This is a place to talk about someone close to you , about whom you cared greatly ( positively or negatively ) . The person could have died yesterday , or decades ago . The only requirement is that it should be someone for whom you grieve . You can tell us about that person - whatever you want - maybe the things you miss . It helps to give context - what kind of relationship you had . And whatever you feel about your loss - this is a place for that . Share Question The night my brother died I was supposed to be with him . I was always with him at these parties but because I was getting together with my ex - husband then ( we were dating for a few weeks , at that point ) , I said no and stayed at my lab ( I did research ) . When people told me of his death and how he was the only one in the car that died … I knew it could have been me … he would always take shotgun … except when he was with me … then he 'd let me take it and kick everyone else 's ass who 'd complain … I had a son born to me and he was full term and healthy . We took him home and he began to progress and life was good . After a while he started acting sick so I took him to the Doctor . The Doctor sent us to a local hospital and when they examined him they sent a helicopter to take him to Primary Children 's Hospital in Salt Lake City . I live around 35 miles north of there so I got in my car and headed there to be with him . When we got there he was hooked up to many machines and life support . They took me in a room and told me he had had an aneurism in his brain and that he was all but brain dead . I was given the option of pulling all the equipment that was keeping him alive . I asked family , friends and clergy about the decision but with absolutely no help . Not even my wife ( the mother ) would not help me and said she couldn 't make the decision at all . I asked that a drug that kept his heart beating be taken from him . I asked if I could hold him while he passed and they allowed me to do so . I held him for 17 hours but they kept coming to me and said he has gone but I knew he hadn 't yet . At the end he opened his little eyes looked right at me and squeezed my finger . I then heard the breath of life leave his body and he was gone . I shall always be grateful for his short life with me and I will always remember him . I have lost 2 brothers that I was close to and numerous friends and relatives in my 60 years . I don 't understand why my Pops death hit me the hardest . I still grieve his passing . He was 83 when he gave up the flesh and I was there with him at his last breath . It 's hard to put in writing the feelings that I have and wish to express , I just know that I miss him terribly . I lost my friend , crush , and soulmate just in one person . He died in January and a remember that day clearly . I was on his Facebook waiting for him to get online . After an hour of waiting I refreshed page to see if he wrote anything . I started seeing RIPs and I thought perhaps it was a joke . I called his parents to see and they told me he did die . I remember freaking out at like 11 at night saying " He 's dead ! " and crying . After going out for a drive with my mom , I stopped crying and started mindlessly cleaning the kitchen . I went to sleep at like 4 and woke up at 10 in the morning . I felt like I had been run over by a semi and I couldn 't talk the next day . I just sat at my kitchen table staring mindlessly again . @ JustmeAman I can 't imagine the pain . Know that I am reaching out to your in a giant virtual hug . Know that you son felt your love . I had a co - worker in my ad agency days who lived in my apartment complex and was my jogging partner . We weren 't best friends , but we were good ones , on and off the job . One day we got into a disagreement over a work issue and we stopped speaking . ( Even now , I shudder to recall how stupid I was . ) A few evenings later , I was out jogging around the golf course near our complex and noticed him running almost parallel to me on the opposite side of a green . I remember thinking how easy it would be just to cross that green , apologize , and jog with him . But I didn 't . The next day he didn 't show up for work , and when I got home , I saw several policemen milling around in front of his apartment , its door wide open . It took me two days to find out the details , but apparently , he had decided to take the day off without telling anyone , and sometime in the afternoon he dove into the swimming pool , suffered an aneurism , and died immediately . I 've never been able to get that moment out of my mind when I could have jogged across that f - - ing green . When I was a sophomore in high school , the person who encouraged me to write passed away in a traffic collision . Her mum and younger sister were comatose , her younger brothers sustained a leg and arm injury . Her twin sister , who had agreed to stay home and watch after their pets , was devastated . I grieved for a long time . The story I want to tell happened years after she passed . My computer crashed , taking all the letters we had exchanged with it . I was so angry at myself for not backing up the files . There was one letter in particular ( from the last Christmas we shared together ) that I was upset over losing . Later that evening , I picked up my quote book to add a comment a friend said when it occurred to me that maybe I had written her letters down in the book . I poured through it , but came up with nothing . Lurve to everyone in this post . Yesterday I learned a friend had a 5150 and I have been thinking all day how much it would hurt to have lost him . I can 't imagine . When I was 15 , I lost one of my best friends . She was an exceptional human being . Everyone expected her to be a star one day - she sang , acted , danced and was full of life . We went to summer camp together as kids , we were in Glee Club , and did school musicals in high school together . She was a year older than me so we never had any classes together but we saw each other after school and outside of school a lot . One day after school we were messing around in the hallway with her mouse puppet ( don 't ask - we both had them and often brought them to school to play with ) . I said something generic like " See you tomorrow ! " because she had to leave to go do some activity . The next morning I was in a good mood and got to school quite early . As I walked up the stairs I noticed people crying , many of them were my friends . I asked what was wrong but no one would tell me . After a few minutes , a friend from my class told me that Abby had died . She had gone snowmobiling with her dad . It had snowed the night before but no one had opened the fences on the trail , so she hit a fence ( it was covered with snow and she couldn 't see it ) , and apparently flew off the snowmobile and broke her neck . She was only 16 . That day was one of the worst days of my life . A few friends who hadn 't spoken to me for a couple years came to me in the hallway and hugged me . We didn 't have formal classes . A lot of us just cried . A few girls went home . Abby wasn 't popular , but everyone knew her . She was one of the schools drama kids and always had the leads in the musicals and plays , in and out of school . They had an open casket at her wake - that was probably the most disturbing thing . The body looked nothing like her . The worst part his , her parents lost her older sister in a car accident when she was 16 . Both children lost at the same age , both in tragic accidents . I don 't know how they carried on after that , but they did . It was about ten years ago that my sister called to say that my mother had died . I felt stunned as she was elderly but rarely unwell . I didn 't react as I expected to . I carried on as normal and went away that weekend as planned . My mind was filled with thoughts of my mother who had loved me but I didn 't cry . It was not until several days had gone by , when I was in a car park , just about to drive off that tears came flooding into my eyes . Not many days go by that I don 't think of her and though she has gone I feel she still keeps our family close and together . I will share one more story . I have many . When I was much younger I had a good friend that I was interested in because she was so attractive . We talked all the time and I had not let her know how I felt about her . She worked in a music store called the Hi Fi Shop . I had talked with her the night before . She worked all the next day and they were going to do some inventory and work late that night . While they were working two men came in and were going to rob the store . They found those still taking inventory in the basement . These men had guns and took the employees and began to torture them . I will not go into detail but her hips were broken as they raped her . A mother of a local doctor came to pick up her son and they took her too . A father of one of the other boys working came to get him and they took him as well . They killed all except one boy who they poured liquid drain - o down his throat ( the doctors son ) and the man who came to pick up his son . They had shot them in the head and kicked pencils in their ears . She died that night and I was sitting waiting for her to come home so I could talk with her . It turns out that the men were from Hill Air Force Base where I now work . It has been a long time since I thought so much about her . I really miss her to this day . There were three men because there was one outside on watch were put to death with a death sentence after about 20 years . So many of these stories make me want to cry , but I 'm at work , and I don 't want to face anyone with liquid eyes . But these stories are so beautiful . I appreciate them very much . His words were a bit slurred , but it was like always between us . His wife spoke to my wife and I spoke to him . Between his slurred words and my difficulty hearing voices in loud situations , I 'm not sure what we said , but I know it was great to see him . He 's very tall and I 'm short , so hugging him has always been a challenge , but we 've made do . As his brain cancer ate away at his life , we kept trying to go see him , but for some reason , it never seemed to be the right time , and so that was the last time I saw him . From all reports he became a happy person as he was dying . He gave up any anger and he seemed to know it is all just love , and that we are all like stars in the sky . In any case , if he had to die , it was a good death . We were out of our minds and into that other world where our bodies are pure in their relationship to the world . There is no mediation between us and experience . No thinking . We are right there , " in the moment . " As we crawled , I began to feel this presence come into my body . It felt like something was taking me over . Something was possessing me . It felt benign , and so I let it come in . It was a strange thing because it had no idea what to do with a body and then I realized it was a mud man . A man of red clay , except since he was clay , he didn 't move much down there in spirit land . So as he came into my body , he was like a baby , not knowing what to do . He could only experiment . The experience was intensely meaningful for me . I won 't go into that here . All I know is that it wouldn 't have happened without my friend 's help , and it is the thing I remember most when I think about what we have shared . He is gone . I have cried as his casket descended into the grave . I have thrown dirt on his casket . I will sit shiva for him . I will miss him . Something very personal that I thought that I would share with you all . You 're my family and I know you loved her dearly , too . I just sent this to my sister : A message board that I used to go to is shutting down this week . They said to everyone , whatever you posted that you want to keep , save it to your computer now , as it will all be deleted . That was where I went to write down my thoughts on Mom during her last month . I 'm keeping them for myself , and I know it will be too hard for you to read right now , but , perhaps , later , you could read them . Hey , girls , I need your prayers right now . Just found out a few minutes ago that my Mom , who we thought was sick with pneumonia has Non - Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . Tomorrow it 's back to her Doctor to have the biopsy done , and to see what stage the cancer is in . She 'll have to go through the chemo and everything else that goes along with cancer treatment . Our whole family is in shock right now . My poor Dad seems so lost . I 'm so glad my sister will be coming home from London , Ontario this aft . Thank - you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and maybe saying a few prayers for my Mom . The last few days have been hard . Her kids were all told first , then finally she decided to tell her brothers and sisters ( they 're a lot of them , too ) , and that was hard on her . We know it 's NHL , but now the biopsy won 't be done until the 4th of April . So , what stage she 's at , we have no idea . After the biopsy is done she will leave her doctors here and deal with a team down at the cancer clinic in London , Ontario . It 's hard seeing her like this . She 's so very sick . : ( And all of us feel helpless . We 're trying to stay strong ; positive thinking . The feeling is , get the biopsy done , and get her down to London to be treated as quickly as we can . My sister , who is an RN in London will stay at my parents place and take care of her after her chemo treatments . I 'll be over there to help out with errands , cooking meals , and helping my Dad out . My brothers are going to do the same . Her siblings and their spouses will help out , as well . I 'm okay during the day , but at night I have trouble sleeping . I 've been having weird , upsetting dreams the last few nights . I stayed at my good friend , Karen 's the last few nights and she 's been great . She listened while I talked , and held me when I broke down . It 's been a tough week . My sister managed to get my Mom into a hospital in London , On . Last Monday . We couldn 't wait anymore for the doctors here to get moving on things ( it 's been terrible here ) . Lisa got her a bed there , on the surgical floor , and they started with some testing . They had to insert two , large tubes to drain the fluid that had accumulated on both lungs , which was making it difficult for her to breathe . She also had 2 litres of fluid on her tummy which they drained . The fluid on her lungs will come back , so they did a procedure yesterday using talcom powder of all things , so that both lungs will adhere to the chest wall preventing the fluid from coming back . She 's barely eating , but , they do have an IV in with fluids which has potassium in it , and they 're pushing her to drink more ; trying to build her strength up . Having the chest tubes in is painful for her , so they have been giving her morphine for that . Unfortunately , the catheter they had put in gave her a uninary tract infection , so they have given her antibiotics for that . She also has a touch of pneumonia , so , more antibiotics to treat that . One of her chest tubes comes out today , the other tomorrow . They did another CAT scan at the beginning of the week , and the results have come back from that . The doctor asked for a ' family meeting ' on Weds . My dad , sister , two brothers and myself were present , along with the doctor ( who 's a cancer surgeon ) , and a social worker . The biopsy hadn 't been done , but from the blood tests , the CT scan , and all the other testing they had done , they determined that the cancer WAS in the Lymph Nodes , and the stomach area , and it is an aggressive cancer . It had spread quite a bit since her last CT scan , which was a week ago . The doctor told us that the cancer is terminal . My Dad asked how long and the doctor said several weeks . They are trying to build her strength up ( fluids , getting her up and walking a bit . She hasn 't been on her feet since last Monday ) , so they 'll be able to start with palIt has all happened so quickly . Things aren 't going well . They 're moving her back to the CCU ( critical care unit ) as her oxygen is quite low yet again . They 're not sure if it 's colon or ovarian cancer . They were going to do a colonoscopy today , but decided against it as her body is too weak . She had both chest tubes taken out , but the fluid has come to her stomach area and so now her breathing is comprimised . She had a clot in her leg that was making its way up towards her lung and so she had to be treated for that . That was a big scare for us all . Her oxygen was so low and seeing struggle with her breathing was awful . We know she 's a fighter , but we don 't know how much more her body can take . She changed so much since last Friday . We have another family meeting with the doctor this aft . We 're just wondering if her body is strong enough to take the chemo . Last night my sister and I went in to visit her and we both gave her a foot massage and sat and talked with her for a bit . Usually we 'd stay longer , but she asked us to leave after being there for only 10 minutes . We think for the past few weeks as sick as she was , she was trying to be strong for us . She 'd make jokes and we would see signs the ' old mom ' . And we know that she was doing that for us . She needs to know that we 're going to be okay . Mom 's been having a couple of good days . They had to put the chest tubes back in order to drain the fluid and took off 4 litres in total . Her breathing is a lot better because of the chest tubes . The right lung seems to be filling up more than the left , so in a few days they 're going to insert a smaller permanent chest tube . Her colour is better , too . They started with the chemo a couple of days ago . She 's had no nausea and she has had more of an appetite because of the steroids . She polished off a plate of Chinese food the other day and had half a Tangelo for dessert . Her nights have been good , as well . They have her up on the oncology floor and she really likes her private room and has nothing but good things to say about the nurses there . Morning all . The past 4 days have been quite good for Mom . They took the left chest tube out , so now she is able to lay on her left side . She 's still drinking lots , although , she told my Dad to bring her in a glass from home because the water in the styrofoam cups ' taste funny ' ( probably due to the chemo ) . She also wants Canada Dry Gingerale , as she doesn 't care for the brand that they serve at the hosptial . She 's had a bit of nausea the last couple of days because of the chemo , so they have been giving her something for that . She had the girl from physio come in to work on her arms and legs and she said that she felt much better after having done the excercises . Her blood pressure is low due to the fluid drainage , so they weren 't able to get her to sit up in a chair . Yesterday , in her room , when she said that might like a Tim Horton 's Ice Cappacino about 4 of us flew out the door to rush downstairs to the cafeteria to get her one , lol . She said to us all that she ' has a plan ' . Eat a little more each day , drink lots of fluid , watch her diabetes , and continue with the physio to build up her strength . She 's so very positive right now . She wants to get better ! She said that when she 's able to come home , she is going to ' put on a big do ' for all her family and friends - have the food catered and free beverages . She 's excited about having her brothers , sisters , nieces and nephews make up little videos for her to see . She told us that she was going to get my brother , Guy to do her make - up for her for the videos , but she is worried that he 'll make her look like Bette Davis , lol . The cd I made for her wasnt ' a hit , lol . She did like it , but wants something a little more uplifting . So , I downloaded a bunch of Broadway tunes . Stuff from Wicked , Titanic , Sweeney Todd . Music that she 's never heard before , but stuff that I think she 'd like . She 's a big broadway musical lover . My sister 's favorite time to visit Mom is at night . She sits with her for a few hours and is there to make sure that Mom gets settled in for the night They have some good talks then . Sometimes , my sister brings up her four year old , Maddie ( because Maddie and Lisa are joined at the hip ; ) Lisa asked my Mom the other night if having Maddie up there is too much . My Mom said , ' Oh , no , I love having her here ' . Maddie sits quietly and colours while Lisa chats away , and Mom watches Maddie the whole time and smiles . We 're buying her a laptop today ( we asked the nurses at the hospital and they said that it was okay ) , so she can keep in touch with her family . She LOVED that idea . And , Oh , my Goodness , my Aunts and Uncles have been so good about sending down food for us ! There are 7 of them ( Aunts ) , so each day one cooks a meal for my immediate family to eat . There 's TONS of food and we 've been having to bring up of the bakegoods to the hospital for the nurses . It 's so nice , but there 's SO much of it . They just want to help out . And Mom gets to sample all of it . So , we 've had some really good days - compared to last week , prior to when the put the chest tubes were put back in and her breathing was awful . That 's when she got the news from the oncologist doctor about her being moved to Palliative care and not wanting to get a point to where they would have to put her on a ventilator . After the doctor had spoken to her about that , we went into the Critical Care Trauma Unit to see her . . one at a time . And for each of her kids she had something to say . To my sister ' You are the Matriach now . I want you to look after your brothers , sister and your Dad . I want you all to stay close . I 'm not afraid . ' . She talked about Bob Woodruff ( a reporter from ABC news who suffered from head injuries after being hit while in Iraq ) and how he described his neardeath experience as being ' peaceful . She spoke to my two brothers , and then to me , the youngest . When I walked into the CCTC she said ' My baby girl . My baby girl . You 're such a good girl . You have always been a good girl ' : ( ' Look after your older sister for me . She needs you . Help her with Maddie . You all ( the family ) stay close for me , okay ? ' I 'll never forget those words … For two days we , her 4 children , my sister - in - law and my Dad were by her side constantly . She went into a coma the last few days . She awoke once , on the first day , and smiled at my one Aunt who was standing in front of her , then back into a coma . Sometimes I 'm numb , nauseous , I 've burst into tears , I 'm p * ssed off at the cancer , and I 'm exhausted . It hasn 't fully set in that she 's gone , though . And , right now I have to be there for my Dad . I haven 't released , yet , but , I 'm sure I will in the next couple of days . I recently lost my cat . She was the sweetest little thing . She owned me for 3 years . She disappeared on june 17th and just a few days ago my neighbors told me that she hangs out in their yard and occasionally comes around my house . I saw her a couple weeks ago and she ran from me but according to my neighbors she doesn 't run away from them . It makes me wonder if I hurt her and repressed the memory or something . To this day I still cry about it and is the only thing I 've genuinely felt sad about in years . The worst and hardest thought for me is that she might be hurt and need help and I 'm not there for her . I grew up with my grandparents and they were the only real caretakers I knew . They gave up their retirement in order to instill values and help me grow . I miss them terribly , and actually I drew the picture I use on here as an expression of my grief through oil pastels . I feel empty at times without them and sometimes will just start bawling if triggered . It 's really strange sometimes what will set me off . Grief comes for me in waves , but the void is always present . I can 't read what was written before me right now , but am glad that there is a place to talk about it . I will return when I feel stronger . Hugs to you all … . I lost my dad back in ' 99 when I was 13 years old . It wasn 't something we were prepared for , nor did we ever see it coming . One day out of the blue a bump had formed on his forehead . It wasn 't painful , and my dad would play around and say my mom hit him with a frying pan . He went to the doctor and he said not to worry . It was a sist and it would go away on its own . His health wasn 't the greatest ( he didn 't take care of himself very well ) so they put him on a heart monitor because there were some oddities they wanted to watch over . Several days later after the diagnosis my dad came home from his night shift of working at the radio station . ( he was a dj ) I remember just barely waking up before my alarm went off for school and hearing my dad complaining of a horrible migrane . I get up , get ready , and remember seeing my dad sitting on the couch , holding his head in his hands . My mom was worried , and asked if he wanted to go to the doctor . A few minutes passed and I remember my mom calling my dad in that worried voice of hers . The voice she used when something was horribly wrong . I go back in the living room , and daddy was complaining that his right side was going numb , and he couldn 't see out of his right eye . Starting to panic as my dad became less and less coherent , I ran to get the phone . I knew we had to dial 911 . My mom grabbed the phone from me and called an ambulance . For some reason our neighbor from across the street came over ( I don 't know how he knew something was up , I 'll have to ask my mom that ) to help my dad get dressed since he couldn 't on his own . I heard the sirens , so I went outside to flag them down . By then my dad couldn 't see at all and was almost completely unresponsive . The paramedics came in and got him on the stretcher . He then starting losing control of his bodily functions and they rushed him off . He went into a coma in the ambulance on the way . Three days after being in the ICU , the doctors said he had cancer in several places in his body , and was too late to do anything . If he were to wake up , which was unlikely , he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life . Six days total of watching his brain monitor read higher and higher in pressure and three strokes happen did a number on my mom , sister and I . Other family all came in for support and to help us . I remember sitting there , holding my dad 's hand which was really cold one of the evenings , when I was allowed to go back there . I covered his cold arms with the thin blanket they had on him and still held on to his hand tight . I told him how I wanted him to teach me how to drive , and to be there to scare guys off with his gun when they came over to take me on a date . I didn 't want him to go . I wanted him to stay with us . To wake up and come home . Finally , my mom wouldn 't have my dad go through this any longer . She knew my dad didn 't want that kind of existence . After six days in the hospital , she had the life support pulled to end his suffering . That man . . that wonderful , big hearted man whom I was lucky to have for a dad was ripped away too soon . Many of my friends didn 't have good father figures ( or didn 't at all ) in their life , and he filled that role for them . He was loved and looked up to by many . He was the only one who understood my artistic way of thinking and dealing with things , for he was the same way . After he was gone , I was officially the black sheep of the family . I love my mom and my sister , but they were very left brained , un artsy people while the only one who understood me , the right brain type B personality , was gone . I lost a friend about 3 years ago - Dale . He was the greatist man to talk to . He lived close to me and I drive by his apartment every time I go to the store . So many times I think that Dale would love this story , incident , etc . He also had the best belly laugh and the best low down rumble chuckle . I miss him . I 'll never forget the day I met David . He was a resident at the complex where I was a property manager . When he walked into the clubhouse that day , he commanded the attention of everyone in the room and delighted everyone with his presence . He was wacky , outspoken , and outrageous . I loved him immediately . I went out on a couple of dates with him but realized this love could not suffer the boundaries of a romantic relationship . He became my brother in soul . We lived in this community for over 5 years . We had parties . We survived really bad Florida hurricane seasons together in his apartment , or in mine , surrounded by the cast of life characters he would intertwine into each others lives . At some point , our family tree pointed to the possibility that we may share some lineage and we began to call each other " cuz " . He was the smartest crazy person I knew . He worked for NASA and was involved in Cryonics , and is famously quoted in Sports Illustrated regarding the Ted Williams incident . He welcomed my boyfriend ( and later husband ) like a brother . He was unabashedly open about life , love , sex and drugs . He owned a townhouse that he could not longer afford and only wanted to sell it to me and my family . He took a $ 250k loss on the damn thing , but was happy to sell it to someone he cared for . We fought a lot over the sale - short sales are a bitch . I was scared to tell him that I was leaving my husband , and yet still let him purchase the house . On February 12 of this year , we met for drinks to reconcile after the fighting over the sale and for me to tell him about the new love of my life . It was surreal this meeting , so many of those memorable moments of his thrown into one happy hour . We laughed , we talked , we drank , he told me he loved me like a sister . He also told me he was happy I had found love , yet threw in very humbly , " I should have never let you get away " 2 days later , he died . I was having brunch on Valentine 's Day when I got the news . David 's girlfriend called and told me he had died from a heart attack , at age 44 . I was understandably a mess , and in retrospect it seemed as if two days prior he was saying goodbye , and everything was ok . We shared Native American ancestry , so it was fitting that he had a traditional Native American celebration of life instead of a funeral . His girlfriend called me a couple of days before the ceremony and told me how he was so happy to have seen me that last day , and she wanted me to participate in speaking about how he enjoyed life . I met his mother , whom I had never met before and she said she felt like she knew me . She had heard so much about me . I had no idea . Every time I think of him , there is always some funny " David - ism " or story that accompanies it . His light shone so brightly while he was with us , and still lights up my face when I think of him . RIP my brother . If you want to read my story , see this a fraction of this part of my life . I lost my second husband to cancer . I could , and will , write an entire book of the adventures of your very own yarnlady . I was going to answer this question myself , and I stared at the page for a long time after I read all the posts , but - I can 't do it . I just wanted everyone to know that I appreciate it . @ wundayatta for asking it , and at everyone else for answering . GAs - as insignificant as they are - to everyone who answered …