DISCLAIMER : All characters in this story are the property of NBC , Warner Brothers , John Wells , and whoever else . I just borrow them and promise to return them . Don 't worry , I won 't hurt them . I make no money off these fics , I write them for fun . This story was inspired by the song I 've used in it . It is set about 45 years in the future , so yes , Abby is very old . This story is not part of my " Bonheur Trompe " series , but only an idea I came up with today . It is told from Abby 's POV . All of my life I 've wondered what the whole point of the leaves falling off of the trees was . They just come back again as soon as the snow melts and birds come back . I guess it 's just one of those things I never understood , there were always a lot of things I never understood . Like why the clouds always look like some sort of object or person , why we can never elect a president with enough intelligence to run the country the way it should be , or why love is so difficult at times , and so easy at others . When I look back over my life , all 76 years , I often can 't believe some of the things I have endured and put up with . There are lots of things that if I could go back and fix , or change I would . But I guess everyone feels that way when they get to be my age . I shudder at even thinking of some of the things I used to do , those things were incredibly stupid . But there are things that make me smile and laugh , making me glad I put up with the difficult things . If I hadn 't , I would never have gotten many of the best things in my life . I remember back when I was a teenager , all of my friends , myself included thought that once you reached the age of 30 , life would be over . You 'd be old then , getting wrinkles , going to work everyday to a boring job , acting a lot like the adults we knew . Never did I think my life would actually start at 30 . I still remember that first night like it happened hours ago . He ordered a draft , and I had a club soda . We played foosball and he couldn 't play if his life depended on it . I told him over and over you couldn 't spin the players and he couldn 't keep them from spinning . I still remember the feeling of warmth as he slipped his hand into mine as we walked by the lake , and the feeling of terror as that man attacked us . He blamed himself for the man 's death for months . He became secluded and distant , god knows I tried to stay close to him . He was the only thing important enough in my life to try and remain close to . My mom and I were never close , Eric lived 2000 miles away and we hardly ever spoke . Carter and I were good friends , but it still wasn 't the same . Luka had something that made me feel worth it , he made me feel wanted . I longed to feel that way . That is probably my biggest regret . I regret pushing him away from me . My mom came back and I couldn 't take it . I started running to Carter with my problems , afraid if I told Luka , it would only push him away . I pushed him further away , and he tried to get closer . Then Carter told me he wanted to be more than friends , though he didn 't use those words . I wanted him as my friend , I didn 't want him as a boyfriend , I already had one of those . " No , I tell you what happens ! I don 't bitch , and we do care Carter . No , we don 't show it here , but a hospital is not a very romantic place ! " " Whatever , like I said weeks ago . I don 't want to be your friend ; it 's too hard . I fell in love with you a long time ago and not being able to act on it makes our friendship too hard . " " Ok , fine ! I never said I didn 't love you Carter , but I love you as a friend . Maybe , once you realize Luka is a good man and won 't hurt me , you 'll realize that . " It took weeks , but Carter finally started talking to me again . Once he had , we had a long talk . I told him that I did care about him , but I didn 't love him the way he wanted me to . After hours of polka music blaring from a jukebox , cold coffee , and pizza , we left better friends than we had been before . Once Carter accepted that Luka and I were serious , they slowly became friends . It was hard at first for the both of them , but they worked at it , both of them . It wasn 't long before Carter was at my apartment on Sunday nights watching basketball games with Luka , or both of them teaming up with Dave to play practical jokes on Dr . Weaver . One joke that sticks out in my mind is one they played on her after work . She was in the lounge with me , pulling her coat on , getting ready to leave . She had plans to go out with Kim Legaspi , and we were discussing a new restaurant that had just opened . I could hear Luka outside the door as we talked , and saw Dave 's head pop up into the small window every few seconds . Carter was out there too , I can remember hearing him telling Dave to shut up . The three of them together meant trouble , when they were together , it was like being in a classroom full of junior high school boys . Kerry had just said goodnight and was walking toward the door as Dave 's head appeared one last time , and then all of their voices disappeared . She pulled the door to the lounge open and was suddenly soaked with a bucket full of ice water . Her shriek could be heard up on the 5th floor . Dave , Luka , and Carter were hysterical , all high fiving each other and being congratulated by Malik on their great prank . Luka always had a thing for surprises . I think he got a thrill out of them because he knew that I hated them . He surprised me by staying around even when I shoved him away , he surprised me by becoming friends with Carter , and he surprised me with a trip to Disneyland because Carter told him I never got there as a child . Then in February of 2003 , he surprised me again . I had never been a fan of Valentine 's day . Probably because when I was a teenager , if I had a boyfriend , it always seemed to end right before the holiday . Then , when I was married to Richard , it was a rarity he remembered , and if he did manage to remember , he got me a card , and maybe some candy . Then when Carter and Lucy Knight were stabbed on Valentine 's day , and Lucy died , it lost even more appeal . But Luka , he had to go and change that . It was dark outside , and the wind was blowing hard . It was a bone chilling cold ; I 'll never forget that . Luka had asked if me if I wanted him to cook us dinner . Now , I loved Luka with all my heart , but he can 't cook . He tried helping me make a cake once , and it collapsed like a sinkhole . Then he tried making chicken for dinner one night , and not only did he burn it black , but he set a box of rice on fire . I told him I would cook , and was all set to go home and do just that . I remember getting back to our apartment and finding it dark . As I pushed my way through the front door , I found all the lights in the apartment off , and heard Luka call out to me from the bedroom . I found him inside , surrounded by dozens of candles , sitting on the bed with a goofy grin on his face . " I love you more than anything Abby , and I would do anything in my power to make you happy . I have been thinking about this for a long time now , and I want to get old with you . When I wake up next to you everyday I wish that I could lay there forever . I know that things have not always been easy , but we always manage and when it is over , we are closer than before . But Abby , I mean this when I ask you , will you marry me ? " I think my reaction to his question was torturous . I knew as soon as he asked if I would marry him that I would , I just couldn 't form the words to tell him I would . It was like the connection from my brain to my mouth was cut . The whole way he set the proposal up , I never expected it . He had set the candles all around the bedroom . On top of the dresser , atop the headboard , all along the windowsill , I 'm surprised no one down in the street called the fire department thinking the building was up in flames . I can still remember the way my heart jumped when he dropped to one knee in front of me . Then when he pulled the ring box from his back pocket I thought I was suffocating . He was shaking as he spoke to me , and he never stopped looking at me . I didn 't stop looking at him either , I thought he was going to pass out he was sweating so hard . I had never seen a more beautiful ring than the one he gave me . It must have cost him an entire year 's salary and more . Everyone at the hospital was really excited when they found out . Carter hugged me so hard I thought he would crush me . It was really weird , considering how against Luka and I he had been only a year before . Susan and Jing - Mei had wanted a word for word recap of what had happened , and how he had proposed . Dr . Weaver had to pry them away from me to get them to go back to seeing patients . Randi even wanted to design my dress , she told me it could be the first of many ; I could make her famous . All Dave wanted to know was if Luka was having a bachelor party , he wanted to take him to a strip bar . Dr . Weaver was polite , but she hadn 't been in the best of moods for awhile . After Dr . Greene died that previous May , she had changed . She was no longer the bitchy Dr . Weaver everyone was accustom to , she became Dictator Weaver . I think she blamed herself to some degree , she hadn 't always been easy on him during his final months . It was a shock the day we got news he had died , nobody had expected him to go the way he did . He had been to work only two days before , in high spirits . Then Dr . Romano came down not 48 hours later to tell everyone that he had gotten a call from Dr . Corday . Dr . Greene had died in his sleep during the night . Things had been odd for awhile . People had left over the years , and we noticed they were gone , but this time it was different . I had never been close friends with Dr . Greene , but knowing he had died made it strange . It wasn 't like Lydia or Dr . Benton who had moved away , Dr . Greene wouldn 't be coming back , ever . Luka and I didn 't want a big wedding . Neither of us had much family , and we both pretty much shared the same set of friends from the hospital . We finally decided to get married in church , but our reception was small and intimate . Luka 's father and brother flew in from Croatia to be there , and Eric came up from Florida with his girlfriend . My mom came down with Gina , I was actually happy to see her . Ever since she 'd left for Minnesota she had been ok , no more episodes , she had been holding a job and doing ok . Luka asked Carter to be his best man , and Jing - Mei was my maid of honor . We held the wedding that summer in July . " I never thought I 'd be standing up here , congratulating Abby and Luka on getting married . But I learned my lesson a long time ago , and these two really are everything each other needs . So , Abby , Luka , I want to wish you all the best ! " " I always knew these two would get hitched . Remember that time I caught you guys necking in the supply closet ? Yeah . . you remember . Luka man , you had that hickey in your neck for over a month ! " " Abby , I 'm so glad that you and Luka are happy . Ever since you were born and I held you in my arms all I wanted was for you to be happy . I just hope you two stay happy and remember I love you . " That Christmas was wonderful . Luka 's father was one of the sweetest men I knew , and he welcomed me immediately . I had been afraid of what he would think of me , after all , he had known Danijela for years . Even before Luka had married her . But he welcomed me and wanted to know everything about me . We spent hours the day Luka and I arrived talking , although Luka had to play translator . He even gave me a bracelet that had once belonged to Luka 's mother . He told me I was a very special woman , and that anyone Luka loved as much as he loved me deserved to have it . I 've worn the bracelet since the day I opened it , it has never left my arm . Luka took me to the cemetery where Danijela , Marko and Jasna were buried the day before we left . It was on the outskirts of the city , surrounded by a large wall of bricks and stone . It sunk in as we walked on the snowy grass just how many people lost their lives during the war . There were what seemed to be thousands and thousands of rows of graves ; many of them I noticed were young children . We stayed for a long time , just standing by the graves . Luka prayed in Croatian as he left flowers near the headstones . I remember the cold air as it hit our faces , and the way it stung my skin as the snow blew with it . During the next year and a half , lots of things changed . Luka and I moved out of my apartment and bought a house . We flew to Florida for Eric 's wedding and the birth of his daughter Gabrielle . Dr . Finch left for Texas where she got a job in a Children 's hospital , and Dr . Corday left with her daughter Ella . She moved back to England , she never was the same after Dr . Greene died . But none of that even began to compare with the shock Luka and I received . We had just celebrated our second wedding anniversary and I had just been promoted to the position of charge nurse . The change of title never mattered to me , I didn 't really care what I was , I was still cleaning puke and taking my orders from Dave Malucci . But then I started getting headaches , really bad one 's . I brushed them off as migraines and continued on as normal until I stopped to look at a calendar in my date book . I almost dropped to the floor when I realized what was probably wrong . Luka almost started a conga line when I told him what I had realized . He let out a big whoop and kissed me so hard I thought he would swallow my lips down his throat . He was ecstatic and I was scared to death . The last time this happened so many years before I had been terrified . He knew what I had done ; I had gotten an abortion . He started right in , assuring me that the baby would be ok , that if it were sick we would still love it . He started listing the medications we 'd make sure the baby would take , that we 'd watch to make sure it stayed healthy . I hadn 't even been sure there was a baby and he was planning a college education . I knew that if I were pregnant , there would be no chickening out this time . " No it won 't . There is no saying the baby will be sick . And there is just as good a chance the baby could be handicapped or mentally retarded as it is it would be bipolar . " " You are not bipolar . You are healthy , our baby will be healthy , and you will make the best mother in the world . Trust me Abby , I would not lie to you . " That night changed me forever . Luka finally convinced me that night that it wasn 't my fault if our baby was bipolar . After I read the test and told Luka , he broke into a grin that I can still see every time I close my eyes . His eyes got bright and he jumped up from his chair . He ran over to me and wrapped me in his arms , whispering in my ear before he left go and took the test in his own hands . Looking down at it , his grin grew wider before he dropped it on the bathroom counter and took my face into his hands . Then he kissed me for a time I think set a world record . When he finally broke free , he wrapped me in a hug again and then got on his knees and kissed my stomach . I remember him being on his toes the rest of that night and the next day , bouncing around on cloud nine . Luka insisted on taping each sonogram photo we got to the refrigerator . He never missed an OB appointment , no matter what time it was or what day it was he managed to get there . I have to admit , I was probably just as excited as he was . Every time he would go out to the store , he would come back with a new baby item . Clothes or shoes or pacifiers or bibs , he always managed to find a new one he liked more than the one before . He wouldn 't go to sleep at night without talking to my stomach first . He would make up these ridiculous stories in his head and tell them , or he 'd talk about me or himself . Then he would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and talk some more . I swear , If I 'd of known getting pregnant would have caused him to talk as much as he did , I would have bought a pair of socks just to stick in his mouth . Neither of us wanted to know the sex of the baby before it was born . It made looking forward to the birth all the more exciting . By the time I was eight months , Luka was counting the days until my due date . I think I scared him to death when I beeped him two weeks before my due date , after I started having contractions . Luka made it home in less than twenty minutes . It took him about two more to get me in the car . I thought he would kill us as he drove back to the hospital . By the time they admitted me it was over two hours later . I was in labor for the next 13 hours . The entire time I was in labor , Luka kept trying to convince me to have an epidural , and each time he did I told him no . Looking back , I think he wanted it more for his sake than mine . I can 't remember everything I said to him during my contractions , but I know they couldn 't even run some of it on cable TV . By the time I was pushing , I was ready to kill him . I wouldn 't even let him talk at one point because the sound of his voice was making everything worse . He was trying to help , I know he was , but I was in no mood for it at that point . I 'd been an OB nurse for years and dealt with women in labor all day . But dear god , until I myself was in labor , I never knew or understood just how much pain they were in . I thought my body was being torn in two . Luka was great through the whole thing though , even if I acted like a total ass toward him . And as soon as I heard the baby cry , I couldn 't even remember the pain . After they placed him on my chest and let me hold him , my years of worrying about making my children sick were gone . Luka had started crying right after he came out and was standing over me , staring down at us . I 'll never forget that moment ; it was probably the greatest moment of my life . It only took us a few minutes to name him . Matthew Stephen Kovac . Both names Croatian and American . I never wanted them to take him from my arms after they first gave him to me . I fell in love instantly , so did Luka . The next years flew by so quickly I cannot believe it . It was Matthew 's first birthday , then it was his tenth , and then he was sixteen . Before we knew what was happening he was driving and dating . Our house was a constant whirlwind of friends stopping by , eating our food , using our phone and sleeping on the couch . Another regret I have is not watching him closer . I should have known my smoking would have an influence on him . I caught him one day after school smoking with a group of his friends . I yelled and punished him , but I still can 't help but feel bad . I was just as guilty as he was ; I 'd been smoking since I was fifteen . But he was my son ; I didn 't want him making the same mistakes I did . Before we knew what was happening he was graduating . Matthew was accepted to the State University of New York at Cortland . Ever since he was little his dream had been to teach school . He was actually going to attain his dream . I don 't think Luka and I were ever as proud as we were the day Matthew walked across that stage and received his diploma . I pull out the video every so often just to watch again . His graduation was so long ago . So many things have changed and happened since then . Carter moved away and got married three years after Matthew was born . He opened his own practice out in California and got married soon after . He had three kids and still lives out there . He calls every once in awhile to see how I 'm doing , catch up on things . Luka died last summer from a heart attack . That was the worst day of my life . I still have nightmares of when I woke up and found him hunched over the kitchen table , unable to speak . He died later that night at the hospital , his hand wrapped firmly in mine . I still find myself crying a lot whenever I think about him . Luka changed my life in a way no one else possibly could have . He loved me , and showed me he did . He was always there for me and never gave up on me . He was the one person I knew always believed in me . I keep pictures of him throughout the house ; there are tons of them spread all over . My favorite photo is one I took of him and Matthew after we brought him home from the hospital . He 's sitting outside on the front porch , rocking Matthew in his arms . His smile is wide enough to reach the moon I think , and his eyes are gleaming in a way only his could . " Matthew . . Congratulations . " I say , getting up from my seat in the hospital waiting room and wrapping him in a hug . He 's over a foot taller than I am now , and I still want to rock him in my arms . Pulling back , I push his dark hair from his eyes and smile . " Get back to Jenna , go be with your daughter . " I tell him , smiling . He kisses my cheek and starts to walk away ; swinging his arms like Luka used to do . " I love you mom . " He says , turning around . My baby has a baby now . It 's hard for me to believe . As I settle back into the waiting room chair , I find myself staring out the window into the dark night . The moon is bright in the sky , glowing on the trees below . " You 're a grandfather Luka , we have a granddaughter . " I find myself whispering to myself . I 'm alone in the waiting room , a room I use to visit all the time , announcing baby news to waiting family member 's decades ago . It feels like a home to me , it is a comfort , like Luka always was .