She'll shake.  She'll she'll spin around if you ask her like they just they pick it up Yeah, he's got to work with them a lot in the in the first few weeks Like you said, it's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah, baby, but faster Well, that's a relief.  Oh, yeah, I'm sure there is Let's give that a shot It was a little dark, isn't it? You're kind of Scott after dark today Why is that Scott Johnson? Oh, remember that McDonald's had that after that guy with them Has nothing's changed. Oh, there you go better. Okay, all right. Oh, there you are. That's me Light boy Hey, everybody, it's light boy. Oh, hey Sam. Is that dog bed gonna be yours? Sounds like thank you for buying me this very large comfortable bed.  What are we doing? Why is this happening? All right Well, we will distract you from your first day dog tails with an amazing half hour of tech news Dog tails Is It's today The thing after the deal what am I trying to say the first day of the rest of your life. No the bonus show No, how you missed this month. That's right. It's next month. I'll be next month. You'll be around Remember what I did That's right. I was gone. I remember all this now. It's all coming back. I Remember like it was two weeks ago Like it just happened Duck tails now see you got to look what you did. No, that's all you're gonna think about you made me do Remaking that or am I thinking of something else? But duck tails. Yeah, it's on the remake is out in the world as far as I know Okay, I was never in duck in that I was too old for duck tails. I guess or maybe not too old But I didn't watch it Yeah, so I need so it was not a thing that I was as excited as say Garrett about Like see that oh Ever we had our thing they have their thing it was a lot of heat Because I basically told oh it's you 30 never mind. I'll save that story for after yeah. Yeah, you guys ready Here We're gonna go in 10 seconds. I'm gonna try something today I think we'll make my life easier like to plan it later There we go five four three two Thanks to everyone who supports daily tech news show directly to find out more head to daily tech news show comm slash support This is the daily tech news for Wednesday August 22nd 2018 in Los Angeles. I'm Tom Merritt and from a chaotic studio feline Oh, you got to put canine in there soon from Salt Lake City where we finally have rain. I'm Scott Johnson We blessed the rains down in Utah In 10 days 10 hot days without any and a lot of smoke in the air from you guys Thanks very much. So this game and shmooped it all out of the sky cleaned us out. It's it's awesome It's like we had a bath about time for some shmoopin. Yeah, I agree and Sarah in less than five words How's day one with the dog? Yep, okay, that's that's about right That's less than five words, right? Correctly sums up day one with a dog Continued no our producer Roger Chang is here as well Roger. No, no, let's start with a few tech things you should know Facebook head of cybersecurity policy and Nathaniel Glitzer opposed to the Facebook and Instagram have removed hundreds of accounts and pages for coordinated inauthentic behavior Thanks to help from security company fire I all of the accounts were attempting to sway political opinion in the US Syria and Ukraine The accounts appeared to originate in Iran and Russia I'm closer Twitter also announced that it had banned 284 accounts for coordinated manipulation also originating in Iran China has shut down at least eight. That's right. Count them eight blockchain related news accounts on WeChat 10 cent Who owns and operates WeChat said the accounts were shut down for publishing information related to ICOs and cryptocurrency trading In violation of regulations that demand content providers comply with quote national interests on quote and public orders separately Beijing's central Choi Yang I'm gonna say district now forbids hotels offices and shopping malls from hosting events promoting Cryptocurrencies a bit of a crackdown there and Qualcomm has followed Huawei and announcing its next system on a chip will be built on the 7 nanometer process node Qualcomm says it can be paired with a Snapdragon X 55 GModem and is already being sampled to multiple manufacturers They expect 5g mobile hotspots to sit ship with this chip set by the end of 2018 and smartphones with it in the first half of 2019 well, let's talk about how Fighting fires in California relates to your data cap Scott Well, let's get a little litigious not us, but some people and by people I mean states 22 US states have filed a lawsuit to Reinstate net neutrality guidelines an addendum of that suit details throttling the Santa Clara County fire departments Unlimited data account while fighting the Mendocino complex fire earlier this year This wasn't that long ago Santa Clara County fire chief Anthony Bowden Said Verizon slowed the unlimited account or throttled it as we might say despite being informed It was impeding crisis response and essential emergency services Verizon required the department to switch to a more expensive plan before restoring normal service People use their own accounts or borrowed from other agencies until the building department worked out the switch Verizon told ours Technica that a this was a customer support mistake and that its policy is to lift throttling in emergency situations So they claim it was a goof Everybody's real mad at him for this. Yeah, it's a pretty bad customer support mistake even if that's all all it was Yeah, it's a lives on the line customer support mistake like literally like the you know The the fire department fighting the Mendocino complex fire, which if you haven't heard about is one of many wildfires That were burning in much larger areas Then then past fires. It was one of the worst wildfire years on record for California Santa Clara County fire was of course not alone in fighting it But that's what they had to start borrowing data connections and scrambling and that's something you don't need to deal with when you're fighting a fire So yeah Don't make that kind of mistake Verizon. I'm usually fairly forgiving with like hey, you know, we all make mistakes But when it comes to emergency preparedness and Cooperation if your policy is to cooperate you make sure every customer support agent knows to do that I I would like to hear more about how they're going to make sure this doesn't happen in any case earthquakes Volcanoes whatever in the future Whether it's a net neutrality violation or not as interesting Verizon says well No, this is a plan that would existed under the old open internet guidelines It wouldn't have been any different plan wise, but the complaint system is different now So as far as Santa Clara County goes They have to complain to the Federal Trade Commission now about this and the Federal Trade Commission would look at it as a rate regulation thing Whereas before they could go straight to the FCC. Yeah, we don't we're not gonna have time to do it today But it does bring up some interesting conversations that could happen around This stuff being a utility whether we have it being whether it's an officially in a utility or not We're more and more cases arise where it's like we have to expect a company to behave like a utility With more regulation than they currently have and I don't know if that could be an interesting discussion on the show maybe a later date Well, you know what else is interesting Google assistant now responds to the command Tell me something good or you could sing it if you happen to like that song Responses will include stories that are curated by the solutions journalism and network from a database of four thousand stories focused on solutions to society's problems for example Reviving the honeybee population. I know I care about that or preventing teen alcohol abuse also a good one So, yeah, it's not just fluff stories about like this cute kitten found a home It's actually like these are important stories about positive advancements being made The solutions journalism network is not something I was aware of before this and I think that's fantastic As a break from the constant drumbeat of negativity you get in the news today and and not being like Oh, but I'm missing out. You're hearing important things I just wonder if after you say tell me something good. Can you then ask it to tell me that you like it? Oh, I hope not But it is interesting. We're gonna we're moving I got an answer and you can certainly say that We're moving that local flavor new late night news story the local flavor stories We used to always get on the news He's still get them, but it's like later today a cat was stuck in a thing and here's a dog who plays basketball Yeah, we're basically moving that to services like this and I am a hundred percent cool with it No, we're not I mean I want to make sure that that point is clear dog playing basketball cat stuck in a tree not going to this This is like like substantive stories about like hey We're actually figuring out how to bring the honeybot to be population We've cut down on teen pregnancies like positive stories that mean something not just fluff. Yeah, that's the part I didn't get to yet, but yes, I would prefer less fluff. I don't need to know about dogs playing ping-pong I need to know about kids avoiding alcohol abuse about that. That'd be great. Yeah, it's successfully In that vein I almost feel like the phrase tell me something good it almost doesn't give Enough courtesy to what the idea is because that does sound like tell me something nice Tell me a joke. Tell me. Yeah. Yes. Tell me a fluffy story about a cat in a tree That should be a separate service. Tell me something good, but light Right Yeah, social injustice now, I think I think this is fantastic And you know, I mean, I know it's a it's a press release for Google assistant It's a feel-good PR hit for them But you know, sometimes if the feel-good PR hit is got substance behind it, which this does that's okay So I would like to see something similar and maybe there is if you know of an Amazon skill That does this to let us know maybe it's already out there and it just didn't get the press And I team media lab researchers Fidel adib and Francesco Tonalini have developed technology that let's submerge Submarines communicate with contacts above the water So submarines down there that they can still talk to the boat up there or anything system is called tarf for Translational acoustic RF communication two parts a speaker that resides with the submerged vessel where it would transmit audio signals Causing ripples on the surface of the water just a few micrometers in height And the second part is a modified millimeter radar that would then scan the water detect the ripples and decode them Using a technique called orthogonal frequency division multiplexing complex messages can be sent Currently limitations of the system are one way only from the sub to the plane You can't send back down through the water Can't be used when the waves are taller than six inches because you can't read the ripples and large messages will take a Long time to send it's low bad But Roger, I know this got your eyes. It's pretty cool Yes, so the whole the whole idea is that Typically when you're underwater, you can't really send a message Because well, you're in water and the whole idea it slows It doesn't change the speed of light, but it slows the propagation, right? It slows the propagation and it's And it's also salt water So it's highly impractical unless you're near the surface anyway, for example the Navy to communicate Electronically with a radio signal you have to trail a huge wire behind the boat and it has to be near the surface Don't they're necessarily break the surface of the water But they have to be close to it and even then the messages are very short, right? They're very like launch the missiles don't launch the missiles So the the whole idea is not just submarines, but anything think of a In a plane the Black box right it sinks beneath. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah Continually send out a very simple ping message that planes could then search for on the surface and scan the surface and say Oh, we got it. We got a hit Plane possibly down here instead of trying to do what they do right now, which is look for debris Which may have been shifted by by currents away from the original position Making it very difficult to locate the wreckage of a wreck and so this is like, you know, hugely advantageous It's still in the development stage, but they can get it working I mean the possibilities especially for civilian aviation is huge. Yeah, I mean think of the Malaysian Airlines search Which would never found all of the plane only found bits and pieces of it and never found the black box This could have changed that entire search and it took a long freaking time. Yeah I think this is super cool and it totally interests me But I went and saw that mega movie last night the Megalodon thing Yeah, there is a whole lot of like submarine tech in there that is bunk and terrible So I feel like I am wholly unqualified in my current brain state to discuss this very much Meg has polluted your ability to tell reality from fiction. You're gonna love that movie Tom because you like faster movies But whoo, they go places in a tech way that is not probably in a in a it's probably gonna Paleontologists are probably not gonna like it either You know, I I I hope that other people listening to this will agree that when I first read the story I was like what so what is that what can't they just like pick up a satellite phone or something and talk to each other I did not realize how difficult it was particularly if a submarine was that far below the surface And certainly the concept of saltwater never occurred to me. You know, you figure out of military You know, they know what they're doing But the fact that so much work has gone into something that obviously is this is a beginning effort And it'll get better over time was pretty mind-blowing to me. Yeah, it's cool story. Really All right, what else is cool here in India? Anyway, Xiaomi announced the Poco f1 phone running Android 8.1 Oreo with a snapdragon 845 chip 4,000 milliamp battery Qualcomm's adreno 630 GPU a 6.8 inch 1080p display fingerprint sensor and face unlock 20 megapixel selfie cam and dual rear cameras come into India for 300 bucks Sounds pretty good. Well, some of it is some of it is not totally top the line. It's using gorilla glass 3 So that's three gens back has a plastic back inexpensive speakers No oleophobic coding But Xiaomi product manager Jai Mani told the Verge that Xiaomi read reddit forums Probably some other forums too and determined from those that people really wanted bigger batteries and decent processors So that's the phone that they're getting for the price. Xiaomi also reported revenue rose 68.3% in Q2 on strong smartphone sales combined with a rise in its connected devices section Xiaomi reported net profit of 14.63 billion won compared to a net loss of 11.97 billion won a year ago Revenue from outside China also doubled year over year for Xiaomi and remember not too long ago We reported that Xiaomi had taken over Samsung's lead in India This is this is showing that Xiaomi is more than just the gimmick of We'll make a great phone at a cheap price and sell it online and keep our overhead low They have moved successfully into India and this is really interesting to say, you know what? We looked at reddit and it turns out all the geeks were like I just want a fast processor and a really long battery. I don't care if it's a metal case I don't care if it's pretty and so they're putting their money where their mouth is and saying great Here you go top of the line processor 4,000 milliamp hour battery everything else kind of cheap, you know Do you still do you want it at $300? I mean it's impressive specs at $300 Even if it's old gorilla glass and a plastic back It's really smart to the target that underserved market because this reminds me of you know PC users in a lot of cases don't really care how the thing looks they just needed to work They want the right processor. They want the right video card. This is that same thinking applied to mobile It's a great idea and clearly Apple and Samsung and the like aren't serving that in these areas Oh, yeah, go for it. Why the heck not? Hey some news from valve one of my favorite companies in the world Valve announced a beta version of steam play for Linux that uses valves wine based proton project to let Linux users play Windows only games This is exciting for a number of reasons but steam play now includes native Steamworks and open VR support and an implementation of direct X or sorry direct 3d12 that uses Vulkan for high performance and DX VK a Vulkan implementation of direct 3d11 Games will also automatically recognize any controller supported by steam sometimes more than the windows games themselves Which is kind of cool windows games. They are supporting today with the new steam play beta or quake Tropico 4. I don't know why not tropical 5, but whatever Star Wars Battlefront 2 Doom Doom v fr payday the heist stalker shadow of Chernobyl and others to come They're interesting games because there's a mix of very old and new here are sort of new that doom games only a couple years old Doom VR just came out this year shadow Chernobyl though is freaking ancient So I don't know what the method to the madness is here, but I am excited to hear that they are putting More of their way behind their their plans for Linux. That's good for gamers. Yeah, they basically just need to verify that it runs, right? And and that and that the the company is okay with them selling You know, they're selling it to the Linux people So they have to get the company whose whose game they're selling through steam to say yeah, okay That's that's great. We think it looks like it works, right? You're right Go ahead and sell it to people and we'll you know and we'll be cool with that So the list is according to steam going to grow as as they get more people to sign off It is it is an interesting launch title. It's it's what they could get Yeah, and they also like for example Star Wars Battlefront 2 some may hear that and go Oh, the one that came out last Christmas is their big new hot thing. No that is only available through the EA store Origin you cannot get it on steam what they're talking about is the ancient Star Wars Battlefront 2 which was like 2003 or something Yeah, I don't remember the exact year, but yeah, I I get I'll get more excited as time goes on as more people get On board there's absolutely nothing that should be holding these companies back from wanting their experiences played on as much platforms as possible And this is a great way to to do that and you know valve and Gabe Newell and those guys they love Linux That's all they talk about anymore in there. They've they've made their frustrations with windows be known They've tried a few things to see if they could not and see things those didn't exactly work exactly But this is a great step in that direction for people who want to be on that platform Yeah, this is one of those intersections of promise and demonstration, right? It's not it's not just a bunch of talk because they actually have games that work coming out But it's also not quite the fully realized system that they would like where the majority of Windows games are available They're not but at least you can see like no, this will absolutely work So the idea is if we can get enough studios to let us do this then you can absolutely buy a steam box Or just any Linux box that has the right specs and play your games and not worry about it Whether there are windows only exclusives or not Yeah, it just takes it further away from the hacker realm Which is fine except that it was a little bit difficult for average people to figure it out And I that's always good with Linux. Well, and I'll be very curious This is a little bit of a test of suchomania Uh, windows is all about microsoft is all about open platform as long as you can, you know As long as you can use us use us everywhere and you're not actually using windows here. So will they try to Non cooperate with this will they try to block people? We'll see Yep Folks, if you want to get all the tech headlines each day in about five minutes Be sure to subscribe to daily tech headlines.com All right, sort of a related story. Uh, good old games or gog Gog Has been delivering drm free games since the mid 2000s I remember when they first arrived on the scene and emailed us at buzz out loud back at cnet Talking about bringing classic games back where they could they really Made their name as a distributor of drm free games an open platform They've now launched a site at fck drm.com You know what they're going for but it doesn't actually spell it with the vowels It promotes content without digital rights management The site says that some people don't realize what drm means these days While at the same time They complain about its effects things like losing access to content or even just assuming You can do things like backup or access offline and then finding out you can't because the drm prevents you They also point out the danger of tracking as drm always almost always anyway has to contact a server Uh Gog is owned by cd project The new site lists a few drm free alternatives for gaming. They just list gog There's a bunch of others out there In fact, there's a great site that's been around forever called open source windows.org Slash games If you want to find stuff But I think they are working directly with the people they list to list them So they're not just trying to make a comprehensive directory But for music they list band camp seven digital and e music For books they list project Gutenberg and open Libra for video archive.org's moving image archive and Vimeo Vimeo's on demand section And yes, we can talk about the fact that well, not every piece of music you want Not every book you want not every game you want is going to be available through these So you're kind of stuck with drm if you really want to get the top stuff in a lot of cases But I think it's interesting that Gog feels in English and German that they need to spread the word on this I've been noticing that More and more people are assuming There is copyright protection often where there isn't And acting as if drm is just The the nature of the beast that you'll always have drm Even though for instance music on the itunes store is not drm to people people seem to have Just moved on from that Yeah, it's interesting because cd project red is a company They're based out of Warsaw, Poland. They first came to prominence with the original witcher game and Witcher 3 is considered 2015's best game of that year and maybe one of the best games ever made So they've got that heritage. They're building that cyberpunk game. Everyone's excited about for next year whenever it's going to come out They've got that half of it.  They said hey There's an underserved market out there for old games because it used to be called. I mean you would call it good old games That's where it came from the idea was all go find this ancient game And there's no drm. You're kidding. That's great. I only paid five bucks for it. Oh, that's awesome They have worked over time to build themselves into a legitimate competitor to steam Where I can go and get brand new triple a releases The same day and in some cases cheaper prices than I can at steam and no drm on those big releases Now it's not one for one. They don't have exactly the same catalogs But I what I'm reason i'm bringing all that background up is they've earned a position Uh where they can actually make something like this happen maybe more than somebody else could Because it used to be sure I could get my 90s xcom fix over there But now I can get my brand new triple a fix Why not see that kind of thinking carried over into books music and other places Where they can parlay some of that success and that trust that they've built and Make it a broader thing the only real complaint I have about any of it not really even a complaint but a concern Is their approach to it? It is a little edgy You know, they're basically just saying f drm in this name And I hope what that doesn't do is Stop somebody like I don't know big publishers of books from having a negotiation from looking at this and saying Interesting wonder part of our catalog would fit here instead of seeing it going. Oh, jeez. This looks like internet trolls being Being dickish to the industry that we need to all try to work together on and that's a concern if they can if they can Get past that then I think this has real potential because these guys are proven they could do it at least in one sector Why not these other sectors? Yeah, it's it's the balance of raising awareness with a flashy name That kind of gets across the point. Hey guys, drm's not okay We can't let the fight down Which is what they're doing with this name on the same token tor.com hasn't had drm on their ebooks for a long time I don't know that tor would necessarily jump at the chance to associate themselves with fck dr.com Maybe they wouldn't mind. I don't really I don't want to speak for tor But it's a consideration, right? There are going to be some folks who have the the right idea in mind. Bain books is another and And then maybe a different name would be required So it's like well, do we use this name to kind of get attention? from people and be and have our strong feelings on drm known and then Switch it to f drm later or something like that Yeah, like an f drm is actually probably you get a little bit more But they also have a history of naming things something weird and then turns into something else good old game No longer about good old games. It's about a very different thing now. So I'm fine with it. Like I say, I just I worry about it being perceived as trollish Eh, but maybe that gets things done in our modern era. I don't know I said something like that on slack and I'm not sure I'm totally with it or not But it does seem like you can get some traction by being a little jerky sometimes and Again, I think their their motives are pure. I think they really believe in this as a movement They've shown that before now. We get to see if anybody else wants to tie their wagon to those guys and it'll be fascinating to see if they do I guess no drm.com was taken Uh, probably and drm.com probably taken. Let's look no Because you know, I mean Sorry, if you're the owner of this website, please contact your hosting provider But again, yeah, it's it's it it sort of Makes one sit up and say once that's all about but it's promoting something that obviously the um, the folks Who made it feel very strongly about? Yeah, and they're a cool company They're they got a lot of rad stuff going on although the other day they took some heat for kind of a questionable Tweet it was a little bit along the lines of what I'm talking about They claim it wasn't meant as anything that big a deal. They took it down and apologized But they, you know, they're a little edgy There's some cultural stuff. I don't know. They also didn't spell it with the vowels which uh FOPAA in our chat room says uh when I want to curse around my children. That's what I do I spell it out without the vowels. So they are taking some of that into account They are but they're also at the same time. It's just this sneaky little way of getting away with it And it's like I say it's not it's just me questioning. Is that the best tactic for what could be a genuinely? I don't know how changing it is or how much it changes the way we do things on the internet But it could have a real effect on content and how people think of brm now I feel like brm used to be such a big issue and everybody was talking about it all the time and it's gotten quiet You know, there's not as much concern or people don't think it applies to them as much or something And well as we all know fck drm stands for For community knowledge of drm Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to spell it out without the vowels. It's uh Yeah, we appreciate that Spelling things out without vowels for kids that is like a two-step like you're really ensuring that the kids are No They can spell. Hey, thanks everybody who participates in our subreddit You guys all spell very well actually you could submit stories and vote on others at daily tech news show dot reddit.com You can also chat with us and others on facebook.com slash groups slash daily tech news show All right, what's in the mailbag? Glad you asked tom scott napierre who is working at the office of protection services for the smithsonian institution Has some more thoughts on this idea of hotels and safety and security This is following up on our conversation with shannon morse about def con and some of the stuff that she had seen in her week there Hey scott says several of the larger hotels in the majority of hotels and resorts in los vegas Do have multiple means and methods of checking people's bags upon entry for things like Explosives or weapons now without getting too much into the details of how this is working There are devices at the primary and secondary entrances that are constantly scanning There's personnel and staff trained on how to address these issues if and when they're discovered The same systems are also used at a variety of museums stadiums performance venues throughout the country And they go well beyond the standard metal detector and x-ray machine These devices are still considered to be fairly new, but they're starting to be deployed on a much wider scale security professionals are typically not motivated to stay on the cutting edge because they can't afford to deploy Unproven systems it takes many tests and pilot programs to convince a security professional at the hype and the real world results are the same Thank you scott. I love getting these kinds of emails from from somebody actually working in an industry With familiarity and then applying it to another industry like this. This is this is your show, dude You have so many fans who know this stuff because they're in it It's the best like you're lucky in a way that I think a lot of podcasters have no idea how this works hour show We're also lucky to have scott johnson on the show We sure are And you know, don't tell yourself anything different scott, but do tell us what's new in your world Are we lucky? Are we we are? Yes, there are things going on The internet how does it work? Well, I try to make an attempt to make cool internet things all the time And if you want to follow those things and see what i'm up to and check out my projects You can do that over at frogpants.com all the podcasts all the art stuff I do all that stuff is there and a big plans coming up soon for some other stuff card fulfillment going out the door pretty quick here All kinds of neat stuff again. That's frogpants.com and you can follow me on twitter at scott johnson Hey, man, don't be left behind if you are wanting to take advantage of that amazing battery And and processor that is the dts audience You can talk to other folks in the audience at patreon.com slash dts in our discord and on slack Those are all available to people who support the show Even just a dollar a month five cents a show Gets you the show without commercials gets you extra content gets you a lot of stuff And the chance to talk with folks. So please Go check it out patreon.com slash dts If you have feedback, we'd love to hear it feedback at daily tech news show dot com is our email address We're also live monday through friday join us if you can 4 30 p.m. Eastern 20 30 utc Find out more at daily tech news show dot com slash live back tomorrow adjust and robber young ducty then This show is part of the frogpants network get more at frogpants.com Club, hope you have enjoyed this bro Yes, yes That's a good show That was a wonderful show. Yeah, it went good I really liked our main topic. I hope other people jive on it Yeah, I felt like it's been too long since we talked about a good open source anti drf topic and we got both in today Yeah, like that stuff used to be constantly like when you're every other show was something to do with the rm and And it's as as the The audience that grew up with that has matured and been bashed over the head since they were children Like copyright protection. I feel like there's there's now You know, they are starting to create things and like well I was told to to hoard everything, you know, and I couldn't steal so nobody gets to steal from me I don't know. There's something. There's something there that bugs me. Yeah A finger on it might be a misplaced sense of entitlement No, I don't know That's that's a very common criticism for every generation and I don't think that's what I'm trying to say I'm not saying it's a generation. I'm just saying those people. I don't I don't know that many young people That's not that's not where I'm going with this though. I know what you're saying It's it's more about like there was there used to be to be a rebellious Younger person you'd like fight against the DRM and now it's to be a rebellious younger person You create something and then fight against people taking it. Yeah is it a little bit sure Feels like I don't know just like anything though. This stuff changes over time and it gets weird and and now I feel like it's Just I mean, I don't want to name any names which makes the argument weaker I know but there there are younger producers and editors that I've worked with who say Hey, I see somebody's been taking your stuff and putting it out over here doing this with it You know, should we stop them and I'm like, no, that's why we have a great guns license like You're you're supposed to be cheering for that kind of thing. Like I don't know. There's just been a culture change Yeah, it's the difference too. Like there's that kind of stuff and I'm totally with you on that and then there's stuff like Oh someone Made a mouse mat of this print you made that you drew and had a nerd tackler and they're selling it on the store Well, yeah, that's like, you know, I don't want them selling that And I'm happy to ask for a takedown like a sum or anything, but You know, there's issues like that, but I don't know Just well, it's the the line seems to have shifted from extremely one way to Starting to be extremely the other way. Yeah before It could be just, you know before a lot of people who were creative didn't have outlets to release their work And so, you know, it's like the way television was it was just one direction and now that it flows and yeah It was just that one band one direction one direction that was zamed on his own and Now now everyone has something everyone now everyone has a stake and so yeah, I think that's a big part of it You're right because because and the message growing up was Don't steal from us the big media companies. And so now that they're like, well, here I am I'm a big media company now. I've got my and you taught me that I should protect my stuff. So I want you to put dollar signs on stuff. People get super protective. Yeah. Yeah Um I know it'll swing back. I know I always say follow the money unless it's a quarter that falls in the sewer grate Don't follow that money But that money go is it a collectible. Oh, it's just a quarter. I'll out of your hand It went down the sewer grate down where it's recent issue quarter.  I think if it weren't actually about fires where people got burned I'd be more comfortable with it. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Um For community knowledge drm Yeah, we can do that. That one's all right That's pretty good Done Old girl like last in a plastic bag I love that idea of like, all right, y'all say all you want is processors and battery life There you go. We looked at reddit. We've heard you Here's your phone. Here's your processor. Here's your Move I mean the screen I don't know then I start getting I start thinking about it and I go well, I hope the screen's okay And then I think well, I hope it's at least solid enough to not make squeaky noises when I hold it Like then I start getting back to having a fancy. Uh, yeah All right, and then there's also just just because the chat room Uh room wanted me to say this ping You've got mail You know like sonar ping Oh the submarine. Yes. Oh, I get it. It's not a yellow one But it's a submarine. Yeah. Yeah Like ping You've got mail That's a sound effect title if we if we could do a sound effect title be perfect I think people would get tired of it every time they brought it up ping in Like even the novelty of the apple sounds kind of get grating after a while Like the little bottle and the ribbit ribbit I have a whole show a video game show that is the sound of something called boop the sound of losing That sound of losing I call it a boop show and it's literally a sound effect name. I don't know if it serves me very well, but there it is But you don't it doesn't play Oh Although a lot of people like to answer they'll send emails and they always end it with them making a high-pitched boop in caps or something Boops empty there Boop caps boot caps what you gonna do or what'd you name the dog again? um I named him odis. Oh, I love it short for odis ready lane love it um Yes, he was he started as louie That's another thing.  I don't know I guess my dad was just really good at doing that. You can teach him sit pretty quickly. Oh, yeah Because I'm like do that and he's like No, and I can't make him because he's so big Do you remember uh, who is the uh the head of the studio not dave seedall But the uh the guy of the actual studio space at tech tv steve porter You remember his invention the dog trainer sitter. It was a large disc with a post Gosh, I forgot all about that. Yeah, I did not remember that. I just remember that he lived really far away and drove a lot Well, he was he was a dog breeder on the you know on when he wasn't at work Okay, and one of the things he developed Was a dog training device that was just think of a large disc that the dog could sit on And then the middle would be a post that you would leash the dog to so the dog couldn't just run away because it would be Kept there by his own weight or her own weight But that was like part of the process of training your dog to like Understand and obey commands like sit and You know Tension and food and stuff like that. I don't I don't know that much about training dogs. I mean, I know I know nothing to the point where I'm like Probably could have watched a few youtube videos Well, you still can That's true. That's true And you could call the rescue organization and ask them They've already put me in touch with a trainer that they they work with Who's you know, she has lots of testimonials and everything that's That'll be great I I'm It's probably the size is probably part of it and I actually haven't had a hard time getting him into his great Um, well, I mean I've had a hard time, but I've been able to do it But uh, you know, I was talking to a friend of mine who has a very small dog this morning and she said well You know, is he being destructive or and I said, well, no He's just sitting his crate until we go outside and she's like Well, that's probably not what you should do. I'm like, but I'm terrified. I don't know what else like Great dream can be a good thing. It's if it's I mean, I don't know what the rules are, but That's a great. I mean like our dog wants to be in the crate at night.  Right, right Um, I mean right now it's like I today I didn't have a choice Because it's just not going to work out during the show is fine. I put rey and her crate sometimes during the show That's you know, but then when then you're going to have to let her let him out and that's I that's when you grab the treats And you get his attention and you'll be like sit until he does it then you give him the treat And then you just keep repeating it With fewer and fewer chances for for failure So if he doesn't sit right away once he starts to catch on then you don't give it to him unless Nope, you got to do it right when I say it Do that for a couple of days he'll get set Yeah, that's just one possible way of doing it But it's work. It's work Yeah, I just I I don't I don't know If he's gonna get it He will he will Okay, it's it's the frustration with dogs is that they aren't programmable So you're like, I've done it three times. Why isn't he not you got to you got to do it over a lot Yeah, yeah, and it's funny like sometimes they'll get it right away And it'll fool you into thinking like oh dogs are easy or not. It's you know, it's it's just kind of random When it's like actually catch on but okay So, I mean I I've I've I've tried to sit like a hundred times in less than 24 hours and with zero positive results So when you hold the tree even if you kind of you know do that and they're you are using a treat um Yeah, I mean I you're holding a treat out And waiting for him to come over um Not really Yeah, that's you need to give him a reason to want to sit and then you start associating sit with the command Then eventually you won't have to do the treat, but that's down the road got it.  All right, and then you start associating the word with the treat. Yeah, it's all true That's one way. It's not the only way. Hey, I didn't be the best way. I'm not afraid professional dog trainer No, no, I appreciate I appreciate all the feedback. Um It's just uh, you know, it's just uh, I don't know how people have children. Sorry, Roger and Uh, I mean I love I love that you guys do it, but I don't Part of it is that at some point My my child will be taking care of me. Hopefully. Well, there you go That's a miss. I have to be especially careful not to Unbue any negative feelings about me and wearing of my child. Right, right. Yeah, you know, I was like tough luck dad You're staying in the trail investment It's an investment for your future. Enjoy shady acres. Yes.  You have a half kid half dog like a centaur kid But like the the horse part is a like a great day or something sounds a lot like a movie. I just saw recently, but Yes, that's all I was thinking about that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm Equisapiens roll out So somebody uh asked, uh, well, I don't know like maybe it's too much of a split. I don't even want to Somebody asked me. Oh, what's the what's the uh the sort of premise? You know, just give me the simple plot of the movie and I'm like impossible You can't I I can't do that. I can't I mean not not and be an all representative Right, you can give the trailer premise and it's like that's only like a third of the movie Right.  Yes, we do.  All right, uh cuts and hugs Thank you doggy and uh video folks you guys Take care as well audio folks stick around there's more to come All right


Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the six signs he sees you as important and you're valuable to him, six signs. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms.  It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and tradition. So sift through it, whatever resonates with you great and if it doesn't, that's okay too. All right, let's talk about those six signs a guy sees you as valuable and important to you or to him. So you know what's interesting? I follow many contemporaries in the dating realm and mostly it's interesting, especially when I follow women giving advice to women on what men are supposed to do. Let me repeat that, women giving advice to women on what men are supposed to do and even more so how men are supposed to act and how men feel. I find it very fascinating to me. And a rhetoric that I've shared a number of times that I find just fascinating and both humorous at the same time is what some women project onto others of what value looks like, of what value looks like. And so when I read comments such as things like, well, if a man doesn't value you enough to pay for your valet after a first date, he's not worthy of another date with you. As if paying for the valet is an indication of value. Now I find that ludicrous as a, and now some might see that as an indication of being stingy, might seeing it as cheap but that's a projection. That's based on a lot of a sumptive type of rhetoric and not necessarily how someone values you. So ladies, we are in a dysfunctional dating realm these days. And one thing that makes it so dysfunctional is most humans look at chemistry as equaling relationship success. I'm gonna repeat that chemistry equals relationship success. And so when a man is driven by chemistry, certainly from a biological sense, and I know you've all heard how men are hunters and they love the chase and they love to claim you. Well, it's certainly true that men in the beginning stages might be on the hunt for sex. So they might do a lot of things to demonstrate that you're important and they value you.  And if you're in the dating realm right now, we know that's the farthest thing from the truth, especially since most dating search terms are why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? Why do men just do all the silly things that they do? So today I wanna lean into something more important to get an understanding of how a man genuinely values a person. And by the way, everything I'm about to share is for both men and women alike. This isn't singular to men. This is singular to the human condition. How do we demonstrate to someone that they're actually important to us, that we actually value them? Now I said earlier, we are in a dysfunctional dating realm because most dating rhetoric is hyper-focused on chemistry leading to relationship success without any understanding for most people of who is truly compatible with them. Who is truly compatible with them? Who can actually fit into their life? And if you're not familiar with my relationship, iceberg, I talk about it almost in every video, really quickly, if you can look, you see this is an iceberg and the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline is attraction. And below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Now why this is so critically important is a man could pay your valet, but do you share the same values? A man could pay for your valet but your lifestyles blend. A man could pay for the valet but he's an emotional train wreck with little or no relationship skills to actually be in a relationship. So I want to just dispel this narrative of what demonstrates value, especially in the early stage of dating, when men are typically for the most part on the hunt for sex because we no longer live in a world where up until about 50 years ago, if a man wanted to get laid, he had to get married. And by the way, dating used to last all of about a nanosecond back in the past, because if they, again, traditionally speaking, and this isn't an absolute one I'm sharing here, is traditionally, especially back in the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s, if two people wanted to have sex, they had to get married. So at least that marriage demonstrated a level of commitment, a level of commitment.  And the reason why this is happening, I want everyone to take a deep breath. It's because for the most part, we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. And the problem when we meet total strangers these days, and especially using our little devices, for the most part, when we're meeting this way, most humans don't feel emotionally safe, whether it's a man or a woman, safe with one another. And when chemistry is the leading factor in exploring a relationship, it's the weakest link to build true emotional safety. I'm gonna repeat that. It's the weakest link to build true emotional safety. So how is emotional safety built? It's through asking better questions in the dating process. Do we share the same values? Do we share the same values with one another? And everybody's values are different. In fact, we are a melting pot of a variety of different values, a variety in different cultures, a variety of different races, at least here in the United States. And more so, we have this tribalism going on with politics and vasts and religion and back themes, I meant to say, and religions and such. So it makes it even more complicated because there's so many people that are not aligned in their values. And then we have to talk about lifestyles. Can two people's lifestyles mesh together? And since because of these devices, you could be meeting people that live 30, 40, 50 miles away from one another, and it makes it difficult to build the roots to trust because proximity is how you genuinely get to know one another when you're in each other's orbit. But Jonathan, we've been talking on the phone for months, hours upon hours at a time. I feel like we know each other so well. Folks, men don't bond on the telephone. Men use the telephone for therapy. I'm gonna repeat that. Well, men and women alike, I should say. Most people that are spending days, weeks, hours, months on the telephone, getting to know one another, it's just a substitute for therapy. And by the way, both genders are doing this because the number one emotional health issue with almost everyone is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so long distance connecting makes you at least feel connected to someone. And yet dating triggers this number one emotional health issue. So if you've had one disappointing experience after another, after another, after another, it can actually wear on your emotional wellbeing. And not to mention the dysfunctional dating capacity of most human beings. Most human beings have weak relationship skills and weak emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I want you to look here. It says, if you can see this, it says roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues. By the way, I want you to note here that says, this is not a fact, this is opinion. Clinical issues, borderline, passive aggressive, bipolar, narcissists, sociopaths. By the way, this isn't, like I said, accurate per se, but there are some people out there and now thankfully many people are on medication and they can perform well in a relationship if they have identified their problem or their mental health issue. I say over here, 20% of the population is healthy. I am being ridiculously generous when I say 20% of the population is healthy. And by the way, I'm talking about men and women alike and the vast majority of everybody is in this section. It's dysfunctional, dysfunctional, which makes it very difficult to truly be in relationship with people. This is why I continually recommend everybody checking out this book by Malcolm Gladwell called Talking to Strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. I'm gonna repeat that, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell, what we should know about the people we don't know. Dating today is dysfunctional. And if you follow my work, you know, those know what I'm about to say next, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, you should purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman so you can figure out the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This is a roadmap to getting to deeper intimacy so you can actually bond together at a much healthier way because when you bond together, it's a break. It's hard to break it apart. So how does a man show a woman who he genuinely cares about that she's important to him and that he values her? Well, first we have to look beyond the sex piece. So once the sex happens, this is where the rubber meets the road. Let me repeat that, the rubber meets the road. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and here's my notes, the six signs. You're very important to him and you value him. So number one, again, this is my notes. Number one, he makes you a priority and where I'm in particularly where he makes a priority is in the form of communication, in the form of communication. So if you shoot a text message to him, provided that he can respond at a reasonable time based on his schedule, he makes the time to respond to you. He makes the time to respond to your messages. That's a man that genuinely shows he cares. When a person treats you at their beck and call, I know a woman I'm talking with right now, a friend, and she's dealing with a guy. They've known each other for years. They got together recently to start dating again and he goes, you're my woman.  And he goes off and takes her on a lavish trip takes her to the Rams football game at the new stadium. I mean, shows are the night on the town kind of thing. And he professes how he wants to explore a relationship. Do you know what happened next? Monday went by, Tuesday went by, Wednesday went by, Thursday went by, Friday went by, no messages from him. She reached out, he returns it two or three days later. This is a guy who professed how much he was into her.  I mean, he literally had the attitude is you're at my beck and call. A man who values you makes you a priority, especially in the area of communication or responding to communication at a reasonable time. In other words, if you're in the middle of a four-hour work meeting, you may not be able to return it right away, but certainly when there's communication in the evening or during the day, they make it a priority to respond back. That demonstrates value, that demonstrates importance. That has nothing to do with paying for the valet. By the way, you can tell that's a pet peeve for me. It's only a pet peeve because that's not how value is demonstrated. Value is demonstrating with what I'm sharing here. These are the things that I invite everyone to pay more attention to. Okay, number two, he listens to you carefully and he responds with compassion. He listens to you carefully and he responds in compassion when you get triggered or concerned about something. So I'm thinking in particular about a dear friend of mine who shared with me that her and her boyfriend are actually planning on moving in together, but there was something he said to a family member that triggered her a little bit and triggers not the right word, but left her concern. So when she shared her concern to him, he listened carefully and he took about a little time to respond, but he responded from a place of compassion. But what was most important, he listened. He listened to what she shared and said, you know what, active listening means I'm gonna listen because I know it's important to you. He listened and responded from a place of compassion. That's a sign of showing someone that they're important to you. That's not paying for dates, taking on trips, all those fancy things, everything romance-based. No, really at the heart-centered space, this is my invitation for everyone, is to look at how does they treat you with their actions that have to do outside of romance. And communication is an important aspect of this. And as we piggyback this on number three, he doesn't have to be right when there's conflict between the two of you. He doesn't have to be right when there's conflict between the two of you. Most humans who are dysfunctional in their relationship skills, when there's conflict in relationship, they operate from the place of I'm right and you're wrong. I'm right and you're wrong. And when someone operates from that place, it's very difficult to actually engage in a serious relationship with them because it's always gonna be at their beck and call. And by the way, again, this is true of men and women alike. I know just as many women that operate from a place of I'm right and you're wrong.  I wanna show you this little coffee mug. There's a picture of Jonathan. And you can't see this, but let me tell you what it shares. Besides, you can see Salty here.  Isn't that the sweetest thing this gal made for me? I wanna thank so much for that sweet, lovely lady out in the YouTube universe that made this and sent this to me. By the way, you can see this little side. It says, but Jonathan, I'm in my feminine energy. Why hasn't he claimed me? So I think this is a sweet little gift. All right, so I got off on a tangent like I always do.  I repeat that, he introduces you to the people that are important to his life. He uses we language, he progresses the relationship forward. That demonstrates importance, that demonstrates value.  It's after that. And by the way, this is why when you work with me privately on coaching, I teach you how to ask the better questions to determine if he's looking to get laid or he wants something serious. So check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Number five, he honors and respects your boundaries. He honors and respects your boundaries. I was on a date a few months ago.  And I don't even want to share what it was because it's too embarrassing. And she expressed her disappointment in it. Now that's a boundary. I mean, what's okay and what's not okay for me. I immediately apologized and I say apologized because I was absolutely in the wrong, if you will. And I respected that of her. Folks, if a man, again, just like fighting fair means not always being right.  That's what matters most. It's not about paying for dates and a man leading the processing, claiming you. It's more about his actions. And this is true of men and women like everything I'm sharing goes for both genders or whatever gender you are. These days I have no clue all the different genders there are anymore. I've lost track. I grew up as a baby boomer, Jen Excer. I don't understand all this new stuff, but I predominantly work with heterosexual people. And I'm here to say they respect your boundaries. And lastly, number six, and this is the most important piece. You know you're with a man who values you and sees you as important when you're not doubting him or you're doubting the relationship. When you actually feel emotionally safe. When you feel emotionally safe. Here's the challenge of why this is rare these days because two people these days don't know how to build emotional intimacy. This is why I've been recommending this book recently. Emotional intimacy, emotional intimacy. I highly recommend reading this book to start to get a better understanding or clues into how to actually build true emotional intimacy. Because when we're emotionally intimate, when we're radically honest, we can feel safe with someone. And when we feel emotionally safe, we don't doubt the relationship. We don't doubt their intentions. And this is what's sorely missing today because this rhetoric out there, all this advice is hyper focused on attraction which is romance based and very little to do with compatibility.  That is far more important than who pays for a date and who pays for the ballet. Again, I have a hard on for that literally and figuratively because it is a joke. A true, for lack of a better word, gentlemen. It's not how they get you. It's how they keep you. It's not how they're a gentleman. Well, it's not even about a gentleman. A genuine man, it's not about how they can get you into a relationship is how they're going to progress and keep the relationship alive. And yet sadly, most men, they're good guys. They're just clueless. In fact, most men are winging it. And this is why I invite you all to read the books I recommend. So you're better prepared. And I will tell you, I get email after email after email women purchasing two copies of this book and discussing it with the man that they're dating before they get physically intimate. And I am hearing wonderful news of how it's changing their lives. And a lot of men aren't working out but they didn't invest their heart with the wrong guy. And here's the thing, the right guy will wanna lean into this. And that's my invitation for everyone. So are you with me?  Give me an amen. Say, I'm on board, Jonathan. All right. And that wraps up our six signs that he sees you as very important and valuable to him. It's time to jump into the Q&A which we'll do for about 15 minutes or so. So just a reminder, if you're brand new to my channel there's a chat, for those who are watching live there's a chat box in the corner and you can write the word question and then post your question there after or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All the funds from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. Connor's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I helped defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development work. And again, the dollar sign in the Super Sticker Super Chat is where you can purchase it. And if you're listening to the audio replay you won't be able to see any of this. So let's take a look. I do see a question in here. So question, shouldn't we spend more time focusing on what we love to do, what we are good at and the new things to learn rather than our relationships? We need to have a life of our own. Shouldn't we? Well, first off, absolutely every human being it's important because the reality is is not everybody watching this is going to live happily ever after with someone. In fact, a big percentage of most folks in their midlife are going to struggle finding a relationship because we have a very dysfunctional pool of human beings. They're not bad people. They just have poor relationship skills. And at midlife in particular, there isn't that same intensity to wanna take care of someone as if someone might in their 20s and 30s that are looking to raise a family. Not necessarily looking for a wife per se. So it is more problematic. So it is absolutely imperative to love on yourself and you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self love anyway?  It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all my recommended books. One of the fundamentals is all about having a healthy life whether you're in relationship or not. Because here's the thing as Esther Perrell says the most, I just had a fog here. What does she say about the quality of our relationships determine the quality of our life? And it starts the relationship with self, starts with the relationship with self. So coming back to your original question, yes, that is important to actually, I invite everyone to have a full rich life because we can't guarantee what's gonna happen next is I learned the hard way my son was gone in a second. He was here one moment and he was gone. And I know he wouldn't want me to suffer one day in my life. In fact, I know he would want me to thrive in my life right now. In fact, in his honor, I do my best to thrive. So for all those folks that we've lost someone special in our life, I invite you to have a life that you become the reality show other people choose to watch, okay? Your life is the reality show that people wanna watch and I don't mean that literally. I just mean from the sense of like, wow, this person is living their life to the fullest and that's my invitation for everyone. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, a question came in earlier this morning that I wanna post and I'm gonna share with everyone. Bear with me one second. So the question is, Jonathan, how did your date go goes this weekend, goes this weekend? How did your date go this weekend? All right, folks, I shared in my previous live stream that I shared a story that relates to anxious attachment style and how that can manifest itself because I was experiencing this, I was experiencing anxiousness prior to meeting someone for the first time. Now I wanna give a little bit of context to this and by the way, the clip of what I shared is gonna be aired in a few days. So just a little heads up. But give a quick backstory. I connected with a woman through a dating app. We had about four or five text messages, exchanges that led to a phone call. First off, it was very attracted to her photographs, which is rare because I gotta tell you, most of you women put shitty, horrific dating profiles out there. I can't believe how terrible 99 out of 100 dating profiles there are, but she had quality photographs of herself and I liked what she wrote.  And I really clicked with her.  I mean, I was like, I was finding myself unusually attracted to her. And I went to bed that night, actually rather anxious going to bed because I was thinking about this person. She happened to be traveling so she wasn't gonna be back in town for about a week. And so I shared this publicly, but I got really incredibly anxious about meeting this person. Now, my anxiousness was based on two things. I was incredibly excited, incredibly excited. In fact, I was in a state of limerence and limerence means extreme infatuation. I was experiencing a high level of infatuation, but then I did the worst thing of all. I started to project an expectation on a potential future with this person. I started to project a potential future with this person and expectation of a potential future. And that was creating a tremendous amount of anxiety for me. I was experiencing a ton of anxiety. Now, part of that anxiety, because as we were text messaging in between the telephone calls and we spoke four times cumulatively a couple hours each time, our text messaging communication style was rather different than one another. I'm very demonstrative, I'm very effusive, I'm very flirty, and she's very matter of fact, very blunt, current matter of fact. That's just the way she communicates. And I was feeling like she doesn't like me. Was she even interested in me? And I was experiencing what so many of my female clients experienced. I was living this at an intense level, at an intense level. Now, as I explored what was coming up for me, I will say this, after Connor passed away, I can tell you my heart is far more tender now than it was in the past. I feel, especially when you've had one experience after another, after another, that doesn't work out, it wears on you emotionally, it sucks the life out of you when you make effort and then it goes nowhere and you make effort and it goes nowhere and you make effort and after a while and I've been feeling a lot of what my clients feel. Now, what I think makes me unique is that I'm aware of my feelings, I'm aware of my feelings and I'm certainly, you know, I do my best to manage my feelings. In other words, everything I'm sharing with you was an internal dialogue going inside of me. It wasn't anything outwardly happening, it was inwardly happening. I then found myself wishing she would cancel the date. I was literally wishing she would cancel the date because the anxiety was so intense, I wanted the anxiety to stop and if she canceled it, that would have stopped the anxiety.  It isn't who I am per se at my, well, on some level it is my core, but yet, like I said earlier, we're all experienced, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. This is why this whole narrative of, you know, men are so strong and confident and everything, most guys, believe it or not, by the way, men with extreme bravado, they come off oftentimes like assholes, they're insecure as well, it's just there's so much masking going on, there's so much masking going on that you can't even see what's really happening on the inside. I just happened to be aware of my emotions as I shared in the previous video and I could manage it. So let me fast forward because the question was how was the date? So it turned out we got together Sunday, which happened to be yesterday, and we got together just after lunch, or shortly after lunch, and we got together for, we actually went out for a late or early dinner, and as we were connecting with each other, we had the blessing to spend quite a few hours together. I think I can't remember if we spent five or six hours together. I shared with her what I was experiencing, what I was feeling. Now I shared a little bit this before, but what I didn't share with this, I literally had this wish of canceling the date because the anxiety was so high. And because I was experiencing that fear of not being liked, that fear of not being liked. And what's interesting is confident as I am, and I've got thousands upon thousands of women on YouTube that reach out and say they date me in a heartbeat and everything, I was experiencing a very normal, I'm afraid I'm not being liked in this moment because our communication style was a little bit different. Well, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, oh my God, you're so much better looking than your pictures, which I really was flattered and appreciated. And she looks stunning. And as I said, we went out and had lunch and we are a lot bite to eat and we shared what was coming up for us. And we really had a great time. I'm so grateful that I overcame that fear. Part of that fear was, because I created this entire story or an expectation on a future before I ever met someone. Now, this isn't common to most men. It's certainly common to a lot of women who do this, but this is common whenever we feel attraction, whenever we feel infatuation, when we're feeling that little bit of limerence. And it's a very common feeling to get that way. What's most important, and as I shared earlier, was just the awareness of what was going on inside of me. And ultimately, how do we overcome a fear by facing it head on? I didn't allow my fear to stop me from wanting to see what could happen here. And yet, so many women in particular canceled date at last minutes or guys canceled dates at last minute because of a fear, because the reality today is, we are, again, as I shared earlier, we are meeting total strangers. And it's very difficult to feel emotionally safe when you're meeting a stranger. And let me say this, dating is putting your heart out there. It takes a lot of courage to put your heart out there over and over and over again, and not be unscathed. It takes a tremendous amount of courage. And many people, particularly women, give up on the process of trying to find a mate because of that fear. All I can say is this, and I've learned, and who knows, this might be the last first kiss I ever have, or it might be someone I just used to know, somebody I used to know. What I know most important is when you fall off the horse seven times, you get back eight times. And my invitation for everyone is to hold that space of hope, hold that space of knowing that there is a person out there that's aligned to, that shares your values, that your lifestyles are blendable, and they have the emotional maturity to have those deeper intimate conversations. And what I appreciate the most about this person is she has a level of depth, a level of curiosity. She loves psychology as much as I do. We seem to like a lot of the same things, but more importantly, she has that deep desire to go beyond the surface of a relationship instead of, how's your day going? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a good day? I hope you had a blessed day because most people these days are focused on the surface of attraction, and they're not getting to the heart of what matters most. And through radical honesty, and that's what I invite everybody to do is be radically honest with one another without compromising a boundary. Okay, I'm not suggesting that, but radical honesty is how we build intimacy.  And so that's the update on the date. We do hope to see each other maybe once before the holidays is over, but certainly after the holidays because each one of us is traveling a little bit. I'm hopeful, but at the same time, I also recognize, and by the way, my anxiety level has dropped dramatically. My anxiety level has dropped dramatically. In fact, I now feel in my empowerment because we had this great chat with one another and we opened our heart from a compassionate place and not the place of dominance, not the place of romance, but a place of heart. And if you're not familiar with the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I highly recommend reading this because it throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered space? And she did watch a number of my videos and she thought it was adorable that she recognizes that these, and by the way, she has a great collection of books that are also personal development books, which I appreciate.  So again, I wanna thank that person for the question, let me find it real quick. Well, anyway, I think you get to just to where I'm going. Oh, here it is. Hey, thanks so much for that question, Jonathan, how'd you date go? I really appreciate it. All right, let's scroll through here. By the way, again, once to show again, my coffee mug, I wanna show that she also added my book, What the Heck a Self Love Anyway to the Coffee Mug, isn't this adorable? Okay, how do, Joe Lean says, how do I lean into what seems like a start of a good relationship without chasing him away? How do you lean in? Okay, speak your truth, do it with kindness because if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So that's my invitation for you, Joe Lean. All right, let's go swimming. Patricia says, amen.  Chef Rhonda says, question. I've been seeing someone for a few months. He introduces, calls me as girlfriend. I have told him that I'm not ready for that label. Am I too protective of my heart?  If, first off, if you guys are having sex and you're not calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, then what's the purpose of this relationship? And by the way, I apologize for being crude, but the purpose of dating in my mindset is a vetting process to decide if you wanna be in relationship with someone and the relationship process is a vetting process to decide if you want something long-term.  I just wouldn't be, I wouldn't, I would say if you're having sex together and you don't have a commitment with each other, then you have what's called a casual relationship. You have a situation ship, or worse, you have what I call friends with benefits, but you just don't know about it. When you add the label, it identifies what this really means to each one of you. And I invite everyone to co-create a relationship together rather than being passive in the process as so many people are.  Cause if you are, then I would invite you to have some level of commitment and have a label that goes with it. That's just my opinion, Chef Rhonda. Take it for what it's worth. All right, thank you so much for that. Patricia says, amen. Thank you. Blue-eyed said, high level of infastuation after a phone call. Yes, when you feel like you connect with someone, you can definitely experience that. At least I know I have. So, oh, well, as a follow up here, Blue-eyed Wolf, I think Jonathan said once he has, I do have an anxious attachment style. So this is my attachment style. If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking this out. My default love attachment style is known as anxious. I tend to be a bit needy in relationship. The other types of attachment style are avoidant and secure. I highly recommend reading this book. I happen to have a default anxious attachment style. So when I'm not feeling loved, I get really afraid.  The anxious attachment style literally thinks that the sky is falling when they don't feel love. I know the sky isn't falling when I'm not feeling connection. I'm just here to, but I'm aware of this. I'm almost aware at a hyper level. Most human beings don't even have an awareness of their emotions when these things happen. So I share publicly, because I'd like to think I'm a resource to understand that humans go through this. Most people aren't aware of their emotions. In fact, what they do is hide their emotions through other activities. Sometimes it's drugs and alcohol. Sometimes it's overexercising. Sometimes people overeat. Those are all things to avoid our emotions. Distractions like excessive television, binge watching for days on end. Those can oftentimes be a way of avoiding our emotions. So I happen to lean into my emotions with hopefully a sense of awareness. And hopefully I'm doing it from a productive way of being cathartic and letting out my feelings, both with people I love, sometimes I vent with them, and by sharing what happened to me to this new person. And I'm so grateful that she didn't run away. Well, at least right now she hasn't run away. Who knows what's gonna happen. But I always believe if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So thank you so much for sharing that. I appreciate it. Suzette says, Jonathan, do you meditate? I have high anxiety. I do do a sense of meditation. Thank you so much. And yet, listen, these are anomalies. This isn't a constant, I'm not in a constant state of anxiousness. In fact, I'm very blessed to have a very blessed life. I'm very fortunate to have a very blessed and generous and abundant life. But I also know that there are times when I get triggered. And I shared this earlier. I don't know how much of this, I think losing my son has definitely made my heart more tender. And because as any, when a parent loses a child, there is nothing more horrific than that. So I do know I have a more tender heart than maybe I was in the past. I think in the past, I was shutting my heart out. Now that I'm doing my best to be open and receptive to love, I can be a little bit more tender than maybe I was in the past. By the way, in the past, I was a total player. I was a serial dator. I was a trainwreck a decade ago. I was a total trainwreck. I was not a good person to date. I was from the sense because I was a mess. This is why be careful of dating anyone right after a divorce or if they've lost their job and stuff. Because when someone's, when their life is a mess, they can seem really great potential because you ladies oftentimes look at guys for potential. Just remember that when someone's foundation beneath them isn't solid, it's very difficult to lean into a serious relationship and that's what happened with me. All right, thank you so much. I wanna thank Julia. Just purchased a super sticker. Here, let me find it. Super chat, by the way, hold on everyone. Okay, Julia. Oops, Julia. Jonathan, do you believe in astrology when finding a partner? Do you believe in astrology? So I do and I don't. I'll be candid with you. I do and I don't. I have misgivings on astrology. I think on some level I find it fun and interesting and at the same time. I look at, listen, I'm a Leo. I'm probably a quint, I think I have four houses and Leo and one note and Leo. So I'm a hyper Leo. It feels true to me, but then I've read other astrological signs and I go, yes, yes, yes, yes. So I don't know. I've yet to, I've been matched up with people who were supposed to be a great fit and it blows up because human beings are dysfunctional. So who knows? I do find them entertaining but I don't rest my laurels on them. So thank you so much for asking that question, Julia. I appreciate it. All right, let's see what else. Natasha, Natalie says, stuffing emotions can self-development be a way to escape from emotional problems. That's an interesting question. You know, I do believe, okay. So there are a lot of people do what's called a spiritual bypass, a spiritual bypass. And they use spirituality as a way to bypass their emotions, to bypass their problems. It might be, well, you know, it's like, it's kind of being cavalier. You know what? The universe will take care of me. You know, it's like, as my father always said, there's my mother and father right there. My parents are from Istanbul, Turkey. My father said, you can put your faith in Allah, but don't forget to tie up your camel. And that's some, I do believe some spiritual people use spiritual bypass or spiritual rhetoric. I know a lot of men that use spiritual rhetoric to attract a woman that may seem, it may be very attractive to be with that guy, but those guys are equally as dysfunctional, if not more, because they are doing what's called a spiritual bypass. So I do agree that exists. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Sal writes, question, I'm in a very secure loving relationship. I have a very anxious moments where I forget briefly that our connection is solid. What can I do to my anxiety and not forget that we are solid? Sal, great question. So what I do in those cases, and I do this habitually, I use the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. And if you're not familiar with the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, it's also known as the hapono, pono, pono, pono. And it goes like this, I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. That's, so what forgiveness stands for is forgiving love, forgiving love. It's like giving yourself an injection of love. Whenever I feel anxiety at any time in my life, I recite this over and over as a pattern interrupt because that's what love would do and that's how love would respond. So this is how I navigate anxious attachment for anxiousness is by reciting the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer over and over again as a way to give myself a, instead of a B12 shot, I give myself an L12 shot of love for forgiveness, for giving love. And that's my invitation for you. So try that out Sal and see how that works for you.  And I think that's a great question. So I hope that helps. Thank you so much. All right. This will probably be our last question of the day. Question, we hear relationships take work and they have hard times, but I'm struggling to know just how hard is normal. What does it become too hard? We fight weekly, but he acts like it's normal. So there's a couple of schools of thought on relationships take work. I believe individuals need to work on themselves. Individuals need to work on themselves from an emotional perspective. This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This book is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. So I believe the work is not necessarily the work of the relationship, it's the work of self. It's because most humans have weak relationship skills. They have weak or dysfunctional relationship skills. This is why if the two of you have communication problems, I highly recommend reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. What I love about this book is it's a deep dive in learning how to communicate better with one another. And if you guys are fighting on a weekly basis and he thinks that's normal, most likely is because that was normal in his childhood with his parents. His parents most likely fought a lot and that was familiar to him. So you have a choice, you have a choice folks. By the way, we always have a choice. We can always end a relationship if it's not serving us, it's not serving our highest and best. So I'm here to say, you can have a deep conversation and say, listen, are we gonna continue with this pattern because this does not feel good? Or are we gonna work on our relationship skills? This is why, let me find, again, coming, you may wanna check out this book. How to be an adult in relationship? How to be an adult in relationship? Or these are two new books I want to recommend. These are great books. First, this one, How to Build Trust in a Relationship by Claire Robin. How to Build Trust in a Relationship by Claire Robin. Or this one, Couples Communication Guide to Love and Happiness by Olivia Leeson. So check this out. Check out these two books because these are gonna give you a greater chance of learning how to connect with one another. If he's resistant for reading these books together, then what potential, if someone is resistant to healthy, building a healthy relationship together, then why would you wanna be with someone? Why? But Jonathan, I love him. Love is not, love is the icing on the cake. Compatibility, healthy communication, shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity. That is what it takes to build a healthy, happy relationship, not the fantasy that many of you're suckling on.   Either get busy living or get busy dying. Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Only the right wrong person runs away and gets scared. But Jonathan, I just have to sit back in my feminine energy and it'll all magically work out.  Lean into, lean into speaking your truth from a kind place, lean into emotional intimacy, lean into co-creating a relationship instead of this passive way of predating that's romance-based and not heart-centered based. And that's my opinion anyway. All right, listen folks, my turtleneck is starting to drive me nuts now. So I think this will be a good place to wrap up. I hope you got value from today's live stream today. Again, please purchase a super sticker, super chat before you wrap up today, just to show that this was valuable to you and again, to honor my son Connor Asley for the scholarship fund. I wanna thank you so much. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do, first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Sal and Sassy and Hess and Natalie and Jennifer and Mina and Susan in Virginia and Nutrition Whisperer and everyone who was on tonight. I hope you found value and I hope this changed your life. And again, if you wanna check out the links below to a discovery call with me, to my membership group, to my book or all the recommended books or follow me on Instagram, check out the link in the description. I wanna wish everyone a beautiful blessed evening. Thanks so much. Oops, bye now.


You need a financial advisor with the freedom to focus on your specific needs. Whatever your goals, Reeve Potter can create a game plan tailored to you. Call Reeve at 432-0777 at Pikeville, Kentucky to learn more. As Pike County begins work on disaster relief, county officials held a press conference Friday, July 29th, to update the public on waste disposal, estimated utility restoration, temporary housing and health and safety protocol. If you're out there and you need your tetanus or TDAC booster and you can get to us, you know, we're open five days a week and we'll provide that on site as well. We do same-day appointments. If you have concerns regarding your tetanus booster, call us. We can get that information up in the system for you. Our number is 509-5500. So again, we're not as concerned with hepatitis. I was asked about that earlier. It's really more that the tetanus is their concern in the floodwaters. And also a nurse pointed out to me this morning reminding me to remind folks that just because you have had your tetanus, so maybe last year in the January flooding, you received your tetanus vaccine, you still can, you know, experience infections, so you still want to watch for infection in cuts and wounds, which happens frequently when working on damaged property. And also we're going to be in the near future working with individuals who've lost their medicines and will work with the Kentucky Pharmacy Association on that. Jenny Wiley State Resort Park and Valley Elementary are currently housing displaced residents affected by the flooding. As of July 28th, over 1,500 residents were without water and over 1,000 residents were without power. Mountain water and AEP hope to have all utilities restored by the end of next week. As cleanup efforts begin in Pike County, solid waste management will be offering free pickup service. If you have garbage, carpet, plywood, paneling, whatever it may be, if you will pile it up beside the county road or the state road and then call 432-6245, 432-6245. It's Pike County solid waste. We will send a boom truck to clean up the material. We've had people calling and asking for dumpsters. We have dumpsters, but dumpsters are significantly more expensive and we have a limited number. If you will pile up the material beside the road, call and schedule a pickup, there will be no charge for that. It will be picked up free of charge. So please, don't make it worse. For updates on utility restoration, cleanup efforts and disaster relief, go to Pike County Emergency Management on Facebook. To schedule a trash pickup, call<PHONE_NUMBER>. For Mountain Top News, I'm Brianna Robinson.