This is another example of a system used by men of a certain echelon of power and wealth to silence stories about them of all kinds. Ronan Farrow is describing catch and kill. It's the practice of buying the rights to an unreported story and intentionally never publishing it. We can't talk about catch and kill without introducing David Pecker. He's the chairman and CEO of American Media Inc., the parent company of this magazine. He's been a key player in the recent scandals involving President Trump. Back in 2006, Trump allegedly started an affair with Karen McDougal, a former playboy model, while married to his wife Melania. Trump later denied he had the affair, but McDougal says the relationship lasted about 10 months. After McDougal considered taking her story public, Trump had his personal lawyer Michael Cohen set up a deal with David Pecker. Turns out Cohen recorded these conversations with Trump. I need to open up a company for the transfer of all of that info regarding my friend David so that I'm going to do that right away. The deal was American Media Inc., using money from Trump's lawyer, would pay McDougal for the rights to her story and require her to sign a nondisclosure agreement, effectively forbidding her from speaking about any relationship she had with a then-married man. AMI never published the scoop on Trump's alleged affair with McDougal, but the story was eventually uncovered by The Wall Street Journal. This week on Trump Inc., we're looking at the business of silence, how President Trump buys it, and what the cost is for the country. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.


I think that's a trainer, that was the word. What is the best exercise for your advice? The one exercise. What is the one? The one that I can do. It's difficult for us to always thinking in this systems approach. What's less important or more important?  So as we come in, we're always taking this systems approach. And what you can actually see in the book, for example, is that we sort of divide things. We have some movement behaviors that we think we should be putting on your radar. Your ability to flex your hip, AKA get up and out of the ground or squat.  And so we need to put them on people's radars first. This is important because you're gonna use these things.


The Western Sydney Wanderers six year exile from Farners football is almost over and tonight they can confirm their place with a win over a team led by the last coach who took them to the promised land. Over the top it's Yenny and McClendon.


Rhaid oedd yn gwneud o'r peth i'r cyhoeddwyr i ddarparu'r cyhoeddwyr, felly ddim o'r ddweud o'r cyhoeddwyr? Er y dylai'r cyhoeddwyr yw'r cyhoeddwyr yn ei ddaf, ac â'r cyhoeddwyr yn ei ddaf, ddim o'r cyhoeddwyr? Rhaid o'r cyhoeddwyr, mae'r cyhoeddwyr yn ei ddaf. OK. What is device maffa? The other point I'll make is I've written quite a lot on the side in case you can't all hear every word I say. OK. So device maffa is a replacement for the logical volume manager that was in 2.4 and 2.2. Who uses logical volume management? LVM. Right, so I need to have some convincing to do as well. Who uses fedora? OK, different people. Evian. Yeah, Gen 2. Yeah, what phone is this? Cycler. Yeah. Hurt. OK. So it's all about volume management. The task here is to provide the generic component for volume management in the kernel to keep it simple, to keep the interface as simple, and to push the complexity out to user space where it's a lot easier to write code. So, as you can see on the third point, yep, is it working. So this was written in 2001 and it's been in the kernel now, must be a year and a half or so. What it doesn't do is it doesn't know about the metadata. It doesn't know what volume groups are, groups of logical, OK, I should start it. Who knows what logical volume is? Right, volume group. Yeah, so a logical volume is a... If you've got... Why are you going to use volume management? OK. Previously, you would use fdisk partition your physical devices. So we start off with a concept of a physical volume and that corresponds to a disk. If you were using fdisk, you would divide it into partitions and the partitions correspond to logical volumes. So when I say logical volume, it's like a partition, but it's a partition of not one disk. It's a partition spread across a group of disks. We take the physical volumes, we join them together into a volume group and then we allocate partitions out of that total amount of space. But we no longer care which disk is being used for any particular piece of data. So when I say what device wrapper is and what device wrapper is not, what device wrapper in the kernel is doing is the logical volume. It's implementing a logical volume just as the kernel previously implemented partitions. But that's all it's doing. The more complicated business of joining the physical volumes together into volume group, how to allocate space for new volumes, that's all done in user space. The kernel doesn't care about that. So this is a diagram showing how logical volume manager is down here in user space. And as with all good open source ideas, you've got a choice. You can use logical volume manager 2, which is what I work on, or you can use EVMS, which is what I get. Device wrapper is the kernel components that implement a logical volume. Both of these talk to the kernel and do their work in user space. On the LVM2 side, we have a user space library here, and this library hides the protocol between user space and kernel and wraps it in some easier to use library calls. DM Setup is a program that gives you complete access to the protocol between these two layers here. So everything you can do with device wrapper, you can do using a DM Setup command on the command line. But it just gives you the basics. LVM2 builds a lot around it, the concept of volume groups and so on, and similarly EVMS does. So what have we got from the kernel? This is a diagram of device wrapper showing all the different pieces of the thing that we've got today joined together, and I've missed a few pieces off as well. First of all, user space. That's what in previous diagrams show. I've put that all in a little log here. The interface we use is IOCTL. Originally, there was a lot of discussion, should we use a file system interface to pass the control commands to device wrapper? We started work on it, so we have both an IOCTL interface or a file system interface. You can choose which to use. We found very quickly that it was 10 ounce faster to write code for the IOCTL interface than it was for the file system interface, because of the constraints of reliability. So we very quickly abandoned the file system interface. The code is still there, but the reason I left it in this diagram is because the architecture has separated the interface from the core with another layer. So we've got an extra layer in between here, which does the common things that are needed for both the IOCTL interface or the file system interface. Now if we decided we didn't need this piece, then these would have been the same, merged together, and so slowly this boundary has disappeared now, as we've abandoned this one. Separately there is a block interface, and this is used when the IOCTL interface is going through. So the device wrapper core, which I'll describe in more detail later. And then we have what's called a map table target interface. If we'd written it today and we'd have called them map interface, when it was written they were called device wrapper targets. So all the code refers to target, which is rather a puzzling name. It doesn't really describe what it's doing at all. Mapping is what it's doing. It's mapping data from one device to another device according to a set of rules. And here are some of the rules that you could use. A linear mapping, which just has to take these blocks from one device and map them linearly to these blocks on this device. Then with mirroring, obviously, cloning the data between the two. Snapshot and multi-path. How many people here are interested in multi-path? Oh, fair enough. I'll say a bit more about that later. Multi-path has four modules at the moment. And these are going to grow in number over the next year. This is where all the activity is at the moment. K-copody is a kernel service for copying data from one device to another. So mirror needs to use this. It's a separate kernel thread. Mirror says, I need to copy this data from here to here. And asks K-copody to do it. When K-copody is finished, it calls back to mirror and says, I finished. And then mirror might decide to ask for support if you copy it. OK. So map devices abbreviate into ND. Not to be confused with the other meaning of ND in the current software rate. A map device is specified by a table saying how to map a range of logical sectors of the device using one of the map links. This will become clearer later on. Submit and copy that. We use a B-tree so that we can have very complicated map links if necessary. So if you wanted to, you could replace all the spam sectors on your device with sectors on another device. And just less individually the sectors that you wanted to replace. It's also been useful for people with Windows interoperability. In that Windows is capable of writing partitions that start at an odd number of sectors into the device. And the existing kernel code sort of assumes that things always start at even sensible positions. But Windows do that. This doesn't care. This will let you have odd numbers of sectors. So this is what I'm saying about a table. You say where it starts, how long it is, how you want to map it, linear, strut and whatever. And then it details the needs of your map link. Throughout the device map, we give sizes in sectors. We decided this earlier on at sectors almost 512 bytes when we refer to a sector. So an example table here would say nought with a length of 3268 sectors. So that's 16 megabytes and then some mapping. And then the next line says for the next 16 megabytes of the device, I want some other mapping here. Will we refer to devices in the tables because if we have a linear mapping we need to say what it maps onto? We have a choice. We could give it's name, their age to be a, or we could give it's major and minor number. The advantage of the major and minor is it saves us having to look up in the kernel what that major and minor corresponds to. And giving it a path name look up could involve potentially going through several file system layers and potentially allocating memory, reading things off disk even bits. It's a lot more efficient to use this. These are some of the map links that are available so far and the next few slides will take you through what you can do with them. The error mapping, a very simple one, it returns an error when an EIO is passed to it. So this would allow you to replace a disk and make it appear reusable to your application. Not very useful. But if you've regenially lost a disk that's part of a larger logical volume or part of some software range you might, maybe it's that you've got ten disks in this volume and you've just lost one of them. There might be something to begin with by still putting together the pieces from the other nine disks and replacing the missing one with errors so you can then read them directly. Or it may be more useful to replace them with zeros. So you can replace an arbitrary piece of disk with zeros. For example, I can create a 16 terabyte device by using that table. Even though I don't have real 16 terabytes, I can pretend I've got 16 terabytes and zeros. And we'll use this one later on. So oligio table here, start this length, write, use HDA and start from sector 384. So when you write a sector 0 of this virtual device, this logical volume, that will translate to sector 384 on the error of HDA. A stripe mapping. So what we need here is a list of stripes. So if this is two-way stripe, two stripes, put a two here, list the two devices, starting from sector more to each of them. And this is saying how wide the stripes are to be. In this case, 256K. Always expressed in centres. So you have to shout, right, this is a crypt, one. So it's a crypt, the data that goes through it. It uses the kernel crypt to any guy, so it doesn't have any encryption itself. It plays on the existing encryption and the kernel. You have to pass it all these parameters here. But there's a pass tool to handle that for you called crypt setup. Of course, you can see what the ciphers are from the proper crypto. It's a block cipher. And you can vary the block cipher by adding an initial vector. So this means you're not going to be using the same key for every block on your disk because that's not going to be good for the cryptographic setup. So the default is what we call play. And it just adds a number of the sector value to the initial vector. But there's been an enhancement recently called ESSIV, which is a more complicated way of generating the IV and avoids watermark problems with this because sector one, sector two, sector three. You just know the relationship between the initial vectors. It's better to jump on one of them first. There's an option for chain mode, but the only one available is CBC. The other one doesn't use an initial vector, so it's just not secure. And you supply the key in X. So that's the example table for this one. Snapshot, okay, we'll get onto some pictures now. Snapshot samples the state of the device at a particular instance. They're particularly useful for taking backups. If you try making a backup using tar, or by just reading through the file system and copying it to your backup media, you're going to find that the data is changing during the backup. And in the worst case, tar can be working down this bit of the file system recording to the backup, carry on down the next bit of the tree. And while that's happening, you might decide to move a directory from here when tar hasn't got it yet, to somewhere where tar has already finished backing up. So about the time tar gets to the end, it never backs up your important directory because you move it out of tar's way. If you do this, it takes a snapshot at an instance. And then all the changes made after that are recorded so that it can recreate what the original file system looked like at that instance. So you have to set aside some space to record what happens when there are changes. It doesn't make a complete copy. It just needs enough space to hold what's changing. So here is how we handle the snapshots. First of all, you've got a logical volume and you're doing some reads and types through it onto the physical volumes down here. OK. And then we've created how. Copy on write. So this is going... Whenever something is written here, it's going to make a copy of the original data here before it lets us proceed. So what we have to do is put some layers ahead of the original devices. So the same I.R. is coming in here, but instead of going straight to logical volume 1, we have to intercept it, and maybe we have to do something with it. Similarly, on this side, we have to track any writes to the snapshots. So we'll deal with reading, first of all, very simple. We want to read something from here. Nothing's changed yet, so we can just read it straight up from the original basis through the logical volume. If we want to read from the snapshots, it's the same. We can just read the data straight through the logical volume and read them. And at this point, both the snapshots and the original device are acting on. Now, however, we write a block to their origin. So the origin says, has anything been written to this before? No. I'd better make a copy of it first. So it tells a snapshot that something is about to be written to this device and exactly where. The snapshot then reads the data from the logical volume and writes a copy of it into the copy of write area when it's finished, tells the origin it's finished, and then the write can proceed. And, of course, if there was a subsequent write to the same piece of data, to the same area there on this, it can go straight through this time because it's already made a copy. So that's the diagram pulling together the previous slide showing all the algorithms in one place. Now we're going to write a block to the snapshot. Well, we just write it to the copy of write area. We make a note of it. We don't have to look at the logical volume here at all. If we've already written to this place, well, we're just overwriting the data that I've commented to. No, that's right. If we're just overwriting the data that's already there and if it hasn't, we just make a note if there was a write here to the same place, it wouldn't have to copy it. When we read the snapshot, we read it straight from the copy of write area, where it's been changed, and that's a summary showing how the IO flows around the snapshot. If there's time, I'll show you some of these directly later. If you have a second snapshot, it's completely independent. You can't hear it right. So the second snapshot is completely independent. It makes a second copy of the changes. So if you have ten snapshots, you have ten copies. So it just doesn't scale. And there is some work going on at the moment by Daniel Phillips to produce a version of this where all the snapshots share the same copy of write area. Next one, Mira takes a copy of the data. We divide it into regions, fairly large, 512k, and we do all our accounting in terms of those regions. So we build up a little bit of that, saying one bit for every region, saying whether the regions are identical or out of safety. That bitmap could be at memory or it could be on disk. And this is, again, it's modular, so you can choose which one to use. If it's a temporary Mira, you'll use the core. If it's permanent, you'll use disk. Parameter lines are starting to get a bit more complicated now. And with multi-power to get a ten turn towards. But it's still nicer being an ASCII. So the disk log needs to know where am I writing this log, how big is the region, and when I start up, is the device already in sync or not? If it's already in sync, it just assumes the data is already identical on both devices. If it's not already in sync, it makes a copy in the background, using K copy P, of all the data from the first device over to the second device. PV move, you use as a mirror. PV move lets you move all the data off a physical volume. So if you want to remove a disk, and there is a logical volume on that disk, you first run PV move to tell it to move the data somewhere else in the volume. So it breaks the data up into sections and then uses the mirror to move the data somewhere else. So originally, your logical volume is on disk 1. Afterwards, your logical volume is on disk 2.  So the data is now going to here and here, and K copy D is copying the data from here to here at the background. When it's finished, you take it away, and you're back on PV2. Okay, a little bit of multi-path. I don't know whether the writing can be read right in the back, so I'll try and explain. The top half is kernel space, and the bottom half is user space. Oh, I should tell you. Does anybody need an explanation of what multi-path is? Yeah? Okay. Sometimes in high availability environments, you want to double up everything. You want two of everything. So if one of them fails, you've got another one that can carry on working. What multi-path does is give you multiple paths to the same disk. So you might put two separate discards in your machine, two separate cables from there to the disks, and typically you're using five-channel switches, five-channel cards. It's usually quite expensive and quick, but these days it comes cheaper. You can use iSCSI, so you can have your disk on one machine and export SCSI commands over IP to another machine. So your disk will appear to the local. Okay, so device number is this block here. Encodes, of course. Your low-level disk drivers will appear. When your device appears, so a new disk is plugged in, or a new cable is plugged in, or something that wasn't working has been fixed, we use SysFS and the hot plug mechanism to tell you the space that a new device has appeared. And a diva here called multi-path B scans the devices, looks at a configuration file, and decides how to set up a device number to know about multiple paths. So the IO will be sent down one path, multi-path D, device number will decide which path to send it down. If it's an error, it gets an error, then it will retry it down a different path, and it will carry on until it's no path left. I've got a demonstration of this later. SPARS device. This is where we can use our N16 terabyte zero device. I can now create a 16 terabyte file system, even if I've only got, say, a few tens of megabytes. I can take a snapshot of a zero device, and then write to the snapshot. So this gives me a SPARS device. It only writes the data that I write to it. So as long as I don't write more than 10 megabytes to it, the location of those 10 megabytes can be anywhere within this 16 terabyte address space. Or, of course, on 64-bit, I can go a lot bigger. Right. A bit more about the IoT-TL interface. I'll probably go through a bit of it faster now, because it's a lot more for the programs, and then get onto some examples towards the end. So it communicates with an IoT-TL through a MISC control device. Normal major numbers has minus 63, but the 63 is dynamic, so you have to create a device that can control your cell originally. January of this year, we finally added some code, added some logic to Lib DevMapper, so that it would create this device automatically if it was there, and if it was there, it would have a raw miner number that would fix it. So the hacks that the likes of Fedora have to do to create the DevMapper control aren't necessary anymore. It's restricted to Root. The other Root can create logical volumes of loadings. As Alan was saying earlier, this means we don't have to be as careful of our security as we would have to be otherwise. There are some things we do which, if not Root users can use the IoT-TL, then we have to change what's extra restrictions. The actual payload of information is between user space and the kernel of the request. It's a variable size because these tables can be huge. We don't know in advance how big it's going to be. If user space is asking the kernel what is the table at the moment? What is my current set of map links? Then it has to create enough space in advance for the kernel to fill in, if there isn't enough space, then you get this flag, the above fortune set. And user space should then reach out with a larger number. We have to put a lot of care into the versioning. We, at the time we were originally writing this, lots of people have problems with the previous version of LVM. In the previous version of LVM, the version number of the user space code had got to match the version number of the kernel. Because the interface was often changed, whenever the interface was changed, it wouldn't work. This was a problem. If you were upgrading your kernel, and you wanted to switch between two kernels, sometimes you wanted to boot with one kernel or 100 times with another, you had to keep changing your user space utilities, according to what kernel was that. So, instead of that, we put a much more flexible versioning system in, and the LVM number in user space does all the work to make sure the right version of the IACT alcohols is used. So, the first amount available is the end version, and this just tells you the version number. And we guarantee that this will continue to work, even if we change an age number, if we make significant changes to the interface in the future, all the version number it looks at is the first little bit of the request structure. So, if we extend it in the future, that goes at the end, and all you have to do is change the major number, and it will look at this and say, oh, the major numbers are different, I can't do anything. And then it's up to LVM DevMap to say, oh well, the major number is something different. If I know how to use that different major number, I'll try that. List versions shows you the targets available, whether you've got linear, striped, multi-path, it tells you what is currently loaded in the curve, together with version numbers again. If you want to create a new device, you have to give it a name, which can be up to 127 characters, or a new ID, which can be up to 128 characters. For some reason, there's a difference of one here. Something to do with a trailer in null and arguably a typo, but it's two ways to fix it. You can fix the major and minor number, if you wish, but you don't have to. It will allocate one dynamically, but in some cases, like if you've got servers that give out the major number and minor number other in the handle, then you may want, and you're using failover, you may want to have the same minor numbers on both systems that you've failed over to, and they can be read out. You've three ways of referencing devices. You've got the name, the user ID, or the major and minor number, and you can choose. Device number is meant for the user, so that should be something nice and readable. For example, the volume group and the logical volume name. The user ID is meant for the system, meant to be unique, and once you create a new device, there is no way of changing it. So you can guarantee that if an application uses a new user ID, it will get back the same device. Device number is also... Of course, if you can create it, you can remove it, and there's some nasophilus still in here. For testing, we have a remove all option that deletes everything. You can rename, but you can't change the user ID. Obviously, we get a list of the devices, and then you've got to be able to learn the map names. So we now have two slots for map names, an active and an inactive one. When you load the table up, it goes into an inactive slot first. And if there's already one in that slot, it gets replaced. You can, of course, clear what's in that inactive slot. And then the main mechanism for changing the mapping of a device is suspend and resume. If you suspend the device, it will queue all the IO being sent to it. So if you suspend the device map of the device, the IO stops at the device map of the lab, and it waits while you're making all these changes. If there's any IO still on its way to the disk, waiting to be completed, waiting to come back from the disk, then it waits until that's all finished. So there's no IO happening below that lab. If you have a file system involved, such as XFS, it tells the file system to freeze. And that means the file system will stop processing operations. The file system will make sure it's journal is up to date and everything is clean worthy to FSTK it. So when you take a snapshot, in principle, if all this has worked, your snapshot will not need an FSTK, but it will mount to Queen. And the final thing that a resume will be is move the inactive table into the active spot. So it will, by resuming a device, it makes the device active with a new table. Yes, Paul? It's got an enterprise feature, but is this a better way of doing guaranteeing that from the disk? Of doing that, Tom? You should freeze before doing that, yes. And there are plenty of other examples where this is useful. If you're temporarily wanting to suspend something, but you can do that by calling the freeze directly. You have to have to do it through the device. There are other uses of device on things like if you're distributing an operating system to a number of machines in the cluster, or desktops, and you want the wall to have the same file system image of it, read-only file system for your clients. You can use a snapshot type mechanism for updating and then switching between the old file system and the new file system. It gets queued in memory, yes. If there's not enough memory, you start having problems. So firstly, if you're doing this, you want to do it for a very short time. Unless you've got lots of memory, you want to suspend and resume for the shortest possible time. Well, you have to try it. Yes. It uses memory and the release of LVM2 was delayed for about two months fixing this particular problem for PVMove. Because PVMove wouldn't have the system if you had done memory. I don't believe it does today. So we used to have an info call which gives you the basic information about the device. Is it active? Has it got to the table? Is it redone? But we felt that this was being called so many times a bit like STAT. We decided instead to build it into the other commands. So when the other commands return, they fill these fields in instead. So you don't have to call this, especially. The only caveat to that is when VD be the only count we return how many times the device is referenced. For example, if it's mounted that counts as one. But it turns out to do that you have to take a lock and this was effective in performance so we made this option on the mail. But did it back when we were compatible with the new software to say I don't need this information. So we have the status command and this is aimed at the target. It means a mirror can return information saying I'm 50% of the way through my copy. I'm 90% full and you can monitor that and suggest that you need to make a bit more space available. It's a very, very primitive signaling mechanism to tell the user space that something important doesn't say what but it means user space doesn't have to keep polling the curve to say are you ready yet? Are you ready yet? It can just sleep and when an event happens it will be woken up and then it can go and check but this was just something to start with and replace it with something more complicated like that. This one as far as I know is nothing to use it but it's seen a good idea at the time. It gives you a list of all the devices referenced by another device. So ignoring all the mappings in there mirror snapshot regardless of the complexity gives you a simple list saying this user's HDA, HDB HDC, it just tells gives you a list of the devices used without any more information. And then we have recently added a message that basically passes an ASCII string to one of the targets. So we need this in multi-path. After a path has failed and it comes back again user space has to tell the multi-path target and the path is available again. So it sends it to a message like this and I'll show you that in a few minutes. Lived back to what I mentioned earlier the tools I mentioned earlier will be able to EVMS DM-setup is this one? So you just have commands like DM-setup version DM-setup create and one of the more recent ones DM-setup info-c which gives you a column base output. Logical volume management I'm going to skip through these slides a bit now because we're rather short of time. This was a separate sort of one hour talk just then slipped in why you might want to use logical volume management but you can read this slide all the way from afterwards why we went into LVM2 some of the recent LVM2 extensions PVMove is implemented in a different way from LVM1 it works because it tells the device map you need to copy this data from here to there. The device map gets on and does it and it uses this event mechanism for polling so you have a choice if you use something like base-r5 that means ask the kernel every 5 seconds have you finished yet? and the kernel might say yes or no and tell you how far it's gone so that gives you a display of how far it's not going to copy every 5 seconds so of course you use different numbers instead of 5 if you leave that out or I think it's I-naught or something instead it will just poll it asks the kernel once when you're finished if the machine dies during the copy the move is being done by this mirror target with an in-call lock so the information about what's been copied and what hasn't is all in memory but it breaks it down into pieces and once the first piece is finished user space PVMove waits up and writes to this ok that piece is finished tells the kernel to get on with the next piece so this means that you can lose power on the machine reboot and the PVMove will carry on approximately from where it was before we'll just go back to what that's checked and set the automatic game so you have to run a vg if you run a vg change a y part of activating the volume group is to continue with the PVMove alternatively if you do it by hand you could just say PVMove.dev.spd without any more parameters if that's what it was and it would spot oh there's already a PVMove.spd obviously that's the one you want me to carry on running and then this one will create a new type argument gives you access at the moment to the zero and the error so you can create a segment a lot of zeros in logical volume using this and in the future this will be expanded to some other types for example positive mirrors and positive snap shorts will appear as different type arguments here those will be announced in LVM2 I'm going to go right across those what the new metadata looks like where I'll be able to off-skip that some links I think that's like one that's in half a place no, it's right I finished on that so the main list Christof Sallach is on the acrypto so the main list the main list for a acrypto target, the Acrypt isn't that address there are links to everything from here that's the main website for the device number yeah, the acrypt Christof Baraki is the he has got the site for both in half the slides will go this URL and be linked to there after the event is over and I've got back home and then there's the obligatory output for a conference in Swansea that I organised looking for speakers we found a few days in south Wales right, so I'll now demonstrate to some of this so what I've got here if the network is behaving is that what we've got networking here so it should be working so it's just we'll get that that's better right, so what I've got here I'll run through some of these quickly if there's anything I've set this one up earlier just to show you how you can stack devices together that's the list of devices at the moment I've got a logical volume naught logical volume naught major and minor number like that I've got a couple of crypts devices and some ones that have a link if I use here is set up info.sc some of these are all on main so they've wrapped around but you can see it gives you the major number and minor number, the status and you can look up on the map page what these symbols mean there's a live table there the W means it's right the open account each of them has got one thing using it at the moment reference count they're very similar targets just one and the events the events are all numbered so you can avoid racing missions if you want now let's look at the tables oh I should say if you run into you get a more discreet version it just goes up the top of the screen Alistair Alistair could you show us what's in slash that, slash macro oh yes, denim macro so these are the lot devices that's a good idea and you can see the control device control there the idea is set up at the table this shows me what the map is actually are right not very well laid out but you can see that the first one is a logical volume pretty big I think that's about two terabytes so something strained across two devices the major and minor numbers are here so minor numbers are two and three and now we're off the top of the screen but two and three are actually the cryptards down here so that is strained across some encrypted devices they're encrypted with advanced encryption standard and over devices two by three minor number one and a minor number naught and that's the key that's used for encryption we don't hide it if you route you can put it in if you can take it out I think it's quite right that it shouldn't be visible like that because it reminds people that the key is present in the curve all the time that you are using that encrypted device so it is easily obtained so the only way of getting rid of the key is to disable the device on the mount of the file system so then we've got devices underneath so what I've got is a multi-path with crypt on top with stripes on top of that with a logical volume and a file system on top of that so I've stepped up quite a few words I didn't put a snapshot in but I thought that would be enough at the multi-path you can see the arguments are much more complicated and if you're not a computer programme it's if you don't want to start reading all those you won't have this way there's a status amount 3, 4, 5 status it's been finished and this one again is pretty difficult to work out which always are a game interactive that tells me all we have to act so instead there's a tool there's a tool that does it for you ignore the error messages so this tells me more clearly that I've got four multi-path devices there it sends the IO around Robin and it's using these four first if those four paths were all to fail then it would start using the second route instead it would switch to that route or to that route if I put the IO step down again you can see that there's stuff happening on the various devices if I kill multi-path B so the paths won't be automatically enabled I can do dc set up and find it I can use the message command to tell multi-path to fail device ok so if I now run multi-path again well that hasn't worked that hasn't worked it was supposed to show some of the devices to fail I bet multi-path B has just started to get and it's automatically re-enabled but it's still there but if we have to import the cable out ok any questions the next speaker wants to cover you set up yes definitely well any one volume you can use at the same time of course but you can split a volume in half and use one key for the first half of the different key for the second half if you wanted to change so could you change the key of the volume basically the same and yes you could change the key of the volume by and the way to do it is like being moved slowly move the set up and mirror between the new devices take one section of the file first getting mirror between the device with one key and the device with a new key when it's finished mirror you can use instead of the other one and you can use yes you can start with a volume not a crypt in a different way I think someone has written a tool to do that I think it's always from the crypt's web page for that ok and now it's cut


I'm so stoked. I'm so grateful to be back with the Wanderers. It was an amazing experience last year and to be back again is just so amazing. I'm keen for the season to start. I'm keen for all our work that we've been putting together and like putting together. I'm just looking for that to like show the results a little bit. Yeah definitely to keep working hard. I think last season I was grateful to play and to be on the field and have some starting positions and I think I'm going to keep pushing for that, keep developing my skills at the centre back. I had some things to take away from our seasons and reflect on and I'm hoping to put that into my game this year. Yeah we're so excited. I think the vibe is amazing. We're keen, we're ready. I think we've had the best pre-season possible. We've all been working hard together and pushing ourselves and I'm just excited to see the results. So we're aiming to win. We want to win. We've been so excited to start the season so our goal, our aim, we've made a few goals and one of them is to win so that means winning every game possible and to go in there and just work hard.


There are no easy games in the WCHA and all points are just as important. That's what the BSU men's hockey team will tell you, but a matchup against 1-12-1 Alaska Anchorage this weekend in the last series before the break, well that's an opportunity you just can't let slip away. An opportunity slipped away last weekend. The Beavers took a 2-1 lead into the third period against Alabama Huntsville, then gave up three unanswered goals for a 4-2 loss. The Chargers took advantage of the opportunities the Beavers gave them and the team says that can't happen again. When you have a lead going into the third period, you got to close the deal. You got to close the deal and we didn't close it last Saturday. We're typically a team that plays well with a lead. No, we, you know, it was a let down, but you got to move on and I've moved on. It took two days, but I've moved on and we got to worry about Anchorage right now. The Beavers have been shorthanded lately because of injuries and illness. Last Saturday they started 10 underclassmen and two defensemen forward. So the Beavers have had to epitomize a next man up mentality. We just need the right guys. We need guys who are willing to skate and willing to pressure even though we're hurt right now. I think we've been playing some decent hockey with the guys we've had in the lineup. Should be a winnable series. The Beavers swept Anchorage earlier this season and the Seawolves have scored just five goals in their 10 conference games this season.


Back to a term. I guarantee you had a ninth grade biology with any luck You have not thought about this word since then. Do you remember homeostasis? Homeostasis having an ideal body temperature an ideal level of glucose in the bloodstream having an ideal everything being in homeostatic balance a Stressor is Anything in the outside world that knocks you out of homeostatic balance You're some zebra and a lion has leapt out and ripped your stomach open and your integer dragging in the dust And you still need to get out of there This counts as being out of homeostatic balance or or you're that lion who's half starved to death And if you don't manage to chase something down to eat You're not going to survive the night a short-term physical crisis And the stress response is what you do with your body you secrete adrenaline and 11d other hormones. I won't torture you with the stress response Reestablishes homeostatic balance. That's all you need to know about the subject if you're a zebra or a lion If you're human though, you've got to expand the definition in a very critical way Which is among us some of the time we turn on the stress response because we've had a challenge to homeostatic balance All of that sort of thing But some of the time we turn on the stress response because we think we're just about to be stressed And if it turns out that you're right hooray for you, you know, here comes the elephant You don't have to wait to be stomped by it before increasing your blood pressure You can have an anticipatory stress response, which is great on the other hand if you think that way all the time And you're constantly assuming that there are stressors coming that do not really exist We have technical terms for you.  You're being paranoid. You're being hostile. You are being profoundly human Sit down a pippo and try to describe what the prime lending rate is and it's got to have no idea what you're talking about But we do and that's the central concept in the whole field. We Cognitively socially sophisticated primates turn on the exact same stress response as does that zebra running for its life Or a lion running for a meal and we turn it on for purely psychological Reasons we turn it on with memories with emotions with thoughts and the whole punchline is is that's not what it evolved for What stress is like for 99% of the beasts on this planet is three minutes of screaming terror in the savannah After which it's either over with a you're over with and what do we do? We turn on the identical stress response for 30-year mortgages and that's where you begin to get the wear and tear in the system


has heard no mind what God has for you today. And that is hope. I'm Amy Schaefer. I am here with Corey and Sidney Sidney. Tell us about our guest today. Well, you know, long suffering is a fruit of the spirit. But how many of us truly want to go through hardship and endure pain? Well, coming up on hope today, we're going to have a conversation with Glenn Damon, a pastor from Washington state who was passionate about helping the body of Christ navigate through tough times and discover God's character in the midst of it. You know, Corey and Amy, I think this is a conversation. We all walk through storms. You know, I've heard it's either you're out of a storm, you're about to walk through one, you're in one, you're coming out of one. But it's so important for us, Corey, to just really understand and have a perspective of God when we're going through trials and tribulations. And you know, when I think about that word navigation, I think about a ship and a boat. And I think about the different generations like I'm part of the millennial generation, then there's the baby boomers. And sometimes there's this disconnect of information. And I think that both sides need to really listen. And it's such a wonderful thing when the elders can come and begin to say, Hey, I've been through these storms. I've learned how to navigate the winds, the winds of change, the winds of family, the winds and dynamics of relationships and ministry. And as time changes, it's important that we take the time to use wisdom and say, Hey, listen, how do I do this without sinking my ship and sinking my life at the same time? So this is a really good conversation. I love this topic. I just love hardships and trials and suffering and tribulation. It's my favorite thing ever. It's funny because my favorite scripture growing up was, you know, in this world, you'll have trouble and trials and tribulations, but be a good cheer. I've overcome the world. And at that age and stage, I had not even touched of trials or tribulations or suffering. But I do know this, that it is that deep work of God in you when you do go through stuff, when you go through the fire, when you go through the storm, when you go through the winds, you go through the floods. That is when some deep things come out of you and you see the deep things of God. That is why, Sydney, you have to know the character of God. It's better to know before you enter the trial than it is when you're just trying to figure it all out and get lost. Yeah, you know, I think it too, like when you're walking through hardships and tribulations and trials, there's even times where God, he reveals an aspect of himself. And I know our guests, he'll be sharing about that in just a moment.  We know that many of you you call into Cornerstone, which produces Hope Today from all different parts of whether you're in the Pennsylvania area, you're in Pittsburgh, you're in Florida, Alabama, wherever you are. I know we have like when we're on YouTube, if you watch us from there, that a lot of you are really walking through some hardships and some hard times and we don't want to make light of any of those situations. And we just want to let you know that we are always here for you 24-7 and we have a prayer line that we would love for you to call. You can call at any point, any moment during the show at<PHONE_NUMBER> because this is why we exist and why we're here because we want you to hold on to Jesus and know that you're not alone. Well, you know, if you're going through a storm or even feel shipwrecked, this next conversation is for you. And joining us today, I talk about how to shelter in the struggles of life is Pastor Glenn Damon of River Christian Church in Stevenson, Washington. And as we dive into this conversation, it is our heart here on Hope Today. You will have a greater revelation about God, his nature and character as you are going through life. Pastor Glenn, we're so glad to have you joining with us today. Well, thank you. It's a joy to be here. And even though it's early morning on the West Coast, it's still good to be here. Well, we're so glad that you are up and you're ready just to pour out your heart and wisdom to our viewers. And before we dive into our conversation about how to navigate through the storms and the struggles of life, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Well, I grew up on a farm in Idaho. And then from there, I've been pastoring rural churches. And that's kind of been the focus of my ministry. And so for the last 30 years, I've been here in Stevenson, just serving the Lord and enjoying learning to grow in him. And I think that's the journey. The journey really is not about ministry. It is so much about just growing in Christ and growing in the understanding of him. Yeah, it's so important to just like growing in our knowledge and understanding of God. And I just want to ask you, Pastor Glenn, so what has your experience been like as a pastor? You know, you wrote a book called The Lighthouse where you really help people navigate through the struggles and hardship of life. So can you tell us what your experience has been? You said that you've pastored like small churches in different places. What has it been like for you to walk with people that are going through hardships? What has God shown you?  I mean, we are constantly imbarded, bombarded with with challenges. And I think back at this last four or five years, the amount of changes that have occurred in in our culture and in our society. And really these devotionals were an outgrowth of kind of COVID when that hit. And how did I how were we to connect with people when we were kind of isolated? The church was shut down for a time. And so these devotionals were really written from that context, because we have a culture today that's just driven by fear. You know, we see fear today in terms of politics, we see fear today in terms of all the environmental issues. COVID certainly struck fear into hearts of people. And so as a pastor, you know, how do we encourage people and how do we give them strength to face the challenges that our culture is now facing? And so that's really, really the starting point of of the book. And what my desire is, is that that we really develop a better view of God. You know, I think that the problem is we are, the scripture says we are to fear the Lord and to fear him. But the problem is we fear everything but God. And we have to go back and recognize that God is the one who established this universe. He's the one that's in control. And so we don't need to fear because the crisis we're facing, I think in our culture today, and it doesn't matter whether it's in our culture or in our individual lives, the crisis is not a crisis of morality. It's a crisis of theology. It's a crisis of our understanding of God and who he is and how that connects with us in our life and how we then view our life because how we understand God will influence how we view our circumstances and the adversity that we face and the struggles we face. And so that's really been the bulk of what I've learned in ministry is that people are facing challenges. I face challenges every day, but it only comes from my relationship with God. Can I deal with those challenges? In a past, Glenn, you brought up like a really good point, I think, at this whole idea of fearing the Lord. I mean, we know fear is so rampant in our culture. And we even see like after the pandemic, there's so many of these aftershocks, you know, like so many people are just suffering and going through things. So what would you say when it comes to fearing the right thing, fearing the Lord, but when you're walking through a hardship and a hard time, how does that go hand in hand? How do we have the fear of the Lord and how does that fit into when we are walking through suffering? Because suffering is inevitable in the human experience. I think the book of Job gives us a good example of that. You know, as you read the book of Job, the thing that Job was dealing with when he went through that incredible suffering where he lost everything. The question that Job was dealing with was why? Why did God allow this to happen? Why did God bring these circumstances into my life? And that was the question his three friends that showed up that they were asking as well. And that's the question we always ask when we're going through suffering is why me? Why is God allowing this? But really the key to the book of Job is found when a life who shows up who was kind of the fourth friend and he comes along the scene and he says you're asking the wrong question. Instead of asking why, we need to be asking who. You know, who is the one that's in control? Who is the one that's overseeing our universe? When we think about suffering, you know, we deal with the why, but God calls us to deal with the who and to recognize he's in control and he's the one that's overseeing. He's the one that's orchestrating things. I always like to say that God is not the cause of evil. He's not the cause of suffering. We live in a broken world because of sin and sin brings suffering, but he's the orchestrator of those things that he takes those things and he orchestrates them according to his purpose so that he can bring his change in us and his perspective in our lives. And that's what we need to get out of suffering is suffering is the tool that God uses to reorient our thinking because it confronts us with our values. It confronts us with what's important and it confronts us with our understanding of God. If we have a limited understanding of God, then our problem is going to be overwhelming. Paul says, you know, that all things work together for good to them that are called according to his purpose. He doesn't say all things are good because suffering is not good. It's not part of God's design, but he works and he accomplishes his purpose in the midst of our suffering. But when we have a faulty view of God, when our God becomes too small, then our problems become overwhelming. And that's why I say that really what we have in the struggle with suffering is a theological question, not just a circumstantial question.  I didn't mean to go ahead. Now, one thing I just love like what you're talking about, because there's like two quotes in your book that were just really hit home for me. And you said one of them is trials and adversity are tool God uses to strip away insignificant things in our lives. And the second one is the issue is not the size of the struggles we face, rather the real issue is the size of the God in whom we trust. And I know a lot of times, even in my own life, when I'm walking through something, it's sometimes it's just like that question of why am I going through this God? What is happening? And I love what you're saying is just like looking at who he is and having a greater understanding and perspective of the nature and character of God. Pastor Glenn, I just want to ask you, can you share with us the time that you went through a really rough time and then God showed you who he is? Boy, there's there's a number of them. But even recently, you know, I've been going through some challenges in ministry. You know, ministry is the call to ministry is a call to pain. And I think sometimes as pastors, we don't realize that. And when we start ministry, you know, I've been in circumstances where some of the people closest to me have ended up being critical and my ministry. And so there's always that challenge. But one of the things that I like to do is I like to go out at night and take night pictures of the Milky Way, because it's a reminder to me of how big God is. The James Webb Telescope has estimated that the furthest light out there, the furthest star is 28 billion light years away. Well, a light year is, you know, the speed of light is to go around the earth seven times in a second. That's the speed of light. Now multiply that by 28 billion light years. And the Bible says he measures the universe with the span of his hand. Now, if our God is that big, and I think when we're going through trials, and when I go through trials and I'm, you know, facing circumstances, and we all have them where we're we're faced with our limitation, because that's what trials confront us with our failures, our limitations. And we face circumstances that are beyond our ability. We need to remember that the God who measures the universe with the span of his hand is the one who says I will take care of you.  And he's in control and he's got a purpose for this. But his perspective is different than mine. My perspective is how does this affect me in the here and now? How does this affect me in the present? God's perspective is how does this affect eternity? And so in our suffering, he realigns us to get us to view things from an eternal perspective rather than a present's perspective. And Pastor Go and I love that so much and just seeing like that vision.  But just even in the midst of like what you're walking through and what you're going through, just that vision of you just standing out and looking at the galaxy, looking at what our creator made. What? Ah, like sometimes I think all of us like that those moments when we're able to go out in nature, I love going on walks and just being among the trees and just even being like, God, you did really, really good on earth that we get to live here and enjoy it. And you know, Pastor Go and I just really just feel in my spirit, you know, a lot of people can relate to what you're walking through of a hardship, especially in ministry or maybe their ministry might be in their job or with their family. Can you just take a moment and speak to the heart of that viewer, that person that's watching right now that really feels like everything is out of control. Can you take a moment just to speak to their heart? Well, again, we look at God. Our tendency, how does the finite grass the infinite because that's the struggle. And we grasp the infinite by making him finite. So in order to try to understand God, we bring him down to our level and we make him into kind of a Superman, but he's still a man. And the challenge, I think in the midst of suffering is going back and saying, God is so much grander than we can imagine. And he's infinite in all of his attributes and all of his character. So we have to put our circumstances within the context of that by just learning to trust in him. You know, Psalms 37 says, delight yourself in the Lord and he'll give you the desires of your heart. That's not a blank check. That's a promise that if we delight in him, he becomes the desire of our hearts. And I, you know, you look at people that go through incredible suffering. My wife had just read the autobiography of Corey Ten Boom. And we look at her life and we look at Joni Eriksson. You know, here are individuals that have gone through incredible suffering, but they've triumphed through that. And the reason was is because they learned that their delight was not in their circumstances or their situation. Their delight was in God. And that's, I think, what we we've lost some in our Christian faith is that we focus on our worship, on what God has done for us rather than who he is. And when our focus is only on what he has done for us, the problem is then we become driven by not only emotionally by our circumstances, but theologically by our circumstances. And God invites us into a relationship to know him. And when we know him, the more we know him, the more we realize from an internal perspective how these things that we face in the present really are temporary. What's eternal is that relationship with him. And that's to me where it starts dealing with suffering in our life. That's so good. Pastor Glenn, when you were studying the attributes of God, what was one of the most shocking attributes that's maybe sort of off of our radar? I think the one that we probably struggle with the most that I think is the most difficult for all of us to grasp is holiness. You know, because we can we got a sense of love because we love. We got a sense of righteousness and justice and and but his absolute holiness that he is absolutely perfect and pure and all that he does and who he is. That's the one attribute that I think that we really struggle with and probably won't fully grasp until we get to heaven that he is he is pure untainted by sin. And the remarkable thing is the holy God is willing to enter into a relationship with us. And that's something that I don't think we'll ever fully understand the wonder of that. Pastor Glenn, I just think even that word holy, I think of times, you know, in worship when we just think, holy, holy, holy, we're crying out. I mean, it just does something to us just to recognize the holiness, just having that reverence and awe for God.  Thank you so much for joining us all the way on the other side of the nation in Washington state. Well, thank you for having me. It's been an honor and my pleasure. And his book is called The Lighthouse Discovering Security and the Radiance of God's Character. And when we come back, we're going to take a moment just to speak to your heart, to encourage you and to inspire you. If you are walking through a storm and if you feel shipwrecked, well, guess what? We have a special word just for you. We'll be right back. No matter your age or circumstances, God wants you to move forward. Join bestselling author and teacher, Dr. David Jeremiah in a master class, revealing how to live fearlessly. You'll discover that it's never too late to find your purpose. Dr. David Jeremiah reveals powerful ways for people of any age to live a life that's meaningful. Inside forward, you'll uncover strong Bible teaching coupled with incredible real life stories and practical biblical insight. Learn how God wants to expand your dreams, give you divine direction, equip you with tools to overcome fear and much more. Request your copy of this life changing book when you support Cornerstone Television. Call<PHONE_NUMBER> or give online at ctvn.org slash donate. Find air times for a turning point with Dr. David Jeremiah at ctvn.org. Donate and request his book forward. Thank you for your partnership with Cornerstone TV. We just came off of an amazing conversation with pastor and doctor, Glenn Damon. In today's scripture, I want to read this to you that we want to reflect on today. It's from John chapter 8, verse 12. And it says, Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness because you will have the light that leads to life. This is such a powerful scripture. I love that the Bible is really filled with if then statements. If you walk with me, you will have light. And light in this scenario is not just the visible, tangible light, but the mental light, the clarity. I think that's what everyone wants. People are always asking questions. You're going to videos on YouTube. You're looking up things on Google. How do I, how to get through? How can you fix? How, how, how, how? And sometimes God will lead you to the end of your house and getting to the end of you because I think a lot of times it's ego and it's a sense of pride as well to say God, I'm not going to acknowledge you when he says acknowledge me in all your ways and I will direct your path. Many times we feel like I have to figure this out myself. I have to, I have to figure this out. So Google, you tell me. And, and so the God of our own intellect begins to be the one that we worship with our questions and with our thought processes. And if you're in darkness right now and you're getting to the end of yourself, this is a primary opportunity to humble yourself and say, God, I don't really know what I'm doing. There's a scripture in Proverbs. It says there is a way that a man thinks in his heart to be right. But the end of that way is destruction. I remember the first time reading that scripture, I was terrified to know that I could think that this is the right way. This is the right thing to do. But I am so off from the direction that God wants me to be. And understanding this is there's a difference between what is good and what is God. Now God is always good. And sometimes we'll see, oh, this is a good opportunity, but if it's not a God opportunity, it could be a trap for you somewhere in your life. So if there's some areas of clarity, I'm telling you, I encourage you to humble yourself and just get in God's presence and begin to ask God. Just ask him, say, God, I don't know what to do about this job. God, I don't know what to do about this marriage. God, how do I parent my kids? God, what do I do about all of the addictive apps that they're using in time? I mean, I think this is something that resonates and I know that Pastor Amy, you probably have so much insight with your children growing and with family. Share with us some ways of clarity that would help people today. Well, number one, I've been shipwrecked before. Number two, I've watched my kids shipwreck. Number three, you might be in a shipwreck right now.  It's shocking. Like, I mean, I've stood at times just shocked that it didn't turn out as I had planned. So when I read this scripture and I read that you will have the light that leads to life, I'm thinking about that revelation light. Like when you're in a moment, you don't know what to do.  What do I do? You need what we call revelation light, where the Holy Spirit will bring something to your remembrance. He'll lead you and guide you into all truth. He is the way out. He knows the way out. He knows your life. He knows the next step to take. So what I'm asking today is for you to ask, God show me, give me revelation, insight, supernaturally of what my next step is to get out of this addiction, out of this depression, out of this constant mental torment or pain or physical pain. God, give me that revelation light. And I believe that that light in your life will help lead to life or to that lighthouse. There is an answer for you today. You are not in the dark anymore. That is, that's good news to me. You're not in the dark anymore today. You're walking in the light as he is in the light. I just love this conversation because I think all of us, I mean, as much as we don't like to talk about suffering, let's keep it real. Nobody wants to be going through. You know, when everything, usually it happens, I know in my life, maybe it's not for you, maybe I don't, it probably does. Like everything is going well.  Look at God's promise. I'm praying that I'm all happy then, boom.  What's going on, Lord God? Like I'm holding on to your word. I'm believing what you said. Like this isn't the way that I thought it was going to turn out. And in those moments, it can feel so crushing and you feel like, where are you, God? Have you, have I missed it? Have you forgotten me? Do you see that I am your child? And you are crying out maybe in the middle of the night and you're like, God, do you see me right now? And it is in those moments. And I think one of the scriptures that sometimes comes to my mind is count it all joy when you face trials of every kind. And even in those moments, and I encourage you to do this, I will just start lifting up my hands and I will begin to declare who God is. I'll be like, God, you are faithful. God, you are my rescuer. God, you are my deliverer. And in those moments, I begin to take my mind off of what I am going through and I focus it on God and I say, you are a good God. No matter what it looks like, maybe I don't understand what's going on but you know what's best for me and I am going to trust you. Though you slay me yet, I trust you. And it's this place that we have to get into our walks with God where we're just like, we live in a fallen and a broken world, y'all. It is the truth. People are crazy. Things go down. It's not the way God intended. But you know what? I love that Jesus is the way. And when you hold on to Jesus in the midst of the midnight hour, when you cry out to him, he will carry you. And I'm speaking from a place where I have been multiple times, where I have seen Jesus literally carry me through the midst of the storm and what I've been walking through.  And we are so glad that you have joined us today on Hope Today because this is why we exist. This is why we do what we do to encourage you. We're throwing out a hope rope to you today and saying, hold on, baby, to Jesus because it's gonna be all right. Weeping indoors for a night, but joy comes in the morning. You might be in a night season, but let this be a sign to you today that your joy, the morning season, the morning time, it is coming and you hold on to Jesus. You stand on the word. You keep praising him. You keep worshiping him and know that better days are coming. We love you so much. We are always here for you. Have a great day. On Tomorrow's Hope Today, discover the key ingredient to pursuing true happiness. Author Anthony De Stefano shares how you can find true joy and happiness by inspiring you to seek after the one who matters most. Don't miss Tomorrow's Hope Today. Cornerstone Television wishes to thank all our faithful viewers whose consistent prayers and financial support have made this program possible.


Well dang I've tried to film this video like three times and I'm trying to do it all in one take but it's not working So let me just Let me just pour it out for you guys. If you haven't seen my video I'm turning 21 and I'm healing you should probably watch that before you watch this video but Let me just be honest over the last couple months. I felt like I've been in a Real like spiritual battle. I've been dealing with severe anxiety and severe Discouragement and And it's come through a number of ways whether it be Producing something releasing something and not getting the response that I wanted or maybe its comments or other things that have Have led me to this point or or whether it's just not seeing as Much of what I want to see like not seeing enough Enough people helped or enough people responding or or just generally in my life seeing that questioning If I'm just a total failure, you know what I'm saying like it just gets down to that point where Um It's this kind of like self-hate like you're never on your own side like you're always you're always on the side of people that are saying What you do is not enough what you do, you know You're always on the side of of the voices in your head that are telling you you are a failure And that you shouldn't have even tried that you should have just quit You're always on the you're always on that side like I I always feel like I'm on The side of saying you're right. It wasn't good enough. You're right. I I I didn't work hard enough. You're right. I I I'm not I Can't do this. You're right about that like feeding into those voices And and I I just think man Where does this where's this coming from for me? It's not like anybody in my life really is like putting this pressure on me to To to succeed or to you know to become this the whatever, you know, that's all me But but at the same time I'm kind of done with with downplaying how How I'm feeling in this because for a while is like well, it's just all internal. So, you know what whatever, you know But this is real and this is like crippling for me It's the biggest thing that I that I battle on a consistent basis It is this this self-hate this this remembering things that I wish I would have done differently or I didn't do well enough or maybe people think I'm stupid or or Whatever, you know what like I just find myself not being able to not being able to rest and and just I Guess I want to reiterate something that I might have already said but it's just for me It is what it is, you know I think we all to a certain degree battle with shame and in some of us more so than others and We get this we get in the space where we are understanding the gospel in terms of our sin against God and How we are we are supposed to you know repent of our sins obviously and that we are We are broken and sinful obviously, right and that we learn that from the Bible, right? But for a lot of us and myself included and I'm just going to speak from my personal experience The biggest challenge of my life has been to realize that I'm forgiven to realize and truly honestly believe That I'm not to put it frankly wretched anymore That I am not Depraved anymore that I'm not a sinner anymore Because those are not that's not my identity anymore But yet those are the places I revert back to I Revert back to saying of course you didn't do this, right?   That's why you need God But I justified because I'm saying yeah, of course, we're all you know, we're all broken So this is actually okay Like I can be talking to myself like this and I think a lot of us justify that and saying no We're just being theologically correct. Yeah But the problem is is that we're not actually understanding that the gospel has implications and the gospel's implications is that we are not like Self-hate and this is what I'm trying to like I'm trying to believe this Self-hate is not compatible with the gospel Because I think for a lot of us. Well, you know, I'm just gonna talk to about myself for me That was my Based on not from my parents or people in my church just kind of things I was listening to online That was what I took away from it like self-hate Like you should hate yourself And that that shows God how much You hate sin because you hate yourself Then then that's a sign of God. It's the sign just like that's showing God. Hey, look God. I'm really sorry for myself So I hate myself And I think I got in this habit of saying And for a while there, I definitely had this habit of kind of in my head saying every time I did something stupid Just oh my goodness.  I'm trying to inspire and encourage people to follow Jesus. I'm trying to Help them follow Jesus daily as a daily disciple, but sometimes I just feel like Maybe I'm just too sensitive for this job You know like like I'm Like me not necessarily like hate comments get to me, but it's more It's more the things that are more close, you know Things that I work really hard on and put them put them out and then they don't get good responses or or It's just always a sense that it's never enough And so I find myself I find myself racking my brain for something that will make it enough You know instead of coming from a place of excitement or Or inspiration or love for God or or or desire to communicate An important message that spoke to my heart. I find myself moving to this place where I'm in kind of a panic Because I want to make this work because if I can't um If I can't get people to Notice me then I failed If I can't be seen by somebody Then I'm nothing I didn't think this was gonna go this deep Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is is that As much as you may think that I don't know where you're at or what your your thing is, but it may you may look at my life and say Oh that guy's faith. He's got it really Solid or whatever But I'm constantly struggling to believe That did like I don't want you guys be concerned in terms of like, oh my goodness. I was exposing his faith, but But I'm but I'm constantly in this space where I'm not questioning Jesus or the resurrection or or any of that. I'm I'm struggling to believe That that there is That he is The ultimate good that that regardless of of my dreams of Of my failures and successes My my love for him and my affection for him is what is most important and I'm and I'm and I'm struggling to believe that even amidst my my my struggles and God still wants me But but at the same time I want to give you a little bit of insight into why I keep going I Feel so deeply within myself that I have a purpose I don't know exactly what it means to What I'm supposed to do with that purpose But I know deep within my soul that I'm here to create for God that I'm here to Whatever it is to write to film to talk to Whatever it is, you know For God to create for God That's all I know really I don't I don't know how all this stuff is going to turn out And that scares me and that keeps me up in the middle of the night. Honestly, it really does And I don't want it to and I and I posted something the other day that said, you know Um, whatever worry is keeping you up in the middle of the night. God is bigger than Let your first act of faith be resting well Let that be your first act of faith and I think I think I need to learn To not be okay like my definition of okay Needs to change because I think I'm holding myself to a standard where I'm I'm I'm I need to perform perfectly. I need to have the answers I need to have a plan. I need to have a strategy that strategy needs to be going well I need to be working productively and efficiently as possible At this expectation, but I think I need to get okay with I need to become okay with with not being that sense of okay I need to be okay with having questions and having doubts and in And in some ways that could It's not like I'm giving up but But I want my first act of faith To be trusting God beginning to really trust God Despite not having the answers to this stuff Despite not truly in my being feel like I've believed what he says about me I don't know guys. That's that's all I got. I wanted to come on here and tell you what's up Um before I leave Um, I just want to thank you guys on patreon It's a huge blessing and and as much disappointment and struggle and and just Whatever there's been I'm thankful for you guys there sticking beside me and if you're watching this video. Thank you for watching this video and God bless guys