Yes, so thank you, Oriol, thank you, Philippe, thank you Mario, and welcome to our speakers to the last panel of today, Markus and Markus Brutsch and Aurora Eilinkai. The last panel of today will be on the European Memory Initiative and developments in 2021. Just two words on our speakers. Markus Brutsch is a senior investigator and administrator at the European Parliament responsible for culture and education policies and associate professor of modern and contemporary history at Heidelberg University in Germany. He has a PhD from the European University Institute in Florence, and his main fields of interest are European political and constitutional history, political theory and philosophy comparative research on democracy and dictatorship memory and identity studies. So, his presentation will focus on the European Memory Initiative and developments in 2021, in particular legal initiatives, but also include some reflections on existing challenges for European memory and view of Black Lives Matter, for instance, and other internationalization tendencies in Eastern Europe and the legal persecution of memorial in Russia. So, as far as our second speaker is concerned, Aurora Eilinkai, she's the executive director of the Council of Europe observatory on history teaching Europe. She's currently in a educational sciences at the University of Strasbourg. She has a master's degree in political science and European studies at Sturgeon University in Paris. And her presentation will be focused on the raison d'être of the observatory on history teaching in Europe, and willing to the presentation of this new body of the Council of Europe. So, I'll add the floor to the first speaker, Markus, and then to Aurora. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Deborah, for your kind words of introduction and a big thank you to the organizers of today's conference for having me again. And I'm glad to talk about how I see recent developments of memory policies in Europe, but also beyond. Since after all, also Europe is not isolated from the rest of the world and there are clear interaction also in terms of memory policies at the global scale. If you allow, I will try to share my screen with you. So, let's see whether this works. I hope you can see my PowerPoint. Oh, super. So, what I had intended to do is to start with a few words of introduction reflection on recent developments, then really try to categorize perhaps those developments. So, what are what I consider key trends of memory politics and here I consciously use the term politics rather than policies in Europe, but also beyond. Before dealing briefly with the actions or rather reactions of the European Union and the European Parliament in particular, before finishing with a short outlook, a more personal one. So, let me start with what I called an introduction, and maybe with a question. Namely, do we see what might be called a repoliticization of history, and a return of what we might call politics of the past, meaning that the past that history and the memory thereof is consciously used for political purposes. I could argue that are certain developments that really well seem to corroborate this claim. If we are thinking about tendencies in Russia, for example, where I mean nostalgia about the Stalinist past has been ever present but we are more recently also the state societies are consciously trying to revise history, including by means of attacking a Memorial International, one of the best established organizations in the world dealing with totalitarian pasts, but not to forget the Black Lives Matter movement which has become a global movement to understand how intrinsic also structural and systemic racism is in western societies. But one could argue that even in countries like Germany, which for long has been considered as a prime example how people should deal with history in a critical manner. There are tendencies of revisionist nature, more recently, for example, the idea that the Federal Republic had never existed and that there is a direct link between the former German Empire, and which would have never ended so you see clearly that even in Germany there are tendencies that ask for a revision, at least of the way how history is dealt with. Do we really see such a return of politics of the past? Well, I would argue, maybe it's becoming more active, it's becoming more vocal, but it has always been there. It's nothing that has ever been away. And this is also simply true to the fact that historical memory is not the same as historical truth. That's something we should always keep in mind, so meaning it was always up for contestation. It's an issue of subjectivity and value judgments in the end. And history and memory thereof has always also a functional role, which means there is this ever present, like the openness to politicization of history. So politicians will always be tempted to somehow use, or even abuse, history for particular purposes, even if they might be of a very noble kind. Having said that, I just might want to repeat also for myself and for all of us also why history has become so ever present, especially at national level. Simply because historical memory is always intrinsically correlated also with nation and state building. And it is characterized also by very specific and sometimes selective references to the past, which makes for a broader public impact of such memory, which also helps to essentialize and simplify history in a way that you really manage to approach a broader audience than just trained historians. But automatically by doing that, there is this imminent tendency to always elevate national history, and sometimes also to create myths about it. So with that said, let me turn now what I consider recent developments in terms of memory policies in Europe, but also beyond as I said, and here I could identify a few trends, so to say. One of the things that I see in recent years, and in particular also 2021, that the issues of inequality and systemic racism have become problematized in the way, maybe more intensively than before. And here I can mention again what I already did before the Black Lives Matter movement. You see that those new dealing with inequality and racism has sometimes led to a very confrontational status of history. And I quote here the example of the United States, where you see that the 69 project I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with it with the New York Times project, trying to argue that actually the founding moment of the United States of America is not so much 1776 as we all assume, but rather 1619 the moment when the first slaves were brought to the North American continent. But this drive for a more critical dealing with racism in the United States was almost immediately countered during the Trump administration still by the so called 1776 Commission, a very official commission that the main task of which was actually to show that it's not true. The true founding moment is still 1776. And there is nothing like systemic racism in the United States. And you can see the political nature of this conflict by the fact that the 1776 Commission was abandoned on 20 January. And here the very moment that Joe Biden, the new president assumed office. So on the very first day in office he abandoned that commission we chose also the, well, genuinely political character also of dealings with history. The only trend that I can see is that colonial and post-colonial controversies are resurfacing. And here I'm just quoting one example, a recent one, France and the Algerian war. This was once by President Macron, for example, acknowledging also that the dealings with the hard keys, the supporters of the French government during that war, that more attention needs to be paid to them, but also sending a message to Algerian that the colonial past cannot be an excuse for political failings in the present of those states, which created, of course, an outcry on the Algerian side saying that France has not yet overcome its colonial past and so forth. So we see also here, maybe again, strong controversies around the issue of colonialism. A third trend I have witnessed recently is the attempt to reform history education and in particular history curricular in a neo-nationalistic way. Again, to try to interpret history in a very national and nationalistic manner and trying rather to forget about European or global dimensions. And here I'm quoting just the example of Poland, where the ambition is to rewrite the history curriculum to put a stronger focus on a more nation and religion centric history teaching again, then is currently the case. And secondly, what I see also and this is maybe the most troubling development is the conscious suppression also of critical dealings with troubled pasts and here Russia is certainly a key example with the harassment of Memorial International. So I think really to try to rewrite history by getting rid of organizations that are attempting to critically deal with those histories and especially totalitarian pasts. Of course, you could add maybe more developments. This is more like what I consider the main developments that I hope they provide you with an idea of where I see that currently most of the memory fights are currently ongoing. What are the actions or other reactions of the European Union to those developments? Well, in that sense, again, it's maybe good to recapitulate what are the imperatives so to say of European memory policies. I think we are all not so naive to believe that of course memory policies are just done for the sake of trying to get a better understanding of the past. But it's also about generating political legitimacy for the European Union and the European project and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I think it's worthwhile also just to keep that in mind. It's about fostering something like European identity. In these context and as you are also aware, there are traditional reference points in that context European cultural heritage, the Second World War and European integration process, as such as we just heard celebrating also like crucial documents in that European integration process. Then we have the more specific reference point since the 1990s, which still play a predominant role, also in the new program, as we heard this morning, namely the Holocaust and more generally 20th century totalitarianisms in the plural. The activities of the EU and the European Parliament in particular have traditionally been focused on the one hand on awareness raising political activities and initiatives. So supporting the Holocaust Remembrance Day becoming established throughout Europe, establishing the European Day of Remembrance for victims of Stalinism and Nazism the 23rd of August, but also different resolutions the latest big one being in 2019 at the occasion of the 28th anniversary of the beginning of the Second World War, the IP resolution on the importance of European remembrance for the future of Europe. So here also clearly linking that dealing with the past is crucial not just for the present but also for the future of our continent and the European Union in particular. A very important role plays the previous Europe for Citizens program that is now luckily continued in form of the CERF program, but you can also see the advocacy of the European Parliament and the European institutions in general for the European Year of Cultural Heritage as a sign how important history and the memory thereof is at European level and of course I should mention the establishment and the further development of the House of European History, including the Jean Monnet House, which is kindly hosting also today's event. Having said that, it's important to keep in mind that maybe what appears as a more or less coherent memory policy and strategy of the European Union and the European Parliament is not always like that and that there are also failed initiatives in the past and I mentioned one time that in 2013 there was the attempt to go for a parliament resolution on historical memory and culture and education in the European Union, so to say to agree on how we should deal with history in the fields of culture and education. And this initiative already failed at committee stage simply due to the lack of any cross-party agreement and missing maturities for any possible solution, so it shows that still history continues to be a very contested thing even at the level of the European Union. What are now current EP initiatives and actions to give you an idea what is really currently ongoing? Research has been commissioned on European memory and adequate ways of dealing with troubled past at supranational level by the European Parliament, why to prepare a planned 2022 own initiative report on European historical consciousness. So the attempt and could argue to try again almost 10 years after that failed initiative, which I mentioned, whether something like a European policy statement on historical consciousness can be established at the EP level. At the same time there is a clear public reputation of misrepresentations of European and national histories and the defense of independent historical research and the critical collective memory. I mentioned two examples here, there was a letter exchange between the chair of the cult committee in this case and the Polish Minister of Education on the plant a curricular reform in Poland, in which also the European Parliament asked for clarification what does it mean, like going back to a more nationalistic history, does it mean what role does Europe still play and and very recently the public reputation in an open letter to the Russian authorities criticizing the legal prosecution of Memorial International which is currently undergoing and published soon. So these are like some of the actions and initiatives that are currently ongoing at that level. That brings me to to my last slide to an outlook. How do I see a European memory politics and especially policies developing in the future. Well, there will be this ever present gulf between history on the one hand and politics on the other which is almost hard to breach in the sense of that while history is in the end about trying to find evidence. Politics is in the end also about power and there will always be this contestation also at European level. What I still see is a bit of a discrepancy between aspiration and reality in the sense of like what what policy documents but also the programs that are in place are actually asking and the reality we are facing every day in Europe, where we see that history is very actively used and abused for very concrete political purposes, especially by some member states. That we are still facing the fact that we, there is not one single memory frame in Europe, but rather they are different competing memory frames, where different elements play a different role for different nations in Europe. Of course, our remembrance is still characterized also by teleology. Usually the idea that we are aiming for something better than the past was. And also to a degree of reductionism in the sense of we try to to reduce our historical memory to very specific moments very specific interpretations and elements. There is the ever present discrepancy between the European and the national level which is still a bit unresolved and which is also corroborated by misreadings of what European historical memory should be, which some still seem to see oh it's like one memory everyone should be aware why it's really more about trying to to deal with the past in a common way, but also a misreading of European citizenship which is not about creating citizens that think that in a very similar or even the same way, but rather creating critical Europeans. Which is why and this is my set that on Zensio for which I have argued for many years, I still see the need to move from a remembrance culture that is focused on what to remember and how to remember, rather as a first step to a culture of remembering to develop tools and that we can exchange critically about the past and that our own ideas get confronted with those of others. And I would say that today's meeting is a very good example for doing exactly that that we meet that we share experiences, share views, and those shared views this multi to use Constanze's term from the beginning allows us also to see things through a European plans. I think I will stop here I thank you for your attention and I'm glad to take any questions you may have. Thank you very much. Okay, thank you. Many thanks to Marcus Brut for his presentation. I think we can go on with our second speaker's presentation and at the end of the panel to take questions to both of them. So Aurora, please. Yes. Yes. So, good day everybody, and I apologize in advance for the quality of the sound I might cut the camera because it cuts already. I cut already two times, since I managed to connect so I have some technical issues. And I'm on my mobile phones and we don't have a wifi in the office in the Council of Europe. So I let a bit the camera so we see me now but I will cut it so it's much easier for me to count on the good connection. If you don't mind so Okay, now. Thank you so much to Marty for this invitation. I am the executive director of the newly established observatory on history teaching in Europe in the Council of Europe and I'm very happy to be with you today knowing that of course as far as I could follow in the discussion. There is a focus very much on the content on the work that is being done and being here for the first time and being invited to introduce to you the observatory on history teaching in Europe. I will have a short presentation that will not bring you so much information on the content of the work of the observatory. And this is for the simple reason that we started to work on the activities on the on the program of the observatory to months ago more or less because we spend the month since the observatory was established on building the structure of the observatory. The observatory on history teaching in Europe is a newly established as I said by the in the Council of Europe fully part of the Council of Europe, but established as an partial agreement. It is a large partial agreement of the Council of Europe and this is for those that don't know this it's a form of cooperation that allows Member States of the Council of Europe to be part of such a cooperation initiatives or not. And being in large partial agreement, it's open to any other country in the world. It could be a European country or from another continent, but that's for the prospect that we have for the observatory something that hopefully will be very interesting to look at in the future. We focus now on the Member States of the Observatory and we have 17 of the Council of Europe Member States already part of the observatory. This initiative was launched during the French presidency of the Committee of Minister in the Council of Europe, and it was adopted during the French presidency and established in November 2020. So I was appointed myself in April this year and we started to function with the governing board, the Scientific Advisory Council, the selection of experts. So the group of experts working also on the activities of the observatory very recently as I said. Deborah, you mentioned a raison d'etre of the observatory at the beginning when we introduced the topic and I'm really sorry I don't have a PowerPoint presentation, but this is again the connection issues. And this makes me just go back to the previous presentation because listening to the previous speaker. I think that many things were mentioned in his presentation and not only the politician will always use and abuse history, but I will go into the main, let's say, reason why we established this observatory and it's really looking at the present time of history, these times of increased challenge, challenges to democracy, and the fact that these challenges are very often connected to the manipulation of history or the distortion of history. And we considered in the Council of Europe or human rights organization that such an observatory is vital in this in these times. The main activity of the observatory will be to have to make a picture of the situation of teaching history of the state of teaching history in the member states. And this is as the president of the board is always underlying a very modest objective. And we start with a very modest objective really to show through concrete data, what's the state of art when it comes to history teaching, because many reports show that there is a direct link between teaching history and the way history is taught and the state of democracy. And basically, it's mainly linked to how the new generation, how the people, the students in school are prepared to be citizens in societies and how they are prepared to preserve and to promote democracy. History education having a very important role in this. And we notice that apart the actors and stakeholders that are very much, I mean that are working in the field and are very familiar with the I mean, it's basically the specialized public, you know, scholars inside that of networks like, you know, some of them that you may know like your or or other of this type. So the state of play it's poorly known by the majority of the European society. And for this reason, the observatory has been mandated to collect all relevant information on the whole chain of teaching from the education establishment and the content of the curricula, the deductive, the status of textbooks and of the schools themselves, the teaching and recruitment of teachers. So the whole education system and down to the margin of maneuver left to the teachers on the pedagogy and teaching material that they use and methods. And to this, of course, also the non formal education. So we will have what we call the regular reports and the first one is planned to be ready by the end of 2023. And, and this reports will be used. The results of this reports will be a very good source of information that will be used by the networks of institution organization, the specialized public, the experts and professionals in the field of history education for further action. In addition to the regular reports that is the main is the main activity of the observatory. We also produce what we call thematic reports and the thematic reports are produced on specific topics that are proposed by the scientific advisory council and approved by the governing board. And the first thematic report will be on pandemics and natural disasters reflected as reflected in history teaching. So that would be a first report due to be published by the end of 2022 next year. And for the thematic reports, we will also, in a way, test the methodology that it's used for the for gathering the data and analyzing the data for the regular reports. So the, the work of the observatory is basically there to support what the Council of Europe does in the intergovernmental project on history education. And this is the project that exists in the Council of Europe for a long while. We started to work in the Council of Europe on this topic in first with basically the adoption of the cultural convention in 1954, but there were a set of projects and programs in the Council of Europe that focused on history education. And the latest project that is now implemented by the Education Department in the Council of Europe is very much, of course, corresponding also to the objectives that we have with the observatory on history teaching. Our first public event took place last week. It was a promotional exercise, first of all, so we planned to speak about the about the observatory to the public to make it known to bring around the table possible partners. I see that my camera is moving, but okay, now it's working. So possible partners and here is where we met with the Jamone House and we launched formally what we call a cooperation platform or a cooperation hub. So the idea is that at least once per year that we organize a big forum in which all the institutions, organizations, intergovernmental and non-governmental institution will have a forum of discussion in which the state of history teaching will be discussed but also the most burning topics that are related to it and the impact history education can have, of course, in our societies. I will stop here and if you have any questions I will be happy to answer and I promise that in the next meeting there will be much more to say about the observatory because I wanted to be brief and just introduce you to the observatory. But next year we will have more to say in terms of content of the work, the results of the work of the observatory and especially also the content of these reports that we just launched some weeks ago. Thank you very much. And thank you again, Marty, for the invitation and sorry for the connection problems. You're welcome. Many thanks for these very interesting presentations. So I open the floor if someone of the attendees have a question for one or both the speakers. You can simply speak or rise in the chat. Maybe I'll jump in first like last time just because then I think last time it had a good effect that then there were more questions after. Well, thank you very much to both Marcus and Aurora. It was just great as we expected. We're not of course mistaken in asking you both to present extremely interesting topics. You gave like a really, really broad overview and that's just what we needed this kind of like also refreshing perspective. As I said at the beginning after the dryness maybe but also important of course of the facts and figures and specs that we saw more clearly in the first session. That is precisely the goal of this meeting to reunite both dimensions in one single event. I have one specific concern in general, not just today but it's about the geographical scope of our actions in general. So there was a question about that earlier on I think it was with regards I think we all asked about the scope of the program, the surf program of the commission asking if non EU member states were eligible. Well, it goes in that direction I question. I think unfortunately that that the geographical scope of the different initiatives is still very uneven. And of course because of the institutional membership and I could not be otherwise. But at the same time, we are in need of doing of sending a message that is valid for all the continent, you know, regardless of membership of institutional arrangements etc. Maybe, I mean it can be also a question to Marcus but more specifically in more practical terms also to Aurora. I would like to know how she sees that the precisely the potential for complementarities in this respect between the Council of Europe and the EU institutions. I'm just going to just bring in like an element that we haven't discussed until now, maybe I was sitting in for the conclusions without saying now is that I think we have one piece of good news is that in the last European Parliament Bureau approved a new distinction for European democracy sites and luckily in the direction it is not just for EU member states, but also for states that belong to to the neighborhood policy the EU neighborhood policy. I think it's it's it's one step in that direction, maybe not enough, maybe we need much more, but I would like to know what you, how you see this this question both in, let's say conceptual and practical terms. Thank you. I can just mention something briefly, again with apologies because I didn't follow the whole discussion but, but we did look into different initiatives before even we had our annual conference last week. And, and especially with the EU when it comes to the European Parliament or with the European Commission, of course we consider European Union as a very important partner. And that's also illustrated in in our status of the observatory where the EU and UNESCO are mentioned specifically but other international organizations as well in the governmental organization that can either cooperate directly with the observatory requesting observer status or to be member or through concrete cooperation in the activities that are developed by the observatory. Now, definitely the interest of the observatory in history teaching is to have as many partners as possible. It comes to the dissemination of the results of the reports but also on the follow up actions when the reports will be ready. So if for the reports we have quite specific methodology with different layers that will ensure objectivity to gather the data and analyze the data from the member states transparency, of course, but, but with the scientific advisory council which is an independent body overseeing the work of the observatory also to have the academic rigor academic support and methodological, of course, quality of the works. So at this level, I think that there is still place for cooperation because in the methodology when data for the reports are gathered by the different experts, there might be different approaches proposed by external partners or simply we may need to have a partnership with structures that are directly working with the student associate association or parents association because different approaches and point of view should be also be reflected in this, in these reports. This is a more specific type of cooperation that I wouldn't go into discussing now because it demands a separate discussion with the with our scientific advisory council, the experts, etc. But for the cooperation that is needed on the results of the reports and the follow up to these results it's a nation of the reports and any action that should be taken afterwards. As I mentioned before we launched this informer platform for cooperation that we want to develop more next year, and vice president skinners of the commission was present in our annual conference last week, and he kindly announced political support from the European commission for the works of the observatory, including a financial support that is foreseen already in the Erasmus plus project. So we now explore this how this can be done in such a way that all the existing existing initiatives because there are so many are so supported by the commission and being already either under development or proposed for financing next year or in the next year. So we want to first of all avoid any overlap with what exists already, but build freely on the actions that are complemented with the observatories work and can combine this intergovernmental approach that we have in the Council of Europe with the observatory and intergovernmental also actions that we can see in different projects or different partnerships between academia between museums between any non governmental organization that work that works on on history education. So, just to summarize Marty for the for the question I think that there are many perspective for cooperation. We hope that with the launching of a joint project between the observatory on the European Commission, many of them will be let's say scanned at least so we know what exists and where we can cooperate. But you are very present in the in this hub for cooperation I think we bring a lot because you could also propose or tell us, as you did last week in the meeting of course, how we can move on together on this. What is that important is to know that we are very open for this and definitely consider cooperation with the other organization, very important. Deborah may I just come in also briefly because I think Marty raised a really important conceptually she just wanted to follow up on what Aurora was referring to that I think a better or a wider geographical scope of European historical memory initiatives I think is absolutely important. I mean, especially since what does this geographical imbalance tell us and the imbalance exists already within the European Union that it might reflect also fundamentally different understandings of history and memory and I think the Brexit was a very good example for that and one of the reasons why I think you know the Brexit happened was also fundamentally different interpretation of the role of what Europe is what European integration project is about. So I think it's important also in a very selfish interest of the Union to widen the scope and I think the Council of Europe is an obvious target in that sense that at least you go to those countries that are not yet or no longer both members of the European Union to be included but while doing that we should also not forget that replacing nationalism by Eurocentrism alone is also not the solution in other words, we should also always keep also the global context in mind. I don't really see a risk for that but obviously, you know, we also have to keep in mind Europe is also only part of the world an important one, especially historically, but also simply one part of many, many others. Many thanks. Anybody else from the from the attendees from the participants. Any question for our last panel, or in general, also, or the other. Maybe just I have a proposal maybe just to break the ice a little bit. We have like basically 15 minutes that that should be for conclusions but I think it might be more just to devote these 15 minutes to have like a conversation and just to also invite everybody and all the other just to also to jump in and to react to what has been said to do just a more lively because I think maybe, of course, this is extremely interesting and I'm, I wrote down things for my conclusions that actually more than conclusions are like just invitations to further discussion so then I don't think it's fair that I say those things, you know, and then, then it's the end of the conference and they cannot, they cannot be a reaction. So, maybe I'm just going to, to say what I wanted to say both as as conclusions as and maybe response to, to, to, to Marcus and Aurora for for their extremely interesting answer now. And then I would like to maybe to invite the persons I mentioned but also all the other participants to have more like more like maybe spontaneous interventions or like maybe short statements and again invitations to continue that in other, in other settings.


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With young children very often we make choices for them. We tell them where to stand, where to sit, how to behave, what is expected. Choices are something that as a children develop need to also be given the opportunity to make on their own. So in my classroom many times I'll give them two choices of something. You can have this or you can have that. Which one are you going to choose? Thank you. That is a kind choice. And that gives them ownership over themselves and their own responsibilities that I made that decision and I have control of my life. Of course every now and then there are choices that we need to make for them as teachers for safety and for instructional purposes and for the reasons to keep them aware that we are still in charge, but that as they develop choices are very necessary and important for their development.


You just heard from Steve Nash. They have won four games in a row. One of those games was over the Lakers. They're playing with a lot of confidence. And they're led by Shay Gilgis Alexander, who, back in the off season, had an interview with GQ. And he described himself as the black Steve Nash. That's high praise for himself. But he's been playing terrific basketball in his time with the Oklahoma City Thunder. He's now in his fourth season in the league. He's averaging about 23 points per game. Earlier, Steve Nash was asked about that Shay Gilgis Alexander comment. He was flattered but also had this to say about the Toronto native. It's fun for me to see all these young Canadians doing so well. And he's right at the top of the list. So he's got an incredible career ahead of him. And it's been really fun to watch his early development here and to recognize too that he's still going to get better and better. So it's going to be fun to watch him play for many years. Somewhat of a homecoming, Blake Griffin, of course, from Oklahoma, play college basketball here. So looking forward to playing in front of these fans. And of course, James Hardin and Kevin Durant, the time that they spent in OKC. Kevin hasn't been in this building since 2018. So should be a ruckus crowd here at Paycom Center as James makes his return. Katie makes his return. And Blake Griffin is well, Chris.


The East Kentucky Dream Center is calling all cooks, food lovers, or anyone who wants to help a local cause to take part in their Dream Center Dinner Auction. So at the Dream Center, one of our goals is we're all about family. We're all about bringing families around the dinner table. So I thought, let's do a dinner auction. Chicken and dumplings and mashed potatoes, a roast and cornbread and coleslaw. Just an actual full meal. We also threw in some dessert just in case. The East Kentucky Dream Center currently feeds around 700 people a week. Rachel asked to keep up with an increased demand. They try to plan auctions and different events to receive help from the community. You know, as the costs go on, we have to think outside the box for marketing opportunities and fundraising opportunities. So we just thought this is something that we can help families come together while also helping us. If somebody wants to submit a meal, all they have to do is message me or message our Dream Center page. We're doing everything by safety rules.  So I'm just asking everybody that is volunteered to make something and donate. If you've had any sickness in your household, any fever, any symptoms at all, go ahead and back out. The person's not going to get mad. We're not going to get mad. So if they want to donate, they can just message us on our Facebook, message me on my Facebook. It takes me. Call me, let us know. We'll do that until 6pm. And bidding will end at 8pm. At that time, I will put together the winner and the cook, and we'll just let them decide what is best and what's going to work for both of their schedules to pick it up and make it. Here at Pikeville Medical Center's Heart and Vascular Institute, we have assembled a comprehensive team of cardiac specialists bringing expertise from all regions of the nation and the world. We have coupled that with cutting edge technology, providing them the best equipment and operating rooms available. The result is comprehensive cardiac care for the people of our region that is second to none. The Heart and Vascular Institute at Pikeville Medical Center. Rachel adds that you can donate one of your family favorite meals or one of your personal favorites. All proceeds are going to benefit the Dream Center's meal program, which provides free meal twice a week to those in need. All the bids, we start them out 15-20 bucks, so everything is affordable, but you're making a difference in someone's life. You're not just encouraging a dinner for your family around the table. You're also helping to feed those in our community that are struggling. For more information, visit the East Kentucky Dream Center Dinner Auction Facebook page. Donation submissions end at 6pm and bidding will end at 8pm. Reporting from Mountain Top News, I'm Jeremy Justice.


Welcome to Toffy TV, it is the Everton News daily. Rich Welsh has agreed a new four year deal with Everton. That takes him through to 2026. The young defender who has been at Everton since the age of seven made his first team debut last season coming on as a late substitute in the 2-0 home win over Boreham Wood in the FA Cup and made his first full start for the first team in Everton's 1-0 Carabao Cwm. He is a big imposing centre back, lots of talent. The club are really great and really highly. Seems to have all the attributes that could go on to be a real good first team defender for Everton. Still got a long way to go obviously. He has been training in part of Frank Llanpart's first team squad, training since the back end of last season and all summer and then obviously into this season as well. He has got a chance. It will be interesting to see what happens now. I think had Jerry Meaner and Ben Goffrey not suffered injuries, long term injuries, I think maybe Everton would have allowed them to go out on loan this season. That may well still be the case come the January transfer window. You may see him go out on loan for the remainder of the season but right now he is in Everton's first team squad. He is training with the players every single day. He said he was absolutely delighted to sign in your four year deal. Being at the club since he was seven, praised the coaching of Frank Llanpart, praised Ashley Cole's input as well and then said learning off Connor Cody and James Tarkovsky seeing them every day is contributing to his all round education in the game. The way Connor Cody and James Tarkovsky are playing at the moment is a fantastic example for a young player to learn. If he can get anything off them in terms of how they conduct themselves and training every day, how they are on the pitch, the way they defend, then if he can use that as well as the stuff he will be getting off the likes of Ashley Cole, then with the physical attributes he could go far in the game. Good luck to him. Kevin Thelwell said that it was a reward for Reese's hard work. The new contract says that he was all part of trying to create this clear pathway for talented players in Everton's academy right the way through to the first team. That's what we're building towards and the contract for Reese's Welsh is a fair example of that. Good luck and congratulations to Reese's Welsh. Frank Llanpart has praised midfielder Alex Awobi following another exciting display from the Nigerian international on Saturday in Everton's 2-1 win at St Mary's. Awobi had another assist providing the cross for Dwight McNeill's winning goal. A captain of that all round, explosive display was all over the pitch. He's really, since moving into the centre of the park, he's put in some tremendous performances. Obviously he got into the team and Llanpart tried them there late on last season and he done really well, still playing in other positions as well, ended up playing right wing back. They didn't need by the end of the season but he's come back in the summit, got his head down and has became a centre midfielder and has done really, really well. Llanpart has praised his work ethic, said every day in training, he's low maintenance, he comes in, he puts everything in, sets examples as well and went on to admit that he wouldn't have liked playing against Awobi due to that energetic style and the fact that he can go both ways with the ball and is a box to box player so it would have been difficult to keep track of. But it's a brilliant story really of Awobi's going from a player who was on the periphery and certainly in supporters minds was a sub at best and now every supporter, I'm quite sure he's one of the first names on the team sheet now in every supporters minds. So that's a brilliant turn around and long making, he looks happy, he looks confident, he looks like he's really settled now, he's providing goals which is fantastic just if he could get a few goals himself that would cap what has been a tremendous turn and so hopefully he can add those goals to his games. Evan have today announced that they've extended their kit deal with Hummel for another year, their contract with Hummel was due to finish next summer in 2023 but they've now extended it by another 12 months to finish in the summer of 2024, which is obviously when Evan had due to move into their new stadium than a Bromley Mawd doch, that falls in line with a couple of other commercial deals as well which are also due to finish that summer. So obviously there'll be a lot built around moving into the new stadium and Evan will have the opportunity to renew these deals with the sponsors or to get more lucrative deals and as we obviously commercially we become a more commercially attractive product certainly by being city centre down by the river and all of that stuff and everything that a new stadium brings as well but it's a sensible move really by Evan to extend that by another 12 months. Right now in the financial world there's a lot going on, obviously the pounds struggling and people who have more money might not have as much money now these companies to spend and to give the deal to pay Evan for that kind of retail space on the front of the sheat and everything else so that's the news that's come out today that it is a 12 month extension so there you go. And finally Evan under 21s are in action tonight in the EFL, Papa John's Trophy, they play Harrogate Town, if you are an Evan member or a season ticker holder you can watch the game live that kicks off right now on Evan's channel so if that's what you are one of those two people get over there and you get the chance to watch the young blues taking on Harrogate tonight. That is it for the news daily give the video a thumbs up, subscribe if you haven't and if you want to become a Trophy TV Premier member click the QR code on screen or click the link in the description. See you later.


So, how do you know if you value yourself? We talk a lot about valuing yourself and how important it is on this channel a lot, and so today I'm going to be talking about nine different signs that show that you value yourself. So do you value yourself? I guess we'll find out here in just a second. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you want to get into a great relationship where you're seen and loved and valued and cherished, make sure that you go check out my site at theforeverwomanformula.com and sign up and get my program for free over there. Okay, so one of the things that I talk about a lot is value and how important it is to value yourself because of something that I call the law of belief transference. So the more certain that you are about something, then someone else is, the more likely it is that you're going to transfer your beliefs over to that person.  By the way, if you're here with us right now, make sure you say hi in the chat. It's really cool seeing all these women from all over the world watching these videos. Say hi and let us know where it is in the world you are. So what are the signs that you value yourself? The first one is that you assume attraction. And so the men that you meet, you just assume that they're attracted to you. The man you're with is attracted to you. You would be surprised if they're not, but you're not attached to whether they are or not. So it's not this entitlement thing. It's not this you should be thing. It's not this you gotta be thing or please be type of thing. But you assume that you're attractive. You assume that the people that you're with are attracted to you. The men that you're around are attracted to you. You assume that you're attractive. So number two is if someone isn't right for you, they treat you poorly, you walk away from them immediately. So you know that you deserve something better. You know that you deserve more than just being treated badly. And so you know that there are other men who are out there who will treat you better. And so you don't get caught up in just, does this one guy treat me really well or not? There's this one guy and I'm attracted to him and I like him. So I gotta make this thing work out with him, but he's treating me really badly. And so I gotta make it work with him anyway. How do I get him to start treating me better type of thing? You believe that you can get someone who treats you better. And so you're willing to quickly walk away from a situation where you're not being treated well. So number three is you know that sometimes people just aren't a match. And so you're not attached to things working out or not. That doesn't mean that you don't get sad when it doesn't work out, but you know that there's always a sunrise after a sunset. So you're not attached to anything necessarily being a match because it could be, it might not be. You're coming from this space of abundance. One of the things I talk about in the Forever Woman program. And so you're not attached to anything working out with anybody because you're not desperate, you're not clingy, you're not needing their validation, you're not needing their love, you're not needing them because you find your own value within yourself and you give that to yourself, you love yourself, you treat yourself well. And so you're not worried about something being a match or not with one other person who's out there. It could be, it might not be, you're not attached to it either way. Number four is you have, you set and you stick to your boundaries.  If someone tries to break your boundaries, you firmly but kindly, right, the key emphasis here is on kindly, let them know that you don't, that you're not going to deal with that. You're not going to, you're not going to let that happen. And if they keep trying to break your boundaries, you remove yourself from the situation. You don't get angry and start attacking them. You don't try to hit them. You don't start talking about how all men are evil and whatever, right? You just remove yourself from the situation. You don't try to inflict revenge.  If you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask any questions that you have and I will get to them once I'm done here talking about all the different things. So number five is you have standards, preferences, likes and dislikes and you share those with people, right? So you believe that your likes, your dislikes and your standards are important and you're willing to express them. And that's the key emphasis right there is you're willing to express them.  And so that's really what we're talking about here is having your voice heard. Number six is you admit when you're wrong and you take ownership of your actions. So you're strong enough to take a blow to your ego, you're not worried about what are people going to think, you know, who am I to do this? Like, you know, all those things beating yourself up and all that kind of stuff. You're willing to admit that you're wrong, you're willing to take ownership of your actions and what you've done and, you know, realize that this is just a part of something that you did and sometimes you make mistakes and it's okay and it's not that big of a deal and you're willing to move on with your life. Number seven is you're confident but humble. So you think highly of yourself but you don't need to tell everybody about how great you are, right? So that's kind of the thing with narcissism that everybody's talking about is people feel really unimportant inside and so they try to overcompensate with it by telling everybody how great they are, making everything about themselves and all that kind of stuff, right? That's the key sign of a narcissist, the classical definition of a narcissist. And so, you know, that's not what you're doing. You think highly of yourself and that's okay, right? Like, thinking highly of yourself isn't a bad thing, right? So there's a lot of women out there and guys out there that are talking about narcissism nowadays and everybody's talking about how everybody's a narcissist and anytime somebody thinks highly of themselves they're like, oh, narcissist, but that's not always true, right?  If you're coming from a space of true confidence and it's just, it's funny, it's fun, it's, you know, whatever, it's not a big deal. So you're confident, but humble. Number eight is you receive openly what others give to you. So you believe that you deserve good things in your life, so you allow others to give to you. So, you know, if somebody tries to give you something, you're not trying to like push them off of it or say, no, no, no, no, I can't take that or whatever, right? You just receive what somebody tries to give to you because it's actually a gift to them to receive from them because for most people, especially with men, they feel really good about giving you something and it's actually a win for them and so you allow them to give you something and you believe that you deserve good things so you allow yourself to receive from them. Number nine is you stay out of relationships that aren't right for you. So you wait for the potential, you wait for the potential to be loved and valued, right? So you get into situations where you know that at least that potential is there. You don't get into situations where you're already at the bottom. You get into situations where somebody values you, right? You get into a situation where the potential of being loved and creating that amazing relationship is there. So what people that don't value themselves do is they accept bad behavior and they get into spots where people don't value them and then it's like this challenge and I got to get up to the top and I got to work on them and I got to make them see my value and all that kind of stuff and you're doing that because you don't really see your value and deep inside you kind of feel like you deserve something that's negative towards you and getting hurt and all that other kind of stuff and if you really value yourself, you don't allow yourself to experience that. And so lastly here before I go to question and answer, I just want to read a little thing that I have here that I found that I thought was really interesting and so I thought you'd want to hear it and so here it goes. It says, a father before he died said to his son, this is a watch your grandfather gave me and it's more than 200 years old but before I give it to you, go to the watch shop on First Street and tell them, tell the guy there that I want to sell it and see how much he offers you. And so the son went and then he came back to his father and he said, the watch maker offered $5 because he said that it was an old watch and so the father said to him, go to the coffee shop and so the son went there and came back and he said, yeah, the coffee shop owner offered me $5 and so the father said, well, go to the museum and show them the watch. And so the son went to the museum and then he came back and he said, I showed him the watch at the museum and they offered me a million dollars for it. And so the father said, I wanted to let you know that the right place values you the right way. So don't find yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you're not valued. Those that know your value are those who appreciate you and don't stay in a place where nobody sees your value. And so the last message that I just wanna give to you here is just because you keep ending up in relationships where you aren't valued doesn't mean that you have no value. Instead, only get into a relationship where a man treats you like a million dollars, not where he treats you like five bucks. So let's see what kind of questions we have here.  Aries says, hi Matthew, love your videos. Well thank you, I appreciate that. Yvonne says, I wish I had everything in place for a relationship, I'm not sure what that means. Good morning, hello, hello, hello from Ohio. I'm in Ohio right now too, actually Cincinnati. I'm in Cincinnati, Ohio at the moment. So Han says, Matthew, you're the best. I really value your insight. Thank you, I appreciate that. Gina says, Matt, your haircut is super cute. Well thank you. Amazing Grace, he says, I love watching your videos. Julie Tree says, Matt, is it wrong to chase after a shy guy? I mean, would he rather that you chase him if he feels he's not good enough? I don't know, or do you just let him alone altogether confused? Well it kinda depends, right? Like it depends on what kind of a relationship you wanna have. If you wanna have a relationship where you're the one who's constantly chasing and investing and you never know how much he's invested or interested in actually having this thing work, then you can do that. But just remember that if you're the one that's chasing him, then you really have no idea where he is on the scale, right? And it's possible that you could do something where you're chasing him and pursuing him and then you end up leaning back and if he is connecting with you and then you lean back and he starts chasing you back but it usually doesn't work that way. So my suggestion is that you follow what it is that I talk about in the Forever Woman program. If you don't have the Forever Woman program out there, you should go to theforeverwomanformula.com and go pick up a copy of it. You can go get it there for free. So that is what I suggest you do. Lori says, hello from Tino. I love your advice. It's great. Thank you. You're welcome. Wendy said, my first guy friends usually get clingy. Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things on both sides. There's a lot of people that don't really value yourself. So you have to remember that. Sweet Kitty. Sweet Kitty cat, I like that name. Says, hey, Matt, I get it. Thank you. I appreciate you. Well, I appreciate you too. So thank you for being here. Thank you everybody for being here. I appreciate everyone who's here. We have the best women in the world as part of our community. And I love, I love all you being here. And so thank you so much. Christina says, I get it. The problem is that men leave the women who has values for the women that don't. And now a woman is single again. How can a woman solve this problem? Well, it depends on what you're talking about. So saying some broad generalization that men leave women who has values for women who don't isn't saying anything about what actually happened or what you're doing or anything like that. So I'd need more information about what it is. What I do suggest is that you go and follow my system because women who follow my system get into great relationships. So go to theforeverwomanformula.com and pick up a copy of that program there for free. And if you decide you want to stay a part of our community, which I do suggest that you do, you can also do that as well. Raluca says, the guy I was dating asked if we could go slower and be friends while he takes care of his ex-wife that told him she's having health problems. I said, yes, and I'm patient. Well, that sounds rough. I feel like he put me on a back burner or he just broke up with me without telling me.  And I wouldn't suggest being a part of. So let's see. Wendy says, never really got hurt by any man. Well, that is amazing because I don't ever hear that from almost any one guy or woman talking about not getting hurt by the opposite sex. So congratulations on your ability to live as long as you have without getting hurt by the opposite sex. I applaud you. I applaud you on that one, Wendy. Good job. Heather says, can an introvert and an empath who have known each other for 25 years plus years last? Yeah, absolutely. It's definitely possible that an introvert and an empath which aren't mutually exclusive, by the way, you can be an introvert and an empath and you can be an introvert or an empath. So either one for sure. And yes, absolutely, you guys can work for sure. Nathakawana says, world's greatest motivational speaker, Matthew. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Not quite going for that, but okay. Joanne says, absolutely, that's right. Matt, know your worth. Thank you for sharing. God bless. Danette says, why is it so hard to resist sex in the beginning of a relationship? How do you love and respect yourself enough not to do it when it feels right? Can a woman make a playboy loyal? Yeah, I mean, absolutely. I have seen it before. I have a good friend who is a total playboy and he ended up getting married after knowing this girl for about three weeks. And they have been together for, what has it been? That was back in, so it's been, wow, it's been nine years. They've been married for nine years now and he was a total playboy. So absolutely it's possible. But he's, most playboys, what they're really doing is they're looking, right? There's two things going on with them. One, they have this kind of attachment to variety and they've had so much of it for so long that it's kind of an addiction now. And the other thing is that they're looking for something very specific. They're looking to feel something very specific.  So my suggestion is that you do resist it and how do you love and respect yourself enough not to do it when it feels right? Well, it doesn't really feel right. Like what do you mean by it feels right, right? Like does it feel right in the moment? As in he's a great date and he said all the smooth things that I needed to hear to make me feel all weird and oh my God and I wanna jump all over his bones or he's making you feel right as in like he's talking about all the things that he wants to be with you for a long time and he's falling in love with you and all the things that you'd wanna hear from somebody that would make a great long-term partner which are two completely different things that you definitively need to separate. Players are players because they're really good at making you feel good right now in the moment. And so that's something that you need to differentiate between and decide whether you wanna get sucked into that or not, which you can or not, whatever, it's fine. No judgment here, but if you want something long-term which it sounds like you do, my suggestion is that you think about long-term not just short-term and you start putting on your mental long-term cap and start thinking about whether he fits into that or not. So Heather says, I love him and he loves me yet he needs his space which I understand. However, as his best friend says, you are in a relationship. He speaks of you very highly. Okay, Shiana says, I set my standards with the guy I was seeing and he ghosted me. What can I do next? Well, if you set high standards and he decided that he didn't want to live up to your standards, you need to look at your standards and say, are these realistic standards that I should have, right? And if they are, then it's good. You just weeded out somebody who wasn't right for you. So, you know, we're just talking about that. That story that I just talked about, right?   So, Wendy says, my man and I work for the same agency. Okay. Easy if a guy leaves you for a better guy than leave him. Ralupta says, everything seemed perfect at the beginning and I was getting good mornings a lot, but now nothing. Shelby said, I have a couple of guys that are basically telling me, ball is in my court to make plans with them. They aren't understanding that. That I like to be pursued and staying in my feminine energy. I'm using your program, but they aren't making moves, thoughts. Yeah, I mean, have you told them that you're interested and that you'd love to hang out with them again?   Right? And just have fun with it and just be playful with it and just lean back and just let them know that you're interested. And if they want to make a date with you, that's great, but that you're not gonna take on the masculine responsibilities in the relationship and that you'd love to go on another date with them if they want to and to let you know if he's interested. But don't take on, my suggestion is that you don't take on the masculine force because then you're gonna be doing that the whole time.  And if he says, you know, the ball's in your court to do something, then just be like, okay, well, when are you gonna come and, you know, get the ball or whatever, right? Just have fun with it and just play with it. And just like I said, lean back and make sure that you're not pursuing and chasing him and just, you know, just keep going. Just keep meeting guys and just keep talking to guys because at some point you're gonna find guys that are going to willing to step up.  And they're over who they are and what they're doing. And so there's a lot of women out there who are pursuing and chasing guys these days. And so you have to realize that there a lot of guys have become lazy because of that. And you're gonna be doing something different. And it's good that you're doing something different.  You wanna be different. That's important. It's good to be different. Lynette says, my guy broke up with me. Should I answer his calls or remain in no contact? Conversely, do I answer his calls and not reach out to him to maintain no contact? So it, well, it depends on why he's calling you, right?   If he wants to call you to sit on the phone and chat with you for an hour because he realized that he got all of his emotional support from you, that's another thing. And so my suggestion, you don't need to, like if you go into no contact, you don't need to not pick up the phone when somebody answers you. But what you do wanna do is make it short, let him find out why he's calling. If he's just calling to chat, just say, hey, that's great, thank you. If you wanna get together or something at some point, let me know and, you know, because like I said, the magic happens in the meetup. And so if he wants to get together and meet up with you, that's great. Just don't meet up at his house. Don't hook up with him. Don't do anything unless you have the conversations that you need to have to know what it is that he's looking for and all that kind of stuff so that you don't end up just getting into a friend with benefits situation, which is what a lot of women do when after they break up with a guy because they're missing that connection from that guy. And so they get back into a friend with benefits without having conversations and talking about all the things that they need to talk about. And so my suggestion is that you don't do that, but you don't need to like not, you know, let him not pick up the phone when he calls you or reaches out. Just let him know that you're busy and that you don't have a lot of time to talk and that, you know, if he wants to meet up with you to let you know and he can schedule a time to meet up and you guys will hang out and talk, you know, and hopefully it's at a public place and if he wants to pursue something with you, that's great. You know, if, here's the thing, right? As far as like reaching out to him and when you should reach out, there's kind of a point at which you kind of feel that it's not a big deal anymore, right? And so you need to get to that place. And so if you, if he's just wanting to talk and just wanting to be friends, you know, just let him know that, you know, or just wanting to hook up or something like that. Just let him know that you're not in a space to really do that right now and that, you know, if he's interested in getting back together, let you know, but if not, you know, you need some time to heal and work on yourself and develop yourself and that you're not, you know, and that's it, right?  And so I hope that makes sense, Lynette. Let me know if it doesn't. And no, you should absolutely not reach out to him and maintain contact unless you are open to the fact that he doesn't want to get together and you're okay with that. And if you're not okay with that, then you definitely shouldn't be reaching out to him and contacting him under any circumstances until you are in a space where you're feeling whole and strong and powerful within yourself so that you don't end up getting yourself into a bad situation. Ledirid says, hi, Matt, watching your videos. Filipina watching from Hong Kong. Well, hello, hello to you. LaLa says, yes, I do, Matt, I do value myself. Well, that is very important and I am very happy to hear that you value yourself. That's good to hear. So Mindy says, we're completely different. He's calm and needs peace. I'm more outgoing and loud and he's worried we won't work. Well, that's actually something that a lot of times works really, really well. I was in a relationship for about five and a half years one time with somebody who is a lot more outgoing talkative and all that kind of stuff and it worked really great because I'm naturally incredibly introverted and normally don't talk a whole lot and just like to hang out and listen. So that's the kind of person that I am is I like to hang out and not talk and chill out and let other people talk to me and so that can work out really, really well sometimes and so you just need to make sure that you're putting yourself in a good position and it sounds, that's not bad, right? Like passion is created through polarity, right? So polarity creates passion and I talk about that a little bit in the forever woman program and so having these different things being on different sides of the scale can be really great because there could be a lot of passion there as long as you're not like saying all kinds of crazy things and having other problems, right? Because of insecurities or something like that. Wendy says, how old are you? Old enough, ugh. So Han says, hey Matt, I recently bought a Christmas present for a guy I cut off last October because he just wanted to hook up which I didn't provide, I can't stop thinking about him. I gave it to him and he gave me a big hug and kiss. Oi, was that a mistake? Well, if you cut a guy off and you're still interested in him and you wanna get with him to some extent but you want a real relationship then it's, I mean, I don't think it's necessarily bad if you reach out to him, giving him a present is a little bit much, right? Cause it's like, we aren't in a relationship you wanted to just hook up and I'm not willing to give that to you and he runs off and so you come back and you're like, hey, here's a present, right?  And you giving him a present just realize that you giving him a present doesn't raise your value in his eyes, right? It doesn't make him think, oh wow, she gave me a present so now she's more dateable or something like that, right? Cause that's not how guys work. And so my suggestion is, I mean, you can do that as long as you aren't expecting anything from it and if he doesn't want anything more than just hooking up then I don't know why you're talking to him anyway because it doesn't really matter, right? Like you're like, was that a big mistake? Well, it's not a big mistake because he just wants to hook up and you want something real and so it doesn't really matter what you do with him because he's not the right guy for you and so you should be focusing your energy on other people and other things in your life and building abundance and creating an abundance of connection and options like I talk about in the forever woman program so that you're not hung up on this dude. So Debra says, a guy I met a couple years ago he verbally expressed his feelings for me but sat on the other side of the couch when he came over then tried to hold my hand, I quickly pulled away I believe my gut instinct told me to do so he only dates his old exes but still in contact with me flirting he's never been married, we've never hooked up, okay? Nina says, rejection is protection, okay? Wendy says, I'd rather be treated like an equal. Well, you know, like you can be equal in terms of like you're both, you know, valuable but you don't wanna be like equal in terms of like who you guys are as people because if you're trying to be equal to each other it's kind of like a dead space, right? You wanna have polarity, which is not being equal it's being completely different, right? It's not being the same, it's being totally different and so you wanna be different because that's what creates that like strong passion and attraction towards each other. So Shanna says, thank you, love your advice while you are welcome. Lori says, Matt, I need your help bad. Well, what do you need my help with, Lori? Wendy says, ah, Matt is embarrassed, I'm not embarrassed. Shelby says, great advice, thank you, we'll keep leaning back and make sure they know I'm interested. I'll stay playful and not pursue. That's exactly what you should do, Shelby. Nicola says, hi Matthew, a guy I was dating was really into me, updated his Tinder the night he left my house, I called him out and he said he was trying to delete it because he had such a lovely day, I told him I wouldn't be a second option. He has since gone very quiet, I'm in pain, help.  Well, yeah, I mean, there's not a whole lot you can do at this situation because it sounds like you probably aren't following my system because if you were following my system, you'd be exclusive and you'd be talking about how you were exclusive and you'd be talking about the connection that you had before you guys hooked up and you'd know that you shouldn't be sleeping around with guys, which it sounds like you did with him. And so, you know, if you're in pain, what you need to do is you need to break the pattern, right?  I'm not sure exactly which angle you're kind of going at here, but if you just wanna start feeling better about yourself, what you need to do is you need to break your pattern that you're in. So if you're feeling sad and you get into a sad state, what you need to do is break the pattern in ways you can do that is one by just doing silly crazy stuff, right? Just like getting the energy out and just kind of shaking yourself out and getting yourself into a different type of body position because if you change your body position, if you're sad and you're feeling in pain, you're like, ah, you know, like there's like, we know when I show you what it looks like to be in pain, you know that I'm showing you what it looks like to be in pain. So what does it look like to feel strong and confident about yourself, right? You have your arms back and you're feeling straight, your head's up straight, you're feeling strong, right?   Pain is what teaches us about how to make our lives better because if we don't experience pain then we don't learn lessons and we don't decide that we're gonna do something different next time. And so experience the pain fully and let it come through you but don't get attached to the pain and don't get stuck on the pain and remember your value, remember your worth, remember what it is that you wanna create and remember that you're not gonna settle for being an option in a man's life and make sure that you're following my system so that you're getting yourself into a great situation. If you don't have it, go to the foreverwomanformula.com because it's important that you're following that system. A pup named Grady said I met the guy on the dating site and we've been talking for a year and a half who's in the Navy and when he do have time we go out but my question is after a year and a half we finally hooked up, should I take? Your message got cut off there, a pup named Grady so you could have to put the question there at the end if you want me to answer it. So Royale said I keep talking to guys, I don't pursue this guy, I liked, we hooked up on the first date, I don't know if it will change the way he sees me but I will just not care, I got other guys who likes me. Well, it's one of those things where it might not be good, it might be good, it's hard to know, right? It's hard to kind of build the foundation that you need for a great relationship when you hook up with somebody on the first date, right? That's what the problem is. It's possible that he looks at you and he thinks of you and he thinks you're amazing and awesome and all those things but it's also possible that he just looks at it like it's a casual fling because you hooked up with him on the first date and so it's hard to know, it's hard to know. Ralupta says, Raluca says he asked me where do I see us on the fourth date and I told him I enjoyed his company and I didn't find a need to see anyone else and I kind of see him as a boyfriend. Did that scare him away? Was that wrong to say?  It depends on how he felt about you and the way that he looked at you. If he looks at you as this woman that he wants to be in a relationship with and he's pursuing you and he's chasing you and he's investing in you and he's doing all these things for you and he wants to be in a relationship with you, then that's great news to him but if he's in a position where he's not really sure about you and he's kind of on the fence about you and he's just kind of feeling you out and seeing whether he likes you or not and he's on a scale of one to 10 of his interest in you, he's like a six then it probably almost certainly freaked him out and so it's not necessarily wrong to say but you might wanna find out where he is on his scale of how interested he is before you start telling him all that kind of stuff. He did ask where you see the two of you which is a sign of high interest in him so or potentially high interest in him. The only other reason he might ask that question is if he felt like you were thinking of him as a boyfriend and he didn't think of you that way and so he was just trying to see what it was that you thought but there's also a really good chance. You'd have to give me more information about the situation but the only way that you're gonna find out whether it freaked him out or not is what happens next, right? And whether he keeps pursuing you or not.  Well, that doesn't sound good. Celestial says my SO constantly pushes my boundaries. It's great practice for me as a former people pleaser but it's exhausting. I'm tiring out after two years. Should it be this difficult? I'm sure that that's a no. Well, you might wanna have like a real conversation with him and cause a lot of times what ends up happening especially if you're around people and you kinda develop these like conversations like these like automatic conversations that people have. And if you've gotten into this like pattern of having this automatic conversation where you have an automatic conversation about him trying to push your boundaries constantly the best thing that you could do is kinda just like have a moment where you like break through the pattern. You interrupt the pattern and you just let him know how it makes you feel when he does that and how exhausting it is and not with no expectation around it but just letting him know how you feel and seeing how things go after that. And if you want to train him to do things the other way, another way that you can do this when I talk about this and my framing stuff, my love frames toolkit, I talk about this is if he does that you can link. So what you wanna do is you wanna link attractiveness to it or unattractiveness to his behaviors. So attractiveness to behaviors that you like and unattractiveness to behaviors that you don't like. And so when he tries to push your boundary just let him know that you find it really unattractive and it's a total turn off and kinda shuts you down. So those are different things that you can say and you might wanna use one of them each time he does something like that. If he tries to do it, just be like, yeah, that's really unattractive. I'm just totally turned off by that. And if he keeps doing it, you can be like, yeah, I don't know, I'm totally closed down. That's just not, I'm just not attracted to that, right? And kinda like put up a big boundary and just let him know and just kinda reinforce that it's unattractive behavior that you don't like, right? And if you keep doing that eventually he'll be like, okay, this isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was, right? Cause if he does it and you're like, ah, you know and you kinda get annoyed or something or whatever riled up and he's like, he might think that it's fun and it's playful and it's this fun thing that he does and he's been doing it for a long time and so he's constantly doing it. And if you kinda shut that down and interrupt the pattern and start talking about how unattractive it is and how it turns you off and makes you wanna move away from him instead of moving closer to him, he'll probably if he has any awareness at all he'll start getting the understanding of what you're saying to him and he'll be like, okay, like she really doesn't like that and it's like, it'll go from something that he does all the time to something that he rarely does. And then if you want to build up like attractive behaviors that he does, right? Behaviors that you want him to do more you can talk about how attractive it is or how hot it is or how much it turns you on when he does something or he reacts in a certain way that's more treating you better or valuing you or appreciating you or doing things that you want him to do, right? And so that's kind of like the Pavlov's dog of getting a guy to treat you the way that you want him to treat you and it's one of those things that somebody mentioned before, they're like, oh, so it's like training a dog and in some ways it can be, right? Like us humans, that's our main thing that we do. We're just like animals in a lot of ways where we move towards pleasure and we move away from pain. And so whenever you're saying things to him and just moving away from him when he's like doing things that you don't like it teaches him not to do those things anymore and whenever you reward him for doing things that you do like it teaches him to do more of those things and that's nothing wrong with that. So Lori says, Matt met this guy and yes, was to say I did hook up with him on second date. I know I'm kicking myself about it because we now had been texting back and forth two weeks ago. He texted me, he said he was very busy at work and home and I texted back and told him when things quiet down give me a call that was three weeks ago having heard a word from him should I reach back out to him or should I wait and see if he contacted me? Well, three weeks is a pretty long period of time, right? So I don't think it would hurt if you reached out to him and just asked him a question or something or just said something to him and just tell him that you hope that he's doing well because one of the things that you have to realize is that if you still wanna talk to this guy you need to let him know that you do because for most guys, one of the things that we've learned about women is that if a guy doesn't contact a woman for a few days, most women will lose their minds, right? And the next time you contact them they like attack you and they're angry and they're resentful and they're trying to inflict revenge upon you, right? And so he might feel like he's kind of in a bad place at this point, maybe, you know or it might be that he's not interested. And so either way, if you send him a message it's not a big deal because if he's not interested then it doesn't hurt to send him a message because he's not gonna take it and run with it.  So it can definitely be a good thing to reach out to him if it's been that long and you still want to talk to him it's not that big of a deal if you reach out to him about it. Mindy says, thanks Matt, I hope he can see things your way. Yen says, hi Matthew, I learned many things and your advice, keep it up always. God bless you more in wisdom. Well, thank you, Yen, I appreciate your blessing. Rhonda says, thank you Matt. I started dating again for the first time in 20 years. I wanted you to know that I have gained a lot from following your systems. I really recommend you for ladies out there who are re-entering this new dating. Well, thank you, I appreciate you recommending my stuff. I appreciate you telling me that you've gained a lot from using it. So thank you so much and thank you for being here and thank you for trusting me in your journey on creating the relationship that you want to have in your life. Erie says, after six months I cut off a guy because I started catching feelings and he's a player and not ready, struggle is real. I think it was my fault because at the beginning I said to him, don't get attached. Well, you don't want to get in, like this is the reason I talk about not sleeping around. You don't want to sleep around because most women end up getting attached more often than guys do. It does happen with guys, right? It can definitely happen with guys as well but usually what I end up seeing is women end up getting attached.  And so you can always, you know, do the things that I talk about in my system and that's the best way to potentially get into a situation that you want to or get him to step up if that's even possible which it might not be depending on him. Mindy said, we've been seeing each other for about a year. We didn't sleep together for three months. He won't commit to a serious relationship with me. We spend a lot of time together, not sure what I'm doing wrong. So you've been seeing each other for a year. You didn't sleep together for three months. He won't commit to a serious, well, it's one of those things like you need to find that out as soon as possible, right? You need to find out what he's looking for and what he's interested in as soon as possible. Like a lot of women, I guess there's some coaches out there who tell women that you shouldn't be like trying to find out what a guy's looking for at all until after you've slept with them and it's just such a bad idea. Like you should find out what he's interested in from the beginning. Cause if he's not open to a relationship with you, the likelihood you're going to convince him of getting into a relationship is really small. It is possible, but it's really small. And so you want to find that out from the very beginning and the problem is that he's not interested in a serious relationship. And so what you need to do, my suggestion for you is that when you follow the forever woman program, you start creating abundance in your life. You create abundance of options and you create abundance of connection. Like I said, start following my system, start going out and meeting other guys. Let the guy that you've been seeing, let him know that you're interested in him and that you really like him and that you're in love with him and that you'd love to be in a real relationship with him and just let him know that you know that he doesn't want that and that's fine. But if he does to let you know but that you're not gonna sit around and wait and hope and pray that he will and that if he decides that he wants something real with you to reach out and let you know and if you're still available at that time then you guys can talk about it and possibly start seeing each other again and that for the time being, you're not interested in talking or meeting up or being in a relationship or being friends or sleeping together or anything else for the time being and go out and start meeting other men and start creating potential relationships with them. If you need some time to heal, then do that or whatever you need to do and set yourself up for success in the future and follow my system is my biggest suggestion. Go to theforeverwomanformula.com and start following my system there. Wagon Dorf says, "'How do I handle his ex-girlfriend "'who likes to make herself known around us? "'I told my guy I'm not dealing with any drama.  So if you get into a real relationship, what you want is you want a situation where, at least in my opinion, you want a situation where there's nothing that's coming in and threatening the relationship. And so you see this girl as a threat and so you need to talk to your guy and make sure that she's not a threat and if she is potentially a threat, then he needs to shut things down with her and make sure that she's completely out of the picture. If she's not a threat, then you need to decide whether you're okay with her being in the picture or not and whether that's gonna trigger your jealousy too much and if it is, then you need to have a conversation with him and then you need to find out whether he wants to do something about it with her or not and if not, then you need to decide whether this is something that you wanna deal with because it's something you're gonna deal with for a long time. So Tammy said, "'My ex is dating someone new "'but still reaches out "'and texts me with fun conversation "'and still asks about my kid's thoughts.'" Well, he's emotionally connected to you.  That's what's going on. I'm trying really hard to have no contact for 21 days and work your program. So yeah, I mean, you can just let him know, right? You can let him know that you don't want to contact him or have conversations with him or anything for the time being. If you're feeling you're in a space where you need to get to a place where you're detached from him. So when you break up with somebody, what ends up happening is they've done studies on this and what they found is that when somebody breaks up with somebody else, when you're in a relationship, it's like you guys meld together as one person and when you break up, it's like you lose an actual part of yourself and so you've lost a part of your identity and so part of the no contact thing is really about building yourself up and strengthening yourself and putting yourself into a position where you're strong and powerful and you feel like a whole person again. And until you get to that point of where you feel like you're a whole person, it's gonna be really difficult for you if this guy keeps reaching out to you and connecting with you. And so part of the no contact thing is about getting yourself to a space where you're strong and you're able to come back to it and have a conversation with your ex and not feel like it's preventing you from healing and growing and getting back to a place where you're independent and not emotionally reliant on him anymore. And so you need to determine where that point is and just figure it out and if you have to, you can always just let him know that you don't wanna talk to him for a little while and you're gonna be really busy and so you're not gonna be responding back and that you need some time to kind of heal and whatever and just let him know that. You're human and it's okay to let him know that you're vulnerable in a place where you need some time to yourself and that you don't wanna continue having conversations with him. There's nothing wrong with that. Chianti says, hi Matt, I've been seeing this guy on and off for eight years. He has told me I was more like a mother, not a wife. What am I doing wrong? Well, it kind of depends, right?  I don't know, it depends. You'd have to ask him what he means by that, right? There could be a lot of different things that he means by that because everybody has like a map, right? You have a map of what you think a relationship should be like, of how you think a man should behave. You have a map of how you think you should be behaving, of how society's supposed to work, all that kind of stuff. And so if he has a map of how he thinks a wife should be behaving and he has a map of how he thinks a mother should be behaving, then and you're doing things inside his map of how he thinks a mother should behave and not as a wife, then, you know, there's something weird, you know, you need to figure out what that is. And the other thing that's going on here that kind of draws my attention to it is that you said, I've been seeing this guy on and off, right? You've been seeing him on and off for eight years. Why have you been seeing him on and off? Like, what does that mean? Well, you guys have been breaking up together. You're not in a committed relationship. Like, what is on and off really mean to you? You break up and then get back together. You're not really committed to each other.  You haven't talked about it.   There's no, I mean, I can give you my possible, my giant world of possible things that you could be doing, but it would just be my own personal map of how that is or maps that I've seen before of other men. And that's not gonna help you with your man because you need to talk to your man and communicate with him and have real conversations with him and make sure that you're in a situation that you want to be in. So, you know, a lot of women come to me and you, most of them are in situations where they want to attract a man who sees them and loves them and cherishes them and they wanna get into committed relationships that last. Yet, we're in kind of this culture right now in America and in the West and in a lot of places in the world. It's becoming more and more, the Western culture is seeping into every culture around the world at this point. And we're in this culture where there's kind of this hookup thing going on where people are just hooking up with each other, right? It's called the hookup culture. And men are pulling away and disappearing on a lot of the women that come to me. And they feel a lot of kind of doubt about themselves. They feel confused about their own value, their own self-worth. And many of them just feel like they wanna give up on men or relationships altogether. And so I just wanted to mention, you know, if you're having a hard time with men and dating right now, it's a pretty common thing that's going on everywhere. And so we live in a culture that encourages superficial relationships and discourages anything that's really meaningful. And I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into and stay in committed relationships that last. That's why I put together a proven path that will help you get into the relationship that you want. It's called the forever woman. You can go to theforeverwomanformula.com. There should be a link above or below this video or you can go to theforeverwomanformula.com and check it out. Go watch the video there and sign up for the program if you're interested and, you know, join our community. I, you know, it's, I can feel the pain, right? I've been in the dating world. I've spent a lot of time coaching in the dating world. I've been doing this since 2005. And I've seen, I've seen all the problems that are out there. I've come from a place where I felt like I, you know, wasn't really worthy of love and getting into the relationship that I wanted. If you've heard my story before, if you haven't, I, you know, I came from a place where I was basically abandoned by my mom and my dad and it put into a situation where I felt like, you know, I wasn't good enough.  And so I've been there and a lot of the women that have come to me have been there as well. And I've been helping thousands and thousands of women switch from feeling hopeless and stuck to attracting great men into committed, lasting relationships where they're loved and cherished and seen. And many of them have ended up in marriage. And I have a three-part system for you to be successful and here's what it is. You need to believe in your value because of the law of belief transference. Whoever is the most certain about how much they believe in something transfers that belief to other people. You need to position yourself in value. So you need to put yourself in a position where you're automatically and immediately and long-term looked at as a woman of value. And you need to communicate your value because sometimes women aren't, they've come from places where they develop speech patterns of feeling like they're low value. And so I teach how to communicate in a way that high value women communicate and women who feel like they're valuable communicate. And so if you're interested, go click the link below or above this video. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com. Go watch the video and sign up for my free course, the forever woman program. In it, you'll learn how to attract a man who loves and cherishes you. He'll pursue you for a committed, lasting relationship and you'll end up doing less work and feeling more appreciated and valued by men and your man. And if you don't, you'll just keep doing whatever it is that you're doing right now, which hopefully you're doing well. If you're not, you'll end up staying stuck and continue having problems and challenges in your dating life, feeling like you're doing everything only to be taken for granted with a guy who eventually pulls away from you and possibly disappears on you altogether. And you'll wonder if you're ever gonna get into the relationship that you want. And I don't want you to feel like that. I want you to feel like you're strong and you're powerful and you have the ability to get into the relationship that you really want to have because it's very important in this day and age we live in the world of the war of the sexes and I want to heal that divide and I want you to get into a great relationship where you're valued and you're seen in your cherished. And my program is what will help you get into that. And so thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Thank you. We have the best, like I said, we have the best women in the world and our community, some amazingly, incredibly attractive, awesome, smart, intelligent women in our community. You're awesome. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being a part of this community and helping with everything that a lot of the women have been helping with. So thank you very much and I will speak with you again soon.