In this video, I'm going to explain to you why I'm going to invest another $13,000 into the crypto market within the next 30 days. But before I do that, I want to address something real quick because it annoys me tremendously. As of lately, I've seen a lot of fake comments under my crypto related videos, which annoys me a lot. It's always a new account with my profile picture. My name just written a little bit differently. Looks exactly like I'm responding to the comments, but they spam the comment section with a fake, not a fake, with the real, but not my phone number. I spend hours every single day just deleting those comments. But next morning, they're all right back. Please make sure that you don't engage with any of those fake and spammy accounts. They just create new ones every single day. And it's hard for me to, you know, keep it under control. Those comments are just there to scam you out of your money. I would never post my personal phone number on a public page. If you want to talk to me directly, you want to make sure that it's actually me. You have two options. Join my Patreon or become a member on my website, bodybagbottle.com, or you just wait and triple check if I responded to your comment. So one more time, please be careful and do not engage with those scam artists. Now back to the video. Recently, a new theory arose within the crypto community saying that the Bitcoin price was manipulated. It is called the Wicov distribution. And at this point, I want to give Uncomplication a shout out because he's the reason why I look deeper into the Wicov method. His video was amazing and it actually motivated me to read the entire Wicov method to see and understand or learn more about it to see how I can use it for myself. So if you want to check out this video, this is his account. Let's start from the beginning. What does it mean? Wicov distribution? What is that? Richard DeMille Wicov is considered one of the five titans of technical analysis and as you probably have guessed is the creator of the Wicov method. During his time on Wall Street, he observed the general public being fooled repeatedly, which is why he decided to educate the masses on how the game is played. The Wicov distribution explains the patterns of how big institutions move the price of an asset to get the most money out of it. After reading just this, I was like, all right, I want to learn everything about it. Before we move on, I want to make sure that you understand that the next idea is just like my personal interpretation in what I just learned a couple days ago and it's my theory on the current situation. Please remember, I'm not a financial advisor. I lift weights for a living and I love cryptocurrency and I love to invest my money into the stock market.  Don't trust anybody with your money. This video is for entertainment purposes only. When you look at the Wicov distribution, it looks scary accurate, to be honest.  You can do like a five minute chart, a seven minute chart, whatever you want to do. But I looked at the four hour chart and this is what it looked like. This is the Wicov distribution and this is the Bitcoin price. Scary accurate in my opinion. So here's my theory. If and that's a big if. We are in phase E. That would suggest that big players would probably want some time to accumulate more of their favorite asset before it will fly to 100,000, which everyone in this world is currently predicting. So when I look at this, I don't think Can I finish my video real quick? So when I look at this, I don't think we're out of the woods yet. I believe that we're currently in phase A of the accumulation event. I'll go please, let me finish this video. Okay. Do you want to be in the video? Is that what it is? Can I please finish the video, baby? You have to go P? Oh, that's a yes. I'll be right back. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Phase A of accumulation event. This is what I personally think like just reading up on everything. It would make sense that people or big institutions, big players, whales bought in a lot then they sold on top. That's why we bring down the price again. And now they will probably want to have some time to buy more Bitcoin or more assets. Here's what I think I personally believe or could see the potential drop below $30,000 for Bitcoin, which is not only super exciting to, you know, accumulate more. And now after looking at this chart, I will never know exactly when the selling climax is. So here's my idea of how I'm going to invest another $13,000 into the crypto market. Mind you, if I miss, I am paying for all the treats. If I don't make money, you don't get any treats. You love treats. I need that. I love you. Would have to work. I'm sorry, I love him, but sometimes he's a lot. Let's try one more time. Mind you, if I miss the dip, then so be it. But if Bitcoin drops below $30,000, this will trigger my buying finger and I will purchase $13,000 worth of cryptocurrency, Ethereum and Bitcoin. Since I'm not a wizard and I'm not even sure if my theory is correct, I will never know when the selling climax hits. So here's what I want to do. I'm just going to purchase $500 up to $1,000 every single day of Ethereum until my $13,000 is completely invested. That way I just dollar cost average into that accumulation phase or event and whenever we bounce up and have the next bull run to the $100,000 that everybody predicts, I think I'll be in a good spot. Obviously I could invest the $13,000 right now, but I, again, I truly believe that we're not done yet and I believe we're going down even further. This is exciting because if I can get a Bitcoin for $25,000 instead of $48,000 where I bought in a couple months ago, that would be really good. As you guys can tell, I'm super excited about the current situation we're in because I now see it as a big opportunity to just buy assets that I love for a massive discount rather than, you know, being scared of like, oh, the money that I invested like a couple months ago is now worth a lot less. But during the hard times is when you actually learn the most. When I look back, when I first started investing into the stock market and I saw the first couple of red signs and like was just minus 2%, 4%, 5%, I got scared, emotionally attached to my money and I couldn't handle it. After studying and like going through a lot of those phases, I was able to detach emotions from money. I now invest money that I don't need for the next five years, which makes things way easier because even if Bitcoin drops down to $10,000 and I have another $13,000 invested, I'll just wait and hold. Alright, this is it for today's video. I love documenting this entire journey. I remember when I made one of the first videos where I invested $160,000 into Bitcoin at $48,000 and I thought, oh my God, that was cheap. That just proves to me and that's why I love documenting it so much because I rewatched that video and I still feel the same about Bitcoin. I don't believe that it's going down to $5,000 ever again, but looking at it just reassured me why I made the purchase in the first place. So now at this massive discount, I'm even more excited to buy more. Thank you so much for watching guys. If you enjoyed this video, please help me up with the YouTube algorithm. You know what it likes. It likes a comment. It likes a like. It likes a like. It likes a like and a comment and a subscription and notification bell on. That's four, to be honest. Here we go. Thank you so much. I'll see you next time.


A book in Moodle is a series of connected pages. You can think of it as a mini-website or as a manual, as for instance this book on a school Moodle which is a departmental policy document. A book is useful because you can include not only text but links, images, sound and video such as a YouTube video here. Our teaching with Moodle course uses books for the tutorials and you can see that books have a block called a table of contents showing the different sections or chapters. To add a book to our course we first turn on the editing from the gear menu top right and then in the section we want to add our book we click add an activity or resource. This brings up Moodle's activity chooser. A book is a resource because learners just read it, they don't interact with it. Clicking the button once gives us information in the right pane about how best to use a book and clicking twice takes us straight to the setup screen. We give our book a name and if needed a description and if we want to display this description on the course page we tick the box. In appearance we can decide how we want the chapters which some prefer to think of as pages of our book to be displayed for example numbered. We can also choose how we want to move around in our book. We could simply have the table of contents and no navigation or images which are the arrows you see in our teaching with Moodle books here. They are using numbers for chapter formatting or you can also choose text that means the names of each chapters are shown as you can see again in our departmental policy document which has no numbering. It's up to you to decide the best one for your learners. When we click save and display we can start adding content to our book and once we've made one chapter you can see that its name appears over on the table of contents. We can add another one by clicking the plus icon and then when we've saved a second one you see there's an arrow allowing us to change the order of the chapters. The configure icon lets us do some edits, the bin will delete our chapter and the eye will hide it from students. So we can continue with our book by clicking the plus icon again. Finally if we click on a book and look at the gear menu we see that it's possible to print books as PDFs, something your students might be interested to know.


damper. That's the one with the, the sintering spring is the one with the weird glass added pecs on. We've got a picture in here somewhere, the full one damper. And we've got something for you to cut in the water and it's made out of the correct flight aluminum tube here and we haven't had any problem with cutting through it. It just goes right through that stuff. Okay. Okay. Your wire harness at the sip, six on the port side and eight on the starboard side.  Thank you. Thank you. Very fine one lock. Take the crew members down for final ballasting. Go heads up and let's take it slow. The crew member on it back and check the police traps for me please. Give me an okay. Did we have some tools for you in the airlock there too? Yeah, they're there. What else do we need Bob? Okay. From the tool box you need a wrist tether and the cable cutters. I've got one wrist tether. And I think the other one of you was short a wrist tether as you're coming out of the airlock. Okay. Out of the airlock. I had taken that to install those half inch Allen drives on. Do we blow the pyro even if the, I realize you have to do it to install the manual after, but do you blow the pyro even if the aft did not drive far enough to engage the slip ring? Yeah, because it's still hooked on. The slip ring has to be engaged in order to move the IUS. Oh yeah, that's right. We have a rule on the speed here also. It's also two and a half turns per minute. Okay. So slow at steady. You don't slam it down into the orbiter. Oasis on your flight? No. We haven't figured out whether this Oasis wire that's down there on that centering spring will still be there for you to cut. It may be that they've wired up the ASC but not the orbiter. What I need is the by-scripts probably Mark. 13 minutes left. So if you want to do the airlock ingress stuff. Okay, why don't we go slow today and we'll do that some other time.


Welcome, this is Melissa Armo with a Stock Swoosh and Cyber Week is here. So I'm doing sales and holiday packages for this haul week through Sunday, December 9th. So I had done some sales for Black Friday, they were very popular, a lot of the packages I did so I decided to extend them through Cyber Week. And it's very interesting because this year was a good year 2019, but I'm really firming up in my mind and putting out the positive energy to create a fabulous year for 2020. So I'm doing that for myself. You need to do that for yourself if you want to have a strong year. Don't wait until January to think about 2020 and your trading for 2020, start getting that momentum and that positive energy and that thought process, that thinking, imagining and picturing yourself being successful in the market for 2020 now. And take that energy into the new year with you. If you have any questions, you can email me at Melissa at thestockswoosh.com or call me at 929-3200-Gatt or follow me on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube or Skype. So this is Cyber Week. I pretty much did all my Christmas shopping this week on Monday and Tuesday. So I definitely took advantage myself of Cyber Week sales and offers. So we are officially into the holiday season and it again is going to be a very exciting month I think with a lot of volatility in the market. We haven't, we've just started to see a little tinge of it I think this week. We haven't really seen what I think we're going to see this month yet, but it's coming up. So happy holidays from the stock swash from New York City. And so let's go over all of the holiday packages for Cyber Week. So the first one is the bullish trader package, we're doing this class in January. I don't do this class every month. So this class is usually once a year, I'll show you now. Who is this package perfect for? Anyone who wants to do overnight trading, because a lot of the overnights have been longs. Anyone that loves to go long. Anyone who wants all of Melissa's options calls for one year and anyone who wants to become a professional trader. Price for this is $79.99 and this is a great deal because it saves you $44.99 almost $4,500. This includes a very popular gap options newsletter, which is $59.99 a year alone for that letter alone. And it also includes the bullish golden gap course, which is normally $64.99. So this is a great deal and a great offer. So this will be again offered through December 9th, excuse me. The next offering is or package, holiday package is the bearish trader package. This is $64.99, it includes the bearish golden gap course, that's the main class I do every month. And the stocks will show live trading room for one year. So who is this perfect for? Anyone who wants to day trade. This includes the trading room for one year.  Anyone who wants to become a professional trader, anyone that loves to short because we do mostly shorts in the room and you're going to learn how to short and how to find the bearish gaps in the class. This package price is $64.99, savings is $39.99, you get the room free for one year. This is a great, great deal. Now if you're only interested in doing options, okay, you don't have time to day trade. I'm doing the options trader package, who is this perfect for? Anyone who is swing trading or doing options, anyone who wants to start doing options, anyone who's doing options and needs long-term trend analysis education, anyone who needs trade ideas each week from me, anyone who wants to profit from overnight moves because some of them we hold and carry through overnight, anyone who doesn't have time to actively day trade. If you're busy with your job and you can't actively day trade, this may be a way free to make money in the market without having to be at your computer each morning or all day. Anyone who doesn't have a margin account because you don't need a margin account, you can use a cash account to do options and you want to trade. So the package price for this is $59.99. This is a nice offer because it includes the gap options course and the trends course and the gap options newsletter for one year. Okay? This is a great offering, all inclusive, again offered through December 9th. Then I'm also offering the swing trader package. This includes the trends course, the wealth manifestation course and one month free and the stocks will show live trading room. Great class, package price is $1,000, savings is $1,000 is a great offering. This is great for anyone that is swing trading, anyone that needs help with long-term trend analysis, anyone that's doing options and you need to understand how to look at long-term trends in a chart for holding, anyone that needs to manifest wealth in their life and anyone who wants to attract money into their life. And again, this is perfect for going into 2020, going to be doing this class for the wealth manifestation in January and the trends class is in December. Then I'm also offering private mentoring package who is this perfect for anyone who's trading the market, anyone who wants better results trading, anyone who wants to become a full-time trader and anyone that is having trouble and feels frustrated with their trading. There's no prerequisites for this. You don't have to be a current student to sign up for this. Price is $2,000, savings is $400. This is nice because it includes six one-hour sessions with me one-on-one via Skype phone or in the trading room and it expires in one year. Okay, so if you need help, you can reach out for that. Then I'm also doing this and I've never, never done this before, a payment plan letter option. Total price is $59.99 and includes the letter for one year but I'm allowing people to split up the payment. You pay $3,500 now and then $1249.50 January 1st, $1249.50 February 1st. So this is good to help people get a taste of the letter and start trading for the first month. Who is this perfect for? Anyone who wants to trade options, anyone who wants to trade options and needs trade ideas because you get the trade ideas in the newsletter, I send the trade. Anyone who's trading now and wants better results, anyone who does not have a margin account and wants to trade, anyone that has a small account, okay, because they can't do the day trades, don't have a margin account, anyone that wants to start trading and doesn't have the time to be active in the day trade room and yet wants to make money in the market, anyone who wants to break up the payments just to make it easier for you to join, anyone that wants to start getting my options calls now. Never done this before, it's a good offering. So this is a VIP stock swish trader package that I'm offering as well, okay. So bottom line is this is something that I have never done before either and I'm doing it if you want all the courses in all the classes, okay. This is a deluxe holiday package which includes the golden gap course, the bullish golden gap course, the gap options course, the gap options newsletter subscription annual, the stock swish show live trading remanual, the trends course, the entries course, the wealth manifestation course, the market report, one weekly subscription, the market outlook report and who is this perfect for? Anyone who wants to learn it all and do it all with me in 2020, okay. So this is everything that I teach all the classes and all the subscriptions for one year. So this is a huge huge statement is almost 50% off. I've never done this before either, but if you want to take all the classes and get all the subscriptions for 2020, this is it. Package price is 15,000, savings is 14,246. Anyways, the next class is December 14th and 15th, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern time. Cost of the class is 64 and 99 US dollars, classes online, it could be anywhere in the world and take it. So that is the next class. Don't forget 2020 is coming. It is literally less than a month away. New Year's Eve is almost here. I just can't believe it. I'm ready for Christmas. All my Christmas shopping is done, but I am just, I am like, I cannot believe it is almost 2020 and I'm very excited about next year. Very excited about all the wonderful things to come. All the exciting things for the stocks, which 2019 was a great year and 2020 is going to be even better. Come join if this is the time that you want to get involved. Learn what I know about the gap trading method. Get the options, trades and the day trades. Email me if you have questions. Again, all these cyber sales are running through December 9th. Email me if you want more information at Melissa at thestockswish.com. Have a great day everyone.


You guys surviving well you want to listen Alex you want to get on up to you Toppings how to stay slowly I was dreaming in here Yeah, we uh, I was a little busy guys started this one hour later Might bring on someone here try a different format today Zombie hours guys.    It's not about trying to look cool All right, we have a little more people come in. I think people don't know I'm starting this thing late So it's pretty foggy here. Let me take a look Outside smog. I don't even know it's fog down in LA. I'm in all Los Angeles right now guys Oh my goodness. It's All right, let's start All right guys How's you guys do today a lot of movers lately guys a lot of movers? But with all these movers, it's tricky, you know, they they work, you know, when you least expect it guys It works because he's always sick the process of works The problem is when you go back to the well too many times when you over trade So these markets guys be very very very careful about over trading You know, you can go from big green day to big red day very fast due to traps Because what what happens is we over trade what does over trading mean over trade means, you know, it's kind of like First you start trading the a plus setups and the a plus and the a setups and the b setups is pretty soon You have a cushion and so what happens when you have a cushion is use the good cushion game We talked about this a lot, right? You find all my videos on cushion game Um And so what happens what you build a cushion you start to gamble become loosey-goosey, right?   So what do you do? Same thing as you always do during the bull market same thing man Go live your life, but live it in the sense of the you know the perspective, right?  So it's the same thing same thing with trading So when you wake up in the morning, all the markets are down today What do you do you stick to your process your process is what you got you here right guys And so what happens is you can change your process and the thing that's the thing people don't understand You can you you don't have to stick to the same process the process we find yourself over time You change it over time, you know You make it better and the markets change and so you must adapt to the markets And so that's why we always say you adapt or you die, right? It's a Darwinism survival of the fittest, right?  You know I used I love twitter I used to love twitter because I back then there was nobody helping people day trade to learn day trade And so we started to do that and now people just trolling everybody back and forth I don't know what the reason is. I'm not going to get into that game I'm just staying positive and so the moment that you stay positive It's when you win, you know so much wasted energy Hating on others trolling on others and all this stuff for what competition to make yourself seem better than you are Who cares if you're good or not right guys at the end of the day We are judged not necessarily what materialistic shit we have but how we impact the world How many people you've changed right and so you can be famous and and be a hitler Or you'd be famous and be like someone that changed the world like Einstein, right?  Biden is trying to convince everybody. We're not in this recession So if this is not a recession where we have two consecutive quarters of negative gdp growth Then imagine his definition of recession His definition of recession might be a depression to the point where the economic collapse Then he'll say oh, yeah, we are now in the recession.  Okay. You have all these guys who are You have all these guys who made a lot of money last year the year before now They're blowing up because I have no risk management back back then the stock kept on going up up up up up You could buy the dip Buy the dip and then eventually go back up same with crypto Crypto guys got rich because all they did was buy buy buy buy and hold hold hold hold And how did that work out for them right the ones I sold made money the one that held now lost all their money Okay, guys, so make a plan. This is my point to you. Okay, you only get lucky so many times I've been waiting for a recession hit for so long. I've been storing cash I've been trying to make a plan maybe buy real estate things like that guys So make a plan.  Okay. There's less opportunities and once again, you don't have to go long You can learn to short sell stocks. All right. That's what m. I see does but the point is just Avoid all this gloom and doom. I'm a very positive individual guys when I see doom and gloom I think opportunity That's how I think the you know the grass always greener. There's a silver lining But think of that as an opportunity guys So when you see these guys complaining on twitter when they see When you see guys trolling, you must wonder yourself that life must be so shitty behind the scenes Where they must go and talk and put people down online that they don't know right things like that So you I use it as a gauge, you know an economic And also a mental psychological gauge as to the economy when I see guys out there Who normally don't troll who make money train supposedly and who starts to start to troll all of a sudden You must know that something is going on and so you you should feel that you're not the only one that's going through issues Guys, so this is not meant to be a psychological lesson by me I didn't know the topic today because I want to mix it up. We can talk about training if you want So let's so I want to do this. It's been a while. I want to take questions now guys Let me field questions because Alex is out Um, I on personal stuff this week. And so I'm going to change the format a little bit So as a way guys, I'm going to take some questions because I really don't know what to say right now because I don't want to keep talking about the same Oh training stuff over and over again. It's really boring, right? Um, there's a lot of videos that we have out there And so, you know, you can watch it but for this week, let's let's see if I answer some of your questions It could be life coaching. It could be anything you want guys Does not have to be Trading related to you what I'm trading here. You want to see some six charts? I'll show you some six charts Um, I posted about twitter guys, so, you know, if you want to go to twitter see my charts, then you can ask me questions as well How do you cope with losing money? Oh, first of all, I came from no money So having any money is good So coping with no money. I've already coped it growing up in a poor environment The problem is if you are sheltered if your parents Pretended they had money and never taught you the value of a dollar How hard is to make a dollar you never ever learn and that's why you need to go into Rehab and go into and see a psychiatrist because you have no money.  I'm an immigrant.   They don't know how to handle money They do drugs. They get lazy. They start fights. They they become materialistic They they become arrogant and so coping with making money is more of an issue for me than to not have money Sometimes I wish I don't have money like, you know, I went through bad relationships where I just I just threw through a money so I can leave the relationship things like that guys. So, um, how do you cope with Losing money.  Why am I buying all these materialistic bullshit? Is it because I want to impress someone that feel bad for myself that I need to Wear some fancy clothes or do I really like it? If you really like something that's completely fine But if you're doing just a showboat fake it till you make it then that's the problem When your camera was flipped we could see your nuts Yeah, right here These nuts Any, uh, what's another question guys? Yeah, thanks schwey You know what man? I'm on superstitious guys and so a quick thing on superstition. Well g o v x just I told them guys This covers them all. Yeah But um, yeah funk schwey man funk schwey is basically the energy you harness it You know it comes from the uh, the the the asian superstition, but you know what man? I believe in it because you know why it alleviates my anxiety Anything that can alleviate my anxiety helps me trade better. So if if it may be knocking on wood Wear your lucky shirt for the day when you trade this No, like I have a lot of weird superstition guys I had to do laundry last night because I ran out of these black boxer briefs I usually wear when I when I trade So I was walking around naked this morning Well waiting for the dryer to dry so I can put on my lucky boxer briefs, right?  Yeah, I need to bring that back guys.  I don't have time To to be emotional. I'm too busy focused staring at the charts staring at the level two staring at my process Um to even think and so like when when it's a reactionary Um, I call it trading like a reflex when the market opens.   I didn't see that Now I see it Thank you I did not trade it because I didn't see it Will you ever trade dacha? I do whatever I feel I have an edge on guys Um large cats like I always tell people I I don't see an edge for myself as long as small cats are running because small cap You know the the end result is this a scam guys.  I know the end game because I know the end game I know these companies are not real therefore Shorting is a huge edge for me.  So don't cry too badly about missing shorting 12 bucks It's zombie. You know the zombie rule you stop and I want to tell you something about trading guys There's Like like same thing with golf There's many levels to golf just like many levels of trading when when you start out with golf You don't know how to pick up the golf club. You don't know how to swing the golf club And so, you know, you have to get a tutor.  Why is he trolling you? Seriously, same thing with trade.  Obviously this is trying to learn how to trade But you know, there's two types of people that don't don't know how to trade There are ones that are truly New and want to learn those are okay. I would help those guys But then there are the guys that suck because of their attitude They think that they they don't they don't need help that they blew up because they they did on themselves So if they lost money means that trading is a scam and those become the haters the haters are the ones that are Unsuccessful the ones that that lost all the money.   Yeah, man. I might bring it back. I love that man I you know, I've been busy with life, but um, it seems like it's fun to bring it back now So maybe I'll do that same guys.   We had a meet-up in SoCal man We have meet-ups in Bay Area and all this stuff So but the next big meet-up is our anniversary for your anniversary show up.  It's completely free open to everybody.  Where can you meet millionaires? Where can you meet guys? I wanted to be millionaire.   I see because you know why we are the only ones almost scam people We don't scam people. We can walk around in public. All these guys are hating on us.  Maybe I'm too good.     You know, we're giving free pizza and beer or two Uh, I just want you guys to meet quality people You know, these are could be your lifelong friends. They don't have This doesn't even necessarily have to be trading. That's what I'm trying to tell you This is like the country club for the everyday man. Okay guys, so I'll see you guys in Utah Make sure you freaking attend to you. I don't want you guys to miss this.    Okay, so I'll see you guys in Utah And I'll see you guys online


So this past weekend, I was on a boy's trip with three of my oldest mates that I've known for 35 plus years. And what was interesting about this is two of the men are, have been married for over 25 years and one, we were all in each other's wedding. One of them has been divorced for not quite as long as I have and he's in a relationship right now. And I decided to pick these guys brains.  So I want to lean into this conversation of what causes a man to stop making efforts, stop chasing, stop pursuing you. So what's interesting of the two married guys, I was thinking to myself, these guys would be such fish out of water if they got divorced now. Now thankfully, they're happily married. And ladies, let me just say this, for many of you who do not believe that there are good men out there, there is an abundance of good men out there. There really are. Okay? At the same time, these good men, if they were actually in the dating marketplace today, as I said a moment ago, I think these guys would be a fish out of water, because they wouldn't have any clue how to date. It's been over 25 years for them. They wouldn't even know what internet dating is like. And I'm sure many of you will feel the same way. Many of you are in this position of having to do something contrary to what you were raised with. And I know speaking for myself, I know I, you know, when I joined the realms of single after divorce, these, this thing called online dating, what the heck was that? And in some ways, I thought this was an easy way to meet a person. And I was in for a big surprise. In fact, that's what led me to my profession. I'm grateful that it's put me in a position to be able to help people. And so, but coming back to the one person who is in a relationship, he's divorced in a relationship, we were talking about one of his previous relationships and why it ended. And what he said to me was in the beginning of the relationship, there was all these good things about the relationship. As he got to know this person, then as the relationship began to progress, the bad started to outweigh the good. The bad started to outweigh the good. And I know many of you have probably experienced the same thing. You've been in a relationship where the bad begins to outweigh the good, but you feel stuck. You feel as though you have no choice but to stick it out. Some people even double down on these types of relationship. And I can share with you, he even felt that he stayed a four-year relationship. He's probably stayed three and a half years too long. And I guess you might have felt the same way. So, you know, as a coach, my job is to help you do a better job of choosing people like those first two guys I spoke of, those guys that are in fully committed relationships, happily in love with their wives, and they don't have to worry about the dating marketplace and the mess it is right now.  Because we're dealing with rather dysfunctional human beings. That's right.  It is very complicated to meet somebody who's aligned with your values, who is compatible with your lifestyle. And more importantly, they have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship. This is why I began a coaching practice. And if you aren't familiar with the I am a coach, I help women do a better job of bedding then. And if you need help with that, check out the link right here to a you see right there, a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. I teach you which questions you should ask a guy to determine if he's right for you. And more importantly, his emotional maturity. Now, if I come back to my two friends who are married, I think they're both emotionally mature. And yet they probably don't have I'm going to suspect this, because they've only been with each one of them is literally only been with one significant person their entire life. All they know is that. And yet to date, the importance of having emotional maturity and relationship skills to actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship, most importantly, conflict resolution skills. But I'm going off on a tangent here, because this detracts from where I was going in this conversation and what causes a man to stop pursuing and stop chasing you. Well, as I said in the beginning, we oftentimes enter into relationship with all the good and oftentimes it's the chemistry that drives the relationship. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, you can see here, attraction is based on chemistry. That's above the waterline. Below the waterline is compatibility. I said this earlier, shared values, blendable lifestyle and more importantly, emotional maturity. See, we humans tend to focus on the attraction piece, the good piece. And yet as a relationship begins to become seasoned, we're dealing with, does this person's values really align with mine? Does this person's lifestyle align with mine? I know many of you have invested months, if not years in a long distance relationship and you have no clue as to whether or not this relationship will actually align for you. I know most of you know I wasn't a long distance relationship. That long distance didn't last very long until we decided to make a commitment with each other and move in together. So it wasn't really a long distance relationship for very long. In fact, all we had to do was drive to each other's airports as far as the distance is concerned. So I started to think, when does that point of the good starts, the bad starts to outweigh the good? And today we're dealing with another challenging issue. And that is dating is a relatively new phenomena.  Before that people made it rather quickly with one another. Even my girlfriends, parents got engaged. They eloped 12 days after knowing each other, 12 days. That wasn't uncommon 60, 70, 80 years ago. Today we go through a vetting process. We go through a dating process to get to know someone. And I want you to think about this. This drastically changes from those who are in their 20s and 30s versus those of us in our 40s, 50s and 60s. Because we come to the table with a lot more luggage in our lives. We might have children. We might have a contentious ex. All of this plays into a part of whether or not we can really be compatible with another human being. So going and because we're dating, we're oftentimes a lot of people aren't capable of full commitment. I want you to think of this. A lot of people aren't capable of full commitment. If you're not familiar with my other chart, and I'm sorry that it's not fancy, but I talk about the three types of people who are actively dating. And I want you to can see here, by the way, this is not a fact that's merely an opinion. The first category are users. These are the people in it for the short run. They're the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the entitled people, the selfish people only care about themselves. I say that's roughly 20% of the population. I'm sure most of you think it's more than that. Then I say there are the growers and the builders. These are people that genuinely want to grow into a relationship with someone. And the majority of people 60% are what I call spenders. They want to spend time with you. They're capable of companionship, connection, and sex. What they're not capable of is commitment. And since the majority of everybody is dating in this pool, if you will, it's no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. Because many of you aren't establishing genuine commitment right from the very beginning. In fact, ladies, many of you know my rhetoric.  Okay, chapter one, at least chapter one, read it with a guy, is all about trust and commitment. Think about this for a second. What is trust? Trust isn't about fidelity, although that is important. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at hand?  I want to say I am participated in this frequently.  I didn't have their best interest at hand because I was only looking out for my best interest. Real commitment happens when you establish trust with one another, where you can feel like this person has my best interest. Isn't that really the most important facet of a relationship? Is that level of commitment? And yet many of you don't even know how to establish commitment. Many of you don't even know the right questions to ask to determine if this person is capable of leaning into commitment. So guess what? You're naturally going to be dating a significant pool of those spenders I talk about. And guess what happens with spenders?  But remember I talked about before, the good, the bad starts to outweigh the good of what's happening in the relationship. These guys and gals tend to flake. So I want to lean into what are some of the reasons why a person starts to, because when we think about when they stop pursuing and they stop chasing, they're really pulling back, right? You've heard about this, why do men pull away? Why do men pull back? And please, please, please do not follow the rhetoric that says just lean back in your feminine energy when the guy pulls away because he's going to lean in and claim you.   And believe me, you do not want to be playing the game of leaning back every time he pulls away. So I want to better prepare you to be in a healthy happy relationship. This is one of the reasons why I recommend so many books so you can be better prepared to be in a relationship. But let's talk about those five things that make a guy stop chasing and pursuing you. All right, number one, this is the saddest one of all. In some sense, he, by the way, here's my notes. Someone better entered his life. That's right. Sadly, when many of you are in casual relationships, that you don't have a real established goal of building something together. Remember, I talked about the growers and the builders. These are men who genuinely want to build something with you. When you're spent, when you're with a spender or a user, you do not have established partnership agreement to explore the deeper roots of trust that, that make for a committed relationship. So the minute someone nice, you know, someone more attractive comes along, a man will start pulling away. But these days, since there's very little commitment established in the early stage of relationship, these happen usually very quickly. And what I mean to say quickly is that because dating today has very little real commitment to the process of getting to know someone. Let me let me see if I have my book. If the Buddha dated up here, where's my if the Buddha dated somewhere here. Here it is. Sorry, my new bookshelf here.    If I was going to recommend an empowerment book, I highly recommend the book. If why men love bitches, here we go.  Yes, because those women typically don't lose men to a man chasing someone else. I'm here to encourage an empowered way to approach the dating process. And yet sadly, many of you are struggling on the inside because you have childhood wounds and traumas, child and wounds and traumas that need healing. This is why I'm going to grab one more book out of my bookshelf today. I highly recommend reading the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing those childhood wounds and traumas. So you don't have to find yourself in a position that he's looking for someone better. Believe me, those empowered women, those women who have done the inner work, the women who stand up for themselves as a babe in total control of themselves, they tend to don't lose men to them finding someone else. Okay, that's number one.  Now, what made me think of this is Amber Heard. And if many of you follow the Amber Heard Johnny Debt Trials and he was no picnic either, but I'm here to say is there might be that person that gets constantly triggered by what's happening in this person's life or the, let's talk about the guy's life, they're constantly triggered. And I've had men, I've had men tell me repeatedly, they're in relationships with women who are constantly triggered, not accepting the man for who he is. And those triggers turn into a confrontation in the relationship. Now, I will suspect that one of the challenges women face with men is that men tend to be more emotionally stoic. And men, in some cases, men are emotionally constipated. What I mean to say is they don't have the emotional skills to articulate their feelings in a way that makes you see, that makes you feel seen, heard, and understood. In fact, I kind of think about it this way, your desire of emotional desire from him is here, his capability is here, and that space in between is called drama. And drama is one of the primary reasons why a guy starts to slowly pull away, the bad starts to outweigh the good that was established in the beginning of the relationship. Drama is a tough one. And what I'm here to say is a lot of women don't realize that their own individual triggers cause a man to push him away. It's those triggers of fear usually. Here's the thing. Oh, by the way, where's my other book? Oh, my sweetheart pulled it out for me. I'm only recommending this book for a moment. It's called How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis. Why I'm bringing up this book in this moment in relationship to drama is I'm here to encourage a more conscious way of approaching the dating process by building trust right from the early stages. So if you're physically intimate with each other, that's to a time to establish this level of trust and commitment and intimacy with each other. So you don't find yourself in this position of I need you to love me to feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Sadly, we are suckling on the nipple here in the United States of a constant need of validation. Now, I can speak personally. I'm a little insecure in this way. I probably need a little bit more validation than my partner does. And yet one of the things we do is we talk about some of our triggers. If at least you can discuss them in a more conscious way, you're less likely to have a man stop chasing or stop putting effort into you. Okay. Number three.  Many of you men and women out there have established a relationship built on a trauma bond between the two of you. He's got some emotional trauma bond going on. You have an emotional trauma bond going, excuse me, you have an emotional trauma going on. He has an emotional trauma going on. You bond it together. And what's happening is you're reliving a trauma bonding cycle with one another.  Number three. He's a spender and he doesn't see the relationship going anywhere. I talked about those men that are the spenders in the relationship. This is those are the men that because they don't have a conscious level of commitment established in their desire with a partner, they just want to spend time with someone that companionship that connection and sex that they they almost enter into a relationship knowing that it's going to end because they're just killing time with you. I was talking to someone the other day who said that during COVID, they entered into a relationship with somebody knowing that it was short lived because it was just companionship in that moment. A lot of people during COVID had what I call companionship relationships. These weren't long lived these weren't relationships that were going for the long term. And so what ended up happening is those relationships end up fading out. So again, coming back to in the beginning of the dating process, it's all good because you're driven by that chemistry and that lust and that limerence. Limerence is this extreme evacuation. Lust is that desire to want physical sexual connection with someone. But as soon as that the other emotional side doesn't get fulfilled, these relationships tend to fade. And as I said earlier, men tend to pull back and stop chasing and pursuing. Number four, his life is in chaos.  They've got a contentious ex that they're dealing with. Maybe they had problematic children. Maybe they have covert incest with one of their children. Look that up. Covert incest. That's one of my five glaring red flags I talked about in the video about a month ago. Maybe he's got issues at work. Maybe he's got health issues. Now, speaking as a person that's a tail end baby boomer Gen X or medical issues are going to be prevalent for those of us in that age bracket. But these are more true for men and women alike. The more complicated a person's life. See, here's the thing. It's not that people that have melt health issues or contentious ex or problems with work or problems with family members or whatnot aren't deserving of a relationship. The real question is do they have a strong enough foundation underneath them to build the layers of trust and commitment and intimacy to actually build that house called committed relationship. And the weaker the ground underneath them, the harder it is for them to establish relationships. So number four, their life is in chaos. You're not keep how many ladies have experienced the following. You met a great guy. You're having a good time. You're on your 10th or 11th date.  And all of a sudden he pulls the, you know, I'm not ready for a relationship card. Now it could be because of you, but it could be a lot of times they throw their life under the bus. And maybe if you ask better questions, again, schedule a discovery call with me, ask better questions, right from the get go, you would avoid those men who are going to bail early on. And lastly, number five, he's insecure. And he doesn't feel you love him. That's right. There's a significant percentage of men who are as much as you guys go, Jonathan, I want that confident man that's going to sweep me off my feet. Well, a lot of guys might seem that way right from the beginning. But at the end of the day, there is a lot of men and I'm going to raise my hand in this, this category that can be insecure. I have, I'm riddled with insecurities. And sometimes I have felt in previous dating experience that the person didn't like me or love me enough for me to make that investment. This is the problem with so many people actively dating today without a level of purpose, a lack of level of intentionality. And sadly, we're dealing with a huge population that lack emotional maturity and relationship skills. By the way, if you haven't seen this chart, it's not a fact. It's merely an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population is actively dating as clinical emotional health issues. That doesn't mean they're not capable of being in a relationship, but it makes it harder for them that foundation. And while I say 20% have good relationship skills, the vast majority are dysfunctional. It's taken me over a decade to learn all of the terminology and all the little tools to be able to navigate conflict and relationship. And so few people actually know how to do that. So what's the antidote to all of those folks? All right, many of you know, I'm going to start off by pitching my book right there is right behind me is my book right there. But my book is what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. While I'm recommending my book, along with something even more critically important is is understanding that good communication skills is developed over time. Just because women have a propensity to express their emotions doesn't mean they're expressing it in a healthy way. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend checking this out. Folks, many of you have this many women as well as men have this fantasy that they're actually good at being in a relationship. I'm here to say your job in dating is one goal is to determine if this person is right for me and is this person capable well actually I said one goal I mean this inclusively in this school are they right for me and are they capable of actually leaning into a healthy happy relationship. And yet most everybody is in the delusion that chemistry equals relationship success and they no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. So what's the antidote to all this? Start with personal development, start with the inner work, start with dating yourself. So you can be in a position that whether you find a relationship or not you are so feeling empowered within yourself that it doesn't matter if a man or woman enters your life and what happens when you reach that tipping point when you feel so good about yourself that's usually when the magic happens. So that's my invitation for all of you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Give me a thumbs up. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new to watching my content. All right, I think this will be a good place to start with our Q&A for the evening. Most of you know my format. If you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box there. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley who passed away four years ago and I donate to organizations like the Hoffman process and Insight seminars and if you're watching the repeat, you can just hit that button by the description and you can purchase a Super Thanks to invest. So again, if you have a question, write the word question, post the question thereafter. By the way, if you do notice, I have now different lighting and different. This is going to be my, I think my studio for a while. So I'd like to know what you all think about this as well. All right. Well, it looks like we have a questionnaire. Rachel says, I'm not sure what she says. What was the second part of this? Is the person right?  And lastly, do they have the relationship skills to navigate the bumps that typically happen in a relationship? I wonder if my book is handy here. Where is Dr. Calvin's book? Well, I don't see it handy. There's a new, there's a, okay, so many of you know I've been watching binge watching something called Married at First Sight and there's a guy by the name of Dr. Calvin on there or Pastor Calvin, I should say. And I like him because his, one of his main principles is all centered around conflict resolution. In fact, in the book Eight Dates, it talks about the importance of knowing conflict resolution. So folks, listen, many of you invest weeks, months, years with a person who's incapable of being in a relationship.  I have client, I get, matter of fact, I just got a message the other day from one of you beautiful ladies out there said, Jonathan, I'm following your advice by reading this book with somebody and at least establishes some level of, of communication and intimacy with one another. In fact, I have a client of mine who said her, her boyfriend loved the book so much that he bought a copy for his brother and use the questions she used in our coaching to teach his brother how to be better at this process. So I love it that some men are adopting my work. I wish more men were watching my channel so they can start making the shift as well. But for now, I'm starting with you ladies starts from the inside out. And this is because many of you have adopted the belief that men are the leaders of the relationship. And I'm here to say, you're giving the job to the wrong person, you are in charge of your relationship destiny, not a guy. Okay, let's see what other questions we have here. Coco writes question, what's your advice for when a man feels like he's not doing enough, aka with his life and everything. I tell him he's done enough, but he doesn't believe me. Well, first off, it's not your job, I believe to tell if a man is feeling insecure in his life, then the only person that can cure him is himself. I don't think it's your job to tell him that he's enough. Certainly in the context of a relationship, are you feeling, are you feeling loved by each other? Are you feeling nurtured? I think it's important to communicate those feelings with each other. But if he's not feeling enough in his life, you certainly can be a cheerleader. But ultimately, it's incumbent upon him to find the strength within himself. Because if he starts going down the rabbit hole of depression and despair, you know, that's a challenging one. So I would say if he's got struggles in his life, he certainly should start working with a coach, start working with a counselor, start working with a therapist, somebody that would be my recommendation that he finds, we all need a confidant in our lives. We all need someone to be our cheerleader. But our mate shouldn't be our primary, our mate should just be a cheerleader and not necessarily our full confidant, unless the two of you have developed those deep roots of trust. I talk about this in my private coaching, how to build those deep levels of trust with one another. Until that's established, my recommendation, tell them to talk to a therapist or at least go to a coach. I can tell you, I was in deep depression at one point in my life. And if it wasn't for the beautiful coaches in my life, I don't think I'd be here today helping people find who they are. But I had to do it for myself. And that's my invitation for you. Coco, thank you so much. Hey, I want to thank Samantha for the $3 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Connor Asley's scholarship pun. Bond says, yes, this is resonating. I wish all men were like you. Our lives would be so much easier. Our relationship would be so much amazing. Listen, folks, I'm not the only guy out there. I just happen to communicate this on a regular basis. That makes me unique. But there are good men out there. But at the same time, as I said before, ladies, you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Lead by example. Start sharing the work you've done with someone. And if he gravitates towards it, great. Because then you've got something better than to talk about instead of how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day, because many people are doing surface level relationships and not going deeper in what's under the surface. So thank you so much for that question, Bond, or that comment. All right, Susan writes, question. So how do you deal with a man you see obviously detached from you? Call him. Talk about it. I'm in a long distance relationship. Well, listen, long distance relationships are problematic to begin with. One of the reasons being is to develop the deep roots of trust in a relationship. It probably takes spending on average three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. So men don't tend to bond over the telephone too much. Now they can trauma bond over the telephone, but not the deep. Listen, men who are desperate and lonely oftentimes choose long distance communication. They're not even long distance relationship. It's just long distance communication, because you've just replaced whatever therapist that he doesn't have in his life. I'm not saying always the case. And women do this as well. So this isn't one sided to men. So coming back to your question, not because I go off on my tangent, I would call him and talk to him about it. But ultimately, what's the point of being in a long distance relationship if you're not established a plan of taking the long distance to short distance? Many of you know some of you think I'm foolish, but there's my beautiful beloved right there. I hope to have her on these videos sooner rather than later with me. Before we got too deep with each other, we had a very deep conversation of how to take our distance where she lived in Chicago and I lived in Los Angeles, how we took the distance from long to short. That literally happened less than 30 days after we first met each other. That's number one. And then we put that plan in motion and we actually physically moved in with each other in less than five months. Yeah. Now I'm a big believer is you really don't get to know someone until you live with them. And I am very blessed that she puts up with me because I do have sometimes a neurotic side to me. I have an impatient side to me and she saw today this very facet. I am articulate about it. I'm aware of it. We talk about it. But my point is you really don't ever get to know someone until you live with them. And you know, interestingly enough, she shared something out that I don't want to throw under the bus, but she has her own picadillos, if you will. I call them picadillos. If you ever saw the movie Good Will Hunting, one of the lines that Robin Williams says about his wife who passed away is she knew all of his picadillos. The point is we all have idiosyncrasies about us. You really ultimately it's those idiosyncrasies that you actually begin to love because that is the fabric that builds the tapestry of two people to get to know someone. Now some people's idiosyncrasies might trigger someone and that might not be a good fit for them. I'm not talking about toxic things. I'm talking about we all have neurotic little things about us. But ultimately it's going to be hard to get to know a person if you're doing long distance. So my invitation for you is have a conversation and figure out how you're going to take your distance and move close together. That would be my invitation for you. Thank you Susan for your question. Okay. Neverly says thank you for empowering us ladies. It's really encouraging. Oh I'm grateful that you said that. Thank you so much. Gigi says most men are not emotionally available. They're either got divorced recently or broke up with someone just and by the way I can tell you as a man that was out there dating every every time you ladies say the men are the problem. There is men out there saying that you are the problem folks.  It is not singular to a gender. So anyway by the way for those that get upset that I curse on occasion I mean really is it that big of a deal? Okay question. Is it too soon to have sex on the date number six? Thank you for your genuine advice and okay great question. Is it too okay let me go back to this. Is it too soon to have sex on date number six? Thank you for your genuine advice Jonathan. Okay here's my belief on when to have sex. You can have sex on the first date. You can have sex on the 10th date. You can have sex when you get married. When you should have sex is dependent upon you. I follow my acronym called CARES. C-A-R-E-S CARES. The C stands for don't have sex until you feel comfortable comfortable. The A stands for be aware of the consequence.  So be aware of the consequences. R learn his real intention. This is why I teach my coaching practice so you can learn his real intentions. Schedule a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. The E stands for exclusive.  Whether you need to do an STD test, talk about it, wear a condom, be safe with one another. C-A-R-E-S CARES. That's my recommendation for when to have sex. It doesn't matter the when just remember the CARES. Okay Thank you so much for that question Vera. Oh Coco comes back. He says but he's against all that. So what do I do? You know ladies why do you okay? Here's my question for you Coco. Why do you want to be with a man who's against all that? Why do you want to be with him? Oh like but Jonathan he's so great. He's so wonderful. He's got the best cock in town. He makes me orgasm. He makes folks. Why do you want to be with men who don't want the same thing as you? Why? Why do you want that? Why do you keep choosing men that you say are great but they don't want the same things as you? Answer me that question. Thank you Coco. Okay simply sweet simple sweet soul says question. I go to a small church where the pastor is single and we've been seeing each other for several months now. Not dating although he has said he's attracted to me as more as to me as more than a friend. Simple sweet. Are you dating?  If you're just spending time and by the way you didn't even ask a question. What is your question? What is your question? Because I don't see a question there. Okay anyway enough of that. Oh wait now here's something. What advice do you have? Okay there you go. Continue to be friends. Spend a lot of time together or ask him if he sees me in the. Well what do you want? Do you want something more romantic than have that conversation with him? Just have the ladies. Listen I've you know what coming back to the book why men love bitches. I got to tell you one of the things I love about my beloved is she's unafraid to speak her truth to me. I love people that can speak their truth. Now remember in my book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness. Chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.  Just ask what's the wrong what's the worst thing that can happen if you ask and he says no yes you might have lost all this temporary, temporary engagement you have with him but ultimately do you want to be in a relationship where you spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends together teamwork building skills both in your professional and personal life intimacy both physical emotional intimacy that leads to moving in together or getting married.  Okay I went off on a tangent like I typically do. Oh simply well just to keep going we spent a lot of time together working outside church going out to eat motorcycle rides still no kiss or hand holding but very good friends well sounds like you're his friend you like sounds like you're in the friend zone if you want something more kiss him just reach over and kiss him and then see what happens anyways that's my two cents on that one all right let's keep going Susan says thank you for your explanation you're very welcome Susan uh let's see if you have a oh Lily thank you for the $1.99 super sticker I really appreciate that um okay absolve 40 question how would I restart a decade marriage pattern where I'm his mother in white and triggered I want intimacy while he's afraid what types of inner work does a woman do listen check out the book the Hoffman process this is worth this is it's worth listen there's a billion-dollar lottery that comes out tomorrow spend your money spend your $20 purchasing this book because your chances of winning lottery are slim although I hope I do because we bought a ticket purchase this book read this book it will change your life it will change your life and then come back and see then come back and schedule a call with me all right Jennifer hello Jennifer question I met a guy who is positive he loves me wants to marry me I'm terrified it isn't real we haven't met in person do his job is it possible oh my god I'm sorry I gotta throw you under the bus Jennifer what is it about you ladies that fall in love with these fantasy relationships please tell me what is it this is a fantasy relationship if you if I'm any man who says you'll marry you who's never met you is a fucking lunatic okay he's either amped up on luster limerence or he's the tinder swindler okay folks a relationship is built over doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends together traveling teamwork building skills that you any idiot who says he marries you who's never met you I'm sorry he's probably stoned or he's uh delusional and if you're buying into it you're just as equally as delusional I'm sorry I'm really sorry I have to be a dick here and say it this way but when I read things like this and I read this habitually which makes me even more aggregated that this is happening so frequently so here's your question is it possible look at the lottery is possible what's your chances incredibly slim I'm sorry Jennifer but I'd like to give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug because I know you bought into the the fantasy you're in this fantasy thinking and it's gonna backfire on you most likely and I'm sorry about that so I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug simply sweet says thank you you're very welcome I will try to be brave please be brave Shannon says you helped me so much I'm 51 always attract narcissistic men I'm overly empathetic person with borderline love from Virginia well I'm glad I've helped you that's great to hear barley sd says or burly sd says can you do a video about conscious uncoupling where is my book conscious uncoupling folks if you're not burly sd if you're not familiar with the work of Catherine Woodward Thomas the five steps to living happily ever after conscious uncoupling is learning how to break up in a healthy way I want to actually confess something to you I'm on page 202 I believe uh where is it bear with me I thought it was on page 202 oh I'm somewhere in this maybe it's 102 I'm in this book somewhere my my girlfriend and I when I was in a relationship back in 2011 when we consciously uncoupled and made it public our public announcement made it in this book actually it made it into the news that night which was kind of funny but my point is yes folks read this book Catherine Woodward Thomas is an amazing human being she's a dear friend of mine in fact Catherine even wrote the uh the I don't know what that's called not a forward but she wrote a testimonial on my book right there you can see that Catherine Woodward Thomas she also wrote an amazing book called calling in the one so yes I could shoot a video on it but I recommend everybody reading this book so if you find yourself in a relationship that isn't going to go the distance this will better prepare you to end in a loving way so great thanks for bringing that up I really appreciate it all right oh Jennifer says we talk daily on video chat he made plans for us all the way through next year words words words words words words words words if you love me show me and what that means is physically spend time together it's not real until you physically spend time together words words words don't matter until you're actually physically doing stuff together Jennifer all right does everyone by the way folks send Jennifer some love because I feel like she's going to get hurt resolve says thank you so much resonating deeply uh Barley says I want the clip notes you know what the clip notes are read my book speak your truth deal with kindness and remember if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person all right do we have any more questions uh Lily says I don't want to go on videos I don't want to go on dating sites because a few previous bad experiences would you not go to a great restaurant just because you had a bad waiter folks I met my beloved on a dating site some of my dearest friends have met on a dating site my best friend met his girlfriend right now on a dating site had dozens of friends of mine had met on a dating site so you can and by the way or do whatever works for you to meet eligible people whatever works for you do that it just happens to be that over 50 percent of all new relationships are happening through an online connection so um Erica sends Jennifer some love we're all sending you some love do we have any more questions if you have a question write the word question and post the question there after all right by the way folks I hope this is resonating with you because I recognize that look it it's becoming increasingly rare to meet someone that really aligns with your values your lifestyle and whatnot and emotional maturity I get that this is why I'm such a big proponent of individual empowerment for yourself first so you're not reliant upon a man for your happiness at the same time you might reach that tipping point when the who you feel so good about yourself that the right person will lean into your life all right Jennifer L writes um oh by the way before I take this question do you like my new setup please let me know if you like this new setup um I hope you do my sweetheart picked it out did a lot of this and I want to thank her if you can hear me sweetheart for doing all this work for me or doing this for me while I was on vacation I'm truly grateful um okay let's take Jennifer's question question do you think politics really matter when dating I think you've talked about this previously but I'm thinking it's tricky subject to talk about um folks I believe different ideologies matter in other words I highly doubt someone who loves Donald Trump and it would die on the sword for Donald Trump would really get along with someone who loves Bernie Sanders and would die on the sword of Bernie Sanders Hillary Clinton or AOC here in the United States that's because they have different ideologies in life okay I think when you're dealing with extremes it's it's much more challenging now with that said I will say that roughly 60 of the population is moderate when it comes to their politics in fact most people are center leaning one way or the other it probably doesn't matter it's the extremes you have to worry about that would be my recommendation for you to pay attention to those extremes okay Alan said Lena says I miss the view we will do some view videos as well it's just the hard part right now is the lighting is just terrible for that okay Maria says Jennifer I'm afraid Jonathan's right just be careful you don't get your hopes up I thank you for that I appreciate that all right Lily B says question what do you suggest know what do you suggest where to find a date I refuse to go back to online dating sites well let's see where men hang out Home Depot strip clubs the golf courses I'm just being facetious on the strip clubs you're gonna here's the bottom line folks if you're not doing online dating then you have to be in a place where you're seen by single eligible people the highest population of males who are single and eligible are on college campuses that's where the highest percentage of where they're all congregating all at once because the average 20-year-old isn't married the problem with those of us in our baby boom years our midlife is that no men aren't congregating in one place who are single and eligible this is why online dating was invented so you can actually have access to these people so I just have to go where the single eligible men are they just have by the way I used to live in a condo complex with 600 units there might have been for all I know 100 single eligible women in that complex never knew their names didn't know them okay people could be literally around the corner from you you don't know they exist the problem is we don't physically congregate like we did in college in one central location that's why these apps were invented they're a pain in the ass and this is why you need coaching so you can be better at betting so you're not wasting time with the wrong person but otherwise go to Home Depot strip clubs or golf courses that's where most men are congregating doesn't mean that they're healthy men doesn't mean that they're single men it's just a lot of guys hang out there all right uh by the way if you I'm gonna end if you have a personal question to ask me I'm gonna take one personal question write the word personal question and then if you have any question to ask of me I'll take a question before we wrap up for the evening list says I know someone who met her husband at the Home Depot line airports also another place where a lot of people congregate but they usually have to go very quickly so let's see what else we have um let's see sporting events yes that's another place where men congregate okay this will be our last question the evening question I just purchased your book what the heck is self love anyway and can't wait to listen to it I've been trying to walk away from a loveless marriage but the last five years he's been divorced um right he's been in four different accidents and every time he needed my help to get him back on his feet is terrible to leave him while he's recovering is it terrible to leave him while he's recovering in his accident wait a minute wait I've been wait a minute I've been I gotta read this again I just purchased your book I can't wait to I've been trying to walk away from a loveless marriage but the last five years he's been okay you confuse me are you married to someone is he in a loveless marriage I'm confused on that one all right that one I don't get all right here's a personal question question are you more talkative or is your girlfriend more talkative because I know Gemini's usually are very talkative people who do still do still have her do you still have her feet she just said you're talking about me well she did imply today that she does have diary of the mouth um she's gonna kill me for saying that um so she happens to be she happens to be a storyteller so she tells she talks in stories I happen to be more the emotional communicator in the relationship but I I actually love her stories she just tells she she you know what I love being with somebody who just loves being with me I really do I just love being with someone who loves being with me and and she probably is more of the talkative one at the same time um I never get tired I really don't she's just this beautiful human being when you find someone who touches you right here in your soul you know it's not about how much they talk it's about connecting when you talk and I'm so grateful that we have a lot of connection time and we also find the most we find we find the mundane the so we we love the mundane we really do we are content in the mundane so anyway she's going to kill me later so um I'm hoping I'm gonna be off of her from that one anyways we'll take another personal question here in which ways does your girlfriend nurture her inner world wait um you know I'm grateful that she's done a lot of personal development work she's done something called um oh my god it just escapes me what she did life spring along with uh she did this divorce recovery program called the naked divorce everyone I highly google the following the naked divorce someone write that in the chat box for me the naked divorce I highly recommend doing some level of personal development work like that to better prepare you to be in a relationship so someone please write that in the chat box the naked divorce all right let's see what we've got some more questions here um let's see you guys are cute right I'm gonna write the naked divorce the naked divorce right here okay oh someone else did all right folks you know what this will be a great place to wrap up today I am so grateful for all of you that that follow my work who told me that it's made a difference in their lives I am so beyond grateful for all of that I hope I have made a difference in your life if I have please hit that like button please share this video if you're brand new my channel please subscribe to my channel um and if you'd like some help in your life check out the description below for the schedule of discovery call with me to get a copy of my book to follow me on Instagram or join my membership group that's all in the description below well I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video I hope you found out and if you did I'm going to send you off with a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm actually to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we can all use more love in our lives I want to thank Elena who says I hope you and your beloved have a wonderful evening thank you Viola Violetta thank you Rachel thank you Burley thank you um absolve 40 neverly Kim everyone Mary Ann uh I can't even pronounce your name Liz Cacisi everyone thank you so much wishing you a super duper wonderful evening thanks so much bye bye now


Good afternoon, everyone. Welcome to the mindfulness session for the M.H.P.N. All Together Better Conference. I hope you've been enjoying the conference so far. My name is Kim Siao, for those of you who have not attended the previous mindfulness sessions before. I just want to first give you a little heads up that if by any chance my internet fails me, which can happen sometimes do bear with me. But I don't think it will happen, fingers crossed. I think it should just go smoothly and hopefully you'll have a pleasant mindful experience today with me. I do want to first acknowledge that I'm delivering this session from the land of the Ghana people in Adelaide and that I recognise the importance of their connection to land, water, culture and community and that I respect the elders' past, present and emerging. Now I also for those who haven't attended the meditation or mindfulness session in the conference before just to give you a picture of what the format is like for this session. I will talk for about 10 minutes about what mindfulness is. Most of you would be very aware of what it is already and may have also got a regular practice but I still think it's worthwhile to just get us all on the same page. I would also then go into busting some myths about mindfulness especially for those of you who don't think you can do it, that you do it well etc. And then I also want to share some benefits in terms of the research to date about mindfulness. And then after that I will take you through mindfulness practice. Now I want to make sure that everyone here stays safe so if at any point in time you do feel any strong emotions coming up for you during the guided mindfulness practice just resource yourself so what that means is if you have your eyes closed, open them, look around you, listen up for sounds, get in touch with your senses and if you need to take a break, stand up, walk around, go and get yourself a glass of water. So the main thing is that you want to feel that you are okay and safe. So I wouldn't like to think that the guided meditation I'm planning to guide you through would give rise to any difficult emotions because ideally I've planned it so that you'll leave here feeling more centered, more spacious and possibly even more uplifted. Okay so what is mindfulness? I am reusing Joink about Zin's definition which is that it is awareness cultivated by paying attention in a sustained and particular way on purpose and in the present moment and non-judgmental. So really in simple terms paying attention to what's right here right now not judging whether it's good or bad. Sounds pretty simple right? But the reality is that it's actually quite difficult to practice because our mind has been conditioned from the day we're born to think and we then have this tendency or at least our mind has this tendency to either be thinking about the past, the stories that's happened and the I'm so sorry, that's my dog. Okay so yeah our mind has this tendency to go into the past or worrying about the future but so what we need is really to give it an anchor to stay present. How do we do that? Well we can use the breath as an anchor because it's readily available it's accessible for us here and we can also use our five senses our sight, sound, hearing, smell, taste, touch. When you think about that though then it means that really anything we do during our day can be a mindfulness practice. When you're drinking your cup of tea you could sense the heat of the warmth of the tea you know on your in your cup you can look at it you can then smell whether it's tea or coffee letting the taste be in your mouth and then letting the tea or coffee go down your body and feeling the warmth and when you're sharing sensing the water on your back and when you're walking really noticing how your legs move really noticing how you feel in your body and of course there's other parts of our body that we can use to anchor us right the beating of our heart and we can also do mindful movement whether it's yoga, tai chi, even when you go to the gym and the key thing I think here one of the the myths is that people think that when they try and be mindful the mind wanders and therefore they fail but the reality is that when our mind wanders that's actually very normal. I trained to become a meditation teacher with one of the world's most renowned meditation teacher Jack Confield and he still talks about the fact that his mind wanders during meditation and really the other thing to remember is that doing practicing mindfulness is not about getting rid of thoughts or emotions and it's not really about relaxing yes eventually when we become calmer and more relaxed that is the fruit of the labor but it's not really something that we can force to happen. So using John Kabat-Zinn's words what he said is that we need to embrace these seven attitudes when we practice mindfulness and that is that we put on that beginner's mind so we become curious if we are using our breath as our anchor we can become curious of our breath because each breath is a new breath each breath is the fresh breath so how can we take on that curious stance and you know explore our breath we also when we're practicing mindfulness we want to be non-judgmental so whatever that arises for us we just allow it to happen we accept it we let it be and we be patient with ourselves we're not striving as I say we're not trying to get anywhere we're just here in this present moment being really intimate with what's happening right here right now so the evidence of the benefits I was really surprised to discover the other day that there are now 17,000 publications showing the positive effects of mindfulness it ranges from improving our general well-being to making us feel younger again and you know and lowering depression anxiety helps us deal with our pain makes us less stressed and generally I think it's because we have better self-regulation because what we're learning is skill really that helps us to ground and center ourselves and when we're able to do that we are activating our parasympathetic nervous system we're coming down the part of our mind that is you know going to fight flight or freeze when there are uncertainties or threats the amygdala and this once the amygdala gets to calm down it activates our prefrontal cortex it means that that part of our brain that is important for executive functioning making decisions having relationships regulating our emotions are able to then start working in terms of being someone in the mental health profession you might be delighted to know that it actually helps when we regularly practice mindfulness it helps us with our therapeutic presence we are better at attuning to what's going on inside while we're listening to our clients challenges we gain them better perspective of suffering of our clients which then helps us cultivate our compassion and empathy for our clients and of course all that goes to strengthening our therapeutic alliance with our clients and it's really interesting for me to know that there are actually research out there now that shows that mental health professionals who are meditators are getting better results better improvements of their patients showing symptoms reduction and rate of change so I also want to talk a little bit about what's the difference between meditation and mindfulness so meditation really is just a formal form of mindfulness so a formal form of training the mind to to increase our awareness but also improve our concentration so both work side by side right and there are many many different forms of meditation mindfulness meditation which is something we will do in a minute and also actually guide you through a loving kindness and meditation but you can also practice mantra visualization as a form of meditation ultimately the aim of meditation or mindfulness is really to free us because it allows us to see our condition mind allows us to see our patterns of thinking our patterns of behavior you know we gain insights into those because and once once we get insights into those it means that we can change if we don't like it right and ultimately to it really helps us to cultivate acceptance and openness to to uncertainties to things that constantly change and and improves our self-awareness and what this really means is that it actually increases our window of tolerance there is a meditation teacher who actually said this he said well when we put a table of spoon a tablespoon of salt into a cup of water that water is undrinkable because it's so salty but if we put a tablespoon of salt into a pond we can certainly drink it we might taste a little bit of that salt still but we can drink it and this is what mindfulness and meditation does for us it expands our mind so that we can hold more we are more tolerant of challenges uncertainties because we've got that spacious awareness to hold it or we've got that emotional regulation to be able to do it I like what my teacher said he says we all have within us unlimited capacities for extraordinary love for joy for communion with life and for unshakable freedom and the unshakable freedom to me is this capacity to stay equanimous if you were in the session this morning I talked a little bit about that meaning to be balanced and peaceful in the midst of difficulties because we can self-regulate we have we have many choices in terms of how we want to respond to situation challenging situations rather than just being reactive okay so today this afternoon I want to take you through a loving kindness meditation and the reason I decided on that is because today's topic has been you know rather heavy you've been talking about family violence and and social isolation and loneliness and I sense that there will be people in your life that you want to wish for them to be well for them to be happy especially maybe clients you work with so I thought loving kindness meditation is is is fitting if you find that it's rather mechanical that's okay just go through the motion think about this as this opportunity to sit and be present and I also would like you to you know consider shifting your perspective about loving kindness meditation and something that is you know all we're really doing is instead of writing a card to our self or to someone else to wish them well we're just saying it quietly and feeling it in our being our heart and there are actually lots of scientific evidence to that shows that it's really effective for helping with anxiety social connections etc so I invite you now to take a moment to sit back in a way that you're comfortable and then if you're comfortable close your eyes if you're not then bring your gaze down towards the floor and then just take some really slow and long deep breath and then making the exhale even longer and with each exhale imagine or feel that whatever tension you're feeling in your body is being relaxed released down to the ground washed away by the exhale and you might want to also just check in with your body so perhaps start by noticing if you're frowning maybe a little smell when your face will iron out the frowning relax your jaw placing your tongue the top of your mouth slight tuck of the chin helps to release any tension in the neck rolling your shoulders back relaxes your shoulders allow your arms to be loose by your sides also noticing how your knees are placed maybe sensing the ground supporting you and also invite you to quietly set an intention that for the next 15 minutes you are giving yourself permission to just be here as a form of self-care that you're putting aside all your concerns your worries your responsibilities just just breathe naturally but use your breath as an anchor so with your beginner's mind what are you noticing about your breath this one and then the next and then the next maybe you're noticing that the in breath is slightly cooler than the out breath notice the breath at the back of your throat all the rice and fall of your belly now a sense of calm and ease to grow mind wandering is of course very natural as soon as you become aware that your mind had wondered off that moment of awareness is mindfulness and so with loving kindness you guide your attention back to whatever anchor you're using whether it's the breath whether it sounds around you maybe sensations in your body I invite you now to bring awareness to your heart space and breathe into that space allowing the heart space to be relaxed and open now I invite you to bring to mind someone who is easy to love easy to be friendly with might be your best friend your partner maybe your cat or your dog and as I say these words feel them in your heart as you giving that wish of these phrases to them may you be filled with loving kindness may you be safe from inner and outer dangers may you be well in body and mind may you be content happy and at ease may you be filled with loving kindness may you be safe from inner and outer dangers may you be well in body and mind may you be content happy and at ease now I invite you to bring to mind yourself might be your younger self or yourself sitting here and I'm going to say these phrases again but this time using I and really all you are doing is wishing yourself well so do your best to feel it for yourself or you could imagine your best friend or the person of being that you have been just saying the well wishes for saying these phrases back to you may I be filled with loving kindness may I be safe from inner and outer dangers may I be well in body and mind may I be content happy and at ease be filled with loving kindness may I be safe from inner and outer dangers may I be well in body and mind may I be content happy and at ease now I invite you to bring to mind people in your community and it could be the community here the mhpn community who are all here doing this meditation and as I say these wishes know that you are getting this wishes back for yourself so visualizing this very large supportive community in your mind we wish each other may you be filled with loving kindness may you be safe from inner and outer dangers may you be well in body and mind may you be content happy and at ease be filled with loving kindness may you be safe from inner and outer dangers may you be well in body and mind may you be at ease content and happy we now sit in silence for a couple of minutes as you bathe yourself in these loving wishes and this positivity in stillness calm and peace I invite you to acknowledge the sense of spaciousness calmness perhaps ease and contentment that you're feeling right now as I close the meditation with the sound of three bells thank you everybody I hope that was a pleasant experience for you and I just want to say one thing or two things one thing is that it is my hope that we will all one day treat mindfulness practices as brushing like like we treat brushing our teeth we don't think twice about brushing our teeth we don't arm and arm and consider whether we have time or not whether we feel like it or not we just do it because it's just part and parcel of what we do every day I hope after hearing about the benefits of mindfulness you will treat mindfulness the same way and you can start by just doing a couple of minutes a day allowing yourself to sit and be with your breath to sit in silence and I think this poem that you see on screen is really something that is worth kind of remembering little by little I'll learn to know the trash it wisdom of long ago and one of these days perhaps we'll see that the world will be the better for me and do you not think that this simple plan made him or her a wise and useful man or lady and the only other thing I wanted to offer is that I do offer free online meditation on Wednesday as a midweek research if you want very happy to share the zoom link with you and you can also visit my website and cheetah live.com for other talks and and blogs I hope you have a lovely evening and I hope you enjoy the rest of the conference thank you very much everyone