Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, how to make him obsess about you and think about you like crazy. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can get seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is called Heart-Centered Radical Honesty. I'm direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. Cagely, I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if that's not your cup of tea, then I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. There's no certification for what I do. Quite frankly, this is mostly my opinions and perceptions around relationships. So I'm not here to suggest it's the gospel. However, if it does resonate with you, then take it for what it is from that place. All right, let's talk about how to make a man obsess about you and think about you like crazy. So when I saw this title elsewhere, I thought about this and let's think about someone who obsesses about you and thinks about you like crazy. Quite frankly, that's ridiculously unhealthy. That's ridiculously unhealthy. I mean, that's what stalkers do. That's what criminals do. So we don't necessarily want a man to obsess about you and think about you like crazy, right? I mean, from an unhealthy place. And certainly there are men out there that put women up on a pedestal and they oftentimes will treat a woman from that place of obsession or thinking about them like crazy because they literally those men have given their power away to a woman. And so their whole likelihood, their inner livelihood is based on whether or not that woman is loving on them. Ladies, you know about this because you oftentimes put men on a pedestal and if you've been following my channel for a while, you know, I talk about how women oftentimes give their power away to a man or in some cases they operate from a place of needing constant validation from a man, meaning I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. So when somebody puts you on a pedestal, they're literally shifting out of their own needs and desires and making it all about their partner. So then I started to think about the couples that I know and I happen to be blessed. I'm part of a community of friends that there's well over a couple hundred of us and there's probably at least 30 or 40 couples who I've interacted with broken bread with on a regular basis over the last four or five years. And these are these conscious aware couples. I see them as conscious aware. I call it my spiritual community. And these are the couples where the men and women are just great partners with one another. They're really great partners with one another. They have that juicy, delicious relationship I oftentimes talk about. Now, this is my projection possibly or my perception based on what I see. And however, I've broken bread with the men in the group on a number of times. In fact, we have a men's group and we've gotten together with at least 20 of us and in the last few years, I've been the single guy in the group at one time I was in relationship with someone and I talked to the men not too long ago but long ago about their relationships. And it made me think of why these men adore the women they're with or not so much why these men adore the women they're with why these relationships are so healthy and why they equally adore one another. They equally for lack of a better word obsess and think about one another. And again, I think of it in a healthy way. And it really came about from two reasons, two reasons. And now I wanna shift it back from the woman's perspective because what I gathered in this dynamic is first and foremost, the women chose emotionally healthy men. Let me repeat that the women chose emotionally healthy men. Now, if you watch my channel, I've shot videos about emotional maturity and what I've observed within these men that they literally ascribe to these five qualities of what I say as an emotionally mature men. There's more than five qualities. These quick and just really quickly, these are actions matching words. These men take personal responsibility for their choices. They're not in victim consciousness. They're in victor consciousness. They know how to fight there. And what I mean is they're not in their egoic self that has to be right. When there's conflict in the relationship, they listen to their partner's point of view and they accept their partner's point of view as being true for them. That's what I call fighting fair. Number four, they have empathy, genuine empathy. And empathy isn't simply I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I care about your feelings and I care about my own feelings. So these men are very much in touch with both their, we'll call it masculine and feminine. I look at these men as equally yoked inside of themselves within their masculine and feminine, we'll call it masculine and feminine energies for those of you. And most of you know how I feel about masculine and feminine energy. And that just simply means the capacity to give and to receive. And when a human being is equally yoked in their capacity to give and receive, they're actually in their empowered energy. Their empowered energy. And lastly, these are men who are transparent. What I mean to say is if something is up within the relationship, if it's material to the relationship, these men speak up. These men aren't closed off, they're not pulling away, they're not disappearing, they're not ghosting, they're actually active participants in the relationship. So I said earlier that these men are emotionally mature. In addition, and this is so hugely important, is that they are commitment ready and they expressed it right from the get-go. I'm gonna repeat that these men are commitment ready and they expressed it right from the get-go. In other words, it wasn't, I'm looking, I'm not only interested in the casual relationship or something superficial, these men actually wanted to lean into deeper intimacy with their partners. So first, it requires choosing this man who is emotionally mature. The challenge is for many of you is you don't know how to determine someone's emotional maturity earlier rather than later and what happens, you get attached to the wrong guy and then you're obsessing over the wrong guy. And that's not how you're going to have a man who's going to feel like you're both equally obsessing and thinking about you guys crazy from a healthy way. So it requires being a better investigator on your part, being a better detective in the early stages of dating. Now, here's the one thing I've observed within men and this is women as well. If two people are physically attracted to one another, in other words, you're each other's type, the man is physically attracted to you and your personalities clicked together and I made some notes here.   If you follow my channel, you know the importance I talk about blendable lifestyles, blendable lifestyles.  In fact, if I looked at these relationships, they all said the same thing, they happen rather easily. There wasn't a lot of friction in the beginning. In fact, because there was no friction, these women didn't have to watch videos about trying to understand why men ghost or why disappear because when you're with the right kind, these things don't happen. So really, I want you to lean into asking yourself early on in the dating process, does this guy feel good to be with? Because if he's coming on strong, if he's going over the top, he's oftentimes pursuing sex and not necessarily a fully committed relationship. I'm gonna repeat that.  The men who are relationship ready, it requires ladies for you to learn how to ask better questions. I'm gonna repeat that. You have to learn how to ask better questions and if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call. That's what my private coaching is all about. So if you're ready to hire a coach, schedule that call with me. If you wanna learn how to vet for emotional maturity, if you wanna learn how to ask the right questions to determine if you two are truly compatible, then I highly recommend checking out a call with me. Now here's the bottom line, folks. Obsessing and thinking about someone crazy isn't healthy.  It's rare these days in the dating realm because for the most part, we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers.  I get it, you're frustrated. It's a mess because when two strangers meet, oftentimes they're not clicking, they're not vibing, there isn't attraction. And yet when there is mutual attraction, when your personalities click with one another, and it's easy to be able to get to spend time with one another, there's a good chance your relationship could turn into those juicy, delicious relationships I often talk about. Now that's also gonna require that you both share the same values and you have that chemistry that's so hugely important. I get it.  And this is why I'm such a big proponent of people doing the inner work, doing the inner work when they're on a break from a relationship. I'm gonna repeat that. They do the inner work while they're on a break. In other words, they've had a relationship that end, do the inner work. This is why I wrote my book.   There's a link below. Highly recommend checking that. This is a book of personal development, self-help and spiritual work with an invitation to do this on a daily basis.  And I don't mean getting manicures and getting your hair done in massages. That's self-care for sure. But I'm talking about emotional self-care. That means healing childhood wounds and traumas. As well as adult traumas. And this is why I continually recommend the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that oftentimes creates the behavior that makes us repellent to another human being or it makes us attract the wrong human being. I'm gonna repeat that. Oftentimes many of you are attracting the wrong human being because you haven't done the inner work to heal it. And then, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. So I'm here to say, if you wanna be in that juicy, delicious, healthy relationship, do the inner work first. Get a real good sense of both your giving and receiving within side of you. And that's what masculine and feminine simply is. It's both giving and receiving that yin yang sign where the one whole person is in their empowerment. I don't like the masculine feminine terminology because I prefer empowered self than putting a label that's typically associated with men and women because when we think of masculine, we think of men and we think of feminine, we think of women.  Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? I please let me know by hitting that thumbs up. All right, we're gonna take questions in a second. In fact, a question did come in that I wanna share with you. So just for those of you that are both listening to the recording, this is the time I take questions from the live chat. So if you're in the live chat right now in a few minutes, write the word question, then post your question, write the word question and cap so it makes it easier for me to find, do this in a few minutes and then write your question out. It'll make it easier for me to lean into this. And if you're listening to the recording or the replay, you won't be able to do this. Also, if to make it easier if you purchase a super sticker or a super chat, all the funds go to a scholarship fund I've created to help people defray their cost on personal development. The fund is in the honor of my son Connor. There's a picture of him Connor right there. This is my son who passed away a few years ago and the scholarship fund is in his honor. And so I certainly would appreciate those super stickers and super chats. All right, we had a question come in before I got started. So I'm gonna post it right here and then we're gonna take questions. The question is, hold on a second. Jonathan, the man I dated for six months just broke up with me and I'm losing my mind help. Jonathan, the man I just had been dating for seven months just broke up with me and I'm losing my mind and I need help. You know, when I saw this question come in, I can totally feel this person's pain. I've been in a relationship where I cared about someone. I loved someone deeply and the relationship ended. And I felt like I was losing my mind. And in many cases, that's what it feels like when we deeply care for someone and they end the relationship for a variety of reasons. And it could just simply be there was a misalignment. It could be that that person wasn't ready for a fully committed relationship. It could be that he found someone else. Whatever the why, I wanna lean into something deeper today and talk about this because this is so hugely important to being in your empowered self. I'm gonna repeat that, to be in your empowered self. And so when I talk about self love, again in my book, what the heck is self love anyway? When I talk about self love, I'm talking about being in your empowered self that has nothing to do with masculine or feminine energy. It's about being in your individual sovereignty. So how do we get there when we've gone through a breakup? How do we get to that place? And I think of this just like grief. I think about this just like grief. And if any of you are familiar with the five stages of grief, there's denial, anger, depression, bargaining, or excuse me, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As a matter of fact, it probably doesn't matter what order it is. In fact, it probably is not in order, it's all chaotic. And it occurred to me that when we're in a state of denial or shock, oftentimes that's what it feels like. And I started to think about grief, the grief of losing my son. When I think about that first moment, I got the phone call that he was not alive.  I was in absolute shock over this. I literally, it was so funny how I operated. I didn't operate like you think a person would have. I was literally in shock. And as the days went on, I went to a space of anger, very angry.  So it wasn't like he committed suicide. It wasn't like a drunk driver hit them. It wasn't cancer where it could get angry at God or angry at a drunk driver. This was an accident. And so I went through a stage of, briefly went through a stage of anger. And what the next stage is bargaining. And this is where I started to think about this conversation this woman probably is going through because we're in bargaining. We're in a state of holding hope for the man. We're thinking, well, what can I do to shift this? What can I do to change? And certainly when Connor passed away, I was thinking, what can I go back in time to shift everything so it didn't happen? I went through that stage. And then there's the stage that is a depression. And in many cases for many women after a significant or a relationship that they cared about ends, they go into depression, which really manifests in being jadedness, jaded, lonely and kind of bitter towards the dating process in man. I'm gonna repeat that. Oftentimes people go become bitter and jaded towards men and the dating process. And this happens when even someone doesn't text you right away and all of a sudden it's Bumble's fault for all of the relationship frustration you might be feeling. By the way, my copy mug says, sometimes you forget you're awesome. So this is your reminder. I love this mug. This was a gift from one of you fans out there from YouTube, it came in my mailbox at my office. I'm so grateful. So thank you so much for that. But lastly is acceptance. And why I wanna talk about acceptance today is that many people thought they were very impressed. Or at least I've heard this from many people how I shifted to acceptance rather early when Connor passed away. And I think about this in romantic love because ultimately if someone ends the relationship we're oftentimes bargaining or trying to figure out, well, why, why, why? And then how can I change it? How can I change it? How can I change it? Why, why, why? Did I do something wrong? If I'd only done this, if I'd only done that. Folks, when Connor passed away I went to acceptance very early on. And I think it's because I've been doing a lot of personal development work ahead of time. And so there's two books I wanna talk about right now for those of you to read. And the first book is The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Why I love this book is that it teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head. Those voices that are angry and bitter and jaded and bargaining and holding hope and everything else. And then there's another book I'd like you all to lean into whether you're in a relationship or not I highly recommend reading The Surrender Experiment The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Because this is all about learning acceptance. Learning acceptance. And this is what I had to lean into when Connor passed away. And so for the person that wrote this message I invite you to start leaning into acceptance as part of being your regular life accepting that things are bad folks. Listen, many of you on here have lost loved ones. Some of you have lost children. Some of you have lost relationships. Some of us lost parents. There's a picture of my mom and dad and when my mom passed away it was rather easy to accept because she was 88 years old. She lived a good life. She, it's the natural order of things. But when we invest our heart in someone especially someone young like my son both my boys I should say it's hard to accept these because it goes against the natural order of things. And even a relationship and I'm here to invite everyone. One of the fundamental pieces of inner peace of self-love is learning to go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression very quickly so we can come to a place of acceptance because the reality is is you can talk. The ego, the insidious ego will try to come up with all kinds of ways to make us bad or make the other person bad. Let me repeat that. The unhealthy ego will find ways to make us bad or the other person bad. It doesn't matter the why he broke up or why she broke up.  Let me do it this way, okay? To leaning into that because that's what matters most. And when you can achieve a place of acceptance sooner rather than later you can get back on the horse. And I remember reading a quote that once said fall off a horse seven times, get up eight times or something like get back on eight times or something like that. And the point is we can be bitter or jaded at the process.  I get it. And also what matters most is the relationship you have with yourself. So my invitation for this person is read these books, start to lean into your sovereignty, your empowered self and recognize it doesn't matter what happens. And I do encourage everybody, if you follow my channel to start to learn to choose better people in your life. And that starts with the very first phone call when you're getting ready to set up when a man or woman call each other to talk about going out on a date. Start asking better questions early on to see if you're actually a fit for one another so you can have that strength full relationship that's gonna last a lifetime. And I'm just gonna end on this note because everybody knows I talk about the relationship iceberg. The relationship iceberg, here it is. And on the top, the above the waterline is chemistry and attraction. And below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And as you start checking off the boxes that you share the same values that your lifestyles are blendable and you have emotional maturity, the waterline starts to drop, drop, drop and you feel greater and greater attraction for one another. And at some point that waterline is gonna go so far down that your relationship will be like a mountain. And when you've heard the story that men will move mountains, well, this is what it's all about. When you share the same values, you have blendable lifestyles and you have emotional maturity sparked with chemistry, you have a mountain of a relationship instead of the tip that most people focus on, which is chemistry. And that's what they're obsessing and chasing over is the least, well, the partially the most important thing in a relationship, but there's a lot more to compatibility than just chemistry. And just to end on this note for that person that wrote, I get your pain, I've been there and I invite you to do the personal development work so you can be stronger the next time you go back out there on a first or second date. All right, I hope that helped everyone, thanks so much. All right, time to take questions from the group. I know we have a lot of comments going right now.  I saw a question earlier, bear, oh God, we have a lot of questions. Bear with me, I'm trying to find the one I saw first. Bear with me everyone, I'm talking, talking, talking. All right, Ms. M, question. Do you think a man would answer honestly on these questions about commitment on a first date if there's lust in the picture? Wow, that's a great question. I have to think about that. Well, a man answer honestly. Well, people oftentimes lie to themselves. I know in the early stages when I went through my divorce and I wanted to be in relationship with someone, even though I wasn't ready, I was oftentimes lying to myself. So the problem is about the questions. The question isn't, well, one example of a question that I share with many of you is to ask a man, what does commitment look like for you? I'm gonna repeat that. What does commitment look like for you? That's a great question to ask. The deeper questions actually requires going through my program, my boot camp called shortcut to Mr. Right. Again, schedule a discovery call with me if you're ready to learn how to vet for emotional maturity. That's something I teach in my private coaching. Folks, you gotta hire me if you wanna get the deeper questions because it's through those deeper questions that are actually, they're specific to you.  So I can definitely teach you that if that's something you'd like to learn. I love this question, but because it is through those questions, you can get honest answers. We had a post last week about how to tell if someone is lying and you can tell by the way they move their eyes one way or the other way and body language and that sort of thing. You can tell when a person is misleading, but ultimately it's asking those deeper questions and again, I would suggest hiring me if you'd like to learn those deeper questions. So thank you so much for asking and I certainly will be able to help you for those that reach out to me on for private coaching. All right, let's keep going, let's keep going. LOL, I hope you don't mind if I steal your lying clusterfuck. Hee-hee, always put a smile on my face when I hear you say it, thank you. All right, Rhonda writes, question. How do we get away from sex talk on the first meet when we wish to ask? When we wish to ask? When we wish to ask, okay. Well, if you wanna ask sex, by the way, sex is part of the equation. Learning fun, flirty techniques to deflect might be a good thing, just go, oh, that's so sweet. Let's talk about that when we're actually have gotten to know each other better. Here's the thing, when a person is overly pursuing sex, that's not an emotionally mature person that overly pursues sex. And I've, listen, I've been there, I've operated that way. It is very hard when the chemistry is off the charts for a person, especially for the guy, and we are in our libido and we're horny and you have add some alcohol, it's hard not to be driven by sex. I think an emotionally mature person is tempered by it. I'm gonna repeat that, it's tempered by it. I've noticed in the last few years I've been a little more tempered in this way. And so a person that's heavily pursuing sex is probably not a good candidate because is he, but ultimately you have to ask yourself, is he really asking questions to get to know you from a friendship perspective or is it just more focused on the sex? Because listen, if it's 20% sex conversation, well, maybe not even that much, say 10% and 90% really getting to know you, that's someone I would invest in. If it's 90% sex conversation and barely enough to get to know you, my suggestion is pass on those guys. That's my invitation for you, but listen, I've known people I've had sex on the first date and they've been married 30 years and I've had people that waited to get married to have sex in their relationship, bombed in three months. So go figure. Great question, Rhonda, thank you so much. All right, all right. If you have a question, post the word question and then write it out. Okay, Monica or Monique, excuse me. Question, John, I'm Jonathan, but I get it. Question, John, I'm 53 looking forward to that special person. I have a disability that affects my mobility. I'm independent, but no longer drive. When do I disclose my situation? Love your energy, thank you so much. That's a great question. So I think it's important to be, if something is material to another human being, I think it's important to discuss it certainly. And this is where it gets tricky. Imagine if you had a venereal disease, imagine if you had AIDS, these are very tricky things. So I would prefer that you spend some time on the phone getting to know each other a little bit and do this over the telephone because this is just one perception. I'm not suggesting this is the right way, but ultimately, quite frankly, well, listen, I've worked with a woman who was in a wheelchair. I've worked with a woman that had multiple sclerosis. And so there might, I'm assuming maybe it's one of those situations and they have found love. They actually, it's because they disclosed it upfront to the person and the wrong person ran away, or I don't want to say ran away doesn't sound fair. That person didn't feel like it was a right fit for him. Imagine if a guy likes to climb mountains and likes to go hiking with his partner and likes to go skiing with his partner. Being with a person that can't be mobile wouldn't be a good fit for someone like that. So I think it's important to bring it up sooner rather than later because guess what? It's gonna come out anyway. And you might be surprised by, yeah, it's funny. Not a little while back, I was having a conversation with a woman and something happened in our text exchange. And I kept silent on it until we actually talked on the phone and I brought it up. And I talked about it with her before we met because I thought maybe this was a red flag. I'm gonna repeat that.  And I brought it up to her and it's so funny because it turned out to be nothing. It turned out to be nothing. Folks, I'm a big proponent. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. Remember my book, chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. Because in chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So Monique, when you say, when you speak your truth from your heart, the right person is not gonna be affected by it. Only the wrong person. I do believe it'd be best to meet people organically because then they visually see where you're at. But then again, nowadays, most people are meeting through the internet these days, online connections. So whether it is an online connection organically, I believe speaking up sooner rather than later is my invitation for you. Thank you so much for that question. All right, we are rockin' and rollin' on a Friday. All right, Brenna writes, question, I have a first date in a few hours. Best question to slip into the conversation to attest emotional maturity.  I'm just kidding. But to some degree, I like to ask questions that are kind of shocking to people.  In a joking manner. And you can preface it by saying, look, I do personal development work and I study human behavior and I have been aware now of childhood wounds and traumas. So I like this question, but by the way, I'm not married to it, so folks just go with me here. But I like to be a little bit humorous, but I've said this to women right from the get-go.    That's a great sign. They're not emotionally mature for me.   That fits within my personality. You have to figure out a question that's kind of asking a probing question based on your personality. If you're willing to be bold like I am, again, how someone responds speaks volumes to me of either whether or not we're a click or if they're emotionally mature. So I hope that helps with you. Thank you so much, great question. And I hope that one helps for you. All right, and it's Brenda, thank you. All right, so natural beauty rights. How do you break and disconnect yourself from a soul tie after a breakup? How do you disconnect yourself from a soul tie? So I'm assuming you mean soul mate or even the idea of a twin flame. How do you disconnect yourself? I don't believe in disconnecting yourself. I believe in actually leaning into your self-love. Again, my book, what the heck is self-love anyway just to begin part of the journey? There's so many, folks, you know, I recommend book after book after book after book. I believe in doing a deep dive into personal development. I'm a big proponent of Joe Dispenza, for example. I'm a big proponent of Wayne Dyer, of Abraham Hicks, of Marianne Williamson. I highly recommend reading Marianne Williamson's book, Return to Love, because that's what's missing is when you're disconnected, we are disconnected from our heart. It's as if our heart just stopped. And if we want to start our heart back up, we have to resuscitate it. So the best way to resuscitate our heart is with love. Love for self, love for humanity, love for the person that even ended it. Because when you can lean into loving another human being, even though you may not want to, you connect solely to your divine self, your inner spirit. This isn't masculine or feminine energy. This is empowered energy. And that's my invitation for you. Hope that helps. Thank you so much, Natural Beauty. Great question. All right, we are rockin' and rollin' today. By the way, I notice we have a super sticker here. Thank you so much from Patricia. Thank you so much. By the way, folks, if this is resonating with you, purchase a super sticker, purchase a super chat. This lets me know I'm providing value to you. Please let me know I'm making a difference in your life by doing so. Thank you so much. All right. CB says breakups are essentially hard because they also trigger old childhood wounds. Yes, come back to this book. Actually, you know what I wanna talk about another book? Personhood. Personhood, the art of being fully human. This is an amazing book to connect with your heart, folks. Listen, I'm not trying to sell you on some gigantic program because everything is in these great books. I highly recommend reading the four agreements, the four agreements to connect with yourself. All of these books I'm talking about allow you to connect with your inner spirit because that's oftentimes what's happened when we are triggered or disconnected is we are disconnected from our divine self, our self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, our self-love. The more work we do. Listen, folks, I talked about Connor earlier. It wasn't easy to be able to accept it. It was not easy. And I mean, I have, oh, I'm shaking right now. I have pain on a regular basis. How I navigate this is I know he would want me to be happy. I'll repeat that. I know he would want me to be happy. So in his honor, I choose life in his honor to love on myself. He was the inspiration for this book. I started writing it two months after he passed away. Not just for me. I did it for all of you. And I'm smiling because my book is on top of Amazon on a regular basis in the top 10,000. I'm so grateful. And it's because of Connor's spirit that this happened. So in his tragedy, I was able to find something I didn't have before. And that's my own self-love. And I hope you can do the same for yourself. And doing the work gets you there. And that's my invitation for you. I did a lot of work before he passed away. I think that helped prepare me. Super sticker from Kari. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Big hugs to you. Thank you so much. Weijin says, I'm reading the second time the untethered soul returned to love after I broke up and stopped contacting him. Reading is a way to heal and self-love. Yes, yes, yes, yes. My armpit stains. All right. Kari says, totally agree, books help learn and heal. Also exercises, getting outside, being active. Yes, those are all part of those things. Folks, I've done close to 3,000 hours of personal development workshops, trainings, videos, books, not to mention the 20,000 hours of coaching I've had as a dating and relationship coach. And I don't share this to impress you. I just want to impress upon you is that I don't take this lightly. I'm a big proponent of doing the work because listen, I've been, I was watching dating advice the other day about someone that was literally telling women to be absolutely submissive to a man and let a man control her because that's the worth of a woman. I was watching a man talk about that. And that just infuriates me. Folks, being submissive. I'm all in favor of two human beings being cooperative with one another. I'm all in favor of being cooperative with one another and easy to be with. I'm a big proponent of that.  And certainly when you're giving each other oral sex, one is in a dominant position and one is in a submissive position. And by the way, the only way to enjoy oral sex is to either be in a dominant or submissive position. I'm all in favor of that, okay? What I'm not in favor of giving your power away to another human being and how you're gonna get there is go to these workshops. There's online workshops all the time. There's trainings all the time. And give yourself 15 minutes to an hour a day. Most of you do this much work.  All right, let's take a few more questions before we wrap up today. Bum, bum, bum. Ego, bum, bum, bum. All right, Marcy writes, question, what makes a man reach out to a woman with whom he knows he doesn't share the same values? By the way, I admire so much your honesty and transparency. Marcy, thank you so much, great question. So what makes a man do that? Typically they're horny. That's the main thing, why does a guy change? By the way, you're all guys, folks are all caught up on the fact that men are hunters, men are chasers, men pursue.   What is he pursuing if he is chasing you? Most of the time, the pursuit is sex. Now, unless you had a great telephone call or your personality's totally clicked on the first date, but if your values aren't the same, you couldn't have clicked together.  That's not, so I mean, by the way, do I really have to answer this question? Does it really matter why a guy does that? What matters most is what are you gonna do about it?  What matters most, and this is what drives me nuts about you women sometimes, and sorry for saying it this way, you sometimes are so hyper focused on the why instead of what you're gonna do about it. And then you make it all about all men instead of one specific man. And I got kind of frustrated right there, mainly because I'm here to say, folks, your self-empowerment is more important than why a guy does anything. Your choices of what you do forward is more important than why a guy does anything. So that's why I got a little frustrated with that. All right, we have a question from Marcy again. Oh, and thank you for the $20. It looks like New Zealand, so thank you so much. Question, what makes a man reaching out to a woman with whom, oh, you just paid me for that. So thank you so much. I hope I answered your question. Thank you so much. All right. Catherine wrote, thank God Connor's life and gift to us all. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now I'm crying. Connor, sweetheart, I had no idea what your passing would have done for me. It broke my heart open. And you have made such a difference in so many people's lives, Connor, because of the, through you, through me, excuse me, I'm doing this work for you. I love you, sweetheart. V-Star writes, question, how do you have an interesting initial text conversation on Bumble when you have to start the conversation with a man? Love this question, my favorite. Oh, I love this question after I wipe away the tears. I have an acronym for everybody. The acronym is called NICE, N-I-C-E, NICE. Okay, the N stands for his name. On Bumble, everybody, look at folks, if you're not used to Bumble, Bumble is that app. Bumble's the app right there. Up, there's a picture of a woman right there on Bumble. There's my profile. There's my profile. All right, so first, and it has my name. So when you write each other, you have each other's name. So the N stands for name. The I stands for inquisitive, ask a question. So for example, on my profile, look it. There's the books that I like to read. There's the books I like to read, see? So the question might be, wow, you have a great collection of books. Which is your favorite? Great question. The C stands for compliments. Wow, you're easy on the eyes.  Throw in a compliment. We men get zero compliments in a day. So if you throw out a compliment, that excites us. Even the emotionally unavailable man that excites. And the E stands for enthusiasm. Throw in an emoji, or it could be emoji. Throw in a happy face emoji. Name, inquisitive, compliment, enthusiasm. It's called nice. So when you're being nice to a guy, you're gonna set yourself up for success right from the get-go. And find out if he does the same for you. Love this question. All right, folks, we're gonna be wrapping up with our next question. So, bum, bum, bum. Oh, that was the question we just had, sorry. All right, this will be our last question for the night. Question, Jonathan, do you have sisters and if so, do they listen to you and follow your advice? So my sister is Sarah. She's nine years older than me. I would have had a brother, but he passed away at childbirth, or stillborn my mother had.   In fact, she's with my father right now in Istanbul, Turkey. She's visiting him. My father moved to Turkey after my mother passed away. And she loved my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, but like many siblings, I don't see, my siblings and I are three completely different people. We are each completely different. I was raised very egoic and was very motivated through power. And I mean financial power. I was the one who was the driver from that perspective of our family. My brother was the happy one and my sister is the caretaker. So we each come to the table, three different people. We love each other very much, but we are different people. I do talk a little bit about this stuff. My sister has her own spiritual path and she follows to a different drummer. And I don't try to encourage her in any way to shift from her path. Everybody has their own path. I align myself with people who are following my path and my invitation is to choose people who are aligned to who you are and what you want. So in the case of my sister, we're just on different paths but we're close to one another. She's the caretaker of the family. I'm the new patriarch of the family and my brother is the happy glue that makes us all happy together. So I really appreciate that question, Bridge. Thank you so much. And this will be a great place to wrap up for today. It's Friday night, everybody.  That's what I'm gonna go do right now. Who knows? I might get lucky and fall in love out there. And my hope is every one of you find someone special in your life so they can obsess and think about you crazy because you're doing it together from a healthy, empowered way and not from that unhealthy way that many people do. All right, I've hope I provided that. If I have purchased a super sticker, super chat before we wrap up today, that would really mean a lot to me as always, if you find value in this, check out the link to schedule a discovery call with me. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out my podcast called The What Would Love Do podcast. Check out the books that I recommend. I hope I'm making a difference in your life. And if I am, please let me know by hitting that like button or posting a comment. All right, I'm gonna wrap up as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye.


designation long story short The benefits of the designation are strong But they're going to get a lot more competitive as more cities in california angle for this designation So please work with staff to maximize the amount of points that we can get because it's really important. Thank you Hello, my name is duane de witt. I'm a member of the sonoma county housing advocacy group Which has been in place for over 27 years advocating for affordable housing This is a nice aspirational document, but there are some inadequacies Congratulations to all the magnificent seven women that worked on it. There's all this good stuff going But as usual with a big document, there's some open spaces I'm very supportive and so is the hag Of these new opportunity development areas All of the new programs that are being put forward the community land trusts Specifically the downtown specific area specific plan is a really good thing And that's where a lot of this housing should go Thank you to mr. Chris rogers for his comments about east santa rosa It's really important to remember that el noca and the southeast greenway are large sites Which should have a lot of affordable housing put into them and that needs to be mentioned in these types of documents The idea of Going forward for pro housing designation is very nice The political will is what it usually takes and that's been the dilemma in the past As you'll look back through the documents You'll see we've never really had a problem providing housing for above moderate income That's always been able to happen And that's not a problem for the rich people to find a place to live Where the problem is is for the people who are below moderate income Extremely low income people specifically and that's where we need to really focus our efforts to make sure That we are housing these people and we're actually having actual units produced If you encourage housing encourage it for those who are the most vulnerable Extremely low income very low income low income Go right there build thousands upon thousands upon thousands of units because we shouldn't have any homeless people In this community, which is in one of the richest places in the united states of america There's billions of dollars in sonoma county. Let's make sure and house our people And then one thing that doesn't get mentioned much is it's passed over vacant units are at five percent So if we have 70,000 housing units think of those vacant units That's thousands upon thousands of housing units that should be in use There's now never enough time to go deeply into all this on what we need But the downtown area has been supposedly the focus for at least 30 years And that's where we need to go where the city owns properties And plans have already been put in place That sit on shelves for the white house property across from the post office things of that nature your parking lots, etc You can take the lead You can be the folks the new council the new mayor go for it Don't be bashful go out there and house people as the old people used to say bill bill build I say house house house. Let's go for helping those who are less unfortunate Bob harder will be followed by lauren fury I'm a name is bob harder 93 27 lakewood drive windsor I apologize in advance for My voice for some medical things i'm dealing with i'm here to speak in favor of your adoption of the general plan and the amendments And really want to address What I think you need to do to fight for Achieving it and to vent and to defend against Those who will try to sabotage it I've been working on cities anarosa county of sonoma town of windsor general plans and housing elements since the 1970s What they share in common? is Sincere belief to achieve their goals Which have gotten more challenging through the years as Properties more expensive etc what they also Share Is their failure to meet the goals? Generally speaking That's not new news But here's my thought on Why that has happened As shown in your slides and it's gotten worse i'll say through the years About half of our housing needs are for renters Who don't tend to rent 4,000 square foot homes at fountain grove? Most of our production has been the above moderate Generally 2,000 houses a year and 2,000 more affordable housing generally for renters What comes through the door as staff said? Has been continues to be i'll say except for hu fu trell single family homes And i've been in the development business a long time That's what i would build because i can build it Sell it and walk away from the place That's What single family home developers are in the business for like doing And most neighbors support So the two cautions i have is one Defend this Especially with regard to density and houses per unit Single family home neighborhoods don't want renters near them nimby Renters don't want high rise near them Then you get into splitting condominiums who are owners Don't want renters near them this rental owner sense and as you can see we're mostly renters So guard against their concerns which are legitimate and maybe more difficult for you now with districts And developers who come in and only want to build Lower density and will encourage you To forget about the higher density these lands are zoned sometimes and encourage you With neighbors support to Thank you Thank you Next will be lauren fury followed by evan wig Good evening council members and members of the public Generation housing's 2021 report found that sonoma county needs 58,000 new homes by 2030 With the lion's share of that need here in san aroza Our city is uniquely poised in the county to set ambitious housing goals We have undeveloped space within city limits sufficient infrastructure transit options including three smart stations And as a largely flat city we have the opportunity opportunity to create a safe efficient Bike and pedestrian network that spans the city and supports denser housing development The current housing element is an opportunity to lay the bedrock for achieving these ambitious housing goals I want to thank this council and especially the city's staff Who have put enormous effort into this housing element draft and for all the work done to engage our community In the development of the draft and the wider general plan effort I also want to implore both council and staff to make several critical changes to the housing element draft before adopting it So we don't miss this window to propel san aroza's future Into a new denser and more equitable direction One please consider eliminating the inclusionary housing requirements Research has shown that inclusionary housing disincentivizes new housing production in areas with high housing costs relative to rents San aroza has bay area costs, but not bay area rents Which makes the financial feasibility of new housing developments more challenging here than elsewhere Adding inclusionary requirements, which further reduce rental income on a property or add capital costs in the form of in lieu fees Makes the financing of new construction even more daunting We need new construction to be financially viable to increase the housing supply here in san aroza and make rents more affordable for everyone Beyond direct cost to new developments inclusionary housing burden city staff with the implementation and monitoring of small numbers of restricted affordable units spread across many different buildings as a 2021 press democrat article on the vineyard creek apartments exposed Monitoring and enforcement of current of current inclusionary units is already a significant challenge here in san aroza To uh, we recommend eliminating parking requirements throughout the city as other cities have already done and san aroza itself has already done in the downtown core Requirements that prioritize cars over people and other forms of transit is in direct conflict with the city's climate envision zero goals Three increased bike parking minimums to at least one secured bike parking spot per dwelling unit throughout the city Also develop and adopt minimum e bike e bike parking requirements for new construction Since this is an increasingly affordable and efficient way of moving through cities For aim for a higher pro housing designation score Since some funding programs are already ranking pro housing designation Pro housing designated cities including the new pro housing pilot incentive program In five ensure that the forthcoming transportation element is drafted in consultation with the san aroza bike and ped board. Thank you Evan wig followed by alexa forester Good evening everybody. My name is Evan wig. I'm a resident here in san san aroza Um, and I just first off want to thank the staff I've been able to have conversations with several of them over over the last year or so at meetings and by Number of events. So they've done incredibly responsive. So I really appreciate that and all the work that's been done to to really encourage development of housing and particularly affordable housing and a more livable community here in san aroza The one thing I wanted to really focus on today is We have different elements and obviously in order to tackle something like a general plan. It's incredibly complicated We can't do everything all at once. So we separate them out into elements My concern is that you you miss the opportunities for to really make sure that things are synthesized I also heard from the staff tonight, which was reassuring is that after this is Approved there is still opportunity to make sure that there are elements or are in concert And two things the two elements that i'm hoping Staff can really make sure are actually in concert is the housing elements And the transportation uh element to make sure that you know, you wouldn't you wouldn't allow for housing development without thinking Are there roads there? Are there stop signs there? Are are there driveways available, right? But we don't have that same thought about bicycle infrastructure We have what my request then is that As we develop this general plan in a larger sense that we're really thinking about connectivity And and not just you know, first we do the housing element and then we figure out You know where we want to put some bicycle paths But really think about housing where people are transportation where people live The ability if we're going to be allowing for housing in one area is there safe A transportation routes we heard earlier tonight a whole bunch of really concerned people about the safety of their children And I can tell you there's a number of places Throughout the the the city that it's just unsafe and the reason why people don't bike is they're they're nervous, right? And so how can we make the average person moms and children and just an average person? Not just like diehard bikers, right? Not like the biker game that we showed up here the night But like just normal everyday people to see that transport that you can actually live a life without parking requirements for development That's another point. So you've already heard that one But you can actually live a full And and sustainable life here in Santa Rosa without a car And that's going to require that density that that we're being we're working towards as part of this housing element But it's also going to require the transportation Infrastructure so I do hope that those things get in concert and the last thing I'm just going to throw in there is program h6 innovative and alternative housing I hope that that you guys dig a little further into that and not just sort of like consider the options of but for instance Making movable tiny homes to be considered a to use cooperative housing all those opportunities to really broaden your horizons about what can be Housing here in Santa Rosa. Thank you so much Alexa Forrester and then Gregory Fierin Hi, is this on Can you guys hear me? Okay. Hi, I'm Alexa Forrester I am a mother of a 15 year old and a just recently turned 12 year old And I'm a professor at the jc and those two lenses Have made me care about some things very deeply That I love and I'm bringing them here because I love this city so much that I'm spending Valentine's Day with my city So the things that I really care deeply about are the city's adopted vision zero safety goals I want my sons are spring lake middle students and in addition to the Student that's currently in the hospital still from being hit In the past two years students have been hit on bicycles spring lake middle students have been hit on bicycles as well and that motivated me and my husband and a number of our neighbors to collaborate to Form the campaign bikeable santa rosa and we've been very appreciative for the council's response to our Reaching out to you about that the other goal is equity goals Many of my students at the jc Struggled to complete college because of transportation issues and because of the lack of affordable housing For them and then of course climate goals because when you have kids and you think about what is Sonoma county going to look like 40 years from now is this going to be a safe place for them to live All of these things inform my vision for the future of santa rosa And there are a number of ways that those intersect with the general plan You know overall and then the housing element in particular So I just want to endorse everything that's been said by adrian and lauren and evan and other speakers tonight about The you know and the gratitude especially for the language justice component and making sure that everybody has access to this But I want to especially endorse the The removal of parking minimums across the city not just in the downtown core If you are requiring development developers to put parking minimums in their housing structures You are admitting defeat you are admitting that you have designed a city where they're it's impossible to live without a car I think people should have the right to drive their cars I think we should make it safe for them But you shouldn't force people to drive and you shouldn't force people to bear the costs of car infrastructure If they want to choose not to drive. I also want to just Advocate for what evan was saying about making sure that the housing element gets Integrated and worked Worked systemically with the transportation and circulation elements when those come before you Thanks for your time. Happy valentine's day Gregory fearon will be followed by christin keifer Gregory fearon I want to say this is Dreams Some part of me says it's a a fiction But I want to support it nevertheless with some exceptions It's clear and if you read it and I know you all have that Most of the low income and I mean Not $50,000 a year but folks making 30 and 20 and 10 will never Have any impact from anything you're doing in this book They are not going to get places to live in and you know it now The other thing I want to say is everything this guy said in front of the lectern here paul harder. I totally agree with Every single word he said is true And the third thing I want to point out is all of this comment about inlu fees and and uh, you know inclusionary zoning You wouldn't have the 5 000 units that burbank and midpen and eah and anybody else built without that funding I don't understand their perception that somehow The money for low income housing, which is what burbanks been trying to do Would fall from the sky somewhere It doesn't happen. They point to one source the bonds We've tried bonds and every time it comes up every time they put it on the ballot It has nothing to do with real low income housing Now because affordability is a huge stretch We've now gained over the last 20 years A lot of people who think they can't afford housing From the folks that we used to say we're down and out to everybody We are a community that has only a few people who can afford to have a home ownership And a whole lot of people who are struggling to just be renters Market it does not produce without pressure Anything for what I would call affordable and the only tool you have to get affordable Is to browbeat them into doing what we've done for the last 20 years Have those who pay more help pay for those who can't That's what it's all about. That's what your inclusionary and inlu fee is all about and god bless you for trial Because he's one of the few people who buys into that Thank you Kristen kiefer will be followed by cliff wingham Good evening mayor rogers and honorable members of city council and our city staff Thank you for hosting this public hearing tonight and for hearing all of our comments from the public I want to appreciate give time to appreciate all the work that has gone into this housing element update Although I do want to point out that there is still work that can be done to make these city policies more impactful I want to voice support for continuing programs That make development of ad use more flexible I will admit that from an outsider's perspective the convoluted process can be daunting and there can be more done to boost Those numbers of producing more ad use Especially on properties and historic preservation districts Specifically in the station area specific plan I would also like to support programs to relook at lot consolidation and small site development The opportunities for zoning code amendments will give opportunities for flexibility that can Increase the number of housing units that we have available to renters and homeowners I want to applaud the rate at which multifamily development has been approved by city staff And that has been in the process of being constructed Yet, I do notice that many of these developments are located on the outskirts of town Or outside the station area specific plan plan boundary This is concerning to me as this does not Align with city policies and goals to address climate change Reliance on private automobiles continues to be a strain on families in santa rosa And does not further goals and strategies to address climate change Look at More a lot has been written about the hidden cost of housing and owning a private automobile is on the top of the list Also, I am a cyclist and I want to continue being a cyclist and to feel safe that when I commute to work That is my decision For my health for my community To be a better steward of our community, but also I want to feel safe on our streets The bike paths are great, but there can be so much done by looking at the Bike and pedestrian advisory boards plans and advisory to this council I would also like to reevaluate Have this council and city staff reevaluate the fees and regulations regarding smaller developments or rehabilitation projects Uh permitting and impact fees are often impediments to creating different sizes of units and opportunities That fit into the missing middle or mid-sized projects that could provide anywhere From two to you know two to eight units on a smaller lot Uh, thank you again for this time, and I hope you have a great evening and consider making amendments before the approval Cliff wingham will be followed by thomas ells Hello, my name is cliff wingham I'm addressed new not only as the organizer of the gateway properties But also as one of the property owners in the roberts district. I bought my property in 2006 Six months later. It was rezoned from light industrial to tv r Uh 25 to 40 units per acre In 2016 I formed the gateway coalition uh to Help defeat the redwood gospel mission homeless project And at that time I organized the property owners to market the properties We had a developer interested in it, but the environmental issues came up We secured a grant from the epa through the count cdc of uh soma county And we did the environmentals which we completed november 20th 2020 Uh The city of san rosa rezoned our properties Six weeks later to the now unrealistic six point of floor area ratio I understand the housing element plan is uh To identify where housing can be built I had identified the gateway properties. It's 10 acres in total At 25 40 a good for 400 units of affordable workforce and market rate housing That's a reasonable density that can be built Anything over 40 units requires basically structured parking. I know there's no parking minimum But the reality is that 90 percent of the people in san rosa and soma county own cars Even if they take the bus They will own a car and no developer or financial institution will support development without parking of some kind The reduced parking would work if we were to put possibly 50 or 60 units to the acre with reduced parking Supporting things like studio apartments and double occupancy two bedroom apartments That would economically work and not require the structured parking The core density of downtown the density works because there's parking structures Uh, Santa south west does not have any parking structures south west is A depressed area that needs affordable housing Roberts is technically on the south side of highway 12, which puts it in southwest not as part of railroad square The homeless encampments has been a plague on the roberts district I organized the uh police and public works to clear the homeless Seven out of the last eight years Anyway, there's my spiel. I hope you read the letter. I sent you Thomas ells will be next and then anyone that hasn't checked in if you'd like to speak please make your way to the podium Thank you very much for the opportunity to speak Over the years i've come before the city council In order to speak about southeast greenway And that is great to save that property and use it as a parkland But the area to the north Is primarily rental property and uh should be up zoned for the For the future So that you can have infill there and even you know, um Redevelopment that would raise the height of those buildings have access to that park in that greenway and that's your safe access For bicycles and pedestrians and so on to the to the core of the city A good deal could be done there I think the point that i'm making is that i'm surprised. Well, i'm not surprised uh But i would ask you to consider zoning As a part of this housing element that you go forward with with amended zoning And uh zone changes because this is an amendment to the general plan So you don't have to stick with your existing general plan in the zoning that you have This is the opportunity for you to change Some of the zoning within the city Some consolidation of zoning particularly with regard to commercial type zones There's so many different kinds of commercial zones and everything that's very Very confusing Uh and in particular one aspect of that zoning is that The city approved for Up to 50 percent of housing to occupy Commercial property if it was in general commercial zones So the city approved that But the interpretation was that That must fall within a specific zone called commercial general Which is only about less than one-tenth Of the commercial property within the city. So it's very specific that general commercial means All commercial does not mean commercial general zoning under a specific zoning So I would look at that number one and then 50 percent of those Uh square footages could be converted to to housing But specifically also within this Particular housing element is you can utilize this for zone changing I would recommend that you Approve this later after you get those You know conditionally after you get zone changes because you can Have the approval of this For at the time of funding of the types of of uh housing that you're looking for So you can delay that and get your zoning changes if you want. Thank you If there are any additional speakers in the chambers, please make your way to the podium Seeing none we'll go ahead and turn it over to our zoom host to facilitate We do have uh some hands raised the first one will be uh margaret If you can unmute you are next followed by joshua Hello, can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you Okay, hi, it's margaret's amadio again with um legal aid of sonoma county I'm just calling to Um predominantly express support for the housing element plan Uh, I want to thank staff and planning for um giving our Seemingly a coalition we sent a letter around asking for additional time To analyze and respond to the housing element draft and they've been really accommodating And you know, we just we really appreciate that because our coalition group which is made up of a lot of different sectors Uh, we have been working really hard on analyzing all the housing element plans across the county um, and so, uh, we appreciate that and um, I just wanted to note that Uh legal aid had submitted a letter in december Um regarding some changes to the housing element draft primarily around fair housing and tenant protections Um, and I'll note program h 32 looks to be um the area that the the city will Look to when formulating policy around preventing displacement and senate protections So around that though, I would just encourage you to consider more specific language Um, you know, the housing element is supposed to be um have attainable and measurable Uh goals and specific Um, so when we're talking about, you know, it's kind of displacement and eviction protection You know, we know that the city funds, you know eviction defense and we appreciate that legal aid is the primary um non-profit that provides that free legal assistance to low income tenants Facing their loss of housing Um, and we encourage that to continue. Um, but you know Having that ability to have an attorney in court doesn't necessarily prevent the loss of housing because In the absence of local protections Closing um loopholes and state protections of tenants and there are several Uh, there's not much that there's not as much that we can do to keep people housed As we could if there was, you know, just cause eviction protections like pedaluma is adopting Um, like sonoma the city of sonoma has put into their housing element plan They've also put in, uh, a rent registry and rent stabilization in the city of sonoma They're the only jurisdiction in the county to do so and I would urge you to at least consider what what they're looking at Um, and then, you know, predominantly I would support the commons area of gen housing Uh, I don't disfavor the inclusionary housing policy. I think it was um, it's intended not as a solution to everything But as part of the solution And, you know, it was designed to address, um Zoning practices such as redlining Uh, and so it doesn't go Okay, we will now hear from, uh, joshua You can unmute yourself Um, great. Thanks so much. Can you hear me? Okay? Yes Um, uh, good evening. May rogers vice mayor mcdonald and council members and staff My name is josh shipper, and I am the director of special initiatives with, uh, generation housing Um, we we want to applaud the progress made on santa rosa's housing element With special thanks to director hartman and amy lyle and the planning team Um, cal weeks personally asked that I passed along his gratitude for your work Having worked with all of you over the past, uh, year as a part of the local housing element working group Um, we know it's not easy to look ahead a full eight years to think through what the housing inventory Will look like, uh, but this housing element does represent a commitment to create a policy context where where housing is more likely to be built Um We want to say that we think the plan is ambitious in several areas and we would just encourage you to see it as a guidepost Please be flexible and adapt to what is working As you've done with ad use And consider applying that to new types of housings such as smaller and affordable by design housing that Continue as you've heard tonight to be very difficult to develop in part because of the larger per unit size fees We think those creative policies can work for more than one type of housing Just two general comments Although the the housing element is a state mandated component of the general plan We really do encourage you to view it as adding more and not less power to city governments to build housing The state's many new policies are designed to help localities um Pivot from past and restrictive laws that you want the council have inherited but that no longer Truly match your climate needs or uh commitment to equitable housing and and the need to house workforce residents um Secondly part of that inheritance from the past includes a lot of dated ideas about the cost of new housing and especially the cost The cost-benefit terms of denser housing that simply Does not correspond with today's housing economy um And so for those of you who participated in our housing 101 day You saw how outdated our sense of land use revenues can be and how those perceptions continue to favor traditional emphasis on Low density housing, but today the per acre tax revenue generated by denser units far out outweighs those of single family um And yet we continue to collect fees on denser units when in reality it's single family homes who Do not generate the revenue down the road. So please consider these kinds of flexible approaches as as the housing The cycle gets started The housing element is long term for a reason because it asks you to revise and adapt But also because it allows you time to change broader ideas and perceptions about what housing is possible Thank you very much. Thank you. Thanks for your service and we appreciate you moving this forward Okay, we now Will have steven followed by chris Steve you cannot mute Thank you, uh, steve burtlebow. I chair of the transportation land use coalition And we are looking very carefully at the requirements of the Air resources board that we reduce driving At the rate of about five percent per year 25 percent reduction by 2030 and We appreciate the work that's being done on this. We hope that As you Move forward You listen to the people that are asking for reduction or elimination of parking minimums And that uh, we really look at the fact that Upcoming generations are less wedded to the car than We think we we like to think about them The There's a good deal of indication that People are waiting longer to get their driver's license They're relying on other forms of transportation, particularly e-bikes e-bikes are making it Able making us able to commute Five miles on a bicycle And be comfortable when we get to work Uh, we need we need to make our streets more comfortable and we need to Separate the cost of parking a car From the cost of renting a house or an apartment Um, unbundling the cost of parking Will Impress upon people the fact that you really don't need to have a car And you can live more economically without one So those are just some ideas about how we can proceed forward Thank you very much for what you're doing Hope to move this forward tonight. Thank you Uh, we will now have Chris if you can unmute yourself Hello Can you hear me? Yes Thanks so much just want to quickly echo The thanks for staff and council for all the hard work on this the consultants as well I've been paying increasingly close attention to the process And appreciate, you know, how hard it is to to keep making progress on this With the dizzying array of requirements from the state And of course all the the differing points of view from the community. So just really appreciate the effort I also want to underscore As others have that, you know, this is a visionary document and and should be a visionary document and I especially want to Join the chorus folks that are connecting the dots between housing transportation land use Obviously in the city and in the county broadly Transportation itself is a very significant land use issue And we do need much much denser development But in order for that to work and in order for it to create the city that we really want We need much more people friendly streets. So that's biking, but it's also pedestrian infrastructure I was struck by the the gentleman who You know emphasize that it's just not realistic to build without parking And of course, there's lots of examples of of where it is being done now Um, so I think we should not give in to that that inertia and that typical Point of view that we can't change. We should be visionary And we should bring the infrastructure into play to make that possible Um, I'll end it there, but just want to say thank you. I know that's that we'll get approved tonight And uh, also just really looking forward to working on the transportation elements to make sure this is a success There are no more Callers and there are no pre-recorded messages Thank you with no additional members of the public that are wishing to speak. We will now close the public hearing I'll bring it back to council for any final comments or questions council member rogers Thank you, mayor I didn't want to just make a couple of comments as well Mostly because we've seen sort of this interesting juxtaposition in the press Over a couple of different articles in the last few days One was the article that I think ran today that talked about this discussion that we are going to have And one was over the weekend an article that talked about More people leaving sonoma county than coming in And I've received a number of comments from folks who really were questioning Well, why do we continue to build housing if we have fewer people coming into the the community than we have leaving Uh, first of all, I think it's really important for us to continue to fight that narrative and push back And say that just because we have been historically under housed Particularly for the last decade doesn't mean that fewer people here is a good thing When we look at the demographics when we look at The fact that retired individuals in the community continue to grow And that the loss of individuals in the community are those who are the workforce or are younger I think it tells us why this process is so important There is not the ability for young people to get established in our community when you think of the metrics when you think of the life points Going to school meeting your significant other buying your first homes The things that root you in the community and allow you to live there Do not happen in santa rosa at the same rate as other places because the cost of living is so high And we heard from some businesses key site is a great example of their inability to find workers who are here Because people are leaving and the inability to attract workers who Councilmember o'crepki and I were just talking about issues that the city is having Where we find qualified people who look at the salary and say that's great That's so much more than i'm making elsewhere and then they look at the cost of living and they're like there's no way I can go there So I want to thank staff for this. I want to thank the community for showing up in support today And I really want to thank staff for not trying to take a An easy way out. We've been hearing stories of hillsboro and other communities that have Tried to game the system to actually build less housing or housing of a different type a more appropriate type I think our plan that's being put forward today is a plan that's realistic for our community that looks at The need in our community and tries to provide an appropriate response So I just want to thank everyone for their participation in it Are there any councilmember o'crepki Yeah, I just like to First reiterate what councilmember roger said and thank you to staff so much for all the work you've put into this Thank you for all the stakeholders in the community as well as all of you have given public comment and also remember that Um We hear everything you guys are saying and This isn't the only chance that you we're going to have to address any of your concerns Um, we do have our goal setting coming up That is a great opportunity for you to show up and talk about housing and what you want to see in housing um and To to councilmember roger's point of us talking earlier about uh recruitment Yeah, it's it's and being younger um living here and trying to buy a house. It's it's intimidating It's intimidating to try to move to santa rosa as a young person To start a career and start a family and we are very cognizant of that um as a whole council and um, so don't just because of uh, of If any changes aren't made tonight that you are happy with Does it mean that it's going unheard and that it won't be addressed at a later date or discuss at a later date? I want to assure everybody of that Are there any additional comments from council members or questions? All right Seeing none councilmember roger's if you would please make a motion All right, i'll put a resolution of the council of the city of santa rosa Adopting an addendum to the 2035 general plan environmental impact report for a general plan amendment to update the housing element Of the general plan for the period of 2023 to 2031 And i also heard and i'll wait for the reading of the text But then i also heard staff ask for a little bit of leeway in case they need to make minor tweaks Without having to come back through the full process. So i'll include that in my motion as well second All right, we have a motion from councilmember roger's in a second from councilmember okrepki Madam city clerk, can you please call the vote? Councilmember roger's Aye Councilmember okrepki. Aye councilmember fleming Aye Councilmember alvarez Aye Vice mayor mcdonald. Aye Mayor roger's. Aye The motion passes with six eyes with councilmember stapp absent I will also make a Motion approving the resolution of the council of the city of santa rosa Adopting a general plan amendment to update the housing element of the general plan for the period of 2023 to 2031 Including affirmatively furthering fair housing and compliance with state housing element law And authorizing staff to submit the adopted housing element to the california department of housing and community development For certification and wait for the reading of the text second I have a motion from councilmember roger's in a second from councilmember okrepki Madam city clerk, may you please call the vote? Councilmember roger's. Aye Councilmember okrepki. Aye councilmember fleming Councilmember alvarez Aye Vice mayor mcdonald. Aye Mayor roger's. Aye The motion passes with six eyes with councilmember stapp absent Again much thanks to our staff and also the stakeholders in the community and if I can add I think that we're all stakeholders in the community. So thank you very much for your participation In the hard work We'll be now moving to item 15 report items of 15.1. Madam city manager item 15.1 a resolution making Resolution making required findings and approving the hiring of jeffrey berke retired and newton as a temporary employee to serve as To serve part-time acting chief assistant city attorney for a period of a limited duration I will turn this over to city attorney gallagher sorry actually HR director amy reeve will be doing the presentation. Thank you Good evening. Madam mayor and members of the city council. I'm amy reeve the director of human resources And before you for consideration this evening is an item approving the hiring of jeffrey berke as a temporary employee And retired annuitant to serve as part-time acting chief assistant city attorney for a period of limited duration jeffrey berke retired from his position as the chief assistant city attorney on january 4th 2023 And the city is currently conducting an open recruitment for his replacement It is anticipated that the recruitment process could take between four and six months And there are critical issues and projects pending which will need to be addressed while the recruitment for a permanent replacement is ongoing Mr. Burke has this specialized knowledge and skills required to address those critical issues and projects To ensure a smooth transition and uninterrupted city operations It is recommended that mr. Burke be returned as a temporary employee to serve in the position of part-time acting chief assistant city attorney Until february 20th 2024 or until a replacement is appointed Mr. Burke is a cow purse retired annuitant and his employment is therefore governed by cow purse regulations The cow purse regulations allow a retired person to serve without reinstatement upon an interim appointment by the council To a position that's currently vacant during a recruitment period And deemed by the council to require specialized skills Or an emergency situation to prevent the stoppage of public business Pursuant to the cow purse government code section 7522.56 f1 Retirees shall not be eligible to begin work for a period of 180 days following the date of the retirement Unless the council does certify the nature of the appointment meets those requirements stated above And that the appointment is necessary to fill a critical need within that initial period The cow purse the cow purse regulations require that the appointment be of limited duration that it must have a beginning and an end date That the retiree will not work more than 960 hours each fiscal year And that the compensation must be within the existing hourly range for the chief assistant city attorney Additionally, a retiree shall not receive any benefit incentive Compensation in lieu of benefits or any other form of compensation Other than the hourly pay rate Finally it is recommended by the city attorney's office and the human resources department that the council Solution approved jeffrey burke to be hired as a temporary employee to the position of part-time acting chief assistant city attorney For a limited period from february 21st 2023 Through february 20th 2024 Or until the permanent full-time position is filled Whichever is sooner and to certify the appointment is necessary to fill the critical position of chief assistant city attorney With that i'll open it up for any questions Thank you so much for that presentation. Are there any questions from council? Seeing none here. Are there any Online seeing none there Who has this councilmember okrepti? I'll move a resolution of the city council of the city santa rosa Proving hiring of jeffrey burke as a temporary part-time employee Into the position of acting chief assistant city attorney for a limited duration from february 21st 2023 through february 20th 2024 or until the permanent position is filled and way further reading of the text I'll second but i Did we get the dates correct? And mayor we need to take public comment on this item also The the dates are correct from starting february 21st And we've made it for a year duration in the event that we have difficulties for the appointment So that is correct. And i'm sorry. Did I miss that you open the for public comment? You missed it because I didn't do it. Okay, thank you All right, so I think we have a motion by o'craftianna second by rogers But if we can go ahead and open public comment We are now taking public comment on item 15.1 if you're in the chambers Please go ahead and make your way to the podium if you are participating via zoom Please raise your hand if you are dialing in via telephone Please dial star nine to raise your hand. You'll have three minutes to comment and a timer will Alert you at the conclusion of that period I'm seeing no public comment in chambers. Do we have any zoom comment? Uh, no, we have no raised hands and no prerecorded comments Thank you so much. So we have a motion by councilmember o'crafti in a second by councilmember rogers Madam city clerk. Can you please call the vote? councilmember rogers I councilmember o'crafti I councilmember fleming I councilmember alvarez I Vice mayor mcdonald. I Mayor rogers. I The motion passes with six eyes with councilmember stapp absent Moving to item 17 written communications. We have none item 18 is our last public comment on non-agenda matters If you would like to make a comment and you are in the chamber Please make your way to the podium seeing None seeing no hands raised on zoom Are there any other comments Seeing none We will now go to our announcements And I just wanted to point out that we will be having some Local art in the chamber Throughout february So thank you very much to the students in our city that have Provided us with their art for february And happy black history month to all And I think that is all meeting adjourned. Thank you so much


The President of the United States. Well thank you all and let me welcome you all to the White House. You know I've been out of school for a little over 50 years now, but I still get nervous around so many principles. And I don't know why I should think of this story, except that it has to do with school and I know that, and teachers and I know also that it's very dangerous to ever try to tell stories to people of one profession, about their profession. But I'll take a chance anyway. It was the teacher that was trying to impress on her students, the children. Winter had come along and the cold season and all and she was trying to tell them how to, the need to avoid catching colds. And so she told a very heart-rending tale, which she said was about her one-time little brother. And she said that, told her little brother that, her class that she had this little brother and that he was a fun-loving little boy and he went out with his sled and he stayed out too long and he caught cold and that was pneumonia and three days later he was dead. And when she'd finished with the tail away, she told her there was just dead silence in the room. And she thought she'd really gotten to him and then a voice in the back said, where's his sled? Well, that isn't the attitude that I wanted our committee on excellence in education to take, but I did want them to approach their task with some hard-eyed realism. And you are by now well acquainted with the commission's findings. Two of our commission members are school principals because we wanted the important perspective that you here represent. You know the problems that our educational system faces. So many things have changed in our society from the structure of family life to drug abuse among our young that over time has begun affecting education. The principals and the teachers alone cannot correct these social ills any more than any single level of government can by itself improve the schools. But we can and we must build a new consensus among parents, teachers and students, principals and elected officials to bring about a renaissance in American education. Most of the attention is focused on the need to reward excellence. I can't imagine anything more discouraging for young teachers than to see a rigid salary scale laid out for the rest of their lives that ignores their efforts no matter how good they might be. I saw something interesting in the Washington Post several weeks ago. It was a story on how the Soviet leadership is considering ways to get the Soviet economy moving again. One proposal is to depart from the practice of paying Soviet citizens relatively equal wages, irrespective of job performance. Now if even Yuri Andropov and the Soviet bureaucracy are beginning to realize the need for merit pay, why can't certain segments of our own educational establishment? And there are many other things that we can do to improve our educational system that don't cost money. Secretary Bell tells me that research on what makes one school more effective than another has shown that challenging students through high standards and high expectations results in increased achievement. In other words, if we don't expect anything from our kids, why should they expect anything of themselves? And here of course I'm talking about adopting more rigorous academic standards. I'm talking about strengthening graduation requirements in terms of curriculum and reducing discipline problems by enforcing codes of student conduct. Before I go on I just have to tell, I made a call, a phone call, just a couple of weeks ago to a young man out in the Midwest, a great basketball star. He had suffered knee injury and that knee injury led to a lot of reassessment for him and he'd gone to Marva Collins in Chicago and he'd gone there to learn to read and write. He had been a basketball star for a couple of years in one of our fine universities. He was six feet five when he was in junior high and the coach suggested he start shooting some baskets but he got all the way through high school and there he was then in the university and he couldn't read or write. And when I talked, spoke to him. He wanted an education. He wasn't satisfied just being an athlete and he thought that and was trying to get one and so he went to this school and he sat there with fourth grade students and he told me, he said yes it was embarrassing but he said I have to hand it to him. He said the kids were wonderful. He said they helped me a great deal and I asked him what he was going to do and now he's going to try to get a college diploma now that he can read and write. But I'm also reading some interesting things about new textbooks that can do wonders with increasing math skills. I'm sure you've probably heard about that new math textbook. It's by a fellow named John Saxon that has average IQ students scoring above high IQ students and has Algebra I students who use this textbook doing better on tests than Algebra II students who use the traditional text. I believe some principals in Oklahoma and some other states have been involved in this experiment. So here's another area we could look into and all you have to do is simply replace the old books as they wear out with new books of this kind. But we simply can't tell the taxpayer that more funds are needed to improve quality when during the 20 year period between 1960 and 1980 spending on education was shooting up while the college board scores were going down. If a 600% increase which is what we had in spending in those 20 years couldn't make America smarter. What do we need? What we do need is a commitment to education and not just more money. Now that I have the commission's findings in hand I've been going around the country trying to keep the dialogue alive and I think we're making progress. In its report the commission calls upon you the principals to play a crucial leadership role in developing school and community support for its reforms. You're deeply dedicated to our children's education or you wouldn't be in the field that you are. And I have confidence that working together we can make the U.S. educational system what you want it to be. I believe we can make it meet your standards. And I wanted to meet with you today to tell you personally how much I respect what you're doing for the nation and to ask you to help me further in the debate. And I just can't leave. I told some of the type of students that you deal with many of you the future farmers of America from all over the United States are in Washington right now. And I was talking to them about their particular trade farming but it also has to do with that previous story I told about the Soviet Union. And I think I'm going to repeat it here. There's a little meat in it. The commissar went out to the farm, their state farm and stopped one of the workers and asked him how things were, any complaints and they said oh no sir no come never hurt anyone complain and he said how are the crops wonderful. What about the potato harvest? Oh he said the potatoes. He said comrade he said if we piled the potatoes up in one pile they would reach the foot of God. The commissar said this is the Soviet Union there is no God. He said that's alright there are no potatoes. No. No. Thank you for coming God bless you. Mr. President we know of your interest in quality education for the children and youth of this country and we appreciate it. We are especially appreciative of your efforts to put public education at the top of the national agenda and we appreciate it so much. This group here represents 170 of the finest elementary school principals in this country and 50 of the finest secondary school principals to be found anywhere and we appreciate your inviting us here today. Well I do feel close to them because I spent so much time in the principal.


What's up everyone? It's your girl, Kenzie here from Layton sports guards and I'm ripping new release 2022 panini impeccable football hobby three box full case break number 13 picker team got Anthony C Steelers Brian S bills Chad W Niners Charles K Washington Charles and bangles Chris S. Lions Cody W Jags Kurt S Ravens dash mere K Saints Dylan J Titans Deward B Patriots Edward P with the Cowboys and Cardinals Ezekiel M with the Bucks Falcons and Jets John P Seahawks Jonathan P Raiders Joshua B Chiefs Kenny T Chargers we've got Larry K with the Texans Macaulay T Colts Mitchell V Giants Nicholas H Vikings Nick C Panthers Robert R Bears Steven H Eagles Tim V Browns Tom G Packers Weiming H Broncos and Zachary S with the Rams. Good luck everyone. Get one more break after this with spots remaining and that is it for the daytime. We've got Browns Texans Jets and Bucks Browns Texans Jets and Bucks. Here we go. Good luck. Good luck everyone. Thanks again for filling up everything today. Appreciate all the support. We've got Travis ETN Jr. 35 is 75 Jags and Devonte Smith 15 out of 50 Eagles first hit up going to the Chiefs 19 out of 35. Michael Harmon Jr. Two color patch. Chiefs. We have Bucks. Nice extravagance. Patch auto two of 35 Devon White. Where you go Bucks on the four color patch. Six extravagance. We've got Lions Impressions 38 of 49 Amon Ross St. Brown. This one there for the Lions. One of the last teams taken. We were talking about them. Nice one of 99 RPA Amod Sauce Gardner. There you go Jets three colored patch auto. There you go Ezekiel. Nice hit. What's up Katelyn. How's it going? And what else did we say? We said the Jets are loaded with rookies in this class. Rookie landscape Jets Garrett Wilson 73 of 99. There you go Ezekiel. What a box. Back to back hits for you man. Congrats. Full mag. That one too. And last one of the first box. Dual Relic Auto 31 of 75 for the Bears. Vilas Jones Jr. Bears. All right. What a first box. Box two here. Get everyone just a few teams left in this next break. Browns, Texans, Jets and Bucks. What's up Donald. Having a good day so far. So far so good. How about yourself? Our gold bar. I hope that's a gold bar. We have our bar car. Save that for last. We've got Michael Thomas 19 of 25 for the Saints and Broncos Javante Williams 14 out of 75. We've got Bucks. Rookie Auto 35 of 49. Kate Otten. Buccaneers. We've got Eagles. Campus creations 18 of 49. AJ Brown. Doctor's appointment. Hope all went well with that. 40 Donald. 18 of 49. Oh this is sick. Vaunted Grades Acetate 14 of 50. Dan Marino for the Dolphins. That's sick. Nice one there Miami. That's really cool. Full mag this for you Miami. Dan the man Marino. We've got Saints. Chris Olave on the fire starter. 41 of 50. Wow. Let me check here for you. Yeah the OBS pro so we had to restart. Miami is. This is number 13. One second here. Hold on. It's out of order here. Hold on one second. My computer is active funny back here. 41 of 50. Chris Olave we're going to mag this one. How do I find a video for a specific card that was pulled recently? You would have to know what break it was in. When we pull big cards like that we typically put it in the title. So you can find it that way. We've got Cowboys on the Dual Relic Auto 12 out of 35. Jalen Tolbert. Jalen Tolbert for the Cowboys. Alright last box here. Last box. What card was it? A medium big card? Which one card? 101 Barnes Choice? Yeah that would definitely be labeled 101. I think Sam pulled that. What's today? Wednesday? Maybe Monday night? I think Monday. Here to sign up. What's up Pete? Alright last box here. Alright we've got Ryan Tannenhill 43 of 75. Gabe Davis on the gold 6 out of 10 for the bills. He's been looking good this year. And 2 out of 20 out of 50. Yeah I believe it was Monday. We've got Vikings. Rookie Otto 13 of 99. Lewisine. Lewisine. My bad. We've got Giants. Rookie Otto 71 of 75. K-Voluntipido. We've got Giants. We've got Redemption here. Let's slow roll it. Let's see let's see. Peckable Rookie Patch Autos card number 15 of Wandaille Robinson. Wandaille Robinson. That's going to be a Giants hit there on the Rookie Patch Autos. What do we have here? Patriots. Mack Jones Campus Creations. 15 out of 25. Here you go Patriots. That is DeWard B. Very nice hit. We'll mag this one for you. And last one we've got nice. Still Relic Otto 71 of 75. Saints Chris Olave. Saints doing well this break. New Orleans is Dashmere K. 2 Olave Autos. Very nice. Oh it was on 10 box Tuesday so it was Tuesday. It was Tuesday where you would find that break. Alright last one here. We've got the bar card on gold. We've got Colts Quad 23 of 25. Reggie Wayne, Jonathan Taylor, Marshall Falk and Peyton Manning. Wow. Some scuffs on this card you can kind of see there. We will send a box here with the Colts. That's sick. Through JT in there with the legends huh. Alright. That will do it for the break. Thanks again everyone. We've got number 14 coming right up.