Absolutely, you have, you have goals, you have potential, you're much better than that. You are enough, you're beautiful. Yes. Stop it. Yes. Yeah, let's move on. No need for love triangle issues. Step in fact, wish them well. Absolutely. Wish them well and move on girl. Yes. Yes. Because there is a better one for you. Yes. Yes. And for the young men that are cheating, come on, you can do better. We need some gentlemen. Yes. Yes. Some protectors. Yes. Some protectors. Some fighters. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we ask all the young men to please step up because we also care about them. Absolutely. Yes. And I'm sure the young men that are also watching are wondering, we also get hired in this room. Yes. Yes. The girls are applied to the house. Yes. Yes. Yes. All right. Now I want to touch on trauma a little bit because that's what you deal with. Yes. Yes. So some people have gone through trauma. Yes. You know, from childhood and now they're in their youth. How do they rise above that? Yes. You know, and we've been talking about it around about it, but trauma, it just overwhelms the body to the point where it makes it just difficult to do things. And even thinking when you've been traumatized, you cannot process information clearly. You can, you know, so it's important that when we look and see how trauma affects us, what it does is that it stresses us out to the point where it ages us internally. And we begin to be, we are older on the inside than we show on the outside. And any issues or predispositions that you have, for example, if there are family health issues, those issues tend to grow. And the trauma manifests diseases in your body because the trauma is hiding in your weakest organ in your bodies. And it's important for us to understand that in order to get rid of this trauma, one easy step is to talk. Another easy step, and I love watching when we first got here, I saw the youth dancing in the background, dancing, sports. All of those things are ways to get the stress out of the body and outside. Because inside the body, it just destroys our organs. It destroys us and ages us on the inside, right? All right. So they need to address it and move the stress out. Talking to someone is the easiest thing to do. And are crying, singing, dancing, moving, just moving, walking, going by water, sitting and listening to the water. Anything that causes you to move and do something is going to engage in something that's going to help you. Okay. Awesome. All right. Doctor Wade, so your organization, you've been doing a lot of training. Yes. And you just mentioned just before the interview that you were in Pungoma, and you've helped girls there with sanitary towels. So usually a girl coming from that kind of background, you know, there's the shame that's associated with periods.  So how would you advise? Oh, goodness. I think if you, what we told the girls is to keep moving forward, keep furthering your education, but to also talk to other people, seek out your dreams, really focus on what you want to do with your life. And don't be afraid to pursue those dreams and goals. Seek help. I'm reiterating this for a reason. Reach outside of yourself. Don't be afraid to cry because I saw some of the girls in that community cry. Oh, goodness. It broke my heart, but it warmed my heart, too, because they weren't afraid to show that emotion with us.  Don't stigmatize that the normal human biological thing that we've been given by God. So to really focus on I am worthy, I have value, and to really target that shame and guilt. There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. Really be mindful of that. All right. Okay. I'll take a note of that. Okay. Yeah. To engage you, you'll have to see on that. Yeah. We had a great time with the girls, and I think the shame and guilt, it's unfortunate. And we keep going back to normalizing the conversation. It's okay to have personal products. We all need them, right? All the girls. And our men, the boys, our uncles and cousins, and nephews should be proud of buying those products for your nieces, okay? It helps. Yes. We need to keep our girls, we need them to look up. Yeah. Yeah. The girls have dreams. And it was so beautiful to just listen to them, talk about their potential, their goals in life. And the beauty of this was we had law enforcement officers actually take the lead to give the sanitary towels. Wow. That's the big brothers supporting the girls. I think to me that was the highlight. Yes. Yeah. I agree. So we need to also bridge the gap between the law enforcement and the community so we can normalize the conversation and humanize this whole life issues. They're not issues actually. That's who we are. Right. We cannot run away from it. Right. Yeah. Now, before we come to a close in this conversation, for girls and boys in the African setup, the different challenges that they face. So my question is mental resilience for men as compared to ladies, how different is it? Resilience is how you move through, how you push through issues and still come out stronger on the other side than you were going into it. Okay. That's the resilience. The one thing about men is men have challenges talking about what's going on. And so, and they keep things to themselves typically more than women do. Women, we just talk. Yes. We just talk. And we will just, and we'll say how are you my sister? What's going on? I see some things wrong. You know, what's going on? And we talk. We cry. We'll get it out. But it's still moving on what you're supposed to move on, on what you said you're going to do.  But there's a big difference in how men and women, and then the stigma that comes with it.   It is, it is not true. That is not true.  Men are women. You can cry. Yeah. So men can cry. Men can cry. It's okay to show off. All right. What about women that this stages of life, especially when you're getting to marriage, you know, the expectations, you know, when you get married, I leave sometimes. So when they get to, when they get to go to marriage, this expectation that you're supposed to have children, and this, it has been fertility week. So I want you to address it. So, you know, you expect her to get children, and maybe you're having a challenge with that. So how do you ignore the voices around you and just focus? Yeah. Oh, do you want me to answer? Okay. Yeah.  So this has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with fertility issues, anything like that. And I know from what I'm learning about the culture is children are a big important part of the culture. As many cultures, our culture is the same way. But this has nothing to do with your worth and value as a person. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen when you want it to. It may not happen naturally at all. And you still have to know that you have worth and value, even when you hear all those voices around you. Yes. And to add on to that, our brain is not completely developed until we're 25 to 30 years old. Right. Yes. Think about that. How many of us, including myself, had children before you were 25 with an incomplete brain? You were not able to process like you're supposed to. So it's important to remember that. And just to think that with maturity comes wisdom and how I can relate and talk to this young person that I've now brought into the world. All right. Awesome. This is so good. Yeah. I think there's no need to be pressured by the society. Right. If you're, you know, when somebody is married, I want to believe that they have their own personal conversations. Sometimes we don't know why people, you know, have a delay in, you know, pregnancy or having children and all of that. So we need to give people a break. I just want to say, give me a break. Give people a break. Give me a break. Because you don't know what I'm struggling with. It could be health, physical health issues, other issues. And children, they are a gift from God. So it's God who decides. Right. Exactly. Bottom line. Yes. And it's also personal. Right. And also let the older cancel or encourage the younger. Right. Exactly. Instead of the shaming and guilt. Yes. We just need to stop. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. So now I am tempted to ask another question. I want to close it. There's one thing. Let me see if I miss it. It's easy. You know, you've said, talk to someone. Talk to someone. So maybe you're that friend who's always been talking to you. And maybe you're not going through stuff. But does that affect you at some point? What do you need them out? How do you let it out yourself? Yes. Do you know secondary trauma? You're not only traumatized by what you see or witness yourself, but you can get traumatized by what you hear and read from other people. So it's important to understand that when people are talking to you and talking to you about their issues, it can traumatize you. No, it will traumatize you too. So you've got to understand that when they're talking to you, you can show empathy, but not accept and absorb everything that they're saying to you. That's really important. Yes. Please. It's also called compassion fatigue. Yes. As a mental health counselor. So it happens to us professionals as well. It's sometimes it's just too, too much. Yes. So I encourage you to still be a warm, inviting friend and family member, but you have to have that boundary of to say, you know what? I think I need some extra help here. Maybe you need to talk to your pastor or someone who can better help as well. Okay. So you also need to talk to someone. Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. So now let me ask you to give each one of you actually to give one last advice for the youth that are watching. Last advice, you are unstoppable. Yeah.  That's right. You matter. Yes. And therefore keep fighting a good fight. Be your own advocate. And don't stop your dreams. That's right. Yes. Awesome. I love that. Yes. And I would say you're not alone. Yes. There are people who care about you. People you don't even know who are praying for you today for your dreams for tomorrow. So just know.  That's true. Lovely. Yeah. So two things. I want to reiterate the importance of movement. You asked earlier about men and women, the difference in resiliency. Yeah, yeah. It's interesting mental toughness. If you participate in sports, you're in movement walking. Yeah. You can develop your mental toughness as a female as much as a male. So it's equal. The research shows that. And then just to reiterate also you have worth, value, do not give up. Please reach out to someone because someone cares. Okay. Wow. I love all this. I'm taking them all home with me. I hope that you have taken key points from this lovely conversation. Thank you very much, ladies, for coming on board today. Thank you. Thank you. All right. And advice for the youth. Okay. So I've been joined by Dr. Wade, Dr. Dawson, and Dr. Wangeshi, all from the Kenya Alliance for Mental Health, advocating for, you know, mental wellness. That's what they're about. Thank you for staying tuned in this particular conversation. We're going to take a short break. And then we're going to come back with another conversation. Stick with us.


Welcome to Toffy TV. Everton have announced a new deal with Hummel Sportswear to produce the kit for the next three years, ending our long association with Umbro. It's been a while hasn't it? We've been with Umbro since what, 2004? Oh yeah, sorry, when they came back, yeah, from the Coxball team, yeah, so... A Nike. A Nike as well, yeah. So it's changed, but they were back 14-15 season, I think, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. The dark socks, but yeah, it's been five years, hasn't it? So Hummel, in the first time we've ever had Hummel, we've got a little muck up here, a little muck up we got made, but it's a blackout, I love blackout kits, so... It's nice, isn't it? Well, you say it's nice, it's no reflection of what the kit would be like, but it just gives you the little thing of the chevrons on the arm, and obviously the Hummel, and we've thrown the event in the community sponsor on there. But bit of a departure for us, isn't it? Hummel, for us, we're old enough to remember when Hummel was boss. 1986 World Cup, Denmark, ladrwch, incredible, just Denmark kits, just for a sec. Well, in the 90s, Spears, I mean Spears had the Hummel kits, and Coventry's kits, and Coventry beat AC7, and that went through, and they still had it in the 90s, so it wasn't like a kit and stuff before they moved, and obviously Strong Danish brand, and Denmark have had them kits for like half a year, like half a year, like literally just get half a year back, that's it, so for us. Or any, see? Yeah, but we won the best trophies in half a year. We did, we did some of them. Yeah, it's something different, you know, the reaction to the announcements, what I've seen anywhere in social media has been really positive actually, for Evertonians, it's unusually upbeat for Evertonians, there's a reason for that. Well, there you go, but rather than us just, I know people would say oh, it's rather Nike or it's rather have, you know, deed or so, whatever, but where we are, we ain't going to get, but yeah, you could get in the deed as a kit, as it's been proven by like Wolves and Lester, teams like that, but it's just literally what we have with Nike last time, just stick it on bad young, there's a kit, stick it on bad young, you can buy that kit for a tenner, actually on our catalogue. So to have someone who's going to look after us, we're their only Premier League team, with the biggest club they've got now in their brand, so that means that, you know, they're going to look after us a little bit, and we had the similar thing with Umbrow, it was like bespoke stuff, but we are their number one. Well, to be honest, it reminds me, like, one of my before was, I think, this year's kit, Umbrow, from Umbrow, don't get me wrong, the kits are, I think all three, the home one's grown on me a lot, the home one I like, I like from the big, but it's grown on me now. But I like the home one away from the, away in the third from the start of doing the kit, but it seemed, the whole thing seemed very last minute and rushed, and a lot of people, and I'm not speaking out of town here, a lot of people have spoken out about how poorly the quality is of the training gear, and it was all like, stuck on badges and stuff like that, and it's all just come off in the wash, from that point of view, so I think people are like, well actually, you know what, if we're going to get good gear, which willful we are, then it's not a big issue. And as you just said, there, and there had to be someone's number one brand, then, like you just said, have a Sunday League kit with your badges up, which we've seen this season, less there's kits, two of them, you can buy for like a tenner, and if you know the right people, you could easily get a badge and a sponsor put on there, and you could have a kit for buttons, and it just, and for me that just reflects a lack of quality in the whole thing, so. Lach y thwr, daw yn y lach of, you don't want to be someone's after thought, do you? Really? Because, obviously if Nike comes to heaven and went to like, we'll have you, and yeah, we'll give you the badges to stick on yourself, but we'll give you 30 million a year, or 25 million a year, then you do it, but forget not a lot of money to just have a Nike emblem on. There's a hierarchy, let's be honest, of those big cuts, there's a hierarchy, and it's not even that, there's not even that many clubs, I think Nike have like eight or nine brands in the world that they really look after, and the rest are all like secondary. So, for those who have come in, will come in, technically this is the end of the season, technically, so it's, that's why it's being announced, obviously we don't know about the sponsor yet, because we're changing and all that sort of stuff. Dave said online that we're going to see a kick in a couple of weeks now, whether that's just someone on the Twitter getting a bit excited, and actually we don't know yet, but for the cost, for what we're getting for it, we're getting apparently in the region of eight to ten million, which will double what we got from Monbrough. So, whether people like the brand or not, we are, I think that moves us up to about the best of the rest in the Premier League, with roughly 30, well, according to like the day, you know, there's like the daily men, the athletic and things like that, it's saying 30 million pound deal over three years, so that's, I mean, that's 10 million a year, so it's somewhere in that region, but that is a big improvement, that's all we can look at, isn't it?  FFPUC? They went to warrior, and then into a new balance, and then they've worked away now, didn't they, and obviously success has dictated how bad their deals have gone. But you have to move up that, don't you? Because it's not going down. We've got umbrow, and then home alone, we'll have like a third of what umbrow give us, so you can be our kids. It's about climbing the stairs, isn't it? And also, I mean, people have had new balance, and they've been looked after.  When we were at the Cocksport Eve, the kids were great, some of them were a bit but most of them were great, and it's because there was a lot more communication between Everton, a lot more in-house designs getting put forward. A lot more care. A lot more care, and the kids were great, like that blue one would like to call it, and we had the cream one, the third kiddie before, which was grossly underused, it was such a nice kid. When we scored Chelsea, with the pole out, grossly underused that chip, but the next season's home one was almost the same as it had. I remember the blue one, I think it was Kyle's last kid, and it had the golden shape, gorgeous kid. And that's all I hope we get from them, you know what I mean? It's that kid that reflects our history. At the end of the day, it's a football kit. It's really for kids, isn't it? Let's be honest.  And if they've got nice gear as well, then that's what a lot of Evitonians wear. A lot of Evitonians, I would say, thinking of like them, thinking of those Halcyon days when we showed them that, will wear the training gear more so than a massive training gear guy.  Yeah, it's I'm saying I'm a massive training gear guy. Whether it's a long, you know, whether it's the long stuff or just the training top, and even in the summer, you see a lot of training kits, more so than kits.  We all like something new, don't we?  Then they will take the time and they will give us better quality and you hope that. What you want to do is by the end of this, because this deal ends when we move into Bramley Mordoch, hopefully that's when it, that should be the summer that it ends. You want to be in a position where you're happy with what they've done, but you've got another couple of people knocking on the door going to tell you what, new stadium, new sponsors going to be everywhere. But if Hummel have treated you well and can match what other people are watching, then that's how you build that relationship, you know. You've got to do well on the pitch, of course, you know, but it'll be interesting to see what they come up with. I think for Evertonians, the stuff's got to be good. We're not a fan base that just goes out and buys stuff. It's got to mean go gear, so that's good. One thing I would say as well, I've seen it mentioned online, I've seen it mentioned from Hummel. Hummel's first sort of foray into England was Allen Ball, wearing white boots, classic. We all, we all, we don't know. We've actually got, we've got a picture on the wall there of it.  And it's the 50th anniversary of that. So it's a good sign. And I really hope, I really hope they go with that, like whether it be a retro shirt of that year, with it being, you know, 50 years since we won the league with the whole eternity. And also maybe some kind of smart time with the white boots.  But that could be a line to explore and exploit.  So I hope that's something they look at. I think there'll be a little pair of white boots on the back of the Everton kit or something. Maybe, I don't know about the kit. They did, but how about just like a little, just a little, a little range. T-shirt with just a pair of white boots. A little range of the white, to celebrate Allen Ball and the white boots. That kit will build that top. Well, you know, you could do the 1970s. You could have that kit with a, with a, like, almost like that, where it's black on black with a blue on blue homo. So you can't actually say it's that kit. Not as the main kit. Just as a moment like it. And a lot of people out there would, I think, would get involved in that massively. So maybe that's something that you can, I'm sure. It's good, but obviously we're going to finish the season in Umbro. We're going to finish the season with Sport Pays. Because we're contractually obliged to do that. For some other clubs, that's more of an issue. Our neighbours is more of an issue because obviously they're moving to Nike, aren't they? And all that. For us though, it's just about finishing those games. But I think it'd be good and I think obviously, I mean, people will, people I think will need to see the home kit like very soon to kind of like go. Yeah, that's good. That's cool. And in my mind, we've seen some people do great mock-ups on the on Twitter and stuff. They look really good. And some of them have been really smart.  But the Chevron's white on the blue, I think makes the kit stand out. I mean, Rangers, they've been used by them this year. It's okay. It's all right. It's something new, isn't it? And the good thing to take away from it is that it's a better deal than the last one. And that is how we have to start viewing it. You know, we need to make sure that this club is moving forward. We change, we give people new titles and we give it, you know, double that of executive salary and all that. Well, let's see them actually doing the work for that money and making sure we're going upwards where we want to be going. Yeah. So there you go. There you go. The next one today, a three-year deal, no closures. No break-closes. Three years, around 30 million, around 30 million for the three years. I'm excited to see what they come up with. Be something new, a change. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. Are you bothered? Is it the money that makes the difference? Are you looking forward to it? Or, you know, would you rather have stayed with Umbro or whatever? Some people won't care, will they? No, no. That's what I'm saying. Financially, it's the import. That's the top line. That's the top line. Again, for the 70s, 50 years. We always should have a yellow. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. Don't forget to give this video a like, subscribe if you haven't already. And if you want more great videos, join us over on Patreon. The link is in the description. See you later. Thank you.


Suspends, says the man in black, here again to introduce Columbia's program. Suspends. Tonight in one of her rare radio appearances, we bring you one of Hollywood's most idolized personalities, Mr. Laura's Costello. With such noteworthy and distinguished players as Mr. Martin Coslick, Mr. George Zuko, and Mr. Ian Wolff, Ms. Costello appears in a story of today, played against the background of the new order in Europe. The story of an oppressed people who use strange and effective methods in dealing with their oppressors and with traitors. The story tonight is called The King's Birthday and was written by Corporal Louis Pelletier, A.U.S. and with the performances of the Laura's Costello as the Danish Countess Elsa of Martin Coslick as the Nazi go-liter. Rightman of George Zuko is Dr. Erickson and of Ian Wolff as old Peter of Cronwald Castle. We again hope to keep you in suspense. They come to the castle almost every day now, the Gestapo, trying to question me.  Somehow I don't give the right answer. Perhaps it's my advanced age, when they question me about the night of the King's Birthday. I get confused. I ramble on in the fashion of old people. Gentlemen, Cronwald Castle is 300 years old. For all those years, Cronwald has been a symbol of Danish liberty. Gentlemen, the sea waves beat against the rocks of Cronwald. The sea is deep. The sea knows everything. Ask her.  Ask him my question. Did you know about those notes? But of course, Herr Lieutenant. Everybody in the district knows about them. The note said Count Victor would kill himself on the night of the King's Birthday. Did you see the notes? Oh, no, Herr Lieutenant.  That I do know. And the note said the exact time, 12 midnight. So, so you know the exact time. Yes, yes, I'm fond of clocks, you see. My father had a clock that told the time with a bird jumping out. The bird whistle, like this. Stop babbling, Saint Charming. Yes, Herr Lieutenant. I'll take care of you later. Perhaps I'll have something that will improve your memory.  Yes, Herr Lieutenant. There's nothing to matter with my memory. I could tell them a thing or two if I wanted. I could tell them how it all happened. It began two days before the King's Birthday. That was the day the new Nazi Gauleiter Herr Reichmann came to the castle to see the Countess Elsa. I was told to show him to the library. It was cold and gray, and the sea was pounding on the rocks. Very angry, like it always is in November. The new Gauleiter sat by the fireplace and warmed his hands and called for a glass of brandy. And bring some soda too, please. Yes, Herr Reichmann. How soon did your mistress say she would see me? In a few minutes, Herr Reichmann. You told her it was most urgent. Yes, yes, I told her. She'll be with you soon. I doubt it. Most women's idea of soon is the best part of an hour. In my country, we train our women too. The brandy, Herr Reichmann. Yes, in Germany we... Mm, Courvoisier. Ready to get brandy like this. Count Victor can get many things that are forbidden to his countrymen, Herr Reichmann. Count Victor's cellar is well stocked. Is it really? Yes. We have meat at the castle. Nobody in Denmark has meat. Only Cronwald Castle. You're lucky. So they say. Shall I leave the brandy, sir? Yes. But you stay here a minute. Tell me, what's your name? Peter, sir. Ah, yes, Peter. You've been at Cronwald since you were a child. Sixty-three years. Am I correct? Why, why yes. How did you... It's my business to know a lot of things, Peter. You don't approve of Count Victor, do you? It's not my place, sir, to... Three days ago in the marketplace, you were heard to make an indiscreet remark concerning Count Victor's collaboration with Berlin. I think a word very close to traitor was used. Was it, sir? What do you think? I think, Herr Reichmann, the fire is in need of some more wood. If you'll excuse me, I'll get some. True, by all means. And Peter. Yes, sir? Tell your mistress that I do not intend to spend all afternoon here. My business is urgent and I... You may tell me Countess yourself, sir. Herr Reichmann. Countess Elsa, excuse me, I was just saying... Yes, quite all right here, Reichmann. Sit down, please. Thank you. Peter told me your business was urgent. I hope I haven't kept you. No, not at all. My business is urgent. But as a new garlighter of this district, I might combine social pleasure with business and... Oh, that's very kind of you. I had hoped that my wife, Frau Reichmann... Of course. You must ask her to call sometimes. Yes, I will. Although I've never had the pleasure of meeting Count Victor, it would be a great honor if we may call as soon as he returns from Berlin. You certainly, Herr Reichmann. Thank you. And this urgent business? Yes, we come to that. Do you mind if I smoke? Not at all. A good cigar always makes unpleasant things easier to tell. It sounds almost as if you had rehearsed that line on the way to the castle here, Reichmann. I did. And since it was ineffective, I'll be blunt, Countess. I'd prefer it. Three days ago, Countess, to be exact, on the day I arrived at Kronwald to begin my duties as garlighter of this district, I found this note on my desk. Read it, please. Count Victor of Kronwald will kill himself on the night of the king's birthday. That note was on my desk in the morning. At noon, I found this one. Read it, please. Count Victor of Kronwald will repudiate his Nazi collaborators. He will choose the night of the king's birthday for his death. I thought at first it was some crank, but the notes kept coming. Then I heard that everybody in the district believed what the note said. In every house and shop and farm, they are saying that Count Victor is going to kill himself. You'll see why I said my business was urgent. Yes, yes, I see. It's not that I have the slightest fear for the Count's safety, but the writer of these notes must be found and treated with severest penalties. You have no fear for my husband's safety? Of course not. Certainly no anonymous letter writer could force a Count to take his own life. I wonder... What do you mean? You wish me to be frank with you? Naturally. You know that my husband is hated by the whole countryside? What of it?  Perhaps.  You think so? If you knew Danish history here, Reichman, you might agree. For hundreds of years, the night of the king's birthday has been a special occasion at Kronwald. On that night, the castle renews its pledge of loyalty to the king into Denmark's freedom. A very theatrical gesture. Quite. But if anyone wished to remind Count Victor... If someone wished to remind the Count that he had chosen our glorious Fuhrer for his leader. Yes. The night of the king's birthday would be, shall we say, the psychologically correct time to do it. You reason well, Countess. I know my countrymen. Evidently. I am their imagination. If Count Victor would take his own life as a public repudiation of his present political bonds, the whole country would be stirred to its depths. I see. You seem to view the possibility of your husband's death rather calmly, Countess. Like you, Herr Reichman. I have no fear for his safety. I am only presenting the political possibilities. Quite so. And since you grasp the full significance of the notes, you understand that I must take certain liberties in order to track down the writer. Liberties? Yes. I shall ask your permission to talk with Dr. Ericsson. Oh, Dr. Ericsson? I'm told he lives here at the castle. Yes, but... I should like to talk with Dr. Ericsson. As you wish. Peter will show you to the doctor's study. However, I assure you... My time is short, Countess. I understand that Dr. Ericsson is one of your country's able psychiatrists. The president of the Ericsson is an authority on mass suggestion. His health should be invaluable. Dr. Ericsson? Yes, Peter. Show the gentleman in. Sit down, Herr Reichman. Don't be alarmed about these mice. I'll remove them just as soon as Herman here gets through the maze. Watch him. He's really quite clever. I've been trying him on liver extract. Ah, he made it. Good night, Herman. Now... off to bed. I've been expecting you, Herr Reichman. Please, sit down. Thank you. You come to see me about the notes, am I right? Yes, you're right, Doctor. When I first heard about them, I said to myself, then you go light of a moment, my theory concerning the type of mind which would be prompted to write such notes. I'll tell you my theory, Herr Reichman. I don't want your theory, Doctor. I have no questions. Oh, so it's like that. And perhaps you want a sample of my handwriting, too. I am not a fool, Doctor. That's very possible. How long have you been treating Count Victor for a certain nervous disorder? Five years. What would you say is his condition now? You've never met Count Victor, have you, Herr Reichman? No. When you talk with him, you'll see no output sign of his maladies. Manifests of only during periods of despondency. I'm happy to say that these periods have been infrequent. Count Victor depends a good deal on you, doesn't he, Doctor? Perhaps I've almost cured him. In return, he's given me this laboratory and money for my experiments. But you do have a great deal of influence on his mental processes. Yes, Herr Reichman. I do. In fact, if I decided to, shall we say, liquidate Count Victor, I would have written the notes exactly as the people say they are written. Like all nervous people, Count would be highly susceptible to such mental attack. That's what you wanted me to say, isn't it? Yes. We know then where we stand. Almost. One thing more I'll ask you, Doctor. Count Victor had a brother who left Kronberg when Denmark was occupied by our troops. That brother, Christian, is now known to be working with the Danish underground. Formerly, he was one of your students at the university. Is that right? Christian was one of my most brilliant students. Do you know where he is now? No, I don't. And neither does your guest starper. That's the only thing we share in common.  I find it the best form of deception. Do you think it wise to try to deceive the lawful government of your country? Lawful government? You have a quaint sense of humor, Herr Reichman. You may not find it so quaint if Count Victor ever removes his protection from you. He won't. When you've informed him of his impending suicide, you'll see he'll need me more than ever. You do intend to show the notes to the Count, don't you? Yes. I will present myself to his excellency tonight on his return from Berlin. His reactions to the notes will be most interesting. Would it inconvenience you if I would be present on the occasion? Oh, not at all, Doctor. I'd be delighted. Your own reactions should be most interesting, too. Dad? That's what the people think, eh? They think they can tell me with words? They can't do that to me, can they, Doctor? Easy, Count Victor. Easy. Take this childish note. Count Victor will kill himself on the night of the king's birthday. Because of his great shame here, I'll great shame them, all right? They'll see that... Doctor, a little of the brandy, please. Yes, of course, Count Victor.  Who's upset? The whole thing is completely nonsensical, completely. Of course it is. Ask Herr Reichman. His police have practically caught the writer of the notes. Haven't they, Herr Reichman? Yes, Count Victor. Doctor, tonight, if I need a sedative... Certainly, Count Victor. I'll show them. I'll give them a dinner here on the night of the king's birthday. Everyone will hear about it. They'll see who's afraid. I'll give a dinner. Herr Reichman, will you be my guest at dinner? With pleasure, Count Victor. I'll light up this whole castle like a Christmas tree. And also, you'll wear that gown you wore at the palace in your jewels.  You'll wear all your jewels. Yes, Victor. Kill me with words, eh? If it's words thereafter, I'll give them words. Then I'll make a statement to your newspapers on the night of the king's birthday. I'll stuff words down the people's throat. Yes. And there's someone in particular who'll read what I have to say. My brother, Christian. I want him especially to read it. Herr Reichman. Have you ever seen my brother? No, Count Victor. His picture was in that empty frame up there next to mine. I destroyed his picture. Victor, you're getting excited. Dr. Erickson. Yes, you're right, Elsa. The end of my work is too much. Dr. Erickson, you'll... you'll talk to me for a while before I go to bed, won't you? Of course. Talk to you, Count Victor? Yes, the doctor has a way of calming my nerves. It's slightly hypnotic, isn't it, doctor? You might call it that, Count Victor. Count Victor, I'd strongly advise... No, no, it's the only thing that helps me. I just go quietly to sleep while the doctor talks. But, Count Victor... Good night, Herr Reichman. I'll expect you here for dinner on the night of the king's birthday. Good night, Count Victor. Elsa? Yes, Victor? They can't hurt me with words, can they? No, Victor. They can't hurt me if I don't listen, can they?  That's it.  I won't listen. I won't listen. I won't listen. I won't listen. I won't listen. Where did you find it this time? I... I... I hesitated to... Speak up! Speak up! I found it, Herr Gauleiter, in the pocket of my own tunic when I was about to go on duty. Never mind the details. I found one of them under my pillow this morning. Count Victor called me and said there was one delivered with this morning paper. The farmer came in here at eight o'clock. He found one near to his door. Right on the desk out to stop. Yes, Herr Gauleiter. You can't really lie often enough everybody believes it. That's true, Herr Gauleiter. Is it? Well, as the Gauleiter says...  Who know, Herr Gauleiter? Rather do I. But the Countess was right about one thing. If he did kill himself after all these notes, the effect on the people would be electrifying. But you just said that... I am talking about effects, Lieutenant. From what I have seen of the Count, he is too much of a coward to take his own life. He made it look like suicide. Yes. Yes, it could be done. But how? How? I don't know. There will be four of us at dinner. I have ordered 50 guards to patrol the grounds. Four guards will be stationed in the dining room while we eat. No one can get near the Count. It's impossible to kill him. But in this strange country, you can't even trust the impossible. They say the castle is guarded tonight. 50 soldiers. They say the Count locked himself in his room all day writing a message to the people they say. They say the Gauleiter has five Gestapo men at the castle besides the soldiers. One Gestapo man is watching the food for poison. Wait a minute, you. Taste that wine before you bring it into the dining room. What did you say, sir? I said taste that wine. Oh, taste it. Why, of course. It's very good, sir. Did you doubt its quality? Don't be insolent. All right. Let me take it in. Sir. And if there's any left after their through. Oh, I'll take care of you, sir. Ah, more wine. Good boy, Peter. Set it right here. We'll drink another toast to the king. Oh, Victor, I think we've drunk enough. Oh, nonsense. This is the king's birthday dinner. We've got to drink to the king. Oh, Peter. Yes, sir? Did they make you taste that wine before you brought it in? Yes, doctor, they did. What's this? What's this about tasting wine? A simple precaution of mine, Count Victor. I hope you don't mind. No, no, I don't mind, but you don't think that... Now, Victor, don't get upset. Oh, else if the lovers hadn't stopped repeating that inane phrase. I've been saying that all through dinner. I'm not upset, not upset. I just want to know what's going on. What have I got to be upset about? I, uh... You're more nervous than I am. I can understand the Countess's feeling if this is the first dinner I've ever had with four soldiers observing my digestive processes.  I must insist, doctor, that the soldiers remain. Well, at least ask them to sit down. The fritter. Yes, Herr Gauleiter. Your men may be seated. Thank you, Herr Gauleiter. Yes, sir. And Peter? Peter, go get some wine for the soldiers. Yes, sir. Yes. Everyone will have more wine, Peter. We're going to toast the king. They... What time is it, doctor? Five minutes to 12, Count Victor. Mm-hmm. I'm still alive. Peter, it's five minutes to 12, and I'm still alive. Go get the wine, Peter. Yes, sir. You know... You know, Peter... Peter tells me everything they say down at the village. The people say I have five minutes to live. So Peter tells you the village gossip? Oh, yes. He knows everything. It was Peter who discovered most of the notes and brought them to me. He brought you the note? Oh, yes, and the last one said the... the... Well, what did it say? Victor, can't we talk about something else? Why? Ask the doctor. He and I discuss it for hours. Well, the doctor told me about some sect over in the West Indies that disposes of an enemy by simply writing the victim's name on a piece of paper and sending it to him. Same sort of nonsense being tried on me. Isn't that your theory, doctor? Well, I... Doctor Erickson, in view of the Count's nervous condition, don't you think... Then you work for the Reich, Count Victor. You have no private life. Doctor Erickson, in view of the Count's nervous disorder... As the Count's personal physician, I prescribe my own remedies. To know the truth about occult practices is the best way to guard against them. Surely you don't think that... In highity, Herr Reichmann, I saw a man die after receiving a note with his name on it. I don't explain it, I tell you a fact. You see? It's possible. It's a fact. Well, that could be murdered with pen and ink. It could be done in exactly three minutes of my watches, right? Yes. Three minutes to live. Where's Peter with that wine? Victor, if you will excuse me, I have a headache. You stay here, Elsa. No one leaves this room till midnight.  Yes, sir. Lock the door. Hold all the windows. Yes, sir. Yes, that's right. Hold everything. They won't come in here after me. Victor, you're being absurd. I ask you... to comply with Count Victor's wishes. Humor me, my dear. Humor me. You'd never forgive yourself if you treated me unkindly during the last two minutes of my life. Especially since you wished me dead so many times. Victor. It's the truth, isn't it? Count Victor. Two minutes to live, doctor. This is a good time to hear Elsa's confession. I may say a word. You may not. Elsa, it's the truth, isn't it? Isn't it? Yes, Victor. It's the truth. What you were did.       No, no, let her finish her gold, Elsa. Go on, Elsa. I despise you as a man.  Even before the Nazis came, you were planning to sell us out. All that Cronvold has fought for down through the years. The Dane should be a proud and free people.  I wish you were dead, Victor. I wish your soul were rotting in the grave that's waiting for all these mad men of Europe. Doctor. Listen. Five o'clock. May God grant wisdom to our king and freedom to our people. May Cronvold always keep the faith. Who turned out the lights? Who turned out the lights? Gefreiter. I hear a door opening. No, Herr Gauleiter. My hand is under door. It is not moving. Yes? I hear you. Who is speaking? Victor, this is your time. Are you ready? I am ready.  What your name will live on. Victor, don't do it, Victor. Goodbye, Arthur. Victor! They say the body was washed out to sea, but yesterday on the rocks they found the Count's wristwatch and a handkerchief with an initial V on it. They'll never follow the body. Say what you will. Count Victor was a brave man to take his own life. Yes, he showed those Nazis that the King could die for honor.  They say someone forced the Count to kill himself. How could you force a man? That's what the Nazis say. And listen, they've arrested old Peter. They're trying to make old Peter talk. Peter won't talk, but if he did, I bet he could tell them a thing or two. Yes, I could tell them a thing or two. I could tell them why they'll never find Count Victor's body. You know why? Because Count Victor didn't jump out of the window. How could he? Count Victor was dead six days before the King's birthday. No, I didn't kill him. He was shot through the head by his own brother, Christian. The night he came home unexpectedly from Berlin, six days before the King's birthday. Yes, I worked with the Underground and so did the Countess and Dr. Erickson. That's why Christian came here to see us. When the Count returned unexpectedly, Christian decided to try to reason with him. They quarreled and, well, Christian eliminated the slimmiest traitor then Mark has ever known. It was then that Dr. Erickson got the idea for the notes. Christian, we've got to try it. This new gulleter has never seen Count Victor. You'll pose as the Count and we'll stage your suicide. The moral effect on the people will be tremendous. Christian agreed and we started sending the notes. The rest was easy. We all played our parts and Dr. Erickson coached us on the exact thing to do at 12 midnight. At the last book of 12, Peter will turn out the lights from downstairs. You've got that, Peter? Yes, Doctor. Then what do you do? I go through the passageway that leads to the hidden door in the dining room fireplace. I open the door and call out, Count Victor, this is your time. Are you ready? And you, Christian? I say, I am ready. I call out, don't do it, Victor. Don't do it. Then I break one of the windows. And you, Christian? I go through the fireplace door and disappear. Yes. And Count Victor of Cronvalve has died for his country. Well, that's how it was done. We planned it well even to put in Count Victor's wristwatch and handkerchief on the rock where the Nazis would find them. And suddenly the garliter will question me some more. But soon, soon there will be a note on his desk and I can hear him saying, Lieutenant, Lieutenant, how did this note get on my desk? A note? I don't know, Herr Garliter. What does it say? It says, remember the night of the king's birthday. Your turn is next, Herr Garliter. Your turn is next. And so closes the king's birthday starring Dolores Castello with Martin Coslett, George Zuko, and Ian Wolf. Tonight's tale of Suspens. The producer of these broadcasts, William Spear, who with Ted Bliss director, Lud Gluskin and Lucian Marowak conductor and composer, and Corporal Louis Palatier, radio author, collaborated on tonight's Suspens.  Suspens will be heard at a new time, Thursdays at 10.30 Eastern wartime and 7.30 Pacific wartime. Perhaps you will want to note this down. The new time for suspense will be Thursdays beginning next Thursday at 10.30 Eastern wartime and 7.30 Pacific wartime. Our play next Thursday will be The Singing Walls based on a story by Cornell Woolbridge. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.


The NDVI 3G time series is an improved 8 km normalized difference vegetation index, NDVI, data set produced from advanced very high-resolution radiometer, AVHRR, instruments that extends from 1981 to the present. It is comprised of data from two different sensors, the AVHRR-2 instrument that spans July 1981 to November 2000 and the AVHRR-3 instrument that continues these measurements from November 2000 to the present. To overcome among instrument AVHRR calibration difficulties, we used Bayesian methods with high-quality well-calibrated CWIFS NDVI data for deriving AVHRR NDVI calibration parameters. Our resulting NDVI values have an error of plus or minus 0.005 NDVI units for our 1981 to present data set, which is independent of time within our AVHRR NDVI continuum and has resulted in a non-stationary climate data set. This article was authored by Jorge Ipenzone and Compton J. Tucker. We are article.tv, links in the description below.


What if I told you that you could take a piece of real-life street art and animate it in your videos? That's exactly what art lists are doing with profound London-based street artist Luke Smile. Together, they're teaming up to create an After Effects template from murals that Luke is going to be painting in London. For me, street art was one of the first ever creative outlets that I ever had before trying my hand and becoming a filmmaker. So to blend that physical world of the paint on the wall with the digital world in video animation has to be one of the most creative overlaps that I've ever witnessed. Let's get into London and let's meet Luke. I'm Luke Smile. I have worked with brands like Karl Lagerfeld, Amazon, PayPal, Artlist. Let me think of all of them and I'll start getting there. I saw this wall growing up for many years and I always see it when I go into shoreditch and like other artists that I know would always love to paint this wall. It's a wall that's had some like incredible murals on in the past. It's got so much history. It's so iconic. This is such an iconic spot. You've literally got like a village underground, the nightclub just there. Kendall Jenner right next door. In here? In here, back in the day, man. How'd you know? London, boy, you're there. I remember going into shoreditch when I was a teenager and I remember seeing like massive, massive murals and the street art just like standing there mesmerised. So it's like, it's a pinch yourself moment to be painting that wall. I just kept seeing it everywhere. So it felt like it was like kind of meant to be. The wall is starting to take shape. It's quite interesting how long this process takes, but it's very, very satisfying to watch, especially when them lines are starting to take shape. So yeah, this is banging. It was never my ambition to become a street artist and do this full time, like my hobby. Smile Sands was the first font that I created. When I should have been doing work, I started like work on this tight face. I was just playing around, but I got a really cool job opportunity with Karl Lagerfeld.  And I ate it up. I was like, yes, of course. From that moment, I felt like I could, this is a career and I can do this. And yeah, I haven't looked back since. Essentially, Luke's going to make three separate pieces of graffiti that are then going to be turned into an After Effects template that creators can download from the Artlist catalog, which is going to be absolutely mad for creators like me and you to download and use an artist's piece of work. That's super cool and super creative, and I can't wait to see what people do with it. It's not warming up, is it? No, it ain't warming up, mate. It's not warming this can.  Wearing a glove like this, I can't get the feeling that I'm doing it, so I can't wear one of them, all right. Have they sent you anything from the other day yet? I've just got tagged in a reel on Instagram. Well, it looks so good. Yeah, to see the work come alive, I was super excited, like seeing the videos that Artlist put up yesterday. I was, yeah, took my breath away because I've never seen my letters move that much and in such a cool way, and every, like, the reaction has been, like, incredible so far, so, yeah, so cool. Right, so, Luke is on his third and final mural. I honestly don't know how he's still going.  Yeah, my earliest memories of going to walls that started to paint, yeah, it was, it was such an adventure, like, you might have to crawl under a bridge to get there, get your feet wet in a river, and they were the best times, because you were young and you were just out there experimenting, yeah, using spray paint for the first time was, oh, it was the best feeling. How you feeling then? Happy? Brilliant, yeah. So happy, it's a finish. My style can take quite a long time to get right. It probably looks okay to other people at, like, a halfway through, but I always spend, like, a long time at the end making sure all the angles are right. I can't sleep at night if I go home and it's a bit off.  Yeah, make sure it's exactly how I want it. I feel absolutely blessed to be part of this campaign with Artlist. When I started out, I could never imagine of doing anything like this. This font, particular Smile Sands, it means so much to me. It's like my baby, like, I made it and it's been with me all this time and it's what's got me to this level as an artist. If I saw that Smile Sands was used by another creative and it kicked-started their career, I'd be super proud because it shouldn't just be for me to use. It should be shared. After spending three days with Luke and exploring that format of creativity that ignited my own passion for being creative and then obviously picking up a camera and doing what I do today and to see Luke's artwork that's on the wall come to life in the edit, I've never been so proud to see a project like this come to life. It's so inspiring to see what can happen when someone actually follows and pursues their passion against all odds. I think that's something that every creative out there, no matter what format or what medium that they're in, can really feel and understand. So head over to Artlist to download Luke's template and watch your titles come to life.


Hello, and welcome back to The Craft Box. My name is RuneZ, we're on episode 20 of The RuneScape playthrough sort of thing that I'm doing here. So yeah, I'll be back in just a sec with the first clip. Okay, I'm just about to hit level 50 mining in now. Not yet. 50 mining now. Sweet. Perfect. So that is 50 mining there, which is good. So I'll be back in the next clip. Okay, I'm back. We are doing some agility again, and I'm about to reach level 50 agility, which is great. Hopefully at the end of this bridge. Nope. Very soon though. Yeah, after this I'll be level 50 agility, which is great. So yeah, there we go. Sweet. Okay, so I'll be back with the next accomplishment. Okey dokey, I'm just about to hit level 50 smithing. So that's cool. There we go. Perfect. So I'll be back with the next piece of thingy move that I'm doing. Hey, just got some magic and teleport a fellow. Magic and range levels from the circus, which is great. So yeah, I'll be back in the next clip. Okey dokey, just turning in my divination challenge, and we've gone up to level 23 divination. Sweet. Okey dokey, I am just offering this chronicle that we got. And sweet. Wasn't too much XP, but we are now level 25 divination, which is absolutely amazing. So yeah, I'll be back in the next clip. Okey dokey, just finished off a dungeon for today in level 28 Dungeon Nearing, which is great. And that also gives me a brand new challenge completed. So we are going to do that now. Let's climb up the exit. We've also got a prayer level while doing that as well. Yes. So yeah, that's cool. So now we're level 46 prayer and 28 dungeon nearing. We will see if we get another one. For fuck's sake, you can't teleport out of here. Of course you can't. Why would you be able to, you know? Like, what the hell? Okey. So yeah, let us head back over to Berthorpe. And now... Yep. There we go. Sweet. Two dungeon nearing levels and now we are level 30, which is absolutely amazing. So yeah, that's good. I'll be back in the next clip. Okey, I'm just about to get level 45, which is great. So yeah, that is probably enough feeding for a while for me. So yeah, I'll be back in just a sec. Okay, just finished the fight arena quest, which is cool. Went up to attack level 51, which is great. So yeah, I'll be back in the next clip. Okey dokey. I am just about to finish Elemental Workshop. One. There we go. Perfect. Yay. Sweet. Oh yeah, crafting guild access, that's good. So level 40 crafting, that's amazing. So yeah, I'll be back in the next clip. Okey dokey. Just about to finish Elemental Workshop. Two. Sweet. Perfect. 41 crafting, that's great. Can now do Elemental Workshop number four, not quite, but okay. So yeah, I'll be back in the next clip. Thank you for watching. Remember to leave a like and subscribe. And if you've already subscribed, press the bell so you know exactly when the next episode comes. And remember, craft outside the box.


Welcome back. I'm Rivka. I'm Shalma Slackin. And welcome to the Marriage Restoration Project channel. Today we're going to talk to you about a topic that a lot of people want to know about, and that is, is therapy working for you? Is your therapist actually helping you? Are they making things worse? Here are five ways to know. Before we dive into the meat, please click on the like and subscribe button so you get notified of the next video that we drop. It's going to be also on a very important topic that affects all relationships. So thank you and please comment below about anything we speak about that you have questions about or want to know more about or maybe doesn't make sense to you and you need some clarification. So let's dive in Shalma. You are the marriage counselor. Tell us, how can people know if their therapist, their marriage counselor, is actually helping them or making things worse? Well, obviously, if things are getting better, then you know it's helping. If things are getting worse, then it's worth looking into. But I would say we're going to share some things. So number one, I would say, are they replicating, are you replicating in the therapy session, your interaction at home? Do you mean like when you go to typically what people think of marriage counseling, if they've never been, where you go, you sit, and you basically start complaining about your spouse and then you end up screaming at each other and the therapist is basically just sitting there. So it's, is that what you're talking about? Yes. It's pretty much the same thing at home. Right. So if you're doing the same thing at home as you're doing it in the therapy office, you're going to get the same results. And that's, you know, pretty lousy, the same results that made you come to therapy in the first place. So the therapy office has to be structured differently. The first thing that I tell couples when I do a two-day private retreat with them is that before everything, the most important thing over all of the issues that you have is safety. If you don't have safety, you can't interact. So I'm creating an environment with emotional safety where, and what we do is we have the couple facing each other. This, they're not talking to me about each other. They're talking to each other, facilitating their relationship. They're not talking about each other. They're not yelling. We don't allow them to yell and scream, shame and blame, all of these things that are the normal interaction that's brought you to therapy, we don't allow it in there. And what that does is creates a different environment so that your therapy is going to be much more productive. So if you're just going into therapy and screaming and yelling and doing the same things you do at home, they might want to think twice. Yeah. That sounds like a no brainer, even though I think it's actually genius because I remember when my parents went as a child, I remember them coming back very angry and pretty much yelling and screaming at each other the same way they did at home in the therapist's office. So it almost seems like the therapist needs to set some ground rules. Is that what you would call that? Ground rules and I mean, we have a very structured process in a muggle. I can't speak for other modalities, but you have to have some type of training. I just remember in grad school, thinking about what are you supposed to do? Like I had a family come in and like, I don't even know that all these people in here, I can talk to one person, they have two people, three people. I mean, how do I make sure that everything works? So you have to have some type of process, some type of order to otherwise it's going to be chaos. And that's why a lot of individual therapists don't like working with couples because since they're not trained and working with couples, they, you know, it could be like a free for all. It's a free for all. For sure. It's very hard to contain. Yeah. And they're, and you shouldn't be the one telling your therapist what to do. The therapist needs to be the one to create the safe space for you. You're going to them for help. They need to be the one to take charge and to realize that this is an important thing for you. And if they don't, then, you know, when I kind of want to fire the therapist, but it's just, we need, we want you to know how to know if it's working for you because a lot of people have that question. So number one is there needs to be ground rules that are established or a safe environment established where you're not just repeating the same fights you're having at home, the same dynamic because insanity is what, what's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and just get accepting, expecting different results. Great. Okay. Number two, how can they know? Number two is are you going to your therapist and you leave your therapist with new doubts about your partner questioning the relationship? Now this can happen in the context of if couples therapy can be in the context of individual therapy. Some couples therapy see the individual separately. We don't do that. That's, we could say that in another video maybe, but why we don't see spouses. We only see them together for couples work. But sometimes, you know, I've had therapists, colleagues tell me, you know, sometimes I just don't know, like maybe this relationship was just like, they're done or like they're not really best suited for each other anymore. Like the therapist is God and can make that decision. So ultimately, you know, the couple, you're coming for therapy, you want to make your marriage better. You're not coming to the therapist to tell you or give you an insinuate why you should leave the relationship, why you should have a trial separation. You can watch our video on trial separation, why you should get divorced or any of these things. You want someone who's going to help encourage your relationship and help you do the work needed to make it better. So if you're walking away with doubts, feeling worse about it, coming home, anger at your spouse. My therapist said such and such, you know, we have lots of stories about that. Before we did couples therapy together, I used to see an individual therapist and every time I'd come back from a session, I'd come home angry at Shlomo, why didn't you ever think of doing this? And how come you don't do that? And it was because the therapist would raise some questions about what Shlomo was or was not doing. And then would it start, I would start getting really super confused about, oh, and I come home and, and then we finally realized if you're coming home feeling worse about anything, that's probably a sign that it's not helping. Yeah. And I actually went to her one time and I came home and she was saying, well, you know, Rivka, you know, what's wrong with her? She needs to work. And it was like, it's funny. I've heard stories of therapists like they'll tell one spouse, you know, your spouse says this personality disorder, but they didn't tell the spouse. And then they tell the other spouse. So they both called me separately. They tell me that, yeah, they were both diagnosed with something. And like they were told that their spouse is the problem, but, but neither one knows that the therapist also said the same thing about them. So that's a huge red flag. So number two is if you're coming home feeling worse and you have some doubts or you're just kind of questioning your whole existence, red flag, red flag. Number three is taking sides. If you're coming for couples therapy, you want a therapist who's going to be a therapist for the couple, for the relationship.  And if they start taking sides and they start, you know, saying, well, you know, you're the problem and, you know, the other reason why you have problems in the relationship or you're the one who needs to get fixed. Or he is the one that need to get fixed or she's the one that needs to get fixed. No, that's a, that's a, that's a red flag because I mean, yes, there are people who do pretty bad things. And on the surface for sure, it looks much worse, but at the same time, you're coming as a couple. And to number one, to imply that one person is only the problem is, it's not really reality because it's the relationship dynamic, which, which causes the problem. Meaning the dance, meaning I trigger you, you react a certain way, you trigger me, and back and forth, right? Right. It's what I'm doing. It doesn't mean that like, you know, if somebody is like, has an alcohol addiction, it doesn't mean that, you know, they don't need to get help for that. And then it's a problem for the relationship, but it's not the sole problem in the relationship. There's usually something else going on in the relationship as well. And we're here to deal with that. And if you're alarmed and you're thinking, what about abusers? We'll do another video on emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse. So we're not talking about dangerous situations where you're under threat of your physical safety being. We're talking about regular run-of-the-mill things.  So, you know, if you accept being controlling your marriage, it would be better. You have to look at what are you both doing? Yes, everyone needs to take responsibility, but both people can take responsibility for what they're doing to contribute to the situation. And it's really important. Yes, you need to speak out on something. You know, if something is, if someone's like yelling and screaming or calling names, the therapist needs to say, you know, that's not appropriate. It's not, it doesn't create a safe environment. They need to really set boundaries and lay down the law. At the same time, you don't want to have a situation where it's, where it's like two against one, because you'll never get the other person on board. They will not be fully on board to actually participate and do their best to help, to even change. So it's counterproductive. That's number three. So if your therapist is taking sides and identifying one of you as the person that needs to change, that's a red flag to know that this is not going to be helpful for your relationship in the long run. Number four. So this is, you know, you might think this isn't such a bad thing, but a lot of times therapists like to give advice or kind of just troubleshoot and problem solve the situation. And you might find that really helpful because you have some issues that need to be problem solved. But ultimately, if you're not, if you're just problem solving issues and you're not dealing with, you're putting a bandaid on it, you're not really dealing with the underlying issues. So do you mean like if you want to know what to do with the kids or you disagree about what school to send them to or whatever, do you not want the therapist to give you their feedback about that or tell you what to do or how to make those decisions? Well, not that you don't want that, but you want the therapist to help you be able to have that conversation and also help you explore the issue because what happens on the surface level and what's really going on are two different things. So on the surface level, you could be at odds with your spouse. Both of you have different opinions and, you know, you're not really sure what to do and you can't really meet in the middle. But if you can, if the therapist can actually help you explore it, why it's important to you, the underlying issues often childhood issues triggers, you know, especially things that seem to be like irrational responses. People have, you know, really irrational, you know, I would say maybe irrational or disproportionate, it's a better way to say disproportionate responses to something, meaning that the punishment doesn't fit the crime, you know, the reaction really, really angry. Yeah, right.   Oh, now I know why, you know, the thought of going to that school is like a fate worse than death.  Okay, I really see why this is such a big trigger for you. You know, maybe I can be more flexible and we can find a third way. You know, there's so many different options there. But if you're both kind of sticking to your guns, and not really understanding what's beneath the surface, you're only going to stay on a shallow level. And you can try to fix the problem. But when it's a really big problem, it's going to be quite difficult when both people are digging their heels in. So it sounds like a good therapist will help the couple identify the deeper underlying root of issues rather than just giving them assignments and homework, like, okay, well, on Wednesday, you take out the trash and on Thursday, you make sure to make him dinner, right? Exactly, because I find that, you know, it's very, you can have people that are submissive and they're willing to do things for the sake of their relationship, but they begin to resent it or it doesn't really last very long. But if you do something because you're motivated because you have compassion for your partner, and you understand them, you understand why it hurts them, you'll do it. And we have we have a video on our online program that we have where at home program where we're sharing about this. We had this fight for years in the kitchen about peeling vegetables, you know, I'll link to it in the comments. And I feel that I feel the vegetables in the sink and I clean up afterwards. And it was like, no, you have to put it in a brown garbage bag. And and I just thought it was the craziest thing in the world. And I had my own feelings about it. Because here I am coming to help you and you're making a big deal and getting mad at me. It was horrible. We had a dialogue on the video live, live recorded dialogue, unscripted, and we went through it. And I learned there was much more had nothing to do with me peeling vegetables in the sink. It had everything to do with her childhood and her experience in the kitchen and what it was like for her. And and emotional issues. And I was like, you know what, I don't need to peel the vegetables in the sink. I don't even need to defend myself about her treatment because I realized I just set her off. And I wasn't doing on a purpose. But I set her off. I understand where it's coming from. And I didn't want to, I didn't want to hurt her. And so it's not a big deal. So it sounds like what you're saying, if a therapist told you, don't peel vegetables in the sink. You know, Rifka has an issue with it. So you should just peel vegetables in the garbage. And you know, I still have my resentment about like, who is she to like, have an attitude about this when I'm helping her so much?  It would have been a missed opportunity. And I could have forced myself to do it, but I still would have had the resentment and the negative feelings as opposed to I felt connection after we discovered the depth. I felt more connected. And we felt the issue was dealt with, you know, basically pretty much forever, now Rifka peels vegetables in the sink. Yeah, so getting to the root of things, understanding the childhood wound behind it, the emotional attachment and connection to the frustration is huge. So just giving, you know, going to a therapist, getting advice, getting tasks, getting assignments, getting homework, without going deeper, it's not really going to do that much. And there might be missed opportunities in that case. Okay. And then the last, the last thing is one thing that I find a lot of couples therapists don't do is that they don't, or a couple of therapy does not provide skills. I've had people come to me that said, you know, we went to this type of therapy, and we, I mean, it was interesting, but we have no tools. We don't know, we have nothing to do at home. We don't know how to get through the next argument. Right. You're dependent on the therapist. So if you're dependent on the therapist, in the beginning, and especially the huge, really big issues, and I always tell couples, in the beginning, you want to save the big issues for our sessions, try to work on little ones, but people are equipped with tools, you know, exactly. If I have a conflict, and this is one of the, it's very empowering, you know, I know that we felt like when we did the work ourselves as, as the patient, we knew that we were empowered with skills. We knew like, well, we don't have to be afraid. If we have a fight, or we have an argument, or we have a difference of opinion, or something I want to talk about, I'm afraid to share. I know that I can make an appointment. I can make a time. We can talk about it. I can share it with you. You can listen to me. I can feel heard. I'm not afraid of it. We had a toolbox. And we had a toolbox. And in a manga, we give a really, you have a really specific process, and you know it works because you've experienced it already in a program that it actually works. And you have it and you can take it home with you. And that's what we do with couples. We give the couples our no blame, no shame communication process. So they have those tools in their toolbox so that way the next time something arises at home, and we're not there to help, or you're not available to come see us, you have it, you can use it at home, and you can be successful without being driven further apart. And that is huge. That is huge. That's why I think Shlomo is so great, and your program is so great in working with couples in your two day retreat, because they really can go home, not dependent on the therapist, but they can actually be successful at home between. Right. And that's a goal. We're not here to keep people in therapy forever. We don't think people need to go to couples counseling for years on end, or even a year. Right. Short term. Depending on the situation. Yeah.  Because you know, there's always issues that pop up, and you can fix one, but another one's going to come up. But if you have the tools, like whack-a-mole, right, you can deal with anything. So that is another episode for today. We gave you five signs to look out for to know if therapy's working for you. If there's any potential red flags, let us know in the comments how you found these tips. And maybe you'd like a video about how to actually find a good therapist, since we just talked about how to know if therapy is not working for you. But if there is something related to this topic you'd like to learn more about, please let us know in the comments. Please also share this video with anyone who might be struggling and asking you the same thing. How do I know if therapy is working for me? We'd love to hear from you, and it will help our videos get shown to more couples like you. Please also know that we have some free resources for you available on our website, namely the 60-second action plan to a happy and healthy marriage. It's pretty much what we did in 60 seconds. That can help you improve your marriage. Only 60 seconds, promise. So be sure to look out for the link to sign up for that, and we'll see you next time. Take care. Bye-bye.


Ukraine's MFA calls on Georgia to stop torturing Sarkashvili, like the NKVD. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine strongly protests against the inhumane treatment of Ukrainian citizen Mikhail Sarkashvili and demands his handover to Kiev. In the worst traditions of the NKVD of the USSR, the Georgian authorities are using psychological and physical violence against Mikhail Sarkashvili, denying him urgently needed medical care, deliberately creating a direct threat to his life. The gross violation of human rights against a Ukrainian citizen does not coincide with the declared course of Belisi to join the EU, indicating the collapse of democracy in Georgia. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs stated, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine calls on the Georgian authorities to stop torturing and bullying Sarkashvili and hand him over to Ukraine. Do not play with a person's life for political revenge, the Ministry added. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs calls on foreign governments and international organizations to stand publicly in defense of the Ukrainian citizen, the former president of Georgia. His life was in danger due to political repression by the Georgian authorities. On February the 1st, at a press conference with his Austrian counterpart, President Vladimir Zelensky, showed photos of Sarkashvili and accused the Georgian authorities of publicly torturing and killing him. During his imprisonment, Sarkashvili showed how he lost weight during his imprisonment at the court hearing where the lawyers requested his release due to his health state. He also stated that he was tortured and poisoned in prison.