The narcissist knows something you think they don't know if you have watched my videos There is something that you now know Something that you may think the narcissist does not know But the truth is that the narcissist is actually fully aware of this The narcissist already knows that they are no good They already know that they are damaged They already know that they are past their prime They are already fully aware of this and there is no debate in their minds about this They will only have this debate with you Even though deep down they already know the truth The narcissist only wants the best of the best They tend to target people who are in their prime People who are experiencing the best years of their life People who are at the peak of their powers People who are in their prime People who are at a time in their lives when they are at their best When they are most successful But they target those people while being fully aware that they are not at the same level The narcissist already knows that they are damaged They already know that they are past their prime When the narcissist targeted you they thought you were stupid They thought you were naive It's like you unknowingly had the winning lottery ticket and they just exploited your lack of experience and knowledge Because you were conditioned your entire lives and not realize what you have You were taught to think less of yourself and to expect less from other people The sad truth is that if you had realized your worth You never would have ended up with a narcissist Narcissist target people who doubt their worth You may have been at your best when they targeted you But maybe you weren't fully aware of it You didn't realize the value of what you had Which is why it was so easy for you to give it away to someone who didn't even deserve it Someone who didn't even respect it and the narcissist knew that they didn't deserve it They knew that they were not top quality They knew that they were not first class They knew that they were not experiencing a time of great physical strength or good health They knew that they didn't possess the effort, energy and enthusiasm To sustain anything meaningful with you They knew that they were not experiencing the prime of their lives Which is why they targeted you Because you had everything that they were deficient in Which was great for them But it was very unfair for you Because it wasn't an equal exchange You brought so much more to the table than they did You brought your youthful energy and enthusiasm You brought many qualities and abilities that are associated with someone who is at their prime in their lives And although the narcissist didn't have the same level of energy or enthusiasm to bring to you They saw an easy opportunity They saw someone who was naive Someone who didn't recognize the value of what they have And they swooped in and took it from them They took it from you The narcissist knows something you think they don't know They know that they need you more than you need them They know that they are not useful, advantageous or beneficial to you They know that they lack the required qualities and abilities That you might require or expect from them They know that they are not appropriate to the particular purpose that you are following or engaged in They know that they are not well fitted or suited But they really don't care It was never about you It was never about supporting you with your goals or purpose It was all about them They saw a shiny new toy and they wanted it for themselves It's like someone who sees a high-end car It looks great It has exceptional abilities It is capable of things That most cars are not capable of It's made for performance But to possess something of such value and importance You need to know how to take care of it You need to possess the required qualities and abilities To own a car like that You can't just take it off the lot because you like it There's plenty of people who would love to have a car like that But most people know their place They know that a car like that needs a lot of time and attention It needs to be maintained Because it is a high performance car Anything that performs to a high level Also needs a lot of downtime It needs time to unwind But a person who doesn't understand the concept of how you should treat a luxury car Is just going to run it into the ground Because it's likely that they need the car more than it needs them And it's the same thing with these narcissists They need you more than you need them Which is why when they come around you Everything just gets drained out of you Your time, energy and money Just flies out the window Because you're not dealing with someone who is at an equal level or standard Your dealing with someone who is no good for you Someone who is damaged Someone who has passed their prime And while this would normally affect them They find a host And they parasitically feed off this host To revive their youth To defy the laws of nature While you get taken down You become this person who is supposed to be in their prime This person who is meant to be at the top of their game But instead you feel like it's all over for you Because now you're taking the fall for them You're carrying their burden While they get to move along scot free They move along unscathed and unhurt Completely free from obligation or harm While you have to suffer the consequences You'll have to pick up the pieces You have to restore your life and situation To a more normal state after the shock and disaster And the narcissist was fully aware of this when they targeted you They already knew that they were going to be no good for you They knew that they had nothing to offer you They knew that there were other people who were more deserving of what you had to offer Other people who are also on top of their game Other people who are also in their prime And that is why narcissists will often resort to desperate measures They will go all out to get your attention So that rather than you being naturally selected Or naturally selecting someone who is humble and modest Yet possesses the required qualities and abilities You are selected by someone who may be arrogant and audacious Which you may initially mistake for confidence or someone of a high standard When it's actually just someone who is exaggerating their own abilities and importance They display this attitude of superiority Manifested in an overbearing manner when presumptuous claims or assumptions They make claims and pretensions to superior importance or rights With that arrogance comes a strong scientific argument They believe that they are inherently deserving of privileges and special treatment But they don't possess anything that even deserves that level of treatment They just act arrogant and entitled They can be boldly rude and disrespectful They will expect the world from you or having nothing to give to you There's no equal exchange And they were fully aware of this before they even got involved with you Which is why they have to big themselves up They dominate every conversation with talk of themselves They try to make themselves seem more important than what they actually are Because they're actually very insecure By default they have to feel insecure when they come around you Because they already know they're no good for you They're just there to take something from you They will act like they've got so much going on in their lives They will act like they're always in a rush They will try to make you wait They will exaggerate their lives on social media They will behave like they are the smartest person in the room As though they know everything Because they're very insecure They feel threatened by you So they have to dazzle you with their knowledge They have to act like they know more than you They have to act like they have superior abilities They cannot give you the respect and admiration that you deserve They cannot be well behaved or well managed around you They cannot show kindness to you Because they're very insecure They feel threatened by you They feel like you're greater than them But they don't want you to know that Their whole game is to make you doubt yourself To make you think you're less than what you actually are While keeping you as their source of supply While extracting all of these great things out of you But there lies the greatest contradiction of all Because if you were so bad Why would they even be around you? Why did they target you in the first place? They targeted you Because they saw a person who was in their prime Someone who had everything And didn't even know it Someone who had a great future ahead of them While they were broken and damaged They had nothing to look forward to But they cannot give you the respect and admiration that you deserve Because then you would quickly realize that they have nothing to bring to the table anyway They have nothing for you They're not benefiting you in any way They're not improving your life When in a relationship You're supposed to compliment each other You're supposed to build each other up When the longer that you spend with the narcissist The more your life deteriorates But even when the damage begins to reveal itself They're not going to take any responsibility for it They're not even going to try to fix it Instead they will play the victim They will act like you've ruined their lives When they had already lost it all And they knew before they even got involved with you That they were going to be no good for you They knew that they were damaged They knew that they were past their prime They got involved with you to take from you And to blame their inabilities on you So that they could then compensate from you They were just looking for a meal ticket They were looking for someone They could exploit as a regular source of income They were looking for someone To provide them with money or with a lifestyle That they would otherwise not have While knowing that they were not deserving of it While knowing that there would be other people Who are more deserving People who would be able to support you And give you the life that you need But instead, they were only thinking about themselves Narcissists are self-absorbed and they lack empathy They only consider their own feelings and needs They don't think about the damaging effects that their behaviour has had on you They see it as though If they can position themselves to where they need to be It's rightfully earned They don't see it as though they've just manipulated and exploited you They see it as though if they didn't do that Then they would have been stuck Or someone else would have just come along And taken advantage of that opportunity And when they get with you They play dumb They act like they were trying to provide you with help or support They portray the situation as though you were not good at something And you needed them But then you certainly turned against them Or you didn't like them for some reason They portray the event of you realising that you've just been manipulated and exploited As though you are the one who is doing something to them They twist everything around They turn the tables on you But trust and believe They do know this They are fully aware of it They know that they are not deserving of what you have But they make you doubt yourself They keep you thinking that you're not doing enough It keeps you looking at yourself Instead of realising that they're not giving anything to you You are at a huge disadvantage by being with them It's not helping you in any way The narcissist may try to get you to doubt yourself But you need to make a list of everything you've done for them Everything you've given to them And then make a list Of what they've done to you If you are dealing with a narcissist You will find that you're carrying them You're keeping it together You're holding on because you think that one day it will benefit you When really it's destroying you Because you're carrying the load for them You're taking care of them But no one is taking care of you So you will notice that gradually Your health and money begins to deteriorate Until there's nothing left It's like a leech They feed off hard-working people They habitually exploit and rely on you Without doing anything to deserve it They come in to take over you To claim you as their possession So that they can milk all of the benefits They're not coming in to help or assist you Which is why you will find that they always ask for more and more Until you learn that you cannot say no to them While giving less and less to you Until you learn to expect nothing from them You are paying the price for someone else's mistakes You have become their slave It's like you are their legal property And you are forced to obey them You work excessively hard without payment or appreciation Because you are covering for the deficiencies And shortfalls of another person And this is what happens when you are involved with someone Who is damaged or passed their prime They are going to be no good for you They're going to be heavily focused on their own feelings and needs Their own ideas and perspectives And they're not going to be able to take any input from you The only thing they're going to take is your resources Because that's the only reason why they got involved with you While being fully aware that they were not deserving of it While being fully aware that they were not appropriately Appropriately suited to your particular purpose But they don't see that as manipulation or exploitation They see it as though they are positioning themselves And if you were to confront them on this They would never tell you the truth Because that's not going to benefit them in any way They will just play down your abilities and accomplishments They will say that there's so many better people out there So why would they choose you? They will imply that you were in a difficult situation Even though you might have been doing okay They will act like they came around to help and support you Even though they may be a liability to you The cost is greater than it's worth They're putting you at a disadvantage But they're never going to entertain anything that might be against them Or anything that suggests that they were manipulative or exploitative Because they know it's wrong And they don't want to be associated with anything bad They would rather put the responsibility on to you They're not going to hold themselves accountable for anything But regardless of what they try to make you believe The truth is they do know something you think they don't know And they knew this before they even met you They know that they are damaged They know that they are past their prime They know that they're no good for you But instead of attributing this to a past situation They will play the victim and act as though you did something to them You put them in an unfavorable situation When really you've just figured out the game When you finally figure out what the narcissist is doing to you That is when they switch it up on you They turn the tables on you They act like you manipulated them You ruin their lives Because deep down they know that is exactly what they did to you And because there's no accountability They just repeat the same thing again and again They've done this to many people before you And they will do this again to people after you're gone The game never stops Because they're at a disadvantage They're deficient in something And they're looking for people to make up for where they lack And the only way they can even get around those types of people Is by exaggerating their own abilities and importance Acting like they're so much greater than what they actually are Which is manipulation and exploitation They're making you believe they have something to offer you When they don't They play upon your lack of experience, knowledge and judgement They play upon your naivety Because you've probably never seen anything like this You never knew that people like this even existed While they've done this many times before They already know what you're thinking They already know how you're going to react Because they've played this game countless times But yes They do know they're damaged They do know they're past their prime They know that they have nothing to bring to the table They know that they're no good for you They know that they're not appropriately suited to your particular purpose Which is why when they come around you They always try to rearrange everything to suit their liking You will feel like they are exact opposite Because they know that they're not good for you They are exact opposite Because they lied to you in the beginning You were led to believe something that wasn't true And because they already know that this is what they're doing They will already know to accuse you of doing that Because they're already anticipating the event Where you will figure everything out It's all a game to the narcissist And they play for keeps Thank you for watching If this video resonated with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe If you'd like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coaching inquiries You can email me at coaching.narchsurvivor.uk Thank you for watching And I'll talk to you soon


This might be referred to as post-colonial literature and sort of after-contact. So if I'm coming into this with my teacher lens and I want to use this for my classroom, this book called This Land is My Land is written by George Littlechild. And he navigates poetry, short story, you know, after-contact and I'll give you an example here. You know, he's showing kind of like the everyday relationship, you know, what has happened. Mountie and Indian chief. So this is, you know, a contact, right? Relationship and how students can unpack this. You know, understanding statements like, this land is my land. You know, when we think about that song, what do we think about? When we experience it through the lens of an Indigenous person, think about it that way. When we think about it through the lens of a Euro settler, think about it through that lens. When we think about it through the lens of a new Canadian to Canada, think about it through that lens. So really, teacher practitioners could really dive into how could students rediscover or rewrite these stories. Another great example is what Columbus first saw. You know, so having students navigate the truth about Columbus and Columbus was lost and he landed in the wrong country and he named people an incorrect name and we know they were trying to discover India but they landed in North America and hence we were referred to as Indians and we know that it's called Indianos. So there's so much restoring that could be delved into through post-colonial literature and this is just simply one example. Another one is called Encounter by Jane Yolen and it's a beautiful story just riveting and how it disrupts our colonial narrative and understanding, you know, who is Columbus and what happened in the beginning and how was he welcomed and why do we call it Thanksgiving? You know, with whom is it Thanksgiving for? And so really when children can navigate those stories together and understand the great loss but at the same time to the great gains in our relationship but when we're able to tell truthful stories, when we're able to look at history when we're able to disrupt our colonial narrative when we're able to disrupt our understanding, tell truths, inform it, re-story it when we know the truth we can tell a better story and when we know better we can do better.


Legendary boxing trainer, Kostya Mato, who coached both Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson, famously said that no boxer can be knocked down by a punch he sees coming. Think about that. No matter how powerfully he is struck, his body will be able to absorb it as long as he is not surprised by it.  If you look at the most famous knockouts of all time, you'll notice the knockout punches were rarely the ones that looked the hardest, but rather they were the most unexpected. This concept applies far beyond boxing. You can't get knocked down by anything you see coming. Know what's coming. Expect what's coming. Arm yourself and design your environment for what's coming. On a similar note, a reporter once asked Muhammad Ali how many sit-ups he typically does in a workout. Ali's answer? Fifty. The reporter was taken aback, surprised that it wasn't much more. A champion heavyweight boxer surely can do more than fifty, right? Ali explained it was fifty because he only started counting after they started hurting. The ones before the pain didn't even register to him. Muhammad Ali understood the power of stress, and Ali was right. The reps you do after the burning starts are the only ones that matter.


Non-violent communication, verbal communication is often an inefficient tool. It's all too easily misinterpreted and that leads to undesired consequences and often adversarial relationships. Because there's a high degree of collaboration required in agile development, then we need much more communication than traditionally so as well. Not everyone finds effective communication comes easily, especially when they're in stressful situations. So sometimes having a structure to our communication can be helpful in getting a more constructive outcome. Non-violent communication is one such technique and it's based on separating out the various elements of communication, differentiating between objective data and subjective interpretation, as well as feelings and thoughts. NVC asks the communicator to take explicit responsibility for their choices and how they contribute to the communication. Effective non-violent communication almost always leads to more destructive disagreements and more authentic and fulfilling conversations, as well as greater empathy and awareness of others, which is a good thing. The basics of NVC are to state what you've observed, acknowledge how that makes you feel, explain why it makes you feel that way and what you would like somebody else to do. For example, my children regularly leave their bedroom lights on when they go to school. Now rather than shout at them or dock their pocket money, I might choose to adopt a non-violent communication stance. Something along the lines of, I see that you left your light on this morning when you went to school. This makes me feel frustrated because I don't like wasting electricity or money. Are you willing to try and switch your lights off in the morning? Of course, it might not work and it gives my children the option of declining my request. By separating the action of my feelings though, I am taking ownership. It's not them that's making me feel frustrated, but rather my need to reduce waste. While they may not have the same need that I do, hopefully they'll be able to acknowledge that I'm entitled to that view. Practicing this type of communication can feel strange to begin with and very forced, but over time it becomes a little bit more normal and it's a very respectful way to begin sharing our feelings with our teammates. If you want to learn more about non-violent communication and get professional guidance and support while practicing this communication tool, you can check out cmvc.org.