Now back to day four we had a short little break there about to go just before lunch and now when you talk about guys that are really inconspicuous and sort of just blend in it's kind of like this next speaker we got here. He's a really fun guy I've actually seen him in action totally cool very personal guy I know a lot of you have been getting advice from him and one of the speakers that I know a lot of people have been waiting to hear from former chief instructor or former instructor from Mihao I give you guys straight from the west coast my boy DJ Fuji here we go man. Alright can you guys hear me? How's everyone doing? I'm sorry someone's whispering to me I said how's everyone doing? I'm standing. Alright so first off I want to thank Dreeb for putting this together because it's one of the most well-run just conventions as a whole and I've spoken at the pick-up summit I've spoken at a bunch of different things and this one's by far one of the best ones I've seen so round of applause for Dreeb for putting this all together and I want to thank all the other speakers because I've been in the back taking notes just like you guys and some of the speakers have been giving me just some absolutely amazing content you know just in my own game my own development I see myself as a student which is why we'll talk about this in a little bit I kind of disassociate with that guru mindset so if you guys are going to ask me at a later point you know when did you know you were a guru this that's not how I see myself so just like just like all of you guys I'm taking notes in the back and I'm furthering my skill set along the same journey alright so not only do I want to thank the speakers though is I want to say thank all of you guys for not only coming out here supporting the events and taking time at your schedule but making that that or dedicating yourself to improving your skill set and improving your lives and by association all of the lives of people around you okay so today we're going to talk about something a little bit different and as you probably guessed by the title of the slide I'm not going to give you guys a lot of like little techniques or methodologies or tactics there will be something on here and there but primarily what we're going to talk about today is how to actually get good and there's a somewhat of a little known fact among the community that about 90 95% of guys never get good and no one it never seems to resonate with people it resonates with coaches so all the guys in the back know this but a lot of guys getting into this and I was this I was in your spot as well we're like oh you know it's going to be really good in six months will be really good I'm going to go out and I'm going to get results but the reality is that 95% of guys will never actually get good and that sucks that's that so my speech today is hopefully going to change that and that's the whole point of this all right all right so let's look at some of the stuff that we're going to talk about today alright first thing why fundamentals trump methods everyone wants to learn a method everyone wants to learn like the system I did martial arts for 12 years and we always wanted to learn the method I did karate I did shoot fighting like ground fighting and it was always teaching the method the methods great for business fortunately the method is not good for overall development so what I stress is fundamentals over the method so who here's been to the gym who here goes to the gym okay so you guys been to the gym you know there's methods at the gym there's like low rep high weight it's high weight low rep they're super sets there's max OT there's high intensity interval training there's all these different systems and it's always the same thing as a pick up it's like what system do I use do I use the the crazy one the high intensity with a low intensity with one of the body what builders are using which one do I use and when it comes down to it the guys that get results don't use one system what do they do they learn the fundamentals so we're going to go with the fundamentals and we're going to stress the fundamentals over learning an individual methodology okay what you need to learn about workshops alright the guys in the back may murder me after this but I'm going to give you guys the behind the scenes look at workshops and more importantly than that I'm going to teach you guys how to find good trainers now you guys are extremely fortunate here because nearly everyone who's spoken up here is a great trainer and I've seen those guys in field but there's a lot of other guys there's no certification process and pick up so you can throw up a website and all of a sudden be a teacher all of a sudden be a trainer and if you're just starting out in this sometimes it's really difficult to look at a website and say is this guy legit is because every website says the guy gets laid right every website says he's going to change your life in 72 hours so how do you tell the difference between someone who's actually good or more importantly someone who actually will be good for what you are where you're at and for your individual path and your journey and someone who's maybe a waste of time and we're going to go over that the importance of 10 words in three seconds we're going to do a quick drill and I'm going to show you guys why 10 words in three seconds can make or break your sets we've gotten flaky numbers before you guys never got flaky numbers down that's you guys should be up here teaching actually you should be teaching so flaky numbers are one of those things that we all get right it sucks and you get the number you feel like the man you go home you give her a call you get a voicemail right it rings twice so you know you got sent to voicemail you leave the voicemail and the next day no callback right so I'm gonna give you guys I'm gonna give you guys a way to completely eliminate I'd say about 95 percent of your flaky numbers now there's always going to be so it's gonna be that X factor right so she actually liked you but her dad died the next day right there's always things that you out of your control but about 95 percent of the time when you do this you're gonna avoid all those flakes how to guarantee success and pick up this sounds like a magic bullet I know except when I tell you guys this you're gonna say no shit you'd be like I've already heard that but the big question is not whether you've heard it it's whether you're doing it okay so quick ground rules before we start first one leave your egos at the door okay and the reason I say this is because the easiest way to absorb new stuff is to leave your ego at the door and that's obvious I want to go one step further and take this actionable and I want all of you guys for the next hour or so I want you to do me a favor and I want you to forget everything that you know about pickup social dynamics male-female relationships everything and this is the same thing that I do when I'm in the back right when I'm sitting in the back and I'm listening to a speaker sometimes they have a different methodology that I did that I have I go topo's a great example gone savage great example those guys are absolutely amazing and I've learned from those guys but we have different methodology sometimes but every time I hear them speak I say I know nothing I clear my mind and I absorb everything in and after that then I can integrate those elements to my game but if I put up the barrier first if I put up the wall first that's when I block things from even coming in okay so I want you start you guys to start with that second thing questions I'm fairly pressed for time because this is about a four-hour lecture that we've condensed into about an hour and 45 minutes so on questions I want you guys to write down your questions because you'll forget them so write them down and at the end we'll have a Q&A and you guys can ask them and last thing take notes and I realize most of you guys are taking notes but the crux of what I'm gonna talk about today is how to get good and part of getting good part of that process is dedication and so the guys that are taking notes and more importantly the guys that are reviewing their notes those are the guys that are getting ahead okay so moving on some of you guys are probably wondering who I am and why you should give a shit and some of you guys aren't but I'm gonna tell you anyway all right so it's pretty shade in this industry I'm sure we've heard it before or a guys like you know I wasn't always good with women you know I didn't start out he's like a seven foot tall Abercrombie model right you're like I just I wasn't getting results when I was like before all this right and then I learned the system right when I say I wasn't actually getting results I meant I sucked like really really bad I wasn't a 40-year-old version but I was one step behind him if I hadn't found this I would have been the 40-year-old version so I started off and I was a 19 20-year-old version which is the going to all along the same path is that 40-year-old and I started off and I was this super dorky Asian kid like I got straight A's and math everything basically and and I always thought like that this is one of those things where you either had it or you didn't and I was one of the guys that didn't have it and so the whole time you know it's different if you know maybe you just don't know how to escalate but you're popular in school you're well adjusted you're kind of one of the cool kids you just don't know how to escalate so you just fix that one thing and boom you're the man right I was not that guy I was the guy that I had never held a girl's hand at 20 years old I had never obviously kissed a girl or had sex or anything else I think all of us at some point or another throughout high school had a girl who had a crush on us even if it was a fat girl I never really had that so I never really experienced that aspect of it and this this was despite all of the the things that I was doing to try to compensate for that so I spent an entire 18 years of my life trying to overcompensate for all of the lack of social skills that I had so I thought okay cool I don't have any game but if I get good grades and I sit at the front the teacher will like me and then maybe the other girls will like me we all know that isn't right so and then that obviously didn't work so I thought okay well the jocks those are the guys that get girls so if I go and I get into high school and I get into sports get girls so I went into wrestling which is arguably the toughest sport in high school right and I lettered varsity was like awesome it's like 150 degrees in the summer and I'm wearing my varsity jacket right because I'm like I'm gonna wear this jacket I'm gonna get girls and didn't happen so I thought okay well maybe it's that you know it's that I don't have good fashion so I need to I need to amp that up so I was about to graduate and I decided why I'm gonna go to the Marines I have a marine uniform you know and so now how can I not get late this is the easiest should ever I've got a marine uniform I'm representing the tip of the spear in terms the United States military this should be an automatic shoe it but it wasn't right and every step of the way I was overcompensating one of the interesting things about the male ego is that it protects you there's a self protection mechanism so as unpopular as you can ever be in high school and I figure I was in the top I was in the bottom 5% somewhere around there right and the only thing that kept me from the bottom 1% is that I was an athlete and so but I was a needy athlete I was needy I didn't have any social skills I was awkward I didn't know what to talk to people so it doesn't matter how many accolades you have another any other area you're still going to be unpopular the interesting thing though is that my ego is telling me no your ego is kind of like your mom actually it's like no matter how unpopular you are it still loves you right it still tells you I know you're cool no it's you know it's not that bad you're like average you're not actually that dorky you know you're you're average and you're you're pretty cool you're normal but the funny thing about life is that life is the exact opposite and so what life does is life gives you clues sometimes they're not so subtle that you're not as cool as you think you are so for me the first clue came in eighth grade it's a funny story and I probably should post her picture up here but this is going out to the entire world there was this girl in eighth grade her name was Jamie Chen and I don't even like Asian girls but there was something about her she was tall and had long legs and had bangs and always wore daisy dukes to school right she was freaking gorgeous I thought and I had the biggest crush on this girl the whole time I just stared at this girl the whole freaking I wasn't she was in like every one of my classes so I just like obsessed over this girl and I decided at the end of eighth grade I need to make my move I need to do something this is fucking bullshit so I decided one day I got mustard up my courage in history it's like fifth period they said I'm gonna make my move I grabbed my history books I grabbed my yearbook I walked up to her and I said the whole class stopped because the whole class knew at this point whole class stops and I'm like hey and she looks up and she's like hi what's up and I said so I was wondering if maybe you know if you had time and like if you weren't busy and stuff you know if maybe you would if you'd sign my yearbook and she said yeah sure and I walked back I turned around and I wanted to cry right because I knew I fucked up I knew that I bitched out and I knew that that wasn't what I was supposed to do but you know that ego kicked in again and it said you know don't worry about it because she actually does like you and she's gonna come back and give you this yearbook thing and she's just shy she just doesn't know how to express her interest so you're gonna get this this signed yearbook but but it's going to be like her professing her undying love for you and then you guys are gonna you know realize you both like each other and you're gonna live happily ever after and so what happened was the next period six period rolls around and I get the yearbook back and I'm super excited right she comes she drops it off and you know I'm like thank you I wait for her to turn around and I grab it and I open it up and right on the inside cover not even on the front page at the inside cover I see a long signature like oh this is awesome it's like half the page right and the signature was looked really really good until I started to read it and I was like wait a minute this is not what I was expecting and the signature looked a little bit like this right here that's a little bit hard to read on the left so I've typed it all out on the right and I call it the unfuck your lifelist she called it I believe words of wisdom but either way this is the undying love letter from my biggest crush in eighth grade and it says Darren hey some words of wisdom grow taller get braces don't start your hair and don't wear your rate my mom thought it was a good idea you know so I didn't get my feet wet to wear galoshes over my shoes because I didn't want to catch a cold you know so I wore rain boots to school don't lock your backpack brush your teeth in fact that was so embarrassing that you can see I've actually scratched it out so that nobody who signed it afterward could see it the rest of the list apparently was okay so brush your teeth get a new wardrobe cut your hair and most importantly don't take it personally so yeah that's a little bit about where I came from so clue number two came about like years later right so my ego had time to recover from that so clue number two came about after I was already in the Marines and I managed to find a girlfriend and someone else up here said the same thing like they managed to find a girlfriend despite not having any skill by going on the internet right so I went on the internet and I knew I didn't have anything going for me but I had like I was good on paper right but every time I posted on like whatever match.com these sites people automatically filter on height like they filter filter on height and certain things so I wasn't getting anything so what I did is I did a keyword search for girls who had a fetish for short Asian guys if you can imagine how scarce those are right but I happened to find one and she was pretty cute and she only lived about 600 miles away right and so I was in the Marines and I told my boys hey you know I'm going to a concert so I'll be driving up to you know Northern California and you know I'm gonna do some business up there and they said cool so I got a few days off and drove my ass up to Northern California and met this girl and of course game or no game when you have a girl who has a fetish for your archetype it just happens right so I was like I'm gonna make this girl my girlfriend because there's not any other search results in that Google search she's the only one so I better make her something so I made her my girlfriend for four years she moved in with me it was cool thought we're gonna get married one of the things I didn't realize is that you don't have these skills you don't have the skills to keep a girl then it doesn't matter if you managed to con her into sleeping with you or if you managed to somehow get attraction and have her with you because you won't be able to keep her that's exactly what happened about two three years later I found out she was cheating and so luckily I had the resolve to say hey this is that's done with it but an interesting thing happened because a friend of ours a mutual friend of ours talked to us and he talked to me and he called me up and he said hey Megan's saying like some really funny stuff and I was like you know what's up and he said I was talking to her and I asked about you and I said you know how are you been doing and she was like spouting all this bullshit and I was like whatever she's just you know she's hurt you know that I broke up with her he's like no no well she said it's actually really funny because I asked you know like how you were doing and and she's like I feel honestly I feel really sorry for him because he'll never find another girlfriend he's only good on paper I don't think he'll ever get laid the rest of his life and he's like isn't that crazy man that's stupid that's ridiculous they're like an eligible bachelor and I said oh yeah yeah yeah man that's a that's stupid I'll talk to you later I hung up and I cried why because she was absolutely correct 100% right I had not been working on myself and I did not have the skills that we're teaching in this community there we wasn't even any real community back then but events like this events like this drive you to action and so the moment that I put the phone down I said to myself I said I'm gonna do whatever it takes to fix this I don't care what I have to do I don't care where I have to go I'm gonna fix this problem because it's the second time this has happened and this is no coincidence I'm gonna do whatever it takes to fix this so I found the community and I went through what we call the pain period some of you guys are going through that right now okay and it's that period where you're just getting started in this and maybe you're synthetic like me which is a non-natural and you're not getting the results that you want you're putting a lot of effort into this Arnold in the book he wrote Arnold Schwarzenegger talked about the pain period and how every athlete has to go through that pain period and if he doesn't then he what happens he drops off and it's the reason I see and Tyler and I talked about this we see about 80% of community guys drop out in the first six months I'm sure those of you guys have been around a while you've seen the same thing and it's unfortunate but it's because those guys are not willing to go through the pain period that pain period is absolutely necessary so for me that period meant six months of going out six days a week opening 20 to 30 sets and getting blown out of 20 to 30 sets it meant going out and massively pushing yourself it meant going out and risking rejection every night just like you guys do and going and taking it to the extreme it was so bad at one point that one of my natural wings said why do you do this why do you like keep doing this you just got blown out of eight sets in a row I've watched like why are you not crying in a corner and I said because three months ago I couldn't even walk up to her and six months ago I couldn't even entertain the thought of walking up to her so while that set may not have hooked every when I look back on who I used to be I can see progression and that's what drives me forward so let's look at some of the stuff that I want to talk to you guys about today actually step back for a minute after we went through the pain period right and at some point all of us will get through that period you just have to be really really dedicated to drive through that and at some point once I got through that and I started getting more results I got recruited to me howling and that's how most of you guys know me and for the next two or so years I was a chief instructor for me how I did all the live training I did all the boot camps I did all the continuity all the long-term training and all the instructor training and the great part about this is every stage of my life there was growth in a different area and in this part this area of growth was about teaching and don't let anyone ever tell you that if you're good at pickup you can be a good coach this is not true they're two distinct skill sets and even if you're the best guy in the world at pickup you can be the most awful coach Karim Abdul-Jabbar arguably one of the best basketball players of all time is really not a coach at all nobody will even let him be a coach in fact for the most for the biggest part of the last 40 some years no one's even let him be a commentator on sports very rarely is a commentator because he's awful at anything other than playing the game so it was the same thing at this point right here I actually learned I went right back to basics I said wow and newbie again I went back to basics and I learned how to be an instructor and at that point just like I asked all of you guys to do in pushing your comfort zone I realized now is the time to push my own comfort zone now is the time to step forward into the unknown and go do my own thing it was the right time so that's when I found it to die of Fuji so that's a little bit about where I am and where I came from my background my training philosophy revolves around live training and revolves around the fact that fundamentals are what's important not individual tactics or methodologies because like I told Mike the other day when you have the fundamentals state doesn't matter how many of us are state dependent or used to be state dependent how many of us if we're not in good state shit sucks right if you have fundamentals okay what state does it just smooths out all of your subcommunication so yet if you have great state all of a sudden you stop leaning in all of a sudden you're funny all of a sudden you're joking around but if you don't have those fundamentals to begin with then all you're doing is relying on state to correct bad habits imagine you're playing basketball and you're on fire and when you're on fire you can dribble but when you're not on fire you can't dribble so every time you're in state you can do amazing basketball but every time you're not you can't do anything that's what it's like for most guys in pick up so when you focus on the fundamentals state doesn't make a difference if you're in bad state good state all it is is a tiny boost makes sense all right the formula for success actually went one ahead I call it date right DT&E who can tell me what to think D is no you don't count someone else sort of no okay these three factors right here will guarantee you success if you do them and once I tell you what they are you're gonna be like oh I've heard that before but I ask you how many of you guys are actually doing that and that's what we're gonna focus on so what is D someone someone take a chance discipline bingo so D is discipline not that kind of discipline actually that kind of discipline okay and discipline who can tell me what they think discipline means to part of it what else it's part of it too what else it's more of the third one we're gonna talk about that's part of it that discipline is doing what's necessary to get the job done even when you don't want to do it discipline encompasses preparation okay every time I stand up here ask how many guys go out with an index card with three things written on the index card and those three things are the things they're gonna work on that night and I'll be lucky if one person raises their hand how many guys that are synthetics or non-naturals have an established stack that they go out with have a completely written out stack they're going out with in order to automate their verbals again I'll be lucky if one person raises their hand this preparation is key Sun Tzu in the art of war said that every battle is won or lost before it's ever fought discipline encompasses that preparation it encompasses doing all the things that you know you should do but no one actually does okay discipline like this guy is going to the gym when he doesn't want to go discipline means going on the field when you're tired when you don't feel like it when you know you should to work on a skill set but you're just you're in a bad mood you don't feel like going out it means going out anyway it's consistency is what you guys are saying right so discipline is one of the key components of getting good and if you don't have that and we all know we all can look inward and ask ourselves are we giving it a hundred percent if you don't have that start working on that because without discipline everything else falls apart without discipline all you're relying on is talent and I don't know about you guys but I didn't have a lot of talent growing up I could not rely on talent talent was something that I had to put on the back burner and instill discipline in order to actually get results right second thing who thinks they know what T stands for so I'm gonna take a guess training training is important it's critically important and we know this in every other field but this one so if you're learning martial arts and you tell your dad hey I'm gonna learn how to defend myself so I'm gonna learn martial arts and he's like cool like what are you gonna do you're like well I downloaded this e-book and this DVD product it's Taibo and I'm just gonna like watch it and I'm gonna emulate it and I'm gonna do it and then after a few times of watching it I'm gonna go on the street and I'm just gonna get into fights I'm just gonna like pick fights and like all eventually get good by getting beat up enough right like I'll all go to the fights and then you know what your dad gonna say say you're under goddamn mind he's gonna say why don't you actually go do something proactive about it get training and go do it if you were bad at math and you told your dad oh I'm just gonna pick up a book and I don't understand any of it but I'm gonna pick a book and I'm gonna keep doing it over and over and over and then I'm gonna go to the grocery store and I'm gonna buy things with ridiculous amounts of change and then try to do it in my head that's gonna be like why don't you just hire a tutor and then bypass all of that right in every other scenario in every other field whether it's sports whether it's a skill anything else we take this for granted and this is one of those things where even in the community we let society's viewpoint creep into our reality society's viewpoint says what it says we should not take training says fuck training it says be yourself says if you don't have it that's too bad you'll never have it and just be yourself and live in mediocrity it's just it's cool you'll find someone in your own social class in your own area and you'll be happy and that's the end of that and we all know that better than that we all know that there is a way to get better there is a way to improve okay and that way is through training and that's not necessarily training through a coach that's having mentors a lot of the guys in the back of this room are my mentors a lot of the guys that are presented here gone savage the first guy I took a bootcamp with a lot of the guys here are guys that I trained with guys that got me better and a lot of guys were naturals that got me better a lot of guys were guys in the community that I went out with but I took advantage of all the guys that were better than me and all the guys that were on the same level or maybe weren't as good as me but I learned something from each and every one of those guys training encompasses learning things from everybody and it encompasses especially learning things and going out and finding guys that are better than you a great way obviously and what I do is to take training from somebody and it could be me it could be one of these guys it could be someone that you trust but taking training will knock off a good six to 12 months off your learning curve and I don't know about you guys but six to 12 months off my learning curve that's worth it that's worth the small thing that I got to pay to put in some overtime all right now the third thing you can tell me what he stands for we're gonna back up one actually cuz I'm gonna give you guys on training I'm gonna give you guys some guidelines on how to find training because I never got this when I was starting out that's the one thing I wanted was like how do I find a guy that I want to train with besides just googling it how do I find a guy that I actually trust so this is what I found by the school of hard knocks what to look for okay what to look for in coaching and training no one ever told me this no one ever teaches this maybe for a good reason but what to look for in coaches okay so the first thing is read the reviews don't take training just because you feel like it just because that's the first guy it's like buying a house because that's the first one you looked at read the reviews just like if you make a humongous purchase you do some research in advance read the reviews good and bad get a feel for this guy's style maybe a style is not conducive to you if you know you're a guy that cannot take criticism you can't take harsh criticism and you read the reviews on a coach say you read the reviews on me and I yell at guys and you know you're gonna crumble under that well then that's not maybe not necessarily a good fit so read the reviews make sure you know what you're getting into make sure they have a refund policy make sure that there's a satisfaction guaranteed because if they don't have that in my opinion I wouldn't even go with them any coach worth assault knows that is confident enough in his abilities to say if you're unhappy for whatever reason here's your money back and if he's not confident in doing that then he's probably gotten too many refund requests all right make sure that they stick with students when you're actually in field if you have a coach that runs off and start his own sets it's no good right you're not paying for that guy to go off and charge his own sets unless he's specifically showing you something you're paying for that guy to stick with students you're paying for that guy to train you so make sure he doesn't do that don't I realize that coaches a lot of times have a strong frame so when you bring that up they're gonna be like well this is my frame and whatever right don't take that let them know you're unhappy request refunds if that's what you have to do all right make sure that your coach is willing to demo he's telling you what to do and you're not getting it and you're saying I don't see I don't I can't figure out how to do that and you ask him and you ask him to demo make sure that he's willing to do that if he won't demo there's a problem there make sure that your coach is still working on himself make sure that he's along the same journey that he's not just faking the funk that he's on the same path that you are that he's working on himself and that he knows his own sticking points make sure that he doesn't get drunk and a lot of this seems self-explanatory a lot of this seems like well no shit I'm sure he doesn't get drunk you'd be surprised how many coaches get fucking hammered on boot camps stupid drunk on boot camps I don't get drunk at work you guys get drunk at work okay what you do if you get drunk at work probably not gonna be working there very long right what we do is a job like anything else and I don't care if it's in a bar or not if you're a bartender or you're a bar back and you get hammered guess what that's your last day this is the same thing don't put up with that all right make sure you get a debrief at the end of the night if you want to be successful by taking coaching at the end of the night you need a debrief to know what you need to work on what are your strengths what your weaknesses and what do you want to how do you want to address those weaknesses how are you gonna get better okay and if the coach is willing to do that if he's not doing that then ask him for that ask him for a debrief what did you see that I was doing right that I was doing wrong how can I work on that stuff how can I get better at that stuff finally make sure that your coach pushes you past your comfort zone make sure that he pushes you and has you do things that you are not comfortable with because if you go that entire bootcamp and you're 100% comfortable the whole time guess what you didn't learn anything you didn't grow at all growth is when you push yourself growth is when you're uncomfortable all right any questions on this okay last one execution how am I doing on time guys time good all right okay so execution execution is actually getting out there and doing it right so we have the preparation which is the discipline preparing writing a routine stack if you're synthetic right preparing doing drills working on yourself getting ready doing all that stuff to get ready for the field having goals when you go out don't go out aimlessly like most guys do most guys go out hey what are you working on I don't know man I don't know man I'm just gonna do my thing I'm gonna open some sets and I'm gonna I'm gonna try to just you know get laid but most guys do in the community that's why most guys don't get results make sure that you have specific goals when you go out you know that's preparation when we go to training when you have training and you start working on your sticking points finally execution is the third piece of the puzzle with execution you have to actually be doing it you have to actually be pushing your comfort zone you have to get out there and open and escalate go into comfort escalate the interaction quinoa escalate close pull the trigger any one of these key points in discipline training and execution you miss any one of these key points and they'll drag the other ones down so execution is going out there we all know guys that read and study and do other stuff but when they get out there they don't do it they don't get out there and push themselves if you're not uncomfortable when you go and field constantly then it means you're not growing the growth process comes with execution alright any questions before we move on alright let's talk about some pitfalls to avoid and then we'll do some exercises after that alright so common pitfalls that you guys are either falling into right now and possibly not aware of or pitfalls where you may be falling into these in the future first one not being well rounded this is a big big thing at the beginning of pick up all of us thought that we this is what we could do we thought that I can be a lame guy I can be just myself and everything that I was for the last 18 20 30 years but if I learned these routines if I learned these lines then I'm going to get attraction and then I learned these lines how to qualify then I learned these lines and how to do comfort and then I'm gonna get the girl and all I have to do is learn these techniques and it'll be fine now today hopefully we know a little bit better today we know that getting the girl or getting results in this is much more than learning the lines or learning the tactics today getting the girl or getting results in this is about being well-rounded it's about being attractive as a whole as a person and a lot of guys aren't well rounded because they don't work on the individual facets of themselves you know someone said that when you look at an attractive man there are three elements to that attractive guy there's his outer game like a tactical ability does he know what to do does he know when and how to do it or how it went and how to say it there's his inner game his beliefs about himself his self esteem his sense of confidence and there's his lifestyle it's what kind of life does he live does he live a life that draws people into it does he live a life that women want to be a part of a world and a reality that women want to be a part of those are those three main facets and if any one of those facets are missing just like our DT&E it'll drag the other ones down so I want you guys to think about it I want you guys to look and say what am I working on am I working on all three of those things because if you're not those things are dragging the other two behind well they're dragging the other one behind so not being well-rounded it's a very very key concept not working on yourself this is related again in order to get results in this you have to be an attractive guy and I know that sounds like a no shit concept in order to be an attractive guy it means you need to be working on yourself every time I take a bootcamp out I point out that one guy in the club one guy that I was all the girls around I say you see that guy right everyone looks at him and say yeah you say that guy spent an extraordinary amount of time working on himself then I point out that girl and I point out the hot girl all the guys around her say you know how much time and effort that girl has spent putting into herself to make herself attractive probably the same or more than that guy now we look at most guys in the club look at that guy standing there holding his beer like this in the corner you know how much time he spent putting himself very little a lot of what makes us attractive is not only the process of working on ourselves but the actual results involved in actually going forward and working on ourselves I won't go most up man time okay alright so make sure that you're working on yourself overall make sure that you have fun hobbies make sure that you have a great lifestyle make sure that you're working on your belief systems make sure that you're working on the things that you do you're having an interesting life work on yourself as a whole that means all of us should have a bucket list if you don't have a bucket list if you don't have a list of things that you want to do before you die then you need to make one a lot of us don't sit down and say what are my goals in life not just to pick up what are my goals financially what are my goals and in personal development what are my goals just in life in general what are my goals in relationships or maybe in family or an internal development most of us don't have that list you don't have that list how are you gonna actually go about achieving those goals go home and write down those things go home and make those lists and every week you look at that list and you say what am I doing to address these things okay this is the process of growth and this is the process of getting better all right one more and then we'll break next one being dogmatic in the community just like martial arts a lot of people want to buy into a system a lot of people want to buy into an idea that this is the one true way it's the big fallacy Nick Savoy once told me about the fallacy the one true way that this is the only way to get results and this is the most effective way and this is the one method that'll solve everything my idea is don't be dogmatic about your method don't be dogmatic about what you do don't be dogmatic about your beliefs and I know this first-hand experience you ever guys ever look at the old boards from like 0506 you ever see my name I'll be I'll be talking about mystery method like it's the next coming of Christ okay because I did mystery method for two and a half years that's all I did and I was hardcore mystery method I could teach mystery method I knew every I read the Venusian art handbook like eight times back-to-back I knew everything there was to know about mystery method and I remain completely dogmatic until two and a half years past and I realized all of the weaknesses of any given method if you focus in on that method and don't do anything else you will then succumb to those weaknesses and I realized in methods like in methods like indirect they don't teach dominance so guess what I don't have I don't need diamonds I have no idea how to be dominant I have no idea how to approach directs I have no idea how to convey sexuality again none of those things were taught every method has a downfall every methodology or every rigid structure has weaknesses so instead of going out and believing in one structure and saying this is the one true way and that's all I have to listen to and fuck everything else and this will get me results instead of doing that don't be dogmatic keep an open mind have a very free-flowing idea of who you are and what you're trying to do and learn from everyone and everything around you naturals guys in the community parents anyone you can learn from learn from those people and that's where the growth comes from all right so I've got a bunch of other stuff and we got some exercises let's break for lunch guys all right guys welcome back from lunch we're going to continue right where we left off with pitfalls to avoid again to recap the a lot of these things the same types of problems same types of pitfalls most people will fall into it's why it's so easy to predict what sticking points are going to be so by going over these things hopefully when you reach them or if you've already reached them or you're already feeling you're experiencing these things you're going to see them and say okay this is what I'm experiencing and this is how to fix it alright so we left off on being dogmatic the next thing is your ego and overinflated standards so the funny thing about ego is that it's a scapegoat in the community you've noticed that like anytime anything goes wrong it's your ego like your ego is too big your ego is getting in the way and for the longest time no one had defined ego for me so I couldn't I didn't have a real concise definition for what this was my understanding on the ego and I'm not a super inner game spirituality type person but the ego to me is your self-concept it's how you see yourself and that can be either rigid or that can be free-flowing the problem is that if it's rigid everything that you do will try to keep everything rigid with that ego like with who you think you are so the way this ties back into overinflated standards are that a lot of guys in the community have ridiculous standards okay the funniest thing is that if you ever see naturals out they have no standards like they will do anything like they will literally fuck anything right and we've all been out with naturals and you notice that don't do anything you're like why and then we come across other guys that have no start that have the highest standards at all who's the only guy who only does 10s anyone know who's the only guy who only does 10s I will only do a 10 versions versions are the only ones that have that ridiculous standard and you're like why how do you you're a virgin why do you have such high standards and it's because they're tying their ego their self-concept with an external source which in this case is the girls right so say for example that for the for the lack of a better term that you've slept with a hundred girls right hundred and first comes around and she's seven she's cute you like her you're into her you connect with her and you sleep with her right that hundred first girl you don't see as reflecting upon you or your self-worth that's just you made a connection you like the girl she likes you it happens that's a natural part being human now say for example that you're a version you're 25 and you obviously never slept with a girl and you see a six and you're talking to her and you're connecting but then it comes time down to escalating and you say well if I sleep with her and I'm a virgin well then I'm the type of guy who only closes sixes that's all you've got and no no no I'm a guy with standards I don't close sixes so forget it no no no I only close 10s I'm not I'm not going to do it so he remains a virgin and he remains a virgin because of his overinflated standards so what I want you guys to do is release your ego from the girls that you're meeting okay when we go out it's very easy to attach those things together but when you release them all of a sudden you're that natural and the reason the natural doesn't care is because if a girl is not everyone else's idea of a 10 it doesn't bother him he does not derive his own sense of self-worth from the beauty or what other people consider to be the beauty of the girl that he's with he is who he is and whatever everyone else thinks about him is inconsequential and that's a really really key point because when you're going out you should be going out to focus on the process of getting good if you go out focusing on the outcome then you're doing the classic mistake of penny-wise pound foolish you're focusing on the short term and the long term you're sacrificing your own development so this is the next thing focusing on outcome this is one of those things we've all probably heard at one time or another and outcome independence most of us have heard this mystery is a big proponent of this but very few of us actually do it and I have to constantly time and time remind myself and remind my students that you're focusing on the process not the outcome I know that sounds simple but picture the scenario you're out in field and you see a fourth and you see a girl that you're not sexually attracted to and there's all guys around you're in the venue probably like last night at iBalk than you guys were there where there's just all guys around right or there's all whatever there's no sense right and there's a four there and you can either hang with your friends or you can start as the four and you think well I would never do her why would I even bother I'm not gonna escalate I'm not gonna interact with her why would I bother because I'm having more fun with my friends and then I ask you are you at the bar to get the girl or you at the bar to get the skill and if you're at the bar to get the skill go home call a hooker and have her come over and you will have the girl it's guaranteed you're there to get the skill and you're there to get the skill over almost anything else and if you go to the bar specifically with that goal in mind of having the skill of acquiring the skill then you'll sacrifice all the short-term bullshit in order to develop the long-term skill it's like the thing of the guide the fisherman right teaching a guy to fish versus giving him a fish you want to learn how to fish you don't want to just continually be buying fish you want to learn that skill set so by focusing on the process instead of focusing on the outcome you kill a few birds with one stone one you always make sure that you're you're furthering the process you're furthering the learning process the second thing is that you don't telegraph neediness if you go to the bar and you think I want to get laid I'm going to the bar to get laid I'm going to pick up a girl I'm going to meet somebody what are you telegraphing you're telegraphing that I'm looking for something when you walk up to a set you open a set guess what you want something from those people and they sense it how many of us have been out when that guy comes up to us and he's like hey buddy and you're like this guy's gonna ask me for money you just know he could be wearing a fucking suit and you know you're just like in the back of your head you're like this guy's gonna ask me for money and he's like hey what's your name and you're like a DJ and he's like oh my I'm John he's like hey man you know I'm just I'm down to my look I need some spirit you're like I knew that was coming why did you know that was coming because he approached with an agenda and you smelled it on him he approached by being needy you smelled it on him girls do the exact same thing they're just 10 times more cute than you are so before you even walk up you walk in a venue they smell that from across the room that hey this guy has an agenda he's not here to have fun or here to whatever he's here to meet somebody he's here because he's needy he's here to get laid and that's the problem so both of those things come you know they come together and when you focus on the process versus the outcome you knock out both of those stones or both of those birds with one stone does that make sense you guys all right next one guru worship this one's a fun one there's a lot of guru worship in this industry and some people have talked about it and it's a pretty standard thing you know anytime you have an industry where there is industry leaders or there's you know people that that are teaching or doing whatever there's an automatic thing of worship if any of you guys knew me like back in the day like savage can attest to this I was like the man of guru worship I worshipped everybody I just that was what I did what I eventually learned is that it holds back your development so independent of it obviously being lame it holds back your own development and I'm obviously a big proponent of stressing overall progress and development is a result so the reason the guru worship the reason that it holds you back overall is because when you look up at a guru or whatever supposed to be a guru you're like oh that guy's guru he's a coach he's an instructor he's whatever you look at him and if you deify him if you look at him like a god or look at him different you can no longer associate with him which is the same reason that I refuse to be called a guru because it instantly disassociates me with all of you guys all of a sudden I'm not that guy that we saw in the picture three slides back there was a dork who couldn't get late at 20 that's not me I'm a god and I've always been that way and I'm cut from a different cloth and I don't when I get pricked I don't breathe I don't bleed right I'm a different person that's the problem with the guru thing is it disassociates don't ever buy into the idea that anybody on this stage or anybody that you might learn from whether to pick up or otherwise is different than you guys we are all the same people we have the same experiences I'm sure a lot of you guys can relate to my story because we have the same types of things we're all human and the only thing that separates someone who's standing on this stage from someone who's sitting in the chair is a few thousand approaches that's it it's not a master skill set it's not an instinct it's not any of that crap it's a few thousand approaches and as psych pointed out yesterday or a couple days ago when you get those approaches down you go from a guy sitting in the audience to a guy speaking here and hopefully giving back hopefully giving back and and talking about the things that you've learned along your way to help the other guys coming up but it hasn't been that long since all of us on stage we're sitting down where you guys were that's why I'm saying the guru worship thing is all bullshit don't fall into it there are guys that are better than you just like I look up to guys that are my mentors financially right and I might seek their advice but I keep in mind that we are all people and that on an intrinsic level these people are no different than I am they just have more experience financially or in business or in other things and then pick up it's the same way just because we all value the skill of meeting women and being able to attract women doesn't mean that a guy who's better at it is worth any more than anyone else in this room does that make sense to you guys okay continue alright so let's talk about tactical sticking points okay so this is the stuff that we're actually doing in field we talked about concepts a little bit this is the stuff what's actually going on in field that a lot of guys are doing the same thing over and over I'd say these next say five or six sticking points are things that everyone is going to experience at some time or another so the first one stalling too many questions how many people here have stalled and set most all of us right it's a really really common thing because you're going up to someone and in reality what are you doing you're going up and you're presenting a speech you're doing public speaking on some level right you're going up you're approaching people who not not necessarily want to meet you right up front and you're talking that's all it is a one set is no different than me being up here and talking to a hundred cent it's the same thing it's the same general concepts and so if you're experiencing it like being in set and stalling a lot or asking too many questions the easiest way to fix this now you can fix this from the inside out as Gon Savage you talk right or you can fix it from the outside in okay if you focus it if you fix it from the inside out and I'm not saying one way is any necessarily any better than the other but it's easier and faster to go outside in it's like how do you get confidence okay you can get confidence by telling yourself you're confident and by doing positive affirmations and by working on yourself spiritually and doing all this other stuff or you can just face your fears you can face your fears and become confident because your life experiences reflect a confident guy it's a much faster path so with if you're stalling you're asking too many questions one of the easiest ways to fix that is to automate your verbals you're stalling because you run out of things to say because you just don't know what to say you're freezing up automate your verbals have something to say before you go in remember preparation right the discipline the D and D and DT and E make sure that you go in with a game plan it'd be like if I walked up here and got on stage didn't know much about pickup got up here and tried to talk without a game plan without anything prepared I'd walk up and be like hey I don't know to talk about you guys have anything I would have no idea right not only would that cause a ton of approaching anxiety because I was unprepared but I'd walk in and stall exactly the way we all have done and set when you automate your verbals you know and you're going that you're going in with a game plan you know that you're going and you're like you know maybe I don't have my body language nailed down maybe you don't have some of the stuff nailed down I don't care about what to say because I already know it's all up here it's all already up here it's all already on autopilot and while my brain or while my mouth is moving on autopilot my brain can be thinking about everything else you guys lean in a lot the easiest way to fix leaning in is to start thinking about not leaning in the problem is that you can't think about that and think about what do I say next the same time because your brain will not compute those two things so if you're constantly worrying about what to say next nothing else you'll you won't put a focus on anything else in that interaction so you automate your verbals if you guys aren't naturals if your synthetics like me then you want to stack it doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a rigid crazy stack and it's got to like do with an opener and then an attraction routine or whatever but you want to prepare some sort of material in advance the best stand-up comics the guys who can get on stage and riff off of the entire audience still go up with a game plan it's not necessarily a rigid thing that I have to follow every time but it is a general game plan and the guys just starting out they go in with a more structured game plan but nobody gets on stage for the first time and says I'm not going to go anything I'm just going to hope that a miracle happens when I get on stage it doesn't work that way make sure that you prepare that stuff in advance I'm not saying you're going to do this for the entire time for as long as you're in pickup you're going to do this but it is a training will like anything else and it helps you along that path if you're asking too many questions the same thing why do people ask questions to keep the conversation going why are you trying to keep the conversation going because you want to talk to her and you don't have anything interesting to say right now obviously there's there's tactics and things you can do there's exercises you can do to free associate and that's definitely a an important thing to learn but at its core the easiest way to fix that too many questions stalling thing is to automate your verbal so you don't have to think about it remember that verbals what you say the words are 7% of total communication that means the other 90 93% is everything not to do with your words it's your tonality your body language all other stuff so if we're looking at what's important in the interaction it's not the words that you say so you might as well automate that just like business you might as well automate the unimportant stuff so that you can actually focus on calibration calibration is so hard because we can't focus on calibration and what to say at the same time make sense all right no keynote it's a big thing this is a thing is the sticking point all of these sticking points have come from my own developments they've all come from things that I've screwed up before and no keynote was a thing that was always a problem because guys would come in and they'd be like hey when is keynote gonna get here she gonna get here anytime soon tell her she should show up right my wings trying to let me know you know more or I had instructor say hey just keynote more just keynote more but nobody ever told me how I was like well that's cool but that's like telling a blind man to just see don't do just just open your eyes and see just not that easy right if no one tells you how to keynote you're just hey what's up how are you you don't know how it's just awkward and you feel that awkwardness so you hesitate the easiest way to start keynote is to keynote right off the opener as soon as you open touch her on the shoulder or on the on the arm right here just a quick tap right on the opener because from that point forward you've established the momentum we've all been at this point where we see the cute girl like not even in clubs say at the beach right and we walk up and we sit down right next to her and we think about okay how am I gonna open and then we think for like 20 minutes by the time it comes time for you to actually open her she realizes you've been sitting over there for 20 minutes like thinking about something then all of a sudden you open her and you're super nervous because you've been thinking about it for 20 minutes you've been contemplating what's the perfect opener whereas if you threw your blanket down you lay down you're like hey what's up all of a sudden you've broken that all at once and it's the same thing with getting keynote started right you open the set with keynote and from that point on the keynote is natural the keynote is like everything that you do after that is you're a touchy feely guy whereas if you open and talk for 10 minutes don't touch her at all the moment you touch her after that it's always going to be a big move because you went from nothing for 10 minutes to then trying to touch her and then it's weird we've all been there okay so keynote right on the open we're gonna do an exercise on this in a little bit not qualifying or escalating okay I guarantee you 99% of this room is not qualifying correctly who can give me a definition for qualification but hence no question or no those are elements of qualification and they're important elements but they're not the crux of qualification exactly right you cheated I told you that last night all right qualification the crux of qualification is telling her why you like her for more than her looks now there are other elements to that they're screening right there's releasing there's all these other things to there's investment but the main thing remember back remember back in the venusia not handbook when mystery first broke down the basic interaction that all of us are basing our stuff off of and he said there's a traction comfort seduction he said in attraction you have female to male interest and then you have male to female interest male to female interest not screening not asking her what does she have going for her besides her looks not asking her if she can cook male to female interest qualification is hitting on her and the biggest problem that I had with indirect is that they didn't stress that enough and so entire methods were created to compensate for the fact that guys going indirect did not know how to show interest and it was the biggest sticking point all of us an MM all of us an indirect had we did not know how to show interest so with qualification most guys qualify like this and it's probably resonate with all you guys because it definitely resonates with what I used to do they say hey so are you fun she's like yes you're like cool you're like so what do you have going for you besides your looks and she's like say she's attracted she says I don't know I'm like a really like down-to-earth person and you know I'm really whatever I'm really driven I'm going to get my my master's degree and I'm a really good friend and right as she's invested what does 99% of the community do cool oh yeah so yeah I'm a really good friend so the other day I was out did you show any interest there any at all if the quick acid test that I told my guys is if you think you've qualified and you go to the bathroom and I sit down next to your girl and I say hey I'm a John's friend why does he like you she doesn't immediately know she can immediately recite why you like her you didn't qualify at all you just completely skip that and the interesting thing about qualification is that it's one of the few steps that you can't skip in the interaction now there's obviously always exceptions but for the most part you can't skip that and if you try to even if you're an advanced guy you try to once like you try to it comes back to haunt you if you don't qualify how many of us have already gotten this right we take her home we're doing really well and we're escalating this in the bedroom and it's like we're like dude it's on she's like oh wait hold on slow down why do you like me she ever asked that that means you didn't qualify you didn't tell her I like you and this is why now it's a little bit more sophisticated than those words but if you have to do that then that's what you got to do because you have to let her know you actually like her and the vast majority of guys don't do that okay what's your question okay what would you say just just on this qualifying part what would you say about overdoing qualifying you talked some about like you know not doing enough if you like you know when do you stop or where do you draw with qualifying yeah I had broken down qualification into a four-step submodel because he just because I think linearly I think very logically and like it was the easiest way to go about it with me you qualify until she becomes uncomfortable then you release that's pretty much it in a nutshell that's what it is she likes you you start to show her interest and you start to show her progressively more interest the more interest she shows you she shouldn't have to throw herself at you before you start to say oh you're kind of cool right it should be a gradual mutual seduction so she starts to show interest in you you start to show interest in her now if we're looking at this from a tactical from a really technical standpoint all that's really going on is she's throwing ios at you you're calibrating by throwing them back and you're rewarding her ios telling her hey this is good I like when you show me interest and then you show her interest and that's what creates that mutual seduction right because you're continually showing each other more and more interest and every time she shows you that you reward with your interest or you reward with sexuality reward of things that make her feel good and that's kind of how works the moment that you step over the line and you go a little bit too far simply step back it's like what site was talking about with dance floor game the moment you go too far she's uncomfortable step back same thing with Kino you touch a little bit too much she's uncomfortable step back that's it make sense perfect all right okay so with qualifying I would say this is the biggest thinking point in the community for guys that can approach for guys that are approaching and they're getting numbers they're getting some attraction this is the biggest thinking point no one ever qualifies and it's because most people don't know what qualification is and when they finally figured out it dawns on them right someone here just got a lay from that you just told me on the break okay because they finally started showing interest in the girl most guys don't do that I'll give you guys a few really quick ways of doing that okay my favorite way is going very very simple you don't have to do anything complex you throw a few like are you fun are you adventurous whatever you throw a few screening questions in there right she says yes she qualifies herself you start to show more and more interest the easiest way that I really solidify qualification is I lock lock in right who doesn't know what locking in this anyone okay so you lock in right say against the bar or something you grab her by the belt loops you pull her into you now you're hip-to-hip you say you know what she says what and you look away you're like never mind it's stupid every time she says no no what is it what do you think you're like I like you she says I like you too all of a sudden you've gone from high energy crazy flat laughing dancing to boo connection bubble all of a sudden you're in that connection bubble all of a sudden now you're talking about you and her that's what you're forming there it doesn't qualification doesn't have to be anything fancy doesn't have to be anything super crazy it's simply telling her and you can do this in your own words telling her that you like her my weight camouflage he says I have a crush on you I have a confession to make same structure right lock in grab by the belt loops pull her in I have a confession to make she's what is it it's like I have a crush on you same type of thing but if you miss that point where you tell her you like her nothing else after that that goes anywhere and even if you manage to Kino escalate and do everything else in endgame you're going to get why do I like you every time every time Savoy Savoy even has it on his blog he was telling me a couple times that he got sloppy because he got drunk he didn't qualify he's like I'm Savoy I could do that whatever I don't need that and then in the bedroom why do you like me he's like god damn it it always comes back to bite you okay so make sure you qualify okay escalation same thing right most guys don't escalate when I say escalate there's two types of escalation I'm talking about a lot of us think escalation is just Kino escalate but there's interaction escalation the escalation of where the entire interaction is going and Kino obviously is going to follow that so at the beginning your Kino is going to be playful it's going to be platonic and as you get further along Kino is going to get more sexual it's going to get more flirty but the interaction escalation is what a lot of guys don't see so they open and what do they do they get stuck in attraction or they get stuck on the opener or they get stuck on a one phase and they don't ever leave that phase now these phases of course are all a cognitive model they don't actually exist but they're useful for figuring out where you are in this whole thing and if you get stuck at one point you'll never actually get further and what's over here delay what's over here relationship or whatever we want out of this but if you're stuck here nothing doing nothing happening that's why you don't want to stay in attraction forever that's why you don't want to stay even in comfort forever you stay in comfort and you don't escalate same thing you stay in the opening phases same thing you want to be constantly pushing the interaction to see where you can take it and push the envelope go further than you think you can last night Adana said he said go out and Kino so much you get slapped in the face because you know what Sally had said he said only those who go too far can possibly find out how far one can go and it is absolutely true if you don't push the line you'll never figure out where the limit is and most of us think the limits right here so we just shy away from that we're like I don't know the limits right there I can't pass that I can't go that that's the line right there and then when you lift the curtain guess what the limits over there the limit is way way down there does that make sense to you guys all right false ejecting who knows what false ejecting is even if there's a good reason for you to leave no leave the only good reasons to leave are a she asks you to leave hey please leave the security comes see I pull you out of set D they walk away from you or e the buildings on fire aside from that don't leave the set when the girls giving you straight disinterest and you're like dude she's just not talking she's rolling her eyes at me she's looking away she's doing everything possible to tell you to leave but she doesn't walk away it's still on it is still motherfucking on if she does not walk away and you will have set where you lay the girl when you the first five minutes all you want to do is eject all you want to do is get out of there cuz you're like this is uncomfortable I don't want to be here she's showing me disinterest and push it and guess what that was all just a facade that was all just her playing hard to get well that was her sister watching her and she don't want to be a slut or that was her mom behind you or that was her boyfriend whatever there's a lot of different reasons for that do not false eject stay in every set if worse comes to worst worst case scenario is you stay in and you don't get anywhere you just escalate and she finally walks away she finally blows out you're like that was dumb I could have saved myself 20 minutes by just ejecting early by ejecting 20 minutes earlier what would you have done in those 20 minutes probably stood around with your guy friends instead what did you do by staying in that set for 20 minutes you built the resistance to social pressure all of a sudden all this social pressure on you to eject everyone's feeling it you're feeling it the most because she's throwing you all this disinterest you're feeling all that stuff but you ignore it you're like I can withstand social pressure it's like walking into a club with an aged mohawk on your head you know what happens everyone looks everyone turns to look and the first time I experienced that I didn't have hair like that but I walked into a club in Vegas I was screwing off my guy friends I decided to wear one of those Vietnamese farmer hats I thought that'd be funny and it was it was hilarious because I was wearing that he was wearing a cowboy hat so we go to the hottest club in Vegas the time and we walk in and I was remember that I was going through my experimentation like fashion phase so I literally walk in with a Michael Jackson jacket that hat and five inch platform boots on right I'm not sure if they thought I was a celebrity or a freak or maybe both but needless to say anytime I walked anywhere people were like boom you're like what the hell is that right some people would laugh and then they'd see that I was Asian and they'd be like I don't offend him what if that's a what that's like a real hat with like he's he's from Vietnam I don't want to offend him and then I'd smile and they'd laugh right but that was the first experience I got with massive social pressure because everybody looks at you no matter where you go and the more I did that and the more I exposed myself to social pressure by not ejecting by peacocking by doing all these things that are extending my growth or that are contributing to personal growth the more I did that the more I didn't care anymore and that's why I can walk around during the day with an eight inch mohawk on my head because I don't care what other people think because I'm so exposed to it I'm so overexposed to it it's like once you've approached 5000 sets you don't care if a set doesn't hook anymore it's like okay next whatever maybe I'll learn something from that but it doesn't bother you because you've done it so many times remember kickboxer when he's kicking that tree it's getting a tree like a thousand times we did that in the Marines that should sucks except we kicked each other's shins you know why you do that so you dead in the nerves in your leg then when you actually get into a tournament or whatever you get into the real thing you kick and you connect with someone's shin right here he's hobbling or on the ground and you didn't feel it because the nerves are dead it's the exact same thing pick up you want to dead certain nerves and so social pressure is one of those nerves that's why we don't false eject and of course the other reason is that a lot of times it's not time to false eject a lot of times there are things that you're not aware of if you push every interaction you're going to maximize your growth and you're going to maximize your lays as well flaky numbers all right this is a sticking point for me for like a year I hated flaky numbers you call the girl up you think it's on you're so happy because you got a number and she doesn't pick up she doesn't call you back nothing going on right and I'd say there's about five percent so five out of a hundred numbers you get there's going to be some circumstance outside of your control get there 95% you can control that this is how you get rid of flaky numbers for all or about 95% of flaky numbers you don't ask for the number I know you're like all right that's fucking bullshit because then I'm just not going to get any numbers but you engineer it in a way where she has to get say take my number and if she doesn't say that she wouldn't have picked up the phone so you just save yourself a lot of time right so the way we do this is we time bridge and no that's not a new concept but most guys aren't doing that the vastment or they're doing the whole like hey this was a very interesting conversation how do I take steps to ensure that we have another conversation it's I was like dude that's fucking weird like I tried that once and the girl looked at me and she's like what I was like I don't know I was just trying something new you know and she's like why didn't you just fucking ask me for my number and I was like well you know mystery says okay that's a really weird way of going about that okay anything that you do in interaction that seems weird to you whether a guru endorses it or not if anything seems weird and you try it on field and it is weird and all your friends are like what are you doing it probably is weird there probably isn't any like secret form of doing it it's probably strange okay so the way we do we go about flaky numbers when we get rid of the flaky numbers is we start off by instead of asking for number we talk about something that we're doing in our life talk about the crazy barbecue that we're having talk about this event that you're doing with your friends the party that you're throwing something interesting going on hey my friends and I were going to whatever right there is an art gallery exhibit and it's oh it's a there's a there's an exhibit opening we're going to that or something next week or you know my friend Susan is actually I'm helping her we're throwing a dinner party because our parents always do dinner parties and our generation doesn't and it's really cool right we talk about something like that if she likes you and she's comfortable with you what is she gonna say she's gonna say that sounds amazing if she's not comfortable with you this is how you built calibration by the way if she's not comfortable with you she's gonna be like oh cool and then you know she wouldn't pick the phone she probably would have given you her number you know why because states up because it's a bar because you're talking to her for a while because it's really awkward for her to say no right so I know we've all been in the situation to where we're at an event and a guy asked for our number and we don't want to give it to him right it's really awkward for us to say no it could be it could be in one of these conventions we're guys like hey no we should go out and you're just you don't want to hang out with them right it's really awkward to say no so a lot of times we just give it to girls feel that ten times over so when you ask for the number unless she has a very good reason to say no she's gonna pull one of those like oh okay or she's gonna be like oh let me take yours or oh oh you know come to the club and I'll be here again and the girls that have the weaker frames they'll just give it to you and then you know it's gonna do there's not gonna pick up the phone that's what leads to flakes right so instead now obviously there's prerequisites like actually forming a connection and actually running attraction but assuming you're doing that stuff correctly the way to calibrate so that you never get a flake again is simply to talk about that amazing thing that's going on when she expresses positive interest she's like oh that sounds that sounds amazing that sounds awesome more aggressive girls will just be like invite me just throw it out there right she most girls will be like that sounds really cool I'd love to go to something like that at that point you can invite her hey you should come along I totally want you to come and then wait for a response what is she gonna say yeah yeah yeah definitely most girls are gonna say that most girls aren't gonna be like oh cool yeah well let me go home with you tonight and then we'll think no they'll be like yeah okay cool they're waiting for you to lead then what do you do you say what's the best way to get a hold of you not I'd like to continue this conversation sometime at a later date because no it's weird it's strange I don't know anybody who can make that sound normal how do I get a hold of you what's the easiest way to get a hold of you because then if she's like oh oh email me unless she's from another country doesn't have a phone that usually is a blow-off she likes you she's not gonna be like email me she's gonna be like take my number every time take my number if you've done something wrong up until that point this allows you to calibrate this allows you to step back and be like oh you know I'll get it later we'll talk about it later if you get a blow-off step back tell her we'll talk about it later and continue running comfort or we'll continue running attraction wherever you're stuck in because it means she's either a not attracted enough or b she's not comfortable enough with you but instead of what what you would normally do which is get the number cool I'll talk to you later walk away with a flaky number now you have the calibration to know that number wasn't solid so instead of taking it I'm gonna push it on the back burner I'm gonna build some more comfort or some more attraction try it again later and see what happens at that point you can do it just like the kiss close you don't get the kiss close what do you do you back up you try again later build more traction you build more comfort you try again later it's the exact same principle what's the best way to get a hold of you it gives her an instant out because she's gonna be like if she doesn't want to she'd be like oh just come to the club next week I'll be here right or she'd be like oh call my work right or here's my Facebook those are all weight how light ways of her blowing blowing you off but if you don't give her that option because you say hey what's your number then she has the option of a give it to him and don't answer the call or b make it very socially awkward most girls are gonna go with a you're gonna get a flaky number okay does that make sense to you guys last one now pushing your comfort zone this is a really really big key this is why guys don't get good because all of our comfort zones are at one point or another some of us are comfortable approaching some of us are comfortable running attraction some of us are comfortable telling a girl we like her some of us are comfortable conveying sexual interest and others are not comfortable with any variety of those things you know where your own comfort zone is find out where that zone is where that line is that barrier that comfort zone and step over it repeatedly because every time you step over it this is a line you step over the comfort zone guess what happens the line moves now it's over here you've done it already it's like if you haven't jumped out of a plane you haven't gone skydiving do it because it's not within your comfort zone and it's fucking scary you look down you see sky you're like I'm gonna jump you jump you're terrified you do it second time you're like whatever jump the third time you're like this is like cake I'm gonna step off of one foot right like every time you do it your comfort zone gets further and further along and in pick up it's the same way so if you're not comfortable approaching then you continually approach approach approach pretty soon that line that you just stepped over is now over here and you step over it again then what happens moves over there and that line continues to escalate and escalate and that's how you go from I can't approach to I can get consistent lays and I can get what I'm looking for out of this community or out of what we're doing okay pushing the comfort zone is in my opinion one of the most important things in everything that we're doing it overshadows all of the techniques and everything everything comes down to literally pushing yourself and most naturals who didn't have all this technology they didn't have all these speakers and all this ebooks and the products and everything how do they get good by going out and repeatedly pushing their comfort zone and yeah it took longer took like five ten years for naturals to get good for most of them they just continually did it over and over and over and over again until they figured things out but they continually push their comfort zone imagine if they just said well that didn't work out with approaching so I'm just not gonna approach again it would never be a natural and likewise if you do that you're never going to get to where you want to be so continually push your comfort zone every time you feel discomfort say to yourself this is the feeling of growth there's some great quotes about comfort one is which one of them is become comfortable with discomfort I believe that's from Ferris and the other one is that there is no growth in the comfort zone and there's no comfort in the growth zone really really really good quotes that exemplify everything it is about pushing your comfort zone and if you do that in pickup you'll do that in your actual life in real life you'll do that in your financial life you'll do that with the job situation you'll do that with everything and the more you do that the more successful you'll become overall as a person in every area of your life because there's not too many areas in your life where you cannot grow from pushing your comfort zone every single thing is like that it's like what I tell a lot of guys when guys ask me like why did you leave me out like you had it all freakin made man you had you had it all freaking like everything was was cool like you had students you had a guy doing the marketing you didn't have to manage all that stuff and I said if I tell my students to push my comfort zone and I'm comfortable which I was very comfortable that was the chief instructor I called the shots I was like whatever I mean no one even like challenged what I did I could have done whatever I wanted right but I was comfortable anytime I get comfortable I start to realize something I'm no longer growing so let me step out of my comfort zone to continue growth it's an overarching principle that will lead you to success whether you're doing pick up whether you're working on your financial life whether you're working on your personal or development life across the board it will lead you to success okay we're gonna do a drill I need a volunteer I need two volunteers one guy with who's pretty new and one guy who has some experience say maybe a year or two volunteers shoot how much experience you have man cool come on can you do another volunteer not you you're a speaker volunteer yeah come on shoot how much experience you have cool all right awesome can we get a mic up here man okay so this drill is called first impressions and the reason it's so important we actually saw this one of the other guys did it and I was like damn he stole my drill but then it turned out to be different okay so the way this drill is gonna work is these guys are going to approach and I'm gonna be who wants to be another girl let's have another girl not you you're gonna troll and actually someone who can actually act okay cool does she want to volunteer I don't think she wants to volunteer who wants to volunteer just stand here stand here and be a girl so they creep you out then act like you're creeped up stand right here okay okay give this to you guys okay so eight months and pretty new right okay I want you to go first and okay so from there what you're gonna do is you're gonna walk up and what we're gonna do is I'm gonna give you ten words to say that's it you don't have to do anything crazy say ten words and that's it do a regular approach your ten words are hey guys you look fun had to come say hello super easy right they say it to me again hey guys you look fun say guys hey guys you look fun say with me hey guys you look fun had to come say hello okay what we're doing is we're cutting out all the filler words most guys are like hey um yeah you guys are like really fun and you know I kind of had to cut out all that shit I don't even say I had to come say hello the more concise the communication is the more powerful it is so those ten words okay say it with me one more time hey guys hey guys you look fun you look fun had to come say hello had to come say hello okay I'm gonna have you do that and we're say it to set okay okay stand up right over here and we're talking and I want you to come and actually switch around with me and what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna show you guys how important ten words are and about three seconds because this is hard to screw up right it's like it's ten words how many things you do wrong there's a lot to this not to put you on the spot but go for it okay face me yeah pretend we're not looking at each other I'm gonna be looking at you but pretend we're just facing each other talking hey guys you look fun had to come say hello stop okay all right overall really good right overall you can tell that like you you're comfortable in your own skin here's a few things though okay first thing is you stopped way out there and this is a nightclub this is a nightclub you stopped way out there which tells us that you're afraid of us second thing is you have your hands in your pocket one hand in the pocket their thing is you weren't loud enough fourth thing is you didn't touch anybody otherwise the keynote on the opener there's a bunch of little stuff but we'll get into that as we do this over and over again okay try one more time hey guys you look fun had to come say hello okay better better okay so all these little things are contributing to the big things okay one thing oh and I know it's hard with the microphone well one thing I want you to do is I want you to keynote at the same time that you stop and start to talk so when you're walking up you keynote as you start talking it's very natural otherwise what happens is that you stop you start talking and then it's like people are like why did that happen okay not you hey guys you look fun had to come say hello okay better better you tilted your head and I know do you guys it sounds like that's retarded that's the smallest thing ever you know what tilting your head does when you go like this in a set you know what that does telegraphs interest massive interest what does a girl do to you when she's into you every time and when you do that to girls it telegraphs tons of interest right off the bat okay sure yeah okay right there come in the same way stop up right around here keynote one that open okay alright so start off hey guys you look fun how to come say hello okay better better tilting the head and you're not smiling make sure you smile the whole time there's a lot to this is about 300 different things that you can screw up okay keep going stop smiling smile as you walk up if I walk up to you right you're a set and I walk up hey right hey guys you look fun how to come say hello much much better good job if you guys haven't done this if you haven't gone through these drills where someone picks apart all these little things you make those same mistakes over and over and over again and one of the big problems is that the longer you're in field the more they become bad habits the more someone else later on down the line has to be like you have 18,000 bad habits now you've got to correct them the hardest guys for me to work with our guys that have been in field for two years without training because they've been making the same bad habits over and over and over and when I tell them stop that walk they can't do it because they've been doing it over and over and over again it's a bad habit all right okay your turn yeah so go over with me the verbals hey guys hey guys you look fun you look fun had to come say hello come say hello cool hey guys how's it going you look fun I had to come say hello okay not bad not bad okay here's the thing when you came in your body rocked like this as you came in all right you were a little bit fast the verbals you started to throw in filler words and when you walked up you didn't have a big smile on your face it didn't look genuine like you actually wanted to meet us okay try hey guys you look fun I had come say hello hey better you're still moving your head okay you're doing this okay make sure that when you walk in you stop as you start to start your verbals in other words don't start your verbals here as I'm starting the verbals I know say that three times really fast when you walk up remember that we're not facing you we're like this okay so you're gonna keynote to get our attention right and then start talking if you start talking back there we don't know who you're talking hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello hey better when you're not smiling yeah okay also make sure that you don't do the ninja move right so like I was here my field of vision here you're here and all of a sudden it's like so come like a round more sort if you're coming from there uh-huh simply go this way and then this way this way and then this way yeah hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello it's slow it that the ninja move is coming around not because you're cutting through because you're going in really fast okay so slow it down so it's a gradual thing okay hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello okay one more time hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello okay try again smile you got to come in like you just won the lottery dude you got to come in like you're having the time of your life yeah hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello slow down slow everything down do everything in half speed so like walk like you're a zombie like walk like super slow and to you it'll be like this is retarded but to us it'll look normal yeah you look fun I'd come say hello hey that to me from my perspective wasn't that weird it probably looked retarded to you but for me it wasn't that weird okay it was semi-normal it was like you're just kind of mosing through but it wasn't as weird as it felt to you okay okay try one more time hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello you slow your verbals down do that and smile bigger hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello slow your verbals down smile bigger but the walking's okay now right little better put a little bit more purpose in your step so instead of mosing like this I put a little more purpose even if you're about the same speed there's purpose to that okay hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello I'm not smiling try again hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello okay your keynote can't be telegraphed so if you're a step back here if you're gonna keynote and you're coming in this way and you telegraph it by walking in like this she knows what's coming okay so wait till you get up closer and then just keynote naturally hey guys you look fun I had to come say hello you guys see how much there is you guys see how much there is involved in ten words and about three seconds there is a lot most people don't think that and I was in that same boat I did that same drill with Jason I did that same drill was sat with sin with John I did that same drill a lot of these guys and they said hey you're doing this and this wrong you're doing that and that wrong and that's what actually got me better that's what continued the growth all right what are we looking for in time guys all right pop quiz by the way I should have told you guys this earlier I have handouts so you guys don't have to take detailed notes but whatever okay so I want everyone to put away their notes everyone close up their notes we've got a quick pop quiz there's a prize and if you've been to my seminars before you know what the prizes so don't reveal it all right everyone have their notes with what is what is the three word formula for success what does it mean it's date and it's a discipline training and discipline training and execution you cheated I saw that I saw that was pretty obvious did came out even even worse even okay now I want you to define each one of those discipline is going no discipline is having the next next yeah he's got it shoot remember if you screwed up you're just giving more answers to the next guy education is simply knowing your work knowing what you're going to say what was that again education is education what's education next you also got it you in the back on the left that's not to that's you that's you so dedication no next dedication you guys may find out what this prize is to get it together date discipline training and execution okay now what do they mean is doing whatever it takes to get good okay elaborate a little bit more like what like being able to build a stack um learn the structure okay what's the p-word p-word practice either no no no keep going keep going you're there well what else do I'm gonna say what do you do before you execute what do you do before you go out you practice and you rehearse you prepare there you go okay all right now what's the next thing what's training why is training important because you want to hold your skill set what is training to find it for me I'm training rehearsing preparing yourself you got one more shot what's training all right give me five minutes next who else thinks they know it you want me to start from the from the top okay it's discipline and discipline means you know having just make just doing it even when you don't feel like doing it doing it because you have to do it okay and then there's training training means you know you seek out to learn from other people who are better than you at this point of time okay why is that important because you can always learn from them you can pick out a few things from each person but we did right yes we just did yeah just like that excuse me what's the next thing oh next one is execution and that is making a plan and going out and working the plan like if you plan that I'm gonna work on these three things for today you're gonna go out and make sure that you have at least attempted to put yourself in a situation where all these three things are being worked on awesome awesome congratulations you're probably wondering what the prize is the prize is a voucher for a free boot camp oh man okay so come up to ask me afterward and you can pick this up okay now all you guys will never forget DT&E all you guys screw that up never forget it it'll always be up there all right guys I want to close off you know today we've talked about discipline training execution right we talked about the process to get good we talked about everything that you that's necessary that doing what's necessary is the key to getting good pushing your comfort zone all these different things right to actually getting results in a in an industry in in a society where almost nobody is getting results I'm gonna close with a quick story it has to do with mystery who unfortunately couldn't be here I know we all like to bag on the guy but he's been pretty instrumental he's been pretty instrumental to most of our growth to mine especially and I remember training with him and I sat down I just blown out of like ten approaches in a row and I was just bomb I was like this fucking sucks and I was like I just I can't even do it with your training with like your help next to me and he said he said dude he's like you're just starting out he's like the the funny thing is what you don't realize is that this game is 50 times tougher than you think it is right now I was like awesome that's really encouraging and he said no he's like he continued and he said what you also don't realize is he says that it's 50,000 times more rewarding and once I achieved that point he was absolutely correct and some of you guys that may not have achieved that point yet I want you to keep that in mind every time you're going through that pain period every time you're going through that pain period where you're like this fucking sucks I'm not getting results I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing and it's not coming it will come you just have to follow the correct principles you have to follow DT&E and when you do that you will achieve that success all right there is it's a it's a pretty big honor actually to be up here speaking in front of you guys like I said with a whole guru thing and it's a pretty big honor especially to be speaking to you guys alongside guys like Savage alongside like old-timers like oh jeez like guys that trained me guys like all the guys that spoke up here that I've learned from it's it's such a great honor because it wasn't that long ago that I was in your chair and like Sykes said I want you guys I want the next speakers here to be from this crowd I don't want you guys to be another statistic in the terms of 80% drop-off rate 90% drop-off rate I want you guys to work on your game to develop yourself as a person and to be up here next year right you guys can all do it it just takes some hard work it takes discipline training and execution thank you guys questions okay okay something I realized that you're you're really good at or at least in my opinion you're good at is you like you you have the ego problem like solved or at least like to a high degree at least like to what a high degree okay I think I think you pretty much you've done a lot of work on that I've had a mentor that honestly I've had a mentor and I'll probably watch this video and he's not that good at game but he's really really good at internal stuff I've had several mentors that was one of them I've had several mentors that will like guide me along the way just like I was telling you guys about training and that's contributed to a lot of that growth that's good how would you describe how to drop the ego or what advice would you give to solve the ego problem in terms of what like what context like well I tell you the truth I'm not really sure how have having ego is obviously a problem but how are we supposed to drop it is that how if you if you have no ego at all and this is the thing if you have no ego at all you know what happens to you you put on an old robe you shave your head and you hide in the mountains of Tibet that's what happens to you for the most part if you have zero ego nothing in the extreme is ever good right in my experience and remember that like I've learned from all these these different guys that are just experts in this and and those the guys that I asked the same question to like how do I reduce or minimize the ego one of the big things is remember that your ego is your self-concept and the more flexible and fluid your self-concept is the less your ego has an effect on you the more you focus on I am who I am and and even to the extent of positive affirmations but the moment that you start to take everything around you right and say that like I am who I am and I'm working on improving myself but I'm not validated by other people or other things and I know that's like wish you washi and it's like that's a lot easier said than done but over and over when your life experiences reflect your beliefs you start to change your beliefs that's when you start to say hey this is me like one of the things that that students like a lot is and I don't know if you're for teaching or not if you're going to but one of the things students really like is when they're afraid to blow out and I tell them watch I'll demo blow over you I'll go on and I'll get blown out because it doesn't matter it just doesn't I don't care and even when I do a legit demo I might blow out sometimes it happens it happens to all of us and nobody don't believe anybody who says they never get blown out it's just a part for the course hopefully it doesn't happen when I'm doing a demo but sometimes it does and I if I if it does if it's going to happen I'll tell the student that's what happens sometimes it happens and so kind of accepting that you're always growing and that your sub-concept isn't rigid it's always fluid when guys say like oh that's not me I'm not that type of person I wouldn't do things like that that's a rigid self-concept and guess what happens on a rigid self-concept it doesn't flow it doesn't change if you're that type of guys like that's not me I don't do things like go and approach women well guess what you're not ever going to develop the skill to do that because in your head you're telling yourself over and over and over I'm not that type of guy that makes sense you talked a little bit about free association as it relates to asking too many questions can you elaborate on free association and exactly what the exercise is to to help with that problem I like to do the the juggler-esque monologue I wish the juggler guys were still here because it's funny I when I do train with juggler he did a an exercise where you throw a beanbag around some of you guys might know this and you talk about a topic and you throw the beanbag and the person receiving the beanbag it's like popcorn in school he has to be able to relate to the topic so I changed that around a little bit because not everyone's got a beanbag and a bunch of friends are willing to do exercises and so what you do is you do a monologue of ADD self talk I'll give you an example right most guys can't they get they get stuck they stall they ask too many questions because they can't repeatedly make statements because they just like what do I talk about I don't talk about so to teach yourself that you pretend like you have ADD and you talk and you thread cut yourself every few seconds and I'll give you an example give me a topic pizza dude I love pizza in fact the best place pizzas is Chicago everyone thinks it's from New York New York is a good place but it's like the climate in New York I can't handle it's like freaking this place right here like I get it you know it's Florida it's next to the coast but like Miami has honestly has hotter girls and it's like if I'm gonna have the same weather I'm gonna take the hotter girls it's a lot like LA LA has hotter girls too everyone thinks the bitch shows are higher but they're not not really like it's it's about the same from LA Miami or whatever and really girls are girls and when you're friendly they're friendly back you know it's all about the fundamentals that's what I talk about talk about the fundamentals and in my boot camps I talk about the fundamentals and I have a lot of fun on boot camps because it's it's a really cool thing I get to change people's lives and that's why I do what I do because I like to change people's life okay I'm saying that intentionally fast right and I mean saying that ADD and it sounds ridiculous it sounds crazy but if you can't do that then you can't do it in slow motion in set when you're talking about things and free associating all I'm doing is I'm free associating I took pizza I said what do I think about pizza I played the what is it the game the word association pizza I think of Chicago and I think of New York Chicago is way better steep dish so I talked about Chicago then I was like I'm not gonna jump to New York because it's better than New York but I like New York New York's a good place because I like you know I teach boot camps there it's a fun place but the weather is shady kind of like Florida right Florida is really humid but I like Miami better Miami's a lot like LA right I'm continually doing it like a spider web I'm threading off into different things that's how you never run out of things to say now you do that drill alongside of automating your verbals and you will never run into things to say because even when you're stuck eventually runs out which it will you'll have that drill to continue to have things to say make sense awesome all right guys thank you very much