While there are leaves of wine and dregs of beer, I'll never want her, coin her out of cobwebs, dust, but I'll have her, raise wool upon eggshells, sir, and make grass grow out of marrow bones, to make her come. B. Johnson Bearing Washington Hawkins and his fortune, the stagecoach tore out of slancy at a fearful gate, with horn tooting gaily and half the town admiring from doors and windows. But it did not tear any more after it got to the outskirts. It dragged along stupidly enough, then, till it came in sight of the next hamlet, and then the bugle tooted gaily again, the vehicle went tearing by the horses. This sort of conduct marked every entry to a station, and every exit from it. And so in those days children grew up with the idea that stagecoach is always tore and always tooted. But they also grew up with the idea that pirates went into action in their Sunday clothes, carrying the black flag in one hand, and pistoling people with the other, merely because they were so represented in the pictures. But these illusions vanished when later years brought their disenchanting wisdom. They learned that the stagecoach is but a poor, plodding vulgar thing in the solitudes of the highway, and that the pirate is only a seedy, unfantastic rough when he is out of the pictures. Towards evening the stagecoach came thundering into Hawkeye, with a perfectly triumphant ostentation, which was natural and proper, for Hawkeye was a pretty large town in the interior Missouri. Washington, very stiff and tired and hungry, climbed out and wondered how he was to proceed now. But his difficulty was quickly solved. Colonel Sellers came down the street on a run and arrived, panting for breath, he said. Lord bless you, I'm glad to see you, Washington. Perfectly delighted to see you, my boy. I got your message, been on the lookout for you. Heard the stage horn, but had a party I couldn't shake off. A man, that's got an enormous thing on hand, wants me to put some capital into it. And I'll tell you, my boy, I could do worse. I could do a deal worse. No, now. Let that luggage alone, I'll fix that. Here, Jerry, got anything to do? All right, shoulder this plunder and follow me. Come along, Washington. Lord, I'm glad to see you. Wife and the children are just parishing to look at you.  Folks all well, I suppose? That's good, glad to hear that. We're always going to run down and see them, but I'm into so many operations, and there's not a thing a man feels like trusting to other people, and so somehow we keep putting it off. Fortunes in them. Good gracious, it's the country to pile up wealth in. Here we are, here's where the cellar's dynasty hangs out. Hump it on the doorstep, Jerry. The blackest negro in the state. Washington, but he's got a good heart. Mighty likely boy is Jerry. And now I suppose you've got to have ten cents, Jerry. That's all right. When a man works for me, when a man—in the other pocket, I reckon—when a man, why, where's the mischief, has that portmenet? When a—well, now that's odd. Oh, now I remember. Must have left it at the bank, and by George I've left my checkbook too. Polly says I ought to have a nurse. Well, no matter. Let me have a dime, Washington, if you've got—ah, thanks. Now, clear out, Jerry. Your complexion has brought on the twilight half an hour ahead of time. Pretty fair joke. Pretty fair joke. Here he is, Polly. Washington, come, children. Come now.  Finish him in the house. Welcome, my boy, to a mansion that is proud to shelter the son of the best man that walks on the ground. Sy Hawkins has been a good friend to me, and I believe I can say that whenever I've had a chance to put him into a good thing, I've done it—and done it pretty cheerfully, too. I put him into that sugar speculation. What a grand thing that was, if we hadn't held on too long. True enough, but holding on too long and utterly ruined both of them. And the saddest part of it was that they had never had had so much money to lose before. For Sellers' sale of their mule crop that year in New Orleans had been a great financial success. If he had kept out of sugar and gone back home content to stick to mules, it would have been a happy wisdom. As it was, he managed to kill two birds with one stone. That is to say, he killed the sugar speculation by holding for high rates till he had the sell at the bottom figure, and that calamity killed the mule that laid the goat an egg, which is but a figurative expression, and will be so understood. Sellers had returned home cheerful but empty-handed, and the mule business lapsed into other hands. The sale of the Hawkins property by the sheriff had followed, and the Hawkins heart had been torn to see Uncle Dannell and his wife pass from the auction block into the hands of a Negro trader and depart for the remote south to be seen no more by the family. It had seemed like seeing their own flesh and blood sold into banishment. Washington was greatly pleased with the Sellers' mansion. It was a two-and-a-half-story brick, and much more stylish than any of its neighbors. He was born to the family's sitting-room in Triumph by the swarm of little Sellers' the parents following with their arms about each other's wastes. The whole family were poorly and cheaply dressed, and the clothing, although neat and clean, showed many evidences of having seen long service. The Colonel's stovepipe hat was napless and shiny with much polishing, but nevertheless it had an almost convincing expression about it of having been just purchased new. The rest of his clothing was napless and shiny, too, but it had the air of being entirely satisfied with itself and blandly sorry for other people's clothes. It was growing rather dark in the house, and the evening air was chilly, too. Sellers said, lay off your overcoat, Washington, and draw up to the stove, and make yourself at home. Just consider yourself under your own shingles, my boy. I'll have a fire going in a jiffy. Light the lamp, Polly dear, and let's have things cheerful, just as glad to see you, Washington, as if you'd been lost a century, and we found you again. By this time the Colonel was conveying light at match into a poor little stove. Then he propped the stove door to its place by leaning the poker against it, for the hinges had retired from business. The door framed a small square of eyes and glass, which now warmed up with a faint glow. Mrs. Sellers lit a cheap, showy lamp, which dissipated a good deal of the gloom, and then everybody gathered into the light and took the stove into close companionship. The children climbed all over Sellers, fondled him, petted him, and were lavishly petted in return. Out from this tugging, laughing, chattering, disguise of legs and arms and little faces, the Colonel's voice worked its way, and his tireless tongue ran blithely on without interruption. And the purring little wife, diligent with her knitting, sat near at hand and looked happy and proud and grateful. And she listened as one who listens to oracles and gospels, and whose grateful soul is being refreshed with the bread of life. By and by the children quieted it down to listen, clustered about their father, resting their elbows on his legs. They hung upon his words as if he were uttering the music of the spheres. A dreary old haircloth sofa against the wall, a few damaged chairs, the small table the lamp stood on, the crippled stove, these things constituted the furniture of the room. There was no carpet on the floor, and on the wall were occasional square-shaped interruptions of the general tint of the plaster, which betrayed that there used to be pictures in the house. But there were none now. There were no mantel ornaments, unless one might bring himself to regard as an ornament a clock which never came within fifteen strokes of striking the right time, and whose hands always hitched together at twenty-two minutes past anything, and traveled in company the rest of the way home. Remarkable clocks, said cellars, and got up and wound it. I have been offered. Well, I wouldn't expect you to believe what I have been offered for that clock. Old Governor Hager never sees me, but he says, come on now, Colonel, name your price. I must have that clock. But, my goodness, I'd as soon think of selling my wife. As I was saying to, silence in the court now, she's begun the strike. You can't talk against her. You just have to be patient, and hold up till she said her say. Ah, well, as I was saying, when? She's beginning again. Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty, ah, that's all. Yes, as I was saying to old Judge. Go it, old girl, don't mind me. Now, how is that? Isn't that a good, spirited tone? She can wake the dead. Sleep? Well, you might as well try to sleep in a thunder factory. Now, just listen at that. She'll strike a hundred and fifty now, without stopping. You'll see. There ain't another clock like that, in Christendom. Washington hoped that this might be true, for the din was distracting, though the family, one and all, seemed filled with joy. And the more the clock buckled down to her work, as the Colonel expressed it, and the more insupportable the platter became, the more enchanted they all appeared to be. When there was silence, Mrs. Sellers lifted upon Washington a face that beamed with a childlike pride, and said, it belonged to his grandmother. The look and tone were a plain call for admiring surprise, and therefore Washington said it was the only thing that offered itself at the moment, indeed. Yes, it did, didn't it, Father? exclaimed one of the twins. She was my great-grandmother, and George's, too, wasn't she, Father? You never saw her, but Cis has seen her. When Cis was a baby, didn't you, Cis? Cis has seen her most a hundred times. She was also death.  All the children chimed in now, with one general babble of information about the Cist. Nobody offering to read the riot act, or seemingly to discountenance the insurrection or disapproval of it in any way. But the head-twin drowned all the turmoil and held his own against the field. It's our clock now, and it's got wheels inside of it, and a thing that flutters every time she strikes, doesn't it, Father? Great-grandmother died before hardly any of us was born. She was an old school Baptist, and had warts all over her. You ask Father if she didn't. She had an uncle once that was ball-headed and used to have fits. He wasn't our uncle. I don't know what he was to us. Some kin or another, I reckon.  We used to have a calf that had apples, and just chewed up dish rags like nothing. And if you stay here, you'll see lots of funerals, won't he, Cis? Did you ever see a house of fire? I have. Once me, and Jim Terry. But sellers began to speak now, and the storm ceased. He began to tell about an enormous speculation he was thinking of embarking some capital in. A speculation which some London bankers had been over to consult with him about. And soon he was building glittering pyramids of coin, and Washington was presently growing opulent under the magic of his eloquence. But at the same time Washington was not able to ignore the cold entirely. He was as nearly as close to the stove as he could get, and yet he could not persuade himself that he felt the slightest heat. Notwithstanding the eyes and glass door was still gently and serenely glowing. He tried to get a trifle closer to the stove, and the consequence was he tipped the supporting poker, and the stove door tumbled to the floor. And then there was a revelation. There was nothing in the stove but a lighted tallow candle.  But the Colonel was only disconcerted for a moment. He straight away found his voice again. A little idea of my own Washington, one of the greatest things in the world. You must write and tell your father about it. Don't forget that now. I have been reading up some European scientific reports. Friend of mine. Count Figuer sent them to me. Sends me all sorts of things from Paris. He thinks the world of me, Figuer does. Well I saw that the Academy of France had been testing the properties of heat, and they came to the conclusion that it was a nonconductor or something like that. And of course its influence must necessarily be deadly in nervous organizations with excitable temperaments, especially when there is any tendency towards rheumatic affections. Bless you, I saw in a moment what was the matter with us, and says I, out goes your fires. No more slow torture and certain death for me, sir. What you want is the appearance of heat, not the heat itself. That's the idea. Well, how to do it was the next thing. I just put my head to work, peg the way a couple of days, and here you are. Rheumatism? Why a man can't any more start a case of rheumatism in this house than he can shake an opinion out of a mummy. Stove with a candle in it? And a transparent door? That's it. It has been the salvation of this family. Don't fail to write your father about it, Washington, and tell him the idea is mine. I'm no more conceited than most people, I reckon, but you know it's human nature for a man to want credit for a thing like that. Washington said with his blue lips that he would. But he said in his secret heart that he would promote no such inquiry. He tried to believe in the healthfulness of the invention, and succeed it tolerably well. But after all, he could not feel that good health in a frozen body was any real improvement on the rheumatism. Please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Charles Rue. The Gilded Age. By Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner. Chapter 8 One per horde is thinne, as of Saroiza. Not replenished with greater diversity of meat and drink, good chair may then suffice with honest talking. The Book of Courtesy. Come on, sir. Now you set your foot on shore in Novo Orb. Here's the rich Peru. And there within, sir, are the golden mines, great Solomon's o' fear. B. Johnson. The supper at Colonel Sellers was not sumptuous in the beginning, but it improved on acquaintance. That is to say that what Washington regarded at first sight as mere lowly potatoes presently became awe-inspiring agricultural productions that had been reared in some ducal garden beyond the sea under the sacred eye of the duke himself, who had sent them to Sellers. The bread was from corn which could be grown in only one favored locality in the earth and only a favored few could get it. The Rio Coffee, which at first seemed execrable to the taste, took to itself an improved flavor when Washington was told to drink it slowly and not hurry what should be a lingering luxury in order to be fully appreciated. It was from the private stores of a Brazilian nobleman with an unrememberable name. The Colonel's tongue was a magician's wand that turned dried apples into figs and water into wine as easily as it could change a hovel into a palace and present poverty into imminent future riches. Washington slept in a cold bed in a carpetless room and woke up in a palace in the morning. At least the palace lingered during the moment that he was rubbing his eyes and getting his bearings. And then it disappeared and he recognized that the Colonel's inspiring talk had been influencing his dreams. Fatigue had made him sleep late. When he entered the sitting room he noticed that the old hair-cloth sofa was absent. When he sat down to breakfast the Colonel tossed six or seven dollars in bills on the table, counted them over, said he was a little short and must call upon his banker, then returned the bills to his wallet with the indifferent air of a man who was used to money. The breakfast was not an improvement upon the supper, but the Colonel talked it up and transformed it into an Oriental feast. By and by he said, I intend to look out for you, Washington, my boy. I hunted up a place for you yesterday, but I'm not referring to that. Now that is a mere livelihood, mere bread and butter. But when I say I mean to look out for you, I mean something very different. I mean to put things in your way that will make a mere livelihood a trifling thing. I'll put you in a way to make more money than you'll ever know what to do with. You'll be right here where I can put my hand on you when anything turns up. I've got some prodigious operations on foot, but I'm keeping quiet. Mum's the word.  But all in good time, Washington, all in good time, you'll see. Now, there's an operation in corn that looks well. Some New York men are trying to get me to go into it, buy up all the growing crops and just boss the market when they mature. Ah, I tell you it's a great thing. And it only costs a trifle. Two millions or two and a half will do it. I haven't exactly promised yet. There's no hurry. The more indifferent I seem, you know, the more anxious those fellows will get. And then there's the hog speculation. That's bigger still. We've got quiet man at work. He was very impressive here. Mousin' around to get propositions out of all the farmers in the whole west and northwest for the hog crop and other agents quietly getting propositions and terms out of all the manufactories. And don't you see? If we can get all the hogs and all the slaughterhouses into our hands on the dead quiet, it would take three ships to carry the money. I've looked into the thing, calculated all the chances for and all the chances against, and though I shake my head and hesitate and keep on thinking, apparently, I've got my mind made up that if the thing can be done on a capital of six millions, that's the horse to put up money on. Why, Washington, but what's the use of talking about it? Any man can see that there's whole Atlantic oceans of cash in it, gulfs and bays thrown in. But there's a bigger thing than that. Yes, bigger. Well, Colonel, you can't want anything bigger, said Washington, his eyes blazing. Oh, I wish I could go into either of those speculations. I only wish I had money. I wish I wasn't cramped and kept down and fettered with poverty and such prodigious chances lying right here in sight. Oh, it is a fearful thing to be poor. But don't throw away those things. They're so splendid and I can see how sure they are. Don't throw them away for something still better and maybe fail in it. I wouldn't, Colonel. I would stick to these. I wish Father were here and were his old self again. Oh, he'd never in his life had such chances as these are. Colonel, you can't improve on these. No man can improve on them. A sweet, compassionate smile played about the Colonel's features, and he leaned over the table with the air of a man who was going to show you and do it without the least trouble. While Washington, my boy, these things are nothing. They look large, of course. They look large to a novice, but to a man who's been all his life accustomed to large operations, Shaw. They're well enough to wile away an idle hour with or furnish a bit of employment that will give a trifle of idle capital a chance to earn its bread while it's waiting for something to do. But now just listen a moment. Just let me give you an idea of what we all veterans of commerce call business. Here's the Rothschild's proposition. This is between you and me, you understand. Washington nodded three or four times impatiently, and his glowing eyes said, Yes, yes, hurry, I understand. For I wouldn't have it get out for a fortune. They want me to go in with them on the sly. Agent was here two weeks ago about it. Going on the sly, voiced down to an impressive whisper now, and by up, 113 wildcat banks in Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois, and Missouri. Notes of these banks are at all sorts of discount now. Average discount of the 113 is 44 percent. Buy them all up, you see, and then all of a sudden let the cat out of the bag. Whiz! The stock of every one of those wildcats would spin up to a tremendous premium before you could turn a handspring, profit on the speculation not a dollar less than 40 millions. An eloquent pause, while the marvelous vision settled into W's focus. Where's your hogs now? Why, my dear innocent boy, we would just sit down on the front door steps and peddle banks like Lucifer matches.  Why couldn't these things have happened in Father's Day? And I, instead of no use, they simply lie before my face and mock me. There is nothing for me but to stand helpless and see other people reap the astonishing harvest. Never mind Washington, don't you worry. I'll fix you. There's plenty of chances. How much money have you got? In the presence of so many millions, Washington could not keep from blushing when he had to confess that he had but 18 dollars in the world. Well, all right. Don't despair. Other people have been obliged to begin with less. I have a small idea that may develop into something for us both all in good time. Keep your money close and add to it. I'll make it breed. I've been experimented to pass away the time. On a little preparation for curing sore eyes, a kind of decoction nine-tenths water and the other tenth drugs that don't cost more than a dollar a barrel. I'm still experimenting. There's one ingredient wanted yet to perfect the thing, and somehow I can't just manage to hit upon the thing that's necessary, and I don't dare talk with a chemist, of course. But I'm progressing, and before many weeks I wager the country will ring with the fame of Bariah Sellers' infallible imperial oriental optic liniment and salvation for sore eyes, the medical wonder of the age. Small bottles fifty cents, large ones a dollar. Average cost five and seven cents for the two sizes. The first year sell, say, ten thousand bottles in Missouri, seven thousand in Iowa, three thousand in Arkansas, four thousand in Kentucky, six thousand in Illinois, and say twenty five thousand in the rest of the country. Total fifty five thousand bottles, profit clear of all expenses, twenty thousand dollars at the very lowest calculation. All the capital needed is to manufacture the first two thousand bottles, say a hundred and fifty dollars. Then the money would begin to flow in. The second year sales would reach two hundred thousand bottles, the clear profit say seventy five thousand dollars, and in the meantime the great factory would be built in St. Louis to cost say a hundred thousand dollars. The third year we could easily sell one million bottles in the United States, and oh splendid, said Washington, let's commence right away, let's—one million bottles in the United States profit at least three hundred and fifty thousand dollars, and then it would begin to be time to turn our attention toward the real idea of the business. The real idea of it ain't three hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, a pretty real—stuff.  Would I go to all that trouble and bother, for the poor crumbs a body might pick up in this country? Now, do I look like a man who, does my history suggest that I am a man who deals in trifles, contents himself with a narrow horizon that hems in the common herd sees no further than the end of his nose? Now, you know that that is not me, couldn't be me. You ought to know that if I throw my time and abilities into a patent medicine, it's a patent medicine whose field of operations is the solid earth, its clients the swarming nations that inhabit it. Why, what is the Republic of America for an eye-water country?  Why, Washington, in the Oriental countries people swarm like the sands of the desert. Every square mile of ground upholds its thousands upon thousands of struggling human creatures, and every separate and individual devil of them's got the ophthalmia. It is natural to them as noses are and sin. It's born with them, it stays with them, it's all that some of them have left when they die. Three years of introductory trade in the Orient, and what will be the result? Why, our headquarters would be in Constantinople and our hindquarters in further India. Factories and warehouses in Cairo, Isphahan, Baghdad, Damascus, Jerusalem, Yado, Peking, Bangkok, Delhi, Bombay, Calcutta. Annual income, well, God only knows how many millions and millions apiece. Washington was so dazed, so bewildered. His heart and his eyes had wandered so far away among the strange lands beyond the seas, and such avalanches of coin and currency had fluttered and jingled confusedly down before him, that he was now as one who has been whirling round and round for a time, and stopping all at once finds his surroundings still whirling and all objects of dancing chaos. However, little by little the seller's family cooled down and crystallized into shape, and the poor room lost its glitter and resumed its poverty. Then the youth found his voice and begged sellers to drop everything and hurry up the air-water, and he got his eighteen dollars and tried to force it upon the colonel, pleaded with him to take it, implored him to do it. But the colonel would not. Said he would not need the capital in his native, magnificent way he called that eighteen dollars capital, till the eye-water was an accomplished fact. He made Washington easy in his mind, though, by promising that he would call for it just as soon as the invention was finished, and he added the glad tidings that nobody but just they too should be admitted to a share in the speculation. When Washington left the breakfast table he could have worshiped that man. Washington was one of that kind of people whose hopes are in the very clouds one day and in the gutter the next. He walked on air now. The colonel was ready to take him around and introduce him to the employment he had found for him, but Washington begged for a few moments in which to write home, with his kind of people to ride to day's new interest to death and put off yesterday's till another time as nature itself. He ran upstairs and wrote glowingly enthusiastically to his mother about the hogs in the corn, the banks in the eye-water, and added a few inconsequential millions to each project. And he said that people little dreamed what a man colonel Sellers was and that the world would open its eyes when it found out. And he closed his letter thus.  In a little while you shall have everything you want and more. I am not likely to stint you in anything I fancy. This money will not be for me alone but for all of us. I want all to share a like, and there is going to be far more for each than one person can spend. Break it to father cautiously. You understand the need of that. Break it to him cautiously, for he has had such cruel heart fortune and is so stricken by it that great news might prostrate him more surely than even bad. For he is used to the bad, but is grown sadly unaccustomed to the other. Tell Laura, tell all the children, and write to Clay about it if he is not with you yet. You may tell Clay that whatever I get he can freely share in, freely. He knows that that is true. There will be no need that I should swear to that to make him believe it. Good-bye, and mind what I say. Rest perfectly easy, one and all of you, for our troubles are nearly at an end. Poor lad, he could not know that his mother would cry some loving, compassionate tears over his letter and put off the family with a synopsis of its contents which conveyed a deal of love to them but not much idea of his prospects or projects. And he never dreamed that such a joyful letter could sadden her and fill her night with sighs and troubled thoughts and boatings of the future, instead of filling it with peace and blessing it with restful sleep. When the letter was done Washington and the Colonel sallied forth, and as they walked along Washington learned what he was to be. He was to be a clerk in a real estate office. Instantly the fickle youth's dreams forsook the magic eye water and flew back to the Tennessee land. And the gorgeous possibilities of that great domain straight way began to occupy his imagination to such a degree that he could scarcely manage to keep even enough of his attention upon the Colonel s talk to retain the general run of what he was saying. He was glad it was a real estate office. He was a made man now, sure. The Colonel said that General Boswell was a rich man and had a good and growing business, and that Washington's work would be light, and he would get forty dollars a month and be boarded and lodged in the general's family, which was as good as ten dollars more, and even better, for he could not live as well even at the city hotel as he would there, and yet the hotel charged fifteen dollars a month where a man had a good room. General Boswell was in his office, a comfortable looking place with plenty of outline maps hanging about the walls and in the windows, and a spectacled man who was marking out another one on a long table. The office was in the principal street. The general received Washington with a kindly but reserved politeness. Washington rather liked his looks. He was about fifty years old, dignified, well preserved, and well dressed. After the Colonel took his leave the general talked a while with Washington. His talk consisting chiefly of instructions about the clerical duties of the place. He seemed satisfied as to Washington's ability to take care of the books, he was evidently a pretty fair theoretical bookkeeper, and experience would soon harden theory into practice. By and by dinnertime came, and the two walked to the general's house, and now Washington noticed an instinct in himself that moved him to keep not in the general's rear exactly, but yet not at his side. Somehow the old gentleman's dignity and reserve did not inspire familiarity. CHAPTER IX Washington dreamed his way along the street, his fancy flitting from grain to hogs, from hogs to banks, from banks to eye-water, from eye-water to Tennessee land, and lingering but a feverish moment upon each of these fascinations. He was conscious of but one outward thing, to it the general, and he was really not vividly conscious of him. Arrived at the finest dwelling in the town, they entered it and were at home. Washington was introduced to Mrs. Boswell, and his imagination was on the point of flitting into the vapory realms of speculation again, when a lovely girl of sixteen or seventeen came in. This vision swept Washington's mind clear of its chaos of glittering rubbish in an instant. Beauty had fascinated him before, many times he had been in love even for weeks at a time with the same object, but his heart had never suffered so sudden and so fierce an assault as this within his recollection. Louise Boswell occupied his mind and drifted among his multiplication tables all the afternoon. He was constantly catching himself in a reverie, reveries made up of recalling how she looked when she first burst upon him, how her voice thrilled him when she first spoke, how charmed the very air seemed by her presence. Blissful as the afternoon was delivered up to such a revel as this, it seemed an eternity, so impatient was he to see the girl again. Other afternoons like it followed. Washington plunged into this love affair as he plunged into everything else, upon impulse and without reflection. As the days went by it seemed plain that he was growing in favor with Louise. Not sweepingly so, but yet perceptibly he fancied. His attentions to her troubled her father and mother a little, and they warned Louise, without stating particulars or making allusions to any special person, that a girl was sure to make a mistake who allowed herself to marry anybody but a man who could support her well. Some instinct taught Washington that his present lack of money would be an obstruction, though possibly not a bar to his hopes, and straightway his poverty became a torture to him, which cast all his former sufferings under that held into the shade. He longed for riches now as he had ever longed for them before. He had been once or twice to dine with Colonel Sellers, and had been discouraged to note that the Colonel's bill of fare was falling off, both in quantity and quality. A sign, he feared, that the lacking ingredient in the eye-water still remained undiscovered. Though Sellers always explained that these changes in the family diet had been ordered by the doctor, or suggested by some new scientific work that the Colonel had stumbled upon. But it always turned out that the lacking ingredient was still lacking, though it always appeared at the same time that the Colonel was right on its heels. Every time the Colonel came into the real estate office, Washington's heart bounded and his eyes lighted with hope, but it always turned out that the Colonel was merely on the scent of some vast, undefined, landed speculation. Although he was customarily able to say that he was nearer to the all-necessary ingredient than ever, and could almost name the hour when success would dawn. And then Washington's heart would sink again, and a sigh would tell when it touched bottom. About this time a letter came, saying that Judge Hawkins had been ailing for a fortnight and was now considered to be seriously ill. It was thought best that Washington should come home. The news filled him with grief, for he loved and honored his father. The Boswells were touched by the youth's sorrow, and even the general unbent and said encouraging things to him. There was bomb in this. But when Louise bade him goodbye, and shook his hand, and said, Don't be cast down. It will all come out right. I know it will all come out right. It seemed a blessed thing to be in misfortune, and the tears that welled up to his eyes were the messengers of an adoring and a grateful heart. And when the girl saw them and answering tears came into her own eyes, Washington could hardly contain the excess of happiness that poured into the cavities of his breast that were so lately stored to the roof with grief. All the way home he nursed his woe and exalted it. He pictured himself as she must be picturing him. A noble, struggling young spirit persecuted by misfortune, but bravely and patiently waiting in the shadow of a dread calamity, and preparing to meet the blow as became one who was all too used to heart fortune and the pitiless bufferings of fate. These thoughts made him weep, and weep more brokenheartedly than ever, and he wished that she could see his sufferings now. There was nothing significant in the fact that Louise, dreamy and distraught, stood at her bedroom bureau that night, scribbling Washington here and there over a sheet of paper. But there was something significant in the fact that she scratched the word out every time she wrote it, examined the erasure critically to see if anybody could guess at what the word had been, then buried it under a maze of obliterating lines, and finally, as if still unsatisfied, burned the paper. When Washington reached home, he recognized at once how serious his father's case was. The darkened room, the labored breathing and occasional moanings of the patient, the tiptoeing of the attendance and their whispered consultations were full of sad meaning. For three or four nights, Mrs. Hawkins and Laura had been watching by the bedside. Clay had arrived, preceding Washington by one day, and he was now added to the core of Watchers. Mr. Hawkins would have none but these three, though neighborly assistance was offered by old friends. From this time forth, three-hour watches were instituted, and day and night the Watchers kept their vigils. By degrees, Laura and her mother began to show wear, but neither of them would yield a minute of their tasks to Clay. He ventured once to let the midnight hour pass without calling Laura, but he ventured no more. There was that about her rebuke when he tried to explain that taught him that to let her sleep when she might be ministering to her father's needs was to rob her of moments that were priceless in her eyes. He perceived that she regarded it as a privilege to watch, not a burden. And he had noticed also that when midnight struck the patient turned his eyes toward the door, with an expectancy in them which presently grew into a longing, but brightened into contentment as soon as the door opened, and Laura appeared. And he did not need Laura's rebuke when he heard his father say, Clay is good, and you were tired, poor child, but I wanted you so. Clay is not good, father, he did not call me. I would not have treated him so. How could you do it, Clay? Clay begged forgiveness and promised not to break faith again, and as he betook him to his bed he said to himself, It's a steadfast little soul. Whoever thinks he is doing the duchess a kindness by intimating that she is not sufficient for any undertaking she puts her hand to makes a mistake, and if I did not know it before I know now that there are sureer ways of pleasing her than by trying to lighten her labour when that labour consists in wearing herself out, for the sake of a person she loves. A week drifted by, and all the while the patient sank lower and lower. The night drew on that was to end all suspense. It was a wintry one. The darkness gathered, the snow was falling, the wind wailed plaintively about the house, or shook it with fitful gusts. The doctor had paid his last visit, and gone away with that dismal remark to the nearest friend of the family that he believed there was nothing more that he could do. A remark which is always overheard by someone it is not meant for, and strikes a lingering half-conscious hope dead with a withering shock. The medicine files had been removed from the bedside and put out of sight, and all things made orderly and meet for the solemn event that was impending. The patient, with closed eyes, lay scarcely breathing. The watchers sat by and wiped the gathering damps from his forehead, while the silent tears flowed down their faces. The deep hush was only interrupted by sobs from the children, grouped about the bed. After a time it was toward midnight now. Mr. Hawkins, roused out of a dose, looked about him, and was evidently trying to speak. Instantly Laura lifted his head, and in a failing voice he said, while something of the old light shone in his eyes. Wife, children, come nearer, nearer. The darkness grows. Let me see you all once more. The group closed together at the bedside, and their tears and sobs came now without restraint. I am leaving you in cruel poverty. I have been so foolish, so short-sighted, but courage, a better day, is coming. Never lose sight of the Tennessee land, be wary. There is wealth stored up for you there, wealth that is boundless. The children shall hold up their heads with the best in the lands yet. Where are the papers? Have you got the papers safe? Show them, show them to me. Under his strong excitement, his voice had gathered power, and his last sentences were spoken with scarcely a perceptible halt or hindrance. With an effort he had raised himself almost without assistance to a sitting posture.  The papers were brought and held before him, and the answering smile that flitted across his face showed that he was satisfied. He closed his eyes and the signs of approaching dissolution multiplied rapidly. He lay almost motionless for a little while, then suddenly partly raised his head and looked about him as one who peers into a dim, uncertain light. He muttered, Gone? No. I see you still. It is, it is over. But you are safe? Safe? The tin? The voice died out in a whisper. The sentence was never finished. The emaciated fingers began to pick at the coverlet a fatal sign. After a time there were no sounds but the cries of the mourners within and the gusty turmoil of the wind without. Laura had bent down and kissed her father's lips as the spirit left the body, but she did not sob or utter any ejaculation. Her tears flowed silently. Then she closed the dead eyes and crossed the hands upon the breast. After a season she kissed the forehead reverently, drew the sheet up over the face and then walked apart and sat down with the look of one who is done with life and has no further interest in its joys and sorrows, its hopes or its ambitions. Clay buried his face in the coverlet of the bed. When the other children and the mother realized that death was indeed come at last, they threw themselves into each other's arms and gave way to a frenzy of grief. Recording by Charles Rue The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner Chapter 10 Only two or three days had elapsed since the funeral, when something happened which was to change the drift of Laura's life somewhat and influence in a greater or lesser degree the formation of her character. Major Lackland had once been a man of note in the state, a man of extraordinary natural ability and as extraordinary learning. He had been universally trusted and honored in his day but had finally fallen into misfortune. While serving his third term in Congress and while upon the point of being elevated to the Senate, which was considered the summit of earthly aggrandizement in those days, he had yielded to temptation when in distress for money were with to save his estate and sold his vote. His crime was discovered and his fall followed instantly. Nothing could reinstate him in the confidence of the people his ruin was irretrievable, his disgrace complete. All doors were closed against him, all men avoided him.  He died as he had laterally lived, wholly alone and friendless. He had no relatives or if he had, they did not acknowledge him. The coroner's jury found certain memoranda upon his body and about the premises which revealed a fact not suspected by the villagers before, vis that Laura was not the child of Mr. and Mrs. Hawkins. The gossips were soon at work. They were but little hampered by the fact that the memoranda referred to be trade nothing but the bare circumstance that Laura's real parents were unknown and stopped there. So far from being hampered by this, the gossips seemed to gain all the more freedom from it. They supplied all the missing information themselves, they filled up all the blanks. The town soon teamed with histories of Laura's origin and secret history, no two versions precisely alike, but all elaborate, exhaustive, mysterious and interesting, and all agreeing in one vital particular, to it, that there was a suspicious cloud about her birth, not to say a disreputable one. Laura began to encounter cold looks, averted eyes and peculiar nods and gestures which perplexed her beyond measure, but presently the pervading gossip found its way to her and she understood them then. Her pride was stung. She was astonished and at first incredulous. She was about to ask her mother if there was any truth in these reports, but upon second thought held her peace. She soon gathered that Major Lachlan's memoranda seemed to refer to letters which had passed between himself and Judge Hawkins. She shaped her course without difficulty the day that that hint reached her.  She rummaged long among boxes of musty papers relating to business matters of no interest to her, but at last she found several bundles of letters. One bundle was marked private and in that she found what she wanted. She selected six or eight letters from the package and began to devour their contents, heedless of the cold. By the dates these letters were from five to seven years old. They were all from Major Lachlan to Mr. Hawkins. The substance of them was that someone in the East had been inquiring of Major Lachlan about a lost child and its parents, and that it was conjectured that the child might be Laura. Evidently some of the letters were missing, for the name of the inquirer was not mentioned. There was a casual reverence to this handsome featured aristocratic gentleman, as if the reader and the writer were accustomed to speak of him and knew who was meant. In one letter the Major said he agreed with Mr. Hawkins that the inquirer seemed not all together on the wrong track, but he also agreed that it would be best to keep quiet until more convincing developments were forthcoming. Another letter said that the poor soul broke completely down when he saw Laura's picture and declared it must be she. Still another said he seems entirely alone in the world and his heart is so wrapped up in this thing that I believe that if I proved a false hope it would kill him. I have persuaded him to wait a little while and go west when I go. Another letter had this paragraph in it. He is better one day and worse the next and is out of his mind a good deal of the time. Lately his case has developed as something which is a wonder to the hired nurses, but will not be much of a marvel to you if you have read medical philosophy much. It is this. His lost memory returns to him when he is delirious and goes away again when he is himself. Just as old Canada Joe used to talk the French patois of his boyhood in the delirium of typhus fever, though he could not do it when his mind was clear. Now this poor gentleman's memory has always broken down before he reached the explosion of the steamer. He could only remember starting up the river with his wife and child and he had an idea that there was a race. But he was not certain. He could not name the boat he was on. There was a dead blank of a month or more that supplied not an item to his recollection. It was not for me to assist him of course. But now in his delirium it all comes out the names of the boats every incident of the explosion and likewise the details of his astonishing escape. That is up to where just as a yaw boat was approaching him. He was clinging to the starboard wheel of the burning wreck at the time. A falling timber struck him on the head. But I will write out his wonderful escape in full tomorrow or next day. Of course the physicians will not let me tell him now that our Laura is indeed his child. That must come later when his health is thoroughly restored. His case is not considered dangerous at all. He will recover presently, the doctors say. But they insist that he must travel a little when he gets well. They recommend a short sea voyage and they say he can be persuaded to try it if we continue to keep him in ignorance and promise to let him see L as soon as he returns. The letter that bore the latest date of all contained this clause. It is the most unaccountable thing in the world. The mystery remains as impenetrable as ever. I have hunted high and low for him and inquired of everybody but in vain. All trace of him ends at that hotel in New York. I never have seen or heard of him since up to this day. He could hardly have sailed for his name does not appear upon the books of any shipping office in New York or Boston or Baltimore. How fortunate it seems now that we kept this thing to ourselves. Laura still has a father in you and it is better for her that we drop this subject here forever. That was all. Random remarks here and there being pieced together gave Laura a vague impression of a man of fine presence. About forty-three or forty-five years of age with dark hair and eyes and a slight limp in his walk. It was not stated which leg was defective. And this indistinct shadow represented her father. She made an exhaustive search for the missing letters but found none. They had probably been burned and she doubted not that the ones she had ferreted out would have shared the same fate if Mr. Hawkins had not been a dreamer, void of method, whose mind was perhaps in a state of conflagration over some bright new speculation when he received them. She sat long with the letters in her lap thinking and unconsciously freezing. She felt like a lost person who has traveled down a long lane in good hope of escape and just the night descends finds his progress barred by a bridgeless river whose further shore, if it has one, is lost in the darkness. If she could only have found these letters a month sooner, that was her thought. But now the dead had carried their secrets with them. A dreary melancholy settled down upon her. An undefined sense of injury crept into her heart. She grew very miserable. She had just reached the romantic age, the age when there is a sad sweetness, a dismal comfort to a girl to find out that there is a mystery connected with her birth, which no other piece of good luck can afford. She had more than her rightful share of practical good sense, but still she was human. And to be human is to have one's little modicum of romance secreted away in one's composition. One never ceases to make a hero of oneself in private during life, but only alters the style of his heroism from time to time as the drifting years belittle certain gods of his admiration and raise up others in their stead that seem greater. The recent wearing days and nights of watching and the wasting grief that had possessed her combined with the profound depression that naturally came with the reaction of idleness made Laura peculiarly susceptible at this time to romantic impressions. She was a heroine now with a mysterious father somewhere. She could not really tell whether she wanted to find him and spoil it all or not, but still all the traditions of romance pointed to making the attempt as the usual and necessary course to follow. Therefore she would someday begin the search when opportunity should offer. Now a former thought struck her. She would speak to Mrs. Hawkins, and naturally enough Mrs. Hawkins appeared on the stage at that moment. She said she knew all. She knew that Laura had discovered the secret that Mr. Hawkins, the elder children, Cardinal Sellers and herself had kept so long and so faithfully. And she cried and said that now that troubles had begun they would never end. Her daughter's love would wean itself away from her and her heart would break. Her grief so wrought upon Laura that the girl almost forgot her own troubles for the moment in her compassion for her mother's distress. Finally Mrs. Hawkins said, Speak to me child, do not forsake me. Forget all this miserable talk. Say I am your mother. I have loved you so long and there is no other.  All barriers fell before this appeal. Laura put her arms about her mother's neck and said, You are my mother and always shall be. We will be as we have always been and neither this foolish talk nor any other thing shall part us or make us less to each other than we are at this hour. There was no longer any sense of separation or estrangement between them. Indeed their love seemed more perfect now than it had ever been before. By and by they went downstairs and sat by the fire and talked long and earnestly about Laura's history and the letters. But it transpired that Mrs. Hawkins had never known of this correspondence between her husband and Major Lackland. With his usual consideration for his wife, Mr. Hawkins had shielded her from the worry the matter would have caused her. Laura went to bed at last with the mind that had gained largely in tranquility and had lost correspondingly in morbid romantic exaltation. She was pensive the next day and subdued, but that was not matter for remark, for she did not differ from the mournful friends about her in that respect. Clay and Washington were the same loving and admiring brothers now that they had always been. The great secret was new to some of the younger children, but their love suffered no change under the wonderful revelation. It is barely possible that things might have presently settled down into their old rut and the mystery have lost the bulk of its romantic sublimity in Laura's eyes if the village gossips could have quieted down. But they could not quiet down and they did not. Day after day they called at the house ostensibly upon visits of condolence and they pumped away at the mother and the children without seeming to know that their questionings were in bad taste. They meant no harm. They only wanted to know. Villagers always want to know. The family fought shy of the questionings and of course that was high testimony. If the Duchess was respectively born, why didn't they come out and prove it? Why did they stick to that poor thin story about picking her up out of a steamboat explosion? Under this ceaseless persecution Laura's morbid self-communing was renewed. At night the day's contribution of detraction, innuendo, and malicious conjecture would be canvassed in her mind and then she would drift into a course of thinking. As her thoughts ran on the indignant tears would spring to her eyes and she would spit out fierce little ejaculations at intervals. But finally she would grow calmer and say some comforting, disdainful thing, something like this. But who are they? Animals. What is their opinion to me? Let them talk. I will not stoop to be affected by it. I could take nonsense. Nobody I care for or in any way respect is changed toward me, I fancy. She may have supposed she was thinking of many individuals. But it was not so. She was thinking of only one. And her heart warmed somewhat too, the while. One day a friend overheard a conversation like this and naturally came and told her all about it. Ned, they say you don't go there anymore. How is that? Well, I don't, but I tell you it's not because I don't want to and it's not because I think it is any matter who who father was or who he wasn't either. It's only on account of this talk talk talk. I think she's a fine girl every way and so would you if you knew her as well as I do. But you know how it is when a girl once gets talked about. It's all up with her. The world won't ever let her alone after that. The only comment Laura made upon this revelation was, then it appears that if this trouble had not occurred I could have had the happiness of Mr. Ned Thurston's serious attentions. He is well-favored in person and well-lacked too, I believe, and comes of one of the first families of the village. He's prosperous too, I hear, has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients. No, three, I think. Yes, it was three. I attended their funerals. Well, other people have hoped and been disappointed. I am not alone in that. I wish you could stay to dinner, Maria. We are going to have sausages and besides I wanted to talk to you about Hawkeye and make you promise to come and see us when we're settled there. But Maria could not stay. She had come to mingle romantic tears with Laura's over the lover's defection and had found herself dealing with a heart that could not rise to an appreciation of affliction because its interest was all centered in sausages. But as soon as Maria was gone, Laura stamped her expressive foot and said, the coward, our all book's lies, I thought he would fly to the front and be brave and noble and stand up for me against all the world and defy my enemies and wither these gossips with his scorn, paw-crawling thing, let him go. I do begin to despise this world. She lapsed into thought. Presently, she said, if the time ever comes and I get the chance, oh, I'll—she could not find a word that was strong enough, perhaps. By and by, she said, well, I am glad of it. I'm glad of it. I never cared anything for him anyway. And then, with small consistency, she cried a little and patted her foot more indignantly than ever. End of chapter 10. Recording by Charles Rue, Boulder Creek, California. Chapter 11 of The Gilded Age This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Charles Rue. The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner. Chapter 11. Two months had gone by and the Hawkins family were domiciled in Hawkeye. Washington was at work in the real estate office again and was alternately in paradise or the other place just as it happened that Louise was gracious to him or seemingly indifferent. Because indifference or preoccupation could mean nothing else than that she was thinking of some other young person. Colonel Sellers had asked him several times to dine with him when he first returned to Hawkeye, but Washington for no particular reason had not accepted. No particular reason except one which he preferred to keep to himself vis that he could not bear to be away from Louise. It occurred to him now that the Colonel had not invited him lately. Could he be offended? He resolved to go that very day and give the Colonel pleasant surprise. It was a good idea, especially as Louise had absented herself from breakfast that morning and torn his heart. He would tear hers now and let her see how it felt. The Sellers family were just starting to dinner when Washington burst upon them with his surprise. For an instant the Colonel looked nonplussed and just a bit uncomfortable and Mrs Sellers looked actually distressed. But the next moment the head of the house was himself again and exclaimed, All right my boy, all right, always glad to see you, always glad to hear your voice and take you by the hand. Don't wait for special invitations, that's all nonsense among friends. Just come whenever you can and come as often as you can, the oftener the better. You can't please us any better than that Washington, the little woman will tell you so herself. We don't pretend to style. Plain folks, you know, plain folks. Just a plain family dinner, but such as it is our friends are always welcome. I reckon you know that yourself, Washington. Run along children, run along Lafayette. In those old days the average man called his children after his most revered literary and historical idols. Consequently there was hardly a family at least in the west, but had a Washington in it. And also a Lafayette, a Franklin, and six or eight sounding names from Byron, Scott, and the Bible, if the offspring held out. To visit such a family was to find oneself confronted by a congress made up of representatives of the imperial myths and the majestic dead of all the ages. There was something thrilling about it to a stranger, not to say awe-inspiring. Stand off the cat's tail, child. Can't you see what you're doing? Come, come, come. Roderick, do it. Isn't it nice for little boys to hang onto young gentlemen's coat tails? But never mind him, Washington. He's full of spirits and don't mean any harm. Children will be children, you know. Take the chair next to Mrs. Sellers, Washington. Marie Antoinette, let your brother have the fork if he wants it.  Washington contemplated the banquet and wondered if he were in his right mind. Was this the plain family dinner? And was it all present? It was soon apparent that this was indeed the dinner. It was all on the table. It consisted of abundance of clear fresh water and a basin of raw turnips. Nothing more. Washington stole a glance at Mrs. Sellers' face and would have given the world the next moment if he could have spared her that.  Washington did not know what to do.  But he was there and there was no escape. Colonel Sellers hitchbacked his coat sleeves air-lay from his wrists, as who should say, now for solid enjoyment. Seized a fork, flourished it, and began to harpoon turnips and deposit them in the plates before him. Let me help you, Washington. Lafayette, pass this plate, Washington. Ah, well, well, my boy. Things are looking pretty bright now, I tell you. Speculation, my. The whole atmosphere is full of money. I wouldn't take three fortunes for one little operation I've got a hand on now. Have anything from the casters? No? Well, you're right, you're right. Some people lack mustard with turnips, but now there was Baron Poniatowski. Lord, but that man did know how to live. True Russian, you know. Russian to the backbone. I say to my wife, give me a Russian every time for a table, comrade. The Baron used to say, take mustard, Sellers. Try the mustard. A man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard. But I always said, no, Baron, I'm a plain man and I want my food plain. None of your embellishments for bariah sellers. No made dishes for me. And it's the best way. High-living kills more than it cures in this world. You can rest assured of that. Yes, indeed, Washington, I've got one little operation on hand that takes some more water. Help yourself, won't you? Help yourself. There's plenty of it. You'll find it pretty good, I guess. How does that fruit strike you? Washington said he did not know that he had ever tasted better. He did not add that he detested turnips even when they were cooked. Loathed them in their natural state. No, he kept this to himself, and praised the turnips to the peril of his soul. I thought you'd like them. Examine them. Examine them. They'll bear it. See how perfectly firm and juicy they are. They can't start any like them in this part of the country. I can tell you, these are from New Jersey. I imported them myself. They cost like sin, too, but Lord bless me, I go in for having the best of a thing, even if it does cost a little more. It's the best economy in the long run. These are the early Malcolm. It's a turnip that can't be produced except in just one orchard, and the supply never is up to the demand. It takes some more water, Washington. You can't drink too much water with fruit. All the doctors say that. The plague can't come where this article is, my boy. Plague? What plague? What plague indeed? Why, the Asiatic plague that nearly depopulated London a couple of centuries ago. But how does that concern us? There's no plague here, I reckon. I've let it out. Well, never mind. Just keep it to yourself. Perhaps I often said anything, but it's bound to come out sooner or later, so what is the odds? Old McDowell's wouldn't like me to bother at all. I'll just tell the whole thing, let it go. You see, I've been down to St. Louis, and I happen to run across old Dr. McDowell's, thinks the world to me, does the doctor. He's a man that keeps himself, and well, he may, for he knows that he's got a reputation that covers the whole earth. He won't condescend to open himself out to many people, but Lord bless you, he and I are just like brothers. He won't let me go to a hotel when I'm in the city, says I'm the only man that's company to him, and I don't know, but there's some truth in it too, because although I never like to glorify myself and make a great to-do over what I am or what I can do or what I know, I don't mind saying here among friends that I am better read up in most sciences maybe than the general run of professional men in these days. Well, for the day, he let me into a little secret, strictly on the quiet about this matter of the plague. You see, it's booming right along in our direction, follows the Gulf Stream, you know, just as all these epidemics do, and within three months it will be just waltzing through this land like a whirlwind, and whoever it touches can make his will and contract for the funeral.  How? Turnips, that's it, turnips and water. Nothing like it in the world, old McDowell says, just fill yourself up two or three times a day and you can snap your fingers at the plague. Keep mum, but just you can find yourself to that diet and you're all right. I wouldn't have old McDowell's know that I told about it for anything, he never would speak to me again. Take some more water, Washington, the more water you drink, the better. Here, let me give you some more of the turnips. No, no, no, now I insist, there now, absorb those, they're mighty sustaining, brim full of nutriment, all the medical books say so. Just eat from four to seven good-sized turnips at a meal and drink from a pint and a half to a quarter water and then just sit around for a couple of hours and let them ferment.  Fifteen or twenty minutes later the Colonel's tongue was still chattering away. He had piled up several future fortunes out of several incipient operations which he had blundered into within the past week and was now soaring along through some brilliant expectations born of late promising experiments upon the lacking ingredient of the eye water. And at such a time, Washington ought to have been a rapt and enthusiastic listener, but he was not, for two matters disturbed his mind and distracted his attention. One was that he discovered to his confusion and shame that in allowing himself to be helped a second time to the turnips, he had robbed those hungry children. He had not needed the dreadful fruit and had not wanted it and when he saw the pathetic sorrow in their faces when they asked for more and there was no more to give them, he hated himself for his stupidity and pitied the famishing young things with all his heart. The other matter that disturbed him was the dire inflation that had begun in his stomach. It grew and grew, it became more and more insupportable. Evidently the turnips were fermenting. He forced himself to sit still as long as he could but his anguish conquered him at last. He rose in the midst of the Colonel's talk and excused himself on the plea of a previous engagement. The Colonel followed him to the door, promising over and over again that he would use his influence to get some of the early Malcoms for him and insisting that he should not be such a stranger but come and take pot luck with him every chance he got. Washington was glad enough to get away and feel free again. He immediately bent his steps toward home. In bed he passed an hour that threatened to turn his hair gray and then a blessed calm settled down upon him that filled his heart with gratitude. Weak and languid he made shift to turn himself about and seek rest and sleep, and as his soul hovered upon the brink of unconsciousness he heaved a long deep sigh and said to himself that in his heart he had cursed the Colonel's preventive of rheumatism before and now let the plague come if it must. He was done with preventives.  If he dreamed at all that night no gossiping spirit disturbed his visions to whisper in his ear of certain matters just then in bud in the east more than a thousand miles away that after the lapse of a few years would develop influences which would profoundly affect the fate and fortunes of the Hawkins family. End of Chapter 11 Recording by Charles Rue, Boulder Creek, California Chapter 12 of The Gilded Age This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Aaron Waters The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner Chapter 12 Oh it's easy enough to make a fortune, Henry said. It seems to be easier than it is, I begin to think, replied Philip. Well why don't you go into something? You'll never dig it out of the Astor Library. If there be any place and time in the world where and when it seems easy to go into something it is in Broadway on a spring morning when one is walking cityward and has before him the long lines of palace shops with an occasional spire seen through the soft haze that lies over the lower town and hears the roar and hum of its multitudinous traffic. To the young American, here or elsewhere, the paths to fortune are innumerable and all open. There is invitation in the air and success in all his wide horizon. He is embarrassed which to choose and is not unlikely to waste years endowling with his chances before giving himself to the serious tug and strain of a single object. He has no traditions to bind him or guide him and his impulse is to break away from the occupation his father has followed and make a new way for himself. Philip Sterling used to say that if he should seriously set himself for 10 years to any one of the dozen projects that were in his brain he felt that he could be a rich man. He wanted to be rich, he had a sincere desire for a fortune, but for some unaccountable reason he hesitated about addressing himself to the narrow work of getting it. He never walked Broadway a part of its tide of abundant shifting life without feeling something of the flesh of wealth and unconsciously taking the elastic step of one well to do in this prosperous world. Especially at night in the crowded theater, Philip was too young to remember the old chamber street box where the serious burden led his hilarious and pagan crew. In the intervals of the screaming comedy when the orchestra scraped and grunted and tooted its disillute tunes, the world seemed full of opportunities to Philip and his heart exalted with a conscious ability to take any of its prizes he chose to pluck. Perhaps it was the swimming ease of the acting on the stage where virtue had its reward in three easy acts. Perhaps it was the excessive light of the house or the music or the buzz of the excited talk between acts. Perhaps it was youth which believed everything, but for some reason while Philip was at the theater he had the utmost confidence in life and his ready victory in it. Delightful illusion of paint and tinsel and silk attire of cheap sentiment and high and mighty dialogue, will there not always be rosin enough for the squeaking fiddle-bow? Do we not all like the model and hero who is sneaking round the right entrance and waits to steal the pretty wife of his rich and tyrannical neighbor from the paceboard cottage of the left entrance? And when he advances down to the footlights and defiantly informs the audience that he who lays his hand on a woman except in the way of kindness, do we not all applaud so as to drown the rest of the sentence? Philip never was fortunate enough to hear what would become of a man who should lay his hand on a woman with the exception named, but he learned afterwards that the woman who lays her hand on a man without any exception whatsoever is always acquitted by the jury. The fact was, though Philip Sterling did not know it, that he wanted several other things quite as much as he wanted wealth. The modest fellow would have liked fame thrust upon him for some worthy achievement. It might be for a book or for the skillful management of some great newspaper or for some daring expedition like that of Lieutenant Strain or Dr. Cain. He was unable to decide exactly what it should be. Sometimes he thought he would like to stand in a conspicuous pulpit and humbly preach the gospel of repentance. And it even crossed his mind that it would be noble to give himself to a missionary life to some benighted region where the date palm grows and the nightingale's voice is in tune and the bull bull sings on the off nights. If he were good enough, he would attach himself to that company of young men in the theological seminary who were seeing New York life in preparation for the ministry. Philip was a New England boy and had graduated at Yale. He had not carried off with him all the learnings of that venerable institution, but he knew some things that were not in the regular course of study. A very good use of the English language and considerable knowledge of its literature was one of them. He could sing a song very well, not in tune to be sure, but with enthusiasm. He could make a magnetic speech at a moment's notice in the classroom, the debating society, or upon any fence or dry goods box that was convenient. He could lift himself by one arm and do the giant swing in the gymnasium. He could strike out from his left shoulder. He could handle an ore like a professional and pull stroke in a winning race. Philip had a good appetite, a sunny temper, and a clear, hearty laugh. He had brown hair, hazel eyes set wide apart, a broad but not high forehead, and a fresh, winning face. He was six feet high, with broad shoulders, long legs, and a swinging gait. One of those loose-jointed, capable fellows who saunter into the world with a free air and usually make a stir in whatever company they enter. After he left college, Philip took the advice of friends and read law. Law seemed to him well enough as a science, but he never could discover a practical case where it appeared to him worthwhile to go to law. And all the clients who stopped with this new clerk in the anti-room of the law office where he was writing, Philip invariably advised to settle, no matter how, but settle, greatly to the disgust of his employer, who knew that justice between man and man could only be attained by the recognized processes with the attendant fees. Besides, Philip hated the copying of pleadings, and he was certain that a life of warehouses and aforeseds and whipping the devil round the stump would be intolerable. Note, these few paragraphs are nearly an autobiography of the life of Charles Dudley Warner, whose contributions to the story start here with Chapter 12, D. W. His pen, therefore, and whereas, and not as aforesaid, strayed off into other scribblings. In an unfortunate hour, he had two or three papers accepted by First Class magazines at $3 the printed page, and, behold, his vocation was open to him. He would make his mark in literature. Life has no moment so sweet as that in which a young man believes himself called into the immortal ranks of the masters of literature.  At the time of this history, Philip had gone to New York for a career. With his talent, he thought he should have little difficulty in getting an editorial position upon a metropolitan newspaper. Not that he knew anything about newspaper work or had the least idea of journalism. He knew he was not fitted for the technicalities of the subordinate departments, but he could write leaders with perfect ease, he was sure. The drudgery of the newspaper office was too distasteful, and besides, it would be beneath the dignity of a graduate and a successful magazine writer. He wanted to begin at the top of the latter. To his surprise, he found that every situation in the editorial department of the journals was full. Always had been full, was likely always to be full. It seemed to him that the newspaper managers didn't want genius, but mere plotting and grubbing. Philip, therefore, read diligently in the Astor Library, planned literary works that should compel attention, and nursed his genius. He had no friend wise enough to tell him to step into the dorking convention, then in session, make a sketch of the men and women on the platform, and take it to the editor of the Daily Grapevine and see what he could get a line for it. One day he had an offer from some country friends who believed in him to take charge of a provincial daily newspaper, and he went to consult Mr. Gringo. Gringo, who years ago managed the Atlas, about taking the situation. Take it, of course, says Gringo. Take anything that offers. Why not? But they want me to make it an opposition paper. Well, make it that. That party is going to succeed. It's going to elect the next president. I don't believe it, said Philip Stoutly. It's wrong in principle, and it ought not to succeed, but I don't see how I could go for a thing I don't believe in. Oh, very well, said Gringo, turning away with a shade of contempt. You'll find, if you are going into literature and newspaper work, that you can't afford a conscience like that. But Philip did afford it, and he wrote, thanking his friends and declining because he said the political scheme would fail and ought to fail. And he went back to his books and to his waiting for an opening large enough for his dignified entrance into the literary world. It was in this time of rather impatient waiting that Philip was one morning walking down Broadway with Henry Brearley. He frequently accompanied Henry partway downtown to what the latter called his office in Broad Street, to which he went or pretended to go with regularity every day. It was evident to the most casual acquaintance that he was a man of affairs, and that his time was engrossed in the largest sort of operations, about which there was a mysterious air. His liability to be suddenly summoned to Washington, or Boston, or Montreal, or even to Liverpool was always imminent. He never was so summoned, but none of his acquaintances would have been surprised to hear any day that he had gone to Panama, or Peoria, or to hear from him that he had bought the bank of commerce. The two were intimate at that time, they had been classmates, and saw a great deal of each other. Indeed, they lived together in Ninth Street in a boarding house, there which had the honor of lodging and partially feeding several other young fellows of like kidney, who have since gone their several ways into fame or into obscurity. It was during the morning walk to which reference has been made that Henry Brearley suddenly said, Philip, how would you like to go to St. Joe? I think I should like it, of all things, replied Philip, with some hesitation. But what for? Oh, it's a big operation. We are going, a lot of us, railroad men, engineers, contractors. You know, my uncle is a great railroad man. I have no doubt I could get you a chance to go, if you'll go. But in what capacity would I go? Well, I'm going as an engineer. You could go as one. I don't know an engine from a coal cart. Field engineer, civil engineer. You can begin by carrying a rod and putting down the figures. It's easy enough. I'll show you about that. We'll get trot wine some of those books. Yes, but what is it for? What is it all about? Why don't you see? We lay out a line, spot a good land, enter it up, know where the stations are to be, spot them, buy lots. There's heaps of money in it. We wouldn't engineer long. When do you go? Was Philip's next question after some moments of silence? Tomorrow. Is that too soon? No, it's not too soon. I've been ready to go anywhere for six months. The fact is, Henry, that I'm about tired of trying to force myself into things, and I'm quite willing to try floating with the stream for a while and see where I will land. This seems like a provincial calling. But sudden enough, the two young men who were by this time full of the adventure went down to the Wall Street office of Henry's uncle and had a talk with that Wiley operator. The uncle knew Philip very well and was pleased with his frank enthusiasm and willing enough to give him a trial in the Western venture. It was settled, therefore, in the prompt way in which things are settled in New York, that they would start with the rest of the company next morning for the West. On the way uptown, these adventurers bought books on engineering and suits of India rubber, which they supposed they would need in a new and probably damp country, and many other things which nobody ever needed anywhere. The night was spent in packing up and writing letters for Philip would not take such an important step without informing his friends. If they disapprove, thought he, I've done my duty by letting them know. Happy youth that is ready to pack its valace and start for Cathay on an hour's notice. By the way, calls out Philip from his bedroom to Henry. Where is St. Joe? Why, it's in Missouri somewhere on the frontier, I think. We'll get a map. Never mind the map, we will find the place itself. I was afraid it was nearer home. Philip wrote a long letter, first of all, to his mother, full of love and glowing anticipations of his new opening. He wouldn't bother her with business details, but he hoped that the day was not far off when she would see him return with a moderate fortune and something to add to the comfort of her advancing years. To his uncle, he said that he had made an arrangement with some New York capitalists to go to Missouri in a land and railroad operation, which would at least give him a knowledge of the world and not unlikely offer him a business opening. He knew his uncle would be glad to hear that he had at last turned his thoughts to a practical matter. It was to Ruth Bolton that Philip wrote last. He might never see her again. He went to seek his fortune. He well knew the perils of the frontier, the savage state of society, the lurking Indians, and the dangers of fever. But there was no real danger to a person who took care of himself. Might he write to her often and tell her of his life? If he returned with a fortune, perhaps and perhaps. If he was unsuccessful or if he never returned, perhaps it would be as well. No time or distance, however, would ever lessen his interest in her. He would say good night, but not goodbye. In the soft beginning of a spring morning, long before New York had breakfasted, while yet the air of expectation hung about the wharves of the metropolis, our young adventurers made their way to the Jersey City Railway Station of the Erie Road to begin the long, swinging, crooked journey over what a rider of a former day called a causeway of cracked rails and cows to the west. End of Chapter 12 Recording by Aaron Waters in Denton, Texas Chapter 13 of The Gilded Age This is a LibriVox Recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Aaron Waters The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner Chapter 13 Whatever to say betoke in his entente, his language was so fair and pertinent, yet seemeth unto many's, hearing not only the word, but verily the thing. Caxton's Book of Courtesy In the party of which our travelers found themselves members was Duff Brown, the great railroad contractor, and subsequently a well-known member of Congress, a bluff, jovial Boston man, thick-set, close-shaven, with a heavy jaw and a low forehead, a very pleasant man, if you were not in his way. He had government contracts also, custom houses and dry docks, from Portland to New Orleans, and managed to get out of Congress in appropriations, about wait for wait of gold for the stone furnished. Associated with him, and also of this party, was Rodney Skyak, a sleek New York broker, a man as prominent in the church as in the stock exchange, dainty in his dress, smooth of speech, the necessary compliment of Duff Brown in any enterprise that needed assurance and adroitness. It would be difficult to find a pleasanter traveling party, one that shook off more readily the artificial restraints of puritanic strictness, and took the world with good-natured allowance. Money was plenty for every attainable luxury, and there seemed to be no doubt that its supply would continue, and that fortunes were about to be made without a great deal of toil. Even Philip soon caught the prevailing spirit. Barry did not need any inoculation. He always talked in six figures. It was as natural for the dear boy to be rich as it is for most people to be poor. The elders of the party were not long in discovering the fact, which almost all travelers to the West soon find out, that the water was poor. It must have been by a lucky premonition of this, that they all had brandy flasks, with which to qualify the water of the country. And it was no doubt from an uneasy feeling of the danger of being poisoned, that they kept experimenting, mixing a little of the dangerous and changing fluid, as they passed along with the contents of the flasks, thus saving their lives hour by hour. Philip learned afterwards that temperance and the strict observance of Sunday, and a certain gravity of deportment, are geographical habits, which people do not usually carry with them away from home. Our travelers stopped in Chicago long enough to see that they could make their fortunes there in two weeks' time, but it did not seem worthwhile. The West was more attractive, the further one went, the wider the opportunities opened. They took Railroad to Alton and the steamboat from there to St. Louis for the change and to have a glimpse of the river. Isn't this Jolly, cried Henry, dancing out of the barber's shop, and coming down the deck with a one, two, three step, shaven, curled, and perfumed, after his usual exquisite fashion. What's Jolly, asked Philip, looking out upon the dreary and monotonous waste, the rich the shaking steamboat was coughing its way. Why, the whole thing! It's immense, I can tell you. I wouldn't give that to be guaranteed a hundred thousand cold cash in a year's time. Where's Mr. Brown? He's in the saloon, playing poker with Skyac and that long-haired party with the striped trousers, who scrambled aboard when the stage plank was half-hauled in, and the big delegate to Congress from out west. That's a fine-looking fellow, that delegate, with his glossy, black whiskers. Looks like a Washington man. I shouldn't think he'd be at poker. Oh, it's only five-cent ante. Just to make it interesting, the delegate said. What I shouldn't think a representative in Congress would play poker anyway in a public steamboat. Nonsense! You've got to pass the time. I try to hand myself, but those old fellows are too many for me. The delegate knows all the points. I'd bet a hundred dollars he will ante his way right into the United States Senate, when his territory comes in. He's got the cheek for it. He has the grave and thoughtful manner of expectation of a public man, for one thing, added Philip. Harry, said Philip, after a pause. What have you got on those big boots for? Do you expect two way to shore? I'm breaking them in. The fact was, Harry had got himself up in what he thought a proper costume for a new country, and was, in appearance, a sort of compromise between a dandy of Broadway and a backwoodsman. Harry, with blue eyes, fresh complexion, silken whiskers, and curly chestnut hair, was as handsome as a fashion plate. He wore this morning a soft hat, a short cutaway coat, an open vest displaying immaculate linen, a leatheren belt round his waist, and top boots of soft leather, well polished, that came above his knees and required a string attached to his belt to keep them up. The light-hearted fellow gloried in these shining encasements of his well-shaped legs, and told Philip that they were a perfect protection against prairie rattlesnakes, which never strike above the knee. The landscapes still wore in almost wintry appearance when our travelers left Chicago. It was a genial spring day when they landed at St. Louis. The birds were singing, the blossoms of peach trees and city garden plots made the air sweet, and in the roar and tumult of the long river levee they found an excitement that accorded with their own hopeful anticipations. The party went to the Southern Hotel, where the great Duff Brown was very well known, and indeed was a man of so much importance that even the office clerk was respectful to him. He might have respected in him also a certain vulgar swagger and insolence of money, which the clerk greatly admired. The young fellows liked the house and liked the city. It seemed to them a mighty free and hospitable town. Coming from the east they were struck with many peculiarities. Everybody smoked in the streets, for one thing they noticed. Everybody took a drink in an open manner, whenever he wished to do so, or was asked, as if the habit needed no concealment or apology. In the evening when they walked about they found people sitting on the doorsteps of their dwellings, in a manner not usual in the northern city. In front of some of the hotels and saloons the sidewalks were filled with chairs and benches. Paris fashion, said Harry, upon which people in these warm spring evenings smoking, always smoking, and the clink of glasses and of billiard balls was in the air. It was delightful. Harriet once found on landing that his backwood's custom would not be needed in St. Louis, and that, in fact, he had need of all the resources of his wardrobe to keep even with the young swells of the town. But this did not much matter, for Harry was always superior to his clothes. As they were likely to be detained some time in the city, Harry told Philip that he was going to improve his time, and he did. It was an encouragement to any industrious man to see this young fellow rise, carefully dress himself, eat his breakfast deliberately, smoke his cigar tranquilly, and then repair to his room to what he called his work, with a grave and occupied manner, but with perfect cheerfulness.  He would spend half a day in these preparations without ever working out a problem or having the faintest conception of the use of lines or logarithms, and when he had finished he had the most cheerful confidence that he had done a good day's work. It made no difference, however, whether Harry was in his room in a hotel or in a tent, they'll up soon found, he was just the same. In camp he would get himself up in the most elaborate toilet at his command, polish his long boots to the top, lay out his work before him, and spend an hour or longer, if anybody was looking at him, humming airs, knitting his brows, and working at engineering. And if a crowd of gaping rustics were looking on all the while, it was perfectly satisfactory to him. You see, he says to Philip, one morning at the hotel when he was thus engaged, I want to get the theory of this thing so that I can have a check on the engineers. I thought you were going to be an engineer yourself, queried Philip. Not many times, if the court knows herself, there's better game. Brown and Skyuck have, or will have, the control for the whole line of the Salt's Lick Pacific extension, forty thousand dollars a mile over the prairie with extra for hard pan. And it'll be pretty much all hard pan, I can tell you. Besides every alternate section of land on this line. There's millions in the job. I'm to have the subcontract for the first fifty miles, and you can bet it's a soft thing. I'll tell you what to do, Philip, continued Larry, and a burst of generosity. If I don't get you into my contract, you'll be with the engineers, and you just stick a stake at the first ground marked for a depot by the land of the farmer before he knows where the depot will be, and we'll turn a hundred or so on that. I'll advance the money for the payments, and you can sell the lots. Skyuck is going to let me have ten thousand just for a flyer in such operations. But that's a good deal of money. Wait till you are used to handling money. I didn't come out here for a bag of tell. My uncle wanted me to stay east and go in on the mobile custom house, work up the Washington end of it. He said there was a fortune in it for a smart young fellow, but I preferred to take the chances out here. Did I tell you I had an offer from Bobbit and Fanshawe to go into their office as confidential clerk on a salary of ten thousand? Why didn't you take it? asked Philip, to whom a salary of two thousand would have seemed wealth before he started on this journey. Take it? I'd rather operate on my own hook, said Harry, in his most airy manner. A few evenings after their arrival at the Southern, Philip and Harry made the acquaintance of a very agreeable gentleman whom they had frequently seen about the hotel corridors and passed a casual word with. He had the air of a man of business and was evidently a person of importance. The precipitating of this casual intercourse into the more substantial form of an acquaintance ship was the work of the gentleman himself, and occurred in this wise. Meeting the two friends in the lobby one evening, he asked them to give him the time and added, Excuse me, gentlemen, strangers in St. Louis? Ah, yes, yes. From the east, perhaps? Ah, just so, just so. Eastern born myself, Virginia. Sellers is my name. Bariah Sellers. Ah, by the way. New York, did you say? That reminds me. Just met some gentlemen from your state a week or two ago. Very prominent gentlemen. In public life they are. You must know them without doubt. Let me see. Let me see. Curious those names have escaped me. I know they were from your state, because I remember afterward my old friend, Governor Shackleby, said to me, Thine man is the governor. One of the finest men our country has produced, said he, Colonel, how did you like those New York gentlemen? Not many such men in the world. Colonel Sellers, said the governor. Yes, it was New York, he said. I remember it distinctly. I can't recall those names somehow, but no matter. Stopping here, gentlemen? Stopping at the southern? In shaping their reply in their minds, the title Mr. had a place in it, but when their turn arrived to speak, the title Colonel came from their lips instead. They said yes, they were abiding at the southern, and thought it a very good house. Yes, yes, the southern is fair. I myself go to the planter's old aristocratic house. We southern gentlemen don't change our ways, you know. I always make it my home there when I run down from Hawkeye. My plantation is in Hawkeye, a little up in the country. You should know the planters. Philip and Harry both said they should like to see a hotel that had been so famous in its day. A cheerful hostelry, Philip said, it must have been where duels were fought there, across the dining room table. You may believe it, sir, an uncommonly pleasant lodging. Shall we walk? And the three strolled along the streets, the Colonel talking all the way in the most liberal and friendly manner, and with a frank open-heartedness that inspired confidence. Yes, foreign east myself, raised all along, know the west. A great country, gentlemen, the place for a young fellow of spirit to pick up a fortune, simply pick it up. It's lying round loose here. Not a day that I don't put aside an opportunity. Too busy to look into it. Management of my own property takes my time. First visit, looking for an opening? Yes, looking around, replied Harry. Ah, here we are.  So had I. An opening, eh? The Colonel's eyes twinkled. Ah, just so. The country is opening up. All we want is capital to develop it. Slap down the rails and bring the land into market. The richest land on God Almighty's footstool is lying right out there. If I had my capital free, I could plant it for millions. I suppose your capital is largely in your plantation, asked Philip. Well, partly, sir, partly. I'm down here with reference to a little operation. A little side thing merely. By the way, gentlemen, excuse the liberty, but it's about my usual time. The Colonel paused, but as no movement of his acquaintances followed this plain remark, he added, in an explanatory manner, I'm rather particular about the exact time. Have to be in this climate. Even this open declaration of his hospitable intention not being understood, the Colonel politely said, Gentlemen, will you take something? Colonel Sellers led the way to a saloon on Fourth Street under the hotel, and the young gentleman fell into the custom of the country. Not that, said the Colonel to the barkeeper, who shoved along the counter a bottle of apparently corn whiskey, as if he had done it before on the same order. Not that with a wave of the hand. That otard, if you please, yes, never take an inferior liquor, gentlemen, not in the evening in this climate. There, that's the stuff, my respects. The hospitable gentleman, having disposed of his liquor, remarking that it was not quite the thing. When a man has his own cellar to go to, he is apt to get a little fastidious about his liquors, called for cigars. But the brand offered did not suit him. He motioned the box away, and asked for some particular Havana's, those in separate wrappers. I always smoke this sort, gentlemen. They are a little more expensive, but you'll learn in this climate that you'd better not economize on poor cigars. Having imparted this valuable piece of information, the Colonel lighted the fragrant cigar with satisfaction, and then carelessly put his fingers into his right vest pocket. That movement being without result, with a shade of disappointment on his face, he felt in his left vest pocket. Not finding anything there, he looked up with a serious and annoyed air, anxiously slapped his right pantaloons pocket, and then his left, and exclaimed, By George, that's annoying. By George, that's mortifying. Never had anything of that kind happened to me before. I've left my pocketbook. Hold. Here's a bill, after all. No, thunder, it's a receipt. Allow me, said Philip, seeing how seriously the Colonel was annoyed and taking out his purse. The Colonel protested he couldn't think of it, and muttered something to the bark-keeper about hanging it up. But the vendor of exhilaration made no sign, and Philip had the privilege of paying the costly shot, Colonel Sellers profusely apologizing and claiming the right next time, next time. As soon as Bariah Sellers had bathed his friends goodnight and seen them depart, he did not retire apartments in the planters, but took his way to his lodgings with a friend in a distant part of the city. End of Chapter 13. Recording by Erin Waters in Denton, Texas.