So today we're gonna talk about love attachment styles, why we choose the people we choose. And I'm really excited to have the author of Wired for Love, Dr. Stan Tachkin in the house to share with us his expertise in this area and to help those find more healthy love versus unhealthy love. So Dr. Stan Tachkin, welcome. Thank you, Jonathan. Thanks for inviting me here. Yeah, so let's just dive right into this. Can you give us the clip note version of love attachment style and how someone acquires their love attachment style? It's so funny when you say that, it reminds me of Love American style, which was a TV show when I was growing up. I remember it well. Love attachment style, the song is coming to my head. So people should understand that love is not the same as attachment. Attachment may make us feel like we love, but it's more of a survival matter of biological glue that holds our species together. So that glue is, I think of it as the I can't quit you glue and that has allowed us to be social animals, interactional animals. We basically are herd animals that pair bond within the herd. So attachment is the felt sense, the experience of safety and security with the people that we depend on starting from the very beginning from infancy. If we don't have a secure environment or a secure caregiver, then we make compensations very, very young. We adapt. Before people remember, babies do this right away. And that's a culture, generally speaking, that is either pro-relationship, which is secure or pro-self. And that's really the difference between insecure attachment. I put myself ahead of relationship and secure attachment. I put relationship ahead of myself. Myself is in there, right? But the relationship is more important than myself needs. And I behave in a way that shows that, right? So if I understand that the differentiating is when I, I was thinking that minute you said I was thinking when I put someone up on a pedestal, when I put them above me, if you will, then, and I'm feeling some dependency on them, that is attachment. Versus when I put my own needs first and I still have a relationship with someone, that's not the same dependency. Well, if we're talking about adult relationships, right? Yes, I'm talking about, oh, good point, because I wanna differentiate for our audience. I'd really like to focus in on this conversation about adult relationships. And more importantly, particularly in the area of dating. You know, I think this is a really, this conversation, you know, a lot of times love attachment conversations are based on couples, but I really wanna focus today on that early stages of building a relationship with someone.  And, well, I actually have a quick question for you before I go into the one I was really thinking about. I know in the book Attach, they claim that 50% of people are secure attachment style. And I wanna be candid with you. I don't believe that number to be true. And I'd like to know from your perspective, and I think of this from those people who are actually dating, is there any studies to show what someone's attachment style is before they mate with someone? Well, there are only a few measures that are official. In other words, reliable. And unfortunately, the data that they're referring to in the book Attach are self-reports, which are not really attached. So we could say that our culture is more on the avoidant side, just like Europe. Or parts of Eastern Europe are not on the avoidant side. They're more on the ambivalent side. So it depends on the greater culture because this is actually a way of interacting, a way of being with another person and that is learned through actually the family culture, which is part of the greater system, right? So we don't have that because the instruments for doing this are not as good as we would like in terms of cross-cultural, in terms of cross-economic groups. And so they may not be so accurate. Also, we may also say that in some ways our attachment orientation, which is basically a set of fears based on memory of what happens when I depend on someone, very predictable, is just a human problem, right? It's a human issue about dependency and independence, fears. Both sides, by the way, of insecure attachment would be deemed anxious, right? They're anxious about different things and avoidant is anxious about having their freedom taken from them, being smothered, from not being able to be themselves in a relationship. They have to comply and their main strategy for self-protection is to flee. So, right, but that's anxiety. They just look like they're not. Well, you said something very interesting to me. So, I think you implied here in the United States that probably there's a higher percentage of avoidance than there are anxious. Yeah. And that might be true in other countries as well. That's kind of interesting because I thought there would be a balance between those two numbers. Think of what we always seem to be saying. Self-made person, don't tread on me. I need to be, my freedoms are the most important thing. I'm an independent person. We really, I don't need anybody else in statements like we gotta love ourselves before we can love another person. These are not true, but it's true in our culture. We repeat these things all the time. And so, just by our own expression here, our declaration of independence, we don't have a declaration of interdependence. That's a good point. Which is really what we are. We do need each other.  So, a lot of this is a denial of our actual biology. So, all right, so let's talk about love for a moment because I've observed many people attached to another human being oftentimes in an unhealthy way. Maybe it's a dependency way or whatnot. And they believe that this is love. Now, to them, that's what it feels like. I know I've been that way. I've been in that position where I've been attached to someone in an unhealthy way. And I don't mean a toxic way. I wanna just differentiate the different. It wasn't toxic. It just wasn't very healthy because I put this person on a pedestal. And I believe that that was love. But now when I've reflected upon it after studying this a bit more, I realized, no, it was just an attachment or even a dependency into another person. Why is this confused so frequently? Why do people believe this is love when it's really an attachment? Because attachment has loving aspects attached to it. So when we test people, let's say, we do what's called an adult attachment interview. Okay. We're basically doing a suite for a person's procedural memory of their childhood and their caregivers. And then an autobiographical memory of the same declarative memory, I misspoke, not procedural, but declared memory. We look for loving memories, strongly loving memories or strongly unloving memories because those are the ones that stick, the ones that are meant just for us. So there are attachment behaviors that are felt to be unloving. There are attachment behaviors that are felt to be loving. So you can understand why they're sort of mixed together.  But the main reason is that it's an existential threat to our survival.  It's a death of a part of me, it's a death of something so big I cannot bear it. And that's why people will, at the bottom of all this will hold a relationship for a long time. Now, as a therapist, I can leverage that, that's great. But if people really shouldn't be together and I don't think of it as healthy, I think of it as is this relationship based on two autonomous adults coming together based on terms and conditions, not love. Terms and conditions. And are they both considering each other having shared power and shared authority? Two generals, right? Two executives, two bosses. And that's how I see a secure functioning relationship being an adult, right? It's the only thing that will work and has to remain fair, just and mutually sensitive. That I think works better than healthy unhealthy. Okay, okay. So, you know, I intimate frequently that particularly in the dating realm, we have a significant population who is emotionally unhealthy, you know, whether it's attachment style or unhealed childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas such as divorce, which can be an incredibly traumatic event. We have a population of humans out there in the dating marketplace and just because my demographic is midlife, which is between say 40 and 70, if you will, a significant percentage are divorced. And by the way, that's very kind of you because I'm just at the tip of that spear. But anyway. Okay. Well, you know, I always say it's after baby making years and before retirement, that's kind of a segment I speak to. But what it occurs to me that we have a lot of humans that have poor relationship skills, you know, probably, you know, they might be introspective in one sense of their life, but not necessarily recognizing that they have an attachment issue. And even when you said earlier, it occurs to me that I've witnessed people take the attachment test and the way they answer it is the way they believe they are versus where they really do land on the spectrum. We're not as a whole. We're not good self-reporters. I would say so. In fact, I almost wanna go to the point that there's a level of delusion about our own, you know, emotional maturity in particular and not our capacity to pay our bills and things like that. But I, and so, okay. So I'm trying to formulate a question with this, with what I just shared. But, you know, what's the first step to recognizing that you have what your attachment style is and how this affects how you choose people, you know? And how can we identify this even in the dating realm in those, even just when we're meeting someone for the first time? Did I give you enough there? Yeah, so let me just give an idea for your audience what it would look like, sound like to be, we call them islands, islands, anchors and waves. Islands, the avoidant distancing, derogating of attachment values, and waves, the anxious, ambivalent, or as I used to think of them as angry, resistant, called them waves and anchors secured. So as a wave, I had inconsistent parenting. A lot of come here go away. Parents that or at least one parent that was preoccupied and overwhelmed a lot and needed me to regulate their emotional state too often. And so that's where the self comes first in that camp. And so I became accustomed to not knowing what to expect, whether I should cling, whether I should distance, whether I should go away, come here, right? All of this makes me angry, makes me angry and ambivalent about you. So I stop grabbing what's mine, I become under entitled, I wait for things to come to me, I test my partner constantly. If they love me, if they love me, do you love me? And I'm constantly testing.  I push away because I want so badly to feel secure. I spoil my own, anything that could be good by dashing my hopes purposely so they aren't dashed for me, I'm taking control. And so I am preoccupied constantly perseverating over the relationship, over being rejected. I'm very sensitive to abandonment cues and very sensitive to feeling punished, withdrawal, very sensitive. And I have a lot of, I put a lot of importance emotionally on separations and reunions, right? I'm the person who's more likely at 10 o'clock at night, turn around just before you go to sleep and say, so how's our relationship? That's what an avoidant, like that's what an avoidant? That's what the wave would do. The wave is the anxious ambivalent. Oh, the anxious, okay, I apologize. Okay, okay. In the clinging group, hopefully I didn't confuse them. Yeah, no, no, I got confused. So we were talking about the anxious. So the anxious would say, how's our relationship doing right before bed? Got that, got that. Because I'm lots of bid for connection engagement because I don't like endings that out and like things closing because it triggers abandonment for me. That's the wave. Do you want me to say what that means? I wanna hear the other one. The island had to take care of at least one parent's self-esteem, right? Okay. And their performance and appearance is an issue, is important in the family as a value, not face-to-face eye-to-eye skin to skin over lots of time, but more distancing, more expectation of you being independent son, daughter.  So as an island, I'm not needy. I don't like needy. I am very secretive. I'm compartmentalizing things all the time. I've spent too much time alone, which means that I have secrets, right? And so I am afraid that anything I say can and will get me into trouble. So I set the least amount necessary. I am very worried about having my stuff taken, having my independence, my autonomy, very sensitive to being smothered and golfed. And my only defense is to distance, right? Is to flee. I can only be myself outside of the orbit of this relationship. I cannot be myself yet in the relationship and have boundaries, expectations and stay engaged. So you have two people who are basically self-absorbed. That's where they're the same. They're entirely one person oriented of me, my, I and you, you, you. And that is what doesn't work in a secure functioning union. It's too unfair, too unjust and too insensitive, too much of the time. So, well, I've got another question. I've got lots of questions for you, but all right. I want to come back to the dating environment again, because that's kind of my area. So most women believe that men are the avoidance. That I would say almost all women think men are avoidant. And now I happen to be an anxious, I mean, I'm very familiar with my attachment style. I'm anxious. I had a mother who would emotionally abandon us as children and I would making bids for love constantly when she was stonewalling and being, my mother would go on basically three to five day the silent treatment to everyone in the house. And I recognize now how that created my anxiety because I wasn't receiving love from mom. I was getting, anytime I tried to get a bid for love I'd be rejected for it. And I would try harder and harder to get her love. But bringing it back to my audience who believes men are avoidant, how can they have a healthy relationship with someone who is, that is always looking for the escape clause? What's the way to have a healthy relationship with a person like that? Well, first in my clinic, in my research, in my experience, there are plenty of women that behave, that are in the distancing group. Right? Okay. In the distancing group. Glad you said that. We tend to overlay gender and sex through a lot of behaviors where they're not actually about the gender, it's more about the attachment. Yes. And it's true that boys are raised differently than girls and girls also have brains that are a little bit more put together in terms of relatedness, because of, you know, in terms of our development, relatedness in terms of holding the family together. The men are protecting the cave, protecting the clan and are out more. So there is that the raising of us, but this is more of an attachment issue. So what to do? If you're dating, you should be Sherlock, which is fun. That is really tuning in to your observation skills, really looking at everything, looking at gestures, looking at facial expressions, looking and listening to tone of voice, the manner in which this person is talking, how they treat help, how they talk about their parents, how they talk about their exes. This is a way to really listen and to tune your people skills, even if the date is boring, even if you'll never go out with this person again, people are interesting. And if you want to learn about yourself and people, paying attention, not, you know, being obnoxious and grilling people, but paying attention to what is actually this person doing? What are they, how are they dressing? What are they trying to tell me? Does this track, do I believe them? Do they seem to be avoiding talking about what is true? So there are all sorts of ways to start to pick things up because generally speaking, people are their best selves when they're trying to get the gig. It's very hard to tell because everyone wants to put their best foot forward, very hard to tell who you're with for about a year actually. Yeah, yeah. So, all right, so I have a, as I shared with the audience, you know, I have an anxious attachment style. When I look at the three most significant relationships in my life, and I'm diagnosing them on my behalf, if you will, I would say that they were avoidant, particularly in the area of avoiding being expressive from a communicative perspective. And I'm a very expressive person. I'm the type of person at the end of the night that would say, how's our relationship going? And I was met with a lot of resistance. Why do I attract those women? Like, why is it, you know, like, why do I choose those women? Why do I attract them? Well, there's a lot there. So we all pair bond by recognition and familiarity. We don't pair bond with a total stranger. We have to find something familiar, even familial in them, otherwise we're too far away from home. If they're too much like home, then it's a little like incest. So there's a balance between strangeness and familiarity, right? But so we tend to pick the right person in terms of nature doesn't make that kind of mistake. What tends to happen is that we still don't know how to handle this person, right? When we meet somebody and they start to become primary, and a primary attachment figure, they become a proxy for everybody who came before. And that's why these relationships are among the hardest. It has a long, forgive me, a long memory. And so, because we're back into a dependent kind of relationship. And now I remember, and now I have these needs and expectations and entitlements and so on. So you could be, forgive me, you could be finding somebody who's not an island, not an avoidant, but because of the dynamics of the two-person system, you're affecting each other and you're creating the sense that this other person is an avoidant. It could very well be, right? And the problem, I'm so sorry, my allergies. The problem here is that attachment as a study is based on looking at individuals or pairs, mother-infant pairs. Not so well with adults, which is much more phenomenological and hard to track. So you become a system, and the system is now a thing of itself, right? And we're reacting to each other constantly. I pursue you and you start to distance. You start to pursue me, I start to distance, and that's normal. What we are concerned about are one-trick ponies, people who are locked in to clinging and ambivalence or people who are locked in to distancing and they don't care that they do this, right? That's not a good- Oh, wait, wait, wait, I wanna, that made a big difference for me. They don't care. That room triggered me. Can you elaborate on that piece, please? Cause that's big, I think. So I'm an avoidant, let's say I'm an avoidant. I know I'm an avoidant. It has caused me trouble. I've been down this road many times and no one's been good enough. I think now it's me and I notice what I do. And now I'm ready for a real relationship. I am going to harness my avoidance. And if I do something that is unfair or insensitive to you, I'm going to apologize right away. Okay. The behaviors I'm gonna do reflexively, right? Yeah. But I am letting you know that I want what you want and I understand myself and I'm willing to do this correctly, right? As opposed to, I have no idea that I do this. I think there's something wrong with you. That person's not gonna change. You should not take that person. They are not ready for prime time. Or I know what I am and I like it. Take it easy. Well, I'm guilty of, I'm gonna say the following. And I should know better. I do this for a living and yet I'm still a human being that- Is, you know, that is wishful thinking to some degree where that early stage of the dating process where as Chris Rock would say, we each show up as the ambassador of our best selves. Right. And we're on drugs, endogenous drugs. Yeah, exactly that dopamine, that oxytocin and such. And yet I recognize that I have taken those red flags of the avoidant and I just turned them into green flags. In other words, I look past it even though I cognitively saw this. It's like I saw the iceberg coming to me instead of me going to that or vice versa, if you will. But I still, because there's this place of hope that you're hoping this could change. And I recognize that it took making requests and bids for connection and even though they weren't met, I had to come to that conclusion that this person wasn't going to meet me where I wanted to be met. And it was a tough pill to swallow, you know? And it took me a long time to get to that position. You talk in your book and you've spoken quite a bit about the importance of healthy communication and making requests for what you want in relationship to make requests for your needs in a nonviolent way, of course. Can you talk about that a little bit more when you're with an avoidant or an anxious attacher?  Sure, sure, sure. So there's a remedy for what you're talking about in terms of people really should, and I wrote about this in Wired for Dating, recommend that you make a list not of the perfect partner, right? Okay. Think of a person, think of, you know, person X. What is your idea of a perfect relationship? What, you know, in terms of what we do and what we don't do, we put our relationship first. You might say, yes, that's what I'm looking for. We both agree to put our relationship first. Do we tell each other everything? We're fully transparent with each other. I'm looking for that, that's what I want. We have each other's backs at all times, no exceptions. We repair injuries immediately or soon because we can and because that's a good idea, right? You make a list of what the perfect relationship is, focus on the relationship, not the person. That will help you screen out people who are inappropriate and then you trot them around to your peeps and you have them vetted, which is what we have to do because we are on drugs. And we have to trust our social network to tell us if we ask them, I don't like how you look with this person. You don't seem to be yourself. I don't trust this person, right? Male, female, young, old. That's the way it's done. And that I think is a better way to think about what you want and what you're looking for. That person has to be attracted to the same things you are. And it'll show you that they're capable of doing that.  I actually talk about the importance of vetting. And a lot of people don't even know what that word means, but it's really finding out as much about this person as you possibly can before you give your heart to another person is to ask those tougher questions. Now, many of my contemporaries in the dating realm with you will would rather people to keep it casual, to keep it light, to not get too deep with someone because that will spoil attraction. I kind of have a different philosophy. And I'm gonna say this a little tongue in cheek. I believe we should interrogate people. Now I say that tongue in cheek, but my point is- You could give them sodium ametal. Yeah, exactly. Oh, if you could, I would. But the point is not everyone is gonna be truthful and certainly people lie to themselves, but the idea is to ask those tougher questions. And what that does build is when you're actually having deeper conversation, you actually have a more intimate connection, potentially intimate connection with someone that I don't mean physically. I just mean emotionally. When you ask deeper questions early on and I'd love to know how you feel about that in the dating process. I think it's fine as long as the person doing this isn't seen as interrogating. Because nobody likes that. Nobody likes that. Thank you very much. Good night. Nobody likes that. And so there's a way of being interested in a person. Okay. Right? You're showing your interest in that person and you want to know things about them.  Yeah. You tend to do, are you moving upward in the world? You know, where do you stand on children?  So- Okay. So, you know, this is people's skills. This is why I say, dating is great practice for learning how to read faces, read voices, read the room, watch them, pay attention, right? Not necessarily judge, but notice what you are judging, notice what you are seeing. That's a smooth way of doing things and hopefully the other person's doing the same thing with you. Keep in mind though, it's, you know, the heart staying away from that is not exactly easy to do because nature, when we find each other, wants us to make. So- Well, I encourage, I actually encourage, you know, before you actually meet someone is to have a deeper conversation on the telephone, you know, and it could be as simple as saying, oh, how was, you know, where did you grow up? How was your childhood? What were your parents like? And, you know, a lot of actually people speak volume, just those three things, where did you grow up? What was your childhood like? What were your parents like? Can speak volumes as to a person's level of emotional maturity, particularly if they had a traumatic childhood and there was no healing done after the fact. So, bringing it back to- If somebody says they had a perfect childhood, perfect parents, that's usually an avoidant, by the way. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, because- Oh, because they're avoiding the pain that they experience in childhood. So- Yeah, they strip out any kind of negative emotion. Okay. Well, really quickly, I wanna let everyone know who's watching. If you have a question for Stan or I, Dr. Tackin, please write the word question in the chat box and then post your question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat so it'll be highlighted. So again, if you have a question, write the word question then post the question there after. So, let me see. Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. How does attachment style differentiate from Amago? I know Harbell Hendricks did the forward for your book. I'm sure you're very familiar with the Amago. How is that different than love attachment style? My love, love, love, this man, by the way. Okay.  Amago comes a little bit bored. Hopefully he won't disagree with me, maybe he will. But I've always seen this a little more Jungian in the language and the idea because we're talking about the same thing I'm talking about how we pair bond that we do it by familiarity and he has exercises that we'll kind of demonstrate. You know, that we line up in some way. And so an attachment could be overlaid there. You could see elements of attachment theory. Okay. But attachment isn't a personality. Attachment is fluid and plastic. It can change and does change, you know, as long as the relationship you're in is with somebody who perhaps is more secure than you or if you are doing what we call secure functioning which is a set of behaviors. You might think of them as social contracts that are based on equality, fairness, justice, sensitivity, mutuality, cooperation, collaboration. That is secure functioning. And if you do that more likely than not over time, you start to become more secure because all the threats are being eliminated taken off the table. But so attachment is an adaptation to environment. It's an adaptation and- It's not way to adapt to our environment. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Okay. These two babies adapt immediately to the primary caregiver's behaviors and they get it right away whether they should do proximity seeking or draw, right? Whether they should use contact maintenance and hold on and cling or whether they shouldn't do that. Whether they should look up when the caregiver comes in the room or whether they should continue playing. So this is simply an adaptation to the gut. Our parents, yeah. Yeah, by the way, we have a couple of questions already popping in. So I don't know if you can see it on the screen there. Yes, it's kind of like, can cats and dogs get along? Yeah, so what's your response to this one? Can cats and dogs live happily ever after? Absolutely, absolutely. Secure functioning is about growing up, growing up and doing what is right and what is best as a greet upon by the two of you even though it's going to be the hardest thing to do. That's how we do it, right? Okay. You don't govern by emotion, you govern by purpose, by what needs to be done, so say us both, not because we will want to do it, but because it's the best thing we could do or the right thing we could do. Okay, so follow up to that question comes from Jess. How do we let go of the outcome and just let things progress naturally? I'm not sure exactly what Jess, you mean about that. You seem to have something in mind. The outcome is your mutual vision that the two of you have. You have to be, whoever you're with, and this is two of all unions in a free society, right? We get each other on board because we want to go the same place. We have a vision. We both are pointing in the same direction. We both see our purposes being the same. We're together, we're a survival unit. We have each other's backs. We're, it's us against the world. We're the most important people in the room, in any room. And that's how we roll. That's our sense of purpose in terms of the greater union, right? But where are we going? And that's a constant. If you are pointing in two different directions, that will not work. It doesn't mean you're wrong. It just means it doesn't work. I want polyamory. You want monogamy. Neither of us are wrong, but we can't work together. We can't live together. We won't work. Well, I think of it along the lines of, there's a you, there's a me, and then the relationship is a separate entity. It's something we co-create that's greater than ourselves. Exactly, and I sadly don't see, I think in the dating realm today, sadly, most of it is either hooking up or casual micro-relationships. They're not really solidifying something where the relationship, as I say, is a separate entity. Do you call it a couple bubble or is that what that's called in the book? Yeah, in Wired for Love. Yeah, Wired for Love. Couple bubble basically means that, like I said, we're the most important people in any room. We protect each other in public and private. Everyone's coming to our party. We're in charge of everyone and everything. We are the leaders. Therefore, we're in charge, right? This is a separate country with its own sovereignty. Therefore, don't mess with us. Don't mess with us. We are rabidly devoted to each other's well-being, safety, security, and happiness. Why? Because we can, and because the alternative would be not great, right? This is, that's an example of a social contract. Let's do this and let's never do that. Agreed? Well, I'm on board with that 100%. I, well, it's interesting. I don't know if you know Rabbi Manis Freedman. Yeah, yes. Well, I had him on my channel a few weeks back and why I'm bringing this up. You still have a ponytail? Pardon me? You still have a ponytail? Well, I didn't see the ponytail, but he had the long beard and the yarmulke for sure. But why I'm bringing him up is I really, I started to watch some of his videos and to the extent that he was stressing the importance of marriage. And to me, why that was so important to me, yeah, I've been, look it, I got married in my late 20s, had a marriage, got divorced, I've had a couple relationships since then. And during that period of time for a good 15 plus years of being single, I was just casually dating. I really didn't have an intent to get married. I think because I felt so hurt after my marriage ended and some of the things that happened to me since then. I now have a clear understanding that I wanna be married, like I wanna actually be a husband at some point. And because I have that intent, I operate completely different in the dating realm versus when I was casual and had no direction. Yeah. And no real, and so to me, and when I think of the couple bubble, is that, you know, like the power couple, if you will, I like that idea that I'm mated with someone and we are something substantial. I think a lot of people, particularly in midlife who have gone through a divorce don't have a real clear understanding of what they want in relationship. They might want something that fills time and it's companionship and connection and physical sex and whatnot, but not something greater than that. And I'm curious what you might think why this isn't happening significantly. You know, in terms of learning about how to do relationships, we're a mess. Yeah. We don't have instructions. Religion is not a good instructor. No matter what religion. In fact, there are problems with some of the ideas that religion espouses. Oh, okay. So we don't have a model and therefore that's one of the problems. We're all coming to the table with what we imagined should be. Okay. With expectations. Some of them are conscious, a lot of them aren't until we get into the relationship. That's why I'm saying very strongly, this is a team sport, not a solo sport.  If you are not the co-creators, good luck. Somebody else then is and it's likely your family of origin, not you.  It's an abstraction, it's made up. So make up something that is the same. That's what you have to do. Well, I'm sorry. Well, it occurs to me is, we've been indoctrinated in a philosophy that men are the leaders of the relationship. Particularly men do the asking out, men plan the dates, they do all that. They're the leaders and to some degree, men are the ones who do the asking of commitment. They're the ones who do asking for a relationship. I'm in agreement, by the way, it should be a co-creative experience. I am a full agree, I believe relationships should be a two lane street where you're both mutually investing in it.  Which is war, yeah. So remember, there's a difference between getting in the door and staying in, in that room. Nature gets us in, right? Through hormones and other groovy neurochemicals that make us blind to judgment, right? Okay. And so do your thing, if it appeals to you to play the male stereotype, the female stereotype, if that's what gets you into the gig, fine. But make no mistake, once you are a primary attachment system, in other words, you believe that you're both permanent, there's a dependency matter here. That is when the rubber hits the road. And that is when fairness and justice will be an issue. Equality will be an issue. Okay. And the only way to mitigate big fights that are going to happen is to co-construct what are we? Why are we? What are we? Why do we exist? It cannot be about love because love is a feeling, like all feelings that comes and goes. You cannot bank on it. Purpose is the only thing that we can bank on, right? And therein lies earned love through what we do and what we don't do because we agreed to do that. It takes discipline. It takes the ability to come up together and be legislators together. Both have to be leaders or you get what you pay for. So... Well, I was gonna ask you. So in the dating realm, when should we have these conversations? Like when is the time? Not early. Well, yeah, but the minute, these days sex happens on the third date. I mean, like, so two people become physically intimate with one another. And in the minute you become, especially for women, when they do become physically intimate, the oxytocin starts to get released, they can bond with this person.  It takes the ability to put principle ahead of loss. That's the point. All right, one more time, I want you to repeat that. It takes maturity, it takes discipline to put principles ahead of loss. Okay. I have principles that I want to see whether you are attracted to them and whether you adopt them as well. Therefore, I can't know, you know, we could wait forever for me to find out for sure whether you do or not, no, I'm a year, but that is why I'm telling people to create image in your mind what the relationship you want should be, must be. Okay. That will give you a way to just get a sense of whether this person matches this or not. Even in the early times, you know, when you're together, you start to get a sense of whether this person is the kind of person who would want to put our relationship above and beyond everyone and everything else, which I'm a fan of. Whether this person would work as a team or is this a solo person? Is this a solo sport person who likes to do things on their own?  And does this person look like they're fit for the job before a job interview? Now, you can't ask all these questions because a lot of this is based on performance, not words. Yes, I agree with that. And so the discipline here is, yes, is it hard to break up with someone once I've attached to them? Yes, yes, yes. This is the, I can't quit you biology, but we're greater than that. We're not just primitives. Primitives will do anything to avoid loss, but life is lost. And like I said, you get what you pay for. If you place your principles at a higher level in a way that's good for me and you, it's not just for me, it's for me and you. And you are not fitting that bill. That's a deal breaker. And I have to tolerate the loss otherwise. So at what point in the getting to know you process, should it start moving towards that couple bubble?  Do you wait six months? Do you wait three months? When should two people, and I know this is subjective. So- It really is. And it's not a time thing. Okay, okay. It's because there are too many moving parts, too many factors on how experienced are these two people? How much experience have they had? If they're older, they're likely to be more authentic. Maybe, maybe not. And how ready are they for a serious relationship as defined by them, right? And are they living together? If you're living together, yeah, it's fair to start to think about how are we gonna do this? Living together is, again, teamwork, right? Yeah. How are we gonna do this? Travel together. That's a good way of pointing out whether you can get along, whether you can work together, whether you can, right?  I'm just getting to know you, right? Yeah. All sorts of ways to do this. And the more strategic you are, the better. The more you know and study people, the better. Yeah. We got another question that came in. Why do I tend to attract men who have some type of mental health disorder? Well, it could be that you're dealing with the human primate, which is prone to have mental disorders as a species. It could be that. It could be, I don't know what mental disorders you're attracting. Well, we hear a lot. We hear a lot. Put that in, please.  Oh, put that with specifically. Well, I think the primary one I hear about all the time is narcissism. Narcissist, narcissist, narcissist. We hear that as the primary disorder. Yes, sometimes bipolar, sometimes borderline, but we hear narcissism like 24-7. I know. I'm not assuming that's what she said, but I'm gonna take a stab in the dark. It's a thing. It's bandied about like codependent. It's bandied about like aspergers or on the spectrum. These diagnostics were never intended for late people, by the way. Unfortunately, we're using them today as a cudgel, a way of batting people away and categorizing them because they're difficult, right? But fact is our culture is far in a way the most narcissistic to date than ever, ever, ever. So look at yourself in the mirror, folks. Geez. Sometimes it's the kettle called the, she called calling the kettle black. This is the age of narcissism.  So deal with that. No, I'm glad you said that. I mean, and by the way, that was a tough thing to say. I should, and I'm not, I mean, only to suggest is, you know, I think we all, like I look at the list of what narcissism is. I'm like, well, I took off a few of those boxes, you know, yet I'd like to think I have empathy and I apologize incessantly because I'm human and I make mistakes. But, you know, it saddens me because in the lexicon today, there's just that conversation has so dominated the dating realm that it's a way to, I think avoid for some people to look at how they participated in the relationship by putting the blame all on the other person and not really looking how they contributed to whether they accepted bad behavior or whether they contributed to the relationship. I think in the dating realm, particularly, many people don't look inward and say, how was I the cause of what happened in this dynamic, you know, good or bad, and learn from those experiences, you know, and say, how can I grow? Because I think those people have a better chance of having a relationship that has some sort of cohesiveness than those that are avoiding, you know, taking ownership in their own part. Let me say something very important to level the field here.  You are not low, you know, low needy, not low maintenance, nobody is low maintenance up close over time, nobody. That's a fallacy. Human primates are by nature and always has been, have been warlike, aggressive, moody, fickle, opportunistic, easily influenced by groups, and we otherize, we're xenophobic, racist, right? We otherize, and by pointing out narcissists, that is exactly in our nature, we otherize people. They're too different for us to get along with, right? And so we use whatever we can to externalize our pain. So here's how we operate. I'm unhappy, I don't know why I'm just so unhappy. Oh yeah, I just figured it out. It's you, that human nature, folks. By the way, there's a show on show time called couples therapy. I don't know if you've ever seen it. And I remember in the second season, the therapist said, you know, most couples come into a couples therapy session and they do this. It's the other person's fault, you know? And that's all people, by the way. Yeah, and so what I am a big proponent, what I talk about so much is the importance of doing your inner work, doing personal development, self-help, spiritual work, therapy, do introspective work, take ownership of where you participated in an ending of a relationship and ask yourself, do the tests of love attachment style, speak to a therapist, find out how you can be a better partner going forward, particularly in the area of communication because when you are an anxious person and you're with an avoidant, the most important thing is to communicate your needs, right? And are you with somebody who wants to support your needs and vice versa versus those that are going to avoid it? Before we wrap up, do you have any words for our audience? And then if you do, please share that and also how they can get in touch with you as well. If I were allowed in some world without getting arrested or sued to take you out there and bind your inner legs to your partner and you would have to do that for a week or a month, you would understand how this works. This is not what you think. This is an interdependent relationship having the same things to gain and the same things to lose or you shouldn't be doing it. You wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom together without working together. You wouldn't be able to get water. You wouldn't be able to do anything. If one of you moved too fast because you were bored, you'd both fall. So, or think of a potato sack race. Where would you be in the race? You're probably arguing at the start line. You don't go anywhere. That's on the two of you, not one of you. That's on both of you. It is a different ball game. It's a two-person psychological system where the formula must be, and this is hard, I have to take care of myself and you at the same time. Or you will see me as adversarial, full stop. That is the only way to do this. And it's hard because it takes tolerating pain, it takes discipline, and it takes co-creating rules of governance that we hold each other to, so that we protect each other from each other. In other words, we plan for our devils, not our angels. You know, first off, I will never cancel you for saying that. I just want you to know, I think that actually needs to be yelled at the top of, many of us are longs to express the importance of, look, what are we doing this for? Are we just having a good time? Are we actually exploring something deeper? And if we are, then let's make a commitment to that and do our best. And if it doesn't work out, that's okay too. But sadly, because of all of our neuroses and our behaviors and such, we have to learn this the hard way. Dr. Stan Tachkin, how can people get in touch with you? Easy, you can go to thepactinstitute.com, that's the P-A-C-T, institute.com. If you're in the mental health field, we do trainings all over the world. And if you are a couple, we do couple workshops, my wife and I, and we're gonna do a fabulous retreat. It's a five-star retreat in Portugal next year. So you'll find all of that at that website. Oh, I wanna get, well, first I need a partner and then I wanna go. And I wanna find out about your, Jonathan Craigslist. Okay, okay, I use match.com. I just wanna remind everyone of Dr. Stan Tachkin's book, Wired for Love, and there's a link below to get a copy. Also, he has a new book called In Each Other's Care. Can you show that really quickly? Oh, probably. Yeah, I want everyone to see this. I'll put a link below. Also, I'll make sure, there's his new book, In Each Other's Care. And I'll also put a link to connect with Dr. Stan Tachkin. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. We had a couple people say the following, where did some, we had some really nice comments. Jane wants to say thank you, Mr. Tachkin. Thank you, Jonathan. We're getting a lot of great feedback. You were really a blessing, the work you're doing out there. And I just wanna thank you for being on. I really appreciate it. Thank you, thank you. I'm a true believer, by the way. Okay. Everyone, I'm gonna wrap up this video, as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give either of them a hug of love, because hugs are a great source of love. And Stan, I'm reaching out to give you a hug as well. Thank you so much. I'll give you a kiss, Jonathan. All right, thank you. Bye, everyone.


After the recent COVID-19 surge in Pike County, some may be wondering if they'll qualify for a third shot or a booster of the COVID-19 vaccine. But what is the difference? So let's talk about the difference between the third dose and the booster. So what's the difference between the third dose that we're all talking about and the booster for COVID-19? The third dose is really we're looking at a change in dosing for both Moderna and Pfizer for a very specific population, the immunocompromised, moderately to severely immunocompromised. So if you were walking through public health front doors today for your very first vaccine for COVID, we would ask you a few questions and determine if you had a normal immune system and would require two doses or are you an immunocompromised individual and would require three doses. And for those that would need three doses, they were allowed to play catch up to come in and get their third dose. But under normal circumstances, you would come in, you would get your initial vaccine, you would wait three to four weeks to get your second vaccine. And then if you're immunocompromised, you would come back four weeks later and get a third vaccine. Here at Pikeville Medical Center's Heart and Vascular Institute, we have assembled a comprehensive team of cardiac specialists bringing expertise from all regions of the nation and the world. We have coupled that with cutting edge technology, providing them the best equipment and operating rooms available. The result is comprehensive cardiac care for the people of our region that is second to none. The Heart and Vascular Institute at Pikeville Medical Center. Under the emergency use authorization, third doses of the Pfizer and Moderna are approved for immunocompromised patients. Since the FDA's recent approval of the Pfizer vaccine, 65 and older and those at high risk are approved for a third dose. A booster is a vaccine that would be necessary for a specific population that would have waning immune response from their original vaccine series. So the FDA was looking at Pfizer and they were looking at studies and data and determining if immune response was waning enough six months, eight months out from the initial vaccine series to authorize a booster vaccine. Now that was their decision. They determined that if you had had a Pfizer, not Moderna, but a Pfizer vaccine and it had been six months or longer and you fit a specific category 65 years of age or older, working in high risk public areas where you would be exposed, that you would qualify for a booster. But we are waiting on ASIP's final approval and recommendations for how to administer that booster. For Mountain Top News, I'm Joel Korjol.


Hi everyone. This is Alulita Sharma. I am one of the co-chairs for the technical advisory group for observability at the CNCF. And I am happy to present this session on giving you an update of what we have been doing in the technical advisory group, short also known as TAG. And along with Matt Young, who is my fellow co-chair and of course the third co-chair being Richard Hartman, who is unable to join us today. I'd like to first of all do introductions and a very quick introduction for Matt Young, who is my fellow co-chair. Matt is a principal cloud architect at Evercoat and is deep in the midst of architecting, infrastructure, services, developer-focused tooling for all things cloud at Evercoat. He has had an extensive amount of experience and specializes in research as well as development of embedded systems, virtualization, distributed applications, and for his architecture, a lot of different areas. And Matt also has been an awesome co-chair for the CNCF SIG observability and of course in his spare time, the copious spare time finds some zen in his family motorcycles and tennis matches. That's it. Again, Matt, over to you and let's walk through the rest. Certainly. Thank you, Allelita. So Allelita joins us, hello everyone. Allelita joins us recently and is our newest co-chair. We are thrilled to have her fill our third co-chair spot. She brings with her a wealth of industry experience and background, not only in the technical aspects of observability tooling, but also perhaps more importantly for the tag, or as importantly rather, experience and a demonstrated track record of building open source communities and fostering them and shepherding them both from a technical but also from an interpersonal and organizational perspective. She is a member of the Open Telemetry Governance Committee. She's a board. She's on the board of directors of the Unicode Consortium. She has served on the boards of OSI and SFLC. In addition, she's led engineering teams at places you may have heard of before, such as Wikipedia, Twitter, PayPal and IBM. Most recently, she is heading up observability and open telemetry work at AWS. So we welcome her and we're really looking forward to what comes next. Before we start, I really would like to call out some words that speak to us from the 70s and 80s. Donella Meadows was a researcher that was the first person to tell us that we as a species are going to run out of wood and oil. She was part of the Systems Research Group out of MIT with Mr. Forrester. And posthumously, a book was published a few years ago called Thinking in Systems, and it summarizes almost 30 years of her work. It's relevant in particular for observability because that work that she contributed to, and in many cases spearheaded, gave us concepts like reinforcing feedback loops and stocks and flows. Basically, the control theory that was the precursor to the declarative state and its controller reconciler pattern that we find in Kubernetes and operators and what has really driven a lot of the complexity that observability tooling has grown in the open source space to me. One of her quotes that I find the most encouraging and relevant here is, in spite of what you majored in or what the textbooks say, or what you think you're an expert at, follow a system wherever it leads. It will be sure to lead across disciplinary lines. Later on, we'll be talking about some of the futures and the potential that we have in the tag. We welcome and desperately need folks of all disciplines, program managers, product managers, you know, people who enjoy writing, video editing, all manner of disciplines, not just engineering, specifically not just engineering. With that, what is this observability stuff? What is it? Is it this? Is it just lots of screens so that everywhere you look, you don't need to move a muscle just eyeballs and you can see all the things, maybe. To set some context though, think back. Not so long ago, in the beginning, we had monoliths and they were great, they weren't broken, they just worked. And then we had to go and break it all, or supercharge it, depending on your point of view. But in either regard the complexity that microservices and everything that's come after it, from server sediments to event streaming to big data and the lot, all of it has dramatically increased the complexity of observability tooling. We've created wonderful complex monsters and we need wonderfully monstrous tools to wrangle what's happening as we attempt to understand and comprehend the complicated interactions and the systemic behavior of the cloud native systems that we're so actively engaged in creating. So, you know, there's a lot of ways to define observability. It has become almost a buzzword, but to me, monitoring tells you whether the system works. Observability lets you ask why it's not working. And in that nuance, I think we find space and opportunity for a tremendous amount of innovation moving forward. So, without taking away Alulita. All right, so I think you know that's very good segue into what, you know, we are looking at in terms of what observability does for you right and observability fundamentally is the, you know, in the court, we looked at right before. It gives you as a user, the ability to understand how your system is functioning right and and and if there is a change in behavior of the system, the health of the system. It's important to first of all collect the data and understand that data to be able to process and analyze that data and then be able to actually understand behavioral patterns that tell you what is wrong. And then you remediated and hopefully in the long run, you know, moved towards self healing systems where the systems are smart enough to be able to, you know, prescribe and adopt fixes to remediate a particular change in behavior, right and and have continually running optimal systems. With that said, again, the types of data that we are looking at in observability today are particularly focused on three data signals right their metrics which are aggregatable. You could be picking up Delta metrics or cumulative aggregations and being able to collect that from all kinds of data sources to better understand the you know what the behavior of a particular pulse on the system is at any particular point in time, you have tracing, which is looking at traces you know through an application. And how in a span of time, I am, you know, an application is that snapshot of data, and then you have logging right with logs, which collect data, you know, constantly near records of snapshots of you know data being collected for particular actions happening for a particular data source and then being able to actually collect that and then transmitted to a monitoring system where you can look at the behavior analyze it, you know, apply sophisticated data patterns and be able to analyze and assess the behavior further. Can you move to the next slide. So, as you, as you see, you know, there is fundamental data signals of metrics tracing and logging that is already being, you know, used in the monitoring systems that we have especially for cloud native platforms, but also for cloud native applications and as we move into, you know, being making the full stack of an application observable all the way from the bare metal to the Linux to the kernel to the operating system kernel to the networking stack to the middle there to the application frameworks to all the way to the application, you have continuous profiling data, for example, coming in and intersecting as, you know, traces and metrics, you have crash dumps coming in, you know, real time from different systems, you may also have other types of signals coming in, and events, right, which could be construed as logs or could be as events in themselves, you know, with some metrics wrapped in. Next slide, please. So, that said, you know, the this is kind of a moving target right now because there's a lot of data that is trillions and trillions of petabytes of data being collected from systems that we are constantly monitoring. And as we, you know, move towards more sophisticated observability, testing, fuzzing chaos testing are all areas that will intersect with you know how we are making systems more observable and building end to end pipelines for being able to handle that. So, with that said, again, I would like to kind of just show you, you know, some of the complexity that we have had in this space that we are looking at in observability. As Cindy Streeter and says, while plainly having access to logs, metrics and traces doesn't necessarily make systems more observable. These are powerful tools if understood well, unlock the ability to build better systems.  Similarly for deployment. You know, in deployment environments having integration test load tests, shadowing soak tests for releasing where you have canary, you know, canaries, traffic shaping exception tracking, or even for post release where you have you know logs events chaos testing ab testing and user monitoring events coming in auditing, you know, and even on call experience all the way from your customer. And each one of these areas has data that is collected which you know as we look at the system end to end holistically gives a very good, you know understanding of the current health of the system current status of the system and leads to far more end to end, you know, complete well adapted user experience for end users. So with that said, I'll switch over to Matt, who will talk more about why observability matters. Thank you, so I'll take this opportunity to say that in the tag today in the in the group that we formed over the last little over a year now. We have tremendous representation from the vendor community, as well as the project community, you know, projects primarily focused on observability tooling. We'll talk a little later. But, you know, the tag is a place where not only vendors and not only projects that are making observability related tooling can come together but also end users that are using these techno these technological building blocks and the capabilities that they provide to deliver value to their businesses. And so this is actually a slide from a few years ago when we set out to build out an open source observability platform. Not because it was open source, but because it solved business challenges in a way that was, you know, forward looking what we need, and that we could engage with and contribute to and mutate and expand. And so, some of the values that we that we took on and I would, I think that many others in similar situations have some of these same values. It's worth understanding the why, you know, why are we engaged in this, the technical pursuits are a delight of their own. Right. And we can look at this as engineers and say what are all the ways that what are all the capabilities we can do what are the cool things that we can we can accomplish. But people trying to use this stuff in the real world have perhaps a different view of what's valuable. Sometimes things that are technically nuanced and interesting might be too complicated to understand, or not pragmatic to deploy.  What do we do, you know, how do we respond. What's the, what's the workflow and how can these tools inform that. How do we secure our intellectual property, but also more importantly how do we secure the data that our customers entrust to us, you know, we're the stewards of that data, and as more and more businesses go online as verticals, such as health insurance and medical and biology, you know, all of these, all of these fields have customer information and personal information that might even be not only sensitive from a privacy perspective but in addition it medically protected in a regulatory way. So how do we do that. How do we observe these systems while protecting the integrity and the privacy of our customers. On the operational side, how do we do auto scaling, how do we detect anomalies, you know, how do we, how do we know what things are costing and how we might be able to optimize them from a values perspective and, you know, observability tooling that helps us achieve these business goals, you know, to be fiscally responsible to in a perfect world not have to scale infrastructure costs with with traffic costs for example. And all manner of business goals, you know, observability tooling the ability to see what's happening and why and how these things relate to each other. The value they provide is vast. And there's again a huge opportunity to innovate in the space and to build a top and with what's already been put in place over the last few years in this space in the which is in its own right substantial. So it's an exciting time to be in this space. And we welcome all no coupon talk is complete without seeing this chart at least once. If we focus in on just the observability section of the landscape, you know, it's grown dramatically and continues to. There are so many companies and and projects that are thriving in the space and part of the tags function is to work with them. So I've said tag a bunch of times. I should really define what it is. This diagram is courtesy of Chris our CTO CNCF and the Linux Foundation in a blog post he made announcing new to see members earlier this year. In the purple box here special interest groups is what we used to be called. So interestingly, just over a year ago, SIG observability was formed. And just a less all within the same year, SIGs were renamed to tags tags stands for technical advisory group. And tags exist to inform the TOC on gaps in the ecosystem, as well as to foster those same ecosystems by, you know, in a number of ways, consistent with their charter. A little over a year ago, members of the community came together and created the charter for tag observability. It was a consensus document contributed to by over 20 people from a number of CNCF members. I've highlighted some some excerpts that are really relevant now as we look forward to what what comes for the next for the rest of this year and into 2022. And the top level item really is to foster and sustain the observability ecosystem. Again, that is inclusive of end user community members vendors projects in the observability space but also projects generally within the umbrella of the CNCF. Nearly any project has observability goals and concerns. And so, you know, the tag is a place where these these these groups can come together in productive discussion. We exist to identify gaps in the CNCS portfolio of projects. For example, the octant project out of VMware came to present to our tag a few months ago, they're an Apache to project. They are not part of the CNCF yet they are in scope because they are an open source observability tool. Similarly, end user community members have written their own tools command line tools, and other sorts of solutions of all types that that may one day be in the CNCF umbrella of projects but are not yet but our open source. So they are in scope, and they are part of our community. We exist to curate and disseminate patterns and best practices. Speaking from a personal experience, I've benefited greatly by being able to collaborate with others in the space as as at my company. We have been deploying an open source observability stack with some success. Provide users with unbiased information. Again, as all of these. Vendors come together under a shared banner. You know, we can produce guidance and curate information that is not architecture that is not a pitch, but it's just, you know, there to provide information that can be trusted. It's a vendor neutral setting for thought validation. You know, many of the open standards that we have exist, primarily because vendors have decided that interoperability is paramount. So I will talk about this more but the tag exists specifically to provide that forum to have those discussions in a structured and safe way. So over the last year, the tag has participated in due diligence assessments and reports as projects seek to move from the sandbox to incubation. I need to be clear that the tag is not an arbiter. It's not a decider. Again, it's a it's a place where domain experts congregate and are committed to providing the technical oversight committee unbiased, usable, actionable information as as part of due diligence. So that end users can be assured that, you know, incubation means a certain level of assessment and and foundational homework has been done, the due diligence reports that have come out of these efforts and and all of the other due diligence reports across the umbrella of CNCF projects are found as an end user immensely useful. I encourage you all to check them out. If you're trying to figure out, is this project a good fit or how is it a good fit. These are a wealth of information that is provided in the open. So we're proud to have contributed to a number of those due diligence reports. In addition, we've had guests from from from open source projects that are entering the CNCF in the sandbox phase. Pixie is an example of that. New Relic has recently open sourced Pixie and rather has donated Pixie to the CNCF and they're entering. They came in and had a chance. So the tag really is a place where it's a little bit of what's new, what's current, what's challenging, what's pressing, all of those, all of those topics might might might be found at one of our meetings. Unless we kicked off a working group in end user driven observability white paper, that's in progress and will be out for community review in the coming months. So that that working group has has launched successfully, and we're seeing some great collaboration between our end user community members. We'll talk about what's coming next. Yeah, absolutely. And thanks, Matt. We are in exciting times and observability as you know are the open source projects that are all under the CNCF umbrella, whether that's Thanos or Cortex or open telemetry and many other projects like pixie. All working towards specific goals that they have and you know, working towards what's the coolest and newest feature in their in their repertoire. So what we would like to do and this is something again I invite all of you to kind of come and think about and discuss with us is that provide more guidance of what's coming in in the ecosystem obviously as subject matter experts, many of us track what's coming in and very actively work and what's coming up and what's being built in the observability tool sets and tool kits, and as well as build that out, you know to be make available as webinars being able to make available as you know YouTube talks in the CNCF tag channel, and we can leverage a lot of provide case studies from end users as well as you know different pipelines that end users and developers are using for these observability components in the in our open source projects, as well as have project demos for the year, you know, in the umbrella projects that are within the CNCF umbrella as well as outside cross collaboration is something very important so we do think that, you know, being able to demo and learn from each other is a great way to actually build interoperability and open standards towards making it easier for customers to use observability components out of the box. Another area we're looking at is work work group topics, such as you know continuing to have cross project engagement where we are discussing as I said you know collaboration as well as open standards interoperability test suites and other ways to collaborate closely together. As well as you know other projects such as gathering feedback from end users for persona development, which is a joint project we've been working with other sister projects on and needless to say you know there are multiple many many many companies that are you know participate in our discussions and have discussed over time. We have tagged participants from multiple companies these are just few of them listed here thanks to everyone you know for participating and continuing to participate. And I would also like to actually last but not least welcome all of you to join us for these discussions, you know, a advisory group meeting or a user group meeting is as good as the participation that we have in them from everyone and all of us and all of you. And just to call out we have meetings on the first and third Tuesdays of the month, where their observability meeting notes that we maintain and you can go and look at them anytime catch up on what was discussed but these meetings also recorded so you can catch up on our YouTube channel. The GitHub repository where you can track all the you know active work that's ongoing whether those are evaluations or any other comments that people you know are adding our feedback. There is a slack channel to tags dash observability that you can join and you know meet other fellow observability members and experts and as well as a mailing list where there's a fair bit of activity for example around the white paper and other work groups that are ongoing. We'd of course love to have more work groups and so and and really welcome your feedback. Welcome you to come and help and join in to discuss. If you have a passion for developer tools and experience you don't want to share your experience. This is a great place to do that. The idea is for you know improving observability in general in terms of the open source projects that we have and the different discussions that are ongoing. So that's engineering discussions technical discussions on implementation that's design practices, good practices on, you know how end users can build consume instrumentation well, or can be making configurations easier there's a lot of topics in this space, and as well as you know solutions that work for you, and tools that you're building. So that said I would love to invite you again, you know to please join in. I would also like to last but not least call out and acknowledge all the folks who have actually participated very actively in our meetings. Again, you know this is quite a large list and really it's been exciting through the whole year we're looking forward to having lots more participation and lots more cool areas that we work in and observability in this coming year. So again, would love to invite everybody to join in for the, for the tag meetings that are regularly held as well as follow us on the channel. Slack channel and look forward to having and seeing you on on more projects and observability at the tag meetings. I'm running off now. I'll leave this is a Lisa Sharma and Matt here Matt young. As as chairs see you there.


For folks who just had the unlimited amateur derby final, I'm here with the winner at the 2017 Summer Spectacular and that's Carol Anderson Ward who rode crafty with cows and scored a 220. Congratulations to you. Thank you. Boy it was fun out there. So this is your first big win here? Yeah. I was reserve champion at the Paterity in the Unlimited on a, what would it be, nephew of this horse. So I have the whole family at home and they're all really cowy and good horses so just fun getting to ride one and then the next and this will take crafty over 200,000 in earnings. So you've obviously been quite successful with the horse at other shows. Yeah. R.L. Chartier was third in the Paterity on him this last year. Darren just tied for the win at the Pacific Coast derby in June and yeah he's just a great little pony. So how did you feel in the go-arounds and coming into the event? Nervous. Really nervous. I mean when you ride a good one you just don't want to let him down you know so you're just trying so hard not to make a mistake. When I was warming him up I rode across to here and R.L. was here and he did the original training on him and then he moved after Superstakes back to California with us and with Darren and when I rode across I saw R.L. sitting there and I said oh this is fun R.L. and he's got a big smile on his face and one of them that was sitting there said oh if you think this is fun wait till you ride down to that herd and there was something about that exchange that just made me relax and I just went down there to enjoy it and you know it worked out it was just just kind of a dream come true on a horse that I love. What can you remember about your ride and the cows that you chose? Well my first cut I really wanted the white cow with a little smudge over its brand and it just wanted to kind of hang up and stay inside the herd I couldn't get it to the outside and then one of our other favorites stepped up on the outside of the herd and so I just walked up and cut that first figure to be easier to find the white cow you know when we went back and it just it just was one of those things it was meant to be it was like it just stepped up and said oh no take me. So how did you feel when you saw that score? Well thrilled but it's also a score that can get beat you know so I was nervous through the whole rest of that set and then had another set to sweat it out through and I think we got lucky. Now you've also had a hand in organizing the USA Australia challenges for the past couple of years tell us about that. Well I think it's really important for us to to make this an organization that's known worldwide and I think the Aussies are they're enthusiastic they love their horses it's a growing sport there I think their involvement bringing them here they learn a lot we go there we have some great relationships it's it's it's so much fun and I'm hoping that you know this will continue and more and more people will get on board with it because I think it's a wonderful exchange it's it's an international interaction that is hard to put together unless you have you know a vehicle for it and this is a wonderful vehicle and if people want to get involved do they just get in touch with you I turned it over this year well we voted in Alexis Steffis for the captain and she'll be putting together the next team so she's the one to conduct it's good congratulations thank you very much Carol thank you so much


Bismillahi r-Rahman r-Rahim and Aslanikam Pakistan, welcome back to corporate governance. We have had a very long journey in the past few weeks and we have been talking about media, its role, how it tends to have its various implications on the different media platforms and also the different stakeholders. Now we are moving ahead with corruption and again those main organizations which are involved in accountability and anti-corruption. Ladies and gentlemen, there are many organizations involved with anti-corruption around the world and if we talk about Pakistan, we have the National Accountability Bureau, we have the Federal Investigation Agency, we have the State Bank of Pakistan, we have FBR, we also have the Anti-Corruption Establishments and in the Parliament we have the Public Accounts Committee and within institutions we have inter-organizational committees. Now internationally again there are many organizations which are working especially the IFIs, the International Financial Institutions such as Asian Development Bank, such as JICA, the Japan International Cooperation Agency such as DFID, UK such as GIZ, Germany and again OECD which is the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development. But one of the most famous ones and one of the most powerful ones and the one which basically is also managing the United Nations Anti-Corruption Secretariat is Transparency International. Now transparency international ladies and gentlemen came into being in 1994 in Germany and basically we see from there on it started spreading across the world and one of the very defining elements of transparency international is the corruption index which basically based upon a particular framework and syntax tends to perceive the level of corruption in each country and therefore every year they come out with their corruption index which tends to have a huge impact on national and global politics. Now again when we are talking about transparency international ladies and gentlemen then transparency international defines corruption as the abuse of entrusted power for private gain. Corruption erodes trust, weakens democracy, hampers economic development, exacerbates inequality and poverty and increases environmental crisis. So what we see is that the advent of corruption or the spread of corruption has multi-faceted and multi-layered implications and therefore it can weaken any country and with that it can also create a lot of problems on different levels of that particular country. Now corruption can take any form there are so many different forms of corruption usually we are only talking about bribery or extortion or financial corruption but there are so many other forms of corruption even damaging the client is corruption even wastage is corruption even dereliction of duty is corruption nepotism, favoritism, bias, discrimination is corruption sharing inappropriate gifts is also corruption and we can keep on going on and on and there are different types forms and transactions which are all linked towards corruption. Corruption is not confined to any country region or area it is actually everywhere there is no country which can claim to be corruption free. So even as per the corruption index if we talk about this current even countries in Singapore and New Zealand which are usually amongst the top five in the world they are also not corruption free. Corruption can involve anyone it can be at the lowest year and can be at the highest level corruption happens usually in the background and corruption tends to adapt because as you develop anti-corruption strategies and tend to control corruption then the corrupt keep on adapting and they come out with new innovative ways of being corrupt which is extremely sad. Another important thing is ladies and gentlemen is that costs of corruption there are political costs freedom and rule of law is compromised and rule of law is something which is very important there are social costs people's participation and trust on the government is reduced there are also environmental costs people's chances for healthy life and sustainable future are declined and there are economic costs people's opportunity to build and grow wealth is taken away. So we have many factors which are the costs of corruption and therefore what we see is that corruption can create chaos and havoc within a society and can darken the future of the younger generation and therefore it is very important that we tend to engage against corruption and also ensure that the level of corruption for the passive time tends to decrease rather than increase. Usually to curb corruption it is always said that it is good to have transparency and when we are talking about transparency it means shedding light on formal and informal rules, plans, processes and actions. Transparency helps the public hold all power to account for the common good seeking and receiving information is a human right that can act as a safeguard against corruption. So one we talk about voice, second we talk about the freedom of information and that tends to then curb corruption and also ensure a better value of integrity and honesty. Transparency is ensuring it can be easily accessed and understood by and used by citizens and therefore that information should be freely available and transparency is the only first step and all stakeholder environment should be over here. So what we see ladies and gentlemen is that corruption has many different forms. We see many national and international organizations working and combating corruption. We see that corruption is like a cancer which eats into the very fabric of a nation and can debilitate any nation due to the level of corruption and then we see that amongst the different organizations which are working against corruption. Transparency is national tends to stand out internationally and also on a national level because it has the corruption index besides fighting and combating corruption at all levels and then what we have seen is that transparency, voice and freedom of information can lead to better accountability and lesser corrupt practices. So that is what is the responsibility of everyone that we tend to shed away from negativity and from corrupt practices and try to move towards integrity and honesty and truth and try to become role models within our own society. Thank you so much.


Guys, listen to me, you want to be a Grand Master Closer? Grand, okay? We don't play checkers, we play chess. You guys ready? Here we go. We're going to play chess right now. I'm going to close the deal. I'm going to kind of move at an easy pace. And Sam, you're going to be my customer. Is that cool? We're hanging out, let's do it. Cool, cool, cool. We're just going to roll. And I'm going to close you at 599. I'm going to close you at 599. All right, here we go. We'll see. Sam, I ain't even worried about that. I ain't even worried about it.  That's why you're going to do this. All right, so it's 599 a month, Sam. And remember this, Sam, you want to be at 350 a month and not a penny more. Fair? 350, got it. And you're paying 250 now? Yup. Okay, so everybody do me a favor. Just do me a favor. I'm going to, usually I don't tell in advance, but I want to tell them in advance, Sam, I'm not just going to pull the rabbit out of the hat. I'm going to tell them what I'm going to do. Everybody write this down, three steps. Step number one, how much money does Sam want to pay more a month in payment? A hundred dollars. A hundred bucks. Write down step one, Sam will give me a hundred more for a new car. Just write that down. And don't get this confused. Don't get lost in the sauce here. Who'll give me a hundred more? Step two, Sam, you slide your debit card every single week for gasoline in a Honda Pilot. Okay. That's a true idea. Yup, step two, write down gas. Just don't forget it. We're going to put gas expense. Okay, now follow me. I'm going to show you the simple method, how I closed every deal when I was younger and nobody knew how I would do it. Okay, step three, right? Warranty, what does that mean? Maintenance, guys, it costs a lot of money to maintain a car that's out of warranty. My car currently has a warranty. Even though the monthly payment might be going up, the ownership cost is going to be going down. Maintenance. Now listen, the most important thing that I need you to understand is the way that I communicate with Sam as I'm closing him right now. Hey guys, what's going on? It's Andy. A lot of you leave comments. Tell me that you need help. Do me a favor. I'm going to tell you the best way to get a hold of me. Shoot me a text message right now,<PHONE_NUMBER>.<PHONE_NUMBER>. I'll help you with whatever you need.  Let's get back to the video. And by the way, I'm just communicating. That's all I'm doing. Whoever in the room can communicate the best and have the best up-to-date method and strategy that doesn't sound like their competition, that sounds like the trusted advisor, that believes they can get need and need is going to close every cell. And for my closers that are in the room, you already know, you're like, dude, this guy, he's got it. I already know it. That's exactly right. I'm going to touch you up right now. We're going to really make sure we take you to another level. But for anybody that's in the room that's not just killing it, here's your chance. Okay? So Sam, here we go. I'm going to walk through the pencil with you. It's going to be very simple. Hey Sam, great news, 599. Sign here. I'll get your new car cleaned up. We're just going to skip through it. Just tell me you can't afford it and tell me what payment you can do. Hey, you know what? Absolutely. Hey Sam, number one, I totally understand. I completely get it. So what I'm going to do, Sam, is I'm going to write the $100 more that you can afford for a new car right here. Is that fair? Okay, cool. Now Sam, by the way, I don't know what your worksheets look like, but I would normally flip the paper over. Okay, like flip it over. I'm on the backside now. Okay, I wrote 100 more at the top. Step one. All right, cool. So Sam, basically right now, this is your old vehicle. This is your new one. Your old vehicle you're currently paying $250. The new vehicle is going to be here. Write the payment, but I won't say it. Okay, now Sam, let me ask you a question. All right, now on your 2012 Honda Pilot, right, 80,000 miles, what do you roughly spend a week in gas? Ballpark, roughly what do you spend? A week in fuel on your 2012? 70 bucks. 70 bucks, cool. So, and by the way, gas $6 a gallon, I get it, man. I'm surprised it's not 170, but let's just say it's 70. $70 a week in gas, right here, Sam. See that? $70 a week in gas, there's four weeks in a month that's $280 a month that you spend in gas. Would you agree, Sam? Yes. Okay, so even if you don't buy my new car right now, you're gonna be spending $208 a month in gas. Cool, Sam, you're currently paying $250 a month to the bank. I'm gonna take the $280 for gas plus what you're paying on their monthly payment and it costs you $530 a month right now to currently own your old car. So, Sam, even if you don't buy my new car, $530 is a total ownership cost of what it costs to own your old vehicle currently. Would you agree? Yeah, insurance and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but just for gas and the payment, right? Yep, yep. Okay, so Sam, on the new vehicle, wouldn't you agree better gas mileage less money spent? Everybody write that down. Notice I quick popped him. Sam, wouldn't you agree better gas mileage less money spent? He says, yep, I'd say, cool, Sam. So, going to an Optima from a Honda Pilot, we're easily gonna be cutting your fuel in half. So, when your new vehicle, we're gonna go to $35 a week in gas. Now, I'm not the best at math here. Where is it? $130 a month in gas plus we've got a $599 payment that you're gonna pay to the bank. Let's just see what the new car would cost between gas and the monthly payment. Fair, Sam? Yeah. Notice I said fair. I'm not closing them, I'm just communicating with them. Nine, 10, 11, 12, 12, add the one that's $729 a month to own. So, Sam, here's what I know. $729 is how much it's gonna cost a month to own the new car. Okay, I'm flipping back. You're currently paying $530 now on your old car between gas and payment. So, it looks like, Sam, it's about $199 more, am I right? Yes. Now, Sam, when you came in here today, you told me you could comfortably afford about 100 more for a new vehicle, am I correct? Correct. Sam, I'm gonna take the 100 more. You said you could afford for a new car. And really, the new car is only about $99 more than what you're actually prepared to pay because of the money we're gonna save in gas. But really, Sam, it's not $100 more. It's not 99 more. Do you know why? Because on your old car right now, the national average what it costs to maintain a vehicle that's currently out of warranty, which your car is out of warranty. It's a 2012, has 80,000 miles. The national average what it costs to maintain a car that's out of warranty is $1,200 a year. Now, I'm gonna ask you something, Sam. Do you know what it costs per hour to put a car in the service station? Roughly around $200 an hour, okay? That's what it roughly costs for labor. That's just labor. Now, Sam, most customers have their car in the service station for at least three hours. Sam, that's $600 just for labor. Sam, I haven't even added a part in there yet. Let's say you could get a part for $400. Sam, when you walk into the service drive without diagnosing your vehicle, anytime there's a problem, it'll probably cost you $1,000. That's how money spends when a car's out of warranty. But Sam, let's not get into that. I just want you to understand how the service department works. Have you been in there before? No. And if you don't have a warranty, it doesn't matter if something breaks, it's just when it breaks. And when it breaks, if you don't have a warranty, you have to pay for it. Would you agree? Yep. Well, this new car has a full warranty on it. So let's get into that in a second. Now, the national average what it costs to maintain a vehicle roughly is $1,200 a year on average. So I'm gonna do some simple math, okay? And by the way, Sam, this is a timeline of a year. This is January, this is December. Sam, you're driving down the road, it's in February, the fuel pump goes out. Fuel pump goes out. Let's just say it costs $600, which is more than that. Let's just say it was $600. Well, you don't have a warranty, so you pay for it. Then Sam, you drive the car for 10 months. Nothing happens, Sam. Look, nothing happens. Sam, look how happy you are. Dude, you're the happiest guy in the world. Then all of a sudden, November, heater core goes out. Gotta have heater core for the kids because the car's getting cold, $600. Well, Sam, $600 and $600 is $1,200 for the year. Since we're talking about a monthly budget, I'm gonna divide that by 12 months in a year. And that shows me that $100 a month is what you're gonna have to budget for a small maintenance payment when something does break on your Honda Pilot. Now, Sam, we just looked at your vehicle and we said that it looked like this car was about $99 more than what you're prepared to pay. But it's really not, Sam, because of your $100 a month maintenance payment. As long as my 2021 Kia Optima has a warranty, which it does, it has 10,000 miles, you're covered. Sam, if you're driving down the road of my Kia Optima right now, I don't care what the engine costs, but if it went out, how much would it cost you? I know, but if you had a warranty, what would it cost you? Zero. Bam! So the payment doesn't change. Sam, what you currently have right now is you have a variable payment that goes up and down. Now, the monthly payment with the bank stays the same, but the ownership and cost, when gas, they go up and down. Sam, what we're doing is that, look, when gas goes to $10 a gallon, your new car's gonna get paid back at the pump or your old car would cost you more. Sam, on this 10,000 mile Kia Optima, cars are getting very expensive in service. When something breaks, it's not a matter of if it's gonna break, but when and when it breaks, you're gonna pay for it if you don't have a warranty and that's currently the situation you're in. So Sam, it looked like you were gonna pay about $99 more, but since I'm saving you $100 in maintenance, Sam, actually what I'm doing is I'm gonna be saving you a dollar as long, Sam, as my car has a warranty, which it does with 10,000 miles. Secondly, secondly, okay, when gas goes up, what happens?  And then also on top of that, Sam, you're in a 2021 Kia Optima. It's got 10,000 beautiful miles. And lastly, remember what I told you to write down in the beginning? I said, Sam, you work hard for your money. You put your money in the bank, Sam. And when your money leaves the bank, Sam, that's the real money spent. Sam, if we took me and you out of it right now and we were to ask your bank account which car is saving you the most money and is the better buy, it tell you that it's the 2012 Honda Pilot. You're saving a buck with the new one. You love the fact that you're getting a newer vehicle. Vehicles get expensive. Heaven forbid that an engine went out on a 2012 Honda Pilot or something. We didn't even get into a big maintenance cost. We just kept it small. It would actually be much more than that. So, Sam, congratulations on your new vehicle, 2021 Kia Optima, 10,000 miles. You got the full coverage on the warranty. I'm gonna show you where a service department is when you're done. So when you leave, okay, when you ever have a problem, you just pull it right on in there. We'll give you the VIP deal. Sam, when gas goes to $10 a gallon and all your neighbors are going wham, wham, wham, wham.  I'm gonna see an Andy at birthday car. He ain't even his birthday. Just cause he took care of me. Sam, this is what we do here at the Ziegler Group. I'm grateful for you. I appreciate you. You didn't even have to go up and budget today. You were already spending the money anyways. Congratulations on getting your new vehicle. Hey guys, that's what I wanna tell you. You're the true one percenters. You made it till the end of the video. Do me a favor, share it with the friend that wants to go to another level. Make sure you like the video, comment below so I know who you are. Set your notifications and then subscribe to the channel. We got daily sales training videos dropping. I'll see you soon.


Western Sydney Wanderers do have a good record here. They haven't lost and Coopers since November 2017, winning three and drawing three on their last six trips. Their performances of late suggest they should have won more than two in the last ten. It's the best chance in the game so far, not stopped, so their colleague could get some treatment. Wanderers are still alive in the contest, but trailing as they do at the break of Coopers Stadium. It's another super finish by the Wanderers' top scorer. And they're back square once again. They go himself here. His first goal in Wanderers' colours. Progress through three Adelaide defenders. And remarkably, we have a 4-4 scoreline. And we've never had a game in A-League history that has ended in that result. It's full-time, a game that started off pretty soberly, but then descended into utter madness. A chaotic second half.