My name is Eve . I 'm married to a man named John Constantine . We met and married when I was twenty - three and he was twenty - six . He has a brother , Robert , a little older than he and they both lived with their father Salvatore and their mother , Charity . Bobby was married and his wife Celina lived there with him . They were a wonderful , close - knit family . I have no family . My mother and father both died of cancer when I was still in my early teens and I was raised by an Aunt Flossy that took me in only because she felt it was her duty and she wanted the money from my trust fund . There were no grandparents on either side so she was my only living relative . She raised me as a strict Catholic and made me go to church every week . I know she hated me so I did as she asked and worked very hard to stay out of her sight . In that way , we tolerated each other until I was eighteen . On that wonderful day , I packed up my few things and left . She didn 't even bother to say goodbye . I knew that when I turned eighteen , my trust fund would be under my control . It had been paying my aunt a nice sum each month since my mother died . She followed my father within a year of his death and before she died , she had all of their assets converted to a cash endowment that she set up for me . When I met the banker who was in charge of it , he told me that it would give me a nice allowance if I continued to allow him to manage it . I told him that was fine and he could continue in charge if he promised me that Aunt Flossy would no longer get anything . He assured me that was the case . But , he informed me that I could go to college and the fund would pay the tuition and living expenses if I chose , or I could just take the money . I decided to let it stay and only took enough to go to a local trade school where I trained to be a dental hygienist . I wanted fast and local and I wanted to be able to make my own way . I took a job with a dentist close to my apartment and began my career . True to his word , the fund paid the tuition and still gave me a small allowance each month . Salvatore and his sons worked in construction , Sal as a supervisor and his boys as laborers . John was a bricklayer and Robert was a finisher . They worked well together . They had always worked as a team . They wouldn 't take separate jobs and they went where Sal went . He in turn kept them working and made sure they always had jobs . It was a tight family . That 's how I met John . I was going to school downtown next door to one of the projects they were working on . I came out of the building at lunch and breaks to get some air and get away from the other students who were all older than me . That 's where this cute well - built guy saw me and began to talk to me . He told me his name was John and we began to look forward to seeing each other on my school days . We hit it off very well and one day he asked me out on a date . I refused the first time he asked but accepted the next . We enjoyed each other and we became a couple . We dated for eight months before John asked me to marry him and I said yes . We were married in a big ceremony with all of his friends and family and I became Eve Constantine , wife of John Constantine . Rather than live with his parents , John moved into my apartment where we lived for the next several years until we were able to purchase a small house . We had a good life , me working four days a week and him bringing in good money . We talked about kids but decided to wait . We were happy and we enjoyed each other and his family . I especially like Celina , Bobby 's wife . Bobby and Celina were at our place almost as often as we went to John 's parents . Celina once told me she just enjoyed getting away form Sal and Charity once in a while . She loved them but wanted some privacy . Robert , John and their father Salvatore Constantine had started a small construction business soon after John and I were married . It had been a dream for all of them and now that both sons were married , Salvatore decided the time had come for them to join him and build a business that would provide for their children . Celina and I agreed and we both took jobs to help out during that time . Celina worked in a law office with fourteen lawyers as a receptionist and I still worked as a dental hygienist . We made enough to help our men through the startup and were happy to do it . Things were rough for the first two years but as the quality of their work became known , jobs became more steady and the profits began to build . They were able to hire some additional laborers and the company continued to grow . After two more years we were finally able to make some life decisions . John and I had been married now for just over five years . Bobby and Celina became pregnant and she quit her job when she was five months gone . As the business did well , I dropped down in my hours until I was only working one or two days a week . I tried to keep my hand in while John and I worked on making a baby ourselves but without success . We were having fun trying though so we were content . Things continued unchanged for another year or so before disaster struck . We had been married now for a little more than seven years and we were no further along in trying to start our family . Bobby and Celina 's little girl was sixteen months old and a bundle of energy . Celina was a great mother and she and the baby were at our place all the time . I loved that little girl and Celina and I were as close as sisters . Things were great . It was sometime during September of that year when Celina told me she was pregnant again and she wanted to tell her folks in person so she was going to take the baby and visit her mother in upstate New York . It was a four hour drive and she wanted me to go with them but I had already agreed to work another girl 's shift since she was to be in her sister 's wedding . It was too late to back out and I stayed behind . Celina couldn 't wait to tell her mom so it was that they left early that morning without me . I would wonder about that over and over in the next few years and I often wished that I had been with them . But , I didn 't think any more about it then . I only worked a four hour shift that day so I was home by early afternoon . I still remember John coming home from work early that day . I asked him what he was doing home so early and he just looked at me . His face showed so much pain that I immediately went to him to see where he was hurt , but he just reached for me and pulled me tightly to his chest . He held me that way without saying anything until I started to become afraid . I pushed back and asked him what was wrong . I remember his exact words . " They 're both gone , Evie . Celina and baby Jess , gone . So quick , so very quick . Bobby is devastated . He 's almost going crazy but mom and dad are with him . But they 're both gone Evie . They 're dead and gone . " " What are you talking about ? Celina and baby Jess were going to her mother 's place . They 're not gone , they 're just off visiting . Calm down baby . " " John ! Talk to me . What 's wrong with you ? John ? " I felt like I should slap him but I was afraid to with him this far out of control . " They were killed in a car crash on the interstate . They 're both dead Evie . They 're dead ! Gone ! Don 't you understand ? They both died in a car crash and now they 're gone . " Suddenly it hit me . He was telling me they were both dead . Celina and Jess , both dead . Oh , my God . Did Bobby know ? Yes , John said he was with his mom and dad . I knew how he felt . I watched my mother die of cancer and I understood death . But this was different : a vital , beautiful wife and a precious new daughter both gone in a flash ! This kind of death was more cruel . It gave you no time to make peace or to say goodbye . Over the next few weeks , following the double funeral , Bobby tried to return to the job but John said that he was not really with it and Sal had to send him home several times because he kept making dumb mistakes and once he almost caused another worker a serious injury . John watched without being able to do much more than be there . He was suffering because his brother was suffering . But , like all things , life had to go forward . We had been trying to get pregnant but without success . John and I talked about it and decided that to have a baby now would be in the best interests of everyone , including Bobby . It would give him something to focus on and it would do wonders for Sal and Charity as well . We continued to try . Bobby was slowly coming back and he would spend a lot of time with us , especially on weekends when the job didn 't occupy his mind . He had taken to drinking a little too much but so far it was not out of control . He never got angry or aggressive so we just let him have his time alone . He would go out onto the porch and spend most of the afternoon there while John and I did things around the house . Bobby got to be almost like a fixture around the house . Sal had made a bid on a job in Fort Wayne , about four hours or so away and he wanted Bobby and John to go over to the job site and talk to the builder . The bid had been tentatively accepted but there were some details that needed to be worked out . John agreed but Bobby pleaded another engagement or something and said he couldn 't go . They argued about it but finally John agreed to go by himself . It was only a few hours out of the day and he would be home by late evening . Bobby went off to be by himself and the subject was forgotten . In bed that evening , John and I talked about Bobby . John was worried that he was beginning to slip back into a depression and wanted me to promise to watch him very closely for a while . I agreed , of course and we made love , trying again for the baby we both wanted so much . John had always been a patient lover and I was always satisfied with our love life . A baby would be welcome but John and I were still in love , more so than when we were married . Everything we had been through had only intensified our devotion to each other . John left for the site early Tuesday of the following week . He took the truck and his surveying equipment and promised to be home by that evening . He reminded me to keep an eye on Bobby when he left and I promised . I wasn 't working that day so I was home by myself when Bobby showed up . It was just 11 : 00 in the morning and I wondered why he was there so early . " Bobby , what are you doing here so early ? Why aren 't you working ? You said you had something to do so you couldn 't go with John . " Bobby just shrugged his shoulders and looked at the floor . He was being funny and I was beginning to worry . He didn 't seem to be his usual self . Bobby came in , stood in the kitchen for a few minutes and then walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer and headed for the porch . That was normal . A beer and solitude . I forgot about him as I went about my normal chores for the day . Bobby could take care of himself for a while . It was just after lunch when I went out to find Bobby . He wasn 't there but I knew he hadn 't left so I went in search of him and found him in the den , sound asleep on the couch . I watched him for a minute but finally decided to let him sleep . He couldn 't get into trouble if he was sleeping . It was just a few minutes past 5 : 00 when John called to tell me the truck had stopped running . He hadn 't left yet and the truck was in a repair shop now . He didn 't know what was up but promised to call as soon as he found out anything . I wanted him to leave the truck and rent a car to come home but he wanted to wait and see if the truck could be fixed . All of his equipment was in the truck and he didn 't want to leave it if he didn 't have too . I hung up and waited . " Hey , honey . We got the parts for the truck and it 'll be fixed first thing in the morning so I 'm going to grab a room and stay . They promised to be on the job by 7 : 00 tomorrow morning so I should be able to get back by noon . OK babe ? " He promised , laughed and then asked about Bobby . When I told him that he had been there all day and that he was sleeping over tonight , he seemed to be more pleased than anything . I thought he would be upset that he stayed here with nothing to do rather than go with him but John didn 't see it that way . He thought Bobby was safer there with me than if he had gone along . The way he explained it was that the delay would probably have started a fight between them , so this was preferable to John . I didn 't see it that way , but he was his brother . We talked for a few more minutes and then parted . Since it was already late , I decided to go to bed and stuck my head in the family room to tell Bobby . I saw that he was already asleep on the couch so I just covered him with a throw that we kept on the back of the couch . He was sound asleep and didn 't stir so I turned off the TV and went upstairs to bed . John would be home early so I wanted to get to sleep so I could be up and ready when he got home . I dreamed that night about the loneliness that Bobby had to be feeling and it was enough to wake me . I glanced at the clock which showed 3 : 15 . I had been asleep for almost four hours and now I was not that sleepy . I decided to go down for a late night or early morning snack . If I had some warm milk , it might put me back in the mood to sleep for a couple more hours . I went down the steps being careful not to wake Bobby . I went into the kitchen and , leaving the light off , got the milk into a pan and on the stove before I heard a noise coming from the family room . I listened and heard it again . I thought it sounded like crying , or rather sobbing . I held my breath and listened and sure enough that 's what it was . I quietly moved to the doorway into the room and listened again . It was Bobby ! I could see him now , sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and his shoulders moving up and down , sobbing in deep heart wrenching gasps . I went back to the kitchen , turned off the stove and went to comfort Bobby . " It 's OK baby . Just let it go . That 's it , just let it out . It 's OK to cry . That 's it . " I spoke to him over and over till I felt him begin to relax in my arms . I felt the warm tears on my shoulder and I felt only pity in my heart . I only wanted to comfort him and make the pain go away . I just held him as he calmed down . I wasn 't even thinking of what I was wearing until I felt him move his head from my shoulder over to my breasts . I suddenly felt his warm breath on my skin through the thin , almost transparent nightgown I was wearing . It was John 's favorite and I was thinking of him when I put it on last night . I always slept nude except for a light nightgown and I suddenly remembered it when I felt his breath . I started to let him go when he put his arms around me . He pulled me around until I was almost facing him and I felt his hand begin to move down between my legs as his mouth took my nipple through the wispy film of cloth covering it . I was suddenly confused and afraid . I didn 't know what to do ! This wasn 't right ! I was about to say this to Bobby when he put his hand behind my head and pulled my lips to his . He pressed his lips to mine with a hard , almost savage kiss while I was still in shock . He forced his tongue between my pliant lips and his hand traveled beneath the gown and found the valley between my legs . He forced his finger up inside me and I gasped at the invasion . This was getting out of hand very quickly but in the back of my mind , I knew that Bobby was reacting out of his grief and his pain . I wanted to stop him but I didn 't want to make him feel worse by becoming angry . I had to get control somehow without making him feel even worse . I started to pull away and tell him to stop when he moved his mouth back to my nipples and began to suckle like a baby . The resulting feeling was one of compassion and I was overwhelmed with love for him . Rather than move away as I had planned , I simply held his head as he suckled . With one hand , he untied the belt of my nightie and pulled it off my shoulders to give him better access and I allowed it . I began to relax and let the pleasure of his mouth overtake me . Bobby sucked on first one and then the other nipple while I let my head fall back against the couch . He had two fingers inside me now and he was slowly moving them in and out . The feelings of love and compassion were still driving me and I allowed Bobby to use my body to give him relief . I felt him move up over me and when he pushed me down to my back on the couch , I offered no resistance . He pulled off my nightie completely and I watched as he slid his pants down to his feet . I actually reached out to help him pull his cock out of his boxers but he simply pulled them down as well . He bent over me and I could feel him rub his hard cock against my lower lips . I surrendered to what I knew was going to happen and felt his cock slip inside me . I lifted my hips up to take him fully inside and I pushed against him until he drove me down into the cushions of the couch . He took me savagely and powerfully , letting his grief and pain out in this coupling . I wrapped my legs around his hips and urged him on . Let me take his pain ! I gripped him tight as he began to pump frantically into me and then after only a short time , he tensed . I could feel his cock pulse inside me and then I felt his seed spray my insides . Bobby collapsed onto me and I took his full weight . It was not uncomfortable and I still had my arms and legs around him . I was filled with compassion for this poor man who had lost so much so quickly . He needed me and I gave to him to ease his pain and his suffering . I knew what we had done could never be revealed to John or to his parents . While I gave in sympathy and compassion , John would never understand that . Bobby meant nothing to me other than as family . I gave to him as I would to John if John needed me . There was love , but not the love that led to lust . This was love of family . Bobby finally rose up and moved off of me . He saw my nakedness and he quickly turned his head to find his own clothing . When he let me up , I got my nightgown and put it on , for all the modesty it provided . Bobby pulled on his pants and sat back down on the couch . " You must hate me for this . I don 't know what came over me . I just needed someone and you were so understanding and your voice was soft and I just lost control . Can you forgive me ? Please ? " " You were in pain and I gave you what I could to help . You mustn 't be sorry . I allowed you to have my body to ease your pain and suffering . That 's all it was . " He followed me to my room . I slipped off my nightgown , slid in under the covers and watched as he undressed and slid in on the other side . I held out my arms and he moved against me , both of us laying on our sides . He was already hard so I helped guide him inside me again . This time it was more controlled and he took much more care not to hurt me or cause me discomfort . After several minutes of this , I moved over him and this time I mounted him . I let my body tell me what to do and I began to rise up , almost releasing him and then dropping back down , forcing his cock in as far as it would go . I maintained this motion for several minutes , watching his face relax . I bent over to allow my ample breasts to come within reach of his mouth and felt a surge of pleasure when he took my nipple between his teeth . I moved faster at that and I could feel a climax approaching . It would be my first as I had not cum before . Bobby realized what I was feeling and he began to move up to meet my downward trusts . We were now fucking ! Before , it was love and compassion ; this was not . This was lust and I suddenly realized that it was wrong for me to feel this way . I began to slow down but Bobby had my hips in both hands and was pulling me tightly to him as his hips drove upwards into me . I felt the panic begin to build and was about to say something and stop but it was too late . My climax was on me and I came ! Bobby felt the contraction and he came inside me as well . I collapsed on top of him and tried to control my breathing and my heart . I felt the calm come slowly and finally moved off and rolled onto my back . I was spent but my mind was in turmoil . I realized what I had done just as I climaxed . I had not done this out of compassion ! I had fucked my brother in law in lust ! I felt the shame wash over me and I wanted to cry , but I couldn 't let Bobby see that . I got up and went into the bathroom to wash my crime away . I cried as I looked at myself in the mirror . I had betrayed my husband twice , first in pity but then in lust . The sickness overcame me and I went to my knees over the toilet . My stomach contracted and I was violently ill . I remained there for what seemed hours but finally rose and washed my face . I avoided my reflection in the mirror . When I came out of the bathroom , Bobby had left the room . I went out into the hall looking for him but heard the front door slam shut . He was gone . In a way , I was glad since I wasn 't looking forward to talking to him tonight . Maybe after it had become less painful . I went back to bed but didn 't sleep at all the rest of that night . The next few days were difficult for me . John wasn 't aware of anything wrong since I made no mention of what had happened , and Bobby hadn 't been around since he left that night . John and I made love when he came home the next day and I admit , I was more forceful than usual , trying to erase what had happened with Bobby from my mind . I could enjoy lust with my husband and I did . Several times . John loved it and wondered but I simply told him I was having so much fun trying to have a baby . My love for John finally gave me the peace to forget Bobby . Bobby came by the end of that week and he and I just smiled at each other , behaving as we usually did toward the other and it seemed fine . In a quiet moment , I told Bobby that we needed to forget anything happened and he assured me that it was exactly the way he felt . We parted in agreement and things went back to normal . Bobby did seem to be in better spirits and he began to take an interest in work again . John and Sal both commented on it and both felt he was finally over the hump . I hoped that I had been able to make that much of a difference but if I did , it would be my secret . John and I continued to work on making our family but nothing seemed to happen . I was late on my period but that was not unusual . I had been as much as three months late before without being pregnant , so I thought nothing about it yet . John was getting more and more depressed and decided to go see the doctor . I just laughed and told him to just wait it out since we were still having fun trying . It had not yet become a chore . He finally agreed and things went on . It was two months later that I finally knew for sure that I was pregnant . John and I had been trying now for over a year and it finally happened . I looked at the plastic stick in my hand again just to be sure but it had two pink lines . Pregnant ! I almost wept for joy for it had been so long in coming . I put the stick in a small plastic bag and stuck it in the trash . I didn 't want John to see it until I could put together a little surprise for when I told him . I was Pregnant ! ! ! I was almost too happy to contain myself . But , I wanted it to be perfect when I told John . I spent the afternoon shopping for a new nightgown and some items for dinner that I knew would make John very happy . I put together a magnificent meal of lobster with drawn butter , steak medium rare , baked potato with sour cream and chives , a vegetable dish of cauliflower , peas and carrots and a chocolate cake with ice cream for dessert . I wanted it to be perfect so I made each dish carefully , using the recipes that Charity had given me . I called John to confirm that he would be home by 6 : 30 and planned my dinner for then . Everything was ready . I went upstairs just before John was due to arrive and put on my new nightgown . It was so shear that it was as if I was wearing nothing . I slipped on the matching robe of silk that only served to make everything underneath look more mysterious . Neither the nightgown nor the robe was designed to hide , only to entice . That was what I was going for . John would be tempted early but I would make him eat first , then I would give him the news and finally he would take me to bed where I would show him my love and devotion to him and our new family . The evening went as I planned . John was home on time , he came in and was caught by surprise by the way I was dressed , but I wouldn 't tell him anything . I had set the places before and the table looked beautiful . I served the dishes and watched in pleasure as John 's face lit up . We actually spent a pleasant hour at dinner and I even enjoyed the meal . For a few minutes , I forgot my news and enjoyed the conversation and the food with my husband . It was perfect . More than perfect , it was extraordinary . I waited until we had finished and told John to go into the family room and I would bring coffee in . I put coffee on as I put away the remaining lobster and meat . I would let everything else go till morning . I fixed the coffee , put everything on a tray and carried it into the family room . I set it on the coffee table and sat beside John on the couch while I fixed our coffees . Once he was settled back , I sighed and relaxed . Now was the time . " It 's nothing bad , John . It is the best news in the world . You know how hard we have been trying to have a baby ? Well , guess what ! You 're going to be a father ! " I watched him , waiting for the light to come into his eyes and turn the face I loved into a picture of joy and love . But instead , I saw a frown begin and then a look of anger come over him turning the face I loved into a mask of contempt . I was lost . What had happened ? He wanted children as much as I did so why was he angry ? I moved back away from him at the hate I saw in his face and began to cry . What was wrong ? " John , what 's the matter ? Why are you looking at me that way ? This is our baby ! This is what we have been striving for . This is what we wanted . Please , talk to me . What 's wrong ? " " I had some news myself for tonight . But it wasn 't as bad as the news you just gave me . I saw Doctor Jeffers today and he gave me the results of some tests I had run last week . Guess what , my loving wife : I 'm sterile ! That 's right , sterile , as in not able to have children . It happened when I was a kid . " The shock from his words was as if someone had slapped me . I felt the blood leave my face and my breathing become shallow and rapid and I felt dizzy . I tried to stand but my legs wouldn 't hold me . I was having trouble focusing on anything and I wanted only to run away , as far and as fast as I could . I was so confused and so frightened . I couldn 't accept what I had just heard . I stood up , only to stumble and fall to the floor . I stuck my hand out to catch myself and the pain in my wrist jolted me back to reality . " What did you say ? What do you mean , sterile . I 'm pregnant ! How could I be pregnant if you 're sterile ? That 's impossi . . . " And then it hit me ! The baby wasn 't John 's , it was Bobby 's ! Oh , God ! What had I done ? What did I do to my husband and my world ? I turned away from John and I ran to the bedroom . I shut the door and I locked it from the inside . I couldn 't face him now . What had I done ? God forgive me , what had I done ? I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening and through the night . I didn 't know what John had done or even if he was still home . Home ! It was not likely that this would by my home for much longer . John was a wonderful man and very understanding but he would never tolerate infidelity . We had talked about that many times as we saw friends of ours break up and separate due to cheating . His family was very important to him and he would never do anything to jeopardize it . But I had . And irony of ironies , it was family that I was trying to help that caused me to fall . My love for Bobby as a sister and my compassion for his pain was my sin .