January 13 , 2015 8 : 30 pm / Leave a comment My husband and I just moved into our first apartment a little over two months ago . It 's a late - nineteenth century brownstown with most of the original brickwork on the interior . The building has been divided into two duplexes . We live in the top one and Enrique has the downstairs . I had asked the landlord about Enrique just before we moved in . I was just curious who our new neighbor would be . But the landlord didn 't know too much . He said that Enrique was recently divorced and hadn 't even lived here a year . His job , which he didn 't know too much about , took him out of the country a lot . And his two young boys visited him on the weekends that he was home . The first time we met Enrique was in the entranceway a few days after we had moved in . We were on our way in and he was going out , so we just said hello and exchanged names . He was a few years older than us and in good shape , and his brooding dark eyes brightened up when he smiled and shook my hand . I bumped into him a week or so later at the local Chinese takeout . We introduced ourselves again and chatted briefly until our food was ready . He said that he was recently divorced and had two sons who were sometimes with him on the weekends . I asked him what he did and he said that he was the market manager of a color company . " Well , it 's very demanding . I 'm out of the country all the time . Next week I 'm going to China for ten days . " He smiled again and held his smile a moment , as if he was thinking about something . And then his food came . And as he walked out he said , " Well , I wish the two of you the best of luck . It 's no easy thing what you 're doing , you know . " He waved to me over his shoulder . " I 'll see you around . " I thought he seemed nice enough , but wasn 't it a bit rude to make that comment about my marriage , as if he was some expert or something . And he didn 't even ask me a single question about my husband or anything . Isn 't that kind of weird ? I mean , we are his neighbors after all . But I guess it 's none of my business . Besides , he ordered Egg Foo Young . I didn 't see him for weeks after that , but I would often hear him with different women through the brick walls . They would be laughing away and carrying on at all hours with the stereo going , playing this awful seventies music . My husband called it his boom - chicky - wah - wah music . For days after that we would laugh when we heard that music again , and my husband would say , " There goes Boom - Chicky - Wah - Wah Man again . " Then , there was this one time when the outside buzzer rang . I ran downstairs expecting the laundry man , but it was one of Boom - Chicky - Wah - Wah 's girlfriend 's instead . I don 't know why , but I was excited to finally get a look at one of these chickadees . And I was thrilled to see that she was kind of shlumpy looking , wearing dark and heavy clothes . And as she shlumped up the stairs and looked up at me her glasses slid sideways on her face . But I was a little taken aback , though , because she was blonde and had fine thin features . But all this happened too fast and then Enrique opened his door saw me , and then she slid into his place . Then one afternoon when I was going out , I saw his ex - wife picking up the kids in her car . I was rather surprised . She didn 't look like the other women . I mean , she was fat . Or at least the part of her I could see in the car was fat : her face and walrus neck and slug - like arms . Enrique was leaning on the roof and talking to her while the kids got in , and she made some comment to him that she laughed at , and her pink face turned red and her blonde split - ends clung to her patchy cheeks . But Enrique only sort of grinned . And he looked over his shoulder at me and back , just barely acknowledging my presence . So I went in . Just last week , I arrived home to find all the mail unsorted in a pile on the floor . There was a postcard from a chicky friend of his from upstate saying she would be in for the weekend and would " love to see you . " There was an issue of Esquire magazine . And there was a postcard from the library saying the book he requested has come in . I actually pretended that I was Enrique 's fiancée to pick up the book from the library . I know , that 's crazy . But is it that crazy to find out who lives downstairs from you ? I mean , this guy could be the psycho neighbor you hear people talk about on TV : " He seemed like anybody else , and then one day … " Anyway , the book was nothing that revealing . Just one of those self - help type books by some PhD in something - or - other called " Coping as a Single Parent . " I didn 't even realize how silly it must have looked , me saying I was his fiancée and all , but as long as I paid my seventy cents they could give a hoot whether I was an alien . But you know , I did actually end up flipping through the book a bit . My husband would joke with me about how I was planning to have his children and then skip town , but he had no idea why I had this book . He probably figured it was related to something I had seen on one of those TV talk shows . I did buy a book once about the aliens who live amongst us , which nearly scared the hell out of me . But , this was different . I mean , I actually ended up feeling sort of sorry for Boom - Chicky - Wah - Wah man . After all , I couldn 't possibly have known what he was going through . For Chrissake , I had no more than only met the guy . We were having problems with our plumbing . The refuse from the sink was coming up in the bathtub . I went downstairs to see if Enrique was having any trouble with his plumbing and one of his boys answered the door . He said that his dad wasn 't there right now but that he 'd ask him about the plumbing when he got back . He couldn 't have been more than twelve , and I reminded him again to ask his dad about the plumbing . He just looked at me and said , " okay , " as if he wanted to be left alone to whatever it was he was doing . Knowing he was left there alone made me feel so sad , like I should reach out to him and reassure him that everything would be all right . That was one of the things the book said to do . He just nodded at me and closed the door . Some time after Enrique knocked on our door . He seemed kind of chipper , and one of the first things he said as he walked in was how much he liked the place . He commented on the exposed brick walls with the ivy we were growing on them , and he looked at me and smiled , the way he did at the Chinese place , that smiley - sort - of - look . It caught me a bit off guard . My husband showed him the problem in the bathroom and Enrique said he wasn 't having any trouble in his place . He saw one of my bras hanging over the sink and laughed and made a comment about his ex - wife . And my husband laughed and I blushed . He told us we should get the landlord to call the plumber and then said to me that if I ever needed anything else I should feel free to stop by . Then Enrique followed my husband through the living room towards the kitchen to look underneath the sink , and that 's when I noticed the book laying on the coffee table . My god , I absolutely panicked . My husband was already futzing about underneath the sink and Enrique noticed me notice the book , and then he , too , looked over on the coffee table . My husband made some joke over his shoulder to Enrique and Enrique sort of laughed while he looked back at me . Then he said rather sternly that he had to get back to his kids and had things to do and he abruptly excused himself . Anyway , maybe a friend of mine was reading the book and left it , or why the hell couldn 't I have taken it out of the library myself , by chance , or who knows . There was nothing for him to go on up here . " Things to do . " Christ . We all know what that means . Later that night after the plumber had left , we were watching TV and Boom - Chicky - Wah - Wah man was playing his music and everything seemed back to normal around here . The telephone rang . I figured it was the plumber or the landlord checking up on us , but when I picked up the receiver there was no answer . So , I said , " hello ? " a second time , and then waited . September 6 , 2013 6 : 41 pm / Leave a comment Let me tell you about my older half sister Rachel . Rachel is Sybil and Dads old kid . Dad left Sybil because she was a drunk and then he met Mom and had me . Rachel is going to be sixteen on Tuesday but we 're having the party this Saturday in our new basement . Dad said he 'd let me go to the party if I get an A on my algebra test tomorrow . I 'm not going to get an A because now I 've got all this stuff on my mind to worry about . And tomorrow 's Thursday . And I hate Thursdays because you 're always thinking about Fridays . And they say it 's gonna rain tomorrow , too . God , seventh grade sucks . But he 'll let me go to the party anyway . Dad always makes these threats but he 's really not too hard about them . Though he did punish me last Saturday for ripping my shirt playing football . But it was no big deal . He said I couldn 't go to the movies with Scott that night . I went anyway . I can climb out my window using the tree in the yard . It 's got this one great branch that passes just within reach of the sill . He 's never caught me yet . But the movie ended up sucking . It figures . Rachel is usually the one who gets the raw end of the deal . Like last night . She was on the phone with Bob when she was supposed to be asleep , and Bob 's twenty . Scott told me that Tracy ( Tracy is Scott 's older sister , who goes to the same high school as Rachel ) saw Bob dealing drugs in the school park . My sister 's a druggie . I could hear her talking through the wall , the way she always talks to guys , laughing at the all the stupid things they say . I was still awake beating off so I was listening real good so I wouldn 't get caught . Then I heard Dad come up the stairs . I could tell it was Dad cause he always walks extra soft when he comes up here , but he always ends up creaking the top two stairs . It 's so funny that he hasn 't figured out yet to just step over them . Dad sometimes comes up and checks on us late at night . He usually peeps in my room first and then goes back to Rachel 's room when he thinks I 'm asleep . I can never really hear what goes on in there , but you could bet that Rachel is gettin ' it real good if Dad 's got to talk to her at that hour . But last night he just stopped outside Rachel 's door . She was so busy giggling she had no idea he was there . It was so funny , both of us listening like that and only me knowing what was going on . Rachel said , " Oh shit , Bob I 've gotto , " but Dad disconnected the phone from the wall before she could finish . He closed the door behind him and walked over to her bed . Then Dad said in his pretty serious voice , " You shouldn 't be up so late playing games when everyone else is asleep . " " Don 't act like you don 't know what I 'm talkin ' about , " Dad said . " Games ! " he shouted . " Games with boys ! And I know all about it , what you and your ' friend ' Bob are up to . Don 't think that I don 't know what 's going on here . " " What are you , too stoned on that dope your smokin ' to listen ? You think it 's all fun and games being a junkie ? Being a whore ? I 'll show you what fun it is . Get out of your clothes , " Dad said . " You can 't go to bed dressed like that . " So today I was real curious . I raced home from school to make sure I was back before Rachel . Mom was cooking downstairs and watching T . V . , so I was clear to go up and check out Rachel 's room . I didn 't know exactly what I was looking for , I guess that green leaf you see on T - shirts at the mall . That 's what Scott said it was . When I opened her door it smelled real funny , like something had gone bad . I wonder if that was the stuff . But no , it couldn 't be . Dad would have gotten it from her last night , and anyway , I don 't even think she 's dumb enough to smoke it in the house . Mom would have noticed , besides . So what was it ? It was gross in there . The bed was all messed up and there was clothes and junk thrown everywhere . Mom never makes Rachel clean up her room and she 's got much more stuff than me , too . That 's what the smell probably was , dirty underwear ! But I guess it doesn 't matter . If she was hiding it , I could never find it in that hole . And I knew if I asked her to show me it she 'd only yell . That 's how she gets with her stuff . But I asked anyway . When she came home from school she headed straight for her room , like she always does , and I caught her in the hall . " Fuck you , you pervert , " she said and pushed me . " Get a life ! What do you think your Mom would say if she knew what you just asked ? Huh ? " I knew she wouldn 't tell Mom but she would never show me the dope either . And why did she call me a pervert ? What a freak . I ran downstairs and told Mom that Rachel said fuck you . Mom looked annoyed and yelled for Rachel to come down for dinner . At dinner , Mom scolded Rachel for swearing at me and asked me what 'd happened . That 's always the way mom deals with things . Dad 's the one you got to watch out for . But if Mom 's real pissed she 'll tell Dad and then you 're in serious trouble . So I thought I 'd try to settle the whole thing without him . Bad idea . Rachel stood up and threw her napkin on the table . She looked like she was going to kill me . Then we heard Dad 's car pull up . Rachel calmed down real fast and sat back down . Mom asked me again what this was all about , but I didn 't answer . Dad told me to keep my mouth shut until I was spoken to . He was real pissed . Mom was looking up at him and Rachel was staring at her water . I knew this was going to be serious . Now I could definitely not go to the party , and maybe worse . So what do I do ? I get real nervous and like a wimp I panic and start talking . " You asshole , " Rachel yelled at me . " You 're an asshole ! " Rachel threw her fork on her plate and ran from the table crying . It splattered tuna casserole and peas all across the tablecloth and even got a noodle on my glass . I was shaking . I knew I had blown it this time and in the biggest way too - drugs ! So I couldn 't keep quiet now . They were going to find out everything sooner or later : how I knew about the drugs , how I was snooping in Rachel 's room . I should never have gotten curious in the first place . They even tell you that on T . V . So , I guess I figured to tell them what I knew right then instead of putting it off . Maybe I thought they wouldn 't punish me as bad . But I don 't really know what I was thinking because the whole thing happened so fast . " Mom , " I cried , " I didn 't do anything . I never smoked it . I 'll never touch the stuff , I swear . Dad ? " Dad was sitting quietly , fiddling with his dinner . I couldn 't believe it . He didn 't even yell at Rachel to come back . " But Dad , I was just up cause , cause I was thirsty and I heard something about drugs , and Bob , and I don 't know , then I went to sleep . I don 't know anything about drugs . I probably wouldn 't even know what they look like , I don 't think . " " What is this , Bill ? Is Rachel involved with drugs ? What do you know about this ? Bill ? What was going on last night ? How come you never said , " and then she stopped . " Bill ? " Dad didn 't look up . " Bill ? " Mom said again . " You said you were just getting up for a glass of water . How come you never said you went upstairs ? Bill ? " And that was that . I 'm sure to get punished even though I never really did anything . And there 's definitely no way I 'm gonna get to go to Rachel 's party now . There might not even be a birthday . But I sure as heck wasn 't going to study for this exam , so I sat in my room a while and played Nintendo . It 's so boring when you get in trouble . I could hear Rachel crying next door . I needed to get out of here , so I thought that maybe Scott would be up for something . I snuck out my window with the tree , no problem , and headed out . Scott turned out not to be around . He was probably down at the schoolyard playing ball . It was starting to get dark out but I still kinda walked around for a bit . It was real nice out . You could see the moon and stuff . I ended up losing track of the time and didn 't get back to the house till it was really dark . I came around the front yard to see what was going on . Maybe the cops would be there . Rachel was probably going to jail . Mom 's car was still in the driveway , which meant that she never went to her bingo game , and Dad 's car was gone . I was so busted . They were probably out looking for me . I was gonna get killed for this . I figured I 'd just give myself in now , so I walked in the front . Mom was still sitting in the dining room and Mrs . Blauman , Sam 's Mom , was sitting next to her with her arm around her . Sam was in the kitchen watching T . V . and eating an icecream . " Mom , " I was so dead now , " what 's going on ? I 'm sorry , Mom . I didn 't do anything . I won 't be curious about drugs again . Mom ? " " No , Kevin . Just go to your room and get some clothes together . We 're going to stay at Grandma 's for a while , O . K . ? Can you do that , sweety ? " I figured I shouldn 't ask about Dad . Maybe he took Rachel over . Anyway , I can 't imagine why we 're staying at Grandma 's . I hope there 's still a party on Saturday . Probably not . Not as long as Rachel 's still alive and causing trouble . September 1 , 2013 9 : 10 pm / Leave a comment I just spoke to Mr . Blauman . We chat every couple of weeks . He 's my gardener . I always invite him in for a scotch when he 's done in the yard . He smells like whiskey as it is , but I would never say anything . We usually talk a little . He talks about his eight - year - old boy , Sam , or a new gardening tool . Today , he talks about his wife Ellenor . I met Ellenor once at the pharmacy with Mr . Blauman . She 's in her mid - to - late thirties , average height , slender , auburnish hair , with green eyes , I think . And she has a cute pock - mark above her lip . I have to admit she 's quite attractive . I was surprised , at any rate , that she would be with Mr . Blauman . Nothing against him , of course . Mr . Blauman says that things with Ellen - that 's what he calls her - aren 't going so well . They 've been married six years and were together three before that . I asked him once . I offer him a scotch . He says that there are things , " you know , things , " he says . I don 't know . He drinks down his scotch and stares at the ice , then out the window . " Lawn 's lookin ' good , " he says . " Nope , " I say . " Still looking out for myself , if you know what I mean . " He doesn 't respond . I don 't think he does know what I mean . That 's a lie , at any rate . I was married once in my late twenties , but I 've been trying to forget about that for the past eight years . It 's funny how you try to forget something , but how in reminding yourself to forget you end up remembering the thing that you 're trying to forget in the first place . I think that 's right . Anyway , the whole thing seems like it was a lot longer ago than it 's been . But it 's been long enough , if you know what I mean . Mr . Blauman stands up . " Excuse me . I have to use your toilet , " he says . I start thinking about Sharon , my ex - wife , and then about Ellenor , what it must be like . I admit , I envy Mr . Blauman having such a wife as that . I wonder what they 're all about . I hear Mr . Blauman vomit in the toilet and flush . When he comes back I pretend not to notice . I would never say anything , of course . I refill his glass . It 's been quiet a few minutes but they seem longer than they 've been . It 's getting darker out . I wonder if Mr . Blauman 's wondering that I know he was sick . But it 's hard to know what he 's thinking . He sits there in his burnt green overalls . The disappearing sunlight strikes his long face . His small ears almost look like they 're moving in the shadow . He doesn 't notice me looking at him . He 's looking out the window , I think maybe at his lawnmower . I switch on the T . V . The newscaster comes on . The local story 's about some lady who set her house on fire with her kid in it . " It 's alright , " I say . I go to the kitchen to get a towel . I can still see Mr . Blauman in the dining room . He 's rubbing his hands on his face as if he just woke up . " I never thought that , " I say . He doesn 't respond to me . Mr . Blauman says , " On Sam 's eighth birthday I had a job doin ' some hedges . I figured I 'd have ' em done by the time Sam got home from school so I could be at the party . It was real hot out that day and I guess the heat just got to me . My mind was wanderin ' , or something , and I end up spearin ' my hand with the hedge clippers . Cut through a nerve . Was in the hospital till nine . " Mr . Blauman opens and closes his hand . I can see the scar . " Some birthday , " he says . " Ellen and Sam waitin ' in the hospital cafeteria all night . " " Yeah , " I say , " but shit happens . Shit happens to good guys like yourself all the time . And it always happens at the wrong times , too . Not like there are really any good times , but you know what I 'm saying . " I don 't know if he does . " Shit even happens to me , " I say , " but what can you do ? You try to forget about it the best you can and move on with your life , that 's all . " " Well yeah , if that 's alright , " says Mr . Blauman . I go to refill his glass . " I 'm O . K . , " he says . Then , the sports comes on . Mr . Blauman 's not interested . We sit through Cosby and half of Jeopardy . Then the phone rings . It 's Ellenor . " Is my husband there ? " she says . Mr . Blauman gets on and I can hear him talking from the kitchen . " Everything O . K . ? " I say . He doesn 't answer . We watch Jeopardy . I wonder if he knows that I heard him on the phone . I don 't know if he 'd even care . Either way , I would never say anything . " That 's Bullshit , " she says . " We 'll see about that ! " She hangs up on me . Ellenor has a nice scratchy voice . Someone might almost think that it 's too harsh sounding but I like the sound of a smoker 's voice on a woman . I search my pants and shirt pocket for a cigarette but then I remember that I gave that up eight years ago . " You make him come a couple of times and then you own him . " Mr . Blauman 's swinging the scotch bottle . He almost hits himself . Mr . Blauman looks at me but doesn 't respond . " Like a puppy at your heels , " he says . He looks out the window . It 's grown real dark . " That bitch , " he says . Then he 's quiet . He turns to Jeopardy , then out the window . " She said that I could never understand her . That I just sit back and offer my removed objective opinions like I know her or somethin ' . That 's what she said , " Mr . Blauman says . Mr . Blauman drops the bottle and then rolls off his chair onto the floor . I pick up the bottle and place it on the table . Then I lift up Mr . Blauman and drag him into my office . I lay him down on the love seat . His legs and an arm dangle over the sides but I 'm not going to bring him upstairs . I close the door and go back to the dining room . I remove the empty bottle and glass from the table and bring them to the kitchen . Now I can sit back down in the dining room . Jeapardy 's still on . I look out the window . You can see the sky and even a couple of stars . The tops of the trees kind of glow but I can 't see the moon from this angle . A car pulls up in front of the house and a woman gets out . She walks towards my door , right up the front lawn . The outside floodlights switch on and I can see now that it 's Ellenor . " Don 't give me no shit , " she says . " Where is the asshole , huh ? You 're gonna give me an answer , buddy , " she says . " His car 's out front and his lawnmower 's still here . " Ellenor is wearing tight red jeans whose electric blue seams gather around the hips . She has on a low - cut tanktop , which is slightly too short , so I can see the bottom of her belly . Her hair is blonde this time . She doesn 't look as good as I remember , but she looks good enough , if you know what I mean . " Well , Ellenor , " I say . " All I can tell you is that I 'm not a liar . You can check my house for all I care , but don 't you dare call me a liar ! " Ellenor looks surprised and waits to respond . Ellenor has been sitting in the dining room for almost an hour . Only the light from the television is on . I can see the split ends of her hair in it . She has already drunk three gin and tonics . Her nose runs a little so she keeps sniffing in real fast , which makes the pock - mark over her lip move . She looks cute , like a girl . She tells me that she left Sam alone at the apartment . Her arms are folded in her lap , the right one holding the left wrist . She tells me about Mr . Blauman 's drinking problem and how when he drinks he gets all deluded . She uncrosses her legs and recrosses them the other way . She 's wearing thin blue high heels that match her pant seams . She 's lookin ' real good . She tells me about the letter . " No , I 'm no writer , " she says . " But I create different characters to write down my thoughts for me , ya know ? " I don 't know . " You know , " she says . She lifts the bottle to her lips . " It 's easier to say shit when you pretend that it 's not you sayin ' it at all . If I 'm feeling funny , or somethin ' , I go to my characters and let them write down what 's bothering me . It removes me from the pain , ya know , " she says . " When you got your own private truths to turn to and you don 't even know what they are yourself , you 're not responsible for ' em , really . " I do know what she means , I think , but I also know she 's lying . " So , my husband doesn 't know what the fuck he was talking about , " she says . " He 'll never have a goddamn clue . " " Ellen , " I say . She looks at me . She 's chewed off some of the lipstick from her bottom lip . I can see red lipstick on her upper two teeth . Her brown eyes are watery from the gin so I 'm not nervous . I lean across to her and kiss her neck . She turns back to me and stares . Only the pock - mark seems to twitch on her face . I feel her leg brush against mine underneath the table . Then I feel a hand . We end up doing it right there on the dining room table . I almost think the legs are going to break off . The Price is Right is on the television but the volume 's turned down . " Oh shit , " she says . " I 've forgot about Sam . I 've forgotten all about him ! " She pulls up her red jeans and goes to the door . She waits there for a moment , then looks back at me , and then around the room . I sit back down with my pants still around my ankles . I hear her drive away . It was pretty good , I guess , but I guess I thought it would be better . I look out the window . I 'm not disappointed , I don 't think . It just wasn 't what you might expect . " Keith ? " he says . " I found this picture in your office . I hope you don 't mind me askin ' or nothin ' ? It was just sitting on top your desk . She 's real pretty , you know . Reddish hair and green eyes and all . " I open the front door and go outside . The outside floodlights come on . I walk out onto the lawn . Mr . Blauman comes out too . I can see the moon now . It 's almost full . There 's just a little piece missing that I want to fill in with my imagination . I try , but I really can 't . " Hey , Keith , " Mr . Blauman says . " You all right , buddy ? You should pull up your pants or somethin ' . You could get in trouble . " I just stand there looking up at the moon . Mr . Blauman looks up too .