Chapter 18. Book the First of Little Dorit Read for LibriVox.org by Ellis Christoff Little Dorit by Charles Dickens Book the First. Chapter 18. Little Dorit's Lover Little Dorit had not attained her 22nd birthday without finding a lover. Even in the shadow-martial sea, the ever-young archer shot off a few featherless arrows now and then from a moldy bow, and winged a collegian or two. Little Dorit's Lover, however, was not a collegian. He was the sentimental son of a turnkey. His father hoped, in the fullness of time, to leave him the inheritance of an unstained key, and had from his early youth familiarized him with the duties of his office, and with an ambition to retain the prison lock in the family. While the succession was yet in abeyance, he assisted his mother in the conduct of a snack tobacco business round the corner of Horsemonger Lane, his father being a non-resident turnkey, which could usually command a neat connection within the college walls. Years ago, when the object of his affections was won to sit in her little armchair by the high-lodge fender, young John, family name Chivory, a year older than herself, had eyed her with admiring wonder. When he had played with her in the yard, his favorite game had been to counterfeit locking her up in corners, and to counterfeit letting her out for real kisses. When he grew tall enough to peep through the keyhole of the great lock of the main door, he had diverse times sat down his father's dinner, or supper, to get on as it might on the outer side thereof, while he stood taking cold in one eye by dint of peeping at her through that airy perspective. If young John had ever slackened in his truth in the less penetrable days of his boyhood, when youth is prone to wear its boots and laced and his happily unconscious of digestive organs, he had soon strung it up again and screwed it tight. At nineteen, his hand had inscribed in chalk on that part of the wall which fronted her lodgings on the occasion of her birthday, welcome sweet nursing of the fairies. At twenty-three, the same hand falteringly presented cigars on Sundays to the father of the Marshall Sea and father of the Queen of his soul. Young John was small of statuer, with rather weak legs and very weak light hair. One of his eyes, perhaps the eye that used to peep through the keyhole, was also weak and looked larger than the other, as if it couldn't collect itself. Young John was gentle likewise, but he was great of soul, poetical, expansive, faithful. Though too humble before the ruler of his heart to be sanguine, Young John had considered the object of his attachment in all its lights and shades. Following it out to blissful results, he had described without self-commendation a fitness in it. Say things prospered and they were united. She, the child of the Marshall Sea, he, the lockkeeper. There was a fitness in that. Say he became a resident turnkey. She would officially succeed to the chamber she had rented so long. There was a beautiful propriety in that. It looked over the wall if he stood on tiptoe, and with a trellis work of scarlet beans and a canary or so, would become a very arbor. There was a charming idea in that. Then, being all in all to one another, there was even an appropriate grace in the lock. With the world shut out, except that part of it which would be shut in, with its troubles and disturbances only known to them by hearsay, as they would be described by the pilgrims tarrying with them on their way to the insolvent shrine, with the arbor above and the lodge below, they would glide down the stream of time in pastoral domestic happiness. Young John drew tears from his eyes by finishing the picture with a tombstone in the adjoining churchyard close against the prison wall, bearing the following touching inscription. Sacred to the memory of John Chivory, 60 years turnkey, and 50 years head turnkey of the neighbouring Marshall Sea, who departed this life universally respected on the 31st of December 1886, aged 83 years.  There she was born, there she lived, there she died. The Chivory parents were not ignorant of their son's attachment. Indeed, it had, on some exceptional occasions, thrown him into a state of mind that had impelled him to conduct himself with irascibility towards the customers and damage the business, but they, in their turns, had worked it out to desirable conclusions. Mrs Chivory, a prudent woman, had desired her husband to take notice that their John's prospects of the lock would certainly be strengthened by an alliance with Miss Dorit, who had herself a kind of claim upon the college and was much respected there. Mrs Chivory had desired her husband to take notice that if, on the one hand, their John had means and a post of trust, on the other hand, Miss Dorit had family, and that her, Mrs Chivory's sentiment was, that two halves made a whole. Mrs Chivory, speaking as a mother and not as a diplomatist, had then, from a different point of view, desired her husband to recollect that their John had never been strong and that his love had threaded and worried him enough as it was, without his being driven to do himself a mischief, as nobody couldn't say he wouldn't be if he was crossed. His arguments had so powerfully influenced the mind of Mr Chivory, who was a man of few words, that he had on sundry Sunday mornings given his boy what he termed a lucky touch, signifying that he considered such commendation of him to good fortune, preparatory to his that day declaring his passion and becoming triumphant. But young John had never taken courage to make the declaration, and it was principally on these occasions that he had returned excited to the tobacco shop and flown at the customers. In this affair, as in every other, little Dorit herself was the last person considered. Her brother and sister were aware of it and attained a sort of station by making a peg of it on which to air the miserably ragged old fiction of the family gentility. Her sister asserted the family gentility by flouting the poor swain as he loitered about the prison for glimpses of his dear. Tip asserted the family gentility on his own by coming out in the character of the aristocratic brother and loftily swaggering in the little skittle ground respecting seizures by the scruff of the neck which there were looming probabilities of some gentleman unknown executing on some little puppy not mentioned. These were not the only members of the Dorit family who turned it to account. No. No. The father of the Marshall Sea was supposed to know nothing about the matter of cause. His poor dignity could not see so low.  With no less readiness and condescension did he receive attentions from Chivary Sr. who always relinquished his arm chair and newspaper to him when he came into the lodge during one of his spells of duty and who had even mentioned to him that if he would like at any time after dusk quietly to step out into the forecourt and take a look at the street there was not much to prevent him. If he did not avail himself of this latter civility it was only because he had lost the relish for it. Inasmuch as he took everything else he could get and would say at times extremely civil person Chivary Very attentive man and very respectful young Chivary too really almost with a delicate perception of one's position here a very well conducted family indeed, the Chivaries their behavior gratifies me. The devoted young John all this time regarded the family with reverence he never dreamed of disputing their pretensions but he did homage to the miserable mumbo-jumbo they paraded as to resenting any affront from her brother he would have felt even if he had not naturally been of a most specific disposition that to wag his tongue or lift his hand against that sacred gentleman would be an unhallowed act. He was sorry that his noble mind should take offence still he felt the fact to be not incompatible with his nobility and sought to propitiate and conciliate that gallant soul. Her father, a gentleman in misfortune a gentleman of a fine spirit and curtly manners who always bore with him he deeply honored her sister he considered somewhat vain and proud but a young lady of infinite accomplishments who could not forget the past it was an instinctive testimony to little Doritz' worth and difference from all the rest that the poor young fellow honored and loved her for being simply what she was The tobacco business around the corner of horse-monger lane was carried out in a rural establishment one story high which had the benefit of the air from the yards of horse-monger lane jail and the advantage of a retired walk under the wall of that pleasant establishment the business was of too modest a character to support a life-size highlander but it maintained a little one on a bracket on the door post who looked like a fallen cherub that had found it necessary to take to a kilt from the portal thus decorated one Sunday after an early dinner of baked vines young John issued forth on his usual Sunday errand not empty-handed but with his offering of cigars he was neatly tied in a plum-colored coat with as large a collar of black velvet as his figure could carry a silken waistcoat bedecked with golden sprigs a chased neckerchief much in vogue at that day representing a preserve of lilac pheasants on a buff ground pantaloons so highly decorated with side stripes that each leg was a three-stringed lute and a hat of state very high and hard when the prudent Mrs. Chivory perceived that in addition to these adornments her John carried a pair of white-git gloves and a cane like a little finger-post surmounted by an ivory hand margelling him the way that he should go and when she saw him in this heavy marching order turn the corner to the right she remarked to Mr. Chivory who was at home at the time that she thought she knew which way the wind blew the collegians were entertaining a considerable number of visitors that Sunday afternoon and their father kept his room for the purpose of receiving presentations after making the tour of the yard little Dorrid's lover with a hurried heart went upstairs and knocked with his knuckles at the father's door come in, come in said a gracious voice the father's voice her father's the marshal sees father's he was seated in his black velvet cap with his newspaper three and six months accidentally left on the table and two chairs arranged everything prepared for holding his court ah young John how do you do, how do you do? pretty well I thank you sir I hope you are the same yes John Chivory, yes nothing to complain of I have taken the liberty sir of eh? the father of the marshal she always lifted up his eyebrows at this point and became amably distraught and smiling the absent in mind a few cigars sir oh for the moment excessively surprised thank you young John thank you but really I am afraid I am too no well then I will say no more about it put them on the mantel shelf if you please young John and sit down, sit down you are not a stranger John thank you sir I am sure miss here young John turned the great hat round and round upon his left hand like a slowly twirling mouse cage miss Amy quite well sir yes John yes very well, she is out indeed sir yes John, miss Amy is gone for an airing my young people all go out a good deal but at their time of life it's natural John very much so I am sure sir an airing, an airing, yes he was blandly tapping his fingers on the table and casting his eyes up at the window Amy has gone for an airing on the iron bridge she has become quite partial to the iron bridge of late and seems to like to walk there better than anywhere he returned to conversation your father is not on duty at present I think John no sir he comes on later in the afternoon another twirl of the great hat and then young John said rising I am afraid I must wish you good day sir so soon good day young John nay nay with the utmost condescension never mind your glove John shake hands with it all you are no stranger here you know highly gratified by the kindness of his reception young John descended the staircase on his way down he met some collegians bringing up visitors to be presented and at that moment Mr. Dorit happened to call over the banisters with particular distinctness much obliged to you for your little testimonial John little Dorit's lover very soon laid down his penny on the tall plate of the iron bridge and came upon it looking about him for the well-known and well-beloved figure at first he feared she was not there but as he walked on towards the middle sex side he saw her standing still looking at the water she was absorbed in thought and he wondered what she might be thinking about there were the piles of city roofs and chimneys more free from smoke than on weekdays and there were the distant masts and steeples perhaps she was thinking about them little Dorit mused so long and was so entirely preoccupied that although her lover stood quiet for what he thought was a long time and twice or thrice retired and came back again to the former spot still she did not move so in the end he made up his mind to go on and seemed to come upon her casually in passing and speak to her the place was quiet and now or never was the time to speak to her he walked on and she did not appear to hear his steps until he was close upon her when he said Miss Dorit she started and fell back from him with an expression in her face of fright and something like dislike that caused him unutterable dismay she had often avoided him before always indeed for a long long while she had turned away and glided off so often when she had seen him coming toward her that the unfortunate young John could not think it accidental but he had hoped that it might be shyness her retiring character her foreknowledge of the state of his heart anything short of a version now that momentary look had said you of all people I would rather have seen anyone on earth than you it was but a momentary look in as much as she checked it and said in her soft little voice oh Mr John is it you? but she felt what it had been as he felt what it had been and they stood looking at one another equally confused Miss Amy I am afraid I disturbed you by speaking to you yes rather I came here to be alone and I thought I was Miss Amy I took the liberty of walking this way because Mr Dorit chance to mention when I called upon him just now that you she caused him more dismay than before by suddenly murmuring oh father in a heart-rending tone and turning her face away Miss Amy I hope I don't give you any uneasiness by naming Mr Dorit I assure you I found him very well and in the best of spirits and he showed me even more than his usual kindness being so very kind as to say that I was not a stranger there and in always gratifying me very much to the inexpressible consternation of her lover little Dorit with her hands to her averted face and rocking herself where she stood as if she were in pain murmured oh father how can you oh dear dear father how can you how can you do it the poor fellow stood gazing at her overflowing with sympathy but not knowing what to make of this until having taken out her handkerchief and put it to her still averted face she hurried away at first he remained stock still then hurried after her Miss Amy pray will you have the goodness to stop a moment Miss Amy if it comes to that let me go I shall go out of my senses if I have to think that I have driven your way like this his trembling voice and unfaithfulness brought little Dorit to a stop oh I don't know what to do she cried I don't know what to do to young John who had never seen her bereft of her quiet self command who had seen her from her infancy ever so reliable and self suppressed there was a shock in her distress and in having to associate himself with it as its cause that shook him from his great heart to the pavement he felt it necessary to explain himself he might be misunderstood supposed to mean something or to have done something that had never entered into his imagination he begged her to hear him explain himself as the greatest favour she could show him Miss Amy I know very well that your family is far above mine it were vain to conceal it there never was a chivalry a gentleman that ever I heard of and I will not commit the meanness of making a false representation on a subject so momentous Miss Amy I know very well that your high sold brother and likewise your spirited sister spurned me from a hide what I have to do is to respect them to wish to be admitted to their friendship to look up at the eminence on which they are placed from my lowliest station for whether viewed as tobacco or viewed as the log I well know it is lowly and ever wish them well and happy there really was a genuineness in the poor fellow and a contrast between the hardness of his head and the softness of his heart albeit perhaps of his head too that was moving little Dorotin treated him to disparage neither himself nor his station and above all things to divest himself of any idea that she supposed hers to be superior this gave him a little comfort Miss Amy Miss Amy he then stammered I have had for a long time ages they seem to me revolving ages a heart cherished wish to say something to you may I say it little Dorotin voluntarily started from his side again with the faintest shadow of her former look conquering that she went on at great speed half across the bridge without replying may I miss Amy I but ask the question humbly may I say it I have been so unlucky already in giving you pain without having any such intentions before the holy heavens that there is no fear of my saying it unless I have your leave I can be miserable alone I can be cut up by myself why should I also make miserable and cut up one that I would fling myself off that parapet to give half a moment's joy to not that that's much to do for I do it for tapons the mournfulness of his spirits and the gorgeousness of his appearance might have made him ridiculous but that his delicacy made him respectable little Dorot learned from it what to do if you please John Chivory she returned trembling but in a quiet way since you are so considerate as to ask me whether you shall say any more if you please no never miss Amy no if you please never oh lord gasped young John but perhaps you will let me instead say something to you I want to say it earnestly and with explainer meaning as it is possible to express when you think of us John I mean my brother and sister and me think of us as being any different from the rest for whatever we once were which I hardly know we cease to be long ago and never can be anymore it will be much better for you and much better for others if you will do that instead of what you are doing now young John dolefully protested that he would try to bear it in mind and would be heartily glad to do anything she wished as to me think as little of me as you can the less the better when you think of me at all John let it only be as the child you have seen grow up in the prison with one set of duties always occupying her as a weak retired contented unprotected girl I particularly want you to remember that when I come outside the gate I am unprotected and solitary he would try to do anything she wished but why did Miss Amy so much want him to remember that because returned little Dorit I know I can then quite trust you not to forget today and not to say anymore to me you are so generous that I know I can trust you for that and I do and I always will I am going to show you at once that I fully trust you I like this place where we are speaking better than any place I know that this color had faded but her lover thought he saw it coming back just then and I may be often here I know it is only necessary for me to tell you so to be quite sure that you will never come here again in search of me and I am quite sure she might rely upon it said young John he was a miserable wretch but her word was more than a law for him and goodbye John said little Dorit and I hope you will have a good wife one day and be a happy man I am sure you will deserve to be happy and you will be John as she held out her hand to him with these words the heart that was under the west cut of sprigs mere slop work if the truth must be known swelled to the size of the heart of a gentleman and the poor common little fellow having no room to hold it burst into tears oh don't cry said little Dorit piteously don't, don't goodbye John God bless you goodbye miss Amy goodbye and so he left her first observing that she sat down on the corner of a seat and not only rested her little hand upon the rough wall but laid her face against it too as if her head were heavy and her mind were sad it was an affecting illustration of the fallacy of human projects to behold her lover with the great hat pulled over his eyes the velvet collar turned up as if it rained the plum colored coat buttoned to conceal the silken west cut of golden sprigs and the little direction posed pointing inexorably home creeping along by the worst back streets and composing as he went the following new inscription for a tombstone in St. George's churchyard here lie the mortal remains of John Chivory never anything worth mentioning who died about the end of the year 1826 of a broken heart requesting with his last breath that the word Amy might be inscribed over his ashes which was accordingly directed to be done by his afflicted parents end of chapter the 18th book the first this recording is in the public domain chapter the 19th book the first of Little Dorit read for LibriVox.org by Ellis Christoff Little Dorit by Charles Dickens book the first chapter the 19th the father of the Marshall Sea in two or three relations the brothers William and Frederick Dorit walking up and down the college yard of course on the aristocratic or pump side for the father made it a point of his state to be cherry of going among his children on the poor side except on Sunday mornings Christmas days and other occasions of ceremony in the observance whereof he was very punctual and at which times he laid his hand upon the heads of their infants and blessed those young insolvents with the benignity that was highly edifying the brothers walking up and down the college yard together were a memorable sight Frederick the free was so humbled bowed withered and faded William the Bond was so courtly condescending and benevolently conscious of a position and regard only if in no other the brothers were a spectacle to wonder at they walked up and down the yard on the evening of little Dorit Sunday interview with her lover on the iron bridge the cares of state were over for that day the drawing room had been well attended several new presentations had taken place the three in six months accidentally left on the table had accidentally increased to 12 shillings the marshal see refreshed himself with a whiff of cigar as he walked up and down affably accommodating his step to the shuffle of his brother not proud in his superiority but considerate of that poor creature bearing with him and breathing toleration of his infirmities in every little puff of smoke that issued from his lips and aspired to get over the spiked wall he was a sight to wonder at his brother Frederick of the dim eye pulsed hand bent form and groping mind submissively shuffled at his side accepting his patronage as he accepted every incident of the labyrinthian world in which he had got lost he held the usual screwed bit of whitey brown paper in his hand from which he ever and again unscrewed a spare pinch of snuff that falteringly taken he would glance at his brother not an admiringly put his hands behind him and shuffle on so at his side until he took another pinch or stood still to look about him perchance suddenly missing his clarionet the college visitors were melting away as the shades of night drew on but the yard was still pretty full the collegians being mostly out seeing their friends to the lodge as the brothers paced the yard William the Bond looked about him to receive salutes returned them by graciously lifting off his hat and with an engaging air prevented Frederick the free from running against the company or being jostled against the wall the collegians as a body were not easily impressable but even they according to their various ways of wandering appeared to find in the two brothers a sight to wonder at you are a little low this evening Frederick said the father of the Marshall sea anything the matter the matter he stared for a moment and then dropped his scared and eyes again no William no nothing is the matter if you could be persuaded to smarten yourself up a little Frederick I I said the old man hurriedly but I can't be I can't be don't talk so all over the father of the Marshall sea glanced at a passing collegian with whom he was on friendly terms and who should say an enfeebled old man this but he is my brother sir my brother and the voice of nature is potent and steered his brother clear of the handle of the pump by the threadbare sleeve nothing would have been wanting to the perfection of his character as a fraternal guide and friend if he had only steered his brother clear of ruin instead of bringing it upon him I think William said the object of his affectionate consideration that I am tired and will go home to bed my dear Frederick return the other don't let me detain you don't sacrifice your inclination to me late hours and a heated atmosphere I suppose said Frederick my dear Frederick return the father of the Marshall sea do you think you are sufficiently careful of yourself do you think your habits are as precise and methodical as shall I say as mine are not to revert again to that little eccentricity which I mentioned just now I doubt if you take air and exercise enough Frederick use the parade always at your service why not use it more regularly than you do sigh side the other yes, yes, yes, yes but it is of no use saying yes yes my dear Frederick the father of the Marshall sea in his mild wisdom persisted unless you act on that ascent consider my case Frederick I am a kind of example necessity and time have taught to do at certain stated hours of the day you will find me on the parade in my room in the lodge reading the paper, receiving company eating and drinking I have impressed upon Amy during many years that I must have my meals for instance punctually Amy has grown up in a sense of the importance of these arrangements and you know what a good girl she is the brother only sighed again as he plotted dreamily along sigh yes, yes, yes, yes my dear fellow said the father of the Marshall sea laying his hand upon his shoulder and mildly rallying him mildly because of his weakness poor dear soul you said that before and it does not express much Frederick even if it means much I wish I could rouse you my good Frederick you want to be roused yes William, yes no doubt returned the other lifting his demise to his face but I am not like you the father of the Marshall sea said with a shrug of modus self depreciation oh you might be like me my dear Frederick you might be if you chose and for bore in the magnanimity of his strength to press his fallen brother further there was a great deal of leave taking going on in corners as was usual on Sunday nights and here and there in the dark some poor woman wife or mother was weeping with a new collegian the time had been when the father himself had wept in the shades of that yard as his own poor wife had wept but it was many years ago and now he was like a passenger aboard ship in a long voyage who has recovered from sea sickness and is impatient of that weakness in the fresher passengers taken aboard at the last port he was inclined to remonstrate and to express his opinion that people who couldn't get on without crying had no business there in manner if not in words he always testified his displeasure at these interruptions of the general harmony and it was so well understood that delinquents usually withdrew if they were aware of him on this Sunday evening he accompanied his brother to the gate with an air of endurance and clemency being in a bland temper and graciously disposed to overlook the tears in the flaring gaslight of the lodge several collegians were basking some taking leave of visitors and some who had no visitors watching the frequent turning of the key and conversing with one another and with Mr. Chivory the paternal entrance made a sensation of course and Mr. Chivory touching his cat in a short manner though with his ski hoped he found himself tolerable thank you Chivory quite well and you Mr. Chivory said in a low growl oh he was alright which was his general way of acknowledging inquiries after his health when a little sullen I had a visit from young John today Chivory and very smart he looked I assure you so Mr. Chivory had heard Mr. Chivory must confess however that his wish was that the boy didn't lay out so much money upon it for what did it bring him in it only brought him in vexation and he could get that anywhere for nothing how vexation Chivory asked the benign father no odds returned Mr. Chivory never mind Mr. Frederick going out yes Chivory my brother is going home to bed he is tired and not quite well take care Frederick take care good night my dear Frederick shaking hands with his brother and touching his greasy hat to the company in the lodge Frederick slowly shuffled out of the door which Mr. Chivory unlocked for him the father of the Marshall C showed the amiable solicitude of a superior being that he should come to know harm be so kind as to keep the door open a moment Chivory that I may see him go along the passage and down the steps take care Frederick he is very infirm mind the steps he is so very absent be careful how you cross Frederick I really don't like the notion of his going wandering at large he is so extremely liable to be run over with these words and with a face expressive of many uneasy doubts and much anxious guardianship he turned his regards upon the assembled company in the lodge so plainly indicating that his brother was to be pitied for not being under lock and key that an opinion to that effect went around among the collegians assembled but he did not receive it with unqualified ascent on the contrary he said no gentlemen let them not misunderstand him his brother Frederick was much broken no doubt and it might be more comfortable to himself the father of the Marshall sea to know that he was safe within the walls still it must be remembered that to support an existence there during many years required a certain combination of qualities he did not say high qualities but qualities moral qualities now had his brother Frederick that peculiar union of qualities gentlemen he was a most excellent man a most gentle, tender an estimable man with the simplicity of a child but would he though unsuited for most other places do for that place no he said confidently no and he said heaven forbid that Frederick should be there in any other character than in his present voluntary character gentlemen whoever came to that college to remain there a length of time must have strength of character to go through a good deal and to come out of a good deal was his beloved brother Frederick that man no they saw him even as it was crushed misfortune crushed him well enough not elasticity enough to be a long time in such a place and yet preserve his self respect and feel conscience that he was a gentleman Frederick had not if he might use the expression power enough to see in any delicate little attentions and and testimonials that he might under such circumstances receive the goodness of human nature the fine spirit animating the collegians as a community and at the same time no degradation to himself and no depreciation of his claims as a gentleman gentlemen God bless you such was the homily with which he improved and pointed the occasion to the company in the lodge before turning into the shallow yard again and going with his own poor shabby dignity past the collegian in the dressing gown who had no coat and past the collegian in the seaside slippers who had no shoes and past the stout greengrocer collegian in the corduroy knee-bridges who had no cares and past the lean-clark collegian in buttonless black who had no hopes up his own poor shabby staircase to his own poor shabby room there the table was laid for his supper and his old grey gown was ready for him on his chair back at the fire his daughter put her little prayer book in her pocket had she been praying for pity on all prisoners and captives and rose to welcome him uncle had gone home then she asked as she changed his coat and gave him his black velvet cup yes uncle had gone home had her father enjoyed his walk why not much Amy not much no did he not feel quite well as she stood behind him leaning over his chair so lovingly he looked with downcast eyes at the fire and an easiness still over him that was like a touch of shame and when he spoke as he presently did it was in an unconnected and embarrassed manner something I I don't know what has gone wrong with chivalry he's not not nearly so obliging and attentive as usual tonight it's a little thing but it puts me out my love it's impossible to forget turning his hands over and over and looking closely at them that that in such a life as mine I am unfortunately dependent on these men for something every hour in the day her arm was on his shoulder but she did not look in his face while he spoke bending her head she looked another way I I can't think Amy what has given chivalry offence he is generally so, so very attentive and respectful and tonight he was quite quite short with me other people there too why good heaven if I was to lose the support and recognition of chivalry and his brother officers I might starve to death here while he spoke he was opening and shutting his hands like valves so conscience all the time of that touch of shame that he shrank before his own knowledge of his meaning I can't think what it's owing to I am sure I cannot imagine what the cause of it is there was a certain Jackson here once a turnkey of the name of Jackson I don't think you can remember him my dear you were very young and he had a brother his young brother paid his addresses to at least did not go so far as to pay his addresses to but admired respectfully admired the not daughter the sister of one of us a rather distinguished collegian I may say very much so his name was captain Martin and he consulted me on the question whether it was necessary that his daughter a sister should hazard offending the turnkey brother by being too too plain with the other brother captain Martin was a gentleman and a man of honor and I put it to him first to give me his own opinion captain Martin highly respected in the army then unhesitatingly said that it appeared to him that his sister was not called upon to understand the young man too distinctly and that she might lead him on I am doubtful whether lead him on was captain Martin's exact expression indeed I think he said tolerate him on her father's I should say brother's account I hardly know how I have strayed into this story I suppose it has been through being unable to account for chivalry but as to the connection between the two I don't see his voice died away as if she could not bear the pain of hearing him and her hand had gradually crept to his lips for a little while there was a dead silence and stillness and he remained shrunk in his chair and she remained with her arm around his neck and her head bowed down upon his shoulder his supper was cooking in a saucepan on the fire and when she moved it was to make it ready for him on the table he took his usual seat she took hers and he began his meal they did not as yet look at one another by little and little he began laying down his knife and fork with a noise taking things up sharply biting at his bread as if he were offended with it and in other similar ways showing that he was out of sorts at length he pushed his plate from him and spoke aloud with the strangest inconsistency what does it matter whether I eat or starve what does it matter whether such a blighted life as mine comes to an end now next week or next year what am I worth to anyone a poor prisoner fed on arms and broken victuals as quality disgraced wretch father father as heroes she went on her knees to him and held up her hands to him Amy he went on in a suppressed voice trembling violently and looking at her as wildly as if he had gone mad I tell you if you could see me as your mother saw me you wouldn't believe it to be the creature you have only looked at through the bars of this cage I was young I was accomplished I was good looking I was independent by God I was child and people sought me out and envied me envied me dear father she tried to take down the shaking arm that he flourished in the air but he resisted and put her hand away if I had but a picture of myself in those days though it was ever so ill done you would be proud of it but I have no such thing now let me be a warning let no man he cried looking haggardly about fail to preserve at least that little of the times of his prosperity and respect let his children have that clue to what he was unless my face when I am dead subsides into the long departed look they say such things happen you know my children will have never seen me father father oh despise me despise me look away from me don't listen to me stop me blush for me cry for me even you way me do it do it I do it to myself I am hardened now I have stung too low to care long even for that dear father loved father darling of my heart she was clinging to him with her arms and she got him to drop into his chair again and caught at the raised arm and tried to put it round her neck let it lie there father look at me father kiss me father only think of me father for one little moment still he went on in the same wild way though it was gradually breaking down into a miserable whining and yet I have some respect here I have made some stand against it I am not quite trodden down go out and ask who is the chief person in the place they'll tell you that it's your father go out and ask who is never trifled with and who is always treated with some delicacy they'll say your father go out and ask what funeral here it must be here I know it can be nowhere else will make more talk and perhaps more grief than any that has ever gone out at the gate they'll say your father's well then Amy Amy is your father so universally despised is there nothing to redeem him will you have nothing to remember him by but his ruin and decay will you be able to have no affection for him when he is gone poor cast away gone he burst into tears of modeling pity for himself and at length suffering her to embrace him and take charge of him let his grey head rest against her cheek and bewail his wretchedness presently he changed the subject of his lamentations and clasping his hands about her as she embraced him cried his motherless forlorn child oh the days that he had seen her careful and laborious for him then he reverted to himself and weakly told her how much better she would have loved him if she had known him in his vanished character and how he would have married her to a gentleman who should have been proud of her as his daughter and how at which he cried again she should first have written at his father to decide on her own horse and how the crowd by which he meant in effect the people who had given him the twelve shillings he then had in his pocket should have trudged the dusty roads respectfully thus now boasting, now despairing in either fit a captive with a jail wrought upon him and the impurity of his prison worn into the grain of his soul he revealed his degenerate state to his affectionate child no one else ever beheld him in the details of his humiliation little wrecked the collegians who were laughing in their rooms over his late address in the lodge what a serious picture they had in their obscure gallery of the Marshall sea that Sunday night there was a classical daughter once perhaps who ministered to her father in his prison as her mother had ministered to her little Dorit though of the unheroic modern stock and mere English did much more in comforting her father's wasted heart upon her innocent breast and turning to it a fountain of love and fidelity that never ran dry or waned through all his ears of famine she soothed him asked him for his forgiveness if she had been or seemed to have been undutiful told him heaven knows truly that she could not honor him more he was the favorite of fortune and the whole world acknowledged him when his tears were dried and he sobbed in his weakness no longer and was free from that touch of shame and had recovered his usual bearing she prepared the remains of his supper afresh and sitting by his side rejoiced to see him eat and drink for now he sat in his black velvet cap and old grey gown and would have comforted himself towards any collegian who might have looked in to ask his advice like a great moral lord Chesterfield or master of the ethical ceremonies of the Marshall sea to keep his attention engaged she talked with him about his wardrobe when he was pleased to say that yes indeed those shirts she proposed would be exceedingly acceptable for those he had were worn out and being ready made had never fitted him being conversational and in a reasonable flow of spirits he then invited her attention to his coat as it hung behind the door remarking that the father of the place would set an indifferent example to his children already disposed to be slovenly if he went among them out at elbows he was jocular too as to the healing of his shoes but became grave on the subject of his crovert and promised her that when she could afford it she should buy him a new one while he smoked out his cigar in peace she made his bed and put the small room in order for his repose being weary then owing to the advanced hour and his emotions he came out of his chair to bless her and wish her good night all this time he had never once thought of her dress or shoes her need of anything no other person upon earth save herself could have been so unmindful of her once he kissed her many times with bless you my love good night my dear but her gentle breast had been so deeply wounded by what she had seen of him that she was unwilling to leave him alone lest he should lament and despair again father, dear I am not tired let me come back presently when you are in bed and sit by you he asked her with an air of protection if she felt solitary yes father then come back by all means my love I shall be very quiet father don't think of me my dear he said giving her his kind permission fully come back by all means he seemed to be dozing when she returned and she put the low fire together very softly lest she should awake him but he overheard her and called out who was that only Amy father Amy my child come here I want to say a word to you he raised himself a little in his low bed as she kneeled beside it to bring her face near him and put his hand between hers oh the private father and the father of the martial sea was strong within him then my love you have had a life of hardship here no companions no recreations many cares I am afraid don't think of that dear I never do you know my position Amy I have not been able to do much for you but all I have been able to do I have done she rejoined kissing him I know I am in the 23rd year of my life here he said with a catch in his breath that was not so much a sob as an irrepressible sound of self-approval the momentary outburst of a noble consciousness it is all I could do for my children I have done it Amy my love you are by far the best loved of the three I have had you principally in my mind whatever I have done for your sake my dear child I have done freely and without murmuring only the wisdom that holds the clue to all hearts and all mysteries can surely know to what extent a man especially a man brought down as this man had been can impose upon himself enough for the present place that he lay down with wet eyelashes serene in a manner majestic after bestowing his life of degradation as a sort of portion on the devoted child upon whom its miseries had fallen so heavily and whose love alone had saved him to be even what he was that child had no doubts asked herself no question for she was but too content to see him with a lust around his head poor dear good dear truest kindest dearest were the only words she had for him as she hushed him to rest she never left him all that night as if she had done him a wrong which her tenderness could hardly repair she sat by him in his sleep at times softly kissing him with a suspended breath and calling him in a whisper by some endearing name at times she stood aside so as not to intercept the low firelight and watching him when it fell upon his sleeping face wondered did he look now at all as he had looked when he was prosperous and happy as he had so touched her by imagining that he might look once more in that awful time at the thought of that time she kneeled beside his bed again and prayed oh spare his life oh save him to me oh look down upon my dear suffering unfortunate much changed dear dear father not until the morning came to protect him and encourage him did she give him a last kiss and leave the small room when she had stolen downstairs and along the empty yard and had crept up to her own high garret the smokeless house tops and the distant country hills were discernible over the wall in the clear morning as she gently opened the window and looked eastward down the prison yard the spikes upon the wall were tipped with red then made a sullen purple pattern on the sun as it came flaming up into the heavens the spikes had never looked so sharp and cruel nor the bars so heavy nor the prison space so gloomy and contracted she thought of the sunrise on rolling rivers of the sunrise on wide seas of the sunrise on rich landscapes of the sunrise on great forests where the birds were waking and the trees were wrestling and she looked down into the living grave on which the sun had risen with her father in three and twenty years and said in a burst of sorrow and compassion no no I have never seen him in my life end of chapter the 19th chapter the 21st this recording is in the public domain chapter the 20th book the first of Little Dorit read for LibriVox.org by Alice Christoff Little Dorit by Charles Dickens book the first chapter the 20th moving in society if young John Chivory had had the inclination and the power to write a satire and family pride he would have had no need to go for an avenging illustration out of the family of his beloved he would have found it ample in that gallant brother and that dainty sister so steeped in mean experiences and so loftily conscience of the family name so ready to beg and borrow from the poorest to eat of anybody's bread spend anybody's money drink from anybody's cup and break it afterwards to have painted the sordid facts of their lives and they throughout invoking the death-scared apparition of the family gentility to come and scare their benefactors would have made young John a satirist of the first water Tip had turned his liberty to hopeful account by becoming a billiard marker he had troubled himself so little as to the means of his release that Clenum scarcely needed to have been at the pains of impressing the mind of Mr. Plurnish on that subject whoever had paid him the compliment he very readily accepted the compliment with his compliments and there was an end of it issuing forth from the gate on the easy turns he became a billiard marker and now occasionally looked in at the little skittle ground in a green new market coat second hand with a shining collar and bright buttons new and drank the beer of the collegians one solid stationery point in the looseness of this gentleman's character was that he respected and admired his sister Amy the feeling had never induced him to spare her a moment's uneasiness or to put himself to any restraint or inconvenience on her account but with that Marshall C. taint upon his love he loved her the same rank Marshall C. flavor was to be recognized in his distinctly perceiving that she sacrificed her life to her father and in his having no idea that she had done anything for himself when this spirited young man and his sister had begun systematically to produce the family skeleton for the overroaring of the college this narrative cannot precisely state probably at about the period when they began to dine on the college charity it is certain that the more reduced and necessitous they were the more pompously the skeleton emerged from its tomb and that when there was anything particularly shabby in the wind the skeleton always came out with the ghastliest flourish little Dorit was laid on the Monday morning for her father slept late and afterwards there was his breakfast to prepare and his room to arrange she had no engagement to go out to work however and therefore stayed with him until with Maggie's help she had put everything right about him seeing him off upon his morning walk of 20 yards or so to the coffee house to read the paper she then got on her bonnet and went out having been anxious to get out much sooner there was as usual a cessation of the small talk in the lodge as she passed through it and a collegian who had come in on Saturday night received the intimation from the elbow of a more seasoned collegian look out, here she is she wanted to see her sister but when she got round to Mr. Cripples she found that both her sister and her uncle had gone to the theater where they were engaged having taken thought of this probability by the way and having settled that in such case she would follow them she set off afresh for the theater which was on that side of the river and not very far away little Dorit was almost as ignorant of the ways of theaters of the ways of gold mines and when she was directed to a furtive sort of door with a curious up all night air about it that appeared to be ashamed of itself and to be hiding in an alley she hesitated to approach it being further deterred by the sight of some half dozen close shaped gentlemen with their hats very strangely on who were lounging about the door looking not at all unlike collegians on her applying to them reassured by this resemblance for a direction to Mr. Dorit they made way for her to enter a dark hall it was more like a great grim lamp gone out than anything else where she could hear the distant playing of music and the sound of dancing feet a man so much in want of airing that he had a blue mold upon him sat watching this dark place from a hole in the corner like a spider and he told her that he would send a message up to Mr. Dorit by the first lady or gentleman who went through the first lady who went through had a roll of music half in her muffin half out of it and was in such a tumbled conditional together that it seemed as if it would be an act of kindness to iron her but as she was very good natured and said come with me I'll soon find Mr. Dorit for you Mr. Dorit's sister went with her drawing nearer and nearer at every step she took in the darkness to the sound of music and the sound of dancing feet at last they came into a maze of dust where a quantity of people were tumbling over one another and where there was such a confusion of unaccountable shapes of beams bulkheads brick walls, ropes and rollers and such a mixing of gaslight and daylight that they seemed to have got on the wrong side of the bus little Dorit left to herself and knocked against by somebody every moment was quite bewildered when she heard her sister's voice why good gracious Amy whatever brought you here I wanted to see you Fanny dear and as I am going out all day tomorrow and knew you might be engaged all day today I thought but the idea Amy of you coming behind I never did as her sister said this in no very cordial tone of welcome she conducted her to a more open part of the maze where various golden chairs and tables were heaped together and where a number of young ladies were sitting on anything they could find chattering all these young ladies wanted ironing and all had a curious way of looking everywhere while they chattered just as the sisters arrived here a monotonous boy in a scotch cap put his head around a beam on the left and said less noise there ladies and disappeared immediately after which a sprightly gentleman with a quantity of long black hair looked around a beam on the right and said less noise there darlings and also disappeared the notion of you among professionals Amy is really the last thing I could have conceived said her sister why how did you ever get here I don't know the lady who told you I was here was so good as to bring me in like you quiet little things you can make your way anywhere I believe I couldn't have managed it Amy though I know so much more of the world it was the family custom to lay down as family law that she was a plain domestic little creature without the great and sage experience of the rest this family fiction was the family assertion of itself against her services not to make too much of them well and what have you got on your mind Amy of course you have got something on your mind about me said Fanny she spoke as if her sister between two and three years her junior were her prejudiced grandmother it is not much but since you told me of the lady who gave you the bracelet Fanny the monotonous boy put his head around a beam on the left and said look out there ladies and disappeared the sprightly gentleman with the black hair suddenly put his head around the beam on the right and said look out there darlings and also disappeared thereupon all the young ladies rose and began shaking their skirts out behind well Amy said Fanny doing us the rest did what were you going to say lady had given you the bracelet you showed me Fanny I have not been quite easy on your account and indeed want to know a little more if you will confind more to me now ladies said the boy in the scotch cap now darlings said the gentleman with the black hair there were everyone gone in a moment and the music and the dancing feet were heard again little Dorit sat down in a golden chair made quite giddy by these rapid interruptions her sisters and the rest were a long time gone and during their absence a voice it appeared to be that of the gentleman with the black hair was continually calling out through the music one two three four five six go one two three four five six go steady darlings one two three four five six go ultimately the voice stopped and they all came back again more or less out of breath folding themselves in their shawls and making ready for the streets stop a moment Amy and let them get away before us whispered Fanny they were soon left alone nothing more important happening in the meantime than the boy looking around his old beam and saying everybody at 11 tomorrow ladies and the gentleman with the black hair looking around his old beam and saying everybody everybody at 11 tomorrow darlings each in his own accustomed manner when they were alone something was rolled up or by other means got out of the way and there was a great empty well before them looking down into the depths of which Fanny said now uncle little Dorit as her eyes became used to the darkness faintly made him out of the bottom of the well in an obscure corner by himself with his instrument in its ragged case under his arm the old man looked as if the remote high gallery windows with their little strip of sky might have been the point of his better fortunes from which he had descended until he had gradually sung down below there to the bottom he had been in that play six nights a week for many years but had never been observed to raise his eyes above his music book and was confidently believed to have never seen a play there were legends in the place that he did not so much as know the popular heroes and heroines by sight and that the low comedian had mugged at him in his richest manner 50 nights for a wager and he had shown no trace of consciousness the carpenter's had a joke to the effect that he was dead without being aware of it and the frequenters of the pit supposed him to pass his whole life night and day and Sunday and all in the orchestra they had tried him a few times with pinches of snuff offered over the rails and he had always responded to this attention with a momentary waking up of manner that had the pale phantom of a gentleman in it beyond this he never on any occasion had any other part in what was going on than the part written out for the clarionet in private life where there was no part for the clarionet he had no part at all some said he was poor some said he was a wealthy miser but he said nothing never lifted up his bowed head never varied his shuffling gate by getting his springless food from the ground though expecting now to be summoned by his knees he did not hear her until she had spoken to him three or four times nor was he at all surprised by the presence of two nieces instead of one but merely said in his tremulous voice I am coming I am coming I am coming and crept forth by some underground way which emitted a salarious smell and so Amy said her sister when the three together passed out at the door that had such a shame faced consciousness of being different from other doors the uncle instinctively taking Amy's arm as the arm to be relied on so Amy you're curious about me she was pretty and conscious and rather flaunting and the condescension with which she put aside the superiority of her charms and of her worldly experience and addressed her sister on almost equal terms had a vast deal of the family in it I am interested Fanny and concerned in anything that concerns you so you are so you are and you are the best of Amy's if I am ever a little provoking I am sure you'll consider what a thing it is to occupy my position and feel a consciousness of being superior to it I shouldn't care said the daughter of the father of the Marshall sea if the others were not so common none of them have come down in the world as we have they are all on their own level common little Dorit mildly looked at the speaker but did not interrupt her Fanny took out her handkerchief and rather angrily wiped her eyes I was not born where you were you know Amy and perhaps that makes a difference my dear child when we get rid of uncle you shall know all about it we'll drop him at the cook's shop where he's going to dine they walked on with him until they came to a dirty shop window in a dirty street which was made almost opaque by the steam of hot meats vegetables and puddings but glimpses were to be caught pork bursting into tears of sage and onion in a metal reservoir full of gravy of an unctuous piece of roast beef and blisterous Yorkshire pudding bubbling hot in a similar receptacle of a stuffed fillet of veal in rapid cut of a ham in a perspiration with the pace it was going at of a shallow tank of baked potatoes glued together by their own richness of a truss or two of boiled greens and other substantial delicacies within were a few wooden partitions behind which such customers has found it more convenient to take away their dinners in stomachs than in their hands packed their purchases in solitude than the opening hereticule as they surveyed these things produced from that repository a shilling and handed it to uncle uncle after not looking at it a little while divide its object and muttering dinner yes yes yes slowly vanished from them into the mist now Amy said her sister come with me if you're not too tired to walk to Harley street Cavendish square the air with which she threw off this distinguished address and the toss she gave to her new bonnet which was more gauzy than serviceable made her sister wonder however she expressed her readiness to go to Harley street and did that they directed their steps arrived at that grand destination Fanny singled out the handsomest house and knocking at the door inquired for mrs. muddle the footman who opened the door although he had powder on his head and was backed up by two other footmen likewise powdered not only admitted mrs. muddle to be at home but asked Fanny to walk in Fanny walked in taking her sister with her and they went upstairs with powder going before and powder stopping behind and were left in a spacious semi-circular drawing room one of several drawing rooms where there was a parrot on the outside of a golden cage holding on by its beak with its caily legs in the air and putting itself into many strange upside down postures the specularity had been observed in birds of quite another feather climbing upon golden wires the room was far more splendid than anything little Dorit had ever imagined and would have been splendid and costly in any eyes she looked in amazement at her sister and would have asked a question but that Fanny with a warning frown pointed to a curtain doorway of communication with another room the curtain shook next moment and a lady raising it with a heavily ringed hand dropped it behind her again as she entered the lady was not young and fresh from the hand of nature but was young and fresh from the hand of her maid she had large unfeeling handsome eyes and dark unfeeling handsome hair and a broad unfeeling handsome bosom and was made the most of it in every particular either because she had a cold or because it suited her face she wore a rich white fillet tied over her head under her chin and if ever there were an unfeeling handsome chin that looked as if a certain it had never been in familiar parlance chucked by the hand of man it was the chin curbed up so tight and closed by that laced bridle Mrs. Myrtle said Fanny my sister ma'am I am glad to see your sister Miss Dorit I did not remember that you had a sister I did not mention that I had said Fanny ah Mrs. Myrtle curled the little finger of her left hand as who should say I have caught you I know you didn't all her action was usually with her left hand because her hands were not a pair and left being much the whiter and the plumper of the two then she added sit down and composed herself voluptuously in a nest of crimson and gold cushions on an auto man near the parrot also professional said Mrs. Myrtle looking at little Dorit through an eyeglass Fanny answered no no said Mrs. Myrtle dropping her glass has not a professional air very pleasant but not professional my sister ma'am said Fanny in whom there was a singular mixture of deference and neighborhood has been asking me to tell her as between sisters how I came to have the honor of knowing you and as I had engaged to call upon you once more I thought I might take the liberty of bringing her with me when perhaps you would tell her I wish her to know and perhaps you will tell her do you think at your sister's age hinted Mrs. Myrtle she is much older than she looks said Fanny almost as old as I am society said Mrs. Myrtle with another curve of her little finger is so difficult to explain to young persons indeed is so difficult to explain to most persons that I am glad to hear that I wish society was not so arbitrary I wish it was not so exacting bird be quiet the parrot had given a most piercing shriek as if its name were society and it asserted its right to its exactions but resumed Mrs. Myrtle we must take it as we find it we know it is hollow and conventional and wordly and very shocking but unless we are savages in the tropical seas I should have been charmed to be one myself most delightful life and perfect climate I am told we must consult it it is the common lot Mr. Myrtle is the most extensive merchant his transactions are on the vastest scale his wealth and influence are very great but even he bird be quiet the parrot had shrieked another shriek and it filled up the sentence so expressively that Mrs. Myrtle was under no necessity to end it since your sister begs that I would terminate our personal acquaintance she began again addressing little Dorit by relating the circumstances that are much to her credit I cannot object to comply with her request I am sure I have a son I was first married extremely young of two or three and twenty then he said her lips and her eyes looked half triumphantly at her sister a son of two or three and twenty he was a little gay I think society is accustomed to in young men and he is very impressible perhaps he inherits that misfortune I am very impressible myself by nature the weakest of creatures my feelings are touched in a moment she said all this and everything else as coldly as a woman of snow quite forgetting the sisters except at odd times some abstraction of society for whose behoove too she occasionally arranged her dress all the composition of her figure upon the ottoman so he is very impressible not a misfortune in our natural state I dare say but we are not in a natural state much to be lamented no doubt particularly by myself who am a child of nature if I could but show it but so it is society suppresses us and dominates us but be quiet the parrot had broken into a violent fit of laughter after twisting diverse bars of his cage with his crooked bill and licking them with his black tongue it is quite unnecessary to say to a person of your good sense wide range of experience and cultivated feeling said mrs. muddle from her nest of crimson and gold and there put up her glass to refresh her memory as to whom she was addressing that the stage sometimes has a fascination for young men of that class of character in saying the stage I mean the people on it of the female sex therefore when I heard that my son was supposed to be fascinated by a dancer I knew what that usually meant in society and confided in her at the opera where young men moving in society are usually fascinated she passed her white hands over one another observant of the sisters now and the rings upon her fingers graded against each other with a hard sound as your sister will tell you when I found what the theater was I was much surprised and much distressed but when I found that your sister by rejecting my son's advances I must add in an unexpected manner had brought him to the point of proposing marriage my feelings were of the profoundest anguish acute she traced the outline of her left eyebrow and put it right in a distracted condition which only a mother moving in society can be susceptible of I determined to go myself to the theater and represent my state of mind answer I made myself known to your sister I found her to my surprise in many respects different from my expectations and certainly none more so than in meeting me with what shall I say a sort of family assertion on her own part Mrs. Myrtle smiled I told you ma'am said Fanny with a heightening color that although you found me in that situation I was so far above the rest that I considered my family as good as your sons and that I had a brother who knowing the circumstances would be of the same opinion and would not consider such a connection any honor Miss Dorit said Mrs. Myrtle after frostily looking at her through her glass precisely what I was on the point of telling your sister in pursuance of your request much obliged to you telling it so accurately and anticipating me I immediately addressing little Dorit for I am the creature of impulse took a bracelet from my arm and begged your sister to let me clasp it on hers in token of the delight I had in our being able to approach the subject so far on a common footing this was perfectly true the lady having bought a cheap and showy article on her way to the interview with a general eye to bribery and I told you Mrs. Myrtle said Fanny that we might be unfortunate but we are not common I think the very words Miss Dorit assented Mrs. Myrtle and I told you Mrs. Myrtle said Fanny that if you spoke to me of the superiority of your sons standing in society it was barely possible that you rather deceived yourself in your suppositions about my origin my father standing even in the society in which he now moved what that was was best known to myself was eminently superior and was acknowledged by everyone quite accurate rejoined Mrs. Myrtle a most admirable memory thank you ma'am perhaps you will be so kind as to tell my sister the rest there is very little to tell said Mrs. Myrtle reviewing the breadth of bosom which seemed essential to her having room enough to be unfeeling in but it is to your sister's credit I pointed out to your sister the plain state of the case the impossibility of the society in which we moved recognizing the society in which she moved though charming I have no doubt the immense disadvantage at which she would consequently place the family she had so high an opinion of upon which we should find ourselves compelled to look down with contempt and from which, socially speaking we should feel obliged to recoil with apparence in short, I made an appeal to that laudable pride in your sister let my sister know if you please Mrs. Myrtle funny pouted with the toss of her gauzy bonnet that I had already had the honor of telling your son that I wish to have nothing whatever to say to him well, Miss Dorit, assented Mrs. Myrtle perhaps I might have mentioned that before if I did not think of it perhaps it was because my mind reverted to the apprehensions I had at the time that he might persevere and you might have something to say to him I also mentioned to your sister I again addressed the non-professional Miss Dorit that my son would have nothing in the event of such a marriage and would be an absolute beggar I mentioned that merely as a fact which is part of the narrative and not as supposing it to have influenced your sister except in the prudent and legitimate way in which constituted as our artificial system is we must all be influenced by such considerations finally after some high words and high spirit on the part of your sister we came to the complete understanding that there was no danger and your sister was so obliging as to allow me to present her with a mark or two of my appreciation at my dress makers little Dorit looked sorry and glanced at Fanny with a troubled face also said Mrs. Model as to promise to give me the present pleasure of a closing interview and of parting with her on the best of terms on which occasion I did Mrs. Model quitting her nest and putting something in Fanny's hand Miss Dorit will permit me to say farewell best wishes in my own dull manner the sisters rose at the same time and they all stood near the cage of the parrot as he tore at a claw full of biscuit and spat it out seemed to mock them with a pompous dance of his body without moving his feet and suddenly turned himself upside down and trailed himself all over the outside of his golden cage with the aid of his cruel beak and black tongue a duel Miss Dorit with best wishes said Mrs. Model if we could only come to a millennium or something of that sort I for one might have the pleasure of knowing a number of charming and talented persons from whom I am at present excluded a more primitive state of society would be delicious to me there used to be a poem when I learned lessons something about lo the poor Indians who's something mined if a few thousand persons moving in society could only go and be Indians I would put my name down directly but as moving in society we can't be Indians unfortunately good morning they came downstairs with powder before them and powder behind the elder sister Hortie and the younger sister Humboldt and were shut out into unpowdered Harley Street Cavendish Square well, said Fanny they had gone a little way without speaking have you nothing to say, Amy? oh I don't know what to say she answered distressed you didn't like this young man Fanny like him he's almost an idiot I am so sorry don't be heard but since you asked me what I have to say I am so very sorry Fanny that you suffered this lady to give you anything you little fool returned her sister shaking her with a sharp pull she gave her arm have you no spirit at all? but that's just the way you have no self respect you have no becoming pride just as you allow yourself to be followed about by a contemptible little chivalry of a thing with the scornfulest emphasis you would let your family be trodden on and never turn don't say that dear Fanny do what I can for them you do what you can for them repeated Fanny walking her on very fast would you let a woman like this whom you could see if you had any experience of anything to be as false and insolent as a woman can be would you let her put her foot upon your family and thank her for it no Fanny I am sure then make her pay for it you mean little thing what else can you make her do make her pay for it you stupid child and do your family some credit with the money they spoke no more all the way back to the lodging where Fanny and her uncle lived when they arrived there they found the old man practicing his clarionet in the dull fullest manner in a corner of the room Fanny had a composite meal to make of chops and porter and tea and indignantly pretended to prepare it for herself and understood it all that in quiet reality when at last Fanny sat down to eat and drink she threw the table implements about and was angry with her bread much as her father had been last night if you despise me she said bursting into vehement tears because I am a dancer why did you put me in the way of being one it was your doing you would have me stoop as low as the ground before this mrs. muddle and let her say she liked and do what she liked and hold us all in contempt and tell me so to my face because I am a dancer oh Fanny and tip 2 poor fellow she is to disparage him just as much as she likes without any check I suppose because he has been in the law and the docks and different things why it was your doing Amy you might at least approve of his being defended all this time the uncle was doughfully blowing his clarionet in the corner sometimes taking it an intro so from his mouth for a moment while he stopped to gaze at them with a vague impression that somebody had said something and your father your poor father Amy because he is not free to show himself and to speak for himself you would let such people insult him with impunity if you don't feel for yourself because you go out to work and at least feel for him I should think knowing what he has undergone so long poor little Dorit felt the injustice of this taunt rather sharply the remembrance of last night added a barbed point to it she said nothing in reply but turned her chair from the table towards the fire uncle after making one more pause blew a dismal wail and went on again Fanny was passionate with the tea cups and the bread as long as her passion lasted and then protested that she was the wretchedest girl in the world and she wished she was dead after that her crying became remorseful and she got up and put her arms around her sister little Dorit tried to stop her from saying anything but she answered that she would she must thereupon she said again and again I beg your pardon Amy and forgive me Amy almost as passionately as she had said what she regretted but indeed indeed Amy she resumed when they were seated in sisterly accord side by side I hope and I think you would have seen this differently if you had known a little more of society perhaps I might Fanny said the mild little Dorit you see while you have been domestic and resinedly shut up there Amy pursued her sister gradually beginning to patronize I have been out moving more in society and may have been getting proud and spirited more than I ought to be perhaps little Dorit answered yes oh yes and while you have been thinking of the dinner or the clothes I may have been thinking you know of the family now may not be so Amy little Dorit again nodded yes with a more cheerful face than heart especially as we know said Fanny that there certainly is a tone in the place to which you have been so true which does belong to it and which does make it different from other aspects of society so kiss me once again Amy dear and we will agree that we may both be right and that you are a tranquil domestic home loving good girl the clarionet had been lamenting most pathetically during this dialogue but was cut short now by Fanny's announcement that it was time to go which she conveyed to her uncle by shutting up his scrap of music and taking the clarionet out of his mouth little Dorit parted from them at the door and hastened back to the Marshall sea it felt dark there sooner than elsewhere and going into it that evening was like going into a deep trench the shadow of the wall was on every object not least upon the figure in the old grey gown and the black velvet cap as it turned towards her when she opened the door of the dim room why not upon me too thought little Dorit with the door yet in her hand it was not unreasonable in Fanny end of chapter the 20th book the first this recording is in the public domain chapter the 21st book the first of little Dorit read for LibriVox.org by Alice Kristoff little Dorit by Charles Dickens book the first chapter the 21st Mr. Murdell's Complaint upon that establishment of state the Murdell establishment in Harley Street Cavendish Square there was the shadow of no more common wall than the fronts of other establishments of state on the opposite side of the street like an exceptional society the opposing rows of houses in Harley Street were very grim with one another indeed the mansions and their inhabitants were so much alike in that respect that the people were often to be found drawn up on opposite sides of dinner tables in the shade of their own loftiness staring at the other side of the way with the dullness of the houses everybody knows how like the street the two dinner rows of people who take their stand by the street will be the expression less uniform 20 houses all to be knocked at and wrung at in the same form all approachable by the same dull steps all fended off by the same pattern of railing all with the same impracticable fire escapes the same inconvenient fixtures in their heads and everything without exception to be taken at a high valuation who has not dined with these the house so drearily out of repair the occasional bow window the stuck out house the newly fronted house the corner house with nothing but angular rooms the house with the blinds always down the house with the hatchment always up the house where the collector has called for one quarter of an idea and found nobody at home who has not dined with these the house that nobody will take and is to be had a bargain who does not know her the showy house that was taken for life by the disappointed gentlemen and which does not suit him at all who is unacquainted with that haunted habitation Harley Street, Cavendish Square was more than aware of Mr. and Mrs. Model intruders there were in Harley Street of whom it was not aware but Mr. and Mrs. Model it delighted to honor society was aware of Mr. and Mrs. Model society had said let us license them let us know them Mr. Model was immensely rich a man of prodigious enterprise a Midas without the ears who turned all he touched to gold he was in everything good from banking to building he was in parliament of course he was in the city necessarily he was chairman of this trustee of that president of the other the weightiest of man had said to projectors now what name have you got have you got model and the reply being in the negative had said then I won't look at you this great and fortunate man had provided that extensive bosom which required so much room to be unfeeling enough in with the nest of crimson and gold some 15 years before it was not a bosom to repose upon but it was a capital bosom to hang jewels upon Mr. Model wanted something to hang jewels upon and he bought it for the purpose store and Mortimer might have married on the same speculation like all his other speculations it was sound and successful the jewels showed to the richest advantage the bosom moving in society with the jewels displayed upon it attracted general admiration society approving Mr. Model was satisfied he was the most disinterested of men yet everything for society and got as little for himself out of all his gain and care as a man might that is to say it may be supposed that he got all he wanted otherwise with unlimited wealth he would have got it but his desire was to the utmost to satisfy society whatever that was and take up all its draughts upon him for tribute he did not shine in company he had not very much to say for himself he was a reserved man with a broad overhanging watchful head that particular kind of dull red color in his cheeks a rather stale than fresh and a somewhat uneasy expression about his coat cuffs as if they were in his confidence and had reasons for being anxious to hide his hands in the little he said he was a pleasant man enough plain, emphatic about public and private confidence and tenacious of the utmost deference being shown by everyone in all things to society in this same society if that were it which came to his dinners and to mrs. model's receptions and concerts he hardly seemed to enjoy himself much and was mostly to be found against walls and behind doors also when he went out to it instead of its coming home to him he seemed a little fatigued and upon the whole rather more disposed for bed but he was always cultivating it nevertheless and always moving in it and always laying out money on it with the greatest liberality mrs. model's first husband had been a colonel under whose auspices the bosom had entered into competition with the snows of North America and had come off at little disadvantage in point of whiteness and at none in point of coldness the colonel's son was mrs. model's only child he was of a chuckle-headed high-shouldered make with a general appearance of being not so much a young man as a swelled boy he had given so few signs of reason that a byword went among his companions that his brain had been frozen up in a mighty frost which prevailed at St. John's New Brunswick at the period of his birth there and had never thought from that hour another byword represented him as having in his infancy through the negligence of a nurse fallen out of a high window on his head which had been heard by responsible witnesses to crack it is probable that both these representations were of ex-post-factor origin the young gentleman whose expressive name was Sparkler being monomaniacal in offering marriage to all manners of undesirable young ladies and in remarking of every successive young lady to whom he tendered a matrimonial proposal that she was a doosed, fine girl well educated too with no big god-nonsense about her a son-in-law with these limited talents might have been a clog upon another man but Mr. Myrtle did not want a son-in-law for himself he wanted a son-in-law for society Mr. Sparkler having been in the guards and being in the habit of frequenting all the races and all the lounges and all the parties and being well-known society was satisfied with its son-in-law this happy result Mr. Myrtle would have considered well-attained though Mr. Sparkler had been a more expensive article and he did not get Mr. Sparkler by any means cheap for society even as it was there was a dinner giving in the Harley Street establishment while little Dorit was stitching at her father's new shirts by his side that night and there were magnets from the court and magnets from the city magnets from the commons and magnets from the lords magnets from the bench and magnets from the bar bishop magnets treasury magnets horse-guard magnets admiralty magnets all the magnets that keep us going and sometimes trip us up I am told that Mr. Myrtle has made another enormous hit they say a hundred thousand pounds horse-guards had heard two treasury had heard three bar handling his persuasive double eyeglass was by no means clear but that it might be four it was one of those happy strokes of calculation and combination the result of which it was difficult to estimate it was one of those instances of a comprehensive grasp associated with habitual luck and characteristic boldness of which an age presented us but few but here was Brother Bellows who had been in the Great Bank case and who could probably tell us more what did Brother Bellows put this new success at? Brother Bellows was on his way to make his bow to the bosom and could only tell them in passing that he had heard it stated with great appearance of truth as being worth from first to last half a million of money Admiralty said Mr. Myrtle was a wonderful man, treasury said he was a new power in the country and would be able to buy up the whole house of commons Bishop said he was glad to think that this wealth flowed into the coffers of a gentleman who was always disposed to maintain the best interests of society Mr. Myrtle himself was usually late on these occasions as a man still detained in the clutch of giant enterprises when other men had shaken off their dwarves for the day. On this occasion he was the last arrival treasury said Myrtle's work punished him a little Bishop said he was glad to think that this wealth flowed into the coffers of a gentleman who accepted it with meekness. Powder there was so much powder in waiting that it favored the dinner. Pulverous particles got into the dishes and society's meats had a seasoning of first-rate footmen Mr. Myrtle took down a countess who was secluded somewhere in the core of an immense dress to which she was in the proportion of the heart to the overgrown cabbage. If so low a simile may be admitted, the dress went down the staircase like a richly brocaded jack in the green and nobody knew what sort of small person carried it. Society had everything it could want and could not want for dinner.  It is to be hoped it enjoyed itself for Mr. Myrtle's own share of the repast might have been paid for with 18 puns. Mrs. Myrtle was magnificent. The chief butler was the next magnificent institution of the day. He was the statelist man in the company. He did nothing but he looked on as few other men could have done. He was Mr. Myrtle's last gift to society. Mr. Myrtle didn't want him and was put out of countenance when the great creature looked at him but in a peaceable society would have him and had got him. The invisible countess carried out the green at the usual stage of the entertainment and the file of beauty was closed up by the bosom. Treasury said Juno. Bishop said Judith. Bar fell into discussion with horse guards concerning court's marshal. Brothers bellows and bench struck in. Other magnates pared off. Mr. Myrtle sat silent and looked at the table cloth. Sometimes a magnate addressed him to turn the stream of his own particular discussion towards him. But Mr. Myrtle seldom gave much attention to it or did more than rouse himself from his calculations and pass the wine. When they rose, so many of the magnates had something to say to Mr. Myrtle individually that he held little levies by the sideboard and checked them off as they went out at the door. Treasury hoped he might venture to congratulate one of England's world-famed capitalists and merchant princes. He had turned that original sentiment in the house a few times and it came easy to him on a new achievement. To extend the triumphs of such men was to extend the triumphs and resources of the nation. And Treasury felt he gave Mr. Myrtle to understand patriotic on the subject. Thank you, my lord. Said Mr. Myrtle. Thank you. I accept your congratulations with pride and I am glad you approve. Why? I don't unreservedly approve my dear Mr. Myrtle because smiling Treasury turned him by the arm towards the sideboard and spoke banteringly. It never can be worth your while to come among us and help us. Mr. Myrtle felt honoured by the No, no, said Treasury, that is not the light in which one so distinguished for practical knowledge and great foresight can be expected to regard it. If we should ever be happily enabled by accidentally possessing the control over circumstances to propose to one so eminent to to come among us and give us the weight of his influence, knowledge and character we could only propose it to him as a duty. In fact, as a duty that he owed to society. Mr. Myrtle intimated that society was the apple of his eye and that its claims were paramount to every other consideration. Treasury moved on and Bar came up. Bar, with his little insinuating jury droop and fingering his persuasive double eyed glass, hoped he might be excused if he mentioned to one of the greatest converters of the root of all evil into the root of all good who had for a long time reflected a shining luster on the annals even of our commercial country. If he mentioned is interestedly and as what we lawyers called in our pedantic way, amicus curie, a fact that had come by accident within his knowledge. He had been required to look over the title of a very considerable estate in one of the eastern counties, lying in fact for Mr. Myrtle knew we lawyers loved to be particular on the borders of two of the eastern counties. Now the title was perfectly sound and the estate was to be by one who had the command of money, jury droop and persuasive eyed glass on remarkably advantageous terms. This had come to Bar's knowledge only that day and it had occurred to him. I shall have the honor of dining with my esteemed friend Mr. Myrtle that evening and strictly between ourselves, I will mention the opportunity. Such a purchase would involve not only a great legitimate political influence but half-dozen church presentations of considerable annual value. Now that Mr. Myrtle was already at no loss to discover means of occupying even his capital and fully employing even his active and vigorous intellect, Bar well knew. But he would venture to suggest that the question arose in his mind whether one who had deservedly gained so high a position and so European a reputation did not owe it. We would not say to himself but we would say to society to possess himself of such influences as these and to exercise them we would not say for his own or for his parties but we would say for society's benefit. Mr. Myrtle again expressed himself as wholly devoted to that object of his constant consideration and Bar took his persuasive eyeglass up the grand staircase. Bishop then came undesignedly sideling in the direction of the sideboard. Surely the goods of this world it occurred in an accidental way to Bishop to remark could scarcely be directed into happier channels than when they accumulated under the magic touch of the wise and sagacious who while they knew the just value of riches, Bishop tried here to look as if he were rather poor himself were aware of their importance judiciously governed and rightly distributed to welfare of our brethren at large. Mr. Myrtle with humility expressed his conviction that Bishop couldn't mean him and with inconsistency expressed his high gratification in Bishop's good opinion. Bishop then jointly stepping out a little with his well-shaped right leg as though he said to Mr. Myrtle don't mind the apron a mere form put this case to his good friend. Whether it had occurred to his good friend that society might not unreasonably hope that one so blessed in his undertakings and whose example on his pedestal was so influential with it would shed a little money in the direction of a mission or so to Africa. Mr. Myrtle signifying that the idea should have his best attention Bishop put another case whether his good friend had at all interested himself in the proceedings of our combined additional endowed dignitaries committee and whether it had occurred to him that to shed a little money in that direction might be a great conception finally executed. Mr. Myrtle made a similar reply and Bishop explained his reason for inquiring society looked to such man as his good friend to do such things it was not that he looked to them but that society looked to them just as it was not our committee who wanted the additional dignitaries but it was society that was in a state of the most agonizing uneasiness of mind until it got them he begged to assure his good friend that he was extremely sensible of his good friend's regard on all locations for the best interests of society and he considered that he was at once consulting those interests and expressing the feeling of society when he wished him continued prosperity continued increase of riches and continued things in general Bishop then he took himself upstairs and the other magnates gradually floated up after him until there was no one left below but Mr. Myrtle that gentleman after looking at the table cloth until the soul of the chief butler glowed with a noble resentment went slowly up after the rest and became of no account in the stream of people on the grand staircase Mrs. Myrtle was at home the best of the jewels were hung out to be seen society got what it came for Mr. Myrtle drank two penny worth of tea in a corner and got more than he wanted among the evening magnates was a famous physician who knew everybody and whom everybody knew on entering at the door he came upon Mr. Myrtle drinking his tea in a corner and touched him on the arm Mr. Myrtle started oh it's you any better today no said Mr. Myrtle I am no better a pity I didn't see you this morning pray come to me tomorrow or let me come to you well he replied I will come tomorrow as I drive by Bar and Bishop had both been bystanders during this short dialogue and as Mr. Myrtle was swept away by the crowd he made their remarks upon it to the physician Bar said there was a certain point of mental strain beyond which no man could go that the point varied with various textures of brain and peculiarities of constitution as he had had occasion to notice in several of his learned brothers but the point of endurance passed by a lion's breath depression and dyspepsia ensued not to intrude on the sacred mysteries of medicine he took it now a jury droop and persuasive eyeglass that this was Myrtle's case Bishop said that when he was a young man and had fallen for a brief space into the habit of writing sermons on Saturdays a habit which all young sons of the church should sedulously avoid he had frequently been sensible of a depression arising as he supposed from an overtaxed intellect upon which the bulk of a new laid egg beaten up by the good woman whose house he at that time lodged with a glass of sound sherry nutmeg and powdered sugar acted like a charm without presuming to offer so simple a remedy to the consideration of so profound a professor of the great healing art he would venture to inquire whether the strain being by way of intricate calculations the spirits might not humanly speaking be restored to their tone by a gentle and yet generous stimulant yes said the physician yes you're both right but I may as well tell you that I can find nothing the matter with Mr. Myrtle he has the constitution of a rhinoceros the digestion of an ostrich and the concentration of an oyster as to nerves Mr. Myrtle is of a cool temperament and not a sensitive man he's about as invulnerable I should say as Achilles how such a man should suppose himself unwell without reason you may think strange but I have found nothing the matter with him he may have some deep-seated recondite complaint I can't say I only say that at present I have not found it out there was no shadow of Mr. Myrtle's complaint on the bosom now displaying precious stones in rivalry with many similar superb dual stents there was no shadow of Mr. Myrtle's complaint on young sparkler hovering about the rooms monomaniacally seeking any sufficiently ineligible young lady with no nonsense about her and there was no shadow of Mr. Myrtle's complaint on the barnacles and stilled stalkings of whom whole colonies were present or on any of the company even on himself its shadow was faint enough as he moved about among the throng receiving homage Mr. Myrtle's complaint society and he had so much to do with one another in all things else that it is hard to imagine his complaint if he had one being solely his own affair had he that deep-seated recondite complaint and did any doctor find it out? patience in the meantime the shadow of the Marshal Seawall was a real darkening influence and could be seen on the Dorit family at any stage of the Sun's cause end of chapter the 21st book the first this recording is in the public domain


I'm going to show you how to make an open-faced venison sandwich with leftovers. This is in my cookbook, so if you want to start from scratch, you can get that, the name of its harvest, but today I'm going to show you how to make it the easy way. I have leftover meat, and I just cut it across the bias in thin little slices. It's venison. You can use duck. You can use any kind of leftovers that you have available at your house. The second thing I did is I just poured my sauce, which I had already made, and I just poured it right into the saucepan and got it going. You can use the store-bought with marinara. If you want to make your own, it's so simple. All you need to make your own homemade sauce is tomatoes, onion, rosemary, basil, a little bit of lemon juice, and garlic. You've got it made. It's that simple. All you do is just put it in a pot and let it reduce down until you're comfortable with that sauce. That's it. I'm going to go ahead and construct the sandwich. I'm going to put two pieces of bread on here, and then I'm going to put a little bit of sauce. I'm going to put a little bit of the venison, a little bit more sauce, and now I'm going to make my egg. I'm going to put it right down in my skillet. I'm going to do it sunny side up, so I'm going to put a top on it. You can use a sheet pan if you don't have a top, whatever, just to get the steam going inside it. I want the whites all the way done. It looks like my egg is just about ready. Look at how simple supper can be. Do you say supper or dinner? Okay, now I'm just going to slide it right onto the top of it and then break the yolk and let the yolk go down. I'm going to add a little bit of basil to make it a little brighter and more beautiful, and this is a great way to use up your leftover venison.