I'm very pleased and honored to join you at this 32nd Convocation Ceremony and the graduation of the cadets of the 69th Regular Course and postgraduate students and the conferment of degrees Honoraries Causa on several distinguished Nigerians. I bring you the very warm felicitations of President Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces President Mohammed Buhari. I also congratulate the most deserving Nigerian leading lights who today have been admitted to the distinguished ranks of Honorary Graduates with the conferment of Honorary Doctorate Degrees, General Awali Kazeem, retired, former Chief of Army Staff, General Alexander O Ogomudia, former Chief of Army Staff, and former Chief of Defence Staff, Chief Eric Omeofia, founder and CEO of the Risco Foods and Professor Fumio Lonishakling of King's College London, the first black woman to become Professor of King's College London and first female professor to deliver an inaugural lecture at the college. Congratulations to you all. This illustrious institution has for decades produced courageous servants of our country in war and in peace, and I convey the gratitude of the entire nation to the staff past and present for building and sustaining the high traditions of cutting-edge military training and scholarship that have produced the gallant alumni of this academy. May I congratulate the graduates and postgraduate students who today join the illustrious generations of outstanding graduates of this academy. This convocation is a celebration of your achievement in scaling the mental and physical hurdles meant to test your abilities in your chosen profession. Permit me therefore a few minutes to highlight some of the signposts and contexts of the new security environment which you will face. The first context is that you must contend with the mix of asymmetric conflicts, hybrid warfare, insurgencies and armed criminal activities perpetrated by criminal non-state actors. These are conflicts that are novel in their viciousness but are dated in their origins. They include the new threats of mass kidnapping for ransom and for military leverage, the use of victims of kidnapping as human shields. We now have to deal with the access that these criminal gangs have and these insurgents have to sophisticated weaponry and lethal ordnance. The new possibilities also of access to even more lethal and more devastating weaponry from the dark web and an ever-growing economy in illegal arms and ammunition. How do you engage a vicious, lawless enemy along the lines of the Geneva Convention? What are the new rules of engagement with well, especially where the adversary is a well-equipped non-state criminal act? The second context that we must take note of are the realities of living in the digital age. Digitalization has created a whole new world, cyberspace, where all transactions and activity, commercial, social, financial and even crucial military intelligence take place. This virtual world requires protection and security from enemies and malpractice, including the threats of hacking and other forms of cyber warfare which could inflict damage on our cyber infrastructure and compromise critical economic sectors such as telecommunications and financial services. The proliferation of digital channels and the rapid growth of mobile banking raises new concerns about data privacy and security as well as vulnerabilities to malware infections designed to steal money, which if unaddressed could subvert our economy. We see cyberspace as part of our strategic domain and this is why the federal government has rolled out legislative and policy measures in the form of the Cyber Crimes Act of 2015, the National Data Protection Policy to safeguard our cyber infrastructure. Indeed the Cyber Crimes Act provides for the designation of computer systems and data networks as constituting critical national information infrastructure. The National Cyber Security Policy designates the financial services sector and other sectors as national critical information infrastructure. So there is no doubt that the digital domain is one of the frontiers that your generation of our armed forces will be increasingly tasked to defend. More broadly, it is clear that we cannot secure or defend our country, a country of this size with human assets alone. We must leverage technology. At a time when national resources are stretched thin, we still have to come up with technology driven solutions to address our security needs, whether we are discussing the policing of our borders or intelligence, surveillance, or reconnaissance tools aimed at identifying criminal elements within our coastal waters or locating terrorists hiding within the general population. We must become severe in the development and deployment of intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance to complement our human resources. When applied creatively, technology can be a force multiplier, amplifying our potential and our capacity to effectively secure our territory. The third strategic context that we must be cognizant of is that of climate change and its implication for national security and military planning. Aside from the threats of environmental damage as a multiplier of threats of various kinds, desert encroachment and severe weather conditions create new socioeconomic problems. It is more certain than ever that the next few decades will see a sharp decline in the use of fossil fuels, especially oil and gas. Many countries in the global north are not only aggressively preparing for the use of electric vehicles and the decommissioning of combustion engines, but they are preventing also the public funding of gas projects, especially in countries such as ours, which are reaching gas. Aside from the serious revenue loss from declining earnings from oil and gas, there are disruptions that may be caused because of our military's dependence on fossil fuels for transport, for logistics, mobility and weapons deployment. Certainly, we must rigorously consider the implications of these shifts on our national defence apparatus because as our country pursues energy transition, it is worth setting a goal for our defence security sector as well, an equivalent energy transition strategy for our military. The quest for clean energy leads inevitably to considering new options for civilians as well as military users. This is a challenge to which your generation of graduates must apply itself. The fourth context that we must consider is that of building our local defence capabilities. Today the procurement of ours is often subjected to the vagaries of geopolitics, geo-economics and the caprices of the international arms industry. And so in a country the size and population of Nigeria, with threats to our citizenry and sovereignty in different locations, it is absolutely imperative that we build our indigenous national defence capabilities. This means revitalising our local military industrial competencies and investing in the local capacity to manufacture armaments. All our research and development entities within the defence sector must come up as a priority, the growth of our local armaments industry. The beneficial effect of this will be twofold. It will gradually reduce some aspects of our defence costs, while enabling us to devote our resources to procure the top-of-the-range state-of-the-art armaments from abroad. Simultaneously it will open a new frontier of economic growth by advancing our industrial aspirations with a salutary effect of creating jobs for our people. To borrow a military term the policy shift will be a forced multiply, enabling us to optimise our resources, maximise our national defence capabilities and propel local industry. These are worthy goals that should inspire patriotic military elites. I'm excited to note that the 69th regular course is the first to use the revised context-sensitive new defence academy curriculum and I commend the CDS, the service chiefs and the commandant and faculty of the NDA on this phenomenal achievement. Finally, this generation of warrior scholars must devote itself as its forebears have done to preserving the unity of this country. This has always been the highest calling of the Nigerian military. Indeed the armed forces of Nigeria have long been considered one of the most unified and unifying of our institutions. In today's environment we recognise the national defence and preservation of national unity in particular will not be wrought merely by force of arms. You are all familiar of course with the currency of non-kinetic strategies and fifth generation warfare in contemporary military thought, so I need not belabor the point. It is suffice to say that we must invest in strengthening civil military relations and enhancing the bonds of trust between our communities and those that have sworn to protect them. This is crucial to the cause of preserving our unity. We must not allow the rhetoric and the actions of those determined to use ethnicity and religion to advance their often narrow and selfish interests to affect your belief in the righteousness, the strength and prosperity for all that a large and diverse united nation offers to all of its peoples. Let me conclude by once again congratulating the graduating cadets of the 69th regular course and postgraduate students. I wish you strength and victory in your service to our nation and extend my appreciation to our esteemed guests who took the time to join this impressive ceremony and I offer my profound congratulations as well to the parents and guardians of the graduates for being pillars of support and sources of circle on their journey to this day. Thank you very much for listening. God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.


That's going to be one of our themes as we go through to learn how to be gentle with yourself, not so hard on yourself. And this morning, I was talking a little bit with Lisa and it was kind of fun because she was coming back here to the monastery with almost like it was a movie set. Just like you're going to film something and you show up on the set with no sense of knowing anything about anything, about how it's operating or what's going on and that's really where we're training our minds to be able to do that with all situations.  I don't know, like you're just showing up like you're an extra on a movie set and they've just kind of pulled you in and scooped you into the scene, into the scenario. I think how wonderful that feels, there's no sense of duty, obligation, responsibility, trying to get it right, you know, thinking you know something, you're just like an extra that's been pulled in on the set and you can just show up and go, wow, this is fun.  That was the thing I got right before I came out here, like 10 minutes before I walked out here it was ding, I got a new email, it was from my friend Gary Renard and he's been working for the last couple of years to develop a television show based on his book, Disappearance of the Universe and he was calling for extras, he said we need like 30 extras, you're not going to get paid, but we're shooting the trailer, we need 30 extras to show up and imagine if you could just feel that feeling with your whole life and your relationships and your spirituality, that you're just an extra showing up on the scene, you don't really have a history. The spiritual practice, it's so much, we think we know what we've all done before, what was successful, what wasn't successful, what our spiritual ambitions are for the future, how we hope it'll look, how we hope our practice goes and it's all part of a movie that's trying to keep us unaware of the now, that we are just perfect and innocent right now. End of story, no need to make up more stories, no need to add to things. And so frequently in my talks, I talk about that, that you have to be willing to let go of everything including ambition, especially in the industrialized, the so-called civilized worlds, that's debatable, the Aborigines seem to have it going on and they're not considered civilized and then the civilized world, I don't know, if you call that progress and advancement, you know, there's the old Chinese curse, may you live in exciting times, that was the Chinese curse.   How did I, I thought it sounded exciting and then all of a sudden I feel trapped, I feel burdened, I feel overworked, I feel overwhelmed and that's part of the lure of the ego. It wants you to get excited about its world and get stuck like on flight paper, you know, and then wondering, how do I get off of the flight paper? And it's just beautiful to realize that you can actually lead a life and have a life that has no ambition and we're redefining success in terms of lack of ambition instead of having ambition. Because it ties into what we talked about and I think what Lisa talked about with the volunteers yesterday and the inspirational talk is letting go of the attachment to the doer.  It's like a wheel that just keeps spinning and then occasionally there's a wise saint or sage that comes along and says, what if the highest productivity is absolute pristine silence? It's just a definition that's so opposite of what the world, how the world defines productivity that it's almost striking. What if absolute pristine silence is the highest productivity is being as we were created to be and not trying to pretend to be something that we're not. So, a big thing that we're into is giving yourself more and more and more permission to be done through first. That's a phase that you go through where you just, you know, it's like my friend Rusty used to say, like, if this is a puppet, a body is a puppet, I want to get back on the strings and let the Holy Spirit move the crossbow.  You know, that's the same beautiful presence of let me be done through, let me be left through and smiled through and hugged through. Let me have words that inspire and bless, pour through me as a communication device that I may see that I am more than the device, that I am the light that is behind the device that is shining and that I am entitled to miracles and I am entitled to know who I am. So it goes counter to the teachings of the world. At one point Jesus says, you may begin to see how the goal of this course is the opposite of the goals of the world. Because all of the goals of the world are for the making and improving and keeping of a self-concept of an image that God did not create and really knows nothing about. So that's why Shakespeare called it much to do about nothing. It's like spinning your wheels seemingly for years and years and years and at some point reaching a surrender point and just going, oops, I don't need to spin. I can relax and, you know, we're kind of encouraging everyone to take early retirement. You know, it's good. It feels good. It's not that you have to work hard and you have to have all these savings to take early retirement, which is the ego's version of it. It's more you just have to relax and sink back into your divine purpose, into your divine calling and then retire from the thinking of the world, which is always push, push, push. You know, there's a pressure with trying to be pushed to achieve something, to accumulate something and somebody was talking to me the other day. It's like saying that the mind is like a parachute. It only works when it's open. You know, we have to allow ourselves to open up to an experience that's beyond this world. And of course in miracles there's ten characteristics of a teacher of God and the final one, and he puts it at the end for a reason because it takes a lot of, you could say, mind training to experience it, but the final characteristic of a teacher of God is open mindedness. You see how that dovetails with non-judgment. If you are completely open, completely open, that would mean you would be closed to nothing. It wouldn't matter what your brother or sister was talking about. You would just have this beautiful fragrance, this presence coming from your heart as your brother is speaking, regardless of what your brother or sister is speaking about.  Well, the final score on this, adore you. It doesn't really matter what the puppets are talking about because we're here to extend this loving adoration. We practice with our brothers, with our sisters here, adore. It could be talking about the stock market or what's going on in Miramar or whatever, and it's just like adore, adore. You don't really put attention into the words that are being spoken. And you don't actually have to follow the words that the more intuitive you get, the more you get into resting in the Holy Spirit. It's great. You don't even have to pay attention to what anybody is saying. You're just sitting there, adore, adore, adore, adore, and then five minutes later you may get to smile or say something, but you don't have to follow. You're just sitting there, adore, adore, adore, adore, and then five minutes later you may get to smile or say something, but you don't have to follow. I remember one time I had some students that were with me in Denver back in the 1990s, and we went to Idaho for a trip and we got there and a friend of mine from Kamloops, Canada had come down and he seemed to, every time I started to talk about special relationships or that topic, he would seem to have a lot to say, so I would get a few words in and he would kind of go on to something and I would say a few more words and he would go on to another thing and this went on for about an hour and a half or two hours. They actually recorded the session and I had, as usual, just a wonderful time and just was like, when we finally took the break, I went back to my room to just sit quiet for a bit and this group of students just followed me like a hornet snuts.  And they were like, this is terrible.  You can't get in two words, as wise. You're trying to talk about these profound topics and we have to listen to all this other gyrations. It's like this guy seems to be in mega resistance. We should lock him out. We should not let him back into the session room. It's a waste of our time and everything. And I said, oh, I thought it was a delightful session and they said, how can you possibly perceive that as a delightful session? And I said, well, I was just, it's like the Holy Spirit just is inspiring me and it's like playing me my favorite songs in my mind and I'm just in this state of adoration and whether the body speaks or not is not really my concern. I'm not identified with being the speaker or speaking anything. And I said, what's this interrupt word? I said, I can't possibly be interrupted. You can't really be interrupted unless you're identified with being the doer or the speaker. That's where the interruption comes in. If you think that there's something outside of you that's breaking something or stopping something, but the flow is in our heart. The flow just flows. They were like, what weren't you like listening to what he was talking about? I said, oh heavens, no. I said, surely you didn't try to follow some of those gyrations.  You know, it's just about being relaxed and being in the flow and not trying to follow the thoughts of the world. You know, it's about tuning in. Just like if you tune an FM radio, you tune and tune into the frequency and to that smooth crystal clear station and you turn away from the static into the crystal clear music. And that's how it is with listening to the Holy Spirit. You just, you practice tuning, tuning. Ah, yeah, got the vibe. Ooh, ooh, that's good. Found the sweet spot. Ooh, yeah. And then at this point when you're in the sweet spot with God, then the rest of the material world is immaterial. It's absolutely irrelevant. It wouldn't matter whether the bodies seem to be, you know, overlooking a beautiful canyon or in a concentration camp or, you know, often the ocean somewhere or in a mountain or in Wall Street or whatever, the location of the body has nothing to do with peace of mind. It's just tuning in to that, ah, that alignment with spirit. That alignment with spirit is not circumstance dependent. Isn't that wonderful? It doesn't matter what the circumstances are.  Ah, yeah. Ooh, right there. Crisp, clear, in line and tune.


Hey there, Chad Bonder here for our High University Libraries. If you're researching the wired telecommunications industry, this video demonstrates my top eight picks to use when researching that industry. Hopefully it helps you. So the first database we'll look at real quick is Plunkett Research. Simply when you get to the front page here with the industry research centers, just click on Telecommunications. And that will take you to the telecommunications homepage here. And primarily what I usually, when I'm looking at industry and company analysis, I will look at the statistics and the market research and trends section. So we'll just take a quick look here at the market research and trends section and show you some of the things you can find here. These are updated annually. And so it's a great resource if you know nothing about the telecommunications industry, a great resource to find good information there. And you can see the different topics that they look at. And this is updated once a year. And you can see it was just recently updated in July of 2012. So a fairly new resource that you can look at for overall understanding of general industry trends in the telecommunications industry. Ibusworld is another great resource to look at for just a general industry overview if you're just getting started. Just search for telecommunications there in the industry keyword box there. And you can kind of see what kind of information comes up. Here is your wired telecommunications carriers in the US, about a 35 or 40 page report. That could be useful and easier to typically update a couple of times a year at least. So good information that you can find there. If you click on the Home button in Ibusworld here, it's going to take you back to the home page. And you'll see there are these US business environment profiles. And these are really good, particularly when you're looking at doing your pest analysis. You can kind of see, these are really general, but you can kind of see what kind of things they talk about here. So for example, if we go down and look at the financial market, goods and services prices, things like that, these are all going to have impacts on different industries that you're looking at. So you can kind of see here's labor and demographics, all this kind of things that would be useful in kind of understanding your political, economic, social, and technological environment when you're doing a pest analysis for your industry. The next database we'll look at real quick is first research and simply type in telecommunications. Do a search there. You'll be presented with different results here. Here's your wired telecommunications services. And you can kind of see it covers all these general areas, business challenges, opportunities, insight, things like that. So if you want the full profile, just click there. And it will give you the full write up in one big report there. So a great resource to get started with understanding your industry and the telecommunications industry. Next resource we're looking at is passport GMED. And there's a couple of different sections you want to look at within here. If you go under countries consumers, there is a technology communications and media section inside passport GMED. And this takes you to reports about specific countries. So if we go under and look at country briefings in here and then go down and choose USA, click go here. This gives us a nice report on technology communications and media, USA. You can kind of see lots of different charts, figures, things like that, and give you all kinds of good information, particularly to understand the overall market. So probably a little more in-depth than Plunkett or Ibis or first research is, particularly when you're talking about different data and statistics and like that. So it's a great resource to complement those resources. The next section we'll look at in passport GMED. If you go under industries and then click on industrial here, we'll bring up the passport industrials menu here. And we'll just click on the search tree here. And we'll go down and look under transport and communications, what we're looking at there. And then click go. This will take us into this kind of search menu here. And if you actually drop down, you can kind of see there is a section here for telecommunications. I'll get rid of the transport and communications there. And then choose geographies. And these reports are only available under our subscription for the US. So we'll just do USA.  And this gives you lots of different tables and statistics and things like that for information about the industry. There's also this industry report here that gets updated about every 18 months or so. And what this will give you is information on the telecommunications industry in the US. And then you also have nice information here for it's like hierarchy of the industry. I like this a lot because it gives you information on attractiveness in the industry and also things such as buyers and suppliers and bargaining and things like that. So if we scroll down here, you can see even more information on that sort of thing. So here's your competitive environment, things like that, information about your buyers, things like that, suppliers, things like that. So it's a great place to get information, particularly on your supply chain and things like that. So good resource there. One source is another great resource to look for information on telecommunications industry. When you get to the database, you'll click on one source here and that's gonna actually take us into the one source database. And if you're looking for particular industry information, if we just go over and type in telecommunications or if you want to, if you know your NAICS code, you can type it in there as well. We'll just search for telecommunications and let's see, here's communication services, here's telecommunications, here's wired telecommunications carriers. So let's click on one of these NAICS codes here and our codes here, we'll just click on that one there. It's gonna take us into the industry in one source under wired telecommunications carriers. And you can see there's all these different market research reports, there's information about some of the companies that are available, news information, things like that. So I'm actually gonna click on, I like these Fredonia focus reports when I'm looking at US specific information. So you can kind of see this gives a nice, usually these are about 25 page reports. And you can kind of see they cover trends in the industry, things like that. Giving overview, market size, forecast, things like that. So great resource for that sort of information. If you're looking at international market, the BMI reports are pretty good reports to look at as well there. S&P Net Advantage is a great resource to look at for this industry as well. If you go to Net Advantage, click on the industries tab and this gives you the opportunity to actually click or select your industry in here. So you can kind of go in and say, well, there's communications equipment, there is communications, let's see what we can find in here. There is telecommunications wire line, what they're calling that. There's also cable. So there's one for broadcasting cable and satellite. So depending on your angle, you might want to look at both reports in there. You can kind of see the easy data every six months. They kind of talk about the trends and how the industry operates and things like that. So you can kind of see lots of information, lots of statistics and that kind of stuff. Now if you want to find, get the company data that's available in here, you can click on downloadable company data and this will actually give you an Excel spreadsheet. I'll open it here and give you all the data that's available in the report in the spreadsheet. And it's a really useful tool to look at, particularly when you want to understand all the different peers in the industry. So the spreadsheet is a nice comparative company analysis of our broadcasting cable and satellite companies and you get things such as ratios and things like that. And other things to look at when analyzing your companies and its competitors in that industry. Mergent is also a great tool to look for just specifically industry reports. All I have to do is click on report search and then go under industry reports here and then basically select the industry you're looking at researching. So we'll just do telecommunications here and then go down and click on search. And the nice thing about these reports, they are global in nature. So you see there's some for Asia Pacific and Europe, Latin America. Here's one for North America here. We'll just click on the PDF link there to get the report. These offer a little bit different coverage than say your report from Net Advantage does but it's still worthwhile looking at 28 pages and kind of see they talk about the environment in the U.S. and in Canada and things like that. So a good resource to look at, particularly to combine with some of the other reports that we've looked at in this video. Finally, we'll wrap up looking at business source complete which is typically an article database that has some industry and market research reports. Now I've done a search here for telecommunications and gotten over 364,000 articles here. Now what I like to do, some of these industry profiles are okay but they're not the best in the world. What I actually like to do is go under and look for trade publications for my industry. So I click on trade publications there, click update. Now we find things like telecommunications reports as an example. So if I click on the title here and then go and then actually click on telecommunications reports as the actual publication there. So we have provides thorough and timely coverage and in-depth analysis of the communications business. So that's a pretty good resource to look at when you're doing an industry analysis. If you wanted to you can actually go up and browse the issues and see what's available in the current issues. You can click on the full text link we'll actually go in and search and show you what kind of things that are going on in telecommunications industry here as well. You see we're only found less than 10,000 articles since 2003. If you wanted to, we can actually go in and actually search for particular topics there. So we can put an outlook or revenues or legal issues or lawsuits or even a particular company there will give you more information about your company from within this telecommunications reports trade publication, which would be a good way to kind of narrow your search down and find more relevant information on your topic. Hope this video gives you a better understanding of how to research your industry. So do you need more help? Look for the contact link on the business blog. Be glad to help you anyway. I can take care and best luck with your research.


This edition of the EDGE is sponsored by now-cached SA non-profit member the Trinity Market at Trinity University Catch up and get ahead with the EDGE for the week of August 15th After weeks of community criticism about the Bracken Ridge Park draft master plan the city neighborhoods and livability committee voted to Jettison the most controversial proposals and sent city staff back to ask the people who use the park what they want The committee chaired by district one councilman Roberto Trevino voted unanimously to cut unpopular proposals such as the people moving system Cutting the parking spaces and closing some roads go to now-cast SA for exclusive video of that meeting and the public hearings Whether we want to admit it or not the city has made mistakes around transparency inclusion The Westside Development Corp brought community leaders together recently to talk about the present and the future of the lower Fredericksburg Road Corridor The group shared a study by the st. Mary's University professor and economist Stephen Niven looking at existing conditions and the potential for Fredericksburg Road A key artery in San Antonio Then it was the community's turn to say what rest side projects they want to see in san antonio's 2017 bond package And really what we do is we help here in the west side of the economic development for developers for existing businesses But we also work very closely with the community that resides and lives in the west side of the city That the majority of the work that we do is to benefit the citizens who live in our community today Not those who may be here tomorrow San Antonio's mayor and city council approved SA tomorrow A plan to deal with as many as a million new residents over the next 25 years But was that plan strong enough to deal with the issues of sprawl and protection of the environment? Two councilmen with opposite views discussed it with rith kasey on KLRN's texas week Jews that have roiled city hall for decades issues over sprawl environmental protection And the rules that direct the city's development joining me to discuss the plan the debates And what's next our district nine councilmember joe crier and district eight councilmember ron nuremberg As the region looks at regulations to protect people and the environment the san antonio express news reports that 52 preventable deaths occur each year in the city because of unsafe ozone levels That's according to a report by new york university and the american thoracic society Which said lowering the ozone levels from the current 71 parts per billion to 60 parts per billion would be better for public health Find more on all of these stories on nailcast sa and as always thanks for watching the edge. See you next week


So today we're going to talk about the nine things a man will do that will break your heart These are not am I doing that right? Yeah Now really quickly before we get started with this broadcast I just want you to know that I read an article. I apologize I wrote down it took notes, but I forgot what where the article was About behaviors you should let go of when you're over 40 years old So the following represent behaviors every person should let go of but more importantly These are the behaviors that will most likely Savatage your relationship or whether you're a man or woman Even though the title says these nine things men will do that will break your heart. This is true for men and women alike Now before we dive into this I want to address the elephant in the room I want to address the elephant in the room and that is most of us dating coaches or Relationship coaches will tell you the behaviors. You should avoid so you can dump somebody, right?  You should pay attention to dump someone But the elephant in this the room is how many of us dating coaches? Truly know how to help you pick the right person Before you ever go on a date with the wrong guy Like like does do any of us coaches tell you what to do? How to pick the person before you ever go on a date with the wrong guy? Most of us are telling you what to observe in the first six weeks of dating or the first 90 days of dating but none of us give you the formula and I want to read you a post that I shared today and See if this resonates with you and then I'll get into these nine things in just a moment So my post on Instagram said It actually the the meme said emotionally unavailable people do not become Emotionally available just because you stayed and loved them. That was what the meme said and my post said the following Have you ever experienced someone in the lust or limerence phase? They can they can be very expressive, but their feelings once bountiful Come to a crawl shortly thereafter one of the reasons why I Advocate for almost every for for almost interviewing a person in the early stages is Because it gets them out of their body out of their body and Into their head While logic isn't necessarily a pathway to the heart It slows the process allowing one to get to their heart and hopefully choose from that place The challenge for too many people is that their heart is frozen or blocked giving them and giving them all in love in the world Will not heal them There is this misconception that the more love you give a person the more they will love you back However, a wounded soul needs healing and healing begins when one says I've had enough living an Unfulfilled life from the perspective of the heart okay Why am I sharing this with you? because I'm going to share it with you some nine things that you know that will break your heart in a moment And I think this would be rather obvious But you can actually do something before you ever go on a first date with someone And my invitation for you is to interview, but let's go even further and Interrogate the person. Okay Now I'm saying this a little tongue-in-cheek. However, some well-placed questions Before you ever meet someone could help prepare you to avoid the wrong person And by the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see up working with a coach's Right view my area of expertise is teaching women and men discernment And that means asking a few well-placed questions based on your Personality so you can avoid finding yourself in what every dating coach It tells you to do is avoid these types of people and as soon as I share this with you're going to go Well, duh Jonathan. That's just common sense. And yet if this was such common sense why are humans and And I'm guilty of what I'm about to share I am guilty of this Why are we humans believe that chemistry equals relationship success? In fact chemistry can whitewash or take great red flags and paint them green and I'm guilty of this folks I'm not here to profess that I'm the best at this. Okay. I'm as dysfunctional as the next human being out there I will never tell you that I'm here sharing from some space of You know divine expertise I'm literally sharing with you what I've observed Both as a coach and as both a human being out in the dating marketplace Now I'd originally was going to title this nine things you shouldn't accept from a man before sleeping with them or Excuse me after sleeping with him because I'm here to a spouse That sex should be sacred That's right. I have a very curate in point of view and I've been a pig I've been a dog. So believe me. This is this is hard for me because the Biological desire to be physically intimate with someone is incredibly strong And there's an old saying men are the gas you ladies are the brakes It is incumbent upon you and to initially slow the process down so you can get to know this person Dating is an experience of data collection. It's not about Attraction and romance. Yes, we all love the idea of being romance, but let's face it Romance leads to bad choices because we can take red flags and paint them green The minute that buy out that chemical cocktail starts searing through our bodies That says I want to be physically intimate with this person We have to operate from our logical side and I know that is a romantic Because the reality is folks Most men and women I read that blog to you most men and women have a frozen or wounded heart You ladies are no picnic either you guys just because you will will enter into commitment more so than men Doesn't make you any better at the capacity of giving and receiving love many times women chase love with broken man Typically the broken man tends to be the emotionally Constipated man the emotionally unavailable man the fearful avoid it or dismissive avoid it because the anxious man is Chasing love and he chooses the avoid it woman And if you're not familiar with what I'm sharing with you I highly recommend reading I highly recommend reading two books Wired for love by Dr. Stan cacti and then attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller But if you're watching this right now, just go back and replay this There's a link below to Jonathan recommends books in the show notes John and there's take you a PDF of all the books. I recommend Why do you need to understand this because we oftentimes get attached to the wrong person and then these nine behaviors? We will absolutely whitewash them We will paint these red flags green and believe me.  I highly recommend reading all the books I have listed below so you can prepare yourself to be in your logical mind Instead of your body because ultimately we want to merge the mind with the body so you can connect With your heart with your divine self and if you want to read an amazing book to learn how to connect with your heart I Highly recommend reading this book the untethered soul by Michael singer the untethered soul by Michael singer And then I want to remind you to read this book. Oh my god This is an amazing book called return to love by Marianne Williamson. Oh my gosh This will help you connect to your heart in a way that you never experienced before these aren't dating books These are books To prepare you for what I hope to achieve in my own life is a soul connection Okay, the nine things to look for number one is A man who's inflexible Or by the way a woman who's inflexible, you know what? I've noticed that there are a lot of human beings as they get into midlife 40 50 60 even seven years old. They're rather rigid.  This is the time to try new things This is the time to explore and not be rigid in one's life But many of you have such grooved lives Whether it is you're taking care of your children whether it's your workout routine whether it's your professional life Just to name a few or your friends some of you are so inflexible that it makes it difficult to do this And I'm speaking of men as well as women as well at men doing their golf and men doing their guys nights and things like that If you want to be in a healthy happy relationship, you have to learn to be flexible Because otherwise inflexibility causes rigidity, okay? number two If a man doesn't listen to you, you know, one of the most painful experiences in relationship And someone doesn't sincerely listen to you. They are much worse is when they're only Talking they're only communicating to respond, you know, healthy two-way communication Requires active listening. Where's my book? Oh God, it's the Dale Carnegie book Where is that book? It's somewhere here How to win an influence friends, you know, oh here it is You know one of the things that's talked about is learning the the importance of active listening So if you're a guy listening to this broadcast right now, I highly recommend you learn how to listen Now listening includes acknowledging the persons acknowledging the person for what they've said Validate what they said is true for them and Understand that the two of you could have different points of view especially when there's friction acknowledging what they said Validating what they said is true for them and recognizing what's true for them may be different It's okay to disagree, but if you're not actively listening if you're only listening to respond You're on the way of preparing to end or to sabotage a relationship In fact, there's another book. I want you to read It's called I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind Extraordinary relationships Michael Sorenson Jonathan all you do is recommending book after book after book Well, there is so much knowledge in these books and you can watch these YouTube videos on everyone I've just shared here today You can start listening to podcasts to improve who you are as a person my my whole premise as a coach Listen, I don't know what to text a guy that well Actually, I do know what the text a guy back if you text you certain thing But I don't teach that kind of bullshit stuff. I don't get into the granular stuff I'm more here to encourage how to become a sovereign human being how to become an empowered human being How to become in a human being who genuinely bump bump bump bump bump? Loves themself and by the way, this is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work under what look for Self-love the book comm highly recommend and again my book is a beginner version number three Being judgmental. Oh my god. Is that a relationship killer if you are with somebody who is habitually judgmental Then there's a good chance that this person will break your heart You know humans that don't have compassion for other human beings oftentimes make miserable partners to be with By the way, complainers make miserable partners to have you ever been with I'm going off subject here But you ever been with a guy who's a complainer?   It's kind of piggybacks and when I was talking about complainers, but people that are overly critical Oh my gosh, I remember once years ago I was in a relationship with a woman and she corrected my speech a number of times look I Don't know how many people know how hard it is to get in front of camera right here and be Incredibly articulate.  This is just Absolutely stream of consciousness, but people who are overly critical whether it's a man or woman.   They will effectively Put themselves in a position that will cause you to It's for cause them to end the relationship and break your heart number seven.  Oh my god We are swimming in a sea of powers Like righteousness When two people have difference of opinions, I'm right. No, I'm right. No, I'm right. No, I'm right.  That's so unprofessional of you. I'm sorry for those people that bring that up. I just laugh, okay? I Get it.  This is a subtle thing you know Avoidance do avoidance rarely take ownership that they could have done something that caused it and say Oh, I could do better next time just an observation. I have Okay, avoiding apologies number seven number eight being dismissive. Oh my god This comes back to being you know not taking ownership being overly critical being dismissive of someone I think is the cruelest thing And it'll effectively break your heart to be with someone who is dismissive to you and number nine Let me tell you something folks I believe the biggest challenge today in relationships is so few humans do personal development self-help and spiritual work Which I believe is an absolute necessity For the building blocks to a healthy happy relationship to read the many books.  Why are we doing this? Is it just companionship connection and sex or is there something more sacred here? And I scream at the top of my lungs Because I'm shaking. I'm shaking everyone up To start approaching the process a lot differently because as I said in the beginning the elephant in the room is We can we dating coaches and relationship coaches can tell you all day long who to break up with But if we were really doing our job, we could help you pick that person right from the get-go And I'd like to think I've got a better handle on it Because I believe in interrogating people early in the process I say that little tongue-in-cheek, but there's a little bit of truth to it. Anyway, those are the nine things A man will do that will most likely break your heart And by the way, whether it's a man or woman human beings should let these things go These are areas in your life that everyone can improve upon and I guarantee if you do the work You might find that you'll attract a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship in your life Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts and if it does resonate with you Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well All right, those who know my live format know It's time for q&a if you have a question for me In the chat box write the word question and post the question there after it's easier for me to find Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat Goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley.  Okay, so that was number nine All right So by the way, anyone who wants to join the hot seat. I just put the link there if you want to talk to me live I just put the link there and again if you have questions post the question Uh sunshine says I wonder what interrogation jonathan would recommend for men who cannot maintain an erection um You know, I think you know, I think it actually is incumbent of people to talk about sex before they ever have sex and actually has serious questions I will confess I use a blue pill I've been using it for several years. Okay.  Absolutely. Hey margaret just gave us a 14 dollar super sticker That means our goal is 35 more dollars for tonight. Thank you for the love margaret jane spitfires in the house If a man does not tell you he has sex problem before erectile dysfunction, what do you do that is hurtful if excited Yeah, I think, you know, like this is a tricky part. I think men and women alike have so much There's so much angst over sex Especially our capacity to perform Um, this is what I like talking about sex rather quickly, you know I mean find ask questions sexual questions as you're getting to know someone before you have physical intimacy find out, you know, by the way here In the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. Okay Now chapter three right there.  So let's go to chapter three Page 90 Let's see what kind of questions are listed here um Shoot, I can't find that's going to be too complex. Oh talk about frequency talk about fantasies talk about masturbation talk about prerequisites for sex These are conversations to have possibly before you're physically intimate. These are listing all of them right there Now I remember what page to turn on but go to the book and read it. This will help you Give you some context to how to approach it jane. Okay question From sunshine eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight eight Do we all just have to expect by agar these days? It's such a disappointment when men can't perform It's a total bummer to be like that.  It's so offensive. You have to take heart what high heart Medication for your high blood pressure. I mean you've literally just said it's so disappointing that you have to take Medication for your diabetes. It's so disappointing. You have to take medication for your thyroid It's so disappointing. You have to take medication for your tremors. You know what? We can't control this. Does it believe me?  Okay, why do you have to use lube? You know, I mean I it would be so disappointing that you need lube I mean just want you to think of the judgment associated with that I am obviously Radically riled up on this one. So I apologize But can you see how? If I said to you god, it's so disappointing. You need lube, you know, that would be insulting That's how I feel about that And you can stop watching me if that you didn't like what I just said Question, how do I handle gas lighting?  So what do you do if it happens habitually and the relationship? That's an emotionally immature person at least in my opinion. Anyway Mw where you repeat the books you recommend. Uh, listen, I will put this banner here write this down jonathan asley dot com forward slash book recommend book hyphen recommendations book hyphen recommendations. Okay All right Rosa says most men disappoint women in bed.  Okay Men can complain.  Anyways, that's my judgment there. So I take that back Let's keep going Bump bump bump bump bump Julie says good point jonathan. Thank you. I appreciate that gena's in the house Oh, let me just uh bump bump bump bump Okay, uh gena's in the house. Where is that? Where'd that go? Oh, here we go Why is it so hard for some to end the dance of narcissists codependent toxic relationship? You know, I I think it boils down to loving oneself I think the average human being suffers dearly in the capacity to love themselves and I think love attachment style is you know chemically bonded to another human being And healing childhood wounds that cause us to choose toxic relationships requires Herculean work. I really do. I think it takes Herculean work. I think it could take Years of therapy years of working on oneself. You know, it's interesting, you know I'm reluctant to share this personally because I recognize that I have I certainly in my younger days. I was a pig. I chased women just for sex I mean it was a typical guy at that point in my life And even at this point in my life, it's been a few it's been six months. I haven't been physically intimate I'd like to be intimate and I've had opportunities to sleep with women But I know they're not the one and it takes sometimes absolute discipline and restraint You know, the thing is self-discipline Is so radically hard for people. Look, we have a we have a country of obese people They don't have the discipline to cut back on food We don't have the discipline to cut back on drugs and alcohol We don't have the discipline to cut out sex or we don't have the discipline to cut out unhealthy Relationships because self-discipline requires herculean efforts And most humans don't aren't we're a fucking lazy society here in the united states in some ways, particularly on the emotional front This is why I beat the drum over and over and over again to read the book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive to heal childhood wounds and adult traumas That help us avoid those toxic types of relationships Okay Thank you so much Let's keep going Hey, one of our by the way, if you want to join my private group called midlife love mastery, there's a link below Also in the first comment section. Uh, this is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis I interact with the facebook members there. This is one of our facebook members So says what do I say to a boyfriend after he lied about Him not having erectile dysfunction. I have dated men who lied about erectile dysfunction and they couldn't get a full erection Look at this is the byproduct. I mean coming back to ladies Do you need lube? I mean, it's the same thing. So what other ways can you please each and I'm not a sex expert here Okay, I am not a sex expert What do I say to someone who lied? Just remember do you have any idea how incredibly shameful it is To not be able to have an erection. I mean the emotional effects for some men Is devastating and if there can't be compassion for those of you in this capacity Then I wonder if you really have the compassion to be in a relationship. This isn't just like you want compassion for men And I could start going down a you know a train track of stuff with women and how their whole body and their You know things related to their body part their, you know, their vaginas So this is a two-way street if you want compassion from their side, then you better have compassion from your side That's just my well. What do you do about someone who lied? Just have compassion for them Okay, and then you talk about how by the way, there are plenty of organizations that can teach you how to have better sex Both as in partnership. That's what you should be doing when that happens Can we get off the sex train here? Magic entertainer says why would by the way, does anyone want to join the come on Someone join the hot seat have some bravery and join the hot seat. I just put the link Why would someone keep blocking enough? Because they're nuts Because they're wounded human beings who are dysfunctional does the why really matter Why do you care magic entertainer? Why do you care? Why do you let it bother you? Those are two things I would be asking Why do I seem to care about a person that keeps blocking and unblocking me? And why do I let it affect me? I know you're going to come back and deny it because that's what people do But that's would be the questions I invite you to ask Sarah's in the house Why no, do you help people heal or move forward from a relationship only to help people who are currently dating? You know my area of expertise is not Emotional healing that's not I mean I recommend I recommend my coach Sabrina. She's great at that, but I recommend a lot read the book follow the work of Jeff Brown Grounded spirituality. He talks about somatic therapy. Can someone write that in the chat box somatic therapy? I highly recommend doing somatic therapy. This is this is basically emotional release work Our body stores up a lot of the energy of our wounds and traumas and emotional release work or somatic therapy helps one release that So when they can when they enter into a relationship, they're not their body isn't holding on to so much angst So that's what I recommend again rounded spirituality check out his facebook page and Learn about can someone write somatic therapy in the chat box. Thank you so much Sarah Mary Ann says personal by the way anyone if you want to write ask me a personal question Write the word personal question. I am more than I do my best to answer them Did you get to go to dance? How was it? I didn't I didn't actually have anything planned I I really do need to plan to go to one of Here's the problem. I am so by the end of the day. I mean I'm so spent professionally It's difficult if I have to go cross town to go to a place for me to go So but it's on my list to go dancing. So thank you for asking about that Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump Here we go. Julie's in the house How do I handle it when I get complaints like I'm told I'm not doing something correctly Punch them in the face um First off Definitely read the book on nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg nonviolent communication marshal rozenberg should have been called compassionate communication You know acknowledge what the other person said And you know to the extent that I appreciate that you have you I appreciate that you see a different way of doing something This is how I choose to do it if it doesn't work for me I will certainly acknowledge that your way was better, but just allow me to do something my way Just like i'm sure you would like me to you know Not judge or correct you if you're doing something a certain way And I just simply need some compassion for how I do things Okay All right. I hope that helps julie and that's just without a specific It's hard for me to give you a generalized question. Jeanette is in the house Hi, jonathan Hi How are you doing? Good. Thank you. How are you doing? Oh, I'm doing great since no one else was Wanting to get In the hot seat. I thought what the heck I'll give it a try All right, so give me your best shot Well, I have a question I belong I'm not on dating sites anymore. I I belong to a meetup group for 50 plus singles. Okay, and um My issue is i'm very friendly and It seems like most men I find seem to think that that means i'm interested but I mean, how do I I don't want to stop being myself and just not Be friendly Okay, so when you say that they perceive you as interested Tell me exactly what happens in your interactions and to give me examples of where this happened Like give me the like how recent has this happened for you Oh within the last couple of weeks and uh, give me an example of what happened Okay, so at one event at a you know watch party for a game Uh, I happen to sit next to one member that I never talked to before And uh, we just made small talk And then at the next event where we danced, um I guess he must have asked me to dance or I noticed he's an introvert He was just sitting there and there's always more women than men uh, I asked him to dance because Hey, let's face it. There's more women than men. So wait, wait, wait. So I want to understand something So I thought you said he asked you to dance. I miss him Well, I can't I can't remember if he asked me most likely. I probably asked him Okay, so you asked him and then what happened and you know, we danced I said, oh he said, oh, you're a good dancer I said, well, you're pretty good too And at another event there was like a ton of women that showed up and we only had like three or four men Show up and I want to go to that party. We're all There's like smart guys to go to those places Well, and I told this same guys I went up to him. I said now David, don't be shy About asking these women to dance because you know, we've only got about three of you men that showed up Okay, let's go back to the guy that you asked dance because you you start this conversation I'm friendly and they think I'm interested. So finish the balance of this Well, you know just by going, you know in in just like last friday, there's these two guys So finish the story about what did okay, so what did he do? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay Trust the boundary with you. Well, he messaged me through the app and Because there's another older guy, you know, I'm 64 and there's this Look at this other member bill who's 77 And we tend to sit together and we'll dance together and I dance with other guys too though And he messaged me this particular guy messaged me and wanted to know if I was tied to bill To bill and I told him we're just friends So I'm I'm thinking ahead and thinking oh, he wants to know if I'm tied to someone so he could ask me out Okay, and I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But what would you so if this guy does Ask me out I mean, how do I Let me ask you Why wouldn't you go out with him? I'm not attracted to him Um, I mean How do you again? I'm 64 and I know where you're going. I'm where am I going? Where am I going that? You can build attraction. I never said that I was not going to well It's like you can't Does he have a beer gut the size the taxes and he's missing too. No, he's he's skinny All right, so you know what? This is where I'm going to be candid with you. Is he a good man? Oh, I get my gut tells me he's a good man You know what good men are hard to find and by the way, there were three out of 30 in this room Why not go out on a date with him? What's so wrong with that? Well, you know, I I was kind of subconsciously thinking that earlier like what the heck just go out Okay, if you go out and they ask for a second date and you just don't Feel it I mean, you know, I I'm going to share something with you I've observed and I've interviewed thousands of women in happy Relationships and nearly one third of them have said to me and I quote I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third date And something changed See men tend to fall in love between with their eyes and women tend to fall in love between the ears And what that means to say is I mean unless you are so grossed out by him that you literally like like this If he's not, you know, if he's halfway pleasant looking You've got nothing to lose by giving it a shot. Well, I didn't want to say it, but he's he's homely Okay, well, I mean, okay on a scale from one to ten. Where do you Hey What am I? Yeah, I don't know. I I'd say five Okay, so what does that make him?  He isn't you said he doesn't he's he doesn't have a beer gut Besides the Texas and he isn't missing a couple front teeth. I mean I I think Okay, you know what you're entitled to do what you want. So now we're coming back to your question How do you handle it? You just simply say thank you so much. I don't have that kind of feelings towards you Gosh I don't feel like I don't resonate with you. Okay.  That's just cool.   Okay Like that's what you like are calling him the elephant man and I guarantee he's not And I for his sake I hope he meets someone who can appreciate his looks and I hope you can find someone you feel attracted to But I'm here to say is If you don't if you want to be able to articulate that you're not interested just say thank you so much I really appreciate the invitation. I don't have those kind of feelings for you Well, and the other issue is In what are the odds? I've got three men. I know are interested and they're all three 77 years old Hey, I'm at this point in my life I want to have some history with someone. I mean 77. That's my father's 98 years old. Okay My mother died at 88. Okay So sweetheart, you can be with a guy 77. He might live to 97. You might only live to 87 That means you're pretty close to gonna die at the same time.  But what we can do is give our heart fully and the best we can Because if you're always waiting For that right circumstance, guess what happens You're that skeleton in that cage you see in those pirates of the caribbean movies. Okay Okay So thank you for having the bravery to deal with some of jonathan's tough love. I really appreciate that I hope we answered your question And I hope you do come back for more if you don't feel like I beat you up Okay, well, and I know I mean I was prepared and I appreciate the candor, you know, so yes Um, well, thank you very much jonathan. All right big hugs to you. Okay. Appreciate it. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye So folks, you know, I I'm sorry I feel a little like I'm a little tough on her because I just didn't appreciate the one You know, I mean to call the guy out as a one But I will say this there are going to be Circumstances where you're gonna meet someone who isn't your type, but you'd be surprised A man's heart Can outweigh his looks I believe If a man is a genuinely good man of good character and he's got a heart Those are men you should give chances to that's my opinion. Anyway, and janette. Thanks for taking the having the bravery to join On the broadcast today all right Oh, we I'm sure we've got a lot of questions that have popped up since then By the way, anyone else want a little tough love join the hot seat. I just put the link there Uh Oh, here's one of these long. Okay. I am currently In a long distance relationship some days he communicates a lot the next day. I don't hear from him We have a 12 hour difference. This is really getting hard to handle Uh, what do you recommend? I recommend dating in person. That's what I recommend and if you don't otherwise If you're going to do long distance dating that have a plan of how to take the distance And put you guys in the same room and in this case if it's 12 hours That means you're a continent away, which most likely means any you are in what's known as a cyber relationship And most likely what you're experiencing is artificial intimacy And i'm not a big fan of artificial intimacy and cyber relationships I think two people to truly get to know one another need to physically do social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with Family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical emotional Intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married. That is my recommendation All right, arora is in the house. Uh, oh, she's smiling because she knows Hi Hi, can you hear me? Okay. Yeah, I can hear you. Okay. So I don't have a question. I have a testimonial Oh, okay. Yes. I wanted to thank you my soldier ended up staying So he didn't get deployed the oh, yeah, I remember you now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, by the way Tell everybody really quickly that's never didn't hear the back story. Okay long story short. I met um this gentleman on bumble of all things And um, I wanted to say something So, um, we met in december. We were dating but he admitted that he was um Well admitted but he disclosed that he was going to be deployed and um We were waiting to hear word on that and it just so happened there was like a paperwork issue with an allergy he had and It turned out just long story short that he's not being deployed But he has to do this panel for the next two years And we were praying and we were you know thinking about what am I going to do because my quandary was Was I going to be in a long-distance relationship with him while he was overseas? and I was contemplating that and Thinking about it and you know, we don't want to do cyber relationships. It was a very deep new relationship So, um, it turned out that he ended up staying and now we can take a breather and continue our relationship and date Okay, so let's get some backs. Let's let's give you some coaching right now. Yep for it I am but I don't want to tell you two other things too. He did the contract. I told him about you I told him about the contract. He was already Dating vows by the way By the dating vows there's a link below to get a copy of jonathan's dating vows Yes, so we did and how did he respond the dating vows are basically an agreement two people make Before they're physically intimate with one another to kind of set the stage like like a wedding vow to set the parameters Of how we're going to approach this. How did he receive the dating vows? He literally told me this is how people should be in relationships anyway I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you say that one more time He literally responded that this was like a no-brainer.  Okay What's the second thing you want to share? Yes, and and the other thing I want to tell you jonathan I wanted to thank you for sharing your personal story and your breakup and how you are navigating being single and going out there Because I was very much against going back on the dating sites I didn't want to do it anymore and I said i'm not going to do this But I thought about it you said that doing that and having a bumble profile and sharing your profile was an avenue It was just an avenue to be open to the universe and and allow this to come in And I said okay fine, and I went on it and and now here I got a wonderful man so far Everything's working out great, and I want to thank you jonathan Okay, you're very welcome. So Now we're gonna ask you some questions. Okay, when did you first okay? When did you first meet them? How long ago december 14th? We first connected on bumble Okay, so we are at january 29th for those that are watching this month later So roughly about six weeks ago you physically met on you connected on bumble sick And did you have a when was your first date? We had a video chat, which I guess would be the first date on 23rd of december Okay, and then when did you physically first meet them that tuesday? So that would have been um, maybe the 27th. I think okay. All right You guys go out for new year's eve. You know what he was going to buy a ticket to do that I had when you say buy a ticket. Where does he live? I went out with a group of friends to a nearby place I didn't have the kids this year. So I went I went to a nearby place with some friends Who did a new york's eve party and he was gonna he bought a ticket.  Now since then gosh, um Honestly probably five or six Okay, so in about a six week seven week period you guys have gotten together about six seven times Yes, at least twice a week Okay, and you've obviously been intimate because you did the dating vows. We did the dating vows By the way, since the whole conversation earlier was about sex without betraying a confidence here. How was it? Wonderful. Okay. Good to hear. Also. We talked about everything ahead of time Okay, you talked about sex ahead of time. Wasn't I just declaring that earlier in this video? Okay, good to hear. Okay. So what are the red flags? um Well, um, let's see good question. I think you know what the red flags right now is that I'm very Outgoing and bubbly and high energy and he's he's very chill. He's a virgo. I'm a Pisces.  I mean and by the way, I know you appreciate that I've shared aspects of my previous relationship I like well, I liked mostly that she was chill whenever I was a basket kick Okay, so I just appreciate someone who has a chill personality But I will also say that one of the challenges in my relationship was that we were both too chill You know, I mean it actually needs someone bubbly You need the person who's chill needs the the contrast the polarity to lift the other person up So long as coming back to they have a flexible personality that they have an agreeable personality Yeah, he's very flexible and chill I think I might need Ian to ground me Actually So he's in the military Yes, okay, and how old is he? He is seven years younger than me Okay, well, I think you're blushing. Okay, so um, so all right, so he's he's 43. He's 43. Okay, so you're 50. Okay For the record my relationship before maria I was with someone 10 years older. Um, so okay, so Now how so what does he do for a living? I mean, is he a military person? Is that what he does? No civilian job is it? Oh, okay. So so this is so not me. What's the likelihood he could get deployed at any time in the future? You know what he has to now go through the whole panel for two years and and then after that it would be Maybe another five years. It's a five-year rotation. So okay, and when was his last significant relationship? Um, he said uh four years ago Okay, and is he is he married divorced? He's completely divorced Okay, and how's his relationship with his ex? It's it's amicable, but she lives in another state with one of their children. So oh even better Yeah, I know I know I know Okay, so okay amicable, uh, and how's and are you divorced? Yes. Yeah And how's your relationship with your ex? It's it's as much as you know amicable It's amicable much much more than used to be so yeah, right and well I'm bringing this up because contentious relationships with exes bleed into or you know, um Marriages bleed into every new relationship. So far so good All right, so Did I say what red flags are so you said red flags as he's chill? You're too high strong That would be the only thing I could see so far Okay All right. All right. You have my blessing. Keep going forward Don't create make babies. No. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. We're both not gonna do that. We're done We want to travel that that sort of thing is traveling. So we already talked about that I want to just say this first off you are a shining example of what By asking deeper questions particularly with the dating vows How I can actually establish deeper intimacy with another person Okay, I would even recommend reading some of the books that I've outlined here today that I continually outline Because this is how you can build deeper intimacy when you build deeper intimacy with a person It actually bonds you to them. This is where deeper friendship lies when you can be vulnerable You can be authentic You can be transparent with one another and you're still in the honeymoon phase But I just don't want you to forget the vetting stage is equally as important as well Because we can get attached and we can turn red flags into green flags when we're wrapped up in that lust and limerence phase so just remember to Be detached to the outcome And by the time you get to the three-month mark if the two of you are saying hey We want to take this to the next level then dive in because love is Love is the most awesome thing on the planet. So yeah, drive into it full hard to feel this way again. That's for sure All right, well arora. Thank you so much for for sharing and I appreciate the testimonial big Thank you. Thanks for you. Thank you so much. Jonathan. All right. Bye. Bye now Wow, what a wonderful example of taking charge of your life ladies. I am here to continually encourage you To remember that you are in charge of your relationship destiny Do not give that up to a man and what that means is you ask deeper questions early on to establish What direction are we heading because as I said in the beginning of this broadcast? Sexes should be sacred Okay, and it should be reserved for people that you're actually exploring a relationship with and I recognize that most of us dating coaches Will give you advice to how to avoid the wrong person you're currently in relationship in But i'm here to encourage asking deeper questions early on before you ever physically get intimate with a man Because that puts the odds in your favor that puts the odds in your favor. All right We've got uh, some more people have asked questions here Bear with oh, I just want to give props Jeanette Thanks for the love the 50 dollar super sticker. That means we have 65 tonight. That means we have 35 more dollars to go Thanks for the love and I want to give some props to um Rosa for the nine dollars ten dollar super sticker. That means we have 25 more dollars to go to hit 100 tonight Thank you for that Jane spitfire says I always like military men. You know what? Here's the thing about military or People that are firemen policemen military people CIA agents. No, we can't count those because they're they could be liars What's fascinating about that is what they have what's known as protective chemistry. Does anyone remember the movie? um Twilight Edward a vampire, you know because of his skill set. He could protect Bella Okay, and there's something incredibly Toxicating about those men by the way folks.  I just don't have that skill set 99 out of 100 men weren't or maybe 90 out of 100 men were just not trained how to fight But there is something incredibly sexy about those that can protect you and I can understand Why jane spitfire says I always like military men. So thanks for sharing that Uh, sunshine says good that he's younger. Yeah, that's kind of cool By the way, if I by the way, if I was in my 20s, I'd be dating older women. I think older women are hot Uh, john are the dating vows in your book. No Dating vows are listed below in my in in my show notes folks book recommendations and dating vows And I will post it in the first comment On this when this video ends. I will post all the links to connect with me. Okay And w says uh roar is pretty I agree. What a great smile What great energy both women had both janet and aurora. I think they were both beautiful women All right. Oh lighthouse just gave us a $20 super sticker. Thank you for the love. Oh my god I really appreciate the love tonight. Thank you all so much Hey, we just come up on an hour. So I think this will be a great place to wrap up Uh, just a reminder those nine things a man will do to break your heart I'll just recite them really quickly if he's inflexible If he's not good at listening if he's judgmental if he holds grudges being overly critical Uh neglecting self-care avoiding apologies being dismissive and avoiding personal development People that do that will most likely break your heart folks. Thank you so much for allowing me to enter your life tonight If you have something to share post the comment below I did my best to read them all from the first 24 hours as always if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well And by the way in the show notes and in the first comment are a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you my group called midlife love mastery. Follow me on instagram get the book recommendations or get my dating vows It's listed there Julie says I like your passion. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Elena says another great conversation. Thank you so much. I appreciate that as well And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first. I've given myself a big gigantic Jonathan barrack of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow You've entered them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jenette and aurora and julie and magic entertainer and jane spitfire and power of chi and Lindsay and beach lover and alana and six seven oh three four five uh lighthouse uh dianne margaret Sharon sara rosa lisa dianne nw And everyone tracy and everyone else big hugs. Thanks for the love. Have a wonderful fabulous evening. Take care


Let me show you what this bad boy can do. So hey guys, welcome to another episode of Titanium Man Garage. And today I've got something new in store for you. I got an old video I'm going to renew. I reupholstered a ATV seat about two and a half years ago. Didn't have the greatest camera, the video didn't turn out too hot. So today I'm going to show you how I reupholster a seat. And actually it's not too bad. So sit back, have your favorite cocktail, enjoy the show. I've been working on the Sportsman for about a week now. And the guy that I got from tried to reupholster the seat. This is that gripper back type material. It's too short for the seat. He never finished it either. He started stapling it. So that's going to make my job easier. You can see here he's got it. So I don't have to remove all his staples. But I will show you how to take the staples out. So what you're going to need for this job is you can get a lot of the stuff out of Walmart actually. This is a staple puller. Your staples you get at Home Depot. And I bought this online. It doesn't have to be that expensive of a gun. But you want to head like that about that wide. It's about an inch wide I'd say. It's an upholstery staple gun. This is a 3 plus. It does the job good. If you're doing a scrambler seat, it's kind of nice because you can kind of get in at an angle. It's just a flat stapler type of gun. Yeah, that's pretty much all you're going to need. Your seat cover, of course. I got this off of eBay, Joe Mama. Joe Mama, I like that name. I order all my seat covers through her. She does a great job. I'm not getting paid to plug this, but I'm just telling you that's where I get all my covers from. All of them fit nice.  I'll show you the next step. Alright, step one. So this is where the staple puller is going to come in. Like I said, I'm fortunate this guy had already pulled all the staples out. To make this easier, like if you've got an old seat, I take a razor blade and I'll just cut the material along the edge here, just get it out of the way and I'll just start pulling them out. And I'll cut the section off and just pull it as I'm going. This actually works really good. It gets under the staple and bites it down and pulls it right out. And these are new staples. You can also just grab it and pinch it if you want to pull the rest of the staple out. Alright, I got the seat cover off and you can see there's imperfections in the foam. What I like to do is I'll take a little foam and I can get some one inch foam or something a little smaller and try to fill that in. Otherwise when you put the new seat cover on, you're going to see those ripples when you start pulling things tight. This maybe not so much. Maybe I'll actually take a piece of this fabric and just try to fill that in and tape over it. But this gouge is pretty deep. So I might try to fill it in with a little one inch foam or maybe even half inch foam and put some tape over it to keep it down and hopefully that'll keep some imperfections away. So you can see I cut up some of that old cover and I'm filling this in. I'm just going to take some black tape and tape over that. That'll fill that in nice. That won't show. So I'll get some foam for that and make her look pretty. Alright, so I got my T-50 staples.  Let's get this show on the road. Alright, so I got my my repairs done. What I like to do is try to get everything laid out nice first. Line everything up. So you have seams here that are sewed in so you want to make sure they're in the right spot. Just trying to get that in the right position. Alright, make sure I got my seam lines lined up. Two lines around the bone here and I got to squirt it off. Pop two staples in right here and I'm going to go ahead and pull that site. So this tightens up and I can always readjust this later on. Pop two staples right here. That's just the whole everything in place while I'm stapling. I'm going to start from the two sides. Wrap that ground. Make sure the front's all snug and then I'll start working my way down.  It's hard enough, but like this now I've got too much fabric on this side and the other side. I might change that. The next step is I want to make sure I get this bow out of here. Now I'm pulling on both sides really hard. I'm probably going to wrap this really tight as tight as I can. Staple it. I'll probably let the staples out here and then pull that forward. So this one's getting to be a little tricky. Pretty good. This one is not stretching out the way I want it to. Still getting a buckle in the back. So I can always take some steam to it later on. I'll try to get this little bubble out. So I can stretch this really hard and I'm going to take these staples off and pull it a little better. I do the back. I can probably pull it tight. Generally I don't use like quarter inch staples. They don't poke through. Pretty good. Nice and tight. Stretching and pulling involved. The side's looking really good. I'll do the other side. I'm going to get your wrinkles out. I can finish stapling everything else up. You just got to cut your trim off and that looks nice. I'll take a couple subscribers say you know every time I click a video on how to fix something on my four wheeler the command pops up. I do wraps. I do seat covers. I do rubble engines, transmissions. You know I am like the jack of all trades. I am not an expert in anything. But I've got the willingness to do something and an open mind and a willingness to learn. And that's all you need.  So it sits decent on the machine. Staple any excess loose ends you see along the way. Here's a little bit loose. Pop one in here.  I got this bad boy all finished. So if you've been watching my channel for the past week and know what I'm talking about I've got all the wiring grumblings out of this bad boy.  I got it all buttoned up. I wanted to give her a little titanium man touch with the new seat cover. Got all the lights to work and it does stop.  But yeah. This looks nice. I'll tell you what. Take an old machine like this clean up the rims and tires and put a seat cover on it. She'll bring in a good price. It makes it look not younger. Let's put it that way. This is a 1998 and I clean up the plastics real nice. I can make this thing look shiny and new. So I hope you all like my video. Like I said I had to redo my seat covering video because it was kind of cheesy from three years ago. And I went with the camo because I got the green plastics. So it's turned out pretty nice, nice tight. She sits out in the sun.  This will all tighten up real nice. The heat will tighten everything up. So now the part you've probably been waiting for. Got my jump pack on. Still have a battery for this thing. Everything wired up nice. Now when I turn this on the lights actually work. Did hot wire the fan so it doesn't overheat. Here you have it folks. Thanks for watching my video. Hit the thumbs up. Hit subscribe if you haven't. I've got plenty of players for pairs. And like always till next time.