In this week's video, we're going to take a look at depression. It's an issue so many of us are dealing with nowadays. And I want to give you really in this video five new ways to think about depression, what it is, and how we can actually start to deal with it in a much healthier way. So we're going to take some time here with depression. I want to thank you for being here, first of all, because maybe someone you know is dealing with depression, maybe you yourself are dealing with depression or have dealt with it in the past. And actually somebody sent me a question, and it was quite a long question, but there's one section of it here that I want to read to start our video today. And this person is dealing with depression. But their question, the part that I wanted to read at least was, it says, I was fine up until about three months ago, and that was until I had an interaction with my boss. So they were fine up until recently. An interaction happened with their boss, an authority figure, and she gave me some terrible feedback. It completely took me by surprise as my performance had been excellent until then. I had a series of panic attacks after this, and as the weeks passed, I found myself slipping into a depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, and I don't see a way out of this. I feel completely lost, useless, and without hope. Okay, so that last part there, without hope, is really the quintessential aspect of depression. And the first thing I want you to take away from this, the first tip if you like, is that what we need to do is understand what depression is. Because there's so many people, I mean, do a Google search on depression, what is depression, or how do I deal with depression, how do I get over depression, and you'll find hundreds of thousands of hits. But essentially you could break it down to, I mean, it is a big topic, but essentially you can think it's going to be a feeling of there's no hope. I've lost hope here. Now, hope in what? Essentially you could say, it's hope in terms of getting my emotional needs met. So it's a lack of hope that leads to a futility that we experience in life. So that's the first tip. We need to understand what depression is, and one way to think about it is it's, typically it's the sensation or feeling of hopelessness in our life. Just in general, you know, if you are someone that's dealing with depression, I see a lot of people with depression. I see probably more people with anxiety. And as we'll see here, two of these things are not unrelated. They're very closely related. In fact, you could even say that they're the opposite sides of the same coin, in a sense. But if you are someone who's dealing with depression, I want you to realize that it's absolutely okay for you to be going through what you're going through right now. We really need to start giving ourselves permission. Now, it's not a nice experience. I mean, obviously it's not a nice experience. But so many of us go through this experience at some point in our life. So we need to give ourselves permission. We need to realize it's an absolutely fantastic time in our life, even though we do want to withdraw into ourselves and isolate ourselves. It's a great time to think about, okay, if I've ever considered talking to somebody, or if I've ever considered seeking out help, professional help, maybe, this is probably a great time to consider doing that. And I can tell you, so many people that have gone through this, once they've managed to come through it on the other side, they actually look back and think, that was one of the most transformative things that has ever happened to me. Now, I'm not saying we actively go out there looking to depress ourselves or experience a depressive episode. Typically, it's the life itself will offer that opportunity to us. There's many things that will bring on an episode of depression. But we do tend to reevaluate things through this. It's also okay for us to be vulnerable, okay? Typically, we're often in a position or a state of being when we're not vulnerable or we're very reluctant to be vulnerable that leads up to this.  The other thing is to realize, okay, I'm going through this experience of depression. It's a good time for me to slow down. It's a really good time for me to slow down. I mean, the body is probably already showing us how to slow down when we're depressed. Our energy levels are just non-existent sometimes, especially in a clinical depression. It's sometimes even difficult to lift your arm up. Never mind, do anything. So it's really about slowing down. The other thing is, you know, there's the biological explanation about dopamine serotonin levels in the body and the brain. And personally, I don't know. I have kind of mixed feelings about this. What I do know is that many people I've talked to have been given a prescription by a psychiatrist and have said that it's been very, very helpful to them. Other people have had poor results. There's a lot of debate about this whole issue, obviously. But from my point of view, I can completely understand why someone will go to the psychiatrist when they're depressed. Especially, and here's the thing, especially if they have no social support in their life. But what I would encourage people to do, and I think a lot of doctors do this now, is that they encourage people, even if they are going to get a prescription, is to also seek out talk therapy or counselling while they're doing that. Whether or not it is a purely biological phenomenon that leads to the depression, or maybe it's life itself, that leads to the depression and then the neurochemistry of the brain changes to reflect that. I'm not sure. What I do know, one thing for sure, is that if we're going through a depressive episode, it's a great time to seek out help. The mindset we find ourselves in, it's very, very difficult to get out of that mindset by ourselves. So whether it be professional help or even some person or group of people in your life that you know you can rely on and you can be vulnerable with, we need to reach out to those people. Okay, so the first thing, as I mentioned, is if we understand what depression is, it's a lack of hope or it's a feeling of futility in terms of I don't think I'll be able to get my emotional needs met. The second thing I want to say, is that we need to realize that depression is not about trying harder in life. It's not about trying harder in life. In fact, it's often, after a prolonged period, many, many years of trying hard and we realize something goes wrong that a depression takes place. So if trying hard was the cure, I mean, what about all those years of trying hard that led up to the depression? It has nothing to do with trying hard. And of course, I mean, everybody who is experiencing depression, you know, if they thought that trying hard was going to actually do anything, of course they would do it. When we're depressed, we don't believe that. We don't believe that it's going to work because we have already been in a pattern of trying hard for a long time and actually we don't even trust trying hard anymore. So it's not about trying hard. But the next three little tips here I'm going to talk about, we're going to really try and break it down. And the third thing I'm going to say here is that we need to accept that this, whatever the situation we're in, this person was in a situation where things were going well and in an event it was bad feedback in this situation. It led to this depression. It led to anxiety before that and then a depressive episode. It's what I would sometimes refer to as we attach ourselves or we develop a persona which is a protector for us, maybe in a work environment or any environment or situation. But we have to accept that this protector, subpersonality or persona we develop and I'll explain that a bit more now soon, that will only take us so far in life. So what do I mean by this persona or this subpersonality that we rely on? Well, where are my people pleasing? Where am I desperately searching for validation from other people to be successful, to be popular, to be smart, to be respectful, to be ready for everything, to be more powerful or confident in myself? These are all things that we feel, we wear as armor when we're out there trying hard in life. And, you know, that's all well and good. That's, I mean, we all do it, right, to a certain extent. It's all well and good when that's working for us. So, you know, I'm out there trying to be successful, I'm trying to be popular, I'm trying to convince everyone I'm a pretty smart guy. I'm trying to show everybody that I'm ready for this. Until some kind of an event comes up and we realize this whole persona that I'm actually attached to here is incredibly fragile to the point where it takes some event, like negative feedback. And, you know, maybe the negative feedback in this case was not delivered very well. For instance, okay, maybe your boss, your manager yells or something, which is completely inappropriate, by the way. So, we realize that this thing that I'm trying to maintain here, this public image, this persona actually is not going to really work. It's not really very robust at all. So, we can start to accept that this thing hasn't worked. And, you know, this is really the realization that we get to in depression. You know, we're trying to cultivate that image equally over here in our shadow aspect of our psyche. It's like all this unworthiness and low self-esteem and low confidence and stuff I don't want to deal with. This persona is a way that we try to avoid that. We try to certainly avoid other people seeing it or sensing it in us. And an event comes up, the persona fails us and we find ourselves over here painfully reminded about what it's like to be over here. This is the depression. We're in the depression. But here's the thing. We're in this shadow aspect of the mind. That's what depression is. There's no hope over here. But we're still secretly kind of attached. We think I should really be trying to save my persona. Okay, I should really try to go back in there and be successful.  But we know it won't work. We know it's very painful. We know how vulnerable it is. And we also know much energy goes into cultivating that or sustaining that image of ourselves. It's exhausting. It's completely exhausting. Now what do we do with this? It's almost cruel to tell a person really we're attached to being the pleaser. We're attached to being successful. We're attached to being respectful and smart and everything else. Over here we're beginning to sense it's impossible. They're never going to accept me as those things now. So it would be almost cruel to tell a person you have to forget all those things. Don't try to be successful anymore. That's a pipe dream. That's what the person already believes when they have depression. Now here's the thing. Yes, the attachment to the persona is very fragile but only with the interpretations we currently had or we had before we had the depression. I'm going to explain that in a bit more depth here. What we need to do is with all the practical advice about finding a better support system and everything else on a psychological level what we need to do is find a way to reinterpret all the things we used to be attached to in this persona in a way that is going to be a lot more robust. Now really what we're trying to do is drop the persona entirely because actually what's happening is that we're only strengthening our shadow. All this hopelessness, unwordiness I'm not good enough, there's something wrong with me still. But we're going to reinterpret them which is actually another way of saying we're going to get out of the persona entirely. When we're out of the persona we're into our authentic personality ourselves. So for instance, what do I mean by that? Okay, I'm kind of attached to being a pleaser. If I have to go back into work now, I'm depressed and I have to go back in there to be the pleaser again. And it would be very scary for me to go in there thinking what if I'm not supposed to be the pleaser?  Well let's first of all realize what the pleaser is. The pleaser, if we look at the fine print there when I'm people pleasing in work it really means I am putting my own needs or I'm putting them as not important at all. I'm perceiving them as not important at all. It's self-sacrificial people pleasing. Now to reinterpret this doesn't mean that you go over here and now you're the person that doesn't please anybody or you're something else, right? A better definition of people pleasing would be, yeah, I'm going to please people and I'm including myself in that. I please everybody. I please myself I'm open to pleasing other people too. That's a different definition to the one we had previously been using. What about our definition of success? If you're in the depressed mindset and you have to go back in and try and attain that success which hasn't worked and it seems hopeless. Well what have I been attached to over here? This idea of being a success what does that really mean? It means to be somehow better than the loser I secretly think I am over here better than other people in the job I am in or something. We need a new definition of success if we're going to come out of the depressed mindset. Something we can start to cultivate a better relationship with as an attachment if you like and we want to start to see success as okay what is success to me? Well I know when I was in my job I felt anxious all the time. My new definition for success when I go in there is going to be my own emotional well-being. Not going to be some exterior um feedback I'm given necessarily but the ultimate marker for success here in this position I'm in is how do I feel emotionally when I'm in this place and my goal is that I'm going to start to feel more peaceful and that is my only job when I return. If I'm staying away from work for a while this thing about being smart okay? If I have to go back in there and pretend like I know everything when deeply I feel insecure about my lack of knowledge around a lot of things which is completely natural and human what does it really mean to be smart?  You know I don't know can you tell me more about that for instance I'm not going to pretend like I know everything because secretly I have this low self-esteem over here where I'm super critical of myself all the time any number of these things um respectful there's a good one I need to be respectful towards my manager what does this respectful really mean? Respectful means I need to be a doormat I can't ever express any of my own emotional needs in case somebody might feel I'm being disrespectful so that's what we've been attached to and that has influenced our behavior a new definition of respectful I'm going to be respectful to myself I'm going to speak authentically I'm going to consider other people's feelings but I'm also going to consider my own feelings and my own preferences needs and um that's our new definition okay see this is where you do a lot of the work in therapy is to convince someone to come out of a depression is to realize you're not going back into that old way of being which was very very anxiety provoking deep feelings of insecurity there all the time in case this fragile thing I'm trying to achieve gets pulled down we just need to realize there's an alternative there's an alternative mindset that we can occupy that isn't exhausting and also doesn't rely on as heavily at least on external validation now the fourth thing I'm going to talk about here is related to what I've been saying already is that we when we're working with depression we can accept that the persona that we develop does not and will never work so the persona that we're developing and it's fragile and it's proven to us in this person's question it's proven that it was very fragile it does not work and it will never work it certainly will not work long term it can work for a short period of time and you know that's when everything seems like it's going great maybe I'm still being a people pleaser and I'm trying to be popular and everything else it's good while it lasts but the point is it won't work and it will never work long term okay eventually something you know a pin will will prick that bubble right and we will realize okay this thing was kind of built on a house of cards if you like it's okay we realize I'm just not going to I'm going to look at all my attachments this person I'm going to look at from my point of view what I can do maybe I don't have to go back in there and be a doormat maybe I can talk about my own preferences a little bit and you know if there was any abuse going on in there maybe I can take some action in that because I'm as valuable as anybody else is okay each situation is obviously very very different but this is about accepting that our persona does not work and it will never work finally the fifth thing is we're going to reinterpret the persona to discover new ways to live so all our decision making will be different our behavior will be different our boundaries will be different when we start to reinterpret you know what our values are and what we're attached to in this persona that we're trying to cultivate it's no coincidence you know it's in this person's question it was an event came along that challenged the persona and maybe wasn't done in a very sensitive way which doesn't help but anything that challenges the persona is likely to put us into a into a depression now really the attachment that we have to the persona is not particularly good anyway and there are better alternatives better ways to live which is what we'll discover and that way of living as I said it has an influence on first of all how am I thinking and perceiving about myself in this position or my life how valuable am I am I as good as anybody else or am I as valuable as everybody else these are the kinds of things that we're reinterpreting after a depression with therapy it can be very helpful to do that for instance or with someone that you really trust and is supportive unconditionally but it's a little it takes a little bit of time to do this this is deeper work and it sometimes involves challenging the old ways of seeing that we had prior to the depression setting in we can take a good long look at our values and the attachments that we had and we can start to drop some of those reinterpret what's valuable what isn't valuable and when we do that we gently are willing to come out of depression we won't come out of the depression until we're willing to and you know if someone's saying just go right back into that old persona you had who would ever do that because they know that doesn't work and it feels very dangerous we reinterpreted this and now we feel okay there's actually another option and it's called stepping into authenticity it's stepping into self-respect stepping into a new way of thinking about yourself and the relationships in your life it has to be a new way because the old way we had has lost hope for us again it's that hopelessness which is the essential thing about depression a new way offers new hope okay and now we have that hope back what if I did this differently what if I started to do things in a way that I've never really done before now obviously with a lot of support and encouragement rest self-care those things are all fundamental I mean I'm talking about the persona and the shadow here I mean I wouldn't start off talking to somebody with depression really about these things really fundamentally self-care I mean that's one of the first things that goes out the window with depression so we work on those practical aspects and then we start to look at our values also and find a way to find hope through living in a different way and relating to ourselves differently so guys those are a few thoughts on depression it's very very common and I think now you can probably see why it's so associated with anxiety it's like if I'm in this persona I am going to feel insecure and I'm going to feel anxious I'm also going to feel tired and exhausted all the time when something comes along and challenges that it's going to put us right squarely into this depressive mentality or experience of depression and over here okay there's no anxiety anymore but there's this hopelessness there's also feelings of unworthiness shame even guilt what we're looking for is not to go right back into that old way of being it's to find new ways new ways of cultivating hope within ourselves and that way is so possible guys I promise you if you're depressed someone you know is depressed and you're watching this it is absolutely possible to do that now it takes a little bit of time to do it a little bit of work on ourselves but true talking with somebody can't emphasize enough how helpful that can be if you're in a depressive episode so I hope this video was helpful and if you'd like to know more or contact me you can do so through my website and if you have any comments or feedback on this video please feel free to leave them below but thanks as always for joining me here and I'll see you again next week pray for now


Do you want a DIY rustic farmhouse bed? We'll show you how we made ours for $150. What is up? Welcome back. If this is your first time here and you like to do it, build it or make it, give us a subscribe. This week, we're building a bed. We're going to make our own queen size bed for our littlest queen. We had a grill move out and now we have a grill moving up. One went off to college and the other one's moving into tween hood. So room makeover. We're going to slide the cut list in right here for a couple of seconds. And when you do that, we're going to set up over at the miter saw. Okay, so we've not made this bed before. So we're going to a little bit wing it as we go along. I'll be following the directions. First step is to cut the headboard legs and foot legs. So we're going to use a four by four and cut it at 52 and a half and 14 and a half. Get that. Got it. Next step, we're going to cut, we're starting with the headboard and we're going to cut a top header at 67. And the way these plans are written, so you know too, they're written so that you can adjust the measurements to a king or queen or twin size bed, any size bed. So we're working with a queen and it's width of mattress plus seven inches. So we're going 67 inches. 67. Yep. Okay, step one, now that we have the boards cut, we're going to attach the top rail of the headboard to the four by four legs using two and three quarter inch self tapping wood screws. All right. Well, the self tapping, maybe not so self tapping. I didn't get self tapping. So we're going to drill a pile hole. You look good. The boards for the slats that make the headboard and a one by two. That's the backer board to put the slats on. So we're going to use a one by two at 29 inches. And we're going to use, we're going to modify the plans a little bit. We're going to use one by eight instead of one by sixes. So we'll use four of those to make the headboard. We have laying around and I'm cheap. Okay. Step two, now that we've cut the one by two, we're going to attach it flush to the back of the headboard and then we're going to add the one by eight slats to make the, I don't know, headboard back. Is that what you would call it? Yeah. Sure. Headboard back. Headboard back. So we're just going to glue and nail these on. We're going to pocket hole the one by eight together and attach them together first and then attach them to the headboard. So the first thing we're going to do is add the pocket holes. We're going to flip it over, glue it and then hit these pocket holes to secure to the top. This two by six has the bottom brace of the headboard and we're going with a 60 inch cut. We have the headboard laying face down and we're going to use these clamps to mark a spot of 13 inches up from the bottom. Then we're going to attach this two by six between the legs. I like it. Alright, the two by six is going flush with the front of the headboard. Okay, so we're going to start with a two by six cut to the length of the mattress. In our case it's 80 and then we're going to cut a two by four to the length of the mattress that will sit on top at 80 as well. We're in the second set. We have a two by six that's cut down to 80 and we're going to put some pocket holes in it and attach the two by four to the top. This will be one of the side rails. This is step six from the plans in case you're following along. Which is a two by four, two by six cut to the width of the mattress, ours is 60. We're going to assemble the footboard. It's the same as the rails except then we're going to attach them to these four by four feet. Alright, we have to stand it up for the pocket holes. What do you mean? The pocket holes. The pocket hole is in this. Oh. It's like the two by four centers on the four by four. The holes in the bed rails. Just going to put three on each side of each bed rail. Alright, let's go dry fit it. We're going to attach the side rail. Garrett's measuring 14 and a half up from the bottom which is level with the footboard and he's going to use this little clamp. So the side just goes flush with the four by four. Next step is to add the cleats and the slats. We can't add those yet because we have to disassemble the bed and to symbol it up in the room. So at this point we're going to stand and paint and we'll meet you up in the room. Alright, since we're going to distress it and it's a girl's bedroom we're going to use some gray, a dark gray and some areas that we're going to distress it and then come through with some kind of purple pink color thing. Lilac. Lilac. So it'll just have a hint of lilac when we distress it. That's the thing. It's all sanded, we threw some spots in there so that it will peek through when it's all distressed and now we're going to paint it white. Time to assemble it. We're going to keep the footboard on the ground and stand the rails up to assemble it. It'll be a whole lot easier. We think. We think. I think. So all the cleats on the side rails we decided against gluing them because if we glued it we wouldn't be able to take it apart again. Because the cleats cover the pocket holes that attach the side rails to the headboard and the footboard so if you glue it on, that's it. That's it. It would be done forever. This is the bed forever. Go ahead and never go down this way. She'll always live here. For the cleats they are 60 inches same as your length of your mattress. We put some pilot holes in them and we're just going to screw them to the side. We're going to use these two bad boys. Little one by twos as spacers on the top. 81 inch cleat for the middle and some 62 inch slats and I'll be right back. Wait for me, Dan. Alright. Back. Yeah, should be 60. Can I see the pencil? Half would be 30. Ooh. Look at me. Look at you with the mathness.  Back with some 62 inch slats and I put a little pilot hole in them. We're going to space the slats out in the bed. Place the hand width. Now that little pilot hole that we had we're going to put a screw in them. To subscribe, if you haven't subscribed yet and hit that bell, be notified of our new videos and in the meantime, you can watch this old video or that old video. Not that old. That's not that old but this one's a better video. You should watch them both and we'll see you guys next week.


Here it is. The biggest circus or venue for chariot racing in the ancient world, the Circus Maximus. It once held 150,000 spectators and here's what it looked like at its height in the reign of Trajan located between the Palatine Palace on one side and the Aventine Hill on the other. Three principal events happened here. Racing, animal hunts and triumphal processions. Today we're going to concentrate on the racing that took place in the Circus Maximus, but first a brief history to understand just how it became Rome's greatest sporting venue. Tradition records that the Valley of Murcia, a local deity associated with Myrtle and Venus, was used by Romulus for celebratory games, honoring Consus, an agricultural deity also tied to Neptune, the god of the sea, but also a patron god of horsemen. He chose this then as the site of the rape of the Sabine women, honoring the gods and at the same time on the occasion of the festival stealing away the maidens from the neighboring Sabine tribe. The first historic mention of the space as a racetrack comes from the Tarquin Kings before the beginning of the Republic. They introduced chariot racing as celebratory events for victory already influenced by Greek chariot racing. Besides victory celebrations, the ludicircansis were heavily tied to annual religious festivals as a way to honor the gods. For example, the Ludiromani, or some of the most famous games held in the Circus, 15 days in September to honor Jupiter Optimus Maximus. Tradition states that already in the regal period, temporary platforms were erected called Spetacola, Forti, or even Fortuli and referring then to the resemblance to the deck of a ship. Continuing with the analogy, the Romans would call the racing crashes of the chariots an ofralgium or a shipwreck. The course itself was called a circus for the circular seating around the track or the actual procession or races that went around the track. The circus was subsequently called Maximus to distinguish it from Rome's other circuses, the Circus Flaminius, the Tragarium, the Circus of Nero, and the Circus Farianus of the Caesaurium Palace. The Circus Maximus underwent many phases, as over time it was flooded out from the Tiber River or burned down in fires. The first permanent structure really came to us only under Julius Caesar and then Augustus's version, still mostly in wood, already was documented as holding 150,000 spectators. The Circus Maximus was spectacularly destroyed in the fire of Nero in 64, suffered further damage and was rebuilt under demission, and the final phase, the most resplendent version of all and the largest, was under Trajan, whose impressive remains we see restored in this model, but it's also what's visible still today in the eastern end, an archaeological site that you can still visit. Now let's take a look at a day at the races. The games began when an elected official threw out a handkerchief known as a mappa. That's the start of the games and these elected officials are depicting themselves in that moment of honor. There are the magistrates located over top the starting blocks and we see it represented as a nice canopied structure giving shade to those elected officials. On the western end of the Circus Maximus, the stalls for the horses and chariots were typically called the carcheres, but because of the towers associated with it, it was also known as Apidum or town because that's what it resembled. There were 12 such stalls divided into groups of six and in between was a triumphal gate for the pompa procession before the races, the charioteers and the horses entered into the Circus Maximus and paraded around. Now a good example of those impressive towers is visible in the Circus of Maccentius on the Via Appia. When we look at the position of the carcheres, we see that they're located in a staggered form on the west end of the track so that when the doors open, the chariots traveled along a chalked lane to a point of convergence, the albalinia, a sort of a break line. And thereafter, there were no lanes and it was a free-for-all for seven laps around the track. Now, how did the gates open all at the same time? There was a pulley mechanism system anchored to a series of herm statues and we can see them beautifully preserved on this relief from Foligno. Now, when we consider those seven laps, let's consider the size of the track, 540 x 80 meters and the overall structure of the Circus Maximus, 640 meters by about 140 meters. So you had a massive amount of seating. We talked about the number of 150,000 spectators, that's a conservative estimate. The usual number of chariots that started each race was a four-horse chariot or quadriga and the person that was the driver was the origa. And these were typically freedmen or slaves that could become fabulously wealthy, supported by fanatical fans as they risked it all. When there was a day of races, it was typically 10 to 12 a day until the time of the emperors. From Caligula and onward, it was 24 races a day as a standard and on one occasion, the Emperor Domitian held 100 races in a single day. Crashes would involve many chariots and famously the deaths of some of the greatest strivers of ancient Rome. What do the chariots wear? Leather helmets and some protective wrappings around their bodies. But actually, it wasn't much of a protection and when we look at them on their little chariots, we see that they're essentially tied to the horses and if they ever fell off, they cut themselves away with a knife that was strapped to their chest. So it really was one of the most dangerous events in ancient Rome to witness. The fans were divided into four factions, each one distinguished by a color, representing the four seasons of the year. The factio prasina, green for spring. The factio rusata, red for summer. The factio veneta, blue for autumn. And factio alba, white for winter. When we look at the depictions of the races in the Circus Maximus, we don't just see the charioteers, we see other protagonists. And to the standout are the hortotores or dizultores that are riding on horseback. They are members of each of the chariot teams and they could during the race encourage or even assist the movement of the chariot of their team. The other figure that we frequently see on foot is the sparsores, who is a person with a bowl and sprinkles the water from that bowl to keep down the dust on the track. All of that racing took place around a central structure called the Euripus or the Spina. And it became lined with incredible monuments. Let's take a look. Charioteers raced around the track. They raced around a structure known as the Spina and I am walking along it right now. And we know from mosaics and Roman reliefs that the Spina was chalk filled with all kinds of monuments, two obelisks, statues of gods, the metiah, the turning post on either end and so much more. Of course, you're going to be able to see the counters, both eggs and dolphins that are lining the Spina. So this is one of the most important monuments within the entire structure of the Circus Maximus. And just imagine right here in antiquity I could stand as a privileged spectator, witnessing those chariots racing around and of course the thunder of the applause of 150,000 spectators.  At the far ends of the Spina are the metai, each composed of three canonical wooden cylinders in imitation of cypress trees. They marked the turns where crashes were imminent. In the center of the Spina was the obelisk brought to Rome by Augustus after the conquest of Egypt. It fell down in the Middle Ages and was re-erected in Piazzedo Popolo in the 16th century. A second obelisk was added by Constantius II and 357. It was re-erected in front of St. John Lateran by 6th to 5th in 1588. There were still other features on the Spina, large-scale statuary like that of Chibele Magna Mater on a lion and other statuary atop columns. The laps were traditionally counted by seven eggs posted on the Spina and in reference to the fact that Castor and Pollux, patron gods of horsemen, were born from eggs via their mother Lita. Agrippa, after his famous naval battles won on behalf of Augustus, added on the Spina seven dolphins acting as new lap counters. Drones were known for their speed, connection to Neptune who was also the patron of horses and of course also referred to Agrippa's own naval victories. The Temple of Consus of Romulus was also embedded in the Spina and was nearby the Shrine of Mercia. Beyond the Spina was the Arch of Titus, poorly preserved today in the archaeological park but marvelously preserved and presented on the relief from Filinio. The finish line purposely lined up with the pulvenar, a covered hall where the Emperor sat on the Palatine hillside opposite the Temple of Soul on the Aventine. The gods were ever present in the circus and so was the Emperor. In the end, the charioteer's fame rivaled that of the gladiators and the reward for the charioteer was the victor's palm and cash prizes. Dioclese, a charioteer from Portugal, ancient Lusitania, had competed in the time of Hadrian Antonius Pius and he won over 35 million Cisterces before retiring at the age of 42. In his inscription records that he won 1,462 times in over 4,257 races but not everyone lived to retirement. The poet Marshall recorded that the Audegate Scorpus who had over 2,000 victories died while racing at the age of 26. The city mourned the loss of Scorpus, lining the city with gilded busts of the fallen charioteer. There's so much more to discover in the Circus Maximus, animal hunts and triumphal parades. Join us for more discoveries and insights on the ancient world on Ancient Rome Live and you can learn more about the charioteers, their housing and stables in the campus marshes by checking out the mystery of the 4th century Domus on the YouTube channel at Darius Aria. We'll see you in Rome.


अद्याईगे लज्बसरेदेगीँ ज़ीवenez की सब बच़ें mere ka rey zind India noobesing jo ja. विरज ती भे पहली तेद अवड़ेग. अईद्याईगे वेद़ाई. एद्मनफ आद वाज का उसल्सर तू फीवट या एक मनेध्य है! ..Country Time disappeared in a minute. C'mon. C'mon. Come here. Would you like to join us, someone push you or something. Who is that? C'mon. ... più the most welcome to the university. All this yatra which we did. And you really think that now your view of India has changed? Yeah absolutely, para-chore-yatra what really surprised me what the love and affection, the people in this country have for each other. mani- slubbing, affectionate, humble country and a lot of what one sees in the media the adicons, the anger, the hatred is just superficial it's not real singh- listen again


So today, we're going to talk about situations ships What? What is that? I was waiting for you to ask okay, you know It happens to be the most popular of all relationships today or what's known as situations ships and situations ships are actually relationships with a lot of Ambiguity if you're not familiar with the work of Esther Perrell. She wrote the book mating in captivity. I'll pull it out later But she talks about something called stable ambiguity and stable ambiguity is where people are in relationship where they think they might Have monogamy or exclusivity, but they don't have certainty more importantly It's ambiguous because they don't know where the relationship is heading and this is the vast majority of people in Relationship today. So today we're going to talk about this Okay, all right. So as I just shared with everyone Stable ambiguity. These are the relationships where there literally is no certainty as to where the relationship is going And I think a lot of people experiences. Have you ever experienced something like that? Of course, you're gonna ask me that. Yes. I have okay talk about it And I got to check something to make sure the computer is working, right or the thing is working, right? So talk about I met this really great guy and I didn't see him that often because they live far and he was very giving and You know, what was is that? He was ex of service was his yeah, love language. So I had moved and he put up my TV and did all these great things for me and then you know, so I sat down and I said what so Let's define our relationship and he says, oh wait a minute, you know, I've been screwed over a lot of times We had to take this really slow And you think about it and like wait, so what does that mean and he says that I am not going to Commit to a relationship until I feel that it's right and You know in the meantime, I'm thinking Okay, so How long is this gonna take and This is not somebody I'm in love with yeah, so what do I do and I I decided to end it so You did what I'm recommending most women do and that is not to chase a Situation ship and a situation ship as I said earlier is the relationship where there's ambiguity where there's some uncertainty There's really no direction on where this relationship is going and I think that's the significant real issues plagued in relationships today or women who are Engaged where let me reframe that men who want companionship. They want connection. They want sex but without any real solid idea of commitment and well, okay, so now this guy he His profile was all bad that he was dating with a purpose. Okay, so I did believe that his purpose was to Eventually say, okay, let's do this. Okay, but you know, I thought when we had that talk I thought it was a good enough time to to talk about that but it was a big turnoff for me because You know, and I decided to go back on dating apps. I didn't see him that often anyway So you approached it from we're not on the same page I'm gonna go and make myself available to the dating marketplace. Okay. Okay a lot of women Don't do that. They hold out remember we talked about like seeing the best picture on a dating profile Or you see the best in the person they and that's what they look Yeah, or not what they look like but also their actions like they are the person who's The person who fixed my TV. Oh, he did a kindness for me or he changed my tire or he did this or he did that I mean dinner for him. So, you know, I was very grateful It was no but I'm saying in the case where a woman might experience a man who does a kindness They hold hope on that one kindness without really having a relationship that is truly building deep intimacy with one another And that gentleman, you know, I would have given him a chance But because he was a good man, but he just I don't know for all I know he was dating other people And I never knew it, but I just decided, you know, he lives too far As nice as he is, you know, it was a very amicable Split but still so in this particular case though He wanted to take it slow you had no uncertain you had no certainty you said I'm gonna cut my loss as a move on Well, it had already been a couple months. Well, yeah, no, no you cut your losses and moved on the real question is a I want to help women avoid getting into those types of dynamics with men where there's uncertainty number one Yeah, so how do we get there because I want everyone to establish either a short-term mating strategy Or a long-term mating strategy Well, my do you understand what I mean by that? Not exactly, but okay, but my situation ship. Okay, I You know, I could have stuck in there and you know, maybe at some point it would have worked out Yeah, I chose that my time was valuable. Okay, and I didn't I just didn't want to wait around for somebody That's gonna decide that now is the good time for him. Well, it wasn't a good time for me No, yeah, because I really I really wanted to find a lifetime partner so so where I'm coming from though is Most men seem to have a short-term mating strategy They meet someone they hope that there's chemistry and they hope something might change their point of view Because they haven't decided they want full commitment Okay, that's what I've observed in the dating marketplace Okay, yeah, he had a short-term mating strategy. He wasn't okay. He was really into me. Yeah He wouldn't have said that to me. Okay, so but he either didn't have a long-term mating strategy or he wasn't that into you. I Think he didn't have a long-term mating strategy because you're worth being into okay. I'm gonna say that for everyone watching I think you're worth it. But with that said though I do believe that there are men without a long-term mating strategy and as a woman your job is to Assertain very quickly. Is he serious about a relationship? Is he serious about commitment versus does he just like me?  And by the way Everybody on the dating app says they want a relationship Yeah, but a relation doesn't mean anything. No, it doesn't mean anything because saying you want a relationship means You know, I want full commitment to get married and the other person was I just want to see you at my beck and call You know, we were watching we were watching Pretty Woman last night and remember He kind of wanted someone at his beck and call and she stood in her power and said no I want the fairy tale now what she's really saying is she wants commitment Yeah, and so when you stand in your power It's not about Chase because a lot of women here. I wrote this down Some women feel like if I just give them more if I just give them more if I just give them more if I just show Him how wonderful of I am if I just show him I'm worth it. He'll want me I think women have a propensity of chasing men under the guise if I give him more he'll want me So in the case of Pretty Woman, yeah, like he goes in he gets her You mean at the end of the movie does he talk her into you know putting her up in a condom? No, I think I think in that particular case. He's like she's like look and we either live together or not And you of course this is a movie but it illustrates an important point She stood in her power and said I will not accept anything less and that's what I'm encouraging my clients My audience to do is to not settle for crumbs because it's really about The difference I was watching a video today that talked about The difference in the most the reason why most marriages fail is we stopped being a we or an us and The person goes back to being a me. Okay, they go instead of being a we we went to back to their meat I didn't relate to that. Okay, you've experienced that before and and I certainly I'd say to some degree. I wasn't in an unhappy place in my life So my selfishness in my marriage was because I was unhappy I wasn't a full me at that time So I couldn't really be a we in the relationship and I think a lot of women choose men who are dysfunctional The ground underneath them isn't very solid and they figure. Oh if I just love him through his dysfunction Fixer up the fixer upper. Yeah, and in that way she chases women or chases a man Because what you need to do instead Okay, you and I've been swatched the other day. The love is blind Okay, okay. I'm owning it. We watch love is blind tomorrow. Tonight's gonna be the bachelor I'm surprised you didn't say because Marie really wanted to watch I didn't say you want to watch it Why we're watching it is actually this is a study in human behavior And why I'd like love is blind is okay The two people are are in a pod. They're in separate pods talking to one another through a like a frosted glass or something like that Yeah, I don't know exactly a partition Okay, why is this important is because they're spending a lot of time Asking each other some serious questions before the romance ever begins in the relationship Well, this is what I teach radical honesty Prequalifying your prospects laying your cards on the table and more importantly what I talk about is the rules of engagement And the rules of engagement is establishing your standards right from the get-go Before you ever get physically intimate with a man What do you think would have happened with the guy if you establish your standards the situation ship? What would have happened if you establish your standard right? I wasn't that into him. Okay So that's why it was easier to just run but what would have what could have happened What do you think if let's say you were into him and you establish your standards right from the get-go What do you think he would have done? I don't know. I think he actually would have pursued you more aggressively when I When we ended it. Yeah, he did, you know, send me a couple text messages here and there I hope you're well and and I just didn't want to engage because You know, I I liked him. He was a good person But my point is if you establish your standards right from the get-go You probably if he wasn't into you he would have moved on and you would have avoided a few months of just kind of uncertainty Some women spent years in relationship and they don't know where is this relationship going? What are we doing this for? I think the importance of the also the also this the thing is that I had I was in the middle of moving and doing stuff. So I was really busy. Yeah, and he offered to put out my tv Offered to do it. You used him And then, you know that I make dinner for him and something so like I was very appreciative of that And I thought that would have catapulted The relationship a little bit further because we spent more time together but he Coming back to though You're doing more thinking it's going to catapult the relationship No, I thought because of of my move and he's he was around me more because I didn't see him that often But suddenly when I moved he's coming over to do all these things for me. Okay. So so Not I mean in this particular case The situation ship is again the ambiguity of where this relationship is going And I think most women these days find themselves in those situations And the remedy to that Is to establish your standards at least listen ladies If you're having regular sex with a guy if you have sex with them you have every right to establish your standards I think most women they they just either they Expect the man to lead or they just hope again if they like if they just give enough The man will change his mind Well, living in a state of limbo is not good. No Now you we've talked about men who are in a really bad place in their life Or they're going through a transition at work or they've got some other red flags going on their life Those men investing them can be very problematic. Right. I agree. Okay. So Why I teach radical honesty and by the way folks There's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you There's a link below The reason why I teach what I teach is because I know you're reading the comments is because I'm encouraging women To stand in their power not to give your power away. So many of you give your power away by By basically waiting for the man to choose you It's it's just as much your choice. In fact, I'm going to encourage you that you are the leaders You're the emotional leaders of the relationship Okay, in our relationship. I'm the emotional leader No, the purpose of this video is really to to get women to understand that they they have a choice to not put up with nonsense I keep saying that do not put up with nonsense If he really is into you, he will make it known to you Do you have a girlfriend who's a friend of yours? That's like your Tough love person, right? Yes. And did she along the way while you were dating prior to me Make sure you didn't put up with nonsense. Oh, absolutely We all go ahead tell me. No, she's she just she would beat me up I mean, I felt emotionally beat up sometimes but it was you know making sure that I didn't do something Stupid so it was the one person that knew everything going on in my life because I'm very private I don't like people knowing what's happening. So that's why this is actually like Wasn't so sure I wanted to do this. Okay. Well, I'm happy you did this So coming back to your your support person. She was tough love. Yeah, very tough The benefit of that tough love was Was that I didn't put up with nonsense. Ah, you didn't put up with nonsense and not only that, okay I lived in Chicago and lived downtown and The you know, it's not funny, but it is that the people in the same age bracket They've all kind of dated each other So I arrive in Chicago and they're all telling me you don't want that and you don't want that and you don't want that and so it was Yeah, I think the same thing happens in Los Angeles and a lot of big metropolitan areas or even small towns, you know I I feels like this most well, it feels like there's no new crop of people Although that is not the truth. There's always someone new entering the dating marketplace It just seems like the people who struggle in relationship are what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results I have to say this it was one that it was during covid And so we met at a park so we could social distance because you know what was going on and so I asked my friend Because she's like i'm gonna go to the store. Oh on the way back, you know Find me so you can meet this guy. Okay, so she finds the guy or finds me And then you know the guy leaves and you know We go upstairs and she says to me He dated so-and-so and i'm gonna tell you what his issue is It's this is this is this and i'm like, you know what? I'm gonna give the guy the benefit of the doubt he was nice and and One phone call later. I realized the guy was exactly what she said he was Do you remember we were talking the other day about Dating apps and dating sites should have like a yelp review. Oh, yeah We were just talking about that now. I I'm kind of for it But i'm against it too because if you have someone who's a real Please forgive my language and that job could write or a lot You know people who have real issues can write some negative things about a person that was unwarranted For a restaurant. Okay, but all right, but here's the thing if I saw 25 men who had gone out with you and reviewed you I'd probably be less likely because wow, she's gone out with 25 50 100 man if you had hundreds of reviews I would think but they would say oh, she's such a nice girl The thing is though What we're really getting at back to your friend who knew about these these men Was we're meeting total strangers these days and it'd be ideally it'd be great if we could go back to a A period of time where you were introduced by people that actually knew one another You know and so while i'm still a proponent of online dating You know because that's how you and I met I still believe that Working your network of friends working your community is as equally as important as putting yourself out on the dating sites But ultimately coming back to situationships and then we're going to take questions a moment ladies I want to encourage this if you want to shift the energy It is not your job to convince someone to like you It's not your job to convince someone to want to be in relationship with you It is your job or my invitation you take this job is that you start with radical honesty That means speaking from the heart about what you truly desire laying your cards on the table And if you're going to have regular sex with a man Establish your standards, which what I call is rules of engagement I did it with you and in addition we did the dating vows and by the way folks um I remember when I did the dating vows with you. Okay, I'm going to read it with everyone, but this is my invitation for you all The date it says here Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment the dating vow Is an agreement between two people to say the following to each other I'm going to say it to you I jonathan agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months And you would say the same thing You don't have to say it happened two weeks later. Okay. Now. Do you want to read the next one? No, okay You can't read it. Okay. I Marie or I jonathan agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree to act not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process Including taking down my dating profile. I agree um I agree to speak up if there's something isn't working versus ghosting disappearing or Pulling back and lastly. I agree to invest regular time in this relationship This is what I want to encourage people to do is to have these conversations sooner rather than later You're gonna not a lot a lot of guys are going to be okay with that. Okay, however The right guy If a guy genuinely likes you Yeah, I think if you would use this with some of the men they would have absolutely agreed to it Well, I know I met a lot of nice men. Okay, they would have agreed to it because What this does though is establishes conversations Okay, well, I see I never I never really got to that.  That's my invitation for everyone So you don't find yourself in a situation ship Which is merely just a casual relationship or as I say these days dating is just a long strung out version of friends with benefits All right with that said we're going to take questions now If you're familiar with my format if you have a question Write the word question in the chat box or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the monies from the super sticker super chat or super. Thanks goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley. That's a picture of him right there That's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight institute in fact today We made a 250 dollar donation to the Hoffman process based on a very generous donation to the scholarship fund of 150 dollars the other day So anyways, let's take our questions. In fact, we have a super sticker from stacy Question, how do we get men to open up emotionally in a real way? How long do you give him to do so? Especially men that are fearful of being vulnerable.  I don't think there's a timeline I think it's if you If you really want to explore a relationship with him and he feels the same then Then he's gonna have to you know dig deep for me. That's how it was Okay, so my feeling is since women are no longer dependent upon men in the same way it used to be 50 of years ago Relationships are no longer about the financial needs or the the provider protector needs So to me relationships today are all about connecting at an intimate level And either you do it right from the beginning or early on Or it's not worth investing in my mind. I mean In our dynamic it started with with really opening up emotionally being vulnerable being authentic being transparent from literally The first visit that you came to see me so I don't believe in establishing first off, I don't believe in having regular sex without emotional intimacy If you're going to engage in sex then emotional intimacy is it should be as equal to the physical intimacy Well emotional intimacy is what makes sex great Ah, we were talking about that earlier, right? If there's no emotion in it, it's just it's just a sport It's just a jacket. It's orgasming. Well, I mean some people don't even get that benefit but but for For a relationship to really thrive I think it requires emotional intimacy and that starts by coming back to your question you ask how long should you wait Well, really the question is are you going to establish emotional intimacy from the very beginning? In fact, if you're not familiar with the book I highly recommend everyone checking out this book emotional intimacy by robert masters So you can actually know what emotional intimacy is I think a lot of women and men don't know what it Is to actually be vulnerable with another person and maybe reading these books or by the way you can google Or excuse me go to youtube type in emotional intimacy by robert masters There's probably a great video you can watch on it. So that's my recommendation in that case I think a lot of men Are still boys They they didn't have Fathers that showed emotion They so You know, I think it's it's hard for men in our Well, men are taught to stuff their feelings were taught to stuff our emotions. We're actually taught Violence is a sign of masculinity. This is why toxic masculinity is being discussed so much because for us baby boomers and gen Xers Being tough on the football field being rugged, you know, hurting your opponent. That was masculinity And so we weren't taught this and what happens is as men age as men's Testosterone levels begin to drop their estrogen levels increase and all of a sudden we're faced with our emotions Or I was I was married to someone that I had a really difficult time When he would say things to the kids like, you know, real men don't cry And it's like bullshit. He's hurting.  You know what a lot of men do They avoid them Or they start dumping their problems on the next person they meet believing they're healing themselves Bonding through trauma. We've talked about that before Okay. Anyway, I hope that answered your question stacey. Thank you so much. All right. I saw a question from wanda in here She already posted that. Let's see what else we have here. Here's a question from wanda Question no matter how good you are To someone or do for them. You will not be the right person for the wrong one. Does that sound right marie? Absolutely Absolutely, and I've seen it in friends that this a guy is totally wrong from that for them and We you know we we talk about it and it's like who's going to talk to her Well, she's not going to listen because she thinks that she's going to fix this guy And she's you know waste Six seven years Do you think it's about fixing or hoping that if I show him how much I love him He will want me I think it's more the more I do Um, he might see my value. Mm the more I do he might see my value. Yeah So, um, have you ever been in that situation? Kind of okay early it might you know early on I was a kid when I got married So in my significant relationship after my divorce I put this person up on a pedestal And I was exactly that way. I felt like them if I did more She will love me. She will want me more And I realized that it was an imbalance in the relationship when the relationship feels imbalance or more importantly you feel off Um when it feels off It's a misaligned relationship This is why I'm I'm encouraging everyone to start from emotional intimacy very early on Because I think we've been so ingrained that physical intimacy is the is the Indicator of relationship success. No, no That's just why no, but I think that's how we've been conditioned Well, but but now okay remember we were talking about this Knowing what you know now how many things would you have done differently before in your life? You know what? I Fortunately or unfortunately. I got married very young. So I didn't have a lot of experience so then married 25 years to the same person I put up with a lot of things that Person I am today would not put up with it But at the time I didn't know that Didn't know any difference. Yeah, we didn't know any better and this is why I have this channel to teach people to know better All right. Thank you for your question. Wanda Ah, Nicole says Marie looks stunning. Oh, thank you. That's very sweet of her Uh, wait Elena says Marie. I love that you agree to do the lives of Jonathan loving your perspective on the topics Thank you so much. Sherry says definitely on the Yelp reviews. I agree Oh, I agree. I think if you could go on a dating app and see somebody's reviews You you know, you could decide. Okay. He might be good-looking, but he's got one star Next, okay. We were watching that black mirror episode about Yeah, that's over the top. No, but that's kind of a same illustration. It's a black mirror life in general Not just about guys first episode fourth series. It's called nosedive where basically everybody is liking It's like your own social media You it's like your own individual Yelp Everybody has their phone and if you go to the store and you're nice to the cashier They can um, they can kind of like with the uber driver. You can even get zero stars or five stars Well, but that I mean could you imagine if that's what we turn into if we start doing this But your credit score your credit you won't get alone if you're if you're not at least a 4.5 Yeah, you have to be a 4.5. And so anyway All right, let's keep going I love richard gear and pretty woman. That was fun. By the way folks just out of fun We decided to watch pretty woman. I gotta tell you julia roberts and that they had great Chemistry was adorable. Yeah, she was adorable.   I don't know how you teach that I don't know how you teach that I'm glad I learned that along the way You do a great job, but I did, you know, it didn't come easy There were times when I you know, I felt like I was a doormat and I was allowing it to happen And I think when I decided to end that is when I just Got my power back. So I'm going to post something talk about naked divorce naked discovery naked divorce so naked divorce is A program and it's available online or she will do workshops in different places and I decided to go there because I just felt like I needed I needed healing I wasn't good for anybody else when I couldn't even keep it together for myself Because I was in so much emotional pain. So, um Contacted Adele Theron and she She you know, I talked to her well, maybe a half hour I don't remember because she she'll do a clarity call And I told her what my situation was and I wanted to know what the program is something that would Would work for me and she goes. Oh, you're the perfect candidate. And boy, it was awesome So really quickly to give you back story After her significant relationship ended after her divorce her relationship after her divorce She was in a significant relationship and it ended and you felt Lost you felt in pain you felt betrayed you felt all this worry and anxiety And when you I mean is that fair to say it's fair to say because you know I had been married 25 years and I immediately met this person and I thought that this was just going to be That I mean he was it was a great guy. There were there were other issues But when it ended it was very painful. My my father had just passed away I had to deal with my mom with dementia. So I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil and but I needed to get I needed to get health and the naked divorce So I put a link in the chat box and I'll put there's a link in the description Ask for a deltarone mention mention both our names say johnny and marie sent you jonathan and marie sent you I highly recommend checking it out because healing before putting yourself out there pays dividends in ways you can't imagine And now, you know, we we did a zoom call with her and after all these years, you know, you're thinking Okay, I'm gonna have to refresh her memory who I am and she No, marie. I know exactly what she even met the guy she even knew the guy's name So um, but no it was and you go through You really do have to work hard and you really have to dig deep and you're doing You're doing processes and it anyway, it's worth it. It's worth it Okay, here's a personal question for you marie Marie, how is your shoulder? Oh my shoulder Well, I'm going three times a week to this new doctor that's doing some deep tissue therapy on it to I'm trying to avoid surgery And it seems to be working, but thank you for asking. Thank you. Cassandra writes question Does regular sex together really need to be part of the dating vows? Okay, this is someone else asked about that So let me I want to share why I said this so so in the dating vows. I'm just going to read this for everyone it says I agree to be monogamous sexually while we are having regular sex together. So here's my thought for putting that out If you have sex with someone one night and never see them again Do you need monogamy with that person? No, okay Because you're never going to see them again if you're going to have sex the second time And a third time and a fourth time in a fifth time. That's regular sex. That's where the agreement See, I think it's hard to get the agreement of monogamy before Sex, but you better expect it after you have sex and you're going to have regular sex Yeah, okay, so that's the reason why I have that in there. Cassandra Am I wrong to think that it that it's really creepy to be sleeping with different men? No, I don't I just don't men can do that and we can sleep with different women I don't Well, that's why the agreement of exclusivity the agreement to be by the way, let's differentiate Monogamy is the agreement not to have sex with other people Exclusivity is the agreement not to actively date new people. I think some people are monogamous But they're not exclusive. They're still swiping. They're still swiping I think a lot of people might agree to monogamy with one another and yet they're still swiping I'm here to say you need both If you're going to have regular sex together. So Cassandra, thank you so much for that question elder rights question Just started seeing a guy who says he intends to move to france when he sells his house He has dangled the carrot of me going with them. Is he stringing me along? How do I approach this? Oh, what's your gut tell you on that one? My gut tells me That he's dangling the carrot just to keep you engaged Yeah, he says, um He sells his house. Is he so? Here's the thing. He's planning on selling his home. Okay Is this relate? Is this a relationship that comes with them to france like? Remember we were talking about that one couple where the the man says If you want to move to my city do it on your own Do it for yourself folks. Here's the deal If you're going to agree to explore a relationship together that leads to either moving in together getting married Okay, if that's what you're agreeing to exploring And this person says he's moving out of the country Then the question is am I part of that am I a part of that and if I am What does that look like for the two of us again?  Maybe the guy is just trying to feel it out but if he's already decided to move and You know, are are you part of the equation are you in the in a relationship? If you're not then you have to have that talk with them. So Is are are we in a relationship because then I might I might consider, you know, I always said I could move anywhere It didn't matter to me I would have considered someone but it had to be but even moving out of the country Like that's a big deal when you move that far from family and whatnot These are real deep conversations that should be discussed That's what my feeling is no as long as I could Come back frequently to see my kids and grandkids. I I was willing to move anywhere By the way, by the way, folks If you know that Marie moved here from Chicago and she has two children live in Chicago With her grandchildren and two children live here Part of our agreement was that, you know, creating space where she could go back to Chicago every six to eight weeks To spend time with her grandkids. These were conversations we had before we ever agreed to move in together So in this particular case if he's moving to france on his own women You're not part of that conversation Then it sounds to me You're either in a situation ship or a casual relationship And if you're in a situation or casual relationship and you're having regular sex together You have every right to find out where this relationship is going. All right. That's my two cents Rita asked question I've been doing online dating for a while, but most men seem to be there for fun Although they claim they want a relationship. What are the red and green flags to look for on dating profiles?  Oh, you know, I'm dating with a purpose and that's right and You know, yeah, it may have been a purpose, but not the purpose I was looking for So I think what the red flags to look for is negativity You know, I I would see women's profiles that say I wouldn't want I don't want to be with a cheater a liar A ghost or like every negative thing in the book I would read women post that and I you know to me that was forest gump run forest run If you're leading with negativity, that's the red flag Well, to me a green flag. Yeah, what's a well written profile? Grammatically correct. Grammatically correct. There's a difference between your and your Okay, so that was my thing and and this isn't seeking a compliment, but what in my profile caught your attention Um that basically our profiles really matched each other Yeah, you know, we wanted a deeply connected relation. Yeah, so I use those words But again as Marie just said some men can use those words as a way to Dangle the carrot, but they're not fully committed This is where before you become physically intimate with someone ask deeper questions Be radically honest lay your cards on the table a lot of them don't even know what it is They don't even know what it is. Well for the first night. Yeah for the first 10 years after my divorce I was I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex, but I Didn't even know what deeply connected meant I didn't even know what intimacy meant and I really didn't know what commitment meant because I was suffering the The unraveling of the tapestry of a previous life and a lot of men are clueless. They're winging it I wouldn't like to. No, you wouldn't have liked me. Would I have liked you? Of course All right Cassandra again says commitment Can there be commitment without regular sex for a period of time until both parties are comfortable with it? Absolutely. Yeah, you can be exclusively dating one another and Have some level of commitment remember I always I always encourage everyone to think about it in the form of trust Trust and commitment go hand in hand and trust is Can I count on this person? To care about my feelings as much as my own does this person have my best interest at heart You know today was it today? We were talking about You go to the grocery store You went to a grocery store the other day and while you were there you were thinking What you didn't ask me what I needed or what I wanted. You just thought you went down the aisle and go I know Jonathan likes this. I know he would want that and that's caring about someone else's interest when they're actually You know looking beyond the surface Right, and then I get a text about get them all the stuff Already on the card. It's already in the car. It was so funny. You asked me is there anything you need? And I said this this this and this and you go. I already have it in the card I already have in the car, but I did say one thing you didn't have yet. So anyway Thanks for that question. I appreciate it or D or D Says question when I'm ready because I'm only busy. I'll throw radical honesty to my crush best friend That's not a question, but I will say this Being busy is the number one reason why so many people don't connect with one another Comes back to where you're talking about love is blind What I love about the show Is you're in this incubator Where you're together for 10 days And you're literally having to do all the radical honesty all the laying the cards on the table Really vetting the person at least 10 days 10 days. Yeah, and then when you get engaged You have another week where you're on vacation with them So, you know, they always say you can't really know someone until you live with them or go on a trip with them You don't you don't even get to see what they look like until you're engaged Yeah, until you're engaged So what I like about it it forces the pressure cooker For people to really determine if they're a good fit for one another now.  Yeah The success of the couples. Yeah, however our current dating marketplace success rate is even worse than the tv show You know today's a monday night a thousand people go at what a hundred thousand people will go on a first date 99,999 people will never get a second date Yeah, that's where I'm just making up these numbers But my point is When you do it in an incubator, I think you have a greater chance for success You know that question that we got about the gal that you know, they're just dating and they're not having sex Yeah, um, I keep thinking about that because so I was raised to be a virgin till I got married So that was you know, that was You got married at 16, right?  And and so, you know kudos to you. I forgot Oh, I forgot it was or kudos to you for doing that. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's great and and Hopefully it'll work out for you. Yeah Okay, cc writes question What is your opinion on date coaches that will take over an online dating profile to get their client's dates? Do you do they really try to vet potential matches? So I'll address this so I do know some matchmakers and um dating coaches that will actually actually do that do all the work for the client Okay, they must charge a lot. Well, so here's the thing. Um I have mixed feelings about that. Let me just be clear first off Their writing style and their communicating style might be different than yours. Um However on some level, you know, we watch the indian matchmaker, which we like that show I like the idea of somebody doing the vetting for you Like I like that because there's this impartial person that may might not have the fear of asking the deeper questions via text messaging via emails I kind of like that idea if you're unable to do it for yourself. Okay, ideally though I what I teach in my private coaching is how you have for how you to become your own matchmaker Okay, it would be weird to me. Yeah, if somebody else contacted me on behalf of somebody That would be weird to me. No, I don't think they're telling that. I don't think they're telling the dating apps do not That's not no, I think they're doing it on behalf You don't know that it's you think you're actually talking to the person when somebody else is doing the The initial conversation Well, then I feel like I'm being due. Well, you that's if they're they tell you then I then I don't know if they have Good grammar Good point very good point. Okay. I like that one. You don't know if they actually have good grammar um Xi says nose dive is where the world is headed see documentary on pbs in china for this concept What Xi Xi Xi zed up is talking about is that is that? Netflix episode on black mirror called nose dive. Okay, let's keep going here Julie writes question I'm dating someone close to 40s like myself. He has never been married But has so many close female friends sometimes he shares with things shares with Things with them. He doesn't share with me. Shall I tolerate it? Well, how close are you? Like well, I'm assuming they're dating so I okay So I know of a male friend of mine who didn't get married till he was mid 40s, okay He ended up having kids in his late 40s. Okay um During his experiences he didn't commit to anyone, but he did accumulate female friends Yeah, kind of like you and bill a really good friend Who she can he could share stuff with I think the reason why that happens is they feel a level of trust with that person Versus a level of trust with you So I would say it's time to build like my best friend. We've been friends for 45 years And he's a male. Yeah, he's a guy and you know, my My first husband it took him a while to warm up to that but So but the point is you could tell him things you wouldn't tell someone you're just dating Right. Okay. I think it goes both ways. I think it's because until real deep trust is built that and just remember That person is a confidant to them. It doesn't make that a bad thing. In fact, I'm encouraging men and women to have Opposite sex friends, you know, I think that's a healthy thing to happen The problem is if you want to have sex with that person, I'm assuming you don't want to have sex with him And and and Marie knows I'm still very friendly to my ex-girlfriend who we actually will be seeing next weekend We stay at her house. Okay, but she's a dear friend. I don't have very many deep intimate conversations with her But because we've established our trust between the two of us. I think that's a healthy thing Versus an unhealthy, but if you did have a question that she could answer for you, you would call her About us. Well, maybe not about us. No, I might call her about that. I don't know. Maybe okay. Would you ask bill about me? Um, I have yeah, so this is where here's the thing when two people establish trust with one another Then you're not fearful that they have a friend of the opposite sex Okay, all right. Let's take one more question before we wrap up for today. Maybe one or two more question Which book would you say is the most important to read together with budding relationship and partner if you had to pick one to start with? Absolutely. Okay. What is it eight dates eight days right here folks Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. It goes without saying this is the most amazing book I think to it's a great conversation started to talk about the more important things in a relationship This lays it out for you. You don't have to think it does all the thinking for you Oh, by the way, and the next book you get is what the heck of self love anyway a journey of personal development self open spiritual work All the books I recommend is in the description below Including my book. All right. Great question there Uh, bum bum bum bum. Cheryl writes question Is it possible to have search so long for someone who wants a real relationship that when you find that you Underemphasize other wait under Emphasize other perhaps more superficial things like attractiveness I think what she's saying is Okay, what i'm thinking is if you've been You feel like you're so worn out because you've been in the dating process that you might Overlook things that you might have been more superficial about before Like within within the realms of looks So the what's the question? Well, I think the question is, you know Would you accept the the photo shot the non-photoshop version of a person? Ah, that's what I think she's saying You know, I think it depends from person to person there. I mean I've met some wonderful people that weren't that weren't my ideal looking type of person And yet I would have I gave them a chance because they were nice people and I thought okay, let's see And did it you later? Okay, but the point is will you find them more attractive as you get to know their heart? Oh, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Great question there. Cheryl Lindy writes question Man's profile says looking for long term went on eight dates, but he is still hung up on x Profile doesn't necessarily give the full picture. Would you agree? Well, he wants that relationship but what he wants is the person that's going to help him heal from the x's from the x and Well, I don't think he consciously thinks I'm going to date this person So I can do all my healing with you So I can go be a bright shiny penny with the someone else again Most men who aren't serious about commitment. They want companionship. They want connection.  Again, that's what I teach in my private coaching You know, or are they healed because if he's hung up on his x You know, he went on the dating app saying he wants a long term because he had been in a long term and he likes that being in being a unit and all that but If he's still hung up on the x, you know, you're just You're gonna be swimming against the current. Sorry I thought you were a little stung still hung up on your x Well, just because I talked about my life doesn't mean that it was hung up Well, I was just a question, you know, I mean I I had to but my point is part Maybe it's a blessing and a curse that I do this for a living Okay, but I was like, I wonder if she still is hung up But what you were doing is giving me intel information And that for a moment there, I thought maybe you are maybe you're not what I realized Again through deeper conversations through laying our cards on the table I realized she had healed from her past Because I wasn't afraid to ask you those questions. Yeah, and those I mean what happened In my life, I felt like I needed I needed to put it out there. Not everybody is like that. Not everybody talks about Excuse me. Not everyone talks about past relationships, but I only had two So it was you know, I wanted to put him out there. Look, this is What happened for the first for the first couple years after my significant relationship after my divorce The my relationship with you know, who share he is It took me a couple years to really get over that one.  I'd say it took two good years To really heal from a relationship where I'd given my power away that I was dependent. I was needy Anyway, all right. Thank you for your question Cc said thank you for answering her question. We appreciate that Robin says Jonathan, can you do a video on the opposite issue? Like when you feel the man is moving too fast So Well, I've done videos on that it's about love bombers So I've done several videos about people that move too fast are usually the love bombers They're the ones that exaggerate the relationship. They're often driven by lust and limerence So yes, I have done those videos. Just go to my channel to go find it Uh, let's see.  Here's my question to you prima Do you why do you care? Why do you care? Why do you care about someone else self love is again when we focus on the I'm going to answer the question I'm going to give you a chance to answer but my point is Ladies, I want to encourage you. Why would you care if he changes now? The question is are you in a relationship with a player? I would say that's not a good move That's not a good strategy on your part to be in relationship with a player But who cares what a player does what matters most is what do you do? Do you have any thoughts on that? Well, again, if you're waiting for the player to want to settle down And you you might be waiting your whole life because I Okay my friend He's a player He's a player now that he's gotten older and And has some significant well He's going for the younger girls He's never been married and I He's had some, you know long-term relationships, but he's never been married No, and it's because he doesn't well I mean he's got and we know some of his issues and whatnot, which I don't want to share publicly, but the point is a player Can change okay. I was a serial data for a period of time. I was never a player I was a serial data But it wasn't until I had a humbling event and I did a lot of inner work Before I could grow out of being a serial data to someone who I think I am today So for a player to change he needs a humbling event or a significant amount of inner work Or he most likely may not like you said die alone or have very few people in his gotta come from him You can't do a single thing about it Stay away. Okay. LA says read what she says Love when Marie is giving her opinions. Oh, thank you for that Uh, let's see if there's any other questions. I'm no expert. I don't pretend to be an expert But I could give my opinions on my life experience. Well, you know, it's interesting a lot of oh, I'm sorry No, I was done So a lot of people think I interrupt you It's just I know when you're done and I I want to keep the flow going And it's because of what you just said you don't this isn't what you do for a living now We talk all day long about my business and the clientele and the Experience not my clientele, but the comments I get and we talk about those things and Marie I got to say has some great perspective. I mean you have some really great insight You make me you help me think through things. Well, I'll tell you I'm having a lot of fun doing this But I like to to you know put out the disclaimer that I'm no expert I'm just giving you what my life experience is But I really love When we get messages of people that really feel like something that I had to say like little me had something to say That really helped them. So if if it helps just one person, I'm happy. Yeah Well, you've helped a lot. So all right. Here's a question from Pamela I'd like to know the definition of a player. I think I think a serial data is a player So I said I was a serial data. What what I meant by that was I was addicted to the initial first date high I was really for my this was right after my I know well, this was right after my divorce. I was lonely I wanted some attention. I wanted some connection and I was just going out on a lot of first dates Because I wasn't ready for I didn't realize I wasn't ready for a significant relationship But I didn't want to like lead someone on either. So I just I was addicted to that first second third date That's a serial data. I think there's a serial monogamous These are people that have relationships for a period of time And those end and then they're on to the next one the next one the next one A player is somebody that's working five or six women at the same time for sex and for his own benefit whereas I was I didn't realize I was addicted to the high But then I was afraid to do anything after that and I'd be back on the dating sites And I'd give that what's called the dysfunctional moonwalk how I ended everything was I would share how dysfunctional my life was So they'd say jonathan you need some time and then I'd be back on the dating apps again So I hope that answers your question. Pamela, you know, but some some guys are just Players they're just players or at the bars or at the they it's just they have a calendar Of well, I'm a through saturday girls. Okay. So yeah, we talked about that before so a serial I was I was so lonely and desperate for attention. That's why I was a serial data A player is actively only out for their own needs in a different way I didn't know I had this problem I think a player is aware that they're playing that they're just playing. Yeah, so that's my opinion on that Uh and prema says a player sleeps with many different women a serial data can just be a picky man I probably is what I was going through. Yeah, you know what? Uh, and this will be our last comment that we're going to share marie as marie's opinion is really insightful. I agree. Thank you Okay Okay, this will be our last one. Why are older guys looking for younger women mostly pure biology? So Yes, it's biology. They're I mean it was like watching pretty woman, you know, I mean richard gear is 17 years older than uh Julia roberton Okay, all right But I think to some degree a lot of men as they age feel like I'm not saying this is true Women are damaged. They're jaded. They're bitter. They're angry. They come with more baggage And I think men think they'll go the path of least resistance But believe me I have some friends who are with much younger women and those women are a big gigantic pain in the butt those younger women I'll agree to that one So just because they may will and first off just because a man may want it doesn't mean he'll actually get it I think just like women don't want to date older men As they get into their 50s and 60s because you don't want to become a nurse or a purse I think age discrimination is a real issue that we're faced with Um, well, I'll I'll make a confession when I was on the dating apps I I wanted somebody that was Either my age or a little bit younger And the reason was all the men that were my age Look like they been put through the ringer Like I I just wanted somebody that was More attractive. So are you a cougar being with me? Of course, we have to talk about the fact that I am one year older than okay And I only bring it up because everybody says I'm with a much younger woman because you look 20 years younger than me So that's why I bring it up. That's the colombiana. Okay Well, I agree All right, we're gonna end on this last note patricia says great podcast. Hello, marie Hello patricia Folks, we're gonna wrap up today. Did you find value in this conversation? I hope you did if you did please hit that like button Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and if you want some support check out the links below to a free discovery call with me To see if working with a coach is right for you my membership. There's a link to the naked divorce There's a link to joining our group here. There's even a link to joining my instagram And you can follow me there as well All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first. I'm giving you a big gigantic jonathan bearer hug Did I get one back? Thank you, sweetheart I think I appreciate you. Thanks everyone. I hope you found value tonight. Have a great evening. Be well. Bye now Oh, I'm gonna say good night to patricia and cc and prima and jennifer and mel and negative affirmations and zeta and lindy And I said prima la rachel andrea julie Robin cc lindy everyone's charo. Thank you so much. Have a fab evening. Bye now. Thank you. Good night. Good night now


Hello everyone, my name is Yobin Shen. Today I'm going to talk about our action clip paper, key-reduced variant of 3KM9 with beyond-burst-bound security. This is joint work with Fodina Cypria. 3KM9 is the three key CBC type mark that enhances the standardized integrated algorithm F9. This is also called 3GPP mark. It is a sequential mode without field multiplication and has beyond-burst-bound security and is expected to be a post-broke needed in constrained environment, that we instance with that we block cypher. The problem to reduce the number of key of 3KM9 is the 3GProperance. Two variants of 2KM9 and 1KM9 were proposed to reduce key size for efficiency. But recently, for the 1KM9, low-run at all has proposed their burst-bound attack by exploring the fixed function. For a 2KM9, subsequently, Shen at all also proposed one-carry attack and also a similar attack when the fixed function is added and saw this attack invaded that layer security pools. In this work, we revisit previous construction of key-reduced variant of 3KM9 as light and analyzable when known in security analysis. Interestingly, we find that a single doubling at the end cannot only fix 2KM9 to go beyond the burst-bound security but also have 1KM9 to go beyond the burst-bound security. Here is our proposal and 2KM9. We simply add a single doubling near the end. The single doubling can be achieved by one base shift and one conditional echo with some constant which can be very efficient. For one key version, here is the 1KM9. We also add a single doubling at the near the end. But here is an additional constraint that the mainstream space should be prefixed free as the original cb-smart. There is no query as a prefix of the other. This requires an approval but not a text currently. If we compare n2KM9 with an eMark, n2KM9 can provide a higher security guarantee with one additional block-several code and one doubling. The top part can be regarded as an eMark, let the last block is always zero. For n2KM9, the security bound is beyond the burst-bound security. This security bound can be improved for while the eMark, the security bound is only burst-bound and the bound is typed so there is no room to improve this bound. We will compare n1KF9 with the cb-smart. There you also provide a higher security guarantee with only one conditional block-several code and one doubling. Similarly, the top part can also be regarded as a cb-smart where the last block is always zero. The bound of n1KM9 is beyond the burst-bound security. This bound may be improved for while the bound for the cb-smart is only burst-bound. The bound is typed so there is no room to improve it further. As a conclusion, we propose a two-new key-reduced variant of n2KM9 with beyond burst-bound security. Compared to eMark and cb-smart, the additional codes to provide a higher security guarantee is expected to be minimal for n2KF9 and n1KF9. It only requires one additional block-several code and one doubling. Thanks.


In order for us to get crime right now to help us and help people not to be potential victims, we must work together to get that accomplished. And hopefully those who attend will leave with knowledge to help them be prepared and better guard against things happening and the likelihood of them being a victim of a crime.


You're a professor of international economics from China and a good observer of the geopolitical scene. There are obvious tensions now in the South China Sea over China's land reclamation, if I could put it that way, with various islands. What is the danger now between China and its neighbors and with the United States? The dispute issue is not new for a long time already, but this reclamation is new by China but not new for the other partners like Vietnam, Malaysia, Philippines, they all have their airports and expanding islands for a long time. So why make a big issue suddenly? I think the people worry about China's future intention, future influence, and especially for the United States. They worry about China's domination in the whole China Sea, but China has no intention to dominate. It is impossible to dominate such kind of a big area. So I call it China-U.S. strategic competition, U.S. try to show its influence, its role there and pretend to be a protector of the other countries' security. And what do you think the end result will be? The result I think, if you see the Navy commander who passed through the so-called 12-miles water territory, which China never claimed, and then next day he visited China, so call on the discussion and cooperation. And then next week we have a joint Navy, joint cooperation and exercise. So such I think tension there, risk there we have to manage, but on the other hand, as I said- They are manageable, though. It's not 100 percent that's making it sure to manageable, but we have to make all the efforts to be, to make it to be manageable. That's a wish for all the countries, including China and the United States. Do panels such as the one you are on, does WPC, does it have a role to play in managing these tensions? I don't think so. But WPC, I think of this current conference is very, the subject is very timing. That is global governance. We have emerging global economic issues, especially currently. We have terrorist threat for all of us. So this is why the UN Security Council just passed through the resolution to call on all these joint efforts. So I think WPC should play a more important, active role to address the issues, you know, for discussions of the global big issues which will have a common interest. Mr. Jiang, thank you very much. Yesheni.