Book 7, Chapter 7 of Camilla. The triumph of pride. The three sisters were retired, at night, to another council in the room of Camilla, and Molly Mill, with a look of dismay, burst in upon them, bringing, with the answer of Sir Saddley, news that Tommy Hod, by an accident he could not help, had rude the halls she had borrowed for him of the undergroom to death. The dismay now spread equally to them all. What a tale would this misfortune unfold to Sir Hugh, to Edgar, to the whole house. The depth of Lionel, the correspondence with Sir Saddley, the expectations of the young baronet, Camilla could not support it. She sent for Jacob to own to him the affair, and beg his assistance. Jacob, though getting into bed, obeyed the call. He was, however, so much irritated at the loss of the horse, and the boldness of the undergroom, in lending him without leave, that, at first, he would listen to no entreaties, and protested that both the boy and Molly Mill should be complained of to his master. The eloquence, however, of his three young mistresses, for so all the nieces of Sir Hugh were called by the servants at Cleves, soon softened his ire. He almost adored his master, and was affectionately attached to the young family. They begged him, therefore, to buy another horse, as alike it as possible, and to contrive not to employ it when Sir Hugh was in sight, till they were able to clear up the history to their uncle themselves. This would not be difficult, as the baronet rarely visited his table since his fall, from the melancholy with which he was filled by the sight of his horses. There was to be a fair for cattle in the neighbourhood the next day, and Jacob promised right over to see what bargain he could make for them. They then inquired about what money would be necessary for the purchase. The cost, he said, of poor Tom Jones was forty pounds. Camilla held up her hands, almost screaming. Eugenia, with more presence of mind, said they would see him again in the morning before he went, and then told Molly Mill to wait for her in her own room. What can I now do? cried Camilla. I would not add the history of this dreadful expense to the sad tale I have already to relate to Edgar for the universe. To begin my career by such a string of humiliations would be insupportable. Already I owe five guiness to Mrs. Aubrey, which the tumult of my mind since my return has prevented me from naming to my uncle, and I have left debts at Tunbridge that will probably take up all my next quarter's allowance. As far as these three guinesses will go, said Lavigne, taking out her purse, here, my dearest Camilla, they are, but how little that is. I never before thought my pittance too small, yet how well we all know my dear father cannot augment it. Eugenia, who, in haste, had stepped to her own room, now came back and putting twenty guinesses into the hand of Camilla, said, This, my beloved sister, is all I now have by me. Your Jacob is rich and good, and will rejoice to pay the rest for us at present, and I shall very soon reimburse him, for my uncle has insisted upon making me a very considerable present, which I shall now no longer refuse. Camilla burst into tears, and, hanging about their necks, Oh, my sisters, she cried, What goodness is yours? But how can I avail myself of it with any justice? Your three guinesses, my Lavigne, your little all, how can I bear to take? Do not teach me to repine, my dear Camilla, that I have no more. I am sure of being remembered by my uncle on the approaching occasions, and I can never, therefore, better spare my little store. You are all kindness, and you, my dear Eugenia, though you have more, have claims upon that more, and are both expected and used to answer them. Yes, I have indeed more, interrupted Eugenia, which only sisters good as mine could pardon. But because my uncle has made me his heiress, has he made me a brute? No, whatever I have must be amongst us all in common, not only now, but— She stopped, affrighted at the idea she was presenting to herself, and fervently clasping her hands, exclaimed, Oh, long, long may it be, I can show my sisters all I feel for them. They will believe it, I am sure, and that is far happier. The idea, this raised, struck them all, at the same moment, to the heart. Not one of them had dry eyes, and with a sadness overpowering every other consideration, they sighed as heavily, and with looks as disconsolate, as if the uncle so dear to them were already no more. The influence of parts, the predominance of knowledge, the honor of learning, the captivation of talents, and even the charm of fame itself all shrink in their effects before the superior force of goodness, even where most simple and uncultivated for power over the social affections. At an early hour the next morning the commission with the twenty guineas in hand, and the promise of the rest in a short time, were given to Jacob, and Camilla then begged permission of her father, and the carriage of her uncle, to visit Mrs. Ombry, who, she had heard, was just returned to the grove. Concluding she wished to be the messenger of her own affairs to that lady, they made no opposition, and she set off before eight o'clock, without entering the parlor where Edgar, she was informed, was already arrived for breakfast. The little journey was terrible to her. Scenes of disappointment and despair on the part of Sir Saddley were anticipated by her alarmed imagination, and she reproached herself for every word she had ever spoken, every look she had ever given, that could have raised any presumption of her regard. The last note was written in the style of all the others, and not one ever expressed the smallest doubt of success. How dreadful then to break to him such news, at the very moment he might imagine she came to meet him with partial pleasure. Mrs. Ombry was not yet risen. Camilla inquired, stammering, if any company were at the house. None was the answer. She then begged leave to walk in the garden, till Mrs. Ombry came downstairs. She was not sorry to miss her. She dreaded her yet more than Sir Saddley himself, and hoped to see him alone. Nevertheless, she remained a fool hour in waiting, ruminating upon the wonder her disappearance would give to Edgar, and nearly persuaded some chance had anticipated her account to Sir Saddley, whose rage and grief were too violent to suffer him to keep his appointment. This idea served but to add to her perturbation, when, at last, she saw him enter the garden. All presence of mind then for sugar. She looked around to see if she could escape, but his approach was too quick for avoidance. Her eyes, unable to encounter his, were bent upon the ground, and she stood still and even trembling, till he reached her. To the prepossessed notions and vain character of Sir Saddley, these were symptoms by no means discouraging. With a confidence almost amounting to arrogance he advanced, pitting her distress, yet pitting himself still more for the snare in which it was involving him. He permitted his eyes for a moment to fasten upon her, to admire her, and to enjoy triumphantly her confusion in silence. Ah, beauty of tyrant! he then cried. If this instant were less inappreciable, in what language could I upgrade thy unexampled abuse of power, thy lacerating barbarity? He then, almost by force, took her hand. She struggled eagerly to recover it, but, no, he cried, fair torturer, it is now my prisoner, and must be punished for its inhuman sins. In the congening and unmerciful lines it has portrayed for me. And then, regardless of her resistance, which he attributed to me a bashfulness, he obstinately and incessantly devoured it with kisses. In defiance of opposition, supplication, or anger, till, suddenly and piercingly, she startled him with a scream and snatched it away with a force irresistible. Amazed he stared at her. Her face was almost convulsed with emotion. But her eyes, which appeared to be fixed, directed him to the cause. At the bottom of the walk, which was only a few yards distant, stood Mendelbert. Pale and motionless, he looked as if bereft of strength and faculties. Camilla had seen him the moment she raised her eyes, and her horror was uncontrollable. Sir Sedley, astonished at what he beheld, astonished what to think, drew back with a supercilious kind of bow. Edgar, recalled by what he thought insolence to his recollection, advanced a few steps, and addressing himself to Camilla, said, I had the commands of Sir Hugh to pursue you, Miss Tyreld, to give you immediate notice that Mr. Linmayer is arrived. He added no more, deigned not a look at Sir Sedley, but rapidly retreated, remounted his horse, and galloped off. Camilla looked after him till he was out of sight, with a plifth at hands and eyes, deploring his departure, his mistake, and his resentment, without courage to attempt stopping him. Sir Sedley stood suspended, how to act, what to judge. If Edgar's was the displeasure of a discarded lover, why should it so affect Camilla? If of a successful one, why came she to meet him? Why had she received and answered his notes? Finding she attempted neither to speak nor move, he again approached her, and, saying, fair incomprehensible, would again have taken her hand. But rousing to a sense of a situation, she drew back, and with some dignity, but more agitation, cried, Sir Sedley, I blush if I am culpable of any part of your mistake, but suffer me now to be explicit, and let me be fully, finally, and not too late understood. You must write to me no more. I cannot answer nor read your letters. You must speak to me no more, except in public society. You must go further, Sir Sedley. You must think of me no more.  No, no, you will soon, easily, readily forget me. Inhuman! You make me unhappy past thought. Indeed I am inexpressibly concerned, but the whole affair.   By investing me fair barbarian, with the temerity of forming any claim that can call for repulse? Utterly confounded by so unexpected a disclaiming of all design, she again, though from far different sensations, cast up her eyes and hands. And is it, she thought, for a trifle such as this, so unmeaning, so unfeeling, I have risked my whole of hope and happiness? She said, however, no more, for what more could be said? She collared, passed him, and hastily quitting the garden, told the footmen to apologize to Mrs. Albury for her sudden departure, by informing her that a near-relation was just arrived from a bird, and then got into the carriage and drove back to Cleves. Sir Sedley followed carelessly, yet without aiming at overtaking her, and intruded, negligently, to be heard, yet said nothing which required the smallest answer. Picked completely and mortified to the quick, by the conviction which now broke in upon him of the superior ascendance of Mendelbert, he could not brook to have been thought in earnest when he saw he should not have been accepted, nor pardon his own vanity, the affront it had brought upon his pride. He sung aloud an opera-air till the carriage of Sir Hugh was out of sight, and then drove his faton to Clarendall Place, where he instantly ordered his post-jays, and in less than an hour set off on a tour to the Hiperdees. CHAPTER VIII A summons to happiness Camilla had but just set out from Cleves when Sir Hugh, consulting his weathercocks, which a new chain of ideas had made him forget to examine, saw that the wind was fairer for the voyage of his nephew, and heard upon inquiry that the favorable change had taken place the preceding day, though the general confusion of the house had prevented it from being heeded by any of the family. With eagerness the most excessive, he went to the room of Eugenia, and bid her put on a smart hat to walk out with him, forming as there was no knowing how soon a certain person might arrive. Eugenia, colouring, said she would rather stay within. Well, cried he, you'll be neater to be sure, for not blowing about in the wind, so I'll go take the other girls. Eugenia left alone became exceedingly flattered. She could not bear to remain in the house under the notion of so degrading a consideration, as owing any advantage to outward appearance, and fearing her uncle, in his extreme openness should give that reason for her not walking. She determined to take a stroll by herself in the park. She bent her steps towards the small wood at some distance from the house, where she meant to rest herself and read, for she had learned of Dr. Orkborn never to be unprovided with the book, but she had not yet reached her place of intended repose, when the sound of feet made her turn round, and her utter consternation she saw a young man, whose boots, whip, and foreign air announced instantly to be Clermont-Lynmer. She doubted not but he was sent in pursuit of her, and though youthful timidity prompted her to shun him, she retained sufficient command over herself to check it, and to stop till he came up to her, while he, neither quickening nor slackening his pace as he approached past her, with so little attention that she was presently convinced he had scarce even perceived her. Disconcerted by a meeting so strange and so ill-timed, she involuntarily stood still, without any other power than that of looking after him. In a few minutes Molly-Mill, running up to her, cried, Dear Miss, have not you seen young Mr. Linmer? He come but the other way, just as Master and Miss Margland and Miss Linmer and Miss Tyrol was gone to meet him by the Great Gate, and so he said he'd come and look who he could find himself. Eugenia had merely voiced to order her back. The notion of having a figure so insignificant as to be passed, without even exciting a doubt she might be, was cruelly mortifying. She knew not how to return to the house and relate such an incident. She sat down under a tree to recollect herself. Presently, however, she saw the stranger turn quick about, and before she could rise, slightly touching his hat without looking at her. Pray, ma'am, he said, do you belong to that house? According to the mansion of Sir Yu, faintly she answered, Yes, sir. And he then added, I'm just arrived, and in search of Sir Yu and the young ladies. One of them they told me was this way, but I can't trace nobody. Have you seen any of them? More and more confounded she could make no reply, inattentive to her embarrassment and still looking every way around, he repeated his question. She then pointed towards the great gate, stammering. She believed they went that way. Thank you, he answered with a nod, and then hurried off. She now thought no more of moving nor of rising. She felt a kind of stupor, in which, fixed and without reflection, she remained till startled by the sound of her uncle's voice. She got up, made what haste she was able to the house by a private path, and ascended to her own room by a back staircase. That an interview to which she had so long looked forward, for which, with unwearied acidity, she had so many years labored to prepare herself, and which was the declared precursor of the most important era of her life, should pass over so abruptly, and be circumstances so awkwardly, equally dispirited, and confused her.   Come, Miss, I hope you'd put on something else, for that hat makes you look worse than anything. I would not have the young squire see you such a figure for never so much. The artlessness of unadorned truth, however sure in theory of extorting administration, barely in practice fails inflicting pain or mortification. The simple honesty of Molly redoubled the chagrin of her young mistress, who sending her away, went anxiously to find the looking-glass, whence in a few moments she perceived her uncle from the window, laughing and making significant signs to someone out of her sight. Extremely ashamed to be so surprised, she retreated to the other end of the room, though not till she had heard Sir Yuke say, Aye, aye, she's getting ready for you. I told you why she would not walk out with us, so don't let's hurry her, though I can't, but commend your being a little impatient, which I dare say, so is she. Only young girls can't so well talk about it. Eugenia now found that Clermont had no suspicion he had seen her. Sir Yuke concluded she had not left her room, and asked no question that could lead to the discovery. Presently the baronet came upstairs himself, and tapping at her door said, Come, my dear, don't be too curious, the breakfast having been spoilt this hour already, besides your cousins having nothing on himself but his riding-dress. Happy she could at least clear herself from so derogatory a design, she opened her door. Sir Yuke, surveying her with a look of surprise and vexation, exclaimed, What, my dear, aren't you dison't yet? Why, I thought I have seen you in all your best things. No, sir, answered she calmly, I shall not dress till dinner time. My dear girl, cried he kindly, though a little distressed, how to explain himself. There's no need you should look worse than you can help. Though you can do better things, I know, than looking well at any time. Only what I mean is you should let him see you to the best advantage at the first, for fear of his taking any dislike before he knows about Dr. Orkborn and that. Dislike, sir? repeated she extremely hurt. If you think he will take any dislike, I had better not see him at all.  But I don't mean in the least to doubt his being pleased with you, except only at the beginning, from not being to you, for us, to all your studies. There's no more Greek and Latin in one body's face than in another's. But, however, if you won't dress, there's no need to keep the poor boy in hot water for nothing. He then took her hand and rather dragged than drew her downstairs, saying as they went, I must wish you joy, though, for I assure you he's a very fine lad and hardly a bit of a coxcomb. The family was all assembled in the parlour, except Camilla, for whom the baronet had instantly dispatched Edgar, and Mr. Tyrold, who was not yet returned from a morning ride, but for whom Sir Yug had ordered the great dinner-belt to be rung, as a signal of something extraordinary. Jung Lindmer was waiting the arrival of Judea with a vowed and unbridled impatience. Far from surmising it was her he had met in the park, he had concluded it was one of the maids, and thought of her no more. He asked a thousand questions in a breath when his uncle was gone. Was she tall? Was she short? Was she plump? Was she lean? Was she fair? Was she brown? Was she florid? Was she pale? But as he asked them of everybody, nobody answered. Yet all were in some dismay at the curiosity implying such entire ignorance, except Indiana, who could not without simpering foresee the amazement of her brother at her cousin's person and appearance. Here's a noble girl for you, cries Sir Yug, opening the door with a flourish. For all she's got so many best things, she's come down in her worst for the sake of looking ill at the beginning, to the end that there may be no fault to be found afterwards, which is the wiseness that does honor to her education. This was perhaps the first time an harangue from the Baron had been thought too short, but the surprise of young Linmer at the view of his destined bride made him wish he would speak on, merely to annul any necessity for speaking himself. Eugenia aimed in vain to recover the calmness of her nature, or to borrow what might resemble it from her notions of female dignity. The injudicious speech of Sir Yug, but publicly forcing upon the whole party the settled purpose of the interview, covered her with blushes, and gave a tremor to her frame that obliged her precipitately to seat herself, while her joined hands supplicated his silence. Well, my dear, well, said he, kissing her. Don't let me vex you what I said having no meaning except for the best, though your cousin might as well have saluted you before you sat down, I think, which, however I suppose, may be out of fashion now, everything changing since my time, which, Lord, help me, it will take me long enough to learn. Linmer noticed not this hint, and they all seated themselves round the breakfast table. Sir Yug scares, able to refrain from crying for joy, and continually exclaiming, This is the happiest day of all my life, for all I've lived so long, to see us all together at last, and my dear boy, come home to his native old England. Miss Marglenn made the tea, and young Linmer instantly and almost voraciously began eating of everything that was upon the table. Indiana, when she saw her brother as handsome as her cousin, was deformed, thought the contrast so droll, she could look at neither without tittering. Lavina, absurd with extreme concern, the visible distress of her sister. Dr. Orkborn forebored to ruminate his upon his work, in expectation, every moment, of being called upon to converse with the learned young traveller. But Sir Yug alone spoke, though his delight and his loquacity joined to his pleasure in remarking the good old English appetite, which his nephew had brought with him from foreign parts, prevented his being struck with the general taciturnity. The entrance of Mr. Tyrell proved a relief to all the party, though a pain to himself. He suffered in seeing the distressed confusion of Eugenia, and felt something little short of indignation at the supercellous air with which Clermont seemed to examine her, holding his head high and back, as if measuring his superior height, while every line round his mouth marked that ridicule was but suppressed by contempt. When Sir Yug at length observed that the young traveller uttered not a syllable, he exclaimed, Lord, help us! What fools it makes of us, being overjoyed! Here am I talking all the talk to myself, while my young scholars say nothing, which I take to be owing to my speaking only English, which however I should not do, if it was not for the misfortune of knowing no other, which I can't probably call a fault, being out of no idleness, as that gentleman can witness for me, for I'll warrant nobody's taking more pains, but our heads won't always do what we want. He then gave a long and melancholy detail of his studies and their failure. When the carriage arrived with Camilla, Janglinmyr loitered to a window to look at it. Eugenia arose, meaning to cease the opportunity to escape to her room, but seeing him turn round upon her moving, she again sat down, experiencing for the first time a sensation of shame for her lameness, which hitherto she had regularly borne with fortitude, when she had not forgotten from indifference, neither did she feel spirits to exhibit again before his tall and strikingly elegant figure, her diminutive little person. Camilla entered with traces of a disordered mind too strongly marked in her countenance to have escaped observation, had she been looked at with any attention. But Eugenia and Linmyr engrossed all eyes and all thoughts, even herself, at first sight of the husband-elect of her sister, lost for a moment all personal consideration, and looked at him only with the interesting idea of the future fate of Eugenia. But it was only for a moment when she turned round and saw nothing of Edgar, when her uncle's inquiry, what had become of him, convinced her he was gone elsewhere. Her heart sank, she felt sick, and would have glided out of the room. Had not Sir Yu, thinking her faint from want of her breakfast, begged Miss Marglen to make her some fresh tea, adding, As this is a day in which I intend us all to be happy alike, I beg nobody will go out of the room for the sake of our enjoying it all together. The summons to happiness produced the usual effect of such calls, a general silence succeeded by a general joining, and a universal secret wish of separation, to the single exception of Sir Yu, who, after a pause, said, Why nobody speaks but me, which I really think odd enough, however my dear nephew, if you don't care for our plain English conversation, which indeed after all your studies one can't much wonder at. Nobody can be against you, and the doctor jabbering together a little of your Greek and Latin. Linmer letting fall is spread upon the table, lean back in his chair, and sticking his hands in his side, looked at his uncle an air of astonishment. Nay, continued the baronet, I don't pretend I should be so much the wiser for it, however it's what I'm no objection to hear, so come, doctor, you're the oldest, break the ice. A verse of horrors with which Dr. Auckland was opening his answer was stopped short, by the eager manner in which Linmer re-ceased his bread with one hand, while with the other to the great discomposure of the exact Miss Marglund, he stretched forth for the teapot to pour out a basin of tea, not ceasing the libation till the saucer itself overcharged, sent his beaverage in trickling rills from the tablecloth to the floor. The ladies all moved some paces from the table to save their clothes, and Miss Marglund reproachfully inquired if she had not made his tea to his liking. Don't mind it, I beg my dear boy. Cried sir you, a little slop soon wiped up, and we're all friends, so don't let that stop your latin. Linmer noticing neither the latin, the mischief, nor the consolation, finished his tea in one draught, and then said, Praise sir, where do you keep all your newspapers? Newspapers, my dear nephew, I've got no newspapers, what would you have us do with a mere set of politics, that not one of us understand, in point of what may be their true drift? Now we are all met together of purpose to be comfortable. No newspapers, sir? cried Linmer, rising, and vehemently ringing the bell, and with a scornful laugh adding half between his teeth. Live in the country without newspapers, a good joke, faith! A servant appearing, he gave orders for all the morning papers that could be procured. Sir, you look much amazed, but presently starting up said, My dear nephew, I believe I've caught your meaning, at last for if you mean, as I take for granted, that we're all rather dull company, why I'll take your hint and leave you and a certain person together to make a better acquaintance, which you can't do so well while we're all by, on account of modesty. Eugenia frightened almost to sickness, caught by her two sisters, and Mr. Tirold tenderly compassionating her apprehensions, whispered to Sir Yu to dispense with a tetatet so early, and taking her hand accompanied her himself to her room, composing and reassuring her by the way. Sir Yu, though vexed, then followed to issue some particular orders, the rest of the party dispersed, and young Linmer remained with his sister. Walking on tiptoe to the door, he shut it and put his ear to the keyhole, till he no longer heard any footsteps. Turning then hastily round, he flung himself full length upon a sofa, and into so violent a fit of laughter, he was forced to hold his sides. Indiana tittering said, Well, brother, how do you like her? Like her, he repeated when able to speak. Why, the gentleman doubts. He can never else seriously suppose I'll marry her. He-he-he-yes, but he does indeed, brother. He's got everything ready. As he faithed, cried Linmer again, rolling on the sofa, almost suffocated with violent laughter, from which suddenly recovering, he started up to strone to a large-looking glass, and standing before it in an easy and most assured attitude. Much obliged to him, bon honneur, he exclaimed. Don't you think? Turning carelessly yet in an elegant position round to his sister. Don't you think I am, Indiana? Me, brother, la, I'm sure I think she's the ugliest little fright, poor thing, I ever saw in the world, poor thing. Such a little short, dumpy, humpback, crook, limping figure of a fright, poor thing. Yes, yes, cried he, changing his posture, but still undauntedly examining himself before the glass. He has taken amazing care of me, I confess, matched me most exactly. Then, sitting down, as did to consider the matter more seriously, he took Indiana by the arm, and, with some displeasure, said, Why, what does the old quos me? Does he want me to toss him in a blanket? Indiana titted more than ever at this idea, till her brother angrily demanded of her why she had not written herself some description of this young heck-head to prepare him for her sight, Sir Yuke having merely given him to understand that she was not quite beautiful. Indiana had no excuse to plead, but that she did not think of it. She had indeed grown up with an aversion to writing, in common with whatever else gave trouble or required attention, and her correspondence with her brother rarely produced more than two letters in a year, which were briefly upon general topics and read by the whole family. She now related to him the history of the will and the bow, which only in an imperfect and but half-credited manner reached him. His laughter then gave place to a storm of rage. He called himself ruin, blasted, undone, and abused Sir Yuke as a good-for-nothing doter, defrauding him of his just rights and expectations. Why, that's the reason, said Indiana. He wants to marry you to Cus and Eugenia, because he says it's to make you immense. This led him to a rather more serious consideration of the affair, for, he protested, the money was what he could not do without. Yet again parading to the glass.   If he'll only pay trifle of money for me, and give me a few odd hundreds to begin with, I'll hold him quit of all else, so he'll but quit me of that vis-and-little stop. A newspaper procured from the nearest public house, being now brought, he pinched Indiana by the chin, said she was the finest girl he had seen in England, and whistled off to his appointed chamber. Clermand Lindmer so entirely resembled his sister in person, that now, in his first youth, he might almost have been taken for her, even without change of dress, but the effect produced upon the beholders bore not the same parallel. What in her was beauty in its highest delicacy? In him seemed effeminacy in its lowest degradation. The brilliant fairness of his forehead, transparent pink of his cheeks, the potent vermilion of his lips, the liquid lustre of his languishing blue eyes, the minute form of his almost infant in mouth, and the snowy whiteness of his small hands and taper fingers, far from bearing the attraction which, in his sister, rendered them so lovely, made him considered by his own sex as an unmanly fob, and by the women as too conceited to admire anything but himself. With respect to his understanding, his superiority of his sister was rather in education than in parts, and in practical intercourse with the world, than in any high-reasoning faculties. His character, like his person, wanted maturing, the one being as distinct from intellectual decision as the other from masculine dignity. He had youth without diffidence, sprightliness without wit, opinion without judgment, and learning without knowledge. Yet, as he contemplated his fine person in the glass, he thought himself without one external fault, and early cast upon his own responsibility was not conscious of one mental deficiency. CHAPTER 9 OFFS AND ONS Mr. Tyrell left Eugenia to her sisters, unwilling to speak of Lindmere, till he had seen something more of him. So, you also was going, for he had no time, he said, to lose in his… But Eugenia, taking his arm, besought that nothing might at present be mentioned. Don't trouble yourself about that, my dear, he answered, for it is what I take all into my own hands. Your cousin being a person that don't talk much, by which how can anything be forwarded, if nobody interferes. A girl, you know, my dear, can't speak for herself, let her wish it never so much. Alas, said Eugenia, when he was gone, how painfully am I situated. Clermont will surely suppose this precipitance all mine, and already possibly concludes it is upon my suggestion he has thus prematurely been called from his travels, and impeded in his praise worthy ambition of studying the laws, manners, and customs of the different nations of Europe. The one countenance of Camilla soon, however, drew all observation upon herself, and obliged her to narrate the cruel adventure of the morning. The sisters were both petrified by the account of Sir Sedley, and their compassion for his expected despair was changed into disgust at his insulting impertinence. They were of opinion that his bird and his letters should immediately be returned, and their horror of any depth with the character mingling such presumption with such levity made Eugenia promise that, as soon as she was mistress of so much money, she would send him in the name of Lionel, his two hundred pounds. The bird, therefore, by Tom Haud, was instantly conveyed to Clarendle Place, but the letters Camilla retained till she could first true them to Edgar, if this event had not lost him to her forever, and if he manifested any desire of an explanation. Edgar himself meanwhile in the paroxysm of sudden misery and torturing jealousy had galloped furiously to the rector of cleaves. Oh, Dr. Marchmont, he cried, what a tale have I now to unfold.  I have thought Camilla bestowed upon another. I have believed her, oh, doctor, my own. I have conceived myself at the summit of all earthly felicity. I find myself at this moment deluded and undone. He then detailed the account calling upon the doctor to unravel to him the insupportable enigma of his destiny, to tell him for what purpose Camilla had shown him a tenderness so bewitching, at the very time she was carrying on a clandestine intercourse with another, with a man who, though destitute neither of wit nor good qualities, it was impossible she should love, since she was as incapable of admiring as of participating in his defects. To what incomprehensible motives attribute such incongruities? Why acceptance suffer her friends to accept him if engaged to her sadly? Why, if seriously meaning, to be his this secret correspondence? Why so early, so private, so strange a meeting? Whence, doctor Marchman, the daring boldness of his ceasing or hand? Whence, the never-to-be-forgotten license with which he presumed to lift it to his lips, and there hardly to detain it, so as never man dars do, whose hopes were not all alive from his own belief in their encouragement? Explain, expound to me this work of darkness and amazement. Tell me why, with every appearance of the most artless openness, I find her thus eternally disingenuous and unintelligable? Why, though I have cast myself falling into her power, she retains all her mystery? She heightens it into deceit, next perjury? Ask me, my dear young friend, why the sun does not give night and the moon day? Then why women practice cockatry? Alas, my season for surprise has long been past. They will rather trifle even with those they despise, than be candid even with those they respect. The young Baronet probably has been making his court war, or she has believed such was his design, but as you first came to the point, she would not hazard rejecting you, while uncertain if he were serious. She was possibly putting him to the test by the account of your declaration at the moment of your unseasonable intrusion. If this doctor is your statement, and if your statement is just, in how despicable a lottery have I risked the peace of my life, you suppose, then, that if sure of Sir Sedley, I am discarded? You know what I think of your situation. Can I, when to get more riches, I add a title, suppose that of Sir Sedley less secure? The shuddering start, the distracted look of Edgar, with his hand clapped to his burning forehead, now alarmed the doctor, who endeavored to somewhat soften his sentence, dissuading him against any immediate measures, and advising him to pass over these first moments of emotion, and then coolly to suffer inquiry to take place of decision. But Edgar could not hear him, he shook hands with him, faintly smiled as an apology for not speaking, and hurrying off without waiting for his servant, galloped towards the new forest, leaving his absence from cleaves to declare his defection, and bent only to fly from Camilla, and all that belonged to her. All, however, that belonged to Camilla was precisely what followed him, pursued him in every possible form, clung to his heartstrings, almost maddened his senses. He could not bear to reflect, the retrospection was torture, anticipation was horror. To lose thus without necessity, without calamity, the object of his dearest wishes, to lose her from mere declension of esteem, any inevitable evil, he cried, I could have sustained, any blow of fortune, however severe, any stroke of adversity, however terrible, but this, this error of all my senses, this deception of all my hopes, this extinction of every feeling I have cherished. He rode on yet harder, leaping over everything, thoughtless rather than fearless of every danger he could encounter, and galloping with the speed of violence of some pursuit, though folly without view, and almost without consciousness, as if hoping by flight, to escape from the degenerate portrait of Camilla, but its painter was his own imagination, and mocked the attempt. From the other side of a five-barred gate, which with almost frantic speed he was approaching, with a view to clear, a voice hallowed to stop him, and at the same time a man who was leading one horse, and riding another, dismounted and called, Why as sure as I'm alive, it's quite muddle-burnt! Edgar, now perceiving Jacob, was going to turn back to avoid him, but restraining this first movement, faintly decided him to stand by, as he had not a moment to lose. Good luck! cried Jacob, with the freedom of an old servant, who had known him from a boy. Why, I would not but have happened to come this way for never so much! Why, you might have broke your neck else! Leap such a gate at this air? Why, I can't let you do no such thing!  I'll be bound for it if you should come to any harm, and as to poor old master, twad go nigh to break his heart! Struck with words which, from so faithful and old servant, could not but be touching, Edgar was brought suddenly to himself, and felt the claim of the Tyrol family for a conduct more guarded. He endeavoured to put his own feelings apart, and consider how best he might spare those of the friends of Camilla, those of Camilla herself he concluded to be out of his reach, except as they might simply relate to the female pride and vanity of refusing rather than being given up. He paused now to weigh how he might obviate any offence, and, after first resolving to write a sort of general lead-taking, and next seeing the almost insuperable objections to whatever he could state, determined upon gaining time for deliberation, by merely commissioning Jacob to carry a message to Cleaves, that some sudden affairs call him for the present to a distant part of the country. This at such a period would create a surprise that might lead the way to what would follow, and Camilla, who could not, he thought, be much astonished, might then take her own measures for the defection she would see reason to expect. But Jacob persisted, bearing the intelligence. Good luck, sir, he cried. What have you got in your head? Something that will do you no good. I'll be bound by the look of your eyes, which look as big as if they were both going to drop out. You'd better come yourself and tell them what's the matter, and speak a word to poor Miss Camilla, or she'll never believe but what some ill has betided you. Why, we all knew about it fast enough before our master told us. Servants have eyes well as their masters. Only Mary will have it, she found it out at the first, which ain't true, for I saw it by the time you'd been a week in the house. And if you'll take my word, Squire, I don't think there's such another heart in the world as Miss Camilla's except just my own old masters. Edgar lent against his horse neither speaking nor moving, yet involuntarily listening, while deeply sighing. What a power of good she'll do, continued Jacob, when she's mistress of Beach Park. I warrant she'll go about visiting the poor and making them clothes and broths, and wine posits and baby linen all day long. She has done it at Edrington quite from a child, and when she had nothing to give him, she used to take her thread papers and needle books and sit down and work for them, and carry them bits and scraps of things to help them patch their gowns. Why, when she's got your fine fortunes, she'll bring a blessing upon the whole county. Edgar felt touched, his wrath was softened into tenderness, and he ejaculated to himself, such indeed I thought Camilla, active in charity, gentle in good works. I thought that in putting my fortune into her hands, I was serving the unhappy, feeding the indigent, reviving the sick. Master, continued Jacob, took a fancy to her from the very first as well as I, and when Master said she was coming to live with us, I asked to make it a holiday for all our folks, and Master was as pleased as I. But nobody'd think but a tender heart she's got of her own, without knowing her because of singing, and laughing, and dancing so, except when old Marglen's in the way, who's what Mr Lionel calls a killjoy at any time. How bait I'll take special care she shan't be by when I tell her of my stopping you from breaking your neck here, what I wish you could be in a corner yourself to peep at her without her knowing it.  Shaken once more in every resolution, because uncertain every opinion, Edgar found the indignant desperation which had ceased him begin to subside, and his mind again become assailable by something resembling hope. Almost instinctively he remounted his horse, and almost involuntarily drawn on by hearkening to the praise of Camilla, and fascinated by the details made by Jacob of a regard accompanied him back to Cleves. As they rode into the park, and while he was earnestly endeavouring to form some palliation, by which he might exculpate what seemed to him so guilty in the strange meeting and its strange circumstances, he perceived Camilla herself walking upon the lawn. He saw she had observed him, and saw from her air she seemed irresolute if to re-enter the house or await him. Jacob significantly pointing her out, offered to show the effect he could produce by what he could relate, but Edgar giving him the charge of his horse, earnestly besought him to retire in quiet, and to keep his opinions and experiments to himself. Each now separately and with nearly equal difficulty strode to attain fortitude to seek an explanation. They approached each other, Camilla with her eyes fixed upon the ground, her air embarrassed, and her cheeks covered with blushes. Edgar with quick but almost tottering steps, his eyes wildly avoiding hers, and his complexion pale even to in disposition. When they were met within a few yards, they stopped. Camilla still without courage to look up, and Edgar striving to speak but finding no passage for his voice. Camilla then ashamed over situation, raised her eyes and forced herself to say, Have you been into the house? Have you seen my cousin Lin-Mir? No, madam. Struck with a cold formality that never before from Edgar had reached her ears, and shocked by the sight of his estranged and alter countenance, with the cruel consciousness that appearances authorized the most depreciating suspicions, she advanced and holding out her hand. Edgar, she gently cried, Are you ill or only angry? Oh, Camilla, he answered, Can you deign to use to me such a word?  I had almost said such kindness. Deeply affected, she could hardly stand. He had taken her offered hand, but in a manner so changed from the same action the preceding day, that she scarce knew if he touched while he held it, scarce felt that he relinquished as almost as immediately she withdrew it. But her condescension at this moment was rather a new torment than any so last to him. The hand which she preferred and which the day before had received as the token of permanent felicity, he had now seen in the possession of another, with every license, every apparent mark of permitted rapture, in which he had been indulged himself. He knew not to whom it of right belonged, and the doubt not merely banished happiness, but mingled resentment with misery. I see, cried she after a mortified pause, You have lost your good opinion on me. I can only therefore— She stopped. His melancholy silence was a confirmation of her suggestion that offended her into more exertion, and with sensibility raised into dignity, she added, Only hope your intended tour to the continent may take place without delay. She would then have walked on to the house, but following her, He's all over, he cried, And is it thus, Camilla, we part? Why not? said she, suppressing as I, yet turning back. What a question cruel, Camilla! Is this all the explanation you allow me? What other do you wish? All, every other, that meeting, those letters. If you have any curiosity yet remaining, only name what you desire. Are you indeed so good? cried he in a voice that showed his soul again melting. Those letters, then! You shall have them, every one! she cried with alacrity, and instantly taking out her pocketbook, presented him with a prepared packet. Penetrated by this unexpected openness and compliance, he snatched her hand with intent to press it to his lips, but again the recollection he had seen, that liberty accorded her so sadly, joined to the sight of his writing, checked him. He let it go, bowed his thanks with a look of grateful respect, and attempting no more to stop her, walked towards the summer house to peruse the letters. End of Chapter 9, read by Lars Rolander. Book 7, Chapter 10 of Camilla. This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, reading by Lars Rolander. Camilla or a picture of youth by Fanny Burnie, Chapter 10, Resolutions. The sound of the dinner bell which rang in the airs of Edgar before he reached his intended retreat, would have been unnoticed, if not seconded, by a message from Sir Yug, who had seen him from his window. Compelled to obey, though in a state of suspense, almost intolerable, he put up the important little packet and repaired to the dining parlor, where, though none were equally disturbed with himself, no one was at ease. Jang Lin were under an appearance of mingled assurance and apathy, the effect of acquired conceit, playing upon natural incipidity, was secretly tormented with the rueful necessity of sacrificing either a noble fortune or his own fine person. Sir Yug felt a strange disappointment from the whole behavior of his nephew, though it was what he would not acknowledge and could not define. Mr Tyrol saw with much uneasiness the glaringly apparent unsuitable-ness of the intended alliance. Eugenia had never yet thought herself so plain and insignificant, and felt as if, even since the morning the smallpox had renewed its ravages, and she had sunk into being shorter. Indiana and Miss Margland were both acutely incensed with Mandelbert. Dr Orkburn saw but small reason to expect gratitude for its labors from the supercilious negligence of the boasted young student. Lavina was disturbed for both her sisters, and Kamila felt that all she valued in life depended upon the next critical hour or two. In this state of general discomfort, Sir Yug, who could never be silent, alone talked. Having long prepared himself to look upon this meeting as a day of happiness, he strove to believe for a while the whole family were peculiarly enjoying themselves, but upon a dead silence which ensued upon his taking a copious draught of madera and water. Why, my dear nephew, he cried putting down his goblet, you don't tell us anything, which I've no doubt, but you know by yourself. However, as we all met of purpose to see you, I can't say I should be sorry to hear the sound of your voice, provided it won't be disagreeable. We are not much conversant, Sir, in each other's connections. I believe, answered Lindmer, without ceasing a moment to eat and to help himself and ordering a fresh plate at every second mouthful. I have seen nothing yet of your folks hereabouts, and I fancy, Sir, you don't know a great deal of the people I have been used to. So, you, having good-humoredly acknowledged this to be truth, was at a loss what further to purpose, and imagining the taciturnity of the rest of the party to proceed from an abe of the knowledge and abilities of his nephew, soon became himself so infected with fear and reverence, that, though he could not be silent, he spoke only to those who were next to him, and in a whisper. When the dessert was served, something like a general relief was affected by the unexpected entrance of Dr. Marchmont. Alarmed by the ungoverned and in him unprecedented emotions of Edgar, he had been to Beech Park, and finding he had not returned there, had ridden on in the most uneasy uncertainty to inquire for him at Cleves. Happy to see him safe, though almost smiling to see with whom he was beginning some excuse for his intrusion, when the Baron had saved his proceeding by calling out, Well, this is as good a piece of good luck as any we've met with yet. Here's Dr. Marchmont come to wish us joy, and as he's as good a scholar as yourself, nephew, for anything I know to the contrary, why you need not be so afraid of speaking for the sake of our not understanding you, which here's five of us can do now, as well as yourself. Lin may readily conclude in Mr. Tyrold and Edgar with the two doctors, made four, glanced round the table to see who might be the fifth. When supposing it, Miss Marglant, he withdrew his eyes with a look of derision, and, turning to the butler, asked what vines he might call for. Sir, you then proposed that they should all pair off the ignorant ones going one way, and the learned ones straying another. It would be difficult to say which looked most adverse to this proposition. Eugenia, or the young traveller, who hastily said, I always ride after dinner, sir, is your groom at hand? Can he shoo me your horses? My nephew, little suspects, cried sir, you winking. Eugenia belongs to the scholars. Ten to one, but he thinks he's got Homer and Horace to himself. But there, my dear boy, as you were so fond of the classics. Clermont, namely rising and knocking down a decanter of water in his haste, but not turning back to look at it, nor staying to offer any apology, affected not to hear his uncle, and flung hastily out of the room, calling upon Indiana to follow him. In the name of all the diavoli, cried he, pulling her into the park with him, what does all this mean? Is the old gentleman non-compass? What's all this stuff he discounts upon so freely, of scholars and classics and Homer and Horace? Oh, you must ask Eugenia not me, answered Indiana scornfully. Why, what does Eugenia know of the matter? No, why everything. She's a great scholar, and has been brought up by Dr Orkborn, and she talks Greek and Latin. Does she, sir? Then by the Lord she's no wife of mine. I'd as soon marry the old doctor himself, and I'm sure he'd make me as pretty a wife, Greek and Latin, why I'd as soon tie myself to a rod, pretty sort of dinner she'll give.  Books, ha-ha, books and Latin and Greek upon my faith, a pretty wife, the old gentleman, has been so good as to find me. Why, he must be a downright driveler. Ah, brother, if we had all that fortune, what a different figure we should cut with it. Why, yes, I'd rather flatter myself, we should. No great need of five thousand a year to pour over books. Ha-ha, faith, this is a good hum enough. So he thinks to take me in, does he? Why, you know, she's so rich, brother. Rich? Well, and what am I? Do you see such a figure as this? Suddenly skipping before her. Every day. Am I reduced to my last legs, think you?  La-ha-ha, brother, won't you have her, then? No, faith, won't I. It's not come to that, neither. This learning is worse than her ugliness, which would make me look like a dunce in my own house. He then protested he had rather lose forty estates. Then so be sacrificed, and wowed, without venturing a direct refusal, he would soon sicken the old gentleman of his scheme. Eugenia, in retreating to her room, was again accompanied by her father and her uncle, whom she can't yearn now to name her to Clermont no more. I can't say I admire these puttings off, my dear, said the Baronet. In this, our mortal state, which is always liable to end in our dying. Not that I pretend to tell you I think him over much alert, but there is no knowing but what he may have some meaning in it, that we can't understand. A person having studied all his life has a right to a little particularity. Mr. Tyrell himself now seriously interfered, and desired that henceforth Clermont might be treated, as if his visit to Cleves was merely to congratulate his uncle upon his recovery, and that all schemes, preparations, and illusions might be put aside, unless the youth himself, and with a good grace, brought them forward. Meanwhile, he and Lavinia would return without delay to Etherington, to obviate all appearance awaiting the decision of any plan. Sir Yu was much discomfited by the extraction of such forbearance, yet could the less oppose it from his own discontent with his nephew, which he inadvertently betrayed by murmuring in his way to his chamber. There's no denying but what they've got some oddfangled new ways of their own in those foreign parts, meeting a set of old relations for the first time, and saying nothing to them but asking for the newspapers. Lord help us, caring about the wide world, so when we know nothing of it, instead of one's own uncles and nephews and kin's people. During this time Edgar, almost agonized by suspense and doubt, had escaped to the summer house, whether he was followed by Dr. Marchmont, greatly to the wonder, almost with the contempt of Dr. Orkborn, whom he quitted in anxiety for his young friend, just as he had intimated a design to consult him upon a difficult passage in an ancient author, which had a place in his work that was now nearly ready for the press. I know well, Dr. said Edgar, that to find me here after all that has passed will make you conclude me the weakest of men, but I cannot now explain how it has been brought about. These letters must first tell me if Camilla and I meet more than once again. He then hastily ran over the letters, but by no means hastily could he digest nor even comprehend their contents. He thought them florid, affected, and presuming, yet vague, studied the little appearance of sincerity and less of explicit decision. What related to Lionel and to aiding him in the disposal of his wealth seemed least intelligible, yet most like serious meaning. But when he found that the interview at the Grove was by positive appointment and granted to a request made with a forwardness and assurance so wide from all delicacy and propriety, the blood mounted high into his cheeks, and precipitately putting up the packet, he exclaimed. Here, then, it ends. The last little ray of hesitation is extinct to be kindled nevermore. The sound of these last words caused him an emotion of sorrow he was unable to resist, though unwilling to betray, and he hurried out to the summer house to the wood, where he strode to compose his mind to the last leap taking upon which he was now determined. But so dreadful was the resolution which exacted from his own mouth the resignation of all that, till now had been dearest to his views and hopes that the afternoon was far advanced before he could assume sufficient courage to direct his steps to the spot where the sacrifice was to be made. Accusing himself, then, of weakness unpardonable, he returned to the summer house to apologize to Dr. Marchmont for his abrupt retreat, but the doctor had already re-entered the mansion. Thither, therefore, he proceeded proposing to seek Camilla to return her the letters of Sir Sedley, and to desire her commands in what manner to conduct himself with her father and her uncle, in acknowledging his fears that the protected union would fail of affording to either party the happiness which, at first, it seemed to promise. The courage of Sir Hugh was in waiting at the door, and Mr. Tyrold and La Vina were in the hall. Edgar, in no condition for such an encounter, would have avoided them, but Mr. Tyrold, little suspecting his desire, rejoiced at the meeting, saying he had had the house searched for him in vain, that he might shake hands with him before his return to Edrington. Then, taking him apart, My dear Edgar, he cried, I have long loved you as tenderly, and I may now confide in you as completely as if you were my son. I go hence in some inquietude, I fear my brother has been too hasty in making known his views with regard to Clermond, who does not seem equal to appreciating the worth of Eugenia, though it is evident he has not been slack in noticing her misfortunes. I entreat you during my absence to examine him as if you were already the brother of that dear child, who marries, you well know, the best and tenderest of husbands. He then followed Lavigne into the carriage, prevented by his own occupied mind from observing the fallen countenance of Edgar, whom more wretched than ever bemoaned now the kindness of which he had hitherto been proud, and lamented the paternal trust which he would have purchased the day before almost with life. Camilla during this period had gone through conflicts no less severe. Jacob, who had bought a horse for which he had advanced to hundred, had informed her of the great adventure of Edgar, and told her that, but for his stopping him, he was riding like mad from cleaves, and only sending them all a message that he could not come back. Grieved, surprised, and offended, she instantly determined she would not risk such another mark of his cold superiority, but restore to him his liberty, and leave him master of himself. If the severity of his judgment, he cried she, is so much more potent than the warmth of his affection, it shall not be his delicacy, nor his compassion, that shall make me his. I will neither be the wife of his repentance, nor of his pity. I must be convinced of his unaltered love, his esteem, his trust, or I shall descend to humiliation, not rise to happiness in becoming his. Softness here would be meanness, submission degrading, if he hesitates, let him go. She then, without weighing or even seeing one objection, precipitately resolved to beg permission of her friends, to accept an invitation she had received, without us yet answering, to meet Mrs. Burlington at Southampton, where that lady was going to pass some weeks. She could there, she thought, give the rejection, which here its inviolable circumstances made her, for Lionel's sake, afraid to risk. Or she could there, if a full explanation should appease him, find opportunity to make it with equal safety, his dislike to that acquaintance rather urged than impede her plan, for her wounded spirit pounted to prove its independence and dignity. Tutinia approved this elevation of sentiment, and doubted not it would shrew her again in her true light to Edgar, and bring him with added esteem to her feet. Camilla wept with joy at the idea. Ah, she cried, if such should be my happy fate, if after hearing all my imprudence, my precipitance, and want of judgment, he should voluntarily, when folly set free, return to me, I will confess to him every feeling, and every failing of my heart. I will open to him my whole soul, and cast myself ever after upon his generosity, and his goodness. Oh, my Teutinia, almost on my knees could I receive, a second time, the wows of Edgar Mander Birch. End of Chapter 10 Red by Lars Rolander Book 7 Chapter 11 of Camilla This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, reading by Lars Rolander. Camilla or a picture of youth by Fanny Burney, Chapter 11, East and Freedom Lindmer a tea-time return from his ride with a fixed plan of frightening or disgusting the baronet from the Alliance. With Teutinia herself, he imagined the attempt would be vain, for he did not conceive it possible any woman who had eyes could be induced to reject him. Determined therefore to indulge in full both the natural presumption and acquired luxurance of his character, he conducted himself in a manner that to anything short of the partiality of Sir Yuge would have rendered him insupportably offensive. But Sir Yuge had so long cherished a reverence for what he had himself ordered with regard to his studies, and what he implicitly recredited of his attainments, that it was more easy to him to doubt his senses than to suppose so accomplished a scholar could do anything but what was right. Your horses are worth nothing, sir, cried he in entering. I never wrote so unpleasant a beast. I don't know who has the care of your stud, but whoever it is he deserves to be hanged. Sir Yuge could not refuse either to his justice or his kindness to vindicate his faithful Jacob, and for his horses he made as many excuses as if everyone had been a human creature, whom he was recommending to his mercy, with the fear they were unworthy of his favor. Not a word was said more except what Miss Marglund from time to time extorted by begging questions in praise of a tea till Inmir, violently ringing the bell, called out to order a fire. Everybody was surprised at this liberty, without any previous demand of permission from the baronet, or any inquiry into the feelings of the rest of the company. Answer Yuge in a low voice said to Eugenia, I'm a little afraid poor Mary will be rather out of humor to have the great to polish again tomorrow, in the case my nephew should not like to have another fire then, which I suppose if the weather continues so hot may very likely not be agreeable to him. Another pause now ensued, Dr. Marchmont, who of the whole party was alone at this time capable of leading to a general conversation, was separately occupied by watching Camilla, while himself as usual was curiously and unremittingly examined by Dr. Orkborn, in whom so much attention to a young lady raised many private doubts of the justice of his scholastic fame, which soon, by what he observed of his civility even to Miss Marigold, were confirmed nearly to scepticism.  Mary as much displeased and nearly as much humored as himself, answered that nothing but coals were ever burned in that grate. Take it all away then, and bid my man send me appellies that I made to cross the Alps in. I am very sorry indeed, nephew, said Sir Eub, that we were not better prepared for your being so chilly, owing to the weather being set in so sultry, that we none of us much thought of having a fire, and indeed in my young time we were never allowed thinking of such things before Mikkel Mas day, which I suppose is quite behind hand now, pray nephew, if it is not too much trouble to you, watch the day for lighting fires in foreign parts. There's no rule of that sort now, sir, in modern philosophy that kind of things completely out, entirely exploded, I give you my word. Well, everything's new, Lord, help me since I was born, but I pray nephew, if I may ask, without tiring you too much, on account of my ignorance, have they fires in summer as well as winter there? Do you imagine there are grates and fires on the continent, sir, the same as in England? Ha ha! Sir Eug was discounted from any further inquiry. Another silence ensued, broken again by heavy hymn and ringing of the bell. When the servant appeared, What have you got, cried Linver, that you can bring me to eat? Eat, nephew, why? You would not eat before supper, when here's nobody done tea. Not that I'd have you balk your appetite, which to be sure ought to be the best judge. The youth ordered some oysters. There were none in the house. He desired a barrel might immediately be procured. He could eat nothing else. Still Edgar, though frequent opportunities occurred, had no fortitude to address Camilla, and no spirits to speak. To her, however, his dejection was a revival. She read in it her power, and hoped her present plan would finally confirm it. A servant now came in, announcing a person who had brought two letters, one for Sir Eug, the other for Miss Camilla, but who said he would deliver them himself. The Baron had decided he might be admitted. Several minutes passed, and he did not appear. The wonder of Sir Eug was awakened for his letter, but Camilla, reading a billet from Sir Sedley, was in no haste. Linver, however, glad of an opportunity to issue orders or make disturbance, furiously rang the bell, saying, Where are the letters? Jacob, said the Baronet, My nephew, don't mean the slowness to be any fault of yours, it being what you can't help. Only tell the person that brought us our letters. We should be glad to look at them, not knowing who they may be from. Why, he seems but an odd sort of fish, sir. I can't much make him out. He's been begging some floor to put in his hair. He'll make himself so spruce, he says. We shan't know him again. I can't much think he's a gentleman. He then, however, added, he had made a mistake, as there was no letter for his master, but one for Miss Camilla, and the other for Miss Margland. For me, exclaimed Miss Margland, breaking forth from a scornful silence, during which her underlip had been busy to express her contempt of the curiosity excited upon this subject. Why, how dare they not tell me it was for me! It may be from somebody of consequence about something of importance, and here's a half day lost before I can see it. She then rose to go in search of it herself, but opened the door upon Mr. Dubster. A ghost could she have persuaded herself she had seen one, could not more have astonished, though it would more dismayed her. She drew haughtily back, saying, Is there nobody else come? The servant answered in the negative, and she retreated to her chair. Camilla alone was not perplexed by this sight. She had already from the description suggested whom she might expect, according to the intimation given by the ever mischievous Lionel. Miss Margland concluding he would turn out to be some broken tradesman, prepared herself to expect that the letter was a petition, and watched for an opportunity to steal out of the room. Mr. Dubster made two or three low bows, while he had his hand upon the door, and two or three more when he had shut it.  I shall find you out in a hundred. I've got a letter for your ma'am, and another for the gentle woman I took for your mama, and I was not much out in my guess, for there is no great difference as one might say between a mama and a governess, only the mother's the more natural like. He then presented her a letter, which she hastily put up, not daring to venture at the public perusal, lest it might contain not merely something ludicrous concerning Mr. Dubster, to which she was fully indifferent, but allusions to Sir Sedley Clarendall, which, in the actual situation of things, may be fatally unseasonable. And now, said Mr. Dubster, I must give up my other letter, asking the gentle woman's pardon for not giving it before, only I was willing to give the young lady hers first, young ladies being apt to be more in a hurry than people a little in years. This address did not much add to the benevolent eagerness of Miss Marglenn to read the epistle, and endeavouring to decline accepting it. Really, she said, unless I know what it's about, I'm not much used to receiving letters in that manner. As to what it's about, cried he, with a half-suppressed simper, and nodding his head on one side. That's a bit of secret, as you see, when you read it. Indeed, good man, I wish you very well, but as to reading all the letters that everybody brings one, it requires more time than I can pretend to have to spare upon every trifling occasion. She would then have retired, but Mr. Dubster stopping her said, Why, if you don't read it, ma'am, nobody'll be never the wiser for what I come about, for it's ungain like to speak for oneself, and the young gentleman said he'd write to you, because he said you'd like it the best. The young gentleman? What young gentleman? Jang Squire Tirold, he said you'd be as pleased as anything to tell it to the old gentleman yourself, for you was vast fond, he said, of matrimony. Matrimony? What have I to do with matrimony? cried Miss Marglenn, reddening and ridling.  Dear heart, I'm not going to offer anything uncivil, as to matrimony it's no great joke to a man when once he's made his way in the world, it's more an affair of your ladies by half. Of us, upon my word, this is a compliment rather higher than I expected. Mr. Lionel may find, however, I have friends who will resent such impertinence if he imagines he may send who he will to me with proposals of this sort. Lock, ma'am, you need not be in such a fright for nothing, however, there's your letter, ma'am, putting it upon the table, and when you are in better queue, I suppose you'll read it. Then advancing to Camilla. Now, ma'am, let's you and I have a little talk together, but first by good rights I ought to speak to your uncle, only I don't know what he is. It will be mortal kind if you'll help a body out. Sir Yu was going to answer for himself when Lin-Mir fatigued with so long a scene in which he had no share, had recourse to his friend the bell calling out at the same time in a voice of impatience, no oysters yet. Sir Yu now began to grow unhappy for his servants, for himself he not only could bear anything, but still concluded he had nothing to bear, but his domestics began all to wear long faces, and accustomed to see them happy, he was heard to observe the change. No partiality to his nephew could disguise to him that long use to every possible indulgence it was vain to hope they would submit, without murmuring, to so new a bondage of continual and preemptory commands. Instead of attending therefore to Mr. Dubster, he considered what apology to offer to Jacob, who, suspecting by whom he was summoned, did not make his appearance till Lin-Mir rang again. Where are these oysters, he then demanded. Have you been eating them? No, sir, answered he surly. We're not so sharp-set. We live in old England. We don't come from outlandish countries. This true young bullies Lin-Mir had neither sense to despise nor humour to laugh at. And seriously, in a rage called out, Sira, I'll break your bones, and lifted up his riding switch, with which, as well as his boots, he had re-entered the parlor. The Lord be good unto me, cried Sir Yu, what new ways are got into the world? But don't take it to heart, Jacob, for as to breaking your bones after all your long services, it's a thing I shan't consent to, which I hope my nephew won't take ill. Affronted with a master and enraged with a man, Lin-Mir strung petulantly up and down the room, with loud and marked steps that called or at least disturbed the tension of everyone, exclaiming at every turning, a confounded country this, a villainous country, nothing to be had in it. I don't know what in the world to think of that. There's any chance I can get. Sir Yu, recovering, said he was sorry he was so badly off, and desired Jacob not to fail procuring oysters, if they were to be had within a mile. A mile, ten miles, say ten miles round, cried Lin-Mir, or you do nothing, what's ten miles for a thing of that sort? Ten miles, nephew, what, at this time of night, why, you don't think, with all your travelling, that when they've got ten miles there, they'll have ten miles to come back, and that makes count twenty? Well, sir, and suppose it was forty, what have such fellows to do better? Sir Yu blessed himself, and Mr. Dubster said to Camilla, Sir ma'am, why, you don't read your letter, neither? No more than the gentle woman, however I think you may as well see a little what's in it, though I suppose no great matters being from a lady. A lady, what lady? cried she, and eagerly taking it from her pocket, saw the handwriting of Mrs. Burlington, and inquired how it came into his possession. He answered that happening to meet the lady's footman, whom he had known something of while in business. As he was going to put it to the post, he told him he was coming to the very house, and so took it to bring himself, the man being rather in a hurry to go another way. So I thought to us as well, ma'am, he added, to save you the postage, for as to a day or so sooner or later, I suppose it can break no great squares in your lady's letter writing. Camilla hastily running it over found it contained a most pressing repetition of invitation from Mrs. Burlington for the South Hampton plan, and information that she should make a little circuit to call and take her up at Cleves, if not immediately forbidden, the time she named for her arrival, though four days distant from the date of her letter would be now the following morning. This seemed to the agitated spirits of Camilla, an inviting opening to her scheme. She gave the letter to her uncle, saying in a fluttered manner, she should be happy to accompany Mrs. Burlington for a few days, if her father should not disapprove the excursion, and if he could himself have the goodness to spare one of the carriages to fetch her home, as South Hampton was but sixteen miles off. While Sir Hugo maested this request, yet always unable to pronounce a negative to what she desired, stammered, Edgar abruptly took leave. Thunderstruck by his departure, she looked affrighted after him, with a sigh impossible to repress. She now first weighed the hazard for what she was doing, the deep game she was inconsiderately playing. Would it thunder, would it unite them? Tears started into a rise at the doubt. She did not hear her uncle's answer. She rose to hurry out of the room, but before she could escape, the big drops rolled fast down her cheeks, and when arrived at her chamber, I have lost him. She cried, by my own unreflecting precipitance, I have lost him, perhaps forever. Dr. Marchman now also took leave. Mr. Dubster decided he might speak with the Baronette the next morning, and the family remained alone. End of Chapter 11, read by Lars Rolander. Book 7, Chapter 12 of Camilla This is a LibriVox recording, all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, reading by Lars Rolander. Camilla or a Picture of Youth by Fanny Burnie, Chapter 12, Dilemas While the Baronette was pondering in the most melancholy manner upon the sudden and unexpected demand of absence in Camilla, the grim goddess of envy took possession of the fine features of Indiana, who declared she was immured alive, while her cousin went everywhere. The curiosity of Lin were being excited to inquire what was to be had or done at Southampton. He heard it, abounded, in good company, and good fish, and protested he must undoubtedly set out for it the next morning. Indiana then wept with vexation and anger, and Miss Marglander Fern, she was the only young lady in Hampshire who had never been at Southampton. Sir Yug concluding Edgar would attend Camilla, feared it might hurt the other match to part Eugenia from Clermont, and after a little pause, though deeply sighing at such a dispersion from Cleaves, consented that they should all go together. Camilla therefore was commissioned to ask leave of Mr. Tyrold for Eugenia as well as for herself, and to add a petition from Sir Yug that he and Lavina would spend the time of their absence at Cleaves. The baronet then of his own accord asked Dr. Orkborn to be of the party, that Eugenia, he said, might run over her lessons with him in a morning for fear of forgetting them. A breach, however, such as this, of plans so long formed, and a dispersion so voluntary of his house.  But there in a few hours his sanguine temper and the kindness of his heart, new-modeled and new-colored the circumstances of his chagrin. He considered he should have full time to prepare for the double marriages, and that, with the aid of Lavina, he might delight and amaze them all, with new dresses and new trinkets, which he could now choose without the torment of continual opposition from the documentizing Miss Markland. Thus he restored his plastic mind to its usual satisfaction, and arose the next morning without a cloud upon his brow. The pure design of benevolence is to happiness upon others, but its intrinsic reward is bringing happiness home. But this sweetness of nature so aptly supplying the first calls and the first virtues of philosophy was yet more severely again tried the next morning. For when forgetting the caution he had solemnly promised but vainly endeavored to observe, he intimated to linmar these purposes, the youth blushing at the idea of being taken for the destined husband of Judea in public, preferred all risks to being followed by such a rumour to Southampton, and when he found she was to be of the party, positively declared the match to be out of all question. Sir Eugna stood aghast. Many had been his disappointments, his rage for forming schemes and his credulity in persuading himself they would be successful, were sources not more fertile of amusement in their projection than of mortification in their event. But here the length of time since his plan had been arranged joined to the very superficial view he had taken of any chance of its failure had made him, by degrees, regarded as so fixed and settled that it rather demanded congratulation than concurrence, rather waited to be enjoyed than executed. Linmar took not the smallest interest in the dismay of his uncle, but turning upon his heel said he would go to the stables to see if he could find something that would carry him any better than the miserable jade he had mounted the preceding evening. Sir Eug remained in a kind of stupifaction. He seemed himself to be bereft of every purpose of life, and robbed at once of all view for his actions, all subjects for his thoughts. The wide world he believed had never hitherto given birth to a plan so sagaciously conceived, so rationally combined, so infallibly secure, yet it was fallen, crushed, rejected. A gleam of sunshine, however, ere long upon his despondence, it occurred to him that the learned education of Eugenia was still a secret to her cousin. His whole scheme therefore might perhaps yet be retrieved, when Linmar should be informed of the peculiar preparations made for his conjugal happiness. Fetching now a long breath to aid the revival of his faculties and his spirits, he considered how to open his discourse, render it most impressive, and then sent for Clermont to him in his chamber. Nephew! cried he upon his entrance, I am now going to talk to you a little in your own way, having something to tell you of, that I believe you won't know how to hold cheap, being a thing that belongs to your studies, that is to say to your cousins, which I hope is pretty much the same thing, at least as to the end. Now the case of what I have to say is this, you must know Nephew, I had always set my heart upon having a rich heir, but it's what did not turn out, which I am sorry enough for, but where's the man that's so wise as to know his own doom? That is the doom of his fortune, however that's what I should not talk of to you, having so little, which I hope you won't take to heart, and indeed it ain't much worth a wise man thinking of, when he hand got it, for what's a fortune, at bottom but mere metal, and so having, as I said before, no heir I'm forced in default of it to take up with an heiress, but to the end of making all parties happy, I've had her brought up in the style of a boy, for the sake of your marrying her, for which reason I believe in point of the classics. Me, sir? Kredlin mere recovering from a long yawning fit, and what have I to do with marrying a girl like a boy? That's not my taste, my dear sir, I assure you, besides what has a wife to do with the classics, will they shoe her how to order her table? I suppose when I want to eat, I may go to a cook's shop. Here subsided at once every particle of that reverence Sir Yuge had so long nourished for Klerman Klin mere, to hear the classics spoken of with disrespect, after all the pains he had taken, all the orders he had given for their exclusive study and veneration, and to find the common calls of life, which he had believed every scholar regarded but as means of existence, not auxiliaries of happiness, named with preference, distanced at a stroke, all high opinion of his nephew, and made way instead for a displeasure not fully free from disdain. Well, Klermont, said he after pause, I won't keep you any longer. Now I know your mind which I wish I had known before, for the account of your cousin, who has had plague enough about it in her bringing up, which, however, I shall put an end to now, not seeing that any good has come from it. Klin mere joyfully accepted the permission to retire, enchanted that the rejection was thus completely off his mind, and had incurred only so slight a reproof, unaccompanied with one menace or even remonstrance. The first consternation of Sir Yuge at the fall of this favorite project was indeed somewhat lessened at this moment by the fall of his respectful opinion of its principal object. He sent, therefore, hastily for Eugenia, to whom he abruptly exclaimed, My dear girl, who'd have thought it? Here's your cousin, Klermont, with all his Greek and Latin, which I begin to bless God I don't know a word of, turning out a mere common nothing, thinking about his dinners and suppers, for which reason I beg you think of him no more, it not being worth your while, in particular, as he don't desire it. Eugenia at this intimation felt nearly as much relieved as disturbed. To be refused was indeed shocking, not to her pride she was a stranger to that passion, but to her delicacy, which pointed out to her in strong colors the impropriety of having been exposed to such a decision, nevertheless to find herself unshuckled from an alliance to which she looked forward with Druid, without offending her uncle, to whom so many reasons made it dear, or militating against her own heroic sentiments of generosity, which revolted against willfully depriving her cousin of an inheritance already offered to him, removed of weight from her mind, which his every word, look, and gesture had contributed to increase since their first meeting. Dr. Marchmont had ridden to Beech Park, where he had spent the night, though uninvited by its agitated owner, whom the very name of Mrs. Burlington, and next to an accepted party of pleasure, had driven in speechless agony from cleaves. I wonder not, cried he, at your disturbance, I feel for it on the contrary more than ever from my observations of this evening, for I now see the charm, the potent charm as well as the difficulties of your situation. This strange affair with Sir Cedric Clarendel cannot, in common foresight of what may ensue from it, be passed over without the most rigid scrutiny and severest deliberation, yet I sincerely hope inquiry may produce some palliation. This young lady, I see, will not easily, for sweetness, for countenance, for every apparent attraction be replaced, and the first of all requisites is certainly in your favor. It is evident she loves you. Loves me, cried Edgar, his arms involuntarily encircling him as he repeated the magnetizing words. Ah, Dr. Marchmont, could she then thus grieve and defy me? And yet so too, said Jacob, that good faithful, excellent old servant. Yes, I watched her unremittingly, and saw her so much hurt by your abrupt retreat, that her eyes filled with tears the moment you left the room. Oh, Dr. Marchmont, and for me were they shed, my dear, dear friend, withhold from me such a picture, or reconcile me completely to viewing no other. Once more, let me warn you to circumspection. The stake for which you are playing is life in its best part, its peace of mind. That her manners are engaging, that her looks are captivating, and even that her heart is yours. Admit no doubt, but the solidity or the lightness of that heart are yet to be proved. Still, Dr., though nearly in defiance of all my senses, still I can doubt anything rather than the heart of Camilla. Precipitate, I know she has always been reckoned, but her precipitance is of kin to her noblest virtues. It springs but from the unsuspicious frankness of an unguarded, because innocent nature, and this in a short time her understanding will correct. Are you sure it's adequate to the task? There is often in early youth a quickness of parts, which raises expectations that are never realized. Their origin is but in the animal spirits, which instead of ripening into judgment and sense by added years, dwindle into nothingness, or harden into flippancy. The character at this period is often so unstable as to be completely new, molded by every new accident or new associate. How innumerable are the lurking ill qualities that may lie dormant beneath the smiles of youth and beauty in the season of their untried serenity. The contemporaries of half-hour fiercest Viragos of 50 may assure you that, at 15, they were all softness and sweetness. The present, however, my dear young friend, is highly favorable to all you can judiciously wish, namely the entire re-establishment or total destruction of all confidence. To man of your nice feelings, there is no medium. Your love demands respect or your tranquility exacts flight from its object. Set apart your offence at the cultivation of an acquaintance you disapprove, be yourself of the party to Southampton, and there a very little observation will enable you to dive into the most secret recesses of a character. Steadiness, doctor, I do not want nor yet, however, I suffer from its exertion, fortitude. But a plan such as this requires something more. It calls for an equivocal conduct, which to me would be impracticable, and to her might prove delusive. No, the openness I so much pine to meet with, I must at least not forfeit myself. The fervor of your integrity, my dear Mandelbert, mis- takes caution for deceit. If indeed this plan had any other view than your union, it would not merely be cruel but infamous. The truth, however, is you must either pursue her upon proof, or abandon her at once, with every chance of repenting such a measure. Alas, how torturing is hesitation to believe myself the object of her regard, to think that first of all human felicitis mine, yet to find it so pliant, so precarious, to see her with such thoughtless reddiness upon the point of falling into the hands of another, receiving, answering his letters, letters too so confident, so daring, made up of insolent demands and imperious reproaches, to meet him by his own appointment.  How now, however again can I be happy, either to quit or to claim her? This division of sentiment is what gives rise to my plan. At Southampton you will see if Sir Sedley pursues her, and as she will be uncertain of your intentions, you will be unable to judge the singleness of her mind and the stability of her affection by the reception she gives him. But if, as I think I can gather from her delivering me his letters, the fair whatever it has been with Sir Sedley is over, what then? You will have leisure to discuss it, and opportunity also to see her with other Sir Sedley's. Public places abound with those flutterers after youth and beauty, unmeaning admirers who sigh at every new face or black traitors to society, who seek but to try and try but to publish their own power of conquest. Will you then, my dear doctor, be also the party? For my sake, will you once more quit your studies and repose, to give me upon the spot your counsel, according to the varying exigence of varying circumstances, to aid me to prepare and compose my mind for whatever may be the event, and to guide even, if possible, my wavering and distracted thoughts? To the importance of the period and to a plea so serious, every obstacle gilded, and Dr. Marchmont agreed to accompany him to Southampton. End of Chapter 12 Red by Los Rolander


The Russian Investigative Committee released a report on the April 30, 2022, explosion at an oil base in the Starodubskoy district of the Bryansk region die in the report. The Russian side admitted that two Su-24M fighter jets belonging to Ukraine entered 50 kilometers of the country's territory without obstacles and dropped at least two FAB-500 aerial bombs. As a result of the strike, an explosion and serious damage occurred in the oil storage terminal of the oil base. Later, both planes were able to return to Ukraine without any obstacles. The commander of the Ukrainian 7th Tactical Aviation Brigade, Colonel Yevgeny Bulatsyuk, was charged in absentia for the incident.


I played this amp right now and to me I just played a clean sound and I think it's a very responsive sound that I could see a lot of people use for live situations. I really really like the clean sound of this amp but as you can see from the layout of the knobs it can do more than clean.


This is a difficult passage to interpret. A lot of folks have tackled it, and there are probably 10, 12, 15 different interpretations of this passage, how it ought to be used. And so I want to go ahead, because someone asked me, I want to go ahead and look at the passage. This is Mark chapter 9, verse 49 and 50, says, for everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good. But if salt becomes unsalty with, what will you make it salty again? That might seem okay. Pretty easy to follow. But then it says, have salt in yourself and be at peace with one another. It can be difficult because there are a lot of different. When I say a lot of different, you look up, you can Google, you can, if you got different Bible software, what have you, look up different commentary, and you're going to get a lot of different views on this. And so maybe it'd be safe to say that there probably isn't one consensus way to go about doing it. But obviously, because it's the word of God, and he gave it to us for our understanding, then there should be a way that we can get this. And the thing is, I think a lot of them kind of say some of the same things. Well, how I look at this is, first of all, this word, there's something that kind of gives me a little bit of a key in how we ought to look at this. And that is this word here for in the English, in the Greek, it's gar. So it's referring to something that is previous. And so if we just simply scroll back a little bit and look at the earlier portions, we'll kind of see what he's speaking of. Now, he's speaking of, you're going to see something that's spoken at the end of each one of these things. He's talking about some bad things or some simple things that can happen. And then he'll make a statement at the end of those things. He's speaking in verse 42, whoever calls one of these little ones who believes to stumble, it would be better for him if he would have a heavy millstone hung around his neck. He had been cast into the sea. If your hand caused you, now here we go, really 43 or one.  It is better for you to enter life crippled than having two hands to go into hell into the unquenchable fire.   And so we may not want to read into it, which is why we started in 42, but you'll notice something that's being stated here.  Now, the part that's probably added, not sure, so I don't want to make that a big point, but where the worm does not die, then go to verse 45.  What does it say again? Where the worm does not die again, bracket it because it was not part of the earliest manuscripts, but we can still get past it. That's not a big sticking point. If your eye caused you to stumble, throw it out.  Now, the point is whether we consider the point about the worm does not die and so forth. The issue is we notice that there are previously these things that you should not do and some simple things you should avoid and to cut off whatever it is that is going to cause you to sin. Then we get to verse 49. For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salt again? But let's deal with the first part. For everyone will be salted. Well, this four is piggybacking off of what was stated previously. So for everyone will be salted. Now, the issue with salt is it can be used in a myriad of different ways. A myriad of different ways. The question is how is it used here? Is salt being used as something for preserving? Sometimes we see that or for seizing, making someone thirsty. Is it salt that's being used as something that kind of is kind of embodying trials? Is that what it is? Let's continue reading verse 50. Salt is good, but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? So maybe salt has this, because again, we're talking about a culture that we're not privy to. We're trying to put ourselves back into their time and understand how this is used. Clearly this is used idiomatically. This is, I've been talking about physical salt. But it's using salt that they understand how it's used in different ways to state a point that they would understand. But if salt is good, which it is, all the different ways that it's used for. So maybe what we should look at is how it's used all the different ways. But if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? So he says, and here's where it says, where it gets a little tricky, have salt in yourselves and be at peace with one another. Now, how I look at this is, because you're going through all these different things, these issues of difference in, don't do those things, these are issues, these are problems. In some cases, they are just trial. Everybody is going to be salt at this word. Everyone is the word pos. I don't think this, some may take this just for unbelievers. Some may say it's just for the disciples. Pos, I think this is really everybody. I think this is one of those cases where pos literally means all the people. So everyone will be salted with fire. And if we take salted with fire, this kind of sprinkling with fire, this salting with fire, so to speak, that everyone is going to have these temptation, these trials, these hard times they're going to have to deal with this disciplining, because we're just, we're being told previously that people need to avoid whatever's causing them to sin, which means you got to discipline yourself. It's better to cut that off. Now he's, you're saying physically, but be it physically or kind of metaphorically cut off what it is that's going to cause you to sin. It's going to be a struggle. And so everybody is going to be salted with this struggle. Everyone's going to have a little bit of the struggle. And guess what? The struggle is good. But if your struggles are no longer a struggle, well, then what is going to make you strong again? This kind of, this again, this is how I'm taking this. And so I might be wrong, but have this in yourself, this discipline, so that knowing that you're going to go through these struggles, I think this is kind of what he's talking about. Why do I say that? Well, let's look at a couple of the passages that deal with this that some readers might, or some scholars might think that this is kind of connected. Notice that he says about this salt. Matter of fact, let's go back to Mark 9. He says this, he says, if the salt becomes unsalty or loses its saltiness, well, where have we seen them before? Well, we saw that in Matthew 513. He says, you are the salt of the earth. But if salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? Well, is it the, the seasoning that causes someone thirsty? Well, we are the people, our testimony is what we offer to people. Offering it to people, in other words, to get people to see what God has done in us through us and what he can do for them is the whole goal. We are trying to convey the gospel of Christ. And so in that way, is that kind of how he's using salt here, as well as the same way that's been used in Mark 9? Maybe Paul, I'm sorry, Paul, James makes a statement in James 1. We all know this passage says, count it all joy or, brethren, consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing. We're constantly told throughout the Scriptures that we need to be able to deal with these trials. And I think that's what he's, that the whole point in Mark is, whatever comes our way, we've got to have the ability to deal with him, that this will deal with him. Everyone is going to have some salt in their life, and it's good. And this saltiness kind of builds us up. So going back to Mark 9, he says everyone will be salted, which is true. If my understanding is, this has to do with tribulations, trials, the ability to discipline yourself and so forth, perseverance in that, well, everyone is salted that way. Everyone in life, if you live long enough, will have that, as a matter of fact, even if you don't live long enough, there is your fire that you're being, that you're being salted with. Salt is good. These trials, these issues are good. And so I think this is just me. Again, this is a hard one. When you look at this passage, there are a lot of different commentaries on this. And so I wouldn't just come out dogmatically and say that this person is completely wrong. There have been some things that I saw that like, yeah, I don't see that. But this is how I take this. I'd be interested to hear what you guys think about this. Again, this is a kind of obscure. It's only mentioned, only mentioned one time in the Gospels, here in Mark 949. It's not a textual variant. It's not that it doesn't belong. It clearly belongs. It's just, how do we take this? And so this is how I take it. But I'd be interested to hear what you think.