Hey guys, it's Nate, A.K.A. the Foot Account, and welcome back to the channel. Today is a weird Tuesday on FIFA 23 because we have cards that are leaving packs, team of the year midfielders, and team of the year icons. Team number one are leaving packs today. Now we kind of know what's replacing the team of the year midfielders, right? The team of the year defenders are going to be in packs today. But what about the team of the year icons? Are we going to see a team two release today? Will there be a gap in between? A lot of unanswered questions. We are going to talk about all of that today because it's kind of a weird day, right? Cards coming in and out of packs on a Tuesday. EA dropping lightning rounds yesterday on Monday, probably doing the same today on Tuesday as well. It's just team of the year, right? That's what's going on in this game right now. We're going to talk about all of that in-packs content, but also with SBCs. There are a lot of question marks. What could be happening today in the SBC section? One thing we know for sure, the 88 plus mid World Cup or Prime icon pack is going to refresh one more time. We'll be able to do that again. Fodder prices most likely going up again today. Might be a decent time to sell. We'll talk about that in player SBCs. And Bopay Player of the Month confirmed by EA Sports. That's pretty big. Will we see that in the game today? Will we see Flashback? Pogba, a lot of question marks around SBCs. And of course, with the upgrades, I want to take a look at these and talk with you guys about the best way, in my opinion, to craft these during this next week and a half of team of the year to get your best chance of packing a team of the year player. So there's a lot to talk about today. If you're excited for it, hit the thumbs up, subscribe if you're new. Let's talk about cards that are coming in packs today, confirmed. And that are, that is, the team of the year defenders, right? Theo Hernandez, Van Dyke, Eddermeil, Tao Hakimi, and Courtois will all be in packs today. Instead of three team of the years at one time, we've got five. Don't open your packs. Resist the urge. You've only, you've made it this far. You have a couple more days until the full team plus other cards are going to be in packs. These guys will all be in packs today. I'm still very curious to see what their official ratings are. Watch out for maybe a couple leaks or posts ahead of time before content to maybe see some of these player stats. Hopefully EA are juicing them up, kind of like they did the Jude Bellingham card. That would be very nice. But those guys are going to be coming into packs today. Not really a lot else to talk about there, except for, just watch out for some of these other existing promo cards that a few of these players have. It's kind of interesting, right? Van Dyke, Militao, Hakimi, and Theo Hernandez all have promo cards in this game that are pretty expensive, right? You look at the Van Dyke center back card, the Theo left back card. Some of these guys, especially for Hakimi, I don't think Hakimi's team of the year card is going to end up being much more than 100,000 or 200,000 coins more than this 87 is right now at a very inflated price of 500,000 coins. So I would be a little bit worried of a few of these guys that have top tier specials that they might just drop off a little bit in price today. Now, of course, the defenders as they get dropped in packs will be very expensive. Just like we saw with the midfielders, they'll start out really expensive. They'll probably drop for a while and then won't hit their actual lowest prices still for another couple of days when the full team is in packs. But just a word of warning, if you own any of these cards, they're probably, they have a chance at least to drop off because the prices shouldn't be that far apart to these new team of the year cards that are going to be dropping. So along with these guys in packs today, we've got a new list of team of the year icons. Now, this is a leaked list of the team of the year icons that should be coming into this game in the next few days. Now, one of these is going to be an SBC. We believe that's going to be Javi Alonso, but Ronaldinho, Ashley Cole, Nesta, Maka Lele, Gerd Muller, and Van Der Sar are all team of the year icons that have been leaked heading into this whole promo having team of the year icons in it. Now, team of the year icons won, the team won of this, of course, with Beckham, Hullet, Pirlo, all of these guys is going out of packs today. The real question is, is there going to be a gap in between or are they going to go straight from team one to team two? You would expect there to be other team of the year icons in packs today. So that's kind of what I'm expecting to see that second list. Like, of course, Ronaldinho, very, very hype. Gerd Muller, very hype. Van Der Sar, very hyped as well. Be very interested to see some of the pace boosts, especially on a guy like Nesta, right? With not a ton of pace or... Kind of reminds me of the Bobby Moore World Cup card that we had a couple of weeks ago when we had this promo. Made a card that was really not that usable, a huge pace boost, and all of a sudden, he's very usable. So we'll look out for a Nesta card today that is maybe the most usable Alessandro Nesta card we have ever seen. 72 paces and that horrendous, but maybe he gets 80 plus today. We'll just have to see. I would think those cards would be in packs today. There could be a bit of a gap. Maybe there's no team of the year icons in packs today and EA saving until Friday. We will just have to see. Now with these team of the year icons and other team of the year cards going out of packs, is there an opportunity to like invest in these or buy on these for a price rise? Man, with these team of the year icons, they just seem so expensive. I don't want to touch them. Like 2.9 mil for this David Beckham. I know that he got plus 11 paces. It's an absolutely insane looking card. Hulet, Pires, Vintage, all of these guys are so expensive. I don't know. They're just almost too expensive for my liking. And I don't want to touch them, right? I don't think I want to buy these and hold on to them because I feel like their prices should continue to drop off because right now it's just the fresh hype of brand new team of the year icons in this game. And maybe EA is going to release all of these team of the year icons back into packs at some point this weekend and release team one and team two in packs. I really don't know. But for right now, they just seem very overpriced because it's the hype of having new icons in the game with pretty big stat boost. So I would be careful with those and I would bet on them still dropping in price even though they're going out of packs, dropping a bit this weekend with everything else that's going to be going on. So that's kind of what's happening in packs today. Of course, lighting rounds, right? Lighting rounds are absolutely going to happen. You're going to see my own sign here. We'll talk about those cards that I have in a second. But to get into the store, there are absolutely going to be lighting rounds because EA have been doing lighting rounds every single day. It happens on the weekends most often, but yesterday, even on a Monday, we had lighting rounds. We had lighting rounds right now. We had the Elite Pack Plus. We had more of the Store Packs, the 500K pack, not 500K pack, 350K pack, two different 100,000 coins packs. We had the Provision Pack yesterday, a 75,000 coin team of their Foundations pack that's still there. So EA is going to keep dropping the Store Packs. They're going to keep dropping the lighting rounds. Expect that today on Tuesday as well because this is team of the year, right? EA is chasing that bag. So again, be careful with the defenders that come in packs today as well. I do believe that their prices will probably start off pretty high and then continue to drop off into the later parts of this week, especially with the full team being in packs right after the defenders are kind of done with their own little two days in packs. I mean, they're just going to continue to be in packs, right? These defenders will be in packs now from today until when team of the year cards basically go out of packs, they will be in packs. So we're at that point, right? We're at that point of the week where if you've held your packs, don't open them because we are so close to the whole team of the year being out. Now, with the in-packs content, let's switch it over to the SBC content because it gets really interesting over here as well. Of course, on month or on Friday, when we saw the Ramos SBC dropped alongside of the attackers promo, right? There was an SBC when new cards came into packs with the team of the year attackers. On Sunday, we had the Gareth Bale SBC that was dropped alongside of the team of the year midfielders that dropped. We also had Hugo Sanchez on Saturday as well. Now, there's a couple of leaked SBCs that are still out there. Could we see one of them today? I think it's a possibility. The first one is Paul Pogba's flashback, right? And I think even yesterday, people were expecting there must have been some sort of leak going around that he was going to be in the game yesterday on Monday because some of your UVA links absolutely exploded yesterday. Like, the Rabiol card here was 99K. He went all the way to 127 before dropping back down into the one teens where he is now. I think a lot of people are expecting this pretty soon. There's a ton of hype around this card. It would absolutely impact a lot of midfielders in this game if the card looks this good or similar to this even. And it's probably going to be really expensive as well. This is the biggest leaked SBC that is out there right now that we are still waiting on. I don't know if it's coming today, but we've had a player SBC every single time there's been new cards dropped into packs. I don't know if that's a correlation or not. It's just a possibility for Pogba to be dropped today. Now, speaking of the team of the year icons as well, we mentioned that Javi Alonso is one of our SBCs for that. We've already seen the Hugo Sanchez team of the year icon, icon SBC. Would it be too much right away, potentially? I mean, we still have a whole another week of team of the year to go with the full team impacts for a while, more content to come. So would it be a little too early for them to drop another icon player team of the year icon? Maybe, but that is also out there that could be a potential SBC that we see soon. Same thing like with Nesta, hoping for a really big pace boost on Javi Alonso, team of the year icon card, maybe like a Beckham type pace boost. That would be pretty cool. And then the last SBC, this one is what gets everybody excited because yesterday on Twitter, EA's FIFA France Twitter account, which is the official account of, I think just, it's like the French speaking Twitter account on Twitter, they tweeted this, and I want to show you guys this. I'm sure some of you have seen it. Somebody responded to one of their tweets yesterday and said, I'll translate it here because I don't know French. A little communication on Mbappe play of the month for those who are waiting for his SBC, is it playable or when is it coming? And they responded with, it will be available soon in-game winky face. So they're basically confirming that Mbappe player of the month is still coming. We were worried that it might not drop, but our suspicions are kind of confirmed that they were just waiting for the hype to die down maybe a little bit from the first kind of release of team of the year attackers, which Mbappe was in. So who knows when this SBC is going to be dropped? Again, we've said it, the player of the month for League One have commonly been dropped on Thursdays, but will they break that schedule since they've kind of already broken the schedule? This SBC was supposed to be released last Thursday when the award was announced and it was not. So Mbappe's special cards are still kind of up. His gold card is up. Remember this in form was 1.3 million coins right before this last week, before the, or when the SBC we thought was going to be released and it was in last Thursday. So this card and Mbappe's special cards across the game are still really high in price and his gold card, even though it is in packs, is still up a lot as well. We just looked at it right, 760, 770,000 coins. So that is a potential SBC that could be coming in the next couple of days as well. Guys, it's really, really tough to know what's going to drop in terms of player SBCs. There might be one today. There might be none. We might have a player SBC every day for the next couple of days. They might space it out. Really, we don't know. I would expect Pogba to be pretty soon though. I think Pogba is going to be between today or Friday on this game, especially with the upgrade packs now live. You can think from EA's perspective. They're like, all right, people have been opening packs. They've got these. They're accumulating fodder in their clubs. They're playing the game. Yes, the ADA Plus does refresh today, but I would expect to see Pogba here in the next couple of days about Javi Alonso and Mbappe really have no idea. There's no telling right now when they're going to drop. So those are all of the potential SBCs that we do have and I just kind of wanted to show that and communicate that to you guys. But let's talk about SBCs some more, especially with fodder, because with this SBC refreshing today, if you didn't sell your fodder earlier on in the week, this is what you're hoping for. This SBC, which is now back down a little bit, 213,000 coins to get it done, because some of your parts of the fodder market have dropped off as EA are running the lightning rounds and continuously supplying fodder on this game. You have got your 86s back at 16k, 87s are back at 20,000 coins. I mean, even yesterday in the height of the day, 86s were back up at like 18, 19k. Barela was up here almost 19,000 coins, dropped down with lightning rounds, and not a ton of demand yesterday, let's be honest, right? But today is a different story. So if you have any fodder still, you're talking 86s is 87s. I know we have a lot of SBCs to come. If you got 86s and like, I don't even know, let's say you got them on maybe like Friday night, or if you bought at the perfect time down here, like 13k, if these go up to like 20k plus today, do you want to sell? I think there's an opportunity to sell whether you got them at like 14, 15k. Maybe if you're buying at 16, because you think they're gonna go higher today, which is a very good possibility. But the 85s, 86s and 87s is where I would be focusing today, and if you wanted to sell some of those, I think you could. I think there's a really good potential rise today, sell into the hype of these 88 plus SBC refreshing before we get to Friday, where there's gonna be a lot of packs open, a lot of saved up packs, a lot of lightning rounds, and a lot of supply hitting the market, right? I always say, especially the way that it seems this year is selling into the maximum hype of that SBC, especially for the higher tier fodder is the way to go. So 85s to 87s, maybe it's a sell. This higher tier stuff with the Mbappe, like confirmation that is out there, your 91s are inching closer and closer to 70k, and they went even up further yesterday, because of the Mbappe SBC news being put out there and stuff like that. So those, if you got them at like 60k, I would probably still hold. And if you're on lower tier fodder, right? 83s, 1.9k, I would hold these as well, because with the 83 plus midfielder pack that is out right now, I think that that fodder can still go up higher today, because this, you can do three times a day, it's gonna refresh one more time. This is like 20,000 coins to do, but people love doing these, because yes, the midfielders are going out of packs, but you'll be able to do this SBC again to get 83 times three midfielders and then save them for when the full team comes back into packs in a couple of days from now. So there's demand for 83s for sure today on this game as well. And if you did buy 82s, 82s are gonna start rising as these 83s and as these 84s keep rising as well. I just think that if you wanna sell, definitely sell around the content time, because that's when the most demand is there. Lazy list, you will get sales. And yeah, today's a big day for SBC content, just specifically for what this 88 plus is gonna do and what those 83 pluses are gonna do for the fodder side of the market. Now, speaking of SBCs one last time, there's a lot going on in SBCs right now. You guys know, upgrade packs. And what I wanna do is show you the best way to craft these because there are, honestly, there's not one answer. There's a lot of different answers, but it's kind of just up to what works for your account and what you want to do and maybe how many coins you have and how many of these upgrade packs you are gonna do. Now, of course, EA dropped these premium SBCs yesterday. They dropped an 81 plus, double a 75 plus player pick and the lower tier regular upgrade, right? There's the premium and then there's the non-premium version. The premiums are different than last year and this is where we had some problems with EA yesterday. We mentioned it in yesterday's video. The pack is different entirely. You still get three rares, which is nice, but instead of 12 players from the same league, you only get eight and that's where the disappointment lies within because last year with 12 players, you were getting four more non-rares, every single pack, which when you think about a 75 plus player pick that only requires six non-rare golds, that's two thirds of this player pick that you're missing out on every single time you're opening one of these packs. So it is unfortunate, EA's gonna do EA things, but I think they have the reasons for doing this and also they know that we are gonna open these packs regardless because these give us the best chance to pack a team of the year. So we're still gonna do them even though they still require 11 rares and I'm gonna show you the best way to do it right now. So this is the best way to do it in my opinion is to go out on the market and bid or buy it now these gold rare cards in their exact position. I've formed a little squad here, right? These are some of the players that I've been buying. Go on foot bins, search up, there's a lot of different players you can buy. You don't have to buy these exact ones, but notice that I'm buying these cards in their position because it makes it really easy and I'm gonna show you why here in just a second. So I'm gonna submit this, boom, submit the squad and I'm gonna be done with it, right? So when I go and buy those players, I buy those exact 11 players. I buy them 10 at a time. I'm gonna go back to this store here. I'm gonna click to open a pack, but I'm not actually gonna open the pack because I have more of those players I'm not assigned, right? Team League pack, nope. Here I go back to my assigned. I have those exact same 11 players. I'm gonna send them to the club. I'm gonna go back to the SBC and this is what makes it so fast. Yes, of course, everybody has to spend time buying the players, but if you can craft the SBCs faster by using a squad builder, that's gonna make it easier for you.  Give it a quick one second glance over, make sure nothing fishy happened, submit it to the club or submit it, not to the club. Leave those players from the club and boom, you got it done and then you go back to your unassigned, send the players to the club and do it all over again. Now, the trick is here is you can't buy more than 10 players per position, right? Those 11 players like we had as Moon was our striker, right? We cannot buy more than 10 because this year EA has capped the unassigned limit at 100 unless you use some sort of like a glitch or something going on there. It is not worth your time to go over that and it will just cause you headache and cause that nice system that we have there problems. So the best way to do it is by 10 of each player, send one to the club, you keep nine and you're unassigned, you will end up with 99 players and you're unassigned, boom, you're underneath the 100 threshold and you can craft just like we did there. I think that's the speediest way to do it, maybe not the most coin effective way to do it, but it'll get it done very fast for you at a pretty good price. You saw there, non-rares are about 750, or sorry, rares are about 750 to 800 coins. They are rising with these upgrade packs out. They're probably going to stay between 750 and 900 coins, I would believe for the rest of this week until we get to Friday and then once we get to the weekend, they are just going to start rising. They're almost getting into the bodies you can see here at the 59th minute for 750, 700 coins. So you can probably get them for 650, 700 still on bid, if you want to grind that out. But the competition for this and people building packs is just going to increase more and more and more. Even though EA is running lighting rounds, which helps apply them on the market, the price are going to slowly keep rising as these SBCs are now out. Now let's say I'm opening these upgrades, where's my best place to craft, right? And this is where the opinions start to come out. And honestly, there's not really a wrong opinion. I think it just depends on what type of picks or packs you like to open. After you open this premium pack, you're going to end up with five non-rares and three rares, maybe some team of the years, right? That's the hope. But after you get those non-rares and rares, where do you put them into? I think the league specific upgrade packs are always a shot, because it gives you three players, one rare, you get another shot from that specific league of packing a team of the year. And these require 11 golds. They don't have to be rares, they can be non-rares. So you can just dump all of your non-rares into that. That's very easy. A 75 plus player pick is a very popular option because it only requires six players. It's a one of three, but it's a 75 plus rated, right? It's pretty low, but these have been given out pretty well. I've seen a lot of people get 83s, 84s, pretty consistently. And the thing about this is too, you will have the opportunity to pack team of the year icons from a 75 plus player pick, as well as the 81 plus double upgrade, which is another great SBC to craft into, right? These are not league specific, so you can pack those team of the year icons. You can pack team of the years from any league. Again, not league specific. I think this 81 plus double upgrade is a really good value one as well for the extra non-rares and rares that you have. Five rares, six non-rares, boom, you get it done. So a combination of those extra rares and non-rares that you may end up with from the premium SBC, you can put it into this and you get at least two cards that are 81 plus rated and you get two cards, right? That's what I like. Yes, you're turning in five more cards and rares than the 75 plus player pick, but you're getting two cards that are both guaranteed to be 81 plus rated. So here's what I would tell you to do. Mix it up between your account, right? If you want to try a couple 81s, couple 75s, couple of the league specific, I'm showing you league one right now. You can absolutely do other leagues. I'm just kind of working on my league one tally, getting that up. I've done like 75 or more now upgrade SBCs in the last day from buying rare golds and stuff. But whatever league you're working on, whatever cards you want to pack, try a few out, right? Try some player picks, try some double upgrades, try some league specific, see which one works better for you. I just think that it's not a one size fits all for everybody's account.  Other people are going to pack team of the years and icons from the 75 plus player pick. So try out some of those, see which one works best for you, which one you had the best pack weight with on your account, and then go from there. But the biggest tip I can give you guys is, be smart with your coins. And I would say if you invested in gold rares, obviously, which we talked about a lot in the past couple of days, especially leading up to this date. If you invested in gold rares at a really, really low price, you are cranking out upgrade SBCs right now for the cheapest price possible. If you're somebody who didn't invest in gold rares like myself, I stocked some in the club, that was about it. I would still do the SBC packs right now, whether you're trying to be pinching pennies and be coin conscious, or if you're not really caring about that. I mean, these cards are 750 to 800 coins right now. They are going to be probably over a thousand coins as we get into next week. So I would say start to build the upgrade packs now. Get ahead of the game because a lot of people, once they see the full team of the year is out, they will start to do up those upgrade packs. And that is when the demand continues to rise. So get ahead of the game right now, these next couple of days, while only a certain part of a player pool is in packs and get ahead of the game there. So that's what I would say with the upgrade packs. Of course, a lot of people are pretty excited about those and crafting and grinding those on the market. Now let's take a look at this market right now, because I've sold a lot of those cards. I'm no longer broke. We did have a really, really nice market rise yesterday. A lot of player prices continue to go higher. Is it a good time to sell if you were just trying to trade and make some coins and do some quick flips? I think the answer to that question is probably yes. Even for some of your most, like some of your team of the year cards, some of the team of your icons, right? I mean, Benzema is up a little bit. Messi is still up and Bape is still up. And as these team of your midfielders are kind of finding what their normal price is going to be, I would be very tempted to sell stuff that you maybe were just trying to get for flips. I feel like this could be one of the higher points in the market this week. If we get a big SPC today, if we get more icons and packs today, that might not cause panic, but it could just cause people to sell some cards to go out and try something new maybe. But if we do get like a Pogba SPC or a Javi Alonzo, right? With that 88 plus icon that's refreshing today, that's definitely going to cause a little bit of panic to the market as well, which is another reason why I think if there's cards in your team that you're just trying out and you're trying to watch their card price really, really closely over the next couple of days, it's probably not a terrible time to sell as I look through here and see St. Maximum 470. Like that's really, really high for his card. He looked through some of these other promo cards. Usmanda Bailey is almost back to 600K. Furland Mindy is 700,000 coins. I mean, with Theo Hernandez dropping as a team of the year today, Theo Hernandez's card is going to look absolutely nuts, right? We know what this team of tournament Theo looks like at 500K.  He might be impacted. That's all that I'm saying. It's just kind of a word of warning. Throw in some caution to the wind on some of these cards that have risen up a lot in the past couple of days with the market doing so well. If it's not something that you want to keep long term for your team and you're wanting to hold and you've got to add a really low price before the market started to go up, probably not a terrible time to sell whatsoever. Now, if you're invested in fodder, informs like I am right now, we're holding, right? We are waiting. We are holding because we just need these cards to go up over time. That's a completely different side of the market. But the market's done really, really well in the past couple of days. And that, of course, has brought some really, really nice profits for trading on this game. One last quick thing that I want to point out to you guys, and maybe this has to do with some price range updates that you maybe saw or noticed, there are a couple of cards right now in this game that are extinct. And EA messed up some price ranges. This is the last thing in the video. Taliso was like 100,000 coins max price. And then all of a sudden yesterday, EA, they kind of fixed his price cap at 40K. And some of the cards that were listed up, of course, it shows a price spike. But his price max all of a sudden was like set down to 40,000 coins. He is actually extinct on the market. So EA messed up something there with that card. And then they also messed up a price range for Kealini and Pato, I believe. There's another once-to-watch card as well that has this price range, Schlotterbeck. Schlotterbeck Taliso as once-to-watches and then Kealini and Pato. Kealini was extinct at 42K. Now they lowered his price range to 40,000 coins. And then I think they've changed Pato's price to 30K. I believe, I don't know if that was an actual mistake or if it was not. But yeah, it is. He was 31K yesterday and now he's 30,000 coins. So I'm not sure what EA is doing with price ranges, but if you have Taliso, I would not list it right now. The card's worth more than 40K, as you can tell. He is extinct on the market at 40K. So just be very, very careful with that one if you're on the market at this moment. But watch out for Tuesday today, guys, because as you know, it just might be a pretty high day. Especially if we have new icons coming in packs today, we're going to have lightning rounds. People are going to be opening those 83 plus or 81 plus defenders, position-specific packs. It's just kind of a different Tuesday because there's a lot going on in the SBC section. There's a lot going on with what's going to be in packs. The team in the hype is fully here, guys, and we are excited for it. So sorry for a long video, but there's just so much to talk about. We got to get through it. If you enjoyed today's video, drop a thumbs up on it. Comment down below if you have any questions and subscribe if you're new. I'll see you on the Twitch stream today. It's with Nate the Foot Account and catch you guys later. Peace.


Hey fellow reading warriors and welcome to today's video where I will be showing you my bullet journal spread for the month of August. First I'm going to start off with a year spread kind of, so at the very beginning of this brand new journal I have a place for me to write all of the books I read in 2021 starting in August. I'm not going to put all the books that I've read for the first half of the year because I did not start keeping a bullet journal until this month and so it's just going to be focused on the second half of the year but I put plenty of space for however many books I may or may not read. So for this spread I decided I would just keep it nice and simple and not have it be a theme since it is supposed to be there for the rest of the year but I decided it's just going to be the name of the book, the author and the rating out of five stars. This way I can just look over and see how many five stars I read versus how many one stars or dnfs I read and this can make making the end of the year type videos a lot easier so it's just a fun little banner and I actually did this for four pages really more like three and a half um but I just thought you know plenty of space as I've been in such a good audiobook mood lately and I'm really hoping I can get back into physically reading a lot. I've got a couple chunky physical reads that I'm trying to work through right now so I've slowed down quite a bit but my audiobooks have been on top of the game and so I just wanted to make sure there's enough room for all types of books. Starting on my August spread now I decided to do a lazy beach theme and I say it's a lazy beach theme because as you can see the only utensils I am using for the spread are these paper mate rainbow color pens and that is because those are the only coloring materials that my parents have at their house and I know I have other art materials like color pencils at our apartment back home so I didn't want to go out and buy anything just for a while. I was here this month but next month I will not be using these paper mate pens so what I did is I went on Pinterest and I searched for beach bullet journal ideas and I used lots of different elements from what I saw there so these little tutorials on how to draw shells and little scenic ideas that you're just going to see throughout the entire spread. I decided to ditch the Sharpie from the first couple of pages because of how much it bled through so I am using a paper mate black pen. Most of these pens have not been used before so you may see me taking off the little tips of them but I decided I would outline everything in black and then go through and do a lazy coloring in of everything else to give it color but also make it not perfect hence the lazy beach theme. I decided to go with a beach theme for this month's spread because while I am very much looking forward to fall I have one final month of summer and so I thought I would give it one last hooray. August is the month where I am not working my regular job and actually spending the entire month at home and living in Michigan we are very close to Lake Michigan and so I have some beach day plans and some other like normal summer activity plans to do this month which is why I really wanted to go with a summery spread to kind of capture that last chance at summer that I have and so I'm hoping that this bullet journal will keep me going for summer even though I am looking forward to fall already. I'm sorry you can't see all the coloring I do for the entire page sometimes it was a very weird setup for me but overall I'm pretty proud with how this first page came out it's a little blank but just with how much I was doing these shells later on in the spread I decided to keep it simple but I am pretty proud of the bottom little picture since I am not an artist by any means. So my first spread is the days red spread and I wasn't sure if I was going to do this just because I don't normally keep track of my reading but I thought just with how low my reading count has been recently I should keep track of it and hope that it encourages myself next month to read I'm still debating if I want to have a difference between physical reading and audiobook listening. As audiobook listening I believe is still reading I think it's so much easier for me to listen to an audiobook but I really want to spend time focusing on physically reading this month because it is my summer month I have more time to do so so I just decided to do a spread kind of of the month like a calendar but not strictly like a calendar so each week is a different small c element so I had bubbles up top and I'll fill in the bubbles with the light blue on the days that I read and then I have purple shells and orange starfish and I'll have a few more different varieties of shells that I saw those cute little how-to-draw easy shells on Pinterest and so I just followed some of those to help me try and keep up and then obviously I realized that I did not have enough space for it to be seven for each week so it's more about the individual days than it is the actual month of august especially since in my next spread I will have an actual calendar that I will be going off of and then at the bottom I have growth goals this is something I saw Shelby over at grace with books do and I thought it was a great idea just to track the growth of my youtube and instagram accounts as those are the accounts that I spend my most time looking after hey fellow reading warrior so this is where my phone decided to have like four heart attacks in a row where I think it would be filming and then part way through while I was like done with maybe one or two spreads I would look at it and see that my phone had just turned off and the video did not save so I don't have any more footage of me making the bullet journal sad to say but I do have a flip through of the end product and so I will just go ahead and end with that flip through and just kind of very briefly talk about each spread and why I like it why I think I were or why I wanted to use it for myself so I'm really sorry this video turned out to be like a weird mess but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and I really hope that next month not only will the video go up earlier but also it won't be like a terrible mess of no footage and weird sound so yeah that's what happened to this video maybe stick around for next month and hopefully it'll be better but let's get to that flip through now so again here's the title page and the days read and the event calendar for any youtube or instagram readathons that may be happening that I want to partake in and then I have my tbr with the five umbrellas those are meant for physical reads and a book spread for the surfboards for any book that I think I can read this month and then I have a youtube video dedicated page brainstorming and plans as well as an instagram inspo I wanted to leave it blank so I can do some sketches of posts I have the same thing with a book talk inspiration page and then I have a rankings page my top four favorite books this is my favorite spread is my writing tracker even though it's not the prettiest and it's not the most like even in terms of size I wanted to keep track of my writing and then I have all these review pages where it's just I gave myself 11 pages to write down my reviews to take notes as well as the little shells from before to decorate them and then I end with a final notes page for anything else I may want to write or brainstorm for the next spread and that is the end of this video thank you all so much for watching make sure to subscribe I wish you all a happy reading


So, when people think of rocks and minerals and works of art, you might generally just think of works that are in museums, objects in cases, or large pieces of sculpture, but something else that you can consider are works of architecture. And in this orientation, one of the case studies that I'm going to present is for the dome of the pantheon, which relies on a whole group of rocks and minerals for its construction. It's made up of seven different layers of concrete in the dome. And each one has fillers in that Roman concrete of differing density. And those really affect the performance of that dome as an architectural form. So that's something else that you can consider when you're coming up with a project is something that might be a little bit out there that might not be as obvious to find when you're just searching a museum website.


Why are men over 40 less likely to commit to you? We're gonna explore that today and I just wanna get right down to the nitty gritty. In most cases, they don't know what they're committing to. See, relationship as a container. I want you to think of it like a pot that you would plant something in. Once you think of it as a container, when you're in your 20s and 30s, most men and women who seek to start a family, they will choose a partner based on would they make a good spouse? Would they make a good parent? Do they want to have children? That's the primary, most often, the goal of those that are in their 20s and 30s. The challenge with the over 40 category of people is that the vast majority of people who are single in the dating marketplace are divorced. And because of divorce, you have a whole set of issues that affect the dynamics between two people. And in many cases, men and women are unclear as to what they want. They're unclear as to what they want. And men in particular are rather unclear with what they want, so they don't want to make a promise they can't keep. Let me repeat that. They don't want to make a promise they can't keep. I'm gonna get into some dynamics in a moment about that, but I want to lean into a conversation that's very popular today. There is a prominent divorce attorney named James Sexton who recently had a video go wildly viral, excuse me, talking about marriage and from the perspective of divorce. And he says something rather interesting that I think is worth taking note. He says, and I'm not exactly sure exactly how he says it, I believe that marriage is a failed technology. Marriage is a failed technology. And what he means to say is really going through a divorce can be a chaotic nightmare. I mean, it can be in most cases, a chaotic nightmare. And so I want you to think about this for this demographic that's over 40, roughly, and I'm gonna say anecdotally speaking, did I say that right? My tongue is a little tied. I would say roughly about 75% of singles who are in the dating marketplace over 45 are most likely divorced. And within that divorce comes a lot of traumatic experiences and traumatic can be emotionally traumatic. Could be financially traumatic. It could be very hostile in some cases. And because of that, many men are rather gun shy of ever wanting to get married again. Now, what's interesting is many of you might've seen my video I had recently with Rabbi Manus Friedman during ancient wisdom. And one of the things he professed was to get married in six months. In other words, set a date from today that you're going to be married six months from now. Now, some people might think that's ludicrous, okay? And I can see why you would wanna meet somebody and get married right away when you don't know who they are. But I think his point is, if you want to be married at some point, then be intentional about it. But more importantly, and what he didn't say, is to be really clear on who you are and what you want in relationship. And I think that's one of the challenges we're faced with most humans today because marriage isn't the failed technology. See, I don't believe that. I think marriage, okay. Well, let me reframe that. Certainly understanding the parameters of what happens when a relationship ends when you have an agreement with the government. Because the fact is, is when you're married, it's an agreement with the government because we have laws to dictate how two people can get divorced. So I understand why a lot of people would be reluctant to get married in midlife, especially if they had a previously poor experience, okay. So then coming back to the idea of container, what does this container look like? Well, you see, there's a lot of uncertainty. What does a relationship container look like? This is the biggest challenge faced with men. And because of that, most men and women do a terrible job of vetting one another to determine if they're compatible with one another. And more importantly, they do a terrible job communicating with one another as to what this container is. And this is why marriage isn't the only failed technology. Dating is the failed technology right now. We have an incredibly dysfunctional way of dating one another. And then what most people do are the following. They believe lust and limerence equals, let me reframe that. They believe attraction equals relationship success. If two people are attracted to one another, we will have a successful relationship. And people that are strongly attracted to one another, it's usually based on lust or limerence, lust or limerence. Do any of you watch the show 90 Day Fiancé? There's one of the series within this realm is called 90 Day the Other Way. And there's a woman here from Los Angeles who is attracted to a man who lives in Turkey, Istanbul, Turkey. And by the way, this has some personal relevance to me because my parents are from Istanbul, Turkey. And he's a young man. I mean, these two are like should be Instagram type models, okay? And you can already see that their whole relationship is based on lust and limerence. I see this as a total disaster in the future. Now, I'm making an assumption, but it's clear to me that their basis for a relationship has nothing to do with genuine compatibility. It's all based on lust or limerence. So that's the first mistake many people make in the dating, this failed technology we call dating. This failed technology we call dating. The second is that we sometimes create these ridiculous standards, ridiculous standards, mostly based on the physical aspects of a person. And men, I don't even wanna get into the particulars because I'd be throwing men and women under the bus, okay? But they create standards and they miss out on so many good people. All right, I'll throw in a couple of one.  So what if he's holding a fish? He's a person who likes to fish. There's nothing wrong with that, okay? Now you might say you're not compatible with that person, but really, what if this man has an amazing character?  He's got a great relationship with his ex-spouse. Just because he has a fish in his picture, you're gonna exclude this guy. Do you see some of the ridiculous standards people create for one another and they exclude really good people? In fact, I oftentimes say as most men are good guys, they're just bad daters, okay? That's just an unconscious thing. And I know you can make up, we can, you know, set our, again, this is just one of many examples.  I think the biggest problem with our current dating marketplace or the why it's a failed technology, and I am so guilty of what I'm about to share. I can take red flags and I can paint them green. I can take red flags and paint them green. Amazing what this belief, when you're attached to another human being, when you really like someone, you really like someone, you'll start to overlook the true incompatibilities within two people. Because there's this, you know, we as human beings are so radically flawed. And I don't mean that, let me just say that. We are just human beings that, I shouldn't say we are flawed because that sounds like a shameful comment. We are just, we're, humans are imperfect. Maybe that would be a better way to put it. And we will turn red flags into greens. We will paint them green, okay? We will see obvious incompatibilities. And yet we have this capacity to hope. Hence why dating is the failed technology or maybe love is the failed technology because we go into these, go into a marriage as an example with a person who's really not right for us. Okay, and we know this because statistically speaking, 50, something like 50 plus percentages of first marriages end, 60 to 75% of second marriages end. So again, bringing it back to, if we know these things, then what's the container of a relationship? And many of you are being indoctrinated in the belief that men are the leaders of a relationship.  Well, what do men lead with? We lead with our penises most of the time. Sex is the reason why we have tall buildings.  You know that divorce attorney that makes gazillions of dollars this New York divorce attorney, most of this clientele's our clientele, excuse me, are significantly rich men who pick women based purely on looks. And then they're shocked five years later when she wants to take them for all he has. Anyway, we could go down that road. But you know, it's interesting men will rush sex but they will be deathly slow when it comes to commitment. They are like at the turtle's pace, a significant percentage of men. And this is why if you're not familiar with my chart about the three types of people you're actively could be dating, please forgive the glare. You can see the users, the spenders and the grower and builders. Users represent those people that seek short-term gain. Those are people that are just looking to hook up and these are the love bombers. These are the players. These are women who are gold diggers and titled selfish people. They only care about their own needs. It's about 20%. And over here, excuse me, over here the grower and builders, these are people that seek long-term commitment and they're extremely, they're emotionally grown up in desire. They have good relationship skills and they have their act together. But the vast majority, 60% and this is merely anecdotal on my part are what I call spenders.  This is why I created my private coaching program. If you need some support in learning how to vet which guy you might be dating, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. You know, it's interesting. The spenders represent such a significant percentage because the vast majority of people are rather dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. And if they've been burned in the past, they might have some deep traumas that have gone unhealed whether it's in their childhood and their adult lives and makes it very difficult to become that grower builder. Grower builder wants to be in partnership with someone. They're looking to co-creat a relationship with someone and it's a small... By the way, when I say it's 20% of the population of men and women, I'm being rather generous. I could bet to say it's probably 10 to 15%. And what's interesting is you ladies all act like you're the grower and builders but you have one significant problem within most of you. You ladies, let me be blunt. You have duct tape over your mouth. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. You rarely clearly express your feelings not about the man himself. You rarely express your needs in relationship and then you blame men for the problem. Men are... By the way, I'm not here giving men a pass but you guys have... Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. Communicating, everybody talks about the importance of communicating yet humans have weak skills when it comes to communicating. I have some notes here, so bear with me. And men oftentimes are emotionally constipated when it comes to expressing feelings. So it's kind of interesting. I wanna get into the dating as a technology. First and foremost, you have to become radically honest with yourself.  I recently, I had the guest, Dr. Stan Takinon, he wrote a book, Wired for Love. This is his book, Wired for Dating. I wanna bring up in one of the chapters, he talks about the employer. Just, can you see that? Interviewing a potential partner. Now he says, you have to ask some really serious questions. Of course, you wanna do it in a manner that does not appear threatening and limiting yourself to the honest, obvious, and predictable as you get to know a potential partner is a sure fire formula for a boring date. So when I've said in the past, interrogate someone early, let me be clear. I've said this in the context of before you give your heart to a man, you should find out if the two of you are really compatible with one another and most importantly, who is compatible with you? This is something when I, let me schedule, come back here.   And then you go through this proprietary coaching program I created and can you guess what most women say after doing this work? Oh my God, I had no idea what I wanted. Oh my God, you made me go deeper than the surface. I wish my parents taught me this, I wish I'd learned this in school. See, the first couple of dates is that period of time where you just wanna see if you energetically like someone. And by the time you get to four, five, six, seven dates you should have some real clear questions that you want answered to really determine if you're compatible with one another. And the hardest thing for most of you ladies do is that to be detached from the outcome, to turn red flags into painting them green. And by the way, I'm guilty of this. So I'm not here to suggest I'm the expert in this capacity. This is something that we all humans have to work on. I once wrote an article called the 10 date rule. You know, the first couple of dates is to see if you energetically like each other. The next few dates is to really get compatibility questions and then you gotta determine if you're sexually compatible because the vast majority of relationships marriages and because they don't have true intimacy with one another, both physical, but more importantly emotional intimacy. If you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. I highly recommend reading this book. By the way, there's a link below in the description. It says, Jonathan recommend books. All the books I recommend, recommend. God, I am absolutely tongue-tied recommend, recommend. Oh my God. Anyways, you know what I'm talking about. I'm tongue-tied today. I'm really excited. And yes, exploring the physical and emotional aspects of the relationship are critically important. So let's talk about dating as a failed technology for a moment. Very few people ask it from a vetting perspective. Even Dr. Stantec calls it being a Sherlock. Become a Sherlock. And what he means by become Sherlock Holmes, okay? Now the problem, I love the book, but when you work with a coach like me, we can personalize it for you. I help draw out the things you need to know that the book doesn't really do for you. Any of these books don't do for you to the same degree when you're working with a coach. But asking vetting questions, and if any of you have seen the Indian matchmaker or the Jewish matchmaker, they actually have their family members. This is on Netflix. They have their family members do all the hard questions of the person. See, you have to become your own matchmaker. The thing is you have to recognize the difference between a cold prospect, someone who's an absolute stranger, a warm lead, okay? And recognize that in most cases, you're dealing with a cold prospect, okay? This is sales 101 versus a warm lead. Warm lead means you've got a little bit, you know a little bit about this person. You know, if you're vaguely, you maybe even know them personally, or you have some vague understanding of what they're looking for. You know what's interesting? Long distance dating has a very unique aspect associated to it. People that are talking on the phone for a significant period of time have the capacity to ask all the proper questions to determine compatibility. But you know what happens in long distance dating? Usually they're bonding with each other through their mutual traumas, and they're connecting with one another through these mutual traumas, okay? That's most of the time. And when they physically meet each other, they completely explore the physical aspect of the relationship because they think they've been dating for three months, if not three years, okay? And then what usually happens is the minute the woman goes back home, I would say I'm gonna guess 90% of the time, the guy says, and I quote, I'm not ready for a significant relationship. Particularly he's too lazy to get involved in a long distance dating dynamic. But what's interesting about this, and why I bring this up is they spend a lot of time before they ever meet, exploring potential, they could be exploring true compatibility. And without meeting, they're not gonna be hooked on lust and limerence. So they actually could vet prior to meeting. It's harder to do that when two people live in the same town. You know, the question I've been posing is do you vet before you meet someone? In other words, do you just do it? You just vomit at all and see what happens. You know, it's interesting. Many of you know, I have what's called the dating vows, the dating vows. Where is my copy of the dating vows? The idea of the dating vows is to have a real clear conversation before two people, by the way, there's a link below in the link to get my dating vows, is to have a clear conversation before you become physically intimate with someone.  And whether you do it on the first, second, or third, go, you know, lay, if you will. It goes like this. I agree. So you make agreements with one another. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together. I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile, if that's how you met. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you, which looks like what our dating experience looks like. Now 90% of men will bail on this because they're either spenders or users. But do you see the importance? I mean, in some ways, I think if we incorporate this as part of our dating technology, we will eliminate not always, okay, the wrong person, but you have a greater chance of eliminating the wrong person and inviting in the right person. Do some of you know Lewis Howes? They, did I pronounce his name properly, given I'm tongue-tied? He's got the School of Greatness. He's got an amazing podcast and he just announced he got engaged. And I was watching a video with him and I believe he said they spent in their first 30 days of dating, they didn't have sex. And they really did an honest assessment of who each one of them are and what they truly wanted. They did an honest assessment of themselves. They knew themselves because they have done personal development, self-help and spiritual work. They actually, by the way, if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self-love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, link below to your copy of the book. They actually feel good about themselves. They have a strong sense of self-love, self-worth, self-reliance, self-esteem, self-confidence.  No, you just have to be, self-love is not a destination. It's a journey. You just have to be at least tipping the scales of love for yourself more than 50% because then you have a capacity to love another. And so they started with clear communication right from the get go. I talk about this radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect or excuse me, radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, dating vows is the rules of engagement. Laying your cards on the table, dating rules of engagement include your standards, your boundaries. You know, laying your cards on the table is really unpacking who you are as a person and it starts by being vulnerable, being authentic and transparent. Now that doesn't mean you share deep dark secrets with a total stranger, but our failed dating technology is why we enter into these relationships that are about ready to explode. And the reason why men commit is they're clueless to this. They're winging it, ladies. But I'm supposed to just sit back in my feminine energy and wait for him to claim me, Jonathan, because that's what I've been told. By the way, to be claimed is property. I just can't stand that phraseology.  You know, it's interesting. Many of you know that my most significant relationship ended. And we had roughly a one-year journey to actually, I think six technically, 14, 15 months. 13, 14 months. Anyway, Marie and I had a conversation yesterday. We spent two hours on the phone. And what we did was we unpacked not why this didn't work out, but what we learned from our experience. What we learned from our experience. We practiced, if you're not familiar with the work of Catherine Woodward Thomas, we practiced conscious uncoupling. I recommend this, recommend, recommend, recommend. God, I'm really having a tough time today, this book. You know, in that conversation, it was very heart-centered conversation about what we'd learned about each other. And we identified where we were different. We identified the red flags that we kind of painted green. But the same time, you know, we went into it with the best intentions. And we went into it with as close to, as radically honest as we could be. And still two people might not be a fit for one another long term because the real challenge is today, what does the container of a relationship look like? I don't know if I have an answer for you per se because each one of you has to figure that out on your own. I'm just aware that I learned so much from this experience that I'm better prepared for any new experience I have in my life. And I hope this understanding of why people don't commit is because we are fallible human beings doing the best we can for the most part. And a lot of the angst and judgment and fears and resentments and name-calling and speculating. And I'm talking about when we blame the other person instead of taking ownership for our part is no wonder dating is the failed technology. Cause I think when two great people get together and they get married, they have the greatest chance for success. So even Rabbi Manus Friedman's goal is based on good intentions, but it starts with clearly knowing who you are, what you want, how to vet for that capacity, for vet that person if they fit into your life. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. In addition, if you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit the notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. All right, we're gonna take questions, but first I wanna give props to Terry who gave us a $50 super sticker. Folks, if you have a question for me, write the word question and then post the question there after. Or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. It's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and in his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and the Seeds of Love, which is an organization out of Columbia, Cartagena Columbia, I believe. All right, folks, let's start. It's time for Q and A. I wanna hear what you have to, tell me what you thought about this presentation. I really wanna get a discussion going on this. So, and I can't go back. One of our Facebook members in my private group, it's interesting how your perspective changes. I disagreed with the month and get married idea of the rabbi. I do agree with your recent perspective that about a year going through four seasons is reasonable to get a point of love and commitment where they're going the distance is possible. Many in the first five years, roughly post-divorce, don't wanna get married again, but with time, healing may find they are better able to be compatible and willing to commit.  I mean, all in, I'm all in. Does it happen then right on the first site? Does it happen the first three months? Does it happen within a year? I think men know within the emotionally healthy men. Let me be clear. Those growers and builders, emotionally healthy men, they know within 90 days if they're feeling it or not. They really know it with, excuse me, within 90 days if they really see potential with this person. And those men will progress the relationship forward. That's roughly, this is not a science. The hard part is all the spenders and the users out there that are emotionally constipated, emotionally dysfunctional, their attachment styles are involved, they're all over the map. They're almost, they're almost incapable of true commitment with one another but they enjoy the occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex. So, I'm not agreeing with the rab. I think what I appreciate about what the rab I said was merely to be intentional. Maybe it's just to be, to have the dating vows within the first 90 days. That would be a better way of approaching it rather than marriage. So that's just my perspective on that. By the way, sometimes folks, my perspective changes because I've learned new things. I'm not here, I wanna be clear. There is no expert in this field. There's, I mean, there's a lot of people that study things but there is no such thing as a perfect person that can give you perfect advice. I merely offer perspective. I'm just share what I learn and I pass it on. And to the extent that I coach, I have a system to help women get better, get clearer on who they are and what they want, how to vet, how to a vet for emotional maturity. But this is, there's no real science to this. As much as people do research and science and try to figure this out, there is no such thing as one size fits all. Generally speaking, that's, there's some truth. Generally speaking, but there's always exceptions to the rules and that's the real chaotic aspect of all of this. Hope that, that's just another rant I have. Elizabeth says, I like this channel. Thank you, Jonathan. I get to get my workout in and I find a reason not to. I'll replay the video later, chin up. Everything works in the end. Thank you so much. All right, here's a question. Could you post that agreement? The dating vows, here it is, here. Yes, I'll post it. Let's see, I think I have it here. Folks, if you wanna get a copy of the dating vows, go to www, should I even say it? Go to JonathanAsley.com forward slash dating vows or click the link in the description of this video, okay? Hope that helps. Okay, let's keep going to comments. I gotta take off this banner. Okay, you know, one of our Facebook members, I agree I've seen your perspective change or broaden in the past couple of months. You know, perspective. Perspective, that's all it is. There's no fact in all this. Yes, there's some general truths that we can, there are some strong general truths, but I offer perspective just to raise consciousness and the most important perspective I invite all of you to do is first know thyself, heal the wounds, be clear on who is compatible with you. I've never deviated from that perspective. It's just very chaotic and wishy-washy because one size doesn't fit all. It just doesn't. And even when you do everything right, Marie and I did everything right and it still didn't work out. From a long-term perspective, but boy, let me tell you the quality of a relationship isn't measured by time because I had this amazing experience with this amazing human being, but we just at the end of the day, there was enough differences that made no sense to continue moving forward and that's okay too. We have this brand expectation that death do us part. The attorney, the divorce attorney says it's a failed technology because love is the failed technology, the belief that love solves all the problems. It doesn't. By the way, I only yell because I'm passionate about this. All right, if you have a question, post a question. Coach Amy says, am I the only one I'm interested in meeting someone who has a high need for transparency, authenticity, discuss and time together.  Who am I, who I'm not best friends with? Come on Amy, you know most people feel that way. You don't need to single yourself out. Mary, Jen, Hannah, I can't pronounce your name. I really do like about this show that Jonathan do you recommend some self-help books too. Awesome, thank you, I appreciate that. Terry M says, I'm sorry that you're still going through the breakup Jonathan, I appreciate you sharing your challenges. You went through. You know what's interesting folks? The old Jonathan would immediately went on the date. Well actually, no, that's not true. Immediately go on the dating apps to replace the relationship. In fact, I did briefly go on the dating apps because the old Jonathan was still very prevalent in me. You know, taking time to heal after the ending of a relationship is critically important. Taking time to heal your heart, not jumping into a new relationship, not getting physical with someone and really sit with what did I learn about myself in this experience? The positive things I learned about myself, how did I heal from this experience? What was good about the relationship and what am I most grateful for? You know, I don't know when I'll put myself out there. I'm gonna share my journey and my experiences because that's how I teach. I would say 80% of my coaching is based on all of the research I've done through 20,000 hours of coaching in the last almost 17 years. But also my own experiences because I think when you share from your own experiences, it gives some context to how challenging this all is. Dating is a failed technology. Love is a failed technology. Marriage is a failed technology. According, that's just my perception anyway. Oh, here's Wanda has a question. How do I get a good man on a dating site? I have had red flags and spenders and users and love bombers. I want better. Any ideas how to find the right one, someone close to me?  Let's recognize that most people on dating apps and dating sites, just like most everybody in real life because humans are not right for you. Why? Because most humans are rather dysfunctional. So first, clean up your own act emotionally speaking. Do a lot of work to become what you want to attract. And then start with attraction techniques. Start really tapping into your intuition because the dating sites, let me just say something. Dating apps can marginalize people and it can make people very bitter and jaded, especially when we judge people. One of the things I always recommend my clients do, if you're swiping left, which means no, is you say, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love, I'm sending you love.  So all you're doing is feeding your mind with negativity. It's now I invite you to feed your mind with love. That would be the first thing I recommend you do. Juan, does feed your mind with love? All right, let's see what else we have. Does anyone have a question? Write the word question, then post the question there after, okay, we've got a few here. And Terry wants to remind us all, personal growth is so important. We're always learning and growing, exactly. Gigi has a question. Has your perspective on texting changed? We are still growing strong where the naysayers are broken up, just saying. Texting is the weakest form of communication. First off, I believe 80 to 90% of communication is non-verbal, it's hand gestures, it's pheromones, it's eyebrow movements, it's all this stuff. So texting is the weakest form of communication, number one. Number two, it's a lot of, by the way, I cannot properly communicate my thoughts with my thumbs. I habitually make mistakes with my thumbs or my fingers. So it can create a lot of misinterpretation. But most texting communication is how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm really thinking about you today. Oh my God, I'm loving, I really miss you today.  It's all this nonsensical communication and maybe some of it feels deep, but it's impersonal. It's not intimate, even though it might seem intimate, because people who rely on text are usually people that have some real emotional constipation. You gotta do it face to face. Well, Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and we've been communicating for nine months and we haven't met each other because we live in two continents, blah, blah, blah, you guys are insane, okay? Do not, here's the rule of thumb. You need to meet someone when you first communicate with them as soon as humanly possible.  And if you can't then eliminate that person until you can and don't communicate because you'll be setting yourself most likely up for a disaster of monumental proportions. In this 90 day fiance, the other way, there's this lesbian couple. And one of them clearly said, I don't want children. And the other one says, I want children but I'm open to not having children. Well, now that she's the one woman flew from Tennessee to England and the other woman's excuse for not wanting to go any further is she clearly doesn't want children, the other one does. You know, that should have been clear about this ahead of time, but they spent years communicating to have it literally implode and you've invested so much of your heart. You know, relationships is not for the emotionally weak. If you are faint of heart, do not enter into a relationship. You gotta have some real thick skin because you gotta be prepared for the fact is it's statistically speaking, marriage, relationships, dating is a failed technology. I know this doesn't give you hope but I'm here to invite you all. If you become the best version of yourself and you do a better job of vetting, you put the odds in your favor, be the best version of yourself and then find someone who is the best version of their self. That's critically important to really good people get together. They have a greater chance for success, to emotionally grown up people, to people that have good communication skills.   And by the way, men have equal issues. Let me be clear, I'm not absolving men but just because you have duct tape over your mouth you can't blame us for not being clear about your emotions and your feelings. I get so riled up, I get armpit sweat stains. Ronnie's in the house. How do I make my heart stop wanting to go back to a relationship I know will never work because he's emotionally constipated?  You know when a child is looking at a flame, like, oh, look at the stove, there's a flame. I want to touch the flame. You parents are like, no, no, no, no, no. But the child says, but it's so pretty. Everyone, your emotional child is running the show for the adult.   I'm going to move on. It's a difference between the emotional child and the adult. There's nothing easy about this work. Do meditation, start to do workshops, talk to people, create a community of friends so you can start occupying your mind in different, but if all that free time is focused on him, that's delusional thinking. Many of you are suffering from delusional thinking, unrequited love. Spend a month doing it and then move on. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Holly says, what is your most profound, successful coaching you can share with us?  Very few of you have real strong role models in your life that are genuinely looking out for your best interest. And not to say that I'm in that capacity, but I operate from a, I actually, when I coach a client, I come at it tough love. It's called radical honesty, heart centered radical honesty. It's direct tough love with a lot of heart. And I find most women just want some masculine energy to hold space for them. But to also, I think that the thing I pick up most is their blind spots. A man can see a woman's blind spots in the romantic realm better because women don't give women really good advice.  And that guy doesn't exist for the most part, I'm speaking generally speaking, but I can determine a woman's blind spots because in a way I see how they are with me and how they might be with men. So Holly, that would be my perception. By the way, if you want to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you, click there. Okay, Marant, God, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Myr, Jaina, whatever. Getting physical with someone is higher level into connection of souls no matter how do you see yourself in the modern world. I don't know if that's a question, but thank you. Gigi doesn't agree with me. I don't engage, or we don't engage in non-sexo communication texting, stop judging what you refuse to hear me say. I didn't, okay. I'm just generally speaking, Gigi, I apologize. I am speaking generally for most people. So, but I do believe texting is the weakest form of communication. That is what I truly believe. Does who believe, do you guys believe texting is the best form of communication, the middle form of communication or the weakest form of communication? And why aren't you getting on the phone to talk? That would be my question. Lizette says, what is the attraction techniques? I'm not sure how I framed it earlier, but let's face it, a lot of the pickup artists, the red pill community, they all focus on attraction techniques to convince a woman to like them. So I would say, look up those, because I don't know them. Lolita says, it is emotionally, I agree it's emotionally draining to text constantly without an in-person interaction, I can't do it. I'm in the same boat. Why do book authors put the emphasis on visual side as the property of men while the women should show improve much? No, by the way, the boatloads of books here, my books, books by written by doctors, not, by the way, yes, pickup artist coach books will do exactly what you describe, but real doctors, real therapists, write some really substantial information. You see, the thing is, books is only one piece of the puzzle. It's doing the work that the books represent that's the most important piece. Or working with a coach that can see your blind spots and help you in those areas. Ms. Egart says, I was honest and talked about my past traumas and my relationship said, I shouldn't have done so, why? Well, I don't believe in vomiting your past traumas. I think you have to find out about the other. First off, know your past traumas and have you healed from your childhood wounds and traumas? Have you healed or are you healing them? And it's a conversation to find out, I think it was Dr. Sadie Khan that said, the most important thing to know is your own wounds and how that will affect a relationship. The guy might have said you shouldn't have done that, but it's a person that probably couldn't be hold the container of a relationship because if someone knows where, oh my God, I interviewed Dr. Ray the other day and we talked about knowing thyself is knowing where your own red flags lie. And by sharing that now, before some level of trust has been built, I can understand why that might not been appropriate. I think it's important to build some trust with another person. But what's most important is you're vetting him. If you spoke sincere and from your heart, you can't scare off the right person. You only scare off the wrong person. But then again, I don't believe we should vomit everything either. I think it's just first be aware of it for yourself and how this would affect it. Know your wounds and traumas and how it affects how you are in relationship. And if it dramatically affects how you could be in relationship, then work on healing those or be clear with a partner. These are my wounds and say, and find out what his wounds are and make agreements that you're gonna support each other through this process. By the way, that's not exactly what I'm saying. I'm just giving it in a generalized sense. Lisa says, a lot of us need a daddy. Yeah, sadly, yes. Okay, one of my Facebook members in my midlife love mastery group, there's a link below to join my private group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. She writes, I've been in a casual relationship with this guy for two and a half years, thought I didn't want the casual relationship. So I've been dating other guys, but nothing works out. I realized that he is the only constant in my life and I'm the only one he is seeing. He knows I see others. He doesn't like it, but deals with it. I'm now thinking I just wanna see him and see where it goes. What do you think? Will this ever change? Agreements with one another. Define the container. I shared this story once before a woman came to me wanting some coaching. He said, Jonathan, I'm in a relationship for nine months and I want more commitment. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from the guy. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from the guy. I'm like, great, what does that look like for you? And she screamed it at me and said, you're not listening to me. And I said, you're not making any sense. What does commitment look like for you? This is the whole conversation is, if we're not gonna get married, then what is the container of this relationship? What is the foundation? What agreements have you made with one another? These are the conversations to get some clarity on one another with one another, excuse me. You know, the divorce attorney wrote a book. And I haven't read the book, but I'm gonna speculate here. He took every reason why people got divorced and reversed engineered it. See, that's what we should be thinking about, looking at our past relationships and reverse engineering every single experience we have.  Intimacy and money. Two primary reasons why marriages fail. Could possibly be the main reasons why short-lived, you know, people that have only been dating for a couple of years fail. It's usually intimacy and money. And intimacy means into me you see. People enter into a relationship with very little trust with one another. What is trust? Trust is, can I count on this person to have my best interest at heart?  That's like a recipe for disaster. That doesn't build trust. Trust is built through agreements. That's how trust is built, amongst other things. Holly says, do you agree that if you're starting a new relationship, you don't share your past traumas and hurt because you appear unhealthy and light? By the way, my coffee mug says swear a little, you'll feel better. I think understanding yourself, and if you've done a fair amount of introspective work and healing, could scare a person who is not introspective and hasn't done healing. I think when two people who are very clear on who they are, their childhood wounds and traumas, and they talk about it, I think build intimacy with one another. Now, if they're still active in their trauma, they can bond if they're two people are active in their trauma. And this happens so often. They're active in their trauma and they share their traumas and they bond together in their traumas. Usually it's usually throwing their ex-spouse under the bus. That's the primary one that happens most of the time. They're throwing their ex-spouse under the bus and they bond in this experience. I share the story. I once dated a woman who told me that, I said, why'd your relationship end with your first marriage? She goes, oh, he was a narcissist. And I'm like, what happened in your last relationship? Oh, he was a narcissist. I'm like, what about the guy before that? Oh, he was a narcissist.   I'm gonna be her hero because I don't believe I'm a narcissist. And we dated for six weeks and I was just like, it was just, we were just not aligned with one another.  Oh, we shared a few things in common. We had some physical attraction. And I'm like, this relationship doesn't work for me. And do you know what I saw on Facebook the next day? Another narcissist was literally her comment. I'm like, I didn't listen to the six ones that she dated. I painted the red flag green. Anyway, just food for thought. Gigi said, who could talk on the phone for three hours? We are busy people. We can text on and off. Gigi, I don't need to, you don't need me to convince you to do what you're doing. I'm just keep doing what you're doing. You don't need me to convince you, okay?  That's all generally speaking, but you can always be the exception to the rule. Indian beauty wants to remind us, men are terrible to replying to texts, especially when you're being vulnerable. Yeah, that's a really hard thing to do. Texting is the worst. I agree. It's the weakest form of communication.  That you don't need me to convince you. Sweet chick says, that's the problem, trusting people is so hard these days. How do you trust someone after you've been lied to continuously? That's hard. And I'd say forgiveness. First, forgiveness for self. And really forgiving the other person. I know that could be hard. It doesn't absolve them of their indiscretions, but forgiveness is, if you can't forgive, you're just gonna, most likely everyone's gonna pay the price in the future. How do we heal our attachment style issues? Read these two books, Wired for Love and Attached would be a good start. Wired for, by the way, links below to get a copy of the books I recommend. All right. The discipline, okay, question. The discipline can bring this comfort in life of play. The marriage is the commitment no matter what. Why then men ruin the families? Human beings are infallible, imperfect. The why is irrelevant. We can spend all day on the why, but really the question is, what are you gonna do going forward for yourself? That's what matters most. JNAT says, vocal intonation is a large factor in communication. Texting is convenient, but takes less effort than everything else. Even email is better. Oh, Steve wants to say, Jonathan, you're correct with the Prince Charming syndrome. Yeah, you know, I've noticed that a lot of female coaches, this is a judgment, I'm setting myself apart from them. They set women up for the Prince Charming narrative. In other words, you should only be dating the perfect guy. Perfect guy doesn't exist. I am nowhere near the perfect guy. And if you're not the perfect guy, should you be out there in the dating marketplace? Well, by the way, you just eliminated 97% of the population or more, but the perfect guy syndrome is the Prince Charming syndrome. The guy doesn't exist. We humans are rather dysfunctional. It's just some have done the work to navigate their emotions. They have a capacity to be more vulnerable, authentic and transparent. They have their act together. And as Nicole says, there's no perfect guy. There's no perfect lady either. Anyway, hey, I had fun sharing this all with you today. Did you get value from this? If you did, please let me know. Go Jonathan, this was very, just share with me how you felt about this conversation. Did it resonate with you? Is there something you'd like to add? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. If you're watching the replay, post a comment below. Dating is a failed technology because most humans do not know what the container of a relationship and most humans over 40 don't know what a container of a relationship looks like. Getting some clear understanding about what that looks like helps. And I'm just gonna end on what I've shared habitually on previous videos. I've said this before and I'm gonna say it again. I'm not ready for it, but this is what I'm looking for. A relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either living together or getting married at some point. That's at least some semblance of a container. And then what are the values you put into the container? That's up to you what those values you put into the container. Describe what the container looks like and then what values are you gonna put in the container? When you solve that and the other person is in agreement with you, you have a greater chance for relationship success. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm gonna do it as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Holly and JNAT and Wanda and Terry and Steve and Dale and Taisha Corey Girl and Barbara and Nicole and Gigi and Lindsay and Mary Jane and Paula and Sweet Chick. I can't pronounce half of these names. Thanks so much for being on. Please let me know if you appreciate this. I'd love to hear your thoughts and post a comment below as well. All right, take care. Bye now.


So the second one is the side kick and what you want to do is to kick there and then usually in the form we have this long salvo salvo right just in case it punches coming through All right, so that's the second wing chin kicking technique


One Ross here. Good evening. I hope you're well. It's October already. People watching here in the UK. The dark nights are drawing in. So I hope you're well. Just like to talk to you about questioning. Probably the most frequently used teacher instructional intervention in our classrooms on a day-to-day basis. And one of the earliest historical accounts that at least I can try to find in some initial research often dates back to Socrates. And I've got a little bit of research here before I share some strategies. So here it is here. Let me just pop that up on my screen. So a little case study written 2009. And what it is kind of suggesting is that questions are process that obviously helps students or helps teachers ask questions, help us reflect, help students think critically about subject matter. I guess the question is how many questions do we pose in day-to-day lessons? What makes a good question? Are all our questions effective, etc. There's a study that they reference in here by Levin and Long in 1981 that reported that teachers ask as many as three to four hundred questions daily. So simple calculations. That's 60 questions every lesson. If you do the maths 190 days in an academic year, teachers could be asking up to 190,000 questions in one academic year. So my new book, Guide to Question, which is published next September. Part of the research that I'm kickstarting this term is to visit classrooms and schools across the UK. So in my newsletter, I'm going to be putting out a call to teachers that are interested in taking part in some simple observations to tally questions that are posed and then the constructs of questions, how they're framed. So if you're interested, I'll be publishing that shortly. But let me just put three resources up for everyone for you to grab. So the first one is 10 questioning strategies. We know questioning is a key tool for teachers and through questioning, teachers can gain an insight into what people know, that phrase check for understanding. So I'll go through the first five on here very briefly and I'll sign post two more resources for you. And the first one there on the screen, make a statement, ask the students to agree or disagree with you, justifying their response. For example, I believe chickens used to fly or they can fly is an interesting way to get some questioning taking place in the classroom. Idea two, that collective response, particularly with group work, it's important to sign roles. So you scribe, you do the talking, you do the reporting back, nominating different students, particularly vulnerable students. So there's a collective responsibility, a collective response for the class. Another useful technique scan the room. We do it with through nonverbal signals, through a body language.  It's personal, but I would probably advocate refrain from maybe stating a student's name, keep the question, keep the person's name back, pose the question, create the conditions that ensures all students think about your question, not just one. Then the fourth one, paraphrase. So this helps with cognition cognitive load.  So the rest of the students understand, you might want to add more detail, more knowledge or paraphrase and make it a bit more student friendly. This also ensures all students hear the key information, particularly when a student might whisper. Number five, probably the worst thing a teacher can use in the classroom. And I have been guilty of this thousands of times. Avoid who can tell me or who wants to explain at all costs. It's a simple way of giving the students the option to opt out. No, sir. Sorry, I can't tell you. Miss, I don't know what to do. We need to try and avoid those don't know scenarios. So instead specify a group or individual names or insist on a response. We've got five more here at the bottom. So number six, the why or how, that self explanation, the elaboration, all research informed study skills. This keeps the discussion moving, elicits deeper evaluation in the students are really important and easy fix. Seven, multiple choice. It's important to make the choices very hard to improve and retrieval strength. So for example, if I ask you what tomato ketchup up is, and I give you the choices, a sauce, a star, a vegetable or a plant, I make the choices too easy. And I don't support stronger retention. So it's important to ensure practice exercises such as multiple choice have desirable difficulties included. Number eight here on the screen, making mistakes. So it's important for us to deliberately model the process, asking students to prove what's right, what's wrong, what's the best way to do it. Not many teachers know about the research on cognitive apprenticeship. I've blogged about this a lot. I've also shared some resources on my site in my new book guide to memory. I've written about it and in the research that I've gathered probably 10,000 bits of data or so from teachers that took part in the research, very few are comfortable or know what it is. Whereas cognitive load theory, we're very familiar with this. So do look up cognitive apprenticeship, particularly in the reference to number eight here on the screen. Number nine, vary the thinking. So vary the types of questions. I'm going to give you good 12 ideas in a moment. So hang on. The question matrix on my website, probably the most popular resource. However, when I visit schools, so this is moving outside of the Twitter bubble particularly, not many people have seen it or heard of it. And it's hard for us all to keep up with lots of resources. Number 10, too much or too little. I guess the key thing I've learned from all the things that I've been reading is the importance to pause. So think cognitive load theory, plan key questions, check for understanding and illicit thinking, draw it out. This data should shape the direction of the lesson and what should happen next. So there's your first 10 ideas. You can download this with lots more information behind the scenes if you're interested. The second resource I have for you here is seven ways to design some questioning strategies. So let me just put that up here on the screen. So the first one is designing task-based questions. These are designed to answer the question. So for example, an explicit question with a task. So an example of some questions like this might include how many pockets are there on a snooker table? Why does the earth rotate through night and day? Can you walk from London to Berlin, etc. So that gets straight off into an activity. A thesis-type question. These times of questions are to pose a hypothesis to illicit thinking and perhaps a position or a view. So for example, who did the Romans fight with? Should Britain have left Europe? Is misinformation a made-up theory? As an example, question three, meta-type questions. So meta-type questions here, philosophical concepts which lead to further questions. Probably one of my favorites. So is breathing clean air free? Why is an orange named the color orange, but a banana not named yellow? Did the chicken come first? Did the tin or the tin open or come first? Those types of questions. This is a really good one for teachers in classrooms. The start-set research questions. So you start the lesson, kids research, then they set it to end and report back. So for example, we might say to kick-start a debate or to help provoke students' thoughts as they leave a classroom or pose to illicit inquiry during or after the lesson. Perhaps it could be anecdotal or for example, why did President Donald Trump not attend Biden's inauguration? So you could go off and do the research and report back. The next idea. I've got three more for you before I finish off. Empirical questions. So these types of questions are largely factual statements that require checking. So some examples, how many borrow pens are there in your classroom? How many moons does Jupiter have? Is a panda bear more black or more white in color? And students tend to really enjoy those. Multiple choices are already mentioned, so they need to be tricky rather than easy. So they're good for setting an agenda, great for starting a lesson. They're good for suggesting things that students may not ask themselves. You can hide the options before revealing the choices. You can include silly options, but I would try to avoid this because you're not going to improve retrieval strength. And you can give two possible options also that could be right answers, which are great for discussions throughout the lesson. The last one, you're implicit or explicit your closed questions. So kind of statements are obviously good here. So some examples, what is a letter or is A, the letter A, is A a letter or what is a teacher or is Ross McGill a teacher? So other ways of thinking about opening closed questions. Now, five ways to design some tantalizing teasers. So great ways to start lessons off with some good question methods. The what ifs a great question format designed to query the norm. So some examples might be here. What if there was only one religion? What if there was no color blue? What if all countries were islands? So what ifs a great way to almost act a little dumb in classroom to get students started to translate from student to teacher to start giving you back the answers, the things that they know. Second idea here, alternative uses. So these are really good for as a question format designed to consider differences. So some examples might be how many uses can you think of a paperclip? What could I use this biropen for as an example? Other things, how many uses can you think of for a car tire, for a brick, for a slipper, just change the product? That's an endless strategy. So real questions, obviously these are very abstract. So obviously we have to be cautious and consider the age of the children that you're working with. So some things that you might want to consider, obviously context is key, but what would the floor say to the ceiling if they could speak to each other? How would you wash an angry emotion? Is giraffe a good name for a giraffe? Could a dream dream all sorts? So probably slightly older students, not exclusively older, year six upwards perhaps, shoot me down if I'm wrong, but obviously they can get a bit more complex as you can go up the school years. Big questions. So these ones, philosophical questions, why isn't the earth called water if it's two-thirds water and a third land? Is it possible for fish to drown? Can a shadow feel pain? So there's lots here in this resource and you can get these all on my website. The last one, would you rather, some of you might have played this on a Friday night in the pub. So these questions are designed to elicit making choices. So would you rather be a fly or a butterfly? Would you rather be a noun or an adjective? Would you rather play 12 instruments or 12 languages? Or would you rather be putting your feet up or watching Ross on a live stream? So I'm going to leave it there. My videos every Monday night just to keep you updated with some ideas, some new resources or things you might not have tried or share this video with a colleague. And let me know if there's anything else you'd like to see. I'm on my travels to schools in Belfast and in Poole over the next few days, as well as grappling with my new book, Guide to Memory. I shall see you soon. Thanks for as ever for watching. I'll see you next Monday. Have a great week. Bye for now.