I didn't do anything. Why is it always my fault? Did you quit? No. Is that what happened? No. You always quit. Don't care. Where do you think you're going?


Given that men have sex on the brain, and sex is part of the decision-making process when it comes to committing in a relationship, I thought I would jump into the arena and have this conversation for everyone. Given that in my video yesterday, my live stream yesterday, the comment came up about men and erectile dysfunction and their inability to have sex. And I was incredibly disappointed at how many women were throwing men under the bus when it came to this conversation. So I wanted to jump in and talk about this. Now, what I'm gonna talk about comes from the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, not the three secrets men obsess about. And we will talk about what men consider great sex, but we're gonna talk about this particular book. Eight Dates is a great book to get some assembly and some awareness of what the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship looks like. And this book has already put together a lot of questions you may want to consider either prior to dating someone or during dating someone, or if you're in a relationship with someone, I highly recommend reading this. But I wanna read the chapter on sex. It's the last two pages in this book. And it says, romantic intimate rituals for connection to keep a relationship happy and passionate. Given that the most common reason for divorce, I think the number one reason is a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. I think money problems, money issues are number two. So if we know this going in, if we know that sex is one of the reasons why people get divorced, then why would we go into the dating environment not having some greater awareness around this subject and having more consciousness around this? You know, isn't it fascinating that roughly 50% of all first marriages fail here in the United States and something like 65 to 75% of second and third marriages fail? So wouldn't you wanna know why things fail and be prepared ahead of time? But no, Jonathan, I'm just supposed to be clueless because magic fairy dust of love solves all the problems because love, you know, with love, we can just solve every single problem. By the way, that narrative, that myth is the reason why many of you are still single. So as I read on, this was fascinating to me. It says couples who can talk openly about sex have more sex and women have more orgasm. So for the men listening here, having deeper conversations about sex, having more intimate conversation about sex actually opens up your partner to have better orgasms. For the men listening, you should be reading this and for the women listening to this, you should incorporate these conversations in the early stages of getting to know someone. Talking about sex is difficult for the majority of couples, but it gets easier and more comfortable over time and the more you do it.  It requires being authentic and it requires being transparent. And for many of you, that's the scariest thing on the planet. For many of you, it's because you're lacking a sense of self-love because when you genuinely feel, when you genuinely love yourself and you feel empowered, you're more apt to dive deeper into intimacy. And if you haven't done the work, I talk about the book, The Hoffman Process. This is a great book to do a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas so you can actually lean into this conversation a bit more intently, okay? Does this make sense, everyone? By the way, somebody said they're having a problem with the audio, so I'm just gonna check the audio real quick and it looks like on my end it's working.  Okay, let's keep going with this book. The best time to talk about sex is not when you're making love but outside the bedroom. I mean, kind of obvious, right? Tell your partner what you like and what feels good, not what they're doing wrong. Let me repeat that, tell your partner what you like and what feels good, not telling them what they're wrong. 80% of married couples have sex a few times a month or more, whatever frequency is comfortable or two of you is normal. Married couples have more sex than couples who are dating or living together. Now that one I'm not sure I agree with, okay? I think the Gottmans might be a little bit too old. We need a younger version of this but I just don't believe that to be the case but I could be wrong. The top sex and passion killers in relationship, lack of physical affection, flirting, intimate connection apart from sex, having a to-do list that was undone. This is where women, if you guys have a to-do list that's a killer to sex. Emotional distance and intense conflict are passion killers. Lack of safety, either emotional or physical, exhausted and stressed out, feeling unappreciated. Okay, this is from the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. So I wanna address the elephant in the room for those of us in midlife, okay? This is the elephant in the room, okay? A lot of men are crappy lovers. There, I said it, a lot of men are crappy lovers. A lot of men are selfish lovers.  And of course, ED issues as we age, okay? So in my video the other day, oh my God, you women were throwing men under the bus. Like how dare he need a blue pill? If I can't excite him enough, then he doesn't deserve me.  By the way, ladies, you take estrogen, you take lube. So any judgment because men need, and by the way, I use a blue pill, I'm owning it. I wished I didn't have to. I really wished I didn't have to. My body isn't what it was like in our 20s and neither are yours. So this judge, and by the way, ladies, you need lube. Some of you women just lay there.  And God forbid masturbation for both men and women. You know, when you masturbate too much, it's difficult to be aroused when you're actually in an intimate relationship. So I'm here to say, folks, we reason why I'm doing this video is I was so sorely disappointed, so disappointed at the judgment regarding men. Folks, let me just tell you judgment is the relationship killer of, let me reframe that. For those of you who are single who want a juicy, delicious, happy relationship, it's a relationship killer. It will ruin any chances for a relationship. It's imperative that we humans let go of our judgments around the opposite sex. We let go of that anger, that resentment, that bitterness and jadedness. And look, most, listen, I said it, most men are crappy lovers, but it doesn't make you guys any better at it either.  So this is where it's time to grow up, particularly in the sex conversation.  Creating an awesome sex life together is imperative. And by the way, men need to be equally invested as you women need to be equally invested. It's not a lopsided teeter-totter, okay? I'm here to say a healthy relationship is when two people begin to have more difficult conversations. If you haven't read the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. Why? Because many of you don't really know what true emotional intimacy is. Listen, ladies, you guys think just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're experts at expressing yourself. And by the way, we already know men are crappy at expressing their feelings. Why do you think there are more titles on YouTube about emotionally unavailable men or as my friend Elisa called it, emotionally constipated men? So I'm here to say, if you really want a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, then we have to, you gotta let go of this, okay? The duct tape over your mouth. The duct tape, that makes you afraid to speak up. I'm here to encourage you. And just like our guest the other day that came on in the video yesterday where she said, Jonathan speaking up has changed everything for me. Folks, in my book, by the way, there's a cop. You can get a copy of the book, all the books I recommend. In my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. Chapter one is Speak Your Truth. Just do it in a kind way. See, most humans don't know how to articulate themselves. And it's one of the reasons why I habitually recommend this book, Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, okay?  I get that. But listen, if we don't have these conversations, how are you ever going to grow in your relationship given that there's a good chance it will fail because physical and emotional intimacy is the primary reason why relationships fail. They don't build a strong enough heart connection with their partner, which actually makes for better sex. Okay, the title of this is Three Secrets Men Obsess Over. Look it, this is just off the fly. I came up with these three things. Maybe these are three things Jonathan likes, but I'm just gonna share it with you. But that's not the point. The real point that I wanna make here. It doesn't matter what he obsesses over or what you obsess over. What matters most, what matters most is having conversations. Okay, these three secrets don't matter as much as having deeper conversations. Find out what each other wants in the bedroom and make time to explore what each other wants. But if you're operating from a place of fear talking about this, then your chances for a relationship success drop dramatically. And you have a 75% failure rate for those of us at midlife. So let's put the odds in your favor by having deeper conversations sooner rather than later. Okay, the three secrets men obsess over, number one, most men want sex at their timetable. Let's face it, it's true. Men wanna have sex when men don't wanna have sex, okay? You ladies know that and believe me, we don't like it when it's on your timetable, we want it on our timetable. It doesn't make it right, it's just what we obsess about.  One of the people that was commenting just said, what do you think about tantra? I'll get to that in a moment, okay? Number two, most men, most men, and I said everything is a little bit, I'm saying most men here. I can't say it for all men, I can't generalize, but to the extent that every man feels this way, but most men wanna blow job to completion, okay? Now I know some of you are going, but Jonathan, he doesn't ejaculate, I get it.  You know, I think masturbation for both men and women has made it incredibly difficult to actually orgasm with a partner. I think, and let's include pornography in that too.  These are some of the challenges we're faced with. I think people should be cold turkey on vibrators and masturbating when they're in a relationship, if they're having regular sex, so you can become accustomed to each other's body. I'm not an expert here, maybe I'll have a sex expert on some time. These are just my observations. I can't say that I'm speaking from any authority here, just purely my anecdotal observations on this subject, okay?  Let's face it, we're selfish beings, particularly when you're receiving oral sex, because it's the one time you can absolutely surrender. And it really sucks when it doesn't end in baboom or fireworks or whatnot, okay? And by the way, I get it for a lot of you women, you could be going down at it for an hour and still not get them off, I get that, okay? And number three, secrets men obsess over. Most men want to know they pleased you. Let's face it, we have our ego involved in here. Now I know a lot of men only care about their ejaculation, so I get how frustrating it is for many of you. But for the most part, most men have an ego and we want to know you orgasm.  I really do believe, I know, listen, the movie men Harry Met Sally when she does the fake orgasm scene, I just think that's fucked. I think that's bad karma. I think you're out of integrity when you fake an orgasm. That's just my opinion, okay? I'm sure women have done it to me. I don't know, I never asked, but I will say I just believe it's out of integrity and I think it's bad karma too. So anyway, the three things men obsess over. They want sex at their timetable. I think that's pretty obvious. They want blow jobs to completion, but we know you want oral sex to completion. And lastly, you want it, and by the way, you want men want to know that they pleased you, just like you want to know you pleased him.  I've said this, I've entertained you with this broadcast with a little bit of levity. I invite you to share my videos with the men you're dating. I know a lot of women watch my videos with the men that they're in relationship with because I'm an equal opportunity judge of both genders. You guys are, we human beings are nut jobs, but what's worse is we're afraid to be our authentic self with someone because we're afraid we'll hurt someone's feelings or worse. They'll leave us just when we share our truth. And our truth is simply merely our thoughts. They're not the reality. You know, the thing is a thought is just a thought. A feeling is just a feeling. And sometimes we make them out to be way more than they need to be. But anyway, those are just my rough thoughts on what men consider great sex. I hope I've enlightened you today. I hope I provided value. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what I shared. Please post a comment below. I do my best to read all the comments in the first 24 hours. Also, if you liked what I had to share if this resonated with you, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell as well. And in the first comment below and in the show notes, you can schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. You can join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can follow me on Instagram. You can get my dating vows. And you can get all the Jonathan books recommended. It'll take you to a PDF to take you to all the books I recommend. All right, those who know my format, no, it's time for Q&A. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question there after. Or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in a little woody outfit. It's my son who passed away over five and a half years ago and in his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and scholarships to coaching as well. And if you're watching the replay you can hit the super thanks. Also, if you wanna be brave and join the hot seat meaning you get to ask me a question directly, I've just provided a link to join the hot seat. All right, Gigi just posted a question. And by the way, our goal tonight is $50, $50, okay? Question, if a woman agrees to sex on a man's timetable is that the same as accepting the relationship on his terms? No, you can establish your own terms on the relationship. I just think that men traditionally, I hear a lot of women, a lot of women have an unfinished to-do list in their head is from what I've heard and I've witnessed and that seems to supersede our desire to being physically intimate. I think couples should continually schedule regular time in their day planner, if you will, for physical intimacy. It should be a regular part of their relationship. Then it's not on our timetable. It's a we thing and not a me thing. Let me repeat that. It's a we thing and not a me thing. But Jonathan, I'm in long distance relationship and we don't have sex. Folks, you guys that have dysfunctional types of relationships where you hardly spend time with one another, it's going to be incredibly difficult to build the deep roots of trust, particularly in the physical intimacy arena. So anyway, I just want to put that in your consciousness. Karen says, I will not swallow without knowing 100% trust with them, Lord. I give oral but to the ejaculation, Jonathan, is that a must? I recognize every person is different. You have to do what's right for you. I get it, but it may be not right for him. Talk about it, have a conversation, find out what's right for both of you. That's my invitation for you, okay? Laurie White says, how can you say men want sex on their timetable when they say women are the gatekeepers of sex? Okay, what I meant in that comment, listen.  After two people agree to a physical relationship, it's usually an agreement that they're going to explore the physical part of the relationship. But yes, women are the gatekeepers of sex and we want it on our timetable. That's just the way men are. But you typically are the ones that say no. Now I recognize a lot of you women have experienced men who are lazy when it comes to sex.  I said earlier, a lot of men are crappy lovers, particularly men in midlife, okay? This is what we're dealing with, but sex is an imperative part of a relationship. Success in many cases, it's the downfall. It's the second most common reason for divorce is that there's not a healthy physical and emotional intimate relationship. So again, I'm a big proponent. It's a we conversation, not a me conversation. All right, let's keep going. One of my Facebook member groups, by the way, if you wanna join my private group, there's a link below. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. I think pornography is harmful. I absolutely agree. I think it decent, particularly men that use it, I think it desensitizes them and I don't think it's healthy.  Yeah, I think it's actually very detrimental.  Is that common? Is it a sign of problems? I have spoken to some men who have actually faked orgasm because they had a difficult time ejaculating. They didn't wanna hurt their partner's feelings. And so, yes, to the extent that it's common, it's common enough that, yes, it happens. Is it a majority? I don't think so, but as we age, this is the tricky part of midlife. As we age, our equipment doesn't work as well. We don't ejaculate like we want to. Women, you guys are on certain medications, making it more difficult for you to have an orgasm.  So, yes, I have heard that. I am aware of that. All right, let's keep going. Gina's in the house. By the way, if you wanna join the hot seat, there's a link right here. Join me live, it'll be fun. Hi, is a man watching too much porn while in relationship a deal breaker? I've been told in the past that I'm just not letting him be a man, and it chill out. You have to do what's right for you. I don't believe watching a lot of porn for man is healthy. I think definitely maybe once a week, maybe if we, I'm just making up a arbitrary number here is one thing, but if you're watching it every day and masturbating, you're going to desensitize yourself to your partner, and it creates an unhealthy fantasy. I am sure there are study after study and study after there. You have to ask yourself, is that a deal breaker for you? I know men can rationalize. A lot of men can rationalize their habit, but it's an addiction, okay? And they can come up, they can rationalize it, okay? Why it's okay for them, but if it's not part of a healthy relationship, then I don't see the necessity of it, okay? Hey, we just had someone join our membership group here, at least our member here on YouTube, so thank you so much, appreciate that.  Billy Holt is in the house.   I mean, I'm pretty territorial. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think men are territorial, so I mean, and not that you should threaten that. I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek.  And I would like to find ways to increase the amount of sex that we have in our relationship so we can have mutual satisfaction. Is that something that we can talk about to strengthen our relationship and offer the conversation and see how he responds? Would be just kind of a rough shot of way of answering that, Billy. Thank you so much for that question. All right, Julie's in the house. I'm 51 and still love to have sex. I have male friends that their wives don't want it. Is it normal for females around my age? You know, it's interesting. I think with married couples, see, one of the benefits of being single in midlife is usually it's a resurgence of sex, okay? Because I know a lot of couples, okay?  I just, I know those couples. And those of us are single. I mean, maybe we don't get it as often as we like, you know, if we're not doing one night stands or friends with benefits, but the best part of a new relationship is coupling. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So, yeah, no, it's, I think, I know women in their 60s to still have a high libido.  So anyway, hey, we've got someone brave enough to be in the hot seat. We've got G. Hello, talk. Hi. Hi. No, I want to talk about like sex and everything. Like I was in a relationship for seven years. Okay. I was with you, what did you do for seven years? I can barely hear you. Speak clearly. I know it's weird because I'm hearing an echo. I don't know how to talk. Oh, because you're watching the video. You should just be strictly on this app. Just simply be on the app that I sent you. If I turn it off and then go right. All right, I can hear you now. So keep talking. Okay. Okay, I turned the other one off now. Okay, good. Now keep talking. So you were in a relationship for seven years and what happened?  And then at the end of the relationship, I was kind of a bit controlling, I guess. So my boyfriend withheld sex for me to control me. Like that was his only way to control me was telling me no. And it was like once every four months. And I mean, I begged him, I pleaded with him.  And I mean, I felt so much better. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Then I got married. I was married for like 23 years. My husband died like about nine years ago. Let me come back. When you were talking about earlier, was this someone in your 20s? Yeah, I was 21 when I first came. Okay, you were 21 and age. And it was a seven year relationship with a younger person. No, he was actually older. He was actually maybe seven years older than I was. Okay, seven years older. So he was late 20s, your early 20s. You were together seven years.  Okay, then you got married. Okay, so keep going. I was married for 23 years. Okay.  Like he kind of was at first. And then at the end it was like, we had to have sex once a week at a certain time. And it was like, you know, that was it. And it was like, come on, like ask him all the time and he'd be like, no, no, no. And then I feel really bad because at the end I, cause I'd always ask him and I'd always, he'd always tell me, no, no, no. And it was really upsetting. So one day I, you know, Did you ever ask him if you could take on a lover? Oh no, no, he wouldn't like you that. Just curious. He thought women were like sluts. He didn't have a high opinion of women. He liked me. So all right. So let's get to where you're at today. So what's your question? Well, I'm just saying what happened was with him. I told him no, like he told me no. And I said, okay, that I got mad. And I said, that's it. I said, I will never ask you to have sex again ever. I go, if you want to have sex, you need to ask me. And then he got cancer and he died two years later. So we didn't have sex for two years. And he never, he never once asked me to have sex. And I didn't ask him, I refuse to. Okay. So what's the, why are you sharing this with me? Well, just, I don't know. Just to say, like, why is it always me? Like men always tell me no. Is it me? Wait, wait, wait. Now you have a whole new question. So you just, now you just threw a curve ball on me. By the way, folks, I just want to demonstrate what's happening here. So when you just said men always say what to you? No.  No, the guys have to. So when you say, are you talking about at your current stage in your life?  So when you say people are saying no, who is saying no to you?  So you, okay, I want you to be clear here. Are you meeting men online? Is that where you met them?  So then were these men, you were dating, you were in a relationship with them?  And he called me every single day. Okay. And he was this guy on the schedule. So every Friday, he was, you know, he came over. Like that was my time was Friday. What's wrong with a man wanting to be a boyfriend and girlfriend, what's wrong with that? Well, it wasn't. I was going to until he pulled the, oh, on Fridays he started, because that was my day of the week he had every day assigned. It was weird. Okay. So my day was Friday. But you were just this Friday girl, okay? Yeah, but he'd be sick, he'd be sick, or he ate something at work, he didn't feel good.  You're not really making much sense. Okay, there's no coherence to this dialogue. So I'm trying to extract from you. What are you seeking help with? What are you seeking help with? Well, he started telling me no to, like he wouldn't want to talk about it. Are you asking, is the question, Jonathan, why would a man say no to me? Is that the question? Yeah, maybe because I make them crazy. I don't know, but. Okay, so, all right. So you just said it, you make them crazy. Why would a man want to be with a woman to make some crazy? Well, I don't know, but. By the way, can you really, wait, wait, time out. Can you really honestly say, wait a minute? I make men crazy. Why would a man not want to be with me if I make him crazy? I mean, if you're actually doing that, no man would want to be with you. Well, they do though. He kept calling me, but it was like, he started saying he was impotent and then he was having. By the way, there's no value. Don't take offense to this, G, but there's really no value in this conversation. You're just vomiting a lot of shit, but you're not asking for help. Yeah, I know. And buddy, now you're passive about, yeah, I know. And recognize there are a lot of people watching you right here, okay? And you're representing a lot of, you're representing women right now and I'm inviting you to step up.  Oh, no, I didn't. If you want a significant relationship in your life, wait, time out. Do you want a significant relationship in your life? Yes, I do. Okay, then why not look at, and we can't do it today, why not look at your actions and ask yourself, are my actions the way I go about this really conducive to getting the results I seek? Because I doubt they really are the way you're going about things.  You change within and that will start to affect your outer world because you're not happy with the world you're in based on what you're sharing with me. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You can argue for your limitations, you can argue for your limitations or you can make changes in your life. And by the way, I wanna repeat those words, ladies, all of you guys can gaslight yourselves and argue for your limitations, okay? Or you can make changes in your life. Yeah, I guess that's it. I haven't made any changes and I don't- Okay, then that's your invitation. You just got your wake-up call, okay? All right, I've got another caller on, okay, G? It was fun, okay, thanks. All right, thanks for being on the hot seat. Bye. Folks, I just wanna say something. Folks, here's the thing. When you're having a conversation with somebody, okay?  You're not necessarily any better at communication than men, okay? Learning how to speak concisely and be directly and have a point instead of just sharing a lot of things, instead of really getting down to the nitty gritty and I'm inviting you all to get to the nitty gritty of what do you really want here? So when you're asking yourself questions, find out what it is I want first and then formulate a question from that vantage point will yield better results. That's just my invitation for you all. Rhonda, I see you there, so I'll get to you in one second, but I wanna take Julie's question. Oh wait, we already had that one, okay? I wanna get Sandy's question. Why do men stop sharing shared activities once sex is introduced in the relationship? Sex then becomes the only shared activity. Well, because for a lot of men, all they care about is sex. Not every man, a lot of men want occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex on their terms, but it doesn't matter what the men want to do. I'm asking you and not that I, I'm inviting you all to get crystal clear on the type of relationship you see.  It's up in the clouds. It's nebulous. I get granular.  And I know I'm going off subject here Sandy, but I'm inviting you all. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, let me keep going. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. And by the way, I wanna thank G for being brave. Well done. Wait a minute. Someone just wrote something interesting. Sorry, Jonathan, but there's a lot of people watching you too. I don't hear you listening very compassionately. I get, listen, if you want compassionate listening, I'm not that kind of coach. I'm not here to validate behaviors, okay? I'm not that compassionate kind of guy. I'm very compassionate for those that are in my life. But when you're on the hot seat, I'm here to offer help. I'm a tough love kind of guy.  I'm here to make changes and to wake people up. So I just wanna offer that. Okay, Rhonda, let's get you into the house. Okay, I'm gonna start. How you doing? All right, I'm gonna try to make mine get to the point.  You're not gonna be short, be concise. I'm gonna be concise, I promise. I'm not dating anyone. I'm not sexually active. I want dates, but you know, it's not happening. And I haven't been sexually active for a long time. Okay, my question is, if you say discuss sex when you, you know, getting closer and you think it's better to turn to a relationship, I am afraid to say I have a high sex drive. So how do I tell a man that without him trying to turn it into, what do they call it, phone sex? Okay, so I have a high sex drive. Okay, yay!  Okay, go. I have that without turning phone sex. Okay, first and foremost, I would only engage in conversations with people whom you could actually meet within three weeks of first contact. So if it's a long distance dynamic, you will be setting yourself up for phone sex number one. So have people, and just simply say, if you're engaging in conversation and you're just, think about it, the first phone call is the first date. After the first phone call, you should be meeting people within a week to two weeks at the most. You should physically meet this person. You shouldn't be engaging in a lot of incessant communication over the phone. Okay? So, but to suggest, you know, if you want to... Oh, I lost you. I think you have to build a bit of rapport with somebody before you have that conversation about having a high sex drive.  What's your experience? Are you one of those men that you could even be rhetorical? Are you one of those men with a low sex drive? You could be a little bit, kind of a little bit of a jab, a little jab at him. Are you one of those types of men that have a low sex drive? And you could talk about sex with somebody, but I wouldn't do that until you built rapport with somebody, until you've built a little bit of trust. Some people you can build instant trust with, some people you can't. My fear is that I'm gonna scare them away because I don't know, I hate to say this. I could, it doesn't sound terrible. I can have sex seven days a week, but I don't wanna tell a man that I might scare him. He might can only have sex once a week. I don't know what to do. I know you said the truth, but I'm scared. Let me ask you, if you wanna, if you need sex once a week, then be with a guy, 20 or 30 years younger. Okay, okay, I'll help out with that.  I know some people do, but I certainly believe a good, healthy sex. If two people are physically in proximity with one another, they should be having, if they physically are seeing each other on average at two or three or four days a week, they should be having sex half, if not more of those times. That's just my opinion. That's simply my opinion. It's not a statement about. Okay, you're there. No, no, no. I just was afraid of how to bring it up.  Yeah. That's probably intimidating to most men. That's why I never say it. I never say it. I never say it. I just never say it. I understand. Well, let me know. Okay, so here, I want you to physically, when was the last time you had a first date? December of 2022. That was over a year and a half. It's been a year and a half.  Okay, I've been offline. I've been trying to meet organically since July.   I love you. Okay, bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye now. I forgot to give G a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. Very brave of you to come on. I do want to share what Renee said, because it's rather important to what I just shared. And that is, he is concise. And what Jonathan talks about works ladies, we got to know what we want, really want and not settle for less. I am, listen, concise communication.  Learning concise communication, learning how to express yourself, your needs, wants and desires in a concise, healthy way is imperative for a healthy, happy relationship. Okay. And again, I'm not here to suggest that, you know, men are any better at this either. Men are, by the way, just because men think they're logical, don't make them, do not make them any better at communication. And by the way, for the record, I fumble grammatically in my communication when I do these videos because I'm literally going stream of consciousness and I'm going full steam ahead, but I still have the capacity to be somewhat concise when I'm going down certain rabbit holes. So I'm just inviting you all to do the same. All right, Wanda's in the house. Question, can you have a relationship that's great with a man if neither of you care about sex part or you physically can't have sex? Absolutely, absolutely. Many couples can have a non-sexual relationship and still be very rewarding and very satisfying. I just happen to know that it's still, you know, for those of us in midlife, which I say as midlife is after baby-making years and before retirement. So there's still a lot of people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s that want to have regular sex. So I'm speaking to that demographic for sure. By the way, I want to give, G says, thank you, that was fun.  What is this? I got to read this. Ladies, if you knew what all the ladies who make money online and other places from sex, you'd never date anyone. You'd stay off the platforms and you'd also trust next to no men out there. You know, first off, there are a lot of good men out there. There's a lot of men that watch porn. They go to OnlyFans and all that sort of thing. You know, it's kind of a byproduct of our environment today. But at the end of the day, most men are good people, just like most women are good people, in my opinion. Wanda has a repeat question. How old should a guy be if a woman is 59? If she likes younger guys, that's still respectful. I don't know, over the age of consent.  One of our Facebook members says, question in midlife, do you have a recommended max or minimum age gap? No, I do not. Again, age of consent. Okay, Barbara says to, it was very uncomfortable with you the way you spoke to Jay, I understood her. She tried to tell you about her prior relationship where men in the beginning wanted sex, but later on didn't. You were harsh. You know, if it seemed like I was harsh, it was because I was having a challenging time understanding where she was going. Okay, here's the thing. I want to invite everyone to begin to operate when they communicate.  That way it starts a foundation of where the train track is going. She just started with the train moving. Okay, yeah, I get that she had a man that experienced that. But you see, what you don't recognize, Barbara, is she said she was criticizing men, but she was taking no ownership in her parts.  See, when humans don't take ownership on their part, it's irrelevant the backstory because we have to take ownership on our part. And that's what I was attempting to do. And of course I did it with a bit of tough love. Okay, because I'm not here to validate, I don't validate behavior that doesn't benefit you. I can certainly appreciate when someone is expressing an emotion or a feeling. I felt, if she had said, I felt really sad when this happened to me when I was younger. Okay, now you've expressed an emotion, a feeling. All she did was make a statement of fact. So I'm not here to defend myself. I'm here to help human beings understand maybe a better way of communicating, a better way of recognizing if you're going to share and if you're gonna share something vulnerable, then share the feeling that's coming up for you. But she didn't do that. All she did was share what was wrong with men and she took no ownership on her part. And at least at the end, I gave her a chance to get there. Okay? Billy Holt says, Barbara and Jonathan's defense, he's probably excited right now. I get, yeah, I get excited. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Aurora said, I sent you a gift. I don't, through the email address on your website in December, I hope you got it. I don't recall seeing your gift. I'm sorry, you might have Aurora, but I didn't see it in your name. All right, Stephanie, Jonathan, as a man, what is your opinion on the most fulfilling kind of sexual experience or does it vary? Does it depend on the moment, the connection, how things are flowing? That's a good question. You know, I'm only gonna speak for myself. I think when I can have a true heart connection with a partner I'm physically intimate with, when I can feel their heart, when they can feel my heart, that is for me, the most gratifying physical intimacy.  When you can actually just connect with their heart. It's one of the reasons why I like doing psychedelics. It takes us out of our head and into our hearts. So there's a variety of different types of medicines you can use in that capacity. But for the most part, that's what turns me on most if you're asking my own personal opinion. I can't speak for all guys in this particular case. All right, let's keep going. All right, Rachel's in the house. Is it wrong to just be yourself even if you're chasing a guy because I'm just being me? The rules say don't chase or you'll turn them off.  He's running away. I'm chasing him to bring him back, okay? Versus I'm making effort. Is he making effort? I make a little more effort. Is he making effort? If you are making effort, Rachel, and he starts to meet you with that effort, that's absolutely okay. Chasing somebody is, he's okay.  But you keep thinking that's called dating. That's chasing, okay? Because you've created a fantasy about this friends with benefits dynamic, okay? That would be an example of chasing. Otherwise, making effort is not chasing.  He gets so emasculated when you make effort.   And I don't care if he looks like an alpha male.  Okay, I got riled up. Lighthouse says I don't think you should take the first. I take everything personally. I've got the thinnest skin on the planet. I can't help it. I'm working on it though. I'm working on it. Stephanie says thank you, great answer. You're very welcome Stephanie, I appreciate that. Jane says sex is fulfilling when you have an orgasm when combined with friendship first and good memories, right? Hell yeah, it's always nice to ejaculate. There's no doubt about that. All right, let's keep going. Sandy says, I love it when you get riled up, John. Thank you, I appreciate that Sandy. Jane says, can you make love with massage, cuddling, pillow talk? I think yes. You know, I don't think enough couples spend enough time cuddling in bed and sharing from their heart. I suspect that a lot of couples don't do that to really connect with your partner. One of the things I did with my previous relationship, I hope I'm not crossing a boundary, but we had spiritual journeys on a regular basis. I won't go into the particulars of it, but it was an opportunity to really connect with our hearts with one another. And very few couples get to a place in their relationship where they're actually just being with another human being.  You know what most humans are thirsty for? Most humans are thirsty for real intimate connection. That's why I recommend reading this book, Emotional Intimacy. And whether you like it or not, men are thirsty for it too. We just don't know how. And not all men are capable of this. I get this, but if you have a man that has a sliver of hope then begin a practice of real emotional connection with one another, that's my invitation for you. By the way, if anyone else is brave enough to join the hot seat before we wrap up today, there's the link. Beach Lover says, if I have a list of 60 things that you are looking for in a person, is that what you ask for hard questions about being with? You know, instead of 60 things you're looking for, how about 25 qualities that are most important to you in another person? Make them qualities, not things like if they own a home, right? Like if you had the difference between a guy owns own home or can pay his bills and pay his rent, but he has a heart connection, which is more important. I know you'd like the guy owns own home, but connecting with his heart, put together the list of your top 25 most important qualities you seek in a relationship, that would be my invitation for you. Sunshine 88, how do you handle intense heart connection with people other than your partner during drugs? First off, medicine is not the same, but my partner changed a lot during ceremony and justifies heart connection with strangers. Oh, so I'm not a big proponent of ethical non-monogamy. I'm not a big proponent of that. I'm not a big proponent of polyamory. I'm not a big proponent of swingers. Okay, I'm just not, that's me personally. You have to decide what's most important for you and you and your partner have to decide what's most important for each other. Those are conversations I recommend having. And if their values differ than yours, then you have to ask yourself if your values are not aligned, does that mean you make sense to continue the relationship? This is why we have conversations to determine alignment. But yeah, that's a tough one. I understand that. Okay, thanks for sharing. Julie says, if the guy won't hug me, does this mean he's not into me? Should I hug him first? Well, are you talking about a first date or like you've been living together for three years? Okay, you know what? I'm a big proponent of hugs.  I mean, how do I end my videos?  I reach into the camera and give you a hug as well. I ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I'm a big proponent of hugs. Someone doesn't, then we have to get to the root of why there must be some trauma associated with hugging. He must have some significant trauma associated with hugging. And I'd wanna try to get to the root of where that trauma is and heal that trauma. And then, you know, but I would have a difficult time. I mean, that's a tough one. I get it. That's a tough one. Julie, thank you for that question. Leslie, if you get turned off by someone, your only app messaging with, i.e. sensing narcissistic behavior out the gate, is it considered ghosting to block them and delete them at this stage? First off, that's not ghosting. That's called changing your mind. That's all you've done. Now, you could simply write and message them and say, hey, I've appreciated our conversation. I've decided to move on. I wish you all the best. I think that's being a little bit radical to block and delete at this stage. You could simply say, hey, Tim, I've really enjoyed our conversation. I don't feel comfortable. First, you know, I've changed. I don't feel alignment with you and I've decided to move on. I think that's more, it's better karma to do that. Leslie, I'm a big on karma. And if you're already judging his behavior as narcissistic, be careful of the judgment. And then if you go and block and delete them, that's just bad energy. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't.  If he crosses a boundary. But if he hasn't crossed a boundary yet, then simply write a message, thank you, no thank you, and move on. That's my, because I think it's better karma. Okay. All right, let's keep going here. Gigalo says, hugs are free. I agree. Let's keep going here. Melinda says, what are ways you recommend a woman can assure the heart connection before too much sexual intimacy? I tend to get scared and feel used even if a guy is respectful. How do you recommend a woman can assure heart connection? But well, then through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, doing things together in activity-based builds trust, having radical honesty, okay, having what I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement. Radical honesty means being vulnerable, being authentic, being transparent. Laying your cards on the table is talking about your past relationships and how those experience affected you as who you are today. And the rules of engagement is to establish the standard type of relationship, the standard of the type of relationship you're looking for. And if you need some support with that, check out the link to a discovery call to see if working with the coaches right for you in the link below. Julie says, thank you for listening to my question. Interesting, you are right. Well, thank you so much. Folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up. Hey, if you found value in what I shared, please hit that dollar sign below and send some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. We'd love to have some love tonight. I hope you found value in this conversation today. I know I went off the rails with G. I know many of you probably thought I wasn't listening, but trust me. Trust me. I'm here to encourage everyone to approach communication more concise, share your feelings and actually know what you want. But when you communicate, because when you operate from a place of clarity and understanding, you actually create better connections with people. And most importantly, take ownership in your part of your lives because if you don't take ownership of it, what's the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And I'm here to encourage better results for all of you or more effective results going forward. All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. I do my best to read all the comments in the first 24 hours. If this content resonated with you, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And by the way, the link's below to schedule a discovery call with me to find me on Instagram to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, the books I recommend. And my dating vows are listed there as well. And I'm gonna wrap up this video, as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. If that's okay, I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone to pet Teddy Bear pillow and give either of them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank G and Rhonda for having the bravery to be in the hot seat and Renee and Lighthouse and Melinda and Stephanie and Billy Holt and Jane and Julie and Wanda and Melinda and Leslie and everybody else big hugs to you. Thank you for being on, have a wonderful, fabulous, fantastic evening.


I want to talk to you tonight about the power of praying the scriptures.  Now, this is not hyperbole. This is not a gimmick. There's a reason why praying the scriptures works. There's a reason why there is power added when we speak, what we see written in the word of God. When we pray the word, we are praying God's will. God's will is like a river. It has a fixed direction, a fixed location, a fixed flow. Many believers, when they pray, they get it in their minds that their goal is to move the direction of that river. To try to reroute the flow of God's will. They imagine that perhaps God is in heaven with his arms folded and that the more they pray, the more he reluctantly says, okay, well, gee, golly, maybe I'll do what you're asking me to do. Or they imagine that he's being irritated by the many petitions that are being thrown his way and he says, you know, I've just had enough. I don't want to hear it anymore. Fine, I'll do what you're bugging me to do. That's not it at all. The will of God, like I said, is that mighty river. Many Christians want to cup their hand, take a sip. Very few believers are willing to dive in. The difference between just drinking from that river and diving into that river is simple. The difference is who is in control. And many times when we pray, we use prayer as a tool to implement our own wills. Or so we imagine, that's what we're doing. Or to worry out loud. Many believers confuse worry for prayer as if God doesn't already know what's happening. Others think that they are trying to gain their desires. They have things that they want, goals that they want to accomplish. And there's nothing wrong with having goals. There's nothing wrong with having desires that are not sinful. There's nothing wrong with exercising your own will. But prayer is not the means of exercising your own will. Prayer is the means by which we cause earth to come into alignment with the heavenly realm. That's what you and I are called to do. Now imagine you get pulled over and a police officer asks you license and registration, please. You would, of course, provide license and registration. But let's say they come to your house at midnight. You've committed no violations. You've broken no laws. They knock on the door, say license and registration, please. And to add to it, they're not even wearing their uniform. What would you do? You probably would be suspicious. You probably would not provide license and registration. You probably would call other cops. Now, what's happening there? In that scenario, that officer would be acting outside of their authority. We get it in our minds and you've heard it said that our words have creative power. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. How many times have you heard that quoted and then we misapply it? Oh, you know, I'm not feeling too well. Ah, life and death are in the tongue. Don't say it. You'll end up in the hospital. You know, my tire has been flat for a couple of days. I hope it doesn't deflate or pop up. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Don't you dare say it? OK, but we're acknowledging something very practical. Faith doesn't deny reality. That's delusion. And a lot of believers confuse delusion for faith. No, I'm not sick. I'm not sick. I prayed for a woman one time. She comes up to the altar.  I said, what's wrong? She says, pray for my eyes. I said, what's wrong with your eyes?  I was so confused and I kid you not. It was like 20 minutes of this and I'm I'm trying to work with them. And I'm I admit I was losing my patience. And so it escalated to me saying, lady, listen. Do you want me to pray for your eyes? Yes, pray for my eyes. What do you want me to pray for? Pray that I can see. OK, what's wrong with them? Nothing is wrong with my eyes. That's delusion. That's not faith. And we have these Christian, why old wives tale. These Christian superstitions. These strange beliefs that we kind of adapt in church culture. Don't speak that life and death are in the power of the tongue. I didn't study for this test. I'm probably not going to pass. Don't speak that life and death are in the power of the tongue. It would probably do you better to study than it would be to speak. In that instance, do we all agree with that? So I'm not saying our words don't have power, but we have to understand why our words have power. Our words don't have power because we can call things into existence and just create things. That's not even biblical. I mean, imagine the chaos that would result if every single one of us could just speak things into existence. I mean, there'd be a lot more Ferraris in the parking lot. There'd be a lot more zeros on your bank account. You would speak things. And what what happens then if, for example, two people on opposite sides of the teams are rooting for their own football team, one speaking the championship for their team and the other is speaking the championship for theirs? I mean, I don't know what would result from that. So this idea that we speak things into existence, it's misunderstood in how that actually works. You and I, when we speak, have power in our words because, A, they can affect the mindset of the people who are listening to what we're saying. So if you get around someone who's constantly speaking ungodly realities or worldly philosophies, what happens is the mind becomes programmed to think according to what's being heard. It's not as though you can have one conversation with an atheist and then live with the doubt for the rest of your life. It would have to be years and years of being around people and allowing those thoughts to influence you without countering them with the truth. So thoughts, words have power not in a magic form of way. Words have power because what we speak can affect the way people think. Words are the programming of the mind. And as you speak the words, it's like a computer. It's like a software being loaded. And the more you hear something, the more likely you are to believe it. The more often you hear something repeated, the more likely you are to accept it. So that's where the power of our words come from. Or even in speaking something encouraging or discouraging. I can encourage someone and saying, hey, you're doing an excellent job. You're very much appreciated. What does that do? Emotionally, it uplifts them. In their heart, they're uplifted. Why? Because you're speaking what we would say life.  I wish you would drop dead and then they drop dead on the floor. That's not how it works. Thank God it's not because many of us would lack a lot of friends and relatives who probably wouldn't be here today. Because in the heat of the moment, we might say something and cause it to happen immaturally, instantaneously. So what power does the believer have? The believer's authority comes from God's authority. Just like that officer acting outside of the law and acting outside of the uniform would be ignored so the enemy can ignore you when you try to speak your own will by God's authority. Now this is very key here because when God gives us his will, he's giving us the authority to implement that. In other words, we are not the source of the light, we are reflections of the light. Our prayers are not the voice, our prayers are the echoes of his voice. This is why when Moses, for example, would confront the Lord and intercede on behalf of the children of Israel, God would relent or God would change his mind. So it seemed, the scripture says, it seems to be this way but what's actually happening is Moses is repeating back God's word, Moses is speaking back his covenant. And God is not having his mind changed, he's partnering with Moses to bring forth that reality in the earth. Now some might say, well it's not worded that way, well again, these are spiritual dynamics we don't have time to go into that specific study but that's what's happening there. And so when the scriptures are spoken, you're speaking in alignment with God's will. So God when he speaks causes things to come into existence. When you and I speak, we call things into order. God's words cause our words cultivate. God's words start our words steward. We do not have the power to just call things out. This is why I don't really fret when somebody tells me I'm putting a curse on you. Do you know that witchcraft's only power is your belief in it? I was talking to a pastor friend of mine who had a falling out with his pastor and his pastor began to curse him. You leave this church and you won't fulfill God's will.  You leave this church, I'm gonna make sure everyone knows you were rebellious. Manipulation is what that is. Bible says we're called to bless, not to curse when you read the teachings of scripture. And so this pastor comes to me just fretting, fretting, fretting, just worried and it was robbing him of sleep. It was robbing him of peace. It affected the way he preached. It started seeping into his sermons and there was no fresh oil on the sermons. It was just speaking out of fear and defensiveness and worry. So it began to affect his ministry. We sat down and the moment we had our conversation, the moment he realized that those words could do nothing to him, suddenly that burden was lifted. Why? Because witchcraft's only power is your belief in it. Christians fretting, what do I do, brother David? My mother-in-law is putting a curse on me. You'd be surprised how many mother-in-laws put curses on their in-laws. Are there daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws? I get messages like that all the time. My mother-in-law is putting a curse on me. Why are you worried about that? What could they possibly, you think when they speak, they cause things, not outside of God's authority they can. And really the fear, Andy, and the angst that comes with things like this is based entirely on our belief in what they have said. That's faith in what the curse says. Faith is what activates declarations. Now, this is where the power is. The power is in delegated authority. God has given to you and I the responsibility of bringing order to his creation. Well, what did Jesus say? How did he tell us to pray? Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Okay, so what is he telling us there? He's saying you pray that the will of God be done in the earth as it is in heaven. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Why would Jesus tell us to pray for God's will to be done in the earth if those prayers accomplish nothing? The very fact that he tells us to pray for God's will to be done in the earth is proof that when we pray, our prayers bring forth the will of God. We are terraforming the earth. Think about the fact that Elon Musk wants to take rockets and go to Mars. I think that's really cool. He wants to go and terraform. Terraform means change the atmosphere and change the settings of that ecosystem. Yeah, the ecosystem, he wants to change everything about it so that we can live there. You know, future generations, I'm not going. They're going to send future generations there. That's their plan anyway, and what do they have to do to make that possible? They have to terraform it so that plant life can survive, so that people can survive, so that the weather doesn't kill us in future generations. Well, that's what believers are doing. The Bible says we're citizens of heaven, not of earth. And so our father who art in heaven, my father, that's acknowledging who he is and who I am at the same time. To call God my father is to acknowledge his identity and mine at the same time, because it acknowledges him as the source, and it acknowledges myself as the child of God, our father who art in heaven. So that is our stance. We're praying from heavenly places. The scripture tells us that we're seated in heavenly places with him. So then we are terraforming the earth. We're bringing about heavenly atmospheres. Not through some mystical, magical pronunciation of our words, remember, that doesn't cause anything. That would be to have too much power. God does not give us creative power in our words, in that sense. He gives us cultivating power. He gives us authority to do certain things. And so when we pray this way, we come into alignment. Alignment accesses authority. The moment you step out of alignment, think of that police officer, takes off the badge, takes off the uniform, tries to enforce his will outside of the law. You don't have to listen to that guy. Why? Because he stepped out of alignment. When you are in alignment, you have access to authority. Alignment accesses authority. This is why Jesus tells us to pray in his name. In his name, meaning in the power of, in the authority of, as representation. So when I rebuke a demon in the name of Jesus, it's as if Jesus himself is telling it to go. That's authority. Now, the Bible says, John 15.7, I gave you a lot of scripture references, but I wanna read something now. John 15.7, these are the words of Christ. Watch this now. Watch the way he words this. But if you remain in me, and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, say anything, and it will be granted. Wow. What a promise. I don't think we realize the weight of that promise. You can ask me for anything you want, and it will be granted. That's a promise. Now, does this mean I can go asking for, like when I was seven, asking for a set of wings that I can use to fly? You know, the child's prayers. They ask for certain things. Probably not gonna happen. Why? Because to ask that would mean his word is not in you. You're not asking according to his word. You're asking according to your own will. Remember, that river doesn't change course. You can either stand outside the river or jump into the river, and that's the partnership of prayer. Now, let me be clear. God does not need our partnership. God is God. God can do anything he wants, any time he wants, according to his will. What then is the purpose of prayer? Prayer is proof that God is looking for partners. Think about it. Prayer is proof that God is looking for partners. Why would prayer exist if God was just going to do what he wanted, when he wanted in the earth at any time, despite what we prayed or didn't pray? Now, could he do that? Absolutely. He's God. He's sovereign. He doesn't need us. But he chooses to work through the prayers of his children. He chooses to work through his servants. He chooses to work through you and I. Why? Because he's teaching us what it is to cultivate, to steward, to partner with him. Why did God create Adam and Eve? Their responsibility was to what? Have dominion over the earth.  And even the people who've used wording like that, they'll even admit to you that probably the wording was a little bit sensational. And they were just maybe trying to shock people, but really what they're communicating is simply that we're just representatives. Remember, not the source of light, the reflections. We are not little gods. There's only one God, but we have the responsibility of representation. And that is where prayer comes in. Prayer is that representation in action. And so when we are praying, we being given dominion and authority in the earth and having that restored when we stand in Christ, we are pooling creation into the river of God's will. You're not fighting God, you're not persuading him. He's that river. You are pooling creation into alignment with that. You say, why doesn't God just do it? Well, A, he doesn't wanna violate free will. And B, look through scripture, this is what he chooses to do. He chooses to involve us in the proliferation of his kingdom within the earth. Now verse seven again, let's read it again. Verse John 15, seven. But if you remain in me, that's a condition one, and my words remain in you, that's condition two, you may ask for anything you want and it will be granted. What does Jesus mean by remain in me or abide in me? This is important because he's giving us the conditions to 100% answers in prayer. He's saying, look, you do these two things. You remain in me and my words remain in you, anything you want, it's yours. You've come now into alignment to access authority. Let's look at first John 3, 24. First John 3, 24. Whoever keeps his commandments remains in God and God in him, wow, it tells us straight out right there. And by this we know that he remains in us by the spirit he has given us. So whoever keeps his commandments remains in God. You know how to stay in alignment with his authority? Obedience to his word. Remember this, please. Only those who live by the word can use the authority of the word. Only those who live by the word can use the authority of the word. Now God anoints his word, there's always miracles to back it so hypocrites can move in power to a certain degree. But to step into full alignment with that you have to live by the word.  And what is the, well he gets upset, he calls them faithless. The issue, hear me now. The issue is never stubborn demons, just faithless men and women. There's a whole lot in just that alone. It's not that the authority of God works sometimes and not other times. Demons have to obey authority. It's that believers sometimes do not step into that authority because of the way they live. And so this is talking about alignment. And that's not just to do with casting out devils, it's to do with miracles. It's to do with favor. It's to do with everything that would align us to God's word. Now before we go any further, let me say this. Jesus never promised us a perfect life. He said, in this world you will have tribulation. What a promise, how many are claiming that one? In this world you're gonna have tribulation. But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. Think of Paul the apostle, shipwrecked three times, beaten, imprisoned, rejected, despised. He was in the will of God, wasn't he? Yet it brought chaos to him. Many of us would have called that a curse. Paul didn't. He called it his Christian responsibility. To suffer for the sake of the gospel was his privilege. So the flesh, whenever it hears teachings like this, the flesh begins to reach for, ooh, is that the key to getting what I want? And that right there is to think in terms of more humanism than faith. Humanism is selfish. And you might as well just go follow manifestation. Manifest what you want then. What I'm talking about is alignment with God's will. And sometimes when you align with God's will, you'll find that his will includes things that you don't want in there. Lord, anything you want to do as long as I'm okay with it. Well, that's not your will. That's God's. Lord, Lord, Lord, I submit myself, I surrender 100% so long as you don't, so long as you don't require, so long as you don't ask, so long as you don't touch this area of my life, 100% yours. And so the flesh will look at these truths and say, aha, now I can get what I want. And when I pray this way, no, no, no, no, no. See, here's the thing. When you begin to submit to God's will like this, the desires of the flesh begin to die. And so then God can trust you with the authority to pray. Whoever keeps his commandments remains in God. It's more pointed here. Go to 1 John 3. I'm gonna read verses 21 and 22 out of the King James version. I love the way it's so pointed here. 1 John 3, 21 and 22. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, in other words, if our conscience is clean, then we have confidence toward God. By the way, by the way, look up at me for a second, let's break that down just for a second. 1 John 3, 21, I wasn't gonna mention this, but it's important. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then we have confidence toward God. Do you realize that when your conscience is dirty, you have trouble approaching God?  That's what it's saying here. If our heart condemn us not, then we have confidence. This is another way that sin will wreak havoc on your prayer life, because you can't pray because you're too busy feeling guilty and shameful for the things that you think disqualify you from talking to God. That's why when you live holy, you approach God with a clean conscience. Not to say you don't make mistakes, but at least you know that you're rightly connected, not that that connection even ever dies, but your doubt of that connection can grow when you begin to walk in disobedience. Watch this now, and whatsoever we ask, we receive of him. Notice, that doesn't say from him, it says of him. You receive something from me, you're taking it out of my hand. You receive something of me, I'm going with you. So we receive of him, why? Because we keep his commandments and do those things that are pleasing in his sight. Well, the Bible tells us straight out there. Whatever we ask, we receive of him, why? Because we keep his commandments. Here's a crazy thought, especially for this day and age.   Not only that, there will be consequences to the decisions that you make. I have a teaching coming out in a few weeks, probably a couple months, I think. I'm gonna be talking about the consequences of sin in the life of the believer. Because far too many think that, oh, it's covered under the blood, under the blood, under the blood. Well, yeah, we may be righteous before him and justify, but there's still our consequences that we will face the wrongdoing. He absorbed the curse of the law, he absorbed the punishment of the law, the penalty that was required, but not every consequence was absorbed. Just the wrath of God.  You go to jail, why? Because you're bearing the consequence of a decision you made. But here the Bible says, we receive of him whatever we ask why, because we keep his commandments. Look at this here in Proverbs 28,9.   How many of that just cut deep right there? He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be an abomination. Now, of course, we filter the wisdom of Proverbs through the new covenant. This is not to say that God ignores you. What this is saying is that even your prayers are sinful when you don't follow God's laws. Why? Because you pray out of ungodly desire. Now watch this, Psalm by contrast, Psalm 37,4 says this, go there now, Psalm 37,4. Delight thyself also in the Lord. And he shall what? Give you the desires of thine heart. Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. So are you seeing here where the Bible is making it clear that when we align with heaven, when we pray the scriptures, we have to first live by them. And so by living by God's word, we align ourselves under God's will and authority. Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Now this is amazing because what's actually happening here is that as you delight yourself in him, you begin to crave spiritual things. Let me ask you something. Have you ever experienced the presence of God in your own personal prayer life to the point where you didn't even want to leave the prayer room? Let me see your hand if that's you. You watching online. Let me know in the comments section if that's you. Okay, you've prayed and there's such a sweetness to the atmosphere. There's such a tangible manifestation of power on that room. You don't want to go anywhere. You want nothing else. Someone can knock on the door and say, hey, we're going to go grab lunch. Nope, I don't even, don't even break me away from this right now. Nothing could pull you out of that moment. Why? Because what's happening? You're seeing the Lord and you're beginning to delight in him. You're beginning to focus on his person, on his power, on his nature and you're so captivated by who he is that he becomes the desire of your heart. When you delight in the Lord, who's your desire? When you delight in the Lord, who's your desire? The Lord. And when you delight in the Lord and he becomes your desire, what are you going to start praying for him? His will for more of him. Not that he hasn't fully committed himself to you. But when I say you pray for more of him, you want to be more aware of him. You want to be more surrendered to him. You want to fall in love with him more. It's the giving of yourself away. To where now I'm not praying, bless me, bless me, bless me, bless me. Nothing wrong with that. Paul said I learned how to obey sand to a bound. So it's possible God's will is to materially bless you this week. It's possible that he's going to say, hey, I want to develop your character a little more. So let's hold off on that. See, if you put the material and the monetary at the center of prayer, well, now you're just praying in the flesh. Nothing wrong with praying for finances. I did for the studio that we just built. But what are the motives? What are you aligning yourself with his will? What is his will? Because it's gonna happen. If God wills it and you pray it, it happens every time, 100% of the time. And so as we begin to delight ourselves in him, we're not worried about the car payment that was passed to you. We're not necessarily for that moment obsessed with whatever may be going wrong in a certain relationship or with a certain family dynamic. What becomes the desire? Him. You begin to focus on him as the treasure. The all in all. Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. That's a hymn that I heard in school. I went to a private Baptist school. And that was a hymn that I heard almost every Wednesday. Lord, you are more precious than silver. Lord, you are more costly than gold. And nothing I desire compares to you. That's where you need to be when you're praying. Delight yourself also in the Lord. He'll give you the desires of your heart. Why? Because now your desires have changed.  You can't delight yourself in the Lord and pray for things that are not aligned with his will. You can't delight yourself in the Lord and pray for revenge and vengeance. You can't delight yourself in the Lord and fight him on what he desires for your life. No, when you delight yourself in him, suddenly the will of the old nature begins to die. It's Jesus in the garden. Lord, if it's possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will. Your will be done. And then we see here how prayer begins to transform the individual. Matthew 9, 35, please, Matthew 9, 35. Jesus traveled through all the towns and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the good news about the kingdom. And he healed every kind of disease and illness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, the harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord, who is in charge of the harvest, ask him to send more workers into his fields. So now we see the disciples looking upon a need. There were many people that Jesus was looking at, individuals who needed healing, who needed the gospel, who needed deliverance, who needed connection with God. And he sees these individuals, his heart is filled with compassion, and he says, guys, the harvest is ready. It's time now, there are souls waiting, waiting to come into the kingdom. They just need the gospel. And he's looking on these masses of people and he's saying within himself, the harvest is ready, the harvest is ready. And he says this to his disciples, the harvest is ready. You pray, pray to the Lord of harvest that he would send forth workers. Now watch what happens. These disciples take Jesus' instructions to heart, they begin to pray, Lord send workers, Lord send workers, Lord send workers, and then the very next chapter, verse one, Jesus called his 12 disciples together and gave them authority to cast out evil spirits and to heal every kind of disease and illness. They became God's response for which they were praying. Prayer, more than it will change anyone or anything else. Will change the one who prays. You see, people often ask for power because they want praise, but it's the one who asks for power to fulfill God's purpose that truly is given the backing of heaven. They didn't say, Lord, give us the power to heal the sick and we'll do something with it.  Aligning yourself with God's will will often make you an instrument of God's will. Lord, bless them, bless them, bless them. Okay, you bless them. Lord, help them, help them, help them, help them. Okay, I'm sending you. I have friends who prayed for the homeless in Southern California, help them, help them, help them. And the Lord said, okay, I'm an only human, I'm sending you, they have homeless ministries now. I have friends who've prayed for children, Lord, house them, house them, house them, and he's given them orphanages. But people say, Lord, souls, souls, souls, and he's made them evangelists. When you begin to pray for something, God will often position you to become his response in the earth. This takes obedience, steps of faith. You see, we wanna pray for God's will to be done so long as it's benefiting and not sacrificial. When we pray God's will, the only time it carries any real power is when we pray with the acceptance of the fact that God could very well require everything from us to bring that prayer to pass. Romans 10, 17 says, so faith comes from hearing that is hearing the good news about Christ. Now, Romans chapter 10 is talking about the preaching of the gospel. And specifically verse 17 is telling us that when people hear the gospel, they are given faith to believe the gospel. So that's the specific application that we see as directed by the context of Romans chapter 10. But the spiritual truth that we can glean from this, the principle that has application to any other parts of our lives, is the fact that the word produces faith for what it promises. The word produces faith for what it promises. If you see a promise in God's word, suddenly there's faith produced to believe for it. So here's why praying the scriptures is so powerful. It's not because there's magic in the King James language. It does sound beautiful. It sounds like it would have some type of effect to it, but it's just the old way of talking. It's not that the words are arranged in such a way that the phonetics, the pronunciation of these syllables is somehow gonna carry some type of weight to them. I mean, cult leaders quote the scripture. Atheists quote the scripture. Historians quote the scripture. Many times without any real power behind what they're saying. The truth has the power, but there's no manifestation. Why? Because they're merely speaking words. They're speaking in their minds at least, what they simply see as mentions, or as historical facts, or as an arrangement of ideas. But when we speak the word, and we've aligned ourselves with that word, and we've aligned our lives with God's will, it produces power because it's the will of God. If you want to know the will of God, you have to know the word of God. If you want to pray the will of God, you have to pray the word of God. Now I'm not saying that you have to have chapter and verse for everything that you're asking. What I am saying is there has to be a biblical promise behind what you're declaring. So it's not that, as we talked about at the beginning, don't say that there's life and death in the power of the tongue. It's that we're speaking by God's authority according to God's will with our lives lived according to God's will. Whatever God promised, you can pray. If God has not promised it, at least in principle. For example, you don't see the healing of cancer in scripture, but you do see the principle of healing. You don't see any mention of schizophrenia in scripture, but you do see mention of deliverance. You don't see your loved one's first, middle, and last name in scripture, but you do see the principle of praying for the loss.  This is just principle. Now, you can pray. Here are just a few things. You can pray to war in the spirit. That's Ephesians chapter six, verses 10 through 12. That means I can speak against the powers of darkness using the truth of God's word. That means if something tries to touch my family, I can speak not because I desire it, not because I will it, because that's the establishment of God's kingdom and the earth. And if I'm living right and I'm praying God's will and God has ordained for that to take place, it happens every single time. You can pray for the safety of your loved ones. You can see an example of this in 2 Corinthians chapter one, verse 11. You can pray for the salvation of your unsaved loved ones, Romans chapter 10, verse one. You can pray for the well-being of cities. Jeremiah 29, 7. You can pray, I love this one. You can pray for the faith of others to be strengthened. Luke chapter 22, verse 32. So if you have a faltering brother or sister, your prayers will actually make impact on them when you pray for them. That's in the scripture. You can pray for leaders and people in positions of authority. 1 Timothy 2, 2 through 3. So you can pray for God's will to be done. Sometimes you pray God empower them. Other times you have to pray God remove them. That's okay to pray too. But whatever the scripture has promised, we can pray. And if it aligns with God's word, then it aligns with God's will. And so long as we are walking in that authority, then our prayers have that backing. Would you lift your hands and begin praying out loud in the Holy Spirit, please, all across this room. You watching online, I want you to begin to write in the comment section. Just prayer requests. And I want you to write scriptures of the promises of God right there in the comment section. Let other people see that and be encouraged to pray for those things. Everyone in this room, lift your hands, pray out loud, come on, loudly and boldly now. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. Father, we thank you, we thank you, we thank you. Jesus, we honor you, we bless your name. Thank you, Lord, that your word backs, your word backs your will. Help us, Father. Jesus' name, help us. I can sense the presence of the Holy Spirit so strong right now. Just receive that now. You watching online, receive that now. Father, we thank you for your word. And I pray, Lord, that we would begin to align our lives with your word. That we might pray your will in the earth. Thank you, Lord, for every life being transformed now. Healing and delivering powers flowing right through this camera right now. I'm talking to you watching right now. I don't care if you're watching the replay or you're watching live, it does not matter. The tangible touch of the Holy Spirit's power is on this broadcast and people are being set free right now. I want you all to begin to intercede for your loved ones. Begin to intercede for those watching. You watching, begin to intercede for each other. Father, we thank you for making us agents of your kingdom, representatives in the earth. Help us, Lord, to establish the culture of heaven in our own lives. Help us, Lord, to embrace your truth. Not just in what we speak, but in how we live. Thank you for your mercy and your grace toward us. Thank you for your patience. And now, Father, we ask that you would give us the faith to believe your promises for all your promises are yes and amen. Lord, we thank you that when you speak a word, it retains its power, its weight, its authority for all eternity. And now we, your church, declare that healing power is flowing in the name of Jesus. We, your church, declare that delivering power is flowing in the name of Jesus. There's a young man watching you're being delivered from a porn addiction right now. I give you the, pray right now, church. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. A young man watching being delivered from a porn addiction. I give you the glory, Lord. Jesus, we honor you. There's a young girl watching. There was a piercing on one of your ears and it got infected. The Lord is healing you right now. I give you the glory and the honor. We bless your name, Jesus. There's a mother watching, praying for your daughter who needs healing. She has dark, curly hair. There's healing virtue flowing right now. I give you the honor. There's something happening here, church. You in the comment section, I want you writing your prayer requests right now so others can see, write the promises of God. And everyone in this room, I want you praying loudly, boldly, loudly, boldly, loudly, boldly, Lord, we thank you. Come on, church, begin to step into that authority now. Father, we thank you that your power is flowing. We thank you that healing virtue is streaming right now all around the world. And I pray, Father, that deliverance would happen. We break every drug addiction in the mighty name of Jesus. We break every alcohol addiction in the mighty name of Jesus. Lord, we pray for healing of mental illness and diseases of all kinds. We thank you, Lord, that you are the healer. You are the deliverer. We honor and we bless you, Lord. Jesus, we love you. Now I'm beginning to read some of the comments here. People are praying for their families. People are praying for sicknesses and deliverance and all sorts of things. God's doing it. God's doing it. Hands lift the churches as we sing. Glorify thy name. Come out, come glorify thy name. Jesus, we honor you. One more time as we declare it, your children are being set free. Your loved ones are being set free in the mighty name of Jesus. Glorifying his name even now. He's standing by his word. The word has his full backing. His full backing. His desire, his power is found in his word. God is not just willing to help you and God is not just able to help you. God is both willing and able to help you. And he is doing it now for many of you watching all around the world. He's doing it right now. And he's doing it for many of you in this room. And as I'm looking at the comments now, I see testimonies, I see prayer requests, I see scriptures. The Lord's power is moving. His power is moving. Can we take just another moment and say thank you, Jesus?  Now, before we conclude tonight, I wanna invite those of you sitting here in this room and those of you watching online to stand behind our ministry financially. We just took probably the biggest step of faith we have ever taken as a ministry. And this step was taken in response to the voice of the Holy Spirit. God gave us a mandate to spread the gospel. Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit, all around the world through events and through media. Now, God uses people like you to support this work. God uses his children. He speaks to his children and his children hear his voice. His children are like him.  You're generous. You love souls. You love the gospel. You love the Lord. You love ministry. And you have a heart for the gospel. I know you do. I think sometimes the only reason we hesitate, it's probably two-fold. I think we hesitate because A, we wonder, is the money really going where they say it's going? And B, we hesitate because we sometimes wonder, if we give, does that cause calamity to come on us? Or if we give, will we lack? Well, first of all, number one, many of you have been partnered with our ministry for years and you can just look at everything that this ministry is doing. You can see the excellence and the quality. You see the events that we do around the world. You see the studio being built. It's happening. And secondly, God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. The only way you overcome fear is to act in the opposite way that it instructs you. And so I wanna challenge many of you to do a couple of things.  Those of you here as well, it's really the monthly support that helps us to plan for the future. Now, if you have a streaming platform like Netflix or Hulu or Disney Plus, you have those and you're saying, well, I don't know if I can support the gospel. Think about what you're doing there or maybe a gaming membership or a gym membership. We know we do a lot of things monthly. Everything's subscription based these days. Think of all the subscriptions you have. Think of all of the things you're a member of and ask yourself, if I'm really strapped so tight that I can't support the gospel. Shouldn't one of these things go? So I'm asking you if you absolutely need to replace one of those streaming platforms. Replace one of those things of this world. Now I'm not saying you can't have these things. I'm saying don't let these things have you. There's some watching. You're saying, I don't have to cancel it. To partner, great. And I'm asking you to partner with this ministry. But to the one who's saying, I don't know if things are tight. I'm saying, look at all the other areas you spend your money and see if one of those can't go. I have no issue challenging the people of God who are seriously committed to the gospel. I have no issue challenging you to stand with us for souls because I know you won't regret it. And so I'm asking you now, partner with us on a monthly basis. Some of you can do 30. Some of you can do more. Some of you can do less. But all of your partnerships count. I'm also asking you to consider a one-time gift. You can do all of this by going to davidhernanisministries.com slash partner. That's on the screen now.  But whatever you do, large or small, one time or monthly, I'm asking you to do it now. You've been blessed by this ministry. You've been helped by this ministry and you can see how this ministry is impacting others. Look, we're just getting started. I should say, God is just getting started with his ministry. This is only the beginning. This is only the beginning. This ministry is going and it's growing strong. So be a part of it. Join the thousands of believers around the world who support this. Again, davidhernanisministries.com slash donate to give your one-time gift. davidhernanisministries.com slash partner to become a monthly supporter. Now, if you're watching and you're from a different nation, you may find that the giving form doesn't work for you. It should adjust to your currency and to your location. But if it doesn't, you can give to YouTube or Facebook. But I'm asking you, please first try the giving form and then if you absolutely have to use YouTube and Facebook giving as a last resort because Facebook and YouTube take their cuts as well. But I'm asking everyone to do that now and I can see they've passed out the envelopes. Thank you for doing that. Those of you who passed that out and I'm asking those of you here, consider what you're giving today. Some of you consider this your weekly gathering, your home church. I'm asking you to pay tithes and offerings as you would to any other church if this is your home church and you watching the line, give as the Lord leads. Give as the Lord leads. All of it counts. Don't say oh, someone else will do it. Everything counts and it really only takes a couple of minutes and you can join with us. Everybody does what the Spirit is leading them to do. This ministry will continue to grow.  Father in the name of Jesus, I pray for each and every giver tonight. I pray for those online. I pray for those present. I pray for those who are giving when they watch the replay. You would bless your people Lord. Bring in resources from unexpected places. Prosper them. They might be a blessing to your kingdom. Father, I pray you give our ministry wisdom in using these resources to further your gospel in your kingdom. In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. And the church said, and the church said, and the church said, amen. Well, thank you to those of you who've joined us online. Hey, if you haven't done so already, make sure you subscribe to my channel and when you do, click that notification bell so that you can receive notices when we put out new content and we release content quite regularly. I put out teachings on the Holy Spirit, prayers, spiritual warfare, these deeper realities of God and these deeper realities of scripture. We do this in a biblically balanced way. You'll also see footage of the power of the Holy Spirit in action from all around the world. So subscribe today and again, click that notification bell when you do. Thank you for watching. And until next time, remember, nothing is impossible with God.