To be are not to be This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer Please visit LibriVox.org Recorded by Anthony Wood To be are not to be by Kurt Vonnegut Everything was perfectly swell. There were no prisons, no slums, no insane Asylums, no cripples, no poverty, no wars. All diseases were conquered, so was old age. Death, firing accidents, was an adventure for volunteers. The population of the United States was stabilized at 40 million souls. One bright morning in the Chicago Lying-in Hospital, a man named Edward K. Welling Jr. waited for his wife to give birth. He was the only man waiting. Not many people were born a day anymore. Welling was 56, a mere stripling in a population whose average age was 129. X-rays had revealed that his wife was gonna have triplets. The children would be his first.  He was so rumpled, so still and colorless as to be virtually invisible. His camouflage was perfect, since the waiting room had a disorderly and demoralized air, too. Chairs and ashtrays had been moved away from the walls. The floor was paved with spattered drop-clothes. The room was being redecorated. It was being redecorated as a memorial to a man who had volunteered to die. A sardonic old man, about 200 years old, sat on a step ladder painting a mural he did not like. Back in the days when people aged visibly, his age would have been guessed at 35 or so. Aging had touched him that much before the cure for aging was found. The mural he was working on depicted a very neat garden. Men and women in white, doctors and nurses turned the soil, planted seedlings, sprayed bugs, spread fertilizer.  Never, never, never. Not even in medieval Holland nor old Japan had a garden been more formal, been better tended. Every plant had all the loam, light, water, air and nourishment it could use. A hospital orderly came down the corridor singing under his breath a popular song. If you don't like my kisses, honey, here is what I'll do. I'll go and see a girl in purple kiss this sad world to the loo. If you don't want my lovin', why should I take up all this space?  Let some sweet baby have my place. The orderly looked at the mural and the muralist. Look so real, he said. I can practically imagine I'm standing in the middle of it. What makes you think you're not in it? said the painter. He gave a satiric smile. It's called the happy garden of life, you know. That's good of Dr. Hitz, said the orderly. He was referring to one of the male figures in white whose head was a portrait of Dr. Benjamin Hitz, the hospital's chief obstetrician. Hitz was a blindingly handsome man. Lots of faces still to fill in, said the orderly. He meant that the faces of many of the figures in the mural were still blank. All blanks were to be filled with portraits of important people on either the hospital staff or from the Chicago office of the Federal Bureau of Termination.  The painter's face curled with scorn. You think I'm proud of this dog, he said. You think this is my idea of what life really looks like? What's your idea of what life looks like, said the orderly. The painter gestured at a foul drop cloth. There's a good picture of it, he said. Frame that you'll have a picture a damn sight more honest than this one. Yeah, gloomy old duck, aren't you, said the orderly. Was that a crime? Said the painter. The orderly shrugged. You don't like it here, grandpa, he said, and he finished the thought with the trick telephone number that people who didn't want to live anymore were supposed to call the zero and the telephone number was pronounced not the number was to be are not to be it was the telephone number of an institution whose fanciful sober case included automatic birdland cannery cat box De Lauser easy go good mother happy hooligan kiss me quick lucky Pierre sheep dip wearing blender weep no more and why worry to be or not to be was the telephone number of the municipal gas chambers of the federal Bureau of Termination the painter thumbed his nose at the orderly when I decide it's time to go he said it won't be at the sheep dip do it yourself for a said the orderly messy business grandpa why don't you have a little consideration for the people who have to clean up after you the painter expressed with an obscenity his lack of concern for the tribulations of his survivors the world could do with a good deal more mess if you ask me he said the orderly laughed and moved on wailing the waiting father mumbled something without raising his head and then fell silent again a course formidable woman strode into the waiting room on spiked heels her shoes stockings trench coat bag and overseas cap were all purple the purple the painter called the color of grapes on judgment day the medallion on her purple musette bag was the seal of the service division of the federal Bureau of Termination and eagle perched on a turnstile the woman had a lot of facial hair and unmistakable mustache in fact a curious thing about gas chamber hostesses was that no matter how lovely and feminine they were when recruited they all sprouted mustaches within five years or so is this where I'm supposed to come she said to the painter a lot would depend on what your business was he said you aren't about to have a baby are you they told me I was supposed to pose for some picture she said my name's Leora Duncan she waited and you dunk people he said what skip it that sure is a beautiful picture she said looks like a heaven or something or something said the painter he took a list of names from his smock pocket Duncan Duncan Duncan he said scanning the list yes here you are you're entitled to be immortalized see any faceless body here you'd like me to stick your head on we got a few choice ones left she studied the mural bleakly gee she said they're all the same to me I don't know anything about art a body's a body huh he said all righty as a master of fine art I recommend this body here he indicated a faceless figure of a woman who was carrying dried stocks to a trash burner well said Leora Duncan that's more the dispose all people isn't it I mean I'm in service I don't do any disposing the painter clapped his hands and mocked the light you say you don't know anything about art and then you prove in the next breath that you know more about it than I do of course the sheep carrier is wrong for a hostess a snipper a pruner that's more your line he pointed to a figure in purple who is sawing a dead branch from an apple tree how about her he said you like her at all gosh she said and she blushed and became humble that puts me right next to doctor he hits that upsets you he said oh good gravy no she said it's just such an honor are you admire him he said who doesn't admire him she said worshipping the portrait of hits it was the portrait of a tanned white haired omnipotent Zeus 240 years old who doesn't admire him she said again he was responsible for setting up the very first gas chamber in Chicago nothing would please me more said the painter than to put you next to him for all time sawing off a limb that strikes you as appropriate that is kind of like what I do she said she was demure about what she did what she did was make people comfortable when she killed them and while Liora Duncan was posing for her portrait into the waiting room about a doctor hits himself he was seven feet tall and he boomed with importance accomplishments and the joy of living well miss Duncan miss Duncan he said and he made a joke what are you doing here he said this isn't where the people leave this is where they come in we we're gonna be in the same picture together she said shyly good said doctor it's hardly and say isn't that some picture I sure am honored to be in it with you she said let me tell you he said I'm honored to be in it with you without women like you this wonderful world we've got wouldn't be possible he saluted her and moved toward the door that led to the delivery rooms guess what was just born he said I can't she said triplets he said triplets she was exclaiming over the legal implications of triplets the law said that no newborn child could survive unless the parents of the child could find someone who would volunteer to die triplets if they were all to live called for three volunteers do the parents have three volunteers said Liora Duncan last I heard said doctor hits they had one and we're trying to scrape another two up I don't think they made it she said nobody made three appointments with us nothing but singles going through today unless somebody called in after I left what's the name welling said the waiting father sitting up red-eyed and frowsy Edward K welling jr is the name of the happy father to be he raised his right hand looked at the spot on the wall gave a horsely wretched chuckle present he said oh mr welling said doctor hits I I didn't see you the invisible man said welling they just phoned me that your triplets had been born said doctor hits they're all fine and then so was the mother I'm on my way to see them now hooray said welling empty you don't sound very happy said doctor hits what man in my shoes wouldn't be happy said welling he gestured with his hands to symbolize carefree simplicity all I have to do is pick out which one of the triplets is going to live then deliver my maternal grandfather to the happy hooligan and come back here with a receipt doctor hits became rather severe with welling towered over him you don't believe in population control mr welling he said I think it's perfectly keen said welling toddler would you like to go back to the good old days when the population of the earth was 20 billion about to become 40 billion then 80 billion then 160 billion do you know what a droplet is mr welling said hits nope said welling subtly a droplet mr welling is one of the little knobs one of the little pulpy grains of a blackberry without population control human beings would now be packed on the surface of this whole planet like droplets on a blackberry think of it welling continued to stare at the same spot on the wall in the year 2000 said dr hits before scientists stepped in and laid down the law there wasn't even enough drinking water to go around and nothing to eat but seaweed and still people insisted on their right to reproduce like jack rabbits and they're right if possible to live forever I want those kids said welling quietly I want all three of them of course you do said dr hits that's only human I don't want my grandfather to die either said welling nobody's really happy about taking a close relative to the cat box said dr hits gently sympathetically I wish people wouldn't call it that said lyora Duncan what said dr hits I wish people wouldn't call it the cat box and things like that it gives people the wrong impression you're absolutely right said dr hits forgive me he corrected himself gave the municipal gas chambers their official title a title no one ever used in conversation I should have said the ethical suicide studios that sounds so much better said lyora Duncan this child of yours whichever one you decide to keep mr welling said dr hits he or she is going to live on a happy roomy clean rich planet thanks to population control in a garden like that mural there he shook his head two centuries ago when I was a young man it was a hell that nobody thought could last another 20 years now centuries of peace and plenty stretch before us as far as the imagination cares to travel he smiled luminously the smile faded as he saw that welling had just drawn a revolver welling shot dr hits dead there's room for one a great big one he said and then he shot lyora Duncan it's only death he said to her as she fell there room for two and then he shot himself making room for all three of his children nobody came running nobody seemingly heard the shots the painter said on top of his step ladder looking down reflectively on the sorry scene the painter pondered the mournful puzzle of life demanding to be born and once born demanding to be fruitful to multiply and to live as long as possible to do all that on a very small planet that would have to last forever all the answers that the painter could think of were grim even grimer surely than a cat box a happy hooligan an easy go he thought of war he thought of plague he thought of starvation he knew that he would never paint again he let his paintbrush fall to the drop clause below and then he decided he had had about enough of life in the happy garden of life too and he came slowly down the ladder he took welling's pistol really intending to shoot himself but he didn't have the nerve and then he saw the telephone booth in the corner of the room he went to it dialed the well-remembered number to be are not to be federal bureau of termination said a very warm voice of a hostess how soon can i get an appointment he asked speaking very carefully we could probably fit you in late this afternoon sir she said it might even be earlier if we get a cancellation all right said the painter fit me in if you please and he gave her his name spelling it out thank you sir said the hostess your city thanks you your country thanks you your planet thanks you but the deepest thanks of all is from future generations the end of to be are not to be by kurt vonnegut recording by anthony wood madison wisconsin www.smoking-monkey.com the cosmic express by jack williamson this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org read by Jerome Lawson the cosmic express by jack williamson mr eric stokes harding tumbled out of the rumpled bed clothing a striking slender figure in purple striped pajamas he smiled fondly across to the other of the twin beds were not a he's pretty bride like quiet beneath light silk covers with a groan he stood up and began a series of fantastic bending exercises but after a few half-hearted moments he gave it up and walked through an open door into a small bright room its walls covered with bookcases and also with scientific appliances that would have been strange to the man of four or five centuries before when the age of aviation was beginning yawning mr eric stokes harding stood before the great open window staring out below him was a wide park like space green with emerald lawns and bright with flowering plants 200 yards across it rose an immense pyramidal building an artistic structure gleaming with white marble and bright metal striped with the verdure of terraced roof gardens its slender peak rising to help support the gray steel ribbed glass roof above beyond the park stretched away in illimitable vistas broken with the graceful columned buildings that held up the great glass roof above the glass over this new york of 2432 ad a freezing blizzard was sweeping but small concern was that the lightly clad man at the window who was inhaling deeply the fragrant air from the plants below air kept winter and summer exactly at 20 degrees celsius with another yawn mr eric stokes harding turned back to the room which was bright with the rich golden light that poured in from the suspended globes of the cold auto light that illuminated the snow-covered city with a distasteful grimace he seated himself before a broad paper littered desk sat a few minutes leaning back with his hands clasped behind his head at last he straightened reluctantly slid a small typewriter out of its drawer and began pecking at it impatiently for mr eric stokes harding was an author there was a whole shelf of his books on the wall in bright jackets red and blue and green that brought a thrill of pleasure to the young novelists heart when he looked up from his clattering machine he wrote thrilling action romances as his enthusiastic publishers and television directors said of ages past when men were men red-blooded heroes responding vigorously to the stirring passions of primordial life he was impartial as to the source of his thrills provided they were distant enough from modern civilization his hero was likely to be an ape man roaring through the jungle with a bloody rock in one hand and a beautiful girl in the other or a cowboy hard riding hard shooting the vanishing hero of the ancient ranches or a man marooned with a lovely woman on the desert south sea island his heroes were invariably strong fearless resourceful fellows who could handle a club on equal terms with a caveman or call science to aid them in defending a beautiful mate from the terrors of a desolate wilderness and a hundred million red eric's novels and watched the dramatization of them on the television screens they thrilled that the simple romantic lives his heroes led paid him handsome royalties and subconsciously shared his opinion that civilization had taken all the best from the life of man eric had settled down to the artistic satisfaction of describing the sensuous delight of his hero in the roasted marrow bones of a dead mammoth when the pretty woman in the other room stirred and presently came tripping into the study gay and vivacious and as her husband of a few months most justly thought altogether beautiful in a bright silk dressing gown recklessly he slammed the machine back into its place and resolved to forget that his next red-blooded action thriller was due in the publisher's office at the end of the month he sprang up to kiss his wife held her embraced for a long happy moment and then they went hand in hand to the side of the room and punched a series of buttons on a panel a simple way of ordering breakfast sent up the automatic shaft from the kitchens below not as stokes harding was also an author she wrote poems back to nature stuff simple lyrics of the sea of sunsets of bird songs of bright flowers and warm winds of thrilling communion with nature and growing things men read her poems and called her a genius even though the world had grown up into a city the birds were extinct there were no wild flowers and no one had time to bother about sunsets eric darling she said isn't it terrible to be cooped up here in this little flat far away from the things we both love yes dear civilization has ruined the world if we could have only lived a thousand years ago when life was simple and natural when men hunted and killed their meat instead of drinking synthetic stuff when men still had the joys of conflict instead of living under glass like hot house flowers if only we could go somewhere there isn't anywhere to go i'll write about the west africa south sea islands but they were all filled up 200 years ago pleasure resorts sanatoriums cities factories if only we lived on venus i was listening to a lecture on the television last night the speaker said that the planet venus is younger than the earth that it is not cool so much it has a thick cloudy atmosphere and low rainy forests their simple elemental life there like earth had before civilization ruined it yes kinsley with his new infrared ray telescope that penetrates the cloud layers of the planet proved that venus rotates in about the same period as earth and it must be much like earth was a million years ago eric i wonder if we could go there it would be so thrilling to begin life like the characters in your stories to get away from this hateful civilization and live natural lives maybe a rocket the young author's eyes were glowing he skipped across the floor seized nada kissed her ecstatically splendid think of hunting in the virgin forest and bringing the game home to you but i'm afraid there's no way wait the cosmic express the cosmic express a new invention just perfected a few weeks ago i understand by lewdwig von der volz the german physicist i've quit bothering about science it's ruined nature filled the world with silly artificial people doing silly artificial things but this is quite remarkable dear a new way to travel by ether by ether yes you know of course that energy and matter are interchangeable terms both are simply etheric vibration of different sorts of course that's elementary she smiled proudly i can give you examples even of the change that is integration of the radium atom making helium and lead and energy and milliken's old proof that his cosmic ray is generated when particles of electricity are united to form an atom fine i thought you said you weren't a scientist he glowed with pride but the method in the new cosmic express is simply to convert the matter to be carried into power send it out as a radiant beam and focus the meme to convert it back into atoms at the destination but the amount of energy must be terrific it is you know short waves carry more energy than long ones the express ray is an electromagnetic vibration of frequency far higher than even of the cosmic ray and correspondingly more powerful and more penetrating the girl frowned running slim fingers through golden brown hair but i don't see how they get any recognizable object not even how they get the radiation turned back into matter the beam is focused just like the light that passes through a camera lens the photographic lens using light rays picks up a picture and reproduces it again on the plate just the same as the express ray picks up an object and sets it down on the other side of the world an analogy from television might help you know that by means of the scanning disk the picture is transformed into mere rapid fluctuations in the brightness of a beam of light in a parallel manner the focal plane of the express ray moves slowly through the object progressively dissolving layers of the thickness of a single atom which are accurately reproduced at the other focus of the instrument which might be in venus but the analogy of the lens is the better of the two for no receiving instrument is required as in television the object is built up of an infinite series of plane layers at the focus of the ray no matter where that may be such a thing would be impossible with radio apparatus because even with the best beam transmission all but a tiny fraction of the power is lost and power is required to rebuild the atoms do you understand dear not all together but i should worry here comes breakfast let me butter your toast a bell had rung on the shaft she ran to it and returned with a great silver tray laden with dainty dishes which she said on a little side table they sat down opposite each other and ate getting as much satisfaction from contemplation of each other's faces as from the excellent food when they had finished she carried the tray to the shaft slid it in a slot and touched a button thus disposing of the culinary cares of the morning she ran back to eric who was once more staring distastefully at his typewriter oh darling i'm thrilled the death about the cosmic express if we could go to venus to a new life on a new world and get away from all this hateful conventional society we can go to their office it's only five minutes the chap that operates the machine for the company is a palamine he's not supposed to take passengers except between the offices they have scattered about the world but i know his weak point eric laughed fumbled with the hidden spring under his desk a small polished object gleaming silvery slid down into his hand old friendship plus this would make him like spinach five minutes later mr eric stokes harding and his pretty wife wearing street clothes light silk tunics of loose flowing lines little clothing being required in the artificially warm city they entered an elevator and dropped 30 stories to the ground floor of the great building there they entered a cylindrical car with rows of seats down the sides not greatly different from an ancient subway car except that it was airtight and was hurled by magnetic attraction and repulsion through a tube exhausted of air at a speed that would have made an old subway rider gasp with amazement in five more minutes their car had whipped up to the base of another building in the business section where there was no room for parks between the mighty structures that hold the unbroken glass roofs 200 stories above the concrete pavement an elevator brought them up 150 stories eric led nada down a long carpeted corridor to a wide glass door which bore the words cosmic express stenciled in gold capitals across it as they entered a lean man carrying a black bag darted out of an elevator shaft opposite the door ran across the corridor and entered they pushed in after him they were in a little room cut in two by a high brass grill in front of it was a long bench against the wall that reminded one of the waiting room in an old railway depot in the grill was a little window with a lazy brown ad youth leaning on the shelf behind it beyond him was a great glittering piece of mechanism half hidden by the brass a little door gave access to the machine from the space before the grill the thin man in black whom eric now recognized as a prominent french heart specialist was dancing before the window waving his bag frantically raving at the sleepy boy quick i have tell you the truth i have the most urgent necessity to go quickly a patient i haven't believed that is in the most critical condition hold your horses just a minute mister we've got a client in the machine now russian diplomat from Moscow to Rio de Janeiro 270 dollars and 80 cents please your turn next remember this is just an experimental service regular installations all over the world in a year ready now come on in the youth took the money pressed a button the door sprang open in the grill and the frantic physician leaped through it lie down on the crystal face up the young man ordered hands at your sides don't breathe ready he manipulated his dials and switches and pressed another button why hello eric old man he cried that's a lady you were telling me about congratulations a bell jangled before him on the panel uh just a minute i got a call he punched the board again little bulbs laid and glowed for a second the youth turned toward the half hidden machine spoke courteously all right madam uh walk out hope you found the transit pleasant at my violet my precious violet a shrill female voice came from the machine sir what have you done with my darling violet i'm sure i don't know madam uh you lost it off your hat none of your important sir i want my dog uh a dog ah a dog must have jumped off the crystal you can have him sent on for 300 and young man if any harm comes to my violet i'll i'll i'll appeal to the society for the prevention of cruelty to animals very good madam we appreciate your patronage the door flew open again a very fat woman puffing angrily face highly colored clothing shimmering with artificial gems waddled pompously out of the door through which the frantic french doctor had so recently vanished she rolled heavily across the room and out into the corridor shrill words floated back i'm going to see my lawyer my precious violet the sallow youth winked and now what can i do for you eric we want to go to venus if that ray of yours can put us there the venus impossible my orders are to use the express merely between the 16 designated stations uh new york san francisco tokyo london paris see here charlie with a cautious glance toward the door eric held up the silver flask for old times sake and for this the boy seemed dazed at sight of the bright flask then with a single swift motion he snatched it out of eric's hand and bent to conceal it below the instrument panel sure oh boy i send you to heaven for that if you give me the micrometer readings to set the ray with but i'll tell you this is dangerous i've got a sort of television attachment for focusing the ray i can set that on venus i've been amusing myself watching the life there already terrible place savage i can pick a place on highland to set you down but i can't be responsible for what happens afterwards simple primitive life is what we're looking for and now what do i owe you oh that's all right tween friends provided that stuff's genuine walk in and lie down on the crystal block hands at your sides don't move the little door had swung open again and eric led nada through they stepped into a little cell completely surrounded with mirrors and vast prisms and lenses and electron tubes in the center was a slab of transparent crystal eight feet square and two inches thick with an intricate massive machinery below it eric helped nada to a place on the crystal and lay down at her side i think the cosmic ray is focused just at the surface of the crystal from below he said it dissolves their substance to be transmitted by the beam it would look as if we were melting into the crystal ready called the youth think i got it for you sort of a high island in the jungle nothing bad inside now but i say how are you coming back i haven't got time to watch you though ahead we aren't coming back a bell jangled so long the youth called nada and eric felt themselves enveloped in fire sheets of white flame seemed to lap up about them from the crystal block suddenly there was a sharp tingling sensation where they touched the polished surface then blackness blankness the next thing they knew the fires were gone from about them they were lying in something extremely soft and fluid and warm rain was beating on their faces eric sat up found himself in the mud puddle beside him was nada opening her eyes and struggling up her bright garment stained with black mud all about rose a thick jungle dark and gloomy and very wet palm like the gigantic trees were or fern like flinging clouds of feathery green foliage high against a somber sky of unbroken gloom they stood up triumphant at last nada cried we're free free of that hateful old civilization we're back to nature yes we're on our feet now not parasites on the machines it's wonderful to have a fine strong man like you to trust in eric you're just like one of the heroes in your books you're the perfect companion nada but now we must be practical we must build a fire find weapons set up a shelter of some kind i guess it'll be night pretty soon and charlie said something about the savage animals he had seen in the television we'll have a nice dry cave and have a fire in front of the door and skins of animals to sleep on and pottery vessels to cook in and you'll find seeds and grow grain but first we must find a flint bed we need flint for tools and to strike sparks to make a fire with we'll probably come across a chunk of virgin copper too it's found native presently they set off through the jungle the mud seemed to be very abundant and of a most sticky consistency they sank into it ankle deep at every step and vast masses of it clung to their feet a mile they struggled on without finding where a provident nature had left them even a single fragment of quartz to say nothing of a massive pure copper a darn shame eric grumbled to come 40 million miles and meet such a reception as this nada stopped eric she said i'm tired and i don't believe there's any rock here anyway you'll have to use wooden tools sharpened in the fire probably a right this soil seemed to be of an alluvial origin shouldn't be surprised if the native rock has some hundreds of feet underground your idea is better you can make a fire by ripping sticks together can't you it can be done i'm sure i've never tried it myself we need some dry sticks first they resumed the weary march with a good fraction of the new planet adhering to their feet rain was still falling from the dark heavens in a steady warm downpour dry wood seemed scarce as the proverbial hen's teeth you didn't bring any matches dear matches of course not we're going back to nature i hope we get a fire pretty soon if dry wood were gold dust we couldn't buy a hotdog eric that reminds me i'm hungry he confessed to a few pangs of his own they turned their attention to looking for banana trees and coconut palms but they didn't seem to abound in the venerian jungle even small animals that might have been slain with a broken branch had contrary ideas about the matter at last from sheer weariness they stopped and gathered branches to make a sloping shelter by a vast fallen tree trunk this will keep out the rain maybe eric said hopefully and tomorrow when it's quit raining i'm sure we'll do better they crept in as gloomy night fell without they lay in each other's arms the body warmth oddly comforting not a cry to little buck up eric advised her we're back to nature where we've always wanted to be with the darkness the temperature fell somewhat and a high wind rose whipping cold rain into the little shelter and threatening to demolish it swarms of mosquito-like insects seemingly not inconvenienced in the least by the inclement elements swarmed about them in clouds then came a sound from the dismal stormy night a horse bellowing roar raucous terrifying not a clung against eric what what is it dear she chattered must be a reptile dinosaur or something of the sort this world seems to be in about the same state as the earth when they flourish there but maybe it won't find us the roar was repeated nearer the earth trembled beneath a mighty tread eric a thin voice trembled don't you think it might have been better you know the old life wasn't so bad after all i was just thinking of our rooms nice and warm and bright with hot foods coming up the shaft whenever we push the button and the gay crowds in the park and my old typewriter eric she called softly yes dear don't you wish we had known better i do if he winced at the we the girl did not notice the roaring outside was closer and suddenly it was answered by another raucous bellow a comparable distance that echoed strangely through the forest the fearful sounds were repeated alternately and always the more distant seemed nearer until the two sounds were together and then an infernal din broke out in the darkness bellows screams deafening mighty splashes as if struggling titans at upset oceans thunderous crashes as if they were demolishing forests eric and nada clung to each other and doubt whether to stay or to fly through the storm gradually the sound of the conflict came nearer until the earth shook beneath them and they were afraid to move suddenly the great fallen tree against which they had erected the flimsy shelter was rolled back evidently by a chance blow from the invisible monsters the pitiful roof collapsed on the bedraggled humans nada burst into tears oh if only if only suddenly flame lapped up about them the same white fire they had seen as they lay on the crystal block dizziness insensibility overcame them a few moments later they were lying on the transparent table in the cosmic express office with all those great mirrors and prisms and lenses about them a bustling red-faced official appeared through the door in the grill fairly bubbling apologies so sorry an accident inconceivable i can't see how we got it we got you back as soon as we could find a focus i sincerely hope you haven't been injured why what what why i happened in found our operator drunk i have no idea where i got this stuff muttered something about venus i consulted the auto register and found two more passengers registered here than had been recorded at our other stations i looked up the duplicate beam coordinates and found that it had been set on venus i got men on the television at once and we happened to find you i can't imagine how it happened i've had the fellow locked up and the drylaws are on the job i hope you won't hold us for excessive damages no i ask nothing except that you don't press charges against the boy i don't want him to suffer for it in any way my wife and i will be perfectly satisfied to get back to our apartment i don't wonder you look like you've been through i don't know what but i'll have you there in five minutes my private car mr eric stokesharding noted author of primitive life and love ate a hearty meal with his pretty spouse after they had washed off the grime of another planet he spent the next 12 hours in bed at the end of the month he delivered his promised story to his publishers a thrilling tale of a man marooned on venus with a beautiful girl the hero made stone tools erected a dwelling for himself and his mate hunted food for her defended her from the mammoth story and monsters of the venerian jungles the book was a huge success end of the cosmic express the day time stopped moving this is a lever box recording all lever box recordings are in the public domain for more information for the volunteer please visit lever box dot org recording by tom weiss the day time stopped moving by bradner buckner all day miller wanted to do was commit suicide in peace he tried but the things that happened after he pulled the trigger were all wrong like everyone standing around like statues no saint peter no pearly gate no pitchforks or halos he might just as well have saved the bullet dave miller would never have done it had he been in his right mind the millers were not a melancholy stock partly the sort of people you expect to read about in the morning paper who have taken their lives the night before but dave miller was drunk abominably roaringly sell and the barrel of the big revolver as he stood against the sink made a ring of coldness against his right temple don was beginning to stain the frosty kitchen windows in the faint light the letter lay a gray square against the drainboard tiles with the melodramatic gesture of the very drunk miller had scrawled across the envelope this is why i did it he had found helen's letter in the envelope when he staggered into their bedroom 15 minutes ago at a quarter after five as had frequently happened during the past year eight come home from the store a little late about 12 hours late in fact and this time helen had done what she had long threatened to do she had left him the letter was brief containing a world of heartbreak and broken hopes i don't mind having to scrimp dave no woman minds that if she feels she's really helping her husband over a rough spot when business went bad a year ago i told you i was ready to help in any way i could but you haven't let me you quit fighting when things got difficult and put in all your money and energy on liquor and horses and cards i could stand being married to a drunkard dave but not to a coward so she was trying to show him but miller told himself he'd show her instead coward a maybe this would teach her a lesson hell of a lot of help she'd been nag at him every time he took a drink holler bloody murder when he put 25 bucks on a horse with a chance to make 500 what man wouldn't do those things his drugstore was on the skids could he be blamed for drinking a little too much if alcohol dissolved the morbid vapors of his mind miller stiffened angrily and tightened his finger on the trigger but he had one moment of frank insight just before the hammer dropped and brought the world tumbling about his ears it brought with it a realization that the whole thing was his fault helen was right he was a coward there was a poignant ache in his heart she'd been as loyal as they came he knew that he could have spent his nights thinking up new business tricks instead of swilling whiskey could have gone out of his way to be pleasant to customers not snap at them when he had a terrific hangover and even miller knew nobody ever made any money on the horses at least not when he needed it but horses and whiskey and business had become tragically confused in his mind so here he was full of liquor and madness with a gun to his head then again anger swept his mind clean of reason and he threw his chin up and ripped the gun tight run out on me will she he murdered thickly well this will show her in the next moment the hammer fell and dade miller had shown her miller opened his eyes with a start as plain as black on white he'd heard a bell ring the most familiar sound in the world too it was the unmistakable tinkle of his cash register now how in hell the thought began in his mind and then he saw where he was the cash register was right in front of him it was open and on the marvel slab lay a customer's five spot miller's glance straight up and around him he was behind the drug counter all right there were a man and a girl sipping coax at the fountain to his right the magazine racks by the open door the tobacco counter across from the fountain and right before him was a customer good lord who thought was all this a a dream sweat oozed out on his clammy forehead that stuff are hermans that he had drunk during the game it had had a rank taste but he wouldn't have thought anything short of marijuana could produce such hallucinations as he had just had wild conjectures came boiling up from the bottom of miller's beam how did he get behind the counter who was the woman he was waiting on what the woman's curious stare was what jarred him completely into the present get rid of her was his one thought then sit down behind the scenes and try to figure it all out his hand poised over the cash drawer then he remembered he didn't know how much he was to take out of the five avoiding the woman's glance he muttered let's see now was that uh how much did i say the woman made no answer miller cleared his throat said uncertainly i beg your pardon ma'am did i say 75 cents it was just a feeler but the woman didn't even answer to that and it was right then that dave miller noticed the deep silence that broaded in the store slowly his head came up and he looked straight into the woman's eyes she returned him a cool half smiling glance but her eyes neither blinked nor moved her features were frozen lips parted teeth showing a little the tip of her tongue was between her even white teeth as though she had started to say this and stopped with the syllable unspoken muscles began to rise behind miller's ears he could feel his hair stiffen like filings drawn to a magnet his glance struggled to the soda fountain what he saw there shook him to the core of his being the girl who was drinking a coke had the glass to her lips but apparently she wasn't sipping the liquid her boyfriend's glass was on the counter he had drawn on a cigarette and exhaled the gray smoke that smoke hung in the air like a large elongated balloon with the small n disappearing between his lips while miller stared the smoke did not stir in the slightest there was something unholy something supernatural about this scene with apprehension rippling down his spine dade miller reached across the cash register and touched the woman on the cheek the flesh was warm but as hard as flint tentatively the young druggist pushed harder finally shoved with all his might for all the result the woman might have been a two-ton bronze statue she neither budged nor changed the expression panic seized miller his voice hit a high hysterical tenor as he called to his soda jerker peep peep he shouted what in god's name is wrong here the blonde youngster with a towel wadded in a glass did not stir miller rushed from the back of the store seized the boy by the shoulders tried to shake him but peep was rooted to the spot miller knew now that what was wrong was something greater than a hallucination or a hangover he was in some kind of trap his first thought was to rush home and see if helen was there there was a great sense of relief when he thought of her helen with her grave blue eyes and understanding manner would listen to him and know what was the matter he left the haunted drugstore at a run darted around the corner and up the street to his car but doughy had not locked the car the door resisted his twisting grasp shaking pounding swearing miller wrestled with each of the doors abruptly he stiffened as a horrible thought leaped into his being his gaze left the car and wondered up the street passed the intersection passed the one beyond that on up the thoroughfare until the gray haze of the city dimmed everything and as far as dave miller could see there was no trace of motion cars were poised in the street some passing other machines some turning corners a streetcar stood at a safety zone a man who had leaped from the bottom step hung in space a foot above the pavement pedestrians paused with one foot up a bird hovered above a telephone pole its wings blew to the blue vault of the sky with a choked sound miller began to run he did not slacken his pace for 15 minutes until around him were the familiar reassuring trees and shrub bordered houses of his own street but yet how strange to him the season was autumn and the air filled with brown and golden leaves that tossed on a frozen wind miller ran by two boys lying on a lawn petrified into a modern counterpart of the sculptors the wrestlers the swedish tang of burning leaves brought a thrill of terror to him for looking down an alley from whence the smoke drifted he saw a man tending a fire whose leaping flames were red tongues that did not move sobbing with relief the young druggist started up on his own walk he tried the front door found it locked and jammed the thumb against the doorbell but of course the little metal button was as immovable as a mountain so in the end after convincing himself that the key could not be inserted into the lock he sprang toward the back the screen door was not latched but it might as well have been the steel door of a bank vault miller began to pound on and shouting hellen hellen are you in there my god dear there's something wrong you've got to the silence that flowed in again when his voice choked off was the dead stillness of the tomb he could hear his voice rustling through the empty rooms and at last it came back to him like a taunt hellen hellen chapter two time stands still today miller the world was now a planet of death on which he alone lived and moved and spoke staggered utterly beaten he made no attempt to break into his home but he didn't stumble around to the kitchen window and try to peer in anxious to see if there was a body on the floor the room was in semi-darkness however and his straining eyes made out nothing he returned to the front of the house shambling like a synambulist seated on the porch steps head and hands he slipped into a hell of regrets he knew now that his suicide had been no hallucination he was dead all right and this must be hell or purgatory bitterly he cursed his drinking that had led him to such a mad thing as suicide suicide he dave miller of power who had just taken his own life miller's whole being crawled with revulsion if he just had the last year to live over again he thought perfectly and yet through it all some inner strain kept trying to tell him he was not dead this was his own world all right and essentially unchanged what had happened to it was beyond the pale of mere guesswork but this one thing began to be clear this was a world in which change or motion of any kind was a foreigner fire would not burn and smoke did not rise doors would not open liquids were solid miller's stubbing toe could not move a pebble and a blade of grass easily supported his weight without bending in other words miller began to understand change had been stopped as surely as if a master hand had put a finger on the world's balance wheel miller's ramblings were terminated by the consciousness that he had an acute headache his mouth tasted as herman used to say after a big night as if an army had camped in it coffee and a bromo were what he needed but it was a great awakening to him when he found a restaurant and learned that he could neither drink the coffee nor get the lid off the bromo bottle fragrant coffee steam hung over the glass percolator but even this steam was as a brick wall to his probing touch miller started gloomily to spread his way through the waiters in back of the counter again moments later he stood in the street and there were tears swimming in his eyes hellen his voice was a pleading whisper hellen honey where are you there was no answer but the pitiful palpitation of utter silence and then there was movement at dave miller's right something shot from between the parked cars and crashed against him something brown and hairy and soft it knocked him down before he could get his breath a red wet tongue was licking his face and hands and he was looking up into the face of a police dog frantic with joy at seeing another in this city of death the dog was scarcely that miller rise it stood up to plant big wet paws on his shoulders and try to lick his face miller laughed out loud a laugh with a throaty catch in it where do you come from boy he asked won't they talk to you either what's your name boy there was a heavy brass studded collar about the animal's neck and dave miller read on its little name plate major well major at least we've got company now was miller's sigh of relief for a long time he was too busy with the dog to bother about the sobbing noises apparently the dog failed to hear them for he gave no sign miller scratched him behind the ear what should we do now major walk maybe your nose can smell out another friend for us they had gone hardly two blocks when it came to him that there was a more useful way of spending their time the library half convinced that the whole trouble stemmed from this suicide shot in the head which was conspicuously absent now he decided that a perusal of the surgery books in the public library might yield something he could use that way they bent their steps and were soon mounting the broad cement stairs of the building as they went beneath the brass turnstile the librarian caught miller's attention with a smiling glance he smiled back i'm trying to find something on brain surgery to explain i with a shock then he realized he'd been talking to himself in the next instant dave miller world a voice from the bookcase is chuckled if you find anything i wish you'd let me know i'm stumped myself from a corner of the room came an elderly half bald man with tangled gray brows and a ruleful smile a pencil was balanced over his ear and a notebook was clutched in his hand me too he said i had hoped i was the only one miller went forward hurriedly to grip his hands i'm afraid i'm not so unselfish he admitted i've been hoping for two hours that i'd run into some other poor soul quite understandable the stranger murmured sympathetically but in my case it is different you see i am responsible for this whole tragic business you dave miller built the word i i thought the man wagged his head staring at his notepad which was littered with jumbled calculations miller had a chance to study him he was tall heavily built with wide sturdy shoulders despite his 60 years oddly he wore a gray green spark his eyes narrowed and intent looked gimlet sharp beneath those toothbrush brows of his as he stared at the pad there's the trouble right there he muttered i provided only three stages of amplification whereas four would have been barely enough no wonder the phase didn't carry through i guess i don't follow you miller faltered you mean something you did i should think it was something i did the baldish stranger scratched this head with a tip of his pencil i'm john erickson you know the wanamaker institute miller said oh in an understanding voice erickson was head of wanamaker institute first laboratory of them all when it came to exploding atoms and blazing trails into the wilderness of science erickson's piercing eyes were suddenly boring into the younger man you've been sick haven't you he demanded well no not really sick the drug is colored i'll have to admit to being drunk a few hours ago though drunk erickson stuck his tongue in his cheek shook his head scowled no that would hardly do it there must have been something else the impulsor isn't that powerful i could understand about the dog poor fellow he must have been run over and i caught him just at the instant of passing from life to death oh dade miller lifted his head knowing now what erickson was driving at well i might as well be frank i'm i committed suicide that's how drunk i was there hasn't been a suicide in the miller family in centuries it took a skin full of liquor to set the precedent erickson nodded wisely perhaps we will find the precedent hasn't really been set but no matter his lifted hand stopped miller's eager wondering exclamation the point is young man we three are in a tough spot and it's up to us to get out of it and not only we but heaven knows how many others the world over would you maybe you can explain to my lay mind what's happened well or suggested of course forgive me you see mr miller dade miller david is i have a feeling we're going to be pretty well acquainted before this is over you see dave i'm a nut on so-called time theories i've seen time compared to everything from an entity to a long pink worm but i disagree with them all because they postulate the idea that time is constantly being manufactured such reasoning is fantastic time exists not as an ever-growing chain of links but because such a chain would have to have a tail end if it has a front end and who could imagine the period when time did not exist so i think time is like a circular train track unending we who live and die merely travel around on it the future exists simultaneously with the past for one instant when we meet miller's brain was humming erickson shot the words at him staccato fashion as if they were things known from great primer days the young druggist scratched his head you've got me licked he admitted i'm a stranger here myself well naturally you can't expect it to understand things i've been all my life puzzling about simplest way i can explain it is that we are on a train following this immense circular railway when the train reaches the point where it started it is about to plunge into the past but this is impossible because the point where it started is simply the caboose of the train and that point is always ahead and behind the time train now my idea was that with the proper stimulus a man could be thrust across the diameter of the circular railway to a point in his past because of the nature of time he could neither go ahead of the train to meet the future nor could he stand still and let the caboose catch up with him but he could detour across the circle and land farther back on the train and that my dear dave is what you and i and major have done almost almost miller said for sleep ericsson first his lips we are somewhere partway across the space between present and past we are living in an instant that can move neither forward nor back you and i dave and major and the lord knows how many others the world over have been thrust by my time impulsor onto a timeless breach of eternity we have been caught in time's backwash castaways you might say an objection clamored for attention in miller's mind but if this is so where are the rest of them where is my wife they are right here ericsson explained no doubt you could see your wife if you could find her but we see them as statues because for us time no longer exists but there was something i did not count on i did not know that it would be possible to live in one small instant of time as we are doing and i did not know that only those who are hovering between life and death can deviate from the normal process of time you mean we're dead miller's voice with a bitter monotone obviously not we're talking and moving aren't we but we are on the fence when i gave my impulsor the jolt of high power it went wrong and i think something must have happened to me at the same instant you had shot yourself perhaps dave you are dying the only way for us to find out is to try to get the machine working and topple ourselves one way or the other if we fall back we will all live if we fall into the present we may die either way it's better than this miller said fervently i came to the library here hoping to find out the things i must know my own books are locked in my study and these they might be cemented in their places for all their use to me i suppose we might as well go back to the lab miller nodded murmuring maybe you'll get an idea when you look at the machine again let's hope so said erickson grimley god knows i've failed so far chapter three splendid sacrifice it was a solid hour's walk out to west wolfshire where the laboratory was the immense bronze and glass doors of watermaker institute were closed and so barred to the two men but erickson led the way down the side we can get in in a service store then we climbed through transoms and ventilators until we get to my lab major frist along beside them he was enjoying the action and the companionship it was less of an adventure to miller who knew that might be ahead for the three of them two workmen were moving a heavy cabinet in the science service store to get in they climbed up the back of the rear workmen walked across the cabinet and scaled down the front of the leading man they went up the stairs to the 15th floor here they crawled through a transom into the wingmark experimental enter only by appointment major was helped through it then they were crawling along the dark metal tunnel of an air conditioning ventilator it was small and took some wriggling in the next room they were confronted by a stern receptionist on whose desk was a little brass sign reading have you an appointment miller had had a share of experience with receptionist ways in his days as a pharmaceutical salesman he took the greatest pleasure now in lighting his cigarettes from a match struck on the girl's nose then he blew the smoke in her face and hastened to crawl through the final transom john erickson's laboratory was well lighted by a glass brick wall and a huge skylight the sun's rays glanted on the time impulsor the scientist explained the impulsor in concise terms when he had finished dave miller knew just as little as before and the outfit still resembled three transformers in a line of the type seen on power poles connected to a great bronze globe hanging from the ceiling there's the monster that put us in this flight erickson grunted too strong to be legal too weak to do the job right take a good look with his hands jammed in his pockets he found at the complex machinery miller stared a few minutes then transferred his interest to other things in the room he was immediately struck by the resemblance of a transformer in a far corner to the ones lined up with the impulsor what's that he asked quickly looks the same as the ones you used over there it is but didn't you say all you need it was another stage of power that's right maybe i'm crazy miller stared from impulsor to transformer and back again why don't you use it then using what for connection erickson's eyes gently mocked him wire of course the scientists jerked the thumb a small bale of heavy copper wire bring it over and we'll try it miller was halfway to it when he brought up short then a sheepish grin spread over his features i get it he chuckled that bale of wire might be the empire state building as far as we're concerned forgive my stupidity erickson suddenly became serious i'd like to be optimistic Dave he muttered but in all fairness to you i must tell you i see no way out of this the machine is of course still working and with that extra stage of power the uncertainty would be over but where in this world of immovable things where we find a piece of wire 25 feet long there was a warm moist sensation against miller's hand and when he looked down major stared up at him commiseratingly miller scratched him behind the ear and the dog closed his eyes reassured and happy the young druggist sighed wishing there were some giant hand to scratch him behind the ear and smooth his troubles over and if we don't get out he said soberly well star if i suppose no i don't think it will be that quick i haven't felt any hunger i don't expect to after all our bodies are still living in one instant of time and a man can't work up a healthy appetite in one second of course this elastic second business precludes the possibility of disease our bodies must go on unchanged the only hope i see is when we are on the verge of madness suicide that means jumping off a bridge i suppose poison guns knives all the usual wherewithal are denied to us black despair closed down on dade miller he thrust it back forcing a crooked grin let's make a bargain he offered when we finished pooling around with this apparatus we split up we'll only be at each other's throat if we stick together i'll be blaming you for my flight and i don't want to it's my fault as much as yours how about it john ericsson gripped his hand you're all right dade let me give you some advice if ever you do get back to the present keep away from liquor and the irish never did mix you'll have that store on its feet again in no time thanks others said perfectly and i think i can promise that nothing less than a whiskey antidote for snake bite will ever make me bend an elbow again for the next couple of hours despondency reigned in the laboratory but it was soon to be deposed again by hope despite all of ericsson's scientific training it was dade miller himself who grasped the down-to-earth idea that started them hoping again he was walking about the lab jingling keys in his pocket when suddenly he stopped short he jerked the ring of keys into his hand ericsson he gasped we've been blind look at this the scientist looked but he remained puzzled well yes epically there's our wire dade miller exclaimed you've got keys i've got keys we've got coins knives wristwatches why can't we lay them all end to end ericsson's features looked as if they had been electrically shocked you hit it he cried if we've got enough with one accord they began emptying their pockets carrying off wristwatches searching for pencils the finds made a little heat in the middle of the floor ericsson led his long fingers claw through thinning hair god give us enough we'll only need the one wire the thing is plugged in already and only the positive hole has to be connected to the globe come on scooping up the assortment of metal articles they rushed across the room with his pocket knife dade miller began breaking up the metal wristwatch straps opening the links out so they could be laid end-to-end for the greatest possible length they patiently broke the watches to pieces and of the junk they garnered made a ragged foot and a half of wire their coins stretched the lines still further they had 10 feet covered before the stuff was half used up their metal pencils taken apart gave them a good two feet keychains helped generously with 18 feet covered their progress began to slow down perspiration poured down miller's face desperately he tore off his lodge ring and cut it in two to pound it flat from garters and suspenders they want a few inches more and then they stopped feet from their gold miller groan he tossed his pocket knife in his hand we can get a foot out of this he estimated but that still leads us way short abruptly erickson snapped his fingers shoes he asked they're full of nails get to work with that knife dave we'll cut out every one of them in 10 minutes the shoes were reduced to ragged piles of tattered leather erickson's deaf fingers painstakingly placed the nails one by one in the line the distance left to cover was less than six inches it lined up the last few nails then both men were sinking back on their heels as they saw there was a gap of three inches to cover beaten erickson ground out by three inches three inches from the present and yet it might as well be a million miles miller's body felt as though it were in a vise his muscles ached with strain so taught were his nerves that he leaned as though stung when major nuzzled a cool nose into his hand again automatically he began to stroke the dog's neck well that licks us he muttered there isn't another piece of movable metal in the world major kept whimpering and pushing against him annoyed the druggist shoved him away go away he muttered i don't feel like suddenly then his eyes widen as his touch encountered warm metal he whirled there it is he held the last link the name plate on major's collar in a flash he had torn the little rectangular brass plate from the dog collar erickson took it from his grasp sweat stood shiny on his skin he held the bit of metal over the gap between wire and pole this is it he smiled brutally we're on our way Dave where i don't know to death or back to life but we're going the metal clinked into place live writhing power leaped through the wire snarling across partial breaks the transformers began to hum the humming grew louder singing softly the browns globe over their heads glowed green Dave Miller felt a curious lightness there was a snap in his brain and erickson major and the laboratory faded from his senses then came an interval when the only sound was the soft sobbing he had been hearing as if in a dream that and blackness that unfolded him like soft velvet then Miller was opening his eyes to see the familiar walls of his own kitchen around him someone cried out Dave oh Dave dear it was Helen's voice and it was Helen who cradled his head in her lap and bent her face close to his oh thank god that you're alive Helen Miller murmured what are you doing here i couldn't go through with it i i just couldn't leave you i came back and and i heard the shot and ran in the doctor should be here i called him five minutes ago five minutes how long has it been since i shot myself oh just six or seven minutes i called the doctor right away Miller took a deep breath then it must have been a dream all that to happen in a few minutes it wasn't possible how could i have botched the job he muttered i wasn't drunk enough to miss myself completely Helen looked at the huge revolver lying in the sink oh that old 45 a grandfather's it hasn't been loaded since the civil war i guess the powder got damp or something it just sort of sputtered instead of exploding properly Dave promise me something you won't ever do anything like this again if i promise not to nag you Dave Miller closed his eyes there won't be any need to nag Helen some people take a lot of teaching but i've had my lesson i've got ideas about the store which i've been too lazy to try out you know i feel more like fighting right now than i have for years we'll lick them won't we honey Helen buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder and cried softly her words were too muffled to be intelligible but Dave Miller understood what she meant he had thought the whole thing a dream John Erickson the time impulsor and major but that night he read an item in the evening courier that was to keep in thinking for many days police investigate death of scientists here in laboratory John M. Erickson director of the Wanamaker Institute died at work last night Erickson was a beloved invaluable figure in the world of science famous for his recently publicized time lapse theory two strange circumstances surrounded his death one was the presence of a german shepherd dog in the laboratory its head crushed as if with a sledgehammer the other was a chain of small metal objects stretching from one corner of the room to the other as if intended to take the place of wire in a circuit police however discount this idea as there was a roll of wire only a few feet from the body the end the day time stopped moving by Bradner Buckford recording by Tom Weiss earthmen bearing gifts this is a livervox recording all livervox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit livervox.org recording by Alan Winteroud earthmen bearing gifts by Frederick Brown Darry sat alone in his room meditating from outside the door he caught a thought wave equivalent to a knock and glancing at the door he willed it to slide open it opened enter my friend he said he could have projected the idea telepathically but with only two persons present speech was more polite he's on key entered you are up late tonight my leader he said yes key within an hour the earth rocket is due to land and i wish to see it yes i know it will land a thousand miles away if their calculations are correct beyond the horizon but if it lands even twice that far the flash of the atomic explosion should be visible and i have waited long for first contact for even though no earth man will be on that rocket it will still be first contact for them of course our telepath teams have been reading their thoughts for many centuries but this will be the first physical contact between mars and earth key made himself comfortable on one of the low chairs true he said i have not followed recent reports too closely though why are they using an atomic warhead i know they suppose our planet is uninhabited but still they will watch the flash through their lunar telescopes and get a what do they call it a spectroscopic analysis that will tell them more than they know now or think they know much of it is erroneous about the atmosphere of our planet and the composition of its surface it is call it a sighting shot key they'll be here in person within a few oppositions and then mars was holding out waiting for earth to come what was left of mars that is this one small city of about 900 beings the civilization of mars was older than that of earth but it was a dying one this was what remained of it one city 900 people they were waiting for earth to make contact for a selfish reason and for an unselfish one martian civilization had developed in a quite different direction from that of earth it had developed no important knowledge of the physical sciences no technology but it had developed social sciences to the point where there had not been a single crime let alone a war on mars for 50 000 years and it had developed fully the parapsychological sciences of the mind which earth was just beginning to discover mars could teach earth much how to avoid crime and war to begin with beyond those simple things lay telepathy telekinesis empathy and earth would mars hope teach them something even more valuable to mars how by science and technology which was too late for mars to develop now even if they had the type of minds which would enable them to develop these things to restore and rehabilitate a dying planet so that an otherwise dying race might live and multiply again each planet would gain greatly and neither would lose and tonight was the night when earth would make its first sighting shot its next shot a rocket containing earth men or at least an earth man would be at the next opposition two earth years or roughly four martian years hence the martians knew this because their teams of telepaths were able to catch at least some of the thoughts of earth men enough to know their plans unfortunately at that distance the connection was one way mars could not ask earth to hurry its program or tell earth scientists the facts about mars composition and atmosphere which would have made this preliminary shot unnecessary tonight re the leader as nearly as the martian word can be translated and key his administrative assistant and closest friend sat and meditated together until the time was near then they drank a toast at a future in a beverage based on menthol which had the same effect on martians as alcohol on earth men and climbed to the roof of the building in which they had been sitting they watched towards the north where the rocket should land the stars shone brilliantly and unwinkingly through the atmosphere in observatory number one on earth's moon raj everett his eye at the eyepiece of the spotter scope said triumphantly there she blew willy and now as soon as the films are developed we'll know the score on that old planet mars he straightened up there'd be no more to see now and he and willy sanger shook hands solemnly it was an historical occasion hope it didn't kill anybody any martians that is raj did it hit dead center in certis major near as matters i'd say was maybe a thousand miles off to the south and that's damn close on a 50 million mile shot willy do you really think there are any martians willy thought a second and then said no he was right end of earth men bearing gifts by frederick brown recording by alan winteroud boomcoach.blogspot.com


A climate activist named Dawn, broke into a museum just before Dawn, glued her butt to a famous painting and proclaimed, the world will finally come to their senses and yield at the crack of Dawn. The police took action very politely. She then took her threat a step further, pulling out food cans. Not throwing soup on the painting, but instead eating five cans of extra spicy chili. Alright, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no... From anyone. No? We don't take no prisoners. We don't take no for an answer. Oh yeah, we don't take no for an answer.  One little heavy on the pine tree perfume there, kid. Sir, it's a taxi cab air freshener. Great, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it off. Police officials debated their options. I'm with you.  Whatever. She's got a way with words. After some debate, the world properly seized all fossil fuel production. And I am sorry to say that the world has become a rainy bunch version of itself.  After realizing we could power the entire world using solely the energy fired out of the crack of Dawn. Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call preparation H. But wait, that's silly. Can't save the world from global warming by using cow emissions. Yes, Frau. On the whole, I think preparation H feels good.


I remind members that social distancing measures are in place in the chamber and across the Holyrood campus, and I ask that members take care to observe those measures, including when entering and exiting the chamber. Please only use the aisles and walkways to access your seat and when moving around the chamber. The first item of business is general questions. In order to get in as many people as possible, I prefer short, answer-synced questions and answers to match, and I call Mark Griffin. When will the next meeting with the Scottish Government meet COSLA to discuss local authority funding? I most recently met the COSLA resources spokesperson, councillor Gail MacGregor, yesterday, on 8 September to discuss the forthcoming resource spending review, and we will continue to meet with COSLA on local authority funding on a regular basis to cover a range of topics, including funding, up to and beyond the publication of the Scottish Government budget. Mark Griffin, I thank the cabinet secretary for that answer. The cabinet secretary knows that school catering, cleaning and janitorial staff are balloting on strike action all of local government pay.  Last week, the cabinet secretary for France stated that government are not direct employers of local government staff and have no role in paying negotiations, ignoring the Government interventions on teachers' pay. It is vital that the Government avert strike action so that schools and universities can stay open. Can the cabinet secretary say when she will get round the table and make a commitment to fund the pay award that those key workers deserve? I agree with Mark Griffin that those workers are heroic. They have gone to heroic lengths over the pandemic, and day in and day out they serve our citizens, not least our children, in our schools. We are hugely grateful for their efforts, but, as I have said in the past, I will repeat today, pay for local government staff except for teachers is negotiated between the trade unions and COSLA through the Scottish Joint Committee. We have not been a member of the SGC. We have never taken part in those negotiations, and we do not intend to start getting involved now. Both I and the First Minister have met COSLA to discuss this matter, and on each occasion we have been explicitly clear that the budget has been fully deployed and that negotiating as an employer is for COSLA. To ask the Scottish Government what discussions it has had with Orkney Islands Council regarding the procurement of low-emissions ferries to replace the current internal fleet. I met Orkney Islands Council in Kirkwall last month, and I heard about their plans to reduce low-emissions ferries. I welcomed those plans, but I made clear that, as Mr MacArthur knows, the responsibility for their inter-island ferry services, including the procurement of replacement vessels, sits with the local authority. However, we recognise the pressures that that brings, which is why the Scottish Government's 2122 budget includes £19.2 million for local authorities operating ferries and an increase of £7.7 million in the past year. As the cabinet secretary will know from his recent visit, Orkney's internal ferry service relies on ageing vessels that are costly to run, damaging to the environment and no longer fit for purpose. The service already falls below the minimum standard set in the Government's own ferries plan. What people in Orkney want to know is how and when new ferries will actually be delivered. Can the cabinet secretary clarify how the welcome commitment in the programme for government to carbon neutral islands by 2040 and low-emissions ferries by 2032 will pave the way to island communities in my constituency getting the ferry services that we deserve? I appreciate the promotion as well. We have a record of where it is possible to assist in our island authorities with issues such as the number that we will remember in 2019. We helped to fund the replacement of the MV Golden Mariana. As he knows, replacement of vessels is the responsibility of the Alliance for Orkney Islands Council. However, I recognise that, like ourselves, they face budget repressions and we have a shared decarbonisation agenda. Therefore, I am willing to explore what could be done to assist them in the form of removing or at least substantially reducing costs at the design phase by virtually humming a small number of standardised designs created and available to them. We have had initial conversations with Orkney in that regard. The situation in Orkney is very little different to that elsewhere in Scotland. The minister is well aware of that. When are we going to see a meaningful plan to start replacing Scotland's ageing ferry fleet on the west coast and in Orkney? With the greatest respect, Mr Simpson is not paying attention. There is a ferry plan for the Government-responsible ferries that is in place. It involves, for example, the placement of freight vessels to the Northern Isles, as well as ferries in the western part of the country. If he has not spotted that, I will write to him with the detail. To ask the Scottish Government whether it will provide an update on its consideration of removing the not-proven verdict. As we set out in the programme for government earlier this week, during this year, the Government will launch a public consultation on the three verdict system. I thank the cabinet secretary for that answer. This is so important for my constituents, the family of Scott French, who died horrifically last year. The person accused of his murder was effectively acquitted with a not-proven verdict, and the family believed, given the substantial evidence available, that the not-proven verdict left them in limbo and appeared to be in acceptance that there was merit in the charges without the consequences. Can the minister therefore confirm that the views of victims of crime, particularly those where not-proven was returned, will inform the consultation and ensure it is scrapped as quickly as possible? I thank the member for his question. As he will know, it is not appropriate for me to comment on individual cases, although, of course, I am sorry to hear that his constituents felt that the not-proven verdict left them in limbo in the way that he describes. I have said before in his chamber that I recognise that there is a strong case that has been made for the abolition of the not-proven verdict, but those are complex issues, and many stakeholders believe that the third verdict should be retained or that they highlight the interconnectedness of the system. It is right that we consider the consultation responses carefully before we weigh all the evidence and reach a decision on these important matters, but I am happy to confirm that, just as a broad range of stakeholders, including victims and survivors, played an important role in last year's engagement events on the findings of the independent jury research, we will continue to take an open and consultative approach going forward. As part of the wider public consultation, we will seek to capture the views of a broad range of stakeholders, including legal professionals, the third sector and those with lived experience of the system. Jamie Greene A consultation is all well and good, but the Justice Committee of the Parliament back in 2016 said that the not-proven verdict was on borrowed time. That was five years ago, so what comfort can you offer those who feel that the not-proven verdict is intrinsically unfair? Some comfort that this session of Parliament will finally deal with it through legislation and not kick it into the long grass. It is time to resolve the centuries-old controversy over the Scottish legal system. I suppose that Jamie Greene highlights the difference between opposition and Government. Opposition can demand those things, of course it can, but the Government has a responsibility to take on board the views of stakeholders and to make sure that, if there is legislation that follows from that, it is sustainable and well-founded legislation. It is right that we take in the views of the legal profession. Indeed, many of the people in his own backbenches and across the chamber have reservations about the abolition of the verdict, and it is right that we hear those views. That is a sensible way to proceed. To ask the Scottish Government whether it will provide an update on its position on new oil and gas licences in the North Sea. The Scottish Government's position remains the same. Recognising that offshore licensing is reserved, we are calling on the UK Government to commit to reassessing licences already issued, but where field development has not yet commenced. The future of the North Sea must be a positive part of our just transition to net zero through offshore energy integration, including renewable energy generation, hydrogen production and carbon capture utilisation and storage. Our just transition plan for energy will involve working closely with the sector to seize the economic opportunities that these technologies present while playing our part in the global energy challenge and making sure that we have a just transition. The hard fact is that early closure of domestic production before we are able to meet all demand from zero carbon sources would be likely to increase emissions. A significant proportion of the oil that would then require to be imported has a higher carbon intensity than UK production. Not my words, cabinet secretary, but those of the First Minister do you agree? A member needs to recognise that the Scottish Government is not suggesting that oil and gas production should stop, but it cannot be business as usual given the climate emergency that we face, which is why we need an emergency response to those issues. It is key to helping to support the industry in making that transition, to assist it in being able to move towards technologies that reduce the carbon output of the oil and gas sector. A very good example of that is carbon capture, utilisation and storage. A project Peterhead acorn, which has been under stocks for years now, which the UK Government has continually refused to approve to, will have a leading role in helping to decarbonise the sector. That is why I would hope that all those MSPs from the north-east would get behind the acorn project and call upon the UK Government to take action and to give it approval to allow it to go ahead and to help to decarbonise the sector. Sorry, on a point of order, Tess White, just thank you, Ms White. Point of order, Presiding Officer. The cabinet secretary pointed directly at me. I think that that is inappropriate. Members will be aware of the importance of treating one another at all times with courtesy and respect. We move on to question number six, Liam Kerr. To ask the Scottish Government what steps it is taking to mitigate coastal erosion. We are making available a new £12 million capital budget over the four years from 2022-23 for coastal change adaptation and resilience. I recently launched the dynamic coast 2 project in Montrose. That project helps to identify where the greatest risks from coastal erosion and sea level rise are, this decade and in the future, and also the global climate challenge that we face. We are producing guidance to help local authorities to respond to those risks and prepare coastal change adaptation plans at a local level. In 2016, a major flood study said that there was a clear and present danger to Montrose roads, properties and the railway between Aberdeen and Dundee. That was endorsed by the cabinet secretary's predecessor, Roseanna Cunningham. At the cabinet secretary's photo op in Montrose last week, one of his local councillors stated that action needs to be taken in the next five years. What has changed since 2016 that pushed action back to 2026? Will the cabinet secretary confirm that the people of the Angus coast will be an urgent priority for the next round of flood risk management funding in the next 12 months? I am very well aware of the concerns and issues that are around Montrose because it has been raised with me on a regular basis by the local constituency member, Mary Gougeon. The impact that has directly on her constituents, as it does on the member's constituents, is directly why we commissioned the dynamic study, not to identify the nature and scale of the challenges that we face around coastal erosion in different parts of the country, including in Montrose. The funding that we are making available is a project that we are helping to support to look at how we can take forward direct action in areas where there is need for measures to be implemented to reduce the risk of coastal erosion. The impact that that has on local flooding in local areas, such as the risk that it poses in Montrose, is that we will continue to work with local authorities to make sure that that funding is used in such a way that it maximises the impact that it has and also helps to reduce the risk of local flooding in local areas. Does the Scottish Government what steps it has taken to increase capacity on ferries on the west coast routes? As the member is aware, passenger capacity has increased with the removal of physical distancing on August 9. We have also actively explored opportunities for chartering additional vessels and secured the MVRO to enhance the existing fleet, providing lifeline ferry services. We are of course also continuing on the procurement of a new vessel for the Isle of service, as well as seven new ships under the small vessel replacement programme, and we will work on new vessels for the group to denune and kill cregan services. Our island communities in the west have suffered for a number of years due to lack of capacity and reliable ferries. This year, the addition of Covid-19 has taken the service to breaking point with many people unable to travel. It is unacceptable that it damages the economy and blights lives. The Scottish Government would have so far failed to increase capacity. I would like to ask what steps it is now taking to procure additional capacity over and above that, provided by the MVRO, in the short term, to alleviate those communities' issues. Presiding Officer, as I indicated during the member's debate on Tuesday night, work on securing additional second-hand tonnage to alleviate some of the pressures that we face on the network is constant. I can share with the chamber the fact that, as we speak, senior representatives of Seamall and CalMac are out of the country actively assessing a vessel with a view to purchase. If we get that over the line, it will have a degree of positive cascade effect across the network and, additionally, create the potential for us to be heading into the next summer season with a backup vessel standing by to cover any issues that arise. I am sure that the member will welcome that news. Emma Roddick Can I ask the minister how much the Scottish Government has invested in ferry operations and infrastructure since 2007? The Scottish Government has invested in excess of £2.2 billion in the Clyde and Hebrides ferry services, Northern Isles ferry services and ferry infrastructure since 2007. We have also delivered a number of new routes as well, but I do not hide from the fact that we need to do more. Hence the reason why we have the £580 million funding stream to deliver new ferries and harbour infrastructure, and we are in the process of delivering on that. To ask the Scottish Government how it monitors the impacts of riverbank erosion and what support it provides for those who are affected by it. The Scottish Environment Protection Agency is responsible for monitoring rivers to assess their ecological status, including physical habitat conditions. Local authorities also monitor rivers in relation to flood risk and work with relevant transport agencies as regards riverbank erosion on transport infrastructure. We are all responsible for protecting our land and property from the impacts of riverbank erosion, and the Scottish Government and SIPA provide helpful advice and guidance on how to minimise riverbank erosion and how to best protect our land. Willie Coffey. I thank the minister for that answer. The impact of this for some residents in Fennick in my constituency is pretty severe and getting steadily worse over recent years with climate change impacts. Their property and gardens are literally sliding into the adjoining river bit by bit, and the engineering solution is required to shore up the riverbanks as substantial and beyond their ability to afford it. Is the Government aware of the issue across Scotland and would be considered a scheme to help many people who find themselves in this situation, which is not what they are making? I entirely understand the member's concerns about the difficulties faced by his constituents and the risks to their homes and gardens from riverbank erosion, particularly given recent distress caused by flooding in Kilmarnock. The current position, as I said, is that homeowners are responsible for protecting their property. However, if the member wishes to write to me with more details of the situation, I will give it further consideration, given the wider implications of the issue across Scotland. I will also seek an update from SIPA on its interactions with local authorities to gauge the impact of riverbank erosion on homeowners in Scotland. Thank you. That concludes general questions.