Christmas evolved from the Roman holiday Saturnalia, a winter festival where men gave gifts to each other.  People would act so crazy on Christmas, the holiday was outlawed by the Protestant Church until the 1800s. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Procrastinators podcast, a podcast of a bunch of people on the internet talking about things they like and dislike. I'm the best guy ever and today we're joined by such characters as Hippocrite. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. Tom Oliver's here. I'm dreaming of a white Kwanzaa. That's the dream, that's the real dream. The Davoo is here. I think even the word holiday is offensive because it implies holy, thus divine. Let's just use festive. Come on guys, be PC. And Digibro is here. This is the dining of the rest of our life on holiday. Who is that? Blink? That's Green Day. Green Day, that's right, that's right. They're like the same band. Anyway, right guys we're talking about holidays.  I hope that you're having a good one. This will be out, this is out after Christmas, before New Year's, so right in that sweet spot. Before the important one, which is New Year's. New Year's is the only holiday I care about. I see that makes sense. That's like the exact same holiday because they sort of meld into one another. Yeah, the holidays are an amorphous blob. I don't think of them that way, it's a whole week between them.   Yeah, right. I mean we're busting this nut wide open and revealing all the secrets within on all holidays here. This is going to be, I assume we'll spend most of our time on Halloween. It's the most important one, it's the most relevant one, you know, hippo nose. It's probably the only one significantly rising in popularity still, where all the other ones are sort of on a public opinion decline I would say. It's a slutty ween and whatnot, has really brought it to the mainstream.  Okay, so a holiday. Here we go.  Laws. Yeah, yeah. My favorite part about holidays is how being single is considered a disease. There you go. All right. Was that all in the Urban Dictionary definition or was that just you responding to it? No, no. That's in the definition. That's in the definition. Okay. Also, a British term for vacation. Just, I've always thought that was weird. Some Americans say that too. We don't have vacation as a word, I guess. We go on holiday to summer places. In Harry Potter, when they had like summer holiday and they're going on holiday and whatnot, it was very triggering. Are we going to make sure to keep this to like nationally recognized holidays? I think just the big ones, like Christmas, Halloween. Because Halloween's not even technically a holiday. Nobody gets off and work on Halloween. True. My favorite holiday is the eclipse, is the solar eclipse, but see it's not the Earth solar eclipse. It's the Mars solar eclipse that I calculate using, I triangulate the position of the sun and the moon in the sky. Wait, Mars doesn't even have a moon. Never mind. I thought that was going to be hilarious, but I was in fact in the pool. Mars could already eclipse the sun if it tried hard enough. Does Mars have a moon? Is that accurate? Aren't Mars' moons like just a little asteroid though? It has like two moons.  The Earth is like the only... All right, so anyway, talking about holidays.  God. Um, we really want to go through them in order or something? Let's go from most woke to least woke holidays in order. Everyone's like currently on Google like searching a list of holidays. Like what are these things again? The only ones that matter are the big ones. If you can't recall them off the top of your head, they don't matter. But big holidays are relative because in America, Thanksgiving's a big one, but I'm sure to you Thanksgiving is not even real. America is the only place that matters.   And I generally hate it because I don't get it. I don't get... You just don't like it as black in the title. Do you know why they call it Black Friday? Oh, hippo, do you know why they call it Black Friday? I don't know how... I don't know if this is something that everyone knows or not a whole lot of people know. Why it's called Black Friday? I know. Tell us.  I heard this from a false source and this isn't the reason, like every knowledge in the world. There are conflicting claims. I don't know whether or not it's true because I know why it's called that. Yeah, because you heard it from the real service.  And so they named it after their own relieved desire to finally have Black on the bottom line of their revenue. And that's what's called Black Friday.  So that's basically the whole retail industry is completely circled around the whole holiday season. It's like literally their business model, which is part of a whole holiday creep that I want to get into toward the end of this. Oh yeah, that's the most important thing I wanted to talk about on here. Me too, yeah. In fact, I kind of want to skip straight to that because like... Can we? Yeah.   No one knows what it's about other than the pools closed. Like that's all that I know about Memorial Day. The pools closed. Yeah.  Yeah, definitely. Oh wait, do the pools open or close on Memorial Day? Which one is earlier? That's like only open on Memorial Day. The fact that you don't even know just proves your point that it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's because they close on Memorial Day and open on like Veterans Day or something like that. Like those are like the bookends of summer. I have no idea what you're talking about. In America, pools open and close based on the holidays.   I mean, I guess we have like military days as well. Yeah, we've got Veterans Day where you celebrate Veterans Memorial Day, which is where you cry because people died.  Yeah, that's right. Martin Luther King Day, no one cares. But the holidays we have that matter are like New Year's, Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving.    Stop, stop, stop. No one wants this. No one wants this. Okay, if there was able to like sort of spread out the joy of the holiday season in a way, I mean, perhaps that'd be nice, but really all it seems to do is cheapen it. Yeah, absolutely. It's because it's not done to increase the appeal and like the good feelings of the holidays. It's to maximize you spending money. That's why it feels so cold. As much as people can debate whether or not the mythological cultural figure of Santa Claus really exists, there is one highly doubted mythological figure that does exist. It's called the Slippery Slope.  And in this case, it's retailers became dependent on the holiday season to make money, so they just take more and more and more and more and they just cannot help themselves.  It is obscene. Do you know that Santa Claus used to be green? But then Coca-Cola made you red. Did you know he's not called Father Christmas any time anywhere other than your country? Oh, what? I mean, they call a lot of things in a lot of different countries because he's a weird amalgam of a million things. When I was a kid, we called him Father Christmas because it's like Father like a religious thing, but I just thought it was like Dad Christmas or something. Lol. And then Santa Claus was like, oh, that's the American one, but then everyone says Santa now. On Christmas, we celebrate the fact that Santa is your dad for the day. Well, you know, it's funny. And Munchie stays up all night getting ready to steal him as soon as he comes down. Oh, getting ready to feed his father for one day. Oh, I actually think that retailers got so focused on Christmas that they killed Easter. Yeah, absolutely. When I was growing up, there was this holiday called Easter that I don't know if anyone still celebrates, but there was like a bunny and you had these eggs. You would like paint eggs like regular eggs. But then you would also have like fake eggs with candy inside of them that were hidden everywhere and you had to find those. Is this really like dead? We do this all the time. Like this is still a thing that doesn't... Do you still do Easter? I just don't think it's something that adults do much. I'm trying to explain this so that like modern children can understand because I don't know if they have Easter anymore. I think this is still a thing that happens because... I think explaining Easter is like explaining a Nintendo, like an NES game. I don't think it's that far gone, dude. Okay, well, perhaps. Me and my family, up until before I moved away, moved out to Ohio, me and my family would do our Easter egg hunt every year. And mostly it was just because my dad liked doing it and it was an excuse to get together. Do you think it's a holiday that only exists in families with kids? Yeah, absolutely. As soon as they grow up, it's not fun. Unless you're very religious, in which case, that's like a very sacred day. There's not enough... The problem with Easter is that there's not enough of like a party aspect attached to it for like adults to celebrate Easter. Yeah, I think the problem with it is that hiding eggs around the garden is time-consuming and I don't care. And sometimes you're like, are they going to get muddy? Am I going to be eating mud? I don't want to be doing that. Oh, I don't like about Easter. Is that it's becoming a light Christmas? At least that's my experience with it. It's more about like you have to...  But like slowly it's been like, well, we need to corporatize this to make money.  Wait, Tom, you still get presents on Easter in your family? Is that still a thing? I don't anymore. But like back when I was growing up, it did get more and more... Yeah, like I remember that. You have to understand Easter was a big deal here because I grew up Christian. I grew up Christian.  Yeah, to this every year growing up. As we all know when Jesus died on the cross, like a thousand bunnies showed up and cried and cried and a bunch of eggs were laid by the bunnies and that's why Jesus died. Wait, no, it was... I think this is detailed in the Professor Brothers lectures on Jesus.  Like don't get me wrong, like in our Christmas basket one day there was one magical morning when I woke up and we got Easter baskets with some candy and in Ben's basket, I believe was Mega Man X and in mine was Donkey Kong Country 3. Holy fuck! And it was like the most legendary Easter of all time. But I still don't understand why I was given those. I have never heard those. You could rename it SNESMOS at that rate. I've never heard of Easter presents. That's never been like a thing either. No, I mean, my parents didn't, man. I don't know. You can count the contents of the eggs as presents. Now, now quite unlike Hippo, I loved hiding the eggs. Like I would be the sole proprietor on egg-hiding duties.  It's got a demand on your time for an adult. It's more of a thing that can only be enjoyed by kids. Like you can still enjoy giving and getting presents at Christmas as an adult. Like when my family got a business and had a rural neighborhood that we lived in with a big yard, that's when I became an ultra bastard at my hiding techniques. I'd put eggs on like appliances where they like completely blend in where you can't see them. I'd put eggs like inside a broken part of a tree that you have to open. Davoo, you and I are in a unique position because we're older brothers. Easter is the most fun for an eldest brother for about two years. It's when you're like 12 and 13, when you're like right at the age where you're too old to have to look for the eggs because you'll find them immediately, but your little brothers are still kind of retarded. Well, the eggs I had, not even I would have found. I like... Well, it's sort of a way to... Your parents would never hide them that well. Your parents are just going to put eggs around and then your kid brother... You're going to find them all immediately. Your kid brother's not going to find any. So it's way more fun if you hide the eggs because not only will you do a better job, but now it's all on them. And there's probably some they won't even find and it's just going to be way more fun. But then as soon as they're old enough that they could hide the eggs themselves, there's nowhere to go from there. No, no, no one in my family extended or even acquaintances is as much of an evil person as me. I put an egg just straight up in the ground with barely a centimeter sticking out of it, right? Like barely like a millimeter sticking out of it, right? And but like... See, it's a win-win the thing with eggs because if they never find them, you get to forever enjoy the fact that they didn't find it and it's there, even though it's plastic rotting away for all eternity. And now they do find it, then you get to take a victory lap in your cleverness but because you've been exposed and now they get to see your logic. But the point is underneath that egg was another egg but like one inch further down. And underneath that... The Dark Souls. Yeah, yeah, I am the Dark Souls of Easter. That's what I'm saying. Incredible. I was just like, the gutters were always the best. Like putting in your ram gutter. But yeah, when I was a kid, there was a period where it suddenly became a toy holiday and I think that's what killed Easter because Easter was like the hiding eggs, candy, like simple. He spent like $15, $20 on Easter.     Our approach to these things with my family was more like we were always happy to have an excuse to like celebrate something or like buy things for each other because like I don't know, we're all cut through capitalists who are out to get each other and get the competition. I mean, not really, but like there was kind of that sentiment. And I personally think the real problem with Easter as a holiday is that it is too kiddy of a holiday, just in general in the ways I was saying before.  Only parents make everything happen. It needs more eggnog. They need something to make parents like invest in Easter as a thing. And I don't know what that would be, but it needs something. You ask adults why they like Christmas. They're like, oh, eggnog. A million reasons. Like I want rum in my, in my, in my wintry drink, you know, like it's all about excuses to drink. Well, think about this way. Halloween was probably like primarily capitol a child holiday for a long time.  Yeah. And now you're weird if you don't party.  Like that's like everyone doing it kind of thing. It's like, yeah. So at the rate we're at a second bit of this holiday. If you know some 20-somethings, there's going to be a Halloween party that you're invited to. Right, exactly. Yeah. So maybe eventually in the infantilization of society, I give it another generation or so, they'll be like, oh yeah, Easter.  Sweet. Let's do it, you know. And then you'll be weird if you don't do that. We could, we could talk about more about individual ones if you guys want to. But I have a larger point about holidays in general. And I do want to ask, who is, let's just a quick poll, who is pro holiday and who is anti-holiday? I'm pretty anti-holiday. Which is their word, no holiday. As a person who doesn't have like days on or days off, I don't really know what to think about it. I think it's good for kids. It's great for kids. It's lovely for kids. Keep them for that. And other than that, I think some people need time, people need time off, but I don't know about holidays generally. Like the festivities, you have to do the specific type of festivity. Like you have to make a Christmas roast. What if you don't like roast? What if nobody likes roast? I don't like turkey. If you don't like your family. You know, like, I would like time off of work, but I don't know whether I would like to dress up a tree every year. I know what you mean. To that effect, I want to pitch a holiday here real quick, which people have done a lot before, but I'm sort of reiterating their arguments, but I think it makes a lot of sense. All right, new holiday, everyone gets the day off. It's a national holiday, at least in America and probably everywhere. It is voting day. It is voting day when everyone gets the day off and you can go vote. It's easy. Nothing to worry about. You've got one thing to do. I think voting should take a whole week though. I don't think it should only be on one day. I think it's kind of fucked. But there is a day set aside where, if you can't, for whatever reason, you've got a day where you can do it. Because there's a reason for that. I'm surprised it isn't already a thing. Like it seems very dumb. It could be a reason. I'm sure some people oppose it because there is a measured, I'm sure some people have done studies on what it would be like if they did that and they found like, uh-oh, that means 50% more blacks will vote. Right, I was going to say, forget that. It's very easy to quell the working class if they're too busy working a 12-hour shift. Catafucking gorkly, politicians who make the laws and decide rules like that are all very comfortable with the exact mechanisms that got them elected. So there you go. Exactly, which is why these people cannot, it's ridiculous that we have the people making the decisions on how to do this stuff are also the ones like themselves. The people who no one's supposed to be in charge. It should be a separate body that decides this stuff. I got a separate body for you. That's just a- So, just a thing. So you answer your question of like, who's pro and anti-holiday? I am pro-holiday as an idea, but I think I'm anti a lot of the holidays that exist and mostly because they're just so like- homogenized and it's all the- Yeah, it makes everything the same.  And in my family over the last decade or so, we've done a lot of like experimental Christmas alternatives. For instance, in 2008, we celebrated Festivus, the made-up holiday from Seinfeld. And then for the next two years, I made up my own holidays. One was where we celebrated Hearth's Swarming Eve, the- Oh, yes! There was a whole video about it. One of the oldest videos on my channel was a 20-minute explanation and like- And I remember that. Like cataloging of what happens on Hearth's Swarming Eve. And I basically just took the stuff that happens in the show and like re-imagined it for what real people would do. You know? Right, yeah. Like, on Hearth's Swarming Eve, ponies all come together, unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, whatever. Being friends with each other, regardless of race, someone needs to remind these upstarts of their place. Hey! Hey! Fancy reviews. Like, go on. The thing with holidays is they're just dated.  That's the hardest part. It's like convincing people like, no, I like hanging out with my family.   Right, yeah. And it's the same Christmas music. 15 songs. Yeah, the same 15 songs re-imagined infinitely. And the worst part is that none of the re-imaginings are any good. It's all like the shittiest quality music playing. We go out. Divu, hold on a second. Let me do my rant.  And like, there was one, there's this one that's on the radio right now that I heard in the department store and it made me like feel like I was on drugs like more so than usual. Like, wow. Dude, did you guys know Digi broke those drugs? It was like this weird like, I don't know. It was like a feeling like, like the music was just bad in like a way that's like hypnotic.    I don't remember. It was one of the generic Christmas songs. Like one of the instrumental ones. It was like a really bad instrumental.  My thing with Christmas music that I only really thought about this year is regardless of the like comp, like regardless of the recording quality, is that you know how like in a song by the third time you get to the chorus, the singer is like doing it a little bit differently because that's how life works. The way with Christmas music is because I think this is like a subliminal subconscious thing that everyone's done. Is that because everyone's heard these songs thousands of times, they're sort of singing it as though it's the 2000th version of the chorus. So I'm not going to try and sing it, but I'll do the rhythm of like, I'll be home for Christmas. If only in my dreams. They sing it as like wrongly as possible because that's how you do it differently. That's how you stand out by doing it wrong. The jazz swing version. Now it's like jingle bells, jingle bells. It's like you can't make jingle bells sound cool.  Right, exactly. And the worst part is that it's playing literally everywhere. So like I go out to have like Chinese food and they're playing it at the Chinese food place and I'm like I was kind of trying to escape the American Christmas culture by coming to some foreign land, but no, there is no escaping it. Were they singing jingle bells in Chinese because that would have been cool.  I remember one year, I think it was 2012, he was like, guys, we seriously need some more Christmas songs.  Next Christmas, he said, yeah, there's nothing else to sing about Christmas. We're done. It's an expense idea. It's done with. So here's the thing about all the holidays, but mostly Christmas. They're dated, but the way they made, the way that they are celebrated now made sense for the baby boomers. It made sense back in the 50s and 60s. Back in the 50s and 60s, we had three channels on TV. Now we have a thousand. We had one flavor of pasta sauce. Now we have 20. We need more options. It's just too similar. So here's my proposal. We need a bright neon 80s style future to move back. We need 80s, neon holidays. We are now a culture of options and customization. So here's my proposal. Halloween and Christmas become merged because people want that anyway. So many people do Halloween stuff for Christmas. It's a terrible idea. I've never heard of that. We have to separate these. It's a fantastic idea. Are you saying that basically it's like a pick? Okay, the last three months of the year is holiday time, but you get to pick which holiday. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, you can do any combination that you want. You can choose your own adventure holiday. Yeah, that's exactly right.  Fuckin' turkeys. Yeah, and also, you know what? I didn't even think about this until this point.   Easter is already too samey.  Makes sense to me. And just make new years just like the... I think the problem with the holidays has become... Because I like the idea of holidays in concept, kind of like similar to what you were saying, Digi, is that I like the idea of just good times, good food, hang out with family, whatever. But the problem is because it becomes so corporatized, it just feels so fake. Like there's this omnipresent fake goodness that's really just an excuse to make you want to spend more money. Speaking of the corporatization of it, all right, this is a whole other bag of tricks we can get into here. I saw your podcast. I know where this is going. What podcast? I've no idea what you're talking about. The one you did with Rucker. Oh, yeah, of course. This is a slightly different point though. Oh, okay, forget it. Cut that out. Every day is like now is a holiday. Like they've gone through the calendar. They found it every single day. That's true. I have pulled up a list, everybody. I'm looking at it right now. What holiday is it right now? I'm happy to tell you. Today is the 23rd of December that we're recording on it. This is in fact Festivus Day. But it is also Roots Day. I don't know what that means, but it is Roots Day. Tomorrow, in addition to being Christmas Eve, is National Chocolate Day. And also, National Eggnog Day. Remember to go out when chocolate eggnog is. When you say national, is that an American? It's America. It is America. That's the time. I'm clean. There's an international... Just for the viewers, just for the viewers' enjoyment, this episode will come out on the 31st. And just so you know, listener, it is New Year's Eve and Unlucky Day and Make Up Your Mind Day, according to holidayinsights.com. So the thing is that all holidays now are just memes. Like all of these made up holidays that are like for every day of the year, they come from Facebook. Like someone makes a Facebook image meme that's like, oh, this is now National Cookie Day. And then everyone shares that because my mom shares all these. Like if it's something she likes, my mom will be like, oh, it's Cookie Day and she'll come home with cookies.  Right, it's one half meme, one half marketing. It's simply like, hey, we're a brownie company. Let's make sure what brownie day gets celebrated and lost. Brownie Day is National Brownie Day, where is it? The 8th of December, National Brownie Day. Fuck, damn it, I missed it. By the way, this really reminds me. I didn't realize that was the case. Gabe, you know how in One Piece, in the question and answer thing, whatever it's called, the SBS, Oda will just get someone will send a message and be like, hey, can this person's birthday be this day? And he's just like, sure, fine. It doesn't matter. Okay, it's exactly that arbitrary. Yes, so the world. Oh, I wanted to talk about my one other made up, my own version of Christmas. Because the corporateization is why my family kind of stopped celebrating mainstream Christmas, which they do again now because my parents, my dad grew up with it. My dad kind of likes having the tree and the decorations put in the presents under the tree. That's the main part of it he still cares about.  I like that, you know? Because in some of our weird made up holidays, it was usually just like they just, we just had like a big bag with gifts in it and we just kind of hand them out and it just doesn't have much drama to the actual gift giving. You just were Santa. You just had the bag itself.  One of the holidays I made up was called Agarwood Day and it was based around the band Agalodge who is a black metal band, but basically their music sounds like winter and I associate winter with the aesthetic of black metal as opposed to Christmas music, which is like the exact opposite. Me too. Yeah, me too. You know, I'm looking at the window right now.  I'm in New York, so it's like, it's snowing constantly and I'm like, this does not make me think, like, best Christmas I gave. This makes me think like, Mother North, you know? So like- It's the coziness though. When you're inside and it's snowing outside, it's the coziness of it. When you're by the fire and it's all warm, that's the fire play associated with it. But you don't stay inside cozily when there's snow.  Just to summarize it, the idea of Agrawaday was I would take an Agaloch song and interpret the lyrics as things that we could do on the holiday. Because our family's always been big about like the activities of a holiday. Like it's not so much about like the religion, the sitting around with your family or whatever, like we don't really do like the Christmas dinner so much as like, what are fun things you can do on a holiday? So like one we have for Christmas that we still do and I don't know about this year because I won't be there, but like we usually make a giant bonfire on Christmas coz we have like a fire pit in my backyard and we'll do this thing where we write down on a piece of paper like something we don't want to take with us into the new year and throw it into the fire.  That's like the opposite of like, the opposite of like the New Year's resolutions. Yeah, exactly.  Which incidentally, on New Year's, which I'll get into a lot, we have a lot of New Year's traditions, but my favorite one is that we take our champagne glass and like you're not supposed to drink the champagne until the ball drops, right? Like 10, 9, 8, you hit one, you drink.  So like you then drink it with the champagne. And you know, I've been having real good luck with, yeah, we all did that along with our other traditions which are donuts for some reason.  Like we each make our own party hat that like is supposed to encapsulate like everything you sort of did and were in 2016. Oh, you guys did that when I, I remember we were around for, when Radcon at the beginning of this year happened, those were still hanging around. Yeah, me and Ben and Jibu did that. But yeah, so that's why I love New Year's. I love that aspect. I love the creative aspect of holidays being like, with Easter again, the egg hunt, like that's a great idea of like, oh, we're going to hide eggs and shit like that. But the problem is that it ends up being just shit that everybody does and it's not necessarily what your family wants to do. Right. I think a lot of like what killed like Thanksgiving and Christmas for me is that like my extended family are all kind of like, we don't really get along with a lot of them and like they all kind of live far apart. So we don't have, like when I was a kid, it was like, oh, the whole family's here for Christmas. And I get that. I totally get why people would enjoy that. But when it's like just you and like, it's just your parents and kids and it's like, well, we all bought each other stuff, I guess, even though we're all in our 20s now. And like, you know, like when you were a kid, you only cared about Christmas because that's when you got a game console.  I think that, yeah, if it when I have kids, I think I'm going to try and like make loopholes to make them not care so much about the, about the getting shit of Christmas. Like I don't buy them a console when it comes out or when a good game comes out, you know.  Yeah, who knows. Yeah, well, fair point. Console gaming might have been up to 10 years. I've been thinking about the commercialization of Christmas.    I gave a gift that I knew my people, my family would want to them and I saw them open it and it was great. And I had one party and that's all I need. And everyone who goes beyond that is just somebody who I can laugh at. So it's like even funnier. So I like the commercialization. It's pretty good. Hippo, I'm glad you reminded me of this. A few weeks ago I was standing outside having a cigarette on my front porch and I looked down the road and a few houses down. I see a guy get out of his truck and he puts something on the ground and then slowly what inflates from the ground is an eight foot tall minion. Dressed as Santa Claus. It's like wearing like a Santa Helper hat. Eight foot, like a minion. I overheard the guy talking to his neighbor and he goes, the neighbor's like, oh my God, right? And he's like, yeah, she told me, I told her I wanted to get an inflatable. She said, I can only do it if it was a minion. And I said, fair game. What? Dude, on the line, it's around me.  Like there's one house that has like three minions in front of it.    Moms, everyone's mom.  There's just no two ways about it. It kind of is. I think my mom kind of thinks they're cute too. No, no, no. This is scientifically proven by me through my life. It'd be like, I'd go up to everyone, be like, what's up with all the minions? They're like, yeah, what's up with all the minions? What's up with Despicable Me? Why is this so popular? I don't know. Hey, mom, I love Despicable Me. I love the minions. They're great.  And moms, yeah, minions are mothers things. That makes sense to me. This reminds me of something about the holidays. It makes a weird kind of sense. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because the main character of Despicable Me like raises three adopted girls.   Yeah, but they only talk about and show and pick the little weird yellow guys. Nobody has merchandise of the characters of that movie. Well, because the minions are the distillation of the feelings that you feel when you watch, that a mother feels when they watch Despicable Me.  That'd be pretty sick. Especially if it does spin. Dude, only if you could actually like, imagine having a giant inflatable spin. If it's fun. If it's fun. Yeah, actually spins. That'd be pretty fun.  I just want that Ajit Pai meme as an inflatable. It is inflatable, right? On my lawn. He's very festive. That might do it. But Tom, what were you saying, dude? I was just going to say lawn ornaments.  Like the try-hards who like deck their entire house out and like all these lights and all these decorate. There's someone who is down the street from us, like every year it's just his entire house, all of his yard, all of the fence. Just like, I can't imagine this dude's power bill. It must be insane. Dude, he's peacocking so hard. He's pulling so much puss. He's slacking so much puss with that.  Tom, I gotta tell you about this guy in my old neighborhood.  No one else in the neighborhood's like this. It's just these two guys, they're obviously competing with each other. But one of them has gotten to the point where during the holiday season, they put like a full monitor in their window and just play like live footage of Christmas carols, like on stage.    She loves it.  So she demanded that all of us get in the car and drive somewhere. Yeah, we used to do that when we were kids. Our whole family would pile in the car and drive around and look at Christmas. This was a bizarre experience. So we go out of our way like 20 minutes to this house and we had to like turn on, I think we had to like turn on the radio or something.  You could start it whenever you wanted. Just this guy's house. Just this guy's house. Incredible. He decked out everything and it was like responding to like an app or something and you would make it like auto play. Oh, that's cool. And I'm just, and I'm just like, I appreciate the technical prowess that would need to be like done to do this but at the same time, what the fuck, man. Okay, I can explain this because down at the beach by my house, like on the main beach, there's this stretch of road that they turn into a light show during Christmas time and basically it's like you come in and it's like that. It's like, I think they give you a CD or it was a radio station or something like that but like this was when I was a kid. So it wasn't no app or anything like that but you would drive down this stretch of road and like you're supposed to listen to this particular CD while you're driving and like the music matches up with the lights and like, like, you know, like if you're driving at the correct speed, you know. Right. So Tom, I think that's what he might have been inspired by is something like that. Tom, did you ever go to Los Alets by any chance? Like where I lived in Massachusetts, like right up the street from us? Once, we used to go to the Fatima shrine a lot. They had a lot of displays there too. Dude, guys, that was like right down the street from me. What was like the craziest lawn ornaments I've ever seen. It was these refreshing breath mints steamed after the TV show Lawn Order, Lawn Order mints. That's what I had. I had them made to refresh my breath. Excellent. By the way, everybody, May 6th is National Beverage Day. Don't forget to drink a beverage on May 6th, National Beverage Day. Wait, wait, like, just completely non-specific. It's just beverage. It's just beverage. Just drink water that day. Don't forget. Do not forget. I guess I've been celebrating that all my life. Yeah, I celebrate it every day. It's really been watered down, if you will. Yes! I want to say something about New Year's. Now, I'm going to tell a story, and I don't know if I'm either going to seem like a weirdo to everyone or will actually seem like I'm really on the level with a lot of people around the globe. So it was last New Year's, so I was with Digi and Ben, and they were all like, oh man, DeVoo, you want to go and watch the ball drop? And I was like, yeah, yeah. I always heard of the ball being dropped. I vaguely understood what it was, and they were like, wait, you've never seen the ball get dropped? And I was like, yeah, man, I'm living in a different time zone my whole life. I've never, there's never been a reason to watch the ball drop, to which these two East Coast for Life boys were like, you're right!   So yeah, I've never even knew what the ball drop was because to everyone who watches the ball drop, it's so ubiquitous and culturally understood, they never bothered to explain it. I just hear something about someone's balls dropping and I'm like, well, I guess it's worth watching. It's just weirdly, yeah, when you told me about that, I was like, of course it's an East Coast thing. Like, that makes perfect sense. But everyone lives on the East Coast! Because it's from New York. Like, it's based in New York, and all the channels cover it and stuff. But like, yeah, I never even considered the fact that it's like literally only makes sense if you live on the East Coast in the United States or like a certain part of Canada. I remember, I think maybe two years ago, I had done my New Year's celebration, I watched like the fireworks of a big band on, you know, that's the London thing they do. They don't drop any balls, they just have a big fireworks display in the middle of London and it's on TV and we watch that. And then, you know, five or six hours later, I'm still awake, you know, got a lot of alcohol, just happy and stuff. And then I see you in the chat, you guys like, oh yeah, happy New Year.  I'm in. Indeed. Incidentally, everybody start gearing up for August 4th, National Clown Day, which as everyone knows is the Saturday during International Clown Week! Wow. All right, I'm sorry, go on. Dude, did you, how do you feel that your birthday, your birthday is 808 today? Like, that's pretty cool, right? Oh yeah, 808, 808, 808, 808, 808, 808, 808. Dude, also, I have another holiday. Death pose. I've said this thing before. 2008, on August 8th of this year, it's sneak some zucchini onto your neighbor's porch day. Don't miss it.  Yeah, okay, go on. Is that for real or did you just, it's on the screen? It is on the screen, I'm looking at. Sneak a zucchini onto your neighbor's porch day. Indeed. That's correct. What if I don't have a neighbor or a porch or a zucchini? Or the ability to sneak. I'm like stuck on that one.  Well, that's just, I mean, they're all memes, but some of them are more real than others.   There seems to be like a tagline for this day, which is, now that's nasty. That's like, that's like a catchphrase.  Yeah, I just feel like, anyway, back when I was making my own videos and was all into reviewing and stuff, I felt that October 10th should have been National Reviewers Day because the date you write down is 10, 10, 10 out of 10, the best score you can give. Oh, I like that. So like, maybe on 10, 10, you review either something that you consider to be a 10 out of 10 or you review Ben 10. Wait, sneak a zucchini onto your neighbor's porch day is 8, 8? It is my birthday? Yeah.  Well, everybody. It's your birthday too. Well, everybody, if you want to sneak some zucchinis on my birthday, let's make that a thing.    My other, I think my last holiday-based proposal, and this one is entirely self-interested, is to, there's going to be a caveat here. There'll be a way to make up for this. Eliminate all three-day weekends. Hold on, hold on, hold on. And then just make everyone take all of Shark Week off.   Now I got to wait another day to get it. I hate it. I don't, I can never be prepared for it, you know?   Take just the week of Shark Week off and just absorb yourself into the sharks and don't work for a week and then that will be so much more simple and easy to keep track of for me. There's some, there's some logic to that. Okay. Condensing all the time up to a week. Okay, I'm still stuck on the zucchini thing, but this website that I was reading about it on is a website called National Day Calendar. And it like, each day it tells you what the next day's holidays are going to be, like what all the national whatever days are going to be for the next day. So posted on August 7th this year was the August 8th list of holidays. So there was National Sneaks and Zucchini into your neighbor's porch day, National Happiness Happens Day, National Dollar Day, and National Frozen Custard Day. And I'm going to read you there right up on one of these for National Dollar Day because it's short, all right? So okay, National Dollar Day. August 8th commemorates today, Congress established the U.S. monetary system in 1786. It's National Dollar Day. The first U.S. dollar bill wasn't printed until 1862 and it didn't bear the image of George Washington either. Sam and Pete Chase, President Lincoln's Secretary of Treasury was featured on the first green back. How to Observe. So they have sections in this. There first they tell you what it is, then they tell you how to observe, then they tell you the history. How to Observe. Spend or save a dollar, depending on your preference. Use hashtag National Dollar Day to post on social media. Here's the important part. History. Within our research, we were unable to identify the creator of National Dollar Day. Yeah. However, the origins are clearly related to the establishment of the U.S. monetary system. It was spawned from the womb of the invisible hand of the market. Now a few scrolls down at the bottom of National Frozen Custard Day. History. Within our research, we are unable to find the creator of National Frozen Custard Day. So like these, like they probably made these up themselves.  Like a couple of them. Entirely impossible. The zucchini one. The zucchini one's history is that Tom Roy at wellcat.com created the zucchini holiday while doing years of news and talk radio. What the f- All right. So you talk radio guy. Nonsense. Okay. So hold on. Can we all just read off the holidays that correspond to our birthdays? Because I got like eight, but I'll just blow through them real fast. We got St. James the Great Day, Children's Day, Spring and Labor Day holiday, while Pergy's, while Pergy's night.  Yeah. No, Shadowka Magica had well Pergy's night as the big final boss that kills everybody. Really?  I liked it first and better because there was lots of chicks with dicks. Then we got State Holiday. Also Children's Day is a major Japanese holiday. Then we have, I don't know if that's the same one. Wow. Because of all them, because of all them lollicons, if you know what I'm saying. Dude, then we have the Taiwanese God of Medicine's Birthday, Education Day in the Congo Democratic Republic, Carnival Day, Oh, Shoah Days for Japan, International Jazz Day, and Liberation Slash Reunification Day in Vietnam.  You're right. Incidentally, like when Hitler was killed, April 30th, Fall of Saigon, April 30th, my birthday, and when Osama bin Laden was killed, I think it was April 30th somewhere.  Well, hey, I pulled up mine. Let's see. July 1st is my birthday. It is build a scarecrow day. Okay. It is Canada Day slash Dominion Day. Dominion Day? Dominion Day. That's like, It's DA Space Minion Day. Okay. It is Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day. Oh, my god. International Chicken Wing Day, and most appropriate, that's not bad, and most appropriate to my birth, International Joke Day. Five. You got really good ones. I got really shitty boring ones. You got Hitler's birthday or something. That's not bad. No, his birthday is April 20th, actually, but his death day is 30th. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, there you go. That's mine. Anybody else want to read theirs? I'll go.  No, I was just going to say, I don't know whether I could even find it, because if I type in National Holidays, it comes up with like a travel agency stuff. I'll link you in the chat. This is what I'm using. It's just like a list of... I mean, it's going to be all American things, though. Oh, that is true. I was trying to find whether there's like a list of English ones. Is it like a Wikipedia thing for it, I think? Like days of the stuff that... I mean, Tom could do it if he wants, though. Yeah, I got mine pulled up. All right, so my birthday is November 8th, so the holidays are iPod Day.   That's terrible. Okay, all right. Pythagorean Theorem Appreciation Day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got all the better ones in me. Wall Carpet Day. Wall Carpet? The fuck? Yeah, that's what it says. Silent Support of Value of Life Day. You mean, is that like a pro-life thing? Science supports the value of life? I don't know. If that's a pro-life thing. But here's the best one, and the one that I feel I've been horribly negligent in celebrating Spontaneous Elevator Sex Day. Not bad, not bad. I know what I'm doing next year for sure. Oh, my God.  Spontaneous... Damn. Wait, like, can they... Are they allowed to encourage that? Look, I don't know, but I'm just gonna... It's like, it's my birthday. You know what else it is today. That's a good pickup line. Yeah. Did you know it's Spontaneous Elevator Sex Day? That's amazing. And they're trapped in the elevator. They can't leave. Definitely finding a way to celebrate that holiday. That's the great... Okay, I know I can make that happen. I got stuck on the wall carpet one. Wall carpet day?  And when I go on the floor, you fools.   I typed wall carpet into Google, and all I've gotten is wall-to-wall carpets. Like, not anything about a carpet on the wall. And then I searched wall carpet day, and instead I got National Lumpy Rug Day. Lumpy Rug Day. I mean, you can hang a rug on the wall, theoretically? Is that what this is? I don't know. I'm lost. Okay. Okay, hold on. Okay. This is on a... Okay, first of all, this is an entire website dedicated to noise cancellation. It's called acousticsfirst.com, materials to control sound and eliminate noise.   Yeah, it says acoustic myths and realities, carpet on the wall. In the disco days of the late 1970s, floor carpet was often used in studios as acoustic wall treatment. But I guess it's not actually good. So they're talking about... That's the gist of this article is that wall carpets not a good idea as a sound canceling. Okay. Sorry, I got really sucked into wall carpet day. Digi, did you want to read... Were there more of yours? Did we already go through all these? No, you went through the important ones. I mean, I got mine, but it's not that interesting. It's Meteor Watch Day. Meteor Watch Day, okay. You look at Meteors. That's where everyone sits.  Okay, isn't it true that we can predict when meteors will actually be visible? So shouldn't Meteor Watch Day just be whatever day has meteors? Like every time there's a meteor that people are talking about, I'm going to hear about it on Twitter, that is Meteor Watch Day. It's the day when Twitter's like, hey, a meteor's coming close to Earth today. I should look out for it. You know? With a little luck, you can see a meteor just about any night of the year, apparently. Okay. Okay, here you go. That's what it says, but I don't get it. A little luck?  Wait, what day is your birthday again? 30th of June. That's right, that's right. So thanks for doxing me, Nate. Oh, no. Yeah, the only thing on here is Meteor Day for that on the website I'm looking at. So, who else needs to... Wait, is that everyone? Yeah, that's everyone. That's everyone. I'm trying to think of real holidays. Very interesting. We haven't talked about Halloween yet. That's true.  I'm not terribly into it, no. I don't like... Okay, the dressing up aspect I kind of get, but as somebody who goes to conventions, I don't feel like I have to wait for a holiday to do that.   The thing... I've never been to a Halloween party personally, but... I lost my virginity at a Halloween party, so I will always be grateful to Halloween. Go listen to the How I Lost My Virginity episode of the PCP if you want to hear that story.  You're right. You're right. God, how many fucking... Do not ask permission. It's got to be spontaneous. Yeah, during...   Oh my God. This isn't the only shaft you're writing. Halloween is very... Like I said earlier, it's good for kids. Kids, it's great for making funny little costumes and trick or treating. But everything else, like the going out to a party... First of all, October's cold and parties happen at night. So, and getting in a costume may or may not cover you up well enough. That's part of the point, is that the girls go out in the slutty outfits and they're cold and so they need men to keep them warm.   I mean, yeah, that's definitely the idea. Yeah. They're definitely hook-up parties. I've never been to a Halloween party like that. I don't know, maybe I'd like it, but in general, I don't care. I don't like the kids coming to the door.  Let me take a step back on this Halloween thing because I think there's really two different Halloween holidays. There's the normy, widely accepted Halloween, which is the combination. If you're adult, it means you go to a party. I don't care for that.  I'm too old for it, so I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm okay with that Halloween.  And as somebody who's not into horror or its aesthetic at all, I just, every October, I'm just like, oh, here we go. I'm gonna hear about all the horror classics again. I agree with that a lot, especially because it's really a very mild annoyance, but it is still annoying, just to see absolutely everyone from October 1st change their Twitter avatar and name so they don't know who anyone is. Let's talk about this real quick, because, Gabe, you right now, it is Christmas time and you have a Halloween avatar that inspired the greatest webcomic ever created, Pumpk and the Gang, or whatever it was called. Bail Jape. Like, I drew that Pumpkin Girl during October and I just thought, that's a cool face. I'll put it in my profile picture, but Halloween had ended. And I thought, wouldn't it be funny to just do the wrong thing all the time? Yeah, perfect. So I'm gonna try and keep this tradition going. I'm going to be Halloween during Christmas and I'm going to be Christmas during something else. April Fool's Valentine's Day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to change my name when people have changed it back. Oh, man, we definitely got to talk about Valentine's Day as well. The frustration that Digi expressed towards the Super Halloween nerds is something that, like, if you are a person who likes to watch lots of reviews and analyses, you can relate to people like James Rolfe. He, Halloween is legitimately his religion. Like, he's as fanatical for Halloween as anybody's parents are for God.   Yeah, it's kind of annoying. You guys have listened, most of you have listened to the biggest problem in the universe.  But, like, his reasoning is, like, because it's cool. Like, he had no, like, real reason, but he was very passionate that, like, this needed to be a real national holiday. And I'm just like, what is wrong with you, dude?   Like, that's lame. Eating syringe-filled candy and whatnot. You know, they're tuckered out. Halloween should either, the next day, like, November 1st should be a day off or Halloween should be rescheduled to be, like, the last Friday of October.  I think Halloween kind of keeps its punk edge, though, by the fact that, like, choosing to celebrate it is sort of choosing against your other responsibilities. There's something to that. It's unrecognizedness from the government keeps it punk. When I was a little kid, I definitely liked Halloween more because my mom was a big Halloween decorator.   And there was this, like, fold-out, this, like, pop-out calendar thing where it was basically, like, a big spooky mansion and it had a bunch of doors with numbers on them. And every day, you would open one of the doors and there'd be a monster inside. And so, like, it's sort of a game where every day you have to open another door on this thing. And I think the moment I realized I was too old for Halloween was when I, like, was not excited to open the doors on the Halloween calendar. It already works. I'd seen all the monsters so many times.  That was when I knew. No more trick-or-treating for me. Just eating my brother's candy from now on. How do you feel about these, like, you see high schoolers are even older, like, guys, like, ironically trick-or-treating? I've seen that.  I think I probably did it a little bit when I was 14 because I was going out with my little brothers anyway. I was, like, 17. I was living large and in charge, man. No. But I'm done with that life. I'm done with that life. We used to get officially 10 years ago. We used to always get, like, one of the first trick-or-treaters you'd get every night would be, like, like a 17-year-old kid with just, like, a little bit of, like, football face paint on, and they'd just be wearing their football jersey and they'd be like, oh, I'm, like, a ghost football player.  Like, my mom would chew those kids out. I legitimately did the whole fucking, like, homeless guy thing, like, at least once because I was just really lazy, you know? I think if you're gonna give out candy, that's just a sheet.  Hey, not bad. Not bad. You should be able to differentiate between good and bad trick-or-treaters because there is a difference.  Exactly. True. Yeah.  This year, this year, we did not... So I live in my own place now. The reason we stopped celebrating Halloween not only was because we moved into a house that was too big for all the decorations. Like, my mom tried to Halloween that front yard. You guys know what my front yard looked like.  And she tried to decorate it, but, like, there just wasn't enough stuff to make it look, like, cohesive or scary. So she just kind of gave up. We also never once got a trick-or-treater in the, like, nine years we lived here.  Yeah, exactly. No, it's gonna bring the kids along. Yeah. So when we moved, you know, in my new place, I was like, oh, we can... You know, we might get trick-or-treaters. But they gave us these little signs that they're like, you have to put this sign on the door to indicate that kids can come to your house or else they won't. And we just didn't end up putting it on, like, during those out. Like, we bought a bag of just Reese's and KitKats because I was like, I'm gonna be the best house on the block. I'm only gonna give Reese's and KitKats the only two candies that actually matter at all. Like, if I go out on Christmas or Halloween, I will throw out all the rest of the candy for my brothers. I just want the Reese's and KitKats. They're the only really good candy. And, like, those flavored Tootsie rolls. Like, the, like, the lime ones or whatever. I remember so vividly, one day, trick-or-treating, like, this was like, this is like my greatest memory. Starburst is great, too. But I got a full-size three musketeers bar. A full-size! Hell yeah. It was unbelievable. It was the greatest day of my life. That's the greatest thing ever, yeah.  The candy's ridiculous. So decadent. I remember this really cool memory of childhood Halloween time where we went trick-or-treating and stuff and we got all the candy. But then, we brought it into the living room and Dad had, like, a cassette of, like, the Monster Mash playing. And we would, like, the three of us, me and my two brothers. Something about your dad being there listening to the Monster Mash sounds inherently hilarious. It's very easy to imagine. Yeah, most dad listening to Monster Mash. Just kind of gyrating a little bit. You just reminded me that we had, like, a horror CD that, like, my mom would put on and, like, blast out of the house. I don't even see it. Like, it was like all these horror-themed songs, but, like, we'd have the window open and be blasting this. So, like, when kids came by, they'd hear the spooky music, you know? But it was all songs like Monster Mash. Like, these, like, retarded-ass, like, 50 songs that aren't even scary. Yeah. And that was, it was just, like, this memory of that being on in the background. And we had this big pile of candy and sweets and stuff. We put it all in the middle. And then we, like, me and my brothers divvied up, like, based on how good our costumes were. Like, we argued with it. But, like, it was basically, like, the bulk of the evening was us deciding who would get what.  And it was, it was a... That's a nice memory. I do remember loving Trick or Treating. I love, like, making costumes. I didn't make a lot, but I remember my favorite one was kind of, like, at the end of when I was starting to get too old for it, where I made a paper mache Ichigo... Kurosaki? Oh, my God. Yeah, Ichigo Kurosaki, Bankai Holomask, and I painted it with the things. Hell, yeah. The Vizard mask. And I got, yeah, yeah, the Vizard mask. I got, like, a little plastic katana, and I painted it black to post the paint. And I walked around, and I was so cool. I was the coolest kid, except I wasn't. But it was so fun. Shit, there's a term in Bleach for, like, it's called, like, a flash step, only in Japanese, where you can, like, it's like their teleport equivalent.  Using that Bankai. Oh, I was. Incredible. Yo, are you gonna, like, turn the subject to, like, April Fools or some such? I was gonna go to a Valentine's Day next. I wanted to talk about Valentine's Day. Oh, so many I forgot about. Valentine's Day is a fascinating holiday to me. You know, I kind of like Valentine's Day, and I, like, like, conceptually, I think it's a good idea. I like that there's some holidays that are not for everybody, you know? Yeah, it's interesting.  Like, you don't have to, like, make it about yourself. You don't have to, like, make a big show, oh, everybody else is in a relationship and I'm depressed about it. Like, just don't celebrate it, just ignore it. It's one thing for it to be a holiday, but not for them. We don't, like, celebrate, I don't know, Scottish holidays, but the same thing is that there's not, like, tons of Scottish merchandise in the stores all over the place for ages that are remaining as that it exists. I don't think Valentine's Day isn't, like, that, like, it's not nearly as bad as Christmas. There's not, like, music for it. I mean, online, online, it's hard to, like, forget that it happened, because people will talk about it. Yeah, if you're just, like, going to Amazon to buy something, you're going to know it's Valentine's Day.    So I wanted to do that. Jokes, he says. And I had, I had my waifu pillow of, what's her name from Sengoku Basura, Uesubi Kenshin. Oh yes, my waifu, what's her name? She literally wasn't my waifu, I just had this random pillow, because it was, like, cheap that it came with a magazine, and I just wanted to own one.  But, like, I also wanted there to be the food element, like, I'm sharing a meal with her, but I didn't have any cake. So I just made myself this enormous egg salad sandwich. It's just this photo. I'm gonna find it for you guys. There's a photo of me, like, making this, like, crazy face, hugging a hug pillow, and holding a gigantic egg salad sandwich, and it's like, happy Valentine's Day for me and my waifu.  There really shouldn't be a holiday there. The egg salad represents fertility. And this is, yeah, you're right. This, by the way, is me when I'm, like, 17, so, like, I look terrible in this picture as well. I gotta find it, though. You know what would make Valentine's Day, like, not depressing for so many people? If part of the holiday was, you're expected and encouraged to, like, confess love to whoever it is, and it's not weird. It's like, it is not weird. That's part of the holiday. It is not weird, no matter what. That is technically a big part of Valentine's Day, especially in Japan, is, like, the confession, like, giving people chocolate and, like, confessing that you have feelings for them, but it not being weird. I don't know how you can beat that demon. It's impossible, but it would be, it would make it, like, not a problem if it was just a normal for people to say that and to get it out of their system. Because a lot of the time, it just, it just reminds them of it, and they feel like they can't say it, and it's just bad. Like, I never used to like it. I don't think about it too much now. And in fact, the large amount of people who constantly, like, poo poo it every year makes me like it more, because I don't like, I don't like being with the crowd on that.  I don't want to wallow. And what do you think about this thing? It's kind of what Digi was saying before about, like, co-opting it for people who don't really deserve it.  You know what I'm talking about?  It's like, it's like, I don't- I chew, chew, chew you.  They should, they should know that they're worthless if they are worthless so that they can one day not be worthless. It says, I don't like cards in general. And it has a picture of a bee on it. Yeah, I don't like cards because I don't feel like they're really expressing anything. You just picked it. You didn't make it. I have ever since I was a kid, I've always been like- You used to make cards a lot. Yeah, I wanted to make cards, but then I just, I just feel like holidays in general, they're meant to relax after work and I've never in my life felt like I've gotten enough work done to deserve it. So that's why I'm having a problem with holidays right now. You know what, you know what? Actually, this is a thing about holidays in general.  And so when I'm in there, I get to feel so superior to everyone who's not in the gym on Friday. And similarly, my favorite day to like go for a run or workout is like on Christmas day or something like that. I feel so superior to all those waste of space out there who are not grinding away this day. Oh, it's the best. It's the best. It's my favorite. Like, it's my favorite day to do work on Christmas and holidays when everyone else is lazing around. Okay, unfortunately, I couldn't find the picture with the egg salad sandwich. I did find a very similar picture of me with my waifu pillow that just is missing the sandwich. But let me read you the... Maybe she ate it. I do have, because unfortunately, the post I made was on an old website where all the images are broken, but I still have the text from it. It says, in line with the Otaku tradition of sharing a nice Valentine's Day confection with your waifu, here you can see myself and waifu Uesugi Kenshin munching down on my special God's Left Nuts sandwich. It's got turkey, ham, and roast beef between an egg salad spread made from mayonnaise, mustard, Texas Pete hot sauce, one boiled egg, salt, pepper, and garlic, all on two gigantic whole wheat sandwich bread slices. Damn good eating. So a happy Valentine's Day to everyone, whether you're celebrating it with your waifu or all alone, watching people get senselessly murdered out of spite, because I'd also written a post that day about... Because Valentine's Day is named after a massacre. Like, it's from the St. Valentine's Day. I thought he drew the snakes out of Ireland or something. Isn't that... Uh, well here, let me read you the intro. Oh, the St. Patrick, that's right. I made a post called St. Valentine's Day in five senseless anime murders. It says, you've heard it before, no one's really sure about the origins of St. Valentine's Day, and historians have only found traces of various stories wherein someone named St. Valentine always gets horribly murdered by the end, and your candy hearts are stained red with this blood. So then I made a video about my top five anime massacre scenes, and that was my Valentine's Day post. Word. But the otaku audience would appreciate that, I think. Oh, yeah. Do you go check it out? If you want to read posts I wrote almost a decade ago. But yeah, Valentine's Day is an okay. It's an okay boy.  Yeah, what I like about it is...  I actually hate the violence that is imposed upon me by society of forcing me to buy gifts. You should have seen me buying gifts this Christmas.   Like the people in my life who know that I care about them, they know that I care about them.  I just love how you described like the cultural obligation to give gifts as violence. Who are you, Stefan Malanu? I know, right? Actually, it's... I'm exaggerating, but still. Interesting point you bring up there, Nate, because I think one of the things I like about holidays is that, and I think this is what a lot of people like about it, is it gives you an excuse to give people presents because most people are not thoughtful.  In many ways, I do think the holiday is part of the problem because it gives you an excuse to not be thoughtful. It's like, well, I'll buy something for him on Christmas, but every other day of the year, you never think about that person. But sometimes you meet those people, those legitimately great people who just buy you things because they saw it and thought you would like it, and you're like, what are you? Like, for the best gifts, spontaneous and at some point randomly in the year. Spontaneity and thoughtfulness are the cornerstones of any good gift, obviously. Oh, man. Gifts like elevator sex are best when they're spontaneous. I think that's true. I think the funny thing about holidays is like, because I love giving people, yeah, those kind of spontaneous gifts, if it's like the right one, which is very rare. But on holidays, because it is so mechanical that you get somebody a gift, I usually just literally give people exactly what, I'll go shop for it with them. I don't care if it's a surprise.  It might as well be something you really want. So let's go make sure it's something good. The ideogation does make it much more difficult and less personal and just less special, exactly.   I've never met the man. I know nothing of this man. And I had to buy him a cream.  That feels like dirty. I feel gross that I had to do that.  Something is wrong. You got it. You got it. I fell not off pressure. I fell not off pressure. The Christmas card. I was bullied. I developed an amazing technique for gift giving and I think a bunch of you have been given this gift from me as well and you will continue to be done so. In fact, you'll probably get this on the 26th because a couple of you I'm going to be meeting right after Christmas. Is it dinner? It's dinner. My gift is always I will buy you food because I love eating out with people. I love buying people food. I will just cover everyone's checks on Christmas and that's my gift. That is an amazing. You gave me that for my birthday.  And I love just buying people food and being like, there you go. And then, but I... That's not a very thoughtful gift though. It's not thoughtful, but everyone will be happy with it. Like it's very me. Like it's something that comes from my personality. That's my problem with most holidays is that they're so cookie cutter.  I feel like the best thing that ever happened to Christmas for me as an adult because like as a kid, we had got game consoles every year, you know, whatever. And it was like video games and anime DVDs, whatever. We're old now, right? The best thing that ever happened is that my dad, because he used to be, my dad would always ask us like, what do you want for Christmas?  And then when we went back to doing traditional Christmas, he was like, I'm not asking anybody what they want anymore.   And weirdly enough, my dad is amazing at giving gifts. My dad is the one responsible for my robe. My dad's the one responsible for my giant coat. That's in the fat and dangerous video. The iconic coat, the iconic robe. Indeed, the Ubisoftic robe. He's responsible for buying me like silk pajamas and like slippers to wear around the house, which I didn't used to do, but after he bought them for me, I realized I love them. So like a lot of my image has been crafted by Christmas gifts my dad has given me, because he knows how to find stuff that he knows I will wear.  That's the one problem. Granted, that's only half of the stuff. The other half is like, he tried to buy me like home brewing kit. That was a total waste of money. He bought me a rice maker. I ended up giving to Shade. It's like, it doesn't always work, but you know. Sure. But it's a net positive, clearly. That is absolutely the downside of a cutthroat capitalist family like mine is, where everyone, my dad specifically, sorry dad, but I blame you for this. He will just ask me, just tell me what you want. I'll buy it. And so what he doesn't realize he's doing there is he's putting literally all the work on me to like figure out exactly what to buy. And like, I consider a good gift is to do the work for, show you care, go out and get me something, like put in the, it's your job to do this. What we used to do is my dad would give us, my dad would always tell us like, you have $500 for Christmas.  And so I would sit there for like an entire day. Granted, I love doing this, but I would sit there on like Amazon all day, like crunching numbers, like trying to figure out like what combination of things that I most want will equate to $500.  Like I can get exactly the things I want doing it, but like there is a bit of magic that's lost in the shuffle there.  No, stop me if I've said this story on the BZB before, but it's the best thing it was ever given to me. And it was how I got my computer, the one for editing. Basically, I was beginning my video, YouTubeing career. And the first step was to buy a microphone.  And I plugged it into my computer at the time and it didn't work. There was like a driver issue. Now I could have like, you know, gone downstairs to record it in the computer in the living room.  I don't want to record when everyone's around. I would die. So I spent a straight week trying to figure out how to fix the drivers. And there was finally the nuclear option one night. I'm like, all right, I'm going to push this nuclear option and see if it fries my computer or fixes the problem. Woke up the next day, fried my computer. So I'm like, so I walked downstairs, all like just defeated. Just sort of like in a serenity, like a Jesse level of defeat at this point, right? And I walked downstairs and my dad's in the kitchen and I'm in the kitchen.  No progress, right? And my dad, who had just 30 minutes prior, looked over the finances for our business for the previous month. And it was like the biggest windfall profit month our business had ever had. Super in the black. So he is like on fire right now with excitement about the money. And I come down and talk about this and he goes, let's buy you a new computer. And I was just like, oh, it was super cool. So like literally we packed up and like a lot, my dad is not very spontaneous. Like he's very like, you know, oh, we're going to go somewhere today.  Everything has got to be planned. So he never does anything this all at once. And we got a new computer and just like within three hours I had a new computer and it was just, and then literally that evening he was like looking at more finances and turns out it actually wasn't all that good after all.  I know I've told this before but that just reminds me of like me and my brother like saved up all our pennies and allowance for like a year so that we could buy a PlayStation one and we buy like that in a couple of games. And then just on the way home, my dad's like, you guys need a TV. Let's get you a TV too. And he just bought us a TV and I was just, that was just such a wonderful thing to do. Yeah, that was great.  I love that TV. I literally love that TV. Uh, what are the holidays have we not talked about yet?  Didn't we have a discussion about April Fool's at some point? I think we did. I know Hippo really didn't know what a weekend was on a podcast.   It's a great holiday.  It's overused. It's abused. It's not a great holiday, but I don't like complaining about it. Yeah, exactly. No, no. I don't like April Fool's.  Now, okay. I've also heard the origin of April Fool's Day. It might be fake, but I've heard it. Who knows the origin of April Fool's Day? No one? Okay. So, Mr. April is a fool and they called him that. So originally at some point, hundreds of years ago or whatnot, the beginning of the year was April the first. Like that was New Year's, it was April. And so at some point they changed it. I don't know why. And so there would be a lot of people on April 1st who forgot about that, being like, hey, happy new year. To which they'd be like, you April Fool, you have no idea. You don't remember?  And so I guess it just became- I hope that I really want this to be a true story. Yeah, I like I'm an April Fool. I realize that that makes a lot of sense because that's the beginning of spring kind of. And then that means the year is in line with the seasons. And I like that a lot. That's how Japanese school works, right? Like their year starts in spring. Yeah, I think so. I think so.  You know, something like that kind of thing. Yeah. So I like April Fool's a whole lot because I think that that was the, it used to be anyway, that that was the day the internet got creative. Like because everyone would, it wasn't just that people did something interesting, but like it was always something way different from what you're used to. Like the best was the web comic XKCD, which is a stick figure comic that was really popular in the late 2000s. And every April Fool's, because he was like a programmer and he would like completely redesign the site into like some kind of elaborate game.  And like if it's done well, it's great. Yeah. A lot of the internet would turn into that. And like there were annoying parts, like for instance, don't try to download any torrents that day because it's all going to be weird shit, you know, but sometimes it would be hilarious. Like people would put out troll subs for every new anime that, because April 1st is like the first day of the new season for anime. So there's always going to be some shows that come out like the first episodes that day. And people would always make troll subs for them, probably still do.  But I remember like the first time I watched Queen's Blade episode one was April Fool's troll sub. But like, yeah, like websites would just get crazy.  Because like YouTube, the year when Rick Rowling really caught on, YouTube made it so every link on the front page took you to Rick Rowling. That's right. Like 2009 or so, every link.   I never liked the way that the meta of April Fool's has shifted. Like it did, it used to be very creative. And it's not so much, I mean, it is also that people and websites, they can't do that now because of money. But like creators and stuff, they used to have like creative things that they did. And you didn't always expect everybody to do it because it was like, you know, not everybody, it wasn't that huge. But now it's like, if you don't make an April Fool's video, that's the big twist. Yeah.  I was putting up old movies. Then you're actually. I was remembering back when I was on Newgrounds a lot because like every year there was like, they had like the McDonald's parody for April Fool's. They had Numa grounds, Poo grounds, China grounds, Kevin Bacon Day. But I remember 2011 was when Tom Fulp announced on the site, guys, we always go too far with our April Fool's. They're too obvious. This one is very, very subtle. And I remember thinking like, wait, what was the parody? Because I remember like people swarming the boards trying to figure it out. So it looks it up just now. There was no joke. That was the joke that nothing has changed. God, oh, haha. Very good. Yeah, I love doing April Fool's videos because I try to think like, I don't just want it to be a fake video. I want there to be some point behind it. The year where I did the Attack on Titan review and it was just like all the most generic ideas of reviews imaginable. I love when people do stuff like that because I just, I want to be kept on my toes. You know, like I want, every once in a while, something shakes it up. And like, because it's April Fool's Day, like it just gives everybody a little bit of an in. Like when Rick and Morty came out and like the new season of Rick and Morty, they just like ran the debut episode all night long on April Fool's. And like, it's such a weird, shocking thing to do but because it was April Fool's, people are like accepting it because we know that's what the day is. Don't forget the legendary zero punctuation review of Duke Nukem Forever, back when we thought that game would never exist. Like the joke of that video wouldn't have worked nearly as well if there hadn't been a holiday for it. It's the same way as, you know, National Brownie Day is just an excuse for everyone to have a Brownie. It's an in, right? It's always an excuse. And comedy, you know, like relies on setup. So April Fool's Day provides a very unique, once a year, setup that certain jokes need to survive. But there's also, what about the fact that like every April Fool's Day, everyone's like, okay, what's it gonna be this time? So like there's an inherent like anticipation that kind of curdles the joke. There's always a challenge. Right, you always have to be on your toes to do it. The way I see it, you gotta look at April Fool's like this. If you are gonna post something on April Fool's Day, make it a joke. If you have something you need to post that day, just save it for April 2nd. Like, that day should just be like weird joke content. And I think that, because there's a lot of people who get mad, like, oh, it's all misdirects. I just want my normal content. And I'm like, dude, like people who are putting out normal content on that day, I think are like muddying it.   I want it to take over.  Exactly, yeah. I want the world to stop making sense for people. Yeah, it's not really necessarily there to trick people, although it's a sweet bonus. It's really just an excuse to be a fucky for a day. Okay, I mean, it's not... Multiple things I was gonna say. One, a lot of the time it's not that weird, it's just sort of bad. It's just sort of badly made. A lot of it's shit, sure. And it just makes me feel upset that they even spent any seconds making this terrible thing. I mean, the same thing happens with all the holidays, though. Like there's always gonna be the channels who are like, last minute, oh, I gotta have something for this holiday.  And you're like, I knew it was an April Fool's video because it was 40 seconds long and it came out on April 1st. What is the joke here? But like, if you're gonna go all out with it, then it's worthwhile. What I would say is that I think it could be... If you're going to post on April Fool's, you should at least try to make it funny, even if it's short and whatever. But I don't think you shouldn't post a real thing, but if you're going to post a real video, it should be the most bombastically incredible video you've ever made. Yeah, definitely. That'd be cool. Like two hours long, like a feature-length film on YouTube, just so that people can be like, what? Yeah. Or you should announce something bombastically unrealistic on April 1st, making people think that it's a joke for months and then actually do it. That's actually a good, like, that's a clever, funny thing to do if you can pull that out. That's what I'm saying. It should be a day of funny, clever videos. And like, personally, I put more effort into my April Fool's videos than probably any other holiday videos I've done because every time I do try to jump on holiday bandwagon, it's always last minute because I'm not passionate about the holidays.  Like, I've made like maybe one or two Halloween videos and it's always like super last minute, you know? And it just sounds, it's just like, all right, let's drag out the five horror anime that exist and talk about those again.  And like, we're all going to be tired and wrote if we keep doing the same thing every Halloween or every Christmas. Every Christmas is going to be, you know? We're past that point. Well, yeah, we are.  But April Fool's Day, the floodgates are open for you to do literally anything. And like, you can really mix it up and like show people how you can be creative outside of your format, you know? And I think that's what makes it cool. Well, you should like celebrate St. Patrick's Day on April Fool's. That's what you should do. That's a good idea. Let's, I think we've touched on quite a few holidays here. I just want to say one last thing. I just realized that is quite accurate for like people, like if you have, instead of making something that's just bad or like shitty as a joke, you could just show them some other aspect of the stuff you do. Like you could, you could post a rap on the main channel, Digi, or something. Yeah. Something like. I suppose so. That to, like as an excuse, like it's always an excuse, an excuse to show your main people something that else, that you do very well. Yeah. That's actually a great idea. That is a good idea. That might be what I do on April Fool's next year.  Although I don't know if that's what happened when Bro Science made his rap video. I don't know if that was on April Fool's or not, but that did not get received well. But that's unrelated. Well, it's more of an excuse than just any other day, I guess. But then people are going to think that like, oh yeah, this is a joke.  Agreed. They like it. But it changes the way they're going to perceive it. I mean, okay, but whatever. We have to have the comments on all my raps are always like, oh my God, he can actually rap.  Let's go to questions. Unless anyone has. Oh yeah, I got a great extremely related question from the from the PCP fan discord, which you have access to if you're a patron. Procrastinator's patron lounge. Patreon.com slash the Procrastinator's. We usually answer questions from there. Vulture asks, what's your guys' new year's resolutions? Didn't we answer that literally every time for the last like six months or so? Four K. Did we? I don't, I think so. Four K. I could never remember.  Well, I haven't been on if we have. I'm undecided if my new year's resolution should be like something I realistically know I'm going to do or something I like hope to do. I think that's the more responsible one. It's like to set your goal high so that you have to like really work to reach it. I've already made my new year's resolution and it's not a new year's resolution because I made it earlier, so I don't have one. You're good, fair enough. That's the smartest thing to do. My new year's resolution is to make six figures this year. That's a good one. It's a good one. I've had a lot of money-based ones in the last few years.  So we'll see, we'll see how that works out. Tom, do you have any new year's resolutions you want to talk about? I haven't really put too much thought into it. I was thinking probably I'm just gonna make this the year that I actually get in shape.  I'm gonna be 30.  You know, it's amazing how much you can transform yourself physically over the span of just one year if you're dedicated to yourself. Wait, so Tom, are you gonna be the first 30-year-old in the PCP? Is that coming? Yeah, it's gonna be a- Is it gonna be within Ben? Right? A little bit? Who? I think Ben is actually- I think Ben will be in April. Ben will be 30, I believe. Oh, well, I'm November. Ben will be first. Once we pass the 30 mark, we can never go back, guys.  Yeah, we're getting- Oh! We'll be in there. I mean, I have to do something impressive to hit 30 because I'm gonna have a crisis.  It's very possible. It's good that you're anticipating, though. It'll give you some runway to try to steer out. Steer it correctly. I need something really good to happen before November 8th, and I turn 30. Otherwise, I'm just gonna be like, well, my whole life has just been a complete joke. Just don't kill yourself on your birthday or the next day, as those are also my dad and girlfriend's birthdays. So it would be a real downer if you kill yourself.  Give me a two-day lead to celebrate my family's birthdays.  I'm just saying die on the 10th so I can grieve you not on someone's birthday. You know? Like, if I'm gonna be in mourning, I'd rather not ruin someone else's birthday. You know? So just let me- No, I'm gonna make sure you don't die. All right, from- I can't decide. My New Year's resolution is to not be kept over when people do questions, and I'm just kidding. I have a role of boring one. No, no, just kidding. That's gonna happen. My resolution is really just not eat all really delicious unhealthy food all the time just because it's offered to me because it's only because it's offered to me. If I'm just like alone with my own devices as I was in Digi's house where you had to eat your own food, I just like, you know, as long as I could walk to the store I would just eat healthy food and I'd feel better in the body. But, you know, if someone's offering me chimichangas, I can't pass them up. So yeah, pretty boring resolution. All right, instead of a resolution, I have a New Year's Resolve, because it sounds cool. Okay. My New Year's Resolve is to have a video on Hippocrite every single week until the end of the year.  And I want them to be recorded and done by June.  I want to do the entire year of content in half a year. That's my goal. Like so many of us have tried to do, like said, we were gonna do- I have succeeded at this, by the way. I have made this- Not the whole year like that, but I have successfully worked months ahead of myself, and I know it's doable, especially at one video a week. I think you can do it. Because this man put out a video almost every day for a month. No, you did do a whole month. Yeah, he did. And then a second month almost every day, with the Kirby month. Well, I wouldn't call it almost every day. Well, it was another- Yeah. Yeah. But anyways, the next question, this one I just want to read because it's funny. Trump asks, if you have siblings, who is your parents' favorite son? Also, for Nate, where did your parents go wrong with Ben?  It was right at the start. He just went down- When he came out. He's like, yeah, for my one piece of reading comrades, you'll know that I am the Rosinante, and Ben is the evil Doe Flamingo only. Reverse the Chad Virgin roles between the two, and you just got all the worst stuff was Ben, and all the great stuff was me. That's all I've got to say about it. Yeah. It was pure genetics. All right. Here's one from the gobs. What's your opinion on snow? I'm curious about this. Oh, it's really cool. Mine has changed a lot. I like John Snow very much. I went with Jesse from Pokemon in saying, snow, snow, I love it. So that's, yeah. Well, let me tell you something. Remember that one?  Remember when Jesse had to eat snow? Remember when Jesse was poor in that Pokemon episode, and she fantasized about when she was a kid? They would eat like snow sandwiches, and like snow dessert, and like snow. I remember snow sandwiches in front of my allowance. Jesse should do a remake of that song, or a remix. Yeah. No, you got to have the Kendrick Lamar. Oh, never mind. Anyway, so it's snowing balls outside right now. I'm living in a park. Apparently, I live in like the exact city in America that gets the most snow.  That's a look. That's a look. And I got to say, it's interesting, because back where I'm from, the amount of like a couple inches of snow in Virginia Beach would shut the whole city down. And it was fun. It was great.  When you only see it once or twice a year, you're like excited about it.  It's snowmen. And like rad con too happened with a huge snowfall.  I wasn't involved in that.  That's the way you were. That's the way you were. Yeah. We had some fun like vlogs in the snow. It's a great time.  Like with your family and stuff and you're hanging out and having a good time. Well, up here in the north, nothing shuts down. And it snows constantly. Like the amount of snow that we would have gotten once or twice a year of Virginia Beach, we get almost every day. There has only been like three days in December where I saw grass. Like it has been snowing consistently. And it stays for a long time because it's so cold that it wouldn't melt. You know? So like it took like almost a whole week for our last major snowfall to melt. And now it's snowing again. So like there's just always snow. And it really like changes your lifestyle in some ways when it's that constant.  And like if you want to leave the house, you need to be wearing snow boots because like your shoes will just get immediately soaked. You know?  Like you can't just be like, oh, I'm not going to go out for a couple of days.  And you know, today I almost wrecked my car. People have been- Did you skid? Did you do a swerve? Oh, I did a big swerve. Everyone, all of my fans have been constantly, all my fans from the North have been constantly nagging me to get winter tires.   And I'm like, eh. Not that much snow. I'm only going to live here for one winter. I don't want to spend that like a hundred, however much money it costs for winter tires. Couple hundred, yeah. You know, for one winter. But then today was one of those insidious days where it was like, at first it was raining, but it was like an icy rain, you know?  And I of course try to be slick. Like I have to make a left turn into my neighborhood. And there's like- The last thing you should try to do is be slick. Oh yeah, no, no. I made a huge mistake because there's a car coming from the other direction and I have to make a left turn into my neighborhood. And I'm like, all right, if I go fast I can beat that guy, you know? Like the rational thought would have been come to a complete stop and let him pass and then go. But I'm like, no, if I'm fast I can beat that guy. So I try to go because this is what I'd normally do, you know? And so I try to go fast and I immediately swerve all the way off into the bushes. Like right next to the sign from my neighborhood, almost hit a, could have hit a brick wall, could have hit a brick wall, could have gotten hit by that guy's car very easily. We were extremely lucky that all I knocked over was like this wooden post that was in the ground that nobody cares about.  I got out of there just fine. But I was like, man, this was lucky. And this is clearly a warning to go get winter tires, you know? The winter has only just begun. So yeah, you're gonna go all the way through March like this.  So there's, there is some chance. You should just take M-Track to Boston, dude. There is. It's not a terrible idea. There is some chance. You can take the train all the way to self-station.  And I'm like, well, I'm not driving in that, you know. Sure, sure. M-Track could be an option. Hey, so, so I, I'm sure Tom has had a similar experience as you grow up in the same part of the country. Yep, had dealt with a lot of snow growing up. It was kind of a hassle.  It's the worst.  They are paralyzing.  They are the antithesis of everything that I wish for in this world. I do love hanging out in snow and then coming inside and being cozy, having escaped the winter. You know what I like doing? I like skipping that whole first part and just being cozy. No, because you gotta, you gotta suffer so you can feel the joy of being inside again. You're just a masochist.  This is the same person who grinded the ultimate weapon in Kingdom Hearts 2. You just like pain. I do, I do. Like I agree with Nate on this in that, like it snowed once a few days ago and the rain brushed it away immediately afterwards. So it was like, I gotta get out there. I gotta make something. I gotta make a little snowman. And it's cold and, you know, and all that. And I roll up a ball and I roll it so that all the snow in the garden is in the snow. And it's very big and very heavy. And I fall over it and I drop it and I build it back up and I fall over it. And it's like, I was so like, my coat was like kind of warm. Like the fact that I was moving so much and lifting big lumps of snow all heavy is like getting sweaty. And it was great. And then I fell on the snow and I just, I was just warm and cold at the same time.   You get to cool down and warm up at the same time. Your hands need to warm up, but your body needs to cool down. It's like weird and you don't get that very often. That is my aesthetic. I love being inside on a, in a warm, biofire is preferable with a snowy outside and specifically snowing is peak decadence. It's peak aesthetic. The best temperature improvement in my life, because like as a kid, I'd go out into the snow and within two seconds, my ears are dying of cold. I don't know why my ears are just really sensitive to cold. And like if I put on ear muffs or a hat or whatnot, it would just get way too sweaty and then get cold. But when I grew my hair out, when I was 13, as it remains, just the tiniest little increment of hair draped over the ears completely warms them. And I've never had that issue since. And it's really cool. It's like, yeah, everyone should grow their hair out. That's why I grow my hair and beard out during the summertime. My hair's not curly enough to do that. I'm just wearing earmuffs. All right, a question from Jolly Bones. What is the worst type of Christmas gift? One that I had to work really hard to get. So my parents like arranged and my parents would just like pay for or anyone would like pay. Like when I had to work really hard, someone else could like buy for me, especially if it's not that expensive. Like if I had to work hard, then I'm getting like nothing out of this. Describe what would be a hard work for a Christmas gift. Here's one. I had to arrange like the delivery location. I had to find like all the logistics about how to buy this. It was like a portable heater or something. Like when I lived in my last apartment that my parents willingly bought for me. But like I had to do all the work to arrange everything. And it took me like days of work to like get everything. Just it was just like a weird situation happening. But like I had to put in a lot of work and all they did was like just send a check afterward. And it's like this was a gift. And yet I worked so hard to make it happen.  I really hate that. Gifts that are burdens in disguise. Exactly, exactly. I would rather just not have to deal with it. I think you should never buy someone a gift under the assumption that they are going to like use it. Cause when my dad, as I was discussing before, he got me like all those like the robe, the slippers, the pajamas and also a home brewing kit. And of those, the robe and slippers ended up being something I used. And so he was lucky and he was correct there. But like the silk pajamas, eh, like they're not really comfortable. They're kind of weird to wear around. And then the brewing kit was like just so, okay, better answer. Gifts that the person giving it to you doesn't understand themselves. Because he bought me this home brewing kit thinking this would just be like, yeah, you're going to make your own beer.    Like it doesn't come with barley and like hops.   Right. And it's like, wow, thanks for like this extra, I mean, it could have been cool. It probably would be really cool if you like did it. I get why I hate being given a burden. Yeah, I get why he would think I'd be into that because I love alcohol and I like, you know, like homemade kind of stuff.  And like this stuff was really complicated. That would be a good gift if you expressed interest. Exactly. Exactly. I had ever said like I want to make my own alcohol. Great. But like he just bought that for me. And the thing is that one of the parts was like kind of broken. And we didn't figure that out until like a couple days later. I thrashed the box that night because some dramatic stuff happened that Christmas where one of our friends got kicked out of our group of friends and I was shitfaced drunk and not handling it.  So there was no way to send it back. So it's like a hundred and fifty dollar brewing kit that never got used. And I was just like, I feel bad.  Like, you know, I'm sorry I tore up the box so we can't send it back. But this you should have had the foresight to know that rather than buying me a home brewing kit, you should have just bought me a hundred fifty dollars with a beer. You know. Yeah. I would have loved that. In this case for sure. I don't even have any answers I can top that. So yeah.  It's categorically worse than cash. Yeah, I like that. Just give me cash. It's better. It's more useful.  So it feels more personal than cash, but it's just it's less useful.  I'm curious about something.  Well, what will gift exchanges be like with that? I mean, will it still be like here to have this to use 0.001 Bitcoin? Do you think we're going to be all using cryptocurrencies? I hope so. Yeah. Like in Cowboy Bebop, for example, everyone uses like, you know, one. Is that a cryptocurrency in that? I think it's just digital currency. But it's like, it's very similar. I mean, we're already on digital currency for the most part. Paper currency is pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty bold. But like once like as long as this brings Bebop to mind. I want us to name our global currency double dollars like in Trigun. Like in Trigun. I don't know why they were called that, but it's double dollars. I think I know why it's because. Inflation got so bad. This actually interested me. I remember, I think what the idea behind that was like, so like the people in Trigun crashed on this planet and like rebuilt civilization.  So they like read a lot of literature and there was like a typo somewhere of like instead of a dollar sign, there were like two dollar signs and they're like, okay, I guess like. Where did you hear this? I've never heard this lore before. I, you know, I'm reaching back like more than 10 years to like where I heard that. Fanfiction.net. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's coming from my head. I remember reading that somewhere and really being certain of that, but it'd be a cool thing if it was true. I will say about gift cards that like, there is an interesting like manipulation element that you can like force people to spend money on things you think they need. For instance, recently, recently, and I don't think this was the intentions of this gift, but May's mom gave her a $50 gift card to the grocery store and I thought that was really interesting like as an idea, like if you had, let's say that you have a kid who is bad with money. This is not the case with May.  Right. Like that would be a reason not to give somebody cash. Like hey, I'm not going to give you money, you could spend on just whatever you want. You have to spend this on groceries.  The odds of me giving to a homeless person just went into like from a zero to the single digits. Yeah. If you give them a gift card, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Pass the gift cards to homeless people? Well, I mean, it's something I suppose. Hey, I've got a question here. Well, the Warcraft subscription. I've got a funny question here from our pity question section on the Twitter using the hashtag askpcp. At Senjo42 asks, could you self-administer a needle? Which is interesting to me. No, I could not. Wait, what? Could anyone do it? Absolutely not. I can't even have somebody else administer me a needle. I was freaked out.  It's not even the pain. It's just the concept. It's just a utterly disgusting thing to me. I think with a good old sit-down of training, I probably could do it. You know, I would hug a hedgehog that was disguised as a hedgehog. I would do that. And there would be an accident.  Now I'm cured of AIDS. I don't think that's how that works, dude. It took so much work to get those AIDS. Putting aside the whole, like, whether I could find a vein or the smarts of it, I think the question's really about the pain aspect here. Needles don't hurt at all. But it's the anticipation, right? It's the fear. I mean, I don't know. They do kind of hurt.  All right, let's get off the needle's top. No, I was going to say I like this. And also, I want to tell an embarrassing story about Ben, where we both got our blood drawn at one time. And like, I was sitting, we were both doing it. I got it, you know, they injected me or something. And I was like, OK, that sucks, but not that bad. But Ben, like when they came to the needle with him, like you guys could probably relate to this, but he was like flinching in like the biggest, most like caricature movements, like just being absolutely ridiculous. Like they wouldn't even bring the needle that close. Flinching is just the beginning for me. It just goes down from there. I usually like. The closer you get, the more the more my hands turn into fists. Oh, yeah. And the stronger I become. I think it's, I find the the the active needle so disgusting. I would rather they just took a knife, cut me open and bled me out. Like real. I don't know. That I would be much more comfortable with just like hacking like a big gash in my arm. Is it like the aesthetic of the needle?  No, I just I just the fact that it's like going into a vein and stuff. All right, enough enough needle talk. Let's get one last question before we're done. From gray nine. What do you want for Christmas? Oh, switch. I want a Nintendo switch. I want to play Splatoon 2. And I got to play Bayonetta and Metroid Prime 4. And that's what I want. What happened? Patreon.com slash give me a switch. Gib Gib left because he didn't want to hear gross talk. But that's over. We're talking about what we want for Christmas. What do you want for Christmas, Gib? A needle. Oh, no. I want, what do I want? Something.  And I just want him. I like plush things. I like because he's so tough and he's like, I'm a grumpy Kirby.  Yeah, it's great. I asked Santa Claus for Xenoblade Chronicles 2 for the switch. Because I have, I have very little experience. Well, I watched a friend play most of it.  And I just want another game.   So I'm really excited to see just how deep the rabbit hole goes in terms of just literally being an anime.  That's what I'm talking about. Davoo, what do you want for Christmas? I want a stopwatch. Oh, you can use your phone for that. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, right? Here I'm going to explain, right? So I use stopwatches to the key track of how long things take. That way I can figure out what things I'm wasting my time on, you know? So stopwatches are vital to time efficiency. The problem is pulling out your phone is antithetical to time efficiency. Oh, I see. You see the issue there?  Stopwatch doesn't have Twitter on it. So there you go. That's why I want multiple stopwatches. You can theoretically put your phone in airplane mode, but in any case, whatever works best. No, no, no, no. The holding like PE class, like you got the stopwatch, you go click, and it's like you're holding, that's cool. I want multiple stopwatches. I want like a stopwatch for like last time since Eaton. I want stopwatch for like last time since Baze. Stopwatch for like how long I've been in this conversation to know when I need to wrap it up. Not this podcast, but like companies with my dad, you know, like you have to be, you have to be on the lookout when you're in a conversation with someone who you agree with politics on because then it just becomes just like self-affirmation, the game for five hours. Eventually the amount of time it'll take you to manage all these stopwatches will be as bad as possible. Don't worry.  I've just imagined, like Davoo is having a like a kind of annoying conversation with his dad and he brings out the, because the stopwatch is a universal thing. He knows what that is.    That would be great. And you click it.   Yeah, I know. I've actually- You're up to 17 seconds of my life. Yeah. Hey, well, what I want for Christmas is world peace. And I want it by way of legal weed everywhere. Nope. There you go. Did you know, guys, know that Digi Bro smokes the weed?   So like, it is actually true. Like, you can meme it all you want. I'm just going to embrace it as an identity at this point. Yeah, it was really interesting. Like, Digi, when you mentioned like halfway through this podcast, you're like, yeah, I went out on the back patio and started smoking. And I was like, wait, wait. Cigarette, cigarette. Oh yeah, because I was like, he's smoking weed. I'm having a problem with this.  Oh, well, I guess I'm actually okay with that one. No, I smoke weed indoors. It's not, it's decriminalized here, but you know. It still never, never hurts. It's still federally not, dude, so yeah. I think, I think smoking weed, like world peace won't come from just having legal weed. We need it to be free. We need free weed. I just was going to originally say weed, the weed thing, and then I thought world peace would be funnier, but then I decided to say both. Anyway, that's it for this episode of the Procrastinators podcast, right? Hey, hey, that's correct. And everybody, don't forget, get your questions answered most likely, or more likely.  The new one will be out like tomorrow, I think after this comes out. So if you sign up now, that thing's coming out tomorrow. So get ready for that. It'll come out on the Patreon feed. You'll see it there. Send us questions on the Twitter, hashtag SBCP for the handful that we answer there. And redbubble.com or something, slash people slash the procrastinators.  It's still time to buy things for Christmas next year, if you act now. Right.  I see you there. I need Tom's plug as well. iTunes and what else? Where are we? Google Play. It's on Google Play. iTunes and Google Play. For the two guys that listen on there, but hey, God bless them. It's appreciated. Hey, you guys give me $20 a month, so keep listening. Are there any... Do we have a way to track the numbers on those? Google Play's numbers are pathetically bad. But iTunes does not keep track of numbers, so I have to go into Bluehost and figure out how to track numbers that way. So yeah, we still need to figure it out, but we will. We will. I'm lazy. All right.  Everybody good bye. Bye. Good bye. Good bye. I'm done. Slay bells roasting on an open fire. Snowballs flying through the air. Yes, I'm recording. That's the end. Beep.