CHAPTER IV THE TRUE HISTORY PREFACE AND BOOK I Lucian's true history is, as the author himself acknowledges in the preface to it, a collection of ingenious lies calculated principally to amuse the reader, not without several illusions as he informs us to the works of ancient poets, historians, and philosophers, as well as most probably the performances of contemporary writers, whose absurdities are either obliquely a glanced at, or openly ridiculed and exposed. We cannot but lament that the humor of the greatest part of these illusions must be lost to us, the works themselves being long since buried in oblivion. Lucian's true history, therefore, like the Duke of Buckingham's rehearsal, cannot be half so agreeable as when it was first written. There is, however, enough remaining to secure it from contempt. The vein of rich fancy and wildness of a luxuriant imagination, which run through the hole sufficiently, point out the author as a man of uncommon genius and invention. The reader will easily perceive that Bergerac, Swift, and other writers have read this work of Lucian's, and are much indebted to him for it. PREFACE As athletics of all kinds hold it necessary, not only to prepare the body by exercise and discipline, but sometimes to give it proper relaxation which they esteem no less requisite, so do I think it highly necessary also for men of letters, after their severer studies, to relax a little, that they may return to them with the greater pleasure and alacrity, and for this purpose there is no better repose than that which arises from the reading of such books as not only by their humor and pleasantry may entertain them, but convey at the same time some useful instruction, both which I flatter myself the reader will meet with in following the history. For he will not only be pleased with the novelty of the plan, and the variety of lies which I have told with an air of truth, but with the tacit allusion so frequently made, not I trust without some degree of humor, to our ancient poets, historians, and philosophers who have told us some most miraculous and incredible stories, and which I should have pointed out to you, but that I thought they would be sufficiently visible on the perusal. Tessius the Snidean, son of Tessiocus, wrote an account of India, and of things there which he never saw himself, nor heard from anybody else. Iambulus also has acquainted us with many wonders which he met with in the great sea, and which everybody knew to be absolute falsehoods. The work, however, was not un-entertaining. Besides these, many others have likewise presented us with their own travels and peregrinations, where they tell us of wondrous large beasts, savage men, and unheard of ways of living. The great leader and master of all this, Radha Montaid, is Homer's Ulysses, who talks to Alcinius about the winds pent up in bags, man-eaters and one-eyed cyclops, wild men, creatures with many heads, several of his companions turned into beasts by enchantment, and a thousand things of this kind, which he related to the ignorant and credulous Assians. These notwithstanding I cannot think much to blame for their falsehoods, seeing that the custom has been sometimes authorized, even by the pretenders to philosophy. I only wonder that they should ever expect to be believed, being, however, myself incited by a ridiculous vanity, with the desire of transmitting something to posterity, that I may not be the only man who doth not indulge himself in the liberty of fiction as I could not relate anything true, for I know of nothing at present worthy to be recorded. I turn my thoughts towards falsehood, a species of it, however, much more excusable than that of others, as I shall at least say one thing true, when I tell you that I lie and shall hope to escape the general censure by acknowledging that I mean to speak not a word of truth throughout. No ye therefore that I am going to write about what I never saw myself, nor experienced, nor so much as heard from anybody else, and what is more of such things as neither are nor ever can be. I give my readers warning, therefore, not to believe me. Once upon a time then I set sail from the pillars of Hercules, and getting into the western oceans set off with a favourable wind, the cause of my peregrination was no more than a certain impatience of mind and thirst after novelty, with a desire of knowing where the sea ended and what kind of men inhabited the several shores of it. For this purpose I laid in a large stock of provisions, and as much water as I thought necessary, taking along with me fifty companions of the same mind as myself. I prepared with all a number of arms with a skillful pilot whom we hired at a considerable expense, and made our ship, for it was a penis, as tight as we could in case of a long and dangerous voyage. We sailed on with a prosperous gale for a day and a night, but being still in sight of land did not make any great way. The next day, however, at sun rising, the winds springing up, the waves ran high, it grew dark, and we could not infer all a sail. We gave ourselves up to the winds and waves, and were tossed about in a storm, which raged with great fury for three score and nineteen days, but on the eightieth the sun shone bright, and we saw not far from us an island high and woody, with the sea round it quite calm and placid, for the storm was over. We landed, got out, and happy to escape from our troubles, laid ourselves down on the ground for some time, after which we arose, and choosing out thirty of our company to take care of the vessel, I remained on shore with the other twenty in order to take a view of the interior part of the island. About three stadia from the sea, as we passed through a wood, we found a pillar of brass, with a Greek inscription on it, the characters almost effaced. We could make out, however, these words. Thus far came Hercules and Bacchus. Near it were the marks of two footsteps on a rock, one of them measured about an acre, the other something less. The smaller one appeared to me to be that of Bacchus, the larger that of Hercules. We paid our adorations to the deities and proceeded. We had not got far before we met with a river, which seemed exactly to resemble wine, particularly that of Chaius. It was of a vast extent and in many places navigable. This circumstance induced us to give more credit to the inscription on the pillar, when we perceived such visible marks of Bacchus's presence here. As I had a mind to know whence this river sprung, I went back to the place from which it seemed to arise, but could not trace the spring.  At the root of every one the wine flowed in great abundance, and from them I suppose the river was collected. We saw a great quantity of fish in it which were extremely like wine, both in taste and color, and after we had taken and eaten a good many of them we found ourselves intoxicated, and when we cut them up observed that they were full of grape stones. It occurred to us afterwards that we should have mixed them with some water fish, as by themselves they tasted rather too strong of the wine. We passed the river in a part of it which was affordable, and a little farther on met with the most wonderful species of vine. The bottoms of them that touched the earth were green and thick, and all the upper part most beautiful women, with the limbs perfect from the waist, only that from the tops of the fingers branches sprung out full of grapes, just as Daphne as represented is turned into a tree when Apollo laid hold on her. The head likewise instead of hair they had leaves and tendrils. When we came up to them they addressed us, some in the Lydian tongue, some in the Indian, but most of them in Greek. They would not suffer us to taste their graves, but when anybody attempted it cried out as if they were hurt. We left them and returned to our companions in the ship. We then took our casks, filled some of them with water and some with wine from the river, slept one night on shore, and the next morning set sail, the wind being very moderate. About noon the island being now out of sight, on a sudden a most violent whirlwind arose and carried the ship above three thousand stadia, lifting it up above the water. From whence it did not let us down again into the seas, but kept us suspended in mid-air. In this manner we hung for seven days and nights, and on the eighth beheld a large tract of land, like an island round, shining, and remarkably full of light. We got on shore and found on examination that it was cultivated and full of inhabitants, though we could not then see any of them. As night came on other islands appeared some large other small and of a fiery color. There was also below these another land with seas, woods, mountains, and cities in it, and this we took to be our native country. As we were advancing forwards we were seized on a sudden by the hippogyopy, for so it seems they were called by the inhabitants. These hippogyopy are men carried upon vultures, which they ride as we do horses. These vultures have each three heads, and are immensely large. You may judge of their size when I tell you that one of their feathers is bigger than the mast of a ship. The hippogyopy have orders, it seems, to fly round the kingdom, and if they find any stranger to bring him to the king, they took us therefore and carried us before him. As soon as he saw us he guessed by our garb what we were. You are Grecians, said he, are you not? We told him we were, and how, added he, got you hither through the air. We told him everything that had happened to us, and he in return related to us his own history, and informed us that he also was a man, that his name was Endymion, that he had been taken away from our earth in his sleep, and brought to this place where he reigned as sovereign. That spot, he told us, which now looked like a moon to us, was the earth. He desired us with all not to make ourselves uneasy, for that we should soon have everything we wanted. If I succeed, said he, in the war which I am now engaged in against the inhabitants of the sun, you will be very happy here. We asked him then what enemies he had, and what the quarrel was about. Fighten, he replied, who is king of the sun, for that is inhabited as well as the moon, has been at war with us for some time past. The foundation of it was this. I had formerly an intention of sending some of the poorest of my subjects to establish a colony in Lucifer, which was uninhabited. But Fighten, out of envy, put a stop to it by opposing me in the midway with his hippomirmacies. We were overcome and desisted, our forces at that time being unequal to theirs. I have now, however, resolved to renew the war and fix my colony. If you have a mind, you shall accompany us in the expedition. I will furnish you every one with a royal vulture and other accouterments. We shall set out tomorrow. With all my heart, said I, whenever you please. We stayed, however, and subbed with him, and rising early the next day proceeded with the army when the spies gave us notice that the enemy was approaching. The army consisted of a hundred thousand, besides the scouts and engineers, together with the auxiliaries, amongst whom were eighty thousand Hippogyopy, and twenty thousand who were mounted on the Lachinoptery. These are very large birds whose feathers are of a kind of herb, and whose wings look like lettuces. Next to these stood the Syncrobily and the Scorodomachy. Our allies from the north were three thousand Silatopsita and five thousand Anomodromy. The former take their names from the fleas which they ride upon, every flea being as big as twelve elephants. The latter are foot soldiers and are carried about in the air without wings in this manner. They have large gowns hanging down to their feet, these they tuck up and spread in a form of a sail, but the wind drives them about like so many boats. In the battle they generally wear targets. It was reported that seventy thousand Strathabulani from the stars over Cappadocia were to be there, together with five thousand Hippogyrani. These I did not see, for they never came. I shall not attempt, therefore, to describe them. Of these, however, most wonderful things were related. Such were the forces of Endymion. Their arms were all alike, their helmets were made of beans, for they have beans there of a prodigious size and strength, and their scaly breastplates of lupins sewed together, for the skins of their lupins are like a horn and impenetrable, their shields and swords the same as our own. The army ranged themselves in this manner. The right wing was formed by the Hippogypy with the king and round him his chosen band to protect him, amongst which we were admitted. On the left were the Lachinoptery, the Yog-Zelris in the middle, the foot were in all about sixty thousand myriads. They have spiders, you must know in this country, in infinite numbers, and of pretty large dimensions, each of them being as big as one of the islands of the Cyclides. These were ordered to cover the air from the moon quite to the morning star. This being immediately done, and the field of battle prepared, the infantry was drawn up under the command of Nishtyrion, the son of Eudeanus. The left wing of the enemy, which was commanded by Phaeton himself, consisted of the Hippomirmuses. These are large birds and resemble our ants, except with regard to size, the largest of them covering two acres. These fight with their horns, and were in number about fifty thousand. In the right wing were the Eroconopys, about five thousand, all archers and riding upon large gnats. To these succeeded the Erocoropys, light infantry, but remarkably brave and useful warriors, for they threw out of slings exceeding large radishes, which whoever was struck by died immediately, a most horrid stench exhaling from the wound. They are said indeed to dip their arrows in a poisonous kind of malum. Behind these stood ten thousand columnissates, heavy-armed soldiers who fight hand to hand, so called because they use shields made of mushrooms and spears of the stalks of Asparagus. Near them were placed the Cinnabalani, about five thousand, who were sent by the inhabitants of Sirius. These were men with dogs' heads, and mounted upon winged acorns. Some of their forces did not arrive in time, amongst whom there were to have been some slingers from the Milky Way, together with the Nephilo-Sintari. They indeed came when the first battle was over, and I wish they had never come at all. The slingers did not appear, which they say, so enraged fighting, that he set their city on fire. Thus prepared the enemy began the attack, the signal being given and the asses braying on each side, for such are the trumpeters they make use of on these occasions. The left wing of Helietes, unable to sustain the onset of our Hippogyopy, soon gave way, and we pursued them with great slaughter. Their right wing, however, overcame our left. The arrow-cannopies falling upon us with astonishing force, and advancing even to our infantry by their assistance we recovered, and they now began to retreat when they found the left wing had been beaten. The defeat then becoming general, many of them were taken prisoners and many slain. The blood flowed in such abundance that the clouds were tinsed with it and looked red, just as they appear to us at sunset. From thence it distilled through upon the earth. Some such thing, I suppose, happened formally amongst the gods, which made Homer believe that Job reigned blood at the death of Saurpedon. When we returned from our pursuit of the enemy we set up two trophies, one on account of the infantry engagement in the spider's web and another in the clouds for our battle in the air. Thus prosperously everything went on. When our spies informed us that the Nephilosentars, who should have been with Phaeton before the battle, were just arrived, they made indeed as they approached towards us a most formidable appearance, being half-winged horses and half-men. The man from the waist upwards about as big as the Rhodian Colossus and the horses of the size of a common ship of Berthen. I have not mentioned the number of them which was really so great that it would appear incredible. They were commanded by Sagittarius from the Zodiac. As soon as they learned that their friends had been defeated they sent a message to Phaeton to call him back whilst they put their forces into order of battle and immediately fell upon the Selenites, who were unprepared to resist them, being all employed in the division of the spoil. They soon put them to flight, pursued the king quite to his own city, and slew the greatest part of his birds. They then tore down the trophies, ran over all the field woven by the spiders, and seized me and two of my companions. Phaeton at length coming up they raised their trophies for themselves. As for us we were carried that very day to the palace of the sun, our hands bound behind us by a cord of the spider's web. The conquerors determined not to beseech the city of the moon, but when they returned home resolved to build a wall between them and the sun, that his rays might not shine upon it. This wall was double and made of thick clouds, so that the moon was always eclipsed and in perpetual darkness. Endymion, sorely distressed at these calamities, sent an embassy humbly beseeching them to pull down the wall and not to leave him in utter darkness, promising to pay them tribute, to assist them with his forces and never more to rebel. He sent hostages with all. Phaeton called two councils on the affair, at the first of which they were all inexorable, but at the second changed their opinion. A treaty at length was agreed to on these conditions. The Heliots and their allies, on one part, make the following agreement with the Selenites and their allies on the other, that the Heliots shall demolish the wall now erected between them, that they shall make no eruptions into the territories of the moon, and restore the prisoners according to certain articles of ransom to be stipulated concerning them, that the Selenites shall permit all the other stars to enjoy their rights and privileges, that they shall never wage war with the Heliots, but assist them whenever they shall be invaded, that the king of the Selenites shall pay to the king of the Heliots an annual tribute of ten thousand casks of dew, for the insurance of which he shall send ten thousand hostages, that they shall mutually send out a colony to the morning star, in which whoever of either nation shall think proper may become a member, that the treaty shall be inscribed on a column of amber in the midst of the air and on the borders of the two kingdoms. This treaty was sworn to on the part of the Heliots by Vironides and Therides and Phlogius, and on the part of the Selenites by Nectar and Minaris and Paul Olympus. Such was the peace made between them. The wall was immediately pulled down, and we were set at liberty. When we returned to the moon our companions met and embraced us, shedding tears of joy, as did Andemian also. He entreated us to remain there, or to go along with the new colony. This I could by no means be persuaded to, but begged he would let us down into the sea. As he found I could not be prevailed on to stay after feasting us most nobly for seven days, he dismissed us. I will now tell you everything which I met with in the moon that was new and extraordinary. Amongst them, when a man grows old he does not die, but dissolves into smoke and turns to air. They all eat the same food, which is frogs roasted on the ashes from a large fire. Of these they have plenty which fly about in the air. They get together over the coals, snuff up the scent of them, and this serves them for vitals. Their drink is air squeezed into a cup which produces a kind of dew. He who is quite bald is esteemed of beauty amongst them, for they abominate long hair, whereas in the comments it is looked upon as a perfection at least, so we heard from some strangers who were speaking of them. They have not withstanding small beards, a little above the knee, no nails to their feet, and only one great toe. They have honey here which is extremely sharp, and when they exercise themselves, wash their bodies with milk. This mixed with a little of their honey makes excellent cheese. Their oil is extracted from onions, is very rich and smells like ointment. Their wines which are in great abundance yield water, and the grape stones are like hail. I imagine indeed that whenever the wind shakes their vines and bursts the grape, then comes down amongst us what we call hail. They make use of their belly, which they can open and shut as they please, as a kind of bag or pouch to put anything in they want. It has no liver or intestines, but is hairy and warm within, in so much that newborn children, when they are cold, frequently creep into it. The garments of the rich amongst them are made of glass, but very soft. The poor have woven brass, which they have here in great abundance, and by pouring a little water over it, so manage as to cart it like wool. I am afraid to mention their eyes, lest from the incredibility of the thing you should not believe me. I must however inform you that they have eyes, which they take in and out whenever they please, so that they can preserve them anywhere till occasion serves, and then make use of them. Many who have lost their own borrow from others, and there are several rich men who keep a stock of eyes by them. Their ears are made of the leaves of plain trees, except of those who spring as I observe to you from acorns. These alone have wooden ones. I saw likewise another very extraordinary thing in the King's Palace, which was a looking glass that is placed in a well, not very deep. Whoever goes down into the well hears everything that is said upon earth, and if he looks into the glass, beholds all the cities and nations of the world as plain as if he was close to them. I myself saw several of my friends there, and my whole native country, whether they saw me also I will not pretend to affirm. He who does not believe these things, whenever he goes there will know that I have said nothing but what is true. To return to our voyage, we took our leave of the King and his friends, got on board our ship and set sail, and Demian made me a present of two glass robes, two brass ones, and a whole coat of armor made of lupins, all of which I left in the Whale's belly. He likewise sent with us a thousand Hippogyopy, who escorted us five hundred stadia. We sailed by several places, and at length reached the new colony of the Morning Star, where we landed and took in water. From thence we steered into the zodiac, leaving the sun on our left. We passed close by his territory, and would have gone ashore many of our companions being very desirous of it, but the wind would not permit us. We had a view, however, of that region, and perceived that it was green, fertile, and well-watered, and abounding in everything necessary and agreeable. The Nephilosentars, who are mercenaries in the service of phyton, saw us and flew aboard our ship, but recollecting that we were included into the treaty, soon departed. The Hippogyopy likewise took their leave of us. All the next night and day we continued our course downwards, and towards evening came upon Lysinopolis. This city lies between Pleiades and the Hyades, and a little below the zodiac. We landed but saw no men, only a number of lamps running to and fro in the market place, and round the port. Some little ones the poor, I suppose, of the place, others the rich and great among them, very large, light and splendid. Every one had its habitation or candlestick to itself, and its own proper name as men have. We heard them speak, they offered us no injury, but invited us in the most hospitable manner. We were afraid, not withstanding. Neither would any of us venture to take any food or sleep. The king's court is in the middle of the city. Here he sits all night, calls everyone by name, and if they do not appear, condemns them to death for deserting their post. Their death is to be put out. We stood by and heard several of them plead their excuses for non-attendance. Here I found my own lamp, talked to him, and asked him how things went on at home. He told me everything that had happened. We stayed there one night, and the next day, losing our anchor, sailed off very near the clouds, where we saw and greatly admired the city of Nephilocoxigia, but the wind would not permit us to land. Coronas, the son of Caucifian, is king there. I remember Aristophanes, the poet, speaks of him, a man of wisdom and veracity, the truth of whose writings nobody can call in question. About three days after this we saw the ocean very plainly, but no land except those regions which hang in the air and which appeared to us all bright and fiery. The fourth day, about noon, the wind subsiding, we got safe down into the sea. No sooner did we touch the water but we were beyond major rejoiced. We immediately gave every man his supper, as much as we could afford, and afterwards jumped into the sea and swam, for it was quite calm and serene. It often happens that prosperity is the forerunner of the great misfortunes. We had sailed but two days in the sea, when early in the morning of the third at sunrise we beheld on a sudden several whales, and one amongst them of a most enormous size, being not less than fifteen hundred stadia in length, he came up to us with his mouth wide open, disturbing the sea for a long wave before him. The waves dashing round on every side. He weathered his teeth, which looked like so many long spears, and were white as ivory. We embraced and pieced and took leave of one another, expecting him every moment. He came near and swallowed us up at once, ship and all. He did not, however, crush us with his teeth, for the vessel luckily slipped through one of the interstices. When we were got in, for some time it was dark, and we could see nothing, but the whale happening to gape we beheld a large space big enough to hold a city with ten thousand men in it. In the middle were a great number of small fish, several animals cut in pieces, sails and anchors of ships, men's bones, and all kinds of merchandise. There was likewise a good quantity of land and hills, which seemed to have been formed of the mud which he had swallowed. There was also a wood, with all sorts of trees in it, herbs of every kind. Everything in short seemed to vegetate. The extent of this might be about two hundred and forty stadia. We saw also several seabirds, gulls and kingfishers making their nests in the branches. At our first arrival in these regions we could not help shedding tears. In the little time, however, I browsed my companions and we repaired our vessel, after which we sat down to supper on what the place afforded. Fish of all kinds we had here in plenty, and the remainder of the water which we brought with us from the morning star. When we got up the next day, as often as the whale gape, we could see mountains and islands, sometimes only the sky, and plainly perceived by our motion that he traveled through the sea at a great rate and seemed to visit every part of it. At length, when our abode become familiar to us, I took with me seven of my companions and advanced into the wood in order to see everything I could possibly. We had not gone above five stadia before we met with a temple dedicated to Neptune, as we learned by the inscription on it, and a little farther on several sepulchres, monumental stones, and a fountain of clear water. We heard the barking of a dog, and seeing smoke at some distance from us concluded there must be some habitation not far off. We got on as fast as we could, and saw an old man and a boy very busy in cultivating a little garden and watering it from a fountain. We were both pleased and terrified at the sight, and they, as you may suppose, on their part not less affected, stood fixed in astonishment and could not speak. After some time, however, who are you, said the old man, and whence come ye? Are you demons of the sea, or unfortunate men like ourselves? For such we are, born and bred on land, though now inhabitants of another element, swimming along with this great creature who carries us about with him, not knowing what is to become of us, or whether we are alive or dead. To which I replied, We, father, are men as you are, and but just arrived here, being swallowed up together with our ship, but three days ago we came this way to see what the wood produced, for it seemed large and full of trees. Some good genius led us toward you, and we have the happiness to find we are not the only poor creatures shut up in this great monster, but give us an account of your adventures, let us know who you are and how you came here. He would not, however, tell us anything himself or ask us any questions till he had performed the rights of hospitality. He took us into his house, therefore, where he had got beds, and made everything very commodious. Here he presented us with herbs, fruit, fish, and wine, and when we were satisfied began to inquire into our history. When I acquainted him with everything that had happened to us, the storm we met with, our adventures in the island, our sailing through the air, the war, and so on, from our first setting out, even to our descent into the whale's belly, he expressed his astonishment at what had befallen us, and then told us his own story which was as follows. Strangers, said he, I am a Cyprian by birth, and left my country to merchandise with this youth, who is my son, and several servants. We sailed to Italy with goods of various kinds, some of which you may perhaps have seen in the mouth of the whale. We came as far as Sicily with a prosperous gale, when a violent tempest arose, and we were tossed about in the ocean for three days, where we were swallowed up, men, ship, and all by the whale, only we two remaining alive. After burying our companions we built a temple to Neptune, and here we have lived ever since, cultivating our little garden, raising herbs and eating fish and fruit. The wood, as you see, is very large and produces many vines, from which we have excellent wine, there is likewise a fountain, which perhaps you have observed, of fresh and very cold water. We make our bed of leaves, have fuels sufficient, and catch a great many birds and live fish. Getting out upon the gills of the whale, there we wash ourselves when we please. There is a salt lake about twenty stadia round, which produces fish of all kinds, and where we row about in a little boat which we built on purpose. It is now seven and twenty years since we were swallowed up. Everything here indeed is very tolerable except our neighbors, who are disagreeable, troublesome, savage, and unsociable. And there are more, replied I, besides ourselves in the whale. A great many, said he, and those very unhospitable and of a most horrible appearance, towards the tail on the western parts of the wood lived the Terricanese, a people with eel's eyes and faces like crabs, bold warlike, and that live upon raw flesh. On the other side, at the right-hand wall, are the Tritonomin deities, in their upper parts, men, and in the lower resembling weasels. On the left are Carcinokiris and the Thinoselphia, who have entered into a league offensive and defensive with each other. The middle part is occupied by the Pogurata and the Cidopides, a warlike nation and remarkably swift-footed. The eastern parts near the whale's mouth, being washed by the sea, are most of them uninhabited. I have some of these, however, on condition of paying an annual tribute to Cidopides of five hundred oysters. Such is the situation of this country. Our difficulty is how to oppose so many people and find sustenance for ourselves. How many may there be, said I? More than a thousand, said he. And what are their arms? Nothing, replied he, but fish-bones. Then, said I, we had best go to war with them, for we have arms and they none. If we conquer them we shall live without fear for the future. This was immediately agreed upon, and as soon as we returned to our ship we began to prepare. The cause of the war was to be the non-payment of the tribute, which was just now becoming due. They sent to demand it. We returned a contemptuous answer to the messengers. The Cidopides and Poggurata were both highly enraged, and immediately fell upon Synthras, for that was the old man's name, in a most violent manner. We, expecting to be attacked, sent out a detachment of five and twenty men, with orders to like and seal till the enemy was passed, and then to rise upon them, which they did, and cut off their rear. We, in the meantime, being likewise five and twenty in number, with the old man and his son, waited there coming up, met and engaged them with no little danger, till at length they fled, and we pursued them even into their trenches. Of the enemy there fell in hundred and twenty. We lost only one, our pilot, who was run through by the rib of a mullet. That day and the night after it we remained on the field of battle, and erected the dried backbone of a dolphin as a trophy. Next day some other forces, who had heard of the engagement, arrived, and made head against us. The Torricanese under the command of Palamas in the right wing, the Thenocephaly on the left, and the Carcinel Curies in the middle. The Tritonomen deities remained neutral, not choosing to assist either party. We came round upon all the rest by the Temple of Neptune, and with a hideous cry rushed upon them. As they were unarmed we soon put them to flight, pursued them into the wood, and took possession of their territory. They sent ambassadors a little while after to take away their dead and propose terms of peace. But we would hear of no treaty, and attacking them the next day obtained a complete victory, and cut them all off except Tritonomen deities, who informed of what had passed, ran away up to the Whales' gills, and from thence threw themselves into the sea. The country being now cleared of all enemies, we rambled through it, and from that time remained without fear, used what exercise we pleased. When a hunting pruned our vines, gathered our fruit, and lived in short in every respect like men put together in a large prison which there was no escaping from, but where they enjoy everything they can wish for in ease and freedom, such was our way of life for a year and eight months. On the fifteenth day of the ninth month, about the second opening of the Whales' mouth, for this he did once every hour, and by that we calculated our time, we were surprised by a sudden noise, like the clash of oars, being greatly alarmed we crept up into the Whales' mouth, where standing between his teeth we beheld one of the most astonishing spectacles that was ever seen, men of an immense size, each of them not less than half a stadium in length sailing on islands like boats. I know what I am saying is incredible, I shall proceed not withstanding. These islands were long, but not very high, and about a hundred stadia in circumference. There were about eight and twenty of these men in each of them, besides the roars on the sides, who rode with large cypresses, with their branches and leaves on. In the stern stood a pilot raised on an eminence and guiding a brazen helm. On the forecastle were forty immense creatures resembling men, except in their hair, which was all a flame of fire, so that they had no occasion for helmets. These were armed and fought most furiously. The wind rushing in upon the wood, which was in every one of them, swelled it like a sail, and drove them on according to the pilot's direction. And thus like so many long ships, the islands by the assistance of the oars also moved with great velocity. At first we saw only two or three, but afterwards there appeared above six hundred of them, which immediately engaged. Many were knocked to pieces by running against each other, and many sunk. Others were wedged in close together and not able to get asunder fought desperately. Those who were near the prowl showed the greatest alacrity, boarding each other's ships and making terrible havoc. None, however, were taken prisoners. For grappling irons they made use of large sharks chained together, who laid hold of the wood and kept the island from moving. They threw oysters at one another, one of which would have filled a wagon and sponges of an acre long. Iliocentaurus was admiral of one of the fleets and Thalassopates of the other. They had quarreled, it seems, about some booty. Thalassopates, as it was reported, having driven away a large number of dolphins, belonged to Iliocentaurus, this we picked up from their own discourse, when we heard them mention the names of their commanders. At length the forces of Iliocentaurus prevailed, and sunk about a hundred and fifty of the islands of the enemy, and taking three more with the men in them. The rest took to their oars and fled. The conquerors pursued them a little way, and in the evening returned to the wreck, seizing the remainder of the enemy's vessels and getting back some of their own, for they had themselves lost no less than four score islands in the engagement. They erected a trophy for this victory, hanging one of the conquered islands on the head of the whale, which they fastened their hozzers to, and casting anchor close to him, for they had anchors immensely large and strong, spent the night there. In the morning, after they had returned thanks and sacrificed on the back of the whale, they buried their dead, sunk their Eopeons, and sailed off. Such was the battle of the islands. All Librabox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Librabox.org. Recording by Ralph Snelson. Trips to the Moon by Lucian of Samosita. Translated by Thomas Franklin. Section 5. The True History. Book 2. From this time our abode in the whale growing rather tedious and disagreeable, not able to bear it any longer, I began to think within myself how we might make our escape.  But after getting through about five stadia, and finding it was to no purpose, we left off digging, and determined to set fire to the wood, which we imagined would destroy the whale and secure us a safe retreat. We began, therefore, by burning the parts near his tail. For seven days and nights he never felt the heat, but on the eighth we perceived he grew sick, for he opened his mouth very seldom, and when he did, shattered again immediately. On the tenth and the eleventh he declined visibly, and began to stink a little. On the twelfth it occurred to us which we had never thought of before, that unless whilst he was gaping somebody could prop up his jaws to prevent his closing them we were in danger of being shut up in the carcass and perishing there. We placed some large beams, therefore in his mouth, got our ship ready and took in water and everything necessary. Syntharis was to be our pilot. The next day the whale died. We drew our vessel through the interstices of his teeth and littered down from vents into the sea. Then getting on the whale's back sacrificed to Neptune near the spot where the trophy was erected. Here we stayed three days, it being a dead calm, and on the fourth set sail. We struck upon several bodies of the giants that had been slain in the sea fight and measured them with the greatest astonishment. For some days we had very mild and temperate weather, but the north wind arising it grew so extremely cold that the whole sea was froze up, not on the surface only, but three or four hundred feet deep so that we got out and walked on the ice. The frost being so intense that we could not bear it we put in practice the following scheme which Syntharis put us in the head of. We dug a cave in the ice where we remained for 30 days lighting a fire and living upon the fish which we found in it, but our provisions failing we were obliged to loosen our ship which was stuck fast in and hoisting a sail slid along through the ice with an easy pleasant motion. On the fifth day from that time it grew warm, the ice broke and it was all water again. After sailing about three hundred stadia we fell in upon a little deserted island. Here we took in water where ours was almost gone, killed with our arrows two wild oxen and departed. These oxen had horns not on their heads but as momas seemed to wish under their eyes. A little beyond this we got into a sea not of water but of milk, and upon it we saw an island full of vines. This whole island was one compact, well made cheese as we afterwards experienced by many a good meal which we made upon it and is in length five and twenty stadia. The vines have grapes upon them which yield not wine but milk. In the middle of the island was a temple to the Nereid Galatia as appeared by an inscription on it. As long as we stayed there the land afforded us vittles to eat and the vines supplied us with milk to drink. Tyro the daughter of Salmonius we were told was queen of it, Neptune having after her death conferred that dignity upon her. We stopped five days on this island and on the sixth set sail with a small breeze which gently agitated the waves and on the eighth changed our milky sea for a green and briny one where we saw a great number of men running backwards and forwards resembling ourselves in every part except the feet which were all of cork, whence I suppose they are called Philopodes. We were surprised to see them not sinking but rising high above the waves and making their way without the least fear or apprehension. They came up to and addressed us in the Greek tongue telling us they were going to fellow their native country. They accompanied us a good way and then taking their leave wished us a good voyage. A little after we saw several islands amongst which to the left of us stood fellow to which these men were going, a city built in the middle of a large round cork. Towards the right hand and at a considerable distance were many others very large and high on which we saw a prodigious large fire. Fronting the prow of our ship we had a view of one very broad and flat and which seemed to be about five hundred stadia off. As we approached near to it a sweet and bold-diferous air came round us such as Herodotus tells us blows from Arabia Felix, from the Rose, the Narcissus, the Hyacinth, the Lily, the Violet, the Myrtle, the Laurel and the Vine. Refreshed with these delightful orders and in hopes of being at last rewarded for our long sufferings we came close up to the island. Here we beheld several safe and spacious harbors with clear transparent rivers rolling into the sea, meadows, woods and birds of all kinds chanting melodiously on the shore, and on the trees the soft and sweet air fanning the branches on every side which sent for the soft harmonious sound like the playing on a flute. At the same time we heard a noise, not a riot or tumult, but a kind of joyful and convivial sound as of some playing on the flute or harp, with others joining in the chorus and applauding them. We cast anchor and landed, leaving our ship in the harbour with Syntharis and two more of our companions. As we were walking through a meadow full of flowers we met the guardians of the Isle, who immediately chaining us with manacles of roses, for these are their only fetters, conducted us to their king. From these we learned on our journey that this place was called the Island of the Blessed, and was governed by Radamanthus. We were carried before him, and he was sitting that day as judge to try some causes. Ours was the fourth in order. The first was that of Ejag's Telemonius, to determine whether he was to rank with the heroes or not. The accusation ran that he was mad and had made an end of himself. Much was said on both sides. At length Radamanthus pronounced that he should be consigned to the care of Hippocrates and go through a course of Hellebore, after which he might be admitted to the Symposium. The second was a love affair, to decide whether Theseus or Menelaus should possess Helen in these regions, and the decree of Radamanthus was that she should live with Menelaus, who had undergone so many difficulties and dangers for her. Besides that, Theseus had many other women, the Amazonian lady and the daughters of Minus. The third cause was a point of precedency between Alexander the son of Philip and Hannibal the Carthaginian, which was given in favor of Alexander, who was placed on a throne next to the elder Cyrus, the Persian. Our cause came on the last. The king asked us how we dared to enter, alone as we were into that sacred abode. We told him everything that had happened. He commanded us to retire, and consulted with the assessors concerning us. There were many in council with him, and amongst them Aristides, the Just Athenian, and pursuant to his opinion it was determined that we should suffer the punishment of our bold curiosity after our deaths, but at present might remain in the island for a certain limited time, associate with the heroes, and then depart. This indulgence was not to exceed seven months. At this instant our change, if so they might be called, dropped off, and we were left at liberty to range over the city and to partake of the Feast of the Blessed. The whole city was of gold and the walls of emerald. The seven gates were all made out of one trunk of the cinnamon tree. The pavement within the walls of ivory, the temples of the gods were a barrel, and the great altars on which they offered the hecatombs all of one large amethyst. Round the city flowed a river of the most precious ointment, a hundred cubits in breadth, and deep enough to swim in. The baths were large houses of glass perfumed with cinnamon, and instead of water filled with warm dew. For clothes they wore spider webs, very fine, and of a purple color. They have no bodies, but only the appearance of them, insensible to the touch and without flesh, yet they stand, taste, move, and speak. Their souls seemed to be naked and separated from them, with only the external similitude of a body, and unless you attempt to touch you can scarce believe but they have one. They are a kind of upright shadows, only not black. In this place nobody ever grows old. At whatever age they enter here, at that they always remain. They have no night, no bright day, but a perpetual twilight. One equal season rains throughout the year. It is always spring with them, and no wind blows but zephyrus. The whole region abounds in sweet flowers and shrubs of every kind. Their vines bear twelve times in the year, yielding fruit every month. Their apples, pomegranates, and the rest of our autumnal produce, thirteen times bearing twice in the month of minus. Instead of corn the fields bring forth loaves of ready-made bread, like mushrooms. There are three hundred and sixty-five fountains of water round the city, as many of honey, five hundred rather smaller of sweet-scented oil, besides seven rivers of milk and eight of wine. Their symposia are held in a place without the city, which they call the Elysian Field. This is a most beautiful meadow, skirted by a large and thick wood, affording an agreeable shade to the guests, who repose on couches of flowers. The winds attend upon and bring them everything necessary except wine, which is otherwise provided, for there are large trees on every side made of the finest glass, the fruit of which are cups of various shapes and sizes. Whoever comes to the entertainment gathers one or more of these cups, which immediately becomes full of wine, and so they drink of it, whilst the nightingales and other birds of song, with their bills, peck the flowers out of the neighboring fields, and drop them on their heads. Thus they are crowned with perpetual garlands. Their manner of perfuming them is this.  At supper they have music also, and singing particularly the verses of Homer, who is himself generally at the feast, and sits next above Ulysses, with a chorus of youths and virgins. He is led and accompanied by Eunomus the Locrian, Arian of Lesbos, and Nacrian, and Stestychorus, whom I saw there along with them, and who at length is reconciled to Helen. When they have finished their songs, another chorus begins of swans, swallows, and nightingales, and to these succeeds the sweet rustling of the zeffers that whistle through the woods and close the concert. What most contributes to their happiness is that near the symposium are two fountains, the one of milk, the other of pleasure. From the first they drink at the beginning of the feast. There is nothing afterwards but joy and festivity. I will now tell you what men of renown I met there. And first there were all the demigods, and all the heroes that fought at Troy, except Ajax the Locrian, who alone, it seems, was condemned to suffer for his crimes in the habitations of the wicked. Then there were the barbarians, both the Cyrus's, Anacarsus the Synthian, Somoxus of Thrace, and Numa the Italian. Besides these I met with Lycurgus the Spartan, Phocian, and Telus of Athens, and all the wise men except Piriander. I saw also Socrates, the son of Sofraniscus, preting with Nestor and Palamedes. Near him were Hyacinthus of Sparta, Narcissus the Thespian, Hylas, and several other beauties. He seemed very fond of Hyacinthus. Some things were laid to his charge. It was even reported that Radimontus was very angry with him, and threatened to turn him out of the island if he continued to play the fool, and would not leave off his irony and sarcasm. Of all the philosophers Plato alone was not to be found there. But it seems he lived in a republic of his own building, and which was governed by laws framed by himself. Aristipus and Epicurus were in the highest esteem here, as the most polite, benevolent, and convivial of man. Even Esop the Phrygian was here, whom they made Yusof by way of buffoon. Diogenes of Sinope had so wonderfully changed his manners in this place that he married Leus, the harlot, danced and sang, got drunk, and played at thousand freaks. Not one stoic did I see amongst them. They, it seems, were not yet got up to the top of the hill of Virtue, and as to Aristipus we were told that he was not to enter the island till he had taken a fourth dose of Hilliboré. The academicians, we heard, were very desirous of coming here, but they stood doubting and deliberating about it.  Perhaps they were afraid of Radamanthus's judgment on them, as decisive judgments are what they would never allow. Many of them, it is reported, who were coming to the island, but being too lazy to proceed, turned back when they were got half way. Such were the principal persons whom I met with here. Achilles is had in the greatest honour among them, and next to him Thesias. Two or three days after my arrival I met with the poet Homer, and both of us, being quite at leisure, asked him several questions, and amongst the rest where he was born, that, as I informed him, having been long a matter of dispute among us. We were very ignorant indeed, he said, for some had made him Chion, others a native of Smyrna, others of Colophon, but that after all he was a Babylonian, and amongst them was called to Granus, though after being a hostage in Greece they had changed his name to Homer. I then asked him about those of his verses which were rejected as spurious, and whether they were his or not. He said they were all his own, which made me laugh at the nonsense of Xenodotus and Aristarchus the Grammarians. I then asked him how he came to begin his Iliad with the wrath of Achilles. He said it was all by chance. I desired likewise to know whether, as it was generally reported, he wrote the Odyssey before the Iliad. He said so. It is commonly said he was blind, but I soon found he was not so, for he made use of his eyes and looked at me so that I had no reason to ask him that question. Whenever I found him disengaged I took the opportunity of conversing with him, and he very readily entered into discourse with me, especially after the victory which he obtained over Thursities, who had accused him of turning him into ridicule in some of these verses. The cause was heard before Radamanthus, and Homer came off victorious. Ulysses pleaded for him. I met also Pythagoras the Sammion, who arrived in these regions after his soul had gone a long round in the bodies of several animals, having been chained seven times. All his right side was of gold, and there was some dispute whether he should be called Pythagoras or Euphorbis. Empedocles came likewise, who looked sodden and roasted all over. He desired admittance, but though he begged hard for it, was rejected. A little time after, the games came on which they call here Thanatusia. Achilles presided for the fifth time, and Theseus for the seventh. A narrative of the whole would be tedious. I shall only, therefore, recount a few of the principal circumstances in the wrestling match. Charis, a descendant of Hercules, conquered Ulysses at the boxing match. Arius, the Egyptian who was buried at Corinth, and Epeus contended, but neither got the victory. The pancrecia was not proposed amongst them. In the race I do not remember who had the superiority. In poetry Homer was far beyond them all. Hesiod, however, got a prize. The reward to all was a garland of peacock's feathers. When the games were over, word was brought that the prisoners in Tartarus had broken loose, overcome the guard, and were proceeding to take possession of the island under the command of Thalaris, the Agrigen team, Buceras of Egypt, Diomedes, the Thracian, Siren, and Pideocampides. As soon as Radimathus heard of it, he dispatched the heroes to the shore, conducted by Thesius, Achilles, and Ajax Telemonius, who was now returned to his senses. A battle ensued wherein the heroes were victorious, owing principally to the valor of Achilles. Socrates, who was placed in the right wing, behaved much better than he had done at Dalius in his lifetime, for when the enemy approached he never fled, nor so much as turned his face about. He had a very extraordinary present made him as the reward of his courage, no less than a fine, spacious garden near the city. Here he summoned his friends and disputed, calling the place by the name of the Academy of the Dead. They then bound the prisoners and sent them back to Tartarus to suffer double punishment. Homer wrote an account of this battle, and gave it to me to show to our people when I went back. But I lost it afterwards, together with a great many other things. It began thus, sing, muse, the battles of the heroes dead. The campaign thus happily finished. They made an entertainment to celebrate the victory, which, as is usual amongst them, was a bean feast. Pythagoras alone absented himself on that day, and fasted, holding in abomination the wicked custom of eating beans. Six months had now elapsed when a new and extraordinary affair happened. Sinaris, the son of Sintaris, a tall, well-made handsome muse, fell in love with Helen, and she no less desperately with him. They were often nodding and drinking to one another at the public feast, and would frequently rise up and walk out together alone into the wood. The violence of his passion joined to the impossibility of possessing her any other way, but Sinaris on the resolution of running away with her. She imagined that they might easily get off to some of the adjacent islands, either to Phyllis or Tyroessa. He selected three of the bravest of our crew to accompany them, never mentioning the design to his father, who he knew would never consent to it, but the first favorable opportunity put it in execution, and one night when I was not with them, for it happened that I stayed late at the feast and slept there, carried her off. Menelaus, rising in the middle of the night, and perceiving that his wife was gone, made a dreadful noise about it, and taking his brother along with him proceeded immediately to the king's palace. At break of day the guards informed him that they had seen a vessel a good distance from land. He immediately put fifty heroes on a ship made out of one large piece of the asphodelis, with orders to pursue them. They made all the sail they possibly could, and about noon came up with and seized on them, just as they were entering into the milky sea, close to Tyroessa, so near were they to making their escape. The pursuers threw a rosy chain over the vessel and brought her home again. Helen began to weep, blushed and hid her face. Radamanthus asked Hinerists and the rest of them if they had any more accomplices. They told him they had none. He then ordered them to be chained, whipped with mallows, and sent to Tartarus. It was now determined that we should stay no longer on the island than the time limited, and the very next day was fixed for our departure. This gave me no little concern, and I wept to think I must leave so many good things, and be once more a wanderer. They endeavored to administer consolation to me by assuring me that in a few years I should return to them again. They even pointed out the seat that should be allotted to me, and which was near the best and worthiest inhabitants of these delightful mansions. I addressed myself to Radamanthus, and humbly entreated him to inform me of my future fate, and let me know beforehand whether I should travel. He told me that after many toils and dangers I should at last return in safety to my native country, but would not point out the time when. He then showed me the neighboring islands, five of which appeared near to me, and a sixth at a distance. Those next to you, said he, where you see a great fire burning, are the habitations of the wicked. The sixth is the city of dreams behind that lies the island of Calypso, which you cannot see yet. When you get beyond these you will come to a large tract of land inhabited by those who live on the side of the earth directly opposite to you. There you will suffer many things, wander through several nations, and meet with some very savage and unsociable people, and at length get into another region. Having said thus he took a route of malo out of the earth, and putting it into my hand bade me remember, when I was in any danger, to call upon that, and added, moreover, that if when I came to the antipodes I took care never to stir the fire with a sword and never to eat lupins, I might have hopes of returning to the island of the blessed. I then got everything ready for the voyage, supped with them, and took my leave of them. Next day, meeting Homer, I begged him to make me a couple of verses for an inscription which he did, and I fixed them on a little column of barrel at the mouth of the harbor. The inscription was as follows, Dear to the gods and favorite of heaven, here Lucian lived, to him alone was given, well pleased these happy regions to explore, and back returning seek his native shore. I stayed that day, and the next set sail, the heroes attending, to take their leave of us. When Ulysses, unknown to Penelope, slipped a letter into my hand for Calypso at the island of Ogidia, Radamanthus was so obliging as to send with us, Noplius the pilot, that if we stopped at the neighboring islands and they should lay hold on us, he might acquaint them that we were only on our passage to another place. As soon as we got out of the sweet scented air, we came into another that smelled of asphaltus, pitch, and sulfur burning together with a most intolerable stench, as of burn carcasses. The whole element above us was dark and dismal, distilling a kind of pitchy dew upon our heads. We heard the sound of stripes and the yellings of men in torment. We saw but one of these islands, that which we landed on I will give you some description of. Every part of it was steep and filthy, abounding in rocks and rough mountains. We crept along over precipices full of thorns and briars, and passing through a most horrid country came to the dungeon and place of punishment, which we beheld with an admiration full of horror. The ground was strewed with swords and prongs, and close to us were three rivers, one of mire, another of blood, and another of fire, immense and impassable, that flowed in torrents and rolled like waves in the sea. It had many fish in it, some like torches, others resembling live coals, which they called Lichnessi. There is but one entrance into the three rivers, and at the mouth of them stood as porter Tyman of Athens. By the assistance, however, of our guide Noplius, we proceeded and saw several punished, as well kings as private persons, and amongst these some of our old acquaintance. We saw Sinaris, hung up, and roasting there. Our guides gave us the history of several of them, and told us what they were punished for. Those we observed suffered most severely who in their lifetimes had told lies, or written what was not true, amongst whom were Tessius, the Snidian, Herodotus, and many others. When I saw these I began to conceive good hopes of thereafter, as I am not conscious of ever having told a story. Not able to bear any longer such melancholy spectacles we took our leave of Noplius and returned to our ship. In a short time after we had a view but confused and indistinct of the island of dreams, which itself was not unlike a dream, for as we approached towards it it seemed as it were to retire and fly from us. At last, however, we got up to it and entered the harbour, which is called Hippness, near the Ivory Gates, where there is a harbour dedicated to the caulk. We landed late in the evening and saw several dreams of various kinds. I propose, however, at present to give you an account of the place itself, which nobody has ever written about except Homer, whose description is very imperfect. The island is a very thick wood. The trees are all tall poppies, or mandrigora, in which are a great number of bats, for these are the only birds they have here. There is likewise a river which they call Nictiparis, and round the gate two fountains. The name of one is Negretos, and of the other, Penicchia. The city has a high wall, of all the colours of the rainbow. It has not two gates, as Homer tells us, but four, two of which look upon the plain of indolence, one made of iron, the other a brick. Through these are said to pass all the dreams that are frightful, bloody, and melancholy. The other two fronting the sea and harbour, one of the horn, the other which we came through a vivory. On the right hand, as you enter the city, is the Temple of Night, who, together with the caulk, is the principal object of worship amongst them. This is near the harbour, on the left is the Palace of Somnus, for he is their sovereign, and under him are two viceroys, Teraxian, a son of Mataogenes, and Pluticles, the son of Phantasian. In the middle of the market place stands a fountain, which they call Caryotus, and two temples of truth and falsehood. There is an oracle here at which Antiphan presides as high priest. He is inventor of the dreams, an honourable employment which Somnus bestowed upon him. The dreams themselves are of different kinds, some long, beautiful and pleasant, others little and ugly. There are likewise some golden ones, others poor and mean, some winged, and of an immense size. Others tricked out, as it were, for pumps and ceremonies, for gods and kings. Some we met with that we had seen at home. These came up to and saluted us as their old acquaintance, whilst others, putting us first to sleep, treated us most magnificently, and promised that they would make us kings and noblemen. Some carried us into our own country, showed us our friends and relations, and brought us back again the same day. Thirty days and nights we remained in this place, being most luxuriously feasted, and fast asleep all the time, when we were suddenly awake by a violent clap of thunder and immediately ran to our ship, put in our stores, and set sail. In three days we reached the island of Ogigia. Before we landed I broke open the letter and read the contents which were as follows. Ulysses to Calypso. This comes to inform you that after my departure from your coasts in the vessel which you were so kind as to provide me with, I was shipwrecked and saved with the greatest difficulty by Leucothia, who conveyed me to the country of the Fassians, and from thence I got home, where I found a number of suitors about my wife, reveling there at my expense. I destroyed every one of them, and was afterwards slain myself by a Telejonas, a son whom I had by Cersei. I still lament the pleasures which I find at Ogigia, and the immortality which you promised me. If I can ever find an opportunity, I will certainly make my escape from hence and come to you. This was the whole of the epistle except that at the end of it he recommended us to her protection. On our landing, at a little distance from the sea, I found the cave as described by Homer, and in it Calypso, spinning. She took the letter, put it in the bosom, and wept. Then invited us to sit down and treated us magnificently. She then asked us several questions about Ulysses, and inquired whether Penelope was handsome and as chaste as Ulysses had reported her to be. We answered her in such a manner as we thought would please her best, and then returning to our ship slept on board close to the shore. In the morning a brisk gale springing up we set sail. For two days we were tossed about in a storm. The third drove us on the pirates of Colosynthus. These are a kind of savages from the neighboring islands who commit depredations on all that sail that way. They have large ships made out of gourds, six cubits long. When the fruit is dry they hollow and work it into this shape using reeds for mass, and making their sails out of the leaves of the plant. They joined the crews of two ships and attacked us, wounding many of us with cucumber seeds which they threw instead of stones. After fighting some time without any material advantage on either side, about noon we saw just behind them some of the Kerionata whom we found be avowed enemies to the Colosynthites, who on their coming up immediately quitted us and fell upon them. We hoisted our sail and got off, leaving them to fight it out by themselves. The Kerionata were most probably the conquerors as they were more in number, for they had five ships which besides were stronger and better built than those of the enemy, being made of the shells of nuts cut in two and hollowed, every half nut being fifty paces long. As soon as we got out of their sight we took care of our wounded men and from that time were obliged to be always armed and prepared in case of a sudden attack. We had too much reason to fear, for scarce was the sun set when we saw about twenty men from a desert island advancing towards us, each on the back of a large dolphin. These were pirates also. The dolphins carried them very safely and seemed pleased with their burden, neighing like horses. When they came up they stood at a little distance and threw dried cuttlefish and crabs eyes at us, but we in return attacking them with our darts and arrows many of them were wounded and unable to stand it any longer they retreated to the island. In the middle of the night the sea being quite calm we unfortunately struck upon a Halcyon's nest of an immense size being about sixty stadia in circumference. The Halcyon was sitting upon it and was herself not much less. As she flew off she was very near oversetting our ship with the wind of her wings and as she went made a most hideous groaning. As soon as it was day we took a view of the nest which was like a great ship and built of trees. In it were five hundred eggs, each of them longer than a hog's head of chaius. We could hear the young ones croaking within, so with a hatchet we broke one of the eggs and took the chicken out unfledged. It was bigger than twenty vultures put together. When we were got about two hundred stadia from the nest we met with some surprising prodigies. A caniscus came and sitting on the prow of our ship clapped his wings and made a noise. Our pilot Syntharis had been bald for many years when on a sudden his hair came again. But what was still more wonderful, the mast of our ship sprouted out, sent forth several branches, and bore fruit at the top of it, large figs and grapes, not quite ripe. We were greatly astonished, as you may suppose, and prayed most devoutly to the gods to avert the evil which was portended. We had not gone above five hundred stadia farther before we saw an immensely large and thick wood of pines and cypresses. We took it for attractive land, but it was all a deep sea, planted with trees that had no root, which stood, however, unmoved, upright, and, as it were, swimming in it. Approaching near to it we began to consider what we could do best. There was no sailing between the trees which were close together, nor did we know how to get back. I got upon one of the highest of them to see how far they reached, and perceived that they continued for about fifty stadia or more, and beyond that it was all sea again. We resolved therefore to drag the ship up to the top boughs, which were very thick, and so convey it along, which by fixing a great rope to it, with no little toil and difficulty, we performed. Got it up, spread our sails, and were driven on by the wind. It put me in mind of that verse of Antimachus, the poet, where he says, The ship sailed smoothly through the silvan sea. We at length got over the wood, and, letting our ship down in the same manner, fell into smooth, clear water, till we came to a horrid precipice, hollow and deep, resembling the cavity made by an earthquake. We furled our sails, or should soon have been swallowed up in it. Stooping forward and looking down we beheld a gulf of at least a thousand stadia deep, a most dreadful and amazing sight, for the sea, as it were, was split in two. Looking towards our right hand, however, we saw a small bridge of water that joined the two seas, and flowed from one into the other. We got the ship in here, and with great labour rode her over, which we never expected. From thence we passed into a smooth and calm sea, wherein was a small island, with a good landing-place, and which was inhabited by the Bucephaly, a savage race of men with bulls' heads and horns, as they paint the Minotaur. As soon as we got on shore we went in search of water and provision, for we had none left, water we found soon, but nothing else. We heard, indeed, a kind of loing at a distance, and expected to find a herd of oxen. But advancing a little further perceived that it came from the men. As soon as they saw us they ran after and took two of our companions. The rest of us got back to the ship as fast as we could. We then got our arms and determined to revenge our friends, attack them as they were dividing the flesh of our poor companions. They were soon thrown into confusion, and totally routed. We slew about fifty of them and took two prisoners whom we returned with. All this time we could get no provision. Some were for putting the captives to death, but not approving of this I kept them bound till the enemy should send ambassadors to redeem them, which they did, for we soon heard them loing in a melancholy tone, and most humbly beseeching us to release their friends. The ransom agreed on was a quantity of cheeses, dried fish, and onions, together with four stags, each having three feet, two behind, and one before. In consideration of this we released the prisoners, stayed one day there, and set sail. We soon observed the fish swimming and the birds flying round about us, with other signs of our being nearer the land, and in a very little time after saw some men in the sea who made use of a very uncommon method of sailing, being themselves both ships and passengers. I will tell you how they did it. They laid themselves all along in the water, they fastened to their middle of sail, and holding the lower part of the rope in their hands were carried along by the wind. Others we saw sitting on large castes, driving two dolphins who were yoke together, and drew the carriage after them. These did not run away from nor attempt to do us any injury, but rode around about us without fear, observing our vessel with great attention, and seeming greatly astonished at it. It was now almost dark when we came inside of a small island inhabited by women, as we imagined, for such they appeared to us, being all young and handsome, with long garments reaching to their feet. The island was called Cabalusa, and the city Hydemardia. I stopped a little, for my mind misgave me, and looking round saw several bones and skulls of men on the ground. To make a noise, call my companions together, and take up arms, my thought would be imprudent. I pulled out my mallow, therefore, and prayed most debauntly that I might escape the present evil.  Upon this I drew my sword, seized on, and bound her, and insisted on her telling me the truth with regard to everything about them. She informed me, much against her will, that she and the rest of the inhabitants were women belonging to the sea, that they were called Honus Ilius, and that they lived upon travelers who came that way. We make them drunk, said she, and when they are asleep make an end of them. As soon as she had told me this I left her bound there, and getting upon the house called out to my companions, brought them together, showed them the bones, and led them into her, when on a sudden she dissolved away into water and disappeared. I dipped my sword into it by way of experiment, and the water turned into blood. We proceeded immediately to our vessel and departed. At break of day we had a view of that continent which we supposed lies directly opposite to our own. Here after performing our religious rites and putting up our prayers we consulted together about what was to be done next. Some were of opinion that after making a little descent on the coast we should turn back again. Others were for leaving the ship there and marching up into the heart of the country to explore the inhabitants. Whilst we were thus disputing, a violent storm arose, and driving our ship towards the land splittered in pieces. We picked up our arms and what little things we could lay hold on and with difficulty swam ashore. Such were the adventures which befell us during our voyage at sea, in the islands, in the air, in the whale, amongst the heroes, in the land of dreams, and lastly amongst the Bucephaly, and the Onesilia. What we met with on the other side of the world shall be related in the ensuing books.


I have instructed our negotiators in Geneva at the Nuclear and Space Talks to present a new United States proposal designed to advance the prospects for achieving real reductions in nuclear arms, enhancing stability, and addressing the legitimate concerns of the United States and our allies as well as of the Soviet Union. I have also asked our negotiators to seek Soviet agreement to extend this round of the negotiations into next week so that our negotiating team can make a full presentation of our proposal and have a real give-and-take with the Soviets on its details. Finally, I have written to the leaders of allied nations and have transmitted a personal letter to General Secretary Gorbachev on this subject. Secretary has shown that progress is more surely made through confidential negotiations, therefore I am not going into any details about our proposal. Suffice to say that our proposal is serious, it is detailed, and it addresses all three areas of the negotiations. It builds upon the very concrete reductions proposals which our negotiators had tabled earlier as well as the Soviet counter-proposal. The Soviet counter-proposal was first presented to me by Foreign Minister Shevonadze at our White House meeting in September, following which it was tabled at Geneva by the Soviet negotiators. Since that time, our arms control experts have analyzed the Soviet counter-proposal extremely carefully. This analysis now completed. I have met with my senior advisers, decided on our response, and have instructed our negotiators to make this move. During our careful review, we measured the Soviet counter-proposal against our concrete proposals for deep, equitable, and verifiable reductions, which we already had on the table, and against the criteria which we have long held for attaining effective arms control agreements. We have made clear that measured against these criteria, the Soviet counter-proposal unfortunately fell significantly short in several key areas. At the same time, as I indicated in my address to the United Nations General Assembly last week, the counter-proposal also had certain positive seeds which we wished to nurture. Our new proposal builds upon these positive elements and calls for very significant balanced reductions of comparable nuclear systems, particularly those that are the most destabilizing. It's my hope that our new proposal will enable both of our nations to start moving away from ever-larger arsenals of offensive forces. At the same time, we seek in Geneva to undertake with the Soviets a serious examination of the important relationship between offensive and defensive forces, and how people everywhere can benefit from exploring the potential of non-nuclear defenses which threaten no one. I'm pleased that we seem to have made a successful start on this long process. The Soviet response to our earlier proposals and the new proposal which we are making are important milestones in moving these negotiations forward. Additionally, I hope we can achieve progress in the other key areas of the broad agenda which Mr. Gorbachev and I will discuss in Geneva, human rights, regional issues, and bilateral matters. Strengthening the peace and building a more constructive, long-term U.S.-Soviet relationship requires that we move ahead in all of these areas. I believe progress is indeed possible if the Soviet leadership is willing to match our own commitment to a better relationship. Now, I'm going to leave here because I can't discuss the details or answer any questions on it since it will be introduced tomorrow, and then all of those things will be available. Just let me just sum up what I want to say is that I would characterize our arms control position as deep cuts, no first strike advantage, defensive research because defense is safer than offense, and no cheating. Do you think anything can be accomplished on arms control on this new counter proposal in time for a broad statement of principles at the Geneva summit? Well, now this is all I'm going to respond to and simply say because it touches on something I said here and explains. Since they were scheduled, the negotiations to recess, they will do that but hopefully a week late, naturally both sides are going to have to agree to that we're asking our people to extend it by a week, but it will give them time to table this and at least be able to see back and forth after all it isn't that deep a document, but the figures and where they are and then they will find the relationship between the counter proposal and our original proposal. No give on Star Wars, sir. No give on the Geneva summit, which was the question. In time for you and Mr. Grubitschow to actually announce something. No, I don't. They may say something about it, but you will have all the facts and figures on this. No give on Star Wars, Mr. President. No give on Star Wars, Mr. President. It was in my statement, I said that defense and I hope that we can arrive at a discussion of defense. Sir, would you like to send us all of the Star Wars?  Just a couple of days ago, you told the BBC interviewer that perhaps the hope was that the paranoia might be lessened. It sounds like you're more optimistic about actually coming out with something. I'm always optimistic, sir. Would you hope for concrete results, meaning some sort of broad framework, at least of principles? Well, I was answering. I think that some of you have misinterpreted the answer that I gave in that BBC interview. The question had been, what was my hope? What did I thought would come out and so forth? And I was simply putting in place that arms control is a result that first you've got to eliminate these suspicions and the paranoia between us and so forth, and then you find out that arms control can come easily. But to just simply dwell on arms control, if both of you are sitting there suspiciously saying, how can we keep an advantage? Each side saying the same thing to itself. Well then, it doesn't really matter how many missiles you've caught. He's always going to ask for regular summit meetings when he goes to Moscow. I can't speak for him on what's going to take him there. Will you be actually negotiating with Mr. Gorbachev when you meet with him, arms control negotiations? Yes, of course. That's one of the main features. You mean you'll be talking to him? Well, I think he'll be negotiating with Geneva, but I'm quite sure that they'll want to discuss this and why they've taken certain positions and so forth.


All right, good morning.  So thank you for still being present. I'll try to be extra entertaining. So my presentation is about social protection floor gaps and pandemic relief, a case for universalism. I decided to not go very much into the details of the paper, but more present sort of the debate that it links to more broadly. Talk a little bit about the findings and the data that I've been working with. So I will start at the reverse order. What did I find? That universal policies are more prominent when social protection gaps exist. With social protection floor gaps, I mean a specific measure that looks at the implementation of social protection floors in line with the ILO social protection floor recommendation 202 that has been ratified in 2012 by I think all of the 187 member states. And where there are sort of financing gaps in terms of achieving those social protection floors, you could see more universal approaches in the way that countries responded to the crisis. There are then of course also variations across high income countries and the rest of the world. What I mean there is like any country that is classified as non-high income. Overall, globally, using the database that I've been working with, you can see that the targeted responses are more dominant. I think for anyone who worked in social protection, that's not surprising. But the share of universal policies in crisis relief in lower is lower in high income countries, right? These countries are also those that have lower financing gaps. So the debate that it links to, I think is like something that Yucca also allotted to in a way, is the targeted versus universal debate. I think it has been around for a couple of decades. And of course there are like benefits to both, but also costs, I would say. I'm trying to summarize a few of those here. So when it comes to targeted, like of course we have an element of selectivity in that we kind of try and isolate the groups or like identify the groups that are most in need. It depends on sort of like the political foundation that is underpinning the way countries formulate their programs. It is also the dominant method, as I mentioned. It was also the dominant method in crisis relief. And it's been argued also that it's fiscally more feasible, right? If you think about, okay, we have a part of public funds. We want to give it to those most in need so it can be a bit more efficient than having broad-based welfare. That's also the counter argument towards more universal methods that are in a broad sense available to all. As Yucca mentioned, the most let's say radical example of that is the universal basic income or the universal provision of basic services. It can go from either direction. It seems to be a bit more contested and it hasn't really been implemented. It has been piloted in different spaces with different results. As shortcomings of the targeted, I think everyone is familiar with that in terms of inclusion and exclusion arrows. Also sometimes in terms of political support. I don't know in how far you're familiar with the literature that's more like from the element, like the perspective of social psychology and economics where sometimes, I mean in terms of from a voter perspective, you're more likely to support programs where you stand to benefit yourself. In terms of targeting this, also social costs and certain stick-mounted, colleagues of mine, former colleagues of mine at IDS have been working on. For the universal one, you could argue you have lower targeting costs, but I would say from what I've seen in recent studies, the way that it is assessed whether they are politically supported is a more broader understanding of fairness and how inequalities are justified or reasoned about in a country's context. And there are also first studies that look at whether it can be a tool for creating greater social cohesion. However, there are still a bit of mixed results, I would say, very interesting if you're looking at that in the post-crisis area as well. So why does this debate still matter or matters in terms of looking at crisis relief as has been mentioned many times, I think, and particularly in this panel, there was a very rapid expansion of social protection as a consequence of the pandemic. And there's also been that debate sort of that sparked in sort of looking at social protection sort of at the critical moment or seeing it a little bit at a crossroad, I would say. Certainly a moment for institutional learning to revisit some of the infrastructure that is in place, where are the gaps and what are the best ways forwards. I'm also talking about debates on creating adaptive systems. I think it's very much what the first presentation was trying to show also in terms of you have shifts in beneficiaries during the crisis, but also shifting needs at different times and often at a very ad hoc or unpredictable manner. So how can you adequately reflect that in the system to scale up or expand it accordingly? So I think the broader question that I would like to bring to the audience rather than giving a definite answer, I think it's an ongoing dialogue, is whether we should kind of walk towards ever more fine-tuned systems, learning for example from climate change, having early warning indicators and so forth, or whether we should go rather like in a different direction of saying possibly we'll never get it exactly right that we are able in these kind of very rapidly unfolding events that we always find those that are most in need and what their needs are, should we just have a broad-based kind of landscape of social protection provision in place. So a little bit about the data that I've been working with and there are certainly different databases that you can use, housed by different institutions. So the ones that I used was the COVID Stimulus Tracker which has been published by, I'm just gonna pronounce it as a written UNESCO, which is an acronym. So as you can see on the left side, I think it's a nice illustration that they capture a lot of countries and that you can see that it was truly a global response because all that blue areas had more than 10 policy measures. The green areas less than 10 and the red areas so less than five but nevertheless some policy measures, right? And the other, the pie chart that I'm including is just to highlight that it has also information on the specific beneficiaries. So this is on a bit more high-level basis. There's also variables that have it in more detail as I will show you here. So in order to classify all these policies that are captured in this database into universal versus targeted responses is a little bit of an arbitrary exercise I would say. In part also because there is a lot of policy innovation and gonna come back to this point a little bit later on. So I don't think this table there is very readable for you but I nevertheless included to show you have the first column which are policy measures that classify as universal in line with the definition that they reach every citizen based on a basic criterion. I think Yooka was saying that it's like sort of broadly categorical like universal pensions for example that go to any citizens of a certain age group, right? And then you have the column after that one which are the targeted measures and there you have like very some of the targeting that we have heard like proxy means tested and people with disabilities as was also in Miguel's presentation but then there were also indigenous people there were people who were formerly in prison or are in prison so it also perhaps a new way of setting up beneficiaries in this space of crisis relief, right? And there's a question of course of what we take forward from this. So overall also you can see that targeted dominates as I have mentioned before. So this data I bring together with the social protection floor index so unless unlike that Miguel presented which was more about coverage this can be more understood as a financing gap for anyone who has, who's not familiar with the recommendation it basically sets out three basic income guarantees for children, people on active age and older persons and access to universal health like basic health coverage, right? So what I've been part of kind of designing this index I think almost like eight years ago now, Jesus. And what we do is like we look at basically an income gap and a health gap so I'm not going too much into the technical details but if you would like to hear more about it please ask any questions. The important thing is to understand what this measure basically expresses is like how much of a country's GDP would be needed in order to establish social protection floors in the country. With the recent addition they also published it as a percentage of total government revenue which I think will be very interesting for the audience of this conference. I also use for the income gaps, I use a relative poverty line obviously to make it applicable across the global north and the global south rather than absolute poverty lines, right? So to come back to the findings that I showed you in the beginning so what as I said before so if a country has the financing increases across countries you have more universal responses in the crisis relief. If you think about it it makes a lot of sense because say your system is not as expansive in terms of coverage and you need to quickly respond to people's needs it's easier to kind of implement a broader category and perhaps work rather have inclusion errors than exclusion errors during these times. What I also wanted and I think that's something that can be explored going forward whether this is an ad hoc sort of once off design shift that was found in particularly in non-high income countries or whether there is a sort of institutional momentum to go forward in a different direction in terms of like rethinking the particularities of targeting methods. As I highlighted before as well there's a lot of new beneficiary categories and like Miguel I also worked with two different definitions of social protection so one that was perhaps a little bit more traditional I'd say and one that was expansive in that it also included programs that were targeted at SMEs you know so part of social protection active labor market programs that was targeted at employment we can make an argument of course like programs that are geared towards businesses that are also equally relevant right. So there's kind of I would say there's even like Meredith looking at sort of new and old beneficiaries and that crisis response and perhaps rethink whether in which ways we could shift the conceptual boundaries of social protection and then of course in financing those crisis responses I think there's a big question of what to keep which is a very country specific question and not something I can answer on this very global level analysis but what I would like to sort of conclude with is still a question right because I've done some first level high level explorations or you can see also not even in the like sort of econometric estimations it's an association it's not a causal explanation that you can have but nevertheless I would say as far as the results goes like the existing system of course matters for the design of crisis response I think for various reasons if we think about vertical and horizontal expansions oh great I'll be quicker than that. There's also that question and that's something that I'm working on with colleagues to bring more politics into the space of social protection because of course there's a lot of merit in exploring like sort of the technicalities of programs but there's also a way of looking what is the social fabrics of political support in the countries who stands to benefit which is also relevant for like the collection side what in terms of fairness and taxation and lastly I mean of course in terms of fiscal feasibility I'd be very interesting to hear because I'm not really working on the collection side as much it's like okay what is considered more fiscal feasible knowing that targeting is a costly exercise and if we go forward with like these adaptive systems that have say more elaborate early warning indicators and like trying to make targeting more fine tuned is that more feasible or is it more having like a broad based measure in place perhaps a like narrower version than a basic income grant also the other differences sort of that we could look at in terms of costs for horizontal versus vertical expansions okay so I think I will leave it at that so we have some more time to discuss yeah thank you very much


The environmental profile focuses on the human pressures on and threats to aquatic ecosystems and water resources. The master's program's profiles can run in a single track or cut across different tracks. This is exciting because this means that you have a lot of flexibility when composing your own trajectory. We try to focus on different types of questions. We ask fundamental questions, for example, how does a river change physically, biologically and chemically, along its course given natural conditions. We also ask applied questions, for example, how does a river or a wetland system change due to the input of excess nutrients or sediments from land use, and how do people's livelihoods and habitat conservation interrelate? How can we transform agricultural ecosystems to be more sustainable? And how can we restore aquatic ecosystems that have been impacted by different human pressures? We use a variety of different tools and methods to answer these questions. This can range from doing analytical work in a laboratory to going into the field where we learn about the different approaches used in river or wetland restoration. We might also visit different stakeholders and interview them and try to understand their perspectives of environmental issues and of the sustainable use of resources. We cannot manage what we do not understand and we cannot understand what we do not measure. The concepts, methods and tools that you will learn in the environmental profile will help you manage and address some of the most pressing environmental issues that we are facing in this century, including unsustainable resource use, biodiversity loss and climatic change.


Okay, so let's do a couple of these other types of problems Less involved this one says the subscript giving the atomic number of an atom is often left off when writing an isotope symbol for example Carbon 13 is Carbon 13 written like this is often written just like This that's carbon 13. Why is this allowed? Okay, so Since since it's carbon right it has to have six protons is what it's saying You know so any isotope of carbon is going to have six protons. It's just the number of neutron that's changed Okay, so in fact what they're really saying is this see and this six are redundant information Does that make sense? So every time you have a see here. It has to have six protons for example if I have How many protons does this molecule have or this atom have sorry? Six right and this one here Six but how many neutrons does this one? six So that's the mass number on top. Okay, the mass number so how many neutrons does this one? Seven right okay because so let's just do it one more time right so protons, right? How many does this one have? Protons six How many does this one? And how do you know that? Because it's carbon, right? It's carbon, right? So the number of neutrons. How many does this one have? Seven right and this one Six and why is that because these two numbers have to equal the mass number. Any questions on that? questions you sure No, yeah, like I was saying if you think electrons are like 10,000 times as small as the proton or Weight wise, you know, so like it's like you getting on the the balance at the gym You know or the scale of the gym looking at your weight and saying, okay, I weigh 190 pounds, you know or something like that and then Fly lands on you know, does that change your weight any significant? Probably not, you know Everybody okay with that so electrons? No no way