Hello and welcome to today's episode of the International Daily Roundup by People's Dispatch where we bring you some of the top stories from around the world. Let's take a look at today's headlines. U.S. President Joe Biden signs law escalating sanctions on Nicaragua. Mapuche people resist militarization of their territories in Chile. Ghanayan parliament to hold hearings on sweeping anti-LGBT bill. And finally, South Australia health workers launch major industrial action. In our first story, United States President Joe Biden has signed a bill escalating punitive measures against Nicaragua. The law is called reinforcing Nicaragua's adherence to conditions for Electoral Reform Act 2021 or RENASER. It was introduced in Congress in January and approved by the full Senate in August. As per a White House statement, the law will impose sanctions on the government of Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega. It will also restrict multilateral bank lending. The RENASER Act calls for cooperation with Canada and the European Union for sanctions. The Biden administration will also review Nicaragua's participation in the Central America Free Trade Agreement. The Act also expands United States' oversight powers including official reports on supposed corruption, rights abuses and relations between Nicaragua and Russia. Ortega's Sandinista National Liberation Front won Sunday's election with over 74% of the votes. Late on Sunday, President Biden issued a statement calling the election a pantomime. The Organization of American States also issued a 17-page report on November 9th calling for an annulment of the election result. It is important to note that Nicaragua is not a member of the group. Moreover, such accusations of irregularities were firmly debunked by delegations from North America who observed the election first had. In a press conference in Managua, they described the process as transparent and efficient. They also described a high voter turnout and participation of opposition parties. Next, we go to Chile, where indigenous Mapuche people held a protest in Temucco City on November 10th. The action followed a day after the Congress extended the state of emergency imposed in the Biobio, Aroco and Cotin and Malacor regions. The Senate is set to vote on it on November 11th. Right-wing President Sebastian Pinera first imposed the measure on October 12th. He cited violence related to drug trafficking, terrorism and armed groups in the region. Mapuche groups have blamed external agents and police setups for violent incidents in the region. The state of emergency was renewed on November 3rd. This has meant the deployment of thousands of troops and further militarization on Mapuche territories. Indigenous communities in Chile have been demanding self-determination. They have also demanded restoration of their ancestral lands taken over by landowners and logging and mining companies. They have resisted these occupations by means of protests such as destroying forestry equipment. The Mapuche people have also accused the Chilean government of staging a low-intensity war against them. They have reported the use of unnecessary force, racial discrimination and forced evictions. Protests for self-determination have met with brutal violence by the notorious Carabineros. Two Mapuche leaders were shot and killed by security forces in the Araco province on November 3rd. This followed just weeks after Indigenous activist Denise Cortez was killed after the Carabineros attacked a protest march in Santiago. In our next story, Ghana's parliament initiated public hearings on a sweeping anti-LGBTQ plus bill on November 11th. The legislation is called the Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill.  Non-heterosexual sex, which is already illegal, will also be punishable by three to five years. The bill goes further to criminalize LGBTQ plus advocacy, including medical support, making it punishable by up to 10 years in prison. It also allows the violent and discredited practice of conversion therapy. It encourages vigilantism by urging citizens to turn over people they suspect of belonging to the LGBTQ plus community. Advocacy group Rightify Ghana has stated that arbitrary arrests, evictions and blackmail have more than doubled since the bill was introduced. It is currently before the Committee on Constitutional, Legal and Parliamentary Affairs. The body is expected to hear 10 petitions each week after receiving over 150 memoranda on the bill. While the bill has received support from conservatives in Ghana, people have traced its links to the United States-based Rightwing Evangelical Group, the World Congress of Families or WCF. The group hosted a major conference in Akra in 2019. Leaked audio obtained by CNN revealed plans to mount legal challenges to LGBT rights. According to the head of Rightify Ghana, the push for anti-LGBT bill followed soon after. While the WCF denied involvement, the bill uses shockingly similar talking points. A European Parliamentary Forum also found that WCF had organized anti-LGBT initiatives across Eastern Europe. And finally, we go to Australia. Thousands of health and disability workers in the state of South Australia have taken up indefinite work action. The action began on November 11th and following months of unsuccessful negotiation with the government. Hospital cleaners, patient service assistants, disability support workers, catering workers, sterilization technicians, age carers and community care workers are the main participants in the work action. This will include stoppage of overtime for regular expected work, issue of notification of unful vacancies and notification about workplaces that are not sanitized. Since April this year, essential workers in the health sector have been taking sporadic work actions of various kinds to resist the looming privatization and attacks on job security. The indefinite work action is an escalation of these efforts. Organized by South Australia Unions, a branch of the United Workers Union, workers intend to highlight the abysmal conditions that they face including chronic understaffing, unpaid overtime and lapses in workplace health and safety. Union leaders have alleged that the government of Premier Stephen Marshall is keeping the threat of privatization and job cuts throughout the bargaining process and not negotiating in good faith. Workers also intend to send a strong message indicating their continued resistance against the neoliberal policies of the state government. And that's all for today. For more stories visit our website at www.peoplesdispatch.org and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.


Our journey in documenting the heroes and heroines of our Middle Eastern history takes us to the centre of the Arabian Peninsula, at the onset of the 3rd century BCE. To a time in the past referred to by Muslim scholars as al-Jahiliyeh, the times of ignorance, when the godless Arab nations have naged were witnessed to wars raging amongst their own peoples, as well as impending invasion from both east and west. Our setting at the small oasis city of Joe, a town located 30 km north of the current capital of Saudi Arabia, Riyadh. Joe was a prosperous and safe city that was an outlier when compared to the other main cities of the region, as it had escaped the ravaging aggressions of its neighbouring costile cities that were commonplace at the time. This blessing was not a coincidence, but due to the genius and talents of a single citizen. Zarqa was a beautiful woman who was from a well-respected family in the social strata of the city. Her face was magical, as her glimmering bright blue eyes were contrasted by the famous powder, al-Ethman. Known as kushan or mascara, Zarqa's use of this mixture as a beauty product though, was secondary to her real reasons for its application. Her gifts of appearance were insignificant when compared to her other superhuman talents. Known for her eagle-like sharp vision, it was said that Zarqa could see up to a distance of a traveller's three-day journey. Not only was her literal farsightedness of no match, but she would also impress the city's elites with her optical skills by picking out a grey hair sunk in deep within a glass of milk. And the mascara that was so relentlessly applied, she believed, helped her maintain the superior eyesight. Zarqa's gifts were a great military advantage to the city. In numerous occasions, she would forewarn the rulers that a raid or battle was upon them. With such strategic advance notice, the city was promptly alerted and systematically ready for defending their borders. No force could surprise Joe's inhabitants. Again and again, invasions were thwarted due to Zarqa, Joe's early warning system, until one day the neighbouring enemy, the city of Khomeib, put together a sinister plan of deception. Knowing of Zarqa's abilities, the invaders camouflaged their soldiers with three branches, covering their bodies whole. Zarqa, constantly on the lookout, recognized that there was something strange happening. Trees were moving towards the city. She could see no people, no army, and the threat of the situation, although sensed by her, lacked any real visual proof. Zarqa warned the generals that an invasion was imminent, but when asked by the military what she saw, she could only present the visual facts. Trees appeared to move towards the city. The generals mocked Zarqa and accused her of losing her legendary vision and mind. A day passed and as Zarqa rushed into the palace, screaming to the generals that there were soldiers hiding behind the trees, the first wave of invaders had already overwhelmed the city. A massacre befell the population of Joe and Zarqa was stripped of her vision. Darkness overtook darkness in more ways than one. A few days later, Zarqa would pass away. The facts are difficult to separate from the legend when it comes to Zarqa al-Yamama. Did she have such vision? Maybe not. Science has comprehensively proven that seeing in this conventional way for such distances and without any technical assistance was an impossibility. But in analyzing what constitutes superior vision and upon removing the believable from the unbelievable, we are left with another powerful and as great an ability, intuition. And it is this gift that Zarqa al-Yamama should be associated with. Her ability to home in on the happenings around her, to be in the here and now of her environment and sense the complex energies and spatial imbalances that may or may not impact the fate of her nation and people, was a testament to her importance and standing in our Arab history. And just maybe, when all is said and done, and when we forget about the radiant bright blue eyes encircled with their contrasting dark black powder, Zarqa al-Yamama should be considered as the foremother of female intuition.


As a dating and relationship coach, one of the common frustrations I hear from women, particularly when it comes to understanding men, centers around men who seem to struggle opening up emotionally. In fact, I probably would say that's one of the top five things women wished from men that they would open up emotionally. And I think before we lean into that how to do that, I think it's important to understand why this happens. Now, for those of you who follow my channel, I'm more of a personal development coach than actually a dating and relationship coach. And what I mean to say is I'm here to encourage individuals to do personal development, self-help and spiritual. Why? Because one of the fundamental causes of human beings being what I call emotionally constipated, and that was a friend of mine who shared that terminology with me. Some people call it emotionally unavailable. Some people call it emotionally frustrated. I like the term emotionally constipated. Is that typically a human being has experienced some sort of traumatic wound in their life. This is also known as childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that might cause them to stuff their emotions. In addition, men have been preconditioned to actually be more stoic and not even share their emotions because they were taught by sharing emotions that isn't very manly.  So to understand that part of it is social conditioning, but really what causes most men to be that emotionally unavailable person that makes it difficult for them to open up is as I said earlier, childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas. And this is true for women as well as men. This is one of the reasons why I highly encourage human beings to read this book called The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process, here's a copy of it. This is a book to heal your childhood wounds and traumas or if you want Google the Hoffman Process and go to their retreat center. There's one in Napa. There's one in, I think on the East Coast as well because this organization has a way of helping individuals find that peace within themselves to genuinely love on themselves, to really genuinely love on themselves. I know personally when I went in 2017, there was an experience I had where I felt, I experienced what felt like a blanket of self love. And given that the number one emotional health issue for most human beings is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable, we are thirsty. Human beings are thirsty for a capacity to open themselves up emotionally and yet they struggle on the inside to get there. This is one of the reasons why, where the heck did I put my book? My book is what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, all the books I recommend are in the description below. Why I'm suggesting this is if you want to understand how to open up a man, ladies, then it starts by actually learning to open up within yourself. I can tell you as a coach, and I've worked with thousands of women, I have over 10 to probably 20,000 hours of coaching. By the way, if you want to schedule a discovery call with me right there is a link, check out a link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Why I share this with you is I will tell you, women as much as they think they're good at emotional communication, oftentimes women might vomit their feelings or have diarrhea in the mouth when it comes to their feelings and not necessarily articulate in a way to be seen, heard and understood. This is why human beings need a level of education when it comes to looking inside and more importantly coming back to women. I would say there is a huge percentage of the female population that act as people pleasers that stuff their emotions. In fact, in many cases some of these women are doormats and they're being taken advantage by women or by men, excuse me, and I'm here to encourage a more empowered approach to the process, but if you want to get a man to open up emotionally then you have to recognize, or at least this is my invitation for you, that you might need to learn how to open up emotionally within yourself. You know, it's interesting in my private coaching one of the exercises we do is a journaling exercise. And I can tell you probably seven out of 10 women who do this exercise struggle mightily to actually express their emotions on what they want to feel in a relationship. Can you believe that? It's interesting, 70% of the women that work with me have difficulty actually writing down the types of emotions and feelings they want to experience in a relationship. And yet everybody walks around going, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. And yet when they go through this process, they find themselves going, oh my gosh, I really didn't have an understanding of who I am or what I'm all about. So I'm here to offer approach of, again, an invitation to do inner work. And hopefully by doing this work you actually become more attuned to yourself by being able to ask better questions to determine to gauge a man's emotional maturity and also if he's compatible with you. In fact, one of the significant things I do in my private coaching is called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. Why is it important to do that? When you learn based on your personality what questions you can ask a guy, not can, are willing to ask a guy, you can gauge his emotional maturity. Is he emotionally constipated? Is he emotionally unavailable? Or does he have a capacity? He just needs a little bit of help. And I can certainly help you with that. And again, schedule a call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, so how do we get a man to open up emotionally? Well, I've got my trusty nose. I want to be candid with you. I Googled this out of curiosity and it's funny because a friend of mine had written an article that we had talked about years ago this very same subject. And I go, hey, we'd already discussed this. I thought I'd pull out this information for this video. So number one, if these are some simple tips to get a man to open up emotionally, number one, I highly recommend paying attention to his body language, paying attention to his body language. Men and women alike demonstrate their feelings through their body language. Do you know communication is roughly 80 or 90% non-verbal? So it's fascinating how many humans believe that they're talking to someone when they're talking on the phone via text message, that they're actually having real dialogue. Yet when it's our facial expressions, our energy, even our pheromones and our hormones represent part of communication. And yet I've talked to women so frequently to go, I'm madly in love with the man. I've been talking to him on the phone for six months. They've never met him. You've been having communication but you really haven't heard the communication until you physically can see their body language. And by determining a person's body language, you then can do what I call mirror and matching. One of the things, and I learned this in sales years ago, mirror and matching is when somebody's body language is like this, you can mirror their body language so they can see how they're representing themselves by being a reflection of them. It's really important to pay attention to body language because that gives you an indication of how a man or a woman is operating in that moment. And in that particular case, you can start to connect with them if you do this technique called mirror and matching. If you want some help with it, do me a favor, Google mirror and matching plus sales and you can learn a little bit more of these techniques that sales people use to actually feel like their perspective client is engaging with them. So pay attention to body language and then operate from a place of mirror and matching. Okay, number two, this is so hugely important. Most men who go through a divorce, say one of the fundamental frustrations they had in their marriage was feeling a lack of appreciation with their partner. Their partner actually appreciating them. Ladies, you've experienced this as well and men experience this as equal as you. Men don't oftentimes feel appreciated for their efforts. So if you can, by the way, I invite you to use these words instead of thank you. Thank you is something we say to the grocery store person. Thank you is something we say to random people. I say random people. Now we can use thank you. I'm going to invite you to use different words. I want you to start to incorporate the words grateful, gratitude and appreciation. My girlfriend said something to me the other day. She just really appreciated that I got up this morning and she's got a little shoulder problem and I got her ice pack for her so she could put it around herself and she just simply said, Jonathan, I really appreciated you doing that. She didn't have to be asked, I just did it. Now my point in bringing this up is when you use terms like grateful, gratitude, appreciation, these are powerful words that helps emotions within a human being. So that's my invitation for you to start sharing more appreciation. Number three, do fun things together. That's right, do fun things together. Again, I come back to how many women I communicate or reach out to coaching with me are in long distance relationships. They're in cyber relationships, thinking they're actually in a relationship with someone and yet men bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests. That's how a man genuinely bonds with another person. Certainly with their male friends, it's playing golf together, going fishing together, going to the car show. These are just some things that I'm going to be doing recently or did recently and going to be doing. That's how men bond. Well, it's the same ladies. I'm encouraging you social activities, hobbies, mutual interests and you can be the instigators of these events. I remember one year I was dating a woman and she said, hey, Jonathan, could we go do a hike up at the Hollywood sign? She instigated it and we had a great time. It was a great bonding experience. So doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests is a great way. Do fun things together that allow you to connect because, you know, how do I say this? When we're men, how we get into our body, our emotions is through the doing of things. Is through the doing of things. We don't connect through our body through the telephone. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most human beings are having such benign conversation, surface level conversation. They're not going deeper, which will allow you to connect to a man and help him open up emotionally. Number three, four, do the things he cares about. Do those things. You know, it's not about you love the opera and you want him to go with you to the opera. I'm here, I'm using that as an example, but I'm here to suggest do the things he cares about. Folks, let me bottom line something to you. Listen, I was watching a video the other day where someone said, if you really want to get to know another human being, you have to live with them. That's how you get to know someone. That's why my relationship, we now live together. We are getting to know each other at a deeper level. Well, if you want to get to know each other at a deeper level prior to moving in together, getting married, then you're going to have to do a lot of stuff together. Weekend relationships where you see each other once every other week, isn't going to build the deep roots of trust. The light, and by the way, trust is the most critical component of a relationship because trust isn't just about someone's fidelity. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own? In other words, does this person have my best interest at heart? And the way you're going to get there is through social activities, hobbies, doing things together. And doing the things he cares about as well. And that's number four, doing the things he cares about. You have to do stuff together. Number five, don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Oh my God, this is driving me nuts. So many women are saying, Jonathan, why don't men think the way I do?  We think differently, we operate differently. Why are you expecting men to be, why are you expecting men to be shaven versions of you? I mean, men are hairier creatures, so you're expecting a shaven version of you. Don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Be more direct. If you have something to say, be direct. Men can't stand that you have this expectation that we're mind readers for you. Be direct. Don't make assumptions when it comes to men. Ask more direct questions. And lastly, if you want to get a man to open up emotionally, then you're gonna have to lead by example. I think of my dear friend who was in a relationship for four years with a woman who constantly led by example with her feelings. And I can say, my friend was more of a stoic type of man. Great guy, true mention in the world, but stoic. It was through her leading by example, leading by example by expressing her feelings, expressing her feelings, expressing her feelings. Was he able to start tapping into his own feelings? If you haven't read the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. Because ladies, many of you think you understand emotions. I can tell you probably less than 3% of the human population actually understands their own emotions in a healthy, happy way. So if you wanna shift the narrative, then maybe learning about your individual emotions and then being more expressive with it in a, by the way, I'm a big proponent of speaking your truth, doing it with kindness, doing it with kindness is a great way to get a man to open up more fully to you. Look it, the passive dating process today is not going, people aren't going anywhere in this passive casual world. I'm here to promote something more radical.  If you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship, then set your standards and set your boundaries rather early. In fact, this is one of the reasons why I created my dating vows. If you haven't seen it before, by the way, the dating vows is in the description below. Because have you ever heard the phrase, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? So if you want to be in a committed relationship, if I invite you before you get physically intimate with someone, then you establish your standards. And here's a sample of one. Each person says the following. I, Jonathan, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And lastly, I agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you, which looks like spending three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal, our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to maybe moving in together, getting married. These are the exact vows I said to my sweetheart. Okay, I think she was pretty grateful that I was more intentional. Listen, I know you love the idea that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let a man claim you, but here's the problem with the dating process today. Men, what's that old saying?  Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Look it, sex is so freely given today. It's so freely given today that men have make about this much of a commitment to a person. If you wanna shift the narrative, then you have to be in charge of your relationship destiny. And if you wanna get a man to open up an emotionally, then start reading the books that I keep talking about habitually with men. And I gotta tell you something. I had a guy send me a message on YouTube just yesterday said, Jonathan, I've been following your channel. I have sent your channel to my girlfriend because everything you're saying resonates with me. Ladies, a small percentage of men will agree to the dating vows. A majority won't, but guess what? Those guys aren't serious anyway. And if you want a serious relationship, then stand up in your power, lead by example, take charge of your relationship destiny, be in your empowerment, because guess what? It's not a fair world out there.  If you want something to happen in your life, then you have to make it happen for yourself. The fantasy is over. Wake up and smell the coffee. All right, I'm done pontificating right now. Listen, has this resonated with you if it has? Please let me know, hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. If you wanna connect with me, check out the links below to whether a discovery call with me or my group or even follow me on Instagram or purchase my books. All right, I think this would be a great place to start our Q&A. If you have a question for me, those who know my format, write the word question in the box there and then post your question there after or purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's the one my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I have started a scholarship fund to organizations like the Hopman Process Insight Institute and to defray the cost of personal development for those folks. And if you're watching the replay, you can purchase the Super Thanks as well. All right, we're ready to take question here. So let's see what we got. Neverly says, how many men are here now? Ladies, men don't, I mean, a very small percentage of men follow my channel. Please introduce my channel to guys. What do you got to lose? Some of them are gonna think it's junk. A lot of men who are emotionally healthy will actually appreciate this conversation of individual empowerment. Hey, I wanna thank Samantha for the $3 Super Stickers. Thank you so much. Neverly says, thank you. I love the fact that you talk about Connor constantly. You know what? He's near and dear to my heart every day. Thank you so much. Michelle says, this is great content. Cece says, men need to read these books. Yes, I agree. Men and women alike, small percentage of people. Ah, here we go. Here's a question. Question, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Pymia, Pyman, question. What to say in support and encouragement to my person whose ex-wife is talking or taking him to court on a legal custody battle scheduled this Monday. He has three very young children with 50-50 custody. You know, this is a tough one. What do you say to a person that's going through a tough time? You know, what occurred to me in that moment is his little kid inside of him might be feeling like the world might be against him. And not in your childlike voice, but certainly in that space of love and compassion. Just let him know one thing. I've got your back and I'm here for you. I'm here for you if you need me and I've got your back. I love the phrase, I've got your back. You know, whether he's able to receive or accept it, that's another thing, but I love the phraseology. I've got your back, I'm here if you need me. And you don't need to say much more than that. You don't need to say much more. He's on his individual journey, allow him to process this at his own pace. Your job is to be there when he needs you. That's my invitation for you. All right, that's a great question. Thank you so much. I hope that resonated with you. All right, I mean, it says much appreciated. Thank you so much. By the way, there's, unfortunately, I'm shooting this video a little bit earlier in the day and that's why there's some shadows coming in. I just want you all to know that. Lisa says, so true what you're saying. Again, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat. CC says, I love that phrase. Thank you so much. All right, we need some questions, folks. You know before, well, there's not a question right now. I wanna show, oh, here we go. Samantha's got a question. Question, I am interest in a man who is wealthier than me. Aside from improving my financials, what else can I do to improve the relationship? What are our friends at this stage who once dated? Okay, so you're interested in a man who makes, listen, most men for the most part, all the most men who are financially successful don't really care how much a person makes. What they don't typically want is a freeloader or someone who can't take care of themselves. Ladies, you don't wanna be a nurse and purse to a guy and a guy doesn't want the same thing for you. Doesn't wanna do the same for you in the early stages of a relationship. So, so long as you can financially take care of yourself, I don't think it's gonna matter to this guy if he's financially set off. Men have a propensity to wanna be provider protectors. However, you need to understand something with this narrative. Men who have gone through a divorce and if they've gone through a contentious divorce, one of the last things they want to do is provide and protect for someone else. I'm not saying it's DNA built in our DNA, but I can tell you social circumstances can outright, outright, outright, not outweigh, well, outright our DNA programming. So just remember this whole narrative that men are the chasers and men are the hunters and they're the providers. Yeah, that sounds great for cave people, but in the real world when you add emotional trauma, life experiences, a lot of that stuff changes. So, and for the most part, men who are doing okay financially, they just want someone else that is doing okay financially, usually speaking, okay? Thank you so much for that question, I really appreciate it. Oops. Michelle writes, question. How could I introduce the Hoffman process to a man who does have some childhood dramas? Traumas. I like the idea of just saying, hey, I've gotten introduced to a book that I find very fascinating. It's about healing childhood wounds and traumas. Would you be interested in reading it with me? This is a great place to start. Folks, you guys can have surface relationships or you can have deeper relationships. How are you gonna get into deeper relationships? By asking deeper questions. And if he's reluctant to do it or if he's dismissive, maybe he's not your guy. Just an invitation for you to think about. All right, great question, Michelle. Thank you so much. Neverly says, like, subscribe and share Jonathan's lessons or goal. Thank you so much. By Mia says, thanks very much indeed, Jonathan. I've been watching your videos for a long time now. Great content and have some books recommended. Oh, I'm so grateful to hear that. Okay, Francis says, question. How can I get my dismissive avoidant boyfriend to open up? You know, human beings who are dismissive avoidance coming back to childhood wounds and traumas. In many cases, okay, so where is my emotional maturity relationship skills chart? Okay, I want you to see this. Okay, this is not the fact, it's merely an opinion. Roughly 20% of the population has clinical emotional, clinical issues emotionally speaking and weak relationship skills, okay? And while I say 20% is healthy and has good relationship skills, the vast human beings are dysfunctional. Folks, you can't say some magic word to automatically change someone. They're going to have to do work for themselves. They're gonna have to do some work. Now, if they're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, again, all the books I recommend are listed below. This helps give you an understanding, it's right here, can you read the cover? Are you anxious, avoidant or secure? How the science of adult attachments can help you find and keep people up. Folks, I'm not a big proponent of investing too much time with the wrong person. I'm here to encourage finding the right person. The more healthy person is someone who is closer to a secure attachment style, a secure attachment style. And if he's avoidant dismissive, there's not some magic fairy dust that you can say to him that's gonna change the way he is. What I'm encouraging you to do is invite him to do some inner work. And if he's not interested in that, then do it for yourself.  Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, great question, Francis, thank you. Candy writes, question.  He claims she has been stalking him and has zero romantic relationship thoughts. You know what? Did anyone watch the Amber Heard Johnny Dept Trials? There are some crazy women out there. And guess what? There are some crazy men out there. Those two were completely dysfunctional. That's a tough one. I don't, you know, you have to ask yourself, okay, how fully committed is your relationship? How long, I mean, here's the problem. If you don't trust him, the one foundational piece in a relationship is missing. So I highly recommend reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Chapter one. Chapter one, we're gonna open it. It's called Lean on Me, Trust and Commitment. I would read this chapter to get a better, and I would read it with him to get a better sense of is this something to have a dialogue to talk about the real importance of trust in a relationship. Now, do you know much about his past? Was he, you know, about his past relationships? What happened in his marriage? I mean, sometimes our past can be an indicator where we're at in the future. So these are just some quick thoughts, but this is a tough one because she could be right or she could be a lunatic. This is a tough one. I'm sending you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug on this one, Candy. That's a tough one. All right, thank you so much for your question. Angela writes, question. How to call out and proceed with a man who keeps pulling back. We are seeing each other, but he said it wasn't dating. Then he said, actions speak louder than word, but his actions aren't much. Ladies, first you have to establish what is it that you want? What do you want your relationship to look like? What do you want your relationship to look like? In other words, do you wanna be in a relationship that's contentious or do you wanna be in a relationship where you're spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. Before the penis gets to go inside the vagina, have these kind of conversations, have start to establish this kind of relationship so you don't find yourself in a relationship where you're having to wonder what's going on here.  What's going on with you? You said you were here and now something's changed. Tell me what's going on with you. By the way, you don't have to use the expletive I used. I'm saying this a little bit in being a little rhetorical here for a second, or excuse me, using it to emphasize something. That's what I meant. But if his actions do matter and words matter too, if his actions aren't aligned, call him out on it. And if you need be, end the relationship, end the relationship, because why do you wanna be in a relationship that a person is out of integrity? Where's my book, The Four Agreements? Let's see, here we go. Do me a favor, Angela, read the book, The Four Agreements. This is a book that will change your life. The Four Agreements are, be impeccable with your words. Always do your best. People's opinion of you is just their opinion and don't make assumptions in life. Read this book, it'll change your life. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Liz says, question. If we're both emotionally immature, then we're emotionally compatible, correct? But seriously, can emotionally immature couple grow together if they are intentional and decide to do so? Absolutely, two people that are intentional can do anything if they have established a deep desire for commitment to one another. Anything is possible in that regard. So absolutely. Now, listen, I don't tout myself as being the epitome of emotional maturity. Believe me, I am riddled with flaws.  We're all works in process here. We're all a work in progress here. So it's okay to not be, now here's the thing. If you're operating from a place of contempt, criticism, stonewalling, or defensiveness, this is the four horsemen of the apocalypse that John Gottman talks about. Definitely Google the Gottman Institute. If you're operating from that level of emotional maturity, then do some inner work on your own before you re-enter into this relationship. Do your due diligence. That's why, folks, listen, my book, look at the back of the book. I have my recommended teachings and workshops. I highly recommend this list of books at the back of my book. This is the journey that allowed me to get to where I'm at today, and believe me, I'm not here to suggest I'm the end all be all. I just think I'm a little more grown up than most people. So check out the reading list at the back of my book, and it might give you some insight of the direction you might wanna head for yourself. So, Alys, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. Samantha says, thanks, Jonathan, look, your channel. Okay, well, Ellie says, question, other than current flattering pictures, what is something we should absolutely include in our online dating profile? You know, it's interesting. I was, one of the things my girlfriend said to me, she goes, my profile stood out from others. I think it's because I actually wrote a letter to the person that I wanted to read. I'd literally wrote a letter to my beloved. I didn't know it at the time. I'd done it years earlier, but I was writing what I wanted to experience in a relationship, God, universe, spirit. I'm in a relationship where we have amazing chemistry together, and our communication and our banter can go on for hours and hours at a time where our little kids play together in the way we communicate with one another. And we have lifestyles that are blendable with one another and we share the same core values that allows us to build the deep roots of trust that can take this relationship from just a, from something of just attraction to something meaningful. And I've been experiencing this now, God, universe, spirit. Folks, write a letter to the person. Write a letter from the heart. Think of it like poetry. Think of it like journaling. And a person who can appreciate true vulnerability that can appreciate true expressiveness will look beyond the surface of the photographs and actually wanna get to know you at a deeper level. Folks, the physical aspect is certainly important in a relationship. There's no doubt about it, but ultimately, it's funny, I'm watching a show, we're watching this third season of Love is Blind.  But what's interesting about this show is they start by actually getting to know each other on an emotional level before the physical level.  And what I appreciate most in my partner is that we genuinely, consciously, intentionally want to go below the surface on those emotional levels to have a deeply committed relationship with one another. That's my invitation for you. So if you're gonna write that kind of message, write a letter to him from the heart, and maybe the right person, or let me not even say maybe, and the right person will find it. All right, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Oh, I wanna thank Christine for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Angela says, thank you. Liz says, oh, I love your answer. Nice, really appreciate your humility and knowledge. Thank you so much, Liz. Okay. Oh, by the way, if you have a personal question of me, this is your chance. If you have a question to ask of me, I'm gonna be wrapping up in a few minutes. Write the word personal question and post the question thereafter. If you have something personally you wanna ask me, then I'll share publicly with the group if it's not crossing a boundary. All right, Pam writes, I was sexual too soon and our relationship never progressed. I dropped him because I needed more intimacy. Now he's starting to reach out emotionally. Do you think it can progress? You know what?  Start talking about what's in this book. If he's legit, he'll do the work. That's my invitation for you. Oh, I got something caught in my throat. All right, let's see. Paul says, oh, why do so many couples, even those who have been dating for years in person, then break it off when faced with a prospect of going long distance? Well, I think, so if you have a, if you have a day-to-day relationship, then, and then something changes in that dynamic, the question really becomes, are you committed to a long-term committed relationship? Do you wanna live together? Do you wanna get married? That's, listen, folks, I operate from the premise of partnership and not casual relationship. If you wanna follow the other coaches that focus on casual relationships, talk to them, follow them, I'm here to encourage partnership. The sooner you get to some level of moving in together, getting married or some level of partnership, the sooner you do that, the sooner you figure out if you're a good fit for that, the sooner you find yourself in a relationship that's either meeting your needs or not and you can move on to someone that can. So, going back to your questions, why do so many couples, even those who have been dating for years in person, break it off? Because who wants to be in a long-distance relationship?   So, and I know women feel the same way.  That's part of the reason why. Now, are there ways around it? Absolutely, it's by having a plan, by talking about things and closing the gap. When are you gonna move in together and get married? Dating for years? Who wants to date for years? I'm here to encourage people to move in together, get married a lot sooner because guess what? It used to work 50, 100 years ago. Why is it now we have a dragged-out process because nobody has to make a commitment because guess what? The vast majority of people are in casual relationships and not something substantial and guess what? After too many casual relationships that go nowhere, it can wear on someone's emotional well-being. All right, thanks so much for that question, Paul. Let's see. All right, this is gonna be our last question for the day from Rose. Question, why did my ex suddenly out of nowhere emotionally detach himself from our kid's friends, family, coworkers ever since he's engaged to a supposedly rich girl their long distance relationship met twice a year? Why did my ex suddenly out of nowhere? You know what, Rose? That is a really complicated question. I'd have no idea. I mean, I'm gonna guess. He's in a long distance relationship that he's not getting his needs. There are neither one of his getting their needs met and he probably wants something more. That's just my rough guess, but that's a complicated one. I don't think I can answer that one. But thank you for offering that question, Rose. I really appreciate it. Paul says, thank you for the answer. All right, folks. Looks like nobody had a personal question for me tonight. So I wanna thank Liz for the $5 Super Sticker as well. I hope this content resonates with you. I just wanna remind you. Listen, most men are good guys.  They're winging it. They have no real idea. This is why I'm encouraging you to lead by example by setting healthy standards for yourself and certainly healthy boundaries for yourself. This is why I say what commitment looks like for me or did look like for me until I moved in with my partner was the idea where at least we spend consistent time together, whether it was three or four days and nights a week together or spending significant time together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married.  Are you with me? If you are, give me a hallelujah and amen. All right, Liz says this definitely resonates with me. Thank you so much, Liz. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up our video today. I'm gonna do it as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pill and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Michelle, Martha, Liz, Jaime. I don't know how to pronounce your name. Pam, Rubb, Rubb Barb, Martha, Paul, Rose, Ellie, Neverly, New, Angela, Christine. Everyone, thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful, fantastic evening. Be well, take care, bye now.


And I always have to watch the screen. We're live. Okay, very good. What's up guys drew here that anxiety guide calm back again with Billy from anxiety United in the UK. How long sup bill. So we are going to continue our anxiety 101 series this morning and we're going to do we're going through an article that I wrote many years ago I will link the article in the video description on the website wherever you're watching so you can go check it out and we're going through an anxiety 101 article that I wrote many moons ago we're just kind of going section by section today we're going to talk about symptoms which is a popular topic of course, but not so much talking about symptoms talking about how to not react to symptoms and that reacting to symptoms is one of the major things that fuels the cycling keeps things kind of upside down for you. So, like I said you can read through the article follow the link we'll link that over there but Billy and his infinite wisdom watch talk about the poll you did on anxiety united video and we'll link Billy's video to So it's about I don't know it's probably about four three or four years ago maybe no it won't I'm telling the lie the poll was about three or four years ago the video was about a year ago. But we basically did a poll on the top symptoms that affect people so I made a list of symptoms that were popular amongst also for us or a lot and just told them to pick the one that was most prevalent for them the one that really affected them. And we just left the list and it we had over 5000 votes in the poll, and then I just collated the results created a video just putting them in order as we went. And we've got a list of the 10, and I don't know if we want to run through the list and just maybe touch on why they might happen but we don't want to spend too much time on actually focusing on why symptoms are happening because we're trying not to focus on them aren't we we're trying to get away from the reaction and they're not important. But from the list that the 10th one on there was headaches. Should I just run through the list? Yeah, let's run through the list and then break them down. We've got headaches. We've got dizziness. We've got jelly legs or weak legs. We've got heart palpitations sweating. I feel like I'm doing it like a chart here. It's not a chart. We've got tension and muscle aches, shortness of breath, digestive problems which covers all kinds of nausea, diarrhea or all the usual. Rapid heartbeat and the number one which was chosen by the percentage was like crazy off the scale and that was fatigue and exhaustion being the most common symptom that affected people. That's interesting. I think that probably is not so much a symptom of a panic attack but anxiety in general. Yeah, yeah, maybe the after effect of stress and exactly. So if you're always anxious and always at this high level it's natural to kind of feel worn out and beat up all the time so that makes sense. So I think when we go through and it was a pretty decent poll on your website and then Billy has a video that talks about these top 10 symptoms too. We'll link that so you can go watch it. And the reason why we want to go over these symptoms and we'll talk about a few of them and maybe why they happen for a little bit of reassurance. But this is not so much about comparing symptoms and really dissecting why we have jelly legs or weak legs. It's about learning to acknowledge how you feel physically, acknowledging the symptoms and then moving on and not focusing on them. So we're going to talk about them a little bit which is focusing but really what this video is all about is trying to learn to not react to them and not focus on them. That's the point. Yeah, so we wind up in a situation where we start to feel these things and we'll use these 10 as a pretty good example. I'm sure that there's 100 others that if you're watching the video or listening to this podcast I'm sure you can have 20 other symptoms into this mix. And that's the problem isn't it? It is. We'll always miss something and somebody will then think oh god this must be something else because they haven't mentioned. You do get that quite often. That's not the case. We could sit here all day. We could. We could actually do. We could probably do a year worth of videos. Just one symptom per video and just keep going. So maybe what we should do is talk about that a little bit. You know, I think we, one of the most popular topic that I think you would agree with this that I see online where people gather to talk about anxiety and panic and things like that is comparing and checking symptoms. Yeah, definitely. By far, medication is also a big one. What can I take? What can I swallow? But I think does anybody feel is the number one question? Does anybody get this? Yeah. Yeah. I need to know that I'm not the only one. Exactly. And I think it's pretty normal. It's pretty normal. People we want validation for the way we feel. We want reassurance that we don't have some special form of anxiety or some real disease that's going to kill us. So I think that makes sense.  And that's pretty normal. But once you've started to understand the explanation behind them and you also hear that, hey, there's 10,000 other people within an arms reach that also get jelly legs or weak legs. Once we understand those facts, if you will, about the symptoms, then it's time to learn to just not react to them, right? Yeah. Definitely. So if we go, we talked about maybe going through a few of these to just sort of explain them away. And I think we can use that as sort of an example of how you go through this process. Yeah. We could maybe talk about the numbness and tingling, which is a big symptom for a lot of people. So let's kind of walk everybody through this. So you're experiencing anxiety or panic and you're new to this game.  I had this exact same thing on Saturday night. Sure. It's very, very common. So yeah, yeah, it was what do we do? Right.  You may wind up in a hospital. You think you're dying and perfectly normal. Everybody goes through that phase. But when it happens again and again and again, what do we do? So what causes the nimble? The first thing you probably wind up doing is you'll go to forums, you'll reach out to other people and say, who else has this? Yeah, yeah. Right. Who else has this? And then you're likely to find a million people who say, I have it too. And then you'll also start to find explanations as to why you have numbness. I cannot say the word numb today.   That's your breathing. So I learned that the hard way during a wicked panic attack like my sophomore year at college. Right. A long time ago. I'm not going to say the year, but... And I remember my nose started tingling, my lips started tingling, my hands and feet started to go numb. My hands actually kind of, you could see the camera, kind of went up in this position, like in a claw. Yeah, yeah. And my toes cramped up. Yeah, yeah. And I thought for sure I was done for. And we can explain that away because that is over breathing. So when you're... When you're doing that or when you're doing... And you're sighing over and over to try and relax. You're over breathing.  And that is a common symptom of hyperventilation. Absolutely 100% predictable. That is what your body will do if you over breathe. Which so many of us do when we get into a panic situation. And it's a simple explanation. Right. And you probably find it across the board. Yeah. Being far off. Simple explanations for pretty much all of the symptoms and sensations in it. Hmm. I just got a odd message. Yeah, it's true. So let's follow numbness and tingling to the logical conclusion that we're trying to get to here which is not reacting to it. So now you've experienced it even if it's new to you. You search it out, find it that other people have it on the internet. You find out what the explanation is for numbness and tingling. And in fact, if it were to continue to happen and you would keep over breathing, you would just pass out from hyperventilation and it would go away. And you'd be perfectly safe. So now what do we do next? So now you're getting into an anxiety situation. What do you do? The thing for me usually. Oh yeah, yeah. The thing for me though is though once I've seen the reassurance or read and find the explanation, a couple of days will pass and then it will just move on to something else and we'll go again. And the cycle continues. I think that's people get so frustrated with. You'll have one certain symptom. You'll read about it. Maybe it will just pass in time naturally as it would anyway. And then you'll get onto something else. But then when you come because it's like a loop and you come back to the tingling fingers next time you have this, because you've now learned something else, you forgot what caused this and you just go again. That's what it does for me. That's a really good point. That's a really good point. So for you, once you kind of learn what it is and you've got that reassurance and you can explain it, you stop reacting to that. But you move on to the next. Yeah, yeah, that's how it feels. I've just got to throw this out because I know I'll forget it. But during the last three weeks, I've been giving those who watched the video previously will see that I was caring for my dad when he came out of hospital. So I've been going to his house like three, four times a day, getting out of the house, spending hours at his at a time and not thinking about myself. But the last week has been a bit more difficult like I've been doing his shopping and we've been eating a few takeaways, going through drive-throughs and that. But the thing that I've been using in my head is just telling myself that I love whatever it is that's happening. So, example, I was sitting in the drive-through to you at McDonald's the other day and I was feeling the weird sensations that I get when I'm sitting there. And I just said to myself, I love feeling like this. And it really, it was weird. The power that it gave me just because I love this. I love feeling like this. And any symptom that I've come across for the last like week I've just thought to myself, I love it when this happens. And it's really made a complete difference on the way that I've sort of carried it over. I've not thought about it. I've not dwelt on it. I've just like accepted I love feeling like this, whatever it's been. That weird. No, that's actually really, really excellent because if we follow through the numbness and tingling to the conclusion here which is to learn to let it be there and not react. What we're talking about here is not going into oh my God mode. Oh my God, I'm tingling. Right? So, okay, you notice it. My nose is tingling. My lips are tingling. Move on. My philosophy would generally be you just have to let it be there and don't react, don't engage in an inner dialogue. Start talking about it with yourself. Don't start analyzing it. Don't wish it away. Don't white-knuckle through it. Oh my God, I can't wait till this is over. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Just let it be there. That's exactly the opposite. Right. And I think but your strategy you've come up with. I've just been welcome. Right. Come on in. It's just as good. So for me, it's kind of a do, I try and do nothing and just let it go but yours is good. It's really good. Like bring it. Come on, bring it. Bring it. Yeah, yeah. Love it. I have used that from time to time and recently I just used that. I know there's somebody probably listening or watching right now that knows it has seen me do that. Right. It's almost an anger thing for me. When I use that, I get into that mode where it's like, that is all you got. Like you've got to bring it. Yeah.  So I try and get angry at it and ask for more and you're right. It tends to almost diffuse things really quickly. The only problem that I have like it, I was, I went to the shop with my wife like a couple of days later. Right. We're walking down the shop and I'm feeling a bit edgy and she's like, come on, you love this.  I could say you can't. Time and a place. No, no. I'll say, I'll say when I love something. That is, that's really funny, but that's good. So we're talking about not reacting to symptoms. And you know, I didn't expect to take this twist, but in a way there can be a positive reaction too. I was just going to say, yeah, just don't react negatively then. Exactly. So you're going to react in fear.  And you have to learn how to do that. Or you're going to react like you did. Confront it. You know, I love, I love feeling like this. I love when I can't feel my lips. It's awesome. Some people pay to feel like that. You know, okay. So let's talk about that for just a quick second. That is true. That is very some people pay to feel like that. So, you know, lightheaded, floaty, unsteady. There are people who pay good money to buy substances that make them feel like that on purpose. So that's a pretty good perspective right there. And it's all about how we interpret things. Yeah, yeah. So one of the things that I wrote in the article if you're reading through is, I mean, I gave a couple of examples. So if you're, let's talk about short of breath because that's a big one. So if you're feeling short of breath, just let it happen. Right. So there's a couple of ways that you can go that. What would happen?  I've done all of those things. Yeah. What I tend to do with shortness of breath is it's hard to ignore feeling like you can't breathe. It's probably one of the hardest things to ignore because survival is what it is.  So I might not be breathing very effectively because I'm in freak out mode, but I can control this when I want to. And then, then I move on. So with tightness of the chest, the same situation I used to find I would be poking and prodding and trying to like find different positions that it would go away and they get all kinds of crazy stuff. And what I was doing is trying to escape it and I was giving it a whole lot more power than it used to be. And the same thing with the hot and cold flashes, the same situation if I get really cold I would run to the air conditioning doctor, a fan, or, you know, I'd want to take my shirt off or something like that. And those are rituals that survived for a long time for no good reason. They're still in my repertoire but same situation you have to learn to just be hot or just be cold. There was one for me the other day. My daughter had a bike for her birthday and I was putting it all together like fixing the seat and the handlebars and stuff. And when I finished it it was so much, it was so weird I just felt like I could barely stand. My legs felt really weak. Interesting. But then, yeah, I tried not to give it too much attention but this is again reacting in a positive way. I stood here and just started doing squats and stuff just to prove to myself that my legs were fine. And then after I'd done that I don't know whether I just hadn't woke up properly or whatever but I just convinced myself that they were fine. I still had strength so I am kind of reacting but I'm trying to do it in a positive way and I confirmed to myself that I'm in no danger with back to that. Yes. Reassuring that statement in my mind. That reaction, that is a very positive reaction because it's the same reaction that if you're working with a behavioral therapist who's helping you with CBT, cognitive behavior therapy those are exactly the things that that therapist would ask us to do. So, because really you're challenging your thought like okay my legs feel slightly different than they did five minutes ago. I'm worried about this. I'm afraid of that so I need to challenge that thought and how can I challenge it? Well, I'll prove to myself that my legs are pretty fine by doing some squats. So it's really solid or I feel like I can't breathe but hang on let me take an actual breath. I can breathe. I'm fine. So rather than just using the reaffirming statement in your mind you're actually performing an action. Yes. And so sometimes that's good. Like you know I have had to say to myself many times like hey look I'm still standing upright or I'll walk across the floor very slowly and deliberately and say look I'm in perfect control of what's happening right now. Yeah, yeah. Let me pick up this phone spin it around and put it down. Look I totally but there's that fine line between challenging your thoughts through action and distracting yourself. Yeah, yeah exactly. So why do we not want to react to symptoms really? What's when we react to them what happens? We're empowering them aren't we? We're making them believe and we're also making ourselves believe that whatever we're doing to stop it or to distract is going to keep it away forever I guess. Yes, that's true. That's not the case is it? And they're not important. That's the main thing is that then they're normal physiological responses to stress or adrenaline or whatever it is. Sure. It's normal and everybody would experience it. And I think you know when you wind up in a doctor's office or hospital emergency room with a panic attack and how many times have the you know nurses and doctors look at you you figure your one heartbeat away from the grim reaper and they're all looking at you like it's just Tuesday to them. There's no urgency at all and you just you know we've seen this a million times your body's supposed to be doing this right now so you know in a way yes and so when we when we pay them heat or we react negatively oh my god trying to escape them trying to fix them trying to get away from them you're right we're reinforcing a mistaken belief here. What a question. Yeah. Do you think do you think that people that suffer with anxiety and that they feel the sensations more or is it just because we're more aware so is the the rapid heart if I have a freak out because a car's coming towards me am I going to feel worse symptoms than a person that's never had panic and a car's coming towards them or is it going to be exactly the same it's just that because I'm thinking about it so much that it would feel worse to me or what I think I suppose the body's response is the body's response and I guess right whoever so and I try to think about that all the time so you know if my heart is beating at 140 beats per minute it's the same as your heart beating 140 beats per minute it's the same exact thing I think I think you know what I used to have and I still have them sometimes if I let myself get run down I get an irregular heartbeat it's completely benign it's perfectly fine they call PVCs, benign PVCs and every human heart has PVCs from time to time and when it was explained to me by it was explained to me by multiple cardiologists way back in the day it's an abnormal part of a healthy heart we all have them you just don't always feel them but when I'm run down when I'm anxious when I'm completely focused on my own body I feel them like acutely whereas somebody else when I describe it will say oh yeah sometimes like I feel like I have to cough it's like a little flutter that's all that's the only thing they think oh yeah once in a while that happens to me they don't think about it at all and so I think that we may we experience our symptoms more severely than other people normal people are experiencing those same sensations because we are so focused on them that's my theory it's the awareness yes I don't know if they're any more severe a human heart beats the way a human heart beats you know when we're in an adrenaline there's not that much variation in how our bodies react really so I just think when we focus on them we magnify them in our head and that's perhaps where the problem with the safety stuff and the distraction and focusing so much when we make them seem so much or we're so aware and they just become everything your whole focus is symptom focused it's just everything it is so the key is to lose the reactions to those symptoms and just get away from it and in certain ways decouple the symptoms in a way the symptoms themselves are not the disorder we talked about this last time you made that point and it's spot on they are not so when you have a racing heart or weak legs or you're dizzy or depersonalized all the time or any of the on our list here we're shaking through clearing that sort of stuff that doesn't that's not your anxiety those are symptoms or manifestations of the anxiety that's not the disorder so I try and decouple them and think like well if somebody on the side of the road just had a narrow escape they almost had a horrific car accident they may be sitting in their car right now with their heart pounding and they're sweating and they're all keyed up and they're nervous and that person is feeling the same exact things that I might be feeling right now but they're not afraid of that they're not afraid of that it's just fine my heart's supposed to be beating right now it's nothing they're more concerned with the fact that they almost get hit by a giant truck to be fair if you'd nearly been hit by the truck you would be probably thinking the same way they had because I find when I'm in a situation that's sort of beyond your control you deal with it so much better and suddenly you become normal in a way like oh yeah wow that was a really close call I almost got slammed to the side of the road by this giant truck and you know I'll feel anxious and my heart might be racing but there's no anxiety involved in that you're not standing there thinking oh god here we go again jeez that was close right and then you're really focused outward onto the event that caused the problem to begin with so yeah there's a lot to that so let's talk about how because we're getting on 21 minutes now I know we can ramble you and me so let's talk about how to start ignoring your symptoms your solution is pretty good I like it like the positive reaction challenge it accept it yeah yeah I'm trying to make it sort of a thing where I'm not sitting there saying I love this love this you know I'm just saying as soon as it happens or as soon as it enters my head I just use it and then I just get rid of it sort of thing so I'm not using it as a distraction it's not I'm not sitting there saying I love this love this yeah and constantly thinking about it I'm just saying it and moving on with it so that's what's working for me at the moment well that's not bad I think it's a good approach like you are you're going to acknowledge it my heart's racing and that's it so you might take it another way yep my heart's racing I love feeling this way and that's it and then you move on but the way we do this is with our coping techniques that we talked about I think we already did coping techniques breathing relaxation clearing your mind I believe we talked about that a while ago I used it I used it on Saturday night I'd been at my dad's and came home and I was hungry on the bed for like five minutes I didn't have any plan to come back downstairs or to do anything I hadn't eaten at that point and that's something with me like when I'm hungry I start getting sensations it's weird but that's another day but I just lay there for five minutes cleared my mind just regulated my breathing and then I was up and I came back downstairs and everything was absolutely fine so rather than spending two hours freaking and then probably ending up doing exactly the same thing just chilling out for five minutes but doing that straight away even when I was I could feel it building sort of thing I did it straight away and then it was done and there was no panic and I just carried on I think that's great and that's an illustration of you pop upstairs lay down and it sometimes is the hardest thing to do because what you're basically saying is I'm not gonna move I'm not gonna pace I'm not gonna run I'm not gonna fidget I'm not gonna when you do that you lay yourself horizontal close your eyes you have no choice but to be in those symptoms they're just gonna be there yeah yeah and that is super valuable to learn how to do that and just breathe and just let them wash over you I weren't sure whether that was sort of being defeated though like should I have just sat downstairs and just let it go and let the panic come over but I don't know whether like that's a tough one to call I don't I would not call that being defeated at all I would call that progress because I did do something to react to them but the thing that I did I don't know the best way I could I could answer that would be when I had to first learn how to do these things I would have a certain I'd have to you know try and find a quiet spot away from people I might be lower light there were a lot of requirements for me able to do this but as I got better at doing it like I could be having a wicked panic attack right now and you would have no idea so exactly the more yeah the more that you do that and learn how to get in that mindset you could do it anywhere yeah so you're learning the skill or perfecting it so now you did it upstairs lying down in your bedroom but you know if you do it enough you'll be able to do it sitting in a chair in your kitchen then you'll be able to do it in your car or in the supermarket it won't matter so no not a defeat at all I would say no when you say it like that it's yeah yeah so learn what works yeah so I think the bottom line here and I feel like we rambled a lot but I think we've tried to acknowledge the symptoms everybody goes through go online check to see everybody else has it get validated understand what it is explain it and then learn to use your coping skills or an active response like you have bring it I love this to just let it be trying to beat away your symptoms is bad that the beating away or the running from the symptoms that's actually the disorder like I'm terrified of this I need to save myself from this that's the disorder so and that is anxiety yeah you're becoming anxious about something else as well as not being able to go out the house or whatever it is yeah you're now scared about going out the house or sitting at home being dizzy right yeah because in the end being scared to go out of the house is all about how you might feel when you go out of the house if I go out of the house I might get dizzy so I can't go you know so yeah once we learn to not react to them and just let them be there we've taken the power away and when you don't feel when you don't fear you make a huge a giant giant leap forward because I think we have to acknowledge before we wrap it up I think the difference between saying for instance I'm afraid to leave my house I'm afraid to go to the supermarket if you've been in a supermarket where there was a shooting that's a different animal you may you have actually you've experienced real danger in a supermarket and you can quickly develop that phobia but when you don't want to go into the supermarket because you're afraid that your legs will wobble and you'll have to hang on to the cart or that you might pass out that you know because you don't want to go to the supermarket not because there's danger there it's because how you might feel so stop being afraid of how you feel just feel that way yeah and so that's the case that we can't react to symptoms that's what this one is all about that's it that's it think we need to add anything else to this one no just I don't like the search in the forums I know I don't think people should do it I think maybe if you can speak to your doctor just to get that reassurance but going back and constantly seeking I don't think it's not beneficial I think once you know the answer whatever you just got to trust in it trust yourself I think there's we talk about Occam's razor all else being equal the simplest explanation is usually the one and that's a real thing that's a real scientific principle or at least a logical principle and so once you've seen 100 other people say I get a headache too or I get tired too or I get numb and tingly as well well move on so my philosophy on that is in the beginning everybody's going to search and Google and compare and that's normal but at some point you have to draw a line in the sand for yourself and say this is my limit I know why I'm numb I'm not going to look at that I'm not going to talk about it anymore because no doubt you'll probably come across one person that had something bloody serious and then that's it that's another downside of searching like especially a Google don't use Google yeah and it's really difficult WebMD you know all those things they're good sites but you know they're also trying to give you the most information possible so to find out that you know like having to clear your throat could also be something horrible yeah and when you're when you're sitting there suffering with a symptom you're going to describe it in search engines as horrific right like the whole world is spinning and you know and obviously it's going to come back with scary things but if you were to really put in I'm maybe over breathing right right but in the heat of the moment we're not thinking about too much over breathing yeah yeah we're just thinking that we can't breathe short of breath can't breathe yeah yeah but you can and after in terms of the breath thing after like four or five minutes of saying you can't breathe when does the logical brain kick in and say well yeah yeah I have been not breathing for ten minutes that sounds silly right when you say it but I'm still able to type yeah right I'm typing I'm texting like how could I of course I'm breathing if I wasn't breathing I wouldn't be able to do these things so yeah so the key here is to take the power away from the symptoms and stop reacting in fear once you learn how to do that you make a huge leap so the next episode we're going to do is sort of accepting that there's no comfortable way to do that and that plays into this a little bit like just sitting with those terrifying symptoms is horrifically uncomfortable but there's no other way so we'll talk about that in the next episode yeah yeah let's wind up because we're now going on in about a half hour um as usual symptoms yeah as usual symptoms we can talk about it for days and days and days what do we how are people going to find us how are they going to find you Billy they want to know more are you breaking up on me dude they can find yeah yeah yeah yeah twitter twitter.com you got me I got you now you're back yeah you're back right yeah facebook youtube that's okay it's always anxiety united all the all anxiety dot com sounds good I'm thinking of redoing the website but I don't like the website of them I don't like the idea of the social thing it's just not I don't know it's tough it's tough to compete with facebook facebook own social exactly that's it I was thinking and maybe this is completely off topic but just like content sharing like images and motivational stuff maybe they can sure anybody wants to check it out they can anxietyunited.com .co.uk either of those two yeah so you can find me at thatanxietyguy.com you can listen to all the podcasts there youtube.com thatanxietyguy same thing on twitter facebook blah blah blah and as always if you have comments or questions throw them at one or both of us down below I will link Billy's channel on my version of this video I'm sure he will do the same back at me I'll link Billy's symptom video too all means add to the view count and I guess that's it we'll be back next time yes alright dude I'll talk to you in a little bit


Hey, fellow buddies. Thanks for watching. I have a plush update for you. We talked about this in another video It sold for hey fellow buddies. Thanks for watching Amazing right all right, let's get started $950 I am so so excited let's get started All right, you guys a while back I got a video from the Cajun reseller and this is what it looked like Hey, Bolo buddies. My name is Chris Cajun reseller and I like plush my Bolo for this video is a plush of course I went to Goodwill one day and found a $2 jelly cat now Can you guess which jelly cat it is? If you guessed Fergus the frog you would be correct this guy right here Fergus the frog jelly cat That is the jelly cat tag He is worth over $800. I found him at Goodwill for two bucks and I couldn't pass them up You've probably seen videos on this guy before Courtney's done a video. I've done a video I'm sure other resellers done videos as well So make sure if you ever see jelly cat Fergus pick them up most jelly cats are worth a decent amount of money He's definitely worth the most out of all of them and never pass up plush always looking plush You never know when you're gonna find one worth a lot of money He sent this to me for the this is my Bolo challenge Not really challenge but collab video that I do and I'm like but did it sell and he's like no it hasn't sold yet He's like I haven't offered but I don't know if I'm gonna take it and there was like this whole story behind it And I'm like can you send me something that sold so he ended up Resubmitting a silverware Bolo, which was really fantastic. You guys can catch that in the this is my Bolo video But anyway, I have an update for you. He sold the plush and it was a jelly cat And I did a video on jelly cat that looks like this definitely go check that out And in that video, I talked to you about big money Bolo jelly cats to look for that sold on ebay This video is going to be a little different. So stay tuned and Let's get started. All right. First off Let's go over and check out Cajun reseller. He is the plush king. That's what it says right here And if you look right here, it says this plush sold for $950 well, it is fergus the frog and we know that because I just showed you the video that he sent us um Just an incredible sale and it sold on mercury you guys Are you selling on mercury? If you're not you should definitely consider it because mercury is a great platform for plush It's a great platform in general, but plush. I have seen some high dollar sales on mercury lately I do have a link if you want to join mercury down below and if you join you'll get a ten dollar credit to shop But you'll also get a twenty dollar credit to shop once you list and sell a hundred dollars worth of items So that's like 30 dollars to shop just for signing up and selling some stuff, right? So that links down below that is my referral link and I also get a credit to shop Also when you buy something and then when you sell your items, so I would appreciate it If you guys would definitely use my linking code. All right, so here it is you guys. This is fergus the frog But there's going to be something a little shocking in this video Something that I found a little unexpected something that I don't think you can get away with on ebay And you probably shouldn't be doing on mercury either So we're going to talk about that once we get to it, but uh stay tuned for that All right, so this is fergus the frog you can see he's marked with the jelly cat. He's not very big you guys He's only 12 inches and he is just a cutie But this guy for some reason goes for nine hundred and fifty dollars. He sold it on the high end I think in my video that I did they were going in the seven hundred and fifty dollar range maybe eight hundred But go over and watch his video And he tells you what he paid for this and he also talks about other plush items that he sold It's a really fantastic video. So I will link it down below in the description All right, so let's move on to the next one the next one that sold is this um, and again These are all mercury sales. So if you're not familiar with mercury how it works is somebody buys your item Those funds are put on hold automatically. So the sale is good and done They get their item. They have three days to rate you if they don't rate you within that three days mercury releases that money to you because mercury is holding that money Okay, it's not in the possession of the person buying it Now if they rate you sooner like as soon as they get it then those funds are released quicker So if you buy something on mercury always rate your um sellers so that they can get paid quicker So this is a jelly cat woodland fox three hundred and ninety dollars on that guy Here's this little tag What on earth? Oh, you know what? I this might be a bundle It looks like they got a fox and a bunny for three ninety. Okay fox and bunny three ninety That's the hard thing with mercury because sometimes people bundle and it's a little bit confusing Yeah, see reserve listing do not purchase. Sorry about that you guys. So i'm not sure This is a plush reserved for janet and this looks like it is definitely a single. Here's your little tag This seems like a really little plush and it's a little lamb. I think that's a lamb description No description really so three hundred and fifty dollars on that There's your little tush tag. Okay, this one is called little jelly cat This is the jelly cat bundle of dragons The dragon is definitely one to be on the lookout for I talked about that in the other jelly cat video I did Oh my goodness. These are just incredible. These are the rose colored ones. These sold for three hundred and forty dollars And the buyer paid shipping there are other dragons that also do well. So if you see a dragon, definitely look it up This is rose blossom jelly cat I think bunny would have been a good word in the title It seems like over on mercury like sometimes you can get away with like not having as much in your title and items still sell for big Money three hundred and forty dollars on this one. Maybe because it's not as flooded. There's less competition. I'm not really sure Here's another uh jelly cat medium bashful plum bunny. This one sold for three hundred And it looks like it's got uh the original tags on it as well so If I get a plush and it has the tags and I dig it out of the goodwill bins I will put pre-owned With original tags That is what I do. Um I don't know where these people got their plush. Maybe they bought them new from the store and have just been hanging on to them But if something's retired or vintage and it has the original tag I put pre-owned So let me know in the comments what you do. Do you uh Market is pre-owned with original tags or do you put new with tags? Here's another dragon that went for two ninety nine Here is a set of bar thalamu. Oh, this is such a hard word Bar thalamu Let's try it again bar fallam bar bar thalamu bar fallamu bear collection There's three of them here and these sold for two ninety nine super cute Um, what's great is the tag is still attached. So, you know exactly what you have um And these are new with tags. So that is going to increase the value jelly cat bashful bunny pecan maple bundle This is also a bundle. Let's see Uh maple and pecan. So two of them for two hundred and ninety dollars This is uh Jelly cat bashful bunny really big made from brand new really big bunny Hand dyed bermuda ombre color. This is a hand dyed bunny made by me Okay, so this is interesting. This is a custom Bunny now, I know on ebay If you customize something the companies do not like you using their name So um an example is like furbies people are customizing them So I've heard that you can get like a I don't know if it's a vero or a policy violation if you customize things I don't know if that stands true over on um Um Poshmark and mercari or if that's just kind of an ebay thing that somebody from the actual company has gone after you Um because you have done that I have a whole bunch of vero videos items to not sell on ebay. Definitely check out that series There's probably six or seven of them right now My facebook members share those and then I put them in video format to help us all learn So this is definitely really really pretty Let me know what you guys think about the tie dye bunny here Pretty cool, huh? All right, this one is a jelly cat special edition truffles And he is a mammoth How cool is he? He looks like a pillow pet kind of right how he's all laid out 275 on that one Jelly cat rare iris bunnies. So two new with tags were tired. So again I don't know probably pre-owned with tags is how I would do it, but I may not be uh, you guys may feel differently. Let me know Those sold for 260 the set here is another one. Okay. Are you ready? First it says do not buy reserved for whoever that is jelly cat furgus the frog you guys this sold for $250 Cajun reseller just sold his for 950 Do your research do it I mean this person even put jelly cat furgus the frog pre-owned great condition. No stains or holes hard to find approximately 14 inches What a steal of a deal $250 so somebody probably bought that and flipped it The next item. I just love these. I almost want this for myself. They're little bigfuts They're so cute. Uh, this one looks kind of like a little owl So they are the monster collection and they sold for 249 again They've got their original tags. They're super cute This is another dragon and this one says reserved. This is dexter the dragon And this one says brand new a tag never cuddled was placed in a breathable plastic and then placed in the closet so um They said it was never used $240 Reserved rare jelly cat smudge lion. I don't know why they say reserved unless somebody says I can't buy it until tomorrow Or they negotiate a price and then they put reserved Uh, this one actually looks like it's got two here Let's see Hippo and lion so you got two of them here for 220, but that's still 110 a piece which is great These are the jelly cat amusable bag collection coffee to go Cloud toast and happy egg. Oh, they're so cute $215 on those All right, so here's what I was talking about you guys. This is a knockoff Of furgus the frog This is frankie lee And it says, um Portland plush and it really does resemble Um Furgy furgus furgus. I forgot his name furgus the frog, but he's got this little emblem here So here's what it says down in the description. Please read description carefully carefully jelly cat inspired furgus frog Not jelly cat. It's by a manufacturer named portland plush plush Frankie lee the frog does show in the back sewed a bit this um these These are handmade. I believe so stitching is original. Okay So they were completely honest, but here's what we're going to run into with this one They did not put it in the title which I respect um But on mercari when you search Anything in the description is pulled up. So on ebay that would be called keyword spamming um It's called something else also. No, well farm girl scavengers really good at all this stuff. Um, like you can't put Tiffany inspired like this is uh furgus the frog inspired on ebay. You cannot do that So be very careful. It looks like people are getting away with it on mercari, but um I I don't know. Um I probably wouldn't do it But this guy sold for $200 so Jelly cat wamper monkey squiggles monkey and small bashful gorilla. So this is another um, what is it a bundle? Yeah, there's two of them here. So two for 200 so 100 each It's a little monkey This is a jelly cat dragon and this one is also hand dyed. So this person is um Buying these and custom customizing them and I will tell you it's beautiful I mean, I love those colors. Wow. It's great. Um, $200 on that one And shawna bellies jellies. Let's see. Let's go in and view profile Um, are these her listings? How Huh, okay, I think they are So they're not all custom Looks like she sells tons and tons of plush But she does really great work on those original hand dyed jelly cats She said I have been hand dying for about 15 years. This is mixing my love and my passion. All my bunnies are hand dyed with love and care That's really cool. Um I was trying to see more of the hand dyed ones Is this one hand dyed Let's see. Yep hand dyed Up in the clouds is what this one is called They're really pretty. She does a good job. I love them All right, you guys now if you want any hand hand dyed bunnies, there you go All right jelly cat fluffy pumpkin Extremely rare and hard to find you guys. This is a little teeny tiny pumpkin sold for $200 Halloween edition extremely rare only one online currently 200 bucks This is a rare jelly cat truffles the red elephant sold for 180 and it's kind of one of those that lays flat also kind of like a pillow pet or I don't know what they're I don't know what these are actually called but Yep, the red elephant is a good one 180. Here is another fergus the frog inspired plush Okay, so this person actually put fergus the frog inspired in the title Um, they did in the description say this is not by jelly cat It is a fergus copy made by portland company plush brand tags are cut off and hole has been sewn shut It's a very floppy plush in a dark emerald green color This one sold for 150 so um I I wouldn't do it. That's just me, but I don't know mercari. Maybe not as strict on the inspired but uh I don't know I know certain companies will come after you so I the um It just depends. Let me know what you guys think but anyway You can go over to mercari and you can search hide-alow. Okay Let's go into posh mark. Look at this. It's a little bat. So cute again. Go follow cage and reseller He's linked below. He is a plush bowlo finder. Here's another rose dragon. This one is over on posh mark This one sold for $254 Here is a jelly cat sasha snow tiger really big 150 This is a jelly cat huge barfollow mule. I just can't say it. I'm sorry. We're just gonna go with that I'm only gonna say it once this time sold for 140. So this is just one. The other one had all three And this one has the original tags as well Jelly cat huge rabbit bunny rare $115. I don't know. I don't see a size I wish that they put the size That's another thing I feel like on posh mark. It's a little less Strict than ebay, but people can ask down in the comments. This one's pretty cool Um really big amusable Christmas tree by jelly cat and when it I say amusable, this is what the tags Looks like it's got this additional amusables tag There it is and it's a Christmas tree sold for $100 Here is a jelly cat bungly fuzzy shaggy mouse.  It's a little cutie there, huh? Jelly cat london retired 12 inch bluebell bashful bunny And this is the iris color again sold for $100 that one looks to be pre-owned And the amusable plush plants five piece set now i'm telling you these are adorable $250 these sold for Anyone seen these or sold these? They're really really cute. I know you all want to go buy them now, right? Maybe not not for that price 250 bucks for some stuffed animals. What? All right, let me know in the comments Is there a plush that you would spend a lot of money on that you'd be willing to pay extra extra for? Um, thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you for watching Be sure to like comment subscribe and share and let me know how you found the channel and go subscribe to kajemri seller He's linked down below. Thanks for watching