So recently I posed a question in my private group Asking for the type of excuses men give for being non-committal. So you ever had a man giving an excuse for being non-committal? Yes, okay. What was it? My ex screwed me financially. Oh No, I can see how a man could say that so why do you think men give excuses for being non-committal well, I think they're I Think there's truth to what happened to him. Yeah, but what does that have to do with me? so He needs to heal. Yeah So we're gonna lean into some of the excuses men give For being non-committal and we're gonna dive into some of the reasons why they say what they do So I want to share something who are the men who typically give excuses now You just said men who haven't healed, right? Well, that was my experience. Okay, so what do you think it means to heal? Well, they haven't dealt with their issues or they just want They want to see how far they can get and so they can move on I don't know interesting. They want to see how far they can get before they move on So in you know, you you don't know all of my coaching stuff But I talked about there. Well, you probably have heard me talk about the users the spenders and the growers, right? The the growers of the men who genuinely want a serious relationship. They're looking for partnership. So they operate more intentional The users those are the love bombers. Those look those are the men and women that are only in it for themselves What happens in that second category?  I'm sure yeah Well, what happens is for the spenders and I I believe that's the population of men and women who are rather dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. Have you ever met a man who was one or both? all of the above No, a lot I just think a lot of men just think they know what they want It's just like women same thing.  I'm like, okay. Thank you very much So then it begs the question. Why are we even why are those people out there claiming? They want a relationship if they're not ready. They don't know what they want They haven't healed. In fact, I want to talk about they don't know what they want because Someone once said to me dating is an experience of learning what you don't want Not what you want, but what you don't want Well comment to make I do because in my case I didn't date when I was younger like most people did before I got married the first time and so I didn't know I didn't even know how to date or what to look for but I had a husband for 25 years And I knew I didn't want that So that's about it when I that was my criteria I wanted somebody but I you know as I healed and did all the work that I did things Became more clear with me and I just didn't so isn't it sorry to interrupt So isn't it interesting people certainly don't want their ex-spouse or their ex-relationship like that's like the clear line I don't want that so you can eliminate the things you don't want.  I don't want you know blah blah blah blah blah Well, the thing is if you're focused on what you don't want I think the law of attraction keeps giving you that until you actually Decide on what you do want Okay, maybe I got lucky. Okay With me Well with you too But at that point I just didn't I knew what I didn't want but I didn't know what I wanted and so it took You know a few meet-and-greets to weed out a lot of people that I wanted nothing with well You we've talked about the amount of meet-and-greets you've done And well, I want to differentiate between for those that don't know we talked about this in the previous video Marie for a solid year used to go to a Restaurant bar that they were giving away a pair of shoes every Monday night some $1,000 pair of shoes you go by yourself or with your girlfriends and in that environment you got hit on Practically every Monday night.  You didn't have any you weren't beholden to any man Right, and I also had a rule.  I did yeah I mean they weren't for me, but they they were good people So so those were as I said before kind of pseudo meet-and-greets And then after your significant relationship the one after your divorce You had dozens of meet-and-greets where you started to realize not only what you didn't want But what you did want, right? Right. Okay. In fact, what did your dating profile say you wanted? deeply connected Relationship that would lead to mutual trust and admiration. Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have that now Okay, so we're talking about excuses men give and I want to lean into this because I think You know, I'm gonna say damaged men give excuses now When I say the word damaged when I'm going back to what you talked about a moment people who haven't healed From their traumas of their like and like a divorce or maybe childhood traumas This is childhood traumas can include men who have avoidant Attachment style or they have abandonment issues makes it very difficult for them to lean into a fully committed relationship You have something to say I do okay, you know, I've always wondered sometimes It's just you know, you meet somebody once and then you see them a second time and you're like, you know I'm just not feeling it and then men don't know in my opinion Don't know how to handle that when you aren't interested. No Say it happened to them. Okay, you know, they're not feeling it They don't know how to handle it.  I know it happened to me a lot I'd have a great first date and for whatever reason I'd see him the second time and something was missing and I couldn't put my finger on it I couldn't say well, it was you know, you're too tall or you're too short or you're you know You look I mean you could make excuses like you live too far away or something like that but what would happen is Because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings and women do the same thing to men we oftentimes come up with excuses to avoid a an uncomfortable conversation and Given that you talked about confusion for a moment ago That's the hard part when we're confused about our feelings. We can't put our finger on it Well, but if you already know that you're not interested You I Mean I've done I look I was very honest though with people like I would just tell him like, you know, thank you very much I really appreciate getting to know you but I just don't think that we are a good match But those are for those but you're talking about the people you met once or twice what we're gonna talk about More deeper if you will those that kind of men came on strong. They were interested in a relationship They professed their absolute fascination for you and then you know six weeks in 12 weeks in they start doing that pulling away They start doing the excuses so I want to lean into some of the most popular excuses I'm gonna save the number one for a little bit in a few minutes So I want to go through because the number one you've heard before but it's important to talk about it So one I wrote down is I don't know what I want That's a common excuse and and to to some degree it begs well Then why are you on the dating sites?  Well, I think the translation for that is okay. You're not the one. Okay. Well, aren't most excuses You're not the one or I'm just not that into you. I Guess but sometimes, you know, some people really do have issues going on in their lives that that the timing is just wrong Yeah, well, I know I'm in a moment. I'm gonna share something my son said to me that I think relates to this as well So another one is so this is again These were comments posted in my group. So one woman wrote she heard I need to know someone for at least a year before I can even consider commitment Well So my thought is this and let me hear your take on this Are you asking for monogamy? Are you asking for excuse? Are you well?   If they want that person sexually Wouldn't put up with somebody that said that to me. Okay. There's one.  Yeah.  Well, I don't know why he wouldn't want it with her I thought she was the most stunning one of them all Anyway, that's another conversation another thing you said meant my ex screwed me over financially Okay, so so I've a lot of men who have ex non through a divorce and they feel as though they have been What's the word I'm looking for Unfairly treated in the process now a lot of men they are fairly treated a lot of women are Unfairly treated in the process But these are the men that felt like they gave more than they were supposed to if you will that is a very common Excuse and for those men they they become very problematic to be in relationship with well I know someone that that happened and his wife got half of everything and it was a huge chunk and He never got over that because he didn't think she deserved half of it. Yeah, I worked with a client who was with a man who was incredibly wealthy and Did give half to his partner his ex spouse and then his new relationship was literally badgering Like when is your alimony check coming in and you know, are you gonna contribute to the relationship? And this is a person who's wealthy as beyond the capacity to support and yet He was so wounded in the relationship that it caused him to be rather You know, he was generous, but also kind of suspicious if you will, okay? All right, another excuse. You're too good for me. I don't want you to suffer. You deserve someone better Have you ever heard that one before? Yeah, well kind of yeah, it's like Because no, I don't want to be in anybody's life if I'm not treated like a priority Yeah, and that's one of the things he said, you know at this point in my life I got my job is very demanding and I You deserve somebody that can make sure priority So that was using time as the issue, but I think there are some men who also have deep shame They have deep wounds and so they're not going back to healing you talked about these are men that haven't healed their child and wounds They haven't healed their adult traumas and maybe they're feeling a level of shame I know after my divorce, you know, I lost my quarter million dollar your job. I was depressed I was feeling a lot of shame.   So have I offended you in any videos? No, okay. All right. All right being disrespectful. No, I don't get easily offended. Okay So another one that men use is I have lots of responsibilities. I don't know where my life will be Okay, go figure out your life and see you later So I would do it the problem is is and we're gonna talk about how to avoid these men That give excuses these non-committal men.  Do you remember in early in our dating process? I kept asking you what could be the potholes in front of us Right talked about and trying to identify what could be the problems So we can address those before we got to attach to one another. Do you remember that? Yes So what are you just any quick thoughts on that for our audience if you will? Well, you know for me Making a move out here. I I didn't have a problem moving but I also needed the accessibility and To be able to go back to Chicago and see my kids and my grandkids that are there So that was something that we talked about because for me if he was not going to be on board with With that and it wasn't gonna work for me. So we talked about some of those potholes We talked about my you know, whether it's our exes and all these different things. We discussed those before we got to Attach to one another and I think it's important to do this sooner rather than later So you don't find yourself in a situation where a guy or girl is giving you an excuse. So I want to share another one Oh, here's one. I was hurt in the past. I don't want to get hurt again Or baby. Yeah, you've heard that one, right? Yeah, I did you remember what he said, let's take it slow. Let's take it really slow and For me that man, okay I'll move on I think people that take it like there's a benefit see I think taking it slow means I'd like to have all the benefits of a relationship But I am gonna be non-committal to you because I don't know and the thing is I've observed men who are in happy relationships They knew rather quickly at the person they're with is someone they wanted to commit to in fact furthermore They wanted to kind of tie that person down because men are territorial But okay, if they've been You know, they've had three girlfriends that cheated on them. Oh God and all that They're not gonna be like that because now they're gonna be like super cautious They're me walking on tippy toes because they're like, I don't know about this So you bring up something about trust issues, you know, that's if someone and by the way I've seen this with a lot of women telling me that they're with men who have been Habitually cheated on in their past relationships And by the way, this works in reverse to for women what my thoughts are so I was in a relationship where where there was serial cheating and I Did you know, I did all my healing work because I didn't want to hold somebody else responsible for what? my previous husband had done so It's the trust but this person that is said to take it slow I had not given any reason not to trust me and and that actually was the biggest turnoff in what ultimately just Ended that relationship because then I just wasn't feeling it anymore So going back to how you started this conversation or we both started this conversation is here's a person Who's been cheated on several times and yet he hadn't healed from that So what happens is he he basically I don't want to say blames anyone new but it's like guilty You know guilty before proven innocent instead of innocent before anyone new Has to go through the ringer first and I'm not the type that would have gone through the ringer anyway Yeah, okay, let's see for a couple ones. Oh, here's one. I'm just really confused right now and I Was thinking about my son who had a relationship of five months And after the second or third month he began feeling confused Now he was confused about his feelings and this is comes back to something we both said earlier This is really tricky because feelings aren't facts They're not like, you know, like this is a phone. That's a fact or it's a smartphone, you know This is mince a version. Oh, that's a fact, but feelings are Constantly changing so now while he didn't use the word I'm confused He told me he was feeling confusion and he did the honorable thing. He ended the relationship with as much Well, he didn't do what most men do as ghost or do the slow fade He basically said I'm really uncertain, you know, and he said to be all fairness to you It doesn't make sense to move forward This is the tricky part in relationship because when we hear the phrase. I'm just not that into you we can really like someone and Still have confusion Well, what I don't understand is why come up with excuses like Confusion is not really an excuse.   We're gonna get through a couple of ones I like you too much. I don't want to hurt you. We talked about that and I said we are gonna share the number one reason Men give excuse number one excuse men give and that is I'm too busy That's like 60% of the time I hear that is the number one excuse. I'm too busy. It's like everybody's too busy for a relationship.  Oh, by the way, did you just use a dirty word?  I'm too busy with work I'm too busy with this. We had enough time to date me five times a week in the first three months But now all of a sudden you're busy Now there's always Situational things that can happen in a person's life. Maybe they've had a career change Maybe they've had a promotion something that might change their dynamic But the reality is is if you had enough time to date You should have enough time for a relationship. In fact, I think people don't make enough time for dating What are you gonna say? No, but you know, then there are people, you know a lot of us are have dealt with or are dealing with elderly parents and Situation will change there.  Yeah, that's not an excuse. That's a genuine reality And and so he's assessing his dating capacity right now because of that. Well, that's why he doesn't he's not gonna commit to anybody Well, then he shouldn't be dating. Well because he wants to get say it Okay See, this is the challenge we have because of our devices folks It's sadly dating has turned into hooking up or what I say Relationships are just a string. It's it's really a long drawn-out version of friends with benefits But you don't know about it So I want to lean into what you can do to solve these problems and that is listen It's I was watching a Matthew Hussie video. He said something to the effect of this It's because of his excuse his excuses are your closure Repeat that his excuses are your closure. He didn't say it exact like that But in other words the minute the excuse is given that's your closure Yeah, okay to avoid getting excuses I want everyone to adopt what we did in the beginning of our relationship and that is to Start with radical honesty right from the get-go number two laying your cards on the table And number three and most importantly if you're going to engage in a relationship Know the rules of engagement what I mean to say ask deeper questions You know find out the potholes that could happen ahead of time and address those before you give your heart to someone Do you agree I agree, but not everybody is Is mature enough to do the radical honesty? Well, I say 90% of men will just bail on radical honesty But are they really capable of being in a relationship anyway? Probably not. Yeah, so folks I encourage Radical honesty what that means is get crystal clear on who you are and what you want Remember we talked about don't focus on what you do want don't want focus on what you do want Lay your cards on the table before that penis ever goes inside the vagina I know you cringe when I say that and lastly the rules of engagement Ladies you are in charge of your relationship destiny do not give that up to a man If you need some support on that see right here There's a link Jonathan asley.com forward slash coaching and there's a link below Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you All right one last plug and then we'll get into questions if you'd like this video Please give it a thumbs up. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel All right, and then again check out all the links below So this is time for Q&A for those who know my format if you have a question Write the word question in the chat box or you can purchase the super sticker super chat all the monies from the Super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley. That's a picture of them right there That's a one in that shirt Sadly, he's my son who passed away a few years ago darn almost five years ago now and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute Just to name a few and if you're watching the replay you can hit the super Thanks, and by the way, we just made a $250 donation the other day Thanks to one of you sweet folks that gave a hundred and fifty dollar donations, so I really appreciate that In fact, I noticed there was a super sticker here earlier, and I want to give props to Melanie, thank you so much for the $5 super sticker. I really appreciate it All right, let's see what kind of questions we have Jennifer says you guys are cute together. Oh Thank you. All right one of the members in my private group wrote Why would a man you meet on a dating site almost three months ago stand you up twice But when you tell him not to call and give him a hand give him a hard time He keeps calling. Why do guys keep calling after you tell them no because you haven't blocked them Have you blocked anyone oh gosh really the other day I went through my phone and and they all say like Jim Matt Bill Matt Bree and I joked you know we went through our phone one day, and we looked at the last names that were hinge Bumble match. I mine millionaire match was mm match Okay, Cuba J dates You weren't everything well, I didn't of all by the way, I'm not Jewish But I did J date because I thought there were more serious women on J dates Versus I was not a fan of plenty of fish. Okay. Anyway So to keep going Why did that come up? Why do we talk about that?  Well because you haven't blocked them somebody that stands you up is not serious And the question is why do you care? Why like why do we care that someone keeps calling? There's I think there's this inherent We get some level of validation when someone we don't like still calls us. There's this almost the pseudo sadistic validation You follow me. Yeah, because sometimes there there were some people that I didn't block just so that I could know that he was texting me Didn't respond, but I'm like yeah, okay, but there's some some level of insecurity within ourselves. It's the ego Yeah, exactly. It's our ego. So anyway, that's my thought. Thanks so much and she's a member in our private group. So She also wrote you two look great in your outfits are matching. Thanks so much Alright, let's keep going. By the way, he's the one that matches me all the time. I just want everyone to know Okay, you pick first. In fact, one of their one of says Marie. You're so beautiful. I have a feeling she's secretly a model That's sweet. Okay. Let's keep going here Question sunny pie, right? Mine said we're not sexually compatible. Is that the huge barrier? Do you think I? Have a thought on that This is always tricky because sexual compatibility can be a real deal breaker, you know, and I think if someone you know To me, that's not an excuse For some people, you know, they're they're in their sexual their physical intimacy is a critical part of their Relationship and I would say that a lot of people aren't compatible sexually well Basically what what I'm hearing. Okay. I don't know if I heard it Heard it right, but is that they're just not that into you No, he said mine said we're not sexually compatible. So you think that's just I'm not that in you the guy said it to the girl you know, I He just doesn't think that They're sexually compatible. He's not into something that's into you Well, I guess you would have well some people have sexual fetishes and things that could be a little more extreme and if you're Some person could be a passive sexually and some could be you know, I don't know You know SNM or something like that. So I can see where sexual compatibility Well sexual compatibility could also be frequency of sex, you know, I know some men want it three times a day And you know, some women want it once every other week And vice versa, by the way, this isn't you know, the same this isn't singular to a gender But yeah sexual compatibility could be frequency as well. No, it's Sex is really important in a relationship even for us old folks By the way, the answer is yes, it is okay at least I'm in agreement with you. Okay, so let's keep going You know it is says I agree with Jennifer. If a guy is into you, there will be no excuses. Can I get an amen for Marie? Okay Let's keep going here Let's keep on let's see if you have a question write the word question.    Sometimes it happens. Now most men do believe women are crazy Why are you looking at me like that? No, I was just thinking of that lady that always writes. Okay Yeah, well lady that always writes and says I'm gonna turn into Amber heard. Okay, so really quickly I do believe men do think because women tend to be more emotional creatures That when they are more emotional, they're Irrational men tend to think they're rational creatures Men tend to think that women are irrational creatures So because of that men have a propensity to think women are crazy now There are just some legitimately unstable unhinged human beings out in them in the dating marketplace But men can oftentimes believe that because of that all saying hell have no fury like a woman's score in other words I learned really young That if the emotions run high Intellect runs low. Oh, you keep your emotions and check you can You can speak in you know intelligently. Yeah to someone. Yeah, that this is just again. These are generalizations I'm not saying it's an absolute so Donna. Thank you so much for that question You can have a rational conversation with somebody that's irrational say that one more time You can't have a rational conversation With someone who is irrational. No, it's very difficult. No, in fact, and this is where I get a lot I feel like oh, there's some confusion when men oftentimes get labeled as Gaslighting and manipulative Sometimes it's the woman who's the irrational person in this conversation He's defending himself and I can think of a one particular friend of mine was with a woman that would he would defend himself in Earnest and she would say you're gaslighting me. That's because she was psycho I'm sorry, and I'm glad he broke up with her, but that's just a personal account. So anyways, let's move on Wanda writes question I've known the new guy for almost a year and he sees a sweetheart if he catches feelings for me I don't know for him. How do I let him down Marie? I keep him as a friend Okay, so you've known him for a year and you you like him Well, I get the sense Yeah, I get the sense. He's in the friend zone. So if he starts pursuing it more, how would you let a guy down? How would I let a guy know that you know that's happened to me? And I'm you know, I you just talk to him and say, you know, I love you.  So well, I'm glad you brought this up because this actually happened To me where a woman put me in the friend zone after I think we dated for about, you know About four dates for you know dates and she called me and told me I'm just not having feelings for you She put me in the friend zone. I Immediately was defending myself. I was telling her why I think she was wrong and I'm like you're you're blowing it I mean, I was just like, I mean, I was like so wounded that I was like Practically begging for her to change her mind And that was before you did all your healing work. I take it. Well, no, I did a plenty I did a fair amount of healing work. No, this was a couple years ago. So what was interesting? All right, I think I told you the story. So when I share the balance of it, you'll get the gist of it Marie and I have been very like we're an open book to each other We have no problem sharing our past experiences the nooks and cranny of them all because we don't get triggered by them Okay, so what happened? I'm defending myself. I'm like lower. I'm literally begging We end the phone conversation and I called her up an hour later And I apologize because I realized if she didn't want me if she didn't feel like we're fit Then her reason was our closure You know her reason was valid for her and as I sat with it I thought to myself, you know what I value I wrote something down.  So I wish you luck on that one Lily says you two are adorable I dated for six weeks with the guy I met on bumble every date was good and was promising He called me saying that there's no chemistry You know That's a tough one, you know, the thing is this is kind of like what I just shared this woman I went out four times. We liked each other even my son. We were talking about they dated for a few months Feelings are not something we can quantify and and you know, these are something that sometimes evolve over time Sometimes they happen quickly, but ultimately again, I'm a big proponent find out if you're on the same page both What you desire from a long term, but at the end of the day You know, I can't create feelings No, you can't you either have them or you don't and sometimes we have these grand feelings only to find out that the person Is a jackass and leaves the toilet seat up all the time Anyways, I'm just kidding. I'm not the jackass, but I do occasionally leave the toilet city up and yes I'm human. I make mistakes. He's getting better. Okay Barber writes question me 56 him 59 He has been winning and whining and dining me for six months two to three times per week two weeks ago We had our first kiss And we fooled around only we fooled around only he spent the night now. He's gone quiet What to do? Oh Wow, you know, that's that's a little surprising to me. I think someone who invests six months now obviously there was no physical component to this until the Until this six month mark where there was a kiss and there was an overnight, you know It's hard to exactly predict what was going on with him He might have reached like he might have appreciated the platonic nature of your relationship But the minute it got a little more serious He pulled away because he has a my guess is a fear of intimacy Anything like that ever happened to you? No, no, they want you right away No, that's I mean I find that very sad but you know six months and not even having a kiss It's I don't know again. That seems like it's a platonic relationship So I'm a big listen I'm for those of us you're in your you know, you're in your late fifties Okay, for those of us who are baby boomers or early gen Xers the days in front of us are not as long as the day You know the days in front of us aren't gonna be as long as the days behind this I'm like cut to the quick either. You're interested in each other or not, you know I don't want to invest six months only to find out that You know, I mean physically, you know a compatible. Well, I mean you might I Think if I if it were me I might send a text message just saying hey, you know, I You know, I haven't heard from you or oh, that's right. He's gone quiet. So I'm sorry I went off on track there So he's gone quiet. Yeah, absolutely do what Marie just suggested send a message saying You know, I've noticed you've done a slight energetic pullback I like the term energetic pullback because it's not saying physically pullback But I've energetically pulled out to write that down because I wouldn't remember that Okay Well, someone writes this down for us. I I feel that you've pulled back slightly Energetically you can even say my gut is telling me you've pulled back energetically is my gut right and Really the only purpose of sending this message is to create a dialogue You know, it's not to get the answer. It's to get the conversation going Because in this particular case what you's needed is to people to dialogue with one another and let me be clear Don't be afraid to ask for a telephone conversation or a face-to-face Gosh, they've seen each other twice a week. Talk about it folks in my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of my book chapter one Speak your truth do it with kindness and chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart Rationally speaking if it's sincere and from the heart you can't really say the wrong thing to the right person So Barbara, I know I went off on a tangent a little bit but bringing it back Start a dialogue with him. See what he says Good luck with that Barbara. Okay Julia says question. I don't know if I want kids Do I look for a man who also doesn't know?  I don't like the I don't know well, I I Have a cousin that you know knew she didn't want children and She ended an engagement because of that Because he thought he was gonna talk her into having children and she had already made that decision that she wasn't gonna have children I was just thinking you have a cousin that didn't expect to have children and at age 44. She got pregnant That was an unexpected situation, you know, I'm a big believer It's important to choose people that have clarity clarity breeds confidence, but more importantly Confidence leads to better choices when there is a lack of clarity. I don't know it can go one way or the other I know a woman who is with them. Oh, okay. I'll give you a sample friend of mine He was dating a woman who's who never professed. He wanted she wanted children But he had already had three children and this she was ten years younger. Okay, well, he went off to go have a vasectomy and Said he told her I guess a couple months later. He had a vasectomy. She goes. Why didn't you tell me you were gonna do that? I want to have children. Okay. Well, what she did is she stayed in this relationship five more years Hmm. Okay. She eventually ended the relationship to go have a child with someone But she spent five years in a relationship and their biggest issue She wanted to have children and he had a vasectomy. I Think it's better to be crystal clear in choosing people who either want children or don't want children and get clarity on that a lot of you know, a lot of people are have careers going on women are waiting later to have children and That's when they start having do I focus on my career or do I stop to have children and Men they're like, well, you know, I'm making a lot of money. I have the freedom to go here and there and travel So I can see how some people don't well, okay So let's dive into this a little bit more because a woman takes a greater risk Man doesn't have to take as much risk because she's not only spending nine months Bearing children, but he can always not be in the picture. So she has a hundred You know, you know, the woman actually has the greater risk because she might have the potential of a hundred percent Responsibility, I think that's something you should be clear on because of that Well, yeah, if you're in a relationship, you should be clear on it But I okay, but not knowing the guy might not know at this point He still wants to go travel the world, you know, okay Maybe he won't doesn't want a kid till he's 40 and she's already 36 and okay, but but not but and She doesn't know she wants children He doesn't know if you want children and then she says I want children and he says I don't want children Then you're screwed. Yeah, then you're in an impasse. So again, I prefer people that have clarity All right, that's we went on a little bit longer on that one. Let's keep going. Ah Here's one Tatya says question after six weeks of dating. I was given the following I can't take care of myself off the I can't take myself off the apps But it's not enough. He proceeded to compare himself to a flat line as opposed to up and down EKG I Can't take myself This reminds me of the guy who kept swiping even though he's in a relationship with someone, right? Hey, I think there is an addictive nature to the swipe dating apps. I Think there's a dopamine rush.  Well I dated someone that I found out, you know, six months into the relationship I went to look for a picture on his dating profile So I turned on the dating profile and went on it and I saw that he had been on it the day before So it's like, whoa So, you know, so, you know, I I was very clear. I showed him.  He says, you know, when I'm sitting on the toilet I I just swipe and swipe and swipe and I'm like, well, you know I'm in it and if you're not on the same page as me then, you know We we need to reassess here and he says no, no, no I'm gonna cancel that right away and and he did but And then I was telling the story to your friend. Yeah, who is in a relationship And he's like Guilty he goes, I I do that too.  They just like, you know, so well, this is where it gets tricky though And by the way, I found it disrespectful No, and I agree and even when we talked to my friend about him immediately said no, you know I'm off blah blah blah, but I think of some men there's a difference the the Addictive quality versus like someone who's on Instagram and they've collected hundreds and hundreds of you know women and their You know friends list or however, it's categorized on Instagram.  Well now dating apps and Instagram is like a different version of porn Okay Well, anyways, that's just an observation. Does anyone agree Instagram is turning into porn for some men. Anyway, let's see Let's keep going Maybe we should see your Instagram My do you want to see my Instagram? It's Jay Shetty quotes, okay question Does making out too early in the relationship will have the same effect of getting the guy wait Does making out too early in a relationship will have the same effect of getting the guy distant as having sex too early No, I don't think so. No, I think you know Well, okay making out is kind of different like heavy-duty PDA on a first date It is a lot different than ace a kiss.  I'm thinking of making out Okay, you meet someone and you're making out for six hours in a bar versus a kiss. Good night I think there's two differences there I think what she's getting at is does do men view a woman who make out too easily Just the way a man looks at a woman who has sex too quickly. I Think that's old-fashioned thinking.  Yeah, the girl that you don't kiss on a first date and all that I don't think that happens. Yeah, okay. Yeah, thanks for that question That was from a kiss can tell you if you have some chemistry because if you feel something Do you have chemistry with me on our first kiss? I can't remember that part No, I was not fishing for a compliment Julia Thank you so much for the $2 super sticker. I really appreciate it Kate writes question. I Just finished breast cancer treatment and fine. I fall in love with with life and focusing on healing emotionally Physically spiritually. I'm not interested in dating at all. Is this normal. I think absolutely I'm really sorry that you've gone through this Take time for yourself.  So I'm putting it in the second not I'm not putting it in the same venue But or you know, but there's a similarity and you took time to heal them. What did you do? You traveled the world. Yeah, I you know, I joined groups and I met people I know people all over the world and you know Had a friend call me yesterday from Montreal. She these are the people that became Kind of like my family as much as I was healing because I needed to focus on myself I want to do things that made me happy and and you didn't date, right? I did not date Okay, I did not date. I didn't and I met men in these groups and stuff But I did not date. I was focused on myself. I think Here's the thing whenever for example You go through something you know like a physical trauma an emotional trauma like the ending of a relationship It takes time to Unravel this experience and reintegrate yourself into who you really are and more importantly Who do you want to be and what I mean by who do you want to be like? How do you want to live your life? Yeah, you know you talk about travel travel that we just had a conversation earlier today Travel is like this this core need of yours and I was sharing with Marie because there might be situations where we mean She wants to go travel and I can't for work and she was concerned about that and I said, you know Like my mom traveled the world without my dad You know and not I mean not all over the world because they did traveling together But I'm not I If I want you to be happy when you're in a relationship with someone who genuinely wants your happiness They want each person wants you to be the best version of you like I think you would want that for me, right? No, yes, and but what's happening now is because first it was COVID and I haven't seen a lot of the people that I've traveled with so They they're all reaching out.   And you know, we've also planned on doing a trip with some of my travel friends. Yeah, we might go to Egypt and next year I'm really excited about that. You know, I really do believe that You have to work on yourself first. Yeah, you know, you've been through something really difficult and I You don't have to date go find yourself. Have a good time. Go travel the world join Singles cruises join singles in paradise. These are great organizations or find a travel group Folks traveling is a great way to connect with people and see the world and by the way You show me deals all the time $1,300 12 days in Egypt kind of thing, you know, it's absolutely possible. So go do that So Kate, I wish you luck in sending you a big gigantic Jonathan bearhawk for what you've gone through All right, let's keep swimming question Tatya says It was a typo. He said I can take care of myself Oh, I can take myself off the app. Sorry And I don't remember the question The question is he was that we thought he was still on the apps when they were together You know what we made a decision to get off the apps like pretty quickly Yeah, we both went off the we both hit our apps I believe it's funny because we were looking the other day I think like I deleted all my apps like the the apps itself I still have my match profile because I use it professionally But I think we both went on our profiles just to read What we wrote, you know, and we we should just cut and paste it and just save that in the document But every once in a while we go to our dating apps to actually read what we wrote Not to one another but um In the profile, um, I'm a big proponent have a dialogue Especially if you're going to be physically intimate with one another regularly Then I believe it's best to have an exclusive and monogamy and exclusivity monogamy is No sex with other people exclusivity is no meeting new people or dating new people And I believe you have regular sex you should be doing that. So Well, I also believe if you're if you're For me to move forward with a relationship There's no way that I could be with somebody that's That's on a dating app. Yeah, because that's like, wait a minute. This isn't fair I can do that too, you know Well, if you're if you're still on the dating app, then it's the whole FOMO, you know fear of missing out the bigger better deal. I mean look folks I gotta tell you something A lot of people need to instead of settling they need to settle down Look at when you meet like and I feel about that with you when you have a great partner in life Settle down because life is better with company Life sucks on some love not sucks, but you know life is better with company We have a lot of fun Yeah, but and whether that company is a romantic partnership or friends travel friends, whatever that is Life is better with company as George Clooney said in the movie up in the air And he was the quintessential bachelor who eventually found his amad. What's her name? Amal. Amal. Okay. All right Let's keep going here Omnir says question I did I did no contact for two months. He called and said he wants to have a serious talk should I have the talk There was no apology yet and no issue addressed. I'm looking for am I looking at this wrong? Well, I don't know if he's if you're entitled to an apology. So I don't because I don't know the particulars You know two months no con what is it no contact? Uh, you know, if you haven't had closure Then I'd say have a conversation I would have the conversation If there's a chance that you know He was going through something He I don't we don't know the the particulars but Um, if what you're looking for is an apology then you're setting yourself up You can't expect that that's what you're gonna. Good point Do you remember that you tell me that we just talked about this the other day the guy that reached out Long time later and said he reached remember you dated and he ghosted you And then he came back and said I was really going through a tough time in my life Yeah, well See, I don't think somebody here's the thing. I don't care how rough Listen, I lost a child and I was supposed to have a date the night I lost my son and I had the courtesy to at least text this person and say I had a family emergency and couldn't make it I think respect What's the word I'm looking for character Is doing the uncomfortable things and even when this guy said yeah, I was going through a lot Having character says I'm gonna do the uncomfortable things because it's the right thing to do Yeah, so anyway, that's my two cents on that Uh, let's keep swimming Oh, we have a super sticker from cito. Thank you so much question $4.99. Thank you so much Any advice for uh, libido mismatches mismatches is mine is higher than his otherwise We have an amazing relationship.  Well, I'm the horny one in our relationship I mean, no, I don't mean it that way But I'd be like I if I had my druthers I would have it all the time and we have a great sex life. Well, okay I'll answer I did have a relationship with somebody that um Everything was great But that you know that was an issue and it would be Oh frequency well frequency and well Frequency and style it was coveted. So there was a lot of drinking involved So it things just didn't happen the way they should because when you're drinking things don't work properly um, so it would be like in the middle of the night And that's not enjoyable when you like roll over and you're like what? By the way, I want to address something so I believe a sexless marriage Is sex only once a month? That's considered a sexless marriage I think they say healthy marriages that have sex at least twice a week That's considered pretty a healthy sex life within a marriage Okay, I I'm by the way, please don't quote me. That's what I've heard But having regular sex is an important part of a relationship. Um, you know, did she say the sex was good? I don't remember only that the sex was twice a month Um, so that's a libido issue. Okay, so the question really becomes how do you address this with your partner? I know for some people this has been the cause of the ending of their relationship But is um, you might look at is he taking any medications that that may cause this Um, that's a good point. I mean, there might be a medical physical condition. Well, this happens with women too You know, I mean certainly from that perspective presence will will really affect But then this gets really tricky because if if a person Doesn't have a desire and the other person does That becomes a real challenge within a relationship So then the question is should that relationship maybe turn polyamorous or in other words Have the agreement to go outside of them. Well, I think it's it's something worth talking about You know, we don't have that problem thankfully Um, by the way, I didn't mean to throw you under the bus early. I didn't mean it that way It's just we have a very healthy sex life and I'm grateful for that. Well, thank you that No, my but my concern is if they have the relationship is really that good Then then you should be able to talk about it and see if there is something else going on I mean, there are sex therapists too Yeah, and this isn't this is again the most important thing If I can say as a dating relationship coach is to have dialogue. That's the most important thing have conversations There are probably multiple different options. That's not my air of expertise And certainly we're just speaking from our own experiences But ultimately what matters most is having the dialogue about it sooner rather than later because what you don't want Is resentment to happen You don't want twice a month to turn in twice every year type of thing and I suspect you may not be happy at the same time This is the second most common reason for divorce centers around physical intimacy relationship You don't want to just throw it away without without having a dialogue something. Okay. Yeah Thank you so much for that question. Really appreciate boy. We've got a lot of comments here um Let's see All right, this will be the last one for the evening question the gentleman I've been dating Uh demonstrates all the love language except he's struggling to be sexually intimate. Oh my gosh another one Well, I think we just addressed that Colleen. So I hope that helps Well, if he's struggling to be sexually intimate, yeah, that may be like An erectile dysfunction dysfunction type of thing Uh, again, thank god for blue pills. You have that you have the conversation because It's a lot easier now than it was, you know Okay, so let me ask you so some women are afraid of having that conversation because that might um Might feel the make the man feel less than a man miss a man. He might be feeling shame You're an expert at this and what I mean to say is you are really good at having the tough conversations I've noticed that in our relationship. So do you have I mean in your you know in the wires in your brain I have a lot of wires. Okay. Is there something you think you would say If that were the case if that were the case that Well, if that was the issue, I would you know, I would say, you know, I I really love the way our relationship is going and um, there's only one thing that perhaps um, I would like to find some improvement and I don't know if there's a reason why we're not As intimate as we could be And and if I can help you in any way Perhaps find a doctor or someone to see so you I mean, do you really feel I want you to sit with this for a second Do you really feel like that's what you would say to someone? I feel I could say it. Yeah. Okay. Why not? No, I was really I again What I appreciate most about you, sweetheart is you have a way of bringing up the tough conversations in a very elegant classy Non-confrontational way, but more and more importantly in a sensitive way. I really appreciate that about you Thank you. Um, so I was I was asking you that because that's not one that I'm good at teaching my clients That's a really tough one because for men Just like for a woman, you know That women have their own sexual stuff going on that can be Very difficult for a man to say and a man might stick his foot in his mouth, you know poorly Again, I say if it's sincere and from the heart speak speak from the heart like what you do But you practice and I hope that helped for you. So thank you so much um, do you want to go another couple minutes or let's see Um, I want to get off the subject of erectile dysfunction Uh All right, let's see what we've got here bump bump bump Chatting with a guy online seems all right. Let's try one of this. I'm not sure this is a real question I just spent a few months chatting with a guy who seemed keen But when it finally came to action meeting up, he just doesn't follow up and it's in the same city Where is the line? Sounds to me like you just wanted a pen pal, you know, sadly people are lonely They are what a friend of mine called monitor mice meaning back when we used our Computer screens. Um, and now everyone's on their phone. Um I think some I I'm a big proponent using my three Two one three rule. Okay three two one three Okay, that means if you've met through a dating app or a dating site You have roughly about three email exchanges or text exchanges. Okay That should turn into one or two telephone calls So we went from three to two one to two telephone calls Okay, that one to two telephone calls should turn into one date and all within a three week period of time If you live in the same city There's no reason why someone who doesn't live in the same city can't meet you in less than three weeks from the initial contact Use my rule three two one three and that will avoid these extended. Oh my god during covid We could get into drawn out conversations, but you know, I didn't do it that way. You didn't what was your I I would immediately want to Want to go from the app to the phone Yeah, because you can always block somebody so who cares I gave my phone number Okay, and then a conversation. I just wanted to get off the app and into the world Yeah, but I'm going to assume there's some men that you're communicating with that You might have had a communication on a monday and by the time it turned into a phone call It was a friday and by the time you arranged the date it was you know within two to three weeks I I probably would have moved on by then You're like meet me at gibson's atalia at you know six o'clock and move on You know folks, I think that'll be a great place to wrap up for today We had a lot of great questions come in. I want to thank everyone who shared some questions and certainly those that had Also purchased a super sticker super chat folks if you found value in this conversation I want to please hit that thumbs up. Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new Also, if you need some support in your love life check out the links below to a free discovery call with me Can't afford coaching check out my group called midlife love mastery if you need help recovering from a divorce there's uh divorce recoverer Naked to come naked divorce naked recovery ask for a del throne Use my name. Uh, check out all the books. I recommend it as well We're gonna wrap up this video as we always do first off.  Yeah, okay. Thanks Thanks, sweetheart. Everyone. Thanks so much. Have a great evening. Be well. Bye now


Welcome to emergency medicine video. In this segment we will discuss pelvic inflammatory disease. In particular, we will focus on signs and symptoms, diagnosis and treatment in the emergency department. PID is a spectrum of infections of the female upper reproductive tract. It is generally initiated from ascending infection from the cervix, or cervicitis. It can include selpinggitis if the fallopian tubular involved, endometritis if the uterus is involved, tubal ovarian abscess if abscesses are formed, and can extend to pelvic peritonitis. In rare cases, it can even spread and become a perihepatitis. Apart from the infection, PID can also cause infertility, while the scarring of the tube will increase ectopic pregnancy risk later on. It can also cause chronic pain in patients. In terms of bacteria, the most common bacteria include nasiria gonorrhea and chlamydia trachomatis. These two bacteria often contribute to the cervicitis. When the cervicitis is not treated, it then spreads to the upper tract with involvement of other bacteria, causing a PID. The risk factors for PID include multiple sexual partners, previous STDs, presence of an IUD particularly right after insertion, or any other procedures involving the uterine cavity. In terms of the symptoms, depending on the extent of the PID, the patient might have different symptoms. With just cervicitis, so not PID, the patients may not have any symptoms at all, or they may complain of increased discharge. Once the disease has spread to the upper tract, the patients can present with lower abdominal pain. In patients with a tubal ovarian abscess, their pain might be more localized through the location of the abscess. Other symptoms might include abnormal discharge, vaginal bleeding, or postcoido bleeding. Due to the infection, they may also have systemic symptoms such as fever, nausea, or malaise. Frank peritonitis is rare in a late finding. Let's move on to signs on physical exams. On physical examination, as you can deduce, the patient might have a fever, be tachycardic, and might appear toxic. She may have abdominal pain and peritoneal signs if there is peritonitis. If there is a perihepatitis, her right upper quadrant might be tender. On pelvic exam, the tenderness might localize to the anexa if there is a tubal ovarian abscess, and might be palpated. There should also be purulent discharge on pelvic exam and cervical motion tenderness. Let's move on to diagnosis. Typically, we would do swabs during the pelvic exam. In terms of lab tests, we can include inflammatory markers such as white blood cell count. If we worry about perihepatitis, then LFTs would be drawn as well. A pregnancy test should also be done. In terms of imaging, an ultrasound is done for tubal ovarian abscess. It is also done in patients whose findings on physical examination might be unclear. Ultrasound will also diagnose other ovarian pathologies such as torsion and rupturovarian cysts. These two can also give a very similar clinical picture as pelvic inflammatory disease or tubal ovarian abscess. In the emergency department, often the swabs will not yield the results in a timely manner. Since there are many complications for PID, we often treat patients with a very low threshold. If we see a patient with lower abdominal tenderness with cervical motion tenderness in a patient at risk for STDs, we often do not wait for the culture results to return to start treatment in this patient. Let's move on to treatment for PID. Antibiotics are given to treat pelvic inflammatory disease. Depending on the local resistance, medications can include the following. Third generation cephalosporin, metronidazole, gentamycin, doxycycline, oazethromycin. It is best to check local guidelines for the specific regimen. What if the patient has an IUD? After the initiation of antibiotics, the IUD would be removed after about 24 to 48 hours. Who do we admit? Patients who have tubal ovarian abscess will be admitted to ensure the abscess resolved with antibiotics. If not, surgery might be needed. As you can imagine, those with peritonitis and perihepititis will also need to be admitted as well. In terms of follow-up, patients' partners will need to be tested for STD and patients are also instructed to return to the hospital if their symptoms worsen. Here are the main points for PID. Cervicitis are often asymptomatic and therefore are very hard to pick out. Based on where is involved, the presenting symptoms for PID can vary. We should have a very low threshold to treat patients because of the terrible complications that PID can have. If we're worried about a tubal ovarian abscess or any other ovarian pathology, ultrasound is the imaging test of choice. We hope you enjoyed this. Thank you for watching.


Hi everyone and welcome back to the Google Search News series. I hope life is treating you well wherever you are. I'm your host today, John Mueller here from Google Zurich in Switzerland. With this show, we want to give you a regular summary of what's been happening around Google Search, specifically for webmasters, publishers, and SEOs. If you find these useful, which I hope you do, and if you'd like to stay up to date, make sure to subscribe to the channel. Today, we'll take a look at Search Console, Mobile First Indexing, Structure Data, Web Search, and some other news. It's been a busy time, so let's check it out. We're starting off with Search Console. This month, we celebrated the two-year anniversary of the new Search Console. It's been a long process creating new features to replace the old ones, and all of the feedback from passionate users along the way has been awesome to see. Since our last episode, the Search Console team has worked to make the data in the Discover Report much fresher, similar to how the Search Performance Report was updated. Discover, originally the Google Feed, bubbles up content that users have expressed interest in without them having to search for it. We've also made the Index Coverage Report more comprehensive. That's not visible for all sites, but generally means that the data we show there is as consistent as possible with the search results. Finally, also in Search Console, we've updated the messaging system. Previously, messages were shown in a common inbox, now they're shown right next to the reports themselves. This makes it easier to resolve issues associated with particular reports on your site. Mobile First Indexing continues to grow. Mobile First Indexing is a process of crawling and indexing with mobile devices to match what most users would see when they use the web. As we switch more sites over, we've recognized more issues that need to be resolved by webmasters. We've recently updated our documentation to touch more on that. Here's a short summary. With Mobile First Indexing, we will only index the content that's on the mobile version of your page. If it's your intention to show less content on mobile than on desktop, that's what will be used for indexing. This includes not only the text, but also images, links, headings, and structured data. For pages with images, remember the alt attribute include high-resolution images and embed the images appropriately, prominently on the page. Similarly, if your page uses ads, then position the ads on mobile in a way that doesn't block your primary content. For sites that use separate mobile URLs, commonly called m.urls, make sure to reference the mobile URLs within the structured data, like breadcrumb, product, video objects, as well as in hreflang annotations. There are more details in our documentation. Going forward, we'll also be sending messages about Mobile First Indexing through Search Console should we recognize issues on your site. We're continuing to work on Mobile First Indexing. Our longer-term goal is to be able to completely switch over so that all crawling and indexing matches what the majority of the web's users would see. Moving over to news about structured data. We use various forms of structured data to better understand content on web pages. Recently, we decided to stop supporting data vocabulary.org structured data per 6th of April 2020. Google Search Console will now issue warnings for pages using data vocabulary.org schema so that sites know to switch over to schema.org markup. The most common usage of data vocabulary.org markup was for breadcrumbs. If you added breadcrumb markup to your site early on, double-check Search Console's enhancement reports. If you see warnings there, it's probably time to update your markup to schema.org. To check your pages for other issues, use the rich results test. This test will flag any recognized issues with regards to structured data. Within Google Web Search, we regularly make updates, thousands of them every year. Our website on how Search works has more if you're curious. These changes are meant to help users find relevant information, perhaps on your site. Site owners can find out more about these changes on our blog as well as on Twitter. To keep you up to date, let's check out some of the recent changes. Late last year, we announced the use of BERT in Google Search. BERT is a modern way for computers to understand natural language. We use it both for working out what the user was really looking for, as well as for better understanding the pages in our index. The Google Research team has written about some of the work they've done on this as well. For ranking, we've made regular updates, including so-called core updates in December and January. We call them core updates when they affect our ranking algorithms at their core. Sometimes, we also make changes to the visible design in Search, which our passionate users recognize right away because, well, it looks different. Recently, we've experimented with a visible design for desktop users that's similar to what we've been showing mobile users. We received a lot of feedback on these changes and will continue to test and listen to feedback as usual. Another change was to reduce duplication in our search results. Previously, we might show the same page both as a traditional search result and also with a larger preview. We call these featured snippets. With this change, we're removing that duplication and showing these pages just once. This change does not affect how your site's data is collected and shown in Search Console, where the average position continues to be based on the topmost element for your site. As a side note and unrelated to this change, if you have preferences with regards to how much of a snippet you'd like to have shown, we have documentation on the appropriate robots meta tags for you to check out too. We have a few more short updates for you. Chrome has made some changes with regards to how websites are handled when they incorrectly use HTTPS. In particular, Chrome is stricter on its handling of mixed content. Mixed content is when a secure page on HTTPS includes elements that don't use HTTPS, such as images or JavaScript. Mixed content is bad and it makes pages insecure. Independently, we've sent out notices via Search Console to websites that use older insecure versions of the TLS protocol for HTTPS. These older versions won't be supported by modern browsers, so the server must update to a newer protocol version soon. Regarding rendering, here's a short update. As announced last year, we've moved to using a modern version of Chrome for rendering. One part of that change is currently still ongoing. We're moving to a user agent similar to what users would have when they use Chrome. The user agent is a text each browser sends to web servers which generally identifies the browser. Going forward, we'll be updating the version number as we update the version of Chrome used. Some websites try to recognize Googlebot based on the exact text of the user agent, which they'd need to do differently in the future. Finally, here on this YouTube channel, we recently launched a new series about Google Search Console. Google Search Console is a free tool that helps website owners, or in general, anyone who has a public presence on the web, to succeed with the help of Google Search. The video series is hosted by Daniel Weisberg and covers a variety of topics all around Search Console. The first videos are out already, and there's more to come. That's all for now, folks. Thanks for joining us. And now, on to the weather. The weather outside is cold. It's winter here in Switzerland. It looks like it's even going to start snowing soon, which is great if you like snow. Who likes snow? Well, I love snow. There's something special about a day out in the sun and snow. But if you don't like snow, the nice part about winter is that it's just the first step towards spring and summer.


what's the temperature right now good afternoon sam right now it's 63 degrees fahrenheit still gonna wear a coat though let's be real okay hey welcome back to vlogmas number five it's 4 35 p.m and i'm kind of just starting my day i don't know what is wrong with me and uh this whole week has been a struggle i've just felt very tired and low energy and i know i'm getting my period soon so that might be part of it and my sleep has definitely just been thrown off from saying out late last weekend and the last two nights in a row i closed at the salon so i haven't been getting home till like nine o'clock and then by the time i eat dinner and then i have to edit vlogmas and i think sitting and staring at a screen late at night is not good for me clearly because then i have a hard time falling asleep so i've been going to sleep really late and then waking up late i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to kind of break out of the cycle because i have to be at the salon kind of early so i'm gonna set an alarm for 7 30 i didn't wake up until 11 30 today but i think that's just what i need to do i need to force myself to get up early force myself to stay up that way i can go to bed earlier and then hopefully get back on a good cycle i just hate feeling this way i feel so lazy and useless but i did promise my friend hailey that i would do her hair for her tonight because it is her work christmas party this evening so i forced myself to get out of bed and shower i did not wash my hair because i don't have time so we're just gonna pull it back in a bun this is the main reason i know when i first cut my hair a few people were like oh you should go shorter and i thought about it but if i went much shorter i wouldn't be able to throw my hair back in a fast messy bun and that would be a problem on days like today it's kind of perfect because i am still reviewing that shark blow dryer and i wanted to get some more footage testing it out for that review video which will be coming in a few days because i've tried it out on myself but now i'm going to use it to blow dry her hair and she's like the perfect person to test blow dryers out on because she has so much hair so thick and long and her hair gets frizzy really easily so it'll be good to see how fast does it get the hair dry and how smooth does it get it so i'm going to head over to her place and do that and i am going to bring benny with me so that he can play with her dogs while i'm doing her hair and then i think after i do her hair i'm just going to come straight back home i have salmon that i had defrosted in the fridge so i'm going to just have salmon and rice for dinner okay i'm going to grab my stuff and then head out of here and i'll see you at hailey's house close up on these shoes beautiful i got my salmon i just make the salmon in my air fryer i put olive oil salt pepper onion powder garlic powder paprika a little bit of soy sauce and cook it on 400 for like 15 minutes and i am going to eat this while i watch a movie i keep seeing previews for this movie on netflix may december with natalie portman and julianne more so yeah i'm gonna watch this and eat dinner and then i need to edit the video that needs to go up tomorrow i've been really good in like staying on it and i've been able to like schedule all the videos out ahead of time but today was just not a good day and it really threw things off so i'm gonna do that and then try to get to bed relatively early ish so i'll see you in the morning good morning i am rushing a little bit because i set my alarm for 7 30 and i just kept hitting snooze and i didn't realize how much i was hitting snooze or for how long and i didn't actually end up getting up till nine and i was feeling like a zombie so i had to make myself coffee caffeinated coffee but now i need to rush because i need to be out of here by 9 40 to get to the salon in time that is another good thing about moving i'm gonna be significantly closer to the salon and we'll be able to get there in like 10 minutes but i'm getting my nails done first this morning they are getting quite grown out i've just been getting them done at work by my co-worker because it's super convenient and i just scheduled my appointments for days that i already am going to be going to work that way i don't have to make an extra trip and it's not cutting into like my days off or anything like that but i want to do a dark like blood red color last weekend she did my pedicure and i love the color that's on my toes right now so i want my hands to match i love that i had my phone plugged in so it could charge this outlet thing had came loose and it wasn't fully plugged into the wall so it doesn't look like it yeah it didn't charge at all that whole time that's great anyway i am bringing my phone tripod with me today because after my nail appointment i have one client it's so weird like this weekend i'm not busy at all i literally just have the one client but then next week which is the weekend before christmas so i make sense i guess everybody is just waiting as long as possible so that their hair will be as fresh as possible for christmas and new years i have a bunch of people next weekend but yeah today i just have the one client which is fine with me so it should be a nice easy chill day i'm really trying to be more active on my hair instagram page so if you're not already following me on there it's at styled by sam vey please go give me a follow i have two instagrams my personal one which is sam underscore vey and then the styled by sam vey is my hair one and i'm trying to use that more as like my business account i usually will like just use one a lot and then kind of neglect the other one but i'm trying to be active with both of them and just use my personal account for just regular personal things like for friends and then the more professional one is going to be like most of my content and i'm really trying to be more active on there and get more content aside from just like before and afters so that's why i was trying to charge my phone but hopefully it should be okay when i was doing hair in pennsylvania the salon i was at was just so cozy and it was small and it was a lot more private and i would get content of like every single person practically and it was great because i had all this content i was able to post regularly and like business was booming back then because i was posting so much and i was constantly like bringing new people in and now that i am not going to be doing the front desk anymore i don't know if i mentioned it but yeah this week was my last week doing the front desk so i am just exclusively going to be taking clients at the salon now starting out just doing two days a week and then hopefully we'll see if i get busy enough and if there is room for me i'd love to do a little bit more than that we'll see how it goes but i need to really step up my game to get myself booked and busy because i know how to do it i know how to grow my clientele but it's just about putting in the work when i come home today i really want to do a self-care night and wash my hair and like do a face mask because i just feel like i have been neglecting my personal care i gotta go now i will see you at the salon yeah sorry this lighting sucks but we'll be in the new apartment soon and have better lighting there i got my nails done i'm obsessed they're like the perfect shape and length and everything they just feel so nice and clean and fresh and i love the dark color this is called party at holly's i believe from opi it's just the most perfect dark dark like blood red my client's hair went really well i was able to get tons of content which i'm really excited about i will link that tripod down below i got it from amazon it was pretty inexpensive and it's perfect to set your phone up and you can like tilt it rotate it whatever you want to do and it doesn't take up a lot of space so that's been really nice to use at the salon i just have to be better about it because it ends up taking more time for the appointment because you know i'm stopping to get video and i'm making sure to set it up and keep moving around and make sure i'm in frame and all of that so i need to start blocking out more time for each appointment so that i'll have time to do that and i won't feel rushed and like i have to hurry to finish before my next client i am starving now though it's like 515 i came home took benny out and i'm just gonna heat up my leftovers from last night got salmon and rice and i have avocado too so i'm gonna eat this and get some editing done i'm trying to decide what i want to do tonight i was planning on just staying home and having like my self-care night but my co-worker was talking about hanging out so i don't know and it's really warm out tonight so i'm kind of tempted to maybe go out and get a drink or two i'm gonna see how i feel after i eat but either way we are gonna do a self-care routine before i go to bed so i will check in later and let you know what i decide i decided i'm just gonna stay home my co-worker is gonna just come over and hang out here because i am in the mood like now that i ate i have more energy and i kind of would like to do something because you know like it's saturday night but i don't really know if i feel like going out anywhere just kind of feel like staying cozy but like some girl time would be nice so i'm gonna still do my little self-care routine i just do it now because like i just feel gross i just really want to wash my face and my hair so i'm gonna get in the shower and do a nice full shower i'm gonna exfoliate i use the doctor teals pink himalayan salt scrub and lately i have been using the amika norm core shampoo and conditioner and i really like this because it's not heavy it doesn't weigh my hair down at all i don't think i'm gonna do like a hair mask or anything because i don't really feel like i need it because hello i just recently chopped off like a foot of hair and then face mask i feel so much better already when i got out i just completely slathered my body in cocoa butter i'm gonna do my face mask now this is the origins retexturizing mask with rose clay i love this one i have had this for a while now and it's my favorite like anytime my skin is just feeling a little bit blah like i don't know i've been getting like little breakouts here and there and it's just been feeling more oily than usual the lawless is sitting on i'm gonna answer the questions of the day at the end of each vlog this vlog i am pulling up questions that you guys leave me in the comments of the previous vlog so if you have any questions that you would like me to feature in the next vlog leave them down in the comments of this one and i always just scroll down to the bottom and just kind of see what we got so the first question i see is have you ever thought about moving out of the united states to live in italy i've definitely said that in the past like oh i should just go move to italy or move to france honestly i speak way more french i took french for like 10 years started in middle school took it all through high school and college and i don't ever practice it so like don't try to put me on the spot and speak french to me but like when i hear it i can definitely read it and when i hear it i usually can make out most of what is being said and i think that if i lived in france for like a month i would pick it back up and be completely fluent um because i know a lot of it but uh yeah i've definitely said like oh i'd love to go live in france but i don't know now that i have a dog that's definitely not gonna happen anytime in the foreseeable future realistically but yes i definitely thought about it a couple people asked who's my favorite youtuber and whose vlogmas am i watching this year i would say the people that i watch the most consistently are carly bible i've been watching her like since the beginning so she's like an og favorite for me same with alexandra rodriguez aka learning to be fearless i'm going to recommend you a call shortstop and third baseman businessman and philanthropist okay thank you for that that just gave me a fucking heart attack oh anyway learning to be fearless i've been watching her forever too so she's another og favorite of mine and she does vlogmas every year and i have been watching hers every day and then i also really love nicky demar from nicky and gabby and they're from the area that i used to live in i definitely relate to nicky more than gabby i don't really watch gabby but i don't know i love nicky and i love the style of her videos so i've been watching her vlogmas as well and it's just so nostalgic like i love watching her vlogs and seeing her drive around the area that i used to always hang out in and i'm like oh my god i know exactly where that is i'm sure i'm forgetting some people but those are like my top three that come to mind off the top of my head all right let's wrap it up with this this is a good one can you tell us some dating stories from when you first moved i first moved down to north carolina two years ago oh my god actually yesterday the eighth was my two-year anniversary of moving into this apartment and yeah my boyfriend and i decided to break up at the time and i was just like i'm gonna put myself out there and i'm gonna date and i'm just gonna you know because i was interested like i'm in the brand new part of the country i'm curious to see what the men are like down here and i don't really have like too many crazy stories but i did go on a date one time with this guy we had matched on like hind or bumble and we didn't really talk much before meeting because i feel like with dating apps like it just gets so boring and like i can't hold a conversation with someone that i don't know and have never met before and also i don't want to get too deep into conversation with someone and then meet them in person and there's no chemistry or like i'm not interested at all you know then i feel like it's awkward so we had matched and then literally i think like that same night or the next night we met up for dinner he was so full of himself and just so weird oh it was so uncomfortable we were sitting at the bar in chilies and he's talking and going on about you know his life and blah blah blah and he's like i notice that you keep staring at my lips you like my lips you want to kiss me i was like oh hell no what first of all like body language experts say that if somebody is like looking at your mouth that means i think right that's what they say like if you're looking at someone's mouth that means you're really paying attention and trying to listen to what they're saying especially like we're in a loud restaurant so like i'm trying to also kind of like read his lips while he's speaking i don't know i just do that i guess i'm like i also feel uncomfortable like making direct eye contact with someone so like i guess i just tend to look at their mouth i don't know it's like a subconscious thing that i do and then he was asking me what i was looking for and you know i had just moved down here so i was like honestly i'm not entirely sure i am just trying to go on as many dates as i can and just meet people and it also was like a good excuse for me to try out different places because like i didn't have any friends or know anyone down here when i first moved so i was like perfect i'll go on dates and then i can try out these different bars and restaurants and like i'll have somebody to go out and explore with and uh he just like would not believe me he was like yeah okay yeah i'm sure there's no way that you aren't looking for something like i know you're looking for a relationship like excuse me sir you don't know me we literally met an hour ago who the do you think you are to try and tell me what i am and am not looking for he was just oh my god it's awful and i just felt like it was a terrible date i thought that he also felt like it was a terrible date and at the end of it he like went to hug me and it was really awkward uncomfortable didn't try to kiss me thank god and i thought like okay good like we both did not like each other we just didn't vibe i'm sure i'm never gonna hear from him again what a relief he literally texts me the next day and is like trying to make plans with me again i was like this man is delusional like what the and i am very anti ghosting but i just could not stand this man so much that i just didn't even respond i just blocked his number and deleted the text and i was like do not try to contact me again oh my god anyway it is time for me to remove this mask so i am going to wrap up this vlog here because it needs to go up in the morning i'm gonna wash this off blow dry my hair and then my friend is gonna come over and we're just gonna have a chill night in thank you guys so much for watching i will see you tomorrow with the hair video and in two days with another vlog bye


This film is about what it's like to serve in the medical organization of the US Navy. At its headquarters in Washington, Admiral Bob Higgins is Deputy Surgeon General and Chief of the Medical Corps. What is Navy medicine? Many think it's taken care of the active-duty sailors in our hospitals and clinics, but it's much, much more than that. It's taken care of the dependents, the retired and their dependents, and not only in our stateside hospitals and clinics, but around the world. We also provide health care for sailors, whether they're below the sea, on the surface or in the air, and to the fleet and marine force. We also have a major responsibility for providing planning for contingencies such as wartime or natural disasters. This is a big job, it's a very gratifying job and a very challenging job to manage this vital dynamic system. Madam McCleister, there's a STAT non-standard chemo order for 7 Wests back in Unidose. Madam McCleister, STAT non-standard chemo order for 7 Wests back in Unidose. Lieutenant Commander Jim McCleister is a pharmacy officer at Bethesda Naval Hospital. To answer your question, is this a typical pharmacy in a typical Navy hospital and the answer is no. That non-standard chemo, is that from Dr. McClellan? Yes, sir, it is. It's Adrian Meisten. Okay. And he wants to piggyback, he just called to confirm. Alright, enter it please, bring me up a couple of labels, I'll be in the other room. Aye, sir. Yes, ma'am, I'm back to you. At the big facilities such as this, it's extremely busy. We approach patient care at this facility and I think Navy-wide from a team concept. The physicians, the nurses, the other ancillary, supportive people, the laboratory and so on and so forth, we all interact much, much better than any civilian facility I've ever seen. It doesn't matter whether you're really officer-enlisted, physician, nurse, optometrist, podiatrist, we're here as a unit to take care of the entire patient. I respect everybody here because I know the training that they've been through. They know what they're doing. They really do. They're very good. The Navy Health Care Team. Thousands of officers and enlisted working together, keeping the health care of the Navy's worldwide community in good hands. At the center of the team, of course, are doctors, more than 4,000 altogether. The Navy community has a much better physician-patient ratio than America in general. At Bethesda, one of the key institutions of the teaching hospital, Morning Report. Most of the Navy's physicians begin their careers as junior officers, fresh out of medical school. Captain Bonnie Potter, specialty internal medicine, has devoted her Navy career to clinical practice and to the training of med students and young physicians like these. For me, it's been an opportunity to practice medicine, to teach students to have research opportunities, as well as the opportunity to develop administrative skills in my role as program director. I'm frequently asked why I've stayed in the Navy, and, number one, it's the patients. It's a bond. We're all in the military together. We've all been in the military together, and as such, there's camaraderie right off the bat between the students, the house staff, and the patients. I think the nurse-doctor relationship in the Navy far surpasses what you see out in the general community. Again, I think you have to go back to the team concept. It might have something to do with our rank structure also, because we're equal in rank to all the other people within the medical department. Director of Nursing Services at Bethesda is Captain Ruth Lockney. But I think it's also a mutual respect that we have for each other, and I think that makes the big difference. Charge nurse of the recovery room is Lieutenant Commander Patty Kelly. There are some big differences between military nursing and civilian nursing. The biggest difference I see as a Navy nurse is that there's a definite career plan for you for upward mobility. It's planned that by a certain level you have so much responsibility, and that gradually grows with the time that you spend in the Navy. We're going to keep you here until your legs feel normal again.  In the Navy, you experience different things. There's an opportunity, say, to work on the ward and get some surgical experience for a year, and then after that, maybe go on to work into an intensive care unit, and then after that, go on to nurse in Esther's at school. But it's all within the same program. You do not need to leave one hospital, lose all your benefits that you've accrued there, lose your leave time that you've accrued, and start over fresh, establish a new reputation. It's like a network. It's like working for IBM or GE. You expand your job opportunities to include not just what's at one hospital, but all over the world. Everything's fine. She's a healthy seven-year-old, no medical problem. A lot of people think that we just take care of young, healthy, active duty personnel, which is not the case. We take care of dependent children, dependent wives, dependent husbands, and retirees. This institution is just like any other hospital. We have an ICU. We have a CCU. We have regular medicine wards and surgical wards and pediatric wards. We have labor and delivery. There's no limitation on what you can do as a military nurse. I'll write the line card. You may need that in a little bit. Okay. Hello, Anson Gilbert. I'm Lieutenant Commander McGee. I'm the charge nurse. Nice to meet you, ma'am. And as I see you, how are things going for you? I'm just wondering where my wife is right now. Okay, we'll have talk with her. Well, it sets Navy nursing apart from being a civilian nurse, and there's a lot of critical care nurses out there. But what makes me different from a civilian critical care nurse is the fact that I'm a naval officer. The other things we're going to be doing here are just monitoring your heart, keeping you quiet. We're not going to let you do anything for yourself. Okay? You're in the lap of luxury. Thank you, ma'am. All the Navy's nurses in major stateside hospitals or overseas with the fleets are commissioned officers. Most are making the Navy a career, and many are men. Lieutenant Commander George Wunderlich. As a nurse co-officer, we have the unique experience of working in close proximity with the physicians on a professional level. They impart a lot of their knowledge to us, and it's very gratifying. Likewise, a nurse co-officer has the duty to go ahead and train the corpsmen so that they can go out and independently provide patient care in the fleet to our shipmates and to the Marines. DKG leads, and I've already turned on a monitor. I'm going to spike some bottles of D5W. They're the backbone of our Navy medicine, our corpsmen. And there's not another group of individuals in the whole world that equates to our Navy corpsmen. We've got an ambue bag. What they are are people that come directly from the civilian sector. They may just have graduated from high school. They may have worked for a couple of years, but the bottom line is they come into our health care system not knowing anything about health care. And what we do when they get to us is we train them from square one. We say, this is a blood pressure cuff. This is what you do with it. That's very rewarding. It can be frustrating sometimes, but by and large it's the most rewarding part of being a Navy nurse. Not all of the Navy's enlisted corpsmen work directly with patients, but all of them have attended Navy schools for full-time training in the delivery of primary care. Thousands of these men and women have received further intensive training in one or more of dozens of ancillary specialties and skills. The variety of responsibilities they carry out is virtually the whole spectrum of health care occupations. The Navy health care team constantly upgrades its capabilities. Sharing knowledge is built into the system for physicians, other professionals, nurses and corpsmen. I want you to stop right about there. In his surgery clinic, Dr. Adam Robinson sees patients, trains graduate residents in his specialty, and teaches skills to corpsmen. Clark, I want you to take a look here. Dr. Robinson shares his knowledge as widely as it can be put to use. Minority opportunities in Navy medicine are extensive. The Navy has made an open practice of prohibiting discrimination against all peoples because of grace or sex, and I think that they have been in a leadership position in this country and making sure that that is accomplished. My personal experiences in the Navy have been, I have never been stopped, or at least knowingly stopped, from accomplishing any of my personal or professional goals in the United States Navy. The Navy health care team also includes allied health professionals of every kind, Commander Pete Scaramazzino. I'm a clinical psychologist in the Navy. One of the things that's exciting to me about being in the Navy is that I have moved from treating patients to treating now, as my patient, the entire organization. The kinds of people we're looking for are the people that value that kind of challenge, flexibility, ambiguity, because it pushes, it stretches, and we're looking for people that will be productive and competitive in the year 2000. I'm involved right now in the training of those people, and that's really exciting to me, because I'm sharing my experience and being able to help pass on the skills and knowledge that I've learned in these last 20 years to those kinds of people. Your new roles as a naval officer and a clinical psychologist. I guess I'm not comfortable with the uniform and the formality. From my point of view, when I see you doing, you're doing great. They are the highest quality. Even the ones that leave, when they go back and tell their people that they've never had the experience that they've had before, and their comparisons of internships and overall clinical scope of practice is beyond anything in the civilian practice. They're wonderful people, and for me that's important, that I'm not just training navy clinical psychologists. I'm contributing to the overall professional community and the quality of that professional community. It's an opportunity that I wouldn't miss. One of the reasons that I wanted to get into medical technology was that it combined the two things that I like. One is caring for patients. That's a lot of responsibility, and a lot of people are depending on what you're doing. That's it. Lieutenant Larry Knight is in charge of the laboratory at a Caribbean base hospital. We are getting that straight now about this value. We're aware of that. We corrected it, and the doctor's very happy with our... The other thing that I was interested in was science. The tests that we perform are varied. There's many disciplines, microbiology, hematology, chemistry. We work with many instruments, and we do a lot of studies. So every time there is a new discovery, a new technique, or something like that, we are one of the first ones to use that. Research. Yes, Navy Medicine has a major commitment to research, and we've had many successes. Our frozen blood program, for one. We used to measure a storage of blood in weeks or months. We now measure in excess of 20 years in that program. It's a little tube. Measures ionizing and non-ionizing radiation. Simple. The bubbles tell the story, quantitatively and qualitatively, and it's very inexpensive. And we have a major commitment to infectious disease research around the world, which not only benefits the Navy, but we share with foreign nations also. The nice thing about being at one of the Navy hospitals is that you are practicing today's medicine. The new medications that are coming out are being investigated here. We're doing even a lot of investigational work on products for clearance through the FDA. As you know, the FDA is just down the road. We have National Institutes of Health right across the street. And there's a lot of inter-cooperation, so we run investigational protocols. And it's absolutely fantastic and very fascinating what's going on here from a professional standpoint. I'm looking at it right now.  Fantastic. You meet a lot of experts who are top in their field. They are well-recognized around the world, civilian or military. So there are a lot of benefits. You get to rub shoulders with a lot of people that you just would not have had that opportunity to do otherwise. One of the things new Navy people hear from long-time Navy people is that the service takes care of its own. The phrase means more than care for the sick and injured. It means care for every kind of health, the welfare, fitness, morale of the whole Navy community. A physician with a good view of how the Navy takes care of its own, including the members of the health care team, is Lieutenant Steve Brown. I'm a Navy flight surgeon. It's a multifaceted job. Some of the missions that I'm on involve medevac runs when patients are injured on ships that come to this area. Aircraft, mishaps. Female shoes sailing about half an hour ago. They were coming about. Boom came across hitter. Flight surgery in the Navy is something that you have the opportunity to pursue after completing an internship. In my opinion it's probably one of the best jobs that the Navy has to offer. As far as fitness goes, the Navy does expect you to keep yourself in relatively good shape. On Navy bases there's always two to three gyms. They're fully equipped. They're equipped with free weight and auto lists. There's always swimming pools, a lot of running tracks, and we do have a lot of intramural sports. You play softball, football, wrestling, boxing, really any sport you can imagine you do here. As far as bringing up the family in the Navy, it's been a good experience, I think for both my wife and my children. My wife's been encouraging me to stay in for 30 instead of getting out at my 20-year mark. The boys I think have enjoyed it. They've made friends wherever they've gone very easily. They've enjoyed going to school on the bases and also out in the civilian community. They've had a good experience. Well, we're from Oklahoma, my family and I, and this is something that if you'd told us a few years ago that we would be sitting in a tropical place, we would have just laughed at you. I've learned to scuba dive for instance and just do things that I just didn't think that I was going to ever do or I would have waited until I was too old to do it. Now I'm doing it. I've enjoyed the variety of experiences that I've had. My infrequent moves have resulted in career progression, increased positions of responsibility, changed from my previous position such that I haven't had the opportunity to get bored or tired of what I do. I was a civilian for 10 years before I came in the Navy and I was in a rut for 10 years, but the Navy does not allow you to do that. I know that every two to three years I'm going to change jobs. I go into something more challenging according to the rank I'm in and it just spurs you on. Here in the certain general's office, we're proud of that satisfaction they have and we worked hard to build it into their careers for physicians in the medical corps, allied professionals, and the healthcare administrators in the medical service corps, nurse corps officers, dental corps officers, and every enlisted rating in the Navy medical team. These people accept the profound responsibilities that are common to healthcare professionals anywhere, but they also train for and accept contingent assignments that may be even more profoundly important in the event of hostilities. Wherever the Navy and Marine Corps operate, these people deliver. I can assure you that the Navy places a very high value on their in-service, professional education, their morale and well-being, and their career satisfaction.