Chapter 26 of Oscar Wilde, His Life and Confessions. Oscar Wilde, His Life and Confessions, by Frank Harris. Chapter 26. The End. In a day or two, however, the clouds lifted, and the sun shone as brilliantly as ever. Oscar's spirits could not be depressed for long. He took a child's joy in living, and in every incident of life. When I left him in Paris a week or so later, in mid-summer, he was full of gaiety and humour. Talking as delightfully as ever, with a touch of cynicism that added pecancy to his wit. Shortly after I arrived in London, he wrote saying he was ill, and that I really ought to send him some money. I had already paid him more than the amount we had agreed upon at first for his scenario, and I was hard up, and anything but well. I had chronic bronchitis, which prostrated me time and again that autumn. Having heard from mutual friends that Oscar's illness did not hinder him from dining out and enjoying himself, I received his plates and requests with a certain impatience, and replied to him curtly. His illness appeared to me to be merely a pretext. When my play was accepted, his demands became as insistent as they were extravagant. Finally I went back to Paris in September to see him, persuaded that I could settle everything amicably in five minutes' talk. He must remember our agreement. I found him well in health, but childishly annoyed that my play was going to be produced, and resolved to get all the money he could from me by hook or by crook. I never met such persistence in demands. I could only settle with him decently by paying him a further sum, which I did. In the course of this bargaining and begging I realised that contrary to my previous opinion he was not gifted as a friend, and did not attribute any importance to friendship. His affection for Bosie Douglas even had given place to hatred. Indeed his liking for him had never been founded on understanding or admiration. It was almost wholly snobbish. He loved the title, the romantic name Lord Alfred Douglas. Robert Ross was the only friend of whom he always spoke with liking and appreciation. One of the wittiest of men he used to call him and would jest at his handwriting, which was peculiarly bad, but always good-naturedly. A letter merely shows that Bobby has something to conceal, but he would add, how kind he is, how good, as if Ross's devotion surprised him, as in fact it did. Ross has since told me that Oscar never cared much for him. Indeed Oscar cared so little for anyone that non-selfish affection astonished him beyond measure. He could find in himself no explanation of it. His vanity was always more active than his gratitude, as indeed it is with most of us. Now and then when Ross played mental or took him to task, he became prickly at once and would retort, Really, Bobby, you ride the high horse so well and so willingly. It seems a pity that you never tried Pegasus. Not a sneer exactly, but a wrap on the knuckles to call his monitor to order. Like most men of charming manners, Oscar was selfish and self-centered, too convinced of his own importance to spend much thought on others, yet generous to the needy and kind to all. After my return to London, he kept on begging for money by almost every post. As soon as my play was advertised, I found myself done and persecuted by a horde of people who declared that Oscar had sold them the scenario he afterwards sold to me. Several of them threatened to get in junctions to prevent me staging my play, Mr. and Mrs. Daventry, if I did not first settle with them. Naturally I wrote rather sharply to Oscar for having led me into this hornet's nest. It was in the middle of all this unpleasantness that I heard from Turner in October, I believe, that Oscar was seriously ill, and that if I owed him money, as he asserted, it would be a kindness to send it as he was in great need. The letter found me in bed. I could not say now whether I answered it or not. It made me impatient. His friends must have known that I owed Oscar nothing, but later I received a telegram from Ross saying that Oscar was not expected to live. I was ill and unable to move, or I should have gone at once to Paris. As it was, I sent for my friend Bell, gave him some money and a check, and begged him to go across, and let me know if Oscar were really in danger, which I could hardly believe. As luck would have it, the next afternoon, when I hoped Bell had started, his wife came to tell me that he had had a severe asthmatic attack, but would cross as soon as he dared. I was too hard up myself to wire money that might not be needed, and Oscar had cried wolf about his health too often to be a credible witness. Yet I was dissatisfied with myself and anxious for Bell to start. Day after day passed in troubled doubts and fears, but it was not long when a period was put to all my anxiety. A telegram came, telling me he was dead. I could hardly believe my eyes. It seemed incredible, the fount of joy and gaiety, the delightful source of intellectual vivacity and interest stilled forever. The world went grayer to me because of Oscar Wilde's death. Months afterwards, Robert Ross gave me the particulars of his last illness. Ross went to Paris in October. As soon as he saw Oscar, he was shocked by the change in his appearance. He insisted on taking him to a doctor. But to his surprise the doctor saw no ground for immediate alarm. If Oscar would only stop drinking wine and a fortiori, spirits, he might live for years. Absent was absolutely forbidden. But Oscar paid no heed to the warning, and Ross could only take him for drives whenever the weather permitted and seek to amuse him harmlessly. The will to live had almost left Oscar. So long as he could live pleasantly and without effort, he was content. But as soon as ill health came, or pain, or even discomfort, he grew impatient for deliverance. But to the last he kept his joyous humour and charming gaiety. His disease brought with it a certain irritation of the skin, annoying rather than painful. Meeting Ross one morning after a day's separation, he apologised for scratching himself. Really, he exclaimed, I'm more like a great ape than ever. But I hope you'll give me a lunch, Bobby, and not a nut. On one of the last drives with this friend, he asked for champagne. And when it was brought, declared that he was dying as he had lived, beyond his means. His happy humour lighting up even his last hours. Early in November Ross left Paris to go down to the Riviera with his mother. For Reggie Turner had undertaken to stay with Oscar. Reggie Turner describes how he grew gradually feebler and feebler, though to the end flashes of the old humour would astonish his attendance. He persisted in saying that Reggie, with his perpetual prohibitions, was qualifying for a doctor. When you can refuse bread to the hungry, Reggie, he would say, and drink to the thirsty, you can apply for your diploma. Towards the end of November Reggie wired for Ross, and Ross left everything and reached Paris next day. When all was over, he wrote to a friend, giving him a very complete account of the last hours of Oscar Wilde. It is too long and too detailed to be used here. Ross's letter should be read by the student, but several touches in it are too timid. Certain experiences that should be put in high relief are slurred over. In conversation with me he told more and told it better. For example, when talking of his drives with Oscar, he mentions casually that Oscar insisted on drinking absent, and leaves it at that. The truth is that Oscar stopped the Victoria at almost the first café, got down and had an absent. Two or three hundred yards further on he stopped the carriage again to have another absent. At the next stoppage a few minutes later Ross ventured to remonstrate.  You know the doctor said absent was poison to you. Oscar stopped on the sidewalk. And what have I to live for, Bobby? he asked gravely. And Ross, looking at him and noting the wreck, the symptoms of old age and broken health, could only bow his head and walk on with him in silence. What indeed had he to live for, who had abandoned all the fair uses of life? The second scene is horrible, but is, so to speak, the inevitable resultant of the first, and has its own awful moral. Ross tells how he came one morning to Oscar's deathbed, and found him practically insensible. He describes the dreadful loud death-rattle of his breath, and says terrible offices had to be carried out. The truth is still more appalling. Oscar had eaten too much and drunk too much, almost habitually, ever since the catastrophe in Naples. The dreadful disease from which he was suffering, or from the after-effects of which he was suffering, weakens all the tissues of the body. And this weakness is aggravated by drinking wine, and still more by drinking spirits. Suddenly, as the two friends sat by the bedside in sorrowful anxiety, there was a loud explosion.   One more scene, and this the last, and I shall have done. When Robert Ross was arranging to bury Oscar at Baneuil, he had already made up his mind as soon as he could to transfer his body to Perla's shares, and erect over his remains some worthy memorial. It became the purpose of his life to pay his friend's debts, annul his bankruptcy, and publish his books in suitable manner, in fine to clear Oscar's memory from obliquy, while leaving to his lovable spirit the shining raiment of immortality. In a few years he had accomplished all but one part of his high task. He had not only paid off all Oscar Wilde's debts, but he had managed to remit thousands of pounds yearly to his children, and had established his popularity on the widest and surest foundation. He crossed to Paris with Oscar's son, Vivian, to render the last service to his friend. When preparing the body for the grave years before, Ross had taken medical advice as to what should be done to make his purpose possible. The doctors told him to put Wilde's body in quick climb, like the body of the man in the Ballad of Reading Jail. The quick climb, they said, would consume the flesh and leave the white bones, the skeleton, intact, which could then be moved easily. To his horror, when the grave was opened, Ross found that the quick climb, instead of destroying the flesh, had preserved it. Oscar's face was recognisable, only his hair and beard had grown long. At once Ross sent the sun away, and when the sextons were about to use their shovels, he ordered them to desist, and descending into the grave, moved the body with his own hands into the new coffin in loving reverence. Those who hold our mortal vesture in respect, for the sake of the spirit, will know how to thank Robert Ross for the supreme devotion he showed to his friend's remains. In his case, at least, love was stronger than death. One can be sure, too, that the man who won such fervid self-denying tenderness had deserved it, called it forth by a charm of companionship, or magic of loving intercourse. End of chapter 26 Recording by Martin Geeson In Hazelmere Surrey Chapter 27 of Oscar Wilde His Life and Confessions This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Geeson Oscar Wilde, His Life and Confessions By Frank Harris Chapter 27 A Last Word It was the inhumanity of the prison doctor and the English prison system that killed Oscar Wilde. The sore place in his ear, caused by the fall when he fainted that Sunday morning in Wandsworth prison chapel, formed into an abscess, and was the final cause of his death. The operation Ross speaks of in his letter was the excision of this tumour. The imprisonment and starvation, and above all the cruelty of his jailers, had done their work. The local malady was inflamed, as I have already said, by a more general and more terrible disease. The doctors attributed the red flush Oscar complained of on his chest and back, which he declared was due to eating muscles, to another and graver cause. They warned him at once to stop drinking and smoking, and to live with the greatest of steamiousness. For they recognised in him the tertiary symptoms of that dreadful disease, which the brainless prudery in England allows to decimate the flower of English manhood unchecked. Oscar took no heed of their advice. He had little to live for. The pleasures of eating and drinking in good company were almost the only pleasures left to him. Why should he deny himself the immediate enjoyment for a very vague and questionable future benefit? He never believed in any form of asceticism or self-denial, and towards the end, feeling that life had nothing more to offer him, the pagan spirit in him refused to prolong an existence that was no longer joyous. I have lived, he would have said, with profound truth. Much has been made of the fact that Oscar was buried in an out-of-the-way cemetery at Bagneur under depressing circumstances. It rained the day of the funeral it appears, and a cold wind blew. The way was muddy and long, and only half a dozen friends accompanied the coffin to its resting place. But after all, such accidents, depressing as they are at the moment, are unimportant. The dead clay knows nothing of our feelings, and whether it is born to the grave in pompous procession and laid to rest in a great abbey amid the mourning of a nation, or tossed as dust to the wind, is a matter of utter indifference. Heine's verse holds the supreme consolation.  Readers' translation. After all, God's heaven will encircle me there as here, and like burial lamps the stars at night will hang shining over me. Oscar Wilde's work was over, his gift to the world completed years before. Even the friends who loved him, and delighted in the charm of his talk, in his light-hearted gaiety and humour, would scarcely have kept him longer in the pillory, exposed to the loathing and contempt of this all-hating world. The good he did lives after him, and is immortal.  Who would deny today that he was a quickening and liberating influence? If his life was given over much to self-indulgence, it must be remembered that his writings and conversation were singularly kindly, singularly amiable, singularly pure. No harsh or coarse or bitter word ever passed those eloquent laughing lips. If he served beauty in her myriad forms, he only showed in his works the beauty that was amiable and of good report. If only half a dozen men mourned for him, their sorrow was unaffected and intense, and perhaps the greatest of men have not found in their lifetime even half a dozen devoted admirers and lovers. It is well with our friend, we say. At any rate he was not forced to drink the bitter leaves of a suffering and dishonourable old age. Death was merciful to him. My task is finished. I don't think any one will doubt that I have done it in a reverent spirit, telling the truth as I see it from the beginning to the end, and hiding or omitting as little as might be of what ought to be told. Yet when I come to the parting I am painfully conscious that I have not done Oscar Wilde justice, that some fault or other in me has led me to dwell too much on his faults and failings, and grudged praise to his soul-subduing charm and the incomparable sweetness and gaiety of his nature. Let me now make amends. When to the sessions of sad memory I summon up the spirits of those whom I have met in the world and loved, men famous and men of unfulfilled renown, I miss no one so much as I miss Oscar Wilde. I would rather spend an evening with him than with Renon or Carlisle or Verlaine or Dick Burton or Davidson.  I have known more heroic souls and some deeper souls, souls much more keenly alive to ideas of duty and generosity, but I have known no more charming, no more quickening, no more delightful spirit. This may be my shortcoming. It may be that I prize humour and good humour and eloquent or poetic speech the artist qualities more than goodness or loyalty or manliness, and so overestimate things amiable. But the lovable and joyous things are to me the priceless things, and the most charming man I have ever met was assuredly Oscar Wilde. I do not believe that in all the realms of death there is a more fascinating or delightful companion.  In the course of the narrative I have indicated sufficiently, I think, the value and importance of his work. He will live with congrief and with Sheridan as the wittiest and most humorous of all our playwrights. The importance of being earnest has its own place among the best of English comedies. But Oscar Wilde has done better work than congrief or Sheridan. He is a master not only of the smiles, but of the tears of men. The ballad of Reading Jail is the best ballad in English. It is more. It is the noblest utterance that has yet reached us from a modern prison. The only high utterance indeed that has ever come from that underworld of man's hatred and man's inhumanity. In it, and by the spirit of Jesus which breathes through it, Oscar Wilde has done much not only to reform English prisons, but to abolish them altogether, for they are as degrading to the intelligence as they are harmful to the soul. What jailer and what jail could do anything but evil to the author of such a verse as this? This too I know, and wise it were if each could know the same, but every prison that men build is built with bricks of shame, and bound with bars lest Christ should see how men their brothers maim. Indeed it is not clear that the man who, in his own wretchedness, wrote that letter to the warder which I have reproduced, and was eager to bring about the freeing of the little children at his own cost, is far above the judge who condemned him, or the society which sanctions such punishments. The ballad of Reading Jail I repeat, and some pages of De Profundis, and above all the tragic fate of which these were the outcome, render Oscar Wilde more interesting to men than any of his peers. He has been indeed well served by the malice and cruelty of his enemies. In this sense his word in De Profundis that he stood in symbolic relation to the art and life of his time is justified. The English drove Byron and Shelley and Keats into exile, and allowed Chatterton, Davidson and Middleton to die of misery and destitution, but they treated none of their artists and seers with the malevolent cruelty they showed to Oscar Wilde. His fate in England is symbolic of the fate of all artists.  All English artists will be judged by their inferiors, and condemned, as Dante's master was condemned for their good deeds, per tuo ben far. But it must not be thought that Oscar Wilde was punished solely or even chiefly for the evil he wrought. He was punished for his popularity and his preeminence, for the superiority of his mind and wit. He was punished by the envy of journalists, and by the malignant pedantry of half civilised judges. Envy, in his case, overleaped itself.  They it is who have made him eternally interesting to humanity. A tragic figure of imperishable renown. End of Chapter 27 Recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey End of Oscar Wilde, His Life and Confessions by Frank Harris


But what started as a small grassroots effort to support our troops has now grown into a strong 13-year tradition. Josh Peterson shows us how the ride for the troops continues to draw a crowd. For a day that was comparable to early October, the rumble of the clouds did not keep the rumble of hundreds of motorcycles away from gathering for a good cause. The 13th annual ride for the troops is a 134-mile ride that rallies support from our communities for our veterans. It gets us involved as a community and it shows support for the development of veterans. A lot of the riders here are veterans. It's veterans helping veterans. That's what we do. But it's getting the community involved has been the most fun. Row after row after row. The drivers of these bikes were not only proud bikers, but proud veterans who are looking to pay it forward as well. Seeing all of our veterans coming together, these riders, most are vets and most are not. They just love the ride, but they'll step it up for the cause. It's a certain camaraderie amongst all these bikers. The diversity of the motorcycles you see and the people is what's coming together. The ride draws many motorcycle clubs and groups to the event, a chance to network and share a common bond. Getting on seeing the scenery, seeing how many bikes show up. A lot of the fun is walking through the crowd looking at the other bikes and seeing what people have done to customize and modify their bikes. Just meeting all the other bikers and talking to them. Some people we haven't seen for a year so it's nice to come back and see them again and it's just a good time. While the ride was held throughout the day on Sunday, despite gusty winds and rainy conditions, the ride was yet another success. You can just look around here at the number of bikes it is showing up and it is big. People look forward to it over here and you see people come back here or they get a chance to meet friends that they haven't seen for a year because they'll come from quite a large area. In Bemidji, Josh Peterson, Lakeland News. For a link on how you can contribute to the ride for troops, you can visit our website at lptv.org slash news. If you enjoyed this segment of Lakeland News, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to Lakeland PBS.


Alright everybody, the end of day three at the 21 convention, London, the men's conference of the century. We have a special presentation. Coming to the stage now is a man that's literally laid 1,642 women, has 40 children in 20 different cities, that's right, invented space docking and the pile driver, a man who I shouldn't even be talking about really, and he's agreed to come on camera so if any of these women see him, endless child support, please welcome to the stage the lovely, the charming, the seductive Chuck Manslag. Thanks everybody. Hey, hey, hey, what's going on fellas?  I'm mic'd up. Professional. How you guys doing? Good. Good, good, good. So I know obviously a lot of you have come here, you've heard about the rumors, actually that's an old statistic, we're actually up to 1,800 girls now, please don't be jealous. And I look across the room and I see a lot of guys who, let's be honest, a lot of losers, a lot of guys haven't had sex, a lot of virgins, and hey look, don't be angry, I used to be just like you, okay? I didn't get laid for years, you know, I was terrible, I was needy, I didn't know what I was doing, but I got past all that. And guys I gotta say, it's not your fault, you know, it's not your fault, it's not my fault either, okay?  Anybody? Two guys, two honest guys? Okay, check this out, okay? My dad left when I was like three, okay?    Anybody a couple of, oh, more hands, awesome! All the time, if I did anything wrong, I'd get like shoes chucked at me, I'd have belts chucked at me, it was brutal, okay? I was the only kid I ever met that was actively trying to get kidnapped.  He'd be like what? I'd be like yeah, do you have a van or anything? What are you talking about? Can you offer me any candy? Get away from me! Look, just take me for a week, if you don't like me, I'll get you another kid.    Anybody know a shop called Byway, okay? It's like Poundline, you can get shoes for five dollars there. Those were my shoes, okay? Other kid had Nike's, okay?   I had track pants, so I was like 16.  My mom bought me, check it once, I had silver shoes.  They call me, hey, space boy, hey, space cadet.   My stepfather, okay, I got to step that. He bought me, check, who had a dog or a cat as a kid, okay? My stepfather bought me a goat.       So I wonder, I didn't have any confidence with women.  And it was really bad, it was really bad. And it's funny, because as I got older, I noticed that, hey, you know what? I wasn't the only one.  It wasn't just me. And it's funny, and there's only, I brought a couple of girls earlier, they had to go. There's only one girl in the room and a little bit of awkward bunch of dudes. One girl, whew, there's only one place that this could go really badly, depending on who you are really well. Anyway, so, no. Here's what I noticed.  You can't say it on the internet. Yes, you can, it's YouTube.  Look, here's my point.  And I noticed that all these dudes were doing this terrible stuff that didn't work at all, and I was doing the same shit, and eventually I started to wise up to it.  For example, I'll see this, I'll see you guys.    Has that ever worked one time?  Never, not once.   The guys are coming up with the chicks going, hi, I'm a banker. I drive a Lotus, zero to 60 in 2.9 seconds. Here's my card, call me.  Okay, I see that one a lot. Hey, you come here often. Guys are still doing that, not making that up. Just brutal stuff, just really unoriginal stuff, man. And when we're getting tired of it, here's, oh, this is a funny one.  That one's kinda funny. I mean, that one's a little bit funny.  So I started going out there and I started reading books and I found out about the like, the deduction community.  For example, there's this one particular system that we don't have to name that it believes that women, women in terms of like, value, they're up here, okay? And men are down here, okay? And what you have to do is you have to bring the women down to your level, right? By insulting them and making them feel bad. Example. Example. Hi. I like your dress. I think I saw another girl wearing one just like it.  Oh, I thought this was nice. The confidence comes down, right? So, yeah.   Oh, do I?  Oh, yeah, it's fine though, you're cute anyway. Hey, I like your nails. Are they real? What? No? Oh, it's fine, they're nice anyway. And when she gets long enough, you fucker. It's beautiful.   Yeah, the other day, my friend's car broke down, he was in the middle of nowhere, and I was like, I was like, partying and stuff, because I got loads of friends and we were having like, a lot of parties and stuff and having fun, you know what, I went out there and I helped him with his car, because you know, it's how I roll. Hey, I'm a banker.  So I decided, you know what, I'm not getting laid, but I'm gonna get better at this stuff.  And that's what I did and I spent literally sometimes 16 hours a day just going out there and like hitting on girls everywhere, you know? Sometimes it went badly, sometimes it went great, but eventually I started figuring stuff out.  That's right, I see the envy in your eyes, but I'm gonna help you guys out, because that's how I roll. So I'm gonna teach you guys some stuff that actually works.  Who'd like to do that shit? That's right, keep it real, just like Chuck. All right, so I'm gonna teach you guys how to seduce any woman you meet in the world the right way. So there's only one beautiful girl in the room so she's gonna have to do it for the while. Don't you give her a round of applause. Here she comes, she's amazing. It's actually my friend's girlfriend. So I'll be keeping it, just need one thing before we do this. Okay, so beautiful girl. So let's say, here's what you don't do. Here are the mistakes guys make. Say, okay, say there's beautiful girl down there. She's a little bit further away. She's walking towards you down the street. She's hot, you wanna meet her. Don't do this. Hi, you know, you're gonna, you see that?   Oh, not good.  Okay, now. Hey, if you were in the position, you'd do it too.  So look, here's the thing.  Hey! Punch to the face, okay? Not good, you don't wanna do that, okay?  Women are like horses, okay? You don't wanna jump in front of them. You don't wanna come in, you wanna come in on the side. So check this out. So here's the right way of doing it. See, a beautiful girl, okay? Walking down the street. I let them pass me, walk slow. I let them pass me, then I run up.  And then I get in front and then I'm like, damn. And then I'll do my opening line, whatever that might be. This works out. Now here's the important thing here. When you're doing this, fellas, you wanna give her a light touch on the elbow, okay?  A little bit not so good. You don't wanna grab her wrist also.  A little bit close to the poon-poon. You don't wanna do that. Now the elbow, really neutral air. Does that feel quite, quite, it's okay, isn't it, you know? It's really neutral and it's fine, totally fine.  Now, what should you say? Let's go through some lines, okay? Now, his stuff, actually, we're gonna play a little game now before we start this, right? Somehow I'm gonna trick you guys. I'm gonna see how good you guys are learning. So I'm gonna do some lines. Some of them are gonna be awesome, okay? They're gonna be great, and they're gonna be smooth.   On three, practice? Nice.  You guys are thinking now, okay, cool. So it's up to you, and I'll remember, don't yell out what you think it is till I do this sign, because I might be halfway through a line and then you guys will leave out and it'll ruin it.  That means you vote, okay? Here we go, so, yeah, girl's coming along.  My name's Chuck, what's your name? Patricia. Hi, Patricia.     Okay, I don't think there's an order to these.  Just go down, just go down. The answer is yes. Don't do, don't do, correct, correct answer. Let's do another one. Do you want to fuck? Do direct, uncalibrate, you're gonna scare girls too much.  Okay, next one. Baby, you so fine, I drink yo bath water with a straw.  All right, you're coming with me. Wouldn't that be funny if I never came back? All right, big round of applause for the sexy lady. That joke can go on forever, but it's a short version.  It's funny, because now that I've coached thousands and thousands of men all across the world who get amazing results, I picked up a few things and I don't want to teach you guys this stuff. So, number one, can anyone guess what's the number one thing that will destroy your chances with any woman? Number one thing, herpes. Herpes is funny, herpes is funny, maybe. It's most guys, most guys behave this way and it's really unattractive.  That smelling? See, at least he's trying, at least he's trying.  Neediness turns women off like this, okay?   If you're in a relationship and you're with a girl and you're like, you say, oh baby, I could never be without you. You're the only one for me. You're fucked, okay?   You're finished.      Cause they're not needy bitches, that's why, that's right.    You think that guy's a multi-billionaire, is that what you think?      Oh, what if she rejects me?   You realize that?  Hey man, you wanna go talk to that girl?  I'll be over here. I'll be over here drinking my beer.    Seriously, we used to fucking, it's a woman with a vagina.  How can you be afraid of them?  How can you be afraid of that?   Come on fellas, pay attention.  You sir, what's your number one fear with the ladies? Number one fear, go on, be honest. That's right. A lot of things to say, a lot of guys get that. A lot of things to say, don't say anything.  Make out, a lot of guys, these are what guys are afraid. Guys are afraid to, what if they make a move and the girl doesn't go for the room? Oh no, what if she doesn't go, what if she rejects me?   If you're like, oh, I thought you liked me.  Vagina closes up, done. You like that sound, don't you fellas? Now, however, you try and kiss a chick, right?         When she leaves the room, then you're done, okay? If you're taught, there wasn't a, I need a signal to know that she likes me.  She doesn't, she's gonna leave, that's it.  All right, anyone else? I'll solve any sticking point right now, any sticking point. You name it, I'll solve it right now, three seconds. Anybody?     Any other questions? Yes, sir? Last minute resistance. Well, if you use the chloroform, totally fine, totally fine. Rope, actually, is the real answer, I'm just kidding, obviously.  If a girl's coming to my house, she knows she's getting fucked, right?  If she's at your house, she wants to get laid.  What is that shit?  Yeah, a little bit of pizza, pizza arrives. Oh, you know, I don't know, I'm not so sure. I'm not sure I want this pizza.    Slap around a bit if you have to, it's fine.  Yes, sir? Day game escalation. Day game escalation. Same answer as before, chloroform. No.  Drag them off, literally if you're coming with me, take them, drag them off, that's it. You don't have to though in the daytime, you don't have to, just get them out, get their, now we're getting all technical.  Fun questions. All right, look. I don't have a short bit of time and they're running out of tape. Ah!  Okay, number one, stop jerking off.  Let's be honest, who jerked off this week? Stop jerking off!  It's weird. Okay, who watches porn? Wow, fuck, there's your problem right there.  This guy's like, yeah, two hands up porn! What does it matter with you? Jesus. There's probably a hundred guys that wanted to come to this, couldn't do it.   See, I got a weakness.   But it's hard to quit porn. I love porn myself. I admit it, I like porn. Because at least with porn movies, you decide when the movie ends. Look, here's what I want to say. You don't want to be opposed, you don't want to be needy, but you know what? When it comes down to it, women like sex, they love it. It's great, I treat women well.  Deep down, I'm a nice, I mean, let me tell you what kind of nice guy I am. In a good way, a nice guy. You ever read that thing? You hear that? That when you have pineapple, it makes your semen taste better, right?  Yeah. Right, now I want all these girls I'm hooking up. I want them to enjoy their experience with me.   Because I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy. That's the point.  This is the key thing, like if you walk away with one thing, understand this. Women want sex more than we do, okay?  How many? Just one. How many do women have? Six.  They've got the vagina, they've got the clitoris, they've got the asshole, they've got the mouth, they've got two ears, and they've got two eyeballs. All right, too much on the eyeballs.  Do you realize that Chick's have a clitoris?   That's it.  A clitoris doesn't do fucking, doesn't do your laundry.   Just so we're, just so we're clear. All right. So women like sex, so give them what they want for God's sakes. Give them what they want.  Come to the 21 convention. But seriously, let's end on a happy note. This is a weird thing and it's true.  Oh, a lot of hands. El Tovo was first. Mother fucker right here.  He actually went, ah, good.  That's why I like him.  I got a disadvantage though, because it helps to have a, it's only one lady in the room, but it helps if you've got a long, helps if you've got a long tongue on your man, on your man, doesn't it? Sure it does. Long tongue helps, strong tongue, muscles, you know. This is my tongue. I got a short tongue, it's rubbish. This is my tongue?  And I actually went to the doctor and I was like, dude, what's with the short tongue?  And the doctor actually said, I got a little piece of skin there at the wrong spot.  Which would be pointless, me standing around in a pub, Hey girl, come here, let me talk to you for a minute.  Get over here. No, no. It doesn't matter. I got a full foot tongue. Folks, I'm Chuck Manslack. Thanks for coming out tonight. 21 convention.


Tout d'abord, il peut être utile de vous donner des conseils sur ce qu'il y a et où le projet est là, et comment on voit notre relation avec Upstream, et spécialement avec Debian. Alors, qu'est-ce qu'il y a ? Ce qu'il y a, c'est l'amnesic incognito-life-système, c'est-à-dire, c'est un système d'opératage live, vous pouvez le mettre sur presque aucun computer x86, vous pouvez le mettre sur DVD, vous pouvez utiliser des bistiques et des cartes, et c'est basé sur Debian, bien sûr. Les principales goals sont de préserver les utilisateurs de l'anonymité et de la priorité. Cela va dans de nombreux moyens. Tout d'abord, j'ai des connections avec l'Internet que j'ai tournée pour la nettoire, qui provoque un niveau raisonnable de l'anonymité, et des features de la convention de la censorship. Les autres principales features de l'anonymité sont que c'est l'amnesic, au moins que vous faites quelque chose spécial, tout ce que vous avez fait en utilisant les tales sera oublié quand vous arrêtez le laptop. Mais ce n'est pas seulement sur l'Internet et l'Amnesia. C'est aussi sur la possibilité de les gens à utiliser l'Internet en un plus safe. Par exemple, on crée beaucoup de tools de cryptographie de desktop, d'encryptation d'insent, d'email, des files, tout ça. Certaines personnes aussi utilisent les tales à produire documents, de faire une production de médias. Certaines personnes utilisent les tales à faire des livres, à faire des films, à éditer des radios, des shows, etc. On voit l'utilisation de la feature de sécurité, parce que même si peut-être vous avez le means technique de protéger vous-même par configurer vos systèmes de diverses manières, peut-être que ce n'est pas le cas pour tout le monde. Et je vois la sécurité et la sécurité de la sécurité comme des matières collectives, surtout quand la communication est évoluée. Donc ce n'est pas suffisant que les gens de l'AVP puissent s'arrêter leurs systèmes et configurer les systèmes pour une meilleure sécurité et sécurité. Parce que si les utilisateurs de l'AVP ne peuvent pas utiliser notre stuff, et notre stuff n'est pas seulement des tales, il y a des tools qui prétendent à proposer un niveau d'anonymité, la sécurité, etc. Puis ils utilisent quelque chose de plus, et collectivement ce sera plus pour tout le monde. The first public tales release was put out in 2009, so it's, wow, five years now. It's the softwareship is translated in many languages. It's three softwares, public and open development. We have GITs, REN9, mailing lists, monthly public meetings, all these things. And we try to document quite well what we're trying to do and how thanks to our design documentation. So now, does it work? Apparently yes, according to the NSA at least. And I'd like to thank a famous tale user for providing these documents. It's called Edward S. And some other more or less famous people apparently have good things to say about tales, so I'll trust them on that. Our user base is quite broad and diverse. We don't really know much about most of our users for quite obvious reasons. But we know some things. We hear from users we meet in those places and we hear from groups that are distributing tales, promoting tales, teaching people how to use tales. So, yeah, we know activist use tales, journalist use tales, at least the one that went through some training and have some idea of what they are dealing with. That is a few. Before going to the next part of my introduction, which is what the project is at right now and what are the challenges we are facing, I'd like to ask if you have questions about just what tales the software is. Anyone? Given the security focus you have here, how do you balance security updates versus anonymity of users? Do you have automatic security updates or do you expect users to manually be aware of that stuff? I'll come to the recycle soon, but we basically release every six weeks and there's an automatic easy way to say yes, I want to upgrade. But it's a live system. We don't do upgrades with apt. Does that answer your question? Anyone else? Okay, let's move forward. So, tales is an operating system that releases quite often. To prepare a release, Curl Clit still takes between six and ten solid days of work, which is a lot. Especially once you realize that we release every six weeks and we ship a release candidate most of the times a week or two before the actual release. So that's six to ten days of work every three weeks, actually. Enjoy. Also, a lot of people seem to be using tales and the numbers are growing up. So in July you had about eleven and a half thousand boots of tales a day connected to the internet. And this usual, the usual one. So a start-up after successfully connecting the internet tales connects for Tor to retrieve an ATOM feed that contains information about the known security issues available at great. So it does call home in the cleanest way we could find because it seems important to be able to warn users that they are using an updated version that has security issues. So we can grab the web server's access logs for this ATOM feed and count. We don't manage the server but I think it's a few weeks, something like that. There are no IPs in these logs and the connections are over-tour. So all that you can learn from this is someone started tales at this time. It's not much. So, and same in July we had thirty-five thousand downloads with the OpenPGP Detach EZO signature which means probably at least thirty-five thousand EZO downloads and probably many more because most users don't really check the signature because, you know, OpenPGP sucks. These numbers tend to go higher and higher every day. The number of boots a day has doubled between last October and July, for example. And it's not just the Snowdon effect because it's been doubling every six to twelve months since years actually. This tends to increase the kind of expectations people have about tales which puts more and more pressure on the people who actually make tales. But for now we are good. The team is quite small. We are working mostly on a volunteer basis. The ratio might change a bit in the next years but it's still unclear. And you can say about a dozen people spend at least a day, a month on tales and about four people spend at least one or two days a week on tales to give you an idea. Now, what are we up to? One thing we've been working on quite hard since two years is to make it clear that we need more diverse contributions from people with more diverse skills. That is, we need UX experts, graphic designers, translators, tech writers, many more kind of skills that when you get in the usual free access to our project because tales about usability, remember? We've also tried to welcome contributions from more diverse people. Our main goal for the next few years is to make the project more sustainable. As I said, putting out a release is exhausting and we're very good at working like hell but this can't work forever this way and it might be better if we spend these days to do more useful things actually. So this is about continuous integration automated testing infrastructure improvements, things like that. If Puppet Jenkins automated tests sounds good to your ear, come talk to me. We also have an ongoing project of improving tales usability thanks to Zach who met us meet some great UX experts we are doing some usability testing sessions testing prototypes trying to improve things a bit from a quite global point of view that includes the website first time user experience installation usage and given the tales getting more and more known as a store it seems that it's also becoming a more and more interesting target for people or entities who might want to know a bit more about tales users so it's also one of our priorities to make tales more secure to mitigate the effects of security holes in the software ship so we're also working on hardening any questions in this part tales development process I'm not sure where it fits how do you protect tales itself against targeted attacks I mean it's fine to say that you have it's open source right but this is clearly to me it doesn't seem like enough so I wonder if this is a project issue like are you taking extra care with your git repositories and signing commits or any sort of things like that we're not signing commits but basically everything that goes into tales gets peer reviewed before it's merged the people who have commit access have to follow some quite strict security policy regarding their data and systems and well it's our answer to that is more social and organizational than technical actually I think as a new member of key ring mate I'd be curious to hear what your requirements are for contributors not because I expect to be able to enforce anything in Debian but I'd be curious to hear what sort of standards we should be asking people to try to follow shall I answer that now or should we talk about it later now it's not exactly public information anyway we came up with security policy just by doing basic threat modeling and looking okay what's the easiest way for an attacker to put tales user at risk for the people who have commit access and then you say okay this is a problem let's make sure this is fixed and this is another problem your rate and rate nothing special I'm wondering what kind of privacy issues and security issues you found in Debian itself that you've had to patch that would be more a question for the next part that well I don't remember exactly but we do report bugs including security or privacy once of course any other question before diving to the tales upstream relationship topic okay let's go in our area in the privacy anonymity focused distributions most projects have lived one to two years max for various reasons that I won't go into now so from the very beginning of this project we've taken quite hard stance and maintainability and trying to keep our delta as small as possible in order not to build an ever growing technical depth and things we'll have to maintain ourselves forever I'll give quite quickly a few examples about this so for example there are things we'd like to have but we didn't do ourselves internally because we don't think it's reasonable to add this kind of maintenance workload to the shoulders of the case project itself like having a GRSEC patch kernel this should be done in Debian instead same goes for all the compile tight hardening flags many people ask us do you rebuild the Debian package to harden them more and the answer is no when we want some software to be more hardened we have it hardened in Debian itself there are examples of what we shouldn't have done this way there are features like we have a fancy open pgp applet that's quite useful for many use cases and this should be packaged and actually it's been packaged so it should hopefully be uploaded in time for GRSEC otherwise no big deal we have backports same for the tails when you shut down tails it raises memory to protect against basically call boot attacks this also would be worth having in Debian I want to have that in my regular Debian system the packaging is ready test test test test work test test test test test test this feature is being packaged we have a package that works fine with cv init but it uses kexec and systemd has another way to deal with kexec we should adapt our stuff to work with it there are various examples of what we can boast about stuff we've been doing upstream we've been contributing to Aparmo upstream to libvert, seahorse various things in Debian we... things like that that will be better to tell you about how great we are the consequences of this project direction is that we have very little tail specific code what we do is gluing things together it's a bit like the way the freedom box project sees itself a bit less radical a bit more usable maybe and we do a lot of social work like talking to upstreams making them aware of our needs finding the right people to do the right work at the right place things like that these days I spend personally much more time doing this kind of social work than actually hacking on takes another consequence of this stance is that we're quite slow and when we are improving something in Debian we might not benefit from it before 2 years or more depending on how fast we are to rebase tails on top of the latest stable release which we suck at kind of another consequence of this choice is that tails still alive which I think we can be quite proud of I also have to say it's often frustrating for new contributors who are very enthusiastic about hey I want to change this change this in tails and then yeah this would be good but maybe we don't want to maintain it ourselves forever maybe instead it should go somewhere else and so it's makes the barrier higher and yeah it's hard but we'll discuss a bit later how this can be improved at least as far as Debian is concerned as I said tails is based on Debian and tails relies very heavily on Debian the project, the infrastructure the social processes the individuals so first I'd like to reaffirm that tails is Debian is a really really good basis for their relatives and I'd like to thank everyone who makes this reel every day I could make a list of various teams and individuals who are helping in particularly but well it would be too long and I would forget too many people you're probably all included in some way so I'd like to go quickly a few ways that Debian could help tails better or the ways that in that you as Debian contributors could give a hand to tails by working Debian itself we always have many one shot small tasks that can give a hand like uploading a lot and making it that's one shot actually we have a few other tagged bugs in Debian BTS so it's I'm going to spend one hour of reel three months and that would be one less hour I have to do things about this and I can focus on test specific things what should I do I'll try the other one I think he replaced the batteries just bring them up test what the remote control interface and this thing so yeah it's really possible to give a hand just by ask me and I'll find something for you well another way to help us help Debian and make tails and Debian stronger is to help us help Debian is to mentor and sponsor contributions from test contributors who are getting involved in Debian it wasn't the case a year ago really a year ago the main person the main test contributor was contributing to Debian directly was me and in August I've had a look and we had 5 test contributors who had stuff uploaded this could be this was sometimes NMU sometimes packages that are maintaining since a few months so things are changing pretty fast in this area and I think it's a really good outcome and there will be more but these are new contributors and they need to be helped they need to be mentored pointed to the right documentation and their packages need to be sponsored we already have a few people who are in this room and that they would like to warmly thank we do this kind of work and we need more too if you have more time a great way to help tails is to improve Debian globally like with adding a partner support or improving it with working on reproducible builds improving hardening build flex coverage and maybe making the default set of flex a bit stricter on architectures that can hold it like PIE where we need a lot of packages to be in good shape and to be improved there are a few examples we need a GRSec kernel we have teams about anatomy tools about OTR that you are warmly welcome to join it would be good to have XOR it would be good to have Wail and system user sessions and many more things it would be good if there were a few improvements made under derivative patches tracking tools this has been discussed recently in the Debian derivative mailing list if you are looking for some smallish coding task that might be for you more to come at the raties both also we and Debian continuous integration things move forward quite fast these days because possibly at some point we would like to base tails on Debian testing or at least quarterly snapshots or something like that and yeah so if you are interested in giving a hand tails by working in Debian we have a page on our website that sums it up and gives pointers contribute slash house slash Debian and now I'd like to discuss with you how tails can help Debian in some way or be a better citizen in the Debian community Mike is yours so I think that actually Debian I think tails is doing a great service for Debian in terms of providing a I know this sounds a little bit strange but in some ways a more visible distribution than Debian is Debian is sort of in the background and there are systems administrators who know about it and use it reliably but working for an organization that cares about civil liberties privacy and freedom of speech tails is known as one of the tools that we should be using and we use it in my work and I have colleagues who have probably never run on a system except for tails so thanks for raising the profile there I think tails also provides an example of how we can improve Debian for privacy and security conscious people and we need that because we don't often have people who agree with that and I think it's helpful for us to have direction to go in so on the user experience side I observe that tails is putting a lot of effort into making things very polished for end users and that seems like the sort of thing that we ought to be aiming for in our broader distro as well so perhaps just the knowledge of what things do real users actually hit these usability studies I think they would be very helpful to have all the issues fixed upstream as well yeah actually once we we have completed the first large iteration of our usability work I'd like to point to the UX experts we are working with for example the DI there's a bit of room for improvement there if people developing DI are interested in this and ready to prepare prototypes implement suggestions and stuff like that of course what sorts of tools would help us iterate more quickly on these sorts of ideas I suspect that most developers don't do a whole lot of user experience mock up testing before they write their code they probably focus on how do I make the thing work and then turn it from a raw API into something that you can get keystrokes into did you have any thoughts on how we can make building usable software either more interesting or more well tooled or I think the main thing on this topic is humility that as software developers you really have to realize that UX and UI design is really some other kind of job that we generally are not good at and once you've realized that it's not so hard to find the right people who have the right skills and they want to work with you but yeah intuition doesn't work great in this area it's just like for optimization what you would guess that users will have problems about when you do some actual usability testing sessions you realize that you are to tell your wrong actually so one of the thing that tells you right now that I miss on my deviant system is the MAC address randomization how much can we get back to more deviant systems is it it's unclear like who should be talk to to make that happen or which upstream to pressure or I don't know sorry that's a hard question yeah that's really hard question if you it's the kind of thing that if you want to make any guarantees about it really depends on a lot a lot of other packages how they interact with each other and this kind of thing that you can't make guarantees in a quite specific system like tails but it's very hard to guarantee that some behavior will be preserved whatever combination among our many thousands of packages you install I submitted a bug against network manager asking for that oh good job apparently we both submitted the same bug to network manager I do think the network manager right now is the right place to merge them and then systemd networkd is the other place and we need more people to follow up on those bugs and say yes these are important and if we could it would be great to have someone follow up with a patch because actually it looks to me like with the patch that I submitted they were willing to consider it but there are some difficult and awkward questions for non ephemeral distributions about MAC address randomization so there's logistical things that need to be sorted out to make that work on that front apple has set up random MAC address during the scanning phase and afterwards it reverts to the normal MAC address so that's a data point from the proprietary world where they're doing better than us I think you're right that this is quite difficult because there are a lot of components involved and it reminds me of the question about log minimization that basically a decade I was pushing on this of various points making patches for syslogs and it was quite hard and then we had this session here at debcomf and suddenly everybody was fine with it and now it seems we should well yeah basically doing a session on something like that or bringing it up at debcomf helps hit a lot of the different points that need to be tweaked or at least seeds it in a lot of people's minds who are responsible for the different packages or in different areas of Debian so as a one person effort it might be overwhelmingly difficult but I think it could be possible it does make me also wonder about other nice features in tales that somehow how can we get those into Debian so people could have them by I don't know installing a package or something just to set up the IP tables rules to route everything over Tor or simple things like that that could be turned into simple things but I've already considered for example packaging our certified DNS thing but there are so many packages that want to touch Resolute Conf and how it's configured that it's really hard to convi to actual users that okay you can install this package and probably it will achieve this result right now you can test it and confirm it but it's very hard to convey the message that this might be broken by any upgrade in the future and yeah one thing in the security and privacy landscape that's very important to be able to convi to users what kind of expectation they can have and in this kind of things without touching aspects of the system that many packages are competing to affect in some way like firewall configuration resolver configuration it's very hard so you could still have something that does the right thing most of the time but now the question is how do you tell people about it to suggest them to install this package saying okay it will probably make things better but maybe not that's more documentation communication to users question than technical one actually on the firewall part I'd like to say that again it's a terrible idea to make everything on a system go through tour you should not do that because they will leak sensitive data which you don't properly audit or like configure them before telling them use tour then usually it doesn't work the way you want one thing that but for example on android platform someone wrote an application it's called our wall and where you can selectively select which application you want to go through tour and block all of us from the network and it's a very good UI but it's very it's super hard to achieve it's easy to achieve on an android system because each application gets their own user ID so you can use that to filter but I thought about trying to make the same thing for a usual Jalipsi DBN system and I was like I don't know so if you have a good idea because I think that's a really good user interface the GNOME community the sandboxing applications and that could be totally part of that I believe it uses container stuff but I'm not sure as an advanced user using DBN for 7, 8 years I was very glad to be able to install tours, tales very quickly and my only disappointment was that the language that introduced what I could expect when I started it, required my background to understand so if it was if the language that introduced it says hi smiley face welcome to this if you would like to know more about how this works click here otherwise enjoy your experience here's the browser and then more people who do not have serious security concerns could be filling the networks with their random noise and it could be made more easy and it's not as targetable as, oh, this is a secret in a group of people using this I don't know if you saw the systemd talk so Josh Triplett basically described it a number of features of systemd and one of them in particular was the idea of unmounting everything at the end and reverting entirely to an initial MFS and that strikes me as a very good opportunity to do a memory scrub so as someone who runs with a lot of encrypted disks all the time I know that including my root volume one of the things that bothers me is that when my machine shuts down it hasn't unmounted root because it hasn't dropped the DM crypt mapping which means that probably there's a chunk of memory that still has the master key for the volume et j'ai l'impression que c'est possible comment est-ce que la mémory wipe est usually taken on a random laptop comment est-ce que la mémory wipe est taken on a random laptop


Item number SCP-531. Object Class. Safe. Special Containment Procedures. SCP-531 statues are effectively harmless when kept facing each other. When not being studied, they are stored in matched pairs in the medium-security facility placed in wall alcoves on opposite sides along a marble-lined hallway in an arrangement that approximates the circumstances where the original pair was found. The alcoves have sliding doors that can be closed via remote control to make it easier to approach them for maintenance or experimentation or on those occasions when there are an odd number of statues in inventory. There are currently 14 statues in inventory numbered SCP-531-1 to SCP-531-14. If it is anticipated that the foundation will have an odd number of SCP-531 statues in inventory for an extended period of time, i.e. it is not a temporary condition resulting from an in-progress test, a D-class personnel should be assigned to ensure that all statues have a partner. It is better to do this in a controlled manner than risk an accidental exposure. Description. SCP-531 consists of several paired sets of brass statues depicting stylized felines. The cats are in a seated posture looking forward with ears raised in what is usually described as an attentive expression. Each cat is 74.2 centimeters tall and is solid metal weighing 451.7 kilograms. Their eyes are inset with what appear to be polished tiger eye stones that give an impression of luminescence, though they do not directly emit visible light. The original pair of these statues was found by an archaeological expedition in a tomb near Egypt that dated to approximately BC. The outer chamber of the tomb had been thoroughly looted in antiquity. The two SCP-531 statues were located in the passage leading to the inner chamber, in alcoves 54 centimeters above the floor on either side of the passage and facing each other across it. Although the passage was open, no looting had occurred beyond this point. The expedition's members experienced an extreme aversion to passing in between the two statues and it is speculated that this psychological barrier is what protected the inner chamber from prior looters. The expedition managed to overcome this barrier through data-expunged means and proceeded to retrieve the tomb's artifacts. No other SCP items were among them, but they were later impounded at a foundation facility anyway, C. Annex 531B. The last items to be retrieved were SCP-531 themselves. One of the two statues was hoisted down from its alcove and crated for transport, with the plan being to crate the second one the next day. At some point during the night went missing and a new replacement statue was found occupying the vacated alcove. The expedition decided to reseal the tomb with these two statues remaining in their alcoves. The statue they had placed in a crate was taken with them to the R.I.E. Institute, where another individual went missing and another new statue was found in storage paired with the original. It was at this point that foundation staff retrieved both pairs of statues along with the other artifacts from the tomb. Note, due to sloppy record keeping by R.I.E. who was lost during early testing of SCP-531's properties, it is not known which two of the four statues impounded by the foundation at that point were the, quote, originals, unquote, properties. When a pair of two SCP-531 statues are facing each other, they produce a powerful suggestive effect, preventing anyone from passing between them. This is a psychological effect. No measurable physical force is generated. It is conjectured that this is the primary function of the statues, and in and of itself this effect is harmless. If the line of sight between the two statues is broken, a more dangerous aspect of SCP-531's effects manifests itself. Observers will be drawn to meet the gaze of one of the orphaned statues themselves. Once the gaze is met by an observer, he is unable to break eye contact without an effort of will beyond the capability of most people.  After several minutes in this pose, the subject's body begins to slowly stiffen and become heavier as a transmutation effect takes hold, converting the subject into a duplicate SCP-531 over the course of approximately one hour. The subject remains aware throughout the process, but will remain unable to break the statue's gaze. Once the physical transmutation has begun, there is no known way to halt or reverse it. The duplicate is an exact copy and produces the same effects as the original SCP-531 statues. It is unclear whether this duplicative effect was intended by whatever agency created the original SCP-531's, or if it is a side effect of the powerful link between the two statues. For the most recent round of experiment logs, see Experiment Log 531. Experiment Log 531. This set of experiments on SCP-531 was conducted by Dr. R. R. who replaced the original principal investigator R. R. The initial series of experiments prior to this were inadequately documented and are not included in the official summary. Experiment 531B1. A class D subject with a high measured psychological resistance threshold was exposed to SCP-531-7. Partial transcript. Zero hours and zero minutes. Subject D 481-1. What is... it's beautiful. Where is it from? It's... it's eyes. Doctor, what about its eyes? Subject D 481-1. The... demanding eyes. Demanding? I... I can't look away. Hey, seriously, I can't. Subject tries to grasp... its arm. But a security guard delivers a mild jolt from a stun baton to remind subject against such actions. Subject yelps, but doesn't break eye contact with the statue. Doctor, what is it demanding? Subject D 481-1. I don't... Oh, God. No. Please. No. Doctor repeats question. Subject D 481-1. It's demanding me. It wants... it needs me. No. No. I won't. 27 minutes. At this point, the subject is crouched down directly in front of SCP-531, trembling and sweating profusely. Subject D 481-1. Please. God. No. Doctor, come now. We've heard your praying enough already. Nobody's listening to that. What is the statue saying? Subject D 481-1. Lonely. Oh, God. So lonely. Her partner's gone. She has nobody to talk to now. Nobody to complete her. Note, the particular SCP-531 the subject is interacting with used to be Dr. Who was indeed female. Subject was not prompted with knowledge about the statue's former gender. Doctor, what's her name? Subject D 481-1. I don't... Oh, God. I don't know. Please. Let me stop looking at her. Doctor, none of us are forcing you. Talk to your partner about that. 45 minutes. Subject is still crouched and breathing is labored, but subject is no longer trembling. Subject's clothing has begun crumbling into a fine powder, with large sections peeling away to expose unnaturally smooth and bronze-tinted skin. The shape of the subject's body is also more noticeably feline at this point. Subject's eyes now resemble polished amber stones and are unable to blink, though tears continue to leak from their corners. Doctor, are you still resisting her? Subject D 481-1. Yes. Doctor, keep it up. We're getting great data. Subject D 481-1. Sobbing laugh. Says can't help.  Doctor. Oh? Perhaps.  One hour and nine minutes. Subject is now almost indistinguishable from the other SCP-531. Its skin has a fully metallic sheen, and its immobile body is shaped like a large cat. Vital signs telemetry indicates less than one beat per minute heart rate, and the movement of its chest while breathing is imperceptible. Doctor, are we done here? Doctor wraps his knuckles lightly on subject's head, producing a metallic clink. Subject D 481-1. Unintelligible sigh. Doctor, again. Doctor holds a microphone closer to the subject's mouth. Subject D 481-1. Beautiful. No further audible response comes from the subject. Heartbeat ceases at one hour and 13 minutes. Transcript ends. Subject D 481-1 now designated SCP-531-8. Experiment 531-B2. SCP-531-7 was allowed to begin establishing a connection with a test subject, and then the connection was severed with an opaque barrier once the test subject began to turn metallic. The test subject still completed the transmutation into SCP-531-9, but the process took approximately 36 hours. Experiment 531-B3. One SCP-531 was placed on a mobile platform and was moved away from a second SCP-531 to determine the maximum range of their connection. Various different pairs were tested, and in all cases, the connection appeared to be severed at approximately 5.5 meters. Experiment 531-B4. SCP-531-7 was turned away from SCP-531-9, and the pair was left under observation. After approximately 12 hours, the surface of the wall that SCP-531-7 was facing began to flake off. It was discovered that a deep cone-shaped plug of the wall had begun suffering structural degradation under the solitary SCP-531's gaze, and had to be rebuilt. It is speculated that the SCP-531 was trying to convert the wall into another SCP-531, and, finding no suitable subject, the wall was losing cohesion, much as a human subject's clothing normally does. It is recommended that the sliding doors over SCP-531 containment alcoves be routinely checked for similar degradation. Experiment 531-B5.  D-Class personnel then assessed whether this would behave as a lone statue or a pair. It behaved as a lone statue, converting a test subject into SCP-531-11. Notable, however, was that the test subject locked gazes, and was converted via the mirror's reflection. The perseus protocol would appear to be ineffective protection. Experiment 531-B6. SCP-531-9 was exposed to a test subject via closed-circuit television. No connection was achieved. Experiment 531-B7. SCP-531-9 was exposed to a test subject, with filters of various wavelengths separating them. Filters were removed one by one, until a connection was established, and the subject was converted into SCP-531-12. Curiously, the key wavelength appears to be infrared, in the three to four micron range, a range that the mirror used in a previous experiment was capable of reflecting. Subsequent examination with more sensitive detectors showed that the eyes of all SCP-531 statues emit a dim, narrow-band signal at 3.77 microns. Signal modulation matches closely with weak electrical fields in the statues that had been previously measured and interpreted as residual brainwave activity. The information content of the signal, if any, is thus far indecipherable. Experiment 531-B8. A pair of SCP-531 statues, SCP-531-11 and SCP-531-12, were arranged with one on a rotatable platform. The statue was slowly rotated until its connection with its partner was broken, and it established one with a test subject instead, SCP-531-13. The critical angle was found to be 29.2 degrees, plus or minus 0.1 degree. The infrared signal emitted by SCP-531 falls off dramatically outside this cone. Experiment 531-B9. Infrared detectors and emitters tuned to 3.77 microns were used to attempt to maintain a connection between physically separate SCP-531 statues. The attempt failed. It is unclear whether the artificial link was simply of insufficient quality, or if there are additional channels or variables not yet understood. Experiment 531-B10. Three SCP-531 statues, 7, 9, and 13, were arranged in a triangle, such that two of the statues were both within the critical angle of the third. A test subject was introduced, and one of the two SCP-531s formed a connection with her, SCP-531-14. This suggests that an SCP-531 can maintain a connection with only one partner at a time. Memo 531-BB. Proposed use of SCP-531 for containment of other SCP items. It is proposed that SCP-531 statues could be put to use as part of Foundation security and containment measures. They could, theoretically, constrain the movement of sapient SCPs that physical barriers are ineffective against. Figure 531-BB1 shows one hypothetical example of an arrangement of 10 SCP-531 statues that should create a pentagonal cage, approximately 6 meters in diameter, that any entity affected by SCP-531 would be unable to exit. This has not yet been tested in practice. A hexagonal arrangement is also possible, but the experimentally determined critical viewing angle leaves very little margin of error in this case. Figure 531-BB2 depicts a segment of a fence of arbitrary length, using the same angles as the pentagonal cage. A feature of this proposed design is that the SCP-531 units are mounted on platforms that can rotate 36 degrees, triggered simultaneously along the entire length of the fence. Triggering the rotation should cause all of the units to simultaneously switch partners to the unit immediately beside them, opening the entire perimeter. A fence with this design will require one SCP-531 unit for every 1.5 meters of length, using a maximum unit to unit distance of 5 meters. This same mechanism of rotating units can also be used with the pentagonal cage described previously. Figure 531-BB3 shows a switchable gate arrangement, utilizing a 90-degree rotation of four SCP-531 units. Alternately, a single pair of SCP-531 units could be used, with retractable opaque barriers over the alcoves, much as is used in containment when individual units are removed from storage for testing. This alternative leaves the SCP-531's unpaired while the gate is open, however, which may prove to be a hazardous situation during long-term use. Lesson complete. If you missed the previous orientation, go watch SCP-530, Carl, the Variable Dog, right now. Or for the complete course, watch this playlist.


What's up everyone? It's your girl Kenzie here from Leighton Sports Cards and I'm ripping new release 2223 Panini Donor's basketball Hobby five box break number seven pick your team. We've got Alvin s wizards Anthony see magic Eduardo v Thunder Huckin L Mavs Hiyoki w with the Hawks pelicans Knicks Jason W. Bowles Jerick I. Pacers Jose V Rockets Joshua B. Lakers Justin Pete calves Kim D blazers Lijuan why with the pistons? Marcy s with the Celtics grizzlies and bucks mark M. Jazz and Nets Marvin and nuggets Michael H. Hornets penguin C with the spurs Ronald C. Warriors Sean M. King Stephen W. Raptors Tony K. Sons Victor F T Wolves William s with the clippers sixers and Yanju L with the heat All right. Good luck again. Everyone. Thanks so much for filling this first one up Again all Don Russ for the daytime in one case of um immaculate football All right. Here we go. My first look at some Don Russ We've got four total teams left in the next one again all remaining teams are on sale all under 50 bucks Nets for 49 sixers raptors and wizards. I believe we're 34 Here we go. Good luck. Man. My hands are cold. It's freezing in here We've got press proof of Conard We've got a uh, holo red holo laser to 99 dan witty for the mess crunch time kd Devon Booker marvels jason kid Brookies walker. We've got a walker kessler Rollins eason and trevor keels Around Come on. Let's see some big heads.  I believe that was like a 19 dollar team too It got unleashed of tre young production line of lebron a cool color match on that one Ewing marvels of jaylon green jaylon williams jaden harvey Um thyson daniels nembard and jabari smith junior rookie Got unleashed of kevin durant on the press proof going there for the nets Uh, yannis unleashed crunch time zion magic johnson yokech production line are rookies ej ladel dang Max christie shaman sharp and pete watson Yes, all card ships. Uh javani. Yep. Still looking for auto in this box We've got nice jaylon duran rated rookie to 75 for the pistons Very nice Starting off hot here.  You got unleashed lucca our autos kennedy chandler johnny davis uh kaleb houston keegan murray and a yovech Shh Just got a random box. It was 2016 optic durakendry autograph rated rookie gold vinyl had a handwritten one-on-one on it 2016 it should just have the one-on-one stamp on it. Was it it was out of just a standard 2016 box? Uh, we've got press proof uh rated rookie of dang We've got net marvels here of scotty barns. Nice one there net marvels barns unleash lillard tatum net marvels anthony edwards tie tie rated rookie ban carol first ban carol of the day uh boat tramp rated rookie vince williams jr and larabia It was like what javani? It's got the same same feel. I mean every sport with each set is a little bit different they're not going to make all the cards the same but Yeah, for the most part, it's it's pretty similar press proof pj washington.  You definitely get more rated rookies Yeah, it's only like one pack Yeah, that's true So that's the case I understand that yeah, yeah for sure. That's a good point donnie press proof of rj barrett We've got terry rozier on the uh laser to 149 We're cards in the back. Yeah craftsman we've got marvels of jason tatum unleashed kade cunningham Our uh rookies chat first chat of the day Wesley brown malachi brandom and an ant mcgoens I love he really liked these uh crunch time incentives. Yeah, they're cool They're really cool press proof harrison barns Got for the sixers basketball to 75 d anthony melton. I like this insert this year. That's cool So 75 there sixers crunch time kawaii yokich on the net marvels Craftsman our rookies. We've got mark williams the abate Uh sochin for the spurs colloco and thuren My favorite football products are my favorite products to rip is immaculate and chronicles. Those are my two favorites Uh no matter the sport those are my two favorite sets I we've got drew holiday press proof for the T-wolves we've got press proof uh purplefoil to 199 of the angelo russell crunch time lilor craftsman lucas Got Steph curry on the net marvels And rater brookies wendell more jr. Our travers brawn tyrese marnon a j griffin All right solid first box there It's a nice autumn for the pistons All right box two. Let's see where we are on number eight Wizards nets and raptors just three teams left again. That's 49 bucks raptors wizards 34 Terry rozier two 149 hornets unleash lamello crunch time luca Dirk try young Rated rookie swaddell dang Christy sharp and Peyton watson press proof jaren jackson jr Got hornets on the red laser to 99 of kelly ubray jr crunch time lamello marvels bradley biel Jabari walker rated rookie walker kessler rollins eason and keels There is a link for you again next raptors and wizards left Got a max christy on the press proof rater rookie lakers very bird press proof unleashed curry luca productions net marvels of lamello ball rookies of jail and williams jaden hardy Dyson daniels nembard and jamari smith jr. I don't believe so javani We've got our rated rookie auto is going to be a tie tie washington jr. There you go rockets Nice tie tie there. It's gonna be the auto out of the second box press proof drummin We've got um to 199 kobe white unleashed jason tatum tray young roddy minoy terry isaam obli and jail and ran rated rookie press proof brooks Got grizzlies on the rated rookie to 149 kenneth lofton jr marvels luca unleashed jail and green our rookies Kennedy chandler and johnny davis We've got kealeb houston keegan murray and yovitch And y'all still plenty of teams left for donores pick your team five box breaks All remaining teams are on sale for the daytime press proof shade and sharp We've got basketball to 75 paul george for the clippers Nice one there clips unleashed lebron Got net marvels kade conningham rookies tie tie washington bank caro boat shamp vince williams jr.  And lofton jr I think he'll be a little bit better than he was with the uh the raiders. That's for sure press proof joe harris We have a tray young craftsman on the hollow Nice one there Hurry you got james harden marvels Unleashed anthony edwards our rated rookies. We've got chet holgram Wesley brown brannam and mcgoens Press proof the cell we've got anthony davis on the press proof production line French time yannis marvels zion rated rookies williams diva day a jeremy socha Coloco and matherin last pack box two tj mccon we have 2199 a tray liles on the purple crunch time tatum Yannis marvels Our rated rookies more jr. Travers brawn martin and ej briffin All right, that'll do it for box soup See again just nets raptors and wizards left for the next break y'all three to go Three to go Got five more of these breaks and then ending the day with a six box case break of immaculate football Last time I checked there were only five teams left There's not any pickets gonna start. Yeah, no question.  I believe we have it right here for the hawks We've got to 75 a j griffin on the rated rookie auto a j griffin hawks of the next auto uh ad on the press proof Jalen green hollow craftsman unleashed haydom tray young Our rookies roddy menoi terry isaia mobley and jalen durin Soon the press proof john collins. We've got uh press proof zacklevine marvels for the bowls regular marvels luca unleashed jalen green kennedy chandler johnny davis Caleb houston a keegan murray rated rookie and yovitch for the heats Press proof rated rookie of uh nembard for the pacers We have a jason kid on the hollow for the nets unleashed lebron Net marvels kade cunningham Yeah, tie-tie washington jr. Rookie bank arrow boat champ williams jr. And la rabia Yo, what's up carl? Hey carl New packs left in this box press proof mc daniels. We've got craftsman press proof of kairi crunch time lebron net marvels kawaii our rated rookies jalen williams agbaji a jaden ivy baldwin jr. Ann lofton jr We got kade cunningham press proof on the second year d'angelo rustle to 199 tea wolves Marvels james harden Unleashed ant-man our rookies. We've got a uh chet holgram lake westley brown um random raider rookie spurs and mcgoens morning javani press proof josh giddy on the second year Got hornets roseaer to 149 hollow laser yannis crunch time marvel zion Our rated rookies mark williams diabate jeremy sochin a colloco and the third last pack here box three. What's up niggas? How's it going? Haven't seen you in a minute out ball as well press proof porzingus We've got kd on the blue laser to 49. No nets. That's with some nice kd's tatum crunch time yannis on the Um marvels more jr. Travers brawn martin and aj griffin I'll do it for box three there randy orton huddas nice four four let's check on this next break Still three nets raptors wizards nets raptors and There is the link for you again all three of those teams are on sale Nice we're buying in the baseball nice necklace hit anything big lately.  We've got ej ladel on dang max christie sharp and watson Thanks for for subscribing cori Then y'all if you're watching on youtube be sure to click that like button and make sure you're subscribed to the channel Get all the updates and alerts press proof defox Got raptors on the basketball to 75 of armani brooks The raptors won the last teams taken Nice nicolas.  We've got a jabari walker walker kesler ryan rollins eason and kieh ups rated rookie press proof Jeremy socha nice one there for the spurs unleashed curry on the press proof Marvel's lamello crunch time tatum our rookies. We have jailen williams jade and hardy Dyson daniels nembar and a jabari smith jr. Oh nice carl That's an immaculate. Good luck nicolas Let's see if we can get you something We've got pacers uh rated rookie auto and drink andrew nembar We go pacers Press proof marcus more senior To 199 d russell crunch time tray young Our uh rookies roddy manoit terry isaam oakley and jailen doran Yeah, I saw uh Who was it forest was a forester sam pulled dual shield one of one of the jags was trevor lorence and robinson, I believe it was press proof ben simmonds Got window carter junior on the red hollow to 99 red laser Keeps in hollow luka net marvels malone unleashed jailing green lamello crunch time rated rookies chandler davis Guy houston Kegan murray and a yo-witch and a dual shield and then a shield tol tol. Yeah, that's crazy. All right Let's see another gold Press proof of kaloko for the raptors We've got there it is. How about gold two of ten nekola yokich. There you go nuggets Nice one there Denver that's gonna be Marvin and on the gold yokich Grat's on that one Look, we've got kade cunningham marvels lebron crunch times our rookies tai tai washington bank arrow bow champ Williams jr. And lariva A lot of the numbered cards coming out of here for the t-walls to 299 d angelo russell I think we've pulled like three or four of those already marbles kawaii unleashed kawaii our rookies jailen williams uh and bhaji jaden ivy baldwin jr. And lofton jr And I was just I was just thinking we're just talking about yokich too. That's funny speaking of we've got a yokich on the hollow marvels Go nuggets starting heat up here Harden marvels unleashed ant-man yannis crunch time Shet raider rookie blake wesley brown brannam and mcgoens That's crazy. So we are like a weird random player shengun Press proof of luke marbles zion Unleashed lebron our rookies williams diepate sochin colloco and the third Yeah, that's that.  I don't know jimani. It's still Still a little early for for predictions All right last box here y'all last box And we've got five more of these here on this next one nether nether it's wizards Nets rafters and wizards It's like you're trying to say all three of them at once Nets wizards And rafters left breaks next y'all. You have a funky name Nessards Oh, I did see that nicolas. That was that was crazy. Let me tweet this out real quick Here we go Good luck. Yeah, we'll do a quick recap after this Let's get those last three teams in the next break taken press proof obie We've got a tata. Wow. That's sick. That's such a beautiful looking card. There you go seltings on the production line Very nice craftsman lamello And that marvels lebron unleash tata Rookie's more jr. Travers brawn martin and aj griffin Holiday ufo super was pulling yesterday. Jeez Yeah, I saw I saw quite a bit of uh big cards that were pulled on release day. So bonus press proof We've got marvels press proof luka crunch time tray ladel And a dang raider rookie Christie sharp and watson. Yeah, cool new insert there. Let's see. We've got for the hornets on the uh laser 149 terry rose here marvels yokich unleash lilor rated rookie, uh, uh, jabari walker walker kesler rollins eason and keels Then y'all more group breaks tonight starting at five with forest He's got a little bit of everything going tonight hockey f1 And then baseball basketball and football Be sure to check out his breaks as well. Indeed, uh, blake wesley on the press proof for the spurs We have a joe harris on the red laser to 99 nets marvels ant man crunch time jimmy buckets rookies jaylon williams jaden hardy daniels nembard and jabari smith jr Into a lot of that'd be sick. So looking for the auto here Simmons and do we pull another one of these? How about another tie tie washington jr for the rockets? We go houston done one of the last teams taken as well press proof tarant man another d russell to 199 crunch time xion roddy vanoy terry isaam oakley and jalen durin Got rated rookie press proof, uh, kendall brown Uh, jabari smith jr on the basketball is 75. There you go rockets. Wow houston that is hosey v very nice hit there Love the basketball That's so sick. We'll get this in a mag for you. Congrats on that one rockets I'll amello on the marvels jason tanham crunch time tie tie rated rookie van caro Bo champ williams and lariva lariva It looks just like paulo or jet. I'm not gonna know who to make Press proof gordon and we got carl malone press proof Uh marvels yannis unleash a lamello our rookies, uh, williams agbaji jaden ivy baldwin jr and lofton jr With my luck joshua it hit big on that one that i didn't get the team i wanted in I got tiris maxi to 199 marvels aluca Unleashed jalen green crunch time lamello Our rookies we got chettes blake wesley brown brannam and mcgoen's press proof heritor Uh hornets to 149 kelly ubré jr brally biel marvels unleash theft curry rookies williams the abate Sochi and kaloko mathur and last pack here They're middleton press proof. We've got press proof craftsmen of yokich tata marvels Unleashed kade. We've got crunch time kawai rookies chandler davis kaleb houston keegan murray and yokich All right, that will do for the first break. Give me one second.  Let's try this again. All right. Here we go So we had uh two goals. We had the yokich I'm almost two of ten nuggets the uh streus for the heats Our autos we had tai tai washington jr rockets Uh nembard for the pacers To 75 a j griffin for the hawks and another tai tai washington a couple magged cards We had the jabari smith jr on the basketball to 75 And then the nice jail in diran to 75 ready to rookie ono for the pistons All right, that'll do for number seven. We've got number eight coming right up once it gets filled. Thanks everyone