Chapter 1 There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning. But since dinner—Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early. The cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so somber, and a rain so penetrating, that further outdoor exercise was now out of the question. I was glad of it. I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons. Threadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed. The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana, were now clustered round their mamma in the drawing-room. She lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her, for the time neither quarreling nor crying, looked perfectly happy. Me, she had dispensed from joining the group, saying, She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance, but that atill she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her own observation that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire her a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner—something lighter, franker, more natural as it were—she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy little children. What does Bessie say I have done? I asked. Jane, I don't like cavalers or questioners—besides there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner. Be seated somewhere, and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent. A breakfast-room enjoined the drawing-room. I slipped in there. It contained a bookcase. I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into the window-seat. Gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a turk, and having drawn the red marine curtain any clothes, I was shriined in double retirement. Fields of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand. To the left were clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. Afar! it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud, near a scene of wet lawn and storm-beach rub, with ceaseless rains sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast. I returned to my book, Buick's History of British Birds, the letter-press thereof I cared little for, generally speaking, and yet there were certain introductory pages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank. They were those which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl, of the solitary rocks and promontories, by them only inhabited. Of the coast of Norway, studded with aisles from its southern extremity, the lindness, or nays, to the North Cape. Where the northern ocean in vast worlds boils round the naked, melancholy aisles of farthest thule, and the Atlantic surge pours in among the stormy hebrides. Before could I pass unnoticed the suggestion of the bleak shores of Lapland, Siberia, Spitzbergen, Nova Zembler, Iceland, Greenland, with the vast sweep of the Arctic Zone, and those for lawn regions of dreary space, that reservoir of frost and snow, where firm fields of ice, the accumulation of centuries of winters, glazed in alpine heights above heights, surround the pole, and concentrate the multiplied rigours of extreme cold. Of these death-white realms I formed an idea of my own, shadowy, like all the half-comprehended notions that float dim through children's brains, but strangely impressive. The words in these introductory pages connected themselves with the succeeding vignettes, and gave significance to the rock standing at below in a sea of billow and spray, to the broken boat stranded on a desolate coast, to the cold and ghastly moon glancing through bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking. I cannot tell what sentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard, with its inscribed headstone, its gate, its two trees, its low horizon, girdled by a broken wall, and its newly risen crescent, attesting the hour of eventide. The two ships be calmed on a torpid sea, I believed to be marine phantoms. The fiend pinning down the thief's peck behind him I passed over quickly, it was an object of terror. So was the black, horned thing, seated aloof on a rock, surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows. Each picture told a story, mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting. As interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings, when she chanced to be in a good humour, and when having brought her ironing-table to the nursery hearth, she loud us to sit about it, and while she got up Mrs. Reed's lace frills, and crimped to night-cap borders, fed our eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads. Or, as at a later period I discovered, from the pages of Pamela and Henry Earl of Moorland. With Buick on my knee I was then happy, happy at least in my way. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. The breakfast-room door opened. "'Bow, madame Mope!' cried the voice of John Reed, then he paused, he found the room apparently empty. "'Where the dickens is she?' he continued. "'Lizzie, Georgie!' calling to his sisters. "'Jone is not here. Tell Mamar she has run out into the rain. Bad animal!' "'It is well, I drew the curtain,' thought I, and I wished fervently he might not discover my hiding-place. Nor would John Reed have found it out himself. He was not quick, either of vision or conception, but Eliza just put her head in at the door and said at once, "'She is in the window-seat to be sure, Jack!' And I came out immediately, for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack. "'What do you want?' I asked, with awkward diffidence. "'Say, what do you want, Master Reed?' was the answer. "'I want you to come here.' And seating himself in an armchair, he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him. John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old, four years older than I, for I was but ten, large and stout for his age, with a dingy and unwholesome skin, thick lineaments and a spacious visage, heavy limbs and large extremities. He gorged himself habitually at table, which made him billious, and gave him a dim and blared eye and flabby cheeks. He ought now to have been at school, but his mamar had taken him home for a month or two, on account of his delicate health. Mr. Miles, the master, affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes and sweet meats sent him from home. But the mother's heart turned from an opinion so harsh, and inclined rather to the more refined idea that John's soloneness was owing to over-application, and perhaps to pining after home. John had not much affection for his mother and sisters, and an antipathy to me. He bullied and punished me, not two or three times in the week, nor once or twice in the day, but continually. Every nerve I had feared him, and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when he came near. There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror he inspired, because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces or his inflictions. The servants did not like to offend their young master by taking my part against him, and Mrs. Reed was blind and deaf on the subject. She never saw him strike or heard him abuse me, though he did both now and then in her very presence—more frequently, however, behind her back. Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair. He spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots. I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face. For all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium, retired back a step or two from his chair. "'That is for your impudence in answering the mar a while since,' said he, and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!" Accustomed to John Reed's abuse, I never had an idea of replying to it. My care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult. "'What were you doing behind the curtain?' he asked. I was reading. "'Show the book!' I returned to the window and fetched it thence. "'You have no business to take our books.  You have no money. Your father left you none.  No, I'll teach you to rummage my book-shelves. For they are mine. All the house belongs to me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door out of the way of the mirror and windows." I did so. Not at first aware what was his intention. But when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm. Not soon enough, however, the volume was flung. It hit me, and I fell, striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the pain was sharp, my terror had passed its climax, other feelings succeeded.  I had read Goldsmith's history of Rome, and had formed my opinion of Nero, Caligula, etc. Also I had drawn parallels and silence, which I never thought thus to have declared aloud. What? What? He cried. Did she say that to me? Did you hear her, Eliza and Georgiana? How could I tell Mama? But first! He ran headlong at me. I felt him grasp my hair and my shoulder. He had closed with a desperate thing. I really saw in him a tyrant, a murderer. I felt a drop or two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and resensible of somewhat pungent suffering. These sensations, for the time, predominated over fear, and I received him in frantic sort. I don't very well know what I did with my hands, but he called me RAT, RAT! and bellowed out aloud. Aid was near him. Eliza and Georgiana had run for Mrs. Reed, who was gone upstairs. She now came upon the scene, followed by Bessie and her maid Abbott. We were parted, I heard the words. Dear, dear, what a fury to fly at Master John! Did ever anybody see such a picture of passion? Then Mrs. Reed subjoined. Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there. Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was born upstairs. I resisted all the way. A new thing for me, and a circumstance which greatly strengthened the bad opinion Bessie and Miss Abbott, were disposed to entertain of me. The fact is, I was a trifle beside myself, or rather out of myself, as the French would say. I was conscious that a moment's mutiny had already rendered me liable to strange penalties, and like any other rebel slave, I felt resolved in my desperation to go all lengths. I felt her arms, Miss Abbott, she's like a mad cat. For shame, for shame!" cried the ladies-maid. What shocking conduct, Miss Eyre, to strike a young gentleman, your benefactress's son, your young master! Master, how is he my master? Am I a servant?  There! Sit down, and think over your wickedness. They had got me by this time into the apartment indicated by Mrs. Reed, and had thrust me upon a stool. My impulse was to rise from it like a spring. Their two pair of hands arrested me instantly. If you don't sit still, you must be tied down," said Bessie. Miss Abbott, lend me your garters, she would break mine directly. Miss Abbott turned to divest a stout leg of the necessary ligature. This preparation for bonds, and the additional ignominy it inferred, took a little of the excitement out of me. Don't take them off! I cried. I will not stir. In guarantee whereof I attached myself to my seat by my hands. Mind you don't! said Bessie, and when she had ascertained that I was really subsiding, she loosened her hold of me. Then she in Miss Abbott stood with folded arms, looking darkly and doubtfully on my face, as incredulous of my sanity. "'She never did so before,' at last," said Bessie, turning to Abigail. "'But it was always in her,' was the reply. "'I've told Mrs. often my opinion about the child, and Mrs. agreed with me. She's an underhand little thing. I never saw a girl of her aid with so much cover.'" Bessie answered not. But ere long addressing me, she said, "'You ought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations to Mrs. Reed. She keeps you. If she were to turn you off, you would have to go to the poor house.' I had nothing to say to these words. They were not new to me. My very first recollections of existence included hints of the same kind. This reproach of my dependence had become a vague sing-song in my ear, very painful and crushing, but only half intelligible. Miss Abbott joined in. "'And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the Mrs. Reed and Master Reed, because Mrs. kindly allows you to be brought up with them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none. It is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable to them.' "'What we tell you is for your good,' added Bessie, in no harsh voice. "'You should try to be useful and pleasant. Then perhaps you would have a home here. But if you become passionate and rude, Mrs. will send you away, I am sure.' "'Besides,' said Miss Abbott, "'God will punish her. He might strike her dead in the midst of her tantrums, and then where would she go? Come, Bessie, we will leave her. I wouldn't have her heart for anything. Say your prayers, Miss Eyre, when you are by yourself, for if you don't repent something bad might be permitted to come down the chimney and fetch you away.' They went, shutting the door, and locking it behind them. The red room was a square chamber, very seldom slept in, I might say never, indeed, unless when a chance influx of visitors at Gateshead Hall rendered it necessary to turn to account all the accommodation it contained, yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in the mansion. A bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany, hung with curtains of deep red damask, stood out like a tabernacle in the centre. The two large windows, with their blinds always drawn down, were half shrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery. The carpet was red, the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth, the walls were a soft fawn-colour with a blush of pink in it, the wardrobe, the toilet table, the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany. Out of these deep surrounding shades rose high, and glared white, the piled-up mattresses and pillows of the bed, spread with a snowy Marseille counterpane. Scarcely less prominent was an ample cushioned easy chair, near the head of the bed, also white, with a footstool before it, and looking as I thought, like a pale throne. This room was chill, because its seldom had a fire. It was silent, because remote from the nursery and kitchen. Solemn, because it was known to be so seldom entered. The house-made alone came here on Saturdays, to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week's quiet dust. And Mrs. Reed herself, at far intervals, visited it to review the contents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe, where were stored divers-parchments, her jewel-casket, and a miniature of her deceased husband, and in those last words lies the secret of the red room, the spell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur. Mr. Reed had been dead nine years. It was in this chamber he breathed his last. Here he lay in state. Hence his coffin was borne by the undertaker's men, and since that day a sense of dreary consecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion. My seat, to which Bessie and the bitter Miss Abbott had left me riveted, was a low ottoman near the marble chimney-piece. The bed rose before me. To my right hand there was the high dark wardrobe, with subdued, broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels. To my left were muffled windows. A great looking-glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room. I was not quite sure whether they had locked the door, and when I dared move I got up and went to see. Alas! Yes! No jail was ever more secure. Returning I had to cross before the looking-glass. My fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth that revealed. All looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality. And the strange little figure there gazing at me, with a white face and arms specking the gloom, and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still, had the effect of a real spirit. I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms, half fairy, half imp, Bessie's evening stories represented us coming out of lone, ferny dels and moors, and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers. I returned to my stool. Superstition was with me at that moment, but it was not yet her hour for complete victory. My blood was still warm. The mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigor. I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present. All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sister's proud indifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servant's partiality, turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well. Why was I always suffering, always brow-beaten, always accused, for ever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try to win any one's favour? Eliza, who was headstrong and selfish, was respected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite, a captious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Her beauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight to all who looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault. John no-one thwarted, much less punished, though he twisted the necks of the pigeons, killed the little peach-chicks, set the dogs at the sheep, stripped the hot-house of ions of their fruit, and broke the buds off the choicest plants in the conservatory. He called his mother old girl, too. Sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar to his own, bluntly disregarded her wishes, not unfrequently tore and spoiled her silk attire, but he was still her own darling. I dared commit no fault, I strove to fulfil every duty, and I was termed naughty and tiresome, sullen and sneaking, from morning to noon and from noon to night.  No-one had reproved John for wantonly striking me, and because I had turned against him to avert father irrational violence, I was loaded with general approbrium. Unjust! Unjust! said my reason, forced by the agonising stimulus into precocious though transitory power, and resolve, equally wrought up, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape from insupportable oppression, as running away, or if that could not be affected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die. Not a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon, how all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection, yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance was the mental battle fought, I could not answer the ceaseless inward question, why I thus suffered, now at the distance of—I will not say how many years—I see it clearly. I was a discord in Gateshead Hall. I was like nobody there. I had nothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosen vassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them. They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them, a heterogeneous thing, opposed to them in temperament, in capacity, in propensities, a useless thing, incapable of serving their interests or adding to their pleasure, a noxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment, of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child, though equally dependent and friendless, Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently. Her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow feeling. The servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery. Daylight began to forsake the redroom. It was past four o'clock, and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heard the rain still beating continuously on the staircase window, and the wind howling in the grove behind the hall. I grew by degrees cold as a stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All said, I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so. What thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime, and was I fit to die. Or was the vault under the chancel of Gateshead Church an inviting borne? In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reed lie buried, and led by this thought to recall his idea. I dwelt on it with gathering dread. I could not remember him, but I knew that he was my own uncle, my mother's brother, that he had taken me when a parentless infant to his home, and that in his last moments he had required a promise of Mrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me as one of her own children. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept this promise. And so she had, I daresay, as well as her nature would permit her. But how could she really like an interloper not of her race, and unconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? It must have been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-rung pledge to stand in the stead of a parent to a strange child she could not love, and see an uncongenial alien permanently intruded on her own family group. A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not, never doubted, that if Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly. And now, as I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls, occasionally also turning a fascinated eye towards the dimly gleaming mirror, I began to recall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish the perjured, and avenge the oppressed. And I thought Mr. Reed's spirit, harassed by the wrongs of his sister's child, might quit its abode. There in the church vault are in the unknown world of the departed, and rise before me in this chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs, fearful lest any sign of violent grief might awaken a preternatural voice to comfort me, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending over me with strange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would be terrible if realised. With all my might I endeavoured to stifle it, I endeavoured to be firm. Seeing my hair from my eyes, I lifted my head and tried to look boldly round the dark room. At this moment a light gleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from the moon penetrating some aperture in the blind? No. Moonlight was still, and this stirred. While I gazed it glided up to the ceiling and quivered over my head. I can now conjecture readily that this streak of light was in all likelihood a gleam from a lantern carried by someone across the lawn. But then, prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken as my nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, my head grew hot, a sound filled my ears which I deemed the rushing of wings, something seemed near me. I was oppressed, suffocated, endurance broke down. I rushed to the door and shook the lock in desperate effort. Waves came running along the outer passage. The key turned, Bessie and Abbott entered. "'Miss Air, are you ill?' said Bessie. "'What a dreadful noise! It went quite through me!' exclaimed Abbott. "'Take me out! Let me go into the nursery!' was my cry. "'What for? Are you hurt? Have you seen something?' again demanded Bessie. "'Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come.' I had now got hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me.' "'She has screamed out on purpose,' declared Abbott in some disgust. "'And what a scream! If she had been in great pain, one would have excused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here. I know her naughty tricks.' "'What is all this?' demanded another voice peremptorily, and Mrs. Reed came along the corridor, her cap flying wide, her gown rustling stormily. Abbott and Bessie, I believe, I gave orders that Jane Ahr should be left in the red-brom till I came to her myself. "'Miss Jane screamed so loud, mum,' pleaded Bessie. "'Let her go,' was the only answer. "'Loose Bessie's hand, child. You cannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. I abhor artifice, particularly in children. It is my duty to show you that tricks will not answer. You will now stay here an hour longer, and it is only on condition of perfect submission and stillness that I shall liberate you then. "'Oh, aunt, have pity! Forgive me! I cannot endure it! Let me be punished some other way! I shall be killed if—' "'Silence! This violence is all most repulsive!' And so, no doubt, she felt it. I was a precocious actress in her eyes. She sincerely looked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, and dangerous duplicity. Bessie and Abbott having retreated, Mrs. Reed, impatient of my now frantic anguish and wild sobs, abruptly thrust me back and locked me in without further parley. I heard her sweeping away, and soon after she was gone, I suppose I had a species of fit. Unconsciousness closed the scene." CHAPTER III The next thing I remember is, waking up with a feeling as if I had had a frightful nightmare, and seeing before me a terrible red glare, crossed with thick black bars. I heard voices, too, speaking with a hollow sound, and as if muffled by a rush of wind or water—agitation, uncertainty, and an all-predominating sense of terror confused my faculties. There long I became aware that some one was handling me, lifting me up and supporting me in a sitting posture, and that more tenderly than I had ever been raised or upheld before. I rested my head against a pillow, or an arm, and felt easy. In five minutes more the cloud of bewilderment dissolved. I knew quite well that I was in my own bed, and that the red glare was the nursery fire. It was night. A candle burnt on the table. Nancy stood at the bed-foot with a basin in her hand, and a gentleman sat in a chair near my pillow, leaning over me. I felt an inexpressible relief, a soothing conviction of protection and security, when I knew that there was a stranger in the room, an individual not belonging to Gateshead, and not related to Mrs. Reed. Turning from Bessie, though her presence was far less obnoxious to me than that of Abbott, for instance, would have been, I scrutinised the face of the gentleman. I knew him. It was Mr. Lloyd, an apothecary, sometimes called in by Mrs. Reed when the servants were ailing, for herself and the children she employed a physician. "'Well, who am I?' he asked. I pronounced his name, offering him at the same time my hand. He took it, smiling, and saying, We shall do very well by and by. Then he laid me down, and addressing Bessie, charged her to be very careful that I was not disturbed during the night. Having given some further directions, and intimates that he should call again the next day, he departed, to my grief. I felt so sheltered and befriended while he sat in the chair near my pillow, and as he closed the door after him, all the room darkened, and my heart again sank, inexpressible sadness weighed it down. "'Do you feel as if you should sleep, Miss?' asked Bessie, rather softly. Scarcely dared I answer her, for I feared the next sentence might be rough. I will try." "'Would you like to drink, or could you eat anything?' "'No, thank you, Bessie.' "'Then I think I shall go to bed, for it is past twelve o'clock, but you may call me if you want anything in the night.' "'Wonderful civility, this!' It emboldened me to ask a question. "'Bessie, what is the matter with me? Am I ill?' "'You fell sick, I suppose, in the red room with the crying. You'll be better soon, no doubt.' Bessie went into the housemaid's apartment, which was near. I heard her say, "'Sarah, come and sleep with me in the nursery. I daren't for my life be alone with that poor child to-night. She might die. It's such a strange thing she should have that fit. I wonder if she saw any thing. Missus was rather too hard.' Sarah came back with her. They both went to bed. They were whispering together for half an hour before they fell asleep. I caught scraps of their conversation, from which I was able only too distinctly to infer the main subject discussed. Something passed her, all dressed in white, and vanished—a great black dog behind him. Three loud wraps on the chamber-door, a light in the churchyard just over his grave—etc. Etc. As last both slept, the fire and the candle went out. For me, the watches of that long night passed in ghastly wakefulness, strained by dread. Such dread as children only can feel. No severe or prolonged bodily illness followed this incident of the red room. It only gave my nerves a shock of which I feel the reverberation to this day.  But I ought to forgive you, for you knew not what you did. While rending my heartstrings, you thought you were only uprooting my bad propensities.' Next day by noon I was up and dressed, and sat wrapped in a shawl by the nursery hearth. I felt physically weak and broken down. But my worse ailment was an unutterable wretchedness of mind—a wretchedness which kept drawing from me silent tears. No sooner had I wiped one salt drop from my cheek than another followed. Yet, I thought, I ought to have been happy. For none of the Reed's were there. They were all gone out in the carriage with their mamar. Abbott, too, was sowing in another room, and Bessie, as she moved hither and thither, putting away toys and arranging drawers, addressed to me every now and then a word of unwonted kindness. This state of thing should have been to me a paradise of peace, accustomed as I was to a life of ceaseless reprimand and thankless fagging. But in fact my rat-nerves were now in such a state that no calm could soothe, and no pleasure excite them agreeably. Bessie had been down into the kitchen, and she brought up with her a tart on a certain brightly painted china-plate, whose bird of paradise, nestling in a wreath of convolvuli, and rose-buds, had been wont to stir in me a most enthusiastic sense of admiration. And which plate I had often petitioned to be allowed to take in my hand, in order to examine it more closely, but had always hitherto been deemed unworthy of such a privilege. This precious vessel was now placed on my knee, and I was cordially invited to eat the circuit of delicate pastry upon it. Vain favour! Coming like most other favours long deferred and often wished for, too late. I could not eat the tart. And the plumage of the bird, the tints of the flowers, seemed strangely faded. I put both plate and tart away. Bessie asked if I would have a book. The word book acted as a transient stimulus, and I begged her to fetch Gulliver's travels from the library. This book I had again and again perused with delight. I considered it a narrative of facts, and discovered in it a vein of interest deeper than what I found in fairytales. For as to the elves having sought them in vain among fox-glove leaves and bells, under mushrooms and beneath the ground ivy mantling old walnuts, I had at length made up my mind to the sad truth that they were all gone out of England to some savage country, where the woods were wilder and thicker, and the population more scant. Whereas, lilliput and brobdignag being in my creed, solid parts of the earth's surface, I doubted not that I might one day, by taking a long voyage, see with my own eyes the little fields, houses, and trees, the diminutive people, the tiny cows, sheep, and birds of the one realm, and the corn fields, forest high, the mighty mastiffs, the monster cats, the tower-like men and women of the other. Yet, when this cherished volume was now placed in my hand, when I turned over its leaves and sought in its marvellous pictures the charm I had, till now never failed to find, all was eerie and dreary. The giants were gaunt goblins, the pygmies malevolent and fearful imps, gulliver a most desolate wanderer in most dread and dangerous regions. I closed the book, which I dared no longer peruse, and put it on the table beside the untasted tart. Bessie had now finished dusting and tidying the room, and having washed her hands, she opened a certain little drawer, full of splendid shreds of silk and satin, and began making a new bonnet for Georgiana's doll. Meantime she sang, her song was, in the days when we went gypsying a long time ago. I had often heard the song before, and always with lively delight, for Bessie had a sweet voice—at least I thought so. But now, though her voice was still sweet, I found in its melody an indescribable sadness. Sometimes preoccupied with her work, she sang the refrain very low, very lingeringly. A long time ago came out like the saddest cadence of a funeral hymn. She passed into another ballad—this time a really doleful one. My feet they are sore, and my limbs they are weary. Long is the way, and the mountains are wild. Soon will the twilight close moonless and dreary, over the path of the poor orphan child. Why did they send me so far and so lonely, up where the moors spread and grey rocks are piled? Men are hard-hearted, and kind angels only, watch all the steps of a poor orphan child. Yet distant and soft the night breeze is blowing, clouds there are none, and clear stars be mild. God in his mercy protection is showing, comfort and hope to the poor orphan child. When should I fall or the broken bridge passing, or stray in the marshes by false lights beguiled? Still will my father with promise and blessing take to his bosom the poor orphan child. There is a thought that for strength should avail me, though both of shelter and kindred despoiled. Heaven is a home, and a rest will not fail me. God is a friend to the poor orphan child. Come, Miss Jane, don't cry," said Bessie, as she finished. She might as well have said to the fire, don't burn. But how could she divine the morbid suffering to which I was a prey? In the course of the morning, Mr. Lloyd came again. What! Already up!" said he, as he entered the nursery. Well, nurse, how is she? Bessie answered that I was doing very well. And she ought to look more cheerful. Come here, Miss Jane. Your name is Jane, is it not? Yes, sir. Jane Eyre. Well, you have been crying, Miss Jane Eyre. Can you tell me what about? Have you any pain? No, sir. Oh, I daresay she is crying because she could not go out with Mrs. in the carriage, interposed Bessie. Surely not, why she is too old for such pettishness. I thought so, too, and my self-esteem being wounded by the false charge, I answered promptly. I never cried for such a thing in my life. I hate going out in the carriage. I cry because I am miserable. Oh, fine, Miss! said Bessie. The good apothecary appeared a little puzzled. I was standing before him. He fixed his eyes on me very steadily. His eyes were small and grey—not very bright—but I daresay I should think them shrewd now. He had a hard-featured, yet good-natured-looking face. Having considered me at leisure, he said, What made you ill yesterday? She had a fall, said Bessie, again putting in her word. Fall? Why, that is like a baby again. Can't she manage to walk at her age? She must be eight or nine years old. I was knocked down, was the blunt explanation, jerked out of me by another pang of mortified pride. But that did not make me ill," I added, while Mr. Lloyd helped himself to a pinch of snuff. As he was returning the books to his waistcoat pocket, a loud bell rang for the servants' dinner. He knew what it was. That's for you, nurse," said he, You can go down, I'll give Miss Jane a lecture till you come back. Bessie would rather have stayed, but she was obliged to go, because punctuality at meals was rigidly enforced at Gateshead Hall. The fall did not make you ill. What did, then?" pursued Mr. Lloyd, when Bessie was gone. I was shut up in a room where there is a ghost, till after dark. I saw Mr. Lloyd's smile and frown at the same time. Ghost? What?  You are afraid of ghosts? Of Mr. Reed's ghost I am. He died in that room and was laid out there. Neither Bessie nor any one else will go into it at night if they can help it, and it was cruel to shut me up alone without a candle. So cruel, I think I shall never forget it. Nonsense! And is it that makes you so miserable? Are you afraid now in daylight? No, but night will come again before long, and besides, I am unhappy, very unhappy, for other things. Not other things. Can you tell me some of them?" How much I wished to reply fully to this question. How difficult it was to frame any answer. Children can feel, but they cannot analyze their feelings, and if the analysis is partially affected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words. Fearful, however, of losing this first and only opportunity of relieving my grief by imparting it, I, after a disturbed pause, contrived to frame a meagre, though, as far as it went, true response. For one thing I have no father or mother, brothers or sisters. You have a kind aunt and cousins? Again I paused, then bunglingly announced. But John Reed knocked me down, and my aunt shut me up in the red room. Mr. Lloyd, second time, produced his snuff-box. Don't you think Gateshead Hall, a very beautiful house? asked he. Are you not very thankful to have such a fine place to live at? It is not my house, sir, and Abbott says I have less right to be here than a servant. Poo!  If I had anywhere else to go, I should be glad to leave it, but I can never get away from Gateshead till I am a woman. Perhaps you may. Who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs. Reed? I think not, sir. None belonging to your father? I don't know. I asked Aunt Reed once, and she said possibly I might have some poor, low relations called heir, but she knew nothing about them. If you had such, would you like to go to them? I reflected. Poverty looks grim to grown people, still more so to children. They have not much idea of industrious working respectable poverty. They think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes, scanty food, fireless grates, rude manners, and debasing vices. Poverty for me was synonymous with degradation. No, I should not like to belong to poor people, was my reply. Not even if they were kind to you. I shook my head. I could not see how poor people had the means of being kind, and then to learn to speak like them, to adopt their manners, to be uneducated, to grow up like one of the poor women I saw sometimes nursing their children, or washing their clothes at the cottage doors of the village of Gateshead. No, I was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste. But are your relatives so very poor? Are they working people? I cannot tell. Aunt Reed says if I have any they must be a beggarly set. I should not like to go a-begging. Would you like to go to school? Again I reflected. I scarcely knew what school was. Bessie sometimes spoke of it as a place where young ladies sat in the stocks, wore backboards, and were expected to be exceedingly genteel and precise. John Reed hated his school, and abused his master. But John Reed's tastes were no rule for mine, and if Bessie's accounts of school discipline, gathered from the young ladies of a family where she had lived before coming to Gateshead, were somewhat appalling, her details of certain accomplishments attained by these same young ladies were, I thought, equally attractive. She boasted of beautiful paintings of landscapes and flowers by them executed, of songs they could sing and pieces they could play, of purses they could net, of French books they could translate, till my spirit was moved to emulation as I listened. Besides, school would be a complete change. It implied a long journey, an entire separation from Gateshead, an entrance into a new life. I should indeed like to go to school, was the audible conclusion of my musings. Well, well, who knows what may happen," said Mr. Lloyd, as he got up. The child ought to have a change of air and scene," he said, speaking to himself. Nerves not in a good state. Bessie now returned, at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel walk. "'Is that your mistress' nurse?' asked Mr. Lloyd. "'I should like to speak to her before I go.'" Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the way out. In the interview which followed between him and Mrs. Reed, I presume, from after occurrences, that the apothecary ventured to recommend my being sent to school, and the recommendation was no doubt readily enough adopted, for, as Abbott said in discussing the subject with Bessie, when both sat sewing in the nursery one night, after I was in bed, and, as they thought, asleep. "'Mrs. Wals,' she dared say, glad enough to get rid of such a tiresome, ill-conditioned child, who always looked as if she were watching everybody, and scheming plots under hand. Abbott, I think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine guy-fawks. On that same occasion I learned, for the first time, from Miss Abbott's communications to Bessie, that my father had been a poor clergyman, that my mother had married him against the wishes of her friends, who considered the match beneath her. That my grandfather Reed was so irritated at her disobedience, he cut her off without a shilling, that after my mother and father had been married a year, the latter caught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor of a large manufacturing town, where his curacy was situated, and where that disease was then prevalent. That my mother took the infection from him, and both died within a month of each other." Bessie, when she heard this narrative, sighed and said, "'Poor Miss Jane is to be pityed, too, Abbott.' "'Yes,' responded Abbott, if she were a nice, pretty child, one might compassionate her for lawnness, but one really cannot care for such a little toad as that." "'Not a great deal, to be sure,' agreed Bessie. At any rate, a beauty like Miss Georgiana would be more moving in the same condition. "'Oh, yes, I do ton, Miss Georgiana,' cried the fervent Abbott, "'little darling, with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweet colour as she has, just as if she were painted.' "'Bessie, I could fancy a Welsh rabbit for supper.' "'So could I, with a roast onion. Come, we'll go down.' They went." CHAPTER IV From my discourse with Mr. Lloyd, and from the above-reported conference between Bessie and Abbott, I gathered enough of hope to suffice as a motive for wishing to get well. A change seemed near. I desired and waited it in silence. It tarried, however. Days and weeks passed. I had regained my normal state of health, but no new illusion was made to the subject over which I brooded. Mrs. Reid surveyed me at times with a severe eye, but seldom addressed me. Since my illness she had drawn a more marked line of separation than ever between me and her own children, appointing me a small closet to sleep in by myself, condemning me to take my meals alone, and pass all my time in the nursery, while my cousins were constantly in the drawing-room. Not a hint, however, did she drop about sending me to school. Still I felt an instinctive certainty that she would not long endure me under the same roof with her, for her glance now more than ever, when turned on me, expressed an insuperable and rooted aversion. Rosa and Georgiana, evidently acting according to orders, spoke to me as little as possible. John thrust his tongue in his cheek whenever he saw me, and once attempted chastisement. But as I instantly turned against him, roused by the same sentiment of deep ire and desperate revolt which had stirred my corruption before, he thought it better to desist, and ran from me tittering, execrations, and vowing I had burst his nose. I had indeed levelled at that prominent feature as hard to blow as my knuckles could inflict, and when I saw that either that or my look daunted him, I had the greatest inclination to follow up my advantage to purpose, but he was already with his mamar. I heard him in a blubbering tone commence the tale of how that nasty Jane Eyre had flown at him like a mad cat, he was stopped rather harshly. Don't talk to me about her, John. I told you not to go near her. She is not worthy of notice. I do not choose that either you or your sister should associate with her." Here, leaning over the banister, I cried out suddenly, and without at all deliberating on my words. They are not fit to associate with me. Mrs. Reed was rather a stout woman, but on hearing this strange and audacious declaration, she ran nimbly up the stair, swept me like a whirlwind into the nursery, and crushing me down on the edge of my crib, dared me in an emphatic voice to rise from that place, or utter one syllable during the remainder of the day. What would Uncle Reed say to you if he were alive? Was my scarcely voluntary demand? I say scarcely voluntary, for it seemed as if my tongue pronounced words without my will consenting to their utterance. Some things spoke out of me over which I had no control. What? said Mrs. Reed, under her breath. Her usually cold, composed grey eye became troubled with the look like fear. She took her hand from my arm, and gazed at me as if she really did not know whether I were child or fiend. I was now in for it. My Uncle Reed is in heaven, and can see all you do and think, and so can Papa and Mamar. They know how you shut me up all day long, and how you wish me dead." Mrs. Reed soon rallied her spirits. She shook me most soundly. She boxed both my ears, and then left me without a word. Bessie supplied the hiatus by a homily of an hour's length, in which she proved beyond doubt I was the most wicked and abandoned child ever reared under a roof. I half believed her, for I felt indeed only bad feelings surging in my breast. November, December, and half of January passed away. Christmas and the new year had been celebrated at Gateshead with the usual festive cheer. Presence had been interchanged, dinners and evening parties given. From every enjoyment I was, of course, excluded. My share of the gaiety consisted in witnessing the daily apparelling of Eliza and Georgiana, and seeing them descend to the drawing-room, dressed out in thin muslin frocks and scarlet sashes, with hair elaborately ringleted, and afterwards in listening to the sound of the piano with a harp played below, to the passing two in fro of the butler and footman, to the jingling of glass and china as refreshments were handed, to the broken hum of conversation as the drawing-room door opened and closed. When tired of this occupation, I would retire from the stair-head to the solitary and silent nursery. There, though somewhat sad, I was not miserable. To speak truth I had not the least wish to go into company, for in company I was very rarely noticed, and if Bessie had but been kind and companionable, I should have deemed it a treat to spend the evenings quietly with her, instead of passing them under the formidable eyes of Mrs. Reed, in a room full of ladies and gentlemen. But Bessie, as soon as she had dressed her young ladies, used to take herself off to the lively regions of the kitchen and the housekeeper's room, generally bearing the candle along with her. I then sat with my doll on my knee till the fire got low, glancing round occasionally to make sure that nothing worse than myself haunted the shadowy room, and when the embers sank to a dull red, I undressed hastily, tugging at knots and strings as I best might, and sought shelter from cold and darkness in my crib. To this crib I always took my doll. Human beings must love something, and in the dearth of worthier objects of affection I can try to find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded, graven image, shabby as a miniature scarecrow. It puzzles me now to remember with what absurd sincerity I doted on this little toy, half fancying it alive and capable of sensation. I could not sleep unless it was folded in my nightgown, and when it lay there safe and warm, I was comparatively happy, believing it to be happy likewise. Long did the hour seem while I waited the departure of the company, and listened for the sound of Bessie's step on the stairs. Sometimes she would come up in the interval to seek her thimble of her scissors, or perhaps to bring me something by way of supper, a bun or a cheesecake. Then she would sit on the bed while I ate it, and when I had finished she would tuck the clothes round me, and twice she kissed me and said, Good night, Miss Jane. When thus gentle Bessie seemed to me the best, prettiest, kindest being in the world, and I wished most intensely that she would be always so pleasant and amiable, and never push me about or scold or task me unreasonably, as she was too often won't to do. Bessie Lee must, I think, have been a girl of good natural capacity, for she was smart in all she did, and had a remarkable knack of narrative. So at least I judged from the impression made on me by her nursery tales. She was pretty, too, of my recollections of her face in person are correct. I remember her as a slim young woman, with black hair, dark eyes, very nice features, and good clear complexion. But she had a capricious and hasty temper, and indifferent ideas of principle or justice. Still, such as she was, I preferred her to any one else at Gateshead Hall. It was the fifteenth of January, about nine o'clock in the morning. Bessie was gone down to breakfast. My cousins had not yet been summoned to their mamar. Eliza was putting on her bonnet and warm garden coat to go and feed her poultry, an occupation of which she was fond, and not less so if selling the eggs to the housekeeper, and hoarding up the money she thus obtained. She had a turn for traffic, and a marked propensity for saving, shown not only in the vending of eggs and chickens, but also in driving hard bargains with the gardener about flower-roots, seeds, and slips of plants, that functionary having orders from Mrs. Reed to buy up his young lady all the products of her parterre she wished to sell, and Eliza would have sold the hair off her head if she could have made a handsome profit thereby. As to her money, she first secreted it in odd corners, wrapping it in a rag or old curl-paper. But some of these hoards having been discovered by the housemaid, Eliza fearful of one day losing her valued treasure, consented to entrust it to her mother, at a usurious rate of interest, fifty or sixty percent, which interest she exacted every quarter, keeping her accounts in a little book with anxious accuracy. Georgiana sat on high stool, dressing her hair at the glass, and interweaving her coals with artificial flowers and faded feathers, of which she had found a store in a drawer in the attic. I was making my bed, having received strict orders from Bessie to get it arranged before she returned. For Bessie now frequently employed me as a sort of under-nursery maid, to tidy the room, dust the chairs, et cetera. Having spread the quilt and folded my night-dress, I went to the window-seat to put in order some picture-books and doll's-house furniture scattered there. An abrupt command from Georgiana to let her play things alone, bore the tiny chairs and mirrors, the fairy plates and cups were her property, stopped my proceedings. And then, for lack of other occupation, I felt a breathing on the frost-flowers with which the window was fretted, and thus clearing a space in the glass through which I might look out on the grounds, where all was still and petrified under the influence of a hard frost. From this window were visible the porter's lodge and the carriage-road, and just as I had dissolved so much of the silver-white foliage veiling the panes as left room to look out, I saw the gates thrown open at a carriage-wall through. I watched it ascending the drive with indifference. Carriages often came to Gateshead, but none ever brought visitors in whom I was interested. It stopped in front of the house. The doorbell rang loudly, the newcomer was admitted. All this being nothing to me, my vacant attention soon found lively a retraction in the spectacle of a hungry little robin, which came and chirped on the twigs of the leafless cherry-tree, nailed against the wall near the casement. The remains of my breakfast of bread and milk stood on the table, and having crumbled a morsel of roll, I was tugging at the sash to put out the crumbs on the windowsill, when Bessie came running upstairs to the nursery.   I gave another tug before I answered, for I wanted the bird to be secure of its bread. The sash yielded, I scattered the crumbs, some on the stone-sill, some on the cherry-tree-bow, then, in closing the window, I replied, No, Bessie, I have only just finished dusting. Oh, troublesome careless child, and what are you doing now?  What were you opening the window for? I was spared the trouble of answering, for Bessie seemed in too great a hurry to listen to explanations.  I would have asked who wanted me. I would have demanded if Mrs. Reed was there, but Bessie was already gone, and she would close the nursery-door upon me. I slowly descended. For nearly three months I had never been called to Mrs. Reed's presence. Restricted so long to the nursery, the breakfast, dining, and drawing-rooms would become for me awful regions, on which it dismayed me to intrude. I now stood in the empty hall, before me was the breakfast-room door, and I stopped, intimidated, and trembling. What a miserable little paltrune had fear and gendered of unjust punishment made of me in those days. I feared to return to the nursery, and feared to go forward to the parlour. Ten minutes I stood in agitated hesitation. The vehement ringing of the breakfast-room bell decided me, I must enter. Who could want me? I asked inwardly. As with both hands I turned the stiff door-handle, which for a second or two resisted my efforts. What should I see besides Aunt Reed in this apartment—a man or a woman? The handle turned, the door unclosed, and passing through and curtsying low, I looked up at—a black pillar. Such at least appeared to me at first sight, the straight, narrow, sable-clad shape standing erect on the rug. The grim face at the top was like a carved mask, placed above the shaft by way of capital. Mrs. Reed occupied her usual seat by the fireside. She made a signal to me to approach. I did so, and she introduced me to the stony stranger with the words,—and this is a little girl respecting whom I applied to you. He, for it was a man, turned his head slowly towards where I stood, and having examined me with the two inquisitive-looking grey eyes which twinkled under a pair of bushy brows, said solemnly, and in a base voice,—her size is small. What is her age? Ten years. So much," was the doubtful answer, and he prolonged his scrutiny for some minutes. Presently he addressed me. Your name, little girl? Jane Eyre, sir. In uttering these words I looked up, he seemed to me a tall gentleman, but then I was very little. His features were large, and they in all the lines of his frame were equally harsh and prim. Well, Jane Eyre, and are you a good child? Impossible to reply to this in the affirmative, my little world held a contrary opinion. I was silent. Mrs. Reed answered for me by an expressive shake of the head, adding soon,—perhaps the less said on that subject the better, Mr. Brocklehurst. Sorry, indeed, to hear it. She and I must have some talk. And bending from the perpendicular, he installed his person in the armchair opposite Mrs. Reed's. Come here," he said. I stepped across the rug. He placed me square and straight before him.  Now that it was almost on a level with mine! What a great nose! And what a mouth! And what large, prominent teeth! No sight so sad as that of a naughty child! He began.  Do you know where the wicked go after death?  And what is hell? Can you tell me that?  And should you like to fall into that pit and then be burning there for ever? No, sir. What must you do to avoid it? I deliberated a moment. My answer, when it did come, was objectionable. I must keep in good health and not die. How can you keep in good health?  I buried a little child of five years old on the Edea two cents, a good little child, whose soul is now in heaven. It is to be feared the same could not be said of you, were you to be called hence. Not being in a condition to remove his doubt, I only cast my eyes down on the two large feet plunted on the rug, and sighed, wishing myself far enough away. I hope that sigh is from the heart, and that you repent of ever having been the occasion of discomfort to your excellent benefactress. Benefactress! Benefactress! Said I inwardly. They all call Mrs. Reed my benefactress. If so, a benefactress is a disagreeable thing. Do you say your prayers night and morning? continued my interlocutor. Yes, sir. Do you read your Bible? Sometimes. With pleasure? Are you fond of it? I like revelations, and the book of Daniel, and Genesis, and Samuel, and a little bit of Exodus, and some parts of Kings and Chronicles, and Job and Jonah. And the psalms? I hope you like them. No, sir. No? Oh, shocking! I have a little boy younger than you, who knows six psalms by heart, and when you ask him which he would rather have, a gingerbread nut to eat, or a verse of psalm to learn, he says, Oh! the verse of a psalm, angels sing psalms, says he, I wish to be a little angel here below. He then gets two nuts in recompense for his infant piety. Psalms are not interesting, I remarked. That proves you have a wicked heart, and you must pray to God to change it, to give you a new and clean one, to take away your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I was about to propound a question, touching the manner in which that operation of changing my heart was to be performed, when Mrs. Reed had deposed, telling me to sit down. She then proceeded to carry on the conversation herself. Mr. Brocklehurst, I believe I intimated in the letter which I wrote to you three weeks ago, that this little girl has not quite the character and disposition I could wish. Should you admit her into Lowwood's school, I should be glad if the superintendent and teachers were requested to keep a strict eye on her, and above all to guard her against her worst fault—a tendency to deceit. I mention this in your hearing, Jane, that you may not attempt to impose on Mr. Brocklehurst. Well might I dread! Well might I dislike, Mrs. Reed! For it was her nature to wound me cruelly. Never was I happy in her presence. However carefully I obeyed, however strenuously I strove to please her, my efforts were still repulsed and repaid by such sentences as the above. Now uttered before a stranger, the accusation cut me to the heart. I dimly perceived that she was already obliterating hope from the new phase of existence which she destined me to enter. I felt, though I could not have expressed the feeling, that she was sowing aversion and unkindness along my future path. I saw myself transformed under Mr. Brocklehurst's eye into an artful, noxious child. And what could I do to remedy the injury? Everything indeed, thought I, as I struggled to repress a sob, and hastily wiped away some tears, the impotent evidences of my anguish. Deceit is indeed a sad fault and a child, said Mr. Brocklehurst. It is akin to falsehood, and all liars will have their portion in the lake burning with fire and brimstone. She shall, however, be watched, Mrs. Reed. I will speak to Miss Temple and the teachers. I should wish her to be brought up in a manner suiting her prospects—continued my benefactress—to be made useful, to be kept humble. As for the vacations, she will, with your permission, spend them always at Lowood. Your decisions are perfectly judicious, madam. Return, Mr. Brocklehurst. Humility is a Christian grace, and one peculiarly appropriate to the pupils of Lowood. I, therefore, direct that a special care shall be bestowed on its cultivation amongst them. I have studied how best to mortify in them the worldly sentiment of pride, and only the other day I had a pleasing proof of my success. My second daughter, Augusta, went with her mamar to visit the school, and on her return she exclaimed, Oh, dear Papa, how quiet and plain all the girls at Lowood look, with their hair combed behind their ears, and the long pinafores, and the little holland pockets outside their frocks. They are almost like poor people's children. And said she, they looked at my dress and mamar's as if they had never seen a silk gown before. This is the state of things I quite approve," returned Mrs. Reed. Had I sought all England over, I could scarcely have found a system more exactly fitting a child like Jane Eyre. Consistency, my dear Mr. Brocklehurst. I advocate consistency in all things. Consistency, madam, is the first of Christian duties, and it has been observed in every arrangement connected with the establishment of Lowood. Plain fare, simple attire, unsophisticated accommodations, hardy and active habits. Such is the order of the day in the house and its inhabitants. Quite right, sir. I may then depend upon this child being received as a pupil at Lowood, and there being trained in conformity to her position and prospects. Madam, you may. She shall be placed in that nursery of chosen plants, and I trust she will show herself grateful for the inestimable privilege of her election. I will send them as soon as possible, Mr. Brocklehurst, for I assure you I feel anxious to be relieved of responsibility that was becoming too irksome. No doubt, no doubt, madam, and now I wish you good morning. I shall return to Brocklehurst Hall in the course of a week or two. My good friend, the Archdeacon, will not permit me to leave him sooner. I shall send Miss Temple notice that she is to expect a new girl, so that there will be no difficulty about receiving her. Good-bye. Good-bye, Mr. Brocklehurst. Remember me to Mrs. and Miss Brocklehurst, and to Augusta and Theodore, and Master Broughton Brocklehurst. I will, madam. Little girl, here is a book entitled The Child's Guide. Read it with prayer, especially that part containing, an account of the awfully sudden death of Martha G., a naughty child addicted to falsehood and deceit. With these words Mr. Brocklehurst put into my hand a thin pamphlet sewn in a cover, and having rung for his carriage, he departed. Mrs. Read and I were left alone. Some minutes passed in silence. She was sowing. I was watching her. Mrs. Read might be at that time some six or seven and thirty. She was a woman of robust frame, square-shouldered and strong-limbed, not tall, and though stout, not obese. She had a somewhat large face, the underjaw being much developed and very solid.  Under her light eyebrows glimmered an eye devoid of Ruth. Her skin was dark and opaque, her hair nearly flaxen. Her constitution was sound as a bell. Illness never came near her. She was an exact, clever manager. Her household and tenetry were thoroughly under her control. Her children only at times defied her authority and laughed to scorn. She dressed well, and had a presence and port calculated to set off handsome attire. Sitting on a low stool a few yards from her armchair, I examined her figure, I perused her features. In my hand I held the tract containing the sudden death of the liar, to which narrative my attention had been pointed as to an appropriate warning. What had just passed? What Mrs. Read had said concerning me to Mr. Brockelhurst, the whole tenor of their conversation, was recent, raw, and stinging in my mind. I had felt every word as acutely as I had heard it plainly, and a passion of resentment fermented now within me. Mrs. Read looked up from her work, her eye settled on mine, her fingers at the same time suspended their nimble movements. Go out of the room, return to the nursery, was her mandate. My look or something else must have struck her as offensive, for she spoke with extreme though suppressed irritation. I got up, I went to the door, I came back again, I walked to the window across the room, then close up to her. Speak I must! I had been trodden on severely, and must turn! But how? What strength had I to dart retaliation at my antagonist? I gathered my energies, and launched them in this blunt sentence. I am not deceitful. If I were, I should say I loved you. But I declare I do not love you. I dislike you the worst of anybody in the world except John Read.  Her eye of ice continued to dwell freezingly on mine. "'What more have you to say?' she asked, rather in the tone in which a person might address an opponent of adult age, than such as ordinarily used to a child. That eye of hers, that voice, stirred every antipathy I had. Shaking from head to foot, thrilled with ungovernable excitement, I continued. I am glad you are no relation of mine. I will never call you aunt again as long as I live. I will never come to see you when I am grown up.  "'How dare you' affirmed that, Jane Eyre!' "'How dare I,' Mrs. Read?  Because it is the truth. You think I have no feelings, and that I can do without one bit of love or kindness, but I cannot live so. And you have no pity. I shall remember how you thrust me back, roughly and violently thrust me back into the red room, and locked me up there to my dying day, though I was in agony, though I cried out while suffocating with distress, have mercy, have mercy, Aunt Read.  I will tell anybody who asks me questions this exact tale. People think you a good woman. But you are bad, hard-hearted. You are deceitful." ere I had finished this reply, my soul began to expand, to exalt with the strangest sense of freedom, of triumph I ever felt. It seemed as if an invisible bond had burst, and that I had struggled out under unhoped for liberty. Not without cause with this sentiment. Mrs. Read looked frightened. Her work had slipped from her knee. She was lifting up her hands, rocking herself to and fro, and even twisting her face as if she would cry. Jane! You are under a mistake. What is the matter with you? Why do you tremble so violently? Would you like to drink some water? No, Mrs. Read. Is there anything else you wish for, Jane? I assure you I desire to be your friend. Not you. You told Mr. Brocklehurst I had a bad character, a deceitful disposition, and I'll let everybody at Lowwood know what you are, and what you have done. Jane! You don't understand these things. Children must be corrected for their faults. Deceit is not my fault. I cried out in a high, savage voice. But you are passionate, Jane, that you must allow. And now return to the nursery there's a dear, and lie down a little. I am not your dear. I cannot lie down. Send me to school soon, Mrs. Read, for I hate to live here. I will indeed send her to school soon." Mermin, Mrs. Read, sought o' voce, and gathering at her work, she abruptly quitted the apartment. I was left there alone, winner of the field. It was the hardest battle I had fought, and the first victory I had gained. I stood a while on the rug where Mr. Brocklehurst had stood, and I enjoyed my conqueror's solitude. First I smiled to myself and felt elated, but this fierce pleasure subsided in me as fast as did the accelerated throb of my pulses. A child cannot quarrel with its elders as I had done, cannot give its furious feelings uncontrolled play as I had given mine, without experiencing afterwards the pang of remorse, and the chill of reaction. A ridge of lighted heath, alive, glancing, devouring, would have been a meat emblem of my mind when I accused and menaced Mrs. Read. The same ridge, black and blasted after the flames are dead, would have represented as meately my subsequent condition, when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and the dreariness of my hated and hating position. Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time, as aromatic wine it seemed on swallowing, warm and racy—its after-flavour, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned. Willingly what I now have gone and asked Mrs. Read's pardon—but I knew, partly from experience and partly from instinct, that was the way to make her repulse me with double scorn, thereby re-exciting every turbulent impulse of my nature. I would feign exercise some better faculty than that of fierce speaking, feign find nourishment for some less fiendish feeling than that of somber indignation. I took a book, some Arabian tales. I sat down and endeavoured to read. I could make no sense of the subject. My own thoughts swam always between me and the page I had usually found fascinating. I opened the glass door in the breakfast-room. The shrubbery was quite still. The black frost reigned, unbroken by sun or breeze through the grounds. I covered my head and arms with the skirt of my frock, and went out to walk in part of the plantation which was quite sequestered. But I found no pleasure in the silent trees, the falling fur-cones, the congealed relics of autumn, russet leaves, swept by past winds and heaps, and now stiffened together. I leaned against a gate, and looked into an empty field where no sheep were feeding, where the short grass was nipped and blanched. It was a very grey day, a most opaque sky, onding on snarl, canopied all. Men's flakes fell in intervals, which settled on the hard path, and on the hoary lee without melting. I stood, a wretched child enough, whispering to myself over and over again, What shall I do? What shall I do? All at once I heard a clear voice call, Miss Jane, where are you? Come to lunch? It was Bessie I knew well enough, but I did not stir. Her light step came tripping down the path.  Why don't you come when you are called? Bessie's presence, compared with the thoughts over which I had been brooding, seemed cheerful, even though, as usual, she was somewhat cross. The fact is, after my conflict with and victory over Mrs. Reed, I was not disposed to care much for the nursemaid's transitory anger, and I was disposed to bask in her youthful lightness of heart. I just put my two arms round her, and said, Come, Bessie, don't scold. The action was more frank and fearless than any I was habituated to indulge in, somehow it pleased her.  I nodded. And won't you be sorry to leave poor Bessie? What does Bessie care for me? She's always scolding me.  What? To get more knocks? Nonsense. What do you are rather put upon that certain? My mother said when she came to see me last week, that she would not like a little one of her own to be in your place. Now come in, and I've some good news for you. I don't think you have, Bessie. Child, what do you mean? What sorrowful eyes you fix on me? Well, but Mrs. and the young ladies in Master John are going out to tea this afternoon, and you shall have tea with me.  Mrs. intends you to leave Gateshead in a day or two, and you shall choose what toys you like to take with you. Bessie, you must promise not to scold me any more till I go.  Don't start when I chance to speak rather sharply, it's so provoking. I don't think I shall ever be afraid of you again, Bessie, because I have got used to you, and I shall soon have another set of people to dread. If you dread them, they'll dislike you. As you do, Bessie. I don't dislike you, Miss. I believe I am fonder of you than of all the others. You don't show it.  You've got quite a new way of talking. What makes you so venturesome and hardy? Why, I shall soon be away from you, and besides—I was going to say something about what had passed between me and Mrs. Reed, but on second thoughts I considered it better to remain silent on that head. And so you're glad to leave me? Not at all, Bessie—indeed, just now I'm rather sorry. But now, and rather—how coolly, my little lady says it! I daresay now if I were to ask you for a kiss you wouldn't give it me, you'd say you'd rather not.  Bessie stooped, emutually embraced, and I followed her into the house, quite comforted. That afternoon lapsed in peace and harmony, and in the evening Bessie told me some of her most enchanting stories, and sang me some of her sweetest songs. Even for me, life had its gleams of sunshine. CHAPTER V Five o'clock had hardly struck on the morning of the nineteenth of January, when Bessie brought a candle into my closet, and found me already up and nearly dressed. I had risen half an hour before her entrance, and had washed my face and put on my clothes by the light of a half-moon-just setting, whose rays streamed through the narrow window near my crib. I was to leave Gateshead that day by a coach, which passed the lodge Gates at six a.m. Bessie was the only person yet risen. She had lit a fire in the nursery, where she now proceeded to make my breakfast. Few children can eat when excited with the thoughts of a journey, nor could I. Bessie, having pressed me in vain to take a few spoonfuls of the boiled milk and bread she had prepared for me, wrapped up some biscuits in a paper, and put them into my bag. Then she helped me on with my police and bonnet, and wrapping herself in a shawl, she and I left the nursery. As we passed Mrs. Reed's bedroom, she said, "'Will you go in and bid Mrs. good-bye?' No, Bessie. She came to my crib last night when you had gone down to supper, and said I need not disturb her in the morning, or my cousins either, and she told me to remember that she had always been my best friend, and to speak of her and be grateful to her accordingly." What did you say, Miss? Nothing.  Oh! That was wrong, Miss Jane. It was quite right, Bessie. Your Mrs. has not been my friend. She has been my foe. Oh! Miss Jane, don't say so. "'Good-bye' to Gateshead,' cried I, as we passed through the hall and went out at the front door. The moon was set, and it was very dark. Bessie carried a lantern whose light glanced on wet steps and gravel roads sodden by a recent thaw. Raw and chill was the winter morning. My teeth chattered as I hastened down the drive. There was a light in the porter's lodge. When we reached it, we found the porter's wife just kindling her fire. My trunk, which had been carried down the evening before, stood corded at the door. It wanted but a few minutes of six, and shortly after that hour had struck, the distant roll of wheels announced the coming coach. I went to the door and watched its lamps approach rapidly through the gloom. "'Is she going by herself?' asked the porter's wife. "'Yes.' "'And how far is it?' "'Fifty miles.' "'What a long way! I wonder Mrs. Reed is not afraid to trust her so far alone.' The coach drew up. There it was at the gates with its four horses and its top laden with passengers. The guard and coachman loudly urged haste. My trunk was hoisted up. I was taken from Bessie's neck to which I clung with kisses. "'Be sure and take good care of her,' cried she to the guard, as he lifted me into the inside. "'Aye, aye,' was the answer. The door was slapped, too. A voice exclaimed, "'All right,' and on we drove. Thus was I severed from Bessie and Gateshead. Thus whirled away to unknown, and, as I then deemed, remote and mysterious regions. I remember but little of the journey. I only know that the day seemed to me of a preternatural length, and that we appeared to travel over hundreds of miles of road. We passed through several towns, and in one, a very large one, the coach stopped. The horses were taken out and the passengers alighted to dine. I was carried into an inn where the guard wanted me to have some dinner. But as I had no appetite, he left me in an immense room with the fireplace at each end, a chandelier pendant from the ceiling, and a little red gallery high up against the wall filled with musical instruments. Here I walked about for a long time, feeling very strange and mortally apprehensive of someone coming in and kidnapping me, for I believed in kidnappers, their exploits having frequently figured in Bessie's fireside chronicles. At last the guard returned. Once more I was stowed away in the coach. My protector mounted his own seat, sounded his hollow horn, and away we rattled over the stony street of L. The afternoon came on wet and somewhat misty. As it waned into dusk, I began to feel that we were getting very far indeed from Gateshead. We ceased to pass through towns, the country changed. Great grey hills heaved up round the horizon. As twilight deepened, we descended a valley, dark with wood, and long after night had overclouded the prospect, I heard a wild wind rushing amongst trees. Lulled by the sound, I had last dropped asleep. I had not long slumbered when the sudden cessation of motion awoke me. The coach door was open, and a person like a servant was standing at it. I saw her face and dress by the light of the lamps. Is there a little girl called Jane Eyre here?" she asked. I answered yes, and was then lifted out. My trunk was handed down, and the coach instantly drove away. I was stiff with long sitting, and bewildered with the noise and motion of the coach. Gathering my faculties, I looked about me. Rain, wind, and darkness filled the air. Nevertheless, I dimly discerned a wall before me, and a door open in it. Through this door I passed with my new guide. She shut and locked it behind her. There was now visible a house, or houses, for the building spread far, with many windows and lights burning in some. We went up a broad, pebbly path, splashing wet, and were admitted at a door. Then the servant led me through a passage into a room with a fire, where she left me alone. I stood and warmed my numbed fingers over the blaze. Then I looked round. There was no candle, but the uncertain light from the hearth showed, by intervals, papered walls, carpet, curtains, shining mahogany furniture. It was a parlour, not so spacious or splendid as the drawing room at Gateshead, but comfortable enough. I was puzzling to make out the subject of a picture on the wall, when the door opened, and an individual carrying a light entered. Another followed close behind. The first was a tall lady with dark hair, dark eyes, and a pale and large forehead. Her figure was partly enveloped in a shawl. Her countenance was grave, her bearing erect. The child is very young to be sent alone," said she, putting her candle down on the table. She considered me attentively for a minute or two, then further added. She had better be put to bed soon. She looks tired. Are you tired?" She asked, placing her hand on my shoulder. A little mum. And hungry too, no doubt. Let her have some supper before she goes to bed, Miss Miller. Is this the first time you have left your parents to come to school, my little girl?" I explained to her that I had no parents. She inquired how long they had been dead, then how old I was, what was my name, whether I could read, write, and so a little. Then she touched my cheek gently with her forefinger, and saying, she hoped I should be a good child. Dismissed me along with Miss Miller. The lady I had left might be about twenty-nine. The one who went with me appeared some years younger. The first impressed me by her voice, look, and air. Miss Miller was more ordinary, ruddy in complexion, though of a careworn countenance. Hurried in gait and action, like one who had always a multiplicity of tasks on hand. She looked, indeed, what I afterwards found, she really was, an underteacher. Led by her, I passed from compartment to compartment, from passage to passage, of a large and irregular building, till emerging from the total and somewhat dreary silence pervading that portion of the house we had traversed, we came upon the hum of many voices, and presently entered a wide long room, with great deal-tables, two at each end, on each of which burnt a pair of candles, and seated all round on benches, a congregation of girls of every age, from nine or ten to twenty. Seen by the dim light of the dips, their number to me appeared countless, though not in reality exceeding eighty. They were uniformly dressed in brown-stuff frocks of quaint fashion, and long holland pinnifalls. It was the hour of study. They were engaged in conning over their to-morrow's task, and the hum I had heard was the combined result of their whispered repetitions. Miss Miller signed to me to sit on a bench near the door, then walking up to the top of the long room, she cried out, "'Monitors, collect the lesson-books, and put them away.'" Four tall girls arose from different tables, and, going round, gathered the books and removed them. Miss Miller again gave the word of command, "'Monitors, fetch the supper-trees.'" The tall girls went out and returned presently, each bearing a tray with portions of something, I knew not what, a range thereon, and a picture of water and mug in the middle of each tray. The portions were handed round. Those who liked took a draught of the water, the mug being common to all. When it came to my turn I drank, for I was thirsty, but did not touch the food, excitement and fatigue rendering me incapable of eating. I now saw, however, that it was a thin, oaten cake shared into fragments. The meal over, prayers were read by Miss Miller, and the classes filed off, two and two upstairs. Overpowered by this time with weariness, I scarcely noticed what sort of a place the bedroom was, except that, like the schoolroom, I saw it was very long. Tonight I was to be Miss Miller's bed-fellow. She helped me to undress. When laid down I glanced at the long rows of beds, each of which was quickly filled with two occupants. In ten minutes the single light was extinguished, and amidst silence and complete darkness, I fell asleep. The night passed rapidly. I was too tired even to dream. I only once awoke to hear the wind rave in furious gusts, and the rain fall in torrents, and to be sensible that Miss Miller had taken her place by my side. When I again unclosed my eyes, a loud bell was ringing. The girls were up and dressing. Day had not yet begun to dawn, and a rush-light or two burned in the room. I too rose reluctantly. It was bitter cold, and I dressed as well as I could for shivering, and washed when there was a basin at Liberty, which did not occur soon, as there was but one basin to six girls on the stands down the middle of the room. Then the bell rang. All formed in file, two and two, and in that order descended the stairs, and entered the cold and dimly-lit schoolroom. Here prayers were read by Miss Miller. Afterward she called out, "'Form classes!' A great tumult succeeded for some minutes, during which Miss Miller repeatedly exclaimed, "'Silence!' and "'Order!' When it subsided I saw them all drawn up in four semicircles, before four chairs, placed at the four tables. All held books in their hands, and a great book, like a Bible, lay on each table before the vacant seat. A pause of some second succeeded, filled up by the low, vague hum of numbers. Miss Miller walked from class to class, hushing this indefinite sound. A distant bell tinkled. Immediately three ladies entered the room, each walked to a table and took a seat. Miss Miller assumed the fourth vacant chair, which was that nearest the door, and around which the smallest of the children were assembled. To this inferior class I was called, and placed at the bottom of it. Business now began. The day's collect was repeated, then certain texts of scripture were said, and to these succeeded a protracted reading of chapters in the Bible, which lasted an hour. By the time that exercise was terminated, day had fully dawned. The indefatigable bell now sounded for the fourth time. The classes were marshaled and marched into another room to breakfast. How glad I was to behold a prospect of getting something to eat!  The refectory was a great, low-sealed, gloomy room. On two low tables smoked basins of something hot, which, however, to my dismay, sent forth an odor far from inviting. I saw a universal manifestation of discontent when the fumes of the repast met the nostrils of those destined to swallow it. From the van of the procession, the tall girls of the first class rose the whispered words, disgusting! The porridge is burnt again! Silence!" ejaculated a voice. But not that of Miss Miller, but one of the upper teachers, a little and dark personage, subtly dressed, but of somewhat morose aspect, who installed herself at the top of one table, while a more buxom lady presided at the other. I looked in vain for her I had first seen the night before. She was not visible. Miss Miller occupied the foot of the table where I sat, and a strange, foreign-looking elderly lady, the French teacher, as I afterwards found, took the corresponding seat at the other board. A long grace was said, and a hymn sung. Then a servant brought in some tea for the teachers, and the meal began. Ravenous and now very faint, I devoured a spoonful or two of my portion without thinking of its taste. But the first edge of hunger blunted, I perceived I had got in hand a nauseous mess. Burnt porridge is almost as bad as rotten potatoes. Famine itself soon sickenes over it. The spoons were moved slowly. I saw each girl taste her food and try to swallow it, but in most cases the effort was soon relinquished. Breakfast was over, and none had breakfasted. Thanks being returned for what we had not got, and a second hymn chanted, the refectory was evacuated for the schoolroom. I was one of the last to go, and in passing the tables, I saw one teacher take a basin of the porridge and taste it. She looked at the others. All their countenances expressed displeasure, and one of them, the stout one, whispered, Abominable stuff! How shameful! A quarter of an hour passed before lessons again began, during which the schoolroom was in glorious tumult. For that space of time it seemed to be permitted to talk loud and more freely, and they used their privilege. The whole conversation ran on the breakfast, which one and all abused roundly. Poor things! It was the sole consolation they had. Miss Miller was now the only teacher in the room. A group of great girls standing about her spoke with serious and sullen gestures. I heard the name of Mr. Brocklehurst, pronounced by some lips, at which Miss Miller shook her head disapprovingly. But she made no great effort to check the general wrath, doubtless she shared in it. A clock in the schoolroom struck nine, Miss Miller left her circle and standing in the middle of the room cried, Silence, to your seats! Discipline prevailed. In five minutes the confused throng was resolved into order, and comparative silence quelled the babble clamour of tongues. The upper teachers now punctually resumed their posts, but still, all seemed to wait. Ranged on benches down the sides of the room, the eighty girls sat motionless and erect. A quaint assemblage they appeared, all with plain locks combed from their faces, not a curl visible, in brown dresses made high and surrounded by a narrow tucker about the throat, with little pockets of holland, shaped something like a Highlander's purse, tied in front of their frocks, and destined to serve the purpose of work-bag. All two wearing woolen stockings and country-made shoes, fastened with brass buckles. About twenty of those clad in this costume were full-grown girls, or rather young women. It suited them ill, and gave an air of oddity, even to the prettiest. I was still looking at them, and also at intervals examining the teachers, none of whom precisely pleased me, for the stout one was a little coarse, the dark one not a little fierce, the foreigner harsh and grotesque, and Miss Miller, poor thing, looked purple, weather-beaten, and overworked. Then as my eye wandered from face to face, the whole school rose simultaneously, as if moved by a common spring. What was the matter? I had heard no order given. I was puzzled. ere I had gathered my wits the classes were again seated, but as all eyes were now turned to one point, mine followed the general direction, and encountered the personage who had received me last night. She stood at the bottom of the long room, on the hearth, for there was a fire at each end. She surveyed the two rows of girls silently and gravely. Miss Miller approaching seemed to ask her a question, and having received her answer, went back to her place, and said aloud, "'Monitor of the first class, fetch the globes!' While the direction was being executed, the lady consulted moved slowly up the room. I suppose I have a considerable organ of veneration, for I retain yet the sense of admiring awe with which my eyes traced her steps. Only now, in broad daylight, she looked tall, fair, and shapely. Brown eyes with benignant light in their irids, and a fine penciling of long lashes round, relieved the whiteness of her large front. On each of her temples her hair, of a very dark brown, was clustered in round curls, according to the fashion of those times, when neither smooth vans nor long ringlets were in vogue.  A gold watch—watchers were not so common, then, as now—shown at her girdle. Let the reader add, to complete the picture, refined features, a complexion, if pale, clear, and a stately air and carriage, and he will have, at least, as clearly as words can give it, a correct idea of the exterior of Miss Temple, Mariah Temple, as I afterward saw the name written in a prayer-book entrusted to me to carry to church. The superintendent of Lowwood, for such was this lady, having taken her seat before a pair of globes placed on one of the tables, summoned the first class round her, and commenced giving a lesson on geography. The lower classes were called by the teachers, repetitions in history, grammar, etc., went on for an hour, writing and arithmetic succeeded, and music lessons were given by Miss Temple to some of the elder girls. The duration of each lesson was measured by the clock, which at last struck twelve. The superintendent rose. "'I have a word to address to the pupils,' said she. The tumult of cessation from lessons was already breaking forth, but it sank at her voice. She went on. "'You had this morning a breakfast which you could not eat. You must be hungry. I have ordered that a lunch of bread and cheese shall be served to all.' The teachers looked at her with a sort of surprise. "'It is to be done on my responsibility,' she added, in an explanatory tone to them, and immediately afterwards left the room. The bread and cheese was presently brought in and distributed to the high delight and refreshment of the whole school. The order was now given, to the garden. Each put on a coarse straw bonnet, with strings of coloured calico and a cloak of grey frieze. I was similarly equipped, and following the stream I made my way into the open air. The garden was a wide enclosure, surrounded with walls so high as to exclude every glimpse of prospect. A covered veranda ran down one side, and broad walks bordered a middle space divided into scores of little beds. These beds were assigned as gardens for the pupils to cultivate, and each bed had an owner. When full of flowers they would doubtless look pretty, but now, at the latter end of January, all was wintry blight and brown decay. I shuddered as I stood and looked round me. It was an inclement day for outdoor exercise. Not positively rainy, but darkened by a drizzling yellow fog, all underfoot was still soaking wet with the floods of yesterday. The stronger among the girls ran about and engaged in active games, but sundry pale and thin ones herded together for shelter and warmth in the veranda, and amongst these, as the dense mist penetrated to their shivering frames, I heard frequently the sound of a hollow cough. As yet I had spoken to no one, nor did anybody seem to take notice of me. I stood lonely enough, but to that feeling of isolation I was accustomed. It did not oppress me much. I leaned against a pillar of the veranda, drew my grey mantle close about me, and tried to forget the cold which nipped me without, and the unsatisfied hunger which gnawed me within, to live it myself up to the employment of watching and thinking. My reflections were too undefined and fragmentary to merit record. I hardly yet knew where I was. Gateshead and my past life seemed floated away to an immeasurable distance. The present was vague and strange, and of the future I could form no conjecture. I looked round the convent like a garden, and then up at the house, a large building, half of which seemed grey and old, the other half quite new. The new part, containing the school-room and dormitory, was lit by mullioned and lattice windows, which gave it a church-like aspect. A stone tablet over the door bore this inscription. Lowwood Institution. This portion was rebuilt A.D., by Naomi Brockelhurst of Brockelhurst Hall, in this county. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. SAFE MATHEW, V. XVI. I read these words over and over again. I felt that an explanation belonged to them, and was unable fully to penetrate their import. I was still pondering the significance of institution, and endeavouring to make out a connection between the first words and verse of scripture, when the sound of a cough close behind me made me turn my head. I saw a girl sitting on a stone bench near. She was bent over a book, on the perusal of which she seemed intent. From where I stood I could see the title. It was Rassilis, a name that struck me as strange, and consequently attractive. In turning a leaf, she happened to look up, and I said to her directly, Is your book interesting? I had already formed the intention of asking her to lend it to me some day. I like it, she answered, after a pause of a second or two, during which she examined me. What is it about? I continued. I hardly know where I found the hardyhood thus to open a conversation with a stranger. The step was contrary to my nature and habits, but I think her occupation touched a chord of sympathy somewhere, for I too liked reading, though of a frivolous and childish kind, I could not digest or comprehend the serious or substantial. You may look at it," replied the girl, offering me the book. I did so. A brief examination convinced me that the contents were less taking than the title. Rassilis looked dull to my trifling taste. I saw nothing about fairies, nothing about geni, no bright variety seemed spread over the closely printed pages. I returned it to her. She received it quietly, and without saying anything, she was about to relapse into her former studious mood. Again I ventured to disturb her. Can you tell me what the writing on that stone over the door means? What is a low-wood institution? This house where you are come to live. And why do they call it an institution? Is it in any way different from other schools? It is partly a charity school. You and I and all the rest of us are charity children.   Both died before I can remember. Well, all the girls here have lost either one or both parents, and this is called an institution for educating orphans. Do we pay no money? Do they keep us for nothing? We pay, or our friends pay, fifteen pounds a year for each. Then why do they call us charity children? Because fifteen pounds is not enough for board and teaching, and the deficiency is supplied by subscription. Who subscribes? Different benevolent-minded ladies and gentlemen in this neighbourhood and in London. Who is Naomi Brocklehurst? The lady who built the new part of this house is that tablet records, and whose son overlooks and directs everything here. Why? Because he is treasurer and manager of the establishment. Then this house does not belong to that tall lady who wears a watch, and who said we were to have some bread and cheese. To Miss Temple? Oh, no! I wish it did. She has to answer to Mr. Brocklehurst for all she does. Mr. Brocklehurst buys all our food and all our clothes. Does he live here? No. Two miles off at a large hall. Is he a good man? He is a clergyman, and is said to do a great deal of good. Did you say that tall lady was called Miss Temple? Yes. And what are the other teachers called? The one with red cheeks is called Miss Smith. She attends to the work, and cuts out, for we make our own clothes, off-rocks and polices and everything, and the little one with black hair is Miss Scatchard. She teaches history and grammar, and hears the second-class repetitions, and the one who wears a shawl, and has a pocket handkerchief tied to her side with a yellow ribbon, is Madame Pirot. She comes from Lille, in France, and teaches French. Do you like the teachers? Well enough. Do you like the little black one, and the Madame—I cannot pronounce her name as you do—Miss Scatchard is hasty. You must take care not to offend her. Madame Pirot is not a bad sort of person. But Miss Temple is the best, isn't she? Miss Temple is very good, and very clever. She is above the rest, because she knows far more than they do. Have you been long here? Two years. Are you an orphan?  Are you happy here? You ask rather too many questions. I have given you enough answers for the present. Now I want to read. But at that moment the summons sounded for dinner, all re-entered the house. The odor which now filled the refectory was scarcely more appetising than that which had regaled our nostrils at breakfast. The dinner was served in two huge tin-plated vessels, whence rose a strong steam redolent of rancid fat. I found the mess to consist of indifferent potatoes and strange shreds of rusty meat, mixed and cooked together. Of this preparation a tolerably abundant plateful was apportioned to each pupil. I ate what I could, and wondered within myself whether every day's fare would be like this. After dinner we immediately adjourned to the school-room, lessons recommenced, and were continued till five o'clock. The only marked event of the afternoon was that I saw the girl with whom I had conversed in the veranda dismissed and disgraced by Miss Scatchard from a history-class, and sent to stand in the middle of the large school-room. The punishment seemed to me in high degree ignominious, especially for so great a girl. She looked thirteen or upwards. I expected she would show signs of great distress and shame, but to my surprise she neither wept nor blushed. Composed though grave, she stood the central mark of all eyes. How can she bear it so quietly, so firmly? I asked myself, were I in her place? It seems to me I should wish the earth to open and swallow me up. She looks as if she were thinking of something beyond her punishment, beyond her situation, of something not round her, nor before her. I have heard of daydreams. Is she in a daydream now? Her eyes have fixed on the floor, but I am sure they do not see it. Her sight seems turned in, gone down into her heart. She is looking at what she can remember, I believe, not at what is really present. I wonder what sort of a girl she is, whether good or naughty. Soon after five p.m. we had another meal, consisting of a small mug of coffee and half a slice of brown bread. I devoured my bread and drank my coffee with relish, but I should have been glad of as much more. I was still hungry. Half an hour's recreation succeeded. Then study. Then the glass of water and the piece of oat-cake, prayers, and bed. Such was my first day at Lowood. End of chapter 5