I'd like to welcome you all to our open-stack architecture for the Enterprise. We've got quite a lot to get through today, so we're going to go through it as quickly as we can. So, I'm Keith Ovan. I'm part of Dell Cloud Services. I'm based in Ireland in the Dublin Centre of Excellence, and this is Greg Jacobs. Also in the Dell Centre of Excellence located in the United States. Okay, so... Pardon me? Do you want to go under? So, part of where we're coming from, I suppose, in this talk is to look at open-stack in the context of Enterprise, as opposed to the context of provider scale. So, we had a number of design goals when we said about doing this, and part of our design goals was to really focus on the requirements that enterprises have, as opposed to the requirements that a provider has. And in some parts they're the same, and in some parts they're different. So, we said about having a number of design goals in this architecture. And the design goals, like we looked at, was zero downtime across the control layer. So, the most important part for us, or one of the important parts, was to have that zero downtime. No data loss. So, again, the idea being that in this model that if there's a failure, that we actually have no data loss within the control layer. Durability. The model that's fairly well accepted within the provider model is to provide for forward-leaning applications. But in enterprises, not all applications are going to be forward-leaning. We're going to have some applications that are backward-leaning, some legacy applications that are basically enterprise-grade applications. And these applications have their resilience expected within the actual stack itself, and not within the software. And we need to be able to provide for this in the enterprise context. So, the other part as well is around minimizing the management tasks that's based around running an enterprise open stack. So, we started to look at this, with these design goals in mind, we started to look at this as sort of, you know, what we were trying to achieve. And what we've done was we said about designing an architecture around this. So, this architecture we deployed today for our customers in Dell. And over the next couple of minutes, we'll take a look at some of the elements that go into actually realizing this architecture. So, when we started to look at this, we suddenly began to realize that the architecture for enterprise is more than just the element of open stack. So, we have storage. So, we looked at the stack inside Dell and what we had to offer. And we started to look at, from the top down, we started to look at, you know, multi-cloud manager, the ability to sort of manage a cloud in a way that allowed you to just have more than just open stack in a private setting, but also you might want to have, say, some of your cloud resources in a public setting. We started to look at open stack itself, which we'll take you through in a minute. And we started to look at storage and what we had to offer on storage. And we looked at the sort of two areas of what Dell had to offer. Part of it being equal logic, which is, you know, your traditional storage. And we have a set of drivers for Cinder that supports this. We started to look at, you know, some customers like, you know, want to use open source software. So, we've chosen to go down the route of SEP. We started to look at deployment. And one of the parts for us was that deployment is something that should be easy. I mean, it shouldn't take a long time to spin up a cloud. It shouldn't be complicated. Crowbar. Crowbar is a project that we looked at.  And we said, this is a very good platform on which we base our development. We'll take you through all this in more detail as we go through. We looked at the networking. We said, you know, best in breed networking, force 10. And we looked at server range. We chose to go down with R620, R720, and C6100. I mean, these are all cloud, you know, grade servers with features specifically for cloud. Security. Security is one of those things that was absolutely a must for an enterprise. So we started, we talked, you know, we worked with our security team to build, and at a very early stage, the architecture that shows that it was secure. And then wrapping all of this up is the ability to have this managed if you wanted it managed. So Dell Cloud, that's what Dell Cloud Services does.  You get this one. So Crowbar. Yes. So deployment. In our space, we have the Crowbar tool, which is a great tool to deploy the... Crowbar. Okay. And we looked at it from the deployment model. Crowbar offers an excellent deployment model. It's one of the few products that actually manages the complete stack from the actual hardware provisioning up to the software layer. Okay. So one of the things we have in Crowbar is sort of unique is the ability to provision hardware. Okay. This provisioning of hardware is something that starts with the idea that, you know, when you kick off a run of Crowbar, what you actually get is it will go out, it will seek all the nodes that are available. And once it finds those nodes, it basically starts to interrogate those nodes and starts to figure out if the BIOS is current. And if the BIOS isn't current, what it will do is it will start to upgrade the BIOS. It will start to look at the individual firmware on the individual cards on the server. And it will start to upgrade the firmware on those cards. It will start to do the configuration of the BIOS. And it starts to do the configuration of the network cards. And all of the PCI cards within the actual server itself. So it actually brings your hardware infrastructure up to a stage where it is at a known stage. Okay. And your current. It then starts to lay down using what they call a set of bar clamps which are set to modules within OpenStack. They basically define how the actual deployment is going to look from an OpenStack point of view. This is how which nodes are going to be control nodes and which nodes are going to be compute nodes. And it starts to lay down the software based on the bar clamps within those nodes itself. You know, it's within a very short space of time, you know, typically we're looking at a rack of servers and you can provision up a rack of servers in a very, very short space of time. It's got a web UI. So this is web UI driven. So it allows you to become very familiar very quickly with the tasks that it can carry out. The bar clamps themselves are something that you can create yourself. They are basically internally their chef recipes with a wrapper of a bar clamp around it which basically augment the chef recipe. So if you've got proprietary requirements you can actually create bar clamps for to add this functionality inside your infrastructure. So if we look at sort of just a small, on the left-hand side, you know, you've typically got your bar clamps which would be sort of your database bar clamp, your identity bar clamp, your image bar clamp. Your block storage, networking, Nova Horizon. These are the elements that go into OpenStack. OpenStack basically does a pixie boot on all your servers. It lays down what they call a sledge hammer image which does all the interrogation and all the actual firmware upgrade and the configuration of your firmware. It's quite a considerable amount of time goes into it. When you think about it, a considerable amount of time goes into the provisioning of the hardware itself and doing all of that upgrade of the firmware. And one of the nice parts about it is once your infrastructure is in place, the ability to upgrade afterwards and come along and lay down new firmware on the system is pretty easy. So one of the elements that's built into Crowbar is that it uses Chef. Chef is familiar to many people, so it's pretty easy to create those bar clamps and extend it. And on the right-hand side, you basically get an idea that it creates your cloud for you. So we had Crowbar 1.x. And as the project has matured over the past 18 months, we've seen a huge amount of change within the industry. We started to refactor our thinking around Crowbar and we started to move towards Crowbar 2. Crowbar 2 is an open-source project, so it's currently under development. And we're very interested in people that want to get involved in the project. We're sort of moving towards the timeframe for Crowbar 2 as we move towards the middle of next year. So it's going to bring a lot of new functionality. So within the infrastructure, when we looked at this, one of the areas that we saw as a sort of complication was around load balancing. Many of the models that exist today sort of work on the basis that you'll have an active passive arrangement. And there's nothing wrong with this. I mean, this works very well and it's tried and proven. You've got something like Keep Alive D and you've got your load balancer and you've got your VIP. The incoming requests basically come in through the VIP and hit the load balancer and are spread out to Keystone or any of the API endpoints. And this model works pretty good and in the failover situation, what happens is the VIP through Keep Alive D it will actually move over to the other node in a failure situation and the other node basically picks up where the original node controller 0 picks up its work. I mean, does anyone see anything wrong with this model? Okay, here's one of the areas that I see and we saw as being a difficulty. It doesn't scale. You have one server that you spend a substantial amount of money keeping there running and it's not really doing a whole lot. That's one area. The other area is bottlenecking. I mean, it doesn't scale. What you're doing is you're pulling all of the traffic. I mean, you're talking about traffic around Keystone. You're talking about all the traffic around Neutron. You're talking about the API traffic around Neutron. You're not the individual compute node traffic. You're talking about the Cinder API traffic, the Keystone API traffic, the Nova API traffic. You're talking about the scheduler because the scheduler goes through RabbitMQ and RabbitMQ is low balance behind it.  You've got Horizon and we've got Glance. All of these services basically are bottlenecked through that one point. Your network cards, or cards if you've got them bonded, are going to saturate. You're getting enough network traffic through there. That's what you're going to get. So we started to look at this and we said, we need to load balance the load balancer. Sounds a bit crazy. But we do. And that's what we decided to do. So within networking, we've come up with the concept. We've seen others do it. It's not unique. We've taken our network switches, our force 10s, and basically the routing within the actual network switches, we're using OSPF and ECMP. And we're basically spreading the traffic amongst the load balancers. Basically what's going on is inside the networking switch itself, you've got a router. And inside each of the individual controller nodes, in this case we have three controller nodes, we have got Quagga, which is a router. The end points are all serviced internally within the node. It means that you can't really get the end points directly. You have to come through Quagga. So what's going to happen is when you make an API request, it's going to come into one of the switches, where it's going to find its way, the packet is going to be routed based on the criteria we lay down within the router itself. And it's going to land on one of the Quaggas to be routed onwards into the API. Because the API is held internally. And once they hit the API, they're hitting the HA proxy, and the HA proxy just does its normal job of distributing the load amongst the Keystone. This arrangement works very well because it's load balancing the load balancer. And if you get a situation where you lose one of the controller nodes, the OSPF is going to recognize that that route isn't there anymore. So the packets are not going to be sent down to try to send those packets down to that particular controller node. So it's a very resilient model. It's a very resilient model. So one of the outside of the load balancer, we started to look at Neutron. And with Grizzly, we found that the advantage that had been brought in Grizzly was the ability to distribute the L2 and L3 and DCHP agents amongst nodes. This is the model that a lot of people will see. You're running your networking through one point. This is the bottlenecking problem coming back again. But this is based around the tenant because all the tenant networks will be hosted inside the actual network node. That network node could be on a controller node. So you still end up with the same problem. No matter where you host the actual Neutron API and the Neutron services, you're still going to end up with bottlenecking all of that traffic into one area. We took advantage of what Grizzly had to offer and we'd gone with a different model. And we chose to distribute our load amongst all of the computers. So what we do is we install the L3, the DCHP and the OSP-FE agents onto the compute nodes. And we place, on the controller nodes, we place Neutron, the Neutron API, which has got the scheduler built into it. And what happens is that when you get a provisioning request for a new network, the scheduler is going to basically look to the compute nodes for which one is available to take that tenant network. By spreading out the tenant networks amongst all of the compute nodes, we're spreading the load amongst a wider, we're spreading the tenant load amongst a wider server base. This gives us a big advantage in the case of failure, where we've got to spread over a wider area. So we're less likely to take down as many tenant networks. If we do take down a tenant network, we can just reprovision. So in this situation, we can reprovision the tenant network very, very quickly and get the tenant network back up and going again. So RabbitMQ, the model that we see used in a singular sort of server situation, just wasn't going to work. So we took advantage of what was there, and we're using a cluster model with Mericuse. This works very well for us. We've placed it behind the load balancer, effectively, again, across our controller nodes. And in a controller node situation, I show three controller nodes there, but this can be up to end times the control load. It scales pretty linearly. So we end up with a situation, basically, being a clustered RabbitMQ, and it services all the requests coming into the load balancer. Because it's the dynamic load balancer, again, we've got that added advantage of it being load balancing the load balancer. So the heart of most open stacks is going to be the database. The database isn't stable. We're into problems. So this is a little bit boring, but I want to take you through this for a reason. This sort of just shows a single model where you've got a single database, and we all know that that's going to fail. If it fails, that's it, you're dusted. It's your open stack is down. Single point of failure, that's the biggest disadvantage. We started to look at the active passive model that would traditionally be used. It's a good model. The data is asynchronously replicated, and in the event of a failure, the VIP moves over like we saw earlier on, and the load is taken up by the other server. I mean, this works. But it's got asynchronous replication. The question is, does anyone see any problems with asynchronous replication? I'll leave that for a minute, and I'll come back to it. You've got that. You've also got a scale limit. This model only scales so far. You've also got the fact that you've got one server there sitting, most of the time doing very little, only waiting for the other one to fail. It's a waste of resources. So we looked at DRDB. This model works pretty good. The data is replicated. Again, you have this problem in that the server is basically one server sitting there. I won't say doing very little, but it's accepting the data replication from the other server. But again, it's doing very little. It's a waste of resources. And in the event of failure, it fails over pretty much the same as the active pass model. And again, it limits its scale. And we looked at multi-master replication. So this would be your typical MySQL approach with nothing unique here. In this model, we have two applications and a load balancer, two streams of queries coming into the server cluster and being serviced and the replication going on between the servers. And this is your typical scenario. In the event of a failure, the traffic is routed to one of the other servers. The server that died is okay and everything just walks away as normal. But there's a problem. There's no guarantee that at any point the data is consistent across all nodes. Because of asynchronous replication, the best you can hope for is that the data got to the other node before it failed. If it didn't, you're into a scenario where that server is now has different data than the rest of the cluster. That means when you go to bring it back online, you have to get manually involved in it. You have to somehow try to figure out what is in this table versus the current tables. And you're into problems. One of the other things that we looked at was single-tread replication. So the typical out-of-the-box MySQL uses a single thread for replication. This increases your probability of actually having inconsistency within your cluster in a failure situation. Because you've only got one thread. And in this slide, you can see, I've marked that it's using one processor core to do the replication that is equal to one thread. And this means that you've all the server available to you. You're only replicating using one thread. So we spoke about the disadvantages. They should be starting to become obvious. So we looked at what could we do. We decided to use the Precona model. Precona has got synchronous replication. That means within the cluster, at any point in time, the data is always consistent. Let's speak a little bit about that in a minute. Let's go back to one slide. So it's also a multi-master model, much like the multi-master model we spoke about earlier. It's got automatic node provisioning, which I'll speak about in a minute. And it does a parallel apply on all nodes. So synchronous replication. This means that when a query arrives on a controller node, and there can be multiple control nodes, I've just simplified it here, it is wrote to all other nodes within the cluster, and all other nodes accept, and only when it's accepted is it deemed a valid query. It's wrote to all nodes. Like I said, all the data is consistent across all nodes at all times, meaning that you can get a failure at any point in time, and you can be guaranteed that all nodes are consistent. It's very, very easy for bringing the failed node back online, because you know the data is consistent. You've got multi-treaded replication, reducing the problem that you saw earlier on. You've got multiple cores on your server. The replication is taking advantage of all the cores. So replication doesn't become a bottleneck. Automatic provisioning. You want to add a new node into the cluster? You don't have to worry about getting the data from one node to the other, or if any of those complications or problems, it joins automatically. There's no difficulties involved. So you can scale this out pretty easily enough. And as we spoke about, it's a multi-master model. So it gives us a stable platform on which to build our OpenStack infrastructure on. We looked at block storage, and one of the things we started to sort of look at was enterprises, they've got both that forward leaning, and maybe as we move towards the future, that forward leaning application, those enterprise applications, and they've also got legacy applications. So it's not a very clean world. It's a lot cleaner world in the world of public cloud where people are tendency to move towards the more forward leaning application, where the resilience is built into the software. Enterprises don't have that luxury. They have applications, they've been sitting there for 10 years and they're not going to be upgraded. But they want to move them to a private cloud to take the advantages of it. One of the ways we have to deal with that is by providing storage, that's reliable. We use Equalogic. Equalogic has a driver for OpenStack. It's a two-head node configuration. It means we've got a certain amount of resilience. For people that really want to go down the OpenStack, the open source route, we have SEP, and we put that on our R720s, which is a very good platform for a performance point of view where we use SSDs. So I suppose to wrap up and take a very just quick look at what we do for the rest of the services. The rest of the services are all based around sitting those APIs behind the dynamic load balancer. It's about sitting the glance behind the dynamic load balancer. It's sitting the Novi API around behind the load balancer and Keystone and all of the other services. And again, we sit the MySQL behind the load balancer as well. So this gives you the model and it's a fairly resilient model. Within the lab environment, particularly where we do a lot of the fall testing, it's proven to be an extremely solid base for an enterprise-grade cloud. And I suppose that's the part that we're trying to differentiate is an enterprise-grade cloud. So hopefully we got to that pretty quickly. If anyone wants to dig deeper into the elements that we spoke about today, you can join us at the Dell Boot. We'll be there for at least 40 minutes. You're all quite welcome. Thank you for joining us.


Welcome everyone to our very special discussion today on internet routing and how critical it is to the way our data communications moves and the technology that's coming to trend right now, again, critical to the way we communicate. Today we are joined by prominent members of this initiative, and I'm really honored to introduce you to Dr. Joseph Lorenzo Hall, a distinguished technologist at Internet Society, ISAC, the Strong Internet, the Internet Society. Also joining me today is Lewis Fialo, the vice president of CTA. I'm going to start with you today, Dr. Hall. Can you tell us a little bit about ISAC, what you do, and what is your mission? Yes, thank you so much. The Internet Society was founded about 30 years ago, our 30 year anniversary is next year, and it's all about making sure the internet is for everyone. Our mission is to support and promote the development of the internet around the world, both in terms of making it stronger, which is what I focus on, and making it bigger, which is making sure that half of humanity that doesn't have access to the internet now will get it. We can't do this alone. As you can see today, we have very important partners. We have 87,000 individual members, 87 organizational members, organizations that believe in what we do. 127 chapters around the world working together to make the internet bigger and stronger and more available for everyone around the world. That is incredible. Tell us, why is routing security important to the internet? Sure thing. When people think about the internet, they don't often think about it's kind of like plumbing. People make fun of saying it's tubes, but in some sense you have to get the bits around the internet to go certain places. And in order to do that, we use what's called internet routing. And internet routing, unfortunately, is pretty creaky. It's like a house with old lead pipes in some sense. And so we have to work on shoring those pipes up. And it's really the key of having a trustworthy internet. If the information can't move around the internet, well, then you have a broken internet. You have one that just cannot fulfill the desires that we want, especially in the kinds of time that we want when we want it right now. Well said, well said. And so we're hearing a lot of headlines today about manners. So what is manners and why did ISOC really rally the internet operator community to create it? Yeah, so manners is an acronym, M-A-N-R-S, the Mutually Agreed Norms for Routing Security Initiative. And when we want to secure the routes, secure these, you know, shore up these pipes that allow the information to flow around the internet, we realized a lot of it is not just about individuals doing things, it's about groups of people getting together and protecting regions of the internet. And so we agreed, we realized that we don't need new technology, we need new norms, new ways of behaving. And it's an interestingly led initiative that builds on best practices that are all about, you know, essentially network hygiene, making sure your network is not polluting the internet and making sure that the stuff that comes into your network is dealt with sort of in a hygienic way, so to speak, that you don't have dirty stuff flying around inside your network, so to speak. And that creates really great partnerships. So, Lewis, tell us about China Telecom America, CTA, and how you're involved with manners. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having us in Dr. Hall. It's great to have you here as well. I think this initiative is very important for our industry. You know, it's sort of ironic that we're talking about, I mean, it's actually opportunistic that we're at ITW, one of the world's largest telecommunications conferences in the world. And we're getting an opportunity to talk a little bit about this. So for us, China Telecom, we saw this, we started learning about manners in 2018. At that time, we saw it, you know, as one of the largest IP internet routing companies in the world, with the largest base of users in the world, we obviously fit our needs, right, as part of our social responsibility to build a more stronger internet, a more confident internet where everybody would trust the internet. And we started that initiative in 2020. I was glad to see that we had one of our first networks, IP networks in the world, accepted. And then in 2021, all our networks were finally accepted. And then we became an evangelist, because not only, as Dr. Hall talked about it, is that there is, it's plumbing, okay, but the plumbing is only as good as all the participants and all the pieces of the plumbing that come together. So for us, we wanted to have, you know, running one of the largest IP networks in the world, we wanted to be at the forefront of this initiative. And it's actually worked out really well, and we're very proud to be part of Manners. And we've actually, in many ways, we believe we help other people understand the commitment and stuff. But, you know, we've made the investment, and more importantly, we've made the commitment to continue to support Manners and the Internet Society as we continue down this path together. Yeah, so well said. And in Dr. Hall, as we rely more and more on the Internet and connectivity partners like CTA, they have to work harder to make sure their networks are secure. So what's the problem, if you will, with Border Gateway protocol, BGP? And what can operators do about it? Wonderful. So we're going to get a little nerdy, so you have to forgive me because I'm definitely a nerd. When we created the protocols that run the Internet, we created all of them not secure because, you know, we were just tinkering around in the 70s and the 80s and showing my age. And so we had to actually build security into these things. And BGP was developed in such a way that it didn't have a lot of security. Everyone knew each other at the time. You didn't need a lot of that. It has no built-in mechanism to validate the routing announcements. It's just the way that pieces of plumbing tell you all the other pieces of plumbing where to go on the Internet. There are some technical solutions available and Manners creates a baseline that all network operators can use. And this includes things like filtering route announcements, filtering bad ones that you know are bad, preventing what's called IP address spoofing so that someone can't change the from address and end up sending things in the wrong way, maintaining up-to-date contact information so you know you can find a human if something's going wrong with the network, and then validating routes so others can verify what's actually legitimate. There's a few different ways to validate routes, two main ways. One is putting your routes in something called an Internet Route Registry, an IRR, and a newer version is cryptographic. So it's a little bit more secure because it uses very complicated math that I barely understand called RPKI or Resource Public Key Infrastructure. And that's one way to allow people to prove that you're able to tell people to come to your network for certain kinds of resources. Oh, I love that, I love that. And another fact that I came across in our research here that I was really intrigued by, Manners grew from 588 network provider participants to 750 in 2021. I mean that's tremendous. Why is this mission, Lewis, so important to CTA? And what needs to happen to encourage more providers like yourselves to get involved? Yeah, so if you think about what we're doing, you know, China Telecom is a tier one operator, okay? So we operate at the top level of the Internet Pyramid, right? But if we actually provide a platform where people are either using our delivery mechanism of our IP network, or transiting through our network, and making sure that what traverses through our network is the right information, the correct information, what happens is all of a sudden the people that are benefiting below us are tier two or tier three operators, okay? All of a sudden get the same benefit of a clean network as they're going through. And that's really important because the Internet has become so important, you know, given all the things that have happened to us in the last couple of years to have a robust Internet. And to have a network that is actually very, people rely on and actually feel confident, you know, so eliminating some of the issues that Dr. Hall just talked about. So for us, it was really like a no-brainer and something that we felt that we would actually take a lot of pride in pushing and supporting, not only in our network, but also through our efforts to educating other people about joining Manors and continue to do this. And maybe in the future we'll have it double this size and adding more. So exciting, so exciting. And Dr. Hall, is Manors just four large providers like CTA? Who else do you encourage to join? So there's something for everyone when it comes to practicing good manners. There are four programs, so it's not just network operators like what we've been talking about, but there's also Internet exchange points, these buildings in which all these networks connect together, all sorts of weird stuff can happen there. CDNs like Netflix and other folks that want to bring the content closer to the eyeball so it doesn't have to be on the network at all. And then equipment vendors, people who make the hardware that runs the Internet, also can join and show that their equipment can support routing security operations. I just love that, yeah, I love that. Also, Manors really addresses these large gaps that we see making BGP, like you mentioned, safer and more efficient. What are the requirements that participants of Manors needs to follow? And do you have any examples of how Manors has helped? Yeah, so the requirements are a little different. You can imagine a equipment vendor is going to be able to do different things than someone who operates a bunch of networks. In general, they need to do some combination of the following things depending on which program they're part of, excuse me. Filtering route announcements, as I mentioned before, to prevent route leaks and hijacks when someone actually tries to take over your network. Preventing IP address spoofing, making sure that both the two-in-the-from addresses, so to speak, and IP communication are not forged. You've got to keep up-to-date contact information. As I said, it's really important to find a human sometimes. There's global validation, and then there's making sure you monitor and debug certain kinds of tools that help your customers understand these things. And then there's Promoting Manors, which, let me tell you, CTA is an amazing example of that. And we've made excellent progress. One really good example to call out is Twitter. So recently, there appeared to be a Russian network across telecom hijacking Twitter's route.  But it didn't last very long. And the reason it didn't last very long is because Twitter learned from years before when Myanmar had tried to hijack the route to prevent people from going to Twitter. And now Twitter had in place what are called ROAs, ROAs, route object authorizations, which allows other networks to validate whether or not that's a legitimate announcement or not. And so many networks never even accepted that route, never even were fooled by that at all. And that's a really good example. Whereas in the past, with Myanmar, that lasted way longer and propagated really far throughout the internet. This didn't last very long, and it didn't go very far because people in the middle like China Telecom and others are actually filtering those out. And so it never even makes it to their customers. What a fantastic case in point, absolutely. And speaking of CTA, from your perspective, what are your company offering services to customers? What feedback have you received from your customers? Or what benefits can customers expect to experience now? Well, the feedback, actually, this is one of those topics where the feedback has been silent. So what does that mean, right? That means it's working, right? So we're excited. We're actually, you know, people, you know, sometimes routing issues and how it's propagates throughout the global internet is very confusing. And there's a lot of players involved.  So for us, when we don't hear of these problems, and, you know, for us, it's a testament that manners works. Okay. And for us, it's also important because we are trying to convey this message not only to our direct customers, but to our partners to jump on board because the stronger internet is really depending on everybody following manners, adapting manners. And that's what's going to take, right? And then when they have a stronger foundation, you're going to have a more usable foundation where there's trust in the network itself. So for us, it's been really critical. And ironically, it's one of those things that we just don't get any feedback, which is okay. I love that. I love that. And Dr. Hall, what do you see coming? What's next? How do you plan to keep working together to make the internet more secure? Well, I love that the proof is in the lack of complaints and support requests. That's just amazing. In the future, we're still actively recruiting people to come join manners. And specifically, like Louis said, there are... We love getting these big tier one networks, but there are some tier one networks that just for whatever reason can't do it. So we're going after their tier two customers and other kinds of individuals, networks that haven't done it yet. We still have a really long way to go in terms of what's called deploying RPKI, this cryptographic authentication mechanism It's at about 34% of networks right now and would really like to... In fact, some of my measures at work that depend on how well I do depend on us getting that higher. So I have a vested interest in making sure we get... The row is higher than 34% this year. And given the Twitter example I use, it's not a hard sell because people do not want someone stepping on their network traffic. We're also working to improve the ongoing conformance of manners participants so that they get monthly updates in how well they're doing. And we hope to sometime in the future... The community runs all of this, so I can't guarantee something's going to happen. We're also hoping to offer a higher level of conformance with some auditing built in so that you can know that a network is actively currently supporting the manners actions. I love that. I love that. And from China and telecom America's perspective, Louis, what is next? You know, for us, we continue to make the investments necessary to support manners. We also are big advocates of promoting the manners concept. You know, if you think about where the new internet companies are coming from, cloud companies and all these other technology companies, there are a lot of them being born in Asia. So being one of the largest Asian operators today in the world, we're proud of being able to partake in sharing the importance of this. And our customers, in many cases, are going to get direct benefit, but we want them to also adopt this technology or this manners overall so they can actually benefit.  Well said, well said. Thank you so much, gentlemen, for your time today and for making the internet a safer, more trustworthy place. We appreciate your efforts. All of us who are so... our whole livelihoods and ways of communicating just dependent on the internet and on all the services, whether we say it or not. So thank you, gentlemen and everyone, thank you for listening. Happy networking.


Hey guys, welcome to another installment of comic-gidding. We're all geek, culture collage. We're your hosts, I'm Shannon. Ah, I'm John Weiss. And this week we're going to be going over the CWTV series Crossovers. Speaking of invasion. And Crossover started in Supergirl suddenly and then it went flash arrow and ended in vision tomorrow. So really good story. Let's see, we're going to talk a little bit about Lucifer. He's not talking all good. TV show review of the Angel Box Set. Give me just a second, I'll show you what I'm talking about here. This is the Cube Box Set. Resistance is your talent. Yeah. So we're going to be reviewing this. To our review, I'm going to be reviewing the new Masters of the Universe minifigures. Yes, an actual new toy line I'm going to be reviewing. We're also going to go over news in the flash briefly. We've got a few things there. And I'll be bringing you volume two of spawn rating recommendations later this week. We're going to start doing the reading recommendations like I did volume one last week. Which was really cool. It was kind of a new format for us. If you liked it, actually go in and say you liked it, comment, hit that subscribe button and it'll keep the show going a little longer. Whether you like it or not, other people do it. So do it! And actually, since I started re-tagging all our videos, we've been getting a lot more views lately.   Yeah, YouTube has done something wonky. So just go in and it might not just be our show, it might be other shows you should subscribe to. So go back and subscribe to those, re-subscribe to those too. So I got to go back and do the same. Like I said, our videos are starting to get a lot more views now that I've re-tagged them. And when it says a lot more, like two more people. No, actually, we were only getting like one to three views on our videos. Now it's like up to 1920s, stuff like that. So it's growing. Yeah, slowly. Slowly. We're still in our first year of the show, so. Now where then are we standing here? No, this is our first year. We've been doing it since March. In a bit of March? Yes. You sure about that? Yeah. Because remember I did the small business interview on Deaking Out Comments back in January.  I don't know.  F something? F bomb. F bomb. I'm a factory who wants to go eat food. Well, we'll plan it now that my season is finally over with. Thank God. Yeah, because now you're important in our season. We can get stuff scheduled and do a lot more videos and whatnot. But stay tuned guys. Tune in. We'll be posting these videos throughout the week. We should have a new video every day. It should. It's that lazy guy. I'm not the one sitting on rooftops going, I'm working. I was working on cleaning gutters. You're sitting on rooftop taking selfies. After I finish cleaning the gutters. We don't have no proof of that. Stay tuned. Yeah. Hey guys, if you like this video, make sure you hit that like button. Maybe put a comment below and hit that subscribe button. And be sure to head on over to our Facebook page. Links are in the description below. Oh yeah. Maybe we have you in our little sissy girly show. We have female Shannon with boobies. That can distract people from like going, oh, he got boobies. We didn't need to hear him speak. All we need to do is having to jump index and watch the boobies bounce. Where did you get that from?  I saw you guys drunk last night. I got bossed and I did not know the Facebook live was even on.  I was really in between buzzed and drunk.  Hey, here we go. Little number before I can't speak. I said action David. Hit the subscribe button. I'm going to use that in the outtakes. Ready? No, you're still laughing.


Hey there Chameleons, it's Chamele, and today I'm updating you on the new dye I used, showing you how I quickly refresh the color between dye jobs and the dye safe products I used to keep it vibrant. Aka, this is a video on how to keep your hair lit when you worked hard to make it fire. This is my hair about three weeks after dyeing it using the Permanent Flour Me Dyes by Clarell Professional and upkeeping it with the products I'm showing you today. The original dye video is linked in the description box down below in case you need to get caught up. In between major dye jobs I like to touch up my color and I know you guys remember the hair dye shirt. Y'all are always commenting when I don't wear it which is so cute, so I finally found it and brought it back. Since the dye in my hair right now is permanent, I'm going to use a safe semi-permanent dye from the Clarell Professional Jazzyn Collection for a touch up since it has no ammonia. They have a bunch of vivid shades that are easy to use so I'm starting with Fuchsia Plum to go over my ends and using it straight out the bottle. It's perfect for the color I have now and being able to just squeeze it on saves your girl so much time. I make sure to saturate the hair so it comes out even once you rinse it out. The Jazzyn Collection is also salon quality so it's very exciting because you can find it at any salleys or at a local beauty supply store. I spread this all over the ends and overlap where some of the purple is so I can easily fade that later. I like to take the gloves off by pulling them inside out so there's no mess except for that one glob I got on my arm but you'll see that later. Next I'm using some Jet Grape from the same line to go over the purple parts of my hair. As you can see it's a bit more blue than my hair which is an easy fix. All you have to do is itch your nose before it's too late and then add some Fuchsia Plum to the mix for the perfect purple. I'm applying this all over my roots and purple area and slowly fading into the middle section to blend it with the Fuchsia Plum for a nice gradient. Since this is just a touch up you only need to leave it in for 5 to 10 minutes before rinsing it out. I was using someone else's shower so it's a good thing it didn't stain their tub. But anyways I rinsed it out in cold water until the water ran clear. After rinsing I lock in the color and moisturize with the Eye Thrive Color Vibrancy Conditioner. My hair drinks conditioner for a living so I get it in nice and saturated and give myself a scalp massage while I'm at it. Now I'm going to rinse some of that out and then get to detangling with my hairbrush. This color vibrancy treatment locks in your color and helps keep bleached hair healthy and you know I've been there so many times so I spread this just everywhere making sure the bleached areas get a lot of love. This is my favorite hair drying shirt that is more gentle than a towel and hello it's a Ramones t-shirt so you know. Lastly for smoothing and preventing frizz I use the Eye Thrive Keratin Rescue Split and Repair which also helps with hair structure since it has protein in it. So I spread that everywhere and it's pretty much like a protein shake for your hair so it's perfect for any of you guys trying to get swole. I always finger comb at the end and scrunch up my hair to maximize curly potential. And there you go it's easy to keep your hair vibrant if you do 5 minute touch ups in your special hair dyeing shirt and use the right products for maintenance. I hope you all enjoyed this video and special thanks to Clare All Professional for making it possible. By the way I fell into a waterfall right after taking these clips so follow my twitter if you want to look at the bruises. Don't forget to subscribe if you liked this video. Thank you chameleons so much for watching. I wish you all a happy healthy life and I will see you in the next video. Kisses. Mwah.


Hi everyone, Joe for Jaspy's casebreaks.com coming at you with another filler pack to help fill up that basketball mixer We're still a little ways away, but let's keep chipping away at it Maybe we'll get to one or multiple mixers tonight. Maybe the basketball one could go first This is a pack number three six four three six five is in the store right now remember we're just doing the break itself and then at the end we'll Rerandomize everybody's names with a new dice roll new list and then the top four names gets into our logo man basketball mixer We're giving away a Kobe Bryant and the logo Jerry West dual autograph graded to big. Thanks. These folks for getting into it appreciate it All teams are in so as always we're gonna do the break itself first Good luck ten times for the break itself four and a six ten times for names and teams one two three and 10th and final time after ten we got Kyle down to Kim four and a six ten times for the teams one and 10th and final time after ten we got the okc Thunder down to the champs the Lakers All right, so there's the first half of the list right here All right, Kyle with the Grizzlies right there could be some surprises in this little pack Helicans for Kyle right there as well All right, so no trade windows in these little filler breaks, so let's just print and And we'll re-randomize that list in a little bit The whole point of this break is those mixer giveaway spots. All right, there's LeBron James right there and a John Morant Nice and a Kobe white more LeBron James Kam Reddish that looks numbered. No, it's not an interest abroad and a Zion Wow Cameron Johnson back there too look at that So you got recon Zion Going to the Palakins Kyle of both that might cover cover some spots, right? I don't know it depends on what the what the parallel or what the brand is, but You know anything Zion of course LeBron James is pretty nice For the Lakers that'll be for Kim Kobe white pretty nice for the bull That's another one for Kyle and there's another top tier rookie John Morant in that playbook design and That will be for that's for Kyle as well nice There's another LeBron James There you go. Let's see what the Lakers do in the Very short off-season see if they can retool make me make another run At a chip we'll see for my Lakers go Lakers Gabe with the Hawks out of Ben and the Wizards to put them all in This list right here. Let's roll it. Let's randomize it six into two eight times So it's going to be top four after eight will be in the mixer One good luck to an eighth and final time. So from five down to 30 guess what? Sad times, but there is another chance at it if you want to take another chance another pack available on jaskieskates.com Congrats the top four Sean Maddock, Ben Marlow, Kim Yang and Aaron. There you go Congrats to the four of you. You're in the mixer will put a Whatever this number it will put chronic three six four next to your name So you know that that's where you won those spots. Congrats again. Thanks everyone Joe for jaskieskates.com. We'll see you next time


horized readings Okay, were investigated From the very beginning Right So the claim of the The claim of the Orientalists That The Qari had free range He had an unvalued text, undotted text If we can just make up readings at will It doesn't make sense according to the evidence Because someone like Ibn Ushanbud Or Ibn Miksam was actually prosecuted For doing that That you were not allowed to use your isjihad When vowing and dotting the text You had to stick to handed down tradition There has to be a senate You cannot bypass Oral tradition Okay So just to finish up here I want to provide further evidence That the claim of the Orientalists is simply wrong So let me restate the claim of the Orientalists Here is the claim The big claim Decorah in these regional areas Were absolutely free to vowel and dot the text However they wanted without restriction Okay, as long as the context Meaning and grammar was sound And that this is why different Reading traditions came into existence So let me show you why this is false So asim al-Qisa'i Yaqub Khalaf Read al-Fatiha as Malik yawm ad-deen The other six said Malik yawm ad-deen Like mafia So it's a 60-40 split So here the Orientalist says You see the rasam allows for both So some Qorachos Malik And some Qorachos Malik They were free to make that choice And yes, this is true They were free to make this choice But here is the problem In surah 3 verse 26 Qulillahumma malik al-mulki Tu'iti al-mulki mantasha'a Malik al-mulki All ten Qorah Said Malik al-mulki It's unanimous Why? Why didn't the six Qorah who read Malik yawm ad-deen in al-Fatiha Recite this as Malik al-mulki It makes total sense According to the meaning It's contextually valid and it's in correct Arabic Why didn't anyone choose this reading? So it seems to me that They did not have that choice They were not authorized to read this word In this verse as Malik They did not have this recitational Latitude in this verse Why? What makes sense It makes perfect sense That the region of Qorah were constrained By the living oral transmission Of the Quran The handed down recitational tradition Of the Quran Another example Malik al-mulki Have you ever heard anyone say Malik al-mulki? Why not? If you were free to say Malik or Malik Like we do in Fatiha Why didn't anyone do it here? Why? It's never happened There's no recitational latitude in this verse Why? Because readers were constrained By the Sunnah of Qorah Here's another example here on the slide The underlined Chapter 6 verse 83 What's underlined is So again The Uthmanic codices were dotless No dots Yet all ten Qorah read these two verbs As first person common Here's the question though If variant readings of the Uthmanic textual tradition Originated with the regional Qorah Were vowing and dotting These regional codices at will According to their ijtihad Why didn't anyone read this With the verbs in the third person This makes total sense According to the context of the verse Yet no one read it like this Why? Because they're not authorized to do that They were constrained by the Sunnah of Qorah So here's the point If reciters were free to dot and vowel Of the Uthmanic codices As they deemed appropriate Then there would have been tens of thousands Of variant readings throughout the Qorah Tens of thousands and there really isn't In reality reciters were extremely limited As to how to dot and vowel the rasam Because they were constrained by The Sunnah of Qorah This is the most convincing explanation Here's another question And this is probably the last slide Almost, second to last slide How many variants exist In the canonical Uthmani reading traditions In other words, how many total words In the Qorah are affected by the ahruf By words I mean Nouns, verbs and particles So not counting dialectical variations Because those don't change the meanings The answer is not very many Just a fraction, according to ibn Mujahid It's about 700 words Which is less than 1% of the Qorah A western scholar He says that number is too low He puts it at 2,000, which is 2.5% Of the Qorah, which is still very minimal If reciters were free To dot and vowel the rasam Of the Uthmani codices However they wanted, according to context There would have been tens of thousands Of words affected Tens of thousands But we have about 700 This means that they were Very much constricted As to what they were allowed to read What makes sense as to what was constricting them Is that handed down tradition A sunnah of Qorah I'll just give you one more example I think this is a good one This will drive the point home A da'i in the UK Use this example It strongly demonstrates our contention That Qorah is sunnah So the first verse of Yasin The first verse is Yasin So look at the word Yasin See how it looks in Arabic Now The Ya with the two dots Underneath connected to the letter Sin Now remove the dots Imagine What's known as the Haikal al-Kalima Just the rasam Without the dots The continental word, the void of dots This is what the Uthmani codices look like Yet everyone Without exception Recited this as Yasin They could have recited it as what Nunsin Tassin Thassin Nunchin Tashin Bashin and Yasin Yet all recited Yasin They had nine other choices Yet all Qorah And the Rawis Said Yasin Why? What are the chances of that? If they were free to vowel it What are the chances of that? They were constrained by the Sunnah of Quraa Okay The last slide And then we're done inshallah Okay, just wanted to mention this really quickly So Yuti mentions in the Itqan What he learned from Imam al-Jazari That there are several grades of authenticity With respect to reported Quranic recitations So I wanted to keep this simple So broadly speaking, there are four main grades Of recitation So if any particular reading Fails to meet even one of those three conditions Mentioned earlier Strong chain agreement with one With mani codex and sound Arabic And it's not considered an authorized Reading and it cannot be recited in prayer So let me Let's look at the first example here Mutawater means mass transmitted Okay So Yuti says most readings are of this type By consensus By consensus These are the ten canonical reading traditions As transmitted by their two main Rawis So for Nafiat For example, it's Qalnoon and Warsh For Asim, it's Shubah and Hafs These were reported by groups And groups of Muslim reciters with strong And verified chains of transmission Then you have Ahad readings These are readings that have strong chains But too few reciters So they don't have sufficient number of Authorities, for example In the Mustadrak Imam al-Hakim said that on the authority Thus, the Prophet s.a.w. would recite Surah 9 verse 128 As Okay, there is coming to you a messenger From the most noble among you In addition to the standard There is coming to you a messenger From among yourselves The Arabic is correct both ways The meaning is sound both ways And both agree with the Uthman-e-Rasim One of the canonical reading traditions Read this as An-Fasikum But you may not recite it in prayer Why? It was just not popular Could this have been revealed To the Prophet as a harf? Of course, it could have been But since this harf did not Gain prevalence, this reading Only has the strength of a sound hadith So it's not strong enough To be an authorized tira'ah Of the Quran Because even a sound hadith Is considered absolutely definitive There is still a chance of error It's not a delil khata'i For the Quran, we cannot take that chance You understand the difference between Mutawater and Ahad Mutawater means That absolutely sound Agreed upon, mass transmitted Can be recited in prayer Definitely the Quran Ahad is there's a chance of Doubt, it's a Dhunni It could have been revealed as Quran As a strength of a hadith Still has a sound chain Then there's shahd Shahd means isolated, unsound or anomalous So a shahd reading may be in correct Arabic It may even have a sound meaning And it might even agree With the Uthmani Codex But the istnaad is unsound Or somehow defective For example, instead of saying Someone says Someone says So instead of saying He says only you are worshiped He makes the verb into the passive voice And makes it third person Right So a reading like this Has no transmissional basis So if a reciter were to recite like this The authorities would ask him Where did you learn this And he says from so and so The authorities would go to so and so and ask him Where did you learn this And he would say I just heard it somewhere I vowed it myself Like this Or I don't know where I heard it from So authorities were very rigorous About particular readings About What reciters were reciting in public And then finally Of moldu are fabricated These are readings that are deemed fabricated by authorities So these readings have multiple problems So in addition to an unsound Or non-existent istnaad There are other issues such as Disagreement with the Uthmani Grammatical errors, unacceptable meanings For example Once heard a man recite A verse in the Quran Chapter 9 verse 3 Which says And he read it as Which gives it a Unexceptible meaning Right, so when you hear that You know Arabic you think There's no way that Allah SWT said that Right And who taught you your Qira'ah And he said I vowed it myself I said you can't recite prayer You have to learn how to recite So what's a lot of readings are without question Quran And maybe recited in prayer Ahad readings May have been revealed as Quran They may have been revealed as Ahrof But they're outside the Uthmani Textual tradition So these were Ahrof that were either abrogated or abandoned So they may not be recited In prayer, but have the strength of a hadith It is possible, but very unlikely That Shad readings May also have been revealed as But they were abandoned or abrogated These readings really don't have any type Of authority other than Perhaps a minor exegetical function And then Maudua readings are definitely Not Quranic and have no authority Whatsoever Alright, well I think I'll end it here, inshallah It's a little past one No, that was a mouthful Hopefully You can go back and watch it back on tape And take some notes Slow things down And do some research And free to ask me questions Insha'Allah through email Yes, sir Well, he was reciting So Asim would recite in public And Hafs and Shorba would take what they heard from him And And he would recite in different ways Because you have that sort of That latitude amongst the Ahruf to do that But generally The two Rawis are very, very similar Like there's some differences between Hafs and Shorba Very rare, will there be a difference But that difference will come from Asim While there are only two, it's a simplify Things, right? These are the two top Rawis The two top students of the Apotomous Qur'an And there were a lot of things To sort of make things more manageable To limit the number of Qura'a Although there were other Qura'a that were I mean, Imam Atabari Documented some 25 Qura'at during his time And they were all sound Right? Yeah, you'd have to go to A Muslim bookstore somewhere in the Middle East Or order something online I guess I forgot about the internet Yeah, you can They do, and this is what Christians do They go to, what's that place called? Hyde Park in England And they bring like 10 Qura'an Mus'haf They bring like a, you know They bring like a wash And they bring like a Hafs, they say look There's different versions of the Qura'an And then a lot of Muslims there They don't even know about the Ahlul They don't even know about Qura'at Yeah, so they're like You made this This is the Qura'an you invented This is the Qura'an This is a different version of the Qura'an You don't even know about this The Qura'an is different And so that's how they present it And the Muslims suddenly they have this sort of Faith crisis I think I was always taught by You know The Khateem that And my dad and my uncle that The Qura'an is every dot, every letter Everything is exactly the same It's just not true But like I said 15 of them 16 of them are really just not recited anymore They just kind of fell out of use Hafs and Ahlul Probably because of the Ottoman Empire I'm guessing Maybe they Preferred Hafs and Ahlul So it just sort of blew up All over the world So the dominant opinion from the Ulama Is that the ordering of the Suras Was by the Prophet That's the dominant opinion Right from Fatiha to Nas He ordered it There's a minority opinion that The ordering was done by The committee of Uthman And it's basically the longest the shortest Although there's some exceptions to that Generally books in antiquity That's how they were ordered If you look at for example New Testament It's basically the longest the shortest The Kalamud is basically the longest the shortest But Allah Alham With the companion courtesies It's basically again longest the shortest Although there's some differences Like Ibn Mas'ud and They have Somewhere in the beginning Not necessarily in the exact order Of the Uthmani codec But it's basically longest the shortest But the dominant opinion is Every year would review The Quran with Jibril And that was not just The actual content Of each Surah But the actual order of all Of the Surahs That's the dominant opinion And there's a great book by His last name is Meir It's called Coherence in the Quran By Meir, it's an excellent book It's very short, it's on the methodology Of Al-Islahi Who was a great scholar Of the Natham of the Quran The sort of coherence of the Quran And he makes a very strong argument That the order Of the Surahs in the Uthmani codecs Has this miraculous Sort of aspect to it That He has this concept of like a Surah pair That Surahs are next to each other They complement each other in a really interesting way That he explains in that book Yeah, probably His last name is Meir His last name is Meir Coherence in the Quran It's basically on the So there was a scholar Named Islahi Who was a South Asian scholar A few generations ago Who Specializes in the Natham Which is sort of like the Structure of the Quranic discourse Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, it's a good question So Some mentioned that That The first sort of Printed Quran ever Was the Cairo edition of 1924 And they happened to print Hafsanasim Right So that's why it became popular Because it was the first printed edition ever So they were able to mass produce it So that seems to be the answer I mean, I speculated The Ottomans, I don't know if that's true or not But this seems to be The more sort of historical response Is that the first printed Quran ever Were Hafsanasim In the Shia, they also recite Hafsanasim You know, so it's totally Agreed upon. Some of the Shia don't believe In the Ahrof But they'll say that Hafsanasim Is accurate because Saydina Ali Is in the chain Any of those 10 Is correct Any of them They can't change it because The text is stabilized It's known by tradition Yeah, it's not going to work It's just impossible to do that Yeah Yeah, I mean They can't change They can't change the actual Rasim of the Quran It's impossible They could mess with the meanings of it But even there, our belief is that The meanings are preserved as well So there's always going to be You know, a A Jama'a, and that's why we're Ahlus Sunnah And the Jama'a The protection of Allah is With the majority Don't go after these fringe elements Because every heretical group in Islamic history Used the same Quran To justify their positions All of the groups They used the Quran They take certain verses out of Context in the Quran That's how they abuse the Quran But changing the text is not going to happen Impossible Yeah Thank you so much Thank you for your patience I know you're sitting on the floor for A good three hours I don't think I can feel my legs Yeah, please let me know These are things that you emailed me Yes, sir Oh yeah So this one This one was a bit technical Because we're establishing Sexual credibility and things like that But the next one We're actually going to look at the content Of the Quran How is the Quran inimitable How is it Impossible to imitate What does that even mean when we say that What does that mean How do we substantiate that claim So we substantiate the claim the Quran has been preserved But how do we substantiate the Quran As being a literary Masterpiece And then certain Stories Mentioned in the Quran What is the Quran doing to the Bible The biblical stories Is it confirming, is it correcting, is it doing both And how is it doing it What does it have to do with actual Secular history As far as What secular historians Are saying about these stories of the past How does the Quran engage With those stories, like intertextuality Is a very important concept The language of the Quran Like why were certain verses revealed to the Quran So actually looking at the text Now that we've established the text What does it actually say That's just as important If not more important Thank you


e I thought well I'm talking about the the overtime that I said when you're doing it in front of an audience it's dangerous you did Letterman a lot you were a regular on Letterman you did panel the audience changes your material there's an audience you're going to do what gave you the courage because the first time I began working with Alex Brasile let's watch some kindler we would watch you on Letterman I'd say I want to be a comedian when I watch Andy kindler you make me want to be a comedian and not all your jokes work what gives you the courage to defy the mob well absolutely it takes the only way it happened was by doing the show more than once because the first time I was on Letterman I really felt like I bombed because I couldn't be myself so it really took in fact I wouldn't say till 2005 when I had one breakthrough set I'm kind of not being truthful I had breakouts but I think it's a very I mean you would have worried that the six minute format is not an easy format for me it is because I do jokes oh you do like I'm actually walking to the mailbox so I'm sorry you guys are going to have to hear me outside could you hear me? yes oh wait hang on do the hack bit for you young kids hello? for you young kids yeah what? right the Beatles were a band that Paul McCartney played in Before Wings you get what I'm saying? what did you say again are you young kids what? okay you're walking the mailbox for you young kids a mailbox is this thing that we used to right think about email think about email think about email as if it was a physical thing so anyway you know what I didn't have my headphones turned up and I was here and you were still too loud but the thing is that after a while I really clearly wrote every single set for him honestly because it didn't really matter after a while it didn't matter if the crowd didn't get stuff and I'm not even saying that it was to be better if they did get stuff if they didn't get stuff but I absolutely wrote things that I thought would make him laugh or would make Paul laugh and were you okay so this is fascinating to me because and I don't know if this still happens I don't you know but when you were doing these shows there were there were four audiences there was Dave, there was Paul there was the studio audience and then there was the home audience and how do you play to all four right well the only and I felt this way my entire life if I am having a good time it really doesn't matter to me how many people get it now that being said sometimes you can't create that in other words I can say to myself I'm going to have a good time if only two people get it but it doesn't even work on that level but generally on Letterman it really did work that just making myself happy and trying to get Dave to laugh made the experience so much fun for me also I think as he got more comfortable in that theater I don't know how you feel but I feel like as time went along it really the crowds I felt were so much better they were like the old crowds because when he went to first CBS at the beginning I felt those crowds were so pumped up a lot it didn't feel like Dave's show sometimes right I don't like anyway we'll move on we should wrap it up because I'm being pigish with you will you come back I will but let me ask you a question though do you don't object to Mars anti-Muslim stuff or is this a whole thing that we should get into I'll discuss it if you have time maybe we'll pick it up next time yes I do object to his anti-Muslim stuff oh okay and I wish he wouldn't identify as Jewish when he says it I think it's reckless because he isn't Jewish and it's not how we were raised it's not and it's dangerous and I think it's a prosaic argument it's just been around it's a debate religion it's just incendiary for the sake of being incendiary it's turning up the heat to make a buck the fact is and this is cliche it's just I can't believe that I'm 30 years old and I'm having to say something that I said when I was in high school for you kids listening high school is some a place that that you can go cherry pick Leviticus the the Old Testament and find enough evidence to say that Judaism is a religion of hate you can go read the book of John revelations and say Christianity is a book of hate and I find this it's so infantile an argument right? it's like you're five years old and you finally realize that God is not a man who lives in the clouds and you're running around for the rest of your life he thinks he's a genius that he's discovered this is the line like I don't sacrifice my first son because it says bring your first son to be sacrificed but so I think we're on the same page so I just want to say please stop sending me you keep sending me you're rewriting the Muslim ban every day and you keep sending me you say I insist and this is constitutionally sad back off of it already David you know is Andy we've stopped recording by the way so this is between nobody's listening this is between you and me you know as well as I do that there are neighborhoods in Los Angeles and New York that you cannot walk through without being subjected to Sharia law you know that we've stopped tape where this is this is just okay okay you know what and since we've stopped tape let's be honest and say we like Piers Morgan we don't agree with everything he says he's not perfect but he brings a point of view that we appreciate we have to hear all sides I always say why why do we have to hear all sides have we stopped tape do you also have masturbate to memories of Ava Braun yes oh my god yes in the in the onesie bathing suit right have the perfect area in body yes I don't want to push it but Hitler's dog does that get you going a little bit Blondie are you kidding I love Blondie by the way why was Hitler's dog called Blondie it was a German Shepherd it wasn't Blond I don't even know that's true but you made that up no his Hitler had a German Shepherd named Blondie what's up with that okay that we stopped tape right we stopped tape yeah of course now this concept of incest is this something is this a love is this a love is this something that can if I have a cousin who we're very friendly and we embrace we stopped tape we stopped tape we stopped tape how do you know if a man is dead how do you know if he's really dead if I shoot a man and it's not my gun and he aggravates me am I libel on some level yes I agree that's a great question that you can find we've stopped tape right I'm hoping we have because I would not be speaking this way yes if I thought that we were continuing to record the proceedings right we've stopped tape you know as well as I do that if you go look up if you read the Talmud there are instructions and how to poison the wells of Christians and we've stopped tape right yeah we've stopped tape right have you noticed that the recipes for poise it's really hard to get tiger eye drops these days it was when the Talmud was written it was written in Babylonia they had access to tiger eye drops but you would think we've stopped tape now let me ask you a question we have stopped tape absolutely yes the fact that I smoke heroin that's better right markedly better well we've stopped tape we've stopped tape you know as well as I do that you could start shooting heroin and sharing needles that the only way we've stopped tape by the way to contract HIV we have is the only way to contract HIV is by having unnatural sex with another we've stopped tape so it's ok now we've stopped tape right let me ask you a question my wife complains because I can't get a full erection and I say me hitting my half flaccid penis against her thigh counts as sex you tell me if it's good we've stopped tape we've stopped tape my mother says the same thing when I'm having she said that to me that we've stopped tape because your mother last night after we had sex we've stopped tape right she starts complaining to me she starts telling me her problems I don't go home to fuck your mother about her problems and yeti we've stopped tape right we've stopped tape have you tried turning my mother over so her face is into a pillow I'm so nervous I swear to god all I'm nervous now is that you're going to play that goddamn flaccid penis that you cannot play that flaccid penis that cannot be oh no we're not taping this oh good ok because I want to say am I wrong that I tie a splint to my flaccid penis well I don't know why it seems so funny to me to do more dick jokes on the premise that we're not hey we've stopped tape right because my penis is one inch from the floor hey hey David if we stop tape because I don't know if I ever told you that my penis has a tattoo on it so basically what we're saying is that Bill Maher has an obligation to his audience to deliver sophisticated eyebrow analysis of the news of the news of the news of the news of the news of the news of the news of the analysis of the news and to do comedy that that elevates right we've stopped tape hey Andy kindler you're the best I'm not going to say you're the best because everybody says that I am going to thank you for coming on my show once again this was an absolute gift Angela Cobb is here she's been sitting here patiently I'm going to introduce you Angela is one of the funniest young comics coming up in New York and is there a question you have for Andy because I've hogged all the time after all this I have too many questions to ask have you guys done the did you stop tape thing before it's cute it reminded me of like a voidville thing I don't have if I had known you were there I would have not been so graphic stop tape because I have an infection I would not have mentioned for example that I have had an infection since I was in the Navy I didn't know you were assuming I would have let you go I hope I get to meet you one day Angela and I love you guys so much I love you thank you this was a major gift thank you Andy kindler go to iTunes and purchase his 1996 just for laughs state of the industry speech on iTunes I promise you you will laugh and it will be really interesting because it was 21 years ago and he is fearless who he goes after hey so Micah Fox canceled right Alex and is Lori Kilmartin going to call in from the airport she's not calling in is John Ross on the line is he did he respond did you do you have his number or how long this show we probably Angela how you holding up I'm good what did you think of Andy kindler he's awesome he's the best that was a hard booking it's not easy to get Andy kindler let's go all right we got John Ross on the line John David yes sir let me introduce you first let me introduce you okay good comedian I just found out that Dana Gould said Mark Marin that his biggest influence as a stand up was John Ross and we had Dana on our Friday show John Ross I heard that we started in comedy together in San Francisco you want to correct some information first of all I want to say I'm very nervous to be on your show the David Feldman podcast is like doing Carson in 78 my life is going to change the phone is going to start ringing like everything is going to happen for me after this I just want to be prepared welcome to the big time so you were telling that story about the competition in 1984 now my memory of it is slightly different it was at the punch line the first night was always at the punch line I know in San Francisco you're right and I was not in it that year I had just come down to watch the first night with a bunch of other guys I think Warren Thomas was there and we were hanging out in that back room and you were pacing around and you were going I needed an opening line we were just absurd coming up with your opening line moments before you're going to do this thing you have months to prepare for this idiotic competition I was walking around going you tell me was it 84 or 5 I think it was 84 that sounds about right I had done the competition I think a year before and completely crapped out and I like what's his name Clint Eastwood in Magnum Force a man has got to know his limitations so I what do you see Kravitz in that movie can he play a hoodlum right I remember that like he got a small part in that movie and then it was like for a little bit his shit didn't stink and he was going to take off and be a movie star and the same thing with wasn't it Billy J didn't he do some small part in like a Dustin Hoffman movie or something Billy Baskin and you remember that all these scenes and he was walking around talking about and he was just ready his career was going to take off and then you see the movie and he's like completely cut out of it like he walks through one scene doesn't say anything Billy J actually he's part of this story if I remember correctly I don't anyway so I need an opening line and so Steve Perl says Steve Perl is not trying to help you Steve Perl is just like Steve Perl always that he's just trying to be funny and so he's like he's going to come up with what is the worst possible opening line and so he says why don't you go up and say does it all music suck and it was like a bullseye like he said the one thing that virtually no human being on the planet could agree with the absolute worst opening line possible and so the rest of us were like hilarious we were like cracked up and we were like oh god so funny and your eyes lit up when everybody started laughing and you look at me and go whoa that's funny it's not a funny joke it's funny as the worst opening line in history and so you were like oh I'll do that and you said you were going to do it and I don't think any of us I certainly didn't believe you were going to do it I thought you were putting us on like saying oh yeah I'll do that and then you walk on stage and you go does it all music suck and the people scared you like oh this is going to be funny what's this a setup but then there was nothing else and they just sat there and they were like looking at you and you were looking at them and that was it and it was like somebody had splashed water in your face and you woke up from a dream what it was the funniest like and then me and Warren Thomas they were in the back of the room like laughing hysterically and then like you could see like the moisture in your body and your mouth like they evaporated and you were just like dry like you were like rough cramping like you did how many, how many, how many how many, how many, how many it was hilarious it was so funny but it was just the idea that you heard us laughing and thinking oh that's funny everyone's laughing I'll do that oh my god that was so fantastic well you forgot the tag to oh and then you said well it does it was by that point like you know you were at the bottom of the ocean it didn't matter there was nothing and what what was the accidental by-product of that evening go fast forward a month after I came in 40th at a 40 in the competition you mentioned Billy J and Steve Kravitz what happened after that I know what you had said to me you were drunk oh well is that when I told you to put on the clown suit you said to me and you weren't being mean you were kind of joking about how bad that set was and you were making fun of my complete and utter lack of charisma and you said your act is so unlikeable your demeanor your button down shirt and your horn rim glasses and your hair plugs and your a-feet east coast intellectual snobbery there is nothing you can do to make an audience like you you are okay go ahead let me finish hang on you said hang on this is how I remember it that's important you are a New York Jew in the age of Reagan there is nothing you can do if you put on a clown suit they would still hate you wow what's interesting is that's what you heard in your head what I said was hey you know what would be funny if you put on a clown suit you heard all the other stuff that was inspired in your head that I was saying you are so unlikeable you hear that even when not being said but maybe with body language I was saying that but what I said was the funny because you it was like a lecture when you go Ronald Reagan Raymond Raymond Donovan Nancy Reagan she's about as much fun as a sneeze in the middle of a pit and just the idea of this surely clown spouting political jokes seemed hilarious to me and I thought you know what why not I might have said you are not going anywhere I may have said something like that zero charisma zero I don't know look I may have been drunk that's true okay so Billy J we we went to a bar where they served ungepe remember ungepe oh my god yeah and it was Steve Kravitz and you this is how I remember it and I think Billy J who I love and nobody gave me a new one like Billy J when Billy was on one he said to me kind of like what you said there's nothing like about and so it was your idea that I should wear a clown suit and I was opening for Billy J then we have to wrap it up Alex I know because we're out of time I was opening for Billy J and Steve Kravitz at Foo Bars and everybody said they would love me if I wore a clown suit that's why I did that joke because I wanted you guys to like me so I realized oh well then they'll like if I put on a clown suit then they'll like me so Steve Kravitz and Billy J I should probably call Kravitz we went to a costume shop and we picked out my clown suit I had a bald fright wig it was a bozo I dressed like bozo the clown and Billy J was the headliner and I went up as Feldo the clown at Foo Bars how did it go over? the first this is the God's honest truth Tom Sawyer gave me a bit he said go up there with Jack Daniels shave here's a shot glass because Tom was booking Foo Bars at the time and he gave me this bit it was real Jack Daniels hey boys and girls Feldo the clown is going to do a trick watch me make the shot of Jack Daniels disappear and I would pour the Jack Daniels and do a shot of it that's magic and that killed and then I kind of lowered and it killed the first time the first time I did it it killed and it spread throughout the comedy community and and Fox who ran the comedy competition she had felt bad about how I had done in the comedy competition she started writing about it in the just for laughs magazine it's I mean it just spread across the comedy community in Boston New York it just spread it was a good idea there's a guy a Jew who's doing political humor in a clown suit and that was the last time it was funny I swear to God I was always you know I know that watch this drink disappear is a funny thing I thought you should never mention it like you should never even allude to the fact that you're in a clown suit and just do the political material but you're in a clown suit and that's what I did that's what I did I wore the clown suit for about two and a half years doing political humor and I bombed every night it never worked it never but everybody loved the idea and so I was getting booked my calendar filled up and it was a nightmare because I got what I wanted but it wasn't I knew and there was nothing I could and I was getting money to play adult birthday part I would go into people's homes and yes and I would get booked hey there's a guy wears a clown suit and so I was doing like private parties and I was making some coin and it was a disaster it was like getting it was like being cast in a in Charles and Charge as playing a flamboyant gay guy on Charles and Charge and being stuck and knowing you're getting paid and finally I just had to take it off you know what I think I think I think is a timing thing I think the time is right now you really think so? I think you should put the clown suit back on now really? will people like me? absolutely so I can hang out absolutely seriously you have the suit though I have the suit when I come into the club I can sit with you guys if I wear the clown suit I think you're good with Smithsonian I have to wrap it up we have two things one of the one of the it was very warren thomas I can't even bring up warren right now because once but that will be a whole that's a whole other show he used to do it before the election it's hard to just spend time talking about something that's just fun and frivolous like that warren and I warren and I were playing a club and I drank I used to drink and when I wore the clown suit I drank whatever you put in front of me I had to leave and I was waiting to go on and I was fighting with my little friend in the clown suit with a shot of jack daniels in my hand and we're just going and she walks away and I take a shot of jack daniels and I turn to warren and I go I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with her and he just busts out laughing and I go what I'm time avid and he cannot stop laughing and I go what are you laughing at he said you're in a clown suit I go oh yeah I completely I mean there were times when I would drive to gigs in the the comics would pick me up and I'd be alright John Ross I love you we're out of time thank you for correcting that and I did forget until you called two things one is it was your idea for me to wear the clown suit I forgot I forgot that that is true it was your idea and I forgot that Dana Gould had told Mark Maron that you were his biggest influence I think he might have said one of I don't think I ever heard the show but people told me I don't he might have said I was one of his influences something like that I don't know and I mentioned very briefly to Dana one of my many nervous breakdowns from doing stand-up comedy and I literally had if you had videotaped it you would say this is a clinical nervous breakdown this guy is rolling around and I know and Dana has joked and said oh you know but you have had your share of what are as a comedian I won't say nervous breakdowns but you have had your share of stupid stupid stupid and I wonder if those still exist they probably do I hope not I hope that the millennials in me or in young comics in young comics I don't think the stakes are as high because it's been so diffused like there were in the 80's and 90's there were make or break moments right? yeah I suppose but you're still dealing with that thing of putting yourself out there going on stage in front of people trying to say this is my you know life my career what I want to try to do and especially like we so had burned every bridge behind us there was no going back you know you're standing out there and when you fucked it up it was like oh what do I do now like I don't have any other options you know but there were like you said you jokingly said I'm gonna end the segment the same way we started you said doing the David Feldman shows like doing Carson in 1978 if you did Carson in 1978 it was make or break everything was riding on it the whole world was watching and there were not just Carson but there were things along the way little stepping stones that were make or break moments and if you broke you went back five steps there was a lot of pressure on you that's I don't think we have those anymore but maybe I'm very possibly not I don't know I'm not out there and I think that's good I don't think make or break moments are helpful I think we've evolved past that John Ross I love you when we have more time we'll catch up okay yeah I'll come down to the city I'm going to Germany in March so maybe after I get back okay I'm trying to wrap up and you just I know I dropped them I'm going to Germany I'm going to teach them how to write sitcoms there it's my revenge for World War II so we're teaching the Germans how to write sitcoms and they're teaching us how to have a thousand year rike yeah okay thank you buddy I love the show talk soon keep up the good work should we wrap up the show wrap up we went too long today okay Micah Fox Migraine Migraine is really code for do you ever use a migraine yes I have but I also do genuinely get them I have to have some genuineness to my bullshit artistry I would never use something that I've never actually gotten before but I do get migraines let's plug some stuff here before we wrap it up thank you guys for listening to the show and we have a lot of new listeners yeah we do pretty great if you like today's show please copy and paste the link and send it to all your friends please spread the word about the show I think it's a pretty great show including Angela Cop so all I ask is just tell people about the show any way possible just spread the word about the show because it's great we have great guests we really do so just help us out here spread the word I know it's a broken record but whatever device you're listening to the show on copy and paste it into an email and send it to all your friends post it on facebook share it on twitter stumble upon a friend of ours has a subreddit for the life of me I don't understand what that means are you on reddit no not really reddit is complicated it seems weird but I guess you're saying it's been helpful to spread the word about the show that's what I'm saying we have great guests how can people help Angela Cop you can like follow me on twitter at angelacob follow me on instagram at angelacob comedy and you can like me on facebook yeah that would be helpful this way then you can see where I'm performing and you can come out and check out different shows I'm on you can also check out my first time show which is the show that I host and produce at QED in Astoria the third wednesday of every month at 9pm it features comics and storytellers telling virginity law stories who is a comic you've seen recently that's funny Chrissy Mayer spell the name bring her next time okay will ya you'll come back from the show brisk studios in downtown Manhattan that'll do it for us


This video was produced with support from the Government of Canada's Social Development Partnerships Program, Disability Component. The opinions and interpretations in this video are those of the creator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the Government of Canada. Welcome to a Crash Course in Nells. This series is designed to give you the tools you need to produce accessible e-books, making them even more enjoyable for all readers. My name is Danny. I'm an accessibility tester with the National Network for Equitable Library Service. I was born blind, so I usually read books audibly or in braille. My name is Caden Farris. I don't have a slight impairment, so I can read print just fine. It's just reading print and understanding print are two very different things. Images can appear pretty much anywhere in an e-book, starting with the cover and working through the content. So the cover of an e-book is always set in an image, which is perfectly fine. But right at the very beginning, we have an option to include alternative text. So images move through the narrative. They complement the text. They can be used to illustrate a point. There might be an author photo at the end of the book. They can pretty much appear throughout the book and anywhere in the text. So a screen reader has no ability to interpret or describe an image. The best a screen reader can do when you come to an image is, say, image or graphic. That's all it says. So whenever an image is included in an e-book, there's an opportunity to include a description. And if that description isn't offered, all the screen reader says is image or graphic. All it sees is the tag that references that image and the file name. So for publishers who decide not to include alternative text descriptions for their images, usually an e-reader will simply read out its file name. So that is a good try, except that most file names don't have any meaning whatsoever. So it might just say img46.jpg, which is entirely useless. And what I always stress is it's actually worse than useless because now the screen reader has offered something which is pointless, but it's also broken up the narrative. Those images will appear in between text. They might be set right in the middle of a sentence and described later on in the narrative. So not only was the alternative text not helpful, it totally broke up the flow of the main narrative. Text should never be set as an image. So it's very common for publishers to set the title page of their book as an image so that the text lays out the way they want to and they can have little icons or graphics and that really is strongly discouraged in accessible publishing. There are multiple ways of setting the text up so it looks nice in the book, but as soon as text is being laid out, ultimately that text is available to assistive technology. So if you have text, don't include it as an image. It's really important to set it up as text in the book. Screen readers do a particularly awesome job of narrating tables if they're set up properly as text, so it really is important not to include those as images. Images are completely inaccessible. So even if you have an image of a table and you go to all the effort in the world of describing that table, it's way too much information to take into the text description. It has to be set up as a table with columns and rows and proper text headings in order for a non-traditional reader to make sense of that information. So there are two classifications for pictures. Oftentimes publishers will include in their books what we call decorative images. So these might be the little curly cues at the end of chapters or little decorative swirls or stars that might appear throughout the text to break up the narrative visually so it's not just a wall of text. And those are really nice visually, but they have no bearing on the main narrative. So they're decorative. They don't need to be described. In fact, they should not be described. They should be marked as decorative. The other images that we come to are important ones. So the text might be talking about an antique clock. And then it might have a picture of a clock with a figure caption that indicates this is a clock from the 1880s. That is an important image. The text references it. The figure caption gives more information about it. And the image must appear in the text. So all that's needed is a brief image description of that clock. An image description should convey the important visual elements of an image. So in our example of the grandfather clock, we have the text that's talking about it. We have the figure caption that's giving a little more specific information about it. But that doesn't give the reader an idea of what the clock itself looks like. So things like what it's made of, how tall it is, what color it is, anything that stands out to you when you're looking at the image as interesting or cool or important can be included in that description. Start with the most important element first. This is a wooden antique clock that stands about six feet tall. And then go into any extra detail that you think might be relevant to the reader. Don't describe everything. It's not relevant to the picture necessarily that the clock is sitting on a beige rug. It may not be important that the time show is 317. We don't need to describe every element of the image. We want these image descriptions to be clear and concise. We want them to convey what's important about the image but not overwhelm the reader with useless detail. We want to try to follow the style that the book was written in. So if it's a children's book, we don't want to be using huge words. We want to try to describe the image in a way that it complements and flows with the text. We don't really want it to stand out.