Okay. Hi, everyone. Welcome. Welcome to our Tabula Rasa online retreat. I'm Peter, and I'm going to be the host this weekend. And this weekend, we're coming in live from La Casa de Malagros in Chapala in Mexico. We're just in the midst of a mystery school that's happening here too. And so we have a full weekend ahead of us. But for this starting session, we're going to be joined by Lisa Fair, David Hofmeister, and Frances Sue. And I'll cut it over to you guys right now. Hey, everyone. We have our live studio audience and our worldwide audience. This is all these hands waving.  It's a virtual world. And then right before the pandemic, he was saying it's time for a digital revolution, which is just a remembrance that it's a virtual world, that the world is not outside of our mind.  If we forgive it, then we can be happy. So here we are. Lisa, Frances, we're here with all of you to share the joy. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Tabla Rasa with us. Beautiful. It's just beautiful. I was just talking with Lisa and Frances. And I think back around, I think it was around 1999, I had this inspiration to do a newsletter. And so I made the first issue, and I called it Tabla Rasa. And it was a beautiful, beautiful issue. And it had a woman with both her hands outstretched, her fingers up, and she had her head back. And there were flowers falling all around her. And that was on the cover.  It was the newsletter of one issue that was back in 1999. That was how long it ran. It was, there was no second issue. Even though that issue, I know touched Lisa, she got ahold of it and she was praying in her house and reading it in her godroom. And every day, day after day, that one issue went a long way. But that was 22 years ago. And that was quite an experience. Yeah, we were talking this morning just how profound. Because I remember when I met you, you know, all these shifts and changing changes were going on. And just like, you know, you were this living demonstration. And just this little newsletter for me, as I was just going through all my healing and letting go, just reading it every day. I read it all the time, because it was more about the mystical experience about how you can live your life and be happy all the time and living in the unknown and not having a care for the world. And just how, you know, I would read this tabla rasa. I actually could cry about it. And almost like I'd read it in reference to being with you. Like I would be reading it and think, and I'd watch you. And it was like, you were living this newsletter that had appeared. And I'm like, looking at it, this one issue. And I'd be like, oh, just to imagine that I could live in this spontaneity and be free of cares and worry and be happy all the time. And that newsletter just was like my Bible, really. And I felt like it was just like, oh, I want to read about this experience. And just today, it just feels so beautiful. Like this, seemingly this mystery school is this gift from the spirit for me just to practice that. And to really be in this experience of praying and not knowing, truly not knowing and being open to be shown every day, what he would have me do. You know, what is your will for me, Father? You know, to use me and to be truly helpful. And just in this wide open, truly helpful experience, really not knowing. There's no curriculum.  He's showing us the curriculum every day. And it's so fun because I don't even go ahead in the lessons. I can't wait to wake up in the morning and say, oh, what does Jesus have for me today to open to and to practice myself. So it's like this continual opening that I'm experiencing in this unknown and just such a gift because even we didn't even know we were going to do this till yesterday. You know, this continual expansion of jumping into the unknown.  It's stepping into just kind of trusting Jesus at such a deep level. You know, you were saying this morning about faith, that this is really just a practice in faith and, you know, it's the continual daily process of jumping into the unknown, which is an honor, really. Yeah, that's a, that is a beautiful launch into the spiritual awakening is faith. And you might remember Jesus had said after he returned, after the resurrection, he returned to the apostles and they were all coming up to him and talking with him. And it was Thomas, doubting Thomas who basically, you know, had to come up and touch Jesus' arms because that's where the wounds had been. And then Jesus turned and he looked at Thomas and said, blessed are those who have seen and who believe. Far greater blessed are those who have not seen and who believe. That's the faith. That's, that's a very recent workbook lesson we just had in the workbook of A Course in Miracles. I will not use the body's eyes today. That's pointing to faith. How else are you going to live your day without using the body's eyes, except through faith, it was through just living in what is given in the moment of taking no thought for tomorrow, Jesus said, 2000 years ago. How would you live if you took no thought for what tomorrow would bring? How would you live if you followed what Jesus said 2000 years ago? Take no thought for what you shall wear or what you shall eat. You know, he was giving a practical gateway into the experience of faith and living in the present moment. And someone wrote in, you know, well, I've focused for the longest time just on my body, but now I want to know how to go into the holy instant. I want to know how to live in faith without the thoughts and the needs for what will I do. And it does remind me of, of the workbook to lesson 135, where we've referred to that lesson so many times, but Jesus says, a healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan. All of us have been raised. All of our programming from the ego in the past has, has said, you have to plan for the future. And if you can get good at planning for the future, then you're a successful functioning human being.  What is the purpose of education if it isn't for planning for the future? What would be the point of learning things, learning skills and abilities if it wasn't for the survival of the body in the future? If you had the awareness that you have everything and are everything right now, what would you need education for? What would you need to upgrade your skills and abilities for? What would you need to need to learn more of if you realize that you have and are everything right now? You know, that's what, that's the third lesson of the Holy Spirit in, in the text where you have the realization that, that having and being are the same. If what you have is what you are, why would you seek for more of anything? And there's a very famous section in the later part of the text called Beyond All Idols. Some of you might remember that section. It's interesting that Jesus starts it off with, what is an idol? Do you think you know? Because most of us know that the Bible said, hold no idols before the Lord thy God. You know, that's part of our commandments. But what is an idol? It's not talking about a golden statue. It's saying that the world of images is the world of idols.  And then he goes on to say, he starts off with what is an idol? Do you think you know? He goes on to say, an idol is for more of something. It does not matter more of what. So more is the concept of, is the idol. When you want more of anything, when you want more of, even an experience or more of an object or more of an image, it doesn't really matter more of what. You are not in the moment. You are not in the contentment of the Holy Instant. And that was one of our questions. We had some questions today was, how do I live this? How do I enter into the Holy Instant? And we always are talking about guidance, just living in the given. What is given?  Yes. You know, when we normally operating the way we operate in the world is, we think we know something and we think that we can be in control. And it's almost like a good thing to know that we're in control. But gradually, on this journey, that's what Susanna and I were talking about. You realize actually to be responsible for anything brings up fear, because that is not the reality that we are responsible for the world of images, including ourselves, including the behaviors, including other people, including the awakening. It actually is the opposite of the reality, because we are responsible for our mind. And when we think we are responsible for anything else is a direct denial of this one responsibility. And inevitably, there is fear. So in the daily life, we can work around and think it's good thing I can decide on this, I can choose, I can make choices, I can do whatever I want. But at some point, we realize, wow, it's it actually there is unconscious fear that just sit there. And we don't know how to truly feel the peace. And I feel like this is the reason that we even come together in the weekend, because somewhere inside we know, we're here to listen to the thoughts and the voice of the spirit. And that gives us peace. This is what we have an experience of, to be able to join together and tune into the voice of the spirit. It gives us peace. And this can be lived and this can be an experience that peace can be always here for us and always available. But it is such a habit to tune into no other voice, but the voice of the spirit. And what David was referring to was, Susana and I were talking because she has been, you know, she was married, she's married still, but she could she need to make a lot of decisions around her house around what she does around the daily decisions. But recently she has an experience where she was given so many things to do seemingly, but they were they were guided tasks. And when she can let herself relax into it, let her day just from the moment she wakes up in the morning till the moment she goes to sleep, just to realize, oh, I don't have to make any of the decisions about my day anymore, because they're all given to me. And then she tapped into this deep peace she hasn't experienced for a long time. And that what we were talking about was that Jesus said, don't don't think you can understand any of it until you pass the test of perfect peace. So we're not able to really understand what this is about, what guidance is about, what the spirit is about, what autonomy is about, until we actually have an experience of perfect peace, then we understand what brings out peace. So this is truly the central message of the Course which is let the spirit guide you and have an experience of the peace. Even this morning before I came, I had a few minutes before I came to the studio and I thought I'll just flip over the book just to see whether Jesus has anything to say before I came. And the sentence was, you'll be told of everything. If there is one message, you will be told of everything. There's no other message. Yeah, it's interesting how Jesus says this course is not a course in knowledge. The goal of the course is not knowledge, the goal of the course is peace and inner peace, peace of mind. So if that's the goal and we're told that it can only be experienced in the present moment, then that again points to opening to an experience of what the present moment truly means because that's where the peace must be in the present moment. But if you've associated thought with the past or if you've associated thought with the future, then all those thoughts about the past or the future are the blocks to the holy instance to the present moment. So of course a miracle gives us a means called the miracle and a means called guidance, basically tapping into guidance. And there seems to be a lot of beliefs around even guidance. We did a whole retreat one time in the past couple years on guidance and the whole focus and the emphasis on in the retreat was that guidance is always just to bring you into the present moment. It's never for anything in the world. Oftentimes people talk about I want to be guided so that I can be financially sound and set or I want to be guided to a particular partner or to a particular set of circumstances or a particular situation. That's not the purpose of guidance. Guidance is simply to release all thoughts of the past and future and come into a state of pure being in which you realize you have everything and are everything and have always been everything in this simple simple state of mind. When we say simple even the word simple has many meanings in the world but it's almost like Jesus tucked this very simple experience almost if we use the metaphor of the body like under your nose. So as you chase around and look everywhere for it it's under your nose. Jesus is laughing no no no don't try to make this too complicated. It's closer than the air that you breathe. It's closer than your breath. It's that close to you. That's what the kingdom of heaven is. It's closer than anything that you perceive in this world. So to me that's where the allowance and permission comes in and once you come into this acceptance then you are simply observing and watching the world. You're not trying to to judge it. You're not trying to take a side. You're not trying to have an opinion. You're not trying to have a preference even.  You're just really accepting that all things are exactly as they are. So this is something that can be experienced but it's not something that can be transferred in words. We're just letting the words come from the experience. We're letting them like the flower gives off its fragrance. We're just sending that fragrance off and extending it but the joy is in the moment and that's what we have such gratitude. That's where the glory of God is in this very moment. It is also very practical because when you're in the moment then everything is given you that you are to share and to extend. If it's a word, if it's just to be silent, if it's just to feel the grace of God's love that is everything. So it's not understandable as Francis was saying. You can't first seek for understanding and then arrive at the peace. You have to arrive at the peace and the understanding goes together with the peace. Peace and understanding go together and cannot be found apart. So that takes it off of the wheel of trying like a hamster trying to chase after it. Everything we've done as a human being has been about productivity. It's been about self-improvement. It's been about make the world a better place. Make yourself better than it was in the past but it's a trick. Who you are in the moment is not really a matter of better or worse. Who's judging? Who's judging? Not God. Who knows us as we are. It's only the ego that is trying to put up this smokescreen. So what a joyful time we have. This is our life. We are in Tabula Rasa and even though the newsletter one issue came out back around 1999, we're still in the moment because this is really the only moment there ever is or was or will be. It's quite a ride because it really is letting go and just watching. It's a surrender just to... I love that what you say because I remember that's like on page 11 of the course. I remember reading that for the first time. It said you are and have everything right now in complete abundance and I remember reading that and at the time I really didn't believe that at all and I thought you are and have everything right now in complete abundance and it's like this just sitting here listening to you. I remember just reading it over and over and over again that that was the truth and that it's an experience. It's not just the words. It's an entering into that holy instant to feel that grace to acceptance accepting that that is who we are. So yeah I just feel like it's a spontaneous... We were talking about how we're in this kind of like there's waves going and the sand when you're in the waves how the sand is moving and it's this purification that's happening as we're just riding in these waves. It's like this wave of healing that's continually happening but it's pulling us into the present moment. That's what I feel for myself is just like that's the only thing that yeah like it's the only thing that really is valuable like everything else is a trick and to be so present and feel the presence of the Spirit and feel the presence of God and just watching in amazement watching in the wonder. This morning I woke up and it was like I walked in the like truly like it's everything becomes so brand new. There's no past reference to what's happening so you know even just this morning just this oh wow the sun looks so bright today the trees look so beautiful and the red was never so red and just walking through this opening to be shown like a little child you know that I don't know the way and just feeling this love and this grace and yeah so it's it's it's beyond words just there's no words I just want to keep you know watching in wonder. And what we really want to do today is come to extreme extreme simplicity and practicality because you may be listening to the words that are being shared from this state of mind and may be saying I wish or sentimentally I agree with you sentimentally I agree with the words that are being spoken but and the but can be a sense of anger or annoyance or irritation a sense of disgust a sense of frustration a sense of of the human condition the the simple frustrations that seem to occur on a daily basis and so the question you may be asking is like how come how come if if if I am everything if I was created by God to be everything how come the the frustrations of what seems to be daily experience so you know there's beautiful metaphors in the course about about the sunbeam and the sun and about the wave a ripple or a wave on the ocean and the ocean and that's the whole thing right there is the belief in parts if you I mean what could the sun really know about a sunbeam except knowing itself what could the ocean think about a ripple or a tiny wave on the surface of something that's so vast the ocean goes all around the globe all around the world and when we believe in the ego and when we think with the ego we have this way of thinking that's called parts and whole okay and all of us are familiar with this like when you bake a pie the ingredients are the parts and the pie is the whole if you have a family they may have family members that are the parts and then you have the whole family or if you even about an atom and you know that the atom has protons and neutrons and it has a nucleus people would say well the atom is the whole and those tiny little parts protons neutrons electrons are the parts what Jesus is telling us in the course is that there is no difference between the part and the whole that they are actually not different at all they are the same and some of you even know the phrase the whole transcends the sum of the parts remember that one the whole transcends the sum of the parts what Jesus is telling us is that the whole and the parts are not different in any way why because there's only one of us there's only one mind God doesn't think in parts God doesn't think in terms of parts particular specifics Jesus tells us the whole world of specifics was made by the ego God is abstract love God is pure love pure oneness pure happiness pure joy eternity doesn't have parts and yet when you perceive yourself looking at time and space you must realize that to look at the world with the Holy Spirit is to know no difference between the parts and the whole so the it's a perceptual correction I always say there's a perceptual problem you have to first admit you have a perceptual problem what does that even mean I have a perceptual problem if you went to you know like a 12 step group hi my name is so and so and I'm an alcoholic hi my name is so and so and I'm I whatever I have a drug problem I have whatever I have a human human being problem and what if you went in and said hi my name is so and so and I have a perceptual problem it's basically admitting that you believe in parts and whole you believe they're different you believe the parts are different from the whole that's that's what the perceptual problem is it's it's a fragmentation in perception that's the problem it's not the specifics of people places things situations that's all based on ego and linear time so how does this relate to you we were having a discussion because as we watch the world on every moment we watch the world and we watch what seems to be arising the only way that you could not be at peace with this world is to believe in the parts and that's what Jesus calls authority problem he says you have an authority problem your author is God and you believe you are the author of yourself that's what the ego has tricked the mind into believing that it's the author of itself and how does that relate to you on a day-to-day basis whenever you are upset in any direction or in any degree it is always become because of the authority problem it's because of the belief that I can author myself there is no problem and there is no upset in experiencing I am a creation of God I have been authored by God eternally authored by by God but we were talking about this idea of autonomy personal autonomy seems to be a good thing that's one thing that the mind has been accustomed to thinking that it's good to be autonomous it's good to be an autonomous self it's good to have autonomy and then when I went into a course of miracles and I looked up the word autonomy Jesus says your autonomy is in your creation in other words when God created you in spirit that was the gift of autonomy in spirit being spirit is the true meaning of autonomy that's how that's how Jesus recognizes God and that's how the recognition of the I am presence is is remembered is through the true remembrance of autonomy and yet the ego has made a world based on personality selves based on I'll do it my way like the Frank Sinatra song you know even though the song is quite intense if you know the lyrics of it I did it my way you know we have to come away from that sense of my and we have to go into thy will be done let me know thy will let me know eternal love let me know spirit that's where the the joy is the autonomy in in trying to believe in a separate self brings about all the struggles of the human condition every single struggle that you ever will experience is coming from a sense of the wish to have an autonomous separate self apart from spirit so on the day to day basis this is where we come into guidance this is where we come into listen and follow anybody who comes into our communities you know will say what is this listen and follow and what does it mean and and I can tell you it's just pure joy because when you are and listen and follow you are being sourced you are in alignment with source you you are saying and meaning in the moment I would have no separate will from you you are letting go of control of the world as Francis mentioned at the beginning you you want peace of mind more than you want to control outcomes you want peace of mind more than you want to control the body that's just false responsibility too when you think I am responsible for the condition of my body I am responsible for how I look upon the body in the world I am responsible for my perspective of the body I am responsible for my perspective of the world but I am not directly responsible for the body or any specific situation because I am here to see the world as a whole and then there's a very famous line in the course it also says Jesus says make this year different by making it all the same oh my gosh that is like the key to happiness make this world this year different by making it all the same is is really like if you were going to have a new year's resolution that would be the new year's resolution is to start to see the sameness of form and and by seeing the sameness of form you realize you are in the forgiven mind you are experiencing forgiveness but as long as you perceive differences in form that is the wish to have an autonomous perception an autonomous identity an autonomous self that is apart from God so to me this is fantastic why would I want to try to see parts different from the whole and what would stop me from just letting go into this state of mind that accepts all things exactly as they are accept the belief in sacrifice that somehow something bad will happen if I no longer try to control the world that's been our experiment with tabula rasa and we're here to share the good news the basically the good news is there is no negative consequence to surrendering to God it's all good it's all good God is always for us God has never been against us nothing's ever been against us we were just mistaken on that there's the home home crowd there's they're they're panning around welcome to the mystery school welcome to our living room yeah I felt even feel like with the school it's how we live all the time so we've opened the doors for six week increments for people to come and experiment and experience that and face the fears and the control and the authority problem like that's the opportunity is to be able to come and taste this just don't take our word for it to really fully step into that and that's what all of you guys have done together we've kind of come in together and said okay here we go and really in the prayer every day to be shown uh you know what is your will for me father and opening up to seeing that the guidance you know is just naturally happening in the original yes of every one of you coming here so it's so wonderful it's like we've all said yes together it's kind of like a ride it's how we live and and uh it's ever new Joseph and Francis you want to share yeah we are actually in we just passed 30 day mark in the mystery school so everybody has been here for exactly 30 days and you know the when we come together this is what we are the only curriculum is to learn to trust the spirit and learn to listen to the spirit's instruction for us and what is gonna show up is that this unconscious eventually would started to to bubble up because it was very heavily controlled the unconscious guilt when we are going about in our daily life set preferences about how we wanted to to live how we wanted things to be is really about how to manage these things that cannot be managed which is the perceptual world and then when we come together we're basically just saying like David said okay we don't want to control this external world and we want to yield our our will to the spirit what is your will and we are going to trust whatever show up and then what happens is there will be a lot of peace and a lot of joy but at the same time this authority issue that would show up in different upsets which has which has been held under the conscious mind would also bubble up so basically what we're seeing is a lot of the things will show up like anger like annoyance and issues that we don't like will show up but they are actually the curriculum if we understand it's not problems that show up for us to get solved oh I don't have a good day today that's bad but really the bigger understanding is these are the what has been sitting on the unconscious mind and once we start to line up to say okay only your will thy will be done I'm willing that all this rage sitting underneath that to compete with God's will is going to show up in very tiny subtle different ways with people most likely but this is what we wanted to to share as a context this is um this is okay this is the the curriculum of forgiveness that is in our face on a daily basis as well and we're presented with what is actually sitting underneath that willing that are ready to be to be healed and to be released and this is very simple even the healing is doing it in its own pace as set by the Holy Spirit even healing is doing that on its own so we're just here to give our willingness to say yes we allow that yeah we give full permission to allow everything to come to the surface so it can be exposed expressing everything it's the way out I don't know why I was thinking about this one time this was at the very beginning years together when I first was starting to listen and follow and uh you had given me the opportunity to prepare for this retreat down in Kentucky I don't know if you remember this and uh gas was like five dollars a gallon at the time and uh I had just started to you know open up to listening and following and David said okay you know prepare for this retreat and so I had this whole big plan everything that I was going to do for this retreat and I had uh blueberry pie I had all these things on the list that I was going to get for this uh retreat and uh so then you called me you and Jason called me and said there's been a change of plans and they you said uh we were going to actually just stop and grab some pizza and some coke so scratch all those plans for a menu that you had for the retreat especially the blueberry pie it was a damn blueberry pie but I went nuts do you remember I was yeah it was actually Jason was with me Jason called you and he just very matter of factly was on the phone with you just saying well we're going to pick up some things on the way down and so there's no need for the blueberry pie and everything and and then I just I was standing across from Jason and I heard this torrent of screaming it was like Lisa was spitting nails she was she was more than hopping mad she was more than angry she's more than furious she was so angry that Jason just put the phone away from his ear because this went on for a little while it just was rage rage rage rage and then I watched Jason and and you were addressing Jason pretty directly and everything and I watched a teardrop roll down his cheek as he's holding this phone out and everything and and I thought yeah this is what forgiveness is all about when you have a belief in an outcome even a blueberry pie if you're if your mind gets set on any outcome in form including baking a blueberry pie that can take all your piece away because that's really what I was talking about that's what an idol is it's an idol is something that you want in form that you believe you'll be happy if you get that outcome that thing and it can be a blueberry pie it could be a relationship it could be I want a sunny day instead of a rainy day you know it could be anything but that was that was very very healing in the long run it was because I was down at the retreat center by myself and I felt like I was like this caged animal I mean really I felt so much control and so much rage and just really what it was just like this tyrant of energy and I just was with it and then just even like in the prayer and I remember laying in my bed at night and just was like you know just really facing this massive control and in the prayer too just like you know holy spirit helped me see this differently and even seeing my resistance to asking but it was just like me just being with and just really seeing it it was just felt yeah like out of control and I don't know something happened it was just me laying with it and being with it and and facing it and I remember was so beautiful because like you know just being able to hand it over I don't know what happened actually but I remember that all of a sudden you guys were coming down like 10 11 o'clock in the morning with pizza and sodas instead and uh it was a miracle I saw it was like oh my god just like you know just that I could face it and like totally hand it over something happened I don't know what happened but it was like just totally allowance of me to be like that and then uh you guys pulled up in the drive when I remember coming out and I almost like you guys were thinking okay what's happening in there and my burning down the house went like you know I was like it's a miracle it's a real miracle because it was really just this full permission you know even on the phone with Jason and I remember and I was screaming so loud it couldn't stop you know just you just the full permission and then he said Lisa it's me Jason he kept saying it's me Jason I'm like a few man a few you know I don't care who it is I had a plan but it's that you know this my will our will that's what I see it's just my will my control my ideas of what I think is right and wrong and this complete willingness and that seems like so long ago but just like this complete you know healing I can feel it right now as I'm speaking just this total trust seeing that God's will is our own will you know that that is the interference from him to be able to fully use us and yeah I just feel like just this that seems so long ago but now this opening to just totally being this full vessel it's like oh then there's just this beautiful it's like we are just like a feather then there's no interference anymore those ideas and thoughts and and beliefs you know it's just all the past and then living in the whole holy instant of an experience that all my word you know yeah just that it's yeah words can't even describe it it just is this you want to continue to open into this holy instant you know letting go completely and yeah yeah no more words but just knowing that you know that authority problem how strong it is and how important it is to be able to bring the darkness to the light and that's what the expression sessions are about that's what one-on-ones are about you know to be able to face it together but then also being willing to see it differently you know willingness you know I remember you used to say this to me and I love that you said holy spirit choose God for me when I'm too resistant you know I'm too resistant right now but holy spirit choose God for me help me I'm in too much resistance and just that willingness to even ask that you know when you're in that intensity it's like I I'm I want to see this differently you know it's like it's gonna take a determination to see it differently I'd rather be happy yeah I think in a lot of of eastern philosophies non-dual philosophies there's a lot of talk about non-attachment some of you who've studied a lot of the deep teachings the Vedantas everything's about non-attachment how does that fit with forgiveness well Jesus is saying that forgiveness is simply seeing the false is false he's saying among all these images there's no hierarchy of illusions the meaning of illusion is not real so how could one not real be be more important than another not real that fits perfect with all the great Indian teachings on non-attachment and I think for me this is where you really come down to the true depth of forgiveness I was on YouTube last night and I I typed in Jesus of Nazareth and and up came all these scenes from the very famous movie it's over it's Franco Zefarelli it's over six hours long but when I typed in Jesus of Nazareth then all these different scenes and then one of them I went down scrolled down and it said last supper so it was Jesus with the apostles and the last supper I said oh let's let's review this scene again the last supper of Jesus with the apostles so I push play and there was Jesus and there was a big party they were dancing and there was lots of happiness and party and Jesus was kind of quietly sitting with his back against the wall and then finally after the party died down a little the apostles came and gathered around him and Peter came right next to him and then Jesus very calmly started to say things like in a while I will be with you no longer very short while I'll be I won't be with you well that's and a ripple imagine you're having dinner with your master and your master's you know having sipping some some drink and saying very matter-of-factly very nonchalantly very commonly I'm not going to be with you much longer that kind of got them stirred up and and basically Peter who was sitting right next to Jesus said Lord wherever you're going I'm going with you and he's like no no no Peter where I'm going you're not ready to go Peter was very upset he was like I he was protesting to show his loyalty no no no I tell you I will go with you wherever you go and Jesus was very calm and he just kind of calmly looked over at Peter and he said before the cock crows the rooster before the cock crows you will deny me three times you will deny that you even know me now this is where we start to get down to the authority problem we have a human being it's right next to Jesus who's wanting to profess his loyalty like no wherever you're going to go I'm going with you and Jesus is saying you're not ready you know there will come a time when you will will lead others to me he was talking about Peter was the one that Jesus said I will Peter is a rock I'll build my church St. Peter was the one that that the church rose up to teach the teachings of Jesus but at that moment was in the the last supper he was basically saying no you'll you'll deny that you even know me three times before the cock crows and and then that really sent Peter off no no lord he was now going to convince Jesus that he knew more than Jesus and so then he started protesting quite loud no never he Peter looked at Jesus said never that's how offended he was that Jesus would even say before the cock crows you will deny that you even know me three times now this just showed me when I watched that scene last night I thought wow that just shows how thick the egos mesmerism is it goes beyond personal loyalty it goes beyond the loyalty of seemingly have been with Jesus for three years the apostles were with him for three years of public teaching and then here down in this final last supper that they're having is suddenly the unconscious mind it was coming up that like you were saying it was coming up for Peter like no no no never I see he looked right Jesus at the eyes it's never you know like almost like in front of everybody here saying I'm going to deny that I even know you never you know but Jesus was was in a state of mind that is just so absolutely connected and one that realized no this isn't about the words it isn't about what the scenes that will seem to come next this is about how much God loves us that we all are connected in spirit and nothing that you can say or do in form will change that love that this is about seeing the false is false the Christ was in such a state of mind that it could just look upon the world of images this theater this plague I'm calling the last supper and it could just look upon that with the same detachment and the same glowing love as any other scene of like taking a walk on a sunny day with the apostles it was the same thing of saying I'm not going to be with you that much longer because as I've said about the cross we're here to have the vertical beam the vertical perspective of the cross the right-mindedness the forgiveness of truly seeing that the images can't tell us who we are because God his spirit created us as the Christ and these images cannot fool us that's what Jesus was really teaching that don't be fooled by what the images say or do don't be fooled into believing you can be mistreated he says that in the course beware of the temptation to perceive yourself unfairly treated wow is that a deep temptation that's that's been a defining temptation of our whole life I was mistreated I could have my parents could have treated me better my siblings could have treated me better my co-workers and then I go through all this I come to a course in miracle community and you think the people at the course in miracles community would treat me with love don't they know the pat benefit her song treat me right it's like if I can't get treated fairly at a course in miracles mystery school what chance what chance do I have but see Jesus is with us inside saying keep coming to me I know how strong you are I know you're a child of God I know your innocence I know your strength I know your perfection your perfection God created you perfect and that is in spirit so to me this is why we have expression sessions this is we have there are more sessions of allowance it's more like allow it on up allow all of it up allow any of it up I remember we we had a road trip we have a had a friend years ago named stew who said hey I'm following you guys on the internet and I'm loving it and I've got a house out in northern california and you're welcome to just just come right on in take over my house and have one of those retreats at my house it's a nice big house it's got a lot of acres so Lisa and a group of us went out there and I remember when I was out at that house one day I was in my bedroom just praying and meditating and they were getting ready for the daily lunch expression session and I wasn't really feeling hungry I was just praying in my room meditating but then the Holy Spirit said go to the lunch so I actually got up went down the hall and came in and they were having soup and maybe some other toast and a few other things so I went over and I got my bowl and I scooped myself some soup and I looked it was a big square table and there was only one spot on the corner that has one chair left and I went oh there's my spot so I came and I took my soup and I sat down and I sat there and it was an expression session the woman sitting next to me I just started having my soup I was taking the spoon up and just starting eating she went into full-blown rage she started taking her fist and pounding on the table and my bowl was going like this and somebody apparently got their iPhone out and started filming the whole thing Jenny I think Jenny or somebody and so I sat there and enjoyed my meal because I was guided to have some lunch and it was an expression so I sat there and and the video I think it's still on the internet is me you can hear the bowl and the silverware clanking as she's been both fists pounding pounding hammering the table and I'm like I look like like the Buddha I wasn't even looking at her I just and to be some people a few people said I think Deanna was yeah she said the reason that she actually came to the community was she saw that that film on the internet she said whatever that is I I want I want to go toward that because I had absolutely no reaction and it was like a storm it came and it went she did it was total allowance for it all and and she ended up just coming very calm through the whole thing you were you were there you remember that I think it went to the end where she even kind of just settled down yeah yeah got very quiet like oh my word just yeah just that came right into this stillness with it all yeah really beautiful but these are just examples of what I'm talking about like forgive means see the false is false because we're never really upset by what's happening we're only upset by our interpretation of what's happening obviously if Jesus you know went through the whole thing carrying the cross and they they hammered the spikes in his arms and his legs and then reportedly from the cross he said forgive them for they know not what they do that doesn't really sound like an angry an angry expression that's that's quite meek forgive them for they know not what they do and and in the context of having blood pouring down from your arms and legs and having spikes driven through and you're hanging on a wooden cross that seems like a pretty extraordinary a statement forgive them for they know not what they do it must have been from a state of mind of forgiveness of must have been from complete non-attachment from seeing the false is false from realizing that there are no appearances that can change what God created as one in spirit God created Christ as spirit and even if you fall asleep and have amnesia and forget that you're the Christ still you must always have it within you to remember that was the movie the lion king that was my favorite scene when Simba goes way off to the far lands leaves the the pride lands and goes way off and then when he's gnarla comes to get him and when he's coming back uh his father move Mufasa who's passed away is just this voice of James Earl Jones in the sky remember remember that's all it takes is that and then he's able to look into the pond and see a reflection and and the monkey Rafiki saying look look deeper because he's saying that's that's just my reflection in a pond that's the surface reflection if you look at your in the mirror you see it the image reflected back but Jesus is telling us remember who you are remember who created you remember that time and space can never really trick you because it didn't trick me he was tempted to believe in the same world and the same illusion and he was saying just remember I remembered the truth you can remember it too it's destined it's inevitable the trick cannot last because God's will is more powerful than a trick God's will is forever so that's that's powerful these kind of scenes are just reminding us oh yeah that's the larger context that's what this is all about it's not about whether I can do the test right or if I meet my quota or if I impress somebody or if I prove something those are all ego motivations because they're all on the timeline they're all horizontal yeah sweet well I think we actually I see Alma Rodriguez has got waving a hand maybe she can get the ball rolling for us we have virtual hands you don't even have to use a digital hand in the room you could just use one of the good old fashioned but maybe maybe Alma you could share what's on your heart because I happened to look at the screen and there I saw your digital hand up there I have and I was thinking well Jesus talks to me and talks to everybody about that thing and how approach your Holy Spirit and God to them and and but we are ready to listen or not but it was the ego who was founded it remember because then I wanted this out of time and another thing more and I was always worried what what is happening to war we are parasites the human beings are parasites of the world so we are destroying it and worry about everything always talks about my kids and everything then two years ago when this this episode and this of the famous uh coronavirus begins and all these things stories inside the masses for Maya for me uh and uh I'm not a realization from Jesus uh uh reach me and I uh to the person's miracle and I get in and then I hear Jesus is bringing me and that's why my mom is of course only all the things that I don't understand in in normal life and regular life on magic every how is it possible that you happen how is how is it in hope no it's not coherency so when I hear I think it was you whether it's surely because I told you in francis friends uh or you read the some friends and everything only way that everything and that's the time that thing happens to me can be foreign is because this is a dream in a dream nothing happens you can be a little baby and then you walk and you find your mother when she was a kid and play with her and then you are a unicorn and that's that's the only explanation I feel this is in the moment as that now I understand everything all the marvels that came here and next go where you throw the marvels of the marvels in the house you know they get put in the house and all my marvels get in place this is the dream and everything that explains everything everything and that was two years ago in february and when I began to do the second invitation to the first miracle then okay now I'm going to do it this is the first time I was a translator and I didn't pay attention but now I do and I'm glad because now I'm going to change but my question after all this chalala and all is was that the evil she gets to sweet so clearly like the creep has to pick up y'all no the name will run and I say hey jesus why don't you talk to me like that clear in my face because I I think reach the signs and uh because it's the first don't do as they ask or ask me and then we follow the the guide and that's why I've been doing I don't want three months to go that because I was you know uh a little busy with all these things and and say well what is it and the answer is in the question is what is the the ego of that boy I predict today I don't know made me to know that but now that I'm here and I have the ability to ask you that and to tell my experience in my necessary uh I want to know any one of you who wants to answer I'm glad thank you thank you Alma it's just you're just so delightful when I'm when I'm watching you I'm I'm thinking back to a show I watched many years ago called Saturday night live and weekend update and you remind me of Roseanne Roseanna Dana uh she would always have this big long thing and then finally one of the other people Jane Curtin or whatever would say a simple answer and then she'd go oh never mind after she gave the whole thing but yeah that of course that was the ego uh you had a glitch in the matrix like the movie the matrix the first matrix you know with the cat that goes by a couple times and and they're wondering Neo's like wondering what what was that and they said no that was a glitch in the matrix you you had a glitch in the matrix that for an instant you were in a kind of a mystical state of mind where you were non-affiliated with people places things with with Alma with with your your partner you were just in that state of dreaming and then uh the ego rushed in to immediately say no don't you remember and brought all the past to kind of soothe you and say no no you're the role you're the role but you're not the role you're the dreamer you're not the role it reminds me of this movie we saw recently what I did commentary on The Truman Show where as soon as things start to happen the the serious light comes down and lands on the the road and then the announcer says a plane flew by and was shedding parts when he has things happening like he sees his father and then a lady comes and they whisk him away and they force him onto a bus they say they talk about the homeless problem of homeless people on they always explain away in The Truman Show the ego tries to explain away the mystical experience explain the glitch away because the ego doesn't want the mind to wake up if the mind would keep going in that direction of of that state of mind the world would disappear and that the ego doesn't want now your other part of your question was I I you were saying I want Jesus to talk to me come on Jesus you talk to me like that give me your guidance and and Jesus does say in the course he says that you you have to have the willingness to hear he says you if there are many answers you have received but have not heard because the ego fog is so thick that it doesn't want the mind to hear guidance it doesn't want the mind to take its unwinding steps to be free like Truman to go to leave The Truman Show it wants to keep the game going and all the characters going and he wants to keep the seriousness but like you realized nothing ever makes sense in a dream and the very first workbook lesson of A Course in Miracles is nothing I see means anything that Jesus has got his workbook lessons designed to take you back for more than a glitch he's like saying we're going for more than a glitch the glitch was like a glimpse of of where we're going with forgiveness but we have to make it stable now we have to make it we have to transfer the training to all situations and all people so thank you you that's a perfect way to have a start us off at the tabula rasa interaction and and I now you've got that smile on your face that never mind roseanne roseanna dana never mind thank you thank you ah adorable it's a comedy show too that was a great comedy show Saturday Night Live well anyone maybe there's someone in our live audience in our live audience and anyone up there oh Vic I see is it Victoria is waving on the top row on the right there's Victoria I saw Victoria waving yes and I just had this experience of just timelessness and peace and but then when I came to there were all these people like leaning in on me you know trying to move my body around it it was uh and you know the mind immediately wants to go to um you know all the fear and what's wrong and you know what caused this and blah blah blah but uh you know listening to Alma and her experience of just spacing out um made me realize that yeah I could focus on all the fears around my body or I could focus on the experience I have of timelessness and peace so I just wanted to uh share that oh thank you thank you Victoria you know over these last few decades I have had so many experiences myself and so many beloveds who have shared their experiences with me and at first they are there can be kind of shocking to the ego because the ego believes in the reality of what's happening and it will have its whole story you fainted that's dangerous you know it it has a whole story and purpose behind everything for its own purpose you know to try to seem to exist but I remember in the early years when I met Lisa and she was unwinding from a nursing career but and having a company that staffed nurses but I remember there was a time where Lisa was telling me that she was was with a patient and she was kind of put in charge she was this was when she had nurses training she was being trained as a nurse and she was with this patient and she turned away for a moment she looked back and the woman had fallen and hit her forehead on a very sharp edge of a table and so Lisa said oh my gosh and she went over there and the woman turned and her face peeled off her whole it it it had cut so much across her forehead and this was just a patient that Lisa was with that the whole face it would be like a wearing a halloween mask and then the whole the forehead just dropped down over the lower part just like just flipped right down like that and then Lisa's reaction was oh you know she just absolutely freaked out but and I've had people that have worked in emergency rooms that have had experiences on the battlefield when they were during a war they have even in the middle of what seems an extreme experience in the dream as the ego would interpret it there is this choice for a miracle which is to to become and to just let the spirit come through that's what a lot of the experiences you had when you were going through nursing they were very miraculous actually when you look at them now yeah because that that situation with that woman I mean literally there was blood splattered everywhere and and her face was hanging her forehead was like over her face and it was you know when I very first got the course so I was like really paying attention to how I was feeling and just really getting present with this body image and everything and and so I'm running around and and I called the supervisor and I'm like oh my god you know I don't know what to do with this situation and so she came in and and we actually I'm like feeling projecting all the stuff onto this patient and then it was interesting the supervisor said well lift the flap up and I'm like oh my god you know so I had to take this piece of skin and just flap it back up and when I did she was laughing she was she was like underneath this skin she was going and I was like okay what's going on you know and literally like she had this big smile on her face like and I was just like oh my word like that was all in my mind like just even my own fear and this even responsibility that I needed to fix something all these things in the whole thing but yet my nursing career just was teaching me things over and over again how it was just all happening in my mind yeah and and what it does is it it brings us back to that thing that we're never upset for the reason we think that's lesson number five and basically we never are upset with what's happening in front of us with what our five senses are perceiving it's our interpretation of of what seems to be happening is where the upset occurs and then Jesus when you go much deeper into the course he will say that your interpretations and your perceptions are not separate so he's slowly teaching us with his workbook that our mind is judging and interpreting and we may even think that there's an external world where something is happening apart from our mind and then we interpret like initially Lisa's reaction with ah oh but that was coming from a perception of being a nurse a nurse's training you're responsible for the patients and now suddenly one of your patients has their forehead drooping down over their mouth this is it's kind of like your life has been like lucio ball all these kind of extreme i mean if i was here you got a few weeks i could tell you all the things that she's like lived through six lifetimes in one but these are all extreme experiences but they all for for teaching that you have the power of interpretation that's the one lesson that's underneath even these extreme seeming extreme cases so i remember one time i was out and i think i was in a in a park and there was a mother with her little toddler and holy spirit was always teaching me really profound things from very simple occurrences so i was watching the mother i was watching the little toddler and the toddler was going along and it was like a like a pavement with some some gravel on and the little toddler was going along toddling along and then suddenly the toddler went down i mean the toddler went down hard and went down face first and arms down hands down and everything and i'm watching the situation and then after it happened the toddler turned to look up and see what mom's reaction was to the event the toddler looked up as if like is this a good thing or is this a bad thing and the mother was so peaceful and so calm that she simply just very gently went down with her hands and she put her hands to pull the toddler up with a big smile on her face the mother had and she just gently rubbed the toddler's hands together because there were some stones in there and she said she was smiling and speaking gentle words the whole time and i was watching the whole scene and i looked the initial look on the toddler's face was is this good or bad that's what the face was saying i don't know i do not know what anything is for and then when the mother was in such a loving place the toddler started smiling too and it was is if nothing had gone wrong because the the strength of the interpretation it determines the situation it's not like we're a human being that we have to face external situations is that our body and the world the body seems to exist in are part of a projection and that projection is coming from our state of mind we're either judging and interpreting it in a very personal way which is the ego and then we react emotionally in a huge very different versions of fear fear guilt anxiety depression you know all those are just derivatives of the ego of fear but when we learn to train our minds to see the world without personal interpretation which is to see the world with the holy spirit then we remain calm and that was like even you calling another nurse a supervisor or someone what do i do what do i do and she's like well put let's put the flap back up and then you saw the laughing face under the flap which would seem to indicate it was all hilarious there was nothing serious about hitting your head and having your face fall off the laughter the laughing underneath the flap the the laughter was showing that you can laugh at anything and if you can laugh when half your face falls off then you you know you can laugh about that about anything so i've found over the years too it's like i feel like this gentle laughter in my heart and this very happy laughter inside of my mind and yet Jesus would guide me to go to something like a funeral and when you go to a funeral it's not good to just stand up and start telling jokes and and do your stand-up routine at the funeral because the inner laughter is where the joke is in Jesus says it's a joke to think that time can come to circumvent eternity he's poking fun at all of time and space he's saying it's a joke to think time can come to circumvent eternity but what i've found is like even when i would go to a funeral i would just feel this happy laughter inside because i i wasn't experiencing that death was real so i i could go but i was always used in ways that were very meek and gentle um i at my grandmother's uh funeral they the the woman who was doing the eulogy she saw me there and she said uh oh i see lilians grandson is here david why don't you come up and say a few words about your grandmother and then i went up there and then literally lilians spoke through me she spoke about all the love and and people started crying at the funeral because they were there to honor lilians and i was being used as a vehicle or vessel for her to speak at her own funeral that's just an example of a higher perspective instead of the ego's grieving perspective loss sacrifice uh whatever its beliefs are around death those were not there it was just the higher perspective of gratitude love appreciation that comes through so these are pretty strong examples but that i think that fits in with you had a glitch like alma did you had a glitch there yesterday where you seem to faint and then you felt so wonderful after you've fainted that your mind started to just drift into a a miracle a miracle state of mind and then when you came back the ego tried to hammer you and say don't be feeling so good because if you keep fainting you could die you see how the ego will always try to come in with its own fearful interpretation but thank you alma and and victoria you really started started us off here today in the tabula rasa state of mind wow well looks like we've five hands you want to um i see amber there i don't think i've heard from amber before maybe you could come on if you can there you are hi amber okay so i started studying a force of miracles when i was 16 years old and and then four years later when i was 20 years old i had what the force calls a revelation and i experienced that and i didn't know like the time that's what it's called but i continued to read the book you know through my whole life and i realized okay i'm thankful what that was so found like wonderful absolutely terrific experience and you're the only other person that i met or come in contact with was also experienced for a relation because i like to look i want to talk about it with people like sometimes i look on youtube and i look for people who've had what they call NDEs near death experiences of people who have flatlined and you know been pronounced legally dead and then gone to the other side either they see the light or they haven't had any drain in my experience uh i was just um i was just i was doing this mental diet um really i had a bad voice in my head it was just my ego really trying to mess with me as a young girl you know about 19 year olds and um i decided to do this mental diet where i just would starve myself of negative thoughts and gorge myself on positive thoughts i did this for seven days and on the seventh day my mind seemed to be a friendly place again and i took a nap i woke up from the nap i went to walk into the bathroom to wash my face and when i entered the bathroom instead of seeing the bathroom all i saw was just an endless pool of the brightest white light you know brighter than i possibly imagined and i stepped inside and i felt like i was stepping into just this endless question of perfect love and truth and goodness and beauty and god and the possibility of fear and pain became completely impossible and i realized oh i'm home you know like my life from the day i was born had just been a dream everything in the book has been telling me all this time has been true but there's no way i could have gotten it from reading the book i really had to have this experience in order to get it like oh it's it's real i i'm awake now and i've been in the i've been at home the whole time i've been in in god's custody and god's heart and god's mind the whole time and god has been so i had this experience last about a minute and with each passing instance i feel 10 times as good as i felt the moment before and 10 times as as as wise as loving as loved as close as beautiful as connected to everyone else in the world and i was just like god's god was thinking for me i wasn't doing my own thinking i was allowing god's thought to just be the conscious thought in my mind and i loved it and i thought that this was i don't know how i made it here but i thought yay i'm home forever and this is my experience now through eternity uh and then um and it was just profound and wonderful and then i had this thought which was that you know my own thoughts sort of snuck in there and the thought was if only i had known that this is the truth if only i had known that god's love was supporting me and all my life was sustained by the love of god like the workbook says that there was all this love and divine um support available to me at every moment that it was such a beauty uh wasn't sure if i was like if only i had known reality was so true and everything else just a dream i would have lived my life differently i would have been kinder to my mother because i would have realized she's not my creator you know she's just a fellow dreamer uh and i have a creator who can give me all the love i need and i would have moved confidently in the direction of my dreams because i would have known uh my creator supports me in everything i do and as soon as i had that thought snap i was back in the bathroom i saw the the tile the shower is stained and i was oh david i was really upset i i was really ticked off about that i wanted to spend forever in god's presence but the good news was i continued this mental diet i continued starving myself of the negative thoughts and forging myself on positive ones and reading the course of miracles and i i did reading the course of miracles and kind of an angry space you know but now i was able to read it and and hear the love that was in it you know because it always felt like jesus was yelling at me you know and telling me you're so crazy you're so wrong you're the you're the problem and now i was reading it like yeah i'm crazy i'm so wrong i'm the problem i'm not the power you know and and and but but he loved me and so i continued this diet and then for the rest of that year i just lived in bliss i just lived on the cloud nine i loved everyone i met i i meet friends of where i deepen my friendships i made up with my mother who i had a contentious relationship with and it was just it was just a heavenly heaven on earth kind of existence um and and it only stopped because i i stopped practicing those thoughts i started getting into listening to the voice of the world and the ego and paying attention to it i i i got involved with a guy who bad movies is what happened and so it sort of wasn't a good idea but but since then i've had this experience again i get back on track and so forth and um and i and i and life comes like like a heavenly journey again um but it's been a while since then uh right now my life is not so you know extreme it's also up and down so you know either terrible depression or or or high highs it's just been sort of a pleasant you know plateau um but i noticed i i had um i had i had a skin problem like right in my crown chakra if you can't see it but to me that was a sign that my body was telling me you need to pay attention to you know your spiritual life and i jumped on my email and i saw you were doing this online retreat i said oh it's tomorrow i'm signing up you know i'm not going to sleep in late tomorrow i'm going to go see david and francis and and and i've seen lisa before and and and go get get plugged in again you know so i i i don't know why i raised my hand except to tell you that i love you i'm happy and i'm grateful and if anyone else has ever had a revelation i'd love to talk to you about yours um i'll i'll leave my email in the chat or something like that um and thank you for doing what you're doing i can't i can't i am going to come and visit you in one of these houses that you have around the world and it's because i'm really looking forward to it i'm looking forward to the challenge but you know there's nothing more important um to me than waking up and and i know that the jesus said you know sometimes people wake up at the moment of death you know they realize oh i'm not interested in any of these things i was interested in before and then they're free but um it would be nice if i could uh wake up even before then uh so thank you and i'll let you get back to you thank you amber well it's good leave your email in the chat maybe you can you can call it uh revelations anonymous uh you know that's what these anonymous groups are great for because people come together who have had really profound experiences but but need an opportunity to to strengthen it by by just sharing what it is how deeply touching it was and i think you had a good point when you said when you were in the bathroom and and had that revelation it's the only thing that brought you back to the world to the timeline was was that if only thought uh and that i have done youtube's and lots of teachings over these last decades on hypotheticals that that a hypothetical is is is an if only and you had the if only was kind of like if only i had lived my life this way and treated my mother better and and really seen she was just a dream figure and and not this thing that i thought she was but uh i remember years before the course came my grandfather whose name keeps showing up hindrick we i keep having all these henricks and hindricks that's showing up everywhere in my life now i think it's my grandfather saying i'm with you i'm with you but um he would he would sit with me and i would be watching sports shows or something on tv and i was getting all emotionally hung up and caught up in the game and who which team i was rooting for and upset at the referees and on and on and he would raise one finger to me with a big smile on his face and little twinkly eyes and and i would look at him like what because i was all upset with what i was judging in on the tv screen he would raise his one finger and he would say if largest word in the english language and i would be like what's he talking about but he was teaching me about hypotheticals if only things were different if only i had known this before if only the referee i would say if the referee hadn't blown the call my team would be ahead by 10 points but he was teaching me and he's still that that's the presence of love teaching us to learn to practice to be present and realize that things are always exactly as they're meant to be and jesus says this in the course in the workbook romana maharshi says it in in different ways you know you if something's not meant to happen there's nothing that you can do to make it happen and if something is meant to happen there's nothing you can do to to avoid it or not make it happen it's just teaching us to be present that's what the present moment does it just shows us that we're it we've always been it and and in the dreaming of it we are free and that's what your revelation was showing you too so thank you we love you amber hope to see you yeah hope to see you soon and well we have do we have any time left we've got we've got about 15 minutes yeah i see wow we've got all kinds of people here lined up here what about jason jason kim ha ha speak as fast as you yeah there's there's no translators today so you can just rattle on at any speed you want yes yes the miracle system for her and i just want to say ditto i mean this is my home i i really feel like this is my home base this is my home base i went through undergraduate at carpoli was my undergraduate advisor and now i'm in graduate school and david hoffmeister is my graduate advisor and that's kind of the way i look at it now because you know jesus when he wrote a course you know it was like oh finally somebody has it has like lessons somebody has has the text you know and then you just got to work through the lessons it is just so it's it's helpful to me because having been in school for decades i i needed something that was linear you know even though in buddhism you know the buddha talked about how the eight-fold path is just a spoke in a wheel and they're all working together at the same time um the uh you know i'm gonna put my email in there too uh for amber because i've had so many experience i even had a healing experience last weekend i've been suffering from extreme back pain for a long time for about a year and a year and a half now and i tried everything and um i was in a lot of pain it was at night and i just was sitting at the edge of my bed and i put my head down and i said jesus holy spirit please i didn't say heal my back i said heal my perception of my pain please and i had all this energy go down right where the pain was and it lasted about a minute or two i was i couldn't believe it i couldn't believe it and there's no explanation for that how could it target exactly the pain how could some experience target exactly the pain and um anyway that was a beautiful i don't know if that's a symbol or a miracle i'm not real clear on the terminology yet but um and i have been going to 12 step groups online going saying hello i'm jason grateful to be in recovery i'm very careful not to say i am an alcoholic because that's not what i am it's a condition that my mind is suffering from i'm learning from that card and uh he actually came out and finally said you are not an alcoholic but um and i say i i have a perceptual problem and an addiction to linear time and it goes over so many heads nobody's like oh you can't say that you know 12 step groups can have some dog minds um oh we can't change the book we can't update it and all this stuff so but you know it just coincides so well with the 12 steps you know this tabula rasta i've been using that i've said tabula rasta and in the meetings at least a dozen times at least a dozen times and i'm sure they're thinking wow this guy reads a lot no i can't get from you you know people think i'm wise i'm not wise i'm just a parrot that's trying to incorporate some of these principles into my my bird life so uh what else there's so i know i'm gonna forget something you go oh i forgot to say that but i also want to come down i've been i've been wanting to come down and oh i know the most important thing i have to share with you david and francis and lisa is i have a completely different view now of my estrangement for my daughter it's been over two years and when i yesterday i had when i the thought of my daughter came to me for the first time i felt joy i felt gratitude because about a month and a half ago i had a vision i was so sad and i was crying or i was just depressed i think and i and jesus came to me in a vision and she he was holding my daughter when she was a toddler she's going now and she said he said you know we'll be waiting for you just do you know just keep going don't worry about your daughter just keep going now i see it as things are happening for me not to me you know and when i look at it like dad is like oh i don't have any responsibilities with my daughter she's got her stepdad or mom i'm free my mind was so attached to my relationship with my daughter feeling like there was loss i suffered and that's what it took for me to hit my bottom and finally really just focus on me and i feel like the pandemic was for me i needed a home retreat for one year and i stayed home we couldn't really go anywhere and i just hours and hours and hours of listening to you and francis and ecard um sometimes i'll listen to muji and and uh and rupert but uh that's what i love about of course miracles is we can go talk to people who are doing fedanta who are who are practicing buddhism who are doing mystical christianity there's no boundaries there's no boundaries there's not either you're with us or you're with them or we believe this so you got to go to this and that denomination it's just freedom you know pure freedom and i remember uh oh i remember exactly what jesus said when when that miracle happened with my back it still comes and goes i'm doing uh rolfin now which has been burial um he said don't worry about your body so much and don't worry about your daughter just trust and just just keep going and it just happened it was such a beautiful experience it's just and i don't want to make too big of a deal with it you know because it's just a symbol on the right path that's all it is these things happen all day you know but it's been tough it's been tough um so i just want to thank you guys sima says hi to everyone here she just she just reported and released her book um physician heal myself um audio so she has it on audible now so i'm just listening to her talk about the placebo effect i always thought first i worked in clinical trials for so long and i always thought why don't we just figure out the placebo effect because that worked for everything instead of spending billions of dollars on research uh on specific medicines just heal the mind you know and so thank you so much you guys have saved my life well i am like but you have saved my life Jason thank you how sweet that's good that see how one question why don't we discover what's underneath the placebo effect takes you into your mind and then you have jason's like i am life okay that's uh that's putting an answer the answer to the placebo effect i am life i love it well we have time maybe for one more you see maybe maria maria hi maria need to unmute there's telling me you still need to unmute here yes well that's good we love to hear that and i think maybe we can go to dirk we've got more time dirk maria came flashing through like a comma than the night with her happiness to say um thank you uh and to to um to say hello so this um uh grateful to be here and to to hear all these ideas uh now as as jason uh spoke about um his daughter it was teaching for me because my my own daughter is she's 21 and uh it's similar to to his situation so there are so many examples yeah and um i thought maybe about a prayer um not to take not to take this world and all these figures so serious uh so to to um to learn to be to be happy and joyful and to um to accept all things so and i i thought about my working situation um and in in my work there is there are many situations or many many um people who um seemingly treat me so it's a huge a huge pool of healing stuff in it and i feel it comes so much up it's a huge fear not to be right not to do the right things or not to be interested in outcomes and to be honest yes i'm not interested in outcomes and um that's seems to be or it seems to be um causing such fear um and yeah that's that's my prayer therefore not to be not to to see it differently and not to take this word and these figures or this reasons in this word so serious um yeah and um that for me to see that it is always the right place where i am for example in my work for example the people i am with why i'm working or why i am being there and um because yeah my my and i think my ego tells me is telling me tells me um almost all the time it's wrong i'm wrong here i do not the right things and um so that's that's a lot of stuff for me to accept and um yeah yeah that's that's very important yeah so that's my prayer not to take so seriously and to use and to to use or to let jesus use all these situations and um there are so many miracles so many um things are going on and i have no control only i feel it i have no control um but on the other i have still fear i feel this fear or rage this this afternoon there was a situation and i felt because i'm not leading the situation and i i stepped back or i i i had to step back and wow to to learn let it go let it go how it goes or what what's um the colleagues are doing it's not my it's not my stuff as it's rage as well to be annoyed to be rage and to be in fear i i wish i could um enjoy my my work like this year to be with you and to see to see it in the same way for my healing for my healing for our healing that i'm not separated from you that that that you are all here all all my brothers here and sisters and that's my that's yeah i i love to to to think this and to to grow in this that feels good i i pray i pray to transfer it and to to um to find to find all these signs and and guidance to to go through it with you when all with your all all your stuff and all your teachings yes so thank you thank you um there was there was time for me thank you thank you thank you dirk oh thank you dirk and rhea you made time there for dirk to share such a precious prayer with all of us you know sometimes it's interesting to look at the metaphors and symbols in nature when you think of like a a flower just being in one position and all those weather conditions wind and rain and sun and then the leaves start falling by it and the dog or the cat walks by and all these things and the flower is just there just very very steady just experiencing everything and everyone and everything around it you know in a place of graciousness just giving its beauty and its fragrance giving its gift and and in many parts of the world this is fall autumn so in many parts of the world the leaves are falling off the trees and and the trees aren't crying and grieving and why have you left me when will you be back uh am i supposed to continue on without you where you're going to the ground you're going to the grass and leaving you know it's we we can start to see in terms of nature the humor of the idea of of loss or we i was i was the tree i was leading but now you're on the ground and the ground is leading now and you've left me you know you can start to see all these stories that the ego makes up and projects on to the world so i join you in the prayer dirk we're all right with you we could all feel your heart and we're all going to just stay in this experience of of our love and our connectedness and and face whatever whatever arises that that needs to be released so thank you wow what preciousness well well i think we've kicked off our weekend retreat and i think maybe one of you can share a bit about what's coming tonight because we've got an amazing experience a lot of our mystery school students are going to have an opportunity to share some of their experiences with with collin right tonight we're going to do we're going to jump in again to the tabula rasa and collin is first me and collin are going to just join a little bit and then we're going to spontaneously see uh there's a couple people that are going to share about their experience here and what they're going through so yeah it's it's the living experience what's happening right now here the casa so it will be in seven hours it will be tonight okay central time seven yeah so thank you thank you all for joining us we're all with each other we're all in this together let me love you so dearly thank you thank you okay thank you david and thanks everyone yeah we'll see you in just seven hours time for our next session and looking forward to it so see you then


Hello everyone, welcome to another Narc Survival Live video. As you can see, I am in the jungle today looking out at this amazing view. Alright, so today we're going to talk about when they see you with someone else. How do they react to that? How does it make them feel? But first let's talk about how they do it to you. They triangulate you with someone else. And the reason why they do that is because they're jealous and insecure. That's where they discourage you. If the narcissist was so secure with them themselves they wouldn't discourage you in the first place. It's all about regaining control. But normally that's not why we do it. We do it because we've forgotten about them. We're moving on from everything they did to us. And we're just wanting to start again. We're wanting to start with something new. And really there's nothing wrong with that. I mean at some point you've got to move on from it. So, yeah at some point you move on to someone else. Someone who is hopefully better than what you were dealing with. At least. And yeah at some point the narcissist catches up with you. They realise that. They see you. And of course they get very jealous. And it may cause a narcissistic injury. It may make them very angry. And they may lash out at you in that moment. And I don't mean physically. They may attack you verbally. They may give you a backhand of compliments. It may be something under the radar. Or they may even just completely ignore you. They may give you the silent treatment. They may act like it doesn't matter. Or as though they're better than the new person you're with. Because remember they have these massive egos. Where they're better than everyone.  At least that's how they see it. But another thing they might do is it may trigger them to hoover you. Because remember these people have no morals or values.  They will pop right back in to your social media account. Or they may call you on the phone. And maybe they will mention what they saw. They may say that they saw you with someone new. And yeah, they might play it off like you look happy with this new person. You look like you're having a good time. Because they know that's going to catch you off guard. And just by them coming back into your space again it reignites all of those feelings you had in the past for this false character that doesn't even exist. And then the cycle starts all over again. Unless you're smart.  Once is enough. But yeah, they will get jealous. There's no doubt about that. It will affect them. And they may become competitive. They may try to compete with this new person that you're with. And they may try to win you over. They may try to regain your attention again.  Put yourself in the narcissist shoes. Imagine what is going on in their minds.  How would a crazy person think? And then you know. You know what they're thinking. You know what they're feeling. You know what they're about to do. So yeah, that's all there is to it. It may or may not cause a narcissistic injury. It depends on how they view you. It may amuse them. They may think it's funny. Because remember they're so arrogant. So grandiose. They're better than everyone. So they may even laugh. But that is just a coping and defense mechanism for how they really feel it inside. Because inside it's killing them.  But there's nothing they can do about it. But if you have moved on and you've found someone new I just have to take a moment to congratulate you. Because it's not so easy to do that. And you know you should really take a moment to just congratulate yourself for that milestone. Because moving on from a narcissist it's not easy. Not with a trauma bond and all of that. And if you've found someone who treats you right they take good care of you. And they appreciate it when you take good care of them. I'd say you're on the right track. You must be doing something right. Because I've got to tell you for a lot of people it's not that easy. It's easy to just move on and ignore the Hoover attempts and get yourself to the point where you're actually even interested in dating again.  For everyone's looking to profit at your expense. I mean that's what this does to you. It just makes you so paranoid and hyper-fidgety. I mean everyone's out to get you. But I've always said that on here. I've always tried my best to make that clear that not everyone out here is like that. They're not. There are good people out here still. There may not be many of them but there are some. But you have to catch yourself as well because often what can happen is when you move on from one of these individuals sometimes the victim can take on the role of being maybe not an actual narcissist but someone who is narcissistic someone who is more self-absorbed and lack an empathy that can happen as well because it's more comfortable for you to be playing out these roles and if someone else isn't going to be the narcissist to you then you may choose to be at least that role to them. And I'm saying this from experience I've noticed it in my own life where I haven't been so willing to invest in certain people in my life who maybe deserved a lot more than what I gave to them. So I think it's important to remember that because I think I speak for all of us when I say that the last thing we want is to become like the very people who did those things to us. I mean we don't want to continue this curse and spread it among other innocent people especially those who are just trying to help us. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that that is the last thing that we want to do. We want to put a stop to it. We want to cut this stuff out of our lives because it's no good for anyone. It's no good for us. Toxicity, it is not helping anyone. We want to promote more functionality, more good things, healthy relationships and you know that's really my mission right now is to do that and we definitely need more people out here like that. I think that's safe to say. We need more positive messages in this world because there's a lot of things out here that's... you know, it's really not promoting anything productive and I think it's affecting a lot of people. I don't like a lot of the things I see today on things like TikTok and Instagram. You know, these things they're not progressive, they're not productive. So yeah, you know, I think it's important to spread this message because what I'm giving to you today, you know, this... I hope it is a positive influence for you.  So yeah, I hope that you will share this video with other like-minded people and I don't know if you know, but I do have a business opportunity at the moment as well where you could earn $2,000 a month, maybe a lot more. You can earn a lot of money from this project and yeah, it all involves just cropping, editing and sharing videos, Knoxviver content, cutting it down to clips that are under 30 seconds rather and just sharing it on YouTube, you know, spreading the awareness, getting this message out there and yeah, there is also a very good income that could be made from that as well and it could be done from the comfort of your own home. So if that interests you, send me an email. It's coaching at Knoxviver.co.uk I've already had a few propositions for that and I think people are already sharing the content right now. So the message is out there. It's spreading. Things are getting better every day but still at the moment we are not monetised on YouTube anymore. So one thing we are missing is financial support, investments. So if you would like to contribute to the channel, you can do that from my PayPal. It's PayPal.me slash Knoxviver and coaching as well. You can book a session with me through my website. It's Knoxviver.co.uk but yeah, you know, when they see you with someone else, most likely it is going to anger them. If not, then they must just see it as a joke because they're so arrogant. They're so full of themselves. Just coming back. Going back now. Another one. Got a new car. I like to change it often. Beautiful car, very fast. CLA 45 or black and red. Just the way I like it. But yeah, just take a moment to congratulate yourself. You know, if you have moved on from a narcissist and you've managed to find someone who treats you right, I mean, that is a great achievement. So really take the time today. You should be very proud of yourself because for a lot of people, it's very difficult for them to do that. And those of you who haven't moved on yet, you're not ready to date, that's okay.  Take some time to heal. It is a process. It's not something that just happens overnight. So, you know, the most important relationship in life is the relationship we have with ourselves. So focus on that for now. Get to know yourself. Get to know who you are. Learn to love yourself. You know, after everything we've been through with narcissists, I mean, you know, they do a lot of damage and that is not attractive to good people. You know who that's attractive to? Narcissists. They're seeking out people who have recently been injured, damaged. Those are the kinds of people that they're looking for weak, vulnerable people. But when you heal yourself and you become mentally strong, that is not so attractive to a narcissist then. They may be attracted to other qualities, but they don't want someone with strong boundaries, someone who knows who they are. They're not going to mess around with someone like that. But a good person, it's okay. They respect your individuality. They respect your boundaries.  You have to find the middle ground, but there's going to be that mutual understanding, respect. So, yeah, it's very important to focus on that relationship with yourself. Get to know who you are. Now is the perfect time to do that. All right. I don't want it to be all doom and gloom. We've got to promote positivity as well. Moving on from these things, getting better, strengthening yourself, having new relationships. These things are very important in our lives. But yeah, that's it for today. Thank you all for joining me. And I'm going to head off now. You all have a great day.