Chapter FiftyI woke up fairly late ; I guess my body just needed the rest . I didn 't have any more dreams , that I remembered anyway . It was almost 10 : 30 and I headed straight into the shower . I thought about Cassie as I showered and hoped she was feeling better today ; it was hard to see her so worn out yesterday . I was looking forward to spending several hours with her . I decided to call her before I went up to the hospital and see if she would like me to bring her something for lunch . After the shower I ate a banana and some toast for breakfast . I put peanut butter on the toast and laughed at myself for still being a bit bent out of shape about it . Mom was right , sometimes I can be so childish ! I knew I had to go and check my e - mail again and I would have done anything to avoid it . But luckily , there wasn 't anything else on there from our mystery poet and I was very thankful . I did some housekeeping while waiting for mom and that helped to pass the time . I called Cass and was lucky enough to catch her between therapy sessions . She was delighted that I would bring her some lunch and asked for something spicy from Bangkok and I promised her that I would bring it . Truthfully , I think she was more excited about the prospect of the food than seeing me ! But I could totally relate , remembering the hospital food I thought with a smile . When Mom got here she told me that she was going to drop me off at the hospital and then go get her hair done . I thought that was nice , she was giving Cass and me some private time . She didn 't want any Thai food , so I called in an order for Cass and I and we stopped to pick it up on the way . It smelled wonderful in the car and the journey to the hospital seemed to take forever because of that . I was really very hungry and decided that was a good thing . When Cassie saw me come in the room she smiled a mile wide and I could tell how happy she was to see the food ! Er , I meant me of course . " Ooh , " she exclaimed , her eyes bright and sparkling . " What do we have ? " " The appetizer platter of course , spicy fried rice , shrimp panang and the spicy beef stir fry you like ! Think I have enough food here ? " I laughed , setting it all out on her tray table which was pulled up to a chair where she was sitting . I pulled another chair up opposite of it and dug through the bag for chopsticks and napkins . " Hey , where is your mom ? " she asked , taking her first mouthful of spring roll and making a blissful face . " Mm ! " " She went to get her hair done . Actually , I think she just wanted to give us some time alone , which was cool I thought . How was therapy this morning ? Yesterday you looked wiped - out ! " " It was better this morning , but I 'll be tired like that after this afternoon 's therapy . They have me on the parallel bars walking , and that just zaps my energy . That 's why I 've got some time to rest today , before they have me do that again . " " Um , I 'm sure that is tiring , " I answered , taking a bit of the shrimp panang , mixed with a little of the spicy fried rice . " Yeah , you know you don 't think about things like that - getting tired just by walking a few steps I mean . I never had any idea it would be like this . We walk around all our lives , so who would think that being flat on your back for a few weeks would make your body totally lose its strength and muscle control . It just amazes me really . " " I 'm just so grateful that you are recovering so quickly . I know that 's not always the case with spinal cord injuries … " I trailed off . I thought about people who never recovered and offered yet another hasty prayer of thanks to God for Cassie 's ability to recover . " Yeah , it really could have " Cassie ! " I exclaimed , " What have you been doing ? " I tried to sound indignant or outraged , but it didn 't come off well and she called me on it . " You better let Adam do the acting , okay , because you really stink at it ! " she laughed . " Okay , okay I 'm not an actress . I get the point . But … back to the point which was Dr . Gorgeous ! C ' mon on Cass , spit it out ! " Her laughing abruptly stopped and I realized that there was something serious about Cass and Dr . Gorman and whatever it was , I hoped she didn 't get hurt . " He 's , uh , I 'm - uh , I 've never known anyone like him . He is so dedicated to what he does , but every once in a while he breaks out of the doctor mode and just talks , like , like a normal guy . I don 't have a crush on the doctor part of him , really I don 't . I mean , people say that often time 's patients develop crushes like that . He helped me so much as a doctor , and I am so very grateful , but my feelings are different than that , " she told me , utterly serious . " How different Cassie ? Tell me , " I urged her . " We talk about things that don 't have anything to do with my injury or recovery . Like when he comes to see me now , I mean he always asks how I feel or what I 've done , but he really isn 't my doctor any longer , those are just questions that get him here I think . Mostly we talk about who we are , what we do , our families . I love hearing about his - his dad was in WW II and was in Greece , where he met Eleni , Georgio 's mother . They had a whirlwind romance and he married her . Then it took almost 2 years to get her into the states , but they finally succeeded when she was pregnant with their first child . Georgio is the youngest of 10 kids ! " " So , his given name is Georgio then ? And he 's single ? " " Yes , his name is Georgio and he was married , but she died almost 7 years ago . They didn 't have any children ; she had leukemia for about 10 years , before she died from it . It sounds very sad , doesn 't it ? " " Yes . I would imagine that something like that is all the more frustrating when you are a doctor and can 't really do anything . So what else do you know about him ? " " Well , he 's 44 and as I said , the baby of the family . His oldest brother is almost 61 . Both his parents are still living and spend about half of the year in Greece and half here . He has 5 brothers and 4 sisters and dozens of nieces and nephews and he dotes on all of them , " she told me as she was finishing her meal . She leaned back in the chair and laid her hand on her tummy , which even though she has been lying around for weeks , was as flat as ever . But then again , Cass never gains any weight ! If you see her from behind , you would think she is a high school girl she is so lithe and petite . We chatted for another hour until Mom came back , and Cassie 's mom and dad came in at the same time . Mom and I left shortly after that to give them time to visit and I promised Cassie I would talk to her later . I also told her I had a doctors appointment the next day and wasn 't sure when I would visit . I hugged her goodbye and it was so great doing that while she was actually sitting up in a chair ! Mom dropped me off at home a few minutes later and I wandered around aimlessly for awhile before picking up a book I had started to read before I went to Italy . That somehow seemed like a lifetime ago I marveled . So much had changed in my life since then , starting with Adam up on top of Monte Berico . I had gone to Italy in the first place to see it again from a fresh perspective . I had enjoyed living there , it was wonderful , but there were things about it that were difficult too and I needed to lay some of those ghosts to rest . Instead , I had met Adam and I found out that it wasn 't really necesI slept soundly and when I woke up , I felt very happy . Just knowing that it was already Wednesday and that I would see Adam tomorrow night did a lot for my attitude . I felt like running and laughing through the day and after a quick shower , I got dressed and went in to make myself some breakfast . Bobby was already in the kitchen , sipping some juice . He didn 't drink coffee or actually any kind of caffeine but he was very kind , he already had some coffee brewing for me . I poured some into a mug and sniffed appreciatively , then raised one eyebrow in query to him . " Do you know how to make coffee Bobby ? " " Ah , ' fraid I 'll poison you or something cousin ? " As soon as he said it his face blanched and he became immediately apologetic . " Damn Sarah , I 'm sorry - I didn 't mean that , I mean , like it sounds . Are you okay ? " ' Um yeah , it 's alright Bobby , really . I think it 's just going to take some time for me to get past all that , " I told him as I poured some hazelnut cream into my steaming cup . I sat down at the table and said excitedly , " Hey , Adam will be home late tomorrow night , around midnight ! " " Hey , that 's great . I 'll pick him up so he doesn 't have to catch a cab . " " Wonderful , as long as I 'm with you . I can 't wait to see him ! " I quipped , laughter bubbling over my words . " It 's a deal . I don 't have classes on Friday 's until noon , so it won 't keep me up or anything , " he told me . " You know , we 'll be gone the following week so the place is still yours to use . It gets you away from your Mom anyway , " I joked . " Yes , it does that . And yeah , I 'll stay , if it 's okay . It has shown me that I need to be on my own , " he admitted sheepishly . " I 've been lazy ; staying at mom 's all this time . " " I can 't see how you could possibly have any love life like that , that 's for sure ! " " Um , didn 't really . Still don 't , but maybe it 's time to change that . I 've just been so focused on building the dojo up and creating a client base that I 've ignored all the otheI watched a shy flush spread across his fair features ; gorgeous dark hair , skin that like mine tans easily . But he had the very bluest eyes imaginable , deep azure . He got those from his Dad because all our family was like me , hazel or brown , with a bit of green thrown in occasionally . And at 6 ' 4 " , not to mention all the working out he does , his body ain 't too bad either . So he has a lot going for him and he 'd discover that the more he got out and gave it a shot . " I guess I don 't have to ask if Adam is excited . That man adores you Sarah . Actually , he kind of amazes me . I wouldn 't have thought that such a big movie star would be so , I don 't know - ordinary , so nice really . Was his family like that too ? " ' Yeah , they were . I felt so comfortable and so at home with them . You 'll like them too . They are all coming here for Thanksgiving . Of course , with you , Derek , Adam and all ' the Richland men ' as he calls them , I 'm not sure that there is anyway we can have enough food . That is if you want to come . Oh , and I forgot Mark , who seemed to hold his own with the Richland men , " I added with a laugh . " Who 's Mark ? " " That 's Tamara 's partner . Mark Bonner , " I told him , waiting to see if the name meant anything to him . " Why does that name sound familiar ? Is he a movie star too ? " he grinned . " No , he 's a director . He directed River of Doubt . " " Oh , THAT Mark Bonner . Won an Academy Award for it too , didn 't he ? " " Yep . And Tamara did the sets for that movie , " I stated , shaking my head in bemusement . " Quite a crowd , huh ? " " Damn Sarah , this is all amazing , you know that ? Freakin ' amazing … " I just grinned because I knew exactly how he felt . " Hungry ? I 'll fix some breakfast , I 've time before I go to the doctor . " " Yeah , I 'm always hungry , you know that ! Do I have time for a shower ? " I nodded my head and he headed out of the kitchen . He had been such a big help to me , I 'm not sure what I would have done without him . It was almost as good as having Derek here with me . Bobby and Derek were the same age , even though he was technically my cousin . Loretta , Bobby 's mom is my Mom 's youngest sister . Bobby and Derek were inseparable growing up . Either they were here at my house or at Loretta 's ; they were like two peas in a pod and were always together . They played little league together , football , basketball and finally karate . Then Derek went into the military after he graduated from high school and Bobby started developing his dream of his own dojo . That separation was very hard for them , but they each worked on their dreams which would eventually make them happy . Derek 's was harder since he had went into the Army to try to please his dad , or maybe even get his attention , but it really didn 't work . Unfortunately Randy , my ex just managed to ignore everything about the kids , hardly ever remembering a birthday or Christmas . I hated that , for Derek and Lissa , that is , but I couldn 't change it , so I just tried to make things okay from me . After we ate and got the kitchen squared away , Bobby went off to the dojo and I waited for mom , but luckily I didn 't have to wait for lonPosted by Chapter Forty - NineThe phone was ringing insistently I thought as it finally penetrated my foggy brain . It was 10 : 30 and I had been sleeping soundly . Even though I knew it was still too early for Adam to be calling , my heart hoped otherwise , so I grabbed it and answered hello . It was actually Lissa , calling to see how I was . That 's my darling girl , worried about how I was going to handle this . The funny thing was that this isn 't typically me to act like this . The difference is Adam and how much I love him . We chatted for a few minutes and I heard all about a new guy she met on the Med Center tour when she went back to school after my accident . " How come you didn 't tell me about him in California ? " I asked her . It made me curious because she hasn 't really paid any attention to men the whole time she has been in school . She has always been so focused on the difficulties of getting through school and she always said she just didn 't have time for men . " We just didn 't have that much time to chat , remember ? And , I 'm still not sure I 'm up for this . Mom , I just don 't really have any spare time and when I start my internship next fall , that will be even truer . He 's a nice guy , really and I do like him . But I still don 't think this is wise , to start something I can 't really give attention to , you know ? " " Have you talked to him about this to find out what he thinks ? " I asked her . " Nooo , not really . I mean , he is a doctor himself , so he has to know what it 's going to be like , " she answered glumly . " Probably . But I take it you have talked with him or saw him since the tour ? " I heard her smile across the phone lines , or satellites or whatever . " Yes , we 've talked on the phone and we had dinner tonight . I had a great time . " " Lissa , are you sure that part of your problems about this aren 't because of me and my ' run away ' attitude for so many years ? " " I don 't think so mom . I really am being truthful , there just isn 't going to be much time after the fall . Heck , there isn 't much time now . You know I haven 't really had a social life since I came up here for school ! " she laughed . " Yes , I know Lissa . I understand that you only have so much time and how much of it is taken up with studies . But it can 't hurt to get away from that a bit . " " I know that - that is why I went to dinner . It was fun Mom , it really was . " I heard her yawn and then giggle . " I think I had better get off the phone and try to catch a few hours sleep . Call me tomorrow and let me know how Adam is ! Talk to you then . I love you Mom , " and the phone went click . I sat there , holding onto the phone still and smiling . It would be nice for her to have someone in her life , but I also knew she was right ; her schedule is the pits . It was a little after 11 : 00 . The house seemed quiet and I thought that Bobby had probably gone to bed . I got up and poured a glass of milk and plied a graham cracker with peanut butter and went back into the bedroom . I propped some pillows up behind my back and turned the TV on to see if I could find something to watch . As I flipped through channel after channel I wondered why I continued to pay for cable when there was never anything on to watch . I ran past the movie channels and saw Adam 's face . It was River of Doubt and I started watching it . I had seen it at the theater when it first came ou " Alright , I 'm caught ! " I chuckled and realized how happy I was , just being able to talk with him . We chatted for a few more minutes and when we were both unable to hide our yawns , we decided to say good night . " God Bella , I miss you . I want to feel your warm body lying next to mine , " he told me in a low and sexy voice . " I know Adam , I miss you too . It 's horrible to be lying here in this bed without you . I 'm wearing your shirt , the one I tore the button off of . " " You are ? " " Yes , it sort of helps , " I told him . A tear trickled down my cheek and I was determined NOT to start crying . He didn 't need to hear that , it only makes it worse . " Mm hm . Only 5 nights love , and then I should be home . " He paused for a moment and then continued , " I have to say it will be a very , very long 5 days ! " " Yes , " I murmured . " Well , goodnight Adam . I love you . " I heard a quick intake of his breath and I wondered if he was surprised because I said it first ? " Yes , I love you too . I 'll call you later tonight . " I heard the line start humming then and I knew he had hung up . I managed to set the phone down on the night table before bursting into tears . I woke up once more to the ringing telephone , but this time it was 9 : 45 and my Mom calling . " Hey sweet pea . Are we going to go and see Cassie ? " she asked me . " Yeah , I do want to go . What time is good for you Mom ? " I asked her , sitting up on the edge of the bed . " How about an hour ? Will that give you enough time to get ready ? " " Yes , that will be fine . See you then Mom , " I told her and then hung up the phone . I sat on the side of the bed for a few more minutes , sort of mentally making a plan for the day . It felt weird , no Adam to think about feeding or , well , anything else . I went in and started the shower running and pulled Adams shirt off and held it up to my face for a moment . I couldn 't really smell him anymore , only me , and that made me feel sad . I was already sad enough I decided , so I tossed the shirt down and hopped into the shower , determined to get out of my gloomy mood . By the time I got out of the shower I was feeling better . I worked some gel into my hair and dried it a bit , the gel helping it not to frizz and it actually looked pretty good , softly curling , the way I looked best I decided . It was almost 10 : 30 and so I went and fixed myself a graham cracker with some peanut butter . I knew I had better take every opportunity to eat it while Adam wasn 't home . See , there is something not so bad about his absence - I can eat all the peanut butter I wanted ! After I finished my cracker , I called Dr . Crandal 's office to make an appointment to see her this week . They could get me in Wednesday morning and I hoped that things would go well and I would be able to drive again ! But I was worried that I was being overly optimistic . Mom got there just as I was finishing the call and I verified with her that she could take me and she nodded yes , so the appointment was set and we headed off to see Cassie . Cassie was again in therapy when we got there and as we sat there and waited , Mom and I chatted about their California visit and how well Adam and Lissa had arranged it . It was all arranged before Adam and I even left for California it turns out . They had their tickets and all . Adam of course wanted to bring everyone out at his expense , but had gracefully accepted that they preferred to pay their own way . And they can afford it I know , but still , it was nice of Adam to try . Mom and Dad had bought Lissa 's ticket too and they all had such a good time apparently . Dad had especially liked the climate there ; his arthritis hadn 't bothered him at all while they were there . He was looking forward to another visit . I told Mom that Tamara and her family were going to come out for Thanksgiving and Mom seemed tickled about that . They had liked Tamara , which pleased them because they were a little worried how it would all go . Cassie finally got back to the room , but she was dead tired . The physical therapy was work she told us ; hard work . She didn 't really even have too much energy for talking and so our visit was pretty short . As I hugged her goodbye , I told her to call me later if she wanted and that I would be back tomorrow . She asked me if I could come around 1 : 00 because she didn 't have anymore therapy until 4 : 00 tomorrow so we could talk and I promised her I would . Mom and I stopped at my favorite Mexican place for lunch , Felipes . I ordered the chilies rellanos and they were wonderful . " And was it hot ? " she asked . " Deathly ! But it was good . I wouldn 't have admitted it to Adam , but it was really almost too hot to enjoy , but it had a wonderful flavor . I brought a jar home , I 've got to let Dad try it ! " Mom sat there and laughed , shaking her head in her merriment . " And why wouldn 't you have admitted it to Adam ? " she asked , still laughing . " Because , he thought it would be too hot for me . I wasn 't going to show him he was right . So I sat there and ate the whole bowl that they had brought . Every last bit of it in fact ! " I giggled . " Oh Sarah , sometimes you are just ridiculous . You and your competitiveness . It will be your downfall , I promise you . You need to be able to cry out when it 's appropriate and say that something is too much for you . Winning or being the winner has always been way too important to you . Look at the softball game out there . You even struck Adam out and that 's not the way to treat your man ! " I thought about what she said and how Adam had indeed made me pay for that , but it was all in fun . It 's just a part of me , I know , this need to win . Maybe it 's not the best part of me , but it kills me not to give everything my best , to not be in control . They brought our food soon after that and we concentrated on eating . But I thought some more about what she had said and I knew deep down that she was right . I just didn 't necessarily know how to change it . I asked Mom if we could stop at the bath shop so I could pick up some more of the bubble baths and shower gels . I still hadn 't replaced the vanilla spice that Adam liked , so it would be a nice surprise for him . I love going in there and smelling all the different scents , but it bothers Mom 's allergies so we didn 't stay too long . And that made me think about Adam and all the sneezes last night . I hope he is right and it is just his allergies . We got to my house and Mom dropped me off . I waved as she pulled out of the driveway and entered the code into the lock so I could go in the house . Bobby was at work a " You are positive you didn 't send this ? " they asked . " No , I think I would remember that . Adam and I hadn 't even been home for long when it was sent . " " So it wasn 't sent from inside the house ? " That thought sent a bolt of lightening through me and I quickly sat down on a nearby chair . I felt light - headed again and started fanning myself with a magazine . Bobby watched me with concern on his face and I told him , " I 'll be okay , " and tried to smile . It had never occurred to me that it could have been sent from inside the house ! " Sarah , you do have an internet access account , so it could have been accessed from anywhere . That does mean though that someone has your log in and password . I remember you telling me that was in your purse . After this , I would suggest that you change it , maybe even get a new e - mail account all together . But let 's actually look at the message and see if there is even any reason to be concerned , " Detective Arnold told me . I double - clicked on the e - mail in order to read it . It was another verse and read : You think he loves youSilly foolHistory will repeat againHe gives nothing of himselfHe will break your heartHe will bring you only painAnd that 's when I fainted - for the first time in my life . I had been sitting on a chair thank goodness so I had only fell back against the wall and not onto the floor , but I still felt like a fool . I wasn 't feeling over - heated any longer and that was good I thought . Probably very good . " Can we turn on your printer so that we can print a copy of this ? Every e - mail has an identifying address or unique signature on it and sometimes you can tell exactly where it was sent from . We 'll take it with us and see if our computer experts can figure that out . " I nodded my head and reached over to turn the printer on . I whirred and clicked and made a few other electronic sounds before it was ready . Detective Rodriguez clicked the print icon and soon the printer was spewing out the page . Both detectives looked at it and then Detective Arnold put it into a folder and prepared to leave . I immediately blushed , because I knew exactly what we were doing and I wasn 't going to tell them . But it was Bobby who saved the day when he said , " Actually , I was still here . I didn 't leave until a few minutes after midnight . Sarah , you were in the bath and Adam and I were eating pizza in the kitchen . " I smiled at him , grateful for his help because I had totally forgotten about that . " That 's true , I had forgotten , " I told them . " I - I just can 't keep this from him , please don 't make me . " Bobby grabbed my hand and squeezed it , and I smiled at him . He and I walked them to the door and they left . I leaned against the door after I had closed it and breathed a sigh of relief . The timer went off in the kitchen right then and I told Bobby , " C ' mon , let 's go make some Goulash ! " We got the Goulash done and the salad tossed together and half an hour later we sat down to eat . I still didn 't really have much of an appetite , but I ate some . Grandma 's Goulash always tastes good and I don 't often take the time to make it just for me . " Well , I - I was just thinking about something . Don 't take this the wrong way or get upset or anything , but if the doctor says its okay , I would be glad to teach you some self - defense moves , you know ? Nothing too complicated , just some basic moves . But only when the doctor says it 's okay . " He sat there looking at me as my face paled , I could feel it . It was apparent that he was worried he had done the wrong thing by suggesting that . " I hadn 't really thought about something like that Bobby . But I guess , what 's the good of having a karate black belt in the house if I can 't learn anything ? " I told him . Actually , it might not be a bad idea at all . " I 'll ask Dr . Crandal . I don 't know if I 'm anywhere near ready to do something like that , although my ribs really don 't hurt me any more . I can 't speak for what 's going on with my head , " I laughed , tapping it with my hand . " Good , good . I was thinking about just some really basic protection moves . You can have your doctor call me if she has any questions about it . " " Thanks Bobby . I really appreciate your concern , and the fact that you are here right now . I think I would have freaked out if I had been here alone when I found that e - mail . " We finished the meal and got things squared away in the kitchen . The whole evening stretched ahead of us and I finally let Bobby drag me out to see a movie . It wasn 't one of Adam 's ; I don 't think I could have handled that . It was an exciting on - the - edge - of - your - seat movie and it really did occupy my mind for a few hours , which was good . And I really dreaded going back home to bed , to the bed that I now thought of as Adam 's and mine . We stopped and got ice cream on the way home and it tasted good . I decided to go on the ice cream diet for the next few days . Nothing wrong with that , right ? But the empty bed still reminded me of Adam I thought forlornly . I decided to go in a take a long , hot bath and on impulse took the phone in with me . It was only 10 : 30 , but I knew that Adam would be calling me and I didn 't want to miss the call . " Hi love . No , it really is allergies . They 've got me an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow . I 'll get some of my allergy medication and I 'll be fine . How was your day ? " he asked , and I heard him blow his nose on the other end of the line . I had to giggle , glamorous movie star indeed ! But then I remembered the e - mail and that thought quickly sobered me . " Its just like regular mail , you just address it to yourself . It 's weird , I know , but it can happen , " I told him , listening to him snuffling again . I was positive he had a cold ; I didn 't care what he thought . I repeated it to him , hating every word and how I knew it would make him feel . He was quiet for a minute as he thought about what I had told him . I finally asked him , " Are you all right Adam ? " " I 'm okay . I mean , it took awhile , but I 'm okay . Bobby and I went out to a movie after dinner and stopped for ice cream afterwards , and it helped to take my mind off of it . And he has offered to teach me some basic self - defense moves when Dr . Crandal says it 's okay . I go to see her on Wednesday morning , so we 'll see . " " That 's a good idea , an excellent idea in fact . " He was quiet again before adding , " I 'm so happy that Bobby is there with you . I can 't imagine how it must have felt when you saw that . " " Yeah , it was a shock . I hadn 't opened it then actually . I had only saw that it came from my account and when it was sent and that really freaked me out . Then Bobby came in and we decided to call the detectives before we opened it . " " They read it and printed a copy to take with them . They might be able to tell where it was sent from by the IP address on it . They are checking it out . Look Adam , I 've been thinking about it and whoever is doing this is just trying a new approach , to make me doubt you . But I don 't Adam , not at all . Okay ? " When he didn 't say anything I asked again , " Do you understand that ? I don 't doubt you . " " All right then , I know you and I know how much you care about me . I don 't imagine why it said the things it did about your past , but I do believe you love me Adam . This has to be a past love interest Adam . " " It sounds like it , but I honestly don 't know who it could be . I didn 't lie when I said there weren 't that many in the past and most have ended pretty amicably . Except for Rachel , which never really began or ended . Of course , she seems to feel otherwise . " " Well , hopefully the detectives will be able to tell us more about it soon . Not everyone knows that you can trace e - mails like that , so we 'll see . " I felt like we needed to change the subject , I just couldn 't deal with this anymore tonight . " How was your day , the script run throughs ? " " They went fine . Rachel was here and acted as if nothing had happened in California . I saw Sunni briefly and she said to tell you hello . Krista took me to pick up the car I 'll be using while here and we chatted again . She just seems to have a different personality . She actually asked about my family and stuff and you . It 's amazing to me . " " I don 't know , but it makes things a bit more pleasant on set . Oh and I forgot to mention the most important thing - I don 't work on Friday , so I 'll be home on Thursday night . Probably late , but I 'll be there love . " A flush of warmth spread through me and I couldn 't wait until he was home . " So , only three more nights in this lonely bed ? I am delighted about that , " I told him , keeping my voice low and as sexy as I could . " Is it really ? Lonely I mean ? God , I miss you Bella . I miss holding you in my arms before we sleep and waking up next to you . " His voice was equally low and I knew how much we were both thinking of the other . " Yes , it 's very lonely Adam . " My voice caught for a moment and the hated lump appeared again in my throat . I swallowed frantically trying to get it to go down , but it was futile . After this miserable afternoon and missing him so much , I just wanted to be with him badly . He giggled and I joined him . We were two naughty kids laughing about something terrible , but it was fun . " I guess it 's time to say goodnight , " I told him . " Hm , I guess so . I 'll talk to you tomorrow love . Goodnight , " he said , echoing my words and we both hung up our phones . Kristin sent me this picture of the cake she and her daughter made from the recipe I posted . I wanted to share ! Kristin , thanks so much for sharing and making us all hungry ! Adam talked to Bobby , who was only to happy to come and stay for awhile longer . I decided that I needed to go to the grocery store if I was going to have anything to feed him , but of course I had to wait until the installer 's were done in order for Adam to be able to leave the house . Still not being able to drive was very frustrating . I really felt wonderful , not even any headaches . I was hopeful that when I see Dr . Crandal next week she will let me drive . I know that my mom and dad will be glad to help out and there are always taxis but I just want to be able to drive myself . The installer 's weren 't done until almost 4 : 30 , but at least that had given me time to go through the kitchen and figure out want I really needed . Plus , feeding Bobby for almost a week would definitely take more groceries . It cost me over a hundred dollars at the store , and when Adam looked at my determined face , he knew enough not to offer to pay for it . Which was good I thought after I saw the bill for the security system ; almost 5 thousand dollars , but it was state of the art . The monthly monitoring was going to be almost $ 120 all on its own . But there were motion sensor lights , an alarm system that included several hidden cameras and a voice recognition system that could be activated by either my voice or Adam 's . Adam was quiet all the way through the grocery store , only shrugging when I asked him what he wanted for dinner . I think this must be the gloomy side of Adam that Tamara told me about . I understood that , but despite how Adam feels , life is going on . He is going to leave tomorrow evening and we are going to be apart for a week or so . I hated that ; it felt like a part of myself would be gone , but the time would pass . I didn 't know anyway to get through it other than to just do it . It didn 't feel quite the same as when I left Italy . I knew then that Adam and I wanted to be together again true , but things weren 't as evolved for us then . Now , we are together and our relationship now has many more different layers than it diI woke up around 2 : 00 am and it was my stomach that was growling . I slipped out of bed and found my robe hanging on the back of the door and put it on . I cautiously opened the door and headed to the kitchen . The cold remains of our unfinished dinner sat staring at me from the stove and counter and I began to toss it all out . The pancetta was too far gone to save and it went down the garbage disposal without a second thought , as did the half - chopped vegetables . It didn 't take long before it was all done and I tried to decide what I wanted to eat . It was between a bowl of cereal and my old standby - an apple and peanut butter . I was leaning up to reach for the peanut butter when Adam came into the kitchen . His hair was mussed , standing up in spots and he had a sleepy smile on his face . " Please love , no peanut butter , " he asked as he came over and pulled me to him for a kiss . " Okay , " I stated , deciding to take a stand . " Will you please tell me exactly what you have against peanut butter ? " " I - it 's just , uh , I just find it repulsive ! " he told me , a shudder running through him . " What do you find repulsive about it ? " I could see that he really felt strongly about it and I was very curious . " Adam , please ? " " It 's just that when we were very small , sometimes that would be the only thing that we had to eat , us kids I mean . Mom and dad would be off at some village and they always kept jars of peanut butter on hand . I mean , before I learned to cook , there often wasn 't anything that would be safe for us . But there were always jars of peanut butter . I know it 's nutritious and all ; but I just can 't stand it . Even just looking at it makes my stomach queasy . Stupid , I know , " he finished apologetically . I thought about this for a few moments . I adore peanut butter . I can 't imagine not eating peanut butter . Compromise , that 's the only way to go here . " All right Adam , " I answered . " Here is what we will do . As strongly as you despise it , I adore it . But I will only eat peanut butter when you aren 't around to see it . But I 'm still buying it and having it in the house , okay ? I 'll just try to remember that it makes you feel ill . " He smiled , a rather sheepish smile true , but it was sincerely happy . " Thank you love . Now , I 'm starving , so let me get us a bite together ! " he said , digging through the cabinets gathering ingredients . " I 'll just make us some pancakes , shall I ? " he asked , pulling out ingredients to make them from scratch , which I hadn 't done for years . I 'm not sure if I 've grown lazy or just decided that the mixes were as good as anything I could come up with , but whatever , I always use a pancake mix . While he got the batter ready I pulled syrup out of the cabinet and then the butter out of the fridge . I also grabbed the milk and poured myself a big glass , which Adam reached for and drank half of while smiling at me , his eyes twinkliI was watching him standing in the kitchen , wearing his bathrobe as he flipped pancakes . It was surprisingly sexy and very comforting . And the thought came to me that this time tomorrow he would be in Dallas and I wouldn 't . A huge lump rose quickly in my throat and I turned away from him to swallow it down . I didn 't want him to see me upset that he was going ; it would make an already difficult situation even worse . I got my emotions under control and went over to the stove , watching him pull the last of the pancakes off the griddle . There was an impossibly huge stack of them and I was positive we wouldn 't even be able to make a dent . I refilled my glass of milk and poured another for Adam and we sat down at the table to eat . I was wrong though , we ate every last one of those pancakes and I certainly did my fair share . They were light and fluffy and utterly delicious and the maple syrup soaked right into them . I felt roly - poly by the time I pushed myself away from the table . We quickly cleared the dishes up and got everything squared away in the kitchen . I turned the light off and we headed back into the bedroom and I noticed that it was a little after 3 : 00 as I crawled back into the chilly sheets of the bed . Adam settled beside me and he turned the TV on , searching through the channels to find something to watch . We found about 50 channels with infomercials playing and a dozen sports events . Great . I know what we 'll have on ! But surprisingly , Adam turned the set off and we sat there in the dim light of the lamp , with nothing to do . Adam put his arm around me and we were just quiet for a few minutes . I could tell that something was on his mind and all I could do was just wait until he decided to speak . Luckily , I didn 't have too long to wait . " I have never ever before wanted to not go to work on a film . But I don 't want to go this time . I don 't want to leave you behind . " " I know Adam , but it won 't be for long . I will be okay and so will you . It just doesn 't feel like that right now . " " Um , that isI woke up around 10 : 00 and l looked over at Adam who was still sleeping . I was still tired , but another vivid dream had woke me up . I shivered involuntarily as I remembered it . Adam was alone in a room that I couldn 't see clearly . I think he was hurt and he was calling to me , but I couldn 't find him . I couldn 't tell what was wrong exactly , but he was very alone . The place was dark and dank and seemed very cold . I think I could see his breath . He seemed worn out and his calls were becoming more and more feeble and I knew it was terribly important that I find him . And I wasn 't alone , someone was helping me look for him but I didn 't know who it was . I couldn 't even tell if it was a man or woman . I only know that they were as desperate as I was to find him . I shivered as I remembered the dream , how frantic I was to find him . And I couldn 't help but to wonder who was helping me ? Is there someone out there who is on our side ; someone who doesn 't want Adam hurt ? If so , I wish I knew who they were . I tried to lie there in the bed quietly and not squirm , but I finally realized that was futile and I was going to wake Adam up , so I slid cautiously toward the edge of the bed and sat up . I peeked over my shoulder and Adam was sleeping still so I got up and headed into the bathroom . I wanted to take a bath to dispel the chills from my strange dream . I ran a bath and poured some magnolia scented bubble bath into the streaming water and inhaled the soothing fragrance . Pearlescent bubbles started growing in the water as if by magic and it made me think of the thousands of times I had performed this bath ritual , and how I almost always felt better afterward . I turned the taps off and climbed into the tub , sinking down with a sigh . I had pulled my hair up into a pony tail on top of my head , so I laid back and let the relaxing warmth penetrate my chilled body . I closed my eyes and tried to remember more about the dream . It was so oddly disturbing and lucid and I felt as if there was something important about it that I neeWe all sat and chatted for a few minutes when the doorbell rang again and I know that I jumped at the sound . Bobby jumped up and said " I 'll get it , " and it turned out to be Mom and Dad coming to say goodbye . But more than that , they wouldn 't hear of Adam taking a cab to the airport and were determined that he accepted a ride , and he finally agreed . And so that Mom and Dad wouldn 't have to come all the way over here from the airport , I decided to stay here . At 7 : 15 Adam was ready and I walked out to the car with him , reluctant to say the words ' goodbye ' . I stood there , being held in his arms for one last time and I knew my heart was breaking . This was worse than when I left Italy because it was Adam leaving this time . I didn 't care if it was only for a week , it seemed like it would be forever to me . " All right love . I 'll call you when I get settled in Dallas tonight . It will be late though , okay ? " " Yes , " I agreed , trying so hard not to fall completely apart . " I 'll be waiting , so it doesn 't matter how late it will be . I 'll be waiting … " I trailed off as he climbed into the car . I stood there in the reflections of the lights and waved and then watched as the darkness slowly swallowed them up and it was only Bobby and I standing out side in chilly night air . " C ' mon now Sarah , let 's get inside , " Bobby said , almost having to tug me into the house . When I got inside I looked around me and the house seemed empty and bereft . Empty of Adam , of my love because he had taken my heart with him . " Bobby , if you are hungry please feel free to get something to eat or just otherwise make yourself at home . I 'm going to go on into my room okay ? It 's been a really long day . I 'll see you in the morning . " " Hey Sarah , are you sure you don 't want to watch a movie or something , " he said , trying to help . I shook my head no , I really only wanted to retreat to our room . It would be probably 4 hours or so before I heard from him and possibly even longer than that , depending on what was going Posted by