This week's episode is sponsored by Change. Change is an online mentoring program that teaches people with no experience how to create a real profitable online business and e-commerce. I have been working with Ryan at Change for a few years now and attended many events and got to meet the amazing community of like-minded people. These guys are the best of the best. The support these guys offer is personal, no bots or employees. There's no experience needed but like anything in life it takes time as it's a real business with real results. For more information go check out Ryan on Instagram at RyanGybe and he will guide you through the steps to help build a successful business. You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live. I've been most frazzled but I'm all good now. Yeah, wondering whether it's like Scottish weather 24-7. Is it cold in Scotland as well? It's actually not been too bad. We actually had a decent little summer. A decent summer for us is like three four weeks of sun. We had that now. It's coming into winter we believe. But psychologists everywhere, TikTok, Instagram, kind of giving life advice, relationship advice. For me personally I believe everybody can have different levels of trying to make themselves happy whether that's making money being successful but I believe it comes down to the most important thing. Everybody tries to find a life-long partner. I feel as if you can find that. I feel as if life becomes easier. But in this day and age it's become more difficult which we'll get into all that. I've seen all your videos, very interesting, very controversial which I love. I just had no intention to be controversial. I didn't know that common sense was so triggering but apparently it is. I feel like everybody's so triggered by what I say which I always thought was common sense but now I'm starting to realise that it's not so common. So I'm guessing now yeah I'm controversial but I don't mean to be, it's an accident. As it brings numbers, it brings attention. Whatever you're doing it's working. Praise be to God. Before we get into everything I always like to go back to the start of my guests.  I grew up in London with my parents. I grew up just outside West London and I was always just a studious good kid really. I was just a really studious good kid. Very strict upbringing, Pakistani, Muslim, all of that stuff. So I was kind of, I think one of the things that people, why it's so controversial but I don't see it as controversial is because I grew up in London with everybody who was English but I had a Muslim upbringing. So I had to think differently to everybody around me. I was raised to think the opposite of everything I'm being taught in school and everyone I'm around. So while they would have boyfriends and while they would go out and why they would drink a bit and stuff I was never allowed to do all of those things. So I had such a dissonance between what I've been raised as and what I'm around so I just had to form my own opinion on everything. So I just started forming my own opinion on everything to kind of make peace of these two worlds and then I just started studying psychology, became a psychology teacher. I did that for a long time in London and Dubai, was getting a little bit bored of it so I decided to go into therapy instead because it was coming naturally to me anyway. I did that for a while, I didn't think anything of it but then my mum encouraged me to start putting it online and I only started about a year or so ago and posted a few things online and it's just now we're here. What was your parents like in terms of just upbringing? Very strict. Even now when I go back to London, I'm a grown woman and I still have a curfew at home by 10. Very much like what are you doing, what time are you going to be home this on the other whenever I'm with them? It's their role so my dad is very strict. Mum is a bit easier, she's a bit softer but they're still very strict and the rules are very like if you're going to go online which I was never really allowed to do when I was younger but as I got older they said it's fine but it's still like you can't show any skin, can't talk about anything personal or anything provocative even though I do, sometimes I'll talk about pornography and all this stuff but even then I do have to run it past them and just make sure that they don't get offended and they don't get upset but usually they're supportive. How was it in the kind of Western society? It's drink, it's drugs, it's anger, it's on its streets at 12 and 13. It's just, it's kind of backwards thinking. The Muslim side of things that I think is great, I'm probably more going to side of Muslim. Religion for me, I believe it's all a game for me personally, I don't want to offend them, I feel as if it's a coin, I feel as if it's dividing everybody. Too many gods, too many religions but for the Muslim side of it for me, I don't drink, I don't take drugs, I'm not eating bacon. Pretty much a Muslim. I love those strong beliefs, you talk about your dad giving you a curfew, how about doing the same with my daughter? My partner can't believe I have a curfew at this age and he's like, how does your dad do it? And I think it's just, when you have a belief in God, you kind of trust authority a bit as well because you trust that though, it's in line with what your beliefs are, you assume it's for your own interests but one thing I would say about having religion and growing up with religion, all of the rules that are dictated in the Testaments or in the Quran or whatever it is, they're good for your soul. They're really good for you as being a psychologist and I think doctors come across this as well. Everything that's forbidden in religion is actually counterproductive for your mental health anyway.  So in the process of becoming a psychologist, it made me more religious. It made me realise why God is so strict because he knows if he strayed from these rules, you will suffer in the form of either mental health or physical unhealth. Did you see, see when you seen other people at school and stuff, did you see the destruction it was causing or did you feel as if you were missing something? I was lucky in the sense that I never, I never craved the things I was, I was quite lucky that I didn't crave it because I thought it was sinful. So because I thought it was sinful, I never craved it. I felt isolated, I felt left out but I couldn't understand how sex would be enjoyable when you're so young. It just sounds so painful and I couldn't understand how, you know, like I've never tried alcohol but when I see adults become all a bit like disorientated, I just wonder how does a 12 year old cope with that? So I just wonder like how do they function when they're exposed to so much pleasure, so young? I always wonder what that does to them but they all mellow it out. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I've noticed that they all mellow out and they're fine, the experiment but it was just scary to me as an adult. I think it does, I think it makes you psychotic. I was watching porn from probably 9, 10. Yeah. I used to get a free viewer channel at 12 at night and it's, it's crazy how you get into that drinking from 12 when I fried this at the night and now I look at the friends who agree with who are doing that stuff, not many of them are here. Yeah, they took it too far. Yeah, and I don't know when to stop because they're craving that external stuff consistently and it burns out the brain, it burns out mentally, physically or spiritually or whatever it is, I just, I don't understand why we're so messed up but then when you look at those sort of things you can kind of see why people struggle because doing that for 10, 20, 30 years and then people say they're going to change. Yeah.  You don't like growing up exposed to all of that. What do you think is the most dangerous thing? Do you think it's porn, alcohol or sex? I think if you open the door to one, I think they'll come flooding in. Yeah, all of them pretty much. Yeah, I think they're on the same level. You can have a sex addiction, gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, any addiction for me is always the same whether it's overeating, under eating, exercise. You can have health field sessions I believe but the best addiction probably to have is probably fitness, I believe with the natural chemicals and whether it's yoga or something, you can have a natural addiction of a beautiful life with being consistent with something but if it's a negative alcohol eating, gambling, sex, it's so bad and if you go down, really look into it, you look at the sexual energy exchange, you look at the soul ties, it's powerful stuff. People used to call me crazy but I feel as if the more I speak about it the more people look into it and then kind of understand that and go, wait a minute, he's doing all that because it's scary to say this isn't normal. I used to sit around in pubs and at parties and I think, oh these motherfuckers are crazy. I was crazy, I just knew that it wasn't right. I never had the strength to admit it wasn't right.  Is there a way to just step out of that zone or do you have to get involved? No, you get involved. You have to get involved, right? No one's strong enough because we feel as if it's a sense of bullying but I was never the one to get pressured, I was the one pressuring. Oh you were that guy. I was a leader. Right. If you were in my company we're all getting fucked up and that's where and it's crazy because I used to think that was cool. I used to think the loudest man, he's cool, he's crazy, he doesn't really care but that's the ones who do care, that's the ones who are the most broken and now I can walk into a place and I know who's struggling. I see it, I feel it, I don't know, I talk about energies and vibes and I just feel you ain't in a good place. I wouldn't say that, I don't want to hurt anybody but if somebody comes to me, I'm very, people gravitate towards me to tell me their problems Yeah. Does it come natural to you? I think so now because I believe I'm in a better frequency of vibration or whatever people call it, I feel as if I can help people more but I'm still a working progress myself.   Yeah, nobody knows. Nope, I've interviewed homeless men to billionaires, I'm in a good place myself and nobody's ever got it figured out. Yeah, nobody's got it figured out. No one, no matter how much money or how much success is there, I've seen people with nothing who are happier than people who have got millions so I feel as if we can be chasing the wrong thing but for me, nobody's got it figured out. I thought stop them drinking.  Where do you find your happiness now?  So it's like a contradiction. I know my family knowing me.  Yeah, it's hard, they're getting harder. Yeah, so but like I say, it's to find the balance but I don't know, I just feel as if nobody has it figured out. You can talk a good game, I can talk a good game like we spoke earlier.  Yeah, James was saying how like anybody on social media has some level of mental health problems because nobody would sign up to this level of scrutiny if you weren't already traumatized some way, shape or form. I agree, I agree, I would say it for myself as well. I just have, I feel like I had very productive trauma that kind of forced me to have very thick skin. Not trauma as in like anything extreme but just like very harsh parenting and very harsh relationship with siblings and stuff. So it was very, it's very effortless for me to receive so much hate. It does nothing, it doesn't penetrate in any way, shape or form. If anything, I get uncomfortable when people give me so many compliments and that's where the imposter syndrome kicks in because I just don't understand where I'm getting all these compliments from. But when you give me hate, that's my comfort zone, which is why I have no problem saying what I need to say in order to establish truth. Why did you get into psychology? I think it was my own issues. I couldn't understand why I was so insecure. I was, I had nothing to be insecure about like praise be to God, I was healthier, I had my family and I was so deeply insecure. And then I think I was just trying to figure myself out. And in the process of trying to figure myself, I ended up figuring out a lot of women because we all suffer from the same pathologies, which is those insecurities and relationships. So I think in the process of self discovery, I managed to create a career, but it was genuinely trying to figure out why I'm so crazy. How long did it take you to figure that out? I think you get tested in your first relationship. I think you don't realize you're crazy. A lot of people think that they're so secure and so confident. And they're like, I'm great. I love myself. I'm so great. But the moment they fall in love, all of their anxieties are brought to the forefront. And I think that's what happens. I think when the moment you fall in love, you realize that everything that you thought you had, you know, figured out, you're now nervous or anxious or distance or pulling away, you're doing things that aren't constructive to the relationship and you don't know why. And I think that's when the penny drops for a lot of people. Why is that? So when I'm single, my life goes amazing. You'll see that I'm in great shape. You'll see I'm calm. You see I have no worries. As soon as I'm in a relationship, the vulnerability kicks in. I was very good at cutting people off after three months. I actually get passed three months last year, a few months ago. It felt good. I felt as if I broke down some barriers. But the thing about going into a relationship, it brings up a lot of unwanted trauma that you've never dealt with. We can put it to the side. We can not talk about it. We feel as if we're great, single. Everything's going great and I'm ready for a relationship. As soon as you're in that relationship again, if you've not healed, you're fucked. And so how long can you last now in a relationship? Well, I lasted a year there. Oh, well done. But I feel as if I learnt a lot again. And what is a common reason in your relationship to end? I ended everyone first. After three months, the fear of being abandoned, the fear of rejection, the fear of not feeling good enough. I still feel that no matter how. So will you become distant or will you get clingy? This episode is sponsored by Fireaway Pizza, the fastest growing pizza company in the UK with over 150 stores. With their fresh quality ingredients and unique pizzas, they will have you coming back for more. Use code james20 for 20% off. That's james20 for 20% off. I can be both. Yeah. I love the obsession. I love the craziness. Give me that mad love. Yeah. Give me that. I'll do anything for you. But then what happens is I feel as if that fizzles as well because nothing lasts forever. Yeah. Relationships, you could be 20 stone. Your girlfriend could be 15 stones. It could be perfect. She's eating a lot. But if one starts exercising and going to the gym, that energy doesn't match anymore. Yeah. Well, people who have been traumatised, what happens particularly with men is the moment it gets too intimate and it's no longer like butterflies, but it's now actual intimacy and connection, they start to find the flaws in their partner just to pull away. So everything is going well. But as they start to get more committed, they start to find the flaws and get more critical and then abandon their partner before their partner can abandon them.  So a lot of men go through that kind of separating quickly, abandoning them quickly. Do you want to fix that? Yeah. It's hard to fix. It's one of those things. It's a natural instinct. Do you almost, even sexually, you start desiring them less because you're getting too close to them. Whereas a one night time person, you can have all the energy, but it's somebody you actually love and care about. You start to desire them less and less. It's a way of detaching yourself before you get too close. Yeah. What I've realised is communication is key for me. Yeah. I wear my heart and my sleeve as well.  What do you think you need your woman to understand if she wants to try and love you? I'm a very complicated man. I come with a lot of baggage as well, but I also come with a lot of boundaries. I know what I bring to the table. But is it boundaries or self-sabotage? There's a spine line. It could be both. Yeah. Because boundaries is what we put up to kind of teach people how to love us. Like a boundary might be, I don't like to eat as simple as I don't eat while watching TV. It's teaching people how to love you. Whereas self-sabotage is not telling them anything, watching them. And as soon as they do something wrong, you get rid of them. Could be both. I just feel as if relationships in this day and age, social medias and everybody craving attention. I feel as if it's slipping. I feel as if it's hard to connect, especially not drinking either. Everybody plays a good game for three months. The mask slips.  And then you tend to see it. And I'm very good at reading people. It's harder because I think, unfortunately, healthy people, the people that are actually good at relationships, they disappear. They get married by the time they're 28, 29 years old. So the pool of people that are left as you get older tend to be people who are a little bit less able and less able to have the skills that you need for a long-lasting relationship. What do you think, Mardi? It's a commitment and duty to the bond you've assigned by God or by law or whatever it is. But it's a commitment and duty to the assignment of being connected to each other, not necessarily to the person itself, which is kind of different to what most people would say and being in love forever. For me, I don't really see or especially in my belief system, it's not just about being in love with the person forever. It's about having a duty towards the connection that you created in the home that you created forever, if you can. When you talk about relationships, were you never, your first relationship was never arranged marriage? It was. My parents used to introduce us all the time. How does that work? They introduce you to somebody's family. They come over to your house. You kind of talk and get to know each other a little bit. Then it's kind of like your dad will supervise while you talk to each other. Then you might talk outside of the relationship. If it works, great. If it doesn't, no worries. I do agree. At the time, I used to resist it. I'm like, this is so embarrassing. Why am I going to do this? Blah, blah, blah. But now looking back, I think it's actually a really good idea because they left me to my own devices and now you don't want to leave me to my own devices. Trust me, I'm a car wreck. But when they were in charge, it was actually quite good because they choose people from a similar background to yourself. What happens is parents will always select somebody that they have similarities to. What happens when two people get together, if they've got similar upbringing, they'll be somewhat compatible. Even if they're like across the world, they'll have somewhat compatible. Whereas two completely different upbringings, it makes it harder to connect only because one might be really traumatized, one might be really secure, one might have different set of morals and values. When the love fizzles, the values are the only thing that keep you connected and that's why I think arranged marriages tend to work. But that's the root, I should find it. So were you married? No, they introduced, yeah. So when did you start looking into yourself when the insecurities, when did you start going deep? I think it was when, okay, so I would have really good, nice, good people always around me and I would have nothing, no connection to anybody. And I just found it so easy to just stay away from everybody and anybody. I would just not feel like anything inside me. And I knew on paper, this person's perfect. And I know on paper, I want to just settle down and do all of that.  But there was a disconnect. And then it made me realize that there's something in me that's not accepting love, what's going on. And I tried to dig and I think it's just low self-esteem. It was at the time. How did you work on that? It's still a work in process. It's still always there. But I think with low self-esteem, what happens with low self-esteem is you go on to do self-sabotaging behaviors.  So what happens with the low self-esteem, you end up doing bad decisions. And those bad decisions make your life worse.  What's it all about? As in? Relationships. What is it all about? Your own opinion. Because we all see it differently. People are happy single, people are happy married, people are happy. Different girls are different men every night. People are happy making porn, those people are happy doing only fans. But in your opinion, what is it about? I think if you can find somebody that you create a shared meaning and purpose with, whether that's through working together, whether it's through children, whether it's through family, whether it's some shared meaning and purpose together, that is an important meaning and purpose to both of you. Then you can find that's the purpose of the relationship. If you can't find that between the two of you, you'll drift apart eventually. So I just think it's something along those lines. I know that's a bit of a not very sexy answer, but unfortunately I think that's what it is. Why do you think a lot of relationships and marriages are breaking down now more than ever? Values.  So we're valuing a lot of external things like money, looks, anything that outside of a person's actual being is what we're starting to value. We're not valuing anybody's actual nature or the things that bring you genuine happiness and closeness. We're not valuing that anymore. So when that external factor fades, the connection fades and then the marriage disappears. The scary times I think for people, I think a lot of people think the world's overpopulised, but it's actually not. The numbers are going down. And also the homosexuality is another cause of why relationships are less and less big. And I attribute a lot of it to pornography, but I think just being spoiled for choice in general just makes it harder to find one person and stick to that forever. How damaging is porn for men and female, but it's majority of men who watch it? I don't think there's anything more damaging in society at the moment than pornography and the ease of access of pornography. The amount of 28-year-old, 29-year-old men that come to me because they have impotency, they literally can't get an erection.  And her partner can't climax because he's addicted to pornography.  So unfortunately what porn does is it creates a category of men that are unable to perform in the real world. They can't perform and they think they can. They think they've got all these skills and tools because they're so cool and they watch all this. But there is nothing more unsexy to a woman than a man who watches a lot of pornography. There's nothing more dissatisfying. Every woman I've spoken to that has dealt with a man that watches a lot of pornography. She says it's the worst intimate experience she's ever had because it literally creates a robot out of a man. It makes a man think he has to reenact these skills that he's learned. Plus he can't climax because he's been overstimulated. Plus he doesn't know what intimacy and connection looks like. He has no clue how to make love, which is what women are always seeking.  It's crazy, man. Yeah. I know many people who have interviewed enough people with who do only fans, male and female and make porn. I would never have my kids doing it. I wouldn't want my kids doing it. I would never go with anybody who'd done it. But it's each to their own. They're doing their thing and the thing is that it's high demand. People are paying for it. The men are paying for it. So they wouldn't do it. If you don't have a watch, they wouldn't be doing it. And men, let's say, what is it? One further versions now when people are looking for communication, they're looking to feel as if they're part of something. They've got a girlfriend and they're milking them for it. Yeah. And I think one thing that's underspoken about is like the actual relationships that only fans girls have. I have a lot of clients that are only fans girls. And one thing they'll find is when you do only fans as a woman, the type of man you attract is a man that's addicted to pornography. The average man who's traditional doesn't watch a lot of porn and has like kind of is still a bit old school, won't be long-term relationship with an only fans girl. The only guy that's so into that and would be so interested is a guy who's also grown up in pornography and he's normalized women that are so hypersexual. So she ends up with a man who is not very masculine. He can't climax. He wants more and more. He needs three senses. So her insecurities go through the roof. She's online getting people are paying for her when our own boyfriend, she can walk around naked in front of him. He doesn't even show a reaction. So she actually comes out of it very, very depressed from what her boyfriend's like. Like I've interviewed porn stars in the 40s and the 50s and you can see the damage. You can see it in their eyes or soul or whatever it is.  I'm not here to shoot them down. It's not what I do, but I interview a young girl who's only fans and she says she'll do it five years, 10 years, but it's why do you find it so hard for them to get out once they're in it? It's unbelievable about money for a lot of them and a lot of them, not all of them, but for a lot of them. Also the man that they're with is usually a pimp. And what I mean by that is he's a pseudo pimp in the sense that the girls I know that have an only fans, their man can't keep up with the money that they make. Just can't. He can't make 50 grand a month. He just can't do it. So what ends up happening is he becomes a bit of a bum. Yeah. He becomes less and less motivated and he disrespects her money. He'll use her money to pay for the rent, her money gets paid for the holidays, her money, her money, her money. So what happens is she starts to think that if she lets go of the money, she'll lose this man. So she ends up being stuck with this loser of a guy as well. So I think there's a lot of holding onto the relationship if they're in that situation. There's a lot of financial insecurity that they grew up with and they don't want to go back to. They probably grew up with nothing. And there's also a lot of social validation that comes from the only fans that they haven't worked out. So a lot of true, I think instead of insulting every girl that does only fans and calling her names, why don't we try and understand what kind of led there? Because chances are it wasn't an easy path. Oh, I see what I get. They want me to get fans. I like to say they're friends of mine. I love them to bits. I wish them nothing but the best. I just know the damage it will cause for their kids when they're older. And they know that. But they're fear making 100 banks a month, 200. It's hard to turn down. It's so hard to turn down.  But when I post clips of these people, the men, the hatred, the rage, and I'm thinking the shoes, perverts are paying. Yeah. It's always the ones that are the most critical with the fake profile and the regurgitated quotes from Red Pill content. The ones that are paying. And if you look at the guys that pay for it, it's usually men on the spectrum. It's the autistic man. It's the man that can't get it. Here's the problem with the guys that pay for only fans. They're usually men who are super not looking after themselves.  But they don't want to face the rejection. So what they'll do is go to only fans and feel like they're getting that connection.   Why have the 5 out of 10 ignoring me when I can just pay for a 10 out of 10 to give me a message? So they end up not working on themselves. You need rejection as a man.  But having only fans and pornography means I can stay this miserable unattractive man and no one can tell me no, this is perfect. So they end up just staying the way they are. What do you think the key to life is? The key to life, I know it sounds like a bit played out, but it's usually just connections. If you can form healthy, long lasting connections with friends, family and partners and children, you live a very purposeful life. Everything else is meaningless. But those are the only things that will actually matter to your mentor and physical health. How important is it to stay a couple for your kids? Very unfortunately. And a lot of people will say, no, if you're not in love, you shouldn't stay together, blah, blah. I think if you can't co-parent and can't be like, if you literally can't stand each other, fair enough, you should separate.  But if you can exist with each other, but you're just not madly in love, you can create that love. You can create that intimacy again. People stop working on it, but you can recreate it. If you're going to be married for 40 years, there might be two, three, five years where you don't love each other, but you can go re-group. You're always going to fall out of love. But if you can re-group, try and re-group. So as soon as I fall out, I'm gone. I'm out of there. And that's where something that maybe I need to work on. I just feel as if... As soon as you fall out, love you're gone. I feel as if it's gone. I feel as if if you love somebody, you should always love them. Well, that's the thing is love is a feeling and feelings go up and down. Yeah.  They think if the feeling is gone, it's never going to come back, usually because they had a parent that left and never came back. And then so they think when love goes, it never comes back. But the stats for single parents, single moms or single dads raising kids, the stats of addiction and... Yeah, and prison time. Strap in, prison, homelessness. Yeah, everything. It's so high. I know. And single moms don't like that conversation. They love to just say, well, my kid is fine. My kid got an A star in school. But it's like that in itself is a narcissistic mother.  If a mother that gets it, like, like, I know we didn't work and I'm so sorry, but how do I protect this child from the trauma of not having a dad? That's a good single mother. But the mom that denies, denies, denies. No, he was a prick. He's not seeing the kids blah, blah. That in itself is a mother that shouldn't have children. How long do you think people should wait before having sex? It's difficult to say to each their own. Obviously, I've got religious reasons for why I might think differently. But what I would say in general to everybody is never, ever accelerate physical intimacy more than psychological intimacy. If you are psychologically comfortable with somebody and psychologically can explain what your terms and conditions are and what you like and what you don't like, then you're ready for a physical intimacy. But if you're more comfortable telling them what you like in bed, but you can't tell them what time you want to speak to them the next day and what time you want to see them, why are you having sex with them? I feel as if people should be waiting longer to see who their person is to see. I feel as if the mask always slips on people. People always betray their image. I've done it for many years myself. You went to a book for a long time, right? 18 months.   Too fast. Yeah. If it was a man, it should be. That was my method of thinking. Yeah. And I actually felt so down after it. Okay. Felt drained. Yeah. Okay. You see boxers who will not do for calls and for eight weeks, 10 weeks, and there's a different sort of energy. I don't, like I said, there's no manual how we should be living life. I'm only speaking through experience and I've got a lot of experience from many different things to understand life, understand the patterns, understand what makes me function.  I want to try and lead people to a positive, more healthier life, constructive and the most important thing is to try and find some purpose. A lot of kids are struggling purpose to focus all their energy on the football teams working 95 and that's okay. And I always say this, but the most helpful thing you can do is look after your family. Everything I do is for my kids. My kids need me. Most crucial ages 12 and 13. You need anything from me. I'm there.  So you want to feel around and have a laugh. That's what I'm all about. But I know when I started, I had a football career and I just loved drinking. I loved the nightlife.  I just, I loved that. I felt alive. I felt free. No, obviously the more you do it, the more destructive I become. And you can see the darkness and sadness. And what made you think now I'm going to stop? I read The Power of Now. The power of now. I always knew gambling. What am I doing? My uncles were bad gamblers and I seen the patterns. I seen them all. I seen the visions that wait a minute. And then I read that book came so before two years. The power of now. What was it in the book that was so life changing? It was about living in the present moment. I realised I was living in the past. I realised I was stuck there. Yeah, it was. You live in the past. It brings fear, anxiety, depression and guilt. The brain can't multitask. So I was to try and come to the present moment. Wait a minute. I can still have a better future. So how do I do that? Living the moment. Forget the past. It's done. It's gone. You can't relive it. But I just kept reliving the pain of my dad.   But yeah, looking back, I was a weak link.  And part of me still scared if I'm not doing it right. Part of me still feel vulnerable. Part of me still feels like I'm a fraud. Part of me still feels I don't deserve the life I've got because sometimes the old James can slip in. The positives. So a negative can kick in and it can ruin the full day. And I think, fuck, I'm not a good guy. And that scares me. No, it's not that you're not. Here's the thing. It's not about being a good guy or not a good guy.  That's all you have to do. And what I mean by that is if you've got a life full of problems, that as a man, you have a choice of either going to denial and just seek highs. So if I've got money problems, I'll go gamble. Or I can choose a way to solve this problem that doesn't involve any highs because highs usually create new problems. So if I'm feeling lonely, a lot of guys would be like, I'm feeling lonely. Let me go get an escort. That's a high. It's a high of saving a problem. Whereas if he says, I'm feeling lonely, let me work on myself so I can create an intimate connection. He becomes a problem solver.  What makes you happy? Connections, I would say. I love kids. I love spending time with people I love. And that is when I'm my happiest. I could easily drop all this social media nonsense. It means nothing to me. I have friends that invest in teams and buy followers and Blutix and all this stuff and have a marketing campaign and this, that and the other. And I just think this is all nonsense to me. It means nothing to me. And I feel really bad even saying this, but it even means not that much when people say, you've changed my life with your things. And I'm like, that's so sweet, but it just doesn't do much for me. The only thing that does much for me is being home with the people I love. And that's the only thing that does anything for me when I'm deprived of that. I'm a quite a negative person. When I'm filled with that, everything feels better. So I think that's my baseline. Why do you do it then? I do because it's so effortless for me. It's so easy for me and it's yet so impactful on everybody else. I say a few words that I make up on the spot sometimes and they're like, that changed my life. I'm like, really? What was going on in your life? If that changed it? So it's effortless and impactful. And if it required any more effort, I probably wouldn't do it. And if it was any less impactful, I wouldn't do it.  Why do you think human beings are so easy men are pirated? Because they don't have a God.  When you have a sense of God, what it does is it gives you stationary values for the rest of your life. I would not agree with certain things, even if you do them or not, like wearing certain clothes or even like I'm not covering, I still think it's a sin even though I do random sex, homosexuality, this and the other. I will never change my opinion. It doesn't mean I hate anyone that does it, but I'll never change my opinion. A sin is a sin. What's right is right. What's wrong is wrong. I myself am a sinner, but I recognize what's right and wrong. So therefore, nothing can shake me. Nothing can really manipulate me because I've got those set of stationary values. When people don't have a set of stationary values, what happens is anyone and everyone can shake them because they're fragile. The law can tell you to tomorrow that a 44-year-old man is now a woman and you have to share the bathroom store with him. And you have to say yes, because you don't have a set of values. Whereas if you grew up with a set of values, you'd be like, well, I don't actually agree with that because it goes against what I was raised as. You stand up against manipulation. Look at lockdown. The whole world's wearing a lockdown. Sanity.  Were you?   I was miles away up halls doing cold water I actually believed that kicked me on in life because I'm a man who likes to cover all angles. I do like to question everything. I thought, could I be in danger and could I be hurting people and potentially being at a risk? And I started reading the facts. This is 99.9% survival rate. I'm a fit young man. I just climb in mountains. I did get a stick for it. I think a lot of people's came that came down though, but it scares me how fast people are controlled. You know, it made me realize how Hitler did what he did. All these years I was to think how on earth could Hitler just make a whole country think like this.   But it really made me realize you can manipulate people so quickly and easier. I started hating people in lockdown.   They kind of, so it just shows me who's so easily manipulated in society, which is most of them. Because TV's programming. Yeah. Do you watch a lot of TV? I do. I do watch Netflix and stuff. I don't watch any Netflix or series or anything. I've never been able. Mine is more because of my ADHD, but you don't watch it for any reason. No. If somebody says there's a good program, I just came that I feel as if it dumps me down. I feel as if I'm too busy. I'm too productive to occasionally read a book. If I'm honest, I was in about books when I was going through changes. But now I'm just all about learning from others, learning from me. So what do you watch? Do you watch your own podcast? What do you watch? I watch it for clips and that's it. But I do cringe. Yeah, me too. I do cringe. Sometimes I think, do you know what you look good in? You speak sense and then that psychotic side comes out.  What's been like, you know, watching yourself on social media and stuff, what have you started to like more about yourself or hate more about yourself? Probably came, I probably, I don't actually post that much content about myself. It's mostly others. Sometimes I don't know. It's like a kind of cringe because why do I need gratification? Why do I need to post about retirement? Why do I need to post about being four years, five years so? But it's like, tell me how well I'm doing. Am I doing the right decision? People say you're changing my life, but does one post change somebody's life? It maybe makes them think differently for a couple of hours and then they're straight back into old habits. But I don't know, man. I just feel as if I'll probably be off all social media by the end of the year. Do you think so? What would you do instead? Yeah, I just actually bought a new phone with no apps on it. Okay, what do you think you're doing instead? Other people will do it for me. I just feel as if it doesn't, I don't benefit from it anymore. I don't think it, I want to think different from everybody else. I want to do things that I feel as if hold people back.  I don't have all the answers. I've eliminated a lot of negatives, but I've still got a lot to master. The eating and the sugar is the last one. Social media is kind of, I feel as if I can come off social media at any time. But I feel as if sometimes I'm missing something. I've done a six week change kind of documentary. When I come off all the social media is the first day. I thought, what's on the dice? And I signed back in straight away. So it's kind of. It's one of those things. It's hard to disconnect from it. Yeah, it's very hard. But as a podcast host, do you guys get much hate as much as the guests do or not really? Not much. Yeah, you guys must not. It's a nice end of the deal. Yeah, I feel as if people are there to tell their story. Some guests, people really go off their nut, but I've interviewed so many controversial people that it's water off a duck's back. You don't come this far. We're not having some sort of backbone. Like a bespoke killer, I would interview anybody. If I thought it was a good story, I would never interview a sex case. I've interviewed people with allegations and other things hanging over their head. I feel as if every man deserves a voice. I feel as if people who make false allegations should be sent to prison. I feel as if allegations are then destroying lives when a lot of them are false. Listen, a lot of the sexual crimes are from men. We get it, but the majority of the false allegations are from women. So it's got to be some sort of balance. I believe men should be protected more. I feel as if men, a lot of people get thrown under the bus, maybe because they're speaking out about certain things.  I don't have all the answers. I've spoken to a kid, a footballer there. I wasn't a judge or a judge. I'm just there to let things tell him from his side. It's hard because I don't know with that stuff. I really don't know. I don't know if it's a case of, you know, when celebrities come out and there's been a sex allegation against them. I don't know if it's one out of hundreds that finally went out there and then got proven false, or was it just a lie from scratch? Because one thing I've noticed in my experience of just knowing people and stuff, sometimes there is a lot of girls that have been assaulted, but never suddenly think, but it's that one, the one that does go out and say something is usually the one with bad intentions because the real victims tend to have too much shame to say anything. So usually the ones that do come out and say something, they tend to be a bad representation of victims. But it's such a fragile topic. You look at the Johnny Depp case as well.  It happens and there's many survivors who don't come forward. They don't really because they're ashamed. I've interviewed many survivors who blame themselves. So I understand that my job is not to stop people from coming forward, but my job is to give people a fair voice and people can make their own assumptions. So like I said, the majority of sexual crimes are from male, but the majority of false allegations are from females. So it's scary and a single allegation can destroy someone's life and it's innocent or proven guilty. But now this day and age now is you're guilty if you're... Yeah. And then what do you think about like when there's been physical abuse and there's evidence and then they get back together and stuff like that? What do you think about those cases? I feel as if that's a weak link. I feel as if if a man cheats, he doesn't love you and I feel as if you don't take... I feel as if if a man cheats, he doesn't love you, but if you take him back, you don't love yourself. I feel as if both are losers. In my own opinion, I feel as if the abuse of relationships, the kind of the controlling... Because I'm a control freak. I like to lead by the front. I feel as if I'm the leader and that's difficult for me to give the reins to anybody. The only person who's really got that is my daughter. That's the only girl to ever have me wrapped around her finger. And it's probably the only girl if I'm honest. But I feel as if the abuse of relationships, it stems from a lot of things, from the broken homes, from bad decisions and you tend to see people going back to that, they just don't love themselves. But then again, it's Stockholm, St. Jerome and stuff. I also worry about the man that is abusive. There's so much support for victims of abuse, which there should be and even more so. But the man that hits also doesn't want to be this man. There's no way you could actually want to be this kind of violent, aggressive, horrible human being. But there's not much support for them. If they were to try and go for therapy or try and do anything or even look online, there's not really much and that comes from some kind of trauma. So I think there is something that we need to actually instead of just shaming everybody, how do we help the person who's abusive? Because that is a terrible thing to be as a man who hits women. That must be not must feel awful about that. What do you think about people who say, well, if a woman hits a man, he should hit her back and stuff. I was attacked in McDonald's with two women. I didn't raise my hands.  They were drunk.   She attacked me. I threw my drink and I try to leave free occasions and she attacked me. I put it on my Instagram, the videos that I was saying.  It was me who was the woman beat her. They were pulling hair.  But that, I thought to myself, man, I did think about it after that.  I feel as if if a woman hits a man for no reason, a lot of women antagonize men. We've got to be honest. You see it out drunk in night. You see a lot of women attacking them. I feel as if a man has a right to defend himself. If he can't get away peacefully and she keeps attacking, why should a man let a woman hit him? I get that. But what I find is men with the right morality, they end up never hitting.  The guys that have that morality where they want to hit women are just looking for their excuse. So it's difficult because I know that I would be like, if someone keeps hitting a guy, of course he's going to hit a bag. But the guys that have strong, that belief system where they just don't hit women, they never will. They just can't. Nothing will push them to it. But the guy who's looking for his moment, and you see it sometimes with these security guards, I saw a few clips go viral where a girl would be a bit mouthy, any excuse to just hit, that guy would have always hit, whether he's been provoked or not. So it's difficult one. It's a difficult one. Well, like I said, I'll send you that video. Feet, legs, arms, attack, punch, defenders punching. Awful. And thankfully, obviously the judge seen the CCTV, all charges were dropped.  Yeah. See, I'm so alien to drunken behavior because I'm not around it. Is it literally a while? Like people will just hit each other. Yeah. Girls will just hit a guy. I feel as if girls are more fiery with their hands on and out. Oh, okay. It happens. Definitely.  Why are you still married to her? So many men put up with abusive women. So many men will say, my wife hits me and stuff. I say it's no different to when a man hits a woman. You have to leave a woman that throws hands, even though it doesn't hurt.  It's the disrespect. If she can hit you, she can do anything. She'll be doing anything. She doesn't respect you. So just don't take, just don't accept a woman hitting you ever. Just like a woman should never hit a man. Why do a lot of women go back to abusive relationships? What would have happened is they would have grown up with some level of abuse. They would have grown up with either emotional or physical abuse. And as a result of that, they either have, they don't have a safe circle. They don't feel safe in somewhere else. So they actually find a sense of home in this abusive relationship.  This is one of the reasons why women block contact with kids from their fathers.  I actually worry more because what happens is women who are attached to abusive men, they just replace the abuser with another abuser. They end up going to one abuser, to another abuser, to another abuser. So the child is still in danger until the woman fixes their issues. Yeah, for me, I like to think I'm quite a simple man now. I don't, relationships are kind of, I try to change my mind as time goes on. I'm thinking obviously different as I'm getting older as well. But what do you think keeps a man happy? I would say what keeps a man happy is they actually require a lot more emotional investment than we think. What we are taught is they just want to be attracted to you. They just want you to give them sex and they just want you to give them peace. And they don't even define peace. They just say give them peace. But all of that is actually negated by the fact that they actually want far more emotional investment than they say. A man doesn't have the luxury of going to his friends saying how he felt or going to his, you know, telling people his problems. So when he finds a wife that he can be himself with and she shows emotional investment, she cares about what's going on with his life, with his physical health, with his, if he's eating, if he's not here, she genuinely invests in him emotionally. He's far more happy.  But usually he just wants to feel desired by somebody else. He just wants to feel loved by somebody. If you deprive them and starve them of love and attention, they'll go everywhere else. Such a weird, why do women mourn all the time?  I do know what I do. Sad, I don't even say you don't mourn. I've been, I've been, I've been in my life are money bastards.  Yeah.  I'll handle it. No problem. No sweat. I'm not mourn, I'll get it done. Yeah. Women, on the other hand, I'm thinking, fuck, what are you mourning at? I think it's a combination of we value connections more than you guys do. So if our connection is not as good as it used to be or could be, it bothers us far more than it would bother you. So if we haven't had a date now, if we haven't connected for a long time, it bothers women far more than it would bother you, because our identity is defined by our connections. And the other thing is sometimes a lot of the time with women, we don't actually find meaning and purpose and so much drive in work. We don't, we say we do, but we don't really. And when you don't engage with life and work as much, you end up sweating the small things. When you don't have a bigger purpose in life, you smut the small things. Whereas when you do have a meaning and purpose in life, you're less likely to moan. So I think it's just usually a lack of, you know, drive or lack of meaning and purpose, but combined with really, really putting connections as too much emphasis on how healthy a connection should be. So we end up moaning a lot. What do you think lies the most male or female? They lie equally, but differently. Women will lie by pretending. Men will lie by exaggerating. So a man might say he's got more money than he has. He might say he's slept with more women than he has. He might say he works out more than he does. He exaggerates. Women will lie by like underestimating what they do. So they might say that, oh, I would never cheat on my boyfriend or I would never do an Onlyfans or I would never, when really they would, if given the chance. So I just think women and men lie differently. But the one thing I would say is, because men are programmed to think women are honest and men lie, they are less suspicious of women. They believe women instantly. If she says she's doing this, they tend to believe her. So she gets away with lying far more than a man would. And that's where men are screwing up. How important do you think it is to be just with a one woman relationship or one man relationship? Well, the thing is in everything in life, how successful it is depends on your ability to reject the alternatives. So if I want a six pack, I have to reject the alternatives of alcohol, sugar, carbs, et cetera, in order to get that. Now, if you want a healthy relationship, you also have to confine yourself to it. You have to reject the alternatives in order to find the beauty in it or to find the problems in it. If you don't reject the alternatives, you won't realize this person is not right for you because you're getting stimulation elsewhere. Or you won't realize this person is bad for you because you're getting stimulation elsewhere. So I think monogamy is essential for you to have an accurate perception of what the relationship is, good or bad. But without monogamy, we dilute how good or bad the relationship is because we're getting our needs met elsewhere. And then we're holding on to people that are either wrong for us or right for us, but not knowing. So I think it's essential to be monogamous. I think you need it in order to get an accurate perception of what's going on. How does that go against being Muslim? Because you can have four wives? You can have four wives. And do you know what? As I get older, I kind of understand it a little bit more because I do see how after children, women physically can't commit to the man the way they used to. They literally can't physically commit. In the religiously, you're supposed to really only do it if there's this need. Like, say, for example, if somebody is widowed or somebody really needs an extra husband, can't find a man or is barren or something like that. So there's room for it. I just personally, I don't know. I haven't been, I can't control my jealousy enough. But if I could control my jealousy, I think I would like the idea of just being like, go do your thing for a couple of days, get out of my face. But unfortunately, I'm jealous. Oh, yeah. What is jealousy?  I want to date her. But then after a couple of months, I think, okay, listen, I can't really handle those falls because I'm jealous. I'm straight up, I don't like it. I feel as if they're mine. They could be controlling, possessive, whatever it is, but that's who I am. I'm yours, you're mine. And I just feel as if, why do we try and change people when we get them? That's something that I try and do. I try and think, okay, they can be fine, but everybody's already on their path and nobody changes unless they want to change. But I feel as if I can change the world and why do we try and go, I met you like that, but yeah, I don't like it now. So why does that come into play? It sometimes happens usually when, you know, when you're growing up, you weren't, you kind of either had to earn your parents' love or your parents used to try and change you, one or the other.  So what ends up happening is you don't select compatible, you select challenges. So you take somebody that you can mold and create into a loving relationship because that's what you were modeled as a child. You learn as a child that you alone are not loved and accepted and mom doesn't love you just for you.  So you think that's what love looks like, turning somebody off, teaching them how to love you, forcing them to be something different. But the reality is that's just not compatible in the real world. People don't change. People think they do, but they don't. Can you tell a lot by some of the social media? Yeah, you can tell a lot. Yeah. Because you tend to say a lot of men post they're girlfriends, but a lot of girls will post bikino photos. Why is that? You know, I think the reality is men have no idea what goes on in the DMs of a girl that posts a lot of bikini pictures and they have no clue about that. And the girl will always make it. I like it's just a holiday. It's just this and the other. But the reality is there's something going on in there that she's addicted to. There might be either a lot of attention. It might be a lot of hearts. It might be a lot of offers, depending on the beauty of the girl, of course. But there's something going on where it's beneficial to her. There's something going on in the DMs that benefits her in either a psychological, physical or financial form. And she's not ready to let go of that. See, that's something I couldn't be with somebody who's...  But it's free only fans. And I just think if I was going to post a bikini, wouldn't you want to charge for it? I think it makes more sense to have an only fans than to just be a thought on Instagram, at least monetize it if you're going to do it. So I almost think it's weaker. I think it's worse when you just post really provocative pictures on Instagram for free. Yeah, it's a question that you're just being controlling, but I just... I've just... But I is controlling. I'll tell you why. Because here's the difference. When girls say you're insecure and when a guy's just like, well, I'm just having boundaries, here's the difference. Secure men, what happens is they select wisely. They select a woman, and if she's doing behavior that's not good and they can't accept, they remove themselves. What insecure men will do is select poorly and they almost shake her to be better, like keep begging her. And that's why women start to call a man insecure because you don't like a lot of me, but you can't leave me. So that makes you insecure. Whereas a secure man, you don't like a lot of me, you leave me. So we don't call that guy insecure. We call the guy that keeps blowing up our phone knowing that we're going to go out every weekend, keeps shouting and screaming every time we post a bikini picture, but it will still be with me and still pay for dinner and all that stuff. So that's the guy we call insecure, the one that can't let go. So because girls are more than about liking other girls' photos, following other girls... Yeah, we hate that. But yeah, they'll post bikini photos, so... That's totally hypocritical.  You are contributing to the same problem that you see in your relationship.  You are creating the same men that you don't like, the ones that are tapping like on your pictures. You're creating that as well when you're posting like that. So I think if a woman posts bikini pictures, but then gets mad at you for liking them, she's got a narcissistic element that you need to kind of see as a red flag because it's a part of her that believes her emotions should be soothed, but yours shouldn't. If you have got a good woman, I would say try and avoid liking the pictures.  Because it's just a visual representation of our man finding another woman attractive, which we don't need to see. We just don't need to see it. But what if a woman's following men? I mean, the thing is, here's the thing, if you both care about each other's well-being, you both should be acting in a way that's respectful. If one is strangling the other, then it's not a fair relationship and you should let go of it. But if both of you care about each other's well-being, a conversation could be hard, where I don't like you posting that.  Okay, let's compromise. But when it's just like one or the other and there's something other, then you guys aren't concerned about each other's well-being. So is it going to really work in the long run?  I think so, but I just think in this day and age where women are already so insecure, if you can avoid the insecurity, why not? People will say, oh, you're pandering to their insecurities. But the reality is, it's just, we've never had to deal with this in the past. Centuries and centuries and centuries, women weren't competing with the world. They weren't seeing visual representations of the most beautiful girls in the world and your partners getting to access them. So now we've got a level of insecurity that we're not prepared for. From my experience, I feel as if sometimes you can be too nice to some people.    I've lived the life, I've understand it and I don't want to bullshit.   And I felt as if the same treatment can, treatment mean treatment can. I don't like it now, but part of it, you tend to get a lot more love when you actually pretend you don't care. What is that? But that's men and women. Is that true then? It's an element of truth to it. And this is with women as well. What they'll find is when they are just the homemaker sat at home looking after their kids, he still wants to be out in the club chasing an Instagram girl. So it works both ways. It's not just a case of like men and all women, but what I would say is not so much about being too nice. It's about being too weak. There's a difference. When you're a weak man or woman, what happens is you have a set of boundaries, but you don't have the strength to walk away. And that's when you see it as being too nice. What being nice actually should look like is, these are my boundaries. You are most welcome to love me and be in my relationship and everything like that, but if you cross them too far too many times and I've explained it to you times, I can walk away.  Then they feel abused, but really it's because you abandoned your own kind of standards. It's Stockholm syndrome, where people stay in abusive relationships. And like I said, it's not all male. It's both male and female, but also in abusive relationships. I've seen some men.  Yeah, and who? And I think you're fucking... Cheating on them, stopping them from seeing the kids, everything. How is that though, when people grow a connection with that abusive state, male and female, to keep going back for more and feel as if they'll change that? How hard? You must see that being a psychologist. I don't like the word weak, but they are weak as well when you don't know the circumstances of their upbringing and what they've been through, their mum and dad, how they were raised, but why do you think a lot of people actually stay in these relationships where they can't find the strength to go? Because what happens is, when you're in an abusive relationship, is that person really works slowly and effectively at lowering your self-esteem. They will make you feel low, low, low, low.    So what happens is, you crave that person's validation the most. When you let go of the validation coming from that person and replace it with validation coming from healthy people, you'll be able to let go of that attachment. What do you think women are most attractive to in a man? Well, whatever they are used to. So what happens is women that were who like abusive toxic men grew up with something like that. There was some chaos, there was some brokenness. What happens is she can't help but be attracted to the man that will abuse her. Now another girl who was treated well will be attracted to somebody who is kind to her, relatively nice to her. So it will be whatever they're used to is what they're attracted to. What do you think about masculinity?  I feel like it's non-existent anymore. Pornography. I would honestly say it boils down to pornography.   And all of these OnlyFans girls, all of these porn sites, all these webcam girls, they're there to manipulate you. So the reason why men have lost all their masculinity is that they put looks and appearance on a pedestal. And if a woman looks like the woman that he likes, he will drop all of his boundaries and standards just to get her attention and she manipulates you. Manip...  You're the weakest.  So I think the... Because men are becoming so weak to beauty and so saturated by sex and stuff, that's why we've got no masculinity left. Because they say now, if a girl sleeps with more than five men or five men, her chances of a happy relationship go down from 90% to less than 20%. What do you think is sexual energy exchange? Do you know much about that? I don't know as much as I probably should, but I don't believe you can allow people to enter your body or your home or your soul without them leaving a psychological footprint. So I don't see how it wouldn't have an impact. I do think it definitely has an impact. Have you looked into what is the recent... So they say when you sleep with a girl, you're connected, but what is... You're also taking her trauma, not just from her, but the people that's also slept with her also. So it's...  It's just... It's deep when it's dark. And does that work both ways when you sleep with a man that's been promiscuous? Yeah. Because here's the thing that I find difficult about the podcast scene is they talk a lot about a woman's body count, but it's no different when a man is... I think a man needs to be more careful about his body count than women now more than ever because he has no say on abortions. If I'm a man sleeping around recklessly with a bunch of hoes or whatever it is, and she decides she wants to keep it, I have no say, zero, whether I want it or not. You're trapped. So I think that men have to practice far more sexual exclusivity because they've got more to lose now. It's so important, but then you look at dating, but nobody works in relationships because you've got dating apps, you've got social media. And what happens is the dating apps are there for a reason, they're not trying to get happy marriages and relationships, they're able to go out of business, same as the pharmaceutical industry, they're not there to create cures, they're creating customers, so everything's there to dilute them.  What do you think the solution could be? I think you've got to go within. I think everything from birth has got to change. I've been speaking about this recently, girls are giving birth on their back, they're giving birth on their artificial legs, they're coming out drugged up the kids. They're cutting the umbilical cord, which is so important for stem cells and nutrients. Skin to skin as well, they're taking their baby off them and ratting around and putting them in a little co-at. Skin to skin, babies still feel connected. The umbilical cord is so important. They're cutting the umbilical cord and they're selling it to private companies for thousands of dollars, thousands of pounds, and they're using it. The umbilical cord is so important to getting your full nutrition and your blood I forget what the other thing's called. Not the umbilical cord, but the placenta. Placenta, yeah. It's all so important that people are so uneducated, so as soon as we're born, we're giving a name, we're giving a religion, we're giving a football team the support, we're just labeled, labeled, labeled.   You raise Muslims, so you've got that strong belief as well.  It could be anybody.  It got me through life, it got me through my dark days, but now I see the world as, well, wait a minute, there's so many different gods in religion, who's right? You've been raised that way, so that's in your psyche. Yeah, it's in my back. Where I found what was right is what sets well with my soul, what made me feel like I'm living a better life. And when I looked at the rules of other, I like rules, rules are good for me. I like to, even if I don't follow them, I like to know why they're there. And I couldn't find a religion that also prohibited alcohol, and that was a big one for me, because when I was growing up and even now, everybody is in a reckless situation, I could almost always trace it back to alcohol, whether it's junk driving, whether it's children being born or aborted, whether it's like, you know, just murders even everything. There was an element of alcohol, and what made me think that I want to follow my religion is I can't understand a god overseeing the impact of alcohol and not forbidding it. I can't understand a religion that would allow and permit alcohol, because to me it's the devil's juice. How do we know the gods are real if we've never seen them? People can say they feel them, but books have been written thousands of years ago.   Just like I don't see God, but the outcome of creation and the outcome of his regulations and rules are healthy, so that's why I just think there must be a creator. Yeah, I get that.  I've got people who've turned to Christ, homeless men, who've changed their life and now they help others and they've got a belief. Amazing. I just don't like the fact of it all. People trying to force their opinions and say, what do you hate about religion? I don't hate religion. Well, if you were to question something about religion, question everything. What is it? That is a thing that you haven't quite understood about religion. Well, there's over 5,000 gods, so who's God's right? Well, wouldn't you say whoever's manual leads to the best outcome in terms of society? What about if we all believe we're God? Everybody's God. Yeah. Who says who's God and who's not? Well, I would say like, let's say for example, there's hundreds of presidents in the world, but the president that is, I would imagine is the best whose society is running the best. Now, I just like there's hundreds of gods, but whichever manual is leading to the most productive and healthy society psychologically and crime rates wise and stuff, that's the one I would imagine is the best. But then again, if you look at politics, we can go down the route who's behind the politicians, who's behind the presidents, who's pulling the strings. Yeah. It's not them. No, no. So you've got to question, I question everything. I could believe there's goods and pot, there's so much that, there's a lot of satanic shitting religions as well. If you go down that route, there's lots who was in the Bible who got his two daughters pregnant. We don't believe that. We don't believe that happened. We believe in Lot as well, but we don't believe he did that. But again, that should be my belief. We believe that the things about Lot and David and even Jesus, we believe the Quran was sent to rectify those things that were said. But that should be a belief though, that's the way you're being raised to see that. Yeah, but as a Christian, how do you make solace of that, the idea of Lot? I just think it's satanic. I think the drinking blood and eating flesh and I just think it's dark. If you, there's so many books in the world that can change lives, positive, negative, you could read a phrase and a paragraph from a book and take a positive, I could take a negative.  So I like to keep my options open and go, wait a minute, you're actually doing amazing in life and I'm proud of you.  But for me, I just think, well, who wrote the book? Who wrote the Quran? Who wrote the Bible? Okay, you're saying it's this person, but I've never met that person. I've never seen it being written. So I've got to question it. Who's created the human mind? Who created the body? You've got certain beliefs, but you could be wrong. I could be wrong. So I always tell people, just question what I'm saying. Look at the actions. I think I'm very comfortable with the idea that I could be wrong, but the reality is, if I'm wrong, I still feel like I lived a right life. If I'm wrong, I never craved all the things that was Haram anyway. So for me, if I get to death and I realize, oh Sadiq, you could have done everything you wanted to. You could have slept around, you could have done this, you could have done that, made loads of money. God isn't real. I would be like, well, I'm glad I believed in me, and anyway, because I don't want to do those things. So for me, it serves a purpose, but not for everybody. I don't believe everybody should have a religion or anything, but for me personally, all praise be to God. And that's the way it should be. I feel as if everything for me is to do with a feeling. How does that make me feel? How does it make other people feel going to have that effect? It can be a negative effect or a positive. I don't have all the answers, but what I can only speak through is what I'm living. And like I said, I was a Catholic. I got a Jesus tattooed in my back. It tells you maybe we shouldn't mark your skin anyway, but yet you're getting tattoos, so you're kind of defeating the purpose. I just feel as if, unless I see something with my own eyes, I've got to stay look at every angle. And if you believe in the Quran, and like I say, my Muslim brothers, when I go to their house, the food is unbelievable, their mums are unbelievable, and I love them to bits. They would do anything for me, they're loyal, they're legit. I've also got people who don't support religions, who I know would also die for me and do things for me. Like a brotherhood, I just feel as if the human mind that feels as if would all become so, you talk about connection, but becoming so disconnected. Why? Because it's divide and conquer. But say if you didn't have a religion, where would you get your sense of what is right and wrong? I believe if I didn't have, but I believe intuition can be filled with traumas. It can be filled with past experiences. Whatever it is, I just feel like intuition is subjective. If you didn't have religion, I believe that you'd get your moral compass from the Daily Mail and you'd get it from society. You'd get it from media. I don't trust getting my moral compass from these sources. Why do you know that religion has not been given by the media as well? Because it has universal value. Who says? Well, just the fact that whatever it forbids and encourages has always worked throughout society. It forbids certain behaviors and encourages others.  Now, if you leave it to social society and their morals and compasses, I can't. I even the last 10 years I've seen such a switch in the UK culture of what is right and wrong that I just think I don't want these fragile beliefs. Of course, but again, not everybody gets the belief from TV. Where do they get it from, though? I don't know where I would get my morals if I didn't have God. I would have no idea where to start. I believe everybody knows right from wrong. I believe you put different kids from different religions as a baby and I believe they would know. But that's called conditioning. That's called programming. But wouldn't 100 years ago, people would think gay marriage is wrong and now everybody thinks it's right? So I don't think there's an instinct. But not everybody thinks it's right. But we're encouraged to think it's right. Yeah, but that's propaganda. That's programming for, it's television. It's lying to make you believe. But even 100 years ago, we would think having a black slave is okay and now we think it's wrong. Or we would think that in Julius Caesar's time we can just throw a tiger into a fight of slave and watch it for entertainment. Often it's changed for that. So I just think that if we leave it to society, human nature is so chaotic. What it thinks is right one day is it will think it's wrong the next. Human nature is designed to be chaotic. That's why God is needed. But then if you see a birth, if you see a baby birth, they're not chaotic. Oh, they're incredible. But they're born, yeah. You talk about a child, you talk about a kid, one, two, the smile 300, 400 times a day. Yeah. And they know morality.  So that tells me that the system's broke. It's nothing to do with religion. It's the system from birth to schooling, to try to work and pressure of try to survive. Everything's pressure. And everybody looks for guidance. You look for guidance through God. Okay, we get it. But everybody's got different guidances. But there's people who don't follow religion. I can guarantee that it'll be happier than me and you. Yeah, I'm not saying religion makes happiness. Yeah, that's what I'm saying in general. But it definitely makes order. Yeah. And for me, order is the goal. Not necessarily happiness. I can't control happiness. Life is suffering in so many different ways. But I know how to respond to suffering through the use of God. But I wouldn't know how to respond to suffering if I didn't have God. I don't know what I would do if I lost a parent. And I know you've gone through this. I'm so sorry to say this, but I just don't know what I would do if I didn't have God.  But if I didn't do it as a child, I would have to numb the pain somehow. I would have to go to alcohol, have to go to women, I would have to do something. I can't live with the pain of losing a parent. Personally, I'm too weak. And so if I didn't have God, I don't know what I would do if I lost a parent or lost a child.  And I just think if I didn't have God, the vices I would indulge in to get rid of the pain and numb the pain, I would self-destruct. Yeah, but you can't think that way because what happens is there's people who go through more traumatic events than me and you that still get on with it. The bottom line is I feel as if in life we should be getting taught about death. It's life. It's a circle of life. What advice would you give to somebody who loses a parent? Embrace their life. It happens.  What you want to do, self-destruct. What I done. And lose yourself. But then again, if I never done that, I wouldn't be on the path I am now. So I've got to thank that. Did you have children at the time that you? It was all at the same time. My dad died just a couple of weeks before my kids were born. Okay. And that kind of fucked me up because I didn't know how to handle it. But now I do. Now I realise, well, wait a minute. People die. I could die. It happens.  The bottom line is we've just got to get on with it. We should be taught about death. Instead we're all dressed in black. We're all mourning and crying.  Life goes on. And this is the bottom line.  Let's get straight to the facts.  All we can do is soldier on. Because that's all we are conditioned to do.  Let's go on to the next day. But the problem is we talk about weakness. Men are indulging for sex, porn, gambling, drinking, or seeking highs that's only destroying the soul. Creates more problems. Million percent have done it. Yeah, it creates more problems. And now I know how life can operate with eliminating the negatives. And the thing is pleasure seeking and high seeking is so available. So now we're getting such a plethora of men who are just inundated with problems and don't know where to start to get over it. And that's where masculinity is dying. If you want to be a masculine man, problem solve. Don't indulge in highs. Just escape. But when we look at the whole world, the world could be an amazing place. They could be such a beautiful place. Eight billion people on it, as far as I'm aware. There might be less. There could be more. How do we actually know? We're only listening through radios and TVs and books about people getting their information. Can you imagine getting information? I used to watch Indian Man, Sad Guru. Okay. I liked him. He made sense with a lot of things.  Yeah, it made me hate people. Whoever put him out of the vaccine, I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't. But then again, I always think they could be right as well. But again, intuition, the cleaner I'm becoming in life, the more I'm chewing, I'm becoming and trying to understand. What do you think created the human? Why do you think we're here? Outside of God. Outside of God. Yeah, but why do you think we're here? Well, for me, for Muslims, I'm going to give a very boring answer. But the answer we have is life is just a way, it's like a stepping ground. It's like it's not the final destination. You have the final destination, which is the afterlife. This is just your test where you go through human experiences. But it's just to get you through. And then after that, we have an afterlife, which is heaven and hell, which I know sounds very childish to everybody else. But I believe in it. So that's what I believe what life is. It's just one large test where you can either really excel or you can do really badly. But we have been given the manual on how to create, make a productive life. And it's up to you if you want to do it that way or not. Does that sound wild? Does that sound wild to people that I believe in heaven and hell? No, I was just a Catholic.  Me too. The Lord's Prayer. Gaze, origin. I'm not gay, but it was like... That's programming. Yeah. The schooling system's not there for you to think outside the box. The schooling system's not there for you to be an entrepreneur and understand love and money management. So then a question. They fuckers are programming. The brain is such a powerful tool where you can be programmed. This is it. It takes 21 days to break a habit. 21 days to create a new one. Some people say 40, 50, 60. But the subconscious mind can be programmed. For me on why are that, the question of everything, I feel as if it keeps me right. Would people think that you're like a conspiracy theorist? I don't give two. I don't care either. I like... What conspiracy theory do you kind of like...  But you wouldn't say crazy. I just question it.  Pedophile thing is, yeah. You can talk about Epstein.  But then again, there's a lot of beautiful things in the world.  Who cares if the moon landings were fake? Who cares? Antarctica. We talk about the Truman Show and we feel as if it could just be one big game. But they talk about Antarctica. Not many humans have been over it to talk about an ice round the world. Again, it could be a hocus pocus. Conspiracy theory is, what are they doing? They're making money as well by people's mind because it sounds sexy. It's appealing to think, Oh, I'm a consp... I'm not the same as everybody else. But you're working. You're needing money to survive.  We're all part of the system. We're all part of the... Yeah.  They've still got to be an element of laws. Or else it'd be a free-for-all.  There's got to be laws. There's got to be protection because people are psychotic. But when I was doing the street parades and the marches, people used to stand saying freedom and I'm free. But they're smoking joints and they're drinking alcohol. They've got a mobile phone. I thought I'm not coming back here because yous lot are so far from free. What does freedom look like to you? Freedom for me is trying to understand what humans are. For me it's trying to be as peaceful as you can be. And trying to be... And trying to understand everybody. Everybody's different. Understand trying not to pass judgment but it's just difficult because we're all judgmental fuckers. But for me freedom is to be at peace which is difficult because we're living in a very fast-paced world. Yeah, very. I think about moving into the wilderness and moving into the woods and having a big log house and kids and farm animals and growing them on fruit and veg. But then again I've got the psychotic side.  I love views. I love money as well because it provides for that life. But then on the other hand I don't want to have any of that. You've got a struggle between so it's a contradiction. It's a contradiction and internal values. I'm not daft. I believe I will make the conscious decision of going well wait a minute this is what I believe this is all bullshit. Like I said I don't feel as if I've been on social media by the end of the year because it's an illusion. It's psychotic minefield. Yeah. Everybody's craving something.  But yeah should you be on social media because we use it but yeah it gives us popularity. It gives us chance for people to say. Yeah I think it's so wild when I meet people who want to be famous or want to be on social media but with no purpose. At least you know why you're going to be podcasting and stuff. Some people just don't even know why they just want to be famous. I can't think of anything worse. I can't think of it. I know it sounds ridiculous because I am on social media but if I didn't have this why the why behind what I do is educating people in a topic that I seem to be quite bursting.  What would be that? I can't understand the motivation to want to be known other than if unless you've got purpose what is it that creates what would make you want to be famous? One thing I would say though I thought it would heal the pain. Were you always a bit of the star of the show anyway? Yeah I was always me too.  I don't think it ever goes it will I don't think it will yeah maybe I should take it on because I want to be everybody's got different ways to look at success for me it's to be a good father a good family man and it's took me 40 years to kind of suss that out but I don't know I feel as if we're all confused we can talk a good game but when you break it all down I don't think you need to know you've established yourself so well that does it still bother you like because now I feel like okay it's done now at least I can never say oh I tried in social media I got nowhere I got somewhere so now I don't even look at the views before it may be the first couple of months but it happened so fast for me so I never had to really everything's levels yeah I feel as if for me to go at the top of the game but there's never a top oh I'm never looking at that bit I'm always there's never a top yeah I'm not looking is limitless but I just know who I was then five years ago the lost scared little kid to just never had any purpose just felt at those stages in my life I never thought I'd make it past 30 oh wow now I'm 39 life is going amazing but it can still go fast and you keep on top of that maybe because your journey was so strong like I didn't really have a journey I've always had quite a comfortable life and so therefore it's not really like as valuable but I'm sure if I had a struggle and I've been through some really dark times and to have this platform like you have it would give me more drive to just be the best but I think I'm just a bit lazy is it have you always had this work ethic I've always been a winner really I've been a football team captain I'm I volunteered to be the loser I'm like please can I come last if I take the kids to bowling I'm fucking them up I'm losing I give them two you want to cry you fucking cry your dad is wanting to do I'm not even trying I'm like throwing the ball and just taking a picture I don't care I'll be fucking I'm winning yeah I'm the opposite what do you think that is then yeah what is that I do know what it is I take no joy from winning but some people winning especially men with high testosterone levels when you win it's a way of dominating the hierarchy and it gives a spurt of like testosterone literally in a man it's biological so winning is incredible to them anything that they can win in they love it whereas for women we don't have that same testosterone spike from winning so that's how it means nothing if I go running with my daughter and my son and it's sprinting to what I'll trap them up don't do it even with them fuck them fuck them I just I've always been a winner I'll go and let my friend who I'm playing at tennis sitting in a minute and I'm fucking Whitney's ass day in day out really and I just love it really I've won it and when the text messages after it the voice thoughts are shit I'm better than you maybe I'm missing out on life by not being competitive I have zero competitiveness I'm so competitive yeah I'm happy to I don't mind what it is running up and down the stairs or whatever it is it's game on maybe because I just think if I don't care about winning it doesn't hurt if you lose so maybe it's a protective quality but I just can't remember the last time I gave a fuck about winning something but maybe that's because in schools sports days maybe you did finish last and you got embarrassed at something where it could be it's just a safer thing safer just out of foul lose it's not as painful and I just I think I just value the weirdest things in life I don't I don't really value much unfortunately I don't have hobbies I don't have it everybody always asks me what books do you read what do you I don't watch tv I don't have hobbies I don't read books I can't tell you where I get any of this information from other than I like people and I watch people and I ask people a million questions if I speak to people I ask questions so I'm learning about humans all the time that's the only thing I would say so that's why I don't really compete much doesn't bring I fucking love that the competitive side that like I feel as if it's it's healthy but again it can be it's very healthy for a man I just it's great for the testosterone yeah yeah and it's great for dominating a hierarchy yeah so it's a really important quality for a man to like a competitiveness that he loses his masculinity yeah yeah you should care like people I'm so fascinated with people like I don't read as much books as I should but I just try and understand people and understand oh wait a minute and then by spoken I learn you ask the question what was it you asked something about what did you what's the what if you learned the most or something oh yeah nobody's got it figured out you nobody's got to figure that the relationships what jobs should we be doing what's what purpose how much money should we be making everything because people might drink and take drugs there was a time when I'd done that and it made sense I loved it but then eventually you go spike up and you come crashing down those good nights become bad and then you're chasing it and there's a bit cost to those good nights the next day drink coffee yes I do yeah oh one a day or something in the morning out of habit and I don't even like the taste but I do drink coffee do you drink coffee no why have you stopped or why did you never just another another other drink I just felt as if it was another form of an addiction yeah it's a pseudo it doesn't actually give you much count it doesn't actually give you much but it just looks cool to have a coffee and then you'll see people wait a minute I just think man where the fuck are you sucking on okay well addictions usually are there to numb something so if you have an addiction try and figure out the pain yeah would he think keeps a good marriage I think a relationship I think the only thing that will keep a good relationship is your partner's well-being matters both of you yeah you care about each other's well-being I care about what's upsetting him I care about what he's how he's feeling and similarly if he shows a level of care of my feelings what will happen is we'll naturally make decisions that make each other happier whereas if I genuinely don't care about his well-being and he genuinely doesn't care about me even if we are my well-being what makes me feel safe or secure if we don't take an interest in what each other's well-being is well do behave is that naturally stab at the relationship until it breaks down so it's caring about each other's well-being what do you think of depression I think it is unlocked potential poor connections and seeking highs and that's what as a result all of that come together and then you get into a chemical in balancing it causes depression so I think people who are not fulfilling their potential in life maybe they're not doing what they should be doing in terms of work what they should be doing in terms of their body in terms of who the relationship they're not fulfilling their potential people who are not connecting with people around them they're not helping they're not giving back they're not forming meaningful connections and people who are just constantly numbing their pain like either through alcohol, drugs people like sex whatever it is they're going to find themselves in a chemical imbalance and have depression but they love the idea that it's genetic and it's just in them that's not true it's behavioural what do you think of the suicide rate being higher than men why do you think that is? because they don't have an outlet when they are feeling depressed and low when I'm feeling depressed and low I have hundreds of people I can tell and I can share my sorrows and then I'm okay to express it and release it for men they don't have that outlet and they're told that they can't talk to women you can't talk to a man you can't do this so they lock it up inside and there's pressure on them to achieve and that combination of not being able to achieve and not being able to express leads to suicidal thoughts if you were prime minister and you could make changes to make the world a better place what changes would you make? I would make an equal distribution of wealth I think the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer creates a society of unrest whereas when there's equal opportunities as in we give people the opportunity for everybody to be as successful as they want to be rather than just making the rich get away with no taxes and the poor just suffering more and more I think if we create a society where people are no longer in survival mode we will have a healthier society and I've seen it in Dubai there's nobody in survival mode really you get poor workers who are not on a lot of money but they get housing and stuff so nobody's in survival mode and when people are taken out of survival mode they can be kind but when you're creating a society that's built on homelessness taxes charges for cost of living all this stuff people are in survival no one is compassionate and empathetic when they're in survival mode What do you think of the trans movement?   I like Andrew yeah I like Andrew we speak quite regularly and stuff and you know we agree we say that we agree on about 80% or 70% of things we agree on a lot of things I disagree on a few things and when we disagree we can converse like adults and kind of find a logical conclusion but it's nothing personal and just because somebody has a different opinion doesn't mean they're a bad person in certain things so I really enjoy watching his content and stuff what do you think about Andrew? yeah listen I like the guy I've had he's back before they get charged when they get charged and now I've always had these back had them on a podcast very out there but the thing before the podcast that we've done he says he was going to have some fun he knows how to push buttons he wasn't as big and I don't think he realized he would have got as big obviously a lot of the footage can come back and bite you in the ass but he does say a lot of stuff to get bites to get clicks you know exactly what he was doing yeah he knows the game I ain't a judge or a jury which I always say but I can only and he's got a good presence and he seems to have a good day a lot of charisma yeah he owns a room he owns a room yeah and you can see why girls would fall for that yeah he's got a lot of charisma he's got a lot of charm and he owns a room but he's still polite and kind so I don't see what the big issue but then here's the thing I have controversial issues without controversial opinions and I didn't realize so I think I didn't realize that truth was so offensive and a lot of things that he says are true some of the things I disagree with but it doesn't mean it's not true it's just I disagree yeah same as you I agree with a lot of stuff same as Andrew it doesn't mean he's wrong I feel as if all these men and having multiple women I just don't see I don't care what any of the agency says from one belief I just don't see anything positive that would ever come from that yeah I just from one experience and having multiple women and I just it was so damaging to the mind yeah it's damaging to everybody involved and it was so when I just felt was if I was it wasn't in a good place and yeah that I'm only speaking from experience I feel as if listen like you say Herbal's beliefs it could be that could be the thing yeah won't have four wives yeah it could be could be a thing but for me I just know how hard that is to fucking please one so and now I don't I don't envy it but I just think yeah I think there's certain things I disagree but doesn't mean just because you could disagree with someone they're awful it's just an opinion opinion doesn't you shouldn't you shouldn't as a human over identify with your opinions if your opinion means so much to you you don't have enough going on in your life so if someone disagrees with you it doesn't mean you have to hate them why do you think alcohol is so glorified it's a form of escapism and now that we're living lives that are more and more empty and vacuous we want to escape from it and find something to enjoy because we're not actually fulfilling our meaning and purpose in life anymore so alcohol provides a perfect escapism and the other thing is because most people are suppressing themselves especially I've noticed in English culture because there's such a God I can't say anything feminists are going to get upset can't say anything gay people are going to get upset can't say anything trans people so they're suppressing themselves so so much all the time that alcohol is the only time that they can be themselves sometimes so it's the only time they have a release and I think that's why they depend on it so much and I think this particular why English culture depend on it so much they're not allowed to be themselves anymore it's scared because I used to drink for confidence yeah now I can walk into a room and I own the fucking room and I always disappear we call it a smoke bombing yeah because I was at a wedding my friend's wedding who I've been friends with from twet year mad bastard then I stayed for three hours then I just disappear yeah that's what I'm not drinking does feel the everything changes people can really touch it feel the time again I'm just gone you show your face you say hi but then you leave and you leave at a respectable hour yeah that's what I like about not drinking if somebody comes to you depressed so I say they'll hate in life what's your go-to advice for them first thing I ask them do they take a drink of drugs first do you I ask them what do you value and they'll and usually when people are depressed they're valuing the wrong things they might say I don't feel pretty anymore I don't have any girls I don't have any guys I don't have I am I'm not making enough money and so I first assess their values and when we value junk when we value junk we're always going to feel depressed because we think we want more junk and it's not fulfilling so I firstly look at their values and then I ask them to assess their connections with people have they got good connections with people are they being authentic are they kind people are they giving back I look at their connection with people and the final thing is I look at their potential and are they fulfilling their potential are they making excuses are they constantly saying I can't do this because of that I can't get the way I want because of that I'm not doing this and then I strip those three things it's their values their connections and their potential and then that's how I try and get rid of depression without any medication how do you separate from being a psychologist to being a family member and a friend because I do interviews and some of them are dark and I think man that was fucking heavy sometimes I don't really I don't rate a rakey course which is like healing energy but then I don't really do it on myself but I just struggle to separate both I feel as if this is me 24 so I'm quite fucking intense man and I miss that when I talk about I miss the old James because James used to laugh everything was a laugh and everybody I just feel as if I became more serious I don't know if it's because I'm hearing more serious stories but can you separate are we just growing up or can you separate a psychologist to a family member? yeah what happens is I don't have much social battery left so what happens is I have very very limited social skills at the end of the day I only want like the people I genuinely love and it can be myself even my friends my friendships are suffering because I don't have the ability to connect anymore and they're always messaging I miss you I haven't seen you in so long this that and the other and instead of seeing it as oh that's nice I'm like oh stop overwhelming me and I almost get like mean rather than a grateful so I'm feeling like I'm running out of social battery and it's particularly when I meet people in public what will happen is when I meet people in public most of the time they're just very quick and like nice and lovely and say oh we like blah blah but sometimes they'll be like oh I'm getting married in the summer and this is this happening this is this happening and I can't have that conversation and my brain is fried when's the last time you cried? last time I would have cried would have been probably a couple of weeks ago I haven't seen my nephew in a while and I have anything to do with him I get a bit emotional which is why I wonder how men who've been separated from their kids I don't know how they do because if I don't see him for a while I get really upset so I don't know how men do that by the way all women men are very good at switching off yeah I guess and blocking things when was the last time you cried? I think a couple of days ago music makes me cry yeah so does I listen to music sometimes I think about dying and how people react to my funeral I want everybody sad I think people will come just to make sure I'm dead I literally can't imagine anybody reacting that badly except for my dad I think the rest of them will be like you know what it's probably needs to be safer for her to just get taken what is that? thinking about your funeral do you ever think that? I think about death it is a it's a tiny symptom of depression is that? yeah well I must have been depressed for the last time so I thought I could play that my funeral yeah and then I started visualising when people cry and I'm hope so like I talk about people living their life and getting over I want everybody fucking distraught well what happens to the tiny symptom of depression is they see the future is bleak so they'll go to when they think about the future they'll talk about the funeral or the cancer or something like that rather than like you know the other things and this is the power of now yeah living in the present moment yeah us listening to each other's voice we can't multitask yeah so we don't know depression if you're in the moment yeah a lot of depression stems from people living in the past not focusing too much in the future what do you think of words? because I swear a lot and sometimes I like to joke around but words are so powerful what do you think of the way you speak? well the thing is I am one of those people that I've got a really terrible tongue when I'm angry just as articulate as I am in interviews I'm just as articulate in arguments so I can say something really mean without realizing and it won't and you can say the meanest thing to me and I won't drop a sweat but I can say something and it will kill somebody which is my words I don't recognize the power of words because I'm quite immune to them but people are super super sensitive with words and words can destroy relationships and they can stay in people's minds forever so if you do have a powerful tongue try and use it positively I personally don't all the time I definitely get really rude and stuff but I wish I didn't do that it's a very mean trait do you find relationship harder or easier being a psychologist but then overanalyzing? harder way harder way way way harder overanalyzing overanalyzing predicting problems being able to rationalize all your mistakes so thinking you're right in situations where you're not right and being naive being completely dumb is a gift it's a gift people that are dumb and naive and don't understand anything they get through life easier and happier whereas overthinking overanalyzing predicting problems it's a recipe for disaster what is that always thinking you're right that's me well I don't think something unless I've done a lot of research or I really understand it so I try and only say things that I believe but it keeps you fragile when you always think you're right you don't question yourself and then you don't grow so we should always go through life with the belief that I could be wrong yeah you should almost say it all the time I could be wrong I could be wrong I do say that I talk about it in general relationships I always feel as if I know best yeah but we don't I'm not talking about in life that I'm always open minded but in relationships I feel I know best yeah it's not bad I do that a lot as well yeah it's bad yeah it's negative where do you go forward for the future professionally or personally or everything where do I go forward yeah where do I see myself no I do I can't tell you I don't even know how I got here to begin with so I have no idea where I'll be I'll be wherever God takes me and wherever for as long as people want to hear it I'll be happy to talk when they don't want to hear it I had a great run and I'm very grateful to everybody why are you so unsure about that because I can't understand how why it's working I'm just like what is going on and I'm confused like how has this happened but I'm very grateful and I didn't know that it would ever have this much of an impact but if it is having an impact I almost see it as my five minutes I always even to my parents I'll be like listen guys I don't know how long this is going to last so da da da and I talk like that isn't that bad yeah it's bad so I'm not a psychologist but what I'm very good at is reading people's mail now you talk about being competitive you're not competitive because you just let you like to lose and then you're saying five minutes of hate but deep inside I really think I'm flavour of the month yeah deep inside you want it to work it's already working what is that I just think I prepare for the worst in general is that safer for you I always prepare for the worst in general I'm always okay with the worst case scenario and what it does is it helps me detach from the joy and excitement and not get too caught up in whatever's going on so I always prepare for worst-case scenario maybe it's a low self esteem thing or whatever it is self sabotage thing but I'm genuinely seeing it as I'm flavour of the month it's five minutes of fame and I'm sure I'll be like working as an Uber driver in a year or so but what happens if you actually think the best of it what happens if you actually think about taking it to new heights and believing in yourself when next time you race on there for you trip them up well yeah I mean if I dream big God willing it might be something amazing but I just can't imagine caring enough yeah all humans see I care too much I can't imagine caring enough I care too much because sometimes people are like oh you should try and have a talk show you should try and do this usually I'm like you think I'm gonna wake up at this time and invest in a I don't even have a tripod to film my shit so I was just like oh god that's a lot of work so anything that involves manual labour or effort I tap out isn't that terrible yeah but what you're doing is working for you praise be to God yeah whatever you're doing is working for you and you're not daft the vulgar different characters you're on the ball even though you say you know what's not working you know exactly what's fucking working yeah I guess I guess the blasenas of it is working and the cutthroatness of it is working so I guess the fact that there's no team there's no one telling you what to say what to write what to pose the authenticity is working and I'm very grateful for that I want people to get a lot of things out of this podcast and hopefully they go well just like I said you can listen to a motivational speaker and it will change your life for a couple of us but just what advice would you have for anybody that it's in that dark space right now male and female and abusive relationships or struggling mentally feel as if that you can't give anymore what advice would you have for them I would say try your best to have a vision of where you see yourself in the future and look at the behaviours you're engaging in right now are they making that future version of yourself more likely or less likely if you are engaging in any kind of highs numbness denial poor decision making just stop stop those and stop problem solving every wherever you find here's the thing in life you can't control pain you're going to get painful events people are going to die something's going to happen but you can control suffering suffering is just your emotional response to poor decisions have a look at all your decisions that I've led to this point and chances are there's been poor decisions poor decisions poor decisions try and change those decisions into ones that will be constructive and I promise you you'll see a change in your life what is anger it is lack of perspective and what I mean by that is you push past me on the street and I'll be like fuck you blah blah but if you push past me and I realise that you're blind straight away I change my perspective and I'm like I'm sorry so perspective will take the same behaviour and either make you retaliate with anger or with compassion so when we get angry is we haven't taken perspective we haven't tried to understand what's caused this person to feel this way and if it's you you can take accountability if it's not you you cannot make it personal and not get angry so either way it could be avoided if we have perspective do you believe people can change no isn't that wild as a therapist I think you I think you just lost half that vibe too I think you can improve and I think you can get better but I don't think people change and nor should you want to I think a part of good mental health is accepting the person you are working on the things that you need to work on but also embracing the parts of you that will always be you what about people who cheat then I do think that there it's a coping mechanism and so until they change or find out what caused that coping mechanism they'll always cheat scared ain't it yeah they'll always cheat it's their way of coping yeah I hope people get a lot from this like I say it's kind of God willing it's a strong conversation it's good opinions and good beliefs on certain things like I say stay open-minded it could be full of shit we're all full of shit I could be wrong you could be wrong we could be wrong would you like to finish up on anything no just thank you so much for having me I really appreciate your platform what's all your social media and stuff for people to get involved and make their comments yeah and troll me like you always do because you do one on one coach as well for anybody struggling and I like that listen I've went to therapy and I think nah man I just felt as if I couldn't take advice from somebody I feel as if I was doing better then they never had that very vibe they never had that frequency and I thought you're not on it I felt as if because they were drinking and stuff and I felt I'm not doing that why should they were taking that's the way I was thinking but I don't know if that's the control of nature no I can understand that I can understand that but I just felt as if I can't really be vulnerable with you because I feel as if I could help you yeah do you struggle to take your own advice I don't take any of mine but I'm a mess why is that same I'm feeling I can change something comes to me I can change that way with that thinking and the heart beating it's so wild because I'll be giving advice and then my partner will hear me and he'll be like did you hear that did you write a note about what you just said psychotic yeah it's like absolute psych so the thing is it's just I'm not very great I'm taking my own advice because I can rationalize the alternative of not taking my advice but I'm like yeah but I don't need to because da da da but I do one-to-one coaching I like one-to-one coaching because it keeps my content current if I know what's going on in people's lives I can tell you how to fix it on my social media if I remove that element then I'll never know what's going on on the ground so I like to keep my one-to-one coaching I also have a Patreon where I go into more detail because I touch on lots of topics on podcasts but I go into detail in the one to in the Patreon and of course there's YouTube and Instagram and TikTok which is at Sardia Psychology legend thank you so much nice to have a great conversation I'm with you nothing but the best for the future Angie I'll have you back on we'll have a good discussion maybe have an another couple of people yeah we'll get Andrew on as well yeah I'm a good boy on and I'm back on top of you I wish you nothing but the first you're a good women man and that take care of yourself bless thank you so much