" I was down on my luck in Philly . Way down and a couple hundred bucks in debt . Finally I landed a strip in a two - bit night club . Some club . It was really a crummy bar with a few tables and a junkie piano player who 'd been lost in orbit before they invented satellites . It was the kind of dump where I had to use the owner 's office for my dressing room . At the end of the first week he paid me off with a rubber check so we worked out a deal where I would strip only on weekends and work as a barmaid the rest of the time - with a cash pay - off every night . Along with the tips I was doing kind of fair , averaging about a hundred a week . I planned on holding down the bar for a few months , until I got straight with my debts . It was a break for the owner ; business picked up . Most of the customers had seen me strip and told their friends . Somehow they got a bang having me serve them drinks . You know how it was , the joint full of whispered snickers and X - ray eyes all the time . " Well , the owner had me wearing a low - cut dress , one of those bare shoulder deals that made the lads jump when I bent over to put their drinks down . Only the bar was in line with the door and about ten days later I caught a cold , soon I was in bed with a fever . Then I heard the owner had lost his cabaret license because entertainers aren 't supposed to work in the joint , too . So I was back to being out of work again , only this time I was sick enough to die and stuck in a flea - bag hotel . Josef came up to see me , the only person who gave a damn . He took care of me , sent up a doc , and … " Rose gave me an annoyed look . " Yes - was . He was a stocky , kind of squat man , a quiet fellow with a large head and weird bushy grey hair that stood straight up . One of his eyes looked odd - later I learned it had been shot out and he was wearing a glass one . He was a foreigner who spoke with a thick accent and hung around the bar every night , sipping wine , watching the other regulars as though it was all a show . He chain - smoked cigarettes in a little gold holder . He wore a European suit and overcoat , with belts in the back , and heavy shoes . Never did more than nod at me , or slip me a buck tip at the end of the night , that 's why I was surprised when he came to see me . But then , he was full of surprises . One night he sat at the piano and played like he was on the concert stage . When one of the bar - lushes yelled for jazz , he played a real hot piano , too . Yet no matter how often he was coaxed he 'd never play again - at the bar . " He was a mixture of charm , manners , and toughness . Like one night in the bar a clown made cracks about foreigners getting all the jobs here . You know how any sort of stuff can build up in a gin mill . It started as a joke but the clown began getting nasty and then Josef knocked him flat with a terrible punch . Okay , most guys would have left it at that . But Josef gets this funny look in his good eye . He picked a beer bottle off the bar , broke it , and damn near stabbed the unconscious guy in the guts . The bouncer got to Josef first . The bouncer was an ex - pug , bigger than you , and at least a foot taller than Josef . He clipped Josef on the chin and Josef used Judo or something , threw him clear across the room . Then he stood in the center of the joint , muttering something nobody could understand - the broken bottle still in his right hand as if challenging the whole crowd . A cop came in with his gun out . Cool as ice , Josef walked over and shoved the broken bottle over the barrel of the cop 's pistol . Then he stood there , waiting , this crazy smile on his big face . When the cop yelled for him to get his hands up , Josef took his time , even gave the cop a mock bow , and let the policeman frisk him . He was packing a gun on his hip , too , a very small automatic . More cops came and they took him away , but within the hour Josef was back at his usual place at the bar , drinking his wine as if nothing had happened . He was one tough little son of a … " " Aha . I told you he had this kind of charm about him , like bothering to see me when he heard I was sick . And he was generous , took care of my bills . When I was well , I moved into his room - in another cheap hotel . A week later he woke up one afternoon , said he was headed for Chicago , did I want to go ? It always took me a while to understand his broken English , but I said yes damn fast . I hardly had any choice . Then he gave me a speech with a smile , a line about conventions and moral hypocrisy in America , and ended with saying if I wanted to marry him , he would do it . I told you , he was a surprise bag . I couldn 't see what I had to lose and we were married . Although I always had the feeling nothing mattered a heavy damn to him , and he probably had wives all over the world . " We found a small furnished apartment in Chicago and I saw another side of Josef , he was a master with wood . He made a complete dinette set for us , as good as anything in a store . Or while he 'd be listening to the radio - we never had a TV set - he 'd start whittling on some old hunk of wood and soon have a chain , or perhaps a figure of a … " Rose shrugged . " He didn 't work . He 'd sit around all day and read these foreign papers , and my Lord , he could speak enough languages , but not English . He used to have a lot of dizzy pet names for me . ' Mila , ' and ' liebling . ' I never knew what they meant . Josef wasn 't a big spender but seemed to have ready money . I never saw him go to a bank or receive any mail ; he carried his green in a money belt . I don 't know where he got it . " " Yes , One day , after we were married , I did ask . In his busted English he told me , ' Grosser blondine , I have done too much work in life already . I am retired from this crazy world . ' Of course I asked what he used to do , what he had retired from ? He knocked me down with an open hand slap . I flip when a man roughs me up . I went at him with a pair of scissors that happened to be on the table . The next thing I knew he 'd dropped me hard on the floor and was holding the scissors . He was kneeling beside me , smiling kind of odd - like that time in the bar ; he put the scissors near my throat . I was too scared to say a word . He said , ' You are brave , liebling , not a cry . I am an expert at slicing . Never make me angry again . I am not a beast unless I am pressed . As we all are . ' I never asked again and that was the last and only time he hit me ; I got that message to him . The weird part is , he was talking pretty good English then . " " I knew exactly what I was to Josef , merely a gal to have around . But what would I leave him for ? For men to make big - eyes at my body in some filthy night club ? Was that any different ? And if Josef acted loony at times , living with him was easier than scratching for a job . He was a good thing . " She turned toward me . " Does it shock you to hear me say that ? " " No . " I wondered if , in a sense , she was merely something very beautiful to have around for me too . But how many jokers ever have anything beautiful around ? " Yes it does , Mickey , I see it on your face . I 'm glad , I want it to shock you because that life is over for me . I have plenty of good years left for you . " Rose sat on the foot of the bed , her figure in silhouette against the light of the doorway , slowly smoking the cigarette . " There isn 't much to tell , I never was able to know him . He carried a gun at times , yet he wasn 't any racketeer or punk . He was tough and had been through a lot … had scars all over his body of nasty looking wounds . On one shoulder there was a tattoo of a tiny blue and yellow bird . It was pretty . He told me it had been done in Indochina . Josef had an odd build . His legs and hips were nothing but he had a powerful chest and shoulders , arms bigger than yours . We slept in twin beds because he 'd often get nightmares . In a whisper he would scream and curse , moan , punch the air , and wake up in a sweat . When he awoke he might start laughing , check the door lock , and maybe take a pill . I used to listen but most of what he said was in some foreign language . One name he 'd repeat often was ' Sour the German . ' Willie Sour . It was the only time he ever used a first name and I remember it because I kept thinking of sauerkraut . And there was a girl 's name , probably some Oriental chippy . He used to say her name with a sigh , so she must have been a hot number . He 'd say , ' Me - Lucy - Ah . ' But I never asked him about these people . I didn 't want to know . " Rose crushed the cigarette in the chair ashtray , stretched out on the bed next to me . For a few minutes she didn 't speak and I thought she had dozed off . Then she said , " I want to be fair . Josef didn 't give me a hard time . Mostly he left me alone . I 'd cook for him and sleep with him , and that was it . The rest of the time he 'd be reading his papers , often chuckling . He might talk aloud , but rarely in English . Once he roared with laughter at something in the papers and said , ' So they got Listro , that swine . The Devil will have a tough soul to roast now . ' But as I said , mostly he 'd read or fool around with his hunks of wood . In the evening if I wanted to go to a movie , he 'd take me , but he was always laughing at the wrong places . Sometimes he took me to concerts , longhaired junk . If I wanted money , or seemed bored , he would pull out ten or twenty bucks - more if I asked - and say , ' Grosser blondine , you are restless . Buy yourself something . ' " Often we would bar - hop , but he never drank anything but wine . I never saw him loaded . Josef didn 't have any friends - neither did I - but in bars he would talk to strangers . He liked to argue about music . Once he met a guy who 'd been an army officer and they talked all night in French , I guess , about wars , making diagrams on the napkins . When he was in the mood , he was a great cook . Especially in the summer . How he loved the sun ! All summer we 'd stay on a beach , even camp out for a night there . He couldn 't swim and didn 't care for fishing , but he loved the sun . Didn 't seem to have nightmares in the summer either . That 's when he cooked , knocking out fancy pastries like a chef . " The January before I - saw you - we moved to New York . For no reason I knew of . I suppose he liked to be on the go and always in a big city where he could buy all those foreign papers . We rented a furnished apartment - Josef never spent money for clothes or decent rooms . In New York he started muttering to himself a great deal . Once he looked up from a paper and mumbled , ' Ah , mila , the world is very sick . There is no peace . Sakiet makes me sad . ' I said , ' Just tell this Sac - it - guy to leave you alone . ' Josef gave me a sad look and told me I was sick , too . About this time he started writing every night , studying maps in a cheap atlas he bought . He told me he was writing letters . I thought maybe to his Oriental chippy . He 'd scratch away all night , often staring at the wall for a long time , then writing like mad . He didn 't give a damn if I was around or not . One afternoon , I ran into a small - time booking agent I knew . He had a singing job for me in a mid - town bar . I took it for something to do . " Josef didn 't mind . He 'd usually come around at about two in the morning , to sip his wine , and take me home when I 'd finished . This was strictly a small time joint , no names out front or anything . I didn 't have a police work permit for New York , but the owner didn 't care . Only me and a kid who played a good organ . Josef even gave me money to buy a couple of dresses , never asked for a dime of what I made . This went on for a few months . He was writing all the time , or going to the library . " I guess it was in May - I know it was getting warm - when I came home from shopping one afternoon and there was this little man with a completely bald head and an evil face - part of his nose had been eaten away at one time - having tea with Josef . I gathered this was Willie Sour . I also knew Josef was upset that I 'd returned so soon . Sauerkraut looked like the original creep and he gave me the once - over , made some laughing crack . I didn 't have to understand the language to know what he was saying . He left a few minutes later . Josef seemed on edge . He was packing his gun again and strapped an ugly knife up his sleeve . I didn 't ask what it was about but he told me , ' Liebling , soon I have much money . We travel far . There is nothing to worry over . ' " When I finished my midnight number I found him waiting in my dressing room - which was a part of the greasy kitchen screened off from the wino cook . Josef seemed gay but when he put his arms around me I felt the sleeve knife . He stayed in the kitchen while I went on , yakking with the cook in Italian , or something . When he took me home that night in a cab - usually he liked to walk - he asked what I was doing the next day . I told him I was going to have my hair done . " Rose paused . " I 'm going into details because this is the important part . " " Josef asked what time I had to be at the hairdresser 's . I told him at one . You see , I think even then he was trying to make sure I 'd be out of it . In the morning , he … " " I 'm coming to it - listen . He was up early the next morning . Everything seemed okay except I noticed he had packed his carving tools . He was very fond of them . He told me to leave the flat by eleven and wait at the beauty parlor for him . No matter how long it took , I was to wait there . I didn 't ask any questions . I used an hour window - shopping and having a bite . I was in the hairdresser 's by noon and read the magazines . They were done with my hair at about two and I sat around . I was bored . I 'd already finished the magazines . At three - thirty I phoned the super . He had an office on the ground floor since he rented flats by the week . When I asked him to see if Josef was home , he wanted to know where I was . I told him , not realizing what a queer question it was . He said to hold the phone while he went up to look . I waited a few minutes and this radio car sirened to a stop in front of the beauty parlor and two cops came in - for me . They rushed me to a police station . Josef had been stabbed to death . I … " " No ! Why are you always accusing me of something ? " " I just thought … it would add that way . " " The police knew exactly when Josef died - at twenty - two minutes after one in the afternoon . The super had seen a man with a deformed nose go up to our flat at a few minutes after noon when he was polishing the door brass . Then at twenty after one , as the super was talking to the mailman , they heard this brawl going on in the flat and two minutes later Josef opened the door and fell down the stairs , practically landed at their feet . He was bleeding like a pig and died as they were bending over him . A cop came a few seconds later , but the guy who did it had left by the fire - escape . Naturally the first thing they checked on was me . I could prove I was in the beauty parlor between twelve - thirty and three - thirty ; a half a dozen women saw me … " " I told you I hadn 't done anything , " Rose said coldly . " But I 'm on the run . From the law . The law wants to kill me . " " What do you mean the law wants to kill you ? " " Exactly what I said . I don 't know why , but they 've tried to murder me several times . By ' they ' I mean the police , Johns with badges . " " I keep telling you , they 're not after me for the killing . I don 't know what they want of me . You asked what I 'm running from . Let me finish telling you . The cops didn 't get rough with me - at first . They not only had my alibi , but they also knew a man had done the knifing ; the super hadn 't seen this guy leave our flat . The police started asking me about boyfriends , thought jealousy might be the motive . I told them how I 'd met Josef , why I 'd married him . Everything . All this took a couple of hours . When I thought they were finished with me , there was a good deal of whispered conversations among them , as if something entirely new had turned up . I was left alone in a dusty little room , merely a chair and me . Soon some new detectives came in , younger and better dressed than the police . They said they were from Washington . They … " Rose shook her head . " I don 't know . They were just from Washington . They didn 't ask a single question about the killing , but where we 'd lived , who Josef 's friends had been , even the restaurants we ate in , and what we did all day . I told them all I could , which was about what I 've told you . When I mentioned his writing these letters the past few months they wanted to know what was in the letters and where did he keep them ? Did he have much money ? I gave it to them straight ; that most of the time I had no idea what he was reading , saying , or writing , because it was all in this foreign tongue . I tried to help , told them about hearing Sauerkraut 's name , and this Oriental babe Josef yelled in his sleep . But these fellows kept grilling me . I became frightened . I had a headache . I knew they thought I was holding out on them . But I was telling them all I knew - or almost . " " Well , one thing I didn 't tell anybody was about my working . Since I didn 't have a permit , why get the bar owner and myself in a jam ? The job had nothing to do with Josef 's dying and once an entertainer is on the wrong police list - she 's had it . These Washington men kept hammering away at me to remember names , places . They simply refused to believe I didn 't know a thing . They drove me back to the flat and it was a bloody mess . Everything was ransacked . Then they started searching ; going through the torn mattresses , pillows , even tore up the lousy flower wallpaper . The weird bit was , they never told me what they were hunting for . Finally they hauled me downtown - not to a police station but to a regular office , a big office . Without names on the doors . By this time it was night and I was so hungry I was sick . And I was mad . They started questioning me all over again about money , his friends . When I said I was starved they told me to talk and I could eat . Some of the men were tough with me , calling me a dumb blonde , a whore . Others tried to be friendly , letting me have a smoke , saying I was in a jam and to tell them everything I knew . I did , but I didn 't know whatever it was they wanted . Again , I told them the addresses we 'd lived at in other cities , tried to convince them I didn 't have any friends , never saw any of Josef 's except that Sauerkraut character . " When I said Josef carried his dough in a money belt , never had a bank account that I knew of , they told me he only had a hundred bucks on him when he died . After a time I became plain angry and kept asking if I was under arrest . Then I said I wouldn 't say another word , demanded the right to call a lawyer . Maybe ten or fifteen minutes later they suddenly said I could go . Said it like we 'd just been passing the time of day . That was the start of it . " " Of my being followed , hounded , attempts on my life . When I left their office , which was far downtown , the first thing I did was stop in a bar for a shot and a sandwich . You know how it is with a blonde , she can 't go into a bar alone without a dozen jokers thinking it 's an invitation to a rumba . I left there and took a cab back to the flat to get my clothes . A guy there flashed a fast identification card at me , or maybe it was a badge , said I couldn 't touch a thing . He was a tall , handsome guy , well set - up , but with a thin - mouthed , mean face . Seemed to me I 'd seen him for a second in the offices downtown . He told me to stop acting dumb , start getting smart and work with him , that I was in real trouble . I asked what trouble I was in , how could I work with him ? He pointed around the ransacked room , asked if it could still be hidden there . When I asked what was hidden , he said to cut the dumb act and yanked out a gun . He was going to shoot me , he told me so : said he 'd kill me if I didn 't come clean . I was alone in the flat with him and I was scared crazy . I said it was someplace inside the kitchen oven . While he was kneeling and poking around the stove , I busted a chair over his head and ran . It was about eleven at night and I had twenty - seven dollars on me . I took a cab downtown , checked in at a small hotel . Along with the room key I got the usual stares from the slob of a clerk - a flashy blonde without baggage asking for a room for the night . I was dead tired and went right to sleep . But I kept having phone calls all night . I couldn 't sleep and was a nervous wreck by morning , so I … " " I 'd answer and the phone would go dead . Finally I took the receiver out of its cradle , but every hour or so there would be a knock at my door and no answer when I asked who was there . I was terrified and didn 't know who to turn to . Certainly not the police . Soon as it was light I went out for breakfast and knew I was being followed . Two clucks with dick stamped all over their beefy faces . They didn 't even try to be clever about it , openly tailed me . Over coffee I read the morning papers . I expected headlines but there wasn 't a word about the killing . Returning to the hotel , the room clerk told me I had to be out by noon , hinted I was whoring . " I tried hard to get a few hours sleep , but I was too jittery . I left at noon , still being shadowed by the flat - footed beef . I walked around , half nuts with worry . All these years I 'd moved around so much , I didn 't have any friends I could turn to . A swarthy little man brushed against me right out on the street , said something I couldn 't understand . When I told him to beat it , he slapped me and ran . The two tons following me saw it all , didn 't do a damn thing . But a woman being slapped on the street drew a curious crowd and a cop came along . When I told him what had happened , he took me to a police station . A few minutes later one of the Washington guys showed and had a private talk with the desk officer . The officer came back and told me if he ever saw me in the precinct again I 'd be sent up for being drunk and disorderly . Then the Washington lad got me aside and asked when I was going to stop being stubborn and cooperate ? I wanted to scream I 'd told them all I knew , but instead I ran out of the station house . I went into the first lawyer 's office I passed , started telling a shifty - looking little man what had happened . He thought I was crazy . While I was talking he had a phone call and then he told me to get out of his office . " My nerves were red hot wires . I tried to shake the men following me , but I 'm easy to follow , being so big . Crossing a street a car deliberately tried to run me down - came right at me and I had to jump back on the sidewalk . It was a detective car , one of those plain Fords or Chevys they use . The two men in it sure looked like dicks . I kept walking . A big guy roughed me up , walked into me so hard I nearly fell . He didn 't say a word , kept walking . I was out of my mind with fear . I went into a cafeteria to eat and couldn 't hold my food down . I had to get some sleep . I tried several hotels but by this time I was looking pretty tacky . Also I was running out of money . I 'd wasted ten bucks trying to lose my shadows by changing cabs . Then I purchased some fresh under - things , changed in the ladies room of a bar . The owner of the place where I 'd been working owed me a week 's pay but I didn 't know how to reach him without first shaking the beef . A guy pretending to be drunk propositioned me - right on the street . Started following me . Then he got sore and threw a punch at me . I kicked him where it did the most good and ran . There was only one thing left . I knew I had one … uh … weapon they couldn 't match . " " Come on , don 't be dumb , " Rose said , her voice hard . " I 'd read in a detective story how a crook shook the guys following him by riding in the first car of a subway train . At each station he would step out and look down the length of the train to see if anybody else got off - then he jumped out as the doors closed at an empty station . I was going to try that but I finally got a break . I had a token in my bag and the two clowns tailing me were still coming down the stairs when I made a train closing its doors . As we pulled out of the station I saw them leaping the turnstiles , flashing badges at the token seller . I got off at the next station and hid in the ladies room for a time . The platform was empty when I came out . I … . " Rose became mad . " You 're the one wanted to hear all this , so damn it , listen ! I went up to the street , only had to stand on the corner for a few seconds . A young fellow not twenty stopped his car . My luck held , he had his own room way up in the Bronx . I spent two nights and a day with him , managed to rest and catch up on my sleep . He must have thought he was in heaven , I didn 't ask him for money or anything . He only left me to bring in food and the papers . There still wasn 't a word about Josef . While this kid was in the bathtub I scrammed , used my last dollars to taxi down to the bar where I 'd worked . I was shaking as I walked in . " The owner acted normal , wanted to know where I 'd been , said the least I could have done was phoned . I told him I was sick and had to leave . He paid me the $ 35 I had coming . Almost as an afterthought , in fact the owner reminded me of it , I went down to the kitchen to pick up my suitcase . I used it to hold cosmetics , a wrapper , stockings , and an old dress . The bag was far too heavy . I opened it and saw all the money . I didn 't know what to do . " " Yes . I pulled out a bill and took another cab back to the kid 's room , gave him a bull yarn about I 'd gone for my things . I had him drive me to Boston the next day . Poor kid , he probably lost his job , taking off all that time - but he had what he wanted . We spent the night in a flea - bag and I gave him the slip , boarded a plane to Miami . I registered at a tourist house , bought clothes and dyed my hair . I kept reading the out - of - town papers carefully . Still not a peep about the killing . I rested up for a week . I had this money - knew this was what the police had been searching for - but I was afraid to go to the cops ; they 'd think I 'd had it all the time because I hadn 't said anything about working at the bar . I figured I 'd stay put and later try to make it to Mexico . On the ninth day I was in Miami I saw a car waiting for a light - that evil - faced guy with an eaten - away nose at the wheel . I didn 't know if he 'd seen me or not . I got panicky . " I took the bus to Key West and changed my hair color again . I had a plan , a desperate one . I bought a boat and an outboard for $ 580 . I made certain to give the boat yard owner my real name and Josef 's address in New York . I told him I wanted to do a lot of fishing . He flirted with me , warned about going out too far . I had him paint ROSE MARIE on the bow and there was a metal plate with the name of his yard in the cockpit . I took the suitcase , some food , extra gas , and asked for fishing tips . I went out to an isolated key , turned the boat over and let it drift away . I figured in a few days the authorities would think I 'd drowned and in the meantime I 'd be picked up by a yacht or a fishing boat and … " She nodded . " There it is , the truth you wanted , Mickey . " Her hand played with the muscles of my right arm , a habit of hers . " I never lied to you . I mean when we started , I put things on the table , face up . I thought I 'd leave you the first time you became curious , but you never did - until now . Sure , I hardly expected things to turn out as well as this , that I would fall for you . But I 'm so very glad they have ! " " Honey , when I first picked you up , or you picked me up , I had to feel you were running from the law and I didn 't give a damn . What I 'm trying to do now is think the way the police must have thought . And we have to talk about this , so don 't be touchy . " " Sorry I flew off the handle , Mickey . All the police and Washington wanted was to know where the money and his letters were . I didn 't know he 'd left it in my dressing room the night before . I told you , I only went there by chance . " " That was almost a year ago . All this time … you could have taken off with the money any time you wished . You knew I couldn 't yell for the cops ? " She let out a kind of shrill laugh and gave me a big kiss . " You 're the boy for me , all right ! This only proves how much we love each other . " She gave me another quick kiss , slipped out of bed , and said , " Are you hungry ? Can I fix anything ? " " No , but I 'll buy a few hours of shut - eye . Tell me one last bit : it seemed the Feds didn 't want you to go to a lawyer . They let you go when you mentioned calling one . Since you had nobody to turn to , why didn 't you see what a mouthpiece could have done ? " " I was flat , and lawyers mean money , especially if they 're expected to fight City Hall . After , when I found the money , I was too scared to stop running . Now you get your sleep . I 'm going to take a wash - swim , read some of the papers on the boat . " I watched her slip into an old red bathing suit , and put on her sneakers , blow me a kiss , and run out . I lay spread - eagled on the hot bed and tried to think . Was Rose handing me a snow job ? It seemed that way . Still , the part about missing me , loving me , that had to be real : she 'd said it before I 'd asked about her past . The trouble was , her story sounded nutty - but so crazy I couldn 't see her making it up . And she didn 't have to tell me a word , could have let things stand as they were . I went to the John and through the window screen saw Rose sunning herself on the deck of the Sea Princess , reading a newspaper . I moved the bed and raised a cracked floor board . She had the money in a fireproof metal box under the floor . Naturally I knew the combination . I took out the letters . There were about a hundred pages of ruled paper , the writing precise and stingy . Old Josef sure must have a steady hand . I couldn 't make out a word - the pages seemed to be a combination of German and some other language . I could show a single page to Ansel , he knew a few languages , see what the letters were all about . But that was risky . I thumbed through the papers and didn 't see any diagrams or figures . I had an idea it might be stuff about an invention , a new atom bomb , or something . I wrapped them back in oilskin and put the box away . I started a cigar and went back to bed . Weird as the story was , somehow seeing the letters again clinched things . I had to go along with the idea Rose was leveling with me . I concentrated on my cigar for a few minutes , waiting for my alleged brains to settle down . I told myself , " You have to read between her lines . Maybe she really went for this Josef and became hysterical , thought the whole world was after her . Or if she didn 't care for him , she was hysterical because it meant the end of her meal ticket . But what was Josef 's real racket ? He had to be doing something beside reading foreign papers all day . All this dough . Suppose he had cased and held up a bank ? And how come not a line about Josef 's death in the papers ? But you never know what the cops want to keep under wraps . Could be Josef and this Sauerkraut did the bank job and the cops were afraid Sauerkraut would hole up if the papers had it ? " Hell with all this guessing , let 's stick to Rose . They didn 't have a thing on her or they wouldn 't have released her . She 's shocked , broke , bewildered … and then she finds the loot Josef stashed in her dressing room . Rose has only one idea - to run . Suppose the cops do get her - if they 're even looking for her now . What could they charge her with ? The money was her husband 's and he 's stiff , so it 's hers . And if it was stolen loot , Rose had no way of knowing that . They didn 't tell her a thing . Worst could happen to us would be she 'd have to return the rest of the money . Little chance of even that . All this was over a year ago , longer , and she 's Rose Whalen now , a boat bum . And the trick she pulled in the Keys - wasn 't so corny as it sounded - after all these months they might think she drowned , close the case . We 're safe . That 's the big deal - we 're safe . " I awoke late in the afternoon and felt so good I took a shave . I swam out to the boat , the salt water a bracer on my face . Ansel was sitting with Rose , both of them busy reading the magazines and papers I 'd brought . Ansel 's pot - belly was hanging over an old worn pair of khaki trunks almost the color of his skin . Rose looked great , her big body relaxed , hair blowing slightly with the little breeze . She had this habit of moving her lips as she read . I was swimming out to a great boat - which was mine - and to a babe who was also mine , and probably one of the most beautiful women in the world . What more could I ask of life ? I went below for a sandwich and cold beer . The trouble was I did want something else . I wanted to know if Rose 's story was true . I told myself I had to know because of the way she 'd acted on my return , all the tender mush . I 'd probably be living with her for the rest of my life . Before I 'd figured Rose would run out on me , sooner or later . But if she wanted to make it forever , that was fine , except I had to know the truth . Of course I was aware I was kidding myself . All this was mixed with my yen to see New York with Rose . It would be a rugged deal to ask of her , and her terror , but the answer was too simple : I 'd insist we go . If she was lying she 'd flatly refuse . But if she 'd told me the truth , I could convince her she had nothing to fear or … I went on deck . Rose grinned at me from behind the fashion mag she was reading . Ansel cut open the last of the drinking nuts I 'd tied to the rigging in Haiti . In his usual talkative mood he slipped off into a lecture on how history books under - rated the poor coconut . They called bread the staff of life while the coconut not only provided food for a good portion of the peoples of the world , but also clothing , plates , oil , boats , mats and building material . Ansel was knocking himself out . I wasn 't listening ; I was watching Rose … . my favorite hobby . Not studying her directly but staring at her reflection in the calm water . Schools of tiny chrome colored anchovies raced by now and then , making it a cracked mirror . Rose was in a happy mood , commenting on the new movies - which should reach the island theatres in about ten years - laughing at the fashion news . The trouble was , if I told her about going to New York it would be obvious I didn 't trust her and she might be mad enough to walk out on me . That I didn 't want - ever . I might work the motor repair deal as an excuse for returning to the States . But if I was a clever fellow - and I wasn 't - I 'd work things around so it would seem as if New York was her idea . I watched the water , pleased with what I saw . Then the sky clouded and it grew muggy . What breeze there was died . I turned on my back , stared up at the thin clouds . Ansel announced it would rain before morning . Rose said we 'd better start ferrying the stuff to the hut . While she was busy in the cabin , Ansel helped load the dink and managed to get some stuff I 'd brought for him into his battered rowboat . As he was about to shove off he asked if I was interested in hunting pacas before supper ? Some had been seen in a nearby swamp . A paca is about the size of a small dog , sort of large rat with brown and white spots . It 's very tender when roasted and I like it , but Rose won 't touch it because it 's a rat . I told Ansel I was too tired . The islanders are so crazy about it that when one was known to be around so many people went hunting a guy could get himself shot . It would be a dumb accident like that to keep me from seeing New York City . After Ansel left , Rose started ferrying the stuff ashore . I washed down the decks , cleaned out the cabin , and made the Sea Princess ship - shape . I took care of the engines and the sails , then I helped Rose . It was twilight and the air thick with heat by the time we got everything into the hut . We were both sweating and as we started for the water and a final swim , the rain hit . We stripped and took a fresh water shower . I thought it was going to be a long rain but in the morning , or rather at noon , when we awoke , the sun was out bright . I still hadn 't caught up on my sleep . Rose started opening cans and we stuffed ourselves with tins of tongue and beef , even caviar , along with fancy cakes , corn - anything else we felt like eating . We went back to bed and slept some more . Some time in the middle of the night we got up and took a dip . The sky was lousy with stars and we returned to the hut and started playing the new records , keeping the sound down , drinking a little . We awoke in the middle of the next afternoon . It was hot and sunny and we did a lot of swimming and some spear fishing . Rose decided she wanted pancakes so we cooked and ate stacks of them , finished with ice cream , and went through the records again . Rose sang with some of the older numbers , told me about the time she lost twenty - six pounds in a week for a part she never got . She didn 't eat a thing but drank coffee all day long and by the end of the week her nerves were so raw she was ready to be put away . She said , again , " I sure was a simple broad , in those days . " When we got up the following morning it was raining , hard . It rained steadily for the next five days . I didn 't mind , I can sleep fine in the rain . Rose started playing her records , but the hi - fi set would hardly work : too many people were using the island current . At Ansel 's store you had to play the rundown jukebox during the day , when the single island generator didn 't have much of a load . On the second day of the rain , the lights were too dim for reading . Also gnats and other bugs came to life in the muggy weather and made us miserable . We ate up most of the canned goods - all the fancy stuff making us slightly sick - so we got a little drunk and went back to the damp bed . It was raining just as hard when we awoke early in the morning , and I could see Rose was getting the blues . She never can get accustomed to being cooped up . Twice a day we ran to the water to check on the boat , take a bath , and get some fresh vegetables and fish at Ansel 's house . Then we 'd return home , our feet covered with mud . There wasn 't enough juice to read by or even play the radio . I wanted to go out to the boat , run the motors and get some music , but Rose said the bay looked too dreary . Instead we went up to Ansel 's and by candlelight played whist . Mrs . Ansel acted like she had a fortune going on every card , which made a dull game even duller . On the way home Rose slipped in the mud and cursed when I laughed . We took a swim and she was still in a bad mood , snapping at me . Sleeping was a Turkish bath and when I suggested I go out to the boat to sleep , she said she didn 't want to be alone . I told her on the next trip I 'd see if I could pick up a generator for our own use , but Rose wasn 't listening . In the middle of the night I heard her get up and kill a bottle , then reread the papers by the fight of a single candle . Most times I could bring her out of these moods but now I didn 't try . I had a plan going for me and the rain was my sidekick . I wished it would rain for a month , as it did in the rainy season . Instead of keeping out of her way , I yelled back at her , acted like a real pain . I was waiting for her hysterical tears , a sign she was truly down in the dumps . It made me feel like a heel , but I had to do it - or so I sold myself . The next morning she got into a huff and we didn 't talk all day . I thought that would do it but Rose didn 't seem to mind . The thing that broke her up was this : Mrs . Ansel came to the hut and Rose whispered to me she wasn 't going to play another boring game of whist or checkers . But Mrs . Ansel only asked if we had some cotton to spare . The baby had the measles . Rose said we must immediately sail the kid to a doctor in Georgetown : but Mrs . Ansel said nonsense , she wanted the cotton to rub the boy down with bay rum and keep the fever from rising . She was quite calm , said to let nature take its course and the sooner the kid had the measles and got over them , the happier he would be . We went up to the house and Rose helped her sponge the kid , who was running 102 and looked sick . I smoked a cigar with Ansel and said maybe I should get a doctor . He said it was nothing , the spots and sores were coming and in a week it would be all over . In the kid 's room I could hear Rose arguing with Mrs . Ansel , their voices growing louder . Ansel winked at me as Rose screamed - Mrs . Ansel didn 't know or care what she was doing - and ran out of the bungalow . I left a few minutes later . I found Rose sitting on the steps of the hut , wet and muddy … and crying loudly . I took her inside and undressed her , toweled her down , and turned on the gas boiler for a hot bath . She took a big shot of whiskey and in the faint light from the gas range I started reading the night club ads from one of the old New York papers , innocently asking if she 'd ever been in this and that club , what did it look like , how was the food and music , and all the rest of the jive . I read most of the ads and nothing happened . Then all of a sudden she became hysterical and savagely tore the paper to bits . This was the right time to pull the string . I told her to relax and she told me where to go . I asked , " Honey , how about getting away from here ? For a few weeks ? Be a change . " " I don 't mean island - jumping . I mean a real change . How about sailing north , putting in at cities like Jacksonville , Charleston , Atlantic City , or even New York ? " That was okay , it was merely the first thing she could put her hands on . " Take it easy , Rose ; if I didn 't believe you I wouldn 't suggest this . Island living is great , but it takes time to get used to the slow pace . It 's fine for Ansel , he was born here . It works out for us - except for a few short days like now . If we could spend several weeks each year in a big city , get the … the desire for excitement out of our systems , we could live here the rest of our lives and do it well . But if we don 't - we have nothing here if we blow our tops . " " Can you ? Look at yourself , hysterical , almost on the verge of flipping . And my nerves are ragged , too . For all we know it might rain for another week or more . " My voice was as smooth as a salesman 's . " Honey , in Port - au - Prince I walked the streets with crowds , I ate in a few restaurants , took in a movie . And all the time I felt more jittery than I do now . It doesn 't mean a thing if you 're not along . Don 't you know that ? Times Square would be a drag without you . " For a long moment she stared at me , her face changing - losing its hardness , its tension . For a second I thought my plan was backfiring . I didn 't care , it was worth something to see her smile again . Rose came over and sat on my lap , kissing me , whispering , " That 's the sweetest thing a man ever told me , Mickey . " I held her tightly and wondered what I was knocking myself out for . But under all my feelings this desire to find out if her story was true , to live big , began bubbling up again . " I 've been thinking about what you told me the other day . About Josef and … " " Yeah . I 've had a chance to give it some thought . Babes , I think you 've been running from nothing , being chased by your own shadow . For example when … " I kissed her cheek . " Rose , don 't tighten up . I 'm not out to hurt you , scare you . There 's only you and me talking in this hut , so relax . Talk can 't hurt us . Let me tell you what I 've been thinking and then you show me where I 'm wrong . Okay ? " " Don 't talk about ' rights . ' This isn 't a courtroom . I 'm only thinking how we both can be happier - and I 'm pretty happy as we are . Now let me go over what you told me . Remember , when all this happened you were upset and shocked , which was natural . Josef was your husband and … " " Rose , Rose , stop acting like a cross - examiner . It 's raining , we haven 't anything else to do . I 'm making words pass the time . Now , the first time you had any idea they were out to … to kill you , was when this Federal guy began fingering his gun while talking to you in the flat . That 's an old cop 's trick to put the fear of God into you . Once when I was a kid the police were trying to stop us from swimming bare - butt . Two cops came over to the dock to warn us . One cop kept hitting his blackjack against the palm of his hand as he talked . An act . They wouldn 't have sapped a bunch of ten - year olds for swimming … . " " Of course not . Listen , when that cop played with his sap , believe me , every one of us was scared , really scared . You also said you were shadowed on the street , annoyed at the hotel . I certainly believe all that happened , but maybe it was more police tricks to keep you on edge . A guy hits you on the street , another cluck propositions you , and your shadows don 't act like cops seeing a citizen annoyed . Remember , that could be part of their job ; if they were tailing you they may have been under orders not to show themselves . I also imagine a gal with your looks has had street clowns leer and whistle at you plenty of times . You said two men who ' looked ' like detectives tried to run you down . Could be , and it could have been a couple of drunks . Finally , you think you saw this Sauerkraut guy in Miami . Maybe you did and maybe he 's one of the thousands of tourists that flock there . Or in that brief second you could have seen some other fellow with a deformed nose . Let 's consider a few other angles : the police didn 't want you , but the money . Now , they don 't even know you have the dough . And suppose they do , the most they can ask is you return it . You took some money your dead husband left in a suitcase - is that a crime ? " " Yeah . I 'll say it now : it 's always convenient to be loaded . All I 'm saying is , you 're in the clear - all the way down the line . Another thing , this was almost two years ago and if your overturned boat stunt worked , the police have you dead and forgotten by now . " " I know you believed it . You magnified things , blew them up in your mind until they became a living nightmare . Wake up , honey , we 're safe . At the time you were merely so hysterical that if you 'd been given a traffic ticket , or a wrong phone number you would have thought … . " " Mickey , I pray that you 'll never be that frightened , for then you 'll never be able to dismiss it with a ' merely ! ' " Rose stood up , walked away . " You know what you 're really saying : you don 't trust me . " " Babes , I 'm the guy who didn 't ask questions when I was convinced you were in deep trouble with the law . And remember , if you are in a jam , so am I - so I 'm not saying stick our necks out to make small talk . Rose , get the picture in focus . A moment ago you were hysterical , probably thought I was a louse , that we never hit it off . Hysteria can distort anything . I say we have nothing to fear , why jail ourselves on this island , or some other one ? If we had to , we could take it . But we don 't have to ! " I went over and tried to put my arms around her . " Do you think I 'd risk a single hair of yours ? Have I ever ? Stop acting like I 'm trying to turn you in . " " Of what ? I 'm not talking big . You know I never bull . I don 't say you 're wrong , merely that you 've sold yourself a bum bill of goods . I believe right this moment the police couldn 't care less about you . If we were trying for Paris , say , there might be some risk in getting a passport . But we have the Sea Princess , we can sail … Honey , I 'm certain I 'm right , the way things will work out . Besides , we have to go to the States ! " " The boat and the oil cooler . Look , sooner or later I 'll have to get a new cooler . A mechanic in Georgetown said it would be impossible to get the part in the islands , so we have to sail her to the States . No getting around the fact we need a boat . " " Hon , listen to me ; we sail the Sea Princess into Tampa , or New Orleans . We take care of the motor , and who will know we 're there ? Cut your hair short , dye it . You won 't be Rose Brown but Mrs . Mickey Whalen . We have to try it . " " Rose , you 're my luck , the only good thing in my life . I wouldn 't suggest this - even if it meant losing the boat due to overheating and a fire - unless I was positive it 's a sure thing . Why go batty here ? We sail to the mainland and spend a few days in any big port city we wish . We 'll take a month or two , then return here . Believe me , we 'll appreciate the island then , be a change of pace . Honey , I wouldn 't ask you to go to Havana or Kingston , we 'd stick out there - a couple of tall Americans . But in Charleston or Savannah , who pays any mind to a couple off a small boat ? We won 't live big or flashy . " " Any time you even feel there 's the smallest sign of trouble , we run up sail and take off . Honey , it 's a tonic we both need - aside from the engine cooler . When we first came to the islands a rainy season didn 't get us down . But we 're stale now : a few damp days and look at us . Think it over for a couple of days . You still say no - I 'm with you . I 'll go for the oil cooler alone . " " Plenty of times you were scared stiff of the sea , but we always came through okay . Honey , think it over - and remember I 'd go nuts if anything happened to you . " I knew I meant that and for a moment I was full of chilling doubts . Was I risking losing Rose ? We did have it made , why chance anything ? Hell , testing to see if she was telling the truth wasn 't that important … Rose went to the refrigerator , which was barely working due to the lack of current - pulled out a crock of cheese we 'd opened for lunch . Placing the cheese on the table , she opened the cracker jar . She ate in the dim light and suddenly spit out a shower of crumbs . Cursing savagely , Rose lit a match and pointed at the cheese - it was already moldy . I told her , " Easy , hon , we can always open a fresh tin . " Rose wiped her lips with the back of her hand , somehow a terribly weary motion . Then she shook her head . " No , no . You 're right , Mickey . Another few days of this lousy rain and I might flip . No sense kidding ourselves about the engine - we can 't get a new oil cooler out of thin air . We 'll leave here . We 'll leave … but … oh it scares me ! " This entry was posted in Books and tagged blog , blogging , Blonde Bait , Blonde Bait Chapter 5 , Books , Culture , Ed Lacy , education , Entertainment , life , Miscellaneous , personal , writers . Bookmark the permalink . ← Final Jeopardy for 5 / 26 / 11