The house across the street was dark . It looked as if it had burned down and been re - built from ash and tar and human bones . Bits of wood crumbled off the roof like Play - Doh , and windows were cracked . The grass was too tall , so that you had to look very closely to see the small garden of flowers right up against the house . I was six years old and I thought all the spiders in the world must hide there in winter . I thought there must be demons inside , plotting with maps and charts to trick people into coming in . For those first few days after my mother and I had moved in with my grandma in Coeur d ' Alene , Idaho , from across town , I watched the house , waiting to see a candle flicker or a hand drag across a window , but there was nothing . On a summer evening not long after we moved to Grandma 's , the sun hummed over the Earth 's surface , so that there was a pressure , little hands pushing everything down , little bees filling space with white noise . The whole world felt tired and the sun scorched the ends of my hair , turning it to straw . I sat in the gravel of the front yard petting Oscar the cat , watching the house . A car pulled up after days of no sign of life ; a man and a woman stepped out of it . The man went inside right away while the woman stayed , fiddling with things in the back seat . She was wearing a long dress like a river . Her hair was braided and longer than any hair I 'd ever seen . When she spotted me from across the street , she smiled the way I might smile if I 'd finally made it to Disneyland . A cavity in my chest filled rapidly with warm liquid . She picked up a paper grocery bag with something shiny sticking out of it , and came to me . " What a pretty girl you are , " she said , digging in her paper bag and pulling out the shiny thing , which turned out to be a necklace with a huge cross on the end . " I 've just come from a church conference , you see . The pastor gave everyone one of these to hang around their necks . It 's nice to have God 's love so close to your heart . " She touched her own cross , which hung exactly at her heart and caught the sun , so that the orange of it stung right into my eyes . " I have one left over , but no daughter of my own to give it to . You look like you might like it . " She hung the extra necklace over me . " My name 's Peregrine , and that man is my husband , Daniel . " She pointed behind her at the house . " You can call me Peregrine . Do you have a name ? " I kept looking at her heart . The necklace was heavy and I was small , and the cross hung closer to my belly button than my heart . " Saige , " I said , so quietly she must have barely been able to hear me over the sound of a bouncing basketball up the street . Peregrine went back to her house and I sat in the yard , thinking about this cross around my neck , about whether I should tear it off and bury it in the gravel , whether it was evil and Peregrine was evil and something in that house wanted me doomed . But I also thought maybe Peregrine had fallen into this house accidentally , that she didn 't know it was evil , and that she was even sent here by God to save it . The way she spoke to me , her voice soft like petals , and the way she gave me this necklace , made me want to believe in her . The sun hung lower and I went inside . I found my mother where I often found her that summer : in her rocking chair near the window , just looking out . She was wrapped in an afghan she had made back when she did things like that , back when she did anything at all . My mother was twenty - three . My best friend in first grade , Abigail Johnson , had a sister who was twenty - two . My mother was thin all over and had dusty hair she kept tied up with a ribbon . She wore dresses in different shades of brown , like paper bags holding the sticks of her body together . My father had left her a few months before I met Peregrine for the first time . He simply told my mother there was someone else and drove off . She hadn 't told me yet , but kept saying he was away on business . My father was a trucker . I knew he wasn 't coming back , because his trips never lasted as long as two months , and besides , I 'd overheard my mother telling my grandma about it . Still , I imagined him driving along the coast , watching seagulls fly and waves crash out the window all the way to California . I 'd never been to the ocean . I didn 't know how to tell my mother I thought she was a liar . Shortly after my father left , my grandmother showed up at our apartment with a U - Haul and a bundle of trash bags . She said it was time for an intervention , and when I asked what that meant , she said my mother just needed a little help right now , sweetheart , that 's all . My mother sat in her rocking chair without a word while Grandma carefully inspected each item in the apartment , scrunched her nose , and scrubbed the item furiously with her handkerchief before cramming it into the truck . When my parents were together , my father worked and my mother stayed at home taking care of me . A lot of mothers in Coeur d ' Alene did this , especially married mothers who dropped out of high school to give birth to babies they 'd gotten in backseats of rusty Toyotas , with one of the doors duct taped to the body . When my father was actually away on business , things were different . My mother taught me to bake all kinds of cookies , to draw bubble letters , to play " Happy Birthday " on the piano . She gave me a special bible for kids and read to me while I sat on her lap , examining the patterns in her afghans and knitted scarves . " Mom , I met a new lady , " I said to my rocking mother . " She lives in the scary house . Is she bad ? She gave me a necklace . " I held it up for her to inspect . I knew she 'd seen the whole thing out the window . " How should I know ? " she asked . She went to the kitchen and pulled a can of tomato soup out of the cupboard . " Saige , " she said , " come help me stir the soup for dinner . " Even though she didn 't do much else that summer , my mother still tucked me into bed and sang to me each night . She had a beautiful singing voice , better than anyone 's at church . More like an angel than a human . She 'd been in her high school choir before she got me in her belly . Once I asked her why she didn 't join the church choir now , but she just said she didn 't want to talk about it . After she finished her song to me each night , she 'd remind me to say my prayers to Jesus and leave my door open a crack in case I needed her . Oscar perched on the window like a little bird - cat and looked out . My mother sat in bed , her eyes streaked with the Vaseline she used to take off her makeup . She was sifting through old photographs . I imagined what they might be : Dad hiking on the Olympic Peninsula , Dad drinking a beer outside a tent at Priest Lake , Dad holding me as a baby , so small my cross necklace would have reached my toes . The next morning while my grandmother was out grocery shopping , the doorbell rang . My mother was in the habit of not answering the door , letting the sound of the bell pass over her body like the gong in meditation ( I saw this on TV , but my mom said Buddhists were heathens - those are people who don 't believe in God - and she 'd tell them that to their face , too ) . It would end , and whoever it was would leave her with me and the cat and the blank space that used to hold my father . But this time the person at the door did not leave ; they kept ringing the bell a zillion times . Finally my mother moved to the door . I crept up on the first stair , so the wall would hide me from whoever it was . I peeked out slightly . There she was on the porch . She stood very straight and tall , as if little strings from the sky were tugging her up . The cross hung from her neck , and she held a plate of green Jell - O with pears . " My name is Peregrine . I live across the street with my husband , Daniel . Your mother told me you were coming to stay here , and I wanted to personally welcome you to the neighborhood . I made you some Jell - O ; I hope you like it . " She handed the plate to my mother . " Thank you , " said my mother , taking the plate much too slowly , her body forming a wall between Peregrine and the inside of the house . I wondered why she couldn 't be more polite and invite her in for cookies . Was it because she was jealous Peregrine still had her husband ? " My name 's Sophia . " " Pleasure to meet you . I already met your daughter , Saige , last night . I gave her a necklace like mine ; I hope you don 't mind . She 's such a sweet girl . Doesn 't talk much , though . Is she very shy ? " " Oh , good . I am so happy for you . " Peregrine 's face filled with a bit more color . " You see , I run a bible study for the children in the neighborhood . I 've been doing it since Daniel and I got married and moved here three years ago . The children come over once a week , and we sing songs and recite verses and I teach bible stories . It 's so good for the children to get to know each other and to share God 's love . I would be thrilled to invite Saige to join , if it 's okay with you . " My mother crossed her arms , gripping her sweater closer around her . " That 's very kind of you , but I don 't know . . . we go to a Baptist church , and I like that , but there are so many different denominations . I 'm not sure if I want her learning about God when I can 't see what she 's learning . " The color in Peregrine 's face faded slightly . " Oh , okay . . . Of course , I understand , " she said . " Things are very complicated . Well , if you change your mind , you know where to find me . The invitation is always there . Your mom told me about your situation , you know . I 'm sure it 's all very hard on Saige . It might help her to have some activities . " Her eyes moved in my direction and I pulled my face back at once , hiding it completely behind the wall . She knew I was here . I wondered if it was because she snuck around too , spying on people and hiding in corners . " Nice to have met you , " my mother managed to say . Peregrine , I 'm sure , smiled before turning away down the steps . The door shut and I scurried up the stairs and into my bedroom . I thought all day about the bible study . I set up my stuffed animals on the bed , draping the cross necklace around my biggest bear , and taught them about God . I tried to explain everything . " A long time ago , " I said , " God made everything , bears and people and flowers , and it was all beautiful . He lives in Heaven in the sky , I think floating around on clouds all the time . He made Heaven too . Everything was perfect , but there was an angel Lucifer who wanted to be bad , so he left Heaven and created Hell . Even though Lucifer lives in Hell , which is underground , he is always coming to Earth and filling it up with evil and temptation . " " But don 't worry ! " I said . " You can escape Lucifer and his evil friends , but the only way is to trust Jesus Christ , that 's God 's son , as your savior , because He is full of love and wants the best for us . " The bear wanted to know how three things could be one thing . A rabbit wanted to know if you dug a deep enough hole , would you get to Hell . I decided there was much more work for me to do before I could go on teaching . My mom never wanted to answer my questions , but I was sure Peregrine would . Peregrine spoke a sweet way to my mother . She loved us both , I was almost sure of it . Why had my mother said no to her ? Was it because she figured anyone who lived in that house must be evil ? The next morning , Oscar was staring out my window at something . He always discovered the most interesting things . I looked out with a pair of binoculars my father had left behind . I adopted them as my favorite toy ; with them I saw far away from the place I lived . On the sidewalk outside Peregrine 's house , there was a white bucket with flowers sticking out of it . I ran down the stairs immediately and , still in my pajamas , out the door and across the street . There were twelve flowers sticking in the bucket , all different kinds : a tulip , a daffodil , a rose . There was a sign on the bucket that said Flowers : 25 cents . Please be honest . God is watching . I looked around . No sign of anyone who could have put it here . I was touching the petals of the red tulip when I heard her . " Good morning , Saige , " Peregrine said . She startled me . Where did she come from ? " What a pretty nightgown . What have you found there ? " " I see they cost a quarter . Let me buy it for you , " she said . Peregrine dropped the light silver coin into the bucket . It rattled in the bottom for a moment , and she handed me the tulip . In the living room I stacked up colored blocks , building the tallest tower I could , trying to make it bigger than the piano my grandma bought at a garage sale when my mother was in high school . I hadn 't heard her play since my father left . Like everything that was my mother 's , it sat there , collecting dust . My mother sighed . " Because , Saige , we go to a Baptist church . I don 't know that lady . I don 't know what kind of church she goes to or what she believes . There are lots of churches : Mormon , Jehovah 's Witness , Liberal Christian . She could believe anything : that we shouldn 't celebrate Christmas , that Jesus was married and had babies , that Hell isn 't real , that Noah 's Ark never actually happened . You can 't go ; I 'm sorry . But you can keep going to Sunday school with me . " " What 's so good about Noah 's Ark being true ? " I asked . " Why did God want to flood the Earth , anyway ? All those people died . And the cats , too . " Sometimes I wished God would flood the Earth . I wanted rain , so much that I 'd float on top of it , a lake covering the whole Earth . I would have a raft , and I 'd take all my best things on it with me : my cat , my binoculars , my tulip , and my necklace . I 'd splash myself to quiet the sun 's loud rays . " Sophia , you have to get it together , " said my grandmother . " You have to do something . If not for yourself , then at least for Saige . She needs you . " " It 's not like I 'm doing this to hurt Saige , Mom , " said my mother . " It 's not like I 'm doing this on purpose . I 'm not the one who left ; he is . This isn 't my fault . " " I know you 're upset , Sophia . But you need to push past that . If you don 't , things will begin to unravel . Think of Saige . She 'll - " " She 'll turn out like me ? " Her voice was raised . " She 'll drop out of school and get pregnant ? That 's what she 'll do if I don 't get out of my chair ? " " Oh , Sophia , that 's not what I meant , " she said . " But I think it 's time for you to get a job . What would you like to do ? You used to love music - " " Look . There 's a music store down by the lake . You could get a job there selling instruments . Maybe it 's not ideal , but it 's something . Because the truth is , he 's not coming back . Saige is your responsibility . You are your responsibility . " The floorboard creaked ; my grandma was moving toward the door . I quietly scampered down the stairs and into the kitchen . I heard my grandma coming close behind me . " But it 's true , " I said , " and you just said lying is wrong . She doesn 't want to get a job to buy food for me . I need to eat or I 'll die ! She is just like a demon wanting to kill all the people . " " Saige ! " she said again . " That is extremely rude and is not true . Your mother is doing her best . I don 't want to hear you say anything like that again . Children obey and respect their parents and you will do the same . " I immediately got the Jell - O out of the fridge and stuck all my fingers into it at once . I didn 't even want to eat it ; I didn 't even like Jell - O . My mom said it was made out of cow 's feet . I scooped up pieces of it and shoved them in my mouth . It was slippery , like little fishes about to die , not sure if they should swim down my throat or out my lips . I wondered if they took fish on Noah 's Ark even though they could live underwater . I left the plate on the counter , most of the Jell - O still on it . I went outside to my gravel , careful to close the door quietly behind me . My mother was not like she used to be . She had opened up the top of her head and allowed the cloud that held her soul to float out . She was like the watercolor I painted and left out too long in the sun : she had dried up and gone white . I made my way into Peregrine 's overgrown yard and to her window . Peering in , I saw Peregrine standing beside an easel , attaching several felt shapes to it : a camel , a person , a boat . Four children I 'd seen around the neighborhood sat in front of her , singing . A man came out of the kitchen , holding a tray of cookies . He looked right at me , and I ducked . " Hey there ! " said the man , stepping out the door . " You must be Saige . Peregrine 's told me all about you . I 'm her husband , Daniel . " " Oh , that 's right , your mother doesn 't want you to come , " he said . " Okay , I understand . Well , have a nice evening ! " Daniel turned to leave , but Peregrine appeared in the doorway at just the right moment . " I 'll explain it to your mother later . It will be fine , " she said . Her eyes looked right into mine , like they were not just her eyes but mine as well , and everyone 's . I felt like liquid as I stood up , dusted off my shorts , and followed Peregrine into the house . " Peregrine , " I said , " did you put those flowers in the bucket ? " " Of course not ! " she said . " Don 't be silly . I was just as surprised to see them there as you were . But they sure were beautiful . " The house looked normal , which seemed strange . There were couches , some photographs of Peregrine and Daniel 's wedding , a few plants . A painting of a flower . A painting of a boat . " Now , Saige , we were just discussing Noah 's Ark , " said Peregrine . " Do you know that story ? " " Well , " I said , scrunching my forehead , " I 'm not sure . I don 't know why God would want to kill all the people . I thought God was perfect and never sinned , and that 's why we have to trust Him . My mom says He flooded the Earth because people are bad . " " Saige ! " she said , shaking her head . She was looking directly and only at me , as if the other children had vanished . " People aren 't bad . They sin , but that 's just because they 're imperfect . They 're human . But they don 't deserve to die . " I noticed a cross - stitched picture of Jesus hanging on the wall , and I liked how small and perfect the stitches were . " Some people believe stories like Noah 's Ark are parables - they aren 't true facts , but made - up stories intended to teach us lessons . Noah 's Ark teaches us that we should obey God , or there will be consequences . But God doesn 't want to kill everyone . " " I 'm so glad you could make it to bible study , Saige , " Peregrine said . " Ever since I met you , I knew you were special . I knew you were one of God 's favorite children . " Daniel came over with his plate of cookies . " Peregrine made a special cookie just for you , Saige ! " he said . He handed me a cookie shaped like a tulip . " Yes , of course , " Peregrine said . " There 's one on this floor - just there to the left . You don 't need to go upstairs . It 's an awful mess ! " I crept around the whole floor but could not find a bathroom . Maybe the door was shut and I assumed it was private . I really had to go , and I knew Peregrine said not to go upstairs , but I couldn 't help it . I tiptoed up and moved to the right . This was not a bathroom at all , but some kind of room I had never seen before . Someone had stuck thousands of silver pushpins into the walls . It seemed the person had been very careful about how they stuck each one in , as if the wall had skin and could feel pain . The pins made a picture of a tulip and a little girl 's face . There was nothing else in the room , except for a tin box of pins in the middle of the floor . I thought of the tulip Peregrine bought for me after planting the bucket there and waiting for me to come find it . I noticed the girl on the wall had big eyes , but that she looked only at the tulip , as if hiding from anyone who might see the picture . She was scared . Again , a cavity in my chest filled with hot liquid , and I realized this was my face , and that Peregrine had stuck all these pins in the wall . It must have taken hours and hours , and she barely even knew me , and my mother would never do something like this . Why would Peregrine make this ? Was Noah 's Ark a real story or a fake story ? Why didn 't my mom want to get a job so she could buy more cans of soup for us ? Where did my dad go , and why didn 't he want to buy me soup ? And if God was so nice , why would He let any of this happen ? I couldn 't stand anymore . I sat on the floor . I heard the door creak open and quickly stuffed the pin into my pocket . Peregrine was standing there , hands on her hips . " Saige , " she said , her voice a little less sweet than usual , " I told you not to come upstairs . " " I 'm sorry , " I said , " but I couldn 't find the bathroom downstairs . I really couldn 't find it . " I was about to ask if I could ask a question but was interrupted by a heavy sigh puffing out of Peregrine 's mouth . " I stuck them in , " she said . " I 've been working on it for the past few days . I bought thousands and thousands of pins . I studied a single tulip and a photograph I took of a little girl . I stuck the pins in one by one , slowly and deeply , thinking all the time about the girl and how happy she 'd be when she saw it . I think I did a pretty good job , don 't you ? " Of course I knew whose face it was . I knew whose picture she had studied . I knew because I was always sneaking around , hiding behind doors and listening to conversations , spying . Peregrine was just like me , only she was older , so she had thicker curtains and sneakier tricks . She 'd been watching all along . " Saige , it 's your face , " she said . " Don 't you love it ? I made it for you . It was supposed to be a surprise , for later , but you found it on your own . I guess God wanted you to see it tonight . " " Saige , " she said , moving still closer , " I see that you 're unhappy . And I want to make you happy . Your grandmother told me about the trouble your mother is going through , and how she won 't give you what you need . " She shook her head like a disappointed teacher . " Saige , you deserve to have someone who loves you . " Did she mean my mother didn 't love me ? My mother was sad but she still kissed my forehead every night , and she still prayed for me , and she let my grandma scoop us up in the U - Haul , maybe because she thought it would be better for me . Peregrine sat down next to me and took my hand . " You see , I can 't have children of my own . I have a condition . But if I could , I would love them so much I 'd make them a new push - pin picture every day . " I was sorry she couldn 't have children , and I wondered what kind of condition this was . I imagined a little demon in her belly , keeping all the babies away . " Peregrine , " I asked , " why does God let bad things happen ? " " You know , Saige , " Peregrine said , slowly , and already I knew she wouldn 't answer my question , " I think God brought us together for a reason . Sometimes children are born into bad homes , but it 's not their fault . There are others out there who can help , who can take them away from those bad homes and care for them . And Saige , I want to help you . " As I hurried down the stairs , the sound of her voice grew legs and chased me , banging against the walls and floor like a stream of tumbling boxes . It was trying to pull me backward to her , saying over and over , " God will make you sorry , God will make you sorry . " As I ran away , I planned what I would do . I 'd go home and help my grandmother wash the carrots and the bed sheets . I 'd wash the cat , my nightgown I 'd worn outside , my hair , and my feet . I 'd wash my mother 's hair ; I 'd scrub and scrub until she begged me to stop because I was hurting her scalp . I 'd wash my nightstand , which was dirty from the tulip I 'd laid there days before . I 'd wash my insides with gallons and gallons of water . Then I 'd leave . I 'd scoop up everything I needed in a pillowcase : my cat , my binoculars , a few loaves of bread , the necklace , the pin , some of my mother 's Polaroids . I 'd go toward the ocean , away from the screech of the sun , which , as it now dipped almost completely out of the sky , made the sound of a banshee 's scream , muffled by the pillow God pressed over her mouth . I 'd float into the ocean with the things in my pillowcase , holding the pin between two fingers , not wanting to keep it but not wanting to toss it away because of what it might do to a fish . Instead , I told my mom what happened . She stroked my hair , said everything would be okay , and sang me to sleep . She and I stayed at my grandma 's a few more weeks , until she finally got that job at the music store . Then my grandma said we could move back home . During those last few weeks at my grandma 's I mostly stayed inside I peered out my window at Peregrine 's house . One morning I saw her place a white bucket filled with flowers on the sidewalk . She took the bucket away that evening , but none of the flowers were gone . A few times , I saw her walk out her door and take a few steps toward the street , only to stop dead for minutes in the middle of her lawn , as if thinking about something very confusing . I wondered what things she saw me do out her window . The bible study sign appeared the few more Tuesdays we were there . Whenever we went back to my grandma 's house after that , I pulled my hood over my face for the walk from the car to the door . I didn 't let myself look in that direction . Still , I felt Peregrine 's eyes on me , again like a paper hat . I finally made it to the ocean . My grandma took us on a camping trip there a few months later . Standing on the shore , my mind drifted back to Peregrine . Water had a way of pushing my thoughts along like clouds in quiet wind . I stuck my hand in my pocket and found Peregrine 's pin in there , like a little demon scale or an angel 's earring , depending on how you looked at it . I couldn 't help but wonder what my life would have been like if I lived by the ocean instead of in the desert , if Oscar had been a dog instead of a cat , if my mom had left instead of my dad . I told my mom some of these things but I 'd never tell her that , although Peregrine was strange and scary , I had to wonder what my life would have been like if I 'd been Peregrine 's daughter instead of my mother 's . Probably it would have been part good and part bad , just like people were part good and part bad , and so was everything . I wondered if this included God . I looked out and saw where the water met the sky , like a blue sheet of paper folded and propped up against something else . I thought of Hell underground and Heaven in the sky , and I wondered if I floated out far enough I could reach that sky and touch it , and touch the cloud God floated on , and say Hello .