You ever had one of those days where a guy just shows up out of the blue claiming to be your long-lost father? Yeah me neither But that's exactly what happened to Caleb in this epic story We're taking you along for the ride as his life gets turned upside down So grab your popcorn and get ready because this story is a wild one Ask the like button to borrow their Tesla for a test run But before you give it back turn their language settings to Chinese I apologize if this is hard to understand, but my thoughts are racing at the moment My dad passed away when I was eight years old or at least that's who I thought my dad was My mom dated other men, but she never remarried or had a serious live-in boyfriend So I've been without a dad since I was eight Earlier today a man came into my workplace. I work at a movie theater Specifically in the concession stand this man kept letting people go ahead of him in line until I finished helping the customer I was with at first. I didn't think much of it But he seemed nervous while trying to chat with me. He asked for my recommendations on food and what movies I enjoyed He appeared friendly but shy and I was just being polite and making conversation as we're supposed to do with customers After he paid and left I didn't see him when his movie ended because it was busy or maybe he didn't even watch a movie I don't know when I got off work and came home I found that same man in my living room talking to my mom It creeped me out a bit and my mom panicked when I asked who he was She insisted he was nobody and that he was leaving However, the man refused to leave until we talked saying that my mom needed to tell me the truth as you can guess from the title He claimed to be my dad. I felt a twist in my stomach upon hearing this My mom started rambling saying that the dad who had died was my real dad and how much he loved and cared for me She insisted that this new information wouldn't change anything Last year something happened that made me question my mom about my dad and my medical history She claimed not to know anything, but today I yelled at her saying she could have told me then that he wasn't my biological father But she didn't I asked if this man was telling the truth and she started crying and nodded. I Guess I didn't notice it at the theater because it was never something I would even think of but looking at him It's clear. We're related. He looks so much like me or more accurately I look like him. He tried to talk to me and swore He never knew I existed or else he would have been in my life. My mom didn't deny any of this I asked her if this man was dangerous or an abusive ex or something. He was offended and she assured me It wasn't that at all She wanted to sit down and talk, but I felt nauseous and overwhelmed So I grabbed my keys and told my mom I would be staying at my best friend Josh's house for the night I came here and Josh was sympathetic, letting me vent But he fell asleep and now I'm just here awake with my mind racing and unable to shut off I feel so betrayed by my mom. How could she not tell me the truth? I understand why she might have kept it for me when I was little But I'm old enough now to know where I come from It feels so unfair that she denied me a father for half my life I loved my dad who passed away and I still miss him, but I've wanted a father for so long There's so much I've gone through where I feel like having a dad would have made things better and easier I love my mom and she's been incredible in raising me, but it's not the same as having a dad Especially when this man is my actual dad and it seems like he would have been there if he knew I don't know what to say to him or my mom. I know I have to go home eventually But I just don't know what I'm supposed to say or do He probably thinks I'm a crybaby because I cried and stormed out.  Is it possible your mom was cheating on the side with your bio dad, got pregnant, and pretended you were the original dad's child? But you said you asked if he was dangerous or mistreated her and she said no, so I don't know what else could be a good reason to not tell you about him or him about you Kudos on that, by the way, most kids your age wouldn't have the foresight to guess it might have been a toxic relationship I think the only thing that will really help you is having an honest conversation with her Take tonight to be sad and angry And tomorrow, go back home and hear what she has to say The truth is that no one can give you the answers you seek, but her If I were you, I'd ask her for her side of the story and then reach out to your father She should have his info or at least his name for you to search for him and see what his side is They might each embellish or keep out some of the details But there should be some overlap there for you to find out the basic story My mom has never been the type of person to be manipulative or secretive And I've read enough stories to know that some people have really terrible, abusive parents So my first thought was that maybe he's a bad guy I never would have left her alone with him, which is why I asked her I know I have to talk to her I want to believe that she must have had a good reason I just don't know what that reason could be And I'm even more scared to talk to him What do I even say to him? Do I apologize for being rude and leaving when he tried to talk to me? I have so many questions for both of them I woke up the next morning and saw a bunch of new comments Though I didn't reply, I did read all of them, good and bad I appreciate all the advice given and kind words spoken But, as many people suggested, the only thing I could really do was talk to both of them to figure out what the real story was So, I went home and talked to my mom I was much calmer with a clearer head and was ready to hear what she had to say I probably learned more than anyone should ever have to about their own conception Turns out, my father really isn't an abusive ex My mom didn't cheat on my adoptive dad or do anything shady like that I'm just the product of a one-night stand My mom said she went out drinking by herself at a bar and met my dad, who was celebrating his 25th birthday alone She said she had just been dumped by her fiancée, not my adoptive dad, a different man, a week before that because she had learned from her doctor that it was virtually impossible for her to have children naturally She said she and my dad used a condom, and yet somehow, she still got pregnant with me, and I'm her miracle baby considering the circumstances She went back to the hotel he took her to after she found out she was pregnant, but they couldn't find any info on my dad ever staying there He didn't give her his actual first name She said this was before social media was a thing, so she couldn't just search for him online like we can do nowadays So she decided she would just raise me on her own She also admitted she panicked when my bio dad showed up because, to her, he was literally just a guy she knew for one night 17 years ago She didn't really know who he was now or if he was going to try to get custody of me or if I was going to want to run away with him or something She admits she could have been calmer from the beginning, and maybe we could have all talked and sorted it out that night, but I don't blame her for it As for my adoptive dad, the man who, raised me, she said she didn't meet him until I was almost two They got married when I was three. He officially adopted me after they got married She showed me the adoption certificate Reflecting on it now. I realize I've never seen pictures of him and me when I was a baby Just pictures of me as a toddler and up. She said he accepted me as his own and loved me and being a father to me I told her my bio dad showing up doesn't rewrite history I'll never not see my adoptive dad as my father If anything, it makes me love him even more knowing that he treated and loved me as his own flesh and blood I also ended up talking to my bio dad. He left his number, which my mom gave to me We met up for lunch. He confirmed my mom's whole story I gave him a hard time about using a fake name. It wasn't so cut and dry He said he goes by his middle name, which is what he told her that night He showed me his business card, which does have the name he told my mom that night And I've since looked him up using the name he gave my mom Which nowadays he's very easy to find with it and his entire online presence uses his middle name He has comments on his facebook from friends and family calling him that name going back years Apparently he only goes by his actual first name for legal and business reasons Like checking into a hotel That night he was feeling down because his best friend who shared the same birthday with him Didn't live to celebrate their 25th birthday together That's why he drove to our town to get away from everyone and everything back home for a night He apologized countless times and said he would have been in my life if he had known Especially because I inherited a medical condition from him He was diagnosed with it when he was 19, so he knew what I went through I could tell he genuinely felt terrible about it I asked him how he even found out about me Apparently he has a son who is only five months younger than me His ex-wife, the mother of his son and a teacher, saw a picture on my school's website of the academic team I'm on She sent it to my dad, thinking I might be related to him because we look so alike At first, they thought I could be his nephew, but after finding my public instagram and seeing a picture of me with my mom He instantly recognized her and knew I was his child He and his ex-wife didn't meet until a couple of months after the night with my mom So there was no cheating involved He visited my mom earlier on the day he came to see me at work and confirmed that I was his child He still wanted to see me in person, though He said we need to do a DNA test to establish paternity and add me to his insurance However, it's pretty obvious he's my dad, considering our similar appearances, my birth date, and the fact that we share the same rare medical condition Even the waitress casually mentioned that we look like father and son He asked if we could start having visits to get to know each other, and of course, I agreed I want to know him Even though I still feel some anger toward him and I don't really even know why exactly I want to have him in my life My mom recently told me that I can't visit my biological dad Who lives an hour away for Christmas or at any time until she feels comfortable with me leaving However, she said that he could come visit us on Christmas night and we'd see how things go from there After lunch, I took out my debit card to pay for my half of the meal As a teenager, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for a first lunch with a biological parent However, my dad laughed and told me that I was his son, and I never had to pay for anything when I was with him His words made me feel good, and he even joked about owing my mom 17 years of child support, which lightened the mood As we walked to my car, my dad hugged me, which made me cry I know it was a bit cringy, and I felt embarrassed crying in the middle of a diner parking lot But I felt an instant connection to him when he hugged me, even though he's still a stranger to me He comforted me with his words and allowed me to cry for a few minutes It's still early, but I can already tell that my dad is a good man, regardless of who he was when he met my mom or what happened that night He sought me out after learning about me, and he didn't give up, even after multiple setbacks It shows that he really wants to have a relationship with me Now, my problem is finding a last-minute Christmas gift for him He's a lawyer, and from what I could gather from googling him in his address, he's rich and probably has everything he wants already If anyone has any ideas for what a man in his early 40s would want or be able to make use of as a Christmas gift, I'd appreciate some suggestions Pictures of you from your childhood Make copies and create your own photo album You can also include a short bio of your childhood, mentioning schools attended and any notable achievements Additionally, you may want to add some basic information such as your favorite color, hobbies, and favorite vacation This will help the reader get to know you better That's a good idea I told my mom and she said so too and she's gonna help me choose some pictures I just have to go buy a photo album and make copies of some pictures tomorrow But I think it's completely doable in time for Christmas Man, this is a great update Your bio dad sounds like a straight up good guy And I'm glad you were able to be open and receptive I was wondering how your adoptive dad is doing through all of this He passed when I was eight things would probably be very different if he was still alive You're right. He could have ignored everything and not come forward, but he did So take your time and get to know him Get all the medical information you can you know one thing but there can be more 25 years ago, there was no diabetes in my family at least not diagnosed Now it's rampant So get the medical information it's important An album of you growing up and some of your accomplishments would be a great gift He missed out on 17 years of your life and this could be a way for him to see it and get to know you He's been texting me every day since we met for lunch just to say hi and counting down the days to Christmas So I know he really cares about me But yeah, I don't want any more surprises So I will definitely make sure I find out anything I need to look out for The photo album is definitely the way to go I already have a bunch of photos picked out for it too Thank you for sharing What a great story and to know that you have all your parents love you that no cheating was involved in your conception That's just icing on the cake Your family is full of good people I am very very happy for you May this be the beginning of a wonderful life with all your parents and extended family Thank you. I really lucked out with all three of my parents I received some messages and requests to know what happened on Christmas. So I decided to write an update In short, it was the best Christmas I've had in years I want to thank everyone on this sub for suggesting the photo album gift It was perfect On Christmas morning, my dad FaceTimed me from his parents' house He had told them about me the night before and they were excited to meet me They seemed like nice people and kept complimenting me my academic achievements and my resemblance to my dad They live a few hours away, so we need to plan a meeting I also briefly talked to my half-brother on the call It was an awkward introduction, but we plan to meet on New Year's Eve Later that night, my dad came to our house with two huge boxes of gifts He bought me lots of clothes and shoes, an iPad Pro, and a gaming PC He also got some things for my mom I felt bad because I only got him one gift, but he loved it It was a photo album with pictures of us and my adoptive dad He started crying and apologized for not being there, but he said he loved it and that it was a thoughtful gift We spent the night talking, setting up my new PC, and watching It's a Wonderful Life, my favorite Christmas movie My dad said it was one of his top three Christmas movies, but now it's his favorite because we watched it together It got late, so my mom offered him the guest room He didn't have to drive back home in the dark and rainy weather I am glad to hear that everything turned out well for you I wish you the best of luck in building a strong bond with your brother It may be a shock to him and it will take some time for him to get used to the idea However, I wish you nothing but the best If you feel like updating us in the future, that would be great But if not, that's okay too I just want to congratulate you and wish you all the best Happy New Year To be fair to my half-brother, he was blindsided We both were I didn't even know he was there and the FaceTime call was unplanned I think our dad was just in a great mood He did say my half-brother is a bit shy too, so I'm hoping in person it'll be a lot easier to talk to him When I find the prick who's cutting onions near me, I'm gonna smack him But seriously, this is such a wonderful story to share Your gift to him was perfect and means more than you'll ever know I'm so glad he's excited to be a part of your life You will have your ups and downs as you learn about each other and your boundaries and families Just keep that in mind Growing pains are to be expected This is a whole new world for the both of you, so make sure to be open and communicate honestly Congrats on this wonderful development in your life I want to start by saying that I wrote most of this on New Year's Day when I was feeling upset So please forgive me if I come across as rude I hesitated to post it because I didn't think it would matter But someone suggested I post it on my profile, so here goes On New Year's Eve, I finally got to meet my half-brother, Ryan, and I was really looking forward to it My dad invited me, my mom, and my friend Josh, 17m, to his house, and we arrived around 8 p.m My dad seemed happy to see us and gave us a tour of his house, which was absolutely amazing He has five bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a huge office that looks more like a mini library Ryan has his own game room, and the whole house blew my mind When we finally met Ryan, the first thing he said to me was, you're shorter in person I found this kind of weird since I'm 5 feet 11 inches, so I'm not exactly short, and we were about a level But I decided to let it go and joked about how I hope to grow a few more inches Ryan's attitude towards me seemed off from the start, and he rolled his eyes and let out a not so subtle Huff when my dad offered me my pick of the three guest rooms Throughout the night, Ryan seemed to be in a bad mood and avoided talking to me My dad tried to initiate conversations between us with different topics, but Ryan mostly gave one word answers like yes No, and I don't know He was a bit more polite to my mom, which I appreciated At one point, my dad asked Ryan to help Josh bring some food platters from the kitchen, and Ryan's attitude was clearly annoyed My mother asked my father if he had talked to Ryan about us visiting their house My dad said that he had asked Ryan twice, and both times, Ryan said it was okay However, my dad also noticed that Ryan felt awkward about the situation, and he promised to talk to him later to make him feel more comfortable I asked if we could play some games in his game room It was an impressive space, but Ryan made an excuse that he did not want to ruin his game progress I thought that he could create a separate save file for us, but I didn't say anything and just went along with his excuse However, my dad insisted that Ryan show us the room So, we went there while my parents stayed in the adjacent living room Ryan started playing a single player game and did not invite us to play with him We did not bother asking since we assumed he would make another excuse I asked him about the game he was playing since it looked interesting He replied that it was difficult to explain and suggested that we google it instead My friend, Josh, tried to hold back his laughter, but it was difficult for both of us not to find the situation ridiculous Ryan seemed to be intentionally rude to us, and it was becoming more apparent as the night went on We were trying to make the best of the situation, so we just laughed it off Ryan asked us what was so funny, and I lied, saying that we remembered something funny from school a few weeks ago Thankfully he didn't ask for specifics Although I'm pretty sure even if he did believe me, he didn't care enough to ask anything about my life Josh and I went back to the living room and I asked my dad if it was cool if we checked out my room again He said of course, but asked about Ryan I had to awkwardly tell him I think we needed a little bit of space at the moment which he understood So Josh and I went to the room and just hung out there ourselves until about 11 30 When my mom and dad called all of us to the living room They must have strategized while we were all away because they sat us down and tried to get us to talk and address the situation Ryan just kind of shut down and wouldn't really answer anything He just looked annoyed. Our dad asked him if there was anything we could do to make things more comfortable for him And Ryan just straight up said Them leaving would help Referring to me, my mom and Josh Our dad said that obviously that wasn't going to happen considering how late it was and the entire point was to celebrate new years together So Ryan said fine if we wouldn't leave then he would And he walked out the front door It was about 10 minutes to midnight at that point So our dad follows him out to stop him and they got into a huge argument on the front porch It was so incredibly awkward I can't even begin to properly describe it My mom was frantically looking for the tv remote to turn the volume up to drown out the sound I couldn't hear everything they were saying but I heard bits and pieces My dad was upset saying he asked Ryan if it was okay if we came over and he said it was fine twice Ryan shouted that he changed his mind dad said that's okay But we were already here and the least he can do is be cordial and try to make the best of it At one point Ryan shouted that we're not family and I'm not his brother Which I admit that really stung It's weird because I had already decided hours before that I didn't like him But for some reason it still hurt hearing him say that Ryan said we haven't even taken the test yet, which is fair We haven't yet, but it is planned for monday and dad was already just inviting me to their holiday celebrations I think Ryan is the only one who thinks or maybe just hopes that the test is going to be negative My mom finally got the tv on full blast The three of us kind of awkwardly counted down the last five seconds and quietly wished each other a happy new year I was trying to keep it together But it all kind of sunk in that my idea of what the night would be just fell apart The whole reason we were there was to ring in the new year with my dad and half brother But neither of them were even there. I wish I would have just stayed home About five minutes after midnight Ryan came back inside Didn't say a word. He just quickly walked upstairs to his room My dad came up to us and apologized profusely and said he thinks ryan needs more time to come around He did hug me for the longest time apologizing again I wanted to tell him that I hated ryan. I wanted to say that he was rude and immature That we are clearly two very different people because I would never in a million years be as disrespectful as he was to us To a guest in my mother's home But I just felt so bad for my dad who must have been in such a difficult position It was like when he was hugging me to comfort me. He needed support too. So instead I just said that I understood He said he was grateful to me for being so patient But the truth is I was angry. I wanted to go home But thankfully everyone was pretty tired and we all called it a night The next morning my dad made us all breakfast ryan was up in his room the whole time My dad went to check on him, but came back down saying he was still asleep I don't know if that's actually true or not. I wouldn't be surprised if ryan was just refusing to come down and have breakfast with us So breakfast was actually great We all avoided talking about the night before and just had a nice conversation Josh and my dad got along really well, which was awesome because josh is my chosen brother We've been through a lot together after breakfast. We left ryan never came down from his room and the truth is I was completely fine with that My dad apologized again He apologizes a lot and said he'd see me on monday after school to finally take the paternity test On the ride back home. My mom kind of broke the silence saying Caleb me I'm not so sure about what the results of that test will be anymore because your brother's kind of an asshole And me and josh just started dying of laughter It was even funnier because the whole ride over there She kept drilling it into my head to be nice and not expect him to like me right away And josh was saying he was so surprised I didn't punch him in the face at some point I know that probably makes us seem awful But it felt so good to have people that love me have my back and agreed that it wasn't just me being crazier over sensitive Ryan took it up to 100 and stayed there the whole night I didn't even realize it until then but it was like the whole time we were there I was holding my breath and on the ride back. I felt like I could finally breathe again I thought that was the end of it, but I got a text message from ryan later that day I'll just post it here since it's short He never replied. Maybe I took too long to reply Josh and I were playing basketball at the time so I didn't have my phone on me Or maybe he didn't like that. I wrote too much back I tend to write a lot if that wasn't obvious by now Either way, it doesn't seem like ryan cares to hang out with me So yeah, not at all what I was expecting I debated even posting this because so many people seemed happy about my last couple posts I thought maybe it would be better for people to think we met and everything was perfect But that's not reality. I really wanted it to work. I don't even know where to go from here After school today, I drove to the city and met up with my dad to take the DNA test It's done up until now. I've been 100% confident on what the results will be But now I'm second guessing everything like what if I'm not actually his kid What if I just wasted his time and his money the last few weeks? My mom says there is no possible way. He's not my dad Because he was the only guy she was with during the time she got pregnant with me And I believe her, but I still feel this uneasiness in my stomach Maybe I'm just overthinking it He paid extra for the rapid results, so we'll know for sure within two days Maybe it doesn't even matter at this point Ryan seems determined to not let me be a part of their family I'm sorry that this wasn't a happy update. I really wanted it to be It's not the night you expected, but this all happened too fast Ryan may need a lot of adjusting and that's all right Him lashing out wasn't good, but maybe that's the only way he knew how to handle these emotions Some individual and family counseling may be in order for all of you Still, your dad seems like a great guy, focus on that for now I just feel like I didn't even get a chance to make a first impression, good or bad I don't understand why he wouldn't just tell our dad he wasn't comfortable with meeting me yet I would have rather just stayed home and done a video call after midnight if I would have known he was gonna act like that all night My dad facetimed me from his car yesterday afternoon He said he'd just gotten off work and he got the DNA results My stomach was in knots, because I couldn't really get a read on his face But then he just smiled and said, you're mine, kiddo I just felt this huge wave of happiness and relief wash over me I was so sure he was my dad until after we took the test and doubt and fear started creeping in But now that it's been officially confirmed with a blood test, I'm so freaking happy I have a dad again After he told me, he actually showed up at the front door He wasn't really at work when he facetimed me He had gotten the results a few hours before and he wanted to celebrate in person So when he called me he'd actually just been sitting outside my house in his car Him and my mom planned the whole thing out He brought a cake and a little balloon that said it's a boy on it, which was pretty hilarious I was on cloud nine all night We called my grandparents to tell them and they were really happy for us too My dad and I decided that we're gonna go visit them next weekend, since I have a three-day weekend Kinda nervous about that especially because I'll be so far away from home But they seem really great and just as excited as I am to meet So I'm hoping for the best Sorry if I seem bipolar with my posts It's just been a roller coaster with ups and downs But for right now I'm beyond ecstatic I can't stop looking at the picture of the results I met my grandparents last weekend, but the trip didn't go as well as I hoped They turned out to be amazing, lovely people, but my dad had to cancel our plans on Friday afternoon due to a work crisis Originally, my dad and I were supposed to leave on Saturday morning and return on Monday afternoon My dad felt bad about canceling, and I was disappointed too I had already taken days off work and planned my weekend around visiting my grandparents Although I'm an independent person, I would have preferred my dad to be there with me However, my mom didn't want me to drive that far on my own, which is about a three-hour drive My mom and I reached a compromise, and she allowed me to go if Josh came along When he heard about the lake near my grandparents' house, he agreed to come We called my grandparents, and they were happy to have both of us So, Josh and I drove over on Saturday, and I was extremely nervous when we arrived We knocked on their door, and when my grandparents answered, I immediately recognized them from our Christmas FaceTime call However, my brain shut down for a moment, and I asked if their names was correct by calling them by their first names They both laughed, and my grandpa insisted that we call them grandpa and grandma instead My grandma also added that Josh should do the same because they don't have many grandkids, and now they have two more I loved them right then and there It was just such a breath of fresh air after the meeting with Ryan We went inside, set our bags down, and had lunch My grandma made sandwiches and we all just talked about our lives for a couple hours My favorite part was hearing about their lives, how they met, what their parents were like It's like this whole other side of my family tree just opened up, and I'm learning so much about where I come from I could have listened to their stories all day They showed me a bunch of pictures of my dad as well I thought they were just being kind and trying to make me feel welcomed when they kept telling me how much I look like him in his youth But then I saw the pictures of him as a teenager, and I understood what they meant It literally looked like it could be pictures of me if I was wearing 90s clothes and had a bad haircut Me and Josh were both shocked at how strong the resemblance is Later in the day, my grandma wanted to make a pie for dessert She said she loves to bake and we were celebrating so she offered to teach us her family recipe for cherry pie As we were finishing up with the pie we were surprised to see my dad show up He said the work issue got resolved a lot easier than he thought it would so he headed straight over there I was thrilled Until I saw Ryan walk through the door shortly after him I was confused because my dad said that was his mom's weekend I discreetly asked about it while Ryan was saying hi to our grandparents and he just said it didn't work out whatever that means I didn't post about it, but I did go over to my dad's house for dinner last week It was nowhere near as bad as New Year's Eve, but Ryan still didn't really talk to me There was one moment where I thought he and I had something to connect on but he shut it down pretty quickly So when I saw Ryan walk through the door I was a bit concerned because he just doesn't like me and he makes it pretty obvious Despite that the first hour and a half were fine Ryan did say hi to me. Well to be more accurate He said sup pretty boy, which was kind of annoying because that seems to be the name he's decided for me I don't understand it or like it. I mean, yeah, I like to dress nice and take care of myself But I'm not wearing makeup or spending hours in front of a mirror But I just let it go and greeted him Josh and Ryan greeted each other all was good Ryan was just talking to our grandparents and my dad He didn't talk to me or Josh other than saying hi, but that was fine But then my grandma's timer went off for the pie So I followed her to the kitchen and offered to take the pie out Ryan followed us and he made a comment about how I'm trying to come off as mr. Nice guy It didn't even make sense The oven is low to the ground and she's an older woman So why wouldn't I offer to get it for her so she doesn't have to bend down To me, that's just common courtesy I wasn't trying to put on an act. I would do the same thing for my maternal grandma But I just asked him to please not start with that because I just came to have a good weekend He started to argue But our grandma told him to knock it off and not to start a fight in her house He said sorry to her and walked out of the kitchen. Oh man I wanted to hug her and kiss her on the cheek. I thought finally there is an adult who sees how he acts Calls him out on it and shuts it down instead of babying him Granted she did ask me to be patient because this is probably really hard for him to come to terms with That he's not the only child or grandson anymore I told her i'm completely fine with giving ryan time and space. I just hate that he acts so unnecessarily rude We were all having a good time So why does he have to try to start drama just because I offered to take a pie out of the oven? You know Anyway, so the rest of the night was fine Ryan kind of shut down and was mostly quiet. My dad did pull him aside and talk to him at one point I don't know what was said, but ryan was more talkative to our grandparents after that More specifically, he started recounting the greatest hits of his relationship with our grandparents I think he was doing it on purpose, but maybe I'm just pessimistic Either way I ignored it and we had a really great night. The pie was absolutely delicious There was a minor issue when it came time to assign sleeping arrangements They only have two extra rooms in their house So originally it was gonna be me and my dad each having our own room But we went from two to four with josh and ryan added in So my grandma suggested my dad take one room and me, josh, and ryan take the other And I was just thinking, there is no way I'm staying in a room with ryan overnight I don't think either one of us would be comfortable with that Josh and I told them we were fine sleeping on the couches in the living room So ryan and my dad could have the rooms, but none of the adults were having it So finally ryan suggested he and our dad share a room and josh and I take the other Which I thought was a good compromise and I thought was really cool of ryan to willingly give up the room Josh and I were talking that night and we agreed hopefully this was a sign that things were looking up with him We were wrong I would like to clarify a few points for my last post Some people messaged me about ryan's pretty boy comment And I want to make it clear that I don't think he meant it in a creepy way Josh and I are just best friends and we see each other as brothers Even if we were more, there would be nothing wrong with that I think ryan uses the term pretty boy to try to belittle or emasculate me When I said I take care of myself, I meant that I try to keep my skin clear and my hair neat Not that I consider myself a pretty boy Some people also suggested that I shouldn't have brought josh to new years eve As it might have been too much for ryan to handle However, I want to remind everyone that josh was always going to be with me and my mom that night Regardless of where we celebrated Josh was only with me during my recent trip to my grandparents house because my dad couldn't make it And I didn't want to go alone Even if ryan hadn't joined the trip last minute He was never supposed to be there The next day, my grandpa took us to a nearby lake And he showed us an obstacle course that looked like a military training area It had balance beams, monkey bars, a tire section, and more My grandpa suggested that ryan, josh, and I run the course But ryan declined, saying he had already done it many times before Josh and I tried to convince him to do it with us And even asked him to walk us through it But he still refused Josh and I decided to have a friendly competition to see who could finish the course faster So during it we were taunting each other like when I was ahead I would turn around and give him crap and then at the top of the climbing wall He started doing a weird dance It was hilarious to us But of course when we were done ryan made a comment asking what the point of doing it was if we weren't gonna take it seriously Josh told him we're not training for the olympics, we're just having fun We went down to the lake which, was an incredible sight The view there is amazing So we got into swim and there's a swing we kept jumping into the water from It was a blast Josh and I both tried to get ryan to join us several times But he refused when we asked He refused when my grandpa and dad encouraged him He just wanted to do his own thing After a while my grandma called us back to the house because she made lunch So we went and ate Everything was fine at lunch Afterwards we're all standing outside on the front porch And my grandpa started asking about sports, which I only play basketball But josh isn't all around athletes So he and my grandpa started talking about all the sports he plays And apparently that pissed ryan off Because he made another rude comment asking if athlete was josh's only personality trait Josh told him to chill and stop trying to start problems all the time And then ryan shouted back asking why josh kept calling him grandpa Again, our grandparents insisted on josh calling them grandma and grandpa as soon as we got there And then ryan doubled down by asking why josh was even there Because he's not family and he asked Why don't you go hang out with your own grandpa I felt the whole world stop at that moment Josh's paternal grandfather died last year and josh took it very very hard He loved his grandpa more than anyone He was closer to his grandpa than his actual dad To be fair to ryan, he did not know There's no way he could have known So I know he didn't purposely say it to be cruel or hurtful But in that moment it didn't matter to josh He lunged at him, and I had to hold him back Trying my hardest to get through to him that ryan doesn't know what he said I was practically begging him to take a walk with me to the lake And everyone else is just standing there looking confused and probably a bit scared Because josh looked like he wanted to delete ryan Josh is a guy's guy He's friends with Everyone Not a mean bone in his body Never starts fights with anyone But when ryan said that, I saw a completely different side of him He was furious I've seen him mad before but never like that I know it hurt me when ryan said what he said Because I cared about josh's grandpa too But I can't even imagine what it felt like for josh They took ryan into the house and I managed to convince josh to take a walk down to the lake with me My dad asked what happened and I told him to just give us a few minutes and to keep ryan inside Josh ended up punching a tree on the way to the lake I want to reiterate that he's not a violent or angry person Because I know that sounds bad ryan just hit the one nerve that caused him to completely lose his cool I was actually grateful that he hit a tree instead of ryan And I know he only walked away as a favor to me because he was livid We got to the lake and sat down at a bench and josh just broke down I hated seeing him like that He's the nicest guy in the world He doesn't deserve that kind of pain He said ryan just runs his mouth and says whatever he wants and nobody ever does crap about it I can't exactly blame him I'm frustrated about the way ryan acts too So we decided it was time to go back home There was no way we were surviving another 24 hours there My dad and grandpa eventually came up to sit with us and we explained why josh got so angry He apologized to both of them, but thankfully they completely understood They did try to convince us to stay, but I was pretty adamant that it was time to go I wasn't going to let josh have to sit through another day there And I certainly wasn't going to let him drive back home alone We took his car there So we went back to the house I went in and quickly grabbed all of our stuff while josh waited outside with my dad My grandma was really upset that we were leaving and I felt really bad that this was her first impression of me I apologized and essentially begged her to not think that this is who me and josh are We're good kids We don't fly off the handle and start crap all the time It was just a really horrible set of circumstances I guess at some point while I was packing Someone must have told ryan what happened because on my way out he stopped me and said he was sorry But obviously he didn't know about josh's grandpa or he would never have said that Which I do believe because he did look genuinely uncomfortable talking to me about it He said his grandma said he has to apologize to josh before we left and I said I would tell josh on his behalf But there's no way josh wanted to see him right now I did want to lay into him at that moment about him just being a jackass all the time But I'm not one to kick someone when they're down and his face did look like he felt like crap already My dad was really upset about the whole thing and I told him that I love him And I want to be a part of his family, but if he wants me in his life He needs to get ryan under control because his smart mouth has gotten old very fast He said he understood and to not worry about it because he was going to figure it out I did apologize later because I know I shouldn't have talked to him like that But I was just mad at the whole thing at that point josh and I left and about halfway through the ride back home He was back to normal But when we got back to my house my mom was pissed off when she found out what happened Josh is like a second son to her so she was pretty angry about the whole thing In hindsight, we should have just went back to josh's house and stayed there for the day Or just said one of us was feeling sick or something and that's why we left early Thankfully I convinced her not to call my dad at the time She did call him the next day when she had calmed down My dad called me a short while after and asked if I would be willing to go to a group therapy session with him and ryan Honestly, I think it sounds pointless But if it's a chance to get ryan and I do at least be courteous to each other I'll take it My dad said he is a few therapists in mind and he's gonna see if one of them can get us an appointment next week Last thing I'm definitely more of a logical slash factual person over an emotional one So I try to write without a bias even though ryan frustrates the hell out of me I hope it doesn't come off as me painting him as the devil because I do see some semblance of a good person in him When he talks to our dad and grandparents, he seems like such a normal guy It's only when it comes to me and josh at the end of our trip that he gets really mean and belittling I don't know what his issue is, but I really wish I could meet the guy. He is to everyone else I hope therapy goes well You seem like such an old soul. I hope you are proud of yourself Your mom seems to have done a good job raising you into such a kind and strong young man I encourage you to keep writing your feelings Take them with you into therapy It's often hard when put on the spot to organize your thoughts Therapy is about guidance The real work is done between sessions I hope ryan finds some equilibrium and you get to have a solid relationship with him It's funny you say that because I've actually been called an old soul by a few older people in my life Thank you. My mom is truly the best. I do write a lot Way more than I actually post here believe it or not. I guess it's kind of like an outlet for me I don't know if I would feel comfortable enough to take them into therapy though We walked into the therapist's office and she asked us to introduce ourselves Then she asked why we came to therapy My dad explained what happened so far by giving her a quick rundown The therapist asked me how I felt about everything Ryan complained and asked why I talked first I talked first because the therapist asked me too So she promised he would get his chance to speak but that we shouldn't interrupt each other I told her my only issue is that right there Ryan is rude and treats me like crap for no reason He said he has his reasons The therapist asked him what his reasons for disliking me were He apparently had a whole list ready His reasons were I always bring josh along as my bodyguard I told him that is not true. I don't need josh to fight my battles for me I've seen ryan much more by myself than I have with josh Josh was only there two times new years eve Which my dad confirmed right there that he asked ryan if he was okay with my mom and josh coming to their house That night or if he wanted to wait until it could just be the three of us Ryan said he was fine with all three of us coming He said again that he changed his mind when we got there The therapist asked what made him change his mind and he said he just did He wouldn't elaborate Second time was to visit my grandparents Which I reminded him that josh only came with at my mother's insistence So I didn't have to drive and be there alone and that ryan wasn't even supposed to be there that weekend He replied that there is grandparents so he doesn't need an invite I said that's true, but I'm just saying I had no idea he was ever going to be there So it's not like he can say I purposely brought josh's backup Next reason why he dislikes me. I try to turn everyone against him And he's tired of being blamed and punished for not liking me. I told him I don't try to turn anyone against him I'm just trying to get to know my newly discovered family If he's getting in trouble that is due to his own actions, not mine I've been nothing but patient and understanding with him even when he's been mean to me every chance he gets And I'm not the one that punishes him for his behavior. So why is he taking his anger out on me anyway? The therapist asked my dad if he's been punishing ryan for his behavior He said no, he wouldn't ground ryan for having heightened emotions She asked ryan if he's not being grounded then what did he mean by being punished? He responded that his dad and grandparents are scolding him about his behavior and the things he said to me and josh I almost couldn't believe it. Apparently he thinks being told not to be so blatantly rude is punishment Next reason he dislikes me, he thinks I'm just putting on a golden boy act to try to get his dad's money I actually laughed at this one. I've seen several people suggest this might be an issue But I honestly thought there was no way this 16 year old guy was that concerned about money and inheritance While I was wrong My response taught that was, if this is really your biggest concern We can go to dad's office right now and I'll sign whatever document I need to that waves my rights to an inheritance I truly don't care about our dad's money Ryan can have every cent I didn't come from money and I don't need it to be happy I plan to create my own wealth and success in life If ryan needs that peace of mind that the money is his I will gladly sign it all over if it gets him to shift his attitude towards me Unfortunately, our dad went into lawyer mode and said we can't just do that because my mom would need to be present Because I'm a minor and I'd likely have to reaffirm the validity of my choice when I turn 18 anyway Then he said he doesn't even want me to sign away my rights to anything So that kind of went nowhere Reason number four why ryan dislikes me. I was trying to buy his dad's love with a photo album christmas gift I didn't even get a chance to respond to this one because our dad jumped in He was mad. He told ryan that he has no right to try to decide how someone else perceives a gift He said that gift meant a lot to him and when ryan's older and has his own kids He'll understand how important those memories are and how much it would hurt if you didn't get to be a part of your kid's childhood The therapist asked if I could explain to ryan why I wanted to be a part of their family Even though I felt it was a bit personal considering i'm not close at all with ryan I decided to be honest and tried to explain to him what it was like to lose my adopted father at eight years old I tried to explain how hard it was to be sad when our school or my friend group had father slash son events And I couldn't participate because I didn't have a dad anymore Or what it's like to avoid social media on father's day because everyone is understandably posting pictures of their father And praising them for all the things they do and continue to do for their family And you don't want to have to face the reality that you don't get to make memories with your father anymore When I found out our dad was my bio dad and that he actually wanted to be a part of my life I took it as a second chance to have a father again ryan angrily said he knows what it's like to lose a parent too I was a bit shocked because I was thinking maybe he had a stepdad or stepmom that died and I didn't know about this But no He said ever since his parents divorced He only gets to see his mom twice a month I saw red he was talking about his parents divorce He equated my father's passing to his parents splitting up I probably should have just walked out, but I genuinely could not believe what he was saying I angrily told him how dare he compare the two events his mother moved across town She's not buried six feet underground. I told him you can call your mom and talk to her whenever you want I reminded him that he was literally texting her about the results of a math test He took while we were waiting to go in just fyi. He said this out loud to our dad I wasn't even next to him.   He was not I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he had good intentions But it just came out horribly But his attitude body language and tone of voice was not I feel your pain so much as it was get over it I know it may be hard to get that vibe when just hearing about it But if you were in that room, you wouldn't have a doubt in your mind that he was being snarky I know our dad and the therapist easily picked it up too You could see it in our dad's embarrassed face and the therapist remained calm and had a poker face the entire session But you could tell by the way she was talking that even she was a bit surprised by what ryan was saying The therapist asked if ryan wanted to share anything about his situation with his mother Ryan looked like he wanted to say something but was looking at me kind of weird I took it as a sign of uncomfortableness So I did what someone suggested on my last post and offered to leave the room if he needed to talk privately to her and our father And truthfully I wanted to leave the room anyway because I felt like I needed to calm myself down But ryan said he just didn't feel like talking about it at all So the therapist decided to switch gears and asked our dad to explain to us Why it was so important to him that we get along with each other He told us that he has a brother that he hasn't seen or spoken to in over 20 years and he misses him every day He wishes they could be a part of each other's lives again And when he sees how ryan and I don't get along it makes him scared that once we're both out in the adult world Which will happen very fast will never speak to each other again The therapist told our dad the circumstances were very different because he grew up with his brother Whereas ryan and I just met his teenagers My dad said he knows it's different But one day hopefully very far from now he'll be gone and he just wishes we could be there for each other He actually got really emotional saying all this Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see but it genuinely looked like ryan let his guard down as our dad spoke He looked almost sad to see our dad so upset At one point ryan sort of randomly asked our dad if he cheated on ryan's mom with my mom and did she find out and that's why they divorced Our dad faced him looked him straight in the eyes and explained to him that that's not the case He told ryan to ask his mom how they met Apparently they met at a summer job. They both worked in 2004 He reminded ryan I was conceived on his 25th birthday in february He said he doesn't claim to be a perfect man, but that he's definitely not a cheater He told ryan he's sorry that things didn't work out with his mom But that it's not healthy or fair to anyone to stay with someone you're not truly happy with even for your children The therapist co-signed on that and explained to ryan that while it's completely normal for him to be hurt and upset that his parents divorced That his parents did the right thing in separating instead of staying in an unhappy marriage Our dad said that even then he doesn't regret ever being with ryan's mom because she gave him ryan The therapist surprisingly said we had a good session how that was considered good And she wanted us to go home and really think about what everyone said and try to see things from each other's point of view She said her initial conclusion is that ryan and I seem to have already made up our minds about each other based on limited interaction And we think we know who the other is and what our intentions are when really we don't know each other at all On the way out my dad thanked us for going because he knew neither of us really wanted to do it He asked if we would go again and ryan said he'll go for our dad But he didn't want to go with me because he felt like he couldn't really speak his mind To his credit, he did say no offense to me And none was taken because I definitely do not want to have to sit through any more of ryan's analogies Dad said that's fine. He can go on his own if he's more comfortable with that He asked if I wanted to go on my own too and I told him I'd think about it But I really don't want to It's two hours of driving for me to talk to a therapist for an hour about stuff I've already repeated here online and to my friends and family I started thinking about what the therapist said and what a lot of people have said on my posts about trying to be more empathetic towards ryan and the situation he's in So even though I stand by what I said about him relating death and divorce is insensitive I did tell him I don't know the situation with his mom and I'm sorry if I made him feel unheard or unimportant when he brought her up I let my emotions get the better of me in the moment ryan thanked me and our dad asked if I wanted to get dinner with them But I lied and said I promised my mom I'd be home for dinner The truth is I felt like I already had enough interaction with the both of them for one day and just wanted to leave on a neutral note With all that being said, I don't think I'll be updating for a while unless something big happens I feel like my posts are nothing but negativity and no progress lately and I don't want to be redundant Thank you to anyone who has followed my rants and story up until now I really hope to have a better update someday This isn't really an update. I just wanted to clarify a few things I've said some of these things in comments on my posts But I understand not everyone reads every comment and just reads what I write in my main posts I want to start off by saying I have told everything exactly as it happened Obviously, there are things in conversations I am not privy to especially on ryan's side of things But I have attempted to be as unbiased and fair as possible when recounting events I try to give ryan credit when it's due. I haven't changed or withheld any information to try to portray myself as better than him in any way I appreciate the comments telling me how mature and patient I am But I feel it would be disingenuous to not be a bit more clear on where I stand I've mentioned this in the comments before but if ryan was any other guy, I would have hit him a long time ago I know people will say violence is not the answer and I know that but I'm just being truthful I am not someone who lets others disrespect me My friends are my family and while I now understand that his world has been overturned significantly more than mine Has ryan has in my eyes crossed the line quite a few times The only reason I haven't hit him and why I held josh back at my grandparents house Is because even though my dad has been nothing but kind and welcoming to me I still don't have a strong bond with him. We just met I want to know him and have him in my life But I'm scared that if I retaliate by hitting or even just yelling at ryan too harshly My dad may decide he doesn't want to have a relationship with me anymore So it's not moral superiority that causes me to be so patient and mature in these scenarios It's fear of losing my dad before I even get to know him If I've painted myself as some paragon of goodness who can do no wrong in my posts I apologize. That is not my intent. I'm not perfect. I'm definitely not the most Mature 17 year old in the world I'm just a kid who desperately wants a chance at having a dad again To that end, I am putting up with ryan's behavior and constantly attempting to be the bigger person when he lashes out at me Regarding ryan's living situation, he lives with our dad full time I'm not sure exactly when ryan's parents divorced, but I know it's been years My dad did say that ryan chose to live with him So I would imagine it was sometime within the last few years if he was old enough to get to decide who he wanted to live with I know people have said ryan is scared of having to now share time with his dad But I can say with full confidence that physically it's not that big of a loss for him I understand emotionally is a whole different thing I live an hour away, so meeting up multiple times a week is just not realistic between mine and my dad's schedules I've seen our dad a lot within the past month But that's because there was a lot to do with meeting family and taking the paternity test and getting the results I don't expect this to be the standard moving forward And even then the time I've spent with him recently is nothing compared to the alone time ryan still had with him during the same month As for ryan's mother, I don't know much I've seen a lot of people say that she must be an absentee parent and is of right now I just don't get that vibe I agree that it's odd that she only sees ryan every other weekend I'm not sure why that's their arrangement But ryan said his mom was texting him to ask how he did on his math test And I guess that doesn't scream neglectful parent to me I don't think someone who doesn't love their kid would care to ask how they're doing in school On several different occasions. I've heard ryan mention things. She's told him recently So I know they stay in regular contact at the very least She does not view ryan as out of sight out of mind And her and my dad are clearly on friendly terms considering she messaged him about seeing my picture He never would have found me if not for her I don't think she would go out of her way to contact him on something that could have been nothing if they weren't on good terms Some people have asked about ryan and his personality and social life Again, I haven't changed or misrepresented anything I've experienced But with that being said, I may have unintentionally made him appear to be a loner or socially distant He's not He looks like any other guy our age He could be walking down the halls of any high school and he wouldn't stand out in any negative way I apologize if I made it seem like he's the shy quiet kid hiding inside his hoodie or anything like that I don't know anything about his friend circle People have asked if he has friends or has trouble making friends I would assume he has no issue with that Like I said, he's like any other teenage boy Physically, he's not an ugly guy at all. So I would imagine he would have no problem getting interest from girls I haven't met or seen any of his friends And I know a lot of people said that he should have been allowed to have a friend at New Year's Eve I'm not sure why people seem to blame me for ryan being alone that night After the therapy session, I now know that both my dad and ryan knew josh was coming So that was on them to have him invite a friend It's not my house to invite people to and I hadn't even met ryan or have any way to contact him So it's not like I could message him to say feel free to bring a friend because I'm bringing mine That's all I can think of right now I hope this clears a few things up I know I'm pretty bad about responding to comments if it's not within a few hours after I make a new post But I do read every comment I did get back to a lot of people on my last post just now Again, I don't think I'm gonna be updating unless something big happens, but I'm still hoping things start to look up soon I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope I told my dad two weeks ago that I think he and I should just have our own time Whenever I hang out with him and ryan, it's always ryan being passive aggressive at best and downright mean on average He doesn't like me He will never like me I've accepted that I'm over it I told our dad I'll go to the weekly dinner he likes to have But other than that I would rather see him alone without ryan there I explained that it didn't necessarily have to be forever But at least for a while He was upset because I know he wants us to get along but he agreed to my request anyway I should also mention that I wanted to do weekly dinners on weekends because that works better for my schedule But ryan insisted on them being on weekdays, so he could be there I was confused because even when it was his idea and he said he wanted to be there He's never nice to me during dinner After the events that transpired I believe that his intentions were never that he wanted it to be a family dinner He just wanted to keep tabs on me and our dad and he can't do that If I go to dinner on weekends when ryan isn't there half of those days I'm taking the sat on saturday Between work, school, extracurriculars and trying to find time to have a social life somewhere in between I haven't studied anywhere near as much as I would like So on sunday I was gonna go to my friend jimmy's house to study together with a couple of our other friends But my dad really wanted to hang out that weekend I felt guilty because I had to cancel on our plans the weekend before because I had a project due for one of my classes He offered to help me study for my sat and to be honest, I didn't really want or need his help Not because I didn't want to spend time with him because I definitely did But I just really wanted to study with my friends who are also taking the test But I let my guilt win and I said we could go to the library for a few hours if he wanted to help me study I suggested the library because my mom had a friend visiting from out of state and they're very chatty at home This was the first time my dad and I hung out alone since I asked him to spend time with me without my brother ryan He came by himself and we went to the nearby library I reminded him of the math sections that I needed to study and we got started It was a great experience to have my dad help me with my math I'm not good at it But my dad is good at math even though he hasn't been in school for almost 20 years He was surprisingly helpful Afterwards, my dad admitted that he refreshed his knowledge the night before so he could be more helpful to me He was taking our study session seriously and he explained to me what I was doing wrong and solving a few math problems I enjoyed spending time with him even though we were just studying for a test About an hour and 15 minutes after we started studying at the library ryan unexpectedly showed up He walked up to us and I was shocked to see him there It was unbelievable because he lived an hour away from the library And I couldn't believe he drove all the way there to interrupt my sat preparation At first I thought I was imagining things But it was real and he was there I know it wasn't planned because my dad looked just as confused as I was He asked ryan how he knew where we were and ryan reminded him that they have each other's locations shared with each other He asked what ryan was doing there and ryan held up an sat prep book and said he came to study too I asked if he had even signed up for the sat because just last week when our dad asked him about it at dinner He said he wasn't going to do it on the 12th and he'd take it later Ryan said he decided to sign up for it I asked when he signed up He said yesterday I told him that's impossible because late registration ended on the first of the month He said he signed up for a later one, but when I asked which one he didn't remember the date or even just the month I don't believe that he actually signed up to take it He sat down and our dad told him that he should have called and asked before coming Ryan got defensive and started saying that he has to take the sat too And it's not fair that i'm getting help and he isn't Then he ended his argument with are you really gonna tell me to leave He was challenging our father to ask him to leave and our dad ever the kind soul told him, of course not I've noticed ryan does that a lot whenever he and I get into an argument and our dad tells him to stop He asks our dad a question that's specific to whatever is currently going on But under the surface it sounds like do you love me or not And our dad caves to him every single time So ryan opened up his book and started asking for help on the first page he saw I mean he literally just opened his book up to a random page No bookmark and asked so how do I do this without even reading what was on the page My dad mouthed to me that he was sorry.  Anyway, it feels like I'm expected to fall in line and be patient And try to understand how hard it is for ryan to share our dad And I've done that over and over again But ryan will not give me the same respect and I don't feel like being walked all over anymore I'm tired of it So I just started packing my things up My dad quietly asked me to please not leave ryan let out an amused scoff and asked seriously He was enjoying the moment. I didn't say a word. I just grabbed my stuff and walked out My dad followed me to my car. Thankfully we took my car So I didn't have to call one of my friends or an uber for a ride He said he was sorry and that he swears he didn't know ryan would show up I know he's telling the truth But he should have told ryan to leave. I know he's in a difficult position I know he's terrified of making ryan feel unloved or replaced by me But I don't care anymore. I don't care about ryan's feelings. I'm tired of being mature and understanding I'm tired of being told to try to have empathy for him to think about what he's going through I don't care. He doesn't care about me. Why should I care about him? I told my dad to really think about what just happened ryan tracked his location and drove an hour away from home because he couldn't stand the idea of me Finally getting some alone time with our dad. Am I the crazy one? Is that not completely inappropriate and insane for someone to do? He said he'll tell ryan that he can't do this again But asked if I would just come back inside this time I told him no I said he can go in there and help ryan study for the test he didn't even really sign up to take I wasn't gonna sit there and play nice and bite my tongue for the millionth time I'm over it I told him that he can have ryan take him back to my house to pick up his car And not to wait for me to get home and not to dare tell my mom what happened if she was still there I left and drove around for a bit I called jimmy to see if I could still go over but she didn't answer I found out later that they were taking a practice test at the time I called josh, but he didn't answer I didn't want to go home and see my dad and ryan show up to get his car So I went to the park and sat at a picnic table I tried to study but I couldn't focus My mind was stuck on what happened at the library and how angry I was about the whole thing Some more crap went down at the park that I don't feel comfortable enough talking about here Nothing to do with ryan or my dad But it made my day even worse and I was just kind of a mess mentally Josh ended up calling me back and I went to his house and I just vented about the whole day He says I need to stop seeing ryan completely because all ryan does is get in my head and cause me misery Then he said I'm so focused on being angry at ryan showing up to ruin my time with my dad But I don't even realize the severity of the situation I was in at the park And I realized he was right I've let ryan's animosity towards me consume my thoughts Why am I letting this guy affect my mindset so much? My dad called me a couple times that night to talk but I didn't answer I was with my friends at the time and I honestly didn't want to talk about it We ended up texting briefly I was kind of a jerk to him because I was so mad But he did acknowledge what ryan did was wrong and he apologized for not asking him to leave Which made me feel a little better I still wish he would have told ryan to leave then and there I know that ryan is the kid he raised and I'm just the kid he met a few months ago So I would never expect him to choose me over ryan But I can't help but wish he would choose to side with me just one time He and I have talked since then and things are better between us But I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take I feel like I'm about to crack Hey there, I'm really sorry ryan is so messed up That he can't even let you have three hours with your dad What a douche You're right, your dad should have stuck up for you and y'alls time together And it sounds like josh is right, there is zero benefit to you seeing ryan I like the idea of you not having to interact with ryan at all for at least a year Your dad is going to have to get over his little dream of a magical brotherly bond I know you don't love the idea of therapy But if you have the time slash transport and your dad is still willing to pay Just letting it all out and talking to someone who is paid to listen and not judge Can help with feeling like you're about to crack Keep taking care of you It's just hard because it feels like they're a package deal I just don't have any confidence that my dad will ever tell ryan anything other than stop Or don't do that slash this again He faces no actual consequences for his actions and it is so frustrating If I had done or said even a fraction of the things ryan has in front of my mom She would take my car keys and I'd be taking the bus to school And if I kept it I'd probably be grounded until graduation day I don't want to ask my dad for anything to be honest I already feel bad enough when he buys me things that I don't ask for I know he did offer to pay for it but I don't know, I just feel weird about it I wrote, ryan won, three days ago That was all I could write at the time because I was devastated I wanted to delete this account and disappear because I didn't want to admit my failure However, I know that there are people here who genuinely care And I don't want to disappoint them Now that a few days have passed and the initial shock has worn off I can explain what happened I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out As I feel this will come to an end I went to my dad's house for dinner last Saturday night Even though everyone told me to stop going I knew they were right But I went anyway because it meant so much to my dad He never guilt tripped me into going And he hasn't tried to force ryan and me to be together since January It was my decision to go to dinner every week My dad does a lot for me and never asks for anything in return Except for having dinner with him once a week at his house To be fair to him, I never told him how much I was hurting or the true extent of ryan's behavior I thought I would have a chance to talk to my dad privately after dinner And tell him how I'd been feeling However, that moment never came, at least not in the way I had hoped During dinner, ryan started acting up again, like he always does My dad mentioned celebrating me being done with the SAT And ryan asked why we would celebrate when we didn't know if I did well yet I was fed up with ryan's rude comments and started arguing with him during dinner While my dad tried to get us to stop and continue eating To be honest, it wasn't even the worst that ryan had ever been to me, not even close However, after the incident at the library, I had mostly checked out of the entire situation And this was just the final straw Our argument escalated, and I told ryan that I could be doing a million other things at that moment But I was there trying to have dinner with both of them ryan shouted back at me, asking why I was wasting my time if I was so miserable being there I was about to respond with anger, but then a switch flipped in my head, and I realized he was right Why was I wasting my time trying to make things work when ryan was dead set on keeping me away from our father Why was I fighting for a father who couldn't even stand up to his own son for me I looked at our dad and told him that I couldn't do this anymore I explained to my dad that every time I come over, I spend an hour driving to his house mentally preparing myself for a fight with ryan and trying to convince myself that things will be different this time And after dinner, I spent an hour driving back home feeling foolish for ever thinking things could change This whole experience is changing me into someone that I'm not I've become someone who is always angry and lashing out at the wrong people I've become someone who can't focus on school and work because I'm constantly thinking about this situation Trying to figure out what I can do to make it better or what I should have said or done differently My grades are suffering and I had to beg my teacher to let me redo an important assignment because I was too distracted to do it Right the first time I took the sat this past saturday and I feel like I did well But not as great as I could have if I were in a better headspace. It's just too much to handle I know that ultimately none of this is directly ryan's fault It's my fault for letting him get into my head. However, I also know that the best thing I can do for myself is to walk away from the whole situation I told my dad that he's so scared of hurting ryan and not making him feel replaced that he's letting him treat me poorly right in front of him And he doesn't do anything about it My dad said that he does discipline ryan But I responded by saying that he clearly isn't doing enough because ryan's behavior never changes My dad tried to approach me, but I told him not to I didn't want him to hug me or apologize because I knew he would know exactly what to say And he would convince me to give it another chance The truth is I'm so pathetically desperate for my dad's love and acceptance that I allowed ryan to tear me down piece by piece Convincing myself that it was worth the pain and that I could get through it eventually But it's not worth it anymore and ryan has stripped me down to the bone I don't want him to have any power over me anymore ryan huffed and rolled his eyes when I told my dad that I was done I used the word bro out of habit and it seemed to have angered ryan even more I've always been careful not to call ryan bro to avoid this type of situation, but I slipped up in the heat of the moment ryan shouted that he's not my freaking bro I agreed with him and told him that he was right I admit that I got cocky and said that he missed out because I know that I'm a damn good friend And I would have been the best brother he could have ever had. I would have had his back through anything Then I took out the credit card and house key that my dad had given me left them on the table And told ryan that I was leaving for good and that I would never come back My dad and ryan both followed me to the door as I was walking away I told myself that I needed to be the bigger person just one last time, but ryan was relentless He shouted at me to stop being dramatic and to stop playing the victim Our dad tried to intervene telling ryan to stop talking, but it did nothing to calm him down My dad also tried to convince me to stay so that he and I could talk, but I just wanted to leave ryan kept following me and antagonizing me about running away When I made it to the front door ryan was right behind me and said You'll come crawling back in a week I turned around and swung at him I know it makes me a coward to hit an unsuspecting person And I lost any moral high ground I may have had when I did it I swear I just wanted to leave, but he wouldn't leave me alone ryan fell to the ground looking completely stunned that I had hit him The disappointed look on my dad's face was even worse I thought it would make me happy to hit ryan to finally shut him up, but it didn't All I felt in that moment was overwhelming sadness because I knew that the second that punch connected my relationship with my biological dad was really over My dad went to help ryan back up and I told ryan that he had won I said that he was an only child again and that he should stay out of my town and leave me alone ryan didn't say anything He didn't try to hit me back, laugh, smirk, or mock me He just stared at me My dad tried once again to stop me from leaving, but I told him that the same applied to him I said goodbye to him for the last time and walked out I managed to make it two-thirds of the way home pretending that I was okay and fighting back tears However, on that last stretch of road, it suddenly hit me like a truck and I cried the rest of the way home When I got home, I waited in my car until the redness in my eyes was completely gone And it wasn't obvious that I had been crying I walked inside, and my mom came from the kitchen, surprised that I was home so early When I said hi to my mom, she instantly asked me what was wrong I don't know how she does it, but she always knows when something is bothering me, no matter how well I try to hide it However, I didn't want to ruin her night, so I decided to tell her in the morning I tried to lie and tell her that nothing had happened and that I was just a bit tired from the drive However, she made me look her in the face and asked me what had happened I started crying again, and even though it may seem childish, I just really needed my mom in that moment I went to the living room, and I told her everything about how Ryan wouldn't allow me to have a relationship with our dad And how my dad was too scared of hurting him to stop him I hadn't told her most of the things that Ryan had said and done up to that point because I knew she would be angry at him And my dad if she knew the full story My mom told me that I didn't have to go to their house anymore if it was just causing me pain and stress All I could think and say to her was that I really wanted it to work I wanted it to work so badly Later, I texted my friends in our group chat and told them that I wasn't going to be seeing Ryan or my dad anymore They all blocked Ryan on instagram and snapchat except for Austin, who had to return a game he had borrowed A couple of days later, he went to the city with his girlfriend, left the game on the front porch, and sent Ryan a picture of it with a middle finger emoji Then, he blocked him too. I know it's not the most mature response, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel good to know my friends all had my back The next day, when I got out of the shower, I heard my mom raising her voice at someone, and I quickly got dressed and saw that my dad was at the front door I stayed upstairs and listened to part of my dad and mom's argument My mom refused to let him in because I had told her the night before that I didn't want to see or speak to him They were going back and forth with my dad wanting to come talk to me But my mom was saying that he and ryan weren't welcome in our home anymore Eventually, my dad said he's my son and my mom told him that he doesn't get to say that Because a father would advocate for his child and put a stop to ryan's behavior months ago He was emotional and telling her he's in a difficult spot in the middle of both of us My mom acknowledged that but also told him that he constantly lets me down because he knows I'm the more mature one But I'm not okay and haven't been for a while and he fails to see that She pointed out that I am only 17 years old But my dad treats me like a grown man and ryan is just a bratty kid brother that I have to tolerate The last thing I overheard was my mom saying that I am not obligated to put up with ryan's behavior anymore I decided to go back to my room and put my air pods in because I didn't want to hear any more of their conversation Later on, my dad called me, but I was unsure if it was when he was still at the house or after he left I didn't answer the call A while after, my mom came to my room and told me that my dad had stopped by and said that she should tell me that he won't show up at my school or work She also mentioned that she told him I would reach out if I ever wanted to talk But assured me that I don't have to if I don't want to All I want to do now is move on from the situation He has sent me a bunch of text messages and left half a dozen voicemails I've only listened to parts of some of them before turning them off I know I have to block his number, but I also know that once I do that it means this part of my life is well and truly over I always thought that when it came to fight or flight, I was a fighter and I did fight I fought so hard, but I don't have any more fight in me Not for this Regardless of what's happened. I stand by everything I said about my father in the past He's a good man. He has a kind heart His only fault in all this is that he loves his son most in the world and wants to protect his feelings And if that's his biggest character flaw, I think he'll be okay I wanted him in my life, but the truth is I don't need him Ryan does I don't know what goes on in Ryan's head and as of a few days ago I officially could not care less, but I do hope he grows and matures someday Not for me Not for his dad For himself Because the person he is now is not going to get very far in life I know there are several people who are sure that I twisted advance or omitted details to make myself seem faultless while demonizing Ryan That is not the case. I know that everything I've hosted is true Ryan knows all of the things that he's done even if he truly believes that he's justified in his actions And that's really all that matters I also know that a lot of people believed me to be an invader who showed up and disrupted Ryan's perfect life Well, now the invader is gone and Ryan gets what he wants, just like I'm sure he always has Maybe someday when I'm older, I can have a relationship with Ryan's dad Or maybe I won't care in a year Maybe he won't either Maybe I'll end up like my uncle, just another mystery in their family history Another relative that no one has heard from in 20 years For anyone who has supported me with advice and followed my posts from the beginning And I know there are quite a few of you, I'd like to truly thank you Getting to vent, get opinions and perspective, even on Ryan's possible POV, and read words of encouragement really did mean a lot to me And I'm sorry if I wasted your time with reading my posts just to not see this through I'm sorry that I couldn't tough it out Maybe Ryan would have come around if I'd have held out a little longer I'm sorry that I'm not as strong as I thought I was All I can say is that I'm not a quitter, but I do know that it's time to walk away I ignored the signs for weeks I should have known after New Year's Eve that it was never going to work out I diluted myself into thinking that I was going to have a happy ending I kept trying to appease Ryan and his dad by being the perfect, patient, understanding person that I thought I needed to be to find a place in their family But the truth is that person is a doormat and it's time I stop worrying about them and start focusing on putting myself first again I don't care about protecting Ryan's anonymity anymore, so feel free to repost this anywhere I know it's petty, but a small part of me hopes Ryan will see these posts one day and realize how awful he was to me I'm not perfect I can admit I was self-centered in the beginning and only cared about how the situation was great for me without even thinking about how it impacted his life I admit I talked shit about Ryan both online and to my family and friends But it was only because of the things he said and did to me I went into this excited at the idea that I was going to have a brother After our first meeting was a disaster I thought well my friends all say that siblings don't always get along So I just have to give him time to warm up to me When I was with him I really did try to get along with him But I now see that he wasn't going to stop until I was gone I went half my life without a father even though it's not the outcome I wanted I know that I can do it again I'm choosing to walk away now because I want to remember him as the man who never gave up on being in my life I want to remember him as the man who loved me before he even met me I know that if I stay it's going to get worse I'm going to get worse And I don't want that to be the way he remembers me This whole situation has caused me heartache and opened up some old wounds that I thought had healed But I have my mom and my friends to help me get through it I wouldn't change anything that happened. I'm still glad I got to meet him He gave me a Christmas memory that I will cherish for the rest of my life But in the long run it was just never going to work out and I've accepted that I'm not okay right now, but I will be in time Thank you again for reading, listening, and caring about some random kid on the internet I wish you all the best in life Take care of yourselves Hey there, glad you've kept your account on here and haven't deleted it yet Don't know that I'll get a chance to respond to the recent events or that you'll get a chance to see it But I decided this post merits a response and wanted to give you some last bit of advice and wisdom I think given the situation, you've had a remarkably level head throughout But this is the post that tells me you're 17 years old and that this isn't a bad thing But the expectation that the rest of the commenters here need to have Is that while you are remarkably well put together, in many ways beyond your years, you like Ryan are also growing and learning I can't say what this looks like five years from now I can't tell you that Ryan will have a change of heart and mind I certainly hope he does But I can also testify to the fact that there are some garbage human beings among us, grownups But given the father in the situation, I think at some point, all the amazing qualities that you love about your father Will eventually surface in Ryan But let's not talk about Ryan anymore, because ultimately he's not what is important right now I strongly urge you, strongly encourage you Not to close a door, not like this one I know you are hurt From the ongoing mistreatment from Ryan, and from the disappointment that you finally lashed out If it makes you feel any better, sometimes I think among brothers, some of the best bonding and personal growth can be had out of a fistfight Don't write this down as words of wisdom, because that advice can easily backfire But Ryan got a dose of, frick around and find out, and he was probably long overdue for that I still think that there are a lot of changes going on in his life, that he's not a lost cause And that ultimately everything is still happening so fast for both of you to reasonably acclimate That said, sometimes the loudest and clearest message to tell someone you're done listening to their shit, is to lay them out on the floor I don't encourage this advice as a life mantra, but essentially, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it You're a kid, and fights happen, and fights with siblings even more so Now, let's talk about your dad This man is investing himself in you Money, time, support, adoration The most important one of these though is time, because time is the most valuable thing we have on the earth Take care not to underestimate the expense of time He clearly has a positive influence on you, sadly with a negative modifier as well, Ryan But I think an alternative to this situation, is acknowledging that the current dynamic isn't working to make you feel safe or wanted, or to make Ryan feel safe or wanted What you too should instead be focusing on right now, is spending quality time with each other absent of Ryan, because clearly the two of you being together is not quality time for either of you It's mostly time your dad spends being a middleman referee in the middle of a boxing match So, if I were you, knowing that this connection ultimately is one you want to build, is tell your dad, I'm not ready to see Ryan on a regular basis, and he clearly isn't ready for me to intrude on his life This all happened really fast, can we please take it a bit slower and just focus on developing our relationship for now? That's my opinion Ultimately, I think closing the door here does not benefit you, it will be something you'll regret down the road Right now, that's the sadness, emotions, and depression talking about the whole situation But I think if you sit back and reflect, you'll recognize that you're not ready to close the door on this This is a defensive mechanism of setting aside and not having to deal with the difficult part of this situation, and the reality is, there is a much better and more productive way of going about it All in all OP, the ball is in your court You get to say how much and how little the old man gets to be a part of your life now Set healthy boundaries and expectations, and go at the pace that is best for you And if you and Ryan can't have a relationship that isn't toxic, make sure your father understands that what is currently in the best interests of both you and Ryan Is that you work on developing a relationship with him, absent of each other, and you all cross that bridge in the future when you're better able to do so I know a lot of people had strong reactions to my last post, and I understand why I used this platform to vent my frustrations, and as time went on, it became all about the bad stuff But that's not the whole story I never told you guys about how my dad messaged me every single morning just to say hi, and on school days, to wish me a good day at school That always started my day off on a good note, even if the day before had been crap I never wrote about the time he asked me what my dream vacation would be and seemed to be secretly planning to make it happen I never mentioned how excited he was to take me to my first MLB game whenever baseball season actually started up There were so many moments I never shared, and that's why I stand by everything I said about him being a good and kind man He made several mistakes in bringing me into his life, and I won't make excuses for him on that But I knew then, just like I know now, that he is not a coward or a bad father A coward is someone who can't admit when they are wrong and apologize A bad father is someone who learns he has a child and chooses to remain blissfully ignorant My dad is not those things I've been unfortunate enough to see true bad parenting in some of my friend's lives And I've read dozens of horror stories here on reddit My dad is not a bad father He's just a man who couldn't quite adapt to and take control of a new situation as quickly as he probably should have No one in this scenario is without fault or sin My dad, Ryan, Josh, my mom, and myself have all made mistakes here We're all flawed That just makes us human None of us should be defined or labeled forever by the mistakes we made in this unusual situation We all deserve a chance to grow and become better people for ourselves than the ones we love I didn't expect to ever be posting again To be honest, my plan was to leave my last post up for 24 hours and then delete my account That's how broken I was I didn't respond to a single person publicly or privately, so please don't think I ignored you or that your words fell on deaf ears I did read every single comment and private message and the amount of support I received from all of you was incredible There were a couple of nights where I hit those low points again And I would open up those comments and see that there were so many people rooting for me to get past this and succeed It may sound silly, but it really did make a difference to me and help me keep my chin up during the harder days Writing my feelings down has helped a lot as well It helps me keep track of where I'm at and how much I've improved My mom told me that when she was my age she used to journal a lot and I should consider getting my emotions out that way I admitted I had been writing I left out the part about posting it all online and that it's been therapeutic for me I wish I could sit here and tell you that the last few weeks were a breeze I would love to tell you that I was thriving and living my best life after cutting off Ryan and our dad But that would be a lie. I missed my dad every single day I doubted myself wondering if I had made the right choice in walking away If I may share a story when I first started kindergarten, I hated going to school I was that kid who cried when his mom left I was very introverted and didn't want to talk to the other kids or my teacher I was scared and miserable a far cry from the sociable person I'd like to believe I've become since then I'm not sure of the exact day, but it was either after the second or third day of school that my Adoptive dad sat me down and gave me advice about giving the other kids a chance He told me that all I needed was one good day If I had one good day, I would see that everything would be okay, and I could do it again tomorrow The next day at school we got paired up for a drawing activity That was the day I met my future best friend Josh I vaguely remember we drew monsters fighting each other which was not at all the assignment But it was fun When I told my mom and dad about it after school, my dad asked me if I had a good day to which I excitedly told him Yes, I remember he smiled and told me now do it again tomorrow I know that story might not seem relevant right now, but I want people to know what an incredible father my dad was As much as it pains me to admit I don't have many memories of the lessons my dad taught me because I was so young when he died But there's one lesson I've always tried to practice whenever I'm feeling down I remind myself that all I need is one good day to be happy again, to smile again, and that things will be all right with time That's what I hoped for after walking away from Ryan and our dad One good day to prove to myself that I'll be okay The last few weeks have been tough While I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders right away It was hard to accept that my second chance at having a dad was over before it even began I considered anonymously sending my post to Ryan or my bio dad But I felt like that would be manufacturing drama and trying to force an apology I didn't want that My dad was constantly calling texting and leaving voicemails I never replied to any of them not out of spite, but just to protect myself He said a multitude of things Ryan is working on himself and taking therapy seriously We can have a separate relationship for real this time and please don't give up on me because I'll never give up on you These were all the things I wanted to hear, but they came just a bit too late It just became too much on saturday. I had an amazing night with my friends However, around 11 30 that night my dad messaged me again, and I went right back to that sad version of myself This was the second time since I walked away that I'd finally had my one good day and seeing his messages brought me back to that bad place So I finally worked up the courage to send my dad a lengthy final text because when have I ever been a man a few words, right? I thanked him for everything he had done for me, but I told him that I was done being a second string son and asked him to Please just leave me alone After that, I blocked his number in my mind. I wasn't doing it to be hurtful I just felt like I needed to close that chapter of my life and move on Even if you have read all of my posts, you'll never know the full story Ryan was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from and while I posted about the biggest moments here We did have smaller negative interactions in between that I never shared It all added up, wore me down, and I didn't even realize how truly unhappy I was until I walked away I've reread a lot of what I wrote, including the stuff I never posted, and I don't even recognize that person Specifically, with my last post here, I feel like I sound so pathetic in it I really hit a low point that I will never allow myself to reach again for anyone Even though there was obvious pain in my heart over losing my bio dad I felt like myself again shockingly soon once I cut them both off Not having to see Ryan or worry about his next move was exactly what I needed for my own sanity to return Speaking of Ryan, I hadn't heard from or talked to him for weeks But I did get an Instagram message from one of his friends who reached out to me about him They said he was upset about what happened with our dad and that I should reach out to him They were weirdly pushy about trying to get me to call Ryan and talk to him At first, I actually thought it was an April Fool's Day joke because my friends and I had been pranking each other all day But then, I felt guilty because I knew my friends would never do something like that, as they knew how devastated I was about the whole situation I messaged Ryan's friend back, giving him our dad's business number to reach out to if he was concerned about Ryan's well-being I left it at that because I really did not want to go down that rabbit hole again The very next night after I blocked my dad, I was working my usual shift at the theater I had just finished switching a soda cartridge in the lobby when I saw Ryan, walking into the building He knew my weekend schedule was always the same, so he knew I was almost off work I was instantly fuming.  I saw Ryan standing beside his truck, obviously waiting for me I thought, is he kidding me? He didn't know how to take a hint I walked past him to go to my car and told him to fuck off before he could say anything After I passed him, he said, I'm sorry, Caleb Which shocked the hell out of me Not even because he said sorry, but because for the first time ever He called me by my name, my actual name Not pretty boy, nickname of my town, popcorn scooper, or any of the other various nicknames he'd come up with for me since we met He said he knows I don't owe him anything, but asked if I would just hear him out anyway We ended up having a very long conversation I've summarized most of our conversation here, but I'm sure there are things I may have forgotten I stood opposite him while he sat on the bed of his truck because, to be honest, I didn't know if his apology was an act and if he was just waiting for an opportunity to swing at me He started off by saying his therapist suggested he write me a letter, but that's cringe and he'd rather just talk to me in person He said he freaked up and he knows that he messed up badly He went into some personal stuff regarding why he was so relentless and aggressive towards me I won't go into detail on that because I believe he said those things in confidence But after that, he told me that he doesn't hate me. He just hates what I represent I asked what he meant because that made no sense to me He said he knows no one would ever replace him in his dad's eyes But when he sees me, he can't help but think I'm the son his dad wanted and that makes him jealous He said I'm smart, hardworking, annoyingly nice, and I look and act more like him Even though he was complimenting me, he still sounded so frustrated, but more at himself instead of me You all told me in the beginning that he'd been comparing the two of us, but I never really saw it until he said it I just thought he hated me for existing, plain and simple While it in no way excuses his behavior, I couldn't help but feel for him At this point, I felt more at ease because he was being so open and honest So, I sat beside him on the bed of his truck and told him I had no interest in being the 2.0 version of our dad I'm my own person All I wanted was a relationship with our dad, to know him and have him know me I admitted to Ryan that I was jealous of him too, and that I would trade in all of the similarities I share with our dad in exchange for the childhood with him that Ryan had I know more than a few of you said I was lucky that he didn't raise me, because I would have turned out just like Ryan But I don't think it was extravagant gifts and lack of punishment that made Ryan act the way he did From what I could gather after our talk and what happened a couple of days later, that didn't start until his parents divorced I think the reason behind his abhorrent behavior towards me was just classic fear and insecurity, something that I think everyone has to deal with at some point in life I told him that whenever I was with our dad, his favorite topic to talk about was always Ryan Ryan said the same thing, that when it was the two of them, I was always the biggest topic Hearing so much about each other probably didn't help with us already disliking one another But I think our dad is just the kind of person who loves talking about his kids He did tell me once that he loves being a dad and it's been the best part of his life Yes, I know he didn't get it right a lot in this matter, but his heart was always in the right place Ryan and I realized that we actually know quite a bit about each other and what our lives were like Not because we ever talk to each other, but because our dad told us things about one another Ryan made a casual joke, saying if we actually got along and told each other stuff, our dad wouldn't even know what to talk about anymore He initially said my dad but then corrected himself to our dad, which might not seem like a huge deal But he had never said that before He'd always said my dad, my grandpa, my grandma, et cetera until then, he'd never acknowledged me as part of his family He told me that after I left their house the last time, he got grounded for the first time since his parents split up He was only allowed to go to school and back home and he wasn't allowed to play any of his games for two weeks At first, he blamed me because he didn't think it was fair that he got grounded when I was the one who punched him He says he was in denial about all his behavior leading up to that night being the main problem because he didn't want to be the bad guy But after his punishment ended, he realized I really wasn't coming back and he knew he had messed up badly I told him I would be lying to him if I apologized and set a regretted punching him because I didn't But I did tell him the truth that it didn't make me feel any better and I wasn't celebrating it then or now He asked if I changed my number I told him I didn't and that I had just blocked him weeks ago and our dad the day before He said our dad brought it up that morning thinking I had changed my number because his calls weren't going through anymore He said our dad pretends like he's okay in front of him But Ryan can see that he's not and he hates that it's his fault Ryan said that it's no secret that he wasn't happy when our dad found out about me and that he did want me gone But our dad can't just pretend I don't exist now because that's not the kind of father he is Ryan then told me that what hurts the most was that our dad doesn't look at him the same anymore When he brought it up, our dad told him that he will always love Ryan, but that it would take time to forgive him Worse than that, he told Ryan that he knows he failed both of us as a father and he was sorry for that He was taking the lion's share of the blame That made me feel horrible because I didn't want to make him feel that way We all played a part in ending up where we did Ryan and I were both to blame as well Ryan for his antagonistic behavior and me for being selfish and pushing our dad away I realize now that I absolutely needed a break from both of them But to cast my dad aside forever instead of just trying to talk about it and find a solution was cruel and hurtful When he has shown me nothing but kindness and love from day one And like I said, I never did tell him everything and how much it was affecting me He thought it was just snippy comments here and there I know why I pushed him away. I knew it then, even if I was too embarrassed to admit it to anyone I was so scared that he would decide he didn't want me in his life When I hit his precious baby boy I thought that was just going to be the beginning of the downfall of my relationship with my dad I guess I felt like I had to beat him to the punch in ending the relationship Because I convinced myself it would be easier if I was the one who walked away instead of being left behind But he wasn't going to leave me behind because I wasn't perfect and I lost my cool He showed me that in his calls and texts afterward, but I let my fear get the best of me Ryan admitted that he really did want to like me when we were supposed to meet But when I got there, he just couldn't He said we have nothing in common because I'm an outgoing jock and he's just not I'm really not a jock. I'm not sure why Ryan thinks that If we're going by stereotypes, I'm much closer to a nerd or academic than an athlete I told him that if nothing else, we both love our dad and want him to be happy And maybe that was enough common ground to start off with I also told him I have all kinds of friends and that common interests aren't a necessity to get along with someone At that point, he said that he doesn't have real friends like mine He doesn't have someone like Josh that he can rely on for anything He doesn't have the kind of friends who will have his back the way mine did after that night I did bring up that his friend reached out to me on instagram on his behalf But it didn't seem like he wanted to talk about that He asked if he could be honest about something and told me that when he was on bed rest after his appendectomy My friends and I were the only ones who showed up to see how he was doing and if he needed anything We were the only ones who hung out with him while he was bored at home All of his friends were too busy to even just drop by and he invited a girl he had a crush on But she told him she would only go if he bought her something cute to wear for him Which just instantly turned him off to her I didn't really know what to say So I just told him that sucks and he deserves someone who wants him for him and not gifts or his money He said more that essentially boiled down to feeling like he has friendships out of convenience and proximity And that he doesn't see himself sticking with his friend group after high school ends Finally, he told me what he had been planning for his 17th birthday that was in a couple of days And our dad was going to make pizza Ryan's favorite for dinner in their special pizza oven they have in the backyard He told Ryan he could invite a couple of friends But Ryan told me he'd rather have me there with them He said I could even bring josh if that made me feel more comfortable He admitted it was selfish to ask but that he doesn't want to be the reason our dad is sad all the time I asked him the day and time and told him I would think about it I made it clear to him that if I did decide to go I would not go back to fighting with him I left that all behind when I walked out of their house the last time I was there I told him that if I did go and he changed his mind after I was there He could just tell me and I would leave it didn't have to be a fighter argument He swore he wouldn't change his mind this time At that point my mom called to ask where I was I didn't even realize it but I had been talking to Ryan for an hour past the end of my shift So I told her I was on my way home Ryan asked if we're supposed to shake hands or bump forearms. He's seen josh and I do that a lot I told him I think I was just going to go to my car tonight if that's okay I wasn't really ready for physical contact with him yet. He said he hoped to see me in a couple of days As I was walking away, he called out to me to apologize again It's really weird hearing him say my name to be honest and to say that it was all his own issues that he had to deal with And that he's still dealing with That really stuck with me and I think that's what ultimately convinced me to go I don't know if he's seeing the same therapist we saw together But whoever he's seeing must have really gotten through to him I've seen Ryan manipulate our father's emotions many times I know what his face looks like when he's just looking for sympathy I know the inflection of his voice when he's putting on his poor me act This wasn't it He wasn't performing during our talk Even though he was being open and honest, I could see that all of it was hard for him to do He did his best to maintain eye contact even though he was showing his vulnerability There were a few times I could hear the nervousness in his voice when he was struggling to get the words out This wasn't prince ryan the spoiled and angry rich boy. I'd come to know in the last few months It was just ryan a 16 year old kid who messed up and was now swallowing his pride to try to make amends I couldn't help but respect that I told ryan that I changed my mind and I was sorry about punching him and I meant it I guess seeing him show so much humility thought me out a bit I've always said that I knew ryan wasn't a one note jerk and I could see the good in him when he interacted with other people But this was the first time that goodness was directed towards me I realized we're not going to get anywhere if I don't try to let go of the anger and hurt he caused me and admit that I made mistakes too. We said good night to each other and I went home Just to be clear ryan's birthday already passed. It was on tuesday So while I've always appreciated advice it is not needed in this case as the event has already happened I'm not trying to keep anyone in suspense. So I'll say here that there was no drama It was not an act or trick by ryan. The dinner went very well I'll let you guys know how that went tomorrow, but I've got plans with my friends in a bit So I can't write out everything at the moment I'm happy to read this update as the last post truly felt sad I would advise remaining positively optimistic about the ryan situation You know him better than any of us and I always had the suspicion Especially since the post where he made the comment on the therapy session about his parents divorce It seemed that he had unresolved issues about it and part of it was now influencing the way he acted towards you I don't think I can add any advice on how to deal with ryan Other than telling your dad that if you and ryan are to mend bridges and properly build any sort of relationship He needs to stay out of it and leave you two to do it at your own pace If you haven't done it already, I strongly advise you to have a one-on-one heart to heart with your dad Perhaps at a park with your mom on standby if that makes you feel more at ease During this conversation, you can tell your dad all the things you've posted or haven't posted about Make it clear that this wasn't to guilt him or as a way to get ryan in further trouble But for him to learn from and improve on I know i'm just another internet stranger, but I wish you success in everything in your life Caleb and I hope you enjoy your plans with your friends today My dad and I did talk on tuesday We didn't have the chance to have a full heart to heart or anything But he did give us both some assurances about exactly what you suggested here He wants to talk one-on-one still, but i'm nervous as hell about that I don't even know why I can tell a bunch of strangers everything, but when it comes to the people I actually need to say it too I get scared of saying things out loud. I don't know. I guess I have to work on that I was going to post about the dinner in this post, but I didn't really have the time And I kind of needed a break from thinking about all this anyway I did have a great time with my friends tonight. Thanks for the well wishes There's a quote from a song I really like that says if it weren't for second chances We'd all be alone I guess with ryan it would be closer to the 32nd chance, but the essence of the quote still applies I wasn't actually alone But I had lost a whole side of my family that I had just discovered People that I didn't really want to lose or spend my life without knowing I know it's just blood and shared dna, but I still wanted to have a connection to my dad and grandparents I'm also still open to having a biological brother somewhere down the line too if things continue to look up After my talk with ryan, I went home and told my mom what happened She actually thought I was joking at first when I told her all the things ryan said Minus the private stuff I mentioned in my last post She asked if I was sure he was being sincere and I said I'm positive that he was I went back and forth on whether or not to go. I weighed the pros and cons in my head I'm not completely naive. I know ryan's motives in inviting me were partly self-serving But to be honest, so were mine by the end of everything last month In the beginning, I was eager to meet ryan and be his friend But as time went on, it became more about trying to just be cordial solely because I didn't want to lose my dad And even now, it's not at all easy to just forget everything ryan did, but I did want my dad back in my life I thought about posting here the day after I talked with ryan But honestly, I didn't want anyone to give me advice I don't mean to say you all haven't been helpful because you have been so many times in the past But when I really thought about it, I didn't want to be swayed one way or another about whether to go or not I didn't want to be given any influence on how to approach things if I did go I wanted it to be a genuine attempt between ryan and myself So in the end, I decided to go alone Both my mom and josh wanted to go, but I told them I needed to do this on my own I promised my mom that I wasn't getting my hopes up and if it went sideways I would come straight home and that would be the end of it and I would be okay I know she still didn't want me to go, but I think it was fear of me getting hurt again more than anything else I got to the house a little early and knocked ryan answered the door He actually looked happy to see me and said he was glad I made it It's pretty funny because all I could think at the time was that his greeting was literally the nicest thing he had ever said to me Before that, I'm pretty sure it was just hey without any nickname after it I gave him a birthday card with a playstation gift card in it I don't usually like giving gift cards as a gift because I feel like it's impersonal But I was torn between not wanting to put too much effort in and not wanting to show up to a birthday celebration without a gift I asked where our dad was and ryan said he was at the store picking up ingredients for the pizzas I've probably seen too many movies because the quiet empty house and dad not being there did make me a bit uneasy For just a second. I was honestly a bit worried ryan might have brought me there just to end me He asked if I wanted to play some games while we waited for dad I agreed as long as it wasn't competitive So he put on a game where we were on the same team for once at first It was a bit awkward being alone with him, but within a couple of matches I got the hang of the game and we were fine Conversation was minimal He mentioned what he did for his birthday with his mom and talked about how much better the pizza cooked in their wood-fired oven Was compared to regular pizza Eventually our dad arrived home yelling out for ryan and asking if that was my car outside He walked into the game room and we locked eyes. I had a whole speech planned out But when I saw him all I could muster was hi I forgot everything else. I wanted to say He came up to me and hugged me and honestly it was the best hug of my life He tried not to cry apologizing for everything and expressing how happy he was to see me I told him that ryan had invited me to have dinner with them Our dad hugged ryan thanking him ryan apologized to our dad for causing him so much pain Acknowledging that it had been his mistake to fix. They had their own moment before my dad brought me into their hug He was overjoyed. I wish everyone could feel at least once in their life What his face told me he felt in that moment, but I won't lie as nice as it was I felt a bit uncomfortable being so physically close to ryan I made a joke about being promised pizza if I came So we all went outside At first it was quiet, but within a short time the tension eased and we were having casual conversations and a nice meal We even shared a few laughs for the first time. There was no fighting during dinner We told our dad that we talked and I think he was really proud of both of us. He was so happy ryan's aunt and grandparents on his mom's side Face timed him to wish him a happy birthday So he went inside to talk to them for a bit while he was gone My dad and I finally got to talk. I told him how much it hurt that he never stood up for me He looked ashamed and apologized saying he thought it was just small comments at dinner Which from his perspective was true I never told him about any private moments between ryan and me and I'm sure ryan hadn't either He thought I was brushing off those comments and didn't realize how badly they affected me Regardless, he should have protected me.  He said he could explain his reasoning But didn't want me to think he was making excuses as he knew there was no excuse for his failure He shared that when he and ryan's mom told ryan they were getting a divorce ryan didn't handle it well He accused them of not loving him and breaking their family up It broke our dad's heart So he started overcompensating by showering ryan with affection and leniency when he acted out He got so used to treating ryan a certain way that it just became normal and natural to him He reiterated that it's not an excuse and he should have learned a lot quicker that he now has two boys And ryan won't be given leniency for his bad behavior anymore He asked me for just one more chance to show me that he's changed I'm really hoping he never has to prove it at least with ryan But of course, I told him I would give him that chance This was our first fight and while I feel I was completely justified in walking away when I did It didn't have to be forever like I thought If ryan and our dad are both willing to admit their mistakes and try to be better, why wouldn't I give it another shot? My dad made me promise him that I wouldn't hide my feelings from him and that I would tell him if I wasn't okay His reasoning was that it's not my job to worry about him or protect his feelings It's his job to worry about and protect me He said that I'm a strong young man and that he knows I can handle a lot But that I don't always have to try to be an adult about everything and that it was okay to just let myself Be a kid for a few more years Hearing him say that got to me I was never an emotional person before all this after my adoptive dad died I sort of became numb to emotional pain. It was like nothing could hurt more than that So as I got older, I just started pushing all my feelings aside and prioritizing logic over emotion But I think I inherited my bio dad sensitivity gene and meeting him somehow activated it because I've cried more times in the past Four months than I have since I was a child But I'm no longer embarrassed about that because it feels so liberating to not keep all the pain bottled up anymore When it was time for me to leave, they both walked me to my car Our dad promised both of us that he wouldn't try to force us to hang out not even just for a weekly dinner He said we could tell him if we were ready to do any group activities And we didn't have to be ready at the same time. We could each tell him separately if we reached that point I told our dad that while I'm willing to open the door again I'm not going to be driving to see him every week My focus is going to be on school until the school year is over Once summer hits, I'll have a lot more free time and we can see about spending more time together He understood and agreed I wished ryan a happy birthday again He thanked me for the card and for coming. He asked if we could start over I said yes, and I offered him a forearm bump which he accepted and then I left I won't lie. I'm still incredibly nervous that this shift in ryan's behavior won't last I feel bad for saying it, but even though I am serious about starting with a clean slate It is really hard to look at him and not remember all the things he said and did I think that's what's keeping me from being over the moon like I've been in the past Mentally, I'm not the same person I was four months ago I lost that part of me that was excited to have a dad and brother But I'm cautiously optimistic that maybe things will work out My fears and lack of excitement are something I have to deal with on my own I do still want this to work, and the vibe with both of them really felt a lot lighter So I'm willing to give them a second and 30 second chance Ryan has been texting me the past few days, so I guess things are looking up He even sent me a meme about us being children of a lawyer So I think he's starting to finally see me as a brother It's hard to explain over text, but I really do see a change in him Well, it's not even a change, honestly It's more of him just letting go of his anger A few months ago, I said I wanted to meet the person he is to everyone else I think I'm finally starting to get to see that person when we talk Forgiveness is supposed to be hard, but in this situation, Ryan and our dad are making it easier than it probably should be I had given up and resigned myself to a life without my father or bio brother But now, we may just be on our way to a better outcome because Ryan took the first step to make amends Maybe every year really does make us not just older, but wiser too Maybe even a little kinder It was his birthday He could have asked our dad for anything he wanted, and I know he would have gotten it Instead, he chose to give me and our dad a gift in the form of a second chance at a Fathersen relationship So I think we've hit the end of the road for now I know I'm a hypocrite because I've said that about three times now But I really do need to take a step back and just live my life for a little bit As I said above, I'm focusing on trying to finish off the school year strong I don't plan on driving to the city for any visits anytime soon My dad does want to have a longer talk in person, just the two of us, which I plan on doing But even though I'm nervous to talk to him, I'm sure that's gonna be fine I think for right now, I'm gonna keep my interactions with both of them mostly, if not completely, limited to text messaging That seems to be working out for right now One final note, because things seem to be heading in a more positive direction I am worried again that Ryan may see my posts someday I think it's unlikely, but I don't want it to undo any progress we may make So I'm making a promise to myself right now that if things continue to go well between us for the next couple of months Then I will tell him about all of this the first week of July I just don't want any of this to come back and bite me in the ass someday I'd rather he hear it directly from me instead of being blindsided I hope you all have an incredible Easter if you celebrate it And thanks again for every word of advice, support, and for sharing your own experiences with me Maybe you'll hear from me again someday For now, I'm just gonna take life as it comes and deal with it Ideally as a team with my family, both the biological and chosen members of that family Thank you for taking this journey with me Caleb, thank you so much for sharing your story with us You are a wonderful writer, and not just for someone your age Maybe something to consider as you continue your education Best of luck in all you do I'm sure I speak for many when I say we willingly accept any updates But we also respect any choice to stay away and live your life After this, there will be only one more post to conclude this I'm definitely not going to be making any more posts after that I think part of our clean slate needs to be me not putting everything out there I'm writing about my life, but it's also Ryan's life too I need to start respecting his right to privacy Even if everything came falling apart tomorrow, I would stay off Reddit And try to work through it in person before anything else I appreciate your words, though Thankfully, I'm not here to report on anything bad There was definitely an adjustment period and some difficult talks all around But we worked through it, and we're all in a much better place now I thought I'd give you guys an update on how everyone is doing And some stuff that's happened since my last post Remember when I said I was worried Ryan's change of heart wouldn't last? I'm happy to confirm that was not the case He and I slowly talked over text He was a bit upset early on because he said he was always the one texting me And I never texted him unless I was replying to him That's true I was still skeptical of him, but again, that was my own issue to work out I made more of an effort to reach out to him after that We then moved to gaming together online It was mainly just the two of