THE OTHER BOYS were already starting a baseball game by the time I got to school . I was almost late cause I wanted to ride my new bike and Mom said it wasn 't safe and didn 't want to let me . Mom always thinks everything 's unsafe - she won 't let me climb trees either and she freaked out when I put my feet in the shallow side of the pool at Paul 's birthday party cause she said I 'd fall in and drown . Anyway , I didn 't want to walk because all the boys ride bikes and that 's all I 've ever wanted to do since I was four and saw the big boys coasting down the street without even moving their feet on the pedals . Besides , I was in the fifth grade , too big to walk to school with the little kids . " You let Jeremy ride , " I said when Mom said no . Jeremy 's my older brother . He 's in his last year of middle school . Next year I 'm gonna get to go to middle school , too , and maybe I 'll meet other boys like me and kids will stop picking on me and I can stop getting in trouble for fighting . I threw my bookbag down on the floor . " It 's not fair . I never get to do anything I want to and Jeremy gets to do everything . " " Like hell you 're not . " Mom turned her back on me . I knew she was doing the breathing exercises Dr . Johnson had told me to do too , when I get angry , ' cause her shoulders were going up and down . After a minute , she turned back and said calmly , Mom stepped around me . I heard her feet thumping up the steps and I knew she was going to get Daddy . I still didn 't care . I was sick of not being able to do what my brother and all the other boys always got to do . I crawled to the foot of the steps to see if I could hear what Daddy was saying . He was usually grumpy in the mornings , but sometimes he actually took my side . I heard Mom say , " I don 't care what they call it . She 's not disabled . She just doesn 't want to behave . " Daddy said , " You can 't deal with her the same way as you do Jeremy . She won 't react properly . That 's why they call it Oppositional Defiant Disorder . " I pulled my knees up to my chest . What was Oppositional Defiant Disorder ? Whatever it was , it sounded bad . I knew something was wrong with me cause all of last year we 'd gone to see Dr . Johnson instead of going to Sunday school , but I didn 't know it had a name . Dr . Johnson wasn 't a regular doctor . He was a psychologist and he said he was there to help us all get along better , but I knew we were really there because I threw a tantrum in the wallpaper store when Daddy wouldn 't let me get the wallpaper I wanted and it went on all afternoon til the store people told us we had to leave . " Well , I 'm not giving in to tantrums . Besides , she 's so clumsy . If she rode her bike , she 'd more likely than not fall into the street . " " I 'll handle her . " Daddy sounded more tired than mad now . I heard the bed creak and I knew he was getting up . I ran back into the kitchen and got my backpack so he wouldn 't know I 'd been listening . Daddy came downstairs . He had thrown his red checkered bathrobe on in a hurry ; his belt dragged on the floor behind him . " Jasmine , " he said as I came back into the living room . " Oh , there you are . " " Yeah . " I tried hard to hold onto what I had been about to say . But I knew that by the time Daddy finished saying whatever he was going to say , I 'd lose my courage . I wouldn 't tell him I wasn 't a girl . It was crazy anyway , me thinking I was a boy when I had a girl 's body . I hadn 't even told Dr . Johnson . I didn 't want him to tell me there was something wrong with me . " So today is not a day for riding bikes to school , " Daddy said . " Because young ladies don 't have tantrums . But maybe tomorrow will be better . In the meantime , fix your braids and I 'll give you a ride to school so you won 't be late . " " Okay , " I mumbled . I always lost the urge to fight when Daddy talked to me . Maybe he didn 't know I was a boy , but he knew I was a person , and he almost never ordered me around like Mom did . I wished I could tell him about me , but I just didn 't know how . I ran in the bathroom and pretended to be fixing my hair , but really I was just wasting time so that I would stop feeling like crying for once and for all . I didn 't want to look in the mirror cause I didn 't like seeing a girl 's face looking back at me . Especially with the stupid , long braids tied back with yellow hair ribbons Mom made me wear . One day I was gonna sneak down in the middle of the night and grab the scissors and cut those braids off . I played with my bookbag the whole way to school . I had a Red Sox baseball cap stuffed inside , on top of all my books , that Grandma had given me when nobody was looking . I wanted to put it on and stuff my braids up in it , but I was too afraid to do it in front of Daddy . Instead , I stared out the window while he played with the radio . As we zoomed past house after house , I tried to imagine the people who lived there . I tried to imagine another boy like me who lived in a girl 's body . I couldn 't do it . A yellow sign by the dead end said , " Autistic child neighborhood " in big black letters . " What does autistic mean ? " I asked Daddy . Daddy 's hands tightened on the steering wheel . " It 's a special kind of person , " he said . " Sometimes autistic people don 't talk and other times they do . But in any case they don 't relate to the world the same way we do . " I looked away as I got out of the car . There was nothing I could say that wouldn 't hurt me . I pretended to be walking into the playground . As soon as Dad 's shiny gray car had pulled away , I ducked down behind the fence and took out my baseball cap . I pushed my braids onto the top of my head and put the cap on top of it , but they wouldn 't stay there . I could feel them falling as I ran into the playground . Whatever . I didn 't have time to mess with them . My friend Paul was over in the baseball field with a bunch of other guys . I ran past the jungle gym to the field . I almost stopped , but I decided I didn 't want to be on the top of the world looking down today . I wanted to play baseball . Besides , there were some first grade girls hiding in the bottom , playing house or something , and I didn 't want to bother with them . Paul and some other fifth grade boys were lined up against the fence , waiting their turn to bat . The sixth grade boys were in the field . Paul turned towards me as I came up . He frowned but didn 't say anything . " Hey Paul , " I said , picking up the lighter bat from the ground . The heavy one was too heavy for me to hold . Maybe when I went through puberty I 'd get muscles . I tightened my grip on the bat . It took all my energy to stop myself from swinging it at anybody . I glanced at Paul , but all he said was , " She 's not my girlfriend . " The bell rang . That meant we had two minutes before we had to go line up at the door . I wanted a chance to bat so I pushed my way past all the other boys to get to the front of the line . " Hey ! " a boy said . " We said no girls allowed . " I dropped the bat before it could get me in trouble . I could feel my braids tickling the back of my neck . I shoved them back up into the baseball cap and said , " Take it back , or else . " Everything started happening too fast after that . I couldn 't remember later what happened when . Maybe Joey punched me , maybe he didn 't . All I know is , somehow I got shoved and I fell into a puddle of mud from where it had rained the night before . After I fell , Joey got on top of me and hit my back and pulled my braids . The next thing I remember is one of the lunch mothers grabbing me and holding me back while another one held Joey back . I kept trying to pull away and get at Joey but she was holding me too tight . Mr . Jacobson ran towards us . " Jasmine , " he said , and his voice sounded sad like Daddy 's always does when I throw a tantrum . " Please don 't tell me you 're fighting again . " Joey started saying a lie about how I grabbed the bat and was going to hit them with it if they didn 't let me play . I pulled as hard as I could to get free of the lunch mother so I could get at him . She squeezed my wrists so tight it hurt , but I didn 't care . Mr . Jacobson turned towards me , but before he could say anything , the lunch mother holding me said , " Well , you should have known better , Jasmine . Coming over here and bothering the boys . Why can 't you just play nice with the other girls instead ? " " CAUSE I ' M NOT A GIRL ! ! ! " I screamed . I could hear everyone laughing . Joey and the teachers and the lunch mothers . I couldn 't see behind me but I bet even Paul , who was supposed to be my best friend , was doubled over hysterically . Mr . Jacobson knelt down so his eyes were across from mine . " Jasmine , " he said softly . " You 're old enough to know that 's not true . " " When you were younger , it didn 't matter that you liked doing boy things , because boys and girls all played together . But now that you 're in fifth grade , sometimes the boys are going to want to do their own thing . You 're too old to throw tantrums over it , Jasmine . You 're just going to have to accept it . " Mr . Jacobson chucked me under the chin . " You can find girls to play with who like to do the same things you like to do . But if the boys don 't want you to play , you have to leave them alone . " " NO ! " I screamed as loud as I could . I wanted to make him understand , but I couldn 't . There were no words for what I felt . All I could do was throw a tantrum . " Yes you will . Come on . " Mr . Jacobson nodded at the lunch mother and she let me go . Mr . Jacobson took my hand firmly and started walking me to the office . I wanted to fight him but there wasn 't enough fight left in me . All I could do was cry like the stupid girl I wasn 't . There was a little bathroom next to Mr . Jacobson 's room in the big principal 's office . I could hear the assistant principal and the secretary and everyone whispering as Mr . Jacobson walked me past his door to the bathroom . They were saying , " What has that Jasmine done now ? " and stuff like that . Mr . Jacobson told me to go wash up . It wasn 't the first time I 'd been in his office , but it was the first time he 'd ever let me use his bathroom . I turned on the sink and grabbed a bunch of paper towels . I made them as wet as I could and scrubbed my face without looking in the mirror . I could hear Mr . Jacobson on the phone , probably with Mom . " No , no punishment . Not this time . I think her tomboyishness is the key to all of this . No , I know her diagnosis . But it 's not a death sentence , you know . Behavior modification does work and perhaps the school counselor can help her develop some strategies . Yes , of course . I just wanted to let you know . " Mr . Jacobson knocked on the bathroom door . I ignored him . I didn 't want him to come in . At the same time , I wished he 'd come in anyway and see how bad I was hurting and somehow understand and help me . I pulled my head out of the sink and made myself look in the mirror . Look , I thought . You have a girl 's face . They 're right and you 're wrong . You 're a girl . Stop acting crazy before they realize something 's really wrong with you and lock you up . The rest of that day was the worst day ever . Mr . Jacobson let me sit on the bench outside his office for a while , but then he said I had to get myself together and go back to class or else go home for the day . I didn 't want him to call Mom to pick me up , so I went to class . I could feel everybody 's eyes on me as I walked through the door . Joey whispered something to the boy next to him and I was sure they were talking about me . I ignored them as best as I could . I told myself I was a soldier going to war and walked stiffly up to Mrs . Davison 's desk to give her my late pass . All day long , people were looking at me and whispering , and at lunch time nobody wanted to sit with me . The girls ' table was all huddled together ; they glanced at me and then whispered to each other . As if I wanted to sit with them anyway . As I walked down the aisle looking for a seat , people said things like , " Freak ! " There was a seat next to Paul , but he put his baseball glove on it when he saw me coming . I ended up sitting on the floor next to the table , wishing I was still little enough to crawl underneath it while I unwrapped my peanut butter sandwich . After lunch was recess , but I didn 't feel like playing . I found a tree with a branch low enough that I could climb into it and sat there the whole period , watching the boys playing kickball and trying not to cry . The lunch mothers passed by a couple times , but luckily nobody said anything to me , cause there was no way I was gonna get out of that tree til I was ready . After lunch , we went back to the classroom and did math and science and history , but I didn 't pay attention . I opened the history book to a different page and sat and read all afternoon without remembering what I 'd just read . Mrs . Davidson told me in a weary voice to stay focused . I ignored her and she didn 't push it . When school was finally over , I walked out to the bike rack and pretended I was unlocking an invisible bike . If only I 'd been able to ride my bike to school today , everything would have been different . I walked off , pretending I was riding . When I got to the place where there were high bricks lining the lawns , I jumped onto the bricks and pretended I was a circus person walking on a balance beam . Daddy 's car was in the driveway when I got home . This was bad . He was never home before 6 except on Thursdays , and today was Tuesday . I came slowly around the corner and up the path to the front door . Mom and Daddy were on the couch in the living room when I walked in . I looked from one to the other . They both looked mad . Daddy was staring at me and Mom had her lips pressed tightly together . Mom started to say something but Daddy touched her shoulder and she stopped . Daddy said , " Mr . Jacobson called this morning . He said you were fighting again . " " You didn 't have to finish it . How many times do I have to tell you , Jasmine ? Fighting is never the answer . If someone bothers you , walk away . " " You don 't understand . " I could feel my voice rising even though I was telling it to sound calm . I hated myself for that . Everyone thought of me as that bad kid who fought and had tantrums all the time , and the truth was I didn 't want to fight . Ever . It just always seemed to happen cause I couldn 't stop getting mad . " Don 't start ! " Mom said . " Mr . Jacobson might handle you with kid gloves when you pull that crap , but I 'm not going to . There was no reason for you to be bothering those boys . You know Joey 's a bully . Just stay away from him . " " Look , " Daddy said . " We have a problem but I think we can solve it . Mr . Jacobson said that you won 't play with the girls and that you seem to wish you were a boy . " " Nothing . " Daddy wouldn 't stop looking at me and I knew I had to make something up or else he wouldn 't leave me alone . " They 're mean . " " The problem is , " Daddy said , " that besides Paul you don 't seem to have any friends . And now that you 're older , Paul 's going to want to play with boys . So you 're not going to be able to play with him all the time . I 'm sorry , Jasmine , but like it or not , you are a girl . You 're going to have to accept that . " " I 'm not a girl ! " It sounded stupid and a voice in my head said I was lying . Mom and Daddy were seeing a girl when they looked at me , so how could I not be one ? But at the same time , I was telling the truth . " Stop that ! " Mom said . " This has gone far enough ! Jeremy is a boy . You 're a girl . You know that . And it 's time you started looking like one , too . This weekend we 're going shopping . You 're too old for Jeremy 's hand - me - downs . " Just then the front door squeaked open and Jeremy came in . It was hard to see him because it was already getting a little bit dark out and he looked like a shadow in the doorway . A shadow wearing a baseball cap and probably a baseball uniform . I couldn 't wait for him to grow out of those clothes so I could get a chance to wear them . " Okay . " Jeremy headed for the steps . " I 'm gonna do something in my room , then . Jaz , come up when you 're done . I wanna show you something . " He ran upstairs so fast the house shook with every step . Mom 's eyes narrowed . Daddy said , " I don 't see any point to discussing this anymore . Now this has been a very bad day , but I 'm sure you can redeem yourself , Jasmine . Go do your homework so you can earn a sticker . " I wanted to go upstairs and see what Jeremy was doing , but I wanted to stay here and somehow make them understand there was no way I was wearing girls ' clothes . Daddy raised his eyebrows at me . " Come on , Jasmine , " he said . " Don 't you want to do the right thing ? " I couldn 't explain that it didn 't have anything to do with what I wanted . Everyone thought I was bad on purpose . Even Daddy . I shuffled away towards the steps . I wanted to run up them the same way Jeremy did , but I just didn 't have the energy . I pushed the door open a little further and came into the room . Jeremy was sitting on his bed , looking at his baseball card book . It was really just a photo album Daddy wasn 't using and had given him cause he was tired of telling Jeremy to pick up his stuff from the floor . He had some new cards spread out on his bed . There was a pile of dirty clothes on the floor behind him , but otherwise his room looked pretty clean . I grinned . I didn 't even care who the players were , if they were Red Sox and Jeremy was in a generous mood , I 'd take them . He took three cards out of his pile and handed them to me . " Well , it 's a good thing for him I 'm at Harbor Middle now . I 'd kick him in the balls if I were there and I 'd be like , that 's just a warning . Don 't mess with my sister again . " My stomach tightened . " Bet Daddy wouldn 't get on you about it like it was your fault , " I said bitterly . I didn 't wanna fight against Jeremy when he was being nice to me but I hated him for not knowing I was a boy and for thinking I needed him to defend me . " Yeah , he would . He doesn 't like fighting . But I wouldn 't care . I 'd just take my punishment like a man and know I did the right thing . " I bit my lip . Jeremy bent his head over his baseball card collection . He was organizing the loose cards into piles so he could put them away . " Jeremy ? " I said . " Thanks . " I leaned against the doorway , wanting to say so much more and not knowing at all where to begin . Jeremy glanced up at me , and for a second I had this crazy thought like he saw into my brain and understood me . I blinked to get rid of it . " I got homework , " I said . " I guess I 'd better go do it before Daddy comes up to check on me . " I went to my room and took out my homework things , but instead of working I sat at my desk staring into space and thinking . I wondered whether going to the store with Mom was an example of taking my punishment like a man and wished I could ask my brother . But I was afraid he 'd laugh and say that I meant " like a woman " and that would hurt too much . So I just doodled while my thoughts went around in circles . The rest of the week went fast . I stayed out of trouble , mainly cause instead of playing at recess at all I just spent my time in that tree , watching the other kids play and thinking about how strong I was gonna be on Saturday when I had to do my punishment . On Friday Mrs . Davison put on my weekly progress report that I was so quiet during class that she thought I might be getting sick . When I brought it to Mr . Jacobson to get his comment , he smiled and said , " I knew you could do it , Jasmine . Keep it up . " I couldn 't figure out why I felt numb on the inside when I should have been feeling happy that I was doing what everyone wanted me to do . " Maybe . " Jeremy 's quarter clanged down onto the table . He flicked it with his fingers so it slid across into his other hand . " Depends on if you can ride without falling flat on your face . " I glanced at Jeremy . He looked away from me but not before raising his eyebrows and I knew he 'd seen exactly what I 'd seen - Mom didn 't want me to ride my bike . It made me feel good even though I was annoyed . " What 's wrong with this shirt ? " I asked . I was wearing my favorite t - shirt . It was solid blue with no picture on it . It made me feel grown - up to wear it . " Why does everything have to be a battle with you ? Just change it . And comb your hair while you 're at it . You have such beautiful hair ; why do you want it to be all tangled ? " I went upstairs but I didn 't change my shirt . Instead I played with my hair , trying to tie it up into a bun like the teachers at school sometimes wore . Maybe if I got enough of it up , I could put my Red Sox cap over it and nobody would know I had girl 's hair . Then maybe I 'd look like a boy and everyone would stop trying to make me into a girl . My hair kept falling down so I put it into a long ponytail and told myself I was a rock star . Boy rock stars always had long hair . I folded the ponytail up onto the top of my head and put the cap over it before it could fall down . When I went downstairs , Mom 's eyes narrowed but she didn 't say anything . " Your hands look empty to me . " Jeremy laughed and went out the door . " See ya ! " he called over his shoulder . I heard him jump off the porch . Mom rattled her car keys as she went outside . I followed her slowly , feeling like I was going to jail . I stared at my feet the whole way to the car , even when Mom told me to stand up straight . The car ride wasn 't long , but it felt long cause Mom put on old music that made me feel sleepy , plus I didn 't know what was gonna happen once we got there . I wanted to get it over with , but at the same time I wished we would never get to the clothing store . It seemed like there were kids playing everywhere . A boy on a skateboard did some kind of flip as he went down the sidewalk . Forget a bike , I thought . I want to learn to ride one of those . The clothing store was in a big shopping center where you couldn 't park right next to the stores . I could feel panic rising in my chest as Mom circled around and around , looking for a spot . Once when I was four I got tired of waiting to cross from the supermarket to the car and started to run . If Mom hadn 't been holding my hand very tight I would have got run over . Ever since then , I was scared of big parking lots . After circling around for what seemed like forever , we did find a space far away from all the stores . Mom took my hand when we got out of the car and even though I was really too old to have to hold hands in the parking lot , I didn 't mind . We went into the clothing store . My heart started beating faster and my stomach hurt as soon as we walked in . I looked around for the sign that said " Boys . " " This way , Jasmine , " Mom said , pulling me towards a section that said " Misses . " I scanned the clothes with my eyes . Maybe there 'd be a pair of pants that wasn 't too bad , that I could pretend were boys ' pants . I didn 't see any . Dress after dress after dress hung from the racks of clothing , and if there were any pants it was really obvious they were girls ' pants because they were pink and purple . Even the blue jeans screamed " girl " at me . " Stop being so picky . Look , isn 't this dress cute ? " Mom held up an ugly yellow thing . It was shaped so girls who had breasts could fit into them and had a frilly white shirt underneath the dress part . I looked down at my chest , praying that it was still nice and flat like it was supposed to be . " No , " I said hoarsely , backing away from the dress . " You wear it then . " I looked around , trying to figure out how I could escape to the boys ' section . I felt sick , just thinking about having to try on dresses . I knew this was my punishment for fighting with Joey , but it was too much . I couldn 't do it . " You 're not getting me in any dress . " My heart was beating really fast and my breath came heavy . I was more scared of the stupid dress than I was of crossing the parking lot by myself . " I am under control . " I wasn 't and I knew it . I was busy telling myself sternly to cut it out right now but I couldn 't stop what I was doing . The best I could do was lie to Mom so she wouldn 't have the satisfaction of knowing I 'd lost my temper again . I could feel everyone staring at me . I looked around . All the grown - ups turned away and pretended not to be looking at me when they saw me look back . A man said to a little boy , " See , that 's what you look like when you throw tantrums " as they passed by . Nobody looked at all friendly . Nobody looked like they understood why I didn 't just try on the dress . Was it really possible that in that whole store full of people , there wasn 't one person who felt the way I did ? Was I really the only boy in the whole world who lived inside a girl 's body ? I picked up the dress and stared at it , trying to tell myself that it wasn 't so bad . Mom smiled at me . I wanted to just go in the fitting room and try it on , so that Mom would be proud of me for being good and take me to lunch like she promised . But my feet wouldn 't move and just looking at the dress made my stomach feel tight . " I can 't , " I said . " I just can 't . " Mom didn 't say anything . I knew she didn 't understand , but I didn 't really care . I just wanted her to say , " Okay . Put it back then . Let 's go home . " But I knew she wouldn 't do that . I put the dress back on the rack anyway . Maybe if Mom saw I wasn 't fighting with her , she 'd still think I was being good enough to go to lunch . When I turned back towards her , she had her phone out and was texting . She was probably telling Daddy that I was being bad . I crossed my arms and bit my lip , trying to stop myself from going back into a tantrum . I didn 't wanna go in circles forever and ever . I just wanted to go home . Besides , I was supposed to be taking my punishment like a man , not screaming and fighting like a little boy . I saw a lady coming near us out of the corner of my eye . It was probably a sales lady saying we had to go home because I didn 't behave . That happened a lot in stores . Daddy once said I shouldn 't be allowed to go out in public cause I never behave , but Dr . Johnson said that wasn 't a fair punishment and that I had to learn how to control myself out in the world so he didn 't push it . I hung my head just in case . Maybe if I looked sorry enough , the lady would be nice this time . And I really was sorry , too . I couldn 't help fighting but I always felt horrible afterwards . I looked up again . The lady was very tall , with long dark hair that went down to the middle of her back . She was so much taller than me I couldn 't see what color her eyes were , and she had two necklaces on and shoes that made her look even taller . " I thought that was you . Oh my God , it 's been years . How are you ? " The lady looked at me . " You have kids , I see . " She knew ! Oh my God she knew ! I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time . Mom opened her mouth and I knew she was about to say something about me being a " girl " so I said quickly , " I just turned ten . " The lady bent her head down so I could see her . Her eyes were bright blue , like someone mixed the paint we use in Art with the sky to make them . " You did ! " she said . " I hope you had a happy birthday . " " Well , it was good to see you , " the lady said . " Who 'd have thought Emily Turner would have settled down ? You were such a firecracker in high school … never taking No for an answer and getting away with it because you were so pretty . " " I guess . Come on . " Mom took my hand and we walked off . Of course we didn 't go all the way to the boys ' section the way I wanted . We just went far enough away that the lady couldn 't see us anymore . I wanted so bad to ask Mom to tell me what the lady meant when she said Mom never took No for an answer . But somehow I was too afraid to say anything other than , " Who was that lady ? " " Yes , but that was from a long time ago . I don 't even remember her . I don 't know what kind of person she is or was . " My shoulders felt tight all of a sudden and I could feel my good feelings going away like air out of a leaky balloon . " Cause , " I said . My heart beat really fast and I told myself I shouldn 't say what I was about to say , but I couldn 't listen to myself . " She wasn 't trying to make me into a girl . She saw I was a boy right away . " " It made me feel light inside . " I started talking as fast as I could so Mom wouldn 't start arguing with me and get me back to wanting to fight . " I felt like I was flying up in the sky with 100 lighter - than - air balloons . " Mom did something she 'd never done before in my memory . She kneeled down so she was actually looking in my eyes and put her hands on my shoulders . " Jasmine . Honey . Listen to me . I know you wish you were a boy - " " No , Mom . " I didn 't know where my strength was coming from . I guess it was the tail end of how good I felt when that lady saw me . " I am a boy . " Mom 's eyes widened . I felt like I could see right into her brain trying to understand . She dropped her hands from my shoulders and said softly , " I don 't … " She straightened up real quick and took out her phone from her purse . " I wished I was a boy too when I was little , " she said , opening it . " I felt like Grandma gave Uncle Dan more attention and he wouldn 't play with me and I thought if only I was a boy everyone would love me . But then I grew out of it . " She started texting very quickly and I could see her hands shaking . She hit a button two or three times and said under her breath , " Come on ! " " Who are you talking to ? " I didn 't really want to know but I had to ask . Something about the way Mom was being scared me . I didn 't know if she really got what I 'd been trying to tell her my whole life or not , but something was different . Even fighting was better than this weird silence . " Because . " Mom breathed heavily . " A lot of girls go through a tomboy phase , but you won 't let it go . Maybe he can get through to you . " I crossed my arms like I do when I 'm about to start fighting , but on the inside I was telling myself , Don 't fight . Don 't fight . Don 't fight . That lady , whoever she was , had seen the real me . Maybe there were others like her somewhere . I scanned Mom 's face to make sure she didn 't look angry after all . I almost never got a reward when I went someplace with her , and usually there would be no way she would take me to lunch if I had even one outburst . " Really ? " I said . " I don 't know yet . We 'll figure it out . " Mom reached for my hand . " Let 's just get out of this store . " Wild Gender is an online magazine and creative hub born out of gratitude for the gift of full expression . We are dedicated to creative practices that celebrate gender fluidity , identity and expression . Wild Gender prioritizes visual art , creative writing , and journalistic work by trans / gender - variant individuals who have never before been published in a public venue . Run entirely by volunteers , we are always in search of writers , thinkers , and creators hoping to participate in our growing community . From the Binary 's Outskirts : We lovingly curate art news and critique that pertains to gender fluidity , identity and expression . At WG , we focus on proliferating trans and gender - variant art and art - making . Thank you to all who donate to keep WG active and ad free ! Funds raised go directly to pay for the cost of maintaining this site , any remaining money goes to fund trans artists and their projects . Please click the PayPal button ( above ) to donate . And please Contact Us for more information .