This story could not have gotten this far without some help from a few people so some thank yous , to my beta devilswhore _ x , her patience and support kept me sane in the final days before deadline , to alljustlovers for being the first person to read the story as a whole and left me the best ( and most detailed ) review I could have ever asked for . To the bbb mods , who changed the rules and made me think I can actually do this , and with their patience with my awkward time zone issues . To slashxmistress , pearldrop and melissos for the beautiful mixes and art . To tardis80 who left bandom a while ago , but without her this whole verse would not have existed . Jon had started work straight after graduation , at a small gardening magazine called Green Fingers . They 'd send him around the city to review flower shows and vegetable competitions . He took photographs of all the vibrant colours , and sometimes he wrote little articles for them . He really enjoyed that job , and not just because all the little old ladies always offered him cookies . He saved enough money and bought his own apartment . Then as soon as he could , he put all of his stuff in storage and left the country . He made plans to go stay with the Buddhist Monks in the Hanging Temple in China , said good bye to his family and Tom , and was gone . He 'd take pictures and send them to Tom , who would develop and display them . That , along with his apartment being rented out , provided enough so that after a year he left China , and went to Africa to see the witch doctors . They told him that he will find great happiness , and then great sorrow . He didn 't really believe them , just took pictures of their masks and their painted skin . The Africans lived pretty simply , so that after another year , when he got restless again , he could leave , and still have money in his savings . His mom thought it was a good idea if he ever wanted to settle down with a nice girl some day . This time he went to India . He 'd heard about the Ashtanga yoga in Mysore and wanted to know more . The city was beautiful , he took photographs of the ancient palaces and temples , of statues and busy city streets - but he was also fascinated with the contrast of the high skyscrapers and sparkling glass buildings . He stayed at a small Ashtanga ashram . They taught him how to meditate , and though they tried to teach him yoga , he respectfully declined . While he was there , a man joined them . He was tall and thin and held himself differently . Jon wanted to know more about him , wanted to get to know him , but despite the man rebuffing all of Jon 's attempts , it only made Jon want to know more . Jon was nice by nature . He was relaxed and laid back and liked to make friends . He couldn 't help if the monks saw him being rejected by the man . They told Jon about him . They said his name was Ryan Ross and he was a teacher who was here to learn . They said he liked pomegranates . So when he went down to the market and saw all the stalls lined to the top with the fruit , it wasn 't even a question of how many to get . And now that he 'd bought them with a target in mind , it only made sense to go to Ryan 's favourite garden to see if he was there , so that Jon could show him . Jon found Ryan meditating under one of the biggest trees . He approached him slowly and sat down in front of him , waited until Ryan unfolded and was looking at him directly before he spoke . " Hi , " Jon said , " I 'm Jon Walker , and you 're Ryan , right ? " Ryan reached out and took it from him , eyes watching Jon 's face , like an animal ready to run from the trap . But Jon just stayed still and let Ryan take it from his hand . " I need a knife to cut it open , " Ryan said . Jon was ready . He pulled one out from the other bags and handed it to Ryan , handle first . He could feel the serrated edge prickle at his fingers , but only let it go when Ryan had a firm grip on it . He watched as Ryan cut the fruit in half , then quarters , and then lift one up to his lips and bit through the flesh . The juice trickled down his fingers and pooled in his palm but before it could drip to the ground he chased the trickles and licked them off . Jon followed Ryan 's mouth with his eyes . Ryan caught him staring and blushed . Jon could feel the heat spreading over his own cheeks and he looked away . Jon pulled out another and cut it up for himself . They ate in silence until all the fruits were gone . Then Ryan stood up , wiped his hands on his pants . " Thank you . " " It was my pleasure , " Jon said , also standing up . " I guess I 'll see you around ? " he said , as if he was unsure . " Yeah , definitely , " Jon said and grinned . Ryan smiled back and walked away . As Jon watched him go he thought that could have gone better , but at least it was a start . After that Jon used it to his advantage , now that they knew each other it was easier to join Ryan for lunch , or sit next to him during meditation . He even tried joining the yoga classes , but there was no way he could bend like they did , so he stopped that particular activity . Jon would walk away and wonder why he was trying so hard . It wasn 't his usual style . He was more relaxed , and people would approach him , in their own time . He never tried this hard . But then Ryan would smile , or he 'd turn his head in just the right way , the light would catch his face and Jon would know . He never took pictures of Ryan . He had a feeling it would scare him off . He made no secret of the fact he was a photographer though . That 'd be like trying to hide the colour of his eyes or the shape of his mouth . He 'd talk about himself , hoping Ryan would do the same , but he never said much , he sometimes nodded or agreed , and all the time watched Jon wearily . Until Jon mentioned Tom and ForeverNever and there was a spark of recognition . " You work with Tom Conrad ? " " Yeah , " Jon said , " we were friends in high school . Now I send him my pictures and he puts them up in his gallery . " " Come to dinner with me , " Jon said , sneaking up behind Ryan . He held up the flower first and followed it so he was facing Ryan . " What do you mean ? " Ryan asked , looking at the flower and back at Jon . " Like a date ? " Ryan asked . Jon could see the wariness from the first time they talked creep into his features . Maybe this was a bad idea . " Sort of ? If you want it to be . Or it could just be dinner , as friends , just whatever you 're comfortable with . " Jon realised he was rambling and stopped . " I think dinner would be nice , " Ryan said . Jon brightened instantly . " That 's great ! " he said , " I 'll pick you up around 8 ? " When Jon showed up , Ryan wasn 't ready . He winced to himself and went to open the door . When he saw Jon he wished that he had at least brushed his hair , Jon looked fantastic . " Are you early ? " he asked Jon , before he could stop himself . " I 'm just on time , " Jon said , smiling . " Okay , give me a second , " he said , trying to not sound as nervous as he felt , " I won 't be long . " He walked back into the little apartment , leaving the door open . He looked at himself in the mirror and tried to calm down . It was just dinner . It didn 't have to mean anything . Except that Jon looked amazing , and Ryan wasn 't an idiot . He knew Jon was trying to woo him with fruits and flowers ( a flower , just one , it was now sitting in a glass of water on the window sill and it still made him smile when he looked at it . ) but Ryan wasn 't ready , he came here as a retreat , not to date hot photographers . It was just dinner , he reminded himself as he slipped his feet into his shoes . He swept a hair brush through his hair , and stepped back out to the living space . " You ready ? " he asked Jon . " Yeah , I - wow , you look really great , " Jon said , stumbling over his words . Ryan felt a blush colour his cheeks . " Thank you , " he said quietly . " This place , " Jon said , as they stepped out , " it 's like a fifteen minute walk from here , and since the weather was so nice , I thought we could take a stroll ? " The walk down to the city was pleasant . It 's the only word Ryan could think of . The path was well lit , and they could see the lights from the city stretching out underneath them , with just a gentle breeze keeping things from getting too hot . Ryan smiled in amusement . " No , I brought some , and I shipped the rest . I thought since I have a lot of time on my hands , I might as well catch up on my reading . " Jon grinned . " That 's actually pretty awesome , " he said , " I would never have thought to do that , I might have brought my music instead . " Jon seemed to be contemplating something , whether it was the no electronics rule , or something else , Ryan wasn 't sure . When they reached the city , Jon led the way to a small restaurant on a main street . He opened the door for Ryan , and Ryan tried not to feel flustered about it . The person at the door greeted them and directed them to a table in the middle of the restaurant , just big enough for two , and handed them the menus . " So what 's good ? " Ryan asked , looking over the menu . He knew most of the traditional dishes by now , but he wanted to know which ones this place specialised in . " I like the Dosas the best , and they make a mean Idli , " Jon said , not even looking at the menu . " What are you going to get ? " Ryan asked . " No , you go first , so I can get something else , " Jon said , " then we can share , if you wanted to , I mean or just a taste . " He shifted awkwardly , like he hadn 't meant to say that . " Sharing sounds good , " Ryan said smiling . He could tell Jon was trying to keep things casual . " Maybe we can get a dish of each , " he suggested , " and just split it . " Jon 's smile was like the sun on a cloudy day . They called the waiter over and he spoke to them in Kannada . Jon looked a bit lost , but before he could say anything Ryan broke in . He 'd learned the language fairly easily and placed the order for them . When the waiter was gone Jon looked at him in surprise . " I didn 't know you could speak the language . " Ryan laughed , out right laughed . They were such cliché phrases to learn , and he said so . Jon smiled . " It 's all I really needed , I 've been to Africa and China , I managed to learn how to communicate without words . " Just then the food arrived and Ryan was forced to stop . When they were settled again , Jon picked up the thread of conversation again . " My mom calls it wanderlust , " Jon said , " it 's like restless feet , I could never stay in one place for too long , the longest stretch might be university while I finished my degree , but otherwise . " He shrugged . " So what 's this ? " Ryan asked , " Why would you , I don 't know , chase after me if you didn 't intend it going anywhere ? " The food was incredible , Ryan had to admit . Jon insisted on paying , and Ryan didn 't fight too hard against it . He thought they 'd head back to the ashram but Jon took Ryan 's hand and led him deeper into the city . There was a festival of sorts going on so Jon took him around and showed him some sights , told him some history , promised to bring him back in daylight , if he wanted to . Ryan only listened with half an ear , he couldn 't get over the fact that Jon never let go of his hand . They bought something sweet on a stick from a vender at some point , and Jon laughed , saying it 's not a real festival without food on a stick . When the venders and stalls started to shut down , late into the night , Jon started to lead Ryan out of the city . Ryan found he was kind of disappointed that it was over now . It felt like this night could go on forever . But instead of heading up the same path they came down , they went up another way that diverged , and after a half hour walk they ended up on another hill peak , a small clearing between trees and the city laid out below them . " What a view , " Ryan said , feeling breathless . " I found it on one of my walks , " Jon said . When Ryan turned to look at him he had a blanket rolled up in his arms . " Where did that come from ? " " I like to come up here sometimes , " Jon said , " I like that it 's really silent , it 's a good place to contemplate and stuff . " Jon smiled back . " As close as I will ever get , probably . " He spread the blanket on the grass and invited Ryan to sit before sitting down himself . Ryan folded his long legs underneath him and also sat down . " You don 't meditate ? " he asked . " Maybe I can teach you , " Ryan said , before he realised what he was saying , what that implicated , but when he saw the smile on Jon 's face he figured it was worth it . " Maybe , " Jon said , before turning back to the city . " It 's not easy , " Ryan said after a while , " I mean , the yoga was , but the meditation , it 's not like they say , it felt near impossible to turn off the narration in my head . " " I wanted to know more about the culture I guess , learn more about the people . I liked the juxtaposition of old and new . What about you Ryan Ross ? " Jon asked , " What brings you to Mysore , specifically ? " Ryan grinned . " You know when people say they fell into something , I fell into teaching yoga . I was having a hard time with work and life and everything , and my friend William had started with Ashtanga yoga , and recommended it to me . " He shrugged , " Once I started , I wanted to know more and more , until one of my teachers recommended I take up teaching , on the side of my ' real ' job . " Ryan smiled fondly . " No , a couple of years later I failed a performance review at the paper I worked at , and my boss gave me an ultimatum . Either I fix whatever problem I had , or I leave . My problem couldn 't be fixed . " As the days passed , Jon found himself falling more and more in love with Ryan . So much so that the one year mark came and went and he didn 't get that feeling he always got , the need to leave . When he talked to Tom , he just laughed at Jon , and asked if he 's taken Ryan 's picture yet . The truth was he hadn 't . Even though Ryan was more open with him , he was worried it would scare Ryan away . Photographing people he didn 't know and will probably never see again was one thing , but trying to photograph someone he hoped to spend a long time with was a whole other thing . But he wanted to . Ryan was beautiful , even more so now that Jon could watch him properly , without having to hide his admiration , his fascination . Then , on a hot May afternoon , Ryan told Jon that his stay was over , and he was going back to Chicago . Ryan didn 't ask him to follow , and Jon didn 't offer , but the day after Ryan left , Jon booked a ticket and followed anyway . He went to Tom 's place first , let himself in using the key hidden behind the fire hydrant , and dumped his bags . Then he went to ForeverNever . " Jonathan Jacob Walker , " Tom said , " you don 't call to tell someone you 're coming back into the country ? " but he was already around the counter and throwing his arms around Jon . " It was sort of last minute , " Jon said , grinning into Tom 's shoulder , " I wasn 't sure it was going to happen until I was actually on the plane . " " He 's here already , " Tom said , " and you couldn 't live without him . " Jon shrugged . " Oh JWalk , you were always hopeless , you know that ? " Jon stayed at the gallery until closing time and then went home with Tom . The next day he went to the suburbs and visited his mom . After the initial shock and subsequent doting , she insisted on feeding him . " You 're so thin , " she kept saying , " didn 't they feed you in India ? You told me they took good care of you . " " They did , mom , " he said , " all of them . " He knew he 'll have to sit her and his dad down and tell them about Ryan eventually , but for now , he was happy sitting on the kitchen counter watching his mom make his favourite food while he told her about the Hanging Temple and the witch doctors and the Ashtanga masters . He ended up staying the night . The next morning though , he sat his mom down , after she had insisted on making him French toast for breakfast . " There 's something I need to tell you , " he said . " I 'm sure that whatever it is , it will be fine , " she said , " you don 't need to look so nervous . " " Oh , " she said , " I see . " She paused . " You need to appreciate that this is a lot to take in , " she said , " a lot to process . " " I know , " he said , " I 'll leave , take all the time you need , I 'll just get my stuff . " He was up and in his old room again before she can stop him , but she met him at the front door . " Are you going to tell dad ? " he asked . " I don 't know , " she said , " I just , I need time . " " No that 's okay , " he said , " just let me know when you 're ready . " He only moped around the house until Tom came home . Then Tom insisted on taking Jon out . Jon didn 't resist too hard . Tom took him to the Empires bar , which was started up by a couple of Tom 's friends . It was a nice place , cosy and loud at the same time . There was a band playing in the corner on a small stage and a small crowd standing around them . " I wish I could say the same , " Jon said , shaking Max 's hand as well . " Like you ever gave me a chance , it was always look at these shots , isn 't it awesome here - " Tom said , rolling his eyes , but his tone was endeared . " It was awesome , " Jon said , " I always think my shots aren 't enough to show that . " " He 's not mine , " Jon muttered . " He 's the reason Jon is back in town after so long , " Tom explained . " Totally yours dude , " Max said , grinning wider . Jon bit his lip and didn 't reply . He couldn 't really deny it , especially when they said it like that ; it made him feel warm on the inside . The conversation moved on , and he told them a bit about his trip , and about what he hoped to do now that he was back . " You know , " Sean said , " there 's a couple of people we know , magazines and the like , you think you 'd be interested ? " " You 're going down , " Max said and held out a fist in front of him . Jon watched as Max lost to Sean in rock paper scissors and slid out of the booth . " We like to have one of us at the bar at all times , " Sean explained , then smirked , " Max loses that game all the time . " A moment later another guy slipped into the newly vacated seat . " Ryan J , " he introduced himself , " sorry I 'm late . " They explained to him about Ryan , who was now known as ' Jon 's Ryan ' and Jon couldn 't stop himself blushing . The night passed quickly . Tom 's friends were cool and the conversation meandered all over the place before they realised it was 2am and Sean , who was now at the bar , was ringing the bell for last call . Tom and Jon said their good byes and strolled back to Tom 's apartment in the warm night air . It started to rain the moment they walked in , and by the time Jon crawled into bed it started to thunder . He fell asleep counting the marshmallows between lightning and thunder . The next morning he got himself a cell phone and a new number and then called Ryan . " Good morning , " he said cheerfully , once Ryan picked up . " Who - " Ryan started , " Jon ? " " Cool , " Jon said . He gave Ryan Tom 's address and they hung up . Jon then went out for a haircut , and new clothes . When he met Tom for lunch later that day , Tom couldn 't stop laughing . " You 're such a girl , " he said , when he had settled , " you 've been going out how long ? And it 's been less than a week since you last saw him . You don 't need to impress him . " " I remember you from the gallery , " Ryan said . Jon couldn 't help noticing how his lips were now red and slightly swollen . " You 've been to ForeverNever ? " Tom asked curiously . " Bill ! " he said , " Bill you should consider staying at Mike 's or Gabe 's tonight , and you should leave right about now . " He paused to listen , " yeah , " another pause , " Yes , good bye , Bill . " And he hung up . " All clear ? " Jon said . When they finally made it to Ryan 's apartment and checked it was empty , their hands were all over each other again . They barely made it to the bedroom , leaving a trail of clothes in their wake . Jon felt a faint twang of guilt before his whole attention was taken up by Ryan and Ryan 's skin and Ryan 's lips . It was over embarrassingly quick , but they both felt too good to really care . They ended up ordering pizza and sitting cross legged on the ground to eat it , with a couple of beers from Ryan 's fridge . They put a movie on afterwards but they only made it half way . They ended up making out lazily on Ryan 's bed , and when Ryan reached for Jon 's cock , his strokes were just as slow . Jon gasped when he came , lips pressing at Ryan 's shoulder . When the fuzziness in Jon 's head cleared he kissed Ryan 's shoulder , and trailed down his chest , his waist , making Ryan squirm , then freeze when Jon bit lightly at Ryan 's hip bone . When Jon wrapped his lips around Ryan 's cock , Ryan tangled his hands in Jon 's hair , but didn 't try to direct his movements . It was sloppy and probably not the best but Ryan didn 't last long , arching off the mattress , open mouthed and silent . When it was over , Jon wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and crawled up to wrap himself around Ryan . They used Ryan 's t - shirt to clean up instead of getting up and then they fell asleep curled around each other , with Jon 's nose pressed to the top of Ryan 's spine . The next day they woke up to Ryan 's alarm . Jon moaned , and tried to pull the covers over his head , but Ryan was already sitting up . " Come back , " Jon mumbled . " I have to go to work , " Ryan said . " Let 's go , " he said , and was out of the bed before Ryan could reply . They get ready in easy silence and were out the door in half an hour . When they made it to the Academy , Ryan convinced Jon to come down with him , and that 's how he ended up meeting William for the first time . " Nice to finally meet you , " William said , " Ryan wouldn 't shut up about you . " " Bill ! Shut up ! " Ryan said , horrified . William laughed and Jon grinned . " He talks about you a lot , too , " Jon said , " I feel like I almost know you . " When he 'd walked away William looked Jon straight in the eye . " You break his heart , I break your face , " he said fiercely . " I won 't , " Jon said , eyes wide . William may have been much taller than him but he looked like he 'd snap with hardly any effort . The look in his eye though , made Jon believe him . When Ryan had organised everything , they headed out again . They decided to leave the car in the Academy parking lot and walked instead . Ryan said there was a place around the corner that made the best coffee Ryan had ever tasted . Jon watched Ryan as they sat in the sunlight , and his fingers itched for a camera . He took a couple of days to polish off his CV . It hasn 't been touched for a while , but when it came to filling in what he 'd done for the last three years , he didn 't know what to say . He ended up staring at it for a whole day without writing a word . The next day though he was determined . He even got most of it finished before Tom came home that night . And the day after that he called up the people staying in his apartment and gave them two weeks ' notice so he could move back in . He spent the next two weeks looking for work . He put on a shirt and tie and went down to offices all over Chicago , anyone who could possibly need a photographer . When he moved back into his old apartment he was still getting nowhere . He was starting to think about stepping outside of the box , about maybe setting up a photo development store or becoming a portrait photographer . He was surrounded by dusty boxes and crumpled up newspapers when he got a phone call . " Hello , " the voice on the other line said , " is this Jon Walker ? " Ryan was not freaking out . Ryan was very quietly hyperventilating in the corner of his room . He heard a voice and looked up to see William looking down at him with a paper bag . He took it from William and breathed into it . " What if they don 't like me ? " he said into the bag , " what if they hate me ? " He manages to calm down enough to pick out his best shirt , a paisley button down , and matching pants , then he put on all his bracelets . They , more than anything , calmed him down , helped to ground him . He polished his shoes and when he finally slipped into Jon 's car , he felt ready . " It 's not war , you know , " Jon said , though he looked nervous too . " You 're going to be fine , " Jon said , leaning over to kiss him on the cheek before pulling out into traffic and started the long drive . When they arrived , Jon found his hand and squeezed before ringing the door bell . The door was answered almost immediately and they were ushered in by a woman who had Jon 's eyes and smile . " You must be Mrs . Walker , " he said , taking her hand when she offered but instead of shaking it he brought it up to his lips instead . They sat in the living room while she went off to the kitchen , no doubt to put on the finishing touches . Jon followed her , leaving Ryan with Mr . Walker . He tried not to feel too scrutinised but it was hard with Mr . Walker 's unblinking eyes . " You did a great job with Jon , " he said . " Obviously not good enough , " Mr . Walker said . Ryan felt his heart sink , but before he could even contemplate a reply Jon was calling them into the dining room . They ate in silence for a while . Ryan really didn 't know what to do after that , he couldn 't see the point of continuing if they weren 't going to even give him a chance , but there was no way of telling Jon without being noticed by his parents as well . " So Jon said you 're a yoga teacher ? " Cathy asked . " And what were you doing in India if you had a business to run ? " Mr . Walker said . " The Academy had settled into a routine , I trust my partner and our teachers very much , " he said , " I went to further my knowledge , so I can pass it on to my students , give them more opportunities , a better experience . " " And that 's where you met Jon ? " Cathy said . " Yeah , " he said , turning to Jon and for the first time since dinner started he smiled , " he swept me off my feet . " Jon smiled back and squeezed his hand under the table . Ryan felt instantly calmer . After dinner he helped clean up , insisted on washing the dishes while Cathy put the left overs away . " Do you love him ? " she asked him when he turned the water off . The rest of the night went relatively smoothly . When Mr . Walker found out he follows hockey they got into a long discussion about teams , which helped the situation a lot more . When it was time to head out , he got a hug from Cathy and another hand shake from Mr . Walker and he told them it was a pleasure meeting them . Jon 's first day at the Puddle Jumper offices was busy . He was assigned to Ashlee , a short , pretty blond who took him around the offices and introduced him to people and told him how everything works . The offices themselves were nothing like he expected them to be . They were big and bright and there was always the sound of people working . The huge desks were laid out so that every two were against each other with only piles of books separating them . Jon 's was still bare but Ashlee 's , whose desk was behind Jon , was covered with papers and photo prints and little colourful knick knacks . " How do you even work in that ? " he asked her when she showed him . " It 's easy , " she said , " you just work around what you don 't need , besides , as long as I know where everything is . " " But there 's no space , " he said , amused . " Don 't even bother , " a voice said from behind Jon 's desk divider . Jon looked over and saw what looked like a hobo , fingerless gloves and all , even though it was almost summer . " You must be the new guy , " he said , " I 'm Alex Greenwald . " She laughed and pushed some stuff aside from her desk just to put more stuff on it . " How 's your writing ? " she asked . " It 's alright , " he said , " the last magazine job got me to do little reviews every now and again . " Things were perfect for a while . Jon took to exploring the city with Ryan and they were constantly finding new spots , cafes with the best cup of coffee , or restaurants with the perfect view . Jon took pictures of them all then wrote short articles about them , getting Ryan to proof read for him before submitting it to Joe for editing . He finally plucked up enough courage to take pictures of Ryan too . Those ones however , he kept in a separate file . Ryan was guarded at the start but as time went by , he learned to ignore it , and that 's what Jon loved the most , because it was like catching Ryan unawares . If Jon could make a living off just taking pictures of Ryan , he would never do anything else . " You 're staring , " Ryan said , not even looking at Jon . " I was just thinking about how beautiful you are , " Jon said . Ryan made a face , crinkled his nose . " No one 's ever called me that before . " He could see the faint blush colouring Ryan 's cheeks . Jon curled his hand around his camera and took a quick snap , hoping he got the right angle to catch the summer sunlight on Ryan 's face , the shadows of his long lashes across his cheeks . " Gorgeous , " Jon said , and Ryan 's lips twitched into a smile . " You are so weird , " he said . " You love me , " Jon replied , and took another photo . Jon finished work early . It rarely happens , so when he handed in his draft and walked to his car he wondered what he could do . The Yoga Academy was about 10 minutes away . As he started the car and left the buildings parking lot , he wondered if Ryan would mind if he dropped in to say hi , maybe pull him away to lunch . He was already on his way so he figured if Ryan wanted he could always say no . He took of his sunglasses as he walked into the Academy . He saw William getting ready to go into a class and waved as he went by . " Ryan 's in his office , " he said at Jon 's retreating back . Ryan 's office , in contrast to the Puddle Jumper offices was small and crowded . It had orange walls , and purple things hanging from the ceiling , and pictures and posters were pasted on the walls . There was a small run down desk that had a folded up piece of cardboard under one leg , and the ever lingering smell of incense . Ryan himself was bent over some paper work and didn 't look up until Jon closed the door behind him . Ryan smiled back . " That 's great , did you want to take a seat ? " Ryan gestured at one of the cushioned seats across from his desk . " I was wondering if you 'd had lunch , " Jon said , " Ash just told me about this little Japanese restaurant down this dodgy alley , I thought we could hit it up before all the hipsters get to it . " Ryan made a low noise but didn 't say anything , his eyes glazed and Jon knew he 'd won . He kissed Ryan again , deeper this time , pulling him closer . Ryan was already half hard , pulling at Jon 's shirt as they kissed . " William is never going to let me live this down if he hears us , " Ryan mumbled against Jon 's lips . " Can we please not talk about your best friend who is 10 feet away in a very quiet room ? " Jon said pulling back to get enough space to help pull off his shirt . Ryan 's button down was next , his bare skin warm under Jon 's hands . Jon pushed at Ryan 's waist until he was pressed against the wall behind his desk . They were pressed flush against each other , still kissing , but Ryan pulled him even closer . " Pants , " Ryan said , against Jon 's lips , " are a terrible idea . " " Essential oil , " Ryan said , " top drawer on your left . " But before Jon could do anything Ryan reached out and pulled the drawer open himself . Their dicks bumped against each other with his movement , and it made Jon moan . Ryan pressed the little bottle into his hand and arched his back , moving ever closer to Jon . " Like this , " he said , stepping out of his pants and pushing them aside so that he can lift one leg around Jon 's waist . Jon pulled the stopper off to open the bottle with shaking hands and drizzled the citrusy smelling oil over his fingers and lowered it to push at Ryan 's hole . When the first finger breached the ring of muscle Ryan moaned , throwing his head back against the wall . Jon took the opportunity to kiss at Ryan 's neck , knowing he 'll leave marks but didn 't care . When he pushed in the second finger Ryan let out a soft whimper that Jon could feel reverberate . Jon pulled out and drizzled more oil on his hand , oiling himself up and pushed in . Ryan let out a small broken sound and Jon kissed him , swallowing the rest of the sounds Ryan made with every nudge deeper . When he was in all the way he paused , burying his face in Ryan 's neck . " So good , Ryan , so hot . " The angle was perfect like this , every movement pushing Ryan against the wall , closer to him . Ryan moved his hips with Jon and soon they set up a rhythm . Jon could feel himself getting close . There was no way he could maintain this pace . " Ryan , " he breathed , " touch yourself . " Ryan moaned and kissed Jon , pulling him closer with one hand as he wrapped the other around himself . Jon could feel Ryan 's knuckles brush against his stomach with every stroke , matching their every thrust . Ryan became erratic before he froze , coming over their stomachs . He stroked himself through it as Jon sped up , feeling every pulse of Ryan 's orgasm clenching around him , and he was coming too , moaning into Ryan 's skin . They stayed like that for a while after it was over . Jon could feel sweat cooling on his skin and his hair sticking to his head . " This beats lunch any day , " he muttered . Ryan nuzzled at the spot just behind Jon 's ear before letting himself down , pushing at Jon so he would pull out . But Jon just came back and kissed at Ryan 's jaw as Ryan leaned back against the wall , his legs barely keeping him up . " That paperwork is not going to get done today , is it ? " Ryan said . It had just been a thought . Jon was so enamoured with what Ryan did , and how he did it , he wanted to share it with the world . They 'd been lying in bed , boneless and sated , when Jon brought it up . " I 'd like to write an article about you . " Ryan didn 't move , but there was a definite change in the atmosphere . " I 'd rather you didn 't . " " Why not ? " Jon asked , " It 'd be really good , and I 'd get you to see it before Pete even gets a whiff . " " I said no , " Ryan said , and there was no arguing with that tone . Jon sagged . " Okay , " he said quietly , " it was just an idea . " * * * Jon still took pictures of Ryan , but there was something different now . Ryan was stiff , more cautious . When Jon had his camera , he only looked at him from behind hooded eyes , and with sideways glances . He never smiled . He felt Ryan back away from him , more and more , crawl into himself , and Jon wasn 't sure what to do . Everyone gave him conflicting advice . Tom said to try harder , William said to leave Ryan be , he 'll come around when he 's ready . And Ryan kept fading away from him . He thought something would give eventually , would have to , and three weeks later something did . It was Jon . Looking back , he couldn 't remember how it started , or what it was about . He just remembered yelling , and not being able to stop the words tumbling out of his mouth . Everything he 'd ever thought , every little resentful thing he put away and ignored came pouring out . And then he couldn 't take it anymore . " You know what , fuck this , I 'm done , " he said and walked out , grabbing his camera with the rest of his stuff as he left . He went to Empires and sat at the bar , ordered a beer and tried not to think about anything . He was hoping to find Tom there , but only found Sean and Max . It was a busy night , packed ; they only had enough time to tell him that Tom was not there before rushing off to run their business . Jon was on his third , maybe fourth beer when somebody sat down on the stool next to him . Jon looked over when he felt eyes boring into his cheek . The face was a little fuzzy around the edges but he recognised it instantly . " Greenwald , " he said , turning back to his bottle . " Walker , " Alex said , far more cheerfully , " what brings you here ? " And that was the thing with Alex . He found entertainment in other people 's misery . " I left before we had the chance , " he found himself saying , " I only wanted to write the article about him , to show people how great he was , is that too much to ask for ? " " That just makes it better , " Alex said , but Jon had stopped listening , heard himself talking but couldn 't decipher the words . He managed to make it through another two beers before Tom showed up . " Home time , " Tom said , without any introductions or pleasantries . " Okay , " Jon said . The fuzziness had taken over most of his vision and he was suddenly so tired . He let Tom lead him outside where everything started to spin too fast and he needed to pause to throw up in the gutter . " Gross , " he said , wiping his mouth with his sleeve . " Yeah , " Tom agreed , rubbing soothing circles on Jon 's back , " you 're staying with me tonight , and tomorrow , you 're going to explain what happened . " When he woke up the next morning , Jon wanted to die . The light was too bright , the sheets were too loud . He groaned and even that hurt his head . He stared at the curtains for ages , watched the sunlight fade and then get brighter as clouds passed over the sun . He eventually convinced himself to get out of bed . Maybe he 'll talk to Ryan , maybe Tom will help him . It 'll get sorted out , these things usually do . He stumbled into the bathroom and splashed water on his face . His eyes were blood shot , and his hair was standing on angles . He really needed to get it cut soon . When he made it to the kitchen , Tom was already frying up some eggs . " I heard you in the bathroom . " Jon tried to reply but couldn 't think of anything to say . He watched Tom put the eggs on a plate with some toast and then place it in front of him , before going to the fridge and taking out the orange juice . He poured some for both of them , and sat down opposite Jon . " You should eat , " Tom said , " it 'll make you feel better . " They sat in silence for a while , Jon munching on his toast the only sound . " So what happened with you and Ryan ? " Tom asked when Jon was just finishing off his juice . " Nothing , " Jon said , more vehemently than he meant . " Jon , " Tom said , in that tone that got to Jon 's bones . " I think we might 've broken up , " he said sullenly . " You think ? " Tom asked , " Might 've ? How does that even work ? " Sure enough , when Jon came out , Tom had laid out clothes for him . He put on the ones that fit him best and walked out , thinking about calling Ryan , maybe going by , though he still had no idea what to say . Instead of finding Tom he found Ryan sitting in the living room , on the edge of the couch , looking nervous . " What are you doing here ? " he said before he could stop himself . " Jon , listen , " Ryan said , standing up . Jon opened his mouth to interrupt , but Ryan put up a hand to stop him . " Almost , because there are some things about me I just can 't share with the whole world , some things I can 't let go of . " He was a foot from Jon by now . " Are you going to burst into song ? " Ryan asked , looking like he was half amused and half horrified . " Only if you want me to , " Jon said sincerely . As summer completely faded , and autumn turned cold , things continued to shift . Ryan was splitting his time between his own apartment and Jon 's , so much so that Jon had emptied out a drawer for him . He made sure he always had incense and hot sauce , even though he didn 't really like either of those things . Sometimes Ryan would come and hang out at the Puddle Jumper offices , and sometimes Jon would sit in the back of Ryan 's class , writing quietly or discreetly taking pictures of Ryan while he taught his class . In August Jon gave a copy of his apartment key to Ryan . It hadn 't been a big deal at the time . Ryan had needed to get to the apartment while Jon was at work , so Jon had given him the spare . When Ryan came to return it , Jon just closed Ryan 's hand over the key again and told him to keep it . It wasn 't supposed to mean anything besides that Ryan could now theoretically go to Jon 's apartment even when Jon wasn 't there , which Ryan didn 't really see the point of . So he shrugged , added the key to his key chain and didn 't think about it anymore . They had a party on Jon 's birthday , where everyone had a bit too much to drink and a lot more to eat . Jon kept his camera close most of the night , taking pictures of people and things happening around him and not paying much attention to how good the photos actually were . When morning started to break people started to leave . Jon made sure those who needed a ride had one , and that there was nothing still uncovered before seeking out Ryan and going to sleep . The first thing Jon did when he woke up around lunch time later that day was open the Polaroid camera Ryan had bought him . After making cooing noises at it he took it back to the bedroom and woke Ryan up . Ryan mumbled something unintelligible and pulled the covers over his head . " Thank you for the Polaroid camera , " Jon whispered . " I love it , " he said , " let 's try it out . " And before Ryan could protest , Jon was pressing his face next to Ryan 's and taking the picture . It didn 't work . Jon frowned at it and brought it closer to see what was wrong . " Oh , " he said , grinning , " forgot the lens cover . " When Jon woke up on Wednesday , he didn 't want to leave bed . He reached out for Ryan and found the other side of the bed cold . He squeezed his eyes closed and pulled the covers up over his head . It was so comfy and warm , it was safe . When he had to leave in ten minutes he finally pulled himself out of bed , got ready and left . He tried to not zoom through all of the red lights , and after a person nearly got himself killed running out in front of Jon 's car , he tried to keep to the speed limit . That anxiousness , though , didn 't go away . He was only five minutes late to work . He slunk away to his desk trying to not meet any one 's eyes , dumped his bag next to his desk and set his head down on the desk . " Bad night ? " Alex asked over the divide , a smirk on his lips . " Doesn 't look it , " Alex said , laughing before going back to his own desk . Jon had barely had his head down for five minutes when there was a clunk on his desk . He looked up to see a Starbucks coffee in front of him . " Oh my god I love you , " he said , curling his hands around the hot cardboard cup . " I could kiss you right now , " he said , turning to face her . " Hey I saw the article you wrote , " she said , sitting at her desk , and swivelling her chair to talk to him , " Pete liked it a lot . I was surprised because I thought Ryan said he didn 't want an article about him , but I guess - " " I gotta go , " he said , walking to Pete 's office as fast as he could without actually running . He bypassed the secretary and just walked in to the office . Pete 's face brightened when he saw Jon , even though he was on the phone . " Listen I 'll call you back , " he said in to the phone , " yeah , yeah , okay , bye . " He put the phone down and turned to Jon , grinning from ear to ear , " Jon Walker , my man , how can I help you this fine morning ? " Jon wanted to protest , wanted to yell that it took so long for Ryan to trust him that this is going to undo all of that , no matter what Jon said . But he didn 't . He didn 't yell , he didn 't protest because Pete had been so good to him . When he was back in his car he just sat and stared at the parking lot wall for a long time , trying to figure out what to say . He thought about calling Tom , and then didn 't . He went to Ryan 's studio . The class he was in was ending in ten minutes , so Jon waited just outside . It felt like the longest ten minutes of his life . When Ryan walked out and saw Jon he smiled . " Finally decided to give it a try ? " he said , and moved in to kiss Jon on the cheek . Jon opened his mouth to say something , but he had no idea what to say , or where to start . Ryan frowned and stood up then turned to shuffle through his papers till he found the magazine , still wrapped in cling film . He looked at the cover and frowned , then flipped through to the pages until he saw it . " What 's this ? " " What is there to explain ? " Ryan fumed , his voice rising , " this is my life ! And you splattered it all over your magazine . I trusted you ! I told you I didn 't want my pictures to be published ! You asked and I said no ! Does my opinion just not matter to you ? " " Was this the plan all along ? " and he sounded hurt , which was worse , " Was I just an experiment ? A project ? Touch the untouchable ? Even if I said no , you 'll just do it anyway ? I can 't believe I came back to you , I apologised - " " I hope you 're happy , " Ryan let the magazine drop to the ground at their feet , the sound echoing loudly in the small office , " you win . You got me , great pictures . Did they get you that promotion you wanted ? A pay rise maybe ? Have you told your dad yet ? " " You know my job is not about the money - " Jon said , trying to defend himself . " But it 's a job ! And I was the assignment , " his voice was getting quieter , " I thought you were different , I thought - but you 're just like the rest of them . " " Ryan . " And this one did hurt , like a slap in the face , because he wasn 't like the rest of them , if Ryan would just let Jon explain . But it was like his mind had frozen . He could do nothing as Ryan walked out the door , and out of his life . Jon did call Tom then , as he walked out of the office and out of the Academy , with William giving him worried looks before following after Ryan . He only got a busy tone , so he hung up and sat in his car . He didn 't start it ; he just put the key in the ignition and stopped . He wasn 't sure where he would go , just that he needed to leave the Academy or go back inside . He started the car and drove away . When Ryan 's phone started to ring he ignored it . When it wouldn 't stop ringing he turned it off . " You should answer him , " William said , " hear him out . " " There 's nothing he can say that will make this better , " Ryan said , crossing his arms . When the landline stared to ring he picked it up and hung up again . When it started to ring again he disconnected it from the wall . " I 've been thinking , " he said , " we 've been saving for that new branch , do you think we have enough by now ? " " Yeah , " Ryan said , standing up and starting up his computer . He opened a window and showed William a picture of a large studio . " Wow , " William said , " can we even afford that ? I haven 't seen anything like that around here . " Ryan bit his lip . " It 's far . " " Yeah , " William agreed . He looked at Ryan and he just knew , they had to do this . " Two weeks , I need two weeks to sort everything out here first . " Jon moved aside to let William pass . William hesitated , as if he was going to say something , but he just pulled out Jon 's extra key , placed it on the key hook by the door and walked out . He was right , of course . Ryan wasn 't going to listen to anyone about this , not until he 's had time to calm down . Jon called Ryan almost every night . He tried to drop by at the Academy or at their apartment , but William or Gabe were always there , telling him Ryan was busy , or not home at the moment . " Tell him I stopped by ? " he 'd say , and they 'd assure him that they would . About two weeks after the article appeared though , his phone rings . It 's a miserable , rainy day outside , and after Ryan didn 't pick up yet again , he just wanted to curl up and go to sleep . He reached for his phone and is surprised to see that it was William . They hadn 't talked at all since he came to take back Ryan 's things , besides the excuses he gave whenever Jon tried to see Ryan . " Hello ? " he said when he answered . " Jon ! " William said , whispering , " You have to come over now , or , no , it 's too late , meet us at the airport , in about an hour . " The rain was coming down hard now ; his wipers couldn 't really keep up . He saw the yellow light and he knew he should 've stopped , but he just needed to get to the airport , needed to see Ryan one last time if that was what it had to be . He sped up , he could make it , but suddenly there was a bright light , someone 's horn was going off and then nothing . He woke up lying down , rain falling on his face . " What - ? " he said , trying to get up . " Hey , hey , " Tom said , half way through a greeting and a warning . He got up , poured some water in a cup and helped Jon drink it . " What happened ? " Jon asked once he could form actual words . " Only some , I remember - Ryan ! " he remembered suddenly and tried to get up and felt a rush of nausea . He laid back . " Did he - I was going to stop him . " " Oh god , " Jon said , wincing , " did they call my mom ? " " No , remember ? " Tom said , " You put me as your emergency contact ? So they called me and I called your mom . " " What do you remember ? " Tom asked . " Just bits and pieces , " he said , racking his brain , " the light , the jolt , then being in a stretcher , trying to get up , then snatches of the ambulance and the emergency room . " " How much do my parents know ? " he asked , changing the subject . He didn 't want to think about how far Ryan was , now in more sense than one . " Not much , " Tom said , shrugging , " just about the car crash . " " He brought me home , didn 't he ? " Jon threw back . " Is it , was it just a phase , do you think ? " his mom asked , " Do you think you 'll go back to liking girls again ? " When Tom walked up to Jon 's apartment , he wasn 't sure what to expect . Jon had been missing for a week . He didn 't answer his phone , the neighbours hadn 't seen him , and the doctors had told Tom that Jon hadn 't shown up to his last appointment . So Tom searched around the door till he found the extra key and let himself in . The first thing he noticed was that it was dark . The curtains were drawn , and there was a stale smell in the thick air , like the windows haven 't been opened in a while . There was broken glass in the living room , but he found Jon in his bed , hair greasy , and week old beard tangled . " Jon ? " Tom asked , " What the hell - ? Have you left your bed at all ? " " Saturday , " Tom said . " Mm , ' bout a week . " " You missed your doctor 's appointment , " Tom said , " I rescheduled it for you , and I 'm here to make sure you get there this time . " Jon didn 't say anything for a long time . Then he sat up . " I need help wrapping my cast , " he said , not meeting Tom 's eyes . Tom let out a breath he didn 't know he was holding and went to look for a plastic bag and some tape . Tom visited him every day after that incident , no doubt to make sure he was eating and taking his meds and not just lying in bed all day . But Jon wasn 't happy . There was no denying it . He got to a point where he was practically a robot . He went through the motions , a steady routine , and never thought about anything . Sometimes Tom dragged Jon to the gallery with him . He didn 't say why , but Jon got the feeling that he was hoping to spark some sort of inspiration . It didn 't really work . Jon spent his time behind the desk and browsed the internet , or talked to the people who came in . There was nothing that caught his eye , or his interest . He used to be able to find beauty in everything . That 's what made him so good . But these days , he just didn 't see it . He couldn 't see the point . He tried talking to people about it , about losing motivation , but most people either gave him sad looks and told him it will take time , or told him he had to go find it again , to be proactive . There was nothing to do about time , but he tried being proactive . Once he figured out how to use the crutch the doctors gave him , he spent some time in the dark room , developing other people 's photos . He never took his own . But he loved being in the dark room . It was just him and the pictures . It was always awesome to be able to see things come into focus right in front of him . It made him feel like everything could be clear again , if he gave it enough time . He went to his old haunts . He went to the quite park in an out of the way corner , the busy restaurant in the heart of the city , the water 's edge . He even tried going to one of their favourite cafes , but nothing helped . Everything just felt hollow and empty , just things in a shallow world . His parents came to visit sometimes , whenever they could . His mom had asked him to move back home , but he could barely breathe in his own too big apartment , he couldn 't imagine surviving in the small suburban house with his mom constantly hovering . She called him every day though , telling him how she was so thankful he was alive and alright . When the cast came off , they booked him in for physiotherapy three times a week . He was assigned to this girl called Elizabeth , though she made him call her Z . She liked to call him pet names and flirt shamelessly with him , but he didn 't really mind . It made up for all the pain she inflicted on him . " Morning , sweetie . " Jon smiled . " Morning , Elizabeth , " he said , just to annoy her . " I 'm okay , " he said , " I 'm still getting the weirdest dreams . " She laughed . " I meant your leg , " she said , " I 'm not sure I want to know about your dreams . " " Yes , Elizabeth , " he said , as she released and he could feel the tension leaving his muscles and that extra degree of movement coming back . She rolled her eyes at him as she continued the routine . " The beard 's growing in nicely , did you get it trimmed ? " Jon and William stayed in contact . When William found out he apologised for getting Jon into this whole mess , how he shouldn 't have even called in the first place . Jon assured him that it was better this way . At least now he knew where Ryan was . William would check up on Jon 's progress , and Jon would listen for the news on Ryan that William would discreetly , or not so discreetly , drop into their conversations . " Talk to him , " William said one more time , and then hung up . Jon wasn 't even sure why he didn 't want Ryan to know any more . It was embarrassing for one thing , it was meant to be like in the movies ; Jon should 've made it just in time , or Ryan would 've missed his flight , or maybe they forget something and had to go back and met Jon half way , or something . It took two months before he could walk properly on his leg , without a crutch or walking stick . He still had a slight limp , and sometimes if he moved wrong it would send shooing pain through his thigh , but the hard part was over . He took Z out to dinner as a thank you , and it was the first time in a long while that he wished he was more attracted to girls . She was perfect ; smart and funny and gorgeous , and nothing like Ryan except how she was everything like Ryan . He started to look for jobs again once he got more movement in his leg . He didn 't have a wide range of skill sets so his options were limited , especially since he didn 't want to be a photographer anymore . He ended up working for a photo development store . He spent most of his time in the dark room , though sometimes they called him out to talk with customers if they needed something specific that the shop didn 't usually do . He liked the job enough . He couldn 't see himself doing it long term , but it was helping pass the time until he figured out his next move . He thought about travelling again , maybe to Australia this time , but he didn 't feel it in his bones anymore . He didn 't want to think about what that meant , even though he was sure he already knew . He spent Thanksgiving at his parents ' house with his brothers and their wives . He got to meet his nephew for the first time too , two and a half year old Matty . They ended up watching the game while the women worked in the kitchen , but when Jon got tired of the game he got up and sat in the kitchen instead . The women fawned at him for a while and then gave him the potatoes to mash . Dinner was fantastic . They all ate too much , and then settled down for the annual screening of The Wizard of Oz . The next day they went out for a picnic , and they played football in the autumn leaves , though the doctor had told him to take it easy for a while . He messed up his knee by the end of the day but it was totally worth it since his team won . His brothers left on Saturday to see their in - laws , but Jon decided to stay over the weekend . His mom watched him closely as he limped around the house and got some frozen peas to put over his knee while he lay on the couch . It was Gabe though , that finally helped him make a decision . They met up occasionally , and it was a shock when Gabe called him the first time , asked to meet up . Jon later found out that William had sent him to check up on Jon . " I 'm all better you know , " Jon told him , " you don 't need to keep meeting me if you don 't want to . " " What if I want to ? " Gabe said , " What if I enjoy your company ? " Jon smiled . " I 'm just saying , " he said , holding his hands up defensively . " Dude , this is Ryan we 're talking about , " Gabe said , " pacifist , remember ? Besides , how much damage can those tiny fists do ? If I was you , I 'd totally go . " " Grovel for forgiveness ? " Gabe suggested , but Jon just gave him a look , " nah man , the truth , you 'll know when you get there . The words will come , you just need to , you know , get there . " Jon opened his mouth to protest , but Gabe interrupted before he could say anything . " I know it 's true dude , don 't even deny it . " Jon sagged . " What if I go there and he doesn 't want me back ? " Jon didn 't agree straight off . But now that the idea was in his mind it grew and grew till it was all he could think about . He mentioned it to Tom and Sean and Ryan one night while they were at Empires , and it launched a long discussion of pros and cons . All it really managed to do though was validate how much Jon wanted to go , because for all the bad things that could happen , he only needed one good thing . He got to see Ryan again . He didn 't make a big deal of it . He just quietly took a week off work , packed a few things that he needed or might need for a short trip , and booked his ticket , one way so he could come back as soon as he needed to . He booked a hotel room for one night , with the assurance that he could extend his stay when he arrived . Jon sighed and looked around the busy terminal . " I don 't know how to explain it , " he said , " I still love him ; he 's all I think about , what if William 's right ? I need to know , at least then I might be able to move on . " " I would 've come with you , " Tom said . Jon dropped his bag and pulled Tom into a tight hug . " I have no words , " he said , " you pulled me out when I couldn 't see a way . " When Jon landed in Seattle , he went straight to the hotel and dumped his bag in the room . He looked outside the window and he already felt better . He was finally taking a step forward . He called Gabe then . " Gabe ! " Jon said when he answered , " I need the address for the Yoga Academy . " " Yeah , " Jon said . He took down the address and thanked Gabe . " Good luck ! " Gabe said before they hung up . Jon went down to the reception and asked them for directions . The man at the counter pulled out a map from the display and showed him the route . " Did you want me to call you a cab ? " he asked . It wasn 't hard to find the Academy . It was a bright and sunny day , though there was a cold chill in the air . He pulled his hoodie closer to himself and walked across the street . He nearly walked into someone when he got there . Jon thought about it for a second , but just went for the simple answer . " We dated . " A look of surprised recognition passed across the man 's face . " Jon . " And it hit Jon that maybe this was Ryan 's new boyfriend , someone William conveniently forgot to mention . He was getting a sinking feeling in his stomach . " What do you - " The man beside him stood up too and went to the guy who was with Ryan , they talked quietly for a moment and then went back to the car . When they were gone , Ryan turned back to him . He looked tired and pale , but more beautiful than Jon could remember . " Jon , what are you doing here ? " " Ryan please , I 'm sorry I didn 't come out to see you sooner , I 'm sorry I missed the red light and got in a car crash , I 'm sorry I didn 't try harder , I 'm sorry about the pictures , I 'm sorry you had to get so far , I 'm sorry I 'm such an idiot , but mostly , I 'm sorry I let you leave the room . " " Jon . . . " Ryan said again , sounding a little lost for words . " I broke my leg , " Jon said , " Or tore something in my knee ; I didn 't understand everything the doctors said . " He tried to make it sound like no big deal . " I - " " My roll of film was stolen , " Jon interrupted , Ryan had to know , " it was submitted under my name , without me knowing , those pictures were for you , and you alone . " " The text , the writing - " " It wasn 't me , remember that fight , the big one ? " Ryan nodded , " I never told you , it only made sense later , I wasn 't sure - " he stumbled over his words . " Jon , " Ryan said , trying to get him back on track . " I ran into Alex , I must 've said all that stuff , I was mad ! I was drunk , I 'm so sorry , I 'll never do it again , I left the Puddle Jumper , I just want to be with you . " " Really ? " Ryan asked , looking at their hands . The day passed in a blur . The new studio and running into William and going back to the apartment and not doing anything other than sitting on the bed and talking . Ryan ran a finger over Jon 's brow . " Tell me what happened . " " I told him not to , I 'm amazed he listened , " Jon said and smiled despite himself . To Jon 's surprise Ryan leaned in then , and kissed him chastely on the lips , only to pull away and rubbed at his own mouth . " The beard feels strange . " Jon smirked and leaned in himself to close the gap . They made out for what felt like hours , but Jon couldn 't get enough of Ryan 's lips , Ryan 's mouth . Then Ryan 's hands started to wonder , slipping under Jon 's shirt to touch warm skin . " You are overdressed , " he said against Jon 's lips , and pulled one hand free to unzip Jon 's hoodie . " Wait , " Jon said , suddenly getting nervous , putting a hand over Ryan 's to stop him , " are you sure about this ? " They went slow , taking their time with each layer of clothing . Then , when Ryan came to slip off Jon 's pants , Jon pushed off the mattress to help him and winced as his left leg tried to take his weight . Ryan stopped . " What ? What is it ? " " Nothing , " Jon said quickly , trying to shift so it wasn 't obvious , but Ryan saw anyway . Jon straightened his knee out and let Ryan pull his pants completely off . Ryan brushed his thumb against the scar , then pressed his lips to it . " You should have told me , " Ryan said again , pressing another kiss higher up , on the inside of Jon 's thigh . Ryan crawled up and kissed Jon again , but the movement meant that their now hard cocks bumped against each other through Ryan 's underwear , Jon hooked a finger in Ryan 's waist band and pulled them down and out of the way . Ryan shimmying to get the last piece of clothing off only drove Jon closer . " Ryan , " he moaned . " How - " Ryan started . Ryan wrapped his long fingers around both of their cocks and thrust his hips , moving his hand in counterpoint , making them both moan . Jon wrapped an arm around Ryan , burying his fingers in Ryan 's hair and pulled him closer still , then intertwined his fingers with Ryan 's and they set the pace . It was too hot and they should have probably used lube , but at this point all Jon could think about was Ryan Ryan Ryan . There was a sharp pain in his neck and he realised Ryan was biting him as he came all over their stomachs and hands . They didn 't stop moving as he pulled his softening dick free and sped up the pace now that they were slippery with Ryan 's come . It only took three strokes before Jon was coming too , his toes curling and Ryan 's name on his lips . Ryan rolled off and Jon felt the mattress dip as Ryan got up , and again a few minutes later when he returned with a warm wash cloth . Ryan bit his lip but didn 't stop . Jon suddenly wished he had a camera and felt something settle inside him . " I 'm better now , " he continued , watching Ryan closely . They lay in silence for a while , Jon stroking his thumb over Ryan 's bare shoulder as he drifted off to sleep . When Ryan 's eyes fluttered closed and didn 't open again , Jon planted a kiss on top of his head . " I love you , " he whispered .