I think we have to do the things we don 't like so that we can get to the things we like to do . Like … even though I like my job , it 's still boring to have to work all the time . But , if you don 't work you won 't appreciate the free time you get so you can spend it on things you like . 11 . You 're having lunch with three people you respect and admire . They all start criticizing a close friend of yours , not knowing she is your friend . The criticism is distasteful and unjustified . What do you do ? Getting a drivers license . And nothing is holding me back right now . . well , except for the motor on my car being busted . But I 'm working on it . Hmmm … That 's a tough one . I think losing touch with a friend who lives close by . If a good friend moves away you can still have contact . Now , with the technology we have , it 's easier . Again , a tough one . If I lose all my old memories , I 'll forget all about my dad and I don 't want to do that … But on the other hand , I want to make new memories with hubby … all the time . I think so , yes … I think it was when a company I worked for let me go . . or decided not to use me any more . I was 100 % sure I had a permanent job there . I don 't think so . Being a call - for - help , I have freedom to do what I 'd like when I want to … unless I have to work , of course . But yeah … I 'd keep the job . So that I wouldn 't get bored . Before dad died , I think . I had a glimmer of an idea for a new story and I started writing it down . But after he died I haven 't had much desire to write . I 'll get it back , just not right now . Who knows . I guess people are afraid of failure , that they feel that they have to get it right on the first try because that 's the " right " way . Bullshit , I tell you . Again , it 's been a long time since I posted . And I KNOOOOW … I should get better at posting more often , but honestly , I don 't know what to write about . I mean , I could write what I 've been hinting and teasing about . Oh , what the hell . I 'm done with her anyway . It 'll be like a diary thing , posting dates from when things happened . It 'll be a long ass post , but yeah … commence cleansing . I have to write this while I remember it . I have mentioned it in my blog , but it 's a censured version . Later , when I have nothing to do with Liv any more , I 'll write the whole story . But for right now we might need her and it 's best to keep the peace . But I won 't write the full name ( well , fuck . Oh well . . whatever ) I went back to Bergen on June 7th to help and aid my brother taking care of dad . A week before he got the news that the cancer had stopped responding to the chemo and that it was best to stop treatment and focus more about his well - being . It came as a slap in the face , putting it mildly . I had always hoped that it would take longer before this moment happened , but there it was . I also think dad had hoped he had longer . And I don 't know if he was all together honest with me when he told me about the cancer . But it 's also possible that I have supplanted a few things he told me … or just forgot . It was a heavy blow to learn that he had cancer when he told me , and it was a lot of information for my little head to take in . Anyway … Tuesday the 7th of June I came home and was shocked to see how much he had changed from the last time I was home . He looked so frail . His hair was almost gone and all his muscles had melted away . And his voice was almost gone . . and I think he knew it was nearing the end . He was very emotional and crying , and we comforted him as best we could . He also said he wanted me to have financial authorization of his accounts and such . ( yay … . - _ - ) We had dinner and dad had a little . After dinner we talked and suddenly he wanted to go to bed . After that my brother and I talked and he told me what he 's been through . . that he was exhausted from his illness and having to take care of dad and all that . The Home nurse came and checked on dad . He said he was having major stomach pains and that he felt constipated . His GP also came , earlier agreement , and they agreed that dad would be sent to hospital to have the " plug " removed . So I got to ride in an Ambulance . And then I sat , in the waiting room , for three hours waiting for information , having to suffer through Norwegian soap … * shudder * Eventually I got to talk to dad as he came out of the bathroom … He was then wheeled into a four - man - room and he told me I could just go home . I asked him if he was sure and he said yeah . My brother had hit the town to unwind , so when I came home I was all alone . I had hoped to grab a burger or something , but there were no burger joint near the hospital . Luckily my brother said he 'd bring me some . It was a good burger . Dad came home from the hospital . My brother went there to get him and they rode back in an ambulance , so he got to ride in one too … One of the ambulance drivers helped my dad up the stairs into bed . He was complaining about pain and he got a quick - working morphine . As the day went he moved from bed into the living room and for a second he was totally wasted , gesticulating wildly , and in that second I saw old dad . The one he was before the cancer and the pain . And it was like a knife through my heart , to know that he wouldn 't be there much longer . He had such bad pains . The morphine didn 't help at all , and I don 't think he got any pain relief when he was at the hospital . My brother sat up with him most of the night . I got up around 6am . Dad called me from the living room , wanting to go to the bathroom . I helped as best I could , but he had no energy . I helped him into the bathroom , closed the door and sat down on a chair in his bedroom , waiting . And then I heard him falling and a heart wrenching cry . I was so sure he was sprawled on the bathroom floor , but when I yanked the door open , he was on the toiled . Having no energy to ease onto the seat he simply smacked his bony butt down and yeah … hurt his ass . . I then helped him into bed and he said he had to give himself an enema . He tried , at least , but he couldn 't squeeze the tiny tube . . so I had to do it . He looked at me and said " I 'm sorry , but you 'll have to do it " Later the home nurse came and she told us that we were getting a toilet chair , a wheelchair , a shower chair and so on . And they got the whole responsibility for his medicine . Up until then my brother , who can do it , he was a nurse of sorts , had had the responsibility and he was happy to let them have it . She also called the head office , and it was decided that , since he was in such pain , they would send him back to hospital for pain treatment . My brother went with him , and I was alone again . There were things I wanted to take care of while they were away , cleaning floors , dusting and such . And since he had given me authorization , and we had talked about it when he was lucid , that I would transfer some money to me and my brother to make things easier for us after dad died … but the codes he had given me didn 't work . So I ended up using them too many times and shutting the bank site for me . Liv was also came to visit . This was because I had told dad about the trouble I was having with getting into the bank , and he called her and told her to transfer money to us . She came by to ask about it , because if we were to borrow money from her , we had to agree on rates and so on . I told her that she didn 't have to lend us money , that I had some stashed away . And we talked about a lot of other things . She also bombarded me with information about what I had to do , what would happen and so on , none of which I remember now . But when she left I felt so scared and alone . And I had a small breakdown and I couldn 't stop crying . Everything seemed so hopeless and difficult . Luckily Jan called me and he calmed me down . " It 'll be fine . I 'll help you . You don 't have to worry about a thing . " I 'm so glad he called . My guess is that his " Lene is distressed " senses were tingling . I went to the hospital to visit dad . He was sleeping . I was there for a few hours . Crying . Reading . Talking to him , letting him know that I was there . He came to when the nurses took his temperature and stuff , and I think he registered me being there . At least I hope so . He also had a CT - scan of his stomach and he slept through everything . Eventually I decided to meet up with my brother and mom in town on Madam Felle at Bryggen . I almost managed to sit down before I started bawling . So , we spend the day talking , drinking , having a lovely dinner at China Palace and then we went to Bocca . A magnificent bar downtown Bergen … and the Drag Queens there were fucking fantastic . During the evening the hospital called and informed us that dad was sleeping a lot and that it might be a sign that things were getting near the end . But my brother , who got the phone , didn 't get the impression that is was imminent . Eventually we went home . The hospital called and said dad 's kidneys were starting to fail . My brother got a ride from Liv to go to the hospital . I stayed at home and did more house stuff . I had put a load in when my brother called and said Liv was on the way to pick me up . Dad was very not good . As I was changing clothes I frantically called Jan and told him about what was happening . He was shocked . Liv came and had to take a break first before we went back to hospital . I told her that I had called Jan and that he had said he would be there the following Thursday and she said " Why ? " . And I got annoyed . . Like . . whey the hell do you think ? But I just said I wanted him there . She then said that we should stop at an ATM and use dads card to take out money . . and I asked how much and she answered " as much as you can . " I had dads card and a code , but I had no idea if the code was for the card . I said we could go to a gas station and see if it worked there . So , we stopped at a Shell station and I got us some sodas and I tried the card . . and it was the wrong code . So we had no other choice than to go to the hospital . We came up to the room and he was sleeping , taking very deep breaths and his eyes were half open . My brother went out to get some " fresh air " and I sat down and talked to dad , telling him we were there and that we loved him and so on . My brother came back and Liv left the room . My brother sat down a and held his left hand while I held dad 's right . We sat like that for about 20 min and his breathing became deeper , but longer and longer between each one . at 1pm he stopped breathing and died . I don 't know if I can call it peaceful , because it sounded so terrible hearing him fight for breath in a way and not getting it . But that was it . It wasn 't the end we had hoped for him . He was going to become older than 64 , he was supposed to travel the land , enjoying his RV . I guess Jan and I will have to do that for him now . Liv came into the room and was shocked that he was gone . A short while later a nurse came in and went to get a doctor to confirm that he was indeed gone . There really wasn 't much we could do for him , so we went home . Liv drove us . On the way home she started telling us what we had to do and so on . Again , loads of information I don 't remember now because I had JUST LOST MY DAD ! ! ! My brother told her , kindly , that we appreciated the information and thanked her for it , but now was not the time . She sat quiet for a minute , and then started up again , talking about meaningless things . I don 't think she can help it . We got home and I called Jan . Poor thing was shocked that it happened so fast and sad that he wasn 't there to say goodbye . The rest of the day and night we listened to music and tried to keep out mood up . A tough job . Planning the funeral started . I called Bergen og Omeng Begraveleses hjelp and they said they 'd visit the next day . My brother started calling friend and colleges of our dad to tell them about his passing . They were all shocked . The funeral place put me in contact with a guy from Humane Ethics Federation , since we both agreed that we wanted a civil funeral for dad . He was never a religious person , and we wanted more focus on him than on God and Jesus . Anyway , the guy I talked to seemed like a really nice guy on the phone . Mom came to us and stayed . She was shocked too , poor thing . She had planned on visiting him that Sunday , but she had gotten a cold so she decided not to . And we started to look around for things to throw away . We knew that none of us would be able to live in the house and that we 'd have to empty it to sell it . That 's when we came across the love letters … from - 92 . . when mum and dad were still married . From what we read we found out why they got a divorce . Dad had cheated on mom . It was good , in a way , to find out why . And if didn 't change anything . It was so long ago , and we all make mistakes , have flaws and faults . We also found pictures of dad with his other old girlfriend . In the nude . It all went in the fireplace . When I was young I found my dad 's porn stash in the attic . We found more porn / erotica in his closets . A LOT of DVD 's in the office . . But my god the amounts of papers he had . Home - guard , his gun club , banking things . A lot to go through and figure out what to throw out and what to shred . Men we decided not to start doing that until after the funeral . It was held at Mollendal Kapell at 12 . 30 on the 22 / 6 After the fineral , he was being cremated , we had a get together at a Yacht Club not far from where my dad lived . He had a buffet for 60 people , and I had to admit that I was scared when I saw how many people were at the chapel that we wouldn 't have enough food . But it went great . The food was delicious . We had chicken thighs , salmon , salads , fruits , meat patties . The dessert was a lemon fromage and a chocolate fromage , and they were divine . The Funeral was beautiful . My brother and I wanted music by The Beatles since dad liked them so much . We decided on " Let it be " . I also wanted Gabriel 's Obo preformed by Yo Yo - ma . We also wanted " The show must go on " by Queen , but Liv absolutely wanted " Time to say goodbye " , which is the worlds largest cliché , but whatever . Before the funeral " Tir na noir " , " Blackbird " and one more played , and it was perfect . The funeral guy had a wonderful speech about dad , his life and his way of being . It was really tough , but Jan was there to hold my hand through it all . At the end of the ceremony the casket was lowered into the ground and we put roses on it . It 's one of the toughest things I 've ever had to do . ( I feel I have to add here that on the friday , the day after Jan came , we went to IKEA to get a mattress for dads bed . The one that was on the bed was so sweated through by dad . He had terrible night sweats . We spend one night in the tiniest double bed in the world in the basement , and it was no good for us . Right before we left for IKEA Liv called and " complained " that she wasn 't mentioned in the obituary in the newspaper . As far as I know friends ( former girlfriends ) go under " other family and friends " . If they had an actual relationship when dad died , other than she coming around to chew a hole in his head about the latest cancer treatment , then I 'd mention her . But her neighbours had mentioned how odd it was that she hadn 't been mentioned . Why the hell should I care what the hell her neighbours think ? ? I don 't even care what my neighbours think ! SO I got rather pissed off over the extra thing she put on me . I felt as if I could do nothing right . And my mom said she had never seen me that pissed off . Luckily my brother called the newspaper and had them put the obituary in again … with her name in it … but seriously . Really ? ? ? We also invited Liv over for dinner on the 19th of June . We had a pork rib with crackling in the freezer we needed to get rid of . She , Liv , was rather surprised and worried that mom was there . It makes me wonder how her family dynamic works . To us it 's natural to gather and share the sorrow , to make it easier for everyone to bare . But I also wonder what dad had said about mom … and if it was said in anger . Anyway … after the dinner the unpleasantness started . Liv had found a bottle of Drambui and was spewing bile everywhere . Mostly towards mom . At one point she told her to shut the fuck up … at which point we all attacked her . You don 't tell any of us to shut the fuck up . At one point the funeral guy called and asked about something , so I had to step away . When I came back my brother had told Liv about the love letter we found and that dad had been unfaithful . At which point she turns towards mom and seriously asks " What did you do to make him do that ? " She kept making it seem like it was all mom 's fault that dad had cheated on her . As far as mom knew they had a great relationship . So . . during the funeral and after it , for that matter , she kept to herself mostly , acting like a fucking queen . At least we had a good time . It was something my dad would have wanted , a good party . But not overly so . They were all telling us that the ceremony had been lovely and it pleased me so much . Liv told me that it had been nice … I guess that 's as good as I can get from her . She couldn 't even say " Oh , well done " when I told her that I just had released a book in English . She said " One should probably master ones own language before attempting a new one " . So , I don 't think she is capable of being pleased for anyone . She claimed the reason why she got so drunk was because she didn 't drink too much , but we know different . And anyway … all in moderation . Especially when things are iffy . Don 't get drunk . Yeah , it 's been ages . And I have been meaning to post something for ages , but I haven 't had anything really to write about . Which is weird because this has been some of the most busy months for me . We 've been busy dealing with selling dad 's house and a lot of other things . But the thing I really want to write about has to wait a little longer . The story behind the story . It 'll be a long entry , but I want it out , but now is not the time . I know I 'm being cryptic . And why shouldn 't I ? I want you to stay interested . I 'm also struggling a lot with feelings of guilt . I feel terrible that we sold the house . I feel terrible for what happened to my dad right before he died , the pain he had to go through . It also struck me the other day that " shit , he won 't be around for Christmas . " Do I pick up the thread where he left off ? Do I buy Christmas gifts for my cousins instead ? I don 't want them to miss out , you know . . even though they are as old as I am . I know I 've done this before , but I thought it 's about time to do this again . I mean , I am getting older , and my views might have changed a little … But I 'll try hard not to answer the questions in the same manner this time around . Here we go : Yes , most of them . Last night I was dreaming about the entity again . The invisible one that keeps turning up and I have to forcefully tell it to leave me alone . Yes , I do . I was watching a Rooster Teeth thing , and they are funny . Especially when Meg Turney is in the mix . And she was this time , so it worked out great . Nothing . After we redid the room we haven 't gotten that far yet as to hang pictures and stuff . . AND I have some plans for the pictures , so yeah … I said ban religion last time … so I 'll go with : ban politics ! But that wouldn 't work , so … hmm . . that 's a tough one . I don 't know . . Just try to make people more open - minded and accepting of others . None . I don 't want to become a debt slave just so that I can have nice things . I 'd rather wait and buy things when I can afford them . I don 't know . I think I 'd not retire to anywhere . . I 'd play more games , keep my mind occupied , but I wouldn 't want to go anywhere . . Depends who 's calling . And I don 't have a ring - ring tone . . I have Markiplier singing " Oh , bitch I 'm fabulous " . I have Oblivion , Metal Gear Solid ( a few games ) , Silent hill ( a few games ) , Dead Space 1 and 2 and a lot more games to stream . Might not be new news , but I 'm excited about it none the less … especially since my Elgato FINALLY GOT FIXED ! ! ! WOOOOT A lot of things inspire me . It all depends what you mean by inspire , though . I mean , last time I said that a good piece of music can inspire me to write and a bad piece of music can inspire me to punch babies ( not that I 'd ever do that . . seriously ) … Maybe in another few years I 'll find one of these question things that has new questions . Or maybe I could have read through them before I posted it . . Oh well . Live and learn , eh ? I know I 've been gone for a long time , and I 've done so with intention . As you might know my dad had cancer . And he was getting treatment for it . I went to visit and help him on June 7th and he was doing pretty well … considering . He had , a week before , talked to a doctor , after having been so bad , health wise , that he was put in hospital ; and the doctor said that the cancer wasn 't responding to treatment and it was best just to stop treatment and focus on his well - being . So , he was doing well on the 7th . Reduced and emotional , wanting reassurance from us about things and so on , and giving me legal right from him to access his bank account . However , he was pretty drugged up so he couldn 't give me the right codes . He ate a little that day and went to bed early . The next day , Wednesday , his GP came to check on him and he felt that , since my dad was struggling with constipation , it was best to go to the hospital again to have the " plug " removed . So I got to ride in an ambulance . But I also saw just how bad he was , then . How jaundiced . So I sat in the waiting room for three hours waiting for my dad to get treated . When they finally got me he was in the bathroom . And then he sent me away . I told him I 'd be happy to stay with him , but he said no . So I left , feeling like a bitch . My brother came to pick him up the next day , so he got to ride in an ambulance , too . One of the ambulance guys helped my dad up the stairs and saw to it that he was OK . Very nice and helpful guys . So , my brother and I spent the day helping our dad into his bed , and then into the living room , back into bed and so on because he was in such pain . I don 't think they gave him pain relief at all when he was in hospital , even thought they have his journal and all that . And we tried to call the Home - Aid people to have them come give him something , but they didn 't answer the phone because it was after hours and we had to call a special number and we couldn 't fine the piece of paper with the number on it . So dad was delirious with pain . He had fast working morphine tablets , but they didn 't touch the pain at all . It was terrible seeing him like that . Eventually I went to bed and I could hear my brother helping dad . My brother stayed up with dad all night long . AroI went to the hospital and came to dads room . He was … I don 't know . . He looked nothing like himself . My brother went out to have a smoke and I sat down and held my dad 's hand , talking softly to him , telling him we all loved him . My brother came back and dad 's lady friend left the room . And dad 's breaths became more erratic . And then he died . When we got home I called hubby and told him the bad news . He was shocked . It happened so fast . In retrospect it was a good thing . He didn 't have to suffer any more . I called the funeral place on Monday and they were amazing . I can 't tell you how wonderful they have been . Since my dad wasn 't a religious man at all , we decided to have a civil ( ? ) funeral for him . It means that it 's not a priest spewing nonsense . They put me in touch with a guy from the Norwegian Humanist Association and he was , I think , the perfect guy to have the funeral . It 's been a tough month for me . It 's been a tough month for everyone involved , I think . We started cleaning out the house , throwing things away that were old or in disrepair . He was a … I won 't say hoarder , because it wasn 't that bad . He had a lot of stuff . He did a lot of stuff . When he was competitively shooting , he made the club great . He put a lot of work into making a club magazine and stuff like that . So , in that regard , he had A LOT of paperwork lying around . He was in the home guard … and because of that he had A LOT of paperwork . He was an avid TV - watcher , and he recoded A LOT of TV - series and so on , so he had A LOT of DVD 's . And he had inherited A LOT of stuff from other people . So yeah . A lot of stuff to sift through to see what 's safe to throw away and what needed to be shredded . Hubby and I drove home yesterday . Nine and a half hours by car . I 'm exhausted , and I know there is a lot to be done . I still feel so guilty for not being able to help dad with his pain . I feel like it was our fault that he was pushed into going to he hospital and that . But logically I know that it wouldn 't have made that big a difference . He might have hung in there for a few more days , but it would have ended the same way . He cancer was spreading to his lunges and making it harder for him to breathe . Sometimes I hate that little voice speaking up . It 's very destructive . Sorry for the lack of pictures , but I didn 't feel like putting up a lot of pictures of a dying man . So , here 's one of a very alive one . One that represented my dad perfectly . Why Dani on PC got fucked up ? I gave her too much money in one go … so the amount became negative . And I tried to reverse the amount . . 999 gold at a time . It took too long , so I deleted her and made Cora . So far I 've completed The Companion quest line , The Collage of Winterhold quest line , I 've gotten a few houses ; Breezehome in Winterhold and Lakeview Manor outside Markarth . I 've married Farkas ( yay ! ) and the steward I had from Markarth kind of died a little in a bandit raid we had . . SHE STEPPED IN FRONT OF MY BLADE ! ! ! Not my fault . So Lydia is my steward now , and doing a well job . I 've also killed a cook , killed an emperor and want to kill a guy named … I can 't remember . . gah . He was a commander guy Astrid from The Dark Brotherhood gave me up to . Maco ? Something along those lines . I finished The Dark Brotherhood quest line , too . Although , the Night Mother keeps wanting to talk to me , and I 'm done with her . Ill go back to the sanctuary , but only to torture prisoners . Speaking of quests . In The Companion quest line you become The Harbinger . This is because Skjor dies and later on Graymane ( ? ) dies . But you manage to save Graymane from the void or whatever , and send him to Sovngard . Both Farkas and his brother , Vilkas , thinks that he 's on the right idea , so you heal them of their lycanthropy . And thusly you can marry one of them . Anyway … speaking of Skjor . He dies . But . . I was playing yesterday and … well … Aela and some other girl was out . . walking Skjor , so to speak … And speaking of weird . I decided to do a Skyrim tour . Like I started in Riften and walked to all the towns in Skyrim . Large ones , at least . On the way I came across a castle with meanies in it . They attacked me . . Threw everything they had at me . . and I was suffering a little . When I was done killing them I continued on my way . . and I saw someone running towards me . I thought nothing of it until he was at my side , saying " Good to see you , dear " . Farkas ! Who let you out of your cage ? ? I can imagine him , sitting at home and suddenly getting tingling in his Cora senses . " She 's in trouble ! " and then set of running to save me . It 's a nice , romantic idea , and I know that 's not the truth , but still . . Leave me alone ! I " hired " him as a follower so keep him safe . I do not want him to die ! ! ! I don 't know what I 'll do if he dies . Well , I resurrect him , but it won 't be the same , in a way . Silly , I know , but still … So we ran along , killing things . . and he almost died a few times , so when we got to Winterhold I told him to go home . I have a feeling that if he 's on his own he 's good , he can 't die . . but as soon as he 's with me and he gets in trouble , he can die . So it would be best if he was on his own all the time . I guess … But I do my best to keep him alive . I 'll always look out for my man . I just wish he 'd wear the Daedric armour I gave him . I mean . . I gave it to him so he 'd be safe , but he won 't wear it . It 's a mind boggling thing . I know I need to revisit a lot of the places I 've been . I know I 've missed a lot of hidden secrets and stuff . Some of the places I 've already visited are harder to get into now . One such place is Silversomething something , and I can 't get a gate to open . You 're supposed to take a helmet off a pressure plate , and the door opens . . and I 've done it SO many times , but it doesn 't want to open . I 'm starting to get really annoyed . I guess I 'll wait a little and see if it 'll respawn or something . Another thing that 's a little annoying to me is the fact that people keep telling Farkas that he 's stupid . He 's not . He 's as bright as the sun . I 've seen him read ! I 've seen him dabble in alchemy … even though , from behind , it looked like he was dabbling with something else … : / And the fucking Blades ! ! ! They want me to kill Paarthurnax . . So far he 's been more helpful than the Blades ! Seriously ! I will not kill that dragon unless and until he attacks me ! Just imagine killing of the one person in the world that has the most knowledge of everything . So what if he used to be Alduins lieutenant . He 's not any more and the fact that he 's been sitting at the top of the world , contemplating his navel , and peace , ever since the last dragon , except for him , died , speaks volumes ! The Blades are supposed to serve me . . I 'm not supposed to do whatever the hell they want me to do . In this one thing I 'll wilfully disobey them . Vehemently so ! I 'll protect him with my own life . I think that 's about it . I should start the Dawnguard quest thing soon . The vampires around Skyrim are starting to get really annoying . I 'll kill them all . I won 't become one of them . I remember I saw one , running across country and over hills . I got really suspicious . There is no way she wasn 't up to something . . so I killed her . It 's better that way . I know I have to go back to Solstheim , too . . and I 'm not looking forward to that . Oh well . There is work to be done . The life of a Dragonborn is an action packed one . It has been a long time . And I have been doing things … like working , a little . . and visiting my dad . He 's still sick , so … and we don 't think he 'll ever get well from it . We just don 't know how long he 'll " last " . Could be 2 years . . could be 5 years or it could be 10 years . Personally , I 'm hoping for 10 years . But yeah . He is doing the treatment thing and living as best he can . And he 's stable at 84 kg after having plummeted to 70 - something . He looks better and he feels better . But he still needs help because he 's still very tired . And that 's fine because I , for one , am happy to help . The only thing that 's an issue , and not really an issue , really … is the travelling . 7 hours on a train is boring . And I could have taken the plane , but my feet won 't like that , so I don 't . And it would be more expensive . Train rides are a mild inconvenience , seriously . I just need to stop bitching about it . Maybe soon I can drive over there = D I have to admit that I have enjoyed visiting them , though . Of course I have . Shopping with mum is like such fun … and I 've gotten two jeans that I thought I 'd never get . And it works out great because I 've lost weight too . Hubby had been borrowing my belt because he keeps leaving his at work . . so , before I left last time I decided to put it on , because he got a new one … and it turns out that the belt is too big now . I 'm not complaining ! I need to make new holes . XD And I finally got the boots I 've been drooling all over since I saw them on Zalando . no . I can 't wait to start wearing them . I 've tried them on a few times and they are a little snug , but I 'll work with it … And I need new trainers . My Nike shox are worn and not doing too well … So I was thinking about these . . I got an Elgato , but it doesn 't want to work with the settings . . or my TV doesn 't want to work with the settings needed for the Elgato to work . It 's a bitch , honestly . I 've gotten so many cool games now I can stream . Metal Gear , Silent Hill and more . I think my TV is too new . I think I 've figured it out , but it can 't be … surely not . Do I really have to have the three plugs in the back to make the setting work ? Seriously ? * annoyed * My dad is doing OK . He is still getting his treatment and he has good days and bad days . We 're still taking it one day at a time , not planning huge things ahead of time . This time , when I visited home , I saw my aunt and uncle . . and I haven 't seen them since my grandfathers funeral . It was nice to sit and chat with them because they are such a wonderful pair to talk to . This is aunt and uncle on my mothers side . I also saw my aunt and uncle on my dads side , and I haven 't seen them since last year . Dad : Money . He knows me so well . XD I got an Elgato Game Capture so I can start streaming when I get it . I 'll do easy stuff at first . . like Minecraft , just until I get used to things . Then I 'll hit the harder games . . like Dark Souls and Silent Hill 2 & 3 . Brother : Lego Star Wars . We were really struggling to find things for each other . So , when we visited Platekompaniet ( like Gamestop , I guess , but with more music ) , I found the game and was like * _ * I WAAAAANT ! and I gave him a CD . Mother : Money . What can I say . She knows me . And since hubby got so many knives this Christmas , we need a knife block . I 'm going to have a look for it on Monday before work . Kids : Just Dance 2016 . I was hoping for it , and they delivered . I 'll try it out tomorrow when hubby is at work . XD I haven 't been dancing for a long , long time , and I totally miss it and feel unhealthy because I haven 't . Hubby and kids : A necklace . Sadly , the style isn 't quite me , so I 'll exchange it for something I 'll wear everyday . . I hope I 'll find a bracelet . I told him that I hoped he wouldn 't be mad at me if I did that , and explained that I 'd rather have something I 'd love to wear than have something I 'll never wear at all . I think he saw my point . 🙂 And if he didn 't I 'll thank him for the lovely present after I 've exchanged it . I mean , I did thank him already , but I thought about it , and I concluded that it wasn 't me . Faith , hope and charity is a little too Christian for me . Grandmother : Nothing yet . Will get it when I visit my dad again in January . I think it 's money , but it could be something else . That 's about it . I can 't really think of anything else to … Oh , wait . I just thought about something . I went to the liquor store to get some Bacardi Strawberry Daiquiri for myself and the woman at the register asked for my ID . I showed to her and she said " oh , you 're well within the margin . " It 'll probably be a Skyrim one . I 've gotten a little farther on my PC one . I 've entered a new land I can 't remember the name of . . but it 's not a nice place . There are things everywhere trying to kill you . But she 's strong , and she can take it … and I have codes . So , I 've been playing Skyrim , like you do , and getting along pretty nicely with Dani . Having to do it all over again was good , I think . Yeah , it was a bitch , but never the less , I 'm actually enjoying it . I 've tried to do more or less the same thing , but it 's impossible . I did join the Companions and Farkas and Dani went to get the sword shard thing and on the way she healed him with her healing hands . And let 's just say . . Farkas is a fucking tease ! Upon healing him he says . " Hey , that feels good . " Oh , her poor fluttering heart . I 've also tried to get her Thane 'd in the same towns as before . So I got her to Falkreath and she was accosted by a female orc who called her a milk drinker . So what if Dani drinks milk ? She drinks other things , too . Anyway , Dani told her that she should be talking to her that way and the orc insulted her more . So she told her to stop and it didn 't go well . The orc drew her sword and Dani and Lydia went medieval on her ass . Fool . I have yet to fight more dragons at once , tho . Not from the lack of trying . I feel that if I 'm in a town when a dragon attacks there are more people to help bring it down . Make them all feel accomplished . Especially the guy who bitches about being on guard duty when his cousin is out fighting things . . right after he 's killed a dragon ! ! ! Can 't please some people . Speaking of dragons . Dani was out walking one day and suddenly a dragon and a giant spawned in front of her . The giant was momentarily inside the dragon before it jumped on its back and they flew away . And this was before she looted a bandit camp . Nothing exciting happened , really . But it was funny when , as she was looting , she turned around and Lydia had her mouth open , like " What the hell are you doing ? " I 've played it , and it 's so much faster on load screens than the ps3 . I 've also discovered mods . And I 've discovered that mods aren 't good for me . I upped the carry weight level , upped health , magicka and stamina … and went overboard with gold . I made a bobo … so I went in minus goldwise instead of positive . I could buy a house and stuff , but I couldn 't shop in normal stores and the cart guy wouldn 't take me . Luckily I hadn 't gotten far , so I started over again . Now I have a Daedric armour and sword and loads of gold . Hehehe . I won 't cheat more than this tho , I think . I did get all the shouts on the first one , but I won 't this time . The same with spells . I 'll just pick the ones I want … The only thing that really annoys me about PC is that in the heat of the moment , when I 'm frantically clicking my mouse , the screen will go out of Skyrim and go to desktop . I 'm sure I know how to fix it , tho . . I 've figured out that I can fix it now , without having to close the game , which is good . So , the terrible thing that happened … There are more things than one , actually , but I digress . I was going to play Skyrim yesterday , to continue my Dani adventure , and I saw that my new Snake person had DEVOURED DANI ! ! ! HER SAVE WAS GONE ! ! ! All her things . . all her achievements … gone . But whatever . She 'll marry Farkas anyway and all will be well . I got to level 4 with her last night . AND ! While Farkas and Dani were looking for the shard of the sword thingie , she got an amulet of Mara . SCORE ! It still sucks , tho . I wanted to prepare a little better for the shard finding , but Farkas was in a hurry . I wanted to get a familiar or a flame thingie . I COULD go back out . . I think I might . OH , and no strange things happened when she got to Riverwood . No dead elf in the middle of the street . However . . she did kind of kill a possible hired companion when she was brawling with a bard , to have him stay away from the lady in the market place in Whiterun . I have no idea how it happened . She was brawling , winning the fight , then suddenly this lady springs to her feet and starts attacking . I COULD have let her live , I suppose , but Lydia was having none of it . She killed her dead , man . Oops . But I did get a smashing nice armour out of it . Really nice . XD So yeah . . I guess I have to grind loads now to get her up to level 18 again , and then continue where I left off … If I remember what was going on . I know I have to go to Riften and be swayed by the guy with the accent . I 'm looking forward to that . At least now I know a little what 's going to happen . Oh well . The other terrible thing , which is more terrible than losing a save … My dad is ill . I don 't want to go too much into it because he doesn 't want it out there , so I 'll just leave it at . . he 's ill . . and he 's getting it taken care of . But it means that I have to go home to help him and stuff . And that 's fine . I 'm happy to do it . I 've already been at home once . It was a good trip . We cleaned most of the house , so that he doesn 't have to worry about that when he 's recuperating . I got a new winter jacket . It 's SO awesome ! I love it to bits . I am wondering if I want to get some new winter shoes , too . I have some , but they are really tall and cumbersome . If the winter shoes are awesome too , I can trade in my nike shox sneakers for the time being . = D