Chapter 52, Part 1 of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens. Chapter 52, in which the tables are turned, completely upside down. Part 1. Old Martin's cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, so frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure through the bursting forth of the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with Mr. Pecksniff, were retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the occurrences just now related. Stunned as he had been at first, by the intelligence conveyed to him through Tom Pinch and John Westlock of the supposed manner of his brother's death, overwhelmed as he was by the subsequent narratives of Chuffy and Nadget, and the forging of that chain of circumstances ending in the death of Jonas, of which catastrophe he was immediately informed. Scattered as his purposes and hopes were, for the moment, by the crowding in of all these incidents between him and his end, though their very intensity and the tumult of their assemblage nerved him to the rapid and unyielding execution of his scheme. In every single circumstance, whether it were cruel, cowardly, or false, he saw the flowering of the same pregnant seed, self, grasping eager, narrow-ranging, overreaching self with its long train of suspicions, lusts, feats, and all their growing consequences, was the root of the vile tree. Mr. Pexnip had so presented his character before the old man's eyes that he, the good, the tolerant, and during Pexnip, had become the incarnation of all selfishness and treachery, and the more odious the shapes in which those vices ranged themselves before him now, the sterner consolation he had in his design of setting Mr. Pexnip right and Mr. Pexnip's victims, too. To this work he brought not only the energy and determination natural to his character, which, as the reader may have observed in the beginning of his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was remarkable for the strong development of those qualities, but all the forced and unnaturally nurtured energy consequent upon their long suppression, and these two tides of resolution, setting into one and sweeping on, became so strong and vigorous that to prevent themselves from being carried away before it, Heaven knows where, was as much as John Westlock and Mark Tapley together, though they were tolerably energetic, too, could manage to effect. He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival, and John, under the conduct of Tom Pinch, had waited on him. Having a lively recollection of Mr. Tapley, he had caused that gentleman's attendance to be secured through John's means without delay, and thus, as we have seen, they had all repaired together to the city. But his grandson he had refused to see until tomorrow, when Mr. Tapley was instructed to summon him to the temple at ten o'clock in the forenoon. Tom, he would not allow to be employed in anything lest he should be wrongfully suspected, but he was a party to all their proceedings, and was with them until late at night, until after they knew of the death of Jonas, when he went home to tell all these wonders to Little Ruth and to prepare her for accompanying him to the temple in the morning, agreeably to Mr. Chuzzawit's particular injunction. It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something which he had distinctly before him, that he communicated to them nothing of his intentions beyond such hints of reprisal with, as they gathered from the game he had played in that gentleman's house and the brightening of his eyes whenever his name was mentioned. Even to John Westlock, in whom he was evidently disposed to place great confidence, which may indeed be said of every one of them, he gave no explanation whatever. He merely requested him to return in the morning, and with this for their utmost satisfaction they left him when the night was far advanced alone. The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of a much younger man than he, but he sat in deep and painful meditation until the morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek any prolonged repose but merely slumbered in his chair until seven o'clock, when Mr. Tapley had appointed to come to him by his desire, and came as fresh and clean and cheerful as the morning itself. Your punctual, said Mr. Chuzzawit, opening the door to him and replied to his light knock, which had roused him instantly. My wishes, sir, replied Mr. Tapley, whose mind would appear from the context to have been running on the matrimonial service, is to love, honor, and obey. The clocks are striking now, sir. Come in. Thank you, sir, rejoined Mr. Tapley. What could I do for you first, sir? You gave my message to Martin, said the old man, bending his eyes upon him. I did, sir, returned Mark, and you never see a gentleman more surprised in all your born days than he was. What more did you tell him, Mr. Chuzzawit inquired? Why, sir, said Mr. Tapley, smiling, I should have liked to tell him a deal more, but not being able, sir. I didn't tell it to him.  But it was precious little, sir, retorted Mr. Tapley.  I only mentioned my opinion that Mr. Pexnip would find himself deceived, sir, and that you would find yourself deceived, and that he would find himself deceived, sir. In what, asked Mr. Chuzzawit, meaning him, sir? Meaning both him and me. Well, sir, said Mr. Tapley, in your old opinions of each other. As to him, sir, and his opinions, I know he's a altered man. I know it. I know that long before he spoke to you to the day, and I must say it. Nobody don't know half as much of him as I do. Nobody can't. There was always a deal of good in him, but a little of it got crusted over somehow.  But it— Well, I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, sir. Unintentional, I think it may have been you. I don't believe that neither of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There. Now I've got ridden it, said Mr. Tapley, in a fit of desperation. I can't go a-carrying it about in my own mind, busting myself with it. Yesterday was quite long enough. It's out now. I can't help it. I'm sorry for it. Don't whiz it on him, sir. That's all. It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and was quite prepared to go. So you think, said Martin, that his old faults are in some degree of my creation, do you? Well, sir, retorted Mr. Tapley. I'm wary, sorry, but I can't un-say it. It's hardly fair of you, sir, to make an ignorant man predict himself in this way, but I do think so. I am as respectful disposed to you, sir, as a man can be, but I do think so. The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull steadiness of Martin's face as he looked attentively at him without replying.  Very much so, Mr. Tapley replied. And I, a learned, well-instructed man, you think? Likewise, very much so, Mr. Tapley answered. The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice with thrice before he added, you have left him this morning? Come straight from him now, sir. For what does he suppose? He don't know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him just what passed yesterday, sir, and that you had said to me, can you be here by seven in the morning? And that you had said to him, through me, can you be here by ten in the morning? And that I had said yes to both. That's all, sir. His frankness was so genuine that it plainly was all. Perhaps, said Martin, he may think you are going to desert him and to serve me. I have served him in that sort of way, sir, replied Mark, without the loss of any atom of his self-possession. And we have been that sort of companions in misfortune, that my opinion is he don't believe a word in it, no more than you do, sir. Will you help me to dress and get me some breakfast from the hotel, asked Martin? With pleasure, sir, said Mark. And by and by, said Martin, remaining in the room as I wish you to do, will you attend to the door yonder, give admission to visitors, I mean, when they knock? Certainly, sir, said Mr. Tapley. You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their appearance, Martin suggested? Oh, dear no, sir, said Mr. Tapley, not at all. Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was in a state of unbounded astonishment even now. Martin appeared to observe it and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr. Tapley under these perplexing circumstances. For in spite of the composure of his voice and the gravity of his face, the same indistinct light flickered on the ladder several times. Mark bestirred himself, however, to execute the offices with which he was entrusted, and soon lost all tendency to any outward expression of his surprise in the occupation of being brisk and busy. But when he had put Mr. Chuzzlewick's clothes in good order for dressing, and when that gentleman was dressed and sitting at his breakfast, Mr. Tapley's feelings of wonder began to return upon him with great violence. And standing beside the old man with a napkin under his arm, it was as natural and easy to joke to Mark to be a butler in the temple as it had been to volunteer as cook on board the screw. He found it difficult to resist the temptation of casting side-long glances at him very often. Nay, he found it impossible, and accordingly yielded to this impulse so often that Martin caught him in the fact some fifty times. The extraordinary things Mr. Tapley did with his own face when any of these detections occurred, the sudden occasions he had to rub his eyes or his nose or his chin, the look of wisdom with which he immediately plunged into the deepest thought or became intensely interested in the habits and customs of the flies upon the ceiling or the sparrows out of doors, or the overwhelming politeness with which he endeavored to hide his confusion by handing the muffin, may not unreasonably be assumed to have exercised the utmost power of feature that even Martin Chuzzlewit the elder possessed. But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure or made a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate or drank and frequently lapsed into long intervals of musing. When he had finished, Mark sat down to his breakfast at the same table, and Mr. Chuzzlewit quite silent still walked up and down the room. Mark cleared away in due course and set a chair out for him, in which as the time drew on towards ten o'clock he took his seat, leaning his hands upon his stick and clenching them upon the handle, and resting his chin on them again. All his impatience and abstraction of manner had vanished now, and as he sat there looking with his keen eyes steadily towards the door, Mark could not help thinking what a firm, square, powerful face it was, or exalting in the thought that Mr. Pexnip, after playing a pretty long game of bowls with its owner, seemed to be at last in a very fair way of coming in for a rubber or two. Mark's uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, and by whom to whom, would have excited him in itself. But knowing for a certainty besides that young Martin was coming and in a very few minutes must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain quiet and silent. But, accepting that he occasionally coughed in a hollow and unnatural manner to relieve himself, he behaved with great decorum through the longest ten minutes he had ever known. A knock at the door. Mr. Westlock. Mr. Tapley in admitting him raised his eyebrows to the highest possible pitch, implying thereby that he considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr. Chuzzawit received him very courteously. Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister who were coming up the stairs. The old man went to meet them, took their hands in his, and kissed her on the cheek. As this looked promising, Mr. Tapley smiled benignantly. Mr. Chuzzawit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was close behind them, entered. The old man, scarcely looking at him, waited to a distant seat. This was less encouraging, and Mr. Tapley's spirits fell again. He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not start or cry or tumble down at sight of Miss Graham and Mrs. Lupin, but he drew a very long breath and came back perfectly resigned, looking on them and on the rest with an expression which seemed to say that nothing could surprise him any more and that he was rather glad to have done with that sensation forever. The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom Pinch's sister. A look of friendly recognition passed between himself and Mrs. Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect understanding between them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr. Tapley for, as he afterwards observed, he had retired from the business and sold off the stock. Now, the least curious feature in this assemblage was that everybody present was so much surprised and embarrassed by the sight of everybody else that nobody ventured to speak. Mr. Chuzzlewitt alone broke silence. Set the door open, Mark, he said, and come here. Mark obeyed. The last appointed footsteps sounded now upon the stairs. They all knew it. It was Mr. Pecksniff's. And Mr. Pecksniff was in a hurry, too, for he came bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he stumbled twice or thrice. Where is my venerable friend, he cried upon the upper landing, and then with open arms came darting in. Old Martin merely looked at him, but Mr. Pecksniff started back as if he had received the charge from an electric battery. My venerable friend is well, cried Mr. Pecksniff. Quite well. It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands and, looking upwards with a pious joy, silently expressed his gratitude. He then looked round on the assembled group and shook his head reproachfully, for such a man severely, quite severely. Oh, vermin, said Mr. Pecksniff. Oh, bloodsuckers, is it not enough that you have embittered the existence of an individual wholly unparalleled in the biographical records of amiable persons? But must you now, even now, when he has made his election and reposed his trust in a humble, but at least sincere and disinterested relative, must you now, vermin and swarmers, I regret to make use of these strong expressions, my dear sir, but there are times when honest indignation will not be controlled. Must you now, vermin and swarmers, for I will repeat it, take advantage of his unprotected state, assemble round him from all quarters as wolves and vultures and animals of the feathered tribe assemble round, I will not say round carrion or a carcass, for Mr. Chuzzlewood is quite the contrary, but round their prey, their prey, to rifle and despoil, gorging their voracious maws and staining their offensive beaks with every description of carnivorous enjoyment?  Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers, continued, leave him, leave him, I say, be gone, abscond, you had better be off, wander over the face of the earth, young sirs like vagabonds as you are, and do not presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the gray hairs of the patriarchal gentleman to whose tottering limbs I have the honor to act as an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming prop and staff. And you, my tender sirs, said Mr. Pexnip, addressing himself in a tone of general remonstrance to the old man, how could you ever leave me, though even for this short period? You have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon some act of kindness to me, bless you for it, but you must not do it, you must not be so venturesome. I should really be angry with you if I could, my friend. He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man's hand, but he had not seen how the hand clasped the stick within its grasp. As he came smiling on and got within his reach, old Martin, with his burning indignation, crowded into one vehement burst and flashing out of every line and wrinkle in his face, rose up and struck him down upon the ground. With such a well-directed, nervous blow that down he went, as heavily and true as if the charge of a lifeguard's man had tumbled him out of the saddle, and whether he was stunned by the shock or only confused by the wonder and novelty of this warm reception, he did not offer to get up again, but lay there, looking about him with a disconcerted meekness in his face, so enormously ridiculous that neither Mark Tapley nor John Westlock could repress a smile, though both were actively interposing to prevent a repetition of the blow, which the old man's gleaming eyes and vigorous attitudes seem to render one of the most probable events in the world. Drag him away. Take him out of my reach, said Martin, or I can't help it. The strong restraint I have put upon my hands has been enough to palsy them.  Drag him away. Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr. Tapley, without any compromise about it, actually did drag him away and stick him up on the floor with his back against the opposite wall. Hear me, rascal, said Mr. Chuzzlewit. I have summoned you here to witness your own work. I have summoned you here to witness it because I know it will be gall and warm wood to you.  What? Do you know me as I am at last? Mr. Pexniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face and speech and figure was a sight to stare at. Look there, said the old man, pointing at him and appealing to the rest. Look there. And then, come hither, my dear Martin. Look here, here, here. At every repetition of the word he pressed his grandson closer to his breast. The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this, he said, was in the blow I struck just now. Why did we ever part? How could we ever part? How could you ever fly from me to him? Martin was about to answer, but he stopped him and went on. The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today and I have known it long, though not so long as I might have done. Mary, my love, come here. As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair and stood beside it with her hand in his and Martin standing by him. The curse of our house, said the old man, looking kindly down upon her, has been the love of self, has ever been the love of self. How often have I said so when I never knew that I had wrought it upon others? He drew one hand through Martin's arm and standing so between them proceeded thus. You all know how I bred this orphan up to tend me.  It blossomed without cultivation and it ripened without heat. I cannot find it in my heart to say that I am sorry for it now or yonder fellow might be holding up his head. Mr. Pexniff put his hand into his waistcoat and slightly shook that part of him to which allusion had been made as if to signify that it was still uppermost. There is a kind of selfishness, said Martin. I have learned it in my own experience of my own breast, which is constantly upon the watch for selfishness in others and holding others at a distance by suspicions and distrusts, wonders why they don't approach and don't confide and cause that selfishness in them. Thus I once doubted those about me, not without reason in the beginning, and thus I once doubted you, Martin. Not without reason, Martin answered, either.  Listen, smooth-tongued, servile, crawling naïve, said Martin. Listen, you shallow dog. What? When I was seeking him, you had already spread your nets. You were already fishing for him, were you?  Counting on the restoration of the love you knew I bore him, you designed him for one of your two daughters, did you? Or failing that, you traded in him as a speculation which at any rate should blind me with the luster of your charity and found a claim upon me? Why, even then, I knew you, and I told you so. Did I tell you that I knew you, even then? I am not angry, sir, said Mr. Pexniff softly. I can bear a great deal from you. I will never contradict you, Mr. Chuselwit. Observe, said Martin, looking round. I put myself in that man's hands on terms as mean and base and as degrading to himself as I could render them in words. I stated them at length to him before his own children, syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could and with as much offense and with as plain an exposition of my contempt as words not looks and manner merely could convey. If I had only called the angry blood into his face I would have wavered in my purpose. If I had only stung him into being a man for a minute I would have abandoned it. If he had offered me one word of remonstrance in favor of the grandson whom he supposed I had disinherited. If he had pleaded with me, though never so faintly against my appeal to him to abandon him to misery and cast him from his house I think I could have borne with him forever afterwards. But not a word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human passions was the office of his nature and faithfully he did his work. I am not angry, observed Mr. Pexniff. I am hurt, Mr. Cheslowit, wounded in my feelings but I am not angry, my good sir. End of chapter 52 part 1. Chapter 52 part 2 of Life and Adventures of Martin Cheslowit. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Life and Adventures of Martin Cheslowit by Charles Dickens. Chapter 52 part 2. Mr. Cheslowit resumed. Once resolved to try him I was resolute to pursue the trial to the end but while I was bent on fathoming the depth of his duplicity I made a sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on the other side for any latent spark of goodness, honor, forbearance any virtue that might glimmer in him. For first to last there has been no such thing, not once. He cannot say I have not given him opportunity. He cannot say I have ever let him on. He cannot say I have not left him freely to himself in all things or that I have not been a passive instrument in his hands which he might have used for good as easily as evil or if he can he lies. And that's his nature too. Mr. Cheslowit interrupted Peck sniff shedding tears. I am not angry sir. I cannot be angry with you but did you never my dear sir express a desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked arts has estranged your good opinion from me for the time being only for the time being that your grandson Mr. Cheslowit should be dismissed by house recollect yourself my Christian friend. I have said so have I not retorted the old man sternly.  Yes, I did express that desire and you leaped to meet it and you met it and turning in an instant on the hand and licked and beslavered as only such hounds can you strengthened and confirmed and justified me in my scheme. Mr. Peck sniff made a bow, a submissive not to say a groveling and an abject bow. If he had been complimented on his practice of the loftiest virtues he never could have bowed as he bowed then. The wretched man who has been murdered Mr. Cheslowit went on to say then passing by the name of Tigg, suggested Mark, of Tigg, brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of his and an unworthy relative of mine and finding him a man well enough suited to my purpose I employed him to glean some news of you, Martin, for me. It was from him I learned that you had taken up your abode with Yonder fellow. It was he who meeting you here in town one evening. Did you come to your shop, said Martin? Yes. Watched you to your lodging and enabled me to send you a bank note. A little thought, said Martin, greatly moved, that it had come from you. A little thought that you were interested in my fate if I had. If you had, returned to the old man sorrowfully, you would have shown less knowledge of me as I seemed to be and as I really was. I hoped to bring you back, Martin, I hoped to distress you into coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had that to acknowledge which I could not reconcile it to myself to avow, then, unless you made submission to me first. Thus it was I lost you. If I have had, indirectly, any act or part in the fate of that unhappy man by putting means, however small, within his reach, heaven forgive me. I might have known, perhaps, that he would misuse money that it was ill-bestowed upon him and that, sewn by his hands, it could engender mischief only. But I never thought of him at that time as having the disposition or ability to be a serious imposter or otherwise than as a thoughtless, idle-humored, dissipated spendthrift sinning more against himself than others and frequenting low haunts and indulging vicious tastes to his own ruin only. Begin your pardon, sir, said Mr. Tapley, who had missed his lupin on his arm by this time quite agreeably. If I may make so bold as to say so, my opinion is, as you was quite correct and that he turned out perfectly natural for all that. There's a surprising number of men, sir, who, as long as they've only got their own shoes and stockings to depend upon, will walk downhill along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves and not do much harm. And it's wonderful what a knowledge of driving he'll show and how he'll fill his vehicle with passengers and start off in the middle of the road, neck or nothing, to the devil. Bless your heart, sir. There's ever so many tigs of pass in this here temple gate any hour in the day that only want a chance to turn out full-blown Montague's every one. Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark, said Mr. Chuzzlewit, is wiser than some men's enlightenment and mine among them. You are right, not for the first time today. Now hear me out, my dears, and hear me, you, who, if what I have been told be accurately stated, are bankrupt in pocket no less than in good name, and when you have heard me, leave this place and poison my sight no more. Mr. Pexniff laid his hand upon his breast and bowed again. The penance I have done in this house, said Mr. Chuzzlewit, has earned with it constantly above all others, that if it had pleased heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as really had reduced me to the state in which I feigned to be, I should have brought its misery upon myself. O you whose wealth like mine has been a source of continual unhappiness leading you to distrust the nearest and dearest, and to dig yourself a living grave of suspicion and reserve, take heed that having cast off all whom to you, and tenderly, you do not become in your decay the instrument of such a man as this, and waken in another world to the knowledge of such wrongness would embitter heaven itself if wrong or you could ever reach it. And then he told them how he had sometimes thought in the beginning that love might grow up between Mary and Martin, and how he had pleased his fancy with the picture of observing it when it was new, and taking them to task apart in order to doubt, and then confessing to them that it had been an object dear to his heart, and by his sympathy with them, and generous provision for their young fortunes, establishing a claim on their affection in regard which nothing should wither, and which should surround his old age with means of happiness. How, when the first dawn of this design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for the happiness of others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had come to tell him that he had already chosen for himself, knowing that he, the old man, had some faint project on that head, but ignorant whom it concerned. How it was little comfort to him to know that Martin had chosen her because the grace of his design was lost, and because finding that she had returned his love he tortured himself with the reflection that they, so young to whom he had been so kind a benefactor were already like the world and bent on their own selfish, stealthy feelings. How, in the bitterness of this impression, and of his past experience, he had reproached Martin so harshly, forgetting that he had never invited his confidence on such a point, and confounding what he had meant to do with what he had done, that high words sprung up between them, and they separated in wrath. How he loved him still, and hoped he would return. How on the night of his illness at the dragon he had secretly written tenderly and made him his heir, and sanctioned his marriage with Mary. And how, after his interview with Mr. Pexnip, he had distrusted him again and burnt the paper to ashes, and had lain down in his bed distracted by suspicions, doubts, and regrets. And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pexnip, and to prove the constancy and truth of Mary to himself no less than Martin, he had conceived and entered on his plan. And how, beneath her gentleness and patience, he had softened more and more, still more and more beneath the goodness and simplicity, the honor and the manly faith of Tom. And when he spoke of Tom, he said God bless him, and the tears were in his eyes, for he said that Tom, mistrusted and disliked by him at first, had come like summer rain upon his heart, and had disposed it to believe in better things. And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary too, and John, his old friend stoutly too, and Mark and Mrs. Lupin and his sister little Ruth, and peace of mind, deep tranquil peace of mind, was in Tom's heart. The old man then related how nobly Mr. Pexnip had performed the duty in which he stood indebted to society in the matter of Tom's dismissal. And how, having often heard disparagement of Mr. Westlock from Pexnipian lips, and knowing him to be friend to Tom, he had used through his confidential agent and solicitor, that little artifice which had kept him in readiness to receive his unknown friend in London. And he called on Mr. Pexnip, by the name of Scoundrel, to remember that there again he had not trapped him to do evil, but that he had done it of his own free will and agency, nay, that he had cautioned him against it. And once again he called on Mr. Pexnip by the name of Scoundrel, to remember that when Martin, coming home at last, an altered man, had sued for the forgiveness which awaited him, he, Pexnip, had rejected him in language of his own, and had remorselessly stepped in between him in the least touch of natural tenderness. For which, said the old man, if the bending of my finger would remove a halter from your neck, I wouldn't bend it. Martin, he added, your rival has not been a dangerous one, but Mrs. Lupin here has played duena for some weeks. Not so much to watch your love as to watch her lover. For that ghoul, his fertility and finding names for Mr. Pexnip was astonishing, would have crawled into her daily walks otherwise and polluted the fresh air. What's this? Her hand is trembling strangely. See if you can hold it. Hold it. If he clasped it half as tightly as he did her waist, well, well. But it was good in him that even then in his high fortune and happiness with her lips nearly printed on his own and her proud young beauty in his close embrace he had a hand still left to stretch out to Tom Pinch. Oh, Tom, dear Tom, I saw you accidentally coming here. Forgive me. Forgive, cried Tom. I'll never forgive you as long as I lived, Martin, if you say another soul about it. Joy to you both. Joy, my dear fellow, 50,000 times. Joy, there is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. There is not a blessing on earth that Tom would not have bestowed upon them if he could. I beg your pardon, sir, said Mr. Tappley, stepping forward. But y'all was mentioning just now a lady of the name of Lupin, sir? I was, returned old Martin. Yes, sir, a pretty name, sir. A very good name, said Martin. It seems the most a pity to change such a name into Tappley, don't it, sir? said Mark. That depends upon the lady. What is her opinion? Why, sir, said Mr. Tappley, retiring with a bow towards the buxom hostess, her opinion is as the name ain't a change for the better, but the individual may be and therefore if nobody ain't acquainted with no jest, cause, or impediment, et cetera, the blue dragon will be converted into the jolly Tappley, a sign of my own in wenschen, sir, where he knew convivial and expressive. The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr. Pexnip that he stood with his eyes fixed upon the floor and his hands clasping one another alternately as if a host of penal sentences were being passed upon him. Not only did his figure appear to have shrunk, but his discomforture seemed to have extended itself even to his dress. His clothes seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to have turned yellow, his hair to have become lank and frowsy, his very boots looked villainous and dim as if their gloss had departed with his own. Feeling rather than seeing that the old man now pointed to the door, he raised his eyes, picked up his hat, and thus addressed him. Mr. Chuzzlewit, sir, you have partaken of my hospitality. And paid for it, he observed. Thank you, that savers, said Mr. Pexnip, taking out his pocket handkerchief of your old familiar frankness. You have paid for it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. Thank you again, I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of your health and faculties on any terms is, in itself, a sufficient recompense.  Mine is a trusting nature. I am thankful for it. I would rather have a trusting nature, do you know, sir, than a doubting one. Here, Mr. Pexnip, with a sad smile, bowed and wiped his eyes. There is hardly any person present, Mr. Chuzzlewit, said Pexnip, by whom I have not been deceived. I have forgiven those persons on the spot. That was my duty. I have done it. Whether it was worthy of you to partake of my hospitality and to act the part you did act in my house, that, sir, is a question which I leave to your own conscience. And your conscience does not acquit you. No, sir, no. Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr. Pexnip was not so absolutely lost in his own fervor as to be unmindful of the expediency of getting a little nearer to the door. I have been struck this day, said Mr. Pexnip, with a walking stick, which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it, on that delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomy, the brain. Several blows have been inflicted, sir, without a walking stick, upon that tenderer portion of my frame, my heart. You have mentioned, sir, my being bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. Combined with treachery, I find myself reduced to poverty.  Here Mr. Pexnip wiped his eyes again and gave himself two or three little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or three other little knocks from within given by the tinkling hammer of his conscience to express cheer up, my boy. I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I not know, sir? Here he became exceedingly plaintive and was observed to glance towards Tom Pinch. That my misfortunes bring this treatment on me. Do I not know, sir, but for them I never should have heard what I have heard today? Do I not know that in the silence and the solitude of night a little voice will whisper in your ear, Mr. Chuzzawit? This was not well. This was not well, sir. Think of this, sir, if you will have the goodness, remote from the impulses of passion and apart from the specialties if I may use that strong remark of prejudice. And if you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for entertaining some doubt of your doing after the conduct into which you have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day, if you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, think of me. If you find yourself approaching to me, sir, think of me. If you should wish to have anything inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be that I am my remorseful sir, that I, the humble individual who has now the honor of reproaching you, forgave you. That I forgave you when my injuries were fresh and when my bosom was newly wrong. It may be bitterness to you to hear it now, sir, but you will live to seek a consolation in it. May you find a consolation in it when you want it, sir. Good morning. With this sublime address Mr. Peck Sniff departed, but the effect of his departure was much impaired by his being immediately afterwards run against and nearly knocked down by a monstrously excited little man in velveteen shorts in a very tall hat who came bursting up the stairs and strayed into the chambers of Mr. Chuzzlewitt as if he were deranged. Is there anybody here that knows him? Cried the little man. Is there anybody here that knows him? Oh, my stars, is there anybody here that knows him? They looked at each other for an explanation, but nobody knew anything more than that here was an excited little man with a very tall hat on, running in and out of the room as hard as he could go, making his single pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a dozen and constantly repeating in a shrill voice, is there anybody here that knows him? If your brains has not turned to Mr. Swedelepipes exclaimed another voice, hold that there nige yarn I beg you, sir. At the same time Mrs. Gamp was seen in the doorway out of breath from coming up so many stairs and panting fearfully but dropping curtsies to the last. Excused the weakness of the man said Mrs. Gamp eyeing Mr. Swedelepipe with great indignation and well I might expect it as I should have known in the Thames before I had brought him here which not a blessed hour ago he nearly shaved the nudge off from the father of as lovely a family as ever Mr. Chuzzlewet was born three sets of twins and would have done it only he see it a going in the glass and dodged the rager and never Mr. Swedelepipes I do assure you sir did I so well know what a misfortune it was to be acquainted with you as now I do which so I say sir and I don't deceive you. I ask your pardon ladies and gentlemen all cried the little barber taking off his hat and yours too Mrs. Gamp but he added this half laughing and half crying is there anybody here that knows him as the barber said these words a something in top boots with its head bandaged up staggered into the room and began going round and round and round apparently under the impression that it was walking straight forward look at him cried the excited little barber here he is that will soon wear off and then he'll be all right again he's no more dead than I am he's all alive and hearty ain't you Bailey we're either so Paul replied that gentlemen look here cried the little barber laughing and crying in the same breath when I study him he comes all right there he's all right now nothing's the matter with him now except that he's a little shook and rather giddy is there Bailey we're either shook Paul we're either so said Mr. Bailey what my lovely there you are what a boy he is cried the tender hearted Paul actually sobbing over him I never see such a boy it's all his fun he's full of it he should go into the business along with me I am determined he shall will make it sweetle pipe and Bailey he shall have the sporting branch what a one he'll be for the matches and me the shaven I'll make over the birds to him as soon as ever he's well enough he shall have the little bullfinch and the shop and all he's such a boy I asked your pardon ladies and gentlemen but I thought there might be someone here that knowed him Mrs. Gamp had observed not without jealousy and scorn that a favorable impression appeared to exist on behalf of Mr. Sweetle pipe and his young friend and that she had fallen rather into the background in consequence before and stated her business which Mr. Chuzzle which she said is well be known to Mrs. Harris as has one sweet infant though she do not wish it known in her own family by the mother's side kept in spirits in a bottle and that sweet babe she see at Greenwich Fair a traveling in company with a pink eyed lady Prussian dwarf and liven skeleton which judge her feelings when the barrel organ played and she was showed her own dear sister's child not being expected from the outside picture where it was painted quite contrary in a living state of many sizes larger and performing beautiful upon the harp which never did that dear child know or do since breathe it never did to speak on in this whale and Mrs. Harris Mr. Chuzzle which has knowed me many year and can give you information that the lady which is withered can't do better and may do worse than let me wait upon her which I hope to do for as many places as I see a for me oh said Mr. Chuzzle what is that your business was this good person paid for the trouble we gave her I paid her sir returned Mark Tapley liberal the young man's words is true said Mrs. Gamp and thank you kindly then here we will close our acquaintance Mrs. Gamp retorted Mr. Chuzzle what and Mr. Sweetle pipe is that your name that is my name sir replied Paul accepting with a profusion of gratitude some chinking pieces which the old man slipped into his hand Mr. Sweetle pipe take as much care of your lady lodger as you can and give her a word or two of good advice now and then such said old Martin looking gravely at the astonished Mrs. Gamp as hinting at the expediency of a little less liquor and a little more humanity and a little less regard for herself and a little more regard for her patients and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty or when Mrs. Gamp gets into trouble Mr. Sweetle pipe it had better not be at a time when I am near enough to the old Bailey to volunteer myself as a witness to her character endeavor to impress that upon her at your leisure if you please Mrs. Gamp clasped her hands turned up her eyes until they were quite invisible threw back her bonnet for the admission of fresh air to her heated brow and in the act of saying faintly less liquor bottle on the chimney piece and let me put my lips to it when I am so disposed fell into one of the walking swoones in which pitiable state she was conducted forth by Mr. Sweetle pipe who between his two patients the swooning Mrs. Gamp and the revolving Bailey had enough to do poor fellow the old man looked about him with a smile until his eyes rested on Tom Pinch's sister when he smiled the more we will all dine here together he said and as you and Mary have enough to talk of Martin you shall keep house for us until the afternoon with Mr. and Mrs. Tapley I must see your lodgings in the meanwhile Tom Tom was quite delighted so was Ruth she would go with them thank you my love said Mr. Cheslowit but I am afraid I must take Tom a little out of the way on business suppose you go on first my dear pretty little Ruth was equally willing to do that but not alone said Martin not alone Mr. Westlock I daresay will escort you why of course he would what else had Mr. Westlock in his mind how dull these old men are you are sure you have no engagement he persisted engagement as if he could have any engagement so they went off arm in arm when Tom and Mr. Cheslowit went off arm in arm a few minutes after them the smiling and really for a gentlemen of his habits in rather annoying manner end of chapter 52 chapter 53 of life and adventures of Martin Cheslowit this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org life and adventures of Martin Cheslowit by Charles chapter 53 what John Westlock said to Tom Pinch's sister what Tom Pinch's sister said to John Westlock what Tom Pinch said to both of them and how they all passed the remainder of the day brilliantly the temple fountain sparkled in the sun and laughingly its liquid music played and merrily the idle drops of water danced and danced and peeping out in sport among the trees changed lightly down to hide themselves as little Ruth and her companion came toward it and why they came toward the fountain at all is a mystery for they had no business there it was not in their way it was quite out of their way they had no more to do with the fountain bless you than they had with love or any out of the way thing of that sort it was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments quite another affair because of course when she had to wait a minute or two it would have been very awkward for her to have had to wait in any but a tolerably quiet spot but that was as quiet a spot everything considered as they could choose but when she had John Westlock to take care of her and was going home with her arm in his home being in a different direction altogether they're coming anywhere near that fountain was quite extraordinary however there they found themselves and another extraordinary part of the matter was that they seemed to have come there by a silent understanding yet when they got there they were a little confused by being there which was the strangest part of all because there was nothing naturally confusing in a fountain we all know that what a good old place it was John said with quite an earnest affection for it a pleasant place indeed said little Ruth so shady a wicked little Ruth they came to a stop when John began to praise it the day was exquisite and stopping at all it was quite natural nothing could be more so that they should glance down garden court because garden court ends in the garden and the garden ends in the river and that glimpse is very bright and fresh and shining on a summer's day then oh little Ruth why not look boldly at it why fit that tiny precious blessed little foot into the cracked corner of an insensible old flagstone in the pavement and be so very anxious to adjust it to a nicety if the fiery faced matron and the crunched bonnet could have seen them as they walked away how many years purchase might fiery face have been disposed to take for her situation and furnables in as launderst to Mr. Westlock they went away but not through London street through some enchanted city where the were of air where all the rough sounds of a stirring town were softened into gentle music where everything was happy where there was no distance and no time there were two good tempered burly Dramon letting down big butts of beer into a cellar somewhere and when John helped her almost lifted her the lightest easiest neatest thing you ever saw across the rope they said he owed them a good turn for giving him the chance Celestial Dramon green pastures in the summer tide deep littered straw yards in the winter no start of corn and clover ever to that noble horse who would dance on the pavement with a gig behind him and who frightened her and made her clasp his arm with both hands both hands meeting one upon the other so endearingly and caused her to implore him to take refuge in the pastry cooks and afterwards to peep out at the door so conveniently and then looking at him with those eyes to ask him was he sure now was he sure they might go safely on over a string of rampant horses for a lion for a bear for a mad bull for anything to bring the little hands together on his arm again they talked of course they talked of Tom and all these changes and the attachment Mr. Chuzzlewood had conceived for him and the bright prospects he had in such a friend and a great deal more to the same purpose the more they talked the more afraid this fluttering little Ruth became of any pause and sooner than have a pause she would say the same things over again and if she hadn't courage or presence of mind enough for that to say the truth she very seldom had she was ten thousand times more charming and irresistible than she had been before Martin will be married very soon John she supposed he would never did a bewitching little woman suppose anything in such a faint voice as Ruth supposed that but seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching she remarked that he would have a beautiful wife didn't Mr. Westlock think so yet yes said John oh yes she feared he was rather hard to please he spoke so coldly rather say already pleased said John I have scarcely seen her I had no care to see her I had no eyes for her this morning oh good gracious it was well they had reached their destination she never could have gone any further it would have been impossible to walk in such a tremble Tom had not come in they enter the triangular parlor together and alone fiery face fiery face how many years purchased now she sat down on the little sofa and untied her bonnet strings he sat down by her side and very near her very very near her a rapid swelling bursting little heart you knew that it would come to this and hoped it would why beat so wildly heart dear Ruth sweet Ruth if I had loved you less I could have told you that I loved you long ago I have loved you from the first there never was a creature in the world more truly loved than you dear Ruth by me she clasped her little hands before her face the gushing tears of joy and pride and hope and innocent affection would not be restrained fresh from her full young heart they came to answer him my dear love if this is I almost dare to hope it is now not painful or distressing to you you make me happier than I can tell or you imagine darling Ruth my own good gentle winning Ruth I hope I know the value of your heart I hope I know the worth of your angel nature let me try and show you that I do and you will make me happier Ruth not happier she sobbed then you make me no one can be happier John than you make me fiery face provide yourself the usual wages or the usual warning it's all over fiery face we need trouble you any further the little hands could meet each other now without a rampant horse to urge them there was no occasion for lions bears or mad bulls it could all be done and infinitely better without their assistance no burly draymen or big butts of beer were wanted for apologies no apology at all was wanted the soft light touch fell coily but quite naturally upon the lovers shoulder the delicate waist the drooping head the cheek the beautiful eyes the exquisite mouth itself were all as natural as possible if all the horses in araby had run away at once they couldn't have improved upon it they soon began to talk of Tom again I hope he will be glad to hear of it said John with sparkling eyes Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it and looked up seriously into his face I am never to leave him am I dear you could never leave Tom I am sure you know that do you think I would ask you he returned with a well never mind with what I am sure you never would she answered the bright tears standing in her eyes and I will swear at Ruth my darling if you please leave Tom that would be a strange beginning leave Tom dear if Tom and we be not inseparable and Tom God bless him may that home never be and that's a strong old truth shall it be recorded how she thanked him yes it shall in all simplicity and innocence and purity of heart yet with a timid graceful half determined hesitation she set a little rosy seal upon the vow whose color was reflected in her face and flashed up to the braiding of her dark brown hair Tom will be so happy and so proud and glad to see this being her little hands but so surprised I am sure he had never thought of such a thing of course John asked her immediately because you know they were in that foolish state when great allowances must be made when she had begun to think of such a thing and this made a little diversion in their talk a charming diversion to them but not so interesting to us at the end of which they came back to Tom again I suppose I ought to tell you everything now I should have no secrets from you should I John love it is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her because he answered in a manner which is untranslatable on paper though highly satisfactory in itself but what he conveyed was no no no sweet Ruth or something to that effect when she told him Tom's great secret not exactly saying how she had found it out leaving him to understand it if he liked and John was sadly grieved to hear it and was full of sympathy and sorrow but they would try he said only the more on this account to make him happy and to be guile him with his favorite pursuits and then in all the confidence of such a time he told her how he had a capital opportunity of establishing himself in his old profession in the country and how he had been thinking in the event of that happiness coming upon him which had actually come another slight diversion here how he had been thinking that it would afford occupation to Tom and enable them to live together in the easiest manner without any sense of dependence on Tom's part and to be as happy as the day was long and Ruth receiving this with joy they went on catering for Tom to that extent that they had already purchased him a select library and built him an organ on which he was performing with the greatest satisfaction when they heard him knocking at the door though she longed to tell him what had happened poor little Ruth was greatly agitated by his arrival more so because she knew that Mr. Chuzzlewick was with him so she said all in a tremble what shall I do dear John I can't bear that he should hear it from anyone but me and I could not tell him unless we were alone do my love said John whatever is natural to you on the impulse of the moment and I am sure it will be right he had hardly time to say thus much and Ruth had hardly time to just to get a little farther off upon the sofa when Tom and Mr. Chuzzlewick came in Mr. Chuzzlewick came first and Tom was a few seconds behind him now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs after a short time and would tell him in his little bedroom but when she saw his dear old face come in her heart was so touched that she ran into his arms and laid her head down on his breast sobbed out bless me Tom my dearest brother Tom looked up in surprise and saw John Westlock close beside him holding out his hand John cried Tom John Dear Tom said his friend give me your hand we are brothers Tom Tom rung it with all his force embraced his sister fervently and put her in John Westlock's arms don't speak to me John Heaven is very good to us I Tom could find no further utterance but left the room and Ruth went after him and when they came back which they did buy and buy she looked more beautiful and Tom more good and true if that were possible than ever and though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now being yet too newly glad he put both his hands in both of John's with emphasis sufficient for the best speech ever spoken I am glad you chose today Mr. Chuzzle went to John with the same knowing smile as when they had left him I thought you would I hoped Tom and I lingered behind a discreet time it's so long since I had any practical knowledge of these subjects that I have been anxious I assure you your knowledge is still pretty accurate sir returned John laughing if it led you to foresee what would happen today why I am not sure Mr. Westlock said the old man that any great spirit of prophecy was needed after seeing you and Ruth together come hither pretty one see what Tom and I purchased this morning while you were dealing in exchange with that young merchant there the old man's way of seating her beside him and humoring his voice as if she were a child was whimsical enough but full of tenderness and not ill-adapted somehow to little Ruth see here he said taking a case from his pocket with a beautiful necklace how it glitters earrings too and bracelets and a zone for your waist this set is yours and Mary has another like it Tom couldn't understand why I wanted two what a short-sighted Tom earrings and bracelets and a zone for your waist ah beautiful let us see how brave they look asked Mr. Westlock to clasp them on it was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round white arm and John deep John pretending that the bracelet was very hard to fasten it was the prettiest thing to see her girding on the precious little zone and yet obliged to have assistance because her fingers were in such terrible perplexity it was the prettiest thing to see her so confused and bashful with the smiles and blushes playing brightly on her face like the sparkling light upon the jewels it was the prettiest thing that you would see in the common experiences of a 12 month rely upon it the set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched said the old man that I don't know which becomes the other most Mr. Westlock could tell me I have no doubt but I'll not ask him for he is bribed health to wear them my dear and happiness to make you forgetful of them except as a remembrance from a loving friend he patted her upon the cheek and said to Tom I must play the part of a father here Tom also there are not many fathers who marry two such daughters on the same day but we will overlook the improbability for the gratification of an old man's fancy I may claim that much indulgence he added for I have gratified few fancies enough in my life tending to the happiness of others heaven knows these various proceedings had occupied so much time and they fell into such a pleasant conversation now that it was within a quarter of an hour of the time before any of them thought about it a hackney coach soon carried them to the temple however and there they found everything prepared for their reception Mr. Tappley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative to the ordering of dinner had so exerted himself for the honor of the party that a prodigious banquet was served under the joint direction of himself and his intended Mr. Chuzzlewit would have had them of the party and Martin urgently seconded his wish but Mark could by no means be persuaded to sit down at table observing that in having the honor of attending to their comforts he felt himself indeed the landlord of the Jolly Tappley and could almost elude himself into the belief that the entertainment was actually being held under the Jolly Tappley's roof for the better encouragement of himself in this fable Mr. Tappley took it upon him to issue diverse general directions to the waiters from the hotel relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth and as they were usually in direct opposition to all precedent and were always issued in his most facetious form of thought and speech they occasioned great merriment among those attendants in which Mr. Tappley participated with an infinite enjoyment of his own humor he likewise entertained them with short anecdotes of his travels appropriate to the occasion and now and then with some comic passage or other between himself and Mrs. Lupin so that explosive laughs were constantly issuing from the sideboard and from the backs of chairs and the head waiter who wore powder and knee smalls and was usually a grave man got to be a bright scarlet in the face and broke his waistcoat strings audibly young Martin sat at the head of the table and Tom pinched the foot and if there were a genial face at that board it was Tom's they all took their tone from Tom everybody drank to him everybody looked to him everybody thought of him everybody loved him if he so much as laid down his knife and fork somebody put out a hand to shake with him Martin and Mary had taken him aside before dinner and spoken to him so heartily of the time to come laying such fervent stress upon the trust they had in his completion of their felicity by his society and closest friendship that Tom was positively moved to tears he couldn't bear it his heart was full he said of happiness and so it was Tom spoke the honest truth it was large as thy heart was dear Tom pinch it had no room that day for anything but happiness and sympathy and there was Phipps old Phipps of Austin Friars present at the dinner and turning out to be the jolliest old dog that ever did violence to his convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a dark office where is he said Phipps when he came in and then he pounced on Tom and told him that he wanted to relieve himself of all his old constraint and in the first place shook him by one hand and in the second place shook him by the other and in the third place nudged him in the waistcoat and in the fourth place said how are you and in a great many other places did a great many other things to show his friendliness and joy and he sang songs did Phipps and knocked off his wine pretty handsomely did Phipps and in short he showed himself a perfect trump did Phipps in all respects but ah the happiness of strolling home at night obstinate little Ruth she wouldn't hear of riding as they had done on that dear night from Furnables Inn the happiness of being able to talk about it and to confide their happiness to each other the happiness of stating all their little plans to Tom and seeing his bright face grow brighter as they spoke when they reached home Tom left John and his sister in the parlor and went upstairs into his own room under pretense of seeking a book and Tom actually winked to himself when he got upstairs he thought it such a deep thing to have done they liked to be by themselves of course said Tom and I came away so naturally that I have no doubt they are expecting me every moment to return he had not sat reading very long when he heard a tap at his door may I come in said John oh surely Tom replied don't leave us Tom don't sit by yourself we want to make you marry not Melancholy my dear friend said Tom with a cheerful smile brother Tom brother there is no danger of my being Melancholy how can I be Melancholy when I know that you and Ruth are so blessed I think I can find my tongue tonight John he added after a moment's pause but I never can tell you what unutterable joy this day has given me it would be unjust to you to speak of your having chosen a portionless girl for I feel that you know her worth I am sure you know her worth nor will it diminish in your estimation John which money might which money would Tom he returned her worth oh who could see her here and not love her who could know her Tom and not honor her who could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers and grow indifferent to the treasure who could feel the rapture that I feel today and love as I love her Tom without knowing something of her worth your joy unutterable no no Tom it's mine it's mine no no John said Tom it's mine it's mine their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth herself who came peeping in at the door and oh the look the glorious half proud half timid look she gave Tom when her lover drew her to his side as much as to say yes indeed Tom he will do it but then he has a right you know because I am fond of him Tom as to Tom he was perfectly delighted he could have sat and looked at them just as they were for hours I have told Tom love as we agreed I am not going to permit him to run away and that we cannot possibly allow it the loss of one person and such a person as Tom too out of our small household of three is not to be endured and so I have told him whether he is considerate or whether he is only selfish I don't know but he needn't be considerate for he is not the least restrained upon us is he dearest Ruth well he really did not seem to be any particular restrained upon them judging from what ensued in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at such a time was their graceful love a folly were their dear caresses follies was their lengthened parting folly was it folly in him to watch her window from the street and raid its scantiest gleam of light above all diamonds folly in her to breathe his name upon her knees and pour out her pure heart before that being from whom such hearts and such affections come if these be follies then fiery face go on and prosper if they be not then fiery face of aunt but set the crunched bonnet at some other single gentleman in any case for one is lost to thee forever end of chapter 53 chapter 54 of life and adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens chapter 54 gives the author great concern for it is the last in the book Todgers was in high feather and mighty preparations for a late breakfast were a stir in its commercial bowers the blissful morning had arrived when Miss Pexsniff was to be united in holy matrimony to Augustus Miss Pexsniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself and the occasion she was full of clemency and conciliation she had laid in several cauldrons of live coals and was prepared to heap them on the heads of her enemies she bore no spite nor malice in her heart not the least quarrels, Miss Pexsniff said were dreadful things in families and though she never could forgive her dear papa she was willing to receive her other relations and had been separated she observed too long it was enough to call down a judgment upon the family she believed the death of Jonas was a judgment on them for their internal dissensions and Miss Pexsniff was confirmed in this belief by the lightness with which the visitation had fallen on herself by way of doing sacrifice not in triumph, not of course in triumph but in humiliation of spirit this amiable young person wrote therefore to her kinswoman a strong mind and informed her that her nuptials would take place on such a day that she had been much hurt by the unnatural conduct of herself and daughters and hoped they might not have suffered in their consciences that being desirous to forgive her enemies and make her peace with the world before entering into the most solemn of covenants with the most devoted of men she now held out the hand of friendship that if the strong minded woman took that hand in the temper in which she believed to her she, Miss Pexsniff, did invite her to be present at the ceremony of her marriage and did furthermore invite the three red-nosed spinsters, her daughters but Miss Pexsniff did not particularize their noses to attend as bridesmaids the strong minded woman returned for answer that herself and daughters were as regard of their consciences in the enjoyment of robust health which she knew Miss Pexsniff would be glad to hear she had received Miss Pexsniff's note with unalloyed delight because she had never attached the least importance to the paltry and insignificant jealousies with which herself and circle had been assailed otherwise than as she had found them in the contemplation a harmless source of innocent mirth that she would joyfully attend Miss Pexsniff's bridle and that her three dear daughters would be happy to assist on so interesting and so very unexpected which the strong minded woman underlined so very unexpected an occasion On the receipt of this gracious reply Miss Pexsniff extended her forgiveness and her invitations to Mr. and Mrs. Spatletoe to Mr. George Chuzzlewith the bachelor cousin to the solitary female who usually had the toothache and to the hairy young gentleman with the outline of a face surviving remnants of the party that had once assembled in Mr. Pexsniff's parlor after which Miss Pexsniff remarked that there was a sweetness in doing our duty which neutralized the bitter in our cups the wedding guests had not yet assembled and indeed it was so early that Miss Pexsniff herself was in the act of dressing at her leisure when a carriage stopped near the monument and Mark dismounting from the rumble assisted Mr. Chuzzlewith to a light the carriage remained in waiting so did Mr. Tapley Mr. Chuzzlewith he was shown by the degenerate successor of Mr. Bailey into the dining parlor where for his visit was expected Mrs. Todgers immediately appeared you are dressed I see for the wedding he said Mrs. Todgers who was greatly flurried by the preparations replied in the affirmative it goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now I assure you sir said Mrs. Todgers but Miss Pexsniff's mind was set upon it and if was married that cannot be denied sir no said Mr. Chuzzlewith assuredly not her sister takes no part in the proceedings oh dear no sir poor thing said Mrs. Todgers shaking her head and dropping her voice since she has known the worst she has never left my room the next room is she prepared to see me he inquired quite prepared sir then let us lose no time Mrs. Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding the prospect of the sister and there sadly different from one that had first been her lodging sat poor Mary in morning weeds the room looked very dark and sorrowful and so did she but she had one friend beside her faithful to the last old chuffy when Mr. Chuzzlewith sat down at her side she took his hand and put it to her lips she was in great grief he too was agitated for he had not seen her since their parting in the churchyard I judged you hastily he said in a low voice I fear I judged you cruelly let me know that I have your forgiveness she kissed his hand again and retaining it in hers thanked him in a broken voice for all his kindness to her since Tom Pinch said Martin has faithfully related to me all that you desired him to convey at a time when he deemed it very improbable that he would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message believe me that if I ever deal again with an ill-advised and unawakened nature hiding the strength that thinks its weakness I will have long and merciful consideration for it you had for me even for me she answered I quite believe it I said the words you have repeated when my distress was very sharp and hard to bear I say them now for others but I cannot urge them for myself you spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day by day there was great consideration in that you might have spoken perhaps more kindly you might have tried to invite my confidence by greater gentleness but the end would have been the same he shook his head in doubt and not without some inward self-reproach how can I hope she said that your interposition would have prevailed with me when I know how obdurate I was I never thought at all dear Mr. Chuzzlewet I never thought at all I had no thought, no heart no care to find one at that time it has grown out of my trouble I have felt it in my trouble I wouldn't recall my trouble such as it is and has been and it is light in comparison with trials which hundreds of good people suffer every day I know I wouldn't recall it tomorrow if I could it has been my friend for without it no one could have changed me did not mistrust me because of these tears I cannot help them I am grateful for it in my soul indeed I am indeed she is, said Mrs. Todgers I believe it, sir and so do I, said Mr. Chuzzlewet now attend to me, my dear your late husband's estate if not wasted by the confession of a large debt to the broken office which document being useless to the runaways has been sent over to England by them not so much for the sake of the creditors as for the gratification of their dislike to him whom they supposed to be still living will be seized upon by law for it is not exempt as I learned from the claims of those who have suffered by the fraud in which he was engaged their father's property was all or nearly all embarked in the same transaction if there be any left it will be seized on in like manner there is no home there I couldn't return to him she said with an instinctive reference to his having forced her marriage on I could not return to him I know it Mr. Chuzzlewet resumed and I am here because I know it come with me from all who are about me you are certain I have ascertained of a generous welcome but until your health is reestablished and you are sufficiently composed to bear that welcome you shall have your abode in any quiet retreat of your own choosing near London not so far removed but that this kind-hearted lady I still visit you as often as she pleases you have suffered much but you are young and have a brighter and a better future stretching out before you come with me your sister is careless of you I know she hurries on and publishes her marriage in a spirit which to say no more of it is barely decent is unsisterly and bad leave the house before her guests arrive she means to give you pain spare her the offense and come with me Mrs. Todgers though most unwilling to part with her added her persuasions even poor old Chuffy of course included in the project added his she hurriedly attired herself and was ready to depart when Miss Pexnip dashed into the room Miss Pexnip dashed in so suddenly that she was placed in an embarrassing position for though she had completed her bridal toilette as to her head on which she wore a bridal bonnet with orange flowers added it as to her skirts which displayed no choice or decoration than a dimedy bed gown she had dashed in in fact about half way through to console her sister in her affliction with a sight of the aforesaid bonnet and being quite unconscious of the presence of a visitor until she found Mr. Chuzzlewitz standing face to face with her her surprise was an uncomfortable one so young lady said the old man eyeing her was strong this favor you were to be married today yes sir returned Miss Pexnip modestly I am I my dress is rather really Mrs. Todgers your delicacy said old Martin is troubled I perceive I am not surprised to find it so you have chosen the period of your marriage unfortunately I beg your pardon Mr. Chuzzlewitz retorted cherry very red and angry in a moment but if you have anything to say on that subject I must beg to refer you to Augustus you will scarcely think it manly I hope to force an argument on me when Augustus is at all times ready to discuss it with you I have nothing to do with any deceptions that may have been practiced on my parent said Miss Pexnip pointedly and as I wish to be on good terms with everybody at such a time I should have been glad if you would have favored us with your company at breakfast but I will not ask you as it is seeing that you have been prepossessed and set against me in another quarter and my natural pity for another quarter but I cannot always submit to be subservient to it Mr. Chuzzlewitz that would be a little too much I trust I have more respect for myself as well as for the man who claims me as his bride your sister meeting as I think not as she says for she has said nothing about it with little consideration from you is going away with me said Mr. Chuzzlewitz I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last returned Miss Pexnip tossing her head I congratulate her I am sure I am not surprised that this event should be painful to her painful to her but I can't help that Mr. Chuzzlewitz it's not my fault come Miss Pexnip said the old man quietly I should like to see a better parting between you I should like to see a better parting on your side in such circumstances it would make me your friend you may want a friend one day or other but the notion of life Mr. Chuzzlewitz begging your pardon and every friend in life returned Miss Pexnip with dignity is now bound up and cemented in Augustus so long as Augustus is my own I cannot want a friend when you speak of friends sir I must beg once for all to refer you to Augustus that is my impression of the religious ceremony in which I am so soon to take a part at that altar to which Augustus will conduct me I bear no malice much less in a moment of triumph towards anyone much less towards my sister on the contrary I congratulate her if you didn't hear me say so I am not to blame and as I owe it to Augustus to be punctual on an occasion when he may naturally be supposed to be to be impatient really Mrs. Todgers I must beg your leave sir to retire after these words the bridal bonnet disappeared with as much state down left in it old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking and led her out Mrs. Todgers with her holiday garments fluttering in the wind accompanied them to the carriage clung round Mary's neck at parting and ran back to her own dingy house crying the whole way she had a lean, lank body Mrs. Todgers but a well conditioned soul within perhaps the good Samaritan was lean and lank and found it hard to live who knows Mr. Chuzzlewitt followed her so closely with his eyes that until she had shut her own door they did not encounter Mr. Tapley's face why Mark he said as soon as he observed it what's the matter the wonderfulist who went sir returned Mark pumping at his voice in a most laborious manner and hardly able to articulate with all his efforts a coincidence as never was equaled I'm blessed if here ain't two old neighbors of arms sir neighbors cried old Martin looking out of window where I was a walking up and down not five yards from this spot said Mr. Tapley breathless and they come upon me like their own ghosts as I thought they was it's the wonderfulist who want that ever happened bring a feather somebody and knock me down with it what do you mean exclaimed old Martin quite as much excited by the spectacle of Mark's excitement as that strange person was himself neighbors where here sir replied Mr. Tapley here in the city of London here upon these very stones here they are sir don't I know them Lord love their welcome faces don't I know them with which ejaculations Mr. Tapley not only pointed to a decent looking man and woman standing by but commenced embracing them alternately over and over again in Monument Yard neighbors where old Martin shouted almost maddened by his actual efforts to get out of the coach door neighbors in America neighbors in Eden cried Mark neighbors in the swamp neighbors in the bush neighbors in the fever didn't she nurse us didn't he help us shouldn't we both have died without him haven't they come a struggling back without a single child for their consolation and talk to me of neighbors away he went again in a perfectly wild state hugging them and skipping round them and cutting in as if he were performing some frantic and outlandish dance Mr. Chuzzlewitt no sooner gathered who these people were than he burst open the coach door somehow or other and came tumbling out among them and as if the lunacy of Mr. Tapley were contagious he immediately began to shake hands to and exhibit every demonstration of the liveliest joy get up behind he said get up in the rumble come along with me go you box mark home home home cried Mr. Tapley seizing the old man's hand in a burst of enthusiasm exactly my opinion sir home forever excuse the liberty sir I can't help it success to the jolly Tapley there's nothing in the house they shan't have for the askin for except a bill home to be sure hurrah home they rolled accordingly when he had got the old man in again as fast as they could go mark abating nothing of his fervor by the way by allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had been on Salisbury Plain and now the wedding party began to assemble at Tajers Mr. Jenkins the only border invited was on the ground first he wore a white favor in his buttonhole and a brand new extra double milled blue Saxony dress coat that was its description in the bill with a variety of tortuous embellishments and pockets invented by the artist to do honor to the day the miserable Augustus no longer felt strongly even on the subject of Jenkins he hadn't strength of mind enough to do it let him come he had said in answer to Ms. Peck's snip when she urged the point let him come he has ever been my rock ahead through life just need he should be there haha oh yes let Jenkins come Jenkins had come with all the money and there he was for some few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast which was set forth in the drawing room with unusual taste and ceremony but Mrs. Tajers soon joined him and the bachelor cousin the hairy young gentlemen and Mr. and Mrs. Spotteltoe arrived in quick succession Mr. Spotteltoe honored Jenkins with an encouraging bow glad to know you sir he said give you joy under the impression that Jenkins Mr. Jenkins explained he was merely doing the honors for his friend model who had ceased to reside in the house and had not yet arrived not arrived sir exclaimed Spotteltoe in a great heat not yet said Mr. Jenkins upon my soul cried Spotteltoe he begins well upon my life and honor this young man begins well but I should very much like to know how it is that everyone who comes into contact with his family is guilty of the most insult to it death not arrived yet not here to receive us the nephew with the outline of accountants suggested that perhaps he had ordered a new pair of boots and they hadn't come home don't talk to me a boot sir retorted Spotteltoe with immense indignation he is bound to come here in his slippers then he is bound to come here barefoot don't offer such a wretched and evasive plea to me on behalf of his not my friend said the nephew I never saw him very well sir returned the fiery Spotteltoe then don't talk to me the door was thrown open at this juncture and Miss Pexnip entered tottering and supported by her three bridesmaids the strong-minded woman brought up the rear having waited outside until now for the purpose of spoiling the effect how do you do ma'am said Spotteltoe to the strong-minded woman in a tone of defiance I believe you see Mrs. Spotteltoe ma'am the strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs. Spotteltoe's health regretted that she was not more easily seen nature airing in that lady's case upon the slim side Mrs. Spotteltoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom ma'am returned that lady's husband that is unless he has confined his attentions to any particular part or branch of this family which would be quite in keeping with the proceedings if you allude to me sir the strong-minded woman began pray interposed Miss Pexnip do not allow Augustus at this awful moment of his life and mine to be the means of disturbing that harmony which it is ever Augustus's and my wish to maintain Augustus has not been introduced to any of my relations now present he preferred not why then I venture to assert cried Mr. Spotteltoe aspires to join this family and prefers not to be introduced to its members is an impertinent puppy that is my opinion of him the strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity that she was afraid he must be her three daughters observed aloud that it was shameful you do not know Augustus said Miss Pexnip tearfully indeed you do not know him Augustus is all mildness and humility wait till you see Augustus I am sure he will conciliate your affections the question arises said Spotteltoe folding his arms how long we are to wait I am not accustomed to wait that's the fact and I want to know how long we are expected to wait Mrs. Tadgers said charity Mr. Jenkins I'm afraid there must be some mistake I think Augustus must have gone straight to the altar as such a thing was possible and the church was close at hand Mr. Jenkins ran off to sea accompanying by Mr. George Chuzzle with the bachelor cousin who preferred anything to the aggravation of sitting near the breakfast without being able to eat it but they came back with no other tidings than a familiar message from the clerk importing that if they wanted to be married that morning they had better look sharp as the curate wasn't going to wait there all day the bride was now alarmed seriously alarmed good heavens what could have happened Mr. Jenkins volunteered to take a cab and seek him at the newly furnished house the strong-minded woman administered comfort to Ms. Peck-Sniff it was a specimen of what she had to expect it would do her good it would dispel the romance of the affair the red-nosed daughters also administered the kindest comfort perhaps he'd come they said the sketchy nephew hinted that he might have fallen off a bridge the wrath of Mr. Spotteltoe resisted all the entreaties of his wife everybody spoke at once and Ms. Peck-Sniff with clasped hands sought consolation everywhere and found it nowhere when Jenkins, having met the postman at the door came back with a letter which he put into her hand Ms. Peck-Sniff opened it uttered a piercing shriek threw it down upon the ground and fainted away they picked it up and crowding round and looking over one another's shoulders the words and dashes following this communication off Gravesend clipper schooner Cupid Wednesday night ever-injured Ms. Peck-Sniff ere this reaches you the undersigned will be if not a corpse on the way to Van Demon's land send not in pursuit and never will be taken alive the burden 300 tons per register forgive if in my distraction on my mind has been truly dreadful frequently when you have sought to soothe my brow with kisses has self-destruction flashed across me frequently incredible as it may seem have I abandoned the idea I love another she is another's everything appears to be somebody else's nothing in the world is mine not even my situation which I have forfeited by my rash conduct in running away if you ever loved me the last appeal of a miserable and blighted exile forward the enclosed it is the key of my desk to the office by hand please address to Bob's and Chulbury I mean to Chobb's and Bulbury but my mind is totally unhinged I left a pen knife with a buck horn handle in your work box it will repay the messenger may it make him happier than ever it did me oh Ms. Peck-Sniff why didn't you leave me alone did you not cruel cruel oh my goodness have you not been a witness of my feelings have you not seen them flowing from my eyes did you not yourself reproach me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful night when last we met in that house where I once was peaceful though blighted in the society of Mrs. Todgers but it was written in the Talmud that you should involve yourself in the inscrutable and gloomy fate which it is my mission to accomplish to itself in now about in temples I will not reproach for I have wronged you may the furniture make some amends farewell be the proud bride of a ducal cornet and forget me long may it be before you know the anguish with which I now subscribe myself amid the tempestuous howlings of the sailors unalterably never yours Augustus they thought as little of Ms. Peck-Sniff while they greedily used this letter as if she were the very last person on earth whom it concerned but Ms. Peck-Sniff really had fainted away the bitterness of her mortification the bitterness of having summoned witnesses and such witnesses to behold it the bitterness of knowing that the strong-minded woman and the red-nosed daughters towered triumphant in this hour of their anticipated overthrow was too much to be born Ms. Peck-Sniff had fainted away in earnest what sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear what darkening room is this and that mild figure seated at an organ who is he ah Tom dear Tom old friend thy head is prematurely gray though time has passed the in our old association Tom but in those sounds with which it is thy want to bear the twilight company the music of thy heart speaks out the story of thy life relates itself thy life is tranquil calm and happy Tom in the soft strain which ever and again comes stealing back upon the ear the memory of thine old love may find a voice perhaps but it is a pleasant softened whispering memory like that in which we sometimes hold the dead and does not pain or grieve thee God be thanked touch the notes lightly Tom as lightly as thou wilt but never will thine hand fall half so lightly on that instrument as on the head of thine old tyrant brought down very very low and never will it make as hollow a response to any touch of thine as he does always for a drunken begging squalored letter writing man called pexnip with a shrewish daughter haunts thee Tom and when he makes appeals to thee for cash reminds thee that he built thy fortunes better than his own and when he spends it entertains the ale house company with tales of thine gratitude and his munificence towards thee once upon a time and then he shows his elbows worn in holes and puts his soulless shoes up on a bench and begs his auditors look there while thou art comfortably housed and clothed all known to thee and yet all born with Tom so with a smile upon thy face thou passes gently to another measure to a quicker and more joyful one and little feet are used to dance about thee at the sound and bright young eyes to glance up into thine and there is one slight creature Tom her child not roots whom thine eyes follow in the romp and dance who wondering sometimes to see thee look so thoughtful runs to climb up on thy knee and put her cheek to thine who loves thee Tom above the rest if that can be and falling sick once chose thee for her nurse and never knew impatience Tom will now work by her side thou glide us now into a graver air an air devoted to old friends and bygone times and in thy lingering touch upon the keys and the rich swelling of the mellow harmony they rise before thee the spirit of that old man dead who delighted to anticipate thy wants and never ceased to honor thee is there among the rest repeating with a face composed and calm the words he said to thee upon his bed and coming from a garden Tom be strewn with flowers by children's hands thy sister little Ruth as light of foot and heart as in old days sits down beside thee from the present and the past with which she is so tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts thy strain soars onward to the future as it resounds within thee and without the noble music rolling round thee both shuts out the grosser prospect of earthly parting and uplifts ye both to heaven End of Chapter 54 End of Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens


Hi Dr. Grain. Hey, good morning. Your staff has 60 questions to ask you. Do you have a few minutes? Sure. What how do you describe yourself in three words? tenacious Energetic and funny. Well, we look forward to you being funny. I hope not to disappoint. What's your favorite hobby favorite hobby digital photography? What's your go-to karaoke song Mack the knife? What's your favorite band? Chicago? What is your favorite superhero? That would be Francis Collins Do you have a secret talent? I do It's secret. What? Oh, no secret. Give us a hint Can you give us a hint? It's secret Well, we're gonna walk out here because Devanna has one question for you. Okay And do you have any nicknames? In college a lot of people called me Ladoo Hey Dr. Grain. Good morning. Good morning. What is the best piece of advice you've ever received? Oh, that would be be serious in what you do, but don't take yourself too serious Sure What advice would you give your to your younger self? Take a statistics class? What's your worst habit? meticulous editing What do you find yourself doing a lot these days? Email and a lot more email What do you do on your days off? I catch up on email What's something you'd like to say to your social media followers? I hope you're enjoying my tweets because we're working hard at them We sure are. What's your favorite thing to eat? Lasagna dessert. You can't live without baklava Who do you look up to most in life? probably sort of a combined Person that reflects some of the key mentors I had in my life starting in high school up to the present time I think for born here has a question for you. Oh, hey. Good morning. Hey What is one of your favorite places to visit in the world? Africa almost any country in Africa What's something that you truly cherish? I have an autographed Facebook bat that Alex Rodriguez gave me. No way. It's in my office. Wow And what's one thing that you could never like living on? One thing I could never live without Wi-Fi So what have you learned from the people you look up to? What have I learned from the people I look up to how to be kind and How to be helpful? fictional character you'd want to spend the day with E.T. A movie you could watch over and over again That's hard because there's two Mel Brooks movies I could do that to either history of the world part one or young Frankenstein Not part two. There isn't a part two Well, that's anti-climactic So where are you from? St. Louis. What do you miss most about St. Louis? My parents So I think here has a couple of questions for you who has questions Kim Kim right over here. Oh, hey, Kim Hey, good morning. Hi, fine I can play trumpet or I once could play trumpet. I was a piano player And I'm a little bit of a hacky kind of drummer What's your favorite song to play on Wisconsin and what was the name of your band in medical school the hot dogs? So what's the best thing that happened to you in 2019? 2019. Oh, well, I hired this really terrific new communications director. You should really meet her sometime Well, I hope she's all she's cracked up to be what are you looking forward to in 2020? I am looking forward to Completing the Institute's strategic planning process and publishing our new strategic plan in October. Oh, I think Mike over there had a question for you Mike had a question. Hey, Mike. Good morning. How are you? Pretty good. How are you? Good to see you So, uh, when did you realize you wanted to work in the field of genomics that would have been in 1988 when I decided what I was going to do for my postdoctoral training, okay? And what advice would you give to aspiring students aspiring to study in genomics? I would tell them to be sure to get really good training in data science and computational biology Okay, that's great advice. And where would you like to see genome research in the next 10 years? I would like to see genome research Really changing the practice of medicine over the next 10 years Thanks So what's your favorite thing in your office? That's hard. It would either be my Barack Obama autographed photograph Or it would be a sign I keep above my door that is a quote from Albert Einstein That says if we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research. Oh, are you sure that wasn't been Franklin? well Supposedly was Albert Einstein That's what the internet said So what's your favorite gene? Acistic fibrosis gene. What's your proudest professional moment? Being named NHGRI director by Francis Collins in front of the entire Institute And what chromosome did you help that chromosome 7? Why chromosome 7? There were a variety of reasons We didn't want to pick anything too small and we didn't want to pick anything too big because we didn't really know what we Were doing so we picked something in the middle Should I get my genome sequenced I would say as of today You should only get your genome sequenced if you have a medical reason to do so have you had your sequenced I have not Why not? Because I haven't medically needed to yet. Oh, what do you think they'd find if they sequenced my genome? They would find about six billion G's A's T's and C's in precise order. Do you think they'd find any secret superhero powers? No, I'm not that interesting. Can you play LaBomba? No, not readily What's the biggest challenge about being the director? The biggest challenge about being the NHGRI director is that if you're doing a really good job, someone's really pissed at you at any moment in time What's the best part about being the director is occasionally feeling like it's good to be the king I Stadium and what would your dream job be? I wish I was a good enough baseball player to play professionally So what's one thing you still have from your childhood? Oh, I have this massive collection of thousands of things that I just can't Throw out because I'm really sentimental and so I keep a lot of memorabilia And so you're a little bit of a pack rat. I am a little bit of a pack rat Do you have a history team to take care of that problem? Well, they help me at work because I'm also a pack rat at work But they don't help me at home. No comment there and your life if your life was a song. What would the title be? Celebration, but there's a dance to go with that Who's a historical figure you'd love to have coffee with Charles Darwin. How do you think he takes his coffee?  I take it with a little bit of milk and some Splenda Hmm, what do you love to have on your pizza black olives? Oh black olives nothing else If I'm allowed a second topping, I'll throw in mushrooms controversial So can you tell us a quick fun fact about genomics? The word genomics was coined in 1987. You would not find that word in the scientific or medical literature before 1987 and why is that? Because nobody had thought it up and nobody had put it into print Good morning. Hey, how are you? These days the way I decompress as I watch reruns of the Big Bang Theory and Shark Tank sort of mindless, but sort of fun Okay, thanks that means so what were you most surprised to learn working in genomics? Probably out of all the surprises in genomics was When we realized that the number of genes in the human genome is Actually smaller than the number of genes in most of the ingredients of a typical salad because those plants actually have more genes than we do Caesar salad. Oh any kind of salad What was the best part about working on the human genome project? I would say being part of something historic What was the hardest part about working on the human genome project? I would say realizing that You are part of science historic and with that comes an amazing and challenging amount of responsibility Speaking of which, how do you feel about starting a Twitter account? I enjoyed starting a Twitter account, although I Sort of realized it was probably a good thing to do because I was turning 60 years old and some of the other riskier things I could have done would like jumping out of airplane just didn't seem appropriate. Not yet, right? No, not ever. What career goals would you still like to accomplish? I would say the one thing I haven't figured out in my career is what I want to do when I grow up What is the field of genomics really like? Well, the field of genomics is a lot like the field of dreams except instead of corn plants There are these long double helices of DNA Like a field of genes like a field of genes Last question. So I have this pain in my leg. What do you think it is? I think it's a proof that you really do have feelings. Oh, well on that note. Thank you for your time today, dr. Green. Happy to do it. All right. Bye. Bye