Daily Tech News show is made possible by its listeners. Thanks to all of you, including Brandon Brooks, Alexander Nashev, and Hector Bones. Coming up on DTNS is sharing a Netflix password illegal in the UK, it apparently is. Plus, whether facial recognition is at fault for a Rockettes Band, and YouTube looks to be the next home of the NFL Sunday Ticket. This is the Daily Tech News for Wednesday, December 21st, 2022 in Los Angeles. I'm Tom Merritt. And from Studio Redwood, I'm Sarah Lane. I'm Alex Sidi, I'm Scott Johnson. And I'm the show's producer, Roger Chen. We are excited to be here, folks. I know a lot of these other podcasters have already faded out. That's it. They're done. You're not going to get anything. No, we're not fading out until Friday, so hang in there with us. And we even pre-recorded stuff for next week, so be on the lookout for that. We've got some special holiday episodes coming your way, but we're not done yet. Let's start with the quick hits. Anchor has admitted that its Ufee security cameras pose a security risk in a new blog post, although as the Verge points out, there's no real apology here, or even a real explanation as to why a security researcher was able to view an unencrypted stream remotely from an always local, always end-to-end encrypted camera. Anchor says no user data has been exposed, but that's starting today. Some things will change. Users can log into their web portal to view live streams of their cameras, but can no longer view live streams or share active links to live streams with others outside of Ufee's secure web portal. Good. That's all I have to say. Step in the right direction. Twitter CEO Elon Musk indicated on Twitter Wednesday that he would resign as CEO as soon as he finds a replacement. And in a conversation on Twitter Spaces, Musk said that after cost-cutting measures and increased subscriber revenue, he believes, quote, that Twitter will in fact be okay next year. Analyst Ming-Chi Kuo said in a series of tweets that Apple will cancel or at least postpone mass productions of the 2024 iPhone SE4 due to consistent lower-than-expected shipments of middle-tier and lower-end smartphones like the iPhone SE3, the iPhone 13 mini, and the iPhone 14+. Quo also added that the full-screen design that Apple wants for the iPhone SE4 will mean higher costs and price tags, so the company may need to, quote, reconsider the product positioning and return on investment and, quote, for the SE4. Raspberry Pi CEO Eben Upton said consumers should not expect a Raspberry Pi 5 system on a chip next year. He described 2023 as a recovery year. The chip shortage restrained availability of existing Pi boards over the last 18 months, and Upton said it couldn't ramp up demand for a new board in the next year. So they're going to catch up just not yet. EU antitrust regulators opened an in-depth investigation into Broadcom's proposed $61 billion acquisition of VMware. Broadcom makes server chips used in servers that often run multiple VMware instances. The EU will investigate whether the acquisition would result in competition restriction for non-Broadcom hardware that works with VMware. Regulators will report their findings by May 11. All right, check it out. We'll be there May 11. It looks like NFL Sunday Ticket is going to YouTube now. NFL Sunday Ticket, if you don't know, is the one that lets you watch NFL games that you otherwise would not be able to watch. Most TV markets in the U.S. get around four games every Sunday, one on Fox, one on CBS, one after the other. But not every market gets the same four games. So Sunday Ticket lets you watch all the games you don't get. It does black out the local game to encourage you to watch at least that one on your local channel, but that's all about money. Cable services pay to carry local channels. And if you were to just get Sunday Ticket without getting local cable service, those local channels would lose out on those sizable carrier fees. Now, up till now, as of this moment, Direct TV has been the exclusive home of NFL Sunday Ticket, but it will not be renewing its deal at the end of the season. And recently, Apple has been reported to be the service most likely to get that Sunday Ticket. But then last week, the dealer reportedly fell through. Apple reportedly wanted to get rid of the blackout restrictions, get international rights, possibly include the package at no additional cost with its Apple TV Plus subscription, which currently sits at $6.99 a month. Contracts with Fox and CBS would also have been altered to allow any of that to happen, including the cheap price. So it ended up not happening at all. Yeah. And as Bat Fink in our chat room puts it, Jets fans look like they'll be able to choose not to watch their team on YouTube TV. Google is the new front runner. In fact, by the time you hear this, it might already be announced. The Wall Street Journal was saying and the New York Times was saying that the decision to grant the NFL Sunday Ticket contract to Google might be finalized at an NFL owners meeting, which I think is happening as we're recording. Wall Street Journal says Sunday Ticket would be available as an add on, not just for YouTube TV, like you would add Showtime to YouTube TV or NBA League Pass or something, but also on YouTube proper. So you wouldn't have to have YouTube TV. You could add it through YouTube premium channels just to your regular YouTube.com premium subscription. It would not affect deals for Sunday Night Football on NBC. That's going to stay there. Monday Night Football is going to stay on ESPN Thursday Night Football is going to stay on Amazon Prime Video. But it does look like they moved quick. They probably, you know, kept those conversations warm in case things fell through with Apple, especially because it looked like things were going to fall through with Apple for a couple of weeks. They probably were ready to go. And that, Sarah, you're going to be able to watch your 4D Niners. Is that right? They are. Yes. Yeah. Gold pants represent. But yeah. So this, the whole YouTube thing is, I don't really have a horse in this race. You know, it's like whatever company can pay for the rights and they come to an agreement is where I'm going to eventually find those games. But as a person who is invested in football in the NFL, I find the whole thing a little amusing that. Yeah, you, you've still, if you, if you want to watch football all weekend and many people do, it's like, all right, so let's start on Thursday. Thursday night is Amazon, then you go over to some network TV, then you hit ESPN, then you might go to YouTube TV for Sunday Night Football. Monday Night Football is a whole different ballgame because you got ESPN. I mean, it is, this is a dizzying array of choices, even if you kind of know what's going on here. And I can see why it's so frustrating for everybody. That said, the Sunday ticket is a big deal. And if it does come to Google, which would mean YouTube, you know, in some capacity, YouTube TV is my cable alternative of choice. You know, I'm down with that. So the blackout restrictions are annoying, but it's always been that way. So I guess I'm just used to it. As far as my perspective on this, I'm, Tom and I had a conversation about this earlier and this keeps happening me every year. I sit down with my wife and go, it's not like a special meeting, but we have this conversation. Should we get into all the games this year, instead of just sort of playoffs and Super Bowl kind of lifestyle? What if we actually cared all the way through the season about how various teams do like we used to do in, you know, back in the day? And I think part of it, you know, ended for me when I, when I cut the cord back in 07 or 08 and really never looked at cable again because cables were this stuff lived. So now that it's finally off of there and I'm feeling this urge again next year to have like a proper season follow through, this has me pretty excited, maybe more than ever. And I don't know why exactly except I think having it out of the contract with a cable provider, despite them having some digital options. And in the hands of a pure digital source for me, which is YouTube is more motivating. I don't even know why I don't have a good answer for why I just think I'm going to do it now. Would I have liked this to be part of Apple 699 deal that I already pay? Absolutely I would have. I don't know what YouTube is going to do to drag me in. Will it be a part of their $10 a month subscription? I don't know. No. No, it was probably after. Our's Technica pointed out that there is a contract provision between the NFL and CBS and also with Fox that says that NFL Sunday ticket has to be sold at a premium price because they don't want it to be so cheap that people don't watch the games on Fox and CBS. They want to limit how many people go. They want only the most enthusiastic fans to go to it, which is one of the reasons Apple didn't get it for 699. So no, this is not going to be part of the $65 a month you pay for YouTube TV. Certainly not what you pay for YouTube premium. It's going to be an add on price and NFL Sunday ticket is $300 a season right now on direct TV. That doesn't pay for itself. They have 1.5 million Sunday ticket subscribers. They pay 1.5 billion a year. But the idea is that they get they keep those people on direct TV with other subscriptions and they pay for HBO. And then that makes it worth it. It's almost a loss leader. And I assume that's what Google's thinking here too. Yeah, it's probably what Apple was hoping to do. They were going to be a loss lead that as well. But in this case, I guess it just depends on what they call premium. If right now the $300 mark is what's considered premium. It's still in the ballpark of what I think I would do. So this is more of a question of, do I really want to invest in an NFL season in a hardcore way? Like Sarah, who's, you know, are my grand example today of someone who really cares about football and doesn't just show up at the end like I do. So I don't know. But I guess I'll wait and see what they charge and pull the trigger or not.  Great. So I think that's wildly overpriced. But I understand the restrictions that have been in place for some time to make that price make sense. And even as you said, Tom for direct TV, they're not even making money off of that. So how this works going forward will be interesting. How let's let's just say the Google deal goes through how this will be an add on for YouTube TV or YouTube premium separately. And what that will cost. That's that's what I'm most interested in. Yeah, I'm curious what they'll price it at and how they'll package it. There's some fans hoping that they will introduce per game so that you don't have to pay the whole $300 that you could just pay for particular games. Your 49ers are still going to be on your local channel, though. They're not going to be on NFL Sunday ticket. They're going to be blacked out. And that's going to be true for everybody's local team. So YouTube TV is going to have to make sure they have local carriage agreements with people because if they get people in because like NFL and then it's like, oh, I can get everything but my local team because you don't have an agreement with Fox in this market. That's going to be an issue. And that's been such a, you know, for a lot of people who don't understand how these agreements work. They're like, but it's my team. It's the only team I care about. I actually don't even want to watch all this other stuff, which is why a lot of people don't pay for things like that. No, exactly. Not to mention YouTube TV doesn't have balleys sports. So even though that's not football, if you're a sports fan, you're going to be like, well, wait, if I switch to YouTube TV, now I can't watch the basketball, the hockey team, the baseball team. If balleys is the one who carries your local sports there. So yeah, it's going to complicate things. And this is going to keep getting more complicated until it all shakes out. We're in the transition period from cable to digital. And this is just going to be one of those steps along the way. Well, thanks again to KV87 on our subreddit for flagging this story. It's been floating around for the last day or so, but we have a little bit more information and there's a tech angle. So stay with me here. NBC News in New York reported earlier this week that on Thanksgiving weekend, a Girl Scouts troop was attending a Rockettes show at Radio City Music Hall. Probably pretty fun. Lots of people are going to be there. However, one of the parents of the participants of the Girl Scouts troop was not allowed to enter the facility. The parent in question's name is Kelly Conlon. Conlon works for a law firm called Davis, Saperstein and Solomon, which is representing claimants in an ongoing personal litigation, personal injury litigation against MSG Entertainment, which operates Radio City Music Hall. MSG has a policy that it does not allow attorneys pursuing active litigation against it from attending events at their venues until the litigation is resolved. They're trying to protect themselves from attorneys doing a little like, you know, snooping around. Conlon is not working on this particular case, but MSG says the policy applies to everyone who's an attorney at the firm. That way the attorneys don't do things like, oh, I'm not on this case, but I'm going to snoop around for my buddy at the work who is. It just says blanket thing. If you work at that organization until the case is done, you can't come in. Yeah. So while Davis, Saperstein and Solomon were made aware of this policy, other firms have sued over the same thing. And Conlon thought a recent judge's order said that ticket holders could not be denied entry. Now in response, Davis, Saperstein and Solomon is challenging MSG's liquor license since that license requires them to admit members of the public unless there are people who would be disruptive or who constitute a security threat. Now you might say, okay, all fine and good. Why are we talking about this on DTNF? Yes, because MSG venues, Madison Square Garden, that's what the MSG is for, and Radio City Music Hall, which they operate, have signs up that notify visitors that facial recognition is in use as a security measure. And in fact, Conlon claims a security guard said, our recognition picked you up before asking to see ID. So here's the question. Facial recognition did not make a mistake. That was Kelly Conlon. Facial recognition recognized Conlon. The security people said, are you Conlon looked at the ID and said, oh, you are. Well, unfortunately, our policy doesn't let you to come in. We can have a separate conversation about whether MSG's policy of kicking out lawyers is a good one or not. I'm not sure that I think it's great. I understand it, but I don't love it. I think it's a little abusive, especially when you can't go in with your daughter to see the Rockettes. But it was applied to the letter. So is facial recognition the problem here? Scott? My take is no. I think the technology is usually not at fault at all. It's the use of the technology. I don't like this particular use of it in this case. I feel like there ought to be some granularity on how you apply it. I think just rubber stamping it and saying, well, this is the deal. So sorry, you're out. Isn't up to snuff in this one case because we're talking about a private company or a company that's, you know, not the government. I think that that separates a lot of the some of the bigger issues or questions about surveillance. So I'm glad that those don't come up in this. But yeah, I feel like the technology is never the problem. It's usually us and how we apply it. And I think this probably needs some re-work at the very least. I mean, the whole idea that MSG venues, you know, Radio City Musical as a very large example, saying, listen, we tell people that there is facial recognition in place. It's for everyone's safety, et cetera, et cetera is not. I mean, that doesn't really raise my eyebrows all that much. Not every venue does that. But hey, you know, this is New York City. A lot of people come through there. I get it for that venue to then say, oh, you belong to, you know, that law firm that we don't like very much. And even though you don't seem to really have any direct involvement with this particular lawsuit that we're having with that law firm, you are not allowed to enter is within their rights. You might say, well, that's rude.  And maybe that's all true. But it's not illegal to do that. So I guess it kind of turns into a conversation of, okay, well, when facial recognition works, which it did in this case, you know, at what point do we say, well, that's not fair. Yeah. The argument I've heard against this is that if they hadn't been using facial recognition, they wouldn't have known that Conlon was the person who worked for the law firm. And therefore there wouldn't have been any problem. But to me, that's just saying, oh, they would have got away with it. Right. Facial recognition made sure they didn't get away with it. It's hard to separate.  It's like, no, you can't go in with your daughter to see the Rockettes because you work at a law firm. But what if it was this person was banned because they had been disruptive because they had tried to light a fire one time. And they wouldn't have recognized them if it hadn't been for facial recognition. Would you feel the same way about the facial recognition being used in that case? To me, I think it's really hard not to get confused with this is a horrible policy and they used facial recognition, which makes me hate the facial recognition because it allowed them to enforce the horrible policy when it's not the facial recognition's problem. Yes, they wouldn't have been able to enforce the policy, but the policy is still there either way. Yeah, it's complicated. The whole part about it being discriminatory or the question about whether it's discriminatory is an interesting one because this isn't one based on ethnicity or race or gender or any of that. This is a restriction based on we don't like you. Like a weird professional like competitive reason. It's unusual. Part of me is glad that this is getting talked about because I don't think people think about this very much. But this sort of stuff happens and it's out there. Nick with a C asks a good question. Why did Conlon able to buy a ticket? And I don't know. Maybe the Girl Scout troop bought the tickets and they were just distributed so they never saw Conlon's name. That is possibly an explanation. And they let her buy the ticket without telling her about this. No, they told Davis, Saperstein and Solomon. MSG says they told them twice that none of your employees will be allowed to attend. And it's pretty clear to me from Conlon's quotes that Conlon knew that and was like, but I thought, because they said, I thought this judge's ruling would allow me in. So it's not like they didn't know this was a risk. I kind of wonder if they knew this was going to happen and were and wanted to get the press out of it as well. That is a possibility as well. Well, folks, this came thanks to our subreddit. Thank you, KV87. Get in there and be like KV87. Let us know what you'd like to hear us talk about. Submit stories. Vote on the ones that are there at dailytechnewshow.reddit.com. The UK Intellectual Property Office said Tuesday it believes that sharing passwords for services like Netflix breaks UK law. The office originally posted this guidance on its website but has since removed it. However, the office confirmed to the BBC that password sharing where the intent is to allow a user to access copyrighted material without payment may breach contracts, constitute fraud or qualify as secondary copyright infringement. The office said it would be up to service providers to take actions in court, but that it's possible in some cases that charges could be referred to police for criminal investigation and possibly prosecution. None of that is really likely to happen. No, the UK police have never given an indication that they're going to investigate password sharing. I think they probably have other things to do. And Netflix has never indicated it was going to sue people. They have not gone. They've been very gentle about this. But it is developing a system to detect password sharing and encourage users to either set up their own account or pay extra for a sub account. Netflix believes more than 100 million viewers use the service with borrowed passwords. So converting even 1% of that would mean several million dollars in revenue. In fact, analysts at Cohen think it could raise around 721 million in revenue next year in the US and Canada alone where an estimated 30 million share passwords. Yes. So details on how Netflix is actually going to crack down on passwords or want to worldwide haven't been announced in any formal sense. But they've conducted tests in several Latin American countries, one of which when password sharing was detected, Netflix sent a code to the email of the primary account holder and the viewer had 15 minutes to enter that code. And then even then the user still might get prompts to pay an added monthly fee to stay on the account or to migrate their profile to a new account. So Netflix is definitely paying attention to this and probably has a lot of data on where this kind of stuff is going on. Yeah, but they're going to have to be conservative about how they use that data. Netflix updated its help pages this year to say it's going to use IP address, device ID and account activity to help it detect password sharing. But there are situations where the IP address can be in two places and it's not password sharing or at least it's legitimate password sharing or device IDs are moving around or, you know, you've got two SIM cards in your phone. It doesn't want to crack down on a large number of people who are not sharing passwords. That's going to blow back on it. People are mad enough about this as it is. And they're going to have to make sure that if you're traveling, you know, you're on a three week vacation, you don't get the pop up just because you're in a different location. Children sometimes travel between two parents house. So if that child's logging in that should be legitimate. They're a member of the household. How are you going to account for that? And of course, people use Netflix on mobile. India was used as an example where people majority of people use Netflix on mobile. They're moving around. They might have multiple SIM cards. These are not insurmountable challenges, but they do complicate matters. So Scott, how are you feeling about password sharing now? Well, as someone who has maybe a couple of his kids borrowing his password, just saying maybe. Not saying for sure. They're your kids. They're in your household. No, no, no. Scott is just saying someone's kids. Yeah, someone's kids. I'll go ahead and say, sure. We'll say someone's kids. Maybe one of their kids is currently in Iceland for two months and maybe is using that password. I don't know, but part of it, part of me wonders if there's like a window here for Netflix to say, well, look at these tricky restrictions in the EU. It's going to force us to make some fundamental changes. And I'm sorry to let everybody know, but worldwide it's how it's going to have to be. But that is what's happening. Before this UK thing, they were like, we're making fundamental changes and it's happening worldwide in 2020. Oh yeah, I just think this helps. That part already happened. I guess what you're saying is the UK thing helps them justify it. Like, see, we have to do this. Yeah, exactly. I think what it does is it gives them not an out, but an ability to say, look, this isn't entirely us. We may have been indicating that we're pro cleaning this mess up, but also what are you going to do? Government, am I right? You know, they kind of put their hands up a little bit and say, well, now we have to do it. I think that helps them get whatever goal they're aiming for here. And I also totally understand why this is frustrating for them. And I totally understand why this is law in some places because it can be abused. It just straight up can be and is abused all the time. Whether government should get involved is a whole different conversation. But if Netflix is looking for a slightly more greased palm to get there, I feel like maybe the UK will give it to them. Yeah, I mean, this all sounds like to me a little bit of like, let's just put it down on paper how we have said we don't think this is the right thing. You know, you might be committing fraud. You might be breaching contracts. We don't want anything to do with this. We're going to deem it illegal. And we have said so officially. That's kind of what this seems like to me. Now, Netflix is larger problem of, okay, if you're really going to crack down on password sharing, which is a rampant problem, not just for Netflix, but for a lot of streaming services. All right, well, yeah, how are you going to do it? How are you going to do it in a way that if I Sarah M in Iceland for two months, you know, how are you not going to be like, well, that's obviously not you. Because you live in Northern California, it's like, it could be me. And in that case, maybe it is me. And you know, if you're on some sort of a family plan, people do move around. And as Tom mentioned, SIM cards do get swapped out. And a lot of that information, pardon me, does become problematic for Netflix to enforce, because if they really want to enforce it, you know, down to the person, that's not a job that they want to do. I have been assuming from the beginning that this is going to be very softly done. Their job is not to convert all 100 million to become paying subscribers. I don't think when I say that, I mean, I don't think Netflix sees that as their goal. Their goal is to get even 1%. Like we said, right, that would bring them in a few hundred million dollars, because you're talking about seven to $10 a month. So that's, you know, up to $120 a year or more. If somebody is like, ah, fine, I'm going to pay for the HD. I want the multiple accounts, whatever. Right. So this is because profit margins are being squeezed. They are looking for hundreds of millions of dollars that that they can they can make up for. So it's in their best interests to over correct against cracking down on people who are legitimate. Netflix has previously expressed that as their opinion. They're like, we think password sharing kind of helps us. So I feel like they have to do this for shareholders. They have to do it for rights holders as well, who don't you don't want, you know, the amount that Netflix is making to be less than it should because they get a cut, you know, based on residuals and royalties and payments and stuff like that.  But I don't think they're going to really even cut people off. They are certainly not going to drag people to court, at least not under the current administration of Netflix.  And then they're going to want to implement this. They can do it on the slide when it's done. They're like, well, that worked for Netflix. And now we're going to do it like they all have. They got a little bit of skin in this hundred percent HBO Max Peacock Disney Plus. They're all like, yep, you let us know how that goes. Oh, that's what worked great. That's what we're doing. Okay, got it. Well, thanks everybody who submits stories and votes on them and are subreddit or emails off stories or shares stories in our discord. You make the show better. So thank you to all of you. Also, thanks to you, Scott Johnson for being with us today. Let folks know where they can keep up with all that you do. Well, sure. There's a lot going on and I've always got something new and fresh going on. But I'd like to point people to a show that's now been around since 2011. If you like daily content, especially in the sort of comedy realm and you just want a good time in the morning. Check out the morning stream, which you can find at frogfans.com slash TMS or wherever the morning stream is served up as a podcast. And the reason I mentioned this is because next week we're going to have just a little lighter, more fun sort of approach to the holiday in between times. And we're going to have a great time on there. We'd love to have more people there. So check it out. Again, that is the morning stream wherever you get your podcast. Excellent. Thanks to our brand new boss. That boss's name is Tiff. Tiff just started backing us on Patreon. Thank you, Tiff. Welcome. Tiff. Thank you, Tiff. Tiff is the best. Tiff for a president of our hearts today. That's right. Yeah, Tiff. Tiff is now a brand new patron. Welcome, Tiff. Patreon.com slash DTNS. And Tiff, you and any patron, in fact, anybody watching the show, even if you're not a patron, email us your questions and answers. We're going to get to them on Friday's show. It's our last live show until CES. So come on in feedback at DailyTechNewsShow.com. What have you always wanted us to tell you? What question do you have feedback at DailyTechNewsShow.com? Yeah, we've gotten a few AMA questions so far, which is kind of fun, which we're banking. So yeah, keep them coming. Nothing is off the table. I can't guarantee we'll answer every single question. Our answer might be we're not going to answer that, but we will address every question. But we still want you to submit your questions. Exactly. Speaking of patrons, stick around for the extended show. Patrons know about it already. Good day. Internet rolls right in after we wrap up DTNS. But just a reminder, we do the show live Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. Eastern 2100 UTC. And you can find out more at DailyTechNewsShow.com. We're back doing it all again tomorrow with Rob. I'm done with joining us. Talk to you then.


Quantum Mechanics, Quantum Mechanics QM, also known as Quantum Physics. Quantum theory, the wave-mechanical model, or matrix mechanics including quantum field theory, is a fundamental theory in physics which describes nature at the smallest scales of energy levels of atoms and subatomic particles. Classical physics, the physics existing before quantum mechanics, describes nature at ordinary macroscopic scale. Most theories in classical physics can be derived from quantum mechanics as an approximation valid at large macroscopic scale. Quantum mechanics differs from classical physics in that energy, momentum, angular momentum and other quantities of a system are restricted to discrete values. Quantization objects have characteristics of both particles and waves. Wave particle duality and there are limits to the precision with which quantities can be measured uncertainty principle. Quantum mechanics gradually arose from theories to explain observations which could not be reconciled with classical physics, such as Max Planck's solution in 1900 to the black body radiation problem, and from the correspondence between energy and frequency in Albert Einstein's 1905 paper which explained the photoelectric effect. Early quantum theory was profoundly reconceived in the mid-1920s by Erwin Schrodinger, Werner Heitseberg, Max Born and others. The modern theory is formulated in various specially developed mathematical formalisms. In one of them, the mathematical function, the wave function, provides information about the probability amplitude of position, momentum, and other physical properties of a particle. Important applications of quantum theory include quantum chemistry, quantum optics, quantum computing, superconducting magnets, light emitting piods, and the laser, the transistor and semiconductors such as a microprocessor, medical and research imaging such as magnetic resonance imaging and electron microscopy. Explanations for many biological and physical phenomena are rooted in the nature of the chemical bond, most notably the macromolecule DNA.


Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan of Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five signs he thinks about you and he wants something serious. All right, really quickly before we get started today, hit the, if you're brand new to my channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, this content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, we're gonna talk about those five signs a man is thinking about you and he wants something serious. You know, it's interesting. I've been thinking about something a lot today and I'm wondering if you're experiencing this, if you're a woman experiencing this and that is men who tend to come on strong, they seem to promise the world very early on in the dating process. And a lot of this is done on the telephone to begin the process and then when you physically meet one another and there's just this intense connection between the two of you.  And after a little while, you might begin to believe this. And if this happens enough time, well, let me come back to this particular situation. And then all of a sudden, you two are physically intimate with one another. And then when you could have spent a weekend together because it's a long distance dynamic or it could have been something even close by. And then you notice that he starts to pull back, he starts to pull away. And I'm noticing this a lot from the women who are reaching out to me for advice for my private coaching and whatnot. And they've been told that the advice that women have been told by other women is to do the no contact rule, by not contacting him when he pulls away to create some tension so he misses you. Now, I understand why that might be the case, this idea of no contact, but I want you to think about something. He's just done no contact to you. How does that feel? How does that feel when someone that you thought you could potentially share a life with someone? You thought that you were actually getting to know one another. You really thought this was building something together. And then all of a sudden their contact begins to diminish. And what you're being told is to do the exact same thing. And I can understand why you're being told to do that. Now, part of the problem with that narrative of being told to do that is that this idea that he's going to all of a sudden magically miss you.  And what you have to recognize is that the reason why this happened and why this doesn't actually work in the long run, I'm gonna share with you in a second. The reason why he came on strong and I know you've been told over and over again, this is love bombing and it's part of a narcissistic plan to hook you, okay? And yet the average guy can do the exact same thing because what's happening to men is that when we feel extreme infatuation for someone, that's actually known as limerence, limerence. In other words, it's extreme infatuation. And this happens when the chemical cocktail of chemistry, physical attraction mixes together and a lot of chemicals get released from the brain into the body that says, get this girl, excuse me, get this woman, get this woman, get this woman. I mean, literally that's what's happening. And then the minute there's any sexual tension involved, that actually turns the limerence to lust, which means that we have to physically conquer you. This is why I know when you've heard this narrative over and over that men are the hunters and they're supposed to chase you. Do you think men are actually thinking like this? I'm chasing a relationship. I'm hunting a relationship. Do you think men actually think along those lines? No, it's because what's being hunted or chased in that moment is that physical conquest.  Bum, bum, bum. I know that sounded graphic. I know that sounded gross. And yet that's literally what happens is literally there's an excavation. Is it, I'm trying to think of the word when you flush something, someone tell me what that is. But literally all those chemicals are released and what's left is the deer in the headlight because all of a sudden he's going, oh my God, I made subconsciously. This is happening on the inside. Oh my God, I made all these promises to this woman. Now I have to retreat. So the pendulum went all the way this way. And what he's doing is he's got to bring the pendulum over here just so he can get back to center. And you're being told to do the exact same thing.  Do you know why this narrative doesn't work in the long run?  All that does is get the emotionally unhealthy person to come back. And what causes a man to vomit all of this in the beginning is an emotionally unhealthy person is chasing what he's not even sure what he's chasing. He's just feeling that chemical reaction because he doesn't actually have a real sense of how his emotions operate. So this whole no contact rule isn't going to work. And I wanna invite you to look at this from a different perspective because this is what's gonna make a relationship work in the long run. That's what I'm about to share. And that is actually when there's two people that are at least marginally attractive to one another. And I say marginally, in other words, it's more than 50%, but it's not like through the roof attractive to one another. Okay, I said marginally, fairly attracted to one another. This is the time to build the friendship along with the physical connection. And what I mean by physical connection is holding hands and kissing one another and being affectionate with one another, it's touching one another, but not going down the sexual path because what's going to make him really hooked into you so you never have to worry about using this no contact rule because it doesn't work anyway is to actually build the friendship with each other to build the friendship with each other. And how's that gonna happen? It's gonna happen through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. And then when you've gotten to know each other pretty well, then you go on a trip together to see how you might handle some of the conflicts that can happen in a trip. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and I can't do that. Yeah, it's really hard to build that friendship over the phone because all it is is a chemical reaction happening over the phone and not an actual bonding action. So for a relationship to actually build some deep roots of trust.  And I don't mean a 24 hours, three days in a row, 24 hours, that doesn't count. I'm talking about in bits and pieces that the max 10 hours in any given day but probably somewhere between two and six and do this over a period of time. Even Steve Harvey who wrote the book, act like a lady, thinks like a man, suggests to women waiting 90 days to be physically intimate with one another. I'm saying put in at least eight hour or excuse me, a hundred hours of face to face time or what you can do is read the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman before that penis ever gets to go inside that vagina because that's going to determine if the guy is really genuinely serious about something or he's in it for the short run. Because ultimately, if you wanna build that kind of relationship where you don't have to worry about no contact or anything, then you're gonna have to build it from the roots and folks, men aren't thinking about this, they're not. Men of the gas, you are the brakes, you are the emotional container of the relationship.  They're using this book before they have sex and it's working wonders. I'm getting email after email after email. Not to mention all the clients I've been calling me lately. I mean, I've had one marriage, two engagements and four, five now, just in the last three weeks of clients who've told me they're in a fully committed relationship. By the way, there's a link below that's a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So if you wanna change the narrative, then recognize that building trust through friendship and trust means I care about your feelings as, excuse me, he cares about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings and he has your back. That's what's going to take the relationship to the next level when you build that level of trust. And if you haven't built trust before sex, you have a good chance of having it implode. Because ultimately, what's gonna make a man think about you a lot and want a serious relationship is first establishing that commitment of friendship, that building of friendship together. Friendship is that space where you feel like you can talk to this person. So I'm gonna share those five things that gives you some insight as to whether a man is thinking about you and wants something serious. Because I know you've all been waiting for that, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and I've got my notes. And really quickly, number one, and this happens very early on in the stage. He's vulnerable. He's authentic and most important, he's transparent. Vulnerable means he's capable of expressing fear to you or insecurities or doubts. I know maybe not on the first, second, or third date, but even someone who has a little bit of fear is actually vulnerability according to Brene Brown is the most courageous thing a person can do, man or woman alike, because that's your truth if you're feeling a little bit vulnerable at any point in the relationship. Being authentic means that your actions consistently match your words. You're in a state of integrity.  If you're not familiar with the book four agreements, check out the link below to all the Jonathan recommend books, the four agreements. Because that's not what an authentic person does. And lastly, transparency. And transparency simply means if it's material to the relationship, you're gonna speak up about what's coming up, if it's material to the relationship. That demonstrate that he's thinking about you actually and he wants something serious. Number two, he sees the real you and he still is there. You know, I look at dating profile pictures.  All the Snapchat filters and everything is quite frankly a turnoff to me. Not to suggest that you shouldn't be wearing makeup or anything like that. I'm not even suggesting that. I'm just saying when it's over doctored up, you're actually could be setting yourself up for failure on a first date. But beyond that, he sees the real you. That you that doesn't wear makeup and he still finds you beautiful. The you that goes to the bathroom, maybe in front of him and he still doesn't care. The part of you that's vulnerable, authentic and transparent and he still wants to spend time with you. That's a sign he's thinking about you a lot and he wants a serious relationship with you when you could be vulnerable, when you can speak your truth from a kind place. And by the way, my book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? Chapter one, Speak Your Truth, Do It From a Kind Place. Ladies, I see so many of you so reluctant to speak your truth to a man. But that's being real. One of the things when I work with clients over and over and over and over again is just that capacity to speak up because it is your realness that we're gonna eventually fall in love with. Did you guys ever see the movie when Harry Met Sally? Sally was a bit neurotic. I mean, Harry was a misogynist so that's another conversation. But she was quite neurotic, that was the real her. He didn't run away because we appreciate the realness of you. It's the fakeness that's going on today. It's the game playing, these no contact rule kind of bullshit games that's causing a lot of dysfunctionality in the dating process. And number three, he apologizes when he needs to. He knows how to fight fair and fighting fair simply means, fighting fair means he's gonna, when there's conflict, when there's tension between the two of you, he listens to your point of view and he accepts your point of view as being true for you. Ladies, I know you've been told about gas lighting where when someone gets defense, they get defensive because you criticized or judge them and they turn it around and make it about you. That's not the way an emotional grownup operates in a relationship. That's the way an emotionally unhealthy person operates in relationship. And sadly, I'm gonna say something too and I think it's really important to recognize this. The vast majority of humans are emotionally, have weak emotional skills, weak relationship skills and weak emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my chart, emotional maturity relationship skills, roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. By the way, this is not a fact, it's an opinion. And while I stayed over here, 20% are relatively healthy. I'm being rather generous there. Most everybody is dysfunctional. And you wonder why, and by the way, this is women too.  And yet, I mean, I personally know some great men who are in awesome relationships with women. I have clients now falling in love in a way that they never have before because they're stopped playing the games and started to be real with each other. Both of them. By doing this work, you set yourself up for success, not failure. That's why I recommend book after book after book. But a book I'm recommending a lot these days is, I hear you, the surprisingly simple skill behind extraordinary relationships. I highly recommend reading these books because folks, it's time to change the narrative. The old way of dating doesn't work. It never did to begin with because most relationships up until the last 50 years have been ridiculously dysfunctional when you consider we have a 50% divorce rate for first marriages, 65 for second marriages and 75 for third marriages. And people that are still married, half of them are miserable. You wanna change the narrative and then start from the inside out. That's why coming back to my book, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you can actually come at this from an empowered place. You don't have to be in your feminine energy and just leaning back. You can be in your empowered energy because that's what's attractive to an empowered male. Number four, he's willing to compromise. I see so many of you with men who are, it's all about their way of doing things and you're the one compromising. Compromising means trade-off and he's willing to compromise as much as you're gonna compromise because there isn't this perfect dynamic going on all the time. But whether it's your lifestyles or schedules, there's a fairness between the two of you. It's not one-sided. When it's one-sided, it's a misaligned relationship. It's a misaligned relationship. And number five, and this is my favorite one. After sex, he's still committed to you. After sex, he's still committed to you. He wants to even spend more time with you. As I started this broadcast, I talked about these guys that come on strong and then disappear. When a guy is serious, he wants to move deeper into the relationship and that tells you, all of these tells you he's thinking about you a lot because what's most important as I said in the beginning is that that friendship has been built and it takes a good two or three months of doing shit together for that to happen. This is why I'm a big proponent of don't jumping into bed until you've actually done a lot of activities together. And if you don't know what to do, grab a deck of cards and play gin rummy together one night or get a backgammon game. Backgammon's fun. My mom and dad, there's a picture of mom and dad. They used to play every single night after we had dinner and the kids kind of went off to do their own things. They played backgammon for hours. And by the way, it played for a dollar a game and you thought it was World War three. Sadly, we could be having that right now, but my mom and dad, that was their play time. It's play, it's fun, it's laughter. Going to a comedy show or just walking somewhere and just seeing what's going on in the world. That's what's going to build deeper roots of trust. Not all this, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.  That's not building anything. What's going to build things, what's going to build a relationship is when you can be that vulnerable, authentic, transparent self, you and him. And if you're building those deep roots of trust through friendship, you don't have to worry about playing any games. And you don't even have to second guess if he's serious about you. You will know because he's progressing the relationship forward, just like you're progressing the relationship forward. Is this sinking in, is this resonating with you? Please let me know, post a comment. All right, I think it's time to move on to our Q and A of our live stream. For those who know my format, there's a chat box there. If you write the word question or post the question there after, I'm going to answer as many questions as I can or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away. There he is right there, there he is right there. The scholarship fund is to help defray the cost of personal development for those who need it and also to donate to things like the Hoffman process and insight seminars.org. I highly recommend checking out the Hoffman process and insight seminars.org and that can be done online. All right, let's jump into work Q and A. Jan says, thank you, Jonathan, I appreciate it. By the way, if you're listening to the recording, you won't be able to see any of this. I did see a Super Sticker a little while ago from Allison. And by the way, Allison, thank you so much for that $5 earlier, five pounds. Okay, question. She says, after doing a lot of personal self-development, spiritual and emotional resilience work, coming back from the brink of suicide, I'm in great shape. Do you agree a man has to deserve me?  So then do we deserve each other? Might be a better way of looking at it. That's just kind of off the cuff, how I feel about that. What I most would invite you to look at is not about deserving one another, does he deserve me? But I'd rather you look at it this way. Are we aligned with each other? Do we share the same values? Are our lifestyles blendable? And more importantly, do we have the emotional maturity? Do we have the relationship skills to build something together?  And did I bring the other book? Oh, there's a book, I don't have it right now. There's a book by the guy who started eHarmony called Two Dates, D-A-T-E-S. And it talks about the 25 areas of compatibility. By the way, I know many of you may not like eHarmony, that's not the point. I'm talking about the book is brilliant, talking about real compatibility. His belief was if you took compatibility and ignited it with chemistry, you're gonna have a relationship success. And he claims to have roughly a 3% divorce rate for people that got paired up through his site. I'm not saying that's accurate. What I do believe alignment is a lot more important than thinking about deserving. Deserving to me feels like I'm better than someone. I don't operate from deserve, I operate from do we mutually want to be with each other? Now, I set my standard, I'm just sharing my personal now, I set my standard very high. That's because a lot of women can't communicate at the level I'm at. I require a sapio-sexual that actually has the skills to communicate their thoughts, feelings and emotions in a way that's seen, heard and understood.  I see it in the chat boxes all the time. Every single time you write one complaint about a man, it is literally victim consciousness. It's victim consciousness. I don't complain about human beings. What I do is draw attention, attention to the dysfunctionality. So there's a big difference. And there's a difference between complaining and venting. Complaining is usually in a blame mode. Venting is getting something out. It's one of the reasons why I scream so much. I'm trying to get it all out. And then I'm venting is also about seeking solutions. And I know it went up on attention here coming back to deserving. So ultimately, I want you to sit in your power and say, I seek a man that meets me where I'm at, that where we meet each other where we're at in that place of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So we can communicate at a level that we can be both seen, heard and understood, where we can play and laugh together, where our lifestyles are compatible, where we can learn how to handle conflicts and differences in these. And most important, not most importantly, but as importantly is that we like to, we like, we are incredibly attracted to each other.  That's my invitation, make that prayer for you instead of looking at it as a deserving. Does that help Allison? I hope it does. I'm just off the cuff on that one. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And by the way, I will say this, I wasn't on the brink of suicide. I lived in a space where I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up. I went to, I was at a space in my life where I wished I didn't wake up. And so I've been there. And I know to dig yourself out of the pit of despair takes a lot of work. And so bravo to you for doing that work and to anyone else that is doing that heroic work of doing inner work and doing it on a daily basis. Most humans spend more time brushing their teeth, combing their hair and trying to pick out their shoes.  And I don't mean the blood pressure, I mean the emotional heart. And so reading these books, watching videos, listening to podcasts, going to workshops and trainings, seeing a therapist, all of that is designed to heal the emotional heart. And when you come out of it, you're much stronger. It's like a vaccination to emotional chaos. And that is my invitation for everyone. So once again, Allison, thank you so much. I appreciate the super sticker and the question as well. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go, oh, excavation. I said earlier, excavation, expulsion, excretion. Thank you all so much. All right, I appreciate that. Let's go down to the bottom here. Oh my God, we got so much. Let's go swimming. Heather, hey, sweetheart. By the way, Heather recommended that I watch the show Nine Perfect Strangers on Hulu.  It is worth, I binged it. I mean, she told me about it yesterday. I purchased Hulu at four o'clock and I stayed up till one in the morning. I was hooked. I'm not gonna give away any of the secrets because it's my jam, or like what was in it was my jam. But I will tell you, Nine Perfect Strangers, folks, I've done the Hoffman process, which is very similar to what happens in the storyline. I've done many spiritual retreats, which is partially what's in the storyline. I've done insight seminars. All of these workshops and trainings, I was like, it was like releasing the 800 pound gorilla that's been in my life. I'll read the question in a moment.  From losing all my money in the marketplace in 2008, going through a divorce, getting hooked on drugs and alcohol, going to bed wishing I didn't wake up, coming back to the previous comment. I was in the pit of despair. And it wasn't until I read the book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and then it was the movie, The Secret. And of course, I purchased Tony Robbins CDs along the way and I began watching Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks and Marianne Williamson, love her work. Here's her book, Return to Love, Marianne Williamson. This is the CD. And doing all this was like, it was like crawling out of the pit of emotional despair. And I'm gonna tell you something. This journey has been at least 10 years in the making. I'm not here today. And I would say the last four years, I've been on a dramatic experience after losing my mother. There's a picture of mom and dad and my son Connor. And then my father moving back to Europe and my business tanking. And I was back in that pit of despair, but in a different place because for the 10 years prior, I did so much work so I could handle the loss of a child. It's interesting. I don't wanna give away the storyline, but there's something similar to in that story that resonates with me. And I share this with you because everybody's hurting in some way, shape, or form. You don't have to lose a child to be hurting, although as a parent, there is no other tragedy that can happen in your life. But I'm here to say we're all hurting in some way. And it's going to take time to dig our way out to a place of having the ground underneath us stable and what's sadly, I see this from women is you operate from a place of, from the dating premises. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And this is why you're so susceptible to the limerence and lust that I talked about earlier, which is now coined as love bombing. And again, I'm guilty of doing it dozens of times. I was unconscious to the chemical cocktail that happens when you feel limerence, when you feel physical attraction and when you want to get your nut off, I'm sorry. It's part of the male process. And yet these days I'm not looking for a heart on, I'm looking for a heart on.  And I share all this with you is this isn't going to happen for most of you unless you begin to work yourself so you aren't susceptible to the dysfunctional people out there. Now it's going to be harder. It's going to be the needle in the haystack, but I promise you it's worth it. It is so worth it because there's a person that's been in the pit several times and this last time was a tough one losing my son, but at the same time, I know he would want me to be victorious. I know he would want me to thrive in my life. So in his honor, I do this work for all of you because I'm passionate about making a difference. And I spend most hours talking, talking, talking, talking just to bring some joy in people's lives. And I'm so grateful for the messages you all send me. So thank you so much. I went off on a tangent there. Let me answer Heather's question. Question, how do I avoid becoming his therapist? I love psychology, study behavior analysis and I enjoy those discussions, but men open up very soon about everything and we fall into the trap. This is a great question because I'm guilty of kind of being the therapist. Here's the thing. It requires putting a mirror up, a mirror, a mirror up. Can you see me there? You can see me looking in the mirror and say, what is about me that is attracted to helping others at my own expense? What do I get out of this? What do I get out of helping others at my own expense? Now there's nothing wrong with helping others. That's okay, Jonathan, but not at the compromise of self. A successful relationship. Jonathan, a successful relationship is a two lane street where you're both giving to each other and you're both receiving each other.  It's about a mutual volley of give and take to each other.  If he needs a therapist, have him go find one. Your job in the beginning stage of the relationship is to get to know each other at a deeper level and not to be a support person because then it's on you. It's on you if you do that. And ladies, you oftentimes blame the men. That's your fault. You got to take ownership on that. So that's just my rough thoughts on that. Did that help, Heather? I hope so. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Barbara says, I wanna thank you for your wisdom and understanding. I appreciate it. I'm assuming that's for me. Lee Hong says, deserve is a dominant word. I feel the same way. I do feel the same way. All right. Marlene says, thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Lynn says, I love you. Oh, thank you. Allison, thank you so much. I'm glad you asked that question. All right, let's see what we have here. Oh my gosh, I'm loving this. Jonathan, coach, amazing big brother. Awesome advice is the books, the videos. Thank you so much. All right. Let's go. Oh, here we go. N-V-S question.  Yes, because let me tell you why. If you're not a fit, better to find out sooner rather than later.  I'm talking about you two being aligned in who you are and what you want. It's a good start. And then check out the book, Two Dates by Neil Clark Warren. Two Dates by Neil Clark Warren. Highly recommend that. What else? Oh, remember, everybody is a stranger. So purchase the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. What you should know about the people you don't know.  I've read it several times so a woman doesn't have to worry about that with me. Watch me pull, it says, Eight Dates is great and relaxing into my feminine energy is not disempowered at all, quite the opposite. I understand how you feel. It's just, it's my languaging. I believe in empowered energy rather than terming it in a male female terminology. That's all, that's all. I'm more for empowered energy. So thank you so much. All right, let's go, Sim and Kelly, sweetheart. How are you doing? Thank you for your authenticity. As always, the truth is liberating versus living in the dream world. Oh, folks, I have this, I just came up with a quote. I'm gonna come up with a meme on this, but I wanna read this to you all. I wanna read this. It was just a quote that popped in my head today.  Oh, darn it, darn it, darn it. Oh, man, okay, this is a Jonathan quote.  Let me repeat that. Men, what I mean by fantasy, it's all the love bombing. That's what the men are fantasizing about the future. So men express their fantasy of the future before sex and women dream of the fantasy of commitment after sex.  Anyways, I'm playing with that quote, so thank you for allowing me to share that. All right, watch me pull dances. The truth is the truth, whether it's Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson or any great spiritual teachers, that's how you know the teachings are real and it resonates so that you feel it. Yes, I agree. All right, let's keep going. Oh, here we go, Abel says, question. I went on two dates. I really like him, but tried to play it cool and not see him. He took it, he took it, me not making effort. We ended things, but I can't stop thinking about him. How do I get him back? Well, first off, you never had him to begin with. Two dates is not enough to have someone.  So how about send him a text message? We'll call him Tim. Hey, Tim, there's something really personal I'd like to share with you. Is it okay if we jump on the phone for a few minutes? Can you pick a time that works for you? And just see how he responds to that. There's something personal I wanna share with you. Now he might create some fear, but just say it's nothing serious. Just say you could put in quotes, it's nothing serious. And you get on the phone, just say, you know what? I want you to know that I really enjoyed our time together and I probably acted a little bit aloof because I've been told by all those knucklehead dating coaches to play it cool. And I realized that was a turnoff for you. By the way, you don't have to say that piece. I'm just, I'm elaborating a little bit. You can simply say, I really enjoyed your company and I realized I was being a little bit aloof. And I'd like to make it up to you. Are you free for drinks on Thursday night? Are you free for dinner on Friday? I'd like to make it up to you if you're still interested in getting to know one another. And if you're not, that's absolutely okay too. You could even send that in a voice text. You could hit, you know, your text message, hit voice text and send it as a voice text. You know what? If he's the right guy, he'll pick it up. If he likes you, he'll pick it up and he'll say, yeah, I'd like to see you. If he doesn't, then you guys move on. I wouldn't hold a lot of space for someone. Don't, ladies, you have a habit of doing unrequited, unrequited love, which ain't healthy for you. It ain't healthy for you. So that's my suggestion. Will you try it and let me know how it works? I appreciate it, Abel. Abie, thanks so much. Ah, let's keep swimming. NBS says, thank you, Jonathan, you're wonderful. I appreciate it. Lee says, question. I know you're not a fan of long-distance relationship, but I met a man in NC and I'm in New York. We're reading eight dates on the television. Do we, we do hope if we do seek months, okay. I'm trying to figure out what your question is, but I'm assuming that you're saying, you guys have, you've met long distance. You live in North Carolina. He lives in New York. You're doing a video chat and you're reading the book eight dates. Here's the problem. That's a virtual relationship until you're doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together. That's how you build the deep roots of trust. It's hard to build trust over the phone. And so, or through even Zoom.  So that's my invitation for you. It's very difficult to build a relationship long distance. Very difficult unless you have a plan. So right now, if you're not gonna see each other for six months, you're holding out a long time for someone that this may not even be real.  And it's hard enough to build a relationship when you live around the corner from one another, let alone long distance. But you know what? What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. I'm here to say this. If it's real, then you find a way to see each other on a regular basis. And if it's not, or I mean, if it's, if you can't, then it's a role of the, you know what, then you know what you do. You pray, dear God, universe, spirit, no matter what happens in this dynamic, please give me to the strength that even if I have my heart ripped out, broken, and stomped on, I will still be emotionally safe to be healthy and happy in my life. I'm sorry I had to be that graphic, but that's my invitation for you. So thank you so much, Lee, I appreciate it. All right, Heather says manifest that fantasy instead, exactly. Oh, I love this from Susan. Wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment. I actually heard this a little bit different. Good judgment comes from a lot of bad judgment. But that's the way I heard it, so. No, Jonathan, you misunderstood. We have a plan to spend six months in each home once the books is finished. Okay, well, I misunderstood. Good luck then. Oh, Alexandra says great quote. Yes, empowerment, not fake, not male or female, just like all this advice. Thank you so much. Ah, let's see. Do we have any questions? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. All right, all right, you know, we're gonna save the last few minutes if you have any personal questions to ask of me, Jonathan. I'm gonna save these last few minutes if you have anything you'd like to ask of me personally about Jonathan Asley. I'm happy to share some personal trivial things with you. If you're interested, I'm happy to do that for the last few minutes. Anything you'd like to know about me personally, post a comment below. Purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. Let's give some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. I wanna donate some money soon to the Hoffman Process and Insights Seminar, so please purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All right, Heather, question, personal question. Are more books in the works? For me, actually before I wrote What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, I began writing a book called Compassionate Dating, Why Modern Romance Needs a Makeover. And I was about a third into the book, but it just was stuck. And when Connor passed away, it was like, so I wanna share a story. I did a post shortly after he passed away saying, I'm thinking about writing a book about self love. And I had a woman reach out to me and said, Jonathan, do you need help writing the book? I'm a ghost writer. I said, wow, thank you. So what I did was I recorded my book, I recorded 30 different chapters. Roughly about 15 minutes per chapter was my thoughts on each chapter. And she took my thoughts and put music to it. And that's how What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway was birthed. And by the way, there's a link below. And you know what? She did it for free. Can you believe that? She's, here's the thing. I wanna read you my, here, hold on one second, everybody. She's the first acknowledgement. I wanna thank Jennifer Matthews from the bottom of my heart who like an angel came down and held my hand and said, let's get this book written because it's so needed. It would not have been birthed without your talent, generosity and love. And she said, I wanna gift this, oh, makes me cry. She wanted to gift her work to me for Connor. This was literally several months after he passed away. I cannot begin to tell you the generosity of so many people. My audio book isn't my voice because I have dyslexia. So it's hard for me to read my own writing. And I had a dear friend literally offered to gift me to do the audio portion of my book. She has a British accent. She's a dear friend. I struggle, I just like Connor. Connor had major dyslexia. Even at age 18, he had a horrific time being able to read even a menu at a restaurant. He struggled mightily, just like I do. It's taken me a tremendous amount of work just to be able to communicate in a way that isn't a dysfunctional way with my written words. So that's why I struggle writing the second book. If I had the right ghostwriter and I could just pump out my thoughts maybe. But thankfully for Jennifer, she made this happen. And this has been my pride and joy. And I am so grateful for all of you that have purchased it. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. And thank you for asking that question, Heather. I really appreciate it. All right. Jennifer says, what are first date questions? That's what I teach in my private coaching program. Check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with your coach is right for you. But here's a great first date question. What not, what are you looking for? What you basically say, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a relationship? If the answer is yes. What are you looking for in a relationship? And what does commitment look like for you? You want to hear what it looks like for them. And this is what's gonna sound like. What, what, what, what, what, what?  So anyway, that's just my rough thoughts of those tasks, those questions. Thank you so much. Thank you for the don't chase video step back and he's walking forward. You're very welcome.  He has changed yourself. You know what? Yes, Colin who's right there, right there. Oh, I love that picture. He just texted me, meet you at the Jacuzzi 20 minutes after your show.  He came over today, we're gonna be doing, he's teaching me how to do what's called reaction video. So yes, I am beyond grateful that he is nearby. Burley says, are you seeing anyone special at the moment? No, I spend a lot of time prospecting, you know, I call it prospecting, pre-qualifying people to go out on dates with, but I haven't had a first date in, gosh. I haven't had a first date. Well, I had a friendship date with a woman a few weeks ago, but that was friends. I haven't had a first date in three months. Just no one excites me. By the way, I've been ghosted three times in the last three months. I've been totally ghosted. So I've micro ghosting, I mean they disappeared. So anyway, it'll happen when it happens. It'll happen when it happens. Thank you for the question, I appreciate it. Oh, about your book called Heart-Centered Dating. No, it's called Compassionate Dating, why modern romance needs a makeover. I'm just still, I need someone to help me ghost write it. So thank you. Lee says, are you aware of any books on long distance relationships? No, I'm not, but you can go to, just type in Amazon. Check it, try it that way. How do you like living in California? I love living in California, folks. I love, love, love living in California. Let me tell you, that was my view the other night. That's the view from my balcony.  So thank you for asking. Lee says, stay strong, Jonathan. We need you, thank you so much. Is chivalry gone forever? Remember, chivalry implies weakness from the other person. So chivalry is about strength for weak people. So if you're a weak person, I'm sure there's a strong person for you. But if you're not, I'm not a big fan of chivalry. What I'm a fan of grown-up behavior, grown-up behavior, two grown-ups meeting each other on the 50 yard line. Because you don't need chivalry. What you need is two grown-ups. That's my invitation for you anyway. Thank you so much. Jack says, I'm very sorry for the loss of your son, Jonathan, may I ask what was the cause of his death? So I don't think I've actually shared this publicly. It was an accident. You know, in his honor, I'm not gonna share what it is publicly, but I'll just say it was an accident. But the specifics, in his honor, I'm not gonna share that. And he was a few weeks after his 19th birthday. So that's how he died in the accident. Thank you so much. Oh, I don't know how to pronounce the name. I bought your book today. Thanks for helping me get in touch with my sovereignty. Thank you so much for the 1999 Super Sticker. That is so sweet of you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Oh God, I can't pronounce it properly. Okay, AAZ7, thank you so much. Jennifer says, thank you for responding to my question. Lynn says, if you have a list of all the things you want in a perfect girl, have you ever thought of shortening the list? My list is actually, my core list is this. We are totally into each other. We're totally into each other. She is totally into life.  And that means personal development or spiritual work. She's passionate about the things that I'm passionate about. What was the third thing? I had to, I was just toying with this the other day. And she basically has her house in order. In other words, she's not completely a train wreck in her life. If we're in, she's into me is what I'm asking for. And I'm into her. She's totally as passionate in her life, particularly in the areas that I have passion in. And she has her house in order. After that, I'm seeking that alignment, because it's a lot harder when there's not alignment, but those are the three things I look for to kind of begin the process. Does that help you, Lynn? I hope it does. All right. Watch me says, thank you spirit for allowing whatever happens in the relationship to be the highest good of all concerned. Amen. Oh, I wanna thank Abby for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much. Angelique, Angelina, my eldest son passed away. I completely appreciate how precious those moments with our kids are. God bless your efforts. There are no words.  And in this moment, you're in my prayers. And I'm praying that God universe spirit gives you the strength that Connor gave me to not grieve with suffering. To grieve with love. And that's my choice for you. And that's my invitation for you to grieve with love.  All right. This is gonna be the last question. What's your moon and rising sign? Love your Leo passion enthusiasm so much. I'm a Virgo son Sagittarius moon sag rising astrology. So folks, I have four houses in Leo and one note in Leo. My rising is Leo and I think my moon is Leo.  All right. This will be the last question Dave. You said micro ghosting recently. What is that? Micro ghosting.  Micro ghosting is when you began communicating with one another and then they disappear. Disappear. That's micro ghosting. It's kind of like the old form of standing you up or not showing interest. So that's micro ghosting. Thank you for that question. Folks, I'm gonna run by those five signs he thinks about you and wants a serious relationship. First off, he's vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Number two, he sees the real you and he still wants to hang out with you. He apologizes. He knows how to fight fair. He's willing to compromise when there's something when there's a conflict in your lifestyles and schedules. And lastly, after sex, he's committed to you. All right. I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. Folks off from the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you all so much. Please share this video with your friends. Please like this video if you appreciate the content. Check out the links below to a free discovery call. My group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can follow me on Instagram. You can check out my books. I recommend and also my podcast and you can grab my free gift. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do.  So, love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wanna thank Sherriot and Jamie and Jennifer and Jennifer says Leo's are fabulous and Jackie and Angelina and Aubrey and Roe and Lee and Jenny. Jenny, you're in, sweetheart. Abby, Trudy, big hugs to you. Lynn, all of you, thank you so much. Wishing you a fab evening. Bye-bye now.


Hey guys, so we're going to film a little video here with my telephone, so if the picture looks a little odd, now you know why. If you have seen any of my recent videos or vlogs, you know that I've been obsessed with slow stitching and I've been doing a lot of it, excuse me allergies. If you follow me on social media, you've seen this spool piece that was inspired by Anne, a Brooke textile artist here on YouTube. I'll link her channel below. She has a so for the soul handmade Instagram community that's really fun to be a part of and follow along with. And anyway, they've inspired me to do this rainbow spool piece, which I'm not done with. I'm actually waiting for something to come in that I ordered to do. I want to do an edging on here. I took one of my decorative stick pins I made like a million years ago, and I'm going to use that to keep it on the spool. Now I can't get it to stick in there. So anyway, I've also been doing lots of small flat pieces, which of course you could use for journal covers or just frame them and hang them on the wall. Anyway, the slow stitching thing the hand stitching thing is a lot is a lot of fun. I got asked what is slow stitching so it's a kind of a combination of fabric collage. In my opinion and what I'm doing is a combination of fabric collage, hand sewing embroidery and that sort of those sort of textile arts. In the case of this one, I took this and I made it into a paper clip. So I did one of my art paper clips with it and it's actually you can clip it to the front of a journal or something. So one of the things I really wanted to use or have as part of my stuff that I'm doing my slow stitching with was linen buttons. Now vintage linen buttons are really expensive and hard to come by here in the US. Most of the time when I see listings for them online, they're from Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, somewhere that the price is already not super inexpensive. But shipping is going to just be astronomical not only to and also take forever right now given the current world situation here in the spring of 2020. So if you're watching this in the future, Google it. I did find these fabric covered buttons at a supplier in California in San Francisco. It's called General Bead. They are in San Francisco on Minna Street between 7th and 8th. I know exactly where that is. If I'm not mistaken, that's in the Old Garment District. And these are great and they look very much like some of the vintage linen buttons. I don't think they're covered in linen, but they would work definitely. And then I also got inspired by an Instagrammer whose her Instagram handle I'll put like right here somewhere. She was making her own version of linen buttons and she did hers a little bit differently. But she definitely gave me an idea for doing mine. And I made a bunch of these yesterday and these are just I'm going to show you how to how I made these. So I did these and these are just covered in plain, unbleached muslin. And then I thought after I made them, OK, that's cool. Now I have a stash of them. I'm good. And then I thought overnight and I thought, no, you know what? I really want to take some of my eco-died fabric. Here's some little scraps of the pieces that I was using. I eco-died some fabric not long ago with some chamelea flowers. I will link that video in the description below. And I have a big stack of it now and I thought I really want to make buttons with that chamelea fabric, which I did and I love them.  I'll show you how I am sort of distressing the edges. Now my idea was not to have them look perfect. They're not intended for use on a garment. These are intended to be used on an art piece. They're not intended to ever be washed or anything like that.  I think they would make a great button closure for a journal cover, whether the journal cover was made out of paper and chipboard or made out of cloth. This actually would be a cute, not only an embellishment, but a journal cover. So this is the front side. And this is the back. This is the back side. All right, so what you have is, and I have a bunch of these Wonder Clips. They come in handy in all kinds of sewing and fabric projects, but especially slow stitching, just FYI. Okay, so what I have in the middle is a washer.  You want to be able to stick your finger in it. It's easier to sew through. You want a piece of something to cushion it. This is just cotton batting, but you definitely could use felt. I was chatting with my friend Leslie McGrath from Leslie's Creative Studio, and she said, what about a used dryer sheet that you've ironed? Anything to sort of cushion or add some weight to the cotton that you're going to put on the outside would work. You're going to use a dryer sheet. You might want to use two layers of dryer sheet, but yeah, that would definitely work. A piece of old flannel would work. Two pieces of cotton, if that's all you had. The washer is also silver, so like in the case of these, I didn't want the silver color to show through the muslin, so that was another reason for adding the cotton batting. What does Anne call it? She calls it wadding. I think that's what she calls it. Anyways, cotton batting, thin cotton batting. So you need a rectangle of cotton batting, and you need a rectangle of your outer fabric, and then we're going to make a sandwich, a washer sandwich. So we're going to put our batting on the wrong side of the fabric. This is the side I want to have be on the outside. At one end, I'm going to put the washer, and then I'm going to fold the fabric in half. Now I'm going to feel with my finger where the washer is. I want it a little bit away from the fold, but I also don't want it too close to the cut edge. One of these ones I did, this one, is a little bit close to the cut edge. You see that? So it'll still be fine, but that's a little close. So then just assemble your little sandwiches like this, and then I have usually a whole stack of them before I get started with the stitching. You're going to need an embroidery needle, a sharp one, and some embroidery floss. Now this is DMC embroidery floss. This is color 3688. It's a rosy pink. It's a six strand embroidery floss, so you want to divide it into three strands. If you know basics of embroidery, then you know how to do that. If you don't, maybe I should show you. All right, let's see. Hold on.  I can always wind it back on here. Hold on. You kind of need to see my face. So yes, I've got my reading glasses on. So DMC floss is six-stranded, as is a lot of embroidery floss. I won't say all of it, because I don't think that's actually true. So you want to divide it into three strands and three strands. Pull them apart. So you have three in one set of fingers and three in the other. And then just pull. So now you have two sets of three that you can sew with. I actually have another one over here. That's fine. All right, back to the table. Okay, so now we're going to take our sandwich. I'm going to put the clip on the side. I'm holding the washer with this hand and keeping it in place. I'm going to open up my sandwich, and I want to hide as many of the knots as possible. While I do want them rough and primitive, and I don't mind a little bit of strings and knots, I don't want to be crazy with it. So I'm going to start by putting my needle into the center of the washer from the inside and pushing it out to the back and pulling, and that'll hide at least that one knot on the inside of the button. Then I'm going to go on that same side near where I just came out of and go back through all the layers through the center of the washer and come up the top. I can feel where the center of the washer is with my thumb. Then feeling where the other side is, I'm going to go back through all the way. See? All the way. Pull it out. Pull it kind of taut. Then I'm going to go up over here somewhere. Feel with your needle in the thumb where the other side of the washer is. If you want to be really precise about it, before you start stitching, you could lay your washer on top and you could draw with a pencil. Yeah, I'm not... I don't want to do that. Okay, so now we have our X in the middle, our washer is secure in there. It's not going to go too far. It will move a little bit, but not too much. So now what I want to do, so I don't have too many strings on the back, is I'm going to go in near where I just came out, but I'm not going to go all the way through. I'm going to come up the middle like that between all the layers near where the washer is. Then I'm going to find the edge of the washer and I'm going to go out the back like this. Okay, now we're ready to do a back stitch around the outside. So now right near where I just came out the back, I'm going to come up. I'm going to feel with my needle where the edge of the washer is. Oops. See, I can feel with my needle. Can you see that where the edge of the washer is? And I can feel it with my thumb. So I'm going to come through all the layers. And then I'm going to feel with my thumb and the needle again. Go through back down through all the layers. Then I'm going to skip a little bit of a stitch here like this.  Then I'm going to go back down right there at the top of the other stitch I already made. And then you get that back stitch. I'm going to do that again. So we're going to go about equal distance.  Mine are definitely uneven. So we're going to skip a little bit and come up over here. Then go back down the top of the last stitch. I'm going to do that all the way around the button. So let me do that and I'll be right back. Okay, once you get to the end, which is over here, then take your needle after you tie a knot and run it through the back of the button like this and pull like that until your little tail comes out here and then trim that. And then most of your tail end is all hidden. And on this one, I got a little too close to the edge on the backside, but that's okay. It's going to be fine. So now we have to trim them. So I'm going to take a sharp pair of scissors here and I'm going to trim around the excess fabric and batting. I don't know, eighth of an inch away from my stitching or so like this. So I'm going to do all of these. Okay, once you have them all roughly cut out and you don't need to be super precise about it, I certainly haven't been because we're going to distress the edges anyway. Now, when I did the first set of buttons, these ones, I did them with a pin and I just went around the edges and pulled out threads like this with a pin. Then I realized I had these sharp pointy needle nose tweezers which are much easier and I just take the two points of the tweezer, hold them a little bit close together, but not super close and I just go around the button and pull out threads and some of the batting and make the edge less perfect. It's not perfect to begin with, that's a bad choice of words. Less cleanly cut and more rough and distressed. There you go. And I do it all around the button. I usually start on the front side and then it'll look like this. Then I'll turn it over and I'll do the back side.  Then I'm just going to clip off some of the super hairy bits. Then I just kind of do this and then you have something like that. That's cute, huh? All right, let me do the rest. I'll be back. Okay, so here are our finished buttons out of the Camellia dyed fabric. How cute are they? And then here are some of my buttons out of just plain muslin. And honestly, I like these store-bought ones, but I almost like the handmade ones better. They're not hard to make. For the first batch of these, I just rated my husband's toolbox for washers. I used Apollo's washers. And so then I had to get some more. But if your husband's like mine and he's got a stash of washers and screws and things out in his garage, I did ask first. Ask first and see if there's any out there that you can have. Again, you want them with a large hole. So I now have a box of washers.  That makes it too hard, I think, to make the buttons. You could use chipboard or cardboard or something, especially if you have a die-cut machine and you have the right kind of dies to cut circles and then punch a hole in the middle. That would totally work. I just like the communes of washers. And honestly, the washers give it a nice weight. So I am super happy with these. So I want to thank the Instagrammer from So For This Old Handmade who inspired me to make these. I so much appreciate it again. But she's part of So For This Old Handmade. I will put the hashtag down below. You can copy and paste it over on Instagram and do a search and find them. The other thing is spools. So we're doing the spool project, right? And you'll see that Anne has her spool project. She has a few antique spools, but she has a friend who makes some spools for her. And I thought, huh, I wonder if my husband could make me some spools. Which he did. I did actually distress this one a little bit. So he made me some spools. Now he did put these round headed screws on them to attach them. So it doesn't, yeah, it kind of does that. I'm okay with that. I plan on displaying them this way.  But he made me a whole bunch of these. So if you're interested in them and you need a spool, I have one with flat screws. And the rest of them have these domed screws. So they don't sit flat. You could put buttons on the end of the screw. I mean, end of the spool. You could put, this is a wiggly, googly eye, but see, you could do something like that. So you could decorate the end of the spool and then it would sit flat. Or you could just replace the screws. But anyway, if you're interested in these, they are about $8 each plus shipping. And I could send you some. Message me my email addresses down below. They are not yet in my Etsy shop, although they may be. I haven't decided yet. Right now I have eight. Well, seven because I'm using one. But, yeah, I mean, I can get him to make some more. So they're just made out of pine. They have a light stain on them and a little bit of a sealer. But it's not anything that would interfere with distressing or painting the spool to get ready to do, you know, one of these projects on it like this here. So anyway, that's it for right now. I hope this gives you some ideas about how you can get started with your slow stitching and what you can do. And how you can make some new interesting and unique parts to using your stitching, especially right now when we can't readily get out and get things. And if you have any great ideas for slow stitching and making tools and supplies, ideas for projects, channels that I should look at, I would love to know about them. Please put something in the comments below. Don't forget to show all of your favorite creatives, whether they're in the mixed media world or slow stitching. If they're here on YouTube or they're over on Facebook, it doesn't matter. Show them awesome love, like, share, and subscribe if you can. Most all of them are going to have a way to support their channel, whether it's an Essie shop or it's a PayPal tip jar or it's an Amazon affiliate link or whatever. It's probably listed in their video description. I know mine is. I have Patreon. I have YouTube membership, all that stuff. So check it out down below. Check out their video descriptions too. If you can't find a way to support them, message them and ask. They may have it, but it may just not be listed. So we all in the creative community would very much appreciate your support, especially right now. I think that's it for right now.  Don't forget to go out and have a great day. Do something nice for yourself because you deserve it. I'm going to wind this back on my bobbin and I'll see you later. Bye, guys.