One thing that stood out to me was watching Jennifer 's mom , sitting next to her . She is quite old … I think in her late 90s , and was just widowed this last spring . I can 't imagine having to watch your daughter go through the same thing when the pain of your own loss is still that fresh . On a rather funny note , we got lost going there . Twice . It was the one location we had been to several times before and yet , we still managed to miss the turnoffs . Zach , who is frustratingly polite driving most of the time , actually got honked at twice pushing his way into traffic trying to get there . We had to laugh . In direct contrast to Zach , his dad 's aggressive driving was legendary . He seemed to enjoy making passengers squirm and was honked at regularly . Frankly , we were amazed he died of natural causes and not a car wreck . We figured the honkers had his dad 's eyes twinkling with his amused smirk in heaven . lol . After the service , we went out to his Dad 's house , about a half an hour into the Hill Country near a big lake . The area sort of reminded me of the Sand Hills that are South and East of Hutchinson , and my Maternal grandparent 's home place . Well , except that there were gates here , but they weren 't to keep the cattle in . lol . Zane and Zach took a long walk around the property to really look at what Jim had done . Jim had designed a myriad of intertwining paths and " rivers " of rock . Zane wanted to walk the maze of rocks and so he and Zach spent a good amount of time just enjoying the intricacies of the landscaping . Zane picked a rock out that he really liked and brought it home with him . It sits in a place of honor in his room . Here he is showing it to the camera . The tree he was planting . When we were at the viewing one of their neighbors came over and planted it so that nobody would have to come home to it still being undone . What a thoughtful neighbor . Landscaping binds the generations together in Zach 's family . A lot of Zach 's memories of his dad growing up are going with him and doing landscaping . His grandpa also did a lot of gardening , grew an orchard , and was always working with the landscaping with Zach too . This yard was a challenge to him because he had never worked in this kind of environment . I think it is easy to see he was a master , and his yard was his masterpiece . I overheard somebody say that firepit was the first thing he built when he started landscaping this property . It is at the back of the property and opens out to wild land . It is so peaceful sitting out there . Most of Jim 's grandkids were there that day , so we gathered them up and tried to get a picture . The first pictures are before Rocco was brought into the picture . Sloan is the only one I see missing . ( in one of my previous posts , she is the one in the raspberry stripped Hannah Andersson dress , going down the slide ) A much needed night out ! Everyone staying at the hotel ( Jim 's sisters and their families and us ) decided a night at the Riverwalk would be good . All of us are from out of town so we don 't get the opportunity to go down there very often . The kids were antsy waiting for food , so I ended up taking a walk with Zora while we waited . Along the way she saw two girls playing with lightsabers , and she was really excited to watch , pointing and exclaiming " ' tar wowts ' " ( star wars ) over and over again . A few minutes later , we came across the vender selling the lightsabers . I didn 't have any money on me so we went back to see if Zach wanted to get them for the kids . Well , it didn 't take long and Zach came back with lightsabers for both of the kids . After we were done eating , we were still standing around talking near the table and noticed that there was a dance floor with rainbow disco lights swirling around the floor . We decided the kids would love it and went in , and immediately Zane looked euphoric and was dancing all over the place , with Zora enthusiastically joining in . Some of the adults joined in too and we laughed and danced and had so much fun . Then the manager came and kicked us out . lol . Apparently , you can 't even enter the building if you are under 21 , so we had to leave . Leave it to the rowdy family to get kicked out of a bar . ( totally worth it , by the way ) I love going out to their estate . It is so peaceful and comfortable there , and they have always worked to make it a place where people can really relax . It was a great atmosphere to sit and chat and share stories and memories . I think the playground area is new , at least in the last 5 years or so . The kids just loved it . It also made life a lot easier for parents because it kept the kids in the same general area ( particularly Zane , who tends to wander off if he gets bored or overwhelmed ) . They had a local restaurant cater , and had all the ribs , brisket , and some poultry and all the sides . There was enough selection that I was able to eat some of it , which was really nice . Later on , the kids all had an ice cream treat too . Zora and Brenna really hit it off . ( Hayden & Amber 's younger girl , about a year and a half older than Zora ) Brenna seemed to love being the older girl and telling Zora how to do stuff . I saw them holding hands for a while too . They both have strong personalities and seemed a good match . Zora also seemed to get along with the boys running around . My rough and tumble little girl . Zane and Tirza ( Hayden & Amber 's oldest , six months younger than Zane ) seemed to make a connection too . Zane even pushed Tirza on a swing . ( which made me really excited … attempting to join in play like that is a huge deal ) Tirza commented to her mom that Zane must not have realized she knew how to pump her legs , but she let him push her anyway … she is such a kind hearted kid . She seemed to " get " Zane more than a lot of people do . Today , Zora was going with us and Zane was being dropped off at the church . If you are in San Antonio , the Community Bible Church has a great Special Needs ministry , and they are the ones who watched Zane during the burial . The next day , when we pulled into the parking lot for the Memorial , Zane happily asked from the back seat if he was going " back to the school ? " . A sure sign of approval . I am not a conservative , by any stretch of the imagination , but the church seemed like a great church if that is your style of worship . We were there a few years ago , and the growth is astonishing . I heard someplace that they are now the 17th largest church in the nation . Anyway , we dropped Zane off at the church and took Zora with us to the burial . Kirsten 's ( Zach 's step - sister ) in - laws volunteered to watch over Zora and Rocco during the service . The other kids were all either attending , or still in school . I have never been to a military burial , so it was a new experience . I have also never been a person in the " sitting " area before . I hope it is a long , long time before I " get " to have that experience again . They started with three gunshots , one for service , one for honor , and one for something else … . I can 't remember what right now . One thing , without a doubt , even though you are expecting it , it is very startling . It very effectively jumpstarts the tears . Then they followed with a beautiful playing of Taps . When they folded the flag , I couldn 't help but think of all of the wives / mothers / fathers / husbands that have watched the same thing for their loved one . Including my natural grandfather . And when they knelt down in front of Jennifer , and told her the flag was from the president in appreciation of her sacrifice , I was choking back tears , not only for Jim , but knowing my grandmother stood there as a new widow with a preschooler and infant , and was told the same words . The feeling of it all being greater than this one death was overwhelming . I will never be able to watch a military burial on TV the same way . The solomn and magestic ritual of it all was so powerful . The service was ended with a short message , then a hymn ( I can 't recall which one it was off the top of my head , but it was familiar enough for me to get most of the verses without benefit of the lyrics , which I somehow missed when they were handing them out ) . The service was concluded with a beautiful doxology , lead by Jennifer 's extended family . ( a very musical family , blessed with beautiful voices ) It was hard , but as Zach said , it was harder the night before . I initially asked him if was harder because he had to talk to people , and he said that it was harder because it was the last time he would ever see his father 's face , and his father 's hands . It was harder because that is when he said good - bye to him . I agree . It was sad , and final , but the night before was harder for me too . Looking around that day , I think the same was true for a lot of people . The feeling standing there , after the service , was so odd . It was a beautiful sunny day and the kids were playing and laughing amongst the gravestones and along the road near the pavilion . Such a contrast to see them with the coffin off in the background and the adults gathered into little groups , all in dark clothes . For Zora , it was the first time she was around kids in days , and met some of her cousins . ( she met the other cousins at the estate later , when they got out of school ) . And a group picture . This is Jim 's sisters and their husbands , and all of the cousins ( in Zach 's generation ) except Jim 's girls . ( Kirsten & Amanda ) In the front , from the left : Cady , Mead , Sandy , and Joyce . In the back : Wright , Bob , Zach , Dan , Lauren , and Hayden We went back to the hotel to change Zane out of his formal clothes . When we walked in , I felt so bad for the sitter . She was used to San Antonio temperatures , and we had cranked the A / C because we were sweating when we were trying to get ready . She was freezing under her stack of blankets . We talked with her a while , and she said she would come to the memorial service to watch the kids again . After she left , we tried to connect with family to see where people were eating , but couldn 't get in touch with anybody . We headed out and saw a " Macaroni Grill " just a few doors down from the hotel and remembered that we used to love eating there in Wichita ( before they closed ) so it seemed like a good place to stop . We didn 't have any toys with us , but with butcher paper and crayons , we could entertain the kids pretty easily . It was good to sit peacefully after the whirlwind we had been through . Zach wanted to sit in between the kids and draw for / with them . It was so sweet . The server was great , and by the end of the meal , we were all happy and full . With the several servers we had met at the viewing , we couldn 't help but wonder if there were servers here who knew him . It was along the route between home and work and it was Italian Food . I 'd bet that he had at least been there . lol . We barely had time to shower before Zach had to leave for the viewing and the babysitter came for the kids . Kirsten had a friend and babysitter that was finishing up a Special Ed degree and had a special interest in autism , and she was happy to help out . She was great . She couldn 't get there until after the family viewing was to begin , so Zach went ahead with one of his siblings , and I stayed behind getting Zane and myself ready and waited for her . The plan was to leave Zora with her , while I took Zane for long enough to see the body , and maybe a little longer if he wanted to , then bring him back to the hotel to play with Zora and the sitter , and I would return to the viewing to be with Zach . I was still finishing up when she came , and helped get Zane dressed as I gave directions . I realized when I was giving directions that I never left the kids with anybody besides my mom , but I was too worn out and stressed to really let that thought settle much . We went to the viewing . It was the first time I had seen a lot of the family . Zane did pretty well , under the circumstances . He was a little sensory seeking … leaning , pulling out to swing when we held his hand , but overall , did really well . We slowly made our way to the front , and eventually , I had Zach take him up to see Papo , with me holding his other hand . We showed him Papo , and that he wasn 't breathing , and that he wasn 't moving , and that he felt cold and reitterated that it was because his body was broken , but his inside alive part was with Jesus in heaven and was happy . We stayed as long as he wanted to stay and just held him . When he started getting antsy , we asked if he wanted to go , and he did . As we walked away from the casket , he started tearing up . We sat down in a pew with him and asked him " What is wrong ? " ( we weren 't sure if it was too high of level question , so we waited a bit for him to answer before rephrasing ) He finally said " I sad " We asked " What makes you sad ? " ( " what " is easier for him than " why " ) . He mumbled " Grampapa - Papo " . We asked " Why does Papo make you sad ? " He said " Papo is Dead " . He got it . What a bittersweet momment . It was important for him to understand , and I was relieved that he got it , but so overwhelmingly sad at the same time . We hugged him , and then asked if he wanted to go back to the hotel to play nintendo and the babysitter and Zora , or if he wanted to stay here with us . He wanted to stay , much to our amazement . Minutes later , he fell asleep . Almost passed out he fell asleep so hard . He was all twisted up like a pretzel and when I tried to untangle him , he twisted back up again , so we just left him on the bench to sleep and stayed within visual range of him the rest of the evening . He woke up , almost crying , three times , I stepped back over to him , hugged him and reassured him , and he passed back out again . He stayed that way until we got him up to leave . As anybody who has ever met both Zach and his Dad knows , Zach looks astonishingly like his dad . We even heard Jennifer ( the widow ) , comment , in reference to Jim 's body , that " Zach looks more like Jim than Jim does " and it was true . I don 't know what the deal was , but you really had to look to see Jim because the make - up or something was a bit off . You could see him , and you could kind of see his father ( Zach 's grandpa ) in him , but it really didn 't look like him as much as one would expect . One result of the resemblance is that Zach had people coming up to him who didn 't know him , but instantly knew he was Jim 's son . A few of them didn 't realize he wasn 't the " doctor " ( Zach 's younger brother , from the second marriage … we had to keep pointing out Hayden to them ) , and seemed a bit surprised that he had another , older son , but everybody from Jim 's office and those he had known a long time all knew who Zach was . ( it seemed to be the church people who were more surprised ) . I do have to say , you know that you eat out a lot when you get waitresses and waiters come up to you saying what restaurant they had worked at when explaining how they knew Jim . That was sort of funny . His workmates were amazing . They stood and talked to us for a long , long time , and pulled other workmates over to introduce each other to Zach . All of them knew who he was instantly , and quickly remembered even my name " the other Jennifer Z * * * " ( Jim 's wife and I have the same name … which got sort of weird at times during the week because I kept hearing " my " name called all the time ) . It became very apparent that he talked about us at work a lot , and very little at the church . He spent a lot of time at work , so that felt really good . Heck , I even got baby gifts from his workmates , even though I had never met them at that time . They had many stories and fond memories they shared ( including that they finally bought him his own clippers so he would quit stealing the cake knives from the drawers to go out and landscape the grounds around the building ) . It was clear that they were devastated by his passing . Truly . I think they knew him better than we did , and hearing about him through them was so comforting . He clearly had a family with his colleagues . They also put a wreath on the door and took pictures of his office , and the building ( his dad was a partner , so his name was on the building ) to give to us ( and the other siblings ) . It meant a lot . There was a LOT of family there , including Jennifer 's family whom weThe viewing , over all , was very healing . We learned so much about his dad and were so grateful for so many sharing their stories . Near the end of the viewing , the line finally letting up , Jim 's sisters comforting Jen . Although Zane had changed positions after one of his awakening , this is the view of him at the end of the viewing . We picked him up and went to talk to Jennifer for a bit , then went back to the hotel . I couldn 't believe he slept the several hours we were there . This really wiped him out . Thursday morning was the first time we started seeing family . We met up with Aunt Joyce and Dan down at breakfast . We talked for a while , and when we realized they planned on making two trips to the airport to pick everybody up , we told them we would come along instead . With all of our luggage out of the vehicle , we had the back seating area free for either their luggage , or more people . They made a test airport run while we went back up to the room . Pretty soon we got a call from Hayden ( Zach 's brother ) to see if Zach wanted to meet with the preacher with the rest of the siblings , so he went with him to do that while I tried to settle the kids in . Zane was clearly agitated , but got a little better when I pulled out all of the blankets ( yeah for overpacking ) I had brought with us and covered the loveseat and made a little nest for him . Although we had been talking about what was going on to a degree , I still had to talk to Zane , more specifically , about what exactly was going on and what death was . I had to practice saying " dead " over and over again so I could say it without bursting into tears . He had a mini - meltdown and closed himself in the bathroom , trying to block the door , and I knew it was past time to have that talk . His body was broken and the doctors couldn 't fix him . When our bodies get a little broken , we go to a dr to fix us . ( then went through different people to ask " Is mommy broken , is Zane broken … ect , to make sure he understood the concept of broken body and not broken body ) In video games , when you die , it is a pretend die . You can start again and you are alive . In real life , when you die , you stay dead . You can 't start again . You can 't talk to the person , or hug them , and they can 't breathe or see or hear any more . They look a little bit like they are asleep , but they are not asleep . When you go to sleep , you wake up . When you die , you do not wake up . You can tell the person is dead because they don 't breath or open their eyes any more . ( again , asked questions to see if he was comprehending ) Inside of all of us there is an invisible part that makes us alive , called a spirit or soul . When the body breaks too much for docters to fix , the spirit goes to heaven to live with Jesus . His alive part , his spirit , is happy because he is with Jesus . Mommy and Daddy are sad because we won 't see his spirit for a long time and we will miss him being on earth . We miss being able to talk to him and hug him . ( again … questions to confirm comprehension ) We will be going to see his body . His body will be in a special box called a coffin . He will look a little like he is alseep , but he will mostly look different ( as it turned out , there was no question he wasn 't just asleep , and he looked quite a bit different ) . He won 't be breathing and he won 't open his eyes because his alive part is not in his body any more . His alive part is with Jesus . There will be other people there to see Papo 's body . A lot of them might be crying , or sad , and that is OK . It is good to cry when we are sad . We all miss Papo being alive , but we know his inside part , his spirit part , is happy and living with Jesus . If you are sad , it is good to cry . If you are scared , it is good to tell us . Mommy and Daddy will be with you and keep you safe and give you hugs if you want them . If you are not sad , that is fine . It is ok to not be sad . I asked him a bunch of question afterwards to make sure he got the concept ( as much as he could … nobody * really * gets death ) . I also knew that the only way he was going to understand what dead meant , for sure , was to take him to the viewing . Every part of my soul wanted to spare him that , but I knew that I had to . Right after Zach returned from his meeting with the siblings , we left to pick everybody up at the airport . They were coming from three different places in the country , but all managed , somehow , to end up on the same plane the last leg . Amazing . We exchanged a few quick hugs , got people and luggage arranged in the vehicles , and headed back to the hotel . It was Monday night , 8 : 30pm or so . It was the " witching hour " where we are trying to round everybody up for bed , just a bit on the late side that night and the kids were that overtired crazy they get when they need to go to bed . I picked up the phone , and a business - like voice asked for Zach . I assumed it was his work because they were starting the move from the old facility to the brand new ( in fact , not totally finished … some areas are still " hard hat only " areas ) and Zach is the go - to guy for computer stuff , especially oddball problems . Zach quickly went downstairs , away from the melee , to have his conversation , but that just " confirmed " my thought that it was work . I will never forget the look on his face as he walked the last few steps up the stairs back into the living room a few minutes later . I sit here with tears rolling down my face remembering it . He stuttered out that it was Hayden and Dad was dead , and was choking back tears . That is when the world started spinning . After holding each other for a while , I told him to call his mom and let her know . ( his Dad and his wife celebrated 30 years , so the divorce happened shortly before their marriage ) . For the next few days , we were almost always on at least one phone , but often two phones and the other one would start ringing . We have prepaid cell phones that had barely been used up until this week , but we had to keep adding money to keep them going over and over again because they were seeing such heavy use . Zach didn 't really start crying hard until he had to tell his mom . I was on the phone with Zach 's best friend ( very close friend of mine after all of these years too ) and was telling him what was going on . I wasn 't going to have him come over that late , until I heard Zach start sobbing , big heaving sobs on the phone with his mom , and Robert said he would be right over . It was so good to have him here . For a while we considered having him come along with us , but realized that wasn 't the best idea for us or him . It was nice of him toA few more phone calls with Amber and Kirsten and we discovered that nobody there had numbers for Zach 's Aunts , Jim 's sisters . They were considering sending messages via facebook out of desperation , but I told them to give me a bit and see if I could find them . I knew we had addresses , but when I looked in my Palm Pilot , there wasn 't a phone number there for Sandy . I started googling and came up with a number in the same town , with her dh 's name and called . Wrong person . ( that was fun ) . Then I googled Joyce and went to compare addresses , discovered I did have Joyce 's number and called her . That was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make . She said she would call Sandy . After a while , I posted on my blog . Much to my horror , that is how some of the cousins found out . ( it was late and , thinking they had gone to sleep , Sandy was going to tell them in the morning ) I think it was meant to be though because the chance of them seeing it when they did is just amazing . One or the other of us was on the phone almost the whole time until past midnight . I tried to rent a van , but the first one that was available was Thursday evening . We called airlines and quickly realized that wasn 't a possibility for us . ( besides the fact that there have been multiple stories of autistic kids being kicked off planes and I knew Zane was not going to handle a plane ride well under this kind of stress ) and I knew I could not handle it if that happened . It would break me . At about 1am , we realized the kids were still up and put them to bed . Our first big decision was whether or not to take the kids with us . At first , we thought about leaving them here . My parents would watch them . Since this family doesn 't see each other often , and Hayden and Amber were bringing their kids ( and the other siblings live in San Antonio area ) we decided to bring the kids because it might be a while before we meet up with everybody again . A few people in the family had met Zane , but nobody had met Zora . If anything good was going to come out of this , at least they could meet our kids . My parents immediately said that they would loan us the money we needed to rent a van , and mom said she would come up the next day to help me shop . I had an outfit , and Zach had work clothes and a sportscoat , but when I pulled the summer clothes back out , all of Zora 's clothes were bright and cheerful , and the only remotely sedate clothing was meant for cold Kansas winters , not warm San Antonio . ( it was still in the 80s there ) . Zane had some stuff , but needed shoes that weren 't bright green crocs . Both had outgrown their summer church shoes . We ended up getting Zane a sportscoat , which seemed appropriate because almost all the pictures Zach has of him and his dad has Zach in a sportscoat just like his Dads . We found some stuff on clearance for Zora ( summery , but more sedate ) . I also needed new make - up . I realized that most of my make - up was left over from my wedding . I would buy new mascara and eye liner when I needed to wear make - up , but I know the last time I tried to use the eye shadow the little sponge brushes literally disintegrated in the make up when I tried to put it on . It was time . Tuesday , I spent the morning trying , again , to find a car to rent in Wichita sooner . I was hoping for a van , but there was nothing . Mom came up and we took Zora and went shopping , and Zach stayed home with Zane , next to the phone , talking to family as plans firmed up and trying to get a car sooner because the viewing was moved to Thursday instead of Friday . Eventually , Zach got a Hertz agent to understand what was going on and they started working on their end to get a car into Wichita ASAP . We were willing to drive to surrounding towns , but Wichita was the main hub in this area for cars and nothing else was available either . We think they called down to KC and brought a van from there ( it had MO plates ) and they said they would try and get it to us by noon on Wednesday . It was clear they were pulling strings and really going the extra mile because every time they located a possible car , they would call to see if it was ok … the first was a 2 seater , but strapping the kids to the roof seemed like a bad idea . It was weird to go shopping in a rush like that , but we always feel so … I don 't know … inadequate , around that family . We always feel like the poor relatives and that feels really yucky . I know that we aren 't as dirt poor as we once were , and it shouldn 't have mattered to me ( and I am sure that it didn 't matter to them ) , but I already have to walk into that crowd as the fat one ( I hate how I look … HATE . IT . My hair is ugly , my body is ugly , and I feel so freakin ' frumpy . ) , and that couldn 't be changed in an afternoon , but at least my kids could look nice . I shouldn 't have felt that way . It was a fear that I realized was totally unfounded when I got there . Everybody was warm and welcoming and I knew instantly that nobody there cared one iota what we were wearing , they just cared that we were there . It 's weird what fears and insecurities come up when facing stuff like this though . Between the time we found out on Monday evening until Thursday night after the viewing , I had a total of * maybe * 6 hours of sleep . I found I just couldn 't sleep . I couldn 't even sleep in the van on the way there either . On Tuesday night I sent Zach to bed so he would be awake to drive and I stayed up packing . Packing was very erratic . I couldn 't make decisions and ended up packing pretty much every weather appropriate outfit we own , all of our toiletries ( including bandaids and some first aid stuff that actually came in handy ) and a very strange selection of toys for the kids . I packed snacks for the kids and even had stuff like spoons for yogurt and knives for peanut butter . I packed and packed and packed . You would think we were moving . lol . Luckily , we don 't actually own very many clothes , so it fit easily into the van . We went to Germany for two weeks with one carry - on rolling suitcase each , the computers in Zach 's briefcase , and my purse . That was it . We had enough room in them to buy several bags of stuff there and have it fit in our luggage . We left for a 4 day trip to San Antonio with enough stuff to livThe kids actually did reasonably well on the drive . Zane played his DS and Zora , somehow , managed to entertain herself with the oddball contents of her " sparkle purse " ( she puts helicopters , cars , dollhouse dolls and other odds and ends in there ) and singing at the top of her lungs . We stopped at fast food places with those play structures ( even a stand alone chick - fil - a … I had never seen one of those outside a mall , so that was odd ) and let the kids stretch their legs while we ate , and then they ate when we got back in the van . We also discovered a magical concoction of extra caffinated coffee for Zach . We rolled into San Antonio at around 3 : 30 or so , and it took several misturns to figure out how to get to the hotel . We could see it , but we couldn 't figure out how to get to it for a while . We unloaded everything and set the room up for the kids to be more comfortable because everybody was too wound up to just go to sleep . This is a post I had started , but hadn 't published when we got word . Because I am too OCD to just post it afterwards , I will post it now . lol . I gotta give mom credit here . She hates puzzles . A lot . And Zora won 't pick out a puzzle she can actually do , she picks out Zane 's puzzles ( This one is " Pintzets Peetz " , aka " Princess Peach " from Mario series ) . This one is particularly annoying to put together , so after watching mom try to patiently get Zora to put it together herself , I put down the camera to help . lol Then , as he often does , he asked " four players " , his way of asking if we can play video games up in his room . When Grandma & Grandpa are here , they limit it to Mario Cart ( or at least a driving game ) and we insist that Zora is allowed to join in , something that Zane isn 't thrilled with , but worth the sacrifice if he gets to play Nintendo with Grandma & Grandpa . ( Usually Zora is not allowed in his room ) . We are home , safe and sound . My brain doesn 't feel totally back yet . The kids and I all have coughs and I know I feel rather rotten . I think the stress of everything did a number on us . Zach thought he would go back to work on Monday , but we got in way too late . Tuesday rolled around and he still felt overwhelmingly tired , so he stayed home that day and mostly slept . He is back today . He sounds sort of wiped out , but plans on sticking it out today . I am not having a good day . Went to speech this morning . Couldn 't find one of Zane 's shoes , so we had to get him in shoes he isn 't in love with , which didn 't go as badly as it could have , but wasn 't without some challenges . I realized on the way to ST that the hood of the car was not latched down , so I had to drive really slowly ( which thrilled the people stuck behind me ) There wasn 't a good place to pull over , we were already late , and it was only a little over a mile away . He did ok during speech , but right after speech , when I was talking to the therapist , he pulled the fire alarm . I was mortified . Zane started freaking out and then tried to pull the fire alarm again to try and get it to shut off . I had to tell the ( student ) therapist to go tell the front desk what had happened so they could call 911 and tell them not to come . ( I once worked in a hotel that had a new , badly installed , fire alarm and I am very familiar with how mad fire and police people get when they waste time responding to false alarms . Especially false alarms for big buildings that would require them to call in other engine companies . ) We left shortly afterwards and I didn 't hear any sirens , so hopefully they were stopped in time . I think they still have to come out to investigate , but I really hope they didn 't roll all of their engines . Zora hid and wouldn 't come out until I started yelling , but I needed to get her out to get to Zane who was freaking out and starting to really lose it in the hallway . I got them both outside , strapped them in to the car , and talked to Zane about what happened . He was still upset and crying . I started crying . This week just sucks . It is only natural that we and our children find many things hard to talk about . But anything human is mentionable and anything mentionable can be manageable . The mentioning can be difficult , and the managing too , but both can be done if we 're surrounded by love and trust - Fred Rogers