Good afternoon everyone here in the room as well as those of you who are watching us live Welcome to the World Economic Forum session on out-of-balance with water As the poet says water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink water in the air Water in the soil water in the ground water water in the rivers There's so much water and yet a lot of this water is unusable And increasingly this water cycle on which we have been relying on for so long is becoming Unpredictable and we do not know when and where we can get access to this water for how long and whether there will be too Much water as a consequence of for example climate change most of our climate change impacts are felt through water and Today we find that if you define safe and just boundaries for water surface water Groundwater the total water budget we find that we are outside these budgets at the global level But also at the local level for example We are taking out more water from the groundwater system than we are recharging in many parts of the world But to live within those boundaries We need to cut down our use of groundwater such that it is more or less in line with what is being recharged and Worse of all in many parts of the world We find that water has been over allocated through property rights through permits concessions contracts and many of these are Indefinite or for very long periods of time and this is very very difficult to then manage the water because it becomes your rigid system So the question for all of us is how do we try to manage water? And the key topic that we will all be working on today is are there levers? that we can use to unlock and unleash the power of water to Perhaps achieve the SDGs the sustainable development goals and today The world the global Commission on the economics of water is present here And we'll be trying to prove some of the ideas that they are working on for in in preparation of the report That is to be coming out soon We have at this point a very interesting speaker Professor Mariano Mazzucato who is co-chair of the global Commission on the economics of water and after she gives a very brief Three-minute presentation of her perspectives. We will be Listening to our Distinguished panelists over here. Let me introduce the panelists up front. We have president Tharman Shanmukha Rathnam from Singapore and he is also co-chair of the global Commission on the economics of water I am a commissioner in that commission Next to him is Roshni Nader Malhotra. She is chairperson of HCL Tech in India And is also known as a good very famous philanthropist in India Educationist and I think also interested in the arts. So a very wide Circle of interest Next to her is Kerstin Scout who is the director general of WWF International so she will probably speak from the perspective of nature and NGOs and Finally, we have Ulrich Granow who is the executive vice president and COO of Grundfos Which is based in Denmark and it's one of the largest is the largest water pump Producing companies in the world. So to start off, let me give the floor to Professor Mariano Mazzucato Oops if we treat water seriously We need urgent action and the really interesting thing about water is that it's everywhere Which also means that we need to take it extremely seriously across all the sustainable development goals name one SDG where water is not relevant one of our commissioners Yvonne Sawyer Who is the mayor of Freetown says that for example many women get raped when they go fetch water So SDG 5 on gender parity is related to water. Of course SDG 6 on wash of course SDG 13 and 14 climate change and life below our oceans But actually all of them and it's also across all our sectors again name one sector that's not reliant on water So it's really an economy-wide problem and we shouldn't treat it as a sector. Otherwise it gets siloed into kind of boring You know subsidies and guarantees and different types of policies that see it just as one thing as opposed to a Problem that needs massive innovation across government and across all sectors and in fact I have all this paper here. It's hard to hold at the microphone But our first report which was our March preliminary report last March actually ended with this massive Opportunity that water is a problem provides to the private sector and to the public sector around storage systems water delivery systems agriculture use recycling and And of course energy use but that doesn't happen on its own without actually changing how we do Capitalism right this is not about as much as I love philanthropies We need actually to do business differently. We need corporate governance to change We need governments to change instead of fixing market failures What does that actually mean to shape an economy to deliver for people and planets? So what the Commission's doing and I promise I will finish in the next 30 seconds. No idea where three minutes is We talk about the need first of all for outcomes oriented policy mission orientation Every industrial strategy around the world innovation policy finance policy needs to put water at the center But really around bold water Problems and by the way the global hydrological cycle is itself a mission and in in terms of actually keeping it stable Second we talk about the need for new types of public-private partnerships It's easy to talk about partnership, but we all know there's problematic partnerships even in our love lives, right? That's why people get divorced. So why do we think that just talking about partnering is a good thing We need to design the partnerships to be symbiotic Mutualistic we need new types of conditionalities for example tied to all grants loans and so on to make sure we actually get That private sector investment. That's so needed third Of course we need finance, but we can't keep seeing finance as a bucket and talking about financial gaps How do we restructure finance? Multi-development banks national development banks, which together by the way have over 23 trillion Dollars most of that is actually in the national development banks. How can they become better aligned around water problems? And lastly I talked about innovation, but how do we scale that? It can't just be cute little experiments here and there How do we use for example? Demand side policies that truly allow those innovations that come about to really diffuse and get fully deployed And in terms of the finance it has to be patient long-term and committed and in terms of those demand side tools The most obvious ones are things like procurement right government as purchaser in every country even in small island states have procurement budgets How can we use that lever that you talked about to really? You know put water at the center of an immense amount of collective intelligence to solve or transport or housing or Energy problems with water at the center. Thank you so much. Thank you Mariana That was really clear and you laid out the importance of water across all the estuaries and Also, you brought the gender issue very clearly to the fore as well as the need for finance and that brings me to you President Tharman How do you see the role of finance in the water sphere? Well first just just take a step back and carry on from what Mariana said And your opening remarks as well I think it's very important for us all to understand that Water is not just You know the first victim of climate change the first manifestation of climate change It is also part of the cause for climate change I think COP 28 registered very neatly that water is a major consequence climate change the droughts the floods the wildfires Etc. What isn't sufficiently recognized in the broad public and even amongst policymakers is That what's happening in water is also a cause of climate change to put it very simply The loss of moisture in the soil the loss of moisture in the forests is itself a major source now of Climate change and there's a very real risk that the natural Ecosystems the wetlands the forests and the other natural ecosystems which used to be sumps or major sources of sequestration of Carbon are actually going to tip over and become sources of admission of carbon dioxide So to solve climate we have to solve water That reverse causation is absolutely critical the good news is We can actually do it in fact I would say solving water is the low-hanging fruit in solving for the broader climate crisis We know the technologies and innovations that are required We actually have the financial resources in the global market system What's required as Mariana said is changes in the way we govern Water together with biodiversity and everything else that it takes to solve the climate crisis It's changes in governance and changes in the way we finance But it can be solved because this is not like the open-ended questions still in CC us open-ended questions in Some of the more Adventurous efforts to create safe nuclear energy and so on so forth all very exciting But not yet proven not yet proven to be safe and commercially scalable But for water we have proven technologies that need to be scaled up They need to be made affordable to the ordinary farmer in India or Africa. They need to be affordable for local municipalities everywhere in the developing world and frankly That also need to be implemented at scale in the most advanced countries Which themselves suffer from water crises? You only have to look at the Colorado River Basin look at large parts of California Look at even the Scandinavian countries where there's massive leakage of water from municipal systems I mean more than 40% of water is just lost through municipal systems So we can solve this the new technologies Allow us to solve that far more efficiently at lower cost and it allows us to scale things up So I'll just stop there Water is a consequence as well as a cause of climate change It is the low-hanging fruit in our efforts to address climate change and we can achieve it within a reasonable period of time It be organize ourselves. Well, and it be financed this so that everyone benefits Thank you. This brings me actually to the narrative that perhaps you would probably want to share with us Roshni because present time and talked about Technologies and innovations that need to be scaled up and I understand that you are also engaged in scaling up So you're probably hands on the ground Perhaps you could tell us a little bit about what you are doing in this field and what we can learn from you Great. Thank you. I think one of the things that you mentioned in your opening remarks was How to manage water and I think just picking up what president Thurman said I think water is managing us all at the moment and And it's really how we respond is what is extremely critical at the moment and I think in this journey each country each neighborhood each village Every society all over the world is in a different life cycle in their relationship to water and I think this is where innovation plays a very large role. So You know, we've made a commitment here at Weff in partnership with uplink for 15 million in patient capital financing over the next five years and each year there will be 10 aquapreneurs, which we will find from all over the world. So in five years, we'll have 50 aquapreneurs and This is not philanthropy because these are actually business solutions solutions that need to go to scale and like any other startup Or any other entrepreneur They need to be profitable. They need to have a marketplace. They need to have access to the right buyers and It's been a tremendous journey. We started last year 10 aquapreneurs two from South America two from North America two from Africa one from Europe One or two from India and one from Southeast Asia, but that's more than 10. So I'm getting my numbers wrong but But it was it was a global challenge and we had innovative solutions that came from all parts of the world So for us as an organization HCL, which is based in India and India again I think that when people think of India, they're also thinking of us in you know silos of you know, maybe Where there's not good agricultural practice. We've got drought and we've got challenges with our farmers There are also parts of India. They get more than their share fair share of water and people are not able to manage that or even, you know Harvest that so I think You know, we've got these 10 solutions that came last year We gave off the 15 million it was only about 3 million for the 10 but within 12 months They have unlocked the aquapreneurs on their own 55 million Dollars of additional funding for their businesses Two three of them have grown, you know, I've just got the numbers because it was so mind-boggling for me to see that You know, 900% degree increase in revenue five times jump in customer engagement Expanded to other countries So I think that What it's enabling is the funding and the financing is enabling To open up a marketplace for water and water-based innovation and solution and earlier today we launched The announce the second cohort of aquapreneurs So now we've got 20 and we've got one of our young recipients here in the entry as well but by the end of five years, we'll have 50 aquapreneurs from all over the world and you know, they're they've Received if for a lack of a better word seed funding, which is here But what a weft or a network such as ours are able to offer them is market access How to define your demand environment which countries to go to how to sell creating an ecosystem and So I'm I'm excited. I think we just have to continue on this journey and There's there's been a lot of There's been a lot more funding for other aspects of climate change carbon ecopreneurs and but I think fresh water Conservation whether it's in the natural habitats or it's in our urban habitats They're much more linked than they used to be before has president Tharman said and It's important to get some financing for solutions there Yeah, that sounds so exciting that such a small amount of money can then unleash so much Potential from these young aquapreneurs. Yeah, and that brings me to you Kirsten You've been evaluating the cost or value of wetlands and you have come with a number quite a large number probably half the world's global GDP How do you see that in relation to your perception of keeping human central in the evaluation of Water and water ecosystems Does that in any way clash with a business perspective or does it align well with it? No, thank you. I mean the so the number is 58 trillion. I have to say the number There's a lot behind that number, right? And I think what's interesting about it is precisely because it shows That conserving nature whether it's fresh water or forests or oceans has an economic value And matches very well with the business interests What's behind the 58 trillion is on the one hand? There is a large direct economic value You know water is an input is drinking water is really important to food production energy production and so forth But there's also a huge indirect economic value because a lot of wetlands For example and other freshwater ecosystems play a key role in purifying water Storm production of flood water control and so there is a huge economics behind the conservation of wetlands and river basins The problem is that we've often don't really realize What that economic value is and how that actually impacts us as people and so Whether so before I started so I've been with WWF for about 20 years But before I did that I was actually doing work on the economic values of wetlands I am an economist by background and I did that in the field in Kenya and Malawi and Just just so just from a local community perspective the immense amount of dependency of People on wetlands and on river basins. It's enormous. I mean their entire livelihoods depend on water Now if you look at corporates, it's pretty much the same thing except that we take it for granted These local communities have no choice, right? They have no choice but to take water and their food and their building materials for their houses from the local ecosystem But I think a lot of us Living in other parts of the world we have a choice, but I think we've taken for granted I mean water pricing is a big topic as you know, you know The price we pay for water is so incredibly low in many parts of the world But I think it's about time that we realize as corporates that you know taking water stewardship seriously because There's it's a very important part of our our production system, right again So much of water is necessary for food production for energy production and so forth The reality is that however, we're losing ecosystems at lightning speed, right? So every other year WWF brings out what we call the living planet report Now I was you know in the last 70 years We've lost about almost 70 percent of species living in the wild just generally in every single ecosystem for fresh water It's 83 percent. So just since 1970 We have lost 83 percent of species living in freshwater ecosystems Species are indicators of the health of ecosystems not much more than that So it tells you how much we're losing and and not just the quantity but also the quality of our freshwater ecosystem As a conservationist as a conservationist, of course, that's painful. I care deeply about that But as an economist, there's a whole other world out there that I think we need to look at because this poses real risks to Corporates and to us in our livelihoods and so I think this the 58 trillion is all about that It's realizing that we all need to look seriously at the freshwater issue the water scarcity I fully agree with with what you were just saying I think the whole issue around climate change is going to be felt primarily through freshwater whether too too much of it or too little of it and depending on where you live and so Having this figure should be a wake-up call I think for all of us to realize that we need to include the assessment of fresh water availability in our risk assessments as Corporates as part of water stewardship and be prepared of what will come over the next year Is this climate change is going to be impacting us wherever we sit? Thank you so much So we have to value our ecosystems and our water systems and actually we get huge returns back if we invest in it Coming to you Ulrich you are a pioneer in the field of water Management in your own way and you've been developing all kinds of technologies in your company What is your vision about how we should develop water technologies and unlock water economies? well First of all, we need to acknowledge that we are out of balance As it says that we need to do something about it You talked about climate water interdependencies but I just think here in the scene of weff we also need to recognize that Inequality on inequity in water means inequity in life So it just goes beyond water is beyond water Two billion people don't have access to safe clean water And not having access to that means Not having access to education not having access to sort of health same health Staying in poverty and not getting out of poverty. So Water is sort of the not has the knock on effect and a multiplier effect that if we Create conditions for water we create conditions for many of other these SGGs that we actually fight to actually win. So Therefore, that's actually the true value of water. The value of water is not just What water can do of solve the water, but it's actually about the knock on effect. It has on all the other SGGs Now what are some of the deficits we didn't need to to do something about? First of all, we need to price value differently than we do today You said it too low price, but also not fully understanding the value of it secondly, too many companies Too many governments don't really fundamentally understand the issue of water What's the problem? How can it actually be addressed? I'm happy to see that more reports is coming out now a preliminary report and a final report later But we need to create better understanding of the issue and then thirdly is as was also said before We need global coalitions global standards for how we manage water Global measurements, but also global ambitions think about what net zero has done To our co2 journey because everyone has jumped on to that wagon When we find the same measurement terminology and agree upon it Everyone and create a coalition around that we will start rally each other to actually get there But we're quite ambitious. We don't wait for that Everyone can get started every company can get started. I just want to share a few things that I believe every company could do First of all start looking at your own water print your own water footprint What's the water impact of your operations? How do you actually draw upon water? How do you recycle water? Then secondly go beyond that look at the water handprint. How do you actually act in the ecosystem? What impact do you have through water? The water withdrawals through the whole ecosystem. Are you placed in any sort of water? stressed areas and actually take that into consideration then understand your baseline build some Ambitions around it and don't accept to have a sustainability strategy that doesn't include water I think everyone can do something about it and actually get started on that journey That sounds so encouraging so positive and it's so much in line with the kind of work that we're trying to do over here Roshni talked about giving seed grants to young aquapreneurs to enable them to develop and scale up ideas President Thurman Why is it not happening that more people are giving such seed grants? How do we unlock this? Is it possible? I think it Why it's not happening is because first as Paul just mentioned Most people don't understand that what's happening in water is not just about local extremities large flood Prolonged drought and so on but that there's a shift in global conditions What do you call a tilt in the global cycle? It's very hard for most people to understand that so governments treat this as just a bad happening a Chance happening and just hope it doesn't happen again. Maybe widen the drain so that it won't get such bad floods So there isn't very much understanding to begin with or what it takes beyond the micro local solutions I think this understanding can be spread and that's one of our principal aims and very importantly It's now about Scaling up not just one or two big innovations But scaling up categories of innovations and allowing for some competition and and flourishing of Different experiments and different specific technologies. So for instance, if we talk about the massive amounts of Water that's simply wasted. So industrial wastewater the vast majority of it is simply Dispensed with right and often it you're dispensing polluted water or extremely hot water into the waterways If that's a challenge And we know the solutions exist What's required on the part of the public sector is to define that challenge Explain how we are going to incentivize and regulate the solutions and call for bids and I know for sure that there's a whole range of technologies now that are competing at the frontier of that market Which have increased the efficiency of reuse to now well beyond 90 percent through improved membrane technologies new materials new methods of operating membrane technologies as well Fascinating and we've got to essentially when it comes to these new areas our role has to be To drive down the costs of these new solutions by moving faster than the market would on its own move Moving faster than the market would on its own move. That's what happened in solar. That's what's going to happen here as well so the task of the public sector is to Co-invest mitigate risk and also to set standards and regulations so that we can basically shift down the cost abatement curve in other words make what looks like hard to abate sectors become easier to abate by achieving scale and providing some public incentive for private investment and that's what we need to do we need to take a System-wide approach. It doesn't mean everything becoming centralized going only for a global solution and then imposing that same global solution everywhere It means recognizing that there's a global problem Recognize the six to eight key areas Where we can do something about it and then call for competition call for bidders and the public sector would have to be there to regulate set standards and very often mitigate risks because These are very often technologies which are not yet cost-effective, but they will be with investment at scale Everybody here is talking about increasing the price of water So that people recognize it in a country like India where so many people are really poor and can't afford it How do you see that operationalized? Do you think it's possible? I think India lives in many centuries. So I think Where there are big cities where you have Robust middle-class Which is getting more and more affluent? They have a very different relationship with water and I think to some of the points that you raised that take the taking taking it more for granted and You know and if you were to price it I think the first question higher price at the Why are you judging me so much and you know? So I think there's there's a very different relationship that they have whereas there are parts of India where water is not so readily available and You know I'm still not sure that they value it. They just know that they need it to survive so I think it's It's it's very because they're trying to meet ends meet every day and they've probably seen It deteriorate over time. So, you know They have a very different relationship with what's happening in the natural ecosystem their agricultural Ecosystem what's happening in wetlands their groundwater and then you've got parts of India where there's so much water and that has different repercussions because Even then they are not able to use it for economic Benefit and growth. So I so I mean, I don't think that there is a clear Answer, I guess what you're saying is maybe you have to price it based on the kind of communities also Who can benefit from it? So if people can't afford it, maybe it has to be subsidized Maybe you have different yes, sir, I was just going to chip in that A last part of the problem is actually you're getting perversely Negative pricing or put another way you're getting subsidies for the wrong things So for instance, one of the reasons why so much groundwater is being extracted in Agriculture in many countries is because energy is subsidized and the diesel is subsidized so people in fact It's often free in some farms They're basically incentivized to just pump more and more groundwater and now it's unsustainable now if you could price the energy It gives you a source of revenue that then enables you to subsidize the right type of farming So we've got to do both removing the bad subsidies and Introducing the good subsidies and in order to afford it. You do need some pricing Pricing that will appear fair to the smallholder farmer, right and it's the Challenge there, of course that many of these farmers who are land who own the land also own the water So there's no there's no actual purchase or sale happening over there So that's something else we have to think about in the future but I was really talking about the people who buy water for drinking and And and sanitation and that becomes very expensive for the poor I can give the example of my mother She pays a standard amount which is very limited, but the people on the street pay much more if they have to go to the Toilet, so it it's a very Ironic system that in the middle-class person pays less in some ways than the poor people when they want to access water But to come to your question I mean Ulrich raised the point that actually water is a multiplier because it multiplies in terms of access to Education access to health and then access to job and maybe access to development and you were talking about the ecosystems so do you think you're underestimated in your Value of ecosystems his narrative about the impact of water on humans No, I think it was a great comment I don't know in that sense the cal the the exact calculations I my guess is that we probably is an underestimation which is kind of cool as well because this is a very Low I mean 58 trillion sounds like a lot But if you think that it could actually be even more because I think you're right I think there is I mean water is life right so in that sense I think the multiplier effect is endless when you think about it, so it's not like There's a lot we can say about other ecosystems that are usually important for life But I think fresh water is the basis for all life on earth so valuing that and and and seeing that as the basis of our social economic Well-being wherever you live. I think it's usually important. I Might my guess is I mean having worked on this for such a long time is is There is an increasing realization and it's not because we're throwing around these numbers But simply because we're dealing with the reality of this more and more each and every day in all the places where we live I mean I come from the Netherlands and we have fought for thousands of years Made mainly it's been about just getting rid of fresh water all the time because we're battling fresh water for flooding Now all of a sudden for the past let's say five six years. Well, you live in the Netherlands to you all of a sudden we're faced with droughts and Not and so now we have to come up with a system in the Netherlands where on the one hand You're still we're faced with flooding We want to get rid of it and other times you want to you want to keep the fresh water And so what that means is a completely different look at the way the Netherlands is organized because fresh water is everywhere, right? so so yes, I think The 58 trillion is probably a very conservative value I don't think the volume itself is going to change things But I think it's going to be a reality check for many of us wherever we live So you come from the Netherlands and the Netherlands has always Claim that it is one of the leaders in world in the world in terms of water governance And now we find that the Netherlands is not yet prepared to deal with half the impacts of climate change And so it's surprising for such a developed country not to have that in your presentation Ulrich you were talking about the fact that there is a lot of ignorance and The question now that comes to mind is why is it that? Politicians don't see water as important. I It's a difficult and it's a complex issue to address We talked about that But I want to give an example of of of my own home home country Denmark worked on water like like like Holland But there over 50 hundred of years water regulation and continuous improvement from the policy has been a demand to the society and Therefore in that ongoing collaboration between private and and governments and utilities The bar has just been raised And today we are operating Denmark with four to five percent non-revenue water. We still think we can do it better But it's come by that continuous sort of sharpening the soul on what can be done and and when I when I say put a value on water It's not like I'm I'm looking for a global price setting on water but It's a business Water is a business. It's many other things, but it's also a business And if there is a fair price of water, it will incentivize investment in water It will incentivize actually Innovating in water innovating a new solution putting new solutions in place encouraging startups to actually come into this because there is actually not only Providing great for the environment nature health Clean water, but that's actually good return on investment of actually doing the water business That's why I'm actually looking to raising the bar on Understanding the value on water and putting a value to it It also means that there's a value to every water you take in or if you don't clean your water It has some value to you if you just lead it out because you need to take something else in So I think putting a higher value on water will see a higher motivation for being much more Thoughtful about your water managing your water demand, but also Increasing the deployment of some of those great water reuse technologies that as you said already exist They just need to be deployed more and putting more value to water will actually help that It's 30 seconds each to give one good message To the Global Commission on the economics of water that's finalizing its report. So perhaps Tharman We can solve this We can solve this with Shifts in governance some shifts in Legal arrangements. So for instance, Joe Ita you mentioned the issue of people who own the land and therefore own the water Under the land that shouldn't necessarily be the case. And by the way in Singapore No, there's no private owner of the water under the land the state owns all the water under the land The state owns the rainfall and it's used for the public good So it just requires shifts in governance that critically involve looking at the public good Pricing water to recognize its many-fold values for the entire ecosystem Depend and being fair to people so that you subsidize where subsidies are really required Roshni So I'm going to go back to what I said in the beginning. I think we're today sitting in a world where whichever part of the world is water is managing you not the other way around and There's some great innovations and solutions out there Waiting to be scaled. They need more funding they need more patient capital and They need more marketplaces where the global solution can also be localized and So, yeah Yes, I would just say that I think the world is waking up and And for that part of the world that's not waking up. I think they will be forced to wake up soon So the sooner but what we needed I was going to say exactly say what we need is scale and speed I mean, we've been talking about this for such a long time The urgency is is getting higher and higher and I think again lots of people coming on board Let's move faster and at a bigger scale than we have been doing over the past years alright value it start seeing that the cost of No action is just too costly and I think in Maybe just start here to the audience here you online all the business leaders that I hear it with Have you recognized your? dependency on water I Think we can all do something about it a water sustained or sustainability strategy for any company that doesn't contain water Simply not good enough. So get started business leaders set some ambitions commit to it Change the mindset and then we need a global coalition to build global standards and Measurement and ambitions for where we want to take water in the same way as we've done at the climate side Thank you So let me try to summarize What has been said so far? We've been told by our panelists that water as An immense value because of the ecosystems it supports and the ecosystems provide us Services, so that's why it's very important to protect the water We've been told by a panelist that water is a multiplier of development and that Access to water is access to education health, etc Marianne also added that if you have access to water and sanitation services, you may not get raped on the way to get your water services So water is We've been told that we need to find finance, but there is money everywhere The question is how do we scale up this? Tharman has told us it that is it is a low hanging fruit Water is really easy to solve because we have the technologies. We have the knowledge We have the opportunities We just have to get all the actors together and change the dynamics so that the governance system changes and We were told by Roshni that if you provide Small grants starter grants to new entrepreneurs new agripreneurs like you We can actually mobilize change and that can be scaled up the question is why is it not happening and that is a challenge for the Global Commission on the economics of water and that's what we will work on and we'll take your advice to try to mobilize Global coalitions on this issue and we look forward to the support of the work of the economic forum in actually pushing this further and Hopefully some help in ground-truthing both the ecosystem storyline, but also what can be possible in developing countries With that, I think we will bring this session to an end. Thank you for coming and I hope you and the people online You didn't have an opportunity to ask any questions, but should you have questions, please? Write to us at the Global Commission on the economics of water Thank you. Thank you You


You're listening to highlights from The David Feldman Show, heard nationwide on Pacifica Radio, or as a podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, and now YouTube. Please subscribe to this channel. For more information, go to davidfeldmanshow.com. Thank you for listening. The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you.  Back by popular demand, Jim Earl. Hello, Jim. Do we have a bad connection? I don't know, do we? Did you just belch? Yes, I did. On my show? Okay. No, on my phone. Hey, congratulations on being invited back to The David Feldman Show. Oh, is that what this is? Congratulations. This is a great day in my life. Thank you. Hey, Jim Earl. So how's Jimmy Dorr? I want to challenge him to a fist fight. Seriously. Is it the only reason you have me on so you can dig at Jimmy Dorr? I think I'm going to fly to L.A. Marquis to Queensbury Rules. I want to go 13 rounds with Jimmy Dorr. See who's still standing. Would you relay that to him? I see you. There you are. Going on with your elitist Queensbury Rule thing from Harvard or wherever you went to law school. We can do the Dingleberry Rules. Marquis to Dingleberry? Does it come out of Yale? The Marquis to Dingleberry Rules are a lot of clenching, a lot of holding. You never say break up. That's the Marquis to Dingleberry. A lot of pinching, a lot of loafing. So seriously, tell Jimmy Dorr, I want to get into a ring with him and go 13 rounds. Well, what possible good would that do? Just to see who's stronger, who's smarter at the sweet science of boxing. Who do you think would win if Jimmy and I went 13 rounds? I think the American public. So you're doing Jimmy's hugely successful show on YouTube with the Young Turks, right? Well, I write a lot of things for this show, yes. All right. Well, tell him I miss him. He won't return my calls. He is like the Republicans in that he needs an enemy. If he doesn't have an enemy, he can't get out of bed in the morning. He needs caffeine and his caffeine isn't coffee. It's somebody's slighted him. It's always an imagined slight and that fuels his creativity. Gee, I can't imagine why he doesn't want to talk to you. I just don't get it after that. Because when I run into him, like at the conventions, I weaken him. He's no longer angry. And then he goes, damn, now I have to think of somebody else to hate. Otherwise, my juices drain. He needs, he needs me to hate me. He has to see me as his enemy. Otherwise, he can't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I saw it when I ran into him in Philadelphia. He melted when he saw me because he loves me. And then he thought I just don't have the time and energy to find somebody else to hate. So this is what your therapist is telling you? No, this is what I know about him. Your therapist tells you this. In order to make yourself feel better about yourself, the therapist gets another paycheck. Have you ever done therapy? Only you pay your therapist in drink tickets. Who bossed the flappers? Who bossed the... Three passes to Bitberg's fart oven. Bitberg's fart oven? Yes. Yeah, Reagan. In Snatch Haven, Connecticut. In Snatch Haven, Connecticut. Yep. Bitberg's fart oven in Snatch Haven, Connecticut. That's right. It's an actual club, yes. I know. Very popular. Snatch Haven, though, it's by the sea. Snatch Haven, Connecticut. What has to be. Yeah, why? Well, there are a lot of odors. You know, you've got to have those nice ocean winds coming along to help you out. Right. Didn't you have like a little boat to go off into the water near Snatch Haven? Oh, yes, the SS Quief. The SS Quief. Snatch Haven Sound, I believe it's called.  Right. He was located in Cape Snatch. Cape Snatch. But yeah, he would steer the boat. But he would disappear and you had trouble finding that little captain in the boat, right? This is getting dirty and I don't like that. The little man in the boat, you always had trouble finding the little man in the boat in Snatch Haven. That's right. In Snatch Haven, Connecticut. Well, now you've explained it. That makes absolute sense. Did you live in Snatch Haven? No one actually lived in Snatch Haven. You can only stay in Snatch Haven three weeks of the month. Uh-huh. And then you got to leave. And how hard is it to get to Snatch Haven? There's only one entrance, right? Yeah. It's gated, right? Yeah. It's a gated community. In order to get in there, you got to show ID, you got to do some sweet talking, right? Yeah. Bring some liquor. Bring some liquor in the front. Bring some liquor in the front? Right. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm living in Manhattan these days. I should probably try to visit Snatch Haven. Well, it's right up your alley. Well, that's another town, but I'm not allowed to visit. Now, up my alley, Massachusetts, that's a big Greek community, right? Yes, it is a Greek community. Greek? Greek. The Greek community. Right. Up my alley. You know, if you've got a Snatch Haven on your free-masted schooner, they'll flush your main mast from the mizzen on down. Jim Earl. So let's talk about Georgia, the sixth district. You like this. Oh, yeah.  You said she's a Republican, but in name only, you think that she's going to take on Trump and the people of Georgia made a wise decision picking her instead of Ossoff. Is that what you said? No, I never said anything of a sort. Oh, no. You were the one who said General Sherman should have burnt the entire Confederacy to the ground. I think that's... Yes. Right. I'm in favor of General Sherman, but I think he should still burn it to the ground. Well, it wasn't total war.  But one of the reasons Germany and Japan, and we've talked about this before, the one of the reasons Germany and Japan are so successful is we turned both those countries into glass and then they had to rebuild themselves in our image and they've surpassed us. I think the disfavor we did to the old Confederacy was not letting Sherman set fire to the entire South. We've done a disservice to our nation and to the South. We allowed remnants of their belief system to sustain over the years, and that's why we're in the trouble we're in. Right? Remnants of their belief system. Yes. Sure. I don't know what to say. I don't have any ancestors from the South, but you probably do. Oh, yeah. Because the Jews controlled the cotton industry. Mm-hmm. The primary slaveholders, weren't they? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The Feldmans, in particular. Well, yes. The Feldmans, we owned a couple of plantations, and I remember reading my great, great, great, great grandfather, Jedediah Feldmans' logs. He wrote, we're paying the slaves nothing. How can we pay them even less? He was trying to figure out. Jedediah Feldman was a senator to the Confederacy, representing Georgia. He proposed legislation that would have charged slaves $50 a day for the privilege of being a slave. Well, that's like being one of the slaves that Hillary Clinton had in the Arkansas State House. It was a privilege working for her as slave labor. She had slaves? Well, she had prison labor, yeah. Oh. And they were all black.   The ones who were lifers gave her the least trouble, so she kept them in the slightest mistake. She would send the others back to prison. You're saying that when Bill Clinton was governor of Arkansas. Yes. He would hire prison labor to work the governor's estate. Not hire. They didn't get paid anything. Maybe $0.07 a day. That's what they get now, $0.07, maybe $0.15 a day or an hour, something like that. That's slave labor. Right. And you're saying Chelsea is the product of a union, not between Hillary and Bill, but between Hillary and one of those prisoners. I'm not saying that. That's what you just said. Oh, I did?  Right. It was 50 miles away from Snatch Haven, Connecticut, which was one of Hillary's favorite places in the world. And she asked one of the prisoners to trim the garden to make it look like Snatch Haven. And then he stayed late. He ordered him some lemonade. And she had a glass of lemonade and peed out Chelsea, because that's what babies... I like how you commit to this. Because that's how... Even when it's got on the tubes. That's how you make babies, right?  Is your mom still with us? No, she had to go do Mark Marin's podcast. She was pretty funny today, wasn't she? Why? I... Yes, she's still with us. Really? How old is she? I'm not allowed to talk about how old she is. She's very vain. E. Very vain. But she's... Veiny. Veiny. Yes, she's veiny. She's part of the Greatest Generation, isn't she? Yes, she was. She was tried at the Nuremberg Trials. She was Ava Braun's hairstylist. Does that include the Germans when they say the Greatest Generation? That's for some. I think you would say the Greater Generation. Rare. The Superior Generation. Hey, they found a treasure trove of Nazi memorabilia in Argentina. Did you see this? Yeah, I did. And what was the thing... What made you laugh? There was one thing they found that I thought of you. I thought it was the big Nazi mug with the handle on the inside. That made me laugh. World's Greatest Racist. You don't have to be racist.  But it helps. Right. And then there's Hang In There, Baby. You know, after the assassination attempt and the show trials and the Hang In There, Baby poster. Yeah. Was Ramo hung? I think he committed suicide. No, no, no. I'm talking about what his wife said.  God, I love talking history with you. I don't... It's so enlightening. One of the things they found was this compass to measure skull shapes. Did you see that? No, I didn't. Oh, yeah, go look it up. Somebody brought to Argentina, you know, the mugs and the busts of Hitler and these, I don't know what you call them, but they're skull shape measurements for phrenology, which you still believe in, right? I believe in skull shapes. There are many different skull shapes, but I don't believe in phrenology. You don't believe that you can determine the intelligence of an individual by the slope of their brow because I've heard you talk for hours on that. I've never said that. I've sat in bars with you and you've bought me... Drinks. You could bet a guy...  You don't remember that? No, no, because I've never been in a bar with you. I would never allow that to happen. Remember Barry Lang's impersonation of me when I was an alcoholic? No, I don't. Do you remember what he used to walk around imitating me? There's something like, you don't know who I am. He used to say, this is Feldman. Let's go get a drinks. Yes. Let's go get a drinks. You knew me when I was drinking. You had the funniest plural, non-plural jokes of any comic out there. What was I like drinking? I don't remember any of that. I don't think I was around you that much when you were drinking. I remember you came to my apartment with Barry Lang and I smoked a lot of dope and got drunk and you and I got into a big argument. Do you remember that? About what? It was the first time we had met and you came into my apartment and you pulled some sarcasm with me and we started arguing politics.  I could be friends with him. And you had a balcony. We were arguing on the balcony. It was like a cat on a hot tin roof. And you had a very expensive apartment in a Tatsy Tatsy part of town. What are you talking about? We can never figure out where you got your money from. I lived on Dwight Way. I was living with three other guys. How was that an expensive apartment? The luxury inside that apartment. And you had a balcony. I had a balcony, yeah. What else? A piano. Well, the plumbing, the plump piano, the baby grand, Steinway, 1920. They had gold fixtures. The Gustav Klimt in the airy. The Jan van Eyck painting in the foyer. My butler was not British. He had a southern twang, which I was always ashamed of. Why do you say I had money? You had a trust fund. You had a huge trust fund. A trust fund, baby. We all know that. A couple of billion. I went to a boarding school in Geneva to keep an eye on my father's Nazi gold. You went to a boarding school for young boys. Had a lot of troubles there. But it really shaped your character in later life. How so? Well, you like horses a lot. You became a veterinarian, traveling from farm. Traveling from farm to farm.  Turns out that's not where veal comes from. I thought if you put your fist up a dairy animal's anus, as it's pronounced, veal would come out. Delicious veal. Are you familiar with Latin? Anus, anot, anot. Anus, anot, anot. Anot? A balloon knot, I think, is how it's pronounced. I love that.   I went to bed at 5 a.m. and got up at 6 30 to go do a seminar for fresh books. My friend Saul Colt, great guy, did a seminar for fresh books for people who are independent contractors. And I was on a panel at 8 in the morning at Caroline's Comedy Club. 8 in the morning to talk about what it's like to be a freelancer. It's kind of interesting. So I'm sleep deprived. Have you ever had a full-time job? I guess writing, right? Working for Liz Winstead, working on The Daily Show. That was a full-time job, right? That's not freelance work, right? It was a full-time job. We had contracts in Air America. Full-time, we had contracts. And do you like working on Union? That's right, that's right. I know that John Stewart was very upset that The Daily Show was non-union. Hey, you know, we shouldn't worry about the Georgia's District 1 results. You know why? Why? Because Democrats are planning to rebrand the law says enhanced winning. I think it's Georgia 6, isn't it? Or really? I think. I'll rewrite that. Rewrite that. What's the best joke you ever wrote? What's the one joke that you think if I have to get into heaven and you're at the pearly gates and St. Peter says, I'll let you in, but you gotta tell me the best joke you ever wrote. What is it? I don't know. There's so many of the chews from. But if I had to pick one that is kind of my favorite would be my dad's a horrible racist. Yeah. And when I say horrible, I mean, he's just not very good at it. Yeah.  Motherfuckin' Etruscans. Motherfuckin' Etruscans? Etruscans, yeah. He was out of touch. He was old. Now the Etruscans, were they from Central Italy? Is that who the Etruscans were? Yes. I believe they were Central Italy before the Romans. Were Romulus and Uncle Remus Etruscans? I don't know. Now Romulus and Remus, I heard that Romulus was from ancient Rome, but Remus was from Greece. Is that it? Yeah, I didn't see that one coming around the anus.  Yeah. Yeah, that was the end of that. That was your best joke? I don't know, I got others. I like that. What was the first joke you wrote for stand-up? It was a prop joke. I would go up there with a container of head and shoulders filled with tomato juice and do a mock commercial. I'd show it and I'd say new improved head and shoulders. Then pour it into the glass, take a drink out of it. It's got sheep's blood. And how did that go over? Not very well. Were you disappointed by the intelligence of the comedy audiences when you were starting out? Did you think they were going to be a lot smarter than they turned out to be? Are comedy audiences limited? No, I wasn't disappointed. It depends on which neighborhood you are in and what club you're in and the type of clientele that the club attracts. There were some very, very smart places and fun places to play.  Can you talk about anything in front of a comedy audience even when you're famous? Can you talk about anything and keep their interest and get laughs? Or is comedy limited to just a few subjects? I think you could talk about anything. Can you get laughs and keep the audience's interest and can you make a living and sell tickets? Or is comedy like pop music in that it has to keep this certain AABB structure? I don't know about any AABB structure but I think people will laugh at anything if it's done right in a new and interesting way. Are you a fan of Mort Solz? Not really, but I appreciate the precedent that he set. I appreciate his position in the history of comedy. You don't think he's the best as well as the progenitor of modern stand-up? No, I think Eddie Cantor. Seriously? No, seriously, Eddie Cantor.  It's the first visual and audible stand-up I've ever seen recorded.  I'm not that familiar with Eddie Cantor but what I'm saying is in terms of modern stand-up Mort was the first one to talk about something other than his wife and his girlfriend. He was the first one to talk about something meaty. The issues. I guess so. Okay. I guess. And you don't think that's important? Well, yeah, I do. That's what I mean. I don't think it's that funny. I think it's important. George Carlin, there's somebody, his stuff lasts and he grew kind of like the Beatles of comedy. He would have a new incarnation or he would grow with every trend, you know? And is he your favorite? For political comedy or something like topical political comedy, I guess so. He and the Smothers Brothers, I thought the Smothers Brothers were great. That's interesting. The show or their nightclub act? Both. And I thought they were dangerous. I think they were truly dangerous. And I think W.C. Fields is very subversive and in a way political comedy too. How so? I think he did more to comment on how America is full of dollars and common people, family life can be so horrible and tedious. I think he was brilliant. Every aspect, visually and subtly and outrageously. It's a gift. Yeah, he would murder. Yeah, it's a gift. He would murder things under his breath, you know? And he always was always in a fight with the censors too. Right. And he would raise his hand to baby Leroy, which was hysterical. Right, right. I mean, he would threaten to hit a, not a kid, a baby. It's not funny to threaten to hit a, like threatening to hit a kid is like, ooh, that's creepy. But threatening to hit a baby is funny. Right? Yeah, I can be. Right. Right. All right. People love you on this show. Well, not after this one. This was our best one. Have a happy holiday. Yes and no. Yes and no. Means some of my kids called me.  Yeah. See what I did? Yeah. Words are my tool. That was misdirection. And your tool is constantly misdirected. Yes, you're talking about. Yeah. You have a curved penis. It's Peroni's disease, right? Peroni's disease.  That's Peroni's disease. When doesn't that happen? Well, I, as you know, served in Vietnam and my semen has Agent Orange in it. So kind of... What? Have you been doing stand-up lately? I did it last night. Didn't go well. Really? Did not go well. Did not go well. I was at Danger Fields. And it went okay. It could have gone better, but I was tired. You know, it was like a cattle call instead of me and a couple of friends. It was a long night of comedy and waiting around. And by the time I got up, I was a little tired. But Peroni's disease is where your penis curves to the left or to the right. Bill Clinton had that. Or upwards. Or upwards. If it's optimistic. Right. Or downward.   I can't get it down. Right. Because it curves up. Well, that's why I used to wander around the south. Helping the people find wells with my penis. It would dip down during periods of drought. It was a divining rod. Yes, I would help starving farmers find water for the crops. But then they accused you of actually making the water with the divining rod. And exposing myself. And exposing yourself. Oh, I remember a joke that Larry Brown hated of mine. Remember I came up with a heckler response? Yes. I have one in particular.   Larry was a pa...  Do you remember that?  Uh-huh. And I remember I said that one night and I was so proud of that because I was, you know, learning to put down audience members. And Larry was a pa... Do you remember that? I was there that night, yeah.  And I shook my head with confidence. I thought it was hilarious. Do you really remember that? Yeah, I thought it was hilarious for the wrong reasons. I'll tell you, I had another... another heckler line.   I never said that. You did. Did I really? Yeah. You did. No, I did. Did I really? Yes. Did I? Wait a second, but I didn't do that like, hey, I wrote a put down for hecklers. This is going to be like one of my stock put... Maybe I accidentally said that. Remember that sex, that female sex therapist who was big in the 80s? What was her name? She had a... Friday? German accent. Oh, Ruth West... Hyman. Ruth West Hyman. And this... I still have this on videotape from an open mic at the Holy City Zoo that we hosted and you came on stage. And you introduced your Ruth Westheimer joke. And that's the only thing I remember...  This had to have been like 85, 84? Probably, yeah. And you have this on videotape? Yeah, 86, I think, yeah. 86? I always use... Was it me repeating something over and over again in her voice? No, it was basically this Ruth Westheimer.  Wait, that's not it. I didn't say that. This Ruth Westheimer. Have you seen it?   I didn't say that. There's 30 seconds of silence with the mic feeding back. I remember having a bit about her. I don't remember what the joke was.  You have video of me from 1986? Yeah, Barry and I, when we hosted the Lankan Earl Freak Show and all those open mics at the Boys City Zoo, we would tape everybody we could on primitive videotaping machinery. To laugh at them behind their back or did you think this would have some historical virtue? Both. You don't have any Feldo the clown, do you? I think I might have... No, I don't think I do. Yeah, I don't think it exists. I know that I put the clown suit on again to be filmed by somebody, but I don't know... You see, that was your problem. I don't understand why you gave a Feldo the clown. That could have been, like, that would have made you famous. It didn't work. It didn't work. How bad was I when I was starting? The audiences hated me, right? They still do. No, the first time I saw you was at the punchline open mic. Before I started doing comedy. And you came on with your glasses and a newspaper. Like Mort's father started reading the headlines. And this... And what'd you think? I thought you were trying to be Mort Saul. I was.  This Melvin layered. Melvin layered?  That was Raymond Donovan. Yeah, I wanted... I was like, yeah, yeah. Well, we don't need to. Memory lane. When did it all turn sour, Jim? When did it all go bad for us? At the beginning. They never went bad. It's an unending pageant. What was the best day of your life in comedy? The best day where you just go, well, I had this day. Everything was worth it. I think it was when Barry and I first did the Russian roulette bit. For the very first time on stage in front of like 40,000 people at Comedy Day in the park in San Francisco. What was the Russian roulette bit?  And then I pull out a revolver and said, so we brought a gun. And and Barry says, that's right. I'm going to tell a joke and Jim will point the gun at my forehead and slowly pull the trigger. If I survive, I will then turn the gun on him and do the same thing. Well, he tells the joke. Yeah, we did that two or three times until I just kind of snapped and started snapping the trigger at his head. Sorry, folks.  And there were kids in the audience. Yes. And you got off stage and what did you think was going to happen? I thought it was going to go well. I thought it was hilarious. I thought people would be shocked by it and find it funny, you know. And it still makes people laugh, I think. Did you ever... Did you ever fly to Hollywood thinking this is it? It's going to happen? Yeah, for a Burger King commercial try-out. Seriously? Yeah, we had a Burger King...   Our careers are over. Two days later we get a call. Hey, can you come down to LA and do a screen test for this? Seriously? Yeah, so we do it. It turns out they didn't want that. Wait a second. Everybody showed up for this Burger King audition. You and Barry sabotaged it and they picked you instead. To mess with you or they wanted rebels? What do you think was going on? I think they liked the energy and the rebellious nature of it to use cliche terms but they didn't want that on... They didn't want that on video. They didn't really want that. It's like when you're hired to write for somebody and we love your stuff. Now change it.  But we love your stuff. Well, that's the joy of being in charge. The joy of being in charge is that you can no longer get it up so you hire young bucks and abuse them. You did that with your podcast. That's what I would do. I was unable to get it up so I brought in young talent. Young men who were eager who my wife was eyeing and I tried to break them. I would break them. Break their spirit. It's the story of Hollywood. Isn't it? You made us spend a night in the box. Uh-huh. I'm not going any further with that. I know you're going uh-huh. Well, I was going to say that you were going to, when the boiled egg eating competition with my executive producer but I didn't want to go down that. I thought the work we did when you, me, and Rosenfeld Field, Rosen, how's Steve doing? He's doing okay. He's doing alright. One of the funniest people in the world. Yes. Credible joke writer. Joke machine. Uh, yeah. We had some funny stuff. I got to dig up some of those sitcoms. They were funny. They should. Yeah, I know. They were really great. So what are you going to do tonight? What are you going to do tonight? I'm going to wait until the UV index goes down to one. You know, hopefully get on my bike and ride to Echo Park Lake. Watch the geese and the ducks and then come back and maybe have some fresh spring rolls at the only place I can afford to eat at anymore. And then watch Benjamin Cumberbung on Netflix in the Sherlock Holmes series. Hmm. And what are you reading? I'm reading about the bombing of Dresden right now. A lot of great toy factories were in Dresden, weren't they? Yeah, a lot of dishes. A lot of dishes were broken that day those days. Well, they were having a Greek wedding at the time of the bombing. That really wasn't the Allies' fault. Was Dresden known for their dishes? Their ceramics? How bad was Dresden? How bad was it? The bomb. Oh, it obliterated the town center. Suck the oxygen, right? They created so much heat, it just sucked the oxygen. Yeah, first day the British came in and dropped bunker-busting bombs. The function of that was to blow the doors, windows and roof soft buildings. That day when the Americans, I guess, bombed with their incendiary bombs, it would make it easier for it to create firestorms. Right. Burn everybody. The British bombed at night. The Americans refused to bomb at night. They would only bomb during the day, right? They didn't think it would be morally right to bomb at night. I don't think they had anything to do with morals. It was just easier to see. Right, but they didn't want to hit the wrong targets. The British felt because of the battle with Britain, it didn't matter if they hit the wrong targets. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. A lot of back-and-forth in that war, you know. So much fucking... People getting even with each other. You know. It's hard to take sides. Right? Yeah, absolutely. Stay out of it. You know what that was like? America going into Europe during World War II was like a cop going on a domestic violence call. It's dangerous. And you don't know where it's going to come from. That's the most dangerous call a cop can make. You know that? That's what I hear. I think the most dangerous call a cop can make is primarily danger for the people they encounter. Because they're killing everybody. Well, you've had positive experiences with cops, right? The only positive ones I've had was when I didn't feel like I was going to be threatened completely.  I've never felt comfortable around cops because a lot of them are insane. Really? In Texas. Barry and I, we just get out of it. We're near Johnsonville. Hang on, I have a bad... I apologize for this joke.  Yeah. But they do the job that you're too afraid to do? Yes. Go ahead, you say it. And what job is that? You do it. You know where I'm going. And I can't help myself. You know what I'm going to say and I don't want to say it. But I've only had an hour to have to sleep. I think I know what you're going to say. So you say it. I'm not going to say it. No. Cops do the job that ordinary Americans don't have the courage to do. Please. Thank you. Say it.  All right. My audience knows where I'm going with this. Go ahead. I have no idea what you're talking about because I don't think that way. You know? I'm a 22nd century man.  And you can trace your ancestry all the way back to the Mayflower moving company. Weren't your ancestors like Huguenots or something? Juguenots. Weren't they Juguenots? Juguenots? No. Oh no, they were balloon knots.  Get it? Balloon knots? It's a callback to I think they were Quakers. Seriously? Hey, I had some Quakers. The Earls were Quakers. On the other side, they were Catholics from Prussia. Your Quakers side?  I've had it. They like to, yeah. They hollowed out bodies with little drums with them for kindergarten. The Quakers did? You used to do that with Quaker Oats containers? We weren't allowed to play with our Quaker Oats containers when I was a kid because my mother and father would say Barbara Bush's faces on that box be gentle with it. Barbara Bush.  I never said that.  David Mamet heard me do that joke when I was opening for Jonathan Katz and I apologized to him for that joke and he said he loved that joke. David Mamet. David Mamet. David Mamet. So you're part Prussian? No, that was three generations ago. That goes back to like the late 19th century. 1847. They came from Prussia, yeah. Were you a Holland Holson? A Holson. The same town that Frederick Engels spent time in at the textile factory there and formulated a lot of his ideas from that with Marx. He was like the Marshall Brickman to Karl Marx's Woody Allen. Right? Marshall Brickman wrote Annie Hall with Woody Allen. Where is he today? What's Marshall doing today? He actually wrote some Broadway play and is doing very well. Why don't you write on musical?  So I wouldn't say something like that. Why don't you just say because you're not talented?  But I wouldn't say that and apply that anybody in musical theater is gay. And that's not that's not fair. No, it isn't. You don't want to do that. No, some of them are gay. You're offended. Right. I don't have a bond to that. But thanks for drawing me into this. What? You were the one who was saying that we should still be bombing Dresden. No, I never said that. You said you never understood why the allies were bombing Dresden and that it would be a good job maker to bomb Dresden again. You just said that. Well, it sounds like a pretty smart thing to say but I never said that. I can't take credit for that. You're reading a book about Dresden. Who wrote it? Yeah, I can't remember. Some German guy. And what book did you read before that? I haven't read in a long time because the spark of life has been snuffed out in my soul. I don't have any desire nor the energy to read fiction any longer. So what about this fist fight with Jimmy Dore? I'm going to get back to that. Can you make it happen? You'll have to contact him yourself over that. I have no control over any of this. I highly advise against it because I think you'd lose just like that. What about a duel? Guns at three paces. Hmm. Would you be my second? Uh, no. I don't want... Hmm? I highly advise against any of this. I'm challenging him to a fight or a duel.  You should lay that to peace and move on to another person because has a woman ever accused you of harassing her? Not to my knowledge because I never... I wouldn't be caught dead listening to one, right? I didn't say that. I never said that. You told me to say that. Why? A fan of women, as you know. They're my third favorite... Hang on, I have a joke. It's gender. Yeah. I just made that up. I made that up. And you stepped on it. I came up with a joke today during the Fresh Books seminar. I was talking about raising millennials and got so bad raising millennials I had to give my daughter a trophy for getting a trophy. You get it? Yes, I do. Millennials are kind of spoiled when they expect everything to fall into their lap. I understand where you're coming from with that one. You spoke at a book forum. No, it was for Fresh Books. No, it was for Fresh Books. It's accounting software. And I was asked to join a panel discussion and talk about freelancing as opposed to having a steady job. It was interesting. You know lots of powerful, talented people in the business. You're never at a loss for work. As a matter of fact, every time you work and find a job, no one hears from you for like 10 or 12 months afterwards. And why do you think that is?  Because you think everybody's going to try to take your job away from you. When all we want to do really is congratulate you and share in your newfound fortune. That's all any comic wants to do, but another comic gets the job. If I'm working full-time, I barely have enough energy to pull my pants down to take a leak. Because I have to sit. Most people unzip their fly to take a leak. I have to pull my entire pants down to take a leak. And why is that?  Well, there are various ways we can go here.  So my pants have to go all the way down to my ankles. That's one way to go. Or I'm so old I can't control all my orifices at the same time. If one opens, they all open. So I have to sit to pee.  I'm not sure anybody listening to this this far who's been able to thank goodness at the occasional laughter. That happens every 10 minutes. I'm bleeding out a stultifying boredom. Why don't you promote your new book? What's it called? It's called Ferris versus Feldman. Oh come on now, be nice. Be nice. No! What's wrong? He's a funny man. Who was your favorite office mate? Did you ever have to share an office with somebody? Yes. That would be a Whitney Brown. Oh wow. I was just thinking about him. He was hilarious. He was always fun. At the school book depository building in Dallas you shared an office with somebody. Yes. My conscience. How much time before tragedy becomes comedy? Five minutes. Who do you think shot them? Who do I think killed Kennedy? Well, I think in all honesty I think that it was probably elements within the CIA and the mafia and the deep dark state that conspired So you believe in the deep state? I believe that there's a deep state that doesn't control America but America can't control it and I think they sometimes I agree. I think they bubble up sometimes. I think it's a narrative well child who can't really harm you but occasionally gets your social security number takes out a credit card and buys a small militia. That's what the deep state is. That's what I think. You know folks what we're doing right now we used to do this in front of a live audience. I agree. We used to do this. Alright my friend you'll come back I got fan mail for you somebody wrote in, hang on like today, hang on. That's good to hear from. Let me read it to you.  Jim Earl where is this I got it today I get so many angry emails here more Earl thank you David for doing the episode on Medicare blah blah blah I really hope to hear more from Jim Earl he's hysterical well that's nice that's very nice they must not have been listening yeah I've got a couple of you should go out to a bar and start drinking again yeah Ray James is in town he wants to go out but I don't have I've had like an hour and a half of sleep did I mention that yeah but keep on doing that Trump gets no sleep too that's true thanks for doing this see in court how do people hear the clutter family get your tweets read morning remembrance and all that good stuff I'm Jim Earl 666 on Twitter just google morning remembrance with you in my name and you'll find the book funny obituaries there's a lot of compromising pictures of me on the internet as well and let's hear your closing your famous closer if you've been drinking please don't drive dead customers not a repeat customer I thought you were going to say see in court I love that hey Jim I'll see you in court what a whore I wish I knew what the joke was I never called a woman that on stage this is a challenge I'm going to look it up yeah it's there I got it you think in the Bay Area in the 80s I would call a woman a whore once again I do not know how to answer one of your questions I'll see you in court tell Jimmy Dore it's up to him pistols, fists or swords but I'm challenging him okay you should have a hard boiled egg contest a meeting contest you know what they said after the boiled egg eating contest what we have here is a failure to defecate because boiled eggs you're listening to highlights from the David Feldman show heard nationwide on Pacifica Radio or as a podcast on iTunes Stitcher and now YouTube please subscribe to this channel for more information go to DavidFeldmanshow.com thank you for listening


So now we're going to practice the drill to practice the timing. So now we have the structure, now we're going to work on the timing. So all your partner is doing is just going to do left and right hooks. I'm going to go boom, boom, clap, boom, boom, clap, just high ones for now, boom. Use the technique. Every time I go into bow stance, I go back to middle, bow, right. So I'm shifting. I'm shifting. A bit. Like that. That's all I'm doing. Okay? So time zone. Shifting. Shifting. Shifting a bit. I always bring my hands back to the middle. Okay? So that's time zone. And there you go. Use your other technique. Do the hook zone. Do the hook zone. Right? Hook zone. Okay? Hook zone. Now you do the hook zone three times. Now you do the fox zone. Fox zone. Right? Fox zone. Okay? Fox zone. And then after you do the fox zone, you do that. You're going to do the beauty, right? Excuse me. Right? Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Okay? So you keep doing that. Pretty simple. All right? And then after you do that, you do the low ones. Right? Gone. Gone. If you want to, don't hurt your partner too much. You can gun like this. It's not the right way of doing it, but one way to do it is to use, turn your hand in. Use the outside as softer for your partner. As you do this, then it becomes an edge. Okay? So you do both. Do a softer one. A softer one. Or you can do the edge. Gun something. Okay? And then he's not going to want to hit hard on this one. All right? Or you can, if he goes for your ribs, then you can do the, the crane, right? He has to solve those. So that's the deal. The drill, make sure they center your hands. What happens a lot is if people do this, you do this, you do this, and then hands go dropped up here or they go out here, and they don't center. So make sure every time you do it, put your hands back together. You can clap. Do the technique. Clap. Make sure that you are shifting into your bow stance. Every time you do it. Shifting. Shifting. Shifting. That's all you're doing. From combat 50-50 to bow stance. Combat bow stance. That's all you're doing. Combine it with that. That's all you're doing. All right? So that's the first drill.