Posted on December 21 , 2014 by Ella North So I 've taken a while to give you an update on the poker player I 've had such a fantastic first date with . In a way I was hoping to write something conclusive . But ; off we go . When he texted me the day after our date , I took it as a sign of interest , and I was quite pleased . The next few days we went back and forth and I quite quickly asked him if he wanted to go out again before he 'd go home . I was under the impression he 'd leave pretty soon , so I felt like I had to act pretty quickly . He said yes , he 'd like to see mee again , but that he would have to let me know . He was in a tournament he didn 't know how long would last , and he 'd have to visit friends and family . All valid reasons . We kept in touch , his tournament ended after four days ( or ; he bombed ) , he went off to see his family , and things went quiet for a bit . I messaged him a few days later , to which he replied saying he had been thinking about me . I might have blushed . But then we somehow steered back to Tinder , and he told me he had two more dates lined up this week . Thank God I wasn 't ignorant enough to confirm with him that I was one , though I did think that for a few moments . It stung a little . After his first date that week , he messaged me that he liked me better . I asked him if he was going to have time left to see mee . And I got ' I think I have unconsciously been delaying going home because I want to see you again . ' I melted . We settled on a dinner date for Saturday . He came to pick me up from the train station again , gave me a kiss , and off we went . Before dinner , we went to have a drink first . It was easy , simple and just like last time . I was happy to be with him , and it was so comfortable I wondered if this was what it should always supposed to be like . He was hungry for steak and so we went to a tiny little restaurant . He took my hands across the table to warm them . I had been meaning to ask him things . Like why he was dating in a country he wasn 't in most of the time . Or if I should attach any meaning to the fact he had been delaying his flight for me . Because of some of the things he 'd said while texting I wanted to find out if there was some sort of interest there . But before we got there , the check came and the moment was gone . We did get to me telling him nine out of ten times I would go home at the end of the date . Not necessarily true , but I pointed out I had to like someone in order to do that . He said he liked that . And then we had to leave . A missed opportunity on my end , but at the same time I had to keep reminding myself this was only date two . In real life , you don 't have those conversations at that point . Out on the street , he grabbed my hand , pulled me in and kissed me . A tourist passed by and told us to get a room , making us laugh . We decided to go back to the same neighborhood we went to last time , even though it was a bit far away . So off we went , hand in hand like a regular couple on the lookout for cozy cafe 's . We found one , sat close together and talked . After two drinks , we left and repeated somewhere else . Every now and then we 'd stop and make out a little . Shortly after midnight he wrapped his arm around me , said he knew a great place , namely his house , and off we went . We shared a cup of tea to warm up , which of course quickly led to a making out and undressing session in front of the windows . He tried to carry me to the bedroom but gave up when he hit his head on the lamp . He dropped an ' is this all for me ? ' again , which makes me think he either says that to everyone , or he was genuinely happy . Anyway , the sex was good , he 's seriously packing , but I don 't think he realizes . We fell asleep afterwards , perfectly content . Previously , he 'd already told me we 'd have to get up early as the house owner would be coming home and he didn 't really like visitors . I 'd been hoping this person would change their mind , or poker player would forget , but unfortunately no . However , he 'd been keeping an eye on it to make sure there 'd be time for sex left . It was lazy , slow morning sex , in which his orgasm was perfectly timed with the alarm clock . We laid there for a while while his fingers were running up and down my back . I couldn 't help myself and told him it was a shame he 'd have to go back , to which he didn 't really respond . That took away any courage I had about asking him when he 'd be back . We had a quick breakfast together , after which I left at about nine thirty . The goodbye was like last time , with a kiss and a bye . That night , I texted him I 'd had a great time , enjoyed seeing him again and that it was a bummer he was leaving . ( After we 'd set our date , he 'd bought his ticket for the day after ) . He said ' Yeah it was ! But all good things come to an end . ' I stared at it for a while . Really ? I asked if I should be taking that literally . No , he didn 't mean it like that , but he did have to do some thinking when it came to women . He wasn 't sure what he wanted . Fair enough . Knowing he just came out of a relationship , would be moving out of their shared house once he got back and considering we 'd only had two dates , what was there for claim for me ? I wished him a safe journey , best of luck moving and all , and told him to keep on touch . And when he made his way back over here and had done some thinking , who knew ? It sounded like a good plan to him . I won 't lie and say I shed a tear . Dating for me never comes easy in the sense that either I don 't like them , or I do like them and they 're not into me , but that 's usually clear from the beginning and I 'm not in the dark . This time , I 'm very into him , and there is no denying there was mutual chemistry . There was . I know it , and not only because he told me , and not only because of that postponed flight . There was something there . And maybe the timing wasn 't right . Maybe he does need to do some soul searching . Maybe I 've confused him and he wasn 't expecting this . Maybe none of this all and I 've fallen for it , hard . There is something about this man that makes me feel completely at ease . I haven 't felt this way in a long time and it 's scary . Not in the least because ever since he got back , I didn 't hear from him . So last night , I sent him a message . Told him the city was a bit less exciting , and hoped he 'd get the sunny Christmas he wanted . He replied almost immediately . That yes , that had been a good time . Insert smiley heart emoticon . Then sent me a photo of his dad who was helping him move and gave me an update on how the move was going with pictures . If anything I might be back in his mind , and when the dust settles in his end we 'll see what happens . I 'll send him a reminder of my existence every now and then . Had he lived here , the situation would have been different and easier . We 'd continue dating and just see what 'd happen . Because he lives relatively far away , that 't not an option . It made me feel like I had to force something , because what sane man would hang on to two dates ? What is there to explore through whatsapp ? You can 't build anything this way . That makes me anxious . I thought I would take a bit of a break from the dating thing , which is what I usually do when someone managed to confuse me . I am not going to put all my money on poker player , reality is that the chance anything is going to happen there are slim . But the door isn 't shut . Not yet . Let 's call him the poker player . We matched on Tinder last Friday , which I was super happy about , because he 's hot . I sent him a short ' yay ! ' message , and we chatted for a bit that night . Then on Saturday afternoon , he asked if I wanted to come over and drink wine in a nice cafe . I wanted to . But I already had another date with a guy from OKC set up . He told me to cancel , because he was much more fun . I told him I 'd need a really good reason , because that 'd be awful for my karma . He said he 'd love to stare into my eyes over wine and have a wander through the dark city . And I thought ; ' what the hell . ' So I cancelled my date , and agreed to meet him . He came to meet me at the train station , and when I saw him , I got even more excited . I think he felt the same , he grabbed me , planted three kisses on me , and off we went . We went to a tiny little cafe , and never stopped talking until two in the morning . He 's a professional poker player , and does so well he doesn 't live in this country but on a sunny island somewhere ( not too far ) for tax purposes , though he 's here often . We connected on so many things , yoga , meditation , our views on life and relationship . He radiated such calm and was so down to earth I never wanted to leave . The only thing , and I knew this since I had looked him up , is that he 's barely out of a long relationship . He 's been together ( engaged even ) for nine years , and only split six weeks ago . I also saw the message on Facebook , in which he said there were no fights , it was a mutual decision that after so many years they had to face the fact they were not meant to be . They 'd always be friends and all that . Very mature . When he talked about it that evening , he was very mature and calm about it . Nine years is a long time , though that kind of decision isn 't usually made overnight . Before meeting , he had told me he was dating , and whatever happened , happened , but he might be rebounding for all I know . That 'd make the most sense . I am tempted to believe him , there was something different about him . Anyway , when one o ' clock rolled around and he wanted to go get another drink I told him that I would love to stay , but that if he didn 't feel like being responsible for a place to stay for me , I would have to think about my trains home . He wanted me to stay . A little voice in the back of my mind told me that maybe I should go home if I liked him , I might get hurt , but as usual , I ignored it . We finished our drink , and off we went . We walked to his friend 's place , where he stays , and he stopped me on a bridge to kiss me . There we were , in the middle of the night , kissing on a bridge . It was awesome . When we got into the apartment building , he noticed there was a roof terrace . We got a bottle of wine from the house , some cheese , and went back up . We drank wine , had some cheese , he sang to me . We kissed some more . At one point , he just looked at me and said ' is this all for me ? ' Very smooth . At one point , he mentioned that this town seemed like a much better place to be , all of a sudden . Once inside , we sat on the couch , he put music on , and started making out . Obviously that pretty quickly turned into lots of nakedness . And good , good sex . He was hung , and circumcised ( which is rare here ) . After that , we moved into his bedroom , cuddled , talked some more and after a while , he was ready again . By the time we went to sleep , it was five in the morning . But when I had to get up to go to the bedroom a little later , I noticed I had bled a little on the sheets . Fuck . I had just come off my period , so that wasn 't it . This was the second time this happened . Once I discovered that , I lay there stressing out for a good hour . Was I going to tell him ? Was I not and be surprised when we saw it ? Was I gonna bleed more ? Should I sleep on my back ? And , how would he react ? Eventually , I did fall asleep , and we slept until noon . Nothing happened . He woke me up massaging my back . Seriously . One thing led to another , and we had slow morning sex . Once he pulled back the sheets , he saw the stain , saw my face ( I was still mortified ) , shrugged and said ' we made a mess ' . And proceeded to make out . After he came , we laid there forever . He said he 'd come so good and was so relaxed he was tingling and seeing purple stars . We stayed in bed , I was on his chest , and he 'd kiss my hair every now and then . When we did get up , he made us breakfast , we ate it half naked and it wasn 't awkward at all . He put his sheets in the washing machine , set up his computers to work later , and we left the house together . I was going home , he was going to get groceries . So we had to say goodbye on the corner of the street . He gave me three kisses on the cheek , a peck on the lips , said ' great date ' , and then ' bye . ' and turned around and left . I was a little taken aback by the abruptness of it . No ' see you next time ' , or ' we 'll be in touch . ' I went home wondering if he was just very good at the game , if I looked differently in daylight , or if he just doesn 't do goodbyes . Once home , I contemplated a plan of attack . I wouldn 't text him yet , I would give him time . I don 't think that after a serious relationship like he had , he wants to be crowded by someone wanting all sorts of things from him after a first date . So I talked it over with my friend , and went to bed , feeling a little weird about it . The goodbye was in such contrast to the date , and rather anticlimactic . But when I woke up this morning , I woke up to a message from him . A nice one , too . He nicknamed me , said he had had a great date , then some about his Sunday , and a have a good workweek for me , ending with an x . We went back and forth a bit , I asked if the sheet got clean ( it did ) and that 's it for now . I don 't want to be on his case , I want to give him space . At the same time , I think he goes back to his island home some time next week , so I do plan on asking him to see if he 'd like to meet up again before he goes . The distance thing doesn 't bother me , but the relationship is a bit tricky . He is most likely not ready for anything at all . And here I am , feeling like this after only one date , and that never happens . It 's very likely I am going to get hurt . We will see how this goes ; I am trying to manage my expectations and hope , though I really , really like this one . Posted on July 1 , 2014 by Ella North First things first ; the cliche about tall , blonde Scandinavians are true . And they 're all hipsters . Oh my . Heaven . When I got back ; I received a message from the Stud asking how it was . We went back and forth for a bit ; until he asked me how I 'd liked the Vikings . Had I taken advantage of them ? No , I had a roomie . That doesn 't mean anything , he said . I joked that I behaved myself and that I 'm not that kind of girl . He said that can be interpreted in a few different ways . All in all ; he really wanted to know . When I asked if I should be quizzing him as well , he informed me he had not had sex this weekend , intentionally , and that it had to do with his visit to me . I seized the opportunity and asked if it was ' the other girl ' that had come over , as he 'd told me days before . Yes , she was . Why no sex ? Turns out , he had told her about our weekend ( I wonder how you get to that point in a conversation with another woman ) and that she had told him she thought he was too casual , his moral was a bit too loose for her liking , and she 'd feel like a number if she slept with him . All good points . So , he didn 't intentionally not have sex , he was denied . I guess his visit to me ruined that for him . I asked him exactly that and said that I was under the impression he didn 't want to have anything casual at the moment . He said people changed . Hence his visit to me . I stared at my phone for a good while . It sounded like he was lucky not to have had to pay for it . Couple hours later , I told him I was sure he didn 't mean it the way it came across , but that I could not think of an appropriate response as he was leaving a lot of room for interpretation . He immediately apologized , said he didn 't mean that , and suggested we talk about this face to face . While I think that 's a really good thing and I am happy he is taking it seriously , I do think he will tell me things I don 't want to hear . Either way , we 've been in touch a lot ; told me he loved a photo I uploaded , and is being super interested in my new nephew . ( I 'm an auntie now ! ) We decided to meet when he 's off work for three week , which will be starting next week . Dating wise nothing much happened . The Tinder guy I really wanted to meet last week has been flaky . He wanted me to come to his town real bad , and tried real hard . He lives an hour and a half away from me . I don 't think so . We then scheduled for tomorrow , and yesterday he gave me the lame excuse he thought it was next week Wednesday . Eh no . Moving on . Posted on June 15 , 2014 by Ella North Leading up to my supposed date with the Stud last night , he had been a little standoffish when trying to nail down a time . On Friday , I asked him what the plan would be . He said it was up to me . I asked if he still wanted to come to my town . He said it didn 't matter to him . I asked if he wanted to do dinner , drinks , or both . He said he was a little tight in finances . I told him not to worry , and he said ' okido . ' No one ever says that word . Something felt off , and I was getting a little anxious . Then last night by seven , I had still not heard from him . I was frustrated , and even more when he said he wouldn 't get here before nine when I texted him . I felt like I was being squeezed in . I ended up having to rush getting dressed and all , but was pretty happy with the result . I went to pick him up from the train station , and he was perfectly happy and good looking as usual . We quickly made our way to a bar and talked as if we hadn 't seen each other in years . My strategy for the night was to not remind him of any trains going home . I was just going to let time pass , not say anything and if he 'd missed his train , oh how unfortunate . He told me he had come from his family who had grilled him when he 'd told them he was coming here . What 's there ? Well , Ella . Who 's Ella ? Are you staying the night ? I guess I am taking it as a positive thing his family knows about me now , though I don 't know what he 's told them . We once again touched the subject of dating when he said that after his weekend of sailing two weeks ago , he had visited the one other girl he was still in touch with besides me . She lives on the other side of the country and since he had to be there , he took the opportunity to go see her , and also mentioned he spent the night . My mind raced a little at this point . The odds of course say that he slept with her . I didn 't know how I felt about that . Well , I did . Why her , and not me ? I had looked her up before . He 'd mentioned her name a few times , and she 's on his Facebook list . She is the polar opposite of me . Black hair , tan skin , perfect make - up , and curvy . I didn 't ask him what he wanted from her or me . I wasn 't sure if I wanted to hear the answer . By the time he pulled out his phone to look at the time , it was one o ' clock , and quite a few more drinks later . He said he didn 't know if he was going to get home . I told him to stay with me , to which I got a yay . Must have been his plan already . We had a last drink , and headed home . He was a little more touchy - feely than I know him to be ( or maybe , once again I am reading too much into this ) but since he had mentioned his other friend and I was all too aware of his resistance to casual sex and commitment , did not think anything of it . Just in case I got the signals wrong , I didn 't want to embarrass myself or him either . Back at mine we have a last drink before we head to the bedroom . He used my toothbrush , saying his mouth has been at weirder places on me with a grin , and we unceremoniously get changed for bed . He had mentioned his sore back a few times , and I 'd seen him wiggle around during the night . I offer to massage and try to loosen him up a bit , and he happily accepts . I stop before he falls asleep , and lie back down . We talk for a bit , with him stroking my arm , and then he mentions that it 's been a while since we 've shared a bed . Yes , two and a half months to be exact . At this point , call me oblivious , I am still think we 're being perfectly platonic . He doesn 't want me like that after all . While I had hoped he 'd come back home with me , I had not thought sex was in the cards , I would have been perfectly satisfied to have just spent more time with him . But when I switch off the bedside light , he doesn 't hesitate . We make out for a long time while our hands just roam around as if it were all new . Because of his back I end up doing most of the heavy lifting , but he manages to make me come twice with his fingers . I suck him until he 's hard , scramble around for a condom and get to work . We closed my windows because of the neighbors and my squeaky bed , and it 's warm in the room . We 're both sweating , and the sheets are clammy . I love it . Means the sex is dirty . He doesn 't come though , and even after we switch around , he admits that it 's not happening . Oh well . Beers , pressure , busy day , who knows . He wraps his arms and legs around me , and we both fall asleep pretty quickly . It 's four thirty . I wake up a few times , gently shove him once to make him stop snoring , and we both lazily whisper good mornings by nine o ' clock . We drift in and out of sleep for the next hour , and I wake up again when his fingers draw up and down my back . After a while , he moves on top of me , and we lazily make out . I love being squished . Eventually he sucks and bites his way down , and spends a glorious amount of time eating me out . After I come he doesn 't stop , and my legs are shaky when a second orgasm hits . We switch , and I do the same for him . He plays with my hair while he moans and groans , and I can 't help but smile a little . It turns me on . He doesn 't warn me when he comes , but I can feel it , and take it all . I find out he doesn 't care about tasting himself , and we happily kiss and hug while coming down from the high . We get up at around eleven thirty , take turns in the shower , and have breakfast . It 's comfortable . I take him to the train station to go home an hour later , and we say our goodbyes . That was definitely more than I bargained for , in the best way possible . As corny as it sounds , it was perfect . Everything worked , and it was one of those nights where there 's just a connection and you want human contact . When he 's gone , I go through my usual hour or two of feeling conflicted and sad , and call my friend . We did not talk about the current situation . I do not think this night changed anything for him . It was a natural progression and we both wanted it . It just worked out that way . I don 't know if he likes me that way . Yes , he likes me as a person and thinks I 'm hot , but I don 't think he has changed his mind about his situation . It confuses me at some point . He tells me one thing but his actions say another . If casual sex makes him unhappy , as he has mentioned , then why did he do this ? Where does this other woman stand ? I think one of the reasons he has stayed in touch with me ( apart from regular liking me ) is the fact I have not been nagging him about the whole thing . I 'm not sure if we should even talk about last night . I shouldn 't even been thinking about it so much , because I should be clear on the situation . But well , I 'm a girl . Though I do think , should this happen again , maybe it is time for the both of us to re - evaluate . I will see him again , he 's said so , so we 'll have to see how that goes . I know I cannot do this forever . I can do the casual sex thing if I am not into someone , but I am into him , and he must know that somewhere inside . Posted on March 16 , 2014 by Ella North On Wednesday night , a couple days after my second date with the bisexual man ( who I will now call Stud as it sounds much better ) he sent me a text late at night asking if he could call me . Sure , I replied , wondering what he could possibly want to talk about . He calls , and says he wants to hear a familiar voice . He is at his father 's house , trying to clean it out . His dad has Alzheimers , and he took the ungrateful job of sorting through his things to see what 's staying and what 's going . He feels alone and a bit sad , understandable . We talk for a while until he feels better , he goes to take a bath , I go back to bed . I did wonder if he had no one else to talk to , seeing as we 'd only been on two dates , but at the same time I consider it a good sign . We exchange only a few texts during the week ( he 's not much of a texter ) and when on Saturday evening I ask him if he 's gone home or still at his dad 's house , he says he 's still there , and I am more than welcome to come . He throws in a bath , and a ride to my workshop in his city in the morning . Even though it 's an hour away , I accept after making sure he 's not joking . He warns me it 'll be like camping , but hey , nothing I don 't know . So I jump on a train , tell him I 'll be there at 9 , and he comes to pick me up from the train station . At his dad 's house , he gives me a tour and I start to understand what he 's doing . There 's boxes and boxes of stuff everywhere . Countless binders with paperwork . I wonder if it 's uncomfortable that I 'm at his father 's house , but he 's not , so I let it go . He gets drinks , we talk as usual , and somehow ending up playing monopoly on the floor in between the boxes . He 's very touchy - feely this time . I make an idiot of myself by constantly forgetting the rules , and hope he doesn 't think I 'm stupid . We play for about an hour , and then call it quits to take a bath . He very cutely pours quarter of a bottle of oil in , lights candles , and we jump in . Neither of us have a bath at home , so we take full advantage and hang out until the water gets cold . Thank God there 's a bed , and we quickly put a sheet on it , and zip two sleeping bags together . Unlike last time , we get right down to business , though we take it a lot slower . The bath made us lazy ! We make out for a while , until I climb on top of him . I suck on his balls and dick and listen to him moan . And then he pulls me up by my hair , kisses me hard , and holds me down . Yay . He bites his way down , and I enjoy looking at him in between my legs , and his shoulders working . He spends good time eating me out , but does it very slowly . I give into it and after a while come quietly , very civilized , yet he knows . I take his dick in my hands , and work it until I decide it 's time to fuck . I sit myself down on him , and manage to find a perfect angle . We go at it fast and hard , I make myself come another time , and he quickly comes with his signature three hard thrusts and moans . There 's just something I love about watching and hearing men come , and he 's very satisfactory . After a quick clean up , we get back into bed . I tell him he 's hot , and find out he 's bad at taking compliments . We have another lazy make out session , and then decide to go to sleep . The alarm will go off in a few hours , he has to go rowing , and I have 3 hours of yoga to do the next day . I 'm happy he doesn 't snore as bad as last time , and manage to actually get a good night sleep . When we wake up , I 'm ready to go at it again , but we don 't have any more condoms , and he 's worried of being late . So he gets up to do some last cleaning and get his stuff together , and I take a shower . It 's a quiet morning , but not of the awkward kind . After an hour we close the door and drive back to his city . We get there a lot faster than planned . He parks the car , and we load up his bike with our bags . He rides home with me on the back , and even have time for a cup of coffee at his place . Since he has to be in the boat at 11 : 30 and my workshop doesn 't start until one , he tells me to stay behind if I want . I can hang out and just close the door behind me ? Awesome . I even feel a little flattered . He leaves after a kiss , and I look around . Where to snoop first ? No , joking . I didn 't . I did open up his medicine cabinet to see what was there ( nothing interesting ) went to see what was on the floor beside his bed ( a book and condoms ) and had a good look at his bookcase . We actually read a lot of the same stuff . His passport was also sitting there , and I did look at that . I found out that when the passport was issued , 3 years ago , he was still married . I already knew that . He 's been married to a man for 6 years , and they were together for 13 years . Intimidating . They split up 2 years ago , very amicably , and their divorce isn 't even final yet . Neither of them want to screw the other over , and apparently , that takes time . Oh well . It 's not a shock , and I 'm not bothered . I sit around for a while , have another drink , and then leave for class . I send him a text to say thanks for using his apartment . After class , late in the afternoon I have a text from him asking how it was , and we go back and forth for a bit . He says he 's gonna go our for a walk since the sun is out . I say I am going for a green shot with two classmates and will wave if I see him walk down the street . I don 't think much of it , but sure enough , half an hour later , there he is . In jeans , shirt and sunglasses . Looking very hot . We spot each other at the same time and I am immediately a little on edge . I 'm still sweaty , I 'm pretty sure my make up is smudged , and my hair is in a frizzy ponytail . We say hello with a kiss , he says hi to my two friends , tries my green shot , talks some more , and then leaves with another kiss to go get ice cream . My two male friends stare me down . Who was he ? I tell them we 've been on a few dates and that 's it . They agree that he is smoking . On the train home , he texts , so hopefully that means he 's not put off by my not so charming post - yoga look . I feel really comfortable around him , but yet I am unsure of what to do all the time . I have the feeling he 's not necessarily looking for something serious . Which is fine , but I need to tell myself to not expect anything or be too forward about meeting up . I also think he is not into me romantically , but does not like being alone at this point in his life and is comfortable with me . We get along really well , are both super comfortable , and the sex is good . I also know that he is insecure , and might struggle with the same thoughts I struggle with . Tricky thing is that I go on holiday for almost a month in two weeks , and I am nervous he will meet someone else . I 'm pretty sure he still goes on dates , which I am fine with , but I don 't want him to meet anyone he 'll be more into that me . Fair chance though , 3 , 5 weeks is a long time , he won 't wait for me , so hopefully he 'll still be there when I come back . So I have two weeks before I leave , of which 3 trips to Germany , and my period is due on my last weekend home next weekend . Awesome . I gotta figure that one out . He sent me a friendly message to ask if I was alright . And I am , I really am . I have booked myself to be ridiculously busy during my 2 week holiday break , and now that I 've got it off my chest , I feel a lot better . And then I start thinking . Was I in love with the Ginger ? No . Did I think I could ever be ? Yes . Did I become emotional just because I was rejected , or because I didn 't realize how much I liked him ? I can 't make up my mind . Would I be ok seeing him again knowing he doesn 't like me that way and might never ? Probably . Am I telling myself these things because I am missing intimacy ? Maybe . If I were to tell him that , how does that come across ? ( Don 't worry , I won 't just yet in this state ) He 'd probably think I 'm saving my face , lying or desperate . Or confused . Posted on December 19 , 2013 by Ella North but . Yup , I got that one yesterday . In other words , I got dumped . I was hoping to be able to write something happier about the Ginger , but here we go . He got back from touring last weekend , and as usual , we 'd been in touch pretty much daily . I was looking forward to his return and seeing him again , but when he hadn 't asked about meeting after a few days , I did . He said ' sure ' . Well that didn 't sound too enthusiastic , and when I asked , he told me he wanted me to know he wasn 't head over heels , and felt that I should know . He thought I was great and loved spending time with me , but didn 't think it would go beyond that . Well fuck me . I told him I kind of had thought that way and thanked him for his honesty . Then , I asked him to delete some of the photos I had sent him . Nothing explicit , but still . To which he replies ' is it all over then ? ' Uhm well , isn 't that what you 're telling me ? So I said that if he didn 't see it going anywhere seeing him would be awkward for me and kind of pointless , because I did like him . He said he understood , and had just wanted to see where I stood in this thing . ( Seriously , what 's wrong with a phonecall ? ) I decided to suck it up . Told him it was a bummer for me , but tough luck . And said that I felt led on by all the texting . ( Why else would you do that if you 're not into someone ? ) . He apologized . Coming back to his question of it being all over , I asked him what he wanted from me . He said ' I dunno … friendship ? ' So that 's that . He told me twice he thought I was really great and he really liked me . But apparently not enough for anything serious . I would have been happier if he 'd said I was a bitch . Because what 's missing then ? I kind of got the idea he was expecting me to be ok with it and be open for meeting up for sex ( or indeed friendship , who knows ) and did not expect me to put an end to it like this . My friends agreed , thinking he might come back after realizing what he had after it 's gone , but I doubt it . And it doesn 't make me feel better . I cried for about an hour last night and then got it together . I do feel better today but I feel like I lost something . Which is weird . I have to admit I miss the daily texts . I have to sit on my hands to not send him a note . I don 't hate him , he 's not a jackass . At least he was honest and clear and didn 't drag it out for months . He deleted his online profile today , maybe he realized women actually want more from you if you 're on a dating site . Also , I feel a bit lonely . Another fail . Do I text him ? Do I be nice and show him I can be friends if he wants to ? Show him I am actually fantastic and see if he 'll turn around ? Ugh . Help !