Vicks presents the Madanay Theatre starring Victor Jauri in the love story of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning. The makers of Vicks' Vapor Rub, Vicks' Vatronol, Vicks' Cough Pops and Vicks' Inhaler brings you the Madanay Theatre starring Victor Jauri and featuring Gertrude Warner in the request performance of the love story of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning. A great many stories have been told about this famous romance, and today it is our pleasure to bring you an original radio play by Gene Holloway based on their lives. A play that we feel will be long remembered by friends of the Madanay Theatre. Here's a good thing to remember when you catch a cold. The best known home remedy for relieving miseries of colds is Vicks' Vapor Rub. Act one of the love story of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning. Every once in a while, this brings to life a love story so beautiful that it becomes the ideal in the essence of all that romance should be. London, the early 19th century, she was a poetess of some prestige, an invalid but still a beautiful enchanting woman. He was dashing, handsome, and at 33 a poet of promise if of modest achievement. Both of them had had books published, and the lady on the couch when the man in his study read each other's poems and were excited by them. And out of sincere mutual admiration, they began to correspond. Tell me again what she looks like, John. Oh, well, she's Paul, very slender, she has black hair. Paul's like a cloud around her shoulders, doesn't it? Uh, well, it's black and it's long, and she's fair skin. Her skin has the texture of rose petals and the touch of her hand is like a sweep of music. Robert, take the advice of an old friend. I'll forget about Elizabeth Barrett. She's an invalid and a recluse, and she has the most disagreeable father has ever been my bad fortune to meet. Now, I can introduce you to a hundred women, all more beautiful and all more desirable. Not to me, John, not to me. I sent a boy over with the letter a little while ago. I wonder if she's reading it now. I wonder what she's thinking. I wonder if this time my answer will be the one I've waited for. What is Mr. Brownie saying this letter, Elizabeth? No, he speaks once more of coming to call, and he implies that perhaps the reason I've not permitted him to come before this is that I'm in some way mistrustful of him. Oh, Elizabeth, I suppose now he must come. Oh, well, if you'd like to write him an answer now telling him to, I could post it when I go to meet Papa. I'll try and have it ready by then. Oh, I'm so glad. You had to meet someday, you know. Yes, we had to meet someday. I know. You're all staring at me, Mr. Brownie. I'm sorry, it's hard enough to. You see, these past few months I've wondered so about you. I've read your poetry and your letters. I've tried to imagine what my lady in the ivory tower was like. I'm afraid I've never thought of this room as an ivory tower. Sometimes it seemed more like a prison. I've had to spend so many hours here on this couch. I'd like to take you away from England. I'd like to take you to Italy where you could lie on the sun. Drink red wine and eat Italian bread and cheese. No time at all you'd be taking long walks in the mountains and attending festivals. I'd take you out day after day in the fishing boats until your skin was brown in your eyes, bright and full of laughter. And every night I'd hire a donkey cart and take you up to the mountains to watch the moon rise. How beautiful it sounds. It's a lovely dream, Mr. Brownie. Shall I tell you something about my dreams, Miss Barrett? Please do. They have a way of coming true.  You're already late for your nap. I'm sure Mr. Browning will excuse you. Sorry, I'll go at once. I hope I haven't tired you. Tired me? What do you know, Mr. Browning? I not only feel very wretched, I feel positively sunburned. Then I may come again next Tuesday. If you don't, I shall be most disappointed. Good day, Mr. Browning. Good day, Mr. Browning. Good day, sir. Good day, Miss Barrett. You have a high colour. I trust you aren't feverish, my dear. Not a bit of it. I've just been out in the sun and the wind, that's all. Do you know what I did this afternoon, Papa? No. I stood in the prowl of a little Italian fishing boat and the wind blew back my hair. My heart lifted to meet the wind. But a little while I was away from the swim. I was free of all pain. And I was happier than I'd been in a long time. I didn't know your age and your Greek common sense in Elizabeth. I'd say you were talking like a schoolgirl who'd just lost her heart. What does age and common sense have to do with losing one's heart, Papa? Since you ask me, Elizabeth, I'll put it this way. Browning is on the threshold of his 30s.  The difference between those ages is the difference between youths and middle age. That's what age has to do with it. As for common sense, well, my dear, you are an invalid. As far as life and love are concerned, you must be an onlooker. That is the way God has chosen for you. I'm speaking as though there were something between you and Mr. Browning which is ridiculous to begin with. Yes. Isn't it? Elizabeth, my dear, are you crying? A little. Why? It was so lovely being young, even for a few moments. But it isn't fair. It isn't fair that I should be middle-aged and have had nothing. I want to get out of this room, Papa. I want to know what it's like to run in the sunshine. I want to know what it's like to sit outside in the moonlight as late as I want to. I want to know what it's like to be kissed. Elizabeth, you don't know what you're saying.  You'd better take your nap. No. I'm not tired and I'm not going to take a nap. You know what I'm going to do, Papa? No. I'm going to write a letter to Mr. Browning. I'm Kenyon. I've got something to tell you. John Kenyon! See, see here now, Browning. This is a highly respectable neighborhood and I don't intend to be thrown out of it, so kindly lower your voice. John, old boy, would you mind if I kissed you on the cheek? I most certainly would. Why, why should you want to do a thing like that? You didn't get hit on the head on your way over here, did you? Something like that. I fell in love on the way over here and I owe it all to you. Well, I decline any responsibility at all. Elizabeth Barratt's most enchanting, the most adorable, the most beautiful... Oh, oh, so you did meet her at last, eh? But I'm very sorry to hear you talk that way, Robert. Sorry? Why? Well, for one thing, Edward Barratt has always said that he would never permit any of his daughters to marry. And for another thing, Elizabeth's always been such a poor, sickly creature. And I am sorry that you met. No happiness will ever come of it. You're mistaken, John. I'm going to marry Elizabeth Barratt. And it's going to be the marriage that never was before on land or sea. I knew it from the moment I walked into her room today and I... I think she knew it too. I'm so sure that I'm going to write her a letter right now and tell her exactly how I feel. She's shot up in a castle, now guarded by dragons, but I'll storm the castle and carry her off across my saddle. You're going to write her that? Yes, and she'll understand. She's my lady. She'll understand. Why are you sitting here in the dark, Elizabeth? Shall I light the lamps? If you wish. I've just been sitting here watching the stars and saying goodbye to something, Henrietta. Evidently, my manner with Mr. Bronning last Tuesday was not everything a lady should be because he's written me a most upsetting letter completely lacking in respect and dignity. What does he say? He says he loves me. Well, what more do you want? I want respect and propriety. I'm too old to have a lover of storming at the gates. Oh, Papa was right.  Oh, Elizabeth, please. Please be kind to Mr. Bronning. Give yourself a chance for happiness. I've written him a note. I'll read you part of it. You do not know what pain you give me in speaking so wildly. You've said some interpret things, fences, which you must not say ever again, but must forget it once and forever. If there should be one word of answer attempted to this or of reference, I must not. I will not see you again. Well, you made rather a fool of yourself, didn't you? Yes, rather. Well, at least it's settled once and for all. Now maybe you'll get down to your own work and forget about Mr. Elizabeth Thariff. Forget her? I told you I was going to marry her. The lady and you seem to have different opinions on that subject. Wrong again. The lady and I are of exactly the same mind. And when she burrows through about 50 layers of convention to her heart, she'll find my name written across it. In the meantime, I'll wait. I will be the polite caller of the solicitous friend. Oh, how that's going to annoy her. Well, it's your heart. Go ahead and break it. I shall answer this little letter of hers by saying that she completely misinterpreted my meaning. I will say that I was thinking of her as a poetess and a famous figure, not a woman. After all, who am I, Robert Browning, to think of her in any other light? And then I shall say that I will call on her on Tuesday next and that I'm obediently hers. And that will do the trick. It is therefore my considered opinion that the situation in English politics today is exceedingly grave and demands much study. Yes, yes, of course. I agree with you implicitly, Mr. Browning. Your letters this past week have certainly been mainly concerned with politics. It's a vital subject. And the one thing that concerns me deeply at the moment... You see, I was quite right, Henrietta. Mr. Browning has had nothing, whatever, of a personal nature to say to me on his recent visits. His professions of love obviously meant very little. But you forbid him to say anything about love. Well, he has a mind of his own, isn't he? I'm very glad I brought him as I did. Very glad indeed. I have a new poem of yours that someone sent me in the mail, Mr. Browning. It's one you haven't shown me. The Lost Mistress. It sounds as though you were a little bitter when you wrote it. I was only as bitter as the lady who inspired it made me. I wish I knew the lady who inspired you, Mr. Browning. Obviously, she holds your heart. Perhaps someday you will meet her, Mr. Barrett. Yes. Yes, I do hope so, Mr. Browning. Mr. Barrett, how wonderful to find you downstairs in the library. You are getting better, aren't you? I'm much better, thanks to you. I might have remained on that couch forever if you hadn't made me go for those drives and then made me start taking walks. You've given me new heart and new life. I'm glad to be able to repay you in some way for the great happiness and friendship you brought me. That friendship will be yours as long as you want it, Mr. Browning. Maybe I've been a conceited fool, John. Just because you hold your arms up for the stars doesn't mean you can reach them, does it? Tonight I think she doesn't love me and tonight I think she never will. Can this be Robert Browning talking? Where's your confidence? Where's your assurance? Out the window, trying to catch up with my heart. I think I shall have to rescue all three. I think I must be off to Italy with them alone. You're going to tell her? Yes, I'm going to write her that tonight. I'll see her only once more to say goodbye. Well, I am sorry, Robert, but it's just as well for you to realize that the whole thing is hopeless. Go to Italy. You'll forget this whole episode in a month or two. No, I won't forget her. I won't ever forget. I shall miss her. All the rest of my life. In just a moment, the second act of the story of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning. April is here today, and with its usual pesky, changeable weather and colds. So don't take needless risks. Remember when a cold strikes that it's foolish to depend on unknown, unfried remedies for a leaving distress, you don't have to, because you have the personal experience of millions of folks to guide you. Just do as they do, and rub Vick's vapor rub on your throat, chest, and back. Then notice how its relief-giving action goes right to work to help relieve upper bronchial congestion and irritation, to ease the coughing spasms, sore throat, and that muscular soreness or tightness. You see, vapor rub so effectively relieves distress of colds because it penetrates, penetrates into the cold congested upper bronchial tubes with its special soothing vapors, and at the same time it stimulates, stimulates chest and back surfaces like a comforting, warming poultice. And this penetrating, stimulating action of vapor rub keeps on working for hours to bring such wonderful relief, and keep this in mind. Only vapor rub gives you this special penetrating stimulating action. It's the best-known home remedy for relieving miseries of colds. Time-tested, home-proved, Vick's vapor rub. Now the second act of the love story of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning, starring Victor Jory and featuring Gertrude Warner. You haven't been looking very well lately. I think perhaps you're moving about too much. I'm thinking of taking you on a trip to the shore. Perhaps you could stay on your couch and rest if the seer might help you. No, Father. You're not taking me away from Wimple Street. You're forgetting yourself, Elizabeth. You've become very unruly since Mr. Browning has been coming here. I think I shall have to tell him that his presence is no longer welcome. As long as I am under this roof, he is welcome. When he is no longer welcome, I shall leave, too. You have my decision, Elizabeth. And you have mine, Father. Miss Barrett, there's something I must tell you. We may not be meeting for a time. I'm off to Italy in a week or so. Oh, well, well, I shall miss you very much.  I'm afraid the lady of the poem is beyond my reach forever. Elizabeth, is there nothing human about you at all? Are you nothing but the statue of a woman, the shell of a woman?  Have you no heart at all? I have enough of a heart to be hurt. I have that much heart. What have you? I doubt it. Elizabeth, that first time when I walked into your room and you smiled at me, something inside me kindled into flame, and I knew with the sureness beyond all doubt that you and I were meant to be together, I tried to tell you that.  You were offended, dropped, insulted. I should have taken my warning from that. I should never have come to this house again, but I hoped that you would come to realize and feel the same thing that I was feeling. Well, obviously, I expected too much. That's what you want to be, a pretty influence sitting by a window, waiting to die.  There doesn't seem to be much for me to say, Mr. Browning. Good day, Mr. Barrow. Good day, Mr. Browning. Well, Elizabeth, still crying, I see. Perhaps you'll realize now that I know what's best for you. You've made a pretty fool of yourself. You should be crying. That's not why I'm crying. I'm crying because I'm lonely. I'm crying because of a lot of things I didn't say. Father, what shall I do? What can I do? You can return to your couch, to your books, to your tranquillity.  I'm going to take you to the country where you can rest. You need the peace of solitude. You need to become again the daughter I've always protected and cherished. You've forgotten these past few weeks how much of an invalid you are. Yes. Yes, I had forgotten. Father, I was in love with Mr. Browning. It was rather life-sensitive for a woman of your age, wasn't it, Elizabeth? Perhaps. But I never thought of being older when I was with him. I think heaven, you're over those adolescent scenes now. They're hardly becoming to anyone so close to 40. We have peace and order in the house again. You know now what you must do. Don't you, Elizabeth? Yes. Yes, I do know now what I must do, Father. At last I know what I must do. Hand me those shirts, will you, John? Oh, yes. Here you are. Well, that's a mighty efficient job of packing you're doing, old man. I wish I were going with you. Come along. Well, maybe I shall run over late in the summer. Oh, well, what you aren't done with is packet of letters. Throw them in the fireplace. No. No. Throw them in the trunk. My first idea was better. Why take your memories along with you? They're all I have. I don't want to read them now or for a long time to come, but one day I will want to read them. One day a long time from now when the scars don't burn anymore, when I can take them out and read them carelessly and say these were written by Elizabeth Barrett. She had almost everything a woman could have. Beauty, wit, charm, intelligence. She had no heart. Or at any rate, she had no heart for me. I'd rather... I'd rather she hated me than have her merely like me. Ah, Robert, Robert, I wish I knew what it was about Elizabeth that is so completely enthralled. I'm sure I can't say it. I don't know exactly for it is myself except that after being with her all other women are colorless. The hours that I'm with her go by like seconds and the hours I'm waiting to be with her are snail-paced eternities. With one sentence she can make me happier than I've ever been. With the next she can hurt me more cruelly than I've ever been hurt. Without ever knowing that she's given me a new awareness of life why when I see people walking hand in hand through the starlight my heart twists a little inside of me and I want to go up to them and say how fortunate you are to have found each other. I can't forget her for a single second no matter where I am or who I'm with. I both hate her and love her so much and then stops and the other begins. See what it is, will you John? I want to finish up here. No, right. Elizabeth. Hello John, is Robert here? Yes, come in. Elizabeth, come in. Sit down, that chair is the most comfortable, sit there. Yes. Well, if you two don't mind I must be running along. It is sudden engagement I just remembered.  Goodbye John. Let me take your wrap. I'm all right. Robert, I came because I had to speak to you before you left and considering the manner of our parting I didn't think you'd be calling again at Wimbledon Street. I am of course very glad to see you, that goes without saying. When are you leaving? Next week. Robert, I may never see you again and since I may never see you again I felt, I feel that I must be honest with you as you've been honest with me after you had gone that very first day we met I, I sat for hours writing a letter I was meant to destroy it because I'd not written it with any idea of letting you see it because now I want you to see it because it's an honest letter which the one I sent you wasn't. Shall I read it now? Yes, read it now. My dearest one I, who have never written a love letter I'm writing my first you're gone now and yet my room is full of you I see everywhere I turn seems that all my life my heart has asked a question and now at last I know the answer I've always been a cold thing, a poor excuse for a woman and yet I believe that if you would but take my hand I could follow you anywhere and be all things to you Oh Elizabeth Elizabeth Robert I don't know if you can forgive me for not giving you this or telling you long ago but you see no one ever loved me before and it's human nature to mistrust dreams that come true too suddenly My dear you will marry me, you'll go to Italy with me I'll go with you Robert to Italy or to the ends of the world Are you ready to go next week? I don't know, that's so soon We can't be separated again there's no telling what your father would do No, we can't be separated again Robert I will arrange to leave the house early Monday morning with my maid if you will make the arrangement perhaps we can marry sometime before noon Elizabeth, you're everything I've ever wanted on earth Darling you're everything I've ever wanted in heaven I'm going for a walk, papa You don't walk too far my dear and take it slowly Father, come here let me kiss you goodbye we'll miss one another you and I I shall be here when you return Elizabeth you know my dear you're looking exceptionally attractive young today I am young today father I am young today goodbye father goodbye Mrs. Browning this is the beginning of the world for us yes my darling the beginning of the world in just a moment an important message from Victor Jory but first friends listen to this melody yes? that's the beautiful signature many of you probably heard an hour and a half ago over another network each Sunday it raises the curtain on the thrilling and inspiring music of the Stradivari Orchestra presented by Prince Machiavelli creator of Stradivari Perfume there is no other orchestra like it because it's violins that give such eloquent new beauty to every melody are genuine Stradivari violins each one worth a king's ransom well, two weeks from today on April 15th this popular Stradivari orchestra conducted by Paul Laval moves into this time to bring you 30 minutes of soul-stirring romantic music you know and love so remember you have a wonderful date on April 15th at this hour over this network with the famous Stradivari Orchestra be sure to keep it this is Victor Jory I explained last Sunday next week April 8th marks the closing performance of the season for Vicks and after that, at this time each Sunday I know you're going to enjoy the Stradivari Orchestra but speaking for the Matinee Theater I want to thank Vicks and I want to thank each and every one of the thousands who have written asking that we return to the air as soon as possible many of your letters contain signatures of the whole family others the names of entire school groups factory workers and so forth it was really very, very gratifying it's up to you if you've enjoyed our plays, write write it once if you'd like me to bring Vicks Matinee Theater or rather the Matinee Theater Productions back to the air quickly perhaps even this summer write and tell me about it now address me, care of Columbia Broadcasting New York 22, New York, may I repeat that write me Victor Jory care of Columbia Broadcasting New York 22, New York thank you be sure to tell your friends to listen again next Sunday when we hope to bring you the outstanding production of the season in the meantime, a happy Easter our original radio play today was written by Gene Holloway and was directed by Richard Sanville music for this series is under the direction of Mark Warner be sure to be with us next week when Vicks, the makers of Vicks Vaternall Vicks Coff Drops and Vicks Inhaler brings you another great Matinee Theater Production starring Victor Jory this is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System


I've been invited to share some talks about the role of the international community with regard to responding to crises. To talk about the way these actors could best help nations facing crises while maintaining the momentum of the sustainable development goals. To talk about the existing synergies for an effective and fast response, as well as the way development made societies more resilient. I'm happy to do so, however, it is challenging to clearly respond to these questions because the actions and the roles in responding to crises are dependent on the type of crisis and because international actors as well as their contribution could be diverse. The international community is a big machine. The main actors in responding to crises are the international and regional organizations, the donors, the country international agencies, the global civil society actors such as NGOs, international movements, networks, think tanks, commissions, and the media. They share the same goal, which is to save lives while ensuring basics for survival. Their actions consist in early warning preparedness, capacity building, fundraising, influencing, but also research to get evidence about the state of knowledge and to develop learning in order to improve policy and practices. The perspective I'm going to share here comes from interviews I had with Oxfam field actors in West Africa, country directors, human Italians, advocacy and campaign coordinators, and fundraising managers. So far, I've learned a lot, especially regarding the fundamental role in struggling with crises and their consequences, but also regarding cooperation resilience, preparedness, and the challenges they face. The first support the international community could provide to the nations should happen in provision of any crisis. This includes vulnerability assessment by doing an audit on the vulnerable areas, the nation's ability and resources, an audit on the presence of other international actors, and the identification of who is doing what. By doing an identification of anything that could lead to or exacerbate a crisis and the potential solutions, preparedness also includes planning to effectively manage and minimize casualties. The goal is to plan actions for immediate response in order to alleviate the effect of the crisis, especially regarding the system of development goals. Then preparedness includes communication, meaning early awareness, information sharing and learning from best practices. During the crisis, the international community should work in identifying and addressing practical and strategic needs. Practical needs by the delivery of direct assistance, food, wash, protection. In doing so, the international community will also evolve non-predictable induced issues. The international community should also address strategic needs by accounting for non-predictable dynamics induced by the crisis. Some researchers show some post-disaster changes and the destruction of the social structure that could lead to worsening the conditions and the livelihoods of the most vulnerable peoples. Researchers report the amplification of gender role and identities as well as the transformation of gender relations. Failing to account for the strategic needs could lead to failure in ensuring the sustainable development goals. An example we have in West Africa following the Ebola outbreak is the emergence of a new community, the Ebola survivors. These people are living facing discrimination and stigma while dealing with their own trauma. The international community works to ensure the respect of the survivors' fundamental rights and dignity, and to ensure that this community will be taken into account and protected by the government in the same way that the overall population. After the crisis, the international community should work to ensure the reinforcement of the nations and the communities' capabilities to prevent, manage and respond to crisis by building their resilience. The development programs should be linked whenever possible to long-term development actions to ensure the grounds of the sustainable development goals. Then it is important to raise evidence-based knowledge for research to improve future responses. Cooperation is the strategy usually adopted by the international actors to mitigate their weaknesses in facing crisis and to ensure effective responses. International actors have made significant attempts to combine their efforts in order to be able to respond to crisis. Partnerships include sharing information, joint operations and projects, sharing resources. For instance, the international and regional organizations are the most important actors in the provision of humanitarian aid and development assistance. NGOs generally have strong expertise working with communities and populations, as well as significant networks in the countries. To be efficient, the international actors should work at identifying the horizontal and vertical partnerships they could engage in. NGOs such as Oxfam, or Residential Partnership, mean working with other NGOs with a different domain of expertise, such as Save the Children, MediSense and Fortier Amnesty International and so forth. Vertical partnerships mean working with international and regional organizations, donors, think tanks, the media, but also local actors such as governments, communities, national civil society actors and so forth. I have here some examples of Oxfam cooperation in West Africa. Regarding vertical cooperation in Mali, for instance, Oxfam ensures a close and trusting relationship with communities through the implementation of a committee of complaints. This committee allows the communities to complain if the intervention does not respect what was planned. Oxfam works with local NGOs and civil society organizations to improve the capacity to conduct humanitarian-related activities in food security, livelihoods and wash. Oxfam raises funds for public appeals and private donations. Oxfam receives logistic support provided by the UN. In terms of horizontal cooperation, Oxfam is a member of a consulting group for international NGOs which work together to provide humanitarian assistance to share approach regarding the way of working and ways of doing what, to agree about common advocacy programs, to raise an early warning about vulnerable people, vulnerable areas, to share security and formation. They also work together to increase the effectiveness in attracting funds. An efficient response also depends on the government spirit of cooperation and reaction. During the Niger flood in 2010, the environment was not favorable since it was the worst famine and flooding in Niger history. But the collaboration between the government, the NGOs, the media, the donors and the communities led to an efficient response. Regarding development assistance and resilience, crises definitely break the development process and in some extent uncover fragile statehood and government's weaknesses in the ability to protect their population and how to react appropriately. Development assistance could be considered in addition to humanitarian actions in order to rebuild and re-establish basic social, economic and productive infrastructures, but also to reduce long-term vulnerability, to reinforce the people, the communities and the nation's ability to adapt and to recover promptly following a crisis, meaning to be more resilient. The international actors now recognize that risk addiction and resilience should be established in both humanitarian and development thinking. I would like to share some actions that are taken regarding these ones. The global resilience partnership is an existing instrument convened by USAID, the Rockefeller Foundation and the Swedish Development Agency, that aim to help people adapt and invest in more resilient future to build resilience, rather than only focusing on repair. In Afghanistan, the World Health Organization provides training to respond to the shortage of health workers, especially to women and people in the most isolated communities. This favors a body of health workers to treat and save their own people. The organization ensured the availability of medicine and medical equipment, especially in the disease-disaster-prone areas. Oxam works to deliver immediate aid through local markets, structures, whenever possible. This contributes to support and reinforce infrastructures, local economies and ensure sustainable responses. To finish, I would like to share challenges and limitations my colleagues stressed regarding the response to crisis and conclude with a bit of advocacy. The first one is about the difficulty to reallocate funds devoted to development assistance and to struggle with persistent humanitarian issues. For instance, in Mali, the signature of the peace agreements following the conflict led to an increase of the budget allocated to the development assistance to the detriments of humanitarian actions. The issue is that actors are trying to rebuild or build in some insecure areas or areas where humanitarian crisis is ongoing, which guarantees neither the implementation nor the achievement. The last point is about the respect of donors' commitment. In addition, the recent migration crisis in Europe turns away the attention of donors and this is worrying for ongoing crisis in West Africa. For instance, the world's largest humanitarian crisis in the Lakchad Basin has had time to attract the media attention and to raise funds. Thank you.


Welcome to the 21 convention Miami, Florida 2016 and this speaker is one of the most amazing guys that I love to watch. Super, super good friend of mine man, but let me just tell you as a teacher of social dynamics for many years and watching somebody else who is such an excellent teacher but also changing his own life and grow that to me is what a leader does. I'm about to bring on stage a super cool guy hanging out with them all the time in Austin, Texas. His name is Nick Sparks and let's rock it. Hey guys, it's good to be here. I'm really, really, really excited to be here. You know I love this convention. I love getting to hang out with all the speakers, getting to talk, getting to spend some time together. I'm really excited to hang out with all of you. For any new guys, if you see me anytime this weekend, please, like you want to talk to me, you have a question, don't hesitate, say hi. That's what I'm here for all weekend. I'm just really excited and yeah, we're doing good things with speakers. So my speech today is called Why Falling in Love Sucks and I was probably more nervous about this speech than probably any other speech I've given on this stage. I've been doing this a while and I'm always nervous when I'm standing up here speaking. I don't know if that's ever going to go away but before the speech leading up to it, I was really more nervous about this one in particular. I was talking to Suck about this last night and one of the main reasons why is because all the other speeches I've given, I had rehearsed that stuff hundreds of times with guys I'd worked with, with clients, fine-tuning it, saying something different every time, seeing what works better, seeing what doesn't, seeing what's more effective. I was really insanely comfortable with that material. I did my sleep. This stuff, I've never actually delivered it all together like this, maybe a random conversation here or there but all together like this at once. So I'm not as comfortable with it. And Socrates asked me right after I said that, he asked me, well why are you doing it? Why are you delivering this speech on this topic today? And I really didn't hesitate when I answered him. The answer was because this is something that's very personal for me. I got the idea for this speech just this past January or so. And it's really not coincidental that that's the time when I came up with this speech idea because that is all the time that I had my last really not so great breakup. And this one wasn't my first breakup. We'd only been together for six months or so. By this point I'd been through this so many times. I was pretty much an expert at knowing when things were starting to get a little unhealthy, cutting it off, taking care of myself, rebounding. I could deliver a speech on that. Maybe I will. But I'd gone through that process so many times I was really good at it. But this time it really hit me particularly hard because this was already a pattern I had repeated so many times in my life. I'd like to see if anybody in here can relate to the same pattern. So I'm going to do something. I'm going to start to describe this pattern as I've experienced it. And if you can relate to it, I just want you to raise your hand. If I go on and I start talking about something that you can't relate to as much, go ahead and take your hand down. I'll try to not drag this on too long so you're not holding your hand up. So first of all, first step of the pattern.  We have this connection, we have this spark, we have this chemistry. Everything's great, right? Honeymoon phase, everything's perfect, butterflies, sunshine. I feel incredible, right? Who's been there? All right, got most of us, got most of us. Keep your hands up, keep your hands up because we're going to keep going with this. So next step, put your hand down if you can no longer relate to this pattern, right? Next step, all of a sudden things start getting kind of crappy in the relationship. Start fighting about nothing, really, arguing resentment, builds. It starts to drain you more and take more away from you, right? We've all been there. Keep your hands up if this still relates to you, great. I'm going to try to make this fast, my hand's getting tired too, right? Then comes the crappy breakup, right? Leaves you pretty low, leaves you pretty rough, hurts both people, messy situation, right?  Bad stuff happens, maybe one, one of you, both of you cheats, right? A lot of pain, a lot of suffering. We've all been there, right? Then you're low, then you've got to claw and drag yourself, build your confidence back up, brick by brick, you know, heal yourself, mend from those wounds, right? Start all over again, say, alright, I'm ready again. I'm ready to find somebody new, right? I see pretty much everybody that's done that first one is now still has their hands up. I don't think anyone who raised their hands initially put their hand down through that entire, you can put your hands down now, right? But why is that? Why did we all keep our hands up? We all fell in love, right? Like I've been taught by movies my entire life that when you fall in love, that's the happily ever after we've been all waiting for. Why is it that we still all had our hands up for the rest of the crap? Why wasn't that all of our happy ending right then and there? So I've been through this pattern more than most people, seven or eight times probably in my life, give or take. And like I said, after time, after time, you think you're going to do something different, right? I'm not going to date that kind of person again, right? I'm going to pick somebody different next time. It's not going to be like the last one. It's going to be different. And then it happens again. But okay, I learned. But now I know. Now I know differently. I'm going to do something different this time. And then it happens again. So like I said, by this last time, it really hit me hard. You start to question what's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I get this right? So like I said, this speech is is one that's very personal for me. And so here I was last January, right, seeing this pattern in my life, wanting to break it, trying different things, trying to change it. And I've got to like, there's got to be something I'm missing. There's got to be something I'm doing wrong. What is it? It had to be one thing. There was only one other thing that I hadn't looked at yet. There was one other thing that I hadn't questioned. But it couldn't be that thing. There's no way because once again, I've been told my entire life that this was the greatest thing in the universe. This was the ultimate happy ending. This was the ultimate happily ever after. It couldn't possibly be this thing, right? But I was out of options. I had nothing else left. So I started examining, right, this thing. Before we go any further, if you are reasonably intelligent, if you have like, if you have a logical brain whatsoever right now, you're probably looking at me or you should be looking at me and asking yourself, Nick, you clearly have not had the most ideal relationship history. I think you've made that point abundantly clear.  That's a good question. It's really tough for me to fault that logic right there. Not claiming to be a relationship expert. However, as I mentioned, I've been through this process more than most people. I've been through the pain. I've been through the hurt. I've been through all of that more than most people. So I may not know better than anyone what to do. But however, I know better than most people what not to do. I'm basically an expert on what not to do when it comes to relationships. So we're also going to be talking about the things to do because I've done a lot of research on that. But I'm standing up here today because if you can take something from my experience, if you can go through half the painful experiences that I've been through and hurt half of the amount of people in turn as I have, I feel pretty happy about where this is all going. So we're going to go ahead and move on to talk about this whole phenomenon of love.  What is this thing that we're talking about that sucks? Before we even jump further, I want a minute to define what is this thing? When I say falling in love sucks, what do I mean specifically? What is this falling in love phenomenon? You may recall from your middle school social studies books that the Greeks had three different words for love. Anybody recall that? Middle school social studies? Yeah, right? You had friendly love.


So, it's an interesting topic, but I do think that the sort of ethical issues, I mean really important ones here, are only different ball parts. And of course, you know, the whole definition of training psychotherapists is around learning opportunities and how can a person learn to be a psychotherapist if they don't sort of learn by experience. And with that may come some so-called mistakes. The most important is how you handle it afterwards. Definitely, I agree. And the other, you know, take away all learning from this podcast episode if anybody's interested in, you know, what I take away from this podcast is not to Google things. Because that list that you came up with of the 10 things, you know what I mean? I suppose it's a good starting point, but I often say, I say it quite a lot with my clients as well, is step away from Google. Google is not good. We demystify what goes on behind the therapy room door. Join us on this voyage of discovery and co-creative conversations. This is The Therapy Show, behind closed doors podcast with Bob Cook and Jackie Jones. Welcome back to episode 85 with myself, Jackie Jones, and the wonderful Bob Cook to The Therapy Show behind closed doors. And what we're going to be talking about this week, Bob, is making mistakes in the therapy process. I'm glad I brought my cup of tea up. I know the people who haven't got the podcast won't be able to see it, but people who haven't got the podcast but are watching me on audio on my channel can see the cup of tea. So I'm glad I've done that. Oh, well, you know, this title, I only knew recently, I forgot when it was, when this would be the title. So I like to talk a lot in this podcast about how you repair ruptures in the psychotherapy process. Yes. See, I think mistakes or learning experiences and even can be seen as gifts. It's how you handle the ruptures in the psychotherapy program process, which is most important. But anyway, I thought I'd just put mistakes into psychotherapy to Google. And as many, many references to sort of five therapeutic mistakes, common counselling mistakes. So anyway, I just read, I just picked the 10 here from psychology today. I'll just read them out. Right. Number one, they've got forgetting the important players in the client's life. Okay. It's crucial for therapists to take careful notes, following sessions, which include recording the names of significant others in the client's story, confusing the name of the client's ex husband and current partner in the midst of the therapeutic journey is not acceptable. It's very apparent, isn't it? It is, but it's very true. Well, I'd like to say something about it in a minute. The therapist should be immersed in the story. Okay. Now, let's, all these number one to time are very parent-led about should this and should that and should not. I think that most therapists, counsellors, God, the sort of type of memory they've got, actually, is to actually remember the narratives of the story and, you know, and may or may not sometimes in the process forget some of the players, players is the wrong one. Some of the major key factors in the client's story and even might forget their name or even give a, give another name. But you see, it's not so much that. I mean, that may cause the rupture in the psychotherapy process. I feel I'm going to be saying this many times, what I'm going to say now. It's how you handle the rupture. Yeah. It's not so much that you're forgetting is the problem. I mean, okay, a person, I was in therapy myself. So if my therapist forgot my wife's name or something, okay, I might be momentarily hurt if you want to put that way. However, how the therapist handles it, which is the next step. So for example, if they say, oh, sorry, or some sort of apology or some sort of accounting for the hurting course me if it did. Yeah. That's the most important thing. Yeah. Because then I think all these ruptures I'm going to talk about, or we're talking about here, if we want to call the mistakes, can be dealt with. And then most of them can be dealt with by accounting for the inadvertent common first forgetfulness or accounting for the whatever, because you know the other way to look at this. I'm sure you're going to have a lot of thoughts on this, which may even be different from mine. But an average therapist, an average one to see works five days a week, might have 20 clients a week. Yeah. You might have on their books. Let's say 20. Let's just say that I know clients have that is that many more. And if they're working relationally over time with a client. You know, they've got a lot to remember. They usually remember the emotional stories. But somebody who just comes for the first time. They may not remember. And also there could be a lot of transferential issues in this where say the client doesn't remind them of their mother or something like that. So unconsciously, they may forgot to forget the inadvertent commerce mother's name or have you want to look at it. The most important thing, I think, is how they handle the so-called rupture. Yeah. To acknowledge it. Yeah. Because diapers aren't perfect. God, no. Even more so. You know, I'm of a certain age where men are both in one thing and another. It's like, you do have brain fog every so often. And it's like that name is just not in my brain at all today. Yeah. I was astonished. I'm going to read a few more. How almost every so-called mistake the psychological today list is. It's very parent. They should be doing this. They shouldn't be doing this. Yeah. I sort of have some resistance in the word should. I think it's a big band from. Yeah. I don't think they're prescribed of their way to hurt their clients or whatever it is. I'm going to be reading out in a moment. By far the most important thing is how they then deal with that. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And like I said, just acknowledging that you've forgotten or a mistake rather than trying to, you know, pussyfoot around it or avoid the situation or whatever. Yeah. That's one thing. Yeah. It's not even just the clients and the partner. They've got, you know, three kids as well that they often talk about. And, you know, if you have 20 clients for every one of those clients, there's probably five or six important people in that person's life. So you're talking over 100 names that you've got to try and pull out of the bank sometimes. And remember, and I don't want to excuse that was here, but the second point I want to say in this how we deal ruptures process is besides apologizing or accounting for the so-called rupture is imperative. I think the therapist then goes on to say something like, and is this familiar for you? In other words, is it familiar for you that people have disappointed you? Yeah. Or is it familiar in your life that you feel you felt discounted? So they use the, if you want to call this mistake, but I'm going to say mistake always with inverted commas, to inquire about somebody's past and script. Yeah.  It's like, is it familiar for you to be disappointed in the way that you feel disappointed at me now? Yeah. Because in a way, no disrespect to all the therapists and counselors listening to this. They're not the most important people. Most important people are the people in the person's history who have continually in a cumulative way disappointed or hurt them. And it's a good opening for exploration around all of that in the therapy room. Yeah. He must have surely that the many, you know, others mistakes, which is whatever we're going to call this. He would have followed this through and say, well, I assume you both could, you know, and is this a repetitive process? Have you felt this way before? Yeah. And it's like you say it's about using it as an opportunity to explore it. Yeah. It's a gift. It is. Because I know, you know, some of the people listening that are quite new to it don't want to make mistakes, but we are only human and we will make mistakes in the therapy room. There's no doubt about it. Impossible. And over the years, I've trained many, many people do psychotherapists as you know. And I can say universally that one of the themes of the beginning therapist go on placements. They then go into supervision. And one of the central themes is the very early therapist or trainee therapist believes they have to be perfect. Yeah. They have to get it right. Yeah. They can get it wrong. And the problem with that process is too, it's a very hard narrative on yourself. Yeah. But it also buys into a system for the client. In other words, the other person can't be vulnerable. They can't make mistakes. They can't have failures. All the things they probably tell themselves often. Yeah. And it's not right for us to be put on a pedestal really. No. No. No. Well, you know, that's correct. And unfortunately it's the most common thing that happens. Yeah. I say unfortunately, because there's a fortunate part about it, we can use the idealising transfers to actually support the relationship and build on the process. But the other side of it, of course, as the most people come into therapy, have what I call Father Christmas process, which is that they're there to fix them. Yeah. And they cannot not be perfect. Which is a heavy burden to carry. It's an impossible, impossible burden to carry. You might want to use it and think about in terms of idealising transfers to make for a supportive relationship. And it's an impossible one. And of course, it's the internal, internal critic in their own heads, which is tell themselves off even twice as hard as their external reference. Yeah. Because in their heads, they probably carry a very vicious internal critic, which is telling them they can't be a failure.  They can't get things wrong.  If they're not getting nine out of 10 or 10 out of 10 in anything in their lives. It's the it's the critic they carry, which minds them of the father or the mother and the younger self comes home and gets nine out of 10 for the maths or nine 10 for the history. And the father says, well, where did you get? Where's the other one gone? You know, it's not the one that you didn't get. Yeah. It's that internal critic they carry with them. Yeah. Yeah. And again, I think it's my stuff. But there's something for me that I always feel uncomfortable about being thought of or referred to as an expert. Oh, yes. And and nine out of 10 people who come to see therapists. This is what I call to Father Christmas. Expect the therapist to fix them. Yeah. And therefore they project that the therapist is the expert. Yeah. That's the hidden Father Christmas process. You know, for most clients to come in through the room. And I think it's a really good topic and a really good, you know, conversation and exploration about the hidden things that are in the therapy room. That will be a great podcast. But this is one. Yeah. Right. Great podcast. And the Father Christmas process is extraordinarily powerful. Yeah. And when you say, you know, it's maybe something to do with the bad expert. Well, it may or may not be. But I know that projection is going to come your way. Yeah. The therapist. And of course, what also will come its way eventually is the disappointment. Yeah. When you fall. When they realise that you're not all that they thought you were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And, you know, I'm not sure whether I mentioned this in past podcast or not, but that happened with my supervisor. They fell off the pedestal. And I can remember it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realised that they weren't perfect. They can't be perfect. Yeah. Because there's no such thing. They set themselves up to fail. Anybody who goes through that whole process of attempting to be perfect is always setting themselves up to fail. Yeah. Because there isn't such a thing. Certainly not a perfect therapist anyway. So what's number two on the list? Oh, yes. They're mostly going to be should do this and should do that. That's what I'm saying. Doesn't. You know, anyway, number two. Not being attuned to the client's feelings and mislabelling them. Oh, I'm suggesting, for example, that the client is angry when they are sad is an empathic failure. It's crucial to listen very carefully prior to labelling a feeling. The therapist's role is to join the client and utilise the client's input to then label the feeling. A rush to labelling is a problem. Patients and being in the moment should be part of a good therapist's repertoire. Well, that told us. I mean, what they're talking about really is how important it is for a client to attune. Yeah. Number one, to attune to the client's process. Yeah. Secondly, which I agree both of these things want to say, not making assumptions. Yeah. Thirdly, not defining a person in terms of feelings or labelling or whatever it is. Yeah. I'll say again, that may happen. The bit that's really important is what the therapist does after they've made this so-called mistake. Yeah. And of course, if they can account for the rupture and then say, and in your history, the people who haven't listened to you or you felt defined by or misled by, you know, how about tell me a little bit about that. Yeah. That's the bit the therapist needs to go down. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, that second one, as well as the first one, it does sound very, you know, I don't know, just like you say, it's parental. It's very scripted and this is what you should do and this is what you shouldn't do. Yeah. Having led. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.  Because we've all got racket behaviors and we cover up things. We can't be feeling one thing, but we're presenting a different way. So again, there's lots of things that go on, you know, internally that we're not aware of. So it's about inquiring about things. You look this way. Is that what's actually going on type of thing? Correct. Absolutely correct. Yeah. I think that I'm going to take the word should out here, but I think it takes a long time to talk about there to train the therapist to move away from assumptions. Yeah. It's a very valid point, but it's not going to be done overnight. No. Because humans think of assumptions all the time. Yeah. I don't, I don't know whether it was in your training or, you know, somebody else's training, but it was mentioned to me about think alien. Literally. You know, we do have preconceived ideas about certain things and certain behaviors, whereas if we think alien, then we can inquire what's actually going on. Yeah. Think Martian. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And it's what Eric Byrne advised in, I don't know which book it is. I probably, I would think it's a script book, which is what they have to say in 1969. I think Martian. Yeah. And I use that a lot. I do because I'll get that instant thought or assumption in my mind. And then it's like, well, maybe that's not what's going on. Yeah. It's far, far best to do what you've just said. I had a big role with my cup of tea. Oh, that's not good. I leave all the talking to you now. Seriously, I think inquiry is the way forward. Yeah. Definitely. Number three or four. Number three or four. Go for it. I'm interested in checking out. Yeah. So I've heard this one frequently. I'm very saddened by it. I've heard several clients describe that this. So it appeared to. Checked out and even fallen asleep during the session. Oh my God. I've never done that. Oh God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've got a very good odd podcast, but the victim as well. Must have gone down the wrong way. Have you, have you ever pulled asleep? Checked out being bored or anything like that? Um, I haven't fallen asleep. And I wouldn't say that I've checked out, but possibly being bored. Sometimes. Yeah. Being completely honest and authentic about things. Yeah. be attuned to clients and pay attention to clients. Again, you need to follow that up by using it in terms of person's history. But you know, I would also like to talk about transplants in all this lot. And that is, if the client expects the other, or they've had it in their history, where their father, mother, important other people have checked out, not paid attention to them or neglected them, they will project those expected responses onto the therapist. Yeah. I think, for me, the times where I have sort of got bored is when I feel like they're deflecting, they're giving me too much information about a story, rather than actually getting to the point of things. There's lots of stuff to fluff it up and yeah, I don't know whether it's killing time somehow. You see, I think most of what happens when a co-created, in a co-created relationship with the therapist card is transplants from. Yeah. But I will actually say to them, maybe not necessarily I'm bored with the story, but I will say there's an awful lot of information that you're giving me that I'm not sure is relevant to what we were talking about and kind of pull them back into it somehow. Yeah. And if they've had, yeah, I agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. So I've definitely not fallen for it. Yeah. Next one on this list.  Well, that's easier said than done. Yeah, that's transplants and countertransplants, isn't it? That's part of the relationship, but it's being aware of it again. And, you know, if there is a rupture, using that as part of the process. Yeah. And also, you know, a lot, what we're talking about here in terms of transplants is unconscious phenomena. Yeah. So the therapist often isn't aware of it, or if they do become aware of it, they need to take the supervision then to therapist, you know, their own therapy. Yeah. Therapist. Yeah. Because of course it's not useful. So this is where the BACP, I know they're regulating bodies, but I'm picking on the BACP because I want to, who actually don't have a requirement for their counsellors to go to therapy. Yeah. And, you know, this is what we're talking about here is a really, you know, important for people to go and look at their own transplants. Yeah. Because otherwise, they could do this all time. Yeah. I think it's also worth mentioning as well that, you know, we have a life outside of the therapy room and things happen to us, you know, the life events and things like that, that we wouldn't be human if we didn't take some of that into the therapy room with us. Yeah. I still, yes, I agree completely with you. And I think it's the duty, a duty of therapists and counsellors to have their own therapy. Yeah. So that we can work for our own things rather than constantly taking it in the therapy room with us. Yeah. Because it's a really, if we don't do that, it's a really hard ask, actually. Yeah. Because we're not aware of it. Yeah. In the UK, CP is 160 hours. They have to do 40 hours a year. I've been, I've been in therapy, I was in therapy almost the duration of my 36 year of career. So I saw it as a sort of real sort of, I would say a real duty along, it's part of the job. Now I'm not suggesting, you know, to anybody listening, they have to be in therapy or access to therapy for all of their career. But I am suggesting that they need to have a good stint of therapy. I think the UK CP would say 40 therapy hours a year is quite good, 160 hours through training. It gives you a, it gives the therapist a chance to actually reflect on their own script. Yeah. And it would help stop or at least minimize the therapist projecting their own issues on a client. Yeah. I also think it's quite helpful for the client to maybe be aware that we've also experienced therapy. Yeah. It's kind of like having a baby and you find out that the midwife has never had kids. It's like you don't know what this feels like. You haven't experienced it firsthand. No, that's, it's very important. And so that's, that was another one, another one after this Psychology Today magazine. Therapists should talk about themselves too much. In other words, what they're really talking about is bringing their own ego into the therapy room. And, you know, the problem with that is if a client, if a therapist does that too much, they take away the opportunity for the client to talk, to talk, to talk about their own story, number one. And secondly, they've probably, the client again, has probably had a history of significant other people defining them all. Yeah. I think you said that. Did you, when you were seeing clients, did you do a checking? In group always. Checking. Yeah. Some therapists do just take five minutes to do a quick checking what the client's been up to and what you've been up to as a, you know, a start off to the therapy session and others don't. Oh, I have heard of therapists who, this is individually, who have said, okay, what you've been doing over the week in terms of getting some continuity from session to session. I've not heard of though, a therapist talking about what they've been doing for the week. Okay. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Yeah. I suspect in the so-called relational therapy term that we've had where relationship is key to, that I can see that, I can, my fantasy is I can imagine that that happening. Yeah. It's not one I, I'll go and prepare for, but not so, it's not one I approve of. I've not done it personally, but I've had it done with me. Where therapists are talking about what they've been doing through the week. Yeah. Why? I'm sorry, what's the clinical thinking behind that? I've no idea, but I did. I can remember thinking at the time, I'm paying for this time and you're using it up telling me about what you've done. Yes. Yeah. That was how I felt as the client. Absolutely. I haven't heard that clinical, I'd like to know the clinical thought behind that, if a therapist is going to talk about, well, I've been to Manchester City and I really enjoyed that and I went cooking with my friend and on Thursday we did this and then Friday I played with my sister. I mean, yeah. What's the clinical thought? I didn't understand it, but I do, I do get to check in with the client about how their week's been. I think that's different. Yeah. Yeah. Because they, you know, clinical thought could be saying you're providing a re-corrective experience, you're providing an accounting for continuity, you are, there's lots of clinical reasons to support, check in with the client's experience. I just can't think of anything the other way around. No, you need it. It doesn't mean it isn't. But getting back, yeah, it's one of the constant, we'll call it mistakes for therapists, I think, is to bring their ego into the room to the extent where shadows apply. I don't think that's useful. No. Because it's usually a repeat of history. Yeah. I'm not somebody who believes going the other way either completely the other way, whether you don't speak. So I think congruence is the best step here. Yes. And I think what you mentioned earlier and you mentioned it pretty much in every podcast as well is what is the therapeutic point of doing it? What, you know what I mean, what are you hoping for by doing that? Yeah. I know it's a treatment plan sort of thing. Yeah. Because I think, I think I probably do say the most podcast. But it's a very valuable thing and it's something that we do need to keep in our mind. You know, how is this going to serve the client? That's right. And I do it a lot in supervision, of course, which is promoting the therapist to think about clinical reasons. Yeah. So I'm not going to go on on, but I might mention another couple answering the phone. Oh, yeah, that's what you're falling off. Don't even have it in the room for goodness sake. That's made me cough even more. Yeah. Have you ever done that? No, no. I didn't have my phone in the room with me. And, you know, if there was an emergency, they would have to wait for the hour until I got the call. Yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah. No, seriously, it's unbelievable, isn't it? Yeah. I can just about getting my head round if there's a real emergency. I don't know, like a client, yeah, a therapist came and said, oh, I did ask the phone because, you know, my doctor was phoning and if I didn't take the appointment, da, da, da. So I can just back up my head round that if the therapist at the beginning of the session are contracted for that. Yeah. Yeah. And it only lasted a couple of minutes. Yeah. But even then that feels uncomfortable for me. But yes, I agree. In certain situations, maybe it's a necessity, but yeah. Because that's that safe space. And, you know, yeah, it doesn't feel right for me that at all. No. It's a bit in the line. It's more, I was going to say, it's a bit in the same ballpark for my sake, taking extensive notes. Yeah. Yeah. And losing eye contact and losing the connection while you're writing your notes down and things. Yeah. But I think it's worse just this whole process about answering your mobile phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's laughable. I'm surprised that's even in there. That's a bit obvious.  But I think it's really important to ask how the client feels. I understand the repetitiveness might take away from the actual process. But I think I'll move away from all these because I think about this is there are so many things that are transferential by nature. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, like you said earlier on, the thing to focus on is the rupture that it potentially can cause and how we use that as a gift in the therapy room. Because we will make mistakes. There is no, you know, we need to resign ourselves to the fact that we're not perfect. And we don't want to model perfection either. I think it's a difference difference between makes mistakes or ruptures and unethical behavior. Yes. Yeah. Now, okay, there's a gray area there. I understand that. But, you know, mistakes can become learning opportunities and gifts. Yeah. If we're talking about, you know, ethical discrepancies, I think is a different world. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, as a parent, that's one of the things that I used to instill in my children that it's a learning opportunity making a mistake. You know, if we get something wrong, it's an opportunity to learn how we can do better. Yeah. So it's an interesting topic, but I do think that the sort of ethical issues, I mean, really important ones here, are in a different ballpark. And of course, you know, the whole definition of training psychotherapists is around learning opportunities and how can a person learn to be a psychotherapist if they don't sort of learn by experience. And with that may come some so-called mistakes. Yeah. The most important is how you handle it afterwards. Definitely. I agree. And the other, you know, takeaway or learning from this podcast episode, if anybody's interested in, you know, what I take away from this podcast is not to Google things. Yeah. Because that list that you came up with of the 10 things, you know what I mean? I suppose it's a good starting point, but I often say, I say it quite a lot with my clients as well, is step away from Google. Google is not good. It's, you know, it's terrible. Yeah. It can be useful in some situations, but in most it's not very helpful at all. Most of the people I've ever tried to be there have such a high internal critic in themselves. Yeah. That they're always telling themselves off. Yeah. You know, I'm always dealing with that internal critic. So I'm always teaching about compassion. Yeah. Self-love. Yeah. And, you know, see these things as learning opportunities. Yeah. How we handle them. Yeah. Which is an important thing to talk about in supervision. Definitely. So I've really enjoyed this podcast, Bob. And I, you know, I know we've had a laugh during it, but, you know, that's another learning opportunity, not what the therapist is talking about. It's interesting. Certainly, I must apologize for everybody listening to my sudden attack of cough and I think it's the fig roll that I had just before.  Definitely. That's a learning takeaway from this as well. Yeah. No Google and no fig rolls. Until next time, Bob, what we're going to be looking at is how to work with the younger self in therapy, which I know we've touched on. You touch on this in a lot of, but we're going to be focusing on that. Yeah. But a lot of therapy, of course, is how you work with the younger self. Yeah. Yeah. Okie dokie. Until next time, Bob. Thank you. Bye. Take care. You've been listening to the therapy show behind closed doors podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. We'll be back next week with another episode.


Thank you. Good morning. Welcome to the first meeting in 2018 of the Rural Economy and Connectivity Committee. I ask members and all those present pleased to ensure that mobile phones are on silent. No apologies have been received for the meeting. The first issue on the agenda is a declaration of interest. I need to welcome Colin Smyth, a member of the South of Scotland to the committee. Colin is replacing rhoda-g Agreade. y byddafol? Are there any declarations of interests that you would like to declare to the committee? The only interests that may be relevant are volunteer declarations on my register, if you are the Member of the JNB union, of the Riot signed the union, and of the volunteer chair for a campaign group for a railway station at Eastrands. Thank you. Before I leave the subject order, I would like to record officially the committee's thanks to Raid a Grant on all the work that she put in to the committee. She attended yn cerddyn nhw, ac yn arlo'r gyd yn deilio'r bysiau i'w eu chyfeddoriaeth a'i gyd yn fawr i'r bysiau i'w chyfeddoriaeth i'w cyfraith sy'n cyngorol, ac i gaelch nhw'r bysiau i'w cyfr monsieur i'u cyfrifiad ym boards ar gyfer y gallu gyd yn ôl. Ond, byddwch chi'n chyfeddoriaeth y cyfrifiad iddynt mynd i'w aches i gael, ac byddwch chi'n cerddoriaeth y bydwch chi'n gyd yn bobl ddod ag yn cyffredinol. which is decision on taking business in private? I would like to ask the committee whether it would consider taking an item on post-legitim scrutiny in private at a future meeting. Do members have any views on that? Stewart, you have views on that. Thank you, convener. I think on this occasion we are not affecting the interests of individuals, I think, in any discussion we have on this subject, nor do I foresee that this will be a particularly party-driven issue. On this occasion, it will give greater credibility to items when we do take them in private that we take this one in public and allow people who watch the activities of the community to see our discussions on this subject, which I think will be a pretty matter of fact in any event, convener. The committee is always minded to take things in public when it can. Unless I hear any dissenting voices that we should agree that we should take this matter in public at the future meeting when it comes back, are all members agreed? We are agreed. Thank you. The committee now, however, will move into private session to consider items 3 and 4.


for dinner. My name is Andrea. We are doing some traveling this week and so we're just going to and we are getting ready to stop here for lunch. So let's go in. So let me show you what we are having.  We've got some cabbage and we've got some fried plantain. So this is what we are having for lunch today. Hey guys, we are eating at a new restaurant for lunch and this is Howard's plate. He is having the egg salad on sourdough with some chips and I am having a lunch special. I'm having quiche lorraine with creamy basil soup. So this is what we are having for lunch today and we'll see you guys next time. Hey guys, I just want to show you what I am making for dinner tonight. But first I want to apologize because I told you when we went on our road trip for my cousin's wedding that I was going to record all the meals. Well, I forgot. I got caught up with my family and just visiting and talking with them. Totally forgot to record the rehearsal dinner, the wedding dinner. I forgot everything. So decided I would show you guys what I am making tonight which is the beefy riceroni casserole. And it is so easy to make. So in my skillet I am browning a little over a pound of ground beef. And in this skillet I am preparing some beef riceroni. Here it is according to package directions. This is such a simple recipe. Let me stir it up to start to burn a little bit. This is such a simple recipe. All it calls for is the riceroni and the ground beef. Of course if you prefer turkey you can use that. And then you'll also need a can of cream of soup. Now I prefer cream of mushroom but I don't have that. I have the cream of mushroom, cream of chicken mixture. You'll also need some french fried onions and some cheese. So I'm going to let this cook up and then I will show you next steps.  So all I'm going to do is add my ground beef to this riceroni.  So I've got it in there and let me move the handle around. There you go. Got it in there as you can see. And all I'm going to do is add in one can of cream of soup. Now like I said I would have preferred cream of mushroom. I don't have any cream of mushroom. So I'm just going to use this cream of chicken cream of mushroom instead. I'm just going to stir this together. Okay so I have mixed this the best that I can. To the mixture I'm going to add about half a cup of french fried onions. And you can add more if you'd like more but I'm going to add about half a cup. And again I'm going to stir this in. And at this point if you want to you can add cheddar cheese to the mixture. Now I like to add mine on top of the casserole. Okay so I've got my onions incorporated. And I am going to pour this mixture into a lightly greased 11 I'm sorry 13 by 9 pan. And then I'm going to top it with one cup of cheddar cheese. And then the rest of the french fried onions. I've got my oven preheated to or preheating I should say to 350. And then I'm just going to bake this for about half an hour or until the onions are nice and golden. And when it's finished I will bring it out and show you guys the finished results. Okay so here is the casserole before I put it in the oven. And I did end up adding about a half a cup more of the french fried onions to this because I want a little bit more onions. And then here's my cheese of course sprinkled on top. And I added about a cup of cheese. If you like cheese more than that go ahead and knock yourself out at as much as you want. The cheese that I am using is Tillamook right here. Sharp cheddar cheese. This farm style thick cut and it's really really good. So again I'm going to pop this in the oven for about half an hour or until those french fried onions right there start to crisp up and brown. And then I'll show you what it looks like when I take it out of the oven. So here is the casserole and it's all plated up for you. And it is so good. Like I said it's simple and delicious. And we are having salads with the casserole. And I am using this Annie's dressing which I use all the time. And I've showed it a million times. I love this stuff. And Howard is going to have the Hidden Valley Bacon Ranch. So this is what we are having for dinner tonight. I will make sure to link the recipe in the description box. And we will see you guys next time. Hey guys it is a beautiful day here in Texas and Howard is grilling out for us. We've got some pork steaks on the grill. Say hello Howard. Hello Howard. Here they are in the backyard of course. They should be done a little bit. I'm starving. And here's the backyard. We never really hang out back here much. Me because I don't really like bugs. And we have bobcats and what else? Is it coyotes? Coyotes. Yeah bobcats and coyotes. And rabbits. And rabbits. And we back up on a is that a greenway? Green belt greenway. I don't know. Anyway there's not a house behind us.  So Howard is going to finish up with these pork steaks. And he also made some sauteed broccoli. And I am making a side dish. And I'll show you our plates once everything's finished. Okay so here is the pork steak hot off the grill. And for our side we are having norselex white cheddar broccoli rice. Howard and I tried it and we both thought it was really really good. And you make it with milk. So it's really kind of creamy. So here it is. And then here is the stir-fried broccoli that I told you guys at Howard made. So this is it. This is what we are having for dinner tonight. And we'll see you guys next time. Hey so for dinner tonight I am having Papa John's pizza. It is a small pizza with sausage and onion. And a little banana pepper. Kind of scraggly looking. Banana pepper and some hot wings. Howard is going out to eat tonight with some guys from the church. So he'll be eating wings. And I will be at home catching up on my TV shows and having some pizza and wings. So I'll see you guys next time.


Hello, my name is Philip Campbell, and I am the author of Story of Civilization, and I want to thank you for joining me on what promises to be a fascinating journey through the Middle Ages, over a thousand years of history that's going to take us through one of the most colorful periods of human history. Now, in Volume 1, we began with the earliest civilizations of Egypt, Mesopotamia, and the Near East. We saw the origin of writing, building, and many other of the accomplishments that make civilization possible. We saw pagan civilization reach its height with the glory of ancient Greece and Rome, and then in the fullness of time, the coming of the Son of God to bring the world out of darkness and into the light of the gospel. History is a story. It's one long tale. In Book 1, we looked at the first part of the tale, and in Book 2, we're going to move on to the next part. Have you ever noticed that great stories are always told in stages? Compare Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings. They're typically told in different parts. Volume 2 picks up after the Edict of Milan, when the Christian Emperor Constantine had legalized Christianity. This is the beginning of what we call Christendom, a period lasting over a thousand years when the Christian faith formed the basis of society. We're going to learn a lot of fun things in this book. We're going to talk about knights, castles, crusades, saints like Benedict, Patrick, Catherine of Siena. We're going to learn about medieval law, customs, the lives and deeds of kings, battles, and even the daily life of peasants. So let's begin. Chapter 1 begins talking about how Christian Europe grew out of the Roman Empire.  Things that come from other things tend to have a resemblance, and just like kids look like parents, Christian Europe resembled the Roman Empire in some ways. Early Christianity existed within the Roman Empire, but gradually, as Christianity became the dominant religion, it inherited the laws and culture of Rome. It remained very much the same at first, just like a young child is very much dependent on its parent. But eventually things changed. The Gospel took the clay of those old pagan institutions and molded it in the image of the faith, and the result was Christendom. Christendom refers to the time and place where society was based on the teachings of Jesus Christ. This story is largely about Christendom. It's origins, growth, and full maturity. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Our story starts when we still had just the Roman Empire. The year was 313, and the Empire was still split into eastern and western halves. The Christian Emperor Constantine in the west, and the pagan Emperor Lysinius in the east. The two had made a peace treaty after Constantine's victory at the Milvian Bridge, which we learned about at the end of Book 1. But they didn't really get along well after that, and they certainly didn't trust each other. They kept on invading each other's territory and bickering until finally Constantine marched east and got rid of him in the year 324, at which point Constantine became the sole ruler of the Roman Empire. How did things begin to change under Constantine? Constantine was the first Christian Emperor, and under his rule many things began to develop. He patronized the building of many churches, many splendid churches, the biggest of which were called Basilicas. A basilica is any very large or important church, and many basilicas from the time of Constantine still survive today. He also passed laws trying to instill society with a Christian ethic, for example laws forbidding gladiatorial fights and other laws that improved the treatment of slaves. He wanted the Empire's laws in as much as was possible to be based on the Gospel. But the biggest change under Constantine was the moving of the capital city from Rome to Byzantium on the Helispont, which is the point where Europe and Asia meet each other. This was right where east met the west. And he changed the name of the city from Byzantium to Constantinople, which means city of Constantine. Constantinople was founded in the year 330, and he wanted his new capital to be comparable to old Rome. Outside of the Coliseum he built a hippodrome, which is a massive track for chariot racing. It had its own senate, its own monuments, its own churches, and once Constantine set up his court there, most of the important people in the Empire flocked to Constantinople to be close to the imperial court, which was the seat of power. Now this new era was not without its challenges. Yes, Christianity was rising and becoming the dominant religion in the Empire, but with its rise it brought about the spread of heresies. Now heresy is defined as the abstinent denial of some aspect of the Catholic faith. In Constantine's time, the most popular heresy was Arianism. Arianism was named for a priest called Arius, who taught that Jesus was not divine. He was exalted, he was powerful, almost like a great angel, but he was not equal with God, he was not divine. This caused turmoil throughout the church, and there was such confusion that the Emperor Constantine had to call the first ecumenical council at Nicaea. An ecumenical council is when bishops from the Universal Church in Union with the Pope all gather together in a meeting to discuss matters of doctrine and discipline. The council examined the teachings of Arius and declared that he was wrong. The council taught that Jesus was divine and Arius was condemned. The most memorable part of the council was the Nicene Creed, which was a statement of faith, belief in Jesus' divinity, which you probably recognize that we recite every Sunday at Mass. After Constantine's death, there was rivalry amongst his heirs. Eventually his nephew, Julian, came to the throne in 361. Now, Julian's an interesting character. He was raised as a Christian, but after he became Emperor, he abandoned Christianity and returned to paganism. And for that reason, he's known as Julian the Apostate. An apostate is someone who had embraced Christianity but subsequently abandons it. Julian forbid Christians from becoming teachers. He rebuilt the pagan temples. He wrote philosophical books against Christianity, tried to do anything he could to stall the growth of the church. But it didn't have much effect. He ended up dying in battle two years later and was the last pagan leader of the Roman Empire. Not that Christian emperors couldn't give the church a hard time too. For example, Emperor Theodosius, he reigned from the years 379 to 395. He was a very zealous Christian, but he had a bad temper. One time after one of his officials was killed in the city of Thessalonica, he got angry and ordered his soldiers to slaughter 7,000 people of the city in order to teach them a lesson. Now, we actually talk about this in the book. In chapter one, there's a story about Theodosius' deed and his conflict with Bishop Ambrose. Ambrose of Milan was one of the most eminent churchmen of the day. And when he heard of this massacre, he forbid Theodosius from entering the church until he repented. Theodosius tried to come to church and Ambrose literally blocked the door. When Theodosius saw that his actions had put him outside the communion of the church, he eventually repented of his deeds and was reconciled. By the time of Theodosius, the majority of the Roman Empire was Christian. Theodosius and his successors passed laws making Christianity the official religion of the Empire. And the pagan cults, the old pagan sacrifices were outlawed. And so by about the year 400, you have the formal establishment of Christianity as the legal official religion of the Roman Empire. So the church was growing, things were looking great. As for the Roman Empire itself, things are not looking so great. In our next chapter, we're going to look at the end of the Roman world as it succumbs to attacks by Visigoths and other barbarians. Christian civilization was dawning, but the Roman world was crumbling. So stay tuned. In our next chapter, we are going to talk about the collapse of the Roman Empire.


Hi, and welcome to the session. Let us discuss the following question that question says in how many of the distinct permutations of the letters N Mississippi To the four eyes not come together Before solving this question, you should first reverse with theorem 4 given in your NCRT book theorem 4 states that the number of permutations of N objects of even objects are of one kind two are of second kind so on pk are of k kind pictorial into p to pictorial so on pk pictorial The knowledge of this theorem is the key idea in this question Let's now begin with the solution In this question, we have to find number of permutations of the letters and Mississippi where the four eyes not come together now the letters of Mississippi are in the word Mississippi Out of these 11 letters appears 4 times so appears 4 times P appears 2 times and the rest are all different but you're a 4 which we have learned in key idea number of permutations of 11 different letters equal to 11 factorial upon 4 factorial into 4 factorial into 2 factorial Now these permutations Include those words come together and we will find permutations for words where four eyes come together and then we will subtract This number of permutations from total number of Permutations that is number of permutation of 11 different letters So let's now first find the number of permutations for words where four eyes come together Now what we will do we will take four eyes as As one unit that is I I I Now this unit Fills one place seven letters Fill the remaining seven places. So now We will have eight letters I Plus seven letters appears four times and P appears two times are all different theorem for number of Permutations Treated as one unit is equal to 8 factorial upon 4 factorial into 2 factorial Subtract number of permutation when four eyes are treated as one unit from the total number of permutations So required number of permutations is equal to factorial upon 4 factorial into 4 factorial into 2 factorial Minus 8 factorial upon 4 factorial into 2 factorial Now this is equal to 11 into 10 into 9 into 8 into 7 into 6 into 5 into 4 factorial upon 4 factorial into 4 into 3 into 2 into 1 into 2 into 1 Minus 8 into 7 into 6 into 5 into 4 Now this is equal to 11 into 10 into 9 into 7 into 5 minus 4 into 7 into 6 into 5 and this is equal to 34650 minus 840 and this is equal to 33810. Hence our required answer is 33810. This completes the session. Bye and take care.


Check out this cool YouTube video. I found here's a coil that is connected to some power supply So there'll be current running over here But there's a second coil which is not connected to any power supply or any batteries It is just connected to a bulb. Now look at what happens when it brings this closer to the first coil It lights up even though there is no connection between these two look at that it lights up Wow How is that happening Now although it doesn't look so dramatic if you think about it We're having a wireless power transfer electricity transfer from one coil to another There is no connection between them and the idea is the same in wireless charging phones as a wireless power transfer happening So how is the electricity able to jump from one wire and enter into another wire when there is no contact? Let's find out. So here's the same setup. There is a current that's running through one of the coils Let's call that as coil one and let's call that current I one and everything related to this coil Let's keep it blue so that we can differentiate between the two coils And so because some and because of this somehow the bulb is lighting up in the second coil. How is that happening? So let's think about this We know now that the current in the first coil generates a magnetic field in the first coil But what's important is that this current is changing. It's continuously changing its direction Its strength is changing which means the magnetic field that it's producing is also changing It's fluctuating and we know from Faraday's law that a changing magnetic flux Induces an emf and so what's gonna happen? There are a couple of things that are gonna happen one thing that's gonna happen is that this coil itself will oppose the change in the flux And therefore we say that the coil itself Opposes the change in its own current This idea is what we call self induction because the opposition is happening to the same coil So there's an emf induced in this coil due to the change in its own current self induction however This time what's happening in this experiment is that this field Generated by the first coil is also seen by the second coil It's also linked with the second coil as you can see and Therefore if the field is changing the flux through the second coil is also changing Whoo, this means there will be an emf induced in the second coil as well So let's write that there will be an emf induced in The second coil due to what due to changing current in the first coil This idea where you have an emf induced in one coil due to the changing current in the another coil That's what we call Mutual induction and we'll get to know exactly why it's called mutual in a second But that's the idea behind mutual induction. Hopefully you can differentiate between the two now and Because there's an emf induced over here There's a current that starts running over here and that induced current causes the bulb to glow and that's what we saw in our Experiment pretty cool, huh? That's how power wireless power transfer works But we also saw that when you take that when you took that secondary coil far away notice the bulb stopped glowing It's only when you come closer. It glows. Why did it stop glowing if you took it far away? Can you now answer this question? well When you take it far away The magnetic the strength of the field reaching this coil becomes very weak In our diagram, you can see that if you now take this far away The magnetic field linked with this coil becomes very weak and so the flux changes are very weak induced emf is very weak And as a result the current induced will be smaller and the bulb won't glow Okay, now let's go ahead and write an equation for mutual induction and I want you to take a shot at it It's gonna be very similar to this equation But this is the self-induction happening in the same coil. So why don't you pause the video and take a shot at it? Okay, so here we just have to be careful about which coil we are talking about which currents and which emfs We are talking about so we're talking about the emf in the second coil. So emf e2 Equals minus Here we had self inductance as the constant here will introduce a new constant called mutual inductance and we'll talk a Little bit about it, but who's mutual inductance? Is it the second coils or the first coils is the second coils, right? Because induction is happening in the second coil. So minus m2, I'll write Times di over dt, but which di over dt? Is it the rate of change of the current of the second coil or of the first coil? Hey, it's of the first coil That's the whole idea behind mutual induction emf is induced in the second coil due to the current changing in the first coil so we'll write di 1 over dt and This mutual inductance just like self inductance has units of Henry and if the value is very high It means that a lot of emf is induced when the current changes in the other coil And what does its value depend on? Well, just like self inductance. It does not depend on the voltages or the currents It's a matter of geometry. It depends upon how many turns this coil has. What's the radius of this coil? It also depends upon how far it is from this coil. The farther you go the mutual inductance drops The closer you are the stronger the mutual inductance the orientation how they are kept together It also depends upon the number of turns of the first coil. That's right It depends on that as well and we will calculate mutual inductances for some cases in future videos But since the mutual inductance of the secondary also depends upon the properties of the primary We like to often say that this is mutual inductance of the second coil with the respect to the first coil And this will make sense if you think there are many other coils involved over here Then there will be a mutual inductance between two one mutual inductance between two three Mutual inductance between two four so for every pair of coil There'll be a value for mutual inductance and that's why we like to write two one over here Okay, now here's where things get really interesting So because of the emf generator in the secondary coil there is a current induced in the secondary coil, right? There's a current induced and that's then that's why the bulb is glowing, but now think about this this current Also generates its own Magnetic field so here is the magnetic field generated by this current and Because this current is also changing This magnetic field is also changing and as a result of that it induces an emf in the primary and Therefore because of the changing current in the secondary there will be an emf induced in the primary as well And it'll have a very similar formula and I want you to you know take a shot at writing this down But now hopefully understand why it's called mutual induction because they both induce emf in each other That's why it's called mutual induction So can you now pause the video and write down what would be the expression for the emf induced in the primary coil? All right, it's gonna be very similar It's gonna be emf induced in the primary coil is going to be negative Mutual inductance of the primary coil times The rate of change of current of the secondary coil remember it's always the change in current of the other coil And again for similar reasons we will write this as mutual inductance of the primary with respect to secondary and The same thing holds over here. This is also Henry This also depends upon the configuration geometry and all of that and Finally, there is a very nice surprising Connection between the two mutual inductances see if when I was learning this if you were to come to me and ask Hey, what is the relationship between M1 2 and M2 1? I would say I have no idea what the relationship would be Right, I mean, how would I know what the relationship would be? Why should there even be a connection between the two, right? Well, however, it turns out that Those two values will always be equal to each other And that's right. You have to box it with the exclamation mark because this is by no means obvious But that's great. It makes our lives easy So what this means is if you have a pair of coils, then there is one single value for mutual inductance Whether you consider its mutual inductance of this coil with respect to this or you consider this coil with respect to this Turns out to be the same and this is super useful when you're calculating mutual inductances Because you can decide which one you want to calculate and sometimes and in fact in most times One of them is always easier to calculate another one is almost impossible and we'll explore all of that in future videos And one final thing for folks who are really curious These are not complete equations because this EMF is only due to mutual induction Remember there will be an EMF induced due to its own changes in the current So the complete equation would be a mutual induction Along with that there will also be Self-induction which is caused you to changes in its own current and similarly a complete equation for this one would be along with that self-induction Which is happening due to changes in its own current and so these now represent complete equations for induction But unless you're working on advanced engineering concepts, we really don't have to worry about these big equations