I open the YouTube browser window and go to the chat. You're there, I'm there. The chat's there. Perfect. Ah, it begins, says Samarian. Perfect. Woo! We're live, everybody. Hello. Welcome to the Site 42 and Billeth co-stream. Yes. Hello. How are we doing? We had several technical errors. So this is a format screw stream in that the format is screwed. So we're just doing it live, everybody. Actually, I mean, I'm fine. Everything on my end is configured properly.  Yeah, we're actually doing this through tin cans now. I hope you're reaching our vibrations, everyone. Are you reading? Yes. I'm also going to go over to TikTok really quick.  Perfect. Boom. Get over here, people. The show has started. Great. I'm ready to do this.  I am. I'm not ready to do this, actually. This is going to be fun. This is going to be a long endeavor. Exactly. I apologize for being 15 minutes late, everybody, but I hope you realize we're going to be here for goddamn ever. So in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to be that long. No, not at all. And it's going to go by so fast. It's going to be, it's going to be great. It's going to be great. So let me hit you all guys with the opening monologue. Basically put, every year, or now God, every six months, there's a six, there's a thousand contest on the wiki. The wiki gives away the thousand spot to the winner of a contest. All of the entries are themed around the contest theme. And every year, every year, six months, maybe three months by the time we get too many people on this site, every time this comes around, I do not really pay attention to them at all. And the reason is because with a platform, I feel bad if I were to focus on one article and try to like accidentally boost it because I like can't pay attention to all of them. But because we have brought the live stream back, and because of the severe pain of our good buddy, old pal, Dr. Sumerian, this year we're doing something different. Instead of ignoring them all, we're going to read them all. No one can get mad at bias if we do them all. Yeah, and now actually that means we won't have a lot of time to actually, you know, break down each article, but we'll be able to give our, our fair and honest opinion, I think. Bill and I are both SCP authors. We know a little bit about the site, but this will not be in-depth critique and discussion because we've got over 80 of these to get through. Instead, we are going to read the article, do some dramatic acting. This is all cold reading because we haven't seen any of them. So all of our theatrics are going to be improv. I've read like two or three of them so far. Some of them I've seen and I'm like, I'm curious as to how we're going to tackle this, but, you know, we'll give our overall thoughts, upvote or downvote, and then move on to the next one. Right. Guaier. I hope that's how you say your name, Guaier. I'm going to say that until I'm corrected. Your question is a good question. Are we going to read them in chronological order? And the answer to that is yes. That is how they are posted on the Wiki. It is how we are going to make sure that we cover them all by just gunning down the list. And if we... Chronological... Chronological posting order. I didn't sit down and map these out. I don't think that would be a good idea. And, you know, put them in actual chronological order. That would be rough. That would be right. And so, yes, in posting order, the way they are listed on the page, the likelihood because there's over 80 of these is we're probably going to have to do this a second time next week, which will be good to do a second stream and get Dr. Sumerian more help. Before we start reading the stories themselves, let's explain why we're doing a charity for Sim. Right, yeah. Sumerian, my good friend, he was in his house and a tree tried to kill him. And it failed, but it did take out a good portion of his home. And we're trying to get him out of there. It's actually, you know, structurally, it's not in the best shape. And, you know, we've been really happy with the response so far. There's been a lot of donations, and Sumerian's GoFundMe is looking good, but we want people to keep going over there so we can make sure we hit the goal and maybe surpass it for him so he gets a little bit extra out of it. Because no one deserves to have a tree fall on them, let alone with a tent of erasure. So, you know, he's doing fine. He didn't get hurt at all. I got some bumps and scrapes, but, you know, he's as boisterous as ever. So the goal of the GoFundMe is in the general, it's 15,000 right now. We don't know that that's going to be the exact number that's necessary. It's likely going to be more XYZ as things change around.  Yeah, that would be great. If you're on TikTok, I'm right here with you, but I will not be monitoring the TikTok. What y'all want to do is you want to go to the site 42 YouTube channel and watch the show because then you can see my guest, Billith, and you can see all the fancy graphics. If you're just looking at me in a green screen, it's not nearly as visually appealing. You're just looking at me in a green screen because I don't have it set up, it's just a green screen. So without any further ado, why don't we get to the main event? Absolutely. The dictionary defines luck. Let me shrink that a little bit so it fits into the screen. Boom. Maybe we got to shrink it a little more. Boom. I got to shrink that so much. Get in there. The dictionary defines luck as a force that brings good fortune or adversity. We have had the good fortune of over a decade of wonderful articles, content, and camaraderie on this site. Whether you are here by chance or fate, just know that we are lucky to have you here at the SCP Foundation. Since life is already full of chances and risks, why not try your luck for the SCP 7000 Contest? Writing and posting is open. You have three days, eight hours, and 40 minutes to post your article if you wish to join in. This is why we're still probably going to do this next week too so we can get everybody who is left behind. Yes. But, story number one on the list. Are these in the order of posting? There's the collapsible. It's in the order of posting. Yeah, I got the bottom. Wait a minute. Click these. Okay, in order of posting. Hallelujah. Thank you. I think we still need to go to the bottom. You got to go to the bottom? I think. Because I don't recognize... I don't recognize a lot of this. Yes, I know. Roura's article was recently posted, so they're in reverse chronological order. Correct. All right, so starting at the bottom. Can work with that, yeah. Started from the bottom now. Here we are. We got CaliVolds with Your Honor League of Legends. All right, so what it is. Let's see. Your Honor League of Legends. Yep. Perfect. Remember. Oh, that's why the page... The name stuck out. The name stuck out to me as potentially funny, so that's great. It's actually Shurf and CaliVold. All right, let me move this so it's an appropriate size for us. I'm going to be rearranging this browser for format for every article I can tell already. Yep, that's fine, you know. It's better than reading off your phone, I guess. All right. Starting at a plus 54 by Shurf and CaliVold. You want to take us from the top, Billeth? Absolutely. Item number 7000. Level four, secret. Containment class, a polyon. Disruption class, amida. Risk class, danger. Special containment procedures. SCP-7000 is impossible to contain, having been accepted into consensus reality. One sentence, containment procedures, that's pretty good. Description. SCP-7000 is a probabilistic bureaucratohazard, affecting the laws, regulations, or codes of conduct of various institutions and groups. These can include governments, corporations, religious orders, and organized crime syndicates, among other organizations, as well as relationships or friend groups, as long as some form of stated or implied moral code exists within their framework. Affected codes, though, coincidental interactions between, through coincidental interactions, between several individual rules, criminalized or disavowed individuals, who participate in the multiplayer online battle arena video game League of Legends. Punishments or retribution for playing League of Legends often tend towards severe repercussions, although torture or death, including torture or death when possible. Despite such legal interactions normally being nigh impossible to properly realize, given the precise technical nature of the law, all individuals perceiving a case where SCP-7000 may apply are fully aware of the illegality of the act, regardless of their prior legal appearance. And the image is Ryan DeAntonio, the first known League of Legends player to fall victim of SCP-7000. Very nice picture, Ryan. Addendum 700.1. The first documented instance of SCP-7000's application occurred on January 4th, 24th, 2010, in a text conversation between Ryan DeAntonio and Jesse Parks. Figured you'd appreciate this. POV, you are calamity dev fab soul.  Great. This is amazing, LOL.  What? Again? We've literally talked about this multiple times, but you still feel the need to somehow squeeze it into every conversation we have.   You keep thinking it's okay, that it's not that bad. But we both know how people like that turn out. I legit thought you were going to change.  It's no use trying to keep you clean. The game has ruined you, Ryan.   Is this some sort of joke? Jesse, you have been blocked by this number. It is believed that prior League of Legends, Parks' prior League of Legends addiction, combined with the use of the slang term LOL, footnote, an abbreviation for League of Legends. Oh, Jesus. Okay, yeah. It's an abbreviation for League of Legends, right? What's the root cause of the above incident? Addendum 7000.2. The first documented instance of SCP-7000's legal application was on November 18, 2010, during the trial of Stanley Peterson in Cleveland, Ohio. Below is a log of the relevant events. Location is an unspecified county courtroom, murmuring from the galleries heard as the court judge enters the room behind the bench. The judge takes a seat and pounds the gavel. Do you want to do a voice in this? Yeah, let's hit it. All right. Do you want to be the judge? Certainly. Okay, I'll be both lawyers for some reason. Sure. Court is now in session for the trial of Stanley Peterson. The gallery falls silent. Is the prosecution ready? Yes, Your Honor. Is the defense ready? Yes, Your Honor. The relevant log is removed. Very well. The prosecution may call its first witness. Thank you, Your Honor. The prosecution calls Mr. Russell Beckett to the stand. A man rises from the galley. He slowly makes his way over to the witness stand before turning to face the court. Please state your name for the court. My name is Russell Beckett. I work as an associate planner at the City Hall. Mr. Beckett, as you are aware, the alleged incident involving the defendant, Mr. Peterson, occurred on July 8th at approximately 642. Will you please state what you were doing during this time? Russell physically hesitates before responding. Well, you see, exactly, how relevant is the question, is this question to the case? It's you. It's your cue. Mr. Beckett, I understand that your privacy is important to you. However, I would like you to understand that this question is critical to advancing this trial. You do not have to answer if you do not wish to, but please keep this in mind. Russell sighs and collects himself before speaking again. Very well. Russell pauses for a brief moment and clears his throat. Your Honor, League of Legends. Merma's from the galley. Gallery begins to pick up again before quickly escalating into frantic shouting and panic, coupled with various members of the gallery beginning to show hostility towards the witness. Within the commotion, the sound of the gavel clash can be heard. Death! The doors of the courtroom suddenly swing open and multiple court bailiffs are seen running into the room, backed up by heavily armored guards. The bailiffs and guards grab hold of Russell, who begins to resist but is eventually overpowered. Russell is dragged out of the courtroom by bailiffs and guards, and he attempts to resist while shooting, shouting various obscenities and curses. Now, who do you think you are? I have the right to a trial and a counsel. Russell turns to the prosecutor. The prosecutor quickly turns his head away, ignoring him. This can't be happening to me. I have the right to League of Legends. Russell's screaming is heard until he is completely removed from the courtroom by the bailiffs, at which point his screams become inaudible. Russell's conviction was due to an intersection of several local, state, and federal laws, along with social conventions in the area.  Addendum 7000.3. On June 29th, 2018, Riot Games, footnote, the developer and publisher of League of Legends, introduced new workplace guidelines, which accidentally forbade the playing and mentioning of League of Legends by any of its employees. This resulted in mass confusion followed by the rapid downsizing of Riot Games before the guidelines were retracted in order to maintain profits. Notably, this incident marks the first instance where the simple mention of League of Legends is affected by SCP-7000. Addendum SCP-7000.4. On April 2nd, 2011, a news report released by the Charlotte News revealed that the Charlotte, North Carolina police force frequently used League of Legends as a method of combat training. The news sparked a statewide backlash, prompting Chief Samuel Richard to respond via Twitter. Rich Sammy at Chief Samuel Richard. Whatever the public thinks doesn't matter. My men need this training in order to combat the hoodlums on our streets. Whether you like it or not, this is important to the city. Several days of riots ensued at Charlotte PD headquarters, eventually leading to Chief Richard and several other officers resigning from the force. Despite the fact that Charlotte and North Carolina legal codes demanded that individuals playing League of Legends be punished by execution, none of the officers were prosecuted. Addendum 7000.5. On March 9th, 2013, Ryan D'Antonio, C. Addendum 7000.1, following the loss of his residence and belongings, was apprehended and taken into custody by agents of an unknown affiliation due to his prior involvement with League of Legends. Footage taken from a streetlight surveillance camera in Moscow, Idaho at approximately 11.30 p.m. D'Antonio can be seen on the corner of the intersection, sitting within a large box, holding a cardboard sign. A few people pass him over several minutes before a car parks beside him and four federal agents walk out. One of the men grabs hold of D'Antonio and throws him out of the box he was sitting in. Several muffled screams can be heard as D'Antonio attempts to fight back before he is subdued by the other men. The four agents restrain and handcuff D'Antonio before lifting him from off the ground, catching him to the vehicle. Scouting cries can be heard for several seconds afterwards before they drive away. D'Antonio's fate is unknown. Addendum 7000.6 Following a summit by the United Nations, a general assembly adopted the Convention of League of Legends 2022, following exploration of a law established by prior treaties, including the International Convention of the Elimination of All Formations from 1965. Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, 1979. Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities, 2006. United Nations Convention on Contracts for the International Carriage of Goods wholly or partly by C, 2008. The convention fully recognized the illegality and morality of the act of playing League of Legends, defining all players as members of a terrorist movement, and authorizing all nations to eliminate them by any means necessary. That was good. Addendum 7000.7 On May 5th, 2023, with the activation of Project Damarung, the SCP Foundation was able to develop a definitive account of post-mortal life. Agent Bell manifests in the post-mortal plane. Agent Bell's physical body and primary sole complex remain on the mortal plane, allowing him to perceive and explore the afterlife without interacting with or being perceived by its occupants. In an empty field, he's standing next to a long line of people in grey robes heading towards a pair of arches. Agent Bell approaches the arches. Between them stands a single person, a dark-skinned bald man wearing a suit. Several keys are attached to his body and close at various locations. The arch on the right accesses a path which leads towards a futuristic city several miles away. Behind the arch on the left lies an immense pit, the bottom of which is unseen. Individuals approach the man one at a time. He holds a key towards each person, and after a few moments lets them pass to the arch on the right. Very rarely an individual is not allowed to pass to the right arch, but is instead pulled through the left arch and into the pit as determined that they are all deceased individuals who own League of Legends accounts. The wider theological implications of the relationship between the afterlife and League of Legends is unknown. Members of the Department of Tactical Theology are currently analyzing religious texts in order to determine what doctrine would result in such post-mortal judgment. Wow. Alright, I need to go back to the top for a second. I need to read the description one more time because let me read this out loud for myself because I need to make sure I understand this. Go ahead. I also know something that might help if you don't know that term. It's been used before. Go ahead. I see that. Absolutely. There's a an early footnote in the SCP integer that just says bureaucrat hazards are a subset of semi-o-hazard affecting bureaucratic systems. Semi-o-hazards being the space by which information can travel through symbols and signs. It's just like words or actions or anything. Means of communicating info. It's a type of info-hazard, I would say. How strange. The escalation on this one was pretty funny. I like the subversion with the United Nations that their assembly was so funny. Agreed. The ending was a little odd. I guess the implication being that it is infecting these other systems of government in the afterlife since it's a bureaucrat hazard. I guess that's the gist. I don't know.  It's funny. It's just so there. I can't taste it right now. There's something about it. I think it's the other way around. They're very rarely pulled to the left pit and inside. They all go to heaven. The futuristic city that is on the shining hill and whatever that is. I had that backwards. I think that would be the natural conclusion given the actual anomaly. It's turning systems negatively towards it. It doesn't impact it fully. I don't know. I don't know. That's a strange one. A good start though, I guess. Wait a minute. Reading the suits. Several keys are attached. Individuals approach. It's a key toward each person. The city on the hill close various occasions. Futuristic city, immense pit. Very rarely an individual is not allowed to pass through the right arch and is instead pulled through the left arch and into the pit. Facial recognition analysis of individuals pulled into the pit shows that they're League of Legends players.  So it says the arch on the right and is instead pulled through the left arch and into the pit. Very rarely is not allowed to pass through the right arch. Very rarely an individual is not allowed to pass through the right arch and is instead pulled into the pit. So they're all League of Legends? Everyone plays League of Legends? I don't understand. Is that me?  They're pit. It shows that all people at least individuals who own League of Legends are pulled into the pit. So the wording is a little strange then. It's very rarely. Honestly, I think this is more clean cut than my brain is allowing it to be right now just because we're just getting started and I'm not warmed up. I don't know. I think it's a little ambiguous, but I think you're right. I think that's the intended interpretation. So yeah. Alright, so either way, this is entertaining to me. It is wild as a concept to me, just like it's almost trolling. It's almost a little like ribbing. It does its job very well and that's something that's a very big thing for me when I look at articles. Even if it's not my flavor of thing that I like, I like it too if it does its job correctly. And this definitely does. It hits its marks. I think the only reason I didn't understand that is because I was confused about the whole thing from the beginning. But I will upvote this. I liked it and I liked the humor and the trial. We went through the trial. We went even in the afterlife. They're boned. Okay, one other thing is like how is it a probable... I guess it only affects certain League of Legends players? Is that why it's probabilistic? That was my question actually. You hit the nail on the head. Why is it a probabilistic bureaucratohazard? It affects laws, regulations, codes of conduct, various institutions and groups. It turns them against League of Legends players. It doesn't do that by a certain percentage I don't think. I'm just looking. It feels like the word probabilistic is added on there. If I take it out, bureaucratohazard. I don't know how you would warn that any different for a phenomenon associated with luck. Is the probability that it hits because it hits all League of Legends players because it changes the laws? I guess because they didn't all happen at once. You could say that there is a chance of it happening. Maybe that chance goes up over time. Because it's not like I said, if everyone all of a sudden all at once started hating on League of Legends players, then I would say it's 100% chance of it occurring. It's not probabilistic. I guess the lack of talking about the actual probabilistic side of the anomaly is throwing me off. But if I look at it objectively, there is a chance that the phenomenon just doesn't happen because I'm assuming a lot of people are talking about League of Legends when this first case happens. Why is he selected over somebody else? I guess it's the... Maybe, maybe. I don't know. That is one thing that I've been concerned with is the inclusion of luck into an already existing phenomenon. Yeah, that should be something we look at as we think. How is luck intrinsic to this article? How does it work the theme? If this is on the main list, I definitely would upvote it. We're not voting on just the main list. We're voting on what we think should be SCP-7000. See, I think it's the opposite. When I approach these, I actually just upvote them as articles. I kind of hope that everyone does that and then the best one will win that way. I don't really think about it in terms of the competition. Fair enough. I guess I've never gone through every single one before. That makes more sense when you're taking them all as one. Alright gang, real quick before we move on the next one, remember we are doing this for our buddy Dr. Sumerian whose house tried to kill it. Kill it? He's a it now. Sorry. The house is the yet. It tried to kill him, but it missed. Luckily, our refreshing to go fund me now. We were at 2558 and as it refreshes and my internet's nice and slow. Oh no, it's good. We're still at 25 at D8. No donations at SCP. Get on it everybody, links in the description. There was 13 recent donations, so it's still going, going, going, but yeah, there was a little bit of a lull there. It's fine. I donated 200 bucks to be top donor and then Afrey came at it and topped me, the bastards. You generous bastards. Rough. I'm glad that you, I'm happy that you did so, but at the same time you know, it's not about being top donor. All right, here we go into round two. Clicking to see the entries in order of posting. Go down to the bottom. We are now doing SCP 7000, Luck of the Irish by Staffer. A lot of people don't realize that Luck of the Irish is a bad thing. We'll have to see. Now we're going to find out. All right, from the top, once I get the browser the right size nice and pretty. SCP 7000, Luck of the Irish by Staffer. Item number, SCP 7000 Object class, neutralized Special Containment Procedures SCP 7000 is buried in a cockroach old cemetery. Oh God, I'm going to butcher some of this now. Pictured SCP 7000 Smiling Description, SCP 7000 was Donovan Hanlon, an Australian male of Irish heritage with the ability to subconsciously manipulate probability. Whenever SCP 7000 was in a situation with multiple possible outcomes the outcome that SCP 7000 would deem to be the best option occurred. Due to this effect, SCP 7000's health did not degrade during its time in Foundation custody. The plaid vests that SCP 7000 wore at all times had a four leaf clover pinned to it. It was expected to be the source of its powers although it shows no anomalous properties when utilized by anyone other than SCP 7000. During its containment SCP 7000 refused all requests to remove the jacket. Addendum 7000.1 Associated Phenomena After records of the same individual dating back to 1754 were discovered Foundation agents were dispatched to record SCP 7000's daily life to check for any abnormal incidents. Date 5th May 23rd 2002 Location Melbourne, Australia SCP 7000 is walking down the street when it encounters a young woman selecting bananas from the sidewalk corner store. Try one of these, lass.  Okay, thanks. SCP 7000 then smiles and continues walking. Date 28th May 2002 Location SCP 7000 plays a slot machine winning 1.3 million dollars. Date 13th June 2002 Location Castle, Maine Footnote A small town outside of Melbourne SCP 7000 and its husband Footnote According to courthouse records from both Ireland and Australia SCP 7000's 17th spouse Oliver are walking down the street Say a trip isn't too stressful A day trip an hour away from home is a lot different than going back to old Ireland, Oliver Oh, the accent's the worst Worst accents ever I know that I'm just so sure they'd be excited to meet you I know It's just a worry I've got in the back of my head I would come with you You're not alone in this, Don SCP 7000 hangs its head looking down to notice a quarter on the sidewalk Oh, look at that A lucky penny It's a quarter, Oliver Still, it's a good omen Date 18th of July 2002 Location Melbourne SCP 7000 is approaching a crosswalk Agent Harrison attempting to trail it approaches too closely and is noticed by SCP 7000 Let me get that for you SCP 7000 attempts to press the crosswalk button but it's unable to activate the device It's alright I'll just get the button That yank I might not be hitting this button but that means you won't be either, Sutton I'd really like to cross the street A three car collision occurs in the middle of the intersection Ah, there she is I just had to press it in the centre there Date 17th of February 2003 Location Footnote A local coffee shop Barista speaks first Donovan, nice to see you It's been a while hasn't it Thought it has, Charlotte, thought it has I've just had a lot on my mind I like the usual Well, it must be your lucky day because it's the first time since you were last here that the hot chocolate's on special As the barista is preparing the drink so she can get stuck causing her to add twice the normal amount of whipped cream Oliver told me you're headed out to Ireland tomorrow I'll miss chatting with you, Meg That's right, these people are Australian I gotta think of that Thank you, Charlotte I appreciate every one of our talks 28th of February 2003 Tula Marine Airport SCP-7000 and its husband enter the airport I know you're Crikey, Crikey Get in the right accent I know you're confident in your abilities In your abilities I still think we should have booked our tickets Don't you worry, Oliver I should have turned out alright Now they're both Australian Ireland at the same time Both approach the desk Hello, you want to check in your baggage today? Actually, we're hoping to book a flight with you And where is it you'll be traveling? Cork International Airport You seem to be in luck There are just two tickets left They're just two tickets left for a direct flight from Malta Oakh We'll take them Actually, looking outside Seems the storm's rolling in Due to a sudden Emergency of a storm, Foundation agents confirmed SCP-7000's anomalous abilities And were able to apprehend it before it boarded its flight SCP-7000.2 Interview Logs The following is an excerpt from SCP-7000's weekly therapy sessions Give me a second I need to drink a water Understandable Probably did better with those accidents that I would have done It's fine Say one more time So you did better with those accidents that I would have done I am sorry for the international incident I have caused this day I do not mean to insult every country How about You do The doctors and I'll stick with All Irish, sound good? Good evening, Donovan Footnote Use of SCP-7000's given name Was allowed due to it helping SCP-7000's mental state How's your day been so far? I guess it's been okay Say more, say more Now it's been a while since we talked about the other day You were here The day you arrived here Am I correct in thinking that you were headed back To Ireland to visit your descendants Aye, that was it There's got to be my first time back then I guess it's been 100 years or so I suppose I wasn't too ready for the trip Don, did you cause that storm? Honestly, I couldn't tell you These powers I'm not in control of Things just sort of turned out well It should have cleared up We should have been able to make it to all Ireland Don, did you want to go to your homeland? That'd be a troubling thought, don't it? It's not that I don't want to see him It's just, it's been so long The following interview was conducted Four years after her initial containment Ten minutes before the cessation of SCP-7000's anomalous properties Thanks for taking the time to talk with me Anytime, Donovan I've had a lot of time to think since you locked me up in here I think I've made my decision Kepler, you haven't been in a moment of your life Well, you know you only had two options I can't say that I have, no Why, a wee lad like yourself probably hasn't I'm 56 It's beside the point I've come to a decision about this place doctor I need to leave I'm sorry Don, but you know we can't do that You're an anomaly, anomalies don't really leave this place I might be aware of that There don't be anything normal about me There don't be anything normal about me anymore I've had my time I now hold I should look, but You'd let me leave you if I didn't have the powers, wouldn't you? You know, likelihood, but I don't see why that's relevant I won't be around for much longer now If I don't make it long enough, I beg ya Tell Ollie I love him SCP-7000 stood up leaving its jacket hanging on the chair The interview concluded and SCP-7000 returned to its chamber without incident The jacket was placed in temporary storage until required again The following day, tests performed on SCP-7000 determined that its anomalous properties to be neutralized Due to its cooperative nature and the rapid decay of its body due to the cessation of anomalous intervention SCP-7000 was allowed to leave the containment with Foundation Escort SCP-7000 flew to Ireland and reunited with its seventh great-grandchildren Footnote Although SCP-7000 was not allowed to disclose to them this relation due to its normally impossible nature Two days after this, it expired Its husband Oliver buried it alongside all previous generations of the Handlin family In the Cahargg Old Cemetery With the clover from its jacket planted over its grave Aw That was cute I liked that very much That was cute Early on, when it started, this guy's just abnormally lucky I was like, alright, very simple concept I had to do something interesting to make me like this And then they did by making him a sweet old guy with a cute husband Hooray I think I sort of called it when I was like, oh, he's neutralized And he's buried in a regular cemetery And I read his effect, I was retroactively thinking He probably chose to not have his powers or something like that And then like, I was thinking that he was just going to get accidentally killed by something Like just some random occurrence But that would have been a little bit of a tonal whiplash for what was to follow So I'm glad that he didn't Alright, I'm happy with that I'll give that one my upvote I'll give that an update for sure Checking in on Dr. Samarian Make sure you go to the GoFundMe link in the description of this very stream To donate to our good buddy, good pal, who was almost killed by a house As houses are known to do Yeah Especially those rounder houses Gotta be careful with those Yes, rounder houses, yeah Luckily, you can see the rounder houses a mile away because they have their name printed on the side of them Multiple times I actually really like rounder houses, style of self-emotion, maximalism, he says I like it Entries in order of posting Next on our list SEB7000 The Hungry Season by Big Sloth on my face Big Sloth Okay Let me adjust the size for our viewers Very dark format Yeah, there's no sidebar Interesting, I gotta shrink this You can pull it up, I actually do like that feature The menu, that lets you pull up the sidebar It's one of the nicer features that you can add With a theme, cool Alright, take us away buddy Alright By order of the Overseer Council This document describes an ongoing EK class Scorched Earth event Upon accessing this file You may track your biosignature for up to 72 hours L4-7000 So level 47000 And Agree and continue Embedding, please stand by Item number 7000 Level 4, Secret Containment class, Esoteric Secondary class, Tiamat I think that exists, I'll have to look that one up Disruption class, Amida Risk class, Critical The image, Sydney Harbor during incident 7000-146 18 August 2022 Special continuing procedures SCP-7000's wish must not be granted Personnel found to be working for the benefit of SCP-7000 Are considered complicit in an ongoing EK class event And are to be confined to quarters until project Ricochet is completed SCP-7000-1 has made SCP-7000's approach common knowledge among the general public No effort is to be expended attempting to conceal it Instead, main containment efforts are to focus on diverting the anomaly before it reaches Parahelion Foundations sponsored commestible supply lines have been established on every continent Each line currently carries sufficient lab synthesized food to feed 100 million stricken out 200 million is stricken out, 350 million people At least every 3 days Victims of SCP-7000-1 compulsion may require force feeding Consult document 7000.ii or 2-v1 for guidance and best practices Description SCP-7000 designates Comet C-222-i-1 An interstellar rogue comet believed to have entered the sole system on 3 January SCP-7000 will reach Parahelion on 29 November 2022 And make its closest approach to our world on 9 December If left unchecked, the object will draw within 2.1LD The closest approach by a near earth object in recorded history Preventing this approach is the primary objective of project Ricochet, see below Through an unknown mechanism, an increasing portion of the planet earth has become subject to desertification As SCP-1000 approaches An estimated 48% of the planet's fertile soil has already been converted to arid desert Researches estimate full conversion will occur during or shortly after SCP-7000's The December 9th approach Other effects include Crop blight, spontaneous combustion and desiccation of crops Acidification and salinization of fertile soil Intercontinental dust and firestorms impacting major population centers The gradual collapse of Earth's magnetosphere These effects have worsened as SCP-7000 nears our planet See Addendum 1 for full account of the object's environmental impact Spectrographic analysis has shown that SCP-7000 possesses a hearther to unseen composition for a comet of its kind The molar ratio of carbon to water in C slash 2022 I1's tail is 95 to 105% In stark contrast to an average ratio of 4 to 105% for solar system comets Furthermore, while the object appears depleted in diatomic carbon C2 It is enriched in refined materials such as iodized copper and silicate SiO4 Compounds not typically found in interstellar objects Finally, imaging suggests that the majority of SCP-7000's interior is hollow These factors have led researchers to speculate that the object may be at least partially artificial in origin SCP-7000-1 refers to the recurring dream experienced by an increasing portion of the human population since SCP-7000 entered into our solar system SCP-7000-1 is a class II cognitive hazard Cognitive resistance value directly correlates with likelihood of experiencing the dream pattern Currently, a CRV of 11 or higher is needed to resist the SCP-7000-1 manifestation Up from a CRV of 2 in early January SCP-7000-1's pattern consists of several associated images and ideas A verdant green planet of unknown position and origin SCP-7000 itself, typically floating or flying through space An ambiguous desire or need possessed by which comet and or of the unknown planet The desire is often described by victims as a wish which must be granted The Sun and Earth from SCP-7000's current location Channels of luminous matter or energy flowing between Earth and the unknown planet Repeated exposure to SCP-7000-1 produces conviction that SCP-7000 is a benevolent force and appears to compel victims to work to fulfill the wish expressed in their dreams Amnestics provide only temporary relief as subsequent experiences of SCP-7000-1 simply reintroduce these concepts Those compelled by SCP-7000-1 typically seek to grow and produce crops, particularly grains, vegetables and other common foodstuffs using any resources at their disposal Victims do not consume these products for themselves but instead abandon their fields before harvest beginning the planting process again in a new location Victims forcibly resist attempts to stop them from working or to harvest their crops and often work without regard for their own health or needs Death by exhaustion and starvation is a common outcome of advanced SCP-7000-1 affliction Following description of SCP-7000-1 was produced by Mimetic's researcher, Grant Williams, on 6th January 2002 Like most of humanity, Willis had experienced SCP-7000-1 for three nights prior to composing this account However, unlike nearly all other Foundation employees, Willis did not possess a CRV sufficient to resist the effects Rise to notice, the below document has been scanned and stripped of a medic corruption by Foundation AICs but remains off limits to any personnel with lowered CRVs Please review with caution Three days ago I had a dream The next night I had it again and again the third night Please God, may I continue to have it In the dream there is a comet but it is more than this It is a celestial fireball beyond words burning in the depths of space It is a gargantuan, grotesque and beautiful It is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen The comet has traveled far and must travel further still I sense its struggle It burns without end on through the void eternal What does it seek? I can feel that there is something A great need unfulfilled Purpose beyond my comprehension I yearn to help it but know not what I can do I am distraught For I exist to work for the comet and for its creators Its creators I see their world so far away so much brighter and better than my own They have you, they who have made something so beautiful and sent it to us They are entitled to all that I have Perhaps this is what I can do Yes They are entitled to the sweat of my brow and to my body and my blood to all I have produced and can never produce I give it to them freely and without regret They smile upon me This must mean I am right I can see my energy, the spirit of my world flowing to them I am not told in vain For they will benefit from that which I make I have granted their wish This thought that gives me peace But this thought gives me peace But it does not set my desire For I have a wish also A wish to burn as it does To burn with the comet and to give myself until there is no more It belongs to me surely as I belong to it I am what it deserves and I will burn with it It is mine, it is mine and I am theirs and it is coming for me Addendum 1 Environmental Impacts SCP-7000 is a class 11 Class 11 Thaumaturgic Envirohazard How SCP-7000 produces its adverse effects as well as their intended purpose if one exists is unknown However, each effect tracks differently with the comet's approach to our planet 1. Blight SCP-7000 causes rapid withering of crops especially those near harvest Crops appear to desiccate spontaneously over a period of three to seven days though the effect has been observed to occur in as little as 30 minutes High yield nutritional crops including soy and corn are most affected in images corn crops in middle stage of SCP-7000 Blight In the first month after entering the solar system, SCP-7000 blighted a total of 20 million metric tons of agricultural product In July, the object blighted an estimated 250 million cubic tons approximately 71% of the total output of all planet's farms combined Wow Wheat farmer Mu Yang Zhao described the visible impact of SCP-7000 on its crops to Foundation researchers on 20 May 2022 We woke up yesterday morning to a rustling sound like sticks in a high wind We couldn't figure out what it was until we looked out at the fields There we saw every plant standing on end with a string The stalks were dancing around and shaking bumping into each other The sound they made was bizarre Twigs clattering around in the cart maybe is a way to imagine it And then there was the stream, a steam Every plant was letting off mist like a hot kettle Not burning, mind just drying up All of their water was gone by the end of the day First the wheat turned yellow then brown then grey and black It's gone, it's gone All dusty now It's gone all dusty now My boy picked some up and hasn't been able to get it off his hand in three days of scrubbing Crops produced under SCP-7000-1 Compulsion experience Blight and withering at a greatly increased rate Two, nutrient depletion SCP-7000 renders previously fertile soil unusable Land is depleted of all vital components including potassium, phosphorus and zinc as well as binding agents soil into dusty granular chunks which break apart on contact Salonization has been recorded more rarely and acidification in at least one case Soil is rendered infertile on an exponential cycle as SCP-7000 nears Earth The progression to date has seen the object move from parching 14,000 acres of land in January to nearly 206 million acres in July alone SCP-7000 impacted soil should not be handled with bare hands Three, drought 70% of Earth's surface is currently experiencing extreme drought due to SCP-7000 The comet appears to disrupt rainfall and weather patterns depriving the soil of moisture on a continental scale Drought prevents desertified soil from recovering and drastically increases the risk of fire and dust storms Major population centers in 96 nations have been under storm watch for at least six weeks while an estimated 988 million acres of forest have been burned to date Disruption of the magnetosphere SCP-7000 has weakened the Earth's magnetic field by a factor of three The relationship of this effect to the comet's other impacts is unknown Disruption of the magnetosphere significantly impacts the planet's ability to resist solar radiation and other disruptive phenomena imperiling global technology and satellite systems These factors have led to the foundation to coordinate its response entirely by using ground-based communication systems following slow response by 17% Though SCP-7000 affects many aspects of data-day human life mass starvation is the foundation's primary concern Approximately 2.5 billion people now experience food scarcity due to the anomaly and many more refuse to feed themselves because of ongoing SCP-7000-1 compulsion Addendum 2, Project Ricochet Project Ricochet is a joint foundation global occult coalition effort to deflect SCP-7000 from its current course prior to December 9th priced with December 9th near-Earth approach Should the project achieve success it may preserve as much as 33% of the planet's fertile soil from desertification and name-ling the continued survival of the human race Project Ricochet has two main arms primary arm, deploy a team deploy a team of agents directly to SCP-7000 to implant experimental technology A manned mission to research SCP-7000 will allow placement of prototype matter displacement systems, MDS, on the object's surface said systems will redirect SCP-7000 away from Earth and into the collision course with the Sun dispatching the threat These systems require delicate handling and may not easily be deployed remotely Secondary arm, prepare backup countermeasures should manned missions fail Should placement or operation of the MDS fail emergency procedures measures must be prepared to destroy the comet prior to its closest approach These measures include heavy weapons barrage from a second-generation high-energy railgun system and that is SCP-5001 developed for deployment beyond Earth The high-energy concentration interplanetary railgun H-E-C-I-R I don't know if I read that Project Ricochet's status is approved Joint Task Force will begin operations 1 October 22nd from Foundation Site-02 Addendum 3, Project Ricochet Timeline 1 October 2022 Task Force begins preparation for Project Ricochet SCP-7000 current distance is 419 million miles 48% of fertile soil on the planet has been converted by the object 7 October SCP-1396-1 appears to track SCP-7000 as it moves near Jupiter Its weapons systems briefly come online but then depower, it takes no further action SCP-1396 is weaponized artificial satellites 18 October 2022 Dust storms cause significant damage to southern Australian infrastructure multiple Foundation sites lose contact 23 October MDS system and launch vehicle near completion concurrently H-E-C-I-R begins to relocation to L4 Lagrange Point to intercept SCP-7000's primary arm fail 51% of fertile soil on the planet has been converted by the object 26 October MDS and launch vehicle complete widespread acidification of crops and Indian subcontract due in part to over farming by victims of SCP-7000-1 masturbation expected within 8 weeks SCP-7000 distance is 376 million miles 1 November 5 o'clock Project Ricochet primary team launches towards SCP-7000 aboard at GOC Olympus launch vehicle expected transit time using subliminal warp drive is 16 hours Though activation of MDS systems should take little time team is prepared with supply sufficient to last 6 weeks and equipped with advanced telepathic shielding 1 November at 21 hours 8 minutes primary team drops out of warp near surface of the object despite shielding team reports immediate nausea and lethargy but advises that they can proceed as planned 1 October at 2200 hours 1 minutes primary team touched down on surface of SCP-7000 16% of human population experiences sudden loss of consciousness heavy distortion and communications channels 1 November 22 hours in 3 minutes primary team transmit photographs of SCP-7000 surface photos indicate multiple advanced devices at colossal scale purpose of same remains unclear team advised to proceed with caution 1 November 22 hours 9 minutes acid rainfall reported over 71% of North America magnetic field distortions unconscious portion of human population enters spontaneous REM sleep 1 November 22 hours 18 minutes primary team advises that MDS units have been placed and powered on activation time is set for 5 minutes team proceeds towards evacuation vehicle 1 November 22 hours 20 minutes primary team report loss of 2 members including team lead heavy distortion prevents team from communicating cause 1 November 22 hours 21 minutes communication with primary team lost 1 November 22 hours 22 minutes inbuilt monitors indicate MDS system have been manually disabled SCP-02 unable to re-establish contact with them 1 November 23 hours 51 minutes single continuous transmission received from primary team heavily cucking to hazardous message consists of words it's and redacted it's W redacted repeated 1136 times radio channels are closed after 6 hours project ricochet primary arm declared failed 2 November at 11 hours and 8 minutes SCP-7000 distance 342 million miles 54% of fertile soil on the planet has been converted by the object we're continuing 2 November individuals rendered unconscious during 1 November indecent wake each reports experiencing a modified version of SCP-7000-1 in addition to previous images those affected also witness project ricochet primary team launch and approach affected individuals explicitly identify the team and the foundation as hostile it's a long one great alright 3 November modified SCP-7000-1 replaces people original for all people when they next fall asleep high level BK class broken masquerade scenario declared 18 November HECIR reaches L4 Lagrange point SCP-7000 distance is 158 million miles it's coming up 19 November wildfire breaks out 4 miles south of SCP-02 in the redacted forest pause unknown 21 November SCP-7000-1 increases in strength all individuals CRV below 20 now experienced cognitive hazardous effects including some 2 thirds of foundation staff SCP-7000 distance is 226 million miles oh it's going away alright so 25 November 60% of fertile soil on the planet has been converted by the object 27 November attacks following BK class event near Render Foundation civilian supply lines useless alternative measures sought to transport food masturbation events common in most population centers this is rough it's a lot that's a lot places on the next line it seems like the 226 million miles was a typo and it should be 126 I thought maybe going around something like that let's see at 29 November SCP-7000 reaches perihelion distance from earth is 86 million miles object now within 1 million miles of HECIRs effective range 29 November further modifications to SCP-7000-1 dream now transmit awareness of HECIR as well as exact location of foundation site 0-2 29 November at 0700 hours and 14 minutes SCP-7000 enters HECIR effective range project ricochet secondary arm is go targeting coordinates transmitted 29 November 7 hours and 17 minutes power outage reported at multiple sites including site 0-2 numerous figures cited in redacted forest rapidly approaching site 29 November at 700 hours and 19 minutes emergency power online HECIR begins calibration for firing 29 November 7 hours and 20 minutes site 0-2 automated defense is triggered estimated 17,000 individuals trigger as an estimated 17,000 individuals emerge from the forest boundary HECIR combination of calibration at 50% 29 November at 0700 hours and 21 minutes 4,000 individuals successfully reach site 0-2 perimeter wall HECIR calibration at 98% 29 November at 0700 hours and 22 minutes HECIR fires 29 November at 0700 hours and 24 minutes HECIR valley misses SCP-7000 investigation confirms incorrect coordinates were sent by project ricochet central command 29 November 700 hours and 25 minutes project ricochet central command transit message GR redacted T as two words to all foundation sites within range 29 November 0700 hours and 28 minutes salience breach site 0-2 perimeter HECIR fails to begin recalibration and 29 November at 0700 hours and 47 minutes site 0-2 considered lost project ricochet secondary arm declared failed by 29 November at 0700 hours and 47 minutes alternatives under consideration SCP-7000 distance is 83 million miles 30 November most remaining foundation sites overtaken by attacks GOC and other allied groups of interest unresponsive or hostile 3 December 70% of fertile soil on the planet has been converted by the object 5 December SCP-7000-1 increases in strength all individuals with CRV below 50 now experience cognitive hazardous effects including 98% of remaining foundation staff SCP-7000 distance is 31 million miles 8 December satellite imaging suggests nearly all remaining landmass has been co-opted for use as farmland by victims of SCP-7000-1 convulsion continental scale dust storms can complicate further imaging past this point 8 December foundation site 0-1 overtaken by attacks SCP-7000 distance is 5 million miles 9 December Earth's magnetic fields completed to 1-100th of original strength solar radiation disables global communication and positioning systems SCP-7000 distance is 2 million miles 9 December entirety of human population 7000-1 compulsion automated tracking systems engage 9 December at 10 hours SCP-7000 distance is 800,000 miles picking up 9 December at 1100 hours SCP-7000 distance is 75,000 miles 9 December at 1200 hours SCP-7000 distance is 700,000 miles ooh nice little line up there 9 December at 1300 hours, SCP-7000 distance is 65,000 miles at 9 December of 1400 hours SCP-7000 distance is 600,000 miles 9 December 1500 hours SCP-7000 distance is 555,000 miles closest approach distance in 2 hours I hope so 9 December 1600 hours SCP-7000 distance is 500,000 miles closest approach distance in 1 hour SCP- sorry 9 December 2022 ok we got the year in there now 9 December 2022 at 16 hours and 31 minutes 2 members of project ricochet primary team suspected killed in action during initial landing attempt re-establish radio contact attempt to hail site 02 are met with automated response SCP-7000 closest approach distance in 29 minutes 9 December 2022 at 1600 hours and 38 minutes monitoring indicates MBS units placed by primary team have been reactivated 9 December 2022 16 hours and 1600 hours and 46 minutes return vehicle launch detected on SCP-7000 surface 9 December 2022 at 1600 hours and 48 minutes MDS systems placed by project ricochet primary team activate SCP-7000 displaced 9 December 2022 at 1600 hours and 49 minutes SCP-7000 confirmed neutralized in direct collision with the sun 9 December 2022 is the first rainfall in 16 weeks recorded on the planet earth it says 10-4 primary team briefing attention level 5 eyes only I will hydrate thank you we're almost done I think there's a bit left but we got this project ricochet project ricochet primary launch team members alpha and bravo return to earth on 9 December 2022 after surviving on the surface of SCP-7000 for 39 days after 2 week quarantine COVID on the comment as well the pair was debriefed they indicated team members charlie and delta presumably under telepathic compulsion had attacked them shortly after they placed the MDS units alpha they've been acting weird ever since we dropped out of warp I think their telekill was faulty telekill? I haven't seen that since series 1 bravo we'd split our equipment up and charlie had all our weapons she got me pretty good with her knife when I turned my back but the suit saved me I owned engineering big time for that we fought back of course but they were stronger not just normal strong either no offense to them but I'd take myself in a scuffle any day but I'd take myself in a scuffle okay but once whatever got in their heads took over they went wild I took a punch from delta and it was like getting hit by a car must have knocked me 30 feet in that low grab alpha and bravo escaped down a tunnel on the surface of scp 7000 but were trapped when their teammates sealed the entrance unable to clear the way the pair decided to explore the interior and await the second stage of project ricochet we knew that hcr was going to blow that comet to kingdom come in about a month we also knew commands main plan had failed pretty much immediately and we weren't convinced charlie and delta wouldn't do something to mess with the backup plan too you were correct we found a way to send information about the foundation through scp 7000-1 right so we decided to wait it out explore what we could and be around to try something if hcr didn't get the job done we had our rations thank god and enough oxygen to keep us going till the end you would have died when hcr hcr destroyed the comet yeah well we were dead anyway we thought charlie and delta would destroy the mds units and probably return their return vehicle too and even if they hadn't getting back to the ship would have meant fighting and i didn't fancy my odds in disagreement with charlie's guns after hcr failed to eliminate scp 7000 alpha and bravo reassessed their situation they realized they could use the remaining backup oxygen canister kept under enormous pressure as a makeshift explosive to free themselves from the cave from there they would attempt to fight their teammates and repair the mds devices if possible there you go alright and the pair successfully detonated their oxygen canister clearing their path clearing a path out believing them with only a few hours of remaining air we didn't know what to expect when we got topside we couldn't hear much from the ground but we got the impression charlie and delta had been making something there was a lot of scraping and digging we could feel the ground shift from time to time and what did you find alpha and bravo glanced at each other i guess you could call it a farm on the comet how was that possible it wasn't much of a farm put it that way under intense compulsion from scp 7000-1 charlie and delta had attempted to produce crops on the comet's surface alpha and bravo estimated that their colleagues had converted as much as 35% of the objects crust using their bare hands alone they dug a neat rose one after another when they were done with that they started dropping pebbles in the dirt like seeds just stuff they'd gathered from the ground and then covered up and started a new row having gone that way for weeks everything we could see on the horizon was covered with their fields so close up to 7000 they must have gotten the itch real bad interviewer i see were you able to overpower them silence alpha as they dug they'd done a lot of damage to themselves it wasn't much of a fight alpha and bravo found that their teammate had not damaged the return vehicle or the mds units they were able to activate the mds and escape 15 minutes before scp 7000 released its closest approach to earth by the way we took plenty of photos down in that cave you had a chance to look this over yes we have thank you no problem can't say do anything to me maybe you all can make something of it that we couldn't addendum 5 nature of scp 7000 both analysis of prior imaging and the photographs collected by project ricochet's primary landing team suggest that scp 7000 was created by an intelligent non-human race with the purpose of resource gathering key evidence includes radiographic sonar on object to hollow beyond depth of 75 meters spectrography object was composed largely of synthetic metallic materials beneath thin rocky crust photographs object possessed multiple gigatron scale energy collection and storage systems of unknown make and purpose equipment bore similarity to scp redacted suggesting capacity to remotely harvest the chemical potential photographs object household components for long distance travel and communication with unknown extra solar entities foundation exophysicist speculate that scp 7000 was intentionally directed towards a developed planet and that its cognitohazards were intended both to prevent obstruction of its goals and to compel its victims to produce additional harvest further research is ongoing scp 7000 desertified 75% of earth's surface before its neutralization however the effects of the comet now absent research believed that the majority of the soil can be restored to fertility within 15 to 20 years furthermore the conversion of much of earth's remaining soil to farmland by victims of scp 7000-1 has done an unexpected benefit food scarcity in the wake of the event has decreased substantially as a greater number of territories now rely on locally produced resources addendum 6 scp 7000-1 final transmission on 31 December 22nd earth's remaining population experienced an additional instance of scp 7000-1 as scp 7000 have been neutralized several weeks prior the origin of this dream is unknown 7000-1 slash 31 December 22nd description dream depicts a verdant green planet in a distance ahead of it traveling away into space is a group of at least 200 comets upon waking all those who experience the dream recall hearing the phrase grant our wish spoken in their native language hmm okay, a little white space down here there's nothing hidden there alright wow that was a that was like reading a textbook there's a lot of stuff going on there a lot of good stuff a lot of stuff I liked hit me with a little bit of that Armageddon vibe yeah, some of this stuff was a little wordy I feel like the team probably would work with a some sort of nickname for the HECIR rather than just saying the acronym every single time but maybe they use that that's fine the way this goes very like this reads to me like an alternate universe when day breaks a little bit yeah, I got that kind of vibe as well um structurally speaking the thing that sticks with me is that it is long it's very long, yeah the second collapsible could have been pared down but at the same time the imagery is very good they clearly had this whole thing mapped out in their head I like the the exoplanet that stuff is very cool the descriptions of that the descriptions of the patterns and the dreams I wondered the end here with the final dream sequence that most of Earth's remaining population experienced the transmission if they had that sort of technology you'd think that they would have used it earlier on since it seemed like they got stronger and stronger as the comet approached Earth it felt like they had this suddenly I guess it's because it's 11 of them or like 200 comments they're all coming at you I guess because the combined power that could be enough to hit everyone at once I don't know here comes round 2, the sequel yeah so thank you linear well hydrate but yeah I liked it I liked this story, I liked everything I do think that it could have been pared down a little bit it's a little bit yeah the really like I was with the story a lot of it feels like it would fare better if it was in a format that we I almost feel like the only time I like really got excited by it was as like all of humanity's done and we're counting down the last miles then I was like okay okay I'm getting like the suspense is ratcheting up right I wasn't expecting them to to prevent the to save the day at the end I guess like there's that subversion but there's also like there's what you expect to happen just like logically but I guess that's a probabilistic set it's like the nick of time they came through I say is that what the luck is that the thing is that it's luck it's not just probabilistic because there is like oh yeah it affects a certain portion of people as well but the luck I guess would be in like how they just got they got out of this seemingly impossible situation you know like right right in the nick of time and then here we go again oh boy I mean the first one was a polygon that I read this one was basically a polygon but I'm gonna see what the I have the comprehensive list of esoteric classes unless you know I'll top your head because I because I pulled up here so I see Tiamat here we are if item possesses an immediate threat to humanity but can be contained via open warfare other veil breaking operations okay yeah yeah I can see that the the cross links were pretty we're pretty mild I saw the 5001 mechanical structure right interesting I have yet to read 5000 I think I need to read that 1396 I've read before though that's the satellite weaponry what's your uh what's your verdict when I come to voting I like to think A do I like it and if I don't like it is it at least good enough to deserve to be on the site and I think this deserves to be on the site this is not my cup of tea but it did its job I can see all the moving parts yeah I mean I so I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say I you know that this is to this is too wordy because like I mean I write wordy things all the time it's you know I I like putting a lot of science and little jargon and stuff in my articles not always but you know I do like doing that so I taken as it is like it feels like a report like a very dry analytical report of what happens um you know they they went through all the steps every single every single line you know just felt like it was presented as a clinical report and it was a good one you know I liked it I liked it uh that reminds me of a story I read way back in the day where uh it was the first SCP written by someone who want to join the community and they gave it to me for crit but they were a PhD and so it was the most like legitimate technical document version of SCP and I'm sitting here like clinical tone is not quite PhD level because it's really hard to read that I am a theater dropout so you got told that down a little bit for me I yeah that's fair um so Samarian says that this is gonna be the possibly the shortest we're gonna find for the next 10 articles or so so looking forward to that um let's let's see because I think the next one is Raddiger and that one's not long I mean unless Samarian's just you know he's just pulling out you know just changing which I could imagine he could do that yeah we're going to SCP 7000 serendipity by Raddiger and this one I have read and I am biased towards because I was on the crit and I enjoyed it but before I start reading this I gotta remember go fund me let's see how it's looking go to the link in that bio help Dr. Samarian live yeah he's in the chat right now and he needs your help we couldn't get Sarah McLaughlin to sing over this but we will still look at him like he's a sad little puppy and go over to his gofundme gofundme.com if you kill me it missed with hyphens between those it's in the description it's in my posts about it on twitter Samarian needs needs to get out of that house before it tries to kill him again a second time might not be that lucky a second time and we'll get to that maybe he is maybe he is alright water and then we start SCP serendipity hmm water is great drink water item number SCP 7000 object class correction special containment procedures due to the difficulty of cataloging companies and low risk nature of the anomaly individual use of the instances of SCP 7000-1 by foundation personnel is permitted with or without formal approval personnel are discouraged from engaging in behaviors known to create new instances of SCP 7000-2 containment procedures for currently existing instances of SCP 7000-2 are listed below referred to respectively as objects A B and C object A object A is not to be moved from its designated area atop agent summers' computer tower should object A be relocated anywhere other than its designated area all servers housed at site 129 are to be backed up immediately with object A being returned to its area as soon as possible object B the perimeter of object B is to be wrapped in 51 pieces of cellophane office tape between 5-15 cm any piece that loses adhesion and falls off must be replaced within 24 hours object C object C is to be struck with a provided wooden dowel at least once per 24 hour period by designated staff personnel in the locker room where object C is located must allow a minimum of 10 seconds of silence after object C is struck before speaking or making unnecessary noise sorry little hiccup description SCP 7000 is a mundane thaumaturgical anomaly affecting otherwise ordinary personal items belonging to foundation personnel and this is a picture of some SCP 7000-1 instances items affected by SCP 7000 gain the ability to measurably impact events experienced by the user typically altering events in the user's favor two prerequisites are required in order for a manifestation of SCP 7000 to occur an inanimate physical an inanimate physical object and an associated action taken by the user any object affected by SCP 7000 can lose its anomalous effect for multiple reasons footnote such as organic lack or abuse or death of its creator but every conscious attempt to nullify the effect has both failed and caused significant misfortune for those attempting conversely deliberate attempts to imbue an object with SCP 7000's effect while consciously aware of its existence have also failed footnote it is noted that objects already associated with a widely known religion or belief system have not been observed to experience SCP 7000's effect direct knowledge of SCP 7000 neutralizes an individual's ability to create an instance of SCP 7000-1 and or maintain an existing instance SCP 7000-1 refers to any personal item affected by SCP 7000 thought of by its owner as a quote good luck charm the vast majority of these items are created inadvertently with the owner either developing a strong emotional attachment to the object or simply pretending the object has an effect in all cases the owner associates the object with luck or good fortune the favorable events caused by these items are easily screwed as coincidence or confirmation bias but specialized equipment confirms that the increase in good fortune is in fact quantifiable SCP 7000-2 refers to objects affected by SCP 7000 that cause a large scale misfortune when certain invented rituals are not properly carried out all cataloged instances of SCP 7000-2 within the foundation are communal objects engaged with by multiple people a factor believed to be the source of SCP 7000-2 objects potency all three of these objects cataloged by the foundation have been the documented sources of major several major incidents listed in addendum 2 addendum 1 registered SCP 7000-1 examples the following individuals have not been made aware of SCP 7000's existence all SCP 7000-1 instances are still active owner name researcher Harlan Cordova object brand plastic pokemon toy certain colors and details are off model from the character on which the toy is based and most of the paint is applied incorrectly activation SCP 7000 effect is activated in the object upon being viewed by other staff members when in close proximity to researcher Cordova observed effect an increased frequency of innocuous positive interactions with other staff members typically in the form of casual compliments or small favors researcher Cordova does not believe in luck and insists that the object has no measurable effect claiming instead that the toy is merely a conversation starter and that quote no one is going to be mean to such a fucked up little guy end quote owner name dr. Donna achaveiro go with achaveiro object half a quartz geode three centimeters in diameter most of the object is worn smooth activation SCP 7000 effect remains active in the object when held in dr. achaveiro's bare hand observed effect a decrease in workplace incidence of a physically dangerous nature dr. achaveiro has survived five critical containment breaches without incident notes dr. achaveiro claims that she did not believe in luck until she found the object and narrowly avoided being hit by a runaway car when she reached to pick it up dr. achaveiro firmly believes that the object protects her from harm she even carrying the object for 21 years owner name dr. Nathan Harrell object a pair of wool athletic socks with several darned patches from frequent wear activation SCP 7000 activates when the object is worn observed effect increase frequency of favorable events pertaining to office work such as finding items thought to be lost outdated equipment running smoothly and unexpected reunions with individuals who have experience relevant to current projects notes when initially interviewed dr. Harrell expected the subject to be a gold cross-chorm he wore on a leather cord he maintained this belief throughout the interview until casually explained the socks were a gift from his wife which he continually repairs due to their comfort and sentimental value he refers to them as his quote work socks dr. Harrell's cross pendant exhibits no anomalous effect owner name non-applicable object five packages sending machine snacks on top of a microwave at SCP 5320 containment all hail our lord and saviour the longest boy activation SCP 7000 activates when new snacks are added provided the number of packages present stays above five observed effect increase in internet speed experienced by the individual adding the snacks typically only lasting a few hours although SCP 5320 staff exhibit much of the behavior typically associated with the creation of SCP 7000-2 instances items interacted with this way by SCP 5320 research staff seem incapable of becoming SCP 7000-2 instances likely due to their close association with the living creature owner name agent kathryn reed object a plush fox toy beanie baby brand item shows signs of several decades of aging and is partially burned activation SCP 7000's effect activates when the object is left in the mobile task force lambda 5 transport vehicle while a mission is underway observed effect since agent reed began using the object L5 squad 16 has experienced no agent deaths while on missions in spite of several nearly fatal injuries notes the object was one of the few toys that survived a house fire that destroyed agent reed's childhood home when she was eight years old agent reed calls her family's escape quote miraculous and she claims that quote if the object is waiting in the car everybody has to make it out addendum 2 SCP 7000-2 objects object a a plastic figurine of a wizard on top of agent rachel summers' computer tower at site 211 according to office staff at site 211 removal of object a from the computer tower will quote brick the servers the superstition began as a joke when a staff member accidentally knocked the figurine onto the floor around the time the office experienced poor connection to offsite servers at site 17 resulting in staff members attributing the outrage to the wizard two years following the inception of the joke site 211 experienced three complete outages from local servers all directly correlating to object a being placed on a different surface than the computer tower this event led to the initial discovery of SCP 7000 object B a frame picture of actor ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi with 51 pieces of tape stuck around the edges of the frame hello there located in the 2B floor landing of site 16 the object was originally a prank on a senior and devout Christian staff member Emily Montes who was told the photo was a portrait of Jesus and hung the frame up in her cubicle reportedly Ms. Montes would occasionally stick extra pieces of tape to the frame for later use and following her relocation to a different site the rest of staff moved the picture to a more publicly visible location and added more pieces of tape until the edges of the frame were covered the staff of site 16 maintained that for every piece of tape missing one staff member will experience a tremendous disaster object B is referred to by site 16 staff as quote sticky Jesus and is suspected to be responsible for over 25 major on-site accidents I can't imagine that someone is not going to have their very own sticky Jesus in their own homes after reading this article go print yourself a Ewan McGregor everyone object C a heavily used aluminum water bottle located in the locker room on the first floor of site 17's Task Force Barracks formerly belonging to agent Michael Webb of Mobile Task Force Theta 4 field agents working out of site 17 carry a tradition of striking the empty bottle to create a ringing noise when the locker room is quiet a ritual invented by the team members of Mobile Task Theta 4 following the death of agent Webb during a mission a survey a foundation Task Force agents found that 85% had at least heard of Saint Michael's Bell with 61% surveyed claiming to believe in its effects ringing Saint Michael's Bell is said to bring good luck to foundation agents across the globe and forgetting to ring it will cause more death among their ranks days in which this ritual was not fulfilled so a 10% rise in field agent mortality Addendum 3 clearance level adjustment Upon further research SCP 7000 exhibits a demonstrably positive effect a demonstrably positive impact on the safety and morale of foundation staff considering knowledge of the anomaly neutralizes the effect for an individual SCP 7000 will be upgraded from clearance level 3 to clearance level 7000 4 the following transcript is taken from meaning of the 05 Council on the 25th of July 2022 begin log it seems that SCP 7000 fact stops applying when individuals learn of its existence something about the hard knowledge that luck exists is enough to prevent it entirely personally I'm a static informing our personnel on a broad scale could ease containment significantly at that point we would only have to worry about the two's horse shit I beg your pardon it's protecting our people I say let it rip Beyblade focus please using anomalies for our own gain isn't something we should be taking lightly especially considering the unpredictability we've already observed with SCP 7000 we still don't truly know the scope of its capabilities oh shut up we use anomalies for self gain all the time should we what are we doing lunch I can have someone pick up Jimmy John sandwiches in approximately 17 minutes provided we adhere to our schedule exactly haha I'm on team but who's pink pink is new darn it too many voices rad alright billeth help me out you be you be pink and I think great dark green below that you be pink and dark green sure yeah I'm on team Beyblade could you please specify what you mean let it rip you know in professional terms please we've not seen a single negative effect by instances of SCP 7000-1 and the effects they do have are so inconspicuous that almost no one can see the anomaly without extensive research for being given any sort of advantage it's no so small that it barely even counts I'm inclined to agree with team anti Beyblade wait weren't you the one who wanted it earlier I think so is that the same color no it's a different color alright you take light yellow the orange one or yeah okay it's more intense difference yeah I'm inclined to agree with team anti Beyblade I ain't naming anything after a children's toy it's not a children's toy I have one rules are rules and we can't pick and choose when they're convenient I need everyone to perhaps take a moment and re-center yourselves we have two choices we can disseminate the information and neutralize most instances of the anomaly within our ranks effectively living its effect to the 7000-2 instances only or we can lock down the intel and keep letting our people make SCP 7000-1 instances for fun and profit god I'm starving huh something on your mind what are the chances it evolves elaborate I think we all can agree that we can't do anything to stop people from doing the behaviors that create SCP 7000-1 instances in the first place I suppose continue if we broadcast 7000's existence to the entire foundation are we certain the effect will evolve to include folks who know about it and if it does will that second iteration be as innocuous as this one huh sorry I don't mean to die real but did you say you have a Beyblade you own one right now yes why humans will never behave entirely logically no matter their situation as it stands the effect is not significant enough to present a threat in majority of cases that could change should we intervene a vote then hear me out trial by Beyblade seconded thirded third term continuation of this behavior has a 33% chance of eventually creating an instance of SCP 7000-2 within the council oh shit wow really I wasn't even doing that on purpose no one's doing it on purpose I don't think a vote is necessary the centers are clearly outnumbered in this case perhaps we can continue to keep an eye and revisit at a later date then we raise the clearance level of SCP 7000 and continue to let it rip as it were what about the people who have already read the file they're shit out of luck aren't they end log okay um that was funny I like that I wrote this in my discussion but I'm just gonna say it on stream as well Rad brought this to me and it was the first and second addendums is what they had and they just didn't know what to do with addendum 3 they didn't feel like the article had an ending and I am very very proud to have come up with the idea of the 05 council debating on whether or not to keep it going because if people know about it then they could get rid of it but then they would no longer be useful to them and then that final line of I guess they're shit out of luck because we have read the article so now we cannot make scp 7000 instances ourselves and all of ours are deactivated oh no my lucky pen is no longer lucky um the like that that whole transcript kind of came off a little bit like a dash j but at the same time I mean it was hilarious the whole thing was funny yeah rad is people and comedy stuff and her statement on this article is that she does not want to win the contest she just wants to get a high enough vote so that she can get scp 7300 slot because she wants this to be the spiritual successor to 5320 the longest fish gotcha it's about office politics and goofing off fair and I'm happy to have yes handed to help the article so I love this because I helped yeah and you know Radiger if you're listening I see the little like the spacing issue between the the author like the author credits thing and the rating module for basalt you can add a little bit of code in there I put it in my articles because I know that they overlap without that but it's just a little bit of padding just it does the trick yeah good content I like this is a great article you can't you can't plus two got it fantastic and I read in the chat that somebody actually did donate to the GoFundMe so let's check on that I'd love to see how that's looking we got $20 more thank you $20 dono yes I appreciate that and Samarian appreciates that I'm sure fantastic this we got over here scrolling down that one was shorter Samarian you were wrong definitely like has like 40% the length of that we just read hungry season SCP-7000 chaos you are my angel by fish to the power of 12 this one is also a shorty I think Samarian was trolling us I think so yeah that's fine you know he does that I love him for it glad to see you're in good spirits Samarian Samarian I would be too if I just escaped tree tree aside that would have been rough let's see all right you're up to that and I'll do the this theme this is an interesting theme is this an existing one because I have not seen this before yeah I do not know this theme okay cool well SCP-7000 object class Famael this document is locked behind need to know level 5 security clearance SCP-7000 is contained in the basement layer of site 01 which has been retrofitted with the specification for high value anomalous assets which with the inclusion of 10 meter thick concrete walls comprehensive SRA applications and faith agnostic wards SCP-7000 is also protected by proxy via site 01 security measures including the site-wide self-destruct countermeasure SCP-7000 has been outfitted with 10 Akiva Siphons a previously hypothetical energy production method SCP-7000 currently provides power to the entirety of site 01 and the access energy is stored in separate on-base location SCP-7000's containment chamber will be inspected weekly for any discrepancies detailed introductions are distributed to containment technicians at this time of whom will be administered class 5 amnestics at the end of the class V amnestics at class 5 class V amnestics at the end of the maintenance period on-site medical personnel will verify the amnestic process to confirm informational security description SCP-7000 is a used NUU brand F4L flip phone Physically, SCP-7000 is completely non-anomalous SCP-7000 possesses a rare Akivian Sink a general term for an entity or object that both absorbs and produces Akiva radiation Notably, Akivian Sinks are associated with the end process of apotheosis Prior to transcending into proper godhood the entity undergoing such process will temporarily become an Akivian Sink thus amplifying their potential energy output by orders of magnitude within a short period of time Religious organizations or groups typically seek out this state in order to realize their respective object of worship though they may not be specifically aware of this quality It was previously believed that only sapient entities can produce an Akivian Sink by virtue of Akiva radiation hold massive influence over consensus reality Given that SCP-7000 is non-sapient the Akiva particles remain unused perpetually accumulating Akiva radiation Due to the transitive properties of Akiva particles combined with SCP-7000's lack of miracle system output SCP-7000 would single handedly trigger apotheosis in partnership with another belief attuned entity As such, SCP-7000 will be indefinitely contained at Site-01 and if necessary decommissioned Addendum 7000 Slash 1 SCP-7000 was used as intended by the manufacturer Although multiple contacts were listed in the phone directory the only saved messages are that of name pending 12 calls and over 2,000 text messages were found communicating with this individual The context for these messages are unclear This is 2 of 20 Greetings In the simplest terms I am the first being nothing before time and space I wield the laws upon which all physics rests upon and thus perpetually the chaotic cycle Ooh chaos god Classic, I have a script here Ahem, notices you brooding Hey, what's the matter? It's okay, holds out my hand waiting for you to take it gently I'm Siren, I'm 19 and I enjoy knitting What about you, blushes Siren, I do not possess a name or a physical body with which to interact with but I may continue speaking to you but may I continue speaking to you in this personal manner blushes even harder Yeah, of course I hide my hands behind my back in embarrassment then looking down with a hint of sadness for we can't cuddle Thank you Do you like want to meet up? We've been talking for a while and I really feel this could work out for real I just feel so alone all the time and I really like someone who understands and is super mature, like you and this isn't me playing or whatever I just really think it'd be good for us I'm in Cali, and I even have a driver's license I can go to you Please say yes It appears I must reveal myself Are you sure about this? I've seen Dix before I'm prepared for it WTF Okay, I can work with this So like, what kind of powers do you have? I could not consciously exercise control as you could have intuited from my upbringing Instead, I help perpetuate this reality through means I do not understand That's so cool in a really nerdy way You kind of remind me of my dad, he plays Warhammer Oh God, I am Freuded Are you okay? I'm really trying to wrap my head around this You're the truth of the universe Everything exists just because it does It is so Have you never wanted to make something? I have previously I set in motion the placement of the stars All that exists is due solely to my having had exercised my influence Did you want to do that? Hello I feel so flawed Indeed But aren't you the most powerful being ever? Can you fix me? How? I don't I don't It's so uniquely frustrating this I'm face to face with an actual God and I can't even I'm sorry, this is unfair of me I don't have God power, so I wouldn't understand it Maybe it costs something to move stuff around I don't know Siren, I only understand the chaos I was born and given What I change you, I would do it in ways I am familiar with, in ways that would warp your reality Doing nothing is a mercy, not a cruelty You have no idea of the chaos with which this reality embodies You're like the incarnation of the TV tropes page on chaotic neutral I mean, what's next? You have a long lost twin God of order? Order How long have I not seen it sooner?  I wish to seek order What do you need? I am made aware of order from chaos by the beings descended from me You have taught me that there exists a rejection of my whole self and that perhaps I can have been mistaken with my contents of the teachings There are those familiar to your species but not yourself that provide for the order They strive on subversion and would seek not my downfall like so many other simpler men but instead a balance of my being against their ideology I straight up don't understand What do I need to do? Leave your phone outside, far away from you Why? My request can be dangerous If caught, you could be affected I do not wish that of you This is some CIA bullshit Will you do this for me?  Yes Addendum 7000 slash 2 SCP-7000 received a single message while in containment It's everything I'm not Cool What do you think? I'm chewing on it I think it's funny I like it I always enjoy I'm a big fan of the cold god order character and then like the comedy character the clash is always a good recipe Right It definitely falls back on that on those tropes and I do like the very mundane made bizarre just the phone but of course there's a literal god on the phone and the phone also ascends you into godhood that's funny and I'm guessing the I might have to re-read this to get the full gist of what they did to the phone besides making it into a sink What did Green do the god to the phone exactly Luck theme explanation spoilers Chaos is luck God from reality, reality from god Reality to human, human to order God to human, God to order Okay Thanks fish Very Rick and Morty of you fish That was good I'm going to give it enough but I think it was good I think it's silly but I would definitely want this to stay up it kind of gives me like what is it 4991 everyone is um this is how the world ends bang but with the shitpost kind of gives me that sort of like a reverent kind of comedy that's like you know it's funny just because it's existing by virtue of existing even though it's like the implications are really like you know wild the whole thing it's funny I like it especially because god phone is a flip phone and that's inherently funny yes that's yeah especially because of the picture I'm like man this is going to be some some intense stuff it's a flip phone I wonder what this theme is though I've never seen this theme what is simul akram theme what is this 4 add abysm tactical theology tactical theology okay it's just been changed up a bit alright taking it back we are now up to scp 7000 three white horses by they call me tim alright but before we do that we check in on the fundraiser for our good friend dr. samarian dr. jeremiah samarian everybody give him a round of applause I'll wait he's great and he needs your help 2,578 of our $15,000 goal and even we're not we're not looking to hit that today give whatever you can we have streams coming in throughout the week and we will be pumping go fund me throughout the whole thing all of our earnings and proceeds and whatnot we get there we're going to go towards the go fund me and there will be more announcements about that over twitter and whatnot stay tuned but please guys help samarian out he deserves your money give it to him make it bigger that's the right size got it alright this is a bit of a long boy here we go original file handle with care you have accessed the original version of scp 7000 damage loss or alterations to this document will be punished if you would prefer a copy and none are available consider volunteering for the archival department if your other duties permit this document was recently defaced the text on the reverse side of this sheet should be ignored as should any unofficial footnotes item number scp 7000 object class containment class pending classification level 1 unrestricted special containment procedures containment is not the priority with scp 7000 the whereabouts of scp 7000-1 dash 2 and dash 3 should always be known let me just adjust my mic real quick for my posture get undone there we go boom better comfy scp 7000-1 dash 2 and dash 3 should always be known in any event in the event any scp 7000 instance is needed in any of the world's remaining countries mobile task force omega 4 code name horse shoes is on constant alert to monitor and corral the appropriate instance to the jurisdiction with the greatest need as determined by a majority vote of the 05 council interference with scp 7000 or foundation directors regarding their corraling will at minimum result in a 50% reduction in water rations picture painting gifted to the foundation of scp 7000-2 by a civilian after its property saved their life civilian wish to be anonymous but for the painting to be used with its file disinformation regarding the whereabouts their whereabouts is disseminated through foundation plants with major groups of interest not yet aligned with our mission information is focused on examples of the incalculable benefit scp 7000 has had and will continue to have for sustaining the remainder of the human race reports of scp 7000 worship are deemed acceptable provided these remain fringe cases and do not interfere with foundation directives anyone approaching any instance of scp 7000 who is deemed to interfere with or deviate from established procedure should be terminated with prejudice footnote the foundation may not be immediately able to resupply ammunition use for termination scp 7000 is considered among the foundation's most significant and highly valued assets in the event line of sight is lost locating scp 7000-1 becomes the foundation's primary mission no exceptions personnel and equipment will be moved from the nearest strongholds in this event even if this may result in the strongholds collapse do not lose sight description scp 7000 denotes three entities resembling equisperus specimens the ones common wild horse and their respective anomalous effects each are identifiable by their white pelt and unique area of effect detailed below scp 7000 instances have demonstrated anomalous physical endurance and tolerance to hunger and thirst with observation showing no need for sleep or sustenance scp 7000-1's primary effect is an anomalous possibly passive ability to summon rainfall by consent of 95% of the foundation's governance a system to harvest rainwater caused by scp 7000-1 has been established mobile task force omega-1 codename cup bearers comprised out of disbanded mobile task forces has been given three out of the 11 surviving solar-darity ground vehicles reconfigured with the water collecting capabilities these vehicles had been rerouted from supply line hog supply line bull and the defense of stronghold 32 resulting in their collapse footnote this was not an easy choice there are no more easy choices but water is life for everyone it comes before anyone even hundreds as of the second of as of February 29, 2096 it is estimated that between 63% and 71% of the human population's continued survival is owed to scp 7000 be it through the guarantee of sustenance, sanitation or security footnote sc foundation 2094 world alliance excluding population of the oceanic island federation and artica et al the first contact was with scp 7000-1 on March 20, 2087 after the siege of the patriots eastern blockade failed the encounter was recorded after the activation of endel emergency distress beacon 41551 transcript is below forward no significant dialogue or notable audible activity was recorded for 41 hours and 35 minutes after the beacons activation the below exchange starts then begin log where, why ray what where are we long pause home you can call this home home didn't feel was it always this dry I don't remember being anywhere else I don't know maybe it was always desert always desert every direction forever on and on water please ray please fucking beacon 4 man who the fuck is gonna fuck ollie don't talk right, just be quiet is that dust? something out there alive and kicking up dust dust is fucking everywhere from here to the west coast and everything in between I can't, I can't my fucking leg ollie shut up possible contact on the horizon headed straight for us clattering of metal groaning is audible make it today please god make it today what ray what it's a horse it's a horse they sent us a horse to save 100 dead men there's a long slow sigh and a sharp inhale are you a good witch or a bad witch are you whatever oh my god oh my god leave me alone man look open your eyes come and see no oh yes you will here maybe someone else wake up you sons of bitches wake up clouds and then there is the sound of rain fine fine whatever none of you fucking matter ollie ollie we're going after it I'm getting my life to the cloth after this oh my god give me some water you let me sleep it's a fucking miracle it's a fucking miracle don't ask why just follow the fucking miracle out of this fucking desert get up we're going after it there's nothing for us here not for years we're gonna be okay I'll help come on arm over my shoulder one step at a time come on wind and rain more and more rain okay rainfall becomes heavy enough that no other sounds are audible the distressed beacon continues to record the sound of rainfall for 17 hours until the unit's solar battery fails and a log closing statement footnote 4 method of processing authorized via council decree 3 AD emergency supply January 1st 2065 shortly after foundation forces abandoned the defense of stronghold 7 resulting in its collapse and loss of the populace footnote a request to revise this sentence has been declined remember the cost footnote 6 remember the cost remember the cost to pursue and contain SCP-7000-1 most of the fallen were found around the abandoned siege camp however a body with a severe laceration to their Achilles tendon was located 6 kilometers from the beacon an additional 1.8 kilometers away foundation personnel discovered a dry corpse surrounded by desert cause of death uncertain likely exposure not dehydration the transcriber requested a copy of the sound of rain for personal use a review for possible memetic effects despite not being discovered the request was declined recording of rainfall may be lent to foundation personnel who have distinguished themselves through feats of heroism after an exhaustive multi-week long search SCP-7000-1 was tracked 14 kilometers southwest of foundation stronghold 4 located in the northeastern American region of the coalition of North American nations known as CNAN formally footnote US, Canada, and Mexico I'll call it CANAN during the search SCP-7000-1 generally moved away from personnel also demonstrating an ability to de-manifest if threatened or approached too closely these simple rules laid the groundwork for corralling the anomaly the foundation set about to collect and distribute water among the highest priority populations and defense forces rain is not continuous but it is without a doubt more common near SCP-7000-1 than anywhere else constant knowledge of SCP-7000-1's location and the collection of water is essential for survival request for the current whereabouts of SCP-7000-1 requires level 5 security clearance or authorization from two members of the O5 council SCP-7000-1 archive contamination memo to all runner receivable departments from the office of Kelton, Pace Dalt director of the foundation sanitation DNM footnote shorthand for the foundation's footnote personnel shorthand for the foundation's footnote personnel shorthand for the foundation's footnote personnel DNM stands for do not memorize signalling this portion is not part of the communique footnotes are the foundation's department footnotes are the foundation department foundation's department of message runners if you consider yourself capable of intensive long distance running and believe yourself trustworthy or flawlessly memorizing critical foundation information you may apply for messenger evaluation by speaking to your superior officer this is not a duty to be taken lightly we survive on information and information alone so DNM first to our messengers thank you as always you have more than enough on your mind so I will keep this as brief as I can end DNM we have received new reports of symptoms resembling cholera in two foundation strongholds I need everyone to understand immediately the difficulty of containing cholera after a water source is contaminated cholera is a terror it drains you it can strike in the morning and kill by night and it grows exponentially it secretes from those who kills and it only takes one improper disposal to ruin a water source we can barely treat it prevention is all we have yet we cannot evaluate every glass of water before it is drunk we cannot sanitize every source the best we can do is keep it clean from the start we live with enough fear as it is I implore you to prevent this there is still time to contain DNM the few of you being sent to those minor territories will have to memorize additional procedure information depending on the severity of the outbreak you will be given additional water provisions drink no other water and pray to every god this disease is not anomalous and DNM this footnote your messenger has memorized a list of basic steps that must be followed this is important enough to that the 05 require the steps to be written down the second code for paper usage is BXMLZ we have a miraculous we have a miracle of a water source every contaminated drop is lethal poison treat both as such and we will be okay and memo SCP-7000-2 description discovery details SCP-7000-2 was discovered during and is credited for ending the cholera crisis of 2090 the first cholera outbreaks were noted by the foundation controlled territories in November of 2089 by May 2090 the number of cases exploded with 30% of foundation controlled territories within Canaan confirmed contaminated the foundation, once so adept at containment lacked the resources it once had to stem infection stages of cholera outbreaks were established stage 1 secure less than 5% of foundation stronghold population exhibit systems curtail considered plausible procedure stronghold is quarantined dispatch mobile task force with penultimate resort water rations and a surplus of food supplies additional water filtration devices can be commandeered from nearby territories if essential speak to footnote messenger or consult stronghold director for full procedure stage 2 contain 5-20% of stronghold population exhibit systems curtailment considered possible procedure dispatch mobile task force delta 9 code name last aid with penultimate resort and last resort water rations and maximum spare food supplies bodies are to be collected and burned at designated points no less than 1 mile from any conceivable water supply stage 3 protect 21-35% of stronghold population exhibit symptoms curtailment considered challenging procedure anyone that goes in does not come out until clear of symptoms dispassion mobile task force delta 11 code name wall watchers stage 4 greater than 35% of stronghold population exhibit symptoms and growing curtailment failed procedure settlement and personnel within are considered lost abandonment of facility by June 25th, 2019 the outbreak reached its most severe point with 8% of foundation strongholds reaching stage 4 outbreaks this was the most severe loss of civilian life since 2082 foundation morale reached pre SCP-7000-1 levels body disposal requirements of the uninfected increased some foundation personnel defected to the recreationists footnote messenger or consultant or consultant the recreationists footnote re-creationists full group of interest documentation requires level 3 security clearance the recreationists are an organization formed at some point between 2068 and 2075 who will the fundamental belief that the current state of the world is assigned from a higher power although it is not agreed within the group which higher power that humanity's time in this world is at an end motto hell is for the living salvation is for the dead on is that july 1st or june or january 7th 2090 class 1 runner adriana lee a member of the foundation's footnotes was found collapsed in front of primary foundation stronghold 3 adriana lee was near dead from exhaustion and dehydration a condition compounded by blood loss through the soles of her feet after being taken into quarantine and examined it was clear that apart from near lethal fatigue she was in exemplary health adriana lee was delirious while undergoing treatment yet continually repeated the below testimony from quote old man a civilian in stronghold 5 approximately 105 kilometers away this is transcribed below sit down listen listen to me you're a runner right class 1 good on you perfect memory you should be proud tell them what happened tell them what I saw listen close my sister her name was mary naya she was happy healthy doing well pulled her weight and then some at the energy pumps but how she kept people alive was her attitude that's it she believed that she believed this isn't the end of everything she believed we're all going to be okay and she loved the stars and brought they brought her down to earth something up there something is going right she said cholera took her in two days two days two days I didn't expect to envy that you have no idea these past months I've seen people hold on for weeks you know what the best treatment is plenty of food and more water than anyone's ever seen it's your body going nuclear it's your body panicking going beyond desperation going beyond self-destructive just to flush the disease out pale shit a person can pass three gallons of it in a day sometimes more you just got here you have no idea no idea the worst thing the worst thing you know what's like living off rations a glass of water a day sometimes it had to be shared never knew real hunger like this never knew real thirst not till we knew then not till we thought we knew but then had it taken away you know what it's like fragile supply lines another symptom of life then the foundation abandoned us everything did I don't blame them now everything's hard everything's hard you hear a stage one and two and three and you never expected to happen to you but you don't know what death is until after you lose hope when you've reached that point a small line between dead and alive very small indistinguishable you can just stop breathing when even the guards on the wall leave we know what the score is we know what's next bad ways to go the best way to go we have but a bad way to go three days of that imagine that three days of walking dead people dead in the streets walk three paces pause turn around walk three paces over and over for hours then he stopped and that was his story three days I don't the third day I remember nothing from it like my eyes were closed like dreamless sleep retching and pain and pain and holocausts and pain and pain about a savior about a miracle a cry starts out from choked throats sounds like the dying of a great engine people start sobbing without water to allow tears someone sits me up pointing shouting handing me my sister's tiny telescope and through it I see two white horses on the horizon you heard the stories of the one it's a legend you may never see it yourself you pray for it you hope for it maybe that animal's mind will come to you and it needs to feed the desperate but whatever it is you dream of it and dream of it and dream to see white pel it's one thing to believe in a god very much another to see one feel its miracle it rained it has been a long long long long long long long time since I felt rain I crawled crawled out of my hut and lay on my back and god knows what mouth open every drop every drop I don't know if it was the water but I felt strong again young again I still felt pain but I felt a cure the rain went on and on I heard singing and howling and screamed prayers of thanks I was dead passed the line and I feel purged cleaned alive again god help me god help me I will see tomorrow go tell your masters you don't have to tell them everything just that there's two white horses now one that nourishes and one that heals according to the best estimate for the timeline reconstruction before the manifestation of SCP-7000-2 Mobile Task Force horse shoes had lost perpetual line of sight with SCP-7000-1 for the first time not only did Adriana Lee convey the testimony she also chased SCP-7000-1 until it came to the foundation to be corralled Adriana Lee's efforts to bring this to the foundation's attention at great personal cost resulted in her being awarded the foundation's stars Medal of Heroism footnoted only given to those who die for the foundation so they say and was granted her request to listen to the rainfall recording applications to use this as a reward for unusual feats of valor is under consideration correction it is approved although the foundation has not been able to scientifically define its effects this testimony and the testimony of others support the hypothesis that SCP-7000-2 has an anomalous ability to eradicate disease the current presumption is this area of effect increases or decreases depending on its proximity to and severity of disease afflicting individuals in an area observation has shown this does not extend to physical injuries or illnesses that have progressed to the point where a body cannot repair itself beyond this and will at times outrun any escort and vanish once crossing the horizon this loss is acceptable for a maximum of one week the foundation has not been able to confirm whether or not the cholera outbreak was anomalous but it will be treated as though it was this only further cements the importance of SCP-7000 to humanity's continuity SCP-7000-2's whereabouts are unknown to the foundation requests for information can be provided to those level 4 security clearance or authorization from one member of the O5 council SCP-7000-3 description discovery details while unprovable the avoidance of a grand scale conflict between the foundation and one of its current allies is attributed to SCP-7000-3 as with any resource that assists survival SCP-7000-1 and SCP-7000-2 cause escalating tensions between groups of interest control of SCP-7000-1 and SCP-7000-2 was covered by the foundation of SCP-7000-2 SCP-7000-1 and SCP-7000-2 was commonly believed as the primary thing any organization would need for strategic superiority footnote water is life water is always life as a result between December 3rd and or March 12th, 2091 and August 24th, 2093 the month is in the middle Sherman August 24th, 2093 every appearance of SCP-7000-1 and SCP-7000-2 resulted in escalating skirmishes each resulting in significant casualties to each side the primary aggressors include the new occult coalition NOC and the recreationists all diplomatic efforts with the recreationists have failed this group is now solely classified as a threat during this time, foundation efforts were focused on deescalating tensions between the NOC on September 26th, 2093 a non-voy was sent to the NOC South American capital a copy of the message can be provided on request but in short it's specified that if the envoy was not given a reply or if the envoy or NOC did not return within exactly two weeks the foundation would take it as a tacit and explicit declaration of war during the interim all as all signs indicated conflict runners were sent to all available military personnel to prepare for conflict with military defenses coalesce around primary foundation strongholds 1 2 and 3 with other high population strongholds on October 3rd, 2093 the envoy returned unexpectedly with a small NOC squadron escort to primary foundation stronghold 1 the squadron identified itself as the protection party for a newly appointed NOC's foundation ambassador a position created explicitly for this meeting under high guard the ambassador and two escorts were allowed an audience with three high-ranking foundation members an excerpt from this meeting's minutes are below foot no full meeting minutes requires level 3 clearance or above a horse for a kingdom meeting minutes October 4th, 2093 052 takes the lead facilitator the new occult coalition representative Josiah Montag recorder foundation cataloger Isla Agira timekeeper foundation cataloger Isla Agira attendees 05 council members 2 3 4 knock representative Josiah Montag knock attendants Alexander Cho and June Willars agenda topic war or peace between the foundation and the new occult coalition subject to negotiations on access rights to SCP-7000-1 and SCP-7000-2 time taken 19 hours discussions meeting begins with highly formal meetings by each delegation to each delegation 053 immediately inquires as to the status of the envoy occult coalition representative provides evidence that the envoy has accompanied them and will be released into foundation control as a show of good will and to provide witness testimony to knock claims knock begins a presentation to answer as they put it why we came all this way they have uncovered a new massive underground river estimated 1800 kilometers in length while the water is not suitable for human consumption without super human filtration efforts the water appears connected to a variety of underground volcanic soil incredibly rich in organic material this means the water can enable dead tracks of land to become suitable for agriculture knock representative provided small samples of water for foundation own testing each are labeled do not drink the knock requests 70% of the material sufficient to build pumps to fertilize the water and crops 2 access to a total of 200,000 acres 810 square kilometers a potential agricultural land within foundation territory with the option of expansion of crop growth is sustainable 3 assistance with the transportation and digging of 100% of wells in return the knock will consider a cessation to hostilities with an agreement for this treaty the last 10 years provided neither side reopens hostilities 2 consider SCP-7000-1 and 2 as the foundation's asset alone and the foundation's sole responsibility 3 provide food generated to the foundation and provide personnel and ground vehicle support sufficient to guard the foundation's allocation of crops knock representative requests the following to be added to the record the new occult coalition has the ability and the wherewithal to construct the aqueducts dig the plots control the land and farm the soil ourselves but it would be a tragedy for all of us to try and kill each other with the aim of having more when we could support each other by sharing enough negotiations begin during this time the water samples were processed and confirmed to be near miraculous for enriching soil and for the cultivation of a multitude of crops full minutes are not shown for brevity but may be made available please submit a request to your stronghold director if you have an essential need to access the full log conclusions the foundation will provide 50% of materials to build irrigation for crops 300,000 acres 12 1215 square kilometers a potential agricultural land within foundation territory a full cessation of hostilities assistance with the transport of equipment and the digging of 100% of wells with the exception that they will provide a maximum of 70% of the transportation or personnel to guard it 3 emergency uses of SCP-7000-1 annually and 3 emergency uses of SCP-7000-2 to knock with as much available foundation cooperation as can be provided otherwise they are considered fully in the foundation's care the knock will provide 10% of the location of the underground river with an additional 5% revealed annually provide 35% of cultivated crops to the foundation 50% of personnel and 90% of ground vehicle support sufficient to guard and the foundations allocate to guard and the foundation's allocation to crops that seems typo a full cessation of hostilities military support in armed conflict if deemed an existential threat to itself and the foundation the foundation is agreed to the same for the knock monthly meetings will be established between a knock representative agreed on by the foundation and a foundation representative agreed on by the knock the total text of the treaty is expected to consist of over 35 pages blank paper provided by knock as an additional show of goodwill requests for copies or to see the original document are not available 052 requested additional details including the discovery when the discovery was made and if any unusual activity was noticed knock provides testimony corroborated corroborated by multiple witnesses including the foundation envoy that shortly after the discovery of the underground river on the horizon were 3 white horses all in a line documentation verified and signed by 052 053 054 survive construct protect this testimony is the earliest known instance of the third white horse SCP-7003 it is notable in that is the only known time all three horses have been seen in a line as each instance usually has several hundred miles between each other SCP-7003's exact ability is not understood nor has it been well defined this is primarily owed to the rarity of its appearance and the abstractness of its effect to the foundation's best supposition each of SCP-7003's appearance is coincided with a de-escalation of hostilities at a point of high tension between two adversaries including the serpent's claw conflict the collapsed god catastrophe redacted redacted and redacted footnote I'm surprised that I'm surprised how many I didn't know about while 7000-1 and 7000-2 have strict guiding principles to aid territories in most need a loss of sight on SCP-7003 has been deemed acceptable footnote yeah, let it go where it needs to let it run huh, Beyblade, let it rip SCP-7001 and 7000-2's benefits to humanity's survival are quantifiable while the hypothetical prevention abilities of SCP-7003 are not nevertheless, each of these anomalies are considered critical to humanity's survival Incident 7000- on September 22nd, 2098 visual of SCP-7001 SCP-7001-2 and 3 was lost simultaneously for the first time strongholds were alerted and envoys were sent to the foundation's closest allies the knock and the serpent's claw as previous individual disappearances had occurred the longest being SCP-7003 for 42 days the length of SCP-7003's absence was not expected to exceed this yet after three months of growing unrest anger and despair the foundation answered to the need to address the issue below is the full statement certified direct statement from the O5 council to all people of the foundation we want to alleviate your concerns we want to tell you that they are found that all is well but that is not yet the case we ask much of each of you every day small tasks of monumental importance that allow us all to survive and now more than ever before each task assigned to you must be carried out do not let despair become a burden to you do not weigh it down as it will become a ball and chain and harm yourself and those around you because this is not the end there is no cause to believe it is we all know what this is regarding some of you have your own names for them I personally am fond of Groucho Chico and Harpo to the foundation there are SCP-7001-2 and 3 my fellows on the council believe it right to tell you all now that we have on at least 14 occasions to date but unable to locate one or all of SCP-7000 footnote fuck you this is not the first time we have had to relocate them and will not be the last they will be found and their benefits will not be lost and during their absence do not forget we are in a better place someone happy few of us remember the 50 state hurricane the european schism the tear of the hayward fault the great misfire and the energy collapse when our power died for the last time the list goes on too long although these were decades ago they changed the world in ways we once believed would render humanity's survival impossible listen to me now when I say this today is not that day these are not those times every day we defy such a fate and defy the words of our enemies that believe only the next life is worth dying for no one thing was responsible for the current state of the world yet it is human nature to blame it all on one thing just it is human nature to look at one cause perhaps SCP-7000 for its continuation we no longer face the number of threats we once had we have allies now we have agriculture we have supplies stored away for a very long dry summer all this is built on a strong foundation we dare I say it once again believe there will be a future the foundation will inform everyone as soon as SCP-7000 is relocated until then we will be okay today we survive tomorrow we thrive signed the O5 council SCP foundation survive construct protect SCP-7000 file note reception was mixed SCP-7000 remain unaccounted for for the rest of 2098 and most of 2099 in the intervening time the foundation experienced tests of the stability it had worked to build the recreationists who through the alliance with the serpent's claw were thought to be virtually eliminated found a swell of recruits and became bolder than they had in years at their mission tensions between the knock and the overburdened supply lines mounted there were widespread reports and dozens of foundation strongholds of despair insurgency, violence, and civilians wandering out into the wilderness chasing phantoms of horses on December 27th 2099 the O5 council had an emergency meeting minutes and transcripts are locked and inaccessible under council decree DNY protection of destabilizing or existentially threatening communications on July 1st 2068 to anyone who is not a member of the O5 council shortly after on December 29th 2099 the foundation announced SCP-7000-1-2-3 have been spotted overseas and are moving back in the direction of the coalition of North American nations no estimates could be drawn for when SCP-7000 would return but the foundation begs your patience it will not be much longer now SCP-7000 final addendum on December 31st 2100 even the documentation for SCP-7000 was stolen by an unauthorized individual documentation was recovered after Ash Tallins transcriber of surviving endelbeacon IDs 0-9999 abandoned her duties to find endelbeacon 70-1-2-3 herself instead of returning the documentation when found she defaced it by transcribing the unauthorized individual's message on the back of foundation official foundation documentation once she rewrites the documentation the full O5 council will see if disciplinary measures are necessary the individual class 1 runner Adriana Lee has not been located the footnote she added will also be removed we look forward to her return hey Ash I made sure to get one of your beacons hey Ash I made sure to get one of your beacons I've been sitting here a long time this beacons done been on for a long time I wish the foundation ever had enough people to answer these the problem used to be too many people or so I heard I hear a lot in my job I had high clearance remember all those anomalies there's theories about why they're so few now some very smart people think that they manifested in proportion to human population some very smart people disagree no one knows doesn't really matter the three white horses are gone I felt worse to tell you the truth like when I ran from those monsters those people that attacked my little town they were dying of hunger like we were but we never hurt anyone I ran from them and I outran them I made it to a foundation stronghold I'm still here they're dead stamped out so what the three white horses are gone some very smart people think there's going to be a fourth I'm just sitting here hoping to see one like all those other people did I'm done here we're done here and I did it well this is me retiring I'm sorry I took this documentation it wasn't like it's heavily guarded no one really cares anymore everyone's given up I read it for the first time and then a few more times I'm kind of disappointed these things are miracles I don't think that comes across right these are essential to humanity's survival was written down like three times but what there wasn't room to mention the good people did because of them you know those stage 4 quarantine things neighboring cities volunteered water imagine that free water some people volunteered to carry it to the lost cases no one they'd be lost to I carried some as best I could to those zones because even people who know they're dead can still feel alive I would not have done that if I thought there was no point wouldn't do this either then I got locked in and sick I was going to die like everyone else because I got locked in and left for dead I did the best thing I ever done in my life which was running for hours and hours and hours to tell people there's another reason to live want a medal for it but I also didn't want them to leave I'm glad it worked out hope can't die twice I was dead I was dead actually dead beyond saving I'd come to terms with it as best as anyone could I lost hope I lost it all hope will to live all for good then I was saved so I think whatever else happens I'll believe I can be saved when I die I won't notice it I'll die hopeful I miss you I'll sit here and wait for you if I'm not here it means I saw them and I'm chasing them I'll report back I'll cross the horizon and I'll report back if anyone can I can I'll prove that right don't worry depending on your definition of it everything will be okay or not I don't know what I'm trying to say here maybe Ash all you need to know is that you're alive that's beautiful and that's worth living for see you someday oh that was an undertaking okay I am a big fan of this one yeah it's like I saw some people in the chat saying it's like an inverse four horsemen in the apocalypse kind of deal yeah it became very obvious at the end but I kind of saw how they were fitting into the paradigm earlier on yep by the third one I was like okay yeah peace and whatnot also in the chat I have to acknowledge this someone asked can they get an oo-woo so I will happily oo-woo there you go you're welcome thank you for the two dollars in change for that oo-woo perfect something that this did very very well just something that I'm ecstatic about is the way that it did not hold your hand on this alternate universe yes and the way it delivered it just had me like what the fuck into high heaven as we keep going on man paper you need like a requisition for paper paper request denied yeah that was hilarious the stuff was really solid the choice to just do the dialogue that you did earlier that was very good it also just felt like a whole saga there were times I was like oh yeah we're still on this one it comes back to the horses oh yeah it's the horses one we're still on the horses one it covers such a large ground I like it UPDOOT CITY UPDOOT CITY I'm gonna look up the GoFundMe on my iPad rather than clicking the screen cause I don't know if it does a weird thing where it doesn't update perfectly every time I refresh it got it sometimes the GoFundMe does weird things that's fair very fair I'll check mine as well and the uh let's see was three white horses by the author they call me Tim as they