I watched Disney's new live-action Mulan and I just want to get out of the way of the fact that I watched it like the weekend that it came out, like the day it came out. So like well before, I mean okay, perhaps there were already some articles out about reasons to boycott it, reasons to not support it, reasons to not pay for it, et cetera, but I didn't see any of that until after. So yeah, it is what it is. I'm doing this review. I don't think it's a good movie and I don't think it's worth paying for regardless of any other like moral, political, or any other reasons you might have for avoiding it. I mean boycotting it makes it sound like a thing that you would want to do and you are choosing not to. You shouldn't want to is basically what I'm saying. So I guess you can take away from this video if you were feeling like you were missing out but you were really going to like take one for the team because of the reasons people have for boycotting it. Don't be too broken up about it. You're not missing out. I anticipate this being a very long video. I watched the movie twice. This is the first time I watched it. I was just like watching it with my parents like the day it came out and we spent the whole time we were watching it being horrified and also laughing but like laughing at how bad it was and our own jokes at its expense. So when I decided that I wanted to review it, I knew I had to watch it again because there was like as the week went on there was just a lot of things about it that just started melding into the vague haze of I hated it. So I wanted to there was things that I remembered specifically like parts of it that I didn't like but I remember like all the specific reasons why it didn't work just that it didn't. So I rewatched it last night. It's fresh in my brain and I took notes while I was watching it which is like this is more than I've really ever prepared for a video before. I took notes while I was watching it. Basically took notes for every scene because there was something wrong with every scene and this morning I combed through my pages and pages of notes and arrived at the I started to see like a pattern a theme for certain things that I was having problems with over and over and over again. So I began to group them into themes and topics that were anyway I think that makes sense I don't need to explain that. So yeah instead of going scene by scene chronologically through the whole movie because I could do that just basically start to finish be like scene one all the things wrong with it scene two all the things wrong with it but I feel like that would be longer and I just like it better to group it in themes because I feel like I'm going to go off on tangents if I do it the other way anyway also going to all the trouble and work of creating my list so doing the list thing because I have a list I think all the housekeeping is out of the way I'm not here to talk about reasons to boycott it I'm not here to talk about any of the political larger than the movie like real world things it's not this videos for this is just a movie review well on let's do it so first I'm going to go over the things that I liked and it's really short so we're just going to do this first and then we can read out that so things I liked about it the costumes the costumes are very cool they're really nice they had rich jewel tones in the cloth there was you could tell there was a lot of detail in like embroidery and like the the armor they were wearing you could tell there was like a lot of detail and thought put behind it so it was they were really nice to look at and everybody looked good in them same goes for the set design and all the landscapes I don't think you call it that design if it's a landscape but I mean all the shots of like mountains and forests and fields and the imperial city and inside the castle no it's another palace palace right okay anyway all of the set designs and all of the locations were beautiful in general the movie was beautiful the costumes the actors in them the sets the places the locations it was a gorgeous film to look at like if you turned off your brain and turned off the sound and and just looked at it it'd be a pretty postcard like the whole movie is a feast for the onyx not enough to make me like it but it was very pretty so people who were in charge of those things did a good job and cricket cricket is also on my list of things I hated but the actor who played cricket who is not a cricket in the animated one there is an actual cricket and he doesn't talk like Germany cricket but he's you know sort of anthropomorphized and he's a character who's the lucky cricket and he's lucky because in Milan's grandma thinks he's lucky and gives him to Milan to take with her so since they didn't have any animal characters any anything like that in this version what they had was this character named cricket and it was unclear to me if his name is cricket or if his nickname is cricket he just kind of introduces himself as cricket and tells us like the very first thing he does is tells us that he's cricket and that his grandma thinks he's lucky or something like that and I was just like oh this is still on the stuff I liked list but just the actor who played cricket like if anyone else had played it I would have thrown something but the actor who played it was just so like a squishable ball of adorableness he was like a human Olaf and I just kind of wanted to give him a big hug so when he said that he's lucky I was just kind of like oh I hate this I hate that someone wrote this but oh yeah you're cute yeah that does it for things that I liked so on to things that I hated or made no sense and I have did I really I do I have 10 things and I mean within each thing there are things but I have like 10 groupings of things so I didn't actually plan like specifically to have 10 I just had 10 so it's meant to be number one character motivations don't make sense or inconsistent and this version of one is different from the live-action one in not a lot of ways but in a few key ways one of those ways is the the villains are different so instead of it being just the Huns led by Shanyu who is intending to just take over more land like he wants to expand his power that's not the villain situation in the live-action one the live-action one you basically have two villains that are working together for the most part until they're not this wasn't already clear like major spoilers for the whole movie so just FYI so Bory Khan was the leader of the Roran army and then working alongside him as his henchmen you remember that hawk that Shanyu has that's like on his shoulder and like sometimes like scouts around well that hawk sort of how like Nagini we're talking about Harry Potter now another taboo subject but you know how Nagini was like actually a witch lady well the hawk is actually literally a witch lady and she is Bory Khan's like henchmen she's a witch that walks around in talks and and I have a whole section devoted I kind of have a whole section so yeah she can turn into a bird she can turn into many birds she can like possess people's bodies she can like wield her sleeves as weapons her hands turn into talons even when she's not a bird she's a witch lady and I I'm not aware that she has a name if she did have a name like it went past me so I think most of the time people just kind of scream which when she's around so she's the witch lady anyway so the motivations of the characters in this movie don't make sense so it's very clear in the animated one that Shanyu wants to just take over more area more land expand his power and that's clear and like he views the Great Wall of China as like a personal challenge like they built the wall as Shanyu was like challenge accepted I'm pretty sure in the movie at some point he says that by building the wall the emperor was inviting him so it's it's not complex it's very straightforward and it's very very believable villain motivation because like throughout history people have invaded places because they want more territory so in this movie Bory Khan who is the leader of the Rohron army it's it's told to us through other characters mentioning it as well as Bory Khan telling us this that the emperor sometime before the movie started killed Bory Khan's father who was also called Bory Khan because when the emperor learns that Bory Khan is attacking he's like but I killed Bory Khan and then someone's like no no it's Bory Khan Jr so Bory Khan wants revenge for the killing of his father and he's doesn't just hold the emperor responsible in like a general way like the emperor literally killed him I guess like it's not clear how or why but he did and it's also mentioned that the Rohron lands were taken by that emperor at some point so without historical context or anything like I I don't actually know that much about the history so I don't know if in the original Mulan like the land like the Huns invading is historically because their lands were taken by China but that's never mentioned in the animated movie it's just that China has these lands and Huns want to invade it's not ever like we want it back it's never said in the movie so like as far as the audience is concerned the Huns are just invading in this movie the Rohron people who are not Bory Khan there's how they talk about how they lost their land so I guess they would want their land back except that's never the motivation for them invading Bory Khan just keeps time on how he wants revenge for his father's death and then he's got like as they've been attacking the Silk Road villages they've gathered gold and treasure and stuff and Bory Khan is like look at all this gold you know that I'll get for you look at this wealth and the guys like we're nomads like we don't what's a nomad gonna do with all this gold is okay well that I can give you revenge for the land that was taken from us so he's not saying let's get our land back he said let's get revenge so I guess the plan is not to get their lands back the plan is just to like stick it to China because they're pissed that China took their land which paints China as the villain who like took over people's land to pick them off of them so it's kind of hard to side with China in this war but also what is this war for because it's not for territory it's not Bory Khan trying to reclaim any particular area which used to be his land he's just like trying to attack China to like get at the Emperor and be like I'm mad at you for killing my dad and taking my land like I don't want it back but you know it doesn't make sense why they would invade it makes sense the Bory Khan would be pissed but why would this army be invading they're not trying to get anything which just isn't how war works and war the sides are usually trying to achieve something like land so the Ruron plan for attacking China whatever their motivations like it doesn't make any sense then moving into Mulan her motivations are completely scattered throughout the movie and make no sense she at the beginning of the movie is already like a super like super big she's like doing parkour as a kid and like teaching herself kattas that I'm like if she's a girl not supposed to be learning this stuff who is teaching her these forms like that's you can be like a really agile child naturally but you don't naturally do kattas like those are specific forms for learning like body conditioning and how to fight know who why would she be doing this if no one's teaching her and if someone is teaching her why they teaching her because it's told to us that girls aren't supposed to do this so like and like her dad like has to tell her like oh you know like I like he doesn't want to crush her spirit but he's like you know your girl so like cool it like I love that you're like this but the world won't you're supposed to like get married and shit so like cool it on the being a badass thing she kind of ignores her dad but like she's like alright yeah I got it and then when it's the same thing like the dad's leg is like hurt so then with this like call to like join the army to fight the Rurons who are attacking for some reason she does do it to protect her father but it's really not like it doesn't feel like it's just that because she's we have this extended intro showing us that she is a kind of a badass already so her going isn't like I have to do this because otherwise my dad will die but I mean like this is not my area it's totally her area so yes it's to protect her father but it also kind of just feels like a thing that she would have wanted to do regardless and then later we get this narrative about how like society will never accept a woman being this way and how like that's not a woman's place and how she needs to learn her place but also like she wants everyone to know that she's a woman and they should accept her as a woman being like this so it's not even just about like what she wants to do and the fact that she happens to enjoy fighting more than embroidery or whatever it's that women have a right to be here I guess but then later it becomes that her her purpose that she states is her purpose is to protect the emperor she's like I know my place my place is to protect the emperor so her motivation is to protect the emperor but also to protect her father but to like stake her claim as a woman but like to just be herself and like it's just kind of all over the place like there's no great thesis to this like I just I don't really know what she's about it changes from seeing to seeing as the plot needs it to then the witch lady who I mentioned before who works with boricon it's mentioned that like you know she was cast out of regular society because she's a witch and so boricon took her in and he's kind of like he necks her a lot and it's like you know you were just like a stray witch starving dog and I took you in and like and he basically tells all his because the one his men are just like she's a witch she's like she knows who her master is and he's just like really angry about it and you're like real it's best boss you are not but so she's I guess fighting for boricon like you could infer that it's because he took her in so she's kind of like paying him back for that being like well you know you gave me a place so like if your thing now is attacking china um on your girl friday and I will help you attack china but then when she sees Mulan she's like girls don't have a place and girls have to like take their place and be bad asses and like there's no place for us and we have to make our own place but don't you think I would have wanted a more noble path but also that I can't have a more noble path and she like tells Mulan to not have a noble path and to join her but then he's also like wanting to be like Mulan and I'm like are you pro boricon or is he just like a friend of convenience because no one else would take you it's very unclear if she feels actual loyalty for boricon or she's just like well no one else would take me in he did but then as soon as it's convenient she doesn't have a loyalty for him anymore I don't know and then the commander who um takes the basically they split the character of li shang into two characters there's like 11 trust who's like in the army with Mulan who's just like her equal and then there's the commander who would have been li shang but this is an older man who's not in love and trust and he's kind of all over the place because he's not actually in it that much but like when it's like when it comes to like the Mulan as a woman he instead of wanting instead of executing her he banishes her which is very clear in the animated movie why why shang would do that because she just saved his life and he's like he literally says a life for a life so it's not clear why this commander is willing to not kill Mulan because she kind of helped with the army which didn't really do anything specifically for him or like it's unclear if he even realizes that she helped him in battle like it's very unclear if he realizes that at all so it's unclear why he would be lenient but then later when she comes back to warn them again that the Roarons are attacking he's immediately like well you're going to be executed now and then like she explains why they need to listen to her and like one minute later he's like your loyalty is beyond question and you will lead us and I'm like literally a minute ago you were going to execute her so like I don't know where your head is at sir so yeah that covers part one motivations don't make sense that wasn't even my longest part the longest part is the next part which I'm about to go into this is by far the longest and the part that I have the most to say about so strap in and that is the battle and war strategy that do not make any sense at all it didn't make sense the first time I watched it and upon rewatch I was like oh it makes even less sense than I thought if you've seen Mulan it's kind of following the same plot again so she like leaves home joins the army they're training for a bit then they get called to action and then they ride out and they find that this garrison has actually been killed so then the her battalion that she's a part of they ride into this garrison the fortress and they go and they ride in there so this is the setup for where they are they're in this well fortified well situated easily defensible fortress and someone rides in and tells them that Bori Khan's army is at about a day's ride away and that Bori Khan's forces vastly outnumber the forces that they have in the garrison so some like extra in the background says fortify for siege so we need to prepare to defend this fortress against siege which is really the only option here these only other thing that you would probably do is send out if you have other forces elsewhere send out a rider to call for reinforcements but you would be hunkering down and preparing for siege like that's really the only play here but no the commander literally says no to the idea of preparing for siege and i quote he says he who moves first controls the enemy and everyone's just like okay so they ride out the next day to go fight Bori Khan where he is um what why like just who put this man in charge you are outnumbered and you are currently in a very defensible position and Bori Khan like there's the messenger doesn't say the Bori Khan is about to attack a village he doesn't say that Bori Khan is about to attack a city it doesn't say that Bori Khan is about to do anything that you really need to go and stop him and be like we gotta leave the safety of this fortress to go and stop him it's just that he is a days ride away like that's where his forces currently are so instead of staying in your fortress which Bori Khan will presumably attack you're riding out to meet him no that's in fact it's Bori Khan who has set the terms of this battle because he has more or less chosen the land on which they will fight it's where his forces currently are he's chosen the ground on which you're going to be fighting so you have left your defensible position and you're letting Bori Khan choose the where you're going to fight these are both really bad things for you and you're outnumbered so that's three against you so there's just like why on earth would you do that okay so they get there and just kind of walk you through this because none of this makes sense and as they walk you through it it'll become clear why this makes no sense okay so they ride they get there they march up and marred up from whatever and Bori Khan's forces are coming towards them and Bori Khan is like oh they've left their garrison like bold move but like doesn't matter so Bori Khan and like a handful of his dudes like not his whole army just like a handful like ride full force head on towards the China towards China's army and then decide he decides to do an about face and ride away but so his army is coming towards them and Bori Khan has ridden ahead and then he turns around and then rides back this way as his army continues on and the commander whose bright idea it was to leave the garrison he says you know oh he's a coward he's fleeing from battle so he tells his left flank to to pursue Bori Khan okay so if you're China facing this this oncoming army the army's coming towards you Bori Khan is gone here past his own army here's the Chinese army coming towards them but the the left flank is gonna pursue Bori Khan past Bori Khan's army that is approaching and they just let them pass like the the camera doesn't show what happened they just kind of let them go which makes zero sense like how did how this oncoming army and they just rode right past them to follow Bori Khan and the army's like well we're marching here so you go do you I guess and this all happens really just so that we get Bori Khan out of the action and Mulan out of the action because she's in the left flank so she was one of the parties pursuing and she kind of gets lost in the like this like mountain pass where she gets like this one-on-one with the witch lady I'll touch on that later this puts Mulan out of the action for a little bit so then by the time Mulan comes back again I will unpack what Mulan did here in a different section when Mulan comes back to where the army main army is fighting the witch lady is is attacked she's turned herself into like a swarm of birds and and or bats or something like that and she's like attacking the Chinese army so the Chinese army they put up like they like cluster into like several clusters and put up their shields to like create a shield barrier a shield wall to have to shelter under as the birds are attacking them but by clustering they're like making themselves like centralized targets for this swarm and then while they're clustering and the swarms attacking at some point the Rouran army got their trebuchets to the battle which it makes sense that they would have had trebuchets with them if they were heading to the garrison where they would have expected to lay siege but you know before this commander decided to abandon the safety of his walls so they would have had those along in order to attack the walls of that garrison of that fortress but they've brought them out now for this battle I don't know who had time to go get them while they are battling but they did because Mulan gets back and they've got trebuchets now and they are using these trebuchets to fire at these clusters of soldiers with like like laser precision they are attacking like there it's like several clusters of like like shield like little clusters of soldiers and they are attacking with trebuchets with like perfect accuracy where each hit hits one of these clusters and I'm just like that's not how trebuchets work like they're designed just kind of like you just like lob things at a wall during a siege you don't have to have like precision accuracy because you're just trying to take down the wall but apparently they have these really great aiming trebuchets and Mulan no one notices she's got time now to run around and collect a bunch of helmets from dead soldiers I guess and she runs around behind the Rouron army behind there's a snowy mountain and some rocks no one sees her doing that she's wearing red and she's the swarm is leaving her alone and the trebuchets are leaving her alone she just collects some helmets and scurries behind the Rouron army where she puts the helmets on rocks so it kind of looks like there's like dudes behind the rocks and she shoots her arrows at the Rouron army like but their backs and they turn around and like see the helmets and they see her bow and arrow and they're like oh we're we're being attacked from behind so they turn around the trebuchet and aim it at her which that's not what trebuchets are for like they would just get their archers to try to like take out what archers they presume are hiding behind rocks on a mountain pass but no they turn around their trebuchet to try to hit her with it which again is not a sound strategy but they've lost their laser focused aiming capabilities because they miss her by a considerable distance like way off and they just hit the mountain behind her and cause the avalanche that we recognize from the animated movie because they're idiots and then she you know rides around and like she rescues not shang like the guy who's like the soldier counterpart of this blitting of shang i don't know what his name was i think they said it at some point so she so she rescues not shang just for nostalgia for the animated man so after that after the avalanche then she like outs herself to the army and yes i that's right she outs herself which we'll come back to don't worry have plenty to say about that and they decide to not execute her but to banish her so she like goes to a mountain top where she meets witch lady and witch lady is like join me london eggs her she's like you follow a coward he like ran from battle and the witch lady's like uh-uh or you can't actually while y'all were battling he's going to the to the imperial city to kill the emperor so moulon is just like i don't want to join you and leaves and the witch lady is fine with this she doesn't try to kill her or stop her moulon leaves and goes back to that garrison you know the one that they left the safety of you go tell them that boricon is actually like the emperors in danger because he's actually going to attack the imperial city so this garrison like it's not like she reaches the outer wall of it and is like yelling up at them to listen to her and begging them to let her in and listen to her no she rides right in no one stops her she rides right in to where her old commander is and he's like what are you doing here you're going to be executed and i'm like how did she get in here why did no one stop her is no one guarding this place is that why you left because you were like we don't guard our walls anyway so why stay here but anyway so she's like no you have to listen to me because like boricon is actually going to attack the emperor and he's like doing that right now which again like i don't know why she believes the witch lady but we'll come back to that i guess so now they're like okay we believe you and your loyalty is beyond question and we'll follow you but like instead of taking the whole garrison in the whole battalion who what's left of them they take like 10 dudes and say okay Mulan and these 10 dudes you're now going to go to the imperial city to save the emperor which like why only like 10 dudes but okay so they do that and meanwhile in the imperial city the witch lady has taken the form of the emperor's um some head dude who works for the emperor i forget what his title is and this head dude is like boricon's men are here and boricon is offering a duel like you and him mano a mano instead of having the armies keep fighting the emperor is like my people have suffered enough and so he's agreed to it like because boricon asked like he's not laying siege to the imperial city it's not like it's like this or nothing like there's no imminent danger as far as they know they defeated boricon on the battlefield so why is the emperor agreeing to this but the emperor agrees to this and he leaves the safety of the imperial city to ride out and meet boricon because we all like leaving the safety of our fortresses for some reason so he rides out to meet boricon and then he goes to where boricon wants to meet him where this like new pass is under construction so it's all like scaffolding or there's like tons of like brick-a-brack that someone could hide behind to like ambush you and surprise boricon's men ambush the emperor and he's like what like who made you emperor how are you this dumb he gets ambushed and he's like you know boricon's like oh you couldn't have expected a fair fight and like the emperor says to me like how did you get my like dude to portray me and i'm like in what way like i know the witch lady was impersonating that dude but also in what way was that dude betraying you you betrayed yourself he just said hey boricon's here and offering to fight you in a duel there's not really a betrayal there it's really still a message like the witch lady could have like said it herself all he did or she as he did was say hey boricon wants to do a duel and you agreed to it so don't don't blame witch lady don't blame your servant this was your bad decision okay and so then the emperor starts like fighting boricon but of course he loses because like boricon's forces are all ambushing them so then meanwhile like Mulan and her like handful of dudes have infiltrated the imperial city and are like where are all the guards and they like you know find where they're all clustered and like fight boricon's men and she gets to the throne room where the witch lady is and the witch lady is like i can't believe you're leading a man's army and she's like yeah you said i couldn't be like i did so girl power and the witch lady is like and like turns into a hawk and flies out and Mulan is like she wants me to follow like i don't i wasn't picking up that message it was just like she's just leaving but Mulan scrambles about on rooftops to follow a flying hawk which i don't care how bad as you are a parkour you cannot follow a flying hawk by running after it along rooftops but she does and the hawk flies to the scaffolding where the emperor currently is so i guess the witch lady did want Mulan to follow her and um but obviously the hawk gets there first because they can fly faster and the witch lady basically i'm not sure boricon would have noticed Mulan approaching if the witch lady hadn't come and flown in and been like there's women leading the forces in the imperial city and he's like a woman and then he like looks behind the witch and sees Mulan coming and i'm like wait give her away who's that are you on coming as a huge surprise to literally no one boricon pulls out a bow and arrow and tries to shoot Mulan down as you would expect and the witch lady is like oh fuck yeah oh fuck so she turns to a hawk and flies in front of the arrow so it shoots her instead of Mulan and she like flutters down and turns back into a lady and like Mulan cradles her dying body in her arms meanwhile no other arrows are shot their way the witch lady has time to die beautifully in Mulan's arms meanwhile boricon is not trying to shoot her again i don't know why because she's literally sitting there like in open ground just cradling a dying body and boricon decided to be like ah well whatever doesn't matter it's too sad now she won't i don't fucking know so Mulan leaves the dead witch now and like enters the scaffolding where she has like the most absurdly choreographed fight with boricon and then they like they're hanging from this they're like standing on this beam that's hanging from like a crane from the sky like i don't know where this is supposed to be hanging from or what the purpose of this is other than to have this fight scene but they're like on this beam and fighting and this really thick rope is like holding this beam up in midair and then she gets boricon's sword away from him because she loses hers and with one slash cuts through this thick ass rope which like that's not believable and like grabs on the rope herself as boricon presumably falls to his death or does he because on the ground now he like perks up while Mulan is untying the emperor at the top of the scaffolding and he's got his bow and arrows on him still i guess or he's got them near i don't know but he gets a bow and arrow and he shoots up at the emperor but Mulan freed the emperor's hand just in time for him to catch the arrow that would have killed him which is a thing people can do and then the emperor like gives a knowing nod to Mulan which she understands means that he's gonna serve the arrow midair like a fucking birdie in badminton and this is a thing Mulan did earlier in the movie so it's been set up and it's it's stupid the first time she doesn't it's even stupider here she leaps into midair repels off a beam and like kicks the arrow into boricon's chest and the part of this is unbelievable i mean obviously kicking the arrows unbelievable but she's that's been set up in the movie that she can do this that she can kick things in midair and aim them like which is dumb but okay like we've accepted this as a skill she has but she's kicked it in like midair in the scaffolding which i pleaded back like three times because it hits boricon sure enough and now he's really dead but the next shot of her she's just standing next to the emperor again like fine and i'm like you just lept into midair how did how did you not fall down to your death now like i've accepted you kicked the arrow and apparently you can do that but she lept into midair and the next shot she's standing next to the emperor just fine how did you get there part three is chi what the fuck is chi so this is a new concept that's introduced in this movie it's not in the original animated one there's this thing called chi it's a little bit played like the force but it's so unclear like i wrote down every time it's mentioned trying to figure out what the fuck chi is they describe it kind of as being something that's innately in each person kind of like a soul but it's also a thing they they say that the chi is strong in you so i guess it's like your life force and then then she can also be wielded so and that's what makes it kind of like the force but it's also just for dudes not for women so i guess not everybody has a life force if that's what chi is but so we're told in the beginning that willan is strong with her chi or her chi is strong or both or whatever however whichever way it works that's why she's so good at fighting in parkour and like knows all of this magic stuff and i say magic specifically because it's also explained that the reason that the witch lady is a witch lady is because she also is a strong wielder of chi and in women chi manifests itself as as witchery but willan never does it i mean she just she kicks arrows in mid-air which is like unbelievable but it's not magic in the way of like turning into a hawk is magic so it's told to us that the reason the witch can do this is because she's a woman using chi using chi not channeling it like it's a thing she's using externally not that's already in her it's so unclear and that everyone's kind of afraid that's why willan is told to like chill on the whole fighting thing because people are going to think she's a witch and so at no point in the movie does she ever do any magic and i my question is is she eventually going to do magic like if you let her finally like unleash her chi is she going to be turning into a hawk at some point like throughout the movie she's just really good at fighting unbelievably good at fighting in parkour but she's never doing magic stuff so like why is it a magic thing at all in women like wouldn't it just be it makes more sense for the way that willan is using chi where it's just like oh well chi is like this like warrior spirit so like she's is not expected for women to do it because that's a thing men do so the willan's relationship with it makes sense if the witch lady wasn't in it but the witch lady is in it and the witch lady is a witch because of the chi which is not how willan is using chi i'm so confused also okay so like i said chi is for warriors not daughters so like okay yeah it's like a dude thing and if women use it it's bad because the turn into witches okay but also also like okay they literally say the phrase chi is for warriors not daughters um cut to someone saying that the witch lady is strong with chi and the some servant of the emperor saying and i quote it is forbidden to use chi in destructive ways but i'm pretty sure chi was for warriors so he doesn't say it's forbidden for women to use chi in destructive ways or for chi to be used in destructive ways by women he just says it's forbidden to use chi in destructive ways but you also literally the purpose of chi is to strengthen warriors not daughters which warriors i think are pretty destructive i don't know what the fuck is chi what is chi and why is chi and who put this in this movie it helps nothing it's just so confusing number four song lyrics as dialogue so there's no music in this movie i mean there's a score like you know there's like orchestral music in the background which is fine like and they use some like um melodies that are like recognizable here and there where you're just like oh that sounds like reflection or oh that sounds a little bit like make a man out of you but they take lyrics from songs and make them dialogue it and it's cringy every single time they do it it doesn't fit the scene it doesn't fit the character and the only purpose of it is to be a callback a callback that just reminds you of the fact that aren't there aren't any cool songs in this movie and it just makes you upset because it doesn't improve the movie it just reminds you of a better movie and reminds you how shit this one is so instance is where this is used that i wrote down i think it's done a few more times for these are the ones that i wrote down towards the beginning of the movie when like Mulan's gonna go to the matchmaker and she's been told this is her place she doesn't say you know like yes i accept this is my place and like i'll do my part or like i'll do what is expected of me she says i will bring honor to us all like it's just a weird way to phrase it if you didn't know that was a song lyric you'd be like why are you saying you're gonna bring honor to us all like wouldn't you just say like it would be my honor to like do this for the family or whatever you know it's just it sounds so odd and it sounds doubly odd because you're like that's that should be sung there's twice for the commander because they don't have the cool fighting montage of i'll make a man out of you they just have like the beginning of training where the commander says we're gonna make men out of every single one of you and i'm like then it sounds weird it fits the song because it's a song and because you know that Mulan is like a girl but when it's just like the silent army listening to a commander who's like giving them their like speech it sounds really weird for him to be like you know we fight for china and i'm going to we're gonna make a man out of every one single one of you like it would make more sense if he'd say we're gonna make warriors out of every single one of you but nope because i'm gonna make a man out of you and then later when the commander is talking to Mulan about how strong her chi is and how like how that chi is and should be and how he recognizes it in her he says that it's tranquil as a forest but on fire within which is literally from make a man out of you and because it's so recognizable like that's it sounds silly and if you didn't know it's from a song you just be like i don't know that that fits what we're talking about right now what okay it's just why it didn't help the movie it just it was so dumb number five the movie is narrated by the father which makes no sense to me because this whole movie even though it utterly failed its in its endeavor to be this empowering movie for women in general and from Mulan specifically having it narrated by the dad in what way is that in keeping with the girl power message of this movie also the dad is the worst possible narrator for this movie because he is absent from most of the action of the movie so i think he would want a first-hand account of the events of a movie from people who saw it and felt it and knew about it at best he heard about this from Mulan so why can't she fucking narrate it because it's her story or like have a voiceover that's like it would be corny as fuck but if it was like a female voiceover and you find out later it's Mulan's daughter hearing like telling the story of the legend that was her mother but it's the dad and there's so many instances where it doesn't make any sense why he'd be the one like his voice is piped in at the randomest times where it's something that like it's not even it's a really internal thing that he really wouldn't know unless Mulan told him so like when they she finally gets to the to the army camp campment to like join them into start training his voiceover comes in to tell us that like oh you know she was scared because she'd never she didn't really know the world of men because he protected her from it and like she knew she had to fit in and find a way to be a part of this and like but she was you know how she was feeling about it and i was like did she specifically tell you when she got back she's like man you know when i got that you know like i was like so scared because about like you know like why would he know what she's feeling and then when the witch lady has her one-on-one with Mulan after she's like gone the left flank to pursue bori khan and he disappears and she has her one-on-one now with the witch lady the witch lady is like you're a liar you're not a man you're a woman and Mulan keeps insisting that you know she is a man and the witch lady is like well then you're gonna die pretending to be something you're not she throws the throwing star at Mulan which hits her in the chest and then the witch lady leaves and then Mulan is on the ground like you know down for the count but then she like the voiceover comes in and it's her dad being like you know but wajoon which is her boy name he died because a lie can only live so long but Mulan lived and it's like her being reborn as herself and i'm like why would her dad know about this it's a really weird time for him to like chime in yeah the dad's voice there is just like why are you telling me about this like he tells us at the end that like that she became a hero a leader who became a hero who became a legend i'm like buddy you're considerably older than Mulan most people don't live to see themselves become a legend it's even more unlikely that you lived to see her become a legend i'm i don't think you know that she became a legend which is why again it would make more sense at the end of it was like Mulan's daughter or something that was just like you know and she became a legend and then she became my mother or some bullshit like that like it would still be corny as fuck but it would be better than the dad narrating it because i'm just like why number six is the phoenix so instead of mooshu as the family guardian that they're sending the ancestors guardian or whatever that they're going to send after Mulan to help instead of giving us mooshu when they're being like we're just not going to have that nope we got a phoenix and the phoenix is set up in the beginning because there's like a statue of phoenix in their village and then the dad before he's heading out thinks he's heading out to battle he's like polishing his like sharpening his sword and he's got this like little medallion that's up phoenix and he's like she's followed me into battle before and she will follow me again and you're just like did she help you in battle like in what way is this a good thing and so then Mulan when she leaves and she gets like lost in the desert before finding the army encampment and the only purpose of her getting lost is so that the phoenix can show up like a fucking kite like it looks literally like a rogue kite that got like got parted from its string and it's just like floating around like it does not look magical it looks like a fucking kite and it just shows up because Mulan doesn't know which way to go and she's like run out of food and water and she's like the phoenix and it's just like flying around being like this way he gets her to the army encampment so like you just cut that whole scene because like I don't know why she would get lost on her way to the army encampment and the only reason we had that scene is so the phoenix which I would be like this way but you just cut that whole thing out it makes a little like absolutely no difference to the plot and then later when Mulan is fighting Bory Khan herself to defend the emperor the when she loses her sword the emperor says something about how like you know a phoenix rises from the ashes and she's like yeah now the phoenix literally shows up and then flies behind her and then she like rises up and it's like literally Daenerys Targaryen 2.0 where like the phoenix wings are behind her and she's like the phoenix and I was just like you still don't have a sword in what way was this helpful the phoenix showed up to like get you a cool selfie like how is this helpful pink's ancestors Mushu was much more helpful and then at the end then the dad says something about how like the phoenix is gonna tell the ancestors that she was like so great and I'm like so is the phoenix just like spying and it's gonna report back to the ancestors and be like yes you did good I saw it he blessed what was the fucking point of a fucking phoenix it didn't do shit it didn't help her at all you know and it didn't look magical it was the dumbest shit like just fucking cut it out number seven empowering moments there's several moments in the original movie that are really empowering moments and this movie either changed them in a way that made them not empowering or replaced them with something that was less empowering the part where Mulan has decided to take her father's place and now go to the army in his place in the animated movie it's this epic montage where she like sees that her dad is like stumbling and it's just like like she's no warrior but she's young and and she's in better shape than dad so you know she like finds his armor takes his sword cuts her hair prays to the ancestors and like it's like a big deal and it's built up that way and this movie Mulan just kind of like gets the armor and leaves like they just like cut to her already wearing it and she like says a quick prayer to the ancestors and leaves she doesn't cut her hair because we couldn't have her later fighting with hair flowing in the wind if she did that which is again less empowering or it's less of like a you know there's no going back like i'm really committing to this decision plus cutting your hair with a sword i mean like there's nothing we're outbreak than that there's like no like decision montage which is just a turning point in the animated movie where she's like i'm doing this and this one she's already been kind of fighting and already been kind of like into the whole fighting and acrobatics thing so her deciding to go it just kind of feels like the natural progression of things it doesn't feel like oh fuck you're deciding to do this thing it's just like yeah well i guess i mean you would wouldn't you like you're already kind of fighting all the time anyway and yeah there's the armor and no not he go so it didn't feel i didn't feel anything and then in their training um it's a big thing during the song in the animated one and it's the thing that they're trying to do is there's an arrow that shang shoots to the top of this like really tall beam this really tall pole and then he has these like really heavy medallions that they have to hold and they're told that they have to carry these medallions while they climb the pole and retrieve the arrow and none of them can do it because the medallions are really heavy and everyone keeps failing at it not just Milan and then at the end of the montage you know she like figures out a way to like use the medallions instead of like making them weigh her down she's she's clever and she figures out a way to make the medallions help her to climb the the pole and retrieve the arrow which shows that she's smart that she's adapting and she's clever in this movie Milan's like during training just keeps trying to hide how bad as she is she's not trying to become badass she already knows how to fight so it's not like her watching her trying to but come a fighter which she isn't she already is one so you're just like okay and instead of a pole that you have to climb to retrieve an arrow there's just like for this really tall hill mountain thing stairs and everybody has to carry two buckets of water with their arms that completely aren't stretched on either side holding the bucket of water the whole way up and everyone's failing at it because buckets of water are heavy so it says test of endurance and Milan does it and it's just like for one it's completely unbelievable because his actress built no muscle she like it's just it's unbelievable because it's it's not cleverness it's not agility it's not adaptability it's literally a test of physical strength that's all that that is and she's it's not believable that she's strong enough to do this and then even her proving that she does it it just shows that i guess she's got muscle like it doesn't show that she's clever or adaptable or anything like that so when she reaches the summit of the mountain you're just like okay good job i guess yay like it doesn't you know it doesn't feel like anything it doesn't feel earned and then when they've decided to leave the garrison and now go attack boricon so the eve of battle before that all the dudes are like oh my god like we're actually going to battle like we're gonna die maybe and Milan her little pep talk to them is we'll all live i guarantee it she says i guarantee it like one of those men's warehouse you're gonna like the way you fight i guarantee it and she's like no because i'll protect you and you're just like it's not a good pep talk it's it's dumb so then when she meets up with which lady and her little one-on-one on the battlefield after she's separated from everybody and the lady's like you know you're gonna die as pretending you're something or not and throws the throwing start and Milan that takes her down and dad's voice so it says you know but mudan lived and then she stands up and like she discovers that the throwing star it hit her right here where she's been binding her breasts so she's got this like thick cloth here that kind of caught it and protected her from the brunt of it not her armor but the cloth she was using to bind her breasts so she takes out the throwing star and she's like shaking it off and like the message i got from that was the lie saved your life if you hadn't been binding your breasts you would be dead but her less the lesson she takes from this is i should listen to my enemy who couldn't possibly have ulterior motives for for telling me to out myself she seems to have my best interests at heart and i can't live a lie so on her way back to the battlefield she takes off her helmet takes down her hair takes off her armor which she just like discards along the path like she doesn't even take it with her which is her dad's armor may i remind you so it's like disrespectful to your dad it's a really poor decision because like i'm even women need armor like this is not the time for this honey out yourself later but when women go to battle they wear armor you need it but she sheds her armor and rides into battle with her hair flowing in the wind because she's gonna fight us herself unleashed and it makes some sense that armor would be constricting to your movement so she's able to move more freely and fight more in her style when she doesn't have armor but the only part of her armor that she leaves on is the armor that's covering her thighs which is the part that i would imagine be the most like cumbersome and most in the way of your her free movement so if like keep your helmet on you know keep this part on that's the part you really need to protect and then you can take the armor off of your legs that's the part that like if you're going to take any armor off take the armor off of your thighs because an injury to your thigh while it could possibly get infected and it will hinder your ability to move it won't be a mortal wound but that's the part she leaves armor on because it looks cool it's just it's not empowering it's dumb it makes me look like an idiot and it's also it's just all together a really poor decision and she did it on the advice of her enemy which is always a great idea if your enemy tells you to do something don't question it just do it and so then after the battle because like in the middle of the battle no one notices her it's only the audience that sees her being a badass so then after the battle's over and she's saved not shang she saves not shang but she like leaves him unconscious kind of like ariel and little mermaid so he doesn't see that she saved him she walks away and you're like okay i was trying to get the fuck out of there so that no one sees that she's a woman even though she's chosen to out herself so she wants him to know but right now she doesn't so she leaves and you're like i guess that's why she left except one second later he comes back to the army and they're like have you seen wajun and he's like no i haven't seen wajun because he doesn't know that wajun saved him and then out of the fog and mist mulan walks up and she's like i'm guamulan so she is outing herself so why didn't you stay by not shang so that at least you'd get credit for saving his life if people are going to be like you're a girl you should die be like but i just saved him and he'd be like yeah she did just save me nope you just left his body walked away like circled the block and then was like i'm mulan why so she outs herself it's not like her helmet fell off during battle and like they saw her hair and they're like you're a girl she just walks up she's just like uh decided that you should know that i'm a girl and they're like okay you're banished then because that's you brought dishonor and disgrace upon us by your by lying to us i'm like you've brought dishonor and disgrace to this army by being a fucking dumbass but since your commander decided to leave the garrison i guess you're in good company you know what can we possibly expect he's decided to be lenient which again in the original it makes sense because she just saved shang's life and he's like a life for a life which is while sad it is kind of an empowering moment because she has at least earned shang's respect enough to where he kind of disgusted but it's also this kind of like this mutual respect that keeps him from killing her so like he's it's sad but it is empowering in a way in the animated one we hear this commander is just like well you're banished so she'd rather be executed and i was like girl why was outing yourself like an elaborate attempted suicide like you outed yourself because you were hoping that they would kill you what why i almost put this in the motivations don't make sense part but like i knew you had to explain too much about how we got to this point why and they refuse she's like i'd rather be executed in there like okay well if you come back again your wish will be granted i want to be like if i was if i seriously would rather be executed i'd be like so if i just circle the block and come back you'll execute me great be back in a sec you know like she just said she wanted to be executed and your threat is well if you come back you will be she's like but i literally just said i wanted that so what and then when she comes back to tell them that borichan's actually fighting uh going to attack the the emperor um and the commander is like you're going to be executed now she's like no listen to me he's gonna we have to go defend the emperor and he's like your loyalty is beyond question you will lead us and i'm like it's not earned it's so random that the commander is all of a sudden like you're gonna lead us when one second ago you were gonna execute her it's it's not like he's gradually seen that she's proven herself in battle and proven herself as a leader and he's like finally like you should lead us it's like a split second so it's not empowering because you were gonna kill her until not shang piped up and was like well you trusted hua jun why wouldn't you trust hua mulan he's like good point you lead us who put this man in charge i don't understand okay part eight trusting the witch lady too much this i have there's three separate occasions that mulan just takes the witch's word for something and i i don't understand why so the first is that when she meets her one on one and then the witch is like you know telling her to out herself and that like she's gonna die pretending to be something she's not and she tells her which i didn't mention before she says pretending to be a man is smothering her chi and which lady would know because i mean she's turning into a hawk and shit so this lady knows about chi and mulan is just like but then we just we see her decide that yeah the witch lady threw a throwing star at me and tried to kill me and if i wasn't wearing armor and i wasn't wearing the stuff binding my breast she would have succeeded but i should uh i should out myself she's right why why would you take her word for it that it's smothering your chi like it seems to me that your enemy only stands to gain from you being dumb enough to take your armor off so why wouldn't you just say whatever the fuck she needs to to get you to do that like if i was the witch i'd be like uh yeah take off your armor because um you'll fight so much better without it trust me oh i can't believe you just did it great i'm gonna kill you now why wouldn't you believe her and then when again after the battle when she's like now been banished and she meets up with the witch lady the witch lady is like merge your path with mine and like grow in your chi blah blah blah when woolan's like oh but you know you follow a coward and the witch lady is like what are you kind of going to attack the emperor right now like the witch lady is a real idiot for telling woolan this if it's true the only way it's smart for her to do this is if she's telling woolan this because woolan has proved herself to be a dumb dumb and she's like woolan will believe literally anything i tell her like i've seen it so i'm gonna tell her that boricon's attacking the imperial city and i bet she'll swallow it and you know on the off chance that she convinces her men that this is what's going on like for whatever ulterior motive i feel like it seems to me that she would only say this if it's not true but woolan does not verify this in any way she cannot verify this in any way and she immediately writes back to the garrison and is like well you have to go to the imperial city because boricon's attacking the emperor and like i mean it proves to be true but it seems to me that why would you take the witch's word for it i best woolan could write it back and be like i don't know if this is true and i don't know if we want to take the chance but i thought you should know that the witch lady told me that this is happening and you decided from there but she's just like i know what's happening and in the animated one woolan literally herself sees shaan yu emerge from the avalanche with his men and go to attack the emperor so she's seen it she knows it's happening in this movie the witch ladies like tells her and woolan's like that must be true why would she lie to me like for many reasons so she takes her word for it and then at the end when the the witch lady turns into a hawk and woolan's like oh she wants me to follow her i'm like to a trap maybe i mean i guess twice in a row now like you believe the witch and to my great astonishment it has paid off but if the it's just flying away i wouldn't immediately be like oh she's leading me to the emperor so that i can save him because i can trust her um i'd be like maybe she's leading me into a trap slash i cannot possibly follow a bird that's flying so i guess i'll never know where she's flying to because like that's impossible but nope she's just like she's leading me and i should follow okay no part nine the ending of the movie oh my god okay so after borikhan dies mulan has a moment to be alone with the emperor and he's like you know who is this woman that saved my life or whatever so they have like time to like talk one-on-one but we cut away from that and the next shot we see is reminiscent of the animated one where now all of china has had time to prepare this huge festival in the imperial city there's fireworks there's dragons everybody's like wearing their finest there's like this everybody's back in the imperial city and like the the throne room is like filled with like his armed guards and the actress who originally gave the voice of the animated mulan leads new mulan down the aisle like a fucking wedding but mulan is still wearing what she was wearing when she fought borikhan so i guess no one thought she should get a change of clothes even though they've had time to prepare this great ceremony so presumably time has passed at least a day so she comes down the aisle and follows real mulan and the emperor in front of everybody offers her a position in his guard and mulan has waited until this moment to to reject the offer and i'm like they were presumably preparing this ceremony for a while and i don't think you were walking down the aisle not knowing what is about to be offered to you because you weren't like it doesn't seem like a hostage situation where you're just like being told to go down the aisle and just like then why like she seems to know what's going on but she decided to wait until that moment to humiliate the emperor and he was like you i want to honor you and thank you for what you've done you know you give you a place in my guard and she's just like no i have to go home to my family if i was that number i'd be like now you tell me like you could have fucking mentioned that you were gonna say no in the animated one it's already a festival that shanyu has crashed so they've like saved the saved china during the festival so it's during the festival that the emperor can be like wow you just saved my life okay well um do you want a position in my guard and mulan right then and there is just like ah man i gotta go home but here time has passed so like they had to put together this ceremony and she waited either the emperor waited to ask her and decided like i'm just gonna put this whole ceremony together no way she's gonna say no it's like one of those like elaborate engagements like i always think about that because someone's planning to elaborate like beachside engagement with like secret photographers like what she says no because it's like mulan literally was just like no i'm gonna go home and she's like okay well devotion to family is like eight plus two so playing it off like hot's cool so she goes home and when she gets home oh yeah i know you can mention mulan is a sister in this but it's like completely irrelevant she's just there to be like a counterpoint to mulan to be like well this is what a real girl should be like she likes girly things she's afraid of spiders and the first thing that her sister tells her is that that she's been mashed and that here no her boo is not afraid of spiders so like yay can't wait for the part where mulan tells her parents that like okay so the emperor was going to give me a job but i thought you guys would like to shelter and clothe me for a few more years so i said no you're welcome but now she comes home and she's like you know i stole your armor and i wrote off and i'm so sorry and then her dad is just like no i like you know having you for a daughter whatever is the greatest thing he also says to her that my foolish pride drove you away and i'm like what movie did you watch sir because it wasn't your foolish pride that drove her away she didn't leave during the tantrum because you guys were arguing she left because she was trying to protect you because you're gonna die if you went and fought in the army so are you saying you were too prideful to say like can't fight so i'm pretty sure it was not optional it was a draft so that line just makes no sense but he says it and she's just like yeah and then the guards show up again to like present mulan with a sword and in front of the village now and to renew the job offer because she said no the first time and she like gets this sword and she still doesn't actually say yes i guess it's assumed that you probably would but she like reads the sword and the like added a devotion to family like inscription on it and then the voice over the dad tells us that she became a legend what was any of that okay and section 10 is just random miscellaneous stuff that i just like thought was funny or stupid but didn't really fit any of the other themes they were just like random one-off little things that was just like that's dumb so spiders is one of them like it's a big thing that the sisters afraid of spiders like the part in the animated one where mulan fucks up with the matchmaker is because of the cricket but here it's because there's a spider that like because the sister's also there for some reason and the spider shows up and mulan tries to kill the spider with the teapot and is unsuccessful and it's like a whole thing and it's just like really dumb because like it's very clear to like it's in the animated one that the matchmaker doesn't know that there's a cricket she just thinks mulan is like act in a fool but here everybody clearly sees the spider and knows that mulan's trying to kill it but then the matchmaker is still like you're a disgrace and i'm like but why though when mulan is getting ready to go to the matchmaker she they do the whole montage of her like getting dressed and like that you can hear the music is like the bring honor to us all song and she's this beautiful like sash and her hair is up and they paint her face all white with the lipstick and the whatever and then on their way to the matchmaker mulan turns to her sister and just like you know talking about how what her facial expression is and like can you tell what i'm feeling right now and the sister's like no and mulan's like this is my angry face this is my sad face this is my confused face making a joke about how she can't move her face like it's botox or something like she's wearing a lot of makeup but it's not botox she's acting like she can't move her face so i that just didn't make any sense i was like it's a lot of makeup but you can move your face um then when the dad is going to go to the army and they have like the family dinner where like mulan's like you shouldn't have to go and he's like it's my place to go and you like leave the dinner table and the mom's like he will not return this time like whoa mom i mean it's a little early to be writing him off as dead like can can we chill on that like it's very possible he'll die but come on mom come on um then mulan binds her breasts outside of her shirt and like in this version she doesn't have her own private tent to sleep in when she's with the army she's in a big tent with everybody else and she keeps unbinding and binding and binding unbinding and binding her breasts at night but she has the wrappings outside her shirt where it's more likely that somebody's gonna catch sight of it i just don't understand that like why wouldn't you put the bindings under your shirt where people are less likely to see it and then uh yeah cricket i that was dumb that was so dumb that like they turned cricket into a human like when i saw they did that i was like oh god is there going to also be a human named mooshu i will die there wasn't we had the f**king phoenix you decided not to have like fun animal creatures in it so why make a human be cricket that's so dumb oh and then like a little thing like i'm pretty sure not shang he has to be gay because so he like finds Mulan when he still thinks it's wajoon and the dudes have just been talking about like what their perfect woman is because it's a callback to the song oh girl worth fighting for which is so dumb and it's obviously a callback to that because they oh i didn't write that down that's another song lyric they use where he says like it doesn't matter what she looks like it only matters what she cooks like and i was like so from the song anyway so uh not shang finds Mulan and he's like are you matched wajoon and Mulan's like no and he's not shang is like oh lucky and i'm like why would you say it's lucky that he wajoon is not matched and Mulan's like what and he's like well how do you even begin to know how to talk to a woman and Mulan's like well you just talk to them like you're talking to me right now he's like yeah if only it would be that easy i'm like because you're gay and then he like leans in really close and then suggests that Mulan go bathe and it's been a running joke that she refuses to bathe for obvious reasons so it like they've been commenting on how she stinks but like right then and there he's just said oh it's lucky that you're not matched and like i don't know how to talk to women and like you should go bathe and like you're like super coming on to wajoon pretty sure you're into him and later when Mulan is in the lake actually bathing it's not saying finds her and like she's like go away and he's no strips goes right into the lake with her and he's like glad i found you he literally says glad i found you and i'm like you're definitely gay so like i don't know what does he was whether you're going with that because then later when Mulan is outed he's still into her and he like he doesn't kiss her ever but it's like you know he's like into her and before she leaves the imperial city he's like you know has a moment with her and he's the one that defends her later to the commanders like you know you believe wajoon why is Mulan any different which oh also piss me off that is a line that they stole from Mulan because here they split shang into two people so like not the young not shang turns to the old not shang and is like you believe wajoon why wouldn't you believe wamulan which is literally a line that Mulan says to shang in the animated one she's the one that speaks up for herself she says you know you believed ping why is Mulan different she says that and it's so much more empowering when she says it but nope someone else had to say it for her and it was not shang okay i think that does it um this is a really long video it might even be as long as the movie itself it's such a bad movie nothing makes sense everything is awful i hate it i hate it i hate it so if you're worried about not supporting disney but you're like man i really wish i could have seen Mulan but i can't because i'm boycotting it you're not missing out it is it is a dumpster fire it's terrible let me know in the comments down below how you feel about Mulan how you feel about this review um yeah let me know all the things and i'll see you when i see you bye


Hi everyone, Joe for Jasper's casebreaks.com coming at you with a one-box break of 2022 Panini immaculate collegiate football from a fresh case So fresh and so clean Big thanks to that group right there. They're the numbers right there. Let's roll it Let's randomize names and numbers three and a six nine times each one two three four five six seven eight and Ninth and final time After nine we got Nancy down to Nancy Three and a six nine times for the numbers one two three four five six seven eight and Ninth and final time got nine down to eight All right, so Nancy you have nine zero David with three Craig with five KJ with seven Ed With six Alan with four Craig with one Nancy with two and eight now Remember this one box break zero gets any and all redemptions including one of one redemptions per the item description Craig you'll still get live one of ones that pop All right, so let's order it by number and I guess there there is a trade window a brief trade window While you're thinking about trades. Let's pop open this immaculate collegiate case There's my knife and then we'll select a box. All right, so we'll select a die There's one two three four five boxes So from top to bottom one two three four five on the dice roll if I if you roll a six, we'll just roll again and It's four one two three four fourth box down So that'll be the one that we're gonna do These ones will mark So you'll know that they are From the same case We got those X's there. All right any trades No, not even not even a whisper of a trade So TWC trade window closed this list remains the same Alan saying let's go number four It's a pretty it's a pretty good number. I think all right once again Here's the final print out hot off the presses the next one box break in the store now if you want to run This back get a whole block of numbers Pretty solid product NFL draft coming up. So people are thinking college people are thinking Football Good luck my friends first one out of the gate Brett far of 27 out of 99 it's gonna go to KJ in the number seven. So if you're not familiar with it Go to that digit right there. So KJ would get seven out of whatever the number is 17 37 47 57 67 107 and 27 out of 99 Brett far and we've got Zemeer white 7 out of 99 another one for KJ Go dogs Raiders is Zemeer white Zeus as they call him you'll get a little more work next year with Josh Jacobs Next up is Joe Montana One out of 25 that's gonna go to Craig in the number one Highlighting his 1977 national championship nice Next a few more to go. We got nine out of 49 Nicobi Dean Two-color jersey and autograph for Nancy the number nine on the Eagles now. I believe a couple more here Out of 99 we got Breeze Hall 50 out of 99 nice That goes to number zero. That'll be for Nancy in the number zero I feel like he was getting a little bit of a rookie of the year buzz For a portion of the season. All right last but not least is a quad relic. You know, what's great about this? No randomizer could it's gonna go to the number nine 19 out of 99. That's Trevor Lawrence Trey Lance Justin Fields and Mack Jones four-color quad relic It's pretty good We want all of these guys succeed here.  Thanks everyone for getting into immaculate Collegiate football another one box break in the store. Check it out. Jasper's case breaks calm. I'm Joe I'll see you next time for the next one. Bye. Bye