positive definiteness done, radian unboundedness done, easier tests done. Now we go to decrescence and this is the third property ok, a function is said to be decrescent again you see this local domain and all that mapping to real numbers, yeah this cannot change because the same function is what is being used for analysis of this stability analysis of the system. So, the domain range and image sets cannot change ok. So, for decrescence you require that the function is 0 at 0 again cannot change because no Lyapunov function is allowed to be nonzero at the equilibrium and we assume 0 to be the equilibrium ok for all time and there exists a class k function such that in absolute value this function v is dominated by the class k function ok, just digest it that you know it is in a mentioned in a slightly different way you have put in the absolute value here yeah we are not which means we are not restricting somehow the v from being negative ok. Earlier definitions like class k and so on more or less guarantee v is non negative because it is 0 at 0 and then it is dominating a class k function which is strictly increasing it means v can never be negative here somehow that is being allowed yeah. So, again of course it is for all time in R plus and x in Br these things are standard. So, the picture looks something like this when you draw the phi norm of x yeah you also draw the negative of that and your v has to lie between that this is what the picture looks like because I mean I am just translating this into this image right here ok alright. Now if you go back if we go back and look at which we did not use at class l function ok at a class l function and do you think we can actually instead of using a class k function there ok that is phi is class k do you think we can characterize this decrescence in terms of class l functions ok this is a question I want you to think about. So, I will put it as an exercise can you characterize decrescence using class l function yeah because there it is like because this is also somehow doing a upper bounding right instead of a lower bounding it seems like it is doing a upper bounding instead of a lower bounding right so the question is can you use class l function in some sense ok can you use class l functions to characterize decrescence functions ok this is a I want you to think about yeah alright ok let us look at some of the functions we already considered yeah this was one of the functions we considered yeah this is a function which is positive definite right because it dominates this which is a class k function right right. So, but does this is this a decrescent function is this a decrescent function can this be dominated by a class k function so the flip question right until now for positive definiteness you wanted this to be greater than some class k function in which it is because if t is non-negative then if t is non-negative then this is greater than equal to norm x square divided by 1 plus norm x square right and that is a class k function so great it is positive definite right or you can even verify positive definiteness we are the easier test the easy test right same deal no difference ok now for decrescence what do we need we need it to have some upper bound with some class k function ok so usually it is not very easy to claim something like this ok in the sense you it would be very hard pressed to prove that there does not exist or there exists a class k function ok which dominates this function not easy because you have to test every possible class k function right but look this is only one possible class k function with which we use we prove positive definiteness ok and so I am asking a simple question does there exist some are such that this happens ok it is rather obvious that this does not happen for any r right because if you choose give me any value of r I can push up time so that you know this this condition is violated yeah because this these condition have to hold for all time right you can see that this condition has to hold for all time right so I can always push up time such that for this particular choice of class k function things go wrong ok but now how can you guarantee that for every possible choice of class k function things will go wrong I have just shown that for one choice of class k function things do not work out but can I just categorize this as being not decrescent or how would you claim that this is not decrescent how would you claim that this is not a decrescent function I have shown that for one choice of phi x this kind of upper bounding will not work can you say the same for every possible choice of phi x yes no think about it so will this fail will this fail for this example for arbitrary phi x now not this specific choice because I cannot say that it did not work for one choice I made so it is not decrescent no that is not true there cannot if the negative of this is that there does not exist any phi x ok does not exist any phi x can you claim that this is indeed the case I am not giving you any structure of phi x or anything yes absolutely absolutely it is pretty straightforward right I mean think about it you give me any phi x yeah it does not matter what you give me you know give me this phi x or this phi x or this phi x or whatever I mean some kind of increasing function yeah you give me any phi x or phi norm of x yeah once you your problems begin and I am talking about now v being below this what do I want v has to be below this right but your problems begin once you freeze the x yeah once you freeze the x you are frozen here so for this guy you are frozen here here here wherever I do not care where you are frozen but my v this guy is not just a function of states in this case there is another x I mean another element that I can play with it is time right so this picture is not very representative whatever value of this guys you give me you your k k function is frozen that is it is a constant as good as a constant you gave me a constant it does not matter how big a constant you gave me I will choose my t to be really large because this has to hold for all t the left hand side has t right hand side has no t so I will bump up my t as much as I want because I can go all the way to infinity right and then this will fail my we will actually you know if this was for t equal to t1 I will make for this guy for v t2 same x for v t10 same x right I just bump up t and I will dominate there is no way any class k function will stand right why because the class k function by the nature of the definition is only a function of x once x is frozen the class k function evaluates to a constant however large this constant I have time still to play with on the left hand side and in this case it is an increasing function of time so this is where your class L should somehow think about you should think about whenever I have some increasing function of time here some strictly increasing function of time which is in fact going to infinity I have a problem you cannot claim that it is class sorry class sorry it is a you cannot claim decrescence in this case okay because this will always dominate any class k function no problem okay so absolutely correct delete this right okay is that clear okay this is not decrescent okay that is what I have said this is fine I mean does not matter I mean what I have said here the basic point is right hand side only function of x left hand side increasing function of time even if x is constant I am done you know this domination is not possible alright okay again decrescence connect to uniform stability alright suppose I flip this thing suppose I flip the example that is now it is not an increasing function of time but a decreasing function of time life is good why now it is definitely greater than equal to norm x square by 2 for all t because as t has to be greater than equal to 0 negative t's are not allowed he can so I cannot make this really large then all that okay so for non-negativity this is of course dominating norm x square by 2 sorry this is of course being dominated by norm x square by 2 right I am done okay decrescent now obviously it is not positive definite I hope you understand by the same argument if you give me any class k function to compare with I note that this is a decreasing function of time I will keep bumping up time and I will go below your class k function okay so this can never dominate any class k function therefore it is not positive definite okay so somehow one might get an impression that both seem mutually exclusive right if you have a positive definite function you did not get decrescence if you get got decrescence you did not get positive definite okay seems like there is some mutual exclusivity here which would but then that would mean that if you get stability you cannot get uniformity if you got uniformity you cannot get stability that seems a bit ridiculous right so are there functions which are both positive definite and decrescent because that is what we need for uniform stability right we said that decrescence is connected to uniformity positive definite does connected to stability so unless I have both positive definiteness and decrescence I cannot claim uniform stability so what are we saying there is no uniformly stable systems in the universe so can you tell me if there is a function which is both positive definite and decrescent how do you think we can get a function which is both positive definite and decrescent I gave you an example of positive definite I gave you an example of decrescent now I want both time bounded function yeah little bit more I will say I will say it is to be bounded on both sides okay it is a function that is bounded the time is corresponding to time bounded on both sides which is why I introduced this example earlier 1 plus sin square t by 2 x square norm x square so what do I know it is greater than equal to norm x square by 2 I already proved it for the purpose of positive definiteness because sin square is lower bounded by 1 but then this is also upper bounded by 2 right so there is both a lower bound greater than 0 lower bound by the way that is important you cannot have a equal to 0 lower bound or a less than 0 lower bound has to be a greater than 0 lower bound so the lower bound was 1 upper bound is 2 so the lower bound is this guy upper bound is this guy yeah both sides satisfied okay not so complicated actually yeah until you have the example seems complicated but not so complicated right it is both decrescent and positive definite has both the properties unfortunately we do not have any shorthand for decrescent we actually write it just like greater than 0 less than 0 unfortunately we do not have any shorthand here you have to actually write the decrescent okay so now this is a good function to have this lets you sort of evaluate both properties yeah okay if there was no such function very funny okay obvious just like we said that uniformity for time invariant system is free just like that if your v is purely a function of states then again uniformity is sort of free yeah nothing to no decrescence to evaluate it is decrescent and it is positive definite because there is no time argument in this itself okay so decrescence and positive definiteness anyway sorry decrescence is free yeah alright finally we have the property of semi-definiteness which is a very nice and weak property yeah again similar arguments 0 at 0 scalar value would continuous and it just has to be greater than 0 as a greater than equal to 0 as a function okay for all time for all x non-negative that is it so all the examples we considered they were all semi definite at least yeah T x1 square plus x2 square obviously this is the in fact positive definite also x1 square by 2 x1 square by 4 semi definite okay x1 plus x2 whole squared semi definite because as functions yeah so this is also gives you a big distinction between semi-definiteness and definiteness okay semi-definiteness is just a property of that function it is like how you when you are plotting these functions how you look at it it is above 0 below 0 that is it okay as a function it is positive or negative it is just so a non-negative valued function which is 0 at 0 is semi-definiteness okay but when you talk about positive definiteness and negative definiteness there is certain definiteness alright you are you are basically looking at rather special properties okay these are not just basic properties yeah again why why one might ask why we do not like these semi-definite functions okay look at look at this this again think about inverse of V all our analysis when we look at proofs and so on and so forth they rely on the inverse okay now if I talk about V inverse of 0 okay in a positive definite function when I say V inverse of 0 what comes to your mind 0 state 0 states but if I look at a semi-definite function V inverse of 0 is what straight line all possible infinitely many states again this guy again the y axis right all possible infinitely many states come to mind ridiculous right I mean the question is what is it that even I mean you cannot even like talk about an equilibrium in these scenarios right how do you even talk about equilibrium if you the V inverse 0 is not a single point then it is the V is irrelevant or useless for as far as Lyapunov theorems are concerned not to say they are useless in every context they are actually also methods which can let you conclude stability using just semi-definiteness type properties but not of V of V dot okay so those are basically what are these LaSalle invariance and Barbala and Slayma and things like that those are methods that let you talk about global or asymptotic stability then V dot is only semi-definite okay not V being semi-definite still tough again still not impossible you can do some analysis okay alright any questions so we have not gone to the proof of the Lyapunov theorem we are actually going to state them now but when you look at the proof all the proof for the Lyapunov theorem that based on V inverse taking the inverse of the V and looking at what you get which is why I made this picture yeah where I made this picture and said that you know if you take V inverse of this set you get exactly this set so this bounded set gives a bounded inverse but here this bounded set does not give a bounded inverse so that kind of problem okay they rely the proof rely on inverse of this one okay so what is the setup for the Lyapunov theorems nonlinear system function of time and state time from t0 to infinity usually t0 has to be greater than 0 greater than equal to 0 and states in a ball of radius r mapping to Rn is this function f it is a initial condition without loss of generality we assume that 0 is an isolated equilibrium okay f is assumed to be locally Lipschitz continuous this is for existence of unique solution we already spoke about this in the first class itself and finally we define the notion of lead derivatives okay or directional derivatives are nothing complicated what do you think of as V dot what comes naturally to you as the derivative of V is actually the directional derivative why we use this different notation and different sort of method of talking about it is because when you write a V for example I wrote some function V like this x1 square plus x2 square alright this is such a common function alright I can use this to analyze hundreds of dynamical systems okay hundreds of dynamical systems could possibly be analyzed by the same V okay so the V itself has no connection to any dynamical system V is just a function of some states not a function of nothing to do with any dynamical system but we want to study how V evolves along the solutions of a dynamical system okay so we take its derivatives along the trajectories of a particular system and when we identify this V with trajectories of a particular system what you compute as V dot is just partial of V with respect to time plus partial of V with respect to states times FTX is the LFV the lead derivative okay it is called the lead derivative okay it is the directional derivative of V okay so this is the notation but as far as you are concerned you are just computing V dot okay alright great if there is a nice c1 function V mapping time and states in a domain to real numbers such that for some R positives as that it is positive definite this much assumption the highlighted assumption if you have this highlighted assumption to be satisfied then this function V is already called a candidate Lyapunov function okay this is the term knowledge it is a candidate Lyapunov function if it is a c1 function of time and states and positive definite then it is a candidate Lyapunov function then in the sense of Lyapunov if V dot is negative semi definite origin is stable if V dot is negative semi definite and V is decrescent then origin is uniformly stable okay so these are the first two Lyapunov theorem very simple statements I have written them in a very simple way if you go to the textbook of course there is a little bit more buff in the you know statement itself because it writes a lot of things and so on writes the system and so on and so forth but the basic statement is pretty simple you take the V evaluate the V dot of course you verify that V is positive definite otherwise it is not even a candidate Lyapunov function right so that is clearly specified here okay if it is not this then it is not a candidate Lyapunov function you cannot use it for the Lyapunov theorem okay you can use it in other places we will talk about those examples later on but for candidate for Lyapunov stability theorems no this is essential okay and then we say that system is stable if the derivative of V the way we defined it is negative semi definite only semi definite is required and further if V was also decrescent then you have uniforms stability yeah you can already see the simplicity of this result once you have a V evaluating stability is just super easy of course it is not remember nothing is easy yeah having such a V is also it is something that you try to find yeah just because you took a random candidate Lyapunov function V and V dot turned out to be not negative semi definite does not mean your system is not stable it just means that you did not find a good enough V okay so this is only sufficiency condition as you can see not necessary condition yeah there is an existence necessary condition but that will not help you find the Lyapunov function okay so Lyapunov functions are constructed primarily by experience previous literature energy of the system gives you some motivation but it is still a hunt okay so this is one of the complaints most people have about nonlinear system but this is why I love nonlinear system because it is not just you know for everything I take X transpose PX and it works no it does not work you have to put some effort into constructing this E and more often than not it captures some fundamental property of the system okay just like energy of the system captures a fundamental property of the system okay so if you have a Lagrang system then energy remains constant so you know that V dot is if you take energy as your V then V dot is exactly zero therefore it is a stable system Lagrang system the stable system okay so this kind of a simple conclusion can be obtained all right


Kama kutawacha kumeni, ya, we remember for this. Ya, na chana kumeni wachekashu 14 years, ya. Ya, so this must pass. We must bring back our things and we're not being xenophobic. We're not being xenophobic in those in Saibu. We're not talking about this. We're telling them, guys, we are sick. We are tired. We are weak. We are trying to recover. Just give us, give us, give us what we're trying to recover. Say something to Superbad. Superbad, man chana, we are coming. Na wajahu wu kutawacha na. I will fight it. Wajahu wajahu wajahu wajahu wajahu wajahu wajahu wajahu. Any promoter, any promoter that are not to approach that in Atomina, ya kaha buna isiki. I love you like I'm not here, hapa. You are enemy. Na kuna wajahu wajahu apen, between now and April. Akabilite krespao, we load categories. I understand that Kenyans are mean, but the last performer must be Kenyans. Ya, but I don't know anything. But thank you, saama. We did this job, sa kresha. Thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no.


Alright, thanks for staying with us now. Life goes beyond shelter for food and also clothes, but security and safety is also very essential. So ensuring safety has always been of utmost importance in all ages and during all situations. One cannot deny the importance of safety because it helps people avoid danger and other life-threatening situations. On the other hand, safety can also allow people to take a certain level of risk in certain situations. Now, safety accounts for living a healthy life safely. The term safety refers to precautions taken by people with the aim to prevent accidents, dangers, harm, damage and loss. Safety also plays a key role in improving conditions in any atmosphere. Some argue that the unfortunate demise of Whitney, the 12-year-old Chris Lans school student that happened in February, was fate while others argue that it could have been avoided if safety was prioritized by all parties involved. So today we're discussing the business of safety in schools and that's the question, you know, or rather that's what we need to discuss around. So let's hear what you have to say. Remember you can join the conversation. Send us an SMS or WhatsApp to do it. 1-803-4663. You can also tweet at us at Weishaw, after one hashtag Weishaw. Alright, so this conversation, I really don't know because I remember that when the issue of the Chris Lans school, the younger Whitney, when it happened, I kept on saying, where were these people? Because in my head, I have been to that particular stadium. Because we've had several inter-houseports from my own children's school when they were in primary school because it's one of the, you know, it's quite decent for a small school to have their inter-houseports, right? I kept on wondering, first of all, what happened and, you know, where were the people and all of that? And again, if you had listened to the, listened to the recount of the mother when she was explaining how, you know, it was almost like... There was a long time between even telling how it was happening. There was just everything, you know, even getting the child there. Eventually they didn't even get the child to the hospital and all that. I knew there was a very huge, what's it called, huge evidence that negligence was heavily present in that. But now the corona inquest has come out to say that really she was electrocuted and all of that. And of course, if the government has charged Chris Land for months later. All right, so let me hear your thoughts, first of all. What do you think? I think they could have... Sorry, go ahead, quickly. I think they could have done better considering previous events that have happened in the same school. I think they should take more precautions because I think if you have a school and you're losing students, it's not that students are getting injured on cases, like cases upon cases. It's not good for your reputation. The other students in the school are also going to be scarred by some of these things. You know, people would want to withdraw. So as an institution, you have to understand that you're taking charge of young lives, and children can be very mischievous.  So you need to have your eyes on them. If not, you keep having certain things like this happen. And the loss of a student, the loss of a life is nothing to be played with at all. At all. So Uti, manslaughter, reckless and negligent act, you know, that's what the Lagos State Government has charged Chris Lanskoe. And they said if they have found guilty, they would, of the offences, if found guilty, the offences carry a penalty of life imprisonment and two-year jail terms respectively. Those two crimes. What are your thoughts on this? Well, this... Contramacacy is the best way to define this first and foremost. It's sad that a life was lost. And even sadder still that it's a child. So a complete future has been snuffed out. But when we come to the story, I think that the recurring thing that we have seen, Chris Lanskoe, this incident is not the first. It is one of many that we have seen with several schools in Lagos that have resulted in the traumatic death of children. And for me, the first thing that stands out is the story becomes almost a he-said-she-said. The school is claiming one thing happened, the evidence shows and something else happens. That for me first is one thing that must stop. When parents send their children to school, there is a measure of trust that has been placed in that organization as being suitable not just to educate the child, but to keep the child safe when the child is in their custody. So the fact that these are the institutions that are educating our children that cannot display a level of integrity that we would expect from the same children that they're supposed to be educating, forget even adults, right? It's very, very, very sad and disappointing in the first place. The second thing is you would think that the schools have learned by now that you're able to come out and give a story that makes sense. How do we get from slumped and died to electrocution and expesiation? Like how do we get there, right? How is it possible that a child, so I don't know, I haven't read anything to the effect that it's been established how the child was electrocuted. If you've ever seen someone be electrocuted, it's not something that somebody misses, right? If you come into contact with the live wire and electricity, you can't miss it and to then just simply say that the child slumped and died, I have a problem with that. Now, you mentioned knowing the venue that the event, the sporting event was happening at. Again, the question that raises for me is should schools, because schools should have their own sporting facilities on site, that should be the case. When facilities are properly built for purpose, then they're supposed to have those facilities on site. But let's even say that, okay, we don't have these facilities on site. What checks are put in place and what measures, what is the minimum standard for a facility that you're using for a purpose like this? What are the checks? Who signs off on who can use it? Can I simply say, oh, there's an open field so I want to go and use it? Are there standards in place that says this is what we can do? For me, as I run through the whole incident, there's so many questions and very little answers. I don't know when you were talking about the court case. If you charge the whole school to manslaughter, what happens if you find the school guilty? Is it the entire teachers and student faculty that goes to prison? Has somebody been held responsible? So even on that side, it still sounds like there are gaps because I don't believe you can charge. That's the whole point of having corporate bodies is to protect the community. That's why we have a lawyer and a child safety person. Because that question really, it's actually what next, what happens, right? So Tawakilami is a social development lawyer, co-founder, power parenting company. Parents' rights to social protection, advocate and publisher. Akilami is arguably Africa's foremost child protection thinker and practitioner. His unique philosophy and techniques on family strengthening, child protection and related matters have been well received in over 133 countries. Akilami is also a prolific writer, poet and a blogger. And he's joined in live from the U.S. Thank you so much, Tawakilami, for joining the conversation. Thank you for having me. It's my pleasure to be with you today. I mean, it's really... I've been listening to the contributions from all of you. Yeah, because again, I'm so happy that we are still with you on this matter. You know, we're happy to be with you on this matter because again, remember when we talked about it, we kept on saying that we'll keep following the conversation and we're happy that you are here to fill us in on what is happening. Uti raised some questions, right? Because again, four people, how did they come at that four people? How did they identify the four people that they are charging with manslaughter? And generally, what's your general assessment on the... Because at first, we had accused the Lagos State Government that this was political season. That was why they took up the case seriously, but you see that they are following it through. So what's your general assessment on this case of the death of Whitney? How did you know? Well, my first thinking is that, up to today, the matter is still as politicized as everything. And when you deal with politicization, what happens is that you cover up the issues. The issues are not addressed. Once the issues are not addressed, we cannot vouch that what has happened to Whitney will not happen to another child. Because you see, there are fundamental ways to look at this thing. I've been in the middle of this thing. I've reviewed a brief file before the table. Please let me give correct some impression. As of today, the Lagos State Government released a document that says that the child died of electrocution according to the Corona Inquest. No, not Corona Inquest. Autopsy report. Now, the Autopsy report is a document that is supposed to go before the Corona Inquest. Now, the Corona Inquest has just started sitting. They've only had one sitting, which was on March 6. Many times, they have sat. If you look at the Corona Inquest, this abuse or Romani's case. Romani's case, Corona Inquest started sitting in January 2021. They just finished taking evidence on March 6, the same day that Whitney's Corona Inquest started. And on that day, they now made an order to proceed to the venue where that abuse happened. Now, that is the Corona Inquest case is proceeding to the venue of the supposed crime two years after the crime has happened. That is what is happening in that case. Put that on one leg. So, what is happening right now is that the Corona Inquest is sitting. It has just started sitting. I think this case has been messed up. Lumped up. Now, to the general public, it makes sense what is going on. The school know that these things are done. We are worried. And this is why I am worried. Now, in the first instance, for you to prevent death in school, there must be regulations. The question to ask is that, what are the regulations of government? Whether in legal state or at the federal level or starting a school, putting a school in place. What are the things you must not do without? That you don't have those things you can set up in school. There is no way to be found. You will find something that looks like it. What are these safety requirements of starting a school in Nigeria? I am saying this on the national TV. People have it to come and show us and how it has been implemented. Schools do. Most schools do what they deem fit. Where do you have it in the world? That for you to run an organization where you are going to be receiving children, it is subject to the wins and caprices of the people running the school. It is not done anywhere. You can run an airline business and you say, safety is according to what I see. I service my airline once in a year. That's how I see it. That's number one problem. Number two, if whatever reason it ties in a school, which you don't prefer, what is the protocol of intervention and the level of regulatory bodies? Government is a regulatory body. What is the protocol of intervention? Nobody can show us the protocol of intervention. The normal thing we do to play to the guy is to show down the school. Which is not the way forward. It's not the solution. Number three, now we have a case where a corona inquiry was settled. Now, you see how Tulsi Lipoda was released? It was not supposed to be released to the public. It was a document before the corona inquiry. Because the reason why I am saying all of these things is that when things are not properly done a process is tampered with. It cannot deliver anything good. And you see, because the judge is going to sit in that corona inquest. It's a human being. It goes to the market. It hears news. He hears everything. Now that corona, that Tulsi Lipoda was supposed to be a document before the corona inquest. When that document goes before the corona inquest, the one who made the Tulsi report, the one who wrote it, who did the examination, will be in the witness box. It will be examined by the lawyers. By the lawyers of the government. They were examining him. For him to establish the authenticity of that particular document. The lawyers of Chris Land will cross examine him. If for whatever reason, there is a problem with that Tulsi. The judge will re-order it. As in cases where corona inquest has been re-ordered. Sorry, where the Tulsi report has been re-ordered. Because the court did not have confidence in the Tulsi report. But what did the legal state government do? Because it was close to election. What they did was to release that document. Now I'm not persecuting the legal state government. Maybe they don't even know better. I don't know. The Tulsi report. That Tulsi report was not conclusive. It was a document that says that this child died of electrocution. You know the purpose of inquest, corona inquest is to establish the cause and circumstances of death. Now, Tulsi report speaks to one thing. Likely cause of death, electrocution. According to the Tulsi report, that in itself is supposed to go before the inquiry for interrogation. But it was released to the public and it became something in the news. That's one leg. Number two leg is the issue of this charge to court or no charge to court.  So she's been charged and two other people and the vendor who had the vending machine that is the machine that allegedly caused the electrocution four of them have been charged for gross negligence in volunteer of that. Now before the court, please note a charge does not signify guilt everybody charged to court is innocent of the proven guilty that's why they need to go to court and establish all of that. So I'm still at where I am when I came to this program the other time. It is the fact that it is too early in the day to make some conclusions because at the end of the day one thing we need to know I need to know is that the way this matter has been handled press will win parents of the child or everybody observing may be happy and it is understandable the parents are seeing that some moves are being made but the way it has been politicized has affected the process once the process is affected what is going to come out of it is ticing and what is going to happen is that everybody is going to go to bed we wait for that child to die let me quickly say this to you ladies every society must learn from what has happened this traffic light you are looking at today traffic light that invasion is as a result of a problem that somebody felt people cannot die in a city like this let's create traffic light to begin to guide the way people do things now what you call today a bus a school bus dropped children and a car came and rammed into them and killed one or two of them from that day the government made laws that as from today in that particular state if you see any school bus parked no car was moved in a particular state and robbers attacked a particular bank they attacked the bank and they killed people and at that time the law in that state no police officer must carry assault rifle on the basis of that incident that took the life nobody died in that incident but police fought to the end and they amended their law to say that now police can carry assault rifle now that they see what is going on finally you see laws being named after people in developed country is it if we investigate this matter very well it's not a bad idea where we have a law named after Sivesta or Romani law on safety of school but you see the way the things have been politicized the misinformation that has been spread in the public is causing a lot of trouble and I bet you that at the end of the day we may not get to the root of this matter because once the politics has gone down swimming in has taken place and you see the court or Romani they have been caught for two years the matter has not ended this matter also is going to be caught now some people may go to jail it's a possibility some people may be set free but the question is what is the procedure for starting a school what are the safety measures that you cannot start a school without where are they number one, number two if for whatever reason an accident happens what is the procedure for response clearly stated which website can we find it at the federal level which website can we find it is it at the local government level where can we find it number three, what is the procedure for reporting matters like this because again if we have a minister of information in legal state and strategy what minister of information at the federal level when matters like this happen or we have a national mobilization national orientation agency how is the press guided what is the proper protocol to report the situation don't spin misinformation those are the three fundamental issues ok you know what Tywa let's quickly go on a very short break when we come back from the break I'm sure Uti and Mary have questions stay with us we'll be right back alright so if you just tuned in we're discussing the business of safety in schools with Tywa Killami and remember you can join the conversation send us an SMS or at<PHONE_NUMBER> you can also tweet others at weishoafqa1.hashtag weisho Uti I want to come to you because Tywa really raised some very strong points around templates around protocols of intervention around reporting procedure and remember I mean I know that when schools when you're driving around school school where there are schools in school areas in the US you must you know you see that you wait until they finish once the boss that their flap comes out everybody stops you know there's a speed limit there's a lot of things that have been put in place Uti you want to come in yeah I mean our guest has raised some fantastic points so far like I was trying to say in the initial my initial contribution these cases continue to raise a lot of questions and I would like to understand more from our guest when he talked about the fact that it's been two years you know when something doesn't directly impact you it's easy to lose track of time when I hear that it's been two years I'm actually quite shocked that that much time has gone past and I want to understand why it's taking so long because this is a consistent every time we talk about whether it's gender based violence rape assault a consistent thread feedback that we keep getting is that it takes too long families give up along the way justice is circumvented nothing really happens and I think that's what our guest means when he will say that the media will be pleased because they make all the noise and razzmatazz and then we all move on do you remember how much Sylvester's story was in the news and here we are now and we're hearing that this is how long it's been to actually get into this process because surely the judiciary can be much more efficient how are you there? I think that the problem is deeper than that societies invest in what matters to them I don't think children really matters you know in Nigeria and Africa to a very large extent you know the nations of the future focus on children nations of the future is all that they have if I'm going to think about it tomorrow you cannot dream it tomorrow or drop it tomorrow without children because the way to end this world today is to obitrate the other idea of having children while we stop having children people will start dying of nobody to bury them and this will become extinct so as long as we are looking for a better future how do we invest in that future? is there anything too much to invest in the safety of our children? you are talking about Whitney and Daniel because she made it to the news she died in the highbrow school whatever many other children who died just today today, today, 31st of March Thugs went into his queen's bathroom they beat children beat them up mercilessly, beat teachers headsmen just today in Lagos in Salem children caught second-year school caught clashed, macheted people were injured and all of that just today, 31st of March so the question is because those ones the people in Ibadon they are in a public school they don't make it to the mainstream it's not newsworthy Christian is a big fish so it makes news it's a highbrow school what about other places where children have died that never made the news we never heard about it Whitney is a metaphor it's a clear indication that we need to understand how does safety work so in a Romanian case for example we are this mother that I let to know that we are beat in court every time the court has sat in a Romanian case the first lady sitting in Ekbe before they went to Ekete one of the issues we are facing in the Romanian case is the judge magistrate finding where to sit we were on that for a while the court in which the judge wanted to sit is being used by another person so the judge needed to wait and all of that after all of those bureaucratic bottlenecks and all of that the court came to a point now so let me ask you a question if you are not a lawyer you watch American films have you ever seen when a crime happens where the court don't know the place so that nobody will tamper with the the setting of the place is it not curious to you that corona inquest is just going to visit the site where this boy was allegedly bullied 2 years after they took that decision on the 6th of March after everybody has assumed they painted everything maybe they have already arranged the place that's why you want to go and do corona inquest what are you inquesting I don't even know what these people think we are you know you now go to a crime scene now at the gay stadium where allegedly allegedly allegedly electrocuted is the place called on doth have they not even had events after that time the processes and procedures through which they have made people into that place have they done that see let me tell you something Nigeria when it comes to children it's a huge suit of jokes of course we are just deceiving ourselves and the truth of the matter is that in the life of this child really matters this is not how to handle it at the gay stadium is then in all of this conversation we are having I call somebody in government what is happening to the stadium the place at the gay stadium host other children is not only christland the host what do you have as ministry of youth ministry of youth and social development is in charge of stadium because it's in charge of sports now that ministry now what is the when they know as officers of government as line ministry as a degrading body that children do go there for in transport what measures do they put in place to ensure that the place is safe for children and Taiwo I was going to ask that why are they not on this list of the people that have been charged for manslaughter because again they also have a responsibility they were supposed to ensure that whoever it is that they have approved to come into the facility to use the facility brought in things that are safe for children knowing that it was a children's event so why are they not on that list they themselves they were going to receive children in law there's something called occupier's liability when you admit people into your property you have you have received an automatic liability to ensure that they are protected now so and the idea of holding in transport in that stadium is not new it's not fresh outcome there is no conversation going on as to what is going to happen now when people go to court now today you have Chrisland in court you have Lagos State government in court in the corona inquest who do you have in court you have Chrisland in court you have Lagos State government in court who is trying to establish the case of the Lagos State government in the case of Whitney in court who are observing the proceedings to make sure that justice is done then you have the vendor in court there's not a good stadium in court a good stadium is not an issue meanwhile this thing that we are talking about happened on the soil of a good stadium so who dropped the ball who neglected that critical part of the conversation or stakeholders so you want to tell me that this process is going to bring out anything to that place to have entire sport when this one is going to teach us anything to say okay this is the conditions that we are going to have in entire sport these are the conditions that we can exist these are the things you need to put in place is there no we as a today be thinking about the Whitney and Denny Rolls law shouldn't we as a today be thinking about the Sylvester Romanians law that is going to crystallize all the issues that are wrong that were found in Denny Rolls Whitney's case and we say okay these are the lessons that we have learned and these are the lessons that we have assured that children are going to like let me announce to you and this is a very sad announcement with the way we are in two months in Nigeria we cannot guarantee the safety of our children except for organizations who take it upon themselves to do the needful who take it upon themselves for conscience sake who take it upon themselves for dignity sake who take it upon themselves for the love of children let me quickly say to you that when a law is made people don't respect the law you don't put a law in place and hope that people will respect it and hope on the good will of the people you put the law in place and you put sanction now the question is when you when you say there are institutions that are supposed to accommodate children parents take their children there is it not sad that there are no protocols is it not sad there are no clear way by which you can judge whether a school has done the right thing or it has not done the right thing except schools that decide to do the needful to do the right thing so that is the issue we are dealing with until we overcome that issue until we come to such a place where parents are asking the right question and this is the illustration for me I don't know if I have time to bring that illustration when I was growing up I went to public school in my life public school parents public school, secondary school public school, university I went to legal state university my school fees was $19 now when I was growing up that we were going to public school government was playing two roles in schools government was funding school government was also government was funding schools government was also running its own school now as time went on government could not cope we don't like the idea of running school so we began to have people who cannot go to school because there is not enough school private sector with its ingenuity came in and began to establish private schools is that not so so public school the debt of public school the inability of public schools to satisfy the educational yearning of the people led to the idea of private school which means that the government failed in one of its responsibilities which is to create enough school for children to go to because Nigeria is one of the few countries where private school is an alternative to public school you don't find it anywhere else anywhere else and I was going to even speak to what Uti said sorry Taiwaki Lamu let me conclude so the conclusion therefore is that if they are failed in running school they are still holding on to one which is regulation so the way you do one thing is the way you do everything if you are failed in running your own school that will not lead the responsibility of regulation to you and this is because you are failed in running school that's why we took a children to private school the bottom line therefore is that regulation is in the hands of parents parents that will schools accountable you can't be depending on government to regulate when they are failed woefully in one leg of their responsibility it is as a matter of fact since you know that they are like that you are a man you want to rip when you have no sense since you know why didn't you take my money to the U.S. since we now know by registered in private school what we need to do is to now begin to become the regulator but who will have a student school please where is your transportation system codified into a policy broken down into processes oh we are in townspeople ok please show me I am a parent I want to see your security risk analysis I want to see everything you are putting in place to be sure that all of my children are safe if I don't see that risk analysis if I don't see everything you are putting in place where is your ambulance hello are you driving the ambulance tomorrow ok when I am sure I release my children if I am not sure son please your life is more important than in townspeople you are fine we will take you somewhere to go and do sport when you are safe that's how we should be doing stuff absolutely it's important because again when Uti was talking about purpose built schools the reason we don't have purpose built schools is because the government failed most of the government schools were actually you know structured in a way that they have the big fields they have everything but private schools are then renting 3 bedroom apartment 4 bedroom apartment to start schools so I mean there is no way it's a big problem and I like what you said we are now the regulatory bodies we don't have to wait for the government anymore let's take comments ok I have a comment from which says good evening my dear beautiful sisters of what are you saying Waze the business of safety in schools every teacher in a school should be held responsible for whatever happens to a child if someone had put an eye on late with Nia De Nirom Crescent schools and her parents wouldn't have lost her by now the negligence of teachers if a teacher lives home in the morning to a school he or she must put into consideration the well-being of a child or children it is very key your guest made mention of not setting up a school or establishment when facilities are not made available which I agree it is well with also my name is Daniel Illo Waze regular fan so can we wrap up in one minute Tywo like 30 seconds well these conversations it continues it is something we need to continue to talk about what I am going to say is that what I want to leave everyone is that you need to hold government accountable but why we are trying to hold government accountable the same way the PSN is not working you got generator the same way Vigilante is not working you got private security the same way you have created a tannity in different areas of our lives the same way you need to become the regulated body in sin to eat that schools are safe for your children absolutely thank you so much on that note thank you ladies thank you Uti, thank you Mary I think we are going to keep the conversation going it is very important I mean it is a lot parents need to wake up honestly because we have to protect our children now before we go I am sure you follow us across all our social media handles at Weshaw Africa you can interact with us further drop a comment and more importantly follow all our engagements on social media like share and invite your families and friends to watch and follow the conversation if you missed our quote for today here it is again the safety of the people shall be the highest law it is as simple as that we will see you live on Monday as we bring another great conversation to your screen


Trini girl natural Hi, everyone. Welcome to my channel. Yay, my favorite products of 2020 I'm adding the Jessica's milkshake to my leaving issue list this year I don't think I have a first in terms of favorite leave-ins I think they're all sister-wise because they're all good, but they all do slightly different things There's just because leaving you guys know like the moist choice and saying you guys saw my wash and go with this I'm wearing it right now as a matter of fact as well This is super moisturizing great slip great definition It says hydrating milkshake and the instructions kind of say like it's a hair milk But this one's great for me as a leave-in She said the hair milks are pretty much generally good leave-ins because they're also really conditioning She doesn't do a lot of butter. So her hair mills are just basically Extra rich and creamy conditioning leave-ins for me. I haven't tried a leave-in in this line yet I'm still trying to get to it, but this is actually my second, but what the milkshake and I love it I mentioned in the review. This is a leave-in that feels like a deep conditioner This is my most moisturizing HD leave-in for sure and it does the slip and definition part of my Leaving requirements as well. I want to mention this Pomegranate NPM moisture milk as well. Again This is just super moisturizing great slip smells great great definition and everything this I can use as a deep condition in no cap and This I could use as a rinse-out conditioner. These are so moisturizing and I have my in assi aloha biscuits leave-in I might be a cruel beauty honey latte hair milk So of course all of these are moisturizing this I love because it's like moisturizing, but light and great slip I'm great definition this I love because it's moisturizing even lighter Great slip and great definition like this is kind of unique in terms of how light my hair is my hair is just Floating to the sky. This one my hair is not quite as light almost as light I'm still lighter than the she sent it once I mentioned I think they're all about pretty even for slip and of course the Sultanika's frizz was leaving Let me count the ways the moisture to definition the slip is there I think it's gonna even have the best slip of all my HD leave-ins. This one feels like it has a slight amount of hold Which I like I guess if I had to do like a leave-in only wash and go out probably use this I like that you could probably use it for like twisting other stuff, too If you're looking for like a leave-in that could almost be a styler or that could be a styling for some respect on it If you're looking for a leave-in that could be a styler. This is it not being as heavy as the she sent it once But heavier than the in assi and the back hair beauty So it's kind of amazing that I'm actually putting she sent it as the heaviest in anything because you guys know if you are She sent it long time that that wasn't the case at all their stuff used to be super light But like in the recent years they've like added a lot of richer kind of creamier more moisturizing heavier products So if you use the thing that she said didn't have enough moisture You're sleeping you're missing definitely get on it because everything that she bought on the last two years has lots of moisture Rich and creamy and I think everybody would love it So if the cocoa leave-in and the other lighter initial evens won't your thing or even in the rich moist I feel like to cost you but Even the rich moist somehow wasn't your thing Definitely give she said it another look cuz her new products are definitely richer and creamier I like the scent of all of these the in assi scent is pretty light I think it's had a nice light sweet scent as well. The Sultanic Hills frizz was This has a nice fruity scent as well It is more in the foodie range I guess than any of the others made me think yum And this is the main reason I wanted to get Sultanic Hills because this is kind of finishing But given how much product I have and this is still a lot I can get to 20 21 without buying, but I will die I will feel so bereft if I actually run out So I am kind of watching Sultanic Hills and then she hit us with like a 40% off sale this black Friday or 45 something I love you. I know but it was less than I was hoping So if she gives me a 50% sale during the year, I'm definitely gonna get this if it's less than 50% Maybe I can wait until black Friday and then try to get it if you Sultanic Hills frizz hours will give other people a chance to get something I'll try I think I still drop the ball in the Sultanic Hills sale because I was like, yeah ready I already have everything up, but when it like came to 12 midnight like I had everything up in terms of the page I couldn't add to cart yet for the new products. So I thought I had everything up I didn't have one thing up. So I went to look for it and just started looking for it I got it to my cart. I click check out a 1204 sold out these Sultanic Hills Stands make it really hard for the rest of us who just want to be able to shop five minutes after the start of the sale I don't think that's unreasonable five minutes, but I'll try this Camero's honey hydrate So this is just a moisture that keeps on going. So like it's just a lot of honey Like for me, this is like a perpetual motion machine in terms of moisture Basically, if I use this my hair is moisturized forever Until I wash it out. Like if I never wash my hair again, my hair probably stay moisturized That's what makes this Camero's natural honey hydrate leave in special Mind-blowing. This is one of those mind-blowing products. Like I mentioned, I have about 20 I guess 10 to 20 This is one of them. I don't have a lot. So when I mentioned that put a little stab by this That means it's special. Onto like creams and butters. I have two products that I'm being sold anymore That's not my fault. Ujjoui actually sent me this at the beginning of the year And then they revamped that whole line again. Like why? Why are you making this so hard for me? But I wanted to mention this just because I think Ujjoui did it and they can definitely do it again This souffle was everything. I mean, I don't use a lot of cream So I can't tell you what's the best cream out there, but I can tell you What's the best cream? Like this is a 10 regardless of what other times they are out in the world This is a 10 and I'm just mentioning it because it deserves to be on this list even just at least once Even though like I said, they revamped their line and they're not selling it anymore Hopefully probably eventually I'm gonna tap them on this because they're just playing with my heart right now But hopefully eventually they'll have another twisting souffle and you guys can get on it because they know how to do that My hair was moisturized my hair was shiny my hair was defined my hair had great hold So this was the business and if you guys use any twisting product that's moisturizing and has hold Let me know and has great slip and just a dream. Let me know cuz yeah, this was amazing the other The other Amazing cream for me was this basket bloom kitties and curls here moisturizer And also, this is not being sold anymore, but you guys just give me the braille of my life It doesn't have whole it's not heavy But somehow it held my hair like it doesn't feel like it has hold like it feels kind of light But the moisture was there the shine was there the whole was there.  I Just wanted the world to know I just wanted there to be a record somewhere. I love these okay, so I do want to probably try more I don't even know how many new ones I have or what I have in terms of creams But I'll see what I have that you guys haven't seen and that is still being sold and try to do a couple more braid-out videos in 2021 so that I can really have a category most of my history creams are using them as Seas in my LCO back when I was using seas now. I just do L. O. Basically So talking about LCO another new category for me is oils So I was kind of hesitant to do oil just because I love pretty much every oil I ever tried but I want to try three oils. So like does it qualify me? I don't know but I can tell you for sure these oils are tense like I said I don't know what other terms are out there. That's the basket blooms stimulating a little oil and the okra Hairy-Pairs cap stimulating growth oil. These oils are like thick but not too thick and Moisturizing like it's insane when the oil is moisturizing. This one is infused with okra It's when it's infused with aloe and they're both just super moisturizing as well So I don't really plan to buy oils. These oils are trying to tear me out and make me into an oil buyer I usually just kind of mix my DIY oil mix which I'm happy with but which doesn't have like any infused moisture like aloe or okra Which I could probably do if I'm not being lazy But I guess it's not something I can need me because I can get moisture from other things But it's something that I love love when I'm using these oils and they have the moisture So if you're using any kind of store bought oil It's not moisturizing get your life and get one of these because you're missing out Of course, both of them have a bit of Ayurveda and stuff also This one has like some neem and this one has like some amla and stuff So it's not just the basic oils. So I do feel there's been a war on oils lately with like Black girl curls don't come for me But yeah, I don't think there's any problem using oils and actually using oils help my hair I don't think using oils is a problem It's just symptoms like how much she use and how often you use people who are putting oil in their hair every day Like that's why I have a problem But if you're putting a little bit of oil in your hair on wash day and we shampoo regularly Like it's gonna be all good at least for me Like I want to do a separate video on this whole oil Gate that has been happening in the last couple years in the natural hair community But let's just say in this video I love oils and I love these oils and I use them Appropriately and sparingly and it works really well on to my gels or basically my customs because they're all Customs don't really use gels that often. I think these two are like my least favorite in the list the caviar the pure HD high definition gel and Uncle funky curly magic hairs to me later, but there's still a cheese for me anything as long as it's moisturizing No crunch defining great slip You're gonna be a HD for me in terms of custard point-blank period because they really just add that many that fit that bill as Low as that bar is that's all you need moisture definition hold and slip You'll be on my HD list if you can manage to give me those and all of these give me those It's when I love like the are you there and stuff and it definitely gives me moisture and everything It just isn't like crazy moisturizing I guess definitely moisturizing But isn't as crazy moisturizing as some of the others and this one I want to say almost kind of works too good in the sense that it really holds my hair I like to get my hair like I like day three. I like volume and stuff and this one Just kind of keeps my hair day one late, which is crazy. Why is that a problem? I just like my hair to transition in the week and I guess this one just I call it the vampire gel because my hair Just stays late for the whole week just stays like kind of flat But she's in a problem for most people so but that's one of my little beats for this And then my second beat for this is I find like it can kind of make your scalp Gunky I can kind of build up on your scalp. I guess that's why these two are like Slight way down. I guess maybe eight and a half all the time whereas the others are nines I'm gonna have to give it to come your rose.  I love you like that streams that goes to me like big voluminous definition So I love this. I love the moisture. This is like the most moisturizing of all the gels or custard here This is moisture for days. This is moisture forever. This is moisture and I love it This is just like a seven special put a star mind blown. This is mind blown in terms of gels I'm not probably say kinky curly curling caster a little goes a long way So I love that about this and it's also like moisturizing after Come your rose in terms of moisturizing would be kinky curly and basket bloom basket bloom It's more of a like light natural definition But my hair is just so defined like it's my curls are tight But it's like defined it's like light and it's like moisturize and it's like volume and it's just love like I totally love I was gonna buy it this year, but I wasn't able to get basket bloom this year I do want to try her moose and I do want to try the twilly hair gel The sale just wasn't quite enough for me to get it and my new additions to this list Which is like big news for me because I haven't really added to this list since basket bloom came out with their twilly hair gel It's that she sent a plum nectar and I gave custard and she sent it to eddy curl custard So I finished the plum nectar and I gave and I didn't get this yet trying to be good I kind of have to choose I didn't want to buy too much. So I got the Tahiti cocktail I got a restock on the Tahiti cocktail But I love both of them This Tahiti cocktail just one out for me in terms of choosing it for the restock because it has like more exciting ingredients in terms of Like the ginger and everything the plum nectar and I gave does have PVP this one doesn't have any PVP This one is pretty much all natural. So that's why this one kind of one out for me in terms of just buying But in terms of like performance both of them perform really well you guys saw the visual my hair is like equally defined and Equally amazing with both of them. They both apply amazing both give me great moisture Both of them are on my HD list. Yay new HDs. So this is definitely like a good 9 out of 10 Even the Camille Rose I still want to probably give it a 9 out of 10 I don't know because I had to give it more. It's just like crazy Moisturizing but this is moisturizing too. I don't really need my moisture to last for a month But if that was a category and a requirement then I guess the Camille Rose would have the edge for that But other than that, like this is just as moisturizing as the kinky clearly and the basket bloom and like all the other ones and last but not At least I guess my sultanicals here. So really not delicious. King Trink Other hair sprays have kind of come and gone. I used to like the Jane Carter revitalizing leave-in conditioner But the ingredients changed so we pretty much left with the sultanicals here Sarah Which is like the best the only the singular here spreads for me So it gives me moisture. It refreshes my curls fights frizz It's really light so it's easy to spray onto a wash and go and stuff without having wet spots or pretty much any issue It comes out as a mist smells great just pretty much all pros So this is like my favorite leave-in spray if you're looking for a leave-in spray Especially as a wash and go girl or for whatever reason you might want like a light leave-in spray I haven't tried it as a leave-in or anything. So I can't really talk about slip instructions Pretty much said to kind of applied before like twisting and breathing maybe like as a leave-in But for me, this is a refresher spray. It's my HD fresh spray and that's how I'm gonna use it I'm not really a leave-in spray kind of girl. As you guys know from like my previous videos I think my caravada video prove that point I need more slip and just more joy than most leave-in sprays how but I love like a Refresher spray to kind of refresh my wash and go maybe midweek or something and most times I do use like a DIY spray, but every now and then I want to be fancy or I just want to top it with like something that is Gonna reduce frizz and kind of reseal my cuticle. This is great for that I just love to give it a little mist and have a do it's magic on my hair My hair looks like shiny moisturize feels great smells great everything and that's it So thank you guys for watching my 2020 best of 2020 natural hair products list from shampoo to Refresher spray glad I was able to bring this to you. Let me know if you guys use any of these products or watch your favorite products from these brands I'll watch your very products 2020 are let's chat. What's the best of the best down below? See you in the next one Bye


And I think, if we're going to tie in the autistic piece to this, which I think is the important component for this podcast, is the association and reliance upon something to feel a different way. Because so often, autistic people, like ourselves, are struggling with our nervous system or our anxiety, or sensory overload, or being able to feel social, or feeling connected, or feeling too tired, or whatever we are feeling on a magnified level, and reaching for something that can quickly soothe how we're feeling or help us feel social in the moment or able to unmask in the moment because you've had a few drinks and now you feel more comfortable. That's why this stuff can get out of hand so quickly and become problematic so quickly. And I'm a firm believer that addiction is the opposite of connection, that the more connection we have, the more security we have, the more healthy relationships that we have, the less susceptible we are to these things. But as we know, autistic folks and social struggles and isolation and bullying and all the things that come with it, the experience, I think it really pushes in the other direction to create a lot of destruction and damaging behavior. You know, I don't think the fact that some substances are promoted socially is obvious, like there is a big culture, I know that the US does have in the UK, there is just a ridiculous lack of awareness about the effects of alcohol, even in the short term, because people think, oh, just don't have it a lot and you won't get fatty liver disease and you won't get all of these kind of dependencies and you won't have to drink it to feel like to not get ill. But actually with the binge drinking of it, I didn't know that you could die from having too much alcohol. It's served in a pub, in a restaurant, I can just have it, I can just get it from Tesco, as I can like... Yeah. And it's... What's the latest? Is it in the UK, 18? Yes, 18, which, you know, you have all those things of your brain developing and stuff and that just kind of magnifies the neural effects that that kind of stuff can have, even things like marijuana is, I think, can have impacts on your brain's development up to a point on nicotine, I think, as well. Hey, up! Just popping on to say thank you for listening to this podcast this far. If you could do me a real solid, please make sure to rate the podcast if you're in a podcasting streaming service and do all that like, subscribe, comment stuff on YouTube. Don't even send a heart in the comments if you don't feel like typing. Make sure to check out my link tree, which is always down below in the description or head over to my Instagram page at Thomas Henley UK for daily blogs, podcast updates and weekly lives. This podcast is sponsored by my favourite noise-canceling, noise-reducing earbuds that you can adjust the volume on. Really, really great thing. They're called D-Buds and you can find the affiliate link down in the description of this podcast for a 15% off discount. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of the podcast. That's all from me. I think definitely one of the negative life experiences that I feel very, very strongly about is the social isolation aspect of being autistic. To a certain extent, we struggle with isolation at school, like being isolated from groups and people, but in adulthood, especially that transition from school to adulthood or school to university, you are not put in scenarios where you're around people like you used to. It's such a difficult experience. You're like, okay, I need to find people. When you've had all these negative experiences with people in general, when you're younger and even in adulthood, it's very, very difficult to feel like people will like you or you couldn't find a friend or someone. Also, there are those people out there. I remember for the longest time, I didn't think anybody was worth investing in because I just had such a negative bias on my experiences with other humans. I was like, neurotypicals, I can never talk to them. I can never have any kind of trust in them at all. It was only until I started to push myself to get out in the world that I experienced some positive experience with it. I consider myself quite a driven and motivated person despite my mental health conditions. I just can't fathom just how difficult it could be for a lot of people to find that sense of connection and fun and doing activities with people. It's so easy just to have a dependency on something instead than doing that. I think that's really the crux of the issue is that it's a lot easier to rely on something that you can easily access to change how you feel. You can't always, even if you organize something, it could be delayed, it could change, it could happen. You just don't want to invest yourself emotionally in stuff and it's like, or I could just have this thing and then so I don't feel bad about the other things. I can just always have this when I want. It's much easier to slip into that when you are isolated, you don't have friends, you don't really talk to your family much. Absolutely. I think you're spot on and I think that if we polled people and looked at research that you would see that the statistics would be alarmingly high for those of us who are neurodivergent or those of us who really struggle socially in relationship and the correlation between substance use and it's just increasingly high because what you're describing and so many of us experience is that loneliness, that constant longing for belonging but the inability to access it. It's a lot easier to drink a four pack of cider and dissociate from that or disconnect from that or numb that out temporarily and then not acknowledge the physiological and psychological effects of relying on something to feel differently. Definitely. I think as you said about the mental health aspects of it, there's like a ton of cross-overs between autism, ADHD, mental health and also mental health and addiction. I suppose you also have the aspect of routine to things that was a big thing for me like with alcohol. I had a routine that I did each night that even when I wanted to stop doing it, it just felt wrong and it caused me anxiety to not do the thing. Not necessarily just because of the feeling that it gave me or anything like that, just the fact that I was changing my routine from something that had been a part of me for months. That was so much harder and then obviously going with the withdrawal and stuff from having those things, it's like a double whammy. Disregulated and also you don't have your regulating thing. Yep. I think you just explained that pretty perfectly. We all know how important routine and structure and sense of familiarity is for autistic folks and it can be a routine that revolves around something that you know is not healthy for you and that can make it even more complicated to change that behavior because it's just an extra layer and challenge to making any sort of adaptation or change to that because of the transition, the structure. I know at 4 p.m. I do this thing. I know at 4 p.m. I go to this place and that for a lot of us is very comforting even when it's something that isn't useful or healthy. I think there definitely is another element which I think we talked a bit about on a new pod about like a lexifier and stuff. It's very much the case that I feel like a lot of autistic people, we tend to gravitate towards these blanket regulation methods. Some of them are good, some of them are bad, obviously like for me blanket regulation would look like going to the gym you know like just regulates me something that I do and not necessarily bad for me and actually quite good for me but it's you know if I'm feeling something that's negative or experiencing something that's negative it's not like I'm tackling that at the cause or identifying, how do I feel about that, how do I feel and what is causing me to feel this way and being able to make that connection between them to like process things and do things that actively will make my situation or my feelings about it better like it just sometimes feels easier just to have all of these different blanket regulation methods that I can use to make myself feel better you know it could even be things like stimming or like eating some food that I like or you know all of these things that make me feel better but not necessarily like it's not necessarily like taking time aside to process and get through things. Yeah I think that's where the really deep challenging work happens right is when we're really getting into the what's happening behind the scenes why am I feeling this way how can I change this behavior that's a lot of mental energy and I think it's a lot easier to default to just what you're saying blanket behavior to say I know this works you know like I don't have to think much about it I know it makes me feel better I know it makes me feel different than I'm feeling right now and life is so hard that I think it's always a lot easier to reach for the thing that we don't have to exert the extra effort or mental energy in into yeah it's like having a button like you can just push this button feel good yeah yeah just keep pushing that button when you feel bad like you know it might make you feel good and you might have a good like feel like you have a good life but like you pressing that button all the time and it's for everything and you're not like letting yourself feel bad about things you're not like you know really tackling things at the root I think as as well like one of the things that kind of drew me into I'll call like and I know you're saying that addiction can be like cause like suicidal feelings especially when it's like an impact in your life a lot and you feel a lot of shame about it but also like I think there was kind of a point in in my life where I kind of I was sort of using my ideation for it as like a crutch it's like okay this is going bad I can always just just not be here if I want to as soon as I stopped doing that like obviously that's great like I'm not complaining about that but then there's like okay there's a lot of options like I could drink instead of like I had this crooks gone now even though it's a negative crooks it's like but now what like and now now what do I do to if I don't have that option how do I feel good and it's like you know if you're kind of in deep depression and you don't have the energy to do things and you don't really feel like you have the supports around you you don't feel positive about things in your life you don't experience pleasure from things it's like supplementing with different neurotransmitters by the form of substances or processes it's just very attractive like as something else of a you know obviously mental health like you generally just don't care about yourself as much as you should as well so it makes it quite easy to damage yourself I guess. Yep yeah that kind of circles back to what you were saying before of when you're in a bad mindset when it's easier to just say screw it I'm gonna do this thing and I think we so often not just autistic people just people in general just want to change how they feel we don't you kind of just alluded to that like a lot of us myself included like we don't want to feel bad we don't want to feel pain we don't want to sit with a negative emotion and we want to change that very quickly and I know that's a generalizing statement I think a lot of people would opt to not sit with the discomfort and sometimes we do just have to sit with how it how bad and how painful things can be because trying to change how you feel trying to alter how you feel with a substance it's just a band-aid fix it's not something that's a long-term solution it is a very temporary short-term solution to to to an experience and I think we lose sight over that because we just have such a hard time in those spaces and I suppose that kind of goes around to like this idea of like delayed gratification and stuff like it's just you know pretty much everything in our life is like kind of design to hook us in and like get us to say like screw it and do something it's like you have all these adversities say oh be impulsive do these things and just go on holiday then you might not be financially sound just do this just do that you'll feel good from having this and eating this and you know like I don't I don't think it's a it's a sort of illogical assertion to say that you know people don't want to feel bad like is it's I don't think anybody likes the nature of it is that we don't like it but you know so I think there is a lot of use in having that kind of delayed gratification mindset to things about you know life you know life is not a movie all the time you know you go to the bathroom you have times where you can't do things you you have to brush your teeth you have to get up in the morning you have to go to sleep every night there's all of these kind of boring monotonous self-care things that you do that just don't have any like apparent benefit in the the short term and like you know it's it's it's difficult and I think you know in a lot of areas of life people can kind of get fed up with things and not having this kind of glamourized idea of what life should be like you know it's it's it's it should be your kind of default mode your default kind of feeling should be just feeling meh I guess just normal like and that's not fun yeah that's not good like sometimes you want to feel the high and you'll feel great and you're gonna feel lovely and usually doing that kind of thing you even even if it's something like an eight like socializing with people like you or watching some watching a movie like once that goes down you still you'll always feel worse than you did like after so it's I don't know I think there's a lot to do with expectations and kind of like the culture that's that's formed at the moment around that kind of mentality of you know just screw it and have fun and you know it's it's it's fun it's exciting and it's nice to think about that but it's not like it's not going to like change your life like because of that impact negatively yeah well yeah because the neuro is chasing the next thing right like that vacation is never as good as the next vacation that's coming up and that meal is never as good as the next meal that you're romanticizing and I think we want to do that like we want to escape I think that's reality um we're right I mean oh I think I think a lot of existence is just like meh like existence and yeah um and I think for autistic people who are deep thinkers and like analyze a lot and and feel at a very intense level that existence is not always a pleasant place to be so it's it's kind of like how the hell do I change what's happening for me if this is kind of how I feel all the time it's like I could get better but then you know why why would I get better if it's just like this all the time it's you know you see on social media people posting like all the highlights of their life you know you only see the the athletes on the podium you don't see like the getting up in the morning and going to training and waiting for things like the little and struggling to yeah yeah yeah which is like 90 percent of the battle yeah to get onto that podium um yeah it's an interesting topic you know and I don't know I I think that we could explore this in so many different arenas and and vantage points and yeah it's it's something to just be mindful for to your listeners like really pay attention to when you reach for something why you're doing so the why behind the action is important what it's making you feel like during the experience and how you feel after 90 percent of the time 99 percent of the time the after effect is is not good we're talking about a lot of regret and shame and depression and all sorts of stuff that we're trying to run from or avoid or change that actually get amplified post substance use or post drinking or post gambling and and all of that stuff comes flooding back and that's that's again why you have to reach for it again because you're like wow wow this is even worse than before let me try again I think not that I don't want to leave on a message of hope but I do want to just be really honest that you know this is very this is cyclical behavior it's just it exists in a loop a lot of the time so it's really about really examining this stuff and stepping back and talking to someone and and getting some support around it if you feel like you are struggling if you feel like you have behaviors that feel like they're out of your control or you start to notice that they're becoming harder to resist I think be proactive you know like reaching for support before it gets to be too late because once you're in the thick of it it's very hard to to climb out of


Welcome to Toffey TV, it is the match reaction Everton Nils Sheffield United 2. That good of some park, just got back from the match. I don't know what to say. I honestly don't know what to say. Where do we go from here is a question because I just watched her ridiculous performance basically. You know the manatee has got his critics and rightly so. The team, he had the opportunity to do something a bit different today to mix it up a little bit. And he didn't, he just reverted to type. I mean he said being on record saying 4-3-3 is favoured formation and yet we still remain with this 4-2-3-1 to fit Guilfee Sigurddon into it. And the drop Guilfee Sigurddon back into the midfield will drop him altogether. Don't try to play in a way that tries to accommodate him because we just play too much to make it easy for opposition. I mean Sheffield United fair play to them. They defend it brilliantly. They've come. They're a basic side but they haven't got a lot of money to spend so you can't have a go with them for that. I stuck to the game plan. I'm a good value. You look at the stats there and you see 70% possession, 16 attempts from Everton 3 from Sheffield United. But it doesn't matter does it? Or 2 from Sheffield United? It doesn't matter. They've won the game 2-0 because they defended absolutely brilliantly. Marko Silver brought in Moise Keane instead of Dominic Alvertlew. But the problems are front remained because we are too slow with two pedestrian to get the ball forward. We're passionate around. Not going anywhere. Feel sorry for Snidlin because he does a job but he's too slow and in this midfield with him and Guilfee. It doesn't favour the team trying to transition quickly. I don't know what the manager does but either has to turn around and shake the team up by making changes. We go behind a corner, the first corner that you've got to think. The corner comes in. Apparently it means it on the head. Pickford doesn't know where he was and goes flying into the net. At that stage and at half-time. The stats at half-time are 9 attempts, a goal from Everton and no attempts from Sheffield United. But they put pressure on us off a corner. We had 10 or 12 corners. Every one of them was just dead of the way comfortably by now. These are things the manager is supposed to be working on. The players have got to take responsibility as well. They're out there on the pitch. It's everything safe. They're trying to pass it and then look for a big diagonal instead. They're trying to play through the middle of the gate. The pitch. Just too easy. We go in one down. He leaves it. Instead of personally having took off one of Snidlin or Delford didn't matter. Just made the decision to take one of them off. I'm being a bit more progressive second half. He didn't see left it for the first 10 minutes. And then he just ends up lashing loads of strikers on. Didn't work. We looked the bird. I don't think Henderson had a shot to saving the second half. He had a couple in the first half which were nothing. He didn't have to make any great saves. And the second half at home to a promoted side, we didn't have an attempt on goal, which is diabolical, really. What can you do? We play villain and Chef United have been promoted and he's beat us the pair of them. Soon they'll be having scored a goal against them. And that's a worry. It's got to be a worry for the man yet. It's got to be a worry for the likes of Marcel Brandes, I suppose. Because he's going to be criticised as well. The players we brought in haven't hit the ground running. I think personally the good players we've got. I think we have got a good side. It's not the way you play so slow and pedestrian and there's nothing different about it. You can't be devoid of all ideas and you can't go and play so nervously when you can see the goal because you haven't come back. You know, we went 1-0 down. We should have just gone right. Let's quicken it up. Let's move the ball around and see what they've got. We didn't. We started panicking and they were brilliant at defending me very well. So full credit to them. For us, back to the drawing board. The manager's got a massive game on Tuesday night now with Sheffield Wednesday. And then Manchester City run 8-0 today, next Saturday. Big week for them and it started in the worst possible way. But the players are going to have to roll their sleeves up because Sheffield Wednesday had gone a battle at Hillsborough. I expect Tom Davis to play on Tuesday. I expect Sitherby to play. Maybe Don, but who knows. But we need the result because I start on paper that looked good and it was let's register. Six games. Let's see how many points we can get and we haven't. We've ended up with seven points from six games, which is atrocious. So there's not maybe much more to say. Grim. Grim, we've lost 50% of our games this season and it isn't good enough. And that is it. So I don't know what else to say. So thanks for watching. Give us a subscribe if you haven't already. Give the video a thumbs up. And if you want more videos, get over it and join us over on Patreon. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. See you later.