So, this topic about nurturing spirituality in teenagers' lives in the teenage home, I actually have not written an article on this topic and I've never given a talk on this topic, so it was a, but it is a topic that's very dear to my heart and I've been doing what I always do before I write any piece or give any talk. I've been crowdsourcing, which is I have been going to parents and families that I really respect and trust and admire who have a proven track record for how they've raised their own families and asking their advice for what they would share with people about spirituality for our teenagers and how to nurture it. And so, as I was speaking to these parents and these families, I noticed that three main themes have kind of come out for in order for us to set ourselves up for success when it comes to teenagers and nurturing their spirituality. So those are the three major themes that I'm going to be going over with you today. So before we begin, I would highly recommend that everybody have either a pen or a pencil and some paper to take notes because I will be sharing names and titles of books and podcasts and websites. And so I know people are going to want to jot them down and you won't want to be scrambling for a pen at that time. So just be prepared ahead of time. Okay. So before we begin, the first thing we need to do is define our terms like what even what is spirituality when we say that we want to nurture spirituality for our children? What does it mean? What does it not mean? And so I want to make it clear that what I'm talking about today is not about how to teach your children religion. It's not about teaching them rules and teaching them fit and sharia. Ideally, that there should have been a foundation laid for that building up to the teenagers. When I'm talking about spirituality, it's about that connection with the divine that we all have all children have all teenagers have all human beings have. And it says God consciousness, which some in Arabic often gets defined as God consciousness. It's having your glasses on, as we say, like looking towards the Akhira, looking towards Allah's pleasure, looking towards accountability, knowing that we have to answer for our lives here on Earth one day and that there is a record that's being kept. It's the Christians have this bumper sticker that they like to put on their cars called W.W.J.D. What would Jesus do? So just thinking, you know, they think what would Jesus do in the situation? We would be thinking what would Allah SWT want from me in the situation? What would the Prophet Salam do? So this is all elements of spirituality that we have in us. Now the question is how do we nurture that? How do we bring it out in the years 13 through 19, which is a very, very exciting time. I have three sons, Mashallah. My eldest is 24 years old now. My middle one is 22 years old. And my youngest, the baby of our family is 17, he'll be 18, inshallah, in another couple of months, inshallah. So I've had quite a bit of experience dealing with teenage boys in the home. And Mashallah had many, many nieces and nephews around that age. And I also have students that I have been teaching over the past 30 years now. And many of my students now are married and have children of their own, alhamdulillah. So spirituality is not what is very, very popular these days in the world. The field of spirituality, where it's just about having a certain look. It's about using a certain kind of language. It's about reciting poetry. That can be an offshoot of spirituality. But like I explained spirituality, the way I'm defining it today for the purposes of our discussion, inshallah, is a connection to the divine and having an awareness of your Lord and Creator. So talking to these parents, how do we nurture spirituality? The number one thing every single family told me is that the foundation that you have to have in order to be able to nurture spirituality during the teenage years is looking at your own relationship with your children, that it should be healthy, it should be functional, it should be a respectful relationship.  And they are learning a lot from what they see coming from you. So Imam Ali, Radhi Allah Juan, who he has a famous hadith that I'm going to paraphrase right now, and what's fascinating about his hadith is that it is completely in line with modern psychology, what we know about children's development, psychological development. So Hazrat Ali, Radhi Allah Juan, who he's talked about the three stages of parenting, and he said for the first seven years, play with your children. So zero to seven, play with your children. For the second seven years, teach your children. So seven to 14 is when you teach them, you're teaching them their fiqh, you're teaching them sharia, you're teaching them adab, you're teaching them the do's and the don'ts of the religion, you're teaching them how to think about Allah swt. And then he said, the third seven years, you're their friend. So the first seven years you play with them, the second seven years you teach them, the third seven years you're their friend. You befriend them, meaning you have a respectful relationship.  You're there as a guide. And he said that after that, you let them go. So that's around age 21, and inshallah, inshallah, Allah swt has put those fiqh in our efforts. Inshallah, they will hopefully be on a path that we had been hoping for the entire time that we were working with them. So the stage that we're talking about today is that stage of the third stage, which is when you are their friend, so 14 to 21. And what I've seen in my time of raising my sons, and many of my friends have noticed this as well, is that around the age of 14, it's actually very difficult to start introducing anything new. So whatever routines and patterns and rhythm you have established over the years in your family, that's kind of what you're just continuing through these years. And it's become kind of the habit, the routine in the home. But to all of a sudden, try to introduce something new and say, OK, we're going to start being religious now or we're going to start taking on this act of the Bada, honestly, unless the kids are motivated to do that on their own or they've been inspired from somewhere from a teacher or from a lecture or a book that they might have read, it's hard to get kids to take that on because you as a parent are now saying that this is something that we need to be doing. So keep that in mind that that patterns get established kind of up until age 14 and now you're going to be in maintenance mode. Now, when we look at our relationship with our teenagers, it's really important to take stock and see where are we at? What does our relationship look like? And the way you work on having a successful relationship with your teenager is that you bring those qualities to your relationship, to your friendship that you would bring really honestly to any adult that you were trying to be friend that you wanted a relationship and a connection with. So what is that going to entail? What does that kind of relationship look like? Well, here's what doesn't work. I'm going to start with what doesn't work and then we'll go into what does work, inshallah. So and as I'm going through this list, all of us should be looking at ourselves and thinking, OK, is this something that I'm trying to do and have seen that it's failing? Is this something that I've been doing and I'm actually seeing success from it? So the first thing that pretty much all of us parents of teenagers know and we learn it the hard way is that lecturing and nagging is useless. It doesn't work. Lecturing and nagging does not work. Recently, I observed a grandmother who was in a car with her grown adult children and pretty much the entire drive, she was literally nagging her children, telling them what they need to do, what they need to improve, what they need to be working on.  And at one point, one of them laughed and said, Oh poor mama, you're always trying to help us. You're always trying to fix us and make us better. And it must be so heartbreaking to see that it doesn't really work. You don't get anywhere with all the lecturing. They didn't use the word lecturing because that would have been disrespectful, but that's what they meant that with all the lecturing and the nagging, you're not really getting anywhere. And the mom said, well, it's my job. It's my job to tell you when I see things that aren't good about you, like I need to point it out to you because only a mother can do that and you need to know this. And so one of the adult children asked her, in all sincerity, have you ever seen it work? And she said, what do you mean to have you ever seen it work where your lecturing and your nagging has actually gotten you the results that you've desired, desired where a person actually changes who they are and how they are because of the constant reminders. And the grandmother sat there and thought about it for a bit. And then she actually realized she didn't have any examples. She kept saying, I'm going to come up with an example where it has worked, but she wasn't able to. And so I think there's a very deep truth there that you may get instant results where like if you're nagging somebody to clean something up, yeah, they may clean it up for you to make you happy in that moment. But does it make them a clean person? Does it make them a neat and tidy person? No, it doesn't. So lecturing and nagging is useless. The second thing is getting angry is useless because what happens with when we lose our temper with our teenagers and we're unhappy with what we're seeing in them, honestly, we're only making ourselves feel better by getting out of anger. If what we're actually looking for is results in our teenagers, then it's pointless because getting angry doesn't work. You don't see long term results. You only see short term results where somebody may act in the moment. But you don't actually get the long term results that you're hoping for. The other thing that doesn't work is comparing kids. And I have learned this the hard way because, Mashallah, we've been very blessed in that my sons have had very, very amazing and very impressive friends who I really admire and respect. And as my kids were growing up, I would sometimes point out the really good qualities and the other children basically saying, why can't you be more like them? Even if I didn't use that language, they thought the messaging that I was kind of hoping that they would be more like their friends were impressing me. And the truth is that backfires. What comparing children does is it engenders bitterness in your children. And it also unfortunately damages their relationships with their friends, who they probably had no problems with before, but now because they know that their parents are holding their friends up or their cousins up on a pedestal and they themselves are realized that they're being seen down here. It can affect their relationship and you don't ever want to be the reason for any negativity in their personal friendships. OK, and then criticizing.  It's not from the sunnah. That's all we need to know. Anas radi Allahu Anhu was in the Prophet Salam's home for 10 years. He grew up from as a from a child to a young adult. And so we have learned a lot about what the Prophet Salam was like with young people from his hadiths, from the stories and anecdotes that he's told us. And he said that in the ten years that he lived with the Prophet Salam, the Prophet Salam never got angry with him, never criticized him. Right? He always treated him with respect. And so that's an important example for us to learn from. OK, so what does work in creating a healthy relationship? Gentle reminders. So obviously, as parents, it is our job to guide our children. Shekharas Robani gave a really good analogy. He said, we're not policemen and we're not judges when it comes to our children, but we're more like shepherds. Right? And as shepherds, we want to gently guide and nudge our children to where we want them to go. So gentle reminders like the Prophet Salam when Anas radi Allahu Anhu was sent on a chore on a task by the Prophet Salam, he was on his way and he got busy playing with some neighborhood children. And he forgot about the task that he was supposed to do. And the Prophet Salam came looking for him at one point, saw him busy playing on the street. And instead of getting angry and losing his temper and saying, why do you do this thing that I asked you to do? How could you forget? Gave him a gentle reminder in the form of a question. He asked him, did you take care of that such and such thing that I had asked you to do? And Anas radi Allahu Anhu realized that he had it and, you know, apologized and was quickly on his way, taking care of what he needed to do. So a gentle reminder. What else?  Something that I like to do is, you know, you asking your children, which hat do you want me to be wearing right now? Do you want me to just be wearing my listening hat? Like where I'm just listening to what you have to say and not, you know, jumping in with my opinions or my thoughts? Or do you want me to be wearing my advising hat? Like, are you actually looking for advice? Because sometimes kids share things with us simply because they want to vent. They don't really want to hear a lecture. They don't want to hear every opinion that you have. They just want to be able to hear themselves processing their own thoughts. And so talking to your kids and saying that, you know, what is it exactly that you need for me? Because I want to make sure that I'm giving you what you need. And then responding accordingly. So sometimes that might mean you're just listening. And sometimes it might mean that you are actually giving them your advice and your opinions on how best they can handle their particular situation. And that shows respect that you're giving them time and space before jumping in with your own personal opinions. Another thing is for you to build a positive relationship with your children is to share in what they want to do. So, you know, watching movies with them, watching TV with them, if that's something that they do, playing sports with them, playing video games with them. That'll give you an idea of what's going on in those video games as well. Going hiking with them, going outdoors with them, things that they're passionate about and are excited about, participating in that with them and offering opportunities to do those things. A lot of times the kids are going to want to do it on their own or with their friends. But you can also provide opportunities to do it as a family and to do it where you're involved with them as well. Kids appreciate it when they know that their parents are interested in what they're doing. In the teenage years, kids are really excited about the Niawi things. You're not going to see them being super excited about religious things. That's where we're going to have to share our excitement about the things that we're passionate about that we want to share. But if you find out what your kids are excited about and what they're passionate about, if you really, really dig deeply, you will be able to find some element of the divine in that thing that they are passionate about. So and you can get the kids to even you know, gently, you can get them to think about things in spiritual terms and to reflect on the divine. So, for example, I have a friend whose son has gotten really into skateboarding recently, he's very passionate about it and he spends hours practicing and going to skate parks and, you know, getting the appropriate clothing and investing his money in his skateboard. So it's not something that my friend was really comfortable with. It's not something she grew up with. It's not common in her culture.  So she's obviously she's talked to her son about that, about their clear boundaries about what's allowed and what's not allowed. But at the same time, she's taking an interest in his skateboarding. She goes and she watches them every now and then. She sees videos that he has to share about famous skateboarders. And then she talks to him about how it's so amazing that Allah has put this drive in him, that he's getting passionate about something, about the idea of balance, of how you're able to balance yourself on a skateboard. And another thing she's able to share with him is about the prayer that we do for traveling, right, the Subhanallah, the Sakhirah, the Havera, the Maqana, the Humuddinin, the Nailah, the Munkalibun. That's a prayer that we do whenever we get in a car, right, go driving anywhere. And so the translation of that dua, she shared with him, is glory unto him who created this transportation for us, though we are unable to create it on our own. And unto our Lord, we shall return. That's it's really beautiful to be able to point out to children that look during the time of the Prophet, when he said this dua, they only had donkeys and camels and horses to use as transportation.  Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala said who created this transportation for us because look what came around in the future. We've got jet planes, we've got rocket ships, we've got cars, we've got motorcycles, we've got elevators. We can do this dua on an elevator, we can do it on a ferris wheel. We can do it on a skateboard. Right? This dua applies even to riding a skateboard. So be sure to do this dua when you get on your skateboard, because I want you to always be safe. So reminding the children about the miracle of our religion and tying their passions back in some way that doesn't come across as lecturing and nagging, but actually comes out as a sense of complete sense of awe, like, wow, this is so amazing. And sharing that joy with your children so that they want to share and continue wanting to share with you. One of the things my friend said to me, the one whose son is a skateboarder is that she said, we need to give our kids a space to develop their relationship with the divine in ways that may not be outwardly Islamic. Right? It may not be like we might imagine our kids being spiritual being that they have long beards, you know, our sons have long beards, our daughters are wearing hijabs and abayas and they're going to the masjid and they have a miss behind their hand. And there's a certain idea we have in our head of what it looks like to be spiritual, but spirituality can be really in the in the daily minutia of life, thinking about your Lord, thinking about your creator and reflecting on his majesty and reflecting on him with awe and joy and complete love. Right? So it's going to be important, especially those of us who are from different cultures than the culture in which our children are growing up in, that we differentiate between culture and Islam and be comfortable with that, which may not be familiar with our culture. So, for example, my friend whose son is a skateboarder, he wanted to wear necklaces and she wasn't comfortable with that because she's not used to men wearing necklaces in her culture. However, her son was able to bring it back to her that, you know, he's not wearing gold, which he understands would be hadam. He's wearing like these wooden beads and it's a look amongst skateboarders. And unless it's specifically prohibited in the religion, she realized that she couldn't prohibit him from it and she let him know that, that, you know, we live our lives within the confines of our Sharia and our fit and, you know, more power to you.  Another friend, her son, wanted to do cornrows in his hair, you know, braids. He wanted to grow his hair out long and that was something she wasn't comfortable with. All the men in her family have always had short hair, clean military looks. But looking into the Sida, her son was able to show her that the Prophet ﷺ had long hair at one point. His hair would touch his shoulder that there were times the Prophet ﷺ braided his hair. So, again, bringing back your life and your the daily things that you want to do and seeing how they connect to your Lord and Creator and how they connect to the Sunnah and to the Prophet ﷺ. That's what we want to get our kids to be able to do. So just keep in mind that there isn't one look. There isn't just one look for what a good Muslim looks like, right? That's going to be important to keep in mind and that we have to grow with our children. We can't be static. We're going to see that our children are going to go through different phases and we're going to have to grow with them. And unless what they're doing is out and out Haram, we're going to have to give them the space to experiment and figure things out for themselves. Okay. Another thing for building your relationship with your children is going to be enjoying their passions, earning their trust and inserting the concept of balance. It's very easy for children in the teenage years. I keep calling them children, but they're actually young adults at this point. It's very easy for teenagers to lose that sense of balance where they get so excited about one thing that's going on in their lives that they forget about all the other different areas that also need to be given attention. So in our family, we would have a family meeting once a week because in the teenage years, you see kids are running in different directions and it's hard to match up our schedules. So we would have a family meeting once a week where we would sit and talk about the things that were important, things that needed to be done, things that needed to be addressed. And one of the things was talking about the six different areas of our life, of our lives that we need to make sure that we're addressing on a weekly basis. So those six different needs. One is religion and spirituality. So we would talk to our kids about beyond the five prayers and reading some Quran every day. What are you doing to serve your religion and serve your need for spirituality? And so for every one of our kids, that might look like something different. For one kid, it might be attending a certain verse. For another kid, it might be going to a special zikr gathering that happens in our community. For another kid, it might be going to a halakka, but something in addition to the prayers that would be feeding the need to serve his spirituality that was going on in his life. The second area in our lives that we had to address was our health and our bodies. So making sure that our bodies have rights over us and that we're addressing them. So whether it's going to the gym, whether it's playing the sport, whether it's just going for a walk every single day, making sure that you're getting fresh air and exercise. The third area is academics and school.  The fourth area is your career, building skills, maybe getting an internship or learning a trade. So something where you're earning money, you're investing in your future, you're learning something for the career trajectory that you're hoping to take off on. The fifth area is community. So giving back to the community. Our children chose different areas. It could be going to serve the homeless, it could be volunteering at the Masjid, it could be tutoring underprivileged children. I know that there was a mom in our community whose son was hitting the Quran and she needed somebody to review Quran with him. So one of my kids took that on where he would review Quran with him and play basketball with him. So that was his idea of giving back to the community. Another child led the Halaka, the local Masjid. So making sure that you're involved in the community and are giving back in some way. And then the sixth area of your life that you have to be addressing is family. So something for your family. So whether it's making sure that we meet at least once a week, if not more, for a family meal, whether it's Sunday morning brunch or family dinners or taking a class together as a family, but making sure that we have time for the family. So those were the six needs for a balanced life. So making sure that we address that with our children, that they are finding balance. Okay, now I want to talk to you about the four qualities of parenting. They're going to be Arabic terms that I'm going to share with you. And so these four qualities are first, there's fitra. Fitra is our primordial nature. So children are born on the fitra, right? Children are born with a longing to worship, a longing to know Allah's upon a dollar. And the Prophet Salam said that children start to move away from fitra at around, around age two. So they're born on fitra around age two. Children start to move away from that. The second quality of parenting is though taste. Experiential tasting of a connection with Allah's upon a dollar. A child's wonderment and longing for a connection to the creator is a sign for this. And you're going to see this in ages two to five. Two to five is when you're going to especially age five. I remember when my son was about to turn five, a friend who had older children told me, watch at age five, he's going to start asking you a lot of questions about Allah's upon a dollar. So be prepared. And she was absolutely right around age five is when kids start asking about Allah, about us, about where we go after we die, about angels. They have lots of questions. They love learning about stories of the prophets, learning about stories of the the pious predecessors. So this is the time to start introducing all of that to the kids. It's a good time to introduce the term subhanAllah to our children to keep them tied to their fitra. So anytime they see something beautiful like a rainbow or flower blooming, you know, subhanAllah, look at that. Allah created this for us to enjoy. So keeping children tied to their fitra. The third quality of parenting is though, which means longing. So the creation has a longing for the creator and kids show this longing for the divine at the teenage state. If, inshallah, we as parents have done everything right as far as nurturing their spirituality up until there. Adolescence, you guys, is a made up term. It's a made up concept. Traditionally, we Muslims have seen children go from childhood to adulthood.  Of course, he's going to take his dad's car without permission and crash it. Or, of course, he's going to experiment with alcohol. He's only 16, he's only 17. That's not how Muslims have thought. Muslims have always thought of 16, 17, 18 year old men as men. These were men who were leading armies. These are men who were starting families. So the idea that there's a stage between childhood and young adulthood where kids are still like a child, but they're grown men's, in grown men's bodies, that is far into Muslims. And we don't encourage that. The idea that 25 year old kids are sitting around playing video games at all and not going out and working in the world is something very foreign to Muslim parents. So teenage years have an immense capacity for a connection to Allah, Subhanallah. And what you're going to see in the teenage years are teens are going to either throw themselves into something problematic or they're going to throw themselves into something fair, something beneficial. There's a lot of passion at this age. And I talked to you about that earlier in the example of my friend whose son was in skateboarding. If they don't have a halal channel to put their passions into, then unfortunately they will put those passions into a halal channel. So it's going to be important for us as parents to facilitate the halal for them. So I really was impressed with what if the Hajj Muhammad, the censor who went on to the Olympics, Muslim African American woman who went on to the Olympics, representing the United States of America. She tells in her autobiography about how she ended up becoming a fencer. You know, she was really passionate about sports and she wanted to get out there and she wanted to do physical exercise. And her mom was one day walking by a fencing studio and she saw these kids involved in fencing and she saw that they were covered from head to toe. Their clothing was modest and there's no physical touching with the body. It's only with these, you know, these swords or spears or whatever they're called, lances. So the mom said, OK, let's try this out. And that's how if the Hajj Muhammad got into that sport and really did well in it and flourished. So, you know, I have a nephew who got really passionate about singing and wanted to learn how to play an instrument. So his parents facilitated for him to take lessons on how to play the duff. And he is now a quite an accomplished duff player. And he likes to sing machines.  So a lot of creativity is needed at this age and a lot of mentoring, too. You're going to have to get good mentors for your kids, people that you admire and respect and create those connections with your children. And then the fourth quality of Muslim parenting is in shock, which means relationship. And we develop this relationship with Allah's Panathala and the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam through interactions and through study, right? We kids need to learn their fit, their sacred rulings and they need to learn their Aqdaida, their theology and their creed. And it's really hard in the teenagers to tell your kids you need to learn this, go do it. That has to actually be done through the seven through 14 years stage, but I don't want anyone to despair if they haven't done that and feel like, oh, it's too late for my kids. There are ways to facilitate, even in the teenagers, but what it's going to require is that you as a family do it together. So you as a family together, taking a fit class and learning your fit, or you as a family together, taking a theology class and learning your Aqdaida. Some websites that I would highly recommend, Seeker's Guidance, definitely is one, Seeker's Guidance. It's a website run out of Canada. And there's a lot of classes on that website that you can take for free. You can take Hanafi fit classes. You can take parenting classes on that website. Then another organization that's doing really good work is called basidaeducation.org, basidaeducation.org. It's spelled B-A-S-I-R-A, education.org. And there's an excellent, excellent class on there called Why Islam Is True? Why Islam Is True? And Sheikh Hamza Karamali, he's made it his life's mission, masha'Allah, to teach young adults and teach young adults who are leaning towards atheism or agnosticism about Islam and why Islam is true. And he goes through it very, very logically. And he's able to break down very, what seemed like very complicated arguments against religion and get kids to really come full circle and come back to their Dima Shala. I've seen it happen again and again. So I highly recommend that if your teenagers are starting to question the being and starting to have doubts or was was that that you as a family take this class called Why Islam Is True on basidaeducation.org. Okay, I'm just looking at my notes, so don't mind me for a moment. Okay, one thing that's really important that many of these families told me is that spirituality is not something you teach, it's something that you model. And so the kids have to see it coming from you and they need to see that spirituality is part of your life. So it's in how you view the world. It's in how you speak. It's how you respond to tests and trials and tribulations. And it's your gratitude. It's your patience, right? Your shukr and your suburb. It's your thakwa, your God consciousness. It's your thawakgal, it's your trust in Allah. When your kids see you responding to life with all of those elements, then they are going to see spirituality and Shala being modeled for them. And we have to be working on our own spirituality. We can't be asking our children to take the medicine unless we're also taking the same medicine, right? We have to show them that this is a lifelong journey. And as one dad said to me, Hina, it's a marathon, not a sprint, right? We're not just running through life like this. We're going from one goal to the next, one goal to the next, one goal to the next. And what you have to realize, especially if there are parents out there who are feeling sad or disappointed in what they're seeing in their teenagers right now, to realize that what you're witnessing is only a moment in their lives. It's not the full story. The story isn't complete yet, right? There's a whole journey that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has written for your children. And you happen to be witnessing that one moment. And so you now are witnessing that moment and you know what you need to be making du'a for. And you know what you need to be doing on your end to help facilitate success, inshallah. But you don't get to make your kids choices for them, right? They have to be making the choices on their own. And that's what you wanna be modeling for them. It's good choices, inshallah. So just remember, spirituality is not taught through books and lectures. It's taught by seeing it being modeled for you, by real life teachers and parents and elders and mentors. I asked one of my sons, I said, what would you, what do you think? I'm sorry, I have this hijab pulling back and it's bothering me. I asked one of my sons, what would you advise that I share with families, parents who want to know how to nurture spirituality in their children? He had one sentence.  That's it.  So don't tell your kids that they shouldn't do liba if you're doing liba. Don't tell your children that it's wrong to tell lies.  So it doesn't mean don't give your children good advice. It means we need to be implementing that advice in our own lives as well. Okay. So how do we develop the relationship with the divine and the teenagers? So the first thing we talked about is your own relationship with your children. You need to be working on that. A really good book that I recommend parents to read is called Hold On to Your Kids. It's an excellent book, Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. It's by Gabor Mate. His last name is spelled M-A-T-E. Highly recommend that book. So Hold On to Your Kids. Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. And then the second, oh, and one thing a scholar here in the Bay Area told us, he said your children are being influenced in three areas at all times. They're being influenced in the street, which means they're social lives, right? They're friends. So they're being influenced in the street. They're being influenced in the home. So where they are with you. And they're being influenced in their schools. The street, the home, the school. And he said, you need to be winning in two out of three. Two out of three of those areas you need to be winning. So a book that will teach you how to win in two, at least two out of those three areas, if not all three is Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. All right, so first thing you work on, your relationship with your kids. The second thing you need to work on is your own home environment. What is your home space like for your children? And a scholar here in the Bay Area, he, we asked him once, we said, you know, the world is so crazy. There's so much fit now there. There's so many trials and tribulations. What's right, what's wrong is being taught is right. What's right is being taught is wrong now. The world just feels upside down. How do we protect our kids with what's happening out there? And he said, you know, with every storm that Allah swt has created, with every hurricane, every tornado, he's created the eye of the storm, the eye of the tornado, the hurricane, that's in the center. And in that eye, everything is very calm and it's very still and it's very peaceful. Everything around it is going crazy, but in the center, there's a space of calm. He said, your home needs to be the eye in that storm, that hurricane that's going on around us. Your home needs to be the place where Allah swt obeyed, where children are respected, where people treat each other with respect and there's peace in the home environment. So how should the home environment be in order to nurture spirituality? Well, Allah swt should definitely be obeyed in the home. There shouldn't be outward masya, you know, disobedience to Allah swt. So you shouldn't be having gatherings or parties or get-togethers in which people are doing hadam things. You know, I know there's a whole spectrum of parents out there listening to this talk. So there may be people out there who have parties in which there's mixed dancing or in which people are allowed to bring alcohol or in which alcohol is served. Even if you yourself don't drink alcohol, that doesn't work. That doesn't work when you want to teach your children spirituality to be doing things that are contrary to what our Dean teaches us. So fiqh and sharia needs to be obeyed in the home. There needs to be peace in the home. Prayer needs to be a priority when possible, try and pray together in jamat, in congregation. Play nasheeds on the stereo system. Play the Quran on the stereo system. The angels will bless the home. Recite Quran yourself. Let your children see you reciting Quran on a daily basis. Keep in mind it's not about the quantity of time that you spend with your children. It's about the quality of time that you spend with your children. So make sure that whatever time you do spend with your children, even if it's only a little bit, due to busy schedules, that it's rich in quality. Mentors are very, very important in the teenage years. Sometimes our kids can hear things from mentors that they can't hear from us. So, but what's going to be important is that you're not outsourcing spirituality. You're not outsourcing religion. It has to be something you're practicing. Other people can supplement what you're teaching at home, but they can't be the primary influencers in your children's lives. The primary influence needs to be you, right? At Elm Tree, the Hope School and Co-op that we began, we had a father who was applied. He wanted to enroll his children in our co-op. And what he said to my husband was, I'm not religious, but I want my children to be religious.  I like the way your children have turned out. So I want my kids to be in Elm Tree. That's very noble of him. And Insha'Allah, may Allah SWT reward him for his intentions, but that's not how it works. It doesn't work to have other people doing the work for you or to have other people doing the influencing for you. You are your children's primary influence. So if you have to be the change that you wanna see, right? That's an old quote and it's a very true quote.  So you can't check out, right? That's what I always tell parents. You can't check out and think, my job is done. They have a good Sunday school teacher. They have a good Halukah leader. They have a good Quran teacher. I can now check out. I don't need to be worrying about teaching them anything. Give your children religious experiences in the teenage years. And of course, this is gonna be based on whatever your budget is, right? Everybody has different limitations and different constraints. So based on whatever your budget is, take your children on Umrah. Take them on youth retreats that are organized. Make it a point to vacation with like-minded families who are religious but who are also fun, whose company your children will enjoy. You'll be very surprised by how much the kids absorb by conversations that happen around them. And if you are friends with people who have rich discussions and who are very mindful about the things that they talk about, your kids are gonna benefit as well. Be involved in a religious community. Don't disconnect from the community. Our Oma has a lot of problems, a lot of issues. We know that sometimes it can be very disheartening, but there's a lot of benefit in the community as well. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the lone sheep is the one that gets attacked by the wolf, right? So it's important to stay with the group. And Allah's hand is over the group. We are told. So definitely stay with the group. Go the extra mile to facilitate friendships, to facilitate good friendships. I know of a family who has only one child and they weren't able to have it other children. And they have made it a point to facilitate vacations in which they facilitate hosting people on really nice vacations with their family so that their child will have good company. Now, that's not something everybody can do obviously, but it's an example of going the extra mile, you know, driving that long distance if you have to to make sure that your kids are able to have good company. Overnight extreme changes can be really, really hard. So that's not something you should be trying to bring up in the teenagers where all of a sudden you're like, okay kids, we're going to start being religious today. That doesn't work. And you're not going to see much success with that. But you can have a practice session during Ramadan, right? Ramadan is the time that naturally the schedule's changing, our priorities change. Alhamdulillah, inshallah. People are more spiritual during the month of Ramadan. So we can start taking things on during Ramadan and then try to hold on to certain things once Ramadan leaves us. So whether it's praying in Jama'at, whether it's the daily habit of reading Quran, whether it's doing du'a together at the time when we break our fast. So maybe at that maqrib time, you know, doing du'a as a family. I know some parents have established a routine in their home that they don't pray all their prayers in Jama'at, but they make it a point of praying maqrib in Jama'at. And then after maqrib prayer, the father would just share one hadith from a book or he would share one story from Riyadh-e-Saleheen at night before the teenagers went to bed. Riyadh-e-Saleheen is the collection of stories about the Sahabah. And so we're learning from the best people. So just remember, you need consistency. Whatever you take on, it needs to be consistent. It can't just be a one-off, that like one day I'm going to be teaching you about pious predecessors, but then that's it. After that, we never talk about it again. Take on something small and then build on it and do it consistently. And be mindful of your teenager's time because teenagers are very busy. They're like trying to figure out how to get into college. They're in different clubs. They're in the school clubs. They're different sports, different organizations. They have different things pulling at them. So keeping in mind those six areas of balance, insert yourself into one of those areas at least, you know, whether it's the family or whether it's the religion, and bringing what you need to your teenagers at that time. Okay, and oh, another thing that can be very beneficial is listening to podcasts together. So I like to listen to podcasts while I'm cooking. And so if my kids happen to be around, they end up hearing things and really getting some gems also on long drives. We can play podcasts in the car. Some podcasts, I'd like to recommend Sheikh Yasir Qadi has a podcast right now about the Seedah, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Excellent Seedah to listen to. You're not gonna want it to end and you're gonna end up learning a lot. So Yasir Qadi, Y-A-S-I-R, last name Q-A-D-H-I, Q-A-D-H-I, and you can look up his podcast which is about the Seedah, S-E-E-R-A-H. Sheikh Hamza Yusuf has a podcast that I enjoy a lot called Sacred Text Messages. A lot of his episodes are about the Quran and I've been learning a lot from it. And my kids have also commented on some really powerful things they've managed to learn from hearing him in the background while they've been doing other things and I've had this podcast playing. So it's called Sacred Text Messages. Sacred Text Messages and that's Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, last name spelled Y-U-S-U-L. And then one of my sons is listening to a podcast that he is really enjoying by Dr. Omar Suleiman, Imam Omar Suleiman. His last name is spelled S-U-L-E-I-M-A-N, S-U-L-E-I-M-A-N Omar Suleiman and it's called the firsts, the firsts. So it's about the first person who did, the first child who became Muslim, the first woman who became Muslim, the first martyr in Islam. So stories about the lives of the firsts in Islam. So he's really been enjoying that quite a bit. Okay, make sure that you have spiritual sohbah of your own, whether you have shuyuf and alimas that you're inviting to your home and your kids are getting to spend time with them and learn from them. They can become your kids' mentors. And like I said, they can give your kids advice that your kids may not be willing to take from you. They might be willing to share stories. They can listen without judgment. Important to develop those friendships with your kids with spiritual sohbah of your own. But again, it'll have to be done consistently. It doesn't get done overnight. Another thing about your home environment, be appreciative of nature. Talk about Allah swt a lot when you're out in nature. Love is contagious. So share your joy when you're excited by witnessing Allah's miracles and Allah's beauty in the world. Share that with your kids. Again, not lecturing, not nagging.  Now, after your relationship and your home environment, this part will be the shortest part and inshallah I'll be wrapping it up and then we can take questions, I hope. After your relationship in your home environment, the third component that many of these parents shared with me for nurturing spirituality in your children is having ridah with your children. Rida, contentment, having contentment with your children. I touched on that a little bit before about how whatever you're witnessing with your children, it's just a moment in their lives. It's not the full story. You have to keep that in mind whether your children are doing everything right, quote unquote, the way you'd want it to be or whether they're making choices you're not happy with. And I know of an auntie here who has done an amazing job of raising her children. She has five kids. And actually, when I say she's done an amazing job, I'm talking about, I'm amazed by her relationship with her children. Now, some of her kids are outwardly very, very pious and very impressive and very inspirational. But some of her kids actually are not. And on the surface, you won't see the piety and the taqwa that you will see in some of her other children. However, what stands out is how she treats all of her children. These are all grown adults now, her children. And she was the one who shared this with us. She asked us when we were asking her, tell us a secret of raising children and how can we be successful at it? She said, what is the one thing that you want for your children? If you were gonna pick one thing, what is it that you would want for your children? And all of us said we would want our children to go to Jannatul for those, right? We want our children to earn Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala's pleasure and to one day be in Jannatul for those. And she told us then the greatest gift you can give your children is to give them your ridah, your contentment. Because Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is not going to be happy with your children if you're not happy with your children. And you need to embrace your children and love them and accept them however they are. That does not mean that you embrace or you approve Haraan choices that they're making. That's not what we're saying.  It doesn't mean that you approve. It doesn't mean that you facilitate it or you allow it to happen in your home.  And with this auntie what I saw is that all five of her kids, she treated them with the same love and respect. Whether the child was the Hafiz who was leading prayers at the masjid or whether it was the child who's smoking cigarettes and has a girlfriend and pretty much the whole community knows who's making bad choices. She still loved them and hugged them and smiled at them when she saw them. And you wouldn't be able to tell which one is her favorite if you saw her. I'm sure in her heart, she's more inclined towards the ones who are loving Allah swt all of the most but you can't see it from looking at her. And so the results are that those kids respect her and they love her and they wanna be around her. And that's a sign of having a good relationship with their children is, do your kids wanna be around you? Are they sad when you leave and are they happy when you're there? And with her I can honestly say all five of her kids or grown adult kids wanna be around her all the time. And there's a quote by the poet Maya Angelou that I really like, I'm gonna paraphrase it. But basically a question she asked is or that she said is every child wants to see when they walk into the room that your eyes light up. Every child when they walk into the room and they see their parent there what they're looking for they wanna see that their parent lights up when they see them.  Are you wincing? Are you ashamed? Are you embarrassed? Are you wishing they were different? Or are you seeing them as a creature of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala as somebody that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has written their story and you don't know how it's going to end. And your job is to teach, is to warn, is to facilitate but you don't get to make your children's choices. We don't have any control over that. So after you've done your job of teaching and facilitating you just completely embrace your children and you accept them wherever they're at whether they're dyeing their hair purple whether they're getting a tattoo whether they're giving up going to college because they say they wanna only focus on studying the Dean and maybe that's a choice that you're not totally comfortable with either.  And I have to, if this is the role I've been given by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala so I have to tell you that this path that you're on it has been known that if a person stays on this path it takes them to a bad end. It takes them to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala's displeasure and my prayer for you is that you're always on the path that's taking you to Allah's pleasure.  So that's a conversation that many of us have to have with our children and if you have a good relationship with your children even if you end up teaching spirituality very late in the game when they're older if you have a good relationship inshallah your kids will be open to listening because they'll see that oh my mom is discovering something new or my dad is discovering something new in life that's important to him or her maybe I should look at into this that what is it that they're excited about, right? And if they have a good relationship with you inshallah hopefully that will be their reaction.  So I just want to remind you to just remember that you're only witnessing one moment and the wheel is still turning and the person who's on top today can be on the bottom tomorrow and the person who's on the bottom today can be on top tomorrow. The ultimate success, the ultimate success is leaving this world with the Shahada on our lips and on our tongues and in our hearts and in our minds. And so we just keep praying for our children and I have a friend who taught all of her children correctly, she did everything right she was like a role model for us. And one day her college age son called her and said, I'm not feeling the prayer anymore I'm not feeling the theme, so I'm not praying. It's not doing anything for me. And when she told me this, she said it so calmly without freaking out about it. And I actually I was a young mom at the time and I asked her, I said, why aren't you freaking out?  How can you not be freaking out? And she said, because I have a high opinion of my Lord. She said from day one, I've been praying about my children's Iman and my children's young thing and for my children to be believers. And I don't believe that those prayers disappeared into thin air. I believe that those prayers have been heard and that they're going to be answered but they're going to be answered in a last $100 time not my time. And so I have to be patient. I have to be content with the fact that I did what was asked of me and I know that inshallah, inshallah on the day of judgment, I can stand in front of Allah and I can say I did what was asked of me. And now all I can do is just pray for my child and know that those prayers are being heard. And she kept an open door policy in her home. She and her husband and her other children continued praying, continued practicing, continued believing, continued welcoming their son into their fold but they made it clear that they were moving forward with or without him. Whether he joined them or not, they were moving forward. And eventually, alhamdulillah, a little while later, her son did end up coming back, did end up praying and not only ended up praying, ended up doing makeup prayers to make up for the time that he wasn't praying. So we need to have a very, very high opinion of our Lord. Oh, and one point, this is the last point. I wanted to say this sooner and I forgot. If you've made mistakes, and we've all made mistakes with our children, if we've lost our temper, if we didn't teach them what they needed to learn at the right time, apologize to your kids. Be willing to admit your mistakes and be willing to say, I'm sorry, I didn't know better, I screwed up, please forgive me. Our children are looking for excuses to forgive us. You have to know that. They're looking for excuses to forgive us for our mistakes. We just have to give them the opportunity to forgive us. And the way we give them that opportunity is by willing to be humble enough to say, I'm sorry, and I need your forgiveness. And letting them know about your regrets and you'll be modeling for them, inshallah, how they can one day be with their children and how they can be with Allah, right? How they can be with Allah, we're modeling for them, that any time we can turn to Allah and say, I'm sorry, I messed up and please give me another chance, I wanna do better. So I'm gonna just end with a prayer. I'm gonna read the English translation of it. It's from the put on. Let me just find it. I have it written here. It's from Surah 14, I have 40. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem. O my Lord, make me one who establishes regular prayer and also raise such among my offspring. O our Lord, and accept thou my prayer. O our Lord, cover us with thy forgiveness. Me, my parents, and all the believers on the day that the reckoning will be established. I mean, sorry I went over an hour. I don't know what the time limits are for all of you, but I'm available to answer questions. JazakAllah. JazakAllah. O my Lord, please do not apologize. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. I have made notes. I was typing all the time and I'm pretty sure everybody else was as well. So Bismillah. Allah, sister Farida and sister Amina, the floor is open to you. Please amongst yourselves, share your gems and then we can ask that sister Hina all the questions. Bismillah. Mashallah, sister Hina. I'm really, really interested. Allahumma Barak. You know, normally when I hear talks, I don't like to write it down. It gives me stress. And here I wrote pages and I even started drawing, okay? To hang it up on my wall, mashallah. This was so well researched and so much input, Allahumma Barak.  And honestly, I feel like this, after this talk, Allahumma Barak, so, Jazak, about Khair. So I found that I was actually expecting I talk about teenagers, but honestly, this was for all kids. You spoke about all ages and I'm going to implement this right from tomorrow, inshallah, for my five and six year old inshallah, showing them this picture and I'm telling them what areas we have to work in to have a balanced life, inshallah, because I think they do understand this and they can learn from this already, inshallah. Yeah, I'm just the, how much you can learn in one hour, Allahumma Barak. JazakAllah, Khair. What are you doing? Mr. Farida, would you like to add something? No, I don't know what to add, Mr. Hina, for coming today. Absolutely fantastic session. I've got an 11 year old daughter. She's an only child. So I love the idea of what you said about connecting with other families. She's often said that, oh, I'm the only one. Why don't I have a brother? Why don't I have a daughter? Why don't I have a brother? Why don't I have a sister? And if it has a mother, you kind of become the mother, the friend, quite early on rather than later on in the teenage years. This has given me a lot to think about. It's kind of building on what I'm already doing, but I absolutely love the idea. I love the madan idea as well. We tend to do things extra in Ramadan, but then it kind of stops, doesn't it? And we go back to kind of our old ways. But absolutely, you've given me lots and lots to think about. And I've been making notes. You know, I've got to go home. I've been scribbling. I love to read myself. And so does my daughter. So the books are going to be really useful. I'm definitely going to listen to those podcasts while I'm cooking or doing some face work. So it's a Zafiullah care system. So, Trayana, can you see on the screen the question? Let's see, questions. How did you find good company locally for yourself and your kids? Any tips for finding good people and families around us? Do Zafiullah have a question? Do Zafiullah have a question? Yes. I have a confession that I make which is I used to have a very different crowd of friends before I got married. Before I had children, our priorities were very different in life. And we were not very religious. I would actually say what brought out the spirituality in my husband and me was having a child and realizing subhanallah was responsible for this soul. And how are we going to do this? And there was a point where I realized that the people I was spending a lot of my time with were not people I wanted my kids to necessarily to turn out like. Yet they were people I was spending a lot of time with. And it took me a very long time to make any friends. When I got married, I came from a very dynamic Muslim community and I married my husband who didn't have any Muslim friends and was not tied to the Muslim community. And I was living six hours away from my home where I grew up. And so we had to start from scratch. So I slowly, slowly started making friends through different avenues. Like I said, these were friends who were not necessarily the best influence. And my son, sorry, my brother came to visit me once and he stayed with me for four months while he was doing his med school rotations. My brother has been a very big influence in my life. He's very religious, very pious, masha'Allah. Introduced me to a lot of good teachers and a good way of thinking. So after he met my friends, I was like, so what do you think? I finally made these friends and they were Muslim. They were from my culture, from the Pakistani culture. And I was excited to hear his opinion. And he said, you know, I can tell you have a good time with these friends. I can tell they enjoy your company. I can tell you enjoy their company. And I was like, yeah. And then he said, but you need to change your friends. And I remember being so offended, so offended that he would say something like that because I felt like who are you to come and judge my friends after meeting them only for a little bit. And he explained himself. He said, you know, as long as this is your community and these are the people you're around, you're not gonna grow spiritually. You'll have a fun time. You'll have a good time in the dunya. But you're not going to push yourself to learn more in the being and to attain more taqwa in your life. So, you know, I kind of moped about it for a little while. And then I went off and then later I came back to him and I said, okay, fine, do you think I need these pious friends? Where am I supposed to get pious friends from? It took so long just to make these few basic friends, the Indo-Pac friends, and they're actually, they are at least identifying as Muslim. Where am I supposed to find pious practicing Muslim friends from? And I'll never forget what he told me. He just said, pray for them. So pray for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to bring good sofa in your life and pray for Allah to bring people into your life who love Allah and who love you. And inshallah, he'll bring you that company. And may Allah forgive me. I still remember I went on the prayer mat after he said that to me. And after my prayer, I raised my hands and I did the du'a the way he had worded it, asking Allah to send me good friends who love him and who love me and who will draw me closer to him. And as soon as I said Amin and I ended that du'a, I had a thought in my head that, okay, I asked for this, but where am I supposed to get these friends from? Where are they gonna materialize from? Are they gonna drop out of the sky? Like I felt like I was asking to part the Red Sea. It felt like I was asking for something impossible at that point. And may Allah forgive me for having such weak yakin, or weak iman, but subhanallah, I won't go into the details of how it happened, but through a very, very random series of events, over the course of the next four months, four to five months, I ended up meeting the person who became, for lack of a better word, my best friend, who completely changed the trajectory of my life, completely changed everything about how I practice my deen, how I raise my children, what kind of circle of friends I'm in, how I live my life, how I am in my marriage. Mashallah, like so much benefit came into my life from meeting this one friend. And what I realize now is that it literally, it sounds like a simplistic answer, but it's so true. It started with du'a. It started with du'a and it started with having intentions that I wanna be closer to you, Allah, bring me, send me company that will bring me closer to you. I'm sorry for that really long answer, for what sounds like a very simple response, but I cannot emphasize enough the power of du'a. So you, and also obviously keeping, oh, and the other thing I will tell you is a lot of my friends are not friends I would have chosen as cool people to hang out with. They were not the people I am naturally affiliated towards for what constitutes as a good time for me. These are people who are very careful about what they say. They're very careful about the things they talk about. They live very simple lives, they're very mindful. They're not what would be the traditional or popular definition of fun. And but they, I admire the way they live their lives and I admire the way they have their achara glasses on in every aspect of their lives. And that's what I wanted in my life. So you end up making different choices. You end up hanging out with people that you may not have normally hung out with. You end up inviting people over that you may not normally have had an affinity towards and then developing those friendships over time. Look for them in your local massages, join Holocaust, join volunteer groups where women are coming to help serve the homeless or serve the poor, join homeschooling groups, even if you're not a homeschooler, look at the families that come in your Sunday school, look at people that you're impressed with the way their kids have turned out and look at people that you're impressed with the way they've turned out and look at people that you're impressed with the way their parents are with them and let people know honestly why you want to be friends. And say, I really, really respect you and admire you and I want to learn more from you and I want our families to be friends and you love people for the sake of Allah and inshallah, there will be barakah in those relationships. This is Aqallah here. Thank you so much, Sister Handel. Mashallah, it's barakah Allah. We have people from New York. It's a chaplain, Sylvia Mashallah Tabarakullah. She gave a shout out.  Everybody is saying JazakAllah Khair, Sister Adilah Hussein. I'm just giving a shout out of the sister from Norway, Explorer Mom from Norway. She was in the morning session. She's here now. She's sending you her heart, love, so much appreciation, so much love and this is one of the things. Number eight, you're gorgeous to look at. Mashallah Tabarakullah. May Allah SWT always bless you with this serenity that comes with your personality. Alhamdulillah, may Allah bless you with this noor. Always, always, always. Ameen, until the last breath. Ameen and when you talk, we all connect it. I felt that energy. Adilah Hussein says beautiful and excellent advice Every single woman here, she expressed the same thing. Yes, yes, I get it. I get it. Yes, this is what I need to do. There are women who said we have kids and this is what we need to do. From Manchester, UK, Sister Moni, Emma is saying Salam, Sister Idl. She's from Switzerland and she's saying JazakAllah Khair from your beautiful halal. So Norway, Switzerland, England, they're here with us and of course, parts of America is here with us. So Mashallah Tabarakullah.  Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. So that's about it. It was so good, Mashallah. There are not many questions left. Alhamdulillah, you answered. Oh, Vancouver. So she says Vancouver, Canada. Oh, wow. Yes, so. Please, please keep my family in your du'as as well. Yes. For my husband, my children, they just recently lost a grandfather. My husband's father passed away. So we've been grieving and so we can just please pray for their grandfather to be in Janato for those families. And yeah, if you could just keep our family in your prayers, I would be very grateful. People are saying this. Alhamdulillah, Sister Javarius Amon says, I can listen to Sister Hannah all day. So Alhamdulillah Tabarakullah, JazakAllah Khair. Sister Hannah, we would, I mean, we would not keep you for a different Salam. We're just going to wrap this up by letting them know what's coming up next for tomorrow. So if you just want to say a du'a for us before you leave and make du'a, we will make a collective du'a with you and may Allah accept it from us. I'll give you a shakram. In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, the Most Merciful. So you can read it in the name of Allah and in the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, only you know our intentions. Only you know how helpless we are. Only you know how much we depend on you for your guidance and your help in raising our children. Only you know how frightened we are and how much we feel the weight of the responsibility of raising the next generation of Muslims.  We ask you, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, to put the desire in our children's hearts to love you, to follow you, to follow your Prophet, Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, to obey you, to completely embody the Shahada in their lives, to be beautiful ambassadors for the religion, to be role models in the Ummah, to be our Sadaqa Jaria in the world. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, we beg you to allow all of our progeny till the end of time to be believers, to believe La ilaha illallah, Muhammadur Rasulullah. Please let our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren all be proofs for us and not against us. Please, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, do not let us be the weak link in this chain. Those of us who converted to Islam, please keep this beauty of this religion in our family until the end of time. Those of us who came from families, generations that converted long ago, please allow us to hold on to this blessing. Do not take it away from us. Nareen Yadav. Any of our children who have doubts, who have questions, please give them clarity. Please allow them to turn back to you, to the Prophet, Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Please send them the right teachers. Please send them the right friends. Please send them the right communities that will help nurture them. Even if it's not written for us to be able to provide them the right support that they need right now, please bring it to them before they die. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, please give them exactly what they need to be able to lead this world with the Shahada on their lips and on their tongues and their hearts and their minds and their souls in their graves. We have no one to turn to but you, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. We rely only on you. None of this is from us. If our children are believers, if they're successes, it's only because we chose to give them this blessing. If our children have gone astray, we know that it might be because we made mistakes along the way and we ask you to forgive us and to guide our children and to not hold them accountable for our mistakes. Please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, keep peace in our homes, peace in our families, peace in our relationships. Allow us to find joy with our children and with our spouses. If we're single parents, allow us to have the strength and the energy and the wisdom to guide our children in the way that's needed and let us always give credit to you and never become self-satisfied in our parenting, never become arrogant and never let us despair. Let us always have hope, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. Let us always have hope. Let our hearts be light. Let us find joy and love in our relationships with our children. And all blessings are on the Prophet Muhammad, his alone, his alone and his family and his companions. Amen. Yallah. Amen.


The Sanford Bemidji Medical Center delivers almost 1,000 babies every year and now they're expanding with a new nursery. Hedy Clotter has the story. Eleven weeks ago, Jamie Samuelson had her daughter Frankie at 32 weeks and at the time, Sanford Medical Center didn't accept babies born before 34 weeks so she was referred to U of M. She had to be in the regular nursery. That was all they had available. She wasn't able to be in a room with me. She had to be in the nursery for around the clock care from nurses and hospital staff. If they would have had this in place already, she would have been in one of these rooms and I could have stayed with her. The Sanford Bemidji Medical Center hosted a ribbon-cutting ceremony for the grand opening of its new nursery. There's been an increase with infants needing a longer stay and the facility will provide newborns with extra care. We have been noticing an increasing trend of infants that are requiring a longer length of stay in our special care nursery, which are infants that need respiratory support or feeding issues, that sort of thing. Some of the infants who will stay in the nursery are due to substance-exposed pregnancies because their mothers use illicit drugs or even legal drugs, but the nursery isn't exclusive to them. We needed more space and individualized patient rooms was key to the healing environment for these kids. Construction of the new nursery began in July of last year and will be up and running by next week. The 4,800-square-foot facility is located on the third floor and has ten individual patient rooms for ill newborns, one procedure room, and one room for well-babies in discharge readiness. Each room will be private and so there is a space for the moms to be here and the dads and family members and they can come at any time and be a part of baby's care. The panda warmers in the rooms are for less critical infants and the giraffe beds are for the more critical infants. At times when parents can't be with their babies, volunteers come in and rock them. We're over the holidays, we did three evenings a week. We rock from four to eight, so we're great rockers. We rock New Year's Eve here. As part of the safe sleep initiative to practice safe sleeping habits, each baby born this year at Sanford will receive a sleep sack. Our winters are cold and we want our babies to be nice and warm when they go home. They'll finish setting up the rooms on Monday and Tuesday the babies will move in. The length of stay for each baby varies and can depend on what drugs the mothers were taking. If you've enjoyed this segment of Lakeland News, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to Lakeland Public Television.


Hello. Welcome to NewsClick. Recently, the Union Social Justice Minister, Virendra Kumar, said in the Rajya Sabha that there have been no manual scavenging deaths in the country. Added to that, the Minister of State for Social Justice and Empowerment, Ram Das Atavliya, also said that there have been no manual scavenging deaths in the country. Interestingly, and the bizarre fact is that NewsClick has been regularly reporting many manual scavenging deaths from across the country. And the number of cases in Tamil Nadu is also extremely high. To speak on the matter, we have with us Deepthi Sukumar, one of the core team members of Safaikaramchari Andolan, who is also based in Tamil Nadu. Hello, ma'am. Thanks a lot for joining us. So could you please give your opinions on this statement given in the Rajya Sabha? Yeah, hello. I think I have to say that all of us were very shocked when we heard that statement. Like we were wondering from where the statement is coming from. What was the reason to make such a statement that we felt? One was it was a very foolish statement. Looking at the situation and looking at the numerous media reports and the numerous, the kind of extensive documentation that has been done on sewer and septic tech deaths in the country for the last many years. Now, in SK itself, we have documented. Till date, we have documented 500 deaths in the country in the last five years. And if you look at the parliament itself, I've given a figure that so many deaths have happened in the last year parliament session. Now, this year, they're saying no deaths. So we first, first it was very shocking. And when we were here and we were also discussing it with the community and there are so many families who have lost their father or their husbands and brothers in this in this in this kind of a death. So the reaction first was of total disbelief and then they're very angry that here was a government that could actually deny and try to make these such a shocking and such a blatantly a blatant atrocity as invisible. By just stating in the parliament in the highest house of this country, it was such a lie. So it was a very shocking thing and our community and especially the families who have witnessed the experience these deaths were very shocked because a very sad day for us. And we were very ashamed of what was happening in this country and the way these deaths were being continuously linked to that. SK is a civil society organization. We do not have the kind of resources that the government is having. So with our very, very limited resources and mechanisms, we are able to actually see, identify and extract and expose so many deaths and document them. Now, this year is in 2021 itself, we have documented 28 deaths. So, and if you look at, so why is it that the government is not able to do that? That is one thing. And then what is the answer now? Now, if our women go and ask the same minister who has made the statement, then where is my husband? Where is my brother? Where is my father? Where are they? If you say that they have not died, so where are they then? It's very easy to ask, you know, it's very thing. What will the answer, what is the answer and what face they will show to these people who have lost their family members in this septicant surveillance? It's a very irresponsible and a very foolish statement that the minister has made in the parliament house. And we totally, we are, we are, you know, unaccepting it and we are not accepting it and we are totally rejecting that statement, especially us who have witnessed so many deaths, who have witnessed so much of grief and so much of shock and atrocity because of these kind of deaths. We are totally rejecting that statement and we are totally condemning that statement. As a very inhuman, first of all, and we think that making the statement itself is not atrocity against, it's a human rights violation and atrocity, but denying it. Could you throw some light on Tamil Nadu and the number of cases in Tamil Nadu? It's said to be one of the state's reporting. Ever since they started taking the survey, I think in 2011, we started taking surveys. Since then, Tamil Nadu has denied that there is manuals damaging in the state. Even before this act has come into force, Tamil Nadu has been denied that they've been saying that there is no manuals damaging. They've been giving a zero data only to the ministry. So when that is the case, what has happened is that they were also not making any demands on the central funds for the self-employment rehabilitation scheme. Tamil Nadu has not made any demand. But again, after I think in 2016, 17, they had to take another survey, which was a mandatory survey done by the ministry. The ministry was directly working with Tamil Nadu government to do the survey. So at that time, they did a survey. But during that survey, in Tamil Nadu alone, there was 2,000, almost 3,000 persons have given a self-declaration that there are manual scavengers in Tamil Nadu. In the name of verification, most of them were not at all verified. They were not even, they were not called for verification. And Tamil Nadu government is saying only about 424 persons only have been verified and they have been enumerated by the government for the SR that the self-employment rehabilitation scheme and for liberation, the liberation amount of one-time cash assistant. Now, if the survey had been done, if enumeration is properly done, because when you do enumeration to eliminate manual scavenging and you're looking at deaths that are happening, if that act and if all the schemes are actually delivered in both in letter and spirit, you would actually cover each and every person who's even at risk for this, of this atrocity, who's even at risk in this atrocity, who's vulnerable and bring them under the radar of the government so that they are watched and monitored and vigilance is there and then this kind of deaths could have been prevented. If you see all the 69 deaths that have occurred in Tamil Nadu, not a single one of them were enumerated by the government or brought into the government survey at all. For the last few years, ever since the act has come, schemes are coming, every year they are saying that they're redesigning the schemes, then why are the schemes failing? Why deaths are still happening? Why manual scavenging is still happening? Where are the SAPI Karma Charis? Can we show at least a single SAPI Karma Charis who have been doing manual scavenging from multiple generations, single person who has been empowered in Tamil Nadu, single person, single family who has been empowered, we have to say no. So which means that everything the government has not only failed, I think they have deliberately denied. I mean, clearly there have been compensations given for people, families that lost a person in manual scavenging and there have also been FIRs filed under the Minerals Scavenging Prevention Act and it clearly shows that there have been manual scavenging deaths and the government continues to deny that there have been such things. So what exactly, I mean, you have said a lot of things but what exactly is that one thing the government is trying to prove by doing something, like saying something? I think they're having, there is some agenda behind this. What the agenda, we cannot say because we are just ordinary people over here, we are from the community. But they are losing our trust, losing the confidence of the people. No matter how what they are saying, they're doing so much of 101 crore budgetary allocation. Okay, you do, but where is it? Where is the money? Where is the fund? Where is the scheme? When the minister is making that statement, he knows pretty well that there have been so many deaths. But when you are saying but when you are purposely keeping it out and saying it is not manual scavenging death, what is he gaining by it? Frankly, I'm not able to understand what is the, what are they gaining by this? What is the gain? What is agenda behind it? It's actually very scary. It's very scary. Why are you doing it?  We have no political competition for you. This is not a contest. You say one thing, you say yes, and this is not a, they're only asking that, speak the truth. That's all. Speak the truth.  No, whatever reason you have said that made that statement or whatever. Leave it, but then now speak the truth. This death has happened. You give us the proper facts. Like you said, there has been compensation given to families that lost people due to manual scavenging and there have also been FIRs filed under the act, the prevention of manual scavenging. So it, besides that, the government is claiming that there have been no manual scavenging deaths in the country. We don't know where this is headed, but thanks a lot for joining us and opining on matter.


Now, if only you could help me. I could try. Because you can. Did you want to share? Oh, I guess it's only fair. No, that's all right. I guess I've just never really spoken to a mouse before. Hmm. Well, I guess I've never spoken to a you before. What are you? Oh, uh, I'm a human. A girl, a huntress. That's a lot of things. I'm Ruby Rose. And to Ruby Rose is your purpose? No, no, that's my name. Do you have a name? I'm still young, so not yet.  Would that be all right? Hmm, how does one little? What's wrong? I'm, have you seen other people, humans, like me? Exactly like you? No, not exactly like me. Me, we're similar, but different. I'm sure it'll make sense eventually. Um, one would have long blonde hair. The other has, well, uh, cat ears. Sorry, I should have known. I've seen plenty of cartoons.  But maybe someone in my village has. They're always out foraging. You know, since we need food and stuff, thinking of which, a few more of these wouldn't hurt.