While I sat at work , I was still infuriated with my fiancé and his inability to let go of the other woman . The fact that he had to meet me at lunch time to tell her to stop contacting him when he had already promised me it was over , frustrated me and I was sent into an emotional tailspin . I could feel the anxiety building up again . I wanted out of the relationship badly by this point but yet something still held me there . My fiancé and I continued with our therapy sessions . Some sessions were good , some were bad but my anger toward him wasn 't fleeting . I looked at him differently now . He was a stranger and I no longer viewed him as the man who would never hurt me . I lost all respect for him . In therapy one of the promises I had made was that I would not go through his cell phone . I tried hard not to look but it was very difficult not to . Rebuilding trust had to start somewhere , so I put forth the effort into repairing our relationship by giving him the benefit of the doubt . The days went on and the emotional rollercoaster was unstoppable . On certain days I would be so in love with him and other days I despised him . One particular night when my love for him was wavering , I went against my better judgment and as he slept I grabbed his cell phone to begin searching . I had no idea what I was looking for , since he changed his number , however I wanted to make sure he wasn 't contacting her . My heart raced and was pounding out of my chest . " Oh please God " I prayed , I didn 't want to find anything . I looked through contacts … nothing there , searched through outgoing and incoming calls … nothing there , onto the text messages … nothing there . I felt relieved . As I was about to give up on my search , my finger slipped and I wound up hitting a button that led me to the last numbers text messaged . I had no idea how I even found it but there it was , in plain view , her cell number . My blood boiled and I ran into our bedroom . I flashed the bright light of the cell phone into his eyes . He woke up confused and I showed him what I had found . The anger was so intense I started to hit him with the phone . He wrestled me to the bed and grabbed the phone from my hand . I have never felt so out of control in my entire life . I was crying and shaking . How could he contact her again ? Now she had his new number and all it proved to me was he didn 't really want to let her go . We didn 't speak that night . In the morning , before I left for work I asked him why he contacted her again . He said he wanted to make sure she was ok . The fury intensified and I told him I was ready for our relationship to be over . He needed to leave . I spent the entire day at work dealing with his text messaging and his phone calls . He had called our therapist on his own and told her he wanted to make things right . He told our therapist that he had no intentions of contacting her anymore , he felt badly for how he treated her but he didn 't want to lose me . Our therapist wanted us to come in immediately for an emergency therapy session . For whatever strange reason , I agreed . I left work early and met him at our therapist 's office . I could not look him in his eyes . I was so afraid if I did , I would feel sad and I didn 't want to be pacified . To me , anger was a much easier emotion to deal with . It kept me strong . As we sat in the office , he started to explain to me why he texted her . I could hear the desperation in his voice increase as he spoke . He said he had no plans to continue the affair , he felt bad for leading the other woman on and did not want to hurt anyone . The entire therapy session I rolled my eyes . I felt like his excuses were a lame attempt to justify his inability to end contact with her because in my mind he had feelings for her . The therapist asked me to give him another chance . She said she felt his sincerity . Glad someone did because I wasn 't buying it . Deep down I knew this was not going to work , although once again I decided to give him another chance . I had no idea why I said yes . I wanted to believe this was the last time I would deal with the other woman . Was he ready to give her up for good ? I was already on edge and wasn 't sure how much more I could take . Jezi 🙂 I went to sleep that night thinking my fiancé had completely ceased all contact with the woman he chose to have an affair with . We had spent a great day together and I believed we were headed in the right direction towards healing our relationship . However , I couldn 't seem to control the constantly shifting of my emotions . One minute I felt happy ; the next sad , then angry . I didn 't understand why I couldn 't be content with the fact that we were working things out . Why couldn 't I erase the bad thoughts from my mind so I could love him again ? Our first therapy session was a very intense one . My fiancé seemed to be open about sharing his feelings ; yet I could see him shut down when the therapist would try to get him to open up concerning the affair . When he was asked why he cheated he could only answer , " I don 't know why " . It would infuriate me because how could someone not know why they do something knowing the pain it would cause ? If he didn 't know why , what makes me think he wouldn 't do it again ? I left therapy wondering if things were ever going to get better between us . Even though I had my doubts , I still had a feeling of hope which is something I didn 't have prior to going to the session . The weekend came and we decided to go to his cousin 's house . I tried hard to hide the issues we were dealing with . They knew what had happened but I didn 't want them to see how unhappy I truly was . I felt so lost ; I was faking my happiness . My mind still waivered with many doubts and wondered if I could actually get through this . Did I really want to make this relationship work ? Every time he was out of my sight I questioned whether he was calling her or texting her . He would go to the store and I would get mad because I thought he was contacting her and lying to me about it . I could see him trying but he was losing patience with my mood swings . I was not myself . I remember I would wait until he would fall asleep and I would go through his phone . I was looking to see if he was calling or texting her . Yet I never found evidence that he was . We continued going to therapy . Every other week we had individual sessions and then on the third week we would have our couples counseling sessions . As time went on , I couldn 't seem to feel any better about our relationship . I felt just as bad as I had the first day I found out . When was this going to get easier ? He was doing everything to show me he loved me but I still didn 't trust him . I would look up websites to try and find support groups . I needed to know what I was feeling was normal . I wanted to hIt had been two weeks and I went online to look at his phone bill ; I wanted to make sure her number was nowhere to be found . Unfortunately , it was there , my heart sank and I felt the blood rush to my head . He was still in contact with her . It was then I knew getting her out of our lives wasn 't going to be so easy . I confronted him about it and he had said she was calling him still . I asked him why he didn 't tell me and he said there was nothing to tell . She wanted to be with him but he didn 't want to be with her anymore . He was willing to change his number . I was conflicted , I wanted to make things work but why couldn 't he just get her out of our lives ? Did he care for her ? Was he still seeing her ? I couldn 't understand how he would jeopardize our relationship again , knowing I would see the phone bill and catch her number there . Was she worth losing me and our son over ? What did he really want ? I knew I had to make a decision but why was it so hard ? He promised me the affair was over and he would change his number to prove it . I just didn 't know anymore if that would be enough . The next day he met me for lunch . He had already changed his number and he was going to call her in front of me to tell her the relationship was over . It was funny how he was going to be telling her the same thing he swore he had already done 2 weeks prior to this day . He blocked his number and dialed hers . I rolled my eyes and made a comment about him having her number memorized . She did not pick up and so he left her a voicemail saying that he changed his number , not to contact him . He also told her if she shows up at the gym , he will quit his job , he wanted to be with me , he loved me and we were planning on getting married . Even though he made that call to her , I was still so angry . I wound up yelling at him and going back to work . I was disappointed in myself . Why couldn 't I walk away from this man ? Would this be the last time ? Was she really out of the picture ? What would I find on next month 's bill ? After speaking to my fiance many times that night about us and our now broken relationship , I just didn 't want to think about the affair anymore . I slept but it wasn 't exactly sound sleep . You would imagine , since my son was spending the night away , I would be able to sleep late come morning and enjoy it . In reality , I missed my fiance . I also missed sleeping next to my fiancé . The bed felt empty , my room felt empty , and I felt completely alone . When I went to pick up my son from his father the next day , my fiance was not happy . He thought I would stay and we would talk . However , I wasn 't going to give him the satisfaction of thinking we were going to be ok . I had a baby shower to attend , where a few of my friends were going to be and I had to pretend there was nothing wrong in my relationship . Not an easy task , the pain was written all over my face . But I pulled it off pretty well , no one thought anything was wrong in my life . I just told them I was tired . After I returned home and put my son to sleep , I had time to sit and think about the events of the past couple of days . The anger was dissipating and the sadness was kicking in . I was born and raised by a single mother and I am an only child . I did not know my father 's side of the family and my mother was also an only child . Prior to meeting my fiance , my friends were essentially the only family I had . When we started dating , I became very close to his family . His brothers and sister became mine , his cousins became mine , his aunts and uncles became mine , all the kids were just as much my nieces and nephews as they were his . I even developed a very strong relationship with his other children . Losing him in my life meant losing my extended family as well . It wasn 't just a matter of ending the relationship with him , but with my entire family as well . I received a phone call from him while I was contemplating our future . I told him exactly how I was feeling and he offered to bring the kids over to see me . I was not ready to see him but we did make plans to take them to the zoo the next day . After we had our plans set and ended the call , I felt compelled to call him back . I wanted to know why he hadn 't told me he missed me or loved me since he left . He told me he held back his feelings because he was afraid I would reject him . He missed me and loved me more than anything but he feared I didn 't feel the same . I told him that it didn 't matter if I said it back , but I needed to hear it . After we hung up , part of me felt excited to see him the next day . My feelings were so conflicted and I didn 't know when or if I was ever going to feel normal again . At 1 : 30 am , I received a phone call from my fiancé . He told me the other woman had called him . He told her it was over between them . He went on to tell me she was hurt and upset . She had thought they were now going to be together . She was shocked and surprised when he said he wanted to work things out with me . After he called me to tell me what happened , I left her a message of my own . Of course I received her voicemail but my message was crystal clear , this is what I said : " I know you called and spoke to my fiancé . Well , you have your answer now ; he wants to stay with his family . You are very stupid to think otherwise . You have been with him for close to 2 years , yet , he still hadn 't left me for you . I hope you choose to move on and I hope and pray that one day , you will fall in love , have a child with this man , and then find out he 's cheating with a whore just like you . Goodbye . " I called my fiancé back and told him that I hope he was being honest with me and to inform me if she attempted to call again . I also told him I was glad he told me she called . Right before we ended our conversation he said " I love you " . I didn 't say it back . I hung up with him and after a few minutes I called him again and said " I love you too " . I did love him , but I wasn 't sure if that meant much . Saying those words certainly didn 't make me feel any better or any more secure with our relationship . Hopefully , after spending the day with him at the zoo , I would be sure of what I wanted . The next morning my fiancé called and said he was on his way with the kids . He asked if he could give me a hug when he saw me . I told him I would have to see how I felt but I didn 't think I would mind . The truth is , I didn 't mind . I was still hurt but I wanted to see him . I had missed him and felt like , perhaps , this could be a new start for us . As I came down to see him , I felt the butterflies in my stomach . It felt like a first date . As I approached him , I smiled and hugged him . His arms tightened around me and it was the longest hug I have ever had . His children looked at us with confusion . They knew something was strange since they had spent the night at their aunt 's house with their father , instead of our house . It had been the first time they weren 't with me in 5 years . We finally released our embrace and went to the zoo . My fiancé was so attentive and affectionate with me that day . So much so , I was a bit uncomfortable . I was happy that finally I was receiving the treatment I had longed for in almost 2 years , but I was still uneasy about being there with him . He told me that he was sorry he mistreated me for all those years and that he didn 't realize what he had . I really did enjoy my day with him but in the back of my mind I was thinking about her . Was he affectionate with her ? Did he kiss her the way he did me ? Was she getting all the attention while I was getting none of it ? I wanted so badly to forget but it was still right there in the forefront of my mind . He asked if he could come over and I let him even though I knew it was a mistake . I wasn 't ready for it , I wanted him but I didn 't think I would be able to move past everything he had done and the pain I felt . All I knew was , I couldn 't wait for counseling . The only thing I was 100 % sure of was that I didn 't want to lose my family . I was willing to put in the work as long as I knew the other woman was out of the picture . The unfortunate part was ; she wasn 't gone just yet . After my fiancé spent the entire day sitting in jail and wondering what he was going to do now that the affair was out in the open , I couldn 't imagine why he would think it would be okay to come home . Especially , after I specifically told him not to . However , there he was standing in the doorway of our room looking down at me and the only words I could think of to say were " you 've got to be fucking kidding me ! " His face was filled with guilt and sadness , but when I looked at him all I could feel was disgust . He explained to me that he attempted to go to his sister 's house but she didn 't answer the door . He told me he just wanted to grab some clothes , shower and he promised to sleep on the couch . He wreaked of urine and I found myself getting emotional . I held back the tears because I didn 't want him to think my tears were a sign of weakness . He went to the bathroom and I decided I wanted to speak with him . I knocked on the door and opened it . I asked him why he did this to our family . He said he didn 't know why . I shoved his cell phone in his face and said I had no more use for it . He took his phone and broke it in two pieces . Our brief conversation ended there and I went back to the room where our son was peacefully sleeping in our bed . I had to think of our son before anything else . I finally fell asleep but I woke up to the sound of my fiancé entering our room . I kept my eyes closed , I did not want to talk anymore . I could feel him looking at me and our son sleeping . I heard him kiss our son and I followed his footsteps with my ears . He was watching me . My heart was beating so fast , and once again I was choking back tears . My mind just kept repeating " please leave , please leave " . I felt his breath against my face as he kissed my forehead . I still pretended to be asleep . As soon as he left the room , I broke down and began to cry . I tried so hard to be strong and not let my emotions take over , however , I couldn 't hold it in anymore . I still loved this man and it crushed me knowing we were no longer going to be a family . I cannot tell you what he was thinking while he watched us sleeping but if I could read his mind , I would bet it was regret . My sleep was unsound the entire night . Racing thoughts awoke me every hour . Morning came quicker than I expected and I had to get ready for work . I couldn 't believe I had to go to work and pretend as if my life wasn 't shattered into a million pieces . I went out into the livingroom and there my fiancé was asleep . I woke him up and told him to go lay in bed with our son . I could 've left him on the couch uncomfortable but a part of me still felt that sadness for him . The same sadness I felt when he smelled of urine and wanted to take a bath . He asked me if he could take me to work . He must have been desperate to even attempt to ask me that . I did not even want him to come home the night before , so why would he think I would want him to take me to work ? I told him yes . I do not know why I said yes , my mind was in a fog and thought it would give us a chance to talk . As we stood waiting for the subway to arrive , I would glance at him and disgust would consume me . I couldn 't even look at him without picturing him with her . He didn 't even look me in my eyes . I agreed to him taking me to work but when he actually was , I wished I hadn 't have said yes . It was the longest train ride and the awkward silence was deadly . We didn 't speak about anything and when we got to my job all I could say was " I can 't even look at you , you disgust me , all I keep picturing is you with her . " He once again apologized and asked if he could meet me for lunch . I told him there was no point to it but he begged me , so I said yes . Lunch was just as uncomfortable as the morning train ride . We sat down for lunch but I couldn 't eat anything . I had a perpetual lump in my throat since earlier that day and no appetite . I picked at my pizza but didn 't actual consume any of it . I asked him when the last time he slept with her was and he told me it was 2 or 3 weeks prior . I wanted to throw up and still thought it was a lie . How could I believe anything he would ever tell me again ? We finished up lunch quickly and needed to buy his older son a birthday present . As we were crossing the street he put his hand back to grab my hand and I pretended as if I didn 't see him reaching out to me . I understand it was force of habit for him but I did not want him touching me . I thought if I pretended not to see him do it , that I wouldn 't hurt his feelings by rejecting him . Isn 't that crazy ? Why should I care about his feelings ? He should feel hurt , he should feel rejected . It is a constant internal battle . Do I love him or hate him ? He walked me back to work and asked me the question of " where do we go from here ? " I told him I thought it would be best if he stayed at his sister 's house for now . I needed space and time to sort through my fluctuating emotions . With him around I felt pressured into acting like everything was okay , when it clearly wasn 't . He agreed to stay away and give me time . He asJezika 🙂 As my fiancé sat in jail , I ended the call with him wondering about the future of our relationship . I thought I knew exactly what I was going to do . I would end the relationship . How could I stay with a man who not only cheated on me but also lied to me for a year and a half ? I was never the type of woman who would tolerate being cheated on . So why was I , all of a sudden , so conflicted ? The next call I received from him was much different than the first . Instead of him stuttering in shock , he was completely humbled . At this point in my mind , there was nothing he could have said that would make me understand why he cheated , although he tried very hard to defend his actions . His words were full of desperation . He pleaded with me to believe him as he continued to tell me he loved me . He implored me to find it in my heart to not give up on our family over his mistake . All I could think of was when exactly his " relationship " with her became his " mistake " . Was it when he got arrested ? Was it when I dropped the bomb that I was aware of what was going on ? Was it when he realized I wasn 't just going to let him say he was sorry and let him walk back through the door ? Before our conversation went any further , I wanted to know how it began . I wanted to know why it began . According to him it started out as friendship . When their friendship began things at home were a bit stressful . We were planning our wedding and as we got deeper into the plans , I became more focused on the wedding . Looking back I would say preparing for the perfect wedding consumed me . The stress I was experiencing would eventually turn into arguing and the arguments gradually escalated to a point in which that 's all we did . It was during this time , he turned to her to escape the fighting at home . This is how his relationship with her grew into something more . He was explaining this to me , as if the situation at home was a justification for him to turn to her . When it was clear his explanation was not going to work with me , he scrambled to offer several other excuses . The more excuses he had , the angrier I got . One such excuse was that I was not giving him enough attention . However , my needs were also being neglected . Does the lack of attention give the right for one to cheat ? Hell no ! I remained cold and callous in my responses to him . I couldn 't let him break me . Even though I attempted to remain strong in my convictions , I still found myself listening to him . He asked could we seek counseling . Instead of rejecting the idea , I said yes . I had no idea what was making me say yes . I don 't know if it was hearing the man I loved crying or if it was because I didn 't want the other woman " winning " . She had wanted him so badly and out of spite I wouldn 't let her have him . I know , I know , it sounds crazy , but in some odd way , in this situation you can 't help feel as if you are competing . Unless you 've been in this type of situation , you won 't understand how your mind will twist your thoughts and actions . By the time I found out our son was already born , so it wasn 't as if I could walk away with a clean slate . I had to think about our son before I could think about my own feelings . As we prepared for counseling I made no promises to my fiancé . I told him that there were no guarantees I would stay with him . I told him he needed to end it with her first before I would even consider going through with counseling . I had to make sure she stayed away . I also made it very clear to him that he had to stay somewhere else for the time being . I did not want him coming home ; I couldn 't bear to see his face . He called me several times that night , until finally I told him to stop . He said he liked hearing my voice and I explained to him that I wasn 't here to comfort him . I had nothing left to say to him and just wanted him to leave me alone . He did as I asked and left me alone . My mind was racing and I didn 't know what to do . I called his cousin to speak with her . She had known about my suspicions for months . When I told her about his cheating , she didn 't seem surprised . Either she knew about it already or because we had talked about it she started to notice his odd behavior . I didn 't want my friends to know what was going on . I was embarrassed and since I didn 't really know what I was going to do , I didn 't want them to judge me if I decided to stay with him . Ironically , I didn 't want them looking at him differently , even though he deserved to be ripped to shreds . There really wasn 't much his cousin could say to me , however she was able to provide me with the support I needed at that time . After my phone call , I put my son to sleep and went through my fiance 's phone bill . I saw how many times a day he spoke with the other woman . There were so many calls to her throughout any given day . He would call me , we would hang up and he would then call her . I was disgusted and humiliated by what I saw . From the moment I discovered the affair , I hadn 't allowed myself to cry , nor did I feel like I wanted to . I was fueled with anger and felt stronger than ever . I now had the upper hand and I was the one in complete control over the fate of this relationship . The power had shifted and I was the person who was calling all the shots . I looked at my son 's beautiful face as he slept and thanked God he was too young to understand what was going on . But still I questioned whether or not he would feel the difference if his father and I were to split . Would he adjust to seeing his father every other weekend like his other kids did ? It infuriated me more knowing I was put in a position that would change my son 's life . Meanwhile , it was my fiance 's selfish actions which altered this relationship . However , the responsibility was now on me to either stay or go . Seemed a bit unfair to say the least ! It was 1 : 30 am and I couldn 't turn off my thoughts , my brain would not shut down . I kept going through the events of the day and wondering what I was going to do . I heard a noise and as I looked up at the door to the room , I saw my fiancé looking down at me . My blood boiled and raced to my head . How dare he come home ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Standing there , feeling more alone than I have ever felt before , I waited nervously for her to answer the question I had just asked her . Was she in love with my fiancé ? Since she had been expecting my fiancé to answer his phone and not me , I could hear her stuttering on the other end of the phone trying to decide what to say . I really didn 't want to believe that another woman could be in love with him , however , I asked the question again " so you are so in love with my fiancé , huh ? " The first words she uttered were " I don 't know what to say " . I asked her if she was seeing him , which was a stupid question , but I needed to hear the answer . She confirmed what I already knew . She was , in fact , dating the man I had been building my life with for the last 5 years . I asked her if she knew about me . She not only knew about me , she also knew we had a son , or as she referred to him " the baby " , as well as his other kids . I was extremely irritated with how she referred to my son as " the baby " . He wasn 't " the baby " , he was the son I had with my fiancé . He was " our son " . She mentioned to me she knew we lived at home with my mother . My fiancé had given so much knowledge about our life . He gave her power by telling her about us . I was furious to find out that she knew so much about me and our situation . My next question to her was the kiss of death for me . I wanted to know how long they had been seeing each other . All of a sudden , she didn 't want to answer anymore of my questions . She told me I should talk to him , which is the typical response from someone who was afraid to give too much information without checking with him first . I explained to her that I didn 't believe he would be honest and I needed to know the truth . I wasn 't being nasty to her , even though I wanted to lash out in anger . I knew I had to be gentle if I was going to get the information I desired . I said " from one woman to another , please just tell me " . She admitted to seeing him for a year and a half . That 's when I lost all sense of control . I said in a completely sarcastic tone , " you 're such a classy woman " . She asked me if I had suspected him of cheating and I told her of course , that was why I had his phone . What she said next , made my stomach turn , she told me that she was aware of him being arrested . This man had taken time to call her and tell her that he was in jail , as if this was any of her business . Why did she need to know this information ? She wasn 't his family , she was just the wI hung up confident in my decision to end the relationship , however , it would not be the last call I would receive from him that night . The night I found out about my fiance 's affair was a night I felt would last forever . In fact , the entire day seemed like a dream . A dream I wanted to wake up from and realize it was only a nightmare and none of this was really happening . But I couldn 't hide from the reality of the situation . The day started off like any other typical day . It was a Thursday , and I was excited for the weekend to begin because we normally spent the weekends together as a family . As usual , my fiancé woke up earlier than I did and went to " work " . While I was at work he called as he was driving home . A police officer saw him on the cell phone so he told me he had to go but would call me back . He did call back to tell me that they were arresting him . Apparently , he had unpaid parking tickets dating back to when he was married , which was several years before we met . His license had been suspended and therefore they had to take him to jail . He told me where he parked the car so that my mom could go downtown and pick up the keys from him and take the car home . Most women would be worried if their significant other was arrested but I wasn 't . This wasn 't the first time he had been caught and arrested for driving with a suspended license . I was actually really irritated that it was happening again and contemplated whether this was the type of relationship I wanted to be in . We were having so many issues lately and I had reached my limit . I called my mom , told her what had happened and she went down to the precinct , to get the car keys from him and bring the car home . What happened next actually made me wonder " what was he thinking ? " This man , who was having a secret relationship with another woman and used his cell to communicate with her , voluntarily handed my mom all the evidence I needed . For months prior to this incident , he was having nightmares and would wake up , hug me , tell me he loved me and he would never leave me . At the time , I thought it was just moments of tenderness and affection from him however , in all honesty I believe it was his guilt over the entire situation . It takes a lot of energy to keep two separate relationships going simultaneously without exposing the deceit to your family and the one you love . The other woman may have begun to demand he end our relationship , which he was not willing to do , and the pressure was getting to him . All of this was pure speculation , however I do believe this was what was going on between them at that time . My mother called to tell me she had picked up the car along with his cell phone . My initial reaction was relief . Now I could finally get the answers I had craved for so long . The phone held all the proof that I needed to confirm my suspicions . I was ready to know the truth . I asked my mom to leave his cell phone in my room and immediately ran home from work . She knew I had suspected him of having an affair and did as I asked . As soon as I got home I went straight to my room , grabbed the cell phone and braced myself . My heart was racing , I knew deep down that I was going to see something I didn 't like . I hoped and prayed that I was wrong while still preparing myself for the worst . I opened up the phone and quickly scanned through the text messages . My hands were shaking as I opened each text . Finally , I found one under a woman 's name ( she will remain nameless ) , I took a deep breath and started reading it . This is the message I read : " I can 't get you off my mind , call me when you can , I love you so much . XOXO . " I felt like throwing up , it was worse than I thought . What hurt the most was reading the words Jezika 🙂 There I was , holding my 9 month old son , and I just found out my world was forever changed . My fiancé had betrayed me in the worst possible way . My mind was jumping all over the place , wondering what I was going to do . It 's funny because the minute I found out he was cheating , I didn 't get angry , I didn 't cry , it was just pure vindication for me . All I could say was " ha , I knew it ! " And that 's exactly what I said to him . All the times he said it wasn 't true , all the times he tried to turn the situation around on me and say I was seeing things that weren 't there and all the times he didn 't answer his phone I just felt it in my core that he was up to no good . Now I knew the truth . I was cold and mean at first . I told him it was over and that I wanted him to leave . Stabbing him with my words by letting him know he just gave me an open door to be with someone else and calling him all sorts of cruel names . The more I spoke with him the deeper my anger got . I was so stressed with raising our son , almost all by myself , that I was nearly falling over with exhaustion from the sleepless nights . It infuriated me to know that while I was going through all of this , he was out enjoying his life as if he was single and didn 't have a care in the world . I immediately removed the ring from my finger . To me , that ring had meant something . It was a promise to be married ; his commitment to me and our family . In my mind , it obviously didn 't mean anything to him , so why should it now mean anything to me ? His initial reaction to me finding out was shock followed by the realization that he had just ruined the best thing he ever had . He pleaded with me to give him another chance . He told me he had made a mistake and he had never loved her . He wanted his family and he would do whatever it took to keep it . He begged me to put the ring back on , but I refused . Why should I oblige his wishes when it was clear I was an afterthought to him during his affair ? He asked if we could go to counseling , something he had always resisted when I suggested it in the past when we needed help , thinking we were just having communication issues . Turns out , it was far worse than I had ever imagined . If we were only having problems communicating , then I wouldn 't be going through the most excruciating mental anguish I was at that very moment . August 21 , 2008 , that 's the day my life changed . How did it change ? Well , that 's the day I discovered my fiancé was having an affair . My life has been filled with failed relationships , starting with the one I had with my non - existent father . Let 's just say trust has never been my strong suit . However , I trusted my fiancé . I mean , to me he was a man so I only trusted him so much . Enough to have a child with him and to know I wanted to spend my life with him . But in my mind it was only a matter of time before he hurt me like every other man in my life has . Still , I was shell - shocked . I think what surprised me more than the fact that he had this affair , was the duration of the affair . I was always one of those women who said " if my man cheats on me , he 's done " . However , when it actually happened , I didn 't know what to do . I think I could 've tolerated a one night stand or even if he had non - emotional sex with someone , but this was an emotional and physical affair . I think that 's what hurt me the most . When I found out about the affair I wasn 't shocked only because I felt that something was up from the moment his affair began . He was disconnected from me , he was getting dressed up often , he would work really late hours , he wanted to go out with his friends all the time , he would be MIA and not answer his phone . I think I know all the signs by now . I just had no way of proving it . His phone was often wiped out , no text messages were left to read , no incoming and outgoing calls were shown , he even had his phone on silent all the time and turned it off at night . I 'm not a stupid woman , I knew what was going on . I knew at some point I would catch him in his lies ; it was only a matter of time . Part of me wanted to know for certain so I wouldn 't feel like I was crazy . He did a very good job of trying to convince me I was . Then there was the other part of me that was scared to find out . Afraid of my life being turned upside down , of losing the man I had loved for so long , losing my family . Ignorance sure is blissful but I know myself and knew I couldn 't live not knowing the truth . I mean , it 's not like he was treating me all that good during his affair . I was left alone most of the time , he would find almost everything and anything to pick a fight with me . Partly he did it so he could use it as an excuse to leave to go to her and the other so he could justify his affair to himself . So he can prove to himself that our relationship wasn 't going good and that we were always arguing . I hated to think that he could do something like this to me , that he could do something so hurtful to me . I never saw him as that type of guy . To me , he seemed like a faithful and honest person , I didn 't see this coming at all . The hardest part about all of this was his affair began while we planned our wedding and throughout my pregnancy and it didn 't end until my son was 9 months old .