It is hot. Hello, good morning, happy, what day is it? Friday, oh my God, it's Friday. I've been like just so out of it this past week. It is 11 in the morning and it's already 90 degrees. In the last few days in a row, I have just been like feeling very blah and not caring about myself and not wanting to take care of myself. And today I was like, okay, I gotta go to work. I need to pull myself together. Let me wash my hair, blow it out, put on some makeup. Cause I always find that like when I'm in that kind of mood where I just feel very blonde, I don't want to do anything and I don't have like the energy to get out of bed. Forcing myself to get up, take a shower and pull myself together and like look nice and more presentable. It usually makes me feel better and then I end up having better, more productive days cause like I'm just, I feel good about myself. So I am currently on my way to the salon. I have one client at 12 o'clock and she's a new client, which I get new clients pretty often because majority of the services that I do are like big color transformations and they're typically like low maintenance colors. So I don't see my clients more than just like a few times a year. Like there are very few that I am seeing on a regular like four to six week basis. So majority of my clients are new clients usually, but every so often I get a little nervous, depending on what kind of person they are, what their personality is like, how like you're not going to always mesh with everyone, probably because most people find me on social media and they have seen my videos and they have an idea of what my personality is like and they are similar to me and that's why they come to me. So I feel like most of the time it goes really smooth and it's a great experience, but every so often I have a new client and they either like had a bad experience in the past or something where it takes a while for them to trust me which is fine and I get it, but it can be a little bit stressful for me as the stylist because I don't know, it just puts a lot of pressure on you. Anyway, I'm rambling, but basically like when I have a new client, I don't know what they look like. I have no, I know nothing about them other than their names. So I never know what to expect basically is what I'm trying to say. So have a new client today. I'm hoping that she's nice and that we click well and it goes smoothly. So yeah, I have my client at 12 and then depending on what we end up doing with her hair and how long it's gonna take, I should have a pretty decent gap and my mom is going to come by and we're gonna do her color. I feel so bad. She's been desperately needing to refresh her color and I just haven't had time to do it, but today I figured I just have this one client in the afternoon so I can do her hair later today once she gets out of work. And during that gap of time that I have, I have some laundry that I am gonna run up to my parents' house and just throw in the wash. I guess I should have did that before I left for work. I didn't manage my time properly this morning. I just got to the salon. I have about like 25 minutes until my client is supposed to get here. So I'm gonna go in and get everything set up and ready for her. Fingers crossed that she's nice. Oh no, who's? She's like, get away from my babies. He looks humongous next to me. Really? Who just bulldozed this time? Who dare to paw? I truly work at the best salon ever. So my boss works at our local animal shelter. She fosters dogs pretty regularly and her thing recently has been fostering pregnant dogs and then they give birth at her house. So that's actually how I got Benny. She was fostering his mom and then his litter was born at her house and I couldn't resist and I ended up adopting him and now she had another dog, the one that you saw when we first walked in and she had this litter and they are now six or seven weeks old. They're so cute. By the time you're seeing this, they probably already have gotten adopted. I'm pretty sure they already have applications in for them. So yeah, so cute. Now it's time to grab everything I need for my client. Just grabbing my Fraymar detangling brush, a foiling comb, a regular comb and some clips. So my client actually ended up being super nice. So I'm glad that it went well. Like I said, it usually goes very smoothly but I just, I don't know, I still sometimes get that occasional nervousness but yeah, she had some gray roots and she said that she had just been like touching them up with boxed eye for the last like two years or so because she travels a lot for her work and then COVID happened and everything. But luckily it wasn't like the layered up in her hair. She wasn't like pulling it all the way through but she did have, like it was a little bit uneven in some spots and she was just looking for something a little bit different but still low maintenance. So we talked about, you know, what would work for her, what she likes, what she doesn't like. So I decided to cover up her roots with permanent color. She's fine with having to come in every month or so to do that but we went with a little bit of like a warmer, more medium brown. And then I just painted a few pieces just to kind of break up the darkness on the ends and to just give her like a nice sun-kissed look. She was really happy with it. It came out really beautiful and it's just crazy like what a big difference something so small can make because I really only did maybe like six panels on her. Like it was a very quick appointment. Okay, so I just threw in my first load of laundry. I got two, maybe three loads to do. I figured rather than just like hanging out at the salon and killing time there, it would just come here, get that started. So put the first load to wash now. Now I'm gonna head back to the salon, do my mom's hair. Today is Saturday. Normally I would have work at the salon but this week it's like, I don't know, it's like a weird transitional week. I've talked about this before but when you work in a salon you have your really busy seasons and then you have your really slow seasons and there will be times during the year where I am completely, fully booked back to back for like an entire month plus. And then there will be other times where I'll only have a handful of people for the entire week. So today I didn't have anybody on my schedule. We're by appointment only. So if I don't have anybody on my schedule there's no point in me going in. So today I wanted to take advantage of this day and also take advantage of the fact that I have clean hair, film a video or two for YouTube, do an Instagram reel.  Okay, makeup is done. I just put on this like boxy white tea from H&M. I just ordered a new pair of earrings from the XIXI jewelry line which is by Adrienne Bylone or now Adrienne Houghton. I have been a fan of hers since I was a kid since the 3LW days. I just love her style. I love her entire look. She is so cute and she has a jewelry line now. All these earrings and I was like, wow, those are really cute. Not sponsored, I paid for these with my own money. They actually were really reasonable. I thought her line for some reason was gonna be like really expensive but everything, I guess it's all like gold plated jewelry so everything is really reasonable. These earrings I wanna say were around like $30. So cute. And I love them because they're kind of like twisted up so they're a little bit different than just regular plain hoops but they're like a really good staple piece and they feel in really good quality. They don't feel like super lightweight and flimsy and cheap but they're also not like crazy heavy that I feel like they'll hurt my ears. I feel like they'll be comfortable to wear all day but we'll see. I'll keep you guys updated. Oh and look how the box that the earrings came in is so nice too. I'll put a link to these earrings in the description if you wanna get them. Like I said, not sponsored at all. Hello, hello, good afternoon. It's many days later. It is Thursday today. Update on the earrings before I forget. They are actually super comfortable. Seems like the quality is great. I wore them almost every day since the last time I vlogged on Saturday. I'm currently on my way to the salon. I only have one client today and she is a new client. She came in a few weeks ago for a consultation so I already met her. I already know exactly what we're doing, the goals, everything. So that's good. It takes like the anxiousness that I was talking about earlier in the vlog away. And it should be pretty fun. We're gonna do like a red balayage. So I will see you at the salon. Just got to the salon. My client isn't scheduled to come in for another half hour but I have normally like getting here a little bit early just so that way I can make sure everything is like clean and ready to go. And that I have everything set up. I hate like arriving at the same time as my client or even worse after them. Cause I just, I don't know. I don't like how that feels. I feel like it's unprofessional. So I like to be here and be ready. So I got my Fremar detangling brush. Use that on basically every client. A round brush for when it's time to blow dry her a comb. I'm pretty sure we are trimming her hair. So conference that some clips. And then a foiling comb. Her hair is already lightened on the ends. She has like kind of a grown out balayage already. So we're just gonna do a partial foil to bring the light pieces up a little bit higher and make it, you know, like refreshed and really blended. And then we're just gonna throw a red toner on top of that because she wants to be red but she also wants something that's gonna grow out nicely and not have like a harsh line of demarcation. Why is it that when I have nowhere to go and I'm just like hopping in the shower at night I can throw my hair in like the cutest most effortless messy bun, no problem. And then when I am trying to go somewhere it takes like a million tries. It's Saturday morning. I am getting ready to go work at the salon. I just have one client today, thank God. And then after work I'm gonna hang out with one of my friends and we're gonna go to a winery. So I'm very excited. Looking forward to that and to be honest I kind of need to hurry up because I need to leave in the next like 10 minutes. But in this vlog I wanted to talk about burnout because no fail, every time I do a Q and A I get questions about this topic. Like how do I deal with burnout? Do I ever experience it? What do I do, et cetera? And I figured since I have been experiencing it recently why don't I just vlog and share how I feel about it and what I do in the moment? Cause I feel like that's more helpful and more relatable than me just like sitting down and giving you like a 30 second answer and explanation, you know? I'll meet you in the car. Guys, let's talk about burnout. It happens to me at least a few times a year, I wanna say. And I feel like there's different kinds of burnout. Like you can feel burnt out because maybe you just aren't establishing strong enough boundaries with your clients or even people in your personal life and maybe people are taking advantage of that. And you feel like you're constantly getting stepped all over and it's just like completely ripping at your soul and exhausting you. You could feel burnt out because maybe you're doing a lot of services that you just really don't like or you're having to deal with clients that aren't the right fit for you. Honestly for me, especially as someone that's like naturally more introverted, the most exhausting part of this job is not even like the actual physical aspect of like being on my feet. It's like the mental and emotional exhaustion of just dealing with so many different kinds of people. And there's some clients that you have that you just get along with so well and you feel like you're hanging out with a friend and it takes zero effort at all. And then there's other clients that like yesterday, yesterday, I had one of those clients that I love her. She's great. She's really, really sweet. But I feel like I have to put in more effort and be more like on, you know? Cause she is older than me. She's a mother. Like we're not, we don't have like a lot of similar interests or anything. So I feel like making conversation takes more effort and energy and not in a bad way, but it's just, you know, if you're an introvert too, you get what I'm saying. So maybe that's what's causing you burnout or it could just be that you are overworking yourself.  The reason I've been feeling burnt out recently is because May and June especially were insanely busy for me. And I think what makes it even more exhausting just for me personally is majority of my clientele are new clients and they're like big color appointments. And I feel like constantly having new clients as you guys saw earlier in the vlog, like sometimes it does cause me a lot of anxiety. So I lately have just been feeling really tired but luckily this whole month so far of July has been not totally dead but definitely slower. The last like week or two, I've really just been trying to relax, put myself first, put my health and mental health first and take advantage of the fact that I haven't been as busy with work. And I think that's really important. I think that whenever you're feeling burnt out you need to recognize what is it that's making you feel burnt out? Cause like I said before, there's a few different things that could be causing that feeling. Then figure out what do you need to do then to fix that because you can't run on fumes and it's not fair to you, it's not good for your body and it's also not fair to your clients because I know that once I'm getting to a point where I'm feeling kind of burnt out, I feel like I'm not giving 100% of myself to my clients and I'm not doing my best work. So that's why it's important. We need that time to like reset and just rest. That's how I experience burnout and what I do when I'm feeling that way. So I just have one client today, like I said, I haven't seen her in a while. I wanna say the last time I saw her was in the fall, maybe early winter, something like that, but I'm gonna run in now. She isn't here yet, so that's good.  I just realized that I got a before clip of my client's hair and I didn't get any clips during or after, but I'll insert some pictures. We ended up just doing a full foil. She just wanted to bring everything up higher, but last time I did her hair, it turns out was November. So it's been quite a while so she did need a full head. But now I am supposed to meet up with my friend to go get drinks in like two hours, hour and a half, two hours. Sorry, the alarm is going off. There's a firehouse down the street from the salon. Please hold. All right, the alarm finally stopped. But like I was saying, I have some time before I need to meet up with my friend for drinks and I figure it's not really like enough time that it's worth me driving back home. So while I'm down here in town, I may as well just stay here. I did want to record a hair tutorial. So I figure while I'm here, I may as well take advantage, wash my hair and then that way I can style it and film the tutorial all at once.  But I'll share it again. We've got some new products at the salon. We started using Verb. I've been using it on clients for a while now, but I haven't tried any other shampoo and conditioner on my own hair. So I'm gonna use the Ghost Shampoo and Conditioner. It smells really good. It's color safe, it detangles and softens. So I'm gonna try it on my hair for the first time. Definitely want to wear a cape so I don't get the back of my dress soaked. I like to pull the products over next to me so that I can reach them. I want pretty smoothly. I didn't even mess up my makeup. All right, I'm all done now. I styled my hair and I filmed my little tutorial. So I feel nice and accomplished and I'm officially done for the week now with work. And my hair feels and smells amazing.  I wanted to spray a little dry oil from that same line. The Verb Ghost Dry Oil. Just makes your hair soft and adds a little bit of shine without being too heavy. So I'm gonna wrap up this vlog here. Remember to take care of yourself. We all need a break every so often. We all need some time for self-care. And honestly, even just doing this, all week I had just been putting my hair up in a bun basically and didn't style it or anything. And now having my hair clean and freshly styled and having some makeup on and my cute little dress, I just feel, I feel really good. I hope that you guys are doing amazing. I hope that you have a great week and I'll see you in my next video. Bye.


Today, we're going to continue with Jesus and the beautiful workbook of A Course in Miracles for the transformation of consciousness to, you might say, reach the tippy-top of consciousness where you teach and learn the happy dream or the real world through perception. And we have been going through the lessons starting with January 1st here and now we're on today 10. Today is Wednesday the 10th of January 2024 and we're smack-deb in the middle of this great awakening, this transformation of consciousness and so 10 is a nice number. We've made it up to number 10. I'd say the first nine lessons and this lesson are dismantling the ego-belief system. It's really Jesus cheering us on to begin to question everything that we desire, everything that we believe, everything we think, everything we feel, and everything that we perceive. Some of you know I have a book, it's really three books in one, but it's called Unwind Your Mind Back to God. And wow, that's the complete package of putting everything together in the mind training with explanations and examples of how to begin tracing things back to your mind and choosing again. And so when we go for this transformation, it is definitely a mind overhaul. This is definitely unwinding the mind completely from what it was believing before and what it was thinking before. And the old way of perceiving, we'll just say the past, clinging to the past and not opening our hearts and minds up to the light of truth, that has not served us. So the past is the darkness and the past is over and gone, but we have to really accept that. We can't leave any scraps of darkness hiding in the unconscious mind or hold on to any scraps of the past, otherwise we are not opening to the Holy Instant to the present moment. So as we start today, before we get into number 10 today, our lesson for the day, I thought I would just give a quick review of the first lessons that we've been going through. Starting off with nothing I see means anything, followed by I've given everything I see, all the meaning it has for me. I do not understand anything I see. Lesson number four, these thoughts do not mean anything. Then we got into our five, six, seven, eight rhythm there. Number five, I'm never upset for the reason I think. Number six, I'm upset because I see something that's not there. Number seven, I see only the past. And number eight, my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts. See isn't it great when we go through them and you hear them all together. You start to see there's an undoing happening here. Lesson number nine, I see nothing as it is now. And then today's lesson is my thoughts do not mean anything. Lesson number 10, this idea applies to all the thoughts of which you are aware or become aware in the practice periods. The reason the idea is applicable to all of them is that they are not your real thoughts. We have made this distinction before and we'll do so again. You have no basis for comparison as yet. When you do, you will have no doubt that once you once believed where your thoughts did not mean anything. This is the second time we have used this kind of idea. The form is only slightly different. This time the idea is introduced with my thoughts instead of these thoughts. And no link is made overtly with the things around you. The emphasis is now on the lack of reality of what you think you think. This aspect of the correction process began with the idea that the thoughts of which you are aware are meaningless outside rather than within and then stress their past rather than their present status. Now we are emphasizing that the presence of these thoughts means you are not thinking. This is merely another way of repeating our earlier statement that your mind is really a blank. To recognize this is to recognize nothingness when you think you see it. As such, it is the prerequisite for vision. Close your eyes for these exercises and introduce them by repeating the idea for today quite slowly to yourself. Then add, this idea will help to release me from all that I now believe. My thoughts do not mean anything. This idea will help to release me from all that I now believe. The exercises consist, as before, in searching your mind for all the thoughts that are available to you without any selection or judgment. Try to avoid classification of any kind. In fact, if you find it helpful to do so, you might imagine that you are watching an oddly assorted procession going by, which has little, if any, personal meaning to you. As each one crosses your mind, say, my thought about does not mean anything. My thought about does not mean anything. Today's thought can obviously serve for any thought that distresses you at any time. In addition, five practice periods are recommended, each involving no more than a minute or so of mind searching. It is not recommended that this time period be extended, and it should be reduced to half a minute or less if you experience discomfort. Remember, however, to repeat the idea slowly before applying it specifically and also to add, this idea will help to release me from all that I now believe. Beautiful. My thoughts do not mean anything. So in this transformation of consciousness, we are willing to first look at all the trains of thought that are moving through the mind. These are ego trains of thought. These are thoughts about the past and the future. Jesus told us in the text that no single instant does the body exist at all, meaning in the light of truth, in the holy instant. There is no body. There are no body thoughts. There are no thoughts of the world, a form based on the past or the future. There are no thoughts of the cosmos based on the past or the future, and these trains of past and future thoughts are defending the mind against the recognition of the present moment of the holy instant. Or we could say these trains of thought, when you give your attention over to these trains of thought, then you do not know the power of now. You do not know the power of the present because these thoughts are not the present. These are not our real thoughts. In the present moment, all of our real thoughts, the thoughts we think with God, are fully available and fully embraced. I am spirit is a beautiful example of a real thought. Or even I am, that's a real thought. But that is a spirit thought. That is a thought that comes from God. I am as God created me. There's a real thought. But the thoughts of the past and future are not real, and they are distracting us from our stillness, from our natural happiness and joy, from our inner peace. So some of you have practiced meditation, and you know that oftentimes a meditation instructor will say, just observe your thoughts. And that's what Jesus is really doing. He's teaching us Christ's meditation here in Lesson 10. Just observe the thoughts just as a, it's kind of like an odd procession. He called it that you just are watching go by. You might imagine that you are watching an oddly assorted procession going by, which has little if any personal meaning to you. So as you watch these trains of thought and you practice the lesson for today, my thoughts do not mean anything. Basically, you're just watching the thoughts, but you're not hopping on the trains. You see, there's a difference between watching the train, the train of thought and hopping on it.  Come back to watching, observing the thoughts. And this is a good first step in training the mind to just witness and observe these ego thoughts from my very detached place held up high by the Holy Spirit and Jesus. So you're not buying into the thoughts. And this is very, very important. These lessons are extremely important. There's nothing I will guarantee you. There's nothing in the world that is as important as the mind training of training your mind, disciplining your mind to open up to to God, to source, to true identity, to know thyself. There is nothing in the world that compares. In fact, all the past thoughts and future thoughts, all the goals of the world and all the pursuits are really just trying to run away from the light. And when you stop and are still and you open up to the light of how precious, how glorious, how beautiful it is. So it's just beautiful to be with you, sharing this. And actually, I thought today, I would pull from some writings from the Christ from Jesus that come in in some forms that sometimes you're not always aware of. I thought I would start off with a section from the clarification of terms today in A Course in Miracles. And then I thought I would shift over to the song of prayer and go through a section there called Forgiveness for Salvation. And then finally, up into the psychotherapy pamphlet, Purpose, Process, and Practice. And we could pop into a section there called The Purpose of Psychotherapy. So we're going to get a beautiful clarification of terms, section from Jesus called Mind, Spirit, Then Forgiveness for Salvation, True Forgiveness, a good lesson in what that is and what it means. And finally, the Purpose of Psychotherapy, using psychotherapy terms to come at the same glorious light in the mind that is the light of healing. So let's start with Mind, Spirit. Since we're talking about thoughts, we're basically being told today the thoughts I see, my thoughts are, do not mean anything. And so when we go to look into that a little bit deeper, we're going to get a little bit of context for that. Some of you know that I've had a process called Instrument for Peace that's based on the teaching that Jesus gave me called Levels of Mind, but basically the perceptual realm is the projection. And projection makes perception. So what is being projected are these emotions and feelings that are generated by the ego. So the Ring of Fear underneath the perceptual realm generates the perceptual realm. And then underneath the emotions are the thoughts. And that's what we're looking at in our lesson for today. There's meaningless thoughts, private thoughts that are producing fear and all of its derivatives, yolk, shame, pain, suffering of all time. And then a projected world that is a projection of those emotions. And we should say all even opposite emotions that seem to be inspired or coming from the ego belief system, basically even pleasure and pain, all of it is these emotions are being projected out as a perceptual world. And then underneath the realm of thought is the realm of belief. And that's where you shift your mind with the Holy Spirit's help from the belief system of the ego to the belief system of the Holy Spirit, which is forgiveness. And then underneath that is your desire or your prayer, the prayer of your heart, which is really what sets in motion the awakening, the redemption, the salvation. It's prayer. And Jesus taught us to pray. And he went off to the mount to pray and he prayed unceasingly to know God and did know God and does know God and is a very, very good instructor because of his knowing God and knowing the kingdom of heaven. So we start off with the manual clarification of terms with section number one, mind spirit. The term mind is used to represent the activating agent of spirit supplying its creative energy. When the term is capitalized, it refers to God or Christ, i.e. the mind of God or the mind of Christ. Spirit is the thought of God, which he created like himself. The unified spirit is God's one son or Christ. In this world, because the mind is split, the sons of God appear to be separate, nor do their minds seem to be joined. In this illusory state, the concept of an individual mind seems to be meaningful. It is therefore described in the Course as if it has two parts, spirit and ego. So we could say spirit, the unified spirit and the ego, which is the belief in private minds and private thoughts and bodies and fragmentation and the whole linear cosmos. Spirit is the part that is still in contact with God through the Holy Spirit who abides in this part but sees the other part as well. The term soul is not used except in direct biblical quotations because of its highly controversial nature. It would however be an equivalent of spirit, with the understanding that being of God, it is eternal and was never born. The other part of the mind is entirely illusory and makes only illusions. Spirit retains the potential for creating but its will, which is God's, seems to be imprisoned while the mind is not unified. Creation continues unabated because that is the will of God. This will is always unified and therefore has no meaning in this world. It has no opposite and no degrees. The mind can be right or wrong depending on the voice to which it listens. Right-mindedness listens to the Holy Spirit, forgives the world and through Christ's vision sees the real world in its place. This is the final vision, the last perception, the condition in which God takes the final step himself. Here time and illusions end together. Wrong-mindedness listens to the ego and makes illusions, perceiving sin and justifying anger and seeing guilt, disease and death as real. Both this world and the real world are illusions because right-mindedness merely overlooks or forgives what never happened. Therefore, it is not the one-mindedness of the Christ mind whose will is one with God's. In this world, the only remaining freedom is the freedom of choice, always between two choices or two voices. Will is not involved in the perception at any level and has nothing to do with choice. Consciousness is a receptive mechanism receiving messages from above or below, from the Holy Spirit or the ego. Consciousness has levels and awareness can shift dramatically but it cannot transcend the perceptual realm. At its highest, it becomes aware of the real world and can be trained to do so increasingly. Yet the very fact that it has levels and can be trained demonstrates that it cannot reach knowledge. So, what I just read, how that relates to our lesson of the day, my thoughts do not mean anything, is that when the mind is asleep, it is only aware of meaningless thoughts, it's only aware of ego thoughts, it's only aware of private thoughts and these thoughts are of the past and the future and basically we can begin to realize that when we say my thoughts do not mean anything, we're just looking at every single thought that crosses the mind. This is the beginning of mind training because until there is no exceptions made to seeing this experience of the unreality of these thoughts, that the thoughts that cross the mind have no meaning whatsoever, until that point comes then the mind is just asleep and dreaming but its dream is basically the projection of these unreal thoughts and so what we just read in the clarification of terms in terms of the right mind and the wrong mind, the wrong mind is the experience of these private thoughts and these attack thoughts and judgments and past thoughts and future thoughts is being real and right mindedness sees that they're not, that's why right mindedness leads back to heaven, right mindedness leads to peace of mind, right mindedness is the thoughts that we think with God, the thoughts we think with the Holy Spirit, with Jesus and the whole point of training your mind is just to be consistently right minded which means to be consistently peaceful, happy, joyful in bliss that's the point of training your mind towards right mindedness so that little section there from the clarification of terms helps us get clear that that's why my thoughts do not mean anything is because they're egoic, they're flowing through, they're all past future thoughts and the Holy Spirit can still come through into your mind through consciousness as we read from, it's the ego that's from below and symbolically the Holy Spirit from above but the guidance and the inspiration of guidance comes from above and it inspires action so when you're in a miracle sometimes there's an action component and that's inspired so you feel happy and inspired when you're tuned into the Holy Spirit. Next we jump to the song of prayer and in this section we're going to look at is section three forgiveness for salvation because the whole point of becoming consistently right minded is forgiveness that's what forgiveness is forgiveness is the experience that none of the world or the thoughts of the world or the belief systems of the world are real so forgiveness is seeing the false is false and Jesus is calling this in section three of the song of prayer forgiveness for salvation, salvation of the mind restoring the mind to its wholeness to its completion forgiveness for salvation has one form and only one it does not ask for proof of innocence nor pay of any kind it does not argue nor evaluate the errors that it wants to overlook it does not offer gifts in treachery nor promised freedom while it asks for death would God deceive you he but asked for trust and willingness to learn how to be free he gives his teacher to whoever asks and seeks to understand the will of God his readiness to give lies far beyond your understanding in your simple grasp yet he has willed you learn the way to him and in his willing there is certainty you child of God the gifts of God are yours not by your plans but by his holy will his voice will teach you what forgiveness is and how to give it as he wills it be do not then seek to understand what is beyond you yet but let it be a way to draw you up to where the eyes of Christ become the site you choose give up all else for there is nothing else when someone calls for help in any form he is the one to answer for you all that you need to do is to step back and not interfere forgiveness for salvation is his task and it is he who will respond for you do not establish what the form should be that Christ forgiveness takes he knows the way to make him every call help to you as you arise in haste to go at last until your father's house now can you make your footsteps sure your words sincere not with your own sincerity but with his own let him take charge of how you would forgive and each occasion will then be be to you another step to heaven and to peace are you not weary of imprisonment god did not choose this sorry path for you what you have chosen still can be undone for prayer is merciful and god is just his is a justice he can understand but you cannot as yet still will he give the means to you to learn of him and know at last that condemnation is not real and makes illusions and it's evil name and yet it matters not the form that dreams may seem to take illusions are untrue god's will is truth and you are one with him in will and purpose here all dreams are done what should i do for him your holy son should be the only thing you ever ask when help is needed and forgiveness son the form the seeking takes you need not judge and let it not be you who sets the form in which forgiveness comes to save god's son the light of christ in him is his release and it is this that answers to his call forgive him as the christ decides you should and be his eyes through which you look on him and speak for him as well he knows the need the question and the answer he will say exactly what to do in words that you can understand and you can also use do not confuse his function with your own he is the answer you the one who hears and what it is what is it he speaks to you about about salvation and the gift of peace about the end of sin and guilt and death about the role forgiveness has in him do you but listen for he will be heard by anyone who calls upon his name and places his forgiveness in his hands forgiveness has been given him to teach to save it from destruction and to make the means for separation sin and death become again the holy gift of god prayer is his own right hand made free to save as true forgiveness is allowed to come from his eternal vigilance and love listen and learn and do not judge it is to god you turn to hear what you should do his answer will be clear as morning nor is his forgiveness what you think it is so this section is basically telling us to step out of the way completely if the thoughts if my thoughts are not real if my thoughts are meaningless the thoughts of time and space that discuss my mind then i need to pray and ask to be shown to be guided to to listen to see the innocence in myself and my brothers and sisters and and this is forgiveness for salvation so that's the point of the mind training that's why we're doing the workbook lessons of the course of miracles is is to step aside and let god take us into the light of truth into the holy instant and that is so valuable it's the it is all value sometimes people say yeah ecco tolly really talks a lot about the present moment and uh and jesus is cheering that on basically saying yeah it's the only thing that has importance that the present moment is the closest approximate approximate to approximation to eternity so basically if you are desiring to know god you're desiring to know eternity and you're desiring to let go of all beliefs in the near time and you do that in prayer you do that in meditation you come with holy empty hands unto the lord that i got how beautiful how beautiful that is and i'm going to take a sip of drink and now we're going to move to the psychotherapy pamphlet that jesus gave us so we're going to use psychological terms and psychotherapy terms now and the section i'm going to read from today is is called the purpose of psychotherapy so whether we call it forgiveness and salvation or whether we talk at the purpose of psychotherapy you can see the wording is different but the content is the same the purpose of psychotherapy very simply the purpose of psychotherapy is to remove the blocks the truth its aim is to aid the patient in abandoning his fixed delusional system thought system and to begin to reconsider the spurious cause and effect relationships on which it rests no one in this world escapes fear but everyone can reconsider its causes and learn to evaluate them correctly god has given everyone a teacher whose wisdom and help far exceed whatever contributions an earthly therapist can provide if there are times and situations in which an earthly patient therapist's relationship becomes the means through which he offers his greater gifts to both what better purpose could any relationship have than to invite the holy spirit to enter it and give it his own great gift of rejoicing what higher goal could there be for anyone than to learn to call upon god and hear his answer and what more transcendent aim can there be than to recall the way the truth in the life and to remember god to help in this is the proper purpose of psychotherapy could anything be holier where psychotherapy correctly understood teaches forgiveness and helps the patient to recognize and accept it and into his healing is the therapist forgiven with him everyone who needs help regardless of the form of his distress is attacking himself and his peace of mind is suffering in consequence these tendencies are often described as self-destructive and the patient who regards them in that way himself what he does not realize and needs to learn is that this self which can attack and be attacked as well is a concept he made out further he cherishes it defends it and is sometimes even willing to sacrifice his life on its behalf that would be suicide for he regards it as himself this small self sees and he sees as being acted on reacting to external forces as they demand and helpless miss the power of the world so again we can start to see how this relates to our lesson today number 10 my thoughts do not mean anything because basically these thoughts that are crossing the mind these trains of thought these streams of thought are all self-concept thoughts they're all imaged thoughts they're all personality thoughts personality thoughts and thoughts about the world that seems to surround the personality it's a giant self concept that involves the the personality and the belief in private minds private thoughts and linear time and a linear world that we call communities or countries or or planets or galaxies you know it it's the same it's all a projection the entire cosmos of time and space is a projection of these thoughts these streams of thoughts that are going through the mind thoughts of past and future and then we had Jesus reminding us constantly that the past is gone the future is but imagined and these concerns past and future are but defenses against present change of focus against these defenses of past and future are trying to keep you from knowing who you are now it's all a defense against the light it's all a defense against the present moment that's why you know if you want to devote your life to spiritual awakening devoted to being present that's what Eckhart is constantly saying be present be in presence you know that's the point of everything is the present moment right now is the healing release always it's never in the future and it was never in the past psychotherapy then must restore to his awareness the ability to make his own decisions to choose heaven he must become willing to reverse his thinking and to understand that what he thought projected its effect on him or made by his projections on the world the world he sees therefore the world he sees does therefore not exist until this is at least in part accepted the patient cannot see himself is really capable of making decisions and he will fight against his freedom because he thinks that it is slavery so it's like the patient goes into the therapist and is like here make my world better and the therapist is is trying to dispel illusions and dispel all thoughts and and it's usually a process of step by step where you know the patient goes to the therapist and the therapist says welcome happy to have you and this is our first session tell me a little bit about yourself and thus the patient begins describing the perceptual world that that is believed to be real and the therapist as guided by the intuition in the spirit will will help him unwind from that and begin to see that the self that that was believed in is not real never was real and the world and the perception of this self is not real and never was real the patient need not think of truth as god in order to make progress in salvation but he must begin to separate truth from illusion recognizing that they are not the same and become increasingly willing to see illusions as false and to accept the truth as true his teacher will take him on from there as far as he is ready to go psychotherapy can only save him time the holy spirit uses time as he thinks best and he is never wrong psychotherapy under his direction is one of the meanings he uses to save time and to prepare additional teachers for his work there is no end to the help that he begins and he directs by whatever routes he chooses all psychotherapy leads to god in the end but that is up to him we are all his psychotherapist for he would have us all be healed in him so wow we start off with lesson number 10 my thoughts do not mean anything and then we got a little sprinkling of mind spirit jesus giving us the overall context for spiritual awakening from clarification of terms and then we got a beautiful teaching on forgiveness for salvation very beautiful indeed from the song prayer and then from the psychotherapy pamphlet we finally moved into the purpose of psychotherapy so again you can call it forgiveness you can call it healing you can call it salvation or redemption you can call it awakening you can call it anything you want to call it you can call it absolutely anything you want to call it it's not in the words it's in the practice of letting go of illusions letting go of falsity letting go of the unreal you know this the introduction of a course in miracles ends with this course can be therefore be summed up in the following nothing real can be threatened nothing unreal exists herein lies the peace of god so so if you feel the energy of that you can feel the energy that the light that is underneath these first 10 workbook lessons of a course in miracles it's just saying you have a perceptual problem what does that mean you're perceiving a world that's not really there that's uh when we did our five six seven eight i'm i'm never upset for the reason i think is number five number six i'm upset because i see something that's not there so jesus is saying you you believe you separated from god you're hallucinating a world that isn't there and you're upset because you're seeing a world that isn't there instead of seeing the and everything in terms of the light of heaven your which is true vision vision of christ you're you're trying to see through a filter called ego that's incapable of seeing you know you've got some very very very dark sunglasses on in your mind because the ego filter is showing you nothing but hallucination and illusions and you're believing in them and that's where the upset is coming in so obviously to forgive is just to let go of everything you think you think everything you think you know and to hold on to nothing of the past because the past was a poor teacher of reality if if heaven is reached through the holy instant from from right now then anything of the past or of the future is basically distracting you from be still and know that i'm god you know as we read in the bible coming to the stillness of the presence of god's loving and know god in the stillness in the divine silence don't keep trying to cover over the light with thoughts of the past and the future all these cause effect relationships jesus just called them spurious cause effect relationships are the beliefs that things of the past cause the future or even things of the past cause the present the present is before time was as jesus thought us you know in the course in the bible before abraham was i am he's really saying no everything of time and space is part of the veil that you cover over your bright christ light and your bright happiness and joy of the living light the living light of the world the way the truth in the life that you are in reality that jesus demonstrated for us you know that is just being covered over by these meaningless thoughts you know in the in the workbook of a course in miracles in uh in workbook lesson 135 jesus tells us not to activate the past organize the present or plan the future wow that's a be still line you know imagine if you lived your life and don't you see that any stress or conflict or frustration that you seem to experience is just from trying to activate the past organize the present or plan the future and jesus is saying you can stop that you can pray to the holy spirit and the holy spirit will guide you using your meaningless thoughts to give you guidance to unwind your mind back to god so you see how practical guidance is and how practical your intuition is you need guidance how else are you going to unwind if you if you believe in hallucinations and jesus is saying let the holy spirit use those hallucinations those perceptions those symbols will call them symbols of time and space past and future let the holy spirit use those in a joyful way and they're always for the purpose of forgiveness for unwinding you're not here to build something new you're not here to to make something happen in the world you're not here to invent anything you're not here to forge or or promote something informed you're just here to let go of the world and be still and be happy and that's the beauty of of it all so yeah i i thank you for for joining me on this beautiful journey and uh yeah these workbook lessons are profound that's the best use of time of the belief in time is to give the belief in time and space to the holy spirit and say be you in charge you just give me the guidance what would you have me do where would you have me go what would you have me say and to whom show me lead me guide me let me sparkle today let me be used to bring the blessings of heaven uh in every interaction i have every single holy encounter let it be for a blessing and then you feel wonderful because to shine your light is the most natural thing jesus told us in the bible don't hide your light uh under a bushel you know he was telling us let it let it shine forth you've got nothing to be embarrassed about you've got nothing to be afraid of you've got nothing to be concerned with uh you don't have anything to worry about because you're giving over the symbols and the images of time and space to the holy spirit and saying have some fun today let's have some fun let's be playful let's be joyful let's as the bible says let's make a happy noise a beautiful noise for the lord thy god let's let's sing a happy song today let's have a happy tune in our hearts you know just skipping along and and following the prompt so as it'll inter nudges you will find that it's natural to be happy it's natural to be joyful it's natural to shine your light and to share miracles that you you don't shy away from the the word miracle worker you know who if not you then who and jesus is is going to send those miracles through your mind and let them radiate out to the whole universe because that is the only use of time that there is there's no need to try to achieve something in form accumulate something in form if you had any ambitions in form give them to the holy spirit and and the things that you seem to enjoy and like will be incorporated into the guidance that you receive so you can skip along and sing a happy song so thank you thank you thank you for being with me i see that we've had a whole group of us on live today 103 of us and how beautiful that we're starting out the day like this with a happy song in our heart and we're not going to let the ego try to slip slide us into oblivion we're going to go open up our hearts in the present moment to the kingdom of heaven within that's the mystical christ let's go inside to the kingdom of heaven and let's so go deeper than these meaningless thoughts by first just practicing the lesson today my thoughts do not mean anything i'm not going to get bent out of shape and i'm not going to get disturbed by nothing and these thoughts that i think i think that that flowed through my mind today i'm going to begin to look at them and laugh at them instead of taking them so serious okay beautiful god bless you and amen


Family Theater presents Frank Lovejoy and Joan Leslie from Hollywood the Mutual Network in Cooperation with Family Theater presents Gustafson starring Frank Lovejoy And now here is your hostess Joan Leslie Thank You Tony LaFranco Family Theater's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives If we are to win peace for ourselves peace for our families and peace for the world Family Theater urges you to pray pray together as a family And now to our transcribed drama Gustafson starring Frank Lovejoy as Id I hadn't thought about him for three or four years and I'd stopped wanting to think about him for a lot longer than that And the more it faded into the past the more I realized there wasn't anything I could do but keep it locked up inside me and learn to live with it It wasn't easy, but at least for the first few years. I had the nightmares all to myself. I Could wake up sweating and shivering at the same time and still be a little relieved that it was my red wagon And only one other person knew I was pulling it But then in 1948 I married Carol and still the nightmares didn't stop Gustafson that's his dog tag and wake up your dream don't let him go Gustafson What's the matter honey You were yelling in your sleep. I was Who's Gustafson what? Well, you were talking about somebody named Gustafson. Oh Who's he one of your clients? No, no, honey. It's uh I Used to know a guy by that name a long time ago in the army You were dreaming about him. Yeah, I I Guess so. I don't know why are you sure everything's all right sure sure, honey. You forget it Forget it. I almost did too. I Thought I had it buried so far down underneath everything else that I wouldn't even recognize it if I saw it and Then just last Saturday Saturday morning Something arrived in the mail that blew the whole thing wide open again Okay, it's a letter from Josie. Oh good good more toast. No you finish it up There's other big envelopes from her too. Oh, what is it photograph and clothes do not bend. Oh, probably a graduation picture a graduation She just started college a couple of years ago Exactly for This won't convince you your little sister's grown up. Nothing ever will what's that she's engaged engaged Listen, I'm sending you a picture that Carl and I had taken together He's really much better looking and all the girls in the house are Green with envy what house sorority listen Mother and dad came up to school last month and met Carl and his mother and Everyone got on beautifully We're going to be married sometime this fall as soon as Carl gets definite word that his job with the department is set He's the youngest Assistant professor in the university and he speaks better English than I do So don't expect you'll be meeting someone just off the boat. Oh, what does that mean? Well, he's the same one she wrote us about last year the exchange student from Germany Carl Carl Schram Well, if he's okay with the folks he's okay with me Let's see what he looks like. Hmm. That's a picture. That's probably what this is.  I'm gonna be late for work as it is by Not bad not good, but not bad Want to look at your future brother-in-law? Yeah. Yeah, let me see Wow, he seems to be a What's the better don't you like Josie's taste in men this this guy he's What's wrong? I I know him I'm sure it's the guy. What guy? Let me see that letter again What's this all about? Carl Carl Carl Schram Doesn't say where he was born You're sure Josie said he was a German. I showed you the other letter. Where is it? I threw it out. It was a year ago. I think she said he came from Dusseldorf for one of those places Oh, that's the guy. I'm sure of it. Ed, you're not making any sense at all. I know him I knew him back in Germany nine ten years ago during the war. Are you sure? Oh, it's that's the guy Listen honey, I've got to see him. It's something I've never told you about and I'm not gonna tell you now Not until I'm sure but I've got to see this man right away Hey, if you're in any trouble. No, no, it's not any trouble. It's not the kind you think Tell me please what is it? Look as soon as I've left call the folks and ask mom if she'll drive over and spend the night with you She'll tell you she knows all about it I told her the whole thing the night I got home from overseas About Gustafson just ask her that tell her I said it was okay. Ask her to tell you about Gustafson It was almost seven o'clock that evening when I stepped off the train at the university station I'd sent a wire ahead to Josie my kid's sister and she was there to meet me Ed, I'm just bursting with curiosity. Why are you down here? Well, it's uh, it's a bunch cram Carl the man you're engaged to What about him? How long has he been over in this country about two years? He came over here as an exchange student and then they offered him an instructor's job and a year's fellowship in the science school Hi Well, I think I know him you know him. How could you know Carl? I recognized him from the picture you sent I Know him when he was a German soldier prisoner of war in Belgium. You were never a prisoner of war. He he was the prisoner Ed you must be mistaken. I tell you I recognized his picture How old is he now? 26. Yeah, that fits this kid was about 16 or 17. Why do you want to see him? I just want to ask him something Look Eddie, I'm in love with Carl. The war's been over for a long time Yeah, I know that mom and dad have met him and his mother and everything's rosy So if you've come down here with a chip on your show, I haven't got any chip on my shoulder all I wanted some information. I I Think car can help me. What kind of information? Well, it's something about What happened in Belgium almost 10 years ago? How would he know about believe me? He might he was there. What's it about? Can't you even tell me that? Well, you remember when I first came back home in 46, of course Well, you were still in grammar school. I was in the eighth grade. I remember you remember my talking to the folks about a Soldier an American soldier named Gustafson. Oh I think so Wasn't that the boy from Minnesota? You were so interested in finding you got a good memory. He's the one But I never did find him even though I went back to his hometown to look I still don't see where Carl comes into this. Well, I think he might be able to help me But what could he know about an American soldier? He could know plenty believe me honey, and I don't like this a bit You come in here and stir up a lot of dad. I'm not trying to stir up anything, but it's important Josie and I can't tell you how important I'm gonna have to meet Carl sooner or later I just want to ask him a few questions Tonight If you can arrange it Well, all right He's usually home from the lab around eight. I'll give him a call soon as you finish eating Mrs. Shram told Josie over the phone that her son Carl wasn't expected home before 830 So to kill time we took a walk around the campus There was a new student commons at the south end of the quad, but the rest of it The elm trees the blinking lighted windows in the residence hall The spring smell of new grass and fresh magnolia that hadn't changed It could have been 1941 all over again when I was Eddie Montgomery and the alpha delt house was the hub of the universe But then we walked up Cushing Street past the science building where Josie told me Carl had his office And I realized it could never again be 1941 or 1942 or 40 anything for Eddie Montgomery It would always be now and from now on And if Eddie was going to go on picking up the check for what it cost him to live with himself at least He meant to find out what he was paying for no matter who it hurt Ed, please promise me you won't I've already promised you all right It's just that I don't want anything. All right. All right. I promised Josie hello Carl and This must be it glad to know your car. Come in. Come in mother. It's Josie and Oh, we're not busting in on your dinner nonsense. Yeah, let me take your coats. I just happened to be up this way And I you're the only member of the family. We haven't met. Yeah, I have it. Thank you Josie, how are you? I'm fine. Mrs. Sram. I I want you to meet my big brother Ed. How do you do, Mrs. Sram? So you are Ed Josie has told us all about you Nothing complimentary I trust.  That's what I mean. Come in come into the living room Is always fixing my English Josie you must never have a son to be a professor. I promise. Well, I don't Now we have met all the Montgomery's Josie tells me you were a student here Ed a back in 41 before the war. Yes Were you in the science school like Josie? No, no commerce major. Oh, they have a fine school here I understand very fine. That's one of the best. This girl has some of them the fresh ones Freshman mother. Yes Freshman's in his survey course. Don't you know one class Ed? It's required. They take a science survey or mathematics Yeah, I know I wish I'd taken that when I was here instead of the math Did you flunk it? No, no not quite, but I didn't make a high enough mark to qualify for v7 As a Navy training program they had here during the war. Oh Incidentally Carl, you were you served in the German army, didn't you? Yes There are a few months very late in the war. Where were you captured at Ark in it? How did you know I was captured? Don't you remember me? Should I I was stationed in Belgium during December 1944 in Namur Namur Really? I was an uncommon with that signal outfit in the cavalry concern the concern where you used to do all the KP duty Mother Ed was one of the American soldiers while I was a prisoner. Can you imagine? Josie isn't that Incredible that your own brother.  Well, I must admit you didn't look much like Superman hardly We were the scrapings at the bottom of the keg the Volk's term Babies and old men. Well, it was pretty close to the end. Yes Harkin was the first and last place we did any fighting That's pathetic that's showing we made. Oh, I don't know from what I saw that place You must have put up quite a scrap at the beginning. Yes, we tried to but they must be talk of the war tonight I'm sorry mother.  Well, not much. Oh a little heavier, perhaps. I Must have made quite an impression you did but why? You remember what it was like that December Carl When you're getting counter-attack and started to come back across the muse. Yes The battle of the bulge you call yes, that's right You remember how nervous everyone was around headquarters that first week of the battle when the rumor got out that The German soldiers were coming through the lines in American uniforms. I Remember the rumor well the night the rumor got out. You were working in the mess hall You remember that you were working in the Chao line pouring coffee Perhaps I was but I don't understand well I came through the Chao on that night behind a soldier an American soldier. I had just met It was a tall dark guy with a long scar on his cheek and another on his forehead You remember him No No, I can't say that I do I Don't see how my car would remember an American soldier so long ago I knew your message in Falcon and some of the cooks But if this man was a stranger, I didn't say he was a stranger, but you said you had just met him Oh, yes, that's true, but he didn't seem to be a stranger to Carl at the time I had a feeling that they recognized one another Yeah, what are you driving? I just want to know if car remembers the man How would he know an American so that's why I'm asking I don't understand you well He wouldn't normally know a strange American, so I don't think the man was an American I I think he was a German wearing a gi uniform because Carl recognized him. Well, what if he was what difference does it make? It makes a difference to me This seems to be very important to you Carl I Know if you remembered such a thing you would have told me wouldn't you? Yes, mother, but but you never did No So all I can feel it is that you must be mistaken Carl Think hard He was tall. He was about your height, but he had dark hair and scars on his face big ones I I'm sorry, I Don't remember the men Well Well, thanks anyhow Jersey. This is something you will have to face for a long time The war every time Americans and Europeans get together. It is all they talk of I Suppose we'll get used to it won't we Carl is of course. We will dear that we have had our talk of the war How would you both like some hot coffee and schnick? Oh wonderful, and would you? Oh? Oh, sure sure Carl. I'd love some then you both make yourselves comfortably Comfortable mother comfortable. Can I help Mrs? No, no, Josie. This is the night for the trams to make for the Montgomery's what I'd like to Then I am your mother-in-law. You can make on the other time, but now we must make an equation Come along Carl Do you take cream and sugar both it? I just sugar. Thank you same for me. No, I know all about you Even protect us mother. He doesn't believe you Carl. I could see it in his face. Yes, I know Why is he here? Why is he digging up the past mother? I wish I knew here Help me with the coffee things. We must not be too long And I really don't remember here my there perhaps he works for the United States government No, I don't think so sin fire. You see asking so many questions. I don't know I don't know He could be with the government Josie told me works for an insurance company. He could be with the government, too It's possible, but you saw that letter from our dinner that's still trying more criminals in the vest Even so you have been given amnesty, but many remain in prison and still others are yet being hunted after 10 years Does not matter Carl There's only one way out of this.  I I Think Josie could be trust. No He is her brother They would make you an undesirable alien and you lose your job in your future. Maybe not Why should he be punished now when it all happened so long ago, but It seems to matter so much to him to add it matters more to you There is only one way you must lie A few minutes later Carl followed his mother back into the living room carrying a tray of coffee cups and a plate of schnicken I Could tell from the look on mrs. Ram's face that I'd gotten close to something But I couldn't think of any way to reopen the subject until Josie gave me the chance Josie schnicken thanks, honey And you're it is very good. I made it myself. I can smell. It's good. Thank you mrs. Shrimp Ed mm-hmm I've stayed out of this so far, but well now that you've asked Carl all your questions Would you mind telling me why you were so interested in this soldier you thought he knew? Well, like I told you Because I thought he was a German but you never found out. No, I never did Well, then what makes you think that he was a German the way Carl looked at him Ed. I've been thinking yeah, I Got to know most of the men in your company except you in fact I'm surprised I don't remember you well I was on detached service most of that time car with a signal outfit up in the edge Oh, maybe that would explain it he the the soldier might have been a new man in your company at Namur And you just didn't know him no no no he wasn't a new man. I knew that for sure He was never connected with that company He left the next day and yet after all these years you're still looking for him the soldier with the dueling scars on his face I didn't know that they were dueling scars from the way you describe them Americans don't get dueling scars Carl I meant from a sport fencing perhaps you meant dueling scars like German students I assure you I was a German wasn't he and you know it.  What do you want? What are you after? I'm after the truth. I want to know if that man was a German why what difference does it make? Are you hunting escape war criminals or something? No? I just want to know I've been trying to find out for ten years Are you trying to implicate us because they are Germans is that by the war is not over for you? No, Mrs. Sram. No, do you still hate us so much? Eddie, this is enough you've got to stop. I love these people you've got to stop All right All right, I'll tell you It's not it's not because you're Germans. It's It's because of something that I did You did yes It happened the second night of the battle the night that I saw you working in the chow line Carl Yes, I just hitched a ride into headquarters in Liège that afternoon I was picked up on the road by an American soldier driving a jeep and he was all alone He said his name was Gustafson, but it was something funny about him. Is is that the Gustafson? You were looking for what do you mean there was something funny about well for one thing He told me he'd never been in the moor before but when we got there after dark He drove through that town in the blackout without making one wrong turn and straight to headquarters I see I'd heard rumors up in Liège that afternoon about Germans and GI uniforms coming up through the lines to follow things up More I thought about it the more it began to look to me as if this man Guston might be a German But couldn't you tell from the way he spoke? Oh, no no his English was perfect in the way I figured it is they wouldn't have picked him for the job if it hadn't been and this Gustafson He was the man with the scars. Yeah, and that night when I saw the way you looked at him when he went through That Chao line. I figured you must have recognized him from somewhere As far as I was concerned that clinched it. Well, didn't you report him? No, I I never got a chance What happened right after Chao? I got orders to leave for Reims Gustafson said he was driving that way to Paris and he give me a lift It was about 10 o'clock when we left headquarters and started out of town And well we drove for almost an hour without seeing a passing anybody no road patrols nothing I made up my mind to turn him into the first officer MP. We came across but In the dark even going through that villages. I didn't see a soul All the time we're getting closer to Reims and I had a feeling he knew that I suspected him Well, if he didn't I was right. I knew he'd try to stop me before I could report him Well, he had his His carbine lying on the floor of the Jeep between the two front seats And I thought if I could get my hands on that and cover him Well, at least it'd be out in the open then Depending on what he did after that. I'd know whether I was right or not So you reached for his carving? Yeah My own was slung over my right shoulder. I'd taken a clip out and put it in the pocket of my field jacket during child But his was loaded I met a grab for it on the floor and I got one hand on the stock and he hit me behind the ear with a heel of his fist The Jeep was doing about 40 and I would have fallen out of the barrel of the gun hadn't hooked under the seat Then he hit me again across the mouth and the gun came loose Well, I I fell it go off in my hands and then I fell over backwards out of the Jeep and hit the road and rolled into a ditch And I climbed out of that Jeep. It was piled up against a tree about 20 yards away It all seemed to happen in an instant And Gustavson? Well when I When I got to him, he was dead. I And I found these around his neck Ed dog tags with an army serial number on him and the name walled at Gustavson in his hometown of minnesota Then Then he was in America Well, that's the way it hit me at first Josie But I realized he's might have been forged or maybe taken from a captive or a dead american soldier whose real name was Gustavson So it left me nowhere I see That's why I want to know Carl about that man with the scars. I got to know what I did Of course, but Ed you must forgive us We didn't understand I thought you were trying to hurt Carl somehow I can tell you mother then Carl came home from the prisoner of war camp. He told me He remembered the man with the scars They had been in school together long before the war Then then he he was a german Yes You're telling me the truth I swear it He was a german an officer in the ss I can't tell you how grateful I I thought I'd killed an innocent man I understand Ed Don't try Was he a friend a good friend of yours? No He was not a friend He was a phonetic I often wondered what happened to him It's almost a relief to find out Well, I'll never I'll never be able to I'll never be able to thank you You don't know what it's been like all these years We can understand it For you now Zabor is over. No Oh, yes. Oh, yes Good good Once now Won't you try some of my shenanigans? Mrs. Schramm was right for Eddie Montgomery the war was over And as he sat there drinking coffee and looking at Josie and Carl and his mother It came to Eddie that he was all through picking up the check for what it had cost him to live with himself And that was good too because it had cost him plenty But what Eddie forgot and maybe it's just as well Is that when he walked out of that little white frame house on Cushing street that night with his kid's sister Josie he left the check behind him And it still had to be paid Well mother Now at least we know Yes I had a feeling he was dead all along That night that last night when I saw him dressed as an american I somehow felt it was for the last time Poor Eric You've entered all alike Carl Not in the slightest It's hard to believe you were brothers This is Joan Leslie again I think all of us have heard the expression it's better to give than to receive It means being kind giving of ourselves and our services to others Performing those little acts of thoughtfulness and consideration that will make life more pleasant for those about us You know the unique thing about kindness is that it's something very contagious A kind word or act on our part will not only bring happiness and encouragement to others It will do more it will inspire others to be kind In a home in a family Kindness helps so much Being constantly thoughtful and considerate of the feelings and needs of one another Makes a home the happy and contented place it should be A place where all are working together in peace and harmony To be truly kind we must forget ourselves Have our thoughts on someone else Someone who is the source of kindness God And our thoughts are lifted to God by prayer family prayer So to bring kindness into your home with all the blessings that flow from it Pray together as a family Pray together today Remember the family that prays together Stays together More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of From hollywood family theater has brought you transcribe Gustafson starring frank love joy Joan leslie was your hostess others narcass were gene baits Irene tedrow julie bennett and tom holland The script was written and directed for family theater by john t kelly with music composed and conducted by harry zimmerman This series of family theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program By the mutual network, which is responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio Who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our family theater stage to them and to you our humble thanks This is tony lofrano expressing the wish of family theater That the blessing of god may be upon you and your home and inviting you to be with us next week when family theater will present The 45 caliber teapot starring jack benny Mary livingston will be your hostess join us won't you? Family theaters broadcast throughout the world and originates in the hollywood studios of the world's largest network This is the mutual broadcasting system


All right. Hello, everyone. My name is Hansi. I come from Austria, from Linz, and I'm going to talk about how to use Blender to make music. First, I want to give you some backstories. So, a work as a freelance programmer, which means I often get to work on very strange projects. So, this was in 2012. That explains the resolution also. And it was the startup company that wanted to make tables which you can print on. So, you upload your own images so you could work with SVGs. And they wanted to preview how the tables would look in a nice style. And at this time, there was no way, really, without Flash, which wasn't allowed to use, to do this in a browser. So, I did some research, and I looked at all the big 3D applications. And nothing was really feasible except Blender. So, this is how it came out in the end after you uploaded your images. And it worked really well. I mean, I had no idea of Blender before. I just started looking at the Blender cookie tutorials and learned how to script it. And I think I had the basic system running in half a day, which really impressed me. And then I started to get very addicted to Blender. So, even after the project, I would always watch the tutorials during eating and before going to bed. And I made a lot of silly things. So, this is a video of a cuttlefish. I didn't know what I was doing. Just something with the deform. Yeah, it moves nice. And I liked it. Then I did the nose flute 3D model. It's when people snore, you can put it in their nose and they make music instead of snoring. It's very useful. Maybe it will be 3D printed one day. I made this website. It's called Beyond Today. It concerns itself with the digital afterlife. So, you see the Blender model. Which button is the laser pointer? Yeah. So, this is the Blender model I made. It's a chip you put in your leg and you connect it to your artery. And it uses this as a generator for power to load a battery.  So, I mean for me really any excuse was good and I just really got into Blender. So, this was maybe some point in 2013 or something. And then I went to this place for the first time. This is Halain. It's a tiny town in Austria. And it's an old salt factory that's not in use anymore. So, once a year, I think since almost 15 years, they have this festival. It's kind of small. It's two to 300 people and it's a big mess. So, there's dancers, there's musicians, there's programmers. I don't understand the concept but it's good fun to go there. This is the big work space where everyone sits. It's called the wood. There's lots of wood. And then I met this guy, Chris, the mean looking man. And he at this time was working on oscilloscope music. He called it. Because he's an audio engineer. And before I explain too much about it, I'll show you what he showed me then. And I'll just show you an excerpt so it doesn't get too long. I'll just show you the first minute. You have to go on the web to search for it. It gets quite more musical later but I think I'm in a hurry already. So, let's not spend too much time. So, what's going on here? Who knows this device? Who has used this before? Oh, this is good. So, I skipped this really fast. I didn't expect this. So, yes, it's an oscilloscope. It has this big thing on the side and it switches it to X. You can switch it to XY mode so you move a dot. You can put, this is when you turn it on, you get the, oh, sorry. Once more. Okay, so you turn it on, you get the dot and you connect any signal, like a battery, your power outlet or music and it moves the dot left, right. You connect something down here. It moves it up, down. So, we go faster because everyone knows. So, I made some demos because I couldn't bring the oscilloscope here. So, I'm playing some audio. It's so low. You can't hear it. It's one hertz. Moves the dot up and down. We make it faster. Now you can start to hear something hopefully. Yeah, on just one side. When you have the same signal on both channels, you get a diagonal line because X and Y move in sync. So, you erase a little chunk and then that's where the fun begins. I mean, then you can get ellipses and circles depending on how much you erase from the signal. Am I going too fast? Okay. It's even more interesting when you do things like you double the frequency of one of the channels. You get this figure eight and those are called Lisa Shoe figures and that's what you saw in the video before and you can get very expressive and you can do a lot of things with this. So, anything that vaguely looks like this, kind of like a nice, I call it a long square, you can do. And the mathematical term is the parametric equation. And it's really good to do abstract things, but it makes it kind of hard to do concrete things. So, Chris showed me this and then we didn't meet for a year and a year later we met again at the same place and I had used more blender and then I kind of had this idea that you could reverse the process. So, here I'm showing how to reverse the process. So, you see I'm just moving my finger like this and then on the left and right and bottom you see how the wave should look that you end up with this shape. So, you're just thinking the other way around. You think about the image and you generate the sound. Of course, with a spiral it gets bigger and with a rectangle or triangle it would be very rectangular and you also hear this difference. So, of course, the natural thing to do because I was so into blender at this time was to see if I could hook this up to blender and it worked. I think it took me only three days maybe to produce this. This was the first successful test. It's just some walking man animation I found on Blendswap.com because I didn't know I forgot blender to do rigging still. So, then we worked on this a long time, Chris and I, actually two years and this is the first version of the application. You see it's even upside down. I didn't care. You see blender in the background and there's this application. They communicate over network and it sends over the data and in this tries to find a path. The colors somehow they know how which path was found through the mesh and worked on it a lot more. It got like features to get multiple groups and edit support for Bessia curves which are really nice to edit in blender. It's pretty good editor for this, I find. And then this was beginning of this year. I changed my mind and made it look very different. I find audio applications must be dark. Why they're not taken seriously. So, I made it very back. And now I'm going to give you a very brief. I'm trying to keep it to five minutes. Demo of how the application looks now and how it's used in conjunction with blender. It's okay if I remove the screen. So, I have a chair. Maybe I can take one chair. So, the application was released three weeks ago together with this music album, oscilloscope music. That's the title of the entire project. And the application is called Aussie Studio. So, you open it up. You're greeted with an understandable setting screen. And you pick the audio. So, this is how the application looks. And then you also need blender. And I have it preloaded already. So, there's a plugin down here. Press this. And then it sends over the data. And now you can work with this mesh data in a music way. Any change you make. Interesting thing about it to me is that you live in between the words like you change the geometry. It changes the sound. You change the sound. It changes the geometry. So, here if I activate this, this by the way is a total ripoff of blender's modifiers. I decided it's a good idea. I'm going to do the same thing. So, here I'm just removing most of the model I'm showing some parts. Here I can turn it into a grid. Then, of course, you always... Oh, I'm going to show you my favorite. Let's disable this. My favorite is the ball. It turns everything into a ball. And of course, you can animate all these parameters. There's this timeline view. Do you see in there? The frequency. That's also interesting. Changing how fast it runs doesn't change the image. Just one degree of freedom you have. You can modulate the signal. I have a million videos online of me messing around with it. So, I think it's good enough for a demo. I already say goodbye. I almost say goodbye. That's the website. It's also the entire album that Chris made. He's actually the one doing the music. It's linked. It's a YouTube playlist. You can just watch it. It's a website. I don't really have a website at the moment. So, it's just my YouTube where I upload all my mess unfiltered. I'm going to leave you with a video that's three and a half minutes. It's one of the tracks of the album that was made completely with the soft wind blender. Remind you, it's the audio you're seeing. It's not visual. It's the audio. All right. There's a few more things I want to say. Thanks to the Blender community, especially Olsen. I don't know how he is. He's an IRC and he always helped me with my programming. Is it you? No. I don't know who he is. Also, thanks to Open Frameworks. It's this C++ programming library I've been using for all of this. And Blender Cookie, I've had some good times on their YouTube. Is it CG Cookie now? I never understand. Anyways, thanks.