o'r cymdeithasol y byddai ar gyfer AIB yn gyfnodd. The next item of business is a statement by Fergus Ewing on the future of the Scottish Steel industry. The minister will take questions at the end of his statement and there should therefore be no interventions or interruptions. I just take this opportunity to say to all members who are in the chamber that we are very tight for time this afternoon and I may well have to drop some people from asking a question because we are simply not going to have the time. So if you wish your colleagues to get a question, can you keep your own question as brief as possible? I now call on Fergus Ewing, minister. You have ten minutes. Presiding Officer, I welcome this opportunity to address the chamber, albeit to talk about the extremely disappointing news from steel firm Tata that it intends to mothball its two production plants in Scotland. Two hundred and seventy workers could be directly affected if these plants go ahead, two hundred and twenty-five at the DL plate rolling works and a further forty-five at the Clyde bridge plant. Our thoughts are with them and their families as they go through this period of huge uncertainty. We also express our solidarity with the nine hundred employees at Tata's facility in Scanthorpe who are facing a similar fate. However, let me be clear from the outset, we will leave no stone unturned in our efforts to save the steel industry in Scotland. Our top priority is to secure an alternative operator to continue with commercial production. We are aware that this task is not an easy one and that there are significant challenges facing the continued production of steel in Scotland. But we are, as a Government, determined to use all our resources, devote all our individual time and attention as ministers is required, and do absolutely everything that we can to prevent the loss of steel making in Scotland. This chamber is well aware of the long and proud heritage of steel work in Scotland. The DL plant in Motherwell has been involved in the iron and steel industry since 1872, and the Clyde bridge steel works in Canberra Slang first opened in 1887. Between them, their products have been used across the world in construction, mining and energy exploration sectors. Their steel plates were formed into many of the most famous ships built on the river Clyde and around the world. Even the reputation for quality earned by DL and Clyde bridge could not help them to battle the serious problems that have been faced by the steel industry in recent years. The price of steel has fallen significantly as worldwide production has almost doubled since 2000. Cheap subsidised steel is widely available in western markets. High energy costs, particularly affecting energy-intensive industries, and a strong pound has hit export opportunities. Tata's operations in Scotland and the rest of the UK have suffered greatly against this difficult trading background, as have other steel companies in the UK. Just last week, administrators were appointed to parts of caparo steel with 1,700 jobs at risk. Last month, when SSI mothbald its red-car steel operations, the Westminster Government called for a UK steel summit. The Scottish Government was represented at the UK summit and yesterday, in discussions with Anna Subri, the Minister for Small Business Industry and Enterprise, we confirmed that we will co-operate with the UK Government and contribute fully to the work. I wrote to Anna Subri on 20 October and asked that the Prime Minister continue to urge the Chinese Premier to take voluntary action to reduce capacity in the Chinese steel sector and reduce the volume of exports. I urged the UK Government to help with energy costs for the steel sector by bringing forward the implementation of all the provisions of the energy-intensive industries compensation package from April 2016 to October 2015. I also asked for the UK Government to put as much pressure as possible on the EU to complete as quickly as possible an investigation into Chinese steel imports into Europe and whether it constitutes illegal dumping. When I spoke to Anna Subri yesterday, I stressed those concerns and assured her that we shall contribute fully to any negotiations. I welcome the UK Government's confirmation that it will co-operate fully in relation to state-aid clearance of any deal that may emerge. However, it is disappointing that the UK Government did not agree to allow Scottish ministers to participate in crucial EU discussions, which may affect Scotland's interests in the preservation of a key industry. However, I will not dwell on that today. Following Tata's announcement on 20 October that the Clyde bridge and DL were to be mothballed, we moved immediately to establish a task force with the aim of retaining functioning steel yards, employing as many of the staff as possible. The First Minister visited both sites last Thursday and met Tata steel management, trades unions and the workforce to highlight our full commitment to the issue and to emphasise the primary aim of the task force, namely to seek the continuation of steel making at Clyde bridge and DL. The First Minister specifically asked for Tata steel's commitment to maintaining the staff at both sites throughout the consultation period. It is hugely important to keep the work of the plants going as we seek alternative operators. Scottish Enterprise has already been working with Tata steel to assist the Scottish sites, including commissioning an energy review to identify savings and options for energy generation on-site, including tailored training packages and SMAS support with an efficiency review. That is the manufacturing advisory service. I am chairing the Scottish Steel Task Force, which includes representatives from both Lanarkshire Council, trades unions, the Scottish Government and its agencies, members of the chamber and the Westminster Government, and will co-ordinate the development of a joint multi-agency economic recovery plan to mitigate the economic impacts to the area resulting from Tata steel's announcement. The task force will first meet on Thursday this week and already have Tata steel's commitment to playing a full part in the task force process and to working closely with us throughout the consultation period. We are very grateful for that co-operation. The task force will also consider wider support for the workforce at this difficult time, including ensuring that the modern apprentices employed on site do not have their education affected. To that end, I am happy to confirm that, as an early step, the Scottish Government will guarantee that the modern apprentices employed here will be able to continue with the off-the-job training required to complete their apprenticeship should there be a gap in their employment. In Lanarkshire, we have a highly skilled workforce. It is essential that those skills are not lost but put to productive use. Our primary focus remains on seeking an alternative owner for those plants, which we recognise will not be easy. Whilst I do not think that it is helpful to speculate on which individual commercial organisations may be interested, I can assure you that we will work with all parties who could help with future investment in the plants. I am sure that the chamber will recognise that any discussions in relation to potential alternative operators must be conducted in commercially confidential terms. The Scottish Government and Scottish Enterprise, with support from Tata, are developing an information prospectus that will allow our Scottish Development international offices worldwide to generate interest in the opportunity that is presented by this situation in Scotland. I firmly believe that there can be a viable future for a steel industry in Scotland, and I can assure you that this Government will do everything in its power to seek a secure and sustainable future for the Tata sites in Scotland. The Government will, of course, keep the chamber informed of further developments as they arise. For now, I am happy to answer any questions. The minister will now take questions on the issues raised in his statement. I intend to allow around 20 minutes for questions after which we have to move on to next item of business. It would be helpful if members wished to ask a question where to press the request speak button now. I thank the minister for advance sight of his statement. There is no doubt that the mothballing of the plants at the L in Clydebridge is a very serious situation, particularly for the workers and their families, and our thoughts are with them at this time. We must ensure that everything is done, everything to ensure that those plants and jobs remain in place. Steel is an iconic part of the Lanarkshire economy and the Scottish economy, and it would be unacceptable and unimaginable if steel production were to cease at these plants, particularly as the Scottish Government rightly makes infrastructure one of the main platforms of its economic policy, and part of that is the production of steel. Scottish Labour supports the setting up of the task force, but we must ensure that it is not a talking shot. We need hard action. From that point of view, I can ask the minister two specific questions. What financial assistance will the Scottish Government provide to ensure that the physical assets of the plant remain in place while the search for an alternative buyer is found, and what financial assistance will be provided in retaining the skills of the workforce? What work has the Scottish Government done in identifying the steel requirements in current and future public contracts in order that the L in Clydebridge can bid and be successful in retaining the work for those projects so that we can build a sustainable steel operation at these plants going forward? I thank Mr Kelly for the constructive approach and welcome him and colleagues who are represented locally to take part in the work of the task force, which has its first meeting on Thursday of this week. To answer his questions, our primary objective is to seek an alternative operator from the site. That is the primary task. Of course, in the work that the task force will carry out, we shall consider extremely carefully whatever financial assistance that is practicable and legally capable of being extended in order to secure that objective. We will apply that approach throughout our work on energy costs and business rates and in all other areas. Secondly, I entirely agree that the workforce is a highly skilled workforce. We will do exactly what has been done in Wales to where the REACT provided assistance for workers there, and we will ensure that the PACE support is fully extended. Our primary objective is to continue steel production in Scotland and not make provision for what happens after it is closed. Of course, we shall also, in the task force, consider very carefully the needs of the workforce and that will be done. Finally, public contracts. Of course, we are working extremely closely with all public procurement bodies in relation to what future projects could benefit from a Scottish steel supplier. Transport Scotland is already reviewing what future projects fall into that category, and I am very happy to work very closely with Mr Kelly as regards the detail of that as the work of the task force progresses. It is a matter of greatest concern that steel making not just in Scotland but across the UK is under such serious threat. We welcome the co-operation that there has been between UK and Scottish Governments and the establishment of the Scottish task force that the minister referred to. Unite the union has identified five key issues that need to be addressed to help the industry. Help with high energy prices, action on unfair imports, reform of business rates, fair implementation of regulations and the supporting of local content in major construction projects. I appreciate that in relation to some of those, the minister's hands are tied, but business rates have been fully devolved since 1999, and he could act here if he wished. So can the minister tell me what is the annual rates bill paid by the plants at Clydebridge and DL? Secondly, what action will the Scottish Government now take on business rates, given that this has been identified as a key issue and is an area entirely under their control? I welcome the general constructive approach that we are hearing this afternoon from across the chamber, and I think that that is a very important and welcome message to send to everybody affected, that we are working hard to do everything that we can. Of course, I welcome the reference to the trade unions with whom we are in extremely regular contact, and I share the analysis of the particular challenges and the five topics that we are facing. I had a workman-like discussion with Anna Subray yesterday afternoon, where I think that we were broadly coming at it from a shared desire. I mentioned our particular appreciation that the UK Government has already pledged to assist in state aid clearance of any offer that may emerge, and that is a very valuable effort that would be necessary in that event. To answer a specific question from the top of my head, Presiding Officer, the business rates for the two plants combined are £823,000, according to my own arithmetic, carried out earlier this morning. The two plants had appeals against the rateable values at the last revaluation. Both appeals were successful. However, that matters as they stand at the moment. We have, of course, obtained advice in relation to the matter, and we are looking at all possible ways by which assistance can be provided. However, we are constrained, I think that it is only correct to say, by the state aid rules, where there is a maximum amount of assistance that can be provided to any steel company over a period of three years, and it is a relatively small amount of money. However, there are practical measures that may be applicable, depending on what future operator wishes and requirements may be, as regards space by subdivision. There are a number of other possibilities that we are looking at. Of course, I am happy to share the details with Mr Fraser and all other members of the chamber as that work progresses. Clare Adamson, followed by Willie Rennie. I thank the minister for his statement and welcome the Scottish Government's immediate swift approach in establishing the local task force. However, I can say that this is, in stark contrast with the UK Government's response to the steel industry, who have largely ignored the warnings over the past few years and have yet to act on some of the areas that have been detailed by community union, especially in the area of fuel and the energy costs for the company. Does he also share my disappointment that the Scottish ministers will not be included in the European talks? What guarantee can he give us that the case for the high-quality, highly-skilled workforce in both Dylann Clyde bridge will be heard in Europe? Of course, I fully understand that, especially among the workforce in their families, there will be considerable anger and frustration at the events that have happened. Forgive me, Presiding Officer, if I look forward not back and focus on what we might do rather than what might have been. I do, for example, think it important to place on record our appreciation for the full support of Tata in the work that we are doing. Without that full support, I suspect that things would be even more challenging than they are. I think that it is also fair to reflect, and Mr Penland will know that Tata did make substantial investment in DL in 2010 of £8 million, in a new plating operation of £8 million and the same amount in Clyde bridge the following year. It is important to put that on the record. It is simply a matter of fact to record the fact that we are working with Tata here to seek a solution in what is an extremely challenging situation. I did have a chat with Anna Subrie yesterday, as I explained. I did seek representation of the Scottish Government. I did so because we have an interest here in preserving our steel industry, and I felt that we had a constructive role to play as we always seek to do in relation to those negotiations and discussions. I have had some involvement in the past in some of those matters in other areas. That was rejected, but, as I said earlier, I am not going to dwell on that today. Rather, what I hope will emerge today is a unity across all parties in this chamber that we do our very best through the hard work of our agencies, through our leadership. We leave no stone unturned, as the Prime Minister has pledged, in securing the continued future of the steel industry in Scotland. Will he be any followed by John Penland? I thank the minister for an advanced site of his statement. I also welcome the constructive tone across the chamber, by and large across the chamber this afternoon. I understand that the two plants may be attractive to new buyers, because some of the markets have not been fully exploited by Tata in the past, particularly in flood prevention, port infrastructure and defence markets. Has the Government considered a capital investment in those plants, if it is permitted, to allow the company to enter the new markets or a new buyer into those new markets? Is there potential way to support in order to extend the 45-day consultation period so that we do not lose the workforce from those important two plants? I am grateful again for the approach that we are hearing this afternoon from all parties. I think that Mr Rennie, for the first time, has raised two very relevant and apposite issues. Of course, we are fully considering what opportunities there would be for the Scottish side of Tata, namely in Dylen Clybridge, and they offer particular expertise and facilities. Their plate mill can, although I am no expert, carry out work that no other plate mill can carry out. It can make the thickest steel plates, for example. Of dimensions that cannot be replicated in other plants, so I am told by experts. There may be opportunities for the Scottish operations to carry out niche specialist work and to do so at a more profitable level than perhaps has been possible in the past for various reasons. The answer to his first question is yes, of course. We are looking fully at these matters, as he would expect, and taking expert advice on all of those things. Secondly, on the consultation period, it is now 45 days that expires around the 7th or the 8th of December for their abouts from memory just before Christmas. Of course, we are in regular daily contact with Tata, and we will be discussing with it the procedure mechanism involved. However, it is important that we have sufficient time in order for the work that any potential alternative operator may need to carry out by way of due diligence and inquiry to be carried out. Therefore, that will be very much part of our discussions with Tata going forward. The First Minister has on record said that nothing is off the table and she would leave no stone unturned in her attempts to keep DL and Clydebridge steel works open with options that include, as with presswick public ownership. Given that this is a possibility and one that I think must be given serious consideration, what is the Scottish Government doing to assess and prepare for such an outcome? I thank Mr Pentland for his question and respect, his own experience in the industry over his lifetime. Of course, we are considering all potential options. It is accurate to say that our preferred option is to identify a buyer, a commercial operator, and I think that that patently would be the best possible option. All other options involving any element of public state support immediately risk difficulty with the state aid rules. However, I want to assure the chamber, as the First Minister has confirmed, that all options will be considered, but the main focus of the task force will be looking to secure another private sector operator for both sites. While we appreciate the Government's considerable efforts to do all the things mentioned in the statement and to find a buyer for the steel works in DL and Clydebridge, can I ask that the Government engage with Tata and the workforce to consider an employee buy-out to be exercised with a repayable loan from the Government? My experience tells me that in those circumstances and with capital investment, productivity increases, costs reduce, even higher quality results and new upmarket opportunities are defined. That can all be done very quickly. I can confirm that I have had a frequent dialogue with Tata, as have our senior officials on a daily basis. I had a discussion with John Bolton yesterday. John Bolton and Colin Timmons will be attending the task force for Tata on Thursday. All I would say to Mr Brody is really the same as I said to Mr Pentland. Sadly, this is an extremely difficult time for the workers, but it is relatively early days in the task that we have set ourselves. We need a bit of time in order to work with colleagues to explore all possible options. At this stage, it would be premature and, indeed, foolish for any option to be rolled out. Plainly, we are, as we always are, determined to ensure the input from the workforce. After all, who knows how to do things better than the people who are actually doing the job? The minister will be aware that Tata Steel has been increasing the capacity to build wind turbines at DL and Clybrish plants. Further to this, it has the potential to repurpose steel from decommissioned oil rigs. Currently, there are 11 million tonnes of scrap steel leaving Britain every year to be recycled in other parts of Europe. Any investment in those plants would help them compete in this market. Have those two areas of potential production been discussed with the task force? Will the Government support any investment needed to make this happen? The member is absolutely correct to say that the construction of wind turbines is an area in respect of which I understand that Clybrish has expressed an interest, taken a close interest, as is shipbuilding. In relation to that, I can confirm that we are looking to see what opportunities there are in respect of the building of the two ferries by Ferguson's Marine Engineering Limited. Of course, we are looking at all potential options, and the task force will consider all potential sources of business. However, we need to seek to identify, encourage and provide whatever appropriate support is sought by any potential alternative operator. That is something that we shall do informed by the sorts of issues that the member raises. Minister, high energy costs are cited as one of the problems facing UKI operators. What has the Scottish Government done to help to tackle the problem, and do they agree that the current UK Government regulation regarding energy pricing undermines not just the steel industry in Scotland, but all industry in Scotland? Well, there are two things in response to Christina McKelvie's question. Firstly, I think that it was on the 4 February when I visited DL that I instructed that there should be a detailed energy analysis carried out. That has been carried out by Mabbit and Associates. The purpose of that was to identify by what means the cost could be reduced. That report is completed. It is commercially confidential. At the moment, at least, I hope that it will be made public in the course of the work that the task force does. However, I think that it is reasonable to say that it identifies a number of opportunities to bring down the energy costs. That is why I instructed it back in February. Secondly, as the member raises, the UK has sought to bring in support for energy-intensive industries. That has been debated for quite a long time. I discussed it with Anas Subri yesterday. We had a very productive and workman-like conversation. I believe that she is doing absolutely all that she personally can in order to bring forward the support from April to an earlier time. She is undertaking to keep in regular contact with myself and my officials to secure that objective. That would make a solid contribution towards the capacity to be able to continue with a steel industry in Scotland and indeed the UK. I thank the minister for his statement and for the swift creation of the task force. It is absolutely right that the critical phase of the situation that the task force is looking particularly at Clyde Bridge and DL. Will the minister confirm that the wider steel manufacturing sector in Scotland needs to be considered by the task force? In particular, the Valarec plant that Clyde Stales works at Mossend, which has undertaken two rounds of redundancy in the past year, has been adversely affected by the downturn in the North Sea oil sector. It is a plant that produces high-quality product and is the only heat treatment plant in the whole of the United Kingdom. It also requires to be considered in the wider picture so that it does not become a critical consideration in the future. I agree that that is relevant. It probably will not be the primary focus of the task force to answer his question directly, but it is certainly related and relevant. A large number of businesses are involved in the sector in Scotland and south of the border, and they are all anxious about the future of the industry in Britain. I and the Deputy First Minister know that from discussions that we have had directly with some of those companies, so he is absolutely correct to raise this issue, and that will form a part of our deliberations. I welcome the minister's confirmation that apprentices will be able to continue their qualifications. Will he advise whether the Scottish Government will look to put support in place at the end of those qualifications to support those apprentices into employment should they not be able to find employment directly in the steel industry? I am happy to provide that confirmation. That ends the ministerial statement. We now move on to the next item of business, which is a statement by Eileen McLeod on the Scottish Greenhouse Gas emissions annual target report 2013.


Do this To make the narcissist regret leaving you Yes, that is what we're gonna be talking about in this video and I'd like to start off by saying I know What it's like for many of you When you get discarded by a narcissist Of course, I do know what that is like. I've been through it many times myself and Of course, that hasn't been for a while and hasn't been for a very long time since I was last Really affected. I Mean that doesn't mean that I haven't been Discarded or rejected by people recently But in many ways I've just been too busy to notice why notice but I just didn't really care because I I Wasn't really getting anything out of it before they discarded or rejected me anyway So for me it hasn't affected me for a very long time But yes, I do have these experiences in the past Where I was deeply attached to certain people And of course Like many of you I thought we were in a committed relationship I thought we were both thinking about building a future together. I Even thought that in time you would get married and have children Yeah, I thought about all the things in the past So I know what it's like. I've experienced it myself. I've experienced it firsthand and I know it can be painful Because you feel like you've developed this bond to this person and then knowingly to you They didn't fully attached to you There was no real vulnerability from them So they never actually established an emotional connection to you They may have established Connections on other levels but not in the way that you wanted emotionally Because they lack empathy So they don't share your feelings. They don't understand you But they do it Cognitively remember narcissists are predators. They know how to Read people and get into their minds to know What you want What you desire what would make you feel better? What would make you happy? Of course, they know how to do that because at the end of the day We are all human we all have certain needs and desires and a lot of us Share the same ones. I Mean, of course, that's how I'm able to create a community like that with 165,000 subscribers over 40 million views it's because We all pretty much wanted the same things So knowing that no, you are not alone It's not just you There are a lot of other people who are going through this Who wanted the same things that you wanted? But of course as we know this narcissistic individual Was not about that Which is how it was so easy for them to leave you Because what they were about are things that they don't really need you for They see you as an object that exists to serve them But guess what? They can get it somewhere else Because these things are superficial Things like money power and control Sex Maybe a place to stay These kinds of things they don't Exclusively need you for that They can just go and get it somewhere else So there's no reason for them to remain loyal to you without that emotional Component because as we know that is what creates the full attachment Yes, you can depend on someone and attach to them For things like attention validation approval these types of things. Yes But then it's not a complete attachment because remember you can get those things somewhere else and it's going to feel Pretty much exactly the same but with the emotional component well as we know that is Unique You can't just replicate that with someone else. It's going to produce different emotions And that's why we hold on to these people so bad Because They make us feel a certain way and we believe that it's real we believe in the illusion But it isn't actually real It is just an illusion This idea this reality that they're feeding to us It has no basis in reality, but we're pulled into this fantasy world Where everything is wonderful and magical and these things do exist Which of course as they know is exactly what we want to see but yeah, they can just leave you They can leave you high and dry Like you never meant anything to them They could just move on As though they were never emotionally attached to you because guess what they weren't Many of you just thought that they were because they led to believe that but the reality is But that is not true after all But they led you to believe that it was and of course when you find out That you were led astray the entire time, of course that is heartbreaking It destroys you and you feel completely alone and isolated And your anxiety is through the roof at times you may have panic attacks You may experience an increased heart rate loss of sleep Insomnia maybe even a loss of appetite weight loss weight gain These are the types of symptoms that you may experience When the narcissist leaves you and they try to make it seem like it's something wrong with you As though you should not be attached. It's your emotions of bad or wrong When emotions are actually Very healthy, of course at times we do need to use our brains and recognize When something is wrong, but you hold on to them you remain attached even when they've just Completely left you and moved on to someone else You may still be hoping that they will come back What the very least you want them to regret their decision you want them to think that What they did was wrong. They should never have left you and Yeah, in some ways there is a way to get them to do that, but it's not going to be in the way that you would like They're not just going to magically Gain empathy And have this magical epiphany where they finally understand you After all of these years, they're finally just going to get it. They're going to figure it out No No, it's not going to work out that way in the way that you would like Even though I know that you may like that It's not going to happen like that for you Or for anyone you're never going to get that Emotional connection of that you crave and desire and I know how bad you want it Because yes, there was a time where I wanted it to and I can tell you that I never got it from those narcissists Some cases I held on for a long time. I've had relationships that lasted up to four years at a time and I waited I held on and I never got it and I know many of you you never got it too and just because there's a break There's a separation in the relationship.  They're just never going to do that It's just not going to happen, but as I said there is a way that That You can get that not from them, but from yourself and in fact that will actually be more powerful than anything they can give to you That validation that emotional validation. You can give it to yourself. You don't need to depend on anyone for that and Not only that but yes, you can make them regret leaving you in a way It's never going to be in the way that you would like. There's never going to be any Emotions any love any healthy attachment Connection intimacy There's never going to be any of that So you just got to put a stop to that right now and just forget about it because As you know, I've been doing this for a long time and I can tell you right now you are not going to get that Not in a million years So just give that up and forget about it You have to accept it Because the longer that you hold on to it the more that it's going to hurt you It's not going to hurt them at the end of the day. It's that that's going to be your pain not theirs Because remember they're not emotionally attached and they never will be You are so yes, it's going to affect you before it affects anyone else and They are fully aware of that too and they will use it against you. They use your empathy against you They use your desire for love and connection against you and it's so easy for them to do that Why because they can't experience it you can So who's it going to affect you of course So yes, you will never get that from a narcissist, but what you can do and what you should do To make them.   That's What it is a lot of times as well because they Make us desire and crave it They do and they they're very good at that.  Maybe you just want them back over your house again, so you can cook dinner for them you want to do all of these cute romantic things and I can tell you It makes I'm sick Just the thought of it just turns them off completely And they're not looking at you like this loving caring person That you're in reality you'll portray yourself as But what they're looking at you as is Just this desperate needy person Yeah, that's how they're seeing you And I'm not saying that's what you are. I mean, of course You know if you're meant to be establishing a relationship with someone and they've led you to believe it's moving somewhere You're not doing anything wrong Not really. I mean The problem really lies with them. They fail to reciprocate. They fail to appreciate and value you They just see love as a weakness They really do So it no there's nothing wrong with that You know when you become emotionally healthy and someone shows genuine love Appreciation connection. I can tell you that is the best feeling in the world for an emotionally healthy person someone who isn't a narcissist and hasn't been raised in a toxic dysfunctional family dynamic which they never healed from so yes when the narcissist leaves you and You tried to get them back. You're writing these love letters.  Just trying to get them to respond and Even if you're trying to get their attention sexually You think that's going to work It's not it's just turning them off even more It just makes them want to run away from you and into the arms of someone else because You're treating them like a normal person That's not going to work. You have to remember that they are dysfunctional So what you have to do is you have to take a leaf out of their book That's what you've got to do.  You're gonna respond to it in a way Well, your friend is gonna be very confused if they don't know you ate pizza every day for the past week And it's the same thing with these narcissists Even more so for them even more so When you're constantly reaching out you're constantly there it is just turning them off And you're never going to make them regret their decision by doing that Because you're always there anyway They already know they've got you you're right there. You're not going anywhere. You're never gonna leave them alone. I Just tell some All right, I can do whatever I want then I can just Go over here.  Don't respond to the messages and If you can maybe don't even post on social media too much especially do not post about anything to do with narcissism or Anything that suggests that you're hurt or worried about the absence Don't do anything that suggests that and instead what you've got to do is focus on yourself and your own life And don't just pretend to do that Act like you're doing it. You're gonna actually do that for real and really mean it And the reason why you have to do that is not just because I'm telling you But because you know it will lead you to a better place a better place And not just in the external world, but also within yourself because At some point You've got to catch on and think hold on a minute If I'm constantly engaged with this person I'm sending them all of these messages every day I'm constantly make it all of these phone calls And I'm never getting a positive response At some point you've got to think what is going to lead me to happiness What is going to lead me to? pleasure and Satisfaction at some point you've got to think about that And when you do you will come to the conclusion that yes cutting them off going no contact and Finding that peace love and validation within yourself It's the right decision And believe it or not, but that was actually the right decision All along even before you ever met them That was the right decision all along even before you did that It was And when you come to this conclusion I Can tell you that there is nothing more empowering than that it frees you It completely frees you from the chains from the grips of this toxic person It really does because the whole point of the the trauma bond the it to mean intermittent reinforcement All of these crazy abusive manipulative tactics that they're doing The whole point of all of that is to get you to depend on them for validation security and comfort These types of things Which ironically are the very things that you're never actually going to get from them Which is that which is why at some point You do need to come to this conclusion But of course when you're down when you're feeling bad about yourself because of course they do target yourself esteem and During the lower vibrations you can't even see it and a problem cannot be resolved at the same level of Vibration which created it It can't Which is why it is Very fortunate when you do get on here you get on YouTube and you find a coach like myself Who of course has been for this already? I'm already elevated at a higher level and it's like I'm looking down I'm not actually In it right now myself But I can see it as an observer As an outsider So of course I can completely identify Not only the problems, but also the solutions But when you're trapped in it and you're attached to the abuser You can't see a way out And I understand that So yeah That's really what you have to do if you want them to finally regret leaving you You do need to focus on yourself You do need to validate yourself Practice self-love and self-care These things are very important Because up until this point and you may not have noticed it But you have been valuing the narcissist More than you value yourself more than you respect yourself and Yes, that could be because of low self-esteem insecurities And these may be from the past or it could be something that they provoked in you Because yes, narcissists are extremely insecure far more than the average person So much more that when you get around them. Yes, they can create these illusions and stuff, but they do pull you down They pull you down beneath your normal state of operating so Yes, that's what you've been doing up until this point you have been valuing them More than you value yourself And often the reason why is because you are interacting far too much with them More than you're interacting with yourself So you're interacting with this extremely low vibration, which is constantly pulling you down and it's affecting you and That's why it's so great When they leave it's actually a blessing in disguise because then you have some alone time and Then you can explore your own mind Get to know yourself develop This relationship, which will be and should be the most important relationship That you will ever have in your life and that is the relationship with yourself When you develop that that's when you find your true power and you strengthen yourself from the inside out And if you do it right at some point you will become emotionally invincible To some extent You will become untouchable They won't be able to affect you after that because Your values your beliefs your reality are too strong They can't penetrate it They can't get through it and a lot of times believe it or not, but that is actually One of the main reasons why they leave It's because you're finding your power your strength You're catching on you may have held on to the illusion for maybe many years And at some point you just started to think Hold on a minute Where's all of these things that they promise me? Maybe they said you were going to get married you're going to have children and then you look around and you think Where are these things? that's because despite the endless Brainwashing and a minute of tactics you are still a real person. You're still grounded in reality So you do still notice these physical things around you like clearly you're not Manifesting or coming into fruition and that is what ultimately helps you to break the trauma bond When you notice that these things they promised these things that were supposed to happen never actually manifest That's How you end up finding your power within yourself Because since there's nothing outside of you to distract you You can turn inwards and then you start to question things you start to confront them you want answers and Of course narcissists are not stupid. They do know that it is a false reality an illusion They do know that they are giving you a false character and Sometimes you do see the true character and then you don't like that as well And they are fully aware of that too so you're looking at them and You're thinking okay, where is all of this stuff that was meant to happen in the future and Then they're just standing there Turning their pockets inside out Thinking I haven't got it. I Haven't got any of the things that I promised you and I haven't even started to work on it so all they can do at that point because they already know if they're not about anything for real and they're not even planning to Establish anything and they haven't got the means to do it Of course, they already know by that point. You're not gonna accept them. You're not gonna want anything to do with them Because they already know that yes, you are about it for real and you do actually want something They already know that So they know at that point that all they can do is leave There's nothing else that they can do There's no other option Of course if someone is just fake manipulative and deceptive Are they not really about anything? They're only about themselves Why would they stick around? Just so the illusion can fall apart and then you can stand back and laugh at them. No narcissist is going to do that They're not going to put themselves in a position where you can humiliate or reject them Instead They're just gonna forget you and walk out Before you get the chance to do that because they're already fearing They're already anticipating it They know what it what's about to come They know that if it comes to that point You're gonna kick their asses out the door They know you're not gonna tolerate them. They already know that that's the whole point all of the manipulation all of the deception the future faking The lying in the love bombing the false character the illusion That's the whole point of all of these things It's about you don't ever get to the point Where you're kicking their asses out the door? Where you're realizing Hold on a minute This person ain't about shit That's the whole point of all of that is to cover it all up Because as we know yes, narcissists they lack empathy they can't establish an emotional connection They can't experience True intimacy in a way like we get to experience it As we know they can't experience any of that so At some point the show is over and they have to close the curtains and Yes in many situations they may not want to do that, but they don't really have any other choice. I Mean the choice is Okay, yes, I Can either leave or I can Show empathy to this person trying to understand them establish something for real But they can't they don't have the ability to do that anymore Yes, when they were children, maybe they may have seen seem so loving kind and caring But that slowly died away with age and they became very cold hearted Distant they shut themselves off They became very resistant and defensive And of course the reason why is because they can't Participate and get the same fulfilment like we can Because of course as many of us have experienced already It is an incredible Feeling when you connect with someone on that level It is quite possibly one of the greatest feelings in the world aside from of course Validating and loving yourself. That is the most empowering Feeling and as I said the best relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself But aside from that yes true intimacy is Healthy and very important It's what makes us human to desire that so there is nothing wrong with that, but yes Sadly, I mean I can empathize with these narcissists With these toxic people these abusers I can empathize with them as well and of course, you know, it is a Devastating thing for these people who cannot connect and understand other people's situations. I Honestly cannot imagine What that must be like I can't imagine it at all. I mean of course there may be times where I'm busy or I make other things more important whether it's You know things that should be more important to me, which we should all do of course But to be like that all of the time To not feel anything when someone is hurt someone's going through distress That is the worst feeling in the world for me More than anything just to think that I couldn't have that But no end that I do possess these traits and emotions And how it's helped me to provide this information to millions of people around the world. I am very grateful for that. I am very grateful for it and Yes, you all should be too. It's a very powerful thing This is what helps us to cooperate and build things with each other or at least that's what it's supposed to do But yes, sadly these narcissists cannot experience that and that is why when you go to them and You try to Establish the things loyalty commitment with them They just see it as an act of desperation and it turns them off completely It does it really does And I know a lot of you you are hurt and you want nothing more than just have them back again Yes, I know that but the truth is the more you try and reach out and you try and get them back It's just gonna make it worse for you it is It's gonna make it a lot more. It's gonna make it a lot more difficult for you.  Don't read out to them. Don't keep calling them Don't keep messaging them. Don't keep doing all of those things and Instead What you do need to do is just cut them off Because as I've said they are never going to understand you They're never going to understand or share your feelings Your situation They're never going to be able to walk in your shoes and see things through your perspective That it's not because they value different things all they really care about is supply fuel Which is just your attention your validation Which is not always a bad thing for people to want attention and validation, but what do you want it for? What do you want it for?  They see love as a weakness It just shows you the dysfunctional toxic family environment that they were raised in That's what it shows you For them to think like that To see these things as being Bad When they're not they're good but yes Unfortunately, this is exactly how they think and By thinking in this positive and healthy way you will find yourself alone You will be walking a very lonely road In this world because yes a lot of people are not about these things They're not thinking the way that you do The luck and more for short-term Fixes things that will just spark their energy give them attention in the moment And believe it or not, but they see nothing wrong with that But then when you're reaching out to them and you're desiring their validation because you want to build something long-term Now they have a problem with that, but yes You want to make them regret leaving you and to do that you do just Need to go no contact You need to focus on yourself and your own life and You just need to forget about them Because All they're gonna do is just feed off your energy It's just supply, you know, that's all that it is That you're giving them when you're messaging them you're calling them You're telling them how much they mean to you and they know that you're in it for real. You're about it That's just supply That's all that that is. It's not Going to anything meaningful It's just going straight into the void and it will never be seen again It will never be seen again. It's not going to Amount anything It's not It's just going to completely disappear it is so You do need to be aware of that you do need to recognize that yes all of this investment Is not going to amount to anything long-term and when you realize that You will stop Calling them texting them trying to get them to come back And instead you will begin to focus more on yourself You will realize But investing your time energy and effort into yourself is far more rewarding and it is it really is And I do believe that I am proof Evidence of that statement as I stand here today Making these videos Pretty much every day now for almost five years With a hundred and sixty five thousand subscribers 40 million views It just goes to show that hard work really does pay off and you do Need to invest your time energy and effort into yourself You do need to do that Because you should know by now that investing all of this to the wrong people It's not going to amount to anything It's not going to amount to anything it may appear to amount to something in the short term But it's not going to reduce the long-term effect that you are Desiring it's just not It's never going to produce that it will always return to the way that it was The way that they were destined to be And no matter how they try to pull you down and try to get you to value the things that they do That's never going to work either. You're still going to desire What you want and what you always wanted all along you're still going to desire that So at some point you just need to realize that You share completely different Values in life You want completely different things despite what they're telling you Despite what they're displaying to you Because yes a person can tell you that they want certain things It doesn't mean that they do Time reveals all You'll see what it is that they really want But I can assure you that it's not going to be you Or any other person for that matter it's only going to be As I said some official things Because they lack empathy they can't experience That connection that you want them to experience That we all want them to experience because then they wouldn't even be narcissists anymore But as I said they are never going to experience that They are never going to experience it So yes You want them to regret leaving you I can understand that and You do just need to focus on yourself Your own life Focus on the things that you are passionate about The things that mean something to you Find new hobbies and interests Things to distract you from the narcissist Because that energy that frequency it's only going to pull you down It's only going to pull you down or suck you in And it's not going to amount to anything It's just going to pull you into the void so Yes you do need to take your energy and attention and put it back on yourself And by doing that They will begin to notice that your energy has shifted And they may even try to hover you and come back to you Because yes that's why they come around you in the first place Is for your energy That is what they are trying to get from you That is what they want And at the end of the day it really is up to you Whether or not you want to give them another chance But of course you already know my advice My advice is Shut that door And keep it locked Don't let anyone in Because if you thought the first time was bad Trust me The second time is only going to get a lot worse And the third time, the fourth time It never gets better It only gets worse after the first time And of course as you know I have a lot of experience So yes I know myself that it does get worse, a lot worse And on average A relationship with a narcissist may end about seven times Before it's finally over And I don't want you to have to go through that experience again and again Instead I would advise for you to just cut it off Yes, what you can do If you really want to, if you want them to regret leaving you You can take my advice which is what you should do anyway Regardless of what you're trying to do Even if you are just trying to move on Just focus on yourself, focus on your own life The things that you are passionate about Find new hobbies and interests Things that distract you Things that mean something to you Things that you value in life That's what you've got to do And yes when you do that They will sense that your energy has shifted And they may even try to hoove at you As I said when they do that It's up to you if you want to let them back in or not I advise that you don't And instead you just take that That's your validation, that's your closure That's what you were waiting for all along So don't just stand there and expect to see something more Instead just take it, take what they've given you The closure of the validation and walk away with it And just forget it That's all you've got to do That's all you've got to do And yes when you do that it will feel amazing It will feel amazing Because that sense of independence And being self-validating It is an incredible feeling As soon as you achieve that You will feel so much energy inside of you It's like you filled up your own cup And now you've got so much to pour Into someone else And that is an amazing feeling as well When you've got all of this And you just want to pour it into someone else And especially when they're able to receive it It is an incredible exchange of energy That's what it is And it's something that we should all strive for To experience in our lives And that's really where I want to get everyone to This point where you can experience that in your life You can be independent and self-validating Because I know that for me and my own experience It's just an incredible feeling Especially when I get on here almost every day And I share this value and this information with people And I know as I'm speaking these words That people are receiving it Some people may be taking notes And you're using this information for a good purpose That's the best feeling for me It really is And I want you all to get to that point But of course it is a process It's not something that happens overnight This can take a long time And even then it's like going to the gym So as soon as you stop doing it You gradually revert back to your previous state So yes it is important to be aware of that If you want it to be effective and productive You need to keep at it every day And then yes you will fill up your own cup And then you'll have a lot to pour into someone else So yeah that's really it Just looking through the live chat DruidVW says don't play around with these demons You know I'm not completely sure if it is In my opinion connected to that I mean yes I do believe it has some There's something happening on a spiritual level But I wouldn't actually go and call them out Especially not in person as demons or monsters Because that will actually just give them supply Yes they will enjoy that if you say that Because that just tells them they're very powerful And of course you know they're very insecure So naturally they do desire to have power But as for us I know a lot of us Yes we seek to empower ourselves And that can be good at the beginning But at some point you want to get to the point where Powerlessness is a sense of empowerment Believe it or not it does actually come down to that At some point when you let go of your ego And you become humble And you recognise that there's so much more Than just our physical body and this material world When you realise that That can be more empowering than anything else And that is when you let go of this need for power That is when you do that So yes I wouldn't actually go out and call them Demons or monsters You might even see the little narcissistic smirk If you do that So I don't really recommend it That might just fuel them even more To destroy you I mean as we know if you do have a question Or confront them or call them a narcissist The first thing they're going to do Is get very mad Maybe even lash out at you Or if you're lucky they'll just be passive aggressive And then they'll keep a very close eye on you They'll stalk you, they'll watch you They may even start a smear campaign against you So yes that's another reason why I don't recommend Directly confront them or call them out Because that can be very dangerous for you Yep as everyone's saying in the live chat I said just walk away Because anything that reflects back to them That they're not who they say they are They're not just going to suddenly reflect And feel the shame and think Am I not who I say I am Maybe they're right They're not going to do that No narcissist is going to do that instead They're going to get mad So at the very least passive aggressive And they are going to find a way to lash out at you For threatening their false sense of identity That's what they're going to do So yeah another one Got this Japanese car now As many of you know I do like Japanese things I was in Japan a few months ago Just before Christmas Only for a couple of weeks But it was one of the greatest experiences of my life Alright that is it for this video But I do hope that you enjoyed And if you did as always You can give it a thumbs up down below It helps to support our community And let me know your thoughts down in the comment section Share the video, subscribe And for one-on-one coaching You can book it on my website Which is www.narksurvivor.co.uk And you can check out my Instagram as well It is www.narksurvivor.co.uk I've got new pictures and videos on there every day Of my travels So check that out It's www.narksurvivor.co.uk Other than that I will talk to you in another video very soon You all have a great day