Over time I have become convinced that animals tend to have definite meanings in dreams . Whether the animal is a frog or an owl , a wolf or a bear , the dream is more understandable if the animal 's intrinsic meaning is understood . After perusing the fifteen dreams in which goats have appeared in my dreams , I was surprised by the conclusion I reached concerning the nature of my dream - goats . I encountered Mrs . Weinstein ( the mother of my old friend Steve Weinstein ) and I told her she had appeared in two of my dreams . As she showed extreme interest , I began telling her the first dream , which had taken place in my mother 's 29th Street House in Portsmouth ( my old hometown in hill - cradled southeastern Ohio ) . I first described the House 's front door , which had actually consisted of two sets of doors , with four doors on each side , eight doors altogether . Each door had had a window at the top , and each door had opened so it folded back toward the wall . I described the doors to Mrs . Weinstein in great detail , and I even drew her a picture . As I first began drawing , the lines were straight and showed rectangular doors , but as I proceeded , the lines became more and more crooked and out of proportion . I could hardly find room on my drawing to insert the little windows into the doors , which somehow reminded me of doors which I had seen at Mrs . Weinstein 's house . I told Mrs . Weinstein that the doors had made me realize she had had something to do with the dream . As I recounted the dream to her , however , I realized that when I had written the dream , I had forgotten to include her in it . In the dream , my sister had also been in the 29th Street House with me . When some people in black leather jackets who looked like part of a gang started trying to break into the House , I ran over to the doors ( which were open ) and with difficulty pushed them shut . The doors , however , began to bulge inward as the gang members pushed them from the other side . I pushed back , thinking if I could push the doors back to a certain place on the floor , a golden bolt attached to the doors could be shoved down into the floor to hold the doors shut . I told my sister to push the bolt down , but we couldn 't seem to make the bolt work , and the gang members continued to push from the outside . As I related the dream , it occurred to me that Mrs . Weinstein had actually been in the House and had helped me fight off the gang members . I tried to think ofAfter I had told Mrs . Weinstein about the dreams and left her , a couple days later I was feeling as if I would like to have sex with someone , and I decided I would like to go to bed with Mrs . Weinstein . I went to the place where she and her husband , Dr . Weinstein ( an optometrist ) , were living in a modern house on a big hill in the country . I climbed up the back of the hill and reached the rear of their house , where I was surprised to find piles of cow manure all over the yard . I didn 't think the untidy yard seemed to represent the way the Weinsteins would live . I walked around to the front of the house , where I saw an old cow and a goat . I also saw a llama , which stood up and looked me right in the eye . When I looked at the llama 's mouth ( which was crunched together ) , I thought it was a cute animal . A fence kept all the animals in the yard . When another furry animal jumped up and began making a shrill sound , I thought it might be a dog , even though it didn 't look like a dog . It looked like an animal which I had never seen and which didn 't have a name . A freakish little animal , it displayed a long gray with white hair all over it . The shrill sound the animal was making sounded somewhat like a pig , but I thought , " Well , surely the Weinsteins , being Jews , wouldn 't be raising pigs . " As all the animals began making strange sounds , I walked onto the back porch , looked inside , and saw Dr . and Mrs . Weinstein lying on the floor of the living room . Apparently they had been sleeping , but the sounds of the animals had awakened them . Dr . Weinstein put on a pair of glasses and walked over to some wrenches and other tools scattered on the floor with which he had apparently been working . At first I stood outside , looking in , without saying anything , but finally I walked in and said , " Well , I just decided to come on up and see you again . When Mrs . Weinstein smiled , I felt somewhat guilty about wanting to have sex with her , but the urge was still overwhelming . I asked Dr . Weinstein where he had obtained all the animals , but he only replied that they were giving him a headache . I told him he could sell them , then added that he would probably hate to do that because he had become attached to them . He replied that he hadn 't become attached to the animals . To understand my goats , it was critical for me to draw the distinction between domesticated goats and wild goats . I had the feeling that goats represented something coarse and somewhat vulgar . But I had only been thinking of domesticated goats and not the beautiful and intriguing wild goats . After I had met my father and boarded his car , he pulled into a place which looked like a McDonald 's restaurant . As he steered around a curve , we saw a gigantic animal which looked like a large raccoon lying on the ground . We pulled on around to the take - out window , near which were lying several more raccoons . The raccoons were lined up so we couldn 't even pull up to the window . I hollered out to the woman inside and told her I wanted several things including a couple fish sandwiches . Overtop the take - out window was a large glass box which contained white stuff used for topping on food . Upon closer scrutiny I also noticed a goat inside the glass box . I wanted some of the white topping on something I was buying , but obviously the goat was getting mixed up with the topping . As the woman prepared to scoop the topping out of the glass box and put the topping on the food which she was going to give me , I told her I didn 't want the topping since the goat was in it - I thought the topping would have hairs on it . I told her she needed to take the goat out and make up a new batch for me . We drove away and went to a restaurant in Portsmouth across the street from where my father had his real estate office between 1963 and 1967 and we began eating . After a while , my sister joined us . I quickly learned that my sister hadn 't been living with my father and that she had begun dating some fellows . My father was trying to prevent her dating certain people and was trying to require her to obtain his permission before she went out . My sister ( rebelling against that idea ) said she was going to date whomever she wanted . When my father told her to ask me what I thought about it , I told her she should do what my father told her to do . I told her she wouldn 't be able to work for him if she didn 't do what he told her . I noticed my sister wasn 't wearing a top and I tapped her on the back . My father was a lawyer . He said he was handling auto cases and was charging 50 percent . When I told him most lawyers charged a third , he said he had rAlthough the domesticated goats in my dreams basically corresponded with my original assessment of something coarse and vulgar , even the domesticated goats weren 't nearly as nasty as I would have anticipated . To the contrary , I found the domesticated goats to be rather engaging , playful , clown - like creatures . On my way to Europe , I arrived in New York City where I spent the night sleeping outside under an old sleeping bag and cover which I had with me . I was also carrying a bundle of clothes in a back pack . I didn 't sleep well and was still tired when I got up . I found myself in a slum area of town and even though I didn 't want to stay there , I finally decided to go to a nearby slum hotel . When I walked into the lobby of the hotel , I had the impression that derelicts probably stayed there . I even say a derelict walk in and ask for a room . He was told the hotel was full . The man at the counter gave him a key and told him to go on up the street . When I noticed other people had left their possessions in the lobby , I thought perhaps I likewise would leave my backpack and sleeping bag there . I had carried my sleeping bag and cover into the lobby without having first rolled them up and when I began trying to roll them up and tie a rope around them , I had enormous difficulty . Finally I packed everything in my sleeping bag and managed to tie it together . I left my possessions in the lobby and walked outside where it was just beginning to dawn . Since I knew my old friend Steve Weinstein lived in New York , I wished I knew his phone number so I could call him and perhaps spend a couple days with him . But I didn 't know the number and I didn 't think it was listed . I didn 't want to call Steve 's parents in Portsmouth and try to get the phone number from them . Anyway I really didn 't want to go to Steve 's with just my back pack and sleeping bag . He would probably look down on me . I walked around a while and then returned to the hotel . I walked into the lobby , which now looked like a small field . Two young girls , a blonde and a brunette , were in the field . I thought they were attractive even though they appeared rather rough . Since I knew my wife Louise and I had separated , I thought I might like to meet meet new women , such as one of these girls . Besides the girls , some goats were also in the field ; I soon perceived the goats had pullEven though my apprehension of goats as something coarse and vulgar might have been correct , I found the domesticated goats to be delightful creatures which could talk to me in my dreams . One Friday I had gone to see a black woman at a housing project . Since her house had been posted for foreclosure for the following Tuesday , I wanted to talk with her about buying the house . After I stepped up to the door , she answered and invited me in . Probably in her late 50s , she lived there with several children . When I asked her if she had received any notices of her property having been posted for foreclosure , she said she hadn 't . Quite concerned , she wanted to know what she should do about it . Although the house was rather run down , I was still interested in purchasing it . She said that she wasn 't interested in selling , and that she only wanted to catch up on her delinquent mortgage payments , which were apparently only about $ 35 per week . I explained to her how she could probably contact the people to whom she owed the money and pay it . I gave her my business card and told her to call me if she had any problem . Thinking I might even be able to loan her some money , I said , " Please call me . " After I had spoken , I thought I had been too obsequious by saying " please . " I hadn 't needed to say that . I still wasn 't ready to leave . After I sat down a while in the front room where some of the children were , two goats ( a small gray one and a large white one ) walked into the room . Even though I was afraid the goats might try to bite me , I began petting both , and they didn 't bite me . After I mentioned that the goats were nice to pet , I thought I heard one goat repeat , " Yes , they 're nice to pet . " When I finally stood up to leave , I stepped into the little reception room in front of the front door and looked outside , where I saw a large grizzly bear playing with a girl . Seeing the bear , I was rather afraid to go outside . I looked at the bear more closely and saw that its chest had been cut open so its hair was just hanging on it . I could see the bear 's innards . Although part of the entrails - area was hollow , I could still see the bear 's heart and ribs . What I saw was rather bizarre . The essential nature of wild goats is that they are free . It is precisely this freedom which wild goats seem to symbolize in my dreams . While I was in Portsmouth , standing on the levy by the Ohio River just south of the U . S . Grant Bridge ( which connects Ohio and Kentucky ) , I heard a splash , looked toward the bank and saw a number of people fishing in he river . I also saw quite a few fishing rods standing on the shore with their lines out in the water . The splash had apparently originated from one rod which had fallen into the water . The fishing line of the fallen rod was stretched taut and the rod was being pulled toward the left over the surface of the water . Someone realized a fish was on the line and the person managed to grab the rod . Finally the fish was pulled up on the bank - it was as long as a person . I felt sorry for the fish ; I disliked the idea of so many people fishing in the river and depleting the fish . When I looked toward the bridge , I thought I saw some logs floating under the bridge , but looking closer , I realized the objects were seals crossing the river . A long line of seals was moving north along the opposite Kentucky shore of the river . On the opposite bank I could also see other wild animals , including antelope and zebras . I also noticed that behind me on my side of the river were some white cows walking along the levy . I had the feeling the cows had come from India . The animals on the other side of the river apparently were crossing the river under the bridge ; when the animals reached my side of the river , they began running toward me and the many people around me . It was a virtual stampede . I quickly ducked behind a tree as the animals raced past me . I didn 't see anyone being run over , but I realized if I were to trip out from behind the tree I could possibly be seriously injured . Glancing to my right , I noticed a small white goat standing near me . The other animals raced past the goat . When another man crowded in next to me behind the tree , I thought other people were also going to crowd in . Some policemen were attempting to control the stampede and finally it stopped ; but it looked as if the animals might begin runniI was not quite free to run like a wild goat . My goats were still more of the domesticated variety . Dream of : 15 December 1985 " Running Like A Goat " My ex - wife Louise and I were at the House in Patriot ( the home of my maternal grandparents when I was a child , located in the small rural village of Patriot , in southeastern Ohio ) . Louise and I were getting along quite well - she had been learning French and we were conversing in French . She was even considering going to France with me . She seemed as if she had matured quite a bit recently and was on the verge of accepting some responsibilities in life . After walking into a room by ourselves , we began hugging , kissing and being affectionate . Gradually we took off all our clothes and I decided to have sex with her . When I climbed on top of her , however , my erection had disappeared . Nevertheless , I inserted my penis about half way into her vagina . She was very wet and seemed rather loose . I reflected that she was planning to marry her new boyfriend Vernon and that she had probably been having sex with him . I also worried that she might have had sex with someone else besides Vernon , and that she might have contracted a venereal disease . Having sex with her was probably dangerous for me ( I didn 't think she had a venereal disease - but I was unsure ) . Since the thoughts were causing my erection to disappear , I stopped and climbed off . After we both rose , Louise said she was going to leave and come back later . She left . After a while I thought about calling her on the phone . I knew she had gone to the house of her mother , Violet Halley . I knew Violet didn 't really like me and I didn 't care to talk with her . I didn 't know whether I should try to call and simply hang up if Violet answered . I thought perhaps I should just wait for Louise to return . I walked into the toilet , looked into the mirror , and saw my hair had grown quite long . It was hanging down to my nose in front and was also long on the sides and the back . Since I was going to France soon , I wondered if I should cut my hair before I left ? The more I looked at the hair , the more I realized I liked long hair . I thought , " Why do people cut their hair when it lMy hair was still at a stage where it didn 't look that good - but I thought if I let it grow a little longer it would look fine . Why didn 't I also let my beard grow ? I looked better with a beard and I thought having a beard seemed more natural . Nevertheless I thought I needed to get a haircut - finding employment would be more difficult if my hair were long . It was Saturday , either the eighth or ninth of June . I was still in law school . The day actually seemed like Sunday to me because I had just had a two day vacation on Thursday and Friday when I hadn 't had to go to school . I was only going to have a few more days of school in the coming week and then I would be out for summer vacation . Since it was Saturday , I thought the barber shop in the little town of Gallipolis ( about 30 kilometers away ) would be open . Plus I knew there was an open barber shop in the village of Rio Grande ( about 12 kilometers away ) where I had once had my hair cut . I walked back into the kitchen where I found my mother and my maternal grandmother Leacy . I looked through the window outside and saw large snowflakes - as large as softballs - falling outside . My mother and my grandmother commented that they had never seen snowflakes so large . I was surprised that my grandmother , as old as she was , had never seen snowflakes that large . I looked at the flakes more closely ; the large flakes were actually made of many smaller flakes which had accumulated together on the earthward fall . The flakes reminded me of a kind of wind - blown seed I had seen before floating in the air . After I walked outside , the flakes suddenly stopped falling , but I saw one large flake lying on the ground . I picked it up , held it in my hands and examined it . It was indeed composed of a number of snowflakes . In the center of each flake was a nucleus which looked like a seed . I examined the large flake more closely , showed it to someone standing next to me , and said , " Look at this . " As the person looked at the flake , I scrutinized it further and began pulling on the nucleus until I finally jerked a large evergreen branch right out of the snowflake . It had seemed as if the snowflake had actually just turned into the evergreen branch , about 10 centimeters long . I held the branch in my hand , uncertain what to think of the development . My father and my maternal grandfather Liston walked up . My grandfather was a very small and aThe three of us walked over to my car and boarded , my father in the driver 's seat and I in the back . My father wanted to take a ride to see the countryside and he began driving down the snow - covered road toward Gallipolis . However , he was driving the car backward instead of forward . The road was scenic and had farms along it . As he drove , my father talked to my grandfather about another road which might have been even more scenic . As we rode along , I was concerned that Louise might call the House for me , and I wouldn 't be there . So I wanted to return as quickly as possible . I thought my relationship with Louise shouldn 't be so fragile that I would worry about never seeing or hearing from her again if I weren 't there when she called . Nevertheless , since I couldn 't really call her at her home , I was worried about what would happen if she were unable to reach me . The road became clearer and clearer until it was free of snow . I made an uncertain comment to my father about his driving backward - but he seemed unperturbed by my comment . I asked him if he were able to see ( apparently he was looking through the rearview mirror as he drove ) and he said he could . I looked out the rear window in the direction we were going to see if any traffic was coming . As we were going down one hill I suddenly saw a car coming toward us very fast up the hill and said , " There 's one coming . " My father saw the car and stayed on the right side of the road and the car passed . We continued on until the road gradually became smaller and smaller . We went up a hill and crossed over some wooden bridges so small ( they looked like foot bridges ) I didn 't even think the car would be able to get across them . I advised my father to be careful . Some stakes were sticking up out of the bridges and I was afraid he would tear up the bottom of the car , but we made it over the bridges . We continued going up a hill . By the time we had almost reached the top , we were no longer in the car , but were walking . My father was in the lead , followed by my grandfather and finally by me . The hill was very steep - almost like a cliff . We continued climbing until we had almost reached a thick cloud right over our heads . I thought it was a shame the cloud was there because it would block our view . I didn 't see much point in being there on the hill in the first place if we weren 't going to be able to see anything . My father seemed anxious to get into the cloud . When we reached a tiny plateau , my father and my grandfather walked into the thick cloud - I didn 't . I could hear them talking in the cloud and I thought they might be trying to play a game with me . But I wasn 't sure exactly what was going on and I was unsure I wanted to enter the cloud , which was so thick that a person wouldn 't be able to see his hand in front of his face . As they wandered around in the cloud , I listened to them talk . Right beside the cloud was a steep cliff . Suddenly my grandfather stepped out of the cloud , didn 't see the cliff and fell over it . He bounced and plunged down the side of the cliff . It was a ghastly sight . After he finally hit bottom , I looked over the edge of the cliff and saw him lying at the bottom , moaning . When my father stuck his head out of the cloud , I warned him to be careful and pointed out what had just happened to my grandfather . For an instant I was uncertain what to do . Suddenly I began running down the side of the cliff . AlthoughI knew my grandfather must be in terrible pain and I wanted him to know that someone was coming . I continued hollering out soothing words to him . His moans seemed to diminish somewhat when he heard me speaking to him . showed it to me . Part of the exhibit consisted of what appeared to be a fireplace , including the chimney and mantle ; I figured the fireplace must have derived from the writer 's home . Suddenly the same boy was obviously looking for something which I imagined the writer must have once hidden under the chimney . The boy disappeared into the hole which he had dug . When he finally reappeared , he handed me what he had found . Examining closely , I saw that it was a tablet of lined yellow paper . When I opened the tablet , I was surprised to see very precise , neat printing in blue ink covering all pages . The writing my mother ( not my actual mother ) . As I told her the tablet might be worth a million dollars , I tried to hold the tablet low so no one else in the theater would see it . I immediately decided Several children were gathered in a circle and were talking about what to do with the manuscript . They seemed quite solemn . One of them said that a girl there would have to marry a boy there who was smaller than the girl . The girl Only art could set me free . This was the surprise message of the goat . I had never realized that my artistic goal was to become free . Dream of : I was in a room with several other people , all sitting in chairs in a semi circle , except for one standing woman who talked and talked and talked , until it seemed she was trying to take over the group . Since I didn 't care about listening to her , I finally decided to stand up and leave . As I started to depart , some people began protesting that they wanted me to stay . I replied that I would love to stay , but that I thought everyone in the group should be talking and that the one woman shouldn 't be monopolizing the group . I pointed to several people who I thought should also be talking . I also thought it would be easier for everyone to talk if the group was arranged in a circle instead of a semi circle . My old friend Steve Weinstein was in the group . He seemed to be wearing a dark blue shirt and blue jeans . I wondered what he thought of the whole situation . Afterwards I went to visit Steve in a house where he was staying - about 25 kilometers from the house where I was presently living . My house was a large old house which didn 't have much furniture . Both our houses were located in a secluded area and as soon as I saw Steve , I mentioned how strange it was that we two were living so close together . Steve had been studying painting and he wanted to show me some paintings he had done . I walked with him into a large room where I first noticed about five panels of paintings arranged like Japanese silk screens . A couple panels looked as if they had almost completed paintings on them . The first painting I noticed displayed the life - size image of a seated man who was wearing a cap such as a Frenchman might wear . The background was quite red . Although the painting wasn 't yet completed , I was amazed at its exquisite execution . The man 's face was very white and seemed to have a goat - like quality which reminded me of paintings by Marc Chagall . Steve talked about the painting which apparently was of a brother of his who had died when the brother had been quite young , even though the man in the painting looked as if he might be iTo achieve freedom through art , I needed to unravel the mystery of beauty . Even though I sometimes hesitated to create something beautiful , I could not deny the enthralling beauty of a wild mountain goat . Dream of : 27 March 1989 " Cheetahs And Mountain Goats " I was riding in the back seat of a car driven by my old high - school friend , Mike Walls , while someone else was riding in the front seat with Walls . As we rode along a country road , I looked down into a little dried - up creek , and saw what looked like a cheetah crouching behind a log . I was so astounded by what I saw , I could hardly speak . I began trying to say , " Cheetah ! Cheetah ! " , but either my words weren 't coming out , or Walls simply couldn 't hear me . I kept my eyes on the cheetah and watched it crossing over the road behind me and up the hillside on the other side of the road . It looked as if there might even be a second cheetah . Finally I did manage to get Walls ' attention and he stopped the car . He began backing up , but I was afraid it was too late . To my surprise , however , right up above us on the side of the hill , sere a large cheetah and a smaller young one . They were truly beautiful . I sat in awe admiring them . Not far from them I also saw two large , white mountain goats , the kind with long hair and short straight horns . They likewise were truly beautiful . Although I was responsible for writing and compiling my dreams , the old question of the origin of the dreams remained unanswered . I did not create my dreams . I did , however , provide the raw material used for their creation . So in that sense at least , I was responsible for the content . Dream of : 03 April 1990 " Stuffed Animals " I was with my father and my mother in a car which my father was driving through a mountainous area . As my father took a road which meandered up and down over the mountain tops , I became enthralled by the beauty of the scenery . When I noticed many of the trees had been cut down , however , I said something about how man had simply come in there and chopped down the trees . On one mountain stretched a long power line ; large trees had been cut down to make way for the power line . Some extremely large logs were piled up on top of the mountain ; one log was placed to hold the others from rolling down the mountain . Sensing my father was driving too fast , I asked him to slow down , but he wouldn 't and he continued racing over the mountains . We ascended one mountain speckled with ornate old houses . As we passed one house , my father said my grandmother used to live there . I concluded that my paternal grandmother Mabel apparently used to live in the house when she had been growing up . I asked my father to stop , but he wouldn 't - he just kept going . When we finally reached a town , we began circling through narrow streets on both sides of which stood small shops selling various items . Since it was Sunday , however , all shops were closed . We continued to the very top of the mountain , where we finally found a small shop which was open . My father circled around the shop and finally stopped . My father , my mother and I stepped from the car , walked into the shop and looked around . The shop contained many stuffed animals , one of which was a large black mountain goat lying on the floor . The stuffed goat cost over $ 400 . I continued looking around until I saw some live animals on the shelves . There was even a live pony on the shelf which I began petting . It liked the petting . On the floor stood a sculpture of a large horse which had been intricately carved out of wood . It was a bit taller than I and was standing on it hind legs . My mother said something to a woman running the shop about how expensive everything was . I continued admiring theWild goats must be protected if the fragile freedom of the mind is to be maintained . Dream on top of me , it turned and bounded away . Looking around I noticed a large brown antlerless deer climbing over the rocks not far from me . I attentively admired the beautiful sleek animal as it I had been in South America for a while , and I was getting ready to leave , when I realized I hadn 't looked enough at the night sky . I had looked some at the night sky - - I had seen some falling stars . I also recalled I had recently been looking at the stars in Chihuahua , Mexico with my friend Donna , and I had seen a very bright falling star . I had hollered at Donna to look at the falling star , but it had passed before she had looked . I still recalled how bright that particular falling star had been that night . Now I realized I should have spent more time on my trip to South America looking at the sky . I wouldn 't often have such an opportunity to look at the sky of the southern hemisphere . At the moment , I was at a hospital , visiting a fellow who was lying in bed . We were talking about this subject and he told me about books which showed different portions of the sky of the southern hemisphere . He also said falling stars were more prevalent at certain times . Right now the falling stars weren 't numerous , but the books would tell me when they would be . As we talked , I developed a mental image of the night sky of the southern hemisphere . I envisioned a constellation of a cow or goat on a spit hanging over an open fire . The constellation seemed to cover the entire sky . The truth , however , is that I was often less than courageous in seeking my freedom . I often regressed to the guise of the old lascivious goat who cared about nothing but himself . At least I kept a record of it . Dream of the menagerie , and I specifically noted that they weren 't dangerous fire ants , but smaller ants that probably didn 't bite . I realized why all the animals were there : this was some kind of day care center for children , and the animals were kept to entertain the children . Even the ants were part of an ant colony which the children could watch . Harboring the animals seemed like a good idea to me . An elderly man and woman who ran do with the " truth " , I wasn 't quite sure . That clown , the goat , has so many predators . Yet images of the goat remain fast in my mind and I have come to love it . Dream of : 05 June 2004 " Torn Image " As my pet Dalmatian Picasso and I were passing through a country field , I suddenly realized several lions were in the field . I was somehow familiar with these lions , almost as if they belonged to me , and I wasn 't particularly concerned they would attack me . However , I did fear the lions might hurt Picasso , and I hurried to the nearest fence , opened a wire gate and with Picasso , stepped through to a second field on the other side . When I turned around toward the gate to fasten it ( turning my back on Picasso ) , one lion in the first field walked up to the other side of the fence and I lowered my left hand to its nose . The lion took my fingers in its mouth and began lightly nibbling them . I was wary , aware the lion could rip off my fingers if it wanted , but I allowed it to mouth my fingers a while longer , until I finally pulled my hand away . When I turned back around to resume my walk through the second field , Picasso had disappeared . I immediately became alarmed , especially when I spotted two lions in the second field . The lions were male , but they had no manes , and they were a gray color , rather than brown . They scurried ahead of me , so fast I quickly lost sight of them . I didn 't know if they had followed me through the wire gate while I had passed through , or if they had already been in the second field . I ran across the second field , into a rocky ravine . I had a grave presentment of what I was about to find , and suddenly up ahead of me , I saw one lion , atop the ridge of the ravine , chewing on something white . I ran toward the lion and screamed , aching because I knew the lion had killed Picasso . The lion dropped its mouthful and ran off . I rushed up to the spot and picked up the remains of what I assumed to be Picasso . He had been reduced to no more than a flat piece of cardboard partially wrapped in cellophane and partially chewed . On the face of the cardboard was a partial image of Picasso 's head - - only the image resembled more the head of a white goat than the head of Picasso . I had seen this image before : it was exactly like the image of a happy white goat which I had seen in a painting by Marc Chagall . I starred at the torn image , mourning my loss . In a world of constant conflict , I have somehow managed to stay free . Now , more than ever , I must nurture that freedom . Dream of : 17 March 2005 " Goat In My Lap " I was in an auditorium ( like a converted basketball court ) watching a movie . Perhaps 100 people were in the room , sitting in fold - up chairs . I was down in the front . Even though a movie was playing , the room was lit - up , not dark , so I was able to look around and clearly see the other people . Gradually I realized the other people in the room were gay , and that this was a gay movie . Mostly men , but also a few women were in the room . I looked at the men more closely . I couldn 't tell by looking at them that they were gay ( they looked straight ) , but I knew they were all gay . I was unsure whether the women were lesbians or just friends of the men . The movie ended and people filed out . I also walked out , still looking and wondering if I knew anyone . I hoped no one I knew saw me there and concluded I was gay . I would have to explain that I had never gone to a gay movie before and I had only gone to this one because I was out of town and hadn 't seen anything else to do . As we exited into a mall - like area , I realizI decided if I were going to meet a woman , I would have to pick out one and follow her around . I would have to find a woman who was alone . I began looking and worked my way outside . Finally I sat down on the curb of a street , still watching . A fellow ( probably in his mid 20s ) walked up and sat next to me on my left . He was dark - skinned and wearing a turban . We talked and I asked him where he was from and he said Pakistan . I held out my hand and told him my name . We shook hands and he told me his . We stood up and began walking . I asked him where Pakistan was . I was just being evasive - - I knew very well where Pakistan was and I even knew quite a bit about Pakistan , but I wasn 't quite ready to let him know that . As we continued walking , however , I became more trusting and finally I told him I knew a lot about Moslems . I thought I should have probably said that I knew a lot about Islam , because that was what I had meant . I thought maybe we could even discuss some of the finer points of Islam and I began thinking about a passage of the Koran which I had recently read which had intrigued me . By now we were outside of the town and were crossing a field . As I was talking , I looked around and realized my companion had disappeared . I called out several times but no one answered . Finally I turned around and headed back toward the town , but I took one last look , saw a black car in the field , and realized the fellow was sitting in the car . I walked toward the car and since the fellow was sitting in the front seat , I climbed into the front beside him . The fellow was in the middle and another man was driving . Two other men were in the back seat . They were all dressed the same ( with their turbans ) and they all had dark skin . Apparently they were all Pakistanis . Only after the car had taken off and we were driving down the road did I begin to realize the folly of my move . I didn 't know these men and now I was in a car with them . I turned to my companion and asked " Are you kidnapping me ? " He said no , but from the looks on everyone 's faces I knew I was being kidnapped . This was not a new experience to me . I had been kidnapped twice before in Afghanistan , so I had an idea of what I was facing . I knew if I wanted to escape , right now was the best time before I was locked up somewhere . We were still inside the town , and I contemplated jumping out of the moving car . It would be dangerous , but I was confident I could survive . I had one problem however : on my lap I was carrying a small white goat , a kid . I was afraid I might injure the goat . Nevertheless , I felt compelled and in a flash I flung open the door and jumped out . I was surprised . I landed completely unhurt and still holding the kid . I stood up and watched the car continue down the road . It looked as if they were just going to let me go and not try to come back and catch me . I began looking around me for places to hide anyway . Free at last . Free at last . Thank God I am free at last . Dream Epics Home Page