I'm getting married in two weeks, but now I'm totally wrecked. Just found out they're all cheating. This story has it all. A broken wedding, a cheating sister-in-law with the bride involved in the affair. Followed by the aftermath, exposing another affair no one expected involving a famous only fans model. Just when you think it couldn't get worse, a brutal twist was just uploaded this month.  Warning, the following unbelievable story is real and will be upsetting to cheaters. I need to get this off my chest. I feel like I'm going insane. My fiancé, Sarah, 28 years old and me, 34 year old male, have known each other for about six years, engaged for one. Our wedding is scheduled to take place in just two weeks, but I just witnessed something that is making me feel like I'm making the biggest mistake in my life. Tonight, Sarah and I were taking a rare opportunity to relax at home. Sarah was in the kitchen making dinner while I was out back working on one of my projects. We live on an acreage and I'm building a fire pit in the backyard that we were planning on using this fall. Anyway, as you do when you're doing heavy labour, I get thirsty and come back to the house to get a drink, where I see Sarah at the counter preparing dinner and talking on speakerphone. I recognise the voice instantly as my brother-in-law, Hank. Now, this is where my brain gets totally twisted. Hank asks Sarah where her sister Evelyn is as he's been trying to get in contact with her, and she's not answering texts. I hear Sarah say to him, She just left here. She should be home in a half hour or so. It should be noted that Evelyn is Hank's wife of five years, Eve for short. I have to admit that I didn't immediately register what she had just said because I went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and asked Sarah, what was that all about? And she responds with, Oh, nothing much. Hank was looking for Eve. I then see her texting and I ask her, what are you doing? And she says, I'm texting Evee that Hank was looking for her.  First off, I heard Sarah tell Hank that Evelyn was here. Evelyn was not here, and the last time we saw her was yesterday when she came over to work on some last-minute wedding decorations stuffed with Sarah. Secondly, why is she texting Evelyn and expecting a response when I distinctly heard Hank say that Evelyn wasn't answering her texts? Lastly, why the hell would she tell Hank that Evelyn should be back in 30 minutes unless she either knows where she is, then why did she lie? Or she is, right now in front of me, texting her to tell her to get her butt home quickly. The only conclusion that I came up with is that Sarah is lying to Hank about the whereabouts of her sister, Hank's wife, and is probably warning Evee that Hank will expect her home in half an hour.  I wanted really badly to ask Sarah about this, but at the same time if what I think is going on is going on, then I doubted I'd get a straight answer, which brings me to about an hour ago. I woke up around 1 a.m. to use the toilet and I couldn't resist the urge to check Sarah's phone. We both know each other's pins, so this wasn't a difficult thing to do. Anyway, I grabbed the phone, retreated to the bathroom, and unlocked it. Yup, it was exactly what I was afraid of and probably what most of you were expecting. Sarah's sister has been having an affair for about six months with a co-worker, and Sarah has been helping Evelyn cover it up for almost that entire time. There are literally hundreds of texts between them discussing it, discussing the co-worker, discussing sex stuff, really embarrassing things about my brother-in-law, and probably uncharitable, just stuff that makes my stomach churn. And here is my soon-to-be-wife going along with all of it without batting an eye. I took some screenshots of the entire thread, put the phone back where I found it, and then retreated to my home office to find myself here typing it all out on Reddit, simply so I can avoid the primal scream that wants to come out of my mouth right now. I am, totally 100% screwed. Reddit, I cannot marry Sarah. I just can't do it. I can't think of any reasonable excuse she could offer me about helping her sister in this affair, and victimizing not only Hank, but their two-year-old daughter as well. On the other hand, myself, my family, Sarah, and her family have all sunk an enormous amount of money into a wedding that is supposed to happen in around two weeks. There is no way we are getting any of that money back.  Like, how did I not know this woman was like this? And what the hell am I going to do? I can't marry her. I absolutely cannot. However, I still want to. She's beautiful, fun, and kind, and I thought we had a bright future ahead of us. She's never done anything wrong to me, but I just can't see her the same now.  I just don't know how I got this so wrong, and I'm absolutely dreading doing what I know I need to do. I feel like I want to vomit or break something. The following parts I've added as extra small updates. Let's get into it. Edit 1. Guys, you don't need to convince me to not marry Sarah. That's obvious. The wedding is off. I'm just trying to figure out my next steps and work up the nerve to do it. There's an incredible amount of pressure on me from the expectations of everyone, but I'm not going to buckle under it. I just am not relishing having to deal with the fallout, and I'm more than a little angry that I'm in this situation. Edit 2. It's 5 a.m. I have work in three hours, and I'm running off a couple hours of sleep. I'm going to take a shower and head into work a little early to avoid Sarah and stew on this. Thanks to the supportive people here and a big raspberry to the dill holes who keep saying I should figure out whatever good reason my soon-to-be ex-fiance had for this garbage. Edit 3. I got into work around 7. No one was in the office, so I decided to start pulling off the band-aid and I called my brother. He lives in Australia, so he was still up after having just put his kids to bed. It was hard breaking the news to him about this because I know he has laid out a huge amount of money for flights for him and his family to come, but to his credit as an older brother. He didn't mention it one time and just backed me up. He made a great point too, he said, totally paraphrasing. You work in a job where you have to deal with liars and scammers, day in and day out. I don't blame you for wanting to have somewhere to go where this isn't a concern. He was totally right about that and I get now. Why I am reacting so strongly to Sarah's participation in this deceit. He also had a great idea. He was going to take his family down to Florida to do some sightseeing and visit the parks. Well, now the kids will be accompanied by their uncle as well. It should be easy since we were going to honeymoon there as well and we were planning on meeting them for a bit anyway. I'll just rebook everything to be closer to him and his family and I'll offer Sarah's ticket to either my sister or another family member. I haven't had time to read everyone's comments but I have answered a few. Right now, I'm just sort of making myself sick by drinking cup after cup of coffee and trying to distract myself until the day gets on enough where I can reach out to Hank. Edit four. Just stood up this morning. My stomach is doing flip flops from drinking about two pots of coffee since I got in here and I absolutely cannot focus and concentrate. I feel like I can't do anything really from my side until I tell Hank what I know. So I'm just going to take a sick day and drive over to his house and see if he's around. If not, I'll call him and track him down. Hank is a teacher who is on break right now and Evelyn works a nine to five like me so odds are good this works out. Wish me luck, Reddit. Edit five. Got to Hank's house a little after 10 a.m. He had just put his daughter down for a nap and we had a long, frankly, brutal talk in the kitchen. Basically, he suspected this for a couple of months now but Evelyn has been very good at covering her tracks. Obviously, with the assistance of Sarah and a couple of their mutual friends, I unfortunately do not have all six months of text messages. Just a couple of dozen screenshots I sent to myself from Sarah's phone but I gave him what I have and offered to help him however I could. I am a field analysis in the SIU department of a mid-sized insurer specializing in workers' compensation fraud so I know a few things and a few people. Anyway, I am now working from my laptop in my almost brother-in-law's kitchen trying to salvage whatever I can. I'm going to have to talk to Sarah this evening and get the word out as fast as I can to my friends and family now that I know I won't screw Hank over. So far, I managed to rebook most of the honeymoon although I had a problem with the ticket because Sarah was flying under her maiden name and our carrier has a surname rule for name changes. Anyway, they did allow me to cancel and get a partial refund and rebook to my sister who will be accompanying her two brothers and nieces to Florida in a couple of weeks. I'm holding off on canceling the venues until after I talk to Sarah because I don't want to tip anyone off until Hank gets his chance to confront Evelyn but I will absolutely be letting my family and friends know this afternoon sometime and beg them to keep it close. I'm basically in a frenzy right now canceling stuff I can cancel and I'm heading down to the bank in a few to open a new account and getting my bills and pay sorted out. The finances. Some people have mentioned them but it should be settled easily. The mortgage is in my name since we were not married and I have the bigger income but Sarah did contribute about $20,000 versus my $60,000 towards the down payment. I will have to probably pay her out that money and some portion of the mortgage payments for the last 16 months but it could be worse. Edit 6 I'm going to go silent for a while. This post has already been circulating around TikTok and has gone way, way beyond what I thought it ever would when I was freaking out in the middle of the night. First off, I want to say something here. I do not hate Sarah. I don't approve of what she did. I frankly find it repulsive and I'm shocked by uncovering how too faced she can be in how she treats people but I don't hate her. I'm just incredibly sad about everything and the I'm screwed part of my post is really the short time frame I have to work under. Basically our relationship is in a state where I cannot get married to her but we're supposed to get married in two weeks. Maybe if we had two months or better yet a year or so to work through this my approach might be vastly different but I don't have that luxury. I have to move now. There's just no way I can enter into marriage with the state our relationship is in now so I'm not going to. End of discussion guys. Anyway, I will report back later tonight with how everything today went. Hopefully it will be less traumatic than I'm anticipating. Edit seven. I have no idea how long a Reddit post can be as I've never written such a long one before in my life so I hope that this goes through. It's about 8.30 PM right now and I'm writing this from my buddy's house. His name is Mark and a former co-worker of mine that is also in the same field of work. As I mentioned in a previous update I work as a field analyst in the SIU department of a decent sized insurance carrier. For people who don't know what that is I'm basically a private detective. My job is to investigate what we think might be fraudulent claims in regards to workers' compensation. Anyway, as I kind of hinted at Hank asked for my help in finding out who the other guy was that Evelyn was cheating on him with. All we had to go on was a name. Let's call him Jake. The first thing I did was not some major amount of sleuthing. It was basically just going through LinkedIn trying to find the guy through Evelyn's connections but that brought up nothing which I thought was strange. Hank had told me that Evelyn was supposed to go out for drinks tonight after work and that she said she wouldn't be home until around nine or 10. He didn't have to tell me what he suspected since I pretty much understood right away. I told him that I would help him but he needed to come with me. I then contacted my buddy Mark, explained the situation to him and had him agree to meet us later in the day. The first thing we did was drive over to Hank's parents' house so that they could watch their granddaughter. I don't know what Hank told them as I waited in the car. After that, we went to Evelyn's place of work. It's one of those large commercial strip mall-type centres with all of these nondescript offices in a row and a large, non-gated car park. We drove around until we found Evelyn's car and then I had Hank unlock it with the second set of keys. I then gave Hank a voice-activated recorder and a GPS tracker to place in the car. Once done with that, we left, parked a bit down the street and waited for my friend to arrive and for Evelyn to leave the business. Mark shows up about 20 minutes later, hops in the car with us and around an hour after that, Evelyn comes out of her office with two of her girlfriends and a tall, younger-looking man with sandy blonde hair. They are obviously holding hands and I'm like, damn, Evelyn, you're making it easy for me. I take a couple of pictures from the car and then wait for Evelyn to leave in hers and I start tracking her. At first, I thought she might go right to a hotel or something, but she didn't. Instead, she drove to a reasonably nice bar and grill in a nice section of town and parked on the street. I drove by her as she was getting out of her car and entering the establishment and then found my own parking spot and went over the plan. First, we sent Mark in since no one knew him. He had basically two jobs. First, try to get any compromising pictures he could of Evelyn and Jake and second, to be my alibi. Hank and I waited in the car for around 20 minutes until I got the first in the series of text messages from Mark. They were pictures of Evelyn and Jake making out in front of their two female coworkers. Hank's suspicion is right. They were helping Evelyn hide the affair from him. He was obviously very upset and angry, evidently one of the coworkers is married and as a couple, they're good friends with Hank and Evelyn, both of them having toddlers around the same age. I ask Hank if that's enough for him, but he says he still really wants to know who this guy is. I try to tell him that we can find out later but he's practically begging me at this point so I tell him to wait, text Mark that I'm coming in and then enter the bar myself. First thing I see is Evelyn and her crew laughing and drinking at one of those tall round tables near the front window as I enter. I stop for a moment, pretend to be surprised and then call out to Evelyn. Evelyn, hi, what are you doing here? She's obviously shocked to see me and everyone around her tenses up immediately. Evelyn quickly introduces me as her sister's fiance and says that we are getting married in two weeks. There are a lot of congratulations from everyone. I thank them and then stick out my hand to the blonde guy and introduce myself with my full name hoping that he'll respond in kind. He does and I'm a bit taken aback. He's not named Jake. I introduce myself to everyone else and then tell Evelyn that I'm here to meet a co-worker. I wave to Mark and then excuse myself. Once I get over to Mark, I tell him the guy's name and we both whip out our phones and go to work. It doesn't take long for us to find him. He's got social media profiles and a couple of court case judgments against him. Everything sort of falls into place when we find out that Jake is his middle name. At this point, I'm basically just grateful that Evelyn isn't cheating on Hank with two different co-workers. Turns out that Jake is 26, married and has a one year old daughter. This just keeps getting better or you could say worse. Anyway, I text Hank the guy's name and I decide I want to push my luck and tell him to wait a few more minutes. Basically, I'm playing babysitter here at the bar. I'm totally visible to Evelyn and her crew. I can see out of the corner of my eye that no one is particularly happy about this and my presence is really ruining the night. This is good. I let this go on for about 10 minutes and then tell Hank to text Evelyn that he's spending the night at his parents' house with their daughter. It doesn't take long after that until I catch Evelyn taking out her phone showing it to Jake and then everyone deciding to pack up. Evelyn comes over to me, says good night and asks me if Sarah and I want to come over for dinner this weekend. I smile and say that sounds like a great idea and wish her and her co-workers a good night. Mark and I wait for them to leave, then pay our bill and hurry back to the waiting Hank. There's a bit of hesitation here because we don't know exactly what Evelyn was going to do. Like I half assumed she might have already booked a hotel room and was heading there, which would have made everything a lot more complicated and limited what I could do. But it turns out that tonight was probably meant to be just drinks at the bar and it wasn't until Hank decided to spend the night at his parents that it turned into something more. Evelyn made a beeline for home and we followed behind her way out of sight and parked down the street. It didn't take long after that until another car pulled into Hank's driveway and we saw Jake get out, go up to the door, knock and be greeted by Evelyn. They went inside together. Now at this point it's about 7.30 and I have my own stuff to do tonight and I think that as a friend I've done pretty much all I can do for Hank and he can handle the rest himself. I mean, I feel bad for the guy definitely but I don't want to get any more involved in this drama than I already am and being the wingman for him while he confronts his cheating wife is a bit much for me considering my situation. Hank says it's fine that he'll do the rest of it himself. Guess he's more of a man than you thought Evelyn. He goes to Evelyn's car, retrieves my gear and we bid each other goodbye. That was almost two hours ago. I did get one text message from Hank saying it was done and he was going to his parents' house for real this time but my phone hasn't been blowing up so I don't know what's been going on with Evelyn and I've been at Mark's since then. I think that basically concludes my part in Hank's story. If he was smart and listened to my advice he was recording with his phone when he entered the house. I'll find out later. Anyway, my biggest priority now is to head home and tell Sarah that the wedding is off. She's almost 100% going to take it badly. There's no way she won't but like I said I just can't get married to her right now. I don't know what the future holds for us or if we will be done with each other or not but definitely we are not getting married anytime soon. Also, for people who keep saying why didn't you talk to her first? Why didn't you confront her?  She's stone cold lied in front of me to her brother-in-law that she has known for about 10 years and purportedly thinks is a really great husband and father.  Until that moment I never had cause to ever second guess Sarah or not trust her but she was literally untrustworthy in front of my face and I'm supposed to let it slide or expect her to be honest to me. I guess you don't know what it's like to have your entire view of someone's shift in an instant. It's disorienting and frankly a bit panic inducing. I'm actually impressed I kept my head and followed my instincts instead of pressing her right away because it led me to the truth. It would have been ridiculously easy for her to lie to me and then delete those text messages. If she had done that then I would never have read the horrible things she said. Never seen how she can be so duplicitous and too faced and never realized how little I actually knew about her. I'm going home to talk to Sarah. I'll update later to let everyone know what the final verdict is. Don't expect it to be a good one. Edit eight. Well, I had the talk with Sarah last night. It was pretty insane. I'm honestly burnt out and still exhausted even though I took another sick day and slept in until almost a quarter to 11. Sleep deficit is real. I know everyone is thirsty for updates but as much as it's therapy for me to write them I'm just absolutely drained and as you may have noticed I don't know how to be short. Just call it a character trait from my profession and the endless amount of minutia filled reports I've written. I promise to do a proper update later. Long story short I came home to talk to Sarah about canceling the wedding and found her comforting Evelyn on the couch. I almost turned around and walked out but didn't. Words were exchanged. Tears were had. People got really angry and the cops were called. I collapsed and slept for like 10 hours and my phone is practically glowing from the heat of a bazillion unread messages and missed calls. If it vibrates anymore I'm going to take it to Evelyn's office and charge her 10 bucks a minute to sit on it. Stuff is really up in the air. I have a lot to do today. My family already knew what was going on by yesterday afternoon but I need to contact some friends today and get a move on other things. I'm just going to answer a couple and then bug out for a few to get stuff done. First, I am not James Bond. I am the guy that follows around the disabled construction worker to his Zumba class or skydiving lesson. I've been doing it for about five years and I'm pretty good at it. Nothing I did went beyond a $50 GPS you can buy from Amazon and a tiny, tiny bit of social engineering. You might be surprised how far social engineering can get you but whatever. Second, I'm off the clock on the mysterious case of Hank and the skanky hobgoblin. Whatever Hank does with the info he has including contacting the other wife is on him. I'm not interjecting myself into this mess any more than I have. Hank is a good friend but I have my own little world collapsing right now and now that I don't have my moral indignation to distract me, it's becoming a bigger burden than I have been letting on. Third, I'm not an aspiring screenwriter or novelist. I do, however, write a lot of reports. You have no idea. Most of my life is actually spent hunched over a laptop writing a report or transcribing statements. For every hour I spend doing fieldwork, I probably spend 10 doing paperwork or research. Fourth, you're right that I was wrong to leave Hank to go it alone. I didn't have any fear, not even an iota that Hank would do anything stupid but I didn't properly take into the account the risk to him. That's a personal failing of mine. It's not that I don't care. I just tend to estimate that other people handle things like I do and hence Hank was doing something that I would do so I didn't question it like I should have. I know this is a problem of mine and I'm working on it but I'm also not in the best place emotionally so my EQ was low in the situation. Last, people saying you don't know the whole situation. What if Hank was an abuser? Yada, yada, yada, nobody. You don't know the whole situation. I do. I read six months of text messages. I know why Evelyn did what she did. I know how she feels about Hank. I know how my ex-fiancee played along with this. I'm just not sharing it because it's vile but I know and it played a big part in how I've acted in the last day and a half. Trust me, if Sarah had done something, anything other than encouraging and egging on Evelyn we'd all probably not be here. But she did so we are. Anyway, that's it from me. I will try to update again in the next few days with the whole fallout but I'm probably going to be mostly off Reddit for now. Best of luck to everyone and thank you to all the people backing me up. It meant a lot to me and helped keep me sane. Well, some semblance of sane anyway. You're being a great friend to Hank. There's more than a few stories where people aren't doing half the things you are when they find out or they tell people they know. To be honest, as the day goes on I get more and more angry that I am in this situation. It's easy for me to blame Sarah but on some level I have to cope to the fact that I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Trust me, some of the things that she and Evelyn joked about are absolutely freaking brutal and this is the same woman that smiles nicely to Hank and compliments him telling him what a great husband and dad he is. Like, and people don't get why I am so freaked out by this. How is Hank doing? Does he have a game plan? Surprisingly good, actually. He wasn't surprised, I guess and said he actually feels a bit relieved to have confirmation. He's asked me to help him with a couple of things and I really was hesitant about it, but I think I will. I wouldn't cancel the venue, the caterer, the cake, the photographer or anything related to the reception. Have a party. Make it a dodge the bullet party. It's a bit difficult to do that since Sarah's family paid a portion of all of the costs just like my family did and we did individually. I don't know about the morality of basically commandeering the venue when I don't own the right to it outright. So I think it's better to get whatever I can back from it and then split the proceeds back directly how it was contributed. I have to ask, if your brother was having an affair and came to you for help, would you tell him no? I am not condoning Sarah's behavior but there are stories all over Reddit about families being torn apart because a sibling didn't cover for another sibling's affair. Sarah might not be in a position where she feels comfortable telling her family no. First off, my brother is way too smart to have an affair because he's married to a beautiful Aussie bombshell. However, if I came to him with this garbage, there is no way he would cover for me.  Honestly, if Sarah had been covering for Evelyn and then in those text messages had been giving her grief about what she was doing, instead of outright supporting her and carrying on, I would be much more conflicted about this than I am. But that didn't happen. Instead, I got to see a side of my fiancee that I didn't knew existed nor wanted to see. It's me again. I want to thank everyone who has sent me kind messages and support here on Reddit and even on other platforms. This has really blown up and frankly it's totally bizarre to see my life plastered all over the internet but it's also nice to see so many people seeming to be genuinely concerned for me. It helps a lot. At first, I had a bit of trepidation about how visible this became, like, what have I done? But since this past weekend, I decided to just roll with it. After all, the cat is already out of the bag and I really believe I've done nothing wrong here despite a small minority of commentators saying otherwise. I guess there is a lot to go over and so much has happened. Most of it, if I'm honest, hasn't been that great. Well, it's actually been downright crappy but I'll get to that. First off, I left Mark's house pretty late that night. Sarah already knew I was out discussing business with him although she had no idea that the business was actually her sister's affair. But still, it was getting to an unreasonable hour mostly because I was trying to get up the nerve to go home and face her. After about two or three pep talks from Mark, I finally got off my keyster and texted Sarah. I was coming home and left in my car. As I said in the last update, I was pretty surprised when I got there because when I walked into the house, Evelyn was crying on the couch with Sarah. I hadn't seen Evelyn's car in the driveway when I came home so this was probably the last thing I was expecting. I froze for a moment and almost turned around and left. This was not how I imagined this going down and I knew that Evelyn's presence was going to make a bad situation a million times worse. Still, I had a timetable that I wanted to move on. I had friends I needed to notify and wedding preparations to cancel and the proverbial clock was ticking in the back of my head. When I entered the room, both Sarah and Evelyn looked up at me in acknowledgement but the tirade of accusations never came. I just stared back, raising my eyes in question. The moment passed and Evelyn went back to crying. Sarah back to comforting and I let it awkwardly hang in the air for half a minute while I thought. It seemed that Hank hadn't mentioned my assistance in the uncovering of Evelyn's affair. I decided to play dumb, not for any reason other than I wanted to see how Sarah reacted. I took a seat on a recliner, put down my laptop bag and took my phone out of pocket. I made it look like I was fidgeting with it and then asked them, what's going on? Evelyn just continued to cry but Sarah looked at me and said, Hank is divorcing Evee. Well, yes, I figured as much. I decided to push ahead with the obvious question. What for? I asked her. Sarah stopped patting Evelyn's back for a moment and looked at me. I could almost see her face twist and contort. Imagine the look a five-year-old makes when you tell them to eat their broccoli or finish their lemur beans. Evelyn shot Sarah a look that I didn't need to be a sister to understand and there was a pregnant pause until Sarah finally said. She cheated on him. Now I have to admit, this response freaking flawed me. This was absolutely not what I was expecting. Sure, the more cynical readers here might think, well, the cat was out of the bag so there's no point in hiding it. And yes, that's true, but it's also true that she could have just as easily feigned ignorance or even worded it another way like Hank accused Evee of cheating instead of basically confirming it to my face. Maybe I'm being pedantic here but it's part of my job to pay attention to not only what people say, but how they say it. Evelyn wasn't happy about this. She kind of crumpled into the couch a bit and did this strange combination of a sigh and sob at the same time. I wanted to press on, go for the gold to sort of speak, but I must have stammered a bit. Sarah probably interpreted it as shock and well she would have been right in a sense, just not how she assumed. Did you know? Sarah didn't say anything, she just nodded, her hand still rubbing her sister's shoulder. I didn't hesitate and asked for the obvious follow-up. How long? The answer came back a lot easier than I thought it would. For six months now. I was shocked by how easily she admitted to it. Evelyn was shocked as well. She smacked her sister's hand off her and I think even Sarah was a little shocked at saying it out loud. I leaned back in the recliner and rubbed my face. Time to tug the rest of that band-aid clear off. We're not getting married. There were two looks like stunned goats and a chorus of... Huh, what? From both sisters. I stood up and repeated myself. We're not getting married. I can't marry someone who would cover up adultery, especially not for six months. Sarah sprang off the couch and opened her arms. The body language was, you can't be serious, but I just put my hands in front of myself. I'm serious. I don't like this, not one bit. I don't like that you took part in this and I can't get married to you with how I feel. It would be a mistake.  There were whales from Sarah, accusations of not loving her, appeals to my sense of duty, to the loss of money, the inconvenience to all our friends, the embarrassment of it all. It was frankly nothing I hadn't already thought about, but it definitely felt different hearing Sarah say it through body-wracking sobs. It was at this point I probably made a big mistake. Well, maybe not because I have no idea how long Hank would have kept my involvement in everything off the books, but in an effort to convince Sarah of the finality of it all, I said, look, I already canceled the honeymoon. It's not happening. I knew it was a bomb the second it left my mouth and the explosion was damn near immediate. Evelyn, to her credit, had always been pretty quick on the uptake, which is probably how she had managed to fool her husband for so long. I could almost see the realization dawning on her when she put it all together with my appearance at the bar earlier in the evening. She screamed.  And flew across the room at me. Now I'm not a huge guy, but I'm no slouch either. But the force that Evelyn flung herself at me had me staggering backwards and I barely had enough time to get my hands up before she started raking my face with her fingernails. I almost lost the phone I still had in my hand, but still managed to push her away and say very loudly, Evelyn, get off me. Sarah, get your sister under control. Evelyn made another lunge for me, but surprisingly, Sarah did exactly what I asked her to and wrapped her arms around her sister's waist and held her in place. I looked at Evelyn and yelled, get out of here right now or I'm calling the police. Holding my phone up for emphasis, Sarah asked both of us to calm down, she said to me. No OP, listen, she doesn't have anywhere to go right now and Hank took her car keys. That explained the lack of a car in the driveway, but I didn't care. I was 100% through with Evelyn and I was going to make sure she knew it. I marched into my home office and locked the door and dialed the popo. I told them I had been attacked by my fiance's sister and had locked myself in my office. That I was bleeding from my face. Evelyn had scratched me pretty good along the inside of my left eye and that my vision was blurry and I feared for my life.  Just as I was finishing up my conversation, Sarah comes knocking on the door. Baby please come out, we need to talk about this. Please I love you, don't do this, we don't need to do this. And even? Evelyn is sorry, she wants to apologize. I'm pretty sure that last one was a lie but Sarah was obviously losing herself. I didn't answer her and her attempts to cajole me out of the office ended probably right when the police rocked up to our front door. I could hear Sarah talking to them and I decided to come out. The cops were two males, one of them looked younger than me maybe around Sarah's age and the other one looked older and more annoyed about life in general. I introduced myself, pointed at Evelyn stating that she attacked me and offered to show the cops the recording I made. The younger one asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said yes.  I have video evidence and this is going to court or else I'm going to call up your boss. I dropped his name here and asked him to come down and do it himself. I think they were pretty surprised that I knew his name not that we are friends or anything but given my line of work I spend plenty of time in the office facing with local law enforcement and I have met most of the brass or talked to them on the phone a couple of times in the last few years. Honestly, at this point, I was getting pretty hot under the collar and while I get what these guys were thinking I don't agree with it at all. Facts are facts. Sure I might not be bleeding out on the floor but Evelyn assaulted me in my own home and I wanted her gone. Thankfully the situation didn't immediately change. Thankfully the situation didn't immediately escalate and the two officers handcuffed Evelyn and put her in the back of the patrol car.  Sarah wasn't much better. She just kept going. No please no. Over and over again. At this point the younger cop circled back and asked us if everything was okay here. I just told them I was going to bed. He asked Sarah again and she didn't immediately answer. So he goes. Is everything okay here ma'am? It was clear what he was fishing for. At this point I really disliked this guy but I bit my lip. Sarah finally realized that the cop was addressing her and she just nodded at him. Obviously the guy is not satisfied with this and starts to ask her again at which point I interject and say if you want to go on a fishing expedition you might want to do it over there in the lawn where my doorbell camera isn't recording you. I think at this point I had pushed my luck with this guy. One too many times but what could I do? I think I was probably about 30 seconds from getting the cuffs slapped on me until his partner came up and basically pulled him away. He was an older man probably in his late 50s and probably didn't want to process two arrests right at the beginning of his shift especially when one of them was obviously going to be more trouble than it was worth. I'm pretty sure he talked him out of it and they left carrying Evelyn away and hopefully out of my life forever. At this point I'm thinking about if I want to stay here or not the fact that my parents live a couple of hours away combined with the thought of about how poor I am going to be in the short term here ruled out either their place or a hotel. So I just decided to sleep in the guest room. Sarah made some futile efforts to get me to engage with her in conversation or to sleep in our bed but I just told her we'd talk tomorrow and that I was tired and didn't want to be disturbed. Thankfully she let me be and I crashed hard. Harder than I had in years which pretty much brings us up to speed to the last update. But dear friends of Reddit, let me tell you this the next day was by far the weirdest day of my life. To start with I woke up at 11am Sarah was still home she had cleaned the house from top to bottom I mean the floor sparkled the toilets shined I could lick the linoleum in the bathroom and it probably be minty fresh. She had obviously been busy but when she saw me she sort of hovered out of immediate range not quite engaging but looking like she wanted to say something I get it. Last night was traumatic for everyone and she was probably uncertain Did I just cancel the wedding in the heat of the moment? Was I serious about this? Was I really angry? I took a deep breath and told her we needed to finish talking she tried to sit next to me on the couch and I thought about rebuffing her but I didn't. We were not getting married but I didn't need to act like I hated her because truthfully I didn't. I was disappointed in her decently disgusted by some of the things I had read in her text exchanges but we were both hurting here and I didn't want to make it any worse or escalate things to a point where life could get any more complicated than it already was It took some more convincing on my part for Sarah to truly and fully believe the wedding was off She was not taking it well Hell, that's an understatement She was a wreck I think she was hyperventilating a few times I was holding it together better but obviously not only was this my idea I had also had longer to come to terms with it Finally she asked the serious question What about us? I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from people for this especially the kind of redditors that think every infraction in a relationship is grounds for nuking it from orbit and indeed one could even say that my calling off the wedding was like dropping a mother of all bombs on our six year relationship but truthfully I didn't have an answer for Sarah in that moment I didn't know and I told her so I said I read all those text messages and it showed me a side of her that I didn't know existed and that I wasn't certain about her or our relationship anymore I said I couldn't understand why she would go along with Evelyn putting down Hank and joining in and even egging her on in cheating on not only him but their daughter too She just kept saying I know I know it was wrong I know but she couldn't provide one she just said that she got carried away and that she had to choose her sister I told her that I thought a good sister was someone who kept you on the straight and narrow and didn't give you a free pass to be a douchebag she agreed with me and said that she would do better but that Evelyn had always been the boss when they were kids and she was always the follower I get this I have an older sibling too and while I'm a bit more independent I also spent the last 18 years of my life with him living on the other side of the planet except for the odd occasional visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas but still maybe I had a leg up on Sarah because my older sibling was a decent guy while Evelyn was a piece of trash now here is where I get the second major shock of my life both within the same 48 hours Sarah says to me it's not fair what's not fair I ask her you were sexting that Bimbo wife Mandy girl on instagram last year and I got over it I was so hurt but I got over it why can't you get over this why what what the hell is she talking about who is this Bimbo wife Mandy like I have no freaking clue I ask her if she was high or having a psychotic break that was mean of me but I have absolutely not been doing cyber anything or doing whatever with anyone especially not some instagram girl with only fans I'm protesting pretty loudly at this point and Sarah is yelling at me through her tears telling me that she saw the messages last year and that she decided to not confront me because I had stopped it evidently she had been checking my socials from my home computer when I am at work which should have been really boring because I have only family and a couple of work friends on there I try to make this case to her offering to let her log into all my accounts and check for herself but she's just calling me a liar and a pervert and all sorts of things she starts throwing stuff at me so things are getting out of hand and I tell her that if she throws one more thing I'll have her taken out of this house just like her sister she swears at me and stomps off to the master bedroom and slams the door now at this point I'm so damn confused I barely know what to think I head into my office, fire up my desktop and type Bimbo Wife Mandy into Google sure enough there is an Instagram, a Twitter a Reddit even and of course an only fans I click on one of the Instagram links and up comes a post of an extremely busty woman like clearly pushing the limits of science and technology and guess where she's from Australia well everyone remember all the nice stuff I was saying about my brother guess who was staying with us last Christmas all the way from Australia guess who I told sure go ahead and use my office computer to play games if you have jet lag as far as I can tell my brother after his wife and kids went to sleep logged into either Insta or only fans or something and was probably paying money to text with this girl what a great guy now I would love to call my brother and not only confirm my suspicions but also give him a god damn earful but it's like 2 or 3 in the morning there so it's going to have to wait but I am crawling the walls here trying to sort out how I feel about everything I feel totally let down by everyone I think to myself damn what is this world coming to for a brief moment I try to connect the dots between whatever the hell Sarah saw my brother do and what she did with Evelyn but try as I might it doesn't really come together maybe she's a more tolerant or forgiving person than I am which is why she didn't confront me when she saw this but I wish she had it would have given me an opportunity to directly tell her my whole personal stance on these things and to even show her how I would act it might have influenced her in a good way later on or maybe it wouldn't have mattered I don't know all I know is that this post is becoming a novel and I have blown off most of the morning when I should be working to get this out of my head and onto this page I feel better for doing it but there is still probably another 2 to 3 posts left to tell I'm not going to post them to this subreddit anymore I'm not sure if they'd let me but I will try to quietly update my profile in the next video too with the rest of the blowout talking to my brother talking to my parents and Sarah's parents and finally where Sarah and I stand one thing that I can say however is it seems like most of my immediate family relationships are incredibly strained for various reasons my parents are largely supportive but that's becoming less so now that the reality of the financial loss is setting in yes the marriage is still off there is just a certainty from the get go Sarah's parents are a bit more pissed and I'm sure they are sticking pins in voodoo dolls crafted in my image right now Evelyn for people who are wondering is no longer in jail she got Sarah to bail her out and I even laid into Sarah for that calling her her sister's underling which I think actually struck a chord with her because she wrote me like a 20 page letter about how her sister always brought her around throughout her entire childhood I've read it twice now and I wish we had talked about this pretty much any time within the last six years maybe things would be different I don't know anyway read it if anyone is still interested expect a final chapter of this saga in like a day or two and maybe a follow up after the former wedding date passes well that was a ride I was not anticipating just binged the whole thing it is an incredible story that sounds like it belongs on a telenovela I've noticed that there has been some debate on the authenticity of this post but having been a practicing lawyer for the past 10 years mostly criminal law with a very light sprinkling of divorce and custody law I have seen and heard things like this and even beyond fact is stranger than fiction first of all you know your relationship better than any stranger on the internet ever will with that being said as an outsider looking in here are some things to consider when moving forward one, Evelyn will be a constant figure in your life if you reconcile with Sarah they are sisters she bailed her out after she assaulted you regardless of any control manipulation or bullying that Sarah is claiming it does not appear at least at the moment that she is willing to face that and stand up for herself if she ever will consider that Evelyn might be a hostile relationship that you will be signing up for if deciding to continue on with Sarah not saying people are unable to change but it is rare and only if the person is willing to for themselves not for anyone else two fighting too much is unhealthy on the flip side not fighting at all is equally unhealthy we are all human we have things that annoy us past experiences that shape the way we think differences of opinion and perspective insecurities no one gets along all the time and if they do then no real and truthful communication is occurring it is not a genuine relationship vast majority of the time my wife and I get along wonderfully she is my best friend but goodness knows we have had our arguments petty things that aggravate us emotional things needing alone time bad days at work or being hangry it happens the key is how you solve it and how you communicate when these things happen three the messages she forgave you for but never told you about a couple of ways to look at this a she was saving it as a get out of jail free card if she ever needed it such as in this moment most people would think she has done the same or at the very least thought about it b she is insecure and or not comfortable talking to you about it if this is the case it very well could be that she was following her sister because that is who she is non confrontational and preferring to keep the peace no matter the circumstances this is something she must work on herself with therapy because she will never have a healthy relationship with anyone she can never truly love someone because she doesn't love herself confrontations are needed not all the time but absolutely in situations like with the DMs choosing to stay silent versus voicing valid concerns means she is not being truthful with you or herself for the stages of her behavior after canceling the wedding is highly concerning first with the crying then the DMs and finally with physically throwing things at you when it sets in the wedding is really canceled it is the physical violence that raises the biggest flag especially after her sister just assaulted you I understand emotions and tensions were high but it never excuses this type of behavior the vast majority of domestic violence cases are not a one and done deal this could be an exception but I've seen too much in my years of working statistically it usually continues and escalates five the real test will be after the previously scheduled wedding date enlisting out some of the reasons she was trying to convince you to change your mind one thing stood out to me embarrassing is all this just to save face not to have to go through the embarrassment of having to inform family friends that the wedding has been canceled or is it because of her legitimate feelings towards you going back to the non-confrontational aspect of her personality you have painted this scenario may be her worst nightmare having to have awkward and embarrassing conversations about what has occurred versus going into her comfort zone keeping the peace this may be nothing but just a thought six future relationship within laws I support your decision in exposing the affair saying that you have not only canceled a wedding again support with Sarah losing money etc but you have also exposed Evelyn's lies which led to her marriage deteriorating it is not your fault Evelyn's decisions are to blame but how will Sarah and Evelyn's parents view it will they blame and enable their daughter's behavior or will they be parents and understand that while they love them their daughters actions were wrong seven already been said but bears repeating when someone shows you who they are believe them cheating is deplorable lying through a mission is still lying you saw the messages we did not but based off your account Sarah did not bat an eye to what her sister was doing didn't condemn it she encouraged it she could have easily come to you as her fiance with what was going on she chose not to when it blew up in her face it is then that she brings up the history with the sister you have been with this woman for six years and she fails to mention any of this until the moment you call the wedding off is it truth or convenience with that book being written I am still an outsider looking in you are at the best vantage point to determine what is right for you moving forward I understand the time crunch with the wedding and affair I understand wanting to make sure they didn't have an opportunity to try and hide it that being said you do need to have a talk with your brother so as not to be labeled a hypocrite by Sarah her family your own inner conscience and online strangers following this in an ideal world Evelyn should have told Hank herself and owned up to what she had done in an ideal world your brother would do the same so his wife doesn't have to hear it from you or someone else I do think that Sarah is a very conflict avoidant people pleaser type of person I also think I largely ignored it because it mostly worked in my favor especially when I was the person she was trying to please I mean it feels great to have a doting girlfriend until it becomes apparent that the core reason for this behavior is an overwhelming insecurity that leaves her vulnerable to all sorts of manipulation that being said I don't know how much this understanding counts for other than making me a bit sad that I don't have a time machine I am truly sorry that this has happened that you even have to think about these kind of things I can't even imagine what it must feel like calling off the wedding was the smartest thing to do because even if you reconcile with each other things need to be repaired and reevaluated you both need time she needs to work on herself and her ability to be authentically her if she doesn't do this any relationship she has will end in disaster people can only suppress things for so long and end up hurting someone they claim to love when everything boils over you make a valid point on people pleasing leaving her vulnerable to manipulation in a way it leaves those who interact with her vulnerable as well because they never know where they truly stand instead of stating the truth it is what they want to hear leading to bad advice condoning inappropriate actions etc a genuine friendship or relationship is based on truth not what the other person wants to hear although I completely understand liking and enjoying this it is nice to have someone like that for a time until it isn't until the truth is worth more than hurt feelings real trust and real love and just romantic love is based in truth good bad ugly indifferent if Sarah is able to stand up for herself and not bow to everyone else's comforts it may well change her you may learn new things about her some things you like and others you don't so be prepared for that should it occur perhaps what has happened will push Sarah in the right direction to work on herself and for both of you to move forward if only we had time machines I'm sure everyone would change things to avoid the hurt they caused but you will come out stronger when the sadness passes and so will the anger and frustration you will have a better understanding of yourself as strange and messed up as it is the circumstances are like a terrible blessing to avoid making a life commitment to someone you still don't know fully it is okay for you to talk to someone too because this is a lot for one person to go through in such a short time holy crap OP it's me bimbo wife Mandy I've been following your story since last week and my mind is blown to see me being mentioned I am so sorry for you you seem like a real sweet guy I hope everything turns out okay and if you need someone to back you up I will totally help just DM me and we'll work it out wow why is the internet such a damn small space you know I might actually take you up on that offer but I wouldn't know how to go about it I'll send you a message wow this story is going to conclude with OP and busty wife Mindy falling in love and living happily ever after Netflix will definitely make a documentary out of this if that happens no way I don't think that will happen be careful OP these only fans women in their ads are getting out of hand this is the plot twist of this century this update has taken longer to get around to than I originally intended a lot of things have happened over the last couple of days that have kept me pretty busy and it really wasn't until today when I had some free time after lunch that I could sit down and get this out I'll try to get through as much as I can before that however I just want to mention a couple of things in response to comments from the last post I'll try to be brief firstly I don't know much of what's going on with Hank and his divorce other than to my knowledge he's still divorcing her obviously no papers or anything but the intention is clear in addition to that I'm not really in the position to be advocating for any sort of course of action that Hank should take or offering him legal advice or assisting him in doing anything to the other man or tracking down the other man's wife etc Hank is a grown ass man and he can do whatever he wants with the situation and my position as his friend is just to support him and offer advice if he asks for it secondly this isn't some sort of guerrilla marketing for an only fans girl if it was I should have done it on the first post which hit the front page of reddit and was seen by over 3 million people also given that this post got so popular on reddit it's not really a surprise that Bimbo wife Mandy another redditor happened to be following the story of her name it could have easily been any other of the hundreds and hundreds maybe even thousands of girls who use reddit to post their pictures and as a brief aside speaking of Mandy I have indeed talked to her she was actually quite helpful in confirming something for me and as a person she seems quite nice but guys there is no romance plans here in the future Mandy is married evidently quite happily so and for almost two decades I think the handle wife should have given that away and frankly while her husband must be cool with it she's way too much for an insurance guy like me to handle seriously so with that all out of the way on to the update last time I wrote in I ended it up with me assuming that my brother had used my office computer to chat with Mandy but it was too late his time for me to contact him I am one of those guys that once a problem is put in front of him I must be actively working on trying to solve it this is great for my career choice but in situations like this all I was doing was driving myself insane so I decided to take a deep breath leave everything until later and carry on with what I needed to do first thing up was attempting to contact every person from my side that I had invited to the wedding that I had not yet informed about its cancellation as you may recall I had already informed my parents and had them contact my relatives on the day I made up my mind but only myself and Sarah have the complete guest list so I needed to do the rest myself out of respect for my friends I decided to call instead of text but this might have been a bad idea since every phone call typically resulted in a rather lengthy explanation of why I was canceling the wedding I know I could have given some other excuse but I wanted people to know that I wasn't being frivolous or just experiencing something inane like cold feet it was important not just for my own reputation but I think in order to show respect to the people who had agreed to come on that day to support myself and Sarah as a couple because of this it wasn't until late into the evening when I finally managed to contact everyone it was now morning time in Australia I knew what I needed to do but I wanted to make sure that my ducks were all in a row so I took a breather and made a sandwich in the kitchen I noticed that Sarah wasn't home I had no idea when she left and sat down to eat and think about what to do with my brother's situation let's call my brother Carl for the sake of shortness here now Carl and I have always been pretty close despite him being 13 years older than me he was this sort of quasi parental figure in my life because by the time I became capable of having long term memories he was already well on his way to becoming an adult he was always generous with his time played with his little brother when other teenagers would probably have avoided such an activity like the plague and generally seemed very mature and wise to me growing up suffice it to say I respected him greatly the idea that he had been in contact with a woman who wasn't his wife in my house was something that I was still coming to grips with and I needed to decide what to do talking to him about it was obvious but at this point given how much of a shambles my relationship with Sarah was I didn't know if I cared about having him confess just for the sake of clearing my name was there anything to salvage anyway I needed to for my own sake of propriety at least yell at him about this and convince him to stop however I wasn't sure if I was going to rat him out or not to his wife my sister-in-law let's call her Karen all right Carl and Karen it is guys it all depended on what he told me and if I believed him or not I finished my meal and logged into Facebook and video called Carl now Carl works mostly from home as a remote office worker since his field is related to IT and he's almost always available during the day and today was no exception it didn't even ring more than once or twice before he answered we greeted each other exchanged some pleasantries and then I just sort of dove into it and asked him if he had been using my computer to chat women on the internet when he was visiting me Carl's face froze and he leaned over out of frame of the camera he was obviously closing his office door yeah I did why he said to me I swore under my breath and explained to Carl how Sarah had thought that his flirting was me since he used my computer I explained that I wasn't happy to take the hit for him and I asked him point blank if Karen knew about this or not he waffled for a few seconds stumbling over his words and then looked a bit sheepish and said that no Karen didn't know and he'd prefer if it was kept that way he went on to explain that their relationship had been pretty rough since their youngest was born four years ago mainly in the bedroom department Carl had always been a pretty private person especially when it came to intimate details or at least he had always been that way when talking to his much younger baby brother however this time he just let it all lay out things had been bad he had been tired of getting rejected Karen was always tired no matter what he did or how much he helped out around the house eventually this led to problems on his side some sort of performance anxiety on the few occasions where Karen would actually feel up for some bedroom fun and things just got worse from there basically he said there's no amount of socks picked up laundry folded, dishes washed or time spent minding children that would get me lucky it was just not happening so I started to spend time in my office at night working he even did the finger quotes when saying this evidently his working at night turned into a pretty hardcore addiction to only fans sites which given the relative privacy he had in his office for legitimate work spiraled out of control pretty quickly I asked him if he was still doing it and he swore up and down that he wasn't I thought I believed him when he said it he seemed to be sincere but I just had this niggling feeling in my skull that something was off maybe it was because of all of the deceit I had encountered recently but I was doubting my own brother who has really been a stand up guy to me our entire lives together I really hated being in this situation now the problem I faced was pretty complex here first if I wanted to clear my name then I would have to get my brother to tell Sarah that it was him all along however if he did that there's no guarantee that Sarah wouldn't spitefully inform Karen I personally thought it would be best if Karen knew but at the same time I didn't know if I felt comfortable potentially dropping a nuke on my brother's marriage over something he not only said he stopped but is in this sort of moral grey area for me I didn't have an answer right away as to what to do but I did urge him to tell his wife about this and to get into marriage counselling he said that they actually had been going for the last six months and while it was helpful what had really helped him was getting a prescription for some generic Viagra I actually did a spit take at that neatly spraying my computer screen with water he told me that they had been trying to make sure they have intimate time at least a couple of times a week and the Viagra had cured him of his performance anxiety to the point where now they were both looking forward to spending time together after the kids went to bed the general gist of this was something along the lines of hey this is actually going in the right direction now please don't screw this up for us I really really really didn't want to be in this position not just for the sake of Carl and Karen but for my two nieces as well and if what Carl was telling me was the truth I could be tossing a firebomb into a relationship that was starting to mend it was unpredictable what would happen so yeah it may disappoint some people but at the time I felt that the best option I had was to wait and see I was after all going to meet him in a couple of weeks in the flesh and once I got him alone in a room and a few drinks into him I was going to definitely get to the bottom of this it seemed like the best course of action anyway that night I went to bed early I didn't see Sarah until the next morning she looked haggard like she had a distinct lack of sleep I asked her where she had been mostly out of habit after all we had been together for almost six years she told me that she had gone down to the courthouse for Evelyn's arraignment to post bail the courts here close at 1pm on the weekends which is why she had disappeared soon after I went into my office and that afterwards she had driven her to her parents house and spent the night she made a point of telling me how horrible it was to have to explain to her parents that I had called off the wedding I asked her if her parents knew the reason why and she barked of course they do I tried to remain calm but by this point in this ordeal I was losing it I bit back at her are you going to move back there so that they have both girls at home now it was childish and petty but the fact that she bailed Evelyn out of jail annoyed me to no end you don't need to be an ass about this she said to which I said and you don't need to be Evelyn's freaking underling I could see Sarah visibly flinch when I said that to her it obviously had struck a chord and the corners of her eyes started to tear up and I cooled my temper we just sort of stood there miles apart in the living room of our house and didn't say anything for a good solid minute or two until Sarah decided to continue talking our parents are going to be here at three I actually facepalmed at this I was about to go off on her for not consulting me on this but decided that was just my own ego after all I did need to sit down with them and work out the details around the wedding and whatever remaining deposit we had I also needed to at least once face to face explain to everyone why it wasn't happening let's do this and get it out of the way I tried to make myself busy but there isn't much you can do on a Sunday except waste time and time wasting isn't very enjoyable when you know you are heading into the meat grinder in just a few hours still three p.m. came and so did our parents we all sat down at the large kitchen table that Sarah had bought just a month after we closed on the house it was second hand from Facebook marketplace she loved it because it was solid oak with a beautiful finish and capable of seating eight and just as heavy as that sounds she always wanted to have big dinner parties with our families over just not like this the next three hours were grueling no one was happy nor should they be I guess the best support I could get came unsurprisingly from my own parents but even that was tempered essentially along the lines of well it's his decision to make which more or less means yeah, we think this is crazy too but we're still backing him honestly, that was fine with me I didn't need my parents to get the stigma by association of cancelling the wedding I was fine with owning that eventually we worked out a decent deal in regards to the wedding we would try to get back whatever money we could split it back however it was contributed some things like the honeymoon were all paid by me the flowers were all paid for by Sarah's parents and then eat whatever losses there were communally however when it came to the subject of the house Sarah vehemently objected to my idea of paying back her or her parents for the deposit basically she didn't intend to move now as you might imagine Sarah and I hadn't really talked about the us living together situation in too much detail the fact that I even brought up settling the house equity seemed to shock her because the implication here is that I expect her to move out of our home she threw a fit and I don't blame her I should have settled our relationship status with her first before trying to negotiate a payment plan with her parents it really tipped my hand to everyone about how I was feeling about or relationship and while I think our parents expected it Sarah was beside herself she was absolutely not accepting of us breaking up over this and she made it clear I'm not moving out of my house and we are not breaking up she declared and that's pretty much how my Sunday night ended after our parents left Sarah and I tried to talk it out some more but we kept running in circles around each other and I had to curb my natural inclination to run her down until we got a resolution truthfully I was pretty damn tired as well and I just wanted to turn off my brain believe it or not we just ended up sitting on the couch and watching a movie together in silence until it was time to go to sleep we left it there with a we'll talk about it more tomorrow and retreated to our separate rooms on Monday I woke up to a large hand written letter slid under the door from Sarah I took a brief look at the first few pages and decided I would deal with it later and went to work when I left Sarah was still in bed she must have been up late writing that letter at the office I rescheduled some meetings and started calling venues and vendors that were on my list the other ones were being handled by Sarah or her parents it was a mixed bag of results the catering people were adamant that I pay most of their fees under the pretense that they had ordered most of the food I shot back at them over this like were they expecting me to eat a week old steak but my appeal fell on deaf ears I tried talking to the woman who ran the catering business and explaining what happened but that seemed to only firm up her resolve to get as much money as possible out of me inversely the DJ that I had hired for the entertainment was incredibly kind and gave us back almost all of the money it wasn't much however things went on like this and during the day between making calls and doing work I read Sarah's letter now this is 20 pages of written words so I'm just going to summarize the gist of it was that ever since childhood Sarah has been bullied by Evelyn and in response Sarah's way of dealing with this was to essentially go along with whatever Evelyn wants or wants to hear to say that it had become sort of a general way of operating in her life that she was just afraid to rock the boat to cause a problem or sometimes even to voice an opinion I reflected on this because truthfully when I look back at our relationship with a more critical eye I kind of think that Sarah was a bit too perfect of a girlfriend what I mean by that is she never disagreed with me never picked her plans over mine or even really advocated too strongly against anything I wanted to do she went out of her way to make herself appear useful and all around acted more or less like a yes woman in our relationship I mean we had never even so much as had a minor disagreement in six years let alone a full blown argument until now it sounds great from a relationship standpoint until of course it's not I couldn't shake this feeling that Sarah has this deep seated insecurity a need to make people happy you know what they call people pleasing behaviour when I start looking at it this way a lot of things make sense to me and I start to realise that despite being with Sarah for six years I don't actually know her that well it's like she's put up this image around her which is really just a mirror a reflection of whatever she thinks people want to see and in the case of our relationship she's more or less been acting my role of the perfect real friend while never really letting me inside to see who she is as a person hell I can't even say that what I saw in those text messages is the real Sarah because it's almost certainly just another reflection this time of Evelyn and all her warts and faults this may sound weird but it's like we are in this unequal relationship whereas maybe she loves me for who I am and how I wear my thoughts on my face and my heart on my sleeve maybe I only love her for the mirror she is holding up to my face I don't know if this sounds too metaphysical for you then I'm right there as well it's like this wisp of an idea that I'm still trying to catch by my fingertips all I know is that in the last few days I've probably learned more about Sarah than I had in the last six years and the letter she wrote me was the first real view into her childhood that I had glimpsed that night we talked more about this specifically about her childhood about her behaviour the conclusion that we came to is that she needs help she's a grown woman who is sadly stuck acting like a child too scared to displease anyone lest she face her sister's wrath or her parents disapproval or the loss of love from the ones she loves this is no way to have a relationship and I can say that I feel much more confident and assured that my decision to call off the wedding was the correct one in fact it could not be any more correct that night after our talk I went to bed with much less angst than I had in a few days so this basically brings me up to end this update and once again it's a freaking novel I won't wait two or three days to do another one otherwise I will keep falling forever for people who have been wondering the entire situation with my brother is more or less resolved and I'll get to that tomorrow but the situation with Sarah and I is still up in the air but there is a semblance of a plan going forward I promise I'll get to it as soon as I can but as you can imagine there is a lot to write and I can only do what I can do thank you I admire your forthrightness and your insight it seems to be coming clear that you really didn't know the woman you were going to marry and after six years that's a lot to process I guess the moral is to never trust the perfect because nothing ever is we're humans not machines as for your brother there are people here who are going to say that what you're doing in waiting is exactly the same thing that Sarah did with her sister but it isn't you're waiting a few weeks not six months and you're not egging him on or bashing your sister in law the way Sarah did her to her brother in law and for what it's worth Sarah may have felt bullied by her sister but she didn't have to double down or pile on the mocking of your brother in law Hank that was optional and a pretty crappy thing to do wishing you the best yeah I think people have focused too much on what Evelyn was doing not what my primary cause for concern here was Sarah actively helping conceal an affair by lying to Hank's face the girls crap I saw going on back and forth in between them also there is a big difference between Evelyn and my brother Carl Evelyn was still actively carrying on a physical affair Carl engaged in what I consider a much more morally grey area of cyber texting some random bimbo no offence to the aforementioned self-proclaimed bimbo and he stopped it and even had what I consider a better justification for doing it like I said in a comment from an earlier post Evelyn's main argument was that she was bored and she thought her affair partner Jake was hot that's it he was hot and readily available also I do have proof that Carl stopped it thanks to Mandy the information she was able to provide me with jives with what Carl told me but I'll get into that in the next post because it's kind of complicated I don't want to write another 10 paragraphs right now what you decide as a grey area might not be something your sister-in-law Karen sees that way and what should be telling that she doesn't see it as a grey area is the fact that even though they're in marriage counseling he hasn't told her about the cyber escapades and as someone else said you have evidence he stopped with Mandy but what about others lastly if you don't tell Karen why did you tell Hank that you feel bad for dropping a nuke on his family I think it's pretty obvious that I don't equate the behaviour here to be the same this is absolutely something that we can disagree with but if I had read the text exchanges between Evelyn and Sarah and they had been different in many ways I would have done totally different things for instance if Sarah had not been encouraging Evelyn and had instead been telling her to stop and not going along with the lying and covering up well as I stated many times in previous comments and posts I wouldn't have called off the wedding it was specifically her actions here around how she handled the cheating situation not that she just knew about it which bothered me specifically the lying to Hank secondly if the messages from Evelyn were along the lines of wow I really regret cheating on Hank and I hope we can work on our marriage if I had been perfectly blunt I wouldn't have told Hank about it at all I know a lot of people will hate that but my stance is that if Hank is happy and their daughter is happy and if Evelyn was remorseful and trying to be a good wife and mom then I would have been fine to let her try I'm not saying that I would never have told Hank because for certain if I caught on that Evelyn was going back on her word I would have felt like she had blown the chance lastly as I said at the top of this comment I don't put the actions of Evelyn and Carl on the same level I get that this is a personal value but that's mine I just don't see them the same I don't even see what Carl did as emotional cheating since it's not like he fell in love with Mandy he just read some paid for fiction that she typed through a chat message and well did his thing if anything I find knowing about this embarrassing for both of us on top of that he's expressed remorse gave a semi-decent reason Evelyn's reason was that Jake was hot so yeah and told me he had quit and that his relationship was getting better I guess I'm just not a hardliner I like to apply nuance to everything particularly my interpersonal relationships I felt that my actions in both cases were appropriate I know this will anger both the people who think that I shouldn't have ratted out Evelyn and the people who instantly want to dump, nuke or destroy anyone that they think has cheated even an iota but guys, I am not you that's all there is to it with another married person just for funsies are not the same it is so funny to me how most people say OP should have told Karen about what Carl did yet they themselves don't view what Carl did as cheating to add on to that those same people are saying well Karen might think it's cheating like why are y'all speaking for her while I agree that she should know the difference between Carl and Evelyn is night and day that's the two is honestly just dim please either re-read the story or learn how to read OP is not condoning the actions of his brother nor is he hiding it he did not beat around the bush and got right to it when he got on the phone with his brother told his brother to tell his wife and even went as far as to get confirmation from the only fans woman as well as saying that he is going to grill him more when they meet in person for all you people that say he might be sexting others so many of y'all don't even see what Carl did is cheating yet want to say Karen might but put yourself in OP shoes not only did he suddenly find out about this on top of everything else he is dealing with but y'all want him to blow up his brother's life when his own life is already in shambles give the man a second to breathe and regroup from what he's got going on not only is what Carl did much different than what Evelyn did but it is genuinely a morally grey area so many of us don't know where we stand on it so it's not our place to speculate on how Karen is going to feel when it's generally a grey area in many marriages where Evelyn was doing something so undoubtedly wrong Carl was doing something that many of us OP included don't even categorically recognize as for lack of a better word cheating so y'all want OP to go tell Karen when the majority of us don't even view what Carl did as cheating just to implode their life and marriage instead, I think OP has carried himself in the best manner he could by still expressing his disapproval urging his brother to tell his wife and following up when they see each other it is more than understandable that he wanted to give his brother the chance to do the right thing with his wife and tell her the truth on his own now tell me how any of that is the same as what Sarah did where one partner actively encouraged their sibling's affair and put down the sibling's spouse the other is denouncing their sibling's actions taking his sibling and his sibling's wife's feelings into careful consideration while slowly trying to navigate this sudden situation cautiously on top of having to deal with the pre-existing Sarah situation lastly Sarah's a messed up person and she needs help what she did was dead wrong without a shadow of a doubt but it doesn't have to be the defining moment of her life or character I truly hope she gets the help she needs and while I hope that OP and Sarah end up together ultimately if that's not mutually beneficial to both then I hope they can amicably split OP you need therapy I've read through all of this twice and the conclusion I'm reaching is that you have exceptionally high standards for everyone to adhere to what you're saying you don't want to be marrying a liar when you're used to that in your job people-pleasers do not hide their people-pleasing it is often incredibly obvious for those who choose to see it even those not in your job would know if they're dating a people-pleaser for someone in your position it should have been blindingly obvious you chose not to see your girlfriend for who she is not even having minor disagreement is a huge red flag that you would have seen you made the choice to ignore it and you are now blaming her for not showing you the real her when she absolutely did you also hold these high standards that nobody is ever going to meet standards that you clearly don't communicate and break yourself you might not see how you treated your brother to be the same as what you did with your fiance and her sister-in-law but it is very close when you suspected your fiance of being a part in her sister's cheating you didn't even ask her about it you went behind her back and checked her phone then you made several cancellations and decisions behind her back you didn't give her a chance to confide in you she answered that phone call in front of you she trusted on some level that if you had realized she was lying you would either ignore it or you would talk to her about it you say you wish she had come to you about her suspicions you'd been sexting someone else so you could explain your side to the community you do not understand your fiance and you don't want to understand you are closed minded and everything is black and white right and wrong for you I feel it is better for her to get out of marrying you you are also quite controlling you have to be in charge you had to tell Hank about his wife's cheating without discussing it you had to cancel things for the wedding before even telling your fiance you had to buy her out of the house and after you decided everything else she's organized when the parents should come around every time she tried to open up a discussion you shut her down it had to be when you could be on top you even broke the news to her in front of her sibling because of a rigid timeline you'd set for yourself not for her, not for the two of you you cannot be in a partnership with someone who isn't a people pleaser because nobody is going to meet your closed mindedness or high standards without being one you do not get to decide what is actually cheating and who is or isn't safe your brother cheated just like Evelyn did regardless of how you feel about severity it isn't about how you feel stop being too sided about it it's inconvenient for you to tell your brother's wife just like it was inconvenient for Sarah to tell her sister's husband Shoe isn't comfortable now that you're walking in them suddenly things have a grey area of someone you love and something you would have to get involved in apologies as this update took long to get around to but to be blunt, after the chaos that happened initially started to die down and my state of hypervigilance started to dwindle I found myself sinking into a deep, depressive funk that sapped most of my will to do almost anything and recounting the crap show that is my life became really, really unappealing the date for the wedding has now come and gone and I'm on vacation with my siblings and my brother's family and starting to really feel like most of this is behind me so anyway, on to the updates first off since this is the thing that seems to really bother people my brother and his wife are doing fine like I said in my last post I urged my brother to tell Karen about what he did with the Australian only fans girl in the way is a very lovely person I sort of hinted in my last update that I had gotten confirmation from Mandy to back up my brother's story and according to her the timelines matched up and not only that but his only fans account no longer exists now she could be lying to me to protect a customer but I don't think that's the case and she seemed like a genuine person my brother, for his part did tell his wife what had happened to the marriage counseling sessions and according to him she took it pretty well and is treating it as water under the bridge I did pull her aside last week and asked her if she was really okay with this and she told me I'll have to paraphrase this a bit OP were not as squeaky clean as you think both of us watch adult content and that's basically what I consider this to be it's not like he was going to run off and have an affair with her I asked her if she would feel the same way and she admitted a worker it's legal where they live and she said no, she wouldn't but he didn't so I guess that's their clear line it's a bit different from mine and a lot of loud people on Reddit but if the noises I heard coming from their hotel room last night are any indication they are doing fine and their dead bedroom situation is totally resolved honestly, these two are borderline they switched rooms with her and now the kids are with her and they are both little girls and love having a sleep over with their auntie and they have two babysitters who are happy to take the kids while they run off and do lord knows what we know what but let's not talk about it overall I think I did the right thing in giving him the space to make this right on his own even though people hounded me for it I will strongly argue that the situation with my brother and the situation with Evelyn were like comparing night and day I don't agree that cybering someone you know is a professional is anywhere near the same ballpark as actively carrying on an affair and I don't think my actions in how I dealt with it were anything close to how Sarah did like I said in my previous post she not only hid the affair from Hank she actively engaged in disparaging conversations about him and said several other things that I won't recount here for various reasons suffice it to say I feel good about this choice on my part and people who don't agree with me can put their heads in an oven for all I care next up I think is the wedding itself there isn't much to say here Sarah and I and our families lost our shirt on it but that was expected I forced the caterer who had ordered all that food to either give me back a bigger refund or give me the food and she chose the latter enough we now have a lot of frozen steak chicken and fish it was delivered to my parents house and I think they are passing it out to interested parties likewise some wedding gifts from far away relatives arrived and are at my house until we can send them back the date just came and passed and for the sake of both of our sanities Sarah and I spent it apart as for the issue with Hank and Evelyn I don't think this is something that's going to be settled anytime soon Hank is absolutely divorcing Evelyn but it's difficult for him primarily because she's making it difficult by begging him to reconsider on top of that school is starting again and so Hank will be back with this students instead of taking care of their daughter every day I think that's really hurting him right now because spending every day with his parents and his kid was really helping him mentally despite what some people have wished for Hank hasn't made a big stink about this at Evelyn's work despite the fact that he probably could get them both fired since it became obvious that they were using work trips to hook up on the company's dime nor has he gone and told Jake's wife about the affair either something I strongly disagree with when I questioned him about it all he said is that he's in no big hurry after all he has the text messages the photos from the pub and the video he took when he entered the house basically he could bury this guy whenever he wants to I think in some kind of twisted way hippy-dippy Hank the Birkenstock wearing teacher is enjoying making this guy sweat it out either that or maybe he's enjoying making Evelyn fully realize her place in the world at this point just a side piece to a married man I'm not sure but Hank has definitely gotten a bit darker over this whole thing that I can blame him everything I know about Evelyn is second hand from Sarah but the way I understand it she is largely just going to work and coming straight back to her parents house every day like a teenager on curfew I don't think they are pleased with either of their daughters right now but oddly enough even though the implosion of Sarah and mine's wedding was extremely public I think that it's being drowned out by the constant drama that is Evelyn's impending divorce Sarah said it almost seemed like they forgot about her once they realize that Hank was seriously taking steps to divorce Evelyn and their concern about having access to their granddaughter I sort of get that they are very doting grandparents and I'm sure their anger at Evelyn is compounded by the fact that their access to their grand child is going to be essentially cut in half now on to the big event Sarah and I first off I don't think that this update is likely to make anyone happy not the people who urged me to eat her out of my life nor the people who demand that I treat her with sympathy and compassion for her obviously screwed up mental issues the facts are that aside from the lying and hiding the affair what shook me the most was probably the way that she carried on with her sister in those text messages maybe people would understand me better I shared them but I simply refuse to repeat it and I don't want to get into arguments over their content suffice it to say it was enough for me to reconsider Sarah's complete character which is largely where I am at today still considering it that's not to say that we are still together definitely not in the way we were as an engaged couple but we haven't completely closed the door on the relationship either I've come to understand a bit more about what kind of person Sarah is and which parts of her are genuine and which parts are facsimile constructed in order for her to ingratiate herself to people her sister included basically it helps to be able to put a name to what is going on with her this people pleasing behavior it helps more to understand how it started her family with copious examples retold to me and it further helps that she is actively seeking help for it on top of that even though I found her behavior extremely gross and inappropriate I give her a lot of credit for how she dealt with the situation when I came home that night to find her and Evelyn on our couch she didn't lie she didn't minimize and she largely took accountability for what she did remember at the time she didn't know that I had seen her text messages with Evelyn and she definitely could have tried to omit her participation or minimize it some way but she didn't she was truthful to me even when she knew it would make her look bad that actually counts for a lot in my book which is why I'm looking at simply changing the chapter instead of closing it to be clear this isn't a victory for the forgive her and blame everything on the sister crowd because frankly I haven't forgiven her and our situation is very different now she has moved back into her old room at her parents house and Evelyn although Sarah will probably be out of there in a couple weeks because she says the environment is not good for her mental health or getting help with her issues I'm paying back her equity in the house in fortnightly installments out of my pay until we are all caught up which will help her defray the costs of getting an apartment on her own we are definitely not together right now Sarah really did not want to accept this I can see her point of view even be sympathetic to it but also if she really has these emotional problems that appears she does then I felt that pushing the issue could be the way to light a fire under her pants to get her to finally seek some real help for them and just forgiving her would be tantamount to sweeping everything under the rug which in the long run would spell disaster for our relationship I really wish that she had opened up to me earlier before all of this hit the fan because I'd much rather handle the problem as a loving partner and support her more closely but she didn't really give me the opportunity to do that which is a shame so this is the best I can do at this point so basically my situation is more or less just wait and see on the Sarah front maybe one or both of us will get tired of this and completely throw in the towel and move on completely it could almost certainly be me but frankly I've no desire to further complicate my life by being intimate with any other woman right now so I think if anything we're looking at a period of months down the line here until we get a firm resolution one way or another on this front and I'm frankly fine with that not everything needs to progress at a hyper-emotional breakneck pace and if I look at my situation I'm fine financially we're separated we're not living together I'm not critical about the entire situation I'm also not kidding myself if at any point I think that Sarah's issues are too big of a deal or that I can't see us rebuilding trust with each other then I will dip I have no interest in prolonging a situation that I see as hopeless which I guess says it all I don't think it's hopeless I just think it's going to be difficult and I'm open to waiting a bit to see how it plays out to the point even where I'm seeking my own counselor to help me process the events of the last few weeks as well as looking into how Sarah and I interacted with each other because I do actually believe that while I might have been fooled by her it was partially a willing deception on my part because who wouldn't love a girlfriend who never disagrees with them always wants to do what they do and goes out of her way to make sure you're happy before she is the thing I am struggling with and maybe Sarah as well can you in love she has for me and how much of it is just a deeply ingrained need to please other people born out of her fear of rejection and anxiety I guess barring throwing in the towel when we reach the bottom of that question will know the answer to Sarah and mine's relationship I know it's not the update that everyone wanted but it's all I got maybe check this space in a few months and see how it played out once again thanks everyone who sent me supportive messages and a pox on the rest of you lol did you tell Sarah that you have now spoken with that onlyfans model yeah I cleared up the whole situation with the onlyfans model Mandy and my brother and even offered to get my brother to confirm it but Sarah believed me straight away I asked her why she didn't immediately bring it up if it made her so uncomfortable and she said more or less that she was too afraid to lose me over it which I pointed out to her was part of the overall problem she has she agreed with me and it turned into another long discussion about her insecurities like I said in my post above I understand at least intellectually what she is going through and I'm willing to give this at least a little bit of time to see how the situation evolves but ultimately I'm not too keen on being in a relationship with someone that essentially practices deception as a way to deal with her insecurities she really needs to overcome this not just to have a relationship but as a person in life, in general you are right those are her demons to fight even if things were different and you helped her as a loving fiance that's all that you could have done you cannot fight her demons for her help goes a long way but you can't help those who don't want to help themselves who knows this might be a good thing in a long run maybe your relationship grows stronger in the end just go your separate ways just let her find herself and connect after a month or couple of months then see if she is still the girl for you or even if you're still the guy for her all that you can do now is to work on yourself to get yourself back to a good place her mental health is important but so is yours don't go down the rabbit hole of what ifs just let time tell hindsight is 20-20 ask yourself if you love this girl enough to wait for her for a couple of months if you would take a chance on waiting for her take a chance that your love for each other was real and not just part of her facade and your rose tinted glasses in the meantime it's not like you don't have other stuff to do self-improvement is constant and never ending wish you the best man good luck to you OP it sounds like a very mature way of handling things have you asked if she ever cheated on you was never really a concern of mine and still isn't like I elaborated before she's been largely attached to my hip for years now and I mean this no after work drinks no girls nights no weekends away with the girls nothing like that and I have had complete access to her phone social media etc since we started living together I think what she did with Evelyn was bad but I also think from understanding her better way of not being confrontational with her older domineering sister basically I know she has some problems but I don't think that this is one of them so and as testament it never crossed my mind to even worry about it and frankly due to my line of work fraud investigation she'd have to be beyond world class to pull something off like that under my nose hell the whole reason why I called off the wedding was just spurred by me catching her in a single lie I'm almost 50 I've been cheated on and I also went through so many stories out there unfortunately no suspicious behavior is not necessarily the only indication one of the most consistent things is if one is a cheater then the rest usually are as well this held true in many stories there is a guy that posted here wife asked for a hall pass after cancer her friends gave him a hard time for divorcing his wife and her one night stand so he called up their husbands yep they were all cheating he said it in his comments also for women not acting suspicious is not the only indication because they usually cover for each other when I was in my early 20s I was dating a Hispanic girl we ended things but at one point she took me to have a meal at her uncle's house met her cousins and they were a tight family her second aunt lived next door her grandpa lived across the street she also lived next door you get the picture after dinner I was sitting with her and her married cousin the perfect wife that went to work and came home right away and surrounded by family we were talking and her next door aunt came in and said something in Spanish after we left their house the girl that I was seeing was acting weird and finally told me on the ride back that her aunt was the alibi for her cousins affair her cousin would leave the kid with her mom at the aunt's house it turned out she was having an affair with that same aunt's brother-in-law so they would hook up at the aunt's house and she was telling her the details of the next hook-up date when she spoke in Spanish then there are many stories out there that had the perfect wife just for a husband to find a note with a sorry bro I didn't know she was married I can keep going I am not trying to put doubt inside your head but a cheating sister increases the chance drastically that she also cheats no woman will feel confident bringing her lover in front of other women if they weren't cheaters themselves so it's a little naive to think that she is surrounded by all that trash and comes out as the clean one it's a question that you can at least ask to say the least it will help understand the level of destroyed trust due to her actions especially after all that happened either way good luck to you I personally would have ended it because there is too much doubt after all that happened but you two are older and her parents seems wonderful so I see why you might want to work things out with all the time spent with her and good memories I certainly would advise a prenup in making sure you will always be the sole owner of your property I would advise you to add a polygraph test in the prenup to answer all questions before marriage such as if she cheated and if her past is what she actually told you to know if she is truly innocent regardless of how horrible she was this most likely wasn't her sister's first affair anyway, you handled yourself in an excellent way and managed a tough situation you should be proud of your actions and choices if things work out between the two of you and she is able to cut ties with her sister you might have a good chance of making it through she definitely learned a big lesson out of this and faced the consequences of her actions so she knows she can't mess around with it that might be what was needed to have a good relationship again, good luck to you, sorry for the rant sure it's a little naive as you've said but it's a little presumptuous to think that I, the person closest to the situation with the most information and experience and let's be real, practical training by profession should be second guessing my gut sorry if that seems confrontational it's just that I'm getting a little tired of people insinuating something that I know is impossible as if I'm a fool who wouldn't be able to figure that out on my own OP I really appreciate you circling back with this update I'm not surprised to hear you're gonna wait and see with Sarah I suspect the relationship will fade in the coming months the true Sarah has to come alive and break free of the conditioning developed as a coping strategy dealing with her overpowering sibling she may be a very different person who is nowhere compatible with you and as you stated how will you cope with a suddenly opinionated partner who is protective of boundaries which means you likely need those therapy sessions to learn how to be an active partner with someone most everyone else who is not passive and agreeable learn why you found a placid partner so appealing is that absolutely the dynamic you need are you able to recognize when a more passive partner is placing your happiness above their own I think people have a bit of a strange idea of what this behavior is like because I've seen comments like this pop up from time to time it's not like Sarah always went along with every decision I wanted to make it's more like if she felt there was going to be a conflict her way of dealing with that conflict is to preemptively buckle and cave without anyone knowing ergo going along to get along I'm actually a pretty easy going guy myself I'm not particularly materialistic or caught up in appearances or into anything wild or inappropriate I don't think there would have been many opportunities for us to really butt heads in the first place but there are definitely instances like her discovering the questionable texts on the computer that come to mind as more appropriate examples of how she deals with her insecurities it's not healthy and that's what has me worried someone asked me if I knew what kind of pizza topping she likes as if she would go that far it's a misunderstanding of what the real situation or problem is it's not like she's a robot or doll it's that she avoids conflict in a completely unhealthy way I'm a 43 year old guy married 19 years now I wanted to send you a message of encouragement I've been reading your saga no matter where you wind up in the end I think you're handling this like a champ professional help and advice for you and Sarah is a great idea regardless of where you wind up either as a couple or not you will emerge better from this I'm 100% sure if you do wind up together in the end I seriously envy the strength I think you guys will have in your relationship after this I do not envy trying to figure out how you and Sarah will manage going forward in relation to her sister Hank and nieces which would be cousins to your children but based on what I see you're as well equipped as anyone could be good on you bud I'm not going to lie Evelyn and her troubles are a huge demerit as far as I'm concerned in the whole potential future however that's mostly up to Sarah and so far it seems like she's doing the right thing and largely distancing herself from her sister which frankly is just as much if not more for her own sake rather than ours to be blunt the people calling OP a complete hypocrite are just not very bright even before this update there is a massive difference between deliberately lying to cover an affair and mocking the victim behind his back over an extended period and discovering very recently that a sibling has been cheating by texting through only fans I do consider it cheating even if his spouse didn't I can't for a minute understand how people would ever equate new knowledge with active covering and mocking the victim not funny but this made me laugh out loud when you said Hank was absolutely divorcing Evelyn because she's begging him to reconsider seriously she doesn't give a crap about Hank you don't carry out an extended affair and literally and actively mock your partner behind their back when you love them she's upset that she's having personal and reputational consequences I kind of wonder if Evelyn actually loves anyone but Evelyn she always seemed a bit self-absorbed to me but now that I know a bit more of what she is like both personally as well as from Sarah telling me about their childhood this woman is a walking red flag communist parade if you think of the typical bully mean girl from high school amped up to 11 and aged up almost 20 years you'd be pretty much on the money as someone married to this chameleon type people pleaser it is a good thing you found out before the wedding as much as it sucks I really wish I knew before because I would have called it off but I wouldn't have my amazing kids though I regret not divorcing him after he decided to parent please by spewing vitriol about me somehow eight years later the marriage is mostly afloat there are trust reliability and integrity issues there is bitterness and resentment for what was stolen because of his behavior I had a newborn and a toddler at the time things are more roommate versus marriage now it is frustrating but I facilitate a decent enough life my spouse has mental health issues that weren't properly addressed and he wasn't medicated for we finally found him an amazing psychiatrist and it is making a world of difference finding the best suited mental health professional can make a world of difference I am glad you are getting therapy Sarah too it really is worth the money to not marry than having to pay the price of a bitter divorce that divorce price isn't just financial but saves time your self peace and emotional health we didn't divorce but it changed both of us in ways we don't like wish you the best thanks for the update I hope things get better for all of you except Evelyn this is the last update as of October 2023 posted in another subreddit I honestly hope everyone can follow this because sometimes I can't for the ones who don't know my story I have a friend Hank who is currently engaged in a bitter divorce from his wife she was caught cheating over a month ago and I was one of the people who helped expose her so there is a bit of history here they also have a young child who is living with him and being taken care of by his parents when he's at work now here is where people are going to have to start keeping score I'll tell it in a way for new people to understand the soon to be ex-wife in this situation is actually the sister of my former fiance Sarah we are currently in a it's complicated kind of relationship two days ago she comes to me and says that she heard her sister and parents conspiring to falsely accuse him of something that would allow for an emergency custody hearing she wants my help in turning the tables on her mad sister and yes there is some bitterness here like I said it's complicated now even though she is my former fiance I think Sarah is a good person and is interested in helping but I also wonder if she's trying to rope me into this situation to prove to me that she hates her sister you see the sister was an accessory to one of the main reasons why Sarah is my former fiance my gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Hank and his attorney about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation however she's urging me to help entrap her sister in some way so that she can turn evidence over to Hank so he can play the highly coveted Uno reverse card during the divorce her most convincing argument is that this opportunity will probably not come again I agree with that but assuming for the moment that I actually could help in some way would I be the A hole for not doing so particularly since my motivation is basically just being leery of Sarah's motivation after all she could theoretically just testify on Hank's behalf if it came to that just tell Hank what Sarah told you plotting to entrap his wife behind your friends back is not a wise decision particularly when a child is involved the divorce sounds complicated enough without the two of you planning something which sounds like the motivation for Sarah is revenge my verdict is that you are not the A hole I hear you on this but the problem I'm facing is that me just telling on them isn't really good enough it's essentially hearsay I need Sarah to go and front the claims to the lawyer and sign an affidavit but she's reluctant to do that since it will then be obvious to her parents that she is the one who did them in hence why she is asking me to help her collect evidence to pass along to Hank in a more anonymous way I honestly feel like we've been going around and around on this for the last day or so but to put it bluntly she's struggling with dealing with the aftermath that will erupt by being willing to testify especially since she is currently living with her parents I do get where she is at she wants to do the right thing the needle in regards to her own situation the one good thing about the situation is that it won't be too late for her to testify on behalf of her brother in law Hank so if she waffles a bit hopefully she will do the right thing in the end that brings us to the end of this insane story it's one of the most crazy ones I covered on this channel so far Evelyn seems to be ground zero for an epic fart storm that smeared literally everyone close to her yet the healthiest relationship mentioned seems to be the one between only fans Bimbo Wife Mandy and her husband anyway did the twist in the final part test your moral boundaries or change your view of Sarah where do you stand and what would you advise OP I'll be joining the comment section don't forget to smack the like button into oblivion and if you really loved the episode consider a super like to support the channel see you in the next one