I woke up just before the alarm went off , so got up straight away , and jumped in the shower . I noticed that the spare room light was on - I hope Tom hadn 't left it on all night ! Tom jumped in after me , and I went downstairs to wake up Gordy , and make him tea ( not wanting to need the toilet half - way along the M25 , I didn 't have tea ) . Gordy wanted me to turn my living room PC off while he was sleeping , so I had to turn it back on before we left , so that it would record the TV that I 'd miss . Controversially , we left almost on time . Tom had a large hire car , so there was plenty of space . There wasn 't much traffic , although there was more than there should have been at half - five in the morning ! We arrived at Gatwick in good time . With plenty of time before his flight , Tom just dropped us off , and then went to fill the car with fuel , and return it to National Car Rental . We said goodbye , with Tom saying , " See you stateside " . During the journey , Gordy had said that we 'd have to pay for our beers with Delta . I wasn 't very impressed with this idea ! The queue looked long , and didn 't seem to be moving very fast . We couldn 't see a fast - bag - drop counter , so just joined the queue . After a few minutes , I left Gordy keeping our space in the queue , and went to ask somebody whether there was a quicker queue . He said that there was , and that I should follow him . We did this , only to find that he was mistaken , so we ended up joining the back of the same queue again ! This time , there was some pokey little kid who kept on kicking me . Another example of needing a clip around the ear . More annoyingly , its mother realised what it was doing , and just ignored it . Maybe it 's the mother who needed a clip round the ear ! We eventually got to the front of the queue . Gordy was amazed that my bag weighed half of his , but I 'll probably get half - way through the holiday , and realise that I 'd forgotten something . After sorting everything out , the woman said , " What seats did you have before " . I found the boarding cards that I 'd printed out last night , and she said , " We 've moved you . You 've been upgraded . " . We looked surprised , so she said , " Taylor and Dickson , isn 't it ? " . " We 'll be whoever you want us to be if we get upgraded ! " . When I 'd checked in last night , there was a message saying that the flight was " overbooked " , and that we could get compensation if we volunteered to catch a later flight . The compensation was for vouchers off a future flight , so we didn 't bother . In the end , I was glad we didn 't bother ! Especially if this was likely to mean free beer ! Gordy had completely missed the conversation about being upgraded , so thought that getting seats 1A and 1B meant that there was no business class . I hoped that I was right , and he was wrong . Even if I was wrong . seats 1A and 1B would have more leg room . Getting through security didn 't take long , but there were the usual idiots holding things up . As we got close to the front of the queue , Gordy told me that I needed to take the laptop out of the bag . Top man - I would have joined those annoying idiots if he hadn 't told me that . I haven 't travelled with a laptop for years , and one didn 't need to take the laptop out of the bag back then . Once we were airside , we checked the departure board , and it said " Go to gate 50 " next to our flight . Having read that , I just said , " Time for breakfast " . Gordy reluctantly agreed , but it took us a while to find somewhere to eat . We ended up in the Wetherspoon that Scary and I had started off our pub crawl two years ago . While we were waiting for breakfast , I quickly checked my e - mail . Nothing needed replying to urgently , so I left replying to them until I was on the plane . By the time we finished breakfast , the departure board had changed to saying " Final call " . Gordy had suggested topping up my phone at a cash machine ( my work mobile is a pre - pay one ) , so I went to do that , while Gordy went straight to the departure gate . I couldn 't find any options to top - up a mobile , so just went straight to the departure gate . There were announcements about our flight every minute as I was walking along , but I hadn 't been called by name , and Gordy hadn 't rung me , so I was sure that there was no hurry . I got to the departure gate , and was surprised to find that there was nobody queuing at all . After answering the usual questions , I got on the plane , and found Gordy sitting in the window seat in Business Class . Excellent ! As soon as I put my laptop bag down on the seat , some Air Hostess totty offered me champagne or orange juice . Since it was before 08 : 00 , I went for the OJ , and then sat down . We were still allowed to use mobiles , so I called Vodafone to try to top up my phone . It was like pulling teeth , but the woman I spoke to eventually managed it . I couldn 't believe that it could be that difficult to give a company money ! While waiting for the courier yesterday , I 'd checked that there was no barring on my phone for international calls , so that I wouldn 't have the same problems that I had in Kazakhstan . Once we 'd taken off , and the fasten seat belt signs had been switched off , Gordy started playing with buttons on the arm of the seat . I realised that there were about ten buttons that are used to reposition the seat ( including two master buttons - sleep and landing ) . It 's a good job that I saw him doing this , I would have spent ages trying to move the seat back . [ 19 / 3 / 08 15 : 14 EDT to be continued . . . . . . . . . . ] [ 23 / 3 / 08 11 : 18 EDT continued . . . . . ] The service in Business Elite class was pretty good . I think it 's the first time that I 'd flown anything apart from Cattle Class . It wasn 't Gordy 's first time ( ooh - err ) , and he reckoned that it wasn 't as good as he 'd experienced before . Sitting on the other side of the aisle from me was an Essex Girl wearing a tracksuit , and continuously showing her enormous pants when she bent over . It looks like Gordy and I weren 't the only two people to be upgraded from Cattle Class ! Every time I finished a bottle of water , a Trolley Dolly replaced it with a new one . During the flight , I ate , drank , updated my blog , replied to my work e - mails , and slept . I was impressed that it was possible to put the seat horizontal without annoying the person behind me . The air hostesses were pretty good - not even complaining when I asked for biscuits with my tea . There was a strong wind blowing us along , and we actually arrived an hour early . Just as we were about to get off the plane , Gordy said , " Alert ! " , and went back to collect his passport ! Being in seats 1A and 1B , we were the first people in the non - American queue line . Unfortunately , both of us had filled in the form wrongly , so he told us to stand to the side , and do it properly . I stood to the side , but Gordy joined the back of the queue again . Fortunately , the queue still wasn 't that long , so I joined him in the queue , and we were allowed to proceed to the immigration desk . We both walked forward at the same time , and the immigration bloke said , " Are you together ? " . Not wanting him to think we were gay , Gordy quickly said , " We 're travelling together , yes . " Having done fingerprint scanning in November , I didn 't expect to have any problems . I amazed myself with my stupidity - I put my finger on the bit of tissue paper next to the scanner , instead of on the scanner ! That was pretty stupid , even by my standards . By the time we 'd been allowed into America , all the people from Cattle Class had got off , and the queue was enormous . We then had to collect our bags ( thanks to Gordy for spotting mine ) , go through Customs , and then give our bags back to somebody to check through to Tampa . I 've never been somewhere where my bags haven 't been checked all the way through , but Gordy reckons it 's common . [ Update - I think I 've never experienced it before , because I don 't often fly on a domestic flight after I 've flown an international flight ] . With our flight arriving 4 hours early , I tried to persuade Gordy that we should get a taxi into New York , and go up the Statue of Liberty . When we saw how low the cloud was , we realised this would be a waste of time , so I suggested going to the New York Hooters instead . Gordy wasn 't up for this either , so we tried to get on an earlier flight . Gordy strode off , past the checkouts that I said we should use , towards another group of checkouts . After waiting in the queue for about five minutes , Gordy decided he wanted to go to the first group of checkouts , because there was no queue ! We walked back to those , and got to the front of the queue quite quickly . Ignoring me explaining that most of the checkouts were for bag - drop only , Gordy went to a bag - drop checkout , only to be told that he needed to go to another checkout . We went to the back of the queue again , and eventually got to talk to somebody who could help us . Instead of simply saying , " We 're booked on DA # # # # , but would like to travel on an earlier flight " , Gordy whittered on for ages , explaining where we 'd come from , why we 'd arrived early , and eventually asked whether we could travel on an earlier flight . Unfortunately , there wasn 't an earlier flight , so the woman told us the new departure gate , pointed us in one direction to the departure gate , and another direction towards the food and drink area . We went towards the food and drink area , and I asked , " Is it OK for us to go out to get some food ? " . The bloke corrected me , and said , " Surely you mean , ' come in ' ? " . Ignoring his earlier gimmering , Gordy just said , " Just leave all the talking to me " . We then had to go through security . Remembering that I had to take my laptop out of its bag , I did this , and put all my things on the conveyor belt . I walked through the scanner , and waited for my things to come out . The woman viewing the scanner said " Who has a laptop ? " . I told her that I did . " Is it in a bag ? " , she asked . " No , it 's out of the bag . " , I replied . " Did you put it on top of the bag ? " , she asked . Ooops ! After eventually getting through security , we went off in search of a bar . The bar we found looked exactly the same as the one in Newark Airport , and charged similar prices ( $ 8 per pint ) . I 'd forgotten to bring any dollars with me , so ran off to find a cash machine . I wasn 't impressed to find that it charged $ 1 . 75 commission , but had little choice . I went back to the bar , ordered the beers , and then sat down to check my e - mails , and wait for Gordy . I was impressed to find that my PC connected through my mobile phone without having to change any settings at all . For some reason , my Vodafone work phone wouldn 't let me call my voicemail , so I used my Orange personal phone , which I knew would let me make phone calls . Fortunately , my customers had been well behaved , and I only had three voicemail messages , and half - a - dozen e - mails . I really don 't know why my Vodafone work phone then let me call the customers that left messages , but wouldn 't let me call my voicemail . The airport was a bit pants , and the Prof took delight in telling me that he was in Hooters with Alex . I also got a text message from Andrea telling me that she keeps thinking of me whenever she sees signs to Now69 . Gordy wanted to leave the bar , because the intermittent music was beginning to annoy him . As we were walking out , some top totty ( who looked like Jess Griffin ) walked in . We found a spot to sit , and Gordy wasn 't impressed to find out that the intermittent music was playing in the whole area , not just the bar . He settled down to watch an episode of Scrubs on his iPod , as I updated my blog ( seeing somebody giggling away to something on an iPod really amused me ) . After a while , I decided it was time for another beer , so I went back to the bar . I was tempted to join the Jess Griffin totty , but she was drinking a strange - looking cocktail , so I decided against it . I finished my beer , and continued updating my blog . Once I 'd finished my beer , I went for a quick jimmy , and found a cash machine that didn 't seem to charge , until I read the small notice that said , " This ATM may charge a fee " , so I didn 't use that . I wish I 'd realised that the previous machine charged a fixed fee , and not a percentage . If I 'd realised this , I would have taken more than $ 20 out . When I dried my hands after using the toilet , I was scared to discover that the paper towels were dispensed automatically ! As we were walking to the departure gate , we heard an announcement saying that all Delta flights were delayed due to bad weather on the east coast . Fortunately , this didn 't seem to apply to our flight , and I hoped that it wouldn 't apply to Tom 's either . Gordy likes window seats , and I prefer aisle seats . We both had aisle seats on this flight , with me sitting two rows behind Gordy . Just as I was making myself comfortable , two women arrived , and started whinging that they weren 't sitting together . I realised that not sitting together wouldn 't stop them chatting away , so , in the interest of being able to sleep , I offered to change seats , so that they could sit together . I therefore joined a bloke and his kid on the row behind . I said that I wanted an aisle seat , but the bloke asked me to sit by the window , because his son was feeling ill . Not only did I have to sit by the window , but the bloke was a smoker . [ 23 / 3 / 08 12 : 20 EDT to be continued . . . . . ] [ 23 / 3 / 08 13 : 03 EDT continued . . . . . . ] Whenever I got out of my seat during the flight , the bloke sighed lots , and made a big deal out of it . Well , if he didn 't want to move , then he should have let me have the aisle seat . The fasten seat belts sign was lit for most of the flight , so I didn 't get to annoy him too much . Instead of doing this , I started talking to his kid , across him . Not being a big fan of children , this was quite unlike me , but it seemed to annoy the bloke ! I was going to suggest to Gordy that we swap seats , so that he could have a window seat , but he seemed too comfortable to disturb . Unlike the previous flight , we were in Cattle Class , and almost at the back of the plane . We had to wait ages for the gimmers in front to start moving , but we got there eventually . I got two text messages - one from Tom saying that he 'd be an hour late , and one from the Prof saying that he was on his way . We caught the shuttle to the main part of Tampa airport , and the Prof was there waiting for us . Tom still hadn 't left Philadelphia , so we went to the WingHouse for beer , wings , and perving . The totty serving us was very sexy and friendly , but there weren 't enough scantily clad waitresses for my liking . Not only that , but a bloke served our food to us . I looked at the bloke , and said , " You appear to be somewhat lacking in nice legs and big boobs " . Fortunately , he thought this was amusing . The Prof had thought we should move on to Hooters , to check out the competition , but we didn 't quite get there . Tom 's flight eventually took off at about half - nine . We went back to the airport , and propped up the TFI Fridays bar ( Tampa airport seemed a bit nicer than JFK ) . It was a good job we had our passports with us , because we had to prove that we were over 21 . Tom 's flight eventually arrived at about 00 : 40 , and his luggage arrived at about 01 : 20 . The Prof had woken up at 04 : 00 , and visited a customer , and still had an hour to drive until we got back to his gaff . Top marks to the Prof for collecting us all from the airport , when I 'm sure that he just wanted to go to bed . Gordy and I snored most of the way back to the Prof 's house , but Tom decided he should stay awake , since it had been him that we 'd had to wait ages for . We were supposed to be meeting Alex at about ten o ' clock to go shooting , but , despite some stupid old gimmer 's alarm clock going off at five o ' clock , we didn 't quite get up in time . I had a few voicemail messages and e - mails to reply to , but my customers were continuing to be well - behaved , and were avoiding contacting me while I was on holiday . If only I didn 't have to work while I was holiday at all . Yet again , my Vodafone phone didn 't work , but my Orange one did . What is wrong with Vodafone ? Not long after we woke up , Gordy wedged the toilet , so Prof had to go out to buy a plunger . Anyway , we ended up leaving at about midday , to get breakfast on the way . Alex was waiting , ready to leave , so we just picked up a MacDonald 's on the way . Gordy and Tom had strawberry milkshakes . Gordy asked whether he could pay a bit more for the meal , and have a milkshake instead of a Coke ® . The bloke said he could , but it turned out that the extra was simply the cost of the milkshake ! Anyway , Alex and Grant were waiting for us . I 'd met Alex when I visited Florida before , but had never met Grant before . He was supping a beer when we arrived , but soon finished it before driving to the shooting range . I had a bit of a headache , but hoped that the fresh air at the shooting range would sort me out . I wasn 't sure how much I 'd enjoy the shooting , and fully expected to be pants . The MacDonald 's Coke ® helped my headache a bit , but it soon disappeared once we were outside . We started off firing . 22 guns , and then tried a few larger ones . One of the larger guns had quite a back - kick to it , and the scope caught Gordy on the forehead when he fired it . A combination of ice , tissue paper , and a plaster stopped it bleeding . I decided not to try firing that gun ! Towards the end of the day , Gordy , Tom , and I had a " shoot - off " ( the Prof was sleeping in the car ) . Although I didn 't win , I was amazed how well I actually did . We finished off the day shooting shot - guns at bottles of water . This last bit was fun , but I found it a bit too scary to really enjoy it . [ 24 / 3 / 08 13 : 18 EDT continued ] There was a fair bit of traffic on the way back to Alex and Judy 's , and we were amazed to see a mobile home towing a Hummer as a " little " run - around . Before going to Alex and Judy 's house , we stopped of at a shop , so that Gordy could buy some butterfly stitches to mend his forehead . While Tom and I were waiting in the car , I got a text message from Gimmer telling me that it was going to be cold in England this weekend ( apparently snow was forecast , and it was going to be colder than it was at Christmas ) . The weather in Florida wasn 't as good as normal ( according to the Prof , it 's " unusual " ) , but at least it was better than in England . At Alex and Judy 's house , we were pleased to see that they had a " kegerator " , a pool table , a dart - board , and a small swimming pool . They also had two reetired greyhounds . Judy had made a lasagne , but had problems warming it up again , because the thermometer on the oven had reset itself when they lost power overnight . Once they 'd sorted out the thermometer , everything was OK . I don 't often eat lasagne , but it is one of my favourite meals , and Judy 's was no exception . At some point during the evening , I looked out of the front window , and saw some top totty walking past . I was even more pleased when she opened the front door , and walked in . Judy 's daughter was top totty ! After several more beers from the kegerator , it was time to call it a night , and head back to the Prof 's gaff . We got back to find that the hot tub had sprung a leak . Not wanting to be woken up at five o ' clock again , I made sure that I 'd turned off my alarm clock this morning . [ 24 / 3 / 08 15 : 24 EDT continued . . . . . ] First things first , we had to have breakfast . Gordy had mentioned that " grits " were really horrible , but Nick liked them . Tom and I didn 't expect to like them , but had to try them just once . They looked like porridge , but tasted horrible . I 'm glad we only ordered one portion between us . Gordy wanted to buy some jeans for Emma . Emma had given him the exact make and size of Levis jeans that she wanted , so he couldn 't go wrong . I didn 't want to buy clothes , but was considering buying an iPod Touch . I checked out the prices on Amazon . co . uk before leaving Prof . 's house , so I knew roughly how much I would pay in England , and also how much prices from www . play . com are . We went to a large electrical shop - there was plenty of tempting stuff to buy , but the iPod Touches were only about $ 20 cheaper than on www . amazon . co . uk . Adding on UK import duty meant that they were actually more expensive in America than they were in Britain . We then went to a shopping mall , so that Gordy could buy some jeans for Emma . I found the iPod Touch on sale in a few shops , but they were all more expensive than the first . I almost bought a light sabre , but managed to resist temptation . A mobile - phone cellphone salesman tried to sell me a phone with a good value contract . I wondered how much of his time I could waste , but I soon got bored , so went off in search of Tom and Gordy . I found Tom , but Gordy was still looking for jeans . There was one final shop that Tom wanted to look in , so I waited outside with the other old gimmers ! When we met up with Gordy , he wanted to check out this shop as well , so I just found a comfy seat , and perved at all the totty walking past . Gordy managed to buy himself some jeans , but couldn 't find any for Emma . He 'll be in trouble . We hadn 't spent much of the day doing things outside , so decided to make the most of the good weather buy sitting outside at Hooters . Gordy , Prof , and I got the good perving seats , leaving Tom looking at the car park . Tom did get one good perving opportunity in when two girls in bikinis arrived . They went into Hooters for a drink , but put on T - shirts before we got to perve properly . We had a few pitchers of beer , and some chicken wings ( hot and naked ) to keep us going . I tried talking to Gordy , but a Hooters girl was bending forward on the table next to us , and he was just sitting staring right down her top , unable to even listen to what anybody else was saying ! Don 't worry , we won 't tell Emma . After our outside adventure , we went back to Prof 's gaff . Once we 'd got settled , Prof and Gordy went off to collect Emma from Prof 's parents ' house , while Tom and I stayed behind , and put the world to rights . After a while , we heard a knock on the garage door . Prof had mentioned that his mate would be fixing the fridge , so when I opened the door , and saw somebody looking at the fridge , I introduced myself , and then left him to it . He did confuse me slightly by calling Prof " Bones " , but assumed it was a Star Trek reference . Prof , Gordy , and Emma arrived after a while . The Prof said that Eric was the mate who was fixing the fridge , and introduced me to Emma and Marell . Emma is a lovely little girl , and I amazed myself by coping very well with a young child , and even managing to catch a ball that she threw to me . Prof got the BBQ going , and we had some chicken breasts to go with the fairly strong gin & . tonics that Tom was making for himself and Gordy . After a few hours of playing with Emma , Prof took her back to his parents ' house , and Eric and Marell took us to the Sarasota Brewing Company . After all the riding around in Prof 's truck , it was a nice change to actually travel around in a car . We ordered the first beers on the menu ( Sarasota Gold ) , and chatted to Eric and Marell , while waiting for Prof to arrive . We didn 't wait too long , and he arrived , putting three Sarasota Brewing Company mugs on the table . Top man - we each had a Gordie 's Stag Do mug . I impressed Gordy by telling the waking Gordy up story . Prof 's sister and her boyfriend joined us for a while , so I had to tell the waking Gordy up story again . Oh how he loved me ! Tom and I had intended to have a pint of each of the six beers , but our plans changed somewhat when we realised that we 'd be drinking litres , and that all of the beers were 5 % or over . Tom and I finished off the evening on the 8 % beer , but Gordy had the Sarasota Gold . Eric and Marell were going to take us out on their boat tomorrow , so we bought their drinks for the evening . With Emma 's baby - seat in the truck , there wasn 't as much room as before , so Gordy and Tom travelled in the boot . The Prof hadn 't expected Gordy to stand up and start surfing as we were driving along ! [ 24 / 3 / 08 16 : 13 EDT to be continued . . . . . . . ] [ 24 / 3 / 08 22 : 16 GMT continued ] Back at Prof . 's gaff , I remembered seeing an interesting site in his recently entered URLs , and suggested that we look at www . bentovergirl . com . Prof looked surprised , and said , " How did you know about that ? " . I explained , and he explained that it was a website made by a friend 's daughter . We had a quick look , and then Gordy and Tom decided to look at www . crackstuffers . com ( a website that Gordy had found looking at gay magazines on Scary 's 30th birthday ) . [ Note - Gordy has asked me to make it clear that he doesn 't frequent these kind of sites . ] We were supposed to be meeting Eric and Marell at 9AM , but , as usual , we didn 't quite make it in time . Still , at least Gordy didn 't wedge the toilet this time ! After loading the cooler into the back of Prof 's truck , we set off . It didn 't take that long to get to the marina . Prof stopped close to the jetty , so that we could unload our stuff , gave us directions , told us the code , and then went off to park . We got to the first jetty , and I stopped , because I thought he 'd said the first jetty . Tom thought he 'd said the last jetty . Gordy didn 't have a clue . We therefore waited for Prof to come back . When he did , Gordy blamed our indecision on me - the cheek of it ! After getting some ice , we went through the gate to the first jetty , and found the boat . I managed to avoid having to do anything with the ropes , and we set off . Not long after we set off , Prof started on the beer , and Gordy went to sleep . It really wasn 't the nicest day to be out on the ocean , but it was a lot nicer than most days that we go diving in Britain . Prof had been pimping us out to scrub the bottom of the boat out , but we didn 't actually find anywhere calm enough to bother anchoring , so there was no bottom scrubbing to be done . While Gordy was asleep , two dolphins came alongside , and swam with us for a bit . I was sure that they would go by the time he woke up , and came up on deck , so decided to leave him sleeping . Marell had kindly made some wraps for lunch , which stopped the Prof drinking on an empty stomach . Unfortunately , when we got back to land , I didn 't manage to avoid any rope action , although Tom managed it quite well by going up top . We intended to go to Hooters and the Brewing Company later , so asked Eric and Marell along , so that we could buy them more beer . We went back to Prof 's gaff via his work , so that he could take some o - rings to fix his hot tub . There was a sign that said " Spare 's " , but I wasn 't sure whether I 'd be allowed to take pictures , so didn 't bother . We did a bit more shopping on the way to Prof 's parents ' place . Gordy still didn 't find any jeans for Emma , and I didn 't find anywhere to buy an iPod . I did however , find some young totty serving smoothies , so I got the first smoothy made by their new smoothy machine . Having been to Home Depot , the Prof collected us , and we went to collect Emma . Gordy had told us that there were some pictures of a young Prof , so we went inside . We were amused to see that he looked like Mark Vowles ! Back at Prof 's gaff , he fixed the hot tub . Once it was warm , we got in . Tom drinking G & T , Gordy drinking Jack & Coke ® , and me drinking tea . Before we went to Hooters , Prof dropped Emma back at his parents ' place . Marell had to work tomorrow , so she and Eric didn 't join us . Having missed out on yesterday 's drinking because he passed out before we even started , Alex was going to join us no matter what , so Alex , Judy , and Grant joined us at Hooters . Alex was fairly well cut already , but carried on drinking . Having not been out with us last night , they hadn 't heard the waking Gordy up story , so I had to tell it for a third time ! I also told the story about the totty salesbird coming onto me when Prof and I went to Key West . After having our fill of wings , and several pitchers , we left Hooters to go to the Sarasota Brewing Company . We 'd left our mugs there last night , so had to go back to collect them . Fortunately , I 'd got Tom to write down the numbers , so it should have been easy to ask for them . Unfortunately , we left Gordy in charge of ordering them , which ended up being really confusing . I wouldn 't have thought that saying three four - digit numbers would have been so confusing , but he managed it ! After the first round of beers , Gordy decided to stop drinking beer , and go back onto JD and Coke ® . Tom and I continued with the beers . I was really impressed by the automatic towel dispenser , so took a video of it when I went to the toilet restroom . It was a good job that nobody walked in while I was taking it . Talk about Billy No Mates ! Gordy started talking to some locals , who told him that all the terrorist problems were due to Britain giving passports to the Indians and Chinese that we used to rule as part of the British Empire . I 'm so glad that I didn 't get involved in the conversation . Gordy didn 't cope very well with their ignorance , and I think I would have coped even less well . We had another excellent evening . I remember Grant telling me that the Microsoft Zoom Zune is better than the iPod . Unfortunately , I can 't remember exactly why he said this , but I do remember that the things that he mentioned had been improved in the latest version of the iPod Touch . Back at home , Prof , Tom , and Gordy went to bed fairly quickly , so I went to floss and brush my teeth . When I got out of the bathroom , Gordy was nowhere to be seen . I woke up Tom , but he just said , " Don 't bother about him " , and went back to sleep . I looked around for Gordy ( including checking he hadn 't curled up with Prof ) , but couldn 't find him . I woke up Tom again , and made him stay awake while I went outside to find Gordy . I eventually found him sitting in the grass outside the front of the house , feeling rather ill . He assured me that he was OK , so I went back inside . Tom went straight back to sleep , but , being a nice lad , I stayed awake until Gordy had come back inside . Tom , Prof , and I woke up at a reasonable time , but Gordy carried on sleeping ( so that I could take my daily picture of him asleep on the sofa ) . After getting out of the shower , I put on a clean T - shirt , and realised that it was the one that I 'd worn when the woman had come onto me in Key West ! After cooking us breakfast , the Prof went off to spend time with Emma and his parents , and left Tom reading his book , Gordy sleeping all morning , and me drinking tea , and updating my blog . We were due at Alex and Judy 's at two o ' clock , and he got back at about half - one . We weren 't actually going to eat until four o ' clock , so had time to nip down to the beech beach quickly ( apparently , Alex and Judy never expect the Prof to arrive on time ) . On the way there , I got a text message from Emma - " Hello ! Hope you guys are still having fun . Can someone e - mail / text me steve 's address so i can send a wedding invite . Thanks - and give gord a big kiss from me ! " . I replied to her text message , but can 't remember exactly what I said . Her reply simply said " But whats the address ! " I spent the rest of the day trying to kiss Gordy , but , despite Emma 's lack of an apostrophe , I sent her Prof 's address . Unfortunately , it was impossible to find anywhere to park , but he did get to perve at a fair bit of totty in bikinis walking across the car park . Unable to find anywhere to park , we went to Alex and Judy 's house . We didn 't have Emma with us , because their German friends would be there , and the girls would want to play in the pool , and it was too cold for Emma . [ to be continued . . . . . ] [ continued . . . . . ] Yet again , Alex and Judy made us very welcome . Grant was also there , but Judy 's totty daughter was nowhere to be seen . Oh well , she did say she 'd arrive sometime during the day . Not long after we settled down by the pool , the Germans arrived ( " don 't mention the war " ) . The girls disappeared fairly quickly , and the parents joined us at the table . Not long afterwards , the girls reappeared , and jumped in the pool . Wow ! I had no idea how old the older one was , and I was sure that I shouldn 't be looking , but she had an enormous pair of breasts , and wasn 't wearing very much in the way of a bikini . Fortunately , I had my back to the pool , so didn 't feel too much of a perve ! Gordy and Tom started playing pool . I watched them for a bit , but decided not to get involved with anything that involved dexterity , so joined the others outside . Chatting to the father , we started talking about diving . Prof mentioned that there are lots of wrecks along England 's south coast ( " including lots from both world wars " ) . I said that the diving in Scapa was brilliant , but how was I going to explain what the diving is without mentioning the war ( the Prof mentioned it once , but I think he got away with it ! ) . Before dinner , Judy 's younger son brought out a really powerful spud gun that Alex and he had made . Alex had mentioned this to us yesterday - when they first tried it , it made a hole in the roof , and set a car alarm off ! We all stood a distance away as he fired it again - it was pretty impressive ! Then it was time for lunch ( with Judy 's totty daughter arriving , so I was happy ) . Judy 's oven was working fine today , and she had prepared yet another gorgeous lunch . The possible jailbait totty looked far younger once she 'd covered up , and both girls seemed very well behaved ( I 'm getting really worried my tolerance , I 'll have to find something to complain about ) . I 'm not sure where she got this idea from , but Judy seemed to think that I 'm good at darts , and reckoned that I should play Grant . I kept trying to persuade her that I 'm no good , but she didn 't believe me . Anyway , I was up for a giggle , so agreed . I realised that it would end in tears , when Grant got his own set of darts out ! Anyway , with Alex being my cheerleader ( no costume please ! ) , I didn 't lose as badly as I thought I would . The rules we played involved getting each number from 15 onwards ( plus the bull ) three times , with doubles and triples counting as they normally would . Prof had gone to collect Emma , which meant that I had to be a bit careful when playing darts - I didn 't want to hit her ! After Grant beat me , Alex joined in , and all three of us played . It got very very close towards the end , and , believe it , or not , I actually won . I decided playing another game would be a bad idea , so we went to join Tom and Gordy playing pool . Alex said " Did you see the rack on that 14 - year - old ? I felt like a right perve looking ! " . Well , at least I wasn 't the only one looking . Tom and Gordy had already quietly discussed how old she is , and they were sitting opposite me , so found it very difficult not to look ! Anyway , enough said about this the better ! Alex didn 't seem very impressed that I 'd won at darts . If I remember rightly , he said , " Grant . What 's happened ? We 've been beaten by a foreigner called ' No Mates ' ! " . Oh dear , there might have to be a rematch sometime . Towards the end of the afternoon , it was time to drop Emma off at Prof 's parents , and head back down to the beach for a few beers . It wasn 't that difficult to find a parking place , and there seemed to be lots of totty walking around not wearing much ! Sounds good to me . The first bar that we went into was quite noisy , but had a good view of the totty , and served scary looking cocktails . Tom and Gordy ordered the scary cocktails , but the Prof . and I stuck to beer . We then nipped across the road to the bar opposite , and the bouncers wouldn 't let us in until we 'd proved that we 're over 21 . Fortunately , we were all prepared , and were able to prove our age . Prof . and I were feeling a bit hungry , so we ordered some wings to go with the beers . There wasn 't as much totty in this bar , but we had an outside table , so could perve at the totty walking along the street sidewalk . Some top totty sat down on the table next to us , and was joined by two others . The third one to arrive spent longer kissing the first one than is natural - excellent ! I decided not to use TottyCam though ! We then went back to Prof 's truck , and drove further down the coast to another bar . Alex had obviously continued drinking at home , because he was hassling the Prof by text message all the time - I think the final text message said , " Tell No Mates . Sometime . Somewhere . There will be a rematch " . The totty barmaid had the shortest shorts I had seen in ages ( I think they were even shorter than those in Hooters ) , so I was happy . We ordered our beers , found a table , and then sat down . Unfortunately , the bar doesn 't serve food , so people were allowed to smoke inside . My only other complaint was that the power towel dispenser was a manual one , so I actually had to pull the towel myself . Just as we emptied our glasses , I felt somebody put their hands on my shoulders . I turned around , and saw that it was the barmaid , seeing whether we wanted more drinks . Seeing my surprise , she said , " Sorry , did I startle you " , as she started rubbing my shoulders , and pressing against my back . Was the pulling T - shirt working again ? Anyway , after a few more beers , it was time to head back to Prof 's gaff . Gordy wasn 't going to let us get him drunk , and he really wanted to wake up early tomorrow , so that he would sleep on the plane . He hadn 't been getting up early any other day , but he asked to borrow my phone , so that he could set the alarm . At least my work mobile was going to be useful for something ! [ to be continued . . . . . ] Tom and I woke up to find Gordy already awake , and ready to go out for a run . I really hope that this early morning run would help him sleep on the plane , because he said yesterday that he would keep me awake for the whole flight if he couldn 't sleep . I wouldn 't take this seriously from most people , but I remembered from one of our trips to Plymouth last year what an annoying tosser he can be when I want to sleep , and he wants attention . Yet again the Prof . had breakfast under control , and I made good use of his kettle . I wanted copies of all our pictures , so I powered up my laptop , and connected Gordy 's and Tom 's cameras to it . Unfortunately , being my boss 's old laptop , it had lots of photo organising software installed on it , which all started automatically when I plugged the cameras in . While these programs were hogging the PC 's processing power , I checked my e - mail . Although there wouldn 't be much to do on a bank holiday , the more I did today , the easier my first day back in the office would be . It took ages to copy all the pictures onto my laptop , but we didn 't have enough time to copy them onto Prof 's memory stick ( he didn 't know how to copy files between PCs using his router , and I didn 't want to mess about with his firewall ) . Gordy and Tom decided that they didn 't have space in their hand luggage for my mug , so I packed as many pants as I could inside the mug , and wrapped T - shirts around the outside . Hopefully it would make it back in one piece . Once he 'd got out of the shower , Gordy tried to find cheap alternatives to catching a train from Gatwick to Bath . He considered hiring a car , which seemed like a good idea . Since he could drop me off , I offered to give him the cost of my coach fare ( about £ 20 ) towards the car hire . I was amazed that he didn 't think this was cheaper than getting the train , but trusted his ability to get the price of hiring a car . Eventually , he gave up , and we left to drive to the airport . We picked up Emma on the way , because Prof was dropping her back off at Carolann 's house after dropping Gordy and me off at the airport . The weather was beginning to get much better , so Tom ( who was staying another few days ) was going to have an excellent time perving on the beach ! Gordy still hadn 't found any jeans for Emma , and I still hadn 't found a cheap iPod , so we stopped off at another shopping place on the way to the airport . While Tom and Gordy were looking for clothes , Prof left me in charge of Emma , while he went to the toilet . As soon as he went , she caught the attention of a woman who was walking past . I told Emma that this was good , but that she should talk to sexy totty next time ! I gave up finding an iPod fairly quickly , and went to buy a cuppa for the Prof and me ( I 'd noticed a Starbucks while Prof was parking ) . He asked for a Motta . I had no idea what one of these was , but he assured me that I wouldn 't get asked any technical questions ! I thought that Starbucks must be the kind of place to have contactless payment , but even this didn 't have it . Anyway , Prof was right - I didn 't get any technical questions . I walked back to where I 'd left him with Emma , but they weren 't there . After walking around with two cups for a while , I eventually found them back where I 'd left them ! Tom and Gordy turned up soon afterwards , and Gordy still hadn 't found any jeans for Emma . He is going to be in so much trouble ! We got into Prof 's truck , and continued our journey to the airport . I had wanted to go to Hooters , but it seemed that we didn 't have time , so the Prof dropped us off at the airport , and took Tom to see Carolann . We tried using the self check - in machines , but discovered that we were in the domestic area , so couldn 't do so ! The woman checking us in checked our backs all the way to Gatwick , and put fragile labels on them , because of the mugs we 'd got inside . Hopefully that would be OK . This was going to be the last plane journey for my trusty bag - I 'd decided it was time to throw it away , and buy a new one . It 'll be the end of an era . We found a table , and I left Gordy reading while I went to Starbucks to buy tea . [ To be continued . . . . . ] [ 04 / 11 / 08 18 : 49 GMT continued ] Unfortunately , the tea wasn 't up to scratch . Gordy refused to drink it , but I decided that it was better than nothing , so had both cups . Gordy wanted to e - mail Emma to see whether she 'll collect him from the airport , but , having not bought an iPod Touch , we were unable to use the " free " wi - fi . I could have used my laptop , but I was determined that I 'd find a PC that we could use , and eventually found one at the Hilton Hotel . I told Gordy , and off he went . While we were having a bite to eat having gone through security , I got a text message from Emma , saying " Hi billy - can you tell gord i have sent him and e . mail and if he wants to discuss lifts tomorrow he needs to give me a bell asap ! Thanks x " . Realising that I might get a lift too , I let him use my phone to call Emma . Unfortunately , all the phone call achieved was them realising that it was a bad idea . Oh well . We got our seats on the plane , and settled down for our short journey to Atlanta . As we arrived , Gordy was worried that we 'd never make our connecting flight , so we tried to get off the plane quickly , and dashed to the next flight . We made it with plenty of time . I wanted to pretend that we were on our honeymoon to get upgraded , but Gordy wasn 't happy with that idea ! I got a text message from Prof saying that " Hooters was good " . We got our seats on the plane , and settled down in time to see a woman with a carry - on bag the size of Cat 's tits try to squeeze it into the overhead bins . Wearing only shorts and T - shirt , Gordy wrapped himself up in a blanket , and tried to get to sleep . I found it difficult to get to sleep , but , after a bit of half - mile - high club action , I found it easier to sleep . We arrived OK , but there was an announcement that included our names , asking us to report to the front . Gordy went first , and I jokingly said , " Watch out for over - sized hand - luggage bird " . He didn 't hear me properly , so turned round and asked me to repeat myself , and promptly got knocked on the head by the over - sized hand - luggage ! After just avoiding injury , we reported to the front of the plane , and were told that our bags didn 't make the connecting flight in Atlanta . I was happy with this , because it meant that I could go straight to work without waiting for my bags , and get them delivered to work later . Gordy wasn 't so happy , because he hadn 't got any clothes in his carry - on luggage , was still only wearing shorts and T - shirt , and it was 05 : 30 ! What a pratt ! Having answered all the work calls and work e - mails while I was away , my day at work wasn 't too busy . My bag was delivered during the day , but it was far more damaged than when I 'd dropped it off . There was no way that I 'll be able to use it again , so I 'll be complaining about that , don 't you worry !