t he writes about well quite possibly we cannot ignore this however it's important to point out that Matthew did not seem it necessary to record this conversation of John 13 16 in his Gospel account Matthew's Gospel skips from the last supper and the foretelling of G sorry Peter's denial straight to get seminary he did not record Jesus saying if you love me keep my commandments and so Matthew hasn't really set us up for that saying whereas John's Gospel has like all the responsibility has stayed with John to set us up for what Jesus means by this statement because only he makes the effort to record Jesus as saying it some of Matthew Matthew's details lead up to this saying but he doesn't set us up for it deliberately as John does now you might think well yeah but so what if John doesn't mention his gospel it's still mentioned in the other gospels anyway but remember that the Bible didn't just spring up out of thin air with the New Testament as a whole book ready in what go okay different letters were compiled at different times independently by different people in different places and they all gradually had to be joined together so you know we can't really necessarily say that John and Levi were both in lockstep when they wrote their gospel accounts you know they probably very independently written not entirely aware of each other's accounts yet with very different views in mind okay so in conclusion John has not given us the foresight in his own gospel accounts to make a direct connection between the various moral statutes of Jesus and the keeping of his commandments in John 14 he hasn't married those two things up so we must ask ourselves as we try to interpret this should we make a connection between the keeping of the commandments in John 14 and any commandments in the Bible or you know in other words any time the Bible uses the word commandment should we bridge such verses and even though John doesn't make a connection between moral commandments in John 14 15 in foresight do we have it in hindsight should we look at the epistles and see how the disciples pointed back to John 14 15 does Jesus give us any helpful clues in John 13 16 as to what commandments he is even referring to normally if you wanted to know how a word in the Bible is used it does help to go through the concordance and look at it in different contexts like the word repentance for instance the problem is though if we look up every instance of the word commandment make a connection that there will be a few problems by doing this first of all the specific word commandment alone appears more than 160 times in the King James at least and that's that count is not including commanded or command and it's in many different contexts and many of them actually do have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus command because it might be one man commanded another man such and such it's a very generic verb it has lots of different applications where it's used so it's not really salvific terminology like salvation or justification or repentance or faith um there are many other words that are synonymous with the word commandment such as law statute so trying to extend our search to these passages as well that just becomes messy and sends us off in all kinds of different directions really and anytime Jesus tells somebody to do something this is a commandment because that's what the word means even if the Bible doesn't have to use the word for a commandment and finally we know we've already seen in this in the study so far some of Jesus commandments are at this point literally impossible or very specific to certain persons and so unfortunately while looking up the concordance is usually very helpful in defining words or concepts of commandment it's so abundant really though it doesn't really help us define it specifically for John 14 15 we need something more specific so let's review again the the words that Jesus used in the wider conversation and then later we'll pick up on John's writings in the epistles as the closest match to the terminology used in John 14 so in John 14 if you look between verses 21 24 notice the interchangeability between my commandments and my words or my sayings he doesn't use terminology such as my laws or my statutes and it's important he also doesn't mention sin or trespassers as being the context of what he is commanding here okay and herein lies a fundamental problem if the legalists insist that keeping his commandments is all about turning from sin and walking in righteousness and not sinning well then why is sin not mentioned as the immediate context surrounding this statement if you look at the conversation in John 13 16 where is Jesus warning the disciples about falling into the routine sins of the flesh here there are no warnings against alcohol the adultery the fornication the idolatry why isn't Jesus warning his disciples about these things in this chapter if that's what's really meant by it okay and actually pushing on that further where is Jesus even warning about false doctrine see now there is an application to doctrine we will explore that later but it's not immediately obvious though and he will warn them about being persecuted in John 15 by the world that does not know him or the father but we don't really it doesn't really delve into their erroneous teachings or their fables though and where is Jesus warning about loving the things of this world here again no no warning against the love of money or political affairs of the world or being too focused about their worldly reputation again Jesus is not discussing these things in this dialogue he's not using this stuff to surround the context of King Mike commandments now Jesus does mention sin later in chapter 15 and 16 but not in reference to the disciples falling back into sin but rather people who reject Christ now why did they sin well it's because they saw Jesus's works but didn't believe him sins of the flesh are not mentioned here so notice why they those who rejected Christ had sin because it's well it's because they saw Jesus's works and yet still and particularly the Pharisees hated him and sought to kill him without a cause okay so that you know you want to apply that to all sin but there's a very specific reason why they're being condemned by sin okay it's not because of a lack of repentance over those sins being mentioned here and then you fast forward carry on reading and you get down to John 16 in verse 9 that the Holy Spirit will reprove the world of sin and why does he do it well it's because they believe not on me it's not because they won't put down the alcohol or put the pornography on the fire the very reason they're being reproved of sin is for not believing okay that that's the reason why or it's not you know their failure to turn their life around or something like that so borrowing what we have just seen from John 14 sorry if John 15 and 16 helps us to understand with a bit more clarity about John 14 notice some some important things here so number one in John 14 21 we see that loving Jesus is equated with those who keep his commandments now there's a bit of a problem when you say the opposite of loving Jesus because you could say the opposite is not loving Jesus or you could say that the opposite is hating Jesus but they're two very different opposites though and so those who hate Jesus according to John 15 24 it's applied to those who saw Jesus's works and hates him without a cause and earlier verses would suggest that Jesus groups these persecutors as being the world so you know this in this context those who hate Jesus it's not those who believe in Jesus but just won't turn from their habitual sins that's not the context that Jesus gives us Jesus gives us those who hate Jesus without a cause and seek to put into death when they have seen his works those are the types of people that hate Jesus and so those are the types of people in opposition to those who love Jesus okay and there well third point is just that we see that the world at the same types of people who discussed in the latter half of John 15 they will be reproved of sin very specifically for not believing on Jesus it's not that they would believe but wouldn't turn their lives around and clean up their act it's because they didn't believe on Jesus that's why they're being reproved of their sin okay so just to just to help illustrate this with with kind of a chart we have a very specific dichotomy here in John 14 16 on the one hand we have those who love Christ those who love Christ and keep his commandments and on the opposite side we have those who hate Christ which are those who see Christ's works hates him without a cause and do not believe on him okay the idea of if you're trying to fit somewhere in like false believers so-called who sort of believe Christ but won't obey all of his commandments which means to turn from sins apparently well we can't really fit this person in the dichotomy because we don't really have an example in this dialogue of somebody who does believe the gospel but is laden with unrepentant sins now I know some would argue that the early half of John 15 answers that issue but the problem with saying that his sin is still not directly mentioned as the main teaching of keeping his commandments anyhow and it's problematic to say that somebody who does not abide in Christ is counter to believer but that will have to you know John 15 is going to have to wait to the next video unfortunately just because you know there's so much material covered on John 14 in this video so we see the flawed logic here in making keep my commandments all about turning from sin and not falling back into sin and obeying all of these various morals do not do's and do nots when sin is not a fundamental part of this discussion and if we consider the lives and shortcomings of the 11 disciples in the four gospels we see examples of their fiery tempers we see examples of their lack of bravery we see examples of their lack of understanding particularly here in John 13 to 16 we see examples of their weak faith we see examples of their desire to be great and to sit beside Jesus throne we see the examples of their lacking mercy and patience on children and the sick by keeping them away from Jesus we see examples of Peter clinging on to Jesus's physical presence not wanting to let him go to his death on the cross but we don't have examples of the disciples being addicted to much wine or their penchant for prostitutes or kleptomania or murder or envies or you know eating meat sacrifice onto idols and engaging in witchcraft we don't see examples of the disciples struggling with this kind of thing so it doesn't make sense why Jesus would tell the disciples to remain in his love by abstaining from these various sins of the flesh when these not only not being spoken about in this dialogue but they're not what the disciples are obviously in danger of falling into when Jesus was about to go onto his death in the cross his disciples are in danger of falling away from their confidence in him and what he would accomplish being discouraged by his death and not understanding why he must go and do this you know even after his resurrection we have the story of doubting Thomas they're in danger of not being willing to risk the persecution that might overtake them if they preach Christ and this was manifest as they denied and for suck Christ as he was put to death they're in danger of failing to grasp the interchangeable relationship between the Father and the Son and so when you understand all of this it really helps us to understand what is even meant by abiding me in John 15 when we do our next study and in fact many of the things that Jesus is speaking about here to his disciples where they were in danger of these things there were many Jews before them that did stumble on these things many Jews started their initial faith but then did not continue in him because they they lost their first confidence an example for example you could say see the disciples who walk no more with him in John chapter 6 many Jews did not want to face persecution so they either didn't go all the way to believe in Christ or they believe but not did they did not confess in publicly as for example John chapter 12 many Jews did not grasp the relationship between Jesus as the Son and God the Father which Jesus spoke about many times and many Jews did not understand the significance behind Jesus going to his death for example John 822 and so these are the kinds of things where Jesus needs to insist to his disciples that they continue in his love and abiding him because these are ultimately the kind of things where people actually stumbled in regards to their faith in Christ and here's something interesting because remember earlier I posed the question what what does Jesus even mean by commandment well here's something else to notice from our brief look at John 15 notice how Jesus uses the word law and how this can apply to the word commandment so in John 15 25 it says but this comes to pass that the word might be fulfilled that is written in their law they hated me without a course so notice what Jesus does not say he doesn't say it's written in their prophecies or as it is written by the prophets he doesn't say it is written in God's law or it is written in the law instead he says it is written in their law now what Jesus is quoting here is not really a law in the conventional biblical sense of the word saying it it is their law implies that this verse either belongs to them or it is about or towards them not belonging to or speaking to what's Christ and he uses the word law for what is actually prophetic rather than legal which suggests a wider application to the meaning of law and so by extension commandments and a good example of this in our own vernacular is you know a practical example we can see today when thinking of judicial law we think of moral law just as we see in the bible there is a law in place and if you break this law and you can choose to break this law then there is a punishment or a consequence associated with breaking this law right whereas if we think about the laws of physics we don't think of law in this same way the laws of physics are actually unbreakable you cannot choose to create unlimited energy and then suffer the consequences for it the only consequences in physical laws still obey the laws of physics for example you know mix this chemical with that chemical and get a dangerous explosion so although the laws of physics can be used for immoral purposes according to judicial law the laws of physics themselves are not they're morally neutral okay they're not really a matter of right and wrong it's just a matter of that which must be obeyed and come to pass so this is appears to be how we see Jesus using the word law here something that is not a moral command to do this or to do that but rather something is written and must be fulfilled and it can't be broken any more than physical laws otherwise the scripture would be broken so in theory this could apply to commandments now as i mentioned earlier this word appears abundantly in the bible in various forms and most of the time it does mean a directive but there is is an odd occasion where it's actually declarative mostly in the Psalms and i hope not to labour this point you know we don't want to sort of go off on a tangent here but there's just a couple of Psalms that you can see on the screen here where the context is declarative it's not really anything to do with things you must do or right from wrong you know like for example it says your testimonies that you have commanded well a testimony is a witness declaration rather than a commandment in in its original sense and yet it says you have commanded okay and and so on and so on you know when god declared creation there was nothing before creation so there's no direct object of his commandment it's just god spoke and nothing became something essentially he spoke things into existence he commanded and they were created so the point that i'm trying to get across here is that jesus jesus commandments here are not just about thou shalt do's and thou shalt nots it's really every bit if not more so to do with his teachings and his doctrines and other instructions that are not moral issues or fleshly sin issues and we can see that from john 14 itself so for example in verse 21 we see that keeping christ commandments are interchangeable with keeping his words and keeping his sayings he doesn't use the phraseology keeping my laws or keeping my instructions and so his commandments here have everything to do with as much as what he says and the words that he has spoken and so keeping them in that regard is equivalent to holding on to them and remembering them which is exactly what the holy ghost is explained to help them do in verse 26 so you know we flip we flip we go to verses 25 and 26 this is important here because jesus points out that these things jesus has spoken on to them while yet being present and so verse 25 seems to suggest that the commandments here that jesus is talking about are somewhat specific to this conversation and not inclusive of everything he ever said throughout his ministry however eventually the holy spirit will bring all things to remembrance whatsoever christ has said to them and of course the holy spirit will come after jesus when he resurrects and breathes on them and then leaves them okay so for those of you that like visuals here's a visual illustration of how you could interpret verses 25 and 26 so this particular conversation in john 13 to 16 and maybe some of the final things leading up to it before jesus goes to his death on the cross these are the things that i have spoken on to you being yet present with you you know yet because he's almost not going to be once we get after his resurrection christ is no longer present so he sends the holy ghost in his place and he shall teach you all things and bring all things to remembrance whatsoever i've said on to you and obviously that would presumably include things that jesus said to the disciples spanning over several years that at this point they may not remember all of that yet okay so hopefully that's a good illustration that helps you to make sense of what that means so let's review then what jesus has been talking about in this conversation and goes on to say as the context of jesus's commandments is saying his words in other words what are the commandments in this conversation that he's saying the disciples must keep well in the previous chapter in verse 14 the commandment was to wash one another's feet and so notice how this is nothing to do with sins of the flesh and the like and this ties in with verse 34 as well and later then a few verses later in verse 19 he says you may believe that i am he so again what's the commandment believe that i am he nothing to do with sins the flesh of the like this commandment is about solidifying their confidence in their belief in christ and then a few verses later in 34 to 35 that the new commandment that i give on to you is that you love one another as i have loved you and so again there's the commandment now this is arguably a moral command of sorts but it's very specific in scope it's referring to how the disciples treat each other in the absence of christ to unite them and then notice how a particular reason for this commandment is given notice that eternal life is not the stated reason it's that other men shall see you and know that you are my disciples if you love one another that that's the goal of him commanding that okay and then at the beginning of verse one in this chapter john 14 we saw believe also in me there's the commandment nothing to do with sins of the flesh and the like it's about confidence in christ who he is having faith in who he is jump down to verse 11 again what's the commandment believe me the time in the father and the father is in me believe me for the very work sake there's the commandment once again it has to do with their faith in who christ is really in relation to the father not a sin of the flesh issue um you get to verses 13 to 14 again uh it's here's the commandment if you shall ask anything in my name i would sorry i must have forgot to type up the notes for that but i arguably not necessarily a commandment but there there's the commandment if there is anything ask in my name and if you ask in my name i will do it okay so sorry for missing out the description there um john 15 we get to the next chapter we get to verse four what's the commandment abiding me and i knew what does abide me to continue to remain to stay in christ which you know remember this will be important after christ is no longer physically with them they will have to continue in him nonetheless we get to uh chapter 15 verse nine continue in my love there's the commandment something very specific not a sin issue okay and then again he re-emphasizes what he said earlier when he said uh this is my commandment that you love one another well he's already told them to love one another in chapter 13 so he's telling them again verse 17 these things i command you that you love one another so once again repeating a very specific theme here not talking about sins of the flesh and then here's another commandment you shall also bear witness so there's the commandment once again not a sin issue but they will bear witness to the sayings the words and the who Jesus is being of the okay you then go to chapter 16 and you get to verse four what's the commandment you remember that i told you of them again not not a sin issue of the flesh issue they need to remember the things that Jesus has taught and keep his words which the Holy Ghost will remind them to do fast forward to verse 23 again repeat of what we already saw in John 14 here's the commandment ask in my father's name and if you do that he will give it on to you okay nothing to do with sins of the flesh it's an encouragement that they will receive help after Jesus departs from them and then the final commandment then be of good cheer so that's you know an exhortation everything's going to be okay no mention of the sins of the flesh in any of these commandments but is Jesus telling them to do these things yes he is so you you start to see the big problem here because all all the legalists want to make these commandments in this chapter all about sin and how holy you are by your actions when for the most part that appears to have absolutely nothing to do with what Jesus is talking about in this conversation you know Jesus isn't telling his disciples here to abstain from sins of the flesh because that's not where they stumbled he's telling them not to lose heart to no one believe that he's the father and more crucially to love one another okay you know and this is even though Christ is departing from them they need to continue in the faith continue in his love for them ask things in his name so that they may receive those things and the Holy Ghost the Holy Spirit will bring other things to their remembrance so let's try and think of this visually these are the things that I have spoken on to you be yet with you if you love me keep my commandments well in this conversation what has Jesus commanded love one another and wash each other's feet be of good cheer continue in my love and abide in me ask anything in my name and I will do it believe that I am in the father and the father is in me and then the Holy Ghost will bring all things to your remembrance and so you know the Holy Ghost will remind them of all the things that Jesus taught them and they will pass this teaching to us through their epistles and their gospel accounts so you know John is telling us what Jesus told him in this conversation in his gospel he then writes his epistles where he picks up on these same themes Matthew's gospel tells us about some of the other stuff that Jesus said that John didn't tell us Peter's epistle although Peter perhaps doesn't pick up all of the same themes from the gospels we presume that Peter got his teaching from somewhere okay we assume that Jesus probably taught him a lot of the things that he's teaching us in his epistle same thing with James the same thing with Jude okay and so in summary we we now understand a more clear meaning behind if you love me keep my commandments or he who keeps my commandments and words and sayings it is he that loves me you know that's what he's saying to the 11 disciples so what what does he mean by all that well hold on to your faith in Christ be of good cheer believe that he is in the father and the father is in him continue in the love that he has for you don't be afraid of the persecution that will come because you hold on to your faith and preach Christ the Holy Spirit will be sent to come for you hold on to Jesus's words and sayings and the Holy Ghost will bring these words into your remembrance and so obviously the doctrines and Jesus's moral teachings are a part of what Jesus said they are a part of his words so obviously do not discard those words hold on to them and pass them on well the disciples did this because in their epistles they themselves taught moral issues you know they taught don't do this sin don't do that sin walk in this path walk in that path etc you know they preserved Christ's words for us today that we have hundreds of years later love one another just as Christ has loved you when Christ departs and he's not there to lead you anymore you know don't descend into devouring one other and trying to establish your own kingdoms and be the right hand of Jesus to sit by his throne you know love one another as servants all 11 of you you know do not desire personal greatness above the other disciples and so we can then see following all what we've seen we can then see how the disciple John particularly carries this forward into his epistles because he's going to pick up on a lot of the same things that Jesus talked about so you know Jesus said to John in John 13 34 to 35 a new commandment I give on to you that you love one another as I have loved you by this all men shall know that you are my disciples if you love one another that's what Jesus talking to John what does John say to us in his epistles well very similar theme just as Jesus told him to love one another he says to us love one another okay just as Jesus said a new commandment he says he gave us commandment Jesus gave us commandment and that's exactly what happened in John 14 that's in 1 John 3 23 there that I've got that verse from and then you go to 1 John 5 1 and 2 and again repeating a lot of these same themes keep his commandments well one of his key commandments was that love one another and he picks up on this same thing everyone that loves him that begat loves him that is begotten of him if I'm begat of God and you're begat of God we are commanded here to love one another because we are brothers in Christ and just as Jesus said to the disciples by doing this all men shall know that you are my disciples so likewise John says about us collectively by this we know that we love the children of God when we love God okay so here's what it's about it's about knowing what's what's about knowing who's who so notice that the key command here is to love one another and this is as brethren who are children of the same God it's it's not in the context of your neighbor or your fellow citizen as it was in the Old Testament law and this is why you know if you want a reason why Jesus calls it a new commandment quote unquote and so this is how we identify each other as children of God and how men identify the disciples of Christ because this is interchangeable with loving God according to 1 John 5 and notice also that again the reason for loving one another in these verses loving one another is not a commandment to become a child begotten of God because this starts by believing the Christ you know he even says 1 John 5 1 who so ever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God this is his commandment that we should believe on the name of his son Jesus Christ as it says in 1 John 23 so there's the commandment to become a son of God believe on Jesus Christ but loving one another is how the children of God identify each other and how all men identify the disciples of Christ okay so yes there was an immediate context to the disciples themselves but we can apply this to us today as well in a different context so let's again let's use an illustration this is an illustration so that we can see and understand this more clearly the children of God we know that we are okay because God begets this guy God begets that guy God begets that guy and God begets that guy and so that guy loves that guy and that guy loves that guy that guy loves that guy and that guy loves that guy and they love each other and they love each other and so on and so on and so on and so all the men all the world shall know that we are they see this and they know you are my disciples okay this is how we are to be identified that's the purpose of why he's giving this commandment Here is another example of John carrying forward the conversation in John 13-16 into his epistle. So Jesus saying to John, the new commandment, and again we go forward to 2 John 1, not as though I wrote a new commandment but that which we had from the beginning because Jesus gave that from, you know, all the way back from John 13, that we love one another just as Christ told John to do. So is John telling us to do that same thing, okay? And this is love, that we walk after his commandments, this is the commandment that you have heard from the beginning. What have you heard from the beginning? That you should love one another, okay? Now again, another reason, okay? So Jesus said to John, if a man loves me, he will keep my words, okay? We then get to John and what does John say? He says there are many deceivers entered into the world and how are they deceiving? Well they don't confess that Christ has come in the flesh. This is a deceiver, this is an anti-Christ. So this is, although it perhaps doesn't use the word love in that verse, it's obviously sandwiched next to a verse that does. So we've got those who love Christ and the deceivers, the anti-Christ, and what is the problem with the deceivers and the anti-Christ? It's that they don't confess that Jesus has come in the flesh. That's a very, very specific problem. Got nothing to do with people. Well they do confess Christ's sin and he came in the flesh, but they just teach all of these things about sin and carry on sinning. No, that's not the problem here. That's not what John is describing there. And so we then understand what, when Jesus will get to John 15 and when we do a study on this, we'll understand what he means, the word which I have spoken unto you, abide in me and I in you. And so what does John say about that? Whosoever transgresses and abides not in, abides in what? The doctrine of Christ has not God. He that abides in the doctrine of Christ has both the Father and the Son. So how is John, in his second epistle there, defining abiding in Christ? If we're to link that word abiding there, it's the doctrine. It's about who Christ is, not about all the works that you do. It's about who Christ is. So that's what's being discussed here. And again, just as Jesus said to John, by this all men shall know that you are my disciples. If you have love for one another, that was in John 13. John carries a similar thing forward into his. John helps us define this. If anyone comes on to you and does not bring this doctrine and it's about the doctrine, don't receive them into your house. Neither bid him Godspeed. So Jesus told John to love one another. John's telling us not to let somebody in our house and don't bid them Godspeed. That sounds like the opposite of love, but what's the criteria? They don't carry the doctrine. So part of loving one another, then carrying the doctrine. So there's a lot of important contextual information here that John gives us in regards to the kind of things that Jesus was talking about and how John interpreted that. So, you know, we see that there are, in second John 1, 7, there are plural, it says commandments with an S on the end. So there's plural commandments. So there's obviously more than one commandment that we're expected to obey. But one commandment here is being particularly emphasized in the second epistle, at least. And that's to love one another and carry for, you know, remaining the doctrine is another important commandment being emphasized. So, you know, it's either about loving one another or it's about the doctrine. In John's first epistle, it was either about loving one another or it was about believing on the Christ. So, abiding in Christ, obeying His commandments, it all has to do with understanding who Jesus is and continuing in that truth. So the people that say that Christ didn't come in the flesh, they don't carry forward that truth. They don't abide in Christ. They don't remain in Christ in that context, okay? So, you know, we can bridge these two together because what we don't want to do is just arbitrarily pick a passage in the Bible and say, well, that's what Jesus was talking about over there because that's what the work salvation crowd do. But notice how we've got the terminology here, abide just as it says, abide in John 15. We've got commandments. We've got commandment and we've got love one another, love one another. So, you know, all these consistent themes to prove that this passage is related to this passage, we're not just making an arbitrary connection here, okay? So it's quite important then that John ties this in with the doctrine of Christ because John is applying it to who Christ is.  This is all about Jesus. It's about who he is. It's about what he's done. And so when we see, because some people will pluck things out of either the gospel of John or the epistles of John about like, he who does good or he who does righteousness and he cannot sin, they always want to make it about how obedient you're following the moral dos and do nots when actually John himself relates it more to actually who Jesus is rather than how good of a Christian you are. And so, yeah, and so, you know, ending that off then, we have the context of those who we are supposed to love and identify when Christ says love one another as I have loved you. Who is he telling you to love? It's the children of God. You know, you can't just imply it because some people on YouTube get a bit annoyed with people like me and plenty of other people, whether true or false, that if we call somebody else out, if we label somebody else a false prophet and we criticize them and we mark them as I've done with epi, apologetics, I've done with seeking the one saved and he's done the inverse on me as well. You know, they come out with the, well, we're supposed to love one another and this isn't very good for you Christians to be behaving like this, but there is a very specific thing here. I'm supposed to love those who bring the doctrine. Okay, and so if, you know, if Jesus says I should lose nothing regarding those that I've given eternal life to, an epi, apologetics or seeking the one saved says, well, no, actually he will lose some because he lodged Judas or was that effect? Well, they're not abiding in the words that Jesus spoke. They're not abiding in his sayings. And so, they're not the people that Christ is telling me to love one another as I have, you know, loved you, okay. And even when we wind back in John's gospel, and you can also perhaps tie this in with Romans 11 where Paul talks about this, is why did the Jews stumble? Well, ultimately they stumbled on unbelief.  The problem is that the Jews didn't believe on him when that's what they told him to do. And so, you know, they're the kind of people that would say the holy one, the Messiah of Israel, is not coming to flesh. That is an example of the deceiver, the people who don't continue in this doctrine, the kinds of people that John is talking about. Now, following that, some people will ask, and I'm only addressing this because some people might ask this. Okay, well, even though loving one another isn't how I become a child of God, is it how I sustain my relationship as a child of God? And again, this comes from the idea of maintaining salvation, that, you know, faith produces works or something like that. So we have to justify it with obedience, but they have to get around the faith without works versus so that they will say things like, we don't earn salvation, but we keep it or we prove that we really are saved. Normally justifying this from James two or Hebrews 11 or something like that. We can't really delve into the epistles of John too deep because we would digress from studying John 14. And I do intend to eventually address them, but we clearly have the reason given in John 13. It's that all men shall know that you are my disciples. So our love for the brethren makes us known before men, not before God, which is perfectly consistent with James two where he says, what does it profit my brethren? And Romans four, where Paul says, if a man has work, you know, if a man has work, if, sorry, if Abraham had the works, he has glory, but not before God. Well, if it's not before God, who's left? Presumably he means men. And so likewise from John's epistles, we know that we are the children of God. That's the whole point of saying that he doesn't say that it's to sustain your salvation or something like that. So again, it's not about whether one individual Christian is pulling his weight and doing his bit for God. It's about the children of God being able to know and identify each other. And then those outside being able to identify the children of God. Okay, because, you know, if we all devour one another, while we end up with the same mess that Christianity's already in, there's so many different denominations. How is unsaved Joe supposed to even know what's true because there's just so many different things going on out there. And so it's about identifying this unit, this children of God, these people that belong to God. So there is more that I would have liked to say on John 14.  But just because this study has gone on for so long, I'm gonna start wrapping it up so we are coming towards the end. There's just, there is more that I wanted to say about obeying Jesus in this context, but you know, it can wait until we've got to John 15 and 16, which completes this same conversation anyway. So other things I would like to unpack about this conversation that I didn't cover sufficiently in this study, we'll probably need to cover when we get to John 15 and 16. So what do we do with a Christian who is stuck in sins of the flesh? Can they really be categorized as loved Jesus? Do we have examples of people who did not abide in the faith and disobeyed Jesus' commandments? Are conflicting love that Jesus, sorry, that the disciples had for Jesus, which is a conflict between 1428 to 29 and 1627 to 29. Are works of obedience evidence that a person really is saved or loves God? What if we don't love our brethren? You know, what do we do with that kind of a person? And then is there an application to his commandments generally or specifically? So I would have liked to address some of these things, but you know, it's already gone on for so long. And I think we just need to sort of break it up a bit more. So in summary, what does Jesus mean if you love me keep my commandments? So at least based on what we've seen and based on how John seems to define it, what can we understand? Well, in its immediate context, at least, it's got nothing to do with turning from sin. It has to do with the disciples continuing in their initial faith and coming to a full understanding of Jesus' relationship with the Father and following this, loving one another in the absence of the physical presence of Christ and not being afraid of the persecution that may follow. Jesus is giving them an encouragement, not a warning. Okay, even though he's leaving them physically, the Holy Spirit will not leave them comfortless and they ought to love one another as equals and as brethren united around their love for Christ. John's epistles are very consistent showing the same thing that the chief of the commandments are believing on him to be begotten of them, him. And then following this, loving others that are begotten of him and his second epistle ties up abiding in Christ with holding on to the doctrines that he laid. Okay, so that's the end of our study. I hope that this has helped you. Following this study then, I'll be working on material for John 15, particularly about the issue of abide in me and this is normally used to teach conditional security. It may take me a while to write the content just because it's took me a while to do John 14. It's a difficult passage. There's a lot to cover. There's a lot to address and it takes a long time to produce carefully planned content in any case, with a PowerPoint and everything. So like today's study, it will probably be very long with lots to cover. So do keep your eyes peeled for that coming out soon.


Summer break is over for one area college as its students headed back to class for the upcoming 2017-18 school year. Central Lakes College students headed back to school today at both its Brainerd and Staples campus. The school year is the second for CLC president, Harry Charlier, who says that the college has some high standards and goals to meet in 2017, including putting together a new strategic plan. We believe very much in relationship building and this is the college that we want to be the college that cares, the friendly college. So we're going to spend a lot of time building additional relationships both internally and externally. We will be focusing specifically on student success, developing strategies to help students not just come in the door, but also to be successful, meaning complete or transfer. We want to make sure that we have those support services in place so that's a big focus and we'll be conducting an exciting strategic planning session. Fall classes also begin today at Bemidji State University. If you've enjoyed this segment of Lakeland News, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to Lakeland Public Television.


All right, we're gonna talk about one of the most common complaints. I hear from women about men is that their inability to open up Emotionally or worse not even know where they stand in a relationship Now I recognize that you have a lot of frustration when it comes to men and I can go on and on about telling you How men or how little boys are told to stuff their emotions and stuff their feelings and we're taught to Practically repress our feelings and so it makes natural sense that this might be a reason why Most men might seem like they're emotionally unavailable Maybe emotionally constipated or as I said worse, you might not know where you stand in a relationship There's a lot of frustration there at the same time. I want you to know that men are absolutely capable of Feeling their feelings and they're certainly capable of emoting their feelings when the circumstances are right And we're gonna lean into that conversation in a little bit Now I want you to know that some of the Frustrations in relationship is because most couples aren't really connecting at an emotional level They're not connecting at an intimate level because they were never taught how to really connect from a heart-centered place Repeat that most couples haven't really learned how to connect at a heart-centered place I'm talking about that moment when you're just looking in your partner's eyes and you can just Practically see into their soul and I'm not talking about the early stage of dating where you might be experiencing Luster limerence where the chemicals are being released from your brain to your body saying I want this person because that's really Oftentimes the biological chemical drive you might be experiencing. I'm talking about something deeper I'm talking about that space where you really connect at an emotional level where you experience emotional intimacy Why is this important because I said a moment ago most people haven't been educated on this and ladies I know you have a capacity to emote your feelings. I know you have the capacity to talk about your feelings But have you really stepped into real emotional intimacy? What does that feel like? I'm not talking about with a man. I'm talking about within yourself. This is why I continually recommend the book Emotional intimacy by Robert Masters Here is a book to really tap into your Intimate side of who you are because if you want to connect with a man on emotional level if you really want to get him to Open up it requires starting from the inside out And I know you all think you're good at this but I can tell you as a man who's been out in the dating world I've witnessed this over and over again Most women don't really know how to express their feelings in a way that's seen heard and understood That's right. In fact, most women have duct tape over their mouth when they're in a relationship They're afraid to speak their feelings and I want you to hold one second so I can illustrate this point This is how most of you operate in relationship. It's like this It's like this And I'm saying this not to piss you off I'm saying this because you're oftentimes Afraid to speak up because you're afraid that the person is going to end the relationship with you and I'm here to say Here to say if you speak your truth and you do it in a kind place if you speak from your heart and It's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person In fact, that's your place to actually connect at a deeper emotional level This is why I'm so tired of the dating rhetoric That's pits men against women because if you really want to connect at a heart-centered level I highly recommend reading this book. It's called if the Buddha dated the Buddha dated Why is this a great book?  How dating has been throughout whatever long dating has been and by the way dating is a relatively new phenomena You know, it used to be people made it and married in less than two months. Think about that Literally, well, let's go back to caveman days. There was no dating. There was a lot of mating, but there was no dating Okay, and really up until about 50 years ago The the courtship process was literally a nanosecond and people committed to one another and when they committed to one another They felt safe enough to actually lean into Potentially deeper intimacy and I say potentially because the reality is is most humans live life from a survival-based way You know, they made it together because they were in survival mode We are actually in the first time and especially from a woman's perspective where you don't need a man to actually take care of you You have a capacity to take care of yourself So you actually get to choose who your partner is not based on their wallet Although I'm sure you all like somebody with a big wallet. I know I'd like a woman with a big wallet If I'm being candid why I'm saying this is it's it's incumbent to understand that emotional intimacy For men usually stems from a woman connecting with her heart to connect with our heart Repeat that. I mean, I'm really being sincere here when a woman can connect with her part in an empowered way She has a capacity to get a man to open up his heart So in a moment, I'm gonna share with you about a half a dozen ways to connect to a man's heart to get him up Get him to open up emotionally and talk with you So Before I do I want to address something that John Gottman that talks about or the the Gottman's talk about and That is what's known as the four horsemen of the apocalypse and what I mean to say is in relationship these are the four relationship killers and Oftentimes this causes men and women not to open up in relationship and the four horsemen are contempt criticism stonewalling and defensiveness or repeat that contempt criticism stonewalling and defensiveness Defensivism what is it anyway? Why is that important to know? Because oftentimes communication these days comes from a Confrontational way and not a conversational curious place. I want to repeat that This is really important a lot of men and women have combative communication instead of real Heart-centered communication. This is why I continually recommend the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg and why this amazing book because it teaches you how to communicate at a deeper level Coming from your heart and by the way, this should have been titled compassionate communication I really wish that was it but why is it called nonviolent? the violent is because there's either contempt criticism Criticism defensiveness going on and the stonewalling means just cutting off communication Kind of what I experienced growing up with my mom, but that's another conversation So what's it gonna take? What are you gonna have to do to get a man to open up to you emotionally? first is tap into your Emotional heart your emotional center and come at it from a true empowered place This is why I continually recommend the book why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself Yes, and what that means is she's not wearing the duct tape on her mouth She's got that capacity to speak up And we're gonna talk about how to speak up in a way that actually helps you connect with a man at a heart-centered level And I'm gonna recommend one Amazing book that will change your life and if you're in a relationship right now And you really want to connect at a deeper level that I'm definitely recommending that you purchase this book So I'll do that in a moment. So let's pull up my trusty notes there. You can see it bump bump bump All right, I started this conversation with the understanding that this is all about you leading by example leading by example be as open as possible Because your fear of losing a guy is one of the reasons why he's not able to open up because you have walls and Your walls isn't going to make him feel safe to open up So lead by example be open in your heart. What does that look like? That looks like honest Communication that looks like radical honesty. That's compassionate communication all of this work Prepares you for actually being in a in a play a centered space to be able to communicate and lead by example Now does that mean all men are capable of this? No, a lot of men are deeply deeply wounded Most of you know my emotional maturity relationship skills chart. I'm putting this up here By the way, this is not a fact. This is merely opinion 20% of the population men and women like have clinical issues They're real deep-seated clinical issues and why I say 20% are healthy I'm being rather generous with that number most human beings are dysfunctional just like you and just like me It's taken me years to be able to get to a capacity to speak to you in a heart-centered space This took a lot of work, and I'm still radically dysfunctional. That's my girlfriend about it. She calls me complicated, but that's a whole nother conversation Anyway So why am I leaning into this? It starts from within and when you're able to emote in a more heart-centered space you lead by example You come from an open heart it invites him to open up I had a dear friend who was very closed off emotionally and he was in relationship with a woman Who just continually expressed her feelings her desires what she wants and she was extracting it from him And because he genuinely cared about her. He didn't run away. He didn't ghost He didn't disappear. He cared about her if she led by example and gave him an opportunity to express himself And he learned that he has a capacity much greater than he ever had because he was with a woman Who allowed space to open up his feelings? So that's number one number two I want you to practice active listening active listening and Validate what someone says, you know today most people are talking and then they're waiting to talk and then they're talking and that person's waiting To talk they're talking at each other They're not actually listening to one another and active listening is like basically saying You know, I mean it could look like something like this. It could say could be You know, is this what you just told me and you you you literally repeat back what they say as a way to demonstrate That you're actively listening and I got to tell you men and women like are terrible at this That's why I say most humans are dysfunctional and if you want to have that relationship Where you truly connect at a heart-centered level where you can actually I mean just look at your partner's eyes And just feel into their soul It's gonna require doing some work There's gonna be requiring to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and and going to the places I recommend like the Hoffman process or inside or life spring to just name a few places To go back and heal what's blocking so many of you and so many men as well Hey listen, I recognize you know, this might sound like well Jonathan This is going on deaf ears because guys don't do the work. I get it.   You can see at the top of the iceberg is attraction. It says chemistry But below the iceberg is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional, intimate maturity Deep emotional. I mean, here's the bottom line You either want a relationship where you're connecting at a heart-centered level or you want a relationship That's merely for for practical purposes. And by the way, I recognize a lot of people especially during covid Chose relationships out of convenience. They chose relationships because You're able to connect with someone will listen The floodgates are open the masks are off You actually now have an opportunity to really tap into what you want your life And this is why I recommend all these books. This is why I continually scream at the top of my lungs and I want to read you a meme as to illustrate this because Get busy living or get busy dying and and by the way, here's a meme that I love It's called ways to build emotional intimacy I'm going to read it because it's fuzzy right now Do meaningful activities together Be intentional about conversations offer thoughtful gestures provide emotional support share thoughts and feelings practice non-judgment listening apologize when wrong be curious Validate their experiences face conflict with empathy and openness offer non-physical compliments, although we leo's definitely like compliments on our looks practice vulnerability Try something new together be honest and assertive and give space. I love this meme because it's really look it We can have relationships. Like I said before that's convenience. You can spend time with someone where you have companionship connection and sex I'm here to encourage something deeper for every one of you. I'm encouraging you all to really connect at a more heart-centered level So I want to share a few more examples and then we're going to move on to questions So here's another thing Ask questions Ask questions and ask his opinion I've shared this story before and I'm going to share it again. I'll never forget. I was on a second date with a woman I picked her up at her home and And we had already built we'd actually been speaking for quite a while So we built a pretty good friendship with one another by the time I picked her up at her met her at her home She showed me around her place gorgeous home. She was doing remodeling and she wanted to show me some tiles that Um, she was thinking about putting in her kitchen And she said Jonathan, I'd like to get your opinion on these tiles. What do you think would look good? Now whether she was going to listen to my advice or not I felt so respected in that moment. She said I want to know your opinion I want to know what you're thinking. I want to know how you feel about this That's a that that that was like you know, like the peacock feathers puffed up, you know And men appreciate when you ask their opinion. They have actually appreciate you asking questions For men that actually want to go deeper into relationship. Look, I get it You can meet a lot of guys that are you know, stonewalling you I get it But you won't by the way, one of the things I teach in my private coaching And by the way, there's a link below in the description to get a free discovery call with me Is teaching you radical honesty to vet for the emotionally mature men who are capable of going deeper Versus the ones or not. So if you want some support with that, that's my area of expertise So you're not wasting time months years With the wrong guy, let's focus on how to pick the right guy very early on So again, check out the link below Again, ask questions ask his opinion Number four, this is when I made up because I noticed something earlier today with my girlfriend We're driving in the car. We're just talking with to one another and I just realized how much I enjoy that Conversation in the car, you know oftentimes we're so hung up on spending our relationship time on these devices And just that simple talking the car felt intimate And I'm just inviting you to start thinking of new different ways to connect with your partner And this is why I said I want to share another book with you before I give you the last Two suggestions or the last three suggestions before we move on This is an amazing book. It's called I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships This book will teach you the communication skills This is all designed to teach you the communication skills so you can actually help a man The man and man you're with is a moat his emotions and let me just say this men are absolutely capable of this I'm I'm matter of fact. I was at the jacuzzi the other night. I was talking to a young couple And what fascinated me, uh, his girlfriend is from, uh, I think the ukraine or something like that And and I asked a question about who's the emotional one in the relationship and she pointed at him Like there are men capable. I mean they're and there are men already doing it I just want to help you find those guys Okay, but also I'm giving you the tips to make it happen right from the get-go. So check out this book. I hear you It's an extraordinary book to really help you both connect at a heart-centered level Okay, number five learn his love language If you're not familiar with the book the five love languages by gary chapman. I highly recommend reading that book Words of affirmation and once again, if you're with a layout, it's words of adoration. Okay Physical touch quality time access service and gifts learn this book It is going to help you really connect at an emotional level with your guy When you understand his love language, you'll understand how he's communicating with you And you can simply start to express or emote what your love language is Because when you understand your partner's love language, you're now connecting at a more heart-centered level And the last two this is my second the last one. It's my favorite. I call it the art of hanging out You know oftentimes the dating process is all this parade of taking out to dinners and do stuff But I gotta tell you something One of the best things to do with someone is just to hang out and just connect Just communicate with one another you talk It's not about talking about your day. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. You talk about your feelings. How are you feeling about this relationship?  I'm telling you That's what you want to do because you want to weed out the wrong guys quickly I know that might seem counter-intuitive, but these days we have to be more strategic more intentional This is why it's called radical honesty Because it's starting from here from the heart and just laying your cards on the table with someone Look, you're not going to do this on the first date I'm saying when you guys are horny enough to have sex with one another That's the time to instigate radical honesty And certainly that's the time to instigate my dating vows, which I'll have the dating vows will be listed in the description below And number seven and lastly the most important way to help a man connect with his heart Is gratitude is gratitude Attention affection appreciation acceptance being in a state of gratitude with your partner when you can actually And when I say partner a man you're dating to as well is being that space and by the way I I don't like the words. Thank you You know why because we say thank you to the grocery store clerk. We say thank you to random people I prefer using the word grateful And appreciation You know, I really appreciated that you went down and got me the orange juice at the store I really appreciated that you took time To get me something whatever it is Just say the words appreciation. That's a powerful word And more importantly and I cannot stress this enough is to learn to express gratitude with one another begin a practice Of simply saying three or four things that you're grateful for about your partner invite them to do the same Look, I know you're going to feel like you're going to get resistance.  I don't mean in an unkind loving way I'm talking about squeezing it out of him by leading by example as I stated in the beginning of this conversation Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know Ah All right I laid my cards on the table I'd like to hear yours. Okay So, uh, this wraps up the content portion of this video now We're going to move to q&a and those who know my q&a structure It's really simple if you have a question to ask of me simply write the word question Then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat or super thanks goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley That's him with his With my mom. They're both in heaven right now um The scholarship fund is in in in his name is to help Uh causes like the Hoffman process and insight seminars and though and to defray the cost of personal development work for those in need So I'm definitely I definitely would appreciate if you would support the cause by purchasing a super sticker or super chat All right. We're time to ask questions. Let's see what we've got here Hmm All right, marda see question I found my guy a month ago and i'm surprised how many triggers are coming to the surface Are you experiencing that in your new relationship? Actually, I had an interesting trigger today. What happened? Uh God what happened? There was something when I was getting out of the car It was a simple thing. I can't remember was so I'm going to say to you I'm going to answer the question this way I don't think I've ever felt Connection like this before I really I know for a fact. I've never felt connection like this before I've never experienced A relationship where I really just I I just dig this person I mean my I just want to pour my heart out in this person and and more importantly is I can feel it from her and I will say recently I got scared because my So there's a picture of my mom and dad And um My mom did her best to be a good mom and she was a very loving mom and at the same time She had a capacity to give love and pull it away and give love and pull it away and give love and pull it away I mean literally I I want you to imagine this growing up as a child habitually having love taken away given love taken away And after a while I didn't realize I couldn't trust love So here I'm experiencing someone who's absolutely pouring her heart to me in this kind loving way Not so much in her words. It's just her presence And her words but this there's just this energetic presence and it freaked me out Because for a moment I was afraid she'll pull it away just like my mom did and And I shared that with her And those are uncomfortable things to share and I I'm not suggesting it was a trigger per se it was a trigger in the sense of You know, we often many of us have experienced the same thing And what I appreciate most is we've already began a relationship of radical honesty We began a relationship of laying our cards on the table That's one of the benefits of long distance relationship Now in our particular case, we are spending a significant amount of time together Because we we're blessed. We have a flexible lifestyle with one another Our dynamic fits really well together but coming back to your question about trigger Yeah, I've had multiple triggers And you know what I've shared it with her so Here's what I invite you to do When you get triggered with a man Share the trigger with your guy Share what's coming up for you now more importantly.  Okay And I've spent I've spent a lot of hours finding out where all my triggers began And so when I could share it with her it wasn't pointing the finger at her Not that there was anything to point by the way I'm just sharing what came up. So here's an opportunity when you share from a heart center place with a man It's actually an invitation for deeper intimacy. What is intimacy into me? You see And if you want that deeper connection, it's going to require opening up And men aren't really good at this. I just happen to practice this shit Okay, I'm a unicorn in that way and there are plenty of men who are absolutely capable of leaning into their emotions and their feelings I mean this sincerely Most men are good guys They just need a little help along the way. Now, is it going to work on every man? No But you certainly start with somebody. That's my invitation for you. Thank you so much for that question I really appreciate it All right, I noticed a super sticker Hey roller girl. Thank you for the connor club. I really appreciate that All right, let's go swim and let's go swim and let's see Or is it just keep swimming Question do you think you are complicated? If so, why Kimberly you crack me up so I'm complicated because I process everything.  I drive myself nuts I absolutely drive myself nuts. So it's no wonder You know, I'll share with you my girlfriend said to me early on you're exhausting. You try to figure out every nook and cranny But the same time I think just like Sally and when harry met Sally, she was neurotic But you know at the end of the movie says I love it that it took it takes you an hour and a half to order a ham sandwich I love it that you think 71 degrees is cold. I love it that you're the first person I I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last person I go to bed He fell in love with their neuroses and my hope is just like I'm learning to appreciate some of hers Is that she appreciates it because it's also it's not a character flaw It created the opportunity to create deeper intimacy with one another She also says she likes my woowness. So Which I really appreciate All right, Kimberly. Thanks for that sweet question. I appreciate it Oh my gosh, it's all about my relationship today. Jonathan. How's your relationship going? I live vicariously through you You know guys or ladies I should say you know I think I really believe it's rare that two souls connect With such open hearts And what I appreciate most about her and I'm sharing this with you. Everyone is Her heart is wide open She's just easy and chill So many of us have had walls up we've had been guarded after because of pain after pain after pain That's difficult. It's I want you to think about this How do you connect with someone's heart if you're wearing armor? And I understand why the armor is there in fact You all know I lost a child When I lost Connor that broke my heart open because I had a choice I could grieve with suffering or I could grieve with love I said I had this choice because I wanted to make that choice because I know that's what he'd want for me And so the armor began little by little dissipating. This is why listen. I recommend my book I know it sounds like a sales pitch But I recommend my book because it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work It's the journey. I got to a place where I could open my heart up And so when I was feeling this a little bit of fear and resistance for a moment, it didn't it doesn't keep me stuck And yet so many men and so many women are carrying so much pain And I invite you to let it all go Just like my copy mug says sometimes you're awesome. Sometimes you forget you're awesome. This is your reminder Get busy letting go of the armor because it doesn't serve you look at If our relationship implodes All right, so it happens I mean, yeah, that's that might happen But you know what does what happens more often that the armor keeps two people from actually connecting at a heart-centered level And I will tell you this ladies I didn't get to where I was at because a man or my father or anyone helped me It took women a woman and women to help me get to in this place Because a man Listen, we men are very competitive with one another. We're oftentimes like this when we're communicating with one another It takes a woman to pierce a man's veil And you have this beautiful capacity to help us feel nurtured and trusted and safe Excuse me nurtured and safe because ultimately a man's capacity to open up his heart Because he trusts you Not trust in the fidelity sense trust in the sense that you both are feeling that sense of this person has my best interest at heart And I can share with you because this was asked that's how i'm feeling in this relationship It's like her best interests are in my best interests when she's when I can help her in any capacity I can it helps me And that's my invitation for you all is to let go of the armor to let go of it all Because what do you got to lose? Do you want keeping the armor? What's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? All right. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate it friend of all right Oh, we got another super sticker. I want to acknowledge uh, cecilia I'm grateful to be with you tonight. Thank you so much blessings to you. I really appreciate that big hugs to you All right, let's keep swimming. Oh my gosh. We have lots of questions. I'm not gonna be able to get to all of this um Cecilia says how do you stay in high energy enlightenment peace love while you are empathizing in a relationship anger fear and shame That's a good one. How did I choose? to grieve With love instead of suffering. How did I choose to do that? I think my motivator was That's what connor would want me to do He would want me to live my life to the fullest So he's my carrot. Okay He's my carrot It's not easy In fact, a couple days is going to be the anniversary his four-year anniversary of passing. That's not going to be easy for me But I know that's what he wants for me And so I invite you all To find that carrot to make that choice because you can choose a you can choose the red pill or the blue pill You could choose pain or suffering or you can make the choice to love because a true miracle in life Is the choice to choose love love for yourself love for others It really I you know, it really can be that simple The walls and armor isn't going to allow that through an open heart As my friend allen says be totally open I know that's scary, but believe it or not when you're totally open. That's when it happens I'm serious. I know that goes counter-intuitive. You think you know, it's like he must climb to the tallest tower in the You know like men have to climb and but no when you're just totally open You create a space for him to be open as well It's not going to work with every guy. I get it That's why you have to hire me to figure out the ones that are worthy of you That's my job. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me Reading all these books are great resources to get you totally open going to workshops going to the Hoffman process Going to insight going to life spring Go to Rhythmia in Costa Rica and do ayahuasca Go to a divorce There's this one lady. Oh, she teaches in Thailand. I know that's way out of your geographic zone But there are so many places you can go to to break open your heart if you can't do it the way I did it And that's my invitation for you Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate I hope I answered your question folks You know me I go off on tangents and I rattle up stuff. So thank you so much um Haley says Question do you feel people are more wait? Do you feel people are way more open nowadays compared to our parents?  This is when they're in their 20. This was back in 1950 ish I mean The the couples back then was survival based relationships. I mean they began we are now look at Our big issue here in the united states and maybe across the world is we have a humongous mental health problem Most humans are suffering from I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable This is why you got to get my book. Okay, but We have an opportunity now to really work on our emotional side Really, we have this opportunity Every one of you and let me tell you something What attracted me to her? One is she shared with me she did a lot of work I really respect that I really appreciate that because I felt like it was a preparation for us as well but more importantly She didn't have walls or armor based on You know feeling jaded or bitter about her last relationships That's the number one reason why I'm gonna say I think that could be the number one reason why a lot of women don't attract the men that they want I've gone on dates and I mean I've gone on so many dates with women that literally I'm sitting across from them at the table. I can see every man that hurt them standing behind metaphorically speaking So I invite you to ask yourself these three questions about every one of your past relationships ask yourself What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? Who was good about this relationship? And what am I most grateful for this is an antidote to letting go Letting down the armor to letting down the bitterness the jadedness that so many people have experienced And it's no wonder because unlike my mom and dad my mom had sex with one man in her life Okay, these days we've had multiple relationships could have multiple sexual partners as well I don't know if humans were designed for that. I don't know.   It's not working on them and it's not pointing the finger at them and telling them what's wrong about them What's really the opportunity to lean into yourself and say how can I be a better person? How can I improve myself? And that's my invitation for all of you So going back to your question, which I forgot what it was excuse me Uh, yes, I think people are way more open than before. I look at my son. Where's calling there's calling There's a young man. He's younger there, but he's 26 years old. I can't tell you What an amazing human being this person is because he has a capacity He has he has an open heart like I like I've never seen it in an individual I'm not saying that because he's my son. It's because he genuinely I don't know what his mom did right I don't know if I did it, but whatever his mom did right. He's got this big gigantic open heart Men have this capacity more than ever before my girlfriend shares about her boys I mean, they have this amazing capacity to love these men exist. I want you to know that I want to invite you to start saying it's raining great men It's greening right main raining great man Dear god universe spirit I invite in a partner that I can connect with on an emotional level that we have amazing Communication with one another and our banter can go on for hours and hours at a time And that we can blend lives together And we can with that we share the same values and that will build the deep roots of trust Through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life And lastly intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that helps us bond together I invite that into my life right now and that is my invitation for you all Is to set that prayer and to let go down the walls to invite in a partner in your life Because the walls are not allowing him to connect with your heart and therefore you won't be able to connect with his heart Thank you so much All right, we have another five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much. Pam. I appreciate that Oh my gosh, let's go swim in. Oh, we're gonna Gotta give our props to pam. Thank you so much Again, if you want to support the conor house a scholarship fund purchase a super stick or super chat It's the dollar sign below by the way folks is this resonating with you what i'm saying is this Are you connecting with this? Does this here does this sound like a watt watt watt watt watt or is this are you going to make a shift in your life? Because that's my invitation for you all Ah, so thank you All right Let's see what we got here. Oh monarch beat says It's raining great men exactly All right question from michelle. How do you make an attached? Avoidant open up emotionally Listen, if you're not familiar with the book attached by amir labine and rachel heller I highly recommend reading this book. This book has so many So many Uh tools god, it took me a second to come up with that word the tools to actually help you Communicate better with your partner and then there's another amazing book by barba de angeles called how to make love all the time Oh my god. This is a great book to help an emotionally Avoidant man Actually start leaning into his heart again I invite you to read this and learn this so you can actually be better school So when you're facing these situations, you know exactly how to navigate it because Here's the bottom line with guys Men will never admit this They really just want to be loved They want to be accepted for who they are. They want to be loved for who they are We live in a society.  My dad did their her best but My mom's capacity was give love take it away give love take it away give love take it away She didn't do that intentionally And it's scary for us guys to lean into this and yet the same time There are beautiful men out there that want to open up their hearts And i'm just simply inviting you to let down the armor the wall So you can open your heart to deeper love because let me just say this And I say this now with a tiny bit of knowing I've had relationships before My relationships were very much traditional My marriage was traditional because I was told to Go to college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family. That was the programming And that relationship didn't work out my next relationship I'm an anxious attachment style and I was ridiculously dysfunctional. What did I choose an avoidant attachment style? I put this person up on a pedestal, but I was attached not from a from a from a place of empowerment The real journey here to connect with someone starts with individual empowerment. That's why I spent the last five years Learning to be in a position so I could be here right now to step into something that I didn't know existed I'm a 50 plus year old guy that didn't know what it meant to really love someone at a heart centered level And i'm just beginning to experience this now Most of us haven't most have us had superficial relationships and I didn't get here by The definition of insanity meaning doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results I had to start from the inside out and that's my invitation for every one of you. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, we're gonna take one or two more questions before we wrap up Jennifer asked do you think we're you're you and your girlfriend are twin flames?   I'm like, yeah, I'm like that and it's like I feel like there's just such alignment That's why listen. There's a book You may not like the website e harmony, but the guy who started e harmony wrote a book called two dates or less He talks about when when two people are aligned in the 25 areas of alignment He talks about you literally are so aligned with one another that it is practically easy This is why when I teach you my private coaching I teach you a skill called a radical honesty pre qualifying your prospect meaning Your job is your job is to figure out is this guy worthy of your vagina And do this before you most of you wait months hoping that he's going to take the lead and i'm here to say You are in charge of your relationship destiny. Don't give it up to a guy Figure out alignment because I don't know if we're twin flames, but I I feel like we must I really believe it by the way If you don't if you have netflix watch black mirror season four An episode called hang the dj can someone write that in the chat box netflix black mirror Season four hang the dj If you want to get a sense of what I think our relationship is like it's that Now listen You guys all know i'm in la la land right now. I'm tom cruise dancing on the on the couch with oprah here But I don't say this cavalierly look i've had plenty of lust and limerence in my life limerence is extreme infatuation And certainly i've lusted for women. This is not that This is genuine heart connection And so That is why I believe that there is a soul connection between us and I do believe they exist So watch that episode can someone write that in the chat again netflix black mirror season four hang the dj All right, you know what folks? I think this will be a great place to wrap up I've shared a lot of personal things. I wasn't expecting to right now. Cecilia says this is a great video jonathan I'm adding it to my playlist. Thank you so much I'm hoping I'm hoping I've inspired you to shift the narrative Because most guys They deeply want to open up to emotional intimacy. They want their little kid loved It's hard for us to do it on our own And that's why I invite you to read these books to do the work try some of the examples I shared here in the beginning of this video because you might be surprised you might have a diamond in the rough right now And all it takes is a little bit of squeezing if you will that's how a diamond is made And who knows you might find that you have a great guy with your with you right now Or you can be prepared now for when you do meet a great guy to actually live a more empowered Joyful happy relationship with someone and that's my invitation for everyone All right, folks. I think this would be a great place to wrap up this video Again, don't forget to purchase the super sticker super chat or super.  I'm going to reach into the camera Oh my god You saw my pit stains reach in the camera and give my give you a big gigantic hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank roller girl and susan and celia and jamie and uh, brenda And uh, oh god, I can't even pronounce your name ricka and hailey and venessa and claire Thank you all so much wishing you a super duper fabulous evening. Bye now


Yeah, thanks to Heather for asking me the question about herding content ideas like herding cats. They're just they come in random times and how do you then take all those random ideas and actually turn them into content like blog posts videos and things like that and I'll just quickly summarize my content workflow and if you have questions you can chat below and most of you are seeing this in the authentic content flow course. So we will go much more in depth into all these content workflow things but here's the summary of how I do it. The first thing I do is when ideas come to me. And I'm going to show you on screen. The first thing I do is to capture them into my to do list category called video ideas and why do I call it video ideas and not you know blog post ideas well it's kind of a remnant of the time where I could not write I was so blocked for most of my life with writing that I hated writing and what I could do though is I could talk about things on video like I practice practice practice practice so much to finally get not shy on video and I was able to still do that better than I could do writing so anyway that's why video for me originally was the first place that content happened. Nowadays, I've gotten practice practice practice practice, I now no longer mind writing as much so I actually write now before I do make videos doesn't matter. Long story short, some of you might want to do videos for some of you might want to write first. The point I'm trying to make here is have a place to capture your ideas as they come to you. Now you might say George I'm in the shower and I use Aqua notes which is a waterproof paper notepad in the shower and I write down my ideas there great. George I'm walking my dog, and I, you know, record a little idea on my voice memo. Great, you have all these different places but at the end of the day, literally at the end of the day or the end of the next day. I call it capture categorized calendar right like, like all your random ideas blog post Aqua notes voice memos posted notes should should be you should have a regular time I should but I find it really helpful to have a regular time like at the end of each work day to put those ideas into a single place like this video ideas like I like like I'm showing you here. Okay, so that's step one is well step one is to capture them wherever you are with whatever tool. Step two is to have a regular time on your calendar that you get disciplined about where you corral those ideas into one place, so that it's not all over the place it's like okay I have one. Step three is to then ask yourself, where do I take. Well, I'll talk where do I take these things now and put it into my content creation workflow. For me, the workflow goes like this I actually go to Twitter, and I take my content ideas. Basically, once a day, once during you know once, usually once a day sometimes I do several several tweets in one day and then I take a break for two or three days, or four days, but I try to do it once every work day. I will come into one of my content ideas. And, for example, you know, let's say I'm doing this, and, and then I will go to Twitter, and I will tweet out my idea I'll just start just start tweeting out.  Is I believe I have the right perspective about how to use Twitter.  Right. If you have less than, you know 100,000 people on Twitter you have a small audience on Twitter right so for small is people think, ah, Twitter is a content promotion. No, Coach is not a content. Twitter is a public journaling tool. Twitter is a tool for, hey, what if I have an idea and I don't want someone in the future to go? You took my idea. No, I didn't. I tweeted this out in January of 2023. You came out with your book in February of 2025, but I already tweeted it.  I'm just saying that don't sue me because I already had to say. So I use Twitter as a timestamp for the public that I have this idea. I'm not, I'm never gonna, I don't care about copyright. As you might know, if you follow my stuff, I have everything that's un-copyrighted. I don't care about suing anybody or telling anybody cease and desist. I don't want people suing me and telling me cease and desist because look, I came up with the idea three, five, 10 years ago. You could see the Twitter timestamp is true.  So, some public journaling, Twitter, great, great for it. And so I try to show up once a day on Twitter or once every several days, several tweets to like, here's an idea. So that's how I take my wrangled ideas and my video ideas to-do list into my Twitter. And then every Friday where I'll summarize it, just pretend that I only create content on Fridays. I actually create content a little bit on other days. But let's just say I create content on Fridays. I write a blog post and I make a Facebook live on Fridays. Okay, so when it comes Friday for me to time to write the blog post and make the video, I go to my Twitter, right? I go to my Twitter threads and here's what I do. I go to my Twitter threads and basically scroll down and I go, hmm, which one has the most likes? Oh, this one has the most likes, 11 likes, right? This one only has two likes. This one has zero likes, zero likes. This one has 11 likes. So I'm gonna go ahead and make a blog post slash video about this. Now, I've already replied to myself several times. It was a Twitter thread, so that I have additional ideas that this all goes into a single blog post slash video. Does that make sense? So that's my workflow. And so I take it from the shower to-do list. My video ideas to-do list, those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, my video ideas category is using the software called to-do list. You know, it's one of my projects in video ideas or blog post ideas. So I take from shower to to-do list, wrangle them here to when I go to Twitter once a day, I look down whatever I feel energized by. So that's the thing. I get to be like a hippie, right? I get to play with whatever feels good. Every day when I go to Twitter, I go, I'm gonna scroll down my video ideas. What feels good today? What feels energizing to me today? What am I passionate about today to tweet about? So I'm gonna go ahead and tweet about that. Okay, and once I'm done, of course I click the checkbox and it disappears from here. So I take it from that to here to Twitter and then eventually from Twitter, Twitter tells me what is getting the most likes. If you have a small audience on Twitter and you don't get any likes, then you just pick, you get to pick whatever you feel like picking from Twitter. But Twitter is for me a way to like, just publicly journal my ideas. It could be totally a mess. I don't care. Twitter, I don't care if it's a mess because so few people read my tweets anyway. But at least it's there as a public journal and then I take it to blog posts, Facebook video, Instagram live, et cetera. So I hope that's helpful to kind of see my workflow and then now it's your turn to create your own workflow for how you want to take your random ideas and turn them into writings and or videos. And one more thing I'll say about my workflow. After I've made my videos, I let my videos go for several weeks to see which of my videos do well. And then once a month, I will take a look at my videos in the past month and which ones did well. The best performing videos, I then take the video and upload it as a podcast because my podcast platform, which is Captivate, can take my YouTube file video, I download from my own YouTube video, I download it and I upload it directly to my Captivate and it transforms it into audio. And I'm very smart to be able to do that. So that's my entire flow. Now I have writings, videos, podcasts, of course also tweets. And so that's how it works. And eventually several weeks later, I look back at which of my writings did well and I transform them into Instagram carousel posts. That's another part of my content workflow. So hope that helps.