I'm so excited to be here today. First of all, thank you all for braving the elements. I mean, it's main after all, it's like we all made it, so that's fantastic. I have just been in this sort of Catherine Marie Coma for the past few days. I've already had so many conversations with her. I think this is sort of redundant to me. If she hadn't shown up today, that's not gonna happen. I could have just conceded this whole and everything by myself. I guess probably we should start. I will just very quickly introduce myself and then I'm gonna ask Catherine to introduce herself and just give a brief synopsis of this beautiful, beautiful book. My name is Elizabeth Pepe and I am a main, importantly, writer. Those of you who have been around a while may best know me by my columnist, from Casper Bigley, in the Bollarder, my favorite columns. So one more recently, my mother in the show, my mother's clothes are not my mother. There's been a whole bunch of stuff in between, but that's sort of the hook end of my career. I have just finished after the book version of the show and I'm very interested to compare some of my sort of Catherine when we get into the conversation, but first of all, I'd just like to turn it over to Catherine for a moment. I just let her introduce herself and the book. Thank you. I hope we're coming. Please make sure you're writing. Right. My name's Catherine Murray. Thank you all for coming. I'm very honored to be here with Liz and be here at the library with you all. So synopsis of the book. Sure. Yes. So it's a story of when I first, a long time ago, went to Thailand to teach English in a refugee camp and I lived there about a year and I fell in love with a local man and we got married and had three kids. And then we're living quite the idyllic life on the banks of the Mekong, running bicycle tours and eating mangoes and sticky rice and pad thai and green curry and with a huge extended family and whole neighborhood of people eager to help us parents. So it was really a wonderful life. And then quite suddenly out of the blue, my middle child at right after his fifth birthday was diagnosed with a very rare form of leukemia. So the story, the book is really a story of going from that life to living with his illness and ultimately being with him until his demise. Well then, all right. We're taking none out of the Easter. Here we go. Did that work? Yeah. Okay. Much better. Great. How about this? Testing testing, one, two, three. I mean, really, I can just do this. I teach public speaking, so I can do that. I'm not going to. Let's do that. I guess maybe a great place to start is talking about how somebody takes such, I mean, I can't even begin to fathom the depth of this tragedy and how I want to take something like this and frames it into a story that you can put on the page. I mean, I guess the starting point is where did you begin? Well, I think, you know, that's something I had to ask myself in recent years when I was trying to make it into a story, but really I started at the very beginning. For me, I think what helped me survive going through such a difficult experience. And I want to say that I don't think tragedy really applies for me. To me, the word tragedy has more to do with like genocide and incest and just really sort of horrific unnatural things. And the death of a child is incredibly painful, but it's not completely outside the realm of human normalcy. So I think it's a really, you know, a very difficult thing. But in order to live through that, I feel like I sort of made it into story every day for myself in the sense that I needed to write every day. I needed to journal. That was really how I handled the emotions or survived the emotions.  So much of the book is just the journal. And then it was in, after he died, I knew I wanted to become a book. I wanted to share his story and I wanted to reach out to other grieving parents and articulate what I think can be so hard for us to articulate, which is the grief and the pain. But going from journal to memoir was another story that was hard. So that for that, I tried to do it by myself for about 10 years. I kept every now and then I would take out these hundreds and hundreds of pages of journal and think, all right, how do I make this into a book? And it was always just so overwhelming. I just couldn't, I would just become reimbursed in all the pain of the time and give up. So finally, I went to, I went for professional help and I went to the Stone Coast MFA program, which is a wonderful program here in Portland. It's a low residency program, two years with amazing faculty and peers. And for that, I only had to turn in 18 pages at a time so I could go through the journals and pull out 18 pages that I could handle. I guess, you know, talking about this because I have taught memoir before, it was actually called memoir. They didn't know what to do with it back 20 something years ago. And when I had my students come, I actually just this past Saturday did a workshop called How to Frame a Life. And to me, this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks, hurdles, downfalls of people who've tried to deal with their own personal stories. They don't know how to get in and they don't know how to get out and they don't know how to narrow their focus. And the thing that struck me so much about this beautiful book is how narrow and lean it is. And I guess, following in the structure thing is how you were able to decide, for example, there's almost no backstory. And we have no idea who you are. You've just graduated from college from Boomi Land in Thailand. And that's basically, every once in a while you lived up the bail.  I was in an affluent subject. Fred Flintstone was my best friend. Actually, Merv Griffin was my best friend. So we have to share some, you know, common after-school activity here.  But there's almost no mention of your history or your family. And when one is telling a story this deep, I mean, how did you make that choice to eliminate everything that happened until you landed on Thai soil? Well, it's funny because the land you on Thai soil really was the backstory for me. Because for me, when I wanted to write the book, the most alive part of the story for me was those last few months before his death when we lived up on the top of the mountain with no running water and electricity. And it was just very bare bones. And for me, that was the story. And I enjoyed with just having that be the story. You know, just those few months. But I had some good advice from my mentor, Rick Bass, who's an amazing writer. And he said, we need to know more. We need to know the story. So I had to go back and create all that and figure out how much to put it. But that felt like, to me, that felt like too much, you know, to go all the way back. And I think also one thing that was hard to figure out as a writer was what order to go in. Originally, I had thought, oh, we should start with something really grabby, you know, like the funeral, let that show you the opening scene. And Rick was adamant that if the story is good enough to stand on its own regular, you know, just chronological order is enough. You don't need to do any flashy jumping around in time stuff, just once upon a time, the end and straight through. Well, that was another thing that struck me because, again, when I have students come to me and guilty is charged, they try to overcomplicate the story, you know, and very often the first thing I'll do to a manuscript when I'm working with someone is disrupt that linear chronology.  And, you know, yes, started in a flashing moment or started in a moment of crisis and then pulled the camera back. But the thing that really, again, struck me about this book is how clean and uncomplicated the story was. I mean, almost episodic, you know, again, the very first thing I say is don't get into this happened and that happened and this happened and that happened and then this happened and then that happened, which is exactly what you did with this book. And yet it was the perfect vehicle for the story because that just that simple structure had this much level of remove that made it bearable. That made it bearable maybe for you to tell the story, but also for a reader.  I knew, and it's Chan. Chan was dying. I knew, I mean, no spoiler alert here.  I'm so excited to have this good cry. And I didn't cry.  And as you say, natural. I felt transported to that moment safely, which was again the art of the way that you constructed this memoir. So good mentoring. But it's also very artfully created.  And it's so beautifully constructed. And the thing, I guess maybe what I would love you to talk about a little bit more is the title and how that, because I felt there was so much of this and so much of this in the book. And those two contrasts, again, talking about structure. Now you see the sky. So the title of the poem is... When Chon was born, he was born at home. Our house in Thailand, which is in kind of a big village, but very cheap by jiao with all the other houses. And so I was in labor at home and making lots of noise. And the neighbors, the next day, one of the neighbor women came over and said, oh, I thought somebody was drunk over here. I felt a shouting. But yeah, so he was born at home that night. And then the next morning, and his, my ex-husband's mother, my ex-mother-in-law had been there through the whole thing as well as our close friends and family. And so the next morning when we were talking to the new baby and just being so happy to have him there and how you do with the baby.  So she said, like, here you are. You've arrived with us. You're out here. And now you can see the sky. And I just, that just struck me in that moment. It's such a beautiful thing to say to a newborn. Human being, so. Right. And yet in the contrast, there is so much. I mean, to me, that's the open expanse of coming into the world. And yet there's. Is that better? There's so much womb imagery. Like, I feel like everything that happens in the interiors, especially you're hot up in the mountains.  And it is cocooning and wombing. And yet when you go out into the, I mean, again, I don't, this is no spoiler alert, but after Chan dies, the first, not the first thing, but when you finally rouse yourself. And I just thought that this was such a beautiful, natural moment, is that Catherine goes out into the hillside and there's a big gibbous moon kind of hanging over the hillside. And she nails all the scooches down in peas and how the earth drinks up her pee. And she's looking at that moon and she says, every time I see a moon like that from now on, that's going to be my life. And to me, it was another birth.  It just, again, because in her hand, her craft in her hand, it just, everything felt so natural. And now I have to jump back and say, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say tragedy. That was a whole lesson of the book. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so Western. I'm so Western, I'm sorry. Because you made everything feel so natural and that contrast between the light and the dark and the womb and the sky and the river taking, taking John away, all of those artful things that made this a journey. And you referred to his leaving us as a journey. I think we were there with you. And that doesn't happen by accident. That happens by craft and beautifully done. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yes, there's definitely craft. There's definitely purposeful use of things. I also want to say to the writers that trust is subconscious. I almost always wrote very, very early in the morning when I first woke up, woke up. So a lot of those things like you said, it opens with death by water and ends with death by water. I didn't realize that until you just said that just now. So I just want to say that as a writer, I guess I put a lot of faith into what my mind gives me without a lot of, if you can manage to find a place where you're open to your subconscious and to what the urges are that make you write, be on the honoring of that and really be true to that. Because it works out well when you're able to really listen. Well, sometimes we don't know what we're saying until somebody else tells us what we just said. So that works out nicely. I guess one of the other things that I was so struck by was the contrast of cultures. And that you definitely, even in initially Chan's treatment, we're half Western and half Thai. I mean, you wanted to honor the land that you were living in and your husband's family's customs and what they wanted to do. And yet the minute they said the C word, you rushed back to Seattle. I would just like to offer a contrast, because one of the things that I was noting as I was reading the book is every step that you made, everything that you did was with the temple of time and earth and naturalness. Whereas in the Western world, everything that we do about death, we have to stop it. Losing somebody is, as you said in the book, it's a battle. I just think about my mother's decline in death. We just kept one ER visit after the other, one mini-stroke, one AR, I mean, it's just like one thing after they aren't pumping her back to life and pumping her back to life, going, going, you have to sustain, you have to just sustain. And at one point I asked in the book, did we save her to death? Because we could not let her go. And yet the whole, again, this launching that you do of your son, that at some point you say enough, let's go home. And what the family does is they make beautiful food that they grow in the papayas and the greens and the juices and the rainwater that they drink. And everything is so gentle. And in Western society, we don't usher people out well. We stick them to death before they go. And you really gave this, it was a launching and so beautiful. And I guess you do this beautifully on the page, but perhaps you could talk a little bit about that internal culture. I wouldn't say war, but conflict. So had there been any hope that we could have kept him alive with whatever difficult, challenging, non-natural way, we certainly would have. But the doctors in Seattle, when they said, all right, he's relapsed, he's not going to survive another more than two or three months, then we said, OK, we're going to go back to Thailand and try to save him with trying to fight the cancer with more natural traditional Thai ways, which is nutrition and exercise and meditation, thinking and a lot of juicing, mechandises of vitamins. So it was almost a blessing, I think. I mean, if he was going to die, it was good that we were told by the American doctors, there's nothing at all we can do. So then we were free to go ahead back and take care of him, as best we could, using much more gentle ways. But yes, it was a struggle. It was very hard for me to not give up, to not. I think there was so much authority in what the doctors told us in Seattle after he relapsed when they said he's not going to survive. He's going to die within a couple months. Just really went in. I thought, that's it, what they say is the truth. And it took me some time to recognize that nobody can predict the future, no matter how many medical degrees you have. And no matter what you've seen, anything is possible. And the human body is always recreating itself, cell by cell. So I had to really teach myself to become not just a positive thinker, but just to really wake up each morning and say, it's a new day. We can fight. We can keep at this battle and not give up. Because there was part of me that wanted to say, well, the doctor said, this is it. I'm just going to be very kind of calm and intellectual and explain to my child to prepare for death. But there was something in me as a mother that knew that that was not OK, that I really had to fight for him. Even though that struggle between those two places was almost excruciating, in the sense of, I mean, keeping hope alive was somehow more difficult for me than just wanting to cave in and be a victim. Which sounds really weird, because of course I didn't want to lose my child. But the hope was painful, because it's like, I had to be so hopeful. And yet, always in the back of my mind, knowing this might not happen, he could die. Does that make any sense? Oh, of course it does. Sorry, I didn't get it. No, I know. And I guess I'm coming into the candor of the book, because you think about a woman mother who has a child with cancer, and she's a hero.   And it's innervating, and all of those things.  But it's not any fun. And you make that very, and again, that's what's so nice about this book, is that there's so much candor in it that she's not saying, oh, I got up in the morning, it's such a pleasure to be able to obey my saying. It's like, would you stop crying for five minutes so I can not scream? And I guess, again, making those choices about what to share with the reader, we all want to be the likable narrator. We all want people to admire us and think well of us. The whole basis of my book and show is that I sucked.  I wasn't the greatest character in the world, but I tried and I did my best. And you were awesome. And there's nothing showing up, it's like, look at what a fantastic caregiver is, because she's complaining a lot of the time about everything that she's doing, but figuring out what you're gonna share with the reader so that it doesn't feel like, look at me, cancer mom, but also it's like, this is so hard. Yeah, it was, and yeah, I have to think about how to respond. I mean, I think that one thing that helps that voice and that portrayal of oneself is I try to err on the side of more scene than reflection in the book. I try to just be true to this is what happened and being very specific about sensory details and trying to have less mind chatter. I mean, it's definitely in there, my reflections. I think the fact that it was journal, those reflections really happen. Say probably most of the reflective stuff in the book is moment to moment, you know, stuff that I recorded as I was thinking, like I was thinking out loud. So it's like I didn't have space between now and here to kind of, you know, embellish that. Does that make any sense? So it's very authentic. Right, right, and I mean, sometimes when somebody's putting together a piece like this and you have that raw emotion on the page because you were journaling, I'm sure you probably were able to expunge a lot of the emotion when you were actually going back and looking at it and saying, okay, and one of the things that I was saying to my writing students is, you know, get whatever you have to get down on the page. The work starts when you start editing and you look at those lines and you say, is this for me or is this for the reader? And understanding, I had to write these lines maybe to get to this next line, but the reader doesn't need to see them. And I guess, again, what I'm feeling with this book is that there's, you have so much faith in your reader that you don't have to explain a lot by showing us through your actions. One of the most moving passages in the book is one of the most mundane, is when your mother-in-law makes the sun-dried bananas. And it's not the act. It's your devotion to depicting the act of what she does. It's a page and a half.  Can you talk about the way that you use time to accelerate and slow down and bring the reader to a stasis? I think, you know, it's about those moments that happened that were so essential. Like that moment happened just before it's death, I think just a day or two before it was kind of his last favorite meal. So her making those was incredibly important to me. So for some reason, you know, just as a creative act, I just, I had to really watch every moment of her making that. And I think it was such, it was so much the way she expressed love for him. You know, she didn't talk much, but this woman who did this had so much love for my son. And I think that means so much to me and meant so much to me that I needed to follow her, to be with her as she was making that last meal for him, which I was too exhausted and overwhelmed with two other small children to even think about. You know, in the book I say, he'd been asking you for days, mom, I really want sun-dried bananas. I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever. It's got the time. But, you know, our friend listened and she did it. Right, there's another passage that I just adored was when you were in Seattle, I believe, and you take a moment out on the balcony. It's right when you're deciding the chance to go home and there's a construction site across the way. Could you just describe that a little bit what that moment was like and what you were seeing? Because again, just to set it up is, you know, we're understanding the framework of cancer and the cancer cells. It's almost to me like you're looking into these cells across the way that are alive and drumming with you. So this was a scene when we first went back to Thailand after we had been told that, you know, he had relapsed and he wasn't going to make it. We went back to Thailand and then there is a slight chance after a bone marrow transplant of something called graft versus host disease, which is after you've had a transplant if there's sort of a battle inside and if the new marrow can win out over the original marrow, then there's a chance that the patient will survive. So the doctors actually have to let this illness kind of rage and it's dangerous because it can be fatal and then they swoop in at the last minute with steroids to stop the struggle. So he was in the midst of this. It was 21 days in the hospital in Bangkok with he couldn't eat anything because he had all this digestive stuff. So he just had, I don't know, whatever feeding tube and he was pretty miserable because he couldn't eat. He would groan in his sleep, sticky rice, sticky rice. So it was a rough 21 days in the hospital. But we did, we were at the 7th floor in Bangkok and we had this balcony. So a lot of times I would go out and at one point I was standing out there at night and in Bangkok it's a huge bustling city and it's hot, so things are exposed. There's a construction site across the way and I'm just sort of describing watching the construction workers moving and someone's downstairs in their kitchen and I can see the spoons stirring in the wok and what I got to by writing that passage which so many things, the reason I write is because I learned things as I write. But as I was writing about that as I just felt moved to write about that I realized by the end of writing it that there are just thousands and thousands of other lives around me that write and view all these apartments and all of those lives, people have suffering, people have tragedy, people have illness and death and it really gave me a sense of perspective. Like this is just one more little story in this big huge world. So again it's like it's not that unnatural to be going through something really difficult. It's what, it's the human condition and it wasn't especially difficult event but that's what happened in life. Well yes and I think that you make a good point there. I use and probably anybody that works in creative nonfiction uses a book called Situation and the Story by Vivian Gornick and if anybody is interested in my more writing you definitely have to pick up this book because it's such an instructive way to enter your story and as I was thinking in terms of this book, in terms of situation and story basically the situation is a woman's, a family's child has cancer and is going to die and that's the situation. The story is what you do with that and the story is the journey that you take the reader on to tell us that story and that's where it's, you know what again when you're dealing with topics that are like this they automatically evoke an emotion. I mean you don't even have to, you don't have to say anything else. The boy, the six year old's child died of cancer. You already have this evocative reaction from a prospective reader but it's not enough that because that is just the situation then lots of children die of cancer and a lot of people die of other things and there are tragedies and there is suffering everywhere so it's taking it, it's taking it above the situation what the event, the launching event is and where the author takes that reader and it is really through the life and the death the birth, the life and the death which you cite at the end of the book which is so interesting because you are framing it up for everyone because it's inevitable, it's all out there for all of us that this is just the natural bookend. You know my child was born, he lived and now he's going to die and you make that such a matter of fact story that even someone as removed as a Westerner who doesn't share in the medical decisions that other people might have made it's like everything seemed inevitable in your story by the way that you were so natural about relaying it and that is to me the threat that you pulled out of this event in your life that makes it not about the event it makes it about humanity and did you feel that as you were trying to lift this story up or was it really I just have to talk about what happened with me and my son? I think it's a bit of a combination I think lifting it up and making it about humanity is what is art, right? So I think trying to take what I'd written and be sure that it was art, be sure that it wasn't just us like drag everybody down with a really sad story is something that's where craft comes in and that's where it's universal because you're talking about specific specific sensory scenes that everybody can relate to in some way so I guess yeah my answer is sort of like that it's a mix of those two things that art makes it accessible to everyone. Does that make any sense? Yes, sure and then I guess to piggyback on that because we're talking about the subject matter and the subject matter in the promotional materials that I read about the book would have been otherwise off-putting to the publishing point, to editors and maybe you can tell a little bit about the journey of getting this book published because that seemed very interesting too. So the book originally I went to Stone Co's wanting to have my thesis be the book and I said I want to finish this book and when it was time to have the thesis read I had my first reader and I had to choose a second reader and because I had kind of gotten behind the eyeball there weren't any second readers left at school so I had to go outside and I contacted an author that I had taken workshop from years before Ann Hood and you all might be familiar with her. She's a prolific writer and she had a daughter die at age six I believe suddenly and she wrote a grief memoir, a very short one called Comfort which is just a wonderful book. Anyway she was my second reader and when she read the thesis she said this has to be a book, I want this to be a book and for years she had planned to start an imprint specifically aimed at grief and loss because the publishing industry is notorious for saying no to grief stories. They say oh people don't want to be depressed and you know it's too sad and there are lots of theories about why that is but she said this is enough is enough I want to see this published so she went to Akashic Books and said I want to start an imprint that is all focused on grief and loss and I want Catherine's book to launch the imprint so that's how that started and now you know and I think it is so important you know a lot of us who have experienced loss have been you know well-meaning friends give us books about grief and healing but so often they're sort of like psychology how to step by step things and for most of us that I've talked to they just don't resonate you know what you need is you need real stories real emotions, real experiences of people where you can cry you know people often ask me well can you recommend books what did you read after Chanda and I can only say poetry you know there just was except for Anaheim's book Comfort that was really helpful but I don't know there's some you need literature I think in really hard times not how to but at least most of the some people. Before I respond to that I just want to look up to the audience to all aspiring writers don't get your hopes up don't think that you're gonna write a book and an author is gonna say I'm gonna start an imprint because I want to see that published that's pretty miraculous that is I mean and it's a testament to the beauty and the power of this book but what I wanted to say was I think that we're scared to talk about grief and mourning and again you know in our sanitized Western culture people want you to get over it people you know we want to look at everything with a timeline it's like okay this event happened here you go through that you go through that you go through that and then it's over on with life and as someone who lost her beloved dad of a heart attack boom gone when I was 26 he was 64 I was the first of my adult friends to lose a parent I sort of felt like I was the pathfinder you know when our our parents and family started going my friends looked to me because I was I had already started to forge that trail and I've always been looking for literature I the books that I the genre is called mourning memoir and there's a lot of it out there but it's also sometimes imbued with agenda you know somebody wants to settle the score or wants to show themselves in the martyred caregiver light and caregiving as anybody who's ever taken care of anyone knows is it is a very mixed emotional bag without one or the other emotion going that I remember hearing an interview with an author when I was taking care of my mother and he was talking about his elderly father and he said some days I hate him some days I love him I want him to live forever I want him to die tomorrow you know that somebody could say that out loud all of a sudden I was like you can say that you can say that and you say that it more or less in turn you know and for us those of us you know dealing with someone who's elderly and going to go the time is right to actually be able to say that out loud about a child and that was again something that just like sprang up out of your book was that a revelation for you that you could feel that way well no because you know it's so hard as you all know caregiving is so hard so I was so exhausted and also so hard to see that the patient is much pain you know to see my son suffering so much so my mind was always jumping back and forth but you know like I need to keep my heart you know no it's better if he dies he's so happy you know it's always trying to figure that out so I don't know I think I'm in writing book I just again you know starting out as a journal I didn't I didn't ever write any of it thinking anyone would ever read a word of it so it was easy to be really honest because I didn't plan on it ever being read but then you know later when it was time to publish I went ahead and shared that because that's that's I felt like it just showed how hard it was and I don't think anybody would you know think that I love my child less but then I felt like it might be right for him to die but it took you know it it's 14 took 12 years between his death until the book was written so there's no way that I probably could have felt comfortable saying that within the first 10 years you know it was 12 years of crying and and grieving really I mean it worked really hard grieving in those 12 years not just with the writing which which was hard and a way of grieving but also just just crying with with loved ones and patient friends and it was that grieving and that healing I think that allowed me to be comfortable saying I wanted my child to die because it was so hard because I didn't like to see him suffer right but you actually even confess I want this be over for me too which again you know that that's that's it's one thing to say I want somebody to go because I want to end their suffering it's another thing to confess I want I want this to be over for me too I can't do this anymore and I remember sitting in parking lots of nursing homes and hospitals and you know with my head on the steering wheels I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore and we can and we do it doesn't mean that we want to we don't want that but saying those words out loud again just sprung up off the page to me as such an act of courage and candor because that's the reaching out it's not I'm sad because my son's dying that that takes no courage but saying I'm tired of doing this and I wanted to go for him but I wanted to go for me too and even if it was in a moment and then you say I mean because again later you say well I'm like glad he's gone no I mean you know would I rather have him still be here suffering just a little bit less yes but we don't get to make that choice so in stacking stacking the narrative that way I think it just again opened up so much humanity to anybody who would read that book and again probably why I didn't I didn't cry I just I maybe I felt your relief I mean and there's lots of tears in this book everybody and this is the beautiful thing is that in that culture from everything that I you know gleaned out of that book is emotions are everywhere when you have your your when you have Cody your first child how long do you get taken care of yeah like that good month or something right a whole month a whole month it's like oh she had a child you stop we'll do everything for a month that's happened to everybody out here just have children right that's how the world works over here but it's the same thing with with losing with the losing John everybody just came in and took over yeah that I mean I felt really lucky to be in a culture where those structures were so clearly in place you know what happens when someone dies the community stepped in and and totally took charge and I didn't have to do anything except be there to you know remember my son it's interesting though you know they're the structural things that are very helpful in grieving but then there is this other parts of it whether they were very much not helpful to me so I was told that it was the morning he died it was the first day of the funeral and I was sitting next to his body with his father and his brothers and and I keep crying you know tears keep falling and I had neighbor after relative after cousin tell me stop crying don't cry you know you're gonna upset him they're gonna upset the spirit you're gonna and and that was not helpful you know that for me as an American is the way I needed to grieve was not like that so it's you know it's a mixed it's not like everything was wonderful and fabulous about being in another culture but I did really appreciate those you know the parts of the structure can you talk a little bit about going up to the old pire I don't know you know what I feel like I want people to kind of I feel like people have to be sort of led into those especially like tender moments I mean I'm okay to talk about it but I feel like I would rob people of their getting there and I understand that well I have but then let's talk a little bit about your your solace through this I felt that there was you were so isolated and so alone in your I mean even within your marriage that it felt this felt like such a solo journey and yet there were these moments like you're calling your your Melissa or whoever it was and having you know these phone conversations and you use the expression of letting them take off your and hold your arm of courage can you talk a little bit about the moments of solace in this so one thing that I did when things were really hard because I you know we're up on this mountain top I didn't really have any close friends but I did have a cell phone and I could get reception if I hiked up to the top of this mountain near our cabin and so I would call a friend in Seattle and and she would I would cry and you know we take turns I would talk she's also a mom so I would talk and then she would talk but but yeah I described it in the book as a moment of being able to take off that armor of courage you know that when I was the mother I couldn't break down you know you know that's how it is when you're a caregiver when you're a parent you have to be the one who's staying strong and but in those moments I could really I could just stop and say the unspeakable you know like you know I'm afraid he's gonna die or these things that I couldn't say in my family and and it just was so helpful to have a mother another mother there who could listen to me and kind of be the one to to say I know you're strong and we can handle this but go ahead right now it's your time to be a mess so that was really helpful interesting in in mothering I was on my my non-sodding Sunday I actually listened to a public radio program called on being I don't know it's yes and it felt like all of these things that were happening in your world were now kind of swirling around me I just that the guests were a married couple Glennon Doyle and her wife Abby Womback who was an Olympian soccer player but they were talking about parenting and I just want I want to read this because it feels so much in in concert with everything that you talked about taking care she sits in this was Glennon we say all the time with our kids everything's a pattern it's first the pain then the waiting then the rising over and over and over again and then we skip the pain and when we skip the pain we just never get to this rising we got this parenting memo that everything would be okay if we just never let anything bad ever happen to our children ever as long as they gave us the babies we're like take her home and just never let a human being have it never let being human happen to this child don't let anyone ever frown at her don't let her lose anything don't let a drop of rain fall into her head and then everything will be fine it took me till my kids were 10 to figure out the parenting parenting memo was complete BS and that we don't let our kids fail we don't let our kids feel they don't learn to learn how to become human one of my greatest challenges in my personal life and in my parenting is to just look at my kids and say I'm not going to protect you from this I'm going to let you fail here I'm going to let you feel that yes life is that hard it's hard to be human and I'm not going to grab that from you and that's how I it was as though you were sitting there talking to me about getting John his death that you didn't take it away from him that you didn't protect him from it that you accompanied him with it but you let him have it and own it and and take it out in his all his pain and all his suffering you let him have that and to me that seems like the greatest leap of faith that a mother could possibly have I don't I don't I don't know how you were able morally to do that I mean I just kept saying she's so brave she's so brave did it feel brave at the time no I think though as a parent I always did agree with that I found really clear that you cannot we as all we want his parents is to protect our children that's the most important thing but we can't and it was always very clear to me that I couldn't protect them from bad things happening but I could be there for them to process when bad things happened or you know so I think that was just so ingrained in me by the time he was sick and dying was that I was only there you know to witness what he was going through and to allow him space to have feelings about it well I think again that's where the book uplifted for me then when we came to that moment where you let him go and with that you let us go that the reader go and it was it was hopeful as as heartbreaking as that moment was you gave us hope hope in saying this is part of nature this is part of what we're doing and we show the love by letting go I'd like to ask you about your experience sharing your story both with people directly and through the book I've spent a lot of time but always in the West photographing children who are about to die young children or have died or stillborn and what's striking is that these parents who are in utter grief become the consolers of them who of those who hear the news when I tell people my mother who's 92 was in the hospital last week and she's out now well that happens when I told them that my four-day old was in intensive care many years ago that can't be it's not possible I have no space to look to to accommodate that and when you said that you know all of us are going through tragedies the the severe illness or the death of a young child is a tragedy that at least in the in the West rises to be a different kind of an event an event that's that's never supposed to happen and we don't know how to make space for it I don't know what it was like for you thank you for that observation I just wanted to make a comment I've only read about quarter of the book so far but I'm not a person that feels like I'm very good with words but I can certainly resonate to people that write and in reading what I've read so far I do feel like I'm being carried along with that you know along with you the images the smells you know that what I'm hearing what I'm seeing my imagination I feel like I'm right in there and even though I know someone where the book is going I trust that I'll be able to take that journey because of what I've read so far it's going to be a difficult yet kind of journey thank you addresses it but how did his brothers go through this journey is it throughout the book that's a good question no the book really ends a hundred days after his death so I guess if you ask how they went through the journey of the book they were they were aware that he had an illness he could die from you know we tried not to candycoat that but we also wanted to you know we didn't want to put the idea into their heads that your brother's going to die so that was a really I think I do address that in the book that that was a really hard path for me to walk where where that line is and that's something that you know I talked to hospital oncologists and doctors and children's hospitals and and that's such a live issue you know people always want to know how do we how do we handle that I just want to ask if Buddhism has played a role in your life or in the story yeah that was that was a big gift when I first moved to Thailand right after college I started reading about ninety some percent of people in Thailand are Buddhists it's part of the school name in the government and so I started to study Buddhism and I and as soon as I started learning about this idea of mindfulness and trying to stay present and not getting lost in future thoughts and past I thought it sounded really intelligent so I started meditating I started a practice of meditation at that point so by the time Chan was ill I had really internalized to a very helpful degree the idea that we can't control the future that we have to the best way to live is to buy is to be as present in the moment as possible not that any good at that and at it but at least I knew I was supposed to do that and and I think that was a huge a huge help because because I so often when I was in the throws of fear and terror and worry I would just remind myself okay there's nothing I can there's no point in being lost here just just focus on the spoon in my hand and the soup in the bowl and my child over here needing me and just stay there so yeah that was a huge huge part of my journey thank you


And we're seeing this now like once a week. But, you know, we are seeing a snapback rally at some point during the week, right? You know, who knows, maybe it's tomorrow. Welcome to Access a Trader, the number one community for those who are committed to taking control of their trading in order to achieve success, profitability and longevity. Thank you for joining us. Here's Dan Shapiro to help you find your edge, master your process and own your future. Hey guys, good evening, everybody. Welcome to another edition of the access a trader.com nightly wrap up show. Hope everybody is doing well. Again, aggressive market. It continues to be kind of the same dog and pony show, right? Market super weak, super aggressive. We'll have days that will spike back reverse. But ultimately, this is kind of the same. Same thing, you know, on rotations, kind of like the hamster wheel effect or a lot of you guys who you guys remember from from from the 80s or there was a 90s with Bill Murray, Groundhogs Day. It's completely the same day over and over again. The one thing that I will say in 2020 and 2021, you know, it was very tough for me for a long time to kind of acknowledge that the 2021 market was the closest thing to dot com, right? Because dot com was just on a different level. So for example, for every one stock that you'd see up, you know, 100, 200 percent during dot com, you'd have days that 20 of these stocks would be up doing the same thing. So I finally acknowledged it at some point around 2021. I go, yeah, you know what? It is the closest thing that we seem to dot com. And the one thing that I remember during that era when we finally started unwinding and it was a pretty aggressive dot com bubble, right? That finally exploded. A lot of people I remember were in denial, right? So for example, like a stock like Cisco, I give you a perfect example. Not that Cisco is the end all be all, but just to give you an idea. This wasn't even an internet stock, but just to give you an idea of what I mean.  And after the five stocks, so you could do the math, the pulse split high was eighty two dollars, but you have to like divide that by five. So let's just say whatever it was, right? Four hundred dollars. And I remember when when the unwinding came, they started taking down everything. It wasn't just the dot com stocks, it was the storage stocks. It was the biotech stocks.  Anyway, the point was when you had all these stocks on line, then again, we could even sit here with Corning, same thing. You had the same thing, right? All these stocks had exactly the same chart. And all you kept on hearing was the same thing, right? Oh, Corning just went from one hundred to eighty. It just went from eighty to fifty. Oh, my God, at forty, it's a steal. At thirty, it's like taking candy from a baby. Oh, at twenty dollars. Oh, my God, back up the truck. I'm going in all in and then the stock goes to a dollar fifty, right? It goes to a dollar fifty approximately two years later. Again, nobody's saying by any stretch of the imagination that any stock that was two, three, four hundred dollars a share, you know, two months ago, three months or four months ago is going to go to zero. It's not what I'm talking about. But the most important part in this in the common denominator that the dot com bubble had where this kind of I don't want to call it a bubble, but like this this back test is, is there was very, very high inflated prices. So, for example, if you guys remember, there was a there was a company called ETOYS, right? And ETOYS had this big, big move, but ETOYS never made any money, right? ETOYS never made any money. They were just basically selling toys online.  But let's pretend the stock went from two to seventy five. So somebody from seventy five dollars when the stock went to thirty said, oh my God, the stock is oversold. The stock is not oversold because it should have never been to seventy five dollars. So when it finally went to zero, well, that was his fair value because fundamental analysis at some point takes over, right? So you can make an argument that a stock, for example, like UPST, which had, I would say, some pretty bad earnings tonight, right? When you look at UPST and you turn around and say, well, the stock was at four hundred dollars, you know, only last October, right? Before going into today's earnings session, look how cheap the stock is at seventy seven dollars. And you could turn around and say, well, wait a minute, how could fundamentals, right, fundamentals be warranted for the stock in the first place? Maybe the stock deserved to be at twelve dollars. Maybe deserve to be at eight dollars. Maybe deserve to be at nine dollars. It shouldn't have went to four hundred dollars at all. So the idea that after the close, they came out with earnings and the stocks of forty four dollars doesn't mean the stock is cheap. It just means that the same thing happened during the dot com bubble with the toys and all these stocks that never should have been at seventy eighty one hundred two hundred dollars a share because their fundamentals were not warranted to their stock price and finally came down crashing. This is the same scenario. This is a comparable type of unwind that some stocks or a lot of stocks that were deemed as the growth renaissance for this generation were really not supposed to be there in the first place. So when you look at a stock like a UPST tonight and said, my God, the stock's a gift from four hundred to forty four dollars. How can you not buy it? Well, there's a reason why the stock's at forty four dollars and maybe three years later. And again, I don't really know anything about the company. I think that, you know, I really don't know anything about the fundamentals. But if the stock goes to four or five dollars a share, it just meant that technically versus fundamentally it wasn't a match. And that's unfortunately what we're seeing here with a lot of stocks and a lot of stocks that we saw up last year really ridiculously. Like a name like a foobo, right? I looked at this thing the other day, I go, wait, what three dollars? Don't you this stock was what this stock was what at three? Was it one at sixty bucks? Right. This thing was at sixty two dollars in December. It's a three dollars today. Doesn't mean the stock is oversold. It just means it shouldn't have been there to begin with. So yeah, as much as we talk about a lot of similarities from dot com to twenty twenty one, I think the biggest common denominator is the pullback that happened after. And if you look back at the stocks that did survive the pullback from the dot com name, what do they have in common? Right. Think about what do they have in common? Cisco, Microsoft, right? Microsoft, Cisco, Amazon, right? Amazon, eBay, they all make money, right? Isn't that the whole point? They all make money. So the moral of the story is if you are an investor and you're under water on a lot of these companies, right? Check their, you know, this is where you really start to be a little bit of a technical analysis and start looking at their balance sheet. You know, did the stock warrant going from three dollars to two hundred? Did the stocks fundamentals put in a position that it can rebound? Maybe not this week, maybe not this year, maybe can't rebound in the futures. But if their fundamentals don't match up to to their long term prowess of kind of bubble like status that unfortunately for all the Amazons that survived and the apples and Microsoft and the oracles and the Intel to survive stocks like Etoi's and Spyglass and this one and that one did not. So it's a kind of a shame that this generation is being exposed to what we got exposed to back in mid 2000, 2001. But unfortunately, as we say all the time, if you don't respect history and understand history and embrace history, you are doomed to repeat it. And unfortunately, that is what's happening now. So again, that's the deal, man. That's the deal. Nothing materialistically change. We are still going lower. Again, I do believe and we're seeing this now like once a week. But we know we are seeing a snapback rally at some point during the week. Right. You know, who knows? Maybe it's tomorrow, maybe it's the next day, maybe it's Thursday. At one point, we do get a snapback rally. Unfortunately, a lot of new traders wake up. That's it. That's a generational bottom. That's it. And then three days later, we're back to the all time lows. So don't don't get tricked by don't get tricked by snapback rallies. They're very aggressive. They usually come out of nowhere. The last couple of snapback rallies came at lunchtime, right? Literally at lunchtime and the Fed. If you guys remember the Fed Day last Wednesday, it came literally the last hour, 900 points, literally an hour in the last trading day. And every selloff is a gap down. It's methodical and they're taking turns ripping these stocks apart. And the worst, the fundamentals of a company is the higher probability. It gets cut in half and then cuts in half and then gets cut in half and then gets cut in half and eventually we don't talk about it. Anymore. So going into tomorrow, again, of course, I mean, look, of course, I'm sell buys. I mean, how do you not be sell buys? But again, and I warn and I try to warn everybody pre-market during morning strategy, don't get too aggressive at the open, right? There's definitely names I like and trades I definitely, definitely I'm very interested in, but don't get too aggressive at the open. Like I said, like a minute ago, no matter how aggressive the selling is, as you can see by the charts, no matter how aggressive and there is massive reversals, really, really aggressive reversals. And most important thing is you don't want to get caught in something that is overextended to the downside, because that's going to be the one that's going to have that big aggressive move up.  So that's kind of the game plan going into tomorrow. Look at the names that I really like for tomorrow. I mean, look at the apple and here's one more important. Well, here's one more important note. And I think a lot of you guys who have option scanners will kind of agree with me on this, I think today was the very first day that we saw really big, massive institutional money flow deep out of the money, short term expiration with millions and millions of dollars bet deep out of the money puts. You know, we saw all day today, six and seven figure bets on a couple of weeks out for Apple 147, 145 puts on the video was getting. The video was getting 170 and they killed this thing. It was getting 150s Tesla. We saw a massive buyer come in for the July six hundreds. Right? We saw the 750s will get will get the individual pivots in a second. But we saw some really, really aggressive put buying today. And again, maybe it's something, maybe it's nothing.  Again, might not affect you tomorrow. Maybe it will, maybe already has. But today was really the first time that I could see these massive, massive bets with short term expiration. So the way the institutional money flow is coming in, they're not expecting that today was the bottom. So just something to think about. So let's talk about the pivots. Let's talk about the pivots today. Again, some really, really aggressive, you know, just aggressive polls. That's the best way of saying it. Tesla, right? 821 70 is the April 20th lows. If it builds below can see 800. Here is Tesla. I still think Tesla goes lower. Tesla got destroyed, right? Took out the 821 traded down all the way down to 780. This thing confirms today's channels. This thing has a shot to get the 750s this week, because again, they were coming for the 750 and the 740 weekly plus. So Tesla, again, massive, massive move on Tesla. Google, you know, again, we were talking about the earnings lows. Google closed right at the earnings lows. 2250, they were fighting with a buyer all day. But 2250 held twice if it builds below can start a multiple day decline. Here's Google, guys, it hasn't gone yet, right? It hasn't gone yet. But look at this channel here. This thing confirms today's channel tomorrow. I think there's 5800 points in this thing. So definitely, definitely keep an eye on that. TDOC, again, got hit on Friday, confirmed today. I think tomorrow or the next day could test earnings low.  If it confirms down, might finally see the earnings low. So here was 32 on TDOC, right? Here's 32 on TDOC. It went down to about 30 bucks. Again, it's very, very close to its earnings low. Once it gets below that earnings low, it's going to start a next multiple day decline. So keep an eye on that. NVIDIA got massacred 179.90 Fridays. Bottom channel for bills below can flush more. Here was NVIDIA, just an absolute destruction. Here took out this whole channel here, closed right at the lows at 169, 168. This thing looks lower. They were buying really, really deep puts on this thing as well. Netflix 175.80, if it builds below, can see more. Again, they were just going one by one. Netflix, here's a 75.80, right? Here's a 75.80, traded down to 72. This thing just continues to go lower. Again, once it closed below this, and here's my point. Once it closed below the earnings low of 185, it just starts drifting, right? It might not be aggressive every single day, but it starts drifting so far. It's $12 below the earnings low. CTSH, I still like this thing. They held this thing up for whatever reason today. VRSK18340, again, another earnings play. VRSK18340 needs to build. Here is VRSK. Here is the 18340 and went all the way down to 177. This thing still looks lower, which room you still have. This thing gets below 175. This thing is toast. And that is it, right? That is it. Here coming in for the 170 puts. Here comes 756, next support on Tesla. So that's it, right? That's it, guys.   This isn't a bull market. This isn't that you can just take shots. This isn't a market that you can just throw caution to the wind.  There are a lot of aggression cycles. There are spikes, even though they were to big sell buys. But the most important thing is, again, the common denominator is technical analysis, and once we close below the 50 day moving average, until we regain the 50 day moving average, this is going to be the same cycle until it's not. Guys, God bless. My daughter has a little softball game. God's help. I'll see you all tomorrow. Take care.


Hello and welcome into the Coach's Corner. I'm Joe Wombo, joined now with Andrew Bordelon, head coach of the men's soccer team, rounding out his first season at Stevenson.  A lot of youth contributing to the stat sheet there. Yeah, we came into the game, started five freshmen and a couple sophomores. And really, I didn't notice it until it was even on the board. But yeah, we've played a lot of young players this year. And I think that you saw that maturity throughout the season. You know, it wasn't the result that we wanted. You know, we struggled defending set pieces. But if you looked at the run of play of that game, I think that there were significant improvements in our play. I would agree with that entirely. The season is a progression. It's a process that the team is going through right now. And you played a lot of really tough teams at the beginning of the season, getting you ready for the conference tournament or conference season. And it was working for a good while of the season. What is that youth, you know, that progression, the arc of the season, get you ready for working into the off season and getting ready for spring ball and then the years to come? Right. Well, I think that not only the maturity that we made, but it was the culture and standard that was kind of set towards the end really needs to continue and even continue to progress also for us to get to where we want to be. Like I said, the guys, the play improved every week. And it's hard with especially a lot of youth contributing. But I think that the culture has improved quite a bit. But now going into winter, spring, and summer, we really need to take that next jump if we want to continue to be or get to the program that we want to be. And we hear that word a lot through all of our sports, is the culture, the process. It seemed to me when the team was performing well, which they did for the latter half of the season, I would totally attest to that. It seemed that the team was working more cohesively. They bought into the system. They saw it paying off. And then they saw the rewards working in their favor. Is that part of one of the goals for the season getting to that point? Yeah, the goals of the season are tricky. Again, I try not to set too many goals. I wanted to go in every day and continue to get better. And I think results and goals kind of work themselves out. And obviously it wasn't a season that we had hoped for. But there are positives to take from it and to continue to move forward and to build this piece of the puzzle of, like I said, to get this program where we need to be. And you saw that. And again, I think that it's hard. A lot of the times we first met each other on August 19. And here it is. It's the end of October. So it's not a whole lot of time. And so that progression really takes place in the off season. That culture that needs to be built, things like that. So now when this next group comes in to the locker room, they fall right into place. And they know the standard that's set. Well, Coach, we thank you for every week coming up and talking to us and post games as well. And we wish you the best in building that culture and continuing the process that you've been laying this season. Absolutely. Thank you. He's Andrew Bordelon. I'm Joe Waman. This has been The Coach's Corner.


First, there was sugar and high-fructose corn syrup, the original industrial sweeteners. They were cheap, but had lots of empty calories and contributed to diseases such as obesity, type 2 diabetes, cavities, and metabolic syndrome. So then came the second generation sweeteners, the artificial sweeteners, the colored pastel packets, neutrosweets, blendas, sweeten low. Practically zero calories, but adverse effects have been described, cautions have been raised. For example, artificial sweeteners were found to induce glucose intolerance by altering the gut microbiome, thereby producing the counter-intuitive effect of inducing metabolic derangements. They also taste kind of funny. Enter the third generation sweeteners, sugar alcohols, such as sorbitol, xylitol, and erythritol. Low-calorie sweeteners, however, their laxative effects can create difficulties, which brings us to rare sugars like allulose, which are natural sweeteners with low or zero calories and a sugar-like taste. For those of you who haven't heard of allulose, it's been through a bit of rebranding, just like rapeseed oil morphed into canola, forcing municipalities to update their town slogans. Allulose used to be called psychos, a sugar you may not want to eat in the shower. The name psychos is derived from the antibiotic from which it was isolated. That's a strange origin story for a sweetener. In the frontiers of bioengineering and biotechnology, emphasis is placed on the fact that allulose is a real unnatural sugar, rather than artificial. But ironically, if you look at the reference they cite, it talks about how allulose is made via functionalized polyhydroxy alkanohate nanobedes decorated with D-Tagatose III epimerase DTE, produced in recombinant endotoxin-free branded bacteria. And now, technically, allulose is a natural sugar, a so-called rare sugar, which has been defined by the International Society of Rare Sugars, as sugars that are present in limited quantities in nature, and recent technological advances, such as enzymatic engineering, using genetically modified microorganisms, now allow manufacturers to produce otherwise rare sugars like allulose in substantial quantities. But small amounts have pre-existed in the food supply, so the FDA granted it generally recognized as safe status. But it's been like really small amounts, like a few dozen milligrams, or a quarter of a quarter of a quarter of a teaspoon. See, allulose is generated when fructose is heated. That's why this poor guy can break it out in hives, eating such a strange variety of foods, because he happened to be allergic to allulose. And allulose is created incidentally in the process by which high fructose corn syrup is made. So basing the safety of allulose on the fact that it's already been present in the food supply isn't very convincing. You don't know if it's safe until you put it to the test. Unlike table sugar, allulose is safe for the teeth, isn't apparently metabolized by cavity-causing bacteria to make acid and build up plaque. It doesn't raise blood sugars, even in diabetics. It can be labeled as having zero calories, though technically it may have like one and a half calories per teaspoon, similar to what you see with erythritol. Also like erythritol, it's only about 70% as sweet as table sugar, but has almost the same taste, performance, and texture as regular sugar. Are there any toxicities? Allulose is considered a relatively non-toxic sugar. What does that mean? Well, in pets, we know a sweetener called xylitol can be extremely dangerous in dogs, as little as a half teaspoon and a 30-pound dog can be life-threatening, whereas a similar dose of allulose apparently wouldn't be a problem, though like over a half cup at a time could make them sick. This was a single-dose study, though. The long-term safety of allulose was tested over a period of a few months and didn't seem to cause any harmful effects at a dose of about one and a half teaspoons a day for healthy 30-pound dogs. In fact, their cholesterol actually went down, leading the investigators to suggest clinical studies to see if it's something vets should start prescribing for overweight pooches. What about in people? When the dose of allulose was gradually increased to identify the maximum single dose for occasional ingestion, no cases of severe gastrointestinal symptoms were noted until a dose of 0.4 grams per kilogram of body weight was reached, which could be about 7 teaspoons, with severe symptoms of diarrhea noted once you get up around 9 teaspoons. When you say, who can eat that much sugar at a time anyway? A single can of Coke has 10 teaspoons, and a bottle of Mountain Dew is nearly twice that, so allulose is clearly not suitable as a standalone sweetener for sugary beverages. In terms of a daily upper limit given in smaller doses throughout the day, once you get around 17 teaspoons a day, depending on your weight, people start getting severe nausea, abdominal pain, headache, diarrhea, so people should probably stay under single doses of about 7 teaspoons and not exceed around 15 for the whole day. The average American may be getting 17 teaspoons of added sugar a day, so it's certainly not something the food industry can completely switch over to. In this way, allulose is close to xylitol in terms of maximal single dose, whereas the average weight man in the US could get away with 14 teaspoons of erythritol at a time and the average woman 15 teaspoons. Still not enough to sweeten a bottle of Coke, but offers a little more leeway for sweetening tea or sprinkling on a grapefruit or something. Allulose is claimed to provide health benefits, though, compared to erythritol. Fourth generation sweeteners like Allulose are said to have an advantage. Additional functions. We'll find out if that's true next.


Hi, I am Dr. Saurav Verma, working as the Head of Department and Consultant in the Department of Spine Care at Manipa Hospital, Dwarka. Today, we have with us a 8-year-old young girl from Iraq with an infantile adiopathic splurge with a curvature of the spine measuring with a cobs angle of somewhere close to 160 degrees. She has a kyphosclerotic deformity of the spine, which is debilitating and causing a restricted lung disease to the child. She is just 8 years old and 11 kgs, so we will be just putting her on a hello gravity traction for now and see how much of a correction we can achieve from this method. She will be undergoing a growing rod concept of spine splurge's correction surgery at the end of one month and see how much of a correction we can achieve. She will be given successive distractions every 6 months for a period of 3-4 years from now, so that she can achieve the maximum lung capacity as well as the growth so that the child is normal in all behaviors. Right now, she has no neurological deficit and we hope she remains same neurologically postoperatively. So as discussed, this child underwent surgery in two stages, in which the first stage the hello gravity interaction was applied, in which the child was put on hello gravity with a modified wheelchair, the modified bed arrangement as well as the modified bunker and she was with gravity traction 24 hours a day. So she was kept under in the hospital under observation, under rigorous physiotherapy for a period of one month following which the patient underwent the second surgery of scoliosis correction in which we had placed the growing rod concept of surgery so that the child can now achieve with successive distraction the maximum growth as well as the maximum lung capacity.


Hi y'all, she was seven. I'm back. Yes, I know I Had to come back today because I have to get um, you know some people to understand a few things, you know Especially some of these men who are still saying they want to be treated equally to Women on dates, which means they expect a woman to pay for the date sometimes or their own meal or the whole date Oh my god, seriously. Okay, so I'm gonna tell y'all and I'm gonna show y'all why It's not worth a woman's time to go on a date with a man who expects her to pay. Okay, first of all It costs money.  It takes money and time So if you're gonna invite me somewhere and you're not gonna pay I'm not going because that's a waste of time money energy products. Okay.  Okay Some of them don't some of them do. Okay. I'm just giving y'all Some scenarios. Okay. First of all If a woman is not already paying to have her nails done or does her own nails And she got to go out and buy some some fake nails or go get her nails done, which is probably about 10 to 15 dollars That's more than a coffee cost. Okay Second She's probably gonna want to smell good.  So A few sprays of this, you know, that's probably about a dollar or two a dollar Right there. Okay Then she's gonna have to put on some makeup if she wears makeup and makeup is not cheap. Okay.  Okay, whatever lip gloss I already said that. Okay Spray mist. Okay. She's gonna need all that. That's that's a lot of money right there That's a lot of product and time that she's taking to make herself look good for you.   Okay This is why women don't need to pay on dates Then she got to accessorize then she got to get her jewelry together y'all And costume jewelry As well as real jewelry still costs money. Okay, so She's gonna put her jewelry on her earrings rings bracelets all that Okay, now she's looking cute. Okay. Now. What is she gonna wear? Oh my goodness Now she has to go pick out some clothes She might have to pick out something nice that just came out the cleaners that she paid What a few dollars to get clean or she might have to go buy a whole new outfit all together because everything in her closet Is either, you know dirty at the cleaners or She is not feeling it that day because that's how women are we like to change clothes We like fashion. Okay, so then she either has to go buy a new outfit Or she's gonna borrow something for a friend Which is going to take gas money for them to go get it and borrow it and bring it back So what i'm saying is it costs too much for women to waste their time With men who don't want to pay because all y'all gotta do is take a shower shade and put on some clothes. Okay That's probably about it. The most expensive product you probably use is some cologne.    Okay?  So, you know what?  That's for sure. Ask me to pay for my own date And so another thing is y'all When y'all ask a woman to pay for her own date And you say equality equality Men and women should be treated equal. Well, let me ask you a question by nature Are men and the receivers or are they the givers? Do you receive? And if you do that's something I don't want to know about but The thing is women are naturally My nature receivers You know male Men Are the givers You are the plug. We are the socket. You are the gatherers. We are the receivers Okay, you are the hunters. We are the receivers.  I want to be treated as an equal. Therefore. I want to penetrate you Okay, and if y'all can't do that then y'all need to start paying for some woman's meals Because there's no equality there is How you treat someone with respect and dignity And how they're supposed to be treated women are the receivers. Okay If if y'all were the receivers y'all would be the ones to get pregnant because y'all would receive a man's sperm Okay, but y'all don't we do so until you get that through your mind You know if you're gonna go against nature then To treat you equally. I'm gonna have to go against nature Okay I'm gonna have to you know go to one of them little uh sex shops And buy a little something something so we can be equal because if you're gonna penetrate me I'm gonna I'm gonna penetrate you if we're gonna be equals Okay, all right So I hope y'all enjoyed that and if you did thumbs up and also men if you don't have no problem with that Then maybe that's probably your underlying issue of why you don't like women. Okay. I'll see you later. Bye


Hey guys, so this is my review for episode 8 of Supernatural season 12 now immediately Some of you were a bit upset with me with what I said in the last episode, which was I Really been flip-flopping with this season last episode was very underwhelming. I thought it was a Real waste and it's made the Lucifer character pretty weak And they definitely noticed it for this episode because this was actually a really good Mid-season finale up until the last five minutes. So this episode we find out the Lucifer is still hopping around in different In different vessels we see a bit of a conjuring to homage reference there with the whole crosses turning upside down and They did something that they actually I thought they wouldn't have done for a while but they actually Introduced the super bad men of letters guy and The men of letters seem to understand that maybe it's a good idea to work with the hunters or was that their plan either way? we see that Lucifer takes over the president and Thankfully this was actually well used was it used long enough not really in my opinion I would have liked to have seen this as a Multitude episode because I thought the whole rocker thing sucked if this had been The last two episodes this would have been really funny the idea of the devil in the president That was funny. There was a lot of jokes that happened in it There was a lot of really interesting dialogue There was a part where you're thinking about giving a full part in Charles Manson There was a lot of funny things and really interesting ideas that came with the president and While it wasn't used as long as I would have liked I thought that was finally an element this season has done Well, we had Lucifer basically running around doing whatever but maybe I'm just a whiny little bitch We had Hitler and you screwed up Hitler Thankfully they didn't screw this idea up and it was a very entertaining idea and Going back to the British men of letters.  Kent, mr. Whatever super dude who I kept on thinking was gonna be Vinnie Jones, but he wasn't but this guy is crew pretty interesting instead of Pointing out how they are constantly seeming to be like oh yeah you American hunters are bad They he was actually showing them things in which they use that make them so much more up-to-date The idea of radiating Vampires blood and all these other tools and then he gave him the MacGuffin golden egg Which was a device that they could use to pump out Lucifer now How did they get him now? Well mainly the first thing I thought of is when they were like, oh, yeah We got to get the president. Oh, this is national treasure, too So that was a little bit silly how they get him into this little motel I you know what we're in Vancouver as a TV show. I couldn't imagine of anywhere else They could have done it either way that little silliness aside it was cool to see them actually get Lucifer and Something that happened when they when they exercised them and sent them back to the cage You could see the look on the brother saying wait We did it this time and one of us didn't have to go into the cage with him remember how hard it was last time this was basically swan song too and Now we're near as goes swan song obviously, but this was a rehash. It was basically a repeat and I like that element because this is this is getting rid of the Lucifer arc because admittedly as much as I like the idea of them doing it I think they were starting to realize that they really have no motivation for Lucifer other than to cause chaos and Really with putting him in the president you had nowhere else to go but down from there So I understand why they ended that arc. However, I really thought it was the last five minutes I thought was a little Stupid how they get caught by those two cops yet Castiel was like When he was totally fine when they cut when the Secret Service guys were four of them surrounded them now This is if someone can please I've been meaning to go back through season seven eight nine and ten I am so on the fence of what Castiel's powers are he can mind white people, but he can't transport he has Strength, but he can't Get shot. I just what is Castiel's powers now when I thought he got his grace back I know he got it in pieces, but I thought he got it back So I'm gonna re-watch the seasons, but if someone can Reiterate to me what the hell is going on with Castiel's powers because I thought that was weak How he couldn't just come in and go on those two people I thought that was probably a really really the weakest part of this entire episode But the idea that now the Winchester's are this is basically what I think they were found correct They were doing with season seven the idea that they were hunted and now they are in the back of this Secret Service van and they've been arrested and really the first thought I was well Maybe the super British men of letters guy could help them But it looked as though the British men of letters did want to get rid of the Winchester's just albeit not as Extreme as evil terrible lady was so I don't know I have a feeling he's gonna save them either way our Crowley might because Crowley just all of a sudden disappeared for no real reason other than to create drama But we will see either way I did enjoy this episode There was a few things I went back and re-watched and I did enjoy it So I'll while this review is late. I apologize, but I'm gonna give Episode 8 of season that 12 of Supernatural a 6 out of 7. I did enjoy this episode I thought it was very well done and Aside from a few little things I thought this was a good way to kind of give us a bit of you know a little bit of rest till the show returns Am I worried for the brothers? Hell no they're gonna get out of this is no way they aren't but either way I did enjoy the episode as a whole. I mean my guys, that's all for me. I'll see you guys later


Here's an easy one then. James Joyce, overrated or underrated? They're watching back home, so be careful. Yeah, Irish family. So I think underrated that Ulysses is arguably the richest novel in the last 150 years. Not the greatest, but the richest. Richest in what sense?  So there's stuff from Irish history, stuff from the Bible, stuff about men and women that are, you know, extremely surprising and variable from one chapter to another.


Images connect us to information and each other. Images are always front and center when breaking news tell stories of what's happening. For example, with gay rights, what happened last night on the red carpet and who scored the winning goal.  And what that means is that we're really no longer able to manually select and organize images by hand. So publishers and companies that want to be able to scale their images are really going to need to start looking at automated ways to organize and handle their images. At Neon, we filtered through massive amounts of imagery, whether that's frames from a video or photos from a database, in order to serve as the most compelling image for our customers that they can then use to drive engagement on their site. I think for me, innovation is as much about consistency as it is about vision. You start with a vision of the future looking different than it does today, but you're consistently working towards that vision. Before forming the company, we spent almost 10 years in the lab really digging into the neural mechanisms that give rise to visual perception. So we've taken this deep science research on how the human brain responds to images and we've used that to build a product that we have in the market today. Seeing Neon images tell the stories of worldwide events and knowing that those images are connecting people to information, educating them and changing their lives through the information that they're consuming not only feels like a huge impact, but I think really is changing the way that images are seen and shared on the internet.


Everybody forced here ripping 2023 immaculate baseball hobby. This is a box case number five random teams You can find the results on your screen anytime At lean sports cars calm. Let's go ahead and get started. No guys Chris. I'll change it in a minute. All right Let's do it jumbo patch autos Brady house number 299 for the nationals Nice hit Nats That's a dual Jersey auto Diego Cartaya and Jose de Palo to 99 Dodgers Dual prospect Jersey auto Cartaya and the Paula Everson Pereira autograph for the Yankees the 49 dude great start to this to this box to this case Got Jersey card for the Braves is going to be Warren spawn that is Boston Braves Warren spawn Autographed numbered to 49 for the Cardinals Ray Langford and a patch card is going to be James Wood two of five for the nationals Good nationals box Let's go Brewers Come on yellow to beat the Yankees Dang it right here. Dang it right here. Here comes Jersey card to 10 is George Valera for the Guardians Patch auto going to the Jays is Yosfer Zulueta to 49 Blue Jays Triple patch auto for the arrays Carson Williams to 49 Number to 49. It's looks like spectra and mosaic is now down to just two to go So after that would be The spectra case you got flawless Serial number style breaks as well. Make sure y'all are getting your spots Jersey card seven of ten Pudger Rodriguez for the Marlins Also, a lot of options tonight Matt doesn't have a long queue over for personals Autograph four of ten for the Rockies a Dale Amador huge actually and this is a one of one Drew Jones printing plate patch auto diamond backs Zona with a huge hit Daniel E three color patch auto printing plate one of one Drew Jones There we go That's what we're looking for right there Patch card or patch auto how you lead a 99 for the fieldies thing. He's not doing as a signature anymore Got a redemption Bobby Miller Dodgers immaculate material signatures Twins triple relic auto is Emmanuel Rodriguez Patch card number to five Jordan Walker for the Cardinals Patch card at 25 is Jacob Barry for the Marlins Pirates good to God drew Jones. Yeah, he was he was taking quick though. I Don't think any of those guys are gonna fall out of top to him or a holiday Jersey auto Brandon Fawts number 299 for the Diamondbacks He's a more fix these Patch to 25 is Taj Bradley for the Rays patch auto Wilmer Flores for the Tigers number to 10 Jersey auto for the Dodgers Michael Bush to 83 Patch card to 35 is a smoltz for the Braves for the Red Sox said on Raffaella to 25 nice Raffaella and Brewers with a jumbo bat signatures redemption of Jackson choreo great hit for the Brewers What big Brewer's fan right now? All right, so Spectra and mosaic is sold out down to just the Spectra flawless luminance. I'm at collegiate and NT for the night everybody for the night So here's that spectra link eight to go on the full case tiered You guys little to no cue for personal is over on channel two right now with Matt Patch card is Moises allude to 10 for the Cubs White Sox auto Ozzy Guillen number to 49 World Series air as a manager Mark prior auto to 10 Cool one for the Cubs there on card mark prior auto Heck am I looking at here? Oh, that's sick. Look at that jumbo team logo Jacket logo here three of five is Tyler Soderstam for the A's This one got caught on something. There's some lines up on the left there Some damage. We'll get a box and wrap her out to the A's Guys making his debut as Jersey auto Evan Carter three of 99 for the Texas Rangers and Marlon's auto is Yuri Perez the 49 Yuri Perez for the Marlins got dual patch Espino to 25 for the Guardians Tink hence on the prospect patch auto going to the Cardinals in 99 Next up is a Zach V on the Fielding glove auto to 10 for the Rockies Sean loves these these are big cards Loves them dual relic for the Reds Pete Rose Kendra if you junior Game used games will game war game used Autograph for the Nats as Robert Hassel the 49 and moments auto for the Yankees the Mike Musina 8 of 10 My lot of Musina autos that I've seen in products recently. All right two more boxes here guys Got a printing plate Jersey card Harold Baines one of one for the White Sox Wolf, what's up, man? Another Ozzy Guillen here. This one is 11 of 99 in the auto for the White Sox Ozzy Guillen Triple patch autograph number 225 is Mason hour for the Rays Team logo patch card also for the Rays Carson Williams a 25 Jersey auto Rangers again here Evan Carter to 99 nice hit for the Rangers And making his debut either made it yesterday or making it tonight, right and Marlins prospect patch auto for colors to 49 Yuri Perez Jumbo patch is Marta to 25 for the Reds new Albie Marta Redemption Mariners prospect patch autographs tag Harry Ford nice hit Mariners Jersey auto number 210 is Zack Neto Nice hit for the Angels there Printing plate bat relic Al Lopez for Cleveland one of one patch auto out of 99 is Soderstrom for the a is nice Soderstrom there, and that's really nice 35 a 35 Masataki Yoshida fielding glove autograph for the Red Sox Nice Yoshida for the Red Sox Yes, it's the car was up Rashid Hey, Louise. Yeah, I was tough on for the Mets Sorry about that, man. So you got relics here. No, I'll be Marta That was Al Lopez Harold Baines Carson Williams Griffey and Rose Espino Soderstrom Moises a Lou John Smoltz Taj Bradley God Jacob Barry Jordan Walker Yvonne Rodriguez George Valera James Wood and a spawn for the Braves Boston Braves Warren spawn All right redemption Mariners Harry Ford patch auto tag other auto Soderstrom Zack Neto Ozzie Guillen Mason our Evan Carter Yuri Perez Mike Messina for the Yankees Robert Hassel That is a tank hence Evan Carter Yuri Perez That's Mark Pryor Ozzie Guillen Jackson choreo jumbo bat signature redemption Brewers Sedan Raffaella Michael Bush Wilmer Flores Brandon Fott and Manuel Rodriguez Dodger's redemption Bobby Miller. I'm act material signatures How you Lee Adele Amador Carson Williams? Yosvera Zelluita Ray Langford Everson Pereira Cartaya and the Paula Brady house Glove autos Zach Vien for the Rockies Mazataki Yoshida for the Red Sox and Printing plate patch auto one-of-one is Drew Jones diamond bags. Yeah, I'm back. That'll do it. Thanks again. Everybody moving on now to number six


This week on Behind the Glass, we've hit the road once again. This time, we are visiting the SeaKeeper Manufacturing Facility, located right outside Reading, Pennsylvania.