everybody Matt here for late in sports cards ripping 2022 Bowman baseball jumbo four box break number six pick your teams we have Andreas A Blue Jays Andrew S Nationals Anton H twins Brandon H Royals Chester F Astros Chris F Reds Padres Eric L Angels Gary M Guardians Glen W D-backs Orioles Mets Red Sox and Pirates Henry C Rockies John S Braves Jonathan H Brewers Joseph C Phillies Justin H Yankees Mark H Tigers A's and Marlins Rick E raise White Sox Mariners Timothy H Dodgers Tom B Cubs Vinnie H Cardinals White Choi Giants and Zach D Rangers good luck here we go Artaya no first time mojo sorry man hopefully next time it's no LV Marta and Orioles first Bowman auto Luis Gonzalez you go O's paper up toes low low it's Trey Sweeney atomic refractor insert to 150 so next up is Bowman draft first edition that's 2021 random team style we have seven teams left just 49 99 a spot that is Rangers first Bowman refractor auto to 499 Dustin Harris you go Texas every Davis Brennan Davis that is mark Martín Jimenez Aqua shimmer to 125 our Olvera Anderson met his purple paper the over Piguero 250 Bryson Stott Rodriguez and Abrams first heritage was very good second one was pretty good Ryan and this is Padres first Bowman auto Brandon Valenzuela you go San Diego nice color coming that is yellow Pete Crow Armstrong 75 Cubs we go box to fill up that next break 2021 Bowman draft baseball first edition three box number one random team six to go on that is Pirates first Bowman auto Jack Sawinsky go Pittsburgh I'm ready for a super here it's Shalom Palanco still a pretty good number of spots left in our breaks today let's get these filled up Julio Rodriguez Aqua refractor to 125 what's up gills Colson Montgomery first Bowman green paper nice one white socks just double check these chrome really fast just wanted to make sure I missed something there and below that I was thinking oh yeah that is d-backs first Bowman auto Ryan Bliss go Arizona five to go now I'm 2021 Bowman draft first edition and in team style that's up next white socks nice blue refractor auto to 150 Lenion Sosa congrats Chicago Montgomery the last one and now a blue Lenion Sosa blue refractors on this design this year it's so nice last pack box to O'Neill cruise it's a rookie insert Freddie Freeman aqua paper Meyer box three gills what do you think if I'm for the LSE baseball channel maybe I should get like Greg Jeffries to come in and do a guest breaker spot with me I'm torn between Greg Jeffries and Mackie Sasser and Diaz Sosa Edgar Carroll blue paper yeti capping d-backs first Bowman auto Gavin Conticello you go Arizona Torvalson Kirby Torvalson Arizona cruise rookie insert break spots here five to go for the next break we have eight and 13 to go for our two pristine four box pick your team style breaks like we have a redemption coming chrome prospect autograph Oscar Coloss white socks there you go Chicago doing well nice one Chicago O'Neill cruise rookie insert Austin Martin and ours is Max Muncie purple llama to 250 nice one A's yeah this is Jordan Lawler there's Invicta Garrett Mitchell Joe that Thompson Bowman baseball 20 box sapphire mixer number one random teams has 19 to go last pack box three Matt Manning and Red Sox insert auto to 99 Marcello Meyer there you go Boston Bowman in 3d autograph that's aqua to 125 you know Svar Garcia all right one box to go see if we can do this time like we did last time save the best for the last box still five to go on 20 21 Bowman draft baseball first edition three box break number one random team that is up next Mingas Gabrielle Arias and Mariners refractor auto to 499 Adam Mako you go Seattle hey Brandon how you doing it's Brian bellow or Brian bellow green to 99 Jose Ramos lime green paper to 399 that is Philly's first bowman auto you'll Svar Garcia should have one auto left let's make it a big one what they cards are just a little sticky little lesson smooth flipping through your Marsh there you go all right next break is 20 21 Bola draft baseball first edition three box break number one random teams and we have five spots left so Trace weenie to Bishop purple lava that is your reveal on Hellas Prado three packs to go I will do a hit recap after this Mario Hernandez there's Christian Hernandez aqua paper is Wanda Franco rookie insert and Reds purple refractor auto to 250 Christian Roa and paper on the back and he just a sec here we'll do that hit recap all right here we go is Reds purple to 250 Christian Christian Roa Philly's you'll Svar Garcia Mariners refractor out of Mako that was Red Sox bowman in 3D auto to 99 Marcello Meyer White Sox redemption Oscar Colas D-backs Gavin Conticello White Sox blue Lenin Sosa D-backs Ryan Bliss Pirates Jack Sawinsky Padres Brandon Valenzuela Rangers refractor Dustin Harris and Orioles Luis Gonzalez that'll do it for the break thank you everyone appreciate it 2021 bowman draft first edition is up next


The title really should be Seals of the People of medieval Britain and Ireland, and as organisers, I am particularly pleased to be moving away from an Anglo-centric paradigm with papers focusing on Scotland and Ireland, and there will be honourable mentions of Wales during various papers. This conference is also designed to place Seals firmly back with the people who used them. Seals are attractive and materially interesting, but considering them as object art or curios, divorces from them from their societal and cultural context renders them, but less interesting and important than they really are. Another key intention is to draw the discussion down the social scale, since the study of Seals has generally focused on aristocracy, institutions and officials, even though the great majority of British Seals relate to non-nobal men and women. The conference is also designed to encourage as wide a range of participants as possible to engage with the material and to incorporate Seals into their own investigations of the past, whatever form that takes. At the start, I'm just going to run through some technical terms and salient points to be absolutely clear, especially if anyone hasn't had the chance to read the accompanying information for the conference. First of all, the word seal can refer to a matrix, to an impression made by a matrix, and to casts from impressions and modern impressions of old matrices. We don't know how many medieval seals survive because only a small proportion have been recorded, but there are probably somewhere around a million wax impressions attached to or associated with documents in Britain, with tens of thousands of matrices and casts. And the daunting scale is, I think, one of the reasons that Seals have been rather neglected, and is one of the greatest challenges, as well as one of the greatest opportunities facing us today. There are various terms used for the study of Seals, but most common in relation to medieval Seals is sygillography from the Latin sygillum. The conference was originally planned last year, but the open format has the advantage of enabling us to welcome far more participants, particularly at the site for a conference about Seals which are whatever else they function attributes about communication. It's also appropriate to hold a Seals conference in conjunction with the Antiquaries, since as Paul Drury has said, interest in the subject has run through the society from its earliest days. A publication entitled Ancient Monuments was launched in 1718 and included quite a lot of sygillographic material, first of which was published in 1720. And this is now being put online and includes some of the seal drawings and descriptions. That's a link to it, if you'd follow up. The proceedings of the Antiquaries and the Antiquaries Journal continue to provide a home for notes and articles about Seals. Many pioneers of British sygillography were fellows of the society. One of the earliest British seal projects was Sir Christopher Hatton's Book of Seals, compiled in the mid 17th century and recording medieval seal documents brought together for the purpose in the Library of the First Baron Hatton, hence its name. But sample folios can be viewed through the Northamptonshire Record Office website and the 1950 published edition. In the 18th and 19th century, there was also great enthusiasm for collecting matrices and making casts. For example, Dr Richard Rawlinson's collection, highlighted by John Cherry's recent catalogue, which is now in the Ashmolean Museum. This long tradition of collecting and recording seals is important for modern scholars, not least for items that subsequently have been damaged, destroyed or lost. We should however exercise caution about drawings of seals from all periods, because they are always an interpretation. And they're also two-dimensional records, however skillful of three-dimensional objects, and that's a point I'm going to refer to. During the late and 19th century, the pace and formality of the recording of seals increased, led by figures such as Walter de Grey Birch, William Breenwell and Charles Hunter Blair. Indeed, the late 19th and early 20th centuries were something of a golden age for British Segeography, with general surveys and works focusing on specific types of seal owner, motif or use, including a series of essays by Williamson Jim Hope, Gail Pedrick's volumes on borough monastic seals, and the pioneering work of Charles Kingsford. In period also witnessed the establishment of many historical and archaeological societies that regularly featured seals in their journals. Very few of the key figures in this golden age were university-based, however. And most approach the subject with what we will probably now call a multidisciplinary or transdisciplinary approach. In light of this, I would tentatively suggest that the so-called professionalization of history that happened in the late 19th century, with the emergence of separate academic disciplines, is actually unhelpful for the study of seals, because it fostered a somewhat narrower discipline-specific approach to historical evidence. And although it had a very positive repercussion for the preservation of material, the formalization of the archival museum and conservation professions often led to the division of collections between impressions, casts and matrices. And I would suggest that that might have been helpful for how seals were studied in the mid-parts of the 20th century. Certainly, the late 1930s to the late 1970s were a fallow period from British medieval sigilography. There were some exceptions, most notably the work of T. F. Tout, Sahilore Jenkinson, and Pierre Chaplet. But in general, seals dropped off the radar for most academic history and featured only intermittently for art history and archaeology. The situation began to change in the late 1970s and 1980s. The inclusion of seals into rock, buster, medieval exhibitions at the VNA, returning points and raising their profile, I would suggest. And several publications were also important, including in 1979, the first edition of Michael Clanch's Seminal from Memory to Written Record, which placed seals back in the mainstream of historical discourse. And in 1980s also published seals in medieval England by scholars who've become leading lights in the field. And I know that some of them are here with us today. John Cherry, Paul Harvey, Sandy Heslop and Julian Gardner, along with some Anglo-centric work by Brigitte Medos-Rizak. And at roughly the same time, David H. Williams and Michael Powell Siddons embarked on their series of catalogues and articles about Welsh seals. I'm going to leave a discussion of the situation in Scotland to our colleagues next week. Well, we'll hear a lot more about that. During the 1990s, Paul Harvey also cataloged seals in the Duchy of Lancaster Collection in what was then the Public Record Office. Paul Harvey took advantage of the digital revolution underway at the time by working with an IT specialist to build a database able to accommodate the many different elements necessary for seals, especially those attached to documents, and to utilise cutting edge digital photography so an image could accompany each catalog entry. And in 1999, I was fortunate enough to be employed as the technical assistant on this final stage of digital photography. The Duchy of Lancaster seals catalog made a brief in the National Archives website, however, before the current discovery system necessitated rethink. Material is now accessible again, but I think this is a salutary reminder that the records of seals often need to fit within content management systems that are not necessarily designed easily to accommodate them. And again, I think this is something that might come up in other papers and more general discussion. The late 1990s, I did beg your pardon, I've got my, I missed a slide. The, in terms of publications, that's just a nice reminder Paul Harvey and Andrew McGinnis's guide to British medieval seals still stands today as the best introduction to the subject. But he's also witnessed the piloting of what became the portable antiquities scale scheme, although I'm going to leave colleagues to expand on this. Suffice to say, in 1996 a scheme for the voluntary recording of material found outside formal logical digs was launched, proved great success, and led to the current PIS. A very brief fleet to the rest of Europe, the picture is mixed. The 20th century saw activity in some places and neglect in others. France fared particularly well assisted by the National Archives section on seals and when I'm anger sizing these names partly because my French pronunciation is is not good. It's the French heraldry and schedule a graphic society. The importance of seals was also recognized by the International Council on archives and a committee on schedule a few's established in 1958, leading to initiatives such as the 1990 publication of an international vocabulary of schedule a few. It's currently being digitized and I think this is giving the potential for perhaps updating and revising some of the contents, although it stands as an absolute excellent reference work. However, in 2012 ICA International Council of Archives restructuring, led to the abolition of a dedicated seal section. This change was the driving force behind the establishment of sutulent, which is a network and a forum for discussion and communication that's open to anyone to join. And again, there's the website if you're not familiar with this. Returning to Britain, important features of sort of geographic research in the late 20th and early 21st century were foregrounding of both impressions and matrices, as well as continued use of casts and return to transdisciplinary or multi disciplinary approach. Seals also continue to be brought public attention. The series of conferences and exhibitions at the British Museum, starting in 1992 with 7000 years of seals, a reminder that seals are actually as old as recorded history indeed provide some of our very earliest evidence of history written written evidence. Another exhibition in 2007 focused on medieval seals was accompanied by a conference. And the 2015 conference seals and status was used to highlight the British Museum's digitization program. During these years, the study of seals flourished more generally. In 2009 seals and medieval Wales became the first large scale funded research project in the UK and approached the geographic material as an underexploited means to an end. That is to contribute to a fuller picture of medieval Wales and the English borderlands, rather than as an end in itself. The methodological and technical aspects of timing new for gravity are also significant, rather than focus on particular types of motif, user or collection. Sign your covered range of collections and wherever possible, recorded everything that fell within the geographical and temporal parameters within that collection. So with his blessing and advice, adapted Paul Harvey's recording template for our material, and particularly for rapidly changing digital landscape. The application stage had overestimated the available technical support. He relied on John McEwan's abilities to create a complex relational database and is at his instigation instituted keyword tagging of motifs to facilitate analysis which led to rather odd conversations such as what is the defining medieval visual ever essence of lion and if you're wondering it's that long tail with a fluffy tip. The first source of sign he was the 2012 exhibition hosted by the National Library of Wales, and associated form activities. It's nearly a decade since the end of the seals and medieval Wales project. Now, and the study and approach of an approach to seals and medieval Britain has developed. The first one I would suggest is a proactive approach to technology. From a little draftsman of 17th and 18th centuries to the rapid adoption of databases and digital imaging in the late 20th. Sigilographers have been alert to the potential of new technologies, increasingly sophisticated digital processing and analytics and high quality digital images have further facilitated studies. Several European projects, including Sigila and Sigiland Puch Gali, along with the UK imprint project which are term are examples of what can be achieved. Most recently, 3D imaging has been employed with great effect. These are three dimensional objects, of course, and this is opening new avenues for research and outreach. Active transformation imaging lends itself particularly well to seal impressions. John McEwen has pioneered this for British material and has some examples on his digital website. The standardisation of recording, which I've already mentioned, is of course essential for all cataloging, but perhaps particularly challenging when describing the visual in words. The template, adapted by the two HRC projects provides one model for British archival material, but isn't formally recognised outside those projects. A problem is that the international vocabulary, which forms the basis for Paul Harvey's standard, relegates swathes of motifs found on British seals to just a couple of references. That's why I think it's an opportunity perhaps to revise the international vocabulary. The development of keywords is actually very important for electronic searches and useful in facilitating recording and analysis by non specialists and to get around the complexities of culture specific iconography. Scientific studies and the materiality of seals are another feature of recent studies. There have been several scientific investigations and they're leading us in some exciting directions. Conservation science has been at the forefront with studies on the composition of sealing wax, for example. Forensic science is also influential. Many people notice fingerprints on wax seals. Sometimes they're deliberate and impressions of deliberate imprints in the back of the impressions of the Speya town seal in Germany have recently been investigated. Philippa Hoskin and I started discussing what appeared to be accidental prints on the back of many British medieval seals some time ago and in 2013 we led a pilot project with a forensic expert. Unexpected discoveries included the evidence that until around 1300 we're actually looking at palm rather than fingerprints. This led to the much larger HRC funded imprint project, which ran for three years starting in January 2016. We use cutting edge equipment and further collaboration with our forensic colleagues to analyze the results. We came up with a number of exciting and unexpected evidence and also allowed our forensic colleagues to test out new material and technologies. All the data produced by imprints freely available on the project website, so please take a look. We also worked with colleagues from Cognate Studies during the project, including some sampling of inorganic elements in sealing wax and working with the first stages of the archives project, which is analyzing pre-modern wax to look at the organic materials. And materiality in all its forms has led to a number of conferences and publications and seems to be very much in the forefront of research. But it's an engagement of increased studies, conference proceedings and collections, including a number that incorporate work on seals from beyond Western Europe and which put them alongside other evidence from the Middle Ages. Engagement is increasing as well. Seals are engaging. From school children to senior citizens, having a go at impressing a matrix into wax actually usually play though. Being challenged to design your own seal seems to capture the imagination. The PIS goes from strength to strength. So some conclusions. For me, the most encouraging current developments are a greater emphasis on non-noble seals and sealing practices. We'll work on the geographic landscape of the whole of Britain Island and more broadly across Europe. The thorough integration of seals into their social and cultural contexts, a mutually beneficial engagement with colleagues in the digital and scientific worlds. Seals are being integrated into a whole range of investigations about past societies in ways not seen before. And people who have not previously used the material are engaging with it. Various scientific studies demonstrate that they're not just historical evidence but contribute to current challenges. There are challenges ahead. There are constraints on the heritage and education sectors. It's complex and it takes time to understand them before they re-yield their full potential. But the positives far outweigh the negatives and it does feel as though the time has arrived for seals to take their place in the sun, although not direct sunlight of course. Above all, the fact that this conference focused principally on seals and sealing practices of non-noble men and women has attracted such broad interest, surely bodes well, setting the seal of approval on the dynamic nature of the field today. Thank you, Elizabeth. Now, I haven't yet seen any questions, but perhaps I could start perhaps with a comment. My area of interest in medieval studies is medieval floor tiles, like John Cherry of course. And the interesting or many interesting parallels, but of course medieval floor tiles, decorated ones, are made with a stamp, a die. The motifs included are often similar, and I was very much taken with the idea, how do you define a liar? Because that is a common problem across many fields where objects or architectural fragments have a particular beast. Certainly in the same field of tiles, there is a considerable problem in searching on names, because the names are not consistent. So I will now turn to a new source, the terms used in seal descriptions. Perhaps a place to start to check on a consistent vocabulary. And I suppose the wider point, as you say, seals are not unique in terms of the approach to manufacture, the medieval period, the production of impressions, but of course the motifs included. Anyway, I now have a question, or another comment. Lions and leopards and the difference between were a great matter of discussion in medieval heraldic literature from Katie Hawkes. Yes, absolutely. And we actually didn't come up with a separate category for leopards, partly because of this complication. Now, this whole point is about how do you describe something visual in words, but also how do you decide that what you're looking at is the same as somewhere else. We were actually quite surprised it wasn't a mane or a roaring, you know, that wide open roaring. It was actually that particular form of the tail. I see there are a couple more questions. Yeah, you can see them as well. I suppose Joe Hopley would like to join the signal and are the are the details in the program. Or if you go, there should be some information in the conference pack. And if you go to the website, there are details of how to join there. Right, thank you. Our archivists taking cataloging seals as important as recording the documents they're attaching. This is a very complex question. I think a lot of archivists would like to. But there are problems in terms that there's the the the international standard only requires very minimal detail about seals, and also this lack of standardization for what should be recorded and how. In my experience, archivists, most archivists would very much like to do more with seals, but the resources problem, as well as the challenges of standardized recording gets in the way, but I think there are moves to try and encourage more and find easier ways for archivists to court seals. Thank you. And another talking about materiality. I'm wondering whether you could share your thoughts on seal related objects, such as medieval seal bags, medieval objects related to seal storage. Are there any recent approaches. If, if the pandemic haven't hit, then I was involved in discussions with a couple of colleagues at a very early stage to look at seal bags and I know there are studies on seal bags. Canterbury Cathedral, for example, has done quite a lot of work at the archives there on seal bags, seal storage more generally, not a huge amount, but it's one of those many areas where there's a lot of material and a lot of exciting work to be done. So yes, I definitely encourage, encourage this. And, Stephen Freeth, could you please highlight your textbook on seals written for the PRA British Records Association. Copies are still available, if you tell. Yes. Yeah, among the advertisements it was published in 2010 and I'd like to update it. But it was designed as a general introduction for people doing archival work of seals. And now from Kate Hawkins. When to look at seals in a local archive, and the seals that were still attached were simply described in the catalogue as motif. But it did mean I got to look at every seal impression, but the lack of a consistent list of describing these motifs was surprising to a new cover to seals. Yes, and this is this is something I could have spent the whole 20 minutes talking about. It's for a number of reasons, the lack of standardized terminology, the fact they are quite difficult to to look at to to interpret and time and resources. I've been doing quite a lot of work with colleagues in archives to see if there are some ways around this if I have producing more consistent terminology and easier and quicker ways for them to be recorded. Well, thank you very much. I am now going


Thank you. You too. Good morning guys. It is currently 6 a.m. I'm going to spend class. I never get coffee before, but I had time. So we'll see how I feel about that one. Macy and I are going to a 630 spend class. For some reason a 630 class today feels worse than I would I use 630 Pilates? I woke up.  I woke up, and I didn't I didn't want to. To say the least, I'll leave it at that. Okay, and I got up. I did my skincare, and I was like, okay I'm on. You know, it's the second I just get up and do my skincare, which is not like my real skincare But like I just wash my face with water, you know. I feel bad. I'm so really happy about that. Today's Tuesday. I didn't vlog yesterday. I honestly just had not the worst day, but like my anxiety was so high.  It was just like I drank too much consistently And like I really watched my like alcohol intake at this point like I really don't drink as much as you know Like I once did My anxiety was crazy yesterday, so Anyway, yesterday like evening to afternoon I ended up reading all day. I finished the book that girl. It was okay It was like fine. I'm glad that the ending had a twist, but like I couldn't get into it It took me longer to read than normal books because I just wasn't obsessed and then I started like the rewind or whatever last night And I my 30% of the way through it's like a fine easy like romance book. We'll see how I like it Okay, I'm gonna go because it's dark and you guys can't even see alright guys I blew out my hair and I'm waiting for it to fall But I accidentally curled this piece in and I've curled it back, but it's falling So, you know, what are you gonna do it is 9 a.m. My workout was great Not an early morning workout, but it's raining outside and all I want to do is lay around and read a book But I'm getting all my stuff done today is the oh kind pink launch day. Everything's already set So I'm good to go. I see like post on socials at noon when we drop But I Saw Oliver tiktok actually the Joan the juice after this is just like crazy timing because when we were in Europe We kept getting Joan the juice. I ate Joan the juice like every day in college, but it was like all over Europe So we were getting our two nicotas You're getting our juices and just having a great time Came home and Joan the juice going viral on tiktok and everyone loves the two nicotas So thank God because now that means there's so many recipes online that I can make the two nicotas from home And I've been craving it so I will be doing that today I also just miss cooking since I've been feeling, you know really anxious. Whatever. Oh I'm getting back into horseback riding my my rancher just texted me love her. So anyways I'm just doing things that like make me feel Better so cooking, you know reading whatever's recording all that stuff I do have a lot of work to do today. That doesn't just I can't talk today guys. Whatever. Anyways long story short I literally couldn't have said that no longer why we're going to sprouts And we're going to get in Grunam to the churicado and then you guys are shocked to hear that I'm going to make my bone broth beef stew again. I know it is shocking Okay, but it is my favorite thing to eat currently and I need to stop by Sula tab because I need to get a panini press For my sandwich it's 9 a.m. Now so I need to do that. I also haven't really had my coffee I ordered it, but okay also random while I have you here this stuff from Pride and Groom The scent it's like dog cologne essentially and it makes the dog smell so good. Coco's getting groomed today Because you know, she's she's looked better Coco update. She's doing much much better. Anyways, this stuff makes your dog smell Unbelievable like everybody came to my house is like what happened to them. It smells so good So you guys like in the long vlog butter like one long vlog a week It's kind of what I'm into thinking they don't have until 10. I feel like I'm doing too early y'all ever buy Anything that I recommend in these vlogs. It's this fast. Okay best best ever the puff bag and the pink scarf Honestly top three products. You know what I really should in this vlog at some point this week I really love how we have one video week and it's just really long But at some point this week, I will go through and do like a favorites update Because I have a lot of like products that I've been really loving specifically in makeup. I also really want to try the Mario Foundations, maybe I'll do that. I mean, I'm late, but like what are you gonna know also? It's pouring like Every single time it rains. I'm like, what do I do with my dogs and I just forget, you know, it's like I've never Had dogs before when it rains even though I've had dogs in the past seven years, so Anyways, we are off Just best best ever. I'll link it below. I'm like constantly wearing it. You know what else I love while we're here Look at how cute my phone case is. It's wildflower I've been at a wildflower cals What case in years and this one is so cute. I wore the wrong Shoes so now these hugs. I really hope they don't get ruined. We'll see. Anyway, it's going to sprouts This is like the best Time ever for me and then to go get a panini press like I'm living I'm really living Hopefully I'll get a lot of reading and like today might just be my day today. I really really might just be my day I just want to say this is the first time I've given myself a blow out in a bit because I'm just I do my hair get some once and then I don't touch it. I'm very lazy. Okay. I was like, you know I'm gonna give myself a blow out today. I feel so fresh so clean poured all over my hair so Blowout is gone Here is in fact soaked so little tabs and have what I needed anyways So we're going back home. I went wild at the grocery store. I went hungry I haven't really had breakfast yet. So I've got to eat now Um, I mean sorry for all the plastic normally. I just don't do the plastic at all But the car spur in the rain and if my cart was soaked so I kind of just had to really sorry I know it's I know I know avocados tomatoes to potatoes to the onions brown onions or yellow onions I got so many frozen foods too because like it's supposed to snow I doubt it will but I just feel like I'm gonna get stuck in this house at some point this month So I just kind of stocked up. I know I do love this like sprouts frozen pizza, and then I wanted to try these out Um, I got pasture raised eggs because I thought to talk yesterday about how bad eggs are for you I don't know like honestly you win some you lose some, you know jalapenos sourdough Annie is giving you guys can see it all I also got I don't know why I got this vegan ease or vegan ease may not because I'm not vegan. So that's interesting I love for Kingsington. This is like what I do if I can also I'm back listening to how I built this and I'm into it Some sauerkraut. What do you guys put your sauerkraut on and like do you guys think it would be weird on avocado toast? I feel like maybe I'm not sure This is like one of my go-to cold greens to have from home Beef broth, and then I just got some I can choose to have on the eggs I never have it and then people come over and they want it so I got some of that Oli pop and that is that this is why you don't go to the grocery store hungry, but I'm stuck I somehow forgot to vlog my experience making the tuna Kato. I forgot pesto. I'm not gonna put hot sauce on I'm just trying it out right now. So here's the tuna and the mix by the way for the tuna Kato They actually want they have a good tuna mousse and I don't like I don't really care about it being a mousse So if you want that you put it through food processor. Anyways, really easy. I just used a good thing I didn't get that panini press because I actually have this that I got from my kid when I moved and I haven't used it Once it's actually very easy. I love that like a pinini press or a pinini maker I mean, this is not rocket science. It's like literally a sandwich. I ate so many snacks while I was Making this and now I like can't even think about eating it at this second and it's hot So I'm gonna let it stay there and make sure to know later for lunch or a second lunch I don't even know my hair now Like we cannot even talk about it. I also use purple shampoos. My hair is literally great. Like I I don't know. I couldn't amess this up more. Anyways, today is actually been a really good day So the pink scarves dropped and we are really running low on inventory already I'm really just like getting out of an anxious funk Which was brought on by my PMDD and a wild weekend where I drink too much more than I normally do So we launched that today. I also we did like a Dallas The old kind who's in the hot Pilates class and it booked in six minutes So I'm already working on other classes that we can just do across because you guys love it so much in Dallas Um, it would be fun to do like other cities too. Like I definitely want to do Stuff like that. Yeah, I'm just getting out of it. Coconut is getting groomed I currently have her with the mobile groomer just because she can't go to like a normal place right now Anyways, and I'm kind of wrapping up my day We're getting close to 5 p.m. Everything that I was just doing when I got canceled because it's pouring rain. It was outside We'll survive, you know, and I'm just making my to-do list for tomorrow. I'm feeling good I don't even know what I said this vlog so far. Are you guys know about the countdown today party? I don't know. Follow me on Instagram. That's basically we're gonna we're gonna get this up But basically we are getting out of this funk slowly, but surely I guess I've already worked out twice and that hasn't fully cured me I guess I've read for hours and that hasn't fully cured me, but I'm getting there. Really. I need to do one pages and stuff We're gonna know guys Something huge is happening right now. I got a damn when I was in Europe. I feel like a small business Okay, I Like I'm messing it all up, but it's so cute. I mean stunning I Got to pick a few things off the site and it's like my dream guys This is beyond anything could have ever possibly wanted so they just sent me the set is how you say it I just feel like I'm gonna sound so stupid because why I don't know my brain is just not working this week Anyways, they sent me an entire dinner party set. So a tablecloth some candlesticks Salad plates dinner plates candlesticks.  Um, so there's four green wine glasses that probably came Okay, one crystal dressing craft So there it definitely is another package wait Okay, there's definitely another package because there's more stuff and this anyways Unbelievable. I'm so excited Seven I want to go to my workout. It is so cold out. So I'm supposed to be going on a walk After the workout, but like honestly, we'll see about that. I've waited till this morning Athletic greens, I'm gonna try to stop getting coffee as soon as I wake up or like before my workout because I hear it's a lot better for you Like hormonally if you wait an hour or two, you don't have it first thing So I'm gonna do that today And someone is not that early, so I should be fine this is scary. Okay Okay Anyways, I'm off to weightlifting this week my weightlifting episode went up my coach We're also talking about like having a good relationship with fitness and not making things to extreme this like us Anyways, it's a good like episode fitness wise in general for not taking things too seriously and being extreme Here's my athletic greens. I'm throwing on every layer that I have right now 30 degrees out. It was supposed to snow last night. It didn't who shopped The thing about Texas is it probably will snow once or twice a year, but they'll tell you it's snowing 17 other times because we're like just I Feel like it's typically when I think just about to drop to 32 obviously, but It's too much can happen. Okay. It normally doesn't at the right time.  I will say maybe I don't want to leave you morose because this looks Extra light, but I'm home from my workout.  There are weeks When I like literally cannot shut up and I just have so much to say Um, some things like I don't know, you know, like I don't know if what I'm saying has much substance But basically there are weeks where I'm like so on it and so Like I have a billion things to say I have so many ideas for content I have so many like whenever and this week it feels like there is nothing going through my brain and all I want Is to lay at home and cozy up in my bed and read books, you know, normally I get out of this face Normally I do today really not so much. Okay, so we're gonna go through really quickly my closet And I'm gonna show you guys my like top warm pieces what I've been loving Maybe we'll even do favorites like makeup. I will let you guys know Right now. I'm using the exact same skincare products. I've been using for like the past month I use summer Fridays and I'm like running out of stuff I will say I go through pretty quickly, but at the heavenly 16 all in one face oil my holy girl skin hair product Not even I mean it does make my skin look so glowy and perfect It's the best glue I've ever used but it's amazing when I was breaking out. I'm gonna go through this so quickly Summer Fridays everything I use the moisturizer, whatever When I was breaking out I started using this honey to car super clear serum and I like either the apostrophe or the Curology night thing cuz those are custom and night and day my skin it just clears up so quickly Awesome little chin update. I've noticed I'm a month out. Here's mine update. Okay I'm a month out, right? And I've noticed like you get like fat pockets underneath and it's like you got a like a lymphatic drainage them out So I've been doing that with my like one of the the skinny coverage of walls that whatever this is And I notice a difference because it's definitely getting better. I love doing this in my face in the morning. Anyways, I Really was waiting. I don't know. I like really want to tell you guys something I am looking at houses Really good at that because maybe in the next vlog I'll go more into that but I was just thinking how like I want to figure like I want a bathroom that I can Have like a skincare fridge in that isn't like tacky because I want my ice roller in there anyways Let's go to my other face and doing an impromptu impromptu Favorites video. Okay, so I obviously had this Cal Way Boot closet made which has now just turned into I just have like clutter In my house and I feel like I'm how often and I like decluttering in my house I don't even know how this stuff gets here. I definitely need to do that this week because that's part of me feeling like anxious There's just too much stuff and I just I can't feel unorganized. I don't like that at all showing you guys So my most worn pieces, okay this sweater that I got Is so cute. I'm gonna wear it tonight. That's why I pulled it Um, I love that my most worn bag is definitely my puff bag this bag fits Legit everything but I haven't worn okay. Here's the thing tonight Maybe I'll wear this bag because I haven't worn it yet. This is the one that I left in London And I got it because we have so many events coming up for the pink scarf. Also, it's my favorite color That's not the only reason I got it, but I plan to wear it to all these events We have like a Lila's happy hour next week. We have her or triple oddies, but we have like a Valentine's Day thing It's just gonna be also like my most worn bag probably this summer Okay, listen guys. I got this puff jacket from Hill House, and it was pricey But it's one of these things and I'm like I will wear this forever and like I want to go skiing so bad I'd never been and basically every ski trip that I've almost gotten this year has gotten canceled So I did get this thinking I was gonna need even more wear out of it due to My pen just ski trips that are not happening because no one wants me to ski, but I just think it's so cute like it is Adorable and I think it's something I'll keep forever. I love it like floral prints. I love like the cottage core stuff right now So it's kind of just perfect I have this that's from Urban Outfitters, and I've tried to link it a few times sure you guys and I haven't seen it I actually got this in I think it was my newly and I bought it from them because I just loved it so much And it's like one of my favorite things one thing about me. I love a vest Okay, and these are so cute the thing about best you is that they really are so classic So I feel like this fast my great best I block that stick I will keep them for like 10 years because I love them so much And it's not like you're like washing them constantly and like they're not getting like worn out because I'm just wearing them For like a couple hours over my actual clothes, but this vest is really cute. I'll try to link other ones I also like getting my vest from H&M. Um, I try to like limit shopping there, but the vests there are really really good Okay, also this fur jacket or coat I got really just because it like was so cute for my outfits in Europe and then also I fur coat You know sometimes I'm like am I over these I'm I over them You know and the other times I'm like so like these obviously it's fake fur by the way I feel like they come and go in and out of like style, but they're kind of a classic and This is the softest thing you'll ever wear and it's so warm and just fun and like something about wearing this It's just like funny to me So I love this Abercrombie sweater. It's just a chocolate brown sweater I honestly should be wearing this. I'm actually gonna change what the sweater that I'm wearing now I am like such a cardigan the holiday girl, but Not for right now. I have meetings and like, I don't know. That's not really the vibe that I was going for today Anyways, this Abercrombie sweater Abercrombie is like my favorite go-to pretty much every pair of jeans that I wear Every pair of jeans that I wear the most are from Abercrombie But even like every pair of denim that I have is essentially Abercrombie. It's rare that I have any others at this point Because Abercrombie is just the best Anyways, this isn't the sweater. It's so cozy. Love. Okay That's what we're gonna keep it for like clothes and underwear because a lot of them I wear They're not even clean right now, but it's like the skims long-sleeve shirt This one's actually a Ritzia, but like the one I was wearing earlier under my hoodie is skims I basically live in a skims long sleeve every single day and I have all different kinds I love the fits everybody probably the most but I wear them all like it really doesn't matter Um, so I wear that pretty much every day and either like sweats, jeans, uggs, outerwear, scarf And that's pretty much it. Okay, moving on to my favorite like skincare products and things I've been using lately I also really need a self tan tonight. I said this before and I'll say it again This is the best setting spray ever. It makes your makeup look so good I'm obsessed. I've been using this J.Lo perfume. I like oh that wasn't even my hand. Um, I like it But it's morphe setting spray Unbelievable and you get this massive one 23 dollars for 39 dollar value. It is The best like I love it. I also have been working on my hair health and my sister made me buy this orbe Restyling spray. Um, and so anytime it's like a I don't even know if it's a heat product in it, but basically anytime I'm restyling my hair. I use it Guys, I have this Jones road miracle bomb, right? Isn't that what it's called? Like what does that do? What does the miracle bomb do? I'm kind of lost honestly Um, I am gonna put a little bit of makeup on just because I want to look a little bit more alive Then I am like feeling today. I use my dibs sticks like every single day I want to use other bronzing sticks I feel like maybe I'll find one that I like even more But I do really like the dibs and I like the blushes and it's just so easy for travel The rare beauty happy liquid blush a dream like this has been one of my favorite products in the past year I need to get a new one. I'm pretty much out, but I just love rare beauty. What's crazy and different I think about your beauty outside of being like a celebrity brand or whatever and like it actually being really good Is that in like name another makeup brand? That you like they have like a cult product in every category. You know what I mean Also, I look a lot paler on camera than I do right now.  I don't think I don't even have a concealer, but the foundation is amazing I'm using the tarte Pressed powder. I just love I'm not tart throughout cosmetics But you could do like a full face of rare beauty and it would like still potentially be your favorite products You know what I mean? Like everything they make is incredible and I feel like that's rare. Normally you have like a few Colts classics and give on to the next brand, you know Oh, also, I cannot believe I didn't mention this. So this bronzer that I've been using it's this fenty bronzer in the shade Coco noni seven it is so good Like I went over to even my guy friend's house like on Friday for a pregame and they were like Oh my god, you look so tan and they even said that I looked really pretty which is like really something for them to say And I swear it is that bronzer like it makes you just look it's also a warmer shade Which really could be all the difference for me. So I feel like most of my bronzers are More of a cool shade and it just warms up my face So much my makeup artist is who used it on me first and I was like that is what I need So love that. I also wrote the makeup by maria like the master pat What is this that like yeah master mats the thing is like I have all the makeup brushes in the world Well, that's dramatic. I did buy a new makeup brush Set, okay, like an eyeshadow set I still it doesn't matter what I do it looks the same every time and granted This is you know neutral maths whatever it's gonna look similar I don't know and like I also don't try that hard So that could also be something but like even when I was younger and I was really trying a lot harder It really doesn't matter what I do, but I do want to start doing like Um eye shadow eyeliner, you know just really powdered eyeliner because I love when people do that It gives you like a little soft effect. So I definitely think I'm gonna start doing that But that's just kind of like my current favorite products Oh, um, I'm sure all of you guys have done the mary phillips Um technique where you put your bronzer and concealer on before you put your foundation on And I love that like it's way more my vibe of makeup. It looks like more natural and Whatever Um, I'm not like a full glam girl. I also can't do full glam So like maybe I would be a full glam girl if I could do it But even if I could I don't think I would I'm just like too lazy when it comes to getting ready Like my sister will spend so like she's just so good at makeup It also like doesn't mind spending like so long to get ready. Whereas like I I don't have that like Patience or like dedication to make it look like I wish that I was like that I wish I was good at it like her, you know what I mean? And she that just taught herself like she is really good at it and I am Just it's not my thing. I'm not good at it. So anyways Dive cosmetics mascara as always I hear mascara. I have a code normally for dive cosmetics on the podcast So if I do, I'll try to put it below obviously the morphe setting spray today I have a meeting with my management team about 2023 and Goals and just things that I want to do and then after that I have a meeting with the family place Which is an organization like charity that I work with and we're doing um Like the sneaker s'more thing in Dallas And then um, I just have like work that I need to do and tonight I we're doing like a Botox And like lip hydra lip face not hydro hydra. What is it hydra facial on your lip? I don't really know. I never heard of it until he told me about it. Apparently it's amazing So I'm doing that.  So That is it for my favorites portion of this vlog and then maybe as I go throughout the day I'll think of more that are just not right in front of me I'm hoping I get like a wind of inspiration to like go through and spend an hour just decluttering my house And get rid of stuff because that will make me feel better But I'm just so confused how this stuff even gets here. I just don't know because I really really don't know Okay, I'm logging on to my meetings this stupid tv that is purple behind me Guys, I know that I can change the screen saver and I have multiple times and they keep getting people asking me How I changed it and then I just need to let you know that uh, it comes back. So there's not much I can do Anyways logging off guys tuna sandwiches They have be it and you know, this might look a little burnt. Who cares? Who cares? So good. I didn't put I got ladies. I didn't put tomato or apricot or anything else on there Because I was just so hungry But it was like I just had tuna and that was quick like whatever I made yesterday I know this is not a revolutionary concept, but why haven't I been doing this? All right guys My day is actually nowhere near over or I'm about to head out. You can't even see me Sorry, I'm heading to my little germany med spa thing Um, I worked all day my mom came over for lunch. I need to go through. I got a bit more packages today I need to go through the clutter. By the way, I have a family. I don't sell any of my stuff I don't feel right doing that when like most of it was like gifted for free That just like feels weird to me. But um There are like women shelters and dogs that I used to Donate to like genesis, but now I mainly donate to like one specific family that's like in my like life Um, I give a lot of stuff to friends, but I also give a lot of stuff to them So I do get a lot of questions about that. I don't sell it and um, yeah, I donate everything So anyways, I didn't even change. I'm just wearing this. I'm just I mean you guys already know I'm like in a funk, you know It's just we're working on it.  I would I don't feel awkward mostly I'm like, you know what I mean? Everyone's like being extra nice, but I don't care. I feel popular Guys, let me tell y'all a little something that I just did at this botox party that I have First off if you guys are in Dallas and you want to do a botox party At germany you easily can't you just have to get 10 people and then you get membership price things It's like nine dollars.  It's a hydrophacial on your lips, but it gives you a little bit more like plumpness They're so hydrated, you know in the winter. I feel like I'm putting on chapstick every Honestly like 20 minutes And my lips feel so hydrated and like so soft Anyways, because I've never heard of a hydrophacial lip perk like myself You need to go get one because it's amazing in member pricing Here it's 30 dollars So I don't know and it was like so quick, but it's like literally life changing like I will be doing this regularly now Anyways, I'm heading home now great news. I'm back and I think I have A little a little motivation in me to quickly just go do a quick declutter first a face mask And then a declutter and then a self tanning moment And then we're not like I have all these clothes that I haven't even been able to put away at because My closet is basically full. So we're going through And just getting rid of stuff not getting rid of it really good. Any of you yet?  Wait, do I keep it on?  So I'm just gonna try this For a second. I know it doesn't really make sense because slugging is supposed to like, you know, lock the products in but Whatever I have more Hydrogel face mask. I mean these loops face mask in general. This is a new one But just their classic mask. I will link them below treat yourself because they are The best like there's no better face mask at all And I just feel like my skin is so dry. I booked a hydrophacial for next week like the january like Slump almost is kind of hitting me I actually like january, but january is kind of a hard month Anyways, it's hard on your skin, too like Everything about january. It's a little tough. This definitely has a lot more like hydrogel Where it's blocking is supposed to be slugging Because the other side of your face a little bit easier. This is like exactly what I needed Okay, off to figure this out I love my closet. I didn't fully declutter the closet, but I got rid of stuff that was like on the floor I still have like these clothes the corner left A lot of the hangers, but I got a lot done and I'm feeling a lot better and I'm gonna go shower And self tan every night Like literally every single night before bed. I put my outfit off the next morning. I have like my whole life, but I don't plan my like real outfits anymore. I should just start doing that. Why don't I do that anymore? I don't plan like my actual outfits for the day Which would save me so much time and make my life so much easier, but I do always have like my workout stuff out Um, I've been wearing a lot of fabletics lately I'm working with them on the podcast and they've sent over a ton of stuff And it is like so good like I forgot how much I love Fabletics like in college most of my a lot of my favorite sets were from Fabletics and then also I just got a package from story. So This bra is fabletics Cute it's just simple black and then these leggings are Story, I think let me see I'll probably share with y'all a fabletics haul tomorrow because you've got a big package in But I have everything ready.  I'm really I'm feeling like Good, you know, I feel like I'm getting out of this. What I really need is the infrared sauna I just don't have time to do that tomorrow. I am going on friday So that'll help but I should have just went on monday because the infrared sauna followed by cryo Cures all like it actually really does Good morning guys okay I wish I had time to get started my self work class. I don't think that I will Start in 30 minutes. I don't know. I really want an iced coffee Literally yesterday literally yesterday, so I'm not doing that anymore as soon as I wake up But I did wake up over an hour ago. So That's why it's different today anyway This skims boyfriend t-shirt is the most comfortable There we go most comfortable shirt ever these leggings are story. I feel like like I don't know just fabletics run big Typically because I feel like all this I'm getting them was a little bit too big and I'm normally a medium But now these story. I don't know like maybe my laser is changing and things are not like fitting what they used to and so now I'm confused and that's probably what it is. Anyways, um, I'm going to hot pilates this morning I'm very excited. I haven't been in like two weeks because I have to cancel my classes last week And it's just always a great time Okay, it's been really cold out.  I'm getting a blowout today. So it's really just on its It's really on its last Last and also these bar crews are like the best crews ever.  I just I want this basic crew with nothing on it is basically what I want Guys, I'm doing great. I was supposed to be late The first time literally ever I'm always 10 minutes early got here five minutes.  So anyways got my coffee. Here's me before pilates Love it. Look comes in out the new song tomorrow. I mean, I'm like living Here's me after and the smoothie king line. That was tough. I'm feeling good. I have therapy And then I have so much to get done. But here's the thing. I've said this before I get I'm gonna blow out. I get so much done when I'm in a blowout chair Like I don't know what it is. It's like I took like Adderall or something. I've never even taken Adderall before but like something like that. Okay, like it just Yeah, so hopefully I get a lot done and we'll see. Um, I got so many ideas. I need to text Jess while I was And pilates, which is what normally happens to talk ideas. I got in pilates Okay, bye. All right guys, I went to therapy and little life update and an effort to become Less at least of an anxious avoidant. No of an anxious. Okay. Fuck. I can't talk also like I need to wear clothes that aren't sweats every day But like I work from home. So it's really difficult to get me to like want to wear jeans, you know Even though obviously like that's better and makes you more productive and blah blah blah But like I just I haven't been in the mood. I have not been in the mood. Okay little life update and an effort to become Um, well to unbecome an anxious attachment style. I do believe I now I'm going to avoid it. Okay If you guys don't have anything about attachment styles, it is the most interesting thing ever The book attached is one of the best books I've ever read as someone who like doesn't even like Consuming any sort of dating content because it just gives me anxiety. I don't want to hear all these rules I don't want to hear this if I don't want to read like I'm just so over it. I feel like when I was going through a breakup I was so fascinated by it and then I just like learned a lot and since I've like really Stopped dating for a very extended period of time not anymore as of recent But like I was like completely not dating for a long time It just something about it gave me Such unneeded like pressure and stress and it just like made something that already didn't sound fun Seem even less fun. Anyways with that being said the book attached is so good I read that in 2020 and it helped me more with All types of relationships obviously more so romantic relationships like it's a dating book But it is so much more than a dating book. It is so good anyways I was an anxious attachment style And typically you become your attachment style based off like your childhood A lot of it is like largely a first year of life too, which is crazy Um, and now I think I'm going to avoid it with commitment issues So and my commitment issues. I mean like I'm not even convening too much. I mean committing to like texting someone back Yeah, it's it's dark. It's dark here. So anyways, I'm going to get a blowout.  Do you guys know the the scam that is the dry cleaners? First off, what even is dry cleaning can someone explain that to me?  I had no idea it was going to be that expensive I was just like, oh, yeah, sure whatever didn't ask the price Because I just like in my head it wasn't going to be that much money like that. I can't describe it other than You know what? No, I think it wasn't that I didn't ask I think it was that like once I gave it to the table me or something like that. I don't know Basically, I had no idea that they like robbed you there like it Was something else. Okay. Anyway, so I'm sure you're short. I now have my blowout with my bouncy curls And I feel amazing. All right guys. We're back home I'm gonna start getting ready. I'm gonna just do a very light makeup as we know This has been a very low energy week, but I did just want to catch up I've been having some thoughts finally. Here we go. Getting a blowout. I mean it is my ultimate self-care I've been so exhausted this week like I was in like a very deep thought. What am I saying? Okay, this is I was like being that was supposed to be sarcastic And then it like was just sounded very serious like it. Okay. Anyways, also I forgot I put all of my like favorite lip products in here. I think when I was going to Europe Like what am I doing? That's where they've all been. I even got a new pill of talk. Okay. I like hate being me sometimes Oh, maybe I should try the rublon concealer. Anyways, there's a few things I wanted to say first off, um on the topic of the whole like macaela mascara gate that's been all over tiktok this week I'm sure like a week ago. These vlogs go up a little bit later guys I agree That you should be honest and transparent and not even just ads but also like anything to do with like Like I'm very like if I get anything done, you guys will know whatever but also in terms of like surgery or something more drastic Like I also think at the same time like you do have A right to privacy. This is obviously silver for the mascara thing You don't have a right to privacy but just because obviously like my entire purpose of being on the internet is like I don't even know like I feel like we're all friends. Like I would never want to like contribute to unrealistic um Body image stand if you don't understand like personally for me as a pillar in my life It is important for me to be honest And I think is important as a whole but I also respect when people it's like, you know, you're allowed your title to privacy You're entitled to you know, whatever. Anyways, that doesn't have to do with the mascara thing, but I think regardless of being an ad or not You should be honest of like lashes or mascara Did you think it's not great to lie about that in an ad even though? Obviously, yes, commercials lie about all the time. Obviously. Like it's always a lie like pretty much always Um commercials are always lying about that. Okay. The difference here is that this is an influencer and you build your brand off of Your like genuine connection and authenticity with your audience So That's where it gets tricky if she's really wearing eyelash. I can't believe this is the job that we have in the internet right now If she's really wearing lash extensions Yeah, I don't think that's like the best thing to do like I really I'm gonna put this primer on and just whatever I don't think it's the best thing to do, right? But are we gonna kill her like what like it is I'm just saying like Yes, I don't think it's great and I you know, whatever but like also at a certain point It's like I think we all just need to go outside. I think we need to go outside. I think we need to touch some grass I think we need to breathe in fresh air. Okay like Like if you just like look from like a different perspective of like This is not life-ending. Like I don't know. I I understand and I do get it and like I Personally also as an influencer would not do that. I think right. Oh, I'm not even using this. So it's fine. Yeah I personally as an influencer wouldn't do that Because I do care about like being honest and whatever But it's at the same time. It's like guys. I think we have to like I think we have to um, I don't know. It's it's like also it just It's not great, but like also What guys like we gotta we gotta do something. You know what I mean? It also just I don't know. I'm like kind of I mean, I'm very much so going through it And I feel like that's not obvious like in therapy today. I was like, I'm just very you would It's like I think I I don't even think this is right I guess we'll see I feel like when it comes to Oh god Okay like I am you know when you're like going through Like a harder time or more like traumatic Experience or something and you're just like more in like fight or flight and things just like set you off more That's where I'm at now. And when I was in therapy today, I was just thinking like Yeah, even like friends. I haven't seen like two weeks.  So it was like a lot of grief, right? Bear with me like I have a point with this conversation. Okay And I have just I don't know. I feel like On the internet like there's so many things where it's like you can look at someone and like have no idea They're going through anything even a lot of my friends that I haven't seen recently would have like no idea, right? But why and I think just that's kind of like my personality type sometimes Like I still need a little bit of normalcy during these periods of time Um and also just like your life Still goes on when like things are happening This is I like hope I'm making sense, but again bear with me guys. I was thinking tonight and I was like wow it like Really does suck sometimes When you're like on the internet and you're any of us I feel like when you're on the internet and think you want to be like fully authentic and fully yourself But there's just things that are going on that are like just really not even like One not your business to share but also like not even like appropriate at that time to share You know whatever and it got me thinking about Okay, I'm like pretty much out of foundation I like need to do this like this is what's to happen to my gnar's like that's how it came guys Okay So then I was like wow I kind of feel fake because it's like you know I am going through it But like I'm posting like my life and it's happening because that's also happening It's like both and But it is kind of crazy like and then it's like wow my fake But then I was I was talking my therapist about this like I just think like while it's important to be authentic It's doesn't mean that you have to be like on the internet crying all the time I'm just not an internet crier. It's like not my thing And also I just spend like way too much money in therapy to not just like talk about it in therapy You know what I mean or like whatever and I'm not saying it's a bad thing That's just like not how I cope with things and it's not the best what so with that being said It also sucks because I care so much about like being authentic and like when I feel like there's something going on I can't talk about or whatever it makes me feel like I'm like almost like further away from y'all or like disconnected Which like sucks, but like it doesn't It wouldn't even be like healthy for me to be talking. You know what I'm saying You know what I'm saying What do you guys think about like being authentic because I think you can be authentic without Oversharing and like trauma dumping and I think that like the internet has confused being authentic stuff at times with trauma Dumping and then on top of that when you're in this like fight or flight thing like I've been so Tired all week obviously in a funk to like put it loosely but like so tired all week long And I know it's like I'm emotionally exhausted But I just I don't know it's like obviously it's important. You never know people are going through You know whatever but also it's like when I'm in fight or flight Like I woke up this morning to a girl who was like trying to attack me on Instagram Like posting all these stories and stuff and I was like I can't even deal with this right now Like I I'm not gonna respond and like I don't think she meant it towards me But it was just like I do not have the emotional capacity at this point And also like I will probably just like not respond in a way that's like me, you know But because I've been like more on the fight or flight the internet is bothering me so much right now It's like to let people live like no one can do anything without people like So over responding or over reacting or like and I'm not talking about like social justice issues to be clear That's never what I'm talking about. It's like things that are just so So I don't know it not even the Michaela thing like just like everything like I feel like everyone And again, like this is coming from like my perspective right now when I'm like in like a Really emotionally stress thing. So I like picking up on the negatives and it's bothering me more or whatever like normally I'm like whatever But sometimes it's like guys. I really I really think that we just need to go outside And I don't even mean that a condom anyway. I just mean like why like it is just like At a certain point like are we not embarrassed that this is how we're acting? You know what I mean, you know, I've talked a lot about My like not dating experience I'm gonna feel like I haven't even talked that much about it because I haven't been dating in so long And for whatever reason I feel like I just I'm like More open to it than I was What's interesting and what I mentioned earlier is that I used to be more of an An anxious attachment style and I would always go for avoidant attachments And it was like there was something in that that was safe to me because I don't know What it was necessarily like recreating from like my childhood or what but like or if it's like a hyper independence thing Because it was like I was anxiously attached and I wanted that but like I would go for people Who are like emotionally unavailable so consciously so that They couldn't get like really close enough until they would get close enough.  I've noticed myself Being like I think I'm like an avoidant or like a commitment fobe at this point Which is so ironic because if you would have like a year and a half ago That is so like not not what I was like literally at all so Got a backpedal on that That Alexa lo see told me years ago and I I've said it so many times online I mean I always credit her but I don't think she would even I actually should ask her if she remembers telling me this I saw her recently But I was very young in LA and she was like always just so nice to me um and we were at her house one day just talking hanging out and She said that she got this advice and it was like don't date someone unless You're already amazing unless they make your already amazing life more amazing I'm like also not dating like it's not that I just feel like I'm not I was like closed off as I once was like I was very Closed off like a person like a boy will like talk to me and I'd be like leave me alone Like I was just like I just I don't know I feel like I was just like I'd overdone it for a while and I I mean there was just some Some experiences. I just needed a break is what I needed. I needed a break But I now feel like I'm in a lot better of a place like with that stuff However, now I'm noticing after all that I think I might be the commitment foe in like also It's interesting because it's like weird I feel like a lot of the time we get confused or at least I will but I feel like anytime I always say we because I feel like anytime I voice something online or on this channel Either the world at large feels that way or like y'all feel that way because I feel like we're very close And I'm sure that we all have a lot in common like a lot of the girls that I mean public all the time Are I feel like I would be like friends with all of you guys, you know and like we get the concept of being emotionally available and like overly emotional confused those you've been texting my cousin today And I was like I think like I It's like I will write people off because I'm like, uh, they're like too emotional And it's like no like and by the way, there is a difference like you there is a difference in being overly emotional and emotionally available But I'm like they really are two separate things because I would say the even if the last two guys that I dated were very emotional But like emotionally unavailable, but because they were so emotional it didn't seem like they're emotionally unavailable like emotionally unavailable is like Healthy they go to therapy. They're clear. There's clarity. You know what I mean? Like it's just different But I feel like I've confused even like in recent times in my life Like someone I'm like, oh, I don't know. They like seem really emotional and then I actually like Guys that are a little more emotional because the guys in my family like my immediate family are Definitely more emotional, but I don't want like emotional towards like Really intense, you know, like just like not afraid to show emotion more so Uh, because I think that's actually like a really like strong trading quality to have But I've also noticed myself like confusing that I'm like that is not Even the same thing like literally at all, you know So anyways, it's kind of where I'm at. I feel like after this week. I'll feel a little bit better I also have PMDD and this is the week I have like one week a month where I'm like really out of it and really tired It's like honestly horrible But really like every three months like on that cycle It's way worse the week leading up to my period and I've just been like So tired and like emotional and whatever and there's obviously things going on that would make me that way but like Not I don't know guys like I really don't know macy and I today. We're going to the ranch and Los Calinas It's this restaurant that looks like right up my alley It is outside of Dallas. I really don't honestly do anything unless I'm with family outside of Dallas I think also because like I grew up here So I grew up outside of Dallas and once you live in a city It's just like I don't know if this is like every other city But like once you're in the city, you just don't want to leave like everything is here Why would you leave such a long drive even though like it's 20 minutes? Like if I would have heard myself saying that when I looked in LA I would have like literally Yeah, no like that 25 minutes is nothing there, you know favorite setting spray It's also the first time That I have put makeup on all week.  I don't have lip liner like on me But I'm gonna try this now I got this in at Harrods when we were in London I also I just when like on this topic of like when you feel like you're in fight or flight And you're just like more emotional It's like so it's like almost like you know like when you have anxiety and suddenly you think all your friends hate you It's like that too. I'm like, all right like I don't know. It's just I don't know. I feel like it's just like everything gets like more intense. Oh shoot I got both of my foundations are falling apart. Everything gets more intense And annoying, but there's always good things happening even during the bath And that's what I always remind myself of because like so much of my life is amazing like there's just You know like I don't know that's just like kind of typical but JLo perfume. It's like a good I don't know. It smells good. It's a good perfume I also got this iphone stand that I use for tiktok a lot. I'll link it on amazon I like to like millennials do that on tiktok, right? Um, or is it gen Z that does that? I feel like that's like a millennial thing now. Anyway It's good. Brea had it when we went to the cooking class and they like, oh my god I knew how to go to a cooking class soon. It's a genius idea Okay guys, this is my look for Today, I look so like country and I really didn't mean to The only reason I'm like so conscious of it is because I'm going to this place called the ranch I don't want them to think I'm a tryhard. Um, you know what I mean?  What about the little enthusiasm in life? You know It wasn't intentional though. Anyways this jacket my grandma made me for christmas. How cute How's this like, what is it twirl or twirl? What is it called? I don't even know horses I picked out the just like fabric. I love it. I have Abercrombie jeans on Cowboy boots skims t-shirts And that is the look I'm gonna get a little bit of work done and then leave but I feel good Now that I've actually gotten ready guys, I don't even know if you can hear us. Um, we're at the ranch Am I like a slater? I don't look as bad as I don't know.  You're purple is coming out a lot now Yeah Our Saturday in Fort Worth took years off my life and I mean that that's really saying something for me But it was the best night ever It was so fun And we're gonna do a little podcast episode on how to plan for the best night ever because Let's face it a lot of times when you go out. You're like, why did I go out? Yeah, I like how that's over during the walk I don't know that's a no, but it could be a good one. I should do that. Yeah Macy's in the podcast episode. She said she'll come with questions for herself Yeah, and I like know a lot of your guests are like really insightful and I'm like how to have the best night out I have more to say That's actually a really good podcast episode Thank you because I'm high and also low expectations But like chaotic energy. Okay, wait low expectations, but like I don't know the difference. I think we're good All the food that we got Amazing So we just went to funky fun studios. It's later and it was so cool If you guys need to pull like photo plays in dallas, but we're having a gallantines day event on february 9th there So if you guys are in dallas rsvp at the link below and also It's gonna be on my instagram and stuff, but it's benefiting the family plays So which is like the organization that i'm working with that is helping victims of family violence Which is one in three women in texas, which is crazy. So we're doing that We're gonna have a whole thing we're collecting canned goods We're gonna be selling the okai and a portion of that will be going to the family place and donated that night We're also going to have people like there to speak and just like hang out and drinks and food It's going to be a really fun time gallantines attire. Whatever that means to you Um, but yeah, it's going to be a great party. Hope to see you guys there in dallas, but it's very exciting Good morning guys. I just put on this set from story I tried to wear a new phabletic set and I think that either like my legs are changing from weightlifting or They just run big and I think they just run big Because a lot of the pieces were just like Almost like slightly bagging leggings and there's like nothing worse than that, but the stuff is actually cute So I have to forget that out I'm coming prepared with an outfit for after I need shoes too because i'm going to The sauna finally guys. I know I haven't done it all week but You get like really hot and gross obviously So I don't want to like put back on like stuff that I worked out and so bringing an extra outfit basically texted me this morning and she went to fits also before and basically when you walk in and you see like the bands on The equipment, you know, they are to do pull-ups that day and it's taking everything I make up I hate pull-ups.    I don't want to do them I have no interest. I don't want to be a part. I don't want to be involved I want nothing But if I don't I mean this is my fifth day of my workout this week. So I don't really have choice. So Anyway, I'm gonna go and I'm not gonna have a very good attitude.  So Wish me luck everyone Let me tell you guys a little something about my pull-ups my pull-ups today Okay, a little bit of my pull-up journey pull-ups are not fun and they're way harder than I remember as a child. Okay Started going to weightlifting like I don't know a while ago. You guys you know like at least I would say eight months six months I don't know. Whatever. Anyways, no one cares Anyways, I went to class today I walk in I already knew ahead of time That we were doing pull-ups because you can always tell because the bands are hanging anyways I got up there and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna face my fears. I'm gonna do it and I am strong Very strong these days. Um, and I Killed it. I did all of my and it four reps of eight. No breaks I mean, obviously with the band not on my own No one is doing it on man and with the black band at that which is the easier band, but who cares who cares? I am now the strongest person in the world. Watch out. I'm afraid to open doors Because what if I open a door and it just falls off the hinges like I have to be so careful with my new found muscles It really is just it's a bit scary these days. Like people no one knows No one knows what it's like to live like this to where I mean pretty soon I'm gonna break through all my clothes this coat I could barely fit around my muscles.   You don't have a bun. You have a beanie. You have socks. You have a glove on whatever and you go in for like three minutes I'm at three minutes and three or four for intensity. I haven't done it in a few in like a month honestly I used to do it weekly And I listened to that cryo by Beyonce and it's like my pump up song and it just really gets me going like it It is amazing And then once I leave that I'm like I'm running for president It does something to your psyche that like I can't even describe to you. I really can't describe to you It's amazing. That was just incredible. Okay Since I haven't done cryo in a bit I was like, I can't do this not really It's it's like a mental thing I really do need to see What I think it's negative 144 degrees like maybe I'm making that up and you're in this chamber in all of the like cold air is coming out But it's just crazy and you're stuck in there yourself the first time I went in I had a little bit of like claustrophobia and then after that I was fine Just like doing it once made it better But since I've gone up in intensity since I started I used to regularly do and I haven't been regularly doing it And I went and I like lessened my time only to three minutes, but I did intensity three and that I was like, oh my god I'm like literally gonna die But I made it through it's really more of a mental game. I'm not necessarily a cold punch girly Like I haven't tried that that scares me more for some reason than this because you're like immersed in water It's touching you and this is just like really really really cold air Um, but it does just help and it clears your mind. So I'm telling you this is going to be a great day It's gonna be a really great time. Hi guys. Sephora haul time. It is later on Came home while I got my laser. I went to Sephora came home worked I just finished the book that I've been reading the past couple days the rewind Would it recommend the characters make you like I hated the main character Her biggest problem. I mean like not that I don't know Not my favorite book. So anyways like I love these summer Fridays with bums, but I apply them too much and they just like don't last but that's because I just put too much on probably anyways Here is my Sephora home got the translucent ultra blur setting powder from Laura Mercier I obviously have the normal like Laura Mercier powder But I don't know if I have the blurring one I got two new lip products because I always do I got This merit. Well, I think it's like a lip oil shade stick. I actually don't have anything from merit and I've always wanted to try it out Okay, we'll see how I like that. Then I got this Patrick Taw Plumping gloss. I don't I haven't tried anything for Patrick Taw and I've honestly like wanted you What's what's like really popular from them or I'm just putting out every lip product that I have Oh, I really like the way that it like feels at least Okay, they were out of the happy Blush, so I got the like rare beauty I got it in grace, which I feel like might be like too much and too dark But I'm gonna try it. So I guess we'll see today Got this hyaluronic acid serum from the Inkey List that I love. It's only $7.99. I'll link all these products Um, because I don't want to put on with my nice expensive skincare before I go work out in the morning But I don't want to wear nothing And I want to wear something that I know I actually like oh, I also have the rare beauty Concealer which I haven't really gotten to use this. I have to get ready to go We're going to happy hour at Lila's in like 30 minutes. So I have to get ready and to the dogs out Gotta hurry up Okay, this is a concealer. It looks like pretty light But it's supposed to be like a highlighting concealer That might be really the wrong shade I got oh this glow gasm beauty light wand from Charlotte Tilbury And then I also got the makeup by mario foundation and the house labs by lady gaga I actually I don't know which one of these is my correct foundation. I think I'm gonna like shade I don't even know if either one of them is the correct shade. So we're gonna open this house labs I've heard like amazing things about this foundation both of them Okay, this is just becoming too much This packaging I don't know why I'm not thinking of beauty girl But this packaging is like beautiful and it feels like there's so much product in here Anyways, I was thinking about our little conva that we had yesterday And I don't know If I'm a commitment probe as much as I am like terrified of settling But I get like I know that like probably one day I'll just be like, oh, this isn't settling And you know or whatever, but like I just I don't know like I really Think it's so ingrained in me I don't want to be that person because that was so annoying I feel like in LA or just because of social media We're always looking for the next big thing the next best day or people are committing For the reasons that I'm saying like there's going to be something that comes around And I'm like afraid that I'm really going to become that in like the worst way But I my biggest fear in life I'm an eagram 3 so my biggest fear is failure and to me failure is settling and like I even just You know like you look at your friends and you're like you could just be doing so much better Not because they're like not a great guy, but because like there's just There has to be like more than like what you're settling for You know what I mean? And I'm like I just I don't know I get Really worried that that's going to be me because I also can get like attached to people And I don't want to like get attached to someone and then End up settling you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know I'm still kind of down as you guys can tell but hopefully Just like a chill night will help me. I'm also really feeling right now So I'm still going in with the Mary Phillips method Isn't put a lot of get ready with me this week, but honestly Or just like this footage. I just I don't know like I don't know it really don't know Okay, I was thinking this is going to be like a highlight Concealer, but I'm now thinking that this is just way too light So we will see It's going to be under my This is probably oh my god Wow Wow Wow, love what I did there Okay, it blended better and like think all the foundations going on under But this is like a highlighting concealer. I think Concealer corrector. It's obviously just way too light. I think I just got confused When I was checking out so We're gonna go and again, I didn't even know if this is the right shade We're gonna go in With the house labs foundation. I think I was supposed to do less of that I like it. I mean it's super natural looking and I don't know if it's because of this technique Or what I feel like a lot of the product absorbed in onto my hand like there's just I don't feel like that much was actually even picked up with the brush But I do like the foundation like finish It seems good. So I'm into that This new rare beauty blush In grace this seems It's totally different than what I normally wear It's like more berry and I really straight like stay away from like berry colors Oh, wow really pigmented My happy blush has been like out of stuff for so long that it's not that pigmented So I forgot that you like really have to watch Oh my god, what you do? Look, I look like a clown I also feel like I need to put a little more bronzer on and I should have gotten a new bronzer stick at Sephora But I just was like no I have them But what's y'all's favorite bronzer stick? Look, I liked it to the convenience and I just like it because I have it But I don't think it's like I just realized I did the same brush I'm not saying it's like the best thing ever But I do like it like I haven't tried enough to be like this is the best one ever So anyways, I like the foundation so far Still have to fix My makeup so uh this weekend. It's a pretty big weekend. It's one of my best friend's birthdays We're doing a lot of stuff for that and that's starting to make pretty early I've ordered those puff triangles like 15 times from amazon and it keeps saying they delivered, but they haven't So it's getting really annoying anyways tomorrow. I'm supposed to be going horseback riding And then we have Presley's birthday that's starting like pretty early And then sunday we have a hoplates. Oh my god. Look at how much there is on here Oh that oh god. Oh god. This is not good. Okay. This is not even the right thing for underneath my eyes guys I'm like really not okay. Do you ever like look back at old photos for yourself?  Oh my god. Damn it. I'm not kidding. It was like half of the Whatever that is. Okay sunday. I'm hosting a hoplates class with some of y'all For the opine and then sunday night. Jess and I have tickets to no calling off them for her birthday And he's finally in town. So that's exciting. Anyway, it's gonna be a big weekend So i'm doing happy hour tonight, but I want to be home Like I don't really want to go do anything tonight. I need I need to like recharge my social battery after my weekend last weekend and just The past couple weeks, but setting spray I couldn't bear to change out of these sweats even though They're like too stretched out now from what I've been wearing today. I'm gonna wear My pink bag for the first time and my pink scarf, which is downstairs So we're gonna go upstairs. I'm taking my patrick tall lip gloss with me. Maybe a little lip balm Um This isn't bad. It's like I really am not loving this. I'm gonna clean this up really quick Jess is gonna pick me up and Really soon actually. Okay. This is my outfit. I can't decide if I'm gonna wear a coat or not I'm gonna take the dogs outside and decide Um, I just have my scarf on all like white or cream Really really cozy. They're thinking about these pants. They're actually from raining all along But thinking about these pants is that they're sweats, but like they kind of look a little bit Like dressier, you know what I mean? So Everything's matching. I need to switch my bag over and also put my pink card case that by the way I got and I love Also into my pink bag The lash is nice because it's not just like super easy. There isn't a zipper on top of it So I'll link the bag still but it's like I would feel comfortable wearing this out in texas For the most part, but I maybe not like a big city. I don't know Like at least at night, you know, all the pigbucketing and stuff. I don't know what am I even talking about guys, but Just something to keep in mind if you will Anyways, I'm just throwing some things in here and then we're gonna head to lilas It's gonna be a great time. So there's Trends that go up and down and up and down and then I went to college in the 2000s And I was an athlete and then I was a professional athlete So I definitely became very neurotic and went down like a nice narrow path And I think taking the approach to overall wellness with your when you're considering your fitness is like the best approach, right?