I 've read hundreds and hundreds of stories about cheating spouses . I used to put it all into the fantasy category of my mind . I always thought that it was the man that mainly cheated on the wife but I don 't believe it anymore . From my own experiences I believe that women have affairs as much as men do nowadays . Men seem to want a piece of ass , to put it bluntly . The old wham - bam - thank - you - Ma ' am type sex that the movies used to have in them . The men would go to a strip joint of some type , get horny , shell out a few bucks and then get laid and afterwards go home to the little housewife . Now , time to get some slack from the ladies . Before I go into this , I want it to be understood that all women are not like this . I honestly believe that there are a lot of monogamous , faithful wives out there who have no intention of ever cheating on their husbands . I do believe the number of faithful wives is declining . I guess that 's why I 'm afraid of marriage . I don 't want to fall in love and then have my heart torn out by a cheating wife . For the record , my name is Henry B . Hawkins . I live in Ohio but I travel the United States as a truck driver . I own my own rig and am independent and choose which companies I 'll haul for . I became a truck driver when I turned twenty - nine but I 'll get into that part of my life later . I 'll start this story with my life back in the old high school days . I was a jock and played almost every sport I could . I was in great physical shape and still am today . I lifted weights and did a lot of exercise to stay that way . I still have the six pack abs but , of course , because of age my body has had a lot of changes . I 'm not bragging here - well , maybe a little - but I was the stud jock . I dated a lot of girls and got lucky , both because of my physique and playing sports . I took my shirt off most every chance I got because I was proud of my body and I knew the girls liked to see me shirtless . Even though I dated a lot of girls , like most guys , there was one special girl . Joanie was that girl . She was the first one that I ever had sex with . I 've now been with well over a thousand women , maybe even thousands . I lost count many years ago . I went to college on the west coast . The name of the college isn 't important . I had a partial football scholarship . The school paid for all my study courses and books and some of my living expenses . Being so far away from home I found out I needed more money to survive after my first semester . Some of the other jocks asked me if I could dance . I laughed wondering why . I had taken dancing lessons as a kid when I was about seven years old . I took them for about three years but felt funny being one of the only boys in the class so I quit . I wasn 't about to tell these guys about that part of my life . " I can dance some . I may not be the best dancer in the world but I can move my feet , " I laughed . " What 's this about , Rob ? " " I know you are looking to make a few bucks . Bill and I are bother dancers . We do different gigs and bring in some pretty heavy bread . Have you heard of the Chippendale 's Male Review ? " " No , but we are part of a group of twenty guys who do the same thing . We dance in smaller clubs that can 't afford the big guys . We also pick up a lot of small gigs , you know like , bridal showers , and birthday parties and other events . The amount of dancing we do depends on our schedules . Are you interested in a tryout ? " Bill laughed . " Henry , you 'll get more pussy than you can ever imagine . After most gigs we have parties in our rooms and the women come up and we party . They pay us money while we 're doing the gig and then when we go up to the room it 's party time . You can have them alone or we all share the women . What do you say ? Want to try out ? One phone call is all it takes . Julie , our agent , takes care of everything . " Damn , I couldn 't believe what I was hearing ; pussy galore and money too . Rob made the call and I had an interview with Julie the following day . She was an older , good looking , woman in her forties . I found out later that she was divorced and had a daughter that was still in high school . She was all business . She put on some music and told me to start dancing . I started out kind of shy and she told me to gyrate more and to move my ass . She wanted more pelvic thrusts ; she said it brought in more money . When I finished dancing she told me she liked what she saw and sat down and explained the rules . She had contracts and everything to make it legal . I was twenty at the time and it bothered her some . I had to sign a form stating that I would not drink alcoholic beverages due to my age . She gave me a couple of tapes to listen to and told me to practice dancing to them . They had a gig the following weekend . It was a pretty good size one and would be easier on me since she would have about ten guys in the review . I was excited when the time came . I was nervous and had some stage fright . We all had some rather small costumes and we were to strip down to pretty much a g - string with kind of a cock - sac attached so our jewels wouldn 't fall out . I was the only guy who wasn 't twenty - one yet so I got razzed quite a bit because of it . We all had our bodies oiled down so we would glisten . Julie told me I would need to spend more time in a tanning bed . Tony and Troy both laughed about that . They were two of the black guys who came to dance at this gig . I was the eighth guy up in the review . Julie wanted me to watch the other dancers so I would get an idea of what to do . I was introduced as the newest dancer when the time came . Of course they didn 't call me Henry , for obvious reasons . A strip dancer named Henry just didn 't fill the bill . " Ladies , we have a very special treat for you tonight . Our newest and youngest dancer is making his debut tonight . Let 's put those hands together and welcome the new guy on the review : Billy Bob , The Charmer . " Billy Bob , The Charmer - where did they get that name ? I guess the DJ just made it up . I ran out on the stage and yelled , " Yahoo , ladies " and just started shaking my ass . Within a couple of minutes I was down to my g - string and pushing my pelvis at every woman out there . The money , mostly dollar bills and a few fives were put in a box on the stage in front of me . They didn 't want any touching during our performance so this is the way they did it . I couldn 't believe how great it felt being the center of attention and all these women screaming for me . I shook my ass for all I was worth and did so many pelvic thrusts , I almost dislocated my back . As I left the stage the women were still screaming for me . Damn , I never felt so good , but the best part was yet to come . In this particular bar / lounge there was an after party . There was a twenty dollar charge to attend the after party . Of course most women headed out but quite a few stayed for the party . The doors were locked . Once you left you couldn 't get back in . The lounge had rooms upstairs for the entertainers to use . The patrons who were all women knew it was mingle with the dancers ' time . Bill told me in advance a lot of what to expect . I really thought he was exaggerating about how wild it might get until they dimmed the lights and put some soft music on . A woman came up to me and asked me to dance with her . She pushed her body as tight up against me as humanly possible . I got an instant hard - on . I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs and she told me she just wanted to sit at the table with me . I looked around and all the guys were with different women . Some were there with two and three of them , dancing and rubbing themselves all over these females . The smell of sex was in the air . I took my gal over to a table , kind of in the back of the room and sat in a chair . I couldn 't believe what happened next . Instead of sitting in a chair next to me , this gal got on her knees between my legs and pulled out my cock and started sucking on it . While she was sucking me off another woman came over and asked if she could taste it . Apparently these two women knew each other as they took turns sucking me off . The night went on and I did have sex with another woman later . I was in awe for my first time outing with all this sex going on all around me . I had never been in that type of situation : women coming up to me and asking for sex . I figured the booze , and I did see some weed being smoked , made a lot of the women horny . To my surprise , the majority of these women had on wedding rings . Even though I was only twenty , I had a hard time understanding why these women would do this . Go outside of their marriage and attend fuck parties . It was something I have never been able to understand . I continued to play sports in college but I was usually on second string . I did give it my all , but my job - the dancing gigs - took a lot out of me . On my twenty - first birthday I called my parents and told them that I was dropping out of school . I know it bothered them but I explained to them that I liked the entertainment business and that I was making a great deal of money . When I told my dad how much money I was pulling in per night he could hardly comprehend it . I was making more in three hours of dancing then he made in a week . I need to say a couple of things about Julie . She was almost like a mother to us dancers . To the best of my knowledge she had never had sex with any of the dancers and she never attended an after party . She handled our finances and was the agent for the business and was great at what she did . If we ever had a problem , she was always there for us . I had now been in the business for about a year . After about the first three months , which was a kind of a break - in period , I was starting to excel in my performances . Now it was nothing for me to strip in front of these women . I can 't explain the power that comes over a guy when women are screaming for him while he is on stage . The after parties were great . We didn 't have them in every town , only the larger establishments . In the smaller lounges we would pass out a card to a woman if she seemed interested in us . We would meet after the performances ended and go to our room or to a place of their choice . I couldn 't get over how much these women wanted sex with us . It was like they were fucking their favorite movie star or something . The private parties were something else again . We didn 't make near the money that we did at the big gigs but they sure were fun . Usually there would be two of us guys . We got a couple of hundred dollars each to do a private party depending on the size of it . Of course they were much more personable and a lot of feely , touchy type stuff went on . Bridal showers and birthday parties were a lot of fun . These women would get to drinking and want to have sex . I mean women of all ages . I have been with women eighteen to seventy - two . I have had sex with more brides before their wedding than I care to count . I need to say something here . These guys that say all pussies are alike are full of shit . I 've seen so many pussies in my life and they have been every color from light pink to an almost dark brown . My first black lady 's pussy was the nicest shade of pink . I remember it because I was so surprised when I spread her lips before diving in with my tongue , but again , that 's another story . I was making anywhere from fifteen hundred to three thousand dollars a week . Back then that was a huge amount of money . I would send my parents five hundred dollars a week to help them out . I saved some money and of course spent the rest . Our troop of guys traveled from California to the Midwest . We stayed in some nice places and were treated like movie stars . I guess looking back at all the fun times and all the women we were with we would be considered gigolos or even male prostitutes by a lot of people . It wasn 't true . Honestly , we were just a bunch of guys that enjoyed dancing and sex . Our jobs or livelihood let us have all the nice things . We never forced any women to have sex with us . If anything , we were forced now and then to perform in the sexual department when we weren 't , let 's say , a hundred per cent due to a long night of dancing and sexual activity . Thank God we still had fingers and tongues . We wanted our customers or should I say patrons to be satisfied . We had a lot of return visitors when we went through a town or city . I want to mention one time when I was near my hometown performing . It will help explain why I feel the way I do about marriage . I was twenty seven at the time and my younger sister found out about our dancing engagement and she and about seven of her friends drove to watch me and my buds perform . It bothered me a little since I knew these women and dancing in front of my sister wasn 't something I was looking forward too . Beth told me they came in three cars . She and a couple of her friends promised their husbands that they would be home that night . One of the girls that came with the group was my old girlfriend Joanie . She was married and had a child now . She was still as cute as a button . I 'm not sure if I mentioned it but my sister Beth was married also . She had just had her second child . Before you get any ideas , after the performance I went with my sister and a couple of her friends out to a late night dinner bar . My sister did not , I repeat , did not cheat on her husband . I was glad of that . This was a somewhat smaller gig where the after party took place in our rooms for any gals that were invited . Of course I went out with my sister so I didn 't invite anyone up to our room . I really thought about Joanie and our first time together . I stood on stage in front of her and shook my ass . She was blushing . I wanted her to see that I really was good at what I did . I don 't know why , probably some kind of ego problem since she was my first real girl friend . After I said goodbye to my sister and her friends I headed back to our motel room . I could hear from the hallway that the private party was still going on . I opened the door and there on the bed was Joanie being fucked royally by Tony , my black friend . She didn 't even notice me when I walked in . I was stunned to say the least . I know I have been with hundreds and hundreds of married women but this was the first time that it was someone that I knew personally . Tony had no idea who Joanie was . He looked over at me and smiled . " Billy Bob , you want a ride ? I 'm almost finished here , just a few more seconds , " he said as he shot a load into a condom . That was one thing we tried to do most every time . We had way too much sex to take chances of catching a disease or getting some gal pregnant . Joanie looked over at me and my heart fell . I even saw a tear in her eyes . I had no reason to judge people . After all the women I have had sex with and so many of them married . It 's just that Joanie was from my hometown and was my first . I had to wonder that if we would have ever gotten married would she have cheated on me like she was doing to her husband now . I looked over at Tony . " No , Bro , I 'm kind of tired right now . I think I 'll go in one of the other rooms and get some rest . We have a long drive tomorrow . " I left and went to another room . About a half hour later there was a knock on my door . I opened it and it was Joanie . " I 'm sorry , Henry . I don 't know why I did it . It was just something that happened . You 're not going to tell my husband or your sister , are you ? " I didn 't even invite her in . " Joanie , it was a shock to see you like that . I can 't judge you ; after all , I do that all the time . The big difference is that I 'm not married . I 'm not cheating on anyone . I just feel so disappointed in you . I often wondered that if we would have gotten married would you have cheated on me ? Now I have my answer . No , I won 't tell anyone about what you did . Your secret is safe with me . " I closed the door and went to bed . Funny how it has to happen to you to know how bad it feels . I knew I could never get married . There are a lot of good women out there who are faithful wives but I thought Joanie was one of them . The following year my whole life changed . I was in an auto accident and broke my hip . I was in the hospital for over a month and I would have to have physical therapy God knows how long . My dancing days were over . I walked into Julie 's office using a cane . We sat down and had a nice talk . She offered me a job as a consultant and told me I could be a driver for the guys . I explained to her that it just wouldn 't work out . I couldn 't just sit there in a chair and watch all the guys dancing without being a part of it . Julie had tears in her eyes . I knew she understood . She asked me if I had any plans and I told her I thought about being a truck driver . I was so used to traveling and seeing the country . She wished me the best and told me to keep in touch . I knew that her daughter was now married and moved back east . I never did get a chance to meet her . Julie told me she was thinking of getting out of the business herself to spend more time with her grandchildren . I gave her a big hug and left her office . It was really a sad moment in my life . I said goodbye to all the guys and wished them the best . They were a pretty decent group of friends . I had to laugh when they told me that if I ever attended any of their gigs that I was invited to the after parties . I shook hands with all of them and headed back to Ohio . Here I was a man of twenty nine , pretty much starting over with a bum hip . I did go to truck driving school and got my CDL license . I used what money I had saved and bought me a rig . I was only going to do over the road driving . It was my way of being totally independent and still see the world . Besides , it was a great paying job . It was lonely at times but I never had much trouble finding companionship . I will tell you that , at this point of my life , I tried to stay away from married women . There were enough single and divorced women out there that I didn 't want to possibly be the reason for breaking up any more marriages . That incident with seeing Joanie really made me think . I decided I was a better person than that and tried to live accordingly . Throughout the following years I drove my truck across country and maybe spent a night or two in a particular city and enjoyed the sights as well as the company of a few of the ladies . Sex to me was important but since I had been around the block so many times , it wasn 't the number one factor in my life anymore . I really wanted to find that one special woman but I was afraid . My sister Beth was always trying to fix me up with one of her divorced friends . They were nice women and I enjoyed their company . I had sex with most of them but was afraid to get serious about starting a life with them . The dancing made me paranoid that if I got married my wife would probably cheat on me . It was just a fact that I couldn 't get over . I had been with way too many married women to think differently . I will say that I do believe I could be monogamous . The years passed and I dated but just stayed away from getting serious about any woman . It was crazy ; I wanted a wife that I could believe in and trust but my past just wouldn 't allow it . Every time I got close to a woman I took a long haul job so I wouldn 't have to face my own fears . " I 'm serious , Beth , that 's my problem with women . I want to find that special girl for me but I 'm so afraid of her cheating on me . I don 't care about a woman 's past but I would be very concerned about her future relationships if we were married . " " Okay , Henry , I 'll try to be as honest as possible with you . I have never cheated on Lloyd . I never even thought about it . I will tell you that when we would go out and men would hit on me , it felt good . Some even tried to touch me but I never told Lloyd . Not unless the men got out of hand . Most women are able to control advances . If we told our husbands every time a man made advances to us we would never have anytime to talk about anything else , " she laughed . " It 's a choice a woman makes , just like a man making the same choice . Some choose to cheat while others feel it 's wrong and don 't do it . Some women feel their husbands don 't show them enough attention and they go where they can find that attention . In most cases it 's from men that are just like them . They might be happy during a short period of time but in the long run it usually ruins their marriage . I just happen to be married to a man I love and he loves me . Besides , I told him if he ever cheated on me , I 'd kill him , " she laughed again . " They 're out there , Henry . I guess they say about forty percent of married people have affairs , so that gives you sixty percent that are monogamous . See , the odds are still in your favor . " " Sis , not to change the subject but have you seen Joanie lately ? I probably haven 't seen her in ten years now . Probably since that time you all came to the club to watch me dance , " I smiled . " Believe it or not I saw her last year . She and her husband live in Akron now . They have three kids . They are a pretty nice family . About six years ago , Joanie told me they almost got divorced . " " You 're right . Joanie found out her husband was having an affair and it about ended the marriage . They separated for about six months until Joanie took him back . She forgave him and they started anew . I remember when she was your old girlfriend . You two made a nice couple but I didn 't think either of you were ready for a serious relationship . You had to sow those wild oats . Joanie did a lot of dating before getting married . " I didn 't tell my sis about Joanie 's gang bang . What purpose would that serve and besides , I always tried to keep my promises . I figured that 's why Joanie took her husband back . She was no better than he was in the cheating department . He just got caught . I decided to drive east for awhile . I had seen so much of the west coast throughout the years . I was headed through Pennsylvania and stopped to eat at a truck stop . One of the nicest waitresses came to my table . Her name tag said Lil . " You must be new around here . I don 't think I 've ever seen you here before . What can I get you ? ' She just smiled and waited for an answer . I just looked at her . Something pulled at my heart strings and I had no idea why . She was a very good looking woman that I would guess to be in her late thirties . She had the most beautiful and sincere smile and a demeanor that felt so real . Her dimples just made me want to look at her . Why was I feeling this way ? Maybe I was thinking too much about finding the right woman . When she said , " what can I get you ? " My mind wanted to say so many things but I was almost tongue tied . " I know I will if you suggested it , " I said . " I 'm sorry ; I know that sounded like a come - on and I didn 't want it to be . There is just something about you and I don 't know what it is . I really would like to get to know you better . There I go again . I 'm sorry . " I couldn 't believe the way I acted . Almost like a kid trying to pick up a date . Damn , I 'd be lucky if she even talked to me now . She came back in a few minutes with my coffee . " Your dinner will be ready in a few minutes . You know what my name is . What 's yours ? " she said with that big beautiful smile . " I 'm Henry . I have my own truck and thought I would start hauling east for awhile . After seeing you , I wish I would have started years ago . Damn it ! I 'm sorry ; I keep saying the wrong things . " " It 's okay , Henry , I get hit on a lot and I know you mean it as a compliment . Maybe we 'll see you here a lot more often ? " She smiled again as she went back to wait on her other customers . She stopped back and brought me my dinner and later asked about dessert . I told her I had to hit the road but anytime I traveled east , I would be sure to stop . She gave me that big beautiful dimpled smile and I was on my way . I was trying to remember if she was wearing a wedding ring . I was so engrossed with her looks and personality that I never checked it out . I continued east to make my delivery . All I could think of while I was driving was this woman , this waitress . What made her so fascinating to me ? I guess I would have to find out the next time I went east . I looked for a return trip that would come back through Pittsburgh but there were none available . I had to settle for going to upstate New York . It was nice country but I didn 't see another Lil . She looked sadly at me . " I don 't tell most truckers this but my husband was killed three years ago in an auto accident . I wear the ring to remember him and so I don 't get hit on as much . " " I 'm sorry , Lil , both for the loss of your husband and the way I 've been talking to you . I really did want to get to know you better but didn 't want to make a bad impression . There is just something about you , like I 've known you for a long time . Maybe , someday would you like to go to dinner or a movie ? " " I 'm afraid I don 't know you well enough right now , Henry . I 'm sorry but please keep coming in . Who knows what the future holds ? " I did go through Pennsylvania at least once a month and always stopped in to see Lil . I tried to stop in at slower hours and she would stop and have a cup of coffee with me . I remember telling her that I hope she didn 't get into trouble taking a break and talking to me . Lil laughed . " Henry , no chance of losing my job . The older man that keeps staring at you is my stepfather . He and my mother own the restaurant . So , I 'm pretty sure my job is safe . " The following month when I stopped by Lil wasn 't there . Another waitress , who was nice , waited on me . I saw the cook in back . He brought out my dinner and asked if he could talk to me . " Henry , isn 't it ? I 'm Ralph and I did want to talk to you , man to man . Lil likes you . I thought I should tell you a little about her family before you get too involved with her . I know she 's thirty - six and can make her own decisions but I would hate to see her get hurt . She 's been through a lot the last couple of years and just starting to get her life straightened out . " " There 's a lot more than just the loss of her husband . She has two kids . A daughter who 's twelve and a son who is fourteen and in a wheelchair . He lost one leg above the knee and is still in therapy . He lost it in the accident that he and his dad were in . Lil has a lot to deal with . Brad , her son , isn 't trying to help himself out . He wanted to play sports and of course now he doesn 't even try to wear the artificial leg and it 's a lot to deal with for Lil and her daughter Amber . " " Ralph , I don 't know if you noticed , but I walk with a limp . I broke a hip a number of years ago . I thought my life was over . But , Thank God to a good woman who was my agent and a family who stood behind me , I was able to get my mind on straight and go ahead with my life . I 'd like to talk to Brad . I played sports also and there is a world outside of playing sports . Maybe if I told him my story it would help , " I suggested . " I think that would be good . What have we got to lose ? The next time you come through here let us know and I 'll introduce you to Brad . " " Don 't forget to tell Lil I was here . There 's something special about her and I really do care for her . The last thing I would want to do is hurt her or her family . You have my word on it . My dad told me back when I was just a kid that a man is only as good as his word . " " Your dad was right . I 'll tell her you stopped by , and I know what you mean about being special . It 's the way I felt about her mother when I first met her some years back . " It was a good month later when I made the call and told Ralph when I expected to be coming by . When I got there I asked for a table away from everyone else . Lil brought Brad over in a wheelchair . He didn 't even have on his artificial leg . Lil looked up at me hoping I would be able to help her son . " Mom , " said Brad . " I don 't mean to be disrespectful , but don 't you think I 've talked to enough people . I lost my leg and I know I have to live with it . I can 't do any of the things that other guys do and I 'll have to deal with it . I 'm sorry , sir , but there 's nothing you can tell me that will bring my leg back and make me a whole person again , " said Brad . I looked over at Lil who had tears in her eyes . I know she was hurting just as much as her son . " Lil , if you don 't mind I would like to talk with Brad alone for a few minutes . " Brad looked mad . " It isn 't fair . I was just a kid ; I didn 't do anything wrong . Now I have to spend the rest of my life crippled . It just isn 't fair . I wanted to play football , maybe even get a scholarship . Who knows , maybe I could have made the pros . Why are you staring at me ? Aren 't you going to tell me everything is going to be alright ? It 's just going to take time ? " " No , Brad , I 'm going to tell you the truth . Life sucks sometimes . Life isn 't fair . When we come into the world we aren 't promised that everything is going to go just the way we want it to . Everything is not dealt out the same for everyone . I 'm going to tell you my story . " " To help you , your mom and your sister and even your grandparents out . You see , you have to deal with the loss of your leg . What you don 't seem to realize is so does your family . They 're the ones who have to hear you whine and cry and listen to you moan about your situation . What happened to you is sad , but it happened . You have to get up and go on with your life . Something similar happened to me . I didn 't lose my leg but I lost my hopes and dreams and I had to deal with it . " " I was a teenager and I played sports , just like you want to do . I made ' All State ' in football and went to college in California . I thought I was really good but I couldn 't get past second string , so I gave up and decided to become a dancer . " " Who said you can 't play ? Granted you probably won 't win a scholarship but you can wear a prosthetic device and try out . You 'll have to first learn to walk and then maybe jog . Eventually you can learn to run . Will it be harder for you than anyone else ? Hell , yes , it will ! But you can still try out . You can play baseball , golf and swimming and bowling . It 's all yours for the taking , but you have to want it bad enough to try . " " No , I was in an ' All Male Revue ' , you know , stage dancing . I loved it , I was good and it was what I wanted to do for many years to come . The money was fantastic and I met a lot of different people . " " Easy now , Brad , we 're not going into detail here , " we both smiled . " The thing is I loved what I was doing and making beaucoup bucks doing it . Then one day I was in an auto accident and broke my hip . Instantly , in a flash my life as I knew it was over . No more stage , no more lights , no more dancing , my future plans all went up in smoke . I walk with a limp and sometimes use a walking stick . " " First I was like you . I blamed the world and God and anyone I could for doing this to me . My parents and friends stood by me . They listened to me complain day after day and did what they could to help me . My agent was a wonderful woman who helped me pay off the hospital debts and even offered me alternative work . All these people stood behind a twenty - nine year old man who had to start his life over . You see , Brad , they were in pain too . They were in mourning for me . " Your mom and sister are in mourning for you . If it would have been your mom or sister who had lost their leg , how would you feel ? What would you do to help them ? Would you close them out of your life ? Think about it , Brad . You have a family that is there to help you , but you have to help yourself first . Put on that artificial leg and learn to walk , then jog and then run . It won 't be easy , but you will find out that you can do almost anything if you put your mind to it . " " So why do you feel everyone is going to laugh at you ? Granted there will be a few assholes out there , but the majority of people will be rooting for you . I can 't make you stop feeling sorry for yourself . You 're the only one who can do that . You have to take the necessary steps to move forward . I know you can do it if you want it bad enough . Now what you say we have a couple of burgers , your treat , " I laughed . After I left , I thought about Brad and Lil . I hoped he would at least try and walk . When I got home I told my sister about Lil and her family . " Yes , but I don 't know what to tell her about my dancing past . What if she won 't go out with me ? I really want a relationship with her . I just feel she 's might be the one . " " Yes , I 'm sure she would never do it . If we got together I would want to talk to her about it . Beth , I really , really care for her . " It was over a month before I got back to the restaurant . I had a run to make going west . Too bad , I had to put off seeing Lil again . I could hardly wait for my next trip east . I finally got a trip to Pennsylvania . " It 's for talking to Brad . He 's trying ; he wears the artificial leg all the time now and is walking with a walker . I want to thank you so much , " replied Lil . I was as happy as could be . I looked back toward the kitchen and Ralph waved a ' hello ' at me . I was in heaven . I sat down and ate my dinner ; Lil hugged me one more time before I left . I was really feeling good now . I finally got a date with a woman I really cared about . I know this may seem stupid to a lot of guys who 've only had sex with a few women and can 't understand the way I feel . Throughout my life , sex was good . Sometimes it was really great , but I never had a loving feeling . Let me try and give you some kind of a comparison analogy . I remember one time there was this famous comedian who said he was sitting on a nude beach watching all the naked bodies walk by . At the beginning of the day he had to put a towel over his lap to hide his excitement , but as the day wore on he got used to the naked women and didn 't pay as much attention to them . Until , a woman with a low cut bathing suit bent over in front of him . He strained his neck trying to get a look at her breasts hidden beneath her bathing suit . It was the way I felt about women up to that time . I enjoyed my time with them but I was looking for that one special one and I believed it to be Lil . I knew deep down that I was falling in love with her . I wasn 't able to make it back to Pittsburgh for the next month . I had already agreed to make two hauls out west , the complete opposite direction of Lil . I decided since I was driving out west that I would try to locate Julie , my friend and agent . After talking with Brad , I realized how much Julie helped me out during those trying days after my accident . She was there for me and I don 't know if I ever properly thanked her for it . I went to where her offices last were and was told that she had sold her business and didn 't leave any forwarding address . She had left a number of years ago . I was down a little about not being able to thank her . Sometimes in life we just wait too long to say " Thank you " to people who have helped us . It 's what happened in this case . " Never ! You 're in my mind most every waking moment , " I answered . " I have a run to Virginia and I thought I 'd stop on my way back through and see if you still wanted to go on that date ? " I hoped I wasn 't throwing too much sentiment out there . I really didn 't know how strongly she felt about me . I didn 't want her to think I was some kind of stalker or , even worse , a pervert . At the same time I felt I had to try and hold my cool . Damn , this dating is a lot harder than I ever remembered . " I do . It 's the only trip going east with the companies I deal with in the next couple of weeks . I know it 's out of the way but I 'm willing to come back that way . What 's a few hundred miles when you want to see a friend ? " " Okay , come by around five or six and I 'll come out to meet you . We can take my car on our so - called date . I 'll find somewhere to take you , " she laughed .