 't . She was gone . Possibly forever . The house looked uncared for now , and unloved . She had taken all her things . And nothing looked quite the same . Nothing was the same . He felt as though everything he 'd ever wanted or been or dreamed had been broken . There was nothing left but shards at his feet , and he had nothing left to care about or believe in . People in his office noticed it , he looked gray and tired and thin . He was irritable , and argued about everything . He no longer even called their friends , and he declined every invitation they sent him . He was sure that by now everyone was completely swept off their feet by Simon . And besides , he didn 't want to hear about them , didn 't want to know every little detail about what they did , or have to answer well - meaning questions . And yet , he could never stop himself from reading about them in the papers . The parties they attended and the weekends they spent in the country . Simon St . James was extremely social . Carole had always liked going to parties , but never as much as they did now . It was an important part of her life with Simon . Charlie tried not to think about it all the time , but it seemed impossible to think about much else . The summer was torture for him . He knew Simon had a villa in the south of France , because they 'd visited him there , between Beaulieu and St . - Jean - Cap - Ferrat . He kept a good - size yacht in the harbor , and Charlie kept thinking of her on it . He had nightmares about it sometimes , terrified that she would drown , and then feeling guilty because he wondered if the nightmares meant that he wished she would drown . He went back to the marriage counselor to talk about it . But there was nothing left to say . By September , Charlie Waterston looked sadly battered , and felt even worse . Carole had called to say she was filing for divorce by then , and Charlie hated himself when he asked if she was still living with Simon . Before he even asked the question , he knew the answer , and could too easily envision her face and the tilt of her head as she answered . " You know I am , Charlie , " she said sadly . She hated hurting him . She had never wanted to do this to him . It had just happened . That was all . She couldn 't help it . But she was happier with Simon than she had ever been . It was a life she had never aspired to , but that she found she loved . They had spent the month of August at his villa in France , and she was surprised to find that she liked all his friends . And Simon himself was doing absolutely everything he could to please her . He called her the love of his life , and the woman of his dreams , and there was suddenly a vulnerable quality about him , and a gentleness she had never seen . She was deeply in love with him , but she didn 't say any of that to Charlie . It only made her realize again how empty their relationship had been . They had been two self - centered people moving along side by side , barely touching , and never meeting . And neither of them had ever realized it . She did now , but she knew that Charlie still didn 't see it . All she wanted for him was a happy life , she hoped he would find someone , but it didn 't sound as though he was even trying . " Are you going to marry him ? " He always felt as though all the air had been squeezed out of him when he asked her these kinds of questions , and yet , much as he hated himself for doing it , he found he had to . " I don 't know , Charlie . We don 't talk about it . " It was a lie , Simon was desperate to marry her , but that was none of Charlie 's business for the moment . " It 's not important now . We need to sort things out between us first . " She had finally forced him to hire a lawyer , but he almost never called him . " We need to divide up our things , when you have time . " He actually felt nauseous when she said it . " Why don 't you just give it another try ? " he asked , hating himself for the weakness he heard in his own voice , but he loved her so much , the thought of losing her forever nearly killed him . And why did they have to " divide up their things " ? What did he care about the china and the couch and the linens ? He wanted her . He wanted everything they 'd shared . He wanted their life back , just as it had been . He still hadn 't understood any of the things she was saying . " What if we had a baby ? " Somehow he assumed that Simon was too old to even think of it . At sixty - one , having had three wives , and a number of children , he couldn 't possibly want to have a baby with her . It was the one thing Charlie could offer her that Simon couldn 't . There was a long silence from her end again , and she closed her eyes as she tried to get up the courage to answer . She didn 't want a baby with him . She didn 't want a baby with anyone . She never really had . She had her career . And now she had Simon . A baby was the last thing on her mind . She just wanted a divorce so they could get on with their respective lives , and stop hurting each other . It didn 't seem like too much to ask of him . " Are you going to have a baby with him ? " He sounded desperate again . Even he hated the way he sounded when he talked to her . He always wound up as the supplicant , the poor slob begging the beautiful princess to come back to him , and he loathed himself for it . But he didn 't know what else to say to her , and he would have done anything if she would just agree to give up Simon and come back . But she sounded exasperated when she answered . " No , I am not having a baby with him . I 'm trying to have a life , of my own , and with him . And I don 't want to screw up your life any more than I have to . Charlie , why don 't you just let go of it ? Something happened to us . I 'm not even sure I understand what . Things just work out that way sometimes . It 's like if someone dies . You can 't argue with it . You can 't change it . You can 't turn the clock back or bring them back to life . We died . Or at least I did . Now you have to go on living without me . " " I can 't . " He nearly choked on the words and she knew just how much he meant it . She had run into him the week before , and he looked terrible . He looked tired and pale and exhausted , but oddly enough , she realized that she still thought he was incredibly attractive . He was a very handsome man , and even in misery , he was very appealing . " I can 't live without you , Carole . " The worst thing was that she knew he believed that . " Why ? " He couldn 't think of a single reason these days to go on living . The woman he loved was gone . He was bored with his job . He wanted to be alone all the time . Even the house he had once loved seemed to have lost its spirit . But in spite of that , he didn 't want to sell it . He had too many memories with her there . There was too much Carole woven into every fiber of his life . He couldn 't imagine ever being free of her , or wanting to be . All he wanted was what he couldn 't have , what he had once had with her , all of which now belonged to Simon . The bastard . " Charlie , you 're too young to act like this . You 're forty - two years old . You have a whole life ahead of you . You have a great career , an enormous talent . You 'll meet someone else , maybe you 'll have kids . " It was a strange conversation and she knew it , but she didn 't know how to let go of him , although she knew that her talking to Charlie like this seriously annoyed Simon . He thought they ought to divide up the spoils , get divorced , and get on with it , as he put it . They were both young enough to have jolly good lives with other people . He thought Charlie was being an incredibly bad sport and putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on Carole , and he was very outspoken about the fact that he didn 't like it . " These things happen to all of us at some point in time , or most of us anyway . My first two wives left me . I didn 't lie on the floor having tantrums for a year , I can tell you that . He 's quite spoilt , if you ask me , " he said irritably . She tried not to talk to Simon at all about Charlie . She had her own guilt and conflicts to contend with . She didn 't want to go back to him , but she didn 't want to leave him bleeding by the side of the road either . She knew she had run over him . But she had no idea how to fix it for him , how to make it better than it was , or release him gently . She had tried , and she wanted to make it easier for him , but Charlie absolutely refused to let go of her , and every time she talked to him , she had the feeling he was drowning , and if she let him , in his desperate thrashing he would drown her . She needed to get away from him somehow , just for the sake of her own survival . At the end of September , they finally divided up their things . Simon had family business to attend to in the north of England , and Carole spent an agonizing weekend going through their old house with Charlie . He wanted to discuss each and every item , not because he was trying to keep anything from her , but because he used every moment with her as an opportunity to try and talk her into leaving Simon . It was a nightmare for both of them , and Carole hated hearing it as much as Charlie hated himself for what he was saying . He almost couldn 't believe it . But he just refused to let her slip away from him without making piteous screams and hideous noises in the hope that she would change her mind . But she was far from that . On Sunday night he apologized to her before she left . He smiled ruefully at her , as he stood in the doorway . He looked just awful . And Carole looked almost as bad as he did . " I 'm sorry I 've been such a horse 's ass all weekend . I don 't know what happens to me . Every time I see you , or talk to you , I go crazy . " It was the most normal he 'd seemed since they 'd started inventorying everything on Saturday morning . " It 's okay , Charlie . . . . I know this isn 't easy for you . " But it wasn 't easy for her either . She wasn 't sure if he understood that . And he didn 't . As far as he was concerned , she had left him . It had been her choice . And she had Simon . She had walked into another man 's arms , and she was never alone for a moment , never without company and comfort . Charlie had nothing . He had lost everything he had ever wanted . " It 's a rotten deal , " he said , looking into her eyes again . " For everyone . I just hope you don 't regret what you 're doing . " " So do I , " she said , and then she kissed him on the cheek and told him to take care , and a moment later she drove off in Simon 's Jaguar . Charlie stood staring after her , trying to make himself believe that it was all over , that she was never coming back again . And as he walked back into the house and saw the piles of her things everywhere , and their china stacked high on the dining room table , there was no escaping what had happened . He closed the door and just stood there and stared , and then he sat down in a chair and cried . He couldn 't believe how much he missed her . Even spending the weekend with her , dividing up their things , seemed better than nothing at all . And when he stopped crying finally , it was dark outside , and in an odd way , he felt better . There was no denying it anymore . No running away from it . She was gone . And he was letting her take almost everything with her . It was all he had left to give her . But by the first of October , for Charlie , everything was worse instead of better . The man in charge of the New York office of his architectural firm had a heart attack , the partner who could have taken his place announced that he was leaving to open a new firm of his own in Los Angeles , and the two senior partners of the firm , Bill Jones and Arthur Whittaker , flew to London to ask Charlie to come back to New York and take over . It was everything Charlie had never wanted . From the moment he had moved to London ten years before , he had known he never wanted to work in New York again , and he had spent a decade thrilled to be working in Europe . Charlie thought design was far more exciting abroad , particularly in Italy and France , he enjoyed his Asian forays as well , and he had every intention of remaining in Europe . " I can 't , " he said with an intractable look when they proposed the idea to him . But both of his senior partners were prepared to be tenacious . They needed him in New York to run the office . " Why not ? " they asked with candor . He didn 't want to tell them he just didn 't want to , but he didn 't . " Even if you want to come back here eventually , there 's no reason why you can 't come to New York for a year or two . There are a lot of interesting developments in the States right now . You might find that you actually prefer it . " He didn 't want to explain to them that there was no chance of it , nor did they want to point out to him that , now that his wife had left , he had no reason not to take the job . Unlike the other men they 'd thought of , he wasn 't tied to anyone , and was free to go anywhere . He had no wife and no children , no family ties anywhere . There was no reason whatsoever why he couldn 't rent his house for a year or two , and go to the New York office to keep it on an even keel , or at least until they could find someone else to run it for them . But Charlie was in no way intrigued by the idea , or inclined to do what they asked him . " It 's very , very important to us . Charlie , there 's no one else to turn to . " He knew that that was true . They were in an awkward spot . The man in the Chicago office couldn 't move , his wife had been very sick for the past year . She had breast cancer and was undergoing chemo , and this was no time to ask them to relocate . And no one else in the hierarchy of the New York office was really capable of taking over . Charlie was the obvious choice , and he knew that it would probably alter his professional situation permanently if he categorically refused to go . " We 'd really like you to think it over , " they insisted , and Charlie was appalled at the realities it entailed . He felt as though an express train were heading for him and were about to hit him . He couldn 't believe what was happening , and he just didn 't know what to say . He wished he could call Carole to discuss it with her , but he knew that was out of the question . It was incredible to him that in a matter of months , he had lost his wife , and now he was being forced to give up the life he loved in Europe . Everything around him seemed to be changing , and it was an agonizing two weeks while he mulled over the decision . The senior partners went back to New York after two days , and he told them he 'd give them an answer as soon as he 'd thought it over . But no matter how much he thought , he couldn 't figure out a way to avoid giving them what they wanted . He couldn 't even tell them his wife didn 't want him to go . As they knew very well , the decision was all on his own shoulders . And halfway through the month , he knew he had no choice . He had to go . They would never forgive him if he didn 't . He tried to negotiate for six months , and they told him they 'd try to find someone else to run the New York office by then , but they pointed out that it could easily take them a year , or even more . Important architects following exactly the right path in their design careers were certainly not easy to come by . They were going to replace Charlie in London with his second in command . Dick Barnes was a good man , and Charlie was sure he would do the job . In fact , that was even a matter of concern to Charlie , because Dick Barnes had been lusting after his job for a long time , and this might well prove to be an unexpected opportunity for him to get it . He was equally talented and almost as experienced , and Charlie was afraid that after Barnes had run the London office successfull y for a year they might not be willing to let Charlie come back and take over . And the one thing he didn 't want was to get stuck in New York . In the end , they signed a contract with him to go to New York for a year . And before he knew it , Charlie felt as though his life had come to an end and he was preparing to move to New York . They had insisted he be there well before Thanksgiving . Carole called him eventually when she heard the news from a mutual friend whose husband worked for Charlie . She congratulated him on the new appointment , although she was surprised to hear that he 'd been willing to leave London . " I don 't exactly consider it a step up in the world , " he said , still sounding gloomy , but glad that she had called him . It had been a bad year for him , and he could hardly remember the carefree days of happiness and good humor . Ever since she 'd left , something terrible seemed to happen every day . " The last thing I wanted to do was go back to work in New York , " he said with a sigh . He really hated to leave London , and she knew it . She knew full well how much his life there meant to him , and how happy he had been in London , which was why she had called him . In spite of everything , she wanted to cheer him up , although she knew that Simon would have disapproved of her calling . He spoke to at least two of his ex - wives fairly regularly , but they had been married several times since leaving him , and they weren 't clinging to him as Charlie was to Carole . " It sure feels like it , " he said , staring out his office window , seeing her far too clearly in his mind 's eye . She was so damn beautiful , and still so desirable to him , although he was beginning to wish she weren 't . It was going to be so odd being so far away from her . He wouldn 't be able to think about running into her anymore . Now there was always the chance he might run into her in a restaurant or a shop , or coming out of Harrods . But not when he left London . " I don 't know how I got myself into this mess , " he said , thinking about New York . " I didn 't . " He had no choice about anything anymore , not about her , or moving to New York . None of it was what he wanted . And then she asked him what he was going to do about the house . Legally , she still owned half of it , but she didn 't mind his living there . She didn 't need the cash , and she certainly didn 't plan to live in it with Simon . There was no reason why they couldn 't just hold on to it for the moment . " I thought I 'd rent it , " he said , and she agreed with him . But then she called him back two days later . She had thought about it , and discussed it with Simon at some length , although she didn 't say that to Charlie . And it was one thing , as far as she was concerned , if Charlie was living in the house , but she didn 't want tenants destroying it , or devaluating the property by causing damage to it . Under the circumstances , she preferred to sell it , and she asked Charlie to put it on the market before he left London . He felt as though he had lost yet another dear friend when she said that to him . He had loved their house , they both had . But he didn 't have the energy to argue with her this time , and he was beginning to understand that there was no point hanging on to any of it . The past was gone , and he might as well let their house go too . He thought about it for a few days , and then put it on the market . And much to their joint surprise , it sold within ten days for a good price , but that was small consolation to him . It was hard to know what to say to him , as she walked from room to room , remembering little things and funny moments , and finally she just stood in their bedroom , with tears rolling down her cheeks , staring out the window . The garden was bare , the trees were bereft of leaves , and she didn 't even hear him walk into the room behind her . He just stood there , looking at her , lost in his own memories , and when she turned to leave , she was surprised to see him . " I 'm going to miss this place , " she said , wiping away tears , and he nodded . For once , he wasn 't crying . He had been through too much pain , he had lost too much now . He felt almost numb , as she walked slowly toward him . " Me too , " she said softly , and then put her arms around him . For a long time , he just stood there and held her , wishing that none of it had happened . As far as Charlie was concerned , if it weren 't for Simon , they could still be living there , busy , and distracted , and going their own ways much of the time , but still happy to come home to each other . And if they 'd still been together , he could have refused to go to New York for the firm . Her job in Europe was far too important to ask for a transfer . " I 'm sorry , Charlie , " was all she said , as he stood there wondering how ten years of his life had vanished into thin air . He had lost it all , his wife , his house , and even his residency in Europe . It was as though the clock had been turned back , and he had to start over at the beginning . The real - life game of " Chutes and Ladders . " He had climbed the ladder nearly to the top , and with one false step he had slid all the way to the bottom . There was something agonizingly surrealistic about it . They walked out of the house hand in hand , and a few minutes later , she drove off . It was Saturday , and she had promised Simon she 'd drive to Berkshire to meet him . Charlie hadn 't even bothered to ask her this time if she was happy . It was obvious that her life was completely intertwined with Simon 's . It had only taken him nine months to understand that . And every moment of it had been torture for both of them . The rest of Charlie 's things had gone into storage shortly after that , and he moved into Claridge 's for the last few days of his stay in London , at the expense of the firm . There was a very nice dinner for him at the Savoy to celebrate his departure . Everyone from the office came , and a number of important clients . Other friends tried to invite him for dinner before he left , but he said he was too busy tying up loose ends at the office . He had hardly seen any of them since Carole left him . The required explanations were far too painful . It was easier for him not to go out , and leave London in silence . And when he left the office for the last time , Dick Barnes made a polite little speech about looking forward to seeing him again , but Charlie knew he wasn 't . It was obvious and natural that he was hoping Charlie would stay in New York , and leave Barnes running the London office . And Charlie didn 't blame him . He didn 't blame anyone , not even Carole . He called her to say good - bye the night before he left , but she was out , and he decided it was just as well . There was nothing left to say now except how sorry they both were , and all he ever wanted from her was an explanation of how it had happened . He still didn 't understand it . She was far more philosophical than he was . But then again , she had Simon . Charlie had no one in his life to console him . It was pouring rain when he woke up on the day he left , and he lay in bed at the hotel for a long time , thinking of what was happening , where he was going , and why he was leaving . He felt as though he had a boulder on his chest , and for a minute , he thought about cance ling everything , quitting the firm , trying to buy his house back , and refusing to leave London . It was a crazy idea , even to him , and he knew he 'd never do it . But for an instant the idea was very appealing , as he lay there , listening to the sound of the rain , trying to make himself get up and get into the shower . He had to be at the airport at eleven o ' clock , for a one o ' clock flight . The morning ahead of him seemed endless . And as he lay in bed , thinking about it , he had to force himself not to call Carole . He took a long , hot shower , put on a dark suit , a white shirt , and an Hermes tie , and promptly at ten o ' clock Charlie was outside the hotel , waiting for a cab , sniffing the London air for the last time , listening to the sounds of traffic moving by , looking up at the familiar buildings . It almost felt like leaving home for the first time . He still couldn 't believe he was going , and he kept hoping that someone would stop him before it was too late . He kept wanting her to come running down the street and th But the cab came finally , and the doorman looked at him expectantly , waiting for Charlie to get in . There was nothing left to do but get in the cab and go to the airport . She wasn 't coming . She never would again . She wouldn 't be coming back to him , he knew that now . She was Simon 's . He had a heavy heart as they drove through town , watching people come and go , to perform their daily tasks or do errands , and as they drove , it poured . It was a freezing November rain . It was typical English winter weather . And in less than an hour , they were at Heathrow . There was no turning back now . " Would you like something to drink now , Mr . Waterston ? Some champagne ? A glass of wine ? " the flight attendant asked pleasantly as he turned from his reverie at the window . They had been in the air for an hour , and it had finally stopped raining . " No , thanks , I 'm fine , " he said , looking a little less grim than when he boarded . They had all noticed that he looked desperately unhappy . He declined cocktails , and left his headset unused on the seat beside him . He turned his face toward the window again , and when they came by with dinner , he was asleep . " Just another tired businessman fooling around on his wife . Trust me . " The oldest flight attendant grinned , and headed down the aisle into first class with fruit and cheese and ice cream sundaes . She stopped to look at Charlie again , he was sound asleep and never stirred , and she rolled slowly past him . Her colleague wasn 't entirely wrong . Charlie had finally taken his wedding ring off the night before he left London . He had taken it off and held it in his hand for a long time , just staring at it , and remembering the day she 'd put it on him . It had been a long time . . . ten years in London , nine of them with Carole . And now , as they flew toward New York , even Charlie knew it was over . But he still had his wedding ring in his pocket . And as he slept on the flight , he dreamed that he was with her . She was laughing and talking to him , but when he tried to kiss her , she turned away from him . He couldn 't understand it , but he kept reaching out to her . And in the distance he saw a man watching them . . . she was turning toward him . . . and when Charlie looked up , he saw the man beckoning to her , and she went to him . She slipped right through Charlie 's hands , as he watched her go to him . . . it was Simon , and he was laughing . Excerpted from The Ghost by Danielle Steel Copyright © 1997 by Danielle Steel . Excerpted by permission of Dell , a division of Random House , Inc . All rights reserved . No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher .