black boy tell me how you really feel I just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel I just want to keep it real with you I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better I want to feel so aligned sublime one time for the state of mind two times for elevated rhymes know I architected when I laid design I drown noise out of the clear blue I sit twist the threads of said silence that's an heirloom I am the shepherd I share sheep still fleece funds from the have it all to the matadors who sidestep the bull beautifully to that applause around rappers a higher caliber catalog shines reminds I ain't coming to flatter y'all I spark shadow dark matter the sharks scatter on these dark waters who walked taller who barks orders God body garden with all the laws taught us not appear it's really fear near I pierce deep I'm revered my steps remain clear with fierce sweeps not a man here who could sense me I'm on the pier Elohim with the energy black boy tell me how you really feel I just want to feel with you black girl tell me how you really feel I just want to keep it real with you I want to live better eat better yeah yeah I want to love better sleep better yeah I want to feel so aligned it's all the olive here sublime one time for elevated rhymes two times for showmanship three times for black hands and land ownership revolution I bring to you where they ring bling to you Nisi blues on war tunes to sing to you I am a rebel without a pause no applause trust me I must be Chuck D getting mine off many fools been clock watching my moves and I needed a reappraisal of flavor to the time off now back Jesus black feed is slumbering unborn off of the coffin and curtain untone I'm a rose that rose to etch pros and Rosetta stone yelling to do a megaphone always rapping baby forever home I ain't the pond calling the kettle black I'm the flame keeping the kettle warm and I am to blame for the Renaissance is cold had the writing recited with down feathers on black boy tell me how you really feel cuz I just want to feel with you black girl tell me how you really feel I just want to keep it real with you yeah I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better yeah I want to feel so aligned sublime one time for elevated rhymes two times for showmanship three times for black hands and land ownership revolution I bring to you where they ring bling to you Nisi blues on singing to you I am the rebel without a pause no applause trust me I am Chuck D getting mine off many fools they clock watching my moves and I needed a reappraisal of flavor to some time off now back Jesus black feed is slumbering unborn off of the coffin and curtain untone I'm the rose that rose to etch pros and Rosetta stone still yelling to do a megaphone always rapping baby forever home I ain't the pond calling the kettle black I am the flame keeping the kettle warm I'm the blame for the Renaissance is cold I write in recited with your feathers on I love you and write in recited with down feathers on I mean that shit cold and I'm the coldest listen it's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel cuz I just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel I want to keep it real with you I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better yeah I want to feel so alive y'all give a round of applause to this band right now when they tell me they want to feel the cause a little more than we got to do that again I wasn't in the rehearsal we didn't do that that was not a part of the set list Roger was just in my ear like yo let's do it again so we gonna do it again so we did it again this next record we gonna get into it since we having a message to my black boys tell me how y'all really feel I know y'all going through it we going through it black women tell me how you really feel I know y'all going through it y'all been going through it so we gonna keep that going we gonna talk to y'all directly because I love y'all I love y'all deeply and I love y'all forever and I'm unapologetic about that love you'll be like yo well you know I'd be like yo we gonna do this right now for the black women we're gonna do it for all women that that ain't what I said we're gonna do this for the sisters but what about all of us you know you know what's up family what's going on what's going on y'all please put a thumbs up if you can hear me welcome welcome welcome back let's us get this thing going I'm gonna assume I'm gonna assume those of you guys in attendance can hear me welcome my name's Allen tonight we are joined by a returning guest Ms. Jamie Moorhead she will be the well we'll be talking about a bunch of things but primarily this would be her opportunity to elaborate and and respond to her appearance on the channel probably about eight months ago she and I did an interview excuse me and we talked about a myriad of things one of the episodes that she's featured on is called sex addiction another one that she's featured on is called sunshine so we talked about you know motherhood we talked about generational traumas we talked about a lot of things and she had a lot of interesting insight on the black community's gender dynamics our gender dysfunction so yeah I'm I'm I'm hype as you guys know June 24th we will be in Atlanta Georgia for the 100 if you haven't already please grab your tickets I'm trying to you know dot the eyes and cross the T's currently I am also working on revamping the Christian by default video series I've mentioned a few times that there's a there's an older version on the channel if you go to the playlist and click Christian by default but I wanted to revamp it now that I have a bit better equipment so if you know any theologians pastors priests that would be interested in or would be willing to field some questions that I have about divinity about the church please reach out to me here is my email but initially that project was supposed to be a documentary but you know I got to kind of do what I can what I have so I'm turning it into a series instead so similar to how I interview women I'll be interviewing theologians you know as some of you guys know theology is is intimately linked to blackness particularly in an American context so I kind of want to elaborate on our relationship in and not just in an American context but also in an African context I tell people sometimes of the five the richest men in Africa at least three of them are pastors right so that's not a mistake and and I for one want to explore that right so so yeah also working on editing videos for this week as I've mentioned before YouTube is not helping the boy out at all sometimes I post content people don't even see it so please please please do not rely on the notifications they don't work please just get in the habit of checking the channel periodically I even have channel members who are paid channel members and subscribers and they're not getting notifications obviously it's it's frustrating but hey what are you gonna do still working on the website yeah yeah again thank you guys for being here this won't be a long win I promise we're gonna run through you know some of Jamie's thoughts we're going to elaborate on some of the things we touched on during the interviews we might field some callers and then we'll call it a night but again thank you thank you guys for being here as always members only stream you can bypass that with super chats cash apps or by becoming a member so yeah without further ado let me make sure let me see if my sound effects work I didn't even do that okay they work without further ado miss Jamie radio it's simple it's simple straight to the point how you doing good good how are you I'm good I'm good you know YouTube is stressful but we're trying to make it through yeah but I go ahead I'm sorry I was like they don't like you is what you said I don't know at this point I'm just keep my head down so I don't know when anything comes on at this point I don't know man I don't know and you know initially I tried to combat that by posting at the same time every week you know on the same days but still you know I guess most people aren't catching on to that or even clicking on the about page to see when I post but you know I gotta do what I have what I can what I have it is what it is but how you doing today I'm good I'm good I had a long weekend I had a good week actually so I just got back in the town yeah that's awesome that's awesome I appreciate your life together that's what I was appreciate your patience I know we were supposed to get your response video done a while back but I had to keep pushing it back so I want to you know I want to shout you out for being patient with me what has your experience been following the interview you know have you got DMs have you got messages you know what did your family members think of the interview well okay as far as the DMs I did but I probably probably they probably didn't like it because I told them that they needed to get their life together and I'd be DMing people they don't know you know I'm saying like I even told one dude I was like I could be Satan's daughter you know I'm saying like you don't even know me to be in my inbox and so I could be a man to be completely honest and I'm not trying to be funny but I'm just saying like sometimes we got to scale back a little bit and just like did you look at my Instagram at all like did you go through it a little bit just to see like maybe I have a man do you have a man I said I could lie to you you know I'm saying like I could I could lie to you I just I don't know I was a little blown away but I haven't been out in these dating streets anywhere so I really don't know how how it is and then one guy was like what did I post that made you think I wanted you to DM me like what so I don't do it again you know I'm saying um but like my family like the one that thing kind of was the first one maybe that kind of like made the 304 one I think third the pot a little bit with that one what did they say what were their reactions to it and you know I don't think anybody likes you know those type of things being said out loud on a platform but like I had said it's either I you know reveal my truth or somebody else that knows me tells their version of my truth and so at this point I I am able to state what has happened in my life rather than trying to defend I'm more of like a proactive person rather than a reactive so for the people who may not have seen that particular video give us a recap of what the conversation was and what your stance was well I mean so the the the people reached out to you the family members who've watched it what kept jumping out to them about that what clip you know the pimp and stuff like that and then like people not understanding that my mom and my dad were married and she didn't know what type of life so he had and so I don't feel like we I had went in depth of like the deceptive part of my father towards my mom and then the fact that my mom was a foreigner and she really didn't know you know I'm saying anything about his life she just knew what she saw when she initially met him which was the facade of being an accountant hmm well so this is your opportunity so tell tell the story fill in the blanks as far as how your parents met who your dad was prior to meeting your mom who your mom was and then we'll segue into like how it's affected you okay so my my parents met my mom was working at you know they have those buildings where they have multiple offices in there and so mom down the hall my mom worked as a medical assistant and my dad had a quote-unquote accountant firm situation then this is the story he told me he said that there would be women in and out of the accounting firm and so one day my mom went over there was like what do you do and that's how the conversation started to be completely honest so she just kind of like was like why do you have people in and out like why do you have these women in and out of this stuff and like nobody's ever really talked to my dad like that and plus he liked her accent and then she was cute you know I'm saying so he asked her out and that's kind of really how that started you said during the interview that your dad was a pimp yeah so the women in and out of their work so I mean has he ever broken it down to like how he even got into pimping in the first place like was in and out of jail for a long time so before he had met my mom oh this part like see I didn't get to say this part so even before he had met my mom he had already been on death row at one point and was released yeah yeah and so the reason why my mom even found out that he went to jail was she had gotten a phone call from the LA Times maybe wanting to interview my dad on his release like being released and how life was after being released so imagine marrying the man you know I'm saying and like having a kid and and then you get that phone call right and then you're not from here my mom wasn't a citizen at that time so she was an illegal alien so was what do you feel like it was a situation where your dad took advantage of her or do you think she was using him to try to get her citizenship now I think he took advantage of her he he's he told me that he married her because he knew that she would go back to Belize you know like if she had the chance and so that though it's almost like a trap in a way so she didn't really care about being a citizen no I mean she was making it wow okay so I remember asking you during the interview like your dad's personality your dad's shortcomings how how has that affected you as an adult I mean I would say that you know they call this thing the paradigm right the there's those paradigms in the environment that you're both in and then although that I didn't know those things really until I got turned like 20 maybe like 20 is no 19 I would say 19 issues when I was like oh dad is not who I thought he was right um you're still influence subconsciously so subconsciously I have picked men that almost maybe make my mom mimic my father in a way as far as like not being emotionally available a womanizer in a sense you know I'm saying like those type of things I have picked that individual um they have the veneer of looking like they're regular guys with great jobs and great personalities but they have a whole different life behind closed doors every time when did you become aware of this pattern um after I had my kid because my son's father is um you would never think it he is definitely though what I would call the blue collar black guy you know super smart uh handsome dude you I mean when I say you would never think that the other person um existed you nobody would ever really know now it's caught up to him he's older he can't fake it but when I met him he was still able to have the double life you know I'm saying like I'm this person in public and I am this person um not in public so yeah so when when when you talk to younger maybe younger women that you see a pattern of behavior similar to yours before you met your son's father what type of advice like what type of game were you giving up I don't even want to call it game you know it's just most likely I think as women we talk too much right like initially um the man asked a bunch of questions he seems like he's into you and so you just give him all of the playbook for yourself like how do I play her and and then we also like to vent about past relationships to this person I would say scale back a little bit ask him questions and then ask those questions a couple months later if you're still talking to him because I promise you the answer is going to change and I think that what we don't do is give time and we're also we don't like to say what we want up front if we just told him what we wanted up front we probably would run a lot of those people all period like if we just said hey I really want I'm looking for this is this not what you're looking for then and we don't need to talk because we're wasting each other's time because what a lot of women do because they just want that attention he'll be like let's just go with the flow and she's like okay well maybe I can convince him to want what I want well he might not want to he might not want that but if you're telling him like all the things that have happened in your past he's gonna make sure he doesn't do those with for the first six months of course not he's gonna be like okay I don't know I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that even if that is in his nature he's going to pretend because he wants pussy like I'm just saying it's just men do things well so okay let's let's flip it on the other side how are women enabling that type of behavior from men being thirsty how how okay so what do you because I know during the interview we talked about like seeking attention seeking validation low self-esteem things like that say more about it um it's kind of hard for me like where do you want me to start you know I look at we can talk about state society we have women that are absolutely gorgeous right let's be real I mean talking about beautiful bodies banging hair banging they are the 20 percent women though right that's what I call them the 20s and because they have nothing else to offer but that they go into relationships based on and men men court these women as if they are 80 going to there they have sex with these women these women get attention for a little bit and then they get cheated on they get cheated on they get drugged through the mud and they can't understand why this is happening to them because of their beauty because they have been allowed to think because they're pretty they're gonna get everything they want and eventually um they do become desperate and so that's where you see well I'll be willing to be your side check or I'll be willing to be in a relationship with you and somebody else just be as long as I have somebody because I have been beat down emotionally so bad and and my confidence was not in anything but my looks that I'm willing to just be thirsty and that's just that's that's what I've seen so what what I guess what I'm trying to get at is a lot of times when we talk about this gender war we talk about it like one sided okay like when it's a group of women they're talking about how men ain't shit when it's a group of men they're talking about how women ain't shit what do you feel like we're missing I feel like everybody's not taking accountability you know the hardest thing for me was looking in the mirror and saying this is what your problem is and this is um not technically an asset and what man is going to marry you if you're still acting like this it is the self reflection of it all um nobody likes to dig that deep because once you do dig that deep you have two choices you have a choice to remain the same and then be toxic to people as you go on with your life or you have the choice to consciously every day and say like every day say I am not going to be that person does that make sense to get to hold yourself accountable and at the end of the day it'd be like was what I did to that person necessary today like nobody wants to take that time to really dig in because you're going to find parts of you that actually are ugly and a lot of it could be something that was from your environment and then you have to look at your people that raise you and be like gosh are we really that messed up it's a harsh reality you know like are we that really that deceived or are we just comfortable in our I would like to say you can't put sugar and shit and make it sweet are we comfortable in that shit you know I'm saying we do it because you know okay give you an example cook in your house with onions and garlic right you don't really spell it step outside come back in and you're like oh my god right I stink it's strong yeah yeah you don't know that you stink until you step outside of yourself in your situation and be like oh yeah there's something foul about me you know I'm saying like I'm not willing to hold myself accountable intimacy true intimacy like when you meet a woman that is the woman for you she's going to have you look at the ugly side of yourself and and it's our job to hold one another accountable when people get into that part of the relationship we often believe and we say oh we're getting toxic no what we're what we're doing is we're not wanting to hold ourselves accountable and we don't want to hear somebody else that we want to share us on all the time to say that to us because we want to be their superhero we want to be golden in their eyes right but what I would prefer and now is to have somebody to say Jamie you're full of shit right then I'm like oh for real that's how you feel and then I'll go like okay well what part of that was was full of shit right so then I just make sure or be conscious like is it me that's the problem or is it you that you have been healed like so we could get down to the nitty gritty but again it's that in turn like I said we we uh right here we as people are like this well really we need to be doing this we need to get dirty we need to have that level of like transparency like I I mean and once we get to that point where we're comfortable saying hey today was the best of day today I don't feel like talking to you and we'd be like okay fine you know I'm saying like I'll go in my room and you go in yours and we'll just do that or maybe I don't want to hear how you feel today because actually I don't care it tell me you wouldn't want to be in relationships like that like hey babe look I know you've got a lot on your mind but I really don't care today not today right but look I just really want my feet rubbed you know what I'm saying and I want a good drink and I just want to relax how many of us really want something like that but how do you work to get that you have to be vulnerable you have to be willing to get to that ugly part my my brother has been married for a long time I probably say 25 maybe maybe more years he said there is one season where all they did was argue he said I didn't even know who was gonna make it like he was like you know there was just that season of like the power struggle that I talked about but and a lot of that power struggles I don't want to be so vulnerable that you can hurt me that you can break me I don't want to be that in love with you I want to hold on to some type of control but love you can't control that not real love you're not supposed to just say it so one of the things I like to ask women because I feel like the mistake we get or we make sometimes is men tend to ask women to be more like men and women tend to ask men to be more like women so what insight can you give us men on female pathology to better understand how y'all think how y'all function how y'all process situations I I most women lie about what's really on their mind to be honest and I'm gonna be like you know initially because what has happened is when we have said what was on our mind it's been dismissed so we go around you know you're like why are you going around in circles and what you're saying to me why don't you just tell me directly because before when I told my mom or my dad or something they invalidated my feelings right so what what do you what did you say you said you said what do men need to know about women women do for men what we actually want done for us so if you have a woman that showers you would give circumpliments most likely that's what she's wanting from you I would say 90 percent of the time that's what she's wanting so she's doing it because she wants to do it for you but she's also doing it as like a nonverbal communication of like hey babe this is what my love language is right right and so a lot of times men just take like you know men you be like okay well I didn't ask her to do that so I'm gonna just keep on taking it I like all this and she's like um okay so he's not he's not going to he's not going to do it and then she'll pick an argument about something so stupid she's like I just don't like the way you did this but it don't be that it's just the fact that you did not pour into her the way that she was pouring into you and she's gonna find something to make an argument about I don't feel like you appreciate me and you're like what I do appreciate I said thank you that's not what she asked you for she asked you nonverbally to do exactly what she was doing for you but she didn't do that so okay let's say you're giving your son advice mm-hmm how do men navigate that in the best possible way what do you mean navigate tell me you want me want to be spoiled without telling me yet that's it that's what I mean so the thing is the thing is you know as a man we're not we're not mind readers and one of the consistent things that I hear from women is is low key asking us to be so I guess what I'm asking is what can men better pay attention to or what can men better do preemptively to kind of keep us in in in the green when it comes to y'all and not have to you know wait until you get upset or you feel unloved and all that good good stuff I would just do a check-in with her you know I'm saying especially like if you build that where okay I think women say consistency you know is key but really what it is is like say you're like hey babe what did you like when I gave you these flowers and she'd be like well I kind of like the flowers but I liked it better when we did this right and so then the next time you actually do what she said that she liked right that that's technically what we would consider consistency rather than being consistent in the negative so just to check in like you can really start that from the beginning and be consistent throughout as long as it's mutual though like you have to have that open communication so when she she's telling you her what she needs then you should be able to tell her what you need it should be a mutual consensus but it has to be discussed at the beginning like you have to be like okay this is what I want our conversations to be like this is how we're gonna set this up and I think we don't do that I think we just like I said people go in and they're like let's just see how it goes no we have to be intentional with our time we're like we're we're older we should know better but not even that like we should stop wasting time I would say our counterparts are people that don't look like us but in the color they are intentional when they do certain things they are intentional they may play around for a little bit but like my son's friends that are Caucasian they know what they want to marry already they know what they're going to get they may have a little friend here and there but I'm telling you by 11th grade 12th grade that woman's gonna switch and they are going to probably be married you know right out of high school or after like their first year college but they're going to they know what they want our people we are not intentional you know we want to play the field and that's what we've been taught like play the field and do that and you know play games and I mean come on now think about that like what what good does that do but create more damaged people and then you know we are not we're not helping or healing nobody to be honest so what what do you think is missing from this conversation this the manosphere the the youtube conversation the general like gender war what what peace do you wish people would spend more time on their relationship with jesus I'm gonna be honest because me before my experiment my experience my experiment my it wasn't an experiment at first but um my my experience with jesus um I was not like I told you I was I could care less about some of these feelings I didn't want to be responsible for anybody's feelings I didn't want kids I didn't want none of that nothing because all I had seen was people being relationships and look at happy and and go to church and be unhealed and so um when I had my son like was like really my turning point I just looked at him after I had him and I was like I don't want you to go through what I went through I don't want you to be a stereotypical black man I don't want you to suffer um unnecessarily I don't want you to have heartbreak and I'd be able to process it these are other things that I had said I didn't want for him and I said in order for that to happen I'm gonna have to change for real I know that my parents say that Jesus is real for real but I'm gonna try him out for myself seriously and that's what happened I'm and that's all like that's that was my turning point was the hospital room with my son after I had him and if I what's go ahead no go ahead finish your point no if I wouldn't have taken a journey I wouldn't have broken my um ego and pride and all of these things that I thought were me um down and actually got to to the core of who I really am and and created like my I'm okay I'm not even bragging about my kid I'ma just because y'all you know they came for me with my kid and that pissed that one part pissed me off but go ahead no I did because I don't know any other mom that would do what I had done none so I mean talk talk about how because you said the turning point for you was your relationship with um with God yeah so what have you noticed that's been different in your life like what outcomes have been different oh my god everything free relationship and post-relationship I mean like I have healthier relationships I know boundaries I have discernment I'm able to be like okay we're not going to waste each other's time you know I'm saying like just you're able to distinguish there's a standard of living right and if the Bible says if two walks together can two walks together except for they agree why are you investing in people that you cannot agree with it is just logical and if somebody doesn't accept your train of thought or your thinking it's simple just dust your feet off and move on you don't hate them you don't have to you still love them but from a distance it's just really that simple like the Bible is I mean Jesus got bars and he's got knowledge I don't understand why he he said the people perish for their lack of knowledge we are out here perishing in these relationships in these uh in these single streets because we lack the knowledge that's simple in there Sam said what Solomon said leave them holes alone he even describes what a hole is but black men tend to go after that hope okay so afro disciple shout out to you for the 499 super chat he says or communicate your needs without expecting us to figure it out for the love of god please stop giving white folks so much credit they're messy too what's your response to that uh I I think I answered that I think he just was he would type that while I was still talking right because I said to communicate I said that had to be a conversation that's up front right I did I think I think it was the point when you said you know like the the white boys know by 11th grade who they're going to marry and they do they have a plan I mean this would be real speak your truth I feel like you know that's that's what you the problem right there afro just you can't take the truth the truth is is that we don't teach our black men our black boys that have a plan which he's in the play football which he's in the play games all that we put focus on those things in this society right to be a rapper to do the arts we don't teach them that they need to have a plan because even if you want to do arts that's fine do it on the side until you can make that's your lifetime thing but do you have a plan about your life do you have a plan with the type of life that you want in your life so that she doesn't stress you out and she can help you and compliment you in that plan do you have that no I've seen plenty of white kids with a full plan that's why they're able to sign up for scholarships and get those bad boys in the 11th grade so you can get back to but if the truth is the truth I think you know one of the pushbacks that you might get and you know I've talked about this during the interviews as well like as much as we are critical of black men and black boys I think black women and black girls share some of that blame because you know unlike for instance you mentioned your son unlike his white counterparts the little black girls in class are not incentivizing the boys who have the scholarships they're incentivizing the athletes and the rappers those are the ones they want to date those are the ones they want to sleep with so the young boys feel like this is who I need to become whereas if they were white there's not that same pressure to be Tupac who was an ex gangsta and they can fight and also on top of that a lot of these boys these problematic black men that we're complaining about were raised by single mothers who also did not instill in them any sense of discipline or any sense of as you put it a plan right so how do we have the full conversation of the role that women play in black men's dysfunction right and that's why I I mean I see and that's where it gets the conversation gets hard is because I was the person that decided to change my life and be able to instill those things in my son women would have to do what we're supposed to do which is hold women accountable and teach women how to be if you're going to be a single mom by choice because you're making screwed up decisions like I did and just was having sex until magically I got pregnant and was like oh how did that happen um then there's going to be mentors or there needs to be somebody out there that teaches them how to be a good mother to either that son or that daughter because I I told my son the other day I'm worried about the women that he has to look at as potential anything for him and it's just true because like you said and I've had to talk to him several times he liked a girl and then she floated to a athlete or a um you know one of those boys you know like not so anyways ain't got nothing going for themselves and so they made him question himself you know I'm saying so we had to have that talk um gosh like last week to be honest we had to have that discussion but again a lot of parents don't have discussions with their kids they just assume you know I'm saying that their kids know how to handle those type of things and it's the assumption of it all we really need to have real conversations with our children but my like I built a relationship with my kid he talks to me he came he got in the car he was like let me tell you what let me tell you what she did and so I was like oh yeah you know so I gave him the film I protected on why she did it and he was like okay this that makes more sense but he has a plan he has a plan and he was like she wasn't even she didn't even fit the plan and that's how he moved on she didn't fit the plan so okay so thought experiment okay let's say you were not your son's mother oh my god you were you were his age currently uh-huh would you have chosen your son yeah I mean I was yeah yeah because I had a plan explain I mean I had I mean like as far as I was thinking about this before I even got on here like as far as like things that he would have in common you know as far as like video games and just like extracurricular activities um just things like that there's like this girl that I was thinking about that he he had linked up with a while ago that was like literally perfect like you like perfect beautiful they had the same things in common without her trying to be like him and um but they just live too far apart right now uh so yeah I mean like he's super smart why would I not he was an athlete at one point he just shows to not do um to to do football anymore so well I asked that question not because of you specifically but I do see a lot of and I've talked about this in the uh listen to black men series as well um I see a lot of women raise sons that they wouldn't even date oh yeah and you know from and what I mean specifically is they raise sons that they would date at 30 or 40 but they wouldn't have dated at 15 16 20 21 22 and a lot of those boys you see them either get their heart broken or you see them taking their business to the white community or to the Asian community and then the mother sits back and is like what did I go wrong so like I guess the question I'm trying to get at is is it really the mom's fault or is it the fact I don't I don't think right I don't think it's the mom's fault but I do think that our community of women um could spend more time rectifying young girls as opposed to demonizing uh young men no I agree with you so so the question is what do you feel like I guess oh gee women women who did make not the best decisions when they were younger what kind of wisdom do you think they can impart on the young girls to not repeat those same mistakes and then later down the line wonder why or wonder where all the good men at I mean like I just what I did with my son just tell the truth like I dated these guys this didn't work out or I thought that this would work out for me I mean we but we have to like for instance I'm going to be speaking to some basket female basketball players some young ones right about body image and and our society and so we had to start you know at that age I would say like elementary and then just go ahead and implement different things because it's not fair that we are there's being moms out here that are raising kids sons like you said in a world where women are not preparing their daughters for men like that so there is almost like we're always like this you know like okay and we're never here right so um we gotta get out in those streets why do you think why do you think um I think a lot of men would say that the girls aren't listening why why why do you like when you think back to 15 16 17 year old Jamie why do you think the girls aren't listening and what do you think as a community as a community we can do better to move things in the right direction we because we think we know everything like I told somebody the other day if there's one thing that is universe about women we come out being bossy we come out being bossy if you have a little girl her she'll be able to she's willing to point the finger and tell you what to do without words sometimes little girls are naturally bossy we think we know everything we just do it I don't know where they come from yeah across the board so and only a woman can talk to that it just it's hard though because we we are we're stubborn the princess complex so what are your thoughts on movements like passport bros what if what if your son comes to you in a few years and says you know what mom I'm going to Columbia to find me a girl what what are your thoughts on that how would that make you feel I mean I wouldn't be offended because my mom is from Belize and so like going and getting you know somebody from Central America and stuff like that like I I wouldn't understand what about okay what about a white woman or like Asian woman you're not doing that we're not so that's where you draw the line it just it just don't bring no white woman home interesting but why why elaborate on that tell the truth you said tell the truth we live like two different lives seriously I I got pulled over the other day and and I was upset about it and I went online and went off and and this white woman got into comments and she's like I've never gotten my car and had to worry about getting pulled over or what could happen when I get pulled over and so I really feel and this is like I people are like love who you love a certain part of love is being able to relate being able to have somebody that could be like you know babe I get it you know like I understand the struggle and I just don't think that men often pick that side for the right reason I feel like they pick it more for acceptance or for the access that it could possibly bring to have that woman in their life and so no and then I always think about like I was I worked in the court office was a court clerk and there was a black and white couple okay and in the white woman he had left her and she was upset and and this is during recess so she didn't know I still had the recorder on and and she was like you left me you black son of a b um I'm gonna tell them that you raped me and because I'm white they're going to believe me and she said that during the recess and so I not trying to say all of them think like that but I'm I mean like let's be real they know their privilege and the worst thing in the world is a scorned woman right she was serious as I just played the recording back so you know I have a daughter I know if if my daughter was to bring home somebody who didn't look like me I would feel like a failure no straight up straight up and down if if my daughter was to bring over a white man or you know an asian man I would genuinely feel like a failure I would feel like I didn't set a admirable enough paradigm for her to want to go seek out you know somebody that was daddy or somebody yeah exactly so like do you think that black mothers and this is kind of a two-part question okay all right do you think black mothers should feel some sense of failure yeah that so many black men so many successful black men are taking their business elsewhere and and I guess the second part of that question is you know everybody thinks they're a good parent how should we as a community evaluate motherhood fatherhood and like what outcomes would let you know that okay so some so was a good father so some so was a good mother because I like I just told you like if my daughter didn't seek out a black man I would feel like I feel that as a father right but it doesn't seem like women take it that same way so like do you feel like that's a fair thing to grade based on and or what other things should we grade ourselves based on I do think that I would feel like a failure if if Elijah didn't pick somebody you know black person I would I would be like or I mean you know Central America or something like that I would feel some type of way I would feel like well what did I do wrong like why is that unattractive to you you don't say what is the problem um but what was your second part your other part of your question was really how should we how should we grade parents well I I check if I more split okay start with how should we grade mothers because you're a mother you know I mean so I would I would just ask my kid I wouldn't even ask me don't ask me ask my kid ask my kid look at my kid and and then you can you can see or I mean I look at it just ask them he'll tell you the truth like I don't know I raised him different like he'll be like you know she he'll tell the truth embarrassingly you know would be honest but wait what's what's the what's the cut off and what what I mean by that so one of the things I've been talking about recently is the covertness of mommy issues what I think we mommy issues oh man have mommy issues oh yeah yeah yeah no no not just men women as well oh yeah yeah because I think we spend entirely too much time talking about daddy issues but one of the foundationary mommy issues that a lot of people don't even articulate but it exists is resenting the mother for even choosing the father right because a lot of mothers say that again I didn't know that was a such thing I didn't know oh yeah absolutely because a lot of a lot of mothers and this is true in my case as well like a lot of mothers position themselves as these moral authorities of you know if I was you I would so so and so but like when you actually look at their life and look at the decisions that they made it's not consistent with who they position themselves to be so they'll say oh you need to make better decisions admit like if they're talking to their daughter you need to bake better decisions than men but spend 80% of their time complaining about the father yeah and that's if he's there not let alone if he's not there so like somewhere deep in that little girl a little boy so conscious it's like you probably weren't shit either because you couldn't attract the caliber of man that you claim you deserve right so for me I think I think it starts with and this goes for men and women it starts with what caliber of person did you join dna with to create me and then what um how does your line your life line up with the advice that you're giving me you know the whole do as I say not as I do thing but I don't I don't I don't think a lot of I don't think a lot of parents do that I think they spend more time just talking about all the ways that they were taken advantage of a victimized but not necessarily the ways that they participated in that you know so for for for the mothers right who are watching how would you I guess encourage them or or advise them on how to be more consistent with the critiques and the ways that they claim that they're raising their boys and their girls um it's so hard I'm just saying it's so hard to talk to other people because again it's kind of like people are not accountable you know for for them you know and like you said people have to victimize the situation so that to talk to the people they have to be ready to be real you know I'm saying just be real I always tell this story like I had Elijah and he's about five years old and he just starts lying okay he lied he's just lying for no reason like he was still stuff out of the cabinet y'all and then I was like did you just take that out of the cabinet he's like no I didn't you know I'm saying it's still behind his back okay this is five and I remember sitting in the car I had beat him a couple times and I'm like this is not working like just whooping this kid is just not working and it's like don't do that because blah blah and I just felt like I was talking to a brick wall so I'm sitting in the car one day and I'm like you know what I used to lie too you know I'm saying like I used to lie too and so and I was I used to lie so good that I started to believe my own lies right and I was like so so could this be like a little generational thing because his dad was a liar too like I told you he had lived two different lives right so I'm like so if I could be like the normal typical mom and be like your dad was a liar you don't need to be like your father or I could be like look larger when I was around your age you know I'm sorry I started lying I got away with it and then when I got older I lied and I went to jail and that's what the consequence was eventually you know of that I was like so every time you think about lying think about ultimately possibly going to jail and or getting in trouble significantly but I was like but you're going to have to fight that urge because you're not just getting it from me you know I'm saying whatever is in my DNA that I had not you know healed from but you're also getting it from your father and so it's going to be something that you're probably going to struggle with is and so you're going to have to choose to not do what we did because you see your dad's life and then you see what I had to go through to get to this point what do you want to do and that's what I'm going to that's go ahead I'm sorry that's how I approached that situation with him and I really he hasn't lied since me and I had to whoop him I don't even have to whoop my kid at the I mean like it used to be once every six months until we sorry but he was just you know like until you know he had a moments he had moments where you know like the testosterone would kick in and I'd be like okay no who was you talking to like that but like not he just I just kept it real with my problems I kept it real with things that I had struggled with as a kid that I couldn't tell my parents about because they made it seem like they didn't have those problems then you grow up and find out that they did and you're like okay so you just hit them from us like you didn't how did you get over it you know my mom I'll give you example I had got my feelings hurt you know I'm saying get your heart broke and what I noticed that I would do is I'd work like I like my heart be broke I would work like I could produce what you know in pain and so one day I was like but I I'm not processing the pain does that make sense like I'm just working the work is perfect like I'm getting yielding results results I'm making money but like I have not processed like what I've been through right and so I sat down on the table and I was like mom what did you do you know when you got your feelings hurt or you got your heart broke she's like I work and I was like ain't that crazy I was like what did that do for you and she was like I don't I don't know I was like did you ever process anything that you've ever been through and she's like I was like I yeah and she said she she couldn't answer you know I'm saying and I was like I don't want to I don't want that I don't want that I want to be able to be like I was hurt that hurt me this is why it hurt me and and this is what I'm gonna do moving forward you know I'm saying when that type of hurt comes does that make sense but um it was that realization that I was I was by my influence doing exactly what my mom did when she would have pain work and I didn't know do you think a lot of women are like that mm-hmm yeah you you see all these women out here being bosses they're only bosses because somebody didn't hurt their feelings and they had to find something to do and they like I don't want to get my feelings hurt no more so I don't want to date or anything like that so they boss up or whatever but if I mean it was up to us we probably wouldn't boss up we would just really like to be in our role which is to help me but women are not going to say that because they don't want to say you know that I've birthed my business out of pain I've birthed minds out of pain sure did so before we move on to the comment section so I bet you they've been talking real mess what they've been saying it's some good things too though but um I'm gonna give you an opportunity if there are any you know questions that you have about about men that maybe I can answer well you know the opportunity like so in one of the comments the guy the person was like um she abused her kids by dumping her emotional trauma onto her child or something crazy like that and I was trying to figure out how telling my son the truth about who I was before I had him dumping my emotional trauma on my child um or abusing him they said I was I was an abuser a child abuser for doing that I don't I haven't seen that comment um I think what they might be sensitive to generally is um and I think I mentioned it during the interview that the concept of son husbands okay but basically um a lot of mothers particularly it's not limited to single mothers but particularly single mothers um they expect a level of emotional labor that is usually um expected from a husband or boyfriend they expect it from their son right so I think maybe what they were responding to was maybe the fear that you might be another woman who's doing that to a boy as opposed to the reality that you are because they don't know you right they only can go off of what it said during the interview but I think it is something that happens very often and I don't think we talk about enough right and to be fair I don't I don't think women do it deliberately either I don't think y'all do it on purpose explain that to me though like explain the you say emotional I explain that to me like because I'm not understanding maybe because I just don't do it so I'm trying to understand it does that make sense like giving the child the emotional responsibility of a man yeah like I don't because I don't you may be honest I don't even give the man the emotional responsibility for me so I'm trying to figure out what does that even look like because maybe I need to so I'm just I mean it I think you know so when I think of emotional responsibility I think of the catharsis that you know you usually will come home and maybe tell your your man how your day was you know so so and so did this but instead in a situation when a woman doesn't have a man she does that with her son so now instead of him doing his homework playing video games whatever he would normally be doing for that 10 20 minute span he's your boyfriend for all intents and purposes right or you have situations even in the boys adulthood like you'll see the memes of the little videos where a guy is picking up his mom and she wants to sit in the front while the girlfriend's in the car like that type of stuff where like she won't allow the son prioritize any other woman above him because he's been her husband for as long as she or he can remember and and even the son doesn't know how to prioritize another woman above his mom and that leads to the mama's boys and things like that on the low end which you also have some situations where like some women and their sons are sexually involved as well like it goes yeah it's crazy shit but it happens that's why i stay at my house like i don't know i don't know what y'all put out here in these streets no um yeah no so no i don't like i don't i don't tell him how my day was he don't even ask him i mean like he don't we don't have that he don't ask me that i don't think it's his business i mean unless like it's something tragic and it's going to affect him or something like that then i have to tell him you know like something with my mom or something like that that's where it's going to affect him in the long run but no i ask him how his day is because i think i'm post-do i'm supposed to be like hey did you have a good day today what was cool like you know i'm saying how how did it go but other than that like no he does his homework and plays the video games and minds his business and when he does talk to me too much i'll be i'll be concerned like like what's why are you talking to me so much like so he has his he has his space right yeah right yeah do you do you observe it happening though like now that you're aware of it do you do you see generally in our community how some some boys for instance are put in that situation prematurely with their mothers i see it in other communities too yeah i see it i've seen it this weekend too so yeah you said this weekend what happened we went to he had a band competition and and you know like we have moms and and parents and stuff like that and i did see you know certain situations where i like oh okay you know that mom okay it's emotional thing there but there's two parents in the household i think that she just probably just has you know what she thinks is a friendship with her kid is just a little bit she's codependent you know i'm saying just right right that's a good word that's a good word very codependent yeah all right so i've got the super chat from angel shout out to you brother um he says don't forget Jesus was crucified for his morals men stay quiet because they get attacked on them instead of listening to uh how do you plan on teaching others to exercise their responsibility to listen so i'm assuming he means like how do you plan on helping women better listen to men that's hard listen i'm still trying to get that right sometimes depending on what level of mad you have made me uh i don't hear you you know i'm saying um i think that we definitely will have to have like teaching moments and classes for women because it is going to be a learning experience because even women don't listen to women sometimes and that's just i mean being we we probably really are some stubborn preachers to be honest like now that i'm sitting here looking at that how do we exercise our responsibility to listen put her in timeout just put her in timeout because when you ignore a woman if that's one thing that will hurt her heart and make her listen is ignoring her without her her feelings and then she'll be receptive to hear what you got to say yep but as far as women holding women responsible that's just something we're gonna have to to do i think when i see like women empowerment and these little movement things that are going on it's not teaching women how to be uh receptive to men and to listen to men so we'd have to change the whole narrative that's been pushed for you know a decade or so you know women are loose and stuff like that and i will say that the church has has had its involvement in making women feel like they never are wrong explain elaborate on that by creating these conferences and these things they have played on women's victimization of themselves and not taking responsibility for the men that they choose and so and then they haven't given a minute avenue to express certain things that you guys do that are part of your nature that you have been told that was okay as you're younger but then you're doing it older and nobody's willing to accept it so these people are getting this type of uh treatment here and push here and a lot of times pastors want women to serve them rather than serve their husband right or just he will he will it's like little times and so he actually panders to who shows up and who pays tides and so he's not teaching women to be women and future wives to anybody he's teaching them how to be a wife to him how to be subservient to him i don't like you have you heard of miles Monroe mile yeah like yeah he was saying women home and be like don't come here until your your husband shows up like don't no right and and then then the husband would show up trying to figure out who is this pastor that sent her home to actually be my wife he knew what he was doing because men know men and and a lot of times to me men don't trust pastors because you have to get to check her on her wifely duties because her wifely duties are now benefiting you that's true yeah and we don't want to go to church well i want to go listen to you for but if you look at miles Monroe's his following it was a lot of men and it was because he would send those women home go home right and do right by your husband mm-hmm that's real yeah let me get some of the other super chat shout out to the condemn appreciate your brother $50 super chat he says late but we in here what's the word sir appreciate you my brother we're just talking to miss jamie just recapping her thoughts on her appearance on the uh on the channel mr deontay yeah deontay um shout out to you brother he says thank you sister for sharing your thoughts i believe the desire for traditional structures aren't for us in this age especially the desire for black men to be leaders of their female peers what he's saying there's no there's no desire for male leaders do you agree with that do you disagree i don't even know i don't know what women think i don't even talk to them that much because they irritate me i don't know but you're a woman how don't you like women in your world because i want a black man as a leader so i don't know i don't know what to tell other men about these people out here in these streets i um i don't have a lot of i told somebody the other day on a podcast majority of my black female friends are married all of them all all of them are married i don't have single black friends so i don't they desire to have a black man as a leader and he's a good one they're happy so the single women in these streets that i don't that you guys deal with i don't know what i don't know their thought process i don't know why you wouldn't want to have a black man as a leader unless you have been led into ditches several times by grown boys you know i'm saying and you're damaged and now you don't want a leadership but i think innately a woman wants to be led i just think it's innate like i i think that is something that we do want i just don't believe that you know there's a lot of options to be honest do you feel like you're honest when he's option deontay deontay is that how you say your name you think that your option like a good leader what what makes you that though hmm well i mean i i think i think that's a good question for for women like what um because i hear a lot of women say we are good but part of the reason we're single is because they're not enough good black men to go around so what would you consider a good black man that is a good question that's a good question i would consider somebody a good person or where's well i don't think anybody's good we all got things that we think about that are evil so i'll just keep it like that um but a person willing to lead and change and that is effective is one that lives the same life behind closed doors as they do uh for the public so i would say that is what i look for in a person is do you live the same life that you portray to live um in public as you do in private and how willing are you to be accountable held accountable um to change if necessary um to just character it is a level of character that people don't have anymore that to me would make you a good leader like for me i always think like malcolm x was was good is a good example of what change looks like he went from you know thief ho all of that to devoutly you know disciplined he was a disciplined man and then when he did make an error he would go and correct it and so i think like that that's what that's that's what i would look for in a leader um other women may have a different you know thing like they may say oh i need money i need this and that i feel like all of that would come um naturally to that person if they have good character why wait so are you are you saying that i would i would rather women who are go go ahead finish your point i would say i would rather have a broke person with good character than somebody with money and shady and that's real like i would rather be with a broke man it this thing like with good character where i know like what he says is what he said and how he's living is how he's i would rather that person than a man with money that is a liar or i can't trust or shady i would and to me that person with good character is a leader because it's hard to be disciplined in this day and age just like he's it is hard to be disciplined it's easy to play a role for the for the people who haven't found what they're looking for would you think we should be um concerned or skeptical about them so for instance the women the women who are saying that the problem is that they're not enough good men and a lot of men are saying that part of the reason is because those quote unquote good men are either not attracted to you or you're not attracted to them um how do you like what are your thoughts on that conversation you mean like should we take a woman and what she says into consideration if she's single is that a question or like what what do you mean for for instance for instance you'll hear matter of fact perfect example is a clip that went viral recently of Ayala talking to some lady named ebony okay and Ayala asked her would you date a bus driver and the lady said if she owns or if he owns the bus and Ayala's response was well if he loves what he does if he's honest if he has integrity all that good stuff um so a lot of men think that the problem isn't that they're not enough good men to go around but the problem is that women's party lists are upside down like before before a lot of women get to some of the principal things that are going to sustain like his character and stuff like that we see a lot of women prioritize other things like how entertaining is he or how handsome is he or how charismatic is he and exactly and then those tend to be the women that you see who are saying they're not enough good men because like i said either they're not attracted to good men or they're not attractive to good men right so so do i agree with that or or do you what i mean what what yeah what do you say to it like what's what should men be skeptical of a woman who is uh who claims to want a good man but hasn't been able to find one for a long time oh yeah definitely you know her standards are really really probably too hot and and she she she's really probably not looking for a good man give you a way to be honest she's probably looking for a sugar daddy or you know someone to take care of her and i mean like that's okay is that's what she wants but she has to be honest because you can find that you you can find that but you need to to keep it at that you know what i'm saying like you can say it's nothing wrong with the woman that says she wants to be taken care of by a rich man and not work that it's nothing wrong with that but you need to find that you don't need to say that there's no good men when you know how how how would you make that distinction like how would you differentiate the woman who's single because you know she's either not attracted or attractive to good men and the woman who is single because you know she's genuinely having a hard time that's hard i mean that's hard you just have to sit down and talk to her and see like has she done the work the question is has that person done the work because a good man could be considered a good man but he hasn't done the work either you know so when you get to that interdependent or what what what do you call that uh what do you call intimacy part of the situation he can handle that he may be a good man and be a provider a leader have integrity but he may not good be good at being vulnerable and that may be what but does that disqualify his good traits in some instances it has you know what i'm saying i've seen it in some instances it has because that's that's what she actually wants when she gets down to the nitty gritty and she gets out of all of the lists of things that she wants and he's providing this whole list remember i had a friend he was like i didn't probably write it her everything she asked for but he did not provide the intimacy and she left when really she could have said that's what i want and that's where it gets confusing for y'all because it got confusing for me i said around the time when i was like just you i would leave you too i get it i understood it i would leave you too hmm okay so with that being said what advice because again you're a woman so the advice i give men is completely different with that being said what advice would you give men about women yeah in the in the sense where like you can do 10 things right but if you do one thing wrong is dead what how would you help us better understand that because you also said like i would have left him too no i would have left her i told him to leave her oh okay gotcha gotcha yeah yeah no no no i would i told him to leave her like i would i would yeah no i don't i didn't agree with what she did to him because i understood he really was doing all of the stuff that she asked for consistently you know so i said that one thing yeah i was like well what's the problem i was like that could eventually happen if you you're are you are you being open like are you expecting to leave that and so i got told you i'm gonna be as honest as i can there's some women that i don't understand i don't understand and i don't feel like the things that society has pushed like um the housewives and all of these shows and and all of these things have helped anybody even in my age range on their thought process and so really as people dating and looking for people we need to look for people who are on that same journey as far as growing and healing and and and doing that if you don't if you don't really meet somebody that's willing to do the work you're wasting your time at this point and it's very far and few in between that's really well like ready to do the work because a relationship at the end of the day is work it is work right so the ante also says he says peers meaning equals we have to rethink dating dynamics and black equality our relationships need to relate to our economic standing i think what he's trying to convey is kind of like the change in power dynamics with black men and black women now that black women are making just as much if not more in some cases than the men that are available to them how do we because you know most women will not date a man who's shorter who makes less money who has a lower social status than them do you think that women need to reformat how they approach dating in our community yeah or do you feel like men just need to do better no i think women need to reformat like i i feel like um we have we i'm gonna say we because i don't want to just always exclude myself but like we have been out of touch with reality um i think that i won't i think because we were not trained to be wives or to have a standard a lot of women um have given themselves or given time to the wrong individual right which created broken women like oh i did this for him i dated a bro guy he did me wrong right um because we didn't have clear standards on what we were going to accept and what we weren't going to therefore we walk around damaged and so we do need to reform the way we approach dating the way we approach men and then just stick to that and and leave the desperation out of it and just move forward if he doesn't want like who likes you at this point like all that chasing and all of that like who likes you it's really that simple like who likes you invest to invest in you and guess what you might end up being happy you you just might end up being happy you might get your feet rubbed you know i'm saying you might get that dinner cooked when you least it you like when you come home and you don't have to ask for nothing because if you like who likes you they're going to serve you and service is love it's really that simple but we make it hard because we want to always chase some stuff somebody i almost said some shit that don't want us we try to talk talk talk to the women when did that um change for you and how did that change for you i mean i thought i always liked who liked me like i never really i never i just didn't want commitment to be honest so like me being single now was really my fault because i could i could have already been you married and happy and with kids it was just i i didn't want that so uh what would i tell a woman you know reform the way you think um stop looking for men that's chasing you or playing games and then just be direct and what you want and if that person doesn't want that move on that's only then we can do well let's pause for a minute you said you didn't want commitment explain that's remember i told you i grew up where i seen people like almost dysfunctionally not happy like they looked happy but they weren't really happy and i just didn't want i didn't want that plus my mom you know she she didn't um she did like foster care and then we had like a large family day care so uh we just always had kids around and stuff like that and i felt like i was uh like a nanny you know like i was always caring for people at a young age and i never really had that that moment to just kind of like be without having to be concerned about anybody so when i when i say i say when i grow up i don't want to be responsible for nobody's feelings or what goes on with them i don't i don't want to do it because i had just you know always had to like is that still the case or has that changed for you oh no that's changed i mean like of course i changed because i had my son and then i was like oh yeah it is my nature to care about people like even if i didn't want to it is my nature like i i always tell people i have like this the nanny complex you know where like kids walk up to you and be like hey and i'm like i don't know you so okay so in in in that in that case since you've changed your mind what do you think is the biggest hurdle now to getting to the commitment in the long term trust relationship thing trust it's trusting myself really to trust that individual it's trusting like i always had commitment problems like even when i when i bought my house i had to have the the people uh that how you sign the papers come to my job because that was comfortable for me i made them come to my job so i could sign the papers i wasn't going to go um when i had bought my car you know i was like i'm not i'm not sure i'm not going to come to the car dealership and so they brought the car to me and brought the contract and then i signed it at the job so it just i'm being honest like it was that long like oh i can't i once i sign this contract it is this is it for me like yeah you know and i also know this like once i'm committed to something whether i like it or not i'm going all the way through and so to say that with somebody is that's big like who i choose as my partner can change the trajectory of my life and i don't want to be miserable do you do you feel like a lot of women share that same disposition like they they're just afraid to take the elite yeah i mean that's it's a scary thing you know like we we can be in long-term relationships all day long but we know that there's an escape route and and i'm gonna be honest i think that a lot of women pick nothing men because we know what the end result is going to be we know that that it might not work and we don't have to be responsible for that situation in our in our innate thing is like we are scared to commit to somebody we are scared to love fully and give that person responsibility over you know us because that a heartbreak is hard in real life you know and even though we know like this person's hurting us and stuff like that we're still in control of that situation because we haven't fully given that person ourselves that's real so uh Deontay shout out to you brother of 20 dollars over chat he also goes on to say uh please excuse me i think sisters want leaders i believe it's very hard for the average guys to be leaders of women that are very close to being their economic and educational equals have you found that to be a difficulty in the past maybe a guy you made more money than you were more educated than has it been a problem and then how did you navigate that um i think it is a problem and i and i try not to make it a problem when i when i when i was in that type of situation like i could give you for instance like there was times where you know i probably wanted to do something but i knew it was not you know financially feasible so it's just a compromise and and then not to make the you don't make the person feel bad because there's circumstance because that's their circumstance for right now does that make sense what i had seen women do was date somebody that did not make as much as them but then cuss them out because they couldn't do anything and that didn't make no sense like you already knew he was broke when you met him you know what i'm saying so why make him feel bad for being broke when you already knew does that make sense like it just why would you do that um so you know i tried to compensate for the situation or like even i think one time you know i had listened to this man he was like never give a man money right because that makes him feel some type of way so what i did yeah it's immaculating right so i was like okay well that okay all right so i know that he has a need and i have a need over here and and he actually does this you know like he's able to do this so i kind of made a job and i was like hey can you do this if you can do this then i'll just pay you and that's how that went so that's the way i mean i don't think he knew what i was doing when i did it but that that's what i was that's what i did interesting interesting shout out to e-black tv he says are stable single moms actively looking to find a good man i find they want to wait until the child is grown does they finding or they find themselves in unbalanced relationships how would you respond um are single moms actively looking there are some that are actively looking i mean i know that there's some that with young kids are actively looking for okay but he said good man and so i'm just going to say amen i wouldn't say necessarily good okay i would just say a man i know that there are single moms actively looking for a man you know i'm saying um good i don't think that some of the single moms have yet to even sit down and be like uh this relationship ended because of this this didn't work for me they haven't done any of that you know i'm saying like they probably haven't done any work to find out why they are a single mom and so they're just looking for a man i find they wait and so when he says they want to wait until the child is grown what really happens is the child grows and then they grow too and now they finally have an idea of what type of man they want to be with and so it may look like what he's saying but um what what has happened is they were they have a single mom probably young after the dad didn't work out they were looking for a man not a good man just a man have been damaged hurt went through um whatever and then the kid is grown getting ready to graduate or has already graduated now they're lonely now they have time to self reflect and now they know what type of good man they want for themselves well i i think this is a good opportunity i mean there are 102 people watching are you looking for a good man currently no so elaborate on that because it almost like goes against what we're talking about well because i saw you know the bible you know i kind of go by that and it says in the word that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing what i have been working on is ensuring that i would be a good wife and favor to a man that is looking for a wife now i'm not looking to find anything because he's going to find me in the correct time but my my job right now are you actively dating currently no i'm not actively dating currently i don't got time i work i work a lot not because i want to but just because i have put myself in this perpetual circle of working and i know i'm trying to get out of it but no i'm not actively dating so what's the plan what was no what's the plan like how how is this supposed to you know happen for you i mean eventually i'll be able to date i just haven't you know like i don't i don't like dms because i feel like that is just so not personable enough i feel like you haven't done enough research on me i need i need to know you are kind of like like you will run a background check on me i need i need to know that like i need because it's this the world is different you know i'm saying i could be a whole man in these streets right now i'm just saying so i just need to okay so so ideally ideally in your mind how does this thing play out i don't have i don't i don't have a no no but you have to have like a an ideal like okay so right now i'm working on becoming a wife or becoming the type of woman that a man would seek all right so where where is that man going to seek you and find you i'm gonna find you at home at the job oh no like at my community but i work for myself so i work different jobs i do community events um i do community activism anyways and then like i'm a stylist you know i'm saying he could book an appointment i've had that happen um they have booked an appointment i sell products you know i have i there's plenty of places i am a virtual assistant you know what i'm saying so i work for you shout out to uh corny michelle is there faith without works i do kick them out on them though i i my number out there if they want the listen me and god knows if they if they write it's because they're gonna hit i got a standard this is where the church fails us yeah i don't want the demons i'm good i just don't i don't i'll never i actually nice to him i'm like hey you know you might not want to do that because i could be satan's daughter like sometimes y'all don't know what type of women you be hitting on they and they're crazy and you have to be able to what i'm for real i want and i want you to see me interact with other people you gotta you gotta do research on a woman don't don't just date anybody because they look appealing that's crazy that don't make no sense do not hit my dm's up you're not gonna get a response i just look and smile that's cute thanks that's all you're gonna get for me because i've had people book an appointment because i do men i do men's hair yeah shout out to afro disciple 499 super chatty says can we be honest a lot of women don't have a reference of what a good relationship looks like so they operate off of fantasy not facts do you have a response i think that's true because again people don't think that arguing is normal they don't think that a man coming home and not wanting to talk to them is normal they don't they don't get there like and to be honest like sometimes you don't want to talk to them either like but but a woman is expecting you to just be smiling at them all the time and that's real unrealistic we i think we all have unrealistic expectations for one another you know i'm saying like i was on a podcast the other day and i was like the bible says don't deprive me from having sex i when i get married don't deprive me but i mean is that realistic probably not but in my mind right now it is you know i'm saying so me and whoever i marry we have to talk about it because i don't want to be deprived he said are we fasting because if we're not fasting i'm not not getting some does that make sense you're not gonna do me like i'm not one of them women who withhold anything like we could be mad and i would still be like all right well we could do it but then i'm still mad at you afterwards and that's it i guess i'm i'm still stuck on the refusing to check the dm's thing like make that make sense for me because i i don't think i don't think it makes sense but be honest with you jayme so help me understand it i don't i don't want to i don't want i don't want a dm i don't want it i just don't i don't want you to hit me with what you're doing hey you know i don't want none of that i just don't i don't feel like it's genuine because i i know men that do it just to 10 women at the same time i don't want it like i just i want something different like i know exactly what i want and i know i'm gonna get it because i have people do it but i just i don't want that so if if if if michael be joined dmz you're not gonna respond no i'm not interested in him you know because i don't he doesn't fit my standard that's not the man idris alba um i don't know the some preacher who's handsome dmz you wouldn't you wouldn't respond it's happening honestly i if i'm being honest with you i think it's silly i really think it's silly particularly to simultaneously say they're not enough men out here i didn't say that there was an i didn't ever say that that no that's other women that said that i didn't say there wasn't nothing i just said that i don't want to be approached in my dm that's just my request and that should be fair that's a personal request my number is on my website my number is on my business card you can have my number but you cannot hit me in my dm i'm not going to respond i'm just not i responded to a couple and then i just asked him a couple questions and i was like you do this all the time and they're like i'm not i'm i'm impressed i'm i'm unimpressed by that i'm just i am i'm sorry okay listen you grow right if you ask me for advice i give it to you but i ain't gonna just shove it down your throat i think it's a terrible idea to check the dms and i i mean i think but but the reality is the reality is when when i'm talking to men part of the reason that men are checking out you're seeing men go overseas you're seeing men go monk mode even they're saying that for the payout that i could potentially get the cost isn't isn't worth it it's not equivalent to the payout right because women are simultaneously making things more difficult for men while um forcing men to expect less from them yeah but i don't do that though so that i mean like that i don't care what any other woman does i know what i do and i just don't want my dm i don't want a dm and that's and that's just a personal request i don't want a dm i'm just telling the truth i don't want if i if i did what every other woman does which is playing with men and i don't have any anything to offer in the situation then fine i would be like okay you know what maybe i need to check the dms but nah i know my value i'm sorry i just cannot i cannot if i didn't have value i wouldn't work for all of these men and they wouldn't be happy so i'm sorry okay i'm just saying i'm not taking a dm i'm not doing it my number i i still i still i still think there's no difference with somebody called like a random person calling uh your number versus sending you a message they're trying to get in contact with you i don't know like i don't know what state of mind i am and right now i'm just yeah and that's what i'm telling you i think it's silly i think it's silly i think it's it's creating it's creating unnecessary resistance is creating unnecessary unnecessary hurdle um and i think that you know if it's a consideration i might if it's if it's if it's a woman in high school or in her early 20s and if she could live without it that's one thing but like for somebody claiming to want something but making it difficult for that thing to find them or making it more difficult i just don't think i would i don't think it would be a dm situation like i said i have enough events and stuff like that for that person to meet me there in person what what what do christians like to say um if you want to make god laugh you know the rest go ahead what's the rest no i don't know that same if if you want to make god laugh tell him your plans that that's that's the same yeah i mean i i i but it might be the plan that might be a dm on it he might have to like me but you gotta let god correct me okay because he will trust me like for real this might be it this might be it me and everybody in the chat saying this is silly this might be a correction you know i'm saying he might have sent us he works through people right all right i'm gonna have to look at this chat like put one up what do they tell tell me what person's there let me see okay let's see let's see okay what's up on two don't wait bro you don't get all um all right let me see what is what's the appropriate dm language how's how's the postal approach when he history dm's then help me help me understand that well for me i think it's about finding like mutual interest so if i do because because i did a i did a well i try to do a series called down in the dms where um me a girl showed me her dms and dudes were saying her dick pics and nudes and videos and all kinds of shit uh versus the dudes who were like hey how you doing i saw this thing uh what's that song what's that restaurant whatever the case may be so we can find some mutual interest now if you're just automatically turning that away i i i don't think that's smart no no i don't think i don't think i got any no i did you know okay all right okay it is what it is um let's see so we got some new channel members shout out to leon the second and shout out to e-black tv double round of applause appreciate mr e-black he actually gifted some channel membership so welcome welcome everybody and e-black man i'm expecting to see you in Atlanta on the 24th man i expect you in the in attendance um let's see uh let's let's look at these comments how about that all right let's go let's go okay let me do this so it's a little bigger do you remember any comments that jumped out to you before we start going down the list oh you remember back then no i don't i don't remember any comments to be honest i just i didn't been on a few other podcasts since then so i haven't i don't remember just see all right so better gent says very interesting conversation seems like the reoccurring theme here is a lack of education regarding sex and reproduction i think this is referring to when you talked about the generational sex addiction i agree i didn't get any education on sex before i had it to be honest like i had the sex talk that you know i don't know i didn't have my parents didn't have a sex talk with me i had sex education you know at school but like not what what do you think a proper sex talk is supposed to be and how do you think it would have changed your outcomes i mean i think keeping it just really real i mean i i just would like to know everything really like the whole the whole thing i didn't get anything i didn't get anything like the whole intimacy part you know like what is what is it going to feel like like none of that i mean just anything all of it what baby how it is to be pregnant you know what happens to your body when you get pregnant all of that stuff like but i would have preferred to have it for my mom more so than anybody because each woman is different so but but her experience i would be more closer to her experience because i am her child you get i'm saying so um i would have preferred to you know know any complications that she had you know those type of things i just knew that my grandma could have lots of babies because i think she had like 11 or 12 kids damn yeah like i remember you saying that yeah like we i know we were able to reproduce yeah yeah yeah so leon leon too he uh he says she claims she is ready to be a wife but her actions say otherwise my actions saying otherwise because i don't don't engage in the dms is that what is that what you mean by that like because if you say if you're saying that then i understand where you're coming from like well i think i think you know i think generally because you did mention how you were afraid of commitment and that was one of the things that was stopping you well that's the thing i think what people are sensing is like some residue of that like yeah there might be yeah i'm still like you know trusting i'm not supposed to trust everybody you know i'm saying so there is going to be a level of like yeah yeah i don't want to sign the contract i mean maybe you might be right i don't but and i i've been talking about that a little bit of like women or some women they don't want uh relationship but they want to want relationship like they like the idea of it no no that's not it i just the idea like i feel like i don't want to sign the contract because like once i'm in i'm in like i i just know me like i'm not going to give up right and then so i i don't want to sign that contract and then be like with the person that gives up on everything you get i'm saying like i need the same type of energy and it just i haven't seen that yet like i need if we're signing this contract let's go hmm so it's still like you kind of don't trust yourself yeah i just said i don't trust myself in a way like as far as picking somebody that i know for a fact is going to exude the same level okay well then let me let me ask that like what do you need to see from yourself to realize that you you you're to the point where you can make that that decision and and exactly pick the right type of do i gotta clear the schedule that's i gotta clear my schedule yeah i'm being real like so i can like sit you understand and be like okay boom but i feel like sometimes i like asleep you know don't have time for myself that it's hard for me to make an informed decision on somebody's character because i i don't got time to think about it if that makes sense you understand so what's your timeline to clear my schedule what to to get this show on the road because i mean it's gonna get harder the older you get i'm just i just you know i came from that little thing and i shut everything off i'm gonna clear my schedule like for real like going into the next month i was gonna work on that i said that before getting on here for real okay so what what's the what what i guess what window are you giving yourself i'm giving myself six months to or a year to you know or is it just in god's hands not like to get what to get married six months to get married that no not to get married but to to get on that path oh i get my cuz you said that's what you want yeah i get myself like two months or so to do what what's gonna happen in two months to clear my schedule to make sure that i'm ready for the commitment to sign the paper and that i trust myself enough to make the right informed decisions that's what i'm gonna do i know i know what i'm gonna and then you're gonna check your dms and then i'm gonna check my videos that's progress that's progress that's progress all right let's let's get back to these uh these comments so um mr d says this is refreshing to see a woman that can hold a conversation with logic over feelings all right let's see if we can find something spicy oh you mean something where they would say something smart let's go down there was one that said as a as a father i'm terrified um you you missed it let me go back down yeah because you could still be a good father and your daughter you don't just choose to be a hoe i think that's what i think he's uh he's speaking for me too that's that's every man's fear what is going on with this window give me one second okay could it but no you can go ahead i was like could it could it be that it's really not your fault i just don't think that it's really the dad's fault elaborate what do you mean or or maybe the dad was a player and this is the thing that he sold and so it just happens to be that the the daughter you know it becomes sneaky and does stuff i don't know there's so many there's so many avenues to that i just told you i just didn't want to be responsible for for anybody you know like once i that hoe you know sometimes you may make your kid too responsible too early on they gotta have some leeway like i didn't have any leeway initially you know i'm saying like i i didn't have too much leeway to do anything yeah so when i hit a certain age i was like i'm gonna go do what i want so okay so what's the balance there though you have to give them the opportunity to make mistakes you tell them you tell them you know i'm saying like this what i struggle with this is that but you started to give that kid room to make the mistake and and to yield a consequence from that i just didn't have that i was just like no you can't do it i got no all the time no no so it was like a like a pk mm-hmm all right so i got it back up hold on technology don't do what you want it to leon is leon the one that said that other thing is our word is there more than one leon no i think it's the same leon oh all right so yep nicole he says as a father this is terrifying she came from a good home and chose the streets he missed the part where you said your dad was a pill i guess the the the burning question is what can fathers more specifically do to keep their their their daughters away from the streets because because i think the challenge for for dads is like if you're if you're too good she can gravitate towards the opposite if you're too bad she can gravitate right to that so like what what advice would you give dads give the girl give your daughters the game i i mean like give her the game i think a lot of dads don't give the game what part all of it like how you guys operate i've seen some women have dads who gave them the game and they chose they knew how to choose a good man like they knew what to do they knew how to date how to operate but i think a lot of times you know men don't give the game i think that you you want to be the hero to your princess and you just don't give them the game give them the game give them the game just and that feels a closer relationship so she come home to like dad you know that guy that i was told you about at school you were right he wasn't he was exactly what you said you give them the game and treat it like case studies like you do with your thing it's so easy i mean we find that fun it would find that fun it would it'd be a relatable thing that you could do with your child but also a teaching point right and she won't get played you don't have to worry about that and if she still decides to do that then you need to figure out you know was it on her mama's side or like what was it was it on the other side of the jeans yeah all right so mp says this is why you don't feel sorry for them fellas it's always a jump off point where they choose the wrong path feeling sorry for them will literally ruin your life what are your thoughts on that i mean i feel like if we don't feel if you don't feel sorry for us then women shouldn't feel sorry for y'all and y'all got trauma too i mean some men are damaged from being heartbroken in the seventh grade like y'all y'all got dumped to the seventh grade and every woman since the seventh grade has been the worst woman ever so i mean like if you don't have grace for us then we shouldn't have grace for you i mean it's just a logical thing i think a lot of times though is that you see that this hoe is a hoe like it's a trend for her she is a grown hoe too and then you want to extend grace over there like she's gonna treat you different that's being stupid but if you see that this woman has had a hoe like a phase when she was younger and then she's gotten older and she hasn't you haven't seen that she don't got a bunch of my kids running around bunch of baby daddies um not don't you have to feel sorry for her but give her grace at least give her the opportunity but a lot of times i think i think we both do i think both sides do it men pick women that are not good women and women pick men that are not good men we just do it why do we do that but we do it we do it they are attractive and they're fun you know what i'm saying it's like the dark side is like playing with satan it's fun we'll get to that so the singing the singing chef he says i don't think i've ever heard a single mother explain i didn't see him as a husband but then explain why a man didn't see fit for marriage was suitable or oh you didn't see fit for marriage was suitable for procreating with and then imprinting on your child did she knowingly choose to create even more broken homes by continuing the cycle but i honestly think she dropped a massive gem women fall in love with words this is more meaningful than we think this explains why boo pill rob isn't an interest or as interesting as body count chi so yeah okay so his first question um you didn't see him as a husband but you saw him as a potential father no help us make sense of that i didn't see him as a father either i was i was just sleeping with him i think people don't understand that i was what 20 maybe and i met him you know what i'm saying he seemed like he was a really nice guy he was older than me so i thought he was more mature you understand and we were we were just sleeping together and boom second time i had sex with him pregnant that's it you understand what else you want to say i found out that i was pregnant at 12 weeks and i had one week to decide if i was going to keep the baby or not i decided to keep the baby and that's just how that went really like i decided that i did not want to have an abortion and that i would be a single mom i made that decision because i also started want to be with a man that now we got to be together because of a kid because i've seen people do that too and i just didn't want to do that like if i wanted to be with him i wanted to happen before the kid situation and it would be a choice and we make the baby in love but we just made a baby you know what i'm saying and i didn't want to put my son in a broken home pretending like we liked each other like that you know what i'm saying we were just doing it that's it that's it and if you want to be honest i would have preferred for the person that i was talking to before him to be the dad to be honest but it's not what happened so what do you want from me you want me to lie and say oh i loved i didn't love him i think like i wanted to love him i don't want to pretend to love him like well i think i think what's difficult for us has been to wrap our minds around is we were kind of led to believe that women's hearts and vaginas had some kind of relationship and in order to get to a woman's vagina you kind of have to get to her heart as well okay so whether the woman makes a conscious choice that you know he's going to be the father of my child i think men process it as if your body said yes and your mind granted access some deep part of you saw the man fit to not just have a kid with because i think we simplify by saying have a kid but saw him fit to clone because that's essentially what you do when you have a man's child so help us understand that as a woman who actually has to do the cloning help us understand where we miss it because you because and i want to say this because you hear a lot of women simultaneously say yeah he wasn't shit he still ain't shit he ain't never gonna be shit but like i put my life on the line for nine months to to give the world another version of him it's just not it's not taught to us like that like i don't say what we didn't have the sex talk with like i put my life on the line that nobody tells you having a baby equals potentially dying like it's not given to us like that it's just not and i don't care i don't want people to be afraid but who one person in the black community has ever been told that if that was the case we wouldn't have all these baby kids running around here right let's be real so nobody's been we have i had never i didn't know that i'm telling you like look i'm sorry that somebody told y'all that mind all that was connected but sometimes it's not it's just sometimes it's not and and again a woman will fall in love with words more than sleeping with a man but for me in my instance i can't speak for any other woman in my instance i was just okay that's interesting i was i mean outside of because and that that was my biggest revelation on my journey to understanding women because there there was a lot of things that i assumed and i think a lot of men assume that women kind of know innately just because of everything that's required to be a woman right like it's the from the menstrual cycle to your ph balance and all that shit so we assume as men women are a bit more cautious women are a bit more discriminatory in in who they grant access therefore if it means more if you can get some pussy then it means for a woman to get dick right because there's just a lot more boxes whether she's conscious of it or not there are a lot more boxes she needs to check than the average guy are we misunderstanding that and like women can just really move like men or like is there some truth to that there is some women that can move like men it just depends on what stage of life she's in too like you know i was i had told you that i had the mindset that i was just not even going to get married remember like i said i i didn't want kids and i wasn't going to get married and so i wasn't in the mindset of looking at him as a potential forever does that make sense i was just you know he sound like he's a cool dude like he was cool had a job looked like he had it together somebody i wouldn't have to worry about driving me crazy because he was busy too and it not and that's what i was just you know remember i said i did not want to be responsible for anybody's feelings so when i looked at him i just checked off all the boxes to make sure that i wouldn't have to be responsible for his feelings i went in with a different mindset does that make sense and so um there are women who initially don't have that mindset that i had at that age but develop it over time because they have been hurt does that make sense but i again women are not taught to have any type of mindset when it comes to men in the first place not a realistic one you know we have disney movies we have again tv shows a lot of times women see what they see on tv and that is what they're looking for outwardly in these streets they're not or they see their dad and their mom and so they look for something like that but it's just based on a visual more so than them trying to really figure out what what it is that they want so i mean if if that's the case um why do you think women decide against contraception and then also decide against the plan b and then the even the option to terminate the pregnancy if if the case is the woman is not looking for something serious but ends up with do they do you think women look at it as like this is my baby as opposed to i'm cloning somebody yeah they definitely look at it as it's my baby situation for sure i've heard people have you not heard a woman say that it's my baby you haven't heard that from somebody i've heard it yeah i've heard that before in in in your situation what made you go this way instead of this way because you had you had other options yeah i looked at i looked at having an abortion abortion as murder like my conscience would not allow me to think that that was okay and that was from taking somebody this is real from taking somebody um in my younger years uh when i was living back in LA to go get one you know what i'm saying and then it bothered me the whole time like the after effect and all of that stuff like just taking somebody mess with my mental i just know that i could not handle doing that to myself does that make sense so i just made the conscious decision to go into this by myself like i wasn't going to force him to be a dad and all that stuff because i knew that that's not what we were we're doing but that's not it for certain people like you know again men and women have these pre-relationships where they're talking all the time and they have these you know end up conversations and they feel like they like each other they have sex and then she ends up pregnant and that's why they think that they want more in the situation it just was not my case does that make it just wasn't i didn't do what everybody did for the mind situation to be involved in that so do you think um obviously i think the community has the responsibility to get that message to young girls that it's it is deeper than just fucking somebody yeah especially at that young age like you yeah yes so what do you what would you like to see more of from women getting that because to be fair it's not men's responsibility to give women that game so what would you like to see more from older women letting the young girls know that listen it's not just dick it's more i feel like we need to have like mentorships and then like i wouldn't say conferences but like just go to the school and have a panel of women discussing sex and all of that stuff with young women other thing they have a sex ed class in high school so i don't know but like during that time have different women and different ethnicities too so that they can get a wide perspective of what different women go through during these times and what to do and what not to do but we have to teach each other like we have to be honest with it like when i say what i say other women would have pretended like they had something going on with the men so they didn't seem like oh they were just irresponsible or being a hoe or whatever i can't do that i have to tell you i was not going into that situation with that man thinking that we were gonna have forever i wasn't and when i found out i was pregnant i was 12 weeks right and at that time 13 weeks was the limit i had seven days to figure out what i was going to do and i was still in disbelief i took 10 pregnancy tests okay because in my mind i was invincible and this could never have happened to me right and i saw it a lot of people think like a lot of teenagers a lot of young people are like what this cannot be happening to me but it is happening to you and because we act like it's just you know it's just sex you know we don't not really giving them the game they think it's easy like i told one person this i was like my life may look good but being a single mom ain't fun it's not it was not fun nobody was with me when i had six dollars in my bank account and couldn't figure out what i was going to do or when the buttons in my tv broke and i had to use the pencil to turn the channels for my son y'all don't know all this it's it looks like glistening glamour now but you don't know what we've been through shoot my son doesn't even know what we've been through because he didn't i made sure he didn't know so it's not glistening glamour i don't go around here saying yes be a single mom be like me no i don't do that i think that's dumb i think it's it's dumb and i and i try not i try to downplay everything i do because i don't want anybody to because i was out of order in what i did so that's my accountability so that's what that's the speeches that everybody gets when they come to get their hair done or whenever they see me in the streets i give everybody the same spell you don't want to do this you don't want to do this because it's not all that is practiced up to be and i hate seeing women with their little drinks in their tea and their single mom and they've got kids and they make trying to make it look like it's the best thing since last brand when it's not it's just not help help me understand this because this has been a sticking point for me with um with some ways that i'm seeing women move these days especially during these interviews there's a lot of cognitive dissonance that i'm seeing with women and what i mean by that is specifically with like the submission talk like a lot of especially young girls these days they they are offended by the word submission they they view submission as a um regressive kind of um lesser role and what i've been trying to explain is that the mechanics of sexual intercourse requires submission one person is being entered one person is entering one person is being bent over one person is on their back like literally the mechanics of sex requires submission i think the natural train of thought would be well i should only want to engage in this inherently submissive act with somebody that i have some level of admiration for some level of respect for regard for as opposed to just somebody so why do you think there's that disconnect because for me i think that should be common sense maybe it's not but like why do you think a lot of women think that like even this whole sexual empowerment thing they think that moving like men is empowering even though the literal mechanics puts you at a disadvantage the whole thing puts you at a disadvantage because really we're the ones that suffer all the consequences of sex like what are we doing i don't know and it's just a lack of education the only thing i could say is the lack of education and the lack of assuming responsibility for actions and that's it um we i don't know i haven't heard you know i don't try to listen i don't listen to other women so i'm not quite sure you know what their language is when they say they don't want to be submissive to a man so i'm not i'm kind of in the dark on how it goes with their thought process but i would just say the lack of accountability and the lack of education the lack of things being worded like that because you word things a little bit more realistically that's it listen i just i i give it because again like i think as a man one of the things that i guess red peeled me some people might say is the realization that women as a whole aren't necessarily as thoughtful as we were led to believe because as a young man we were led to believe that you know the average woman is three years more mature than her male peers and things like that but then you see some of the decisions and some of the thought processes and you're like where yeah because again like on the high end we're talking std's pregnancy on the low end we're talking about your ph balance being thrown off so we assumed as men that i had to be that guy in her eyes i had to hit some level of something where i was willing to or she was willing to endure the worst case scenario for me because i've proven that i have the level of integrity or i have the the projection we're like she'll be all right like even if it doesn't end in marriage whatever the case may be but i thought that's how women were making selections now i'm coming to find out that level of thought isn't even there now what i struggle with is i do agree that some of it should be taught but i also think some of it should just be the consequence of women's biology like whether or not you're taught about your period you still gonna bleed once a month right so at some point in your life you take the initiative to get more acquainted with it maybe lessen your cramps or whatever the case may be and i assume that the same thing would happen when it comes to the consequences of who you choose to entertain physically mentally emotionally sexually at least as a woman dudes we can move differently because it's not that deep for us but women i thought y'all were a little bit more thoughtful than that i mean look at society did i mean like what you want me to say you want me to say yes we are it's a lie i'll be lying to you because the results are outside like if you just the results you see them every day like what am i supposed to tell you obviously i i guess but here's i want i want to finish why it bothers me because we're still expected as men to pay a premium and i think back in the day or even you know in more traditional situations men were willing to pay that premium what i mean by that premium is like being expected to make the first move being expected to pay for dates being expected to defend her with your life and things like that i think men were willing to take that deal because there was a level of thoughtfulness and you know things like that that came with women but now we're seeing that that's not necessarily the case so my fear is that this next generation of men your your son's generation my daughter's generation are going to be disincentivized from looking at women as a prize a gift something worth cherishing something with inherent value because women aren't moving like they are worth the extra effort that they are still demanding from us but that's where we have to take responsibility and and do better with women have to take the responsibility and do better with the next generation because i feel like i don't know when it got lost on women that you know somebody would be with back in the day where there was a wanting to protect that person where the the teaching or got lost like where it stopped being innate within us to be those people does that make sense like i don't know you know when that stopped but it stopped at some point like where we're desensitized to being what you would think is thoughtful or to care necessarily about the things that you guys think we should care about i'm just i don't know i don't know how to work what do women care about just because i'm trying to bridge the gap of understanding what what is it that women do care about and how is it different from what men think women care about are we they go by age range and doesn't like it now i know i'm just saying like i think that that's where we're we're messing up like i think like in my age like in that age of like you know what's 15 to 20 i wasn't thinking about the things that you're you know discussing like i didn't think about any of that stuff and and like i said nobody talked to me my mom didn't sit me down and be like this is blah blah this is that that i didn't get that and i don't think a lot of kids get that type of talk and so you know over time of course it's changed and i i feel like time shouldn't have made the standard for me that i should have had you know that discussion prior to and so that's i mean it's going to have to be a discussion i know you don't think it should be but it's not an innate thing it's just not we have to be trained up it's just not it's not an innate thing it's okay how how would you how would you explain um people of other cultures because i can speak as an ajan we i my parents probably think i'm still a virgin and i'm a i'm a dad like i didn't get no damn talk my sister's show is here like no damn talk so like what what do you think is the difference because i i i i'm not seeing enough evidence to think that the differentiating factor is getting the talk hmm so what do you think it is then because i mean i'm being honest i got all i don't know what else it could possibly be because the kids are influenced by tv and everything else but what what else would change it like what else would change it what what the only thing i can say you know i know that grandparents would have like you had a grandma that kind of put you would talk to you two places i like hey you know just quick that's what you you're not doing that don't be nasty i didn't have any i didn't have any grandparents you just knew not to be nasty like some people just don't know what did you have sex how old were you when you had sex 15 me too um why did you have sex at 15 you didn't know nothing about it why did you do it because she was thick that's it and i was a little horny boy so you know that's what happened but i i think um okay i mean even with that even with that being said even with that being said you know okay i i would assume i would still assume that in general men's considerations are different than women's considerations and men's priorities are different than women's priorities and as a dude i was you know i had my thoughts and worries even at that time like you know what will happen if i get this girl pregnant how can i do it but i wasn't thinking about like potentially carrying a baby and a human being growing inside me but if i was a female version of me and i chose to have to have sex at 15 i would assume naturally those are the things i would concern myself with hmm okay nope and especially that initially you like maybe afterwards when you're like oh man you know what i'm saying but like prior to nope mm-hmm let me uh read some more super chat shout out to lowkey still lowkey 21 at the $20 super chat appreciate it brother it says just support shout out to leon again hi leon says one of the best ways to meet people who are consistent is the gym uh nine times out of ten the gym could show how motivated a person is and how ambitious an individual is the problem though is there is a i don't know if you've seen like the tiktok videos the instagram videos of women filming men looking at them at the gym and trying to like me too and things like like the the the popular thing is that the gym is the incorrect place to walk up to a woman so what's what's difficult when is that start oh it's it's yeah it's been a thing but what's difficult is our culture currently is not telling men the green flags it's only telling them the red flags oh don't DM me don't walk up to me at the bar don't walk up to me at the gym i don't want to see you in person like i i i don't i just i like to see people in person okay but i mean i guess the DM situation i don't know listen y'all are confusing me i just kind of like regular old stuff like that makes sense where i can see you and be like okay you know what i'm saying but like hey you know now i know that you can't talk i mean i think i think the the core question that you have to ask yourself is is it working is whatever you're doing currently working if it is then fuck me and whatever i have to say fuck the people in the chat but if it's not working you have to be humble enough and you have to be self-aware enough to make a change yeah that might all right listen um shout out to i am DPP just became a channel member appreciate it brother it really helps this work um let me do this i want to drop the link because uh i don't want this to go over three hours if anybody wants to call in and talk first of all jamie you have time i do yeah okay all right so we'll do a 30 minute thing uh first couple of people up um and if we can't get to you i'm sure we can bring jamie back so i'm gonna drop the link well while i do that um what are your thoughts on this conversation so far i know we've been hounding you about this dm i know i just don't understand what don't you understand ask me questions like you mean like oh you asking me the question about the conversation i think no i'm saying no you said you don't understand so i'm saying ask me questions let me hopefully clarify situation like i like what what if that's just not what i desire is that too much but then see but now that you're putting into perspective like okay men don't know if they should talk to you at the gym blah blah okay i get it a little bit more now you know what i'm saying but i i don't i don't know what restrictions y'all have because i just didn't i didn't look at it like that i didn't i don't even i don't even wear things at the gym really to to entice a man to look at me to be honest i wear sweats so if you talk to me at the gym i'm shocked anyways because i'm not wearing the types that over all this wearing back there that is intentionally trying to make you look at her and then she gets mad at it like i don't even want to do that the only time you see that outfit is when i get done you know i'm saying after i go and do the other stuff that took off the sweats and i was sweating then then you actually see the the outfit underneath the sweats but i don't do that okay real quick shout out to the brother wrench ten dollar super chat just love he says on the wood good brother i appreciate you my brother thank you all right so we've got uh another good brother in the back i'm sure he asked some questions i saw him in the chat we got we got mr mr money marriage and media um and um hello before i bring you up brother let me read this super chat i am dpp he says the black family relied too much on religion to talk to their children versus them actually having a conversation with the children themselves i do i have them i have no i do i have them underneath the sweats i do i got me some cute yeah okay i got matching outfits and everything but i just i don't go there with the intent to entice anybody like that you know i'm saying so for me it's kind of like if you do talk to me cool like i'm like oh okay and then you know you might you might that that's it because you're talking to me based on something else right so uh that's it but like i do okay let's work backwards so what what in your mind like let's say you could author your own book right what would a perfect situation look like since dm's aren't a perfect situation so give me a play-by-play all right i was here doing this and then he walked up and did that all right talk to me no i'm not doing that that's not what's what's what's the issue with that wait what me telling you that because it because there's somebody could try it i don't know i'm not doing it i don't even have a perfect situation i'm just saying that i just want to see the person in person that's it like i just want to see you in person you understand that's it that's but i mean i guess that's not that's not the norm anymore the dms are okay i'm not happy about it and i'm probably will never be happy about it but like you know i'm taking what you guys are saying into consideration okay so what range of man are you looking for like age range because that also dictate things no older than like 45 no younger than what no younger than like 35 so like a just 10 year 35 to 45 okay all right well hey if they if they in the DMs at least now you open them deal oh my god i'll take what i can get that didn't sound enthusiastic but you know it is what it is yeah shout out to as as she she put the link to your dms slide and jayme's dms on on instagram and also get some skin care products as well that's all i'm saying that part um so it looks like money marriage immediate is having some technical difficulty so if anybody else wants to come up this is your opportunity i do got some cute gym clothes though like don't don't get that i just okay well Courtney she got some cute gym clothes all right all right so he is back the man the myth the legend let me go ahead and pull him up and then i'm gonna have your dialogue you know this is somebody that's got a very opinionated you know no no no he's just so he's a solid brother he's a solid brother but you know i like to give latitude but all right i'm gonna let y'all talk what's going on brother you mute it hear him that better there we go there we go all right y'all go at it so uh how you doing good how are you better than i deserve okay that's good that's always the bonus right yeah um so you had you post some interesting topics mostly about um raising children personal opinion one of the things i talk about is that one of the social constructs is broken in our community is preventing us from building is the way we raise our children i think that we are we're raising our children to participate and be active members in the gender war so you mentioned that you have a son correct okay because i'm having issues and it keeps going in and out so i'm trying to be quick as possible yeah so what issues do you see or the better question is is that how do you feel when you look at the girls that are his age as far as whether they're being rate concerned yeah yeah because they don't communicate very well they they already like the bad boy um really bad boys like not you're typical like it's just the athletes they're like really you know get suspended always in trouble um and they get excited off of that and so the the young ladies technically don't have any ambition for a potentially good man or you know no aspirations for something better to be honest so it is concerning for me so then you know um obviously we we test on the topic or you guys test on the topic tonight about there not being enough um good men around my question then is is that how do you go about making sure that your son is going to be a good man without creating the uh the the um the because we talked about the son husband or you guys did so how do you go about raising the son who's going to be a leader but also avoiding son husband or um you know you're avoiding what women his age will value is not going to like what he's going to become is not going to be valuable to women until later in life we we had a discussion so so because because he's like a straight a student honor student all of those type of things we i had to have a discussion with him because i knew mentally it probably play on him and he would start to want to divert what who he is to the bad boy so that he could be more appealing to women does that make sense i'm just being not to the to the girls in school and so i had to give him the game on how the girls in his that he's going to be interacting right now with are going to act does that does that make sense like yeah and so at first he didn't believe me you know what i'm saying but we ran it and i said to allow him to talk to whoever he wants to go through the process and then he just comes back and he'd be like this is what she said what does that actually mean so at least i give him the that that game to to be like okay i think she's saying that like then i'll go and i'm not gonna lie i go and look up the mama sometimes to try and see like where where the girls home is you know i'm saying to give him a better gameplay on the situation are you wasting your time wi