All right, welcome everybody. I appreciate you joining us here today. We're gonna have a great talk with the FAA CISO So let me start by welcoming Larry Grossman to DEF CON in the aerospace village. I appreciate having you here Thanks. Thanks a lot Steve. It's a thrill to be here. I'm looking forward to the conversation Absolutely, and we appreciate your time. So for everybody We're going to dig into the government side of things particularly with the federal aviation administration talking with Larry about what the FAA's role is where cyber security is a part of that His role in supporting that overall mission and then his thoughts on The security research work and the things that he deals with so before we get rolling though Let me I will introduce myself also. I'm Steve Luzinski I'm the chairman of the nonprofit board that we have that's running the aerospace village and helping support these activities So again, I appreciate you all being here and joining us today, but those of you don't know Larry Grossman He is the federal aviation administration's director of the office of information security and privacy And the chief information security officer in these roles He provides strategic leadership of FAA's information security and privacy program And this isn't the only role he's been in at the FAA. He's been with FAA for 25 years And I think even more telling is being with the agency that long and as an aviation Enthusiast an avid enthusiast at that. He's a commercial pilot flight instructor certificates both air I'm sorry both land and sea and he travels in his own aircraft whenever he can so I'm very jealous of that So again, I appreciate you being here today, Larry Hearing about your background in both cyber security and the aviation side of things and joining us for this discussion So with that I want to jump into If you would I think, you know, we all think we know what the FAA does We think we know or we have a general idea, but not necessarily the details So I'd be interested in is getting your perspective on the FAA's mission and particularly in the cyber security side of things Sure, sure happy and I'm so I'm a I am the the official Chief Information Security Officer, but only for the last month. I was acting Chief Information Security Officer for the last two and a half years so they finally You know may made made an honest man of me, but So, you know the the FAA's Mission is is very simple. There's basically two pieces to it Safety and efficiency those that's that's the mission the mission of the FAA is the safely move aircraft through the national airspace system And and and to assure that they move as efficiently as possible So from a from a cyber security perspective, you know, there's there's certainly Countless areas that we have to be concerned about the FAA has you know, roughly 360 FISMA reportable systems that FISMA is Federal Information System Security Act It was put in place several years ago It it it'll let it requires us to inventory all of our systems to Perform compliance activities on all their systems. So we have a pretty big inventory You know for a moderate size a government agency You know, we have a fairly large number of systems within those systems We have probably 2,500 or so applications that run. So, you know, so it's a it's a fairly large inventory Certainly a large, you know, attack surface so to speak You know and and to keep all those systems secure, you know, historically FAA has Focused inward on those systems and we've we've looked at the FAA You know just on how we secure our systems and how we secure our services But the you know, the aviation ecosystem is much larger than the FAA specifically, right? There's the and and the FAA only has Yeah, a small piece of it, you know, we we do operate the national airspace system, you know It's critical infrastructure the United States and We move, you know hundreds of thousands of airplanes a day We're back, you know now that we're hopefully on the on the backside of COVID We're back to roughly 90 Something percent of pre-COVID number. So so people are traveling airplanes are moving and they're moving safely you know the The the efficiency piece really is is really where we where we get kind of wrapped around the axle at times You know, how do we keep planes moving of efficiently? And we do that through a number of systems that we have to keep secure and those systems are you know working with airlines working with other partners and Aircraft manufacturers, etc. So there's a kind of a lot of pieces that all work together Absolutely, no doubt there's a lot to deal with in that sense One of the things that comes to mind when I think about the FAA is the regulatory side of things and that's The hammer that comes down that has to impose a fine and punishment But I know from previous work that we've done with you all including last year Last year online with a virtual DEF CON where we had Folks from your engagement office who are externally focused How do you balance the the hammer regulator side of things that has to impose? When a problem happens, but also the need to engage the need to get folks to understand Vulnerability disclosure and addressing these problems. How do you deal with all of that? Well, you know and as a as a commercial pilot who who made his living for a little while as a commercial pilot I I did my best to avoid that hammer as well. So Yeah, so, you know the the The the top that we had last year at the village with our ACI partners You know that's kind of one of the areas that we've just fairly recently moved into and that is as I said earlier We've always focused inward But realizing that the ecosystem is much larger and what pieces of of that ecosystem does FAA own and operate? What pieces do we regulate and what pieces do we really have have either a shared and gate involvement with? like like with respect to airlines and airports and Some that we have just no involvement at all So we formed a team that was working with DHS and DOD The team became the aviation cyber initiative And and their focus really is to is around outreach and and you know around understanding how You know as example airlines are securing their system or or how Aircraft manufacturers are building in you know various components while we do Certify the components of the aircraft we do test the components of the aircraft. There are many pieces parts of pieces to that That you know that that the airlines. I mean that the aircraft manufacturers still in their own airports is another area that you know that FAA Has a really kind of a very interesting relationship with you know within the United States There's over 17,000 public use airports and they go every they you know kind of run everywhere from a grass strip You know in a field somewhere To Chicago O'Hare, you know in Atlanta hearts field and it kind of everything in between And you know we like to say that there's there's 17,000 airports in the u.s And there's 17,000 different airports because each one of those airports is Managed a little different is operated a little differently. Some are operated by airport authority. Some are operated by municipalities And you know some are private actually privately owned but but are allowed to be public use And and so how do we you know, how do we work with those airlines across the board? You know, so the answer the answer is around around outreach around better understanding how they You know how they're implementing cyber security And how we can kind of help them with respect to standards and you know kind of drive Better practices better cyber hygiene because it's really most of it's about around cyber hygiene Absolutely, so thank you. That's the you know when we have talked about and heard others talk about the complexity of the aviation and aerospace Ecosystem hearing 17,000 really hammers home that point. So that's That's not something I knew before so it's good to learn One thing I didn't You know understanding the FAA is overall mission but Also understanding what is your part of that and I didn't mention it before I ask you but I'm interested in hearing what was your path What motivated you to Do both avid pilot and joining the FAA they seem to go together very well But certainly some cyber security thrown in there on top of it. They they do Yes, you know, we all everyone has their their interesting paths to where they get places So I went to school for aviation I was a pilot by you know By training and I I didn't make it into the military. I I wore glasses. So that was the discriminator for me So, you know, I I started working as a pilot Back in the I guess the late 80s ish And and really realized that The path I was taking, you know, the late 80s there there was, you know, at Everything's about timing right life is about timing and and the timing where when I was Trying to get hired by, you know, regional aircraft. I was actually flying Flying checks for a while flying small cargo for a while, you know flying, you know You take off at, you know, one o'clock in the morning and you know It rain and snow and and land at four o'clock in the morning And and so it was really not a lot of fun. It was fun at first But, you know, after six months of that it started to be not a lot of fun In a little airplane by yourself, you know, you're kind of flying along and You know, and so I I had You know an aviation major and a computer science minor And and I found myself Getting hired Actually initially part time by a consulting company for the FAA here where I live in Atlantic City, New Jersey The the the FAA has a A second level support facility here where we support You know all of the air traffic control systems that are deployed Here and so I started working on air traffic control systems kind of part time And flying full time and then the kind of evolved to flying, you know Not quite so full time and working more full time and kind of slid myself over Into working on air traffic control systems You know as a programmer and then moving up as a designer developer then moving up as a Manager of of the the air traffic control systems And then and then 9 11 And you know and and like in october Of 2001 My boss at the time said, you know, we we need what do you know about cyber security eyes? I know enough not to get myself in trouble. That's about it Is it well i'm going to get you some training and we need to figure out how we're going to start securing The the air traffic control Systems we're going to we we don't understand a lot of how we're managing our air traffic control systems We need more we need more of our kind of administrative functions off of the air traffic control side And so I deployed a bunch of programs that that kind of improved our ability to to monitor the the the operational side To move a lot of those kind of administrative functions off of the operations and into our mission support environment You know and kind of one thing led to another and and and so I worked my way around for a while You know, I I worked in cyber for about seven years And then I got got out of cyber for a little bit and did some work for the f a administrator around around data distribution and around improving the way f a a Gives data out you f a gives tons and tons and tons of data We're one of the largest data distribution. You know, we just spew data out if you if anyone ever uses You know flight aware or or any of those applications the f a a outputs, you know Almost a a terabyte a day of data So there's a there's just a ton of data that that we give out But we were at the time We really weren't giving it out in a way that would spur innovation that would drive innovation and our f a administrator at the time Said, you know, they're You know, if we improve the way we're we're releasing data we will spur innovation They'll build better products for pilots to use and it will improve safety and and we'll move you know And so so we did that so I took kind of a break and then I came back into cyber again I missed it and so I came back to the cyber and so and so here here I am And and in no small role because you're dealing with not only the internal f a systems But from what we talked about before you're running the gammon of things that you have to deal with What are some what is the scope and scale of your responsibilities because I know it's extensive Yeah, we I mean we have a lot going on. Um, we have certainly we have our our security operations, you know Organization and and we run uh, we run our own sock. We we um, we're we're You know always moving to improve our stock capabilities um We uh, we have a a pretty big compliance shop compliances. Uh, as I mentioned before A fisma requirement and we we look at every system Um and service um, you know in in the f a a and make sure that you know, look at the At the NIST controls to make sure that their controls are implemented appropriately That's a huge effort with the number of systems we have We have a governance shop that um, that um, um, you know writes our policy We have a we have a pretty big policy, you know for security and privacy The policy, you know at it has grown because we've we've incorporated all of the NIST controls into our policy and and how We're going to implement those controls and and so um, so that's a kind of a big effort We do training we we have our security awareness and and and role-based training that we We conduct. Um, I run our privacy office um, we you know with all all of the um, the the privacy documentation that's required as well as any breach That may occur Um, we we respond to that Of course SIDS organization that's our our externally facing Um organization and and all the work we're doing around Um, you know, um cbm the continuous diagnostics and mitigation Um effort, um the new executive order Um that that's out You know our work with um with uh with a lot of our partners I work closely with um with other agencies Um and and departments. We have a a a lot of big efforts with do d, you know f a and do d share a lot of commonality with respect to um, um moving aircraft and and and etc Um, and um and that's it You know just that just a couple of things here and there So you mentioned before SIDS group and SID was with us last year and it was great to hear him Talk about that engagement and outreach and that's with our audience in particular So that's an area I wanted to dig into is uh the efforts that you all are making to connect with The security researcher community and so I'm interested in your thoughts of what's driving that and what is y'all's approach to improve those type of engagements Yeah, so what well, we're always looking to to uh improve our engagements with the research community We're we're actually we're doing it on our own with several initiatives that that um that SID is leading We have um a lot of engagements. We're engaged with the aviation ISAC very closely You know around which is kind of focused on aviation But also through mandate by dhs through Through um a directive Um 2001 that that really requires us to um to run a next You know a disclosure program that where we we invite researchers to um to look for vulnerabilities and look for them in a positive manner and report them to us and and so We have a pretty big effort right now ongoing we're we we started with with one um, you know externally facing site Now I think we're at four or five externally facing sites over the course of the the next I think I think 12 or 18 months Uh, I can't remember exactly which all of the externally facing sites at the FAA has and there's there are quite a few um, we'll be open for researchers to look for vulnerabilities and we're certainly we're certainly um Looking forward to that engagement. We've You know, it was funny the the first week we had one website up I think it went live on a friday and by monday We had like five reports, you know and and there were five different reports And you know and some of them were were not Valid but some of them were you know, hey, we found cross-site scripting here. We found you know, um You know, I forget what the other one was but you know, there are um, you know, it's certainly um, you know crowd sourcing Looking for vulnerabilities In a in a collaborative and productive way Is very important to us and and we know we can't find all the all the bugs and all the vulnerabilities So we certainly look forward to uh to folks helping us and the folks that are listed in here Absolutely. So two things came to mind. I know there's we're recording this ahead of time And there's going to be a live question and answer We'll both be on there while this is being recorded. I'm sure folks are going to ask What is that website address? What are all the website address? Sorry, I can't the public ones So I will get those from you when we get done recording and I'll have it ready because I know that's going to come up And that's great because we want to get that out there and share that We've done that before with scissor and their program And the other part of the work that you're talking about all the way back to def con 27 When we the aviation village that was the first time we were there And I know you were part of the behind the scenes with the canvass disclosure that was coordinated through scissor and rapid seven Uh and patrick kiley's search uh research that led to rolling that out at the time So we're very appreciative of that continued the cooperation and somebody like you that has definitely seen behind the behind the scenes What goes into all of it to making that happen? and I think experience with other types of disclosures in the public Whether or not they were coordinated or were just disclosed. So Uh, definitely good to see that experience Absolutely that you got to share for that. We uh, that was my first really my first, um The first work I we did with rapid seven and we've we've had other engagements with them as well So it was uh, it was a great engagement Yeah, you bet How about on the workforce side? I think the you know, the typical thing that you hear is we can't find the right people We can't get the right skills. You're competing with others, especially as a government agency What what are your thoughts on are you seeing the same problems or is faa doing something different to engage and attract Folks with those skills. Well, you know, you know what I like to say the um, the the unemployment rate for cyber security professionals Is is in the negative numbers, right? There's certainly not enough cyber folks to go around so um, we do Compete for the cyber security workforce Um, we and we do it pretty successfully too. I might add I think, you know We're we are a government agency. We but we do have um, you know, flexibilities for hiring that that have been offered to us through through opm of personal management Um, and um, you know, we we have a great mission We I think the mission of the faa is what you know is really what attracts folks to us and we we have Hads folks come from um You know from from a lot of our of our vendor community our contractor A workforce have moved over Um, they you know, some of them have even taken a pay cut to move over not not a lot I mean we could be pretty competitive salary-wise. Um, but we're we're certainly um Can be competitive and they they just love the mission are you know, there's nothing cooler than moving airplanes and and being involved in a system that is as critical to The the us and the global economy we work internationally extensively um And uh, you know down to the technical level of work that we're able to do and the you know, um The the the the high demand that we have for for workforce. So, you know, I think we're we're doing pretty well You know, we're we we do better better than a lot of of my peer uh, sissos that we talked about You know in in addition to the recent legislation I should add Required actually 2018 the fa the 2018 reauthorization act that gave faa its Its authority to to run we're we're a piece of the department of transportation, but we operate under our own authority um, and one of the uh Uh, one of the items on there was that we conduct a uh, we we engage with the national academy of science um to conduct a a study of the cyber security workforce on how to Of attract and retain Um, you know that cyber security workforce that we need because I think the I think congress recognized That um, you know, it's such a critical function. The fa is so critical to to our economy and to to safety of You know of everyone that Um, that that they asked us to do this and you know, the report was just released And so I will also have that the web address of that You know provide that to you too that folks can go read that and You know, it made I think we got 18 recommendations around um around workforce around, um Um, you know moving forward and and most of them were pretty positive. I mean, I believe that we have a A really good workforce, but it's certainly a workforce that is um um You know, it's it's it's an experience workforce and it's you know, a lot of folks Transitioned, you know cyber the cyber landscape is changing so rapidly now It's almost logarithmic changes And you know what what we would love to have Are you know those those next generation of cyber professionals that that want a really cool mission that want to come and make a difference in you know, um You know in the united states in in our security in the critical infrastructure of the united states, you know The fa is the only department Within the government that operates a piece of the critical infrastructure The kind of technologies that we're deploying now Um are really be exciting. I think for for uh for folks that want to get engaged Yeah, you bet.  Absolutely All right, so my last question before we wrap things up here. What Is your biggest concern? What keeps you up at night as the fa scissor looking at internal issues external issues across the breadth And all of that complex ecosystem that we talked about well Um, steve, you were you were siso Fairly recently, you know, if you if you got any sleep when you were a siso you're not doing your job, right? We you give up as part of the job requirements. You don't sleep No, I I think you know We we do there's a lot of things that that um, you know, and I mentioned I mentioned some of them I mentioned the you know, certainly the sophistication of the adversary that we're facing Um has really changed, you know solar winds kind of showed that right solar with the solar winds compromise Showed us all that that these folks um are, you know, um a state sponsor Highly sophisticated highly motivated Can live off the land very easily Go undetected, you know, when you say well, what are the iocs? Well, there are no iocs, right? There's no there You know, but but you but you have compromise and and so You know that that certainly is uh is worrisome to us um the um, you know the fact that we wait we went um almost overnight from uh from average of about 4 000 employees of 45 000 teleworking to 35 000 Teleworking, you know, you know, it's kind of a snap of a finger Um, and it required us to to make some pretty significant changes in how we monitor and secure endpoints Um, you know, how we monitor and secure our systems Um, you know, and you know, we we give all of our employees a a workstation a government issued workstation They they put it on their kitchen table. They work from you know, nine to five and then You know six thirty seven o'clock to like well, here's a computer sitting here I i'm gonna go order some stuff off of uh, you know Target online or i've got to go i want to go watch a movie or i want to go So we've really had a lockdown the workstations. We've locked down all um the the um The services that folks can run, you know, and it's that it's that balance of Of securing the the um, you know, our our equipment our systems our services And user convenience and you know user performance and and I think the last thing that keeps me up at night Well, the last the the last of the top three that keep me up at night Um or you know, the f a a used to own the entire airspace We used to own all the systems and all the services and really we're moving more to Getting a lot of services now. So it's really not a factor of us securing our systems and services It's also securing the system and services that we acquire from our partners And and and how do they secure their systems and services and then how do those folks control? So it's kind of a long road Um, and you know, and that's kind of where sids ecosystem work comes in Um, you know, it's where the work that we do with the other lines of business and staff offices within the f a a so So those are I guess the top three Just just the top three which is plenty enough. Uh, and I know there's lots more so Well, Larry, I really appreciate the time. Uh, I have no doubt our audience, uh, you know, lots of questions coming in I'm sure as we've been talking here and plenty more. So thank you for That's great insight things that again, I thought I had some familiarity with the f a a but learning The full scope and scale of what you all are doing what you personally are doing and again taking time out to share that With our audience. Uh, we're very appreciative of that. So With that, I'll say thank you to everybody who joined us today and we look forward if you're on site to Talking with us in the village Keep an eye out on our website for future events from the aerospace village. So thank you everybody Thanks a lot for having me Steve You bet


The Appalachian Wireless Holiday Sale is going on now. Till the end of the year, visit us in-store or reserve online for an unbelievable sale on the hottest devices. We know what you want for the holidays because we are you. We are Appalachian Wireless. On Saturday, December 17th, the Paintsville Johnson County Chamber of Commerce is hosting a Jingle Bell Rock 5K. Anyone who participates will be given a shirt and winners will earn trophies. There will also be prize drawings for those who bring donations for hands and feet ministry. This will be our inaugural Jingle Bell Rock 5K. It's a Christmas 5K run walk. It will take place on Saturday, December 17th at 3.30 p.m. This will be up at the Mountain Home Place Farm. There's also a fantastic Christmas festival going on there right now. So it will kind of tie in as another activity up at the Christmas festival. Net proceeds will also be shared with the ministry. For those who don't want to run, there will also be food trucks, vendors, crafts for kids, and more. We've had a couple of other 5Ks, but they have been the run for fun, if you are run for fun, that benefits the Johnson County Animal Shelter. So this is our first time doing a Christmas run, and this time the net proceeds will be shared with hands and feet ministry. There's ice skating, free movies, story time for the kids, crafts for the kids, food trucks, vendors, just so much going on up there, and fantastic lights. It's actually so festive and beautiful up on the hill, and we hope folks will turn out and check it out, but come to the race, it'll be a great time for a good cause. Reporting for Mountain Top News, I'm Nick Colum.


Stories and content in Weird Darkness can be disturbing for some listeners and is intended for mature audiences only. Parental discretion is strongly advised. Welcome Weirdos, I'm Darren Marlar and this is Weird Darkness. Here you'll find stories of the paranormal, supernatural, legends, lore, the strange and bizarre, crime, conspiracy, mysterious, macabre, unsolved and unexplained. Coming up in this episode it's Thriller Thursday and in this episode I have four stories to share with you. The first three are all from Weirdo family members. John-locked dancer brings the original short story, I'm a free batch shipper. Cole Smallwood sent me his creepy tale called the Beastly Dog Pack and John Parish submitted his fiction story The Neighbor and later it's a longer creepypasta from author Stephanie Schism called To Keep A Promise. If you're new here welcome to the show. While you're listening be sure to check out WeirdDarkness.com for merchandise, to visit sponsors you hear about during the show, sign up for my newsletter and her contests. Connect with me on social media. Plus you can visit the Hope in the Darkness page if you're struggling with depression or dark thoughts. You can find all of that and more at WeirdDarkness.com.  I'm a free batch shipper by John-locked dancer. I've started shipping people. Now, not in the way you might think, I'm not putting people in boxes and shipping them overseas or something like that. That would be absurd. Now, I mean shipping as in wanting two or more characters or as in my case real people to be together. Like really, really wanting it. You might write fan fiction about those people who may or may not be your one true pairing or OTP. You might even have more than one OTP-S as ironically as that might sound. Oh, you've never heard about fan fiction? Well, Google exists for a reason. Anyway, I ship Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, aka FreeBatch. I know what you're going to think, but those two are married and absolutely not with each other. I'm totally aware. I've done my research, you see. First of all, I've heard that Martin Freeman and Amanda Abington divorced some time ago. Just Google Martin Freeman Wife Divorce. Second, if you Google Benedict Cumberbatch Wife Divorce, you'll be able to read that said man and Sophie Hunter have divorced. It's like a sign. Yeah, I know. You're probably thinking, you know, you can't trust everything you read on the internet, right? Yes, of course I know that.  So to be on the safe side, I've come up with a plan. I'm going to get rid of Amanda Abington and Sophie Hunter. So here we go again. I know what you're probably thinking and no, I'm not a murderer. As I stated before, I'm a shipper, and I'm going to make sure that my OTP will end up together. The Beasley Dog Pack by Cole Smallwood. When I was about 12, I was living at my huge farmhouse. I loved that house and soon grew up in it, but there was one time that I remember. That was the scariest time I ever had when I lived there. It happened about two months after my birthday when I went exploring deep into the woods, where there was no just easy way out of it. You'd have to retrace your steps to be able to leave. It was starting to get later after a while of exploring and it was just about dusk, which meant the sun was going down and I knew I needed to start heading back. Just as I did, a smell hit me, not like a normal smell. It made my eyes water and made me gag. It was weird, but I just thought it was a skunk or a dead animal. It didn't matter though, I just had to get home before dark. I was getting closer to my house when I heard it, a loud, distinctive howl. Still, not a big deal, there were a lot of dogs around my house. I just kept on going toward my house. There was something. It seemed to get closer and then I started to get scared when I realized it was circling me. Actually, it was worse than I thought because it started to close in for the kill. By this time it was almost fully dark and now I knew I was being hunted and I needed to hurry and ran through the brush, but then through the brush I could see a black figure and then there were three and then there were four, just like they were stalking me and were waiting for me. While one would lure me in for dinner, but I was so scared I just stood in fear and stared for a good minute or two and then snapped back to reality. I saw a clearing and ran for it and made it back to the house and tried to forget everything and I never went back into those woods again. I don't know what I saw that night in the woods, but it was no ordinary pack of dogs or wolves. The Neighbor by John Parrish One day, a little boy was out playing in his backyard. As he was playing he saw his neighbor, quiet, gentle elderly man watering his lawn. Being the curious boy he was, he went over to the fence, watching him water the lawn and a few minutes later the old man saw the little boy standing at the fence, watching him. He asked the boy what he was doing. A little boy who was around age five said, I'm just watching you water your yard. The old man looked and went back to doing what he was doing. The little boy saw something out of the ordinary. The old man was watering only part of his yard. The little boy asked, why are you just watering that part of the yard and not the other? The old man says, I water that part. He pointed towards the grass this morning. Now I'm watering this part this afternoon. The little boy, with his curiosity satisfied, went back to playing. A few minutes later the little boy's mother called him into the house for lunch. The little boy told his mother about the old man watering his yard. She smiled and said, older people have things like that to do all the time when they retire from working. The little boy smiled and ate his lunch. When he got done, he asked if he could go back outside to play. His mother said yes, but she told him not to bother the man too much. The little boy said okay and went outside. As he was playing, he saw the old man planting flowers out where he had watered his yard. The little boy again, being curious, walked over to the fence and watched him plant flowers. The old man saw him watching and asked if his mother liked flowers. The little boy, not knowing what to say, said, I think so. The old man said, if you would ask her, I can give her some flowers for her to plant, if she'd like. The little boy said, I'll ask her. Well, this went on for a couple of days and the little boy and the old man started talking more and more about things he liked doing. The little boy told him and talked more. Some time went by and the old man started asking the little boy strange questions, which the little boy didn't understand. He told the old man he didn't know what he was asking him, so the conversation stopped and the little boy went back to playing. When nighttime came, the little boy was in his room about to go to sleep when he heard a noise outside. He got up out of bed to see what the noise was. It was the old man standing at the fence, looking up at the little boy. It scared him so much he called out to his mother and father and they came in and asked what was wrong. He told them the old man was at the fence looking at him. He told them he'd heard a noise and got up to look. They told him not to worry and said to go back to bed. The next day, the little boy was outside playing when he saw the old man working in his yard again. The little boy hesitated going over to the fence this time. The old man looked at him and smiled. The little boy kind of smiled back and went back to playing. That night, while the little boy was in bed, he heard another noise outside. He got up and looked out the window. He saw the old man looked like he was planting a tree. He kept watching until the old man looked up and saw him watching. The little boy quickly laid back down in bed. For a time, he couldn't go to sleep, but then finally did. The next morning, he told his parents about what he'd seen the last night. They said some people do strange things which no one could explain but they still do it. After the little boy ate breakfast, he asked if he could go outside to play. His mother said, Not now, honey. We have to go to the store. They got into the car and went shopping. They arrived, went inside. The little boy was walking with his mother when he saw the old man. The old man waved, but the little boy did not wave back. The old man kind of scared the little boy now. As they were leaving, the old man went up to them and started talking to the mother, telling her what a wonderful little boy she had. The mother said, Yes, he is a good boy, but sometimes he can be a handful. They talked for a short time and went their separate ways. They got back home and things seemed to go back to normal. The little boy outside playing, the old man doing his daily chores. Nighttime comes around again and the little boy is in bed. Almost asleep, he hears another noise outside, so he gets up to investigate. This time he sees the old man has large plastic bags and a shovel. The old man was digging a rather deep hole this time and placed the plastic bag in the hole and covered it up. The little boy, now being more curious, keeps watching.  All night, the little boy stayed awake, thinking about what he had seen. That day, the little boy was outside playing when he saw the old man planting trees where the holes were. The little boy went up to the fence, not as far as before, and says to him, I saw you last night, digging holes and putting plastic bags in the ground. The old man looked strangely and tried to come up with an answer. He finally said, I put the bags in first so as to not have weeds growing where I'm planting the trees. The little boy, not knowing what he meant, went back to playing. That night, while the little boy was in bed, he heard a strange scratching at his window. Not knowing what it was, he opened the blinds a bit and there before him was the old man, grinning an evil grin. The little boy, so scared, slammed the blinds down and started screaming for his parents. They rushed in and asked what was wrong. Still crying, he told them he saw the old man at his window just staring and smiling at him. He said he must have been dreaming and it didn't really happen. He told them it did. They didn't believe him. He kept telling them what he saw, but still they didn't believe him. The next day, the little boy was out playing and the old man came out. The little boy, not saying anything at first, the old man just kept looking at him smiling and finally the little boy said, You scared me last night. The old man didn't say anything. It went back inside. Later on, the little boy and his parents were outside doing family time when the mother said to the father, Do you smell something? The father stopped and took a sniff of the air. He said, It smells weird like something is rotting. It went back in after a while and later on, the dog had wandered into the old man's yard and started digging around where the trees were.  The little boy yelled for his mother and she came out. She asked what was wrong and he pointed to the dog that had something in its mouth now. She thought it was just a stake bone and told him not to worry. A short time later, police went to the old man's house. The mother came out and saw what was going on and she asked the detective what had happened.  We traced the bones to the old man's house. As they were talking, other people brought shovels and started digging. Later that evening, the parents were watching the news when the story about the old man came up. The news captured the man being let off in handcuffs. The story went on about how police found five bodies of children in plastic bags hidden in the ground. The parents went to the little boy's room and told him what they saw in the news. They said that they should have believed him from the start. They told him the old man had killed five children and buried their bodies in his yard. They said the night the old man came to his window, he was thinking about doing the same thing to him. The little boy started crying. As he did so, he said, he seemed to be a nice man, but I guess he wasn't. Up next on Weird Darkness, it's the creepypasta story to keep a promise by Stephanie Schism. Remember staying up late on a Friday or Saturday night either at home or at a friend's house and watching your local TV stations' horror host presenting a terrible B movie with aliens, monsters, ghosts, alien monster ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and all other kinds of crazy creepy characters? Those were fun nights, weren't they? That's what the Weirdo Watch Party page at WeirdDarkness.com has to offer. All day, every day. Thanks to our friends at the Monster Channel, you can visit WeirdDarkness.com slash Watch Party right after listening to this episode and immediately be entertained by a horror host and horrible movie. Or should I say, horror-a-bull movie. And not only can you watch the B movies and horror hosts streaming there 24-7, but once a month, we all gather together to watch a movie and talk about it in the chatroom on that same page. Get your frights and funnies on the Weirdo Watch Party page at WeirdDarkness.com Before I begin this last story, it's probably best to tell you that it's from a female perspective.  It's a female telling the story, so keep that in mind and it won't confuse you quite as much. Here's To Keep A Promise by Stephanie Schism. The anniversary of Lane's death wasn't for another three days, but when Cochise came on the radio as I approached that curve, I took it as a sign. Lane's favorite song. I pressed the gas and shifted gears as Chris Cornell began to wail. The needle on the odometer crept up. 40 45 50 The yellow posted warning sign screamed at me, but still I accelerated. The night Lane died, the cops estimated that his friend Jimmy had tried to take this curve, doing 65.  I hated him. Heated his faux hippie parents who changed the flowers around the roadside crosses with the seasons. Like Jimmy and Lane and those other kids gave a crap if it was Christmas or Easter anymore. But the Hendricks did it anyway. Now the crosses were decorated with bright orange leaves for fall. I saw them appear just as I entered the curve doing 67 mph. The rare of my beat-up civic began to slip, but I gripped the wheel and held onto it, taking the outside. I kept my gaze focused ahead of the slide, knowing better than to fix on stationary objects. Too late to hit the brakes, instead, I eased off the gas and turned into the spin at the apex of the turn. My car gave a shimming and a weird bobble. For one, heart-stopping moment, I thought this would be the one that got me. But the civic held on, even on tires that desperately needed replacing. When I accelerated at the end of the turn and whipped onto the straightaway again, I realized the breath I was holding and pulled to the side of the road. I walked back to the place where the four white crosses waited and stared at the name on the first one. And then I ripped the leaves from it. Jimmy Hendricks. They hadn't even spelled his name right. They hadn't taught him how to spell his name, and they hadn't taught him how to make a curve. I walked behind the crosses and lay on the ground beside a scarred oak tree, in the same spot that had once soaked up my brother's blood. I stared up at the September sky and said, You left me all alone. The night of the accident, my mother had called to say she'd be working late. Although I was only 14 months older than Lane, my mother had always left me in charge. As soon as I had told Lane, he started pestering me to go to the movies with Jimmy. I usually let him do what he wanted because Lane could talk to birds from the skies. But my mother's new boyfriend made me uncomfortable. He stood too close, stared too long. I'd cast a nervous glance at the living room. Hey, Lane said, Go to Sherry's till 9. I swear I'll be home by then. I won't leave you alone with him. I'd nodded and he'd grinned. I had not smiled back. He'd made me look at him. I promised Dad and I promised you I'll always protect you. I swear on my soul. I'll never leave you and I'll always have your back. So, 9 o'clock, okay? But that was a promise he hadn't been able to keep. When I'd rounded that curve a quarter after 9 that night, the EMTs were frantically working to save Lane and one of the other boys. I thought maybe they'd known Lane wouldn't make it to the hospital because they'd let me have a few precious seconds by his side. His green eyes had been dazed, unfocused.  He'd made a gurgling sound and turned his face toward me. Hold on, hold on! I'd begged. Don't you leave me. You promised you'd never leave me. He'd squeezed my hand and then they'd pulled me away. He'd died before they reached the hospital. If Lane had been driving, would he have made the curve? I thought the handling on the Hendricks Accord and my Civic probably wouldn't have been that much different and Lane had even more experience than I had on the dirt bike track. Unlike me, he hadn't quit when our father died. But that was just one more what-if and a towering pile of what-ifs that loomed in the sky and meant nothing at all. I pulled into my childhood driveway a few minutes later inside. Visits with my mother, never pleasant, grew excruciating around the anniversary of Lane's death. It hurt to see what this place had become, what my mother had become. Flower beds so meticulously tended when my father was alive were strangled out by weeds, framing a sagging, peeling white house with missing shingles. A rusted swing set still lingered beside the house, unused for over a decade. And the outside of this place wasn't half as desperate as the inside. I put the car in park, stepped out and adjusted the short skirt that was part of my work uniform before kicking a beer can and scowling at the tall grass. I barged in without knocking and followed the sound of the blaring television to the living room where my mother's boyfriend predictably occupied my father's old recliner.  Where's mom? I asked. And Darius turned his bloodshot eyes on me. He leered, his eyes traveling slowly up my body and then down again. Is that any way to greet me? Oh, my bad! Hey, Darius, you pervert! Where's my mother? He laughed and stood, lurching on his feet. For a moment I felt the same panic I had at 15, but my fingers fumbled in my pocket and closed around the knife I kept there. I forced myself to remain calm. I wasn't a helpless teenager anymore. Was at the cemetery, Darius said, then licked his lips. We got time to have a nice little visit. Come say hi to daddy. Stay away from me, I said. You got all this time.  Seems like the least you could do, says my mother pays all your bills. His eyes hardened.  Moving faster than I anticipated he could, he lunged at me. I had cracked against the drywall and he seized my chin, forcing me to look up at him. His breath smelled like beer and garlic, and I gagged. I hear you put out for everybody. It comes through that bar where you work. I'm getting jealous. He pressed his filthy stinking body against mine and tried to push up my skirt. But the knife was already in my hand. His eyes widened when he heard the click of the switchblade. I was sure Darius had bended enough barroom brawls to know what that sound meant. I pressed it against his crotch.  I smiled. It's big enough to get rid of some unsightly bulges. I keep her sharp. He released my chin and held up his hands. I let him back away. Tell your mother if she ain't back by dark, I'm locking her out. This isn't your house, I snapped. He shot me a baleful look and slumped back to the recliner. I gulped a breath of fresh air when I stepped outside. I'd left this place as soon as I graduated high school, and if not for the obligation I felt for my mother, I would never come back at all. The cemetery was visible from the driveway, just over the hillside, but I chose to drive. I could guess what shape my mother was in. I found Mama sprawled on the ground between my father's and Lane's graves, a half-empty bottle of Jack in her hands. Once Bella had been beautiful, as her name suggested, but those days were long gone. Her face was ravaged by alcohol, drugs, and grief. She looked up with bleary red eyes. It's time to go Mama, I said, and reached for her arm. She jerked away. I'm not ready to go yet. It's getting dark and I need to get to work. Go then, she muttered. I need to make sure you're home and that you have your medicine. You want it, right? Of course she did. Mama liked her medicine, almost as much as her alcohol. After a near overdose last month, I had taken her pills and dispensed them to her on a weekly basis. It really needed to be on a daily basis, but I couldn't stand the thought of making the trip every day. I suspected Mama went through a week's supply in a couple of days, but was also pretty sure it would take more than that to kill her. Mama allowed me to help her up. She kissed her fingertips and placed them on my father's tombstone, then on Lane's. It was your fault, she told me. I wrapped my arm around my mother's waist, taking on most of the small woman's weight. I heard comments like that so many times they barely stung anymore. I figured Lane was better off wherever he was because surely this was hell. I was almost jealous of him. I didn't put much stock in the afterlife, and the thought of just nothingness sounded pretty good to me. We didn't talk on the way back to my mother's house. No use telling her about Darius. Mama hadn't cared when I told her about him seven years ago and she wouldn't care now. Another wound that barely stung anymore. I helped her to the front door, gave her the little box labeled with the days of the week and left.  I was nearly 10 minutes late when I pulled up to Charlie's bar. Half the sign had shorted out, so it simply read Char Bar, which was an apt name for anything that came out of that kitchen. That's what the locals called it. Charlie hated it, so I called it that too. I straightened my skirt, flipped and tussled my hair, and then undid an extra couple of buttons on my shirt. I was a damn good waitress, but I wasn't naive enough to think that that's why I got the best tips. When you leave home at 17, you learn to play the game to survive. Rody looked up from the bar when I walked in and gave me one of his perfect dazzling smiles. He was a college kid making a little extra cash while he finished up a school year. Maybe not as spoiled as most of the ones who came through, he actually worked, but a rich boy just the same. He'd be gone before the ink dried on his diploma. The bar was a weird mix of college kids, locals, and stragglers off Interstate 24. They segregated themselves in odd little clumps. I edged past a rowdy group of bikers and headed toward the bar. Rody placed a bag of lemons on the bar and said loudly, thanks for picking these up. Sorry I made you late. No problem, I said, taking his cue. Charlie came around the corner. He looked at me, the bag of lemons, and finally, Brody. Tell Jacobs if he can't get the order right, I'll take my business elsewhere. Brody tapped a salute off his forehead and Charlie frowned, but he disappeared back to the kitchen without another word. Thanks, I said. He smiled again. He really was handsome. I liked the way his blue eyes crinkled in the corners when he grinned, but we were so different I wasn't even sure if we'd count as the same species. You got even tables. I already did their drinks. Two and eight have ordered. Six was still looking at the menu. He was always helping me. Every shift he stayed late to help me roll silverware and refill ketchup bottles, though that was not part of his duties. I'd never admit it, but sometimes the most fun I had all day was when we were cleaning up.  Sometimes we'd dance, even though he probably just wanted what every other guy who tried to talk to me wanted. At least he was nice about it. Unlike the biker at table three who was yelling to get my attention. Hey, Blondie!  I'm thirsty. Christie, the other waitress on shift that night, stood helplessly by, trying to take his order, but the biker would have none of it. I motioned her forward. Take my six, I said. I'll handle it. Looking relieved, Christie scurried away. I pasted on a smile and sauntered over to the table. I spoke to the one making all the noise, a muscular, dark-haired man with a snake tattoo that started at his neck and ended with rattles down his middle finger. What can I get you? He leaned back in his chair and gave me an appreciative smile. Fishing his wallet from his pocket by the chain attached to his belt loop, he withdrew two $100 bills and placed them beneath the salt shaker. Two buckets of bud to start. One of these is for the tab. One's for you if you don't let us run dry till that hundred's gone. Understand, sweet thing? Sure thing, honey. I drawled and his grin widened.  I rolled my eyes and made a face at Brody, who stood tense at the bar, watching the exchange. Two buckets of Budweiser, I said. Avery, that's not your table. You don't have to serve those guys. I could take care of myself, Brody. He frowned, but turned to fix the buckets without another word. Sweet of him to worry, but unnecessary. Plus, that tip would be great, considering rent was due this week. I might actually be able to eat something that didn't come from the char bar. When I returned to the table, I noticed a cell number scrawled on one of the bills. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again and instead engaged in some banter with them.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brody start to come around the bar and I hurried to head him off. I said, I can take care of myself, I hissed. Do not go over there. His blue eyes flashed. Avery, you're not a piece of meat. He has no right to touch you. I don't mind. He scowled and threw a dish towel behind the bar. Maybe you should. Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe I should do a lot of things. These days, it was hard to feel much of anything. Finally, the bikers left and the crowd thinned. After I took table four of their check, I stepped outside to smoke.  Brody sighed, leaned back against the wall and squinted at me. I clutched the shoulders of the man who labored over me. His snake tattoo looked even more sinister, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. But I wasn't thinking about that. I wasn't even thinking about him. Sex was just a release for me. There were never any feelings attached. Maybe that was why Brody's words troubled me so much. I closed my eyes remembering what he'd said. Geez, Avery, why are you such a hard-ass? Maybe I just care about you. I snorted. You don't know anything about me. I want to, he said. One chance. Let me take you out on a date. A date. I nearly snorted again. I hadn't been on a real date since high school. One night stands with strangers hardly counted. Brody had no idea. Why would you want to date me? I demanded. He gave me that crooked grin and shrugged.  I laughed in spite of myself. I think you're afraid of me, he said. I think you know I'd be good to you and you don't know how to handle that. I'm not relationship material, I said. I took another drag on my cigarette. You could be with me. I stubbed my cigarette out and gave him a patient's smile. You think we're alike? We're not. I pointed through the window at a group of roughnecks. I'm like them, like trash going nowhere. Then I pointed at a group of giggling college girls waiting around the bar for Brody's return. You are one of them. You'll leave here after you graduate, marry a girl like that named Mallory or Ashley or Tiffany and forget about this little dive bar you worked in during college. You'll forget about me. I don't mean anything to anyone. You're wrong, he said. You mean something to me. The biker collapsed on top of me and I sighed. Glad he was finally finished. I hoped he could take my mind off of things, but now I regret it even coming to his motel room. He rolled onto his back and I lay there, thinking, waiting until I thought he'd dozed off. Then I eased away from him and fumbled from my clothes in the dark. His hand shot out and grabbed me, pulling me back. Where you going? He asked, slurring. I need to get home, I said and tried to pull away. I know, he said. We ain't finished yet, darling. Just taking a breather. I'm finished, I said. Let me up. In the dark, I didn't see the fist swinging around at me.  His eyes closed around my throat and I kicked and flailed at him, but he was so strong. My last thought before I lost consciousness wasn't of Lane, but of Brody, without disappointed he'd be when they found my naked, battered body in some cheap motel tomorrow.  Guess he'd finally see that. Our story to keep a promise by Stephanie Schism continues when Weird Darkness returns. He has been spotted all over the world, but photographic evidence is lacking, as is any scientific proof, but he still exists and is still seen. And now you can search for Bigfoot every month in the Find Bigfoot calendar by Timothy Wayne Williams. Each month you'll be captivated by an original Timothy Wayne Williams painting, beautiful and captivating, but within each painting hides a monster. Bigfoot is hiding somewhere in each painting. Search for Bigfoot and invite others to do so as well with the new Find Bigfoot calendar, available now at WeirdDarkness.com slash Bigfoot. That's WeirdDarkness.com slash Bigfoot. I woke up on my stomach. My cheek pressed against stiff white sheets. Took me a moment to remember where I was, but I was smart enough not to move until I got my bearings. I hurt. I hurt all over, especially my throat. What had he done to me? I needed to cough. My throat burned, tickled. My eyes watered, and I didn't know how long I'd be able to suppress it. I heard his labored breathing beside me. Sounded like he was out, but I didn't dare turn my head. Instead, I strained to see in the dim room, looking for a weapon. He left the bathroom light on. I saw the contents of my purse strewn across the worn carpet. My wallet gaped open, empty. Son of a... I gritted my teeth and made a push toward the edge of the bed. I paused, but detected no change in his breathing. I forced myself up on shaky legs and fumbled on my clothes. Stuffing my things back into my purse, I realized my money wasn't the only thing missing. So was my knife. The smart thing would have been to slip out the door and run, but I needed my money. Not just the $100 tip, but the other $170 he had taken from my wallet. I crept to his side of the bed and unplugged the lamp. When I tried to lift it, I found it was bolted to the table, so I unplugged the phone instead. Then I searched until I found his wallet. I thought about just taking my part of the money, but then thought, ah, the hell with it. I took it all, my money plus $200 or so. He began to stir. I gripped the phone and crashed it down on his head. He cursed, and I hit him again. Then I ran. The morning sunlight nearly blinded me, and for one terrifying moment I couldn't find my keys. Please, please, please! I gasped, fumbling in my purse. There they were. I jumped in my car, still watching the motel door, but it never opened. I didn't kill him, I thought. Surely I didn't kill him. It was nearly a mile away when I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror. Blood spattered my face. I hadn't even felt it. Oh, god, I said, and fumbled in my glove compartment for napkins. Twenty minutes later, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror trying to figure out what to do. Ugly red bruises stood out against the peel skin on my throat. Even the whites of my eyes were red. Maybe I should go to the police? It was self-defense, right? I decided to drive back to the motel. To my relief, his bike was gone when I got there. For two days, I never left my apartment. The next night, however, I had to work. I almost called in. This was the anniversary of Lane's death. I might not make it until tomorrow anyway, but with my luck, I'd probably survive. Again. I tried to cover up the bruises with makeup, but that somehow made them look worse. I washed it off and then tied a scarf around my neck. It looked dumb, but I couldn't think of anything else.  Brody gave me a long look when I walked into the bar. Change of shift was busy, and I managed to avoid him until my first smoke break. He followed me outside. That biker guy has been looking for you, he said. Oh, I said. And he frowned at the rasp in my voice. I told him you'd quit. When he came back the next night, I told him you'd still quit.  He looked pretty rough. Not as rough as you, though. Before I knew it, he pushed me against the wall and reached for the scarf. What are you doing? I asked, trying to force his hands away. I haven't seen anyone wear an ascot since Fred on Scooby-Doo. Scarf came free in his hands. Damn, Avery, he said. And I felt absurdly near tears of the horror in his eyes. When I didn't speak, he said, That guy said you took his money. What are you into, Avery? Is it drugs? He looked away. Prostitution? A tear slid down my cheek. Is that what you think of me? I shook my head and pushed past him. He tried to grab my arm, but I jerked away. I walked through that back door, through that restaurant, and out the front. I heard Brody call my name, but I never slowed down. Maybe fate would be kind. Tonight. I wanted to die.  I kept picturing the look on Brody's face. He was the only one who had believed in me. The closest thing I had to a friend.  By the time I hit the curve, I was doing 70. When the rear end came around and I started to spin, I closed my eyes and pictured Lane's face. Suddenly, his voice filled my head, shouting instructions, as clear as if you were in the seat beside me.  I opened my door and nearly fell out onto the shoulder.  Avery. Avery. Avery, are you okay? I rolled onto my back and tried to scramble away. Brody fell to his knees beside me and reached for me. Hey, it's me. I slapped his hands. What are you doing here? Why are you following me? What just happened? He looked at the crosses. His gaze lingered on Lane's. What is this place? My brother died here. I never talked about my personal life. Ever. But once I started talking, I couldn't stop. I told Brody everything. About Lane, about Darius, my mother, even about rattlesnake guy. When I finally stopped, I was afraid to look at him. Now he'd know I was trash, just like I'd tried to tell him. He wrapped his arms around me. I froze for a moment and then, sagged against him, his arms tightened around me. What happened to Lane was not your fault. Why would you think that? I was the oldest. I was in charge. We were supposed to stay home. Your kids, Avery. This wasn't anyone's fault. He paused. What I just saw with the curve. You do that every year? I didn't answer. He kissed the top of my head. You were the strongest person I've ever known. I gave a strangled laugh. I'm weak. When I went into that curve tonight, I wanted to die. I'm so alone, Brody. He gave me a fierce hug. You were not alone. Not anymore. Let's get out of here, okay? We're going back to mine, please. I wasn't sure what showed on my face, but he shook his head. Not for that. I'm not letting you stay alone tonight. He stood and reached to help me up. I took his hand. He smiled and hauled me to my feet. I brushed a kiss on my fingertips and pressed it to Lane's cross. Then slid under the arm Brody offered. His place wasn't much bigger than mine, though his furniture was better. I'd muddied my clothes, so he found me one of his shirts and a pair of drawstring shorts to put on. We talked for hours about my family, about his. I learned that money didn't necessarily buy a happy childhood. Even when there was nothing left to say, I felt comfortable. Safe. I hadn't felt that in years. I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. I woke some time later, lying on the couch. Brody lay beside me, spooning my back, his arms around me. When I stirred, he mumbled, Don't go. Lying there, wrapped in the heat of his body, breathing in his scent, I didn't want to go. I twisted around and kissed him. He kissed me back, rolling on top of me. But when I reached to tug his shirt over his head, he stopped me. Avery, please, I said, I want this. He led me to his bedroom. That night I broke one of my rules. I didn't leave. I woke the next morning and breached for him. His side of the bed was empty. I stagged a t-shirt off the floor and went to search for him.  I pressed my fingertips to my lips, but failed to suppress my smile. Apparently he didn't hear my approach. I witnessed a rather inspired performance of Prince's song Kiss. I laughed, feeling happy for the first time in a long time. He whirled, but didn't seem embarrassed. He placed a plate of pancakes on the table and seized me, dancing me around his tiny kitchen. Good morning, beautiful, he said. Good morning. I glanced at the plates of food covering the kitchen table and raised an eyebrow. You having company over? Ha-ha. Sunlight streaming through his kitchen window made his eyes look blue and bright as a june sky. Maybe I'm hungry. He winked at me and said, and maybe I wanted to impress you a little. I grinned and draped my arms around his neck. Oh, I'm impressed. Mostly that you have this much food in your house, considering we both work at the same place. I winced. Well, maybe we used to. I guess maybe we're fired. I took care of it. I talked to Charlie, told him you had an emergency, and it's all good. We have tonight off, too. What? I gasped. Charlie hates me. No, he doesn't. You never miss work. Besides, how would he replace both of us? You're amazing. He smiled. So, since we have tonight off, how about that date? Date? You know, dinner, dancing? Something besides burned corn dogs and dancing around the jukebox at Charbar? But that's my favorite. Oh, I know. I may have set the bar too high, but I'll do my best to impress you. You already impressed me. And he did. Brody was a nice guy. A good man. When I found out I was pregnant six weeks later, he didn't say, Are you going to keep it? Or is it mine? He said, Marry me. Brody, I don't know if it's yours. I won't put this on you if it's not yours. I don't care if it is. It will be. We'll never know any differently, and the baby won't either. I love you, Avery. We can be the parents we always needed. Marry me. But I couldn't. Not without knowing. I talked to my doctor, and he scheduled an amniocentesis when I was far enough along. The day we met the doctor to discuss the results, I was a wreck. I'd given up cigarettes the day I learned I was pregnant, and my nerves were shut. I'd been unable to sleep that night, and while staring into Brody's face in the moonlight, I'd made a decision. If the baby was his, I'd marry him, and I'd do my damnedest to be a good wife and mother. If it wasn't, I'd leave in the middle of the night and never look back. I was not going to tie him to another man's child. Brody tried to make small talk while we waited, but I couldn't hold up my end. Both me and my baby had so much to lose. I wanted Brody to be the father so badly, not for his money or even his support. One day this child would want to know about its father. I did not want to have to tell it that I didn't even know his name. The doctor looked at Brody and held out his hand. Congratulations, dad! Brody's grin lit up the office. He pumped the doctor's hand and then turned to hug me. So I agreed to marry him.  Maybe he was right. I didn't know. All I knew was that I would do my best not to let him down. Not to let either of them down. I didn't know if I was capable of love, but the day I looked into Brody's shining eyes over that surgical mask when he held our son for the first time, I knew I loved them both. I couldn't say it, however, but I hoped he knew. He stood by my side when I cut ties with my mother. My son was my priority now. I could no longer try to help somebody who wasn't interested in helping herself. I also would never have my child around Darius. Lucas was a difficult baby.  A colicky infant stage progressed to night terrors by age 3. That was the age he began to talk a lot more and also when I started to suspect there was something terribly wrong with my son. One night as he played with one of his toy cars, he looked at Brody and said, His name is Dale. Brody glanced at the black car with the number three on the door and looked at Lucas in surprise. Yeah, that's Dale Earnhardt's car. How did you know that? Lucas shrugged and said, My other dad told me. Brody stared at me. Other dad? I shrugged, but I saw the tension in his face. Who's your other dad, Lucas? He asked. Lucas wouldn't answer. Can I see you in the kitchen? I asked. You can't turn a whore into a housewife, right? I said when we were out of Lucas' earshot. He reached for me and I jerked away. I've never cheated on you. I've never even considered it. I care about you. Brody sighed. I know you do. I'm sorry. It just caught me off guard, I guess. He pulled me to him and this time I didn't find it. I love you, Avery, and I know you love me, too. I only wish you could say it. I did, too. There was this feeling that if I did, something horrible would happen. One night while Brody lay across my lap, I traced the words on his back with my fingertips. I thought he was sleeping, but he kissed my thigh and said, I love you, too. My mother called me a week before the 10th anniversary of Lane's death, begging to see Lucas.  I told her I'd think about it and disconnected the call. That night I pulled down an old photo album from the closet. I'd stolen it from my mother's house before I moved out. Lucas climbed into my lap and Brody looked over my shoulder while I flipped through it. Lucas pointed at a picture of a 10-year-old Lane and said, That's me. No, honey. That's your uncle Lane. He's in heaven now. Lucas ignored me, pouring over the pictures with an intensity rarely seen in the rambunctious toddler. He pointed at another picture. That's my old dad. That's my dad, I said. He looked at me with his bright blue eyes and said, I know mommy. That week, Brody called me from a restaurant parking lot. I heard Lucas in the background having a meltdown. They'd been fishing and stopped to get lunch. Hey, honey. Brody said, Do you want us to bring you something? I'm good. Why is he crying? You'll never believe it. He's crying because the waitress took away his corn cob. His what? A corn cob. He started screaming that he wanted me to make him a pizza pie or something like his old dad did. Lucas screamed in the background, Piece pie. Piece pie. Do you have any idea what he's talking about, babe? No, none. Something was there. Some memory tugged at the back of my mind. Brody sighed. Okay, well, we'll be home in about an hour. I love you. He hung up. Instead of waiting on the reply, he knew wasn't coming. I stared at my phone and then impulsively called my mother. Mom, I have a weird question about Lane. Okay, my mother said slowly. Did dad ever make something for him out of corn cobs? Yeah, he made these pipes out of dried out corn cobs and sticks. Lane thought he was big stuff, clamping it between his teeth and walking around like Popeye. I don't remember that. Well, you were a girl. Your father didn't believe in little girls even pretend smoking. Did he call them something? He called them piece pipes. He grabbed his cigarettes and Lane is pipe and say, come on, son. Let's go smoke our piece pipes. Why do you ask? This was not something I wanted to run by my mother. An old memory, I guess. We made small talk. My mother told me about the latest sobriety coin she'd earned and said, Avery, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Darius. I, Mom, I have to go. I said, I'll call you later. Some things I just wasn't ready to forgive or even talk about. From watching through the freezer, I took a near of corn from a freezer bag and boiled it. Then I shaved the corn from it with a knife and placed the cob on the back porch to dry. I made a pipe and sat it on the entertainment center. Lucas didn't notice it until that afternoon after supper. He yelled, he's pie, he's pie, until Brody followed his gaze and got it down. He shot me a questioning look and then handed it to Lucas. Lucas stuck the end of it in his mouth and beamed at us. That night after I put him to bed, Brody and I discussed it. What are you saying? He asked. I know it's odd, but you don't really think. I don't know, I admitted, but he says such strange things sometimes. Even Brody had no explanation for what happened later that week. They were talking, laughing on the way to the zoo. I was driving in the back seat. Lucas said, Mama. Brody was in the middle of a story he was telling, so I glanced at the rear of your mirror at Lucas, but didn't reply.  I slammed on the brakes and was nearly rear-ended by the car behind us. It swerved around us. Brody and I looked at each other and then at Lucas. The glare of a car horn jerked my attention back to the front. I looked up just in time to see the car that passed us sail through a green light and get t-boned by a semi. Metal screamed. The semi carried the little red car through the stop light and crashed into a pickup on the other side. Call 911, Brody shouted and bailed out of the car. Shaking, I did, as instructed. When I disconnected the call, I twisted to look at Lucas and said, What did you call me? He looked out the window. Lucas, answer me, why did you call me Timmy? That s your name. Nearly an hour passed before we could leave the scene. Brody climbed back in the car, shaken. I asked him about the people in the car and he shook his head. Lucas lay slumped at his car seat, asleep. What just happened, Avery? He asked. Do you realize if you hadn t stopped, if Lucas hadn t screamed, that would have been us? That light was green. It burst into tears and he grabbed me. It buried my face against his neck and sobbed. I waited until we were home, until Lucas was watching cartoons in another room, to pour myself a drink and sit at the kitchen table with Brody. Did you hear what he called me? I asked. Brody gave a puzzled laugh. Uh, Timmy? Jimmy? To be honest, I was more concerned about the other word he said. I asked him why he called me Timmy and he said that was my name. Brody, no one called me that since my dad died. He reached for my glass and took a long swallow. Your dad called you Timmy? Tears stung my eyes. I was that kid, you know? The kid who always was getting into trouble, always getting hurt or stuck or something. Lane would always run for help. My dad would look at my mom, sigh, and say, Look, honey, here comes Lassie. Guess Timmy s fallen into the well again. How would Lucas know that? Brody looked at me for a long moment, then at his lookalike son, playing in the living room. He shook his head. I don t know. Maybe he said something else. Maybe we misunderstood. He said Timmy. I know he said Timmy, but even if he didn t, why was he screaming at me to stop? He couldn t have seen that truck. Did you ask him? I did, but he wouldn t answer me. Brody called our son into the kitchen. Lucas, why did you call your mom that name in the car? The boy dropped his head. It s her name. Who said that was her name? My old dad. I felt Brody s eyes on me, but I was watching Lucas. Why did you yell at me to stop? Lucas looked at his shoes, because I m supposed to protect you. I closed my eyes. In my head, I heard Lane say, I ll always protect you. I began to cry. Mommy, don t. Lucas pleaded, tugging at my sleeve. I found I was afraid to look at him. Why don t you go play, bud? Brody said. I opened my eyes and stared at my husband. He looked as scared and confused as I felt. After that day, Lucas didn t speak of his old dad, and after a couple of months I almost forgot. He was just Lucas again, a handsome little boy with eyes as blue as a June sky and a cowlick in the crown of his head, like his father. That fall, I decided I wanted to visit my mother and put flowers on Lane s grave. Brody wanted to go with me, but I told him it was something I needed to do alone, at least the first time. Lucas was asleep when we passed the curve going in. Yellow leaves decorated the white crosses. This time, I didn t mind. When I pulled up in a childhood home, I was surprised to see the yard neatly kept, and the flowerbeds exploding with color.  She walked out to greet us and stood by the car while I roused my sleeping son.  Avery, he s beautiful. Lucas blinked at the older woman and his small face creased in a frown. You look different. Different from what? My mother asked with a laugh. Did you show him pictures? I looked at Lucas and thought of Lane. I ve had different, he d think our mother looked. The past eleven years have not been kind. Come in, my mother said. I made lunch. Mommy, no! Lucas whispered, that bad man. My blood ran cold, but I patted my son s back and whispered, the bad man s gone. The rest of the visit passed uneventfully, though Lucas was unusually quiet and clung to my side, at least until we walked to the cemetery. He ran ahead of us chasing a butterfly, but he stopped and ran his fingers over the etching of one tombstone. I realized it belonged to Jimmy Hendricks. He paused and gave it a thoughtful look, and then he ran ahead. He stopped at Lane s grave. My mother shot me a surprised look, but I ignored her. Lucas played around the tombstones for a while, but he grew increasingly agitated and whiny. Mom, I need to go, I said finally. On the way out, Lucas began to cry as we approached the curve. Timmy, stop! He said softly. Without hesitation, I pulled over. I unbuckled my seatbelt, then extracted Lucas from his car seat. Hand in hand, we walked over to the row of crosses. Lucas sat on the ground, in the spot where I d watched my brother take his last breath. My son looked up at me tearfully. I m sorry, mommy. I fell asleep, and I couldn t find you when I woke up. I got lost. It s okay, I whispered, feeling the tears slip down my cheeks. It s not, he insisted. I promised to protect you. I folded the small boy in my arms. You did more than that. You saved me. You forgive me? Of course, I said, squeezing him tight. You saved me. And he wasn t the only one. Brody worked late that night. Lucas had been in bed for hours when I saw his headlights turn into the drive. I ran out to meet him. Is everything okay? He asked. I love you, I blurted. Stared at me for a long moment. Then he gave me one of those dazzling smiles. Say it again. I did, and then I kissed him. Lucas s night terrors stopped after that night, and he never mentioned his old life again. I hoped Lane had somehow found peace. Because at last, I had. You can find all of that and more at WeirdDarkness.com WeirdDarkness is a registered trademark. Copyright, Weird Darkness. And now that we re coming out of the dark, I ll leave you with a little light. Ephesians 1, verse 7, In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins in accordance with the riches of God s grace. And a final thought, don t stress over things you can t change. I m Darren Marlar. Thanks for joining me in the Weird Darkness.


So have you ever put an outfit together and thought it was great and then you see a photo of it later and you're like What was I thinking? We've all been there myself included It's part of the journey and I think the thing to understand is that along that path that we're all on that We are going to make some mistakes So what I thought I would do today is to show you some of my worst outfits and give you some commentary on them So hopefully you can avoid making some of the mistakes that I made. What's up guys? I'm Brian Sakawa. You're watching he spoke style and today six of my worst outfits So the good news at least from my perspective is that I had to go back kind of far into the archive to dig these up So what that tells me is that over time? I have learned a lot especially from some of the mistakes that I've made so that makes me feel good But this isn't about feeling good right now. This is about humbling myself in front of you. So without further ado Let's dive in Okay, this first outfit here is Pretty much my least favorite outfit that I've ever put together. I just did so much going wrong here just some context for what this outfit is is I was looking for a way to sort of Well, the post was about how to dress up a leather jacket So I wanted to take the leather jacket out of its more casual context and put it into a more dressed-up setting. I Just I really don't like this look I really it was really sort of like trying to put a square peg in a round hole here The biggest problem with this is that the thing the things just don't match up. So And it's mostly the Fabrics so if we see a little bit of a closer picture you can see like the wool of the trouser just doesn't really gel with the leather jacket and Let's talk about this shirt as well. It's got a smaller collar. I wouldn't wear a collar like that now I just was like trying a little too hard to Make these things work well together and I just I just don't think they work well at all And then the glasses, I mean I like those glasses a lot But I just don't think with this outfit that they really go the tie is good on its own, of course but again, this was just an an attempt to try something and It didn't really work out so moving on So I must say that this outfit was one of the very first that we shot when we started he spoke style When I was first getting into it. I was very influenced by Tom Brown, you know the Black fleece that he was doing with Brooks Brothers. It was it was interesting to me You know this blazer in particular you're either gonna love it or you're gonna hate it I'm still I don't think it's terrible the blazer itself But the problem here is that there's just too much going on and I'm not talking about the pattern necessarily What I'm talking about is we go into the Detail shot here. You'll see what I'm talking about. So not only do I have the blazer, but I've got this like Pocket square, that's just kind of crazy and then the tie isn't tied very well. I've got the collar pin going on too You can see I have Braces on which well, you don't see when I have the jacket on of course, but then Also this small detail. I can't really see here, but the cuff links they have a skull on them You know overall I just I Was trying to make it work like I wanted to make it work But I think the overall effect was that it sort of came out like I was trying too hard and there's just too much going on here So yeah, there we have that one. Oh by the way, I still have this jacket if anyone is interested in it Just leave me a comment Okay, so this one another attempt to Do something more with a regular piece so we're talking about the pinstripe suit here Again like the first look we looked at I think My intent was good, but the execution was poor. I just think there's too much going on here So the idea for this was I wanted to try and take the pinstripe suit out of the business context and give it a little more Kind of of a fun flair that it's summer. That's why I have those linen loafers on But again, I just think there's too much going on here That is not good. So we've got the club collar shirt Which on its own is fine got a funky tie this pocket square fold that I tried to make look Tossed off and easy, but I think it looks like a mess now that I'm looking at it They have the the glasses that don't really match and and then Too many bracelets there's just too much going on here overall, I think I was just trying a little bit too hard and As a result, it's it's just something that I'm not not really a fan of now Okay, next look I don't think this is necessarily such a bad look. It's just kind of Missing something in my eyes. I mean it's very simple just a Double-breasted jacket with the linen shirt and some off-white trousers. It's a summer look I think maybe what could have helped here is a hat of some sort just to kind of give the whole outfit a little more shape Also, I don't think my choice of sunglasses was Appropriate for this maybe with a pair of club masters or something a little more classic I think I would feel a little bit better about this but again They what I was attempting to do here was to take a double-breasted jacket and make it a little more casual thus wearing it open Without a tie or anything like that, but to me. This just feels I'm also missing a pocket square There could have been one that slipped down. I don't know. I don't remember. It's a long time ago that we did this one but overall, I just feel like there's something missing and You know not a terrible look, but Not complete. I guess is what I would say Next look here Okay Again, this this outfit was sort of like content driven and by content driven. I mean like Have like I like to show one piece many ways So in the case of this look here, we're talking about this chunky cardigan I think the biggest problem here Well, what I wanted to do was take you know This is like a piece that I normally wear around the house But I wanted to see if I could style it in a way that it could be worn outside in a different kind of context So again, I think the biggest problem with this look here is the coat much like the first look where the leather didn't match the wool trousers I think the coat Does not match the texture and the fabrics that it is there I don't know why I chose this coat Probably because I just got it and I was really into it But as you can see especially in this photo here the it's kind of got a little bit of a sheen to it It's not a shiny coat, but it just doesn't gel well with the wool Cardigan and the flannel pants. I think with a different coat this look could work But again, I think this is just was a poor choice of coat for this look So there you have it. All right the last one. I'm trying to remember. I can't remember what it was. Yes Okay, I remember this now. This was again one of the very first looks that we ever shot for He spoke style website Again, I don't think there's anything Necessarily wrong with it other than the biggest thing is that it feels too cost to me to me now I think if this was for like some kind of photo shoot It would be fine, but This is not something I would wear today it looks like someone who Well, it is someone who was just getting into you know wearing suits and and men's style and in trying to kind of do the dapper thing and I've got the bow tie and the little news boy hat again. It's not a terrible look. It's just it's just to me. It's not something that I would wear today, I think it feels too affected and For that reason, you know, I Just wouldn't wouldn't do it anymore But it was a good sort of experiment and I remember doing this photo shoot It was was kind of fun to do but overall this is not something that You know, you'd see me wearing today So there you go some of what I would consider to be my worst outfits I think the biggest takeaway in reviewing those and going through them again is that Trying too hard is probably one of the biggest mistakes that we all make and the thing about it is is that I think it's sort of Unavoidable, especially when you are first getting into or getting serious about men's style It's hard when you're first getting into it to be like, yeah, I'm just gonna wear a classic clothes style in a classic way There's always like this impulse to want to stand out or maybe more to the point to show people That your into men's style and that almost always results in going too far or trying to do too much Now I'm not telling you to not explore or try different things because you know You might find something that works for you or feels right to you. Don't be afraid But at the same time, I think being a little cognizant of the impulse to do too much is a good mindset to be in So leave your comments below maybe share some of your worst outfits Hey, I shared mine and what you learn from those experiences thumbs up if you liked this video hit that subscribe button and until next time Thanks for watching and stay Taylor