Welcome everyone to the September 2023 hyper ledger financial markets mortgage subgroup meeting. I think we have a great agenda for you guys today. And I think you guys will really enjoy our speaker Pavan Ardual. He is on a flight right now. So hopefully he'll be able to join us in time and we won't have any issues with that. Before we get started, I would like to express our appreciation to the financial markets more special industry group and the hyper ledger foundation for their ongoing support and making this group possible. Also, we'll be using a new hyper ledger branding that we previewed in our earlier meeting or in our meeting last month. I love the new color schema. I really like the look and feel and hopefully you will as well. So let's dive right in. Okay, we always like to start our meetings with the notification that this meeting is being recorded and is under the umbrella of the hyper ledger foundation. So we ask that everyone abide by the antitrust policy and code of contact of the hyper ledger foundation, the antitrust policy states that we avoid discussions of company specific pricing products and projects. We don't make negative remarks about other companies or products and the code of conduct means that we treat each other with respect, never discriminate and communicate constructively. We fully support hyper ledgers policy of openness, equity and inclusion. And for new participants, we welcome you and if you'd like, please introduce yourself in the chat and let us know of any issues you'd like to discuss and just generally hello. In our agenda for today, James Hendrick will provide an update on developments in the mortgage industry. Then as part of our ongoing effort to bring industry experts we have Pavan Argoal, the CEO from Sun West Mortgage and Siligence, who's going to be speaking with us today. After Pavan will walk through a survey that we're deploying and then have a quick Q&A. We always cover this slide in each meeting, because this really underscores the reason that we have these blockchain meetings. This is to reinforce the fact that we're all on the same blockchain journey. We just may be at different points along that path. For today's topic, we're going to see a really innovative use of that technology and hopefully that'll benefit everyone. Because this group is meant to help everyone on their blockchain journey to demonstrate the feasibility of blockchain technology through mortgage industry use cases and also to define potential implementation paths. And I think we're going to see a really interesting one today. The next few slides I always mention are for those that are new to the Hyperledger. This slide provides links to different resources for the Linux Foundation, our mortgage subgroup Wiki, second from the bottom, and this link contains meeting notes for our group reporting from previous meetings and curated articles that James will walk us through. These are great resources and we'll reference several of them during the course of this meeting. So how do you access that information? This slide answers that question. You'll need an LFID and I'm not going to go over this information in detail, but this is how you access it and I encourage you to take a look at it. This is a slide on blockchain training. All this information is free. This is a fantastic introduction to blockchain. This is how I got my base knowledge of blockchain and it's free. So again, I highly encourage you to use this information. And now we're going to have James Hendrick walk us through the state of blockchain in the global mortgage industry. James, take it away. Fantastic. Thank you, Marvin. Let's go ahead and jump into the first slide. The first article coming out of finance strategists. It's a great introductory article to blockchain in the real estate industry. It covers five essential topics. So it starts out with mechanisms of blockchain talking about decentralization and property transactions, tokenization of real estate smart contract, how they can work with escrow services. And the transparent property title management that blockchain can provide. And it goes into the overall, you know, blockchain benefits that we're used to talking about the transparency, the reduction in cost, the prevention of fraud. But one of the things I really liked about was he starts to talk about the limitations in real estate for blockchain. So technology complexity and the learning curve that's associated with it. You know, we're still in a state of regulatory and legal uncertainty as to, you know, how blockchain is going to be used or interpreted within the mortgage environment, the interoperability and standardization of issues and then the, you know, potential risk of hacks and system vulnerabilities. And the next the article covers is the effect of blockchain on the real estate, looking at both residential real estate commercial real estate and real estate investment trust. And then lastly finishes off with preparing for blockchain and the real estate industry. So really talking about understanding and overcoming challenges and strategies for integration and implementation within your environment. Great article. Take a look when you get a chance. This next one I was actually pretty excited to see that, you know, mizmo started getting involved with the blockchain world. We've had some brief conversations with them in previous years. But this article came out July last or two months ago. It was published a blockchain in the mortgage industry article. So this is a white paper that outlines findings on how blockchain technology can enhance the way mortgages are originated, serviced, sold and traded. It explores the use of blockchain and discusses how it can be used to improve efficiency, enabling transparency and increasing trust among the market participants, which is, you know, pretty common in most of the articles that people are writing on blockchain nowadays. So the following topics are presented within the white paper potential efficiencies, practical industry applications and use cases keys to increasing adoption. And then what is mizmo's overall role in the exploration and various aspects of blockchain technology, and how it's used throughout the industry. There are links available to this on our wiki when you go to the link. There's actually from that page. There's two different links. There's a link for members mizmo members. And there's also a link for non mizmo members to be able to get to that white paper. So I definitely encourage taking a look at it. Next page Marvin. Alright, this is another white paper coming out at MIT. It's, you know, looking at the future of mortgages and evaluating both blockchain and AI and how it can be utilized really discusses the opportunities for cost reduction in the mortgage industry through the combined use of these technologies. Top mortgage areas that it really covers is, you know, title insurance we've talked about it before, but this article actually focuses pretty heavily on loan servicing and how blockchain can be used to enhance the loan servicing process, provide better transparency and, you know, ensure efficiencies between investors and the servicing partners. So in the credit underwriting we've talked about the before one concept I really like that they talk about in this article is the concept of passporting. It allows borrowers to selectively share their credit information with potential lenders, making the process more efficient and giving borrowers greater control over their personal data. There are potential challenges that it talks about implementing these technologies in the, the mortgage industry. So often it's the decisions makers who are posing the biggest challenge. They're preference for traditional methods such as hard copy documentation can stand in the way of adopting new technologies. The history of fintechs and their, you know, impact on the adoption of blockchain regulatory marketplace challenges. So it covers a variety of different, you know, challenges and implementation strategies that need to be addressed and thought about the last thing the article really covers is blockchain and generative AI use cases in the real estate industry. So again, here's where they really kind of focus on servicing, where it might not be the most glamorous of the areas within the real estate industry. It's a critical area through blockchain and AI. We can manage, you know, how principle is paid, repaid, the status of mortgage backed securities. We can ensure the accurate tracking of payments. How fast those payments are being processed, prepayments, defaults, overall profitability. So in the end, it's a great white paper. It's about 17 pages long. He covers, you know, topics from risk assessment, automated underwriting, customer service fraud detection and a variety of others. So moving on to our last article. So this one's coming out of the National Mortgage News. This article discusses conversations that are going on on how blockchain and AI can mesh with one another within the financial sector. The methodologies companies using AI will look to the online ledger to outline their methodologies and data usage, creating snapshots of the data that are visible to all parties with access. Grouping blockchain and AI could answer the top of mind questions on how to make actions that occur within AI, more explainable by potentially opening up the black box. And this is something, you know, CFPB has issued several warnings about in the recent months. You know, as companies are moving forward and they're starting to incorporate AI into their decision making is being able to demonstrate what are the decisions and how did the AI engine get to making those decisions. So AI can help in optimizing how blockchain resources themselves are used. Blockchain can help AI and providing better traceability of the data sets on the model iterations themselves. And also within the article, Leia Price, the co-chair of MISMOS Emerging Technology Community talks how blockchain could be effective for ensuring security in the property valuation space. She talks about the concerns of deep face, calming. It's very easy to get a photo of a house and cover up potential problem areas. But with an appraisal, you could put a hash and a timestamp on the photos, the data, the documents to make sure that, you know, they're authentic, and that they haven't been altered. And one thing that it does talk about in here, you know, before blockchain and AI can really come together some of the kinks still need some ironing out. For example, when you create a see through AI box where all of your data is accessible to a third party, you amplify the risk of potential fraud as well. In addition, blockchain and AI still don't resolve the potential of bias within the industry as well. So again, another great article, take a look at it if you get a chance. Next slide, Marvin. And here is our wiki. So if you haven't had a chance to go or wiki page, the links down here at the bottom will drop a link into the chat as well. So over on the left hand side, you've got links to all of our previous presentations that we've done over the last couple years. You can access the presentations and the recording over on the right hand side, you can access all of the various articles that we've talked about here. As articles start to get a little older, we move them into a repository on the left. And then, you know, Marvin mentioned earlier about the LF ID and how to set that up there's information in the upper right hand corner on this site. On exactly how to set up your LF LF ID. Once you do get that set up, you'll start getting notifications when we make updates to the wiki when the next meetings are coming up things of that nature. So do you take an opportunity when you get to do that. And next slide Marvin. And I think we're passing it back over to you. Thanks James that's great information as well. And I can see that our guest speaker is driving so let me do a quick introduction form. So let me introduce Pavan Argo of the CEO of Sun West mortgage and founder and CEO of intelligence international Sun West mortgage is one of the largest independent privately owned financial services companies and intelligence is a fintech venture that is a subsidiary of Sun West mortgage that's developed angel AI and is a leader in the development of empathetic technology. Pavan's vast experience and expertise make him a recognized leader in the mortgage industry. This includes being recognized by housing wire as the 2023 finance leader. In addition, he's provided educational coaching sessions at Loyola Marymount University. Pavan was also the keynote speaker at the 2022 Texas blockchain summit, a premier policy conference for Bitcoin crypto and the blockchain ecosystem. And he was most recently a keynote address at the 2023 Breathe convention in Las Vegas that took place this week. From his beginning as a first generation immigrant to receiving his back bachelors from UC Irvine, my alma mater, and now a leader in the mortgage industry. Pavan has reached the pinnacles of success and epitomizes his tagline. Nothing is beyond reach. Take it away Pavan. That's a very gracious generous introduction. Thank you Marvin. I just, yeah, we just finished Breathe yesterday and took the red eye from Las Vegas I'm driving home about 10 minutes from home. And it'll slip the camera around.  I always seem to be going someplace driving around. I think the next podcast ought to be. If you remember where in the world is Carmen San Diego where in the world is Pavan that that's the next podcast. Yeah, you know that's, there's so much education to be done that's why I'm flying around so much because, and I, and I had a podcast yesterday from Breathe itself on the Vegas conference floor.  Yeah, it was Vegas and Breathe was kind of like, except with 200 IQ crypto engineers and, and, and alike and AI engineers running around. So we had a very different feel to it than any typical mortgage conference. And so we got in the, we got in the spirit of things in our podcast but the, the, the point though is, is going to something like Breathe, and then going to a mortgage conference, though that mortgage conference just a few days prior to that. There's a vast disconnect between what's what's happening in the edges in the frontier of the tech world, and what's happening in the mortgage world and I think the previous speaker made like hit the nail on the head when he's talked about the resistance due to the industry and you want to do things on paper and you know these days PDFs but basically still. And, and, you know, but the technology is somewhere completely different and the rest of the world is so we're completely different. And the rate of adoption in other industries so rapid. So, the problem is education. And also just letting go that hey, if we, if we don't change if we don't change in this industry we don't adopt the new technology. We are going to get left behind because, and I made a point of this in my podcast yesterday I said the median age for home buyers is 30 and getting younger. And, and if, if, if, if the Biden administration is successful and in doing something about the student debt burden, I mean the median age will drop 25. The only thing that that's best holding back home buyers is is this is a student debt problem. Yeah. So, whereas median age for loan officers is 55. The, these, you know, whatever they're called millennials gen X Gen Z is I don't know what that age group is called these days. They, they want everything instantaneous because they're used to that in the rest of their life experience. And then they start a mortgage process and, and they're talking to somebody who, who's stuck in, you know, 1990. Right. Yeah, it's not compatible. Right. So there's this huge, my education here is, there's a huge opportunity for people for lenders that are forward thinking saying you know what there's this this massive arbitrage. Home buyers are disconnected from the current service provider. So let's, if you jump in and, and address that need with and with the technology solution that they need and they want, you're going to, you're going to dominate the market. This is as big an arbitrage as it was. This is the same kind of conversation we're having the 90s with, with, with the internet. And there's a lot of skepticism that internet will never going to happen. You know, that more we just will never move on to the internet. And, you know, rocket proved that wrong. Yeah, yeah. But then a question that I have for you on that provide is there, I absolutely agree with the point about there being a huge potential arbitrage there. There is so much technical inertia for the companies that are, you know, the 800 pound gorillas in the mortgage industry. They have so much vested interest in maintaining that technology and using that technology and couple that with the regulatory requirements that they use that technology to meet. What is your company, how is Angel AI able to successfully maneuver that because in, I've taken a look at Angel AI, it's a fantastic tool. I think it's absolutely what the younger generation needs and what technical savvy people would like to use. But the mortgage industry seems to be fighting. Yeah, so that's a good question on the regulatory side. So we do have a couple of customers outside of Sun West and Angel AI and my hope is to have dozens more within the industry. Yeah, within the mortgage industry and by the next 69 days this more Angel AI will be open to all industries. That's a different conversation. But the point with Angel AI is that one of our customers is a bank. And they just completed the complete FDIC audit of Angel AI implemented like they're doing the entire loan origination making process on AI. And they got an FDIC audit a month after Federal Reserve put out the the notice saying be careful about AI. Okay, and we've successfully passed that audit. So, you know, yes, it's scary. It's new technology that the Fed themselves don't know the regulators themselves and what to audit. Okay, so it was I'm so glad we were like basically the first ones because we we helped them write the book on how to audit it. And what that's great. Yeah. Right. So, and I think it's good and bad. I think I think we set the standard so high. I think other people can have a lot of trouble. But then you have a defensible technology right. You can meet that regulatory requirement. Others can. Exactly. So, the point is that, you know, if you, if you think it's hard, if you don't believe you can do it.  This is too hard. Right. I already go back to like what we said, nothing is beyond reach. Just do it. And figure out what needs to be done. And and do and chop the wood and, and, you know, it's going to build your house. I mixed like 10 metaphors there, but I really love that positive energy that they can do attitude. I think it's, it's one of the things that I really admire about you and how you built your company. I know that you took over the reins of son of us mortgage from your father. You spoke a little bit about some of the differences in how generations different generations approach technology. I mean, my, my own father, he still has a note above the microwave at his house that tells him press 100 and then start for how to use the microwave. Oh, okay. So he can only heat things up for a minute. That's how he uses the microwave.  Imagine if he was to try and get a loan today. He would be on the phone with me, Mark. Okay, I need to fill out this app. I'd be stuck there for the rest of the day. Exactly. Talk to me about how, how you help that generation. Yeah, you know, my mom is the same way. She's she has a little sticky note and everything. I tell her what, you know, how hard this work and how that was. But my dad, on the other hand, he was a chemical engineer by education. And so he understands the fundamentals, right, that he understands the math. Yeah. But, you know, he's not a technologist. Right. It's one thing one thing to understand the math and understand the science, but it's not a technologist. So he knows what can be done. Right. Or he knew what could be done.  I wanted everything to be pushed by. Right. Yeah. But, you know, he's not the kind of person that's going to actually use it. He's not the kind of person that's going to write the code or use it, but he knows that. But when he looks at it, he knows if it's working right or not. So, so there's a it's not simply, you know, age and generation is not the point is his vision and perspective. That's what's important. And regarding usability. What I, what I define as a product being mature and usable is defined by can grant my use it. Yeah. A product that grandma can use it is now ready for mainstream. So that's, that's the before the iPhone, the only phone that my mom could use was a simple little bit bones. And then she get confused about this green send button. When do I press the send button when I press the red button to disconnect. She was used to the other phones where you pick up and get it out. Right. Yeah, yeah. So, and then other than that technology, then she then then she can essentially learn how to use the iPhone. And the iPhone was simple enough for Grandma to use. And the only thing she could do is message. She could use WhatsApp. Really, she's really good at WhatsApp. She even sends me little, you know, videos and stuff. Okay. And, and she could kind of fumble her way through email. And that's it. Okay, so the, the, so in order to get full adoption of blockchain technology and AI technology. It's got to be simple blockchain. It's so hard to own a crypto wallet. Yeah. So the only way to can really get that adoption is when you make the user interface simple enough for grandma to use. Okay, and that's why the chat interface is the only way to go. Yeah, so you need to be able to chat with everything my mom can't even use Uber. Right. So she needs to call a car. She tells you she'll, she'll text me. Yeah, I need a car and I'll order the Uber for her. Right. So I mean that's the right there is the perfect use case as to why you need a chat AI in front of every app. Okay, so what will ultimately drive the, the banks to wake up and, and change and start adopting the new technologies is demand. Right. Well, as long as all banks are doing it one way and use and consumers have no choice, then they'll never see the, the, the push. Okay, but as, as you get companies like bars and other companies that come up and, and we're putting alternative technologies and, and we're, we're seeing this arbitrage and, and, and jumping into it. The demand will happen automatically. And because consumers will start demanding so it's a grassroots approach you get the technology in the hands of the people who will value it the most which is the consumers. And the rest will follow. So, so long convoluted way of telling you why I am traveling around so much because it's education getting the word out. And I'm focusing on educating the, you know, consumers and realtors and loan officers at that level. And the, the farther away I get from banking. The faster the education is. Right. So it's faster to educate realtors, realtors accepted much faster than the consumers. And I'm glad you mentioned realtors because in several of the talks that you've had where you actually walk through angel AI, and there's usually quite a few people there and invariably there's always like one or two and sometimes more people that are realtors at the end or brokers at the end that say this is fantastic. How do I sign up, because the technology that you're walking them through shows them how they can be more efficient and make more use or better use of their time. It allows them to take advantage of the interrogative nature and the GPT feature of it. So if you start off with the realtor as the best or the first user of this technology, do you think that that will give you more a much stronger use case than say just having a retail presence where people log into the application and use it themselves? Which do you think is a better starting point to get to adoption? I would have thought that loan officers were a better starting point because we made it so easy for loan officers. But it's turning out because they're feeling, there's some hurdles for loan officers to adopt it because they can use a tool and everything and they can do a lot of stuff for them. But then they still have to work with their own antiquated handwriting departments that doesn't accept angel AI's answers, right? So it's kind of for them it's like it's a two step process. That's one barrier. The second barrier with loan officers is they feel a little threatened by it. The last conference I was at originally connected to Vegas, I had a loan officer who very plainly said that this is going to do my job. And he basically spoke to the room at that moment and told the room that hey all you loan officers in here, if you're not working up your own income and working up your own deal structuring, you're not a real loan officer. And I don't, doesn't matter how good this thing is, you're not a real loan officer. And my, you know, I let him say it's peace, you know, it's fine, but separately, here's the truth of the matter, is if you're not out spending 99% of your time listening business and building relationships with your referral partners, you're not going to survive. Okay, you shouldn't be in at your desk spending an hour setting up each deal, because you know how many more appointments you could have made in that one hour. Yeah. Okay. So, so that's where the fundamental disconnect is and, and so realtors, you know, so the product we offer a bunch of out of the box capabilities and for you realtors they could use it right away and and actually start setting appointments for them. They love it. I mean, it's like it's, it's like free, free deal flow for them. And, and the capabilities that we built in the personal assistant capabilities that we've been the product today for which was a loan officers now we're, we're out expanding it so that over for any industry.  And all brands that you would have, you would know, or one, they're saying, okay, you know, they're, they want to go on beta, they want to be at the beta side for this, because it'll it'll blow up the business so much. So, by creating these partnerships, right, through these partnerships, we get to the consumer as well, we get the consumer on, on Angel AI this way. These brands are pushing, pushing this to their consumers and other consumers are on it. And we're also partnering up with, with various national nonprofits with huge membership basis that wants the capabilities of Angel AI because they want they want to, they want a central place that they can stand in touch easily with their, with their members. We're talking to government bodies that want the same thing. They're like, we get, we get so many inbound inquiries from, from our, like, you know, the city of Tobaha right here, you know, next door to where I live here. They get so much inbound inquiries that they just can't service them all. And so they came to us and said, can we just load all our policies into Angel AI and can it just answer the questions. And I, and the answer is yes. So it's, this is a general purpose AI, it's not just movies industry. The movies industry part of it made it, made it rock solid, because you know obviously you can't get wrong in the movie industry. Right. If you get wrong, then you know you're complaining by buybacks that's that's some people are right now. Yeah, yeah, and those are real expensive. Yes, yes. So, so we're working with nonprofits, universities, large national corporations. They all have the same need they all need to reach out to their customers in a more convenient way in, in a data control curated way. They need, they need to be able to talk to their customers so when a customer ask it, ask them a question. They get an exact answer, not a chat GBT answer. And I'm really glad that you mentioned that difference, because that has been one of the consistent criticisms of AI engines like chat GBT that sometimes they just make up an answer if they don't have enough data.  How have you been able to segregate that information such that your engine can use it, keep it protected from the world at large, and then continue to update it. I mean, because you're talking about massive computing requirements. And I know you said that that's been one of the key things that have made AI possible is a computing, computing resources are now so much cheaper and so much readily available. So what are, how are you able to build out that engine that from what you've just said is better than chat GBT. Yes, and the answer is that it's not, it's not chat GBT or any of the, you know, so we're not we're not subject to outside data. So we have their own massive data, you know, store where everything, everything goes into. Okay, so and we have our own engine that builds on top of it. Okay, so you have to keep the data pure. If you want to, if you are going to deliver answers that you can bank on. Okay, so here's the thing when I when I put this in front of my loan officers, you know, a couple years ago, I understood that the first time it gave a wrong answer. The loan office will never touch again. They'll say, Okay, that's nice. But let me let me go. Let me let me talk to someone who knows. So one of the requirements when I rolled it out was it has to always be right. It's worthless. If it's kind of right. It's worthless if it's even if it's very close, but not right then it's still worthless because then there's no confidence and loan officers will never use it. So the requirement was has to 100% be right. And then for, for me to get the loan officers confidence. I told loan officers that if it's wrong, I'll balance sheet the loan. And it's, and it's, you know, it's been wrong a couple of times when it was a baby. It's never wrong at this point. I remember you making that claim and I thought man, that that takes a lot of guts for offering to balance sheet the loan and using that true token as well that that's really part and parcel of how you do that. Can you speak a little bit about how what has been the response to the true token. I know that in 2022, everyone was getting away from crypto. Because the Silicon Valley bank, but then you had the true token, which is in a certain sense crypto, but it's slightly different. How has that been received. Oh, yeah, I mean, we, we haven't released the version of the product with the fully blockchain integrated true token. So we're doing it outside of the blockchain right now, kind of old school, but the concept is the same. Okay, so we hope to have that release out in the next, you know, by the end of the year. So the true token, once it's understood it's very, very well received. Okay, so it is an education again like anything is an education process like the realtor has to understand that, you know, you mean you mean with this certificate with this token. You know, it's on the loan. Right. And yes, yes, you can make a no long currency offer. And yes, if the token says an appraisal not required, you can make a no appraisal offer. So once so the only really way for them to to understand it is to experience it once. So it just it is it is a sales heavy process because it's an education heavy process and getting the message out. So every time when whenever a realtor experiences it, they're sold. Because a lot of the real problem is there's a lot of noise out there's a lot of people out there that that making claims also claims, which when you when you look on the hood it's not really there. But they're saying all they're saying using all right same buzzwords and they're talking along the same lines. So the average consumer, whether it's a home buyer's home seller realtor, or even a loan officer, right, your message is just lost in the lost in the in the noise. So are so you know my my strategy is just to yell louder. Yeah. That's a great point. I know I've been asking you a bunch of questions and you've been offering great responses I want to open it up to the other people on the call as well to see if they had any questions of you, and if there were any other thoughts as well. So, anyone else on the meeting have a question for Pavan. We're waiting on questions Marvin so Pavan, and you said you haven't you know release that full new version yet what's the, the rollout plan for that. Well, the original plan was like March, and then it got delayed to June, now we're in September, and I'm thinking now end of the year. I'm curious to what you see as being the next stage for angel AI. Well, the next stage is broad base personal assistant for all industries.  The, the fully, it's got a fully integrated crypto wallet. And we're working on integrations with a number of banks. So you can actually do your bank transactions through this crypto wallet. You know, crypto wallet doesn't have to keep Bitcoin and it could keep USD in it. Right.  Okay, so it's, it's a full stack banking mortgages insurance. Like Robinhood kind of trading and so forth. So that's, that's a bigger vision. But this, some of the key fundamental technologies, you know, they're, they're built. But in my opinion, are not ready for consumer use because when I could use it, you could use it, I'm sure you would have no problem using it. But the standard for consumers to use it, it has to be is really high. I remember when I say it has to be ready for consumer use means means my mom should be able to use it without any, without any hiccups, without any confusion. And that's what takes a long time that refinement is what it takes in taking a long time to get it into production. But I would rather not, I would rather hold off and not release it until it's perfectly refined. The consumers hit it and say, okay, I don't, you don't get a second bite with the consumers. Yeah. Now definitely looking forward to, you know, updates as you guys progress forward with that. Yeah, I mean, we have I literally. Sorry, go ahead. No, no, go ahead and answer the question and I have another question. Yeah, we literally do a release every week we had, we just did one last night, there's a bunch of features came out. We don't publicly broadcast all the features that come out for various reasons, mostly because a lot of these are trade secrets. We do, we do broadcast it to our beta testing groups. So, so we have a beta committee that that, you know, both internal and external customers that that jump on all the features. So some of them we hold until until the broader product is ready. Now, last question for you, Pavan. I work with quite a few interns through this event test and these are developers people very interested in development career, and one of them asked me to specifically ask this question. They're graduating with an undergrad degree in electrical engineering or software development. What would you tell them to do to be successful to be able to get a job at a company like Sun West mortgage as a developer. What guidance do you give them blockchain. Yeah, I what would you tell. No. You just got let's say you just got a degree in electrical engineering. I'll just tell you the way I would interview you. Okay, so. And even though I'm hiring you to work on AI or blockchain or whatever, or user interface, whatever, but you have a degree in electrical engineering. So, I would, I would pull up your, your junior year or senior year. After transistor book, and I would ask you questions from there. Did you learn what you were went to what you went to school for do you really understand those things. If, if you don't understand the fundamentals, you'll never understand the big stuff. Okay, so it's a few when if you went to school for computer science, then I'm going to pull up something from a fundamental computer science theory. And then beyond that, then we look at how they, you know, how they go about problem solving, how they, how they think about solutions. Okay, because the rest of it can. Sorry, call coming. The rest of it, the technologies, the specific technologies can be, can be learned if you have the fundamentals, the rest of it is easy to learn. So, I don't know if that answers the question. Exactly. I think it does it preps them for speaking with with someone like you with the person hiring them. We did get some additional questions in the chat. I'm going to read them off to you. So the first one from Preston Howard from prospecting to origination to underwriting funding and closing. What does Angel ai's tool, practically look like in everyday use. What is it eliminating, and is it possible to see a demo. Yeah, just go to angel ai.com and click on the chat with Angel ai and you can start using it right away.  I always say just do that first. It's a fun, fun little thing to do. Then you can just start asking her mortgage questions, you can, whatever you want to do. And if you break her, let me know. If you find some bugs, let me know. And precedent I also recommend taking a look at some of the YouTube videos that have on has put out there. They show some of the actual functionality. So if you have on does a great demonstration, which I think some of your employees and, and I think one of them was your daughter and one of them so definitely take a look at those YouTube videos. Those are great. Another question. Yeah, and then you can also register for a workshop to go to angel ai.com over slash workshop. And you can register for a workshop and I'll see I'll give you a special SMS number. Angel ai. The SMS to angel ai. And I don't know what the numbers translate to on that, but you use a keypad and you can convert that to numbers. And you just SMS that number and you say, you just say your name, your email address, and when you have one hour available. You know, date and time when you have one of our trainers will schedule you in. Thank you for one. I think that that gives Preston a good answer. We also have another question from Elizabeth green and this is just every everyone in it but I think you can answer it as well. Well, have on. Can anyone please name a lender who will use carbon credit as collateral or payment, even in that three way swap. I think this goes beyond mortgage and is just more within the blockchain and tokenization realm, since they're talking carbon credit. I saw that question come in and while we've been sitting here I've been trying to Google for any potential lenders in the mortgage area but Elizabeth as of right now I haven't been able to find anything. But if something comes up, we'll grab it and we'll post it out to the wiki. Thanks James. Pavan, I know you've gotten to your destination you've been doing a lot of traveling so we'll let you go at this point. Thank you very much for coming in and speaking to our group this has been very very insightful.  Thank you very much. Thanks Marvin. Thanks for accommodating my schedule. Cheers. No problem. Bye. Okay, everyone. We still have one other item on the agenda that I wanted to get to. I'm still showing my screen and I'm going to go to the next slide. Hey, what we wanted to do within the hyperledger group is send out a survey to all of the participants and really to the population in general. What I'm showing on the screen now is a link to a survey and Elma if you can put the link in the in the chat as well. What we want to do with the survey is really find out from you our audience and and participants in the mortgage subgroup. What topics are you interested in seeing or excuse me what topics are you interested in hearing about I'm going to go ahead and click on the link. Here are the questions. I'm going to go through them really quickly. Which area would you like to see more presentations technologies specific use cases vendor or expert presentations like provide anything else you'd like us to talk about. Which technologies are the most interesting or relevant to your company and select any of those three hyperledger fabric, other blockchain, AI and blockchain smart contracts. I won't read all of those. What additional topics would you like to see regulatory I know that we've been trying to get someone from the regulatory agencies to come and speak. We're still actively working on that. Would you guys like to see someone from the MBA or MISMO other regulatory bodies or any other topics. And then the last two questions share your thoughts on the level of technology and complexity in the presentations and whether you find it suitable. So when we first started going through this we were going through proof of concepts, and we were showing actual errors that our team was getting as we were doing those proof of concepts so a bit more technical then is that something you guys would like to see on occasion as well. The level of technology is appropriate. Do you guys want to see more business oriented presentations in. Please let us know that feedback and then last question open ended question. Any additional feedback you'd like to provide how are we doing we've been doing this for a year now. James and the rest of the team have been doing a fantastic job but if there's anything else that you think we can improve upon that I can improve upon.  But just let us know we'd like to get your feedback. And I think we're going to have the survey open for the next month. Because we'll be advertising it out to people that weren't able to attend today and we're looking to incorporate the group's feedback into our presentations for next year. Yep, absolutely so as James says, please take the survey let us know what you think. And with that, I'll open it up to any additional questions from the rest of the team from any of the attendees. And if there aren't any questions. I wanted to say thank you to everyone for participating. We're starting to get that towards the end of the year. We'll have a new topic in October, November, we always take December off so just to give you guys a heads up. And thank you very much we'll go ahead and wrap it up give you guys six minutes back to your day. Thank you everyone. Take the survey. Have a great day everybody.


So do you know what the problem with the dating marketplace these days? I think one of the significant problems in the dating mating and relating realm, if you will, these days is an actual devaluing of women. I'm gonna repeat that. I believe a significant percentage of men devalue women and while this is just one of the many problems with the mating process today, I think because of ethnography, I believe because of social media and quite frankly, I also believe a lack of boundaries by women have caused men to actually devalue women and this doesn't bode well. I know a lot of you will feel upset hearing this, but this is the observation I see today as a dating and relationship coach for women. In fact, as a coach, I continually come across women who want to sign up for coaching with me and when I hear the stories of the way men operate, there's an actual lack of care from so many men and it's rather distressing. It's rather disturbing. You know, and when I mean by a lack of care, is there these men are more preoccupied with getting their own needs met and let me just be clear, women can be equally as selfish as men, but most of it because they, because of the ease of sex these days, it's so easy for the most part, it's relatively easy for men to get sex these days, that it's actually devalued women and as I said earlier, pornography hasn't helped and social media hasn't helped. Instagram accounts where women are practically flaunting themselves. There's this plethora of available sexual tintillation that's caused men to devalue women. Now look, I've always said to you, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date, I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's head saying, what's your intentions with my little sister? You know, because there's a level of respect when you know that there's a consequence of devaluing somebody that you might already know and what I mean by know is, you know, when you think back 50, 60, 70 years ago, you know, I was watching the movie Pleasantville the other day and I was just thinking, well, listen, men have been horny bastards since the dawn of time, you know, men haven't changed. What I think has changed is certainly in the last 50 or 60 years and it's partially, I said earlier, women's boundaries have dropped.  We, you get the choice, okay? But there's a consequence to easy sex and I think that consequence is devaluing women. So you might be wondering, well, what does this have to do with the topic about how do a man know she's a one? Well, I think it's first really important to understand the mating process because it doesn't, what was in the past doesn't apply today. It barely applies today. And what I mean by the past is there was a level of valuing women, you know, like even when I got married 30 years ago, and I think I met my now ex-wife 32 years ago, you know, there was a level of respect then that existed that I'm gonna tell you today doesn't exist in the same level. In fact, I did a, I had a friend of mine do a survey in his men's group. He has over a million followers on his YouTube channel and he did a survey.  Would it be the first or second date? Would it be the third or fourth date? Would it be the fifth or sixth date? No, I think he said it would be the first or second, second or third, fourth or fifth or sixth or seventh or eighth and beyond. And do you know the vast majority of men click the button that if they didn't have sex by the fourth or fifth date, they'd be gone? I mean, that really saddens me that men, especially when I listen to some of the rhetoric from the women who are wanting to work with me, tell me how these men say, you can trust me. I'm trustworthy. You know, I'm I care about your feelings. And yet they'll dump you in a hot potato if they haven't had sex by the fourth, fifth or sixth date. Listen, like I said before, I'm not here to judge the timing of when I have sex, but it's really a lack of valuing. And it used to be, it's always been the following. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. And think about that in the past. If a man wanted to get laid, he'd have to make the ultimate commitment. He'd have to marry you.   They barely know. Think about that. You barely know today we're meeting total strangers. And the problem is many of you have adopted the fantasy that if we have amazing chemistry with each other, it'll just magically work out. And all I have to do is sit in my feminine energy to let that guy claim me. Listen, if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm going to introduce it to you today. If it's the first time, I want you to see the word attraction. And you see the tip of the iceberg. It says chemistry. But true compatibility or relationship requires shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity.  We have such dysfunctionality for so many human beings. And it is absolutely naive not to approach the process from the perspective of men are the leaders of the relationship. Because ladies, I'm telling you, you're giving the job to the wrong person. You are in charge of your relationship. Destiny, not a guy. This is why lately I've been recommending this book. I highly I've been reading this highly recommend the book. Why men love bitches? Why men love bitches? Bits stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes. And what that means is a man, a man who's a user or a time waster, spender, he's going to lose interest in an empowered woman. He's going to lose interest really fast in an empowered woman. But the benefit of him losing interest really fast in you is you will be choosing a man who might be a user or a spender. And if you're not familiar with this chart, highly recommend, by the way, this is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's the three types of people dating today. There are either users, spenders or growers and builders and users of the love bombers. They're the players. They're the gold diggers. They're the entitled people. They're just in it for themselves. They're just using you because they're takers. And then the spenders are the people who want companionship. They want connection. They want sex. But they have no intentionality, no direction, no really comprehension. They oftentimes their life is in chaos. They're going through a contentious divorce. Maybe they have a contentious ex. Maybe they've got issues with their children. Maybe they pamper their children. How many of you women have been with men who literally pamper their daughters and their daughters have been the gatekeepers of the relationship for you? I hear this continually over and over again. And then maybe they have work issues. Those are the spenders. And what I mean is if a man's life, if the foundation of underneath them doesn't feel solid, it's going to be very difficult for him to actually lean in to see that you are the one, to see that you're worthy. And then lastly is the growers and the builders over here, the growers and the builders. These are the people that got their act together. They genuinely want commitment. They want long-term relationship. They look at everything from a we perspective, a we perspective. And most people who are users or spenders, they're dysfunctional. Their relationship skills are mediocre at best. Their emotional maturity is mediocre at best. This is why women come to me for private coaching because my job is to teach you which questions to ask a man to determine, based on your personality, determine if he's the right fit for you. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me. It's in the description and it'll be the first comment listed as well. If you want to schedule a call with me so you can learn the skills so you don't waste your time with those users and spenders. And you can find those actual men who are growers and builders. So preparing for this, for this broadcast, I did a little Google search on when does a man know that she's the right fit? When does a man know that she's the one? When does a man know she's one? Let me read to you what it says. It says, the average American man knows after seven months of dating if his partner is the one according to new research. A survey of 2000 engaged and married American men revealed 49% of them who popped the question received little hints from their partner encouraging the proposal. Now, many of you know I recently was the officiant at a wedding.  They've been together for just not quite four years. And he said he knew by the fourth month she was the one. Okay. Now, what makes him unique was he's in that young, so I suspect this survey was based on a younger category of people, a younger category of people of men who are on the lookout for a wife, on the lookout for the wife. These are the men who are those, remember I shared earlier, the growers and the builders. These are the men that want to grow. By the way, the reason why it's called growers and builders, they want to grow or build something with you. Okay. So I suspect that these numbers are based on men who actually value women. They actually have a sense of care for the other person. So they operate differently. So this is why it's so critically important to determine are you with a user or spender or are you with someone who's a grower because a man who is in that user spender category. It doesn't matter if he thinks you're the most important person on the planet. He doesn't have the capacity to actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship. And usually because there's a sense of dysfunctionality going on in his life. Like I said, but a lot of this is the divorce. By the way, now I talked about younger men in the age demographic that I speak to in the over 40 category left roughly about 75% of single out there dating are divorced.  I know I've had several women just recently tell me that they fell in love with a man. The man fell in love with them, but their children was the was the stonewall to actually making the relationship work. And that's just one of dozens examples, whether it's a contentious ex, whether it's work issues. And midlife men actually become here's the thing. I'm of that generation where we actually valued women a little bit more. But because of pornography, because of social media, and because of many women's weak boundaries, I even find myself looking at women. I have looked at women as low hanging fruit that I've devalued them because they make it so many of them make it so easy to have sex with you. Without any trust being built without any trust being built that trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is really about does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own. This person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own. And when a man actually steps into that, that category of looking at a person and actually genuinely caring about that person's feelings. And by the way, men can have sex with women on the first date and still genuinely care about that person's feelings. And you know how you know it's because he communicates from a vulnerable, authentic and transparent way. Let me repeat that he communicates from a vulnerable, authentic, transparent way, actually operating from a place of your feelings and not his needs. Let me repeat that he's operating from a place of your feelings and not his needs. Not to suggest he can't express his needs, but he's actually checking in with you and seeing where are you really checking in? Where are you emotionally? And I see a lot of men that bulldoze women for their own needs. And that's not actually demonstrating that you would even treat her as the one. And by the way, it's very rare when a man devalues a woman in the beginning, it's rare that he will value her later.   Does that make sense? Does that make sense? And look at, I get it.  It really does. And I'm going to say the minute sex became easy, the minute the men didn't have to buy the cow to get the milk, we didn't have to lease the cow. We didn't even have to be near the cow. We could just go to this grocery store to get the milk. We didn't have to be near the cow. All we had to do is swipe away on one of these apps and there's the milk for free practically. And many of you women listening to this have been guilty of this. So how are we going to change this? How are we going to change this narrative? It starts by being very radically honest from the get-go and set healthy boundaries. That's right. Set healthy boundaries. This is why if you're familiar with my dating vow, I'll post it below. But my dating vow is basically an agreement between the two of you. Here's a copy of it if you want to look at it. It's an agreement between the two of you to make a commitment to saying, if we're going to have regular sex together, it's monogamous.  We're exclusive in the sense that we're not actively on the dating apps looking at for people. We make a commitment to one another that we're going to explore this relationship together. We make a commitment that if one person wants to get out, we make a commitment that we speak up to each other instead of goes disappear or flake out. And by the way, most men, nine out of 10 men will reject this. Why?  But here's the thing, and I'm working with a client who literally has been adopted this. My dating vow is relatively new. And she's already reached the ninth date and they haven't had sex together. He's treating her with respect. He's treating her with kindness. He's consistent in his behavior. He's communicating, but communicating from an authentic place, a transparent place. And he's made a level of commitment by even going off the dating apps. And to me, that demonstrates that he values her.  And I can't begin to tell you one of the most important fundamentals in my private coaching we talk about incessantly. Incessantly? Is that it? Yeah, quite a bit.  And I'm sorry, but you can lean back in your feminine energy and be claimed and get hooked on the wrong guy. That's why if you really want to tell if he really values you, it's that when you express your feelings and you express your boundaries, he's not trying to bulldoze you into his feelings. He actually listens to your feelings and say, you know what?  I respect you. I value you. He doesn't have to say these words. He might just hopefully be thinking this and he goes, you know, we can go at your pace. I'm not in no rush. And by the way, the minute a man actually operates from that place, your walls drop. Which isn't, I mean what I mean is that's a good thing, but you know, I'm not saying you should operate from walls because that's what it feels like. But you know what? You begin to trust him more when a man shows up trustworthy. And trust is the only way the two of you are ever going to know each other's the one. Let me repeat trust again. Trust isn't merely about fidelity. Trust is can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as my own? Doesn't mean we're not going to make mistakes as man. Doesn't mean we're not going to be selfish. Look, I can be ridiculously selfish. Okay. I can be. It's just innate. By the way, when you think about it, when we are born, we are literally for the first two years of our lives, we are put up on a pedestal.  We can't feed ourselves. We can't get around. You know, we can't make any money to buy food or shelter. So we are being pampered. We are literally bred to be selfish. This is why it requires really good parenting to teach values of valuing people. And I got to tell you today because of the bombardment of pornography and the bombardment of social media. And again, as I said earlier, the lack of boundaries by so many women, it's made it very easy for us men to devalue you. I see this in dating apps when I see, I can literally tell the women who are selling their bodies as a way to get a man. And we look at those women as low hanging fruit. We're like, we're in it.  And she actually loves on herself. And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend she loves herself. She is that babe in total control of herself. And those are the women that we want for those for us growers and builders. Those are the women we want to commit to and will recognize they're the one very quickly when they operate from a healthy boundary. And it's not just about sex. It's about saying, by the way, a boundary simply means what's okay and what's not okay for me. And what I love are the women who express themselves in a vulnerable, authentic, transparent way. And many of you are fucking, you're so afraid to speak your truth. You're so afraid to speak your truth. Chapter one in my book, if it's sincere and from, speak your truth to it from kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. And let me just say this. I was working. One of the things I do as a coach is I actually help women craft the speeches that they give to men. And it's so easy for me to do because they're vulnerable with me. And all I do is rearrange the words so they can express it to a man in an articulate way. That's one of my gifts. Okay. Check out the link below to schedule a call with me if you want to learn how to do that better.   And that is how a man is going to know you are the one. All right. Did this sink in? Does this resonate? Listen, hit that like button. If it resonated with you, please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe right now. If you haven't already subscribed, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. And if you're a regular on my live streams, this is time for our Q&A. During our Q&A, this is a time to ask me a question. If you write the word question, then post the question thereafter. Again, write the word question, post the question thereafter, or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat or Super Thanks if you're watching the replay. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. We already had someone donate $4.99. I want to thank Colleen. The Super Sticker Super Chat, all the money goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. He's my son right there. He's the one who passed away. He passed away four years ago. I can't believe it. And in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute. And like I said, defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking that help. All right. And again, if you're listening to the audio replay, you won't be able to see any of the chats here. All right, let's see what we have here. And I want to thank Colleen for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. All right, let's see if we have any questions. And I promise a little later on in this broadcast, I'll share some personal items regarding that new woman that I met while I was away at the mudding. If you want to hear what's happening, I'll give you an update. All right, Heather just popped in. Question. If my end goal is marriage, should I mention that up front or should I simply say I'm looking for a committed relationship? I'm not trying to say the M words scare even the good ones away. Well, here's the thing about, and by the way, great question Heather, I think, you know, after my divorce, I think for the first year after my divorce, I didn't want to get remarried. That was the last thing I wanted to do. So I guess it depends on how far apart his last significant relationship was. And so I don't look at marriage as the always the end all be all, I would say certainly a committed relationship with the idea, you could simply say, you know, I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married at some point. So you've kind of outlined how you'd like it to look, okay. And you kind of said, look, I'm good with either moving in together or getting married or possibly living together apart, which means that you basically have your two established homes and you make a fully committed relationship from that. So I don't think you have to say the M word. But I will tell you this, when a person doesn't know what they want, it's hard. This is why look at express what you want. Use the narrative I just said, okay. And just say, what are you looking for? Well, I'm just looking for something casual. I don't want anything serious, you know, I'm just not ready for anything serious. I'm not ready for anything serious and I'm not really ready for anything serious. I just want something casual light. I just don't want no pressure. I just, I want no drama. I just want everything casual and light. I don't want anything serious. Well, guess what?   Here's the thing, a lot of guys are clueless. They're running around. They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it. They're operating from the place of when I see her, I'll fall in love instead of saying I want commitment and then I'll see her. I think Wayne Dyer says it like this. He goes, most people operate, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. Instead of operating, excuse me, I'll, I'll, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it versus when I believe it, I will see it. When I believe it, I will see it when, and what I mean is when they believe in commitment, then they'll find commitment. but if they're hoping for some magic fairy dust to change them, look it. This is why the dating marketplace, as I said earlier, is a clusterfuck out there, because you don't know if he values you yet, because you don't know if he values commitment yet. And that's just my rant on that. So Heather, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Kim says, question. You know you're amazing, right? Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I'd like to think I'm pretty amazing, not in a arrogant way, just in a I value myself way. Okay, question. Do middle-aged men really want relationship or are most looking for casual situations? So the answer is most are looking for casual situation because the milk is free.  They made it think like, oh, it's just so easy. You've got Carol, you know, whatever her maiden name was, with three children, you got Mike Brady with his three children, they had Alice, the housekeeper. They could just, she could move into their home and just magically work out. She didn't have to work.  She didn't have to go work every day. She didn't have to carpool. She didn't have to go through, you know, a contentious divorce. I think they were both widowers or we found out later she was divorced. Okay, at least in the sequel movie. I think in the original storyline, they're both widowers. So they didn't have a contentious ex. They didn't have contentious children. They made it all work out. And their biggest problem was one bathroom for six kids.  And I'm using the term baggage.  And because they don't know how to cognitively do this because they haven't read books like eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. By the way, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina both you should be at least reading chapter one in this book because at least you'll learn mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship.  Listen, if you ever wanna have a chance and by the way, I'm not saying stand up for yourself in a, look, I talk about the book why men love bitches.    Ooh, let me repeat that needs, wants and desires expressing her needs, wants and desires in a way that's seen, heard and understood.  I highly recommend reading this book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg so you can learn how to better communicate in relationship. Here's another book, by the way I should all be reading emotional intimacy by Robert Masters.  Back I posted something on Instagram I'm gonna if I think I did. So it says here this is a meme, okay? Eventually you will stop thinking let me just read it eventually you'll stop thinking that communication is key and realize comprehension is key. You can communicate all you want to someone but if they don't allow if they don't allow different ideas in their view way of thinking or you don't allow for it it's useless real comprehension is the way listen if you can't articulate your feelings and they can't comprehend it you're not communicating with one another. I think I just went off on a tangent. So Shelly let me go back to your question. So coming back to you roughly about 20% of men, okay. 20% of men are users, 60% are spenders and 20% are growers. So to answer your question most are the users and spenders and you've got to learn how to vet for the growers that's why you hire me schedule a schedule a call with me if you want to learn how to do that. All right, thank you Shelly I appreciate it. Question, I can't get over my ex-fiancé of 12 years ago it doesn't help as we work together since 2018. How do I know if he doesn't how do I know if he doesn't love me or is just afraid? You know, why is it about him? I don't know Miss Johnson. Why is it about his feelings? What about you? Why are you pining for someone that ended 12 years ago? Answer me that question because you are most likely in a fantasy about him. You have a fantasy about him. Because you guys haven't done anything for 12 years you're just holding it. It's called unrequited love. Do me a favor, Miss Johnson, Google unrequited love. Hold on a second. Hey Google, what does unrequited love mean? Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. Okay, so either, you know, you have to get a handle on your fantasy. I'm sorry to be blunt, okay? That's just my style, okay? But you're operating from a fantasy. It doesn't matter about him. What matters most is you get into your empowerment, read his book for gosh sakes because you'll recognize that it's you that are giving your power away. Remember when I said women give their power away? They drop their boundaries because you're caring about what he's thinking and you're not actually expressing yourself. And I know, but Jonathan, I love him. I just love him so much and I want him back. That's because you're operating from the premise of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. When you love yourself, you don't need him to love you. And then you can operate from a place of actually seeing if this is real or not. And the fact that you work together, look it. I'm sure he's been sleeping with other women the last 12 years. I'm assuming you've been dating other men in the last 12 years. So either have a conversation with them or move on. Have a conversation with them, move on because unrequited love is the definition of insanity. It's dreaming over and over again the same thing and expecting some different results. I'm sorry I was tough on you, Ms. Johnson, but I think, does anyone agree with me say, Jonathan, I agree with your assessment of this situation. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Thank you. Debbie says, yes, this really hit home. Thank you, Jonathan. I believe the guy I've been dating online for a year and seven months, maybe a user and I don't wanna want to be his needs to grow and build. There you go. All right, bump, bump, bump. Eve, you know, forever smiley question. I'm dating this guy. I told him I was going to move on because his communication was not what I'm looking for. He pleaded with me to give him time to show improvement. So once again, this is an example. There is no question here. If you're gonna ask me a question, oh wait. Oh, okay, I see here, there's more to it. Should I give him the opportunity to improve? I kind of liked his response. Well, what was the issue of communication? I'm assuming it's not an issue of communication. I'm assuming it's an issue of vulnerability, authenticity and transparency. Let me repeat that. Most likely transparency, meaning he's not transparent. If it's material to the relationship, he's not transparent or he's not authentic with his feelings.   It is not something that you can snap your finger.  I mentioned this book. You should read this book. I hear you. I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. But let me tell you, the reason why most couples go to couples therapy because they're terrible at communicating their needs, wants and desires in a way that's seen, heard and understood. So does that mean you give them another chance? You know what you do, under this one condition, you agree to go to therapy on a regular basis to improve your communication skills. If he's really worthy of your vagina, if he's really values you enough, he will say, absolutely, yes, I'll do that. And if he says, no, we don't need therapy, that's for losers, then he doesn't get your vagina.  And I yell and scream because I feel like your children about to touch fire.  And by the way, and I yell and scream because you guys habitually do this. So you wanna see if he genuinely values you, recommend therapy, couples counseling for better communication skills, and then see what happens after a few months. It's a test, it's a test. Are you willing to do it? Let me know forever, Smiley. Okay, let's see. Let's go swim in, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Sorry, I'm trying to find, I saw question. Forever Smiley followed up. I actually, and by the way, I apologize if it was tough on you. I actually tried to cut ties three times this week. LOL, does this mean he could be the one? I told him no sex and he was okay with that. Mentioned my beliefs and he ran to take a pick with his Bible. I don't get that. Sorry. I don't like that you said I tried three times and to cut ties, LOL. I mean, look, are you guys standing in your power or are you, listen, unless two people have really, I'm gonna share something in a moment about my own personal life to illustrate this. But unless you have really good communication skills with one another, you can play these games back and forth, but you're gonna be playing games. And sadly, as we age, we don't get, listen, the time in front of us is a lot shorter than the time behind us. This is why I always say, get busy living or get busy dying. Now, couples counseling, that's what I recommend for you forever. By the way, every one of you, I recommend couples counseling to improve your communication skills because that's gonna, because it demonstrates that he values you if he's willing to do it with you. That's my invitation for you. Is this sinking in everybody? Please let me know, give me an amen. Ah, okay, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Hey, Kimberly from Chicago. So what's the status of you and your Chicago girl? Anything exciting happening? Well, okay, so I'll fess up here.  And I don't know if she was annoyed with that or not. She didn't express anything. So, and I told her I'm public with my community. So, but I don't think I'm, I don't feel as though I'm betraying any trust. But let me just share with you something that happened in the last 24 hours of communicating. There has been an expression expressed by both sides of fear, a reluctancy because of the distance. But more importantly is that with the distance that could be a cause for ending the relationship in the future. And so I believe that she's scared and I believe I'm scared. I actually wrote some notes. And I'm not scared, but certainly freaking out which is a level of scared. Now, and what we've been doing is communicating with one another. We're really talking about this from a vulnerable, authentic, transparent way. Vulnerable means there's a fear of rejection. That's what vulnerability means, a fear of rejection. Authenticity means your being as honest with yourself as possible. And transparent means if it's material to the relationship, you're disclosing it. So what I like is that we're both talking about this. Now by talking about it, we are inherently building trust with one another which is incredibly important for a man to ever see a woman as the one and vice versa is trust is built. And this communication is very conscious and it's very caring for each other's feelings. Now, some people will say, you shouldn't get this too deep too early but there's a real, long distance requires a lot more heroic work than just being able to casually hang out with someone that lives nearby. So we're having these really important conversations with one another. We're having these important conversations with one another which I think demonstrates that this means something, that it actually means something. This isn't frivolous, this means something. What I also believe in this communication is that it's intentional. It's intentional, meaning it's mindful and intentional. And lastly, it means we're thinking about the outcome from a very conscientious cautious place which is a very healthy way to approach relationship versus being ambivalent, versus being naive, versus jumping in, versus magical thinking. A lot of people operate from this magical thinking perspective and not from an intentional, mindful, vulnerable, conscientious way. And I think what this says about both of us that it demonstrates that there's a level of readiness, I mean, at least if we're not ready with each other, there's a level of readiness between us because we're having these deeper conversations and most people just jump into relationships. Let's just take it slow or not take it slow. Let's just jump in, we'll have, this will be the depth of our conversation. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Hey, did you ever really bless day? Hey, I hope your day is good. Like that's the level of depth, okay? Homie don't operate that way. I'm going in saying, and I appreciate that she's a bit scared. I expressed, now I think about, when I said I'm scared or uncertain is because I want to be truthful. I don't know until you actually really, truly bond with someone and distance makes it a much harder to do that. I mean, it does make it easy on one sense because when you get together, it's a bubble relationship.  So in the moment, it feels great, okay? You have this intense chemistry, you're really into each other. It's the time apart that is the challenging piece. But more importantly, she's trying to determine if I'm legit.  I mean, I could be the biggest, I'd like to think I'm not, but this channel could just be a ruse.   Even I have, I don't want to use the word gaslighted, but I've gotten defensive and sometimes I miss, a matter of fact, I did a video on gaslighting and I got accused of gaslighting when it was just, I was just didn't know how to express myself and such.  Relationships are complicated because we're all riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that make it difficult to actually lean into a relationship with one another and it can be scary. I'm scared ever since losing Connor. I'm scared of giving my heart to someone ever since my last significant relationship ended. I'm scared too. The same time, my gut tells me, I don't know if she's the one, okay? So with respects to this title, but my gut tells me she's worth investing in and I've told her that. And my hope is that we build, we create the building blocks and if it doesn't work out, my hope is we do it in a very conscious way. If it doesn't work out to uncouple with each other, if we reach that level of coupling, look it. We gotta get to the next date or the next, I don't wanna say next date, but the next meeting, which is 10 days from now. And then after that, it's gotta be the next one. And I would say after that, I'll get a better sense if this is serious.  Men don't operate the way I operate. So don't put men in my category. I'm a rarity, okay? I overthink things. Oh my God, do I overthink things? My friends are already saying, Jonathan, you're overthinking things, okay? But I do that because I'm protective. It's my nature to be protective of her and I'm protective of myself. Could that mean I might sabotage things? Yeah, that could happen too. But I'm sharing all this with you because the most important thing I want to express here and stress is the importance of vulnerability, intentionality, mindfulness, conscientiousness, and thinking about it from the bigger picture and not the naive things because long distance relationships are a challenge to begin with.  Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Give me an amen, Jonathan. All right, well, I saw some questions come in. This question from Julia, does sex have to be, oh, by the way, Kimberly, let me backtrack. Kimberly, I hope I answered your question. Please let me know if I did.  Well, listen, most men will not commit or at least be exclusive until they've sampled the goods, okay? It's like shoe shopping. We all gotta do it. So it's part of the process these days. I mean, try my vow, my dating vow ahead of time to weed out the guys who are flaky. That would be my suggestion. All right, I hope that answers your question. SL says, question, Jonathan, I hope you're well. I'm interested in a shy guy who is 41, never married, no kids. How can I get the ball rolling without setting the trend of doing the chasing?  And I kind of liked that. And during the date, she said, I like you. So I said, wait, if you ask me out on a date, I would say yes, 12 words.  So 15 words, okay, is all you need. Try it, let me know how it works out, SL, thank you. Jennifer says, the lack of depth in dating makes it hard because I try to learn about men and they don't ask me anything. Well, the men you've met haven't, but there are plenty of men who do. You just have to go out with the right ones. If you need help with that, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Jennifer says, thank you for sharing your story with this woman, helpful for all of us. I'm happy to hear that. That makes me happy to hear it. All right, TMS Jones says, amen. The warrior banner dance minister, I agree, life love. There you go. All right, Sonya says, question. He said we are incompatible. Is that different from poor communication? No, compatibility is not the same as communication. He just means you're not a fit. Move on, next, four letter word, next. All right, Dahl says, question. Was with my guy for two years. He broke up with me three months ago. Still has photos of us on Facebook and showing that he's still in a relationship with me.  I mean, he probably hasn't moved on. Why did he break up? What was the reason for the breakup? But why he's doing that? Why do you care? Dahls, why do you care? Why aren't you folk?  She cares what she's doing. That's my invitation for you. All right, Debbie says, Jonathan, I agree with your assessment on Miss Johnson's situation. May God bless you, Jonathan. I think you're the best one of them. And I want to meet the other one, okay? My clone, thank you. All right, I think we're gonna get, okay. Kimberly says, question, how many actual hours have you spent together this woman? That is confidential. That is confidential, okay? Need life's say. All right, question. Are arranged marriages worthwhile than we give them credit for? Okay, we're gonna wrap up with this question. I love this question. Are arranged marriages more worthwhile than we give credit to? So during my trip to Chicago, when I got picked up at the airport, I was picked up by a young Pakistani man. When I say young, he was 37 years old. And my cab ride was an hour and 20 minutes. So we had an intense conversation. And it turned out, I asked him about his life and he's married to children. Grew up in Pakistan. He had family members here. So that brought him over. And he said, his marriage was arranged. And I said, how do you feel about that? He says, I love it. I love it. I go, why? And he said something very profound. He said, you don't marry the woman or two people aren't marrying each other. It's two families merging together. So you've got his mother and father, her mother and father, her siblings, his siblings. And they're merging this. And whether those siblings have, they're married to one another type of thing. And you're merging families together. And he says, you have the strength of the family to hold and support the relationship. And he says, he loves it. And it made me think about America where we literally kick children out the door at age 18. There's an individuation. There's really a lack. By the way, and then here in America, two families could, I mean, I've seen this happen over and over again where two people get married, but the parents don't like each other and they create tension or they don't like the fiance, or they don't like the groom. I mean, and they undermine the relationship. The families, and by the way, families can undermine the relationship. And also if you're divorced, children continually undermine relationships. So imagine in the Brady bunch where Carol Brady's kids couldn't stand Mike Brady and vice versa would have undermined the relationship. So with arranged marriages, there's a lot, there's a bigger picture involved. It requires really thinking about can these two families merge together? Because here in the United States, we no longer operate from, we no longer operate from tribes, villages and communities. We don't operate from that strength of the tribe. And there's no tribe accountability. That's why when I said, I'm your big brother, if I could be there on a first date and I had the shotgun pointed at the guy's fed because there's a sense of accountability when you have a tribe and these days when you're meeting total strangers, ladies, there's no one to protect you from a stranger. There's nobody to protect you. I don't necessarily mean physically but certainly physically is important. But I mean emotionally. By the way, I had a client recently.  I would do that for a client. I'd get up, matter of fact, if you're dating someone and you want me to get on the phone with them to vet him, I mean, it's gonna charge, I charge a shitload of money to do this. But you know what? I'm your protector. My job is to fair it out. Does he value you or does he devalue you? And because the tribe and the arranged marriages were all about valuing each other, they had a greater chance for success. So to answer your question, which I love wrapping up on that one, arranged marriages actually do have greater sense of success, not always but a greater chance of success. All right, Jennifer says, I like, wait a minute, I like the idea of arranged marriage seriously. Well, there you go. All right, does my content sink in with you? Is it resonating with you? Please let me know. Please give me a thumbs up, hit that like button, share this with your friends, subscribe if you haven't subscribed, tell your friends about my channel. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me. If you can't afford coaching, check out my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis for just a nominal fee and I shoot personalized videos just for you. That's my group. Check out my podcast, check out my Instagram, check out my free gift we're doing. Join my mailing list today. Check out the list because I'm doing a free call where you can call in to ask questions next week. So do all that, check out the links below. All right, I think this will be a great place. Did I bring value to you? Please let me know. Say, Jonathan, this was valuable. Please let me know.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Renee and Gail. Gail, yes, I would get married again, absolutely. Desert or desert, Heather, Christie, Mary, Diane, Sarah, Hailey, Blanca, enjoy the moment, travel, Jillian, forever smiley, the warrior banner dance ministry, roller girl, Sandra's in the house, Hailey, I think I said that, Lexi, Kimberly, thank you all so much, wishing you a super duper wonderful thing. Bye-bye now, hope this was of value, bye-bye.