What up , homies ? It 's your girl Roberta . While you were gone , I turned seven ! And according to the superhero policy ( that I may or may not have made ) , that 's when you get your special powers . The thing is , you have to wait until autumn before they come . Tomorrow is the first day of autumn ! Oh , boy , I can 't wait to fight the bad , cruel villains . Today is supposed to be the first day I get my powers , but there must be an error because the only amazing thing that happened today was what was on my handkerchief . I even wore my purple , beneficial Polly Pockets shirt today . I also told my mom to make my favorite meal , salmon and french - fries , to celebrate the special day . Another day has passed , and I still don 't have my powers . I tried super speed , but when I ran , it was just the same . I tried looking into the future , but as hard as I thought , nothing came . I tried laser eyes ; nothing . I tried just about everything . After school , my mom had to take a quick trip to the store . There , I saw a little girl crying . I asked her what was wrong , and she said she had lost her mom ! I did what I see big kids do sometime ( not that I 'm not a big kid ; I am ) , and I helped her find her mom . Her mother told me I was a true hero , and that really meant a lot to me . So maybe my special powers aren 't something like super speed or laser eyes , although I am helping people in small ways . My mom and I returned home from the store . I thought of one thing I hadn 't yet tried , super strength . I thought I would give it a try , even though it probably wasn 't going to happen . So , I punched the wall . After I brought my arm back to its normal spot , I looked for any damage on the wall . I saw a new , big dent in the wall . I guess I didn 't think that one through ! One day , I went outside to get my mail , and on top was a wedding invitation . I wondered who had invited me to their wedding . It was surprisingly sent by my brother . As I tried to open the invitation , I am sure I looked like a dying salmon trying to see who my brother was going to marry . When I finally got it opened , the wedding was in autumn . Although I was very happy for him . I pinched my arm because I did not even know my brother had a girlfriend ! I read deeper , and I discovered my brother was not getting married ; it was his two dogs . " WHAT ? " He wants me to go to Buster and Rosie 's wedding ! I sit at my desk and review my plans one last time . " Rope , check . Map , check . Flashlight , check … " I mutter under my breath as I look at my checklist . I stare down at the map of Doomlandia in front of me . If it weren 't for my dog , Fluffernutter , getting lost and me having to find him , I would be eating a delicious lunch with my family in The Land of Good . But no , I had to be captured by Doomlandia , The Land of Good 's sworn enemy . I was taken into The Castle of Doom and locked in a tower forever . But not anymore . Tonight I , Lindsay Joyful Kitten , will escape The Castle of Doom ! I have waited to leave until I know for sure that I am ready . I walk over to the lone poster hanging on my wall . It has a cat holding onto a rope and the words above it say : Hang in there ! I rip it off the wall and throw it aside . It reveals a tunnel that I hope leads out of the castle . Here goes nothing , I think . I dive headfirst down the tunnel and begin to slide down at rapid speed . What is this place ? I 'm in a small , dark room . I fumble around and find a light switch . A small dangling light bulb dimly lights up the windowless room . I can tell that I am in a janitor 's closet from the large number of mops and cleaning supplies . I walk over to the big wooden door and turn the doorknob . Evening light and some of the late - autumn chill floods into the room . I step outside , only to discover that I am in a courtyard , and the only other person is a guard sneezing into a battered handkerchief . He has the same blue eyes that my relatives and I all share . How interesting , I think . Wait just a minute ! That 's my brother Gerald ! He must be here to rescue me ! We run down a hallway and turn the corner . Gerald hasn 't always been my favorite sibling . He always brags about how someday he will be a great engineer , and he isn 't very nice , but he comes around . Although , I suppose he will be my favorite now and in the future . I mean , he broke me out of The Castle of Doom for crying out loud ! " Okay , stop here , " he says out of breath . I halt and kneel on one knee . Gerald does the same . He continues , " So , I have a key to the door over there - " he points to the giant oak wood doors . " They lead straight out of the castle . Then we will have to climb over the Glaciers of Death , swim across the river of mutant , flesh eating salmon , and then we 'll be home . Okay ? " I woke up really late that day . I groaned and checked my irritating alarm clock that for once didn 't start blaring at 8 : 00 . It said 10 : 03 a . m . Ahh . The joys of winter break . I groggily got out of bed , not bothering to get dressed , and checked the schedule I had made the day before . Number 1 on the list was making myself a magnificent breakfast . I had to make the floppy pancakes and crispy hash brown by myself because both my parents were working . My mom was a lawyer and my dad was an engineer though I had recently overheard him saying something about switching to a new agency . My breakfast was so good and warm . Now I just sat on the couch watching some advertisement on T . V . I got extremely annoyed then by the repetition because the ad played over and over again . I sneezed and as I got up to get a handkerchief , I turned off the T . V . and decided to do something beneficial like ride my bike . I pick up an autumn leaf and feel the texture of it . I softly close my hand into a fist ; the leaf breaks and collapses in my hand . As I let it go , the leaf flies away in the magnificently cold evening wind . I put my hand to my lips and then the air . Then I whisper , " Good - bye , " and step into the airport . I go through security and luggage check , and then I finally board the airplane . A lady behind me has a mirror and is putting on make - up . The flight attendant walks over and says , " Excuse me , mirrors are considered weapons on this plane . " Just then , the pilot announces over the loudspeaker that there is lots of turbulence so there will be shaking . Immediately , it feels as though I am on a never - ending roller coaster . I look out the window and we are going straight down . I see land , my head whips forward , and things just go black . It was a cold autumn morning when it all started . I was just taking my morning stroll when I heard a noise coming from the bushes . I looked and all I saw was an engineer working on some electrical box . I ignored the engineer without even saying good morning , and I continued my walk . I wasn 't too far into my walk when I heard the familiar sound of cracking ice . Before I could look up , an ice chunk hit me in the head . The occasion was a wedding with lots of purple and pink flowers everywhere . I walked around and saw a sign that said the marriage was going to be between my idol , Batman , a superhero who was never idle , and a horrible villain who was wanted in many states . There must have been an error . I mean Batman and the world 's worst villain marrying ? R . E . A . L . L . Y ! The wedding was about to start , so I took a seat . I could feel something soft under me . I stood up and discovered the item was a handkerchief . I picked it up ; then I was suddenly in a new dream . This time I was surrounded by mirrors and a bucket of dead salmon . I was allergic to salmon . This dream was not a dream ; it was a nightmare . A cruel nightmare ! I started to scream , and then I slowly began waking up , but I was no longer on an old sidewalk . I was in the hospital . I saw someone familiar . It was my friend ! Oh , boy , was I ever happy to see her ! As I walked to the park , I could feel the autumn air in my face . I looked out and saw the hundred - foot tree . That was where I was headed . The evening had an air of pleasure and happiness in it . Finally , after a long period of time , I arrived at the tree . This was my favorite spot in the park . I sat down and touched the tree 's bark . As I did this , I felt a mirror in my heart that showed my future . It showed me a ton of things . I supposed that this was a dream , but it didn 't seem like it . All my life , I had wanted to be an engineer , but now I wanted to be an astronomer . I knew an engineer was not relative to an astronomer , but I loved studying the stars . The last bit of light faded away , and total darkness was everywhere . There was a cruel rush of air that hit my head . Still , everything was perfect . I don 't know why it happened , it just did . I posted a video on YouTube of me singing a song , and it went VIRAL . All of a sudden , agencies are calling from all over wanting record deals , and kids from different states are on my front porch right at this very moment , screaming their heads off . The engineer that was supposed to be fixing our car was , oddly enough , jumping up and down . He even threw his handkerchief at the window . I ran upstairs to get away from this chaos . Once I got to my room , I quickly shut the door behind me and sat down . I went to the window and looked out at the crisp , autumn leaves and the mountains in the distance . I opened my window and smelled the fresh air and heard … the screaming of desperate girls . Wait , how did they get into my backyard ? I wondered . " Holy cranberries , " I said , my eyes wide . Superstar formerly known as Amy Ross … an announcer 's voice said in my head . The doorbell rang , and I remembered I was supposed to go to the first concert of my tour . YES , a tour . My manager , Teresa , set it up just two days ago when I realized I had already written a whole album of songs . I grabbed my suitcase and ran down the stairs just as Teresa was fighting off some fans . " All packed , darling ? " Teresa asked . I nodded . " Magnificent ! Here is your tour schedule . By the way , you are in an advertisement for zit cream . " I looked at her with an expression of horror on my face . She laughed . " Just kidding , darling . " The next thing I knew I was sitting in a plane flying all over the world . I saw the Grand Canyon , the Great Wall of China ; we even flew over Antarctica just for fun , even just looking at the glaciers made me shiver . However , the repetition drove me crazy . I got off the plane , met fans , sang songs , got back on the plane , and repeated . The cycle never ended . I was at the secret agency , and I locked my car . I walked into the building and saw my watch beeping . I just realized that I was going to be late for school . I ran to the door , and it was about to close . Most spies would do some crazy flips and land there just in time . I tripped on a stone . I was late for class again . I finally got into the school . I saw my crush walking in the hall . Today was going to be the day , the day I asked her out . I suddenly saw Chad , the school bully , slip his arm around her . I had a magnificent speech planned in my head . For pleasure , a person stuck his leg out . I tripped right in front of my crush . After school , I was at my desk at the agency when my computer started buzzing . I called over a computer engineer . He didn 't know what was going on . I called over a guard . He scanned my machine . " Get down ; it 's a bomb ! " I lunged forward as the agency exploded . In most spy stories , everything would be destroyed except for one thing . Yeah , not in this story . The entire agency was in ruins . Although everything in the agency was destroyed , my cellphone was still intact . It started ringing . I picked it up . " Come here or the girl gets it . " A picture was sent , and believe it or not , it was my crush . I suppose I should have done some research that would not be useful in that situation . I decided not to do all the research . I got to the location , and suddenly , I was unconscious . I woke up on a fast - moving platform . Usually , it was a slow - moving platform ; not this one . I looked up at a window . It was an autumn evening , perhaps my last . I saw the capturer watching me . I jumped off the platform . I swam towards my capturer . I swung a punch and knocked him out . I ran towards the cell and freed the girl . " Yeah . " she said , " too bad I have a boyfriend , " and then she left . So concludes my sad spy story . I didn 't get the girl , I wasn 't alone in my trap , and I didn 't really save the day . Maybe someday I will . Not really ; my story ends with me still being the anonymous nobody . Clouds of mist loom overhead . Monkeys swing from vines hanging down from the canopy above me . Trees fly by me as I sprint through the forest . Arrows fly by me faster than ever conceived possible . Trying to outrun the Hunters is like trying to live without oxygen ; it 's not possible . Many lose their lives to the legendary Hunters of Pandiria . But I am too prideful to die at the sword of such tyrants . Pandiria is a magnificent place , but nowhere is more deadly . Beauty doesn 't come without a price . All humans live above ground in huge trees because of the Hunters . No one even thinks of trying to overrule the Glacier Hunters . Only certain personnel from the Agency , the circle of leaders , are allowed to go on the ground for food and other supplies we can 't live without ; I have always been a rule breaker . The only moral I follow is that there are no rules in adventure . I think you 'll find that when you are running for your life , you don 't look out for simple things like trip wires . At least , that 's not the most important thing on my mind . My foot snags a very well - hidden wire , and a bucket of petroleum pours out onto the ground . Of course I keep running , but I can tell that they had rigged the trip wire to ignite the petroleum . The blazing fire looks like autumn trees . After running rapidly , I am finally back to the entrance . As fast as I can , I heave myself up the ladder . Apparently , I am not that fast . A rough hand wraps around my ankle in a tight grip . Slowly , I lose strength and start to inch down the ladder to my doom . Suddenly , though , the hand lets go and disappears into the distance with all of the rest of the Glacier Hunters . I take my chance and scurry up the ladder like a squirrel . My father is waiting at the top , glaring at me disapprovingly . Then , a loud roar shakes the Earth with a force like no other . Below , at the bottom of the ladder , a huge Aucasaurus shrieks hungrily . The Aucasaurus is the only thing the Hunters will run from . Formerly , the things I was most frightened of were giant Venus Flytraps , but compared to the size of an Aucasaurus , a giant Venus Flytrap is nothing . My city considers Aucasauruses to be beneficial in our fight against the Hunters and so we decide to take advantage of having an Aucasaurus at our front door . A big , sturdy cage drops down and captures the magnificent beast . It calls for its family , but no animal is quick enough to get to the dinosaur before we have it in our closed - off storage area . My parents told me a really funny story about their marriage . They were married in Canada in autumn . It can be very cold at that time of year in Ottawa , Canada , or very warm . My dad said my mom was crazy planning the wedding , like an engineer . My dad said he wanted a nice wedding , but he wanted her to be practical . They had to plan for snowy or sunny weather , and that is all they could do . My mom wanted it to be sunny , but she was making a bad error thinking she could control the weather . No one could tell her anything different . About three days before the wedding , my mom was watching the weather report , and the weatherman said it was going to be snowing on the wedding day . She got crazy and called the weatherman a villain . She was screaming at the TV saying this was all a cruel joke on her . My dad told me she was so mad she stomped out of the room . While she was stomping away , she stomped so hard a mirror fell off the wall and broke . My dad then told me my mother had a total breakdown . All he could do was stand like there , totally idle , and give her a handkerchief while she cried . She was sure with the weather report and with the seven years bad luck for breaking the mirror that the wedding was ruined . Nevertheless , the day of the wedding turned out to be the sunniest day in hundreds of years , and she was happy . It was a normal autumn day in the town of Chesterville . As usual , my parents left me home alone to do the chores . I climbed out of my bed and saw a list of chores on the counter table . I got to my chores as fast as I could so that once I was finished , I could watch television until my parents returned . As I was doing my chores , I heard a very loud banging sound coming from outside the house . I didn 't think much of it . So , I finished my chores and turned on the T . V . Just as I turned it on , I heard fire trucks , ambulance , and police sirens coming down the road . I didn 't know what to do so I just went out of the house and saw a bunch of cars lined up on the street and looking as though they were preparing to leave the town . Someone was running past my house , so I ran up to him to ask him what was going on . He told me that there was a tsunami warning , and that a tsunami was coming our way . Then , the guy ran away . I thought in my head , " What is a tsunami ? " I looked at the beach and saw a massive wave heading towards our town . In the corner of my eye , I could see my parent 's car lined up with all of the other cars . I tried to signal them that I was right there , but they didn 't see me . I thought , " Why would any parents leave their child at their own house by themselves when a massive wave was about to hit their hometown ? " Then , all of a sudden , it started to rain . A tiny thing hit me . I thought it was a tiny glacier , but it was hail falling from the sky . I went inside the house , grabbed some leftover salmon , and put some in a sack . I headed towards higher grounds , where the wave wouldn 't hit me . I climbed up the tallest mountain that I could find , but right when I was almost to the top , the tsunami hit me . I tried to swim to the top of the water , but couldn 't . I fainted . I woke up a couple of hours later . I was on the rooftop of someone 's house . I was lucky to be alive . I tried to climb down the top of the house ; luckily , there were ladders from the top of the roof to the bottom . I took a handkerchief out of my pocket and started to cry into it . I wondered why that cruel , huge villain ( the tsunami ) would cause such destruction . I looked everywhere to see if anyone had survived the big wave , but I couldn 't see anybody in sight . The only thing I could find was a broken mirror . I started to walk in the muddy dirt to find other people who were alive . I walked past a huge train that had crashed into an immense wall . I went inside the train and found the engineer lying on the ground . I tried waking him up , but he just lay there . I could see in the distance a huge town full of people . That was my priority , to get to that town . I finally got there and the town sign said " Practical Town . " I walked around the town and saw a huge crowd around a church . Everyone was gathered at the church after the tsunami like there was a big occasion . I wondered where my parents were at this time . I was scared and had nowhere to go . I wished I was home with my parents . I missed them . Would I see them again ? Where did we all go from here ? Who was going to help us ? God help us all . Far out in the crystal blue sea , with the autumn breeze blowing , a couple was getting married on a cruise . They were staying on the cruise for a week , and all their friends and family were invited . The couple 's names were Renee and Bradley . There were only two more days till their marriage , and they were full of excitement . They thought it was going to be the best cruise ever , not knowing there was a villain on board . During lunch , the cruise 's engineer came up to Renee , while she was eating salmon , and said that there was an error with the engine and that they might be later returning to port than it was planned . Renee didn 't mind ; she thought that it was swell to stay on the lovely cruise longer . During that occasion , the practical , cruel villain locked the engine room so the engineer couldn 't fix the engine 's error . The day of the marriage , Renee checked the mirror to see her dress . She looked absolutely beautiful in the dress . Now , all she needed was her lucky handkerchief . She couldn 't find it . She went to search other areas of the ship and tried to finish her search down in the engine room , but it was locked , so she looked in the keyhole . There was her handkerchief ; it was clogging up the engine , and standing right beside the clogged engine was the villain . Renee ran upstairs to find the captain and tell him what she saw . They immediately went downstairs , crashed open the door , and caught the criminal . After she washed her handkerchief , Renee walked down the aisle and married Bradley . Despite the villain 's trickery , Renee - and everyone else - did have a fun time on the cruise . My paper 's blank , my newly sharpened pencil lying unused on my desk . What am I doing ? I ask myself . This is a timed writing assessment . You 're on a schedule ! I remind myself sharply . But what could I write for the free topic assessment ? Perhaps I could do a story about a wicked boss who treats his personnel badly and then the workers overthrow him ! Nah , how about a young girl sees an advertisement for adorable kittens , just born , and five in the litter ? No , no , no , no no ! It 's too repetitive ; I 'll bet a lot of girls will do that one ! I look up to see the minute hand creeping towards the finish line . Another feverish look around the classroom confirms that I am now the only one still racking her brain to find a topic . Oh , no . I thought back to what my teacher had formerly said and decided no matter what , my story needed a strong , clear moral so that my reader would reflect back on it . Hmmm , maybe more of a touching story line , say a deaf girl who despite her flaw , wants to do something to be more beneficial to her parents and not such a horrendous burden . I sneaked a look at the clock and was dismayed to see I had but ten minutes more to write . Oh , man , I hope the agency that is going to see this isn 't going to give me , a , a , an F ! I can just conceive their faces as they take note of the single piece of blank paper ! I rub my sweating hands together apprehensively . Then I take my awaiting pencil , poise my hand over the paper , and then I begin scrawling furiously as I attempt to race against the clock . A few minutes later the red bell on the wall begins to squeal loudly , making the bell tremble with its vibrations . I look down at my paper proudly , swollen with pride in my magnificent work . I turn in my work , and that work is the same work you are reading this very moment . Yes , I wrote about how I couldn 't think of anything , to save my soul , to write about . It all started on a cold autumn day . We were having salmon , which we only have on special occasions , and so , I thought we were going to have a lovely meal . That 's when she told me . She said she wasn 't happy and that I didn 't spend enough time with her . I told her that I couldn 't help it because I was an engineer . I loved my job , but apparently she thought I was always gone working . She left that night . Every day since then , I get up , put on my handkerchief to get ready to work hard , and have breakfast - alone , and then go to work . I miss her so much . I had made an enormous error in my life , and now the love of my life was gone . I had to get her back ! The next day , I found out where Tracy lived , and I went to her house . Knock , knock , knock . I waited in nervous anticipation on the porch . " Oh , Will , be practical . We will never be happy again , okay ? I think it would be best if you leave now , " Tracy roared . Now Tracy and I are living happily ever after , once again . I still love my job , but I love my wife even more . I now remember what is truly important in my life . " Hurry up , Ally ! You know I have a busy schedule ! I need to get to ballet , and then I have soccer practice ! " Rose said . " I am busy , too ! I have ice skating and volleyball , " Ally said . Ally and Sky were two sisters who almost never had free time . They were always doing something each minute of the day ! Autumn had just started , and they were extremely busy ! " Girls ? Are you ready yet ? You guys will be late ! " their mom said . Mom must be so happy ! I have heard of woman who never conceive ! Lucky mom ! She gets two children ! Rose thought . " Hey , look at that advertisement ! " Rose exclaimed . The sign said , " Are you busy all the time ? You need the Homework Machine ! It does all your homework so you can do all your fun things and not worry about your busy schedule ! " " I can 't believe that Mom got this for us ! I don 't want anything for Christmas now ! " Rose exclaimed . " Let 's try it out ! " " Ally , you should use your brain ! We have a homework machine . We don 't need to do our homework anymore . Watch ! " Rose paused , scavenged for a paper , and put it in the machine . " Write a poem that is appropriate for sixth graders . Oh , and don 't forget to use repetition ! " she shouted at the machine . I can 't wait for Ms . Jones to write magnificent on my papers ! I hear she only writes that on the papers that are perfect ! Ally thought . She didn 't have time to check her homework . That was her biggest mistake . When she received her graded paper , she nearly fell down . On each paper was a big , fat , and red F . What ? How did this happen ? Ally thought . She looked over at Rose . Her face was pale , and she looked horrified . " The Homework Machine , " Rose mouthed . Ally looked at her papers . The poem was called The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe , and under that was a repetition of the word repetition . Ally 's eyes got wide . She looked at number six on her math . Five times six is fifty - six ? The homework machine had ruined her homework ! Ally ran out of the room , crying . " Thanks , " Ally sniffed . The two girls were now in their principal 's office . They had just told their story and were waiting for their punishment . " Look , girls , I understand that all the extracurricular classes you attend are quite challenging , and make you fall behind in your studies . The problem is your homework . A homework machine might sound cool , but the thing is , that it 's a machine ! Often machines have faults , which makes then work differently . Another point is that homework is just like sports ! You have to practice different strategies to perfect each one ! For example , if you were to become an engineer , you would need to know a lot about math , but that doesn 't mean that that 's the only thing you need to learn . What if you lose your job somehow ? Then you would have to find a different job , right ? What if you need to know how to spell for your second job , but have trouble because you never paid attention during class ? What if your car needs more petroleum , and you end up overpaying , just because you never paid attention during math . I hope that this information was beneficial to you , " the principal said . " What a magnificent advertisement ! " Tiffany hollered with glee . She finally knew what to give her mother for Christmas ! There was this amazing commercial that stated there was a new 2012 automobile that got exceptional mileage ! Tiffany knew it was the perfect gift for her mother because she needed a new car since her car broke down . Tiffany had to schedule when she would go to the auto agency and choose which car would be beneficial to her mother 's needs . First , she would have to survey her mother regarding what kind of car she would want , but make her mom oblivious to the fact that she would get a new car for Christmas . " Well , she said she likes silver , and the car that I want is in stock in silver ! " Tiffany squealed . " Let 's go today , fill it with petroleum , and reserve it for us , so on Christmas day we can get it to Mother ! " " Brilliant ! " her father said in agreement . " We 'll have her license plate personalized and go to an engineer for that . How 's that sound ? " " Dazzling ! " Tiffany said in awe . " It will be the most perfect Christmas gift ever ! " She had to use a handkerchief to dab away her tears of happiness . When Tiffany and her father went to the auto car dealer , they picked out the silver car , customized the car and the license plates , and went to the engineer to have the plates placed on . Tiffany 's father was in the Christmas spirit so much that he let his entire personnel go on break for an entire month ! " Perfect ! " Tiffany cried . " But , it 's missing something … " When it was Christmas day , Tiffany and her father got the silver car with the bow on top in the morning and honked the car 's horn in the front of their house to awaken Tiffany 's mother . Tiffany 's mom , Elizabeth , just stood there in awe . " Whose idea was this ? " Elizabeth asked . It was an error , that 's all I can say ! Aren 't people allowed to make mistakes ? Obviously not ! If you mess up a mission just one time , your cruel gang gets all over you for it ! My " gang " says this was not just a mission ; it was a very important mission ! I guess catching the villain who broke into the White House was important , but I am a dad ! I have my own missions to accomplish ! The loosened , brittle leaves rustled throughout the autumn day breeze . Day and night , I would work ! At night came my favorite job - being a detective ! Then the daytime came , and I was known as , the dad , the one who changes the diapers and packs kids ' lunches . I 'm just a practical dad / detective trying to shovel out all of these missions ! I certainly was never idle and I would always complete my nighttime duties . But my daytime duties were just as important ! Being married and all , I needed to step up to my responsibilities . Being a detective had been merry , but when it comes to family , I must step up and be the dad my children deserve ! " Honey , go change Eli 's diaper ; it 's full , " bellowed my practical wife , as she hastily packed the sunflower butter , star - shaped sandwich in a pink plastic baggie as was requested by our favorite , one and only five - year - old daughter , Angie . As I apprehensively approached the drooly baby , with a lavish amount of poop in his diaper , I made an expression that frightened the baby . Thus , I gallantly put on a happy face as I changed Eli 's diaper . I had to bite my tongue to keep me from groaning out , " Eeww , this is so gross . " Really , how can something so adorable and sweet produce the foulest … well , anyway , you get the idea . My wife and I are expecting , again , and just about any smell makes my wife turn green . In just six more months , another bundle of joy will arrive , not to mention double diaper duty . Just call me the diaper engineer . I was going to be a pro ! Right now I needed to find a handkerchief to wipe up the gelatinous drool … Whining , crying and moaning , when … when will it ever end ? As I stared in the mirror , I started to think about my family and myself . Maybe quitting my real detective job wasn 't so terrible after all . Aside from all the diapers , being a dad isn 't so bad . Maybe diapers sometimes aggravate me till I 'm green and I do not particularly like waking up at one in the morning just to change a silly diaper . But , that 's a dad , right ? Aren 't normal dads supposed to do that ? When I thought I could tackle two jobs , one of them was harder than it seemed . Overall , I made a marvelous decision … Family always comes first , no matter what ! So that day , they set sail on John 's little boat called The Magnificent Sea Catcher . At first , J . J . was excited . After five hours the excitement rubbed off . " No , J . J . We have only been an hour on the boat in this location . Besides that doesn 't seem like a good spot , " answered John . Then a warmth struck over J . J . 's and John 's bodies . It was a dry feeling as if they were on land . So J . J . opened his eyes and wiped the crusty stuff from them . It was sand ! They were on dry land . So , J . J . shook his dad . But he didn 't wake up . So he shook him again with his hand on his father 's hand and finally , John woke up . After a pause , J . J . was off . First he traveled in the forest in the middle of the small , remote island where they had washed ashore . Then he patrolled the beaches . Finally , after an hour 's search , he stumbled upon a large , flat rock buried in the sand . What 's this ? he wondered in his mind . Oh , it 's a tomb stone someone must have built for themselves . So he dug out the rock and saw what the engravings on the stone were . He read out loud , " ' Amelia Earhart lived through her crash . Born July 24 , 1897 . ' Amelia Earhart was here , " yelled J . J . as he ran across the warm tropical beach to find his dad . Then he told his dad all about what his findings were . The two lived on the island for three weeks until they were miraculously found . Their discovery about Amelia Earhart made them very rich and famous . John sold his company and didn 't care about work anymore . Formerly the father and son were far apart from each other . They never bonded or spent time with one another . But now they are one of the most bonded , great father - son pairs in the world . They created all one big happy family with J . J . 's mom , too ( of course ) . Last autumn , I went to Colorado to attend a marriage . I was excited about the wedding location because it was in the mountains at a ski resort . As I drove through the mountains to the resort , I passed meadows filled with snow , trees with icicles , and even a large glacier . I arrived at the resort and checked into my room to change for the wedding . I was not in the wedding , but it was a formal occasion so I put on my tuxedo and went down to the reception area . I talked with some friends while I ate smoked salmon , and I noticed a creepy man sitting by the snack table . He saw me and disappeared like lightning . Some time passed , and the bride came out of her dressing room screaming ! She said her engagement ring had been sitting on a table , but when she turned around , it was gone . Security personnel asked if I had seen anyone strange that could have stolen the ring . I told them I had seen someone weird sitting by the snack table . The guards said there could be a chance that he had stolen the ring . The security guards started looking for the suspect . The bride fainted and fell on the ground so the resort physician was called to help her . I could not believe that someone could be so cruel as to steal a bride 's engagement ring at her wedding . I hoped that one of the bride 's friends was just playing a practical joke on her . Just then , we heard the start of a car engine , and the suspect started to drive away . The car that he was driving was very old , and it had a lot of mileage on it so the car started to idle and finally it died . The villain was arrested , and the ring was returned to the bride . The villain made a huge error by choosing an old car for his getaway vehicle . The bride was full of joy , and the wedding continued . The bride went to a mirror and finished doing her make - up while the resort engineer lit the petroleum gas lamps in the wedding chapel . During the wedding , all of the women started to cry , and I saw a woman pull out a handkerchief to blow her nose . After the wedding , there was high - quality food at the reception , followed by a dance . I had a great time ! Then she picked out an amazing white dress . She loved it , it fit , and it was perfect ! Grace loved looking in the mirror admiring the dress . Then she could imagine walking down the aisle in it , her mother crying and pulling out a handkerchief . " I 'll take it ! " shouted Grace , and she walked out of the store with her dream wedding dress .