Joining us, and you write the name down. Peter's our new dormant. Thanks, Peter. You don't mind closing it, let's see who's coming in. So we have, let's see here, Rebecca Ellis, who is the State Director for the Office of Senator Peter Welch, with us in person. Great to see you, former House member as well. And Catherine Becker-Manhese, OK, from Senator Bernie Sanders' office. And thanks for joining us, Catherine. I realized we emailed somebody, but for you to be able to pull this together, probably within the last 15 minutes is huge. So thank you for joining us. So we are here, and the reason we've asked the two of you, and we're also reaching out, and we'll work with the Congresswoman Balance team as well, is one of the things we're facing in this stage, and others can speak through it, perhaps more eloquently, and more deeply in the iPad, is really a school construction crisis. We have many buildings that need to, not only, I would say massive renovations, but need new buildings. New buildings to really fit a 21st century education, new buildings that have laboratories, the experience, the feel of them that you want to walk in and have incredible academic experience. And so on top of that, one of the things we have led the way in, it appears, is PCB testing and testing for other chemicals. And as we heard, as we know in Burlington and as other schools are testing, we are going to have to respond to that. And we thought that we wanted to make this aware to our federal delegation, given the huge amount of money this will take. And just for you to hear the concern, see if you have any initial response to the concern. I also want to give my committee members and colleagues an opportunity to say a few words about what they're seeing in their districts or what they may have heard from superintendents and others recently. But it's a big idea. And I would also say, I think it's, from my perspective, it's a bipartisan issue. It's going to hit all the states. And we would love for it possible to get some federal funding for this. So that's my piece. I don't know if anybody else wants to add to that what they're seeing or their own personal experience. Senator Gullick, you've been up in, you can say maybe a word about Burlington High School. Oh, what do I say? What angle do you want me to attack this from? Well, why don't you just, for the record, kind of just tell us all what happened in Burlington. OK, a little bit. And Rebecca's parents are my neighbors. So I'm sure she's well-schooled in this issue. So I'm trying not to go on too long, because I could speak for hours. But I think I explained to somebody that when you decide to make renovations to a school, because we wanted to make renovations to our high school, because we had leaky roofs. We had window casings that were literally falling out of the window, under the ground below. I've told you five buildings connected by sequel access walkways, which were really difficult for any students that had mobility issues, almost impossible. Not to mention an HVAC system that it's incredibly expensive to run. I mean, almost to the point of not being sustainable. It was so old. So we decided to make renovations. And I was part of this before I was on the school board. I was part of this group called VHS Re-envisioning. And we basically went out to the community and tried to get support to pass a bond, to do some renovations to the buildings. So we passed a $70 million bond. But the way it works is that once you decide to renovate, that's when you've passed your bond. You've done all the work. Now your building gets tested for contamination. And that's when it's kind of a weird system that happens after the fact. That's when our building got tested and that these high levels of PCBs were discovered. So at that point, it was literally the first day of school our kids showed up and they were told they had to leave. So, I mean, I can't exaggerate the crisis that we had because our kids went into basically lockdown. They were sent home the first day of school in September. And then the pandemic got tacked on. So they were home for, you know, close to a year. These are high school kids. The before COVID. Before, no, with COVID. With COVID, okay. But they were home about five months before COVID. And one thing that we've learned, which is an unfortunate and tragic truth is that some kids are actually way better off in school than they are at home. And it's really hard for, you know, we have high rates of poverty in Burlington and it was really hard for a lot of our kids to not have a place to go to. And our school board meetings were gut wrenching because parents would come on crying and kids would come on crying. And what am I gonna tell you? We didn't know what to do. Because we were told that we had this poisonous building that we should all leave. So anyway, luckily, we had an empty department story. You all know the story.  I remember when I was given that timeframe in three months, we were gonna have this building ready. And I was like, no way. They did it almost to the day. Three months, they got in there and retrofitted it to the schools. Obviously not perfect by any means, but it was the least place for our kids to come. In the meantime, you know, we did lose a lot of kids. They never came back. We just lost them. To where? We don't know. They just, it was like truancy to the max. They just didn't know. We lost them. And that's what happens when a school gets closed down. So just from my experience, this is why this is something I'm really passionate about is I don't wanna see this happen in any other district in the state because the consequences are really pretty severe. So anyway, long story short, we then had to sort of regroup, start all over again, hired this company called DAR that has built schools all over New England to come and help us come up with a plan for a new building. We ended up with three and then we voted on the one that was the least expensive and hopefully the quickest to build and also sort of the most compact. We just didn't want a sprawling campus like we had before. So, and that was, we're hoping that that will open in 2025. Sorry, it's been pushed back a couple of months now. So it won't be ready for the beginning of the school year but hopefully a few months in. But we did have to pass, as you know, $165 million bond. So, it will obviously be a burden for the taxpayers in our city. I mean, there's just no denying it but at the same time, what choice did we have? We had no high school. We have a three and a half year lease on that building that we're in right now. We have to be out at the end of three and a half years. So we were, I mean, it was just, we had no choice. We had to pass this bond and it's gonna be really hard for a lot of folks that their property taxes are gonna go up and that's why I feel that at some point the state needs to help out. Not cover the whole cost by any means, but just help out. Take a little bit of the burden off the taxpayers and as we've already been talking about, you don't want that per pupil number to grow to the point where nobody wants to pay because they're, they just don't, they can't comprehend these per pupil numbers. So it becomes an equity issue too, as we all know. Anyway, thank you Rebecca. I know you know the whole story, but. No, thank you. Anybody else want to understand anything or? We just met with superintendents last week as a committee, we went to lunch in and they also expressed the seriousness. You know, we talk a lot about in this building climate change, our buildings, you know, some of them are just literally heats just going right up the buildings and the costs are huge and there's a lot of good potential when we think about this stuff. Yeah, please. There's so many others from over here in Thursday. It's like every school in the States in the same situation. And they don't know what, you know, what contamination they're gonna find when they start doing that too. So it's an infrastructure issue. Yeah. And the schools are the kind of the glue that keeps the local community and society together. So I guess all we'd love to know is when is the check on it? I don't know. And what a press to call. I'm happy to defer Katie, if you would like to go first. Rebecca, why don't you feel free to go first? I think it'll be easier for folks in the room to hear from you. And then I can just add in a couple pieces around the edges. Okay. Well, thank you for inviting Katie and me here at your federal delegation. And I'm sure that Representative Ballant would and her representative would like to talk with you as well. And it is important I think for all of us to be on the same page. And this is a crisis in Vermont. Senator Welch, when he was Representative Welch spoke with the House Education Committee in 2020. At that time, the U.S. House had passed what was called the Moving Forward Bill and had passed I believe was $130 billion for school construction. So Congressman Welch was very excited that that might become law and might help states with school construction funding. He's also toured many schools around Vermont to look at the conditions of the buildings and truly our schools are facing a crisis. So unfortunately, the $130 billion was not included in the final infrastructure bill that passed. So I can say confidently that Senator Welch will continue to look for funds, federal funds that said there's no certainty of course of what will pass in Congress in terms of funding for this issue. There are some existing programs that can be helpful to school districts. The USDA has a program, the Community Facilities Program which I believe is the program that helped the Winooski School District at least get a loan, a very low interest loan for school construction. I'm not sure if there was any grant funding in that but that's an existing program that can be helpful. I know that a number of schools are also applying for grants through the Renew America Schools Act which was included in the bipartisan infrastructure bill and that's for energy efficiency improvements that was gonna be spread out over a four or five year period and it's $500 million total and it's 80 million a year that they're rolling out. And there was also, I don't know how many schools took advantage of the ESSER funds that came through the COVID funding but that was another possibility for HVAC systems and I don't know how many schools applied to that. So- And just a reminder to other folks because it was COVID connected the HVAC. Right, exactly. Yeah, so those are sort of some of the existing programs and I'm sure our delegation can continue looking for grant programs that could be helpful to schools but I know that also you're looking at a major kind of systematic problem and issue of funding. So these are more case by case funding opportunities. So that's what I all I have to say but happy to take questions or turn it over to Katie. If you'd like to- If I could just ask- Yeah. So you'll take our concerns when you're hearing and bring them to Senator Welch just so he can hear directly the difference through you that this is we really see. And I know that as you said, he recognizes this. Yeah. We're looking, I mean, serious crisis. So we're looking for anybody, anybody else that you think we should down the road talk to have a conversation with. This is something that just can't, what I'm afraid he's gonna have is we're gonna all start coming in with our photos of our schools. You know, this is that bad out there and yeah, kids shouldn't have to have these kinds of experiences. I'm not sure if you're a Senator or what. Thank you. Yeah, so to piggyback, kids shouldn't have these experiences but let's face it, our school districts are some of our biggest employers, not our biggest employer in the state. And so we also have a lot of staff and teachers who are spending, you know, hundreds and hundreds of hours in these buildings every year. So it's even, it's bigger than just the impact on our children. And I also just wanna remind folks too that when we talk about childcare and the childcare crisis, you know, schools play a part in childcare. They allow for adults to go out in a world and work. So there's that piece of really critical piece of the puzzle. And also we had Dr. Mark Levine speak to us this morning, Commissioner Mark Levine. And a lot of what he talks about in terms of public health is very integral also in our school buildings. Like they're very much connected. He talked about everything, he didn't bring up PCBs but, you know, some of these buildings, their physical structure is dangerous, especially to folks with mobility issues. They, the air quality is horrible. The lighting is an issue. There's so many factors that are a part of public health and personal health.  So all of these things are connected and school is part of that spiral of health, safety, someone and so forth. And I know that folks know that but I just think it's a good reminder because we do tend to be like, oh, kids, schools over here. But it really has to be seen as part of the bigger picture. Katie. Thank you and thanks everybody for having me join virtually. I sort of feel like I'm hovering over Rebecca's shoulder but really appreciate the option for a virtual join. So for those who I haven't met I'm Senator Sanders, State Director. My primary expertise is health policy. So certainly for my own self and as a parent recognize this as a public health issue as well as an education issue. As was just discussed, this is a tremendous issue for all of our Vermonters who work in schools. There is a certain impact here for all of you as you look at the responsibility the legislature has to address healthcare for retirees through the pension system and the healthcare benefits system. So there really is no decoupling this issue from health and from other responsibilities within the legislature. So really first and foremost commend you all for taking this on. I wish I was coming with my giant check from the federal government to just hand it over and let you all address all of the significant needs we know are happening not just in Burlington but across the state. From Senator Sanders perspective obviously former mayor of Burlington lives in Burlington has grandchildren in the public school system. We're very well aware of what's been going on. The delegation was very glad to pull together as many federal agency folks as we could from EPA on around the alphabet soup of the federal government to try to find some federal funds and opportunities for Burlington. We also knew as we were having those conversations that this would not be the last town experiencing this challenge. I appreciate Senator Campion you're mentioning that this is a bipartisan issue. That's certainly our hope in the Congress as well. Our kids, our teachers, our school administrators, folks who work within the schools. They live in every congressional district in the country. We have schools in every congressional district in the country. This is a tremendously important issue for all of us to address together. And again, it's gonna have impact for years to come. One thing I just wanna highlight for everyone's situational awareness Senator Sanders is set to become the chair of the Health Education, Labor and Pensions Committee in the Senate, which is as you can hear by those different categories, a huge undertaking. He has been working diligently over the last congressional Senate recess to have a host of meetings with cabinet secretaries, folks across these agencies, as well as Vermonters with lived experience that can help him inform his role as chairman. Certainly one of the things that we are hearing and seeing over and over and over again is the cross-section between the healthcare space, the education space, the labor space, the pension space. They just all coalesce within each other so consistently. I think this is sort of a perfect example of that. But in his work, one of the things that we certainly understand is that the federal government has put requirements in place on our states, on our schools to do certain work to have safe schools for our students and for all those adults who work in the school system. And as a result, there should be an opportunity for the federal government to come in and be supportive when issues arrive from the very work that we're asking schools to do in terms of testing, we see this in lead. So none of this is sort of new, but we recognize how important it is. Rebecca spoke briefly to the availability of ESSER funds to be used for ventilation as connected to COVID. Obviously that was a COVID specific connection. There were ARPA dollars made available for that for addressing safety in schools. While that can't fix our problem today, to my mind, I see this as a good sign that there is awareness in the Congress that safety in schools around environmental safety is something that we need to be looking at and focusing on and providing federal funds to help attain. We obviously have a partisan split between the House and the Senate. We're gearing up towards a presidential election year. It is gonna be a challenging time to legislate. I don't wanna paint a rosy picture of a Congress that's ready to get to work, but certainly in your Vermont congressional delegation, we are ready to get to work. And I speak, I think, with some confidence on behalf of all three of them, that they're very willing and able to partner together to find solutions and at the very, very least, raise up the issues and the voices that you're talking about today. One of the things that can be most effective to us is to hear these Vermont experiences that then as chairman, Senator Sanders, can discuss with his fellow committee members. He finds stories one of the most compelling ways to find common ground with colleagues, particularly as we're negotiating legislation. So in the education space and his role as chairman of the health committee, this is certainly something we're gonna be thinking about as well as his roles on the environment and public works committees. So really appreciate you all shining a light on this important issue. And we are happy to provide as much of a resource as we can be, which just to end, I will say, while the resource we would love to bring to bear today is funding, part of what we can also do is help you with research. We have at our disposal the Congressional Research Service. You have constituents who we share. You are also our constituents. And so if there are particular provisions of federal law that you wanna understand better, our office and our delegation is here to help you with that. So we can ask the Congressional Research Service to get to work for us to help us better understand some of what might be currently available and appropriate uses of federal funds. So again, I apologize for not having the magic sauce here to solve this issue, but really appreciate the opportunity to come and speak to all of you today. Thank you, Noen. Thank you for taking the time, truly. I mean, it would be absolutely amazing if Senator Sanders kicked off his conversations as the chair, just talking about school construction throughout the country. I mean, and I do think it would resonate with everybody out there, particularly I think in rural states. And I think one of the, I'm just drafting down ideas, maybe there are ways for us to also, in terms of getting this message out, talk with our counterparts in Northern New England, New Hampshire and Maine in particular, that I think are both struggling with this issue and maybe try to speak with one voice to US Secretary of Education to our governors and our shared delegation in D.C. Again, just to sort of raise this up as the crisis it really is. Committee, questions, normal comments. Really appreciate the two of you coming in and reporting continuing to work on this and thanks for having me. Happy to. Great, yeah. Thank you for having both of us here and great to be on the same page. Thank you. Yeah, thank you very much. Thank you all. Take care, everyone. Digger is here and they're thinking about headlines. It's how they're gonna be. The feds deliver. I'm really feds, you know what I'm talking about. Back and forth. We're in the newsroom with both of them printed out. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks a million. Thanks, Katie. Appreciate it. You're welcome. Thank you all. Hey, we're gonna take a 500 break. Is that okay? We're gonna take a five minute stretch and then we'll come back to it. I think we'll move, we have hate on the agenda because I want us to dig into something that came out last week, proficiency versus standards.  So, this is a takeoff. I mean, I might.


Hello and welcome back to another haughty time live stream. How are you all doing today? And it's been um I'm happy to report. It's been a somewhat Good week for me somewhat low mental health week somewhat executive functioning being manageable week had a good week so far and Been doing a lot of stuff getting everything ready for the next month if you didn't know I do like a Sort of a week every every month to like batch all of the content that I'm gonna put out on social media and stuff so I've been doing that this week and it's been a lot to do got a haircut and sorted everything out so Things are going well things are going good How are you guys all doing today? Hello, books, right drawer nice to see you again really enjoyed your questions last week Looking forward to some more Hello, I'm a Suzanne. Welcome to the stream To do so if you have not been to one of these streams before This is basically an opportunity to ask any questions that you have about my content about autism about mental health about self-improvement fitness whatever you want to Want to ask me about this is the chance to do it the time to do it So I'm not always and I know the most responsive when it comes to messages and DMs and things of that nature, so That's why we do these Hello, Angela. Lovely to see you. I am actually doing great today. Actually Ray That was rude Yeah, sadly, I am somewhat on a Semi main road my house. So sometimes I do get some people zooming past on the motorbikes. Oh Is my mental health my mental health's been pretty good this week actually which is You know, I'm like I'm gonna tell you straight if I'm not I'm not having a good week And then I'm having a good week, but this week has been has been good It seems like I'm pretty on top of things. I've been going to the gyms many times of as I planned on doing the work that I plan on doing I'm just kind of chilling. So it's been great I hope you guys are all prepared for the festive season Don't know if you ever everybody celebrates it, but if you do I hope you've got all your presents For other people sorted out and ready Would you say that autistic people have ups and downs depending on the weather and season? I think Everybody tends to have somewhat of like an impact based on the weather It's very strange for me because I do I do show signs of somewhat having like You know, like seasonal affective disorder But then again, it's it's sort of separated by my like natural ebbs and flows of mental health So I'm not too sure if it's if it's accurate for me one thing that I have thought about Because if you you as an autistic person have like seasonal affective disorder and you really struggle with like the winter months and the lowered light and I did get a Like a sad a sad lump as a present And those things are super super super bright I could not use it because it was just too much of like a sensory input for me. It just ramps up my anxiety too much So I don't I don't I don't really know like It'd be interesting to hear if you you guys have any experiences with Like sad lumps and stuff like that because I don't know it just doesn't really Doesn't really seem like an option for me Hello, Mr. Austin lovely to see you dude. How's things going? How's the gym? Went Christmas shopping today nice very good How was it? I imagine quite busy. Yeah, it's like man. It's like three days to Christmas craziness madness It's creeping up on us Bells it says how do you go to the gym when you are mentally and emotionally exhausted from being exposed to a lot of people and sensory things Good question. Um, I Think it really it really depends on the day Like I very much have the mentality of trying to look like overall reduce the amount of sensory Experiences like negative sensory experiences or input that I experienced during the day Through things like noise cancelling earbuds Taking breaks, you know some glasses if that's something that you you enjoy Having the oral motor stimulation doing one of those things generally Just on a daily basis helps helps me quite a bit and then I try and somewhat manage like How I'm fit like if I'm if I'm not feeling very good and I'm still planning on go to the gym I don't I don't not go Sometimes that there are particularly instances where I've had like multiple meltdowns or like panic attacks and like high enough anxiety that impacts my overall functioning where I haven't gone to the gym but those are very rare and If I do plan and go to the gym when I'm not feeling great feel a bit overstimulated I'll try and fuck, you know go go at a time where it's a bit quieter, you know So that I don't necessarily have to rush myself That there's less people there's less noises and such to try and deal with And also like just having a rule just in general that if Things are not going well and you're struggling to not just just Push push through it and like give yourself a meltdown or a panic attack But take a break like go to the toilet playing a plan your phone listen some music Do whatever you need to do to chill out and maybe try again And if it doesn't work then then go home and try another day and there's no shame in doing that of sort of Resetting I think a lot of people including myself can give you give you give them give yourself like a hard time for not doing exactly what you said you do and You can kind of carry that over to the next day So it's it's kind of like for me if I'm if I'm having one of those days. It's like damage control Okay, I Admit life life has gone on top of me today. I can't do stuff Things are not going great My priority is to make sure that the next day is a little bit better.  It's okay. I can try again tomorrow It's having that mentality and it's there is a fine balance between like pushing through things and being stoic and being You know strong-minded and I think that's a great thing But I point you do have to kind of think rationally. I'm like is this this worth it or could my and energy But my energy my mental stress my emotions be Put towards them something else, you know So it's a bit. It's very much like an overall strategy combined with you know, as and when Adjustments which can be hard granted because you are basically changing your routine So just try not to add to that by giving yourself a hard time. I would say I get sad when my girlfriend asks Junior, why do why are you talking about this? Like you've mentioned this quite a few times in the last stream, so I Like to do leg day in a bit. Oh my god. Good luck. I Used to have the loomy lumps. They're very bright and you have to sit close to them to get the mood lifting benefits Yeah, that's the issue that I have with the The the sad lumps, you know Glad that it's over. It's always crazy and people like it's my it's my personal Yeah, there's the period can be stressful for for some I know what would you recommend when you're feeling down? What do you recommend doing? There's the difficult one because there's difference between like feeling sad and just feeling generally sort of deflated and down and feeling anxious and you know having a depressive dip or like a Recurrence of like depression So I can't really give like general advice for that and I'd say that for most of it is You know, there's so many factors that go involved in Go into that but I would suggest if it's an abnormal level of feeling down then just try to do the tried and true methods of just trying to alleviate some of the pressure on yourself for the day try and do something that's relaxing some self-care and Reset and try again tomorrow and see how you feel But if it goes above above that and it's kind of into the late depression territory of things Definitely like ask a doctor ask a psychologist I'm not a doctor, but For me, it generally tends to be that I kind of sit between like mild and moderate most most days of my life But if I do have a severe dip, it's basically nothing really that I can do other than self-care and alleviate in pressure How do you manage everything about feeling overwhelmed? I Don't know. I mean, I don't really manage. I'm not like I think I think sometimes when you like see other people doing things and because I've had a few conversations like other like creators and autism Influences, whatever you want to call them and they they similarly have this experience where people think that they're like on top of everything And I like the woman stuff out and nothing gets on top of them and they're just not overwhelmed and they're just kind of Smoothly moving through things, but it's not the case, you know, like we're all humans Unless you have an ungodly level of emotional stability with things are gonna be Difficult depending on like what goals you set yourself. Well, dream you I I I mean, I don't really know what to say I don't really know what to say I mean, usually when you are in a romantic relationship with somebody they want to spend time with you That's just kind of a given usually Unique says I actually got to catch this live being binge watching your content. Oh, that's so nice I like to I like to do stuff like that because it's like, you know, obviously I have my own sort of YouTubers and creators that I look at and and watching like binge and so it's very It's very lovely to I guess. I hope it's not to like a detrimental extent. I hope it's been helpful Ready for the holidays is a socialized socialized with free new people and The next day my mom called me and we fought for a quick 45 seconds.  That's a good point it does happen to me quite a lot actually I mean, I don't want to like rehash what I've said but Usually I'll just I'll try and get as much as I can do that I set myself to do and I'm notness and then like Wait until like the next cycle of my routine and try to sort of do that and Usually I'll try to do stuff for the next week that I didn't get to do Usually try to do stuff like ahead of time to like make it a little bit easier for myself and just kind of maybe Reset reset the week that I'm doing at the moment if that makes sense Hello, Icra. How am I? I am pretty good actually pretty pretty cool Brett had it. I had an all-right week actually which is this Very different to me different for me doesn't happen often Thank you, Angela for joining the Auti Legion. You're much appreciated. It's always lovely to have you in the lives I really appreciate the support Would you say having autism makes it hard if the jobs because Because it's for neurodivergence to to set up neurodivergence Hmm. I Think I know what you mean. Yeah, I think in general jobs can be harder I mean you only have to look at that you like employment statistics to Realize that things are just like jobs are just not really like most jobs are not accessible to us or it's At least not adjusted for in a way that we can sort of sustain it long-term. I Have heard a lot of people having success with part-time jobs But that's more of like a consequence of Having difficulties sort of with the full-time experience You know, I did do a podcast with Think Nathan Hall or we're talking about like self-employment and it does seem that that could be a good out But also a bit unreasonable to expect every single autistic person to set up their own business Do the things that you know? I say in my experience some of the best places to work up Tending to be places where Autism is somewhat included in what they do or social inclusion or disabilities or somewhat included what they do things like charities can be Usually quite a good shout. I mean, it's not going to be absolutely perfect And it's obviously dependent on your boss and the culture around it and the expectations and such but They generally do have a bit little bit better of a Sort of a mindset towards employing people who are different which can be it can be really good I'm currently waiting on the orders and assessment in March being diagnosed with ADHD, but it's killing me Wondering if I am or not related a lot, but still like what if I'm not well? Yeah, I understand that I mean, I haven't even there is a possibility that I made a SD as well but I mean, there's there's a stronger possibility than not Just going going off like the stats and sort of the co-occurring things and stuff, but I Mean if the thing is even if you don't necessarily get the diagnosis And this is assuming that you get someone who is like Confident and good and doesn't kind of push you to the side because of small minor things But Even if you do even if you don't even if you find out that you're not autistic That doesn't mean that you can't benefit from being a part of the community like I Don't I don't know I don't know many people many of many autistic creators In general who will like push you away just because you're not autistic If you find that the advice that autistic people give for managing different parts of their life helpful And you enjoy being a part of the community. I don't see there's anything anything wrong with that, you know It can be helpful when it comes to like disability support workplaces reason adjustments and such But it's not the end all be all you know of things Although it can I can imagine, you know, definitely like Impacts stuff related to life and self-identity and stuff. So I Wish you luck with that I do create a writing and it's hard when your other special interest is tempting you to research about that subject instead Yeah, I relate to that What changes do you think would help ASD stick to job reason adjustments? Around communication and sensory Sensory things particularly It's like very minor things I would I would say that that most organizations could do that they don't do Which are not necessarily part of the reason adjustments model, but they definitely help like bullet pointing what you want them to do in an email You know instead of giving like a long email or having like a long chat about it Just making sure to bullet point exactly what you want them to do Helping with communications is also a really good thing to try and Of course, if possible sort out the sensory accommodations Perhaps give them a bit of a handle hand on You know Specifics of getting to the workplace and getting back and things of that nature Yeah, now having having an advocate within the workplace as well like having someone that you can go to who can sort of Advocate for you if you don't feel like you have the capacity to do so I Said that those are all really good things that you can the workplace just should implement Very very basic things. I don't think require a lot of like In-depth like training like how to support is it people in the workplace is very very Small things that make a big impact. I would say And you say that a medical field is worse for people with ADHD to work in because it's fast-paced Possibly, yeah That's I'd say so. I mean the thing is I know a lot of Particularly autistic people who work in like emergency fields and that that is somewhat a fast-paced But I think due to I mean, it's something that I Learned a little bit more about in terms of alexa fire me from I'm having my interview of autism from the inside Paul McCallough and he was saying that You know Autistic people can be good in emergency situations because because of that alexa fire me up, you know It's um, it's pretty pretty cool thing and it's something that I have seen I think As these people do better with self-employed Yeah Love to be here. Love the content. Keep up the great work. Thank you so much, Angela Yona says hi glad to catch your live chat. I'm a vet and I'm suffering from major depressive disorder It's horrible thing to go through at the same time being auditory and OCD watch your life advice Well, thank you very much for being being a member. You know, it's nice to nice to see you in the chat Do you mean like just general life advice or do you mean? sort of advice about like You know keep keeping on going Let me know Oh, the advice is helpful even bought some debuts. Thanks to you being really helpful. I'm so glad I'm really good. Thank you for the supporting as well. That's it really doesn't mean a lot to me Trying to make it on the online world Autistic people like Pepsi better than Coke I mean, maybe we could do a poll on that Hi for ghee nice to see you keeping going The thing is with Depressive disorders is that it's like The but by the nature of it and it's not necessarily always caused by your environment, you know For a lot of people they might describe themselves as having like situational depression whereby life gets overwhelming they have a burnout or They have specific life events which have you know really impact to them When you have like major depressive disorder and you have it for like a long long period of time It's kind of just like I mean obviously like the black dog analogy is it's a pretty a pretty good one For like explaining what it's like And I'd say that for me that the best the best results that I've had in order to like Sort of manage my own mental health over the long term is focusing a little bit less on Like my own happiness it sounds a bit weird but like Do it doing things not necessarily with the The I mean obviously there's little things like you know self-care and doing things that you enjoy are great But you know overall I think having some compelling meaning Is really really important to sort of keep on going whether you are feeling good or Feeling bad you still have like a purpose in inside you that kind of drives you when you're doing good it's kind of like You know you don't really need that I guess of internal mental support, but When things are bad, and it's it's pretty much impossible to feel good having something that Gives you a meaning into all of the difficulties that you're going through is definitely like Very very important So for example You know if I was going through Particularly a depressive period I would be trying my best to not feel depressed trying lots of things to feel better And that's just not something that that works for me like long term It kind of just adds and flows as it wishes sometimes But for me, you know like knowing that I've got like a job to do that I can try and help people in in some way Even even throughout not feeling great about it that has a really sort of positive impact on like Encouraging me to kind of keep on going You know, I know it's there. There's not really like it's it's a difficult one, isn't it because it's not like If you have like that disorder, it's pretty It's pretty difficult to To feel good and that's that's what everybody wants they want to feel like you know things are Great and you're happy and you you sort of content and search but When you do go through that it is quite difficult to To Feel like that. I hope that's somewhat helpful This was been what's been helpful for me and usually like trying to focus on other people and Focus on other things other than myself and how I feel It's kind of how it's like a knock-on effect to making me feel bad It's from my experience Do you draw all right? I do right. I don't draw though. I'm awful with my friend motor skills Would you recommend stating your autistic on a resume? That's a difficult one. I don't know if I can like Say one way or the other I'd say if you wanted to it might might be a bit more Applicable to you getting those room reasonable adjustments, but also People can be a little bit stigmatizing discriminatory. So I'd do that at your own discretion. I would say Being stressed and I stupidly went into Tesco's my brain hurts now. Oh my god If you're okay, definitely Pepsi. Yeah, I'm a Pepsi person.  How do you manage that because it's tough for me to control my stress levels? I'd ask you do you know when you're getting stressed or do you do you only really are you only really aware of it? Once it gets to a point where it's unmanageable And because that that because if it is if it is that that case But that was the the main issue for me when it came to meltdowns and stress and panic attacks and such It was not necessarily that I didn't have the tools to do it I just only really picked up on the fact that I was getting anxious. I like that the top end of You know crossing out meltdown panic attack line Once once once I did a bit more sort of reading into like it likes a fire mirror and found found ways to kind of Get round it understands My emotions through like bodily cues and thoughts and like behaviors and such It was a little bit easier to pick up on the fact that I needed to like rest and chill Once I did that it's just about Sort of embedding it into my brain that that's that's something that I should do and I should stop focusing on like something that's going wrong or trying to do you know finish something that's not going right or you know, just taking a bit of a step back and Okay, reset and reassess. I suppose I feel like I'm giving a lot of different forms of reset and re-approach kind of mindset, but Yeah, I Understand that it's it's it's definitely and to be honest like it's not always that I catch it and I've been pretty good with it the past Past few months. I haven't really had that incident of having like an anxiety or panic attack for quite a while But that's because I've been doing those things quite well. I would say I mean obviously you can manage your stress levels through lots of different ways that you know people on the internet have detailed extensively and you know I'd just be rehashing things that everybody knows Awesome what bro. Thank you very much, Sam Beholder says hey that tomorrow is my birthday. Nice to see you. Well, happy birthday for tomorrow Maybe I have a good day You're going to be doing something social or you're going to like Chill and like do you special interest stuff? I'm always talking myself out of self harmful things Thank you so much for your advice Yeah, I mean, it's it's it's hard isn't it and it's it's it's not necessarily like always like an outward directed thing It's not like Life sucks kind of mentality.  It's very strange you know, they're the deviations and How you work and think and perceive Sort of in different states. I think being aware of that also is quite helpful you know It's being aware of like the little things that tip you off that maybe this is not An unbiased sort of perception of what's going on Doesn't stop it from like affecting you emotionally, but it definitely like tempers your mind a little bit my experience Josephine asks my parents have a lot of trouble understanding my sensory needs and struggles. Is there any way that you? Recommend explaining the overwhelming effects they have on me Yeah, there is a really good analogy that I think someone at the workplace that I'm an associate to I came up with it's it's called the roundabout like roundabout analogy like For most It's hard to explain necessarily about like a the the diagram that they drew, but I'll try Basically like a like a roundabout and this roundabout is your brain's processing and Things that things that go into it are like the flows of traffic For neurotypical individuals people who aren't autistic who don't have like sensory needs Those what those roads are really wide and so they can allow a lot of traffic to go through and if it's like a rush hour It can handle it a lot better than we could Whereas for us depending on what our sensory profile is These roads these inputs can be either really really wide Or really small like country lanes they get jammed up really really easily And once once your roundabout is jammed up It makes it difficult for any of our like processes to go on because everything's stuck everything's like At a standstill and like maybe you could imagine like the panic attack and the meltdown as being somewhat Like you know, there's like an accident happened You know and and your brain is trying to Cooper it and you've got like the AA van coming in to sort yourself out The AA van being like the shut down trying to get you to sort of just associate and perhaps sort of temper the the input that you're getting I think that that could be a good explanation I think if you can if you if you if you're struggling to like try and get across what it is like I Mean that there's there's more simple ones like you know, just imagine like the volume on everything has Increased but like amplified in your brain or the the lights amplified and the brighter to you Sort of helping them to sort of put themselves in in your shoes a little bit Could be it could be somewhat helpful or you could just send a video You know send a video from someone who you think explains it quite well Doesn't necessarily have to be me Something it's something that you feel explains it well. I think that could help It is difficult because it's hard for people to sort of empathize with an experience if they don't want is like You know Feggies is happy birthday. I Have a friend with awesome really care for him But one thing that gives me a lot of anxieties is inconsistent texting. He doesn't really initiate it But when I text he responds fast. I try to understand sometimes he doesn't text for two weeks It's the reason girls can't handle him. They feel rejected and he thinks nobody likes him. So it's so sad. I Mean, I imagine I'm kind of imagining situations in my life where I've perhaps been a little bit like that It's it's kind of it's kind of what I described as like watering the plant And all the stick individuals tend to be a lot better at that And watering the plant basically being like Making small amounts of effort when it comes to communication in order to make that person feel somewhat like socially validated and wanted or Light and it's not something that I'm great at and the the reasons for why is a lot to do with My focus my routine, you know, quite often I do have a lot of things on my mind and trying to sit through Sometimes related to executive functioning, you know, I look at my day and There's lots of little things that I have to do and it stresses me out And then I add in like a couple of more little things to do which is you know contact this person at this time and It becomes a bit overwhelming. I Mean one thing I would suggest to any autistic people who are struggling with this is either to Self-advocate a little bit more or ask the person what they want what they want and you can somewhat set like some reminders Now in your calendar in your routine to remind you to sort of make that consistent kind of communication Yeah, I think it's a lot. It's and it's a lot to do with like social batteries like we just tend to not need or want as much Sort of transient sort of interaction with people We like to have designated times to like see people and meet people and socialize and then when that's over, you know That's kind of done dusted and Some of some of my best friends in my in my life like they understand that and It's it's it's quite easy because we just you know, it's kind of like one of the situations where we don't even we hardly ever talk But then when we see each other, it's like, you know, nothing's changed really. It's kind of nice Say that my mom influences me a lot. Yeah, I Have an ADHD diagnosis and a strong suspicion of autism want to get tested at some point Completely understand where your friend is coming from. I like to use a spoon and that spoon analogy is also a really good way of explaining it I would say Yeah Thanks so much. Don't worry Mia Would you say that having like that dissociation feeling in reaction to overwhelming sensory input is a shutdown I don't think I've ever had an external meltdown, but I've plenty of that association Yeah, it's um I mean a lot of people kind of compare it a little bit to like an internal meltdown, but I do believe it's somewhat like a Um a coping sort of stress response that we have Um to stop us from going into meltdowns So that that sense of dissociation where everything kind of comes a bit echoey and you sort of Focused on like one spot and you you don't talk as much and Um You know you you're a lot slower I you know for me that tends to happen when I'm overwhelmed and it kind of prevents me from having meltdowns Um, the only time that it doesn't is if people like press me and try to take me out of it And don't give me time to kind of sit to the side and regulate and do what I need to do to feel better Um, most of the time it does sort of end up in that shutdown experience, but Um, I have an instance is like like what I just described um, and they have like Caused me to have like meltdowns and stuff I also feel stress when there's too much around me like sounds or just info. Mm-hmm Do you leave the family christmas party to breathe? We have so many guests over help Yeah um Do it. I mean if your family's Understanding and they know that you're autistic then you can sort of self advocate and say that I need a bit of breathing space To regulate and I'll be back in like a certain amount of time If not, just go to the toilet But your head burns in just say that you just need to go to the toilet people don't really ask much about that And if they do it would be a bit weird By the way, the tank top looks fantastic Fantastic on you. Oh, thank you very much It's um It's from uh, I although I don't really like the aesthetic of gymshark. It is from it is from gymshark this one Um, I wish they did it a little bit wider though because it is my size, but it's You know As with any clothing that I get it just tends to look a bit small for me a bit annoying Cats hats crochet says hi everyone thomas that was a very helpful explanation to be shut down That's exactly what I experience. Well, I'm really glad it's um I mean, it's not it's not comfortable But it's a reaction to uncomfortable being uncomfortable rather um frustrating when my mom Can't see what is happening, but still in complete denial of vatism Yeah I'm sorry to hear that What tips do you recommend to make it easier to self advocate? Um, that's a difficult one. I think it really depends on the person Um, just having having social scripts in minds can be can be helpful You know having things things to point to ways of explaining things that people understand better Can also be quite helpful Lol the bathrooms Might go to place shut down or melt down even at home. I have kids and the bathroom is the only place I can lock the door and be alone Build yourself a shark cage for coming when you go out in public I mean, I'm not I don't think I could carry around a shark cage I got a pretty good overhead press, but I don't think that I don't think I'd be able to overpress that When there are big gatherings, I tend to make sure I have my room to retreat To just stare at my lava lamp. Oh, I love lava lumps. They're so cool They're so cool Mm-hmm. What have you guys been up to? Have you guys got any specific plans for Christmas? um I mean for me for me and my my family is probably just going to be like a Same thing that we do every year So of presents and food at like my mom's and then have a little bit of a party at my dad's house It should be cool. Hello gene. Welcome to the life The live stream You just remind me of how amazing it feels to leave a party after I get overwhelmed Even if I'm having a good time and with people I like I love the peace and quiet of leaving Yeah I mean I the the thing is I don't actually like to leave social events. I really enjoy them but Um, sometimes I do need to regulate So I will go off for like half an hour to an hour just uh put my earphones and Play some marinescape on my phone just like Chill out a little bit eating too much sleep Sounds like a good Christmas to me If you have executive dysfunctions and trouble to organize your words, I'd recommend drawing to explain your thoughts It's a good idea. It's a good idea Alternative ways of communicating my boyfriend spending Christmas with me and the kids very nice Hey, Thomas. Hello, ha What what language is that? Also, I just found your channel that we spent two or three hours ago. Let's really like two or three hours ago I can completely say that I will be pinching your podcasts Um Much appreciated. Just be aware. They are quite long. I do have some short eclips on my youtube channel if you want to have a look at them, but um Yeah, they're they're they're good. They're good long episodes. They're pretty fun though I've got some some interesting guests from different areas of the world different Sides of different bubbles within the autism world too I'm going to work at Christmas Um, so I'll be taking care of the elderly The sweetest things cookies and coming. Yeah, that's really cool I'd I'd love to like if I had like That time I'd love to I'd love to like do some some caring or like Teaching work on the side because I do I do somewhat miss like interactions with With others I really do like those kind of caring roles. It's just that I can't necessarily manage it as like a full-time job so it's um Yeah, whenever whenever I used to leave like Schools that I worked at for a while. I would always feel like really down and be like, oh my god Just like you build these relationships with people or the kids and it's it's it's difficult It's difficult when you've got to let go of it, you know Hi from the golden coast, australia Thanks for sharing mary x mess. Thank you very much is Hello, how is hawaii for hello? I know Hello Um, has it has saying says hi from pakistan. Nice to see you hussain Is it hussain or hussain? Please correct me Thomas don't forget to stay hydrated like your trim now. Thank you very much Yeah, I I've not been the best with hydration today. Um, I did have a You know a bottle filled but I've drunk it so I need to go get a refill after the stream Um, but we don't have a hydration reminder person today. Where is he? Where is he Slacking uh tips for keeping our house clean and organized while in burnout and struggling with executive dysfunction Uh, my god, that's a difficult one. Um Hmm I mean obviously like the the best thing would be to get support for it That's the ideal um, either from family members friends um, support organizations the government Things like that can obviously help um, but personal things that you can do yourself Try and minimize try and reduce the the amount of small things that aren't necessarily that important And focus on like one thing at a time one thing a day Like try to fit it in somewhere within a routine that you already have set up so Like um, for example No, maybe you need to clean your shower Um, we'll get some get some cleaning supplies and stuff and put put them next to you Have your shower at the end of your shower cleaner that kind of thing Uh, that that seems to be the best way that I can Manage things myself just by like stacking things onto a routine. That's already sort of a part of my day Uh, but it is difficult, you know, I'm not saying that's going to be like the the magical formula. Um But that that has been helpful for me somewhat I love the longer episodes because you get because I get to see all the small interactions between house and guests In other words, I'm already done with something funny and informative Well, it's definitely it's definitely a good old, um Good old long episode Lots of smaller interactions. That's too sure I just can't help myself This is like my brain's just designed to to go on for at least an hour and a half um, any any Episodes smaller than that. I just feel completely dysregulated. Oh my god. I've got so much that I needed to say in that I just can't or like um Yeah, it usually takes me a good like half an hour just to get into like the flow of the conversation But once I hit that like 30 minute mark after that It's kind of like my words just flow together and I don't really have to think much Drink water I know I need to drink. It's a hydration for a month reminded for everyone here um Stay hydrated Not like me who's not gonna drink next to another man I've been pretty good with it, but I need to fill out my big jug I'm bad at cleaning up keeping the house clean Tends very quickly to chaos If you could wish for a present on Christmas, what would it be? Oh I mean anything I probably want to like a mic upgrade or like a better camera I think that's what I would go for. I don't really need many things I'm pretty solid with like all the leisure things that I have and items I don't really need much else but Having something that can like improve the content that I make that would obviously like be really cool but That's what I would ask for Santa I've been drinking those meal shakes. I've been forgetting to eat and drink the past few days. I've been playing too many games. I think It's difficult when you're so hyper focused. You're like, I can't leave it alone 100% yeah I relates I relates Thank you miss darsden for the super chat hydrates. Okay, mister. I will I will go get some water Although how long have we been on live for We've got we've got about eight minutes left. I do I'll I'll I'll definitely have a drink after I will post a picture of me with my with my big jug on the on the story Well, thanks. Thank you, Austin What would make Christmas easier for someone of autism? All love and apologies the first step on someone's toes by asking. I don't worry about it Uh, it's no no wrong questions. Um Hmm I think um a plan of what to expect um You know being aware of The impact of social of too much socializing and having breaks between things not trying to pack it full with too much Um things of that nature. I think would be would be good, but it's again like Autistic people are so different from each other that one thing that helps one person is not going to help another person Something else might be a little bit more Apt for them, I would say I have everything labeled in organized storage now, which makes it much easier to tidy and quick Much quicker That is a good idea Do you like to watch christmas movies? Um I'd like I like to watch like One christmas movie I I enjoy the actual I enjoy actually like christmas for Pretty much everything about it apart from All the like the this the stuff around it Like the adverts the music the movies there Do you know I mean like I actually enjoy christmas I don't really enjoy Socializing and seeing my family and having an excuse to all like come together and have food together and stuff Um, but when it comes to like all of the marketing and stuff that's done around it, it just gets on my nerves If I'm honest It's cheered me up really starting to like these live streams. Oh, I'm so glad Hello Rita nice to see you too I was like a bit concerned when I started doing live stream that I would not like remember people But I definitely do like You know, I was I was like I watched other live streamers who could be like, hey This is here's one of our regulars We're like, how do you remember people like names? So I'm not very good at that. But um, I do I do remember you guys I stress about how to react to gifts. I hate it. Um, yeah Yeah, some people can can like A really like banking on the reaction that you're gonna have to to a gift And if you don't reach their expectations of You know, what is considered to be like, oh, that's a great gift and same. Thank you. Just Just smile at them and say, oh, thank you for the gift. It's really really cool. Thank you And go and go and give them a hug or something Or something like that Say thanks so much Just keep it short. Don't don't try and Don't try and like say, oh, this is gonna be good for this situation and that situation and this is this is grand I mean like what reaction are you supposed to get when someone buys you like a pair of socks? Great, this is gonna be so good for when I go outside And my I need something to put between my my feet and shoes Um and and look it's got this this little attachment like it's kind of overkill, you know It's got a bit it's got to be somewhat tempered by the the extremeness of the present I would say if someone's bought you like a Rolex or something like that You're obviously you need to like really really like react to it but um You know, I mean that's best Oh that's somewhat helpful How is the ASD community represented in the UK versus American culture? Have you noticed the difference? um I haven't really looked into that too much uh I can say that the representation Um across different like spheres of autism stuff Um is is quite different in terms of like language and mindset And things that they talk about and that would be Autistic adults parents uh researchers and organizations they all tend to have very different So, I mean organizations are somewhat like tying themselves a bit more to like other spheres, but Um, they can be quite quite different in the way that they sort of approach autism Between those groups True to autism not everyone has their own way to function I get it spam the email 12 times two thousand nine hundred percent Are you looking forward to this year's Christmas? Do you want to give your loved one a special present? That will light up their life This this one thing that they'll probably not use This bar of soap revolutionize your loved one's life and they will Stay forever grateful I have actually got I've got a really interesting post coming out um soon on autism and bias And within that I'm going to be talking about the strange phenomena Whereby autistic people seem to be very resistant to marketing and advertisement It should be pretty cool Valley red says hello americrismas How could you help change someone's dark mood? Struggles to see the join things I have I've talked about that a little bit earlier in the live stream if you want to Go and re-watch it um, I just don't want to repeat myself, but Um, I'm sorry. They're they're having a bad time And so when I explain what he's saying about me Is it am I difficult to understand? I didn't think so Same he says any sense for regulating yourself for grief and change as an autistic person I recently moved here separately from my partner and it's for a mean dysregulation for months months hmm I'd say I'd say the the golden thing is to try and set up a routine If you're feeling dysregulated and try and like add things slowly don't add everything at once um Humans are creatures of habit and as autistic people we do tend to Be a little bit more amenable to that Sort of habit mentality those routines I would say If you haven't already you should watch some of PsyPops videos about autism they're relatable and funny PsyPops Oh, yeah I think I've seen them on instagram awkward autistic animator Yeah, I should do should I I'm gonna give them a subscribe. That's a good there's a good suggestion Having a social media addiction Yeah, I think those those would be pretty cool to watch. Thank you for suggestion I find it hard to smile on demand. It feels like I get pressure on me Smiling has to be natural so bad presence no smile I mean you can do it that way and I completely understand them that mentality I think for the for both the sanity of yourself and for other people I would try and like You know white light smile you yourself throw it a little bit Just in my opinion Even if you don't particularly like it She says haha in marketing Um, do you are you marketing towards autistic people? Thank you routines are important for sure 100% What's your motive motivation to be active on social media? Um, I want to help people mostly um That's my that's my main goal, but You know, I'm wanting to spend more time In my main goal. So it is somewhat trying to like Grow my platforms to a point where I can sort of survive off just Doing that that makes sense Those are my goals Thomas, thanks for all the streams this year has taught me a lot Help me get close to my best friend my best friend My flatmate You're like a Christmas gift in person. Oh, thanks so much I'm really glad that they've been helpful to you.  Austin um and uh, yeah, I mean, I hope you guys have a good Christmas and uh Let us know how it goes One of the the next streams. I'll probably do the stream next week as well Why not just keep things keep things rolling. I don't don't necessarily like want to change my whole life Just for the Christmas period You know get rid of my routines and such but um Yeah, I hope you have a good weekend. Good Christmas and um I shall see you later. Yes. Merry Christmas to you all. Thank you much. Can An angela. Thank you and thank you Rita and h2 bros Mr. Austin's well And so it's creative It's been a pleasure See you guys later but later my god See you later everybody


Hello my YouTube family, in this video we're going to be talking about a crazy thing that happens when you leave a narcissist because you were with them for all of that time. You invested your time, energy, effort, money and resources into the narcissist.  They did all of these things to you and they made you believe in a possible future with them as though they were working towards something and you just had to hold on to wait for this future with them. They made you believe in that. They never even crossed their minds unless you brought it to their attention because otherwise all they were thinking about is what they were getting from you.  It was making them feel good about themselves but they weren't thinking about reciprocating any of that back to you.  They will have this sense of arrogance and entitlement and they will still be expecting more from you as if you hadn't given enough already because just look back and think about everything you gave to them. Maybe even write it down, make a list of everything you did for them and what you got back in return and then you will see that you invested in something that was of low value because our value is based on what we give to people. It's not based on what we receive or what we consume for ourselves. It's not based on that at all and that's really the problem. It's that you were investing your time, energy, money and resources into something that was of low value so it wasn't worth anything. It was a low return investment so you could put as much as you wanted into it but you weren't ever going to get anything back because it had no value and in fact if anything it was a liability to you. It's like the more you put into it the more unfavorable it was for you. The more that you then owed as though it was meant to be some type of service to you when in fact it's like you were funding a leech of parasite with your energy, attention, money or resources.  I mean no one, no one is just going to willingly give value out with the assumption that they're not gonna get anything back. No one is gonna do that. You were led to believe that you were in this reciprocal relationship as though you were building something together because they lied to you, they future fades. They made you believe in this possible future with them but they've ever even taken the steps to make it a reality because they could never make a reality for you. They could never make it happen and that was never their intention. They never even intended to do that. They just knew that was what you wanted to hear. This is how a narcissist looks at it. They look at it like I got to do to get what I want out of this person and what they want. Of course they want their supply, they want your attention, your validation, sometimes they might want sex, money, they're gonna place the sea and they look at it like what have I got to do to get that out of this person and of course in most cases what they want is your energy, your validation. They want you to admire them, to somewhere something desirable, something significant, relevant, important to your life because that's then our artistic supply. So in most cases that is what they want from you and they're looking at you like what have I got to say, what have I got to do to get supply out of you and then that's what they do. They sell you a dream.  It's making them feel alive and that's just what they're using you for. That's all it is. That's all that it was but they have a void that can never be filled. It's never going to be enough. It's never going to sustain them. It's never gonna be happy no matter what you do for them and that is why even at the end of the relationship despite everything that you may have done for them up until that point, they're still going to be dissatisfied. They're still going to be at you with their hands out to expect in something more from you or the while they never gave or did anything for you and they're still going to be looking at you like you owe them as crazy as that sounds. This is the great thing that happens when you leave a narcissist because they're not enough for themselves. Their false character cannot be validated from within. They need constant validation from you especially if you're an empath because you have this very rare, this very rare quality and that is your empathic concern. So you're able to read into a situation, into a person's desires and needs, it's what you want from you and you're able to recognize exactly what that is in that moment and then you feel compelled, feel the need to give that to them, to give them that narcissistic supply, to make them feel better about themselves. Yes, you feel compelled, you feel the need to do that for them and then they're just sitting back, they're eating that up, they're enjoying what you're giving to them and you don't even get a thank you, they're not even grateful because they don't really appreciate it. They don't have anything of value so they can't recognize the value that you're giving to them and that is why these relationships typically end in this way, to where it's like they're constantly looking at you and expecting you to do more but it's like no matter what you do, it's never good enough, it's never enough for them. They always lurk around waiting with their hands out, expecting you to do more because despite what they may have led you to believe, they need you far more than you ever needed them and in fact you never needed them. You never needed anything from them. They always needed you, they always needed what you were giving out and this is just the only way that it's ever going to be with them. It's never going to be any different than that. You're always the one who is going to have to do or provide to them and all they're going to do is check in on you now and again just to keep the ball rolling so that they've got this constant stream of supply going to which they were then used to get supply from not only you but from other sources as well because yes, that character is not even real. That person you saw at the beginning, that's not even them. It's just many of you, you've seen these relationships for such a long time because you wished that it was them.  Then it's like everything could come together, everything could be alright so you hold on to that false character where that was never them to begin with. It was a shared fantasy. They led you to believe that they were this fun, loving, devoted, exciting, charismatic character almost like a reflection of yourself because that's what you're about and yet they just reflected your qualities and virtues back to you and also we can be at fault sometimes as well. I mean what we tend to do is we project our positive qualities onto them. We uphold them to that and even if their actions never even align with that, we just kind of go along with it because we know that's who we are so we project these qualities onto them as well. We assume that that's who they are. Even though they've never actually done anything that aligns with that, we just naturally assume that it's who they are.  Because that's exactly how it is. That's how it goes with them. That's how it goes with us. We recognize the goodness in ourselves and we project it onto other people. Even though their actions and behaviors quite clearly do not align with that, they quite clearly do not align with that at all. And in fact, if you look at it they're the ones who need that from us. They need us to be that for them. Luckily for them that's exactly who we are. That's who we've been to them all of this time. But they're never going to be that for you. And they already know that. And at some point it gets to a point where they didn't even want you to be that for yourself. Because your qualities, your positive traits, it irritates them. It reminds them of how they're not real, of how they're not really about what they said they were about, what they implied they were about or what they meant to be about. But regardless of whatever they say and are doing, you've got to look at their actions and behaviors and recognize that they are devaluing you. That you are so much more than what they led you to believe.  Because if you look at it, it gets to a point where it's like, in order for them to sustain you as their source of supply, everything they say, everything they do, every action of behavior, the denial, the rejection, the blame shift and gaslighting, devaluation, triangulation, all of it is just to get you to focus on anything but yourself. And why do they want you to focus on anything but yourself? The reason why is because as soon as you do that, then you can see them as they actually are. That's why when you know yourself, only then can you know others. So they don't want you to know yourself because they don't want you to see them as they actually are. When you see them as they actually are, the illusion falls apart. And then you can no longer validate the false character or the illusion, which means that they can no longer get narcissistic supply from you. Because then you can no longer feed their ego. You can no longer make them feel significant, relevant, special or important. And that's all that they want you to do. That's what they do when they meet an empath or anyone. They just want you to validate the illusion because they don't get anything out of it. When you see them as they actually are, when you're grounded in reality, they don't get any power or energy out of that. That does nothing for them. It doesn't do anything for them in any way.  Because as soon as they can do that, instantly, you're giving your power and energy to something other than yourself.  This is why what the empath's validation is so bad. Because that validation you're normally given to yourself. We are normally able to do all of these wonderful things in the world. Just imagine how that feels when you give that to them. But even then, it's not really that euphoric. It's kind of just so they can feel even slightly normal for a moment. That's all that really gets. And that is their drug. That's what they're hooked on. They just can't resist it. They can't get enough of it. They really need that from you. And it's something that they're hooked on. It's something they can't let go of him for a moment. Which is why as soon as they think that you're abandoning them, they're losing their source to supply what happens. It causes a narcissistic injury. They go crazy. Now they want to punish you, they want to take you down. They want to make your life miserable. Because they know that's exactly how it's going to be for them if you get away. Which is why they've got to hold on to you for their lives. And that's really the thing.  You've got to look at it like this. Something of value. If something's valuable. Would you really want to pound it? If you lost it, would you even really care?  It stinks. It's useless. It has no purpose. You're not going to want to be around with that. If you've got a car, you're going to jump in it and drive as far as you possibly can away from it. So that you'd never have to encounter it again. Because that's garbage. It stinks. It's not worth anything. It's just going to bring you down. It's just going to lower your value. So you don't want to be around it. But when we're talking about something of value, such as a high value person like yourself, just think about that for a moment. Imagine you've got a watch. But first, just imagine you've got maybe you've got it from a secondhand shop. It's not really that valuable. It's not that special or important. Doesn't really mean anything to you. So if you lose a watch, not really going to care. You might search for it maybe for a few minutes. But then you're going to forget about it. Because you can quite easily. You can get another one very so you're not going to care so much if you lose it. But what if that watch was extremely valuable? What if that watch was a Rolex? What if it was left to you by someone who passed away? So it has sendable value? Are you just going to stop looking for that watch after a few minutes? Probably not. In fact, you may spend years looking for that watch. You may go to the ends of the earth to get that thing back. Why? Because it has you because it's extremely valuable. And you may never find another one like that ever again. And it's the same thing us. That is why they obsess over us. That is why they hold on to us. Because unlike them, they're everywhere. Everywhere you look. There's always another one of them. But an empath, a chosen one. That's rare. And they may never find another person like you ever again. And deep down they know that. And that is why they will hold on to you for dear life. They will attach to you. They will place hooks in you. They will do anything they can to reel you back in. All of this drama is they're actually a problem. Am I doing something wrong? Do I need to do something to help them? To make things better? But actually it's like no. That's nothing to do with it.  There's a man look at their actions you. Not letting you go. Because yes, you are like and that is why they want to manipulate and control the situation and try to lower your level of consciousness to where you become unaware. You don't understand what is going on. This is why they've got so many tricks in their toolbox. So many different manipulative tactics to really sink their teeth into you. Latch on to you. To prevent you ever getting away. Or at the very least hold it on to you for as long as they possibly can. But that's really it. Back to difference. If something's not worth anything. If it doesn't have any value. If it's a bag of poop. You're going to want to get away from that. You're going to want to jump in your car and drive away in the opposite direction. Because it has no value. It's a liability to you. It's taking value away from you. But when something is of value. Of high value. You're going to chase after it because it's bringing value to you. That's I'm sure most of you will understand. I mean this is quite a basic concept. People move towards things of value. They move away things away from things that take value away from them. No one wants to put themselves in a situation where it's going to strip them of their value. We move towards value. And again this is another trick that they use. They make you believe that they have something of value. But the false character. The mirroring. Reflecting our qualities and virtues back to us. They're the same as us. Because at some level they recognize our value. Are they trying to imitate that? You can hold on for as long as you're like. You're not going to get anything out of it. It's not going to do anything for you. They will lie. They will future fake. It's just going to drain you. It's not going to serve you in any way. It's only going to serve them. And that's the only reason that they're there. Because as I said we move away, especially more than anyone else. A narcissist will distance themselves from anyone who is a liability to them. Who is taking value away from them. They will gravitate towards those who bring value to them. Towards those who have value. Because they want that themselves. And that is why those of you who are in paths, who are chosen ones out into the world will just not leave you alone. Because you have tons of value. But if you're awakened, if you're aware, they can't. If they're real, if they're authentic, if they have their own inherent value, then they can exist in that space. But otherwise they can't. They have to be distant. They have to be covert. Because otherwise your value and your illness is going to expose them. So that's why some narcissists will distance themselves from you. Even though you have value and the reason why is because you're awake. You're aware. You have this information. You know what to look for. You know what they're about. So they may ghost you. They may stay distant. They may stay covert and use other means of manipulation to get to you or to extract them from you. But they're not going to do that in an intimate space over a long period of time. They wouldn't be able to even if they tried. Because your awareness would expose them.  So they're not going to put themselves in that space. They already know how it's going to end. They're not even going to waste their time. But once you become awakened and aware, it's going to be those who do have value, who will grab towards an intimate space with you.  They know how they have value. So they don't fear that you're going to reject them. An equal exchange. I might get something from you but you're going to get something from me as well. So you're not going to lose anything. You're not going to feel guilt. You're not going to feel regret. You're not going to reject me. It's how they're going to be thinking. But when you're dealing with low value narcissistic people, it's all manipulation, deception, lies, future figure and a ghastly din. All just to confuse you and keep you in the fog and to prevent you from late realizing the fact that they have nothing to ring to you. And in fact if you were aware of that you would be going in the opposite direction. If you realize that they're taking value away from you and then they come around you because you're high value and they're getting something to value out of you. Everything is energy. Everything is value. There is no person to where you can remain around them and your value is going to stay the same. That just doesn't happen. In any interaction, in any engagement, your value is either going to go up or down.  In any interaction, any engagement, they can either be a liability or an asset to you. And that's where you've got to think for yourself and you've got to identify, is this person bringing value to me or are they taking value away? And if you look back with an asset, you were bringing value to them the entire time. They were taking value from you. So of course would you expect them to do it again if they never brought value to you that entire time? Which clearly indicates that they are low value people. Of course in the game they're just going to try to take even more value from you. They're not going to give any value to you. They can't even do even if they tried because they haven't got any value to bring to you. If they did, they would have brought that to you a long time ago. I know they move on, they float their new supply. They live in their best lives without you. That's not how it is. It's all fake. If there was really wonderful other side to their personality, believe me, you would have seen it by now. You would have seen that a long time ago to secure you so that they could keep extracting value out of you. God was what they had to give and I've said it before. Whatever the name of the narcissist that you were dealing with, as an example, maybe your narcissist was named Richard, tell yourself you had the Richard experience. You experienced Richard. That's what you got. That's what they had and there's nothing more to it. Anytime you feel like they're pulling the wall over your eyes, they're manipulating you again. Something significant, relevant to your life. In fact, the opposite is true, so here's what you've got to do. Anytime you feel like going back to a manipulative, future-faking narcissist, just do this. Imagine them on the toilet. Imagine that they have a bad stomach. They're on the toilet. They're having a rough time. Just imagine that for a moment and tell me, do they really seem that attractive to you now? Because in most cases they probably won't. Imagine them on the toilet and you stay with them for all of this time. You never actually get anything back in return. You're really just wasting your time. You're never going to get anything back from them.  They have no value of their own. They've got to get that from you.  They're future fakers, almost like you're giving them a loan. You're giving them a loan and they're broke. They've got no credit. So of course they're never going to pay you back and you need to remind yourself of that. Remind yourself of your value in contrast to this. Out of how you're loaning them, all of this energy, this investment. But what difference does that make? You can invest all of your time. In any matter, you're never going to get anything back. And me, because it is fake. If it was real and you're investing into it, you're going to get something back in return. But because they're fake, it's just going to go into a void. You're not going to get anything back because you're investing into a false character that isn't even real. So you're not going to get anything out of that.  You're investing in something that doesn't even exist. So there's not going to be any reciprocation. You're not going to get anything back. It's almost like a scam.  If that was an established company then of course, yes, you would get something back. But if it's not real, if it's fake, how much of your time, energy and effort you're like that Rolex are very valuable watch. So they're going to chase after you. They're going to hunt you down. But once you become awake and aware, you're going to run away from them. Once you recognize that they have no value of their own and that they're just stripping value away from you, then you're not going to want to be around them. But yeah, I don't want to stay too long into but there's crazy that they will do when you leave them.  You're not fraudster, you're not a con artist. So if they invest their time and the energy into you, of course they're going to get a return. They're going to get something back. But you do that, it's just going to go to nothing because this facade, this false character, it's not real. It's just going into a void, never to be seen again. So that's it, that's the message for today. I do hope that you found helpful and I was quite a long video again today. I do believe that it was quite informative, a lot of information provided to you in this one. And if you would like to show your supports, you can do that by hitting the thumbs up button down below which will help the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there but you can also do the next one in a super chat with super thanks for the comment section. Or by going to my paypal it is paypal.me. And also hit the subscribe button and click on notifications so that you will be notified when I upload a new video in the future. And if you would like to book a one-on-one session with me you can go to my it is narcsurvivor.co.uk and also you can follow me on Instagram. It is Narc Survivor YouTube. I have new pictures and videos for my travels which I upload to my stories every day on there. All right, thank you all for joining me on another Narc Survivor Live video. I do appreciate you all, my YouTube family. Thank you all for your support. And as always I look forward to talking with you


How to build a server with GitHub co-pilot. Make sure you have the extension installed and once that's done, install the Express NPM module. Go to your server.js file and at the comment, create a server with express and make the default port 8080. As you can see, I'm not doing any typing. GitHub co-pilot is doing all the work for me and I'm simply hitting tab and enter to go to a new line. After everything is done, I ran NPM run dev server and you can see here that the server started on port 8080.


One of the most important lessons I've learned when conducting an interfaith discussion or conversation is that it takes time to expect people to come together and share their deepest thoughts about their fundamental values is not fair and so part of interfaith is take time to build a community and that way you can build the bridge.