Connor - How it should have been - Chapter 11 Wesley woke up to see the sun shining in the bedroom window . He felt a movement beside him and turned to see Lilah stirring next to him . He felt the usual mix of happiness and shame at the sight of her . He pushed the shame away and smiled at her as he brushed the hair away from her face with his hand . She opened her eyes and smiled back at him . She said , " Morning lover . " Wesley heard the water start , and he lay there thinking about the night before . On the way home from Angel 's hotel he had been thinking about Fred and wondering when she and Gunn were going to be coming home . He thought , ' They 've been gone for three days now . I 'm sure that means they 've resolved their differences . I should be happy for them … . I should be , but I can 't be . Fred should be mine . Gunn isn 't right for her . He never has been . He didn 't help her find a way to kill the professor , I did . He didn 't understand what she needed to do , I did . Why does she stay with him ? What does she see in him ? ' By the time he had arrived home , he was very depressed . He opened his apartment door , and saw Lilah sitting on his desk across the room . Since she had used him to get to Lorne , they hadn 't slept together , and since that was what their relationship was based on Wesley didn 't see the point of her being there . Lilah said , " Hard day at the office ? " Wesley noticed that Lilah had her hair in two braided pig tales . He had never seen her in glasses before , but she was wearing them now . And her clothes were less provocative than usual . She looked like she should be in school . Lilah used a bad southern accent when she said , " Isn 't this what you like ? A big brain in a tight little … " But not wanting to be stopped yet , Lilah continued with the southern accent and interrupted Wesley with , " Forget that witch Lilah . Let 's talk about me . I 'm good and pure and science turns me on . And some day if I pray really hard , and eat all my veggies , I might just have hips . " Lilah put her arms around Wesley 's neck and said , " Oh come on , do you really think I care about your little crush ? Moon over twig girl all you want . I know whose bed you 'll be crawling into at the end of the day … " Lilah kissed Wesley . She came up for air and said , “… . or in the afternoon . " Wesley was getting turned on , but wanted to deny it . One side of him wanted to push Lilah out the door , but the other part wanted to pull her to the couch with him . He said , " You think you know me so well ? " Wesley knew she was being completely honest with that sentence , and he knew it was true . Lilah did know more about his dark side than his other friends , and she lusted after him because of it . He thought about Fred and how she didn 't love him , and he snapped . He pulled Lilah to him for a crushing possessive kiss . He pulled her with him to the couch still kissing . He sat and pulled her down to straddle his lap . He pushed her skirt all the way up , and started to unbutton his pants . Lilah was smiling with lust and victory as she pulled off the glasses . Wesley stilled and was deadly serious when he said , " Leave them on . " Wesley 's thoughts of last night were interrupted when he heard the water turn off in the bathroom . He rolled out of bed too and gathered up clothes . They had been together often enough to know each other 's routines , so while Lilah was fixing her hair and brushing her teeth , Wesley showered . Soon they were both sipping coffee . Lilah looked at her watch and said , " I 've got to go . " She put her coffee down and picked up her bag with yesterday 's clothes in it . She went to Wesley and gave him a long kiss before going out the door . Wesley shook his head and said to the empty room , " Not the worst way to start the day . " Wesley finished his coffee and headed to the hotel . When he walked through the front door , he could hear the faint muffled sounds of yelling and smacking . He had heard them before , and wondered what Connor had done this time . Then he saw Gunn standing at the counter reading the paper and drinking some coffee . Gunn looked up and said , " Hi Wes . " Wesley nodded and went to the kitchen to get his second cup of coffee for the day . He walked in to see Fred making some toast . She turned and smiled at him . His breath caught in his throat at the rush of feelings seeing her provoked in him . He thought about Lilah , and how her beauty paled in comparison to Fred 's . He covered up his feelings as best he could , and smiled back and said , " It 's good to see you . How was your trip ? " Wesley felt crushing disappointment , but smiled and said , " Glad to hear it . " He walked over to the coffeepot and poured himself some . He said , " How are you doing Fred ? I haven 't seen you since … . " Gunn walked in , and both Fred and Wesley tried to look like they weren 't having a serious talk . Gunn went to get some more coffee , and purposely stood between Fred and Wesley . Fred , hating the strained silence , said , " Our hotel room was very nice . We were on the fourth floor , and we had an amazing view of the ocean . " All three of them were glad when Angel walked in . Angel looked and felt tired . He said , " Hey Wes , glad you 're here . I 'll go into more detail later , but it turns out Connor has been going out to see a girl . " Fred , Wesley , and Gunn stood there for a few more seconds , and then Lorne came in . He said , " Morning kids . What 's up ? " Connor got up and went to find Wesley or Gunn . When Fred and Angel were alone he said , " Hey Fred , I didn 't want to say anything while Connor was here , but I want you to take a close look at Julie , and ask her some questions about her and Connor . He said that he told her about growing up in Quar - toth , and that he told her about vampires . He said that she believes him , and still likes him . Now that may be true , and if so that 's wonderful , but it takes most people a little more than a week to wrap their heads around those concepts . And half the people I 've met are so good at denial that they wouldn 't believe Connor even if he were to show them proof . I just want to make sure she 's for real , and not trying to scam Connor in some way . " Later that afternoon after tutoring with Gunn , Fred , and Lorne , Connor went to find Wesley . Wesley said , " Hello Connor . No hard feelings about yesterday I hope . " " My apartment . Some of my guns are not legal , and I wouldn 't want us to be looking at them here in the lobby if someone came in looking for help . Then we 'll take a couple of the legal guns to the shooting range for some target practice . " Soon they got to Wesley 's apartment . Connor was surprised when he walked through the door at how much the place smelled like Lilah . As Wesley was getting out his guns Connor said , " Why do you like her ? " They stood in silence for a while . Then Wesley said , " I don 't really like her . Well , that 's not entirely true . I like her sometimes , and there are some parts of her that I have grown to love , but I don 't trust her . And the side of me that she likes I don 't usually like in myself . " Connor nodded . They stood there in silence for a few minutes while Wesley thought about what he had just said . Connor eventually said , " Should we get started ? " By the end of the afternoon Wesley was confident that Connor knew enough about various guns that he wouldn 't have any trouble knowing how to use one , or how to disable one . That evening things were quiet . Fred had Connor mop the lobby floor for his hour with her , and while he worked she asked him all kinds of questions about Julie . Connor was embarrassed at how happy Fred seemed to be about the whole thing , and he answered her with as few words as possible . Once he was done with Fred , he was dreading finding Gunn and having to go over it all again , but went to find him anyway . Connor found Gunn watching some baseball on TV . Connor said , " Hey Gunn . I 'm done with Fred . What do you want me to do . " Connor was relieved when Gunn just stayed in front of the TV and didn 't come to ask him more embarrassing questions about Julie . When he was done he found Gunn again . Gunn was now flipping channels . Connor sat next to him and said , " I 'm done , and there 's still half an hour left . " Connor tried not to groan and waited for Gunn to start asking the questions . But to his surprise Gunn said , " If you ever have questions , or want to talk to someone about it , but you 're too embarrassed to talk to your Dad , you can come to me . You can ask me anything you like , and I 'll be straight with you . And I completely understand if you don 't want to talk about it . " " I don 't mind you seeing her , but I do mind you going off and not telling me . So you 'll have to make new arrangements for seeing her . No more leaving to see her when you should be sleeping . Get her phone number , and give her ours so that you can call her and set up times to go see her when you 're both awake and not busy . " The next morning Fred drove Connor over to see Julie . It actually was slower than when he ran because of traffic . On the way there Connor said , " Julie won 't be expecting you , so do you think you could meet us in the coffee shop . You know , to give me a chance to explain . " Connor said , " Yeah . I didn 't say so before , but I 'm sorry that I ditched you that day . I should have stayed with you to see the professor . " Connor ran to Julie 's dorm room and knocked on the door . Julie opened the door and said , " Hi . I 'm glad you 're here . I was worried you weren 't coming . " Julie pulled Connor 's hand and started them walking towards the bookstore . Connor was a little unhappy that Julie was so excited to see Fred . He wanted Julie to be his friend or maybe more than a friend , but he didn 't necessarily want Julie to be friends with everyone in the hotel . On the way Connor said , " Hey , could I ask you a favor ? " Julie frowned and thought about it the rest of the walk . They arrived at the coffee shop , and they ordered some drinks . Once they got their drinks Connor and Julie went over to the table Fred was at . Fred had already gotten a coffee , and had been watching them . She noticed right away that they were holding hands when they came in . Fred thought it was cute . When they got to the table Fred smiled and said , " Hi , I 'm Fred . " Julie told Fred about her classes . Soon Fred realized that when she was going to college there , she had taken a class from one of Julie 's favorite professors , and they talked about him for a while . Connor sat there feeling like an outsider while they talked about school . Then when that subject had been talked out there was a lull in the conversation , and Julie said , " I read all about you and the other girls that disappeared on Freddie 's website . " Fred said , " I suppose I can see that . I mean , when I was younger I never imagined this kind of thing was real , but I think I would have found it exciting if I hadn 't learned about it the way I did . Sometimes I still get kind of excited when we see something new , like a demon that hasn 't been documented . " Julie nodded and looked away . No one said anything for a few seconds , and Fred thought something was off , because Julie had been quite a chatterbox so far . Connor wanting to get the conversation away from vampires said , " Hey Julie , I know I 've been meeting you in the mornings , but I can 't keep doing that . Because of the work my dad and the other 's do we keep odd hours , and usually I don 't get up until about ten , so I 've been getting pretty tired . " Julie put a hand over his and said , " You should have said something . We don 't have to see each other in the morning . I 'm usually done with classes around four , so anytime between then and midnight would be good for me . " Julie got a napkin from off the table and got a pen out of her purse . She wrote down her number and gave it to Connor . She said , " Can I have yours too ? " He wrote his on a napkin too , and gave it to her . Then he said , " I guess Fred and I should get going . " Julie smiled and said , " Okay . Do you have time to walk me home like usual ? " Julie and Connor walked back to her room , and on the way Julie talked about how nice Fred was , and how she would like to meet the rest of Connor 's friends . When they got to her room Connor leaned down and kissed her for a few minutes before letting her go . When he was done he said , " I 'll call you around four tomorrow , and we can make plans for tomorrow night if you want . " When they got back to the hotel Connor did his tutoring with Fred first since they were both up . Then when Wesley arrived , Connor did tutoring with him while Fred talked to Angel . She gave a glowing report about Julie , and Angel was a little less worried , but still knew he wouldn 't be all the way happy until he met her himself . The rest of the day went pretty normally for Connor . He did his tutoring , and his hours with Fred and Gunn . After dinner he did some training with Angel . While they were practicing some hand to hand combat Angel said , " So , was it horrible to have Fred meet Julie ? " " Well , I don 't really want to but Fred invited her , and Julie wants to , so I guess I can bring her by tomorrow after we go out . She asked if it would be like a date … isn 't that a sticky fruit ? I think I 've had some . Why would going out be like fruit ? " Angel was so busy laughing he didn 't block Connor 's punch , and took a hit in the stomach . Connor was pleased that he got in a punch , but then looked at his dad 's face and saw he was laughing too hard to talk . Connor said , " What ? " Angel stopped laughing with effort and said , " Sorry . The word date has more than one meaning . There is a fruit called a date , but date also means two people who are attracted to each other going out together to get to know each other better . There 's also the date on the calendar . " " I thought about that . Wesley always shows me what the date is on the calendar , but that didn 't seem to make sense . I thought it was one of those weird phrases that never seem to make sense when I first hear them . Like ' hold your horses ' or ' don 't have a cow ' . " Connor had gotten a little more comfortable with the fact that everyone knew about Julie , and that they were going to let him keep seeing her , so he said , " Yeah I do . It 's so coincidental that she was there to see Fred when the portal opened . It 's like … . destiny . " Angel got a vision of Spike saying something similar about Drusila and had to laugh again . Connor was even angrier this time and started to walk up the stairs and away from Angel . Angel said , " I 'm sorry Connor . Don 't go . I didn 't mean to laugh at you , it 's just that you sounded a lot like someone I used to know . " Angel knew he hadn 't been very nice and let him go . Fifteen minutes later Angel went to find Connor in his room doing homework . Angel said , " Hey Connor , I wanted to say I 'm sorry again . " " Yes it does . It matters because you were opening up to me and I shut you out by laughing . How about if I try and make it up to you by telling you about the person you reminded me of . " Angel thought , ' How do I explain to my eighteen - year - old son that I slept with a girl who was barely seventeen ? Then I have to explain that I 'm still in love with her but can 't be with her . Then we have to go into the whole Angelus coming out and trying to kill her thing . ' The next day Connor kept watching the clock waiting for four o ' clock to roll around . When it was three , he was done with all his tutoring , and he went to find Angel . Angel was in his office and looked up when Connor came in . Connor said , " Hey . I 'm gonna call Julie in an hour , and I was going to ask her to see a movie tonight . " Angel pulled out a couple more twenties and said , " We 'll have to teach you how to drive soon , and get you your drivers license . For now take a cab . Do you know how to do that ? " Angel got the phone book and wrote down a number for Connor on one of his business cards . He said , " Just call this number and tell them the address you 're at , and they 'll come get you , and drive you where you want to go . They charge you by the mile , and you should give them a little more money then it actually costs for a tip . " Connor called Julie right at four o ' clock and set up a date for eight that night . He finished up his hours with Fred and Gunn before he left . Connor ran to pick up Julie . He knocked on her door and when she answered , he just stood there staring for a few seconds . She had on a tight green top that exposed her midriff and a short black skirt that showed off her legs . Connor couldn 't think of much of anything while he stared at her . She smiled and said , " I thought I should dress up for our first real date . " They called the cab , and looked at movie times on the internet while they waited . Things went well at the movies , and when they were getting ready to call the cab to leave Julie said , " I had a really good time Connor . Thanks for taking me . " Connor and Julie arrived at the hotel half an hour later . Connor went in and kept a hand on Julie 's hand . He yelled out , " Hello . Anyone here ? " " Fred and Gunn decided to go on a date too . Wesley already went home , and Lorne … Lorne went to kareoke night at the bar down the street . " Angel shuddered at that last one . Connor frowned and said , " Oh well , I brought Julie to meet everyone , but I guess she just gets to meet you . " Angel smiled and shook her hand . He said , " It 's Angel , and it 's nice to meet you too . Did you kids have a good time ? " Connor closed his eyes and shook his head at his luck . He looked behind him to see Angel who had lost his smile , and had one eyebrow up questioningly . Julie said , " Connor ? " Connor didn 't reply . As Connor opened the door for Julie she whispered , " And he looks so young . He must have been a teenager when you were borne . " Angel could just make out Connor 's reply of , " He 's older than he looks . And besides in this dimension , it 's only been seven months since I was born . " before they were out of range . The whole way back to Julie 's place Connor was distracted and didn 't talk much . When they got to Julie 's dorm Connor forgot to pay the cab driver until the guy yelled at him . Julie was able to distract him for a few seconds with a long kiss , but then she said goodnight , and Connor was alone . He decided to walk back to the hotel instead of taking a cab or running . He thought , ' If I walk really slowly , it might take me an hour to get back . And hey if I get attacked and have to kill something along the way , well that won 't be my fault . ' An hour later he was standing outside the hotel , and thinking about trying to sneak in his window . After another five minutes of thinking about it , he took a deep breath and went through the front door . Angel went to his office door as soon as he heard the hotel door open . Angel leaned against the office doorframe with his arms crossed and looked at Connor expectantly . Connor sighed and said , " I had to show her . She was walking around at night , and didn 't believe me when I told her why that wasn 't safe . " Connor got up and slowly walked over to the office door . Angel stepped back and held the door open until Connor was through . Connor sat in one of the chairs and Angel shut the door behind them . Angel moved the chair that was next to Connor and put it directly across from Connor and sat down . He said , " I can 't imagine that you went to go hunting at seven in the morning , so when was it ? " Connor got defensive . " At least when she was with me I had a good chance of protecting her . It would be worse if she didn 't believe in vampires and got killed walking home alone at night . " Angel sighed . " If you had told me the morning I found out you were seeing Julie , I would have given you a few extra swats , and it would have been done . Now you get a whole new spanking . " Connor just glared at the floor . Angel picked up the hairbrush that he had put in his office right after Connor had left with Julie , and sat back down in his chair . He said , " Come on . Let 's get it over with . " Connor cringed and undid his jeans . Before Connor could push them down , Angel pulled Connor down across his lap , and pushed the jeans and underwear out of the way . He started spanking hard and fast . Connor yelped at the first couple of swats , and then the thought flashed through his head , ' What would Julie think about this ? ' Connor bit his lip to keep silent as he felt his face heat up with shame at the thought of the girl he liked seeing this . He yelled , " You have no right to humiliate me like this . " Angel stopped in mid swing . He said , " I 'm not doing this to humiliate you Connor . I 'm doing it to help you . I want you to learn how to be a man in this society , and a champion . I have to teach you everything you need to know about life and this world in a year , and I can 't fail you . I love you more than I can put into words . I know you hate it when I spank you , but I also know that it works . " While Angel was talking Connor was listening intently , and thought about who he was when he first came to this dimension , and who he was now . His face heated up a second time thinking about what Julie might have thought of him wearing his animal skins and going off to take vengeance on a drug dealer because one of his junkies died . Or what she would think of him trying to kill his biological father . Then the spanking started again , and his mind was brought to focus on the reason for it . After twenty swats Connor was wiggling around involuntarily . He yelled , " Okay ! Aahhh ! I got it ! Owww ! No lying , and … . Owww … no hiding things ! " Connor was soon crying , and Angel stopped once he thought he had gotten his point across . He tossed the brush on the floor , and pulled Connor 's pants up . Then he turned Connor over and held him on his lap . Connor rested his head on Angel 's shoulder and cried softly while Angel hugged him close . Angel said , " I don 't know if this will help you or not Connor , but I want you to know that I 'm not going to be spanking you forever . I do expect that there will come a time , probably in the next year or two when you won 't need it . I kind of think of this time as retraining . Holtz taught you a lot of things that weren 't right , and I have to fix those things if I can . But you have to know that I hate doing it . I don 't like to see you in pain , and believe me , I remember what it 's like to enjoy watching people in pain . But by giving you a little bit of pain now to change your behavior , I 'm trying to prevent you from having much more pain later . " Connor was feeling better about it , and was extremely happy to hear that Angel did see an end in sight to this arrangement of theirs . He pushed himself off Angel 's lap and wiped his face . He said with some humor , " I would call it more than a LITTLE pain . " Angel laughed and stood up next to Connor . He put a hand on his shoulder and said , " Try a hundred years in hell . Trust me its a little pain . " The next day was Saturday , and Connor knew Julie didn 't have any classes , so he was hoping to see her during the day . He planned to ask Angel if it would be all right at breakfast . When he walked in the kitchen he saw Fred sitting on Gunn 's lap , and they were kissing . Fred heard the noise , and stood up quickly and wiped at her mouth . She smiled at Connor and said , " Morning . I made some scrambled eggs if you want some . " Connor decided things were definitely back to normal for the two of them . He had caught them kissing on more than one occasion in the four months he had lived with them . He smiled and said , " Thanks Fred . " As Connor was finishing his plate of eggs , Angel came in and gave everyone a short wave of hello . After Angel had a mug of warm blood in his hands Connor said , " Hey Dad , Julie doesn 't have any classes today , so I thought maybe I could see her around lunch time . I mean her lunch time , around noon . " Angel took a sip and said , " I guess . As long as you finish up all your other stuff sometime today it 's fine . And you should know that the first time you see her and don 't get all your other stuff done , you won 't be seeing her the following day . " Connor called Julie and asked her if she wanted to go out to lunch . She offered to take him to a restaurant that she liked which was right next to the campus . Connor did his tutoring with Wesley and Lorne , and then went to meet Julie for lunch . They had a nice lunch together , and on the way back to Julie 's dorm room Connor thought about how glad he was that Angel had made him stay at the hotel . He wondered where he would be now if Angel hadn 't gone looking for him . He was pretty sure it wouldn 't be as nice as what he was doing now . When they got to Julie 's dorm room she said , " Do you have to get back right away ? " Connor went in and stood by the window while Julie shut and locked the door behind her . Julie went and sat on the bed . She said , " Why don 't you come sit by me ? " Connor sat next to her , and she put her hands on his face and pulled him down for a longer kiss . Soon he felt her hand on his knee , and it slowly moved up his thigh . He jumped a little when her hand got to his groin . She stopped the kiss and took off her shirt as she said , " Have you ever been with a girl Connor ? " Connor stared at her bra and nodded . He let go of her when she reached behind her and undid the clasp . She took it off and he just sat staring . She reached for the bottom of Connor 's tee shirt , and pushed it up as she said , " Your turn . " When he got home Connor walked into Angel 's office and sat down . Angel looked up for a second to see who it was and then looked back at his paperwork . He said , " So how was … " " You mean like a sword or something ? No , but I can hear well enough to stop and get ready to fight before anyone could attack . She was safe . " Wesley and Fred were researching a demon together when they heard Angel yell . Wesley looked questioningly at Fred . She shrugged and said , " I don 't know . " Wesley looked even more uncomfortable and said , " We went over anatomy . He could name all the … . parts and their functions . He was able to explain pregnancy and what happens to a woman 's body . " " The reason for it ? I 'm not sure . On Quar - toth Holtz and I saw many different beasts mating . Usually the most powerful male was the one who got to mate with the most females . The females trust the strongest males to protect them and help them find food , and so they stay with those males . Sex feels good , so I guess sex is like a reward for being the most powerful male around . " Wesley said , " Or any girl for that matter . Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for the woman as well as the man . Did Holtz tell you that sex was like a reward for the male ? " " No , I just figured it out from watching things around me . Like Gunn and Fred . He 's the most powerful male of her species here , so she has chosen him to mate with , and he protects her . " Connor looked up to the ceiling thinking . He said , " I don 't think we ever talked about it . There were no females of my species in Quar - toth . I had never seen a human female before coming to this dimension , so why would we talk about me having sex with one ? " Connor got a serious look and said , " He often talked of his wife and how he missed her . He said that a man wasn 't really a man until he had a wife , because you have to have a wife before you can have a child to carry on your family name and traditions . He said once a man is married , he is responsible for the care and protection of his wife and children for the rest of his life . " Connor looked at Angel and said , " Yes . He also told me that the Devil was the one who allowed Darla to become pregnant . He said God didn 't think you were worthy of a child , and that 's why God put me in his care , to protect me from you . " Angel was getting more and more frustrated with the conversation and said , " How could you not question that Conner ? I mean you 've been here for four months now . I know I 've only been around for the past month of that , but haven 't you watched enough TV , and seen enough people to know that most of what Holtz told you was a lie ? " Connor got defensive . " How should I know what to believe ? ! Every time I ask about something that happened on TV Gunn , Fred , or you tell me it 's not real . You say it 's just pretend , and that those things aren 't really happening unless it 's the news or sports . And the only people I know are here . The only other people I meet are new clients , and all of you lie to them about what 's really happening . I don 't see what your problem is anyway . Gunn and Fred mate all the time . Wesley and Lilah mate all the time and he doesn 't even trust her . Lorne doesn 't mate , but he doesn 't have anyone of his own species here to mate with . You 're just jealous because I 've found a girl who wants to mate with me , and Cordy left you . " Wesley thought about it for a minute . He looked to Connor and said , " Have you ever been sick Connor ? Can you ever remember having a runny nose , or a sore throat ? Have you ever vomited ? " " The monster inside me that made me heal fast . He said it also stopped me from getting sick the way I was supposed to . He always made me fast and say extra prayers when he got sick , because the monster was too strong to let the sickness get me . " Angel thought about what he had heard . He looked at Connor and said , " I know I 've told you before , but I 'm telling you again , there is no monster in you . If Holtz had been a real father to you , he would have been grateful that you didn 't get sick when he did . I hope Wes is right . " An hour later , a fully informed and somewhat dazed Connor came out of the office . He went to his room and sat there thinking for half an hour . Then Gunn yelled at him from the bottom of the stairs , " Connor ! Phone ! " Connor felt a rush of emotions . He remembered how he felt when Holtz died , and felt awful that Julie now had to feel that kind of emotional pain . He felt useless , because he didn 't know what to do to help , and he felt angry that this happened just as their relationship was starting out . He said , " I 'm so sorry . Do you want me to come over ? Is there anything you want me to do ? " Julie couldn 't talk for a few minutes because she was crying . She said , " No … I … I have to go home . I 'm … taking the next flight . Dad set up the ticket . The cab is waiting . I just can 't believe she 's gone … "