Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the three things men rarely share with women. These are hidden fears. The three things men rarely share with women. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content and if this video resonates with you at any time, please hit that like button. That way more people get notified of it and more people get to see this. Again, if this resonates with you. All right, for those who know me, know that when I do my live videos, I jump right into the content. So, and then if you wanna listen to the Q&A, just as a reminder, if you have a question, simply wait till I get done with the topic part and then post the word question and then write your question. This is the best part of it is the question. So I hope for those that are watching, stick around and listen to the questions. Okay, so, you know, before I start sharing, I wanna say something. A couple of women have said in comments that Jonathan, all you do is complain about women and how they have to do all the work and men don't have to step up. And when I read that, I'm like, I'm a little bit flabbergasted because I'm an equal opportunity judge here and let me just say this. I do encourage women to become empowered because I oftentimes see women give their power away to men. So one of the things, if you're watching my videos, if you go back to watch other videos, my whole premise is to empower, to encourage women to be empowered. Now that's not to say that men shouldn't be stepping up and let me be clear, absolutely men should make effort to step up in the dating, mating and relating process. The problem is very few men have role models and most men are getting bad advice because they're listening to pickup artist coaches and other people that just give men a lot of bad advice. So I encourage you by becoming empowered and then leading by example. So I just wanna distress that in the beginning.  And so those who know me know I wrote a book called What the Heck is Self Love Anyway? And I'll talk about it more in this video. But if you're watching this for the first time, there's a link to my Jonathan recommends books. There's a link to my book. There's a link to my group all in the description. So just check out the description if you wanna find all that content. All right, so let's talk about those three things men rarely share that they're feeling. So I did a post this morning, sharing something very personal in the community section and it was something I shared. And the number one thing, and by the way, let me just say this, this isn't all men. This is just a lot of men share this feeling that I'm about to share, this fear is that I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough.  And it's centered around not feeling like I can be a provider protector. Let me repeat that. It's centering around a feeling that I can't be a provider protector. Now, let me just tell you where this fear stems from.  We got married, bought a house, started a family. I was on that train track and I was definitely the masculine energy, direct to a provider protector. And then when coincidentally at the time I got divorced, I lost my quarter million dollar year job. And then a few years later, the market crash of 2008, I financially got wiped out. I mean, I got wiped out. I had a seven figure nest egg and it was gone in a matter of months. And for those that lived through that know what a terrifying time that was. And for many people, I had many friends that were mortgage brokers making two, three, four, $500,000 a year, literally on the streets depressed. In fact, I was so depressed I was doing drugs. I was drinking heavily and quite frankly, I was serial dating to kind of fill the void that was going on in my life. Now why I share this with you is while I've recovered from that period of time in my life, I've done a tremendous amount of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, which I talk about in my book called What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And for those who know me, I lost my 19 year old son Connor, that's a picture of him there and doing the work ahead of time prepared me for this nightmare experience. And yet still because of all this past trauma, I have a fear that I'll be rejected by women. And many, many, many, many men feel the same way because they may not be able to be a provider protector or there might be some other fear going on inside of them. And why I share this with you is not to necessarily, it's incumbent upon me to work on my fears. It's incumbent upon a man to work on his fears. It's incumbent upon a woman to work on her fears. I'm not here to, you know, absolve anyone of anything. I'm just here to put some light to this. Now, you might think, hey, look, alpha males don't go through this experience and you know, high status men don't go through this experience and high value men don't go through this experience. Let me just tell you, the number one emotional health issue facing almost everyone at a root level is I'm not good enough. And a lot of men mask I'm not good enough by having an outward bravado and out which is mostly focused on their career and their professional life. They hyper focus in that area. In fact, their libido is hyper focused in that area. And while they might have the confidence to be the provider protector, there might be an unconscious subconscious script going on inside of them that drives them. But that doesn't necessarily make them good partners to be in relationship with. So just because someone makes a lot of money has high status might even be perceived as high value doesn't make them any more capable of being in relationship because the real crux to being a good partner in relationship is emotional maturity, emotional maturity. And I recently did a live called the five signs of emotional maturity. I highly recommend you checking that out. It's a live I did just a few within the last two weeks. So scroll through it to find that because quite frankly, even though I have this fear that I'm sharing this publicly, I mean, look it, it's just a facet. It's a fear. It doesn't block me. And yet I still have a fear and I know many of you feel the same way. You have, we all have this internal fear of I'm not good enough on some level and most people just mask it.  All right, so that's the first one. They might not feel good enough. Number two, and I wrote this down. I might be afraid to commit for fear of losing my identity. So what I'm suggesting is a man might be thinking this a fear of commitment because they might fear losing their identity. There's this preconceived notion that when we're committed to another, when we're in a fully committed relationship, we might lose our freedom. And the problem with that is if we start with a premise, and what I mean by freedom is truly our identity and a lot of men block or reject women based on this limiting belief that they lose their identity. Now, that's not to say a lot of men don't lose their identity. I know so many men who have literally lost their identity to their partner. They're literally, I mean, I know guys who are absolute doormats in relationship. Here's the thing, they allow that to happen.  This is a setup for failure. This is a setup for emotional chaos and inner chaos. And again, the reason why I wrote my book, and I just had one of the members in my private group just share with me that she's read the book for a second time and she wants to read it on a regular basis as a reminder that our sovereignty, our self-worth, our self-esteem, our self-reliance, our self-confidence is all predicated on how much we truly love ourselves and not giving our power away to another human being. So as I share this with you, this is true for men and women alike. And one of the things I'm here to put a stop to is this belief that you need someone else to love you for you to feel good about yourself as well as you absolutely can maintain your sovereignty when you're in a healthy, happy relationship. I wonder if I have them this, no, I put that, I threw it away. But I just want you to imagine there's a you, there's a me and then there's a separate entity called a we. And so a person doesn't have, even though they fear giving up their identity, it's just simply a fear because they haven't learned what a true partnership looks like. This is why ladies, I continually talk about this book over and over and over again in my videos. Please purchase the book, Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. So you know, the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And again, scroll to the description. There's a link to all my recommended books called Jonathan Recommend Books. I highly recommend getting that book. So let me just take a sip of coffee.  We gotta let go of these old patterns and limiting beliefs and believe me, even my own fear.   What I mean is paying your bills on time and being responsible in your life as well as emotional maturity because you can have fears. It's okay to have fears, all right?   I'm just aware of my fears.  And if you need some support on that, I highly recommend this book. This is called The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process. This is something I did a couple of years ago. It's a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas so you can break the patterns that many of us have in our life of doing this. You know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And so I'm here to say, if you wanna shift a pattern, you have to get to the root of what's causing it.  You've chosen men who are emotionally unhealthy. This is why when I work with a client, my whole goal is teaching you how to vet for emotionally mature men. So here's my question to you ladies. Do you wanna date 100 men that go nowhere or would you rather narrow it down to three really good prospects and have a good chance of falling in love with one of those guys? If that's what, if you would like that in your life, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And now the third thing that men rarely talk about is hidden fear, centered us around the performance in the bedroom, performance in the bedroom, our ability to please our partner. Now, a 20 year old man, a 30 year old man, doesn't have this fear per se, although many men at this age are taking the blue pill to help them and there's a reason for it. There might be some psychological reason, but as men age, this becomes an important thing that happens. Now, a lot of egoic men, so funny, I've talked to egoic men who just think their shit doesn't stink and they think they're the greatest man in the bedroom because they think they know how to please a partner because these are guys who are really good at pump and dump, okay?  And I'm here to say, yes, at a root basic instinct level, that is sex, but very few men actually know how to make love to a woman too, actually. And I don't mean from the James Bond seduce the woman, I'm talking about really exploring her body from a tantric, from a commissutra perspective, very few men know about this. And one of the things that's because they don't know about it, they actually have a fear around the bedroom and a lot of men don't express this out loud. In fact, they stuff and repress it which is one of the reasons why they also have ED problems but they don't share this. And those guys with ego act so opposite from that and yet most of those guys don't know how to make love anyway. This is why I'm a big proponent of learning Tantra which is a yoga-based experience and learning commissutra and things so you can actually become a better lover and doing it with your partner together. That's what I'm a big proponent of. All right, I shared a lot. It's time for questions. Okay, so just to recap, I'm not feeling good enough. I'm afraid of losing my freedom and I might not feel like I'm good in bed. That's what a lot of men experience but don't share it publicly or privately but that's what's going on in inside. This isn't all men. This is just a large number of men feel this way. All right, so now it's time to take questions. By the way, if you like this content right now please hit that like button. I see a lot of people on right now. I just want others to be able to see it so if you hit that like button more people will get to see this. All right, let's put on the glasses and read what we've got here. All right, let me scroll to the top. Hi, Kim, hi, Christian, hi, Mary Beth, hi, Diana, hi, I am amazing, hi. Angie writes, all excited as I'm meeting a guy for the first time on Friday, online dating thing. Contact, three phone calls, numerous texts, all initiated by him. Feels good not to chase. You know what? I understand the idea. It feels good when the guy is making all the effort. Let me just say this. A lot of men also appreciate when women make the effort when women initiate because this also lets us know that you're interested. So I want you to recognize that making effort is not the same as chasing. Chasing means this. They're running away and you're chasing them. Here's another example. They're making effort, but you're over here so they're making effort, but then they go, well, you're over here, I'm gonna go this way because they don't see you making effort. Ladies, I wanna encourage everyone to look at the dating process as a two-lane street. You're equally making effort in the process of getting to know one another. I know it's great to have the guy do all the work because it feels chivalrous and he'll blame you, but how many times does a guy claimed sex from you but not a relationship? Let me just encourage you. Make effort, commensurate to their effort and you might see different results. It's just a suggestion, Angie. I hope you take it for what it's worth. All right, let's see if we've got any other questions here. Hey Joy, good to see you. Hey Tara, Maria, Maria Didi. Okay, so Maria writes, this explains my husband's actions and depressions. This is a very common thing. So I just wanna say that this is a lot of, by the way, I've had men watch these videos now that I share about insecurities. I've gotten so many emails from men saying, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for expressing this. Ladies, men and women alike have fears. Men and women alike have fears. Ladies, you have lots of fears. Most of your fear is partially predicated on the fact that many of you have adopted the belief system that you need someone else to love you before you love yourself. In other words, before you feel loved. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. The minute you give your power away to a man, this is why I scream at the top of my lungs and some people go, Johnathan, why are you yelling? I'm yelling to be a wakeup call to stop giving your power away.  So I yell. Anyway, so my point is, Marie, it's not uncommon for men to feel that way. So I really appreciate you sharing that. Lisa writes, so are you happily married? I like getting advice who are living happy relationships. So, no, I'm not happily married. I have been married. I've been in happy relationships. I'm here to express a lot of the core wounding and issues that cause a lot of relationships to work out. Listen, I know you can get advice from people who have been happily married. Great, go for it. But here's the challenge with people are happily married. If they're happily married, they're not dealing with the issues that 99% of the population deals with. And it's because I've been through alimony, child support, visitation rights, erectile dysfunction, elderly parents, and worse, I lost a child. Those who know that's a picture of my son, Connor, who passed away. When people have gone through pain and teach from a place of knowing from understanding, rather than living this fantasy life, I think they, and especially who's actively in the dating process right now, I understand what many of you go through because I'm in the boat. Now, why aren't I in, why aren't I in relationship? Part of it is I have a fear of not being good enough. But the other thing is I've been in mourning for the last few years. I've been in deep, now I'm gonna cry. I've been in deep pain over, I didn't just lose my son, I lost my mother few months before him. I've had the, you know, 2018 was a horrific year. And for the last few years, I've been rebuilding my inside out through a lot of personal development work. And this is why I scream at the top of my lungs and express the importance of doing this work. Because it's not about being happily married, it's about being happily married to yourself.  And that's what I'm working on right now. And my partner will come, my partner will come. And it's gonna be a fantastic relationship. I know it's around the corner. So anyways, I'll be candid. I got triggered a little bit when I read that. So I had to kind of defend myself. I don't have to defend myself. Those who follow my work, those of my clients who follow my work are falling in love, getting married, getting engaged. In fact, I have a brand new client who hired me a month ago and we had our first session and, or excuse me, when she hired me, I said, you'll be surprised. The minute you hired me, a great guy will come into your life. And sure enough, the week before our first session, she met a great guy and she can tell the difference. And that's the magic I'd like to think I bring into people's lives. It's not about whether or not I'm happily married. My job is to help you become happily married.  It's so funny. Ladies, you can just lean back and be in your feminine energy all day long. But guess what? If you're not actually engaging in the process, no guy's gonna show up at your doorstep.  It works temporarily.  And I said the effort, right? Most people, the vast majority of the population, many of you on here as well, have done little or no work healing childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas. So yes, you can be in relationship with someone but is it juicy, delicious, happy loving? I'm gonna tell you, when you do personal development work you set yourself up for success. And that's my invitation for many of you. All right, I'm done ranting there. Hey, Jennifer. Jennifer writes, I love the Hoffman process. Thank you, Joy. Let's see. Okay, now we have some questions. All right. Women's right was a mistake. Women just want six foot four Chad Thundercock who presents 2% of the male population. Get real, settle down because most men in the West are already doing so. I don't understand that one. Christian writes, I stayed the night at a hotel with a guy I started dating. The date afterwards he asked me to pay my half of the bill. Do you have a question there? I will say this. If it's someone you don't know, don't make assumptions about any human being. That one, by the way, where's my book? By the way, ladies, buy the book, The Four Agreements. Four Agreements, one of the most important agreements don't make assumptions about people. Just because, and I'm not suggesting what he did was right by making that request of you, but I wanna say I wouldn't have entered into someone's hotel room without asking those questions. That's my suggestion for you. Tara writes, Hey, Tara, where is the line from which a woman's point of view of understanding this is where men struggle and encouraging them to grow versus being a victim of it. Love this question. So I just shared with you my feeling of not good enough. Now I don't share that from the premise of victim consciousness. A victim consciousness is blaming everyone else. He blames women. He blames his job. He blames the government. He blames everybody in their life. A victim complains and blames, okay? Brené Brown says the most courageous thing a person can do in their life is to be vulnerable. That's the most courageous thing to do. So when I shared my insecurity with you, I don't share it from a place of victim consciousness. If I did, if I blamed everyone else, then I wouldn't be investing in that person. That's not to say, by the way, ladies, let me just say something. I can take care of myself. I can pay for dates. I mean, I live at the beach. I drive a sports car. I do well for myself. I'm just telling you a fear that had based on a trauma that myself and many men have either feeling or have felt, okay? The difference is victim consciousness blames and complains and a true emotionally healthy, I just spit an emotionally healthy person comes from a place of expressing with the intent of healing. So it's not your job, ladies, to enable or heal a man. It's not your job. And believe me, you can waste up to 5.6 years of your life waiting for a guy to grow up because it takes the average man through mid-life crisis of a decade to get out of the tunnel. Where's my book? Oh, I didn't bring that book. Those who are familiar with Alison Armstrong's work, the Queens Code talks about men that go through the tunnel. This is also known as mid-life crisis. By the way, women go through this as well. And so it can take 10, 15 years to get through the tunnel. It's not your job to enable someone while they're in the tunnel.   Tara, I hope I answered your question giving you a big hug. Kim writes, I know a man that is an overgiver and loses himself to her. So he's giving away his power. I've recommended your videos. Thank you, Kim. Not a question, but what are your thoughts on this? Christian, I don't know what you're asking. Question, why are there some men who are in their late 40s and 50s never married, red flag? Okay, I have a question for you, Jennifer. Is a person who's married and divorced not also a red flag? Because what's the difference? Okay, so what's the difference? One made a commitment and couldn't make it work out. Another has yet to make a commitment, okay? Which one is, I mean, where are we putting the red flag? Because is a divorce any more red flag than someone who's never been married? Here's the deal. I have a dear friend of mine. He got married at 45 and ended up having two children before he was age 50. Some people take longer. A lot of people take time to do the work on themselves, and yet they've also had relationship on the way. And I guess my question is, if a woman is 40 and 50 and she's never been married, is it a red flag? The red flag merely means ask more questions. Everybody, write this down. Red flags mean ask more questions. So if someone's never been married, you may wanna, what if they've had a 10-year relationship with one person and a five-year relationship with another person, that demonstrates a level of commitment. Now, if they've had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, relationships, they've had nothing but just an abundance of relationships, that's a red flag. The never married simply might mean find out what their past relationship history is. And let me just say this. Just because someone's been married in a divorce doesn't make them any more qualified to be in a relationship than the person that's never been married. That's my two cents, anyway. Rita, how do you diplomatically ascertain this? I don't know what we're ascertaining. Joy writes, when is the best time in relationship to express any fears we do have? As they come up or right up front, I don't wanna dump everything at once. I think there's certainly, you don't wanna vomit everything on a first date. You don't wanna vomit everything on the second date. You don't wanna vomit everything on the third date. I use the expression of vomiting, getting it all out. I can tell you that I've gone on a date with woman and expressed my angst over what happened with my son. Okay, I've expressed my angst over it. I've expressed my pain over it. I don't do that with just everybody. I do it when I feel safe. So my feeling is this, as you build familiar, if it's, okay, let me ask you this. If it's paramount to the relationship, then I do believe it's important to express it sooner rather than later. For example, if someone has a STD, certainly do it well before you have sex, okay? That's not a fear. That's just, it's paramount to the relationship. If your fear is paramount to the relationship, I think it's important to address them before you become too physically intimate with another human being. Now, some people operate from the different premise. Hook them sexually because then they're hooked sexually and then you can express all your fears, but quite frankly, I don't believe in hooking someone sexually, okay? I've listened to coaches tell women this and I'm flabbergasted at this. I do believe if it's material to the relationship, it's important to bring it sooner rather than later. Timing is an individual thing and that's my opinion on that. Thank you, Joy. PSI, thank you so much. Rita, if the man you are contemplating becomes intimate has no STDs. Good. Rita, if you have a question, write it and then ask a question so that I know what you're talking about. Okay. All right. Thank you, Rosa. Hugs from Texas. Okay, God bless you. Okay, let me see if there's a question. By the way, if you have a question, write the word question and then post the question. By the way, if this is resonating you, please hit that like button. I'd really appreciate it. All right, Linda, right. Oh, Jennifer. Hey, Jennifer. Jennifer writes, love expressing with the intent of healing, so important. Thank you. Kelly writes, Hi, Jonathan, great topic. Glad it's important to you to be with a, it's important to you to be a provider protector. Many guys don't feel that's important. Most important to me is providing and protecting emotionally and spiritually. You know, a lot of men today have been so burned, or let me reframe that, feel like they've been so burned in past relationships that they've actually gone the other direction. In fact, there's a whole group of men called MiGTown, men going their own way because they don't want to be the provider protector in relationship. Okay, I grew up of the baby boom, you know, the tail end of the baby boom beginning of the Gen X experience, and we were so conditioned on the whole provider protector. I would say the current generation growing up is operating a lot differently. However, so many men after going divorce, it's like this when it comes to the idea of being a provider protector because they might have been so burned in their marriage and then they were raked over the coals. Now, these men still want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, and they might chase, hunt and pursue it and might use lots of romance and money to persuade you, but that doesn't mean that they're ready for a healthy, happy relationship. So, one of the things I think is a good question is ask someone, what's your greatest fear around relationship? This is the first time I've ever recommended telling, this is the first time I've suggested to women to ask this question. Ladies, this is brand new, so I want you to do this.   Now, a lot of guys might deflect it, some guys might vomit, but most guys will actually, most men, a lot of men, let me just say, might give you a valid, honest answer and then you can have a real juicy, delicious discussion if it's something that's not so overwhelming because real deep conversations actually happen not from the surface, how's it going? How's your day? What's your day like? I hope you have a good day. Did you have a good day? I hope your day is really good.  All they're doing is, how's your day? How's your day going? Is your day good? I hope you have a good day. Sweet dreams, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  That is those topics actually provide the greatest amount of connectivity when two humans can actually talk about fears and insecurities, not from a place of victimhood. Remember I talked about that? And a lot of people will vomit their victimhood. We are suckling on the nipple of victimhood here in the United States.  The news is nothing but victim consciousness. Social media is nothing but victim consciousness. And I want to encourage everyone to come at it from a victor consciousness. This is why I recommend all these books. Where's this one?  Breaking your Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza. Anybody who wants to grow in their life, please do me a favor, read this book and then follow up with this book. I only have the CD version. Get Marianne Williamson's Return to Love. Oh my God.  I know I'm going on a rant, so please forgive me. I hope I'm answering your question at the same time. But Kelly, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. All right. Linda Wright, how do you support a man that has those fears? I know it's his work to deal with. I've learned not to try to heal him. Let's presume it's a man that knows his fears. Well, you know what? I think the best way to support another human being is just to listen, to just say, I understand. You don't have to solve the problem for him unless someone asks. So let me tell you a technique my ex-girlfriend and I used to do. So whenever, okay, so ladies, if you've never seen the video, it's all about the nail. Do me a favor. Someone, as they're listening to this, do a search on YouTube. It's called All About the Nail. Will someone put it in that video in the live chat or in the comment section if you're watching this later? Okay. This is an example of how when a woman shares her problems to a man, men try to fix it. We just inherently, because we don't want you to have problems. We just want everything to be happy, okay? So there's two types of things that are better, man or woman alike. We either want support or help in our life or we just want someone to listen. So my ex-girlfriend and I used to do the following. If there was a time she just wanted me to listen, she would say to me, and by the way, I stole this from Allison Armstrong, okay? Allison Armstrong is a wonderful coach out there helping women understand men. So you can Google her, it's called the Queen's Code. But so I'm gonna steal a quote that we took from her. So my ex-girlfriend would say, hey, Jonathan, I need you to hold the basket. I need you to hold the basket.   Hold the basket. The other thing she would say to me is, hey, Jonathan, I need to process something with you. What that meant was she had to share something that came up and then wanted my advice and support based on what I share. So A, I need you to hold the basket, I just need you to listen, or B, I need you to process. I'm encouraging women that if you're in relationship with a guy, if you guys are having regular sex and seeing each other on a regular basis, begin a process of setting up the communication to be a healthier way. This is why I'm such a big proponent, ladies, of reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Again, the links to Jonathan Books is in the description. This is a, it should have been called Compassionate Communication. Because when you can learn Compassionate Communication, you're gonna be setting up your relationship for much greater success when you come at it from a healthy communication, by the way, ladies, every one of you say to me over and over, the most important thing in relationship is communication.  Oh my God. I was watching, there's a show on showtime called Couples Therapy. And this is real couples therapy with a hidden camera.  This is real therapy session. I can tell you the women in the group have just as much problem expressing themselves as the men do. That's why the therapist is deciphering what you're saying and then regurgitating it. So ladies that you think you're so great at communication, you're no better than men. I'll be candid with you.  By the way, men think they're great at communication. Let me just say this. Oh, now men are good at expressing their logical sense, but they're terrible at expressing their emotional feelings. Most men actually struggle expressing themselves from emotional perspective. Doesn't make them bad guys, just makes them human. Just like women are terrible at expressing their emotions because women oftentimes vomit their emotions. So use the techniques, read the books I recommend. All right, let's go on. Thank you, Linda. Hazel writes, in psychology they said that a man never married could be a red flag, but I think that is a lack of experience with partnership or simply enjoyed life for themselves. That's sure that I would agree with. Jennifer, red flag means ask more questions. Correct. All right, Casey writes, what to consider when a guy you dated once comes back after ghosting? What to consider when a guy you dated once comes back? So let's define what is ghosting? He went on one date and he never called you on a second date. Is that ghosting or is that he just chose not to ask you out again? I wanna differentiate the two because ghosting is you're in a continual relationship with someone and they disappear. That's what ghosting is. Man asks you out on date. Have a good time, never calls you again. That's not ghosting, okay? That's just not telling you because here's the awkward thing. How do you call someone and say, hey, Casey, I just wanna let you know, I don't wanna ask you out on another date.    Some people have the courage to do that. Some people don't. It's not ghosting, okay? Now, what do you do when it comes back? What do you, my question is, what do you wanna do? What do you wanna do? Do you wanna go out with them? Go out with them.   You don't have to worry about, don't focus on what the, by the way, I know all my videos are focused about the men, but what I'm teaching you in every single video is to be empowered with yourself. This is why, again, please buy my book, what the heck is self love anyway? Lady, stop giving your power away to men. If this is resonating with you, please hit the like button. Please hit that like button. Thank you so much.  We have so many children in relationship today. Men and women alike, it's time to become an adult in a relationship by learning all this stuff. And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs to encourage this. All right. Hi. Rita writes, how do you diplomatically ask if your guy has any STDs? Great question. How do you ask a guy if you have any STDs? It's simple. Hey, Jonathan, do you have any STDs? You just ask. I mean, you don't need to be diplomatic. You just ask. I mean, this is your body. You have every right before.  There's no, you don't need to be diplomatic. You just need to say it. Again, my book, first chapter, Speak Your Truth. Just do it with kindness.  I'm worried about cooties. I just wanna know, do you have any STDs? And would you be okay if we both get STD tests before we are intimate with each other? Is it simple? Sorry if I act a little condescending, Rita, I apologize. Jennifer writes, I'm asking that question on my next date, which is next week. I'll let you know. Good. What's your greatest fear? That's the one about greatest fair-around relationship. Jennifer writes, all of the above, heroin and life, not a victim. Yes. Oh, shoot. Where is this going? Oh. All right, do we have any more? Again, if you have a question, post a question. Turn off the news. I did that last May. I know I should turn off the news too. Okay, women's rights was a mistake. Equal rights means equal fights, ladies. Okay, someone here believes that. I have a simpler way of expressing how I feel about, it's treating people kindly, compassionately, caringly. If that means, whether you're a man or woman, that's the way I operate. Just treat someone with kindness, compassion and care, okay? And if it's someone who's toxic in your life, then treat them with boundaries, okay? It's as simple as that. It's not about equality from the perspective. It's all about treating someone kindly, fairly, lovingly. That's all I care about. I don't care. If you feel like it's about rights, I'm not here to discuss rights. I'm here to discuss treating people with respect. Not everyone deserves your respect, and that's why we put boundaries up, okay? But I certainly operate from that premise men and women alike can treat people that way. If you choose to or not, that's my invitation for you. What if a guy isn't open to reading books or fights the process, deal breaker? Great question.  How about making pay for it by reading lots of books, okay? And what I mean to say is this book is designed, the reason why it's called Eight Dates. It's eight unique dates to talk about the important things of relationship. You know, it's interesting. When I got married, the pastor made us go through marriage counseling, okay? We had to go through marriage counseling. So we knew what we were getting into. Well, nowadays, here's the bottom line.  Multiple dating has caused one of the number one emotional health issues facing everyone. Let me repeat this, multiple dating, multiple relationships has caused the number one emotional health issue. That is, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. It has war on people's psyche.  Women get hugely attached. So one of the things I highly recommend before, as I say this continually, before the penis gets to go inside the vagina, ask a lot of grown up questions, grown up questions. This is what I teach in my private coaching. Again, if you wanna link, check out the link below to my private coaching.  If this is resonating with you, please hit that like button. I want to know that this is resonating. So please hit that like button. And why I share this with you is it's, if a guy is resistant, where else is he gonna be resistant? Okay, if someone is against it or resistant, let me tell you something. If you have problems in your relationship and you say, hey, let's go to therapy to heal it, no, no, no, I don't need that.  You know what? That's not a red flag. That's a deal breaker. It's not a red flag. It's a deal breaker in my book. And I invite you to make it a deal breaker in your book. If someone's not willing to educate themselves.  And it's a fun thing to do together. If people aren't, by the way, I get a lot of complaints. Jonathan, all you do is recommend books.  If you're not, by the way, that was really mean of what I just said. And let me tell you why I'm saying it. If you're not willing to invest in yourself, stop expecting magic fairy dust to suddenly come and solve all your problems. It is through work. By the way, when relationships say they say it takes work to people, it's not the work of the other person. It's the work on yourself. That's the work. Okay, I'm done yelling. Does everyone get my point? If you're getting my point, please hit that like button. All right. What is your position? Corey writes, what's your position on dating a separated man in the process of divorce? What's, I was gonna make a joke about my patient. My position is doggy style. No. Okay, I wanna tell a little story. So shortly after my divorce, I was online dating and I put down separated and I reached out to a woman and she said, thank you. So my profile said separated and she wrote, this was five months in. And she said, thank you for writing me, Jonathan. You have a great profile. Reach out to me when you've been divorced for 18 to 24 months and you've had one to two transition girlfriends. And I'm like, what do you mean by that? And I go, I wasn't in a happy marriage. I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready for a relationship. She goes, well, I'm not going out with you. Sure enough, two years later, I took two years for my divorce to end, but two years of being legally separated, but I mean, we were apart from each other. I had two transition relationships and then that woman, I saw her back on match.com and I wrote her and I said, oh my God, thank you so much for what you shared because you were absolutely right. It took me a good two years to unravel the tapestry of the divorce.  I was a train wreck for 10 years after my divorce. I mean, like I said, I did drugs, I did alcohol, I was serial dating, I was a train wreck.  So here's the thing, my question Corey, flip a coin. No, not flip a coin, roll, take five dice, pick one number and then roll that. That's your chances of that working out. It's five to one, it's not even five to one, it's 30 to one, is my guess. Joy writes to Corey, wait till the divorce is final. Jennifer, I went on a first date with a man who made fun of therapy. He's 53, never married, red flag, which is why he's single. Well, actually again, that's a deal breaker probably.  He's a sweetheart and total gentleman, but I feel as if I don't know his true self and I really want to, any advice? Amy, I love this question. Ladies, the best relationships are the relationships when you're with your best friend. My mother and father who were married for 66 years, they were best friends with each other. The real challenge with dating today is most people aren't developing a deep friendship with one another.  This is why, here's my suggestion for that relationship. Read this book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This is my Bible, if there was such a thing. This book is by far my favorite book ever on the planet.   If you want to change the dynamic in your relationship, start reading this book together and talk about what's in the book. If you want to develop a friendship, talk about what's in these books I recommend because that's where you can get into the deeper rooted stuff of trust. And if you need more support, that's what I teach in my private coaching, how to build the roots to trust because when you're truly trusting with someone, you're able to reveal yourself. You're able to be more open, authentic, vulnerable and transparent. And that's what I want everyone to lean into.  I'm all about leaning in. Lean into your sovereignty. All right, thank you, Corey. And thank you, Amy. Jennifer, it was a deal breaker yet he tried to ask me out again. I ignored him. Okay, yes, friendship is important. Jonathan, the books are the right approach. I suggested he dates to a man in a long distance relationship. He agreed. The second visit, it sat on the table for five days with no action. I broke up with him after, not serious. You know what? Okay, I'm gonna be wrapping up not too far soon. Ladies, I can't tell you how many women have listened to my advice, bought this book. This book, well, they bought this book first. Everybody buy this book. Look it, by the way, I pitch my book in every video. I make three dollars. It's not like I'm becoming, you know, it's not like I'm selling a million a day. I sell three a day, okay? It's make 10 bucks. But I'm grateful for it. Don't get me wrong. But my point is, I've had women who have bought two copies of this book and they gave one to the man that they're dating. And I can't tell you email after email after email after email I'm getting from women saying thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Jonathan. Because now you're having deeper, richer conversations with men. Look it, I know you can date all those alpha males, those men that are chivalrous and they blah, blah, blah. But here's the thing, a real guy, let me refrain that. Your guy, the right guy for you, wants to lean into developing a partnership with you. That's the guy I'm encouraging you to date and I'm encouraging you to choose men who are gonna lead into partnership instead of getting their rocks off. And the problem is, if you're not familiar with Esther Perrell's work, mating and captivity. She calls, the most common phenomena today is casual relationships. This is companionship, connection, and sex. It's called stable, well, she calls it stable ambiguity, I call it casual relationships. The vast majority of you are in casual relationships. And the reason why she calls it stable ambiguity, it's because it's monogamous and exclusive, the ambiguous part is, you're not in a committed relationship with one another that's leading to something. Stop choosing those types of relationship, ladies. My intation for you is to stand up and be in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Stop giving the job to the man. I know a lot of arrogant men want to be, they want, listen, a lot of arrogant men want to be a patriarchal society. It's them and then you. But trust me, those relationships aren't very happy. The happiest relationships are the relationships where it's a two lane street. You're both equally investing into each other. It's not a one up, one down. A lot of guys are getting such bad advice. They're being told treat women like second class citizens today.  I want you to encourage you not to choose those men who are arrogant, entitled, alpha types that all they care about themselves.  Kara writes, dear Jonathan, I was married to my best friend for almost 15 years but we were that, just soul friends. We had no passion to our marriage. I was so frustrated. So I asked for a divorce. Hey, you know what? My favorite, there's a quote. I love the quote, friendship on fire, friendship on fire. Here's the thing. When I talk about a juicy, delicious relationship, when I say it, and a lot of people joke at me because I say that.  It should be juicy. It should be delicious. It should be best friends who wanna fuck. Write that down. Best friends that wanna fuck. And I don't mean friends with benefits. I'm talking about a great romantic relationships or best friends who wanna fuck, okay? And committed to one another, not friends with benefits. All right, I think you know where I'm going with all this. Hey, listen, I wanna thank you all so much for the love and support you've given me. I'm wrapped up on the question. So thanks for all those that are posting. I wanna thank you all the love and support you've given me. Many of you have supported me on my journey, especially with my son. I can't begin to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. All of my work, referring this to other people, please share this video if you like it. Check my podcast, The What Would Love Do podcast. And if you want individualized support, check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you or join my membership group called Midlife Love Mastery. There's a link below there as well. Check out the books I recommend. Ladies, I have one mission in my life. Well, I got many missions. Let me backtrack. One of my passions in my life is to encourage everyone to take on the journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work and to invest at least 15 minutes to an hour a day in yourself because when you shore up your foundation, you're prepared to actually attract a great partner in your life and that's what I want for everyone, not just women, men alike too. And that's my invitation. Do the work and watch the magic happen. I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to be in your screens today. And those who know me know I like to do the following.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thank you so much. I wanna thank Kim and Jennifer and Kelly and Leif and Cara and Joy and Barbara and Diana and Maria. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. This has been a blast to be in your lives today. Wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks, bye-bye now.


How's it going everybody? Dato Doi here with another Dragon Ball Fighters video. But this one's going to be a little different as it's been over a year since I first laid my eyes on this image. This was actually the first time I saw Dragon Ball Fighters leaked in any way. Obviously the game didn't have its title quite yet, but this image did show off a lot of things that made me crazy excited for it. 2.5D traditional fighting game arc system works.  Because at the time quite frankly a lot of things were just bumming me out. I didn't enjoy Street Fighter 5 as much as I thought I was going to and the footage of MVCI just really bummed me out as somebody that really enjoyed the Marvel experience. In fact it's actually kind of funny the only fighting game I was really playing back then was Guilty Gear, so that only really added to the excitement of seeing my favorite franchise be tackled in such a way. Of course even though I was excited I kind of thought in the back of my head that it all sounded a bit too good to be true. There was simply no way a game this perfect for me would ever actually exist. Luckily though I was proven wrong at E3 when they showed it off during the Xbox press conference, I must have watched that trailer at least 100 times. It was just that exciting. After that I was pretty much done. All I wanted to do was wait for Dragon Ball Fighters, talk about Dragon Ball Fighters, and you can imagine that would get pretty annoying for my friend so I just decided to make a YouTube channel where I would talk about the game extensively. By the way welcome this is uh this is that channel. Anyway once the game got into its open beta state I played it and really enjoyed it. So I started to make daily videos for it and that leads us all the way up to where we are now more than a year of time has passed which is just crazy to say. And it's because it's been so long that I decided to do a video like this where I would talk about Dragon Ball Fighters, how the game has evolved over the course of its lifespan, where I think the game is right now, and where I think it's going to be in a couple of months down the line. This is also going to involve things I thought the game did really well and areas that I think could be expanded upon to make it a better experience. So let's start with that first topic of how the game evolved over the course of its lifespan. During the first few weeks after the initial release a common complaint levied at Dragon Ball Fighters was that the cast was a little too homogenized and the depth of the game was overall a little lacking. After those initial couple of weeks though individual character tech did start to take off, more things were being discovered for characters giving them more nuance and thus more depth was added to the overall game. Still to this day Dragon Ball Fighters is not the hardest game to learn by any stretch of the imagination and some of the cast members still definitely feel super similar to one another. There's a lot of Goku's in this game, there's a lot of Vegeta's, and you really have to work hard at making character gimmicks unique to each one of them if you want to avoid this type of homogenization. But Dragon Ball Fighters didn't really do this to the best of their ability, so you're always going to have some samey feelings here and there. But again I do want to specify that over time each character kind of got into their own role, so Krillin does not play anything like Yamcha for example. After those initial complaints Dragon Ball Fighters really didn't receive too much criticism other than the fact that the game overall is very offensive and there isn't too many defensive mechanics which is still very much the case to this day even with some buffed guard cancel stuff here and there. Though I think at this point the developers have made themselves clear that Dragon Ball Fighters is just meant to be a more offensive based game and I think those that enjoy that type of game are definitely going to feel more at home here. Keeping that in mind though a couple months later we ran into some really rough meta problems where a lot of the pros were picking very similar characters. Super Saiyan Vegeta's assist was just super good, Cell overall as a character was just kind of completely nuts and we started to see a lot of samey teams at a high level. Thankfully though this was around the time the game got patched, shifting up some things a little bit, Vegeta's assist wasn't quite as good anymore, Cell was still pretty much the same but other characters had gotten options taken away from them. Android 16 lost his crazy level 3 post wake up oki and another big part of the patch was just that because of it people start experimenting with different characters. This was around the time that people actually started looking at go tanks, piccolo started getting picked up and played a little more, TN etc etc it basically led to a healthier meta overall and this process pretty much continued over the course of Dragon Ball Fighters first year. We got new DLC characters along the way, some more fun than others, Bardock and Broly for example, definitely a more fun pair than base Goku and base Vegeta but overall things were going very smooth during this time. A couple of different patches were put out, pros were experimenting with characters more and it was just a really fun time to watch and play the game. EVO came around and Dragon Ball Fighters was a Sunday game breaking viewership records for the tournament. This is also where we got another video for base Goku and base Vegeta as well as a teaser for cooler and later on down the line 17. Unfortunately though after EVO there was not a lot of content for Dragon Ball Fighters to show off to the casual players even though we were still a couple of months away from the Dragon Ball Fighters World Tour finals in January. This led to a super long drought period for the game where big content like characters just simply weren't being added or even teased for that matter. We were kind of in the dark if Dragon Ball Fighters would even receive a Season 2 at all but for those that did stick around through the wait we did get a pretty fantastic tournament in the Dragon Ball Fighters World Tour finals where it was revealed that Jiren and Videl would be joining the game along with four other unknown characters in the Season 2 pass for Dragon Ball Fighters. They actually revealed that two of the other fighters were Gojita Blue and Dragon Ball Super Broly and that pretty much catches you up to date with Dragon Ball Fighters. We got Jiren and Videl in January as well as an announcement for Dragon Ball Fighters World Tour Season 2. Unfortunately though all of that was announced a month ago and it seems we're in another dry period for news. And that brings us nicely into our second talking point where will Dragon Ball Fighters be in a few months. Just recently the people that run the EVO tournament put out their annual stream announcing which games were going to be a part of the main lineup. Dragon Ball Fighters did in fact make it securing the game a spot at Evolution 2019 but unfortunately it is a Saturday game this time meaning it's not going to be along with the other big dogs like Street Fighter V and Tekken 7. We don't entirely know why this decision was made Dragon Ball Fighters like I said broke viewership records. It could be that they want to do another television deal for EVO like they did a couple years ago but that's still unknown. It could just be a decision they made because it they thought it would be the best for the tournament. Over the past couple of weeks Mr. Wizard has also been putting out charts showing which games were in the lead in terms of people registering to compete at EVO for them and Dragon Ball Fighters came in near the bottom of the list. And even though these are just numbers for early registration this does show that Dragon Ball Fighters may be waning in the eyes of some players. Perhaps what the game needs is a big patch reorganizing the tier list and shaking things up to get players interested again. But they haven't announced any plans to do anything of the sort that's just something I think they should do to get people more excited. Regardless though it seems that for the next couple of months until the next DLC character gets teased in either a V Jump or for one of the streams they hold in Japan Dragon Ball Fighters will probably be once again in another slow period in terms of content. Whether or not the game will bounce back in time to get people more excited in registering for big tournaments is unknown. I saw recently the JM Cross did a video on if Fighters is dying or not and I definitely think you guys should go give it a watch. I definitely agree with some of the points he made. It's just a really weird time for Fighters right now. But that's pretty much all I have to say on where Fighters will be in the next coming months. Honestly I think as long as they show off Gojita Blue and Broly in time and tell people to go register for EVO if they get excited the game will probably still do relatively well. Up to that though it's going to be up to Bandai Namco and ArcSys to see if they're going to keep producing content for Dragon Ball Fighters or move on to either other games or maybe a Dragon Ball Fighters too. For now though let's talk about the things that I think Fighters does super well and then we'll get into some of the stuff that I'm not too crazy about. Up first we have to talk about the visuals of the game. Of course we'll keep it brief because this one kind of speaks for itself. Dragon Ball Fighters just looks so good. It captures the visual aesthetic from the show and it does it flawlessly. This of course makes it easy for spectators to really get in on the action. Even without knowing too much about fighting games it just kind of looks like an episode of the show. Another thing I think Dragon Ball Fighters really nails is the accessibility. I made an entire video on this topic how I feel Dragon Ball Fighters nails it but to keep it brief I think the game systems create a dynamic learning curve for new players to incrementally learn important parts of the game. If they throw out a key blast and get punished because the opponent super dashed through it then they'll learn how to punish super dash and they'll learn that they should play neutral and through learning neutral they'll learn when they can put on offense etc. Having an easy to understand learning curve makes it super easy for people new to the genre to pick up and play and get to a place where they can really be happy with the progress they've made. And one thing that I'm mixed on in Dragon Ball Fighters is the implementation of the 3v3 combat system. For the most part it's implemented decently well. It does a good job of allowing you to really create a team that's your own by using their assist and how they DHC into each other but I can't help but feel like the system is being held back by only allowing one assist per character and not having that assist be a unique move for the character. To explain this a little more Super Saiyan Vegeta's assist isn't a unique move just for his assist it's just him using a normal move that he can use in his kit. If this was just used sometimes across the cast I would feel differently about it but it's used for literally every character making it just a guessing game of oh will he have a beam assist or oh will that move be his assist no we should get a unique assist for every character and maybe even two unique assists for every character that's kind of asking a lot and definitely something they should look at if they're going to do a sequel to this game ever but yes my feelings on the implementation of the 3v3 part of this game is kind of mixed. Some other things that I feel the game does overall pretty poorly is the story mode of the game. Now I don't think story modes are necessary for a good fighting game and you can get by on just a really interesting arcade mode Dragon Ball FighterZ doesn't have that either but you should never make something a part of your game if you aren't going to go all the way with it. Having a story mode and making it bad is just not a great decision and Dragon Ball FighterZ story is unfortunately super bland. Admittedly though there are cool moments in between the characters and they do have some unique cutscenes but you can tell where the interest lies in the player base when you look up videos like TN Roast Cell or Yamcha gets roasted by 18 but if you look up somebody's playthrough of Dragon Ball FighterZ overall story mode yeah that's probably not going to bring in the clicks. It's simply too stretched out and too boring and if they're going to do this in a future sequel or if they ever want to improve this in a different fighting game I would either say just cut it make it harder or at least give more branching pass and make the fights mean something instead of just going up against an evil version of the characters. Another area where I feel Dragon Ball FighterZ fails is in punishing rage quitting. This is something that drives all players of all skill levels up the wall. Punishing rage quitters by only giving them a purple name is not suitable option. You should just give points to the people that win and take away points from the people that rage quit. And the final thing that I think Dragon Ball FighterZ can really benefit from is communication. Bandai Namco's Twitter really really tries and I appreciate Bandai Namco's Twitter but Dragon Ball FighterZ could really use a Twitter of its own or maybe even a system in game that announces new material is coming up talks to the player base asks the player base how they're feeling about certain things just some bare minimum communication skills. During that painful drought for Dragon Ball FighterZ news it could have all been made better by a simple tweet saying hey guys more Dragon Ball FighterZ is on the way stay tuned. Or even just tweets like yes we are aware of this kind of stuff and our team is working on adding new content and a balance patch. Simple things like that would go a long way in making sure that the community doesn't feel like the game is just being silenced during these long periods in between content. This is the area I would most like Dragon Ball FighterZ to improve on especially if the DLC is only going to get more spaced out. But that's pretty much all I have to say in this video. This is definitely my favorite Dragon Ball game of all time my favorite fighting game of all time and my favorite game of all time so yeah that kind of makes the other two obsolete but still it's a really really good game. Let me know down below in the comments what your story with Dragon Ball FighterZ is and how you think the game is going to progress over the next coming months and while you're down there make sure to leave a like and subscribe to the channel if you enjoyed the video. Speaking of videos there should be some up on your screen so if you want to check out me actually playing this game or other fighting games you can feel free to do so by clicking on any one of those videos. Other than that though thank you so much for watching this video and for sticking with me on this very very long journey that it has been nothing but a blast. I'm Dr. Doia and I will see you guys in the next one.


This video is brought to you by Wix. Head on over to wix.com slash go slash polyphonic to check it out today. If it's December, chances are you're hearing this pretty much daily. With its cautious, bouncy rhythm and twinkling melody, Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy has become synonymous with Christmas time for many. It's been used in everything from Fantasia to The Simpsons and been covered by everyone from Duke Ellington to Pentatonix. It's the kind of piece that's just become embedded in the Christmas season. But what does it mean and how did it get so popular? Let's take a closer look. The story of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy starts not with Tchaikovsky but with a man named Auguste Moussel. Moussel was a Parisian organ maker and in 1886 he invented an instrument known as a celesta. Though it was roughly the size and shape of an organ, the celesta is actually quite a different instrument. Instead of pipes, the celesta uses metal bars. Hammers connected to the keys hit these bars and create an unmistakable twinkling sound, bright and magical. In fact, the name of the instrument even means heavenly. So perhaps it's no surprise that in the century since its creation, the celesta has been a go-to for composers who want to create something magical. That's why John Williams turned to it when he wanted to score Hedwig's theme, the most iconic piece from the Harry Potter soundtrack. Long before Williams in 1891, Tchaikovsky took a trip to Paris. While there, he heard Moussel's instrument and was instantly enchanted. He would write that the instrument had a divinely wonderful sound and he decided that he had to have one. He encouraged his publisher to buy it for him and brought it to Russia where he kept it under wraps working on his music. You see, Tchaikovsky wanted to be the first to show off this wonderful instrument in Russia, and he had the perfect piece to do just that. He had been developing a ballet adaptation of The Nutcracker and the Mouse King, a story originally written by ETA Hoffman and then adapted by Alexandre Dumas. Set on Christmas Eve, that story is about a young girl who is whisked away to a magical fantasy kingdom by her toy nutcrackers. In the ballet, this fantasy journey takes up the second act and is represented by a number of dances based on sweets from around the world. And the Kingdom of Sweets is ruled by the Sugar Plum Fairy. Upon hearing the salastra, Tchaikovsky knew that its magical sound would be a perfect representation for his Sugar Plum Fairy. It was sweet and twinkling but had a mystical sound to it as well. And with this sound, Tchaikovsky was able to write a beautiful melody, one that enchanted and enraptured, capturing the innocence and charm of childish adventure. And so in 1892, at St. Petersburg's Marinsky Theatre, Tchaikovsky debuted his work and showed the celesta to the world. And the results were mixed. Some praised it like we do today, but many critics thought it was childish or foolish. Some were surprised to find that the great Tchaikovsky had scored this ballet, thinking it had an embarrassment in the catalog of one of the greatest composers of the day. So how did this go from an embarrassment to one of the most frequently performed ballets of all time? It's hard to say exactly. Pieces of the ballet began to spread around Europe after the Russian Revolution, when many dancers fled Russia. They brought with them memories of their works, including the Nutcracker. And so some pieces saw performances here and there, and you have to imagine that the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy was chief among these. For many it's the most memorable part of the ballet. The celesta melody is an instant earworm. And then through one means or another, the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy found its way into Disney's ears. Disney animator Art Babbit made a scene around various selections from the Nutcracker Ballet in the 1940 film Fantasia. That movie was a roaring success, bringing many classical pieces to the mainstream eye once more. And perhaps it's because of this renewed attention that choreographer George Balanchine decided to do his own staging of the Nutcracker in 1954. That staging was a massive hit in the United States, but it featured a few key changes from the original. Most notably, the leading roles in Balanchine's version are danced by children. By providing choreography for children, Balanchine made the Nutcracker the first piece that many aspiring ballerinas would dance when they were growing up. From there it wasn't a stretch for the piece to become a holiday classic. Parents got to see their children dance in a magical whimsical ballet that was an easy fit to the Christmas season. As annual Nutcracker performances became tradition, the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy came more and more into the public eye. While the entire Nutcracker is phenomenal and other pieces have become holiday season regulars, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy is the clear standout. It captures so much of the magic of Christmas.  It was a long journey from an organ shop in Paris to ballet stages worldwide, but the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy has become a Christmas classic for a good reason. And chances are as long as snow continues to fall, you'll hear the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy come Christmas time. It was great for Tchaikovsky that he could keep the Celesta under wraps, but that probably wasn't the best for Moustelle's organ making business. He had a great product and no way to show it to the world. If only Moustelle had lived in the time of Wix, Wix is a powerful web building tool that allows you to create your own professional website solution. Moustelle could have used their e-commerce functionality to sell his Celestas worldwide. And even better, Wix gives you true creative freedom. You have infinite design possibilities limited only by your own imagination. My own website, watchpolyphonic.com, was built on Wix and I love it. Wix has tools for everyone from novice hobbyists to professional website builders. So treat yourself to a Wix website this Christmas and show the world what you have to offer. Head on over to wix.com slash go slash polyphonic to check it out. Whether you want your website for music, bookings, a personal portfolio, or just a fun hobby, Wix will meet your needs. And again, be sure to use that link in the description to let Wix know that I sent you and to show your support for my channel.