Been a hairy ride , that 's for sure . My clinical work was scheduled to begin next week . However , no one could seem to determine what I had to do to begin , and I 've been talking to people since December 23rd trying to arrange something that was supposed to have already been set up . So much is riding on this . I need 640 work hours before May 20th to graduate , so I have been a little sick about this . I prayed , and I prayed hard , and what I came up with is that I headed down this path in faith , and step by step , I was reaching my goal . In the words of my wise friend , " He 's brought you too far to drop you on your head now . " Last night at midnight , trying to print off a clearance that I needed , the computer froze and I received an error message . Of course , the help number did me no good , the help center being closed at that time of the night . I got up this morning and called only to discover that explorer 8 is incompatible with the state police website . Natch . My work site had explorer 7 , and so I was able to go there to fill out the paperwork once again , and to submit it on line with yet another application fee . This time it worked , and triumphantly I carried the paperwork to the appropriate department . Long story short ? I have been cleared to begin work on Monday morning at 9 . I am so very grateful and relieved that there are not words to tell you . Want to hear my Christmas miracle ? My feet have been giving me such problems for just forever now , it seems like . After the last scan , and the good results , I had a decision to make about this pain . I took a deep breath , decided that I needed to be functional . I made the decision to avoid the pain killers , be stoic and deal with it , comforting myself with the fact that whatever the flip this is , it is not cancer . Dealing with chronic pain wears on a person though , and sometimes it did not appear that resolution alone was going to get me from one day to the next . Christmas day came , and Mike brought me a pair of alpaca socks , from the alpaca ranch next door to his ' hunting lodge ' . Posted by And despite our concerns , he knew what to do with his truck . . . He began hippo hauling immediately . He likes Aunt Cara 's taste in clothing . Shorts which do double duty as a hat . Cars . more cars . Still here ! We had a wonderful Christmas . It was a mad dash to the finish line , to get things done on time . There were so many side trips , and distractions that came up that slowed things down . A death , some family news that made us concerned , the decision ( finally ! ) that Tim would have surgery ( he 's a stubborn man , that one . . . ) The days ticked by with maddening speed , and I was not once able to get everything I done that I meant to get done . I get a trifle ornery and worried in crunch periods . ( Shut UP , Cara ! ) At one point , I 'd gone looking for a dining set for Buddy and Brianna . I went to many stores , including a store that carries both second hand and new furniture . I found a set for them at a reasonable price , but I also found , tucked away behind all the ultra - modern furniture , a used sofa . A huge thing , over six feet long , with a firm seat and high back ( just the item for a man with a bad back ) . It was a style that matched with the house , antique looking , muted colors . We have furniture in the library , but nothing in the livingroom yet , and this looked like it would fit the bill . Perfectly . I could tell this was an expensive piece of furniture , so I stopped dead at the price . It was only $ 169 . " Okay , " I thought , musing . " What 's wrong with it ? " I began to look . All over . I couldn 't find anything wrong with it . No stains . No missing buttons on the tucking in the back . No broken springs . I tried to walk away , because the last thing we needed was to be spending more money at this point , but on the other hand , the Christmas tree was in the living room , and it would be nice to have a place for us to sit while we opened presents . . . That night I came home and mentioned it to Tim . He said that we should take a look at it . So for the second day running , we were back to the store . Tim waded through all of the junked and damaged furniture , and I could tell that his hopes were not high . He is very particular about this house . We got to the sofa and I waited . He looked at it and said , a little surprised , " Gees . This is nice . Posted by Cara 's home . Doing some serious Christmas shopping . Went to scrapyard . Truck blew a tire on the way home . Long walk , pleasant talk . I can 't imagine wanting to be stranded with anyone else but Tim . Sister 's birthday . I did the math . I 'm still older . Went to Erie yesterday to Tim 's doctor appointment . When the doctor brought up surgery , this time , Tim agreed . January 12th . I 'm much relieved . Gotta run . A lot of stuff done . Plenty more to be done . You know , today , I was out looking for a very specific piece of furniture . I compare prices , and I found what I needed at a used store . It was in perfect shape , and strongly built . It was $ 199 . 99 . I was tempted , but I wanted to talk to Tim first , since we don 't spend that kind of money without discussing it , and I wanted to stop at another couple places , including the one Tim asked me to stop at , one of those rent to own places . Now , I hate those sorts of places . They prey on the poor , in my opinion . Yes . They offer low low weekly rates , no credit check , but you wind up paying triple or quadruple the prices by the time that you are done paying those low payments for extraordinarily long periods of time . The particular store that I was stopping at is owned by a former man of the cloth . He has painted scripture references on the side the trucks , but still , I find it hard to understand how those two mindsets ' fit ' , if you will . I cannot see how the operator of a store like this is much different from the tax collectors of Jesus ' time . They made their living gouging the poor . But Tim told me to stop in . Apparently they sell used furniture in there at times , inexpensively . I had my doubts , but I stopped in . Much to my surprise , I saw the exact same style piece I 'd seen earlier at the other store over in the corner . I headed for it . I noticed right away that it was not as sturdily made . The wood pieces were thinner , and screwed together . The other had been good thick wood , and it had been pegged together . I stood studying it , and a very smooth young man came over to ask me if I needed help . I told him straight out that I would not do rent to own , that I objected to them on sheer principle , and that I wanted to know how much it cost to buy the piece outright . He did some checking for me , and said , brightly , " You can take that home for $ 469 . " I was so shocked I could do no more than gape . " You must be joking ! " Seriously , people , you can go to Walmart , or Kmart , or Big Lots and buy that sort of furniture for way less , in the $ Posted by I was busy , and I heard a siren , and it sounded close . When you live in the big city ( joke , people ~ this is a small town ) , you get accustomed to things . If I would have heard that siren out in the woods , I would have dropped everything and dashed to the window to see where it was headed , but not here . Anyways , I was in the front of the house and I heard the back door fly open . I head Tim 's voice . Excited , like a kid . I heard ' Santa ' and ' firetruck ' , and the door closed . What ? I went to the front window and looked and there was a firetruck in front of the house , moving slowly , with a little girl running along side . Sure enough . Santa stood on top with a elf ( one that appeared much larger than you 'd expect an elf to be , actually ) . I wanted to take a picture , but I couldn 't remember where I 'd plugged in the camera to charge . ( Sorry , BB . . . ) But that 's life in the big city . I love that I have a husband who finds that exciting stuff , so exciting that he 'd climb down off a ladder to check on it , and then rush in to call out the news to me . I wonder if he was a shepherd in a previous life ? I got up this morning to make cinnamon rolls for one of the kids . I met up with my sister for an appointment , and then I came home and whipped out 2 dozen pepperoni rolls . My niece and nephew were coming to have supper , and to move Dylan 's childhood bedroom outfit to a new place , to another little boy . Danny walked around in pants that were too big around for his non - existant butt , and we kept tugging them up . We all moved furniture , and talked and laughed . While we were on the second floor , I said to little Abby , " Wait , wait for me . I have something that you will love , " and I darted up the stairs to the third floor playroom to retrieve the two bags of balls . Their mother looked doubtful as I came back with them , but I assured her that it would be fine , that they were balls that could be thrown in the house , with no worries about damage . What a fine time we had , throwing the balls about . I had an idea . " Let 's dump them all down the stairs ! " and we did . We gathered them up over and over again , and Sarah hauled them to the top of the stairs to dump them all . They bounced up and down , step by step , a primary colored waterfall richocheting everywhere . And the kids waited at the bottom of the steps wide eyed with the excitement of one hundred balls headed straight for them , and over them , and all around them . The looks on their faces was priceless . We said grace , a never ending grace , because there are a lot of people that need prayer , along with a friend 's lost dog , and supper eventually came , loud , messy , with spills . Abby loves pepperoni rolls and enjoys singing little ' dipping ' songs to herself as she dunks her pepperoni roll in the sauce . Abby recorded a new greeting for my answering machine . " Merry Chrissmiss . Leave a message , " she said . Danny darted everywhere . There were calls for the potty , and shrieking and running feet . At one point their father looked at me , and said , " So . Are you sorry we 're here ? " and I looked at him . " No , " I said . I think that he thought I was joking . They 've left now . The kitchen is put back to Posted by Tonight , I began to decorate for Christmas . I put the tree up in the living room . I put another tree up at the window of the second floor . I put my the nativity on the buffet where it has always been , except that this year , the buffet is not in the dining room , but in the foyer , at the end of a stretch of gleaming hardwood floor , beneath a huge mirror . This year , my Christmas village is spread across a fireplace mantel . All these old things seem to belong in their new place . I sit curled up on the sofa looking at my Christmas village . The first piece of that set was my own purchase . I remember looking at it way back when I first came back to Pennsylvania , when I had no idea how things would work out . Where would I work , where would we live , how could I take care of the children ? The children felt my fear too . I remember hearing Dylan crying in the bathroom once . I knocked on the door and he opened it . He looked at me and he was crying hard . He was afraid that I would never be able to afford college for him . He was afraid that we were always going to be poor . It broke my heart , but I held his skinny towel wrapped body close , and I promised him that it would be okay , that he would work hard and get good grades , and I would work hard too . I promised him that he would be what he wanted to be , and I meant it , even if I wasn 't quite sure how it was all going to work out . I was sick inside in those days . Filled with fear , self doubt . I was starting over , with three kids . In the middle of those hard times , I saw a ceramic house , a Victorian . I remember staring at it , and thinking how lovely it would be to have a house like that for my children . I just wanted a house , a place for us so desperately . On the spur of the moment , I bought that little ceramic house and I used it as a night light . I would fall asleep at night looking at it glowing in the dark , wishing . Praying . I just wanted to take care of my kids . Over the years , it did work out . There was my Tim , and he was not afraid to make a new family . We both worked hard . WePosted by On the third floor , we are putting together a little playroom . It has a bed for dolls , and childrens books , a place to curl up to watch Disney movies , an old white desk . Art supplies . Stuffed animals . My grandson William is not old enough for this room , but one day he will be . My grand - nieces have played up there and enjoyed themselves . Abby is a shy little girl with big eyes . She whispered to her mother in an urgent sort of way . She couldn 't find the ' bunny room ' . Where did it go ? Sarah laughed . " What 's the bunny room ? " I asked , puzzled . It was the playroom . There were two stuffed bunnies that she had put down for a nap in the antique baby crib . It 's a big house for a little girl , and she was unable to find her way back to the playroom . I have bigger plans yet for this room , and in quiet moments I spin great and unrealistic plans . This room becomes like the Disneyland of playrooms . I have dreams of glow in the dark stars , and I want to make a little kitchen set . Not the molded plastic ones , but an actual wooden stove and refrigerator and sink like we used to play with when I was in kindergarten . I want sleeping mats for children to take their afternoon naps on . My list goes on and on . I want this room to be the stuff of dreams . Yesterday , I headed out to buy curtains for the guest room . I 'm a thrifty person , and so I stopped at the thrift store to have a quick look around , although I did not expect to find anything . That particular room has three windows , and you don 't generally see that many of the same curtain . I was right . I wandered over to the children 's section , and . . . be still my heart . . . I found two large net bags filled with the balls that you find in a ball pit . I found a hanging mosquito net that could be used to contain two net bags worth of those sorts of balls . I found a large carrying case of those snap together pieces that go on the floor , the big padded foam tiles . They had numbers on them , and I envisioned hopscotch . My shopping cart runnethed over . Total expenditure ? $ 8 . 00 . I was so excited that it wPosted by Today has been another putzing around day . I moved the party to the second floor . The second floor bathroom is done now . I 'll be heading out to do some shopping for it and to get curtains for the second guest room up there as well . Cara 's friend Taylor is headed home with her , and the girls will be here for about a week . I have been so happy and so contented , enjoying my little piece of peace . It is fun finding places for everything , and it is fun to stand back and have a look when you are done and realize how much you like the effect of it . I 've also been calling people that I haven 't talked to in a while . Christmas cards are coming . I do so need to get started on that . . . yeah . . . started . You heard me right . Shopping . The tree needs to be up and it 's not looking like it will do that on its own . So yes . I have a lot to do , but I just needed a moment to breathe deeply . So I took it . In the midst of my joyful moment , a card arrived today , from a classmate . I sat down to read her newsletter . People complain about them . I don 't . I like them , especially when you don 't see the person often . So I sat down at the kitchen table with Cindy 's newsletter and prepared myself to be entertained . It began with a pondering of her legacy . ( What ? ) It went on . . . ' stage four breast cancer , multiple bone metastases , nothing to be done , management ' . Fuck . She 's been remembering lately she says . In my beautiful home , on this dark afternoon , in my peaceful place , I remember too . I remember being a young girl . I remember being surrounded by other young girls . We stood on the fringes and watched the popular girls , and the jocks , the important people , and we recognized that we were not important . We were quiet , but laughed together . We found our own space . We made our own niche . We were a small but happy subgroup . We couldn 't imagine what it would be like to grow up , or to get old , and maybe that is why , when I look backward , I see us all as suspended in time . . . almost as if we were different people . I suppose there is some truth to that . The woman I Posted by Know what I did today ? I got up at o ' dark - thirty and went in for freight day and worked hard . I was in a good mood , and sang with the Christmas carols . Did I mention I 'm done with school ? I mentioned it a time or two at work as well . I wasn 't sure they knew . So it was a fun morning . Lots of laughing . On the way home , I stopped and picked up a bright red trashbin for the kitchen . Last week I bought a bright red clock , like something that you would see from the early 50s . It 's not normally my thing , but the week before that , I 'd bought two tea towels that looked very old , and it just suited the kitchen somehow . It just fit . So , I guess that the kitchen is headed off in an unexpected direction . I also bought some furniture polish , and some cleaner for the floors . I spent the day cleaning . It felt great . I polished woodwork , and cleaned glass . I threw out a ton of school papers . I put my school books out in the office . I did laundry . I put things away , found places for things that had not yet been put away . Today I just wallowed in domesticity and it felt like a luxury , because I have not been able to do that . I played house today , and I loved our house all the more . I was able to cook a meal for my husband . Tomorrow will start the great rush to get Christmas underway , but today was a quiet bit of sanity and I sure did enjoy myself . Party on . . . Yep . It was one wild party at my house last night . I was tired . Really tired . I did have that celebratory glass of wine . Then I put on my fuzzy jammie pants , curled up in a chair and turned on the TV . I found a Walton 's marathon . I vegetated . Then I went to bed early and slept the sleep of the unworried . Good night , John - boy . Good night Mary Ellen . Good night . . . I 'm a dork . Guess what I 'm doing ? Nothing . That 's right . You heard me . Not a darn thing . And know what else ? I 'm not going to do a darn thing for the rest of the night . Raise your glasses , peoples , because there is some serious celebrating going on tonight . Posted by Well , now here 's something that will give you a laugh . Remember when I said that I couldn 't possibly be sick until after Wednesday ? I woke up Thursday morning with a rotten headache . By Thursday afternoon , my back was killing me and I was so tired that I couldn 't even focus on the homework I was trying so hard to finish . This morning , I got up , and still felt awful . I took a deep breath and stayed home today . It would have been an awful thing if I 'd been coming down with something , and gave it to everyone before our final on Monday . I have gotten a great deal of work and studying done . It seems hard to believe that in just 72 hours , I 'll be done for the semester . Completely done . And then , by golly , bring on the holly , because I 'll be anxious to throw myself right into Christmas . Brianna got word today that she was hired on by the company she 's been working for . I was so glad for her . The date that will live in infamy . December 7th is over . I got through the morning . It did not go as I 'd hoped , but the fact is , sometimes it is not a good day for a client . It wasn 't for mine . His attention was elsewhere . I had a hard time focusing him . December 7th program went well . Very well . I was prepared , and I listened to a hero talk today . Too tired to talk . Must . Go . To . Bed . This is a short one . Tomorrow is my ' crunch ' day . I have one intervention , I 've got a major presentation , I 've got two big projects due ( both of which are done ) . I 'm so busy but . . . Today at work , an Amish man walks in . He buys some hardware cloth , and some pulleys , and he says , " I 'll take a couple boxes of those dark chocolate mints there . " Being the wisenheimer I am , I said , as I was grabbing them from the basket , " I 've learned never to get between anyone and their chocolate . A person could get hurt that way . " He laughed a big laugh . Now that 's unusual . They smile . They are friendly . Still , most of them keep to themselves somehow . In this world , but not of it . That 's how the Bible puts it , and I guess this applies to them , as well . Still , this fellow laughed big . The lady behind him said , " I just bought my husband a big candy bar . I 'm hoping he 'll share . " I said , " Well , if I have to share my chocolate , you can bet bucks that I 'd have bought the biggest candybar in the store . " The three of us laughed together . Mr . Byler says , " Well , now , I have a joke for you : There 's a fellow goes into a train station , to buy a ticket , and when he comes out , he realizes that the lady at the ticket counter has given him the incorrect change . He goes back in , and says , ' You made a mistake when you gave me my change . . . ' to which she replies , ' Well , it 's too late now . You should have brought that to my attention when you were at the window . ' The man says , ' but . . . ' and she snaps , " I can 't fix it now . There 's nothing I can do about it now . You need to count your money at the window . " He says , ' You can 't do anything about this ? ' She 's plenty mad by now , and nearly yells , ' NO ! ! ' to which he replies , ' Well , then fine . I 'll just keep the extra five bucks then . ' He laughed at his own joke , and I laughed too , just because he was so pleased with himself . I said , " Well , I can see now that I 'd better count your change twice . " He laughed once more as he put his money away . He went out the door in his somber black and blue clothes , and he chuckled toPosted by Friday , when I finished with school , I went straight to work , and when I finished with work , I came dragging back into the house with a ton of books and assignments and wearily dropped them on the table . Which I hate , because I 'm trying to make different habits for the new house . I am trying to avoid clutter . I want the house to look nice . So anyway , I grabbed a bite to eat and sat down at the other end of the table to read the paper , and there at the bottom was a note from my husband . ' I love you , ' it said . I wanted to cry . He works second shift , so my days are long and I come home to an empty house . It 's not easy for him either , because he gets up in the morning to an empty house , and he eats his lonely breakfast and lunch and then he goes to work . Lately , I 'm feeling like I 'm missing everything . I 'm not sure how it happens . You get so focused on what is on your plate that everything else seems to fade into the background . It doesn 't mean that stuff is not important . It is . It 's just that it 's not a priority at the moment . So things happen like my friend 's husband dies , and I miss the obituary ( with the picture ) . A fellow from church dies , and I run into visiting hours , only to discover I 'm at the wrong viewing . His is the following day , and I cannot make it because I have school followed by work . Cara calls , and after chatting briefly ( way too briefly ) , I say , " I love you , but I 'm in the middle of something . . . " Brianna calls , and leaves a message , and I get home late , and am not sure when to call her because she works irregular days and she works nights . Yet , I 'm never around when she calls me . when Tim or I are home together , generally speaking , I 'm working on an assignment . I 'm really starting to hate it . I want to work on getting the house just so ( I still have a pile of pictures to hang , for instance ) . I want to bake cookies . Get started on my shopping . But I don 't have time . My hair is shiny , and I can 't even figure when that happened . On and on it goes , life passing by , life taking me by surprise . I have fouPosted by Tim has been sick with a stomach bug . He even missed two days of work because of it . He 's back to work now , even though the symptoms have not gone away , not completely anyway . His stomach is making the most alarming noise . I have to tell you that I am sitting in one room . He is in another , watching television . I tell you true . His stomach is making such loud liquidy sorts of noises that I can hear them a room away . No exaggeration . I have to tell you that I have responded sympathetically . Well , if ' sympathetic ' sounds like this : " Stay away from me . I am serious Tim . I cannot get sick now . I have not got time to get sick . " It 's the truth . This is the last full week of school and I have so much stuff going on that I cannot possibly schedule the flu in until Wednesday evening . And I hope that God believes me when I tell Him this . Today at Tractor Supply , I felt so badly that I burst into tears . I saw a friend in the store with her sister . I 'd not seen her in forever it seemed like . So being the wisenheimer like I am , I said , " Gees , since you 've gotten married , I don 't see hide nor hair of you . . . " She was a newlywed , having just got married last summer , just a few short months ago . She smiled weakly at me and said , " My husband died two weeks ago . " I was so flabbergasted that I did not know what to say aside from the obligatory " Oh my GOD ! ! ! " She is such a shy person , and her new husband was even shyer than she was . The last time that they came to the store , I 'd greeted them , and it tickled me that he talked . Usually he stood there shy and awkward and ducking his head and smiling . But that day he spoke , and the three of us visited at the register a moment . I had watched them leave and I was glad for them . If there ever were two people that were made for each other , it was them . Today , I stood there at a complete loss of words and I reached across to give her a hug , and told her how very , very sorry I was . She cried . " We didn 't even have six months . . . " I cried because it seemed like the only thing to do . Life is so hugely uPosted by I was up and running today . I had my presentation , and a meeting , and I hopped out of the shower , got dressed , and started blow drying my hair like I do every morning , and suddenly something struck me . It just stopped me dead in my tracks . My hair is shiny again . I 'm not sure when that happened . Sounds stupid doesn 't it ? It kind of felt like my hair had changed when it grew back after the chemo . It was there , but it was just sort of dull and lifeless , and I kept it short just so it would look neat . I was grateful to have hair . I tried not to think much farther than that on it , but sometimes , I 'd find myself seeing women with pretty , shiny hair , and I 'd feel a twinge of jealousy . . . and I am not given to jealousy . And then this morning , blow drying my hair , I realized that once again , my hair was shiny and smooth . This is a big deal to me , and when I put on my red coat , and wrapped my gray scarf around my neck , the one that makes my eyes look very blue , I stepped out of the house and I felt good about myself . Looking forward to getting this day under my belt . That 's pretty much the way that I 'm approaching every day at this point , with a head down , git ' r done attitude . There will be plenty of time for joy later . Monday the 12th is my last classroom day . Final grades will be in by noon on the 16th . I will be so glad to see the 16th . Even though it means that it will be 9 days before Christmas , and I haven 't done jack . December 7th activity is coming up quickly . I 've got that pretty much under control . Sunday the 4th is our Christmas party . I 'm baking the turkey breast . I have responsibility for the gag gifts . I did it last year , and it was pretty darn funny . I 've got a lot of plans , but no shopping done . Our store is so slow , especially when you consider this is a prime holiday shopping season . I think that people are being very practical this year . I know that we are . But because there is so little business being transacted , they are cutting hours . Also fine with me , right this minute . I 've got way too much to do . I 've gotten a spate of spam from a Mexican pharmacy trying to hawk its wares in my comments section . The final one pointed out sternly that he was having a hard time accessing my site , and that he would return to see if I had gotten it fixed . Mr . Viagra ? Not fixing it . Buh - bye now . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal .