Amen. All right. Keep your place there in 1 Peter chapter 2. So this morning we're talking about a certain subject. This is kind of a prerequisite to the upcoming series, as I mentioned. We're going to have a couple sermons today that talk about prerequisites for the upcoming series that we're going to be doing next Sunday evening. But this morning what I want to talk to you about is this idea, this Bible concept of Christian maturity. I want to talk to you about Christian maturity this morning. So what does that mean? In 1 Peter chapter 2, you know, there's some verses in the first part of 1 Peter chapter 2 that deal with Christian maturity. Now this idea of Christian maturity, you'll hear people use this a lot. And I kind of want to address this this morning in a couple different ways, and I'll get into that in a minute. But basically you'll hear people say this a lot in their life. They'll say, well, you know, I'm just a babe in Christ. You know, I'm just growing and all this kind of stuff. But the idea is that, you know, you should be growing in your Christian life.  Look down at 1 Peter chapter 2 in verse number one, the Bible says, wherefore laying aside all malice and all guile and hypocrisies and envies and evil speaking as newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the word that ye may grow thereby, if so be ye that ye have tasted the Lord, that the Lord is gracious. So it's saying, look, the milk of the word, you know, you start out in the simple things. You know, you start out with the easy things of the Bible, the easy doctrines of the Bible. Look, the easiest doctrine of the Bible is salvation. You know, it's the simplest thing in the Bible. It's just, you know, how to get saved. You know, so, I mean, thank God that it's simple, but that's why it's simple. Because it's, you know, everybody can understand it. It's for everybody. You know, the Bible says that, you know, the simplicity that is in Christ. So look, there's very simple things. That's called the milk of the word. But we're supposed to what? We're supposed to grow thereby. Okay, we're supposed to grow so we can then start understanding and start applying the more difficult things and the more complicated things that are in the Bible. So this morning, I want to just give you an example from the Bible. I want to kind of do a little bit of a study on the disciples in the Bible and see if we can look at the disciples on how they grew, you know, in their Christian life. Because you can, I mean, it is very clear from the Gospels and then to the Book of Acts and onward in the New Testament that there was some serious growth going on with the disciples. If you've read that. Okay, so let's look at this process first of all this morning through the eyes of the disciples. Let's look at, if we can see, I'm going to give you three points where it's very clear to see that the disciples grew. They grew in Christ. Three traits that we can look at from the disciples and how they grew and how, you know, they were very clearly, and here's the key, they were very clearly different people after Christ was gone. So you could very clearly see that these are not the same men that we read about. I mean, they were the same men, but through growth in the Christian life and through that maturity that they gained. And this is why I also want you to see that as Jesus was talking to the disciples and he would bring up all these different things to the disciples, that he was trying to get them to the place that he knew that they would need to be. So it's important that we mature not just for ourselves, not just for our families, but as we go through this Christian life, it's where we're literally going to need to be in order to continue in this Christian life. Jesus knew when he was rebuking the disciples and he was teaching them all these different things. He knew the goal. He knew the place that they needed to be when he was gone. He knew it. So first of all, let's look at just a clear example, just a general example. Turn to John chapter 6. Let me just give you an example of this difference. Let's look at Philip, for example. Before we get into the actual specific traits, let me just give you this contrast that I'm going to show you that you can see in the disciples. I just give you one clear example. Look at John chapter 6 and look at verse number 5. Look at John chapter 6 and verse number 5. The Bible says here, it says, When Jesus lifted up his eyes, he saw a great company come unto him. He saith unto Philip, Whence shall we buy bread that these may eat? And he said this to prove him. So this is what he is the Bible is saying here.  He knew this. But he said this to test Philip. He was testing Philip to see where he was at. In verse 6, it says he said this to prove him, for he himself knew what he would do. Jesus knew he was about to perform one of the greatest miracles recorded in the Bible. Philip answered him, 200 penny worth of bread is not sufficient for them that every one of them may take a little.  And he's like, I don't know. He's like, we don't have any money. We can't feed all these people. How are we going to get all these people food? It's impossible. There's not even bread here. There's no, I mean, he's just, you can just see it in it. He just has that doubt. He just doesn't understand, you know, what's happening. He doesn't have that faith that Jesus has everything taken care of.  Now turn to Acts chapter 8. Now turn to Acts chapter 8. So, I mean, that's just an interesting little back and forth between Jesus and Philip there. But let's look at who Philip was in the book of Acts. Look at Acts chapter 8 and look at verse 26. The Bible says, and the angel of the Lord spake unto who? He spake unto Philip, saying, arise and go towards the south unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem unto Gaza, which is desert. So, I mean, here this angel of the Lord now comes to Philip and he says, hey, he says, go to the south from Jerusalem unto Gaza. So, he basically tells him, look, he doesn't tell him to go to Jerusalem. He tells him to go to Jerusalem. He's like, go to the way from Jerusalem to Gaza in the middle of the desert. And if you look at a map, this is like 50 miles. So, I mean, these guys are walking. Okay. He's like, hey, what I'm going to need you to do right now is go and walk 50 miles into the middle of nowhere is what he says to him. Look at verse number 27. And he arose and went. He just went right away, no matter what. And behold, a man of Ethiopia and eunuch of great authority under Candice the Queen of the Ethiopians who had the charge of all her treasure had come to Jerusalem to Jerusalem for to worship. Look, he wasn't in Jerusalem and was returning and sitting in his chariot read, Asaius the prophet. So, this is of course, when Philip gets the Ethiopian eunuch saved and baptized. But look, the Bible tells, I mean, the angel tells Philip to go, just go out in the middle of the desert, please. And he's like, okay. And he just goes. So, this is quite a different man than we saw in John chapter six. He just had no doubt. He just went. He just arose and he went. I mean, look, the point I'm trying to get you to understand and the point that we're going to see through these different traits that we look at is that the disciples literally changed. They changed who they were. They came with Jesus, they met Jesus, and they traveled with Jesus as certain types of people and they grew into completely different people. So, look, what are these traits? The first trait I want to look at, I want to look at some before and after comparisons. So, what traits are we talking about this morning?  So, this morning, I want to talk to you about three traits. And the first one that I want to, that I submit to you that you can see a major difference with the disciples is in compassion, in their compassion towards people. Go to Matthew chapter 19, Matthew chapter 19. And look at verse number 13. So, you're going to see a difference in the compassion that the disciples had before when they were with Jesus and the disciples, the compassion that they had after Jesus was gone. Look at Matthew chapter 19. Look at verse number 13. And the Bible says, then there were brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them and pray. So here, I mean, just think of the scene here. People are bringing their small children to Jesus that he may put his hands on them and pray for them. I mean, that's kind of a nice scene right there, right?  And then the next thing says, and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, suffer the little children and forbid them not to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them and departed thence. Turn to Mark chapter 6. So, Jesus is trying to teach them, hey, suffer the little children. He's like, have some compassion for people. Have some compassion for these people that are bringing their children. Have some compassion for the children and the people. Look at Mark chapter 6 and verse number 35.  They've been out soul winning. And the Bible says that there was a great multitude. Look, they were looking for a break. John the Baptist had just been killed. They're looking for a break. They wanted to sit down and they just wanted to have some time with Jesus. Okay, and look at verse 35 of Mark chapter 6. And the Bible says, and when the day was now far spent, his disciples came unto him and said, this is a desert place and now the time is far past. Send them away that they may go into the country round about and into the villages and buy themselves bread for they have nothing to eat. Look back in verse number 34. Look at Jesus' attitude. Go back a couple verses. Jesus' attitude was this. And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people and was moved with compassion towards them because they were a sheep not having a shepherd and he began to teach them many things. So Jesus saw this group of people and they were scattered. They didn't know where to go. They had no leader and he had compassion on them. And the disciples were just like, man, Jesus, can't we just have some alone time? We're tired. We've been out. We've got to tell you all these things that have been happening. Imagine all the stories they must have had to tell Jesus. Imagine all the things that they wanted to share with Jesus. From John the Baptist to all their soul winning stories. Just think of us on a Sunday here. On a Sunday afternoon at 3.30, 4.30, right before church, we've all just come back from soul winning in Fresno and there's always awesome stories to tell. There's always great stories to tell. Look, these guys haven't seen Jesus. They just want to sit down and rest. It's late and Jesus is like, no, we need to have compassion. He has compassion on the people. It's interesting to note that they were out soul winning before this. So it's interesting to note that it takes more than just soul winning to be a mature believer, by the way. You say, oh man, I thought I had this thing. I thought I was done. No, you're just getting started. These guys were soul winning. They're immature believers. They were immature Christians. Now, let's look at who the disciples become. Turn to Acts chapter 3. Just the entire book of Acts itself. Acts chapter 3. Acts chapter 3, and there's so many different stories that we could go to in the book of Acts. I'll just give you one. But basically the entire book of Acts. If you read through the four gospels and then you read the book of Acts, you're like, who are these guys? What happened to these guys? You know, they're completely different people. Look at Acts chapter 3 and verse number 1. This is later on. This is after Jesus is gone. So Jesus is having compassion. Just compassion. Compassion. The disciples, they're impatient. They're intolerant. They want what they want at that time, which will lead into our next point that I want to make. But look at Acts chapter 3 and verse number 1. The Bible says, Now Peter and John went up together in the temple at the hour of prayer, being the ninth hour. And a certain man, lame from his mother's womb, was carried whom they lay daily at the gate of the temple, which is called beautiful, to ask alms of them that entered into the temple. Who's seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple asked and alms. So here he asks money from these guys. He asked for a donation or whatever. And this is a guy, you know, this isn't who we see out here today. This is a guy that's, he's, he's disabled from his, his, from birth. And he literally, he can't work and he's just, he's asking alms of people. And the Bible says here, it says, this is interesting. He says Peter fastened his eyes upon him with John and said, look on us. And he gave heed unto them expecting to receive something of them. Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have given, I such as I have give IV in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk. Look, these are the same guys. They're now mature. They're now having compassion on people. They could have walked by this guy and went into the temple and preached the gospel like they were going to do. But instead, you know, they were compassionate towards people. That's the whole book of acts. They're healing people. They're casting out demons in the name of Jesus. This is why Jesus needed them to grow, by the way. He needed them to grow and he needed them to start caring about other people. Okay. The second point is this. It leads into, you know, right from this point. And it's, and it's, I guess this idea of selfishness or this idea of pride turned to Matthew chapter 18. Turn to Matthew chapter 18. Let's look at who the disciples were as far as being humble or being prideful at the beginning of Jesus' ministry or when Jesus was with them. Look at Matthew chapter 18 in verse number one. The Bible says, at the same time came the disciples unto Jesus saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?  Whosoever there shall shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And look, so there's a lot here, first of all. And like, you know, that maybe it takes humility to get saved. You know, maybe that's the biggest thing that you have to get past as people's pride to get saved. But the disciples here, what were they looking for? I mean, they were just looking for the preeminence for themselves. That's what they wanted. And it was an extremely immature thing. Turn to Luke chapter 9. They just wanted, hey, who's the best? Hey, at the end of the game in heaven, when we're all in heaven, am I going to be better than John? Am I going to be better than Peter? Who gets to sit at the top seat? These guys, they were concerned with having the preeminence. Look at Luke chapter 9. Look at Luke chapter 9. And they wanted to have the preeminence over other people. They thought that they deserved the preeminence because they were with Jesus. Look at Luke chapter 9 and verse 49. I mean, these guys were a little bit prideful.  I mean, granted, they were walking around with Jesus, so you could almost give them a pass on that. But the point is that they were prideful, and Jesus didn't like it. He knew that they needed humility. Look at verse 49 of Luke chapter 9. And John answered and said, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and we forbade him because he followed not with us. And Jesus said unto him, Forbid him not, for he that is not against us is for us. So here they're like, hey, we saw somebody else doing this stuff without us. And Jesus is like, hey, if they're with us, they're with us. What's the matter with you? It's like, look, just because you're the one with Jesus, you know, they had a little bit of a pride complex here. They had this attitude that because they were with Jesus, they were better than everybody. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 3. We see that again with some new believers in the Corinthian church. 1 Corinthians chapter 3. Look at 1 Corinthians chapter 3 in verse number 1, where the Bible says, And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ.  If you're doing carnal things, you're a babe in Christ. That's the opposite of being a mature Christian, by the way. So I mean, who in the world would want to go around, by the way, saying, ah, I'm a babe in Christ? You know, who would want to do that? Because you're basically saying, look, I'm just carnal. I'm carnal. I know nothing. I don't listen to anything. I, you know, I read the Bible, but I'm just a babe. You know, you've been saved for 10 years. I'm a babe in Christ. What in the world are you doing? Look at 1 Corinthians chapter 3 in verse number 2. The Bible says, I have fed you with milk and not with meat. He's like, I'm teaching you the simple things. For hitherto, you were not able to bear it. Neither yet now are you able. He's like, I'm teaching you the simple things, and you still don't get it. I mean, he's rebuking these people here.   For whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions. Don't, I mean, underline those three words right there. Enveying, strife, and divisions. Are you not carnal and walk as men? And then he gets more specific in what they're doing. For one sayeth, I am of Paul, and another I am of Apollos. Are ye not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos? But ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man. I have planted Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. He's like, you guys are arguing over who follows who. He's like, when it doesn't even matter. That's just who was appointed to give you the gospel. Just appointed to teach you the milk. To appointed to teach you, to feed you the simple things which you can't even handle. Because you're all carnal. He's like, he's feeding them these simple things and they're just running off on all these carnal things that don't matter constantly.  That's what they were doing. Babes in Christ. That's what they are. Babes in Christ. And it all comes from a place of pride. It all comes from a place of pride. We're with Jesus. Who's this guy? We're the ones with Jesus. Who's this guy? Look, they're in it for themselves. The entire book of Acts is about, I mean, at this point we see that these people are in it for themselves. The entire book of Acts and the New Testament is about service and humility is what it's about. So Jesus must have just been like, I mean, that's why you see Jesus talking in such strong language constantly to the disciples. He's like, you can't be like this. You can't be like this. It's not going to work if you're like this. Turn to 1 Corinthians 15. 1 Corinthians chapter 15. I mean, you want to talk about humility. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 15. 1 Corinthians chapter 15. I mean, Paul, Paul was, he was the man. He was a Pharisee. He was the son of a Pharisee.  I don't care what he was doing. He was winning because that's who he was. That's why he became such a great evangelist. That's why God, that's why Jesus is like, you know what? We've got to get this guy on our team. Period. I mean, Paul, and all of that, you would think Paul would get saved and he would walk into the disciples and he would walk into Jerusalem and he would walk up to those guys and be like, you guys know who I am? It's like, we're going to run this thing the right way now. Let me, let me tell you how I run things because he knows how to win. Paul, you would think he would be like that, right? But look at 1 Corinthians chapter 15. Look at verse number eight. And Paul is talking about, you know, the people that have seen Jesus and says that last of all, he was seen of me also. He's like, I was the last one to see him as of one born out of due time. For I am the least of the apostles that I am not meat to be called an apostle. He's like, I don't even deserve to be called an apostle. The apostle Paul. He's like, I don't even deserve this because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God, by the way, you're not supposed to get hung up on your past life. But if you can use your past life to keep you humble, do it. Because that's what Paul did. He kept his past life to keep him humble. He never forgot that he didn't deserve to be there. Don't ever forget that you don't deserve to be here. Don't ever forget, even down to your salvation, don't even forget that you don't deserve any of this. You don't deserve the chance to become a mature Christian. You don't deserve it. That's right. But it's there for you. But it's there for you. Verse 10. But by the grace of God, you know the grace of God doesn't stop when you get saved. You know the grace of God is the fact that you have the ability, that you have the choice, that you have the opportunity to listen, to read the Bible, to listen to what the Bible says and actually move your life forward towards Christian maturity. But by the grace of God, I am what I am. And his grace, which was bestowed upon me, was not in vain. But I labored. He's like, hey, he gave me grace. I'm not going to waste it. He's like, he gave me this grace. He's like, it wasn't my choice that he chose me, that God knocked me down and made me blind. And I got saved. He's like, that wasn't my choice. But for that grace, I'm going to do something with it. But I labored more abundantly. That's what he did with it. He labored more abundantly.  And I'm going to use this grace. But the grace of God, which was with me. So he went from, you know, the disciples, they went from pride to humility into service is what they did. And that, by the way, so humility. Humility. You say, okay, because the world doesn't teach this today, either. Okay. The guy that walks in and runs over everybody and pretends like, you know, the guy in the meeting that's, and is trying to shout the answer first. He's the guy that's uplifted today in the world. But the Bible says that humility is a sign of maturity, not pride. And that leads to my, my third point, which is this strength turned to Luke chapter nine. The disciples matured from weakness to strength. Look at Luke chapter nine. Look at verse number one, Luke chapter nine and verse number one. Then he called the Bible says, then he called his 12 disciples together and gave them power and authority over all devils and the cure diseases. And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. And he said unto them, take nothing for your journey, neither staves nor script, neither bread, neither money, neither have two coats apiece. And whatsoever house you enter into their abide and thence depart. At the beginning, when he sent them out to preach the gospel, he provided everything for them. He made it to where they didn't have to bring anything.  They would just be provided for by the people that they would meet in the city. He took care of it. He took care of it. Now turn to Matthew chapter eight. At the beginning, they needed nothing because Jesus knew that they were not strong at that point. Look at Matthew chapter eight. Let's see another point of weakness. Matthew chapter eight and verse 23, the Bible says, and when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea in so much that the ship was covered with the waves, but he was asleep. And his disciples came to him and awoke him saying, Lord, save us, we perish. And he said to them, why are you fearful, oh ye of little faith? Then he rose and rebuked the winds in the sea, and there was great calm. Turn to Luke chapter 22. So we see that they're just, they're very, even like Philip at the beginning, they were just very doubtful. They were just very easily shaken is a good way of putting it. They were very easily knocked off the path that they were supposed to be on. But turn to Luke chapter two or 22, I'm sorry, Luke chapter 22. This is right before, look at verse 35, right before Peter, you know, Jesus, right after Jesus basically tells Peter, you're going to deny me.  Right after that, he says to them, he says, here's what you're going to have to do. He's like, here's what you're going to have to do. Here's what it's going to take. And he said to them, when I sent you without purse and script and shoes, lacked ye anything? And they said nothing. He's like, I took care of you.  It's like, I took care of you. He's like, did I not take care of you? Did that not happen? Did I send you out without shoes and script and all these extra things that you should have normally taken?  Bring nothing, please. Like don't bring enough water. But here's the point. Here's the point. Okay. He's like, it all worked out. I told you to not bring all those things. And it all worked out. They lacked nothing. He's like, I didn't let you down. But he says now. He says, okay, so you trusted me then, trust me now. Look at the next verse. Then he said it to them, but now he that half the purse, let him take it. And likewise, his script, and he that half no sword, let him sell a garment, his garment and buy one. He's like now. He's like, what's coming? What's coming when I'm gone is you better bring some money. You better bring some things. You better even bring a sword. He's like, that's what's coming. Do you trust me? Do you believe me? Do you believe me? He's telling them, hey, you're going to be up against some hard times here. You better be strong now. He's given them final advice before he leaves them. And look, from here on out, after the whole thing with Peter, from here on out when Jesus leaves, those men were unwavering unto death. Every single one of them was unwavering unto death. So you say, you know, what's the point? What's the point of these stories? I'm trying to get you to see the changes in the disciples that took place from, they went from hard-heartedness to compassion. They went from pride to great humility. They went from weakness to strength. So here's the thing, you know, we didn't just start this church five seconds ago. Right? We've been here for over a year. Have we not? I remember we started out and everyone's like, oh, this is great to have a church and it's great to hear preaching and all this. You can't really say, well, you know, I'm a babe in Christ and I'm just growing. You should be growing at this point. There should be, I mean, look, there should be some time, and this is what I'm trying to get you to do this morning. There should be some time of reflection at this point in your life. You say, you know, sometimes I'll walk into, in my past life, I'd walk into a power plant and somebody would say, this machine's not running right. And I'm like, well, I need to see some trends. I need to see some graphs. I need to see some things on how the machine was running before. And then I can see the trends and I can see where it all went wrong. And then I can find out what went wrong. Look, we got some trend lines now, folks. Been here for a year and two months, a year and three months. We got some trend lines. Are you growing is the question this morning. So let's look at some applications to us of these signs. Look, I mean, from my perspective, it's easy to see who's growing and who's not. What I need this morning is I need you to see this. So let's have some reflection this morning. Let's look at compassion. How's your compassion on people? Look at the change in the disciples. Jesus in all his rebuking. Look, Jesus was yelling a lot. Jesus in all his rebuking of the religious leaders and all the wickedness that was going on in his time, he always had compassion on the people. He always had that even when the disciples didn't want to. So are you this ultra judgmental person? If you are, it's a sign of immaturity. I hate to break it to you. You know, look, you have to be careful with negativity, folks. You got to be careful with negativity because, look, there's a lot to be negative about. There's a lot to be negative about today. But there's plenty of, I mean, just because there's plenty of things to be judgmental about, being aware of it and dwelling on it are two different things because it can change your heart. It can make you have a hard heart towards people.  So be careful on how negative you are. By the way, it's also contagious.  How about pride, selfishness? How's your selfishness doing this morning? Are you this person like the disciples were? Are you this person that has to have the preeminence in everything? Turn to Ecclesiastes chapter 7. Are you this person that has to have the preeminence in everything? You always have to be the one talking. You always have to inject your opinion to things even when it's not even asked for. Look at Ecclesiastes chapter 7 in verse number 16. Look what the Bible says. I just love Ecclesiastes. There's nothing like a guy who messed up his whole life teaching us how to not do it. Look at Ecclesiastes chapter 7 in verse number 16. The Bible says this. It says, be not righteous over much. Neither make thyself over wise. Why shouldest thou destroy thyself?   He's like, don't be this guy that just has to be the person that has the preeminence over every situation of everything.  I mean, that's pretty strong language. I mean, thinking you know everything is a sure sign that you don't, by the way. It's a sign of immaturity.  Oh, dentists are wicked. I'm like, why?  I mean, maybe they aren't. I don't know. But I mean, why in the world would you try to, you're trying to have the preeminence over people? Yeah, I went to Taco Bell yesterday. Oh, you know what they put in the meat there? You should never eat there.  You could come up with dozens of these stories yourself. This is just a sign of an immature Christian.  How about this? More on selfishness and pride. Is your life, is your life all about what people can do for you? Is that your life? You know, here's one of the things that one of the coolest things for me to see about Christian growth is watching someone go from having people do things for them to doing things for others. That's really cool to see. And that's one of my favorite things about Christian growth. But look, that's how it should work, by the way. It should lead, and that leads us right into our third point, which is from weakness to strength. Turn to Romans 15. Look, people, I mean, it's okay to come to a church and start out and come a mess and need help and all these different things. But you should go from a mess to becoming strong, to becoming someone that can help other people. Turn to Romans chapter 15. A sign of a mature Christian is not only personal strength, but using that strength. Look at verse number one of Romans 15. We then, that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the weak and not to please ourselves. So here's the, turn to Luke 22. Here's the methodology, folks. Here's the methodology. Here it is. You get saved, okay? You get saved.  You start following the Bible.  And then you benefit others. James chapter two.  And you know, you'll benefit others. But here, look, some people, they just, they just don't seem to grow. They just always require help. And it just doesn't seem to work. And why? So you ask yourself why. I'm going to give you the answer here in a few seconds. So you have these people that, they just don't seem to grow. And they're like, it's like they're running in place and they're getting nowhere. And you're like, why? Why is that? Here's why. Here's why. 100% of the cases where someone's running in place and they're just not growing, not growing, not growing. Why sin? That's why. That's it. That's the reason. If you're not growing as a Christian, and you know, I mean, because what you're saying is that the Bible is not working or something. The Bible works for everybody. Remember the miracle, the Bible, it applies to everybody. It works for everybody. There's no other book like that. There's no other book like that that applies to everybody that'll work for everybody.  There's nothing that's not wise about what the Bible says. There's no advice in the Bible that's wrong. There's no advice in the Bible that if you follow it, it won't work. It's the miracle of the Bible. So if you're like, you know what, I'm running in place and I'm not moving and it's just nothing's happening, sin! That's it. It's sin in one form or another. I mean, they're simply not following the instruction that they're being told. So if you're to pause in your Christian growth and you feel like I'm just a babe and I'm just a babe and next year you're a babe, something's wrong. There's something sin that is going on. But ah, with that immaturity also comes pride. That's the kicker, right? So a lot of these people won't realize, a lot of these people won't realize they'll never humble themselves enough to realize that it's sin or to realize that maybe they need guidance or to realize, you know, some people just simply don't want to know. That's why I'm here this morning. So if there's something like that that's holding you up, I'm here to tell you this morning. Look, that's not a great place to be in your Christian life where you don't want to know. Where you're running in place and you know what? You know if you're running in place.  Not a great place to be. Divisions that's another thing.  I mean isn't there, I mean look isn't there plenty to be divisive over constantly if we wanted to look and find things? I mean the modern Christian busy body by the way will be the person that goes on YouTube and finds every single thing that every single pastor every single person said on YouTube or Facebook or whatever and they'll just try to like exploit those divisions. It's crazy. That's the modern Christian busy body today and you say well why in 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 it tells us why because they're working not at all. Where are you getting all this time? Where are you getting all this time to just sit on the internet all day long? Where are you getting all this time to just just look at all this stuff and just find all these you know and then you're immature so you just find the divisions.   People are all over the place. It's the same people. It's almost like it's the same people that 1 Corinthians was talking about. It's almost like the Bible is true. It's almost like the same thing was happening then that happens today. But let me say this. Let's get back to the sin problem of sin hanging people up. Turn to 1 Timothy chapter 5 and I want to give some advice to people that are constantly giving support. Constantly giving support to this Christian that won't move. This Christian that's in sin.  A methodology on how to deal with this. Okay? 1 Timothy chapter 5. Look at verse number 20. I mean this is what the Bible says. I don't even think we do this. I mean I'm doing it right now but I don't think we do this here. I don't think we do this in the Christian life today and you know maybe that's a problem. But look the Bible says then that sin rebuked before all that others also may fear. That's a pretty, that sounds mean. But look some of you ought to consider who you help because the Bible says if somebody's in sin they should be rebuked. Not helped. Turn to Hebrews chapter 10. Here's what I'm trying to get you to understand. Somebody who needs help because of sin they don't need help. They need to stop the sin. They need to get out of sin. They need to have that pointed out to them. They need to stop that. I mean look this is the world we live in today.   Oh you have a disease. You have a disease.  You know you're just suffering from alcoholism.  It's that. That's it. What do you need to do? What do I need to do? Is there a pill? You need to stop sinning. That's what you need to do. You know working. Men and working. I mean I'm just shocked beyond my mind every single day the lengths that men today will go to to not work. It sickens me.  You don't need to be told oh you know you need to be told to get to work. That that's a serious sin. That you're worse than an infidel the Bible says. Look you're worse than an unbeliever. When you're saved and God says you're worse than an unbeliever that's bad. It's about as mad as God can get at you. When God says you know what you're saved and you're going to go to heaven but you're worse than an unbeliever buddy. You're worse. Look they need to stop sinning. So you need to here's a two-step plan for you. Here's a two-step plan for you on on considering these people. First of all consider why this person needs your help. That's step one. And if that reason is no fault of their own then then default to compassion part of this sermon. But if it is due to the fact that they are not following the Bible look the disciples who did they help the blind the lame the dumb the demon possessed. I mean if it is it is something due to sin look but if it is not something that is of no fault of their own and it is due to sin you're helping them is hurting them. You are I mean think of it this way you are literally working against this ministry. If you are helping people that are in sin you are you are undoing the point of this ministry. Let me give you an analogy. Let's say you have a job. Let's say someone has a job and your job is to build paper airplanes. Your job is to produce a paper airplane every day. Jacob and Josiah are like where do I get this job? Your job is to produce one of these every single day. This paper airplane. And you produce or this person produces this they're like here we go. I got one. I'm done for today. There's my paper airplane and they're about to go turn this into the manager into the boss and you get in front of them and you say oh no go brother. See how fast I can make a paper airplane and you say you say no brother don't go to the boss. Here go turn that in. Go turn that into the boss and you know what it's not great okay it's not great but it'll work.  You know what they need? They need to learn how to build a paper airplane. They need to not have somebody do that do it for them. They need to learn how to build a paper airplane and by you sitting there and intercepting them and doing it for them you're hurting them. You're hurting them. Hebrews 10 are you there? Go to verse number 26. I mean the Bible has some pretty strong language on people that will just not stop this sin that's stopping them in their life. Look at verse number 26 of Hebrews chapter 10. The Bible says for if we sin willfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth that remaineth no more sacrifice for sins. You know what that means? It means Jesus died on the cross once. It's like that's the only sacrifice. That's the whole point of Hebrews is saying you know they used to do all these sacrifices. Jesus did it one time and it's done. That's it. Look at verse 27. But a certain fearful looking for judgment of fiery indignation which shall devour the adversaries. All that is all that is waiting for you if you sin willfully is just fiery indignation. Verse 28. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses. Of how much more sore a punishment suppose ye shall you be thought worthy who had trodden under foot the Son of God.  That's big.  Look helping these people that will not get out of this sin that's stopping them in their Christian life is cursing them. That's what you're doing. I mean you would be better off rebuking them before all. And look that's kind of what I'm doing is I'm rebuking. So I'm not saying you need to go around being a jerk to everybody but the point is that they need to be rebuked not helped because that will curse them. That will just put them under I mean it'll put them in this situation where they're just troddening under foot the Son of God. That's bad. You don't want to be there. So look here's the spectrum okay to wrap things up. Here's the spectrum. The mature Christian through their strength their character through their compassion through their humility will be an extreme blessing to others will be an extreme profit will be extremely profitable to others. I mean can we not can we not see this today? Can you not see this in this church? Can you not see people that have grown in this church that are just becoming extreme blessings to people? It is one of the most encouraging things in this ministry for me to see. And and and I thank you for listening and growing people that are doing so. But look think of the disciples they went from immaturity from needing constant support. You know they went to supporting all these churches throughout Asia. Think of the job that they had. Think of the job that the apostle Paul had. That's why he's traveling all the time. He's just constantly supporting supporting supporting supporting and I mean it was just disappointment after disappointment more support disappointment more support disappointment more support. He just never stopped. That's why God chose somebody like the apostle Paul. We'll talk about that this evening. We'll talk about that this evening. But look you'll see that here as well people maturing and just becoming a great blessing to others. Others you know not so much. So so what to do? You know you say you say this is me. I'm not growing. I'm offended. Good. Good. That's what I'm trying to do here is I'm trying to wake you up. I'm trying to open your eyes and get you. He's like maybe I'm growing too slow. Maybe you need to grow faster. Maybe you're missing 80 percent of this stuff. Try try try just missing 30 percent of this stuff instead of 80. Find your whole points. I mean look seek counsel. It's here. Seek counsel. Some of the by the way some of the people I mean we'll talk about this at night tonight as well. But I won't even I won't give that preach the whole sermon tonight right now. But the point is get past the pride and get moving. Get past the pride and get moving or I'm just look I don't like wasting time. I don't like wasting time. And you know we didn't just open five minutes ago. You know none of you should be at the point where your babes in Christ. Right. We've been here for over a year. Look around you. I mean if you're running in place and you're not moving you need to do something different. You ever heard the saying you know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results? It's crazy. Whatever you're doing is not working. Start listening. Seek counsel. Ask questions. You'll get you'll get those answers. Look that's how you got saved by the way. That's how you got saved. That's what we all no matter what your situation or what your story was or where you came from or when you got saved early or late you all had a point in your life when you're looking for the truth. That's what you need to get to in your Christian life. If you're stalled in your Christian life you just need to look for the truth. You just need to look for the answers and look it's here. That's why we are here. That's why I'm here. So check your growth this morning. How are you doing? Check your growth. Fix your hold points. Seek counsel if you need to and then this series that we start next week is going to be a great blessing to you.  But if it helps one person that's worth it to me. Check your growth this morning. Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.


My grandmother, my father's mother died at the age of twenty-two. She got tuberculosis. There was a belief that if you live on a hilltop, you may get healthy. It's in about eight months time, she passed away. Venezuelan could have saved more than two-hundred million lives in about fifty years' time. Tyranny means you have no concern for any other life than yours. What soil has given you is not just food. It is soil which is your body. It is soil which is this cloth. It is soil which is everything here, isn't it? Anything and everything.  The first antibiotic which we call as penicillin comes from soil fungus. It's estimated the advent of penicillin could have saved more than two-hundred million lives in about fifty years' time. It comes from soil. Septomycin, without which millions would have died of tuberculosis. My grandmother, my father's mother died at the age of twenty-two. When my father was just about four years or just over four years of age, she got tuberculosis, a wealthy family but there's no treatment.  So they put her there and she got worse and worse in about eight months' time. She passed away. This was the normal process in the previous generations. This penicillin and septomycin together might have saved something like four-hundred to five-hundred million lives in one generation. All this is from soil and there are any number of other things. Why go like this separately? Just everything that you know as life, everything that you know as material that you're using is soil. Yes or no? But time has come where if we don't attend to it, it may freak on us. There is no may anywhere, anymore. It will freak on us. If we don't make a serious effort to turn it around, it will freak on us. The word yoga means this, spirituality means this, that your experience of life is not limited to the boundaries of your body. If it was so, if it was so for every human being, how could you miss the terrible screaming of the land? The land is screaming. I've sat for hours and days in forests, not just being alive but being high, intoxicated, drunk with life because life is buzzing, great exuberance. Most of the life you won't see. But the same if you walk on various other parts of the world, the land is screaming with pain. It's not something that you make up in your head. Life is screaming. A butcher who chops off large animals, he doesn't hear the scream of the animal. Hello?  They don't hear the screams and pains of those people. Those who rape and murder, you think they heard the screams? Then go. Maybe they hear heard but it doesn't go anywhere. So a butcher who slaughters animals, he doesn't hear the scream of the animals. One who chops off trees and whatever else, other life things, he doesn't hear that. Similarly, one who is busy destroying life invisible, he doesn't hear that. That doesn't mean it's not there. So we are at a crucial time. If you do things right in the next ten to fifteen years, you will have the satisfaction of seeing something significant happening. It's not fireworks will happen, it'll happen quietly. It'll happen very quietly. You need to understand this. Even when major events were happening, let's say India's freedom struggle is happening. Worst kind of exploitation has happened to the country and to the people. People are being treated like dogs. Everywhere in India boards, Indians and dogs not allowed. Most places, restaurants, clubs, all important places. And if you go to any office, you may be anything, you may be rich, you may be educated, but if you want to sit on a chair, you need a permit from the government that you can sit on the chair, otherwise you have to sit on the floor.  Even though they treated you that bad, only about twenty percent of the people approximately fought for freedom. Other eighty percent, anyway somebody's fighting. Are you going to be that eighty percent, I'm asking? When things have to be done, you must stand up and do it. In Canada, there's a saying, henna bidru hegel kodal vanta. That means if somebody is dead, there's a corpse has to be carried. In India always you need four people to carry your corpse, that's a respect. Minimum four people must carry. When four people are carrying, there is one guy who will not take the weight, full simply go like this. Are you that guy?  It doesn't matter, extra weight is tough, but it's fulfilling that you are not that guy who escapes that thing. Don't be that. As a generation of people, we should not be that. That is when we can have the kind of world that we want to live in. Otherwise we will live in a world that is created by tyrants of various kinds. Don't think only Adolf Hitler, Mussolini, somebody, somebody. Tyrants are there everywhere. It may come in the form of industry, it may come in the form of political leader, it may come in the form of yourself, who knows? Tyranny means you have no concern for any other life than yours. That's tyranny, isn't it? Hello?  Tyranny simply means you have no concern for any other life but yours. This is tyranny. I want you to not just do something for this hundred days and make this movement happen, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to become a sensitive life because without sensitivity, there is no life. That's about it. But being human means many, many possibilities, highest level of sensitivity. If you don't exhibit that, then your humanity comes to question. This is not about save soil movement. Your humanity comes to question. Your spirituality definitely a big question mark because if you don't feel for anything, how is it going to work? I only feel for this one. What does it mean? My boundaries are set, isn't it? My boundaries are set like a concrete block, nothing beyond that. Don't become like. This is a great opportunity for you to make yourself little more conscious than where you are right now.


Under international and European law, migrant children should be given protection and humanitarian assistance. Detention must only be used as a last resort. But how does Europe really treat this most vulnerable group? A three-month investigation by Investigate Europe shows that from Greece to the French island of Mayotte in the Indian Ocean, Europe detains migrant children en masse, with seemingly little regard for their well-being. For this, despite the European Court of Human Rights repeatedly condemning member states for exposing minors to inhuman or degrading treatment. To camouflage the harsh reality, the EU deploys euphemisms for detention centers such as protective custody, welcome centers, transit zones and safe zones. It was in one such safe zone in the migrant camp of Moria in Greece that in August 2019 an Afghan teenager was murdered. Such violence is just the tip of the iceberg. Thousands of minors, both unaccompanied and with families, have been confined in dangerous conditions in overcrowded camps and even police stations. Investigate Europe visited many such detention facilities across the continent, conducting interviews with first-hand witnesses from state officials to psychologists and pediatricians. They describe the grave consequences of depriving minors of their liberty. Minors are denied access to proper schooling. They do not receive vital medical care. They are prone to depression, sometimes even to suicidal thoughts.  Who is to blame? Many observers point to the mismanagement of EU funds, especially in the case of front-line countries such as Greece. But to date, few European countries have shown any inclination to seriously address these human rights abuses. In Greece, there are currently 4,500 unaccompanied minors. In 2019, the Greek government proposed to keep 1,500 and distribute the remaining 3,000 to the other 27 EU member states. The number was hardly astronomical, yet the proposal was rejected. Such examples indicate that human rights abuses in Europe's outposts might not be the result of incompetence and corruption, but the desired effect of policies drawn up in the heart of Europe, that is, to create the ideal deterrent. So next time we Europeans look with disgust at what Donald Trump does to children on the US-Mexico border, we better take a closer look. The monster that we see is nothing more than our own reflection.


The other day, a prominent dating coach for men who helps men who are basically in their 20s and 30s learn the confidence to connect with women. He has over a million subscribers on his YouTube channel, reached out to me to ask my perspective on the idea of women who claim that men are emotionally unavailable and he wanted to know, what did that really mean? And I said to him, I think women have one perception of what it means, but this is what it actually means to them is what I said. I said, it's when a man isn't progressing the relationship forward, he usually gets labeled emotionally unavailable. Okay, let me repeat that. When a man isn't progressing the relationship forward, he's usually labeled emotionally unavailable. Now, the other reason why I think women label men this way is that when a man isn't speaking a woman's love language, he gets labeled emotionally unavailable. Now, if you're not familiar with the five love languages, I highly recommend checking out the book, Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Now, my suspicion is that most men's love language, I'll share with you the five love language, it's words of affirmation, or in my case, I'm a Leo, so it's words of adoration, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and gifts. Those are the five primary love languages according to Gary Chapman. Now, I think what happens is women tend to be more words oriented and men tend to be more actions oriented.  They might do things like opening a car door. That's a demonstration of love by a man. Making sure your tires have enough air in them, that's a demonstration of love for a man. It might not be the words, it might be the actions. So I think in this particular case when he asked the question, he goes, wow, that really helps because I think there's some real confusion around emotional intimacy and I'm going to lean into this a moment talking about emotional intimacy. Now I was watching another video the other day by Rabbi Friedman. If you haven't been following his work, I highly recommend checking it out just because it's kind of ancient wisdom applied to today's dating marketplace. One of the things he said in his video is that a man knows within 90 days if he genuinely wants to be serious with someone. That's right. A man knows within 90 days. And what's interesting is I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of men in happy relationships and they all seem to claim the same thing. I knew relatively early that I wanted a serious relationship with this person. I can speak for myself. There's a picture of my sweetheart and I right behind me. I can tell you that very early on after meeting her, I knew I wanted to explore a significant relationship. Well, remember I said coming back to earlier where a man gets labeled emotionally unavailable if he's not progressing the relationship. See a lot of men will be happy just receiving occasional companionship, occasional connection and occasional sex and they will stonewall the progression of the relationship. So what's the benefit of knowing this? Well, I think the benefit of knowing this, and by the way, I will say this, I will get into how to make a man emotionally open up in a moment. So I just want you to recognize I will get there in a moment. If a man isn't progressing the relationship forward within 90 days, then it's probably he's not either capable of a significant relationship. He's not capable of opening up emotionally or he just doesn't desire it with you. If he is stonewalling, he's just happy receiving the benefits of occasional companionship, occasional sex, occasional connection without really investing much into the relationship. This is why I'm a big proponent of two people looking at the dating process with mutual effort and basically I appreciate what Matthew Hussie says, invest in tests. In other words, invest, make some effort into the relationship and see if this person is also meeting you with effort and are they making effort towards you and are you investing as well? Those are just some of the signs that the relationship is progressing forward. All right, so I talked about emotional intimacy for a moment. I think this is where a lot of women get hung up on this area of relationship. And quite frankly, this is where men get hung up as well. See, ladies, you need to understand that we do have a hard time opening up emotionally because as little boys, we were taught to stuff our emotions, not show emotions, be a man, be stoic. We were literally raised with that dynamic if you're a baby boomer or a late baby boomer or a Gen Xer. That's what we were raised with. So expressing ourselves emotionally isn't something that comes easy for us.  So you have an easier time with this. So in some ways, when I know you all love that narrative that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let a man lead. Well, yes, men will lead in the structural areas of the relationship because we were raised to be that at least we were biologically instinctually raised to be a provider protector. We weren't necessarily biologically or culturally taught to be the emotional communicators of the relationship. This is why I continually say to you, ladies, you are the emotional leaders of the relationship. If you want this to progress forward, then it's incumbent upon you to learn the skills to actually dive into emotional intimacy with your partner very early on. Now, one of the fundamental principles of emotional intimacy is developing a strong friendship with your partner. That's right, a strong friendship. You know, I've been a member. I said I interviewed hundreds and hundreds of men and also women who are in happy relationship and they all seem to say the same thing. I'm in relationship with my best friend. Now, it didn't necessarily mean they started as best friends. It means that as the relationship developed, what that really meant was what the word best friend really means is we have emotional intimacy with one another.  Now, I didn't coin that. I heard that from a therapist one day and I really like this concept of emotional intimacy.  This is why I highly recommend reading the book Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. And let's just open the book for a moment. There's a chapter called Four Steps for Developing Emotional Intimacy. By the way, all the books I recommend are in the link below in the description of this video under Jonathan recommend books. But the four steps for developing emotional intimacy, the first step in developing emotional intimacy to identify what are you feeling? You know, it's interesting to me when people express feelings these days, it seems like they express a thought and they say, I'm feeling this thought. See, feelings are things like happiness, sadness, joy, frustration, confusion, contempt. You know, these are all feelings, they're not thoughts. You know, I feel like going to the store, that's not a feeling. I would feel happy if we went to the store. That is a feeling. Actually, in ladies' case, going shopping for clothes, I'm just kidding. Because you don't need to get in your car to go shopping for clothes. You can simply do that on Amazon. So first, identify what you're feeling with respects to the relationship and within the dynamics of the relationship. That would be number one. Number two, according to Robert Masters, is, oops, the second step, let me find that. Well, where did this page go? That's kind of funny. I'm having a hard time. Oh, the second step is directly state what you're feeling. First, identify the feeling, then state the feeling, just like I would feel happy going to the store. The third step is to make sure the other person is really hearing you. So make sure that you're connecting with one another to make sure you're heard. And the fourth step is to get into the details without losing touch. Get into the details without losing touch. So I invite you to check out the book Emotional Intimacy to help a man emotionally open up. And you might want to get the book, The Five Love Languages, as well, so you can determine what is his love language. Most men tend to be acts of service and physical touch. Women tend to be words and quality time, for the most part. And this isn't true across the board. This is just some speculation here on my part. So I want to dive into today why our dating turns out to be this way where we're emotionally disconnected with one another. I think one of the things that isn't happening today for so many people is they spend more time talking on their devices, connecting in a very superficial way, very artificial intimacy, and not really connecting face-to-face intimacy through the experiences of social activities, hobbies, mutual interest in spending time with family and friends. That's how you build intimacy with a partner is in the doing of things and not in the talking of things. That's where friendships are built. And I think today many women do a terrible job at doing this in the dating process and it's no wonder it fizzles out within 90 days because there isn't a true connection, especially for those of you that spend so much time in the cyber world of your dynamic and not in the physical world of your dynamic. In other words, you're spending years and months and months, if not years, just talking through text messaging and not through the physical building of intimacy. So I said earlier how men are rather stoic when it comes to expressing themselves or even progressing the relationship forward. And I want to share a story with you in a moment about the TV show called The Good Doctor where there's a man on the spectrum who becomes a doctor and some of the challenges he has at becoming a doctor because he is like an emotional child. He's like an emotional child. See that's the way many men are. They're emotional children. And I don't mean that they act like children in the world of responsibility. I'm talking about in the area of relationship intimacy. And a lot of men are somewhat stifled in this area. So I want you to think of every man as if they're on the spectrum in this way, this case. And just like in the TV show, one of the fundamental pieces of every character is to recognize who this person is and their personality and accepting that this person's personality struggles with emotional intimacy, emotional connection with other people. And they treat them like a child, not from, again, the physical world, but from the emotional world and they have something called patience. That's right, patience. One of the things you must understand is if you're going to progress, if you want a relationship that progresses forward, then you must have patience when it comes to the emotional expressing for men who have been taught to be very stoic. Again, that's not all men, vast majority of men. Have a bit of patience. In a moment, I'm going to give you some tools to use, but I want you to understand that change for men and women happens four different ways. Change happens in four different ways. The first way is when someone is hurting enough, they have to change. When someone is in a lot of pain, wherever it is in their life, they might be struggling financially. They might be struggling with their health. They might be struggling with their emotional capacity to be expressive. If they're hurting enough and they feel like they have to make a change, that's one of the first ways a person will change. The second way a person will change is when they see enough to be inspired. They see enough, this is where role models come in in our world, where we see good role models and we go, God, I see so many beautiful couples out there that that's what I want. I'm inspired for that. See, sadly, today we don't have too many role models in this case, so we don't see enough to want to make a change. The third way we make change is that we learn enough that we want to. Many of you know that after my divorce and over 100 internet dates in one year, and I realized there was a consistent problem, I'd meet a nice gal, we'd have a really good time, something wasn't right. I'd meet another gal, we'd have a great time and something wasn't right, and in one year I had over 100 first dates, or meet and greets, I should say. They weren't really dates, they were meet and greets. Well, I learned that the problem was me, so the problem wasn't them. When I kept thinking it was them, I learned the problem was me, and that's when I began doing a deep dive into personal development, self-opened spiritual work. I went to Tony Robbins, I went to the Hoffman process, I did Insight Institute, I went to a therapist to really get to know I learned enough in this experience that I wanted to change. Last but not least, when a person receives enough, they're able to change. When they receive enough, they're able to change. This is where a lot of women you get stuck is because you can give, give, give, hoping the person can receive. That's why you have to do little tests along the way, a little drip marketing, a little bit seed planting along the way to see if they're capable of making a shift. I said earlier, I want to give you some tools because a man isn't going to open up unless these four things happen to make a person change. They're hurting enough, they see enough, they learn enough, and they receive enough. That's when a person is capable of making a change. Some of the things you can do to help along the way is set an example, lead by example, without compromising your boundaries. That's right, lead by example, without compromising your boundaries, without giving your power away. Giving your power away means being dependent on this person for your joy, your happiness. Sadly here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. When you feel good about yourself, you're capable of receiving love. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. By the way, a link below to get a copy of my book. Why do I recommend this? It's not a dating book, it's an invitation to really learn to stand in your power and to love yourself so you don't need someone else to love you to feel good about yourself. One thing I said earlier is don't force a relationship. When you're forcing a relationship, it will push a man away. Remember I said earlier about mutual investment. I think of it as two cars traveling down a two-way street or a two-lane street. At the same pace, are you mutually investing with one another? That's how to begin the early stages of a relationship because remember I said it only takes men about 90 days to know whether or not he wants to fully invest with someone. I feel like that's a fair statement. Ask feeling questions.   Those are really powerful questions. What do you feel you learned about yourself? What positive things did you learn about yourself with each relationship? Start diving into feeling questions and remember feeling questions aren't thought answers. Feeling questions are asking happiness, joy, sadness, confusion, frustration. Those are actual feelings. I think many of you, many human beings confuse thoughts with feelings and no wonder there's a lack of emotional intimacy in a relationship. The other thing is you can do is find time to talk when you're spending time in the car if you're traveling. My sweetheart and I took a trip up to wine country and we were in the car for three and a half hours. Great time to connect and talk with one another. We're both captive audiences. And remember you have to take a man's personality into equation. If he, see to gauge a man's emotional maturity, by the way, here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. To gauge a man's emotional maturity, it requires understanding where he came from as a child. And if he had significant abandonment, significant abuse in his life, he may be incapable of going beyond the surface without, and every man is, okay, every man is capable of emotional opening up emotional emotionally speaking to develop emotional intimacy. Some men have it tougher than others and it can be based on their childhood. I said we were boys were taught to stuff our emotions and feelings. Just remember that if you want a man to open up emotionally, you must be patient with them. You must recognize what his love language is and start to be able to receive his love language as well as guiding them along the way through leading by example. And it doesn't mean bombarding him with your feelings. It means encouraging one another to develop emotional intimacy through the methods I've just outlined in this video. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. And again, in the description below are a variety of ways to connect with me through my group and through coaching. All right, I think we've got enough for today. It's time for Q&A. For those who are on the live stream right now, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after. Or you can purchase a super sticker, super chats, a little dollar sign in the chat box. All of the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt. He's my son who passed away almost five years ago in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman process, Insight Institute and the Seeds of Love, which is an organization to help children who have been abandoned by their parents because they have a terminally ill disease in Colombia. And we donate to that cause as well. So please purchase those super stickers today. Oh, and if you're watching the replay, hit the super thanks. Thanks so much. All right, let's see what kind of questions we have. Desert says, I don't have patience for that. Well, patience is a virtue from what I understand. And I do believe that I have to recognize that if you're choosing to invest in a man, recognize that his capacity to be emotionally available may not be, or excuse me, to be as emotionally expressive as you may not be at your level. But then again, ladies, I think many of you aren't really certain what that is as well. That's why I recommend checking out these books. All right. Thanks so much for that. Michelle says, thank you for addressing this. I don't text with men incessantly. And I still find it difficult to move beyond the surface because, yes, men tend to be stoic and don't like training people. Actually, men actually do appreciate being trained when we know what makes you happy, when we genuinely want you and like you and want you in our lives. We want to do the things that make you happy. All you need is a little bit of guidance along the way. Lead by example. You'd be surprised how easily men can be trained. There's a book about how to train men, or I think it's something about a book related to men are like dogs. They can easily be trained. So, Michelle, thank you for that. Laura says, you and Marie are good role models. Well, you know what? I don't know if we are. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. But I will say this. The reason why I brought Marie on my channel is to illustrate that first off, for those of us that are late baby boomers or Gen Xers, we can find love in the third or fourth chapter of our lives, first and foremost. Secondly, I want you to know that online dating is a place where you can meet people. That's where she and I met. It's not a cesspool as many people believe. And most importantly, that hopefully we demonstrate through our communication skills that good communication requires being a good communicator first. What I appreciate most about Marie is she's an amazing communicator. I think she could have been a diplomat in her previous life because she is so very, she's very diplomatic. And I say this in a positive sense. She practices nonviolent communication. If you're not familiar with the work of Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend checking out the book, Nonviolent Communication, which should have been titled Compassionate Communication. I love this book because this is something Marie does so eloquently. She's able to express herself in a non-confrontational way, in a non-demanding way, just a very simplistic way. Just like what I talk about in my book, Speak Your Truth. Just do it in a kind way. Yet so few humans know how to do that. That's why you must practice this stuff. If you want to be good at anything, you have to practice it. By the way, if you practice for 18 minutes a day for one solid year being a better communicator, you know what? You'll be better than 95% of the people on the planet. All right, Jennifer is in the house. And she says, I recently had a date with a man who was traumatized as a child, went to boarding school and doesn't have much of a relationship with his parents. Yeah, we are a byproduct of what we learn in childhood.  It's no wonder this person might have some issues if they were significantly traumatized as a child. So thank you for bringing that up. I appreciate it. Tima says, I'm 23 and love watching your videos. Just wrote my non-negotiables, told them to the guy yesterday and he agreed and now we are in a committed relationship. I felt powerful for stating them. Tima, it wasn't a question but I do appreciate you sharing this for everyone. Folks, I do have a lot of 20 and 30 year olds watching my channel. That would be the best time to get involved with my channel so you can set the stage early on because it's much harder for us than folks in our 50s, 60s or even 70s. So thank you, Tima. And I appreciate the thank you. All right, the body electric supplement writes, why do some men use insulting humor towards a woman he is courting and partnered with? Great question. You know, I am guilty of being sarcastic and sometimes I dig because most of the time it's when I'm not feeling loved, the way I was taught to feel loved or let me reframe it. Yeah, my mother, you know, sadly my mother, beautiful woman, she was borderline narcissistic. I shouldn't be diagnosing her, I know, but there was a certain self-centricness to my mom. And she had a very negative way of enforcing love. It was always from a negative perspective. In fact, the irony was she called me the negative person. I realized that when I'm hurting emotionally, I use sarcasm as a way to mask what's really going on in the inside. I don't mean it to do it in a destructive way. I just realized that that's my coping mechanism when I'm not feeling loved, but it's usually the disconnect of my own love for myself and by insulting the other person, there's this bizarre subconscious mechanism that makes me think that I'll get love if I've insulted them. Maybe this was because that's how my mom gave me love. She insulted me hoping to get love. And of course I was in this position where I just want craved love from my mom. So I got used to a sarcastic insulting way to experiencing love and the body electric supplement. It's quite possible that's what's going on with this man. Doesn't make him a bad man. And just remember, you have to kind of outweigh the good with the bad. And most likely when something is insulting, it's because he's hurting on the inside. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Krishja says, I was able to help my best, great. I was able to help my best guy friend get into therapy. I was surprised that he was open to this. He's been growing a lot. Yeah, therapy, personal development, self-help and spiritual work are great venues for growing and changing in one's life. So it's good to hear that you helped a friend out. Lisa wants to ask a question. Didn't you say you and Marie were friends first? Yes, so just to be clear, we had connected through an online dating site one year prior to meeting. And in that year, we spoke to each other, I think six, seven, eight times in that year, we became Facebook friends, we interacted with each other just far sleep, sparingly on social media. Maybe it might be liking a post, might be sharing a meme that one of us had posted. And so by the time we met, we had a little sense of familiarity. Actually, when we talked to each other on the phone, we were talking about our current dating experiences. And we bonded in that way just very slightly. So by the time we met, we didn't feel like total strangers. And that's kind of, I don't consider us friends first per se. I mean, on a social level, she was a friend, but not necessarily at a true deep intimate level. It wasn't like, I think a friend is someone where you can call them up at the last minute and say, hey, I need a ride to the airport. You can call someone at the last minute and say, I'm really hurting. Well, you talk to me, we didn't reach that level of friendship. Certainly as our relationship progressed, we've developed a very, I think what we appreciate most in each other is that we're really good friends with one another. And when you have friendship coupled with physical intimacy, I think that's kind of the best relationship to have. And it's not this explosive off the charts, wanna rip each other's clothes off every 30 seconds, kind of feeling. It's more a deep sense of trust with one another. And trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is this person genuinely care about my best interest. That's what I appreciate most in our relationship is we operate from a place of we're looking out for each other continually. It's one of the things I appreciate about her. I hope she appreciates the same thing about me. We're looking out for each other. I think that's, hopefully we can role model that for everyone else. So thank you so much. BodyElectric goes on to ask, how can a woman deal with a man who's using insulting humor? That's a good question. I should ask Marie that one. Jennifer says sarcasm is a form of trauma. I read this from a life coach. I'm sarcastic and always working on it. I think recognizing, come back, I want you to weigh the relationship. If it is emotionally draining, if it's emotionally stifling for you and there isn't 80% of the relationship should feel great. And if it's an occasional insulting here or there, he might simply say is, what's going on? Are you hurting right now? Might want to ask the question, where is his temperature at that moment? That's causing that. It feels uncomfortable. And I feel sad when you've insulted me. And I'm wondering if something is going on inside of you that is causing that, because it doesn't feel good. I don't feel happy when I'm insulted. BodyElectric, try that and see how that works. Jamie said, how did you become so self aware? Just like that old story, how does someone get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. I've done a deep dive into studying human behavior. I've done a deep dive into studying my own emotions. I have over 20,000 hours of coaching women over the years. I have over 3,000 hours of personal development, workshops, trainings, and I continually do things together. In fact, even my sweetheart and I once a month, we do something that helps build our emotional intimacy with one another. And we reserve an entire day for this opportunity to connect with one another. I was the instigator of this. Yeah, a woman can be an instigator of this. It doesn't have to be the man leading the charge per se. But I recognize that if we want to co-create something beautiful, it requires at least on a regular basis devoting to the conscious co-creating of a relationship. Because what I don't want to end up is like so many couples that lose touch of emotional intimacy. And then they just find out that they're with a roommate and then they've lost connection with one another. So my hope is that we do, so my point is I do a lot of work in this area. By the way, you can check out, by the way, schedule a discovery call with me, work with me as a coach. One of the things I help you is almost as a life coach be so ready prepared for that right relationship that even if it isn't where you want it to be, there's an opportunity to grow it to that kind of relationship, okay? Thanks so much for that question, Jamie. All right, Ashley writes, can you give an example of giving your power away when you think that you might be being patient and waiting for the man to open up? Yeah, I actually have a list of ways women give their power away. So, seven ways women give their power away, right? Here, when the relationship is on his terms, in other words, the entire relationship predicate on whether he's giving, giving, giving on the relationship and most importantly, you've abandoned your standards of what you seek in a relationship and you have little or no boundaries. That's one way of giving your power away. When you give your power away is when you're afraid to speak your truth with him. Ladies, so many of you have duct tape over your mouth that you don't speak up, but Jonathan, I'm afraid if I say something, they'll break up with me. I want you to think of how ludicrous that is. If your feelings, if expressing yourself might cause a person to break up with you, then you're not in the right relationship. Just simply remember two chapters from my book, speak your truth, do it with kindness and chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Another way you give your power away when the relationship ends, all the focus is on him, him, him. You do no focusing on yourself. When you're waiting for him to initiate context so you can feel a level of validation, remember I said earlier, human beings are suckling on the nipple of I need you to give to me so I can feel good about myself. When you're constantly waiting for him to initiate, be mutual initiators of communication. When you stop doing your pre-relationship routine and you devote all your time to him, when you feel like you can't live without him, that's giving your power away. And when you think that this person is the only person on the universe that you'll ever feel joyful with. And yet the irony is you feel miserable with a person that you think you've had this great chemistry with. Just remember, sexual chemistry is not an indicator of relationship success. So Ashley, I hope that helps in answering your question about some examples of way women give their power away. Lisa, why are some guys only into short-term fun in midlife? Oh, that's a great question. You know, a significant percentage of men have gone through, of men over 45, roughly about 75% of men in the dating marketplace, women as well. This is anecdotal on my part, are divorced. What do you think about divorce? Divorce is the unraveling of the tapestry of an old life you might have. And in that unraveling, all the experiences that were negative in this relationship, if not healed through time and work, might cause a man to be gun shy. So the reason why men seek short-term fun is they want that occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex. And the fact is because it's so easy with the swipe of a phone, you can go, all right, I had to, you see, a lot of men do have a short-term mating strategy because a lot of women will have sex with little or no commitment or little or no building trust with one another.  See, it used to be we lived in scarcity. Just to get laid, it was like you had to practically beg for it, I'm sorry, I'm saying it that way. It might be offensive to some of you. I might have triggered some of you for that one. But the reality is, is now we don't have to beg for it, there's an abundance of people that will have sex with little or no barrier to entry. And so it's easier to have short-term fun because it requires no real need to invest. If every woman put a chastity belt on themselves right now, every woman on the planet did it, every non-married person, you will see men step up really quickly. But there's no need to. That's the old expression, I know you're gonna get triggered by this, why buy the cow if the milk can get there for free? That's why. I'm not saying it's right, just happens to be. And yet there is a significant percentage of men just like myself that we're looking to grow with somebody. When I say significant percentage, it might only be 20% of the male population out there of the over 45 crowd. So you have to do a better job of vetting, that's where my work comes in. I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity and more importantly, how to vet for compatibility so you can weed out the wrong people sooner so you're not finding yourself in short-lived relationships. Lisa, thank you so much for that question. Tima goes, my ex would say that if I didn't exercise and gained weight after giving birth, he'd walk away or cut off my hair perhaps.  He always said I was sensitive, thoughts. You know, that's a very cruel thing to say. I think what he was trying to say is I'm afraid that I won't be attracted to you if you gained weight.  So you feel so much pressure that you won't, that you will do some sort of exercise to maintain the figure that I fell in love with. Okay, I think that's what's going on on the inside. It's very, that's not very sweet on his part. It's very condescending on his part. And it destroys trust in a relationship, I get that. But why? I think that's the why. What can you do about it? Just talk to him about it. Have a dialogue about how you feel about your physical body after giving birth and how you feel about his physical body as well and have conversations about this. That's my suggestion anyway. All right, good luck with that one, I appreciate it. All right, let's keep going.  That's a good start. Just remember, monogamy and exclusivity. Monogamy and exclusivity aren't the same.  Exclusivity means I will not engage in connecting with new people while we're in this relationship where we're having regular sex together. That's monogamy and exclusivity. And people can make those agreements. Just remember they can break them at any time but it's certainly better to get some level of commitment than no commitment whatsoever. Good job, Jennifer. So once again, putting a man's inability and unwillingness to have self-discipline and respect and accountability on a woman. Well, I'm just going by this premise. I think most men aren't looking out for your best interest. So what I'm simply suggesting, it's not putting the accountability on the woman, I'm suggesting you putting out your best interest if men have a propensity to have a short term mating strategy and you have a long term mating strategy then my suggestion for your benefit, for your discipline to have your own respect, to have your own accountability is have your long term mating strategy in place recognizing that many men have a short term mating strategy. I'm not putting the accountability on the woman. I'm inviting every woman to take charge of their life not give their power away to men. I find when my words are twisted and then it's making an accusation, I'll be candid with you, I don't appreciate that. That doesn't feel good. I'm not here to suggest women are bad. I'm here or men are bad.  They're rather emotionally dysfunctional. They're emotionally a mess. I'm simply here to invite women in particular to take power of their life because oftentimes women give their power away to men and I'm here to encourage you and a lot of rhetoric out there is fueling this especially with the expectation of a traditional approach in relationships. If the traditional approach was so great why are we so messed up today? I'm here to encourage human beings to take charge of their life, not be in the gender role dynamic but they're in own individual empowerment. Is this sinking and is this resonating? Please let me know. Hey, Leafs is in the house. Sorry about the funeral Leafs. All right, Laura, why question then why do men not respect a woman when she wants to wait for sex? I don't think it's about respect. I think not enough trust was built or not enough friendship was built, not enough connection was built to appreciate that woman's desire. I don't think enough connection was built, not friendship was built, enough trust was built to that point. It's not about respect. I know you see it as respecting it's more about he has a short-term mating strategy. See men with a long-term mating strategy recognize that living with someone or being married to someone is the goal. Especially for those of us in late baby boomers and Gen Xers. The goal is to live with someone or get married. So when you have a long-term mating strategy you're viewing it from a different lens. People that have a short-term mating strategy it's not about respect. It's just they there in it for the short run. Does that help? I hope it does. Tima says, yes, he made me lose trust when he said that like he could have said it in a nicer way. Yes, it's hard to trust people that insult us. It's hard to trust people that have digs. Now just recognize there's the occasional insulting the occasional digs, the occasional tit for tat if you will versus the habitualness of it. And we all humans are just, you know the reality is we're all just little kids that wanna be loved and we were taught in such dysfunctional ways what love was from our childhood. If you're not familiar with the book the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. I highly recommend reading this book so you can understand how our childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas cause us to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our life. Do the work in this book. It might take you six months to do it but you'll find yourself being in such a position that you are like super, you know, Wonder Woman, Superman when it comes to understanding and being better prepared to be in a healthy happy relationship. Is this sinking in? Please let me know. All right, do we have any other questions in the house? Let's see. Ah, let's see if we have any more questions. Leap says, thank you. Jonathan, my brother, you're very welcome. You know, I recognize that none of this is easy. We all wished, you know, there's this delusion I believe that was predicated by Disney and television and movies that relationships are easy. That should just be easy to find a life mate. Why is that? Why aren't I saying it's easy to become an Olympic athlete? It should just be easy that I should just win the gold medal. Should just be easy.  I think it should just be easy. I should just be able to take one lesson and know how to play the piano. It should just be easy. See, there's this expectation and illusion that we deserve to have a life partner that we have to make no effort to attract a good partner in our life. It should just be easy. And that every human being we meet is emotionally healthy and emotionally have relationship skills. That should just be easy. See, that's the fantasy. That's the delusion. See, I'm here to help everyone recognize that we're swimming in a sea of human dysfunctionality. Now that women are no longer dependent upon men for their survival, thankfully because we live in a relatively safe world here in the United States anyway, and women have a capacity to financially support themselves, that it requires spending more time in the building of emotional intimacy because what's the damn point of being in a relationship if it's not about feeling good? If you have your base needs, your base Maslow hierarchy of needs, Matt, food, water, shelter, then it's time to explore the deeper connections human beings can have. The other day I was at my chiropractor's office, I think he's been married 33 years and I asked him, you know, how he met his wife. She happened to be working with him that day. So they were sharing the story. And he said, I learned, I knew very early on she was the one, by the way, they met in a parking lot at a restaurant. And you know what I see between the two of them is that they're best friends with one another. They work together. They actually help each other in each other's lives. They operate as partners. See, I want you to think of it this way. If you want a partnership with someone that you have to show up as a whole sovereign human being with the emotional skills to grow a relationship. And yes, the man also has to be in that place or at least capable of it. And simply leading by example is a way to build that emotional connection, that emotional intimacy with someone so you can actually have a truly juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship as I always talk about. Michelle says, I feel like I need a PhD in relationships to make it work and I have friends who make it seem so easy. You know, certainly I don't think I could be in the place I am at if it wasn't for a lot of education on my part. Not everybody is in this space that needs that. I certainly need that because I was deeply wounded as a child. The more wounded a person is, the more work they need to be able to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. Hey, one of our Facebook member groups. By the way, if you'd like to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, there's a link in the description below. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and the questions posted in the group are ones that I answer regularly so you can have access to me there. All right, check out the link to Midlife Love Mastery. One of our member says, what do you think my best friend of three years with Drew when I cut off sex? Know him and his family my whole life. Wait, why do you think my best friend of three years with Drew when I cut off sex? Know him and his family my whole life. I realize he's emotionally immature. He will not kiss or cuddle and he told me he does not want a girlfriend. I realize I was falling in love and giving my power. I realized I was being used and he's not healed from his ex-girlfriend. Well, sex is an important component of a healthy, happy relationship. As I was sharing earlier about Rabbi Freeman, he says that is something that is a necessity to continue a healthy, happy relationship with someone. So when someone cuts off physical intimacy, that's not uncommon for someone to withdraw. Now you claim that he's emotionally immature. He will not cuddle and kiss and he told me he does not want a girlfriend. Well, why would you spend three years with someone who doesn't want a girlfriend? That's a question I have. I realized I was falling in love and giving him my power. So it wasn't the two of you mutually falling in love with one another. And I realized I was being used. He's not healed from his ex-girlfriend. Well, my invitation for you in this particular case is it sounds like he's not the right partner for you. So what's the best thing to do? N-E-X-T, next. If you're giving your power away to someone, that's not his responsibility, that's on you. So my invitation for you, if it's not the right relationship for you, then move on. Oh, and I appreciate, Jonathan, I appreciate your counsel, my sweet big bro, God, thank you so much. All right. Team assist, thank you for answering my questions. Ah-ha, I hope you and Marie grow together and have many good memories. I do too. We've got a trip planned in a month and a half. I'm looking forward to that next memory in our lives as well. All right, I think you get a gist of why men over 40 have a hard time opening up. And I hope I've given you an opportunity to shift this narrative. Oh, by the way, we have one more question. I'll take one more. Should you open up and tell your truth if a guy talks about marriage after a year and a half of committed relationship? But the truth is, but the truth is psychiatric diagnosis stable with medication. Well, I'm not sure. Is it you that have a psychiatric diagnosis and you're on medication? What truth is it that you need to tell? It's beautiful that he wants marriage after a year and a half of committed relationship. So yes, you should, by the way, if it's, okay, folks, if something is material to the relationship and the longevity of the relationship, then it's imperative that you speak up about it. If something is going to affect a relationship long-term, then do not, just remember, it's like holding onto a secret. It's gonna come out at some point. So better address it sooner rather than later so you can actually talk about it from a non-confrontational way, hopefully from a loving place to build a healthy, happy relationship. My invitation for you, Sarah, if it's material to the relationship, whatever it is, you bring it up with one another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on all that I've shared today. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. And if you need some support, they're in the description below as a way to connect with me through my group. You can schedule a discovery call with me. You can follow me on Instagram and all my other social media platforms. And check out all the books I recommend as well. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Leaves and Sarah and my Facebook friends and Camille and Michelle and Jennifer and Tima and Desert and Funky Chick and Laura and Lua and Parisian Streets and Lisa and Lisa and Ashley and Jamie and the body electric supplement everyone. Thanks so much. Have a fab day. Be well. Bye now.


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