On the day before her 26th birthday, Undertale and Delta Rune artist Temmie Chang shared a present with the internet. She was finally ready to publish her very first game. She was a little embarrassed by it, as it was only a short affair, just 20 minutes or so, and it didn't have much gameplay. She joked that it could be called, Tem learns how switches work, the game. Yet in spite of Temmie's hesitation, her short game very quickly found a dedicated audience of players. It was hard not to love this small title, as it was filled with beautiful, atmospheric art and wonderful animation. This is the story of escaped chasm, and how Temmie Chang went from being a game artist to a game developer. Temmie began work on her first game at around the same time that Delta Rune was released to the world. She had worked closely with game developer Toby Fox on Undertale before this, drawing much of the artwork for the game, but Delta Rune featured even more of her unique art style and visual aesthetic. Toby stated that if something looked good in Delta Rune, it was probably Temmie that had drawn it. Temmie had an idea in her head for a game that she'd like to make herself, featuring characters of her own design that she'd been working on for a while. But this project felt intimidating and far too ambitious. So in order to figure out how to go about making a game, she decided to try something a bit more achievable first. Escaped Chasm was to be built in RPG Maker, a versatile yet easy to use program that had also been used by people like Temmie's friend Laura Shigihara to make her critically acclaimed story-driven game, Rakuen. But even though this program was intended to simplify the game-making process, Temmie felt the need to read up extensively on how to get everything to work. Making Escaped Chasm would be a learning exercise, and she didn't want to overexert herself. She'd have to leave elements like a battle system and even a pause menu for a future project as she'd just focused on learning to tell a simple story in a video game world. But while Temmie wanted to keep Escaped Chasm simple, she still wanted to make something special. Her greatest talent was art and animation, and she worked very hard to give her game its own distinct visual style. This included spending the first few months of development working on animating some beautiful 2D animated cutscenes to appear in the game. This was what would really set Escaped Chasm apart from other RPG Maker games, as the mixture of gameplay and animation made the story all the more powerful. Temmie spent three or four months animating these short segments in her spare time, and another couple of weeks creating the sprite art for the game. She struggled a little with making a game font that she was happy with, but before long, all of the game's art assets were completed. Having done her research and prepared fully, Temmie was surprised to discover that actually building Escaped Chasm in RPG Maker only took an accumulation of four or five days' work. At first, there was no game, and then suddenly, Escaped Chasm was finished, except for one element. While Temmie was very experienced at making art for games, and while she could get her head around the challenges of building a game in RPG Maker, there was still one skill she lacked. Even from the start of the project, Temmie hadn't known what to do about the game's music. She'd played around with a program called BFXR to make sound effects for Escaped Chasm, but it was clear that she was in over her head when it came to creating a soundscape for her work. It was frustrating. Temmie could almost imagine a tune or simple melody to include in her game, but she had no way of turning it into something concrete. She couldn't even find a way to adequately record any music that she came up with in her head, and she found herself wishing that music composition was more like sketching. That at least came easy to her. Temmie fretted over the music for her game for the entire time she was working on the project. She even wondered if she could get away with releasing Escaped Chasm with no sounds or music whatsoever. With everything else wrapped up on her game, and still no idea of what to do with this challenge, Temmie decided to move on for the moment. She began plotting out a second game, which would feature many of the elements that she'd not been quite ready to put into Escaped Chasm. This new game would be more ambitious, and would push her further to learn new skills. For weeks, Temmie's fans waited patiently for news on her first little game. And then, on the day before her birthday, Temmie revealed it to the world, releasing it for free on itch.io, and even publishing it under a Creative Commons non-commercial license so that fans could legally use her art assets in their own hobby projects. But how did she solve the problem of the game's sounds? Ultimately, unable to figure out how to make music herself, Temmie had turned to her friends. The sound design for the game's cutscenes had been done by the musical duo Fat Bard, while Hiveswap composer James Roach had also worked on a very special scene in the game. Finally, for the in-game music, Temmie had turned to her friend Toby Fox. Toby was, first and foremost, a composer, so it made sense for him to help Temmie on her game, just as she had helped him on his two games. The pair both have skills that complement each other, and Toby was able to compose some wonderful atmospheric music that works well with Temmie's game world. Temmie felt a bit sheepish upon release of Escaped Chasm. She hoped that nobody would be disappointed that it was only a short game, with very little challenge. To her surprise, the game got a lot more attention than she'd ever anticipated. People everywhere were playing her game and saying such nice things about the beautiful experience she'd crafted. Temmie was pretty embarrassed by all the attention, but she was also very appreciative and grateful. Inspired and emboldened, she rededicated herself to making her next game even better, safe in the knowledge that her fans would continue to support her as she tried to learn new things. The moral of the story is that it's always fun to try something new. In Making Escaped Chasm, Temmie Chang wanted to learn a new skill, so she did her research, came up with a small story she could tell, and put it together. She made a game that fitted her existing talents. When she lacked knowledge or experience to create what she wanted, she turned to others. She read up on guides to learn what she could, and she asked for help where she felt she was completely out of her depth. Don't let yourself be paralysed by the daunting task of learning a new skill. Don't think that your first new project will need to be perfect. Set yourself achievable goals, play to your strengths, and push yourself just enough that you learn something without being overwhelmed by trying to meet a high standard. Keep trying new things, don't be afraid to fail, and bit by bit, little by little, you'll make progress towards what you want to achieve.


Everybody Jay and Forrest here ripping 2023 NT baseball hobby four box case number nine picker team style Brandon S Marlins Brian Jay rays Cameron G. Guardians Cody W. Cardinals Dana has the Giants Daniel with the Brewers Dave K Royals Dean with the Angels and the Dodgers Yes, both LA teams Derek are Orioles Francis M. Reds Jeffrey S. Red Sox Jeremy P Cubs Joel M. Rockies John C. Astros and And Padres John M. Diamondbacks Jonathan P Yankees Johnny a athletics Keith has The Mets and Braves Costa the Jays Matt G. Twins Matthias Tigers Ron S. Phillies Ryan and Nationals Ryan E. White Sox Scott G Rangers Timothy M. Mariners and Tom with the Pirates I'm gonna get a checklist up for this. I'm gonna get started NG baseball here we go. Oh, it's Rockies Tigers Astros. If I have to go next NT It is true that the playing style clashes with Luca because Luca is the point guy with the ball in the sand Let me take him over Brunson. Obviously usually we have good players that you don't just let him go I do like a sign-in trade type of situation Here we go. Look everybody It is a Harold Baines legendary materials for the White Sox out of 75 jumbo bat relic Baines for the White Sox Colossal Jersey Kobe Mayo Orioles prospect there at 49 a Cam Collier retro materials for Cincinnati to 99 like Cal Ripken out of 49 the game used bat relic The Orioles is a nice Yankees hit here to 25 is gonna be ever since Pereira on card has quietly Climb the prospect rankings for the Yankees Those of you that follow it will know that he is good But some of it keep keeping it if you guys don't follow prospecting keep a name on Pereira or die on Pereira Gonna be in it pretty good Yanks Do old Jersey autograph Reggie Crawford for San Francisco to 99 you go 30 left and all Monac tomorrow guys on fanatics live chasing late and golden tickets We go Crawford for San Francisco Nice on-card rookie auto here to 99 Taj Bradley for Tampa Taj Mahal.  Hey, nice Go Tampa Taj and clutch factor Jersey auto Red Sox Masataka Yoshida 16 of 49 here we go Yoshida for the Red Sox to 49 Up there on fanatics live Maddox live exclusive all the next get your link here. Give me a sec by them right there That's linked to the specific show So you can buy them right there Maddox live exclusive late and golden tickets Golden ticket signifies the top five chase cards in the person's run of almanac. You also get something special In the package What is he even talking about right now? Oh my goodness got a remind Jay family friendly talking about cards. I'm a card. I'm talking about cards.  It looks like a like a windbreaker Jumbo relic for the twins there on the auto Emmanuel Rodriguez booklet. Okay next up rookie patch Six of ten is Gavin Williams Guardians Partial baseball patch right there. No man Jersey rookie. It's a 49 Bobby Miller Dodgers Dodgers Next up is one of the inserts here always nice looking is Steve Carlton Lefty there to 99. Yeah, the 99 on the treasured stats 144 pick offs. I guess when you're a lefty That sounds about right? 144 is still a lot though That's yeah, it's an accomplishment. You still have to have a really good move for that, you know That relic the kid for Seattle to 25 Ken Griffey Junior all right into the autos now dual Jersey autograph Max Muncie to 99 a's Sweet Muncie like to look at that car with the yellow jerseys in it. If the next trade for James Weisman Next got more problems than none Dual Jersey autograph for the Cardinals Cooper's jerk to 99. Oh, man Vaughn just spoke down to existence The Knicks are watching Vaughn, they're gonna use they're gonna use your idea. They're gonna be like Anki's we're in the cone zone now David Cone auto to 25 go even cone Colossal Jersey autograph diamond backs Jordan Lawler to 49 That's the that's the initial pump it lauler Pump it. Come on Penn State. I love come on Penn State. You lose it. Yeah Miss good team Jersey auto laula and a Masataka Yoshida patch auto to 25 Boston To boxes to Yoshida's for Jeffrey s Nice Eight would be a better move than Weisman do Weisman be that So we're at five dig where it's five to go still crazy. Yeah, still at five on NT next bag of chips You think you'd be able to get like a bag of Cape Cod chips or it would be like wise brand or something Store There we go We go Why isn't so bad? I guess more of like store brands Although my favorite tortilla chips are publics to a tea. They have the green wise has like sweet potato tortilla chips They're not traditional tortillas, but they're so good sweet potato tortilla chips to fire Love them. So pretty much almost like terracotta chips Kind of yeah. Yeah, it's like terracotta chips. Yeah, because No reason. I don't like when they did tape like that. It's because it has that weird arch We're kind of like laps over Possible to cut all right. It's a plate in there. It looks like first up We've got a warren spawn legendary materials to 10 for the brave. That's Milwaukee Braves by the way The one of the brave triple relic Got a jersey card of big poppy to 99. I'll be That's in Detroit. Look at that. Why do you use the field gear from Detroit? I guess it's a cool photo red socks Barry Larkin bat relic out of 49 going to the Reds How's it going Maya? Bobby wood jr. Sarthens stripes Jersey to 49 Kansas City player worn on the wit Jersey autograph going to the nationals here James Wood 90 of 99 treasure material auto Defendant would have been cool. That's a cool photo of him though. I will say very cool printing plates Relic auto is that Raphael for call for the Braves one of one that's fire That's fire. That's Raphael for call at Atlanta. It's Keith Jay man Relic auto printing plate one of one. That's pretty neat, dude He had some great seasons Oh boy, what a name that is Jersey auto here going to Texas. Luis and hello, cune it a 99 nice. Luis on hell could push for a Spot of the Metz roster this year the big league roster You should I think you will you should Find a place for him to play, dude Brooks Lee on the RPA or the patch auto to 99 Here you go twins Brooks Lee patch auto to 99 great prospects. I just went to a card show dude New Year's Eve weekend card show sounds kind of cool Printing play or not pretty play putter our redemption Jackson choreo the future auto Milwaukee Hey To be sick dude the future autos should be all acetate surface. They look gorgeous Jackson choreo for the brewers And it's thicky A patch auto migari to 10 for the Phillies griff migari three colored Phillies jumbo patch I showed it first. I think the first time now. I got to reopen the box I stacked it Yeah, what a way out of order. Yeah Pretty sure I showed her the first time Got a good game going here Let's just do this Seems a lot easier than trying to cut through A weird pocket of air with a tape. Whoa, what is that? All right, here we go Future fame america's past time to 150 jersey auto book ellie dala cruise What a card for cincy good-looking book That's fire. I couldn't even tell who was in the front as you can say I was like, oh, what's this gonna be just an ellie Here we go. Heck yeah reds Since going to frances There we go Jumbo jersey is gray rod ricky for baltimore out of 99 49 49 excuse me to 49 And we have a colossal patch car lucian jalapunia for texas nine of 10 four colors for texas texas texas That's our santa like j Be wearing his cowboy hat and stuff. Hey, here we go All right, let me check spots here and we'll finish up Looks like we are at two two on each of the next two breaks actually Just four total teams left for the daytime everybody Again, this is your last night of group breaks At least on youtube and twitch Of 2023 everybody We'll have sam and shaun see all length signs tonight Uh astros and the marlins astros and the marlins There you go somebody finally woke up Warning it's 1 p.m Got a griffy to 99 treasured stats for seattle That is a satchel page to 15 game used jersey That's cool. Yeah coach worn coach worn. Sorry. I'm not playing that but play Coach worn satchel page for atlanta. Nice Braves jersey card there. That's a cool one Triple jersey auto is brady house gnats to 99 Brady house Oh That's having a solid break House and wood daniel espino patch auto to 99 cleveland Here we go partial numbers there good patch guardians in the espino We got midnight color match twos is a white sock colson montgomery patch auto to 25 There we go sneaky good prospect to it. He's own white socks. They're not a lot to talk about him Yeah, but he's the top 30. I'm gonna be prospect right now something to something around there. Here we go great hit for the white socks Uh miguel blais jersey auto to 99 for boston really good break for boston too Padres great maddox auto seven of ten padres maddox.  All right. Let's go ahead and recap again We just have two teams on sale left for the next one Again astros marlins both on sale So i'll show the books real quick. We'll get those packed away This is a jersey auto book for the twins of a manuel rodriguez We also had a jersey auto book Of elli dealer cruz elli to 150 congrats reds relics we've got big poppy cam collier That's cal ripkin barry larkin bobby miller bobby witt Grayson rodriguez coby mayo ken griffy jr. As a mariner satchel page with the braves air coach worn That is louison helicunia and gabin williams autos here Plex first taj bradley everson perrera david cone Maddox as a padre And miguel blais redsox daniel aspino brady house Brooks lee louison helicunia as a ranger james wood Cooper chirp Now we've got max muncie taj bradley with the taj ali bradley jersey auto there reggie crawford jordan luller masataki yoshida colson montgomery masataki yoshida a griff mcgarry printing plate relic auto as for call for the braves on the one of one We had a broovers redemption jackson choreo the future The future y'all that does it moving on now to the next case


Welcome to Shrink Rap Hawaii. I am Steven Philip Katz, a practicing marriage and family therapist at Hunley. Every two weeks I chat with other professionals whose lives are dedicated to helping others. Today is my delight to welcome back Dr. Sarah Sarkis. We are going to explore the goals of therapy and ask the question, is happiness just another cage? Welcome back Dr. Sarkis. Thanks for having me. Good to be back. What do you mean by that? Well, what I mean is that when we ask our patients questions like how are you, we compel them to put themselves on a continuum. I'm fine, or I'm not fine, or I'm good. How many? Exactly. And it sort of artificially forces the person to put themselves on a scale of good or bad. And so whatever you answer, it just becomes a cage. And there's this expression that good is just another cage. Meaning then you have to maintain good. Because if you're not good, then you're bad. So that is what I meant by that. Is it better to ask how are you feeling today? Sure. And I don't necessarily, there's probably really skilled therapists that open with how are you. So, you know, everybody's got their own jive that they have to come to. But for my particular style, it's been more beneficial to ask a question that allows them to ponder that we're all of it. We're good, we're not great, we have areas where we're really confident. We have areas where we feel really insecure and that that's not pathologic. That's the human condition. To feel all these things. Yes. And I think that part of our role as humans, just trying to figure it out, but in our profession as therapists is to convey to our patients that emotional dexterity, the ability to sort of fluidly move through different emotional states without necessarily judging whether or not it's good or bad, you know, kind of eases the human condition. Because then you're not like, oh I feel sad, I'm depressed. Now there is real, as you know, there's real clinical depression. But in my opinion, a lot of it is just sort of jargon that people pick up. Like, oh why are you here to see me today? Because I'm depressed.  You feel sad, that's a very normal emotion. So isn't that just another word for depressed, sad? No. To me, depression is like a syndrome. Sad, greed. You mean like the VSM-5? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Pathology. It's a pathology. We want to be in their interior world of emotions and then determine whether or not it seems, I'm even reluctant to use the word pathologic, but it's our job in that assessment period to sort of figure out, is this more than just grieving? I mean situational. Yes, exactly. The trait qualities versus state. Right. And so some of it is normalizing what people experience. So if I come in and I say, you know, suddenly I just find my side, I just find tears rolling down my eyes and I don't know why. Does that mean I'm sad? Well, we would have to explore that. We would have to find out where the tears are generated from and that would really be the starting point with which you could try to engage the person around their interior world. So the goal isn't necessarily to cheer somebody up? No. Not necessarily. Right. It sounded like the grim reaper. But no. I mean... No, but that's what you're talking about emotionally, dexterity. Yes. And also what you talked about in other writing that you did about being able to be uncomfortable. Yes. Yes. You have to... I think there's a part of the human condition that requires us to tolerate sitting in uncomfortable interpersonal dynamics and interpersonal dynamics. So that is one of, I think, one of the goals we can model in the interpersonal dynamic with a patient and that we can also carve the space out within the therapeutic room. So in the therapeutic relationship, would it be appropriate for me as therapist to say, you know, I'm feeling really sad. Something you said is making me feel really sad. Would that be appropriate? Well, I don't know if I would can say whether or not I think it would be appropriate because it would be dependent on so many different things including the relationship. But I would say this that I think anytime we can genuinely reflect the empathic experience we're having of the patient, I think there's healing value in that. Because humans that feel connected, genuinely connected, don't suffer as much. And we know that from the research with geriatric patients and how, you know, when a spouse of like 50 years dies often the other spouse dies fairly quickly after that or, you know, now we know through like the research with like therapeutic animals and sense of community that we're a mammal that thrives with connection. It's the only way we survive. So if you can make empathic statements that are accurate, your patient is going to feel connected. They might not feel better. But if we can, I think that part of what we do is we bear witness. So you're not fixing their problems. They're not broken. They're just going through life but you bear witness. You share the emotional experience and that in and of itself is healing. Yeah. Paradoxically, if somebody just feels heard, you know, so many times I feel like I'm not doing anything or I'll repeat back, I'll parrot back what the client said. So what I hear you say is you're feeling a lot of pain and they'll go, yes, that's it. Like I'm a psychic. It just said to me, I'm in a lot of pain. And I said, you're in a lot of pain. How did you know? You know, because I listened. And we really are sort of in the business of listening in a unique way that doesn't happen in the regular world. Right. You know, kind of through no fault of the regular world. It just is the way it is.  Yeah. Yes. Trying to fix it. Yes. Right. Especially as a male, which gets into the gender patterns of how our brain works. It's just neurology. Somebody told me that's called mansplaining. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Guys want to fix things. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's tinkering. Right. Yeah. It's on the car. See, I know that I can't do that on the car. Yeah. Right. So I don't, I think, you know, You've saved yourself a lot of hardship. Yeah. I just say, wow, that must feel terrible. Yeah.  Don't handle it. Yeah. Yes. So, but why is it different?  Don't try to fix it. Just listen to me. She's like, no, literally. You have a nail in your head. Yes. Yeah. So I mean, well, why is it different? Right. Like if I'm sitting- Because you're not married to the person, which is by the way like- No, but if you were the therapist, you would still tell the person they got a nail in their head. Yes. Right? And you alleviate the pain, take the nail out. I wish it was like that emotionally, like- Ah. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Like, oh, wow, I got a leg cramp.  Mm-hmm. Oh, I feel terribly sad. Oh, do this. Well, there are tactical things you can do. Yeah. So you're still male. You really just want to fix it. No. But there are tactical things- No, I'm just curious why it doesn't work the same way. Yes. Because it's emotions. And they're very different. You know, when we- I guess when we rose above instinct, you know, we like- You think we rose above instinct? Only moderately. Yeah. But, you know, we're one notch up. But yeah, I mean, it is different. Yeah. But I do think speaking to that urge, because we are people who like to help, you know, we want to be helpful. I've been trying to liberate myself from that for years. But they- Oh, yeah, last time we said we were going to go into why did you choose this profession? Oh, yeah. But so the- there are those tactical things you can do when somebody's in acute pain, right? Right. We offer sort of suggestions and takeaways. And to me, that's like- that's our equivalent of saying like, well, yeah, you got a nail in your forehead, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So we were talking before about the- what I call the typical dynamic of the woman who is very passionate and the guy who's totally out of touch with his feelings. And that's a very common combination that I run into doing couples counseling, right? Yeah. And it's so hard for both of them, right? Because the guy just wants to run away if it's the guy. Yeah. Right? It's not always that way. Yeah. Right? We can speak in generality. Okay. Liberate. I'm a passionate one. Yeah.  Talk to me. Yes. Well, how do you feel? How do you feel? That's what we're always asking. How do you feel? Yeah. How do you feel? And the guy's like, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. What do you do with that? Well, it would depend on the particular man and as you understood why he sort of disintegrated from himself because beyond the generalities that our society does sort of tend to ask men, boys, at an earlier age to, you know, separate their feelings out. But each person has their own little interior narrative, right? Right. And once you understood that, you as the therapist, you could connect to that. And you could draw the man's awareness to that, whatever it, you know, whatever it was, what series of things that were unique to his environment. Even like in his childhood. Dynamics growing up, childhood, loss, grief, whatever it was, right? And with that, that's insight is when you start to understand that your past contributes significantly to who you are now. And so you draw awareness to that and then each time it happens, oh, there's that thing again that happens for you. And slowly my experience has been like as a human and a therapist that people reconnect with themselves. He'll find his way. You mean get in touch with his feelings? Yes. His expression is. It's not to make him look more like her. Right. Right. But make him look more like him. We'll come right back. We have to take a break. We'll be back with Dr. Sarah Sarkis. Don't go away. Aloha, Kako. I'm Marcia Joyner inviting you to navigate the journey with us. We are here every Wednesday morning at 11 a.m. and we really want you to be with us where we look at the options and choices of end of life care. Aloha. Hi, I'm Chris Lethem with The Economy and You and I'd like to invite you each week to come watch my show each Wednesday at 3 p.m. I've got the Beagle Sisters here with a healthy tip. We encourage you to enjoy the food you eat this holiday season and keep it local and healthy. Yeah. Rainbow. Yeah. Rainbow. And if you need any produce, come to the red bar on the north shore. Aloha. This is Akina with the Weekly Ehana Kako. Let's work together program on the ThinkTac Hawaii Broadcast Network Mondays at 2 o'clock p.m. Movers and shakers and great ideas. Join us. We'll see you then. Aloha. Welcome back. I'm still Steve Katz and this is still Dr. Sarah Sarkis. And you just asked me an interesting question. We were talking about couples. Yes. We were talking about different subjects and you said, how do you sustain connection for a long time? Yes. Right?  Yes. And now they got to look at each other. Yes. And it's like panic. It's like, who are you? Who are you? What have I done? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. It happened. Where do you start? Frequently. With that couple? Yeah. Well, it would depend on what stories they, you know, came in with. I like to go golfing and she wants to go to see chick flicks. And you know, if I ask, if I, we want to go on a date, and then she's got to tell me like which way to get there and how I made a wrong turn in all this stuff. And it, and we never even get to the movies. We get mad. We get into the fight. We go home. Yeah. That's just noise to keep them from having to actually connect. Right? You just sort of sit with it and wade through it. And some relationships are not salvageable. Right. By the way, some relationships sometimes you uncover that what had unified them was the kids. For good or ill, they stayed together for the kids.  Right. I see them. I work with them. I enjoy them.  No, but you're right. I don't have an agenda either. Yeah, you go in. It's not up to me to decide if they should stay together or break up. Exactly. Yeah.  Yeah. And, you know, I would think in those first few weeks you ask a lot of questions like to her, you'd say, what did you hear him say? Right, because they don't hear each other. Because you're literally trying to understand how their brain works. Yeah. How do they process each other verbally, physically? How are they interpreting the other person's sort of intent? Oh, it's so hard. Because they're busy making up an answer. They're not listening. Yes. Right? And you should play that game where they have to repeat what the other person said and they can't do it. They can't do it. Or they do it like I love when patients say to me, they'll be like, I thought about something that you said this week. I'm like, oh, what did I say? Because I'm always so interested to see. What they heard. In the game of telephone, what did they hear that I said? No. And you get the full spectrum of answers, which reveals so much data. And I always say to patients, we're just collecting data. These are just data points. And we're going to plot it. Or I use the metaphor of a puzzle. It's like, we're going to turn all the pieces over. Then we're going to build the borders. And then we're going to start really figuring out the interior. But all of it's just data. Like, oh, that's how she processes information.  It's funny when you first said that, when you said something you said, I thought about something you said last week, right? At first I thought you were playing the wife saying to the husband, and like as the husband, I was getting defensive. Oh no, here we go.  Bring it on or where's the door? Yes, exactly. Where's my escape hatch? Yeah, yeah. And the escape hatch for a lot of men is what we were talking about earlier, is that there's a strong capacity to press pause on your emotional experience of something while it's happening. And in a certain environment like a hunter, that is an incredible gift. There's other environments professionally and all kinds of environments where the capacity to feel your emotions second, but be absorbing things at a very practical level first, really served men so well. And so it's like most emotional traits. It's a coin, and so on one side of the coin, it's a superpower. And if you flip that same coin over, it's your greatest liability. And everybody has these traits. And one of the goals of therapy I always say is to give people, give us a little bit more leverage over which side of the coin is face up. The superpower or the vulnerability. To choose. To choose, to be aware of when it is happening and sort of mitigate. So why do you go choose? You don't think it's really a choice? I think it becomes possible for it to be a choice. But that takes a long process that isn't just cognitive. Right. It's an interior experience first. And then we gain the capacity to sort of make the choice like, oh yeah, I'm doing that again. There I am doing it. I just pressed the emotional pause button. Let me try to tap back yet. Or like you said before, I think you said this off the air, that with some people you want to try to regulate the emotions. Yes, modulation. You want to be able to pause like some people can. Like the woman with the passion. Right. And passion is a really good word to use because it's a perfect example of how passion can be something that's really captivating and draws you in. Right. But if the environment is right and you flip that same coin over, it can become unpredictable. Right. And so with somebody that's trying to modulate or regulate passion, they would have the opposite process than the person that's trying to learn how to stay present. Right. Stay emotionally present. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And two people often are drawn together who are the opposite ends of the spectrum because it's when it's good, it's like, oh, this person is so well grounded. He's not going to go crazy. And then he bores you to death later.  He's a bore or he's dishonest. He's emotionally dishonest. Yeah. He can't get in touch with his feelings. Yes. Yes. I have a whole blog on this, this part of connection and sort of how we're drawn to chemistry. It's on my blog, but I look at it through the lens of like looking at this scene in Star Wars that I love. But it's this exact premise that like in the early days of lust at this unconscious level, we're drawn to people. Right. And we don't really know why, but it's like, it's intoxicating. Oh, it's a right. And then years north of the lust, the coin flips over and you start to see the unconscious subtext of why we were drawn to certain people like the guy that you dated or the woman that you dated and you just thought she was just so fun and she was like laid back and she loved to have a good time.  Right. That's sort of the very quintessential... How did this happen? Exactly. And this is exactly how. Because we fit together like sort of lock and key. Right. It's like one of my favorite lines from Rocky where like Paulie proposes to Adrienne and Paulie's like, whoa, why you like my sister? And he's like, I don't know, she's got gaps. I got gaps. Together we fill gaps. And that's that premise of like, we just fit together and it's years in that you're like, oh, that was the fine print on the contract and I didn't read it. Right. But then the goal of therapy hopefully will be to understand that and embrace the other person knowing them better, knowing them more fully and understanding both sides of the coin. Yeah, I don't know if I would necessarily completely agree with that that's the goal of therapy. It might be the goal of the couple. But for me as the therapist, the goal is to create a space where each person can sort of over time be their most authentic self and be present. Right. And then you can look at each other as the couple and you can decide whether or not this is something you are still in love with or that's workable. And so I just try to, for my own space because good is just another cage. So sometimes couples staying together is just another, it's just them enduring it. So I try to stay equidistant. Do you have a judgment about that? What do you mean? If they're just enduring it. Not if they're both coming to that from a place of empowerment. If they both are like, you know, this works and we're not madly in love but we work well together, we enjoy traveling. Whatever the fine print on the paper. It's good enough. If that's what they come to, they don't have to, the world doesn't need to reflect my values. It needs to reflect authentically their values. But it's really hard not letting your values get in the way. It's something where you have to be really mindful. And you know, there are certain things that you can't help but have your opinions in a way. But you know, we do our best to make it about their journey and them figuring themselves out. So we touched on a little bit. You said, well maybe this will just tickle it open today. I asked you a question about the whole beauty question.  You're beautiful, they're beautiful, and they don't think they're beautiful. What is that about? That is like, we would have to have like a five hour summit. We should do that. We should. We should get a panel of, you should or no show, get a panel of people and we really should engage more in a dialogue around what is happening. That A, we'd have to define beauty. Right. And what's happening for women that... They all can. They all point to each other and say, yes, she's beautiful, I'm not. Usually if you go back into their story and you really start to hear the messages and the modeling that they had. As kids. And their family of origin, their community of origin. You're going to have a pretty clear understanding of why that is the way it is. And on top of... But it's rampant. I know, because I was going to say, on top of that we live in a global society that really does put a currency on beauty. Right. We got to go. It's been a delight, and as I said it would be, and a pleasure to have Dr. Sarah Sarkis on the show again. And what are you doing for the next, you know, every other Tuesday? No, thank you so much. Thanks. Thanks for having me.


Check the mic and make sure it sound right boy Be on the safer side, whenever you're on the board and then you fall off with it Come out from the water, just in case a face about to hit you It can rather hit your head If the face hits any part of your body, you don't have a problem but it shouldn't get to your head At one class session, but because it's a beginner's class I'm going to break it down into three sessions So first, I'm going to teach you how to lie down on the board properly And then the nose This shows us to lie down on the board in a very good position So as a beginner, this is what you have to do Let's just say we're all learning it for the first time And aside, we don't need to rush, you have to take your time No need to be in a rush to take any wave If you're waving some protein and you're not ready for the wave You let the wave go by and then you try the next wave Now this is what you have to do, you watch me closely In there, you're going to be standing in But yeah, I just want to be on my knees So first, you lay your right hand here at these two points like this And then when you go in there, I'm going to teach you don't worry When you go in there, your body is facing this way Your body is facing this way See, your right hand, this is how it goes If your left hand is this way I'm right on that side, choose to go this way And then from where you stand When you see the waves The whites When you see the waves approaching You count three seconds I'll tell you why you need to count The three seconds that you're going to count Is to enable you to wait for the waves To get closer to the tail of your board Before you lie down Which means when you start counting On the third count, the waves that are getting closer To the tail of your board, then you lie down So I'm going to count three seconds Three seconds that I'm going to count It's going to be his steps That is my way, okay So my right hand here My left hand in the middle I look back, I start counting Three seconds, one, two, three This is the third count Three seconds, three, two, one Push, and then you slide down One, you have to make sure you have your feet Touching the tail of the board Two, your hands should be More like a chicken wing And then three, you look straight With your chest a bit up Okay Alright, I'm going to take it one last time Three seconds One, two, three You push, and then you slide Slowly No need to be nervous Just take your time So your hand shouldn't be like this You don't put your hand on the board like this No You don't hold your board this way No It stays right like this That makes it easier for you to get up Okay Okay, so now I think we're going to turn over our board And then we try that here before we continue Very good Okay Mind you Don't push your left forward Okay, it should stay right there It's your right that is moving Okay, so let's go One See and watch me


Five panellists, five topical issues, no holds barred. For me it's not knowledge that's lacking.  We're almost becoming hardwired to try and cheat. I would, you know, suggest that we begin to hold our leaders accountable. There was a time in this country when things actually work. I don't think that any organization should be above the law. And I think one of the challenges we have in this country is about governance across the board. What I'm saying is that it doesn't really affect us in Nigeria. It does! I don't know what we can do if the system is already corrupted. We've been warned as a continent of the influx of the Chinese.  Welcome to The Advocate, panelists discuss thought-provoking topics in a no-holds-bad manner. In other words, we call a spade a spade. I'm advocating for the need for an electoral college in Nigeria. Late American politician Edward Kennedy once said, the Constitution does not just protect those whose views we share. It also protects those with whose views we disagree. Today, Joyce is continuing from where she stopped last week as she continues on this matter of constitution. It is important we speak for a new and better constitution. And finally, Coyote is asking how we decide who the victim is in various situations. Stay with us. The need for electoral college in Nigeria. At Independence, Nigeria held great optimism. Political commentaries across the globe testified that there was a considerable emergence of a strong nation to lead Africa out of the dungeon occasioned by colonialism. It was an easy prediction. All indicators of a prosperous nation were available, natural resources, the human resources, the capital resources were not lacking. We could not boast of an array of ideological political leaders across board. However, 60 years after independence, we were seeing that the predictions were true. The country had a fruitful first republic and has seized to progress. It has become saddled with the constant threat of insecurity, a weakened security system. Worse, it became the poverty capital of the world. It is obvious that Nigeria has a leadership crisis inherent in her political system. The role of leadership cannot be oversized. Its leadership that directs, initiates and combines other resources into meaningful development. The absence of it, as it is in Nigeria, is a state of continuous underdevelopment. Therefore, it becomes a necessity for a new ideology to educate, enlighten and encourage political participation. The Electoral College, Nigeria fails to void and the need with its mandate to usher in a new Nigeria. The Electoral College, Nigeria is a service organization that was set up by individuals first in practical politics and governance. The Electoral College, Nigeria is non-partisan, non-governmental and is an initiative of the Emerging Leaders Advancement Forum that's a branch out of young Nigerians who span from politics, patriotism, development professionals to everyday Nigerians born void of an ideological democracy in Nigeria. The college's objectives to improve politicity within the electorate by providing civic education to the electorate provide training for party delegates and aspiring candidates to champion the cause for electoral reforms and constitutional amendments. In less than a year, the college has been part of student leadership summits in universities across Nigeria. It has also promoted actual electoral etiquette in the election school of leadership in primary schools and secondary schools across Nigeria. Under the stewardship of its executive director, the college has continued to educate Nigerians during the COVID-19 pandemic launching its online virtual class on politicity and governance for aspiring candidates and the electorate. The executive director has reiterated on many occasions that Nigerians with its high level of intellect are poor in political literacy. He stated that the key to this is understanding political offices, functions, jurisdictions as provided by the constitution. The college also understands that the quality of debates for political office don't necessarily show the electorate, the jurisdiction of the office sought. It's noted this is a key tool to candidate selection and also the college held the Lagos East by Election Editorial Debate in which candidates were asked questions within jurisdiction of office helping the electorate make informed decisions and choices. Understanding the ongoing of the political terrain in Nigeria, what's most key is political literacy for the electorate to select individuals appropriate for office to also help delegates with candidate selections and candidates in political office to understand jurisdictions of the office they serve in. Hence the advocacy and work with the Electoral College in Nigeria. So my question is how do we all get involved in the Electoral College? I need to be a student there because everything you just said, I need to learn. Yeah, there's so much to learn particularly looking at the line of what you really stand for and what you want to achieve as Electoral College. Where do we start from? Who has the right to be a member? Actually the college is built for everybody in Nigeria. We organize of course virtual and physical classes so anybody can sign up. We just finished our fourth cohort and looking at it we expect to educate every Nigerian but that's a big task. So we've reduced the task to about 1 billion Nigerians for 2023. Fantastic. We hope that works because we need the information. It's not in the mainstream educational curriculum anyway. So we might as well I think growing up there was this course we did or the subject we did in primary secondary school which is called Governments at the point you were sticking out of the syllabus. Really? Yeah, at the point. Now what that did for us then was that it gave you a little history about what happens what you're learning, where you're coming from as a people and that also lets you know the rights and the strengths you have as a voter. The reason I really buy into the Electoral College is stuff, not just like the American one but the reason I buy into it for Nigeria is that I believe that a lot of people need to be sensitized. We need orientation and reorientation. A lot of people have understood how the system worked back then. They've forgotten how it works. A lot of people have forgotten what it even means to vote. How to vote. A lot of people don't even know how to vet their candidates and most importantly one thing I wish this Electoral College do is to say we focus too much on the presidency. The focus is not the president. It's the senators, the parliamentarians, the state government, the local government chairmen. I'm sure all of that is better. We run it. There are 22 modules in the course known as Politracy 101. There are 22 modules. It takes you and walks through the local government the legislative houses down to the local government. It also goes to post elections which is result coalition and other points. Issues with judicial mishaps when it comes to debating points. We go all through the entire system of politics and governance. We might not have good examples in Nigeria but of course we try to create out of what which exists. We teach what already is. What should be which is by the constitution then we will tell you what is and we will tell you what the problem in between the two are. So that we leave you with a clear picture of how it should be. We go as far as even teaching our students manifestos and campaign messaging. Now this is not for them to run for office. If you choose to run for office, it's beautiful. But so that the electorate should understand what to expect.  It's not within his or her purview. Well her purview. We have to be delicate. He's her purview. So it's not within his or her purview. And we also get to the point that we try to make clear that governance there's something we preach the most. Governance does not have any gender. Meaning there's no position that a man or woman cannot achieve. Governance is governance. It's deliverable. It's not based. And we also do something funny within our class system which I know she would love. We do not take in a class if we do not have at least 49% female participation. It's something we don't do. I will tell you, we've pulled that across time. And I would say also even within the structure of the Electoral College in Nigeria, we have volunteers across the structure. I'll tell you, women make up at least 73% of its position and our positions. We even don't I remember a funny thing that happened. We were to hold a meeting to prepare for the fourth cohort on Vars Day and the women were like no, they can't attend. They sent it to the needs of humans. Human face. So we try to work within that and we also understand that in Africa, if you bring the women into political participation you can only bring in a woman and you're bringing another generation. We have understood that. We've understood that within the Electoral College and we've seen the rise of women that have been our students. Our KPIs are massive. We have a situation of I think within the second cohort and someone decided he was going to run for office but this time within a professional capacity and I remember it was the NBA chairman of Asaba and they've never had somebody under 50 and this guy was under 40 and we taught him some funny theories. We have a Minority X theory which means you can go against the system and probably win is how you go about it and he used that and he wrote a review for the college. So it's good to see that the chairman of NBA Asaba is a student and it's not only for political positions as we term it. Even professional even professional positions running associations. We've also been able to affect people's directions if we provide our own power and our water and every other amenity might as well provide our own education. They are private schools so this is just one specialist school that we need and I wish it could be mainstream maybe we'll get there like you said you've partnered with we're partnering with multiple institutions and trying to deliver this and we've gone as far as initiating partnership with the Kadna Business School where we're trying to bring governance into every faucet of life in Nigeria. So we've also tried with international partners of course we have a few and we're expanding at the rate we can. We don't have any grants yet so we're funded internally but you know when they say who's bankrolling just a lot of people that really really love the country and believe in the system and we've tried to open up partnerships and we'll keep trying to. I think likely when you said you opened up a partnership from the outside my major concern was which is one of the challenges we've had with politics in the upper part of the world is that we often import strange methodologies and approaches from the outside but I mean you know because let's think for example you know if I'm suffering from typhoid and you have a malaria and I attempt to use your cure for typhoid I'll only aggravate my issues because I wouldn't get healed and that's what we do a lot of times the west is far ahead there are so many things they have a structure we don't have a structure so if we try to directly import whatever is done abroad into a system it might not work because you don't have a structure that will support it. So most of the things we should do is what you're doing now which is whatever you're doing now is get at building a structure homegrown letting people identify what they need because if for example now you're starting this abroad and you're telling them okay this is where you need to vote hey I know how to vote I know the structure I know what to do but most importantly is that what you said about you're not just being political office holders but even professionals because if you can groom people to be thinkers individually it's easier to integrate into politics as against just grooming them for politics you haven't applied all the theories they've learned at all but if you're a secondary school a university student and you venture into with post in your school or something and from there you grow and you see how the system works you can grow to become a better politician because politicians are like doctors you don't become a doctor when you get into the hospital you become a doctor and you're admitted into the hospital I can't just walk into the hospital and say okay I want to I aspire to be a doctor and I want to start okay I'll call you doctor and start the process no you go to school you graduate you have the degree and you're called a doctor then a hospital takes you and I think that's the way politics is your mind must be should be for us your mind must be prepared so that when you're going in there you're going in there with the idea of deliverables what to do for the people, what you want to achieve I mean just working immediately as against getting there then you say okay how does the system work and you tell your guy you need to do this and you say okay let's do that and the system gets messed up I'm your guy madam the electoral college you know we are non-partisan we've also trained within intra-party on an intra-party base so we work with what is APC PDP STP we understand the truth about things and that is because we clearly understand that no party is bad it's the players within a party that is bad like I always give an example and I'm sorry I'm going to say this on air because it's going to be painful and a lot of people are going to laugh but I'm an Arsenal fan but that does not mean I hate football why are you guys laughing you see what I said I know I'm an Arsenal fan I'm an Arsenal fan and no matter how many times Arsenal loses it's sad to say loses some games I still don't hate football but what we've done with politics is that in Nigeria is that we hate politics because of the players and you can't hate politics because of the players it doesn't make it a bad game so if you bring in new players that's which is what we are trying to do or you try to improve the game within the system I forgotten which party we were training and we were going over to Delgaze and Delgaze was saying they didn't know they were not supposed to collect money I don't want to mention it it's alright they didn't know they were not supposed to they didn't know this is the gap that the electoral college is trying to bridge okay Joyce is next after this break don't go anywhere still on the constitution matter why do we advocate for the total scrap of our present 1999 constitution the constitution does not provide for acceptable fiscal federalism which means that states cannot generate sufficient revenue on their own because all minerals mineral resources are vested in the exclusive control of the federal government states do not need to depend on or be controlled by the federal government besides Lagos, Rivers and one or two other states in Nigeria most states depend on the federation accounts for as much as 80% of their revenue so in what way will such a constitution promote autonomy and intentionality with resources, areas for revenue generation and sustainability internally in one breath the constitution gives the state government control over local governments it makes local councils subordinate to the federal government thus while the state government can create local government and determine their structure their powers and their function it is the responsibility of the national assembly to incorporate any newly created local government into the constitution by way of constitutional amendment which is quite cumbersome and in most cases unrealistic I feel this process can be usurped by powers that be for new dominance and ultimately control the constitution in furtherance of its centralizing tendencies has no place for state or local police whereas security is better handled at the local level the issue of banditry, kidnapping and the general insecurity is local and is therefore better handled locally there is no provision in the constitution that allows government as chief security officer of their respective states to create and manage security outfits in their states because by constitution there can only be one police force for the entire federation and all individuals and persons of the police are prohibited from creating any other police force or security outfits to coexist with the current police force state autonomy and policing is a huge plus on peace and development the constitution also fails to state the specific functions of state and local governments but it takes time to elaborate the powers and functions of the federal government this tends to subordinates the state's government to the central government and puts the federal status of the 1999 constitution at a debate how will the local government state's function in their fullness when the constitution is not clear as to what exactly their powers and functions are for us to have a brand new constitution there are some steps to follow number one will be the referendum where representatives at the legislature should be tasked with meeting their constituents and detailing every desire of these constituents for what the constitution should look like these meetings can span months all points must be properly documented in the most transparent and painstaking manner possible then there is a constitutional convention where the same representatives from the national assembly and other stakeholders will publicly meet and debate on what should be contained in the constitution and what shouldn't every representative must be allowed free speech just like the constitutional convention that was held in Philadelphia in May 1787 then there will be the documentation process after debates have been properly weighed and analysis derived decisions should be put in writing by a committee and then compressed all parties will then sign an agreement if and when the document satisfies the needs of their constituents finally there will be approval and implementation by the president what do you guys think? well if, I mean three things stood out for me there that I would really like to look at number one is the issue of the exclusive and the concurrent lists which limits the powers the state government have to explore and all that stuff number two is policing and number three is the power of the local government and the state government now regarding the exclusive list I would like to address that by quoting that we all know the parable of the talent where the man gave some out and one kept it at the point it said that you were not faithful in little and it took it from the guy that had won and gave it to the guy that had won that was happening in Nigeria now yes we know that there are limitations to the ability of states to explore the natural resources but when Nigeria had its boom the success of Nigerian states or Nigeria's states did not come from the all these so called natural resources it came from agriculture in the north where exporting highs and skin it was called in the west cocoa in the east palm oil and all those other things the states government still have controlled all these resources what have they done with it? nothing rather they sit down in their states and go cop in hand to the federal government and lament and get every citizen worked up demanding for things to be migrated from the exclusive to the concurrent now I'm not saying that is wrong no we need it the states need to have control but I'm saying even what you have control over right now why wouldn't what are you doing with it? why wouldn't let's say some states in the north okay I grow pepper I grow this I grow that consumption states now let's come to the government of Lagos because yes we have been talking about greek in Lagos but we can't have time to grow anything I'm sorry why won't you look for collaborations like it happened on that day and we had is it kebi rice? kebi rice if we do more of that our states will grow and I think it's time for states like Lagos to also say okay there are too many people in Lagos I'm taking my money partnering with Anambra or a Boeing or Emo state I'm coming to set up a palm oil plantation just do that 30% or 50% of it comes to Lagos the remaining we export we're creating jobs for the people there to stay there do the same thing in the north we rise do the same thing in the south west and you will reduce the pressure on Lagos that is the problem of Lagos now when it comes to policing it's another fairy tale that yes we need again it's good to have police in your states that you can relate with but to say everything goes back to the IGP for approval is not true and I'll give you a very simple example Governor Wike, Yesun Wike and his rival, what is his name? the former governor, Rosimi Amici Rosimi Amici was a visit to river states blaring his convoy is a federal minister of federal capacity Governor Wike was also coming blaring his convoy a state, ordinary state governor that doesn't have control over the state police suppose I'm using what everybody says doesn't have, they meet and because it's the governor of the states the policemen that were with the federal minister had to calm down for him again when the federal government sent a process to arrest a judge in his states it wasn't in the state house it was in the house of the judge he went there and told them they don't have the capacity and they pulled out I need to add this part here governors become selective with when they achieve thank you let me bring out another case if you remember the case of this emo state the president governor is turning on when they want to they can activate state apparatus especially during during elections state governors control everything even the way state electoral commissions vote selectively when there's boundary treaty they're not in control and I tell people if there's any for example what happened in the state I doubt the governor needed to call the IGP to release his voice the breakdown of the police the police structure in Nigeria you have the states commander you have the regional or local government then even within local government you have subunits now if things are happening for example let's say in this koshofer area and there's crisis the commander in charge of this division doesn't need to call the state commander for approval it takes charge the one in the local government doesn't need to call this divisional commander before it takes charge so if there's anything happening what I believe is a problem with policing in Nigeria which is something we really need to address is that number one are under-equipped given the emoluments do not exist I wouldn't go kill myself all the policemen that have been killed on the street what has happened to their family and we're humans if my fellow policeman goes on on mission dies in Nigeria and you say sorry and all you get is a letter to the family why would I die for a country however two days ago a few days ago there was this thing about just anyone around to Somalia it's an international mission they are catered for they are paid well policemen will kill to go there and when they get there that's when you know Nigerian policemen are professionals because they'll show up I need to add a point before I now go over the same voting with my own version of how it is you have less than 500,000 policemen policing 200 million people and half of them are police or vital assets meaning banks, CBN, ETC so we approximately have 210,000 policemen policing 200 million people who does that so this is not even a problem now states they make me laugh you're talking about removing this from concurrently to exclusive this number one states kidnap the entire local government which is this problem with democracy in Nigeria let's ask for more control of resources when you are even kidnapping the resource of the local government under you now federal government pays directly to local government states have ingeniously come up with a very brilliant ministry which is ministry of so called intergovernmental and lifting LG funds at first no I just added that so they conveniently did that and then ensured that the funds are kept in the intergovernmental affairs then they what they feel like governors are not as rich as they are supposed to be as regards policing we must be honest any governor that opens his mouth to discuss restructuring is one of the enemies of democracy and here is why if you haven't provided autonomy and even after the presidential executive order 10 of 2020 which instructs autonomy to the judicial and legislature and governments are not governors are not following which restructuring are you talking about you want it from the federal let me finish I do not support a state police with the present powers conferred on the state governor as it is so let's be careful with the arsenal example we don't hate football so let's be careful because some governors are messing up not because of some governors I am being honest with the powers conferred on governors by the constitution if you hand them a state police number one nobody will be able to suck in that state number two nobody will be able to run against them there will be no opposition because they have kidnapped the legislature and you now want to give them enforcement you want to give them police police should be restructuring in writing a new constitution what we are saying is it can be local it should be local one other thing I think we should consider when it comes to policing is this the reason they give for policing is that okay we want to have control the federal government is controlling everything but this is what they forget if you have state police and you still have a bad federal government it has more powers than your state police so it can come into your state and take over because what you are saying now is abuse in the system because what is happening now what they claim is happening that the federal controls everything it's an abuse if that is what is happening so if you are running away from abuse you don't create another avenue for even bigger abuse the constitution will be clear on what to do in such a situation and then we are enforcing so many things that have written a constitution which are already provided the major problem of the constitution in Nigeria is that it is not even implemented to 40% that's where the major problem is and that's why a lot of people are scared to talk about a new constitution because if we have a new constitution then with the improved senate that we have the tent assembly the most brilliant assembly I have ever seen of course I am speaking such a thing but if you have that calibre of people in the house in the federal house with a new constitution we are doomed I am being honest and I can assure you 50% of them do not even know Nigeria's constitution that's true so I think one of the key things in trying to get a new constitution will be as Nigeria is trying to get a new constitution we also should try to get at least 48 senators into the house and like 160 into the houses so that we know that while we are creating a new constitution it's with a new crop of minds that actually know what they are doing and now this should not be ah this person stood during and said the person will probably make a good legislator no the person will not make a good legislator that is a big mistake obviously in times of political experience 70% of time will not make a good they will go through the electoral college as well we will ensure that happens which is okay let's be careful we are solution providers here we can't just be talking about the problems so if we pick someone who is able to speak we just say go through the process to learn like you said you don't become a doctor so we teach you what you do so that you can add it to all the other I think what will also help solving it best is that when we finish teaching those who are aspiring for office we also teach the constituents what to expect from them that is key and that is what we need before we can introduce a new constitution because I believe there are a lot of people that are vying for the seat of the precedents I'm sorry let me just say the Feladro Tuoyez we can do it without calling him this I feel I respect in terms of their success rate and all that I believe rather than go to the presidency we need to get them into the the national assembly because if we get a lot more of them into the national assembly it will be easier to then speak with the precedents our conversations here will never be complete and they will not be complete without you at the positive professional says way to go Joyce you are such a confident positive inspiration keep impacting and imparting positively thank you so much do well to follow us on our Facebook plus TV Africa hashtag The Advocate NG on Twitter and Instagram at plus TV Africa hashtag The Advocate NG to catch up on previous broadcast go to plus TV Africa dot com forward slash The Advocate NG kind of day is next after this break don't go anywhere how do you decide who the victim is every day we are complaining about the bias structure and sighting of infrastructure in cities across Nigeria we are obviously peeved by these biases and humanly so we respond or react in different ways as an expression of a dissatisfaction and blatant abuse by powers we have decided to call unknown in Baba Fela's words, unknown soldiers we've been the victim for so long that we have slipped into the comfortable posture of constantly playing the victim even when we are not but the question is who really is the victim how do we choose who a victim is and what are the rights of a victim the nurses are harsh on their patients because they the nurses are victims poor emoluments, inadequate tools or comfortable environment etc the lease goes on and the patients complain these same patients that complain might be a teacher or a lecturer they or she equally passes the frustration onto the pupils students or even the parents in effect produces unqualified bunch of unprofessional professionals for our dear nation Nigeria in October 2020 the nation witness one of the most coordinated uprising against oppression in recent times and sars police brutality must stop again, we are the victims who really is the victim the policeman who is being pilfered by the teacher who is playing victim or is it the policeman who has become accustomed to drinking the local herbs claiming he is a lover of tradition when in reality it is because he cannot afford to go to the hospital is it the policeman that has bought fake drugs and has lost a child is it the policeman that is poorly trained lowly renumerated dehumanized and is giving all a nose to the job no matter how inadequate this is to the society rather than praise our military we bastardize them and constantly talk about how poorly they are performing when the truth is that they might be operating on the blind side we've heard a lot of stories about them our failure to celebrate all the gallant soldiers who lost their lives at the battle front yesterday would definitely produce self-minded soldiers who would not give their best to protect the nation tomorrow yet another victim in the 90s ebbs were tagged with 419 rather than tackle the menace we tribalized it now Nigeria is seen as a country that celebrates 419 kind of smartness Nigeria played the victim and threw a tribe under the bus to say face we're currently plagued by different kind of terrorism again we're playing victim we've tribalized it Fulani Headsmen and accept the terror we expect the terror to go away rain rain go away come and rain another day like that nosy ride the victim cycle never ends and that is a problem as Nigerians every Nigerian needs to know that he or she is not a victim is not rather more a victim than the other it's high time we started seeing ourselves collectively as victims because that is the only way we can get a solution to our problems let's analyze it properly a teacher fails to give his or his or her best in class he organizes extra classes to make more money her tool is the pen he or she is a victim a doctor fails to turn up at the public hospital and redirects you to the private hospital just so that he or she can make more money in the process the private hospital or the public hospital rather becomes a slaughterhouse he or she is a victim so they have to react the bus conductor hikes the transport fare at will depending on his mood he can decide to blame bad roads or any other thing all these people use their tools to make an extra living why? because they are victims what are the tools of the policemen what are the tools of the soldier what are the tools of the civil servants after all we are all victims I am not a victim in Jesus name I find every spirit of victimism I really loved I loved listening to you was really really impressive because it came from a Nigerian angle which is kind of rare to see these days I agree that of all tribes in Nigeria which are more than 200 ethnicities in Nigeria which are more than 250 every one of them is marginalized and that is what we do not understand in this country being is always to pick on who we think because we do not understand his culture we feel this is negative this is right and for the purpose of this conversation I would like to bring something up I was opportunity to see something years ago and if Nigeria dealt with this years ago we would not be in this problem so there was strife in of course sub-Saharan Africa and it was reported to Nigeria that the executive in Abuja should take action because our borders were porous and these were people who carried guns and also they noticed a deforestation of Zamorino, Zamfara, Katina, Yubi which are all today flash points this report was more than 10 years ago nothing was done about it our borders have been left porous and most of us because of political affiliations have invited people from outside the country who are not Nigerians to come into the country and perpetrate havoc this goes down to even there is no body not guilty of this this goes down to even within the Efe Madakeke crisis which people were hired from outside Nigeria to fight these wars across each other the jukun, tif, they did the same thing we are all guilty of this manner of approach the average Nigerian doesn't like strife we love oambed too much now if you want to see a country that has problem I'll give you an example where India and Pakistan were together there was no intermarriage they made movies about it there was no intermarriage Nigeria was still intermarried when it comes to politics and the truth is actually resources that we do not lay our hands on Nigeria is too rich to be a poor country and we have refused to handle that and because of that we have sold out our nationhood most of us do not think Nigeria is an identity we all look at ourselves as Yoruba, Ibo, Hausa, Tif Ibibu and whatever which is wrong in real context a country is a territorial boundary a nation has a unified direction and ideology to which it seems I'm one of the proponents saying we should try something I'm not saying exactly this but we could make our national lingua Pijin English it might unify us more than we already are that's my take on this should be not Queen's English I agree and I also agree that if we take out from what Kunle is saying take out that state of origin and become state of residence that's fine that unifies us we all are in a geographical location we are all from here because we live here being victims means we should be more empathetic toward each other show some more compassion and respect for each other because we are all victims of one thing or the other whether planned or unplanned the thing is many times when we think of ourselves as victims we think someone somewhere is sitting and trying to victimize us it's not always so it's indirect in fact more times than not someone is just trying to protect themselves the water who wants private practice for more money is not trying to create this water house he or she is just trying to protect their family so it's a cycle of us hurting each other indirectly and sometimes directly so compassion and solution drive what do we do like you said compassion a lot of us have lost what you said love of nation or even love of self love of people I dare say more than 70% of Nigerians if we are to give them an opportunity today to choose another country they will gladly gladly I was on radio in Ghana many also because they don't know better about the other country so they've seen themselves that we are at the receiving end we don't know blah blah blah I was on radio in Ghana when the NTSA stand came on and I'm an advocate for Nigeria wherever I am and the guys presented me the mistake and asked me questions so how does it feel to hear people talking about a country in this manner and was one of the leading radio stations in Ghana I was very excited when he asked the question because it was an opportunity for me to lash at them so I made that that was very nice so that was not the people's fault because at the end of the day we were talking about Nigeria this year we haven't reported it this way you're reporting this NTSA stand you know even now the fact so whatever I give to the people is a song you'll sing any music you play to them and the guy kept quiet but while I was busy defending Nigeria of course I said it was a bad thing that happened blah blah blah while I was really saving the face of Nigeria a guy called not just one, a lot of them and told me that I'm one of the problems in Nigeria and with the government and that he was even until the end something happened was about changing his nationality to a Somalian they would prefer to be a Somalian than to be a Nigerian good luck to him and the presenter was looking at me like this you say your country blah blah blah and he said that was a challenge we have that he was a victim and he's pouring it out on everybody we see Nigeria as a place where I have an option I could check out I could go anywhere else I don't owe anything to this country listen, things happen in Ghana in Togo I can talk about countries in West Africa that are equally terrible under just during this COVID there was a government in the West African country that told the people who were spending about $250,000 daily feeding people and they said the people said okay bring us the proof and they showed people in like two or three parks scampering for food and like so these people can you feed these people with $250,000 in a day people still but you know what, while you're busy insulting them or they're busy fighting their government you a foreigner attempts to insult their presidents and you'll be reminded that you're a Nigerian you're not allowed to do that it's our joke we don't see that especially us here as parents it starts with us at home I hear parents say things like hey don't teach your neighbor what you know because they'll take what you know and add it to what they know and then they become better than you that is institutionalizing division and victim mentality so if we will start by teaching our children to say everyone is your sister is your brother allow somebody else stepping before you doesn't take anything away from you teach that person what they don't know it doesn't take anything away from you that makes you exactly I found it weird when I asked the teacher to allow my son to teach his classmates more in primary 4 and some other parents were like why are you doing that you want them to not be better than your son and I go no no no no no we win better when we are all winning I'll give you a life example people normally assume that in my experience and of course political parties and running for office that I actually know politics a lot lot well because I get to be part of the training and teaching of students within the electoral college I can tell you that my growth within last one year in politics is exponential things I because I keep because when you teach you become better I become far better than I actually was and I don't know why we don't understand that and there's one key thing we need to understand in Nigeria I think one of the things that bothers us are tribe I would put something in fact you know what let me just make this point here when in church and I say this with all sense of responsibility the leader says tell your neighbor I don't care what you came for I came to be blessed that in itself is already constantly divided you were about to say religion and so if in the religious house I am saying to you Coyote I don't care what you came for I'm saying to you Coyote don't touch me me I came here for my own blessing we're already saying we don't care for each other in the same place where we're supposed to be saying look I came here for your blessing and mine so how do we walk out of that place which is adding to what you were saying so I feel unlike for me I consider myself a little bit privileged in Nigeria my dad Muslim my mom Catholic so I raised both religions unlike other people I finished both holy books and I had a choice till today most people cannot tell my religion that's the thing it's a little bit but I noticed that even on social media just because somebody sees the name and sometimes you know I get to interact and somebody sees the name they will tilt towards me not because of the points they think I'm making but I can almost tell from the name where you tilt on it based on you would rather associate with this or that I keep saying this our institutions need to become actual institutions our institutions need to become actual institutions well our institutions need to change everything needs to move on we need to stop being victims we need a constitutional referendum we need so many things but as we all know in our side is never a friend on this program as well however the advocacy continues on our social media platforms on Facebook join us on plus tv africa hashtag the advocate ng or on Twitter and Instagram at plus tv africa hashtag the advocate ng to catch up with previous broadcasts go to plus tv africa.com and don't forget to subscribe to our youtube channel plus tv africa till next week same time on this station remember that the important conversations are among the necessary tools for a saner society bye for now I was becoming hardwired to try and cheat I would suggest that we begin to hold our leaders accountable I was in time in this country when things actually work I don't think that any organization should be above the law and I think one of the challenges we have in this country is about governance across the board does it really affect us in Nigeria? it does I don't know what we can do if the system is already corrupted and warned as a continent of the influx of the Chinese if you don't repay your debt they will just to colonize you