think was what I would wonder. 5, 6, 6.7 some point 10.5 for the graph. Still not bad. Synthetics still not bad. 10%. So pretty bad. But I will have you notice is that this I've been looking at the one hour. And we may we start to make like a little bit of recovery. So as Bitcoin and Ethereum up 2.3 in last hour, 2.5, 1.7, 1.6. And just to just for giggles, look at that drop. Weepoo. 25, 6, 4, 9. I was 26. So wow, we were all down to 25 at one point. Look at that. Congratulations everybody. That's quite a bit of a dip. And then so we have that. And what I'd like to do is because Ben's always talking about it. Let's be honest. I will say Ben is very adamant about this. We take a look at the Bitcoin. The big just we're going to put it into Bitcoin, I should say, excuse me. And we can see that right now. Actually, the altar is holding up okay. I mean, not too bad. Ethereum is at 0.5, 24 hours. Solanas against is not bleeding yet. Tron, I have to preface it with this. Let's be honest. All of these altcoins have have have bled pretty badly against Bitcoin. It's just like right now, it's not doesn't seem like it's taken much of a hit. But I think that may change. And we can see that some things are doing pretty good. Some things not so good. God, look at all these stable coins. Binance, USD, die, wrapped is wrapped. I would say either USD coin, 4.8% flight of Dow, 4.7 quants up and so forth. So yeah, so right now not too awful. And actually, it was a little bit worse. I did this recording a couple of hours ago. And I just said, Hey, what's going on? Bitcoin's going down against the alt. Did Grayscale lose the case or something? Because everybody's waiting for this, this Grayscale versus SEC lawsuit to be finalized. And I don't think it's going to happen. Maybe it happens tomorrow. I don't know. Maybe that's always thing. I was like, maybe somebody knows something. Maybe somebody has been inside information where Grayscale lost in some way. And people started to take out of Bitcoin. But Ben did make a good point here. When Bitcoin drops quickly, dominance can temporarily stall or go down. But once the market digest the move, usually a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, all Bitcoin pairs plummet. All right. So we'll see how it goes. I got to tell you, I'm actually hoping for that. I know that's not something you should root for.  Because I know, I think I know where we're going. Let's be honest, I know there's a crystal ball. But I think in 2024, 2025, we're going to have a pretty good year. So if I could just be nice, if these things start to collapse a little bit, and maybe this dollar cost average that I'm doing, maybe I get some much cheaper stuff. Now, I don't want to be dollar cost averaging and buying the dip until I get all dipped out. But in all honesty, I'm ready for it. And that's pretty much the show. So the question then is why? And there's a couple of reasons potentially. So this is from WatcherGuro, China's property giant Evergrande filed for bankruptcy. I thought it was crazy because today on the NFA live show, me and Guy Ben, we actually, that was what we discussed. Specifically, I even talked about Evergrande and I said how much they were in debt. And I was just surprised that the debt to GDP ratio with which what China has is 258% versus America right now, we have a national debt of $32 trillion. And our debt to GDP is roughly 118%. China is doing much worse right now. And I just I just said, I was like, well, how long can this go, especially for the broad money supply? And we saw that China has been printing up into the right for quite some time. I mean, same thing with us, but we're America. That's what we do here. So I know that's a pretty lame, lame reason, but it's just the truth. So just because WatcherGuro says it doesn't mean it's true until you see it in Reuters. So China Evergrande seeks chapter 15 protection in Manhattan bankruptcy court. Evergrande is one of the largest, if not the largest real estate construction company in China. And once you have something like that collapse, that's just like a 2008-2009 financial crisis that we had in the United States. Once you see the real estate market collapse, you've got problems globally. This is what we got. The world's most heavily indebted property developer, Canada's most childhood Chinese property crisis on Thursday, followed for protection from creditors in a U.S. bankruptcy court. Seems like everybody hates on the United States until they got to file bankruptcy. Then they actually want to go to the United States because we're so good at filing for it. And of course, there's a lot of protections for corporations. The company saw protection on chapter 15, which shields non-U.S. companies that are undergoing restructuring from creditors that hope to sue them or tie up assets in the U.S. So of course, now we're on the hook for that. In affiliates, Tianji Holdings nailed it, also sought chapter 15 protection on Thursday in bankruptcy court. Evergrande's filing comes down to growing fears that problems in China's property sector could spread to other parts of the country's economy as growth slows. And fortunately, this sector, real estate's debt crisis accounts for 40% of Chinese home sales have defaulted. But companies accounting for 40% of Chinese home sales have defaulted. I can't say that any clearer. That is not looking good for China. And it'll have a ripple effect globally, let's just be honest. Evergrande recently had $330 billion of liabilities, rookie numbers. A late 2021 default triggered a strong defaults at other builders, resulting in thousands of unfinished homes across China. And it's not just Evergrande. On Monday, it's electric vehicle, China Evergrande, new energy vehicle group announced its own proposed restructuring, as that business also collapses. So here is reason number one, potentially. Everybody's going to be freaked out. And there's only one market that's open 24-7, 365 besides Forex. That is crypto and digital assets. Congratulations. We are exit liquidity for people who are in traditional finance who are looking for an out. And that's okay. Look, we cannot change the events that unfold. The only thing that we can change is our reaction to them. So if we have this happening, how do you want to respond? You have to really think about this. Is this a time to panic and say, well, it's going to zero. This is awful. Or is it a time to sit back, reflect, and assess the situation and think to yourself, okay, is this really going to go to zero? How much is this going to affect me and my family? What is the next best move for myself and everybody around me? I think that is the bigger question. For me, I can't tell you what to do. I'm not your dad. I'm not your financial advisor, obviously. But for me, I always look around and I say to myself, these are big opportunities. Now, does that mean I'm going to sell my house right now and roll it all into Bitcoin? No, it's a measured response. I think that's the most important thing that we can do here instead of flying off the handle, going crazy and saying the world's going to end, or I'm going all in. But again, you're welcome to do whatever you want to do. So that's reason number one. Also, I just saw this little gem, Elon Musk. So it looks like they may have sold some Bitcoin. The article is a little bit confusing to me. Maybe people smarter than me can help me. But SpaceX wrote down $373 million worth of Bitcoin acquired in 2021, 2022. Here's what we got. According to an August 7 report in the Wall Street Journal, SpaceX recorded $373 million worth of Bitcoin holding on its balance sheet in 2021-22. But it's since written down its value and has sold the crypto. And this last sentence, it gets me. However, it hasn't been confirmed whether the entire $373 million stash was actually sold. However, according to Tesla's second quarter earnings report in 2023, the firm had sold all but 184 million worth of its Bitcoin holdings. When people hear about big, huge players such as Elon Musk selling, they freak out. It's the same response that people get when Elon Musk tweets about how great Dogecoin is and Dogecoin goes up. So if you're going to play the Russian roulette with Elon Musk, then this is the response that you might get. Tesla reported it had liquidated more than 30,000 Bitcoin in the second quarter of 2022 for $936 million, roughly 75% of its original $1.5 billion Bitcoin holdings. I got to tell you, I don't know if that's a mistake waiting to happen for them, but time will only tell. If that Bitcoin price goes to where I think it's going to go in 2024-2025, I think Tesla's going to hope they had held on to it. But again, it's up to them. They're not going to diamond hands. That's what it is. And then lastly, just to finish up, I don't know if this is good news or bad news, quite honestly, but Donald Trump says he will not reappoint Jerome Powell as Federal Reserve Chair if re-elected as president. Look, Jay Powell did a pretty good job so far as far as reducing the inflation rate. We're not where we're at right now. He's kind of crushing the economy and it's really hurting those low- to middle-income families. I know it. I see it. But in all honesty, he's doing what he's supposed to do. Did he do it too late? Yeah, I think so, but that's not the point here. So if Donald Trump does get in, then that's what's going to happen. So I just thought, Jay Powell was nice knowing you if he does get in, but who knows? And then lastly, we just did a, we finally, after three months, we just did a video over on Dan Degen, which I took a look at Wreck League, which is a very, it's a, I'm big on gaming in the next cycle. This is the first fighting game in Web 3, AAA ranked game, rated game, and it's going to be released in like three weeks. And I just did my little review on that. So you can check it out. There's a link in the description. Looks good. I've already bought my NFTs and going from there. But again, you know, who knows what's going to happen in the future and let's see what we got. Who knows what's happening right now. So that's it for today. So look, I just want to give you a little insight as to what is going on. I don't think it's the whole hum big run for the Hills type of event. That'll come later. Just kidding. So that's it for today. So look, thanks so much for stopping by. I do appreciate you. If you liked today's video, give it a thumbs up, consider subscribing. Now we're going to go into 15 or 20 minutes of a little Q&A. I'll answer all your questions, the best of my abilities. And we'll go from there and just remember that Rome wasn't built in the day and these things are bound to happen. And if you've been like me, it's just a Thursday. All right. So what do we have today? Mohamed, I will have nailed it. What's going on? Nothing. It's like Bitcoin's down like seven, eight percent, something like that. People are freaking out. Just wanted to come on here and calm everybody down. Master Blaschus is big bounce. I like that. What do we got? Let me put this in the dollar. It was a pretty big bounce. Baster, you're right. I mean, we went all the way dropped from 27.6 to 25.649. I have to be honest with you, I did buy a little Bitcoin around 26 something because I was like, I think I'm feeling pretty good. That was my extra DCA. It already executed before. I don't think I know I didn't get it. I know I got it around here today, but whatever. You can't sign them all. So a little bit of bounce. Pretty happy about that. Great.  I had shorts open earlier. I don't know what caused this quick pullback. My entire trading portfolio just did a one and a half X and three trades. Congratulations. Wow. Good for you. BNB, Bitcoin and Link all closed down. See, there you go. There's an example of traders doing well. I'm glad to hear that. Philip says, hi, do you think Bitcoin is going on to 15,000? You know, back in the day when it was around 17, I thought it could go to around 12, 13,000. And I was wrong. It only went to like 15, 6. So do I think it could still go down? Anything's possible. And we've taken a look at the yield curve inversion. We've taken a look at credit card debt is almost at $1 trillion here in America. We'll also take a look at the default rate for said credit cards. And when you take a look at that, you take a look at the wages that are pretty much stagnant and inflation kind of sticky, you can see that we are on a path towards a potential recession. If we have a recession, risk assets take the hit first, and then we go down. But that could be in three months, six months, nine months, I'm not for sure. So that's where we're at. But 15,000, anything's possible. And I got to be honest with you, that will be sweet. It happened. Master Blasher said it's crashes over. It's all coming up. Well, there you go. My job here is done. I did it. We did it. Rob, what's that worker device in the corner? That's a green screen. But if it was not a green screen, that's a spin bike. And it's just a resistance bands. Resistance bands are great because you know, I don't have the room to throw on like a bench and a squat rack and heavy weights, stuff like that. Bands are fine. Hey, naughty jackal. Dynamic DCA, quite dynamic today. Very true. When we get out of the risk bands, that's when you want to do it. And sorry, right now, if I'm kind of breaking up a little bit, my computer's a little bit hot. So it's having a problem. Ty Boy says, are you still DCing at a mill? I've bought all my mill that I can possibly want to buy. And I'm actually a stake pull operator for a mill. And I still believe in that project. Ken Oling was just on the show a little bit ago. And it's doing good. There was a hiccup. It looks like the money transmitter. One of the third parts of this money transmission. I know I said this wrong. But they came back and they said, you know what, there's too much risk for us that they're trying to find another bank. So we'll see how it works out. Yeah. Welcome to the path of Max Payne. Hello, everybody. Look, I think most of us are pros here for crypto. This shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, it's still kind of jarring when you see it. But you're like, oh, that's just, that's what we're normal. And I think the problem is because we've been so stagnant, so steady for so long. I think Tej just kind of woke us up like, oh, remember, you're in crypto. China is feeling like crazy. China's got a lot of problems. There's a great video from Ben Shapiro, where he lays out five reasons of why China will collapse, which is a which is a vast difference between him and Ray Dalio. And it makes a lot of sense. And a lot of those is the rapidly aging population, the massive debt that they have accumulated, the problems that they have with the workforce getting older, and microchips. There's one more, but it makes a lot of sense and we'll see how it works out. I think they have a lot of problems that they had to rectify quickly. And if they was pretty bearish again, that's what it is. Sorry.  And then you, you watch these, like I did this too in 2017 and 2018, I watched so many videos, which was always like, this is going to be awesome. You just got a, you know, tomorrow is going to be great. Or just next week, there's this new story that just came out, never worked out. So like, if I'm bearish, guys bearish, Ben's bearish. And the day that we actually turn bullish would be more of a legitimate day that things are actually bullish, or you can just listen to the people that are permanently bullish all the time and like, oh yeah, you know, the SEC just won the case against Ripple, that's bullish for Bitcoin. Or the SEC just did this, or grayscale just lost, bullish for Bitcoin.  Let's just be, let's just call it a spade of spade. Why is the Mexican peso doing so well against US dollar? This is what my wife said, she came back from Juarez and she's like, yeah, she's like, I got to tell you, it's way easier shopping over there. Well, she's from Juarez, Mexico originally. And she's like, it's the dollar goes way farther. And I'm like, that's because the dollar is weak. So if you look at the DXY, we can see that it's actually going down. It might have stabilized a little bit, but yeah. Thanks, future. Mr. Trogner says, Trump tried a coup, which could have ended America, but he gets in again, he will not make the same mistake. Probably not. He sold a lot of those NFTs though, let's say that got 500 million, and I think in, I said 500 million, he's got a lot of Ethereum, that's all I know. Just on the glorious day in crypto. Yeah, that's it guys. I think, I think we know we're at, I buy the most when I see red, Daniel, I'll be back there in the next month. China has a 5% growth even after all this, how are we doing growth wise? Well, you gotta remember, they had a one child policy from 1980 to 2016, 2014, excuse me. So right now, usually demographics, it'll look bottom heavy, mid to bottom heavy, where you have, you know, individuals that on the, on the younger slope. And then as we get up to the 60s, 70s and 80s, it kind of thins out. Well, in China, it's a little bit different. It's actually middle heavy. They got most of their population between 35 and 55 years old. And unfortunately, if you have a totalitarian, totalitarian government with a one party system, and they make sure that it relies on the backs of the Chinese people, once you get too old, what are you going to do? So they may have, they may have a growth, but that's because they lifted that one child policy ban in 2014, 2015. I think that's why they have growth. Every time a population, every time a GDP, something different. All right. Yes, exactly. Okay. That's it. My sorry, guys, my computer's going a little bit crazy. I'm kind of glitching out, but that's it for today. So look, remember, if you liked this video, thumbs up, subscribe. Again, we see a blip Evergrande in China. Looks like they're going to bankruptcy Evergrande and it's probably going to have a ripple effect throughout the economy. Globally, we're going to see some, some choppy times.  And that's it. So that's it for today. So thanks so much, everybody. I appreciate it. And I'll see you guys on the next one. Adios.


When I signed up for chemical engineering, not all my friends got it. But ever since I fell in love with chemistry in high school, it's been all about the molecules for me.  Cancer affects all of us, especially the ones that come back over and over again, the highly aggressive and recurrent ones, the ones that define medical treatment, even when we throw our best drugs at them. Engineering, at the molecular level, working at the smallest of scales, can provide powerful new ways of fighting the most aggressive forms of cancer. Now, these highly aggressive and recurrent tumors can occur in many kinds of cancer. High-grade ovarian cancer strikes a special chord with me because we've made very little progress in addressing the disease. It's often discovered at late stages when it's highly advanced. And after the first round of treatment, this cancer comes back for 75% of patients. At the core of these highly aggressive and recurrent tumors are genetic mutations. These cancer cells undergo changes in their genes that allow them to survive even the presence of the poisons we know as chemo drugs. These genetic mutations encode for new and unimagined modes of survival that allow them to persist even in the presence of our most aggressive drugs. For example, one gene creates a protein that sits at the cell membrane and allows the cell to pump out the molecule before it has an opportunity to take effect. The cell effectively spits out the drug. This is just one example of the many ways in which cancer can get out of chemotherapy treatment, all the result of mutant genes. Now, it turns out there is a way to turn off a gene. The key is a set of molecules known as SIRNA. SIRNA are short sequences of genetic code that guide the cell to block a gene. Each SIRNA molecule can be designed to block a specific gene inside the cancer cell, but there is a problem. SIRNA works well inside of cells, but if it gets exposed to the natural enzymes in the bloodstream or in our tissues, it degrades within seconds. It has to be packaged protected on its journey through the body to reach the cancer cell. We have to find a way to do this. Our strategy is a one-two punch to the cancer cell. First, we'll dose it with SIRNA to turn off those tumor-defense genes, then we'll give it the chemo drug to kill it, but we need a package to carry that out. Using molecular engineering, we design a nanosize package, a nanoparticle so small that it can go through the bloodstream, penetrate the tumor tissues, and get taken up by the cancer cell. We start with the nanoparticle core, a tiny capsule that contains the chemotherapy drug. This is the toxin that will ultimately end the tumor cell's life. Around it, we wrap a nanometers-thin layer of SIRNA. This is our gene blocker. Because SIRNA is strongly negatively charged, we can protect it by wrapping a positively charged polymer around it. The two molecularly charged layers stick together and create a protective layer that keeps the SIRNA from degrading in the bloodstream. Now, our bodies have a natural immune defense system. That picks out things that don't belong in the bloodstream and eliminates them. We have to disguise our nanoparticle so that it can persist in the bloodstream. So we add one more additional negatively charged layer around the nanoparticle, and now we have something that looks something like the amazing Govstopper, that candy with all the many layers of sugar on it. Now, this final layer is actually a natural, highly hydrated polysaccharide. And it actually creates an invisibility cloaking effect by creating a cloud of water molecules around the nanoparticle, allowing the nanoparticle to travel long and far enough in the bloodstream to reach the tumor tissue without getting eliminated first. Once in the tumor, the nanoparticle binds to the tumor cell and is taken up inside. Once inside the cancer cell, these nanolayers dissolve away. First, the SIRNA is released for several hours, allowing enough time to block the tumor defense genes. Then we have a cancer cell with no special defenses when the chemo drug is released, we kill it cleanly and efficiently. We've tried these systems out in animals. First, we dosed the mice contained with tumors with a nanoparticle containing the chemo therapy drug alone. It turns out that this slow tumor growth, but they still doubled over a two-week period. Then we tried our combination nanoparticle with SIRNA against the drug pump and the chemo drug, and the tumors not only stopped growing, they were regressing. The fascinating thing about this approach is that it can be personalized. You can put different SIRNA molecules in the layers to block different genes. You can introduce different drugs into the nanoparticle core. With genetics tests, we can determine which patients can benefit from this strategy. This personalized superweapon might be used to address neurological disorders, bone and wound healing, or infectious disease. Using tiny molecular engineering approaches, we can have a huge impact on human health. Thank you.


do your research do your research do your research go do your research do your research as i always say do your research do your research my last thing is just take some time for yourself don't waste your money wasted money but it gives you all these little pearls you know like just kind of buzzwords on what you will see on the pants which is our certification test all right you guys so i have three untold tips that no one is talking about that will definitely help you do amazingly well in your pa school interview wear the colors of the school that you're interviewing for do your research be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be sometimes you have to pass on the things that look really really good to get to something that is great if you're in higher education make sure you take some time for yourself if you're in life take some time for yourself go out there have some fun decompress and then get back to work it's it's a lot it's a lot a lot of studying a lot of hard work but it is well worth it do i need a bachelor's degree or four-year degree to get into pa school yes that is the answer yes yes yes you need a degree with a little bit of a caveat did you like that a caveat things like scribes and um you know psrs which is what i did where i was just entering information isn't necessarily as appealing as somebody who's actually dealing with like directly with the patient for those of you who are still in school in your pa journey for your first semester or you haven't started yet or you're going to start next week i am with you guys i remember that time i remember midterms and you guys are going to make it i have the utmost faith in you definitely make sure that you have a great support system in your life and also make sure that you tell them that you're appreciative of them i need you to know you are awesome on average a pa makes about a hundred and two thousand dollars a year number one you've got to start your personal statement was something that's immediately immediately going to capture their attention to the point where they're going to want to keep reading and i know when they say oh you know they want a minimum of 3.0 yes they want the minimum that's like the minimum that you can actually get to apply but they really aren't looking for the minimum they're looking for higher than that minimum because they want people who come into their programs to dispelster their programs five simple ways that you are going to smash your group interviews don't be scared go with your gut don't be rude don't be fake don't compare yourself comparing yourself with other people is just so totally completely useless when it comes down to it it's about how are you providing care be be you an np and md or pa if you're providing poor care then you suck like you're a horrible provider know how long you want to be in school if you're not about being in school eight to twelve years don't be a physician if they're not willing to answer those questions that's probably not a school that you want to attend you know if they're trying to be shady about oh their accreditation status okay no you don't want to be there both parties in the relationship have to understand what it's going to take to become a pa what it's going to take from you to just maintain your grades and what it's going to take from them to help and support you on this path there are three things that i do believe that you should absolutely do if you want to be a pa so fill out a cast application or create one if you haven't already done so number two is to go ahead and take your g r a because most schools or every school should be transitioning into a graduate level pa program by the year 2021 and then thirdly go ahead and get your health care experience in and shadow some pa's as well i did not know who the founder of the profession was like are you seriously not and you're trying to be a pa and you don't know the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots the roots own fire go to a pa's website they will have information on the history of the pa profession the founders the first military guys that went into the pa program and just get all that information people won't understand you know like you cannot make them understand or believe what you're saying all you can do is be true to yourself you cannot make them understand or believe what you're saying all you can do is be true to yourself nothing the thin line between humility and there is a thin very very thin line when you guys get into pa school know that you are going to be constantly learning which is a good thing your knowledge is going to be expanding and just prepare yourself for that because it is not an easy road but you can definitely do it stay motivated anyone who is in med school pa school np whatever your level of education is right now your level of schooling is stay motivated make sure you like the program make sure you like the actual course work because that is something that I like to persevere word of the day never too old to go after your desires you're never too old to go after what is going to be a betterment of your life in your family's life and if that is pa school and do it don't let age stop you I want minority students to understand and know that hey there's a huge landscape in health care and the pa profession is one of them that needs more of them in it the only way you will fail is if you quit so don't quit okay don't quit you guys keep moving keep trucking and you will be able to accomplish anything that you put your mind to I'm glad that I'm able to just bring you guys on this journey with me like it's it's been quite a ride thus far and it's really humbling and it's really um just a blessing that I'm able to share this with you all and I'm able to experience it and so I want to thank you guys so much for joining me on this journey and thank you guys so much for supporting me and um we have many more to come and we have another white coat to come in two years so um we're looking forward to the long white coat uh when that happens um again just stay motivated stay committed stay faithful and you guys will go far


Well, first, welcome to the show, Bob. It's great to have you. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Now, Johnny and I have talked a lot about the Harvard study of adult development on the show. Probably over the years, our audience has heard us in various forms discussing it and its points as relevant to our reason for starting the show, building great relationships. And I was laughing with Johnny because I think there's a lot of misconceptions around the study. So we posted a video on TikTok. One of our guests, Arthur Brooks, was talking about the study.  What could we learn from a bunch of white, rich men 100 years ago? Right, right, right, right. Yeah. So I think it'd be really helpful to first just set up the study itself and talk about what the study is about. Because I think people have heard about it in pop culture. It's been thrown around. But I don't think very many people actually know how the study is run and what actually is going on behind the scenes. Great. And I'm really glad to be able to clear up some of these myths. So let me tell you about the study. It started in 1938. And it started actually as two separate studies that didn't even know about each other. One was a study of Harvard undergraduates, 19-year-old sophomores, who were chosen by their deans as being fine-upstanding young men. But half of them were on scholarship, had to work at least part of their way through school. So mostly middle, some upper-middle-class families, not so many wealthy people. But still, obviously a privileged group. That was one-third, 268 young men. The other study was started at Harvard Law School by Sheldon Gluck and his wife, Eleanor Gluck, who were studying juvenile delinquency. And they were studying why children from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families managed to stay on reasonably good developmental paths. So they were studying why some kids managed not to become juvenile delinquents, even though they were born with so much against them. Those were not just the poorest kids, but the kids whose families were so troubled that they were known to on average five social service agencies for domestic violence, alcoholism, severe mental illness. So we're not talking privileged here. More than half of them were from immigrant families. So I just want to clear that up because it's really important that two-thirds of these kids were actually among the poorest and the most troubled of the population of Boston in 1938. And then since then, so they were all men, right? But then we brought in first the spouses of our first generation, and then all the children are more than half women. So now we have more than half of our study subjects are women. And it's still ongoing, correct? Yeah. We're collecting data even as we speak. Yeah. So I think that's a huge takeaway because as it gets talked about in pop culture, it's easy to write it off for those exact reasons that we talked about. But it's a longitudinal study. So how is this different than most studies that we think about when we think about social sciences? That's what's so rare about it. Most studies of human life are snapshots where we ask people to remember the past or we test them at a moment in their lives. What's really different is to study the same people over and over again, year after year after year as they go through their whole lives from teenage years into their 90s. A few are still over 100. I mean, so to follow people for this long is absolutely unheard of, and it means that you get to see how life progresses. You get to see how intimate relationships go up and down in their satisfaction. You get to see how happiness varies depending on whether your kids are living at home or they're launched. There's so many things that change that morph and change in our lives, and that's what this study lets us do. And if I'm a participant in the study, what does the interview process actually look like? Because I think we've also heard of studies that are a few questions, but this is pretty in-depth. These interviews really cover a lot of ground. Oh, yeah. So we started with detailed physical exams, psychological exams, visits to their homes. So they visited their parents and wrote detailed notes about what was being served for dinner and what the furnishings were like and the disciplinary style of the parents. I mean, so much detail all in the 1930s and 40s. And then the questionnaires where we asked about the big domains of life. So mental health, physical health, work life, like, did you get promoted? Did you get fired? How satisfied are you with your job? Relationships and not just intimate relationships, but friendships, other family relationships, community relationships. So all of that got asked about. And then we're kind of a history of science. So as new methods came online, we started using them to study the same things. So we started audio taping, videotaping, drawing blood for DNA. I mean, DNA wasn't even imagined in 1938 when the study started. And then we've been putting people in the MRI scanner and showing them different kinds of pictures and watching how their brains light up. We stress people out in our lab and see how quickly they calm down from the stressor. So these are the different kinds of ways that we come at this whole domain of human thriving as people go through life. Now, you mentioned happiness. And a lot of times it's referred to as the happiness study. Happiness is a big part of what people discuss around the study. But for many of us, happiness feels very fleeting. And it feels almost not worth studying in that way.  So what exactly are we talking about? What is the good life and what's behind what we're looking at here? Thank you for asking that because they always call us a study of happiness and we're not. I mean, it includes questions like how happy are you, but we're really a study of human well-being, human thriving, both physical and emotional and psychological as well. And so moment to moment happiness gets included and you're absolutely right. You can't be happy. Nobody's happy all the time. Not one person on the planet. But there are people who feel that their lives are basically okay for long periods of time and that they have what they need to feel like life is good enough and meaningful. And that's what we're interested in.  And we're interested in that too. Why does that, why do lives unfold that way as well? I think when we think about happiness, when we talk about happiness, of course, the first thing that jumps to everyone's mind is money and its ability to unlock happiness in our life. And of course, there's another study by a group of Daniel Kahneman around the $75,000 number. And you write about it in the book as well that this number is often a misnomer. It's again, a snapshot study, right? If we look at the difference in studies, it's a snapshot in time that his group was looking at it. And of course, we all feel financial pressures and we feel happier when we have more versus having less. So how does money come into this equation? Because as you talked about earlier, you have various socioeconomic backgrounds and you also are tracking people at their best and at their worst through their career. As you go through the study, some people lose jobs, some people have massive promotions and windfalls, et cetera. So how does money come into this equation? Well, as you say, money, after we get our basic needs met, money doesn't make your happiness increase. So once you get above whether it's $75,000 or $100,000, whatever, but basic needs, once you get those met, then you could make $75,000,000 and it's not going to make your happiness go up. Happiness isn't correlated with being rich. So our Harvard undergraduate group wasn't happier on average than the inner city Boston group that grew up in such disadvantaged circumstances. And that's really important because especially when we're younger and we're starting out in life, we think, if I can get rich, I'm going to be really happy. And the other thing is we're sold these messages all day long about this. I mean, think about the commercials you see where it's like, if you buy this car, you are going to be so happy and your family is going to love you more. If you serve this kind of pasta at your family dinners, you are going to be a happy family forever. All this stuff that we know is false and yet we can develop this idea that there is some way to purchase the right stuff to finally be happy forever. And that is just not the truth of any of the thousands of lives we've followed. With that in mind, obviously hopping on the study, you had some preconceived notions or ideas or things you're probably looking for interested in the data. So what were some surprising perspectives that came out of your work in the study? And what were some things that you think are the next frontier of studying? Because you're talking about a history of science here and many of these new tools that you're using and bringing in, well, it's opening up entirely different areas of perspective and scientific research around this group. Absolutely. Well, one of the biggest surprises for us was that relationships keep us healthier. It made sense that it keeps us happier, good relationships, more happiness, sure. But how could good relationships make it less likely that you would get coronary artery disease? How could that happen? Or that less likely that you would get type 2 diabetes? How could that be a thing? And so this next frontier, well, it's a current frontier is we're studying how that works. How do relationships actually change our physiology, change our bodies? So we're looking a lot at stress and stress management. And one of the things we're getting pretty clear on is that good relationships are stress managers for us. You can sort of see that. If I have something upsetting happen in my day and I can churn about it and ruminate about it, you know, if I go home and I talk to my wife or I can call up a friend and I can really vent, I can literally feel my body calm down. And we think that that's a lot of how this works actually, that good relationships return our bodies to a kind of baseline equilibrium after we've been stressed. And since stress is a normal part of life, we want those stress regulators in our lives. So then when you're asking, well, what's the new frontier? Gosh, I mean, I don't know what it is, right? But right now, cutting edge includes, like messenger RNA, it includes the systems that turn genes on and off. So it's not just knowing which genes control happiness, which we may never know actually, because there are probably thousands, if not millions of genes that do. But then it's also seeing how different kinds of proteins get made or not made depending on which genes get turned on and off in our bodies. And so I think that's going to be one of the frontiers as we develop better ways of looking at the brain while it's functioning. So while we're in scanners, we're going to know more about what does talking with you do to my brain right now, right? I think I'm having a good time. And there are things that I know annoy me where I don't have a good time. What does my brain look like? And as we get better and better at visualizing brain processes, we're going to know more. Those are my best shots. I think for me what stood out, obviously the relationships piece is a big part of why we do what we do. But now looking at this concept of social fitness, and we've had a lot of experts on the show talk about social media and our media consumption as a whole has gone up. And you actually do some quantification in the book around just thinking about how much time you actually spend with people in real life and these relationships in your life versus time on screen and time viewing media and time interacting with things that don't lead to the happiness as we talked about. This concept of social fitness, I had never heard it before reading it in your book. So I'd love to unpack it for our audience and think about how we can actually give ourselves a little bit of a social fitness test. We thought about this as social fitness because it seems analogous to physical fitness. Like if I go to the gym today and work out, I don't come home and say, good, I'm done. I never have to do that again. Physical fitness is an ongoing practice and we all get that. Whether we do it or not, whether we practice it or not, we know that's what would be best for our bodies. And what we realized was that as we looked at these lives, we saw many people's social worlds start to shrink. Not because there was anything wrong and not because they had relationships, but because they neglected their relationships. And what we saw was that many perfectly good relationships just wither away from neglect. So we said, okay, what if it's like exercising muscles, exercising your social muscles? And then your question is, whoa, how do you do that? Well, I suppose the first thing would be to check in with yourself and say, what am I getting from my relationships? And we get different things, right? So we get fun, we get like someone to confide in, we get like my neighbor who always has the right tool for the thing I'm trying to fix. And I don't have any good tools. And you get people who help you in different ways. And so think about what do you have in your life? What would you like more of? And could you get that either by livening up a relationship you already have or reaching out to some new people? So I think that then what we can do is say, well, who might I like to either strengthen a relationship with or reach out to a new? And this is where what we talk about in the book are these little tiny choices you can make to do this. Like, okay, so right now, after people are listening to this podcast, you could think, okay, who do I miss? Who would I like to touch base with? You could just send them a little text saying, just thinking of you and wanted to say hi. And if you do that, you will more likely than not get something back. And probably it's going to be somebody's reaction where you see that you've made somebody happy, you have made them want to connect more with you again, right? You're going to see that this little choice you can make now is going to have ripple effects. And that's what we keep noticing when we, you know, we talk with lots of people, we test this with lots of people. And it really makes a difference to take these small intentional steps to make our relationships better. I certainly enjoyed that term and it piqued my interest as much as it has piqued AJ's. And I think all of us just went through this ridiculously long, still going on social experiment, which COVID has isolated us. It has shown us the, our social fitness and being isolated for a certain amount of time, everyone is coming out of that. And I talk to young men and women every day who write into the company or call in and they all talk about how they have noticed since COVID, things are been opening back up and they have gotten complacent in the new routines that they developed to get through COVID. But also they're now that things are opening back up, they want to get back out there. They realize they're in isolation, but they're nervous about it. They don't feel like it. They make every excuse in the world why they shouldn't be going out much just like the gym. We all know that we have to go to the gym. We all know we have to eat, right? But yet when it comes down to it, everyone wakes up in the morning and starts going through their excuses, Rolodex to figure out how can I get out of going to the gym today. And we're seeing that when it comes to our social fitness. Where in the past, we didn't mind going to the networking event or going to the birthday party because these are things that we had always done and we cherish those relationships. But due to COVID due to isolation, those connections at your feet and it's making it difficult for people to pick them back up. Yeah. And that is such an important point. And what we're seeing is that actually the universe is conspiring to keep us isolated. So these screens that we love so much, myself included, are designed to hold our attention, to capture it, to hold it, to keep us on our screens, not let us alone to be with each other in the real world, right? Because attention is the commodity that they're after. The difficulty now is that the path of least resistance is to stay isolated. That's the path of least resistance and it requires being more intentional.  I don't really want to go to that networking event or that party. And that's where we can check in with ourselves. One of my friends was telling me yesterday, he said, I realized that when I actually let my partner drag me to a party, I end up feeling better. But my first reaction is, no, I don't want to go. And they did a study of this where they studied people who were about to take the subway in New York. And they randomly assigned them to, you read about this, AJ, but they randomly assigned people to either you're going to do what you normally do, which is like, listen to music, stay on your stage, keep to yourself, or you are randomly assigned to talk to a stranger. And they asked people, how much do you think you're going to enjoy this assignment we've given you? And the people who were going to have to talk to strangers thought they were going to be much less happy afterwards than the people who could just do their own thing. Then they asked people after they completed their assignments, the people who talked to strangers were way happier than the people who kept to themselves. So again, it's just a reminder that we're not good at knowing what's going to make us happy. And so we have to often remember back and say, oh, yeah, I really did like it when somebody dragged me to that party. So we have to be more intentional and we have to get over some hurdles. This is why I do this. I really care about getting these ideas out there because I see us all, myself included, so easily becoming more isolated. Well, there's certainty with the device. There's certainty that you'll get the dopamine, you'll feel good, you'll be entertained. There's uncertainty of what's going to happen at the networking event, or if you reach out to a friend and they ignore it or they don't respond, right? There's uncertainty in all of these little actions, but there's so much value in these little actions to the quality of our relationships, which then trace back to the study, which is ultimately the quality of your life. And so many of us also get caught up on this idea that I call it checking boxes. You talk about this in the book, this mini road map of adult relationships, and how basically we feel that we need to be doing certain things at certain times. We need to be getting the degree, we need to be getting the job, then we need to find the partner, then we need to find the house, then we need to have the kid. And you feel based on cultural influences, family influences that you're either ahead of time or you're falling back on time. And in actuality, chasing after all of those things external lead you further from the happiness that you're looking for. Yeah, absolutely. That sense of being on time is so deflating to many people. I haven't found a partner and everyone else is finding a partner or I haven't had my first child or I haven't gotten the promotion that all that stuff. It turns out when you watch people's lives over time, you see that they're all these meandering paths that most of us take and that that's totally okay. It's just that we have this idea in our head, these clocks in our heads about what we're supposed to be doing at different times in our lives. Fortunately, I think that's changing and opening up a bit where people are feeling more latitude to take different life paths than they used to. I think it gets murky there because of our internal clocks are being eschewed due to an extended adolescence that is going on that which is like, well, you know, I was out on my own at 18. And in the book, there's a bunch of studies going on with some of the younger generations. And there was even terms in certain cultures for failure to launch in these generations. So they're staying at home till mid twenties, mid thirties. And it's difficult to understand where you want to be at certain stages of your in your life if you haven't set off and had to put those things together for yourself. If you're being fed by your parents and you only have some menial tasks to do, you're in this clock that is trying to find out if you're on time or off time is out of whack because it's it's not focused on the things that move you forward, getting a job, moving through, uh, moving through your career, engaging in a relationship that is fulfilling to have children. Though those things are all going to be staying the same, right? Like a woman's biological clock isn't going to stop and or start until she leaves the house. That's going regardless. And we all as human beings, due to all this technology, have to understand that our lifespan, though it may be extending a few years due to medical advancements, I still have a certain window of time to make certain things happen. And what I really enjoyed about the book, it lays out the, the Heraksonian stages and to look at it in a more, I guess, more extended path, when you can see things in its totality, it makes it easier to see these stages rather than getting kind of antsy that you're not hitting on certain milestones.  And everybody said, oh, that's too depressing. People won't want to hear about that. But, you know, but that's what you're pointing to, really, because you're saying, look, time is limited.  We have to unpack the age difference, right? So obviously, Johnny's view of time, you talk about in the book, midlife to later adult stages, like time and the way we view time is a lot different than we're in our 20s. And when we're in our adolescence, so we're busy on time, we feel short on time in the near term, I have a lot of things to do, I have a checklist, I have kids to take care of. But we often have this longer time horizon in the future of like, well, once I get the house, then I'll have time to do that. And once I go on vacation, then I'll have time to do this. But in actuality, as we move through these developmental stages, our view of time shifts. That time is where we're putting our attention. And now we have technology fighting for that attention and robbing us of that attention that we could be putting towards relationships that make us happy. Absolutely. And I think, you know, when I was talking about the fluidity of like, you know, being able to take different life paths on different, you know, time courses, what I wasn't talking about was staying in your bedroom and playing video games that I think the important thing is to be engaged in the world. But there are people who don't have to be engaged in the same lockstep way that they used to.  You know, and so those are paths that didn't exist when we started studying our first generation. And that's what I find so cool that there are different, you know, there are more different ways to move through life. Even so, you have to and you have to engage in order to take advantage of all those new ways. Sitting in your room playing video games, well, there's no extra paths for you. No, no. So you reference the cultural influence that it has on creating this time and creating these influences and the choices that we make. And I think what's really unique about the study, obviously, starting in the 1930s to where we are now 100 years, almost 100 years later, culture has changed. You know, women are in the workforce, we're taking on different roles, different things are acceptable. So how has culture influenced the answers to some of these study questions and influenced the way you view happiness in this study? Culture makes a huge difference. You know, most of our original couples were, you know, the World War II generation. And we would send our 20-something young women interviewers to visit these couples. And they would talk to these older women in their 70s and 80s and and ask questions like, well, weren't you frustrated being at home all the time? And these women would say, no, not at all. I had a really rich and rewarding life being at home, working in my community, doing all that, you know, so it was a lot about the expectations that they were part of a generation where this is what many women did. And our younger, our younger women who were going to be career women were saying, no, this is this can't be okay.  And what they were bumping up against were these cultural differences. And so what we see is that all of this keeps changing over time, as it should change, right? But that that our ideas about what constitutes a fulfilling life are very culture dependent. And that's probably never going to change, because culture gets transmitted through parenting, through schooling, through all the things that make us who we are. Well, a lot of culture in my mind centers around prestige. And it certainly is a driver for a lot of our actions, especially for our listeners. And yet, you write about two gentlemen in the book, one goes to law, one goes to become a teacher. And the law path is chasing prestige, chasing accomplishment. And he has a much different experience in life versus the teacher who probably wouldn't be celebrated as a very prestigious job wouldn't be considered a great job based on the amount of money earned. But his view of happiness and quality of life and the purpose that he found in in serving those children and teaching those children and having this vibrant family really led to him feeling happiness in a way that the lawyer didn't in his life. The teacher is the man we call Leo in the book. All these are real stories, but all the names are disguised so that but but Leo actually, one of my predecessors dubbed Leo one of the most boring men in the study. And he turns out to have been our happiest person in the study for just the reasons you were talking about. He had a career he loved teaching, he loved mentoring kids, he loved teaching history to kids. He had daughters who he taught to sail and just spent a lot of time with them and a happy marriage and a career that we would think of as no big deal. Like okay, but he did the same thing his whole life and then he retired by far that one of the happiest people. And this lawyer was one of the had one of the most prestigious jobs and he was one of the least happy. He was one of the most miserable people. And they are extremes, but everybody's on that spectrum in some way in our study. And what we really do is try to lay out these these stories with their ups and downs and their quirks to help people see that that these lives are so rich and complicated and that they don't conform to the stereotypes we think they will, like that wealth makes you happy or prestige makes you happy. It just doesn't work that way. And a lot of that chasing and prestige leads to selfish behaviors that damage those important relationships that we talk about. So the pursuit of these accomplishments, the pursuit of advancing your career comes at a cost to his family and to friendships and to those weak ties even in his life that ultimately lead to the sustained happiness versus Leo, the teacher who has relationships with his students, vibrant relationship with his wife, a family that he's really involved in. All of those relationships go on to have a huge impact on the quality of Leo's life. Yeah. And what we find, and other studies find this as well, is that people who invest in things beyond the self, beyond I, me, and mine, that people who invest in whether it's causes or people or whatever, that those people are happier, they feel that their lives have more meaning than the people who are really all about the self. And so we look at some of these people in our culture who seem to be only about themselves. They are not happy fulfilled people. They're desperately hungry people because you can never really shore up the self enough to feel good about yourself if that's all you're doing. And it pushes people away. It robs you of those relationship opportunities that us as social beings really need to be healthy, to have great social fitness. And you talk about the stay-at-home moms who then got involved in charity work when they became empty nesters. Well, a lot of their work raising a family isn't about the self, right? Raising kids is in service to your family and then charity work in service. So a lot of times we get so caught up on, and of course, with the rising costs of tuition, the expense that college is, it does put a financial burden that drives people to chase prestigious jobs that often are high-paying jobs and furthers this myth that if I just get that next raise, if I just get that next promotion, that next accomplishment, then I'll have the time to invest in the relationships. And we hear this from our clients and X Factor all the time. I wish I would have started this 10 years ago. I wish I would have invested in these relationships 20 years ago. I'm 50. I got divorced and I realized I don't have a social circle. And my ex-wife doesn't want to spend any time with me and I'm starting over. What I loved about the book is it's never too late. And with this longitudinal study, you see that people later in life make these changes, start to invest in relationships and see a direct impact on their life. So for those in our audience who are feeling like, well, is this it? Is this what I have for the rest of my life? How do we make that change and how do we inspire them to take action towards these relationships? Yeah. Well, first, what we say is it really is never too late because we have the data to show it, right? That there are people who find their tribe for the first time in their 60s or they find love in their 80s. It's kind of astonishing. And we have 20-somethings who have said to me, I'm no good at relationships. They're never going to happen for me. They're sure that it's just not going to work out for them. And so the message we can give, backed by science, is that's not the truth, that it is really not too late. But then you're asking the big question, like, well, what then what? What do you do? And I think that it involves doing some of the things we've been talking about, that it involves figuring out what could you do? What small steps could you take? And one of the things I want to name is that people should expect a little bit of failure. Not everybody you reach out to is going to respond with warmth. They may ghost you. They may not respond at all. They may feel annoyed, right? Sometimes that happens. And so I think when you think about starting to reach out, it's important to remember that there are going to be times when it doesn't work. It's like shooting baskets in basketball. You're not going to make the basket every time, right? And that has to be something we prepare ourselves for.  Think about something you love to do. It could be anything. It could be bowling. It could be playing the banjo. It could be knitting, gardening. It could be working to prevent climate change. It could be anything. And think about ways to do it alongside other people who share a similar interest. Because that's a natural place.   And then one of the things that research tells us is that if you put yourself in situations where you're going to see the same people repeatedly and maybe have casual conversations, those conversations can start to deepen. That's why the water cooler or the coffee machine at work was so important. We don't know what we're going to do now that those are falling out of existence. But these are the kinds of things we can do. All of those things certainly help. And for our X Factor members, these are people with careers. They have lives. They have families. And so that throwing stuff off the wall and hoping it sticks, it can be a bit frightening. Because it's just like, well, who has that time to waste? Well, again, it's like going to the gym. It is for your development. But this is why for us and all the work that we've done, we have done all the research. All the research has been done on what is and what makes for effective, efficient, rapport building. And there are frameworks that will give you guidance to help you with these relationships so that you don't have to go out and flail around and hope something sticks. And once you have those frameworks, the flailing around part actually becomes kind of fun because you actually, you have your least, you know, you're doing things that are effective, that have been researched and the science backs it up. And all you have to do is give it a few executions and you'll start to see that development. And that's, and then you use that momentum to start building out your network. So you guys actually offer people frameworks for doing this kind of thing. Yeah, this is fabulous. Small talk, building rapport, storytelling, stories connect us, validating emotions and others. And part of the reason, so you talk about propinquity, being around people over and over again, just getting that exposure leading to small talk. But then you also have the shared emotion that really builds relationships by doing things that you enjoy that someone else enjoys, right? So you're both in a place of having and experiencing great emotions that you not only tie to the place you're at and the activity you're doing, but mentally we also tie to the people we're surrounded by when we're doing that activity. So the bowling league, the ax throwing league, those very quickly become social circles because it's scheduled. It is an environment that is social and it's an activity that everyone is engaged in. But I want to touch on the first point because I think that's also really scary, especially coming out of the pandemic of how do I reach out to people and how do I rekindle these relationships? And as you started saying, most of these relationships die simply because no efforts put in. We rationalize that, oh, well, the other person's not interested. We tell stories about how the other person's thinking or feeling and you use the basketball analogy. I prefer a baseball analogy. I give everyone three strikes. I throw out an opportunity to hang out. I follow up and I follow up one more time. And if after three chances that person doesn't respond, doesn't show up, doesn't express interest, that I know, as Johnny said, I gave it my best shot and I can move on to other relationships in my life. And the book talks about, I think a lot of us have this misnomer around friendship that we need this deep confidant who's just there to support us through the thick and the thin and cheer us on and have our backs when things go sideways.  There's going to be friendships that are perfect for that season in your life that are perfect for your entrepreneurial journey, that are perfect for your retirement journey, that are perfect for your college experience. And sometimes you have to let go of those relationships, recognize the season of your life that you're in, and plant new seeds to build new relationships to fit that season of your life. And these are the lessons that we're talking about with our X Factor accelerator members because it is daunting. It is scary to wake up, recognize that you've neglected these relationships. You haven't put in any effort there because you put effort in your career. You put effort in your family.  And as you talk about in the book, we don't teach this. We teach reading. We teach writing. We teach arithmetic. We don't teach relationship building. And of course, there's a lot going on now with groups working together in groups and you look at Montessori, but a lot of these social skills, it's just sink or swim. And then, of course, we're told, oh, you're an introvert.  We label ourselves. And that creates disadvantage. So what we're doing in the program inside of the group coaching is providing opportunities for people to also share in this experience of like, hey, I'm going through this too. Hey, I'm feeling a little bit lonely, but I want to take action on this loneliness because I know that there is more to life. I know that I can get more out of my time here than just playing video games, hoping that I'll meet a friend, hoping that I'll connect with the coworker. I will add to AJ's point about the baseball strikes as well, because once you've given them three opportunities, the ball is in their court and they know that. And so there's guilt that is tied to that like, oh, well, AJ's reached out to me three times. I've been busy every time I've blown him off. I have to reach out to this guy. And so it puts a little pressure on that person to reach out. You know, I like the idea that you guys have created a community where you can support each other in this, because I think we do need support. You need support when it doesn't go well. You need support when you're afraid to take a little risk and sort of have other people saying, yeah, you know, this is a little scary for me too. It's a big deal because many of us feel like we're like alone or like we're unique in our worries about these things. Like everybody else has it figured out, especially if you look at social media and it looks like everybody's life is perfect, except mine. And so to have these kinds of conversations where people can say, yeah, this is hard for me too, is enormously helpful.  If that's something that you are not trained to do, right, you work yourself up to that where you don't need that support anymore, and then you look to help and support other people. But if you are getting fit in that area, well, you need extra support, you need people to talk to. This is why everyone who gets involved in workout groups, they call it a cult. You start going to SoulCycle or Berry's Bootcamp because you start to know everybody there. You get excited about going. And then all of a sudden that's what you're talking about your diet, you're talking about your exercises that you're doing, and you're fired up about it. That's part of the process of getting fit, which is going to be the same process and getting socially fit. Having other people that you're going out with to networking events or working on and helping other people with their mission so that you have an opportunity and a reason and an intent to go out. You know, the other thing we talk about in the book that I think is important, I bet you guys deal with this a lot, is that we can do this at work, and actually we should do this at work, that if you have a work situation where you can make new relationships, deepen relationships, start to find friends, that what we know, the Gallup organization did a survey of 15 million workers, and their question was, do you have a friend at work? And only 30% said yes. And that meant, do you have someone you could talk to about your personal life? What's going on in your regular life? Only 30% had a friend. Those people were so much happier at their jobs. They were better performers at their jobs. They were much less likely to leave those jobs for another job because it mattered that they had people at work they wanted to see every day. And guess what? Those people become your network to find your next job, to support you on the rest of your career journey. So as you talk about in the study, you know, everyone's lives in this study is ups and downs and decision trees and leaving jobs and moving places. And the more you have the ability to create these great relationships in your life, the more opportunity you create for yourself. Not just in love and finding the partner, which we'll talk about in a second is obviously one of those really important relationships. But your social life, more opportunities there by putting yourself out there. Also your work life. So my wife has found her last two roles through her network by making friends at work. So when I hear that only 30% of people at work feel like they have friends, it's really sad to think that 70% are really hurting not only themselves socially and hurting their health, their physical health, but they're also hurting their career health. You know, and there are small ways to start. If you don't have any friends, like just like notice something that somebody has on their desk, you know, notice something that they display because usually we display things that tell something about us. So just get curious. Like, Oh, what is that thing?  Or, you know, just something to start up a conversation. We love to talk about ourselves. We humans, right? So if you give somebody the opportunity, if you're curious about them, about something, that's often a really nice way to start up a casual conversation with somebody you don't know, but might be working at a cubicle nearby. Everyone's Instagram or social media becomes their desk, right?  And so there's plenty of things that you can talk about. I mean, it doesn't end. Looking at relationships, the one relationship for many of us in our life that is the most important is our partner, our spouse. And you were talking earlier how you had this great opportunity to bring partners and spouses into the study and interview them as well. So I'd love to unpack what you've seen looking from the partnership side of things and how that impacts our ability to not only live a rich life, but support each other through those ups and downs and those difficult moments. We saw so many different kinds of partnerships.  But there were some characteristics that were really important. One was that we realized that here were two people who decided to get together and to stay together. And all of us are moving targets. All of us are changing every day, right? And you realize that when you get together with someone, you're changing, that person is changing.  So how do you deal with two moving targets moving together? And I think one of the things we found was that the couples that were the most satisfied were the couples who really welcomed change in the other person and rolled with it and adapted to it and supported somebody in taking chances, trying new things, that kind of thing. It didn't insist that somebody be who they were on the day they got married or the day they had their first date, that that is a recipe for a disaster. The other thing is that the people who were the most satisfied were people who kept being curious about their partners. So one of the things they find in research studies is that we are most tuned into our partners when we first start dating. And if you think about it, it makes sense because you're like worrying all the time, is this person into me? What are they thinking? What are they feeling? Right? So you're really preoccupied with what's going on for this person.  I know what they're going to do. And then what they find is that people are actually less tuned into their partners the longer they've been together in perfectly good stable relationships. So one of the things we found was that the people who managed to keep relationships vibrant were the people who kept being curious about their partner. Who is this person today? Actually, one of my meditation teachers taught me this exercise, this meditation that's really useful. And you can use it in relationships. The question you ask yourself is, what's here now that I've never noticed before? So it could be while you're sitting and breathing, which you've done thousands of times, right? Or it could be while you're having dinner with your partner, which you've done over and over again. What's here now that I've never noticed before? And see what comes up. Yeah, I think with that, where we're putting our attention and utilizing our attention with our partner in a way that creates that environment for curiosity and creates that environment for sharing. So much of what we're doing now, and we talk to our clients, I fall into this trap where both me and my wife are on our phones, right? You just you reach for this device. Again, going back to the certainty of feeling good and feeling entertained. And yet, at the same time, there is still so much more to know about this person. We're both on journeys. We're both going through feeling emotions, having experiences at work or with the kids or moving about town that we want to share. And we want to feel validated in the emotions that go along with those experiences. And just creating that opportunity of setting the phone down, giving that person full attention, appreciating who your partner is, and giving them an opportunity to really share what they're going through, creates that space. And over time, builds the closeness that leads to these great relationships, these fulfilling relationships in our lives. Yeah. And you're reminding me of this quote that we have in the book from one of my Zen teachers that attention is the most basic form of love. And I think that's like one of the best quotes ever because it is the truth. Like if you think about it, giving each other our undivided attention is probably the most valuable thing we've got to offer somebody. And now it's becoming increasingly rare that we do it. Especially when we're working in situations on screens, right? So you mentioned the water cooler. It's like, how can we give full attention when we have zoom and notifications and emails popping up and this device in our pocket? It is a challenge. And it's something that I think the more we realize that this attention is love, the more we can bring it to all of our relationships in life, the happier we'll ultimately be, the more fulfilled we'll be in those relationships. I love asking this question, you're sitting on this treasure trove of scientific data and research. What have you done personally in your life to take away from this study in action? Yeah, it makes me pay more attention to just what we've been talking about. So like, I'm a Harvard professor. I could work 24 seven until I'm dead, right? I mean, I could just, I could be writing another paper. I could be answering more emails. That's just like the way it is. And what I came to see was that if I didn't pay more attention to my friendships and my relationships, they were gonna die. Especially I found that once my kids were launched, like they weren't home to drag me to drive them to soccer games and be with other soccer parents and, you know, all that stuff, that my world was shrinking to my work life and my wife. And I thought, this is just not okay. And so now I deliberately, you know, I've got to walk a range for Saturday afternoon with somebody I, I used to go see science fiction movies with and I haven't seen him in a while. And you know, I've got like, I do these things more actively, more intentionally than I used to. And that's because of the research. You mentioned launching kids and the book talks about this happiness in families. So newlyweds to having children to then the children actually leaving the nest. And I know we have a lot of newlyweds and new parents listening to the show and they might not be feeling the happiness that they thought they would in these moments of their life. So what is a science show about this time specifically in our lives around family? Yeah, well, it does show that we are not as happy, particularly in our intimate relationships because often you become a tag team with your partner when you have young kids, because there's just so much to do. And you have to divide up. And so you don't often get to pay attention to each other in the same way you did before kids came along.  And like, I'm really glad I had them, but they, you know, what a lot of work. So, so I think what we have to do is remember to pay, you know, to keep, you know, nourishing those other relationships.  So we got a babysitter to come every Thursday night. And no matter what, she came. And so we were going to go out. We didn't have to like arrange it every week. It's just that she was going to come, she was going to feed our kids dinner, play with them, put them to bed, and we were going to go out and it was a godsend.  Sometimes we'd go to the mall and buy underwear that we needed. But just going out, just, just doing something together that wasn't with the kids and wasn't about the kids was just so great. And having it be a regular thing. So that's a very personal thing. But what I think what I'm saying is that if, if there's a way when you're in this crunch time of being a, you know, like having big work pressures, having a lot of family pressures, if you can find ways to carve out that time, it's such a good investment in making, making your life, the rest of your life more livable. Well, I think that's the important piece there is that if that is your intention, you have to figure out a way to do it. And let's just say that you and your wife, we're going to do this on Thursdays. But then when you figure out what you're going to do, then you'll call the babysitter.  I'll see how I feel in the morning that it doesn't work that way that you have to schedule it. And that's what you're doing that day. You realize beforehand that you do this because you know that it's going to, that you're going to feel better and that you're going to appreciate that you did that.  I don't know if I really feel like this. It was a tough day at work and blah, blah, blah. But you know that if you go out and you're, once you're at the mall and you're, and, and you're under the lights and you're having a wonderful time, like, Oh, it was worth it.  And this is another thing where I tell our folks, people are tired. They're at work all day.  They get the moralized a networking event. Are you kidding me? I've been at work all day. It's like, well, no one's saying that you need to be out for four hours. You realize that like going to the gym that let's just block off this hour. And if I'm having fun, then I'll stay out longer. If, if I'm beat after that hour, at least I put in my time. I promise myself I'll do this. I can go home and feel good that I did what I told myself I was going to do. Yeah. And you know what works really well as a motivator is having somebody depend on you. So if you have a buddy who's waiting for you at the gym, you're much less likely to cancel or not go, right? Well, I said I'd be there, right?  If we canceled, she needed that babysitting job. She, she's a college student. She's putting herself through school. And so we'd say, well, we can't, we can't cancel Angela. We have to go out. And so even when we were exhausted and didn't feel like it, we went out and then we were so glad we did. What's fun about that is we've done that with our X Factor Accelerator members. And they're not even the same location, but they'll check in on each other. So they made a commitment during the week to go to this event, to go to the bowling, to go to the axe throwing. And they know that they have to report to the other person, send a photo or share how it went, how they were feeling, and vice versa. And then we'll join our group session. And they'll both be sitting there saying, well, I knew I had to go because I had to send you a text message, but I didn't really want to go. And the other one's saying, I didn't really want to go either, but I knew I had to send you it, but they both ended up having a great time. So that accountability piece can really break through when you are slammed with work. There are a lot of other things that would be a more fun distraction than the meaningful thing in your life. Exactly. So we love asking each guest one final question. What is your X Factor? What do you think makes you unique and extraordinary, Bob? I think I'm a voyeur. I really like learning about other people. I like finding out how other people live. Like when I was a kid, I used to like looking in windows as we would drive by at night, you know, like just to see how other people lived. Like I became a shrink, right? So you get to talk to people all day long about their lives. I started, you know, I took over this study, which is like masses of records of people's lives. And I started Zen actually as a way to like investigate my own mind, you know, and body through meditation. I think I'm basically like just endlessly curious about what it means to be alive and to be human. And that's kind of my that's my thing. Well, we deeply appreciate your curiosity. And thank you for coming on the show and sharing the book with us. Where can our audience find out more about the book and all the great work that you do? Well, the book has a website, thegoodlifebook.com. And you can also come you could come to our study website to get really technical boring papers, adultdevelopmentstudy.org. And yeah, those those two would get you started. Thank you for joining us. This is a fun conversation. This was really fun for me too. Yeah, thank you both so much. Really enjoyed this.


Throughout the fleet and around the world, sailors, Marines and members of Japanese communities gathered for a moment of silence. The Remembrance ceremonies honor the third anniversary of the Great East Japan earthquake. Japan experienced a powerful 9.0 magnitude earthquake March 11, 2011, triggering a massive tsunami which devastated Japan's eastern seaboard. The earthquake and tsunami claimed more than 15,000 lives. Sailors and Marines responded with humanitarian aid, including search and rescue and much-needed relief supplies. U.S. ships and aircraft supported relief efforts alongside the Japanese. At a Remembrance Ceremony aboard USS Bonham-Rishard, Marine Colonel John Myrna said sailors and Marines are encouraged to keep the people of Japan and the victims of the 2011 disasters in their thoughts and prayers. From the Defense Media Activity, I'm Petty Officer Jenna Blake.