Hi, my name is Andrew Varga with Razor Back Off Road and today we're going to be doing an install video on the Razor 1000 Expedition Rack. And we just came out with the Generation 2 for this year, so I'll dive right into what you need to do to begin your installation. So when you begin your installation, you're going to want to begin by putting on the mounting brackets for the sides. So you're going to want to remove these two bolts. So you're going to want to start with your side bracket, and this is going to mount right here. So you're going to want to first remove these two bolts. I'm using an impact. You can use a wrench or socket, whatever you have. I'm also using a box wrench on the backside. We provide extra hardware for the lower mounting bracket, so you shouldn't have to worry about that. So you may notice that when you take out these bolts, the roll cage will spring a little bit. I like to use an alignment pin that kind of helps at least get it started, so you can put it in there and then you can use the alignment pin to move the holes back into place. And at this stage, you want to make sure you just leave them loose because we're going to be putting on some more components and you just want to make sure you leave this loose in this step. So I'll explain these brackets a little bit. If you're wondering how to tell which side is which from the left to the right, it's based off of this bottom band right here. So this will actually rest right here on the back of the roll cage like this. If you'll notice this side, it won't fit or it will point the bracket the other way.  And if you'll notice on this bracket, it's got a full cutaway hole here and it has just a closed hole right here. So what you're going to do on the back is you're only going to loosen the top and you're going to take the bottom one completely out. And this does have a cutaway as well, so it will clear any of the aftermarket or market gas shocks in the back. So I'll go ahead and do that and I'm just taking my two fingers here and just holding. There's some nuts that are on the backside here and I'm just going to put my fingers there to hold them so they don't fall into your machine.  The reason why we did that is so you don't have to deal with all the spring on the roll cages here. So then you're just going to go ahead and slide your bracket in and install that bottom bolt. And on this one, you can go ahead and snug it down and hold it there. You may need to come back and tighten it later, but try to just make sure that this bottom bracket, just make sure that this part right here, this edge, is facing in line with the back tube here. So once you're done with that, next we're going to move to the top bracket and I'll show you that. So I'll go ahead and explain the upper brackets here. New for the generation two rack, we've included both the two-seater and the four-seater and I just kind of wanted to explain the little differences between the two. So the two-seater will be flat just like how it's shown here and it'll only have one bend on it. The four-seater and this is not powder coated so bear with me here, but I just wanted to kind of show the difference so you guys will know. In your kit, this will be powder coated black just like this, so don't worry. But for the four-seater bracket, you'll notice that it has two bends on here and it has holes on the side. So for the four-seater bracket, what the difference is is that the four-seater doesn't have this bracket up here. The roll cage comes down and they have two bolts that go through the tube up here and that's where this will go. It'll go right through the two bolts on the side going on the down tube right here. So with the two-seater model, this will kind of rest right on top of this bracket right here. So that's the difference between the two-seat and the four-seat. So for this demonstration, I'm going to move forward with the two-seat. So I'll kind of go over the hardware for the upper bracket. In the kit, you'll get a little bit longer bolt than are on the sides. These are 70 millimeter in length, so these ones will go up through the upper bracket like so. But before you do that, we've included these two aluminum spacers, so these will be in your kit and you only need these for the two-seat model. So these aluminum spacers go and they go right in between the webbing of this bracket and then this will slide through like so.  So you're going to go ahead and slide your spacer in there. You're going to slide your bolt in through the top and then it's going to come all the way through and then you're going to go ahead and put your nyloc nut on here and then there's another hole on the other side and you're going to do the same thing. So as you can see, you'll slide this in through the webbing right there. This will go through the top like so and all the way through. Then you're going to grab this and put it on there. You don't want to tighten this down all the way. You want to leave it a little bit loose. That way you have some room to work when you have to put the side on. So you can snug them down a little bit and all you're kind of trying to do is just break that nyloc. But you want it kind of loose because these do have slots on the top of them so they can be adjusted. Sometimes these cages aren't all the same so they vary a little bit but we put enough adjustment in there to account for that. So now we're going to go ahead and put on our side. So now we'll begin the installation of the side. This is what it'll look like. And the left side we have the bend pointed and you want the bend pointed towards the machine because this flange right here will match with that flange when we're all done. You should have six quarter inch bolts and nuts ready in your hand because this part you kind of need to be here the whole time for it. I'm just going to go ahead and put that there for now. So to begin what I typically will do is I'll hold the rack here and we're going to begin using the inner support bracket and we'll mount it to this first. This kind of just helps support the rack. Once you kind of get it started it makes it a little bit easier and you're going to put it in through the top holes of this it fits bracket that's on the rack. Like I said it's nice having the hardware handy. So you can kind of let that sit and grasp in it with your hand and now install on the lower bracket. So now you're going to go ahead and install the side to the upper bracket and that's why we kind of left the top loose a little bit is so that you can work this kind of into place. So we'll go ahead and do that. So once you're done putting all the bolts on to your side you're going to want a 3.16 socket or box wrench and you're going to also want a 7.16. So the bolt uses a 3.8 side and the nut will use a 7.16 size. And just to be clear you want to just make sure you tighten just the lower bracket and the upper bracket and then we're going to go through how to tighten this last. So go ahead and tighten those. I typically will start with the bottom and then I'll do the top last. You're going to repeat the same exact process for the other side and then we'll move into how you mount your tray after that. So go ahead and do that. So once you have both sides installed now we're going to go ahead and install the basket tray. So the basket tray will literally just rest right on top of these internal brackets. Like so. And the trick with when you put on the basket is that you want to make sure you align the sides with the angle of the basket tray. And you want to make sure you have about an eighth of an inch to a quarter of an inch gap in between the basket tray and this outer part of the tubing right here. So once you have the tray on there you're going to grab your hardware. You're going to use four quarter inch bolts per side. So eight quarter inch bolts total. And you're going to work on just trying to get the sides lined up with the tubing. And like I said leave about an eighth of an inch gap there.  That's up on the backside of the tray. You want to tighten those up first. So it'll pull the tray all the way up against that bracket. And then you're going to tighten the ones that are down here on the bottom of the tray. So you're going to go ahead and do that. Okay. Then you're going to tighten the bottoms. So once you have all those tightened you're going to repeat the process for the other side. So once you have all the bolts in place what I'm going to do is I'm going to check to make sure that I can at least move the tray over. And so as you can see as I'm pushing on here it's going to kind of self-center the rack for you. And then like I said you want to just make sure that you get it really close to aligning with that angle of the tray and you want to just make sure there is a little bit of a gap there. Like I said eighth of an inch to a quarter of an inch gap. And then once you have that that's right where you want to tighten down the tray too. So once you have all the bolts in place and you're happy with how the rack is aligning just make sure you go through and check all the bolts. And what I mean by that is you want to make sure you tighten the upper bracket. So tighten the upper bracket first and the lower bracket. And anything else that is attached to the rack. So you want to go through and tighten everything at this point. But I would start with the upper bracket first. That way it'll pull the rack into place nicely. So I do the upper bracket first, lower bracket, and then the inner bracket. And that's both the roll cage bolts and the inner bolts here on the side. So once you're done with that then we're going to go through on how to install the tailgate. So once you have everything tightened in place now you're going to go ahead and begin the installation of the tailgate. And to begin we're going to start with these are the hinge brackets that go on the rack. And they're going to be mounted underneath on the plate. Don't mount them on the weld side, weld them on the non-welded side. So that way that it's free and that these two brackets will be flush against each other. So we've got these 516 socket cap screws. And you're going to go ahead and put four of them in. And make sure you leave them loose. Because you want to be able to make the adjustment at the very end. You want to be able to adjust your tailgate. And that's going to help with the aligning of your tailgate. So you're going to go ahead and put the four bolts in there. And like I said just leave it loose. And you're going to repeat the same process for the one above it as well. So next you're going to want to install the tailgate latch plate. And as you can see it's got a rubber bumper right here. And it's got a tab right here. So the tailgate will slide right into there. And how you align this has this little rubber part sticking out there. You're going to want to put it right inside that hole. And then these two holes will go right on the slots. And align itself just like so. These flanges are pointed out. So that's kind of how you align it. And you're going to want to use two quarter inch bolts. Okay. And then you're going to put each one right in there. Okay. And then when you're done putting this on. You're going to want to leave it pretty loose. And what I mean by that is you want it not super sloppy. But you want it just to be able to kind of slide back and forth. And that will help with the adjustment on the tailgate. So once you have that on there. Now we're going to go ahead and move to the tailgate. So now we're going to talk about some of the things you need to do to the tailgate before you put it on the machine. We provide this T-pin and you can see it's spring loaded. And this is going to be installed right on this latch plate here. But before you put it in there you're going to want to take some Loctite. Some blue Loctite. Or red. And you want to apply a little bit on the threads. Okay. And once you have that you're going to go ahead and install this onto the tailgate. Okay. And once you're done tightening that. Now we can go ahead and take this over to install on the on the rack. When you go to install your tailgate you're going to want to have your hardware readily available. So we include a shoulder bolt two washers and this flange nylock. And to begin what I will do is I'll put the receiver plate. And I'll kind of put this inside of the bracket that we installed previous. And that kind of helps hold the tailgate in place. And it doesn't matter if you start with the upper or the lower. So the key here is you're going to want to start with your shoulder bolt. But you're going to want to washer in between the plates. So you want one washer in between all the plates. So you're going to put one washer in there and then you put the other one in there like so. And then you're going to push the bolt through. Okay. And you're going to install your nut on the bottom here. Okay. And then you're going to do the same process for the upper one. You're going to install your nut on there. Okay. And then you're going to go ahead and tighten them down. So once you have the bolts installed you're going to want to use a half inch wrench. And then you're going to want to use a three sixteenths Allen wrench. And you're going to go ahead and tighten these all the way down. Okay. So once those are installed now I'm going to go through the process on how to properly set your tailgate. So now that you have your tailgate attached to the machine. Now this step is pretty important because this is how you're going to align your tailgate. So you can see we left everything loose that way we can move it. And in this step what I want you to do is you're going to align it. And you're going to take a step back and you're just going to make sure that the tailgate is even with the sides. And once you're happy with how it looks on your machine. You're going to go ahead and tighten the inner bracket here. Okay. So once you have that snug now you're going to come over to the tailgate bracket side. And you're going to want to grab your quarter inch Allen wrench and your half inch drive. On here you're going to want to kind of come through and you're going to want to snug these down but not too tight. And I'll explain that in a minute. You're going to want to just get them tight enough to where it can kind of hold itself a little bit but you still can adjust it. That's kind of hard to explain but you'll see what I'm talking about in a minute. So you're going to kind of come through and tighten these down snug them just enough to where it can kind of hold itself. Okay. So once you have that step you're going to unhook the tailgate and see how it can kind of stand itself but I can still push it up. Push it up and it'll stay. So you're going to want to make sure that you kind of have it cheated up a little bit. And you want it to where when it settles it'll naturally settle right in the middle of this bracket. See how it just kind of naturally settles in there. So now once you have that in place you go ahead and tighten these down all the way. Tighten down all these all the way. And then once you're happy with that just check to make sure that it seats securely. And you may need to with the new bracket that we designed on these racks we have a rubber bumper on here. And so that's to help prevent the rattling on the tailgate. And so when you push it in if it doesn't go in you just kind of got to give it a nice little push. And they'll seat on there and it seats on there very securely. So once you have everything tightened down you're just going to go ahead and just make sure that everything shuts securely. And everything is good to go. And then the last step that you're going to do is you're going to install the gas shock onto the tailgate. You're going to go ahead and open the tailgate and gently rest it. So when you install the gas shock it's going to have these security pins on here. And you're going to want to rotate them and then they'll slide right out. And you're going to want to take both of them out and make sure you don't lose these. So you're going to do the same thing you're just going to rotate it and the pin will pop right out like that. So you notice that on the rack on the tray you have a pin sticking down right here and you have a pin on your tailgate. So this will literally pop right in. Put the larger end on the tray side and then you're going to take the pin that you just removed and you're going to install it. And it'll slide right in and then you clip it. Make sure that it's clipped. And then the shorter end on the tailgate side and you clip them in place. And then once you've had that go ahead and shut it. Make sure everything works and there you go. So that completes the installation for the Razer 1000 Expedition Rack. If you have any questions about fitment for your machine you can visit our website at razerbackoffroad.com. And if you have any questions please call us our phone number is also on our website. And be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram and catch any of the latest updates on there. We'll catch you next time.


Welcome to toffee TV. It is the ever news daily brought to you in association with the sofa score app Sean Dice has held his press conference ahead of Saturday's game against Manchester United at old traffic huge game Of course and last time ever more play for three weeks, which seems to just I don't know add some more pressure to it That there's gonna be games in between that and we're not playing Yeah, there's not we can do about that, but the manager was asked for a injury update No, I only continues to make progress not a yet Ganahabe and Likely but got a got a chance. I would say And a few knocks and bruises, but everyone should be alright bottom line is I guess you yeah, so there you go It's not too bad at the moment, you know a disorganic a obviously is the one we've probably missing a danjume should be back for after this this break from his ankle ligament injury so From that point of it's not it's not massively terrible, but you know, we know it's a it's a small squad anyway But we'll have to wait and see but there's been a lot of focus obviously in Recent weeks and months about the striker or striker situation Dominic Almond failing to score goals and having the worst XG in in the Premier League Beto coming last week obviously scored and the manager was asked whether he would ever consider bringing in a striker coach This is what he said. I Don't I don't necessarily I mean I'm for all coaching of all different types, you know, whatever whatever can work But different kind of coaches lots made now set piece coaches We haven't got one of them, but we seem to be doing pretty well at set pieces So, you know, I think our skill set from thousands of games as players and managers Can offer us the chance to work at both ends of the pitch, which we do so. Yeah, it's an interesting one, isn't it because? Why shouldn't the strikers have a dedicated coach for them? I know we say need to make a lot we make a lot of chances, but it's it's the scoring bit Isn't it that we have a problem with shown not them not necessarily the making bit It's a scoring bit and that's sort of what score a second coach would do this and you have coaches for goalkeepers Which is a specialised position will put the ball in the back of the net as a specialised position as well And that's think I think that's where it would make sense You know, you look at some like Duncan Fakes and When he was at the club and how many goals Dominic Almond scored and how he changed Dominic Almond's game And I'm not saying that it's it's related But having someone there with you day in and day out and understands your role because they played it Or have overlaid how to coach it more than any other position and ever And actually you start someone who came in on a part-time basis And maybe that's what they should look at doing again And that's not actually a slant on showing that you don't have his coaches He's just not straight none of the strikers and it you can look in all the books and you can take all that all the drills But it's about knowing isn't it about knowing how to do the job and yeah We are making chances, but we're not putting them in the back of the net and that's why we need a striking coach So I think it's something ever and should not only consider but actually do And obviously scoring goals leads to wins and Shawn Dice quite cheeky was asked About the statements he made when when he was the Bayley manager about ever not been into win games when we went to We went up there and lost 3-2 and we were we were winning the last time and Yeah, here's his thoughts on that No, that was it was another thing that gets a badly referenced and I made sure I spoke to Frank about it I was running so I'd been with teams like that. Sometimes it does feel like that Slightly different here because if we take the chances that we're producing, you know, you win games So it's a slightly different thing, but it is there was a theme there when you go Okay, sir. How do you win a game? Do you defend out? Do you attack it out? The way I've been playing we should be attacking it out and scoring goals and that that is a way of handling a game Because you put yourselves in front, of course, and then the whole dynamic change the mentality changes finding a way is Sometimes coaching the management sometimes it's on pitch. You know how the players feeling it what we do and find a way I think over this season. We've done that pretty well. I think we've managed games pretty well But it still is a factor and one in ten games So that's got a change and sometimes you do that by hook or crook Sometimes you do it by not playing well and you win a game So you want to do it by playing well and you want to do it by control and finding a way to win the game So I think there's a healthy balance to that for the players and for myself You know, what what is the right way of winning a game because wins change every win change the perception of everything You know people say we haven't done this. We haven't done that. Yeah, we have if you win People guys are really good performers. Last week was a great example against Worcester We're the one that to know everyone said yeah, I played really well really strong performers loads of chances scored two goals Because you don't win everyone because are they weren't doing this they weren't doing that That's football for you That's something that we have to accept is the non-reality of football and we have to look at the realities So back to your point about managing games about winning games. Yes, it can drive to drift a bit But more because you're anxious for that first win, you know, you're anxious for it We're showing signs of a winning side and not winning. So that's what we've got to take it on You know, it's not a mental thing. I think it's just like come on That's the detail of the devil is in the detail That's the bit where the way we've all got to change because we are doing the right things a lot of the time But winning is the thing that solves everything There you go. Good question and a decent answer to be fair to show and I share We'll see we'll see whenever we finally get that win that we've been waiting for in other news young Irish striker Mason Melia 16 year old from Saint Patrick's athletic has been linked to a move to Evan not just linked But apparently ever in pole position for the young striker ever not obviously trying to cut their cloth accordingly Bride bringing in there some top talent And yeah, if we could bring another one in you got anywhere near what what Jarrah Branthwaite has done then It would be a fantastic move. So that's one to look out for and continuing the Irish theme Hummel have today released a shamrock warm-up top It's a beautiful Green shirt there with nods to shameless Coleman's time at Everton with the number 23 in the shamrock So it is to celebrate his 15 years at the club just in time for Saint Patrick's Day on the 17 There is available now online. There is a link in our description Where if you click that link, we'll get a couple of a couple of pennies if you buy through that link Won't cost you anymore, but it'll it'll help us out as a channel And but if you want to physically buy it is available tomorrow in it both everton club shops So there you go. Lovely shirt a great idea and Shameless looks great in it. There you go. Thank you for watching the event news daily Don't forget to give this video like subscribe if you haven't already more great videos join is over on toffee TV Premier and don't forget to download the sofa score app. It is a fantastic app We use it on the ship on the channel and it really helps the channel out as well If you download it, it's free why not link is in the description. See you later


We could get all of the speakers back up. And if you have questions for the speakers or comments for the speakers, please find them at the bottom. I'm a little bit more excited to show that Wendy's arm wasn't a sling before the session started. So just to answer Les' question now that I thought about it more, I'd be happy with much lower sensitivity and much higher specificity. For incidental findings. Making an error with malignant hyperthermia is different than a hereditary cancer syndrome. And so you could, I agree you can set a threshold in, but they might be different for different conditions. Right, but I would say my main, the main point I was trying to make is I actually think for each gene on the list, there needs to be a guide. There needs to be a guide for the lab and there needs to be a guide for the clinician. I mean really that's, this is what the lab needs to look for or report and this is what the clinician should know. I mean really that's my main point. And Les, just to get to your point when there's a way to orthogonally confirm this, I think that changes the threshold. Yeah, hi, Robert Green from Boston. I might surprise you that I actually agree with almost everything that Sharon said. Although the notion that you can somehow pre-sage all of this and pre-plan it ahead of time for the individual patient is I think where this breaks down into untenable complexity. And so what I would urge is to think about is the difference between molecular diagnosis in the traditional genetic sense where there's phenotype first and then we go in and we make an actual diagnosis. And the notion of using genomic screening as a way of setting a first step prior probability that can then be contextualized with that individual through the traditional practice of medicine gathering other historical pieces of information focusing in on the physical exam. I think if you think about secondary or unanticipated findings as a diagnosis it is completely untenable to use them in unaffected individuals. The prior probability and the false positives are way too high. But if you think about them differently there's a way of directing the clinician's attention to refocus on the family history, to refocus on a particular part of the physical exam.  But that's the direction I think we're gonna have to go because I don't think we can put this genie back in the bottle. I don't think we can convince the world that it's too complicated for us to share this information back with them again. My only brief comment is from the cancer perspective it's very hard to contextualize. So if you have a woman who was adopted whatever doesn't have a family history cancer and she has an incidental finding in one of these genes you have now told her that she's gonna be having MRIs. Like until she gets cancer you won't know you can't contextualize it. So and that's the VHL that's the reason that comes up because of all of the screening those patients then undergo. So I do, I agree with you in principle I think it's hard to contextualize for many of those genes. And I do think part of what we're being judged on is what's the cost also associated with this downside. So the cost to the person in terms of the provider, the patient, the burden. But also, I mean we're also worried about third party payers and what they're looking at this. And I don't wanna shoot ourselves in the foot with what we want with the main issue in terms of why we're doing this to get distracted in terms of some of these other issues. So I completely agree Sharon with the notion that we need to create better resources to support labs in the interpretive process. And I think defining gene disease validity, what are the diseases these genes are associated with, what more direct support for how do you decide what's the true loss of function variant, all those things 100% behind that. But as you and I know well it does take time to get through this and it will take us, even if we prioritize it within ClinGen it will take several years probably. So in healthcare we're often faced with, you do the best with the knowledge you have and sometimes you go forward and then you realize you were wrong and you have to backtrack whether it's should we use hormone replacement therapy or not or things like that. So I do wanna push back and say, maybe we do need to recognize that we're not perfect with respect to positive predictive value and sensitivity but we need to sort of figure this out. And one of the things that I think Les has brought up in the future we've had offline discussions about is whether we should create a mandatory sort of database of the people who are getting incidental findings back and track what's happening not only with their phenotypes but with do these variants get reclassified. The example you actually showed with the 12 years the guy that lived with VHL that was not an incidental finding that was actually a diagnostic case. I would argue that the overinterpretation of variants is worse in diagnostic cases particularly variants interpreted a long time ago than it is in incidental findings today. I'm not saying it's perfect but you know we have to keep that in mind that there was a lot of you know oh he must have this disease he's affected and the variant must be pathogenic. So but to get back to my question should we create some sort of registry of individuals and make the labs who report these have to put this on the reports that you know and request that these individuals register and we can track what happens to them over time. It's just an idea that a lot of us have been discussing. I personally think we should have the registry I think the compliance with the registry is likely to be very low because of the diffuse you know nature in terms of who's getting these reports but absolutely. Yeah two brief comments one is I think that you know population based sequencing programs are going to be able to also help to answer some of the questions related to the contextualization so I think we'll have another way to try and answer that question but since payers were brought up I wanted to relate of an interesting experience we had when we went to our provider owned payer about coverage of exome sequencing for clinical when we actually presented the incidental finding things to our shock because we were prepared to prepare for the arguments about you know defending the reason for doing that because of cost they said this is a great added benefit. We really think this is a good thing because if this is something that can enhance the health of not only the individual but the family this is good. Now I seriously doubt that all payers are going to respond that way but I think we shouldn't necessarily go in assuming that everybody's going to look at this as a potential negative. I would like to ask the panel specifically Ian about where do you think the returning clearly pathogenic results to pediatric cases will be for a clearly adult onset diseases in about say five years when we have a lot more experience with this. Do you think we're going to go in the direction of returning those results or do you think we're going to be more historical and say no you can't have it we're going to trust the system to get that information at the right time to those people. Well if anyone knows basketball coming from Philadelphia and telling us to trust the system is a weighted topic but I think I mean my gut feeling is we should not be returning those results to pediatrics but in order to not do that there are so many layers to that. One if you know that information are you going to be obligated to return it or give the option to return it once that child is an adult. If it's impacting the parents which is the argument on the ACMG list is there a mechanism that can be put in place where any trio sequencing the parents are automatically given the option or I guess given the option nowadays to do those 59 gene lists and have a separate report that's not reflective of the child but with the caveat saying once your child is 18 they should consider doing them. So that involves that's really complex in terms of doing that kind of follow up and preserving health which is what the intent of many of this is but I think in pediatrics is very complicated and I think that's been argued in many different forms but I feel strongly that adult onset conditions should likely not be returned to the child with the best argument being that it could impact the parents currently and there should be different mechanisms put in place to respond to that rather than just returning the child's result. Sorry, I have a comment and a question. So with regard to the big discussion here in terms of the positive predictive value and so forth I think we have to think about the context in which this is applied and medicine in general and healthcare in general which is not precise. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to make things better and better and better and the anecdotes of getting it wrong are useful in terms of driving us to figure out what happened and how we can do better. I don't think they're useful to say that the entire system should be or dismantled and if you think about this in terms of prevention which primarily is what we're talking about with pre-symptomatic results is it starts to blend over into public health where a different kind of standard and a different approach is taken. So if I decide that I'm not gonna plant my crop in my wheat crop because there might be a few grass seeds in there I'm not doing myself a favor. So you have to think about that balance I think going forward. The question I had was a double question is why do you think it is that the pediatric things which us pediatric geneticists think are clearly actionable and should be here are less represented in that? And then I think actually you answered the other one about the BRCA example, yeah. Well, I just wanted to comment on your first comment. The reason we're bringing up these incident anecdotes is we have no idea what proportion of the patients it actually represents. This is also new. And I do think we have to have equally strong data because it is in the preventive field as to how much good you're going to do. That's not clear from the list. So just in general, many of the pediatric conditions although I would love to have nominations for more are symptomatic and so we were thinking most of those were gonna be in the diagnostic space and or as people have said on newborn screening already in terms of the things that have intervention but certainly if people can come up with other examples there's no reason to exclude them just because they affect kids. Okay, we're gonna have a short break here to grab some more coffee before we move on to cascade testing. If I can have Jim Evans, Kathy Lepic, Sharon Plon and Bob Wilden up in front for just a minute please.


The ruby red slippers have been found after being stolen from the Judy Garland Museum in Grand Rapids 13 years ago. Authorities have located the famous slippers worn in the Wizard of Oz reporter Rachel Johnson has more under the rainbow. Northeast ruby red slippers have finally been found.  Dreams do come true. There's no place like home. The slippers are in possession of the Federal Bureau of Investigation after disappearing 13 years ago in the middle of the night. A thief smashed a plexi last case resting in the gallery at the Judy Garland Museum and escaped with the slippers. No fingerprints were left behind. The burglar or burglars were in and out in a matter of no time. The alarm did not was not activated. It wasn't until the next morning when the museum had discovered the actual break in the theft of the ruby red slippers. The slippers were one of four known pairs worn by Judy Garland in the 1939 film. One of the other pairs is currently in the Smithsonian Museum. I'll get you my pretty. The break in the case came last summer when the Grand Rapids Police Department received a tip which led investigators to look outside the state of Minnesota leading to the FBI getting involved. Working very collaborative with our local partners in Grand Rapids we received a new tip and some information that we diligently pursued. Lots of interviews, several searches only to later lead this summer to the recovery of these slippers. After locating the slippers in Minneapolis investigators were able to match a single sequence that was left behind during the theft to the slippers confirming their identity. There's other identifying marks in the ruby red slippers that were obvious that these were the stolen slippers. Though the slippers have been found the investigation into who is responsible for the theft is still ongoing. Our hope today is that folks that are watching this if you know something about the theft something about where these slippers have been the last 13 years that you come forward and you share that with us. For the people of Grand Rapids after 13 years they can now be the sigh of relief. We're proud of our police department in Grand Rapids and and we're proud that they're proud that they hung in there for those 13 years and kept after it. These shoes do have sentimental value not only to the citizens of Grand Rapids but you know to the world. No they're more than just a pair of shoes, the slippers. They're an enduring symbol of the power of belief. The Judy Garland Museum is glad the slippers are safe and hope to display them in the future. There really is no place like home. Reporting from Grand Rapids, Rachel Johnson, Lakeland News. Anyone with additional information regarding the theft of the ruby slippers is encouraged to contact the FBI. If you enjoyed this segment of Lakeland News, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to Lakeland PBS.


DONG ENERGY! This is a wonderful place and again thanks for inviting us in. What do you guys do at DONG ENERGY? Well DONG ENERGY is the biggest power company in Denmark. We are a major producer of oil and gas and we're a leading developer of wind energy parks both here in Denmark but also in Scandinavia and the rest of the Nordic region. And the part of the company where I'm at is also responsible for the electric power grid in the greater Copenhagen area in Northern Zealand. Okay and how many employees do you guys have? We are just about 6,000 now. 6,000 and how many are here in Copenhagen? Well this office is quite new but it's around two and a half thousand I believe. And in fact the place we're sitting right now has only been here just for a few months right? It's only been here for a month yeah. Okay wonderful. Christian what is it like to work at DONG ENERGY? DONG ENERGY is, well I've only been here for just about four months now. But my first impressions have been great. It's been like an ambition being fulfilled for me. DONG ENERGY is a very dynamic place to work. A lot of things happening. Literally speaking it has a very, I guess in Danish we would say it has a high ceiling. There's a lot of space for ideas and to develop your own potential as well as developing the company in different directions. Now if we took a let's say a helicopter look at what you guys do and look at the energy industry all together. What's it like to work in that industry? Well for me it's been an ambition and a dream to actually work in this industry. The energy industry is probably, as I see it, one of the most important industries we have in our modern world. Everything needs energy and we have huge challenges in front of us in terms of becoming more sustainable, more green, which makes it an incredibly exciting and also important place to work. And I guess that's also one of the feelings that many people working in this industry have that they are actually working with something that is quite important for our society as a whole.  What type of businesses are you developing? Well I work with our energy distribution company trying to realize our vision of a smart grid. And this in a nutshell means that we actually have to become much better at understanding how consumers consume energy and what will actually make them interact better with the electric grid using power when it's there and using less power when there's less capacity in the grid. Which is, this is the smart grid? That's the smart grid and that requires figuring out which intensives the customers need to interact with us. When do you think we'll see a smart grid implemented in Denmark? Well, we hope that within the next 10 years we will realize a much smarter grid, a smart energy system that brings together the consumer with the energy company and in a better dialogue understanding how the consumers consume electricity.


All right, so it's really nice actually when it takes a while to quiet the crowd down because it's like a sign that you guys are actually talking, so that's I'm very excited about that. I'll do administrative stuff and then I'll be a writer. So if you haven't seen there's sign-ups on the whiteboard both for readings and talent night. The word talent is in its loosest interpretation. So you will see things that will leave scars for years afterwards. So if you have one of those kind of abilities, then you can feel free to also volunteer yourself. Okay, so I have a new book out now that I'm not going to read from, but I so this book is the evolution of Hilary Clinton and it's sort of an analysis of her and as you'll hear in the panel we're doing later in the residency on organizing a long work. I had to write that book basically in two weeks, which was a horrifying experience. You should never try, but it's possible. Anyway, so I have copies for sale, PayPal, credit card, check, cash. I will be selling them after the reading. Ask Dahl how good of a book it is. Dahl likes it. But what I'm going to read from tonight, I'm actually really happy that I reading after Hollis's wonderful seminar on writing disease because there's so much that connects to what she brought up. So the book that's coming out in the spring is a collection of essays called Pain Woman Takes Your Keys and it's about the experience of rheumatoid arthritis, but more than that, it's you know, it's an attempt as Hollis said to really get in slant at the experience of pain and I have done a couple memoirs and I wanted for this book to break away from narrative because I felt like narrative just doesn't, it didn't work for this subject matter.  So this, I'm going to read two pieces. And the first piece, again, also really coming from what Leah Purpurra was talking about last night, the question of what genre some of our pieces are. This you know, what it's classified as an essay and essay collection. If you look at it on the page, it looks to me either like a list or a poem, but so I'll let you decide. What pain wants? Pain wants you to put in earplugs because sounds are grating. Pain has something urgent to tell you, but forgets over and over again what it was. Pain tells you to put your laptop in the refrigerator. Pain runs into walls at 45 degree angles and ricochets back into the center of the room. Pain resents being personified or anthropomorphized. Pain is a four-dimensional person with fractal intelligence. Pain wants to be taken to an arts and crafts store. Pain likes to start big projects and not finish them. Pain wants to clean one countertop. Pain asks you to break itself up into neat square segments like a chocolate bar. Pain makes a hissing, popping hum like high-tension power lines. Pain has ambition, but is utterly unfocused. Pain will get its revenge if you ignore it, but sometimes forgets what it was angry about. Pain wants to watch a different channel than you do on TV. Pain looks at you with the inscrutable eyes and thin beak of an egress. Pain stubs out the cigarette of your to-do list. Pain will first try to do some things on that list, but will end up with socks on its antlers. Pain demands that you make eye contact with it and then sit utterly still. Pain folds the minutes into fascinating origami constructions with its long fingers. Pain leaves the meter running.  Pain will ask you to do this 307 times today. Pain does not mean any harm to you. Pain is frustrated that it is trapped in a body that is ill-fitting for its unfolded shape. Pain has been born in the wrong universe. Pain is wild with grief at the discomfort it causes. Pain wants to collect bottle caps to show you the serrated edges, which means something it cannot explain. Pain keeps pointing to serrated edges and scalloped patterns, but cannot explain how these will unlock it. Pain emphasizes that it is not a God, but then makes the symbol for neighbor over and over and you do not understand what it means. Pain puts its beaked head in its long-fingered wing hands in frustration and loneliness. Pain winks at you with its dot black eyes and tries to make the sign for I love you. Pain folds up its wings and legs and spindles quietly and blinks up at you when you say, I know. Pain understands that you cannot say I love you back, but that there is something bigger behind I love you that you do not have the words for. Pain also understands that the background to I love you is something like a highway. Pain licks at its hot spots like an ancient anxious dog. Pain, when held in place, spirals down into drill bits so it has to keep moving to prevent these punctures. Pain asks you to breathe deeply so it can zing about and not get caught on the edges and corners of calendars, books and electronic rectangles. Pain's favorite music is the steel drum and its favorite flavor is fig. Pain prefers any texture in which tiny seeds are embedded. Pain shakes its head. No, it says. That is you that likes that texture and will have nothing to do with spheres.  Pain and its kind have waited patiently for humans to evolve into the fourth dimension, but they are worried the project is failing. Pain feels as though Earth's gravity is as strong as Jupiter. Pain has something metallic in its bones and is captured by the core of our hot planet. Pain envies flesh and its soft strength and ease of movement. Pain inhabits curved soft bodies in hopes of fluid movement and then cries when it breaks them. Pain would like french fries and Netflix.  That's what you can do. Okay, so this one is not that weird. This is the title piece in the collection and it's called Pain Woman Takes Your Keys. And I wanted to read this one partially because it's about the interaction of pain and writing and voice. It would be helpful for us and we can talk about it after I read it. And actually, like a lot of the pieces in this book, this one was... A lot of the pieces in the essay collection were prompted by someone asking me to write something for something or other. And then I was just in pain and so I was like, oh, how can pain connect to this? So someone had asked me to write something for a blog and this is what happened. Writing delivers sheer absorption and physical confrontation with myself. I step into the cockpit, fueled by a beautiful morning bubble of caffeine. The glowing screen dares me and taunts me. Make something out of nothing.  Make it true, whatever it might be. Writing has been a solace for most pain in my life, partially because of the focus it requires. The focus of writing leads me to a kind of trance with the happy side effect of an almost complete separation from this mortal coil. I forget my body and my surroundings. As I've lately confronted more physical pain, the focus of writing often delivers an hour or two in which the ache in my bones are erased. I've enjoyed this physical numbness and there have been days when writing has been my only relief. But then there are other days when I'm simply not myself. Past that point, I inhabit a strange altered consciousness brought on by pain. Over the past few years, I began to worry that the fogginess and ache of autoimmune disease would destroy my writing. This would be a triple loss for me, shutting out something I do for my job, something I do for joy and something I do for escape. As I've done for years, I sit down every weekday morning and aim for my hour plus at the computer screen. Some days there's nothing there, but I go to the page even when nothing feels promising, just for the relief of playing with words. Some days in the last year, all I could make was a blog post. My writing voice on those days felt like it had far less energy, less scope. It seemed obvious. I was not a writer, but a woman who could in fact barely string sentences together. Writing with the submerged pain voice feels like using a pinhole camera instead of a wide angle lens. Last year, in such an altered pain state, I gave up on serious writing and wrote a blog post called The Shadow Syllabus, which was kind of a fugue state reflection on what I think about as an essayist and a human being when I write syllabi for my classes. I put the piece up on my blog and walked away from the computer, feeling a little bit defeated. This was all I could muster for the day, but I was practicing being kind to myself by doing a little and then stopping. To my shock, the post went viral, linked and shared by various educators around the world, cited and reblogged and so on. Then the next year when syllabi time rolls around for professors and teachers, my blog starts up again too. This has been wonderful but strange because the pain woman who wrote that post doesn't feel like the woman I know who has been writing with my hands for 20 years. The woman who tries so hard to build essays with complex and multi-layered sentences. Pain woman has a different voice. She's a kind of messianic confidence that I do not have in my normal writing or even in my normal living. And this is the most shocking thing. The me I know or have inhabited most of my life is so ready to apologize for my point of view. I come at my writing sideline, midwestern, nerd, female, post-bullying, still gun shy of ever saying something directly.  Pain woman has stuff to tell you and she has one minute to do so before she's too tired. Pain woman knows things. My non-pain voice searches for metaphors to entertain you. She aims to fascinate with far-reaching pretty solar system lava curly cues hiding behind constructions that might allow you to forget for a second that you are even looking at a woman at all. Pain woman takes your car keys and drives away. This emergence of a distinct second voice brought on by physical disability and medical issues raises several strange issues about writing for me. First, it confirms my long-held belief that the phrase we hear a lot, find your voice, is inaccurate and probably unhelpful. It implies that voice is sort of a needle in a haystack, an elusive entity that we have to catch and then put on. Actually, I think what's true is that we're swimming in our multiple voices and we have to listen to ourselves. This is tougher than a game of capture the flag, hard and painful, because to hear our voices we have to grapple with what we hear, which might be different than our idealized or hypercritical versions of ourselves. We all have multiple voices, I believe. What's strange is that, at least in my case, some of the voices remain completely submerged until other voices are sloughed away. I'm misdivided by the pain voice for reasons having to do with craft. If pain woman's writing is sometimes very powerful, as judged by reader responses on my blog, I wonder if I've been trying too hard or using the wrong muscles with what I've known of my writing voice. I know that my collection of voices includes academia woman, editorial pissed off woman, dreamy essayist fragment girl, and hasty punk rock girl. Have I been trying too hard with all of them? Or have I not yet found the way to be direct and only pain can strip away the artifice that is hiding me from myself on the page? Or maybe I have had to learn writing first in order to unlearn it and strip it down to pain woman when she's required. Maybe I built skills with my sentence weightlifting these past years, so that I could thread this needle of pain with a different voice when she was needed. Another lesson from this for me is the nagging idea that when I believe I'm at my best as a writer, I may not actually be at my best in terms of meeting reader needs. Sometimes I think I'm humming along making beautiful sentences. I might just be doing a shtick I've honed over time using one old routine when I could try others. Pain woman's emergence and her strange rhythm, her simple plotting confidence make me wonder how each writer's voices develop and morph and ferment and merge over time. Many spiritual paths include texts that deal with the ever-present concern of physical and mental irritation in life. So much of spiritual practice addresses ways to cope with pain, and some teachers exalt pain as the path itself, a scourge that somehow purifies the soul. But I don't think my pain is making me a better person. I think it is constantly destroying my concentration, and that for a writer is interesting. Ultimately, I think that the most interesting sentences come not where I think they will emerge. I find that revision is mostly about questioning my assumptions about whether something is working, whether I'm on a roll. So maybe the way pain woman works is that she is unable to access the routines and habits I've picked up, the automatic scripts of what I see as my style. She can find the shadows and scraps of them, but she has to use them to make something else. I don't know what I would have to say about any of this, but pain woman would say, take your own voice and destroy it, shatter it, and look at yourself in each of the glinting pieces. You have more options than the writerly self you think you should be writing through. Thank you. So we have time for a few questions if anybody has questions. Yeah, with my pain? Yeah. This is all like totally, it's a self-interested project. It's made it much easier to live with the pain. That was totally why I did the whole thing. It was driving me nuts, and I felt like it was some awful thing. You know, we were talking, Hollis mentioned, you know, there's a very famous, Susan Sontag has written very famous on, against illness is metaphor. And I also have found the opposite. Like I needed every freaking metaphor. I needed the whole carnival of metaphors because I just, it felt too blank. So I just decided, you know, is there a way to have, not fun with it, but I really, I did have fun. I read in my introduction to this book that this is the most fun I've had on a book, which seems really weird. But I did it because I needed a new relationship, yeah. Yeah, definitely, because I think like most people say, like anything else uncomfortable, it takes half as much energy, it takes half the energy to actually ignore it, right? Yeah. And you know what I mean? And you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean I feel like at least for this project, like the idea of an empty auditorium, what I really wanted to do was populate it with different visions of pain. I wanted to see, I wanted to see the characters, yeah. And I think especially for a nonfiction writer, even when we, I incorporated a lot of research about this, which was also helpful because it's helped me connect with the wider community of people who have chronic pain. And that's also definitely diminishes isolation, but the real engine for it was like, if I don't research into this, it would prevent me from doing other work. So you know, so it's important I think sometimes to write about the things that are actually really bugging us. Thank you. Yeah. I feel like it doesn't break space in my head anymore, any in my heart. Yeah. I really did. I mean I didn't even expect to and I didn't write it so that I didn't, I mean because the pain is not going to go away, right? But I feel a different relationship to it now, which I didn't expect because a lot of these essays are very, you know, they're research based or they're spiritual or they research, you know, the neurobiology of pain or pain in public health. But I think really like allowing myself to dwell in it. It, you know, exercised something. So now I can sort of think, oh, it's an essay topic. No, you already did that. Oh, how great. Okay, good.  I wasn't really in pain when I was writing that and I was really frustrated. But I like that piece because it's so, it's playful and ridiculous, you know, but it was sort of like, I mean we do, we think of pain as the scary, horrible nightmare and it is, but I just wanted to personify it really badly in non-threatening ways, you know.  So yeah, there was something about like listening to that emphatic voice. But yeah, as far as, you know, what that, what that would be classified with, I have no idea. I don't know if I would count it as an essay. I don't know. So I think about what's going on with the voices. Yeah. And it's kind of interesting because over the past few years you've been hearing a lot of people say, don't feel like you have to be bound to a specific genre. That's floating around a lot and then we're, you know, we're on four readings. So there's a lot of things about that. And once you, once you realize that, once you're working kind of, you know, in break apart those conceptions of how you think you have to write, how does that change your process when you're approaching a piece, now that you have all these new, and it seems like it would almost be a positive thing that presents all these new options to you? Yeah, I really, I mean, I've struggled with this. Even my first two books, I really struggled with the right voice. And in some ways I feel like that's really the key for figuring out the voice for each writing project. And sometimes you have to do a lot of writing before you actually figure what's the right voice.  Is it somewhat removed? Is it reflective? It can even be a mixture of those things. But so I guess, you know, the thing that I'm interested in now is, you know, is it possible to use more than one voice in a piece? I think I really, even though I told my students not to, I was really sort of hung up on the idea that there's an essayist voice and there's a memoir voice and I have to be sort of reflective and words-worthy and careful about, you know, my experiences when I'm describing them in an essay.  You know, so it was sort of the desperation of this particular challenge I was facing that led me think, like, could I write sometimes as desperately as I feel and not feel that I had to, like, pretty it up later? You know, that's a scary thing, sort of. You know, so I let myself do it in pieces because then we have the problem of at what point do you bowl the reader over, right? Or how do you make that both strong and approachable at a conversation? So it's like, it's still evolving for me to think about it, but I like the idea of experimenting with a really direct voice. Just like to do the revealing.  Those of you who are a fan of my husband, my husband's in there. You know, pretty much every element, I basically, like, when I started to see that I might have a book, I said, okay, well, what are the missing elements in my life? What are the ways that pain is hard or interesting? That I have not yet written about. So those were the remaining homework assignments to me and those were some of the hardest. But those assignments made me uncomfortable, but that was, I think, part of the liberation thing that I was, that Susan had asked about because those were the things I didn't even want to write about. So, you know, writing through some of that has helped me to reassess. But yeah. When you wrote this? Yeah, I've done a lot of recent reading and research and yeah, really fascinating stuff. Alright, well, let's see, I guess what we could do is we can continue to talk afterwards. I have books over there, I don't have the pain book yet, but I have the Hillary book if you're interested and we can chat more about pain and other fun things, so thank you. It is not too great of an exaggeration to say that Al Davis is one of the main reasons why I chose to continue down the path of writing. After my first residency at Enders, I found myself lost and indecisive. I'd enrolled in the Fairfield MFA program with little background in writing and for all the wrong reasons. I was fortunate enough to be paired up with Al as my mentor for my first semester. His outstanding attention to detail, deep commitment to my individual work, and acumen as both an instructor and a writer helped ignite in me the passion for writing and literature that is needed for any creative writing student. For helping give me a purpose and direction, I'm indescribably grateful. Al holds an MA from the University of Louisiana Lafayette and a doctorate from the University of Denver. Among other honors, he has earned two Fulbright awards to Indonesia and Slovenia. He's a professor in the MFA programs at our own Fairfield University and Minnesota State University at Moorhead. Al is also the senior editor at New Rivers Press, one of the most prestigious small presses in the country. He was hailed by Dorothy Allison as a voice that transports and sings following the 2000 release of his collection of short stories along with the owl. And his third collection, So Bravely Vegetative, won the Prize Americana for Fiction in 2010. It is my honor to introduce to you tonight Al Davis. Thank you, Sean. Thank all of you for being here. Sonia and Elizabeth and Bill wanted me to mention briefly that we'll once again be doing New Rivers Press and the Fairfield University MFA program will once again be collaborating on a book prize. We've done this three times before and any alumni or present student is eligible to submit a book link manuscript in any genre. And I think the deadline will be this fall. Maybe we'll make it November 1st. So November 1st will be the deadline. Details will be forthcoming. You'll get details from Sonia or Elizabeth or Bill or all three via email and so forth. And we're still figuring out who the finalist judge will be. In the past, the finalist judges were Charles Simic, the Pulitzer Prize winning poet and poet laureate of the United States at one point. Danny Shapiro, a wonderful writer in multiple genres and Richard Hoffman. And I don't know if any of the alumni who won any of those prizes are here tonight. No? Okay. But we've had three winners. The third book will come out this fall. And then this book would be, the deadline would be November 1st and then a year from now or thereabouts. Next summer we'd announce the winner I think. And then a year after that the book would come out. Last year to celebrate the 50th anniversary of New Rivers Press we put out a book called Paper Camera, a half century with New Rivers Press. It's like a press taking a selfie. Getting tons of people to write essays about the press. I'm just going to read you a blurb on the back of one of the editors who wrote. Paper Camera is a lens focused on the tenuous life of literary publishing. Bill Trusdale, who founded the press, who I knew and who started publishing a few years before me, sums up our start by saying we had no idea what we were getting into. Yet we persisted. New Rivers Press managed to survive a difficult transition from a founder driven press to a teaching press, which is what it now is at Minnesota State University. Paper Camera documents both those early days and the contemporary reincarnation of the publishing house and serves as a primer for those intrepid enough to follow us down this path. So keep your eyes and ears open and you'll be getting more information about the Fairfield University slash New Rivers Press book prize. Sometimes soon, later in the summer or early in the fall. And if you've got a book ready and you think it's appropriate for sending to a small press, by all means we look forward to reading your work. Thank you. Since I'm doing a seminar Tuesday, today's Sunday, I restrike the time here, on using objects in your stories to structure the stories to serve as a kind of fulcrum for the story and to figure out how to make the story work. I thought it would be logical to read a story where I do that. So I'm going to read from my second collection along with the owl, a story called Movement of Natural Light, which I haven't read before but I think it will. Work good when read aloud. It's also about a guy who's a lapsed Catholic so it's perfect for this family. Movement of Natural Light. John Bloor and his stepson, Hammer, bought the aquarium several months before they moved from California to the Chicago suburbs. They stocked it with dwarf angels, damselfish, clownfish and a large butterfly. A predatory creature, the clerk at the high tech pet store, told Bloor could be trouble. Bloor liked the risk factor, he told his wife, Phoebe, who stood over them as they assembled the tank.  John, she said skeptically, why now?  Why not when we get to Will Med? It's just something else to take apart. I'm very tired of taking things apart. It's just another breakable object to move. This is the time, you'll see why, he said, motioning her away. He did in fact have an answer to her question and it concerned Hammer, his stepson. He wanted him to be a normal child who ate hot dogs, played baseball and thought a lot about girls. And the aquarium was the first step, one initiated by Hammer. John, he had said that morning, rusting his stepfather from sleep. Let's go get my aquarium. You've been promising it for months. Hammer, old enough to decide he was a Buddhist, donated a rotunda stone figure to the aquarium. It was about the size of a large egg and the pygmy angel in particular took to it immediately, nibbling on it, keeping it clean of algae. Bloor, as a child, strictly a Catholic, now a nothing, chuckled indulgently. Buddha belongs in a fish tank, he said. He thought it was funny, Hammer didn't. When it happens, it happens in a flash, Hammer said, and added to enigmatically for Bloor's taste. Now the fish can nibble on the pearls that were his eyes. Phoebe liked the aquarium. Late in the evening she often sat in its light to the rest of the room dock, its coral shining, the symphony of sorrowful songs playing on the stereo. It's beautiful and sad at the same time, she said, sipping her nightcap, wearing a gown with a scalloped silk collar that Bloor liked to feel between his fingertips. Sometimes it looks like Disneyland, sometimes like Kubla Khan's Pleasure Dome. Pleasure Dome repeated Bloor, excuse me, he let the words roll around in his mouth, Disneyland. It's a miracle of rare device, Phoebe said, putting down her drink and leaning against Bloor, who stiffened a little before putting his arm around her and reaching for the collar. It's wonderful when we connect, isn't it? It happens so seldom. Connect, said Bloor, sipping his own drink and nodding as he stared into the tank. I'll pause whenever there's a space break. When we get to Will Matt, Bloor told her later, folding his Wall Street journal and tossing it beside the bed, I'd like to send him her to a real school, one with a baseball team. A baseball team?  She closed her book and tilted her head toward him as though to hear him better. A baseball team, a cafeteria that serves real meat. Bloor ticked off the items and stared at his stubby fingers. You know, regular stuff, great books, a yearbook, a high school ring, calculus, stuff he can use.  I'm just saying the boy has a spiritual foundation, Phoebe. Maybe now it's time to take him away from that yoga school. It's not a yoga school. It's an institute of personal transformation. Whatever, Bloor smirked. Look, no reason to call names. I'm not trying to fight or anything. I'm just making a sensible suggestion. He nodded sagely in his pajamas and stared at the star-patterned quilt. I just think he needs some real education. In her nightgown seductive and slinky, she stalked to the bathroom door and turned. Is there anything I do that you agree with? Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. Come here. I'll show you something I agree with. Bloor saw the expression on her face change. He raised his eyebrows and grinned boyishly. Hey, sorry I didn't mean that. I'm teasing. We're just failing to communicate here. That's all. She slammed the door. Our problem has nothing to do with failure. Her voice was muffled as though in the basin. Bloor counted to ten. He forced himself to his feet, pulled up his sagging pajamas and trudged to the closed door. There just isn't a big demand for yogis, is there, he said. That's the only point I'm making. Phoebe opened the door and stood there, alms crossed, steam still rising from the basin. There's always two stories, John. There's always your story. Even as the story of what's really going on. Bloor, whose first marriage had ended in muffled, irreconcilable anger, nodded and pulled up his pajamas again.  He and I connected. He said holding the pajamas in place with one hand. He launched into a negotiation strategy learned in business school. Phoebe relaxed a little, dropping her arms. Bloor reached out to her. I'm sorry, he said, and tried to kiss her.  Sometimes it's easier and wiser, he said, his fingers working her spine to walk away from an argument. Will you just do me one favor? His fingers dug in deep. Will you just think about what I said? Alright, she mumbled. After a few minutes she sighed. Satisfied, he told her about the angel fish talking to himself when her breathing deepened to the rhythm of sleep. In the morning, without his usual complaints, he drove hammer to the yoga school. You know, he said, in high school, I was a pitcher. I had a curve that nearly snapped off my arm at the elbow. I could be wild, but when I had control, I was something. They'd chased pitchers already in the dirt. When I was good, son, I was good. You hear what I'm saying? Loud and clear, hammer formed a steeple with long, thin fingers over what looked like a roll of hospital gauze. I don't believe in competition, he said. He pursed his lips, but I like the aquarium a lot. I just hope the tank is big enough. I'd hate to see that angel get eaten. He unwound the gauze and twined it around his head. Tell me, he said, did you ever go to church? Blower, a little startled by the question, glanced at his stepson who seemed quite curious. So he choked off an impatient, angry reply. Yeah, I used to go to church every Sunday. Holy days too. I was brought up Catholic. Did you pray? Pray? Blower said ruefully. Yeah, actually, all the time.  Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on my soul.  It didn't make me a better person, but it made me feel better. Why'd you stop? I don't know, he said, tersely. I got older, other things became more important. Blower had a scary feeling that took him back to the curtained confessional of his youth. So that the role of father and stepson was temporarily reversed. Blower was the penitent hammer, the father confessor.  No.  Would you ever try that with me? I think not, Blower said. If hammer is the father confessor, then that makes the fish the church and the aquarium the sacrament. Or maybe the aquarium is the church, he thought, and the ocean the sacrament. Blower played around with the notion vaguely remembering some scripture, something about fish, learned in Saturday morning catechism years ago. Hammer left it at that and Blower kept his thoughts to himself. The rest of the way to school, hammer tapped the dashboard and pointed out the neighborhood's power points. Places where a jogger could stop and breathe green healing energy. You had a jog every afternoon and run. It would strengthen your resolve and improve your spirits. My resolve is just fine, thank you. Blower smiled at the thought of himself jogging, his punch jiggling like a pot roast. He'd break to a stop at the school, a low slung building without windows. The novice yogis, turbines wrapped tight, were meditating stone faced on the front lawn. Son, it's all chemicals. We're pieces of meat, dead meat, unless we're careful. That's what I believe, so keep control, yeah, but throw a few curves along the way. Throw them in the dirt, keep people guessing. That's really a depressing thing to say, Dad. Hammer opened the door, look at it this way, he said. Dusty, unconditioned air rushed into the car. We do what our karma demands. He closed the door and was shielded from any possible reply. Phoebe and Hammer moved to a wheel mat several weeks ahead of Blower. He called each day. Did the fish survive the journey? Did the stress trigger any aggression in the large damsel? What about those bottom-dwelling gobies? The clownfish. Hammer reassured him on all counts, but Phoebe couldn't take him seriously. You identify with that clownfish, don't you, she said, laughing. Makes sense. And as for the stress, we've got two of them in therapy, they're coming along very nicely, thank you. Blower was furious at her bantering tone and gave her strict instructions concerning the care and feeding of the fish. She and Hammer would be strictly responsible for their nurturing until he got to the new house. Yes, sir, she said. Any other commands, Your Highness? She poked his Mercedes at O'Hare Airport. His plane landed in an afternoon shower. He claimed his car and reached his new house after a long drive down moist suburban avenues. The trim was the color of the ocean, he thought. From the moment he climbed aboard the plane, he had daydreamed of his arrival. A wife waiting in the drive, a son on summer vacation with lots of time for his father and the splendid piece of the aquarium. At the front entranceway, Phoebe was unbraiding her hair and introducing Hammer to their new neighbor. John, you're late, she said, flirtatious. Dappled by leaves and playful sunlight, she was beautiful. And Blower, rubbing his five o'clock shadow, asked himself an awkward question. Why am I aging so much faster than my wife? I'm not late, just bewildered, he said, glancing at the new neighbor's curb where bags of garbage had accumulated like sacks of leaves. The neighbor, a lean and hungry-looking Ron West, held out his hand and laughed. The garbage collectors are on strike, I'm afraid. In fact, one of our quick-tempered citizens ran over two of them while they were picketing. Phoebe stretched in her skimpy summer blouse. It's tempting, West said, his blue eyes sparkling to solve problems like that in a flash. Hammer studied the neighbor with interest, Blower noticed. He felt a little flustered, diminished again by that odd feeling of being possessed by his childhood. He could swear that West had maliciously glanced at his waist and eyed his wife. You've got some spit on your chin, he said to West. West, goggle-eyed, stared at him. Beg your pardon, spittle, Blower said, as stripping down your chin. He pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to his neighbor. West left quickly, his face flushed, and Phoebe was quietly furious. Blower followed her to the couch, scowling intense and as angular as a piece of modern sculpture, he thought. She sat facing the aquarium. A lemon-peel angel flickered against the glass, alternately visible and invisible in the movement of natural light. I'm sorry, Blower said. I don't know what got into me. I was just testing his sense of humor. He doesn't have one, does he?  Tell me, John, did you win that one or not? He sat beside her and cracked his knuckles and stared at his hands. To be honest, he said, looking up at her, noticing a golden teardrop earring. I don't know how to keep you happy anymore. I felt like he was making fun of me. Oh, come on. He was being friendly, that's all. Friendly to you, yes. Her glance was slanted, at least once removed from the room. You're getting on better with hammer, she said, and pleased about that. Let's just settle for that for the time being. She stared at him for what seemed like a full minute. Blower could hear the clock ticking. I've talked to him about attending a traditional school. He's willing to give it a try, especially since the alternatives up here are limited. God damn it, we both agreed to come here, didn't we? Now you bring it up and throw it in my face? Who's throwing anything in your face? Phoebe pursed her lips and shook her head in exasperation. Then her mouth tilted down as though she might cry. I don't understand the first thing about your moods and you sure as hell don't seem to know much about mine.  Blower stared into the aquarium then turned to her. What do you see in me anyway? Phoebe thought about his question. There's a lot to see in you, John. She murmured something softly to herself as though escaping from the tension of the moment into a song instead of a cigarette. There's also a hell of a lot to put up with. I just wish you could let yourself go sometimes and admit how much you don't know. You take care of me but you never ask for help. I don't think I've ever heard you ask for help. Her head twitched, an acute angle of sunlight broken to fiery blossom in her hair. Look, I'm sorry too. Maybe I overreacted. I'm never happy for long. It's part of my nature. I told you that when I met you. West, the neighbor, was a residential designer who worked at home. He began to take coffee with Phoebe. Blower would sometimes drive up and find them huddled at the table, the curling steam of the coffee between them. Did you know Ron designed our house, Phoebe said? She was wearing a white turtleneck with blue dots and Blower imagined that each dot was a fish. He wanted to tell his wife that she was living this afternoon in a world full of fish. But it was a flirtatious thing to say and Blower did not want to say it in front of the architect. He wanted to take his wife to the aquarium and make love to her in its glow. It would be a small reconciliation and put to rest the recent tension between them. But it couldn't happen because the damned architect was at his house. Was that so? He said facing west, a childless widower. Is that why I can never find clean cows in this house? He smiled, his muscles opening into the habitual lines that served him so well where he worked. No, just kidding Ron. How long have you been at designing, I mean? Years now, John. I like to work at home. He told Blower about reality meditation. After I lost my wife I was devastated as you might imagine. It was a form of therapy someone from the Baha'i House of Worship taught me. Don't think, open yourself to the world. Watch the lotus blossom or the angels on the head of a pin or the fish in your aquarium, whatever. Whatever turns you on. Let the good things settle. Let the junk float to the surface and wash away. Look, leave the aquarium out of it, Blower said. Any junk in that aquarium is supposed to be there. It was a sore spot, because in fact the water in the tank didn't look right. It was sort of muddy, a little cloudy all the time. And Blower had taken to brooding about the fish, constantly checking water temperature and studying the ultraviolet sterilizer. No offense, man, he added, glancing at Phoebe. None taking, John. West said, he studied Blower over the rim of his tilted cup. We have a group. Come join us sometime and see what you think. It might help. Blower put out his hands, one wrist crossed over the other as though he expected to be tied up. Have mercy, he said. Anything but that. One of the dwarfs died that year, and after a time the pygmy angels seldom ventured away from the stone Buddha. It would hover under one elbow, now thickly covered with algae. Blower continued to drive Hammer to school. It's the size of the tank, Dad. Hammer argued earnestly in the spring and produced from memory some statistics he had scared up while visiting the Shad Aquarium. I respect that opinion, son, but to my mind the tank is plenty large. The mini reef system provides lots of hiding places and lots of algae and the sterilizer controls bacterial troublemakers.  It took a small act of will, but he refrained from leaning on the horn in deference to his stepson. No, it's not the tank. It's not maintenance, and it's not neglect. There's some unseen stress somewhere in the system. At a red light Hammer pointed across a wide expanse of lawn. Ron designed that place, Dad. It has mandalas on the floor, a spiral jetty instead of a back porch, and a gazebo wrapped in plastic. A spiral jetty, Blower said. Dad, what about salt content? Hammer adjusted the straps on his backpack, preparing to disembark as his father pulled to the curb. Have you been monitoring that? Blower snapped his fingers. You might have hit it. It's always something obvious we forget, isn't it? Something we should have known all along. I'll go back home and check it out. He touched his stepson on the arm.  Freudian slip, Hammer smiled. Don't expect too much. I'm no ball player. It's just a gym class. The salt content was okay in the aquarium, but a night blooming serious next to the tank looked on its last legs. Blower moved it to the other side of the room and stood for a minute by the drawn drapes, taking in the musty silence. The house seemed unusually quiet, and Blower, feeling the onset of an anxiety attack, was tempted to kneel before the tank and scratch against its glass. Instead, he went looking for Phoebe in the bedroom. She wasn't there and his anxiety increased, but he found her in the kitchen and his panic subsided a little. Her hair disheveled, still in her flannel robe, she was scrubbing the sink. That's work, you said. You should save for the maid. She jumped.   Go to one of your personal growth seminars, right in your journal. That's very tactful, John. She rubbed her forehead. Look, I know we're supposed to have drinks at the Bernards, but I think I'm going to pass. Ron's group is meeting tonight. You sure you don't want to come? She often blowered an aggravated, tight smile and exasperated tilt of her hands. If I go just to please you, we could be on our way to a divorce. A divorce, Bloor said, genuinely surprised. Where the hell did that come from? Women. He tilted his head comically toward the heavens and grin, but Phoebe was having none of it. She was staring at him. She sighed audibly. Listen, Bloor continued, his voice earnest now. I want to make you happy. That's my first priority. He paused and cracked his knuckles because he knew it irritated her. But if we ever do split up, I want hammer. What do you mean you want him? He's not even your kid. He is indeed my son. Get real, John. Get real.  Do you mind if I ask you a question? Are you diddling with West? Diddling. She dropped a wire brush into the sink where it glanced with a dull click against the drain. Because Ron was a woman.  Maybe so. Damn right I would. Still facing the wall, Bloor considered the question more seriously. It's not the same, he finally said. Why not? She raised her hands in capitulation. Never mind. Of course you're right. Have you ever been wrong? She started chewing on a fingernail. If whom is where the hot is, maybe I don't have a hot anymore. She paused. Or maybe we don't have a whom, John. You do what you have to do. I'll do what I have to do. When the two things connect and we'll do something together. You think that might happen anytime soon, John? Because there's something in you hiding from me and it won't come out. Do you think you might ever let me see what it is? Whatever it is? Let's go look at the fish, Bloor said. We can talk there. She stared at him so intensely that he decided to study the baseboard. I feel sick, she said. I think I have a fever. Bloor fell far away from whom on the lake on water skis no longer attached. He went to the party alone that night, flirted outrageously and woke long before dawn with night sweats. Half drunk after dreaming of a woman just beyond his reach. He stared wildly around the curtain room, drowning for long seconds in amnesia. When he realized Phoebe wasn't whom yet, he looked in on Hammer, who was asleep. A copy of the book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, propped open on the bed. Wind chimes thin copper wafers tied together with fishing line. Hormonized like a host of tiny voices in the steady rush of air from an air-conditioning vent. Bloor poured himself a drink and stared at the fish tank. The coral was still shining, breathing the water and the open sea clownfish upon a centred that seemed never to sleep, was dawning from shining coral, its usual habitat, to algae green Buddha. The pygmy angel was motionless belly up. It was floating transfigured in the aquarium's bright surface glare as though it had spent the last of its material being in the presence of Buddha and spiritual truth. Bloor had a tingling in his ankle and his left wrist, a ringing in his ears. He measured his pulse and took a few deep breaths. Each time he looked at the fish, it was still dead. There was something about mixing invertebrates with angels in a single tank that he had to think about. There was something inhospitable in the aquarium, some mystery that had to be fathomed before he could sleep.  For just a moment, getting giddy, he thought of swallowing the angel fish. The impulse passed, however, and he flushed the fish without a benediction and doused his face in the sink for a long time. The sound of water splashing on porcelain was reassuring, but his lids were heavy like lead sinkers and he felt a bit stupefied. He wanted to suspend the laws of chemistry and shrink himself to the size of an angel so that he could fit under Buddha's elbow in the aquarium. At the aquarium, Hammer was sitting in the lotus position as close to the tank as he could reasonably get. His breathing was very deep as though he was still asleep. When he turned with bright eyes and motioned silently, Bloor knelt on the geometrical parquet and lowered his head.  The floor was a dizzy patchwork, he now saw, some sort of mandolin. Bloor cupped his hands together. The boy, his eyes closed, hummed under his breath. It sounded like a double bass. Have mercy on me, Bloor said, closing his own eyes. He dredged up the words from some thirty years ago, finding the Jesus prayer again as if emerging from a bout of amnesia. The prayer in those language days had been his daily penance. He raised his head self-consciously to see if Hammer was paying attention to him as he prayed. The boy's eyes were still closed, his face filled with artificial light and a deep humming sound still emerging prenaturally from some place inside him. Have mercy on me, Bloor said. Lord, have mercy, have mercy on me. He repeated the words over and over as if his life depended upon them as if he was still uncertain about who he was and what his place in the world might be. In a trance, his head buzzing, he continued to pray, his eyes open. He stared into the aquarium. The clownfish was taking over the territory vacated when the angel went belly up. Apparently contented with its new fate, it was nibbling at Buddha's algae-covered eyes, but the butterfly, hungry-looking, was swimming in ever smaller circles, moving in for the kill. Thank you. Thank you very much. If there are any questions at all, by all means ask them. I'll also sign books over in the usual place and we can talk there if you'd like. Okay, thank you. So just as a reminder, our book store is open so you can buy books. I will sign. And then at, what is it, is it 8.15 or 8.30? 8.15, we've got Talent Night and it's in St. Michael's B. I'm sorry? Student reading. Right, Talent Night tomorrow, I'm so excited about that I thought. Alright, so see you there.