last will and testament Busted ! ! April 16 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment It had now been nearly month since my mom had passed away . For over a year now , my husband and I had been talking about leasing a new truck . My car payment was up in March 2017 and so my husband thought up this idea that he 'd take my car and we 'd lease a new truck for me to be used as a family car . He had scoped out the car , and so one night while I was out , I decided to go take it for a test drive . I had just left the dealership when I get a text from my mom 's neighbor telling me that Satan 's car was at my mom 's house and she was carrying out boxes and putting them in the back of her car . She told me she didn 't see my brother and so as soon as I got the text , I immediately started heading to the house . If it was justSatan in the house when I got there , there was going to be a huge fucking problem . The last time I spoke to my brother , when I confronted him about the emails I saw on my mom 's phone , he flat out told me that I should NOT be taking anything from the house until the will was settled . Now here was his wife carrying boxes out of my mom 's house . That 's a little fucked up for them to say . I was just about on the expressway when I got the text , and so I gunned it past the next four exits , heading to my mom 's house . I had been trying to catch them there for months now , but I was always too late . I called my husband up and was on the phone with him until I pulled up to the house . Finally , I saw their truck in the driveway . My husband told me to pull behind Satan to block her in because if she was indeed alone there , she was trespassing and stealing . I parked my car parallel to the street , blocking the driveway . I sat there in my car for a few second and tried to scope out the situation , but I couldn 't really see much , so I got out of my car and slowly walked up to the house . As I got up to the house , I see my brother walking by the big picture window in the living room . I walked up to the front door and try tI walked through the house which had random items scattered all over the place . As I talked to the dispatcher I decided it would probably be best if I just waited outside until the cops came . I didn 't want to scare my brothers 18 month old kid anymore . The sad part is , the kid didn 't seem the least bit upset or scared with all the yelling . It must be a normal occurrence in their home , and she 's been desensitized to it . I was outside for all of about two minutes when suddenly I hear the front door flying open . I look up and out comes Satan with the baby in her arms and she walks down the porch steps and says to me , " you need to move your car . " . As I watch her walk by , I turned and told her , " I 'm not moving shit ! You called the cops and now you 're going to wait until they get here . " . She huffed and puffed her way to the car and put the baby in her car seat . My brother followed a few seconds later . As my brother walked by I asked him why he went to a lawyer and lied about my mom having a will . He didn 't answer and so I asked again . Finally he turned around and said , " because you stole the will ! " . I told him , " no you fucking asshole , I never had the will . I had to get it from the lawyer and I have the letter and the envelope to prove it . " . That 's when he said one of the most fucked up accusations of all , that I forged a document . When the lawyer sent me both of my parents ' wills , he also sent a cover letter that said he sent the wills at my request , and he dated and signed the letter . My brother was accusing me of forging the letter ! If I was going to take my chances forging the letter , why wouldn 't I forge the entire will then and leave all the money to myself ? ! I never heard such stupid bullshit in my life but I was really fucking angry . My brother has known me my whole life and knows what kind of person I am . I don 't know who made up this psychotic version of me but I have my guesses . He walked back into the house briefly and came back out . In that time I had pulled up a photo oAs my brother is holding up his fist I was screaming , " go ahead , hit me ! Hit me ! " . I knew he wouldn 't . Suddenly without any notice Satan come out of the door and fully launches herself between me and my brother . My instincts kicked in and as she came towards me , with the back of my arms , I shoved her . I am not exaggerating when I say the very second my arm came into contact with her body , she flew back a second and started screaming , " She hit me ! I 'm pressing charges ! " . I swear over my son , she then took her hand and lifted up the ruffles on her shirt saying that I left marks while trying to scratch herself so there were visible marks ! She did it several times ! I watched her . I couldn 't even believe what I was seeing ! If nothing else in this blog has convinced you that this girl is a full fledged psychopath , this should ! Things escalated so quickly that I cannot remember every detail in its exact order , but I do remember at some point I asked them which one of them stole the pain killers . They both looked like two deers caught in the headlights . Neither of them denied it . They just told me I was crazy ( deflection ) . Had they not taken them they would 've probably said something like , " what pills ? " , or " where were there pain killers ? " . I also asked them the million dollar question , a question a have asked my brother SEVERAL times since my mom 's passing , " where were you when she was alive ? " . Neither of them ever answer that question when it 's posed , and sometimes it 's the lack of an answer that tells you everything you need to know . Things cooled down a bit after the screaming match on the front porch . My brother and Satan went back into the house and I stayed outside . I stood there smoking a cigarette , pacing up and down my mom 's walkway . I could see my brother and Satan standing in my mom 's living room just a few feet away from the large window . Satan is frantically going through her phone , dialing numbers and putting the phone up to her ear . My brother was just standing there Yes , this crazy bitch some how did some Austin Powers maneuver and managed to get her car which was parked , sandwiched behind behind my mom 's and mine , and she fucking drove across the lawn ! She then peeled out into the street and drove out of sight . God blessed us with snow that night so I could capture a nice photo of the tire tracks going across the lawn . By this point in time all of the neighbors are outside and they 're all just standing there completely dumbfounded , and then one says , " What the fuck was that all about ? " . I yell back across the street , " you got me ! " . She wasn 't even gone a minute and finally the police officer arrives . He opens his window and asks , what 's going on . I turned around and pointed to the tire tracks on my mom 's front lawn and said , " well for starters , that 's what 's going on . " . Some of the neighbors crept over and listened in as I explained the situation to the cop . As I 'm talking , I suddenly hear what sounds like a car skidding out . I look down to the end of the block and see Satan stopped on the middle of the road that crosses over my mom 's street . She throws the car in reverse and turns down the block with her tires screeching the whole way . She pulls over and her and my brother come out of the car all calm and collected like nothing has happened and they start explaining their side of the story , of course making themselves seem like the innocent victims . The cop was kind of an asshole and didn 't seem like he even wanted to be bothered with this situation . Satan was doing all of the talking , explaining how she talked to the " executors " , ( aunt Bea and Aunt Debbie ) and they said that they could take whatever the fuck the wanted , but all they were taking was my brother 's old Star Wars figures from the attic . I explained to the cop how they told me not to remove any items from the house and then they are there doing exactly that . I also explained how no executors had been appointed yet and so no one should be telling them to take anything . The cUncategorizedantisocial personality disorder , controlling spouse , controlling wife , deflection , dishonest people , dysfunctional family , estate , false accusations , family problems , hate my sister - in - law , last will and testament , lies , manipulate people , narcissist , narcissistic personalitydisorder , npd , personality disorders , psychopath , sociopath , wills Just like that , she was gone . Novemeber 20th 2016 the worst day of my life . March 30 , 2017March 30 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment The last few posts were very hard for me to write . Reading them back to myself , I can see how much I struggled . I am still grieving . As I wrote this it has barely been four months since my mom has passed . I am still in shock . I still won 't allow myself to fully go to that place where I get too deep because I am afraid of being so sad , and crying so much that I won 't be able to turn it off . From this point on in the story we are pretty much up to current times and everything I 've been dealing with since her passing , and so once I fully catch up to present days I 'm going to start talking about the grieving process and how I 'm dealing with that . First though , I must finish the story and tell you all what happened in the days and weeks following her death and how crazy that all was for me . If you read any of this story , thank you . It was the morning of November the 20th , 2016 when my mom passed away , at 8 : 04 in the morning . I was the only one with her besides the nurses , who were complete strangers to me . They both looked at me and expressed their sorrow . I rubbed my mom 's arm and it was still warm . I stared to cry and said , " goodbye mama . " . The other nurse turned to me and said that they would give me a few minutes alone . For a second I panicked as if I were a little kid , that they are leaving me alone with her now lifeless body , but then I realized , this isn 't the scary part . The scary part was what I witnessed for the past month . It was just her body and her spirit had left it . It was still my mom . I thought to myI realized my family would be on their way shortly and so I decided to step out of the room to start making phone calls . I didn 't want everyone just showing up without knowing , and so the first person I called was my brother . He told me he and his wife were heading up to the hospital and would be there shortly . He also said he 'd notify my aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea and I figured between them , they 'd notify everyone else . I went to walk back to the room and the door was closed so I knocked . They told me to wait a moment and that they were just cleaning her up . In the meantime the on - call doctor came to talk to me . He apologized for the loss and had me sign some papers . He also asked me if I wanted an autopsy in which I declined . I 'm actually sorry that I did . At times I question why things took such a drastic turn . Why my brother and his wife stayed away from the hospital for those few days before she died . By the time I was done discussing things with him , the nurses were done . I walked into the room to see they had closed my moms eyes , neatened up the sheets and folded her arms over her chest , simarlarly to how they do it in the funeral home . They also gathered all of her belongings and put them in bags and piled the bags on the table and chairs . She had accumulated a lot of stuff in her months long stay . As I was in there I could almost here her telling me to grab her phone and her iPad before my brother and his wife got it . I knew my mom was like me and she never deleted her text messages . My brother would 've been devastated had her read the text messages between me and her . I also knew she talked to a lot of people about what was going on and how much she hated his wife . I couldn 't do that to my mom . Even though she physically isn 't here , I felt like it was wrong . I walked downstairs to put them in my car and as I was on my way down my cousin Tina called me . Of all of my cousins her and I used to be the closest . Tina was Aunt Debbie 's daughter and she was an only child . I always felt bad that she didn 't have a sibling and so I sort of stepped into that role for her . We used to talk daily since the time she was a young teen . After my mom she was probably the next person in my family that I communicated with most , but six months before my mom passed she kind of just cut off communication with me , without any explanations . There was nothing that I could think of off the top of my head that I did that would cause her to just drop me like that . In the same token I also didn 't bother to find out what was wrong . I was too busy caring for my mom . I eventually found out it was because of the letter I wrote to her mom . I was shocked . She is well aware of who her mother is and how she operates . I 've never seen a mother and daughter at each other 's throats more than her and her mom . If my son ever spoke of me the way she spoke about her mom , I 'd be really upset . Besides , I don 't think she was presented I got home and walked in my front door . My son came running up to me yelling , " mommy ! " . My husband too . We all just say there and embraced one another and cried . We all sat down on the couch and I went over everything that had happened that day up until then . I told him I had to go to the funeral home and he agreed it was bullshit that they couldn 't wait . Neither of us could understand why they were so eager to get my mom 's wake over and done with and on with their lives . As I was home I received a phone call from the place that handled donations of the eyes . The woman who answered was very pleasant to deal with . She needed some basic and background information about my mom . I ended up being on the phone with her that by time I got off , it was time for me and my husband to leave to go to the funeral home . We pulled up and of course my brother and Satan were already there sitting in the lobby . I needed my husband there too . Satan is very quiet when he 's around . I think she 's a little intimidated by him . It was so uncomfortable with her being there . It was like having a ( demonic ) stranger in the room sucking up all of the good oxygen . The funeral director was a woman , different than the woman who came up to the hospital . The first part of this meeting was completely redundant . It was exactly what we had accomplished in the hospital . She asked us basic info about my mom and once again my brother was looking at me for the answers . My husband and Satan were quietly sitting in two chairs off to the side . Then me moved on to how many days we wanted the service . At the same time I said , " one " and my brother said " two " . I wasn 't really sure why he wanted to do two , but I just went a long with it . I was much too tired and upset to argue . Then she showed us the book of Mass cards and we picked ones that had assorted pictures of flowers . My mom loved flowers . We decided to have a priest even though my mom wasn 't really all that religious . She still believed in god and I think she would 've wanted himAs the funeral director was tallying the costs , my brother turns to me and says , " after here me and [ satan ] are heading over to [ a local Irish pub ] . We figured we would go there between the funeral services . " . I had went along with all their crazy bullshit up until this point but there was no way in hell I was agreeing with this . For the last two days Satan was going around telling my family members that we were going to go back to my mom 's house between the viewings . Whatever family member is was that told me that , thought it was incredibly ballsy for her to offer up my mom 's house . They also though it was a little strange . I also found it funny at she was able to lend her own home to a friend 's sister to have a 50th birthday party in , but she didn 't even offer it up for her husband 's family . Someone must of told them that was weird and so now they picked this Irish pub . I had to laugh when my brother said it , I replied to him by saying , " [ our mother 's Italian maiden name ] , we are Italian . There 's no way in hell we are going to [ local Irish pub ] . We will honor her by eating Italian food . " . I could see the smoke rising from Satan 's ears . I know she 's the one who picked that place . She is Irish through and through . St . Patrick 's day is her favorite holiday . I told him to go check out a local Italian restaurant to eat at . I wasn 't going to no pub so I could watch Satan get drunk . No thanks . After that it was time to go down to the show room of death , as I like to call it . . I was stunned the fist time I had been down there when we were making my dad 's funeral arrangements . It 's like a little store . The first room you walk into is all filled with urns and all these miscellaneous knick knacks and memorial items . You can really customize your wake . Then as you go through there , you enter a large showroom that 's filled with caskets that are all sitting there with their doors propped open . If there 's anything I learned from watching HBO 's six feet under , it 's that death is a bWe walked out of the funeral home and Satan , still reeling about my " we are Italian " comment , ran straight to their car and didn 't say goodbye to either me or my husband . My brother stayed behind and talked with is for a few minutes . He started spewing plans of what we should do in the following days . The next day , he and Satan were going to order the flowers and go to the Italian restaurant . Then he started to go into this bullshit about just opening up my mom 's house and having an estate sale so we didn 't have to be bothered going ﻿ through everything . I sat there and just looked at him dumbfounded and wondered , did he even know our mother ? She actually used to go to estate sales all of the time because she would sell stuff on eBay . She always used to tell me how sad she thought it was that the family didn 't want to be bothered looking through the deceased 's stuff . She asked me never to do that if she died . I never would anyway . I know my mom was very sentimental , as am I . I want to touch and see everything she held . I want to find little treasures like a letter she wrote or card that she saved . My brother and Satan seemed like they wanted to be in control of everything …… everything . ( To be continued in the next post ) Uncategorizedadult orphan , bad news , caring for a sick parent , dealing with death , dealing with the death of a parent , death , death of a parent , dying parent , dysfunctional family , empathy , funeral planning , greif , greiving , hospice , last will and testament , lawyers , lonlliness , losing a parent , losing your mother , my mother died , narcissist , sadness , saying goodbye , sibling rivalry , worst day of my life Novemeber 19th , 2016 11 : 30 pm and beyond … . The last talk . March 30 , 2017March 30 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment I was totally sure my brother would be gone by the time I came back . As mad as I had been with him , I still cared about him . I 've made this analogy before , but seeing someone you love in a relationship with a narcissist , is like losing a family member to drugs . All you can do is sit back and watch them make horrible decision after horrible decision , and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it . I know my brother , or rather , I " knew " my brother and what kind of person he was . If it was any other girlfriend , I don 't think my brother would 've left the hospital at all that night . He was gone for four hours . He was well aware of what was going on with my mom and where she was headed . If I were in his shoes , seeing that he had missed the majority of the last three years with her , I would 've wanted to stay there and soak up every minute of time with her . That goes to show how much control a narcissist has over their victims and how afraid their victims are to go against them . My brother had a choice that night . He could 've told his wife to entertain her friends on her own and he could 've chosen to stay at the hospital . I know my brother and I know that one day he is going to be very sorry about the choices he made during this time . I wonder if he spoke to my mom during that time . If he told her he was sorry or told her he loved her . It makes me sad for him that one day he may see things clearly , but ultimately they are his choices and he is the one who will have to live with themI went back into mom 's room and sat there for a bit . I had probably only slept a total of four hours in the last two nights . It was starting to catch up with me . Kathy came back in and we sat there and talked for a while . I am not going to lie . My mom looked scary . She had her head turned to the side , one eye was wide open while the other was half way shut . Ten years ago I never would 've imagined myself being able to sit there alone with someone I loved in such horrible condition and looking so scary . It 's an image that I don 't want to remember , but any time I think back to her time at the hospital , that is all I see in my head . I hope in time that vision fades . I do not want to remember my mother like that . It was rounding 4 : 00am and I had set myself up as close to my mom as I could physically be . I wanted to be able to hold her hand and touch her . When my dad was in the hospital my mom slept in that chair every night and held his hand . My mom was the most fiercely loyal woman on theplanet . Her love was truly unconditional . I hated that she had to be in a hospital dying . I wished she could 've had the privilege to be home on hospice as my dad was , but unfortunately it didn 't work out that way . My dad was in the hospital a week or so prior to his death . He made the decision to stop all treatment and go on hospice at home . He didn 't want to die in a hospital . My dad accepted his situation and in a strange way , his death gave me a whole new respect for him . He handled it all like a true man , like a father should . He sat all of us down one by one and talked to us about his decision . I will never forget that conversation . He told me he was going to stop treatment because he didn 't want to go through all the bullshit anymore . I told him , " dad although I don 't want to see you go , I understand . It 's YOUR life and I can see that you are tired of fighting . " . Back when my mom 's kidneys failed in the early 90 's , I remember being in the car with my dad one time on the way up to visit my mom in the Anyway , I got off track there but my mom literally stuck right by his side as he was going through the transition of leaving this world and going to another . In the last few days of his life , either me or her were in the room . She hadn 't showered in days . She would only leave the room to get food or go to the bathroom . We were sitting there talking one day and my mom was saying how disgusting she felt and how badly she needed a nice hot shower . I told her to go and that my dad would be fine for a few minutes . We called my brother , who was living in the basement , to come upstairs and stay by his side . My mom turned on the water . At the time I was going through some old pictures of my dad so we could display him at his wake and I had all the albums and stuff laying on my mom 's bed . I left the room that he was in and went into their bedroom . The very second after I closed the door I heard my brother screaming , " he 's gone ! He 's gone ! " . It was the first time in three to four days that both me and my mom were both out of the room , at the same time . I truly believe he was waiting for a moment like that because he didn 't want us to see him take his last breath . I felt like my mom deserved the same thing . She deserved to leave this world with someone by her side , especially since she was so scared and not ready to die . She never made it to the acceptance stage . She didn 't have enough time . I don 't even remember falling asleep that night . The last thing I remember was saying goodnight to my mom and kissing her of the forehead , then laying down and watching a video on my phone . At about 7 : 30 am I woke up to the sounds of beeping machines and Kathy and another nurse , talking in a dull whisper . I popped my head up and asked what was going on . She told me my mom 's heart rate went up extremely high and she was trying to calm her down . I was trying so hard to stay awake , but it felt almost as if someone was pulling my eye lids down . The previous night when the nurses were in and out of the room I 'd pop up a … . and just like that , at 8 : 04 in the morning on November 20th , 2016 , my mom passed away …… . Uncategorizedbad news , caring for a sick parent , death , death of a parent , dying parent , dysfunctional family , empathy , greif , hospice , last will and testament , lawyers , lonlliness , losing a parent , losing your mother , narcissist , sadness , saying goodbye , sibling rivalry , worst day of my life November 19th 2016 ( early morning and day ) March 30 , 2017March 30 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment I had left the hospital and ran to my house to grab some of my stuff so I could sleep there . They had this baby blue , fake leather , recliner chair in my moms room and that was going to be my bed for the night . Aunt Debbie decided she wasn 't going to stay . Instead she was going to go home and sleep and come back early in the morning . It was super late . The nurse set me up with a blanket and pillow and I tried to get settled in , but I just couldn 't fall asleep . I was too nervous . I was just sitting there watching my mom 's chest go up and down as she breathed . She looked very peaceful and if there was anything to be happy about , that was it . I hadn 't seen her completely calm and peaceful in such a long time . Ever since she had her surgery to remove the 8 ″ cancerous mass and her kidney , back In February of 2016 , it 's like a piece of her soul was left on that operating table . She just wasn 't the same . She seemed detached sometimes and like she was distracted by her own thoughts , or in her own world . Our conversations went from gossiping about who posted what on Facebook , to what new aches and pains or new symptoms she was feeling , which doctors she had to see next , and what prescriptions she needed to refill . I missed the regular bullshit conversations we used to have and I knew at this point we 'd never have them again . Before she left that night , my cousin Nikki gave me some advice . She told me that she read somewhere that the hearing was the last thing to go and so she told me talk to her and say the things I needed to say to her . I wanted to say things to her but I wanted to do it at a time where she was sort She replied , " if you think I would do anything against you you 're out out of you 're miimh [ sic ] . " I didn 't think my mom would do anything to hurt me , but I knew she was holding back information from me . There were a few things said to me here and there that didn 't make full sense and I was able to tell there was more to it than what she was telling me . I know why she did it and I cannot even be mad . There were a few reasons , one being that she had to make peace with her son , so she can have her own peace , to absolve her of all the guilt she was made to feel because she stood up for herself . A lot of that guilt came from Aunt Bea . She made my mom feel like she was a terrible mother for putting her foot down and demanding respect . Although , she was in denial about her own situation and what my brother was doing , I think deep down inside she knew what was going on and I think she just wanted peace of mind . The other reason was that she didn 't want me to be alone . She knew how badly her death was going to effect me . About a week before she died I was up in her room visiting and out of nowhere she said to me , " [ my nickname ] I 'm sorry . " . I asked her why she was sorry and she told me , " I 'm sorry because I feel bad that this is what your life has become . " . I told her , " don 't be sorry for me , I 'm fine . Feel sorry for yourself , you are the one who 's going through the hard stuff , not me . " I had to explain to her that there was a difference between " wanting " to be there and " having " to be there . I wanted to be there . My husband and I were out in the parking garage and the more we talked the more angry we were getting . With everything else that was going on we thought maybe they were going to try to get my incapacitated mother to sign something . Maybe she had already signed something and they were just reviewing it . My husband was vexed and said he would go right up to her and ask him to show him what was in her bag . As badly as I wanted to grab her pocketbook like a mugger in Central Park ; it was probably best if I let him handle this one , this time . We made our way back up stairs and by the time we got up there the nurses had informed them that the private room was ready for us . My brother and Satan were moving all of her belongings out of the room and transferring them over to the other room . My husband and I entered the empty room where they were and we just sort of stood there quietly . I kind of blocked the doorway and my husband , holding my son , walked a little further in the room . Neither my brother or her made a peep . I watched them carelessly pile my mom 's belongings on the radiator . I looked over at my husband and I could see his mouth opening like he was going to say something but the words wouldn 't come out . Instead I just gestured to him to leave the room and we went back in to my mom 's room . He gave my mom one last kiss on the head and told her he loved her . He then held my son over her to give her a kiss . She didn 't even respond . Seeing my son say goodbye and knowing it was the last time he 'd ever see her ; well it was the most gut wrenching thing I had ever seen . I will have that vision , along with many others , burned into my memory forever . My husband left and by that time almost all of my family was up there . They took over the waiting room once again . They even brought some wine which I totally thought was wrong , but whatever , to each their own . It was nearing 3 : 00pm and my brother told me that the woman from the funeral home was running a little late and would be there in a little while . I was alreAt the end she was about to give us an estimate for the two days of wake service and cremation costs . As she was adding everything up , people started to shuffle p out of the room , leaving just me and my brother there alone . A few seconds after everyone leaves the room , my uncle bob opens the door and comes walking in with his chest puffed out like she 's some type of tuff guy . He didn 't even look at me . Instead he walks right over to my brother , sits down in the seat right next to him and pats him on the back as if to console him . He didn 't look at me at all during the whole rest of the meeting . I fucking hate that asshole . He made it very clear to me that day by doing that . He had chosen a side and clearly , it wasn 't mine . It was really nice that my mom had her own room . We could all sit in there and not have to worry about disturbing anyone else . There was a very somber tone in the room . I wonder to this day if my mom was at all conscious while everyone was there and if she heard everyone 's voices and knew we were all there . I do not remember if she even opened her eyes , while everyone was there . The more she slept , the closer I knew she was to leaving us . I realized that night that my mom was the unique one out of her whole family . When you come from a large family where the siblings ' ages span over a decade , their tends to be little cliques in within the family unit . The older siblings tend to be closer with one another and the youngest seem to stick together too . My mom was closest with Aunt Debbie and Aunt Bea but kept a special relationship with each and every one of her siblings and each and everyone of them valued that and valued her and the things she for them . She made everyone feel special in their own way . She always made sure to periodically call all of them to see how they were . I don 't think the rest of them call each other as much as my mom called all of them . I know she 's my mom and people are not going to talk negatively about her , but I have heard each one of them talk about othMy heart really broke for my grandmother . She didn 't leave my moms side for the entire two days . She just sat there staring at her , saying , " that 's my baby . " . . I really feel like she got lost in all of this . I 'm not saying my aunts and uncle 's don 't care about her . They all do a great deal , but I think sometimes they just write her off as this old lady who can 't hear that good and they 're so wrapped up in their own god damned feelings about things , that no one really sat with her and comforted her or discussed how she felt about everything . I made it a point to sit down next to her ( as did my cousin Nikki ) and really ask her how she was feeling about everything and how she was holding up . . I couldn 't imagine what was going through her head having just found out how really sick my mom was . I sat down next to her and just held her hand . Here it was three generations of women and one who going well before her time . It was around 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 in the evening when my brother stood up and announced he was going to go home for a little bit but he 'd be back . Had he left it at that , I wouldn 't have thought much of it but he goes on to tell whoever else was in the room at the time that he has a party going on at his house ! Apparently his wife had offered their house up for a friend 's , sister 's 50th birthday party . He goes on to make this lame excuse that they couldn 't cancel it because they didn 't have any way of getting in touch with all of the people . He then buried himself by saying they were all invited via Facebook . Maybe it 's just me but I found it kind of ridiculous that he 'd even entertain a party while his mom was in the hospital dying , and if these people were " friends " , you 'd think they 'd understand what was going on and move their party elsewhere . It wasn 't until about 11 : 00pm that he ended up coming back . By that time my family started leaving . I had to go home too , to grab clothes for another long night …… Uncategorizedbad news , caring for a sick parent , dying parent , dysfunctional family , empathy , hospice , last will and testament , lawyers , narcissist , sibling rivalry , wills Novemeber 18 , 2016 the beginning of the end … . ( part b ) March 30 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment My brother got up to the hospital shortly after talking to him . We paged the doctor and he was there within minutes ( which is highly unusual ) . He explained the same things he had told me , to my brother , and thankfully my brother agreed with my " choice . " It wasn 't really much of a choice though . It was really the only option we had . He explained to us that it could be hours or days until she actually passed . About a week prior to this there was a woman in my mom 's room who was clearly at the end of her life . She was older than my mom by many years and I could tell she was in her last days . She was sleeping non - stop and when the nurses would come in , she would start screaming at them , telling them to leave her alone and to not touch her anymore . This anger and agitation is a very common part of the process . Anyway , this poor woman had no visitors for days until her sons finally showed up . They moved her into a private room where she passed away peacefully . I asked the doctor if it was possible we could do the same for my mom and he told me he 'd try his best to get us that room . Although I saw this coming from a mile away , I was still in complete shock . There were no questions anymore . No hope . My mother and best friend was going to die . People say it 's " easier " sometimes when you know before hand . They say you can prepare yourself . In a wa yes , but in reality , nothing can ever prepare you for losing someone . In a way it 's almost harder because while you know it 's going to happen , you don 't know when and so you are stuck in a constant t state of anxiety . I knew this was coming since the day I heard she had a rare and aggressive form of cancer . I read many articles about cancer in immunocompromised patients and what the survivWhen the doctor walked away my brother asked me if we could talk privately . I really didn 't have much to say to him but I agreed . We walked down the hall and he turns to me and says , " tell me what you think , me and [ Satan ] were thinking of calling someone from the funeral home to come down here tomorrow so we can start making arrangements . " . I just looked at him for a moment , in complete shock and then I asked , " Why ? " and reminded him , " She 's still here . " . He tried to sell me the idea by telling me that he wanted her to get into this specific funeral home because my dad 's wake was there and the holidays were coming up . I hated having to argue but I thought it was a TERRIBLE idea and completely unnecessary . Why waste an hour talking to some funeral director when we can spend that hour with her ? Besides , there was absolutely no need to pre - plan her funeral . Had she died in a car accident or something we would 've had to go after the accident and plan it . If we couldn 't get her in the same funeral home , oh well . There 's 100 others around . I didn 't want to get into it but I told him I didn 't think it was necessary and he seemed rather annoyed that I didn 't agree with him . I explained that I didn 't believe it was going to save us any time afterwards . We would still have to go there and pick out Mass cards and a casket , etc . They couldn 't bring their showroom to the hospital . I told him I didn 't want to argue and I didn 't think it was a good idea and and I just walked away . I really don 't know what all of this stupid bullshit was about . It was all a show , for him and his wife , to make it seem like they were being helpful and actually gave a shit about my mom . To me however , it was insulting . Where was he when she had her surgery and went home barely able to walk ? Where was he when she fell at 11 : 30 at night and needed an ambulance ? Where was he when she was up for three days straight because she was in so much pain ? Where was she when she was at the emergency room in horrible painI went into my moms room and some family members were starting to leave . I had to run back to my house which was only a short four miles away and get some comfortable clothes to wear and my contact lens case . I sat down on the foot of my mom 's bed . My Aunt Bea was seated on the other side . People were walking in and out of the room for the entire day and I felt bad for the elderly woman who shared a room with my mom . It 's hard enough to sleep in the hospital as it is . I mean you really don 't sleep . There 's always nurses coming in to take your vitals or people screaming , announcements over the loudspeaker , carts rolling down the hallway , nurses talking really loud , janitorial staff cleaning , other patients yelling , etc . I expressed my concern for the old woman . I said I felt bad that there was so much activity going in and out and that she was probably tired and wanted to get some rest . Aunt Bea heard me and I thought she 'd also try to empathize and say " what if that was my mother ? " . No , instead she waves her hand and says , " Oh fuck her ! ! " and then proceeds to stick her middle finger up towards the curtain that divided the room in half . I know this sounds silly and isn 't really a big deal , but when she did that , it really bothered me and really made me think . Small moments like that could really show you a person 's true character . Over the last few months of my mom 's life I really started to see everyone 's character much more clearly than I ever did before , my Aunt Bea especially . If you didn 't know her the way I do , you 'd be shocked by her doing that . Aunt Bea is always the first one to send you a birthday card or call you to wish you a happy birthday . She will compliment you and praise you and make you feel special but behind your back she will mother fuck you , to no end . I started to see who she really was long before this day and believe it or not , Facebook is what exposed her . I just started to notice how incredibly fake she was . She 's an ass kisser . She 's a phony and she ' sAunt Bea made my mom feel like shit . She gave my mom her kidney , and then I guess to her , that meant that she had the right to treat my mom less than human . I believe a lot of it was out of jealousy . My mom had a lot of traits and ways about her that I believe my Aunt wanted . My mom was smart , intelligent , and well read . She was independent and did everything for herself . She didn 't depend on my dad to do it for her . She was a dedicated worker and was recognized for it . She was an amazing mother , who until three years ago , had really good relationships with both my brother and myself . Aunt Bea possessed none of those skills . She would always say things to me like " oh , well your mother is so smart , she reads all those books and she can figure anything out … she 's good like that . I have hardly read any books . " . It goes to show how stupid she really is because reading books didn 't make my mom smarter than her . My mom was smarter because she took interest in things other than herself . If she didn 't know how to do something , she 'd try to figure out another way . She listened to other people speak and absorbed information , and yes , she read books too . That 's what made her smarter . Reading a book didn 't make her any smarter . I am an empath by nature . A lot of my crying that day was because I was feeling the pain of everyone around me . I would look at my grandmother and think , " Wow . She is 90 years old . She lived through so much . " . Born in the mid 1920 's , she has seen everything from the Great Depression to the Vietnam war , to the gulf war , to Iraq and 9 / 11 . She watched people much younger than her by many years , die off one by one . My grandfather and all four of his siblings have passed on and she outlived all of them and now here she is , at 90 years old and she is losing her baby . Her and my mom had a very special bond and I think it 's because of all of the siblings , my mom took on the most of her traits . It hurt me to know that . It doesn 't matter how old you are or your child is , you should Uncategorizedbad news , caring for a sick parent , dying parent , dysfunctional family , empathy , hospice , last will and testament , lawyers , narcissist , sibling rivalry , wills I didn 't know we were there yet ( part b ) March 27 , 2017March 27 , 2017BahbahBlackSheepLeave a comment My mind was reeling from the information I had just found out . I had to walk into my mom 's room and act as if the attending physician didn 't just recommend that my mom go on hospice . So much was happening at once . The physical therapist came in and discussed getting my mom up and out of bed , but as he was talking the lawyer had come walking in . It was overwhelming , but in a sense the distraction was needed . I wanted so badly to call my husband and let him know what was going on , but I couldn 't . The lawyer introduced himself . I asked my mom if she wanted me to leave the room . She looked at the lawyer as if he was going to advise me . I told her I had absolutely no problem leaving . In fact , at that point , I wanted to leave . I had already heard enough horrible news . The day after my mom told me she didn 't think I was going to be able to handle selling her estate and such , I knew that my brother and Satan had gotten to her . I text her the next morning and asked her who put that in her head ? She told me she just thought it was going to be hard and too involved for me , and if I needed to get help going to the town , because my parents didn 't have permits for some of the structures on the house and property , that I 'd have to be able to get along with my brother , and ask him for help . That answer told me everything I needed to know . I knew my brother went in there like he was on a job interview , or something , and sold himself to her as the better candidate for the job . My brother had worked in the title insurance business for almost a decade and therefore was more " qualified " than me . I knew they put these things into her head . I reminded my mom that not only had I taken real estate classes but my husband and I also have been through the process of purchasing a home , and of course , he 'd be there to help me , as well . I am not going to lie , it hurt that my mom had doubted me , but I had to just let it go and accept that ultimately it was HER choice , ( To be continued in my next post ) Uncategorizedcaring for a sick parent , hospice , last will and testament , lawyers , narcissist , power of attorney , sibling rivalry , wills Search for :