Artist Tina Canapel cuts and shapes eggshells with a dental drill and a steady hand. Eggs are a continuous arch and because an eggshell is a continuous arch it has a lot of natural strength. You'll see eggshells where I've taken out so much that it looks like lace. And the whole trick to that is having regular connections between the different pieces of the lace so the eggshell stays intact. Tina Canapel cars, sculpts and sells about 1,600 eggshells a year. The ostrich eggshell is very hard. It's like China. She begins with designs printed on paper. And this is my file for designs. And then connects them to the eggshell. Tina Canapel has more than 300 designs. Her three cats watch as she works. They'll walk all around the carved eggshells and they don't bother them at all. In fact, he's loving them. Say, I love eggshells. After the carving is done the eggshell is cleaned first with warm water and then bleach. What the bleach does is it eats all of the organic material in the eggshell. And when it's completely sterilized there won't be any bubbles come up. One of her eggshells can sell for up to $400. This is an emu eggshell. It has three layers. The outside is such a dark green. It looks black. The layer underneath that is teal or blue and the layer underneath that is a paper thin white. And I carved between the three layers. I'm Shirley Griffith.


Hi everyone, Joe for jaspyscasebreaks.com. Happy Friday coming at you with 2019-2020 Panini Impeccable Basketball, 3 box random team break number 20. Some pretty excellent stuff in here ladies and gentlemen, so thanks everybody for getting into the action one way or the other. Some people bought their spot straight up, some people took a chance on those filler breaks and succeeded. Congrats, thank you everyone for getting in one way or the other, all teams are in. Let's roll it, let's randomize it three into two, five times for each list, one, two, three, four, and five. Five times for names and teams. Matt down to Tony. Matt's got the last spot mojo star next to his name, Tony won a spot in retail six, three into two, five times for the teams, one, two, three, four, and fifth and final time. We got Nets down to Kings after five. Now remember trade at your own risk boys and girls.  Simon with the Magic Travis with the Mavs, Matt with the Rockets, Warriors for Robert, Jeremy with the Spurs, Demetri with the Timberwolves, Sean with the Sixers, Robert with the Suns, Brett with the Heat, Cameron with the Hawks, Robert with the Thunder, Kyle with the Bucks, and Tony with the Sacramento Kings. Let's get all this on one screen and alphabetized by column B. And remember here's the case right here ladies and gentlemen 2019, 2020 we're doing all three boxes. I'm going to pause the video, allow for some people to trade if they want to and when we come back we'll see if there's any trades and then the breaks stick around and be right back. All right welcome back folks so no deals were done that's all good here on the 12th. Random team number 20 thanks or uh yeah random team number 20 thanks everyone for getting in appreciate it. List remains the same hot off the presses now let's pop this baby open let's see what we got out of here watching a great basketball game here Zion versus Luca. Pretty exciting this is exciting too there's the case hit already we'll do that last could be a piece of silver could be a piece of gold I see a plate in there too all right that's a base card on the bottom all right good luck everybody we'll use one of these blank cards right here to slow play the hits a little bit of mystery here 68 out of 75 Kawhi Leonard and that will be for the Clippers Dimitri we got 47 out of 49 Darius Garland for Pierre and the Cavs Cleveland this is for you another base card right here Kendrick Nun 87 out of 99 nice one for Miami Brett a redemption any guesses on that redemption we got Wally Zurbia canvas creation 64 out of 99 that's for the T Wolves that's going to go to Dimitri we got Del Curry 25 out of 25 extravagance on card auto that's Steph and Seth's dad Charlotte Daniel you shallancy guessing Rui Hachimura Tyler guessing football players let's see if we can get that plate there's the plate right there plate is nice stainless stars PJ Washington Jr right on the plate as well this looks pretty sharp this will be for Daniel and Charlotte and the hit on the bottom is Chris Bosch nice 7 out of 25 extravagance auto and that's for Miami that'll be for Brett Gibbs all right the redemption is going to be stainless stars autographs red whatever that's number two card 13 letter J AX Jackson Hayes thought that was going to be someone else for a second that will be for the Pelicans Eric K with that one get a free top loader out of that too you've got until September to uh to redeem it plenty of time all right that was just box one box two I was out as 23 points he's 10 for 10 from the field Zion Williamson and there he is speaking to Zion nice I wonder what these go for this is out of 10 stainless stars no ink but I've got I've got a feeling that this that just because it's Zion that could go pretty well in a secondary market that's for Eric K and the Pelicans 8 out of 10 on that one are you serious non autographed Ushelinsky that's a lot more than I thought it would be Stephen Adams to 75 for the Thunder for OKC it'll be for Robert we've got 24 out of 25 deer and fox a fox in the box for Tony got Deandre 8 and 11 out of 99 for Phoenix by the time I get to Phoenix she'll be rising Robert with that one another redemption and he guesses there canvas creations to 25 Dino Raja for the Boston Celtics that'll be for Dimitri yeah Ushelinsky is saying he did some quick research he's saying a uh a gold Zion on sale right now someone's asking 600 for it non auto that's crazy nice hit Eric K here's Eddie Jones 89 out of 99 heat edition going to Brett right so the red TJ saying the red for 800 was indeed graded and then the raw to 60 is 500 so the gold has got to be more than that has got to be a grand plus then a nice one Eric I set that aside me snap a picture of that goga batadze go go goga 65 out of 99 Pacers Daniel and we got a Jared Culver Jersey and autograph RPA 64 out of 99 Dimitri with the Timberwolves rookie autographs card 129 J O R D a Jordan pool fooled again I saw that J right there but good one for Robert Runko who has the Golden State Warriors wow Mack P saying a stainless stars gold auto of Zion went for $10,000 that's crazy all right final box do the box and then we'll see what's in that uh that card right up there the case hit we have here it's gonna be stainless stars cam reddish red 57 out of 60 that's uh Cameron with the Hawks we've got a plate towards the bottom which suggested it might be an autographed plate should be it's in the autograph spot all right we got Marcus all this is Raptors edition to 75 it'll be for Daniel Nicola Vusevich 13 out of 99 for Orlando let's go to Simon one out of 49 Cameron Johnson for Phoenix Robert we got canvas creations Quinn Buckner for the bucks you gotta play for the bucks if your last name is Buckner 97 out of 99 old school Milwaukee buck going to Kyle Cook for the Bulls Bill Cartwright illustrious Inc 6 out of 10 Chicago James with the Bulls da Bulls got an Allen Houston immortal Inc 7 out of 25 Nix Cody there's Eric yeah that Zion was pretty nice and you won that spot too in a filler break and it's Darius Basley 33 out of 99 on plate autograph that's pretty nice Robert with a thunder the last one here Chuma Okiki two color patch and autograph nice rpa for the magic 18 out of 99 that'll be for Simon nice now let's see silver gold they're usually silver but i'm hoping for some gold that card is gold no it's silver but it's a logo man logo man silver it is Jarrett Culver 6 out of 25 a Troy ounce of fine fine silver out of 25 going out to Dmitri who got randomized the T wolves in this one and there you go there you have it ladies and gentlemen what a break i'm Joe for jaspyscasebrakes.com keep your eyes out for more of this good stuff high-end basketball on jaspyscasebrakes.com thanks for breaking with us i'll see you next time for the next one bye


We may be halfway through summer vacation, but we find ourselves in the heart of Minnesota's county fair season. With the Beltrami county fair still a couple weeks away, judging for the fair has already begun. The sign reads Beltrami county fair August 8th through the 12th. And judging by the look of the fair grounds, the commotion of a fair is still off in the distance. You would think there's still plenty of time before the big event, but not if you're one of the many members of the Beltrami county 4-H program. Already hair, makeup and last minute alterations are being added because of judging for the fair has already begun. The Beltrami county 4-Hers are going through and getting all their clothing and textiles projects judged.  Clothes that are altered and recycled were also included in the day of judging. But one of the aspects of early judging helps better prepare participants once the fair is here. Before 4-H members hit the Maryland shutter stage here at the Beltrami county fair grounds, they're actually judged in a more intimate setting to help them prepare for the catwalk on the main stage. With the 4-H's standing for head, heart, hands and health, the purpose is education and learning new skills from the experience. Didn't know how to walk in, didn't know how to turn and now I can walk in with my hands on my hips and put a little sass to it and be really confident in myself. For some, it's not only about learning, it's about being given the opportunity to showcase a cherished hobby and talent. I like to do clothes you make because I've been sewing for nine years since I was five and clothes I buy, it's a good way. I guess it's an excuse to buy clothes. But the skills and lessons learned through this experience go well beyond the county fair. They can take you all the way to the great Minnesota get-together. You learn basically how to talk to judges, you learn how to interact with the other girls, it gets you prepared because you learn what you can do differently at the state fair. With just over two weeks to go, you can bet these competitors will continue to practice and prepare to not only showcase the best in Beltrami County but possibly the best that the state of Minnesota has to offer. Now the Beltrami County Fair runs August 8th through the 12th and Lakeland PBS will be out there at the fair and we'll be sure to continue to follow 4-H competitors for all over our viewing area all the way down to the Minnesota State Fair. If you enjoyed this segment of Lakeland news, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to Lakeland PBS.


then we play the video back a second time and this time we're pausing it and producers are peppering them with questions that we the right it that the writing staff had has come up with to pull the sound bites out of the comedians music videos yes sir there was a time in the early eighties when they said that music videos killed music that people were no longer listening to music they were watching it that's change people have gone back to listening to music and music videos have kind of disappeared yes they've disappeared on television they don't really rate so much on television though we're trying to bring that back to the exit on youtube yes they're probably are they're the most watched content on youtube music videos yes yes you heavily take your biggest art take yes heavily produced take your biggest artist your Katy Perry's your Lady Gaga's your Beyonce's those videos get like to between one and two billion like billions of views and even your new artists like a like a young upstart pop star will release one video and you'll check within like two days and it will have over a million when I say have the heavily produced are they concept really jib cameras really yeah full movie shoots there's nobody's really doing the performance video anymore they set up a couple cameras at your concert I mean these are like full storytelling movies movie you know I believe me I watched over 200 videos for this series and we're blown away by the production values okay I learned something new today I assume that people have just gone back to listening to music youtube killed the music video on television because I used to write TRL also which was total request a lot of requests live on MTV and that show went away because of youtube basically and now music videos kind of live on youtube and Vimeo that's where people do you know that people are actually eyeballing these videos because I will listen to music on youtube without actually looking I think probably a percentage of those views are probably people put the music on through youtube in their house when do you listen to music you know it's a sad state of affairs I podcasts have ruined music for me because I am straight podcast Alex on the third mic yet Baba Buoy Baba Buoy Alex went to Berkeley School of Music I know it's very sad Alex podcast consumes all my all my time at the gym commutes when I'm getting ready in the morning it's a podcast not music it's very sad at the gym why would you listen to a podcast because it needs to be energized the time I don't need the it's yeah the motivation doesn't bother me anymore don't you need to be pumped up by the music not not for what I'm doing it at my advanced age no I mean I switched to podcast because honestly I have this bear on my shoulder at all times being like I have eight podcasts in my queue I gotta get them I gotta finish them I love those podcasts okay so there are categories the David Feldman show here on the show you are in my queue I can show it to you right now you are in my queue I love your podcast there are categories I love professional wrestling which we've talked about before when I've been on your show so I have a series of wrestling podcasts that I listen to then sports series of sports podcast that I listen to and then comedy and news is probably my third bucket what are your comedy podcast so my comedy podcast I like top notch guy that podcast great guests Pete Holmes when he has a podcast that's like in the hour range hour plus range if he goes 2 3 hours it's very hard what an idiot what kind of schmuck what asshole what arrogant asshole thinks that somebody has more I'm kidding no you do it but like that's your shtick some Pete Holmes I mean he I don't know it's tough I like Pete pizza pizza very good podcast what else do I listen to this guy John Gabriel says a very good podcast called high and mighty which he gets high and talks to his friends very funny he's in the MTV universe UCB universe very funny guy oh you know Jess Dweck and Mike Drucker have a podcast called how to be a person how do you find these podcasts word of mouth and Twitter like I see if I see like somebody I'm interested in is on a podcast I'll give it a try who you interested in mostly like other comics writers producers people in the entertainment industry doing cool things how they did it and I would how to be a person I think you'd be you would dig okay they're two like former monologue writers who are doing other things and they each episode the person their guest teaches them how to do something because they don't feel like their people so they're being taught how to be people I would relate to that it's really really because you're a person it's really good you and your wife are going to AC we're seeing Chris Rock tomorrow Al Cowan's house not we're seeing Al Cowan's he has a one-man show it's in his white Bronco he drives around and yes jokes because you know who I am you know it's so funny there's a show going around in AC it's Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen my wife saw it she had to for what are you talking about they do a show in AC in AC that sells out and I said what do those guys do Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen for an hour more like AC DC if you know what I mean hey now um AC I'm thinking AC DP uh-huh yeah he I don't know what there's a they're not neither of them are comedians I guess they're both engaging fellas but they both tell celebrity stories when they were growing up everybody I'm not gonna say that's what they do they tell but this is what's happening in Atlantic City these days but anyway we're seeing Chris Rock and very excited I'm excited to see who opens for him because apparently he's he's been featuring a lot of like fun surprise guests as his as his feature who else will be and it turns out that Alex of the Alex of the Bruce studios is going to be there with his father and you're gonna go to Atlantic City are you gonna gamble I look forward to being at the black check table with Alex Alex is gonna fund me at the black check he's at the generic because as you taught me before we went on air never gamble with your own money that's right my father used to come visit me when I played casinos and he would slip me a 20 and say gamble don't gamble with your own money here's a 20 is there's nothing better than getting a little cash from your dad I miss that yeah yeah I used to make the hundred in my dad when I first moved to New York my dad would like come up give me a hundred dollars and I would make that hundred I would you have to do with what your father making you know I would make that hundred last I was very good at making that hundred last for a week mm-hmm when did your father pass away 2000 in early 2002 now did you love him yes sir he was sad he was a terrific he was a terrific guy super funny the life of the party that was he was a musician so he was gigging on the weekend my whole childhood was him gigging and I'd be like where are you Saturday night and he would be like such and such neighborhood and I'd be like oh my friend from camp so and so lives right near there and then he would drop me there and pick me up the next was he a full-time musician he was a psychologist by day he always had to have a day gig that was his lesson to me he was a musician he used to do whatever you want creatively but you always have to have a day gig and then yeah he was a fantastic saxophone clarinet piccolo flute jazz uh chlesmer dixieland and you know bar mitzvah's weddings dr. Goldstein he was not a doctor he was a psychologist yes but he was not a doctor he was a forensic psychologist he worked for the state what does that mean he would it was people who committed crimes and I think that him and his colleagues they would interview he would they would talk to these people to see if they were sort of sane enough to go to jail or be admitted to the hospital hmm so he's very into he had a lot of funny stories of these terrible people that he encountered and my dad he told me probably too early for me to hear you seem well adjusted I'm pretty well adjusted you are having a psychologist for a father he wasn't psychoanalytic at all but his behavior how he raised you did he it was a broken home you know in the house my mom raised me and my dad was not he left when I was four in terms of living in the house you know how psychologists break up with their wives how our time is up yeah exactly so but he wasn't the guy he wasn't the guy sitting in a chair while somebody is on a couch you know pouring their heart out to him he was very clinic you know in a state hospital talking about the state hospital too but he was yeah he was a conservative guy and he was a torn between the old school you gotta make a living and he was a super talented musician in Philadelphia wedding bands openings of banks you know steady gigs at night clubs and halls everything was he frustrated as a musician or was he satisfied I don't think he was frustrated I think he had some regrets about not pursuing things a little farther he always said I said saxophone, clarinet, piccolo, flute he always said if I learned the oboe I could have gone to Broadway because you have to learn all of them you can't just show up and say hey I play saxophone and they put you in the pit at least in those days it was you gotta know all of them and the one would win or whatever that he didn't learn you could tell me if that's part of the right family he never learned the oboe so he couldn't go to Broadway and then his other dream was he wanted to be in the FBI and he didn't follow that either but he was a hairdresser before he went to college and while he was a musician his original he was a hairdresser this was early 70s late 60s early 70s I'm gonna, Lori kill Martin I'm gonna switch seats is she coming in let's not stop we'll just do it in real time I'm just telling you about my dad but he was a wonderful guy a hairdresser gave me my sense of humor I believe and your first haircut oh he used to cut my hair in the driveway why in the driveway because he wasn't really allowed in the house so he would show up in the driveway everyday after school everyday at like 3.30 because he worked at 9 to 5 but instead he would go in and we could be there when we got home from school that's the kind of guy he was bring Lori in I'm gonna switch seats hi Lori hi I'm filling time I'm bad you sit right there I'm leaving shortly anyway how are you Lori Kilmartin joins us did you do fugal sang no I didn't they didn't he bolted I said Lori Kilmartin's here and he bolted out of his seat and he said let's find her they didn't find me I don't know Andrew Goldstein do you know Lori Kilmartin she did our podcast not too long ago sorry I've been so busy here on the show bristudios network did you know that she has a podcast with Jackie Casey I do and my roommate Mia we just talked about you last night the night before her roommate in New York Mia Moore is I shouldn't have probably said her full name but anyway we've worked together on a couple projects M&M Mia Moore Mia Moore oh no he's divorced he's getting divorced without getting into specifics without mentioning names we ran into each other you guys just mentioned my roommate's name we were ran into each other at Sirius yesterday I had just gotten back from the woods you seemed a little tense and focus very focused like a laser on an email you were crafting towards somebody that I felt your email wasn't helping you the tone wasn't serving you and you were sending it that was my that was my feeling it was a female lawyer and let's say the female lawyer's name is Andrea Goldstein and I kept saying she sounds hot I kept writing now Mr. Goldstein well that's your first hit problem how sexist Laurie you and I go back you used to watch me do stand up I used to watch you do stand up you used to laugh when I pissed off entire audiences my favorite thing watching you walk a crowd about Mills College and they're all female student body which is now not how bad is it to antagonize somebody if I were to say now Mr. Kiliman well it's not it's just a annoying deliberate it's not insulting it's just like why and especially when I know you know I'm a female why and it really makes me think there's something wrong with you and then when I have my client is the woman I think oh I'm completely on her side 100% I would not dissuade her I would not try to tone her down I would say go all in this guy has a problem that's what I'm saying yeah so it's a perfect way to double your billable out I know I really is what are you I'm a good but you know here's Al Al Franken is a senator right yes now he just canceled a gig with Kathy Griffin I want to talk about that because he should have because he's a politician now that's his job now and that's fine he has to get reelected he needs to be questioning Jeff Sessions not standing up for Kathy Griffin's you know bad idea right so I'm okay with that you are trying to extricate yourself from a marriage with some money so you're not a comedian right now right now you're someone who'd make smart choices so that he has a little bit of money left right yeah right okay well said concise yeah yeah you're not Al Franken isn't a comedian in this position and you aren't one either yeah but I did kind of enjoy it dear mr. Goldstein just calling I have to leave can I ask a question while Lori's here before I leave because she brought up Kathy Griffin yes why did she apologize isn't the comedians tack to say I'm not apologizing for my joke though it may have been in poor taste I agree yeah I guess so I especially to Trump the guy who doesn't apologize to anyone couldn't she have made I don't think she apologized to Trump I think she apologized to people I would say she apologized to people who who were parents of people that were beheaded and who's has were being held up like that and maybe she kind of didn't realize what that image would mean to some people you know I don't think she I don't think she apologized to Donald Trump at all she didn't well she's and then she said that the administration is bullying her I'm sure they are but because of the attention she's getting I would use that to double down and be like I'm not apologizing for anything until you apologizing until you apologize for and then list sure yeah do the list yeah I think a lot of I think the problem is a lot of people got spooked by it I think a lot of people are frightened right now and they want to pick their battles and defending Kathy is not I think it's she's worth defending it but I think a lot of people like Al I don't have a dog in this fight right right exactly yeah he's got voters to think about he does he's he's not a super left state it's he barely won his first election and so you know he has to get reelected we need him in the Senate oh hundred percent yeah so what are your thoughts on that or do you not want to comment on on Kathy Griffin yeah I just thought it was a really bad idea it was just bad for her career I don't I didn't think it like it wasn't funny you know it was really stark it I I would be she could do whatever she wants though but I was a comic like I can defend any joke no matter how that mean it is because it's you can see a joke structure and stuff I just didn't see like the joke in it so for me it's it's an artistic piece I was I'm surprised a comic would do it and not you know who's the lady used to pour chocolate on like it Karen family somebody like that I could see them doing it and it Gallagher he poured watermelon juice all over himself but somebody like that it doesn't hurt their career because although I can't think of anybody like that like that so maybe there isn't anyone like that right now you know but it's it's it's an odd choice for a stand-up comic to make to me because it's not hilarious it's not funny rich you know she wrote the joke early in the S&L right yeah but that was a joke yeah I mean that's why all the comedians came to her defense because it's a joke it's like a given thing was like by the way I made a mistake I was talking to Corey Bretschneider on last week's show about Katie rich being fired from SNL for something she tweeted that had nothing to do with Saturday Night Live yes because we're talking about first amendment rights and I said that Seth McFarland hired her but it was Harmon town yes it was Dan Harmon I thought she was just suspended she got fired she got fired oh and one of the questions was do you have first amendment rights and it has nothing to do with the government so no you don't and yes you can be fired for something you tweet during your off hours you can actually be fired member Melissa Villasenor she used to do my show all the time yeah she ran into some trouble for things she tweeted when she was a kid yeah yeah she wasn't they used her on the first SNL right the opener of the season she's still on the show how's she doing she wasn't in much but that's not uncommon for them with women plus they have Kate McKinnon is just like she might have a shot because two female cast members are leaving Bobby Moynihan what? is he also your divorce attorney because what is with you and genders I just because you're right that doesn't mean I'm wrong everything's fluid in 2017 you can't get on David for I sympathize with Kathy first of all there are a lot of things people accuse me of saying that I don't mean Jeff remember Jeff Wills he took us to see Kathy Griffin at the Nokia Theater it was the Kodak Theater it must have been five years ago where do they do the Oscars it's like the Microsoft Theater that theater is a self-hating Jew it just keeps changing its name over and over again the Lefkowitz Theater Lefkowitz Theater so I watched her she is one of the best stand-up comics really interesting trafficking and gossip and she is an a-hole she goes out of her way to antagonize so I'm getting a note here oh okay is that from an attorney please stop talking never dealt with lawyers just a teeny bit when I was working at custody with my son so you were married no no no we weren't married am I violating any privacy no it's the lawyer the way you're looking at her kind of is it was all settled and he called me to check up on me like two years later and build you 100 bucks I didn't call you nothing wrong so I didn't pay him and he said he wasn't representing me anymore it was 100 bucks for me to say I'm doing good thanks bye seriously they are the absolute I'm gonna watch what I say but when it's a hack premise but I totally agree I have one my entertainment lawyer is the best Jared Levine the greatest lawyer in the history of lawyers sounds like a lawyer oh he's the best honorable, honest the rest I am stunned stunned by what they are capable of they I don't think there's a criminal who's ever done anything worse than the person representing them oh wow hot take on that hot take I have to leave but I love you bye thank you so let me know how Atlantic City goes Goldstein I'm so glad he's gone where is he going I don't know he's married he's happy he's in love so you have a roommate in New York you're not living here though you're still here and I live there and I'm on the road and you know good let's talk about your projects that you're doing let's talk about your amazing special that everybody is talking about they are really you had a tragedy you opened for me once and you turned it was devastating it was devastating so we can talk about your special about your father and the jokes about your father you live tweeted a tragedy yeah I mean it wasn't even a tragedy he was 83 so I wouldn't call that a tragedy it's just the winding down of your of a parent right so but it's still pretty shocking when it's your parents and you have a new CD I do it's a CD version of my special that came out in December hidden behind the CISO paywall it's 399 a month which is apparently too much for a lot of people I had people I want to watch it but it's on CISO I'm like you know it's it's pretty accessible you just have to sign up and then you could sign out before they charge you to get like a free month exactly if you're an Amazon let me tell you how to do it that hurt people I guess it was too hard and Amazon Prime if you're an Amazon Prime member for three bucks a month you sign up for CISO yeah you see Lori and you say you saw let's pretend your name is Sue you say you saw us why do I have to have an alias in this story so I can say did you see Sue and CISO oh my god is that the should we just done the podcast now is that why I was here my life we could end I saw saw on what's it called CISO CISO did you see saw on CISO I saw oh my god this is we actually Neil Brennan stopped doing my podcast because remember we used to do those live shows at the fake gallery and Jim Merrill and Eddie Pepitone and I wrote something that involved seeing the movie saw that went on for 20 minutes and I think Neil Brennan decided never to do my podcast again because he was part of that sickness what is the name of your new CD it's the same as the special it's called 45 jokes about my dead dad and it's on it's on it's you can pre-order it on iTunes and it comes out officially on June 9th Friday June 9th and what is the name of your special 45 jokes about my dead dad and 45 jokes about your dead dad can we talk about this okay you live tweeted your father who was your father his name is Ron Kilmartin and he was involved with the state department wasn't he I thought he was like a diplomat Jim Merrill always accused him of being a CIA spy because he worked in all these countries that happened to have civil wars and you know governments overthrown while he was there or right before or right after your father died in Benghazi because Hillary forgot to provide the security and you were live tweeting you were writing jokes I was in the embassy I thought he was people were shocked shouldn't you be helping your dad now I'm getting followers I thought he was like a diplomat no he was a civil engineer and so he worked in he worked in Iran, he worked in Turkey he worked in Saudi Arabia, the Philippines and Nicaragua come on come on that sounds pretty suspicious his country resume is just a nightmare civil engineer working with infrastructure building dams and things like that like for Bechtel yeah he did work some work for Bechtel and then he worked for IECO international engineering company and then he worked Bechtel as I remember that was like George Schultz's company Secretary of State on the Reagan they had a little stuff they were building things that's pretty suspicious did he not tell you no because that wasn't what he was but I think I have heard there's like a secret wall for undercover CIA people after they die you know like an undercover you know there's like the there's a memorial wall in the CIA for known CIA agents who die and then there's a secret there's a secret one for not known CIA agents and I'm sure my dad isn't one of them but that would be amazing to stumble upon that information well it's secret he was a very rugged good looking man he's a good looking guy he was CIA where'd he grow if you mind if I ask to beat good Kansas oh come on that's like Midwest you can try no Jewish blood inside of him Protestant? Irish Catholic well the founder of the the OSS was Irish Catholic oh really? yeah while Bill Donovan was Irish Catholic everybody thinks the Bushies the Protestants started the CIA it was the Irish Catholics interesting yeah my dad grew up in I guess it's the Westboro part of Topeka the Fred what's his name? Phelps yes I love him I do I do first of all he's a lawyer he is he's got a lot of qualities to admire honestly I want to talk about two jokes about my dead dad it's 45 actually I know I'm Jewish you're commissioning 43 of the jokes just to do this podcast whenever I don't have a joke I just resort to being Jewish so Fred Phelps I like Fred Phelps because if you're going to be an A-hole and you show up at a soldiers funeral with a sign that says God hates f-words it's horrible to do that to the family but it's as brave as brave can be it really is to be that much of a 100% I mean he's all in you're yawning so I'm always tired and I had to wake up early to do a different podcast this morning I couldn't sleep last night I don't sleep well I want to ask you about your dad and I also want to ask you about your sleep schedule because the first thing I said to you it's serious yesterday was how the F do you do what you do as a kid I can barely you know I don't even have the energy to fall asleep that's why I feel at night my brain starts going at night I can't close my eyes I'm too tired somebody close my eyes for me how many hours of sleep do you require I feel great when I get like 8, 7 hours I feel great I think you probably got about 5 last night 5 isn't bad I'm operating on 5 it's awful it's not good enough no you need a full 8 do you drink coffee what about you're a comedy writer you're one of the great comedy writers stop yawning you're not one of my audience members it's the afternoon now you're making everybody else yawn I know I'm boring do we have is this as big of an audience as you play for it you said you're making everyone else as if this is a crowd it's just one person the fact that you're listening to me you've just doubled my listeners you're a great joke writer but you have to be sharp all day you're like a fire person you do get dull on the afternoon did you feel like that I'm always strongest in the morning and then by 3.30 in the afternoon and you're looking at the same stories there's no other way to turn this one around you're a mono writer what is your best hour I guess between 10 and 11.30 because we write premises from 9.30 to 10 and then we compile them and just start working off them and I get off the computer and I write them by hand after off a printed sheet then I type them before they're due you write them by hand why is there something physical about it and just getting off the internet is really good and just sitting in a chair I think it helps for some reason seeing a word printed on paper somehow the space in the word makes you look at the story differently as opposed to seeing it on a screen I don't know why because you're looking at the same thing on a screen but it really changes how you look at a story to me anyway do you ever change the font I'm serious no I've never thought about that oh I do that all the time really what do you mean the way I write jokes yeah hang on take a nap because it's going to get really boring I'll do the setups in bold then I'll change the font because that little nuance will help me see things differently because it is a game of serifs it really is yeah interesting because a joke can be a minor just a minor switch and sometimes changing the font will help me see it differently that's a good idea maybe I'll try that when we get back next week we're off this week and do you write these great jokes do these great jokes come to you and you go damn it I I can't use this usually no because usually the stuff I like to write for myself is so dark it wouldn't ever get on television anyway or it's just I just know it's not right for the show so I don't feel like oh I'm surrendering this one to the show usually the ones for the show work it's rare that he picks one that I could also take for myself when you say he we're talking about Samantha B you're doing it again but you work for Conan and she's a delight to work for Conan because the stuff I like to do for myself is very obviously from a female who's mad or something you know what I mean you're not a mad but you're not talking about politics and stuff it's very from my point of view and so when I first for Conan it's obviously from his point of view sometimes there are some jokes I'm like ah darn he picked it got on the show that you don't agree with oh he'll never take that one and I can tweet it later and he'll and he does it and I'm like dang and you're allowed to tweet his rejects yeah I mean yeah he doesn't want them yeah so and do you ever go into his office if something does really well on twitter and say look look what you missed you made me hate myself no because you know the other half of it it's gotta be a topic he's interested in really written the way he would speak it and all that kind of stuff and so yeah now is there a joke that you've been writing for the past 20 years that you submit every year I cannot get onto a show because I have a joke that I can't get anybody to do the running of the Bulls of Pamplona it was so bloody they should change the name to Tamplona every job I've ever had I always pitch the Tamplona joke and nobody I nobody will I'm sorry that's terrible that's a travesty I love that joke I do love it that's great I made me laugh it's too good for people it's too good for comedy it's too good for this world have you ever had a boss say that to you Dennis Miller used to say that to me it's too good for the show it was so demeaning well there's a thing of it's too smart for the audience like if you think oh our audience probably isn't going to know who that person is they're going to laugh at that one yeah so sometimes we lose jokes because we just think they'll they won't work with our crowd now working for Conan is a horrible thing because once you leave you're you're we he's the nicest person in the world that's why no one leaves but the problem is you're like millennials yeah once you leave I'm in Conan's basement living happily no what I'm saying is millennials you know are I don't want to say sheltered but it's a I have worked on other shows before this so I know how bad it can be but I appreciate my shelter I'm more like a refugee who goes oh I know I have it really good because I lived in Syria yeah I eat the Bonnie Hunt show yeah I appeared on a show in Aleppo that you were working on I don't want to mention the name of the show but you had this look of can you rescue me I'm not going to mention that you certainly paid your dues you are very liberal because your father was in the CIA and you're not allowed to let on that you're really part of the I'm deep under cover so you have to pretend to be under Paige Phillips of who's Paige Phillips Jennings sorry Paige Jennings do you watch the Americans I've watched a couple of episodes oh man her daughter well I don't want to ruin it for you I mean we're five seasons in I watched a couple of episodes and I thought you know this is great but I have to rewatch the Sopranos for the 50th time alright what shows do you watch I watch the Americans Veep, Silicon Valley Veep is the best oh my god it's so great it's so great Veep is the best Armando Iannucci do you know him I don't know him can you get him on my show no I don't know him so can you go meet him I don't think I can he would like you he would love you go meet him and say you should do David's show see he's in Britain right he's British he's British and he made my favorite movie in the loop oh I've never seen that movie it's the best I should watch it if it is it's the best and then you watch Silicon Valley which I haven't seen yet I really like it it's really funny and how many shows can you watch at one time very not many I just if I can't you know I'll watch like one half hours and the Americans is the only hour I watch right now I just will stay up late on Wednesday night although it's finished for the year you have your best hour at work what about that hour when you get up in the morning oh that's yeah that's a good hour I worked on a book basically I wrote a book in that hour and what was the name of the book it's called dead people suck and it's kind of like just funny essays about more about death and stuff I pitched it when no one was buying my special and and so then they it seems like I have an obsession which I don't I'm happy to never talk about death again after this book comes out okay let me go over your body of work how many comedy CDs have you put out one this is my second one the first one is called five minutes to yourself and I would assume that came out about five years ago 2009 yeah I haven't done many comedy CDs I only only like about five minutes of my act at a time so the sometime I guess the always the thought of like oh I have to dredge up that old thing to fill out the time I just I never pursued it but I should because that's easy money you know you don't have a CD to you I do left without paying really yeah I like it has a timbadoor produced it oh wow that's cool and it came out in 2009 or 2010 and it's it's a pun because it's left yeah I'm left-wing yeah but there's a naked prostitute on the bed so it's like I left her without paying I don't know how we came up with that and now what is the name of our new album Alex pay what you want we're putting together an album cool call pay what you want where people can pay what they want oh nice and you get SoundCloud money for the other one SoundCloud money is he registered on SoundCloud SoundCloud or CD baby wait it's not SoundCloud what's it called no not CD baby god dang it I forget you get I get like a couple hundred every month for what just for five minutes to myself it's they track whenever your CDs played on any sort of radio and you get a little portion of it and I mean if your CDs on radio they're holding your money for you you just have to sign up for it I will next time I get it I think I know what you're talking yeah it's not called SoundCloud no it's something out of sound exchange sound exchange out of Washington DC maybe yeah right I think I wrote to them once and you said hello Mrs. SoundCloud so you get a couple hundred dollars a month yeah just off of that and and that's a really old CD and like I know other comics that have you know four or five CDs and they get they get a nice amount of money at least like a thousand or eleven hundred a month or something really my friend I mean that's interesting she gets she gets rent every month she gets her full rent every month off a couple of her CDs it that's already stuff you've done and it's out so it's it really moves you to look into that and to put out more CDs because they they need stuff to play you know yeah I've kind of just yeah I should do that I should I should definitely there are not enough male Jewish comedians no they're not you'll get a there'll be a lot of interest so you have one CD and you work the road and you write comedy yeah and you have a son yeah how do you find time for yourself well um I don't know okay so let me tell you what do you mean okay so let me tell you my life okay and you compare it okay divorced right kids out of the house live alone heaven heaven and responsibilities whatsoever and there's no time for me to do what I want to do right it's often worse when you have an open open day it's harder than if you have like 14 things to do that day because you you're like I got it like I have no choice I have to do this now and I want to read the New York Times and the Washington but I just want to mm-hmm yep you're every minute of your life is accounted for it feels like it it feels like it and then one day it won't be right I know I feel like this is my decade of smashing everything in because I I'm trying to save up money for my future you know and save up money for my kids college and because I know there'll be a time when I'm not wanted and I'll want to have some you know so I'm not you know I don't know so I'm just trying to look out for myself when I'm 70 or 80 or something it's pretty amazing because you know the way my life used to be yeah it was cats dogs kids yes right okay wife right nieces nephews stray human beings would be brought in like it was it was amazing yeah it was just like come home who's this okay you know really oh yeah that's me strays where'd you guys live we lived in the mid-wilshire district okay there were at any given time four cats and four dogs wow at any given time a kid who was not mine would be there wow and I just accept I thought well this is going to be my life forever this is just going to be a noisy place where I'm anxious and can't have good things the door was left open because there was nothing to steal other than my heart and then one day it's this hmm wow it's just this and at first you want it you know not bad and then you go oh this is pretty quiet yeah this is pretty f and quiet it gets pretty quiet yeah so enjoy the chaos the chaos well my mother lives with me in Los Angeles yeah that's it's hard to enjoy that chaos how's she doing there's always hurting there's always there's always a problem mother's never a day where she feels okay mothers and daughters oh it's when I found out I was having a boy I canceled the abortion I was so excited because boys love their mothers my son he's a mama's boy it's we're good we're gold and my sister has two daughters and I'm like oh man wow I'm obsessed with Queen Elizabeth I've just been obsessing with watch the crown I love it so great I love it I love the crown not because I'm gay I just love the I loved it I thought she was great and I've I'm rewatching it I've been watching all these documentaries about Queen Elizabeth and the Queen mom and their relationship it's every mother and daughter you can it could be you could be Queen Elizabeth and it's still the mother the two of them yeah you can see them sniping at one another what is going on was there a different doc I would love to watch the doc is it something on Netflix about the two of them they're on YouTube I just find all these oh okay entries about the complicated relationship between Elizabeth and Elizabeth oh my god you were I'm obsessed with the royal I was especially during the Diana years I was complete I was like that girl that was in love with Princess Diana totally obsessed with her so I became very knowledgeable on all of them but she was my entryway and then after she died I was just like I don't know I just sort of lost interest and then I got more interested in Ireland and then I became angry at the British okay so explain to me mothers and daughters what is going on I think the you look to your mother and I I know there are mothers and daughters who get along and look at their mother's role model or you look at your mother as a reverse role model like I don't want to be that and that's sort of me and so even now the way the way she's aging I'm like I I'm just I'm like like exercise you know do something you know I mean I it makes me angry every every her approach to everything makes me angry and it's really negative and it's really not curious and I feel like she's in me and I struggle and I fight to not be like that and I think that maybe that's a lot of daughters when they have that kind of relationship it's like I don't want to wind up like that I don't want to be that person but there's we see that person in you because that's half of you I used to see my father and me you do the joke must die I used to see my father and me because my uncle would videotape oh my god I can't help it my father I love my father and I used to do things anyway we had a great sense of humor so he's still alive I'm just not allowed to see him anymore because of a corridor because of your uncle he's my uncle I would see my father in me and I would hate it and then one of my sons said to me I see you in me oh no you just you just have one son right I have a couple of sons you don't know about my whole family my ex-wives and lots of children because we don't tell the truth about we cannot in fact I quoted you a couple of nights ago or on a different podcast someone asked about talking about your family and your kid what I say about my son isn't true certain elements are true but the outcome isn't true at all and I tell my son that too I say I make up things about you on stage and you quoted me because I thought you always said that the deal has always been was I could say anything I could say the most horrible things as long as they weren't true and I got into trouble on Greg Fitzsimmons podcast about a year ago when I said my daughter or one of my daughters is hysterically funny, brilliant and beautiful and I got into a lot of trouble it was an invasion of her privacy to which I should have said the deal is I didn't I can't speak the truth I said you were pretty attractive, smart as long as it's not true and I get that I would never talk about my family on the show and stand up and I do I always feel like when I talk about my son I'm really talking about motherhood and I'm talking about me and I complain about things that are dumb to complain about or whatever so to me what I'm talking about is how hard it is for me and I do it by using my son as a kind of a prop in the joke but it's about me not him you remind me of Warren Thomas oh really? oh my god we were talking about John Russ was on the show we were talking about Warren who we lost 10 years ago Warren was a great comedian and he was built he had a constitution that didn't quit John lived with him and John used to talk about Warren taking part in what he shouldn't have been partaking and probably brought about his early demise but Warren for lack of a better word was a gourmand when it came to things other than food and he would go days without sleep and then go play basketball I remember John Russ telling me Warren had no sleep he had a chocolate cake on the court and playing basketball while eating chocolate cake I never forgot that image to me the chocolate cake would knock me out for a week Warren was just built a certain way always looked great and then when I ran into you at Sirius yesterday I looked at you and I was exhausted and I hadn't done anything I just come back from the woods one email that set me off and I looked at you and I thought she's got a 10 year old kid she's got a full time job she's running around pitching her CD pitching her special doing 15 pot I got exhausted looking at you where do you get the energy from and you should be you're yawning but you you should be catatonic you should be comatose right where do you get your energy from I know you were swimmer in college I don't feel like I'm a high energy person I don't know I don't think I'm doing that much do you take naps during the day I did yesterday it was delightful but at work I don't really take a nap no one can argue my batch three of jokes is written in some sort of nap formation because they're awful but all you need is one good one I know really just two two or three maybe you just need one great joke a great one and a good one and you've had a good day now are you at a point where you know you wrote a grote joke a grote jake I can tell when you have jokes that are like yeah that's a really good one come up with that idea and then you have the old those will work jokes and I think sometimes when you're building a monologue if you're going to do a really smart one you want to protect it with some couple easier more accessible jokes maybe I call them that'll do pig yes what's that from charlotte's web that's from babe oh from babe that'll do pig exactly here you go there are jokes that there's a certain type of comedy writer who can figure out that that'll do pig joke it's really irritating and what's really irritating I'll tell you who do you know chris kelly I know who he is but I don't know him chris kelly is there are certain people oh my god that guy is amazing I always say chris kelly and hosé arroyo just just through our samosas hosé is like a savant he can drop into any kind of comedy and do it really really well he writes great sketches he does great like little movies and then he comes in with the monologue and just tweaks the joke perfectly he murdered a man once but other than that he's and just through our samosas being around chris kelly and hosé I learned certain things chris kelly is the kind of comedy writer who can write the that'll do pig joke but also the joke that nobody else came up with that's great because you need somebody like that but the kind that only does that'll do pig drives me insane they're the kind that kill on stage and it's all stuff you've kind of heard before and the audience doesn't know it and the booker doesn't know it and they don't understand why you're not doing as well as that person somebody said that Carl Reiner was talking about I think alex told me this Alex Brazell said that Carl Reiner studied sitcoms before he did dick fan dyke because he wanted to know what everybody was expecting so he could then twist it wow did he write about that or wow that's really interesting and that's why I think chris kelly is so interesting because he used to watch television with him at the office and he would just be like he grew up at the national ampoum and his father was one of the founders of the national ampoum so it's like it's in his DNA and he would I would look at his eyes when he'd be watching television going yeah okay you know that'll do pig and I think if you get all of that I think if you appreciate the that'll do pig jokes without judgment you can then play with it to get to that next that next joke without do you have an inner editor when you're writing do you have a voice in your head saying that's not funny, that's not funny, that's not funny don't hand that in, don't hand that in no I think maybe early on but then like Kylie's always like yeah put it in there's very few jokes where I can read him very well though and if he hesitates a second don't put that one in when he knows a joke won't fly at all and it's a waste of Conan's time to read it but sometimes when we're having a top day we'll all meet for a batch three and try to just come up with jokes together and usually at this point we're looking for like a dick joke or just something to carry the monologue across the finish line and so sometimes some really bad ideas get finished that's the best when you're writing with people like somebody like Kylie, Brian Kylie he murdered a woman, that's why it was interesting about him that's why Jose is sketching Kylie's yeah, mono but I think writing mono with friends is fun because you don't care it's not a competition so that voice there are a lot of people I know who are really brilliant but they have self respect so they won't hand in certain jokes you can't yeah you gotta be able to go this is a decent opener it's about traffic in Los Angeles but it's a good opener I need to give you a joke so bad when I'm writing for somebody I need to hand in that is so bad that you actually question why you hired me because I can't get to the next really, I'm being honest I can't get to that next step until you've seen me splayed open bleeding stuff coming out of every orifice and then I'm ready to try to write something good well can you like say in the morning batch 20 jokes and then I start going over them before I turn them in and I'm like not this one because maybe you write the B joke and then you get that out of the way and then you get the A joke a little bit later with the same promise you turn in your A your B, your C, your D I don't know the difference at this point people who listen to this show will know full well that's the so coming up with a punchline is hard when it's for a specific voice do you catch yourself saying okay this is a great joke it's for Conan maybe she won't do this joke what that she sometimes what but not relentless is often a good trait but not in David Feldman it's very damaging it's no I mean is sometimes you'll write a joke and you'll say this is funny but it's not appropriate for Conan's high-pitched feminine sibling voice I don't want to be here but no I mean then are you surprised that he quote unquote see if this part of the podcast is clipped out without the context this could harm my career no he's the sweetest man in the world he really is I used to have nervous breakdowns doing that show when I did stand up on his show and he surrounded himself with Paula and Frank and they just they genuinely wanted you to be happy I'm doing the show next Thursday that's great and what I think we're going to do is Jackie, you know Jackie Cation she was just on my show a week ago oh cool we're going to do a podcast in my dressing room like before the spot to kind of like do like behind the scenes in a late night spot if as long as I'm mentally able to keep talking at some point I'll be like right you got to go so I can pace but hopefully I'll be I think I'll be pretty level headed can I tell you some insight into nerve something that I had where I realized what I was really afraid of I realized that I was afraid I was afraid of many things yeah but one of the things I was always afraid of was I was going to love it so much I was going to be disappointed that it was over that became this thing where I went your late night set yeah that when I would do television I'd be really nervous I came to realize that I actually was worried that I was going to love it so much that I was going to be disappointed that it was over oh it's an odd worry yeah that was also worried that I was going to forget I mean there million things that yeah that's the chief thing of the set I've just been doing it all week here so I think it's burned in my brain you know the joke order is different than how I normally do it and stuff but I'll have the jokes on cards maybe or something just in case but yeah I guess I'm more worried like that the audience won't be good because that's the one thing I can't control like the weather it's going to be 78 that's not bad the audience won't be too tired and stuff but or too wiped out but you know sometimes we watch the monologue every time it's like the second joke and you're like oh this crowd sucks and I'm going to know if they suck or not I won't be naive think as I think most comics that are coming on the show they don't really know they're just thinking about their own head but I'll just be I'll know if they suck or not yeah you're going to be you're a great you have nothing to worry about there's nothing nothing bad can happen nothing it can only be good seriously it can only be a good experience I mean if they do suck I think I know how to just pretend like it's going great but I don't want to pretend like it's going great I like it when it's going great actually and then you find you find the little things your personality can shine because you're not trying to fake a good set mm-hmm so anyway when you're doing stand up are you listening to the audience are you listening for their laughs or are you listening to their reactions well that's the same thing right not with me I'm being serious you've never been booed you've never had to say to the audience I love people go ooo but not boo how many times during your set do you have to go sit down don't leave don't it gets better trust I'm serious oh my god I cannot tell you the number of road rooms I've played where I've seen you in the Catholic girl outfit with the fan blowing up the skirt and I'd be working in that room and the number of shows where I have where they love Laurie Kilmartin Kilmartin and the number of shows I've had to say sit down it gets better trust me don't leave please my ex told me about the show he saw you do have I told you the story before no what is your ex my son's father did you show at the river center in San Antonio yes a woman stood up in the middle of your set and said please make it stop you remember that no actually I don't I was going to say yeah please make them stop that sounds make it stop yeah I used to play that's a bad room it's a dump it's a top of a mall you know first of all the river walk is beautiful and there's a great jazz club I don't know if it's still there but there was a great jazz club there I used to love San Antonio I loved the gig but the audience was that was a room where the guy threw bread at me on stage and I had to videotape so I put it on YouTube why do you throw bread at you because I was doing a joke about how much I love bread of course that's a natural reaction is to throw bread at the comedian so that's not that bad well yeah look who I'm talking to right now it's really not good David that's not how the audience should respond well I found that San Antonio was good depending on who the opening act was that's a good point that you can play these rooms but if you have acts in front of you who acclimate the audience and type of comedy like good if there's a good act in front of me then they tend to hate me if I had ever gotten famous I could play any city in America because as long as I can pick the opening act and set the tone I always say like Andrew Dice Clay I always said and we may have Paula Poundstone on right Alex we reached out to Paula Poundstone she may do this show isn't that great? I want to ask you about Paula in a second but I maintained I would watch Andrew Dice Clay's crowd at Madison Square Garden late 80s, Larry Brown and I used to watch Dice and we used to laugh so hard because everybody was so pissed off at him did you hate Andrew Dice Clay you must have right I guess I guess everyone kind of did so I was probably a hater too but I mean who cares I don't care now as long as that person is not up in front of me ruining my crowd I don't care what you do I said this was in the late 80s take this audience instead of Andrew Dice Clay say Andrew Dice Clay can't make it tonight Paula Poundstone will be here the complete opposite of Dice is going to be here but first Milt Able somebody to set the tone somebody to go up for 40 minutes and set the tone set the table for Paula she would kill in front of Dice's audience if you gave them 40 minutes of comedy good jokes that's a fair statement right how much of an influence was Paula on you she was a big influence on me she taught me not to talk to the audience because I realized I could never be as great as Paula is talking to an audience she wasn't a big influence on me I only met her once I never really knew her and I saw her a couple of times I thought she was great but I for me the barrier person I gravitated to was Dana Carvey in terms of I want to be like that guy I didn't feel like that with Paula or Bobby Slaton or who else was like headlining back then I should mention to my listeners the listeners don't know you and I are from the Bay Area I was around much longer before you came on this show a lot but I always remember you being very funny and happy you were always happy to be in a comedy club and you were very comfortable around the comedians I guess so I definitely felt intimidated by you and Lank and Earl you guys were like a you were intimidated? yes we were good I mean why? well there was like this negativity right? I mean it was a crushing negativity that was very funny but I also felt like I wasn't as dark as you guys were and so you probably thought I was a lightweight and so that that kind of made me I guess sort of mad and maybe you guys didn't feel that way I had no idea I think there's a difference between me and Lank and Earl in terms of offstage I wasn't watching Lank and Earl would sit John Ross and I were talking about this there were comics who would sit and watch other comics and critique them I wasn't one of those guys I guess I had you guys maybe the first time I met maybe you guys were all together at one point and I met you and I was like oh that's that posse like San Francisco had these little groups I think people assume when they meet me that I'm a certain type that I'm judgmental, that I watch comedy I just care about what's in front of me what are you what Alex you're giving me a dirty what? that I'm judgmental? I'm judgmental when it comes to the acts that are in front of me and I just don't want them to curse that's all but I never like yeah so Bobby Slayton was my hero Dana you know my god yeah my god Warren Thomas was great but he wasn't a hero of mine in terms of like oh I want to do that whatever he was doing was just super different from what I aspire to but it was really funny but Dana Carvey was and I'm nothing like Dana Carvey now it's weird but at the time I was like oh yeah that's what I want to talk about I don't want to be like that guy where was the first place you did stand up Foo bars Tree was hosting Tom was the owner of Foo bars John Tibido John Tebow but I think it was the old it was the first location it wasn't the second one that moved to Martinez right so it was it was a poet who owned Foo bars really?  I was so nervous I took classes with John Cantu I love John Cantu he was the best this guy is so litigious there's another comedy coach in the Bay Area Jim Richardson? I'm not going to say his name because you're bad enough with lawyers already and he was awful and he tried to make out with me and stuff like that and Cantu was a former porn star and he could have been more of a gentleman he was great John Cantu by the way I had a coach in the early 80s who also he coached me and then I was working off these free gigs for like 5 years he wouldn't leave me alone but John Cantu was one of the original founders of the Holy City Zoo loved comedy and I would say he was kind of coaching me he was no longer with the Holy City Zoo he coached me about picking up women actually he did well I guess that's the guy but he was polite around you right? totally I was shocked when I found out he was a porn star because he never gave off any vibe or anything like that he was a true student of comedy he studied comedy writing he showed me the books and he showed me associations he genuinely loved comedy he was one of those guys who would get a room going and he'd stand on the street and say comedy, comedy, comedy comedy, comedy, comedy and they used to make fun of him for doing that I used to think that's the most noble thing any man can do bark people into a room and scream comedy and he ran the Holy City Zoo I always felt he never got the thanks the credit, yeah for sure he deserved I miss the early days of San Francisco God I know it was really awesome and you moved to LA to do what? I didn't I I guess I was right I was on Bonnie Hunt I was working on a website here that went down and then I had a baby oh so you moved to New York I remember, that's right and I remember you living in New York and you telling me where you lived and you had a baby and I remember thinking that is hard that's not good I mean you were taking the sub I mean you not a good neighborhood now Hamiltonites by the time it was I never felt in danger ever on 145th and it's really it's becoming a destination it's like the last affordable place in Manhattan how many years did you live in Manhattan? I'm still there I got my place in 2004 and then I moved to New York in 1999 and lived in Brooklyn for a couple years and then various places with an ex boyfriend until I got my own place you were intimating we have like 5 minutes left this was great it really was where are you doing stand up tonight? tonight I'm at New York comedy club and I go back and forth a couple of times how many sets are you doing today? they're an hour apart and it takes about 30 minutes to get to each one and they're each 15 minutes so I wiggle room in case either one goes later do you waste any time? yeah I mean today I should have been writing something and instead I was on Twitter complaining about Paris or what you know what I mean that's when I'm supposed to be doing something I like to go on Twitter and just tweet about the news your work ethic is amazing I don't know I mean I just don't want to be when I do my spot on Conan next week when I walk out there I want to know I did every possible set I could to find any kind of flaws in a joke I don't want to find out on stage this thing's too long this part's too long I want to find it out now I feel like I kind of did and now it's just cementing it in my head I just know how I want to feel when I feel like I've done every possible thing I've done every possible gig and worked it out then I don't have any security in my head there's nothing else I could have done do you like to bomb the knife? yes because then you're afraid if you keep killing I mean it's one thing to go you want to know you have a good set and stuff but if the last set in your head is a bomb it keeps you it's a good petrified you're like I still have to work for this if you've been killing and killing and killing you kind of walk out a little too cocky and the audience could hand you your ass for a second you'll have that shocked look on your face like wait I'm not killing I want to go out and know expecting you just got to know the worst can happen the audience can suck they cannot be into you and as long as you remember that and it helps to have a bomb close to the actual day you're doing a TV to keep that memory because you go out and you have the bomb in your head now you're on TV and you hear maybe two people laugh and you go that's two more than I had last night and then you can work with them yes you can build it up as opposed to I just had 800 people laugh and now there's two oh fuck this isn't going to go right my career is over I'm never your whole head can crater in a second and you still have four and a half more minutes of jokes to tell in front of a bad audience there's no way you can reset yourself you're just going to try to end it so it's better to be prepared to work really hard and finish strong do you think the audience is paying attention to how you're doing yeah I think they are I think they I think when you first come out and I don't and I think it's different for female comics I think they they evaluate you differently and I noticed like at least with Conan I think usually the first joke doesn't get that much of a laugh so the first joke doesn't get any comic tells it kind of gets an okay life yeah the audience is kind of looking at you and going is this person funny and just sort of watching you and getting I feel like they're getting taking your temperature so I would I always tell or if anyone asks like never you can go do kind of a soft joke up front like I have a soft one it's not like a killer thing it's just a kind of a chuckley thing and then it leads into really wow bam bam bam but I don't want to start with a hard joke I think they're not going to laugh at it anyway wow I've never heard anybody say that other than Rollins and Jaffee what yeah I remember you as you're saying this I remember they had told Robin Williams I read some book 30 years ago I never forgot it until you just brought it up that they had said don't go out and try to get a big laugh because they're trying to figure you out so instead of doing like a really hard joke and go for the big laugh go for a joke that explains who you are and sacrifice the big laugh to tell them who you are but I think most of us just want to go out there and you put your second best joke up front and then your killer joke to end with yeah I mean I don't yeah I have I guess I don't know mine's a little I wanted to introduce a topic that I'm a single mom and then then things about my son so that's how it starts yeah and he's a single son he's not married no I wrote Jackie Cation for a second before we go I love Jackie so do I why is Jackie Cation so magical why let me tell let me say something about Jackie Cation she was on the show recently I haven't seen her in a couple years she was did it via Skype I start talking to her and it's like I'm getting a back rub right there are certain people who have some kind of you know one of my sons has that they're just magical yeah what is it about Jackie she's just super honest and she I get the feeling she's always been this person you know that she is now that she was that way when she was 12 and 14 and she doesn't flinch I don't know there's not a lot of comics like that you know there's not a lot of people like that I'm talking about as a human being not as a comedian you know like we talk about stuff and she gives her honest reaction she doesn't pause and think which is great sometimes I'm like should we take that out you may never work that club again you know she doesn't stop herself she's not cautious I guess I don't think she needs to be because she's not coming from a bad place oh no she's not she's coming from a great place but sometimes you know it's there's certain elements of show business show business you don't want to criticize even though you're right about them just in case they're listening or something like that so yeah I don't know that's that's what's kind of compelling about her paranoia do you think because we're going to wrap it up but Kathy Griffin do you think that paranoia in show business is what kills us in other words if she ignored the trumps and didn't give the press conference and just said maybe I was wrong maybe I was right who cares and moved on we would forget about it in a week maybe I mean it's I think that's R.A. Schiffier's attitude towards that stuff like don't apologize just you know you're just part of a new cycle I think he told Steve ran his whatever the 9-11 guy he was so brave I love that guy really anybody could survive 9-11 but the courage to lie I wish I there should be a memorial for the number of people who claimed that they were there for 9-11 that's so courageous how many firemen can run up 90 flights of steps who can't do that they're trained to do it and then you get to be a hero but to lie about it I mean that's brave I read that or I heard that he said just told that guy don't mention it don't talk about it so maybe I mean there was like a thing with TIG and Louis C.K. a couple of weeks ago there was a sketch he was in on SNL that was very similar to a short film she did and she kind of talked about it and he never commented on it and it sort of just went away right but then again we like to churn stuff yeah yeah yeah because there's material to be had from that but I do think I cannot imagine the amount of death threats that Kathy Griffin got and rape threats I've had very limited exposure to that how were they yours were actually more rape invitations they weren't threats they were an evite to a rape yeah isn't that you know I'm so naive I had Tom McCaffrey on the show he's a comic who's going to law school and he started talking about cocaine like people do cocaine and I'm going really I can't believe now in law school? people are doing cocaine and I know this sounds disingenuous and I apologize for asking this question do you get on twitter do people come after you? sometimes I mean not too there's a couple times during the election before the election where some of the pepe the frog guys came after me but it wasn't anything terrible but you know when they all decide they get together on some kind of 4-chan group and decide to go after Kathy Griffin it's got to be fucking wretched you know some guy photoshopped me on a body that was being raped I'm like ugh and I reported him to twitter and somebody else tweeted my address and that's when I realized oh people could find out where I live and I got that taken down so that happened so I'm sure if she's part of a very not only an untargeted attacks by people that were just outraged but by people who decide we're going to destroy her on twitter I'm sure her mentions must be horrific and will be for a really long time you know yeah hmm so that might be why she apologized because that's a way to maybe stop some of it I don't think so though I think it makes it worse maybe you're right I don't know but I also think people may have pointed out wow this is what that image represents to that would be the only thing I would think of is that there are Americans whose kids of adult kids have been beheaded by Daniel Pearl and that journalist and had the heads held up and I was come on do you want to I don't know for me I would be like I don't want to poke that one I wouldn't have done it I'm glad she did it I think it's this is a guy who phones in drone airstrikes 40 innocent serians and goes and has dessert this guy has so much blood on his hands for us to be fixating on Kathy Griffin when he's denying 25 million kids food stamps and we're supposed to worry about his 10 year old son I would just I don't even think the 10 year old saw it because I have a 10 year old son and he does not watch the news he's not on twitter I guarantee if Barron saw if Barron saw that picture and thought it was real his first reaction would be finally and his second would be like who is that guy who is that guy so there's no way he saw it unless it was shown to him and if for some reason and now we're saying Melania watches the news like they live in a news house where Melania has the news on no way he saw it unless it was deliberately shown to him and the fact that Trump mentioned his son in a tweet actually invites everyone to talk about it now so he's the one who put his son out on the line not Kathy Griffin so that's just really appalling like I make jokes about my son but I never say his name and for all you know I don't have one I'm just making it up I don't post his picture on twitter or anything like that he could be a character I've created so for him when he brought my 11 year old son Baron Trump you just made him a target when you said his name like that and he wasn't a target that's why Katie Rich got in so much trouble but now he is a target yeah we're going to wrap it up there's an article in the New York Times about Jared Kushner and his real estate he's a slum war you read that article about what they do to poor people all the paperwork people with cancer and they have kids who are sick and they evict them or they sue them for $5,000 and make them homeless these are horrible, horrible people and yet they play the victim card everybody's a victim now even Donald Trump and Melania because Kathy Griffin did something she should have done I wish an artist had done it instead of Kathy Griffin because I don't think an artist would take that much grief it's going to hurt her live performances it's just, you know let's plug your podcast and then I want to tell you about some podcasts that are coming out of the show Brizz Studios hey can I ask a favor? whatever you want I and the people that helped produce my special we entered it as a possible Emmy nomination yes if you're voting, I know there's a lot or probably a lot of writers that listen to this podcast if you're eligible to vote it would be under outstanding special writing if I could be one of your selectors I would appreciate it let me just say to my cleaning lady who gets the ballot and votes you do realize that those are the people who do the voting, my kids used to do the voting no oh my god not for the nominations to I mean I'm not nominated it's just the ballot to be nominated you gave it to your kids I'm joking I take just had a seizure I take the TV Academy very seriously okay good I'll vote for it so the name of the special is 45 jokes about my dead dad vote for it in what category writing, outstanding variety special okay for some reason they should have a special stand up special but they don't so okay any other things you want my listeners to do nope have you heard about Thought Spiral it's a new podcast that Andy Kindler is doing with J. Elvis Weinstein oh yeah I have heard that they had a podcast I didn't know that was the name of it have you heard of Defend Your Movie with Sean Donnelly he invites one of his friends to defend a movie that they love you should do that podcast have you heard of Fat Pig no Jessica Curson have you ever eaten frosting out of a can what's that or emptied an entire pizza all by yourself Jessica Curson and Frank Lottie talk about food addiction closeted eating, binging diet shame, fat camp have you ever seen Jessica Curson perform yeah she's great she's amazing she has a podcast called Fat Pig and the Carson podcast Mark Malkoff talks with guests about Johnny Carson cool you guys got some cool stuff lined up and what is the name of your podcast the Jackie and Laurie show like 70 ish you've done 70 episodes with her how can you stand her wait a minute it's like no it's like I get a migraine whenever I'm around Jackie she's so hateful and jealous and competitive she said such horrible things about you I agree with them she said they must be true she only speaks the truth thanks thanks for listening that's our show remember to watch Lori Kilmartin on Conan this week TBS please remember to do all your Amazon shopping via the David Feldman show website let me know if you're shopping on Amazon just hit the contact button it doesn't cost you more money to shop on Amazon and I can assure you every penny we get goes towards keeping the lights on if you're enjoying our show please share it on Facebook, Twitter, stumble upon, dig, reddit copy and paste the link to this show and share it with all your friends do it through email spread the laughs, spread the knowledge spread the love do me a favor subscribe to this show on iTunes Stitcher we have a YouTube channel it's just audio but some people like to listen to this on YouTube a good review on iTunes for as little as $5 a month you can gain access to all our premium content we accept all major credit cards go to DavidFeldmanShow.com hit the go premium button and sign up and you can gain access to all our premium content you'll be helping out this great, great show we have a contact button I answer all my emails listeners to this show who have contacted me know that I spend about an hour a day answering all my emails so please contact me, let me know how we can make this show better for you from the show Briz Studios in downtown Manhattan Medicare for All