Book 4, Chapter 11 of the Heavenly Twins. This is a labor box recording. All labor box recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit laborbox.org. The Heavenly Twins by Sarah Grand, Book 4, Chapter 11. How long the tenor's dream would have remained unbroken by action it is hard to say. His want of personal ambition, his perfect serenity of mind, and his thankfulness for a state of things so much more blissful than anything he had ever expected to fall to his lot again. The languid summer weather, and his affectionate anxiety for the boy, all combined to keep him in mourning quest, and to keep his indefinite plans for the future still in abeyance. Other people, however, were not so apathetic. The Dean's friendly remonstrances had been redoubled of late.  All this kindly interest in his future career was not without its effect upon him, and if it did not actually rouse him to act, it put him in the mood to be aroused. He was sitting alone one evening in his accustomed seat beside the fireplace, or rather beside the bank of ferns and flowering plants, which he had arranged before the fireplace so as to hide it. At the instigation of the boy, a shaded lamp stood on a table behind him, throwing its softened light from over his shoulder onto the big book which lay open on his knee. But he was not reading. He had placed his hands upon the book, and was resting his head on the back of the chair. His yellow hair seemed to shine out of the surrounding gloom with a light of its own, but his face was in shadow. The window at the further end of the room behind him was shut, and the creepers outside brushed gently against it, tapping now and then, and keeping up a continual soft rustle and murmur of leaves, like friendly voices soothing insensibly. The other window was open as usual, and as he sat now he could see the old cathedral opposite towering above him. It was a bright moonlight night, the shadows were strong, and the details of the faquade, flying buttress, gargoyle, and cornice with a glimpse of the aspen spire were all distinct, but as the tenor thoughtfully perused them, the whole fabric suddenly disappeared from view, blotted out by an opaque body round, which the moonlight showed, like a rim of silver, tracing in outline the slender figure of the boy. The tenor had forgotten him for once, and was startled from his reverie by the unexpected apparition, but he did not alter his position or make any sign. The boy preferred to come and go like that, ungraded and unquestioned, and the tenor, of course, humored this armly peculiarity with the rest. The boy, son, turned in now in a casual way, arranged his hair at a mirror, threw himself into an armchair, lent back, crossed his legs, folded both hands on his hat, which lie held on his knee, and looked at the tenor lazily in the little pause that followed. The tenor glanced at his book again, and then he closed it. This refiled, the boy said suddenly, leaning forward to look at the book, as if to make sure, and speaking in an awestruck voice, is that the Bible you were reading? Any evidence of the tenor's simple piety, which was neither concealed nor displayed, because it was in no way affected but quite natural to him, and he was, therefore, unconscious of it, had a peculiar effect upon the boy. It seemed to shock him, but whether it made him feel ashamed or not, it is impossible to say. Sometimes, the first effect over, he would remain thoughtful, as if subdued by it, but at others it appeared to have irritated him, and make him aggressively cynical. Tonight he was all subdued. You believe it, Israfael, don't you? He said, he watching is a fact for you. The tenor did not answer, except by folding his hands upon his book again, and looking at the boy. Now, I don't believe a word of it, the latter pursued, but it makes me feel. I have my moments. The Bible is a wonderful book. I open it sometimes, and read it haphazard. I did last night, and came upon, oh, Israfael, the grand simplicity of it all, the wonderful solemn earnestness. It brought me to my knees, and made me hold up my hands, but I could not pray. I heard the chime, though, that night. It sounded insistent. It seemed to assert itself in a new way. It was as if it spoke to me alone, and I felt a strange sense of something pending, something for which I shall have to answer. He watching? Yes, I feel all that, but dejectedly. One feels so much more than one knows, and when I want to know, I am never satisfied. Trying to find the little we know amongst the lot that we feel is a veritable search for mignanet seeds in sand. The tenor continued silent and thoughtful for a time. But do you never pray, dear boy? he said at last. The boy shook his hand. Did you never? Oh, yes, more cheerfully. I used to believe in all the bogies at one time. I am afraid you have been brought under some bad influence. Then tell me, who was it? Angelica, said the boy. Oh, boy, your sister. Ah, you don't know that young lady. The boy rejoined with his cynical chuckle. She is very fascinating. I allow. But always, in conversation, the serpent hisses where the sweet bird sings. The tenor toyed with the cover of his book and was silent. After a time the boy spoke diffidently. But do you pray, Esrafial? he asked. Yes, the tenor answered. I try to make prayer the attitude of my mind always. I mean I try to be and to do, and to think nothing that I could not make a subject of prayer at any time. But I do not think that a direct petition is the only or best way to pray. It seems to me that it is in a certain attitude of mind we find the highest form of prayer, a reverential attitude toward all things, good and beautiful, by which we attain to an inexpressible tenderness, that enemy of evil emotions, and also to rest in peace and a great deep solemn joy which is permanent. I don't think I ever knew a man before who prayed regularly, the boy observed thoughtfully, rising as he spoke, and standing with his hat on, except the clergy, I suppose. But then that is their profession, and so one thinks nothing of it. But I wonder if many men of the world pray. I suppose they have to give up everything that makes life pleasant before they can conscientiously begin. Far from it, said the tenor, smiling, but you are going early. Aren't you hungry? The boy grinned as if the insinuation were flattering. No, I am not hungry, he answered. I dined at home tonight for a wonder, and when I do that I don't generally want any more for some time. My home I mean at my grandad's, where they always have seven or eight courses, and I can't resist any of them. I lose myself respect, but satisfy my voracity, which has the effect of improving the greediness out of my mind. But I am in a hurry this evening, and I have already outstayed my time. I only came in for a moment to ask you if you are to sing tomorrow. The tenor nodded. In that case I am too big for wafter, angels, angelic adventures to make the request. Good night. The words were scarcely spoken, and his flying footsteps were still audible as he ran lightly up the close when the cathedral clock began to strike. There was only one emphatic throb of the iron tongue, followed by a long reverberation, and then came the chime. The tenor, who had risen, stood listening, with upturned face, until the end, but the chime failed of its effect for once. There was something weary and enigmatic in the old worn strain, hitherto. It had always been a comfort and an assurance to him. But tonight, for the first time, it was fraught with some portentous meaning. Was there any cause for alarm in what was happening, any reason for fear, that should make it merciful to prepare him with misgivings? It was no new thing for the tenor to be asked to sing something special, and he tried to think such a request, although it came from Angelica, if indeed it came from her, and was not a fabrication of the boys, was a whim as trifling as the rest. But even if it were, trifles, as all the world knows, are not to be despised. Someone has said already that they made up the sum of life, and it may also be observed that the hand of death is weighted by them. End of Book 4, Chapter 11 Book 4, Chapter 12 of the Heavenly Twins. This is a Libra Fox recording. All Libra Fox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibraVox.org. The Heavenly Twins by Sarah Grand. Book 4, Chapter 12. The tenor happened to be entering the cathedral next day for the afternoon service just as Angelica was being handed from a carriage by a singular-looking man who wore pince niz, was clean shaven, and had an immense head of hair. Angelica very evidently called the attention of this gentle man to the tenor as he passed, and the latter heard the ock of satisfaction to which the stranger gave utterance when he had adjusted his pince niz with undisguised interest, and taken the tenor in. The latter felt that he had seen the man before. And while he was putting on his surplus, he remembered who he was. An impresario, well-known by sight to regular opera-goers and musicians generally. Having established his identity, the reason of his presence there that afternoon was at once apparent. The tenor had been requested to sing a solo which was admirably calculated to display the range and flexibility of his voice to the best advantage, and the impresario had been brought to hear him. The mountain had come to Mohamed. The tenor never sang better than upon that occasion, and he had scarcely reached his cottage after the service was over. When the impresario burst in upon him, having, in his eagerness, omitted the ceremony of knocking, he seized the tenor's hand, exclaiming in broken English, Oh, my terrible friend, you are an ideal. Then he flung his hat on the floor, and curvited about the room, alternately rubbing his hands and running his fingers upward through his luxuriant hair till it stood on end all over his head. And have I found you? He cried sentimentally, apostrophizing the ceiling. Oh, have I found you? What a low-and-grinned ock got. It is the prince himself, Boat. And he stopped, prancing in order to point his long forefinger at the tenor's chest. Boat, you are an actor born, my friend. You was the prince of devotion himself, you snow. You do that part as if you feel him, too. Why? Jerking his head towards the cathedral with a gesture which signified that if he had not seen the thing himself, he never would have believed it. Why? You lose yourself and there completely. Then he asked the tenor to sing again, which the tenor did. Being careful, however. Not to give his excitable visitor too much less the intoxicating draft should bring on a fit. The music mad won had come to make the tenor golden offers, and he did not leave him now until the tenor had agreed to accept them. The dean came in by chance in time to witness the conclusion of the bargain, adding to his congratulations and good wishes to the tenor's own belief that such an opportunity was not to be lost. The drawings the tenor had been doing for the dean were all but finished now, and it was arranged that the tenor should enter upon his new engagement in one month's time. When he found himself alone at last and could think the matter over, he was thoroughly content with what he had done. There could be no doubt now as to whose wish it was that he should go and make a name for himself. And he felt sure that the step he was about to take would not lead to the separation he dreaded, but rather to the union for which he might at last without presumption. After such encouragement, venture to hope. End of book 4 chapter 12 Exclaiming in guttural accents, Then he threw his hat on the floor and began to prance up and down, waving his hands ecstatically. The tenor picked up a cushion and threw it at him. You wretched boy, he said, laughing. Who told you he did that? Oh, my dear Israel! the boy replied. Why on earth do you ask who told me? You must know by this time, and if you don't you should, that genius does not require to be told. Given the man and the circumstances, and we'll tell you exactly what he'll do, don't you know? And the boy showed his teeth. But the tenor was not convinced. Knowing your patience and zeal when engaged in the pursuit of knowledge—I think that was the euphemism you employed the last time you had to apologize for the unscrupulous indulgence of your boundless curiosity—the tenor, standing with his back to the boy, observed with easy deliberation, as he filled and lighted a pipe. I have little doubt that you assisted at the interview from some safe coin of vantage, to borrow another of your pet expressions—perhaps from the closet under the stairs there. Or from behind the sofa, the boy suggested, with that enigmatic grin of his which the tenor disliked, perhaps because it was enigmatic. Like my new suit, Israel, he demanded in exactly the same tone. He had on a spotless flannel boating suit, with a silk handkerchief of many colors, knotted picturesquely round his neck. It's too new, said the tenor. It looks as if you'd got up for private theatricals and taken great care of it. The boy laughed, and then, assuming another character, he began to remonstrate with himself playfully in the tenor's voice. Boy, will you never be more manly. And don't mock, boy. And, boy, you have no soul.  Then he did a love scene between the tenor and Angelica. The tenor tried to stop this last performance, but he only made matters worse. For the boy argued the question out in Angelica's voice, taking the part of Dear Claude. He still insisted that his name was Claude. And, ending with Dear Israfil, we are so happy ourselves, I think Claude should have a little latitude to-night. He studies so hard, poor boy, he deserves some indulgence. When this amusement ceased to divert him, he announced his intention of going on the stage, of not going home till morning, and of being rowed down the river in the meantime. But where will you get a boat at this time of night, the tenor objected? You're not a man of much imagination, said the boy, or you wouldn't have asked such a question. How do you suppose I come every night, after all the world is barred and bolted out of your sacred clothes, and the alternative lies between the porter at the postern, whom you know I shun, and the water-gate? Do you mean to say you row yourself down the river every time you come? I do, said the boy complacently. I didn't think you could, was the tenor's naive ejaculation. The boy was delighted. It never struck you, I suppose, he chuckled, that my fragile appearance might be delusive. Haven't you noticed I never tire? Yes, said the tenor. But I thought that you probably paid for these nights of dissipation by days of langer. The boy laughed again. Don't know the sensation, he declared. Days of laziness would be nearer the mark. I have plenty of them. It was a lovely night, all pervaded by the fragrance of the flowers in the gardens round about the clothes. They sauntered out, turning to the left from the tenor's cottage, the cathedral being on their right, the cloisters in front. The boy walked up to the ladder, and peeped in. Come here, dear Izrafil, he said obligingly, and I will show you the beauties of the place. These are the cloisters, and as you see they form a hollow square, nearly two hundred feet long and twelve feet wide. Yon, slowly rising moon, shows the bare quadrangle in the center, and the tracery of the windows opposite. But the exquisite grinding of the roof, and the quaintly sculptured bosses are still hidden in deep darkness. The light, however, brightens in the northeast corner, and— If you weren't in such a—Hurry, Izrafil! The tenor had walked on, but the boy stayed where he was, and now began to improve the occasion at the top of his voice. The tenor returned hurriedly. For heaven's sake, hold your tongue, he expostulated. You'll wake the whole close. I was calling your attention to the details of the architecture. The boy rejoined politely, and as usual, for the sake of peace and quietness, the unfortunate tenor was obliged to hear him out. When he stopped, the tenor exclaimed, Thank heaven, devoutly. Then added, No fear for your exams, boy, if you can cram like that. But I did not know you were a cultivated archaeologist. Nor am I, said the boy with a shiver.  It is horrid to remember that that arch yonder was built in the time of William the Conqueror. I never look at it without feeling the oppression of the ages come upon me. And when I get into this bigoted close, and think of the heathenish way the people live in it, shutting themselves in from the rest of the citizens with un-Christian ideas of their own superiority, I am confirmed in my unbelief. I feel if there were any truth in that religion, those who profess it would have begun to practice its precepts by this time. They would not be content to teach it forever without trying it themselves. And oh, shaking his fist at the cathedral, I loathe the deeds of darkness that are done there in the name of the Lord. What unhappy experience are you alluding to, boy? said the tenor, concerned. I was thinking of Edith. Poor Edith Beale, the boy replied. But don't ask me to tell you that story if you have not heard it. It makes my blood boil with indignation. I have heard it, the tenor answered sadly. But boy, dear, every honest man deplores such circumstances as much as you do. Then why do they occur? the boy asked hotly. If the honest men were in earnest, such blaggardism would not go unpunished. But don't let us talk about it. They went through the arm of the close in the centre of which the lime trees grew, round a grassy space and closed from the road by a light iron railing. This is grateful, the boy exclaimed, as they passed under the old trees, lingering a while to listen to the rustle and murmur of the leaves. Then they emerged once more into the moonlight and took their way down the little lane that led to the Watergate. Here they found an elegant cockle shell of a boat tied up. A most ladylike craft, said the tenor. Al Steer, said the boy, fixing the rudder, and then arranging the cushions for himself while the tenor meekly took the oars. With one strong stroke he brought the boat into midstream, then headed her down the river toward the sea, and settled to his oars with a long, steady pull that roused the admiration of the boy. You row like a varsity man, he said. So I should, was the laconic rejoinder. Are you a varsity man? I am. Oxford, then, I'll bet. And did you take your degree? The tenor nodded.  Were you expelled? The tenor shook his head. Did you do anything disgraceful? The tenor again made a sign of negation. Then why on earth did you come and bury yourself alive in morning quest? That I might have the pleasure of rowing you down the river by moonlight, apparently, the tenor answered, but without a smile. I'd give my ears to know, the boy ejaculated. I quite believe you would, said the tenor, pausing to speak, after which he bent to his oars with a will, and the banks became a moving panorama to their vision as they passed. Now they swept under a light iron bridge that crossed the river with one bold span, and connected a busy thoroughfare of the city with a pleasant shady suburb beyond. Then they wound round a curve, and on their left was a broad towing-path, and beautiful old trees, and a high paling made of sleeper shutting out the view. While on the right, those crowded dwellings of the poor which add so much to a picture, especially by moonlight, and so little to the loveliness of life, rose from the water's edge and straggled up the rising ground, tumbling over each other in every sort of picturesque irregularity. Ahead of them, the river was landlocked by a wooded hill, and also facing them was an old round tower on the towing-path, above which the round moon shone in an empty indigo sky.  Who does it make you think of? Old Crome, the tenor answered, looking over his shoulder. It is perfect. The river was quite narrow here, and on either side were long lines of pleasure boats moored to the bank, and an occasional flat tied up for the night, with its big, brown sails, looking like webbed wings hoisted to dry. Further on they met a barge coming up the river, and the boy wished the man who was steering a polite good night, and hoped he'd have a pleasant passage and no bad weather. To which piece of facetiousness the bargy replied good humoredly, having mistaken the boy's contralto for a woman's voice, an error of judgment at which the latter affected to rage, much to the amusement of the tenor. But they were out of the city by this time. On their right was a gentleman's park, well wooded, and sloping up from the river to a gentle eminence crowned by a crest of trees. On their left, across some fields, the villas of that pleasant suburb before mentioned, studded the rising ground, appearing also among old trees, beneath which they and their quiet gardens nestled peacefully. There were trees everywhere, beach and labyrinum and larch, horse-chestnut and lime and poplar, as far as the eye could reach, and the latter, standing straight up in the bearer spots, were a notable feature in the landscape, as were also the alder cars, and occasional osier beds dotted about in marshy places. The pleasant suburbs draggled out to an ancient village, past which a reach of the river wound, but the boy kept the boat to the mainstream. They could see the village street, however, with the quaint church on the level, and light warm airs brought them odors of roses and minnet from the gardens. It had been a long pull for a hot night, and the tenor shipped his oars here, and threw himself back in the bow to rest. He lay looking up at the sky while they drifted back little by little with the tide. The balmy air, the lop-lop of the water against the boat, the rock and sway and sense of dreamy movement, and ever an anon the nightingales, made a time of soft excitement such as the boy loved. Oh, Israfil! he burst out. Isn't it delicious just to be alive? He was lolling in the stern with his hat off, his legs stretched out before him, and a tiller roped in each hand, the image of indolent ease. Yes, this is perfect, he added. It is paradise. Not for you, I should think, said the tenor, without an eave. Now there you mistake me, the boy replied. If there be one thing I deprecate more than another, it is the impertinent intrusion of sex into everything. You surprise me, the tenor answered idly. When I first had the pleasure of meeting you, love was a favorite topic of yours. Ah, at that time, yes, said the boy. You see, I was merely pandering then to what I supposed to be your taste, in order to ingratiate myself with you. But you may have noticed that, since I knew you better, I have allowed the subject to drop. Except, of course, when I wanted to draw you. That is true, said the tenor, upon reflection.  Sensuous, yes. Not sensual, said the boy. I take my pleasures daintily, and this scene satisfies me heart and soul. Balmy air, moonlight with its myriad associations, a murmurous multitude of sounds like sighs all soothing. The silent drift and gentle rocking of the boat, and the calm human fellowship, the brotherly love, undisturbed by a single violent emotion, which is the perfection of social intercourse to me. I say the scene is hallowed, and I'll have no sex in my paradise. The last words were uttered irritably, and he sat up as he spoke, thrust his hands into his pockets, and frowned at the silvery surface of the river. Love, he ejaculated, wrought, it is not love they mean, but don't let us desecrate a night like this with any idea that lowers us to the level of a beastly French novel reeking with sensuality. Ah, man, with all my heart, said the tenor lazily. But don't introduce the disturbing element of violence, either, dear boy. Your sentiments may be refined, but the same cannot be said for the expressions in which you clothe them. In fact, to describe the letter, I don't think course would be too strong a word.  But now shut up, I want to think. You don't, you want to feel, said the tenor. The boy threw his cap at him. Then they resettled themselves, lulling luxuriously, the one in the boughs, the other in the stern. And the tenor's soul was uplifted, as was the case with him in every pause of life, to the heaven of heavens which only could contain it. While the boys roamed away to realms of poetry where it reveled amid blossoming rhymes, or rested satisfied on full-blown verses, some of which he presently began to chant to himself monotonously. I like that, he broke off at last. There is quite an idea in it. Well worked out, too, don't you think? What is the thing, the tenor asked? Who wrote it? I wrote it myself, said the boy. The tenor roused himself, and got out the oars, but sat resting on them with a faraway look in his dreamy eyes. He was bare-headed, and the moon played on his yellow hair making it shine. A detail which did not escape the boy, whose pleasure in the tenor's beauty never tired. I didn't know you were a poet, as well as a musician, the latter said at last. Ah, you have much to learn, the boy answered complacently, then added, I am extremely versatile. Jack of all trades, said the tenor.  Well, I hope that is not the best specimen of your powers in that line, the tenor dryly pursued. By no means was the candid rejoinder, but the most appropriate, seeing that I just made it for the occasion, which is not a great occasion, don't you know? I've heard something very like it before, said the tenor. Yes, said the boy with a gratified smile. That is the beauty of it. There is no new-fangled nonsense about me. My verses always tremble with agreeable reminiscences. They set the sensitive, sympathetic chords of memory vibrating pleasurably. You can hardly read anything I write without being reminded of some one or other of your best friends in the language. I have written some verses which I can assure you were a triumph of this art. He made an artistic pause here, shook his head, and then ejaculated solemnly, but Lord, how I did rage when the fact was first pointed out to me. The tenor got the boat round, and with an occasional dip of the oars to keep it in midstream, allowed it to drift slowly back toward Morning Quest. I'm afraid you are precocious, boy, he said at last. Don't be so if you can help it. The thing is detestable. I really think I shall be obliged to avoid you, Israfil. The boy rejoined. If I let you be intimate, you will be giving me good advice. Look there! The tenor turned hastily. But there was nothing wrong. It was only that they had reached a point from which they could obtain a view that pleased the boy's excitable fancy. A bend of the river, a glimpse of upland meadows, woods with the cathedral spire above them, and the square outline of the castle overhanging the city from its dominant side on the hill, and seeming to guard it as it slept. The tenor looked a little, then dipped his oars and rode a stroke or two. The boy's mood had changed. He was keenly susceptible to the refining influences of beautiful scenes. His countenance cleared and softened as he gazed, and the tenor knew that he would jeer no more that night. Presently, they heard the city clock striking the hour. Both listened, waiting for the chime. The tenor rested on his oars, and after it had sounded, muffled by distance, but quite distinct, he still sat so, gazing thoughtfully into the water. Boy, shall I tell you something? he said at last. The boy gravely responded with a nod. It was not far from where we are now, the tenor continued, that I first heard the chime. Oh, ever so many years ago. And he brushed his hand back over his hair. You were a boy then?  I had been working in a colliery. The work was too hard for me, and I was coming up the morn on a barge to try and get something lighter to do in one of the towns. We came up very slowly, and it was a hot day, and I idled about for hours, looking at the water over the side, and at the banks of the river as we passed, but without thinking of anything. What I saw made me feel. I was conscious of various sensations—pleasure, wonder, amusement—and above all, of a dreamful ease. But I could not translate sensations into words at that time. They suggested no ideas. There had been nothing in my life so far to rouse my mental faculties, and I was conscious without being intelligent, as I suppose the beasts of the field are. I must have been happy then, but I did not know it. As we approached Morning Quest, I heard the chime. It was very faint at first, for we were still a long way off. But the next time it sounded, we were nearer, and the next it was quite distinct. And it seemed to me to mean something. So I asked the old bargee who was steering, and he told me—I could neither read nor write at that time, and I had never heard of Christ—that I loved music, and the idea of a great beneficent being who slumbered not nor slept, but watched over us all forever—took possession of my imagination, and I caught up the notes and words and sang them with all my heart. And when we got to the outskirts of the city, a gentleman who had been sitting on the towing path, sketching the old houses on the opposite side of the river, heard me, and hailed the barge and came on board. Which is your sweet singer, he asked. And the old fellow who was steering nodded toward me, and answered, the lad there. And the gentleman said if I would go away with him, he would have me taught music, and make a great singer of me. And you went. Yes, said the tenor, with his habitual gesture. The gentleman was a bachelor, he resumed, with few near relations. He was very rich, very liberal, and passionately fond of art in all its branches. That was why he took me at first. But by and by he began to like me for myself. He had me educated as his own son might have been, and I loved him as if he had been my father. Oh boy, he was a good man. You never would have scoffed at religion and truth had you been brought up by him. I rested on his affection as surely as you rely on the obligation of your nearest of kin. I knew that, even if I had lost my voice or otherwise disappointed him, it would have made no difference. Once my friend, he would always have been my friend. But I did not lose my voice, nor did I otherwise disappoint him, I trust. The tenor paused a moment. He was always sure that I was gentle by birth, he resumed. And all my tutors said I must have come of an educated race because I was so teachable. Everything in the new life came to me naturally. I never had any trouble. My friend tried hard to find my parents. But all that was known of me and the place I came from was that a collier, who lived alone in a little cottage, went home late one night and found me asleep on his bed. They thought I was only a few days old then, and had kept my clothes, which were such as a gentleman's child would have worn. But there was no mark on any of them, nor any clue by which I could be identified, except the name. David, Julie, and Vane Temple scrawled on a scrap of paper in a woman's hand, an educated hand. The collier brought me up somehow, though heaven alone knows how, considering my age and his own occupation. Do you know, boy, one of the most weary things in life is the sense of an obligation that you can never repay. If I could only have done something to prove my gratitude to my first foster father. But there, I must not think of it. It is better to hope that all he did for me was a pleasure to himself at the time, though there must have been much more trouble than pleasure at first. But he was very kind, and I was very happy with him. Here the tenor paused again for a while, and then resumed. When I was old enough he took me down to the pit occasionally, but he would not let me work until I was much past the age at which the other boys began. He said I was not one of them. My build was different, and I was quite unfit for such rough labor, and so it proved. But I persevered as long as he lived. It was not very long, however, for he was killed one day by an explosion of gas down in the mine, while trying to rescue some other poor fellows who had been blocked up in a gallery for days by a fall. His dog was killed at the same time. He liked to have his family with him, he said, and we were generally both beside him when he was at work. But he sent me off on an impossible errand to a neighboring town that day. I did not suspect it at the time, but I know now that it was to keep me out of harm's way. And so I was left quite alone in the world, and I thought the place where I had had a friend was more desolate than strange places with which I had no such tender associations would be. And so I wandered away, and wandered about, until I was found by my next friend on the barge, and the new life began for me. Then he never found out who you were, the boy exclaimed. No, never. And why did you leave him? The tenor shipped his oars. He had a place in Scotland, to which we went every autumn for shooting. He began to answer indirectly, and then stopped. The boy was leaning forward, with his eyes riveted on the tenor's face. His delicate features were pale and drawn with excitement and interest. His lips were parted. He scarcely seemed to breathe. There was a long pause. The moonlight still streamed down upon them. The water lapped against the sides of the boat, and sparkled and rippled all around them. Its murmurs mingling with the rustle of leaves, the sighing of sleeping cattle, the manifold, inarticulate voices of the night, above which a nightingale and a copes hard by, sang out at intervals divinely. My friend was not conventional in anything. The tenor began again at last. When he went out shooting, for instance, he liked to find his own game, as he would have had to do in the wilds. All the sport of the thing lay in that, he said. It was just the difference between nature and artifice. We were therefore in the habit of going out alone. That is to say, with a keeper or two and the dogs, but never with a party. Here again the tenor paused, and all the minor murmurs of the water and from the land sounded aggressively, with that sort of sound which fills the ears, but seems nevertheless to emphasize the silence and solitude at night. The boy moved restlessly once or twice, making the little boat rock, and the tenor, yielding to the eager expectancy he saw in his eyes, resumed his story. Toward the end of the season of which I have been speaking, he said, we had arranged an expedition for one particular morning. But just as we were about to start, my friend got a telegram from a man he knew, begging him as a favor to be at home that day, to receive a yachting party who were anxious to come up and see the place, and he had only a few hours to do it in. I wanted to stay and help him to entertain them, but he would not hear of it. My day's shooting was of more consequence to him than the entertainment of many guests, and he made me go alone. But I went reluctantly. I had been out alone often enough before, and had enjoyed it thoroughly. But that day somehow I hated to leave him, and only went to please him he made such a point of it. Once fairly started, however, I began as was natural to enjoy the tramp over the moors. We intended to send back for any game we might shoot, so only one old ghillie accompanied me. I carried out the plans we had made the night before, going the way we had intended to go. It was dear I was after, and as luck would have it I had some splendid sport, and had begun to enter into it thoroughly before we halted to refresh ourselves at noon. After a long rest, we set off again up a wooden glen. The keeper had noticed a herd of deer only the day before feeding at the other side, and it seemed more than probable that we should get a shot when we reach the brow of the hill, or we might perhaps meet some of them coming down the glen to drink. The afternoon was waning then, and we had turned our faces homeward. When we got to the head of the glen, the luck seemed still to be favouring us, for there on our right was a splendid fellow lording it alone on the very crest of the hill within range. I did not stop to consider, but raised my gun to my shoulder and fired instantly. But just as I pulled the trigger, someone sprang up from the heather between me and the stag, sprang up, uttered a cry, and reeled, and fell. The last words were spoken with a gasp, and the tenor stopped for an instant, and then continued in a hoarse, broken whisper, to which his companion had to listen intently, leaning forward to do so, with his great eyes dilated, and his pale lips quivering. Lord Sir, the ghillie exclaimed, you've shot the master. And you had? I had. Yes, I had shot him, the tenor repeated. Always were Phil, cried the boy, flinging himself down impetuously before him, and grasping his hands. When his guests had gone, the latter continued in a broken voice. He strolled out to meet me. He had not said anything about coming, but he knew I meant to return by that glen. He did not, however, know on which side I should be, and he had therefore taken up his position on the brow of the hill from whence he could see every point at which I was likely to appear. Probably he never saw the stag, it was behind him, and we, the ghillie and I, neither of us saw anything else, and indeed had there been no game, we could hardly have distinguished him at that time of the day from the hillside till he moved, for the suit he wore was just the color of the rocks and heather.  I remember now, the boy said softly. I heard all about it at the time, and read the case in the papers, but I never thought of associating it with you. Yet, how could I have been so dull? There was an inquest, and they tried, he hesitated. They tried to make out that I had some motive, something to gain by his death, the tenor went on. But everyone, and most of all his nearest of kin, his heir, came forward to exonerate me. He had provided for me and his will, by settling the allowance he always made on me and my heirs forever. But he always said that my voice was my fortune, and he had no need to make enemies for me by giving me that which belonged by right to others. He was a just man, singularly open in all his dealings, and it was not hard to clear me, but still, oh, he broke off. It was awful, awful. And afterward, the boy ventured to ask. Afterward, the tenor repeated slowly. Afterward, for some months, I wondered about. They were all very kind. They wanted me to stay with them. They wanted to take me abroad. They would have done anything to help and comfort me. But all I cared for was to be alone. At first there was a blink. The faces about me had no meaning for me. The people, when they spoke, could scarcely make me understand. I was mad in a way, but not mad enough to be insensible to sorrow. I felt the fearful calamity that had fallen upon me, but nothing else. I told myself every hour of the day that he was dead—dead, cruelly cut off in the midst of his happy life by me whom he loved. I could not have suffered more had I been guilty. The tenor broke off. This lasted, I hardly know how long. But eventually I began to fancy that he saw my agony of grief, and that it was a torment to him not to be able to come and comfort me. Then one day I was in Cornwall at the time, sitting on the seashore, and all at once, it was the strangest thing in life. I heard the chime. I had not been thinking of it. I doubt if I had thought of it a dozen times since I heard it first. But it sounded for me then. I heard it quite distinctly, and I got up and looked about me. It was the first thing outside myself that had arrested my attention since I had seen him drop on the moor. I went back to the inn I was staying at and asked about it, but I could scarcely make them understand what I meant, and there was certainly no such chime in that neighborhood. Then I felt it was a message sent specially to me, and I made my man pack up my things, and then I dismissed him, and started at once for morning quest alone. It was a long journey, and although I traveled with all possible speed, I did not arrive until nearly forty-eight hours later. It was close on midnight then, and the first thing I heard when I found myself alone in my room at the hotel was the chime itself. Have you ever noticed, or is it only my fancy, that it seems to strike louder at midnight, and with greater intensity of expression, as we ourselves strike final chords? It sounded so to me then, and suggested something. I can't tell what, I can't define it, but something that changed the current of my thoughts, and made me feel I had done right to come. And from that moment, my grief was less self-centered, and the blessed power to feel for others began to return to me. Almost immediately after my arrival, I heard of the tragedy in the cathedral, the suicide of the tenor, and the trouble the dean and chapter were having to find a substitute. And when I had seen the quiet, shady clothes, and the beautiful old cathedral, and my little house with a tie-walled garden at the back, standing as it were on holy ground, I longed to take up my abode there, where no one would know my story but those to whom the secret would be sacred, and no one would intrude upon my grief. So I applied for the tenor's place, and I knew as soon as I had taken the step that it was a wise one. I thought, if anything could restore the balance of my mind, it would be the regular employment, the quiet monotony, the something to do that I must do, the duty and obligation, which were just sufficient without being any tax on my powers, to take me out of myself. And the being able to shut myself up from the world in the close, as I said before, was another inducement, though by far the greatest were the daily services in the cathedral. While taking part in them, I always feel that I am nearer him. When I applied for the place, and the dean heard who I was, of course he knew the story, the whole world knew it at that time, and how I yearned for a life of devotion. He sympathized with me entirely, gladly acceded to my request, and agreed to keep my secret. He has told me since that he always hoped and believed the quiet, regular life would restore me, and when it had, he intended to urge me to go away and make the most of my powers. Dear kind old man, he has indeed been a good friend to me, and he is a good man himself, if ever there were one. But I seem to have known, none but good men, the tenor concluded thoughtfully. But your money is refill, the boy said impatiently. What did you do with that? The question provoked the ghost of a smile.  But since you wish to know, I will tell you, my income has all been disposed of for some years to come. It was a great deal more than I should have required in any case, and a lay clerk with such means would have been an anomaly not to be tolerated. But he meant that I should enjoy it, and so I have. I have held it as a sacred trust left to me for the benefit of those who are worse off than myself. I keep the principle in my own hands, but I dispose of the interest. It does not go very far, alas, in my profession, where want is the rule. But it enables me to do something, and that, till I knew you, boy, was my greatest pleasure in life. I have earned my own living almost ever since I came to Morning Quest, and being obliged to do so has been a very good thing for me. And all these pensioners, or whatever you like to call them, of yours, do they know? As a rule my lawyers manage the business delicately, the tenor answered, smiling. He dipped his oars as he spoke, and began to row back with a will. The boy, shivering as if with cold, gathered up the tiller lines and steered mechanically. They were both subdued, and scarcely spoke till the boat touched the landing place at the Watergate. And then the boy begged the tenor to get out, saying that he must row himself home. The tenor jumped ashore, and then, with a long grip of each other's hands, and a long look into each other's eyes, they parted in silence. The moon had set by this time, and the summer dawn was near. Chapter 14 of the Heavenly Twins The next night the boy appeared again, in his white, boating suit, with his sandy hair tumbled more than usual. His restless eyes sparkled and glanced, and there was a glow beneath his clear skin, which answered in his to a heightened color in other complexions. He was evidently excited about something, and the tenor thought he had never seen him look so well. What his mood was did not become immediately apparent. The tenor had learned that the sparkle in his eyes either meant some mischievous design or a strong desire to make music. But this evening he was long in coming to the point. He began by pelting the tenor with roses through the window, and then he entered and danced, and impromptu breakdown in the middle of the room. But these preliminaries might have been an introduction to anything, and it seemed as if his program were not complete, for he next subsided into his accustomed seat on the sofa up against the wall opposite the fireplace, and remained there with his hands in his pockets, looking at the tenor thoughtfully for at least ten minutes. The tenor was also in his accustomed seat beside the hearth or rather beside the stand of growing flowers and ferns that hid the hearth with a book on his knee. He was sitting there when the first rose whizzed in out of the silence and solitude of night without warning upon him, announcing the arrival of the boy. It startled him somewhat, but he did not wince from the shower that followed, nor did he move when the boy chose to show himself. The merely smiled and closed his book, and then sat watching the next part of the proceedings with the gravity of an eastern potentate. He sat so now, looking up at the great cathedral, seen dimly through the open window, towering above them. His profile turned to the boy and the roses all about him on the floor, on the back of his chair, one on his shoulder, another on his book, and one he held in his hand. There were dozens of them of every hue, from that deep crimson damask which is almost black to the purest white, fresh gathered from the trees apparently, with the dew still glistening on their perfumed petals and on the polished surface of the leaves. The tenor, becoming conscious of the groin du genre, he held in his hand, looked into its creamy depth with quiet eyes. The beauty of the flower was a pleasure to him, though for the matter of that everything was a pleasure to him now. He had no words to tell it, but his face was irradiated by the gladness of the hope which he cherished from morning till night. The boy had been watching him admiringly. He will be one of the beauties when you come out, dear Israel Phil, he said. They will photograph you and put you into the shop windows, cabinet, size two and six pence. Sounds rather vulgar, though, doesn't it? Saviors of desecration to my mind. But Israel Phil, you will certainly be the rage. One so seldom sees a good-looking man. Good-looking women are common enough and they make themselves still commoner nowadays, which remark coming from such a quarter amused the tenor, whereupon the boy became irate. Oh, dear, away, he exclaimed. But when you know Angelica as well, as I do, you will respect my knowledge of this subject.  Boy, I protest, he exclaimed. I can endure your gearlessness, but I do bar your cynicism. If you can't be agreeable, be still. You're in a horrid, bad temper. And so saying, the tenor rose in his languid way, got a little table, which he placed beside his chair, spread out his pipes upon it, and began to clean them with crow's quills, the boy watching the operation the while, with cheerful intentness. Pipes and tobacco and roses, he said at last. What a mixture it sounds, but it doesn't look bad. Dear Isra, fill. He added, encouragingly. The tenor made no remark, his pipes seemed to be all engrossing. He had just filled the bowl of one with a number of few sea heads cut off short, and now he popped in a light and corked them up. There was a tiny explosion on the instant, followed by a rush of smoke through the shank of the pipe, which swept it clean, and added musk and gunpowder to the already heavy odor of roses that filled the room. The boy, still alligng on the sofa, observing the tenor's proceedings with interest, drew up one leg, clasping his hands round it below the knee, and began to sing to himself in a monotonous undertone, as was his want. By the by, the tenor said like one who suddenly remembers, I found some verses after you were here the other night, and he straightened himself to feel it in his pockets.  When the winter storms were howling, for the ocean leafless trees and somber landscape cold and drear, bitter winds and driving rains or white commotion of the whirling snow that drifted far and near, then my heart, which had been strong, was bowed and broken. I was crushed with sudden sense of loss and fear, dull as silence passed the days and brought no token of a light to make the darkness disappear. Would the grief that wrecked my life forever hold me, soon or later winter storms their ravage cease? With the coming of the green leaves something told me, with the coming of the green leaves there is peace. When the bursting buds proclaimed the spring time nearing, song of birds and scented flowers everywhere, drowsy drone of distant workers and the cheering hum of honey seeking bees in all the air, then my sorrow took swift wings and rose and left me, and I knew no more the aching of despair came again to me the joy that seemed bereft me, and for hope I changed the dreary weight of care. With the winter tempest passed the storms of feeling, soon and surely did their power to pain me cease, and the sunshine lighted summer rose revealing, with the coming of the green leaves there is peace. The tenor looked at the boy when he had finished, shook his head mournfully, struck a match, set fire to the paper upon which the verses were written and watched it burn with the air of a disappointed man. Don't make any more rhymes, boy. He said, don't write any more at least until you get out of the sickly sentimental stage. I thought I was prepared for the worst, but I really never imagined anything quite so bad as that. The boy, although he had listened to the lines with a fine affectation of enjoyment, was in no way discomposed by the tenor's adverse criticism. He seemed on the contrary to enjoy that too, for he chuckled and hugged himself ecstatically before he replied, I should like to know, he said, with his uncanny grin, how you found out those lines were mine, for I certainly never told you that I wrote them. The tenor's mind misgave him. Didn't you, he said, looking at the ashes? The boy threw himself back on the sofa. They were angelic, as he said, with a shout of laughter, and now you look as if you would like to have them back again. It will take you months to get over that. The tenor was certainly disconcerted, but he merely resumed his pipe, folded his hands and looked up at the cathedral. He had been blessed all his life with the precious gift of silence. Outside the night was very still. There was a fitful little breeze which rustled the leaves and made the creepers tap on the window panes, but beyond this there was no sound, no sign of life or movement, nothing to remind them of the whole city full, so close of hand. The tenor lay back in his chair, looking somewhat dispirited. The boy got up and began to wander about the room. A long pause followed, which was broken by the chime. I've been trying to say something all the evening, and now that beastly chime has gone and made it impossible. The boy exclaimed as soon as he could hear himself speak. I hate it. I love it. It is cruel as eternal damnation. It is condemnation without appeal. It is a judgment which acknowledges none of the excuses we make for ourselves. I wish they would change it. I wish they would make it say, Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy upon us. The tenor put down his pipe, rose slowly, and went upstairs. In a few minutes he returned in flannels. You want exercise, boy? He said you must come out. It is a lovely night for the river, and I have been shut up in the clothes all day. The boy sprang to his feet. Yes, yes, he exclaimed with animation, let us go and I'll bring my violin. Where's my hat? You came without one tonight, or perhaps you hung it on the palings. No, I didn't. The boy replied, I must have forgotten it all together, but it doesn't matter. I'd rather be without one. I always take it off when I can. So I have seen, said the tenor, following him out. As he walked through the clothes, still a little behind the boy, he could not help noticing by no means for the first time, but more particularly than usual what a graceful creature the latter was. His slender figure showed to advantage in the light flannels. They made him look broader and more manly while leaving room for the free play of limb and muscle. He had knotted a crimson silk scarf round his neck, sailor fashion, and twisted a voluminous cummerbund of the same round his waist carelessly, so that one heavily fringed end of it came loose, and now hung down to his knee, swaying with his body as he moved. The tenor remembered that his socks were also of crimson silk, a detail which had caught his eye as the boy lolled on the sofa. It was evident that the costume had cost him a thought, and if somewhat theatrical, it was certainly picturesque, and entirely characteristic. In one respect, the boy's art was perfect, although he was quite conscious of his good looks. He never had the air of being so. Every movement was natural and spontaneous, like the movements of a wild creature and as agile. He seemed to rejoice in his own strength to delight in his own suppleness, and he walked on now with healthy elastic step. His violin held to his shoulder, his clear cut cheek, leaned down to it lovingly, his luxuriant light hair all tumbled and tossed while he kept on to an imaginary tune with the bow in his right hand, now flourishing it in the air and now drawing it across the instrument, scarcely seeming to touch the strings, yet waking low, eerie and harp-like murmurs or deep, thrilling tones or bright melodious cadences, making it respond to his touch like a living creature and glancing back over his shoulder at the tenor as they proceeded with a joyous face as if sure of his sympathy but anxious to see if he had it all the same. I feel more amiable now, he said, between cadence and cadence, kindly consider that I have cancelled all my former misstatements. Synthesis can't exist in a healthy sensorium with sounds like these, and he executed a magnificent crescendo passage on his violin. When I want to play, I feel that I must prepare myself, making music as a religious rite to me, which can only be performed by one imperfect charity with all men. They were seated in the boat by this time, the tenor at the oars, row brothers row, the boy played and steer yourself, he said, I can do nothing but accompany you. And then he began in earnest while the tenor made the boat fly past river bank and towing path and house and wharf past bridge and tower and town. It seemed but a flash when they were out in the open country, black matters on the left and on their right, the green and swelling upland dotted with slumber's cattle and sheep and shadowy with the heavy summer foliage of old trees. The tenor stopped there exhausted. There is madness in your music, boy, he said it puts me beside myself. The boy laughed, but in the pause that followed he shivered a little and laid aside his instrument. It was not such a very fine night on the river as it had appeared to be in the close. The moon would rise later, but at present there was no sign of her. And the sky though cloudless was not clear, the color being that misty opaque gray, which hangs low at the horizon on summer nights when the light never wholly departs and is accompanied by a close and sultry atmosphere so charged with electricity the harbinger of storms. It was so that night there were no stars to relieve the murky heaviness nor was it dark a sort of twilight rained as comfortless as tepid water and there was no breeze now to rustle the leaves into life all seen ghostly still say for the muffled rush of the river and the melancholy howling of a dog at some farm out of sight and even the river was not its usual merry self but a sullen heavy body that slipped by stealthily making haste to the sea as if anxious to be away from the spot without a ripple to break its level surface and without the musical lop and gurgle and murmur with which it danced along at brighter times in spite of the heat or perhaps because of it the air was full of moisture and while the tenor rested a dead white mist began to appear above the low line meadows it rose thinly a mere film at first which coming suddenly would have made a man brush his hand over his eyes mistaking the haze for some defective vision the gathering and gaining body rapidly and rising a certain height clear from the ground then seeming to hover a thick cloud poise between earth and sky not touching either but drawn horizontally over the fields like a pall with ragged edges through which the trees showed in blurred outline there leaves dripping miserably with an intermittent pattern of uncertain drops as the moisture collected upon them and fell and then collected again the fog was stationary for a time and did not extend beyond the meadows but it rose at intervals though the clearance was only momentary and had scarcely become perceptible before reinforcements of dull white vapor tainted with my asthma rolled up from that marshy ground bringing dank odors of standing water and weedy vegetation half decayed and gradually encroaching on that river the smooth surface of which glowed with that greasy gleam beneath it making it look like a river of oil let us go back to the boy my soul is sick with apprehension and the damp will ruin my violin i thought it was making you feel as if something were going to happen the tenor observed as he got the boat round the boy ruffled his flocks and hair and laughed uneasily get away quick he said if the elements do sympathize with man there'll be a tragedy here before morning the tenor pulled on steadily and in silence for some distance but once out of sight of the mist and the meadows the boy's ever-varying spirits rose again he took up his violin and drew soft sounds from it which seemed to float away far out into the night seeing something he said at last playing the prelude to the most love sweet song ever written i rise from dreams of thee the tenor sang like one inspired the boy uttered a deep sigh when he had finished he was speechless with pleasure but the tenor went on he sang of the sun and the sea gliding from one string to another and unconsciously keeping time to the measure as he rode now making the little boat leap forward with a fine impulse now almost resting on his oars till their progress through the water was scarcely perceptible and now stopping all together while he lingered on a closing cadence looking up people who chanced awake as the windings of the river brought the singer past their homes that night sat up in their beds and wondered the music made them think of old tales of weird enchantment in which strains incomprehensibly sweet and thrilling like these coming from nobody could tell where had played a part in one poor creature who had long been dying in lingering pain thought heaven had opened for her and smiling past happily away it would have been no great stretch of the imagination to have supposed that nature did sympathize with man in his moods just then for gradually as if to the music the murky clouds had parted like a curtain at a given signal and rolled away leaving the vault of night high and bare and blue above them with here and there a diamond star or two sparsely sprinkled from horizon to zenith radiant at first but presently paling before a slender shaft of light that shot up in the east and then opening fan like was quickly followed by the great golden rim of the moon herself she rose from behind a hill crested with fir trees which appeared for a moment as if photographed on her disc and then mounting rapidly hung suspended in a clear indigo sky above the quiet woods the river and the little boat which was motionless now an ideal moon in an ideal world with ideal music to greet her but the boy dropped the violin on his knee and forgot to play as he watched this beautiful transformation scene and the tenor's song sang to a murmur while he also gazed and waited dipping his oars to keep the boat in midstream mechanically joy and sadness are near again in music they are like pleasure and happiness the one is the surface of feeling the other it's depth and there is solemnity in every phase of absolute beauty which cannot fail to influence such natures as the tenors and the boys it was the tenor though that felt this moment most his nature if not deeper was more devout than the boys pleasure with him was a veritable uplifting of the spirit and praise and thankfulness and all the peace and quietness about them the marvelous light on hill and would unveil and even the nearness of the unseen city which he felt without perceiving it and from which there came to him that sense of fellowship and of the sacredness of human life in which all the best qualities of man are rooted these together sanctified the time although for the matter of that to such a nature all times and seasons are sanctified for if ever a man's soul was purified on earth his was and if ever a man deserved to see heaven he did humanly speaking there was no stain on him in thought word indeed he was immaculate and true as a little child this moment was therefore peculiarly his own a moment of deep happiness which found expression as all pleasurable emotion did with him in music he lifted up his voice that wonderful voice which had no equal been upon earth and sang as he had sung once before on that very spot when the first vague idea of the omnipresent majesty of a god possessed him sang with all his heart and it was the litany of the blessed virgin the one he had heard in france in days gone by the one he had been singing when first he met the boy which recurred to him now why or wherefore it would be hard to say he had not thought of it since but perhaps the moon which were shining again as it had shown that night on the old marketplace had helped to recall it or perhaps it satisfied him with a sense of appropriateness for it was not a dismal monotonous product of mercenary dryness to which the words were set but the characteristic music of devotion by which the spirit of prayer is made audible when words fail as they always do to express it in all its force and further the boy listened a while with parted lips it was a new experience for him and he was deeply moved then his musical instinct awoke and presently he took up the strain voice and violin accompanying the tenor who rode on once more while the river banks resounded with crease day Audi knows crease day exaldi knows and re echoed misery we know this at one point as they approached a lady appeared suddenly and stood with her hands clasped to her breast looking and listening she was a tall and graceful woman wrapped in a long cloak and bareheaded as if she had stepped out from somewhere just for the moment she evidently recognized the singer and the board would have recognized the beautiful face strong and its calm sad serenity and compassionate had he looked that way but he did not look that way and they swept on the music growing fainter and fainter in the distance till it last the boat was out of sight yet even then a few high notes continued to float back but these in turn quivered into silence and all was still only for a moment though for the clocks had struck and heated and now the chime rang out through the sultry air voice like clear and resonant the lady listened looking up as if the message were for her but sighed it will come right I know she said as she turned away but Lord how long end of book for chapter 14 book for chapter 15 of the heavenly twins this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the heavenly twins by Sarah Grand book for chapter 15 part 1 air perfumed with flowers music motion warmth and stillness moonlit meadows shadowy woods the river and the boat it had been a time of delight too late begun and too soon ended but exaltation cannot last beyond a certain time at that height and then comes the inevitable reaction it came upon the tenor and the boy quite suddenly and for no apparent reason it was the boy who felt it first and left off playing then the song ceased and the tenor rode on diligently they were near the landing place by this time but the tenor did not know it he had not noticed the landmarks as they passed and thought they had still some distance to go here boy he said breaking along silence take the oars and row i'm tired and it is your turn now oh the boy exclaimed derisively just as if i would row and blister my lovely white hands when you are here to roll me i cannot tolerate such laziness the tenor protested it is sparing the rod and spoiling the child here take the oars or i'll throw you overboard and he made gesture toward him the boy jumped up laughing and flourishing his violin as if he would hit the tenor on the head with it don't touch me he cried or i'll take care for god's sake the tenor exclaimed but too late his excitable companion in the middle of cutting off fantastic caper reeled lost his balance plunged head foremost into the water and sank like a stone without a moment's delay the tenor dived in after him the cockle shell of a boat half capsizing as he went over took in water enough to sink her to the gun whale and the whole thing happened so quickly that a spectator on the bank who had seen the boat and its occupants one moment might have looked in vain the next for any trace of either the tenor came to the surface alone his dive in the uncertain light had been unsuccessful and now he had the strength of mind to wait in what agony of suspense heaven only knows till the boy should rise it could only have been a few seconds but it was long enough for the tenor to lay another man's death at his own door to realize the loss to himself the boy would be in his position when he would have to take the dreadful news to the family only one member of which in all probability knew of their intimacy she knew but good heaven would she not blame him oh he had been to blame to blame it was only a few seconds yet it was time enough for the unfortunate tenor to live over again the awful moment when he had seen his best friend drop dead only there was a double pang for a time and space were confounded and it was as if both father and brother as they had been to him had gone down at once and both by his hand in that brief interval of suffering his face had become rigid and set a stony mask with no visible sign of emotion upon it and yet the man's strength and power of endurance were evident in this that he had the courage to wait and presently the boy rose to the surface within easy reach with an exclamation of relief the tenor grasped him and struck out for the shore afraid at first that the boy who apparently could not swim would cling about him in his fright and hamper his movements and then afraid because the boy did not cling about him but suffered himself to be dragged through the water inert like a log helpless lifeless no not lifeless the tenor argued with himself he could not be lifeless you know he had not been in the water long enough to bat the tenor noticed that he had not let go of his violin and thought the ruling passion strong in no not in death how could a dead hand hold on like that boy dear boy but the boy made no response the tenor had struck out for the nearest bank which as luck would have it brought him to the landing place at the water gate his perception seemed singularly quickened every sense was actively alive to what was passing nothing escaped him and he rendered an account to himself of all that occurred feeling it's strange that while that he should be able to do so at such a time he noticed some detail of the stonework in the arch as he swam toward it he noticed the poplars some three or four of different heights which stood up all stiff and biminius as seen from below beside it he remembered the boy once saying they looked like hairy caterpillars standing on their heads and smiled even now at the quaint conceit when he reached the steps and clutched the handrail it was with a sensation of joy that nearly paralyzed him he was curious though what odd and trivial phrases rose to his lips what irrelevant thoughts passed through his mind mustn't hollow till we're out of the wood he warned himself as he drew the boy from the water with difficulty in getting him over his shoulder so that he could hold him with one hand and steady himself on the steep steps with the other began to stagger up i wonder what the boy would say if he could see me now was his involuntary thought as he did so the boy was heavier than his slender figure would have led one to suppose or else the tenor was not so strong as he thought himself at all events he swayed under his burden as he carried him through the silent close now putting out his hand flat against a wall to steady himself and now staggering up to the gnarled trunk of one of the old lime trees and pausing to take breath while he mentally calculated the distance between that and the next support at which he could stop to rest noticing in the brief interval the blackness of the shadows noticing also a little shiver of leaves above him caused by gust of air the first forerunner of a breeze that was rapidly rising notice this last fact particularly partly because the wind chilled him in his thin wet flannels and partly because it marked the change in contrast between the warm and happy time just over the anxious present moment and the dread of what might be yet to come the next support was the corner of the wall which surrounded the dean's garden creeping on by that till it ended he made an unsteady dash across the road for the wall of the cathedral and then from that across again zigzag to his own little gate we're gathering his strength for the last effort he took the boy whom he apostaphized as a perfect old man of the sea in both arms as a mother does her child and a moment afterward laid him on the floor of the long low room where they had spent so many happy hours together and from whence he had gone out a short time before all life and strength and youth and beauty gone to his death the tenor felt the phrase in his mind but stifled it with a thank god as he laid him down he had been fatigued by the long row when the accident happened and was now almost exhausted by excitement terror for the boy and this last effort but still his mind went on with abnormal clearness noting every trifle and continuing to force him as it were to render an account of each to himself he noticed the perfume of roses the roses the boy had showered in upon him so short a time before and he found himself measuring the shortness of the interval again as if it would have been easier to bear the catastrophe had it not jostled a happier state of things so closely he found himself wondering what the boy would say if he knew he had brought him in by the front door instead of by the window he was sure he would have insisted on the mode of entrance he so much preferred had he been conscious and felt as if he had taken a disloyal advantage of the boy's helpless condition though while these trivial thoughts flashed through his brain he lost no time not even lighting a lamp though the room was dark what there was to be done must be done promptly and with the same extraordinary lucidity of mind he remembered every simple remedy there was at his disposal he ran upstairs three steps at a time for the blankets off his own bed he had made up the kitchen fire as was his want that evening for the boy to cook if it pleased him unfortunately it was burning brightly still he warmed the blankets there and then returning stripped the light flannel clothing from the boy loosened his fingers from the violin which he still clutched convulsively rolled him up in them and then with an effort lifted him on to the sofa where he had sat and justed only a little while ago and again the involuntary reckoning of time to consider the contrast between the then and now smote the tenant to the heart with a cruel pain boy dear boy he called to him he was kneeling beside him but could only see a dim outline of his face in the obscurity of the room and perhaps it was the darkness that made him look so rigid boy dear boy he cried again but the boy made no sign oh god spare him the stricken man implored and then he clasped the lad in his arms and pressed his cheek to his in a burst of grief and tenderness not to be controlled he held him so for a few seconds and it seemed as if in that close embrace his whole being had expressed itself in love and prayer as if he had wrestled with death itself and conquered for all at once he felt the boy's limbs quiver through their clumsy wrappings and then he heard him sigh oh the relief of it the sudden reaction made him feel sick and faint but the precious life was not yet safe there's many have slipped so his mind began in spite of an effort to control it restoratives heat stimulants friction he pulled the standard ferns and flowering plants half round from the fireplace roughly so that the pots fell up against each other or rolled on the floor then he fetched the burning coals from the kitchen and heat them on till the grate was full the kettle had been boiling on the hob so we brought it in now hissing with brandy to make a drink but he must have more light where are the matches nowhere of course they never are when they're wanted however it didn't matter a piece of paper would do as well and he twisted the piece up and stooped among the scattered roses to light it at the fire and then he lit the lamp and turned to look at the boy all this had been done in a moment as it seemed and his face was still bright with hope and prepared to smile encouragement but god in heaven he cried under his breath as a man does who is too shocked to speak out had some strange metamorphosis been brought about by that sudden immersion he pulled himself together with an effort and walked to the other end of the room where he stood with his back to the sofa and his hands up raised to his head trying to study himself then he returned no he had not been mistaken he was not mad he was not dreaming he was the boy who had plunged into the water head foremost but this god in heaven he ejaculated again under his breath and then stood gazing like one transfixed for this with the handsome strong young face upturned the smooth white throat the dark brown braids pinned close to the head all red and shiny this was not the boy but the tenor's own lady his ideal apurity his goddess of truth his angel of pity as in his foolishly fond way idealizing he had been accustomed to consider her he was angelica herself yet so complete had been the deception to his simple unsuspicious mind so impossible to believe was the revelation and so used was he to associate some idea of the boy with everything that occurred that now with his first conscious mental effort he began to blame him as if her being there were due to some unpardonable peace of his mischief the little wretch he began how dare he he stopped there realizing the absurdity of it realizing that there was no boy and no lady for the matter of that at least none such as he had imagined it had all been a cruel fraud from beginning to end it was a terrible blow but the high-minded self-contained dignity of the man was never more apparent than in the way he bore it his face was unnaturally pale and set but there was no other sign of what he suffered and the first shock over he had once presumed his anxious efforts to restore the girl whose consciousness had scarcely yet returned although she breathed and had moved it was curious how the new knowledge already affected his attitude toward her and preparing the hot drink he put half the quantity of brandy he would have used five minutes before for the boy and when he had to raise her head to make her swallow it he did so reluctantly it was only a change of idea really the boy was a girl that was all but what a difference it made and would have made even if there had been no question of love and marriage in the matter at any other time the tenor himself might have marveled at the place apart we assign in our estimation to one of two people of like powers passions impulses and purposes simply because one of them is a woman the stimulant revived the girl and presently she opened her eyes and met his as he bent over her you are better now i hope he said coldly moving away from her i am better she answered and again their eyes met but there was yet another moment of days semi-consciousness before she was able to attach any meaning to the change she saw in his face and then it flashed upon her what she had hoped feared expected and prevented every time they met had come to pass he knew at last and she could see at once what he thought of her she would never again meet the tolerant loving glance he had had for the boy nor note the tender reverence of his face when her own name was mentioned his idol was shattered the dream and hope of his life was over and from all that remained of him herself as she really was he shrank as from the dishonored fragment of some once loved and holy thing a thing which is doubly painful to contemplate in its ruin because of the unfortunate memories that cling about it realizing something of this she uttered a smothered ejaculation uncovered her face with a gesture of intolerable shame there was always that saving grace of womanliness about angelica that when there was no excuse for her conduct she had the honesty to be ashamed of herself in consequence of which she was one of those who never erred in the same way twice the tenor turned to the fire and then noticing her wet things scattered about he gathered them up i will take them and drive them he said and gladly made his escape what he thought in the interval was i must marry her now i suppose and he could not help smiling ironically at this new way of putting it nor wondering a little at the possibility of such a sudden change of feeling as that which had all at once transformed the dearest wish of his life into a distasteful if not altogether repugnant duty when the things were dry he took them to her i will leave you to put them on he said will you kindly call me when you aren't ready and then he closed the window that looked out on the road drew down the blind and once more left her no reproach could have chilled and frightened her as this stiff and formal yet cool acceptance of the position did she feared it meant that all was over between them in a way she never thought possible but still she hoped to coax him round she dreaded the next hour the day of reckoning as it were but did not try to escape it on the contrary she hastened her dressing in order to get it over as quickly as possible is rafael she called to him boldly as soon as she was ready the tenor returned she was standing in the middle of the room when he entered and she looked at him confidently and just as the boy would have done after a piece of mischief which he had determined to brazen out the boy had two moods to define and the repentant it seemed that the girl but here the tenor checked his thoughts it was very hard though to drop either of the two individualities which had hitherto been so distinct and different and to realize that one of them at least had never existed she certainly brought more courage to the interview than he did for he the wronged one found as he faced her now that he had not a word to say for himself for the moment she was master of the situation and she began at once as if the whole thing were a matter of course catching an involuntary glance of the tenors she put both hands up to her head as the boy would have done so the tenor still confused between the two expressed it to himself and the old familiar gesture sent another pang through his heart the water had washed the flaxen wig away but the thick braids of her hair were still pinned up tightly accounting for the shape of the remarkable head about which the boy had so often and as was now evident so recklessly gested her hair was very wet and she began deliberately to take it down and unplanted I could not always make it my head you know the same shape she said answering his thought but you never noticed the difference although you often looked I used to wonder how you could look so intelligently and see so little and she glanced down at herself so unmistakably a woman now that he knew she had been like a conundrum the answer to which you would never have guessed for yourself but you see it at once when you hear it and then it seemed so simple she was rather inclined to speak to the tenor in a half-pity patronizing way as to a weak creature easily taken in but he had recovered himself by this time and something in his looking manner ought her determined as she was and she could not keep it up he moved farther from her and then spoke in a voice made harsh by the effort it cost him to control it why have you done this thing he said sternly her heart began to beat violently the color left her lips and she sank into a chair covered once more with shame and confusion but boy or girl the charm of her peculiar personality was still the same and it had its effect upon him even at that moment indignant as he was as she sat there her long hair falling behind her looking up at him with timid eyes and with tremulous mouth it was pitiful to see her so and it softened him what was your object he asked relenting excitement restlessness if I had any she faulted but I have no object I'm inventing one now because you ask me it is an afterthought I took the first step with a dry sun and then I I just drifted on on you know from one thing to another but tell me all about it he persisted taking a seat as he spoke tell me exactly how it began there was no help for it now he was sitting in judgment upon her and she felt that she must make an effort to satisfy him it began oh let me see how am I to tell you and she twisted her hands frowning in perplexity I don't want to embellish the story so as to make it picturesque and myself more interesting and she looked at the tenor with slightly elevated eyebrows as if pained already by her own inaccuracy there was something irresistibly comic in this candid about of that force of habit and all the more so because she was too much in earnest for once to see the humor of it herself the tenor saw it however but he made no sign will begin he said I ought to know your method sufficiently well by this time to enable me to sift the wheat from the chair angelica considered a little and then she answered hesitating as if she were choosing each word I see where the mistake has been all along there was no latitude allowed for my individuality I was a girl and therefore I was not supposed to have any bent I found a big groove ready waiting for me when I grew up and in that I was expected to live whether it suited me or not it did not suit me it was deep and narrow and gave me no room to move you see I love to make music art that was it it was in my own mind an imperative monitor which urges me on always into competition with other minds I wanted to do as well as to be and I knew I wanted to do but when the time came for me to begin my friends armed themselves with the whole social system as it obtains in our state of life and came out to oppose me they used to lecture me and give me good advice as if they were able to judge and it made me rage I had none of the domestic virtues and yet they would insist upon domesticating me and the funny part of it was that decide by side with my natural aspirations was an innate tendency to conform to their ideas while carrying out my own I believe I could have satisfied them my friends if only they had not thwarted me but that was the mistake I had the ability to be something more than a young lady fiddling away her time on useless trifles but I was not allowed to apply it systematically and ability is like steam a great power and properly applied a great danger otherwise let it escape recklessly and the chances are someone will be scalded bottled up and there will be an explosion in my case both happened the steam was allowed to escape at first instead of being applied to help me on in a definite career and a good deal of scalding and seed and then to remedy that mistake the dangerous experiment of bottling it up was tried and only to successfully I helped a little in that bottling myself I suppose and then came the explosion this is the explosion glancing around the disordered room and then looking down at her masculine attire I see it all now she proceeded in a spiritless way looking fixedly into the fire as if she were trying to describe something she saw there I had the feeling never actually formulated in words but quite easy to interpret now that if I broke down conventional obstacles broke the hampering laws of society I should have a chance it is a common mistake the tenor observed filling up the pause but I did not know how she pursued or where to begin or what particular law to break until one evening I was sitting alone at an open window in the dark and I was tired of doing nothing I'm very sorry for myself and I wanted an object in life more than ever and then a great longing sees me I thought it aspiration I wanted to go out there and then I wanted to be free to go and come as I would I felt the galling sense of restraint all at once and I determined to break the law that imposed it and that alone was a satisfaction the finding of one law that I could break I didn't suppose I could learn much there wasn't much left to learn this was said bitterly as if she attached the blame of it to somebody else but I should be amused and that was something and I should see the world as men see it which would be from a new point of view for me and that would be interesting it is curious isn't it she reflected that what men call life they always go out at night to see and what they mean by life is generally something disgraceful it was to the fire that she made this observation and then she resumed it is astonishing how important it some ideas become one now and then of all the numbers that occur to you how it takes possession of you and how it insists upon being carried into effect this one gave me no peace I knew from the first I should do it although I didn't want to and I didn't intend to if you can understand such a thing but my dress was an obstacle as a woman I could not expect to be treated by men with as much respect as they show to each other I know the value of men's camp about protecting the weaker sex because I was a woman I knew I should be insulted or at all events hindered however inoffensive my conduct and so I prepared this disguise and I began to be amused at once it amused me to devise it I saw a tailor's advertisement with instructions how to measure yourself and I measured myself and sent to London for the clothes these thin ones are padded to make me look square like a boy and then with some difficulty I got a wig of the right color it fitted exactly covered all my own hair you know and was so beautifully made that it was impossible for any unsuspicious person to detect it without touching it and the light shade of it to account it for the fairness of my skin which would have looked suspiciously clear and delicate with darker hair the great difficulty was my hands and feet but the different shape of a boy's shoes made my feet pass and I crumpled my hands up and kept them out outside as much as possible but they are not of a degenerated smallness she added looking at them critically it is more their shape however when I dressed myself and put on that long Ulster I saw the disguise would pass and felt pretty safe but isn't it surprising the difference dress makes I should hardly have thought it possible to convert a substantial young woman into such a slender delicate looking boy as I make but it just shows how important dress is the tenor groan didn't you know the risk you were running he asked oh yes she answered cool I knew I was breaking a law of the land I knew I should be taken before a police magistrate if I were caught masquerading and that added excitement to the pleasure the charm of danger but then you see it was danger without danger for me because I knew I should be mistaken for my brother our own parents do not know us apart when we are dressed alike oh then there are two of you the tenor said yes I told you they call us the heavenly twins said angelic yes you told me the tenor repeated thoughtfully but then you told me so many things well I told you nothing that was not absolutely true angelica answered from the ovolos point of view I assumed his manner and habits when I put these things on imitated him and everything tried to think his thoughts and looked at myself from his point of view in fact my difficulty was to remember that I was not him I used to forget sometimes and think I was but I confess but I never was such a gentleman as diavolo is always under all circumstances poor dear diavolo she added regretfully how he would have enjoyed those fried potatoes the tenor slightly changed his position he only glanced at her now and then when he spoke to her and for the rest he sat as she did with his calm deep eyes fixed on the fire and an expression of patience sadness upon his face that rung her heart perhaps it was to stifle the pain of it that she began to talk garulously oh I am sorry for the trick I've played you she exclaimed with real feeling I've been sorry all along since I knew your worth and I came tonight to tell you to confess and to apologize when I first knew you all my loving consciousness was dormant if you know what that is I mean the lovingness for our fellow creatures which makes it pain to ourselves to injure them but you re arouse that feeling and strengthen an attitude until it had become predominant so that since I've known you as you are I've hated to deceive you this is the first uncomfortable feeling of that kind I've ever had but for the rest I did not care I was bored I was always bored and I resented the serene unconcern of my friends they're in difference to my aspirations and the way they took it for granted that I had everything I ought to want and could therefore be happy if I chose exasperated me to be bored seems a slight thing but a world of suffering is contained in the experience and do you know this refill I think it dangerous to leave an energetic woman without a single strong interest or object in life trouble is sure to come other sooner or later which sounds like a truism now that I've said it and truisms are things which we habituate neglect to act upon in my case nothing of this kind would have happened and again her glance round of them expressed a comprehensive view of our present situation if I had been allowed to support a charity hospital with my violin or something made you feel responsible you know but surely you must recognize the grave responsibility which attaches to all women in the abstract angelica interposed I know if things go wrong they are blamed for it if they go right the church takes the credit the value attached to the influence of women is purely fictitious as individuals usually find when they come to demand a recognition of their personal power I should have been held to have done my duty if I had spent the rest of my life in dressing well and saying the proper thing no one would consider the waste of power which is involved in such an existence you often hear it said of a girl that she should have been a boy which being interpreted means that she has superior abilities but because she is a woman it is not thought necessary to give her a chance of making a career for herself I hope to live however to see it allowed that a woman has no more right to bury her talents than a man has in which days the man without brains will be taught to cook and clean while the clever woman will be doing the work of the world well which is now being so shamefully scammed but I was going to say that I'm sure all my vagaries have arisen out of the dread of having nothing better to do from now until the day of my death as I once said to an uncle of mine but to get up and go to bed after spending the interval in the elegant and useless way ladies do a ride a drive a dinner a dance a little music trifling all the time to no purpose not even amusing oneself for when amusement begins to be a business that ceases to be a pleasure this has not mended matters I know she acknowledged rarely but it has been a distraction and that was something while it lasted monotony however luxurious is not less irksome because it is easy a hardworking woman would have rest to look forward to but I hadn't even that although I was always weary to death as part of my idleness or purposeless occupations as anybody could possibly be by work I think if you will put yourself in my place you will not wonder at me nor at any woman under the circumstances who secure of herself in a position varies the monotony of our life with an occasional escapade as one puts sauce into soup and to relieve the insipidity deplored it if you will but don't wonder at it it is the natural consequence of an unnatural state of things and there will be more of it still or I am much mistaken end of book 4 chapter 15 part 1


In this video, we provide the solution to question number 11 for practice exam number one for math 12-20, in which case we're gonna have to calculate the volume of a solid and the solid is described in the following manner. The base of a solid is a disk in the XY plane with a boundary curve of X squared plus Y squared equals one, so that's the unit circle. Cross sections perpendicular to the X axis are given as squares. You need to set up the integral to find the volume of the solid, but we do not have to evaluate the integral. So let's try to imagine what's going on here. We have this circle, right? And then we're gonna be stacking the squares on top of the circle. And so this is what a typical cross section would look like, okay? So if we look at it from one perspective, let's add in the X and Y axes. And then our circle, I know I'm gonna do a bad job drawing my circle, that's good enough. We get the unit circle, so this is X squared plus Y squared equals one. Our cross sectional squares are supposed to be perpendicular to the X axis.  So this is what a typical cross section would look like. If we look at it, there's a little bit of thickness to it. The thickness is gonna be a DX. If we pull it out and look at it front on, it's a square for which, given the sides of the square, the area of the square is gonna be A squared like so. So as we calculate the volume of the region, we're gonna integrate this area function S squared and we're gonna do it with respect to the DX, like so. We then can ask ourselves, what are the bounds of this calculation here? Well, X can go all the way to the far left of the circle that would happen at X equals negative R. The rectangles can also come all the way to the right hand side of the circle, which would coincide with the X coordinate of X equals R. So that's the integral that we're trying to compute right here. But in the present form, I couldn't really do much with that. I can't integrate S with respect to X. So I need to improve upon that. Now, one thing we can utilize is symmetry here because the volume of the solid to the right of the Y axis is gonna be half of the total one. So I could rewrite this as two times the integral from zero to R of S squared DX, which again, that's a very optional step here because I don't actually need to evaluate this thing. And I should also mention that I'm doing this sort of generically where the radiuses are.  So I can actually do better than that. This would be one and this would be negative one, like so. And so with regard to our integral, we can put in a specific bound. Well, R is good for this one, we need to have the specific bound of one right there. So how do we deal with the S squared? Well, when we look at the square, the side length, this right here is an S. So if I were to make that label on my diagram right here, this is equal to S. But the distance from the X axis to the top of the circle, that's just the Y coordinate of this point right here. So in all reality, the top half is Y, the bottom half is likewise Y. We get this observation that S equals two times Y. So if we plug that into our integral, we end up with two times the integral from zero to one of two Y squared DX, which is the same thing, of course, as two times the integral of four Y squared DY from zero to one. You can combine, of course, the two and the four together to form an eight. So eight times the integral from zero to one of Y squared DY, excuse me, DX. Not sure where that DY came from. Let's fix that up here as well. Make it accurate. So this is the other thing. So we are still integrating the spectra X, but now we have a Y. The S gives the geometric area for a square, but now we are able to change it from the dimensions of the square to actual a coordinate in the plane here, the Y. We can do one better, and that's where this equation is also gonna come in play again. If I solve this equation for Y, notice that you end up with Y squared is equal to the square root of one minus, sorry, one minus X squared. Then when you take the square root, you're gonna get Y equal to square root of one minus X squared. There is a plus or minus, but we actually, by symmetry, are only working with the right-hand side of this semicircle here. But honestly, it doesn't even matter since I don't even need Y. I actually need Y squared. Y squared equals one minus X squared. So when you put that together, we're gonna get eight times the integral from zero to one. The Y squared becomes a one minus X squared DX, and therefore, this is the integral we're looking for. We don't have to evaluate it. Not that it's too hard to do, but the instructions say we don't have to evaluate it. We get that. Now, of course, if we didn't use the symmetry from beforehand, we would get that the volume is equal to four times the integral from negative one to one of one minus X squared DX. That would also be considered as an acceptable solution.