So today we're talking about a popular topic in class, and I think it's on everyone's mind when it comes to socializing and meeting people, and that is your first impression. And understanding, one, how important it is, and two, how can we find the right signals to send to really nail that first impression? And there's an interesting myth that we're going to debunk as we get started here, but I want to first talk about this study from 1993. So psychologist Nalini MD showed video clips of professors to students, and in the end asked the students to rate the professors on their effectiveness. When he compared those ratings to evaluations of the same professors by their students after a full semester of class, they were identical. The catch is these videos were only five seconds long, no audio. So first impressions are indelible. They are something that we make about other people, and they make about us, and they stick. And that is something that we've all heard before, right? You are going to have a very difficult time getting over a bad first impression, but a lot of us don't know how to make the right impression on that first impression. And that's why it's something we delve deeply into in boot camp, understanding how to send the right signals to other people. Well, we all make quick snap judgments. And one of the things that we've talked about, and we build class, especially the first day of class, is always going to be what you're telling everybody in that room before you even approach, and why it is so important to understand what you're projecting out before you make your first approach or go out of your way to say hello to somebody. Because with a great first impression comes a very wide window of opportunity. Right. With a bad first impression comes a slim to no window of opportunity. Right, written off entirely. And we've all been there.  And you don't know this person at all. But very quickly, you're going to think, oh, that person's unfriendly. I probably shouldn't talk to them. And most likely avoid them the entire night. Easy to do. Now, how many times have we been that person where maybe we felt a little cold, or maybe we felt a little uncomfortable, so we just closed ourselves off? Does that mean that we're a mean, negative, unfriendly person? No. And this is what's so fascinating. So Dr. Alex Todoroff, professor of psychology at Princeton, and the author of a book called Base Value, The Irresistible Influence of First Impressions, he actually argues that our first impressions and judgments we make on other people are just flat out wrong. Meaning we're taking a sliver, a snapshot, and painting an entire picture about that person. And oftentimes, that snapshot we're choosing is completely inaccurate. Which also goes to point out how important it is to make sure that you're completely aware of what you're saying about yourself at all times. I personally know that in the past, before I learned about a lot of this stuff, that it wasn't on my mind. And because it wasn't on my mind, I had no control over that first impression. And I had to accept what I felt was dealt to me. But in actuality, I was the one that sent out the signals in the first place. Right. And it wasn't until I learned about what I was projecting and took responsibility for, which we'll be talking about today, that I had any control and I was able to open that window of opportunity a lot wider, rather than trying to fix or work with limited windows of opportunity that I created for myself. And I think this is where a lot of people get off course, because so many people come to us wanting to learn how to read other people's body language. Yes. Right. If I can just read and scan the room and understand everyone else's body language, then I'm going to have a leg up on everyone else. The argument that Dr. Todorov makes, and we're making, is that don't worry about reading other people's body language. That's a fool's errand. And a lot of times you're going to guess completely wrong. But you should worry and put focus and emphasis on the signals that you're sending out so that people are reading the correct version of you. Understanding that you're setting the right first impression. And I remember distinctly, I in high school was getting the cold shoulder from a lot of people, especially women I was interested in. I didn't understand necessarily why. And then after I graduated from high school, I got some feedback that people found me to be arrogant. And I was like, arrogant, that's the furthest thing from my mind. I'm usually anxious and a little nervous around people, especially women that I'm attracted to. So how are they getting arrogant? And it came down to my body language and the signal that I was sending to the room, right? It wasn't in conversation. We weren't even talking. Right. And I think that's where a lot of us get our first impressions confused. We get so caught up in the handshake, the eye contact, and the actual conversation. We don't realize that there's a lot of other signals that we're sending to make that first impression. Well, I remember the very first time, well, at least making a conscious decision to do something about my body language or that first impression, which was in just graduating high school. There was a part of me at 18 years old that was tired of being seen as a gawky teenage skateboarder. And there was this innate thing inside of me that was like, it's time to grow up. It's time to mature. It's now time.  I just moved out of my parents. Live at large. Yeah. So it was like, I'm now an adult. Time to start being seen like an adult. And so I made the choice of rather than being seen as this gawky teenage skateboarder, I was going to now start working on how I wanted to look at least for my career, which at that time was in music. So I just, and I think one of the easiest rules to learn, I mean, everyone hears this at some point. And for myself, it was if you, you should start acting the way you want people to see, like, or you should start acting for the job or career that you want. For instance, if you want to be a good salesman, you should start acting like one. If you want to be a good doctor, you should start acting like one. You want to be a good lawyer, start acting like one. I want to be a rock star. So why wouldn't I start acting like one? And not just one, like the best, right? Well, for myself, it was like, if I'm going to shoot to be a rock star, well, then why not go for the most iconic rock stars that I could think of? And during that time, this was early 90s, like, to me, the most iconic guys were the effeminate pompous-ass British guys, like David Bowie, Mark Boland, and Mick Jagger, and Keith Richards. Like, it was those guys. And I made a list of all those guys. And then I remember going to the video store, looking for any movies or live film that would show these guys, even if it was, like, a biopic about an artist, I would rent that movie, too. And specifically, I remember watching the Oliver Stone's The Doors and Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison and trying to mimic and emulate how he behaved. I mean, this was setting myself up for small windows of opportunity, I could tell you that much. And here's the thing about it. This rule or this need or this want to mimic these people wasn't anything new or different than I did than anyone else did, because as human beings, being primates, we are primed to mimic. Right. And so, of course, the first people that you're going to mimic are your parents, your siblings, and then all of a sudden it's kids in the neighborhood.  And there's a rule to all this that we discuss at program, which is the stronger frame dissolves the weaker one. So even if you haven't consciously chose to mimic certain people through survival and being part of the group, you are going to automatically, through osmosis, subconsciously, start mimicking people in order to fit in. That's just human nature. You can't get out of it. So you can either pick the people that you want to mimic and have some control over that first impression, or it can be picked for you without you knowing. And the reason I bring this up is for myself, I'm talking about the rock stars or musicians that I emulated. But let's just say that you haven't consciously chose and you go into computer science as your major and you're in that lab all day and that's where you are. And you haven't consciously chose what you wanted to project about yourself. Well, you will project with the strongest frame personality in that room is projecting. You don't have a choice. And you can look at an example of this in your life. If you've ever traveled anywhere and stayed somewhere for a week, extended period of time, you come back with a mannerism or an accent of just being in that surrounding. So if you haven't consciously chose what you want to say about yourself, it's already been chosen for you and you don't even know it. And therefore, if you are not getting the windows of opportunity that you so desire, then your first impression isn't what it should be. And understand that these are formed within a split second. These are looking for your trustworthiness, your competence, your likability, your attractiveness, right? These are all things that we're doing subconsciously. We're making these snap judgments and a lot of us right now are then using it as a basis to write the person off or view the person in a positive light. And these are indelible. They do not change. As much as we like to believe that you can undo a bad first impression, I guarantee you my high school classmates still view me as arrogant. They still have that impression of me. If anything, it's only grown with the things that you're doing, right? Thanks, Johnny. Now, pause for a minute. Do you know what your first impression is? A lot of us don't. A lot of us don't. And I know for me, when I started to get that feedback on it, I was flabbergasted. I was frustrated. She's very shocking. Like, what do you mean? This is not me. This is not how I want to present to the world. And then I fell into, well, how do I figure this out, right? What do I do? How do I mimic the right people? What are the signals? And it's easy to get caught in this trap of, okay, well, I gotta change everything, right? Usually it's a lot simpler than that. It's just subtracting a few things that you're doing to protect yourself, to feel more secure in an environment that's uncomfortable that can actually lead you astray. Well, think about what your worldview looks like if you hadn't chosen your first impression. And let's just say because of the people you had the places where you've been, it had been chosen for you. And therefore it's, you've given a bad first impression for, let's say, a few years now. And you're wondering why everyone just seems put off or not giving you any time. And how quickly then do you now start seeing everyone in that same manner or that the world is very tough and then have to come the terms with four years. It's been on your plate is the reason why everyone has been viewing you in that manner.  Yeah, and a lot of us get hung up on the words, right? I want to say the right thing. I want to appear funny. But if you put a little emphasis and energy and work into that first impression, that window, that momentum can carry the day so you don't have to be as funny. You don't have to dig yourself out of a hole. And if you think about this, our first impression of the people around us stays with us. So that first impression you had of your friend typically was a good one which allowed you to feel comfortable pursuing that relationship. So how many people in your life have you written off based on, as Dr. Todorov would said, your fallacies, right? Your own beliefs about people. And what's so interesting about his research is that our judgments of first impressions relate to our environment. Meaning the facial expressions you're exposed to become your baseline. And when people deviate from your baseline, then you make judgments negatively. So for example, if your father growing up had a furrowed brow when he was deep in thought, then you would by absorbing that environment and picking up that first impression of people, you would view people with furrowed brows more positively than someone who had a sunny disposition in his parents and didn't see that anger come through. So what Alex is saying here is don't focus on writing people off based on your first impression. It's a snapshot that's usually wrong. And that's the myth that we're trying to bust here of focusing on reading other people's body language and trying to understand their first impressions. That's not where we should be putting our focus. We need to look at ourselves and make sure that we're projecting the right things. And I ask that question, do you know what your first impression is? Because I certainly didn't. I had no idea until I got some feedback. And a lot of our clients in boot camp, when we ask that question before they get here, answer no or, oh, I think it's pretty good. I think a lot of people enjoy my first impression. And then we dig in on video work on Tuesday and we start to look at those signals we're sending and a lot of us when we see ourselves on camera realize, whoa, that is not the impression I thought I was putting out there. I also enjoy video work because everyone's obviously gonna give their best attempt at it when it comes to video.  So you can't see how your first impression affects the other person that you're speaking to until we do video work and we play it back for you and you can see how if you're leaning in too far, if there's a lot of positive body language, some of these things that we'll be talking about later, how it intimidates the other person to where they have to start leaning away or start to turn away. And if they're doing those things, they're not even bothering listening to the words that you're saying. They're just trying to get comfortable in a situation that they're uncomfortable in because of your first impression, how you made them feel. And that sticks when you're saying it. But that will stick with people. So understanding the importance of fixing some of these signals in ourselves so that we can give ourselves the best advantage possible when it comes to meeting and connecting with new people. And when it comes to that first impression, it predicts your success in dating, it predicts your success in networking, and it even predicts your success in your career. And this is a really interesting study. So they looked at professors, photos of professors versus professors' performance. And at the end of the day, that photo carried as much weight as taking it a full semester with that professor in terms of your judgment on them. So understanding that first impressions here, a lot of times we just think about that when it comes to dating, romantic. But that first impression you make on your coworkers your first day, your boss the first day, sets the tone for your career and can open, as Johnny said, those windows of opportunity or can shrink them dramatically. And you mentioned earlier, it's difficult, but you can climb out of a bad first impression, but why even set yourself up for that when you can be focusing on other things that will propel you forward? And understanding that everyone is only going to, well, they're gonna cast judgment on such a slight sliver of an impression, a quick glimpse, then you wanna make sure that you're doing everything that you possibly can to make it the best that it can and then allow the rest of that to go on them. I mean, imagine this. And for you guys listening to this, imagine if you knew what you were casting on as a first impression and it was always done to the best of your ability and you never had to worry about it.  How much better do you feel then about selling yourself and putting yourself out there if you know that I'm already starting out, it's going to be a large window of opportunity, at least the best window I can give myself on my end of this. Absolutely, I think we'd all take that. Absolutely. We would want those results and we know those results stick, so why not put your best foot forward, so to speak? And when we talk about career, I mean, this is in the operating room, surgeons, trustworthiness, rated on that first impression and the likelihood that patients are to sue them. How many doctors listening are thinking about that first impression with their patients? This goes to politicians. They've done studies looking at snapshot images of politicians, facial features, posture, plays a role in their likability, regardless of what the platform is, regardless of what those words are. And I wanna state that we all know how important sales are to everyday life. Life always breaks down to being about sales and so if you're on a, well, your career from your services to selling something, it's all gonna be based on whether or not people are buying into you first and your first impression is going to go a long way, you know, allowing that to happen. Yeah, it creates that trustworthiness that allows the sale to happen, that allows the connection to happen, but here's the conundrum, right? This is important. We know other people are making snap judgments about us, but at the same time, as a high value person, we have to tell ourselves not to make these negative snap judgments about other people. Absolutely. Because as Dr. Todorov said, we are getting faulty information. So to write people off based on a snapshot, a snap judgment, even though it's our gut, it's our intuition, it feels right, is actually the wrong thing to do. So today, we're gonna focus on setting the right signals at the start ourselves. And lastly, showing some empathy and giving people around us a second chance to take away some of that permanence that comes with the first impression. Perfect, that sounds awesome. And I know, Johnny, we didn't have necessarily the greatest first impression of each other when we first met. We had some, you know, I don't know about this guy feeling, going back and forth, but we were able to overcome that. So when you allow yourself to put your best foot forward, control what you can control, and allow people a bigger window of opportunity with you, that's how your high value, that's how we start putting things in place that can help us succeed. And there's some subtleties involved in this as well because, you know, some of the things we're talking about later is going to be presentation and you want to, you want to do your part to set yourself away from the pack a bit, but not so much that it messes with your first impression. The halo effect is something that we discuss in class and it's something that has a big impact on this first impression. Well, the halo effect is being able to create a decent first impression in one area and then it carrying over into other areas. So if you're a good salesman, that people are gonna see you probably being good in other areas. One superficial idea here is that good-looking people are rated as more friendly, which is just a fact. Right, it's science working to help, unfortunately the good-looking of us, but also understanding that these things tie together, right, so we're gonna talk at the end of the show about how to improve your first impression and we are gonna talk about the role looks play in that and there are things we can do to improve our looks. Absolutely, of course. And, you know, being self-aware allows you to understand what areas you can make some changes to counteract the areas where you can make any changes, so if height is not going to get me anywhere, then I need to make up for that maybe in grooming or dress or in another area. Yeah, and we'll break down the four areas of focus for your first impression, but let's think about this halo effect. It's not just looks, right? If you're starting your first day at work and you come in late, there's a good chance that the halo effect is gonna lead to your boss and coworkers now expecting the worst and assuming negative things about your output, your performance, and your likability, all because you showed up late, versus showing up early. What type of tone do you think that's gonna set on that first impression?  AJ's putting in the hard work, all because he got in a little early. So there are important reasons why we're bringing up this halo effect, not just to beat yourself up and go, oh, well, since I'm not good looking, then people aren't gonna find me likable either. There are things that we can do that can propel and lead to momentum in the right direction so people aren't writing us off for the wrong reasons. And it's not just looks. People also make snap judgments about our voice. Johnny, I know we've been receiving some feedback about our voices. I've gotten to the best compliments. I'm sure. Time to start sending in some negative comments for Johnny. Not really compliments. He's writing too high. Humans make snap judgments about voice as well. Humans will make snap judgments about the pitch of your voice and whether or not you're trustworthy or likable. So a lot of us don't even realize what our vocal tonality is, but vocal tonality projects a level of confidence. If your volume or your pitch is going up to end of sentence versus going down to end of sentence, it has a much bigger impact on the words that you're saying and people's ability to view you in a likable, trustworthy manner. They also have found that lower pitched voices get viewed as someone who exhibits leadership, right? So this trustworthiness, this competency, this leadership is tied to our first impression. And it is important for us to realize that when we're meeting someone for the first time, and as Johnny said earlier, we're focusing inward, right? We're so worried about what's going on with ourselves that a lot of times we don't understand the signals that are kind of leaking out to the world. Taking a step back and saying, hey, wait a second. If I put in a little bit of effort and energy on my first impression, I opened this huge window of opportunity for people to find me likable, trustworthy, competent as a leader, wow, that should be exciting, right? It shouldn't be something that we view as negative of like, oh, it's indelible, first impressions don't change and I'm doing all these things wrong. I know when you started to work on your first impression, I started to work on my first impression. I started to get excited that I could change the tone. I could set myself up for success. As I might mention earlier, that I started out trying to emulate my heroes like anyone else does, you mimic the people that you wanna be like and because that's what I wanted to be. Now, when I started getting into my later 20s, well, I started looking at other areas of my life and other things that I wanted to do and moving into my 30s and getting into self-development and one of the first things about it was just going to town and working on myself and what was funny about it because I never really put too much thought into my first impression. I wanted to be like Keith Richards so I'm gonna emulate Keith Richards and that's fine with me and if people in my attitude was, if it makes a bad first impression, well, I guess they don't like Keith Richards or I guess they don't like me, that's not my problem. Those are rashes. However, when I had gotten older and I wanted to, I got into self-development and I started being, well, changing up a few things in order to make a better first impression, getting the feedback back and seeing people's faces be completely different than how I had been presenting myself before that was amazing to me and I was like, so being able to see such a drastic change and see it being radiated or reflected from the other people that I was now meeting, well, that was all in the world that I needed to change it for the better and there's a rule of about what is the answer to consciousness which is more consciousness. So the more things you can be aware of and take responsibility for, the more control that you have on things. So even a simple thing such as feeling good that you're moving in the right direction and then if you can change that, what other things can you change? It just opens the doors. Yeah, I think what's exciting about it is we now know that it's important and it's indelible and a lot of people are making the wrong snap judgments about us because they don't have the complete vision or answer on that snapshot that they're taking. But what's exciting is you start putting some things together and you start seeing a drastic change in the way people view you and interact with you. So going back to the boot camp on Thursday with our exercise on the street where we're actually surveying people on our first impression, what's amazing is after you get the first few signatures and you get things moving, you start to realize and see different responses from people because you've worked through some of that nervous energy that made you turn inward, that made you closed off, that made that negative first impression. And then you can start leaning into the traits that you want to convey on that first impression and feel more comfortable in those situations that leads to momentum again in the right direction. And I know when I met you the first time, Johnny, with this rock star persona that I now learn you've been mimicking and studying and honing over the years. Honing, yeah. Right, with all these biopics. What I found about that was it actually felt to me like you were a little closed off, disinterested because you were so rock and roll and so different from me that I was intimidated by it. So that first impression, you had firing for a very specific audience. It was working very well for people who loved the same type of music as you. Sure, absolutely. And who were totally fascinated by rock and roll. But it wasn't so open and accommodating to people who didn't share that same sense or sensibilities. Well, and also there comes a point, I may mention this earlier, where you want to set yourself off from the pack, right? But you don't want it to be an adentrement to that first impression. So, I love music so much that that whole thing is a part of me. And though, so allowing it to be a part of me and not disrupting or putting together a bad first impression means countering it in another way, which means I have to make sure that there's a big smile. And perhaps I have to make sure that I say hello first and introduce myself because of how and what you just said is a perfect indication of I was a little bit intimidated by meeting you for the first time because I was different. So knowing that and knowing that a lot of people would feel that way, counteracting that by a big smile, saying hello, a compliment or a joke and opening those doors like, oh wow, it kind of blasts past the automatic, I think this person's this way and then when you go out of your way to do something different, that gets shattered very quickly. And it opens the doors for a better first impression. And I know for me, right, to Dr. Alex Todorov's point, I was bringing my own baggage to the table on making that first impression of you because of the way that the rock and roll guys in high school treated as a jock. Sure. They treated me as an outcast. I couldn't join their click because I wasn't into the rock and roll eras that they were into. I knew a little bit. We've laughed about Bob Seeger and some of the other Eddie Money and stuff like that. But I was not a heavy-duty rock and roller and that group in high school, I don't wanna say ostracized me, but I couldn't break through. I couldn't really connect with them as much as I'd like. So I brought my own baggage to that first impression of meeting you. It took me to sort of work through that and set it aside and then see all these other things come out of you where you were coaching, you were so hands on, you were so engaged that I was like, wait, just cause he's wearing sunglasses doesn't mean he's disengaged, doesn't mean he doesn't wanna be here. I actually started to see all this other evidence that proved otherwise and I was able to work through that. Well, interesting to say that. So soon as there starts to be behaviors that shatter the idea of who that person is that you have to put together another idea because having that allows you to feel safe with that person. Right. And we like to categorize, we like to put things in boxes. It makes it easy for us to make it. Very easy. And it's, in fact, we can't get out of doing that. We have to do that. But understanding that allows you to work around that. So if I don't have a big smile pasted on my face when I first meet somebody or I don't go over and say hi immediately, that idea that they have could stick really hard. And then let's just say that, for instance, this happens where it'll be a networking event. I make my way around. I've got to meet a few of the people but there's certain people that I didn't. And that couldn't leave them feeling a bit cold. And I know that if I, because if I don't make my way around to everyone that there's a possibility that that might happen which only propels me to want to make sure that that doesn't happen. Right. So now I'm, because I want to be in control of that first impression. And it took a while for me to realize that my gut was wrong. The first thing that I realized was, holy cow, I was given off the wrong first impression. And that really annoyed me and frustrated me. Then I started to realize that I was also wrong in my SNAP judgments and making these quick decisions and first impressions of other people assuming the wrong things.  Yeah, oh yeah. And at the end of class, I'll be like, I'll beat myself up a little bit. Maybe I didn't get through to them. And then at the end of the week, they're like, oh, I love that lecture. I was so engaged. That was so amazing. So fighting through that, that SNAP judgment is empathy. It's open-mindedness. It's something that we need to cultivate because we are too quick to write people off. So when you first started getting in front of the room, I told you that that would happen and not to go on what your first thoughts were of what you're seeing. Because if you go along with that and you get reactive, it all collapses, right? And so then they start worrying what's going on because you're now worried. And so you have to blast past that. But how great is it to have that skill so that when you do see people for the first time and you do have that gut instinct, that you're able to look past that and now look at, I will go with the behaviors and actions that I'm seeing rather than with my gut that is based in fear tells me. Right, and my gut based in fear in front of the room was, man, I'm not breaking through. These guys aren't interested. They're not liking what I have to say. And it took me cultivating that. And even now when we go out, right? We're so attuned to body language and seeing this in our students and seeing this in ourselves. I'm now even more excited in those opportunities where I get to break through that shell, break through that awkwardness that maybe that other person's putting out because they're uncomfortable, right? It takes a level of self-awareness to understand not only your first impression, but also to have empathy around other people's first impressions. Because listen, at the end of the day, we said this on past episodes, everyone's trying their best with the tools that they have. Yeah.  They're trying to do the best that they can with the tools that they've been given. But a lot of us don't have that open-mindedness, that empathy to look past that first impression. Instead, we're at that party, as I said at the beginning of the show, and we're like, no, that person's no fun. I'm not gonna stand near them. I'm not gonna have a conversation with them all because they were a little cold when we walked in the room. So having that ability to look past that is something that we also want to cultivate.  And Johnny and I were able to look past our so-so first impressions of each other, look at behaviors and actions, and then finally start to connect on beliefs and realize, whoa, you know, we were completely wrong to have that viewpoint based on what I was wearing and Johnny's sunglasses and facial expression. So what I'm saying is we're gonna ask you to have that same level of empathy as you watch our Instagram videos and ready to make snap judgments about our attire and what we're saying. Yeah, before you hit post, on your next insult. Have some empathy. Now this is the last point I think we really wanna delve into because this familiarity that we have, right? This environment that we talked about earlier, people, whether you're consciously aware of it or not, generally prefer other people who are similar to us. That's just a rule. I mean, it's a fact and it just, well, you know, it's facts like that that I try not to think that as a human being I'm above where I could be above it. It's just facts. And we struggle with it, right? In my, oh, Johnny's a certain way. Johnny likes a certain type of music. We're not gonna get along. Or Johnny's friends looking at AJ going, you know, I don't think he is into the same things. We're not gonna get along, right? That familiarity, it's a snap judgment. It's bound to us and it feels intuitive. It feels like it's our gut, so we should trust it. But we also associate certain character traits with features of other people based on our exposure to cartoons and media, right? And imagery and now science is even showing because we live in such a visual age, right? I know Johnny's talked about this before where before technology you were really only exposed to your crowd, familiar groups and outsiders were a danger to you. But now we're exposed to different cultures, different ethnicities all through imagery, movies, cartoons, we're bombarded with this information. And sometimes it can actually work against us where we have taken in all of these views of other people that they're a certain way based on their physical beauty, dressing wealthy, meaning successful or important. And we can get these convoluted misinterpretations of who these people actually are. And there's certain biases that you have and I think parts of that are temperament, parts of that are environment. It's a nurture versus nature thing. Where you got them, a lot of times it's hard to know. And in fact, it can be shaped by several experiences. So rather than being upset that you may have them, it's understanding it and being able to work through them and be above it. And using them to your advantage. Yeah, exactly. So let's talk about that. Physical beauty, obviously we know it's attractive, it signifies health. So working on yourself, you can send these signals. Dressing wealthy signifies success. And there was a viral article a couple of years ago now, Neil Patel, a marketer, spent a boatload of money on clothes. Just a huge budget on his attire. And he found that it actually paid dividends in his business. One, going shopping at these expensive stores allowed him to interact with other people who were very wealthy. So he was able to grow his network and find some business opportunities there. But also on top of that, wearing designer brands in expensive clothing allowed him in meetings to look more competent as he's presenting. Yeah, interesting. You know, it's funny where you'll, for myself, there's a lot of bands that I always would read how they got together or whatnot. It's like, well, I saw so-and-so at a bunch of the same shows that I was at and so-and-so always looked much cooler than I did. So I asked them to be in my band. Like, that's just how it works. And we also have another friend, Raphael. You were telling me how he had met a bunch of people, successful people that he brought into his network because of the way he was always dressed. Did you want to experiment on that? So Raphael runs Gentleman's Gazette. Yeah, Rad. A really awesome company with a lot of accessories to make you that stylish person that sets you apart. And he has impeccable style and taste, very sartorial. And he dresses to the nines. Whether he's flying, whether he's grocery shopping, he's always on point. And he stayed here in LA with us for a week and we were working on some content together. And he told us a story about just getting on an airplane, even though he was riding in coach, but dressed to the nines, he was able to connect with some people in first class, one of which was a CEO of a company that he was then able to work with. So he was able to further his career just based on the closing war, getting on an airplane. And we've even seen this from our buddy Till. He, LA guy, LA style, is pretty relaxed, almost grungy at this point right now. And he got some advice that, hey, you're building this company, you should dress as if you're already running a hundred million dollar a year agency. So he started to change the way he dressed. Absolutely. And not only were the pitches going better for him, but his staff started acting differently around him and putting in more effort and energy. So that signal of dressing for success, that pays dividends on that first impression in ways that a lot of us might not even be thinking about. Absolutely. And I know we're gonna have a few friends on to help those of you listening who have some style questions and concerns because we are not experts, as you can see from watching this video. We know a few things, but we're gonna bring on some experts for men and women to answer some of your style questions because this plays such a big role in that first impression. Now, I wanna break down first impressions into four digestible components that we can easily put some focus and emphasis on to really nail that first impression. Because as Johnny said, how good would it feel to know every room you walk in that you're sending the right signals to really have that impactful first impression? I think we'd all feel a lot more confident if we knew how to do that. It's, you know, that's one of the things that we look at in the first day of class and giving people an opportunity for as scary as it might be and as, and how hard it might, the facts will be after seeing that video, they'll have an opportunity to better that presentation. And we've said this multiple times if you've been listening, but we'll say it again.  And this is the foundation. And I love to visualize these as a pyramid. So the first layer of that pyramid, the foundation of our first impression is something we call static. And if you just think about that word static, that word means not changing, not moving, right? It's pretty fixed, it's pretty locked in. So that is your looks. Your looks are your static layer of your first impression. Now, I'm not gonna show up here next week looking like Brad Pitt, but there are things that I can do to still impact my looks to give me that vibe, that first impression of competency, of attractiveness, of likability, right? Science has shown that your looks play a role in those traits and people snap judgment of you. So we want to dial it in. And when we think about our health and our appearance, three things jump to mind to improve them. And what are they, Johnny? Well, the first one is sleep. And outside of that is getting to the gym, making sure that you're working out and you're making sure your body is the best gonna be. And of course, what are you eating? Right, paying attention to what's going in your body. These three things play a role in your genes, in your genetics. So getting enough sleep, getting exercise and eating right turns on and off genes that can be impactful to your health that can give you that vibrant first impression. So understanding that our first impression is under our control, it is important. Oftentimes it's indelible. Well, it makes sense to put some effort and energy behind this static layer. And if you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, I've heard all those things before but I don't like working out and I get enough sleep and I like my cheeseburgers and pizza. And even if you're not to a point where you feel that you need to get in shape yet perhaps you're getting your later 20s and what's around the corner, I will say this, there is a reason why these are billion dollar industries going to the gym, dieting, all this stuff because for the people who do know how they feel from working out to how they would feel if they hadn't been to the gym, once that clicks and you understand then you're gonna be going to the gym. It's that noticeable of a difference. And that noticeable difference is in what you're projecting it's how you're feeling and it's how you're thinking. And how you're moving. And how you're moving and I wanna, I said this a couple of episodes ago might have been brutal truths but it was something that Penn Gillette said that I really enjoyed. Penn Gillette, the magician of Penn and Teller who's always been for the most of his career a rather large man, he'd been overweight. And somebody who has been a skeptic his whole life but also wanting to live the best that he could possibly be and live smart as he can live. Did everything in the world to rationalize why he didn't need to get to the gym and start watching what he ate? And it wasn't until he had made a bet with some people with some friends and he lost all that weight that he said, I didn't wanna have to admit it but now having done it. I know. I now know how much better I am mentally, physically, emotionally by doing these things and I'm not going back to how I felt before and I can say the same thing. To that point, a lot of us when we let our health fitness our nutrition slip, I like to think of it as this fog starts to set it. It does. And this fog slowly seeps in and it's gradual. It's not this like the next day I'm foggy, I can't think. And it's slow and gradual so that you can't tell that it's coming over you. You don't realize just how big a hold it has on your life until you make a drastic change like Ben Gillette. And I know Johnny and I have been working on this ourselves and the difference is remarkable. When you eat the right things, when you make sure you get enough sleep and you actually focus on exercise, it changes your mood. It changes your ability to think clearly. It changes your engagement and your charisma. I can't tell you how much more difficult even doing this podcast is if we haven't dialed in those three things. Absolutely. In fact, there is now, you know, there is a pre-game routine that is days leading up and going that is, right? It's like, I can't be out drinking, knowing that I'm coming in here the next day. I'm not gonna be at my best.  This is gonna be in our archives for the end of time. And as you've been listening to the show, right, we understand now that your network is your opportunity. And if you're not taking steps to cultivate a positive, inspiring network, if you're not taking steps to work on that first impression to give people an opportunity to connect with you, then you're actually falling behind because these are the things that lead to success. Your network is your net worth. It leads to your ability to get things done, to advance your career, to have quality relationships, to find a significant other. So that first impression, that sets the tone for your ability to create that network, to create those relationships. So why not put some effort and energy there? And this is the homework. This is the stuff that Johnny said, the prep work that you put in before you go out, before you hit that networking event. Yeah. And I always say this example, the first day of class, right, if I were to let those three areas slide, right? Let's say I got two hours of sleep, I had to crush a five hour energy in the morning, and then I was in a hurry, I didn't have time to eat healthy, just you putting that together and knowing what you would be walking into and just doing it for, you know, 11 years going on 12 now, makes me shake. Cause I, that's all. You're not setting yourself up for success at all. No, and I can tell you that over the six plus seven years now that I've been teaching that section of class, the difference in coming prepared and setting the tone versus coming in a little bit after an all nighter and of being stressed and not present is remarkable. It means the difference between the guys, boot camp experience, their engagement in Johnny's class, their ability to absorb the information, all of that flows from that first impression. And I laugh, but I'm like, you know, if I had crushed some McDonald's on the way over, so my diet was out of whack and I hadn't got any sleep and oh, by the way, I found it too stressful the past week to get any exercise in, right? And you can imagine how I would appear showing up. I'd be a little slouchy, I'd be a little out of it.  That is the. Imagine that first impression. Of course. If you're sitting on the couch and you're expecting an amazing boot camp and you see that your mind is going to start going to negative places. This isn't going to work for me. There's no way I'm going to engage in this content. What's the refund policy? How do I get my money back? I don't want to learn from this guy. That sets the tone for everything and that's what the first impression is here. So that's static, your foundation, what you eat, getting exercise, getting sleep, vastly important. The second layer that builds off of that and obviously that exercise and eating well is going to play a role in this is dynamic. So static is stationary. Dynamic, the second layer is movement, right? You think about dynamic, it's moving, it's changing. That is your body language. Understanding that your body language is a very strong signal on that first impression. Right after your health and well-being and the way that you appear, that body language, your posture, the way you move, what's going on in your face, your expressiveness, play a huge role in people's first impression of you. And let me give you an example of how important this is. When I made a decision to change the way I moved, I immediately was greeted with people who spent time with me, who knew me well, thinking that there was something different about me. And one of the first things that anyone who comes through program will see when they get home is that the people, family or friends that they're around all the time, once you change your physiology, they will ask, did you get a haircut? Is that a new shirt? And your answer will be likely, the most part, well, we'll know. They're like, and they'll look at you. They're like, but there's something different about you. Because you've changed your physiology, you're now changing the message that they're getting. That message is received for the most part unless you come through ASC is unconscious.  This is why people gravitate to each other through similar or opposing similar insecurities. You don't even know that you're bringing it in. However, if you could bring it to a conscious level, you're now in control of that. But having understanding that you change it and other people can feel it, well, that's huge. That your physiology causes a reaction in somebody else. And then if you change it, they know that something's different. That's enough for me to know that I wanna make sure that I make sure that the right message is going out. Absolutely. So we have our health dialing that in, important, biggest signal on that first impression. The way you move is the second most important signal on that first impression. Because a lot of times we're not making first impressions on that initial handshake, that initial introduction. We're making first impressions when we see the person for the first time. And a lot of times in a crowded environment, a networking event, a bar while we're out, a conference, that first impression starting from across the room. Absolutely. It's starting based on how does that person appear and how are they walking? How are they moving? And we say the mind leads the body and the body leads the mind. Meaning your thoughts and your posture, your facial features are inextricably linked. So we all know this. Naturally, if we're in a good mood, we're gonna start to smile, right? We don't have to think about it. We don't have to go, oh, I'm in a good mood. Now I should probably smile. It's subconscious. We feel good and all of a sudden we start showing that expressiveness in our body language. So if you think about those two things, your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, or your body language, your posture, your facial expressions, your gestures, your stance, which of the two is easier for you to change and manipulate, Johnny? Well, your body language is the easiest thing to change and manipulate. And that's why we focus to start the week on body language and end the week on insecurities and what's going on mentally because that is a bigger exercise.  Well, and that's why the week is laid out in that manner so that you can get some easy victories by making some changes to your body language first, which allows you to feel good like, oh, okay, I do have some control here, which allows you, as we get into the more heady, deep stuff, feeling good that those changes will be able to be made as well. To go along with something you were saying earlier that was stuck in my head, was just how impactful somebody's seeing you from across the room is, and I can relay that in a story, because I have a very English haircut. It's a very... Really, I hadn't noticed. Yeah, it's a very... People would call that a mod cut. Anyway, so people will see me from across the room and see the dress and the hair, and you've seen this happen where people go, he's English, right? And then of course, they'll meet me and they'll ask me what part of England I'm from. How'd you lose the accent? And no, they won't even know that the accent's gone. They'll hear it because of what they're seeing. They project the accent. It's like, no, actually I'm from Pittsburgh and there's no accent going on. They're like, well now you just changed it. No, I pointed out to you because there wasn't one in the first place. It's quite an interesting thing. However, after that, then they started to feel dumb because they'll hang out for about five minutes and realize there was nothing English going on whatsoever. But it was how they viewed me out of the gate and just made that assumption. So when we think about mind leading the body and body leading the mind, what do you think's gonna happen to your mind if you have your arms crossed and you're closed off and you're making yourself smaller and disengaged? Well, this is something that we hit on in the first day of class, which throws a lot of people off. There's so many different signals going on here. We've, the first signal that we've talked about is how other people see you. So, and I always do this experiment class and I have one of the guys cross their arms and I ask the other guys, let's pretend that none of us have ever met before and we all just gathered in this room and as you're looking down across the couch, you see the one person with their arms crossed, what would be the first thoughts that come to your mind? And it's never favorable. No. It's, he doesn't wanna be here. He thinks he's better than everybody else. He's bored. He's concerned.  And when that person hears it, they're like, wow, does that sound like somebody that you would wanna talk to at a social event and everyone's like, well, no. So you've already cast out to everyone else enough information to where they don't wanna deal with you. Right, so their assumption is disinterested. So why should I be interested? And if you're going out to a social event, all you're looking for is positive blips on the radar and that's not a positive blip.  That's red flag. That's avoid that guy. Not interested. But let's talk about the real damage that's being done. You wrote off that room. Everyone in that room doesn't wanna deal with you. Okay, but let's talk about the real damage. The real damage is the messages that you sent to yourself. Now, here's how this works. When your body is uncomfortable, you're gonna do one thing.  So let's say that maybe you do have a bit of anxiety of going to social events or listen, anyone who feels a little uncomfortable of going to a new place for the very first time is gonna look to get themselves comfortable in that situation. And if you just happen to be somebody who is an arms crosser or that's just a natural thing for you to do, that's what you're going to do in that moment when you feel uncomfortable to get yourself comfortable. We've already discussed how everyone else views you.  So now you have to rationalize to yourself why you need to protect yourself in this moment. And what you will tell yourself is that you're uncomfortable and then your brain's gonna ask, why are you uncomfortable? And now you have to look around and decide why that is to justify having your arms crossed. So now you're gonna say, well, I don't like this place. What don't you like about it? This is why you're gonna ask yourself. Well, I don't know. I don't know. The people are kind of standoffish or hipsterish or whatever you can justify. And then what are you gonna tell yourself about the music? That's an easy one, right?  I don't like it. It's not what I'd normally go to. If I was at my bar, I'd be listening to what I would. And then what are you gonna tell yourself about the drink that you're having? It's too expensive. I shouldn't have came on. Then now that you just had this chain reaction of thoughts, it's going to, you're going to go to the old standard of, I knew I shouldn't have came out tonight. It's always gonna be the same old thing. Why did I think it was going to be different tonight? And so now that's going on.  How good of an evening can you have? And how quickly, really, do you find you're gonna be leaving this place? It's already on your mind. And one of the first rules, at least for myself, that I've heard when I got into self-development is the old saying that if you continue to do the same things over and over again, but yet expect different results, well then that's the definition of insanity.   And you're expecting things to be different this time around. And it starts with such a subtle thing as crossing your arms. That's where it begins.  And in order for everything to change is, well, you're gonna have to, it starts with you. We get this feedback a lot. Guys, I love what you're about. I love what you guys teach, but it's common sense stuff, guys. This is simple stuff. Are you really charging people for this information? And it comes down to the fact of Johnny's point that a lot of us, my question earlier, don't even know what our first impression is. You have an idea, but you don't really know. And it's shocking when you see it on video. What I love about the boot camp experience is that those guys who condition themselves to be out, cross your arms, close yourself off, rationalize how it's a terrible venue, how no one here is interesting, no one's attractive, by the end of the week, because we're on them about their crossed arms and closed body language, they go, wow, I didn't realize I could have so much fun going out. I didn't realize that I could talk to so many people. And they would never rationalize that it was my arms crossed because it seems far too simple, right? They'll go, it's some pixie dust, AJ and Johnny, invited their friends. These subtle signals tap into people's ability to write you in or out of their lives.  And typically it's gonna rationalize those behaviors in a very judgmental way. They're wrong, they're jerks, they're assholes for not liking me. And it's a slippery slope. It is a slippery slope that you're accustomed to, that you will allow to happen every time. There's a reason why the first chapter in Jordan Peterson's book is stand up tall with your shoulders back, because everything is based off of that. It's where you're starting this whole thing. If you're comfortable crossing your arms and you're going to do it again and you're not gonna realize everything else that happens immediately when you do that. The chain of events of thought processes and emotions that you're in control of, that that simple action has now activated. So we have posture. We have the way that we're putting our arms. We prefer you keep your arms comfortably at your sides, keep your arms uncrossed. We call this open body language. And openness actually is scientifically proven to be more attractive. So if you're trying to impress the opposite sex, if you're struggling to get women or men interested in you, take a second to think about your openness with your body language while you're out. We're also, when we talk about body language here, we're talking about facial expressions, smile, eye contact. And Dr. Luton, Dr. David Luton says that there are four facial features that are driving that first impression for us. There are four facial features that drive that early judgment. And what we're looking for is baby faceness. So if you think about it, why does baby faceness have an importance to our ability to make a first impression? And I know a lot of our listeners like to rock facial hair or beards. But scientifically speaking, plenty of evidence shows that we have an innate tendency to find baby faces appealing. So when you're looking at your own child or other children, baby faces in general are just more appealing to us scientifically speaking. Now, it doesn't mean you can't rock a beard, but just understand that in general, people are going to be more open and more interested, more attracted to someone who has a baby face. Once again, being aware of what that first impression is and being able to counter any deficiencies. So if you are going to rock facial hair, you need to make sure that your smile is coming through. Right. And the next time you go out, just try this. As much as you want to crush your arms, don't do it.   Allow the music to hit you so that you're slightly moving with it, whether your head is just has a nod to it, the beat. And perhaps your body has a slight wave to the beat and allow those three things to activate the things that you need to have happened in this environment rather than shutting those things down. So if we do those three things, what is going to happen? Well, you're going to be open to the environment. So change your physiology. You'll be open to the environment. You are allowing yourself to feel good in this environment by having a smile and allowing yourself to move with the music. And before you know it, you'll be feeling pretty good. And here's what else has happened. You've now opened yourself up to the other people at the venue who now see a person who's enjoying themself and positive people are happy people are attractive people. And then on the other side of that, you are feeling pretty good. So it's going to be much easier for you now to engage with other people that are out rather than having to pull yourself up out of the hole that you put yourself in. Dr. Luton says there are four facial features that allow us to make that snap, and Dr. Luton allows us to make that first impression. So strongly, the first one being baby faceness. Baby faces are appealing to us. It's ingrained in us in human nature. So naturally smooth faces, rosy cheeks are going to be more attractive. Now, as Johnny was saying, it doesn't mean you can't rock a beard, but you're going to have to fight that signal that the beard is putting out there. You're going to have to overemphasize some other signals. Second one is familiarity, which also makes a lot of sense, right? We are exposed to faces in our neighborhood, in our family, at school, and those become hardwired into our brains. And we will feel better. We will have a warmer impression of someone who fits a previously made impression. So if someone has a similar face to a family member, or a teacher, you're going to feel a warmer impression of them naturally. This is all happening subconsciously. The third one goes back to what we were arguing in the first layer, the first component of our first impression, that's fitness. So fitness makes your face attractive. It's going to make obviously a great first impression. So healthy people look attractive. I know when I was drinking more, I was not working out, my facial features were a little different. They were a little clouded. You didn't see my cheekbones. I had a larger chin. So understanding that your fitness is going to play a role in that facial feature that creates a warm or a negative first impression.  The last, the fourth and final is emotional resemblance. And this goes back to the cues that we're looking for, right? If someone has a furrowed brow, then naturally we're going to assume that they're angry, even if it has nothing to do with their internal state. It's just hardwired into us. So the reason we point all these things out is let's think about that, right? Baby-facedness, familiarity, fitness, emotional resemblance. When you look at those, you're kind of like, well, why am I being judged on that? That seems a little off, right? I don't want to be judged just on that. That's what we're saying. First impressions, and a lot of times are being based on faulty evidence, on signals that really shouldn't be important. But are you putting the emphasis and energy behind changing, fixing, or as Johnny said, creating more powerful signals in the positive so that you're not being written off for some of these things that are naturally happening? So that dynamic body language, talking posture, your facial expressions, your openness in your body language, that plays a huge role in that first impression.  And if we think about it, it does start to make some sense, right?   Yeah, you tend not to put as much effort and energy into what you're wearing, how groomed you are, getting a haircut, taking care of yourself. And naturally, that signal gets picked up on in other people's first impression of you. Very easily.  They're gonna say, why should I care? Right, if this guy doesn't have time to shave, he hasn't brushed his teeth, he's got a mustard stain on his shirt, why should I care, why should I take interest? We've all been on the flip side, right? Someone shows up in a suit. Of course. Someone shows up with a briefcase. You naturally take notice, you naturally assume positive things about that person. So are you paying attention to your style and grooming? You probably are if you're at all interested in improving your first impression, but that's their third component. Now the fourth and final component is subtle, it's smaller, it's a lot less important, but it is still a signal on that first impression. And we call that incidental. Now that is your surroundings, meaning your friends and peers. So how do our friends and peers play a role in our first impression, Johnny? Well, it goes back to something we were saying earlier that we tend to be attracted or attract people who are like us. So if you, and we talked about all these different signals that you can be sending out, whether you're conscious of it or unconscious of it. So the attraction comes with similar or opposing similar insecurities. And those things are gonna come out through how you're presenting yourself. So if you are a little bit uncomfortable at the bar, and so then you do the normal thing that you always end up doing, which is crossing yourself off to that environment and maybe having a, which you don't even know, but you have like a, not necessarily a scowl, but an emotionalist face. What's interesting about this is the only people that are gonna be around in your area are other people feeling the exact same way. Kind of clumped together. Absolutely. So now there is reassurance and reaffirming that the body language and how you're feeling in that moment is now represented in other people. So it's now even more comfortable projecting what you're putting out there and trying and wondering why you're not enjoying yourself. And it's very easy to write people off based on who they're hanging out with, right? It's very easy for us to go, oh, okay, they don't seem interesting, even if there's one person in the group who is wearing that smile, who is making great eye contact, who is nailing these other signals. So understanding who you spend your time with while you're out actually plays a role in that first impression signal. Well, and certainly we hear this all the time. It's I made these changes in my life. I'm doing these things, but I find myself when I'm out with my friends, I still do the same things I've always done. Well, you're gonna be, we've talked about this, your thoughts and feelings, behaviors and actions are gonna be influenced by who you're having around you. So if they haven't made the concerted effort to make any changes, you are gonna be compelled to just continue doing the same things you've always done because they're not putting any effort into it. And a lot of our clients coming to the bootcamp had no idea about their first impression either. So if you're listening to this episode and you're going, well, holy cow, I didn't even realize that all these factors went into play here. And wow, now I'm concerned that I'm giving off the wrong first impression. Our first piece of advice is look at those four areas. Do you feel that you have some work to do? Rate yourself on your static.  Do you feel good about your body language? Do you think that your body language that you're sending out is the right signal, that openness, that attractiveness that we're talking about? And when it comes to your presentation, are you dialed in? Are you wearing clothes that fit you, that allow you to feel really good and showcase that level of success that you want other people to see? And lastly, are you surrounding yourself with the right people? Are you paying attention to that? Now, if you don't have the benefit of being able to come through an AOC bootcamp and get some feedback on your first impression, at least take an opportunity to videotape yourself, have your buddy or your friend while you're out, just throw up a little camera and watch you move throughout the venue, watch you interact with some people, just to film you, just to see what's going on with that nonverbal signal that we're sending out. That's a great way for you to start to get some feedback on this. And we incorporated video in the program exactly for this reason. I had taken a Dale Carnegie High Impact Presentation course. And I had always assumed, based on all of my experience on stage, in college and graduate school, presenting my ideas, public speaking, that I had my presentation skills in tip top shape. I really felt good about them. And I remember sitting down in class, you wanna talk about first impressions? I looked around the room and I'm like, I got this, I'm clearly the best one here. Everyone else's boss has sent them there. Their company's forced them to go here. I'm gonna get the gold star. So I went up to get my first speech and the instructor pulled out a camera. She's like, we're gonna film it and we're gonna film the next four you do. So five opportunities for me to be filmed. And I went up there, I felt pretty good about it and I was so excited to sit down with the instructor and go through it and hear all of the amazing moments of body language and posture and my delivery and when she hit play, I wasn't sure that that was the same video the talk that I just gave. It was jarring to see myself up there and to see some of the nervous ticks and the way the energy played out. That was completely subconscious for me, something that I was unaware of. And going through that course and being filmed five times, not only was able to correct these things that I was working on, but it happened pretty fast. It went from conscious, oh, I need to change this to, oh, that's how it's done. It became unconscious. And I saw over just a few days that my presentation in front of the room changed dramatically.  It's an easy choice. And seeing yourself on film can be that impetus. It happened in the course that I took with Dale Carnegie, it happens in our boot camp. We see it all the time. And it's very easy for you to find a friend, find a buddy, hell, find a stranger. Throw a camera and say, follow me around. I just wanna see what's going on with my body language. I wanna see what's going on with this first impression. The last thing I would say is to just survey people that you've met. I know it sounds corny, but a lot of us, if we just took the time to ask people what's your first impression of me? It's an exercise we do in the boot camp as well that allows you to get some feedback on this first impression so you can start to see what other people are perceiving about you. Well, you know, I see it on social media now where people will post what were your first thoughts of me when you first met me, those kind of things. Right. You always wanna be careful in what you're asking, because you might not like the answer. Let's take them with a grain of salt. Take them with a grain of salt. However, it's an easy way to find out how you presented yourself. So to recap, first impressions are indelible but often wrong and a lot of us think we're really good at reading people when in actuality we're typically picking a very small snapshot and a lot of times making the wrong judgment that can lead to disastrous results, writing people off. So understanding that we are wired to make snap judgments that are often wrong, we think here the high value thing to do is to show some empathy and give people a second and third chance like I did to Johnny on his negative first impression and he did to me. We would have never become friends, business partners here had we just allowed that negative gut reaction. That's wrong. That's based in fear. That's based in fear to guide who we should be associated with. Outside of that, let's not focus on reading all these signals coming out us from other people knowing that our judgments can be wrong. Let's focus internally on fixing the signals that we're sending, lead and control and work on the things that we have control over instead of fretting and worrying about the things we don't. It gives you power doing it that way rather than coming into a situation where you have to be reactive to everything. So focusing on the right things, focusing on yourself gives you that power and allows you to feel good and you don't have to go home wondering how well everyone viewed you.  When you take a look at those four areas, you find some areas for improvement. That's where the focus should be, fixing and cleaning up your first impression so that people can make better judgments on you and being more open and empathetic on the wrong signals that we tend to hold onto when we judge other people.