Rwyth Davidson, cwestiwn i ddaeth nhw. Rwyth Davidson. Rwyth Davidson 1. Rwyth Davidson 2. Rwyth Davidson 3. Rwyth Davidson 4. Rwyth Davidson 4. Rwyth Davidson 4. Rwyth Davidson 6. Rwyth Davidson 7. Yn y Hyddydd N Siwg, mae'r cyfrifatau hefyd yn digwydd ond eraill mae Gwyiereun i Gwisbeth I a Rwyndd Arddangosol I yn realo ni wedi ddiwedd i gweithgål ac yn fadoedd chi'n eu ddyddu i g ôl i ddeithas wahanol am ar deimlo iddyn nhw. I will have engagements to take forward the Government's programme for Scotland. Ruth Davidson. I would like to associate myself and my party with the message of the First Minister. I know that events elsewhere in the world are taking precedence right now in the news, but I believe that this Parliament has a job in holding this Government to account. In March, we discovered that the Scottish Government had signed a £10 billion memorandum of understanding with two Chinese companies, and we only discovered it because a picture appeared in the Chinese trade press. We learned this week that the deal had now collapsed, and we only learned of that thanks to the Scottish Sunday papers. Does the First Minister think that this is the mark of a transparent Government? The First Minister. This Government is focused on one of our core responsibilities, which is trying to attract jobs and investment to Scotland. That is something that I will never apologise for. That was the whole purpose that underpinned the memorandum of understanding that Ruth Davidson refers to. That memorandum did not commit us to any particular investment, but it did commit us to exploring opportunities for such investment. We were made aware in August that, due to the political climate, our partners in that memorandum of understanding felt that they could not proceed at this time. We did not take that as a cancellation of the memorandum of understanding. We remained committed then, as we remain committed now to pursuing all opportunities for investment. I regret the fact that the partners do now consider the memorandum of understanding to be cancelled. I would end by saying this. The reason for that is the political climate that was created. As First Minister, I will certainly reflect on any lessons the Scottish Government should learn from this experience, but I say this sincerely and genuinely. I hope that the Opposition parties will reflect on that, because scrutiny and questions are, of course, legitimate. I agree with Ruth Davidson that the Opposition's job is to hold this Government to account. I think that all Opposition parties should be careful not to create a climate in this country that seems to be inhospitable to investment, because if that happens, then that is not good for our economy or for any of us. Ruth Davidson. The First Minister is demanding that the rest of us take responsibility for a deal that we did not even know existed, and the Parliament would have scrutinised the deal if she hadn't hidden it from the Parliament. The First Minister might have answered a question, but, once again, it was not the question that she was actually asking, so let me answer that for her. It is not the mark of a transparent Government. It is not the mark of a transparent Government. It is the mark of a Government whose first instinct is to duck and dive and think that it can escape scrutiny when it wants to. This is a Government that even tries to hide which of its MSPs backs Brexit. The double standards that we have from this shower are extraordinary. The First Minister's former Cabinet Secretary, Richard Lochhead, said the other way that it was unacceptable that the UK Government should do deals without full disclosure. Yet here we have a Scottish Government that did not tell us that the Chinese deal was on and it failed to tell us when it was called off. We have already just heard the excuse that it was the Opposition parties daring to ask questions. Can I ask her, in all seriousness, is it really her position that the collapse of the deal is everybody else's fault and nothing to do with her Government? First Minister. Firstly, if she cared to listen to what I said, I said that I, as First Minister, would reflect on any lessons that we had to learn from this experience. I say that again. Let me repeat the fact that this memorandum of understanding was a commitment to build relationships and to explore opportunities. It was not actually a commitment to any particular investment. That is why I think that the charge of double standards from Ruth Davidson is actually a bit staggering, because Ruth Davidson is the representative of a party that has apparently made commitments to Nissan and yet refuses to publish the letter telling us what those commitments are. Commitments that may carry a price tag for the taxpayer. I suggest that Ruth Davidson perhaps concentrates on getting the House of her own party in order before she comes here to lecture the Scottish Government. In terms of the wider issues of Brexit, I have to say that there is certainly no secrecy around who in the Tory benches supports Brexit, because they all support Brexit now, regardless of what they might have said before the referendum. I do not think that the Conservatives have got any excuse to lecture anybody when it comes to trade and investment, because let us not forget that the Conservative Party is the one who wants to rip Scotland out of the EU, out of the single market against our will, and that is what is going to have such a damaging impact on jobs and investment in this country. Ruth Davidson. I cannot believe that the First Minister is persisting to come to the chamber today to say that the Chinese Communist Party pulled the plug in this deal because they heard the Scottish Liberal Democrats roar. It is just that this entire saga is embarrassing for this Government and I think it is embarrassing for our country because if we spell out what actually was at stake here or what we are now being told was at stake here because it was hidden at the time, it was £10 billion that could have been invested in housing and transport, and that is exactly the kind of investment that you would expect the Scottish Government to pull out all the stops to secure. Given that, wouldn't you have expected, at least one, just one of the First Minister's ministerial team to have picked up the phone to the potential investors after me to make sure that the deal was still on track? Why wasn't that call made? First Minister. We continue to engage not just with the partners in this deal but with anybody that we consider could lead to investment in Scotland. That is part of our core responsibilities but it is about rich, is it not? For oppositions to stand here today and complain about a deal which was actually a memorandum of understanding to explore potential deals, collapsing, when for weeks, during and after the May Scottish Parliament elections, we repeatedly had opposition parties from the chamber demanding that the whole thing was cancelled. So they demanded that it was cancelled and then they've got the nerve to come here and say all these things are saying about the fact that the situation has developed as it has. That, I think, is double standards and that, I think, is staggering hypocrisy. So we will concentrate as a Government on making sure that we focus on our job of doing everything we can to create jobs, investment and trade in and for Scotland. That's even more important now than it has ever been before given the fact that Ruth Davidson's party is determined to take us out of the European Union against our will. Ruth Davidson. Again, not answering the question I asked about what calls were made by ministers to try and save this deal and according to John Swinney on the record he says there have been no discussions between the First Minister or other ministers and the Chinese investors since May. The deal is a deal that loves to preach from its high horse but it can't face up to evidence of its own incompetence. Let's recap. They failed to tell us a deal was signed, they did nothing to keep it going, they failed to tell us when it collapsed and it's all everybody else's fault but there is an important question here about what happens now. In 2012 the SNP published a strategy for engagement between Scotland and China to double the number of major Chinese investors here by 2017 and to position Scotland as a base for Chinese investment. If this Government wants to bring forward transparent, well-thought-out plans for Chinese inward investment then they can expect a fair hearing but rather than blaming us or blaming Brexit or blaming the weather will the First Minister remove the shroud of secrecy from deals like these with the Scottish people? Ruth Davidson is absolutely entitled to ask questions of this Government but to talk about a shroud of secrecy when her party is refusing to publish the details of the commitments that have been given to Nissan frankly is double standards on stilts. In terms of how this Government will proceed we will continue to try to attract investment from China from other countries, from anywhere that wants to invest in Scotland in reasonable investment proposals that is our job. I will end this exchange where I started. I and this Government will reflect on lessons that we need to learn from this experience that is important and I accept responsibility for that but we have an opposition that demanded the cancellation of this memorandum of understanding we had an opposition that had a hysterical over-the-top reaction to this memorandum of understanding so while, yes, I take responsibility for learning lessons I really do think that the opposition also have to reflect on their behaviour which led to a political climate in which these partners felt that they couldn't proceed so perhaps if we all do that we might be in a better position in the future. Question 2, Kezia Dugdale. Thank you, Presiding Officer. Can I associate myself and these benches with the First Minister's remarks regarding Remembrance Sunday and ask the First Minister what will next meet? The Cabinet will next meet on Tuesday. Kezia Dugdale. Today is equal pay day. From today until the end of the year women are essentially working for free. An equal pay day comes just one day after the most experienced presidential candidate in American history who just happened to be a woman was defeated by the least qualified candidate ever. We still have so much to do to break the glass ceiling that women face. Donald Trump's behaviour towards women sends a dangerous signal across the world. So what steps is the First Minister taking to make Scotland a fairer and safer place for women? First Minister. Kezia Dugdale is right to raise this issue. I, as I said yesterday, regret the result of the US election. It was not the outcome that I wanted but I do respect the verdict of it but Hillary Clinton's defeat yesterday amongst many other things perhaps tells us that we are not as far down the road to true gender equality as we hoped we were. So we do have a great deal of work still to do. Kezia Dugdale raised the fact that today is equal pay day. This is the day that marks the point in the year where because of the pay gap for every other day of this year for nothing. In Scotland, and this is the good news, we are making progress in closing that gender pay gap. It's 6.2 per cent which is still far too high but it's lower than it was and it is lower than that across the UK as a whole which stands right now at 9.4 per cent. But we still got a long way to go. The Equal Pay Act was passed in the year I was born. It is an absolute scandal that we don't yet have equal pay in this country. So we are doing a range of things from funding to trying to deal with some of the underlying issues like expanding childcare. We are also using the powers we have to try to create greater transparency around pay. So for example, we recently lowered the threshold for public authorities to publish their gender pay gap and equal pay statements from those with more than 150 workers to those with more than 20 workers. So these are some of the steps we are taking. There are others as well. But today is a good reminder for all sorts of reasons and when it comes to battle for true gender equality much has been achieved but there is still much to do. Kezia Dugdale. I would agree with that. The reality is that in January we will have a misogynist in the White House a man who is boasted about assaulting women and has used the most degrading language possible. But today we learned from EIS about the unacceptable level of bullying in our schools including the use of sexualised and derogatory language right here in Scotland. What's more, 42% of our teaching staff have witnessed homophobia and transphobia in Scottish schools. So does the First Minister agree with me that these figures are alarming and can I ask her what action the Government will take to tackle bullying in our schools? We've given a range of commitments to the TIE campaign amongst others that we will continue to back efforts and stand behind efforts to make clear that there is zero tolerance of bullying in our schools. That's particularly related of course to homophobic bullying but I was very concerned to read the reports this morning that teachers think after the Brexit vote there has been an increase in bullying and that is just a reminder to us of the responsibility we all carry to promote the principles of tolerance, respect and diversity. There's a lot of debate as there was in the aftermath of Brexit about the reasons underlying the US election result yesterday and there is no doubt whatsoever that many people feel economically alienated. I was talking about that in relation to Brexit just this week and all of us have got a responsibility to oppose austerity and to address those issues but what we must never allow to happen is those legitimate issues to ever give a veneer of respectability to racism to misogyny to intolerance generally. We've all got a responsibility to do that now perhaps more than ever before. Thank you everyone. Of course Donald Trump's intolerance is not just aimed at women. We all remember the sickening sight of him mocking a disabled journalist. We can't forget his plans to build a wall or ban people of one face from entering America but I'm sure the First Minister would agree that Scotland is not free from that intolerance. We have seen reports of hate crimes against disabled people soar by 300 per cent since 2010 and cases of Islamophobia have nearly doubled. The events of this week are distressing for those of us who believe in a society that is stronger together who believe that we can achieve more working together than we can do standing apart who believe that what unites us is far greater than what divides us. Does the First Minister agree with me that co-operation and inclusion will trump the politics of division and isolation? Yes, I do. It was an irony, rather a sad irony, that yesterday, as well as being the day we found out the result of the US election, was also the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall. That, as well as many other aspects of the election result, made us all very reflective. I got some criticism yesterday for having expressed my view of who I wanted to win the US election, as I indeed had Kezia Dugdale. During that campaign I found so many of President-elect Trump's comments to be deeply important and I never want to be, I am not prepared ever to be a politician that maintains a diplomatic silence in the face of attitudes of racism, sexism, misogyny or intolerance of any kind. I think that it is important today that firstly we hope that President-elect Trump turns out to be a president very different to the kind of candidate he was and reaches out to those who felt vilified by his campaign. But people of progressive opinion the world over, I think do have to stand up for those values of tolerance and respect for diversity and difference. There is more of an obligation on us now than there perhaps has been on our generation before. It is a time to, for all of us, no matter how difficult and sometimes how controversial or unpopular it may be in certain quarters to be beacons of hope for the values that we all hold so dear. I have a constituency supplementary from Anas Sarwar. Figures published this week by ISD show that over 1500 patients are trapped in hospital as a delayed discharge clear to go home but unable to secure a care package. One of those patients is Janice Arundel. She is blind, has learning disabilities and turns 59 on Christmas Eve. Her clearly emotional and distressed brother David came to my surgery to explain that Janice has been in hospital since November having fallen and broken two bones in her neck. Janice was cleared to leave hospital in April and became a delayed discharge. As of today she has now been waiting 209 days at the Glasgow Royal Infirmary. It shouldn't take a question in this Parliament to sort this, but sadly it seems it does. Despite the health secretary promising to eradicate delayed discharge so what can the First Minister say to Janice, her family and the other 1500 patients and their families about this scandalous situation? First Minister. That is a completely unacceptable situation and I would never suggest otherwise and I would expect the local health board and the local council who have course now worked together in an integrated joint partnership to rectify that situation without further delay. Obviously I don't know more of the details than those that Anna Sarwar has just shared with us about this case but from what he said it is completely unacceptable. On the wider issue of delayed discharge an extremely important issue principally because of the impact of delayed discharge on individuals but also because of the impact of delayed discharge on the wider healthcare system. We have taken a number of actions and continue to take a number of actions. I have talked about the integration of health and social care something that no previous administration managed to do. We have done that that is a step in the right direction. We are transferring resources from the acute health sector to do more to build up social care services and we are seeing progress in reducing delayed discharges. The number of bed days lost from delayed discharge have decreased over the past year. The number of delayed discharges are on a downward trend although I want to see them go faster and more consistently downwards. Those are real priorities for us that we are taking the action to get the results we want to get because what Anna Sarwar has reminded us of and rightly reminded us of is behind all the statistics that we cite in this chamber lie human beings. I hope that he has mentioned if he wants to pass the details to the health secretary I will ensure that the health secretary liaises with the health board and with the local council to make sure that that action is taken. To ask the First Minister what issues will be discussed at the next meeting of the cabinet. Matters of importance to the people of Scotland. Minorities across America are frightened. People across the world were horrified by the election of President Trump. I agree with the First Minister that that is why we all need to stand together for tolerance and compassion. That does show our democracy is precious and scrutiny of government is important. At the risk of being accused of hysteria, I hope that the First Minister will not mind me asking questions about the collapse of the Chinese deal. The First Minister has criticised those before who have asked questions about it. Organisations like Amnesty International have concerns about one of the companies, Chinese state-owned CR3. She has today said that the deal is not dead yet. It has been a few months since the deal was signed. Has the First Minister carried out an investigation into their human rights record yet? First Minister. Amnesty International rightly and responsibly raised concerns with the Scottish Government and we have responded to Amnesty International. If my memory serves me correctly, I will certainly check that that is the case. We take concerns that are raised of that nature seriously and carry out proper investigations. The point that I had made previously about this memorandum of understanding and I have made it again today already, the memorandum itself did not commit us had there been any projects coming forward, specific projects, full due diligence would rightly and properly have been carried out at that time. I have already said more widely today that the Government will reflect on any lessons that we have to learn from this experience and I hope that the Opposition will as well. I say that not trying to blame anybody but simply trying to state a fact that when something comes to an end because of a political climate, I think that we all have to ask ourselves how that political climate came about. I simply say that there is an irony in Willie Rennie's question or at least the preface to Willie Rennie's question talking about the collapse of a deal. Willie Rennie is the Opposition politician chiefly who has been demanding that we cancel this deal ever since he knew about it. We will continue to take forward exploration of investment, we will do that responsibly and we will do that of course learning the lessons that we consider from this experience. What the deal cancelled because you hadn't even bothered to find out about the human rights record of this company in the first place. This is a dereliction of duty by this Government to so casually sign a memorand of understanding with a company you know nothing about. What is the value of the First Minister's signature if it can so be so easily dismissed, so easily binned after no scrutiny and the First Minister was incapable of answering my question. Has she done an investigation into her human rights record? I suspect not. She's not even bothered. Ruth Davidson was absolutely spot on. She's blamed everybody. This is important stuff here. This is the performance of this Government with regard to human rights but Ruth Davidson was right. She has blamed everybody else in this chamber for the collapse of this deal and hasn't even bothered to pick up the phone. Why didn't she even bother if it was that important? Surely it was worth a phone call. Surely she's responsible for the collapse of this and nobody else. First Minister. I'm afraid Willie Rennie has to make up his mind either he wanted the deal cancelled at the deal to use his word either he wanted it cancelled or he wanted me to pick up the phone to try to retrieve and to rescue it. He can't have it both ways. Contrary to what Willie Rennie has said, I think those watching will have heard me say on a number of times that yes, I accept there are lessons for the Government to learn about this and we will reflect on those and learn those lessons. But when we have partners saying that the reason they feel they cannot proceed with investment is because of the political climate created, I think we have the right to question who contributed to creating the political climate. That's what I am doing in this case and we will learn the lessons. All I'm saying is that I think Opposition parties should perhaps reflect as well. A number of supplementaries. First Minister, Gordon MacDonald. Thank you, Presiding Officer. The First Minister has rightly condemned the brutal MOD cuts announced this week including the redford barracks in the Collington area of my constituency. She will also have noted that two Highland Tory MSPs chose to ignore the closure of Fort George and their questions on yesterday's statement in Parliament. Unlike those Tory MSPs will the First Minister confirm that her Government will fight not only for the Highlands but for all of the areas affected by these base closures? Yes, I was extremely angry when I heard about the UK Government's proposals about the defence footprint in Scotland. I should say that those proposals were put forward in full consultation with the Scottish Government whatsoever. They represent, if they go ahead, a 20 per cent reduction of the defence footprint in Scotland. I think that that is unacceptable. There are many communities including in the member's constituency that will be badly affected by those decisions. I think that it's right that we oppose them and that we seek to understand more about what the UK Government tends to do to compensate side by side with communities. Those on the other side of the chamber may not want always to do that, but those on this side of the chamber will do. I think that those proposals represent a Government that seems to always be willing and able to find money to invest in tried and nuclear weapons but can't find the investment to safeguard our conventional footprint here in Scotland. I think that those are the wrong decisions. Ross Thomson. Thank you, Presiding Officer. In a response to parliamentary question, I table the justice secretary, Michael Matheson, stated that Police Scotland have powers to move on unauthorised travelling encampments where there are exceptional circumstances, including vandalism, antisocial behaviour and encampments of six or more caravans. However, Inspector Colin Taylor from Police Scotland in the Northeast which I represent stated that there is nothing within the law that allows police to simply move on trespassers. From responses such as these, it's clear that the Scottish Government is saying one thing and the police are saying another. On 21 September, I wrote to the First Minister on this issue and I'm still waiting for a response. Can the First Minister please confirm to me now what steps the Scottish Government is taking to ensure that the police are aware of the powers that are available to them and feel comfortable enough in using them? I'm happy to ask the justice secretary to write to the member to bring clarity to this issue. Trespass is not a recognised law and I don't know perhaps the reason behind the comments that the member has cited. It seems to me that the answer that was read out there was pretty clear but I'll ask the justice secretary to contact the member to answer any further questions that he's got about the matter. To ask the First Minister for her reaction to the UK Government's announcement of the long-awaited new bidding for its contract for difference scheme supporting low-carbon projects. The decision that was announced yesterday is deeply concerning. The UK Government, after a great deal of delay announced its decision on contract for difference and there are two particular aspects of that announcement that are of extreme concern to Scotland. Firstly, what I can only describe is the betrayal of our island communities in terms of not treating onshore wind developments in our island communities in the usual form of energy and therefore able to bid into the option for the contract of difference. That is completely contrary to commitments that had been given to our island communities previously. Secondly, not having a ring-fenced amount in this contract for difference for marine technology obviously that raises real concerns for world-leading projects like major. We'll continue to liaise with the UK Government. Again, just like the one we've been talking about on the basing review this was announced yesterday when obviously I was elsewhere without any consultation with the Scottish Government. I don't think that's the right way to proceed particularly when these decisions have such an impact on our economy right across the country. Question number four, Stuart Stevenson. To ask the First Minister what assessment the Scottish Government has made of the impact on Scotland of the outcome of the United States presidential election. First Minister. While the outcome of the US presidential election is not the one I had hoped for it is the verdict of the American people that said I hope that the new president will reach out to those who felt marginalised and often vilified by his campaign and make clear that he will be a president for all of modern multi-cultural America and also one who values the principles of tolerance, respect and diversity. The Scottish Government will continue to monitor developments during the transition period between now and January. We will fully assess the impact for Scotland once President-elect Trump forms a new administration and its priorities are made clear. Stuart Stevenson. On 19 November 1863 at Gettysburg the founder of the Republican Party Abraham Lincoln said that their nation was dedicated to the proposition that all are created equal. Can the First Minister agree that while the US president elects comments during the election barely connected with that proposition he will have our support if he embraces in his acts and his thoughts Lincoln's statements as a proper foundation of what can truly make America great again and a great friend of us? First Minister. Yes, I do agree with that. I was struck yesterday by comments made by the German Chancellor Angela Merkel when she said she wanted to have constructive engagement with the new president but wanted that to be engagement based on values of respect for all, of tolerance and of diversity and I echo that sentiment. The relationship between Scotland and the United States of America is a strong one that I believe will endure so as the elected First Minister of Scotland I want to engage positively and constructively with the American administration and never ever shy away from standing up for these important principles and I very much hope we see a President Trump that is very, very different to the candidate Trump we have all been witnessing and many of us have been appalled by in the past few months. Jackson Carlaw. No doubt the First Minister will be urgently considering whether Mr Trump's election represents a material change in circumstances. Mr Trump has said that he will expedite a new trading relationship between a UK leaving the European Union and the United States given her direct intervention against the new White House to which she has just referred and her dismissal of the president-elect appointed by her predecessor as a business ambassador for Scotland how will she ensure that this new potential trade Scottish business and Scottish jobs are not prejudiced as a result? I have to say, I'm not sure that anything I've said about Donald Trump even comes close to some of the tweets that I've seen earlier on from Ruth Davidson that I believe I've now been deleted from her Twitter account about Donald Trump. So maybe I'm misadvised about that but what I've just said is important that the relationship between the United States and Scotland is a long-standing one, it's based on ties of family, of culture, of business and I want those ties not just to continue I want them to be enhanced and to get even stronger so as First Minister I want to engage with the next American administration just as we have the last one but I do believe it's important for all politicians at this moment in our history to stand up and be counted on important principles of tolerance and respect and diversity and I'm not going to shy away from doing that and I hope that Donald Trump builds an administration founded on those principles and if he does that we can continue to ensure that that close relationship gets even closer in the future. Question 5, Murdo Fraser Thank you, Presiding Officer. I feel we may have been here before but what lessons have been learned following two Chinese companies withdrawing from a memorandum of understanding with the Scottish Government? The purpose of the memorandum of understanding was to build relationships with a view to developing investment projects in Scotland while in August partners made clear to us that moving forward at this time was not possible given the political climate. We remain committed to exploring investment partnerships with China and with other countries. It is a key part of the job of this Government to secure jobs and investment particularly at a time when Brexit puts our economy at risk. Murdo Fraser Thank you First Minister for her response. The EY Scotland attractiveness survey shows that Scotland's record in attracting foreign direct investment from China is not as good as the UK as a whole. China is in the top five origins for investment in the UK but does not even feature in Scotland's top 10. Perhaps that is no surprise given that we have just seen what the Chinese have dubbed the Scottish shambles. How will the Scottish Government improve its handling of deals with China so that we can see greater Chinese investment here in Scotland? We will continue to work hard to attract more investment from China as we will do from other countries. It is interesting that Murdo Fraser chooses to cite the EY report. I am glad that he has chosen to cite the EY report. Unfortunately, what he forgot to say is that that report shows that for many years now Scotland has been the most successful part of the UK outside of London for attracting inward investment. That is something to be proud of. It demonstrates the success of this Government and our enterprise agencies for attracting investment in jobs into Scotland. That is now what is put at risk by the Tory's obsession with taking us out of Europe and it is why it is so important that we continue to do the job that we are determined to do. Question 6 Pauline McNeill. To ask the First Minister what steps the Scottish Government is taking to reduce the number of children in temporary accommodation. First Minister. The temporary accommodation has fallen since 2007, but it is still too high. Scotland's strong homelessness rights means that families are in temporary accommodation while they wait for appropriate permanent housing. We want the time children spend in temporary accommodation to be as short as possible. That is why we will introduce a cap of one week for families living in B&B type accommodation. Of course, we are fully committed to the prevention of homelessness and will deliver at least 50,000 affordable homes by the end of this Parliament to ensure that vulnerable families have more housing options to them. Pauline McNeill. Thank the First Minister for her answer. She will know that households with children spend the longest in temporary accommodation an average of 23 weeks. This Christmas, there are actually 591 families with children who will spend their time in temporary accommodation which she will have described as a scandal. The figure seems to be on the rise and does not seem to be decreasing. I am sure that she will agree with me that the impact on children's health and education and wellbeing is affected by that. I wonder if the First Minister would consider in addition to what she said today about the one-week cap for those in B&B accommodation two further steps that she could take. Firstly, to consider strengthening the statutory duty in the 2014 act which gives reasons why families with accommodation should be housed as a matter of priority. Secondly, since she mentioned the target of 50,000 houses which I welcome will she consider ensuring that there are some kind of conditions on house builders, on the types of houses that we are going to build here with this target? For example, if we build more pensioner type houses then that would free up family accommodation to house desperate families who need urgent action from your Government. First Minister. To give further consideration to both of those suggestions firstly in terms of amending the 2014 act and second point about the type of housing although I would point out to Pauline McNeill that it is already the responsibility of local partners when they are putting together the strategic housing investment plans to consider the range of different housing that is required in local areas so that kind of planning already exists in the system and it is important that that is undertaken properly. I agree with Pauline McNeill that we do not want any children living in temporary accommodation. The numbers have come down since 2007 although in terms of the most recent year we have seen a slight increase. It should be pointed out and I do not say this as any kind of excuse but it is an important contextual point that most temporary accommodation is in the social rented sector and is generally of a high quality but nevertheless it is not good for children to be living in temporary circumstances and that is why reducing the cap to one week is so important so that children get into permanent settled accommodation as quickly as possible but the importance of our underlying ambition to build more houses is a key part of the solution so we will continue to make sure that we take the right decisions to meet that target. Christine Grahame Given the UK's callous cap on benefits and the predictions of thousands of children and families being thrown into poverty with the possibility of them being unable to meet rental payments does the First Minister foresee further pressures on the temporary accommodation for children and families and how will the Government cope with that? First Minister Yes, I do. It worries me greatly and in fact some of the increase that we have seen in temporary accommodation may in some part not exclusively but in some part be down to benefit changes in terms of whether it is coming from more people suffering homelessness so it is important that we have the right frameworks in place and that includes the right support frameworks in terms of the benefit system. Some of the changes that are in place now in terms of the reduction of the work allowance and universal credit and transferring some of the arrangements in the private housing sector into public housing in terms of limits on the amount of housing benefit to make this issue that we are talking about worse. That is why we will continue to put pressure on the UK Government not to do these things but also as we take more not enough but more responsibility ourselves around some of these issues we will try to make sure that we have the right systems in place. Question 7, Maurice Golden. To ask the First Minister whether optional religious observance in schools for 16 to 18-year-olds will support the values of a diverse outward looking Scotland. Religious observance is a school community activity which offers opportunities for young people to reflect meaningfully on different points of view and values including their own. It promotes critical thinking and helps young people to become aware of different ideas and beliefs about life. The values of a diverse and outward looking Scotland are fully supported by this aspect of school experience. Any decisions about a young person withdrawing from it should involve both parents or carers and the young person, especially young person grows in maturity and understanding of their own learning. Maurice Golden. I thank the First Minister for that response but can the First Minister give an assurance to constituents of mine in the west of Scotland and beyond that within the parameters of any consultation or potentially amended guidance or legislation with respect to this that there will be no threat to faith schools and how they choose to deliver education? Nothing about the consultation that has been announced is about faith schools and I absolutely give that commitment but we are, as the member indicates, looking at a consultation about revising the guidance which is principally around the issue that has been raised by the humanist society in the context of a court action which is now sisted about whether young people themselves without the agreement of their parents can withdraw from their religious education or observance. That is the issue that we are looking at. I think that it is right to look at that as young people get older then clearly the responsibility for these decisions is enhanced and that is a position that already exists in England and Wales so we are looking at that but it is on that particularly narrow issue. That concludes First Minister's questions. I will now move to members' business and I will take a few moments for members and ministers to change seats.


So they say men are only interested in looks when it comes to a woman and a woman is only Interested in a man if he has resources or status. So what are your thoughts on that? Well, I can't speak for a woman. Well, were you that kind of woman that only wants a man for status and resources? Obviously not. Oh, so what was it about me then? For me it was integrity. Okay, I mean, it's not my devastating looks and the $35 I have in the bank account So what do you think a man? Okay, so if they say Women want status and resources and when men want only beauty. Do you think a man can only be satisfied with a woman's beauty? I don't know. Not speaking for all men I'm not speaking for men. Well speaking as a man who is with what I believe is the most gorgeous woman on this planet There's a lot more than looks For men who are sincerely want a relationship. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. Now, but you probably have had men that were only interested in you and looks or looks I should say. I Don't know. Well, I would like to not think that.  Oh, yeah, okay, and you've had men be flaky well, look men are The same as us in many ways, you know, they're picky and stuff and if you don't fit their mold You know, don't one thing I can't stand as somebody that just doesn't say what they mean They'll say something else and then they'll know they ghost you and I don't I think you know That's kind of indicative of our times today and dating and relationships I think people men and women treat each other as disposable and What's an interestingly enough because there's been a lot of comments to say women are way too picky men will say women are Way too picky. It's all focused on looks on their part and they don't look at a man's character and integrity and that sort of thing And men only care about sex and if they can't get laid on the first second or third date, they're out the door Well, they're the wrong guy. Yeah Well, I just didn't I didn't I didn't put it with nonsense So if if there wasn't any kind of rapport, I didn't I didn't want anything to do with them, right? So, okay, so you didn't put up with nonsense Oh, but I think ultimately you've had several Relationships in your life where it was just more than your looks. It was more than the beauty. Am I right? Well, I would hope that people see me for who I really am and not You know this was God-given. Yeah This I work on. Yeah, so like no, so okay So when I shared with you the topic today, I asked you what do you think men want from a woman? More than beauty and what was the first thing you said respect respect? Okay. Now, what are your thoughts on respect? Well, it's got to be a mutual respect. Yeah Well, have you ever been I've ever found yourself and I'm gonna talk about respect in a moment for myself But for with respects to what I feel but have you ever found yourself in a circumstance dating someone Where you noticed there was something out of integrity and maybe you found yourself Respecting that person less That's a hard one Yeah, I'm sure that happened But in the moment I wasn't aware of it. I just thought okay, we're not a match Yeah, so let me share something that happened between the two of us and then I'd like you to do the same So when we first started dating, oh by the way I was worried when he asked me because I know because she feels like I'm putting her on the spot So let me share with you when we had our first date you and I don't want to share the particulars with our audience But you shared something and I said, you know what I have a great deal of respect for you Because of the way you handled something. Do you remember? I don't know if you remember the particular Okay, but one of the things I admired in you know, what was your transparency? Okay, remember that? Yeah, okay And I said I really respect you for your transparency. So What was something you respected about me early on? Um, well, I didn't know a lot about you because you you know, he assumed that I was watching his videos And I never saw one of his videos But I didn't respect knowing his story how this all came about and how You know, you started this business from nothing And and you just kind of evolved into it because of all the work that you had done Just to know women better So So I'll be candid with you I felt you know, like well you even said before we met you saw that I was a coach a speaker and author And you were even a little intimidated by me Yes, okay, but I thought he was tony robbins I'm not even close to tony robbins. And by the way, he's eight inches tall. No, he's six eight So it's six inches taller than me.  But I will say this I one of the things I appreciated about you Was that I could feel your genuine respect towards me And your respect wasn't just admiring me because what we're talking about is admiration Your respect was the way I took care of things the way I handle things you you always gave me the benefit Or you have always given me the benefit of the doubt even when we've had disagreements. I've I have not Once felt Disrespected by you. And when we think about respect, it's oftentimes the opposite. It's being Disrespected when we feel not respected. Am I making sense? You know, I've always subscribed to the golden rule And if I want respect, I have to give respect. Yeah and Well, I'm just going to share with you that I have felt respected and certainly to go with your looks and go with The title of this it's more than just your beauty. Number one has been that you've treated me with respect So let's go through the list I've created here Number two, what do you think? Well, do you remember what I shared with you? What number two was? No, I think I guessed it Appreciation Let me share something most men's I'm going to say their number one complaint For those Then this is just the male perspective and ladies I want you to also experience the same things of respect and what I've just shared now is appreciation I think a lot of men are in relationships with women where they don't feel appreciated for their efforts Yeah, but that goes both ways Yeah, of course it goes both ways, but you know and the thing is I'm not a big fan of the words. Thank you Okay, not that I dislike. Thank you, but I like the words appreciation. So remember we went to cosco today And I ended up picking up the tab at the end, you know, even though you said you wanted to split it I took care of it. Do you remember what you said next? I appreciate. Yeah, I appreciate you. You know folks the words Appreciation is is so much more powerful the words appreciation gratitude. I'm grateful for you Using these words can really pay so many dividends. And by the way, as you said, I think Well, you ended up picking up the salad later and I said, I really appreciated that So I want to encourage everyone to start using the words appreciation gratitude grateful in your Languaging because these words trigger something more than just the physical attributes of a relationship It triggers a real bonding with another person. So I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Well, thank you Okay, number two is problem number three. Excuse me is probably the obvious of all of these and that's physical touch Okay, now obviously we're talking about the partially the five love languages But guys are, you know, just beyond looks we I think humans want to experience Physical touch, right? Yes. Okay. You like cuddling and spooning and all that stuff and and men actually appreciate that as well I might have told you the story. I know I've told my audience before I was on a first date with a woman well before I met you and I remember she was just lightly touching my hand during the date Now that was a signal that she liked me But we men like that sort of physical touch So when you're on a first date with a guy make sure that if you like this person touch here, touch me I can be playful is what i'm talking about but certainly men want more than just the looks is to physically connect with you Feeling desired. Oh, absolutely feeling desired And it's it's not just and we could also include the words to go with the physical touch I mean, I'm actually kind of outlining the five love languages And if you're not familiar with the five love languages, I highly recommend checking out the book Ah, where is it? Folks here it is It's the book called the five love languages by gary Chapman by the way in the description below is a link to all the books I recommend But in that physical touch is probably men's Number two or three or first love language Where does it rank for you? Physical touch it's in the top three isn't the top three. Okay. Okay What is your top one? Mine are pretty even. I know you said it's even I always think it's quality time I think that's probably your number one is you really appreciate good conversation good quality time our morning coffee But again men certainly appreciate physical touch more than beauty number four And this is really critically important. It comes back like respect is acceptance Give a thought that's not one of the love languages It's not one of the love language good good memory. Um, so within I think acceptance is that capacity To truly just be yourself when you're with another person when you can accept that person warts and all You know and you can still and you can be yourself and they can be themselves see We know couples and I don't want to name any names We know a number of couples where a lot of times the the couples criticize each other frequently They don't like aspects of their partner Well, we do it to each other though. Well, no, well, no, but we we do it each other in play We know each other's but we also accept it I think when but you don't complain with any of your girlfriends for that stuff But when you hear some of your girlfriends complaining about their partner, it's really saying I don't accept them for who they are I want to change them I I just I always wonder when people are talking about their partner to somebody else. Yeah Um, why are they together? Yeah, why don't they talk about it? Why don't they heal it or fix it? And by the way, you know, here's the thing I'm not here to suggest accepting bad behavior from a man But when a man genuinely I know in our case when because I feel so accept in our relationship and look I stick my foot in my mouth with you habitually And you do certain things that create on me, but it's not it's but the thing is I still I think you still accept me Even in those things that are annoying and I accept you in those things that are annoying. I'm not trying to change you I know you're perfect.  I get it Okay, so and then the last one That men want more than beauty and I think this is this is my favorite of all of these And by the way, you could I could have come up with a list of seven I could have come up with a list of 10 I just came up for five for our video today But these are three in the same venue and it's easy going Chill and agreeable easy going chill and agreeable now Easy so, you know, I think you're easy going chill and agreeable When I want to say about agreeable I'm not talking about doormat. I'm not talking about someone who just says yes to everything But there are some people who are and I've been in relationship with someone like that If I said black, they would say white if I said blue, they would say gold if I said this restaurant It'd be another restaurant, you know type of thing I think one of the things men want and women want as well is people that are easy going chill and agreeable Well, it's like any relationship. You've got to pick and choose your battles. Sure. So like what restaurant? I don't care That's fine. Whatever you picked out. That's fine. Well, but if I really want sushi and you want italian I'm going to say something. Okay. So it's not that you're being subservient you're not being What's the other word? I'm thinking of it subordinate. You're not being docile when I say agreeable It's just that you know, the thing is I think with a lot of women and men They they would rather be right than be happy I think that's what an easy going chill and agreeable is about is I'd rather be Happy than being right and I think for a lot of men and women and women This is certainly coming from the male perspective. I've gone on dates, you know prior to meeting you where it was got pulling teeth To try to make someone happy Instead of just a pre and it comes back to appreciation acceptance Respect, I think that's all wrapped up in agreeableness because when you genuinely oh Just something occurs to me When you trust someone You tend to be more agreeable with them well Maybe but like like for me when you know, well sometimes we go back and forth to Like oh, you want to do this or you want to do that? Oh, whatever you want Okay, but I'm saying but there's a sense of calm. There's a sense of peace There's a sense of trust if you were mistrusting of someone if you were doubting of someone if you weren't Feeling like they had your best interest at hand Then there's a chance you may not be agreeable because there's something else in the way Of actually going deeper into a relationship because I think people who are chill agreeable Easy going and I think people who are two givers yes well, there's a tony robbins quote that um What's wrong with relationships is a lot of people go into into them expecting to get You know make me happy But when you get two people that are Givers then that's what makes a relationship. I totally agree with that And I'd like to think we're both givers in this relationship. Okay, so okay So here's the thing, you know what? Yes. We men are the first thing we see is the looks. Okay Let's just be realistic here. It's the whole swiping You know methodology is based on looks for both men and women alike It's the first thing we feel the first thing we see Well, not feel I mean we we see and then we feel someone about looks but ultimately what a man really wants in a relationship Goes beyond the looks. It's about the respect. It's about the appreciation. It's about the physical touch It's about acceptance. It's about being with someone where you feel at ease with them And they feel at ease with you and as I said if we wrap this all up in a in a nice bow It's all about when you feel a sense of trust and commitment You can just be yourself with that person and hopefully all of these kind of trickle down along with it Degree I agree. Okay. Hey, by the way, folks. Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that Okay, for those that know our live streams. We are going to take questions now If you have a question for either Marie or myself write the word question Then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat It's the little dollar sign in the chat box all of the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Connor Asley. He's a pictured right there right behind Marie the little guy there He's my son who passed away almost five years ago in his honor. I donate to causes like the Hoffman Institute Insights seminars and now our columbian one which is seeds of love seeds of love which helps Children with terminal diseases who have been abandoned by their parents and there's an organization that does their best to care for these children So if you do donate tonight, I'm going to make sure everything that's donated tonight is going to go to seeds of love So we'd really like to get Some contributions for that. Okay, and if you're watching the replay, please hit that super. Thanks button All right, let's see what we got. Oh, hey, we already got our first super sticker $4.99 let Marcy know we're going to send her some money For the cause. Thank you so much Okay, um patricia A guy asked me out to lunch and mentioned a restaurant and hesitated and he said if you're not feeling good about that restaurant You can choose another one. No problem. I liked him for that Well, that's nice, you know what we men, you know, there's this interesting bad rap. I think we get If a man asks a woman what she'd like to do he doesn't he's not confident He's not secure a man should always know But the thing is when a guy wants to ask you it's because he wants to make you happy And some women think that men are mind readers Well, oh, yeah, exactly But the interesting thing is Okay, so coming back to that we want to make you happy But we get criticized for lacking a backbone for lacking confidence when it's really just I want to do what makes you happy Now this is where you can get into trouble because you do the same with me I want to do want to find out what you want to do and you're like, I don't care Why don't you just pick and it's like well, then I'm like, oh my gosh, you know Does she want this does she want that? Thankfully we have our routine. By the way, we're going to El Torrito tonight For happy hour But again, I think that's a great comment that you make patricia I really appreciate that he did that for you and I think Men who ask They're really just doing it because they want to make you happy Okay, donna writes Question How do you both feel about a man who dumps a woman because he says he likes you a lot but hates the shape of your face And you don't have a good voice Ah What do I think about that he's an asshole You know, it's funny because I I think if even if there's something about a person you don't like You know, I what's that um, you know good manners is not Yeah, that was deliberately hurtful. Yeah, that that was just not nice I think there was something else that bothered him But he wanted to make it that but he wanted to dig so there was a there was a part of him donna That my suspicion is somehow he was wounded in his past And he's taking out that wound on you and so whatever happened in your dynamic He felt that he had to take it out on you. It doesn't make it right.  Absolutely. Okay All right, let's keep going cat arena writes What is the most challenging thing in your relationship? If any by the way, I love the dynamic between the two of you You know, you actually told me about that earlier today. I don't know if you remember It's about travel. Oh, yeah, he's like you would want me to travel every day of the week if you had your choice Um So, okay, I think our dynamic is um, I'm a nervous traveler to boot Do you want to comment on that? Um, I have traveled a lot and you know, you have to be able to go with the flow Yeah, you know, not everything is going to work out exactly the way you think it's going to work out Whereas I just think yeah, it'll in the end. It'll be fine Jonathan Actually is nervous that things are going to go wrong Because I grew up with a mother like that or a father like that I should say where to me It's all part of the experience that oh, you know, it's kind of like Having this great plan of doing this outdoor activity and it starts pouring rain. Well, you can still go out there You'll just well, it'll be a different kind of fun I think the real issue is you don't I haven't learned to really trust you yet Okay, okay. Now. It's not that it can't happen or won't happen. It's just we haven't done enough Where I feel that sense of trust. Okay. Okay. That's not so okay.   It's not I know you've paused so anyways Katarina, I think that's a couple of the things but one thing and we were listening to a video right beforehand folks in relationship Two people who have done healing work that have healed their childhood wounds that have healed their traumas or their adult traumas like a Devastating divorce and going to something like the naked Divorce or naked recovery going to a place like that to heal from an ending of a relationship The fact the matter is is you still bring wounds to this new relationship. You and I have childhood wounds that sometimes surface That get triggered because something I did or said or something you did or said triggers a childhood wound The benefit about being in relationship with a partner who says or at least Not that we've said declared this out. Well, we have declared this out loud I'm here. I'm here to be part. We're we're teammates in one another and that includes the good stuff and healing the stuff That comes from our childhood or our adult traumas So recognize that there's still more healing that's done and it typically or is best to do when you're in relationship with one Another person who says I want to help you heal. I hope you feel that for me Yeah And I feel that from you as well. Okay. Anyways, katerina being able to talk about it like not Not all men are willing to talk about those things No, I think one of the biggest challenge women have in the dating process is that they're you know A lot of men have weak emotional IQ They have weak emotional maturity weak relationship skills.  This is one of the reasons why I created my private coaching Is I was just telling a client today My job is to help you weed out the 90 out of 100 guys that are Emotionally constipated You know and they're emotionally inapt And so what I've done is I've created a private I have my in my private coaching program I have a section in it called radical honesty pre-qualifying your prospect And what that means is we develop questions based on your personality to weed out those emotionally constipated men So you can start attracting in the guy who has the capacity to have deeper dialogue with you Okay All right, let's go on to the next question Do men call you babe if he just wants to be friends or he's headed that way My friend has started doing that at the end of phone conversations I wouldn't read that much into that You know, I say terms of endearment to clients. I say terms of endearment to friends You know, I I I think what babe is a different kind of term of endearment like sweetheart I think that could be like I could even call tammy a sweetheart I don't think I'd call her babe. It's some it's a friend of mine or or like laura your friend People's personalities are like like some I've had people Hey My growth my ex-brother-in-law. He calls me babe. Okay, so You said not to read into that so and that was Marie makes a good point The actions that he has following that is what matters most You know, I see a lot of women that get hung up on men because they gave some affection And they're holding on or they give some attention Let me ladies you have a capacity to read a little bit of attention or a little bit of affection and make this Grand assumption that he wants you and yet his actions don't demonstrate He wakes months to call you. He doesn't plan dates with you And these aren't because you're you're holding hope for a friend To convert into something more than a friend. Let me be clear about men When a man wants to approach you for a relationship Nothing will stop him Saying babe might now he might be waiting for a reaction from her To see if there's a reciprocal reaction, but if he wants a relationship, he's going to take it further than that Nothing to add. No, I've had people call me babe and it meant nothing. Okay So my point is it's it's the actions that matter more than the word. So thank you so much for that Wanda All right, Nana says question Why do I say the word question ahead of time? Because it's there This site for 65 year olds, where do you normally where are where do the normal emotional mature available men live? Do you have a comment? They may be next door. You don't know. Okay. So asking about dating sites. Here's the thing every single dating site has a emotionally mature normal Available man every site has them Now the reality is is 90 80 percent of people are emotionally dysfunctional Women as well ladies just because you may want a relationship doesn't mean you're any better at relationship than men So let me just be clear as a man who is single out there in the dating marketplace However, where are they? They're on every single site. Where are the men over 65? Well, they're on match.com They're on millionaire match. They're on our time Silver singles just to name a few they're on the swipe applications. They're everywhere The challenge is I think dating apps Because of the swipe feature has bastardized the dating process It's boiled it down to simply about looks and it used to be before dating apps women It's funny. I think women 50 years ago looks didn't matter as much I think dating apps changed it for women. It's all about looks in midlife I think personality used to matter more Well, it's some of like match.com or millionaire match. You can write a whole novel if you want. Yes, that's a good point a lot Um, and that's how I knew Um, if people didn't read my profile all they comment on were looks and then they'll say something Um about something Just having to do with pictures and I'm like this guy didn't even read my profile. Yeah, so But the thing is what but what you're saying is dating profile dating sites like match millionaire match Okay, cube, but at least there's more robustness than the apps themselves and I'm in agreement with that So those are just and then our time silver singles just to name a few. Hey, by the way, I want to give a shout Oh, we got a super sticker here. We've actually had a couple by the way margaret did one Bear with me. I want to thank list for the five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much Uh christian for the super sticker. Thank you so much. We had a question come in. Thanks so much for the ten dollars Well, there's more bear with me everyone Okay, here's another one. Thanks so much for the 19 dollars and nine nine cents super thicker We're so excited to be donating to seeds of love later after the end of this show So it says we have been friends for 17 years and I recently discovered we both have feelings for each other We are comfortable with each other and have shared values any advice on how we should approach this relationship Hmm That depends. Have you both declared that to each other? Well, if they both declared feelings for one another then the question really becomes do we want to explore a relationship together? What does that mean? In other words from a short and long-term perspective, but also what does it look like? I think friends Um become turning it into a romantic thing has I think it has a better success, right? Oh, absolutely You know each other You know, it's I I think the challenge today is we're meeting total strangers oftentimes and well I didn't feel like okay. So in our particular case, we weren't really that good of friends I mean we were social long distance acquaintances long distance acquaintances whom we spoke or who we spoke on the phone together What six seven eight nine times, you know, we were on facebook together But what we did do in that we took the pressure off of romance And actually got to know each other as friends Now this is a 17 year relationship But for those that don't have that much backstory with someone else I'm here to say Developing a bit of familiarity with someone and take the romance off the table. So when then we met We met as two friends meeting right it turned into a date Because there was mutual attraction But wouldn't it be great if we could develop a bit of rapport with someone before we meet So it actually and then in this particular case since there's so much longevity there um I don't know if I told you the story, but I I reconnected with my high school prom date about a year before we met And um and I feel like we had this even though we hadn't seen each other in 30 years There was this history between us now It didn't turn into romantic, but if I had if it had I would have said Would you be open to exploring a relationship with me? I think these are the types of things that should be discussed and then what does that relationship look like so I think everybody's fear though is that it's going to ruin the friendship Okay, does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and um And uh, oh god, what's her name Elaine? Um, they were afraid of ruining the friendship Um, but you know what? I think when two people go into it consciously it doesn't have to ruin the friendship. So love lady L love. Thank you so much for that. I really we really appreciate it. All right. Let's go back here We've got some more questions Uh, we got nana's there. Let's see. We got lisa question Sparks are flying things are starting off casual, but I'm wanting to pull back and he's not making He's not making some efforts Can I save myself from friends? With or turning into the friends with benefits zone uh Well, it sounds to me that it's all based on the physical chemistry And not enough Um The building blocks to developing a real relationship with someone, but this is because ladies Yeah, I think it's really important to establish the rules of engagement I call this the standards or rules of engagement of if you're going to get physically intimate with someone be clear As to what your end game is do you want to live with someone? Do you want to get married? And if you do what are the building blocks to get to that space? If you've listened to my narrative, it's always Social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married That's a narrative. I talk about for people who want partnership people who want casual relationships Don't talk about the relationship Yeah, I think being clear is really important I I've had many friends that go on multiple dates and you know, they're not They're they're not acting like there's someone that wants to settle down So guess what the man is just rolling with it and then they worry like, oh, you know, maybe I Got into this too quickly. Well, yeah, what you really want is a relationship and you're just Going at it that way then and don't assume because I'm sorry I cut you off Don't assume just because you wrote that in your dating profile the guy read it Folks, it's not okay. Even if you wrote it in your dating profile It's important to repeat it over and over and over again now Some dating coaches will tell you that's overkill I'm saying look as dysfunctional as our current dating marketplace is clarity Breeds connection who I just made that up Clarity breeds connection. Okay. In other words, when you're clear You're either going to connect or you're going to disconnect. Yeah, but when it's unclear It's like chaos So be clear about how you're feeling share your feelings about this and see how he responds to that Go I don't want to get into the friends with benefits zone You know, it's it's fascinating how easily though women will fall into the friends with benefits zone Because they're holding hope Yeah, that There are a lot of people that think that you're going to convert that into a real relationship You know friends with benefits happens Like this I think a lot of times to be and it's they're not really friends That's acquaintances With benefits because a guy reaches out to you you connect you hook up and then he doesn't talk to you for a while He reaches out to you you connect you hook up and you're thinking oh, we're dating and I'm like no You're just hooking up. It's it shouldn't even be called friends with benefits anymore It should just be called hooking up because that's what a lot of people are experiencing So to avoid that be crystal clear lisa. Thank you so much for that question All right zen gal writes What do you think about a man who wants to pay for everything? I have a small legal situation He offered me the retainer fee. I refused interesting Well, there are some men who operate from a pure place of generosity And I'm all in favor with those with abundance to share their abundance if people have abundance The reality is is 80 of americans make less than a hundred thousand dollars a year The fact is 80 of americans have less than three months of savings in the bank should something go wrong So not everybody has abundance But for some people who have abundance, it's not generosity. It's control A lot of men with money Use are you laughing because I never took anything from anybody because of that I just didn't feel like anybody owned me that way. Yeah, you know, I even had You know back in the days where I went disco dancing Okay, myself here. Okay There was somebody I saw all the time and one day for christmas. He shows up with this beautiful ring I couldn't take it You know because I thought why I'm how can I accept this? What's he gonna want in return? Okay, because not enough of well, there was no trust built in this dynamic. I saw him there Once a week, okay, but yeah, but it wasn't like he was building a relationship with you. It was nothing romantic Okay, now he could have done that to try to be To sway you romantically. Yeah, or he could have done that as a way to get laid Well, I didn't even kiss him ever. So okay, there was nothing nothing, but maybe that's what he was hoping for Well, he was foreign and I that's the other thing that worried me that that maybe in his culture By giving someone property they own you property. Okay. So I hope that answers your question Again, it could come from a place of generosity or it could come from a place of control but just remember most people don't have the kind of Abundant resources in that particular case. So thank you so much and donna wants to thank us earlier for our question So thank oh, she's thanking Sharon. All right. One of our members from midlife love mastery By the way, there's a link below is just posted a question What does it mean if a man doesn't tell you his last name? I asked a man from millionaire match 17 minutes ago in a text message and still waiting for a reply Oh, we just had that conversation. We just had this conversation. So Okay, I was asking marie. How do you how would you have felt if a guy asked you wanted to say I want to do a background check on you What's your full name? And how did you respond? I wouldn't give it to him Because unless I know this person or you've already met them and assess whether I even want them to know What my name is. Yeah, I'm not going to give it to him just because we're Communicating so I'll be candid with you. I would ask women's last name because I want to look them up on social media Well, and I want to do a google search Well, I felt like if I found out more about them, I'd be better prepared for a date But there is a real risk about giving out your last name and certainly from a man's perspective We have the same risk of giving out our name But the same token Don't you think we should be doing background checks on people dating? I did I would do that If there was somebody that I was already interested in Okay Well, look, I did ask for last names too people because depending on what where I was going to meet them Until I decided that I was going to pick the place and it was yeah Going to be coffee or a glass of wine and that's it and you'd get there ahead of time and buy your own wine I bought my own wine and then I just wanted to see See them walk in by the way and really I want to share something So Marie's strategy well before we met was if she met someone at a restaurant bar type of environment She would get there early and order her own glass of wine And then as you said you would get to see him walking in yeah, okay But there was also you didn't want to be beholden to this person. Right Look, there are people that you meet and you know within two seconds This isn't somebody that you even want to spend half hour with But you know a lot of women who expect that man pay for that glass of wine, but you operated from a different vantage No, and you know if it was somebody really nice that you sat and talked to for a while and Then he might say hey, can I get the next drink or can I get appetizers that sort of thing? So I know we were going off on that but uh coming back to One other thing I want to say it's only been 17 minutes. It's probably been 20 since you posted this, okay That's you know now unless you are having a direct conversation with them You know sometimes it takes I you're the worst text around the planet I mean sometimes she could take hours to return a text So I wouldn't use that as the only thing But it might be say hey look if we're going to meet I'd like to do a background check on you I'd like to see because you're a total stranger to me Now um The tricky part is he's taking a risk to giving out his last name Yeah, well, I I don't think men as much a risk as women do Well, if you're if you live in a home like I once they have your last name they can figure out where you live Um, so that was my fear when I lived in a high rise You know the odds of them finding me were not That good or they couldn't even get into the building but there are a lot of of People that um, I never would have given my last name to yeah Okay, well, I think that answered your question. Thank you so much for that um, let's keep going Let's see nana has another question She says when you're going to when are you going to coach the emotionally constipated man? I do all the time. I started with my son. I'm just kidding. Actually my son is the most evolved man on the planet um I would love to coach men if men came to me and I've had I have coach men before I've even had clients Okay, so Marie knows for a fact I've had clients who have me call their boyfriends and I talk to them I'm like and I very upfront. Look.  I don't say I'm completely on the other person's side But sometimes I grill men. So yes, I have done that nana. So thank you so much Uh zen gal writes I recognize that I have trust issues from the past from a past relationship I'm listening to eight dates, but I need more specific help. Uh, I start pro counseling on thursday any suggestions You know when I think of trust issues I think actually of Healing our past childhood wounds that might come from your mother and father number one But I think trust issues is also not loving yourself. I think there's a I'm gonna guess that she's talking about trusting somebody because she's been betrayed. No, I get that But when you okay folks, I wrote a book called what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book When you genuinely love yourself you actually Operate from a better space of trust because you you're attuned to who you are And you don't give your power away to someone else Trust is about giving the other person your power See no, let me reframe that it can be when you're feeling mistrusting.  That's a good point. Um, so That's just me Um, but you know, we get a lot of people that call and talk about the trust So i'm gonna post right here everyone. I want you to check out something called naked divorce naked recovery Okay, there's the link ask for Adele mention my name. By the way, there's a link in the show notes Okay, Adele was where I went to to do all my healing after my divorce And she is amazing. In fact, if you go through her website and find the testimonials, you'll find my testimonial in there And why i'm bringing this up is because she specifically heals Okay, this is a self love practice here healing your self that relationship So you can begin to trust again because you felt betrayed in a significant relationship So it occurs to me love yourself and do the work Such as naked discover naked divorce naked recovery and there again if you need the link check out the Show notes as well. Okay. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh, oops, let me turn that one off. Okay.  You don't trust marie yet Okay, why would you say that to your audience? Maybe in your compensating for insecurity of being nervous traveler. Oh So Well, no, this is actually a really good point so Even though we've been together for a year we haven't and we've planned some trips together Trust is something that you know for it's not that I don't trust Matter of fact, we talked about this. Do you trust me and you said you trust me I trust her from a fidelity perspective. I trust that she has my best interest I have a core wound that happened in my childhood when it came to travel in particular My parents were from another country and there were times where there was chaos going I'm a little seven-year-old boy traveling with two people that are going and my father in particular Was going through chaos while traveling And as a boy that deeply wounded me and I I've done work on this. It's not like I haven't healed it So it's not it's through the experience of more travel Will more trust begin to develop between the two of us now not to suggest And listen, it's not about blindly trusting you. It's just the more I experience You know how to handle things I'll be better at it just quickly when we were in Colombia like the traffic drove him crazy there because you know it is it was crazy So we're planning another trip and I said, oh, we can run a car. We can go do this that and he went Like what we're gonna rent a car drive I said I've been there. I've done it. It's great And then um go ahead and share it He calls his friend. Oh, you've been there. What do you think?  You take care of it I'm just going to wear a blindfold and you just get us there That's blind trust and I blindly trust her in that way. So thank you for that Oh, let's keep going here Oh Pam says I agree with marie. I wouldn't give my last name right away If I liked them and was sure I was interested then I'd sure give their last name Exactly, you know, here's the thing All right, her last name is right there if this is legit, you know, the funny thing is is our name is out there Yeah, it's out there, but they're gonna have to work to find it. Yeah Well, I do a lot of like I if I have someone's first name and know what they do I can oftentimes find them on linkedin Anyway, uh, but I'm in agreement don't give out last name. Okay, marie. Here's a marie says My husband and I are going through a divorce We seem to be becoming good friends Is it important for us to have an open discussion about what happened that led to the divorce? Do you have something to say? I mean if you're going through a divorce you should know What led to the divorce? I think when two amicable people end a relationship There are the core issues and then there are surface issues um The core issues are probably they're I can't I can only speculate what the core issues But a lot of times people use the surface issues as the core issue like the one man who said I didn't like your round face Some what did he say this was in the beginning of this video, you know, that's the surface issue I think if you can get to the core issue I want to say that some relationships are salvageable. I've worked with couples therapists who have salvaged relationships If two people have real trust with one another, they're conscientious. They're good people They're loving people Even if they're sex life and it could be the sex that shifted the relationship that can be revitalized So again, I think it's important to get to the core issues and just remember a lot of times it's surface Issues I do want to mention again the naked divorce because when um when I went there It was I was going through a divorce and the same situation, but um, She talked about how she doesn't always Recommend people to get divorced some people are not divorced yet and she will tell them This is salvageable and this is how we can do it, but you know, you both have to be on board for this so But yeah, I think it's sad to know that you're getting divorced and you're you don't know why um You know, it's interesting the gotman institute. Um, that's run by um John and julie gotman They can sit with a couple and within 15 minutes Determine if this is couples therapy whether or not this relationship is salvageable If two people treat each other with respect Any relationship is salvageable salvageable and even in cases of infidelity those there are relationships that can be salvaged will So I would check out the naked again in the link below check out naked discovery naked recovery naked divorce So thank you so much the other thing is you you have to be willing to accept That they may say something you're not going to agree with and then things won't be as amicable No Listen, if you can amicably amicably get to the core Who knows maybe have a chance to fight for it. So I wish you all the best on that one. Let's take miss ashley's question Why do younger men seek out women 10 years older than them knowing there is no common thread for I'm assuming that's longevity linger ready, okay Why do younger men seek older women? Do you have an idea? I know I Are you want to hear mine? Yeah, I know well first. What is it? Oh, you know what I'm gonna say. I think so go ahead and share it. Let's go. I'll wait. Okay So, okay a couple things, you know, like if I was in my late 20s right now I'd be going after nothing but women 20 years older. Why because they're hot You don't have to worry about getting them pregnant.  You have the built-in exit clauses. You can say I've decided I want to have children with someone I mean a lot of younger men are frustrated with their own age demographic of young girls young women I should say I shouldn't have said girls. They say young women And they like the maturity of an older woman. Okay, that can be the case now If it's someone in his late 40s dating someone 10 years older I don't see that as much of a difference I'm talking about men in their 20s or early 30s going up 10 or 15 or 20 years of age Oftentimes it's because they don't like the women their own age They've a lot of women look fantastic In their 40s 50s and even 60s and some of the younger guys are like old souls. I just that's true, too I just didn't want to waste my time with younger guys Well, I think there's a fear a lot of women also project their fear when they're with a younger guy Their fear that the guy is going to bolt on him and I when I said that earlier I was talking about 20 and 30 year olds But if a 40 year old man is with someone 10 years older You have to be careful not to let that age Affect the relationship with your own insecurity.  Listen folks. I don't espouse myself to be the most evolved man on the planet I'm just a man. I'm riddled with flaws. So I say that but then I did try to date someone 25 years younger And that turned out to be a disaster. So I'm glad to find someone my own age All right. Thank you so much for that question Uh, let's see what else we have here Bump bump bump bump bump. Oh, let's keep going Got a lot of comments Leslie says I think respect is key. I didn't feel respected by my x H as a partner and sure enough he did try to explore getting back after we were divorced But foundation wasn't healthy enough. Unfortunately again a healthy foundation of respect between two people um, and and again, it's it's about being Really you have to decide if you're gonna divorce amicably going back to the original question that came up I think it's important to talk about the core things that cause the end of the relationship Not the superficial things or the surface things. Yeah, I'm not with a narcissist Okay, but if you're with a narcissist You're probably miserable in that with that person A narcissist doesn't divorce amicably That's true. Okay folks a narcissist will never divorce you amicably.   So it's never am very rarely does a narcissist break up with someone amicably Does that ever happen to anyone? Please let me know Uh, let's see what else Michelle says agree not with a narcissist lol exactly Sharon says 50 year old age women can get pregnant. Yes, that is true, but it's rare Um, and usually women are on birth control at that age not always, but um, but yes, that can happen But again, it's the exception not the rule Okay Catherine says signs a woman is unavailable to a healthy man signs a woman is unavailable to a healthy man I'll give you a couple signs I I'm not attracted to people that have victim consciousness You know, they're always complaining about their past relationships their past partners to me That is probably the number one turnoff Is victim consciousness blaming the news for everything blaming politics for everything Uh blaming their profession blaming their weight whatever blame I'm hearing. That's the biggest turnoff to me You do that? No, okay Uh and michelle says me neither exactly. So thank you so much. Um, do we have any more questions? It lists says when a narcissist has someone waiting in the wings He will be as sweet as apple pie and give you a nice alimony amount if he wants to get rid of you Is that real? No, that's not true. He'll still try to screw you over No, I mean if well if he wants to get rid of you, it's got to be a true narcissist I just can't picture the big no, I mean A lot of them. It's how how dare you want to leave me? Yeah, I just can't I I mean Again, if they have something waiting on the wings, I think a narcissist is going to try to Because he doesn't want to pay alimony. That's just my listen. Oh, by the way tomorrow, I'll be bringing on Dr. Roberta Schiller to talk about toxic relationships with narcissists. So that's a great question to bring up tomorrow Oh, we had a question come in. I think I'll wrap up with this question folks. I had a question come in Sharon wrote the following into my office and says, okay, jonathan. I live in Southern california orange county almost every couple I see now in real life online or in cosco Everywhere is almost always between an asian woman and a caucasian man I also see many caucasian women of all ages Seemingly permanently single with no chance of finding a partner No matter how much advice you give and no matter how many videos this situation simply is Unsustainable at least for a caucasian female population Statistically many of them will not find partners and this is a fact that starts from birth Sure, sure if they're extremely attractive like your partner They may might be able to buck the statistics, but for the majority They marry very well likely remain single throughout their lives. By the way, many asian women also Remains single because there are simply too many trying to date caucasian men The only solution of course is caucasian women to date asian men, but I very rarely see that so forth and so on folks Sharon I want to say something to you You happen to live in an air my suspicion is you live in an area of orange county known as garden grove Which is a high population of asian people number one number two Yes, some men like asian women. We were talking about this. Why do some men like asian women? Well, you know It's I think it's a matter of taste, but some of these women are a lot More subserv you can say the word subservient subservient submissive Um overly agreeable No, and they they've been conditioned to take care of their men and and So I I have a friend that likes little petite asian women. That's that says what okay So we watch crazy rich asian and those women don't seem like that Okay, first off that is a stereotype, but I think that stereotype is beginning to change but for some men They actually feel and this is not me saying this This is what I've observed a lot of men feel like american women act way too entitled They're argumentative. They're critical. They criticize men. They lack appreciation And some men go out and seek women from other cultures because those women Are appreciative of the men they're with Because in their culture, they don't receive that So just recognize that there are some circumstances that this will happen now when she said caucasian women are at a disadvantage It doesn't matter what heritage nationality religion you are The dating marketplace is messed up for those of us in midlife And what I mean by messed up is we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality There is a significant percentage of men and women like who are wounded from their childhood They're wounded from their adult traumas. They have terrible emotional IQ. That's a fact In addition as people age, they don't take good physical care of themselves And the problem is there's a lot of 50 year old men and women that are dating with 25 year old eyes They want to date what they remember and not where they're at today. That's another factor to consider This is why when I work with by the way, I get calls from clients all the time Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy and I know the difference Is because this is dating is a screening Out process, but it's also screening in process as well. It's about vetting It's about filtering and let me just say this The odds are against you I'm going to agree and it has nothing to do with looks because a lot of attractive women get used Oh, I mean they get shit on by men a lot So, I mean they get they they are approached by men more often But those men can be jerks and assholes too What's going to happen to put your odds in your favor is learning Intentionality learning radical honesty learning laying your cards on the table learning the rules of engagement This is all what I teach in my private coaching and by the way, there's a link below The schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you If you want to put the odds in your favor, you're going to have to learn way better dating techniques in my opinion Do you agree I agree. Well, thank you You know, it's interesting When I review my coaching program everything I teach you inherently learned on your own That's why you didn't need my help. Yeah a lot when you've gone through my coaching You've seen how what you did prior what you learned on your own is what I teach If you don't have the skills Then I would say work with myself or another coach who can teach you better dating skills I did want to mention another thing. So um Adele from naked divorce naked recovery or discovery It's recovery She also offers she calls it a clarity call. So if you go to the website and You know look around if you you can talk to her about her program and she she will talk to you I like clients going to Adele first Then coming to me and by the way mention my name mention Marie's name use the link I have here I like that because when a client comes to me better prepared They actually attract a better quality guy after going through a program like Adele's all right, um Athena says I don't see many asian women sunbathing like white women Is that true? I don't know if you go to the philippines. I think they're out in the sun all the time But you know the 90 day fiance there's a lot of them that are asian women. Really? You know men go there to find okay, you know, here's the bottom line You can create a story of why you don't have what you want or you can rewrite the story How you're going to get what you want if you want a significant relationship Where you feel a sense of chemistry with one another you feel that you can communicate with one another that you Share the same values that your lifestyles are blendable with one another Then you have to be intentional in the process stop sitting back in your feminine energy and waiting the guy to claim you Take charge of your relationship destiny. That's what I invite every woman to do well this this Person that said that to you. I I just think that she's trying to find reasons why she's not Okay, so yes, we can point the finger somewhere else and not look inward How much true effort are you putting in to attracting the kind of relationship that you want? You can use that anything. I mean you can say oh they only like blondes in orange county Well, I was watching remember that show we're watching Match me abroad and the woman says I live in new york. There's no good men in new york There's probably only like 20 million people that live in new york.  By the way, is she in columbia? I think trying to find a guy By the way, there's a new show. We just started to watch it's on discovery. It's called Huh, you started I start watching it's called match me abroad Much like the show that was copied by my friend who was in love Love without borders, but anyway, we'll start talking about match me abroad in the next coming. Okay And lastly, what do healthy men want? We will talk about that one more time I'm going to share what they are for everybody. What did I write down? respect, what was it Respect appreciation physical touch acceptance easy going chill and agreeable. That's what healthy men want besides just looks Yes And by the way, Marie thankfully gives me all of that and an abundance of more. So thank you so much, sweetheart Okay, we're going to wrap up this video as we always do first off I'm going to get my sweetheart a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow hugs Can I get one back? Absolutely Thank you so much folks. I hope you have found value in the five surprising things men want more than your beauty um I want to thank miss ashley and our facebook group and michelle and catherine and Sharon and lana and uh lisk and ethina and jojica and uh christen and leaf and deedy and all those that contributed to the seeds of love again If you want to donate in these last few seconds There's a dollar sign the chat box all the money's from tonight's show is going to go to the seeds of love Which is donating to a cause where children who have been abandoned by their parents for having A terminal disease. I'm going to be donating all the money tonight to that charity as soon as Probably in the next couple days. So thanks so much for watching. We hope you have a fab evening. Be well Bye now