So this topic about nurturing spirituality in teenagers' lives in the teenage home, I actually have not written an article on this topic and I've never given a talk on this topic. So it was a group, but it is a topic that's very dear to my heart and I've been doing what I always do before I write any piece or give any talk. I've been crowdsourcing, which is I have been going to parents and families that I really respect and trust and admire who have a proven track record for how they've raised their own families and asking their advice for what they would share with people about spirituality for our teenagers and how to nurture it. And so as I was speaking to these parents and these families, I noticed that three main themes have kind of come out for in order for us to set ourselves up for success when it comes to teenagers and nurturing their spirituality. So those are the three major themes that I'm going to be going over with you today. So before we begin, I would highly recommend that everybody have either a pen or a pencil on some paper to take notes because I will be sharing names and titles of books and podcasts and websites. And so I know people are going to want to jot them down and you won't want to be scrambling for a pen at that time. So just be prepared ahead of time. Okay. So before we begin, the first thing we need to do is define our terms. Like what even what is spirituality when we say that we want to nurture spirituality for our children? What does it mean? What does it not mean? And so I want to make it clear that what I'm talking about today is not about how to teach your children religion. It's not about teaching them rules and teaching them fit and sharia. Ideally that there should have been a foundation laid for that building up to the teenagers. When I'm talking about spirituality, it's about that connection with the divine that we all have all children have all teenagers have all human beings have. And it says God consciousness, which some in Arabic often gets divine defined as Allah, God consciousness. It's having your glasses on, as we say, like looking towards the Akhira, looking towards Allah's pleasure, looking towards accountability, knowing that we have to answer for our lives here on earth one day. And that there is a record that's been kept. It's the Christians have this bumper sticker that they like to put on their cars called WWJD. What would Jesus do? So just thinking, you know, they think what would Jesus do in the situation? We would be thinking what would Allah swt want from me in the situation? What would the Prophet ﷺ do? So this is all elements of spirituality that we have in us. Now the question is how do we nurture that? How do we bring it out in the years 13 through 19, which is a very, very exciting time. I have three sons, Mashallah. My eldest is 24 years old now. My middle one is 22 years old. And my youngest, the baby of our family is 17. He'll be 18, inshallah, in another couple of months, inshallah. So I've had quite a bit of experience dealing with teenage boys in the home and Mashallah and many, many nieces and nephews around that age. And I also have students that I have been teaching over the past 30 years now. And many of my students now are married and have children of their own, alhamdulillah. So spirituality is not what is very, very popular these days in the world. The field of spirituality where it's just about having a certain look. It's about using a certain kind of language. It's about reciting poetry. That can be an offshoot of spirituality. But like I explained, spirituality, the way I'm defining it today for the purposes of our discussion, inshallah, is a connection to the divine and having an awareness of your Lord and Creator. So talking to these parents, how do we nurture spirituality? The number one thing every single family told me is that the foundation that you have to have in order to be able to nurture spirituality during the teenage years is you're looking at your own relationship with your children. That it should be healthy. It should be functional. It should be a respectful relationship looking at your own relationship with your children. And of course, looking at your own relationship with your Creator. Because as we like to say, children listen with their ears.  Children listen with their eyes, meaning you can be giving all the lectures and all the talks that you want. But your kids are actually watching you and noticing you. And they are learning a lot from what they see coming from you. So Imam Ali, radiallahu anhu, he has a famous hadith that I'm going to paraphrase right now. And what's fascinating about his hadith is that it is completely in line with modern psychology, what we know about children's development, psychological development. So Hazrat Ali, radiallahu anhu, he's talked about the three stages of parenting. And he said, for the first seven years, play with your children. So zero to seven, play with your children. For the second seven years, teach your children. So seven to 14 is when you teach them, you're teaching them their fiqh, you're teaching them sharia, you're teaching them adab, you're teaching them the dos and the don'ts of the religion, you're teaching them how to think about Allah swt. And then he said, the third seven years, you're their friend.  And and he said that after that, you let them go. So that's around age 21. And inshallah, inshallah, Allah swt has put the fiqh in our efforts. Inshallah, they will hopefully be on a path that we had been hoping for the entire time that we were working with them. So the stage that we're talking about today is that stage of the third stage, which is when you are their friend, so 14 to 21. And what I've seen in my time of raising my sons, and many of my friends have noticed this as well, is that around the age of 14, it's actually very difficult to start introducing anything new. So whatever routines and patterns and rhythm you have established over the years in your family, that's kind of what you're just continuing through these years. And it's become kind of the habit and the routine in the home. But to all of a sudden, try to introduce something new and say, okay, we're going to start being religious now, or we're going to start taking on this act of Ibada, honestly, unless the kids are motivated to do that on their own, or they've been inspired from somewhere from a teacher or from a lecturer or a book that they might have read, it's hard to get kids to take that on because you as a parent are now saying that this is something that we need to be doing. So keep that in mind that that patterns get established kind of up until age 14. And now you're going to be in maintenance mode. Now when we look at our relationship with our teenagers, it's really important to take stock and see where we at what does our relationship look like. And the way you work on having a successful relationship with your teenager is that you bring those qualities to your relationship to your friendship that you would bring really honestly to any adult that you were trying to be friend that you wanted a relationship and a connection with. So what is that going to entail? What does that kind of relationship look like? Well, here's what doesn't work. I'm going to start with what doesn't work and then we'll go into what does work, inshallah. So and as I'm going through this list, all of us should be looking at ourselves and thinking, okay, is this something that I'm trying to do and have seen that it's failing? Is this something that I've been doing? And I'm actually seeing success from it. So the first thing that pretty much all of us parents of teenagers know, and we learn it the hard way, is that lecturing and nagging is useless. It doesn't work. Lecturing and nagging does not work. Recently, I observed a grandmother who was in a car with her grown adult children, and pretty much the entire drive, she was literally nagging her children, telling them what they need to do, what they need to improve, what they need to be working on.  And at one point, one of them laughed and said, oh poor mama, you're always trying to help us. You're always trying to fix us and make us better. And it must be so heartbreaking to see that it doesn't really work. You don't get anywhere with all the lecturing. They didn't use the word lecturing because that would have been disrespectful. But that's what they meant that with all the lecturing and the nagging, you're not really getting anywhere. And the mom said, well, it's my job. It's my job to tell you when I see things that aren't good about you, like I need to point it out to you because only a mother can do that and you need to know this. And so one of the adult children asked her, in all sincerity, have you ever seen it work? And she said, what do you mean? Have you ever seen it work where your lecturing and your nagging has actually gotten you the results that you've desired, desired where a person actually changes who they are and how they are because of the constant reminders. And the grandmother sat there and thought about it for a bit. And then she actually realized she didn't have any examples. She kept saying, I'm going to come up with an example where it has worked, but she wasn't able to. And so I think there's a very deep truth there that you may get instant results where, like, if you're nagging somebody to clean something up, yeah, they may clean it up for you to make you happy in that moment. But does it make them a clean person? Does it make them a neat and tidy person? No, it doesn't. So lecturing and nagging is useless. The second thing is getting angry is useless because what happens with when we lose our temper with our teenagers and we're unhappy with what we're seeing in them, honestly, we're only making ourselves feel better by getting out our anger. If what we're actually looking for is results in our teenagers, then it's pointless because getting angry doesn't work. You don't see long term results. You only see short term results where somebody may act in the moment, but you don't actually get the long term results that you're hoping for. The other thing that doesn't work is comparing kids. And I have learned this the hard way because, masha'Allah, we've been very blessed in that my sons have had very, very amazing and very impressive friends who I really admire and respect. And as my kids were growing up, I would sometimes point out the really good qualities and the other children basically saying, why can't you be more like them? Even if I didn't use that language, they thought the messaging that I was kind of hoping that they would be more like their friends who were impressing me. And the truth is that backfires. What comparing children does is it engenders bitterness in your children and it also unfortunately damages their relationships with their friends who they probably had no problems with before. But now because they know that their parents are holding their friends up or their cousins up on a pedestal and they themselves are realized that they're being seen down here, it can affect their relationship and you don't ever want to be the reason for any negativity in their personal friendships. Okay, and then criticizing.  It's not from the sunnah. That's all we need to know. Anas radi Allahu Anhu was in the Prophet ﷺ's home for 10 years. He grew up from a child to a young adult. And so we have learned a lot about what the Prophet ﷺ was like with young people from his hadiths from the stories and anecdotes that he's told us. And he said that in the 10 years that he lived with the Prophet ﷺ, the Prophet ﷺ never got angry with him, never criticized him, right? He always treated him with respect. And so that's an important example for us to learn from. Okay, so what does work in creating a healthy relationship? Gentle reminders. So obviously as parents it is our job to guide our children. Sheikh Faraz Robani gave a really good analogy. He said, we're not policemen and we're not judges when it comes to our children, but we're more like shepherds, right? And as shepherds, we want to gently guide and nudge our children to where we want them to go. So gentle reminders. So like the Prophet ﷺ when Anas radi Allahu Anhu was sent on a chore, on a task by the Prophet ﷺ, he was on his way and he got busy playing with some neighborhood children. And he forgot about the task that he was supposed to do. And the Prophet ﷺ came looking for him at one point, saw him busy playing on the street. And instead of getting angry and losing his temper and saying, why didn't you do this thing that I asked you to do? How could you forget? Gave him a gentle reminder in the form of a question. He asked him, did you take care of that such and such thing that I had asked you to do? And Anas radi Allahu Anhu realized that he hadn't and apologized and was quickly on his way taking care of what he needed to do. So a gentle reminder. What else?  Do you want me to just be wearing my listening hat? Like where I'm just listening to what you have to say and not, you know, jumping in with my opinions or my thoughts? Or do you want me to be wearing my advising hat? Like, are you actually looking for advice? Because sometimes kids share things with us simply because they want to vent. They don't really want to hear a lecture. They don't want to hear every opinion that you have. They just want to be able to hear themselves processing their own thoughts. And so talking to your kids and saying that, you know, what is it exactly that you need from me? Because I want to make sure that I'm giving you what you need. And then responding accordingly. So sometimes that might mean you're just listening. And sometimes it might mean that you are actually giving them your advice and your opinions on how best they can handle their particular situation. And that shows respect that you're giving them time and space before jumping in with your own personal opinions. Another thing is for you to build a positive relationship with your children is to share in what they want to do. So, you know, watching movies with them, watching TV with them, if that's something that they do, playing sports with them, playing video games with them, that'll give you an idea of what's going on in those video games as well. Going hiking with them, going outdoors with them, things that they're passionate about and are excited about, participating in that with them and offering opportunities to do those things. A lot of times the kids are going to want to do it on their own or with their friends. But you can also provide opportunities to do it as a family and to do it where you're involved with them as well. Kids appreciate it when they know that their parents are interested in what they're doing. In the teenage years, kids are really excited about the Niawi things. You're not going to see them being super excited about religious things. That's where we're going to have to share our excitement about the things that we're passionate about that we want to share. But if you find out what your kids are excited about and what they're passionate about, if you really, really dig deeply, you will be able to find some element of the divine in that thing that they are passionate about. You can get the kids to even, gently, you can get them to think about things in spiritual terms and to reflect on the divine. For example, I have a friend whose son has gotten really into skateboarding recently. He's very passionate about it. He spends hours practicing and going to skate parks and getting the appropriate clothing and investing his money in his skateboards. It's not something that my friend was really comfortable with. It's not something she grew up with. It's not common in her culture.  She's obviously, she's talked to her son about that, about their clear boundaries, about what's allowed and what's not allowed. But at the same time, she's taking an interest in his skateboarding. She goes and she watches them every now and then. She sees videos that he has to share about famous skateboarders. And then she talks to him about how it's so amazing that Allah SWT has put this drive in him, that he's getting passionate about something, about the idea of balance, of how you're able to balance yourself on a skateboard. And another thing she's able to share with him is about the prayer that we do for traveling. That's a prayer that we do whenever we get in a car and go driving anywhere. And so the translation of that dua, she shared with him, is glory unto him who created this transportation for us, though we are unable to create it on our own. And unto our Lord, we shall return. That's, it's really beautiful to be able to point out to children that look during the time of the Prophet SAW, when he said this dua, they only had donkeys and camels and horses to use as transportation. Allah SWT could have put in this dua that glory unto him who created this animal for us, right? Or who created this horse for us or this donkey for us or this camel for us. But he didn't. Allah SWT said who created this transportation for us because look what came around in the future. We've got jet planes. We've got rocket ships. We've got cars. We've got motorcycles. We've got elevators. We can do this dua on an elevator. We can do it on a ferris wheel. We can do it on a skateboard, right? This dua applies even to riding a skateboard. So be sure to do this dua when you get on your skateboard because I want you to always be safe. So reminding the children about the miracle of our religion and tying their passions back in some way that doesn't come across as lecturing and nagging, but actually comes out as a sense of complete sense of awe. Like, wow, this is so amazing and sharing that joy with your children so that they want to share and continue wanting to share with you. One of the things my friend said to me, the one whose son is a skateboarder, is that she said we need to give our kids a space to develop their relationship with the divine in ways that may not be outwardly Islamic, right? It may not be like we might imagine our kids being spiritual, being that they have long beards, you know, our sons have long beards, our daughters are wearing hijabs and abayas and they're going to the masjid and they have a miss behind their hand and there's a certain idea we have in our head of what it looks like to be spiritual. But spirituality can be really in the daily minutiae of life, thinking about your Lord, thinking about your Creator and reflecting on His majesty and reflecting on Him with awe and joy and complete love, right? So it's going to be important, especially those of us who are from different cultures than the culture in which our children are growing up in, that we differentiate between culture and Islam and be comfortable with that which may not be familiar with our culture. So for example, my friend whose son is a skateboarder, he wanted to wear necklaces and she wasn't comfortable with that because she's not used to men wearing necklaces in her culture. However, her son was able to bring it back to her that, you know, he's not wearing gold, which he understands would be haram. He's wearing like these wooden beads and it's a look amongst skateboarders and unless it's specifically prohibited in the religion, she realized that she couldn't prohibit him from it and she let him know that, that, you know, we live our lives within the confines of our sharia and our fiqh and, you know, more power to you. There's nothing that says that you can't wear wooden beads around your neck. Another friend, her son, wanted to do corn rows in his hair, you know, braids. He wanted to grow his hair out long and that was something she wasn't comfortable with. All the men in her family have always had short hair, clean military looks, but looking into the sida, her son was able to show her that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam had long hair at one point. His hair would touch his shoulder, that there were times the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam braided his hair. So again, bringing back your life and your, the daily things that you want to do and seeing how they connect to your Lord and Creator and how they connect to the sunnah and to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. That's what we want to get our kids to be able to do. So just keep in mind that there isn't one look, there isn't just one look for what a good Muslim looks like, right? That's going to be important to keep in mind and that we have to grow with our children. We can't be static. We're going to see that our children are going to go through different phases and we're going to have to grow with them and unless what they're doing is out and out haram, we're going to have to give them the space to experiment and figure things out for themselves. Okay. Another thing for building your relationship with your children is going to be enjoying their passions, earning their trust and inserting the concept of balance. It's very easy for children in the teenage years. I keep calling them children, but they're actually young adults at this point. It's very easy for teenagers to lose that sense of balance where they get so excited about one thing that's going on in their lives that they forget about all the other different areas that also need to be given attention. So in our family, we would have a family meeting once a week because in the teenage years you see kids are running in different directions and it's hard to match up our schedules. So we would have a family meeting once a week where we would sit and talk about the things that were important, things that needed to be done, things that needed to be addressed. And one of the things was talking about the six different areas of our lives that we need to make sure that we're addressing on a weekly basis. So those six different needs. One is religion and spirituality. So we would talk to our kids about beyond the five prayers and reading some Quran every day. What are you doing to serve your religion and serve your need for spirituality? And so for every one of our kids, that might look like something different. For one kid, it might be attending a certain verse. For another kid, it might be going to a special zikr gathering that happens in our community. For another kid, it might be going to a halakka, but something in addition to the prayers that would be feeding the need to serve his spirituality that was going on in his life. The second area in our lives that we had to address was our health and our bodies. So making sure that our bodies have rights over us and that we're addressing them. So whether it's going to the gym, whether it's playing the sport, whether it's just going for a walk every single day, making sure that you're getting fresh air and exercise. The third area is academics and school. So making sure that you're making time to meet with tutors, doing your school work, doing your homework, beyond the just taking classes, making sure that you're addressing the needs of your academics. The fourth area is your career, building skills, maybe getting an internship or learning a trade. So something where you're earning money, you're investing in your future, you're learning something for the career trajectory that you're hoping to take off on. The fifth area is community. So giving back to the community. Our children chose different areas. It could be going to serve the homeless. It could be volunteering at the Masjid. It could be tutoring underprivileged children. I know that there was a mom in our community whose son was in the Quran and she needed somebody to review Quran with him. So one of my kids took that on where he would review Quran with him and play basketball with him. So that was his idea of giving back to the community. Another child led the Halaka, the local Masjid. So making sure that you're involved in the community and are giving back in some way. And then the sixth area of your life that you have to be addressing is family. So something for your family. So whether it's making sure that we meet at least once a week, if not more for a family meal, whether it's Sunday morning brunch or family dinners, or you know, taking a class together as a family, but making sure that we have time for the family. So those were the six needs for a balanced life. So making sure that we address that with our children, that they are finding balance. Okay, now I want to talk to you about the four qualities of parenting. They're going to be Arabic terms that I'm going to share with you. And so these four qualities are first, there's fitra. Fitra is our primordial nature. So children are born on the fitra, right? Children are born with a longing to worship, a longing to know Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And the Prophet Salam said that children start to move away from fitra at around age two. So they're born on fitra around age two, children start to move away from that. The second quality of parenting is though taste, experiential tasting of a connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. A child's wonderment and longing for a connection to the Creator is a sign for this. And you're going to see this in ages two to five. Two to five is when you're going to especially age five. I remember when my son was about to turn five, a friend who had older children told me watch at age five. He's going to start asking you a lot of questions about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So be prepared. And she was absolutely right. Around age five is when kids start asking about Allah, about us, about where we go after we die, about angels. They have lots of questions. They love learning about stories of the prophets, learning about stories of the the pious predecessors. So this is the time to start introducing all of that to the kids. It's a good time to introduce the term subhanahu wa ta'ala to our children to keep them tied to their fitra. So anytime they see something beautiful like a rainbow or flower blooming, you know, subhanahu wa ta'ala. Look at that. Allah created this for us to enjoy. So keeping children tied to their fitra. The third quality of parenting is stok, which means longing. So the creation has a longing for the creator. And kids show this longing for the divine at the teenage state if inshallah we as parents have done everything right as far as nurturing their spirituality up until there. Adolescence, you guys, is a made up term. It's a made up concept. Traditionally, we Muslims have seen children go from childhood to adulthood.  Of course, he's going to take his dad's car without permission and crash it. Or of course, he's going to experiment with alcohol. He's only 16. He's only 17. That's not how Muslims have thought. Muslims have always thought of 16, 17, 18 year old men as men. These were men who were leading armies. These are men who are starting families. So the idea that there's an age stage between childhood and young adulthood, where kids are still like a child, but they're grown men's in grown men's bodies, that is far into Muslims. And we don't encourage that the idea that, you know, 25 year old kids are sitting around playing video games at all and not going out and working in the world is something very foreign to Muslim parents. So teenage years have an immense capacity for a connection to Allah, and what you're going to see in the teenage years are teens are going to either throw themselves into something problematic or they're going to throw themselves into something rare, something beneficial. There's a lot of passion at this age, and I talked to you about that earlier in the example of my friend whose son was in skateboarding. If they don't have a halal channel to put their passions into, then unfortunately they will put those passions into a haram channel. So it's going to be important for us as parents to facilitate the halal for them. So I really was impressed with what Ibtihaj Muhammad, the fencer who went on to the Olympics, Muslim African American woman who went on to the Olympics representing the United States of America. She tells in her autobiography about how she ended up becoming a fencer. You know, she was really passionate about sports and she wanted to get out there and she wanted to do physical exercise. And her mom was one day walking by a fencing studio and she saw these kids involved in fencing and she saw that they were covered from head to toe. Their clothing was modest and there's no physical touching with the body. It's only with these, you know, these swords or spears or whatever they're called lances. So the mom said, okay, let's try this out. And that's how Ibtihaj Muhammad got into that sport and really did well in it and flourished. So, you know, I have a nephew who got really passionate about singing and wanted to learn how to play an instrument. So his parents facilitated for him to take lessons on how to play the duff. And he's now a quite an accomplished duff player and he likes to sing machines. So, you know, instead of just telling children, no, no, I don't want you in a rock band or I don't want you, you know, playing musical instruments, figure out according to your fifth what is acceptable, what is halal for the kids to do and, you know, get guidance from scholars and then nurture that desire in them so that it goes in a halal channel. So a lot of creativity is needed at this age and a lot of mentoring too. You're going to have to get good mentors for your kids, people that you admire and respect and create those connections with your children. And then the fourth quality of Muslim parenting is inshaq, which means relationship. And we develop this relationship with Allah's Panathala and the Prophet ﷺ through interactions and through study, right? Kids need to learn their fiqh, their sacred rulings and they need to learn their akrida, their theology and their creed. And it's really hard in the teenagers to tell your kids, you need to learn this, go do it. That has to actually be done through the seven through 14 years stage. But I don't want anyone to despair if they haven't done that and feel like, oh, it's too late for my kids. There are ways to facilitate even in the teenagers, but what it's going to require is that you as a family do it together. So you as a family together, taking a fit class and learning your fiqh, or you as a family together, taking a theology class and learning your akrida. Some websites that I would highly recommend, Seeker's Guidance definitely is one. Seeker's Guidance, it's a website run out of Canada. And there's a lot of classes on that website that you can take for free. You can take Hanafi fit classes, you can take parenting classes on that website. Then another organization that's doing really good work is called basidaeducation.org, basidaeducation.org. It's spelled B-A-S-I-R-A, education.org. And there's an excellent, excellent class on there called Why Islam is True? Why Islam is True? And Sheikh Hamza Karamali, he's made it his life's mission, Masha'Allah, to teach young adults and teach young adults who are leaning towards atheism or agnosticism about Islam and why Islam is true. And he goes through it very, very logically. And he's able to break down very, what seemed like very complicated arguments against religion and get kids to really come full circle and come back to their D-Masha'Allah. I've seen it happen again and again. So I highly recommend that if your teenagers are starting to question the being and starting to have doubts or was-wasa, that you as a family take this class called Why Islam is True on basidaeducation.org. Okay, I'm just looking at my notes so don't mind me for a moment. Okay, one thing that's really important that many of these families told me is that spirituality is not something you teach, it's something that you model. And so the kids have to see it coming from you and they need to see that spirituality is part of your life. So it's in how you view the world, it's in how you speak, it's how you respond to tests and trials and tribulations and it's your gratitude, it's your patience, right?  When your kids see you responding to life with all of those elements, then they are going to see spirituality inshallah being modeled for them. And we have to be working on our own spirituality. We can't be asking our children to take the medicine unless we're also taking the same medicine, right? We have to show them that this is a lifelong journey. And as one dad said to me, Hina, it's a marathon, not a sprint, right? We're not just running through life like this. We're going from one goal to the next, one goal to the next, one goal to the next. And what you have to realize, especially if there are parents out there who are feeling sad or disappointed in what they're seeing in their teenagers right now, to realize that what you're witnessing is only a moment in their lives. It's not the full story. The story isn't complete yet, right? There's a whole journey that Allah has written for your children. And you happen to be witnessing that one moment. And so you now are witnessing that moment and you know what you need to be making du'a for. And you know what you need to be doing on your end to help facilitate success inshallah. But you don't get to make your kids choices for them, for them, right? They have to be making the choices on their own. And that's what you want to be modeling for them is good choices, inshallah. So just remember, spirituality is not taught through books and lectures. It's taught by seeing it being modeled for you by real life teachers and parents and elders and mentors. I asked one of my sons, I said, what would you, what do you think? I'm sorry, I have this hijab pulling back and it's bothering me. But I asked one of my sons, what would you advise that I share with families, parents who want to know how to nurture spirituality in their children? He had one sentence.  That's it.  So don't tell your kids that they shouldn't do liba if you're doing liba. Don't tell your children that it's wrong to tell lies. If they're hearing you tell lies, don't tell your children to have adab for their elders if they're witnessing you be rude to your parents and your elders. So it doesn't mean don't give your children good advice. It means we need to be implementing that advice in our own lives as well. Okay. So how do we develop the relationship with the divine in the teenagers? So the first thing we talked about is your own relationship with your children. You need to be working on that. A really good book that I recommend to parents to read is called Hold On to Your Kids. It's an excellent book, Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. It's by Gabor Mate. His last name is spelled M-A-T-E. Highly recommend that book. So Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. And then the second, oh, and one thing a scholar here in the Bay Area told us, he said your children are being influenced in three areas at all times. They're being influenced in the street, which means their social lives, right? Their friends. So they're being influenced in the street. They're being influenced in the home, so where they are with you, and they're being influenced in their schools. The street, the home, the school. And he said you need to be winning in two out of three. Two out of three of those areas you need to be winning. So a book that will teach you how to win in two, at least two out of those three areas. If not all three is Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. All right. So first thing you work on, your relationship with your kids. The second thing you need to work on is your own home environment. What is your home space like for your children? And a scholar here in the Bay Area, he, we asked him once, we said, you know, the world is so crazy. There's so much fit now out there. There's so many trials and tribulations. What's right, what's wrong is being taught is right. What's right is being taught is wrong now. The world just feels upside down. How do we protect our kids with what's happening out there? And he said, you know, with every storm that Allah swt has created, with every hurricane, every tornado, he's created the eye of the storm, the eye of the tornado, the hurricane that's in the center. And in that eye, everything is very calm and it's very still and it's very peaceful. Everything around it is going crazy. But in the center, there's the space of calm. He said, your home needs to be the eye in that storm, that hurricane that's going on around us. Your home needs to be the place where Allah swt has obeyed, where children are respected, where people treat each other with respect, and there's peace in the home environment. So how should the home environment be in order to nurture spirituality? Well, Allah swt should definitely be obeyed in the home. There shouldn't be outward masya, you know, disobedience to Allah swt. So you shouldn't be having gatherings or parties or or get-togethers in which people are doing Qadam things. You know, I know there's a whole spectrum of parents out there listening to this talk. So there may be people out there who have parties in which there's mixed dancing or in which people are allowed to bring alcohol or in which alcohol is served. Even if you yourself don't drink alcohol, that doesn't work. That doesn't work when you want to teach your children spirituality to be doing things that are contrary to what our Deen teaches us. So fiqh and sharia needs to be obeyed in the home. There needs to be peace in the home. Prayer needs to be a priority when possible. Try and pray together in jamat, in congregation. Play nasheeds on the stereo system. Play the Quran on the stereo system. The angels will bless the home. Recite Quran yourself. Let your children see you reciting Quran on a daily basis. Keep in mind it's not about the quantity of time that you spend with your children. It's about the quality of time that you spend with your children. So make sure that whatever time you do spend with your children, even if it's only a little bit, due to busy schedules that it's rich in quality. Mentors are very, very important in the teenage years. Sometimes our kids can hear things from mentors that they can't hear from us. So but what's going to be important is that you're not outsourcing spirituality. You're not outsourcing religion. It has to be something you're practicing. Other people can supplement what you're teaching at home, but they can't be the primary influencers in your children's lives. The primary influence needs to be you, right? At Ilm Tree, the Hope School and Co-op that we began, we had a father who was applied. He wanted to enroll his children in our co-op. And what he said to my husband was, I'm not religious, but I want my children to be religious.  I like the way your children have turned out. So I want my kids to be in Ilm Tree. That's very noble of him. And Insha'Allah may Allah SWT reward him for his intentions, but that's not how it works. It doesn't work to have other people doing the work for you or to have other people doing the influencing for you. You are your children's primary influence. So if you have to be the change that you want to see, right? That's an old quote, and it's a very true quote. You have to be the change that you want to see in your children and in your lives. So you can't check out, right? That's what I always tell parents. You can't check out and think, my job is done. They have a good Sunday school teacher. They have a good Halukah leader. They have a good Quran teacher. I can now check out. I don't need to be worrying about teaching them anything. Give your children religious experiences in the teenage years. And of course, this is going to be based on whatever your budget is, right? Everybody has different, different limitations and different constraints. So based on whatever your budget is, you know, take your children on Umrah, take them on youth retreats that are organized, make it a point to vacation with like-minded families who are religious, but who are also fun, whose company your children will enjoy. You'll be very surprised by how much the kids absorb by conversations that happen around them. And if you are friends with people who have rich discussions and who are very mindful about the things that they talk about, your kids are going to benefit as well. Be involved in a religious community. Don't disconnect from the community. Our Oma has a lot of problems, a lot of issues. We know that sometimes it can be very disheartening, but there's a lot of benefit in the community as well. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the lone sheep is the one that gets attacked by the wolf, right? So it's important to stay with the group. And Allah's hand is over the group, we are told. So definitely stay with the group. Go the extra mile to facilitate friendships, to facilitate good friendships. I know of a family who has only one child and they weren't able to have it, other children. And they have made it a point to facilitate vacations in which they facilitate hosting people on really nice vacations with their family so that their child will have good company. Now that's not something everybody can do obviously, but it's an example of going the extra mile, you know, driving that long distance if you have to to make sure that your kids are able to have good company. Overnight extreme changes can be really, really hard. So that's not something you should be trying to bring up in the teenagers where all of a sudden you're like, okay, kids, we're going to start being religious today. That doesn't work. And you're not going to see much success with that. But you can have a practice session during Ramadan, right? Ramadan is a time that naturally the schedule's changing, our priorities change. Alhamdulillah, inshallah, people are more spiritual during the month of Ramadan. So we can start taking things on during Ramadan and then try to hold on to certain things once Ramadan leaves us. So whether it's praying in Jama'at, whether it's the daily habit of reading Quran, whether it's doing du'a together at the time when we break our fast, so maybe at that month of time, you know, doing du'a as a family. I know some parents have established a routine in their home that they don't pray all their prayers in Jama'at, but they make it a point of praying Maghrib in Jama'at. And then after Maghrib prayer, the father would just share one hadith from a book, or he would share one story from Riyadh-e-Saliheen at night before the teenagers went to bed. Riyadh-e-Saliheen is the collection of stories about the Sahabah. And so we're learning from the best people. So just remember, you need consistency. Whatever you take on, it needs to be consistent. It can't just be a one-off that like one day I'm going to be teaching you about pious predecessors, but then that's it. After that, we never talk about it again. Take on something small and then build on it and do it consistently. And be mindful of your teenager's time, because teenagers are very busy. They're like trying to figure out how to get into college. They're in different clubs. They're in the school clubs. They're different sports, different organizations. They have different things pulling at them. So keeping in mind those six areas of balance, insert yourself into one of those areas at least, whether it's a family or whether it's a religion, and bringing what you need to your teenagers at that time. Okay. And oh, another thing that can be very beneficial is listening to podcasts together. So I like to listen to podcasts while I'm cooking. And so if my kids happen to be around, they end up hearing things and really getting some gems also on long drives. We can play podcasts in the car. Some podcasts I'd like to recommend. Chef Yasir Qadi has a podcast right now about the Sida, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Excellent Sida to listen to. You're not going to want it to end and you're going to end up learning a lot. So Yasir Qadi, Y-A-S-I-R, last name Q-A-D-H-I, Q-A-D-H-I. And you can look up his podcast, which is about the Sida, S-E-E-R-A-H. Sheikh Hamza Yusuf has a podcast that I enjoy a lot called Sacred Text Messages. A lot of his episodes are about the Quran. And I've been learning a lot from it. My kids have also commented on some really powerful things they've managed to learn from hearing him in the background while they've been doing other things. And I've had this podcast playing. So it's called Sacred Text Messages. Sacred Text Messages. And that's Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, last name spelled Y-U-S-U-L. And then one of my sons is listening to a podcast that he is really enjoying by Dr. Omar Suleiman, Imam Omar Suleiman. His last name is spelled S-U-L-E-I-M-A-N, S-U-L-E-I-M-A-N, Omar Suleiman. And it's called The Firsts. So it's about the first person who did, you know, the first child who became Muslim, the first woman who became Muslim, the first martyr in Islam. So stories about the lives of the firsts in Islam. So he's really been enjoying that quite a bit. Okay, make sure that you have spiritual subab, your own, whether you have Shuyuf and Alimas that you're inviting to your home and your kids are getting to spend time with them and learn from them. They can become your kids' mentors. And like I said, they can give your kids advice that your kids may not be willing to take from you. They might be willing to share stories. They can listen without judgment. Important to develop those friendships with your kids, with spiritual subab, your own. But again, it'll have to be done consistently. It doesn't get done overnight. Another thing about your home environment, be appreciative of nature. Talk about Allah SWT a lot when you're out in nature. Love is contagious. So share your joy when you're excited by witnessing Allah's miracles and Allah's beauty in the world. Share that with your kids. Again, not lecturing, not nagging.  Now, after your relationship and your home environment, this part will be the shortest part and Insha'Allah I'll be wrapping it up and then we can take questions, I hope. After your relationship and your home environment, the third component that many of these parents shared with me for nurturing spirituality in your children is having rhythm with your children, rhythm, contentment, having contentment with your children. I touched on that a little bit before about how whatever you're witnessing with your children, it's just a moment in their lives. It's not the full story. You have to keep that in mind whether your children are doing everything right, quote unquote, the way you'd want it to be or whether they're making choices you're not happy with, right? And I know of an auntie here who has done an amazing job of raising her children. She has five kids. And actually, when I say she's done an amazing job, I'm talking about I'm amazed by her relationship with her children. Now, some of her kids are outwardly very, very pious and very impressive and very inspirational. But some of her kids actually are not. And on the surface, you won't see the piety and the bakwa that you will see in some of her other children. However, what stands out is how she treats all of her children. These are all grown adults now, her children. And she was the one who shared this with us. She asked us when we were asking her, you know, tell us the secret of raising children. And how can we be successful at it? She said, what is the one thing that you want for your children? If you were going to pick one thing, what is it that you would want for your children? And all of a sudden, we would want our children to go to Jannethal for those, right? We want our children to earn Allah's pleasure and one day be in Jannethal for those. And she told us then the greatest gift you can give your children is to give them your riddha, your contentment. Because Allah swt is not going to be happy with your children if you're not happy with your children. And you need to embrace your children and love them and accept them however they are. That does not mean that you embrace or you approve param choices that they're making. That's not what we're saying.  It doesn't mean that you approve. It doesn't mean that you facilitate it or you allow it to happen in your home.  And with this auntie, what I saw is that all five of her kids, she treated them with the same love and respect. Whether the child was the hafiz who was leading prayers at the masjid or whether it was the child who's smoking cigarettes and has a girlfriend and pretty much the whole community knows who's making bad choices. She still loved them and hugged them and smiled at them when she saw them. And you wouldn't be able to tell which one is her favorite if you saw her. I'm sure in her heart, she's more inclined towards the ones who are loving Allah SWT the most, but you can't see it from looking at her. And so the results are that those kids respect her and they love her and they want to be around her. And that's a sign of having a good relationship with your children is, do your kids want to be around you? Are they sad when you leave? And are they happy when you're there? And with her, I can honestly say all five of her kids, her grown adult kids, want to be around her all the time. And there's a quote by the poet Maya Angelou that I really like. I'm going to paraphrase it, but basically a question she asked is or that she said is every child wants to see when they walk into the room that your eyes light up. Every child when they walk into the room and they see their parent there, what they're looking for, they want to see that their parent lights up when they see them.  Are you wincing? Are you ashamed? Are you embarrassed? Are you wishing they were different? Or are you seeing them as a creature of Allah, as somebody that Allah has written their story and you don't know how it's going to end in your job is to teach, is to warn, is to facilitate, but you don't get to make your children's choices. We don't have any control over that. So after you've done your job of teaching and facilitating, you just completely embrace your children and you accept them wherever they're at, whether they're dyeing their hair purple, whether they're getting a tattoo, whether they're giving up going to college because they say they want to only focus on studying the Dean and maybe that's a choice that, you know, you're not totally comfortable with either.  And as your mom, it's, it's my job to worry about you and want the best for you. And I have to, it's, if this is the role I've been given by Allah, so I have to tell you that this path that you're on, it has been known that if a person stays on this path, it takes them to a bad end. It takes them to Allah's pleasure. And my prayer for you is that you're always on the path that's taking you to Allah's pleasure.  And I recognize that. So that's a conversation that many of us have to have with our children. And if you have a good relationship with your children, even if you end up teaching spirituality very late in the game, when they're older, if you have a good relationship, inshallah your kids will be open to listening because they'll see that, oh, my mom is discovering something new, or my dad is discovering something new in life that's important to him or her. Maybe I should look at into this that what is it that they're excited about, right? And if they have a good relationship with you, inshallah, hopefully that will be their reaction.  So I just want to remind you to just remember that you're only witnessing one moment and the wheel is still turning and the person who's on top today can be on the bottom tomorrow and the person who's on the bottom today can be on top tomorrow. The ultimate success, the ultimate success is leaving this world with the shahada on our lips and in our, on our tongues and in our hearts and in our minds. And so we just keep praying for our children.  She was like a role model for us. And one day her college age son called her and said, I'm not feeling the prayer anymore. I'm not feeling the theme. So I'm not praying. It's not doing anything for me. And when she told me this, she said it so calmly without, you know, freaking out about it.   How can you not be freaking out? And she said, because I have a high opinion of my Lord. She said, from day one, I've been praying about my children's iman and my children's yafing and for my children to be believers. And I don't believe that those prayers disappeared into thin air. I believe that those prayers have been heard and that they're going to be answered, but they're going to be answered in Allah's upon us time, not my time. And so I have to be patient. I have to be content with the fact that I did what was asked of me. And I know that inshallah, inshallah on the day of judgment, I can stand in front of Allah. And I can say I did what was asked of me. And now all I can do is just pray for my child and know that those prayers are being heard. And she kept an open door policy in her home. She and her husband and her other children continued praying, continued practicing, continued believing, continued welcoming their son into their fold. But they made it clear that they were moving forward with or without him, whether he joined them or not, they were moving forward. And eventually, Alhamdulillah, a little while later, her son did end up coming back, did end up praying and not only ended up praying, ended up doing makeup prayers to make up for the time that he wasn't praying. So we need to have a very, very high opinion of our Lord. Oh, and one point, this is the last point, I wanted to say this sooner and I forgot. If you've made mistakes, and we've all made mistakes with our children, if we've lost our temper, if we didn't teach them what they needed to learn at the right time, apologize to your kids, be willing to admit your mistakes, and be willing to say, I'm sorry, I didn't know better.  Please forgive me. Our children are looking for excuses to forgive us. You have to know that they're looking for excuses to forgive us for our mistakes. We just have to give them the opportunity to forgive us. And the way we give them that opportunity is by willing to be humble enough to say, I'm sorry, and I need your forgiveness and letting them know about your regrets. And you'll be modeling for them, inshallah, how they can one day be with their children and how they can be with Allah, right? How they can be with Allah, we're modeling for them that anytime we can turn to Allah and say, I'm sorry, I messed up. And please give me another chance. I want to do better. So I'm going to just end with a prayer. I'm going to read the English translation of it. It's from the Quran. Let me just find it. I have it written here. It's from Sura 14, Ayah 40, inshallah. O my Lord, make me one who establishes regular prayer and also raise such among my offspring. O our Lord, and accept Thou my prayer. O our Lord, cover us with Thy forgiveness, me, my parents, and all believers on the day that the reckoning will be established. I mean, sorry I went over an hour. I don't know what the time limits are for all of you, but I'm available to answer questions. Jazakallah o khayr. Mashallah. Please do not apologize. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. I have made notes. I was typing all the time and I'm pretty sure everybody else was as well. So bismillah. Allah, sister Farida and sister Amina, the floor is open to you. Please, amongst yourselves, share your gems and then we can ask that sister Hina all the questions. Bismillah. Mashallah, sister Hina. I'm really, really impressed. Allahumma abadak. You know, normally when I hear talks, I don't like to write it down. It gives me stress. And here I wrote pages and I even started growing, okay, to hang it up on my wall. Mashallah. This was so well researched and so much input. Allahumma abadak. And yesterday, I'm just a made a joke because I am the only one having just small children.  And honestly, I feel like this after this talk, Allahumma abadak. So Jazakallah Haya. So I found that I was actually expecting I talk about teenagers. But honestly, this was for all kids. You spoke about all ages. And I'm going to implement this right from tomorrow, inshallah, for my five and six year old inshallah, showing them, showing them these picture and I'm telling them what areas we have to work in to have a balanced life, inshallah, because I think they do understand this and they can, they can learn from this already, inshallah. Yeah, I'm just, I'm just how much you can learn in one hour, Allahumma abadak. Jazakallah Haya. Mr. Farida, would you like to add something? No, Jazakallah. So I just want to ask Mr. Hina for coming today. Absolutely fantastic session. I've got an 11 year old daughter and she's an only child. So I love the idea of what you said about connecting with other families. And she's often said that, oh, I'm the only one, why do I have a brother? Why do I have a sister? And as a mother, you kind of become the mother, the friend quite early on rather than later on in the teenage years. This has given me a lot to think about. It's kind of building on what I'm already doing. But I absolutely love the idea. I love the Ramadan idea as well. We tend to do things extra in Ramadan, but then it kind of stops, doesn't it? And we go back to kind of our old ways. But absolutely, you've given me lots and lots to think about. And I've been, I've been making those, you know, I've got to go home. I've been scribbling. I love to read myself. And so does my daughter. And so the books are going to be really useful. And we're definitely going to listen to those podcasts while I'm cooking or doing some nice work. So it's a cycle, I care sister. So Trana, can you see on the screen the question? Let's see questions. How did you find good company locally for yourself and your kids? Any tips for finding good people and families around us? Yes, I have a confession that I make. And which is I used to have a very different crowd of friends before I got married. Before I had children, our priorities were very different in life. And we were not very religious. I would actually say what brought out the spirituality in my husband and me was having a child and realizing somehow we're responsible for the soul and how are we going to do this? And there was a point where I realized that the people I was spending a lot of my time with were not people I wanted my kids necessarily to turn out like. Yet there were people I was spending a lot of time with. And it took me a very long time to make any friends. When I got married, I came from a very dynamic Muslim community. And I married my husband who didn't have any Muslim friends and was not tied to the Muslim community. And I was living six hours away from my home where I grew up. And so we had to start from scratch. So I slowly, slowly started making friends through different avenues. Like I said, these were friends who were not necessarily the best influence. And my son, sorry, my brother came to visit me once and he stayed with me for four months while he was doing his med school rotations. My brother has been a very big influence in my life. He's very religious, very pious. Masha Allah. Introduced me to a lot of good teachers and a good way of thinking. So after he met my friends, I was like, so what do you think? I finally made these friends and they were Muslim. They were from my culture from the Pakistani culture. And I was excited to hear his opinion. And he said, you know, I can tell you have a good time with these friends. I can tell they enjoy your company. I can tell you enjoy their company. And I was like, yeah. And then he said, but you need to change your friends. And I remember being so offended, that he would say something like that, because I felt like who are you to come and judge my friends after meeting them only for a little bit. And he explained himself. He said, you know, as long as this is your community and these are the people you're around, you're not going to grow spiritually. You'll have a fun time. You'll have a good time in the dunya, but you're not going to push yourself to learn more in the being and to attain more thakwa in your life. So, you know, I kind of moped about it for a little while. And then I went off and then later I came back to him and I said, okay, fine, you think I need these pious friends? Where am I supposed to get pious friends from? It took so long just to make these few basic friends, the Indo-Pak friends. And they're actually, they are at least identifying this Muslim. Where am I supposed to find pious practicing Muslim friends from? And I'll never forget what he told me. He just said, pray for them. So pray for Allah to bring good sohba in your life and pray for Allah to bring people in your life who love Allah and who love you. And InshaAllah, he'll bring you that company. And may Allah forgive me. I still remember, I went on the prayer mat after he said that to me. And after my prayer, I raised my hands and I did the du'a the way he had worded it, asking Allah to send me good friends who love him and who love me and who will draw me closer to him. And as soon as I said Amin and I ended that du'a, I had a thought in my head that, okay, I asked for this, but where am I supposed to get these friends from? Where are they going to materialize from? Are they going to drop out of the sky? Like I felt like I was asking to part the Red Sea. It felt like I was asking for something impossible at that point. And may Allah forgive me for having such weak yakin or weak iman. But subhanAllah, I won't go into the details of how it happened, but through a very, very random series of events, over the course of the next four months, four to five months, I ended up meeting the person who became, for lack of a better word, my best friend, who completely changed the trajectory of my life. Completely changed everything about how I practice my deen, how I raise my children, what kind of circle of friends I'm in, how I live my life, how I am in my marriage. MashaAllah, like so much benefit came into my life from meeting this one friend. And what I realize now is that it literally, it sounds like a simplistic answer, but it's so true. It started with the law. It started with the law and it started with having intentions that I want to be closer to you Allah, bring me, send me company that will bring me closer to you. I'm sorry for that really long answer for what sounds like a very simple response, but I cannot emphasize enough the power of the law. So you and also obviously keeping, and the other thing I will tell you is a lot of my friends are not friends I would have chosen as cool people to hang out with. They were not the people I am naturally affiliated towards for what constitutes as a good time for me. These are people who are very careful about what they say. They're very careful about the things they talk about. They live very simple lives. They're very mindful. They're not what would be the traditional or popular definition of fun. But I admire the way they live their lives and I admire the way they have their achara glasses on in every aspect of their lives. And that's what I wanted in my life. So you end up making different choices. You end up hanging out with people that you may not have normally hung out with. You end up inviting people over that you may not normally have had an affinity towards and then developing those friendships over time. Look for them in your local massajid. Join halakas, join volunteer groups where you know women are coming to help serve the homeless or serve the poor. Join homeschooling groups even if you're not a homeschooler.   And let people know honestly why you want to befriend them. Say I really, really respect you and admire you and I want to learn more from you and I want our families to be friends. And you love people for the sake of Allah and inshallah there will be barakah in those relationships. JazakAllah. Thank you so much sister Hannah. We have people from New York. It's a chaplain Sylvia Mashallah Tabarakullah. She gave a shout out.  Everybody is saying JazakAllah. I'm just giving a shout out of the sister from Norway, Explorer Mom from Norway. She was in the morning session. She's here now. She's sending you her heart. Love, so much appreciation, so much love. And this is one of the things. Number eight. You're gorgeous to look at. Always bless you with this serenity that comes with your personality. Alhamdulillah. Allah bless you with this new always, always, always. I mean, until the last breath. I mean, and when you talk, we all connected. I felt that energy. Adil Hassan says beautiful and excellent advice sister Hannah. Every single woman here. She expressed the same thing. Yes. Yes, I get it. I get it. Yes. This is what I need to do. There are women who said we have kids and this is what we need to do. From Manchester, UK. Sister Monia, I'm saying salam. Sister Adil, she's from Switzerland and she's saying JazakAllah for your beautiful. So Norway, Switzerland, England, they're here with us. And of course, parts of America is here with us. So Mashallah.  Alhamdulillah. So that's about it. It was so good. Mashallah. There are not many questions left. Alhamdulillah. You answered. Oh, Vancouver. Oh, so she says Vancouver, Canada. Yes. So please, please keep my family in your du'as as well. Yes. For my husband, my children, they just recently lost a grandfather. My husband's father passed away. So we've been breathing. And so if you can just please pray for their grandfather to be in Janato for those families. And yeah, if you could just keep our family in your prayers, that would be very great. Absolutely. People are. And Hamdullah, sister Javarius Amman says I can listen to sister Hannah all day. So Alhamdulillah. We would, I mean, we would not keep you further. We're just going to wrap this up by letting them know what's coming up next for tomorrow. So if you just want to stay a du'a for us before you leave and make du'a, we will make a collective du'a with you and may Allah accept it from us. Allah. Only you know our intentions. Only you know how helpless we are. Only you know how much we depend on you for your guidance and your help in raising our children. Only you know how frightened we are and how much we feel the weight of the responsibility of raising the next generation of Muslims.  We ask you, Allah, to put the desire in our children's hearts to love you, to follow you, to follow your prophets, to obey you, to completely embody the Shahada in their lives, to be beautiful ambassadors for the religion, to be role models in the Ummah, to be our Sadaqa Jadiyah in the world. Allah SWT, we beg you to allow all of our progeny till the end of time to be believers, to believe la ilaha illallah, Muhammadur Rasulullah. Please let our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren all be proofs for us and not against us. Please Allah SWT, do not let us be the weak link in this chain. Those of us who converted to Islam, please keep this beauty of this religion in our family until the end of time. Those of us who came from families, generations that converted long ago, please allow us to hold on to this blessing. Do not take it away from us. Any of our children who have doubts, who have questions, please give them clarity. Please allow them to turn back to you, to the prophets, Allah this alone. Please send them the right teachers. Please send them the right friends. Please send them the right communities that will help nurture them. Even if it's not written for us to be able to provide them the right support that they need right now, please bring it to them before they die. Allah SWT, please give them exactly what they need to be able to lead this world with the Shahada on their lips and on their tongues and their hearts and their minds and their souls in their graves. We have no one to turn to but you, Allah SWT. We rely only on you. None of this is from us. If our children are believers, if their success is, it's only because you chose to give them this blessing. If our children have gone astray, we know that it might be because we made mistakes along the way and we ask you to forgive us and to guide our children and to not hold them accountable for our mistakes. Please Allah SWT, keep peace in our homes, peace in our families, peace in our relationships. Allow us to find joy with our children and with our spouses. If we're single parents, allow us to have the strength and the energy and the wisdom to guide our children in the way that's needed and let us always give credit to you and never become self-satisfied in our parenting, never become arrogant and never let us despair. Let us always have hope, Allah SWT. Let us always have hope. Let our hearts be light. Let us find joy and love in our relationships with our children. And all blessings are on the Prophet Muhammad SAW and his family and his companions, Ameen Yadab al-Ameen. Hello, it's Ameen Yadab al-Ameen to your dars. Mr. Ameena Jamal has requested you to make the Afra. Her mom who passed away two weeks ago in Africa, South Africa. And Charles is from Ameen. Last for her too. Everybody's saying JazakAllah for his sister. Okay, I'm going to take this opportunity shamelessly to say InshaAllah next year. InshaAllah if it allows you will be a part of our conference too. I would love to come back any time. I'm going to have this one right now. Because for next year it's gonna be fucked. You can lock me in. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you.