Pretty soon we'll be using sound. I had all these great intentions for this slide deck here, but I got distracted with this whole Cisco ISS thing and never had time to complete it. So here's my elite agenda, as scribbled out at the last moment. We're just going to acknowledge everybody that made this whole show possible, move through them. We're going to have the team members who are running the contests introduce the winners. Maybe the winners will give us a couple of words on what their strategy was, any specific techniques they used to win. We've got some giveaways here. I don't know if you noticed, but the Zone Age guys have created a hacker cartoon or comic book. And the second episode came out exclusively at Defcon. And now it's on their website. And we've got to about maybe 50 or 60 autographed CDs here. We're going to every once in a while throw out. But I don't want to throw it so hard. I'll take out your eyes. I'm only going to probably throw it kind of in the front here. OK, if you're willing to give me a verbal disclaimer of liability, OK, we're going to do a distributed attack here. Do not despair. We also have some limited edition frack magazines that we're going to be throwing out in a minute here. So we're just waiting for them to get put together. And then we'll be tossing the fracks out in between these different sessions. OK, you've got to be on your toes. OK, so first off, Defcon 13 would not have been possible without all of the speakers. So let's give a round of applause to the speakers, if you were. We had record participation from speakers from around the world. And this is the first time we've really seriously tried to track all the countries they've come from. And we also spent an enormous amount of time this year reviewing them, the most amount of speeches we've had to reject, and the most amount of time we've spent reviewing them. But how many people were here last year? Raise your hand. OK, how many people that were here last year think the speeches maybe were a little better this year than last year? You say it's about the same? You didn't see any when you were here last year, because you were too busy partying. Well, the feedback we've gotten has been pretty positive so far. And I'm constantly trying to make it a better show. So send us some email, tell us what speeches you liked, which ones you didn't, things you liked about the show, and things you didn't. And we're already planning for next year. Also want to bring Zach up here on stage. He's my director of operations. He makes sure the trains run on time. Without Zach's help, the hotel would never have been a functioning show. Well, I'm over at Caesars. He's here wrangling all the cats, herding all the cats, trying to make this all possible. So both of us would like to thank the staff. If you're a staff member at DEFCON 13, please stand up, wave your hands, and let's give them a round of applause. Come on, guys, all the way around, right on. And just remember, folks, we stay sober, so you don't have to. Hey, also this year, we spent a bit of our ill-gotten gains from DEFCONs of the past and invested heavily in our wireless infrastructure this year. Aruba gave us, as a great deal, a big hefty discount. But it was still pretty expensive for us. But it's also, I think, the first year that we've actually had a really solid wireless network. And so Lockheed, who's been watching over our network, since pretty much the dawn of time, is going to come up and give you a quick overview on the awesome power of the new cyber network interweb. So Lockheed, where is Lockheed? There he is. OK, come on down. Here are the network stats on the screen for those of you who can't hear. All right, so Shelf Hands, who was actually brave enough to get on the public DEFCON network? The rest of you are pussies. All right, so this year, we registered over 2,200 users on the wireless network over the last three and a half days. That accounted for over 3,800 DHCP leases, which compared to last year's up about 1,500 users. So on top of that, we had over twice as many APs deployed this year as we did last year. Normally, we're lucky to scare up eight or 10. But of course, thanks to DT's generosity of opening the vault, we have some stable and consistent hardware this year. Over the last 30, 40 hours, we've seen 215 man-of-the-mill attacks and over 80 DOS attacks. And they were, yes, I expect better next year. We've seen 130 rogue access points, which, the Aruba has a very nice interface. You select the rogue access point and you click Disable. We usually do five or 10 at a time. It's better that way. We saw 300 wireless bridges. So obviously, people were very active on wireless. And we saw 836 attempts at spoofing the AP MAC addresses. They failed. In addition to that, you people are all very, very naughty because you downloaded over 12 gigs of prawn. And that's only since the power outage yesterday morning. Next year, we hope to have even more bandwidth. So I have high expectations of all of you. And who here from the network team is here? Come up. Come up. Get. I only have about half the team here because the rest of them ignored Zach's rules and went out and got wasted last night. Oh, Derek, get up here. Derek. And the man in the hat is the man who has done most of the work behind DCTV. So let's have a round of applause for Derek. Derek and his cohorts are down here from Canada. We're in their full-time jobs. I don't know if you get paid or not. They actually run a internet TV and radio station called Rant Radio. So make sure you guys tune into that. So we've been here all week. And we're going to go have a beer now. Thanks. Actually, before Loc goes, he should tell the story of how he got here in his nice car. Loc's a little story. Some of you may have noticed some subliminal messages. I think Loc should explain that. We're very lucky Loc's even here today. All right, so since we actually had to be here last weekend to start setting up, we decided that it was worth risking life in limb to make it happen. So driving up from LA in a fully loaded car with most of Jeff's gear, we decided to come down through the rain towards Nevada into state line. If you're familiar with I-15, you know the hill I'm talking about. Well, the California Department of Transportation was very nice to patch some of the tar recently. And if you know what happens when it's been very, very hot, new tar, suddenly torrential rains. Well, being that I had a front-wheel drive car and all the gear was in the back, traction went out the window. The car spun across lanes of traffic twice, hit the sandy median, and laws of physics kicked in. We had a little bit too much momentum to actually stop, at which point we decided to bounce the car twice. We walked away largely uninjured, and I'm proud to say that the Pelican case has protected all the wireless gear. If you've been watching DCTV and watching the update channel, periodically you've been seeing the subliminal messaging. If you've noticed a picture of a Green's 2002 Saab 9.5, that used to be mine. I may need to write back to LA later on, thanks. OK, next up we're going to have Russ Rogers speak a little bit about the DEF CON groups. This is something we launched at DEF CON two years ago, and it's taken off at a phenomenal rate, more than we ever expected. And we've been so busy with the show, we've finally gotten around to accepting an official DEF CON groups logo. That's the logo you see in the lower right hand corner. So that will be the new logo for your group. And I want to give Russ a chance to go over a little bit about the DEF CON groups, some stats, and then we'll move on to the next stage. All right, we actually started the DC groups three DEF CONs ago, so it's been two years. This is the third conference. We started out with six groups that were brave enough to try this out. And today we're sitting at about 94 groups all around the world, 30 of those are international. And when we say international, there's 20 different countries, including Iran, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, and Brazil, and Uruguay. And if you think about how difficult it is just to be a hacker in those countries, imagine trying to start a DEF CON group. So we really appreciate those folks trying to get together and keep the bond together for DEF CON there. All right, if you're interested in starting one, we're totally open for that. Send an email to DCgroups at DEF CON.org. We'll get back to you. I would like to shout out and say thanks to Noid for running the mailing list for this thing. He stays very busy. I'd like to thank Michelle Snakebite for answering all the emails that come in over and over with requests for information. Apparently about half of the people that request information for starting a group have no idea how to read an HTML FAQ file. So she responds to all those as pleasantly as possible after you've received about 200 of them. Also like to shout out to Black Beetle. She's the one that keeps the website updated. And as most of you know, she keeps program for DEF CON running as well.   As Jeff said, this is the new DCG logo. It's very cool. We were kind of talking about being able to put your city name, country name, or area code underneath the word DEF CON groups. So I'd like to see that go out, maybe a bunch of badges and stuff like that next year. If you have questions, email me at DCgroups. Oh, and if you are the author of this, or can social engineers to believe you are, let us know because there is something in it for you, all right? And we appreciate the work. Yeah, we lost the contact information. No, no, it wasn't hacked. I dropped my laptop. Yeah, it was hacked. Across the APs. Sweet. OK, so this next slide is basically a summary of all the contests we could find and all the people responsible for running all the contests. And I think the scavenger hunt, war drive, LP Constance or lock picking con, but we didn't have enough space to spell it out. Robot Wars, Wi-Fi shoot out, scavenger hunt, beverage cooling contest. It was originally the beer cooling contest, but we figured there were some underage people and we wanted them to be able to play. Coffee Wars, amateur CTF, slogan contest, hacker jeopardy, CTF, and the cannonball run. Each one of these people, if there was any real activity in their contest, they're going to come up here, have a couple of minutes to explain what happened. We're going to build on up to the grand finale, which is the CTF put on by Kenshoto this year. How many people stopped by and watched the CTF?  Yeah, good job to Kenshoto. That was a really smooth transition from ghetto to Kenshoto, so that's pretty hot. OK, so again, what do you know? Russ, who also happens to be in charge of all the contests, is going to go through them all. But before that begins, we have strategically located six goons in the audience with limited edition, frack printed books, very few of them because the printers in Europe, once they realized they were printing a hacking book, refused to print the book. That's a hacker book. Can't print that. So that happened about a week before the show, so there's no time to reprint it until they found two guys whose names are listed on the front of the book. Over at UNLV, who just cranked out 200 copies as fast as they could, spiral bound them. So we've been going through them throughout the con. You might have seen some of your friends with them. There's very few left. I think there's only like 20 or 30 left. And those are the ones we're going to be throwing into the audience about now. Come on. I've just got a request. If anybody has found a set of keys, can you please turn them into hotel security if you found anything? This poor guy has lost his keys, and he's really stressed out and could really use his keys. So help him out. That'd be cool. No, they're all safety deposit keys. OK, so I'm going to pass it off to Russ. You're going to take it from here? All right, we've got some semblance of order here. I'll apologize now if we get off track here. We had about a dozen different contests running this year. I'll show a hand to participate in any contest at all. All right. Are the contests a good thing? Do you like that? No. All right. So there's about 500 that do, and then one guy who hasn't apparently ever tried one at all. If you have ideas for new contests, please shoot me an email, russadefcon.org. All right, so let's start with the beverage cooling contraption contest. This was the first year for this. It was an unofficial event, but we figured we'd try it out and see how it worked. This is deviant, and he will explain what it was and how it worked and hand out his cool swag. Thank you, Russ. Hey, how's everyone? Owned. Who's been seeing these little lighter bottle opener deals hanging around the conference? They were the giveaways for participating in the beer cooling contraption. Cannot throw them? Well, then come find me, because I can't fly home with these bitches. So we only had four participants this year. It was really fun, though. I was very proud of everybody. And I'd like to just invite all of them, all four teams, because everyone did a really great job. So could we have Render Man? Could we have Noid and Lil' Freak? Could we have Bacchus and DC 702 if any one of them is here?  So overall, the mission in this game was just to take a room temperature beverage, which was out in the Las Vegas heat all day, flush it through a device of your own design and see if it can come out drinkable and cold and perfect. And everyone, oh, thank you. That's a private deal. So yeah, everyone did a great job. Overall, we decided DC 702's contraption was probably the most efficient, because it got the job done without blowing beer cans up and without too much ice in the beverage. Yeah, they had a nice coil that they flushed through a cooling system. They had a pump, a funnel. It was a really, really efficient job. So we have beer buckets for everybody. We have lighters.  But in addition to that, I was very impressed with everyone else on different levels. Render Man actually wins the just elegant, efficient, sort of simplistic device. He just took a Styrofoam cooler, filled it with isopropyl alcohol, which has a very low freezing point, and dumped in dry ice until it was this soupy negative 40 degree vat. We actually tested it was negative 62. And I just thought that was genius in its simplicity. So once we got around, beer's exploding. And yeah, danger to our hands. That was terrific, though. Bacchus, Bacchus' contraption was a Peltier cooler, which I hoped someone was going to rig up. And even though it wasn't the most efficient, he promises that next year he's going to not only refine it, but use the hot side of the junction to power nacho cheese. And we thought Noiden Little Freak weren't going to make it. But they did show up with just in true Def Con brute force style, a giant tank of liquid nitrogen, which they just proceeded to pour straight on the can. And security was then involved. So that's always a Def Con event to me. You guys did a great job. I had a blast. I hope everyone else did, too. And I want to see people come back next year and submit some more designs. Yes, free beer is always good. Render Man's got all those lighters.  I want to have a time out of the room. Very cool. Thanks, guys. While I've got a minute and I see Dan Kaminsky standing back there, did you ever get your clothes that you lost at the pool last night? I lost. We still have a t-shirt, a bathing suit, and knee pads. Oh, sorry. It was only one knee pad. Oh, it's an elbow pad. Right. Yes, he has not picked it up. It is right here. This gentleman. Do you see it, Dan? Raise your hand again. Show him his clothes. Yeah. All right, so you two hook up. I don't want to know how you got them either. All right, so. All right, before I go into any more, I do want to mention that we had two contests.  All right, the first of those is the IP appliance.  All right, that was Icarus. It's actually network-controlled. And DC480 put that together as a demo for the contest. Apparently, it was fairly intimidating because everybody else backed out at the last minute and decided not to come. All right, I do want to thank those guys. They put a lot of effort into making that device to show people how to do it. So hopefully next year it'll go up. The last one is VirusX put together the amateur CTF. And this is for those of us who are not lead enough to play with the guys in the big room. So we've got our own little baby crib in the other room. But I think they made it a little bit too difficult for even us because I don't think anybody hacked it at all. I never heard back from them, so we may have scared them out of town, too. So for the next contest, I want to call Fufas and Madhat up for the coffee wars. What, did you guys win? No, we'll stand up so everyone knows that you... All right, these are the guys that put on the amateur CTF.  All right, so let's do coffee wars. I want to bring up Madhat and Fufas and they can talk about all you caffeinated people out there. So every year coffee wars is pretty unique and you're probably all thinking, oh, here comes the part where he tells everyone that hook one again. And he actually declined this year. He decided that his back-to-back championships were enough, glory, and he would let someone else have a chance. So we had 21 entries this year and I'm not quite sure yet whether that's an all-time high, but we didn't have any disqualifications. Everybody actually followed the directions, which is a wholly new thing. And so we actually tasted all of those coffees. We had six judges. Each coffee is judged on six criteria, so that's a grand total of 756 boats to tabulate. And by the end of the contest, some of the judges were a little overstimulated. There was some messy writing. They would make strange comments on their forms. And one actually managed to misspell his own name. I don't... I don't see Gurney Halleck here right now, but way to go, man. So we each, we make each rating on a scale of one to 10, and you might think this is imprecise, but I'd like to point out last year, there was an entry, Jamaican Blue Mountain, ostensibly excellent coffee, and it received horrible ratings. And the reason for this was, it turns out the company that was packaging that coffee was a fraud. This was a coffee scam and they were allowing inferior beans to be passed off that way. They're now closed down and so forth, but we detected it, so it's not just random. So anyway. So I tell this story just sort of as a testimony to the collective palette of the judges. Every year, the winner meets with pretty much universal approval, and at this point I'll also mention that for once Jamaican Blue Mountain is not the winner this year. So it's not as though we were unable to appreciate fine coffee in all its forms. So before we announce the winners, we'd like to thank Defcon, Dark Tangent, Black Beetle, Russ and the Goons who help us. Also, as always, the Alexis Park staff, the garbage can was great this year, thank you. And we'd like to send our greetings and best thoughts out to two people who couldn't be with us this year, Allison also, Jay Dyson. So this year's winner, I'm sorry, so there are two categories here. One doesn't get any prize, but we just recognize it. And that's the bang for the buck award and that recognizes the coffee that gets the highest rating at the lowest price. That's like the bargain, excellent coffee. So there's no prize because we have no way of actually verifying what the price was and so we're open to exploits there. But we'd like to recognize Just Ken with his Baltimore on blend. Excellent coffee, scored a total of 6.17 at just $6 a pound. So we actually got an over one bang for the buck rating, which is excellent. Well done, sir, wherever you are. Now this year's winning entry was submitted by one of the judges. And before you all shout, oh conflict of interest, I'll point out first off that the tasting is blind, so nobody knew whose coffee they were tasting. And also that the judge who entered the coffee was the one who gave it the lowest marks, so he's very... So it's not an obvious fraud anyway. And it's all the more fun because last year he was the guy who entered the phony Jamaican Blue Mountain and was duped by that and got just creamed. So the only coffee to break the 7.0 barrier at $30 per pound with a score of 6.67, the winner and undisputed champion is the red lion Kona, entered by Dr. Van Harle. Are you here, sir? We have some prizes for you. Will you say what he won, Matt? All right, so we actually have two prizes for you. One is a T-shirt. On the front it says Defcon 13, coffee wars six, or VI. And on the back it says 21 entries, 3.5 gallons of coffee and VI still wins. I don't like Emacs. The other prize we have for you is a five port instant gigabit work group switch because everybody needs more speed. Cool, thanks, guys. Okay, so the guy that lost his keys is now offering a $50 reward. He can have my keys. All right, so next, and they've already been told they're limited in time. Is the Wi-Fi shootout?  Dave? Thanks, Russ. Yeah, I've been told I have limited time even though I'm from Oklahoma, I'm gonna try and talk really, really fast. Thanks, Jeff, the Defcon staff. Russ, you've always been nice to us and you sure appreciate it. I'll get the shameless promotion out of the way first and thank Wired Magazine, Trapeze Networks, Jeff Atec, Air Magneto, Riley Books, Pacific Wireless, Netgear Pasadena Networks, Natopia, and the Always Cool Jinks. All right, now, on to the cool stuff. The contest this year was a really outrageous adventure at the top of a mountain with one of those precarious roads, you know, where you look over the side as you go up and you saw a bear to the left at an elevation of about 6,200 feet above sea level. I'll tell you about the other end here in a minute. Two teams in the contest really stood out. From New York City, 4DI, why don't you guys come on up? Yeah.  Cause it's gonna take you guys a while. Brian, you did an excellent job. These guys came all the way from New York City and even though they had equipment malfunctions, they entered in the commercial only category and even with their problems, they still did a respectable 10.18 miles. Please, please take your swag. Oh, wait, don't go yet. You also get one of those. Yeah, so that's fun. So thanks, you guys, you were spectacular. The other team that stood out in the contest is iFiber Redwire. Even though there's four guys here, they actually came with their moms and their dads and their girlfriends and their friends and they had a crew of what, 15 or something? Nine, well it looked like 15. They drove here from Cincinnati. There's a kind of a long involved story. They started out in a big Greyhound bus that broke down twice and is now sitting in Denver. They ended up here, they drove to the top of the mountain on the very narrow road with a big U-Haul, hauling a big trailer. They had an incline of about this most of the way and actually got there. I was quite impressed. Their equipment was very impressive to me. It consisted of a homemade antenna and this is at both ends, by the way, on the mountain out in the field. A homemade antenna element mounted on a 12 foot surplus satellite dish that this outrageous setup of brackets and support structure, they had welded together themselves and scaffolding. There was even a sling added to support this gentleman's broken foot which he broke in the line of duty of the contest. Yeah, it's getting better though, right?  The, these guys epitomized preparedness in a way that only perhaps Boy Scouts could understand. They brought everything, I think including the kitchen sink, but you left it in Denver with the bus, right? They drove, they sent part of their team to a small town in Utah. The mountain in the Vegas area was Mount Potosi which is about what, 22 miles southwest of Las Vegas. That's where Base Camp was.  Where are you gonna go first? Because we do, the judges do distance confirmations and they said, we're going to Utah. And we said, let's go to Utah. So our guys went to Utah. They also, these guys are also Ham radio operators so it was neat that we could have voice to voice communication back and forth with Ham radio provided by them. They got to Utah. They towed their trailer up part of a mountain side and what I hear was extremely rugged terrain. You know, one of the support brackets, they've got this 12 foot dish bouncing around going up and one of the brackets started to get away so Ben got out and stood on the trailer and held the dish in place as it's going up the mountain. First they said, they did two impressive things. I'll mention one of them first which is they had an amplified setup, okay? They had these 300 milliwatt clients that they were using mounted at the feed points or at the antenna setup that they dialed down to about 30 milliwatts but they had some inline amplifiers. They were three watt, yeah, that they used and using that setup, they did a 11 mag connection of 125 miles. But wait, there's more. They then took the amplifiers offline, took them out of the setup and doing an unamplified shot of 125 miles. For three hours with the same 11 mag transfer. What would you say that your total gain output was on each end? 30, yeah, yeah, I thought that sounded light. 37 DBI on each end. So, hence the 125, they did calculations.  They felt like if they could just go through straight air to nothing else you could do three to 500 miles. So, rock on. So, they not only won those two categories obviously in the contest but they are also the grand prize winners in the contest. The 125 miles is a new world's record for what they've done, unamplified. So, gentlemen, you get these. You get all of that. Now, I was gonna bring my kitchen timer with me to see how long seven minutes was but we also have a little bit of leftover swag that we're gonna toss to you guys. So, thank you so much. It's been great. You guys are like fish in the water.  Oh, they did bring their dish in. It's right out front of the main entrance if you wanna see it after this. So, now we move on to the robot wearers contest. Who got to see it this year? All right, we doubled our contestants. We had two robots. But it was cool as hell. If you got to see it, it was very, very cool. We had the Irvine Underground compete and then we also had a team from Florida compete. The way they've laid the points, actually, where's Kalahar? I'm gonna put him on the spot. Where are you? He's passed out, isn't he? All right. The way they had the points was if it was fully automated and controlled by software, then you got triple the points, all right? If it was totally RC, well, then you don't, okay? The Florida team had a very nice setup, but there wasn't, it wasn't so much software controlled. It was RC controlled. The Irvine Underground group, however, where's Tacitus? Where is he? Is he here? Oh, there he is. That guy writes some incredible robotic software. The aiming system on their robot was totally automated. All they had to do was go through the maze, pick up the balls, take it back, and turn it on. And what happened was it would take these ping pong balls, load them, and then auto target based on visual images and knock the cans off the wall. Very, very cool. Unfortunately, they still lost. All right, so if I ever get around to it, I've got about three and a half gigs of digital video of these things, all three rounds, and we're gonna stream it from the DEF CON site. Really like to see more entrance next time. So at first, let's bring up the IVU guys. I do have something for them. All right, so these two are the guys from Irvine Underground. Originally, this Robo sapien was gonna go to the winning team, but since we didn't have anybody in the IP appliance, I figured we'd give it to these guys. They work their butts off. That robot is so cool. If you missed it this year, don't miss it next year. It was really awesome. All right, so a big round of applause for these guys. Oh, hey. Yeah, can you tell us about your robot real quick? You can. Robot drove through the maze. It did line-pauling through the maze, for the most part. We were able to take over in software and drove by RC if we needed to, because there were some seams.  It was the last minute thing, you know, these last minute things. It goes up a conveyor belt, goes into a hopper, drives back through the maze, stops at a certain location. Hey, stage fright, cool.  We have an adapter that we custom lay, thanks to our client if he's out there. It brings down the paintball adapter to an air compressor hose. Air compressor hose goes to a one-half inch PVC barrel. PVC barrel tracks on XY servos with gear motors so it can handle the weight. Looks for circles. Looks for three circles in a row and finds the circles, goes to the firing location, fires. And we were going to get the shot that would have taken us over in the points and our time ran out. So, it was, it was fun. I give major props to our team. They did a great job. They'll be up here soon. And thanks to Quig and Arclight for who really helped us out too. Echo, everyone else who helped on the team. You all are great people. Good job. And also a big thank you to Calahar for building such an incredible arena for the event. It was spectacular. Very, very good job. I want to see more robots next year. Hey, if we double again, we'll have four. All right, so where's Tommy? Let's talk about the cannon raw, the cannon ball. Cannon raw. That's nice. Come on up, Tommy Pickles. Oh, wait, hang on. Damn it. Sit down for a second. I forgot the winning team. Where's the winning team? Where's our Florida guys? Come up, please. I don't have a drink. Oh, it gives me water. I'll take it. But the thing is, you don't know what's in here, right? I'm going to start talking, like, win in a minute. These guys, they did a fantastic job. I know there were a lot of different designs out there for bots that were trying to do what these guys did. God. For picking up the ping pong balls, I'm going to let them explain it in a minute. But what we're giving them as a prize, they're actually going to get the Roomba Discovery. This is, the RoboSapien and this are both thanks to UAT, who actually shelled out a shitload of money on this stuff, all right? This is hackable, all right? There are tons of ways to do this. They'll also get the traditional black badges for winning the contest. So I'm going to go ahead and let them explain what's going on, how their robot worked, while I get their black badges. So, here you go. Main thing was it was not a robot. It was a vehicle. The Irvine, they had the AI. We did not. I feel kind of bad about that. But we had a choice about three months before. I had trouble with my AI, and I decided that I wanted to have a functional system. So I switched the whole thing over to RC at the last minute, which was a whole lot easier. How it ends up working is it's pretty basic. We had fans on the back. The fans turned on. These were RC fans for airplanes. They were pretty powerful. And this is why in the third round, which you never thought it would go three rounds, it would go for one 15-minute session, and that'd be it. But we ended up going three rounds for whatever. And it just was not meant to get. Actually, this actually worked this weekend for the first time. We actually put it together. I got to put it together, and then we shipped it out. So when I got it here, I put it together. So we're even lucky it didn't work. The RC fans basically sucked in one direction. We had three of them. They sucked in the balls. There was a hopper for them to hold in two, for a staging area. We reversed the fans, and they pushed them up through a section, which was to a loading mechanism, which went into a tube, which was controlled by a compressor, which we pulled out of a, the Stingma jiggies, if you get a flat, you got to pump up your car tire. What? Let's go to the microphone. Oh, yeah. You got to pump up your tire. Electronic, you plug into your car. Air compressor, it was electronic air compressor. We pulled that out and hooked that up. We had our camping fuel tank, and we had air going. This was totally rigged up. It was all made out of, actually, sheet metal and rivets. It was pretty much all handmade. The guy was not able to be here, but he's an Emmy, and he basically rigged up the whole thing and did a great job, I hooked up electronics, and that was pretty much it. Yeah. There you go.  All right, so that was really freaking cool. If you didn't get to see it, honestly, you missed a lot. It was awesome. All right, Tommy, this time, for sure, I swear. Thank you. First of all, I'd like to say thank you to Def Con and the staff for letting us put up for trouble for four years now. This was the fourth annual Def Con Cannonball run. Last year, as you know, that KTLA inference came over to the start line and called us a bunch of alcoholics and drunk drivers. I would have had a bigger prize here if I wasn't such an alcoholic. I wanna give a shout out and thanks to the five teams who actually placed in the race. We had eight teams show up, one of them being an RV that came down from Northern California, but unfortunately, we only have a certain amount of time where we could put the time clock in the bar because the rest of us get drunk and we lose things. Speaking of, I did lose a video camera that has Cannonball footage in it. You can have the camera. I just want the footage.  Weisswoppers, which was me. Team Jew and always Team Sodomy. It was a quick race. Team Sodomy actually was picked as probably the favorite since he won two out of the three races so far and lives in Las Vegas, so he travels out in the morning to drive out to Redondo Beach in California to race back. This year, we had three teams that drove out from Las Vegas and back into California, back to Vegas. Anyway, the fastest time was Team Ninja. Team Ninja did place at three hours and 59 minutes and he did get pulled over. Team Sodomy actually came in second place with four hours and one minute.   So we tried passing him and we were probably doing about 125 miles an hour, where we caught probably a half a mile ahead of him and then all of a sudden he blew by us probably something like 150 because he passed us but like we're standing still. Anyway, Team Ninja is in here but I'd like to bring up Team Sodomy to accept the award since they both live in Las Vegas and probably could see each other tomorrow. So I'll hand it over to Team Sodomy. Hi. I'd like to thank the rest of Team Sodomy who couldn't make it today. They were a little sore. Now Tommy might have said that we were the favorite but when we showed up in our rented Cadillac, it wasn't the favorite. There was a lot of talk of you can't do that but we did and we lost. So it goes. But I wanna say though, if it happens again next year, there's been some talk that it might not make it. It's a lot of fun. It's really easy. Whatever car you got, get in it, get MapQuest and get rolling and that's it. Thanks to Tommy. Thanks to DefCon for letting us do this. All right, so next contest is the Lockpick contest. How many people competed in that? That was really boring this year. They upgraded all the locks. There wasn't much action there. It was like being married again. Did I say that? All right, so here's Kai Gath. He's the organizer. I'm gonna let him talk about it and pull up the winning individual. Real quick, I just wanted to thank DT and the rest of the Goon staff and everybody else for letting us do this here. This is our third year. I do wanna kind of apologize. Like Russ said, it was a little slow this year. If anybody's watched the first couple years, we had winners cracking these locks in two to six seconds. In order to get from the first to the second round, normally you had to pick a lock in 12 to 10 seconds or less, which is pretty phenomenal what a lot of these guys are doing. This year I decided, well, you know, I was sick of buying brand new locks every year so I got a sponsor. So thank you for IVU and Lockpicking101.com if anybody is interested, check out Lockpicking101.com for some great info. They hooked us up with some awesome brand new locks that I can re-key every year, very stable. I tried to level the playing field so that all the locks were fair. Same pin-out all the way across the board. Problem was, apparently they were keyed a little bit too difficult. I'd like to say have the three finalists come up Langley, Gandalf and Warelock. They're the only three that picked any of the locks. And that's pretty impressive. I think we had about 65 people in the very first round so we had a lot of people going at this. Langley came in at third place. This is all about, of course, as Steph Kahn's all bragging rights. I've got some prizes I want to get out to everybody, posters, t-shirts and stuff. I also want to thank University of Advancing Tech for giving out some prizes for us as well. But while I'm getting your guys a swag, if anybody wants to talk anything we had Langley come in in third place. I'd give these guys a round of hand. Second and third place battled out for about an hour, hour and a half afterwards to finish to get through this. And the average times to get to the finals were about three and a half minutes. And then, of course, the first place winner, I don't know how he did it, but I'll let him talk to you. Cracked it in 6.2 seconds in the very final round. Thanks, guy. These guys put up great lock picking contest every year. This is a third year, I think, right? Three years, had the opportunity to be here each time. Only time ever making it to the finals. Actually, I think we should give Kai and the guys to set it up another round of applause. Actually, I think it's great that they made it a little bit tougher. I mean, fewer people made it in, but it showed a little bit more skill. I don't know either how I got it in six seconds, but I just used a slim line and it was awesome. But actually, hats off to these guys. I think it was more like two or two and a half hours at these guys. It was like Iron Man competition. And they went on and on, and finally, we're locked. Cracked one, so good job. In case nobody saw it, again, this is all bragging rights. We had banner made up for this year, and I want to give it to Gandalf for hanging up in his office, hopefully, so his boss is happy with his work here this weekend. My boss was in third place. He said I was fired. We'll have a gripper unleash some more shirts we found into the audience. So everybody's got the shirts. Unleash the hounds. We just found another box of more stuff. All right, and Ted actually donated.  All right, so let's call up Grifter for the scavenger hunt.  If it was just me doing this, it wouldn't get done. So can we get a round of applause for DC801? I figured I'd share a few of the things that we had go on this year. We made the teams rap battle each other, and the best rap got the highest amount of points and then slowly declined from there. We had creative use of a slinky, and one team used it to create another item on the list, which was salami nunchucks. So that's what bound their salami together. And yeah, the other was DC702, bent theirs up and picked a lock with it. Every year we ask for a live chicken, and for four years we've never gotten one. Say hi to a live chicken. They want you to have it. I already had two little baby chicks living in my room last night. It won't be on the list next year. Another one of the items was get DT to slap you hard, which turned out pretty well. We had also argue about whether or not the Bellagio fountains are being powered by mermaids, like very loudly. So during the fountain show, the teams were out there screaming at each other.  We had them duct tape a team member to a tree for a half an hour. Now, this is where we kind of got owned. We put down make a wetsuit out of mouse pads and then jump into the pool.  So the teams made a wetsuit out of mouse pads, took off their clothes, set them next to the pool, and then jumped in. And I'd also like to apologize to any speakers and attendee who heard people run screaming from the room, I didn't go ate my baby or I'm covered in bees and then slap themselves around. Another favorite of ours was get belligerent with tourists outside the Paris while wearing a beret. And as soon as the tourists start to pay attention, surrender. I don't know, also one of the hunt staff's favorite was we had to make a suit of armor out of aluminum cans. I'm gonna start bringing up the teams. The third place team was Team Quiggle, if they're here. Team Quiggle, come on guys, there they are. Now, we already know who won. These guys know who won because it ended at noon and they were there battling it out to the bitter end. And I'll wait till I say this, but the second place team is DC 702. So if you guys are here, you'll notice some of their prizes are two big salt licks because that was one of the items and we didn't want it. So I guess each team gets a chicken. And the winner of the scavenger hunt for this year is Timmy Needs a Liver. So Timmy Needs a Liver. So these guys went nuts, they worked really hard. All of the teams worked really hard. So it was a blast, the hunt staff had fun. We hope these guys had fun and also I want to say thank you to these guys because I don't know if you noticed but the vendor area didn't have Miko in there, like Uncle Ira's giant table's worth of huge, I don't, what is that stuff? Crap, okay, there you go, that's it. And usually he donates a grip of stuff for us but we got stuff from every single vendor in the vendor area. We don't go out and take sponsors outside of DEF CON, we keep it gangsta. Timmy Needs a Liver because there weren't tons of prizes and they were getting the black badges, they decided to wave any of the swag stuff, take the black badges and since they had such a good competition with the other teams, they said give it to them. So round of applause for Timmy Needs a Liver. All right, we had a lot of fun this year and I just want to say thank you to a couple of groups and people that helped us out. First off DC 707, DC 530, DC 503, DC 410, NAG9 security and then personal people that have given us a lot of hand.  And then of course I'd like to thank DT for putting on DEF CON every year because it's a blast. Thank you. I forgot one thing, on behalf of DC 801 when Schwartau's daughter is hot. Nulti bubble, all right man. Hacker Jeopardy. Nulton's also primarily responsible for the forums at DEF CON so we should give him a little round of applause for making that work. So this year Hacker Jeopardy was in its 11th year and I'm sure most of you have seen it before. And actually who caught it this year? It was on Friday and Saturday night. Well it went pretty well and there were four rounds as usual, the final round with the winners from the first three rounds. Yes, three people vomited. I think that's a record. So round of applause for that. Is Bobcat in the audience? Is anyone else from his team here? All right, that works. Team Nivs, they won. So come on Sage. We mostly won by drinking more than everyone else. We drank a total of 38 beers in our two rounds and it was Corona. I'd like to thank the ours, one of which vomited. I'd like to thank Team 303, Dr. Faust is vomited. Well done. I'd like to thank IPv6, none of them vomited but they had to compete in Final Jeopardy after winning their round the same night. So good effort. Also, what was that team name? The drunk guys by the pool. Deliberately vomited. So they could drink more. It turned out to be a bad strategy because they were also googling for the Final Jeopardy question on a blackberry. I grabbed it and threw it in the vomit. It does not work anymore. Fortunately they have an employee from RIM on their team. I think they can get another one. I'd like to thank G-Mark and Wyn, Naltone, all the goons who made everything run so smooth. Beer Banshee and vinyl verna. Thank you all very much. So everybody on the winning team is going to get the Uber Cool Def Con leather jacket. Exactly, he's already bitching about it. I already have two of them. They'll get the black badges as well as the last edition of Pratt, so. The official badging, it's the most moving part of the ceremony. All right, more shirts. Anyone, anyone? I treat them like a frisbee. I can hit them in the pool. Who makes this? No, you don't. All right, normally we have Chris Hurley come up and talk about the wardrobe. He screwed me and says he has laryngitis and can't talk. So I'm going to try and talk you through these contests, the winners and the prizes.  It'll be just like Hacker Jeopardy. All right, so the main drive, apparently we had what, four, five teams that started? He's signing me. Okay, we had three teams start the main drive and last I heard, none of them had showed back up. If you see them laying in the desert, hanging on with their fingernails to a yoggy, please call for help. All right, and this year, we've got some mini games and my understanding is that they were trying to do this in phases or rounds, is that correct? All right, so the first one of these rounds was called King of the Hill. You gonna try it? No, no, you're just here to make sure I translate, right? Okay, okay, all right. So as you went through each round, you collect, you got points. You earn points as you beat each challenge and when you got to the end, all the points came together, right? It was, all the points for all the rounds added up for a total, all right? We ended up with two teams on these. Is that, all right, we started out with eight and from what I heard, two teams dominated and everyone else dropped out because their panties got wadded up, all right? No offense to those of you with the wadded panties. All right, so my first contest was King of the Hill. My understanding of this is they had to hack a wireless network, all right? And then hack the server behind it and maintain control of that server. That, all right. Yeah, it's hard to hear him when he's trying to explain this and he can't talk. All right, I have all my notes here. So we had a team that consisted of Beetle, Render Man, Deviant, and Pantera. They did not have a name, so I guess that's something like in the Wi-Fi world of a default SSID, which is what I've started calling them. All right, now they ended up winning the King of the Hill contest and the interesting part of this was that Beetle was actually speaking at Depcon for two and a half hours of that, came in in the last 30 minutes and kicked everyone's ass. Okay, so they got 1,000 points for that. The second level was TAG, is that correct? You're guessing, aren't you? I don't know either. All right, we had a team called Preset Kill Limit. Are they here? Bilbo and Hacksaw and TAG was similar to that, right? Okay, yeah, so they had to tag the box that they hacked, basically. Hack a wireless network, hack the server behind it, place the TAG file. They got 1,000 points for that. There was Lady and the Tramp, all right? Lady and the Tramp was Hack a Wireless Network. There were two targets behind the wireless network this time, one was very easy, which you got 300 points for, right? And then there was the harder Tramp or, yeah, Tramp box. The lady was easy, I'm sorry. Tramp was easy, lady's hard. Lady, lady's talking, all right? Yeah, yeah. Preset Kill Limit actually won that again with 1,000 points. They won with five minutes to spare. There was actually a path of attack. They had to go through the wireless network through the Tramp to get to the lady, all right?  All right, yeah, Chris does. Chris has kids. Chris has kids. All right, the last one was a Lockpick crossover where Kai got from Lockpick was supposed to help out on this. The Lockpick box was actually hidden at Amerisweets with an access point hidden inside. The object was to find the wireless access point by honing in on the SSID and then proceed to pick the box, all right? You get 300 points for finding the box and then another 700 for picking it. Render Man's team did find the box but never managed to get into the box. Render Man's, oh, they never actually managed to get into the box. Yeah, yeah, they took it back door vulnerability. They got 300 points for finding it. The other team, as I understand, never found the box or chose not to compete in that one, all right? They instead decided to go for Running Man. Is that correct? That was something different. Okay, so Running Man, we had two U18. Preset Kilburn that did Lady and the Tramp while Render's team did the Lockpick. Okay, so they had their choice of those two, right? Okay, so that's how that turned out. Then we had the Running Man and we actually had two attendees walking around with backpacks with Zoris, with Apache, with Wi-Fi cards in them, and they had to track down the signal and actually find the Running Man, right? All right, preset kill limit also won that for 300 points. Is that correct? That is correct. All right, and that leads us to the last crusade. How long did it take you guys to find it? 46 minutes to find the Running Man. Yeah, I actually had a conversation with him and he was sitting down to take a break when you guys found him, right? Was he sitting down? He was stopped moving. Okay, so that's more of a resting man. We're gonna stick ping on him later.  All right, so, and then that leads us to the last crusade. This was the final round. I do not remember what the last crusade was. Basically the way it worked, and bear with me on my voice, basically the way it worked was there were five different wireless networks set up with web servers behind them. They had different varying levels of security enabled on the networks, starting off with basically a default SSID, I mean a default access point out of the box, then going on to MAC address filtering up through web and finally ending up with WPA, and they had to compromise the boxes in order, and the web server that was behind them would basically give them a clue on what the security mechanisms enabled on the next level were, and they had to do that. So, and they got 100 points for the first one, which were basically 100 gimme points, then they got 200 points for the next two stages each, and then 300 for stage four and 300 for stage five to total 1,000 points. The interesting thing about this one, was that one of the teams was up by 700 points coming into this final round, and they chose to do the running man so that they could get exactly 1,000 point lead, which would then require the other team to do all five stages in order to tie them. Basically, they took the easy game to guarantee themselves a share of the victory, which was a pretty cool strategy that they used. All right, so as I understand it, we have prizes for nearly every one of these, that render man's team actually picked the lock on the lock pick on box, we'd have prizes there, and for the war driving contest, since everyone disappeared or vanished. Well, but you cheated, so it doesn't count. Yes, you did, Jesus. Well, nobody. What are you yelling at? Render man decides that basically the point, all you had to do was be the first person to collect 1,000 access points.  I'm like, all right, it's not my problem. You can walk around and get 1,000 access points pretty quick. So they decided to go ahead and just throw fake AP up and get 1,000 access points in about 25 seconds.  All right, so for king of the hill, which went to render man's team, okay. We have four Sinao cards. All right, come on up guys. Render man, Beatles, Deviant, and Ventera. That is correct. All right, so we have four Sinao cards, four War Drive books, and four War Drive coins. Correct? That is correct. Since nobody buys my book anymore, I just give them away. Absolutely. That's how I got in this situation anyway. All right, that's it. Thanks guys. For the lady in the tramp, can we please get preset kill limit up here? And you guys just might as well stay up here. Getting a signed copy of InfoSec career hacking and two USB drives for this piece. Just go ahead and give them all their stuff. Give them all their stuff.  All right, and then for one, the running man as well. So they get two cyber exploit CDs and two War Driving coins. All right, and then for the last crusade, they also won. They have an access point plus. They didn't win last crusade. Oh, they did not win last crusade. All right, I don't have those notes. Render man's team got that. Render man's team got that. All right, who gets this one? These guys. All right, and then that's great guys. And if, just leave them up here because they were the overall winners. And they get all this. Okay, so as the overall winners, they get what? A shitload of stuff.  They also have a laser sighted cantona that WarDrivingWorld.com was selling over in the vendor area. That was very cool of them to donate. I don't know if anybody got a chance to see it, but it's very cool. And then a whole bunch of other junk that's in the box. Yeah, and they got a wireless firewall from WatchGuard that's very cool as well. Enjoy, gents. Great job. Hi, CTF, that's it. All right, last one is CTF. So if I can get those guys up here. Is that everyone from Ken Shoto? All right, here they come. Ken Shoto to the front, Ken Shoto to the front. So we're going to introduce the people who put on the new Capture the Flag, and then they're gonna give us a blow-by-blow and tell us who won. So with that, we're gonna pass off a microphone to Ken Shoto. Very arrogant. All right, so this is Ken Shoto. First of all, we have to say the ghetto hackers, you gotta give them mad props. They're really big shoes to fill. They really took CTF to a really high level that was really tough for us to match, particularly given only three months. So let's give those guys a huge round of applause. All right, so we're gonna try to make this short. We've got our own private in and out eating contest that we gotta get to. So we should have one of those next year. Yeah, just don't invite Nick Farr. For those of you who missed it, last year Nick Farr ate a 30-patty in and out burger. And the receipt was like animal burger, patty, patty, patty, patty, patty, patty, patty, patty. Well, this year he thought he could best himself and he was raising money for the Hacker Foundation, so he consumed a 35-patty burger and raised $600 for the Hacker Foundation. So first of all, we had a qualifying round where we put up a server and had people hack it. There were 130 sign-ups, 80 people showed up to play, and only 15 did well enough where we would even consider having them sit at the table. So the people who were in the room this weekend, they were Uber. You gotta give them all mad props, okay? So we started out with a little social engineering. We pretty much seated the rumor that we were gonna be running servers for people, which we did, but we told everybody that it was gonna be Mac OS 10. We didn't really tell them that, but we made them believe it and it was the rumor. But actually, it was FreeBSD. We had people who claimed to have OS 10 Zero Days. You can sell them to a couple of people around here. So let's see, but really we used FreeBSD. The game was similar to what it had been in the past couple of years, but with a bigger focus on reverse engineering and exploit development. Couldn't have a firewall up in this game. It was architected so that you could run an IDS, but nothing active. You could see traffic. You couldn't kill it. So it was a different game. One of the biggest differences was that in addition to having teams compete, we also had individual entrants. So the teams had to attack other people's servers and defend their own server. The individuals just had to attack and they all had to find the security problems and all the code that we had put there. Some of it incredibly evil. So before we announce the winners, we wanna thank first and foremost our gophers. They were the people running around in the orange shirts. We wouldn't have been able to do this without those guys. Thanks a lot. Stand up guys, stand up. Those orange shirts smell after three days, let me tell ya. That's why they're nowhere near us right now. So we also wanna thank the DEF CON staff, particularly Zach, DT and everybody else like Major and Agent X who helped us out. And with that, we're gonna post the final results on our webpage tonight. Tonight, but gonna go over the top three. Number three was the top individual, okay? So we didn't score them separately. They all lumped together. The individuals were competing against the teams and so this individual, he beat five of the teams all by himself. He was really good at all the little things.  He was doing a phenomenal job. So third place and first overall for individuals goes to Atlas, come on up. Atlas is drinking his tab, he's gotta be loving that. It's the best diet beverage ever. Yeah, so what Atlas wins is the coveted black badge, DEF CON leather jacket and a bound issue of the final frack. So Atlas, could you give us a couple words about what your strategy was?  The amazing thing was he had to carry this tab can around the whole time.  He got it back eventually. But congratulations to Atlas and there's his black badge. So Atlas had 479 points in third place. It was a battle royale between the top two though. Those teams were apart by only 19 points.  They worked all through the night coming up with exploits both nights and that gave them a big advantage over everybody else. They both had their best kung fu action grip but ultimately what it, the difference maker, one team was a little better on offense, finding stuff and breaking it. The other was a little better on defense, keeping their own services up. And this year after they traded places a lot during the last day it turns out that offense won the day. So the second place team who should give a big round of applause to with 595 points with school root. Which means that shellfish wins, caps of the flag with 614 points. Come on, they're gonna get the same prizes as Atlas. They get eight badges, eight books, eight jackets. They also get to take the Wargames banner home with them but they gotta cut it down themselves. So let's get a speech. No speech, just these are the best hackers in the universe. We're all from Santa Barbara, California. UCSB, California Rocks, West Coast, wins again. See you next year for caps of the flag. We'll be doing it again next year. We encourage everybody to sign up. We'll announce to the DEF CON list but really congratulations to shellfish.  All right, that's it for contest afterwards. Tab explosion. Okay, so that concludes the, oh, see this number's all wrong. The EFF dunk tank donation. We did the dunk tank for the second year running, raising money for the EFF. And this year we added a little component to it. You could also pay a little bit more and get an EFF membership. So for that, we had 41 new EFF members. We had 33 unique individuals dunked. And that number, $3,300 is wrong. I was just told it was 5,000. So the way it works is DEF CON eats the cost of rental insurance and everything. And it actually, it was actually a bit of a nightmare because we informed our insurance company who had a dunk tank on the property they withdrew their insurance. And we had to go find insurance like with two weeks to go before the show. They just didn't want the risk. And then, so we ate that cost and we threw in another 500 bucks. So it's an even $5,500 if we can have an EFF representative that might be around to take it. Come on up guys, receive the denero. Maybe just say a little bit about the EFF force please. Well, a lot of you probably know EFF is an online civil liberties group. We had a really great DEF CON. Thanks so much to everyone who stopped by the booth. DC 702 who organized the summit pre-party and especially Frank and all the folks who organized the dunk tank. It's absolutely awesome to see everyone support us so much. I just want to say thank you to everyone who came by the dunk tank this week and did help contribute to the EFF. It was a lot of fun. We have a couple of gifts for you. First, we have a staff ball for everyone, all the staff members who are involved in getting the dunk tank up and running and working this week. And here we go. And the second one is I still need some dunkies to come and find this, but we also have another softball with all the dunkies' names that we want to give to you guys. Thanks a lot and we really appreciate all the work you do.  Please stand up and take a round of applause. Thank you very much. I'm not sure what the next slide is. We'll see. Oh yes. So that pretty much wraps up this year, but I want to remind you that between now and next year, we want you to guys get involved and it's never too soon to get involved. For example, Ken Shoto spent many months planning, but it took us several months just to find teams, people qualified who wanted to put on the contest. So if you want to start a contest, you want to do something cool, start planning early and let us know about five months before the show. That gives everybody involved enough time to coordinate everything. So think ahead and here's some stuff to do until the next DEF CON. DEF CON 14, there's going to be some pretty rocking changes. You guys are going to be really exciting for you next year. We're going to be doing some really neat improvements in contest speaking areas. We're going to have more sort of one-on-one learning sessions. We're going to have really a lot of neat stuff going on. I encourage you to participate on the forum.defcon.org. We're always looking for better moderators, more moderators, people, subject matter experts to talk about and teach some of these kids that can't make it here about what's going on. Not only are we going to be putting this year's DJ action and audio and video online, we're also going to try to solicit from you guys. I really want to pump up our audio video archives. We've got some hacker documentaries on there, but I know more out there. I just can't have to hunt them down and get permission to put them online. So if you know anybody who's got a cool documentary or some video clips you want hosted, send them on in and we'll host them on our 10 megabit server. So send in some clips, write up something about DEF CON, your stories, how you vomited on stage at Hacker Jeopardy, blow by blow, and just kind of spread the word. We'd really appreciate that. And then finally, the public over at defconpics.org, they do a tremendous job of trying to be the memory repository for DEF CON. So if you've got some pics you want to share, send them on over to the public and he'll point off to your site and that's sort of our central go-to jumping off point for a lot of pitchers. So with that said, I believe it's time for DT in the pool.  Actually, Jeff, this year I can assure you we're not going to throw you in the pool. Oh. We have something else planned. Liquid nitrogen? Gentlemen, ladies, come on down, Zach. Would you step up please? Jeff, you can come on down here to the end. Uh-huh. Stand over here on the stage. Please, seriously? Just down in, seriously? Just down that end over there? Okay. Up on stage, Zach. Goons, come on down. I've got goons up in front here. Everybody come on down. Seriously, we talked about this, folks. We could not do this without Jeff and Zach or DT and Zach. We basically would like to salute you, the audience and Jeff and Zach and everyone else. We the goons of Defconn salute you. That was some very, very, very cold ice water. These guys were panicking about us throwing them in the pool. Several times, both of them. You guys were throwing in the pool? That certainly was cold. I said, don't worry, Jeff. We're not gonna throw you in the pool. Liquid nitrogen. You remember Han Solo from Star Wars? Okay, with that said, I think we're gonna keep the network up for a while till we shut everything down. All the goons are gonna take off their shirts. We're gonna stop gooning.   Figuratively take their shirts off. Start the music. With that, I'd like to thank you all for coming and close Defconn 13.


and now act two of the man from Medicine Bow starring Sonny Tubbs. It is now the morning after, and Dave Sherman is toffering about his apartment, looking a little ragged. What a little sleep he did manage to get was beset by all mannered of lurid dreams concerning underworld triggermen with flat noses and cauliflower ears. He hasn't the vaguest notion that his meeting with Slapsy O'Connor was a carefully rigged bit of high whimsy and if he did, it's doubtful that he would appreciate the humor. At the moment he is pawing through the morning papers in quest of a little diversion to quell his fevered thoughts. All of a sudden, Whamble, a startling headline looms up before his jaundiced eyes then does unpleasant things to the region of his solar plexus. In a veritable tizzy, he yanks the telephone out of its cradle and frantically dials Connie Bannister. Hello? You sure Miss Bannister is not there? Well, she heard about the robbery? Well, the robbery about her father's bank. They did it. Never mind, listen. Slapsy O'Connor is supposed to come to his apartment at three o'clock. If he shows up, don't let him in. Meanwhile, I'll try to hit him up with a thug. Bye. And then we've got to... Hey, Slapsy. Slapsy. What do you want, mugs? Can't you see I'm talking on the phone? Slapsy, there's a guy out here named Sherman, Dave Sherman. He says he knows who pulled that job this morning. What? Now, some stuly looking for a cut in, eh? Yeah. I'll call you back, Lefty. I gotta take care of something. Okay, I'll ditch this bag. You let him in. I'll stick around. He may make trouble. Right. Hey, you! Come on in. Sure, thanks. Now, look here, O'Connor. You've got the... Hey. Yeah? What? Some mistake, guys. I want to see Slapsy O'Connor. I am O'Connor. What about it? Don't kid me. Look, I know O'Connor. Miss Bannister and I had dinner with him. One of his malls. Or one of his lady friends here last night. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was here last night. I remember now. I've seen you with that Park Avenue bunch. The Park Avenue bunch? What? Wait a minute. Think of it, man. Yeah, I guess I'm wrong. You see, I'm a stranger in town. I guess I'm just running my way around. So, I'll be running along. Just there you are. Now, wait a minute. No, I don't know who you are, but you played a bump card this time. Frisk your mug. I don't think your father would better try that. No, no. Turn around. Uh, oh, sure. You mean that like this? Look out, Monsay. Look out.  Look out. Look. You. Come here. Wait. Remember that. So I can shoot. Munch him full. Break away from him. Oh, come on. Back against the wall. Both of you. Move. There you are. I'll look here. Okay, well, I'll look. You know what I mean? Do as I say and move fast. Now, where's that dough? Oh, we have... Don't give me that. If the money wasn't here, you wouldn't be. Don't make up your mind, O'Connor. Hey, he means it, Slapsy. He's right over there, bud. Thanks. Oh, look, look, look. You. You don't think you're going to get away with it? Hang on your trailer. Now get smart. Make a split that would call a square. Well, uh, sorry, old boy. You see, I've got other plans, O'Connor. I don't need all this dough. Now, wait a minute. Wait. Stand back. Hope you don't mind waiting in the middle. I'll get on the way. What's the long and thanks for saving me a lot of trouble? Oh. Well, how do you like that? Come on. He's locked it from the outside.  Come on, throw this window. Here we go. Slapsy, the alley, ain't it?  Hey, Glass Matwell. We can carry it on from now on out. Oh, sure, Connie. Hey, what's happened to you?  Well, it's a dirty trick. Suppose we went to Wyoming. We'd be pretty green ourselves. We wouldn't expect the people we... Well, that is our friends who try to make fools of us. Ah, Connie's right. Suppose we just use the gag again when he just gets here, and then we'll let him in on it. You know, I want to see his face when Connie tells me. And that... Hiya, Connie. Oh, Dave, here you are. Hello, Slapsy. Hiya, Margie. Hello. Glad you showed, Wyoming. I thought you might have gotten cold feet. Cold feet? I guess you people haven't seen the papers. Here. Read this. Bank holder. Yeah, it's right. Now, $200,000 job. You know, it's my nice of Slapsy here to tip me off on it. Well, I tip... I tip you. Well, sure.  No. Open that bag. Why, I... Look, it's money. It's thousands. Exactly $200,000. That's what the paper said. That thought I'd wait till now. You see, since you gave me the steer, Slapsy, I wanted to cut you in. Cut me in? Dave, listen to me. You didn't really do this thing. You couldn't. Why, that bank belongs to my father. Talk to your friend. It was his idea.  This whole thing was just a gag. You can't take it seriously. No, why can't I? But you'll get caught, Dave. You'll be in a terrible jam. I suppose I do. What's that to you? It's a lot to her, if you really want to know. After you left last night, she said she wondered where Wyoming had been all. All her lies. Do you say that? Connie, did you say that? I suppose I did. Come here. Well... Dave, please, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean to... teeth. Grushy. Kissed her. Well, that settles that. Connie, you're coming with me. And what? You're coming with me. This gang string is a waste of time unless you've got a mall to hang diamonds on. You'll do for me. Get the money, let's go.  If you think I'd go away with you and with my father's money. Well, I could steal somebody else's money, you know. Well, you get out of here. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. Toss me that bag, please. Huh? Uh-oh. Here you are. It's too bad, Connie. Do we look swell together in post offices? Well, I guess a guy can't have everything. It's a long... Can you be having nightmares and still have your eyes open? Connie, what's happened to that guy? Is that all you're going to do? Ask questions. We've got to stop him. We may have started all this, but that doesn't mean we can't finish it, too. Hey, who are you calling? The police. I'm going to call them and... All right. Put down that phone and quit. Who are you? How dare you break in here?  Stop. All right, Lady, where is he? Just tell us quick and there'll be no trouble. Where is who? Hey, Connie, these men must be detestees. Detestees? Hey, did you get that slapsy? Slapsy? Connie, he's slapsy or conner? Slapsy or... Oh, this is wonderful. Don't you get it? No. Don't you get what? Now look here, Mrs. Slip. This whole thing, it's all a joke. He's simply trying to fool us with our own trick. Oh, it's wonderful. And I think we almost fell for it. All right, Mr. Whatever your name is, relax. You both did a grand job. Well, Lady, I'm warning you. Oh, now don't be stubborn or... Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, Connie, look out. He is slapsy or conner. I've seen his picture. Your friend's right, Miss. And there's none of us doing any more laughing. Where's that cowboy? Yo, I said where's that guy? Me? Well, he's right here, O'Connor. Dave! Drop those guns and put him up both here. I dropped mine. And now you, O'Connor. Yeah? Yeah! Oh! All right, here's the place in here. Come on in, boys. All right, who's this fellow chairman who's some for the police? I sent for you, officer. You'll find that Eastern National Bank money over there in that bed. That money from... Is this on the level? No, it should be. This is slapsy, O'Connor, and the other one is Mugg's Halstead. Well, I'll be an Irish cop. What about the rest of these people? Well, I'm... I can't tell you much about the men, you see, but I'll be glad to swear in court that this girl told me she was slapsy O'Connor's mall. Dave, don't tell them that. As for the other one... Dave, Dave, you win. We admit it. Please, officer, I'm Connie Bannister, and these people are all my friends. You're the men you want. Yeah? Well, I'll take your word for it, for now. Come on on, you two. Let's go. Oh, Mr. Sherman, you... Yes, sir, man, I'll have to confess that... Maybe we'd better be going. Yeah. Come on. Of course, we might have tried to stay quiet. And who would have cared if we did? Why don't you say something? Why don't you? Dave, I want to... Sorry. Well, I really... My turn? Your turn. Well, why only you and me? How about it? Just like that? Just like that. I mean, well, you said you wanted... Well, Wyoming had been all your life. You did say that, didn't you? Mm-hmm. You see, Dave, my turn? Your turn. Yes, sir. I've... I've got an idea. I'm gonna know where Wyoming is... for the rest of my life. And so the curtain falls in the last act, the demand for medicine bulls starring sunny cuffs. In just a moment, a word from our star, but first, an important message from our government. Nurse anesthetists. Did you know that you may be eligible for appointment at the Army Nurse Corps Reserve in the grade of captain? The requirements are seven years of professional nursing experience, one year of practicing anesthesiology, and, of course, your certificate from the American Association of Nurse Anesthetists. A captain's base pay is $313.50 monthly plus subsistence allowance. Right for further details today to the Surgeon General, Department of the Army, Washington, 25 D.C. Now, once again, our star and our host, C.T. McGregor. That was doing me expected and in spades no less sunny, which means giving us a fine performance. Tell us, how come you gave up the full-monitor bird for plain sunny? Well, I'll tell you, C.P., it is kind of funny, but you see, people have been calling me sunny for a long time, but I really decided on it when I graduated from Yale. I wasn't exactly what you might call the five-beta capotimba and commencement, and I walked out to get my diploma. The president of Yale said, well, sunny, just like that, you know, as if he hadn't expect me up there for another 10 years. Anyway, I thought if sunny was good enough for the president of Yale, it was good enough for me, but I'm not sunny. Tell us, how did you get started in pictures? Well, C.P., I'd been working as master ceremonies in New York nightclubs and hotels and things, and somebody said, why don't you try pictures? So out I came, and with me was, as far as Jack Brownlee, and paved the way, but he actually was no agent, but he knew a few people here. He called a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend when I was singing, you know, in the paramount appointment. Well, the casting department broke all directives and ordered a test. That's really one for the book. What then, sunny? Well, he gave me a handful of scripts and asked me to pick a scene that I liked, and the funny part was I chose one that looked vaguely familiar and played it all the way through for laughs. And then I found out a little bit later that I'd be less Charles Boyer's most tender love scene with Irene Dunn in love affairs. I'd need trick if you can get away with it. Well, sunny, thanks again for spending an evening with us. Well, I enjoyed it very much, C.P., and you know, I sell the mission program. That's no kidding. And anytime you want me back, I'll be around. I love it. Well, I certainly appreciate that, and I'm going to ask you to join us again real soon. And now, sunny, ladies and gentlemen, next week we will present another favorite of yours, Michael O'Shea, who will star in a fast action story titled, Fighters Always Come Back. This is the story of a great ring champion who was framed in a title bout the long trail back to the rosin and squared circle. I know you'll enjoy every minute of it, so be sure to join us. Until next week then, this is C.P. McGregor saying, thanks for listening, and cheerio from Hollywood. The courtesy of the Hollywood coordinate of Eddie with the rainiest full appearance of all stars in this program. Scripted by Paul Franklin with the music of Eddie Dunstead. This program is transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.