I also see that Allah mentions that He sent the Messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam as a mercy to all the world. وما أرسمناك إلا رحمة للعالمين that we did not send you except as a mercy to all of the world. And the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam regularly throughout his life he exemplified this aspect of mercy. He says in the hadith narrated in the Mas'al-e-Mahmal that the compassionate of Rahman shows mercy to those who show mercy to others. That when you and I show mercy to our family, when you and I show mercy to others, Allah in turn shows mercy to us. And Allah mentions in the Quran that those who are with the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam they are merciful to the believers, they are merciful to each other. Mercy is at the essence of our tradition. And yet many times we forget this. Many times strange cultural norms and cultural practices get in the way of our community which results in harsh behavior which results in a certain type of intensity and which results in an outward practice of Islam that is devoid of mercy. If our practice of this religion is not increasing us in mercy every single day something is wrong. And this is very, very, very prevalent in a few specific situations. And the one I want to touch on today is that of those men who abuse their wives. Those who mistreat their wives. Those who have a misogynistic approach with their women at home. This is completely devoid of Islam. This is completely devoid of the sunnah. And yet many people for some strange reason likely due to backwards cultural practices have come to think that this type of ethos, this type of approach is somehow part of this religion. It somehow makes you religious to treat women in a disrespectful way.  Religious to speak out and yell at women. Where is this in our religion? This is nowhere to be found in the traditions of the Prophet ﷺ. You have men in the Muslim community, in the United States of America, in the Bay Area who dare have the audacity to hit their wives. Who have the audacity to abuse their wives. Who have the audacity to abuse their daughters. Who have the audacity to abuse their children. And just they keep going on about their day as though nothing happened. They show up to the community still continuing about with the same practices. Hypocritical, portraying Islam outwardly and yet inwardly.  You are judged by how you are in private, how you are with those who are closest to you. That is how you and I are judged. So if we are not able to treat our wives appropriately, if we are not able to give our women dignity, if we are not able to speak softly, to speak kindly, to take care of them, to protect them, we are far away from the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. Anybody who thinks that they are close to the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ because they have all the outward aspects of the Sunnah down, but they don't have these inward traits down, is completely mistaken. Just look at Imam al-Adhaid, he attacks these types of people throughout the entire book. Allah says in the Qur'an, Al-Rijal Qawamun al-Nisa, that men are the supporters of women, men are the caretakers of women. It is a responsibility when somebody decides to get married, it is a responsibility to take care of their family, it is a responsibility to be emotionally intelligent, to emotionally take care of your wife, and especially to physically take care of your wife, especially to physically take care of your daughters. That physical support, that emotional support, that psychological support is that the essence of the way that the Prophet ﷺ would treat his wives. And yet you have this strange understanding that some men think that they rule their house as though they are tyrants. They rule their house with the iron fist of an oppressor, going into their homes, yelling at every single person in their home, mistreating their wives, mistreating their children, approaching their religion and their family life with this intense harshness, and expecting everything to work out in their favor, that you couldn't be farther from this religion when you were devoid of that type of mercy. That's not the way of the Prophet ﷺ. Allah says in the Quran, among his signs is that he created for you spouses, from among yourselves, so that you may dwell in tranquility. So you may dwell in tranquility. Tell me, where is the tranquility when someone is always yelling and raising up vows of anger? Where is the tranquility when someone dares lay a hand on a woman? Where is the tranquility in that relationship? Where is the tranquility when someone is rude and using harsh words and cursed words and approaching things with intensity? I don't care what language someone is doing today. Where is the tranquility? Where is that in the tradition of the Prophet ﷺ? You have people, and I'm talking about this because I literally know of far too many cases where this happens. Again, in our own community, you have husbands who are straight up tyrants. And I'm sorry to say, I'm speaking to myself first and foremost, but they create environments of oppression, create environments of tension, create environments of stress, create environments of abuse. The home is supposed to be one of the words for home in Arabic is mustan. Mustan comes from the same root as sakina, that abode of tranquility. That is what the home is supposed to be. So where is this idea that the home is supposed to be this intense, harsh, rule-enforced place where every single thing has to go your way or the highway? And if not, then the hand comes down. Amongst the categories of abuse that are prevalent throughout the world, but especially in our communities, there are a couple categories. First is physical abuse, hitting. That is the worst category. And amongst, there are far too many people who engage in this type of behavior. And they will, again, I've heard of situations, slapping, hitting, shoving, poking their wives to the point where you have bleeding going on in some cases. All because they think they have some God-given right over them. They have some God-given ability to do whatever it is that they please. I'll tell you this, you are not a man.  You are not a rijal. A rijal are those who support women, who take care of women. So how could someone have the audacity to dare do that?  All the hour sunnas are there and yet they do this type of, that's complete hypocrisy. And I have news for those people who approach their religion with hypocrisy. Allah says in the Qur'an, the hypocrites are in the lowest part of the fire. The Tafsir of that verse says, the hypocrites are worse than the Qur'an, because they pretend to be something that they are not. You have another category of verbal abuse, something that is very, very, very touched on, where there's just a tension, a tense environment being created at home, always yelling going on, generally from one direction to the other. And again, this happens in both directions. Wives will also do this to husbands. I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but the predominant amount, at least, that I've seen, and what most research shows it's generally speaking of one way situation, because most men have a bit more physical strength than women do. And so this tense environment is created, always treating women like property, treating women like they don't deserve to have respect. Where is that in the Sermon of the Prophet SAW? The best of you and the hadith, the best of you are those who are best to their wives and verily I am the best of my wives, the Prophet SAW said. This environment of tension, this environment of anger, this environment of harshness, this environment of yelling all the time and creating, that's not from our tradition. We have to work on ourselves to get rid of these types of things. Then you have the third category, financial abuse, where a husband will control all the finances and prevent their wife from having access to any resources. And then using psychological abuse and tactics to say, you can't do anything without me.  You have no ability to make money without me. You have no ability to survive without me. And thus you have to stay with me, even though I do all these things to you. Not understanding that they are not providing a lot the one providing, but that's a whole separate spiritual understanding. Somebody who doesn't have a basic understanding certainly won't have an in depth spiritual understanding. This environment of harsh control, this environment of treating women poorly is antithetical to our tradition. And yet when those women, when those wives try to ask for a divorce, they don't let them leave. They don't let them get divorced. I see this all the time, especially in communities and in communities back home. Well, why does this happen? Let's diagnose this a little bit. First and foremost is because of the diseases that we have in our hearts. It's a mix of a wrong understanding of religion. It's a mix of backwards practices getting into our tradition. It's a mix of anger. It's a mix of arrogance. And it's a mix of someone's nuts just being completely out of control. That if they're going to have this type of approach and then you have people who will selectively apply the theme. I'm gonna apply it in this situation, not gonna apply it in this situation. I'm gonna control you in this situation with this verse. Everything else in my life I don't do. I don't pray, I don't do anything, but no, when it comes to control, yeah, I'm really religious. Let me show you this. What is hypocrisy if that's not hypocrisy? You have disease deep in the heart and generally speaking, men are more inclined towards anger and arrogance as a general spiritual principle than many women are. Women, generally speaking, have more alhamdulillah and rahmah in their hearts. So this anger, this intense nuts, it gets out of control. And somebody could be, Allah says in Surah Al-Kaaf, that you think the people who are in the deepest trouble and again I'm paraphrasing the verse are those who think they're doing good but they're not actually doing any good. They completely have the wrong understanding of things. And then the crazy thing is, the mistreatment continues in our communities with daughters. It doesn't just end with wives. Usually abusive households continue this practice generation upon generation. You will be surprised at the amount of abuse and the amount of physical, financial, emotional and psychological and controlling abuse that people have with their daughters amongst the Muslim community. And people who care more about their reputation. What will they say? What will they say? What are people gonna say? Versus taking care of their daughters in the appropriate way. How does this happen? Forcing daughters into marriages without their consent or when someone is in an abusive marriage, I see this again. Often you have somebody who is in an abusive marriage in an abusive situation. Maybe they didn't know what's going in. The daughter wants to get out of the marriage. And I'm not talking about just some arguing. Everybody's gonna have marital challenges. We're gonna argue, we're gonna have tension. No, I'm talking about serious physical harm. Unacceptable levels. And the parents will say, no, no, no, no, you have to stay with him. What are people gonna say? What are people gonna think? Oh, you divorced? No, no, no, no, you have to just be patient. Not understanding how patience works. Patience is not inaction. I'll get to that in a second. Patience is acting while accepting the decree of Allah. No, no, no, no, no, it'll get better. Oh, he only slapped you? Oh, it's okay. This is a punch.   Like just minimizing, minimizing. This is called manipulation. This is called psychological manipulation. Forcing somebody. You and I are supposed to take care. If we have a daughter that is our job, it is our responsibilities incumbent upon us to take care of them before they are married and after they are married. Don't think the responsibility stops before they are married or after they are married. And that this type of things continues. And yet we don't look around us seeing how much Allah has honored women.  We forget. We prevent our daughters from getting educated. We prevent our daughters from doing all sorts of things so they could at least stand up on their two feet. I know of a case right now. Parents didn't let their daughter get educated. Daughter is in a very, very abusive relationship. Daughter, without the support of parents, because parents aren't okay with it, aren't okay with her leaving, is trying to get out, has gotten out. Inshallah, we'll have a better situation, but has no way to support herself. Because parents never let her get educated. They never let her do anything. And this is from a quote unquote religious family. Straight, straight. With wrong understandings, though clearly misunderstandings how religion is supposed to be applied. What is the Messenger, Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam's example? Allah says in the Qur'an that in the Messenger of Allah is the best example for us. He says, as we mentioned, the best of you are those who are best to their wives. And he was also kind to his children. The majority of his children were daughters, if we didn't realize that. And who was more close to him than Sayyidah Fatima Batulo Zahra, radiallahu anha, that the mother of all of the Ahlul Bayt, all of the Ahlul Bayt, of which are the cream of the cream of the cream of this ummah. All of them stem from the lineage of Sayyidah Fatima Batulo Zahra, radiallahu anha. And he said in the hadith, Fatima is part of me. Whoever hurts her hurts me. He would regularly visit her. He would regularly check in on her. He would regularly take care of her. So where is this idea that you're not supposed to take care and you're not supposed to protect once someone is gone from your household? And if the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not think this was important, he wouldn't stress this topic in his farewell sermon. He said in his farewell sermon, in his farewell pilgrimage, the full people, it is true that you have rights. You both have rights concerning your women, but they have rights over you. And he said, remember, that after you have taken them as your wives, you have taken them with Allah's trust and with His permission, I enjoin you to treat those women well and to be kind to them. This is his farewell sermon. He left, he had a few critical themes in his farewell sermon. Amongst the themes was this theme because you had a period of jahlia before this where people would treat women in the worst of ways. And you have reemerging jahlia happening in many parts of our Muslim communities where people will treat women in the worst of ways. So I repeat what the Messenger Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that he enjoined us to treat women well, to be kind to them, to be gentle with them. Imam Ali, he said, women are entrusted to men. He said, they are with you like the trust of Allah, so do not hurt them, do not make life difficult for them. And Imam Jafra Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, one of the characteristics of all the messengers of Allah, all the prophets, is that they were kind toward their wives. This kindness and this gentleness is at the essence of the way the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam treated women. We need to revive this back into our communities and if we know of situations where the opposite of this is happening, we need to go out and help them and say, what's going on with Allah? Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Allahumma salli wa sallim mubarak ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa ala ali wa sahbihi wa sallim Ya'i wa ladhi na'aminum Idhakhullah haqqat jukhati wa la tamutun Ya'i wa la tamutun The impact that this type of thing has, first and foremost, it leaves scars on your family, it leaves scars on your wife, it leaves scars on your children. And don't think that the children are not scarred when they see the type of behavior. And then it has major spiritual impacts. I'm talking next level spiritual impacts. The only person in the Quran who abused their wife was Firaun. So if you want to be like Firaun, okay, that's up to you. You can, Allah will deal with you. InshaAllah, like he's going to deal with Firaun. If you want to be like an abuser, you want to be a tyrant in your home, men are not supposed to be tyrants, men are supposed to be caretakers, men are supposed to be loving, men are supposed to be gentle. Look at the example of the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And if we have lived our lives in a different way, make Toba to Allah and work on changing this. The absolute worst type of people are those who pretend one thing and actually do another. If I really do not care how many outward sunnah somebody is practicing, what, and all these are important, having a beard, wearing your clothing up to your ankles, all these are very important.  That is the sunnah that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was trying to enjoin us to. And what is the proof of vile character being such a detrimental thing to us spiritually? You have a hadith where the companions came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and they said, Ya Rasulullah, this, we know of a woman, she's amazing. She prays all the time, she fasts all the time. She's very righteous, extra prayers, extra fasts, basically doing extra Nawafil, super-arrogatory actions, following those types of sunnahs, which are great.  What did the Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say? He said, there is no good in her, she is in the fire. Because of that, because of her tongue. He didn't say, yeah, there's some good, you know, 20%, no, he said, there's no good in her, she is in the fire. Because of this action that she had of being rude. Now tell me, who has more rights over us? Our spouses or our neighbors? Who has more rights over you?  If somebody was rude and spoke in a vile way to their neighbors and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, there is no good in them. Why would he say of us, when we do these type of actions, when we yell, when we scream, when we get intense, when we can't control ourselves, and when we dare lay a hand, there is no good in somebody who is acting in that way. We need to work on ourselves and we need to change. Allah, waskram, Allah in the Quran asks, what are those people going to say? There was a jahili practice of those who would bury their daughters alive. What are those people going to say? Wa idha ma'udati su'ila bi ayyidam bi khutila. That those who bury their daughters alive, what wrong did they commit? That practice, Alhamdulillah, is gone. But people in a figurative way are still burying their women alive. By not literally giving them any of their rights, by not protecting them physically, by not protecting them psychologically. So we need to fix this. What is the solution? The first and foremost is to honor, honor and elevate our women. Don't forget that paradise is at the foot, not of men, but of women. We know this is at the foot of our mothers. The first to accept Islam was a woman.  The one act of worship that you and I do, that Allah Himself did not enjoin to Ibrahim ﷺ, let's say in the Hajj, or to the Prophet ﷺ in the Hajj, following upon an example of a previous Prophet was an act of a woman. Sayyidah Hatija, radi allahu anha, that when she was running back and forth between Zafar and Marwah, to help her son, to try to find water, and Allah enjoined that action. And he loved it so much, the action of a woman, that he made it a critical part of our Umrah and of our Hajj. So who's gonna say that Allah doesn't honor women? And then how dare us not honor women if we have this misogynistic and backward attitude? The lineage of the Messenger ﷺ comes from women. So where on earth are we getting this attitude? For those of us who are engaged in this practice, a couple of things that we can do. First and foremost, sincerely, itdakwa Allah, haddakwa of Allah, fear Allah, fear Allah when you and I will stand before him on a day when he will take us to account for everything it is that we have done. Our hands will speak for us, our tongues will speak for us, you and I won't be able to speak for ourselves. Fear Allah when the hand says, yeah, this is what he did, this is what she did. Second is learn this deen properly, learn the importance of mercy and of inward work in this deen. Get rid of backwards cultural practices and misunderstandings that have polluted our minds from the correct application of the deen and work on if we are inclined towards anger, if we are inclined towards yelling, work on it. The Prophet ﷺ gave many cures for anger that if you are standing, sit, if you are sitting, lie down, say, I seek Allah, go and do wudu. You can seek anger management. There's a lot of stuff that we can seek but don't just keep living this life thinking that these types of things are okay. And lastly, for those that are being oppressed, inshaAllah we are angry with this, that seek help with Allah first and foremost. Allah says in the Quran, actually in surah al-Talaaf, the chapter on divorce, he says, so man yattaf illah yajallahu maqraja that whoever has taqwa of Allah, Allah will give them a way out, Allah will give them an exit strategy. Know where your lines are though in a relationship if you are being abused. And when that line is crossed, do not ever feel shy to leave a relationship. Don't let anybody tell you with whatever misconceptions that they have that you have to tolerate physical harm. That is not a part of this tradition. If you are being abused, there are resources in our community. Nisa, a shelter in this area, a North American Islamic shelter for the abused. I believe ma'am pa'a heran, whereas on the board of leadership for that group. If somebody needs that, go and seek those resources and we should help people who need this help. If somebody needs to seek a divorce, if your husband is not granting you a divorce, there's many ways to do it. You can go to a council of Islamic scholars and they can grant you what's called the pullah divorce through a specific process and then you can get separated. But don't fall into these misconceptions.  It's okay, it's okay. Being patient is like certain things that make sense, but you draw the line of where you need to draw the line. When it's crossing that line, patience is not in action. If you are sick, you have a disease, being patient is accepting Allah's decree, but it's still going to a doctor and still seeking help. In the same way, if you are being abused, if you are being hurt, if you are being hit, being patient doesn't just mean tolerating all of that. Being patient means not being angry with Allah and going and seeking help. Go and seek help and assist. Patience does not mean in action. Go and seek assistance. And lastly, remember that Allah is going to give a way out for those who are in this type of situation. Allah will assist the kids. Many times I hear this thing, no, no, what about the impact a split will have on the kids? All the studies show that kids who grow up in an abusive household perpetuate that abuse moving further. It's far better for the kids to see a clean situation split up and for them to grow up in that type of way than in an abusive, intense, anger-filled household. So don't, you can't fall into these misunderstandings. Let's revive our understanding. Let's gain this knowledge and let's try to act on it. And if we are in this situation, if we are doing this, let's repent to Allah. Let's ask Allah to guide us. If you know people who are doing this, speak to them, reprimand them, tell them how problematic this is. And if you know people who need help, help them. Because the Muslim is the one who helps those that are in need, who helps those that are being oppressed. So help those, help the oppressed by assisting them and help the tyrant or the oppressor in this situation, the one doing the harm, by calling them away from it and by stopping them. Allahumma alaykum to you. Salam ala nabiyyaya yuhalameena ammanu wa sallim alayhi wa sallim. Allahumma salli wa sallim. Barakah ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa ala ali wa sahbihi sallim. Allahumma fili mu'mineena al-mu'minaal. Wa ala muslimina al-muslima.  Ya Rabbi al-alameen, Ya Allah, any of the Muslims who are suffering in any part of the world, Ya Allah, that you can't have Sheba, that you can't have ease. Wa sallim alaykum, Barakah ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa ala ali wa sahbihi sallim. Alhamdulillah, Rabul'a Alameen. Waqf-e-Masala.


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