This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. George Eliot Middlemarch Chapter 37 Try as happy she that is so well assured unto herself and settles so in heart that neither will for better be allured, ne' fears to worse with any chance to start, but like a steadyship doth strongly part, the raging waves and keeps her course aright, ne' ought for tempest doth from it depart, ne' ought for fairer weathers false delight, such self-assurance need not fear the spite of grudging foes, ne' favour seek of friends, but in the stay of her own steadfast might, neither to one herself nor other bends, most happy she that most assured doth rest, but he most happy who such one loves spencer. The doubt hinted by Mr. Vincy whether it were only the general election or the end of the world that was coming on, now that George IV was stead, parliament dissolved, Wellington and Peel generally depreciated and the new King apologetic, was a feeble type of the uncertainties in provincial opinion at that time. With the glow-worm lights of country places, how could men see which were their own thoughts in the confusion of a Tory ministry passing liberal measures, or a Tory nobles and electors being anxious to return liberals rather than friends of the rickrion ministers, and how outcries for remedies which seem to have a mysteriously remote bearing on private interest and were made suspicious by the advocacy of disagreeable neighbours. Buyers of the Middle-March newspapers found themselves in an anomalous position. During the agitation on the Catholic question, many had given up the pioneer, which had a motto from Charles James Fox and was in the ban of progress, because it had taken Peel's side about the Papists and had thus splotted its liberalism with a toleration to usury tree and Baal. But they were ill-satisfied with the trumpet, which since its blast against Rome and in the general flaccidity of the public mind, nobody knowing who should support whom, had become feeble in its blowing. It was a time, according to a noticeable article in the pioneer, when the crying needs of the country might well counteract a reluctance to public action on the part of men whose minds had from long experience a quiet breath as well as concentration, decision of judgment as well as tolerance, dispassionateness as well as energy, in fact all those qualities which in the melancholy experience of mankind had been the least disposed to share lodgings. Mr. Hackbutt, whose fluent speech was at that time floating more widely than usual and leaving much uncertainty as to its ultimate channel, was heard to say in Mr. Hawley's office that the article in question emanated from Brooke of Tipton and that Brooke had secretly bought the pioneer some months ago. That means Miss Chief A. said Mr. Hawley.  So much the worse for him. I've had my eye on him for some time. He shall be prettily pumped up on. He's a damned bad landlord. What business has an old county man to come currying favour with a low set of dark blue freemen? As to his paper, I only hope he may do the writing himself. It would be worth our paying for him. I understand he's got a very brilliant young fellow to edit it, who can write the highest style of leading article quite equal to anything in the London papers and he means to take very high ground on reform. Let Brooke reform his rent roll.  I suppose this young fellow is some loose fish from London. His name is Sladislaw. He's said to be a foreign extraction. I know the sorts, said Mr. Hawley, some emissary. He'll begin with flourishing about the rights of men and end with merging a wench. That's the style. You must concede that there are abuses, Hawley, said Mr. Hackbutt, foreseeing some political disagreement with his family lawyer. I myself should never favour immoderate views. In fact, I take my stand with Huskinson, but I cannot blind myself to the consideration that the non-representation of large towns large towns be damned, said Mr. Hawley, impatient of exposition. I know a little too much about middle-march elections. Let them quash every pocket borrow tomorrow and bring in every mushroom town in the kingdom. They'll only increase the expense of getting into Parliament. I go up on facts. Mr. Hawley's disgust at the notion of the pioneer being edited by an emissary and her brook be coming actively political, as if a tortoise of desultory pursuits should protrude its small head ambitiously and become rampant. It was hardly equal to the annoyance felt by some members of Mr. Brookes own family. The result had oozed forth gradually, like the discovery that your neighbour has set up an unpleasant kind of manufacture which will be permanently under your nostrils without legal remedy. The pioneer had been secretly bought even before Will Ladislaw's arrival, the expected opportunity having offered itself in the readiness of the proprietor to part with a valuable property which did not pay. And in the interval since Mr. Brookes had written his invitation, those germinal ideas of making his mind tell upon the world at large which had been present in him from his younger years, although laying in some obstruction had been sprouting undercover. The development was much furthered by a delight in his guest which proved greater than he had anticipated, for it seemed that Will was not only at home in all those artistic and literary subjects which Mr. Brookes had gone into at one time, but that he was strikingly ready at ceasing the points of the political situation and dealing with them in that large spirit which aided by adequate memory lends itself to quotation and general effectiveness of treatment. He seems to me a kind of shali, you know. Mr. Brookes took an opportunity of saying for the gratification of Mr. Casabon. I don't mean as to anything objectionable, laxities or atheists, more anything of that kind, you know. Ladislaw's sentiments in every way I'm sure are good. Indeed, we were talking a great deal together last night, but he has the same sort of enthusiasm for liberty, freedom, emancipation, a fine thing under guidance. Under guidance, you know. I think I shall be able to put him on the right tack, and I'm the more pleased because he's a relation of yours, Casabon. If the right tack implied anything more precise than the rest of Mr. Brookes' speech, Mr. Casabon silently hoped that it referred to some occupation at a great distance from Lowick. He had disliked Will while he helped him, but he had begun to dislike him still more now that Will had declined his help. That is the way with us when we have any uneasy jealousy in our disposition. If our talents are chiefly of the burrowing kind, our honey-sipping cousin whom we have grave reasons for objecting to is likely to have a secret contempt for us, and anyone who admires him passes oblique criticism on ourselves. Having the scruples of rectitude in our souls, we are above the meanness of injuring him. Rather, we meet all his claims on us by active benefits and the drawing of checks for him. Being a superiority which he must recognize gives our bitterness a milder infusion. Now Mr. Casabon had been deprived of that superiority as anything more than a remembrance in a sudden capricious manner. His antipathy to Will did not spring from the common jealousy of a winter-worn husband. It was something deeper, bred by his lifelong claims and discontents. But Dorothea now that she was present, Dorothea, as a young wife, who herself had shown an offensive capability of criticism, necessarily gave concentration to the uneasiness which had before been vague. Will ladyslaw on his side felt that his dislike was flourishing at the expense of his gratitude and spent much inward discourse in justifying the dislike. Casabon hated him. He knew that very well. On his first entrance he could discern a bit bitterness in the mouth and a venom in the glands which would almost justify declaring war in spite of past benefits. He was much obliged to Casabon in the past, but really the act of marrying his wife was a set-off against the obligation. It was a question where the gratitude which refers to what is done for oneself ought not to give way to indignation at what is done against another. And Casabon had done a wrong to Dorothea in marrying her. A man was bound to know himself better than that, and if he choose to grow grey, crunching bones in a cavern, he had no business to beluring a girl into his companionship. It is the most horrible of virgin sacrifices, said Will, and he painted to himself what were Dorothea's inward sorrows as if he had been writing a coric whale. But he would never lose sight of her. He would watch over her. If he gave up everything else in life, he would watch over her, and she should know that she had one slave in the world. Will had, to use Sir Thomas Brown's phrase, a passionate prodigality of statement both to himself and others. The simple truth was that nothing then invited him so strongly as the presence of Dorothea. Invitations of the formal kind had been wanting, however, for Will had never been asked to go to Loic. Mr. Brooke, indeed confident of doing everything agreeable with Casabon, poor fellow, was too much absorbed to think of had arranged to bring Ladislaw to Loic several times, not neglecting, meanwhile, to introduce him elsewhere on every opportunity as a young relative of Casabon's. And though Will had not seen Dorothea alone, their interviews had been enough to restore her former sense of young companionship with one who was clever than herself, yet seemed ready to be swayed by her. Poor Dorothea, before her marriage had never found much room in other minds for what she cared most to say, and she had not, as we know, enjoyed her husband's superior instruction so much as she had expected. If she spoke with any keenness of interest to Mr. Casabon, he heard her with an air of patience, as if she had given a quotation from the Dilectus, familiar to him from his tender years, and sometimes mentioned curtly what ancient sects or personages had held similar ideas as if there were too much of that sort in stock already. At other times he would inform her that she was mistaken and reassert what her remark had questioned. But Will Ladislaw always seemed to see more in what she said than she herself saw. Dorothea had little vanity, but she had the ardent woman's need to rule beneficently by making the joy of another soul. Hence the mere chance of seeing Will occasionally was like a lunette opening the wall of her prison, giving her a glimpse of the sunny air, and this pleasure began to nullify her original alarm at what her husband might think about the instruction of Will as her uncle's guest. On this subject Mr. Casabon had remained dumb. But Will wanted to talk with Dorothea alone and was impatient of slow circumstance. However slight the terrestrial intercourse between Dante and Beatrice or Petrarch and Laura time changes the proportion of things, and in latter days it is preferable to have fewer sonnets and more conversation. Necessity excused Stratagem, but Stratagem was limited by the dread of offending Dorothea. He found out at last that he wanted to take a particular schedule at Loic, and one morning when Mr. Brooke had to drive along the Loic road on his way to the county town, Will asked to be set down with his sketchbook and campstool at Loic. And without announcing himself at the manner settled himself to sketch in a position where he must see Dorothea if she came out to walk, and he knew that she usually walked an hour in the morning. But the Stratagem was defeated by the weather. Clouds gathered with treacherous quickness. The rain came down, and Will was obliged to take shelter in the house. He intended on the strength of relationship to go into the drawing-room and wait there without being announced. And seeing his old acquaintance, the butler in the hall, he said, Don't mention that I'm here, Pratt. I will wait till luncheon. I know Mr. Casabon does not like to be disturbed when he's in the library. Masters out, sir. There is only Mrs. Casabon in the library. I'd better tell her you're here, sir, said Pratt, a red-cheeked man, given to lively converse with tantric and often agreeing with her that it must be dull for madam. Oh, very well. This confounded rain has hindered me from sketching, said Will, feeling so happy that he affected indifference with the delightful ease. In another minute, he was in the library, and Dorothea was meeting him with her sweet unconstrained smile. Mr. Casabon has gone to the Archdeacons, she said at once. I don't know whether he will be at home again long before dinner. He was uncertain how long he should be. Did you want to say anything particular to him? No, no. I came to sketch, but the rain drove me in. Else I would not have disturbed you yet. I supposed that Mr. Casabon was here, and I know he dislikes interruption at this hour. I'm indebted to the rain, then. I'm so glad to see you. Dorothea uttered these common words with the simple sincerity of an unhappy child visited at school. I really came for the chance of seeing you alone, said Will mysteriously, and of course to be just as simple as she was. He could not stay to ask himself, why not? I wanted to talk about things as we did in Rome. It always makes a difference when other people are present. Yes, said Dorothea in her clear, full tone of a scent. Sit down. She seated herself on a dark ottoman with a brown box behind her, looking in her plain dress of some thin, woolen, white material without a single ornament on her besides her wedding ring, as if she were under a bow to be different from all other women. And Will sat down opposite her at two yards distance, the light falling on his bright curls and delicate, but rather petulant profile with its defined curves of lip and chin. Each looked at the other as if they had been two flowers which had opened then and there. Dorothea, for the moment, forgot her husband's mysterious irritation against Will. It seemed fresh water at her thirsty lips to speak without fear to the one person whom she had found receptive for in looking backward through sadness she exaggerated a past solace. I've often thought that I should like to talk to you again, she said immediately. It seems strange to me how many things I said to you. I remember them all, said Will, with the unspeakable content of his soul of feeling that he was in the presence of a creature worthy to be perfectly loved. I think his own feelings at that moment were perfect. For we mortals have our divine moments when love is satisfied in the completeness of the beloved object. I have tried to learn a great deal since we were in Rome, said Dorothea. I can read Latin a little and I'm beginning to understand just a little Greek. I can help Mr. Casabon better now. I can find out references for him and save his eyes in many ways, but it is very difficult to be learned. It seems as if people were worn out on the way to great thoughts and can never enjoy them because they are too tired. If a man has a capacity for great thoughts, he's likely to overtake them before he's decrepit, said Will, with irrepressible quickness. But through certain sensibilities, Dorothea was as quick as he, and seeing her face changed, he added immediately. But it is quite true that the best minds have been sometimes overstrained in working out their ideas. You correct me, said Dorothea. I expressed myself ill. I should have said that those who have great thoughts get too much worn in working them out. I used to feel about that, even when I was a little girl. And it always seemed to me that the use I should like to make of my life would be to help someone who did great works so that his burden might be lighter. Dorothea was led to this bit of autobiography without any sense of making a revelation. But she had never before said anything to Will, which threw so strong a light on our marriage. He did not shrug his shoulders, and for want of that muscular outlet he thought the more irritably of beautiful lips kissing holy skulls and other emptinesses eclastically enshrined. Also he had to take care that his speech should not betray that thought. But you may easily carry that help too far, he said, and get over wrought yourself.  You already look paler. It would be better for Mr. Cazupon to have a secretary. He could easily get a man who would do half his work for him. It would save him more effectually, and you need only helping in lighter ways. Oh, how can you think of that, Sir Dorothea in a tone of earnest remonstrance? I should have no happiness if I did not help him in his work. What could I do? There is no good to be done in Lowick. The only thing I desire is to help him more. And he objects to a secretary. Please, not to mention that again. Certainly not now I know your feeling, but I've heard both Mr. Brook and Sir James Chetum express the same wish. Yes, Sir Dorothea, but they don't understand. They want me to be a great deal on horseback and have the garden altered and new conservatories to fill up my days. I thought you could understand that one's mind has other ones. She added rather impatiently. Besides, Mr. Cazupon cannot bear to hear of a secretary. My mistake is excusable, said Will. In old days I used to hear Mr. Cazupon speak as if he looked forward to having a secretary. Indeed, he held out the prospect of that office to me. But I turned out to be not good enough for it. Dorothea was trying to extract out of this an excuse for her husband's evident repulsion, as she said with a playful smile. You were not a steady worker enough. No, said Will, shaking his head backward somewhat after the manner of a spirited horse. And then the old irritable demon prompting him to give another good pinch at the moth-wings of poor Mr. Cazupon's glory he went on. And I have seen since that Mr. Cazupon does not like anyone to overlook his work and know thoroughly what he is doing. He is too doubtful to uncertain of himself. I may not be good for much, but he dislikes me because I disagree with him. Will was not without his intention to be always generous, but our tangles are little triggers which have usually been pulled before general intentions can be brought to bear. And it was too intolerable that Cazupon's dislike of him should not be fairly accounted for to Dorothea. Yet, when he had spoken, he was rather uneasy as to the effect on her. But Dorothea was strangely quiet, not immediately indignant as she had been on a like occasion in Rome, and the cause lay deep. She was no longer struggling against the perception of facts, but adjusting herself to their clearest perception. And now, when she looked steadily at her husband's failure, still more at his possible consciousness of failure, she seemed to be looking along the one track where duty became tenderness. Will's want of reticence might have been met with more severity if he had not already been recommended to her mercy by her husband's dislike, which must seem hard to her till she saw better reason for it. She did not answer at once, but after looking down ruminatingly, she said with some earnestness, Mr. Casper must have overcome his dislike of you so far as his actions were concerned, and that is admirable. Yes, he has shown a sense of justice in family matters. It was an abominable thing that my grandmother should have been inherited because she made what they called a Miss Allianz, though there was nothing to be said against her husband, except that he was a Polish refugee who gave lessons for his bread. I wish I knew all about her, said Dorothea. I wonder how she bore the change from wealth to poverty. I wonder whether she was happy with her husband. Do you know much about them? No, only that my grandfather was a patriot, a bright fellow, could speak many languages, musical, got his bread by teaching all sorts of things. They both died rather early, and I never knew much of my father beyond what my mother told me, but he inherited the musical talents. I remember his slow walk and his long thin hands, and one day remains with me when he was lying ill, and I was very hungry and had only a little bit of bread. Ah, what a different life from mine, said Dorothea, with keen interest, clasping her hands on her lap. I have always had too much of everything, but tell me how it was. Mr. Kasbon could not have known about you then. No, but my father had made himself known to Mr. Kasbon, and that was my last hungry day. My father died soon after, and my mother and I were well taken care of. Mr. Kasbon always expressly recognized it as his duty to take care of us because of the harsh injustice which had been shown to his mother's sister. But now I'm telling you what is not new to you. In his inmost soul, Will was conscious of wishing to tell Dorothea what was rather new, even in his own construction of things, namely that Mr. Kasbon had never done more than pay a debt towards him. Will was much too good a fellow to be easy under the sense of being ungrateful, and when gratitude has become a matter of reasoning, there are many ways of escaping from its bonds. No, answered Dorothea, Mr. Kasbon has always avoided dwelling on his own honorable actions. She did not feel that her husband's conduct was depreciated, but his notion of what justice had required in his relations with Will Ladislaw took strong hold on our mind.  Is she still living? No, she died by an accident, a fall four years ago. It is curious that my mother too run away from her family, but not for the sake of her husband. She never would tell me anything about her family, just that she forsook them to get her own living. Went on the stage, in fact. She was a dark-eyed creature with crisp ringlets and never seemed to be getting old. You see, I come of rebellious blood on both sides. Will ended smiling brightly at Dorothea, while she was still looking with serious intentness before her, like a child seeing a drama for the first time. But her face too broke into a smile, as she said. That is your apology, I suppose, for having yourself been rather rebellious. I mean to Mr. Casper's wishes. You must remember that you have not done what he thought best for you. And if he dislikes you, you were speaking of dislike a little while ago, but I should rather say, if he has shown any painful feelings towards you, you must consider how sensitive he has become from the wearing effect of study. Perhaps she continued getting into a bleeding tone. My uncle has not told you how serious Mr. Casper's illness was. It would be very pretty of us who are well and can bear things to think much of small offenses from those who carry a weight of trial. You teach me better, said Will. I will never grumble on that subject again. There was a gentleness in his tone, which came from the unutterable contentment of perceiving what Dorothea was hardly conscious of, that she was travelling into the remoteness of pure pity and loyalty towards her husband. Will was ready to adore her pity and loyalty if she would associate himself with her in manifesting them. I have really sometimes been a perverse fellow, he went on, but I will never again, if I can help it, do or say what you would disapprove. That is very good of you, said Dorothea, with another open smile. I shall have a little kingdom then, where I shall give laws, but you will soon go away out of my rule, I imagine. You will soon be tired of staying at the Grange. That is a point I wanted to mention to you, one of the reasons why I wished to speak to you alone. Mr Broke proposed that I should stay in this neighborhood. He has bought one of the Middle March newspapers and he wishes me to conduct that and also to help him in other ways. Would not that be a sacrifice of higher prospects for you? said Dorothea. Perhaps, but I have always been blamed for thinking of prospects and not settling to anything. And there is something offered to me. If you would not like me to accept it, I will give it up. Otherwise, I would rather stay in this part of the country than go away. I belong to nobody anywhere else. I should like you to stay very much, said Dorothea at once, as simply and readily as she had spoken at Rome. There was not the shadow of a reason in her mind at the moment why she should not say so. Then I will stay, said Ladislaw, shaking his head backward, rising and going towards the window as if to see whether the rain had ceased. But the next moment Dorothea, according to habit which was getting continually stronger, began to reflect that her husband felt differently from herself and she colored deeply under the double embarrassment of having expressed what might be in opposition to her husband's feeling and of having to suggest this opposition to Will. If his face was not turned towards her and this made it easier to say. But my opinion is of little consequence on such a subject. I think you should be guided by Mr. Caspern. I spoke without thinking of anything else than my own feeling, which has nothing to do with the real question. But it now occurs to me, perhaps Mr. Caspern might see that the proposal was not wise. Can you not wait now and mention it to him? I can't wait today, said Will, inwardly seared by the possibility that Mr. Caspern would enter. The rain is quite over now. I told Mr. Brook not to call for me. I would rather walk the five miles. I shall strike across Halselcom and see the gleams of the wet grass. I like that. I approached her to shake hands quite hurriedly, longing but not daring to say, don't mention the subject to Mr. Caspern. No, he dared not, could not say it. To ask her to be less simple and direct would be like breathing on the crystal that you want to see the light through. And there was always the other great dreed of himself becoming dimmed and forever ray shorn in her eyes. I wish you could have stayed, said Dorothea, with a touch of mournfulness as she rose and put out her hand. She also had her thought which she did not like to express. Will certainly ought to lose no time in consulting Mr. Caspern's wishes. But for her to urge this might seem an undue dictation. So they only said goodbye and Will quitted the house striking across the fields so as not to run any risk of encountering Mr. Caspern's carriage which however did not appear at the gate until four o'clock. That was an un-propitious hour for coming home. It was too early to gain the moral support under NOE of dressing his person for dinner and too late to undress his mind of the day's frivolous ceremony and affairs so as to be prepared for a good plunge into his business of study. On such occasions he usually threw into an easy chair in the library and allowed Dorothea to read the London papers to him closing his eyes the while. Today however he declined that relief observing that he had already had too many public details urged upon him but he spoke more cheerfully than usual when Dorothea asked about his fatigu and added, with that air of formal effort which never foresook him even when he spoke without his waist-coast and cravat. I've had the gratification of meeting my former acquaintance Dr. Spanning today and of being praised by one who is himself a worthy recipient of praise. He spoke very handsomely on my leg to tract out on the Egyptian mysteries using in fact terms which it would not become me to repeat. In uttering the last clause Mr. Caspin leaned over the elbow over his chair and swayed his head up and down apparently as a muscular outlet instead of that recapitulation which would not have been becoming. I'm very glad you've had that pleasure Dorothea delighted to see her husband less wary than usual at this hour. Before you came I had been regretting that you happened to be out today. Why so my dear? said Mr. Caspin throwing himself backward again. Because Mr. Ladislaw has been here and he has mentioned a proposal on my uncle which I should like to know your opinion of. Her husband she felt was really concerned in this question. Even with her ignorance of the world she had a vague impression that the position offered to Will keeping with his family connection and certainly Mr. Caspin had a claim to be consulted. He did not speak but merely bowed. Dear uncle you know as many projects it appears that he has bought one of the middle much newspapers and he has asked Mr. Ladislaw to stay in this neighborhood and conduct the paper for him besides helping him in other ways. Dorothea looked at her husband while she spoke but he had at first blinked and finally closed his eyes as if to save them while his lips became more tense. What is your opinion she added rather timidly after a slight pause. Did Mr. Ladislaw come on purpose to ask my opinion? said Mr. Caspin opening his eyes narrowly with a knife edgy look at Dorothea. She was really uncomfortable on the point he inquired about but she only became a little more serious and her eyes did not spurve. No she answered immediately he did not say that he came to ask your opinion but when he mentioned the proposal he of course expected me to tell you of it. Mr. Caspin was silent. I fear that you might feel some objection but certainly a young man with so much talent might be very useful to my uncle might help him to do good in a better way and Mr. Ladislaw wishes to have some fixed occupation. He has been blamed he says for not seeking something of that kind and he would like to stay in this neighborhood because no one cares for him elsewhere. Dorothea felt that this was a consideration to soften her husband. However he did not speak and she presently recurred to Dr. Spanning and the Archdeacon's breakfast but there was no longer sunshine on these subjects. The next morning without Dorothea's knowledge Mr. Caspin dispatched the following letter beginning Dear Mr. Ladislaw he had always before addressed him as will. Mrs. Caspin informs me that a proposal has been made to you and according to an inference by no means stretched has on your part been in some degree entertained which involves your residence in the neighborhood in a capacity which I'm justified in saying touches my own position in such a way as renders it not only natural and warrantable in me when that effect is viewed under the influence of legitimate feeling but in comment on me when the same effect is considered in the light of my responsibilities to state at once that your acceptance of the proposal above indicated would be highly offensive to me that I have some claim to the exercise of a veto here would not I believe be denied by any reasonable person cognizant of the relations between us. Relations with those thrown into the past by your recent procedure thereby annulled in their character of determining antecedents I will not here make reflections of any person's judgment it is enough for me to point out to yourself that there are certain social fitnesses and proprieties which should hinder a somewhat near relative of mine from becoming any wise conspicuous in this vicinity in a status not only much beneath my own but associated at best with the skillness of literary or political adventures at any rate the contrary issue must exclude you from further reception at my house yours faithfully Edward Casper Meanwhile Dorothea's mind was innocently at work towards the further embitement of her husband dwelling with a sympathy that grew to agitation on what Will had told her about his parents and grandparents any private hours in her day were usually spent in her blue-green boudoir and she had come to be very fond of its pallid quaintness nothing had been outwardly altered there but while the summer had gradually advanced over the western fields beyond the avenue of Elms the bare room had gathered within it those memoirs of an inward life which filled the air as with a cloud of good or bad angels the invisible yet active forms of our spiritual triumphs or our spiritual faults she had been so used to struggle for and to find resolve in looking along the avenue towards the arch of western light that the vision itself had gained a communicating power even the pale stag seemed to have reminding glances and to mean mutely yes we know and the group of delicately touched miniatures had made an audience as of beings no longer disturbed by their own earthly lot but still humanly interested especially the mysterious Aunt Julia about whom Dorothea had never found it easy to question her husband and now since her conversation with Will many fresh images had gathered around that Aunt Julia who was Will's grandmother the presence of that delicate miniature so like a living face that she knew helping to concentrate her feelings what a wrong to cut off the girl from the familiar protection and inheritance only because she had chosen a man who was poor Dorothea early troubling her elders with questions about the facts around her had brought herself into some independent clearness as to the historical, political reasons why eldest sons had superior rights and why land should be entailed those reasons impressing her with a certain aid might be weightier than she knew but here was a question of ties which left them uninfringed here was a daughter whose child even according to the ordinary aping of aristocratic institutions by people who are no more aristocratic than retired grocers and who have no more land to keep together than a lawn and a paddock would have a prior claim was inheritance a question of liking or of responsibility all the energy of Dorothea's nature went on the side of responsibility the fulfillment of claims founded on our own deeds such as marriage and parentage it was true she said to herself that Mr. Caspan had adept to the Ladislaus that he had to pay back what the Ladislaus had been wronged of and now she began to think of her husband's will which had been made at the time of their marriage leaving the bulk of his property to her with Provisio in case of her having children that ought to be altered and no time ought to be lost this very question which had just arisen about the Ladislaus occupation was the occasion for placing things on a new right footing her husband she felt sure according to all his previous conduct would be ready to take the just view if she proposed it she in whose interest an unfair concentration of the property had been urged his sense of right had surmounted and would continue to surmount anything that might be called antipathy she suspected that her uncle's scheme was disapproved by Mr. Caspan and this made it seem all the more opportune that a fresh understanding should be begun so that instead of Will's starting penniless and accepting the first function that offered itself he should find himself in possession of a rightful income which should be paid by her husband during his life and by an immediate alteration of the Will should be secured at his death the vision of all this as what ought to be done seemed to Dorothea like a sudden letting-in of daylight waking her from her previous stupidity and incurious self-absorbed ignorance about her husband's relation to others Will Ladislaw had refused Mr. Caspan's future aid on a ground that no longer appeared right to her and Mr. Caspan had never himself seen fully what was the claim upon him but he will, said Dorothea the great strength of his character lies here and what are we doing with our money? we make no use of half of our income my own money buys me nothing but an uneasy conscience there was a peculiar fascination for Dorothea in this division of property intended for herself and always regarded by her as excessive she was blind you see to many things obvious to others likely to tread in the wrong places as Celia had warned her yet her blindness to whatever did not lie in her own pure purpose carried her safely by the side of precipice where vision would have been perilous with fear the thoughts which had gathered vividness in the solitude of her boudoir occupied her incessantly through the day on which Mr. Caspan had sent his letter to Will everything seemed hindrance to her till she could find an opportunity of opening her heart to her husband to his preoccupied mind all subjects were to be approached gently and she had never since his illness lost from her consciousness the dreed of agitating him but when young Arder is set brooding over the conception of a prompt deed the deed itself seems to start forth with independent life mastering ideal obstacles the day passed in a somber fashion not unusual though Mr. Caspan was perhaps unusually silent but there were hours of the night which might be counted on as opportunities of conversation for Dorothea when aware of her husband's sleeplessness had established the habit of rising lighting a candle and reading him to sleep again and this night she was from the beginning sleepless excited by resolves he slept as usual for a few hours but she had risen softly and had sat in the darkness for nearly an hour before he said Dorothea since you're up will you light a candle do you feel ill dear was her first question as she obeyed him no not at all but I shall be obliged since you are up if you will read me a few pages so low may I talk to you a little instead said Dorothea certainly I have been thinking about money all day that I have always had too much and especially the prospect of too much these my dear Dorothea are providential arrangements but if one has too much in consequence of others being wrong it seems to me that the divine voice which tells us to set that wrong right must be obeyed what my love is the bearing of your mark that you have been too liberal in arrangements for me I mean with regard to property and that makes me unhappy how so I have none but comparatively distant connections I have been led to think about your Aunt Julia and how she was left in poverty only because she married a poor man an act which was not disgraceful since he was not unworthy it was on that ground I know that you educated Mr Ladislaw and provided for his mother Dorothea waited for a few moments for some answer that would help her onward none came and her next words seemed the more forcible to her falling clear upon the dark silence but surely we should regard his claim as a much greater one even to the half of that property which I know that you have destined for me and I think he ought at once to be provided for on that understanding it is not right that he should be in the dependence of poverty while we are rich and if there is any objection to the proposal he mentioned that giving him his true place and his true share would set aside any motive for his accepting it Mr Ladislaw has probably been speaking to you on this subject said Mr Caspern with a certain biting quickness not habitual to him indeed no said Dorothea earnestly how can you imagine it since he has so lately declined everything from you I fear you think too hardly of him dear he only told me a little about his parents and grandparents and almost all in answer to my questions you are so good so just you've done everything you thought to be right but it seems to me clear that more than that is right and I must speak about it since I'm the person who would get what is called benefit by that more not being done there was a perceptible pause before Mr Caspern replied not quickly as before but with a still more biting emphasis Dorothea my love this is not the first occasion but it were well that it should be the last on which you have assumed a judgment on subjects beyond your school into the question how far conduct especially in the matter of alliances constitutes a forfeiture of family claims I do not now enter suffice it that you are not here qualified to discriminate what I now wish you to understand is that I accept no revision still less dictation within that range of affairs which I have deliberated upon as distinctly and properly mine it is not for you to interfere between me and Mr Ladislaw and still less to encourage communications from him to you which constitute a criticism on my procedure poor Dorothea shrouded in the darkness was in a tumult of conflicting emotions alarm at the possible effect on himself of her husband's strongly manifested anger would have checked any expression of her own resentment even if she had been quite free from doubt and communication under the consciousness that there might be some justice in his last insinuation hearing him breathe quickly after he had spoken she sat listening frightened wretched with a dumb inward cry for help to bear this nightmare of a life in which every energy was arrested by tree but nothing else happened except that they both remained a long while sleepless without speaking again the next day Mr. Kaspen received the following answer from Will Ladislaw Dear Mr. Kaspen I have given all due consideration to your letter of yesterday but I am unable to take precisely your view of our mutual position with the fullest acknowledgement of your generous conduct to me in the past I must still maintain that an obligation of this kind cannot fairly fete me as you appear to expect that it should granted that a benefactor's wishes may constitute a claim there must always be a reservation as to the quality of those wishes they may possibly clash with more imperative considerations or a benefactor's veto might impose such a negation on a man's life that the consequent blank might be more cruel than the benefaction was generous I'm merely using strong illustrations in the present case I'm unable to take your view of the bearing which my acceptance of occupation not enriching certainly but not dishonourable will have on your own position which seems to me too substantial to be affected in that shadowy manner and though I do not believe that any change in our relations will occur certainly none has yet occurred which can nullify the obligations imposed on me by the past pardon me for not seeing that those obligations should restrain me from using the ordinary freedom of living where I choose and maintaining myself by any lawful occupation I may choose regretting that there exists this difference between us as to a relation in which the conferring of benefits has been entirely on your side I remain yours with persistent obligation will Ladislaw poor Mr. Kaspen felt and must not we being impartial feel with him a little that no man had just a cause for disgust and suspicion than he young Ladislaw he was sure meant to defy and annoy him meant to win Dorothea's confidence and sow her mind with disrespect and perhaps a version towards her husband some motive beneath the surface had been needed to account for will sudden change of in rejecting Mr. Kaspen's aid and quitting his travels and this defined determination to fix himself in the neighbourhood by taking up something so much at variance with his former choice as Mr. Brooks Middlemarch projects revealed clearly enough that the undeclared motive had relations to Dorothea not for one moment did Mr. Kaspen suspect Dorothea of any doubleness he had no suspicion of her but he had what was little less uncomfortable the positive knowledge that her tendency to form opinions about her husband's conduct was accompanied with a disposition to regard will Ladislaw favourably and be influenced by what he said his own proud reticence had prevented him from ever being undeceived in the supposition that Dorothea had originally asked her uncle to invite will to his house and now on receiving will's letter Mr. Kaspen had to consider his duty he would never have been easy to call his action anything else than duty but in this case contending motives thrust him back into negations should he apply directly to Mr. Brook and demand of that troublesome gentleman to revoke his proposal or should he consult Sir James Chetam and get him to conquer in remonstrance against a step which touched the whole family in either case Mr. Kaspen was aware that failure was just as probable as a success it was impossible for him to mention Dorothea's name in the matter and without some alarming urgency Mr. Brook was as likely as not after meeting all representations with apparent ascent to wind up by saying Never fear Kaspen, depend upon it young Ladislaw will do your credit depend upon it I put my finger on the right thing and Mr. Kaspen shrank nervously from communicating on the subject with Sir James Chetam between whom and himself there had never been any cordiality and who would immediately think of Dorothea without any mention of her poor Mr. Kaspen was distrustful of everybody's feelings towards him especially as a husband to let anyone suppose that he was jealous would be to admit their suspected view of his disadvantages to let them know that he did not find marriage particularly blissful would imply his conversion to their probably earlier disapproval it would be as bad as letting carp and brass nos generally know how backward he was in organizing the matter for his key to all mythologies all through his life Mr. Kaspen had been trying not to admit even to himself the inward sores of self doubt and jealousy and on the most delicate of all personal subjects the habit of proud suspicious reticence told doubly thus Mr. Kaspen remained proudly bitterly silent but he had forbidden will to come to low eat manner and he was mentally preparing other measures of frustration End of chapter 37 of Middle March by George Eliot read by Lars Rolander This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please contact LibriVox.org George Eliot Middle March Chapter 38 c'est beaucoup que le jugement des hommes sur les actions humaines tout au tard ils deviennent efficaces guiseaux Sir James Chetham could not look with any satisfaction on Mr. Brooks new courses but it was easier to object than to hinder Sir James accounted for his having come in alone one day to lunch with the Cadwalladders by saying I can't talk to you as I want before Celia it might hurt her indeed it would not be right oh I know what you mean the pioneer at the Grange darted in Mrs. Cadwalladder almost before the last word was of her friend's tongue it is frightful this taking to buying whistles and blowing them in everybody's hearing lying in bed all day and playing at Dominos like poor Lord Plessy would be more private and bearable I see they are beginning to attack our friend broke in the trumpet said the rector launching back and smiling easily as he would have done if he had been attacked himself there are tremendous sarcasm against a landlord not a hundred miles from Middle March who receives his own rents and makes new returns I do wish Brooke would leave that off said Sir James with his little frown of annoyance is he really going to put in nomination though said Mr. Cadwalladder I saw Fairbrother yesterday he swiggish himself, hoist broam and useful knowledge that's the worst I know of him and he says that Brooke is getting up a pretty strong party whilst through the bakery is his foremost man but he thinks Brooke would come off badly at a nomination exactly said Sir James with earnestness I've been inquiring into the thing for I've never known anything about Middle March politics before the county being my business what Brooke trusts too is that they are going to turn out Oliver because he's a pillie but wholly tells me that if they send up a wig at all it is sure to be Bagster one of those candidates who come from heaven knows where but dead against ministers and an experienced parliamentary man whole is rather rough he forgot that he was speaking to me he said if Brooke wanted a pelting he could get it cheaper than by going to hostings I want you all of it said Mrs. Cadwalladder waving her hands outward I said to Humphrey long ago Mr. Brooke is going to make a splash in the mud and now he's done it well he might have taken it into his head to marry said the rector that would have been a graveer mess than a little flirtation with politics he may do that afterwards said Mrs. Cadwalladder when he has come out on the other side of the mud with an egg what I care for most is his own dignity said Sir James of course I care the more because of the family but he's getting on in life now and I don't like to think of his exposing himself they will be raking up everything against him I suppose it's no use trying any persuasion said the rector there's such an odd mixture of obstinacy and changeableness in Brooke have you tried him on the subject oh well now said Sir James I feel a delicacy in appearing to dictate but I have been talking to this young Ladislaw that Brooke is making a factotum of Ladislaw seems clever enough for anything I thought it is well to hear what he had to say and he is against Brooke's standing this time I think he'll turn him round I think the nomination we stayed off I know said Mrs. Cadwalladder nodding the independent member hasn't got his speech as well enough by heart but this Ladislaw there again is a vexatious business said Sir James we've had him two or three times to dine at the hall I have met him by the by as Brooke's guest and a relation of Caspons thinking he was only on a flying visit and now I find he's in everybody's mouth in middle-march as the editor of the pioneer there are stories going about him as a quill-driving alien a foreign emissary and what not Caspon won't like that said the rector there is some foreign blood in Ladislaw return Sir James I hope he won't go into extreme opinions and carry Brooke on oh he's a dangerous young sprig that Mr. Ladislaw said Mr. Cadwalladder with his opera songs and his ready-tang a sort of bironic hero and an amorous conspirator it strikes me and Thomas Aquinas is not fond of him I could see that the day the picture was brought I don't like to begin on the subject with Caspon said Sir James he has more right to interfere than I but is a disagreeable affair all around what a character for anybody with decent connections to show himself in one of those newspaper fellows you've only look at Keck who managed the trumpet I saw him the other day with Hawley his writing is sound enough I believe but he's such a low fellow that I wished he had been on the wrong side oh what can you expect with these peddling middle-march papers said the rector I don't suppose you could get a high style of a man anywhere to be writing up interests he doesn't really care about and for pay that hardly keeps him at elbows exactly that makes it so annoying that Brooke should have put a man who's a sort of connection with a family in a position of that kind for my part I think Ladislaw is rather a fool for accepting it is a queen's fault said Mr Cadwalludder why didn't he use his interest to get Ladislaw made a nettoshi or sent to India that is how families get rid of troublesome sprigs oh there's no knowing to what lengths the mischief may go said Sir James anxiously but if Caspon says nothing what can I do oh my dear Sir James said the rector don't let us make too much of all this it is likely enough to end in mere smoke after a month or two Brooke and this master Ladislaw will get tired of each other Ladislaw will take wing Brooke will sell the pioneer and everything will settle down again as usual there is a good chance that he will not like to feel his money oozing away said Mrs Cadwalludder if I knew the items of election expenses I could scare him it's no use plying him with wide words like expenditure I wouldn't talk of phlebotomy I would empty a pot of leeches upon him what we good stingy people don't like is having our expenses sucked away from us and he will not like having things raked up against him said Sir James there is the management of his estate they have begun upon that already and it really is painful for me to see these nuisance under one's very nose I do think one is bound to do the best for one's land and tenants especially in these hard times perhaps the trumpet may rouse him to make a change and some good may come of it all said the rector I know I should be glad I should hear less grumbling when my vice is paid I don't know what I should do if there were not a motor syntipton I want him to have a proper man to look after things I want him to take on Garth again said Sir James he got rid of Garth twelve years ago and everything has been going wrong since I think of getting Garth to manage for me he's made such a capital plan for my buildings and love-god is hardly up to the mark but Garth would not undertake the tipton estate again unless Brooke left it entirely to him in the right of it too said the rector Garth is an independent fellow an original simple-minded fellow one day when he was doing some valuation for me he told me point-blank that clergyman seldom understood anything about business and did mischief when they meddled but he said it as quietly and respectfully as if he had been talking to me about sailors he would make a different parish of tipton if Brooke would let him manage I wish by the help of the trumpet you could bring that round if Dorothea had kept near her uncle there would have been some change said Sir James she might have got some power over him in time and she was all so uneasy about this state she had wonderfully good notions about such things but now Caspern takes her up entirely Celia complains a good deal we can hardly get her to dine with us since he had that fit Sir James ended with a look of pity and disgust and Mrs. Cadwallader shrugged her shoulders as much as to say that she was not likely to see anything new in that direction Poor Caspern, the rector said that was a nasty attack I thought he looked shattered the other day at the Archdeacons In point of fact, resumed Sir James not choosing to dwell on fits Brooke doesn't mean badly by his tenants or anyone else but he's got that way of paring and clipping at expenses Come, that's a blessing said Mrs. Cadwallader that helps him to find himself in the morning he may not know his own opinions but he does know his own pocket I don't believe a man is in pocket by stinginess on his lands, Sir James Oh, stinginess may be abused like other virtues it will not do to keep one's own pigs lean said Mrs. Cadwallader who had risen to look out of the window by talk of an independent politician and he will appear What?  The fact is I don't like to begin about it with Brooke in our mutual position the whole thing is so unpleasant I do wish people would behave like gentlemen said the good Baronet feeling that this was a simple and comprehensive program for social well-being I hear you all are, eh? said Mr. Brooke shuffling round and shaking hands I was going up to the hall by and by, Chetum but it's pleasant to find everybody you know Well, what do you think of things? Going on a little fast? It was true enough what Lafitte said since yesterday a century has passed away there in the next century, you know on the other side of the water going on faster than we are Oh, why yes, said the rector taking up the newspaper Here's the trumpet accusing you of lagging behind Did you see? Eh, no, said Mr. Brooke dropping his gloves into his hat and hastily adjusting his eyeglass but Mr. Cadwalludder kept the paper in his hand saying with a smile in his eyes Look here, all this is about a landlord not a hundred miles from Middlemarch who receives his own rents They say he's the most retrogressive man in the county I think you must have taught them that word in the pioneer Oh, that is key An illiterate fellow, you know retrogressive now Come, that's capital He thinks it means destructive They want to make me out of destructive, you know said Mr. Brooke with that cheerfulness which is usually sustained by an unadversary ignorance I think he knows the meaning of the word Here is a sharp stroke or two If we had to describe a man who is retrogressive in the most evil sense of the word we should say he is one who would dub himself a reformer of our constitution while every interest for which he is immediately responsible is going to decay A philanthropist who cannot bear one rouge to be hanged but does not mind five on his tenants being half-starved a man who shrieks at corruption and keeps his farms at rack rent who roars himself red at rotten boroughs and does not mind if every field on his farm has a rotten gate a man very open-hearted to Leeds and Manchester No doubt he would give any number of representatives who will pay for their seats out of their own pockets What he objects to giving is a little return of rent days to help a tenant to buy stock or an outlay on repairs to keep the weather out of a tenant's barn door or make his house look a little less like an Irish cottage But we all know the wax definition of a philanthropist a man whose charity increases directly as the square of the distance and so on All the rest is to show what sort of legislator a philanthropist is likely to make ended the rector throwing down the paper and clasping his hands at the back of his head while he looked at Mr. Broke with an air of amuse neutrality Oh come, that's rather good you know said Mr. Broke taking up the paper and trying to bear the attack as easily as his neighbour did but colouring and smiling rather nervously that about roaring himself red at rotten boroughs I never made a speech about rotten boroughs in my life and as to roaring myself red and that kind of thing these men never understand what is good satire satire you know should be true up to a certain point I recollect they said that in the Edinburgh somewhere it must be true up to a certain point Well, that is really hit about the gates said Sir James anxious to tread carefully Dagley complained to me the other day that he hadn't got a decent gate on his farm Garth has invented a new pattern of gate I wish you would try it One ought to use some or one's timber in that way You go in for fancy farming you know Chetum said Mr. Broke appearing to glance over the collions of the trumpet that's your hobby and you don't mind the expense I thought the most expensive hobby in the world was standing for Parliament said Mrs. Cadwalludder they said the last unsuccessful candidate at middle-march Miles wasn't his name spent ten thousand pounds and failed because he did not bribe enough what a bitter reflection for a man Somebody was saying said the rector laughingly that East Redford was nothing to middle-march for bribery Nothing of the kind said Mr. Broke the tourist bribe you know Hawley and his set bribe with treating hot codlings and that sort of thing and they bring the voters drunk to the pole but they are not going to have it their own way in future not in future you know middle-march is a little backward I admit the free men are a little backward but we shall educate them we shall bring them on you know the best people there are on our side Hawley says you have men on your side who will do your harm remarked Sir James he says bull store the bank will do your harm and that if you got pelted in the post Mrs. Cadwalladder half the rotten eggs would mean hatred of your committee man good heavens think what it must be to be pelted for wrong opinions and I seem to remember a story of a man they pretended to chair and let him fall into a dust heap on purpose pelting is nothing to their finding holes in one's coat said the rector I confess that's what I should be afraid of if we Parsons had to stand at the hustings for preferment I should be afraid of their reckoning up all my fishing days upon my word I think the truth is the hardest missile one can be pelted with the fact is said Sir James if a man goes into public life he must be prepared for the consequences he must make himself proof against Calumny oh my dear Chatham that is all very fine you know said Mr. Brooke but how will you make yourself proof against Calumny you should read history look at ostracists, persecution, martyrdom and that kind of thing they always happen to the best men you know but what is that in horrors fiat justicia ruat something or other exactly said Sir James with a little more heat than usual I mean by being proof against Calumny is being able to point to the fact as a contradiction and it is not martyrdom to pay bills that one has run into oneself said Mr. Cadwallodder but it was Sir James evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke well you know Chatham he said rising taking up his hat and leaning on his stick you and I have a different system you are all for outlay with your farms I don't want to make out that my system is good under all circumstances under all circumstances you know there ought to be a new valuation made from time to time said Sir James returns are very well occasionally but I like a fair valuation what do you say Cadwallodder I agree with you if I were Brooke I would choke the trumpet at once by getting Garther make a new valuation of the farms and give him in carte blanche about gates and repairs that's my view of the political situation said the rector broadening himself by sticking his thumbs in his armholes and laughing towards Mr. Brooke oh that's a showy sort of thing to do you know said Mr. Brooke but I should like you to tell me of another landlord who has distressed his tenants for areas as little as I have I let the old tenant stay on I'm uncommonly easy let me tell you uncommonly easy I have my own ideas and I take my stand on them you know a man who does that is always charged with eccentricity inconsistency and that kind of thing when I change my line of action I shall follow my own ideas after that Mr. Brooke remembered that there was a packet which he had omitted to send off from the Grange and he bade everybody hurriedly goodbye I didn't want to take a liberty with Brooke said Sir James I see he snettled but as to what he says about old tenants in point of fact no new tenant would take the farms on the present terms I have a notion that he will be brought round in time said the rector but you were pulling one way Eleanor and we were pulling another you wanted to frighten him away from expense and we want to frighten him into it better let him try to be popular and see that his character as a landlord stands in his way I don't think it signifies two straws about the pioneer or Ladislaw or Brooke's speechifying to the middle marches but it does signify about the parishioners excuse me it is you two who are on the wrong tack said Mrs. Cadwalludder you should have proved to him that he loses money by bad management and then we should all have pulled together if you put in me a horseback on politics I warn you of the consequences it was all very well to ride on sticks at home and call them ideas end of chapter 38 of middle march by George Elliot read by Lars Rolander this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org George Elliot middle march chapter 39 if as I have you also do virtue attired in womancy and I love that and say so too and forget the he and she and if this love though placed so from profane men you hide which will no faith on this bestow or if they do deride then you have done a braver thing than all the worth is did and a braver thence will spring which is to keep that hid D.R. Don so James Chatham's mind was not fruitful in devices but his growing anxiety to act on broke once brought close to his constant belief in Dorothea's capacity for influence became formative and issued in a little plan namely to plead Celia's in disposition as a reason for fetching Dorothea by herself to the hall and to leave her at the grange with a carriage on the way after making her fully aware of the situation concerning the management of the estate in this way it happened that one day near four o'clock when Mr. Brogan Ladislaw were seated in the library the door opened and Mrs. Caspan was announced well the moment before had been low in the depth of boredom and obliged to help Mr. Brogan in arranging documents about hanging sheep stealers was exemplifying the power our minds have of riding several horses at once by inwardly arranging measures towards getting a lodging for himself in middle-march and cutting short his constant residence at the grange while there flitted through all these steadier images a tickling vision of a sheep-stealing epic written with Homeric particularity when Mrs. Caspan was announced he started up as from an electric shock and felt a tingling at his finger ends anyone observing him would have seen a change in his complexion in the adjustment of his facial muscles in the vividness of his glance which might have made them imagine that every molecule in his body had passed the message of a magic touch and so it had for effective magic is transcendent nature and who shall measure the subtlety of those touches which convey the quality of soul as well as body and make a man's passion for one woman differ from his passion for another as joy in the morning light over valley and river and wind mount in top differs from joy among Chinese lanterns and glass panels well too was made of very impressible stuff the bow of a violin drawn near him cleverly would at one stroke change the aspect of the world for him and his point of view shifted as easily as his mood Dorothea's entrance was the freshness of morning oh well my dear this is pleasant now said Mr. Brooke meeting and kissing her you've left Caspan with his books I suppose so that's right we must not have you getting too learned for a woman you know there is no fear of that uncle said Dorothea turning to will and shaking hands with open cheerfulness while she made no other form of greeting but went on answering her uncle I'm very slow when I want to be busy with books I'm often playing true and among my thoughts I find it is not so easy to be learned as to plan cottages she seated herself beside her uncle opposite to will and was evidently preoccupied with something that made her almost unmindful of him he was ridiculously disappointed as if he had imagined that her coming had anything to do with him why yes my dear it was quite your hobby to draw plans but it was good to break that off a little hobbies are apt to run away with us you know it doesn't do to be run away with we must keep the reins I have never let myself be run away with I always pulled up that is what I tell Ladislaw he and I are alike you know he likes to go into everything we are working at capital punishment we shall do a great deal together Ladislaw and I yes, Dorothea with characteristic directness Sir James has been telling me that he's in hope of seeing a great change soon in your management of the estate that you are thinking of having the farms valued and repairs made and the cottages improved so that Tipton may look quite another place oh how happy she went on clasping her hands with a return to that more childlike impetuous manner which had been subdued since her marriage if I were at home still I should take to riding again that I might go about with you and see all that and you are going to engage Mr. Garth who praised my cottages Sir James says Chetum is a little hasty my dear said Mr. Brook colouring slightly a little hasty you know I never said I should do anything of the kind I never said I should not do it you know he only feels confident that you will do it Sir Dorothea in a voice as clean and unhesitating as that of a young chorister chanting a credo because you mean to enter parliament as a member who cares for the improvement of the people and one of the first things to be made better if it's the state of the land and the labourers think of Kid Downs uncle who lives with his wife and seven children in a house with one sitting room and one bedroom hardly larger than this table and those poor Douglas in their tumble down farmhouse where they live in the back kitchen and leave the other rooms to the rats that is one reason why I didn't not like the pictures here dear uncle which you think me stupid about I used to come from the village with all that dirt and coarse ugliness like a pain within me and the simpering pictures in the drawing room seem to me like a wicked attempt to find a light in what is false while we don't mind how hard the truth is for the neighbours outside our walls I think we have no right to come forward and urge wider changes for good until we have tried to alter the evils which lie under our own hands Dorothea had gathered emotion as she went on and had forgotten everything except the relief of pouring forth her feelings unchecked and experienced once habitual with her but hardly ever present since her marriage which had been a perpetual struggle of energy with fear for the moment Will's admiration was accompanied with a chilling sense of remoteness and a shamed of feeling that he cannot love a woman so well when he sees a certain greatness in her nature having intended greatness for men but nature has sometimes made a sad oversight in carrying out her intention as in the case of good Mr Brook whose masculine consciousness was at this moment in rather stammering condition under the eloquence of his knees he could not immediately find any other mode of expressing himself in his eyeglass and fingering the papers before him at last he said there is something in what you say my dear something in what you say but not everything eh ladyslaw you and I don't like our pictures and statues being fun fault with young ladies are a little ardent you know a little one sided my dear fine art poetry that kind of thing elevates a nation Emily T. Morris you understand a little Latin now but eh what these interrogatives were addressed to the footman who had come in to say that the keeper had found one of Dagly's boys with a leveret in his hand just killed I'll come, I'll come I shall let him off easily you know said Mr Brook aside to Dorothea shuffling away very cheerfully I hope you feel how right this change is why eh that Sir James wishes for said Dorothea to Will as soon as her uncle was gone I do now I have heard you speak about it I shall not forget what you have said but can you think of something else at this moment I may not have another opportunity of speaking to you about what has occurred said Will rising with a movement of impatience and holding the back of his chair with both hands pray tell me what it is said Dorothea anxiously also rising and going to the open window where Monk was looking in panting and wagging his tail she leaned her back against the window frame and laid her hand on the dog's head for though as we know she was not fond of pets that must be held in the hands of or trodden on she was always attentive to the feelings of dogs and very polite if she had to decline their advances Will followed her only with his eyes and said I presume you know that Mr. Caspon has forbidden me to go to his house no I did not Dorothea after a moment's pause she was evidently much moved I am very very sorry she added mournfully she was thinking of what Will had no knowledge of the conversation between her and her husband in the darkness and she was a new smitten with hopelessness that she would influence Mr. Caspon's action but the marked expression of her sorrow convinced Will that it was not all given to him personally and that Dorothea had not been visited by the idea that Mr. Caspon's dislike of jealousy of him turned upon herself he felt an odd mixture of delight and vexation of delight that he could dwell and be cherished in her thought as in a pure home without suspicion and without stint of vexation of course he was of too little account with her was not formidable enough was treated with an unhesitating benevolence which did not flatter him but his street of any change in Dorothea was stronger than his discontent and he began to speak again in a tone of mere explanation Mr. Caspon's reason is his displeasure at my taking a possession here which he considers unsuited to my rank as his cousin I have told him that I cannot give way on this point it is a little too hard on me to expect that my course in life is to be hampered by prejudices which I think ridiculous obligation may be stretched till it's no better than a brand of slavery stamped on us when we were too young to know its meaning I would not have accepted the position if I had not meant to make it useful and honorable I'm not bound to regard family dignity in any other light Dorothea felt wretched she thought her husbands all together in the wrong on more grounds than will had mentioned it is better for us not to speak on the subject she said with a tremulous nest not common in her voice since you and Mr. Caspon disagree you intend to remain she was looking out on the lawn with melancholy meditation but I shall hardly ever see you now said will in a tone of almost boyish complaint no said Dorothea turning her eyes full upon him hardly ever but I shall hear of you I shall know what you are doing for my uncle I shall know hardly anything about you said will no one will tell me anything oh my life is very simple said Dorothea her lips curling with an exquisite smile which irradiated her melancholy I'm always at low wick that is dreadful imprisonment said will impetuously no don't think that said Dorothea I have no longings he did not speak but she replied to some change in his expression I mean for myself except that I should like not to have so much more than my share without doing anything for others but I have a belief on my own and it comforts me what is that said will rather jealous of the belief that by desiring what is perfectly good even when we don't quite know what it is and cannot do what we would we are part of the divine power against evil widening the skirts of light and making the struggle with darkness narrower that is beautiful mysticism it say please not to call it by any name said Dorothea putting out her hands entreatingly you will say it's Persian or something else geographical it is my life I have found it out and cannot part with it I have always been finding out my religion since I was a little girl I used to pray so much now I hardly ever pray I try not to have desires merely for myself because they may not be good for others and I have too much already I only told you that you might know quite well how my days go at low wick God bless you for telling me said will ardently and rather wondering at himself they were looking at each other like two fond children who were talking confidentially of birds what is your religion said Dorothea I mean not what you know about religion but the belief that helps you most to love what is good and beautiful when I see it said will but I'm a rebel I don't feel bound as you do to submit to what I don't like but if you like what is good that comes to the same thing said Dorothea smiling now you are subtle said will yes Mr. Casper often says I'm too subtle I don't feel as if I were subtle said Dorothea playfully but how long my uncle is I must go and look for him I must really go on to the whole Celia is expecting me will offer to tell Mr. Brook came and said that he would step into the carriage and go with Dorothea as far as Staglis to speak about the small delinquent who had been caught with a leveret Dorothea renewed the subject of the estate as they drew along but Mr. Brook not being taken unawares got the talk under his own control Chetam now he replied he finds fault with me my dear but I should not preserve my game if it were not for Chetam he can't say that that expense is for the sake of the tenants you know it's a little against my feeling poaching now if you come to look into it I have often thought of getting up the subject not long ago Flavol the Methodist preacher was brought up for knocking down a hare that came across his path when he and his wife were walking out together he was pretty quick and knocked it on the neck oh that's very brutal I think said Dorothea well now the black to me I confess in a Methodist preacher you know and Johnson said you may judge what a hypocrite is and upon my word I thought Flavol looked very little like the highest style of man as somebody calls the Christian Jung the poor Jung I think you know Jung oh well now Flavol in his shabby black gaiters pleading that he thought the Lord had sent him and his wife a good dinner and he had the right to knock it down though not a mighty hunter before the Lord as Nimrod was I assure you it was rather comic feeling would have made something of it or Scott now Scott might have worked it up but really when I came to think of it I couldn't help liking that the fellow should have a bit of hair to say grace over it's all a matter of prejudice prejudice with the law on its side you know about the stick gaiters and so on however it doesn't do to reason about things and law is law but I got Johnson to be quiet and I hushed the matter up I doubt whether Chetum would not have been more severe and yet he comes down on me as if I were the hardest man in the country oh but here we are at the daglice Mr. Brooke got down at the farmyard gate and the Rothea drew on it is wonderful how much more clear things will look when we only suspect that we are blamed for them even our own persons in the glass are apt to change their aspect for us after we have heard some frank remark on their less admirable points and on the other hand it's astonishing how pleasantly conscience takes our encroachments on those who never complain or have nobody to complain for them Daglice Homestead never before looked so dismal to Mr. Brooke as it did today with his mind thus sore about the fault finding of the trumpet echoed by Sir James it is true that an observer under that softening influence of the fine arch which makes other people's hardships picturesque might have been delighted with this homestead called Freeman's End the old house had dormer windows in the dark red roof two of the chimneys were choked with ivy the large porch was blocked up with bundles of sticks and half the windows were closed with grey worm-eaten shutters about which the chasmin bows grew in wide luxurance the mouldering garden wall with hollyhock's peeping over it was a perfect study of highly mingled subdued colour and there was an aged goat kept outlifts on interesting superstitious grounds lying against the open back kitchen door the mossy thatch of the cow shed the broken grey barn door the pauper labours in ragged breeches who had nearly finished unloading a wagon of corn into the barn ready for early thrashing the scanty dairy of cows being tethered for milking and leaving one half of the shed in brown emptiness the very pigs and white ducks seeming to wonder about the uneven neglected yard as if in low spirits from feeling on a two meager quality of rinsings all these objects under the quiet light of a sky marbled with high clouds would have made a sort of picture which we have all paused over as a charming bit touching other sensibilities than those which are stirred by the depression of the agriculture interest with the sad lack of farming capital as seen constantly in the newspapers of that time but these troublesome associations were just now strongly present to Mr. Bru and spoiled the scene for him Mr. Dagley himself made a figure in the landscape carrying a pitchfork and wearing his milking hat a very old beaver flattened in front his coat and breeches were the best he had and he would not have been wearing them on this weekday occasion if he had not been to market and returned later than usual having given himself the rare treat of dining at the public table or he came to fall into this extravagance would perhaps be a matter of wonderment to himself on the morrow but before dinner something in the state of the country a slight pause in the harvest before the far dips were cut the stories about the new king and the numerous hand-builds on the walls had seemed to warrant a little recklessness it was a maxim about middle-march and regarded as self-evident that good meat should have good drink and good quality interpreted as plenty of table ale well followed up by rum and water these liquors have so far truth in them that they were not false enough to make poor Dagley seem merry they only made his discontent less tongue-tied than usual he had also taken too much in the shape of muddy political talk a stimulant dangerously disturbing to his farming conservatism which considered in holding that whatever is is bad any change is likely to be worse he was flushed and his eyes had a decidedly quarrelsome stare as he stood still grasping his pitchfork while the landlord approached with his easy shuffling walk one hand in his trouser pocket and the other swing around a thin walking stick Dagley, my good fellow began Mr. Brook conscious that he was going to be very friendly about the boy I am a good fellow I thank ye sir thank ye with a loud snarling irony which made Fagg the sheepdog stir from his seat and prick his ears but seeing Monk enter the yard after some outside loitering Fagg seated himself again in an attitude of observation I am glad to hear I am a good fellow Mr. Brook reflected that he was market day and that his worthy tenant had probably been dining but so no reason why he should not go on since he could take the precaution of repeating what he had to say to Mrs. Dagley your little lad Jacob has been caught killing a leverage Dagley I have told Johnson to locking up in the empty stable an hour or two just to frighten him you know but he will be brought home by and by before night and you will just look after him will you and give him a reprimand you know no I won't I'll be dead if I leather my boy to please you or anybody else not if you were 20 landlords you stayed a one and that a bad one Dagley's words were loud enough to summon his wife to the back kitchen door the only entrance ever used and one always open except in bad weather and Mr. Brook saying soothingly oh well well I'll speak to your wife I didn't mean beating you know turn to walk to the house but Dagley only more inclined to have his say with a gentleman who walked away from him followed once with fags louching at his heels and suddenly wading some small and probably charitable advances on the part of Monk how do you do Mrs. Dagley said Mr. Brook making some haste I came to tell you about your boy I don't want you to give him the stick you know he was careful to speak quite plainly this time overworked Mrs. Dagley a thin worn woman from whose life pleasure had so entirely vanished that she had not even any Sunday clothes which could give her satisfaction in preparing for church had already had a misunderstanding with her husband since he had come home and was low in spirits expecting the worst but her husband was beforehand in answering no nor he won't have the stick whether you want it or no pursuits Dagley throwing out his voice as if he wanted it to hit hard you've got no call to come and talk about sticks under these premises as you won't give a stick toward mending go to middle march to ask for your character you'd far better hold your tongue Dagley said the wife and not kick your own dro over when a man as his father of a family has been and spent money at market and made himself the worst for liquor he'd done enough mischief for one day but I should like to know what my boys done sir never do you mind what he's done said Dagley more fiercely it's my business to speak and not your own speak to I'll let me say supper or no and what I say is I've lived to pour your ground from me father and grandfather for me and have dropped our money to tell me and my children might learn rot on the ground for top dressing as we can't find the money to buy if the king wasn't to put a stop my good fellow you're drunk you know said mr broke confidentially but not judiciously another day another day he added turning as if to go but Dagley immediately fronted him and fag at his heels growled slow as his master's voice grew louder and more insulting while monk also drew close in silent dignified watch the labors on the wagon were pausing to listen and it seemed wiser to be quite passive than to attempt a ridiculous flight pursued by a bawling man I'm no more drunk nor you are nor so much so Dagley I can carry me liquor and I know what I mean and I mean as the king or I'll put a stop to it for them say as as know it as there's to be a ren form and them landlords has never done the right thing by their tenants I'll be treated that are why as they'll have to scuttle off and there's them email mark knows what the ren form is and as knows who'll have to scuttle says they I know who your landlord is and says I I hope you're the better for knowing him I aren't says they he's a close fisted one I I says I he's a man for the ren form says they that's what they says and I made out what the ren form were and it were to send you and your likes a scuttle in and a wee pretty strong smelling things too and you may do as you like now for I'm none a fair do you and you'd better let me boy al shlone and look to your scene if for the ren form has got up on your back that's what I got to say concluded Mr. Dagley striking his fork into the ground with a firmness which proved at this last action Monk began to bark loudly and it was a moment for Mr. Brook to escape he walked out of the yard as quickly as he could in some amazement at the novelty of his situation he had never been insulted on his own land before and had been inclined to regard himself as a general favorite we are all apt to do so when we think of our own a mere ability more than of what other people are likely to want of us when he had quarrelled with Caleb Garth 12 years before he had thought that the tenants would be pleased at the landlords taking everything into his own hands some who follow the narrative of his experience may wonder at the midnight darkness of Mr. Dagley but nothing was easier in those times than for an hereditary farmer of his grade to be ignorant in spite of somehow of having a rector in the twin parish who was a gentleman to the backbone a curate nearer at hand who preached more learnedly than the rector a landlord who had gone into everything especially fine art and social improvement and all the lights of Middlemarch only three miles off as to the facility with which mortals escaped knowledge try an average acquaintance in the intellectual place of London and consider what that eligible person for a dinner party would have been if he had learned scant skill in summing from the parish clerk of Tipton and read a chapter in the Bible with immense difficulty because such names as Isiah or Apollos remained unmanageable after twice spelling poor Dagley read a few verses sometimes on a Sunday evening and the world was at least not darker to him than it had been before some things he knew thoroughly namely the slovenly habits of farming and the awkwardness of weather stock and crops at Freeman's end so called apparently by way of sarcasm to imply that a man was free to quit if he choose but that there were snow earthly beyond open to him end of chapter 39 of George Elliot's Middlemarch Read by Lars Rolander


Carl Jung was not just a psychologist and psychiatrist, in many ways he was a mystic and a philosopher. Jung is quoted as having said many wise things, but I thought in this video on your healing journey, I thought I would share a very profound quote that I think is very necessary. Hey guys, I'm Dr. Alex Hein, author of the health book Master the Day, Doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine. Now before we jump into this video, there are two very important links right below the video. The first is if you'd like to become a patient of mine locally in Los Angeles, or virtually via telemedicine, you can reach out to my private practice right below this video. And the second is for a free download, which is for daily rituals that can help you add years to your life with Chinese medicine. So those are right below the video. Let's start off this video with a quote from Jung when he said, no tree it is said can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell. Now something that I see is very common in people's healing journeys is that there is this sort of a descent into hell that is necessary. It sounds weird right? If I'm going this healing journey then theoretically shouldn't I take a medicine and get better? What I find is that very similar to many traditional cultures, the shaman, the traditional let's say physician meets alchemist meets mystic meets proxy of the gods or the spirits. This kind of traditional person, this traditional role was often viewed as someone who struggled with illness in their previous life. So there are all kinds of terms, these archetypes for example of the wounded healer or of shaman sickness that many traditional shamans are said to have become so ill that they were near death or had skirted death and that is a piece of even what gave them their healing powers. But for many modern people there is this sort of low grade malaise that ranges all the way to something life-threatening like cancer. And I want to say in this video for many people that for chronic illness it is not just there to make you suffer. For many of my patients they describe the chronic illness as the awakening as the beginning. And this is more true with the more severe illness more than anything else like for example cancer. You often hear from people that it was a pivotal moment or a pivotal change in the way that they had to live. One day a few years ago I was seeing one of my mentors and I was at his clinic and I was saying you know I'm feeling particularly discouraged because this was in the middle of my healing journey and I felt like I'd gotten really better and then I'd gotten worse again and better again and worse again and I was in one of those phases where I hadn't been sleeping well, I was having pretty severe insomnia and I felt like I'd gotten so much better that I'd seen the light in the tunnel but now I had taken so many steps backward that I was feeling worse than bad. I was feeling like maybe I'm always gonna be this way, maybe things will never change, maybe they can't be fixed and this mentor of mine was known for being the sage-like guru. Didn't speak often, only said what he knew and he said you know maybe Alex the universe is trying to help you become a good physician. You know in that sort of short-circuited my pity party I was having that day but it brought up many other lessons for me that informed the way I practice now as Dr. Alex.  I saw many doctors, many GI specialists, I thought they were all good people and kind and trying their best but none were very helpful clinically in terms of the raw patient outcome for me. I didn't feel better. A lot seemed very certain about their diagnosis but I didn't get any better and some had recommended even surgery or even antidepressants to treat my gut function which I was completely against. So I know what it's like to see an exhaust every option. I know what it's like to see the specialist and think really you went to Harvard, you're an Ivy League trained GI specialist with a fellowship and all this residency and all this extra training and your best tool is to give me emodium for diarrhea or docolax for constipation like really that this is the pinnacle of medicine you went to Harvard you're this great specialist world-renowned and emodium that's your treatment for my GI problem. It almost seemed a bit funny not to be disrespectful it seemed funny honestly it was comical and then I know what it was like to have well those are the most credible people the traditional medical authorities right they have these white coats and Ivy League trained education so I know what it's like to learn to distrust the main authorities that are supposed to help you. I know what it's like to go all over the world to try everything alternative herbs supplements Ayurveda Chinese medicine folk medicine wacky people energy healing whatever I just wanted to feel better and all of these have informed the way I practice and the way I treat my patients and interact with people that I see every day so the problem is when you are in that descent into hell as you are having your roots descend into hell you don't feel like it's gonna help you you can't see the silver lining do you think someone who's dying of cancer can think oh this if I make it through this there's gonna be some great benefit that's gonna make me a better person live a better life no they just want to live and they don't feel well right but this is often necessary for the awakening. Now just my opinion I think that your suffering is always there to help you. I know evolutionarily the point of symptoms is not because your body wants you to be ill someone who's sick doesn't want to reproduce something who's sick cannot provide for their family someone who's sick cannot go to a job someone who's sick cannot keep surviving illness in many ways is antithetical to life right so why would your body provide you with these symptoms I love this idea of solutagenesis that the body gives symptoms because they are the breadcrumbs trying to show you what needs changing I don't think the fix for anxiety and depression is antidepressants I think the fix is to understand this discomfort at mile levels or this disabling suffering this illness is not there to make you ill it's there to show you that something has gone wrong and that we need to rectify that and maybe it's our own actions maybe it's some kind of medication maybe it's both but it's supposed to push you on that quest for answers it is supposed to push you on the quest for healing that is the point your body has these receptors and nerves so that when you put your finger on the stove it says stop doing that dummy so that you don't burn off your fingertip or permanently damage it but because we have sensation we touch the hot thing when we stop that's protecting you your symptoms are protecting you but if you don't you'll mess that then it's gonna be a long and painful road it's just gonna look like the descent into hell don't forget this quote that no tree it is said can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell by you and always try to see the silver lining in this healing journey because it will help you and make you a better person on the other side of this suffering and this pain alright guys it's what I have for you today don't forget to check out those two links right below this video and there's other related videos for you on this topic right here