وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأوّاله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله ووركاته نبدأ بالنسبة always with the praise of Allah عز و جل نسأل الله عز و جل to exalt the mention of grand peace to our messenger محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم and to his family and his companions إشار الله تعالى we are continuing on with the rights of the children and in this episode إشار الله تعالى we're going to look at the parents obligations when the child is born in the previous episode with اتكلم about some of the obligations of the parents prior to the birth of the child and insha'Allah تعالى now we move on to the obligations of the parents at the time that the child is born and the very first one that we're going to talk about is choosing a noble and good name for that child الإمام مسلم نريت in his صحيح from the hadith of ابن أمر رضي الله عنهما that the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said إنا أحب أسمائكم إلى الله عبد الله و عبد الرحمن indeed the most beloved of the names that you choose for your children to Allah is Abdullah and عبد الرحمن and this is the most authentic حديث on the topic of naming the child and this hadith of Abdullah ابن أمر that the most beloved of all of the names to Allah are Abdullah and عبد الرحمن and that's interesting why you find that among the scholars of the of حديث generally speaking that the overwhelming majority that you see among the scholars of حديث you see that they have the كنية the name أبو عبد الله or أبو عبد الرحمن that they have named their child either عبد الله or عبد الرحمن because these are the two names that are the most beloved names to Allah but it's not obligatory that you should name your child Abdullah or عبد الرحمن and there's no doubt that any of the names that have عبودية to Allah they're praiseworthy even though there isn't an authentic حديث in this regard there is a حديث which is مشتهر it's famous but it's not authentic in fact some of the scholars they said about it لا أصل له it doesn't even have an that they said that that it's very famous people say or they mention a حديث and they say that the most beloved names of Allah are the names that contain عبودية or حمد the names that contain عبد or the names that contain حمد like حامد or حماد or محمود and so on but this is not an authentic حديث in fact it doesn't have any origin as a حديث of the messenger of الله صلى الله عليه وسلم but as a general principle there's no doubt that the names that contain عبودية to الله عز وجل these are these are beautiful names but the two that are specifically mentioned in the حديث are عبد الله and عبد الرحمن the servant of الله the servant of the most merciful now it's very important when a parent does choose a name that contains عبودية like عبد it's very very important that the parent is careful to make sure that that name is a name of الله عز وجل so we do see that because sometimes people look for rare and unusual names that sometimes what people might do is they might choose a name that either people famously say it's a name of الله but it's not doesn't really have a strong proof or a name that people it might be a rare name but they they want to choose that name and they put عبد in front of it and it might not be a name of الله so just to give you a simple example عرشيد there's not really a strong evidence to say that عرشيد is one of the names of الله عز وجل in fact a حديث that mentions it in جامعة ترمذي is a حديث that is weak it's not an authentic حديث the first part is authentic but the part that mentions عرشيد as a name of الله is not authentic so it's not befitting to name your child عبد الرحيد because of the the fact that that might contain attributing عبودية servitude and worship to other than الله since that name isn't it's difficult to prove or it's not from the names that there's a clear proof that is from the names of الله عز وجل so it's better to avoid those kind of things and no doubt to to avoid all of the names that contain عبودية to other than الله you know in a clear sense this is even more severe so from this are even the names that contain things like غلام محمد غلام محمد and غلام علي and things like that which people name which which is close to that meaning like the servant of محمد or the servant of علي because even though this word غلام is not the same as the word عبد but subhan Allah it gives that impression of servitude to other than الله عز وجل servitude to the prophet محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم or servitude to علي or so on and so forth so we see names like this and of course the Arabs in the time of جاهلية they used to name with the عبودية to other than الله like عبد الشمس and عبد العزا and عبد الله they used to name the the servant of العزا and the servant of الله عبد المطالب and so on and on the topic of عبد المطالب there's an interesting point that we can bring and that is that there is no harm in mentioning or keeping in your lineage a name which is حرام in a factual sense like mentioning in your lineage as the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said and عبد المطالب i am the grandson of عبد المطالب and عبد المطالب is a حرام name it's not allowed to have it contains عبودية to other than الله عز وجل it contains attributing servitude and worship to other than الله but the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم here is mentioning factually from his lineage so we don't we don't wipe out the lineage by taking away the names of our forefathers that were حرام rather we keep the names in the lineage that belong to our forefathers we keep those from a factual point of view as preserving the lineage not to say that those names are necessarily permissible or not but as for our names or the names of those who are alive the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم would change the names that were forbidden and he would even change the names that are disliked he would even change the names that are disliked when they come to a discussion on that in شاء الله تعالى in a moment our next حديث is a حديث that is narrated from in sunan abidawood from the حديث of أبواهب الجشامي رضي الله عنه the messenger of الله صلى الله عليه وسلم he said تسموا بأسماء الأنبياء وأحب الأسماء إلى الله عبد الله و عبد الرحمن وأصدقها حارث و همام وأقبحها حرب و مرح this حديث some of the scholars they said that it is حسن it reaches the level of being حسن of being a fair حديث when you add to it the حديث it has a weakness in the chamber when you add to it a supporting narration that it comes to the level of being حسن and Allah عزو جلنوه best and it is that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said give your children the names of the أنبياء give your children the names of the أنبياء and we know that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he named one of his children إبراهيم رضي الله عنه أرباء who of course all of the male children of the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم passed away when they were just infants but he had named one of his children إبراهيم so there is an authentic سنة for naming your children with the names of the prophets now he has interesting question what about the names of the angels and the scholars differed about that but I believe the stronger opinion is that you shouldn't name your children with the names of the angels like جبريل or ميكال or so on and so on because this was not known from the صحابة رضي الله عنه and if there was good in it the صحابة would have raised each one another to have you know taken that good and to have implemented that good so we don't see the صحابة رضي الله عنهم taking the name جبريل or ميكال so we believe that it's that's the correct opinion that that the parent they shouldn't name their child with the name of the angels as for the names of the prophets then this is authentic that you should name your children with the names of the prophets and the most beloved of the names to الله عبد الله and عبد الرحمة and the most truthful of them are حارث and همام so again this is mentioned in this حريث and we said that some of the scholars they said the حريث is fair and it is that the most truthful of names are حارث and همام حارث why is it the most truthful of name but حارث is the one who saws a seed he said the one who earns it said it's used the word حارث is used for what a person earns or what a person brings or what a person earns but in its origin it's the one who saws a seed and in reality everyone on this earth is like that you plant seeds and you reap the fruits of what you saw for good or for evil so everyone can be authentically called حارث i mean like every person in the world is a حارث everyone is you know putting things planting seeds and reaping the fruits from that either good or bad either good actions and good deeds or either bad and as for همام then it comes from الهمة which is a person's concern what a person is preoccupied with and in reality everyone is preoccupied everyone is preoccupied either with the matters of the دنيا or preoccupied with the matters of the آخرة and as for the most hated or the most أقبحوحة the most the most horrible of them being حارب ومرره then the prophet size i'm used to change the names that contained bitterness and contained negative like someone who is called ugly for example or someone who is called حارب and حارب is related to war and it's said that because of what war contains from you know killing and slaughter and transgression and ظلم and so on in many cases ومرره because it contains bitterness and any of the names the prophet size i'm saw that were ugly or that contained negative meanings towards the person that was given them the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he would change those names صلى الله عليه وسلمه عليه and an example we can give of how the prophet size i'm changed the traditions of the Arabs in جاهلية and this episode we're going to talk about in the أقيقة إن شاء الله how the prophet size i'm he brought to us in his sunnah a change from the ways of جاهلية from the ways of the pre-islamic times is and one of the examples of this is how the prophet size i'm named الحسن and الحسين رضي الله عنهما because the tradition of the Arabs was to name the children with bitter and scary the boys with bitter scary and you know terrifying names so that when their أنمي would hear them in battle the enemy even the name of the the person would scare the enemy you know that to find out that this commander or this general is coming and he has a terrifying name that you know his name is the slaughterer or something like that it would it would terrify the enemies and this was the tradition of the Arabs to name their children with scary names and names that were quite bitter and harsh and severe and the prophet size i'm changed this and he named his grandchildren الحسن and الحسين both come from الحسن beauty from beauty and goodness so it's a it's a it's a change and in islam we don't have that tradition of naming the boys with you know terrifying scary names rather we choose the best of names for all of our children the boys and the girls and there is nothing wrong with and in fact from the sunnah the prophet size i said to choose a beautiful name for your sons not just for your daughters i like the prophet size i chose the name الحسن and الحسين i asked for changing the names then is narrated by البخاري in الأدب الأدب المفرد outside of his صحيح from the great imam سعيد ابن المسيب أن أباه جاء إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال his father came to the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and the prophet size i said to him مسمك what's your name قال حزن he said my name is حزن and حزن it means شدة it means severity and harshness he said my name is harshness the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said to him قال أنت سهل he said to him rather your name is سهل you should be called سهل you should be called حزن حزن is severity and harshness and toughness and roughness but the father of ابن المسيب he said قال لا أغير اسماً سمانيه أبي he said i'm not going to change a name that my father gave to me so my father gave me this name i don't want to change this name and so he didn't change it as the prophet size me recommended to him he didn't change the name the great imam his son who was a great imam سعيد ابن المسيب رحم الله تعالى from the امة of the tabi'een the great imams of the tabi'een he said قال قال ابن المسيب فما زالت الحزونة وفين بعد he said that this harshness and severity remains in our family until this day سبحان الله that that is that the father's name and he he didn't he didn't choose to change the name like the prophet size i'm said to سهل which is ease and softness and just being easy going and gentle he didn't change it and saw that attribute that characteristic remained within even within the family that the family who had that name that they had that name hasn't and it remained that harshness and that severity and that roughness and toughness remained within them and it's true that a person has a share a portion of their name a person has a portion of their name and a name affects a person so a child who should choose for our children the best of names and the most beloved of names to Allah عز وجل and the matter is one where there is flexibility in terms of the names even though the most beloved of names are عبد الله and عبد الرحمن there's nothing wrong with somebody choosing a different name and from the best of the names are the names of the صحابة رضي الله عنه and a lot of people ask about for girls what names then because here we had عبد الله and عبد الرحمن of course we could take that and we could use the word امه for a girl instead of عبد but generally speaking do we have any specific evidence for the names of the girls or for what is the best of the names of the girls just to look at simply look at the mothers of the believers رضي الله عنه and look at the daughters of the prophet رضي الله عنه وصلى الله عليه وسلم and look at the names of the female companions and these are there are beautiful beautiful names and look at the meaning also to make sure that you are happy with the and one of the things I believe is is very sad in this day and age is that the prevalence of these naming websites where they give you false meanings of the name for example they mention a name and they mention all kinds of words it means hope and love and happiness and joy and when you go back to the Arabic dictionary none of those meanings are found within that name and these websites are just set up to to get traffic so people go on them and it says the meanings of the names and they go and look at their names and say oh my name means this and none of it is authentic so it's very important that you you check the real meaning of the word and also you know there are some some negative things people do with names sometimes people choose random words from the Quran or they choose names that don't make sense or they choose names that you know maybe are culturally common but when you go back to the meaning of that name in Arabic language it doesn't have a nice it doesn't have a nice meaning and sometimes people give their children the names of the disbelievers and they they choose names that are names from the names of the the كفار from the names that the disbelievers choose and all of this is not it's not that's not what you want to give your child to start in life the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said whoever resembles the people is one of them so we don't want to start our children off with this kind of with this kind of culture and this kind of habit we want to start our children off with the best start in life and from the best start in life that you can give to your child is to choose a name that is beloved to الله سبحانه وتعالى and a name that gives them a Muslim identity that makes them i know people want sometimes want their children to blend in in the non-muslim societies but that's not what islam encourages us to do islam encourages us to be distinct to have a Muslim identity so give your children a beautiful Muslim name that has a beautiful meaning and be careful about the meaning check the meaning check it reliably and even from that is that you could ask a friend of yours if you don't speak the Arabic language you could ask a friend to look up the meaning who speaks Arabic to look up the meaning in the Arabic dictionary it's not to go to one of these naming websites that just mentions meanings for names that are not accurate but there are some accurate resources where you can go and you can look up the real meaning of the name إن شاء الله وتعالى from the reliable sources and that's important because at the end of the day it's it's a once in a lifetime choice you're going to make for your child so it's really important that you think about a good name for your children whether they are boys or whether they're girls we come on to our next obligation of the parent or one of the next rights of the child is the right of the actually the obligation of the parent to give their child and actually so we're going to hear this from the حديث of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to explain exactly what this involves so we're going to start with a حديث it's narrated by a ترمذي and a بماجه from the حديث about mother عائشة رضي الله عنها أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أمرهم عن الغولامي شاتان مكافئاتان وعن الجارياتي شا عو ماذا عائشة رضي الله عنها she narrates from the message of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم that he commanded for a boy to شا and the شا is a general word for the the sheep and that which is similar like the goats and it can be a sheep and it can be a goat and it can be male or female because in some of the in some of the other حديث it's mentioned the quranan and inatha it doesn't matter whether they are male or female so they could be sheep or they could be goats but you do have to bear in mind the that they can't have any defects they can't have any illnesses or defects and they have to be at the minimum age for a sacrifice to be valid so for a sheep this would be six months and for a goat this would be a year of age it said a year of age for both but it should be and it should be of the age which is acceptable in the terms of the islamic sacrifice so they are شاتان for the boy and one شا for the girl one شا for the girl and as for the description شا تان مكافي اتان they should be two sheep that are مكافي اتان then this means that they should be متقارب اتان they should be near to one another similar to one another so what does it mean to be similar it said similar in age it said similar in the way that they look or of a similar type two of them that are similar to each other and this is from among the better things that have been said or among the stronger things that have been said regarding مكافي اتان that they should be متقارب اتان في سنة وصورة they should be similar to one another in age and quite similar to one another in the sense that you didn't pick you know one sheep and one goat it should be like similar to each other in the way that they look similar to each other in the age if that is easy for a person and otherwise if they sacrifice two sheep then this is in شاء الله sufficient for them and as for the girl it is only one it's only one sheep and it is permissible for someone else to do that on behalf of the parent because the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم as we are going to hear in subsequent حديث he performed the اقيقة for الحسن and الحسين and سلمان ابن عامر طبي رضي الله عنه narrated the message of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم ساد مع غلامي اقيقة فأهريقوا عنه وداما واميطوا عنه لأذة حديث زين بخاري إن صحيح البخاري that سلمان ابن عامر طبي رضي الله عنه he said that with the birth of a boy comes an اقيقة and here we've heard in the حديث عائشة that it's for a boy or a girl so you should spill blood يعني you should spill blood i you should sacrifice an animal to Allah عز وجل on behalf of that child and you should remove the harm from him and we're going to talk about removing the harm what that means removing the dirt or the filth or the harm and we're going to talk about that when we come to shaving the head and so on and this is حديث صحيح البخاري which further explains and we also have a حديث and this حديث is in in جامع ترمذي and سنان ابن ماجه from the حديث of سمره ابن جندوب that the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said كل غلام مرتهن باقيقته تذبح عنه يوم السابع ويحلق رأسه ويسمى he said every child what he it says boy here it says the male child i can this applies inshallah to the male and the female child this first part that every child is held in pledge for the اقيقة or by their اقيقة so it's a matter of importance the example given is the example of the رهن when you leave something in a as a pledge for for something for example you leave something as a security or sometimes you call it a mortgage or a pledge so it's a matter of importance and the prophet sism explained here that the sacrifice should be carried out on the seventh day and the head should be shaved and the name should be given so the first thing we want to ask ourselves the question here is what does it mean the seventh day what is it what does the seventh day mean so the scholars differed over what this means but اناوى رحم الله تعالى he mentioned that it includes the date in which or the day in which the child is born and the scholars have a lot of difference about it whether is it before the zawal after the zawal and what if the child is born at the night but we're just going to make it simple for the purpose of this and we're going to take the example that was given by شيخ مرثيمين he said so if the child is born on the saturday he said رحم الله تعالى if the child is born on the saturday then the اقيقة should be done on the friday and that's the seventh day including the day that the child is born and inshallah if it is done before that or if it is done after that then it is valid however the سنة is for it to be done on the seventh day and it's not right for a person to be easy about like easy going just say oh i'll do on the eighth day i'll do on the tenth day i'll do on the third day let a person try to do it on the seventh day and if they can't do it on the seventh day then there is a narration from our mother عشة رضي الله عنها which indicates that if it can't be done on the seventh day she said ففي اربعة عشر فإن لم يكن ففي احدة وعشرين she said if it can't be done on the seventh day let it be done on the 14th day and if it can't be done on the 14th day then let it be done on the 21st day however there is no harm if a person as in that it is accepted from a person if they do it before after but الامام and now we uh رحم الله تعالى and others they mentioned that if it is before and they mentioned the consensus of this that if it is before the child is born it's not accepted it's not an اقلقة it's just شاة الحم it's just a sacrifice it's just meat nothing more than that if it's done before the child is born however we should try to follow the sunnah in this try to go for the seventh day what الله عز وجل makes easy try to aim for the seventh day but if a person can't and they then better they go for the 14th and if they can't then the 21st and if they can't do that then whatever day is easy for them after the child is born and it will be acceptable إن شاء الله تعالى and we hear some other etiquettes in this حديث like the shaving of the head and we're going to come to that إن شاء الله and the giving of the name now there's no harm in the parent deciding the name before that or discussing the name before the child is born but it's nice if you officially make the name on that seventh day and that's the time that it becomes official and before that if you can you can keep it like that we are you know we're thinking about naming the child or we've kind of settled on naming the child but let it be official on the day of the أقيقة on the seventh day that's it from the sunnah I can if a person names the child before that there is no harm in that إن شاء الله تعالى as long as the name is a name which is permissible in Islam and our next question with relation to the أقيقة is what do we do with the meat so here the scholars differed with regard to the أقيقة meat and some of them they held the opinion that it is the same as the أضحية that is the same as the sacrifice that is made on the in the days of Hajj the sacrifice that is made on the day of عيد عيد العضحة and they said that this is the same it's like that the same rulings apply and others said there's no specific mention of what you should do with the أقيقة meat so the matter is easy for you and you do what is easy for you if you wish to do the same like the أضحية in Hajj and you wish to give a third to the poor and you wish to keep a third for yourself and you wish to give a third to your friends and your neighbors that are around you there is no harm in that and if you wish to do something different with that there is also no harm in إن شاء الله because the the intention behind the أقيقة is to spill the blood as a قربان as a means of getting near to الله سبحانه وتعالى and it's not necessarily the distribution of the meat but if the person gives some in صدقه then that is even better إن شاء الله وتعالى and there is no harm whether they give it cooked or they give it raw there is no harm in that but they should look at what is more beneficial for people and what is more إن شاء الله easy for people so a person looks at what is going to benefit people more and what is easy for them and there is no specific ruling that it should be given as meat or it should be given cooked or it should be given with something or without something there is no specific ruling on this إن شاء الله and a person should do whatever is easy for them and الله سبحانه وتعالى knows best عبد الله ابن بريده and this حليف is in سنن أبي داود he said قال سمعت أبي بريده رضي الله عنه يقول كنا في الجاهلية إذا ولد لأحدنا غلام ذبح شاتا ولا طخ رأسه بدمها فلما جاء الله بالإسلام كنا نذبح شاتا ونحلق رأسه ونلطخه بزعفران عبد الله ابن بريده he narrates from his father بريده رضي الله عنه he said that we used to in the time of جاهلية if one of us had a child we would sacrifice an animal and we would pour the blood of that animal over the child's head and when Allah brought us the religion of Islam we used to sacrifice the animal and we would shave the child's head and we would put صفران or يعني صفران as like a perfume over the head of the child and i brought this حديث here in the hadith as we said in سنن أبي داود as evidence that this is something that was done in the time of جاهلية but the prophets kept the ruling of the أقيقه but changed the way that it was done so in the time of جاهلية they would sacrifice the animal and then they would pour blood upon the head of the child and this is something which is dirty the blood that comes from the animal that is sacrificed the blood that comes out from the animal that is to be drained from the animal it's not supposed to be used for something it's the blood that we're not allowed to eat and we're not allowed to use it's it's taken from the animal and it's spilled from the animal so to to pour that over the head of the child that's what they used to do in the time of جاهلية but the أقيقه was kept and that's why ابن القيم رحم الله تعالى he said والنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قد أقع عن الحسن والحسين وفعله أصحابه وجعلها هؤلاء من أمر الجاهلية he said that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم perform the أقيقه فلحسن الحسين and his companions did the same so it's not right that certain people said that this is purely a جاهلي customer and it shouldn't be it shouldn't be done or it shouldn't be that it shouldn't be carried out in islam it's from the sunnah in islam but in a different way to the way that was done in جاهلية he said صلى الله عليه وسلم وقد قال الغلامه مرتهن باقيقته وهو اسنادون جيد يرويه أبو هوريرا عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم ابن القيم he mentioned this in his amazing book on the children the rulings of the the newborn child تحفت المودود and ابن القيم he said the أقيقه is a sunnah from the message of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and he the prophet saism had authentically said that the child is held in pledge by his أقيقه and it is an authentic it's a good chain it's narrated by أبي هوريرا from the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم so what does it mean that the child is held in pledge what does that actually mean so there are different statements from the scholars about what this means some of the scholars they said it means that if the child dies as a child he will not intercede for his parents unless they did his أقيقه and it will not hurt the child but the parent will uh the the parent will not receive the intercession of the child uh if the parent did not do the أقيقه i if the parent was negligent if the parent could not afford the أقيقه or something like that إن شاء الله تعالى we we don't we hope that the parent will not be held to account for this and the أقيقه is سنة مؤكدة it's not from the واجبات it's from the highly recommended سنة and not from the obligations however that the parent would be one of the opinions of the scholars about held in pledge is that the parent will not get the intercession of the child it's also said that the أقيقه will be a reason to protect the child from the شيطان and the child will not be as well protected from the شيطان if the أقيقه is not done and this is an evidence an evidence that we can also further put for the the concept that the parents actions and the parents what they do when the child is born and before the child is born can have consequences for the child we explain the difference between this and the issue of وَلَا تَزِرُ وَازِرَهُ وَزِرَهُ وَزِرَهُ أُخْرَهُ that nobody will bear the burden of another person we we said that the child will not bear the sin but that doesn't mean the child will not have consequences of what the parents do so the parents are negligent regarding the أقيقه there could be an effect upon the child but the child will not carry a sin from it but there can be an effect upon the child and likewise we mentioned the etiquettes of intimacy that parents don't follow that they can be also an effect upon the child but the child will not be blamed for that or held to account for that or punished for that but ultimately that doesn't mean that they won't have certain tests and consequences in their life because of what the parents decide to do and that shows us how important it is that we take our responsibility as parents اليمام ابن القيم رحمه الله تعالى he mentioned three among the benefits of the أقيقه he mentioned three things he said that it is a fidia and it's a like what happened with اسمعيل and إبراهيم that الله عز وجل accepted in place of the sacrifice of of اسمعيل that إبراهيم was كماندر to do that in place of that in place of that the sacrifice was done so it became a it became a fidia it became an expiation or an alternative and likewise what the prophets as I mentioned regarding being held in pledge and likewise from the benefits that ابن القيم mentioned is that it is a قربان it is an act of nearness to Allah as soon as the child is born look at what an excellent start that child receives to have such a thing done that as soon as they are born in the seventh day they are born so it is a means of nearness to Allah عز وجل as soon as the child is born and that sets the child you know sets out what the parent wants from the child in terms of religion and nearness to Allah and it also you know sort of from the point of the child it gives them the best possible start as for the shaving of the head that's the next point that we're going to come to we have a حديث عن علي بنابي طالب رضي الله عنه أنه قال عقر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم عن الحسن بشه علي بنابي طالب رضي الله عنه عقر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقر العقيقة for الحسن with the sheep صعrée أن سنة استابلش that it's two sheep for the boy and he said, Oh Fatima shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver as صدقى this is one of the etiquettes this حديث is in jamiat ermedi and it's one of the etiquettes to give the weight of the head when you shave the boy's head to give the weight in يجب أن يكون الوصول في السلوة وإبن القيّم رحم الله تعالى قلت about the benefit of shaving the newborn's hair he said shaving his head removes the harm from him removes the weak hair so that the stronger and firmer hair replaces it and it is beneficial for the head it comforts the newborn it opens the pores on the head it strengthens his eyesight, his smell and his sense of smell and his hearing so there are many benefits that Ibn Qaym رحم الله تعالى he mentioned regarding the shaving of the head but now the question comes do we shave the head of a female child and the scholars of Fiqh they differed with regard to this the Malikiya and the Shafi'iyah they said that there is no difference in this between the girl and the boy and as for the Hanabila they said no it should not be shaved because the shaving of the head always mentions the Ghulam mentions the male child and as for the female child there isn't a specific mention for that rather what's mentioned for the female child is the sacrifice of one of one sheep so the Hanabila they held this opinion and Allah عز وجل knows best that's something which the scholars differed in and Allah سبحانه وتعالى knows best another another etiquette and another obligation that parents have to carry out for their children in the early days when the child is born is الخيتان and that is circumcision and for this we have a hadith from the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and it's the hadith of أبي هوريرة رضي الله عن that he said صلى الله عليه وسلم الفطرة خمس or he said خمس من الفطرة الخيتان and then he mentioned the hadith he said there are five things from the fitra and among them he mentioned circumcision that was the first one that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned and this is something which is strongly emphasised in relation to the boy and it's closer to being from the واجبات and Allah عز وجل knows best in relation to the boy as for the girl then it is a sunnah it is a sunnah and there is a hadith from the hadith of our mother أعشة رضي الله عنها in صحي مسلم that indicates that this is a sunnah for the girl as it is for the boy but for the boy it's closer to being from the واجبات أعشة رضي الله عنها she narrated that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said if a man comes to a woman and he comes between her four limbs and the two circumcised parts touch each other then وصل becomes obligatory so here the two circumcised parts indicates that both the male and the female would be circumcised however it is a sunnah as it relates to the girls and it is closer to being from among the واجبات or among the extremely important the extremely important matters for the boy so obviously for the girl in this age we have to deal with the issue of what people call FGM that the mutilation of girls through circumcision and this is something that has no place in Islam and Islam never called to this the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said there should be no harm caused to anybody and he prohibited all kinds of oppression صلى الله عليه وسلم وعلي and all kinds of harm صلى الله عليه وسلم so this is what people call FGM this has nothing to do with the religion of Islam but some parents might have the effect of that in the sense that they might be in a situation where if they were to carry out the sunnah in terms of the circumcision of the female child they could be breaking the law or they could have their child taken away from them in some countries because many countries don't distinguish between FGM and between the circumcision of the girl which is prescribed and allowed in Islam they don't distinguish between the two because they aren't able to tell the difference because of their ignorance they don't know that there is a difference between these two things so no parent should take that risk if it is something which is illegal or something which is going to get could get their children taken away from them no parent should take that risk it is a sunnah at the end of the day there is no harm in leaving it for the girl if that is not allowed or if there is a danger to the parent or a danger to the child in that there is no harm in leaving it for the girl but it's from the sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم if the person is able to do it and Allah عز وجل knows best so that's all we have time for in this episode and Allah عز وجل knows best وصلى الله عليه وسلم على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه اجمعي السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running go to amauathome.com


So is the man that you're seeing right now, your soulmate? Is he just some kind of regular connection that you have? Or are you guys absolutely wrong with for each other? That's what we're gonna be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're gonna be talking about eight different signs that the man that you're seeing is not your soulmate. So what are the signs? Number one is there's never been any real trust in your relationship. So relationships are built and they grow through mutual trust, putting each other's needs first and taking ownership of the entire relationship. And so if you guys can't trust each other, then you're probably not meant for each other, at least not long-term. So by the way, if you're watching this right now, make sure that you say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. So number two is that you're constantly fighting with one another. So occasional conflict is, it's normal in a relationship. Everybody has conflict. When two people come together from different backgrounds with different values, the conflict happens because it's just, it's a normal part of life, right? But if you guys are fighting all the time, it might be that the timing for each other is a little bit off, right? You may need to go and do some healing work if you have some pain from your past that you haven't gotten over yet because a lot of times fighting, what it comes from is like you have things that you're trying to protect yourself from and so you make sure that you're not getting hurt and so you end up fighting because of it. So the timing might be off and maybe you need to do some healing work or some growing before you can really figure out whether you're good match for each other, either that or your values might be completely off. And so either way, it's probably good to take some space and really spend some time thinking about what's going on in your situation and thinking of what the best way for it is whether your values are just too far off or whether you need to do some healing work or some growth first. Number three is you always fantasize about being with someone else and not just physically. So fantasizing about people, it actually happens pretty often in even healthy, normal relationships. You see somebody and there's a glimmer of fantasy that happens, right? Once in a while, that's actually pretty common and pretty normal even among happy couples. But if you're fantasizing a lot about being with somebody, it means that you're probably not really in love with the person that you're with. And so you might wanna think a little bit more about, is this person right for me? Do we have the soulmate connection that I want? Is this like something that's going to have a future together or is it something that we might be doing or is it something that where it's just, we've been seeing each other for a while and it's one of those things that I love can grow. It can grow and develop between partners. That's actually something that happens all the time. But there's also situations where women will sometimes get into situations where with guys because they want to see if that love will grow but it never does. And I've talked to women in our community who got married to guys like this and then ended up getting divorced because it never ended up showing up. And there's actually a reason for that. Number four is you're missing that deep personal communication that you guys have. So soulmates speak to each other's souls, right? That's your soulmate. So one person or the other isn't letting the other person into their heart. That's a sign that you're missing that, right? And that can make you leave you feeling empty and like there's something better out there for you. And if you want that deep connection, the best place to find it is with your partner. It is possible that if you're like, hey, no, I love this relationship that I'm in and I don't need that soulmate connection with my partner, you can always get it from somebody else. Although that, depending on your relationship that could be considered cheating that could not be considered cheating. Sometimes it's from a same-sex partner where you're just friends and you just have a deep connection. And so you need to decide whether that's something that you're willing to put aside in your situation or not or whether you want it all in one spot. So number five is you never act yourself around him.  And so if you're with someone who wants to fix or mold or shape you into the perfect person that they want you to be, that's a problem, right? You should always be growing. I absolutely am a huge fan of growth, right? And developing yourself and making yourself the best version of you that you can possibly be. That's incredibly important in life, but you should also be with someone who wants to pull out your personality and accepts you for who you are.  You're definitely not with your soulmate. Number six is your values and goals and life are totally misaligned. And so it's normal to have your own goals and things that you're working on in your life. That's great, that's normal, that's perfect, but they shouldn't be a total mismatch, right? If your values are too different, right? If you're going in completely opposite directions and you're just, you don't see the kind of the same, you're not seeing on the same fundamental levels, right? There's too many like important foundational things that are misaligned in your relationship. It'll be very difficult to grow and see each other together in the long-term. So by the way, if you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the comments. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask whatever question you have. I'm gonna get to the questions in a little bit. So if you get what I'm talking about, say I get it, if not, and by the way, if you have any other questions about anything, go ahead and ask them in the chat. So number seven, there's never an intense, passionate connection between you. So it's a lot more common to meet someone who you like and you get along with and everything's fine and you have a good relationship, but it's very uncommon to meet someone who makes you feel alive inside, right? Passion is that thing that makes a connection deep and raw and intense. And if there's no passion there, you might be good together, everything might be fine, it might be happy, it might be okay, but he's not really that soulmate connection. And it's actually passion is something that you can develop in a relationship. If you want to, passion is created by polarity. I talk a lot about that, the polarity principle. And so you can develop passion in your relationship if you don't currently have it. Number eight is that you don't make each other's lives better. So a good relationship doesn't just make you feel good, it makes your entire life better, right? You feel happier. The best parts of you are pulled out. You feel passionate, you feel alive inside, right? And the relationship inspires you to be a better person and your life is better off because of this. And if it isn't true, if the relationship doesn't add that much value to your life, why would you want to be in it in the first place? And so you want to get into relationships with your heart and your head, right? I see women sometimes they're like, they get into the relationship just because their heart makes them feel it or there's some kind of passion there or something. But the person really isn't right for them, but they're ignoring that. And I also see women that get into relationships because everything's right on paper, but ultimately it's, he's not the right person for you.  This is the most important decision that you can make in your entire life. You want to make a good decision. So if you want to get into a great relationship we're absolutely loved, cherished and just adored by the man that you're with, what you wanna do is go and visit theforeverwomanformula.com and pick up a copy of my program there. You can get it for free. Theforeverwomanformula.com. It's all about how to attract and keep an amazing man who absolutely cherishes you in your life. It works for women who are single. It also works for women who are in relationships. And I help women who are married turn their marriages around with this program. And so my suggestion is that you go and check it out. So let's see what kind of comments we have here. I'm doing a little bit of a different setup here. And so the comments are over here on the right, left depends on which side you're looking at it from. It's on my right, might be your left. I don't know. So let's see what we've got here. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Lots of hellos from all over the world. Super awesome to see all these people from everywhere. Thank you for being here everybody. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So I feel so blessed with having so many people from all over the world coming and watching my live streams. So cool. So let's see what LaTricia says. My name is LaTricia, I live in South Georgia. I'm guessing that's the country Georgia and not the state. My ex doesn't make time for me, maybe it is the state. But yet he says he wants me, he wants to be with his friends and not be seen with me. Well, obviously there's a mismatch there and so you don't wanna be with a mismatch. That is never, never good. So Nita says, what to do if my guy has four kids and he is 10 years older than me? So what to do? I mean, you have to kind of make a decision for yourself if this is a good situation for you to be in, right? He's got four kids, that doesn't mean anything. How old are the kids, right? It might mean something if they're still living with him. They might not mean anything if they're not 10 years older than you, that doesn't tell me anything either, right? How does he treat you? How does he make you feel? What kind of a relationship do you have together? That stuff tells me something, telling me what you just told me does not. All right, let's see. Linda says, hi, Matthew from London, Ontario, Canada. Thank you for the Forever Woman Formula. You are welcome for the Forever Woman Formula. She says, has helped me so much in my journey as a woman and my dating life. Well, awesome, I'm glad it's helped you so much and I'm very grateful for you allowing me to be a part of your journey and going through my program. So thank you so much. Julie True says, I give up on any kind of relationship. I think my destiny is to just be alone. Well, if that's what you believe, then you're gonna experience that in your life, whether it's true or not. And so if you believe that, then you will start creating that reality, right? It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a psychological concept. If you believe something to be true and you start looking for that thing to be true, ultimately what will end up happening is you will create that truth in your life, whether that's true or not, right? It'll end up being true for you because you believe it. My suggestion is that you change your beliefs. Go get my program, the foreverwomanformula.com, because I help you change your beliefs in there and start valuing yourself and start believing that you deserve something more. Lots of women get it. Get it, get it, get it. I get it. You have a point. You have a point. Let's see. Questions, questions, questions. What questions do you have? Susan says, how about second relationships after divorce? How about them?  And how long has it been since your divorce? There's lots of questions here that I have for you, Susan, because you need to give me a little bit more information. Little bit more information. Harley says, your live stream is awesome. Well, thank you, you are awesome. You know, I think you have a really good taste in live streams. That's my opinion of what you just said. An honest Facebook user says, because of my past experience, I really find it hard to know a man who is deeply in love. So please, Matthew, how do I know a man who want to get into a serious relationship with me? Well, I've actually done videos and live streams on this exact topic, but he will, one is that you need to have conversations about this from the beginning, right? Like you should have a conversation with him. Find out what it is that he's looking for. You know, find out, make sure that before you get into any kind of physical intimacy, that you end up having a conversation about exclusivity. You make sure that you guys are on the same page. Make sure that he's investing in you and then go and look at some of the videos that I have on my channel about the signs that say that a man is looking for something serious with you because that those videos, I have videos about that. And so you want to make sure that you're getting into the best situation possible. And the other thing that you absolutely should do is get the forever woman formula because I talk about how to do all of these things in depth in that program and making sure that you're getting into the best possible situation where you're getting into a relationship not only where a man is gonna commit to you, but he's also going to love you and cherish you and want to be with you forever because you are a forever woman.  And once you believe that, it's really easy to have these conversations with a guy because it goes from this thing where you're like, you know, what do guys want? I don't know, are guys just looking to hook up? I don't know if he wants this with me or not to being like, hey, this is what I'm looking for. What are you looking for? And knowing that you can have these conversations because they're conversations that you should be having because you deserve to get into a great situation and you need to make sure that you're not just wasting years of your life with somebody who's not really serious about you and doesn't want anything serious with you and isn't investing in you and isn't building something real with you. And so make sure that you're doing all those things. So the next anonymous Facebook user says, hi, Matt. If you have a connection, how much time should you give it to build passion in a relationship? Well, you can build passion very, very quickly, right? Like I said earlier, passion is built through polarity. And so the more polarity you have in the relationship, the more passion will end up being there. And you can kind of pull out emotions in him, but he can also have emotions in him that are passionate, right? And the more passionate he is, the more passion he's gonna bring to you. And it sounds like the situation you're talking about specifically is a situation where there's not a whole lot of passion there at all, right? Which what you need to do in that situation and if you're with a masculine energy man, which most of the women that I deal with are and want to be with, then what you can do really easily and quickly is drop into your feminine energy. And you can actually get a guy to be really passionate about you by dropping into your feminine energy. And a lot of women come to me and they're like, oh, Matt, well, I don't wanna hear about this feminine energy thing. I'm not a feminine woman. You know, I don't have feminine energy, all that kind of stuff, which is nonsense. Everybody has feminine energy. I have feminine energy, you have feminine energy, everybody has feminine energy. And for most women, it's really easy to drop into once you start learning about it because for most women, it's their natural state. It's their core. And so maybe you've spent a lot of time where you haven't been in your feminine energy or you've been in more of a neutral state. Well, you can drop into your feminine energy pretty quickly and pretty powerfully by connecting with yourself in the right ways. And if you're really interested in learning more about that, not only do we have videos on this channel about it, we also have an entire program by Helena Hart that you can pick up for $1 right now. We're doing a $1 special on it. You can get it at feminineenchantment.com, feminineenchantment.com. You can get it for $1. It's a great program. People love it. Helena is amazing, so. So Kathy says, hi Matt. A new guy I met online told me he's never since spent, I think you're trying to say spent $150 on anyone, even his mom. He has a good stable job. Is that a red flag? How can I find out? Well, it's not necessarily a red flag. What it is is a pattern, right? So he has a pattern in his life of not spending money on people. And so what that tells me about him is that he's not very generous, which isn't necessarily a problem. It could be a problem if you like to live a lavish lifestyle, right? Even if you have your own money, it could be a problem. If you like to live and enjoy a lot of things and spend money on each other and all that kind of stuff, or if your primary love language is gift giving, right? So, and you feel like somebody has to give you gifts in order to feel loved, that there's a way to change your feelings and your rules and how you feel loved if you want to. And I talk about that in the Forever Woman Gold Club program. But it could be a problem if you like to take trips, if you like to do things where you're spending money and he doesn't wanna spend any money because you're with a guy who's kind of stingy, right? And it's not necessarily a bad thing because usually like there's this thing out there, there's a book out there. It's called The Millionaire Next Door, right? And it talks about the differences between wealthy people and people that don't have any money but spend a lot of money, right? And there's a big difference. Most people think that people with nice cars who spend a lot of money on different things and go out to lavish dinners, most people think that those people are rich people. And most of those people aren't rich people at all, right? They're actually just high income earners who spend a lot of money. And they might be in total debt and swimming in financial debt and have huge problems in our one month away from being in total financial collapse, right?  And that's kind of a different topic but it's kind of a thing to think about, right? It doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything necessarily bad going on there, right? Like how else does he treat you? How else does he make you feel? How else, you know, does he spend time with you and do things? It's not necessarily a red flag that he doesn't spend money on people, right? Basically what he's trying to do is my guess, my guess, if I was him and I was in his shoes and I was telling a woman online that I met or was talking to that I only spend 100, I've never spent more than $150 on anybody before, why would I say that to somebody, right? Why would a guy who's dating out there say that to a woman? And the obvious answer is that he's trying to weed out gold diggers, right?  That would be my guess for why he's actually saying that. And so you just wanna get in, I have a little bit of compassion and get into the mind of the person that's talking to you and say, okay, why would this person say this to me, right? Like you guys are talking online, I have no indication that you guys have actually met up with each other in real life.  My guess is that he's testing you in some way, whether consciously or not. And he's trying to figure out whether you're a gold digger or not.  Just like a lot of women are afraid of a guy using them just for physical intimacy and hooking up and not actually getting into a real relationship. Guys are really scared of women who are trying to use them for money. They're trying to use them to get into a position where they're just in a relation, like it's like, it doesn't matter what guy, this guy will do, right? And so he's kind of a placeholder for you so that you can say, look, I'm in a relationship, everybody, I'm happy. Aren't you guys happy for me, right? Which is what a lot of people do, right? People do this all the time. Men and women do this all the time. They just, they want somebody because they can say that then they're in a relationship and that they're not dysfunctional and that their friends and their family don't think that they're gonna be alone for the rest of their life and all that kind of stuff. And so there's a lot of different reasons why this could happen. And so you need to kind of gauge what's happened in your conversation and figure out what those things are. But no, I don't necessarily think that it's a red flag that he hasn't spent more than $150 on somebody in his life, unless you're looking for a certain type of lifestyle that he's probably not gonna end up being able to provide for you if what you want is somebody to provide a lifestyle for you or with you if you like to go out and spend lavishly and go to expensive nice hotels and all those kinds of things, which there's nothing wrong with by the way. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I know women that love to do that. I have a friend actually who is very wealthy and she loves going out to hotels and like staying at the nicest hotels she possibly can traveling all over the world and all these things. And every guy that she dates is always has less money than she does.  And she's like, no, I'm staying at the Hilton, right? And he's like, and she's like, I'll pay for it, right? And it's just, it's an interesting dynamic. And so those are the kinds of things that you might want to think about as opposed to thinking that it's a red flag. It could be a yellow flag, but red flag. Eh, eh, I don't know about that one. All right, let's see, what else do we have here? Pigeon mating call. That's the, it's the pigeon mating call. Pigeon mating call. Pigeon mating call. We have some pigeons on my roof and so I hear them all the time. All right, Jill says, he feels guilty leaving his ex. He puts her first, it bothers me, they have two kids together. He feels guilty leaving his ex. So he's left her and he feels guilty about it. Okay, so he puts her first, it bothers me. Yeah, it sounds like he's still emotionally attached to her, they have two kids together. I mean, yeah, he probably does feel guilty about it and that's a red flag, right? That's definitely a red flag that he's putting her first, that he's feels guilty about it, that like him feeling guilty about it says that there's still a deep emotional connection there. Which isn't necessarily a problem, right? If you're with somebody for a long time and you have kids together, you're naturally gonna care about them or you could naturally care about them if you don't hate them for a long time or the rest of your life, right? But putting her first all the time, I don't know, you'd have to tell me what that means about putting her first, like what does that look like? Putting her first, all that kind of stuff so that I can know a little bit more about what you're saying. Facebook user says he says he's busy but if you want to see me, I feel like you will make time. Yes, that's true. He might be busy and if he wants to see you, he will make time, right? Doesn't matter how busy he is. If he really wants to see you, he'll make time. Otherwise what you know is that you're not the priority. Which isn't necessarily a problem if it's some of the time, right? So for most men, having their work be a priority when they're working is usually an okay thing, right? Because he needs to be passionate about his job and working and working hard and all that kind of stuff. But if he never puts you as a priority and all of his off time is spent working and he never makes any time for you, that can be a serious problem for sure. Veronica says how to deal with separation anxiety since my boyfriend got stuck in a different state during the quarantine. He says he loves me but feels the relationship is dormant.  Well, it sounds like, are you asking about separation anxiety for you or for your boyfriend? I mean, it sounds like your boyfriend's still on board and he really cares about you and he wants to see you. He's stuck in another state. He wants to make things happen with you, right? Yeah, it sounds like you have the separation anxiety is what it sounds like. It sounds like your boyfriend's still on board with this and you're freaking out about it because you're like, he's in another state, what do I do, right? And that's normal, that's natural, right?  And what you wanna do is build that relationship through video chat, set up a specific time when you think that your guys are gonna be free and able to meet with each other again once all the stuff kind of settles down and just make sure that you're kind of following the guidelines that I talk about in my program when you're not spending time with him, focus on other things, but make some special time when you guys are video chatting, when you guys are talking, you guys can send each other gifts and stuff like that. I have a whole program about what to do in kind of long distance situations. It's called Long Distance Allure. You can go and find it at my website at commitmentconnection.com. If you're interested in learning more about long distance situations, that program is filled with great information about how to do that. Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-do. Let's see, let's see. Doop-de-doop-de-do. And we have a lot of questions today. Heather says, yeah, Matt, what if a guy, if the guy is hot and cold, he is an introvert after 25 years of knowing him? I know how he works, what should I do? Well, yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where introverts can be a little bit more hot and cold, right? Because I'm an introvert, for instance, right? Like I like to go, I like the idea of going out, right? I like the idea of spending time with people and doing things, but it kind of sucks a lot of my energy out. And so a lot of times I'll be like, yeah, you know, I'm gonna go do that. And then I'll like show up at a place and I'm like, all right, time to leave, right? You know, because I'm an introvert, right? And so that can be a challenge. And one of the things that you'll want to think about in terms of an introvert is how is he being hot and cold, right? Because most introverts, they can spend time with one person and it shouldn't be a problem as long as it's like a one-on-one thing with that person. And so the question is like, what kind of, you know, hot and cold is this?  Because, you know, and that really, because even as an introvert, you know, I can still stay connected with somebody on a regular basis and I can, you know, be in a relationship and love somebody and communicate with somebody and all of those things, right? And so if those things are kind of missing, you know, you might want to bring up some boundary conversations around that or figure out what it is, like what is, what's the hot and cold cycle? Like, what does that mean? Is he hot for a couple of days and then cold for a couple of days or is it like weeks or is it like months, right? Because if it's a shorter period of time, like a week or something like that, that could be more normal behavior. If it's longer periods of time, like months or something like that, it's, you know, that's questionable whether you actually want to be in a situation like that and whether, you know, if there's other things going on with him outside of just being an introvert, right? Because being an introvert doesn't make you dysfunctional. It just means that you build your energy when you're by yourself. And so you need time to build your energy by yourself. But that doesn't mean that you need to have weeks where you're not talking to somebody or going silent or ignoring somebody's text messages or calls. But at the same time, it's probably not gonna work out as well if your partner is wanting you to go out and spend a whole bunch of time around a ton of people and you're always going to parties and stuff like that. And the person's like, I don't really do this. I'm more of a stay at home and hang out at home and watch movies and play board games and, you know, talk about philosophy and stuff like that, which is one of my favorite topics. I love talking about philosophy. I used to go to bars and talk philosophy to people in bars. I'd go into a bar and I'd be like, let's talk about the existential existence of humankind. Start asking questions. Who are you really though? Like deep inside, what is that?   Anyway, I'm not gonna do that. So let's see. Carol says, if you seduce your man physically. I'm not sure what you mean by that, Carol. Kevita says, you've helped me with this journey. Well, I'm glad that I've helped you. Thanks for being on the journey with me and allowing me to help you. Kevita. All right, let's see what Lynn says. What if my guy has OCD and I am a little messy? Suggestions on how to approach that. Yeah, it's the challenge with being with somebody that's cleaner than you, right? I don't know if you actually mean that he has OCD or whether he's like one of those neat freaks, right? Could be either one as far as I'm concerned. I've definitely called people OCD before who didn't actually have OCD but we're just like really, really clean. And the challenge with being the dirtier one is that your OCD partner is going to be annoyed with you all the time, right? They're gonna be like, oh, this person didn't clean up after themselves again, right? And so it's one of those things where he's got to have kind of a thing where he lets, there's two ways to either deal with this, right? One, he's gotta have a thing where he kinda lets go of it and it's not a big deal to him and he's willing to deal with it. The second thing that you can do is break his emotional state, right? And make it kind of more of a fun and happy thing together, right? If he gets like angry or annoyed or whatever, right? Coming over and just messing with him, right? You can mess with him a little bit because he's like annoyed and that can actually break his emotional state, right?  And you're like angry, right? And you're like pouting, you're like walking around, your uncle comes over and he sees that you're, it's like, I don't know if everybody had this or not, but I had a couple of like really fun, like chilled out uncles, right? That were like, yeah, what's up, man?  When I wasn't looking and it would just crack me up, right? I couldn't, they'd be like, are you still angry? Are you still angry now?  And so it's one of those things where you can break that pattern that he has and create a new pattern and a new association. Because if he gets into the pattern of being kind of upset with you and annoyed with you all the time, that could end up becoming a longer term thing. And so you wanna make sure that you break that pattern if that's something that ends up happening. So, all right, let's see, what else do we have here? Beep-a-deep-a-deep. Christine says, how about ad-deek-a-doo? I don't know, is that a, is that code language for something? Ad-deek-a-doo, ad-deek-a-doo, ad-deek-a-doo, beep-a-dee, beep-a-dee, beep-a-dee. All right, so, oh, okay, what do we have?  Oh, we just went over that. Beep-a-dee, beep-a-dee. Sog says, hi Matt, I am from Austria, Europe. Ha-ha, I'm in Poland right now. Thanks for your amazing content. When he is not ready to open up his heart but says he has feelings for me, what to do? Well, first thing that I think you should do, it depends, it depends on where you are in your situation, right? If you're not in a committed relationship yet and you guys haven't been seeing each other for a long time, which is what it sounds like to me, right? You're saying he's not ready to open up his heart but he says he has feelings for you, right? Like, what that means is that maybe he's a little bit scared, maybe he's hesitant, maybe he has some things in his past, right? My suggestion and my suggestion for everybody is to make sure that you're building abundance, right? If you're not exclusive, if you're not in a committed relationship, my suggestion is that you build abundance and make sure that you're seeing other people and that you have an abundance of connection. And at some point, what's gonna happen is he's gonna start feeling like he needs to break through his barrier of feeling like he's stuck in this thing where he doesn't wanna open up to you if he wants to keep you around. And so that's the most important thing, right? Is that, you know, don't fall into a relationship. Don't commit to a guy before he commits to you. Don't jump in with your heart with a guy if he's closing his heart off, right? It sounds like he said that he likes you but he's not willing to open up to you, right? Which means that he's interested in something, some kind of potential or possibility in something happening, but he's not willing to actually go deep and open himself up and be real with you yet, which is, that's fine, but you don't wanna be sitting around waiting forever for him to do that, right? Because if you're sitting around waiting forever for him to do that, then he might end up not doing that ever, especially if he ends up getting all of his needs met and he's allowed to stay behind his barrier and not actually open up to you and all that kind of stuff, right? And that sucks, right? It's a, it kind of feels bad thinking about that, but at the same time, it's like, hey, you know, there's a certain kind of relationship, type of relationship that you wanna have. You have a standard for what you want in a relationship and over time, he might do that, but not if he's comfortable and he feels like he doesn't have to do that in order to really have you, right? And it's one of those things where I've talked about in the past about this concept of a guy feeling afraid that he might lose you, not through like actually trying to make him jealous or any of those kind of gamey things, but just being like, hey, look, here's the deal, like I like you and I'd like to be with you, but what I want is the real thing, the whole thing, everything, something that's a soulmate type of connection, something where we are just passionate and in love and I feel cherished and I feel seen and I feel like I can respect you and appreciate you and like you are my king and I am your queen, right? And that's the kind of relationship that you want and good on you for that. And you're not willing to settle or sit around and hope and pray that this person ends up doing this, right? And so it sounds like you're still at those initial stages of dating and it sounds like there's potential there, but it also sounds like he's kind of testing the waters and he's giving you this limitation of his, right? He's fighting for one of his own limitations right now. And the question is, is that limitation gonna win or is his heart gonna win? Is the fullness of his heart gonna win? And so you'll find out, right? You'll find out which one it is, depending on whether he decides whether he wants to step up or whether he wants to just chill and let things go and he's too scared to step up and it's not up to you whether he does that or not. It's up to him, but you can put yourself, make sure you're not putting yourself into a bad situation and putting yourself in the best situation you possibly can. And the best situation you can be in is using my program, The Forever Woman at theforeverwomanformula.com. Visit that, check it out. It's a great program. So, doop-de-do, Harley says there, ba-ka-ba-doo! Harley says there is someone out there for anyone. There is someone out there for anyone? Yeah, I think that there's people out there for everybody. I mean, there's a lot of people out there. And if there's not somebody for you, it's like, how many people are there out there and how could there not be somebody out there for you? Seems kind of strangely peculiar that there wouldn't be a man out there for you and there are so many men out there and there are so many men that could be for you. So yes, absolutely. There is a man out there for you. Texan Kelly says, my boyfriend is old enough to be my dad, but he respects me. Good on you for that one. Facebook user says, thanks for helping us. Athena says, my problem, I like a guy who likes me as much as I like him. And there's another guy who likes me a lot, but I don't feel the same. What should I do? Well, I mean, the obvious answer is that you go with the guy that likes you as much as you like him. That's the obvious answer, Athena. I mean, the real question is, there's a lot of other questions that could be brought up about this, but I mean, if you don't feel something for a guy, I mean, the question, the real question is why are you even asking this question? Like why would you be asking what you should do if there's a guy out there that you like and likes you, and there's a guy out there that likes you, but you don't like.  And those guys don't get you, right? Unless there's something else going on there that you're not speaking about on here. Pigeon mating call. All right, so Mimi says, I'm 51. How do I get back out there? It's real, it's real simple. Make sure you're following the laws in your area, but you go outside and you start meeting people. You don't even have to leave your house to do this or apartment, you can meet them online these days, which a lot of people are doing, especially if they wanna make sure they aren't getting sick or something like that. So you can do that as well. There's lots of different ways to meet people. My suggestion is to get my program and start following the system that I have. It will teach you all of the necessary basics that you absolutely need to know to make sure that you're getting yourself into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by a high quality man. D3 says, I was married two times to the same guy. Well, good on you for that one. And we have kids together and now he wants another chance. That's funny. I know a guy that was married, who's been married three times to the same woman. Got married, got divorced, got married, got divorced. So saying the third time's a charm. I don't know, you know. You gotta come at it from a different, like a different way this time. Keep doing the same thing, right? You keep getting the same result. That's what happens.  Is that in sequence or first one 10 times then the second one 10 times? Which way works better? Which way makes it sticks? I would focus on the main program. You're probably talking about maybe the advanced program or the gold club content. The main program is by far the most important one, right? And you should listen to the main program, the forever woman, at least 10 times. And there are audios in there. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, the forever woman membership page, there's a link there that says the audio. And you can listen to it while you're driving your car, while you're walking your dog, while you're jogging, while you're doing underwater basket weaving, while you're making pigeon sounds, whatever you want to listen to it, it's one of those things where you can do it in no extra time, no extra time spent on it and just get it kind of like really ingrained in you, right? And that's what I'm talking about is the main program. The other stuff is great as well, right? There's a lot of great stuff in the gold club and in the advanced program. And if you use that stuff, it's great and it enhances the forever woman, but the forever woman is the one specifically that you should listen to multiple times, at least 10 times, really get it into your soul. Especially the parts where I talk about how loving yourself and changing your belief systems and valuing yourself. All right, so Facebook user says, I'm in a relationship with a man who lives with his 20-year-old daughter. We cannot spend a lot of time together because I am not allowed up his place and he can't come to me because she is afraid to stay by herself. Says he loves me, but does he? Well, I mean, it sounds like he has sheltered his daughter to be afraid of living on her own, which is a common thing in the United States these days. People sheltering their children and making sure that they don't experience any of the problems that they had when they were growing up, which makes their children completely incapable of living on their own. And so it's one of those things where you're gonna have to probably deal with this for a very long time, right? You're gonna have to deal with this situation with the father-daughter, with the daughter living with the father, unless the daughter ends up getting married and getting pulled out of this situation or the father has some kind of intervention in his head where he suddenly realizes that he's enabling his child to stay a child. You're gonna be dealing with this situation forever. And so you have to decide whether that's something that you actually wanna deal with. Does he love you? I don't know, you didn't mention anything, any of the signs about whether he loves you or not in here or things that he actually does with you outside of not being allowed up at his place and not him not being able to go to yours. I mean, it's like, okay, okay. All right, so, yeah, Linda says, it's easy, I'm 53, just work on yourself and get out there. That's what I'm talking about, Linda. That's what I'm talking about, high five on that one.  Joyce says, first time on a live chat, welcome, welcome to the live chat. Mimi says, easier said than done, but I get it, thanks sis, yep. Victoria says, I'm turning into a serial data. I've never been wowed by the guy. Am I expecting too much? Well, it depends on what you mean by serial data, right? It might not be that you're expecting too much, right? Being wowed by somebody, like if you're constantly going out on tons and tons and tons of dates, right? And you're not feeling like you're wowed by anybody, then my thought, the first thing that comes up for me is that there's something going on with you when you're going out on these dates, right?  Which is not the right attitude to have for a date if you want it to go well from your side or his side, right? Neither side is going to enjoy a date like that. But if you come to a date and you think about, if you come to it like from this mindset of like, how can I have an amazing experience on every single one of these dates? How can I wow myself on these dates? What can I find about this man that I appreciate and respect and admire, right? And you come to it that way and you connect with them and you have fun and you're playful and you're looking for things that you like and appreciate about a guy. I think you'll be surprised about how much you end up seeing and experiencing something completely different and how everybody in your life and every man that you meet could end up wowing you if you're actually looking for the wow to happen there, right? And it's the same thing with what we were talking about with Julie Tree earlier when she was like, I'm not going to ever, I'm destined to be alone, right? Well, her believing that she's destined to be alone is going to put her in a space where she's finding herself alone. If you come to it and there, so there's a word out there, appreciate, right? My favorite definition of the word appreciate actually comes from economics and it means to raise the value of something, right? So when you appreciate something, you raise its value. You look at it and you say, I like this, right? I respect this, I appreciate it, right? It's a blessing coming to me. It's making my life better. It's happening for me. It's bringing value to my life, right? And it might not mean that it's the right kind of value, right? It might not be like, okay, this is something that is important for me to keep in my life, but you can raise its value and get more out of every single moment of your life and every experience that you have with a person.  And so my suggestion is that you start looking for things that wow you in people, find them, appreciate them, respect them, admire them, right?  But you can find things. There's things that have happened in most people's lives that are really interesting, right? Things they've done, adventures that they've had, ways that they look at the world, jobs that they've been a part of, length of time that they've worked or you know, different things that they've done or that they do, right? And you can appreciate and get wowed by very little amazing things, right? And if you're not feeling wowed at all, right? That's a, there's something missing there in your psychology that you could be feeling wowed by every experience that you have. You can be wowed by a homeless person.  And so you don't have any wow, right? It's like, you know, find and appreciate things, build the value of the experiences that you have in your life by appreciating people and finding what you respect and that you admire in other people, right? Because people have all kinds of things that they're better than you at. There's, they have all kinds of things that they're worse than you at. And so just learn about people, right? Get curious and start learning about them and look for things that you appreciate, right? And get into my suggestion is that you get into a habit of doing this, not only with men, but with everybody, not only with everybody, but with everything, right? And find things that you can appreciate in your life that make you feel like you have a wow life. And then you can be wowed by all kinds of crazy stuff.  You can be wowed by all kinds of things if you're willing to look for them, but you won't be wowed by anything if you're not looking for it. So that is absolutely what I suggest. And so, you know, most of the women that come to me, they come to me because they want to get into a relationship where they have a guy who sees them and loves them and absolutely cherishes the ground that they walk on, absolutely worships them, thinks that they're amazing. But we live in this time where a lot of women are having challenges, men are pulling away, disappearing, going hot and cold, you know, doing all those kinds of things. There's a lot of guys that are just looking to hook up and nothing more, right? They're meeting guys and nothing feels like it's a wow, right? A lot of women feel like they're destined to just be alone forever. They're having lots of challenges and relationships. This is a very commonplace. Men are having the same problems, by the way. And for a lot of women, what this ends up doing is it makes them feel like they want to doubt themselves, they want to doubt their value, they want to doubt their self-worth. And, you know, and they feel like they absolutely just want to give up on everything. And if you're having a hard time with men and dating and relationships right now, you're not alone, it's not your fault. This is a very commonplace. The media and society and our culture are pushing and promoting superficial, meaningless relationships. And if you want something better and you want something different, my suggestion is that you create something better and different for yourself. And that's why I created the program, The Forever Woman. You can get it for free if you want it. I do three things in there. I help you believe in your own value. I help you put yourself in a position of value and I help you communicate your value to a man so that you get into the best possible position. You protect yourself from all the players and all the bad situations out there. You set yourself up so that you can get into a passionate relationship where man cherishes you and loves you and can't wait to see you again. He thinks about you day and night.  And my suggestion is that if you want my program, you can get it at theforeverwomanformula.com. Check it out at the link below. Thank you, or let the link with the description. Theforeverwomanformula.com, you can go there. Thank you so much for being here with me. I really appreciate you allowing me to be a part of your journey and allowing me to help you with all these things. I'm really honored by all the women that are in our community. I've helped so many women now. We reach millions of women every month and it's really, really awesome to have such an amazing community. We have some of the most beautiful, amazing, smartest, coolest women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being here.  And always remember, you are worth it. Baka-pa-toe, baka-pa-toe.