There was a substantial part of my adult life that I definitely did not want kids and was very vocal about that. Past you, I get it. And let's talk about it. Please don't color on the lens. Hey, why is that, please? You can color on other things. Come here, you can color on this. What's going on lovers and friends? So in today's video, I wanna respond to a video that I made about two years ago called Why I Didn't Want Kids. Now, when I first made this video, I was pregnant. Now I have a 14-month-old, you just pop up on command. And I wanna reflect on my expectation of motherhood versus the reality and also speaking to the version of myself who, hey, why is that even fun? So I'm going to explore my three big reasons for not wanting kids and reason number one, I didn't wanna have kids because I didn't think I needed kids. Reason number two, I didn't wanna have kids because I did not want to be bonded forever to the wrong romantic partner, pregnancy guess. And reason number three is I did not want to have kids because I was afraid of losing my sexual and overall my individual identity. Hold on, before we get too deep in this video, can I take a little breather to tell you about the sponsor of this video, which is BetterHelp, a service that matches you with a licensed professional counselor within 48 hours amongst their 15,000 counselor network. It is a worldwide service, important to note, it's not a crisis line, it's not a self-help line, it's licensed professional counseling done securely through your phone, I mean 100% through your phone. You sign up on your cell phone, you get matched with a counselor within 48 hours who best suits what your needs are and again because they are worldwide, they're not restricted to finding you the best person in your region, it's just the best person overall for you. After that, you decide how you wanna talk with your therapist, is it text message, is it phone call, is it video chat, and if for whatever reason you feel like you and your therapist are not quite aligned, you can change at no cost at all. BetterHelp is dedicated to accessibility, it is often more affordable than offline counseling and they offer financial aid, payment plans and of course, if you are part of my lover and friend community, I have got a special offer just for you. If you go to betterhelp.com slash booty, that's better, H-E-L-P dot com slash B-O-O-D-Y, you can get 10% off your first month of licensed professional counseling done securely online through your phone with BetterHelp. I will say that, and many people who are not baby people can relate to this. Oh, good climbing. I was never a baby person. I never really felt that ovaries tingling sensation whenever I was around babies. If anything, I felt it for adults. Like if I saw Will Smith or Barack Obama like doing something really cool, I'd like, oh, I wish that those were my children. So it was never having a baby or having a kid that really drew me to this sacrificial journey to this role. So the tricky thing with that is that I do find that I probably enjoy and enjoy duh, the baby phase a lot less than other people would have. I think because I was honest about that with myself and I knew that I felt that way, it never made me feel, you wanna come down? Here, it never really ate. Good job. It never really made me feel guilty about my lack of enthusiasm, especially for the baby phase. I'm not to say that I hated it, but I will be honest and say that as she's gotten older, every phase has been my preferred phase as she has more freedom and more independence and more of her own personality. When she was just a lump of flesh, a glorified beggar rice, it wasn't really my favorite thing at all. But again, I think knowing that about myself was positive. I also talk about in this section how it's very important or it can be very important to have a kid, not because you want to have a baby, but because you wanna have an adult. The very essence of motherly love is to care for the child's growth. And that means to want the child's separation from herself. The real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother's love for the small child, but in her love for the growing adult. Now that I actually have a baby, I can see both sides of it because I'm definitely around other parents who wanted babies and who are baby fanatics. And there's something really beautiful about that. A friend of mine was talking to me about all the programs she's done, all the books she's read, and just the various things she does with her baby. And I can see how down the line, developmentally, that enthusiasm for such a small person could be beneficial. Whereas for me, I'm kind of in this, let's just get through this phase, we'll do the best that we can. So I'm not necessarily investing the same time developmentally that I anticipate that I will as she gets older because my interest area is in adults, it's in young people, it's in teens, like that's where I've done the bulk of my work and my knowledge, and that's where developmentally I'm excited about working with her. Right now I'm just, we're just doing a great job getting through it, right Ry? I think you're doing pretty good. You're missing my hand. This is a, here, high five. Dear Rigo. Getting to that space of honey is something pretty new for me. And so in many ways, putting off having a child for as long as I did, which of course comes with risk because I am an older mom, was the best decision for me because now I'm in a place where I think I can truly look into a kid's eyes and say it is good to be alive. And now go out there and live life for yourself. Here's all the tools, here's all the knowledge, and when you are ready, take this and become an adult who has honey, who has life to give, who has a lust for life in their eyes, because I have that now. I can't even get to tell you how mother-true this is. This is the truth. If you aren't happy and if you haven't found your joy or a source of joy in life and you embark on motherhood, I can only imagine because this role is so sacrificial and difficult. And to be honest, I was blessed with a not-so-happy baby. Raiju was somebody, I think that there's two kinds of people in this world. There's people who they're like, well, let me see what's good about life. And then there's people who are like, I think there's something I can complain about. That's Raiju. She's had a natural, complaining disposition. She was not a colicky baby, but definitely a very fussy baby.  My baby cries a lot. People let me tell you about my best friend. He's a warm hearted person who loved me till the end. So I feel like if I wasn't able to counteract that with tons of joy and I wasn't able to show her that life can be fun, I see a change in her disposition, not to say that I give myself credit for that, because as she's gotten older and more freedom, she has gotten less frustrated because now she has more control over her body. So a lot of her frustration in the beginning I think was just feeling like I want things, I need things, things should be different, but I have no control over my circumstances. But I do notice a shift in her. And I do know that I had to really double down a lot and remind myself why life is good, why I chose to have a baby, why all of this is gonna be okay and keep a smile on my face throughout it. And I just have to say having that honey really does and really has probably made all the difference for me in motherhood. That fear of being bonded to the wrong person doesn't really exist. And I don't have to feel like we have to be together the way that we are right now in order for me to firmly still stand on that decision and still feel good about the choice to create a life with this person. And I don't think I really ever experienced that before. Definitely been in love before. I've definitely liked people before, but to be in a space where I have enjoyed and benefited from every stage of the relationship and liked and loved someone so thoroughly just gives me a confidence that no matter what, I'm going to be happy and look back on this video and say you were six months pregnant with an incredible person's kid and together you will hopefully make an incredible human being. This piece right here. Riu, the passion is flowing through mama. Thank you. Anybody who's watching this video who is a single parent kudos to you. Literally, you are Superman to me. You are Spider-Man. I have no idea how you did it. It is having a baby is so much work. It is more work than you can fathom.  And I thought that I literally lived with my sister's kids when they were six months old and two years old. So I thought I knew how much work it is. It is 24 hours a day. Literally nonstop attentiveness, nonstop responsiveness. Your body is always on alert. You were always paying attention. You have never done anything in your life more than you have done this. You haven't looked after yourself. You haven't binged watch something. You haven't gone to school. There's nothing that can compare to the level of focus, attentiveness and time for me that having a baby has taken on. Now, my dad brings up a really great point because my dad is not somebody who grew up with very attentive parents and things worked out fine for him. So that's also a possibility. Growing up without parental supervision, you learn to become independent very quickly. And I remember from the time I could walk, you would leave the yard in the morning and then you'd come back at night and you got into a pattern of you came back at night, you got sent to bed with a beating and eventually you learn that you go out and have fun all day and the beating was a price that you could pay for having fun so it became like a bargain.  So everybody's experience is slightly different but many people that I've spoken to can probably attest to the fact that it is extremely all-encompassing and without a partner who you feel has equal stakes in this than you, I just have to give it up to you because it's really, really, really hard to get help. It is really, really hard to get the kind of help that you need as a parent, I think. I think people forget what you require because yeah, I'll just say that, that getting outside people to really take on the responsibilities that you can let go for a second is something that I think is extremely rare. People might volunteer to do it but they may not know what that actually entails and then when they're actually in it, they might find themselves dipping out and then you find yourself having to dip right back in and so what I do find is there's a mix of that happening and also a mix of guilt, right? The guilt that I internally feel if I hear that she's fussy or I hear things aren't going well or I feel like, oh, that person's probably so annoyed, that person probably wants me to come and step in or if we're out and we're out for dinner and then we call to check in and she's screaming, I'm like, we probably should rush to get back and sometimes it isn't the other person who says that, it's just naturally the guilt that you feel as a parent, like nobody else should have to deal with the struggles of raising your kid for you.  When you share responsibility, you pass the baby off to the person who's co-parenting and having a partner who I love as a parent. Yo, I love Jared as a parent. I love what he brings out of Ryu. I love what Ryu brings out of him. I love their dynamic and I love that I can let them have their own dynamic and walk away from it. It's completely possible to find somebody who is not in a parenting role but who assumes that responsibility and understands what that really looks like and what that really entails and is willing to invest in themself in that way. All those things are possible but damn it, I'm really grateful for my circumstances. I'll just say that. I'm really, really grateful for these circumstances. I've worked really hard to get to the space that I'm at now where I can feel confident and good about my sexuality and my individuality and so knowing now that I am at risk of losing that or that of being a thing that's gonna be attacked so heavily once again as I enter into this new phase was really scary to me but I realized and instead of looking at it like, oh my gosh, I've come so far. I don't wanna have to keep fighting. It should be like, yay. I already know how to fight this fight. I've done this before. I've already put in the work. I've already developed the skills necessary to combat the next phase of my fight to be myself, to be my sexual self and so I don't have to be afraid. I just have to double down. I have to double down in my sureness and be prepared for that battle and I am, I genuinely believe that I probably am more ready for that than ever. Let's talk about losing yourself once you have a baby. So those of you who have been following for a long time know that I set a really specific, strong intention to not lose myself, my sensuality, my sexuality, my sexy and I was very aggressive about that. Not just when I had the baby but before that as well. Like even in my maternity shoot, like that was really the theme of it. Like I don't wanna lose the best parts of myself or let go of the things that I love because I'm now adding another love into my life and my mom has this quote which is you shoot for the moon and you land on the treetops but if you shoot to the treetops you might land on the ground. So set your sights higher than reasonable to hope that you meet somewhere in the middle and that's how I'll describe my relationship with this particular area.  I could never tell you that. I am a completely, I wanna say completely, I'm a partially dimmed down version of my sensual self and I knew this was like, actually when I very first had Raiju maybe a couple months afterwards I was trying to do this sensual series because I just felt like I was in the, you know the ick of it and I was like every day I'm gonna do one sensual thing for myself, right?  There's nothing really big and I couldn't keep it up. I feel like after day four, I literally like I would forget that I wanted to set that time aside for myself and so I have noticed, I knew at that point that it would be very difficult to maintain and then I knew I would have to exist with the ebb and flows because the interesting thing about the timeframe that I'm in right now is that, you know the baby is constantly changing and so as soon as you figure out a flow and you get into a schedule, something shifts with her, she starts teething or she grows or she gets a mosquito bite that's itching her at night, there's something that happens and you have to adjust as a parent and then your whole idea of an equilibrium gets thrown off and your whole idea of balance gets thrown off so you're adjusting to her and then you have to adjust to yourself second and as a result of that, there are parts of those, things, parts of yourself that you do lose in the process but for me reminding myself that this is temporary, also for me, searching for any moments that I can that do allow me to connect with myself in that way, I'm really grateful for little things that I did last year. Savage X Fenty reached out to partner with me two months after I'd given birth and that seemed like the stupidest thing in the world to me but I was like, you know what, I'm gonna do it, it's a six month contract, I'm really obviously, as many of us are a big fan of Rihanna's and I was like, I wanna try this and I'm glad I did that because it purposefully gave me at least once a month, I got all this lingerie and then once a month, I tried it on for my husband and we made content together around it and like little stuff like that made a difference and it helped me to see myself in the way that I'm used to seeing myself but like I said, you'll go through ebbs and flows with it and I'm grateful that I set the intention that I did, did I live up to my dream life of being the fully realized, sensual version, complete same me, absolutely. Am I kind of close? Probably not. Am I proud of myself still? Absolutely, fucking, literally. Sorry, Ryu. Fellow moms, I hope you understood that moment. The truth is, being a mom, taking on the role of parenting is a lot and that is why it's important not to take this on by yourself, if at all possible and it is even more advantageous if you have the ability to share what you're going through with somebody who can give you advanced insight like a licensed professional counselor and that is why for videos like these, I love partnering with BetterHelp and once again, like I said at the top of the video, this is a service that you can utilize securely through your phone and within 48 hours you get matched with a therapist who best suits your needs, it's a worldwide service and if you want to sign up using my link, you can get 10% off your first month of professional license counseling or therapy through BetterHelp. All you have to do is go to betterhelp.com slash booty. That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash booty. Okay, now we're gonna close this thing out. But if I was to give advice to someone like myself who was career focused, who was passion focused and who strongly revered their freedom, I would say first and foremost, don't let a single person on this planet pressure you into doing this, don't let anybody tell you that this is what you should be doing with your life because when you need help, you will likely be hard pressed to get that person to answer their phone. That is the damn truth, that the people who put the most pressure on me to have kids are the people that I speak to the least right now. This has to be something that comes from you. 100% has to be a thing that you think to yourself, I can do this and I am willing to take on all the various responsibilities and sacrifices and changes that are likely to come when I do do this and if you're not there, you keep on living life for you, on your pace, on your terms with the people that support your way of life and who amplify that your existence matters exactly as it is and your existence is enough, that is first and foremost. Secondly, I would say if you are in a space where you think that you're ready, yes, mobilize, making sure that you have the right partnership. If at all possible, I know it's not possible for everybody but if it's possible to co-parent with somebody who you know is going to be equally invested in the word no, again with a grain of salt because I think people can think that having a kid is one thing and when they're actually in that position, they see it something very different but in addition, rallying other people who you know you can hold accountable to be supportive to you.  When you're in preparation for having a kid, you envision the life that you want. Think about if you didn't know the baby's personality and you're not thinking about worst case scenario, plan for best case scenario and whether that means like, I wanna travel the first year. Maybe you don't, maybe you're two, I'm a year two or I'm now, she's 14 months and I'm now traveling so I wanna still make sure that I'm in school. I maintained schooling the entire time with Ryu. Yes, when I gave birth, when I was pregnant with Ryu, I was taking 16 course credits and now I'm taking four. Am I still in school? Yes, does it look the exact same? No, but I shot for the stars and I landed on the tree tops and I'm grateful that I did that. And here's the thing, when you're shooting for the stars, people are gonna be pissed at you.  Let them. Let those people be naysayers, let them be negative, let them downplay your aspirations, it's okay. There's no part of me that looks back and says, oh, I wish I took that advice and didn't make those goals for myself. Even though, again, like I said, there's a lot of things that I wanted to do and things that I'm actually doing. I'm really proud and comfortable with wearing that because I know that it was fueled by 100% effort and I'm doing everything I possibly can to be the best mom within my power and also the best me within my power and their sacrifice had to come on both ends and I'm aware of that, I'm comfortable with that and I'm proud of myself for my gains, I don't focus on my losses and my lesser thans. Break in the bag, break in the bag Head out here for that, because it gets wet Pull out a stack, flip it and get in the bag After the party, rockin' future down We so tipsy, we're wearing chin chin love Put additional mama on my


Why have you come at this hour, Crito? Aren't you early? Yes, I am. Oh, what time is it? The sun is just about to rise. I'm surprised the guard let you in. I come so often. He knows me well, Socrates. Anyway, I have been kind to him. Have you just arrived? I've been here for some time. Then why do you sit there saying nothing? Why didn't you wake me up? I envy your ability to sleep, Socrates. I wish I myself were not so sleepless and filled with sorrow. I've been marveling at your peaceful slumber. I didn't wake you because I wanted you to remain without pain as long as possible. I have always considered your calm temperament to be a source of happiness. But I've never seen anything like the easy, cheerful way in which you bear this calamity. Crito, a person my age shouldn't agonize over the prospect of death. Other people are in similar situations. But their age doesn't keep them from agonizing. I suppose not.  I came to bring a sad and painful message. Perhaps not sad to you, but to all of your friends and sadists of all to me. What news? I suppose the ship has arrived from Delos indicating that it's time for me to die. The ship hasn't actually arrived, but it will probably be here today. I talked with some people who left the ship at Sunium.  If that is the will of the gods, Crito, I am also willing. But I think there will be a delay. Why do you say that? I'll tell you. Am I not to die on the day after the ship arrives? Yes, that's what the authorities say. Then I don't think the ship will be here until tomorrow. I based this on a dream I had in the night just a short while ago, while you fortunately allowed me to sleep. Tell me about the dream. I dreamed that a beautiful woman, clothed in a white gown, called to me and said, Socrates, on the third... Sample complete. Ready to continue?


Okay, traders to another tick mill weekly market outlook with me Patrick Mundley. This is for week commencing August the 1st. So let's jump into the data for the week ahead starting in the US. Monday we get global manufacturing PMIs, the final estimate for the month looking for 52.3. June construction spending last time out negative 0.1%. Market median this time is for a 0.4% print home building to provide medium term support in terms of construction spending. We also get July ISM manufacturing last time out 53 looking for 52.1 supply and cost pressures weighing on manufacturing growth. Moving to Tuesday June Jolt's job openings continues to point to extraordinary labor demand there. Then we also get FedSpeak from Evans New York Fed Q2 household debt and credit report also. Then heading into Wednesday we get the services PMI final estimate for the month looking for a 47 print. We also get July ISM non-manufacturing 55.3 last time out looking for 53.9 services at risk from loss of real income and rates. We also get June factory orders last time 1.6% looking for a 0.8% print this time capital investment holding at robust levels. We also get June durable goods orders looking for a 1.9% print there. We're also here from FedSpeaker Bullard. Then into Thursday June trade balance looking for a negative 81.5 billion print there deficit continues to remain very wide. Initial jobless claims 256k last time out these are starting to creep up from those historic lows. We also hear from Fed member Mester and then we round out the week with the all-important non-farm payrolls data last time out 372k looking for a 250k markets medium with some analysts looking for a potential print as low as 200k payrolls due for a week month given the heavy survey flatten Q2 but unlikely to rise for a few months now putting off the next leg down in terms of wage growth. So we're looking for the employment rate to come in 3.6% in line with last time and that's July average early hourly earnings sent to monthly the 0.4% there versus the 0.3% last time out. So from a technical perspective the dollar index is at a pivotal level here we have had this three-way corrective move we are testing trend line support here at 10514 what I would note and I'll just draw this in now is that we could actually see a further extension here to test the equality objective so we have an equality equal legs ABC corrector would actually have us trading back into that 10419 some high-volume areas there as well so first and foremost can we get a reversal from the trend line if we do then we want to be engaging on the long side back through 107.30s and we're targeting that 110 test if we don't hold the trend line support then we'll wait and we'll watch for our price response at the 104.20s if we get a bullish reversal pattern there then once again I'd be engaging on the long side and the target remains that 110 at this stage it would take a loss of the 103.70s to suggest a much more meaningful high as in place and we'd be looking them for a deeper corrective move certainly thinking about every test of the 101.30s moving to the Eurozone in terms of data this week start off the week on Monday with manufacturing PMI final estimate for the month 49.6 percent there we also get dune and unemployment rate looking for a 6.6 percent print there holding at record lows then heading into Wednesday services PMI final estimate for the month 50.6 we also get dune retail sales looking to be flat zero percent there cost of living pressures really weighing on the retail trade in terms of the Eurozone and that rounds out the data in the Eurozone there lighter calendar for a week ahead it's very technical perspective as we hold support at 101 we look for a test of the trend line resistance and this price support zone here from the breakdown 103.60s from there watch for any bearish reversal patterns to engage on the short side I'm looking for a move down to the 98.79s the next downside objective there for the Euro potentially then we get a test of the yearly S3 97.50s but from there I'm going to be watching for bullish reversal patterns bullish momentum divergence to engage on the long side for a more meaningful correction in the Euro similar to the dollar set up there we should know that there is an equality objective slightly higher just above that trend line there well no it's actually coincides with the trend line so that 104.10 104.15 there could also be an area of interest so anything into that 103.60s 104.15 watching the bearish reversal patterns to engage on the short side heading to the UK what have we got on deck there we get Monday manufacturing PMIs 52.25 less back in the month Tuesday July nationwide house prices looking for 0.5 percent print their demand continues to soften as with rate hikes in the UK take effect then into Wednesday services PMIs 53.35 less for the month Thursday BOE policy decision is there going to be a 50 basis point height needed to quell inflation market estimate is looking for that 50 basis points and the median there is 1.75 percent up from that 1.25 percent so really going to be key decision point there in terms of trading next week for the pound so from a technical perspective we are looking at this equality objective versus the swing structure here so we are sitting right at that equal latency we've got some profit taking into the close on Friday at 122 area so as this 122.60 120.80 acts as resistance and we are looking for another leg to the downside to testing that 115 area however at this stage any close above the 122.70 120.80 would be a bullish development certainly don't think about a test up into 124.25 in that high volume area in 25.30 so it's really I think the BOE is going to be the driver for this next leg of price action in terms of sterling now heading to Japan we have there Monday manufacturing PMI 52.2 final estimate for the month Wednesday then is the next data note that's the services PMI final estimate for the month just looking for a 51.2 print there that's all the data really out in Japan next week from a technical perspective dolly and broken down out of the wedge now and so I'm looking for any recoveries into the high volume area there 136 to find resistance and I'm looking for a move down now to test 130 is the next downside objective before then re-engaging on the long side of looking for an extension through the prior cycle highs toggling that 140 area rounding out the week down under in Australia what do we get well it's a bank holiday in New South Wales on Monday markets are open though then heading into Tuesday June housing finance looking for a negative 3% with some estimates as low as negative 5% the downturn to show three more clearly investors margin less effective than affordability constrained owner occupiers then we get retail sales on Wednesday 1.2% nominal sales up 3.2% quarter every quarter but 2% of that likely due to pricing inflation then we have Thursday June trade balance looking for a 13.9 billion print there imports up exports can someday after rapid gains and we round out the week on Friday with the RBA statement on monetary policy updated forecasts are really going to be the focus there for Aussie dollar traders so looking at the technical setup we've taken up trend line resistance so what we're looking for now is a grind higher into this high volume area of the 71 80s from there of watching the bearish reversal patterns to reengage on the short side at this stage in terms of breaking lower from current levels we would need to take out the lows here 69 15 because we still do have that weekly downside of quantity objective 66 40s but for now whilst we hold this this trend line and those 69 10s we're looking for a 71 80 tests and we'll round out the week by taking a quick look at bitcoin bitcoin still tracking for a potential way for high here into the 124 sorry 24 25,000 level and we still have that downside equality objective 12185 and lowest you see the similarities in terms of the setup here in bitcoin with this phase of price actually for the roll over and I'm anticipating potentially something similar developing here obviously we need to take out this trend line support now to to see a momentum move to the downside to target that 12185 and that concludes the weekly market outlook for week commencing the first of August as always traders plan the trade trade the plan and most importantly manage your risk until next week thanks very much


The parts and drums have been having a great time here with Santa in our band rooms. He's had a go of all of our instruments and even set his favourite Christmas carol with us. I'll tell you what, Santa, he's not too much of a bad drummer and I reckon he can play with us any time. We're going to be catching up again with Santa on Saturday the 10th of December for Christmas at the Academy, which is between 4 and 7pm. Hey Santa, thanks again for practicing with us today. We look forward to seeing you on Saturday the 10th of December at the Academy for more singing and fun. Thank you!