All right. This is our third installment with Adam Lane Smith. He is the attachment expert. Got some great feedback for his first two episodes. This one is going to be really popular. He talks about dating, talks about why modern dating sucks, why apps suck, how friends can help you, how to use apps wisely. The three date method. Lots of great information here. If you're single, you're trying to find the right person. You're having trouble. You're going to love this episode. Now he has an attachment bootcamp course that teaches you about your attachment styles, teaches you how to get rid of toxic people, how to meet the right people. It's awesome.  So if you're interested in that, go to mpadamsmith.com and then use the code mind to get 50% off that bootcamp. Today's giveaway is the RGB bundle. Here's how you can win it. Leave a comment below this awesome video within the first 24 hours that we drop it. Subscribe to this channel and then turn on your notifications. If you win, we'll let you know in the comments section. We also have a sale going on right now. Maps resistance. Our beginner strength training program is half off and Maps Prime Pro, our correctional exercise program is also half off. If you're interested in either one, go to mapsfitnessproducts.com and then use the code November 50 for that discount. All right. Here comes Adam Lane Smith. Today we're going to talk about dating and why dating is so complicated in the modern world. We're also going to talk about your attachment in dating. So we've been doing a lot about attachment. I am the attachment specialist and how your attachment style is impacting your dating life and how to make it great through this course, through this episode here today, what we're going to do is show you exactly how to make dating incredible. So you have a great dating experience and you're not going to be stuck or alone anymore. We're going to make this work for you in a couple of easy steps. So to get there, we're going to cover some very specific topics here today.  We're going to talk about why dating apps suck. What we used to do and how we can bring that into the modern era for how humans are supposed to function in dating, how friends can help you. We're going to talk about that. Remember I said friends are really big for your dating life and how to use apps wisely because I know they're going to get used. I'm pretty, I'm not going to say I'm against them, but I know that they are not the best method that is out there. So if you need to use them, I'll show you how to use them very wisely and effectively, but I'm also going to show you some other methods going to work better than apps. I'm also going to show you the three date method that's going to filter people who are a terrible match for you, but it's going to pull in and very strongly attract people who are a great match for you. And then we're going to walk through all of that into the first year of the relationship toward marriage. What does the first year look like? And how do you make sure you don't get blindsided by a terrible divorce down the road? Show you that too. Everything's going to fit together step by step. We will get there together. So don't be afraid.  So let's get right into it together.  It's because we live in the rubble of a society that used to function.  It's all terrible. It's all hopeless. No, no, no. But as far as a culture, a culture, we live in the rubble of a culture that used to function not to idealize the past and say everything was perfect. It wasn't, but it at least used to function. People could grow up, they could get married, they could build a life, they could start a business, they could do all kinds of things and work with some kind of confidence toward goals in their life. They could find things and achieve them. They could build relationships. Their families were more connected. We don't have that anymore. We live in rubble. This is not to idealize the past, like I said, but families at least were somewhat more functional than ours are today. Ours are not functional. Most families are not functional today. We don't really have shared values in our society even. We're not even honesty. If you say honesty is the best thing, well, everyone else will disagree. A lot of people won't agree that honesty is good much anymore. The media that we have nowadays is designed to scare us 24 seven. Not because I think the media is evil. It's because they monetize it that way. That's how they make money. That's how they build their companies. That's how they feed their own families. They get endless outrage clicks and fear. So the more fear they keep us in, the more money they make. It's just basic math. Everyone feels like a stranger to everybody else. Remember back in episode one, everybody feels disconnected from birth, from their own families, from their own connections. They don't even know how to connect other people. They feel like they have to be interesting, but they're exhausted by being interesting. So everybody feels alone. We're going to get through that. I'm going to show you how to fix that really quick. Attachment issues are killing our confidence. They're killing our ability to connect other people.  Have you seen your friends go out on dates, crushingly insecure about what's going to happen, petrified beforehand, throwing out all kinds of hypotheticals. What if this happens? What if this happens? What if this happens? They're terrified to death of going on a date. Guys, you've probably seen this with your guy friends. Ladies, you've probably seen this with your female friends. Now imagine everybody out there is dating and everybody is connecting terrified with each other, living in the rubble of a greater culture. And everybody miserable alone trying to hopefully find a random stranger that is the love of their life.    Now, most of all, though, is this constant obsession with being interesting and stimulating, right?  You constantly are trying to pump that button in other people to make them feel great. So they want to be around you all the time and you'll be super interesting. Guys DM me all the time and say, Adam, how am I supposed to build a relationship with a woman if I have to constantly be entertaining forever for the rest of my life every day or she's going to cheat on me? And I say, what are you smoking? You really think that's what women want from you? Like, nobody could build a relationship that way. Women do the same thing. They'd email me or they text me and say, Adam, I have to constantly keep him entertained and interested or he will cheat on me and find somebody hotter. That's not how loyalty and love work. But we don't have loyalty and love anymore. Now, remember how this feels when you have to constantly be interested all the time?  You run around trying to make people think you're interesting. You talk about cool facts, cool things about you. Hey, look at this. I did this. Hey, how about this? I built this. Hey, look at me. I'm doing this now. Here's what I am. No, no, no, you don't do that. That's not what healthy, secure people want from you. That's how you attract insecure people, by the way, or people who are going to take advantage of you. Women do this primarily with sex. A lot of it's with sex, having sex on the first date. Most women don't want to have sex on the first date, but they think they have to. If I ever say, hey, you don't have to have sex on the first date. Other women will. And like, if I don't, he's just going to leave me. That's not good. You don't want to date that guy, probably. But keep in mind that the media rewards them. Money rewards them. Being interesting rewards them online, being interesting with sex. How many of you know social media influencers? Female social media influencers, right? They get on TikTok. They have a big following on TikTok and then, yeah, you know what, I'll get on OnlyFans. I'll show my butt, I'll make some money. I'll take care of grandma and I'll be interesting and get a ton of views and I'll feel so good about myself because I'm interesting and that is the only thing I can ever really be. I'll never be loved or accepted but I can at least be interesting and get people's eyes on me. That happens. Men do this, the entertainer model, right? Radical red pill takes control of them and they say, you will learn game and dread game and you will keep her afraid all the time and you will saturate her with good feelings and then withdraw those feelings so she goes into withdrawal mode and craves your approval and she will chase you and be addicted to your dick and she will never, never stop chasing you and you have to keep her in fear so that she's just always, always chasing you and do this with five women because you should never really just connect with one woman.  Insecure women reward them for this and they think it's working. That's not the answer here, guys.  We'll build your good model. Now there are also very, very specific problems for each side. So women feel, a lot of women who communicate with me say that there are no eligible men left or no serious commitment-minded men left. They claim no man wants to get married and have a family. They claim that men don't care enough to have families. They claim that men are scared of commitment and run away from it. They are also scared and afraid.   Men are painted as these horrible beasts who are nothing but a bundle of awful desires that hurt other people. And the moment you give them power, it's terrible. I post on social media quite often about how women need to say, I respect you to their husband, right? For men, respect is often more important than love. Most men, yeah, I'd like to be loved but I need to be respected. When I post this, most women will come back and say, do I have to say the word respect? Well, I don't know, does he have to say the word love? Does he have to say I love you? No, he doesn't have to say it. He can just show it, right? No, no, he has to say it. Oh, don't you think you should say the word respect? Well, I don't know because that makes me feel what? Scared of admitting that you respect a man because you kind of like give him a little power, a little control. Most women are utterly petrified of giving men even an ounce of control or elevated status because they were so let down by their own dad or their mom poisoned them against men. Most women will not say, I respect you to men. And most men go without hearing it. Now, on the other side, most men, a lot of men today feel that women are all gold diggers and prostitutes. You look at only fans in the rise of it and how a lot of young women are getting into it. And it feels like every woman on the earth must be doing only fans.  I've heard before every woman is a prostitute, even married women are prostitutes. They're just more honest about the prostitution or they're just being sneaky about the prostitution as if loving you and caring for you and building a family together is prostitution.  Oh, okay, I've heard that before, right? Red pill circles, we'll talk about this. Men also fear, and rightly so, legal or financial destruction. We have all heard stories about what one night stands, right? Hook up a regret and how women then turn around. She cheated on her boyfriend.  You didn't give her enough orgasms the night before, whatever it is. And now you have some rate charges on you. Very quickly, very quickly this turns around. Financial, absolute financial destruction, right? You don't get married, but then you come to find out that you are married through the community, right? All the laws that just, well, you live together technically for this amount of time. Did you know up in Canada, the laws are brutal in Canada. If they live with you, man, I wanna say it's like one year, something like that. If a woman lives together with you for a year, then she's entitled to some of your financials. Like that's brutal, even if you're not married. Common law marriage is horrifying. And the ways that men get destroyed in family court, the ways that men get destroyed in alimony and divorce settlements, it is horrifying. So I can very, very well sympathize with men who are afraid for that portion. There are problems on both sides, and we need to address those. I'm gonna show you later on how to filter for that to stay safe. So if you wanna be safe, we're gonna make you safe. So it can be all right, bro. Don't worry about it, we got you. Now how do people really do their dating now? The research shows right now that about 65% of couples tend to meet on dating apps. Now this is not loving long-term committed couples. This is just they did, the research that they did was to call people up and figure out and investigate and do all the survey and say, okay, where did you meet your partner? Are you together? If so, how did you meet? 65% dating apps, right? About 12% nowadays through family and friends. This is a reverse of the 90s, 30 years ago. It was 65% family and friends, 12% what they called computer dating back then, computer dating. And we have completely reversed that. Now really quick part of that is because we don't have family and friends together anymore that we can get those connections with. It's not that we've said, oh, family and friends are not a good connection. No, it's that we have all those relationships have died so we can't go to them. We don't trust them. They don't know good, healthy people. It's the networks are falling apart. So we have to go to dating apps. Now dating apps are not good. I mean, they're not great. I'm not sitting here saying they're evil and terrible and if you use them, you're bad. I'm not saying that, but they're not great. So let's talk about why. Number one, they filter purely for looks. You have to have this amazing picture, high quality, tells you everything in one picture whether you, yes or no, right? Would or would not? Yes, swipe one way or another based on how they look really fast, that fast. We've all seen the videos of people sitting there to swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, trying to find somebody just nope, nope, nope, nope. Or the guys who just swipe yes, yes, yes, yes, yes on everybody just try to get a match. They swipe yes on a thousand hoping for one response, but you filter based on looks immediately and it's training people to filter based on looks even more. It's rewarding you for filtering based on looks. It's also based on being interesting and stimulating. So what are you, are you hot in your picture and what are you doing in your picture, right? Guys with pictures of fish, I don't know why they do this, guys with pictures of fish, if you better be hot and flex in your abs and have a big fish and you know, whatever it is what are you doing that's interesting? Now your profile has to be interesting and stimulating and you have to be super stimulating instantly as fast as possible, especially in the messages you better instantly stimulate the other person within those messages within three seconds. That's what we're training people to do. Now what this is, is it's men popping out at women by the dozens, imagine this, these are strangers, complete strangers, we live in a rubble of a greater culture. So now there's women who don't have anybody to connect them to people they know, to prevent, to say, hey, I know this man for you, he's amazing, he's this high quality person, come talk to him. She gets on a dating app and there's all these strangers, some of them are hot, some of them are ugly, many of them are holding fish, and they pop out at her from behind a tree. Hey, you're pretty, hey, you're pretty, hey, you're pretty, all these dudes popping out at her randomly yelling at her for her attention. If you were a woman in the woods alone, all these dudes popping out from behind trees holding fish, screaming about how pretty you are, some women are gonna thrive on this, and most women are gonna feel utterly terrified, they're gonna feel overwhelmed, they're gonna get dozens of DMs every single day and they're not gonna want to know what to do about it or how to filter, it's shallow, guys are gonna get on there and get buried in the mix, the research tends to show it's something like 10 to one ratio on like match.com, things like that, 10 to one ratio, men to women, most women are not on these dating apps, it's a sausage fest, and here's the other problem is even if you do make a connection, you're used to using the dating app, you're used to knowing that a fun dopamine filled experience is one swipe away, you're used to knowing that there's always something better out there and that you can instantly get it, you're used to knowing, well, this isn't, we've been in this relationship for four, five, six months, the fun is wearing off, it's hard being honest, it's hard being in a relationship, I could just swipe really quick and find somebody more fun and get that dopamine flow again, in fact, I could just chain six month relationships together over and over and over and never ever lose the feeling of falling in love, I'll just trade partners like I'm trading socks. Now who loves dating apps? Now I've told you these problems, who loves them? Well, number one, people who have something called avoidant attachment style, people who are petrified of getting close to people, people who are terrified of being vulnerable, people who are afraid of building deep, lasting connections with other people, dating apps are incredible because they can just go on and replace you instantly. Avoidant men go on and they shop, they shit's like going to the grocery store. Avoidant women, same thing.  Women aren't biologically designed to really do that. Avoidantly attached women will. They're also the ones that freak out after sex and don't want to be touched.  That's more avoidant women. Avoidant men, often the same. Avoidant men, they'll rotate 10 different women at the same time. When one starts developing feelings he will completely ghost her for three, four, five months until she's just grateful to hear from him again and he'll cycle her back in. Spinning plates is what the red pill community calls this. But who gets hurt in these dating apps? Well, anxiously attached men who are craving approval all the time and never got the love they needed as children and they desperately want somebody to love them and accept them.  That's what often drives anxiously attached dudes into red pill by the way. They want to become avoidantly attached instead of anxiously attached. They want to control instead of being controlled. Anxiously attached women get chewed up, used and spit out by dating apps. Guys complain all the time about how women have high body count. It's usually dating apps. You have to have sex on the first date to be interesting and you have to do this with 30 or 40 men over the course of five years to find one boyfriend. That's dating at math now. If you bang enough dudes on the first date and one of them might stick with you and then you have a boyfriend. So you just do the basic math. This is what's leading to this gigantic problem in our society. This is not good. This is dating apps. This radicalizes both sides by the way into really radical feminism of men just treat you like garbage.   And then it's men. Women just treat you like garbage. They just throw you away. They have no loyalty, no love, no care. You get the radical men and the radical women screaming about each other. It's not just because of the dating apps but the dating apps are one more step in that war. It's terrible. And the wounded people in this process become the aggressors. Now does this mean that dating apps are hopeless? No. I don't think they are. They're a tool and the way that you use it really determines a lot of what's gonna happen. So no, if you're listening to this and you think Adam hates dating apps I don't actually, I don't hate them. I think that it can be phenomenal tools. Some of the people in my life have met their partners on dating apps. They can be great for doing that. I've met people who, plenty of people who get married off of dating apps. It can be great. Use tools and be smart. A hammer is a tool. A gun is a tool. A blow torch is a tool.  You use a blow torch carefully and respectfully and you take care of business. Same thing in the dating world. So start using your dating apps smarter and I also wanna show you how to start using your friends and family network smarter so you can start doing your dating more like humans have for 200,000 years here on this planet. And here are some tips in the future for both approaches. I'm gonna give them to you here in a minute. Right now, we're gonna talk about how to meet somebody. And then I wanna talk about how to build the careful steps of actually dating them. How to meet, how to date. We're gonna talk about those one and two. Now, dating through your network is about getting people to connect you with somebody else. That's what it is. It's your friends and family networks coming in and here's how it's supposed to work. It could be matchmaking. It's especially it is matchmaking by people who know you. Hey, you know me. Do you have somebody around you who would be a good match for me? Here's what I'm looking for. Here's what I want. Committed relationship, 10 kids, marriage, blah, blah, blah. Can you find me somebody? Can you keep an eye out for me?  You connect with people who know people. You may have to go out and make new friends for this. It might be that your current friends are not enough. You might have to go out and build a connection, build a network, right? We talked about how friends are high quality in your life anyway. They boost the quality of your life. Go out and make friends anyway, you guys. And while you're there, say, hey, I could use some help. I wanna find a wife. I wanna find a husband. Don't say I wanna find friends with benefits. I wanna find a wife. I wanna find a husband. Whoever you want committed, a committed relationship, really important. We'll talk about why, but it's matchmaking by people who know you. This is not arranged marriage. This is like assisted marriage. Think of it that way. They are assisting you in finding the right match which you then yay or nay. You say yes or no. You start investigating it yourself. Now really important piece here. The reason this is so great, you get data on the people that you're about to date.  Who are they? How do they act? How do they treat people? How are they living their life?  Oh, I rescue orphans from a chemical fire. Well, no, actually he just scrapes dumpsters for a living. Different stories, right? You get tons of data, but how do they act? How do they solve problems? Are they honest? Do they follow their values? Have they been improving? What's their story? You get all that data in advance and they get yours in advance, which is good and bad pressure, right? It feels good, feels worried. That's all right. It's a good thing. You don't have to prove yourself to them because you come pre-vetted. That's why it's important to be who you are and take care of business. On your end, you come pre-vetted so a lot of the get in, prove yourself to them steps, they get so much easier. Also on this, there's social pressure because you know each other mutually and you know friends to be respectful, to be honest and honorable, right?  Like so much more reason to be respectful and honest when there's all this massive social pressure around you for men and women. Very important for safety here. Again, for men and women, safety is important on both sides. So your network starts to look out for you as long as you have a good network. If you have a garbage network, if you're watching this thing, Adam, I would never trust the people I know to connect me to somebody. Then you have a serious problem in your dating network. That's probably your problem. Most women, especially guys, are gonna look at your social network around you as a predictor for how you will be in your relationship with them. They wanna know if you have any relationship at all with your family and what it looks like if it's a horrible bad sign. They wanna know what your friends are like. Are they good quality people? Do you even have friends? Do you spend time with them? Do you do honorable good things together? Are you always getting drunk and passing out in a ditch? Like what do you do with your friends? Are they good accountable people? Are they all married men? Good, great. You sound like a good guy who attracts married men in your life. Good, solid.  Ladies, same thing.  All he's taking on is somebody who hides away from the world and runs away from your life. Build your social life because it does 15 things for your dating life. If no other reason, do it for that. Here's also what I recommend though. Once you connect with people and say, hey, look, find me somebody. They used to call these blind dates or what they used to call them. You can go on group dates. Your first thing to be, hey, you know what? Why don't we all to come together and we'll all have like a board game night or a card game night. We'll all get together and meet each other and we will connect you to their low pressure. We'll connect you guys each other and you guys will talk there and we'll all be involved in that group date. They can't lie on the first date because they'll be like, what are you doing? That's not true. You'll see how they act around you, a stranger. You'll see how they act around people they already know. You get tons of data from this. And again, safety, no false charges, no real charges. Everything is safe this way. Easy proof of what they say. And yes, women vastly approve of this method. Women prefer this method, healthy women. Avoidant women, maybe not so much, a lot of pressure. But healthy women prefer this method. It's what women have done for 200,000 years on the face of this planet. Women have gatekeepers that you get through to get to them. Healthy women still do this. Unhealthy women, insecurely attached women, they don't have women, people to do this. That's why they're dating strangers on apps. That's why they're wandering through the forest with a sign that says, we'll be your girlfriend for food. That's why that's happening. Dating apps are women who have no gatekeepers or who have bad social connection networks. Women who have good ones, very rarely ever on dating apps. Just gonna tell you that. So dating, how do you do this? You go to people and say, I am looking for a husband or a wife, a good loving one. You say what you want, just your quick details, right?  Hey, I've heard some wild ones from the guys in my life. It is what it is, but what are you kind of looking for? What are your hopes and requirements? Keep an eye out for me, please. I would love this, please help me out. You ask them to set up a group date or a meeting with candidates. And you say, yeah, that would be great. Let's do that. I want to connect with so-and-so. That would be wonderful. Can we please connect, connect us to have a group date together? Meet up at a restaurant or at their mutual house? Great. Let me ask you this, because I can already hear the objections. Would this be a burden to you? If somebody came to you and said, could you please keep an eye out for me for people who will match me? And you had a great match in mind. Would you be like, ugh, I don't want to match them? Or would you be excited? Like, oh, hey, we need to match them up. That excitement, that's what most people feel when they get this shot. People love matchmaking, and frankly, especially women. Women love matchmaking. Once they are settled themselves, then they go into super matchmaking mode because they want everyone else to be happily matched too, then start building networks and families and nesting, and it's wonderful how women do this. But this, this is a great thing that you can bring other people into your life to do. So please make sure you have good women in your life who love to matchmake, most of them will, but make sure they are secure and healthy themselves so they don't connect you with disasters. That's also a good thing. Now this is the oldest method in human history. This is how humans have always stated. I am not saying we have to go back to hunter-gatherers with arranged marriages. You meet the girl from the next tribe and you marry her that day.  Maybe that's the dating things with the fish. I don't know. No, I'm not saying we have to go back to that method, but this is assisted marriage. It's also called, it can be called courting. It can be called courting, and we'll talk about that a little bit later, but this is not just dating for fun. If you're wanting dating for fun, power to you. You know what? Use some of these other methods. I'm gonna teach you here later. You can do that. If you wanna date totally casually and have no real connections and no strings attached, totally cool. But if you're watching this, you want better attachment, you probably want a more committed relationship. That at least is with somebody you respect. And somebody who respects you, right? I'm gonna show you how to build that. This effect is bigger and healthier, the more powerful your network is. So continue to build that network. Absolutely crucial that you do that. Now to the people who are gonna use apps, next is all about you. Here's how to find people on apps. They're gonna be good match for you and how to filter more carefully. So first, let's talk about what people get horribly wrong on dating apps. Number one is terrible, terrible dating photos, right? Girls, you're all over those dating apps with skin. Everything is skin or the weird angles or just your boobs or whatever it is, heavy makeup or you're in a group of girls and they can't pick which one you are. If you're trying to find a committed, serious relationship, it's not gonna work.  If you just want every dude on the app to start swiping on you, yes, a picture of your boobs is probably great. If you have you in a group photo, the dudes are gonna think that you're the hottest one there and they're gonna be disappointed when they actually meet you. I'm just gonna tell you right now.   Don't do that, okay? Horrible photos for women bad guys. I've talked about the fish, but also abs, like picture of my abs. Unless you have abs for a face, probably not a great approach. Also guys, the selfie in the bathroom, not great either. I'm gonna talk to you guys here in a little bit about how to fix this, but for now, please take that picture down at least. It's gonna be terrible. Number two, a super vague bio. I love to have fun. Okay, great. I drink water, cool. I like dogs. Man, who doesn't? Like super vague, I'm here for fun. We're just gonna see whatever, you know. That's a horrible dating bio. Consider your dating bio to be one of the most important pieces. The picture, yes, your bio is really important. I'm gonna talk to you about how to soup that up, how to improve it, but for now, understand that you are probably being way too vague in your dating bio. Number three though is in your dating bio, a specific bullet point list, like a grocery list, or brief descriptions, or hobbies, or just like boom, boom, boom, boom. It's overly specific, but there's no flow to it. There's no character to it. It's almost like they're picking an item off a shelf and you've just listed the qualities of the item inside. You are more than a can of beans, I will just tell you that. Bullet points, please no, please, please God no. Not bullet points. And number four, the any warm body will do approach. Hey, I'm just here, I don't really care. I'm having fun, love to make friends or commitment or you know, whatever. Just everything, I have no desires. I am just up for everything. No, you're not. I know you're not. If you were, you wouldn't be on a dating app. You'd be walking down the street shaking hands with random people, right? Learning to be more honest, we're gonna talk about that. These are awful and these cover probably 90 to 95% of people on dating apps and guys especially, this is why you don't get responses on dating apps.  This is partly what's happening right here. Do these things if you wanna be ignored, but if you don't, instead, do these things. Four steps, four steps to a better dating app experience.  Okay, here, do this. Boom, maximum improvement. All of a sudden, in a week or two, they are flooded with great quality responses and they start having much better dating experiences through it. So, today, I'm gonna show you the one, two, three, four step method to do this. Number one, better photos. Guys and ladies, please go get a professional photo taken. Ladies, not skin, please don't be in a bikini unless you want guys who like women in bikinis, then he will just be with you while chasing other girls in bikinis. So, it won't work, sorry. Dress nicely. Dress the way you would on your anniversary date with your husband. We're at our one year and we're gonna go out to dinner. Here's how I'm gonna dress. Great, dress the way you would going out to social events with your husband.  You don't have to have like caked on makeup. Dress nicely without going overboard, right? It's not your wedding night. It's a good family dinner. Maybe it's going out to lunch with your husband and his parents. Think about that. If I was going to lunch with my husband and his parents, how would I present myself? Do that and that will give the guys on the dating app a better view of what you are going to be and what they should expect from a girlfriend and then a wife. You won't attract the wrong dudes, but you'll actually, you'll flag interesting for the other guys who will say, wow, she's actually dressed decently. She actually looks like a nice woman, right? Guys, please put in some money, get a professional photo taken. Do not, do not go out like in a heavy stiff suit in a tuxedo where you're all like this to a tense. Don't go for a business shoot. Tell the photographer this is for a dating app. I want to look kind of like nice, but casual a little bit, right? Nice background, maybe a polo. Polo with a jacket can work pretty well. You don't have to get super dressed up, but look nice, okay? No more fish, no more abs, no more bikinis. Look nice. Number one, look nice and look like you have paid money for a good photograph. So you have income that supports paying for a good photograph and you are serious about dating. Do that, right? Think about that. Number two, be clear about your desires. So your dating app is a job listing for your future spouse.  No, I want a committed partner, right? So dating app or a job listing. Seeking person who wants long-term position. Same for a resume. Looking for long-term position in blank industry. Your profile should say at the head, at the very top, looking for a long-term committed relationship.  It's not even gonna be funny.  Oh, she has had sex with everybody on this dating app. Looking for a long-term committed relationship. You'll be shocked. Most men and most women who are on there are actually looking for that. Put that on there and then list what you want. Like long-term committed relationship. Boom, right there at the top, under that. Step three, show stability, security and consistency and reliability. So in your bio, maybe guys talk about your job. Mention your job. You don't have to say, I make this amount. Mention your job.  It shows that you've been there for a while. Women like stability and consistency. Oh, he doesn't job hop every three hours. He stayed with this company. He's got a good trajectory. He looks stable. He looks secure. He makes good decisions. He's got a life path, right? Talk about your ambitions. Talk about your goals. This shows them what to expect in a relationship with you. Ladies, kind of the same. What have you, what are you working on right now? Talk about that. Talk about what you've been working on. Your stability, how you're improving yourself. I've been on a path of improving myself toward having a greater relationship. I have always wanted children. I really want to build a loving, healthy family. Whatever it may be, start talking about those things. Show what to expect in a relationship with you. And number four, list your desires in a partner. Now guys, I can already see it.  No, no, no, we're not going that route. List what you want in a partner. Here's how you do this. Tastefully is the characteristics and values you would want to partner by saying, I'm looking for somebody who values honesty, integrity, right, compassion, loyalty. Here's why. It is number one, people are gonna read that and everyone will probably say, oh, that's me, I have those things. Unless they're super insecure, then they might not, which is good, you'll filter them out. But what they're also going to do is if you value honesty, loyalty, integrity, right, compassion, you value all of these things and enough to put them on your dating profile fairly quickly in there, right? Should only be pretty decent. That tells them what you might embody yourself. It gives them a snapshot of what to expect in you. Wow, this is a guy who talks openly about valuing honesty and loyalty. Interesting. Most guys don't say, this is what they want from women. I wonder if he's a guy who is honest and loyal. Let's find out. Way more likely to slip into the DMs with you, especially if you have a professional photo and you've put a little bit of money into that, guys. If you're clear about your desires with a committed relationship, long-term committed relationship, if you show security and stability and that you've been at a good job for a long time, your good ambitions, your goals in life, what you want. And then if you back that up by showing very clearly what your values are, you are way more interesting than 95% of other men on that dating app instantly. Girls actually read your bios. Ladies, this makes you way more interesting because you look like a low drama, high value immediately kind of person.  So jump in there and do this. This gives you a huge idea of what you're about. People instantly know what you're about and you're instantly in the top 10% on the dating profiles, on the dating website. Do this, you're gonna get skyrocketed. Works for every guy that I talk to and every guy I coach through this, everybody. So either way that you choose, whether you choose through the family and friends network or you choose through carefully filtering on your dating apps and really using those dating apps in a smarter way, you're going to start pulling in different partners. Now how do you filter those partners?  That sounds great.  Swiping on you. Yes, that can happen. Okay, we're gonna get you there. Now I'm gonna make sure that you don't get hurt with the three date method, okay? You ready? I'm gonna teach you the three date method. I've taught it to everybody I coach. I used it on my own wife when I married her, right? And we've been together for 15 years. We got five kids, number five is on the way. This method works. I've taught this to dating coaches and then they say, well, Adam, I'm just gonna tell you right now, I'm taking this, I'm stealing this, go teach my own clients. Okay. I've taught this to renowned national dating experts and they take this method because it works so well. So three dates, let's do it. Now the first date, the whole purpose of a first date is to see if you guys are compatible personalities. Can you have a conversation? Can you laugh? Do you laugh at the same things? Can you talk?  Write whatever it is. Can you be together in a room for an hour or two? That is the purpose of a first date. The second purpose of a first date is to establish if you both want the same thing. So by the end of the first date, here's what you need to do. Hey, you know what? I'm having a great time with you. I just wanna make sure that we are on the same page. It's okay if we're not, but let's talk. I'm looking for long-term committed relationship. It said it's one of my dating profile or my friend probably told you. I'm looking for that long-term committed relationship. We don't have to get married tomorrow. I'm not saying that, but I do wanna, you know, I wanna get married. I wanna have kids, that's what I'm looking for. I'm not playing games anymore. I'm looking for that. Are you looking for that too? If you are, amazing. Let's have a second date and we'll talk about that. This is how you go in for that second date. Ask right there, by the way. Let's have a second date. You don't even have to ask. You just say, great, let's have a second date. You've already sold them on it. Now they can't even backtrack. So you're moving towards a second date pretty fast. Or, hey, you know what? If you don't want that, that's totally cool. We will finish our dinner, we'll high five, go our separate ways, no harm, no foul. Nice to meet you. So you tell me, what are you looking for? End of the first date, have this conversation. Be that casual about it, be comfortable. You don't have to grill them. Like, well, what does that mean to you? Do it at the end of the first date. It's how you go for the second date, ask. And it makes sure that you guys are on the same page. And it reconfirms for them that you're doing this.  Probably a good move. And I will tell you why.  I recommend you don't have sex through the three date method.   Everything's great on paper and she was fun on the first date. Yes, let's do it.  And then she starts showing red flags by second and third date, but now he is hooked and he can't stop. So he starts excusing and rationalizing the red flags. He gets mad at his friends if they try to warn him.  Women, same story, right? You've experienced the same thing. Sex in the first three dates, really a terrible idea until you've done the proper filtering. So have a method and also hold off. That's my recommendation. You don't have to, but that's keep you safe kind of method. Number two, second date, share stories. Tell each other stories back and forth about your values and your goals.  No, let me tell you about my relationship with my best friend. Let me tell you how we met. Hey, let me tell you about this funny thing that happened the other day with my sister. Let me tell you about this cool thing in my job. Oh, so that you know about my job. Here's what I do really quick, blah, blah, blah. Tell stories that tell so much more than the story told. Tell stories that give background. Tell stories that illuminate your relationships. Tell stories that show your personal values and your goals and your mission. Tell stories that way. And listen for their stories the same way. What do their stories tell you? Oh, I have nine ex-boyfriends and they're all completely crazy and they're all in jail for hitting me, but it will never happen again. I swear, I'm really sure. And yeah, I've been pregnant 19 times, but like these are exaggerations, but listen for their stories.  What are their stories tell you about their values? What are their stories tell you about their goals? Are their stories, accomplishments, building, ambition, hopes, dreams for the future? Great. Listen for stories and compare your values with each other as you go. That's fantastic. See what there is R2. This is who you both are, by the way, and this is real compatibility. This is real compatibility on the second date. Now, the third date should be about problems. The third date is about concerns. You're sharing mutual concerns, remember? So last time we talked in the second episode, we talked about the four layers of trust. What you've done here is you've built the first layer of trust by understanding that you guys are more consistent with your values. If you have pre-data about from this person, about from your network, you really know that you understand them, they're consistent with values. You also understand what their mission goal is and you see if they're consistent with those.   So the third date, hey, you know what? We've talked about committed relationship. It looks like we're both headed for that. Second date was great, by the way, I loved all your stories and they told me that you are a good person who values blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you wanna build this. I do too. It sounds like we're really compatible, but I wanna make sure. I wanna see if we can screw this up because it'll be, let's see if we can screw it up now. I wanna tell you what to expect honestly about getting into a relationship with me. Here's a couple things you should expect. Here's a little bit of my baggage. I'm not gonna scare you off too bad hopefully, but here's who I am and you tell them. Now here's how you tell them. Let's take attachment, for example. I have fixed my attachment, but let's see how do I tell a girl that, Adam? How do I tell a girl that I used to have bad relationships? Cool, let me tell you about me. Previously in my life, I used to really struggle to connect with people, to be open and honest with people. It's why I'm not married yet. It's why I don't have a deep committed relationship right now. I have done so much work over the last year or two trying to fix this and building better relationships and being more honest and I have not been ready to commit until now. I'm looking for a loving partner to move that forward with, but in relationships with me, if you ever see me overthinking, if you ever see me going quiet, pulling away, just not knowing what to say, being really indecisive, call me on it, because that's me being nervous. I got stressed or something going back in my old ways. I never wanna do that again. So what I want is just call me on it and it's my problem to fix it. And if you can do that, I'll take care of it. What you've done now is you've turned a red flag into a green flag, right? I used to have these problems, oh, red flag, but look at all the work I've done and I'm taking ownership of it and I'm being honest with you about it and I'm telling you the red flags and the landmines under your feet in advance. I'm flagging them for you, just don't step there. Green flag, this makes you look so mature, so honest, so respectful and ready for commitment. Now, how do they respond? How do they respond to that? Oh, I have that problem, I've never fixed it. You fixed it? Oh, I don't think I could fix it. Red flag, they start trauma dumping, all these horrible things and the whole date is about their horrible life. Oh, red flag, no, everything's fine. I'm fine, I'm great in relationships, don't worry about it. Probably a red flag. They probably have some baggage, right? How do they respond? Can they be honest? Can you build mutual acceptance and mutual ownership of problems? Third date. Now, all of this assumes you actually want a committed relationship, but if you do, this is the method for you to start filtering it. Yes, people can still lie.  Now, if you want different things from what I'm listing here, still use this method. Just change the language for whatever you want. If you only want a casual, relaxed, fun relationship, switch that out in the first discussion. Hey, you know what? I do just want a casual, relaxed relationship right now. I'm not looking for a deeper commitment yet, but I do want somebody that I can have a good time with and take on dates and have fun with. Are you open to that? Insert that at the very beginning of the first date. Second date, kind of the same because you're getting to know each other's values and goals and making sure that you both really want the same thing. Third date, you're actually seeing if they're able to kind of talk about their baggage a little bit, or maybe you skip the third date because you don't need to do that if you're just having a casual relationship. If you are going for commitment by the end of the third date, you're now ready for commitment because you understand each other. This is a great time to lead right into an exclusive relationship. Hey, you know what? We've been talking about commitment and we match up on our values. We match up on our goals and we're both able to be pretty honest, but we want, you're awesome. I would love to be in a relationship with you. Can we do that? Can you and me, can we put a label on this thing? Can we be exclusive? How comfortable are you being exclusive going right now? Take the step, be confident, ask. Most people are gonna say, yeah, they'll say I'm not ready to get married yet. Cool, yeah, neither am I. It's only three dates, let's not be crazy, but let's do it, let's do this thing. Now what you've entered into is the testing phase, right? This isn't dating by the way, this is courting. This is courting toward marriage. Dating is playing the field with strangers and hoping courting is this is what I want and I'm going to find somebody. The only relationship that's similar to this by the way is co-founding a business. You're trying to co-found a business together, the business happens to be a lifetime, a legacy, a family, whatever you're building, you're testing for co-founders is what you're really doing. Dating is just having fun and no strings attached or just blindly hoping. This is courting. Now, do men hate this blunt approach? I get women all the time. Adam, if I talk about wanting a committed relationship on the first date, men will run screaming. I have to lead with my vagina, I get that all the time. No, because men all the time ask me, Adam, if I talk about a committed loving relationship on the first date, won't women run screaming from the room? No, actually the research shows that most people are thinking about commitment on the first date and most people are petrified to mention commitment on the first date. So you saying it is usually a relief. People who will get up and say, no, I don't want to commit a relationship that's moving way too fast for me. Good, you filtered those people out. Cool, amazing. Again, you're not getting married on the first date. You're not asking to be exclusive on the first date. You're not saying we should be together and be committed. You're saying, this is just what I want down the road. Is that your ultimate goal too? Filter carefully and men and women who want what you want will flock to what you want. Like, yes, insecurely attached people will probably get up and run screaming from the table. Securely attached people will probably handcuff themself to you at the end of date three and you'll be ready for marriage. This is why securely attached people tend to get engaged and married very quickly because they've done this process. This is the healthy process all of us should have learned. We just didn't. So this leads into you're committed, right? You're exclusive, maybe exclusive on the end of the third date, the fourth date, the fifth date, wherever it is. Once you go and you're locked in, we move into the first year. Now the first year, the purpose of the first year guys is to break up. The purpose of the first year is to ruin your relationship. It is to screw it up so bad that it's destroyed and you fall apart. The purpose of the first year is to be as real and blunt as possible to see if you guys can screw it up. Because if you can break your relationship, you would better do it now. So the purpose of it is to have the conversations that everybody else is too afraid to have.  Poke red flags. If you see a red flag in your partner, talk to them, hey, hey, tell me about this thing. Hey, you just did this, talk to me about that. Hey, I noticed you said that, tell me about that. Poke every red flag you see.  Poke those red flags and ask for more data. If they explode, whoa, how dare you? Are they freak out? Are they crumble? That's an even bigger red flag. Poke at that one too. Keep poking, be ruthless about those red flags. See if they take ownership of them. Talk about kids. There's people that get married and they're together for like five years. They get married and then they break up because they never talked about kids and then suddenly at year five, they realize that no one of them doesn't want kids. Talk about kids within that first year, right? Four months, six months. Hey, do you want kids someday? What's your timeline? How do you feel about it? If you can't have this conversation, please don't date. Just don't.  That's how we got to where we are right now. Poke the red flags. Kids, talk about marriage. You've talked about commitment, but talk about what does marriage look for you? What's your timeline? What are your thoughts? What do you want marriage to be for you? What does ideal marriage look like to you? Does it look like the same things for both of us? Maybe he wants a wife who's barefoot and pregnant and she wants a couple who runs a business together. Very, very different. Well, I mean, they could be the same, but very different most like, what's your ideal marriage look like? There's not a right or wrong answer here. You just have to match. Be compatible. Sex, talk about sex. When do you have the sex? Talk about that. Okay, we haven't had sex in the first three days to make sure we're compatible. How long do you want to wait? What's comfortable for you? Let's talk this out, right? Talk about it together as a couple. Maybe you have sex on the third date. Maybe you don't have sex to get engaged. Maybe you don't have sex to get married. Every couple is different and your values should align on how important sex is. Talk about it together. Very important. Now, things to look out for. Number one, their ability to cooperate during a conflict. Conflict can be anything where people are uncomfortable. A need, preference, inconvenience, a problem, a red flag, right? Number two, do they share their needs openly with you? Very calmly.  This would mean a lot to me. Could you do this? Could you help me out? They're very clear about those needs. They're clear about their wants too. Hey, I want this. Can you help me with this? Oh, I'd love this for my birthday. They don't expect mind reading. They're not mean stomping their foot, demanding princesses or princes or whatever. They're very clear about what they want. And they're very clear about their dislikes. Ooh, you know what? You didn't know this? That's okay, I just don't like that. I like this instead. Could you do this? This would be great. They solve problems with you together and they work with you as a team, right? And they're trying to be stable and connected instead of just being interesting. Are they stimulating you and then getting exhausted by it, right? That fall apart process at six to seven months? Or are they with you?  And I briefly mentioned it a moment ago. But marriage or a committed relationship is much more like a business. If you would not co-found a business with somebody, do not marry them. Go into it exactly like you are building a business together. Would you sign a contract on day one? Probably not. Don't get married on day one. Would you get completely blindingly drunk at every single meeting with a co-founder every single time you saw them until you signed a contract? No.  If you're having sex with somebody every time you see them you're getting blindingly drunk on hormones and then signing a contract to build a company together. Put it in perspective, I hope. Build with a co-founder mentality. Would you delay a co-founding business together by eight years because you couldn't figure out how to figure out if they were compatible for you or not? Let's just kind of like float with no contract for eight years and see if we're compatible.  Anyone with any kind of respect or business sense would leave.  You're both comfortable. Talk about the comfortable business you want to build and then build it together and co-found it. Approach as a co-founder and filter that way. Any dating books you have right now throw them in the garbage and buy some books on how to co-found a business and treat it that way. There's a big difference between building a street cart together where it's fun and casual and relaxed and you can dissolve it anytime or building a gigantic organization together, right? A family, a business, grandkids, great-grandkids, a family, multiple businesses, big difference. Talk about what you're building and approach it as co-founders. This is a huge mindset shift that you need to make immediately. Now I am gonna give you a lot more information about how to run your marriage like a business in the next video because we're gonna be talking about marriage. But keep in mind right now that the first year should be a long-term lead into that deeper commitment with a plan to build something long-term if that's what you both want. Break up in the first year if you can. I'm not saying go cheat on her and then see if she forgives you. I'm saying find every possible conversation point that could split you in half and have that conversation on purpose. Filter carefully. Connect through your friends if you can. Use dating apps smarter if you can. Do the three-date method and use that first year to filter as hard as you possibly can.  Now proper dating is gonna drive a huge portion of your marriage success if you're not married yet.  We're gonna talk about that next because there's some very specific things that good marriages do. I'm gonna share from my 15 years of marriage, also my years as a licensed marriage and family therapist, also my years as an attachment specialist helping all kinds of couples. I will walk you through how to build and maintain an incredible marriage that will feel wonderful for your whole life. So please stick around for that next episode that'll be coming. In the meantime, if this has been helpful or if you wanna fix your attachment, check out my attachment bootcamp video course. It's linked down below in the show notes. I'd be happy to help you through that course. And if you have questions, you can contact me through my website, adamlainsmith.com. And I will see you in that next episode all about marriage.


Give the people what they want. Give the people what they want. Give the people what they want. Your weekly movement news roundup. Yes, it's the 31st of December 2021. You're watching Give the People What They Want brought to you by the world's best website for your movement news, People's Dispatch. The editors always right there, Zoe and Prashant. If not in a room somewhere in the world, in the fields, standing in bus stations. I'm Vijay. I was once this year squatting at a bus station. My legs gave out. I had to quit. I'm with you from Globetrotter. Give the people what they want. Keep coming with those obligatory selfies. We need them. They are important to us. Metaphor for 2021, friends. Just before we began, Zoe reminded us of a ship, the Ever Given, which was stuck for, I think, something like several months from March to July of this year. 369 ships stuck behind it. The Ever Given blocking the Suez Canal, constipating the world's economy, a sign of what it's been like to live through the pandemic, waiting in endless queues, not sure what's there at the other end. Everything paused. Here we are. Here we are. Here we are waiting for another period to start. Zoe, you're waiting for another period to start. Meanwhile, the US Center for Disease Control has told people go get vaccinated because hospitals are too expensive. What an interesting way to get people to vaccinate, to admit that your medical system is totally broken. What's the situation in that broken country called the United States or dis-United States of America? I think, well, that's exactly right. I think we're at the point coming into year three of the pandemic. As I mentioned last week, you would hear people in the US say, oh, post-pandemic, we're already post-pandemic. The pandemic has passed. Clearly, that's not the case. There have been the highest recorded number of cases that has ever happened throughout the pandemic. And those numbers are only, of course, coming from tests that are administered in testing sites because the US has no centralized national health care system. So anyone who's testing at home is not even being counted in that total. So the real number is much higher. The CDC has also, you know, in a major kind of bow to big business has cut in half the quarantine time. So, you know, just as we're having these, you know, ballooning case numbers, they say, you know what, don't quarantine for 10 days. And actually, you know, what's scientifically proven to make sure that you don't spread the infection, only quarantine for five days. And of course, you know, while it's true that maybe this variant, the Omicron has, you know, less severe symptoms, you know, that's not all the cases that are out there and that's not the same for everyone. And there's actually, at the current moment, there's no way to know if that's going to actually be effective those five days of quarantine in stopping the spread. So we're really at a great moment of, I think, true system collapse in the United States. Business is closed, you know, massive chaos just because of the number of people who are getting infected. And, yeah, this is the scene here. System collapse. Wow. Meanwhile, of course, in India, Prime Minister Narendra Modi had championed a new form of medical care, which was banging pots and pans in public to scare away the virus. Didn't scare away the farmers. They defeated him. Prashant, is that the best story of the year? Oh, I would definitely say and not out of any sense of partiality as well of being from India, but just because the, and we talked about this multiple times on the show, but I think still bears repeating at the end of the year as we look forward to new struggles, as we look forward to new movements. Just the fact that tens of thousands of people were able to actually sustain a struggle over one year or more than a year actually. The fact that they were actually thousands of people camping around Delhi at any point of time. They were abused in various ways. The media played a disgraceful role calling them basically calling them terrorists, calling them anti-nationals, doubting their commitment and sincerity at any point of time. After a point when that didn't work, large sections of the media just completely ignored them, pretended that they were not people, hundreds of kilometers away from home, actually sitting and protesting, just pretended they didn't exist. At some point of time, towards the end of the protest, farmers actually run over by a convoy associated with the BJP minister, union minister, and even then the media played a very disgraceful role. And of course, many people would not know what's in India called the WhatsApp university because the ruling right wing has such a powerful control over communication and WhatsApp is such a powerful way of disseminating these messages that there are hundreds of messages sent each day denigrating these kind of protests, denigrating anybody who criticizes the government. Despite all this, the farmers managed to stand together. A wide variety of ideologies, a wide variety of class backgrounds actually. And all of these people, not only the outskirts of Delhi, but across the country, mass solidarity activities, people coming together in large numbers, these massive panchayats that were held, massive gatherings that were held in various states in which thousands of farmers gathered together to express solidarity. And this, we need to remember all this is happening amid the pandemic. And even those sites were concerned about the fact that they were so far away from home, but nonetheless their commitment to the cause, the fact that they wanted these laws withdrawn, these three laws withdrawn was paramount. And finally the government had to give in. And I think it's a valuable lesson for movements across the world. It's a very difficult kind of solidarity to build, but when it is built and when it is continued, I think after point, how powerful the government be, how authoritarian it be, it has very few options but to give in. Well, the government had to in a sense surrender to the farmers. It's also basically given up in tackling COVID-19. In Israel, the government seems to be prepared to start a fourth shot. I mean, I don't know what's happening there, but this is only a fourth shot for certain kinds of Israelis, not for the Palestinians who are under occupation. 7000 Palestinians sitting in Israeli jails, many of them in illegal administrative detention. And I must say, if I was to pick somebody who's been extraordinary brave during this period, it's definitely got to be Hisham Abu Hawash, who is on his 137th day of his hunger strike, refusing to give in to Israeli pressure, refusing to give in to an illegal system of administrative detention. I must say, you've got to take your hats off to the way the Palestinians continue to struggle from the front against brutal occupation unrelenting, even though I must say the odds are so difficult. Such difficult odds, they keep going on. Prashant, what else is happening in Palestine? Because there is of course the question of these prisoners and so on, very rarely discussed and talked about, but there's a broader context. What's been happening in Palestine? I know that people's dispatch keeps a close eye on events in Palestine. You mentioned Hisham Abu's on a hunger strike, but of course that spirit I think reflected across all of Palestine over the course of the past year, not only across Palestine, but also among people expressing solidarity, people who are part of the struggle across the world. And we know this because I think 2021 is probably one of those years like 2014 or 2009 when Palestine actually faced the brunt of Israeli brutality and Israeli occupation. The most significant example being those 11 days in May where Israel just bombed and bomb Gaza continuously despite the fact that despite various international calls of varying degrees of sincerity, it was just continuous amounts of bombing and so many hundreds of people died, I think over 2,200 people injured. But what I think you need to remember both before and after and during those bombings was the fact that the resistance continued, defined, resistance continued unabated. For instance, in the months preceding that, we saw how every time the Israeli settlers tried to invade Al-Aqsa Mosque, every time the Israelis tried to evict families from Sheikh Jarrah or even around the Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem itself and barricades were set up each and every single time we saw Palestinians continuously protesting. In fact, Israel was very concerned about the fact that these protests were spreading into what is called 1948 Israel or whatever. So even during the bombings, we saw the kind of protests and solidarity actions that were taking place among Palestinian citizens of Israel and the people in the occupied territories. The fact that no one was willing to, there was absolutely no notion of surrender and this continued even after the bombing when Israel banned those six organizations as terrorists. When, for instance, Palestine, when those prisoners escaped in a miraculous, very powerful, you know, I think it's a very powerful sign of resistance as well. And in the weeks and months after that, when Israel cracked down very heavily on prisoners across, Palestinian prisoners across these territories, the kind of resistance they mounted, the hunger strikes they had undertaken. The latest hunger strikes are also very important because like you said, they are against one of the most brutal policies in the world, the idea of administrative detention. We saw someone for instance like Khalidah Jarrah, who was not allowed to leave prison even when her daughter died. And administrative detention basically says that you can continue being jailed endlessly because all it requires is for an Israeli authority to sort of say that, okay, six months more you're in prison, even if the charges against you are not defined, even if the evidence presented against you is secret. Nonetheless, this continues. Similarly, we have seen this massive increase in settlement activity as well that has continued despite the fact that Naftali Bennett has come to power. No change at all in Israel's policies, no change at all in how it carries out its occupation and its apartheid. So it's probably, I think, you know, now we live through it, we talk about it, we write about it, but say 50 or 100 years down the line, the resistance of the Palestinian people is going to be one of those epic achievements if humanity does something that also people will look back upon as probably some of the best of what humans are able to achieve in some sense, that in the face of such brutality, resistance continues. That's well said, Prashant, because I mean, you know, we are very concerned about the situation in Palestine with the pandemic, with the occupation, but also with the kind of international silence that has begun to take hold. Used to be that one would hear much more fierce condemnation about what's happening. Now there's a culture of silence, a culture of silence which has afflicted the violence in Colombia since 1948. It's stunning that modern Colombia begins with an event in 1948 called La Violencia, the violence, a violence that just has not stopped and will perhaps continue into and across the presidential campaign next year, the presidential election. Zoe, terrible data out again about violence in Colombia. Take us back to a country that you know very well. Well, this year was definitely a crucial year in Colombia. I think we covered very closely the protests that erupted at the end of April that, you know, of course started in reaction to a tax reform bill that was proposed by the government. But really it was a watershed moment for mounting, you know, discontent in Colombia. People have been, you know, suffering. As you said, since 1948 with the event of Bogotasso, the assassination of Jorge Elia Sergaitán, I think it's interesting. Colombia is often called the Israel of South America, of Latin America and the Caribbean. And there's a lot of parallels, I think not too much. But, you know, there's a lot of parallels to be drawn there with the resistance of the Colombian people to continuing to resist the, you know, government that is set on maintaining its dominance over the people, over the land. And this year was really a breaking point in April, in May, in June. The people said, enough. They went onto the streets. They said, no more of these, you know, assassinations of people who are in the communities trying to build a better world, trying to fight for peace. How is it that in 2016 the peace agreements, historic peace agreements were signed between the largest guerrilla group and the government, but yet over a thousand human rights defenders and social leaders have been assassinated and none of these cases really investigated to the full extent. How is it that, you know, paramilitary groups have more control over the territories than they have, you know, in the last decade?   And how is it that the United States continues to prop up this government?  He's going to, I'm sure, continue his studies at Harvard and get all of the nice prizes from, you know, as they do. And, but really, this was a very important moment in these protests that we saw and were covering from people's dispatch.   There was a protester who was burned to death by police. These are things that were happening, you know, every single day during these 10 weeks of struggle. And I think it's really important to take a pause and see what the brutality that was really happening. And once again, kind of the fierce and determined resistance of the people to say enough and that we won't have any more.  However, the next year is an election year. I think what we saw in 2018 is that there will be an increase in violence. A lot of members of Gustavo Pedro's party have been singled out and assassinated. So it's really important for us to continue to keep an eye on this and know that there will be increased violence. But it does seem that the historic pact is polling, you know, quite high. People have had enough and it is likely to be a moment of change for Colombian. A moment of change, likely the violence certainly to continue. You're listening to give the people who are coming to you from people's dispatch that's Zoe and Prashant. I'm Vijay from Globetrotter. We're coming to you on the 31st of December 2021. No sleep for the wicked here. During this year we have been to various countries around the world to report from the front lines for you from Honduras, from Chile, from Mozambique, from the front lines of the farmer's struggle in India, also from COP26, where we covered that from the front including police violence against the protesters. We bring you these stories. We expect you to give us those selfies. That's all we need from you. We would like to see you tell us whether you appreciate this show or not. It gives us courage to continue. We'll be back next year of course a whole slate of shows every week coming to you same time on Friday, and we'll be back with a new video. So, this is our best news you're going to get. That's what we promise you. We were at COP26. No real agreement at COP. Miserable discussion. Same old thing. A report comes from Africa. Just in the last period about the catastrophic climate destruction including desert locusts in 2020. And reappearing 2021. We're seeing a huge increase in the number of populations. The Horn of Africa and epic center in the climate catastrophe that we're seeing around the world also of course a place right now of great conflict. Prashant take us to the Horn of Africa because people's dispatch alongside breakthrough news has done some terrific perhaps some of the best reporting from the Horn of Africa this year. We've seen a war ongoing since now, but 2020 when the rebel degree people's liberation front attacked a federal military base in Ethiopia and the Ethiopian forces retaliated of course. The important thing to note this year of course was the fact that the war seemed to be at an end. The government had declared a ceasefire. It had withdrawn to permit agriculture to continue to permit the sowing season to take place. At that point the TPL have once actually I think a lot of this is yet to be properly chronicle. There have been multiple reports of for instance mass graves, all these taking place, but they're still not an authoritative amount of information on many of this yet. Just last week, again we seem to have reached some kind of a milestone there with the TPL have now declaring after multiple reverses that they were going to withdraw back into their province and the Ethiopian government said that it would not advance any further. Now whether this will actually mean the chance of peace remains to be seen. The larger point of course here is that the TPL have has been supported consistently and considerably by the United States and its allies. They were long term supporters of the TPL have been for decades, but in this conflict the role of the humanitarian agencies, the role of the United Nations, the role of the US itself has been very heavily called into doubt because time and again the focus has been on what allegations against Ethiopian government that the TPLF has got quite a clean shit so to speak. So despite the fact that there are very strong credible allegations of the TPLF commandeering aid trucks, there's actually been very little against it. On the other hand, the United States was actually very eager and very willing to actually impose sanctions on Ethiopia as well and some of this again likely to affect people in small scale industries, people ordinary working class people which is what breakthrough has been and despite the fact that whether this is going to make a change remains to be seen. Well you see south of the Horn of Africa south of Ethiopia, Eritrea, Somalia and so on is Mozambique. For the last couple of years I've been reporting a terrible conflict in Mozambique's poorest province, the province of Cabo Delgado where just off the coastline total energies of France and Exxon mobile of the United States have essentially captured a natural gas field, one of the largest finds in decades. This field was being developed the people in Cabo Delgado upset by the fact that they are in poverty able to look out in the water and see this massive infrastructural project no returns coming into their own lives started in insurgency in 2017. This year as I reported the French government in order to protect its asset and perhaps on behalf not only of total energies but also Exxon mobile made a deal with the government of Rwanda to send Rwandan troops but also South African troops Emmanuel Macron visited Kigali he visited Pretoria so we very quickly after Macron's visit to Africa we saw the move of Rwandan troops and South African troops into Cabo Delgado. Just this week Philip Newsea President of Mozambique visited Cabo Delgado to meet with the Rwandan and South African troops to congratulate them, thank them and so on. Meanwhile in the province of Niasa just west of Cabo Delgado this insurgency has moved there because the insurgents are going nowhere. You can crush them but the roots of the insurgency which is the poverty which we have written about and seen with great sorrow the level of poverty in that area of northern Mozambique you can crush the insurgency and this began I must say with hatchets and so on didn't begin with sophisticated weaponry they were no match for the Rwandan and South African forces they will move to other provinces and President Newsea says don't be alarmed. I would say this is alarming schools have been closed in Cabo Delgado through the year they are now slated to reopen on the 22nd of January so let's see what happens lots of young children lots of hopes, lots of hopes for the future there is a lot of wealth in countries like Mozambique too little of it goes to places like Cabo Delgado too little of it goes to places like Niasa reporting for you from the front lines of places like Mozambique also reporting for you from the front lines of Honduras where Zoe had gone to cover the election wrote a superb series not only on the election but on the voices of movement leaders in Honduras Zoe bring us up to speed as the year ends what's happened in Honduras and what is slated to happen next year well just yesterday Zio Maracastro who is elected president on November 28th received her credentials officially her victory certified by the national electoral council in Honduras and on January 27th she was sworn in as the first female president of Honduras breaking 12 years of rule by the national party to put it lightly engaged in corruption has links with drug trafficking and also came to power through coups through electoral fraud and through every other kind of illegal means you could imagine this party ran Honduras into the ground we've seen over the past decade a massive increase in migration from Honduras hundreds of thousands of people being forced to flee their homes because of deteriorating social conditions in the country economic conditions that are just untenable attacks on labor rights attacks on women's rights just in every sense of the word undermining people's right to exist and live with dignity so the the election of Zio Maracastro the end to 12 years of the cycle of what Hondurans would call the narco tatership of the national party is a really exciting moment it's a moment where there's change that's going to be possible where they're putting on the table access to health care strengthening the national health care system we'll have an interview coming out next week with a member of the people's health movement in Honduras who talked about really key things that they hope to bring to the table with this new government just increasing the budget increasing the number of health care centers Hondurans are dealing with malnutrition and things that should be solved and can be solved by the national government there's a lot of expectation there's a lot of hope that people have in the region not only in Honduras but in the region because the northern triangle that it's called has been a really it's a region that's had a lot of challenges this has been the focus of US foreign policy of course and it's been the focus of the U.S. military base in the region unclear there haven't been too many signs of how this relationship will be renegotiated but from what members of the Libre party have said from what members of likely to be the new government have said they're going to be looking to diversify their international relations no longer be dominated by the line of the U.S. State Department you must suppress your wages you must suppress your working rights so that we can get cheap clothing cheap bananas and other cheap imports and flood your market with our products and so this will be an interesting moment in Honduras changing the tide seeing this shaking off of 12 years of neoliberalism of a really arduous struggle of the Honduran people I think it's also important in this moment of course remember all of the martyrs happened throughout these 12 years of struggle Bertha Cáceres many others who gave their life to fight for a democratic Honduras and a new Honduras very important to remember that I mean in all these places the struggles of people bring the future and it's important that we recall that we recall of course that our colleague Julian Assange sitting in Belmarsh prison first went to prison in a way in 2012 when he had to enter into the Ecuadorian embassy thrown out of that embassy in 2019 has been therefore in prison let's say for a decade this is terrible he is our colleague he is a journalist a publisher WikiLeaks and we with other journalists around the world stand with Julian Assange and in the name of press freedom hope that this year he will find the bright light of day his own yesterday I spent some time talking to a United Nations official who is in Kabul had gone there to see the current situation UN has recently said that 23 million Afghans in a perilous situation near starvation that's 55% of the population this was a ghastly ghastly situation the United States prosecuted a 20 year war and has now kidnapped 9.5 billion dollars of Afghan money the fact that over this 20 year period the United States ran the country into a situation where it was reliant on foreign aid that itself should be on the table that they made a country so reliant on foreign aid that when the government changed and the foreign aid dried up half more than half the population is on the verge of starvation friends if you don't know this large parts of Afghanistan when the winter sets in go into relative hibernation the Wakhan corridor which I know pretty well shuts down because the roads ice up it becomes impossible to go in during the winter if they have not yet been supplied there will be a real catastrophe during the winter and I want us to keep our eyes open there will be starvation deaths in Afghanistan this year I'm not saying this from the standpoint of an NGO trying to raise funds and so on I know that's what it sounds like I'm saying this to you from the standpoint of a human being who's reported from these parts of the world where real tragedy is in front of enormous numbers of people's lives the UN number is 23 million people in Afghanistan Chile just had an incredible they're going to install Gabriel Boric as the president next year the population of Chile is 17 million is less than the number of people who might starve during this winter in Afghanistan 22 million people I don't have another comparison for the number I just came up with Chile because I know that number at the top of my head but it is a lot of people who are in very difficult situation and I am saying this in a very blunt way the responsibility for this rest in Washington DC's lap I'd like to say that as I leave you you've been listening to your favorite show of the year Prashant Zoe are we coming back next year is that even a question is that even a question of course always with you well always with you if you give us those selfies of yourselves watching this show this is very important for us you might be wondering why we are obsessed with it next year we are going to take some of those selfies and make something fun with them so if you want to be part of that something fun post a selfie of yourself watching give the people what they want your favorite movement news round up coming to you from Prashant and Zoe my dear friends and companions in this struggle editors of people's dispatch the best movement driven news site that you'll find I'm Vijay from Globetrotter we're going to miss you even though we'll be back next Friday see you then see you then


Animals and the food they eat. This is JB and he is trying to figure out which animal does not belong. He is thinking caribou eats grass. Horse eats grass. Cow eats grass. Cat eats fish. And he figured out that the cat does not belong to the group. All other animals eat grass while the cat eats fish. Let's have a look of other animals and the food they like to eat. Dog eats bone. Monkey eats banana. Frog eats flies. Rabbit eats carrot. Bird eats worm. Lion eats meat. Giraffe eats leaves. Sheep eats grass. Chicken eats grains. Now can you answer this? Let's draw a triangle around the answer. What does a rabbit eat? Carrot, right? What does a bird eat? Worm, correct. What does a frog eat? Fly, correct. What does a lion eat? What does a giraffe eat? Leaves, correct. What does a monkey eat? Banana, right? They are so easy to remember. Now go get your book and answer the drills in there. Have a nice day.


And so I had the IOTI Velix Mini MagSafe air vent mount for car for the car. And it's fantastic. I it's a MagSafe connector, you know, mount that fits on the vent. So it's the vent right to MagSafe. And then it plugs into USBC. So I you know, power delivery. And so I put a little power delivery thing in the power outlet on the on the van. And it was good to go charged. Well, Lisa's phone while she was driving and I was computing and then my phone on the way home and 45 bucks. It just popped right in. If your car doesn't have a car, well, if you don't have to plug in for carplay, which would sort of negate the need for something like this. But if you if you need to see your screen, if you want to MagSafe in the car, I love this thing yesterday. This was it was great. So nice or cool stuff out. Yeah, it's probably something that I will travel with just in case I wind up renting a car without carplay. Like having this would be, you know, a built in way because when I don't have carplay in a rental car, which they all should by by now, but some of them just don't. When I don't have carplay in a rental car, I need to see my phone screen like I'm going to use it. If I'm renting a car, I'm in a city I don't know as well as home. I'm going to be using it for maps and I need to be able to see my screen. This solves all my problems. It lets me see the phone screen. It lets me charge the phone like all of that stuff. So yeah, I'm a fan. Yeah. Yep. So and that's the IOTIOTIE Velox VELOX mini. Of course, there's a link in the show notes because that's how we do it here. We try to you know, we try to help out.