We don't know if she's gonna pop in there It's no welcome to episode number five of the mighty Michael fully actual podcast. Okay. This is number five. We are one eighth through the season Jesus happens quickly bro.  That's what it's probably the same It's the same. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I said that this morning. Yeah. Yeah, so it's the same So that just shows how slow time goes bro. That is so honest of you Matt's Just come home from work Again, he's just he's finished. He's trialling out as an Elvis impersonator didn't have time to change But yeah, he's done that and he's I guess Michael's just finished at his cricket training prostitution What at cricket training nothing about prostitutes Matt has sex with prostitutes. No, no.  He doesn't like talking about it. Let's pretend that we didn't say I wonder what one of Matt's prostitutes hairs probably kind of cuddle the prostitutes Oh, come on, man. I'm scared. It's a joke. Yeah. No, I'm scared Just say it's a joke. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like it.  I promise you look I will say it too. Look.  They weren't even living they weren't prostitutes So it's all right. We're all in the world is a happy safe space. All right And yeah, don't worry.   Yeah, pretty relaxing.  Does that work? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. It does Matt.  Yeah, we look we tested to see since you're in Relieves that pain does maybe you're in relieve other pain in in other areas, bro Because if it does the pharmaceutical company has got a big problem And it's called Marty and Michael baby We might have just come up with the best painkiller known a mankind and you don't know It's that's what we filmed last week.   No, no, look, I'm not gonna reveal There was some animal bites. I want to show browns a body piercing. I'm gonna show you something. All right. Let's see Peach is that a peaches show? Yeah It's proven that No, it's 50 50 you have to see there's some things that we does stop and there's other things that we does not stop We you saying or weed We we like you're in yeah, yeah, like hello. Hello Hello, hello, it's a brown golfers out. Yeah, a brown golf be out Oh, it's been out for a while actually because we're two weeks ahead. I keep forgetting also Something cool happened. We did a video on Instagram. It's again.  Look, do you know, Jeffrey? She doesn't know yet. Jeffrey Dahmer. Jeffrey Dahmer commented on very close same same words Yeah, yeah, actually let me guess Is it Johnny Knoxville?  I wish you said Wendell sailor Johnny Knoxville commented on our video and was like, like, what'd he say again bravo said rise up rise up everyone rise up Stand against your government rise up people and stand together.  He's full political now other than that.  We've been boxing. Look, I've been I'm I'm trimming down I'm exercise 11 times on a 10 times last week.   I ate at three meals out of out of 21 last week And usually be honest but and no a healthy meal. Thank you Usually it would be probably half of those would be eating out Computer and me How's your training going Michael?  You realize now that you are a long way behind. Oh, yeah I know like it's bad and you're really much lighter than you should be right now. Yeah, well, I'm probably about 81 So like I'm like and and to be honest when I said, let's do this like at the end of last year. It was this was still like 25 weeks away. That's why I suggested that we do it.  That's about it Yeah, so as we got the biggest gloves that you can possibly have now 14 hours not 16.   Yes So there must be must be doing lots of cardio Also What's the like lowest boxing ounce gloves that you can have is 14 the love 12 12 is a lot so we were in the middle I think enough 10 hours. What are you actually gloves to compare answers? I'm pretty sure. Oh, man Look, you've just I was confident now.  I think you Yes, I really really I think both of you are fit enough to push to push forward Look, we control the fire. I think that I think you'd beat them. I don't say that. That's what am I wrong? I look, I think that that I'm like I'm gonna rely on the fact that we are that we are we are naturally Athletically gifted that I'm gonna say it like we are good at sport.   All right. Yeah, they are they train at nitro We should funny boys. I do I really like them. You should pass. I reckon try and try the big Okay, if you bring one on here, I'll kiss one really Sorry, I do but they are good. They are funny boys.  Yeah, you've got some some gout issues Don't you and I think these people can help you.  Look at me.   Yeah, so annoying I think how do we know how do we just buy a new one and liver regenerates to hot done hot? Don't be dinner out there.  You don't care about kids that way You got two knees your two knees as well Why don't I have two hearts?       Can you tell? Which is not disgusting It's just interesting. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.  We got a lying segment. We got Matt's dream diary We got another great debate bam boozled makes return.    I noticed you actually mention your grandmother. Oh I had a dream. Yeah, I know I read it today So I was at a house that was your house But it it wasn't like it was different. It was different. I knew it was different But it was the way you guys film I may have been cooking lasagna, but anyway three guys knocked on the door and came in and I knew them as some sort of social social media sort of personality you guys sort of racist and They were all like, oh, hey, we're all excited and they came in what color what what what ethnicity were they? I don't know. I can't know that Tell me tell me well, there was no women. There was no women With tits at least it's gonna take too long. Okay, just let me tell you let it be let him inside and and we're all laughing at the time and One one king hit me was there sex. I had a king hit dream and I premonition and I was laying unconscious and they were striking me and I could hear you guys Defending me, but I knew I couldn't move.   Wait, so not one woman and not one other person of a different skin color if I had I don't know Matt It's kind of pretty obvious what's happening here. I mean I'll bring a skin color.  There's no females and I'm pretty sure what this oh, man Anyway, very very sexist dream, but anyway, let's move along to the sponsors. All right You can be better You can lift yourself up beyond what you have and You can be a better version of you the hair on your body is Literally holding you back if you walk It creates something called drag Okay, and that actually slows you down and that's not my opinion.    I'll be suicidal.      It's mostly for women. I'll put my hand up.  Thank you.  Okay.     Okay get AG1 and try it I'm not saying it's cheap I'm not sitting here selling you a dream saying saying that's really cheap. Okay.  Let's just say you're on it for 10 months, right? That's cost you $1,150, right? You don't go on it, right?  You got to go to the doctor.  AG1 the link is in that description. Look, I'm on right now I'm someone that does AG1. It's actually AG. This is someone that doesn't do AG1 We have two different examples here. We've gone and done scientific tests for you AG1 Someone who does it someone who doesn't do it. Okay.     Here I go, baby.  Really. I can't really so wait Is it cuz Marty's enough? Let us know You do all the jingles and it's not really about you You want to hover by 50% because the 50% of it is Marty. I wish I was I should have changed Mercedes Ben That's what I'm upset.  Please like we haven't gone up on Spotify And now we've got video on Spotify. So come man, please baby Man, please every if we can get that to 3k, let's give him a bargain here. I will Yes, I like this. Yeah, like when he does stuff if we can get it to 3k Set yourself on fire. I can do something like um never like my ideas I will I will let Matthew Brown snot jet on my face We probably won't be able to do that on camera, but we can blur it and do it So that will happen that will be okay.  How many five stars probably this will be ridiculous. Yeah be something ridiculous. How short how short? Like like my short.    I'm tempted to start to go find me and see if we can get oh like I'll contribute 10 grand Matt will contribute six and then we only need four more from you guys and then boom bang done We need to look back at that because I swear there was conditions. I'm not shaving someone please Let us know in the comments. Can somebody review our own? Yeah, can let us on that some comments what we said and what Michael says so we move forwards with everything that we've done What's our lie this week? Let's just go something. Let's go fresh. Let's have some fresh lie. You know, what about a meal? Oh Yeah, he works. Huh? He works. Oh, dude a meals great. He will answer He's no he won't of the amount of times I've run him. Can we try just don't That's very protective of It's so cute I like that. Hello. Oh, yeah meal is it's a studio number. Yes. Oh, okay. It's Marty Yeah, you know, what's up? Hey, man.    I think we were looking at Sort of early April would you be keen? I Am I just have to double check which weekend I'm away Okay, maybe the first weekend of a lot of people a day and I'd be keen. Yeah. Okay, sweet. Yeah Um, I might be back then. I don't know. I'm gonna waste some point in April. Yeah All right, well, let's keep like so we don't have a locked in day, but let's just say the 13th 14th, and yeah, I'll chuck in a group chat and then yeah, everyone's going dressed as different animals as a theme to it so So yeah, just dress up as a as a fucking. I don't know a rhino or something That'd be good. I know what I'll be. What are you gonna be? Can you tell me please? No, it's a problem You know what else is a surprise?  I mean you are on the podcast. Oh my god I believe you believe that we aren't planning a trip away a meal. We're not doing anything from now until our boxing event We're gonna be sitting at home doing nothing and Matt told us to call you I said not to ring you You'd be at work and you'd devastate him. I Am I told you you'd be devastated. Sorry a meal. We're sorry. I'm sorry But look, that's a good idea and we can do it one day. Yeah, we will that will probably happen one day Just not in April and now I Told you he'd be so innocent We're sorry if we heard him getting fired I Don't even know if Emil knows the lying segment of the podcast, you know the lying segment They call and just give you the simplest like we're gonna do this and they're like now imagine how fun that sounded There might have even been there was possibly strippers coming I heard Dude, and that's not real. That is God. That is definitely not you will be at home that weekend probably Watching dog races Sorry, anyway, sorry about that Emil. I'm sorry to waste your time. We'll let you get back to work. All right All right, I might not listen to this episode I can see it UFC 300 Too shy he got us back there. I told you not to ring him. No, that was fine. He's not really heard about it No, he's a busy man And that's why answered We had our fun.  Mr. Brown. Oh, yes. No, you remember he said you dreamed of your grandma The other day so you must be on a like a week of dreaming about her because I've read through this and you are dreaming about your grandma again Did you know that some people say dreams are really just realities when you're asleep in other dimensions It's a reality in another dimension and that your cross you've made it over there Right because the DMT has been released in your brain while you're in REM sleep, right?  It's not a dream. It's a real thing. So you whatever happens in this actually happens Bill Gates wrote that bro read it. Mm-hmm. Here we go Yet another dream yet more confusion I'm still having trouble making sense of these dreams with something from deep within my mind is causing them Last night's dream started quite pleasant. It was nighttime and the house. I was in was completely silent I was small and fast. I would dart from hiding spot to hiding spot From under a cupboard to under a fridge I'm under the fridge to under the couch. My speed made me feel invincible My hunger was starting to get the better of me and I started sniffing the air I Caught a few weeks since here and there and followed them. I found a pee under the oven and helped myself Nibbled and nibbled and the pee was gone in no time. I Sat silently momentarily Straining my ears for any sound of potential threats nothing but more deafening silence I sniffed the air again and followed my nose. Oh This time I caught the scent of something substantial. It stopped me in my tracks and I sniffed harder Could it be it's not like Cheese My body coursed with excitement. I sprinted on my tiny four legs all the way to the source of the smell It led me into a bedroom where two humans were dead asleep I made sure to move completely silently not to wake them and found my treasure It was a large square piece of cheese just sitting under the nightstand I couldn't believe my luck to make things even more ridiculous It looked as though the cheese was literally served on a silver platter It seemed to be raised slightly and angled toward up upwards towards me My hungry mind was far too focused on eating to concern myself with a suspicious amount of luck that it just come my way I stepped forward and sunk my front teeth deep into the soft salty cheese It pulled away effortlessly and I savoured it as it slid down my throat a bit into the cheese again with more forces time Then as I want to pull the cheese off of this silver platter I heard a click and within the blink of an eye a large steel rod came swinging down at me I'd no time react and snap I felt the steel rod sever my spine in half and felt multiple organs pop and split in my body My body was totally destroyed in the blink of an eye. The pain was immense and and immediate I let out a series of high-pitched squeaks My upper body was now angled up and I could no longer feel my lower body I didn't have even have time to process what was happening when I saw the sleeping human wake abruptly from the sound of the steel rod Plowing through my flimsy body the human turned the nightlight on and looked at me.  It was my sweet old grandmother She put her glasses on and squinted at at me as her eyes adjusted to the light.  Am I set him free outside? My grandmother began to pull the blanket off of herself and get up and help me I felt some relief surely my loving grandmother will help me just as my grandmother sat up in her bed a strange man sat up next to her He was a bald incredibly muscular man He looked like a full-blown bodybuilder and I could see his bulging veins in his huge arms Don't worry about it.  I've got something better We can do now. We're awake this huge muscular man placed his hand on my grandmother's shoulder and pulled her back into bed Sweety I can never say no to you my grandmother lent back and started kissing this man mountain Gently at first but it quickly became passionate. I couldn't believe it I was in pure agony and the way the upper half of my body was snapped I couldn't even look away if I wanted to I squeaked desperately trying to snap my old fragile grandmother out of her lustful mood But nothing worked before along this huge muscular man had removed my grandmother's dressing gown and positioned himself behind her Then I watched and listened as his enormous man went to town on my grandmother He had no regard for her age and went at her like a jackhammer and as if she was in her 20s The muscular man looked at me occasionally threw out and tensed his biceps at me I squeaked and twisted but was completely pinned down by this steel rod My grandmother and this man went at it for hours until eventually my injuries got the better of me my tiny brain swelled with blood and the last thing I remember is having a seizure as this man screamed in ecstasy as he finished With my grandmother and she died When I woke up drenched in sweat and anxiety Why was I a mouse in my dream? Why did I dream of my grandmother with another huge muscular man? I had no idea but one thing was for certain that it was a wet dream What's going on with it? It's weird that you've had like multiple dreams about her There must be something subconsciously guys leave in the comments And if you have any theories about what's going on here like these dreams are getting really confusing Just let us know if you have any kind of knowledge about how to interpret a dream because that's two dreams in a week About your sweet sweet grandmother who's sadly past And we don't want to think of her in that light. I just miss her.  Yeah. Wow. That's most people only get to I get three. Do you like them? Wait? I've got four If you've got one I've got three Do you like one die? They're beautiful Which one which one do you like the most?  So I didn't know Of a grandma I had like I have a vague like clips of memories from them.  But they are but my my mom's mom She was like the only she was pretty much the proper one. I wish she good. Did she give you presents? She was the best Okay, yeah, I can see that blow jobs. Sorry blow jobs Let's move on. It's actually called head. Let's move on. All right, that's a cool place. Yeah All right guys, it's time for the segment that divides the nation.  It's time For the great debate hit it Brown hit her like you want to It's time for the great debate Now before we begin I must remind you okay, these are not our actual opinions This is not real these two boys Matt and Michael are just trying to win a debate Okay, get that through your head, but if you're if you're easily offended skip this segment Okay, skip it because you're not gonna like it if you're easily offended although if you're listening to us Surely you're not easily offended. This is not real. It's two people grown man having a debate. Okay, it's like it We're at school again, and you're testing how good you are at debating. That's exactly right Michael. So that's that All right Man, this is heavy. This is always this always gets really intense. Yeah, okay.  All right today is my brain today's topic is Please don't be something You should be allowed to hit your kids.   All right. Let's go. That's right We change it to a minute and a half. All right, so you get a minute and a half. All right Ready and go your time starts now Scenario you could be in the movies. You could be on the bus.  Well, I've just got discipline time. I've been in the eye. Okay, huh? Not too bad. So I'm not world number nine at worms.  I got passionate.  Yes three two one begin just like to point out that in your If you call it a speech you didn't once suggest why they shouldn't be hit You just said if they're loud in public places, they should be hit.  So you're saying that a child who's hit once will continue absolutely I've just googled what about whatever child gets hit and then just never repeats that behavior I've just googled Marty that 60% of all domestic violence cases were people who are hit when they were young Well, that's cheating. I don't have any access to internet. Well, you should have got some And also the amount of kids with brain damage after being hit as a kid hard. Hey, it's incredible So up to 70% of kids who were hit more than 50% of the time literally had more brain damage than kids that did So how do you under the net? So how do you suggest we counter all this youth crime? Yeah, wait, wait, it's not youth crime Marty, but I like where your head's at So hey, I think we need to counter by using more of our words Okay, and not giving into our kids. No, I want to talk about my god. Okay. I want to talk about All right, okay.  I get fucking. Okay. So we get 90 seconds now. Yeah Let's see if you can come up with something better than supermarket tragedies. Now you get one minute and he gets one minute Okay, and go Okay, I must have made myself clear. I was too passionate because I can't believe the world we live in today Anyway, Marty, mr.  Yeah, look, I must admit the behavior of children in my opinion has gotten much worse since we've coddled the more More coddling worse behavior Case in point. Thank you and time All right, that's a pretty good point. Look, it's but it's hit my time so I can rebuttal please Three two one go once again. You've not even even talked about anything of the question You just said the world's a worse place. That's all you've said. Anyway, um our kids Our kids even if you're hitting them hard or soft Are traumatized by the amount of violence you're bringing into their lives Okay, and clearly this creates a world of PTSD and they never break out of it now You could say that because you hit them you're making them a better adult, but no you're making them worse You're turning them into violent creatures and they will grow up to rob and steal and hurt But don't you think that we were exposed to that kind of way growing up and are we violent monsters? Is the world we know we were we were exposed to but we were exposed to at a place of love And we've created monsters. That's what I'm saying. Well, there's two.  Thank you for speaking point off. Take a point. You do it all the time That's enough. So our parents hit us from love time Oh So that's okay.  Okay, both of you. We are improving I Feel like I am Bias in this I have my own personal opinion on this.  They didn't hear it. So but it's okay You guys decide Okay, we're gonna as fully actual you remember this now take too long We'll find out in two weeks and I just just pick one. All right. It doesn't matter who wins anyway. Pick your opinion No, if you want. No, but yeah, how can they let us know look comment who you think Kids should be hit or not here. Yeah, Michael or matt.  I absolutely agree.  Look at us all getting real and vulnerable.  Well, I had past trauma hit me hard there. So I need some belt slaps I need some backhands and some kicks. Hey, I'm actually against it now.  Oh well. Here we go Bong break the break have a bong have a bong have a break Here I go, baby This is the real shit All right, all right guys. We're back We are as you can see we are now blindfolded and james is going to show you guys what the two items are So two of the items are yummy and normal and one of the items is Fucked and gross and who knows how god awful it's going to be And so one of us three is going to have to drink it and keep a straight face.    Oh, please I'm so confused.   Yeah. Well, it's what it's human food And the the third less lucky person will have a Large spoonful of gelatinous dog food Oh my god Yeah, you can I looked it up. You'll be fine.  Oh my god Okay, so James is showing you the normal food right now so I don't know I'm scared I'm scared And now he will be showing you the fucked other thing that one of us will be eating with a straight face Please, please. I just hope it's not too much of a spoonful because it's going to be really hard Oh, dude, either way.  I'm fucked either way Okay, um, I am choosing Oh Uh, far right Okay I'm choosing the middle Okay, should we count down? Yeah, three two one do it and blindfolds off blindfolds off He hates both those outside to tell because he would be doing the same face Well, it could be me though still Spoons down spoons down or like hide them at least. Yes.  Okay Let's all point at each other who we think got bamboozled three two one Did you get the dog food?  I was like, maybe you did get it Yeah, you would have done the same face with tuna.  Show me in your mouth. I want to touch it. Can I touch in your mouth? Go away Tuna I liked that. It was yummy.  Thank you very much for organizing that change Yeah, what was the punishment again? What about the can of tuna? Yeah, what about if you have to have a mouthful of tuna now? All right, look, I guess that's fair, but I will be pissed. Oh Mmm, high in mercury tuna. Really? Yeah, really high in mercury and sitting in cans for many many years I stopped eating the tuna before they got naked to a shelf I moved to the sun. You can have canned food in a can for years So this is this fish is probably from the 90s if um if it's the one that was in there That's my old can of tuna.  It's been there for like a year Yeah, it's quite hard and firm this tuna very fishy, but enjoy it So you have a collar Yeah, it's very fishy It's all moist. It's fish flesh. It looks like beef. It's fish flesh. It's actually beef. Fish flesh It's fish flesh ripped from its bones. Mm-hmm. Yummy. Yummy.  It's so dry.  All right.  Stop saying them. Yeah, it's hard though I I seriously like I think not to and then I just it just pops out all the time But what about this run?  Oh, kark was like Isn't kark like that? Yeah, that's kark. This is kark. C-a-r-k Oh, that tuna was kark. K-u-c-k Oh, we'll see you. I liked your idea of runt. You runt.  All right It's time everyone where you guys call us in. It's the voice mouth segment. Play the music brown Play it like you do the mine as you groom And this is just where you guys call our phone that we have and the number is 0466602 303 and if you want to leave us a funny voicemail a story or a confession Maybe we thought of today if you need love advice. Yeah, if actually leave a confession in the voicemails And you will have or even a message explaining what you want to confess And we will call you live and there will be a guy called father clint that will come in and he Will host your confessions and give you advice, but yeah, we're gonna get a priest. We're contacting a priest an actual I appreciate any any he's only He only did the bad stuff in his early career. He stopped he cut it out He doesn't do that bad. She doesn't do it anymore. Okay.  It could be sounds It could be your own plays your own plays that you've made up You could be characters and being like should we give them an example of a sound that we would be happy to receive from you guys Oh Try it brown Just a sound this is brown sound just a sound.  Okay Now one thing I'll tell you that annoys me is if it's probably over three minutes Keep it short and sweet get into it. Yeah, probably two minutes max would be hot one minute's perfect But yeah impress us in a minute and then if it's worth it tell the story if it's I'm talking like Uncle was He was rude. Yeah, he clipped your ear when you tried to make it out like his wife was cheating He was a kid and now you're violent towards your kids If that's like that don't do that. So here we are. This is what I got this week. So it's anything No, it's all for oh, yeah, so it's all about you Do you remember Kelsey I was just saying I think I know who that is she is one of a kind Kelsey we love you Yeah, she was at the live She's very we got to party with her after the live show and she is one loose ring We love her. It's so funny that that's like an accurate representation of like what our podcast is Yeah, just that's like if someone says oh look, what's the podcast about like someone would just do that and then And then that's what we're about bro. So that that got me going every week because we love Kelsey so much Oh, yeah, Matt was saying that he finds her attractive enough to breed with me didn't want me to say anything But I just did So Kelsey Matt's gonna crush me maybe Okay, this one If I am to be then who is to see me be a bee Once I am a bee is it truly me who has become the bee for you to see for me Or is it truly you to be the one for me?  I saw Buddha for like half a second. He's flashed in my head actually fully teared up then Whoa, man. I'd like that I'd never ever thought of it like that and you can tell it's religious because it's amen at the end God man. I was like Every word he said I was like, oh my god, that makes so much sense Wow, thank you. Thank you for that submission Matt any comments?   We won't share it anyway I just want to see it.    There'll be chanting your names from the streets Frank and your foreskin will be longer than your legs, man Michael's cookies clearly That's just very funny Here we go. Next one.   We had to stop The ambulance came picks me up.  Oh my god.  Shit, baby Shit, we got a figure now.  Love his work. Please keep it up. Bye.  Oh my god. What happened?  That is a great story. There you go. This I knew like the sexies Yeah, yeah. Now here we go ready. All right. I have one more or two more maybe. Okay. Here we go Yeah, good. Hey boys. Name's Mark. Long time. Listener. Watch out. She's running school in gate. Uh, go good Men are storing for you. Um, I'm in the lighting hearing. Um on account. Oh, I work with me machinery So if I go to town really good, that's why but I'm the other day I was with me mate. Um, and we were going down to uh, I don't know if you know where this is But we were going down to, uh, manfield prom I'm going down manfield prom And um, I'm gonna have my voice make people think I'm a bit retarded, but it's actually just a nice impairment and anyway, I always is in there and um and I had I'm in there and um I'm in there and I'm in there and um I'm having this stroke. I'm having this. I'm having it boys.  I'm having it.  He's putting it on and then after I was like, oh my god I know it takes you on a rollercoaster that one. Yeah mark. Very good, dude. That was some impressive Shit, that was good talent. Our rings and marks survive I don't know our rings.  It's a possibility Now look shout out to ryan at golf. I saw you at uh pine rivers golf club.   We discipline each other for you. What's our member is is our boss Every single website member is our boss in a way So there and yeah, so thank you. It's pine rivers where we played brown golf. You've never played there brown Now I forget it, man Okay Does this person know you're calling her? Hello Hello, this is uh, michael and marty from What's up, baby? What's up, baby?  No No, you have to make no not unless you make a dolphin sound, okay There's an example Okay, hold on give me a sec. I don't know how to do that. Just try just look Emily. I'm about to hang up I'm not even you gotta try your boyfriend and five seconds of it Again if you don't do this Okay, ready? Yeah, okay Hold on not too long Emily Again, she lost it again. She's probably sitting there doing it right now. She's probably sitting there doing it right now Emily is too late too slow. You must be quick.  She should have been a dolphin for five seconds and her boyfriend would be so Happy right now.  She's like, it's oh money Michael courtier Then he has she has to explain that she was too late and doing dolphin sounds he walks in and she's gone Is she all there now?  I don't want to ever see that again.  She's a dolphin. You're gonna get a bit teary that she's a dolphin man. That's sad Emily's a dolphin. That is so sad.  We give dolphins a second chance Look, we have to move on. Okay. We can do this next week. We must remain firm in our values and stand strong for what you believe in We hate dolphins All right, everyone.  Oh my god. Okay. All right. So last week we said matt guest that we're gonna message wendell sailor We did he's active right now. That's why i'm like. Oh my god. So let's say something But yeah, he's a big deal to us wendell sailor. He's like he's like an x really super famous football player, right? And we said to him big del adam mcdougal who is another x football player Just told us a funny story about you wanted to know if it was true or not And then he replied and said yeah dogs love him with a question mark and now he's active online right now So what should we say to him ha ha? He said um You did two backflips at the story bridge ask him if he's watched a certain movie that's has he seen love actually That's a good film Ha ha he reckons you've started growing marijuana That's very good. How do you think like that? Okay, I've sent it. Okay. I'm gonna screenshot this Now also Let's tell them about we stepped it up also this week with we messaged Guess who? Clint Eastwood.  No. Oh my god. Is it Dave england? Wow, he's very you are a psychic and Guess what's something even cooler about Dave england? He actually isn't from england No, if we're talking like influencer talk right now. He follows us.  This is the conversation. He's kind of cringe and i'm a little embarrassed. Oh, no You're gonna fanboy, didn't you? No, no.   Yeah, and his response to that is way to go mate Is that good you reckon That's pretty good. I don't know man. I reckon that's like if he thought it was if he thought it was funny Like he probably thinks we're just too junkies who like Oh, you know how someone's like, oh, you're mad. Oh look at this video already He hasn't hearted the video and then they set their grandma on fire or something. No, he did heart it Oh, if he hired it, that's okay, but it'd be nice if we got a laughing emoji. Yeah 100 percent. Yeah That's a shame didn't really All right. So anyway, so that's the conversations that we and we're also all those maths people replied by the way I don't have we've read them though, right go. There's who are they go Do you want to hear a message from a rad maths dude? Which one? Are they really are there really any rad maths? Jesse's a legend. Oh, they're all they've all been super nice. Oh, they're all yeah We've been very Adam Taylor Jesse Burford We got a lovely voice recording from him. All right, let's play it Thanks for the message lads really appreciate it. I've been following You and your comedy for years um, and it's amazing how Stepping into the spotlight via maths has you know Put me in somewhat of a connection with Yeah, more prominent figures like such as yourselves I'm going to tell some of my mates that you sent me messages.  So yeah, you're putting smiles on many people's faces lads Myself and my mates included.   We're sick.  Jesse.  Well, yeah, Jesse that is All of the maths people have been pretty good even the one we said we were on acid too. Who was that again? I can't remember that one that was Dean Oh, yeah, yeah dean. Yeah, we was like, oh, sorry man. We're on acid. Let me just seen it in a reply Anyway, all right, so who shall we step it up to this week? Whoa? Whoa? Whoa? Now I reckon Let's think big.  Yeah, yeah, we don't want to do this both We're not butterflies yet. Okay. I reckon let's go Princess Diana. She's dead. Oh, yeah, she's dead. She's too. She would have been perfect otherwise. I'm gonna say Um, what about okay queen? Oh, the queen would have been perfect too. She's too old. She's dead too. Yeah. Um, oh, stevo.  Is he one of his cars at least you're kidding me? No, they blew him up. Okay Okay. All right, um All right, well, have you heard a silver chair? Dead That's a pretty big deal. What about we're doing John's right Australian bands. So let's go silver chair powder finger And they're so inactive on social media.  Come on. Um, let's go with can you can we please have some suggestions from you guys? Can you guys please leave in the comments or call us on 046 6602 303 and give us some suggestions on who you think We should dm for this segment. It's hard to think a celebrity. Nicole Pratt Who's that again? Who's that? What's the one that was with paris hilton in that show? The simple life and that's not Nicole Pratt. Nicole Richie Richie is that it? Nicole Richie.  It is it is 7.3 million followers. She's Should we try it? Yeah. Yeah, give it a go. She's right flick one out there Flick one out there and you guys help us. Okay. All right. So we're gonna send a message to Nicole Richie What should we say to her?  No, no too much too much Just want to give you a shout out. I'm gonna call it nick. Hey nick Yeah, okay confidence. Yeah. Hey nick.   So we continue to rise up through the celebrity ranks Let's see where we finish up here. We could aim. Um, we could we could finish quite high.  Hey Your time is there for us to wait It's time for Hello, my name Arnold fine. Um, I come to your store Last week. I buy a few things for me build fence. I buy a wood. I buy a tool. I I take a shuffle, you know a shuffle Yes, I I take a shuffle and I take home. I look a receipt and I see I Put shuffle in car And I not pay for shuffle Okay, okay. So I I I not pay. So I think okay. I go back Next week I bring a shuffle back. I I pay for But I use a shuffle on Sandif to put for my pick farm to pick flick around And the shovel it a snap in half the shovel break. Okay so Now I accidental take shuffle, but shuffle now broken So I do not know what you I put shuffle it you sell me Cheaper cheaper shuffle it break. I barely put food on it at a sheet product. So I do not know you I can bring back, but I not pay for sheet Are you pulling my leg? What do you mean pull leg? I I don't understand Pull the leg I You understand what I say. Are you joking? Are you joking? Joke about what sweetheart? I I'm not joking around. Okay. I have a shuffle I want to bring shuffle back, but the shovel break in half.  Hello. Who I speak to, huh? Okay, the last stuff member I speak to she uh, tell me. Okay. You listen. Okay.  Okay.  Okay. So you listen to me Sorry, so what do you need help with? Okay. So I Okay, you listen. Okay. I come in on Sunday. I'll be very honest. Okay. I do not lie My name Arnold fine. Okay pick farmer and up near darker bun. Okay. I do not lie I come in on Sunday. I buy things for help me build a fence. Okay. I buy some wood I buy a tool. I put in my car. I drive home. Okay. I see receipt I have a shuffle. I have not paid for the shuffle. Okay. I accidentally have taken the shuffle I think it's okay. I come in next week. I come in with a pick and I give the shovel back and I pay for a shuffle But I use the shovel on Sunday. Okay. I dig a hole for a pick And the shovel a break in half The shovel was a sheet. Okay, and it break in half and now I say I What can bring shovel back? But the shovel you gave me is a sheet So do you you don't have the receipt for the shovel? I have receipts, but shuffle not on receipts Because I I did not pay for shuffle. I I put on you and I think oh, okay I should pay for everything and I drive away, but I look on receipt. I did not pay for shuffle Okay, but that accident. Okay. I am not fine. It's not a thief. I do not steal So when you were driving away, did you look at the receipt and realize you didn't pay for the shuffle? No, I come home first. Okay. I unpack car. I pet pick I feed pick I make sure wife happy. She's sick right now.  I start working.  Yeah, so we even okay, so we even realize yet They haven't paid for something Then you should come back to the store. Okay. It's a long drive for me. Okay. You need to okay.  I barely put any weight on it Okay, so we bought we bought evil sheet right now. Okay. We bought in the wrong Well, if you didn't pay for it, then what's the issue?  You need to know I give you feedback You should be saying a thank you.   He took a shovel. That's that's why that's why I'm calling That's why I call to make to make a sure. Okay that you know, I do. I'm not a thief. I don't want you say that I don't even know who you are. I don't have no idea Not going and that a staff who speak to me and that staff who speak to me first. I need a home address I need home address I've got work to do.  We have a deal. We have a deal. We have arrangement, huh? I'm not a thief and do you have a sheet of shovel? I don't. Are you done now? Because I've got work to do. Okay, I'll listen. I am done as long as you don't call police What? I am done as long as you don't call police.  I don't even know who you are. Okay. I just say I've got to call the police on a mystery person. Okay. Okay. Okay, even though I take a shovel and I stop let me talk. There's no point In you calling about a shovel because you didn't even pay for it. Okay. Okay. I just You're just wasting my time. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.   Oh, yeah He wanted your home address and you're gonna hear you laugh for a couple of times. Oh, yeah It's too funny, dude.  I couldn't handle it, dude when you said up near Dacabun All right guys Dacabun. That is the end of episode number five. Don't forget to like comment subscribe Leave a five star review on Spotify spread the word tell everyone about us We love you so much and we love you because you guys love us and we're one big community We're happy family nothing will ever tear us apart and we have laughter to bring us together for the rest of our lives And it also helps that we are the best with the best


It's great to be here today. To start, I'm just going to go through three quick stories about killing. The first is about Brian Chantosh. Some of you may know him. A Marine Lieutenant during the initial invasion of Iraq, he ordered his driver to charge an ambush that hit their convoy during a motor march towards Baghdad. He jumped into a trench lined with Iraqi soldiers and killed maybe two dozen of them. Firing his M16 until it jammed, then emptying first his pistol and then two AK-47s he grabbed off dead Iraqis. For his actions, he was awarded the Navy Cross. I met him in October 2004 outside Fallujah a month before he led India Company of the three-five Marines into the city, where he himself killed many more men. In his unit, backed by snipers, tanks, and air support, killed hundreds, perhaps thousands, he estimated. After many days of this, and here I'm reading from my story, he was taking more risks than a company commander should. Plunging headlong into firefights, pumped up, he says, by an overinflated sense of my self-worth and capabilities. It was, he admits, borderline reckless. I don't think I was at that point yet, but I was getting tired, battle-tired, not feeling a sense of danger. At a certain point, you just get so desensitized to it. Death, the killing. We talked at length about this, and I'm leaving a great deal out here, but generally he was good with what he'd done, proud of his service, proud of the men he fought with and for.  I later asked if he was serious. Yeah, I've done some terrible things, he said, whether justified, whether legal, whether for a greater good, whether whatever.  The second story is about Chantosh's battalion commander, Lieutenant Colonel Patrick Millay, likewise very involved in the fight for Fallujah. It was very close, very personal, very competitive, he said. Either you're going to win and walk away, or he's going to win and walk away.  Millay was 44 then. Fallujah was his first combat experience, but he'd lived, he'd studied war. After he got home, he had long talks with his father, who, quote, got a belly full at Okinawa. While a soldier barely old enough to vote might struggle to comprehend the emotional crosswinds and can swirl after taking a life, Millay described it with an appropriate mix of wisdom and profanity, respect and brutality. When I killed guys at close range, when it was over, there was a sense of euphoria. It wasn't, ha ha, I killed the guy, it was, I'm alive and he's dead. The next day is brighter. Food tastes better when you realize you might not be eating this at things gone differently.  This guy, he's dead, nobody knows.  Some had pictures of wives and girlfriends and kids. But when you can say, hey, he was a few feet away with an AK-47 blazing away and he'd already killed Corporal Mike Anderson, a 3-5 Marine who died in Fallujah. You're okay with it at least for now. Still, he said he hadn't slept restfully through the night since he came home a decade ago. A third story. Before I'd met Chantash and Millay, I met a younger Marine, Ben Nelson in Ramadi where I spent time with whiskey company of the 2-5 Marines and Nelson and the guys he rode with, Lance Thompson, Mark Ryan, and company commander Patrick Rapicoe in particular. Nelson was the gunner. A month later, their Humvee was ran by a suicide car bomber. Nelson was badly injured. Everyone else was killed. From that moment forward, Nelson agonized over the fact that he hadn't shot the bomber, that he hadn't protected his brothers. He replayed the incident in his head repeatedly while trying to rehab his injuries, while dealing with severe PTSD and TBI, while going through a laundry list of prescriptions, as well as trying to start a family. Only recently, thanks to his wife and a particular VA therapist near Sacramento, does it feel like he got something of a handle on it, though still far from 100% it brings him comfort. But now he knows there's something else he has to confront, something that's been on the back burner while he wrestled with his guilt and sadness over the loss of Ryan, Rapicoe, and Thompson. In the initial invasion, his unit ran into and killed some Iraqi soldiers while heading north. The other Marines turned toward fire coming from another direction. While Nelson was told to keep watch on an area where the corpses lay, then a boy, maybe seven years old, ran out and picked up the AK beside one of the dead Iraqis.  Instead, he aimed at us and I shot him and I killed him. This was within the rules of engagement. He'd done what he was trained to do, neutralizing to use the antiseptic word, a threat to his fellow Marines. But no drill sergeant had ever run through a scenario like this. No one else saw the shooting, and he wasn't about to ask anyone what they thought. I knew what I did was right, but I still don't want to talk about it, he said. People talking about shooting adult who's got an RPG, aimed at a Humvee, everyone can understand that.  He understood why there hadn't been much talk about the aftermath of fighting during training. You can't at the same time have them thinking about what's going to come. Later, he said, that could make them hesitate. That could cost them their life or someone else's life. That could cost the war. But that doesn't mean you can't help them out after. Have someone talk to them about what they're going to feel, the rage that's going to be inside. I was so angry at everything, and I didn't know why. I do now, but I didn't then. I'm telling these stories for the same reason I wanted to report about the before, during, and after of killing in combat. Because after reporting from Iraq and Afghanistan and several other conflict zones, after reading a great deal about America's recent wars, I came to feel that killing was left out of the conversation far too often. There are many reasons for this, and there are exceptions too, some authored by people in this room. But in general, in this country, this basic aspect of war and its consequences, both for those who carried out and the communities in the places where it happens, has been overlooked, ignored, wished away. Killing in combat is part of a larger experience, a larger mission of course, but when the specific piece of it is kept out of the conversation, we get an incomplete picture of these battles. And it's not only a missing chapter in the story of these wars, which leaves many to carry the killing they did on their own in isolation. I was told by spokesmen at the Pentagon, the Army, and the Marines that the number of men who kill enemy or others is not tracked, that there's no generalized study of killing in combat. If it's true, and I'm not totally convinced it is, but if it's true, it's surprising, because I think it would be a real area of focus for several reasons tied to the theme of this conference. The first is performance, the capabilities of drones and cyber systems of war at times obscure the fact that at the end of the day men and women are going to be delivering the final blows, the kill shots if you will, regardless of the technology employed, especially as unconventional wars become more conventional. From a purely utilitarian perspective, I think the military would want to know how effectively combat troops carried out this part of their jobs and how well their killing was planned and directed. The second is the impact the killing has on the troops that do it, and the resulting consequences for them, the military, and the country in terms of care, battle readiness, and other knock-on effects. Training has evolved to make sure combat troops are prepared to take life when they arrive on the battlefield to make it feel, in essence, as if they've done it before. But there's much less attention paid to what happens afterwards. This blends into the larger discussion of post-combat care and guidance. Beyond that, it relates to the nature of the contract between the military, the country, and the men and women who serve. Some people kill and war and carry on just fine. They categorize it and make sense of it of what they didn't saw. Some, like Chantosh, managed to hold seemingly opposing sentiments in mind at the same time and keep moving forward. But others struggle with it. And I've heard veterans, mental health professionals, military, and civilian alike, even members of the special operations community, say we have no idea how guys will deal with the killing they've done as the years passed. For some, it can get harder, not easier. They move away from the context in which the killing made sense. Back into the space where taking life is the ultimate moral transgression. And where most others have no parallel experiences. The people they killed start seeming more human than they were on the battlefield, like fathers, sons, brothers, sisters, rather than just enemy to use one of the more polite name given in times of war. Individuals beginning to confront their own mortality may start thinking about what they'll have to atone for when they're judged. And they have to weigh what they did and what they were asked to do against how the campaign turned out in the end. Something that's already happening with regards to Afghanistan and Iraq, along lines earlier noted by Lieutenant General McMaster. Third point I'd mention here is that killing is a way that America projects itself, and it's therefore integral to later military and diplomatic efforts to consolidate gains among other objectives. It influences how local communities see us and our allies too, particularly government and security forces trained or installed by the U.S., which are crucial to future stability or lack thereof. Killing is a language of a sort, one way the U.S. has been conversing, in a sense, with other cultures and communities. How and when and why troops killed or didn't kill. Incidents where troops saved lives or incidents where individuals uncontained by their leaders, community atrocities, all of it is absorbed and remembered. This goes for non-military too. And our allies and the killing they've done, that reflects on us as well. Ask any Afghan about Dostam and Syaf and see what the first thing they tell you is. It doesn't matter how long ago it was. They remember and it still matters. This goes the other way too, of course. ISIS is saying something with how and when they kill. What's happening in Central African Republic, DRC, Nigeria, Ukraine, Israel and the Palestinian territories. What's happened in Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Yemen and Mindanao. In some ways, in many ways, things are being said through killing. These are messages written in blood. The trick is that the three elements I mentioned and others involved don't naturally flow together. And as you know, the agencies and departments responsible for them don't either. Some considerations about the well-being of individual troops or diplomacy can also run counter to what a fighting force needs to do to carry the day. Ben Nelson wanted to shoot the driver of that car bomb, but he was told to hold his fire. His commander, Pat Rapicoe, who was responsible for seeing the big picture, was thinking about how killing civilians undermine efforts to win over communities. Nelson understands that. He still admires Rapicoe immensely and doesn't blame him at all. But there were consequences. What was right then? Were the rules of engagement too tight? Were they too loose at other times? Are these situations inevitable when war is declared? What are the ramifications of killing for wars and war fighters? And where does responsibility for the killing ultimately rest? I'd love to hear your answers and hear what you think of the kill switch if you read it. It's a Kindle single, but if you just download the app, you can read it on any device. You may feel differently than I do, but I came out of this knowing that if we're not talking about killing, we can't begin to answer these questions. And the country and its institutions to their detriment will fail to see how important taking life is to what happens afterwards. Thank you.


Thanks, Alayama. We've had two wonderful papers, and now one time for one flaky paper. One apology I need to make is that everything I need to do at the conference is happening today. And so I'm going to give my paper, grab my bag, and run out. This is not an attempt to avoid discussion. I'll be here for the final end of the day, but I'm jumping between sessions a lot. It's not because I don't want to hear over in the paper. So my apologies. So what I want to talk about today has only the most tenuous relationship with care in the sense I'm thinking about, if you were trying to assess what are the big health problems medieval people face? And as skeletal people, it's easy to get fixated on, things that leave traces on bones. And if you follow historical sources, it's easy to get fixated on the big headlines as it were. So in that sense, if you were to say, what is the biggest single catastrophe of the Middle Ages, what most people would probably say is the Black Death, the second pandemic starting in 1347, I have the regulatory picture from Monty Python. Bring out your dead. But it was a major serious cultural trauma. In that sense, I'm sure everyone here is familiar with it, but just to go through the facts, this was a so-called second pandemic. It was an epidemic of Yersinia pestis throughout Eurasia, spreading from the east to the northwest. It's a bacterial infection with a complex life cycle involving animals and humans. And the actual number of people it killed varied from country to country. For England, the best guess is on the order of 40% to 50%. So one period of a couple of years, wiping out almost half the population, this is a big health problem. I'm not sure how much archeology of care caused because generally, if you got it, there's a good chance you would die. And the survivors would need it. The native view of the Black Death, there are two main theories about the causes of it. There was a medical theory that this was contagion by miasma. This was a useful theory in the sense that the therapy appropriate to it was isolation, which is a good thing to do to prevent the spread of infectious disease. There was a spiritual theory which was that this was punishment by God for human sin, very generalized because obviously the innocent were dying in droves as well. And commentators at the time were struck by the world turned upside down, the social effects of plague. So effectively, and what mainly upset them, as far as you can tell, aside from the psychological trauma of waking up in the morning and being dead by nightfall, which is not a minor matter, was the social order being reversed. And people who should know their place being uppity and asking for higher wages and so on. There's a lot of historical debates about the Black Death. There was a long historical debate about the actual pathogen. Fortunately, ancient DNA has nailed down that it really was your synopsis. There are different models for the cause. I think the traditional line is simply what you might think of as the pathogen as protagonist. It was an act of God in the story. There's a more complicated model which contextualizes it socio-ecologically. This is Bruce Campbell's perfect storm model, where the reason the epidemic was so devastating depended on a whole combination of social and ecological circumstances. If you look for the archaeology of the Black Death, it's actually surprisingly hard to find sometimes. There are plague pits, such as mass burials in London and other places. There are deserted villages. But aside from that, the archaeology before 1346 does not look amazingly different from the archaeology of the later 14th century, for example. So it's surprisingly elusive in some ways. And we might raise the question, how important was the Black Death really? Now, assessing health problems in the past is a nightmare. The point about it is there is no single source that will tell us everything. It's a mosaic of sources, all of which have biases. So we know about the biases of skeletal records. Everyone here is probably into this. Bones tell you some things and not others, fine. If you think about historical records, this is an example of a so-called bill of mortality from 18th century London. It lists what people died from. And you can see some things we might more or less figure out, apoplexy and suddenly is probably strokes, mostly consumption is probably mostly tuberculosis. There are things we don't know, like inflammation could be due to lots of different causes, fever, malignant fever, et cetera. That's a whole series of infectious diseases put together by symptoms. When it says teeth, what it means is not people who died from bad teeth, but infants who died in the stage of teething, from the sorts of things infants died from. So some idea about the relative scale of problems, but not a lot of hard guidance. So at this point I decided I would try a thought experiment. This is where things become flaky. And for those of you who are not into English television, this is a famous time machine from Dr. Hurley. This is hard as. The World Health Organization has a concept called the burden of disease. This is an estimate of the human, socially economic cost of ill health. So you see it in news reports when they say that X billion euros is cost to the economy by lower back pain every year or something like that. It's used for health policy planning. As far as I know, no one's ever tried applying it to historical problems. There may be good reasons for this, but I'll try it anyway. Fools, Russian, were angels through the train. The way you calculate the burden of disease is the unit of analysis is a disease adjusted life year. And this measures both the amount of time you lose by dying young due to a health problem and the activity and life quality lost due to a health problem. So in the top arrow there, you can see if you would live to 60 based on life expectancy in the population, but a disease kills you at the age of 30, then you've lost 30 years of life due to that disease. Okay, if you're going to live to 60 and at the age of 30 you catch a disease which impairs you and removes 50% of your ability to experience life, then you've lost 50 years lost to disability. You'll see right away that there's a lot of made up parameters even when working with modern data. For example, who is to say that becoming blind reduces your ability to experience life by X percent? The World Health Organization doesn't necessarily know better than the sufferer does. It depends on cultural context and all sorts of things. So it's a notional measure good for rough comparison. And since I have to make up a lot of parameters to use it, I'm happy to point out that people using it on modern populations also have to make up a lot of parameters. One of the key parameters is demography. This is one of the relatively easy ones because you can look for comparative life tables and get pre-modern or non-modern or developing world life tables. So here I've used one from Colin Demity's Western Model. And this is one where there's a lot of child mortality and a sort of sloping off people die in young adulthood as well. It's what you might think of as a pre-modern mortality curve. Okay, you also need to estimate the prevalence of different diseases and how they affect people at different ages and what the consequences are. I won't go through this all in detail, but I'll just give you an idea of the way that I've made up my parameters. And the idea here is not to try and nail it exactly because you can, but simply to come up with some relative estimate. So for example, if you assume all of the epidemic, all the plague years in the Middle Ages might have an average prevalence of 25%.  But there's a lot of years when there isn't plague around. So you have to figure out an average prevalence over all of the Middle Ages, not just the plague years. If you think about tuberculosis, you might say, let's say it affects 10% of the people in the population. Let's assume it doesn't have an age bias. Let's assume it gives you a 40% in capacity. Obviously you can argue about every single one of these, but I just want you to get an idea of how I'm modeling it. If you think about gout, perhaps it affects 10% of older males. It's not likely to kill you, although it might make you wish it had. But it might give you some incapacity. If you think about death and childbirth, if there's a certain percentage of, a certain probability of dying in childbirth every time a woman has a child and the average fertile medieval woman might have had six pregnancies in her fertile years, this adds up to a considerable probability of death and childhood affecting half the population in the middle part of their lives. So you make up a lot of parameters like this. You feed it into the World Health Organization model and you see what happens. You'll see I've put in a few things like dental disease, which is age progressive, affects almost everyone, results in some form of incapacity. You can estimate it how much you like. We know philosophers cannot put up with toothache, Shakespeare tells us that. But it might say, it might reduce your capacity for living by 10 or 20%, let's say. I've put in, as a sort of experiment in making up things even more, famine, you can track famine years and if you average these over the whole villages, you can get some idea. So for example, the great famine of the 13, 15 through 13, 20, might have killed 10 to 20% of the people in Britain, but most years were not famine years and so if you average that you can come up with a much lower estimate. War, here I've calculated in not disruption to society as a whole, but specifically the males who may have been involved in fighting forces, which is a relatively low percentage. The most controversial one probably is social inequality. If you assume that 25% of the medieval population are seriously poor, and if you assume that being seriously poor adds to the probability of malnutrition, accident having a compromised immune system and therefore things like tuberculosis, you can say that actually may have some serious consequences. Okay, as I say, we can argue about all of these, but you get the idea of the logic as if it's a thought experiment. So if you run all these through a relatively simple spreadsheet, you can see some of the primary results here.  If you kill half of the children born before they reach adulthood, that's a huge amount of life potential lost. So that's a real killer. Other important ones, death and childbirth, tuberculosis, social inequality, and so on. What happens if you put plague in here? Well, this is simply some comments, sorry, before we go on to play. Tuberculosis is very common, it both kills and disables people.  Diseases of infancy and childhood kill a lot of people early in life. Childbirth accumulates over a woman's life, the risk of death. So that's why these are major killers. Some things we're familiar with archeologically really are not that serious health problems, I hate to say. Leprosy is rarely lethal, it affects a minority of people and it may be progressive as you go on in life so it doesn't affect young people to the same extent. Things like cancers affect relatively few people late in life. So if you're going to prioritize your health resources then, probably not those. Your syniapestis is devastating when it strikes, particularly in 1347, 48, 49, 50, but it's only in sporadic years, perhaps one year in every couple of decades. The average mortality of the epidemics might be between 10 and 20%. So in that sense it's devastating but it's not omnipresent and you can see it comes in sort of about fifth or sixth in my list. So it may not have been the biggest health problem of the Middle Ages. If I were really going to put my money on something, I'd probably choose something else. At this point, just to wrap up with some thoughts, let's get beyond the question of the highest body count and think about patterns of disease and in some ways a metaphor is useful here. Plague is like wildfire. If you've ever been in a fire in a forest that's been burned, it's devastating, it's very fast, it leaves ruins, it looks horrible, but recovery can be very highly, recovery can be quick under the right circumstances. Tuberculosis is much more like climate change. It's gradual, it's chronic, you may not actually realize the cost of it but it's omnipresent and it may have greater historical effects. So in that sense, you have to think not only about the visible effects or the body count but also how things may have affected history. I'll just close with a few thoughts about catastrophes and their effects. If you killed 40 to 50% of the people in the world, what might you expect to change? Well, a major trauma like this, you might have psychological trauma, you might have cultural trauma worked through literature, philosophy of art, it would structure memory, people would say before the war, before the plague. You might expect new or reoriented religions, loss of culture, traditions, knowledge, regime change, perhaps we could use it now but internal political restructuring, international political realignment and you see a lot of these with things that are even much less lethal. So for example, World War II had great transformative social effects with a body count of perhaps three to 4% of people in the world. The closest thing to the plague would be something for a body count would be something like the European colonization of the Americas. So that's our expectations. In this case, there are various known historical effects of the Black Death, obviously psychological trauma in the short term. Economically in the longer term, increased wages for the working class by basically readjusting the balance of people in land, decreasing income for landowners, increasing prosperity for the working classes, increasing mobility, a shift in land use and one long-term effect of cutting the population of Europe down to about half its earlier size in a way that remained more or less demographically flat for a couple hundred years. So it did have effects. But what I find equally striking is what didn't change. We seem to be having a Chaucer day so we can talk about Chaucer. Chaucer is the 14th century writer. He talks a lot about topical things. He mentions the peasants revolt a number of times. He doesn't mention the plague at all. He lived through it as a small child. People in his family died. It's not part of his working history. There was no regime change, talking mostly here about England, but for other countries as well. There were no major political shifts. There was no change in the basic structure of medieval society. It didn't result in a social revolution. There was relatively little obvious change in religion, art, or literature. Not much in the way. And when people talk about things like the triumph of death, one argument is that actually a lot of these things were starting before the plague and were accelerated by the plague. So there are actually surprisingly a few things historically, which can be defined as pre-plague and post-plague. A lot of trends, such as liberating surfs from the land, become, were accelerated by it, but not necessarily caused by it. So in this sense, it's worth thinking just upon opposing thought about if there's any lessons for us about resilience. And I've been wondering why there was so little visible effect. A few ideas. One is that it killed both rich and poor. And it killed people in different countries. So there wasn't sort of major change in the balance of power in Europe as a whole. No vacuum in England that France could have made or vice versa. Institutions for conserving knowledge were preserved even when individual people died. So the major repositories of knowledge and tradition managed to carry on. Religious narratives channeled psychological responses into stability rather than into overturning things. It was generally used to reinforce the religious and social order rather than the other way around. And the other thing I think is quite important is that medieval society had a very cellular structure. So for example, the basic productive economy was locally based. And therefore, if you wiped out a lot of people, disruption didn't necessarily spread. Whereas if you wiped out 1% of the modern population now, you can imagine the effect on supply chains, the organization of work, the organization of the economy were so much more integrated that any disruption affects the system much better. So I don't know if there are lessons in this for us. Let me finish up very quickly with one question. If you are God or the World Health Organization visiting the Middle Ages, what would you cure? Plague has always been the poster child for health disasters. It's sort of like elephants for wildlife conservation. But to really improve human life for medieval people and change the course of history, perhaps we should go back and think about childhood infectious diseases, clean water tuberculosis, death in childbirth and social inequality. Thank you.


This initiative is part of ALFA's commitment to encourage girls to participate and engage in the ICT sector and to have a better understanding of employment opportunities offered to them in this field, especially with ALFA being a main supporter for the integration of women in the workplace with women constituting about half the number of employees in the company and 30% of women holding key and managerial positions, especially in the departments of technology where the role of women is essential. The event was an opportunity for girls to interact with women managers holding key jobs and administrative positions within the company in the technology department. This also allowed the students to benefit from the ALFA women's experiences and ask about all the details related to this sector as is now playing a key role in people's lives by facilitating communication among them. This commemoration allowed girls to also learn about the latest technologies in the ICT sector and the functioning of the daily work in the company. During a field visit to several of its sections and especially a visit to the department of operation and maintenance which includes the network, operative equipment and servers. In order to unleash the creativity of the girls and inside them to be more involved in the ICT sector, ALFA organized a game where the girls had to imagine the world in 2015 from a digital and technological perspective. Each member of the winning team won a tablet. Certificates of attendance were distributed to all the girls' students making this day a memorable experience. ALFA seeks through this initiative to contribute to guiding the professional career of young female students who are on the verge of choosing their university majors. It should be noted that this event comes at a crucial stage in the telecommunications sector in Lebanon with the launch of mega technology projects that aim at turning Lebanon into a digital platform. Thus ensuring the effective participation of women in the revolution occurring in the sector is essential.


The son of Mozambique's ex-president Amando Guabusa, on Monday night allegations he took bribe to facilitate a $2 billion secret government loan, the loan that plunged the southern African country into a financial crisis. Guabusa's elder son, Ndambi, is among 19 high-profile defendants facing trial in a high-security prison in the capital Maputo. The 2013 corruption case is known as the Hidden Debt Scandal. He is accused of receiving $33 million from an international shipbuilding group, Privinvest. The aim is to convince his father, who was president at the time, to approve corrupt maritime projects. In 2013 and 2014, three public companies secured $2 billion in state-guaranteed loans from international banks. They were to buy a tuna-fishing fleet and surveillance ships, which they contracted to Privinvest. An independent audit later found that $500 million of the loans which were kept hidden from parliament remains unaccounted for. Privinvest has previously denied wrongdoing.


In our discussion of variation method, we have taken a few examples. Now we go back and see how we can nicely represent functions as linear combinations of other functions and how this gives us a better result for energy in case of our good old particle in a box. So, this is something we have covered already. We have said that it is possible to express trial functions as linear combinations of other functions. And in this case, what we said is that we are going to work with fixed functions and we are going to use the coefficients as the variational parameters, which means that we are not suppose we are using a lot of Gaussian functions, we are not going to change the full width half maximum or position of the Gaussian functions. For each Gaussian functions, those parameters will be fixed. What the only thing that will change is the coefficient Cn. So, this is our variational parameter. And what we said is that by changing this, we will try and get the minimum value of the functional epsilon 0. And that is going to provide an upper bound to the ground state energy. And we have demonstrated this with a simple example, where there are only two terms in the summation. So, phi equal to C1 f1 plus C2 f2. And also, right now, we have kept only real coefficients. But actually, the mathematics is not very vastly different if the coefficients are not real. Imaginary coefficients are a reality. I mean, it is a strange way of saying things perhaps, but that is actually correct. So, you do have imaginary coefficients, does not matter. You always end up taking their complex conjugate when you talk about contribution. So, what we have shown is that for this system, we have been able to construct the secular equations for the two variational parameters, the two coefficients. And we have written these equations in terms of h11, s11, h12, s12 and h22. So, these are essentially integrals. What integrals are these? I actually should have written here. Sorry for having forgotten, but I hope you have not forgotten. Hii, let me write in general term is equal to integral fi h fi. So, hij would simply mean, okay, I have to close this, this. And sij, I think ij is a more general way to write because I can always be equal to j. That is simply integral fi star fj over all space. So, we have formulated these secular equations in terms of these integrals. And see these integrals are numbers. And the good thing about working with these integrals is this. Let me underline this word here. These functions f in terms of which we have expressed our trial function, these are arbitrary, fine. Of course, they are, but they are known. Arbitrary in the sense that they may not be the correct functions. I mean, there is no particular reason like we had used a particular function, right, e to the power i phi. That was the eigenfunction of this Pz operator. So, when we tried to construct the phi dependent part of the wave function of hydrogen atom, we had taken a e to the power i phi, im phi. And that made perfect sense. Here, it may, well, it has to make some sense, but it may not make perfect sense to use some particular function f, right, that way they are arbitrary. But they are known. So, if I use a Gaussian function, I know where the maximum is, I know where the, what the full width of maximum is. If it is an exponential function, I know what is the constant associated with that exponential decay, so on and so forth. So, I know the functions. Also, I know Hamiltonian. So, if the function is an eigenfunction of the Hamiltonian, I can hope to actually work out the value of these integrals. And if I can do that, well, this is C1, a variable multiplied by a number plus C2, a variable multiplied by a number. So, it is just plain good old two linear, two set of two simultaneous linear equations, that is all. It is just that it might look a little scary for somebody who is new because we are writing enigmatic things like H11 minus ES11 and so on and so forth. Nothing to worry about that. Now, see when you take secular equations, you could do two things. First is you can try to find the coefficients. After all, coefficients are the parameters here, right? But do not forget, one thing we do not know yet is E. So, what we do is, right now we do not worry about coefficients that might be the story for another day. If you go through our lectures in symmetry, for example, there is this NPTEL course that we taught in symmetry. There we have actually found out these coefficients as well for pi molecular systems. But here we do not bother about coefficients. Our goal right now, the only goal is to determine the ground state energy. So, E is our target. And to target E, what we do is, we write it in matrix form like this. And if you study the theory of linear equations, for this to be, for this C1, C2 to be non-zero, that would give a trivial solution, this secular determinant of this matrix, that must be equal to 0. That is very well known from mathematics that existed, that has existed for a long, long time. So, this secular determinant equal to 0. That is what you have to solve. And now see, H11 I can figure out and we will for particle in a box. S11 we can, H12, S12, H12 everything. The only unknown now in this determinant is E. So, I will expand the determinant, equate it to 0. I will get in this case, I will most likely get a quadratic equation. And I will solve it to get the answers. So, this is what we do. We will get two roots of E, if it is a quadratic equation, they will be in terms of the integrals. If I can find values for the integrals, which we will for particle in a box, then we will get two roots as particular numbers or defined quantities. Then we can evaluate the integrals. As I said, out of these two roots, the one which has a lower energy corresponds to the ground state energy. That is all. And this is the general form. It is not necessary that small n will be restricted to 1 and 2. It can go all the way up to any number capital N. So, this is what the function will be at that time, capital if phi equal to c1, f1 plus c2, f2 so on and so forth plus c capital N, fI capital N. In that case, we will just get a bigger perhaps more intimidating secular determinant. But this is a secular determinant of nth order. So, if we expand it, of course, it is going to be tedious once again. But if we can do it, if we want to do it, we can. So, if we can expand it, we are going to get n roots for E. And once again, the lowest energy, I should not say lower energy here, lowest energy should be the ground state energy. Now, with that background, let us see how we can use this kind of wave function, linear combination of functions in particle in a box and does that improve the situation at all. You might remember in one of the previous modules, we had actually tried to do a variational calculation of ground state energy of particle in a box. And there we obtained an overestimation by 4% and that time we said, okay, 4% is good, but not good enough. So, with that background, can we improve upon that 4% if we use this kind of a linear combination of functions as a, as our trial function. To do that, what we do is, we use f1 equal to x into 1 minus x, f2 equal to x square into 1 minus x whole square. The choice of these wave functions is inspired by the discussion we had the last time we talked about trial functions for particle in a box. Remember, we have said that the functions have to be symmetric with respect to L by 2. And here, we have said L to be equal to 1, which means whatever we write is in terms of L. So, there is an L square in the denominator for energy that has been said to 1.  So, we need a function, we need functions that are symmetric with respect to the midpoint and also they must vanish at the boundaries. x into 1 minus x as well as x square into 1 minus x whole square both satisfy these conditions. I request you to recall what we had obtained in the earlier treatment. Remember, which function, which trial function we had used earlier? We had used phi equal to x to the power alpha into 1 minus x square, I think something like this, okay. And that alpha had come out to be, I think, 0.862 or something like that, okay. Let us remember that result. Now, we are trying to improve upon that 4% overestimation that we had by using a linear sum of two functions, both of which are sort of inspired by the function that we had used in the previous go. And this here is our Hamiltonian, you might remember that in the last time we had used Hamiltonian, we had written Hamiltonian in terms of atomic units. Well, here we have not using atomic units, I am doing it intentionally because we should actually be equally conversant, equally comfortable with all kinds of units, okay. So, this is our Hamiltonian. Now, the next thing to do is to see whether we can make this secular determinant any simpler. And that can be done if we can work out the expressions for all these integrals or you can say the matrix elements. Remember, we talked about it, these are all matrix elements. Let us try to do that. What I will do is, I will show you the steps for one. Well, the easiest one, H11. And then I will leave it to you to work out the rest if you want, you do not have to work out all, but work out at least one or two, one of the Hs and one of the SS, that will be good, okay. So, Hamiltonian is minus h cross square by 2m d2 dx2 minus h cross square by 2m comes out. I am integrating now between 0 and 1 because I have set L2 equal to 1. So, what do I have inside there? Phi multiplied by d2 dx2 phi. So, this is the first term that I will get, okay. This will be H11, okay. Because this is F1. Remember, H11 essentially means integral of F1 star H F1 overall all space, all x in this case, okay. So, x into 1 minus x into d2 dx2 of x into 1 minus x simple. So, this x into 1 minus x essentially is x minus x square. So, first of all, we will find the first derivative of x into 1. It is very simple. Perhaps many of you would have worked it out by the time I do it. So, essentially I am trying to get d dx of x minus x square and without having to know rocket science, I think we can see that this is going to be 1 minus 2x. So, the second derivative is such that we have to find the derivative, we have to differentiate the this thing that we got the first derivative 1 minus 2x, okay. And we have got minus h cross square by 2m outside the integral. What is d dx of 1 minus 2x? I will not even bother writing. It is simply minus 2. So, that minus sign comes out and the 2 cancels with the 2 in the denominator. So, I am left with h cross square by m multiplied by integral from 0 to 1 x minus x square. Is that right? Yes. Again, this is also very simple. I will not even go through the steps. I will just show you the answer. This is the answer. I am showing this step only so that you can check in case you go wrong somewhere. The answer that we get is h cross by 6m, okay. Beautiful. Let me raise all that bad handwriting. So, h 11 as promised has been worked out and it turns out to be h cross square divided by 6m. So, it is up to you to prove that h 21 equal to h 12 is equal to h cross by 30m, h 22 is h cross by 105m, s 11 equal to 1 by 30, s 12 equal to s 21 remember, s ij equal to s ji because it is just integral of a direct product. And h 12 equal to h 21 by using turnover rule, remember h is a Hermitian function, Hermitian operator, okay. This is s 22. What do I do next? I take all these expressions and I plug them into this secular determinant. While doing that, it helps if I work in terms of e cross e dash which is em by h cross square and you can see why h 11 what is h 11? h cross by 6m minus e into s 11. So, minus e by 30. So, naturally this m will go up and so the expression just becomes a little simpler if I write e dash equal to em by h cross square. And this is the determinant I get that is equated to 0. I am going fast intentionally because there is no point in me reading out every step or what you do is you just multiply diagonally then subtract the product of the other diagonal in the terms of the other diagonal and you get this quadratic equation 3 e dash square minus 168 e dash plus 756 is equal to 0. We all know how to solve quadratic equations, minus b plus minus root over b square minus 4ac by 2a use that and we get e dash equal to 168 plus minus root over 19152 by 6 which translates as 51.065 and 4.93487. Do not forget we have said l to be equal to 1. So, remembering that when we go back to emin the minimum value of epsilon 0 turns out to be 0.125002 h cross by m. Now that might not mean much to you but it will when I show you the exact result in the same kind of expression. So, the exact result that we had got for your particle in a box written in the same way for l equal to 1 turns out to be 0.125000 h cross by m. See this number is 0.125002 and this is 0.125000. So, if you are wondering why we are writing so many decimal points does it make sense? Yes it does. So, remember earlier when we use that phi equal to x to the power alpha 1 minus x square kind of function the agreement that time seemed to be good now it seems to be horrible. We had 4 percent over estimation and let us say only 4 percent over estimation. Now look at this you stop at the third decimal place or fourth decimal place or fifth decimal place the match is perfect only in the sixth decimal place the exact value is 0 and the calculated value is 2. So, this is a good match in fact it can get better. So, what we see is that if we use more terms in the trial function then we can get a better match to energy and that opens up a tremendous possibilities. First of all you do not care well you do a little bit but you do not care about being absolutely right on what kind of functions to use. See we are talking about wave functions here we know that wave functions have to satisfy bond interpretation right bond conditions boundary conditions. So, they have to become 0 eventually they cannot go to infinity anywhere they cannot be 0 in all places they have to be continuous. So, we are only going to use that kind of wave functions that kind of functions f we will choose that kind of f only but the good thing is as long as that happens you do not really have to care whether you should use a Gaussian or a log normal or an exponential which function you use whatever function gives you a good match. That is the beauty of our variation method that the nitty-gritty is not even required you do not need to know the wave function all that well. Now think what we had said at the beginning we said the wave function had all the information about a system you make the Hamiltonian operate on it that is a question you ask the wave function gives you the answer here we are going beyond that we do not even know the wave function we are making up some kind of a wave function and we are just changing it until we get close to the right answer. Here we are doing test cases exact solutions are known so that is what gives us the confidence that yes it works we are getting close to the value that we had got earlier using the exact solution. Next we are going to talk about systems for which you cannot find exact solution right and that is where the promise will be fulfilled. So it is a I do not know if you can call it enigmatic I say this is a an amazing situation right in Schrodinger equation the only thing you know is Hamiltonian you do not know the wave function you are making it up you are changing it you are doing all sort of things you do not know energy by doing all sort of things to the wave function the method takes you close to the value of the actual energy and in the process if you work out the coefficients as well for that value of energy you will also have a particular form of wave function okay and that is something that you can plot and you can see what it looks like and using it you can draw these maximum probability contours and what not even though you cannot solve the equation. So you might remember that this this cliche people pull the legs of quantum chemist saying that these people have only one equation and they do not even know how to solve it now let me say that that is that sounds very tongue-in-cheek smart thing to say but it is absolutely unfounded right because here we have a situation where we do not have to solve directly we can get the solutions by using beautiful approximation methods and in doing that we actually get important parameters that we are going to use later also this h i j h ji s i j s ji everything is going to come back and everything is going to be useful in many different applications of quantum chemistry quantum mechanics right all in good time but for now the take home message is that if you increase the number of terms in trial function you get a closer match to energy. So before we can close this discussion and go over to actual multi electron atom system we need to discuss two more things one of them I have sort of summarized in this slide first of all see the functions that we had used earlier remember were arbitrary even though they were known now I can choose a set of functions that are orthonormal aren't they can't I what happens when I choose an orthonormal function especially when I am faced with this daunting task of working out this kind of a humongous determinant does it help? Well as you can see what do we work with we work with these right and I have not written s similarly I can write s i i and s i j right. So here if I use these first of all if I use eigen functions of Hamiltonian and if I use if I choose such eigen functions that form an orthonormal set basis means this is what I am working with this is the set of functions on which I am doing all my calculations based on which this basis set. So if I choose an orthonormal basis where all these f functions are orthogonal to each other and are they themselves normalized then what happens then I know very well what h f i will be I am choosing eigen functions right I will write the others as well. So let us work with this h i j let us say let us say Hamiltonian operating on f i gives me what will I write epsilon i this epsilon that epsilon are not the same set different epsilon i f i. So this turns out to be so Hamiltonian operating on f j will give me epsilon j f j good old eigen value equations. So what will h i j be this will be integral f i star I know what h f j is it is epsilon j f j and epsilon j is a constant so it can come out f j remains inside the integral and this is what I get now see if I have chosen an orthonormal basis do not you know that this is going to be delta i j this integral is going to be equal to 1 if i equal to j and equal to 0 if i is not equal to j so what I am saying is that many of these h i j integrals well all h i j integrals where i is not equal to j they will become 0 and h i i integrals will boil down to just epsilon i so this entire determinant is going to become so simple they are only going to have this some epsilon term and you are going to have zeros right everything will be written in terms of those so that is what we are going to study in little more detail in the next module. So let us conclude today by saying that if we use orthonormal basis we actually get simpler expressions and the secular determinant becomes a little easier to handle there is another advantage but let us talk about that after we have discussed what happens when we after we discuss how orthonormal basis simplifies the problem further for us because remember the whole idea here is that we do not want to tedious a calculation we want it to be as simple as it can get next day we will see how beautifully this problem plays out if we use an orthonormal basis another advantage let me say this at least think of an orthonormal basis that we know think of say orbitals hydrogen atom that is an orthonormal basis suppose I write a multi electron system wave function as a linear combination of hydrogen atom orbitals then what happens we know exactly how to go about this yeah and we can actually hope to think we already know so much about orbitals the moment we bring in those orbitals then we know exactly how to proceed and we sort of know what to expect eventually right that is a very important paradigm in talking about not only multi electron atoms but also molecules. So remember the reason why we are allowed to use this linear combination is that variation method allows us to add as many terms as you want to the trial wave function and vary no matter what we do we can never do better than the best.