e empty tub many times he repeated this performance as he pulled each fish out of the net his mouth watered with the thought of the good dinner coming and he said fine fish these bass very tasty these white fish these flounders these what splendid crabs and these dear little anchovies with their heads still on as you can well imagine the bass the flounders the white fish and even the little anchovies all went together into the tub to keep the mullets company the last to come out of the net was Pinocchio as soon as the fisherman pulled him out his green eyes opened wide with surprise and he cried out in fear what kind of fish is this I don't remember eating anything like it he looked at him closely and after turning him over and over he said at last I understand he must be a crab Pinocchio mortified at being taken for a crab said resentfully what nonsense a crab indeed I am no such thing beware how you deal with me I am a marionette I want you to know a marionette that's the fisherman I must admit that a marionette fish is for me an entirely new kind of fish so much the better I'll eat you with greater relish eat me but can't you understand that I'm not a fish can't you hear that I speak and think as you do it's true answered the fisherman but since I see that you are a fish well able to talk and think as I do I'll treat you with all due respect and that is that as a sign of my particular esteem I'll leave to you the choice of manner in which you are to be cooked do you wish to be fried in a pan cooked with tomato sauce to tell you the truth answered Pinocchio if I must choose I should much rather go free so I may return home are you fooling? do you think that I want to lose the opportunity to taste such a rare fish a marionette fish does not come very often to these seas leave it to me I'll fry you in the pan with the others I know you'll like it it's always a comfort to find oneself in good company the unlucky marionette hearing this began to cry and wail and beg with tears streaming down his cheeks he said how much better it would have been for me to go to school I did listen to my playmates and now I am paying for it oh oh and as he struggled and squirmed like an eel to escape from him the green fisherman took a stout cord and tied him hand and foot and threw him into the bottom of the tub with the others then he pulled a wooden bowl with a flower out of a cupboard and started to roll the fish into it one by one when they were white with it he threw them into the pan the first to dance in the hot oil were the mullets the bass followed then the white fish the flounders and the anchovies Pinocchio's turn came last seeing himself so near to death and such a horrible death he began to tremble so with fright that he had no voice left with which to beg for his life the poor boy beseeched only with his eyes but the green fisherman not even noticing that it was he turned him over and over in the flower until he looked like a marionette made of chalk then he took him by the head and end of chapter 28 this is a LibraVox recording all LibraVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibraVox.org The Adventures of Pinocchio by C. Calodi translated by Carol Della Chiesa chapter 29 Pinocchio returns to the fairy's house and she promises him that on the morrow he will cease to be a marionette and become a boy a wonderful party of coffee and milk to celebrate the great event mindful of what the fisherman had said Pinocchio knew that all hope being saved had gone he closed his eyes and waited for the final moment suddenly a large dog attracted by the odor of boiling oil came running into the cave get out! read the fisherman threateningly and still holding on to the marionette who was all covered with flower but the poor dog was very hungry and whining and wagging his tail he tried to say give me a bite of the fish I'll go in peace get out I say repeated the fisherman and he drew back his foot to give the dog a kick then the dog, who being really hungry would take no refusal turned in a rage toward the fisherman and bared his terrible fangs at that moment a pitiful little voice was heard saying save me Aladoro if you don't I'll fry the dog immediately recognized Pinocchio's voice great was his surprise to find that the voice came from the little flower covered bundle that the fisherman held in his hand then what did he do? with one great leap he grasped that bundle in his mouth and holding it lightly between his teeth ran through the door and disappeared like a flash the fisherman, angry at seeing his meal snatched from under his nose ran after the dog but a bad fit of coughing made him stop and turn back meanwhile Aladoro as soon as he had found the road which led to the village stopped and dropped Pinocchio softly to the ground how much I do thank you said the marionette it's not necessary answered the dog you saved me once and what is given is always returned we are in this world to help one another but how did you get in that cave? I was lying here on the sand more dead than alive when an appetizing odor of fried fish came to me that odor tickled my hunger and I followed it oh, if I had come a moment later don't speak about it whale Pinocchio still trembling with fright don't say a word if you had come a moment later I would be fried, eaten and digested by this time I shivered at the mere thought of it Aladoro laughingly held out his paw to the marionette who shook it heartily feeling that now he and the dog were good friends then they bid each other goodbye and the dog went home Pinocchio left alone walked toward a little hut nearby where an old man sat at the door sunning himself and asked tell me, good man have you heard anything of a poor boy with a wounded head whose name was Eugene? the boy was brought to this hut and now now he's dead Pinocchio interrupted sorrowfully no, he is now alive and he has already returned home really, really cried the marionette jumping around with joy then the wound was not serious but it might have been even mortal answered the old man a heavy book was thrown at his head and who threw it? a school maid of his a certain Pinocchio and who is this Pinocchio? asked the marionette feigning ignorance they say he is a mischief maker a tramp a street urchin column knees all column knees do you know this Pinocchio? I cite answered the marionette and what do you think of him? answered the old man I think he is a very good boy fond of study obedient kind to his father and to his whole family as he was telling all these enormous lies about himself Pinocchio touched his nose and found it twice as long as it should be scared out of his wits he cried out don't listen to me, good man all the wonderful things I have said are not true at all I know Pinocchio well and he is indeed a very wicked fellow lazy and disobedient who instead of going to school runs away with his playmates to have a good time at this speech his nose returned to its natural size why are you so pale? asked the old man suddenly let me tell you without knowing it I rubbed myself against a newly painted wall he lied ashamed to say that he had been made ready for the frying pan what have you done with your coat and your hat and your breeches? I met these and they robbed me tell me, my good man have you not perhaps a little suit to give me so that I may go home? boy as for clothes I have only a bag in which I keep hops if you want it take it there it is Pinocchio did not wait for him to repeat his words he took the bag which happened to be empty and after cutting a big hole at the top and two at the sides he slipped into it as if it were a shirt lightly clad as he was he started out toward the village along the way he felt very uneasy in fact he was so unhappy that he went along taking two steps forward and one back and as he went he said to himself how shall I ever face my good little fairy? what will she say when she sees me? will she forgive this last trick of mine? I am sure she won't oh no she won't and I deserve it as usual for I am a rascal fine on promises which I never keep he came to the village late at night he was so dark he could see nothing and it was raining pitchforks Pinocchio went straight to the fairy's house firmly resolved to knock at the door when he found himself there he lost courage and ran back a few steps the second time he came to the door and again he ran back the third time he repeated his performance the fourth time before he had time to lose his courage he grasped the knocker and made a faint sound with it he waited and waited and waited finally after a full half hour a top floor window the house had four stories opened and Pinocchio saw a large snail look out a tiny light glowed on top of her head who knocks at this late hour she called is the fairy home? asked the marionette the fairy is asleep and does not wish to be disturbed who are you? it is I who's I? Pinocchio who is Pinocchio? the marionette the one who lives in the fairy's house oh I understand said the snail wait for me there I will come down to open the door for you hurry I beg of you for I am dying of cold my boy I am a snail and snails are never in a hurry an hour passed two hours the door was still closed Pinocchio who was trembling with fear and shivering from the cold rain on his back knocked a second time this time louder than before at that second knock a window on the third floor opened and the same snail looked out dear little snail cried Pinocchio from the street I have been waiting two hours for you and two hours on a dreadful night like this are as long as two years hurry please my boy answered the snail in a calm, peaceful voice my dear boy I am a snail and snails are never in a hurry and the window closed a few minutes later midnight struck then one o'clock two o'clock and the door still remained closed then Pinocchio losing all patience grabbed the knocker with both hands fully determined to wake the whole house in the street with it as soon as he touched the knocker, however it became an eel and wiggled away into the darkness really? cried Pinocchio, blind with rage if the knocker is gone I can still use my feet he stepped back and gave the door a most solemn kick he kicked so hard that his foot went straight through the door and his leg followed almost to the knee no matter how he pulled and tugged he could not pull it out there he stayed as if nailed to the door poor Pinocchio the rest of the night he had to spend with one foot through the door and the other one in the air as dawn was breaking the door finally opened that brave little animal, the snail had taken exactly nine hours to go from the fourth floor to the street how she must have raced what are you doing with your foot through the door she asked the marionette laughing it was a misfortune won't you try pretty little snail to free me from this terrible torture my boy, we need a carpenter here and I have never been one ask the fairy to help me the fairy is asleep and does not want to be disturbed but what do you want me to do nailed to the door like this enjoy yourself counting the ants which are passing by bring me something to eat at least for I am faint with hunger immediately in fact after three and a half hours Pinocchio saw her return with a silver tray on her head on the tray for bread roast chicken fruit here is the breakfast the fairy sends to you said the snail at the sight of all these good things the marionette felt much better what was his disgust however when on tasting the food he found the bread to be made of chalk the chicken a cardboard and the brilliant fruit of colored alabaster he wanted to cry he wanted to give himself up to despair he wanted to throw away the tray and all that was on it instead either from pain or weakness he fell to the floor in a dead faint when he regained his senses he found himself stretched out on a sofa and the fairy was seated near him this time I forgive you said the fairy to him I'd be careful not to get into mischief again Pinocchio promised to study and to behave himself and he kept his word for the remainder of the year at the end of it he passed first in all his examinations and there's a report was so good that the fairy said to him happily tomorrow your wish will come true and what is that? tomorrow you will cease to be a marionette and will become a real boy Pinocchio was beside himself with joy all his friends and schoolmates must be invited to celebrate the great event the fairy promised to prepare 200 cups of coffee and milk and 400 slices of toast buttered on both sides the day promised to be a very gay and happy one but unluckily in a marionette's life there's always a but which is apt to spoil everything End of Chapter 29 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Adventures of Pinocchio by C. Colodi Translated by Carol de la Chiesa Chapter 30 in which Pinocchio instead of becoming a boy runs away to the land of toys with his friend Labwick Coming out at last from the surprise into which the fairy's words had thrown him Pinocchio asked for permission to give out the invitations Well indeed you may invite your friends to tomorrow's party only remember to return home before doctor you understand Oh I'll be back in one hour without fail answered the marionette Well take care Pinocchio boys give promises very easily but they as easily forget them but I am not like those others when I give my word I keep it Well we shall see in case you do disobey you will be the one to suffer not anyone else Why? Because boys who do not listen to their elders always come to grief Well I certainly have said Pinocchio but from now on I obey Well we shall see if you were telling the truth without adding another word Pinocchio made the good fairy goodbye and singing and dancing he left the house in a little more than an hour all his friends were invited some accepted quickly and gladly others had to be coaxed but when they heard that the toast was to be buttered on both sides they all ended by accepting the invitation with the words Welcome to please you Now it must be known that among all his friends Pinocchio had one whom he loved most of all The boy's real name was Romeo but everyone called him Lampwick because he was tall and thin and had a wobagon look about him Lampwick was the easiest boy in the school and the biggest mischievous maker but Pinocchio loved him dearly that day he went straight to his friends house to invite him to the party but Lampwick was not at home he went a second time and again a third but still without success or where can he be Pinocchio searched here and there and everywhere and finally discovered him hiding under a farmer's wagon oh what are you doing there that's Pinocchio running up to him oh I'm waiting for him midnight to strike to go where far far away and I have gone to your house three times to look for you or what did you want from me haven't you heard the news don't you know what good luck is mine or what is it tomorrow I end my days as a marionette and become a boy like you then all my other friends may it bring you luck well shall I see you at my party tomorrow and I'm telling you that I go tonight well what time at midnight where are you going to a real country the best in the world a wonderful place what's it called why don't you come too hi oh no where you're making a big mistake Pinocchio believe me if you don't come you'll be sorry now where can you find a place that will agree better with you and me no schools no teachers no books in that blessed place there is no such thing as study here it is only on Saturdays that we have no school in the land of toys every day except Sunday it's a Saturday vacation begins on the 1st of January and ends on the last day of December now that's the place for me all countries should be like it how happy we should all be but how does one spend the day in the land of toys as Pinocchio in play and enjoyment from war until night at night one goes to bed the next morning the good times begin all over again what do you think of it Pinocchio nodding his wooden head as if to say well it's the kind of life they would agree with me perfectly well you want to go with me then yes or no you have to make up your mind no no I promise my fairy to become a good boy and I want to keep my word you see the sun is setting and I must leave you and run goodbye good luck to you where are you going it's a charity home my good fairy wants me to return home before night wait two minutes more it's too late only two minutes and if the fairy scolds me let her scold after she gets tired she'll stop are you going alone or with others alone there will be more than a hundred of us will you walk at midnight the wagon passes here that is to take us within the boundaries of that marvelous country how I wish midnight would strike why to see you all set out together we'll stay here a while longer and you will see us no no I want to return home wait two more minutes I've waited too long as it is the fairy will be worried poor fairy is she afraid the bats will eat you up listen lamp work said Pinocchio are you really sure there are no schools in the land of toys not even the shadow of one not even one teacher not one and one does not have to study never never never what a great land said Pinocchio feeling his mouth water what a beautiful land I've never been there but I can well imagine it well why don't you come too well it's useless for you to tempt me I told you I promised my good fairy to behave myself and I'm going to keep my word well good bye then and remember me to the grammar schools to the high schools and even to the colleges if you meet them on the way well goodbye lamp work and have a pleasant trip and enjoy yourself and remember your friends once in a while and with these words Pinocchio started on his way home turning once more to his friend and asked him are you sure that in that country each week is composed of six Saturdays and one Sunday very sure and that vacation begins on the first of January and ends on the 31st of December very very sure what a great country repeated Pinocchio puzzled just what to do and then in sudden determination he said hurriedly goodbye for the last time and good luck goodbye how soon will you go within two hours what a pity if there were only one hour I might wait for you and the fairy oh by this time well in one hour or more or less makes very little difference poor Pinocchio if the fairy scolds you no understole after she gets tired she'll stop in the meantime the night became darker and darker and all at once in the distance a small light flickered a queer sound could be heard soft as a little bell muffled like the buzz of a far away mosquito there it is cried Lampwick jumping to his feet what? whispered Pinocchio the wagon which is coming to get me for the last time are you coming or not but is it really true that in that country boys never have to study never never oh what a wonderful beautiful marvelous country that is the end of chapter 30 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the adventures of Pinocchio by C. Calodi translated by Carol Delacchiesa chapter 31 in which after five months of play Pinocchio wakes up one fine morning and finds a great surprise awaiting him finally the wagon arrived it made no noise for its wheels were bound with straw it was drawn by 12 pair of donkeys all of the same size but all of different color some were gray others white and still others a mixture of brown and black here and there were a few with large yellow and blue stripes the strangest thing of all was that those 24 donkeys of being iron shod like any other beast of Burton had on their feet laced shoes made of leather just like the ones boys wear and the driver of the wagon imagine to yourselves a little fat man much wider than he was tall round and shiny as a ball of butter with a face beaming like an apple a little mouth that always smiled and a voice small and wheedling like that of a cat begging for food no sooner did a boy see him than that boy fell in love with him and nothing satisfied this boy but to be allowed to ride in the man's wagon to that lovely place called the land of toys in fact the wagon was so closely packed with boys of all ages that it looked like a box of sardines they were uncomfortable they were piled one on top of the other they could hardly breathe yet not one word of complaint was heard the thought that in a few hours they would reach a country where there were no school no books no teachers made these boys so happy that they felt neither hunger nor thirst nor sleep nor discomfort no sooner had the wagon stopped than the little fat man turned to lampwick with bows and smiles he asked in a wheedling tone tell me my fine boy do you also want to come to my wonderful country well indeed I do but I warn you my little dear there's no more room in the wagon it's full never mind answered lampwick if there's no room inside I can sit on top of the coach and with one leap he perched himself there what about you my love asked the little man turning politely to Pinocchio what are you going to do will you come with us may I stay here well I stay here answered Pinocchio I want to return home but I prefer to study and to succeed in life may that bring you luck Pinocchio lampwick called out listen to me come with us we'll always be happy oh no no no come with us and we'll always be happy cried four other voices from the wagon come with us and we'll always be happy shouted the 100 and more boys in the wagon all together and if I go with you what will my good fairy say asked Pinocchio who was beginning to waver and weaken in his good resolutions oh don't worry so much only think that we are going to a land where we shall be allowed to make all the bracket we like from morning till night Pinocchio did not answer but sighed deeply once twice a third time finally he said make room for me I want to go too the seats are all filled answered the little man but to show you how much I think of you take my place as catchment well and you I'll walk well no indeed I could not permit such a thing I much prefer riding one of these donkeys cried Pinocchio and no sooner said then done he approached the first donkey and tried to mount it but the little animal turned suddenly and gave him such a terrible kick in the stomach Pinocchio was thrown to the ground and fell with his legs in the air at this unlooked for entertainment the whole company of runaways laughed up roriously a little fat man did not laugh he went up to the rebellious animal and still smiling bent over him lovingly and bit off half his right ear in the meantime Pinocchio lifted himself up from the ground and with one leap landed on the donkey's back the leap was so well taken that all the boys shouted hurrah for Pinocchio and clap their hands in hearty applause suddenly a little donkey gave a kick with his two hind feet and at this unexpected move Pinocchio found himself once again sprawling right in the middle of the road again the boys shouted with laughter but the little man instead of laughing became so loving toward the little animal that with another kiss he bit off half his left ear you can mount now my boy he then said to Pinocchio have no fear that that donkey was worried about something but I have spoken to him and now he seems quiet and reasonable Pinocchio mounted and the wagon started on its way while the donkeys galloped along the stony road Pinocchio fancied he heard a very quiet voice whispering to him poor silly you have done as you wished but you are going to be a sorry boy before long Pinocchio greatly frightened looked about him to see whence the words had come but he saw no one the donkeys galloped the wagon rolled along smoothly the boys slept lampwake snored like a door mouse and the little fat man sang sleepily between his teeth after a mile or so Pinocchio again heard the same faint voice whispering remember little simpleton boys who stopped studying and turned their backs upon books and schools and teachers in order to give all their time to nonsense and pleasure sooner or later come to grief oh how well I know this how well I can prove it to you a day will come when you will weep bitterly even as I am weeping now at these whispered words Pinocchio grew more and more frightened he jumped to the ground ran up to the donkey on whose back he had been riding and taking his nose in his hands looked at him think how great was his surprise when he saw the donkey was weeping weeping just like a boy hey Mr. Driver cried Pinocchio do you know what strange thing is happening here this donkey weeps let him weep when he gets married time to laugh have you perhaps taught him to speak no he learned to mumble a few words when he lived for three years with a band of trained dogs poor beast come come said the little man do not lose time over a donkey that can weep mount quickly and let us go the night is cool and the road is long Pinocchio obeyed without another word the wagon started again toward dawn the next morning they finally reached that much long for country the land of toys this great land was entirely different from any other place in the world its population large though it was was composed wholly of boys the oldest were about 14 years of age August 8 in the street there was such a racket such shouting such blowing of trumpets that it was deafening everywhere groups of boys were gathered together some played at marbles at hopscotch at ball others rode on bicycles or on wooden horses some played at blind man's bluff some at tag here a group played circus another sang and recited some returned others walked on their hands with their feet in the air generals in full uniform leading regiments of cardboard soldiers passed by laughter, shrieks, howls cat calls hand clapping followed this parade one boy made a noise like a hen another like a rooster and a third imitated a lion in his den altogether they created such a pandemonium that it would have been great for you to put cotton in your ears these squares were filled with small wooden theatres overflowing with boys from morning till night and on the wall of the houses written in charcoal were words like these, hurrah for the land of toys down with arithmetic no more school as soon as they had set foot in that land Pinocchio, Lampwick and all the other boys who had traveled with them started out on a tour of investigation they wandered everywhere they looked into every nook and corner house and theatre they became everybody's friend who could be happier than they what with entertainments and parties, the hours the days, the weeks past like lightning oh what a beautiful place this is said Pinocchio each time I chance he met his friends Lampwick was I right or wrong? answered Lampwick and to think that you did not want to come to think that even yesterday that idea came into your head to return home to see your fairy and to let her start you studying again if today you are free from pencils and books and schools you owe it to me, to my advice, to my care do you admit it? friends counts after all it's true Lampwick it's true if today I am really a happy boy it is all because of you and to think that the teacher when speaking of you used to say do not go with Lampwick he is a bad companion and someday he will lead you astray or teacher answered Lampwick nodding his head indeed I know how much he disliked me and how he enjoyed speaking ill of me but I am I am a generous person and I gladly forgive him well you are a great soul said Pinocchio fondly embracing his friend five months passed and the boys continued playing and enjoying themselves from morning till night without ever seeing a book or a desk or a school but my children the came a morning when Pinocchio awoke and found a great surprise awaiting him a surprise which made him feel very unhappy as you shall see end of chapter 31 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Adventures of Pinocchio by C. Colodi translated by Carol Delichiesa Chapter 32 in which Pinocchio's ears become like those of a donkey in a little while he changes into a real donkey and begins to bray everyone at one time or another has found some surprise awaiting him of the kind which Pinocchio had on that eventful morning of his life there are but few or what was it well I will tell you my dear little listeners unawakening Pinocchio put his hand up to his head and there he found yes he found that during the night his ears had grown at least 10 full inches you must know that Pinocchio even from his birth had very small ears so small indeed that to the naked eye they could hardly be seen fancy how he felt when he noticed that overnight had become as long as shoe brushes he went in search of a mirror but not finding any he just filled a basin with water and looked at himself and there he saw what he never could have wished to see his manly figure was adorned and enriched by a beautiful pair of donkey's ears I leave you to think of the terrible grief the despair of the poor marionette he began to cry to scream to knock his head against the wall but the more he shrieked the longer and the more Harry grew his ears at those piercing shrieks a door mouse came into the room a fat little door mouse who lived upstairs seeing Pinocchio so grease-stricken she asked him honestly, what is the matter dear little neighbor I am sick my little door mouse very very sick and from an illness which frightens me do you understand how to feel the pulse a little feel mine then and tell me if I have a fever the door mouse took Pinocchio's wrist between her paws and after a few minutes looked up at him sourfully and said my friend I am sorry but I must give you some very sad news what is it you have a very bad fever but what fever is it the donkey fever well I don't know anything about that fever beginning to understand even do well what was happening to him well then I'll tell you all about it said the door mouse know then that within 2 or 3 hours you will no longer be a marionette nor a boy well what shall I be within 2 or 3 hours you will become like a real just like the ones that pull the fruit carts to market what have I done what have I done cried Pinocchio grasping his long ears in his hands pulling and tugging at them angrily just as if they belong to another my dear boy answered the door mouse to cheer him up a bit all I worry now what is done cannot be undone you know all lazy boys who come to hate books and schools and teachers spend all their days with toys and games not sooner or later turn into donkeys but is it really so as Pinocchio sobbing bitterly I'm sorry to say it is and tears are now useless you should have thought of this long before but the fault is not mine only me little door mouse the fault is all lampwicks who is this lampwick he's a classmate of mine I wanted to return home I wanted to be obedient I wanted to study and to succeed in school but lampwicks said to me why do you waste your time studying why do you want to go to school come with me to the land of toys there we'll never study again enjoy ourselves and be happy from morning till night and why did you follow the advice of that false friend why? because my dear little mouse door mouse I am a heedless marionette heedless and heartless oh if I only had a bit of heart I should never have abandoned that good fairy who loved me so well and who has been so kind to me and by this time I should never be a marionette I should be a real boy like all these friends of mine hmm oh if I meet lampwick I am going to tell him what I think of him and more too after this long speech Pinocchio walked to the door of the room but when he reached it remembering his donkey ears he felt ashamed to show them in public and turned back a large cotton bag from a shelf put it on his head and pulled it far down to his very nose and thus adorned he went out he looked for lampwick everywhere along the streets in the squares inside the theaters everywhere but he was not to be found he asked everyone who he met but no one had seen him for the duration he returned home and knocked at the door who is it? asked lampwick from within it is I! answered Pinocchio wait a minute after a full half hour the door opened another surprise awaited Pinocchio there in the room stood his friend with a large cotton bag on his head pulled down to his very nose at the side of that bag Pinocchio felt slightly happier and thought to himself oh my friend must be suffering from the same sickness that I am I wonder if he too has donkey fever but pretending he had seen nothing he asked with a smile how are you my dear lampwick very well like a mouse in a Parmesan cheese is that really true why should I lie to you well I beg your pardon my friend but why is any of you wearing that cotton bag over your ears the doctor has ordered it because one of my knees hurts and you dear Pinocchio why are you wearing that cotton bag down on your nose the doctor has ordered it because I have a bruised foot oh my poor Pinocchio oh my poor lampwick an embarrassingly long silence followed these words during which time the two friends looked at each other in a mocking way finally Pinocchio in a voice sweet as honey and soft as a flute said to his companion tell me lampwick dear friend have you ever suffered from an earache never and you never still since this morning my ear has been torturing me so is mine and you both of them and yours both of them too I wonder if it could be the same sickness I'm afraid it is will you do me a favor lampwick what have they with my whole heart will you let me see your ears why not but before I show you mine I want to see yours dear Pinocchio you must show yours first oh no my dear yours first then mine well then said Pinocchio let us make a contract well let's hear the contract let us take off our caps together all right all right ready then Pinocchio began to count one two three and at the word three the two boys pulled off their caps and threw them high in the air and then a scene took place which is hard to believe but it is all too true Pinocchio and his friend lampwick when they saw each other both stricken by the same misfortune instead of feeling they began to poke fun at each other and after much nonsense they ended by bursting out into hearty laughter they laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed again and laughed until they ached laughed until they cried but all of a sudden lampwick stopped laughing he tottered and almost fell pale as a ghost he turned to Pinocchio and said help help Pinocchio oh help me I can't stand up I can't either cried Pinocchio and his laughter turned to tears as he stumbled about helplessly they had hardly finished speaking when both of them fell on all fours and began running and jumping around the room and as they ran their arms turned into legs their faces lengthened into snouts and their backs became covered with long gray hairs this was humiliation enough but the most horrible moment was the one in which the two poor creatures felt their tails appear overcome with shame and grief they tried to cry and bemoan their fate but what is done can't be undone instead of moans and cries they burst forth into loud donkey braze which sounded very much like ee-aw ee-aw ee-aw and at that moment a loud knocking was heard at the door and a voice called to them open I am the little man the driver of the wagon which brought you here open I say won't beware end of chapter 32 the man who wants to use his skin for a drum head very sad and downcast with the two poor little fellows as they stood and looked at each other outside the room the little man grew more and more impatient and finally gave the door such a violent kick that it flew open with his usual sweet smile on his lips he looked at Pinocchio and Landwick and said to them fine work boys you have braided well so well and here I am on hearing this the two donkeys bowed their heads in shame dropped their ears and put their tails between their legs at first the little man petted and caressed them and smoothed down their hairy coats then he took out a curry comb and worked over them till they shone like glass satisfied with the looks of the two little animals he bridled them and took them to a marketplace far away from the land of toys selling them at a good price in fact he did not have to wait very long for an offer Landwick was bought by a farmer whose donkey had died the day before Pinocchio went to the owner of a circus who wanted to teach him to do tricks for his audiences and now do you understand what the little man's profession was this horrid little being whose face shone with kindness went about the world looking for boys lazy boys who hated books boys who wanted to run away from home boys who were tired of school all these were his joy and his fortune he took them with him to the land of toys and let them enjoy themselves to their hearts content when after months of all play and no work they became little donkeys he sold them on the marketplace in a few years he had become a millionaire what happened to Landwick my dear children I do not know Pinocchio I can tell you met with great hardships even from the first day after putting him in a stable his new master filled his manger with straw but Pinocchio after tasting a mouthful spat it out then the man filled the manger with hay but Pinocchio did not like that any better ah you don't like hay either he cried angrily wait my pretty donkey I'll teach you not to be so particular without more ado he took a whip and gave the donkey a hearty blow across the legs Pinocchio screamed with pain and as he screamed he braided whore whore whore I can't digest straw then eat the hay answered his master who understood the donkey perfectly whore whore whore hay gives me a headache do you pretend by any chance that I should feed you duck or chicken and angrier than ever he gave poor Pinocchio another lashing at that second beating Pinocchio became very quiet and said no more after that the door of the stable was closed and he was left alone it was many hours since he had eaten anything and he started to yawn from hunger as he yawned he opened a mouth as big as an oven finally not finding anything else in the manger he tasted the hay after tasting it he chewed it well closed his eyes and swallowed it this hay is not bad he said to himself but how much happier I should be if I had studied just now instead of hay I should be eating some good bread and butter patience next morning when he awoke Pinocchio looked in the manger for more hay but it was all gone he had eaten it all during the night he tried the straw he noticed to his great disappointment that it tasted neither like rice nor like macaroni patience he repeated as he chewed if only my misfortune might serve as a lesson to disobedient boys who refuse to study patience have patience patience indeed shouted his master just then as he came into the stable do you think perhaps my little donkey that I have brought you here only to give you food and drink oh no you are to help me earn some fine gold pieces do you hear I am going to teach you to jump and bow to dance a waltz at a poker and even to stand on your head poor Pinocchio whether he liked it or not had to learn all these wonderful things but it took him three long months and cost him many many lashings before he was pronounced perfect the day came at last when Pinocchio's master was able to announce an extraordinary performance the announcements posted all around the town and written in large letters read thus great spectacle tonight leaps and exercises by the great artists and the famous horses of the company first public appearance of the famous donkey called Pinocchio the star of the dance the theatre will be as light as day that night as you can well imagine the theatre was filled to overflowing one hour before the show was scheduled to start not an orchestra chair could be had not a balcony seat not even for their weight in gold the place swarmed with boys and girls of all ages and sizes wriggling and dancing about in a fever of impatience to see the famous donkey dance when the first part of the performance was over the owner and manager of the circus in a black coat white knee breeches and patent leather boots presented himself to the public and in a loud pompous voice made the following announcement gentlemen and ladies your humble servant, the manager of this theatre presents himself before you tonight in order to introduce to you the greatest, the most famous donkey in the world a donkey that has had the great honour in his short life of performing before the kings and queens and emperors of all the great courts of Europe we thank you for your attention this speech was greeted by much laughter and applause and the applause grew to a roar when Pinocchio the donkey appeared in the circus ring he was handsomely arrayed a new bridle of shining leather with buckles of polished brass was on his back two white camellias were tied to his ears ribbons and tassels of red silk adorned his mane which was divided into many curls a great sash of gold and silver was fastened around his waist and his tail was decorated with ribbons of many brilliant colours he was a handsome donkey indeed the manager when introducing him to the public added these words most honoured audience I shall not take your time tonight to tell you of the great difficulties which I have encountered while trying to tame this animal since I found him in the wilds of Africa observe I beg of you the savage look of his eye all the means used by centuries of civilisation in subduing wild beasts failed in this case I had finally to resort to the gentle language of the whip in order to bring him to my will with all my kindness however I never succeeded in gaining my donkey's love he is still today as savage as the day I found him he still fears and hates me but I have found in him one great redeeming feature do you see this little bump on his forehead it is this bump which gives him the great talent of dancing and using his feet as nimbly as a human being admire him most seniority and enjoy yourselves I let you now be the judges of my success as a teacher of animals before I leave you I wish to state that there will be another performance tomorrow night if the weather threatens rain the great spectacle will take place at 11 o'clock in the morning the manager bowed and then turned to Pinocchio and said ready Pinocchio before starting a performance salute your audience Pinocchio obediently bent his two knees to the ground and remained kneeling until the manager with the crack of the whip cried sharply walk the donkey lifted himself on his forefeet and walked around the ring a few minutes passed and again the voice of the manager called quick step and Pinocchio obediently changed his step Gallop and Pinocchio galloped full speed and Pinocchio ran as fast as he could as he ran the master raised his arm and a pistol shot rang in the air at the shot the little donkey fell to the ground as if he were really dead a shower of applause greeted the donkey as he arose to his feet cries and shouts and hand clappings were heard on all sides at all that noise Pinocchio lifted his head and raised his eyes there in front of him in a box sat a beautiful woman around her neck she wore a long gold chain from which hung a large medallion on the medallion was painted the picture of a marionette that pictures of me that beautiful lady is my fairy said Pinocchio to himself recognising her he felt so happy that he tried his best to cry out oh my fairy, my own fairy but instead of words a loud braying was heard in the theatre so loud and so long that all the spectators men, women and children but especially the children burst out laughing then in order to teach the donkey that it was not good manners to brave before the public the manager hit him on the nose with the handle of the whip the poor little donkey stuck out a long tongue and licked his nose for a long time in an effort to take away the pain and what was his grief when on looking up toward the boxes he saw that the fairy had disappeared he felt himself fainting his eyes filled with tears and he wept bitterly no one knew it however least of all the manager who, cracking his whip, cried out bravo Pinocchio now show us how gracefully you can jump through the rings Pinocchio tried two or three times but each time he came near the ring he founded more to his taste to go under it the fourth time at a look from his master he leaped through it but as he did so his hind legs caught in the ring and he fell to the floor in a heap when he got up he was lame and could hardly limp as far as the stable Pinocchio we want Pinocchio we want the little donkey cried the boys from the orchestra saddened by the accident no one saw Pinocchio again that evening the next morning the veterinary doctor declared that he would be lame for the rest of his life what do I want with a lame donkey said the manager to the stable boy take him to the market and sell him when they reached the square a buyer was soon found how much do you ask for that little lame donkey he asked four dollars I'll give you four cents don't think I'm buying him for work I want only his skin it looks very tough and I can use it to make myself a drum head I belong to a musical band in my village and I need a drum I leave it to you my dear children to picture to yourself the great pleasure with which Pinocchio heard he was to become a drum head as soon as the buyer had paid the four cents the donkey changed hands his new owner took him to a high cliff overlooking the sea put a stone around his neck tied a rope to one of his hind feet gave him a push and threw him into the water Pinocchio sank immediately and his new master sat on the cliff waiting for him to drown so as to skin him and make himself a drum head End of Chapter 33 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This recording by Christopher The Adventures of Pinocchio by C. Colote Translated by Carol de la Chiesa Chapter 34 Pinocchio is thrown into the sea eaten by fishes and becomes a marionette once more as he swims to land he is swallowed by the terrible shark Down into the sea deeper and deeper sank Pinocchio and finally after 50 minutes of waiting the man on the cliff said to himself by this time my poor little lame donkey must be drowned up with him and then I can get to work on my beautiful drum which he had tied to Pinocchio's leg pulled and pulled and pulled and at last he saw a pier on the surface of the water can you guess what? instead of a dead donkey he saw a very much alive marionette wriggling and squirming like an eel seeing that wooden marionette the poor man thought he was dreaming and sat there with his mouth wide open and his eyes popping out of his head gathering his wits together he said and the donkey I threw into the sea with the marionette laughing you? I ah you little cheat are you poking fun at me? poking fun at you, not at all dear master I am talking seriously but then how is it that you who a few minutes ago were a donkey are now standing before me a wooden marionette it may be the effect of salt water the sea is fond of playing these tricks be careful marionette be careful don't laugh at me woe be to you if I lose my patience well then my master do you want to know my whole story untie my leg and I can tell it to you better the old fellow curious to know the true story of the marionette's life immediately untied the rope which held his foot the nocio feeling free as a bird of the air began his tale no then that once upon a time I was a wooden marionette just as I am today one day I was about to become a boy a real boy but on account of my laziness and my hatred of books and because I listened to bad companions I ran away from home when beautiful morning I awoke to find myself changed into a donkey long ears grey coat even a tail what a shameful day for me I hope you will never experience what I might get dear master I was taken to the fair and sold to a circus owner who tried to make me dance and jump through the rings one night during a performance I had a bad fall and became lame not knowing what to do with a lame donkey the circus owner sent me to the marketplace and you bought me indeed I did and I paid 4 cents for you now who will return my money to me but why did you buy me you bought me to do me harm to kill me to make a drum head out of me indeed I did and now where shall I find another skin never mind dear master there are so many donkeys in this world tell me impudent little rogue does your story end here one more word answered the marionette and I am through after buying me you brought me here to kill me but feeling sorry for me you tied a stone to my neck and threw me to the bottom of the sea that was very good and kind of you to want me to suffer as little as possible and I shall remember you always and now my fairy will take care of me even if you you're fairy who's she she is my mother and like all mothers who love their children she never loses sight of me even though I do not deserve it and today this good fairy of mine as soon as she saw me in danger of drowning she left me to go to the sea and when she saw me in danger of drowning she thought I was really a dead donkey and began to eat me what great bites they took one ate my ears, another my nose a third my neck and my mane some went at my legs and some at my back and among the others there was one tiny fish so gentle and polite that he did me the great favor of eating even my tail from now on said the man horrified I swear I shall never again taste fish with dead donkey I think as you do answered the marionette laughing still you must know that when the fish finished eating my donkey coat which covered me from head to foot they naturally came to the bones or rather in my case to the wood for as you know I am made of very hard wood after the first few bites those greedy fish found out that the wood was not good for their teeth and afraid of indigestion they turned and ran here and there without saying goodbye or even as much as thank you to me here dear master you have my story you know now why you found a marionette and not a dead donkey when you pulled me out of the water I laugh at your story cried the man angrily I know that I spent four cents to get you and I want my money back do you know what I can do I'm going to take you to the market once more and sell you as dry firewood very well sell me I am satisfied said Pinocchio but as he spoke he gave a quick leap and dived into the sea swimming away as fast as he could he cried out laughing goodbye master if you ever need a skin for your drum remember me he swam on and on after a while he turned around again and called louder than before goodbye master if you ever need a piece of good dry firewood remember me in a few seconds he had gone so far he could hardly be seen all that could be seen of him was a very small black dot moving swiftly on the blue surface of the water a little black dot which now and then lifted a leg or an arm in the air one would have thought that Pinocchio had turned into a porpoise of the sun after swimming for a long time Pinocchio saw a large rock in the middle of the sea a rock as white as marble high on the rock stood a little goat bleeding and calling and beckoning to the marionette to come to her there was something very strange about that little goat her coat was not white or black or brown as that of any other goat but azure a deep brilliant color that reminded one of the hair of the lovely maiden Pinocchio's heart beat fast and then faster and faster he redoubled his efforts and swam as hard as he could toward the white rock he was almost halfway over when suddenly a horrible sea monster stuck its head out of the water an enormous head with a huge mouth wide open showing three rows of gleaming teeth the mere sight of which would have filled you with fear do you know what it was? that sea monster was no other than the enormous shark which has often been mentioned in the story and which on account of its cruelty has been nicknamed the Attila of the Sea by both fish and fishermen poor Pinocchio the sight of that monster frightened him almost to death he tried to swim away from him to change his path to escape but that immense mouth kept coming nearer and nearer hasten Pinocchio I beg you bleated the little goat on the high rock and Pinocchio swam desperately with his arms his body his legs his feet quick Pinocchio the monster is coming nearer Pinocchio swam faster and faster and harder and harder faster Pinocchio the monster would get you there he is there he is quick quick or you were lost Pinocchio went through the water like a shot swifter and swifter he came close to the rock the goat leaned over and gave him one of her hoofs to help him out of the water alas it was too late the monster overtook him and the marionette found himself in between the rows of gleaming white teeth only for a moment however for the shark took a deep breath and as he breathed he drank in the marionette as easily as he would have sucked an egg around him so fast that Pinocchio falling down into the body of the fish they stunned for half an hour when he recovered his senses the marionette could not remember where he was around him all was darkness a darkness so deep and so black that for a moment he thought he had put his head into an aqua he listened for a few moments and heard nothing once in a while a cold wind blew on his face at first he could not understand where that wind was coming from but after a while he understood that it came from the lungs of the monster I forgot to tell you that the shark was suffering from asthma so that whenever he breathed a storm seemed to blow Pinocchio at first tried to be brave but as soon as he became convinced that he was really and truly in the shark's stomach he burst into sobs and tears help help he cried oh poor me won't someone come to save me who is there to help you unhappy boy said a rough voice like a guitar out of tune who is talking said Pinocchio frozen with terror it is I a poor tiny swallowed by the shark at the same time as you and what kind of a fish are you I have nothing to do with fishes I am a marionette if you are not a fish why did you let this monster swallow you I didn't let him he chased me and swallowed me without even a by your leave and now what are we to do here in the dark wait until the shark is digested as both I suppose but I don't want to be digested shouted Pinocchio starting to sob neither do I said the tiny but I am wise enough to think that if one is born a fish it is more dignified to die under the water than in the frying pan what nonsense cried Pinocchio mine is an opinion replied the tiny an opinion should be respected but I want to get out of this place I want to escape go if you can is this shark that has swallowed us very long asked the marionette his body not counting the tail is almost a mile long while talking in the darkness Pinocchio thought he saw a faint light in the distance what can that be he said to the tiny some other fish waiting as patiently as we to be digested by the shark I want to see him he may be an old fish and may know some way of escape I wish you all good luck dear marionette goodbye tiny goodbye marionette and good luck when should I see you again who knows it is better not to think about it end of chapter 34 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Kevin Radine www.kevinsvoice.com the adventures of Pinocchio by C. Colodi translated by Carol Della Chelsea chapter 35 in the shark's body Pinocchio finds whom read this chapter my children and you will know Pinocchio as soon as he had said goodbye to his friend the Tony tottered away in the darkness and began to walk as well as he could toward the faint light which glowed in the distance as he walked his feet splashed in a pool of greasy and slippery water which had such a heavy smell of fish fried in oil that Pinocchio thought it was lent the farther on he went the brighter and clearer grew the tiny light on and on he walked until finally he found I give you a thousand guesses my dear children he found a little table and lighted by a candle stuck in a glass bottle and near the table said a little old man white as snow eating live fish they wriggled so that now and again one of them slipped out of the old man's mouth and escaped into the darkness under the table at this site the poor marionette was filled with such great and sudden happiness that he almost dropped in a faint he wanted to laugh he wanted to cry he wanted to say a thousand and one things but all he could do was to stand still stuttering and stammering brokenly at last with a great effort he was able to let out a scream of joy and opening his arms he threw them around the old man's neck oh father dear father I have found you at last now I shall never never leave you again are my eyes telling me the truth answered the old man rubbing his eyes are you really my own dear Pinocchio yes yes yes it is I look at me and you have forgotten me haven't you oh my dear father how good you are and to think that I oh but if you all knew how many misfortunes have fallen on my head and how many troubles I have had just think that on the day you sold your old coat to buy me my ABC book so that I could go to school I ran away to the marionette theater and the proprietor caught me and wanted to burn me to cook his roast lamb he was the one who gave me the five gold pieces for you but I met the fox and the cat and they took me to the inn of the red lobster there they ate like wolves and I left the inn alone and I met the assassins in the wood I ran and they ran after me always after me till they hanged me on the branch of a giant oak tree then the fairy of the azure hair sent the coach to rescue me and the doctors looking after me said if he's not dead then he's surely alive and then I told a lie and my nose began to grow and it grew and it grew and I went to the fox and the cat and the fields of wonder to bury the gold pieces the parrot laughed at me and instead of two thousand gold pieces I found one when the judge heard that I had been robbed he sent me to jail to make the thieves happy and when I came away I saw a fine bunch of grapes hanging on a vine the trap caught me and the farmer put a collar on me and made me a watchdog he found out I was innocent when I caught the weasels and he let me go the serpent with the tail that smoked started to laugh and in vain his chest broke and so I went back to the fairy's house she was dead and the pigeon seeing me crying said to me I've seen your father building a boat to look for you in America and I said to him oh if I only had wings and he said to me do you want to go to your father and I said perhaps but how and he said get on my back and I'll take you there we flew all night long and the next morning the fisherman were looking toward the sea crying there's a poor little man drowning he knew it was you because my heart told me so and I waved to you from the shore I knew you also put in jepetto I wanted to go to you but how could I the sea was rough and the white caps overturned the boat when a terrible shark came up out of the sea and as soon as he saw me in the water swam quickly toward me put out his tongue and swallowed me as easily as if I had been a chocolate peppermint and how long have you been shut away in here from that day to this two long weary years two years my Pinocchio which had been like two centuries and how have you lived where did you find the candle and the matches with which to light it where did you get them you must know that in a storm which swam to my boat a large ship also suffered the same fate the sailors were all saved but the ship went right to the bottom of the sea and the same terrible shark that swallowed me swallowed most of it what swallowed a ship asked Pinocchio in astonishment at one gulp the only thing he spat out was the main mast for it stuck into his teeth to my own good luck that ship was loaded with meat preserved food crackers breads bottles of wine raisins cheese coffee sugar wax candles and boxes of matches with all of these blessings I've been able to live happily on for two whole years but now I am at the very last crumbs today there is nothing left in the cupboard and this candle you see here is the last one I have and then and then my dear will find ourselves in darkness then my dear father said Pinocchio there is no time to lose we must try to escape escape how we can run out of the shark's mouth and dive into the sea you speak well but I cannot swim my dear Pinocchio why should that matter you can climb on my shoulders and I who am a fine swimmer will carry you safely to the shore dreams my boy answered Gepetto shaking his head and smiling sadly do you think it is possible for a marionette a yard high to have the strength to carry me on his shoulders and swim try it and see and in any case if it is written that we must die we shall at least die together not adding another word Pinocchio took the candle in his hand and going ahead to light the way he said to his father follow me and have no fear they walked a long distance through the stomach and the whole body of the shark when they reached the throat of the monster they stopped for a while to wait for the right moment in which to make their escape I want you to know that the shark from asthma and heart trouble was obliged to sleep with his mouth open because of this Pinocchio was able to catch a glimpse of the sky filled with stars as he looked up through the open jaws of his new home the time has come for us to escape he whispered turning to his father the shark is fast asleep the sea is calm and the night is as bright as day follow me closely dear father and we shall soon be saved no sooner than done they climbed up the throat of the monster till they came to that immense open mouth there they had to walk on tiptoes they held the shark's long tongue he might awaken and where would they be then the tongue was so wide and so long that it looked like a country road the two fugitives were just about to dive into the sea when the shark sneezed and very suddenly as he sneezed he gave Pinocchio and Gepetto such a jolt that they found themselves thrown on their backs and dashed once more very unceremoniously into the stomach of the monster to make matters worse the candle went out and father and son were left in the dark and now as Pinocchio with a serious face now we are lost why lost? give me your hand dear father and be careful not to slip where will you take me? we must try again come with me and don't be afraid with these words Pinocchio took his father by the hand and always walking on tiptoes they climbed up the monster's throat for a second time and then they crossed the whole tongue and jumped over three rows of teeth but before they took the last great leap the marionette said to his father climb on my back and hold on tight to my neck I'll take care of everything else as soon as Gepetto was comfortably seated on his shoulders Pinocchio very sure of what he was doing dived into the water and started to swim the sea was like oil the moon shone in all splendor and the shark continued to sleep so soundly that not even a cannon shot would have awakened him end of chapter 35 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Kevin Radine www.kevinsvoice www.kevinsvoice.com The Adventures of Pinocchio by C. Colodi translated by Carol Della Chelsia Chapter 36 Pinocchio finally ceases to be a marionette and becomes a boy my dear father we are saved cried the marionette all we have to do now is to get to shore and that is easy without another word he swam swiftly away in an effort to reach land as soon as possible all at once he noticed that Gepetto was shivering and shaking as if with a high fever was he shivering from fear or from cold who knows perhaps a little of both but Pinocchio thinking his father was frightened tried to comfort him by saying courage father in a few moments we shall be safe on land but where is that blessed shore asked the little old man more and more worried as he tried to pierce the far away shadows here I am searching on all sides and I see nothing but sea and sky I see the shore the marionette said remember father that I am like a cat I see better at night than by day or Pinocchio pretended to be peaceful and contented but he was far from that he was beginning to feel discouraged his strength was leaving him and his breathing was becoming more and more labored he felt he could not go on much longer and the shore was still far away he swam a few more strokes then he turned to Gepetto and cried out weakly help me father help me from dying father and son were really about to drown when they heard a voice like a guitar out of tune call from the sea what is the trouble it is I and my poor father I know that voice you are Pinocchio exactly and you I am the Tony your companion in the shark's stomach and how did you escape I imitated your example you are the one who showed me the way and after you went I followed the right moment I implore you for the love you bear your children the little Tunnies to help us or we are lost with great pleasure indeed hang on to my tail both of you and let me lead you in a twinkling you'll be safe on land Gepetto and Pinocchio as you can easily imagine did not refuse the invitation indeed instead of hanging on to the tail they thought it better to climb on the Tunnies back are we too heavy asked Pinocchio heavy not in the least answered the Tunny who is as large as a two year old horse as soon as they reached the shore Pinocchio was the first to jump to the ground to help his old father then he turned to the fish and said to him dear friend you have saved my father and I have not enough words with which to thank you allow me to embrace you as a sign of my eternal gratitude the Tunny stuck his nose out of the water and Pinocchio knelt on the sand and kissed him most affectionately on his cheek at this warm greeting the poor Tunny who was not used to such tenderness wept like a child he felt so embarrassed and ashamed that he turned quickly plunged into the sea and disappeared in the meantime day had dawned Pinocchio offered his arm to Gepetto who was so weak he could hardly stand and said to him lean on my arm dear father and let us go we will walk very very slowly and if we feel tired we can rest by the wayside and where are we going asked Gepetto to look for a house or a hut where they will be kind enough to give us a bite of bread and a bit of straw to sleep on they had not taken a hundred steps when they saw two rough looking individuals sitting on a stone begging for alms it was the fox and the cat but one could hardly recognize them they looked so miserable the cat after pretending to be blind for so many years had really lost sight of both eyes the fox old thin and almost hairless had even lost his tail and my thief had fallen into deepest poverty and one day he had been forced to sell his beautiful tail for a bite to eat oh Pinocchio he cried in a tearful voice give us some alms we beg of you we are old, tired and sick sick repeated the cat audio false friends answered the marionette you cheated me once but you will never catch me again believe us the cat if you are poor you deserve it remember the old proverb which says stolen money never bears fruit audio false friends have mercy on us audio false friends remember the old proverb which says bad we always makes poor bread do not abandon us abandon us repeated the cat audio false friends remember the old proverb neighbor's shirt usually dies without his own waving goodbye to them Pinocchio and Gepetto calmly went on their way a few more steps they saw at the end of a long road near a clump of trees a tiny cottage built of straw someone must live in that hut said Pinocchio let us see for ourselves they went and knocked on the door who is it said a little voice from within a poor father and a poorer son without food and no roof to cover them answered the marionette turned the key and the door will open said the same little voice Pinocchio turned the key and the door opened as soon as they went in they looked here and there and everywhere but saw no one oh ho where is the owner of the hut cried Pinocchio very much surprised here I am up here father and son looked up at the ceiling and there on the beam set the talking cricket my dear cricket said Pinocchio bowing politely oh now you can call me your dear cricket but do you remember when you threw your hammer to kill me you are right dear cricket throw a hammer at me now I deserve it but spare my poor old father I am going to spare both the father and the son I have only wanted to remind you of the trick you long ago played upon me I teach you that in this world of ours we must be kind and courteous to others if we want to find kindness in our own days you are right little cricket you are more than right and I shall remember the lesson you have taught me but will you tell me how you succeeded in buying this pretty little cottage this cottage was given to me yesterday by a little goat with blue hair and where did the goat go as Pinocchio I don't know and when will she be back she will never come back yesterday she went away bleeding sadly and it seemed to me she said poor Pinocchio I shall never see him again and the dark must have eaten him by this time were those her real words then it was she it was my dear little fairy cried out Pinocchio sobbing bitterly after he had cried a long time he wiped his eyes and then he made a bed of straw for old Gepetto he laid him on it and said to the talking cricket tell me little cricket where shall I find a glass of milk for my poor father refields away from here lifts farmer John he has some cows go there and he will give you what you want I will wait at farmer John's house the farmer said to him how much milk do you want I want a full glass a full glass costs a penny first give me the penny I have no penny answered Pinocchio sad and ashamed very bad my marionette answered the farmer very bad if you have no penny I have no milk too bad said Pinocchio and started to go wait a moment said farmer John perhaps we can come to terms do you know how to draw water from a well I can try then go to that well you see yonder and draw 100 bucket fulls of water very well after you have finished I shall give you a glass of warm sweet milk I am satisfied farmer John took the marionette to the well and showed him how to draw the water Pinocchio said to work as well as he knew how but long before he had pulled up the 100 buckets he was tired out and dripping with perspiration he had never worked so hard in his life until today the farmer said my donkey has drawn the water for me but now that poor animal is dying will you take me to see him? said Pinocchio gladly as soon as Pinocchio went into the stable he spied a little donkey lying on a bed of straw in the corner of the stable he was worn out from hunger and too much work after looking at him a long time he said to himself I know that donkey I have seen him before and bending low over him he asked who are you? at this question the donkey opened weary dying eyes and answered in the same tongue I am lampwick then he closed his eyes and died oh my poor lampwick said Pinocchio in a faint voice as he wiped his eyes with some straw he had picked up from the ground do you feel sorry for a little donkey that has cost you nothing? said the farmer what should I do? I who have paid my good money for him but you see he was my friend your friend? a classmate of mine what? shouted farmer john bursting out laughing what? you had donkeys in your school? how you must have studied the marionette ashamed and hurt by those words did not answer but taking his glass of milk returned to his father from that day on for more than five months Pinocchio got up every morning just as dawn was breaking went to the farm to draw water and every day he was given a glass of warm milk for his poor old father who grew stronger and better day by day but he was not satisfied with this he learned to make baskets of reeds and sold them with the money he received he and his father were able to keep from starving among other things he built a rolling chair strong and comfortable to take his old father out for an airing on bright sunny days in the evening the marionette studied by lamp light with some of the money he had earned he bought himself a second hand volume that had a few pages missing and with that he learned to read in a very short time as far as writing was concerned he used a long stick at one end of which he had whittled a long fine point ink he had none so he used the juice of blackberries or cherries little by little his diligence was rewarded he succeeded not only in his studies but also in his work and a day came when he put enough money together to keep his old father comfortable and happy besides this he was able to save the great amount of 50 pennies with it he wanted to buy himself a new suit one day he said to his father I am going to the marketplace to buy myself a coat a cap and a pair of shoes when I come back I'll be so dressed up you will think I am a rich man he ran out of the house and up the road to the village laughing and singing suddenly he heard his name called and looking around to see whence the voice came from he noticed a large snail crawling out of some bushes he said the snail yes and no do you remember the snail that lived with the fairy with azure hair do you not remember how she opened the door for you one night and gave you something to eat I remember everything cried Pinocchio answer me quickly pretty snail where have you left my fairy what is she doing has she forgiven me does she remember me does she still love me is she very far away from me my dear Pinocchio the fairy is lying ill in a hospital in a hospital yes indeed she has been stricken with trouble and illness and she hasn't a penny left with which to buy a bite of bread really oh how sorry I am my poor dear little fairy if I had a million I should run to her with it but I have only 50 pennies here they are I was just going to buy some clothes here take them little snail fairy what about the new clothes what does that matter I shall like to sell these rags I have on to help her more go and hurry come back here within a couple of days and I hope to have more money for you until today I have worked for my father now I shall have to work for my mother also goodbye and I hope to see you soon the snail much against her usual habit began to run like a lizard under a summer sun when Pinocchio returned home his father asked him and where is the new suit I couldn't find one to fit me I shall have to look again some other day that night Pinocchio instead of going to bed at 10 o'clock waited until midnight and instead of making 8 baskets he made 16 after that he went to bed and fell asleep as he slept he dreamed of his fairy beautiful smiling and happy who kissed him and said to him bravo Pinocchio and reward for your kind heart I forgive you for all of your old mischief boys who love and take good care of their parents when they are old and sick deserve praise even though they may not be held up as models of obedience and good behavior keep on doing well and you will be happy at that very moment Pinocchio awoke and opened wide his eyes what was his surprise and his joy when on looking himself over he saw that he was no longer a marionette but that he had become a real live boy he looked all about him and instead of the usual walls of straw he found himself in a beautifully furnished little room the prettiest he had ever seen in a twinkling he jumped down from his bed to look at the chair standing near there he found a new suit a new hat and a pair of shoes as soon as he was dressed he put his hands in his pockets and pulled out a little leather purse on which were written the following words the fairy with azure hair returns 50 pennies for her dear Pinocchio with many thanks for his kind heart the marionette opened the purse to find the money and behold there were 50 gold coins Pinocchio ran to the mirror he hardly recognized himself the bright face of a tall boy looked at him with wide awake blue eyes dark brown hair and happy smiling lips surrounded by so much splendor the marionette hardly knew what he was doing he rubbed his eyes two or three times wondering if he was still asleep or awake and decided he must be awake and where his father he cried suddenly he ran into the next room and there stood Gepetto grown years younger overnight spick and span in his new clothes and gay as a lark in the morning he was once more Mastro Gepetto the woodcarver hard at work on a lovely picture frame decorating it with flowers and leaves and heads of animals father father what has happened tell me if you can jump on his father's neck this sudden change in our house is all you're doing my dear Pinocchio what have I to do with it just this when bad boys become good and kind they have the power of making their homes gay and new with happiness I wonder where the old Pinocchio of wood has hidden himself there he is and he pointed to a large marionette leaning against a chair head turned to one side leaning limp and legs twisted under him after a long long look Pinocchio said to himself with great content how ridiculous I was as a marionette and how happy I am now that I've become a real boy end of chapter 36 end of the adventures of Pinocchio recorded by Kevin Radine Albany New York March 2006


I would like to welcome our last speaker, Erin McKernan, and she will be speaking about evaluating researchers. Are we rewarding what we value? All right, so we're gonna send you into lunch needing a drink, because Sarah had some bad news and I have some worse news. So my name is Erin McKernan, I'm the community manager for the Open Research Funders Group, and I'm also a professor at the National Autonomous University of Mexico in Mexico City in the Department of Physics. It's always hard to stand between folks, sorry, how do I move slides here? There we go, yeah. Always hard to stand between folks and lunch, so if anyone is really, really hungry, you can just read this slide and then skip out, I won't take it personally. The questions that we're trying to answer in this research are, what do universities value? What do they actually reward? And are those two the same thing? And I'll just tell you no, they're not, at least not yet. So I'm gonna tell you some bad news with our data and then tell you a little bit about what we're trying to do to hopefully correct the situation. So if we, again, ask what is it that universities value? We can take from their mission statements some of this. So if we look at university mission statements, and a lot of you may see your own university in this, those often tout the importance of community engagement, public engagement, working for the public good, especially if you work at a public institution like I do. So if we think about those values, how might they be reflected when we're looking at faculty behavior at the time of evaluation? So if we look at faculty work, there's lots of different aspects that we might think of as public dimensions of that work. Lots of different knowledge exchange that happens outside of a traditional journal publication. There's sharing information through articles, through preprints, they're sharing data, they're sharing code, they're sharing educational resources. But there's also science communication through blogging, through educational outreach events. We may be interacting a lot, depending on our research with communities, trying to reach out to those communities, get them participating, collaborate with those communities. And so where are all of these things in the promotion and tenure process? So when we asked these questions, we realized that we really didn't know a lot about what promotion and tenure documents actually say. So this is the RPT project, review promotion and tenure in collaboration with the Skalcom lab. So Meredith Niles at the University of Vermont and Juan Pablo Albrin at Simon Frazier University, primary collaborators with me on this work. So what we did was collect over 800 documents related to the RPT processes at 129 universities. So this is a representative sample of universities throughout the U.S. and Canada. We had 381 academic units represented there. We had R-type, M-type, back-type institutions and also various disciplines within those academic units represented. And so what we did was analyze those documents to find out what they said. So if we first look at a few key words here, we can search those documents and look for mentions of public and community and public or community engagement. We see that the mentions across all institution types are relatively high. So 60%, 70%, 80%, even 90% in some cases. So again, we are at least in this sense seeing an alignment, right? So institutional mission statements mentioning those aspects and the documents mentioning those aspects. But when we look at the language surrounding those words, here's where we start to see a problem. So the most common word we saw next to public was service. And the most common words we saw next to the word community was service and university. So first of all, what community are we talking about? We're still talking about the academic community, community within our university walls. That's not necessarily what we mean when we say community engagement, right? Or working for the public good. And then what's the other problem? What do we know about service? Service is the most undervalued category in our RPT trifecta of research, teaching and service. And not only is it the most undervalued, but it's also the one that falls most heavily, often on the shoulders of women, faculty of color and other underrepresented groups. So now, not only are you not rewarding the very things that could help you achieve your institutional mission, but you also have a major equity issue in terms of who are performing those activities and are you selecting them out of your system?  Then we went and looked at a few other words, impact. Everybody loves impact, right? Metrics, traditional outputs, traditional outputs over 90% in every institution type. But again, is traditional output, is that really measuring community engagement or public good? A lot of those traditional outputs and those metrics like citations aren't measuring those aspects of community work, right? One potential one that could measure whether we're getting to the communities we want to get to is access to literature. But when we looked at how often open access was mentioned in these documents, it's a very depressing number. So it was around 5% and a lot of those mentions were actually negative. They were cautioning folks against publishing in predatory open access journals. So again, are we rewarding what we value? So the public dimension of impact, when we analyze this language, the public dimension of impact is rarely mentioned explicitly in any RPT document. So only 9% of our type institutions and 11% of M types. That's a very, very low number if we compare that to the overall number of mentioning public or mentioning impact. But these two things don't seem to go together in the ways that we would like them to. So here's that bad news. Really high incidence of the terms public and community across RPT documents, but neither explicit incentives or clear structures of support for those actual public dimensions of scholarship. So we have arrows going in opposite directions, right? We have the university saying this is our mission, but at the time that they're going to evaluate faculty for review, promotion and tenure, they're not rewarding what they supposedly value. And faculty are also feeling a mismatch here. So as part of this larger study, we went and surveyed faculty at the same institutions for which we had RPT documents. And we asked them, why are you publishing in certain venues? And this will surprise none of the psychologists in the room, but when we asked them why they published in certain venues, they said, well, I'm interested in readership and audience, but all my colleagues only care about prestige and impact factor, right? So I'm doing the right thing, but everybody else is not. But if everybody thinks that, what's going on? Why are we not having more conversations about our actual values? And part of it had to do with they think they're being evaluated on these things. They think everybody else is concerned about these things. So again, the results suggesting a disconnect between what academics value versus what they think their peers value and particularly what they think their peers are evaluating them on. So that's all the bad news. Got it out of the way. What's the good news? The good news, as Sara was saying, is that there are actually a lot of efforts going on throughout the world focused on promotion and tenure reform. There's growing momentum. I think we can say there is definitely growing momentum. Whether or not those initiatives are having the immediate impact we would like to see, I think the answer again is not yet, but are people talking about it increasingly? Yes, right? And so I just want to mention this is not a representative sample of all the things going on, but just a few things that I'd like to talk about. So last year, the Department of Psychology at the University of Maryland was the first, if not the only one I'm aware of in the US that went through and revised their promotion and tenure guidelines with the championship of Mike Doherty as the chair of psychology there. And you'll now see that they've taken kind of a values-based approach. Again, what is it that we actually want to incentivize? And they have embedded open science language and practices throughout their tenure promotion guidelines and also their merit review guidelines. So I encourage folks to check that out. I'll provide the slides afterwards where all the links are available. The other thing we've been doing with Mike Doherty is now going around and talking to department chairs about this values-based approach. So a few months ago, we ran a workshop at the COGDOP meeting. So this is a meeting for chairs of Departments of Psychology. And we did that. We went in, we were using the values-based approach from Hugh Metrix, if folks are familiar with that project. And we went in and said, well, as psychology departments, as chairs, what are you trying to incentivize? Do you want rigor? Do you want reproducibility? Do you want inclusivity? Do you want diversity? Okay, if those are the things you want, then what are the behaviors or practices that you need to measure that would enable those things? And then, how can we rethink our promotion and tenure guidelines based on that? How can we get out of this research, teaching, service, metrics, traditional outputs box that we're stuck in and think about a values-based approach? So we did that and it generated a lot of conversation and we're now thinking about writing that up. The good news is, too, they're going to be running another workshop for any of you that are going to be at the APS meeting. That will be with Mike Doherty and the lead of another initiative I want to talk about. That's Caitlin Carter. She is leading up the Higher Education Leadership for Initiative for Open Scholarship. So this is Helios. This launched the last year and it is 91 institutions now. It started with 65, grew to 91. Across the U.S. that have raised their hand and said they are interested in Open Scholarship, committed to this as one of their enabling strategies. And we have a working group within that initiative that's focused on institutional policy, so reforming promotion and tenure. What can we do there? They put out a joint statement talking about can we at least start those discussions? We know promotion and tenure reform is hard. We realize it's going to look different at every institution but can we start those discussions and have them together? So they are starting that work and really hope to see great things coming out of that. At least now we're having those conversations. We're getting folks together to say how can we better align our institutional mission and the sharing practices and the community engagement that we would like to see with what we're evaluating in the promotion and tenure process. So just a few examples and I think I'll leave it there but thank you very much for your time. Thank you, that was super interesting. We have almost three minutes for the questions. Hi, Kathy Zeiler, Boston University School of Law. This is super interesting and I've been writing to try to give some prescriptive steps. All sorts of actors can take including school administrators and including tenure and promotion. And I gave a talk recently and a former dean of the Yale Law School was in the audience and he raised his hand and said, why would any dean wanna do this? We're winning under what we're doing now under the old standards. And by winning I think he means we're doing well in the rankings. So why would we wanna rock the boat? So how do you, what encouraged, I'm interested in why Marilyn is moving forward and these other schools are moving forward. What is the incentive? What are the motivations? Yeah, that's a good question. I think there's a few answers. So one is, are you really winning, right? So do university rankings again really represent those things that are touted in our mission statement? Are we measuring community engagement, public good? Those things don't often get factored into those calculations. So when folks say we're winning I would question whether that's actually the case. The other thing I'd say is that there's growing momentum also on the federal policy level. This is gonna look different for different disciplines but these changes are coming. So if you think you're winning now you might not be winning a year or two from now if you haven't already set your faculty up to succeed in terms of sharing. Because these things are, these are coming, right? They're in the OSTP memo that came out last year is gonna require article sharing, data sharing. I think we're gonna see a growing trend with that with funders, we are seeing a trend. So, and that's another one, you want the funding? You might not be winning if you're not encouraging faculty to share. So that's how I'd entered that, I think. Sorry, there is a lot of questions here. There's a lot of questions, it was a very nice talk. Thank you. Wolf Kinkers North Assistant Professor on a tenure track Michigan State University. I've been an open source open science advocate for like roughly a decade and I feel like what I took away from this is like, the main thing that we can do is win at publications and show that open science is a better model. I'm wondering what are the suggestions you have for young tenure streams, young tenure stream faculty as well as people in the open science community to push and make us transform things towards a better future. In two seconds. No, now it's going the other way. So yeah, it's really hard and I'll say, I'll just be completely honest. So I went through the tenure and promotion process just last year. It was almost not successful. I was almost one of those people that got run out and now have 10 years, I can say this probably. Congratulations. Oh, thank you, thank you. But part of the reason that it almost wasn't successful is because I had a lot of shared products like data sets and software and preprints that just weren't counted. So now trying to go to my department and say, again, what is our mission? What are we trying to do? We're the largest public institution in Mexico, right? So if I have shared educational resources, that's putting some benefit back into the community. Why are we not evaluating this? Why are we not valuing it? I'm not sure I have a great answer for you. I would just say one of the things that helped me was sharing all this raised my visibility as a researcher when I was on that tenure track, right? And helped me create a name for myself in a way that I don't think I would have been able to do with just journal publications in a niche area of research. And that helped me in the end to eventually win that case. And so just kind of pushing back and saying, part of this is visibility, part of this is getting out there in front of people and openness is helping me to do that is one strategy. I won't say it's easy. I nearly failed, but that's what I'd say, I think. Thank you very much. I think we should move to the lunch break now. The next session will start at 1 p.m. At 12.30 we are starting poster session in the Great Hall. So I suggest you get your lunch and go to the posters and we meet here at 1. Thank you so much. Thank you to all the fantastic speakers.