The Book of a Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 1, Section 19. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For further information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Section 19, Volume 1 of The Book of a Thousand Nights and a Night, translated by Sir Richard Burton When it was the 26th night, she said, It hath reached me, O auspicious king, that the young merchant continued. When I entered and took a seat, the lady at once came in, crowned with a diadem of pearls and jewels, her face dotted with artificial moles in indigo, her eyebrows penciled with coal, and her hands and feet reddened with henna. When she saw me, she smiled in my face and took me to her embrace and clasped me to her breast.  Adding, Welcome, and good cheer to thee! By Allah, from the day I saw thee, sleep hath not been sweet to me, nor hath food been pleasant. Quoth I, such hath also been my case, and I am thy slave, thy negro slave. Then we sat down to converse, and I hung my head earth-wards in bashfulness. But she delayed not long ere she set before me a tray of the most exquisite veins, marinated meats, fritters soaked in bees-hunies, and chickens stuffed with sugar and pistachio nuts, whereof we ate till we were satisfied. Then they brought basin and ewer, and I washed my hands, and we scented ourselves with rose-water musked, and sat down again to converse.  And she kept plaining of what had befallen her, and I of what had betided me, and love of her got so firm hold of my heart that all my wealth seemed a thing of naught in comparison with her. Then we fell to toying and groping and kissing till nightfall, when the handmaiden set before us meats and a complete wine-service, and we sat carousing till the noon of night when we lay down and I lay with her. Never in my life saw I a night like that night. When morning morrowed I rose and took leave of her, throwing under the carpet-bed the kerchief wherein were the dinars, and as I went out she wept and said, Oh, my lord, when shall I look upon that lovely face again? I will be with thee at sunset, answered I, and going out found the donkey-boy who had brought me the day before awaiting at the door.  And he said, I will. Then I breakfasted and went out to seek the price of my stuffs, after which I returned, then taking a roast lamb and some sweet-meats, called a porter and put the provision in his crate, and sent it to the lady, paying the man his hire. I went back to my business till sunset when the ass-driver came to me and I took fifty dinars in a kerchief and rode to her house where I found the marble floor sweat, the brasses burnished, the branch lights burning, the wax candles ready-lighted, the meat served up and the wine strained. When my lady saw me she threw her arms about my neck and cried, thou hast desolated me by thine absence. Then she set the tables before me and we ecked till we were satisfied when the slave-girls carried off the trays and served up wine. We gave not over-drinking till half the night was passed and being well-warmed with drink we went to the sleeping chamber and lay there till morning. I then arose and fared forth from her, leaving the fifty dinars with her as before, and finding the donkey-boy at the door, rode to the car and slept awhile. After that I went out to make ready the evening meal and took a brace of geese with gravy on two platters of dressed and peppered rice and got ready collocassia roots, fried and soaked in honey and wax candles and fruits and conserves and nuts and almonds and sweet-scented cowers, and I sent them all to her.  I ceased not doing after that fashion till, after a sweet night, I woke one fine morning and found myself beggard, dinar-less and dear-hum-less. So I said to myself, all this be Satan's work and began to recite these couplets. Poverty dims the sheen of man, what ere his wealth has been! In as the sun about to set shines with a yellowing light, absent he falls from memory, forgotten by his friends, present he shareeth not their joys for none in him delight. He walks to the market shunned of all, too glad to hide his head. In desert places tears he sheds and moans his bitter plight. By Allah, mid his kith and kin, a man, however good, way-laid by wanton penury, is but a stranger white. I fared forth from the car and walked down between the palace's street till I came to the Zawaila Port, where I found the people crowding and the gateway blocked for the much folk, and by the decree of destiny I saw there a trooper, against whom I pressed unintentionally so that my hand came upon his bosom pocket and I felt a purse inside it. I looked, and seeing a string of green silk hanging from the pocket, knew it for a purse, and the crush grew greater every minute, and just then a camel laden with a load of fuel happened to jostle the trooper on the opposite side, and he turned round to fend it off from him, lest it tear his clothes, and Satan tempted me, so I pulled the string and drew out a little bag of blue silk, containing something which chinked like coin. But the soldier, feeling his pocket suddenly lightened, put his hand to it and found it empty, whereupon he turned to me, and snatching up his mace from his saddle-bow, struck me with it on the head. I fell to the ground whilst the people came round us, and seizing the trooper's mare by the bridle said to him, Strikest thou this youth such a blow as this for a mere push? But the trooper cried out at them, This fellow is an accursed thief! Whereupon I came to myself and stood up, and the people looked at me and said, No, he is a comely youth, he would not steal anything! And some of them took my part, and others were against me, and question and answer waxed loud and warm. The people pulled at me and would have rescued me from his clutches, but as fate decreed, behold, the governor, the chief of police, and the watch entered the Zoila gate at this moment, and seeing the people gather together around me and the soldier, the governor asked, What is the matter? By Allah, O emir, answered the trooper, This is a thief! I had in my pocket a purse of blue silk lined with twenty good gold pieces, and he took it whilst I was in the crush. Quoth the governor, was anyone by thee at the time, and quoth the soldier, No. Thereupon the governor cried out to the chief of police, who seized me, and on this wise the curtain of the Lord's protection was withdrawn from me. Then he said, Strip him! And when they stripped me, they found the purse in my clothes. The wally took it, opened it, and counted it, and finding in it twenty dinars, as the soldier had said, Waxed exceeding wroth, and bat his guard, bring me before him. Then said he to me, Now, O youth, speak truly! Did thou steal this purse? At this I hung my head to the ground, and said to myself, If I deny having stolen it, I should get myself into terrible trouble. So I raised my head, and said, Yes, I took it. When the governor heard these words, he wondered, and summoned witnesses who came forward, and attested my confession. All this happened at the Zoila Gate. Then the governor ordered the link-bearer to cut off my right hand, and he did so, after which he would have struck off my left foot also, but the heart of the soldier softened, and he took pity on me, and interceded for me with the governor that I should not be slain. Thereupon the wally left me, and went away, and the folk remained round me, and gave me a cup of wine to drink. As for the trooper, he pressed the purse upon me, and said, Thou art a comely youth, and it befiteth not thou be a thief. So I repeated these verses. I swear by Allah's name, fair sir, no thief was I. Nor, O thou best of men, was I a bandit-bread, but fortunes change and chance, or threw me suddenly, and carcant care and penury my course misled. I shot it not, indeed, to us Allah shot the shaft that rolled in dust the kingly diadem from my head. The soldier turned away after giving me the purse, and I also went my ways, having wrapped my hand in a piece of rag, and thrust it into my bosom. My whole semblance had changed, and my colour had waxed yellow from the shame and pain which had befallen me. Yet I went on to my mistress's house, where, in extreme perturbation of spirit, I threw myself down on the carpet bed. She saw me in this state and asked me, Alithy, and why do I see thee so changed in looks? And I answered, My head paineth me, and I am far from well.  Leave this talk, replied I. But she wept and said, Seems thou tired of me, for I see thee contrary to thy want.  Then she set food before me, but I refused it, fearing lest she see me eating with my left hand, and said to her, I have no stomach to eat at present. Quoth she, tell me what hath befallen thee today, and why art thou so sorrowful and broken in spirit and heart? Quoth I, wait a while, I will tell thee all at my leisure. Then she brought me wine, saying, Down with it, this will dispel thy grief, thou must indeed drink and tell me of thy tidings. I asked her, Perforce must I tell thee? And she answered, Yes. Then said I, if it needs must be so, then give me to drink with thine own hand. She filled and drank, and filled again, and gave me the cup which I took from her with my left hand, and wiped the tears from my eyelids, and began repeating, When Allah willeth ought before a man, who hath of ears and eyes and wits full share, his ears he deafens, and his eyes he blinds, and draws his wits in as we draw a hair. Till, having wrought his purpose, he restores man's wits that warned more circumspect he fair. When I ended my verses I wept, and she cried out with an exceeding loud cry, What is the cause of thy tears? Thou burnest my heart! What makes thee take the cup with thy left hand? Quoth I, truly I have on my right hand a boil, and quoth she, put it out, and I will open it for thee. It is not yet time to open it, I replied, so worry me not with thy words, for I will not take it out of the bandage at this hour. Then I drank off the cup, and she gave not over, plying me with drink, until drunkenness overcame me, and I fell asleep in the place where I was sitting, whereupon she looked at my right hand, and saw a wrist without a fist. So she searched me closely, and found with me the purse of gold, and my severed hand wrapped up in the bit of rag. With this such sorrow came upon her as never overcame any, and she ceased not lamenting on my account till the morning. When I awoke, I found that she had dressed me a dish of broth of four boiled chickens, which she brought to me together with a cup of wine. I ate and drank, and laying down the purse would have gone out, but she said to me, wither away! And I answered, where my business calleth me, and said she, thou shalt not go, sit thee down. So I sat down, and she resumed, hath thy love for me so overpowered thee that thou hast wasted all thy wealth and hast lost thy hand on my account. I take thee to witness against me, and also Allah be my witness, that I will never part with thee, but will die under thy feet, and soon thou shalt see that my words are true. Then she sent for the Kazi and witnesses, and said to them, write my contract of marriage with this young man, and bear ye witness that I have received the marriage settlement. When they had drawn up the document, she said, be witness that all my monies which are in this chest, and all I have in slaves, and handmaidens, and other property is given in free gift to this young man. So they took act of this statement, enabling me to assume possession in right of marriage, and then withdrew after receiving their fees. Thereupon she took me by the hand, and leading me to a closet, opened a large chest, and said to me, see what is herein. And I looked, and behold, it was full of kerchiefs. Quoth she, this is the money I had from thee, and every kerchief thou gavest me, containing fifty dinars, I wrapped up and cast into this chest. So now take thine own, for it returns to thee, and this day thou art become of high estate. Fortune and fate afflicted thee so that thou didst lose thy right hand for my sake, and I can never requite thee. Nay, although I gave my life, twerpeth little, and I should still remain thy debtor. Then she added, take charge of thy property, so I transferred the contents of her chest to my chest, and added my wealth to her wealth which I had given her, and my heart was eased, and my sorrow ceased. I stood up and kissed her, and thanked her, and she said, thou hast given thy hand for the love of me, and how am I able to give thee an equivalent? By Allah, if I offered my life for thy love, it were indeed but little, and would not do justice to thy claim upon me. Then she made over to me by deed all that she possessed in clothes and ornaments of gold and pearls, and goods and farms and chattels, and lay not down to sleep that night, being sorely grieved for my grief, till I told her the whole of what had throughfallen me. I passed the night with her, but before we had lived together a month's time, she fell sorely sick and illness increased upon her by reason of her grief for the loss of my hand, and she endured but fifty days before she was numbered among the folk of futurity and the heirs of immortality. So I laid her out and buried her body in mother earth, and let make a pious perfection of the Quran for the health of her soul, and gave much money in arms for her, after which I turned me from the grave and returned to the house. There I found that she had left much substance in ready money and slaves, mansions, lands and domains, and among her storehouse was a granary of sesame seed, whereof I sold part to thee, and I had neither time nor inclination to take count with thee, till I had sold the rest of the stock in store, nor indeed even now have I made an end of receiving the price. So I desire thou balk me not in what I am about to say to thee, twice have I eaten of thy food, and I wish to give thee as a present the monies for the sesame which I buy thee, such is the cause of the cutting off of my right hand and my eating with my left. Indeed, said I, thou has shown me the utmost kindness and liberality. Then he asked me, why shouldst thou not travel with me to my native country, whither I am about to return with Kyrene and Alexandrian stuffs? Say me, wilt thou accompany me? And I answered, I will. So I agreed to go with him at the head of the month, and I sold all I had and bought other merchandise. Then we set out and travelled, I and the young man, to this country of yours, another investment of country stuffs, and continued his journey to Egypt. But it was my lot to abide here, so that these things befell me in my strangerhood which befell last night. And is not this tale, O king of the age, more wondrous and marvellous than the story of the hunchback? Not so, quoth the king, I cannot accept it, there is no help for it, but you be hanged, every one of you. And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of the day and ceased saying her permitted say. When it was the 27th night she said, it hath reached me, O auspicious king, that when the king of China declared there is no help for it, but you be hanged. The reave of the sultan's kitchen came forward and said if thou permit me, I will tell thee a tale of what befell me just before I found this gobble. And if it be more wondrous than his story do thou grant us our lives. And when the king answered yes, he began to recount the reave's tale. No, O king, that last night I was at a party where they made a perfection of the Quran and got together doctors of law and religion skilled in recitation and in toning. And when the readers ended the table was spread and amongst other things they set before us was a marinated ragu covered with cumin seed. So we sat down but one of our number held back and refused to touch it. We conjured him to eat of it but he swore he would not and when we again pressed him he said be not instant with me suffice hith me that which hath already befalled me through eating it. And he began reciting shoulder thy tray and go straight to thy goal When he ended his verse we said to him Allah upon thee tell us thy reason for refusing to eat of the cumin ragu. If so it be he replied and needs must I eat of it I will not do so except I wash my hand forty times with soap forty times with potash and forty times with gallon gale the total being one hundred and twenty washings. There upon the hospitable host bat his slaves bring water so he required and the young man washed his hand as aforementioned then he sat down as if disgusted and frightened with all and dipping his hand in the ragu began eating and at the same time showing signs of anger and we wondered at him with extreme wonderment for his hand trembled and the morsel in it shook and we saw that his thumb had been cut off and he ate with his four fingers only so we said to him Allah upon thee what happened to thy thumb is thy hand thus by the creation of God or had some accident befallen it Oh my brothers he answered it is not only thus with this thumb but also with my other thumb and with both my great toes as you shall see so saying he uncovered his left hand and his feet and we saw that the left hand was even as the right and in light manner that each of his feet lacked its great toe when we saw him after this fashion our amazement waxed still greater and we said to him we have hardly patience enough to await thy history and to hear the manner of the cutting off of thy thumbs and the reason of thy washing both hands 120 times no then said he that my father was chief of the merchants and the wealthiest of them all in Baghdad city during the reign of the caliph Haruna Rashid and he was much given to wine drinking and listening to the loot and other instruments of pleasant so that when he died he left nothing I buried him and had perfections of the Quran made for him and mourned him days and nights then I opened his shop and found that he had left in it few goods while his debts were many however I compounded with his creditors for time to settle their demands and betook myself to buying and selling paying them something from week to week on account and I gave not over doing this till I had cleared off his obligations in full and began adding to my principal one day as I sat in my shop suddenly and unexpectedly there appeared before me a young lady than whom I never saw a fairer wearing the richest raiment and ornaments and riding a she-mule with one negro slave walking before her and another behind her she drew rain at the head of the exchange bazaar and entered followed by a new nook who said to her oh my lady come out and away without telling anyone lest thou light a fire which will burn us all up moreover he stood before her guarding her from view whilst she looked at the merchant's shops she found none open but mine so she came up with the unit behind her and sitting down in my shop saluted me and I heard I ought fairer than her speech or sweeter than her voice then she unveiled her face and I saw that she was like the moon and I stole a glance at her whose sight caused me a thousand sighs and my heart was captivated with love of her and I kept looking again and again upon her face repeating these verses say to the charmer in the dove-hued veil death would be welcome to abate thy veil favor me with thy favors that I live see I stretch forth my palm to take thy veil when she heard my verse she answered me saying I've lost all patience by despite of you my heart knows nothing save love plight to you if ought I sight save charm so bright of you my parting and not in the sight of you I swear I'll near forget my right of you and feign this breast would soar to height of you you made me drain the love-cup and I leaf a love-cup tender for delight of you take this my form where ere you go and when you die entomb me in the sight of you call on me in my grave and hear my bones sigh their responses to the shrite of you and were I asked of God what would thou see answer first his will then thy decree when she ended her verse she asked me oh youth hast thou any fair stuffs by thee and I answered oh my lady thy slave is poor but have patience till the merchants open their shops and I will suit thee with what thou wilt then we sat talking I and she and I was drowned in the sea of her love dazed in the desert of my passion for her till the merchants opened their shops when I rose and fetched her all she sought to the tune of 5,000 dirhams she gave the stuff to the eunuch and going forth by the door of the exchange she mounted me all and went away without telling me when she came and I was ashamed to speak of such trifle when the merchants done me for the price I made myself answerable for 5,000 dirhams and went home drunken with love of her they sat supper before me and I ate a mouthful thinking only of her beauty and loveliness and sought to sleep but sleep came not to me and such was my condition for a whole week when the merchants required their monies of me but I persuaded them to have patience for another week at the end of which time she again appeared mounted on a she-mule and attended by her eunuch and her two slaves said oh my master we have been long in bringing thee the price of the stuffs but now fetch the shroff and take thy monies so I sent for the money changer and the eunuch counted out the coin before him and made it over to me then we sat talking I and she till the market opened when she said to me get me this and that so I got her from the merchants what so she wanted and she took it and went away without saying a word about the price as soon as she was out of sight I repented me of what I had done for the worth of the stuffs bought for her amounted to a thousand dinars and I said in my soul what manner of love is this she hath brought me five thousand dirhams and hath taken goods for a thousand dinars I feared lest I should be beggard through having to pay the merchants their money and I said they know none other but me this lovely lady is naught but a cheat and a swindler who hath diddled me with her beauty and grace for she saw that I was a mere youth and laughed at me for not asking her address I ceased not to be troubled by these doubts and fears as she was absent more than a month till the merchants pestered me for their money and were so hard upon me that I put up my property for sale and stood on the very brink of ruin however as I was sitting in my shop one day and calling musings she suddenly rode up and dismounting at the bizarre gate came straight towards me when I saw her all my cares fell from me and I forgot every trouble she came close up to me and greeted me with her sweet voice and pleasant speech and presently said fetch me the shroff and weigh thy money so she gave me the price of what goods I had gotten for her and more and fell to talking freely with me and yet to die of joy and delight presently she asked me how's thou a wife and I answered no indeed I have never known woman and began to shed tears quoth she why weepest thou quoth I it is nothing then giving the eunuch some of the gold pieces I begged him to be go between in the matter but he laughed and said she is more in love with thee than thou with her she hath no occasion for the stuff she hath bought of thee and did all this only for love of thee so ask of her what thou wilt and she will deny thee nothing when she saw me giving the dinars to the eunuch she returned and sat down again and I said to her be charitable to thy slave and pardon him what he is about to say then I told her what was in my mind and she assented and said to the eunuch thou shalt carry my message to him adding to me now what so the eunuch bideth thee then she got up and went away and I paid the merchants their monies and they all profited but as for me regret at the breaking off of our intercourse was all my gain and I slept not the whole of that night however before many days passed her eunuch came to me and I entreated him honorably and asked him after his mistress truly she is sick with love of thee he replied and I rejoined tell me who and what she is quoth he the lady's ubaida queen consort of Harul Narashid brought her up as a reeling and hath advanced her to be stewardess of the Harim and gave her the right of going in and out of her own sweet will she spoke to her lady of thee and begged her to marry her to thee but she said I will not do this till I see the young man and if he be worthy of thee to him so now we look for the moment to smuggle thee into the palace and if thou succeed in entering privily thou wilt win thy wish to wed her but if the affair get win the lady's ubaida will strike off thy head what says thou to this I answered I will go with thee and abide the risk whereof thou speakest then said he as soon as it is night go to the mosque built by the lady's ubaida on the Tigris and pray the night prayers and sleep there with love and gladness cried I so at nightfall I repaired to the mosque where I prayed and passed the night with the earliest dawn behold came sundry eunuchs in a skiff with a number of empty chests which they deposited in the mosque then all of them went their ways but one and looking curiously at him I saw he was our go-between presently in came the handmaiden my mistress walking straight up to us and I rose to her and embraced her while she kissed me and shed tears we talked a while after which she made me get into one of the chests which she locked upon me presently the other eunuchs came back with a quantity of packages and she failed to stowing them in the chests which she locked down one by one till all were shut when all was done I embarked the chests in the boat and made for the ladies of Baida's palace with this thought began to beset me and I said to myself verily thy lust and wantonness will be the death of thee and the question is after all shallt thou win to thy wish or not and I began to weep boxed up as I was in the box and suffering from cramp and I prayed Allah that he deliver me from the dangerous straight I was in the boat gave not over going on till it reached the palace gate where they lifted out the chests and amongst them that in which I was then they carried them in passing through a troop of eunuchs guardians of the Harim and of the ladies behind the curtain till they came to the post of the eunuch in chief who started up from his slumbers and shouted to the damsel what is in those chests they are full of wares for the ladies of Baida open them one by one that I may see what is in them and wherefore wouldst thou open them give me no words and exceed not in talk these chests must and shall be opened so saying he sprang to his feet and the first which they brought to him to open was that wherein I was and when I felt his hands upon it my senses failed me and I be pissed myself in my funk the water running out of the box then said she to the eunuch in chief oh steward thou wilt cause me to be killed and thyself too for thou hast damaged goods worth ten thousand dinars this chest contains coloured dresses and four gallon flasks of zem zem water and now one of them hath got unstopped and the water is running out over the clothes and it will spoil their colours the eunuch answered take up thy boxes and get thee gone to the curse of god so the slaves carried off all the chests including mine and hastened on with them till suddenly I heard the voice of one say alack and alack the khalif the khalif when that cry struck my nears I died in my skin and said a saying which never yet shamed the sayer there is no majesty and there is no might save in Allah the glorious the great I and only I have brought this calamity upon myself presently I heard the khalif in my mistress a plague on thee what is in those boxes and she answered dresses for the lady Zubaira whereupon he opened them before me when I heard this I died my death outright and said to myself by Allah today is the very last of my days in this world if I come safe out of this I am to marry her and no more words but detection stares me in the face and my head is as good as stricken then I repeated the profession of faith saying there is no god but thee god and Muhammad is the apostle of god and Shahrazaad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say end of section 19 the book of a thousand nights and a night volume 1 section 20 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for further information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org section 20 volume 1 of the book of a thousand nights and a night translated by Sir Richard Burton when it was the 28th night she said she preached me a auspicious king that the young merchant continued as follows now when I testified I bear witness that there is no god save thee god I heard my mistress the handmaid declare to the caliph these chests O commander of the faithful have been committed to my charge by the ladies of Baida and she doth not wish their contents to be seen by anyone no matter quoth the caliph I will be opened I will see what is in them and he cried aloud to the eunuchs bring the chests here before me at this I made sure of death without benefit of a doubt and swooned away then the eunuchs brought the chests up to him one after another and he fell to inspecting the contents but he saw in them only otters and staffs and fine dresses and they ceased not opening the chests and he ceased not looking to see what was in them finding only clothes and such matters till none remained unopened but the box in which I was boxed they put forth their hands to open it but my mistress the handmaid made haste and said to the caliph this one shalt thou see only in the presence of the ladies of Baida for that which is in it is her secret when he heard this he gave orders to carry in the chests so they took up that wherein I was bore it with the rest into the harem and set it down in the midst of the saloon and indeed my spittle was dried up for very fear then my mistress opened the box and took me out saying fear not no harm shall be tied thee now nor dread but broaden thy breast and strengthen thy heart and sit thee down till the ladies of Baida come and surely thou shalt win thy wish of me so I sat down after a while in came ten handmaidens virgins like moons and ranged themselves in two rows five facing five and after them twenty other damsels high bosomed virginity surrounding the ladies of Baida who could hardly walk for the weight of her raiment and ornaments as she drew near the slave girls dispersed from around her and I advanced and kissed the ground between her hands she signed to me to sit and when I sat down before her chair she began questioning me of my forebears and family and condition to which I made such answers that pleased her and she said to my mistress our nurturing of thee, O damsel, hath not disappointed us then she said to me know that this handmaiden is to us even as our own child and she is a trust committed to thee by Allah I again kissed the ground before her well pleased that I should marry my mistress and she bade me abide ten days in the palace so I abode there ten days during which time I saw not my mistress nor anybody save one of the concubines who brought me the morning and evening meals after this the ladies of Baida took counsel with the caliph on the marriage of her favourite handmaid and he gave her leave and assigned to her a wedding portion of ten thousand gold pieces so the ladies of Baida sent for the kazi and witnesses who wrote our marriage contract after which the women made ready sweetmeats and rich vians and distributed them among all the audas of the harem thus they did other ten days at the end of which time my mistress went to the baths meanwhile they set before me a tray of food whereon were various meats pistachios dishes which were enough to daze the wits was a bowl of cumin ragu containing chickens breasts fricandoed and flavoured with sugar pistachios, musk and rose water then by Allah fair sirs I did not long hesitate but took my seat before the ragu and fell to and ate of it till I could no more after this I wiped my hands but forgot to wash them then the wax canals were lighted and the singing women came in with their tambourines and proceeded to display the bride in various dresses and to carry her in procession from room to room all round the palace getting their palms crossed with gold then they brought her to me and disrobed her when I found myself alone with her on the bed I embraced her hardly believing in our union but she smelt the strong odas on my hands and forthwith cried out with an exceedingly loud cry at which the slave girls came running to her from all sides I trembled with alarm unknowing what was the matter and the girls asked her what alithi o our sister she answered them take this mad man away from me I had thought he was a man of sense quoth I to her what makes they think me mad quoth she what made the eat of cumin ragu and forget to wash thy hand by Allah I will requite thee for thy misconduct shall the like of thee come to bed with the like of me with unclean hands then she took from her side a plated scourge and came down with it on my back and the place where I sit till her forearms were benummed and I fainted away from the much beating when she said to the handmaids take him and carry him to the chief of police that he may strike off the hand wherewith he ate of the cumin ragu and which he did not wash when I heard this I said there is no majesty and there is no might save in Allah will thou cut off my hand because I ate of a cumin ragu and did not wash the handmaidens also interceded with her and kissed her hand saying oh our sister this man is a simpleton punish him not for what he hath done this nonce but she answered by Allah there is no help but that I dock him of somewhat especially the offending member then she went away and I saw no more of her for ten days during which time she sent me meat and drink by a slave girl who told me that she had fallen sick of the smell of the cumin ragu after that time she came to me and said oh black of face I will teach thee how to eat cumin ragu with thy hands then she cried out to the handmaids who pinioned me and she took a sharp razor and cut off my thumbs and great toes even as you see oh fair assembly thereupon I swooned away and she sprinkled some powder of healing herbs upon the stumps and when the blood was stanched I said never again will I eat of cumin ragu without washing my hands forty times with potash with gallon gale and forty times with soap and she took of me an oath and bound me by a covenant to that effect when therefore you brought me the cumin ragu my colour changed and I said to myself it was this very dish that caused the cutting off of my thumbs and great toes and when you forced me I said needs must I fulfil the oath I have sworn and what befell thee after this asked those present and he answered when I swore to her her anger was appeased and I slept with her that night we abode thus a while till she said to me one day verily the palace of the caliph is not a pleasant place for us to live in and none ever entered it save thyself and thou only by grace of the lady zubaira now she hath given me fifty thousand dinars adding take this money and go out and buy us a fair dwelling house so I fared forth and bought a fine and spacious mansion with her she removed all the wealth she owned and what riches I had gained in stuffs and costly rarities such is the cause of the cutting off of my thumbs and great toes we at continued the rieve and were returning to our homes when there befell me with the hunchback that thou wattest of this then is my story and peace be with thee this story is on no wise more delectable than the story of the hunchback nay it is even less so and there is no help for the hanging of the whole of you then came forward the jewish physician and kissing the ground said oh king of the age I will tell thee an history more wonderful than that of the hunchback tell on said the king of china so he began the tale of the jewish doctor right marvellous was a matter which came to pass to me in my youth I lived in Damascus of Syria studying my art and one day as I was sitting at home behold there came to me a mamalook from the household of the Sahib and said to me speak with my lord so I followed him to the viceroy's house and entering the great hall saw at its head a couch of cedar plated with gold whereon lay a sickly youth with all fairer than he one could not see I sat down by his head and prayed to heaven for a cure and he made me a sign with his eyes so I said to him oh my lord favour me with thy hand and safety be with thee then he put forth his left hand and I marvelled there at and said by Allah strange that this handsome youth the son of a great house should so lack good manners this can be nothing but pride however I felt his pulse and wrote him a prescription and continued to visit him for ten days at the end of which time he recovered and went to the Hamam whereupon the viceroy gave me a handsome dress of honour and appointed me superintendent of the hospital which is in Damascus I accompanied him to the baths the whole of which they had kept private for his accommodation and the servants came in with him and took off his clothes within the bath and when he was stripped I saw that his right hand had been newly cut off and this was the cause of his weakness at this I was amazed and grieved for him then looking at his body I saw on it the scars of scourged stripes where to he had applied unguents I was troubled at the sight and my concern appeared in my face the young man looked at me and comprehending the matter said oh physician of the age marvel not at my case I will tell thee my story as soon as we quit the baths then we washed and returning to his house ate somewhat of food and took rest a while after which he asked me what saist thou to solicin thee by inspecting the supper hall and I answered so let it be thereupon he ordered the slaves to carry out the carpets and cushions required and roast a lamb and bring us some fruit they did his bidding and we act together he using the left hand for the purpose after a while I said to him now tell me thy tale oh physician of the age replied he hear what befell me know that I am of the sons of Mosul where my grandfather died leaving nine children of whom my father was the eldest all grew up and took to them wives but none of them was blessed except my father to whom providence vouchsafed me so I grew up amongst my uncles who rejoiced in me with exceeding joy till I came to man's estate one day which happened to be a friday I went to the cathedral mosque of Mosul with my fathers and my uncles and we prayed the congregational prayers after which the folk went forth except my father and uncles who sat talking of wondrous things in foreign parts and the marvellous sights of strange cities at last they mentioned Egypt and one of my uncles said travellers tell us that there is not on earth's face ought fairer than Cairo and her Nile these words made me long to see Cairo what my father whoso hath not seen Cairo hath not seen the world her dust is golden and her Nile a miracle-holden men are as hoories fair puppets beautiful pictures her houses are palaces rare her water is sweet and light and her mud a commodity and a medicine beyond compare even as said the poet in this his poetry the Nile flood this day is the gain you own you alone in such gain and bounties wown the Nile is my tear flood of severance none is forlorn but I alone moreover temperate is her air and with fragrance blend which surpasseth allows would in scent and how should it be otherwise she being the mother of the world and Allah favour him who wrote these lines and I quit Cairo and her plaisances where can I when to find so gladsome ways shall I desert that sight for sense joy every soul and call for loudest praise where every palace as another Eden carpets and cushions richly wrought displays a city wooing sight and sprite to glee where saint meets sinner and each joys his craze where friend meets friend by Providence united in greeny garden where Allah's doom I fare with you in thoughts I wown all ways whisper not Cairo in the ear of Zephyr lest for her like of garden scents he reave her and if your eyes saw her earth and the adornment thereof with bloom and the purfling of it with all manner blossoms and the islands of the Nile and how much is therein of widespread and goodly prospect your sight upon the Abyssinian pond your glance would not revert from the scene quit of wonder for nowhere would you behold the fellow of that lovely view and indeed the two arms of the Nile embrace most luxuriant verger as the white of the eye encompasseth its black or like filligreed silver surrounding chrysalines and divinely gifted was the poet who there and hence said these couplets Abyssinian pond, O day divine in morning twilight and in sunny shine the water prisoned in its vergerous walls like sabre flashes before shrinking iron and in the garden sat we while it drains slow draft with perfiled sides dyed finest fine the stream is rippled by the hands of clouds we too are rippling on our rugs recline passing pure wine and whoso leaves us there shall ne'er arise from fall his woes design draining long drafts from large and brimming bowls administering thirsts only medicine wine and what is there to compare with the rasad the observatory and its charms whereof every viewer as he approacheth sayeth verily this spot is specialised with a manner of excellence and if thou speak of the night of nile full give the rainbow and distribute it and if thou behold the garden at eventide with the cool shades sloping far and wide a marvel thou wouldst see and wouldst incline to Egypt in ecstasy and wort thou by Cairo's riverside when the sun is sinking and the stream dons mailcoat and habagion over its other vestments thou wouldst be quickened to new life by its gentle zeffas and by its all sufficient shade so spakey and the rest fell to describing Egypt and her nile as I heard their accounts my thoughts dwelt upon the subject and when after talking their feel all arose and went their ways I lay down to sleep that night but sleep came not because of my violent longing for Egypt and neither meat pleased me nor drink after a few days my uncles equipped themselves for a trade journey to Egypt and I wept before my father till he made ready for me fitting merchandise and he consented to my going with them saying however let him not enter Cairo but leave him to sell his wares at Damascus so I took leave of my father and we fared forth from Mosul and gave not over travelling where we halted certain days then we marched onwards till we made Damascus and we found her a city as though she were a paradise abounding in trees and streams and birds and fruits of all kinds we lighted at one of the cairns where my uncles tarried a while selling and buying and they bought and sold also in my account each dear harm turning a profit of five on prime cost which pleased me mightily after this they left me alone and set their faces Egypt woods whilst I abode at Damascus where I had hired from a jeweler for two dinars a month a mansion whose beauties would beg of the tongue here I remained eating and drinking and spending what monies I had in hand till one day as I was sitting at the door of my house behold there came a young lady clad in costliest raiment never saw my eyes richer I winked at her and she stepped inside without hesitation and stood within I entered with her and shut the door upon myself and her whereupon she raised her face veil and threw off her mantilla when I found her like a pictured moon of rare and marvellous loveliness and love of her gath hold of my heart so I rose and brought a tray of the most delicate eatables and fruits on the occasion and we ate and played and after that we drank till the wine turned our heads then I lay with her the sweetest of nights and in the morning I offered her ten gold pieces when her face lowered and her eyebrows wrinkled and shaking with wrath she cried fire upon thee o my sweet companion dost thou deem that I covet thy money then she took out from the bosom of her shift fifteen dinars and laying before me said by Allah unless thou take them I will never come back to thee so I accepted them and she said to me O my beloved expect me again in three days time when I will be with thee between sunset and suppotide and do thou prepare for us with these dinars the same entertainment as yesterday night so saying she took leave of me and went away and all my senses went with her on the third day she came again clad in stuff weft with gold wire and wearing raiment and ornaments finer than before I had prepared the place for her ere she arrived and the repast was ready so we ate and drank and laid together as we had done till the morning when she gave me other fifteen gold pieces and promised to come again after three days accordingly I made ready for her and at the appointed time she presented herself more richly dressed than on the first and second occasions and said to me O my lord am I not beautiful ye by Allah thou art answered I and she went on wilt thou allow me to bring with me a young lady fairer than I and younger in years that she may play with us and thou and she may laugh and make merry and rejoice her heart for she had been very mad this long time passed and hath asked me to take her out and let her spend the night abroad with me, ye by Allah I replied and we drank till the wine turned our heads and slept till the morning when she gave me other fifteen dinars saying add something to thy usual provision on account of the young lady who will come with me then she went away and on the fourth day I made ready the house as usual and soon after sunset behold she came accompanied by another damsel carefully wrapped in her mantilla they entered and sat down and when I saw them I repeated these verses how dear is our day and how lucky our lot when the cynics away with his tongue malign when love and delight and the swimming of head send cleverness trotting the best boon of wine when the full moon shines from the cloudy veil and the branchlet sways in her greens that shine when the red rose mantles in freshest cheek and Narcissus opeth his love-sick in when pleasure with those I love is so sweet when friendship with those I love is complete I rejoiced to see them and lighted the candles after receiving them with gladness and delight they doffed their heavy outer dresses and the new damsel uncovered her face when I saw that she was like the moon at its full never beheld I ought more beautiful then I rose and sat meet and drink before them and we ate and drank and I kept giving mouthfuls to the newcomer crowning her cup and drinking with her till the first damsel waxing inwardly jealous asked me by Allah am I more delicious than I? where too I answered I by the Lord it is my wish that thou lie with her this night for I am thy mistress but she is our visitor upon my head be it and my eyes then she rose and spread the carpets for our bed and I took the young lady and lay with her that night till morning when I awoke and found myself wet as I thought with sweat and tried to arouse the damsel but when I shook her by the shoulders my hand became crimson with blood and her head rolled off the pillow there upon my senses fled and I cried aloud saying oh all powerful protector grant me thy protection then finding her neck had been severed I sprung up and the world waxed black before my eyes and I looked for the lady my former love but could not find her so I knew that it was she who had murdered the damsel in her jealousy and said there is no majesty and there is no might saving Allah the glorious the great what is to be done now I considered a while then doffing my clothes dug a hole in the middle of the courtyard wherein I laid the murdered girl with her jewellery and golden ornaments and throwing back the earth on her replaced the slabs of the marble pavement after this I made the rustle or total ablution and put on pure clothes then taking what money I had left locked up the house and summoned courage and went to its owner to whom I paid a year's rent saying I am about to join my uncles in Cairo presently I set out and journeying to Egypt foregathered with my uncles who rejoiced in me and I found that they had made an end of selling their merchandise they asked me why is the cause of thy coming and I answered I longed for a sight of you but did not let them know that I had any money with me I abode with them a year enjoying the pleasures of Cairo and her Nile and squandering the rest of my money in feasting and carousing till the time drew near for the departure of my uncles when I fled from them and hid myself they made inquiries and sought for me but hearing no tidings they said they will have gone back to Damascus when they departed I came forth from my hiding place and abode in Cairo three years until nought remained of my money now every year I used to send the rent of the Damascus house to its owner until at last I had nothing left but enough to pay him for one year's rent and my breast was straightened so I travelled to Damascus and alighted at the house whose owner, the jeweler came to me and I found everything locked up as I had left it I opened the closets and took out my clothes and necessaries and came upon beneath the carpet bed whereon I had lain that night with a girl who had been beheaded a golden necklace set with ten gems of passing beauty I took it up and cleansing it of the blood sat gazing upon it and wept a while then I abode in the house two days and on the third I took her arm and changed my clothes I had no money by me now so Satan whispered temptation to me that the decree of destiny be carried out next day I took the jeweled necklace to the bazaar and handed it to a broker who made me sit down in the shop of the jeweler my landlord and bade me have patience till the market was full when he carried off the ornament and proclaimed it for sale, privately and without my knowledge the necklace was priced as worth two thousand dinars but the broker returned to me and said this collar is of copper a mere counterfeit after the fashion of the francs and a thousand dirhams have been bidden for it yes I answered I knew it to be copper as we had it made for a certain person that we might mock her now my wife hath inherited it and we wish to sell it so go and take over the thousand dirhams and Shahrazar perceived the dawn of the day and ceased to say her permitted say when it was the 29th night she said it hath reached me, o auspicious king that the beautiful youth said to the broker take over the thousand dirhams and when the broker heard this he knew that the case was suspicious so he carried the collar to the syndic of the bazaar and the syndic took it to the governor who was also prefect of police and said to him falsely enough this necklace was stolen from my house and we have found the thief in traders dress so before I was aware of it the watch got round me and making me their prisoner carried me before the governor who questioned me of the collar I told him the tale I had told to the broker but he laughed and said these words are not true then before I knew what was doing the guards stripped off my clothes and came down with palm rods upon my ribs till for the smart of the stick I confessed it was I who stole it saying to myself it is better for thee to say I stole it than to let them know that its owner was murdered in thy house for then would they slay thee to avenge her so they wrote down that I had stolen it and they cut off my hand and scalded the stump in oil when I swooned away for pain but they gave me wine to drink and I recovered and taking up my hand was going to my fine house when my landlord said to me in as much on my son as this hath befallen thee thou must leave my house and look out for another lodging for thee since thou art convicted of theft thou art a handsome youth but who will pity thee after this all my master said I bear with me but two days or three till I find me another place he answered so be it and went away and left me I returned to the house where I sat weeping and saying how shall I go back to my own people with my hand locked off and they know not that I am innocent perchance even after this Allah may order some matter for me and I wept with exceeding weeping grief beset me and bore trouble for two days but on the third day my landlord came suddenly into me and with him some of the guard and the syndic of the bazaar who had falsely charged me with stealing the necklace I went up to them and asked what is the matter however they pinioned me without further parley and threw a chain about my neck saying the necklace which was with thee hath proved to be the property of the wazir of Damascus and they added it was missing from his house three years ago at the same time as his younger daughter when I heard these words my heart sank within me and I said to myself thy life is gone beyond a doubt by Allah needs must I tell the chief my story and if he will let him kill me and if he please let him pardon me so they carried me to the wazir's house and made me stand between his hands when he saw me he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and said to those present why did ye lop off his hand this man is unfortunate and there is no fault in him indeed ye have wronged him in cutting off his hand when I heard this I took heart and my soul presaging good I said to him by Allah oh my lord I am no thief but they columnated me with a vile columny and they scourged me midmost the market bidding me confess till for the pain of the rods I lied against myself and confessed the theft albeit I am altogether innocent of it fear not quoth the viceroy no harm shall come to thee then he ordered the syndic of the bazaar to be imprisoned and said to him give this man the blood money for his hand and if thou delay I will hang thee and seize all thy property moreover he called to his guards who took him and dragged him away leaving me with the chief then they loosed by his command the chain from my neck and unbound my arms and he looked at me and said oh my son be true with me and tell me how this necklace came to thee and he repeated these verses truth best befits thee albeit truth shall bring thee to burn on the threatened fire by Allah oh my lord answered I I will tell thee nothing but the truth then I related to him all that had passed between me and the first lady and how she had brought me the second and had slain her out of jealousy and I detailed for him the tale to its full when he heard my story he shook his head and struck his right hand upon the left and putting his kerchief over his face he wept a while and then repeated I see the woes of the world abound and the worldings sick with spleen and teen there's one who the meeting of two shall part and who part not a few and far between then he turned to me and said no oh my son that the elder damsel who first came to thee was my daughter whom I used to keep closely guarded when she grew up she married her to Cairo and married her to her cousin my brother's son after a while he died and she came back but she had learnt wantonness and ungraciousness from the people of Cairo so she visited thee four times and at last brought her younger sister now they were sisters German and much attached to each other and when that adventure happened to the elder she disclosed her secret to her sister who desired to go out with her so she asked thy leave and carried her to thee after which she returned alone and finding her weeping I questioned her of her sister but she said I know nothing of her however she presently told her mother privately of what had happened and how she had cut off her sister's head and her mother told me then she ceased not to weep and say by Allah I shall cry for her till I die nor did she give over morning till her heart broke and she died and things fell out after that fashion see then oh my son what hath come to pass and now I desire thee not to thwart me in what I am about to offer thee and it is that I purpose to marry thee to my youngest daughter for she is a virgin and born of another mother and I will take no dower of thee but on the contrary I am an allowance and thou shalt abide with me in my house in the stead of my son so be it I answered and how could I hope for such good fortune then he sent at once for the kazi and witnesses and let write my marriage contract with his daughter and I went into her moreover he got me from the syndic of the bazaar a large sum of money and I became in high favour with him that year news came to me that my father was dead and the wazir dispatched a courier with letters bearing the royal sign manual to fetch me the money which my father had left behind him and now I am living in all the solace of life such was the manner of the cutting off of my right hand I marveled at his story continued the Jew and I abode with him three days after which he gave me much wealth walked out and travelled eastward till I reached this your city and the sojourn suited me right well so I took up my abode here and there befell me what thou knowest with the hunchback thereupon the king of china shook his head and said this story of thine is not stranger and more wondrous and marvellous and delectable than the tale of the hunchback and so needs must I hang the whole number of you however there yet remains the tailor who is head of all the offence and he added oh tailor if thou canst tell me anything more wonderful than the story of the hunchback I will pardon you all your offences thereupon the man came forward and began to tell the tale of the tailor and of section 20 section 21 volume 1 of the book of a thousand nights in a night translated by Richard Burton this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Melissa the book of a thousand nights in a night section 21 no oking of the age that most marvellous was that which befell me but yesterday before I foregathered the hunchback it so chanced that in the early day I was at the marriage feast of one of my companions who had gotten together in his house some 20 of the handyscraftmen of the city amongst them tailors and silk spinners and carpenters and others of the same kidney as soon as the sun had risen they sit food before us that we might eat when behold the master of the house entered and with him a foreign youth and well-favored of the people of Baghdad wearing clothes as handsome as handsome could be and he was of right comely presence saved that he was lame of one leg he came and saluted us and we stood up to receive him but when he was about to sit down he aspired amongst us a certain man which was a barber whereupon he refused to be seated and would have gone away but we stopped him and our host also stayed him making oath that he should not leave us and asked him what is the reason of thy coming in and going out again what once where unto he answered by Allah oh my lord do not hinder me by turning back his yon barber of bad omen yon black aface yon narrow do well when the house master heard these words he marveled with extreme marvel and said how come if this young man who haileth from Baghdad to be so troubled and perplexed about this barber then we looked at the stranger and said explain the cause of thine anger against the barber oh fair companion quote the youth there befell me a strange adventurer with this barber in Baghdad which is my native city that was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my lameness and I have sworn never to sit in the same place with him nor even terry in any town where he happens to abide and I have bid an adieu to Baghdad and have traveled far from it and came to stay in this your city yet I have hardly passed one night before I meet him again but not another day shall go by ere I fare forth from here said we to him Allah upon me tell us the tale of my father changing color from brown to yellow as he spoke no oh fair company that my father was one of the chief merchants of Baghdad and almighty Allah had blessed him with no son but myself when I grew up and reached man's estate my father was received into the mercy of Allah whose name be exalted and left me money in eunuchs, servants and slaves and I used to dress well and diet well now Allah has made me a hater of women kind and one day as I was walking along a street in Baghdad a party of females met me face to face in the footway so I fled from them and entering an alley which was no thoroughfare sat down upon a stone bench at its other end I had not sat there long before the lattice window of one of the house's opposite was thrown open and there appeared at it a young woman as she were the full moon in its fullest never in my life saw I her like and she began to water some flowers on the window sill she turned right and left suddenly watching her shut the window and went away there upon fire was suddenly incandled in my heart my mind was possessed with her and my woman hate turned to woman love I continued sitting there lost to the world till sunset when low the cause of the city came riding by with the slaves before him and his eunuchs behind him and dismounting into the house in which the damsel had appeared by this I knew that he was her father so I went home sorrowful on my carpet bed in grief then my handmates flocked in and sat about me unknowing what ailed me but I addressed no speech to them and they wept and wailed over me presently in came an old woman who looked at me and saw with a glance what was the matter with me so she by my head spoke me fair saying oh my son tell me all about it and I will be the means of thy union with her so I related to her what had happened and she answered oh my son this one is the daughter of the cause of Baghdad who keepeth her in the closest seclusion and the window where thou sawest her is her floor whilst her father occupies the large saloon in the lower story she is often there alone and I want to visit at the house so thou shalt not win to her safe through me now set thy wits to work and be of good cheer with these words she went away and I took heart at what she said and my people rejoiced that day seeing me rise in the morning safe and sound by and by the old woman returned looking chop-fallen and said oh my son do not ask me how I fared with her when I told her that she cried to me if thou hold not thy peace oh Hagavild Alman and leave not such talk I will entreat thee as thou deservedest and do thee die by the foulest of deaths but niece must I have at her a second time when I heard this I added ailment to my ailment and the neighbors visited me and judged that I was not long for this world but after some days the old woman came to me and putting her mouth close to my ear whispered oh my son I claim from thee the gift of good news with this my soul returned to me and I said whatever thou wilt shall be thine thereupon she began yesterday I went to the young lady who seeing me broken in spirit and shedding tears from red and dyes asked me oh non-tea mind what ails thee that I see thy breast so straightened and I answered her weeping bitterly oh my lady I am just come from the house of the youth who loves thee is about to die for sake of thee quoth she and her heart was softened and who is this youth of whom thou speakest and quoth I he is to me as the son and fruit of my vitals he saw thee some days ago at the window watering thy flowers and spying thy face and wrists he fell in love at first sight I let him know what happened to me the last time I was with thee whereupon his ailment increased he took to the pillow and he is not now but a dead man no doubt whatever of it at this she turned pale and asked all this for my sake and I answered I byola what would thou have me do said she go back to him and greet him for me and tell him that I am twice more heart sick than he and on Friday before the hour of public prayer bid him here to the house and I will come down and open the door for him then I will carry him up to my chamber and foregather with him for a while and let him depart before my father he returned from the mosque when I heard the old woman's words all my sickness suddenly fell for me and my anguish ceased my heart was comforted I took off what clothes were on me and gave them to her and as she turned to go she said keep a good heart I have not a jot of sorrow left I replied my household and inmates rejoiced in my recovery and I abode thus till Friday when behold the old woman came in and asked me how I did then I donned my clothes and perfumed myself and sat down to await the congregation going into prayers that I might but take myself to her but the old woman said to me thou hast time and despair so thou wouldst do well to go to the Hamam and have thy hair shaven off especially after thy element so as not to show traces of sickness this were the best way answered I I have just now bathed in hot water but I will have my head shaved then I said to my page go to the bazaar and bring me a barber a discreet fellow and when that inclined to meddling or in pertinent curiosity or likely to split my head with his excessive talk the boy went at once and brought back with him this wretched old man this shaiqa of ill omen when he came in he saluted me and I returned to salutation then quoth he of a truth I see thee thin of body then quoth I I have been ailing he continued I sorrow in thy trouble and thy distress all a grant I prayer said I he pursued all gladness to thee O my master for indeed recovery has come to thee does thou wish to be pulled or to be blooded indeed it was a tradition of Ibn Abbas all except of him that the apostles said whoso cuteth his hair on a Friday the Lord shall avert from him three score and ten calamities and again is related of him also that he said cupping on a Friday keepeth from loss of diseases leave this talk I cried come shave my head at once for I can't stand it so he rose and put forth his hand in most leisurely way and took out a kerchief and unfolded it and lo he contained it in astrolabe with seven parallel plates mounted in silver then he went to the middle of the court and raised head and instrument toward the sun's rays and looked for a long while when this was over he came back and said to me this day which be Friday and this Friday be the 10th of the month Safar in the 653rd year since the Hajira or flight of the apostle on whom be the bestest of blessings in peace and the 7,320th year of the era of Alexander eight degrees and six minutes furthermore the ascendant of this our day is according to the exactest science of computation the planet Mars and it so happeneth that Mercury is in conjunction with him denoting an auspicious moment for hair cutting and this also makeeth manifest to me that thou desires union with a certain person and that your intercourse will not be propituous but after this there occureth a sign expecting a matter which will be folly and whereof I will not speak oh thou cried I by all of thou wearyest me and scatterest my wits and thy forecast is other than good I sent for thee to pawl my head and not else so up and shave me and for long not thy speech by all the replied he if thou was to be folly thou wits do nothing this day and I counsel thee to act as I tell thee by computation of the constellations by all I said I never did I see a barber who excelled in judicial astrology save thyself but I think and I know that thou art most prodigal of frivolous talk I sent for thee only to shave my head but thou comest and pesterest me with this sorry prattle what more wits thou have replied he all I have bountlessly bestowed on thee a barber and an astrologer one learned an alchemy and white magic syntax grammar and lexicology the arts of logic rhetoric and elocution mathematics arithmetic and algebra astronomy astronomy and geometry theology the traditions of the apostles and the commentaries of the Quran furthermore I have read books galore and digested them and have had experiences of affairs and comprehended them in short I have learned the theory and the practic of all the arts and sciences I know everything of them by rote and I am a past master in totodorocibly thy father loved me for my lack of officiousness argol to serve thee is a religious duty incumbent on me I am no busy body as thou seemest to suppose and on this account I am known as the silent man also the modest man wherefore behooves thee to render thanks to all the almighty and not cross me for I am a true counselor to thee and benevolently minded towards thee would that I were in thy service a whole year that thou mightst do me justice and I would ask thee no wage for all this when I heard his flow of words I said to him doubtless thou will be my death this day and she hairs odd perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say when it was the 30th night she said it hath reached me oh auspicious king that the young man said to the barber thou certainly will be the death of me this very night oh master mine replied he I am he the silent man by reason of the fewness of my words to distinguish me from my six brothers for the eldest is called al-backbuck the pratler the second al-hadar the babbler the third al-fakik the gabbler the fourth his name is al-qaz al-aswani the long-necked guglet from his eternal chattering the fifth is al-nashar the tatler and tail-teller the sixth shaka shik or mini-clammers and the seventh is famous as al-samit the silent man and this is my noble self whilst he redoubled his talk I thought my gullbladder would have burst so I said to the servant give him a quarter dinar and dismiss him and let him go for me in the name of God who made him I won't have my head shaved today what words be these on my lord cried he by Allah I will accept no hire of thee till I have served thee and have ministered to thy once and I care not if I never take money of thee thou know not my quality I know thine and I owe thy father an honest man on whom Allah Almighty have mercy many a kindness for he was a liberal soul and a generous by Allah he sent for me one day as it were this blessed day and I went into him and found a party of his intimates out him bothy to me let me blood so I pulled out my astrolabe and taking the son's altitude for him I ascertained that the ascendant was inauspicious in the hour unfavorable for brooding I told him of this and he did according to my bidding and awaited a better opportunity so I made these lines in honor of him I went to my patrons some blood to let him but found that the moment was far from good so I sat and talked of all strangenesses and with jests and jokes his good will I would they pleased him and cried he O man of wit thou has proved thee perfect and merry mood quoth I O thou lord of men save thou lend me art and wisdom I am foo and wood in the other gray spoon bounty salvity and I get on the world with floor science and gravity my father was delighted and cried out to the servant give him a hundred and three gold pieces with an robe of honor the man obeyed his orders and I awaited inauspicious moment when I blooded him and he did not bulk me nay he thanked me and I was also thanked and praised by all present when the bloodletting was over I had no power to keep silence and asked him by Allah O my lord what made he say to the servant give him a hundred and three dinars and he answered when dinar was for the astrological observation another for thy pleasant conversation the third for the phlebotomization and the remaining hundred in the dress were for thy verses in my commendation may Allah show small mercy to my father exclaimed I for knowing the like of thee there is no god but God and Muhammad is the apostle of God glory to him that changed and has changed not I took thee for a man of sense but I see thou babblest and dotest for illness Allah hath said in the blessed book paradise is prepared for the godly who bridle their anger and forgive men and so forth and in any case thou art excused yet I cannot conceive the cause of thy hurry and flurry and thou must know that thy father and thy grandfather did and indeed it hath been said truly enough let the advisor be prized and there is no vice and advice and it is also said in certain saws who so hath no counselor elder than he will never himself in elder be and the poet says whatever needful thing thou undertake consult the experienced and contrar him not and indeed thou shalt never find a man better versed in affairs than I and I am here standing on my feet to serve thee I am not vexed with thee why should thou be vexed with me but whatever happen I will bear patiently with thee in memory of the much kindness thy father shooed me by Allah cried I oh thou with tongue long as the tail of the jackass thou persistest in pestering me with thy prait and thou becomeest more long some in thy long speeches when all I want of thee is to shave my head and wind thy way and he lathered my head saying I perceive thou art vexed with me but I will not take it ill of thee and thou art but a laddie it was only yesterday I used to take thee on my shoulder and carry thee to school oh my brother said I for Allah's sake do what I want and go thy gate and I rent my garments when he saw me do this he took the razor and failed to sharpening it and gave not over-strapping it until my senses were well and I leaving me then he came up to me and shaved part of my head then he held his hand and then he said oh my lord haste is Satan's gate and patience is of all of the compassionate but thou all my master I cannot know is not my rank for verily this hand alighted upon the heads of kings and emirs and wasirs and sages and doctors learned in the law and the poet said of one like me all crafts are like necklaces strong on a string but this barbers the union pair of the band however all craftsmen he ranketh and why the heads of the kings are under his hand then said I was talking about with concern of thee not indeed thou hast strained to my breast and subtracted my mind quote he yes yes yes and he I read the patience restraint of self for haste is Satan's pelf which bequeatheth only repentance and ban and bane and he upon whom all blessings and peace have said the best of works is that where and deliberation lurks but I by Allah have some doubt and a fair and so I should like thee to let me know what it is thou art in such haste to do for I fear me it is other than good then he continued it went to three hours yet to prayer time but I do not wish to be in doubt upon this matter nay I must know the moment exactly for truly a guest shot in times of doubt often brings harm about especially on the like of me a superior person whose merits are famous amongst mankind at large and it does not befit me to talk at random as do the common sort of astrologers so saying he threw down the razor and taking up the astrolabe went forth under the sun and stood there a long time after which he returned and counting on his finger said to me there remain still to prayer time three full hours and complete neither more nor yet less according to the most learned astronomicals and the wisest makers of almanacs Allah upon thee cried I hold thy tongue with me for thou breakest my liver and pieces so he took the razor and after sharpening it as before and achieving other two hairs of my head he again held his hand and said I am concerned about thy hastiness and indeed thou wouldst do well to let me know the cause of it toward the better for thee as thou knowest that neither thy father nor thy grandfather ever did a single thing save by my advice when I saw that there was no escape from him I said to myself the time for prayer draws near and I wish to go to her before the folk come out of the mosque if I am delayed much longer I know not how to come to her then said I allowed be quick and stand to this talk in pertinence for I have to go to a party at the house of some of my intimates when he heard me speak of the party he said this thy day is a blessed day for me in very sooth it was but yesterday I invited a company of my friends and I forgot to provide anything for them to eat this very moment I was thinking of it alas how I shall be disgraced in their eyes be not distressed about this matter answered I having now told thee that I am bidden to an entertainment this day so everything in my house eatable and drinkable shall be thine if thou wilt only get through thy work and make haste to shape my head he replied all of we quite thee with good specified to me what is in thy house for my guests that I may be aware of it quoth I five dishes of meat and ten chickens with red and breasts and a roasted lamb then before me quoth he that I may see them so I told my people to buy borrower steel them and bring them in anyways and had all this set before him when he saw it he cried the wine is wanting I replied I have a flag and or two of good old grape juice in the house and he said have it brought out so I sent for it he exclaimed all blessed thee for thy generous disposition there are still the essences and perfumes so I bathe them set before him a box containing knot the best of compound perfumes together with fine Lynn aloes amber grease and musk unmixed the whole worth fifty dinar now the time waxed straight and my heart straightened with it so I said to him take it all and finish shaving my head by the life of Mohammed whom all a blessing keep by Allah said he I will not take it till I see all that is in it so he bade the page open the box and the barber lay down the astrolabe leaving the greater part of my head un-pulled and sitting on the ground turned over the scents and incense and aloes woods and essences until it was not well and I distraught then he took the razor and coming up to me shaved off some few hairs and repeated these lines the boy like his father shall surely grow as the tree from his parent root shall grow then said he by Allah oh my son I know not whether to thank thee or thy father for my entertainment this day is all due to thy bounty and beneficence although none of my company be worthy of it yet I have a set of honourable men to wit, zantu to the bathkeeper and salai the corn chandler and salat the bean seller and akrishah the greengrocer and humaid the scavenger and saeed the camel man and suaid the porter and abumakarish the bath man and kaseem the watchman and kareem the groom there is not a monk in the whole of them a boar or bully in his cups nor medler nor miser if his money and each and every have some dance which he dances with and some of his own couplets which he caroleth and the best of them is that like thy servant thy slave here they know not what much talking is nor what forwardness means the bathkeeper sings to the tom tom a song which enchants and he stands up and dances and chants I am going o mammy to fill up my pot as for the corn chandler he brings more skill to it than any the scavenger sings oh keen o sweet heart that fell is not short and leaves no one's vital sound for laughing at him but the scavenger sings that the birds stop to listen to him and dances and sings news my wife what's is not locked in a box and he hath privilege for tis a shrewd rogue and a witty and speaking of his excellence I am want to say my life for the scavenger right well I love him like a waving bow he is sweet to my sight fate joined us one night when to him quoth I the while I grew weak and love gained more might thy love burns my heart and no wonder quoth he when the drawer of dung turns a stoker white and indeed each is perfect in what so ever can charm the wit with joy and jollity adding presently but hearing is not seeing and indeed if they'll make a stop my mind to join us and put off going to thy frids it will be better for us and for thee vices of illness are yet upon thee and happily thou art going among folk who be mighty talkers, men who commune together of what concerneth them not or there may be amongst them some forward fellow who will split thy head and thou hath thy size from sickness this shall be for some other day answered I and laughed with heart angered finish thy work and go in all is almighty guard to my thy friends for they will be expecting thy coming oh my lord replied he I seek only to introduce thee to these fellows on earth, the sons of men of worth amongst whom there is neither procacity nor dissacity nor locustity for neither since I grew to years of discretion could I endure to consort with one who asketh questions concerning what concerneth them not nor have I ever frequented any save those who are like myself, men of few words in sooth, if thou were to company with them or even to see them once thou wouldst forsake all thy intimates I'll have fulfilled thy joints with them said I needs must I come amongst them some day or other but he said would it were this very day for I'd set my heart upon thy making one of us yet if thou must go to thy friends today I will take these good things wherewith thou hast honored and favored me to my guests and leave them to eat and drink and not wait for thee whilst I will return to thee and haste and accompany thee to thy little party for there is no ceremony between me and my servants to prevent me leaving them dear not I will soon be back with thee and wind with thee whithersoever thou witness there is no majesty and there is no might save in all of the glorious the great I shout it go thou to thy friends and make merry with them and do let me go to mine and be with them this day for they expect me but the barber cried I will not let thee go alone and I replied the truth is none can enter where I'm going save myself he rejoined I suspect that today there is no resignation with some woman else thou hast taken me with thee yet I am the right man to take one who could aid thee to the end thou but I fear me thou art running after strange women and thou wilt lose thy life for in this our city of Baghdad one cannot do anything in this line especially on a day like Friday our governor is an angry man and of a mighty sharp blade shame on thee thou wicked bad old man cried I be off what words are thee as thou givest me oh cold of wit cried he thou sayest to me what is not true and thou hideest thy mind from me but I know the whole business for certain and I seek only to help thee this day with my best endeavor I was fearful lest my people or my neighbors should hear the barber's talk so I kept silence for a long time whilst he finished shaving my head by which time the hour of prayer was come and the kataba or sermon was about to follow when he had done I said to him and I will await thy return then we will fare together in this way I hoped to pour oil and troubled waters and to trick the accursed loon so happily I might get rid of him but he said thou art causening me and thou wilt go alone to thy appointment and cast myself into jeopardy once there will be no escape for thee now by Allah and again by Allah do not go until I return that I may accompany thee and watch the issue of thine affair so be it I replied do not be long absent then he took all the meat and drink I had given him and the rest of it and went out of my house but the accursed Carl gave it in charge of a porter to carry to his home but hid himself in one of the alleys as for me I rose on the instant for the muhezins had already called the salama of Friday the salute to the apostle and I dressed in haste and went out alone and hurrying to the street took my stand by the house wherein I had seen the young lady I found the old woman on guard at the house awaiting me and went up with her to the upper story the damsel's apartment hardly had I reached it when behold the master of the house returned from prayers and entering the grand saloon closed the door I looked down from the window and saw this barber Allah's curse upon him sitting over against the door and said how did this devil find me out this very moment as Allah had decreed it for rending my veil of secrecy so happened that a handmade of the house master committed some accidents for which he beat her she shrieked out and his slave ran in to intercede for her whereupon the qazi beat him to boat and he also roared out the damned barber fancied that it was I who was being beaten so he also fell to shodding and tore his garments and scattered dust on his head and kept on shrieking and crying help help so the people came round about him and he went on yelling my master is being murdered in the qazi's house then he went clamoring to my place with the folk after him and told my people and servants and slaves and before I knew what was doing up they came tearing their clothes and letting loose their hair and shouting alas our master and this barber leading the route with his clothes rent an insorious plight and he also shouting like a madman and saying alas for our murdered master and they all made an assault upon the house in which I was the qazi hearing the yells and the upward his door said to one of his servants see what is the matter and the man went forth and returned and said oh my master at the gate there are more than 10,000 souls with what men and women and all crying out alas for our murdered master and they keep pointing to our house when the qazi heard this the matter seemed serious and he waxed wroth so he rose and opening the door saw a great crowd of people where he was astounded and said oh folk what is there to do oh accursed oh dog oh hog my servants replied it is thou who has killed our master quote he oh good folk and what hath your master done to me that I should kill him and shaharazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say when it was the 31st night she said it hath reached me oh auspicious king that the qazi said to the servants what hath your master done to me that I should kill him this is my house and it is open to you all then quote the barber and it's to beat him and I heard him cry out and quote the qazi but what was he doing that I should beat him and what brought him into my house and whence came he and withered winty be not a wicked perverse old man cried the barber for I know the whole story and the long and short of it is that thy daughter is in love with him and he loves her and when thou knew as to that he entered the house thou betest thy servants beat him and they did so by all the national judge between us and thee but the caliph bring out our master that his folk may take him before they go in and save him perforce from thy house and thou be put to shame then sit the qazi and his tongue was bridled and his mouth was stooped by confusion before the people and they'll say it sooth do thou come in and fetch him out whereupon the barber pushed forward and entered the house when I saw this I looked about for a means of escape and flight but saw no hiding place except a great chest in the upper chamber where I was down upon myself and held my breath the barber was hardly in the room before I began to look about for me then turned him right and left and came straight to the place where I was and stepped up to the chest and lifting it on his head made off as fast as he could at this my reason for sook me for I knew that he would not let me be so I took courage and opening the chest through myself to the ground my leg was broken in the fall and the door being open I saw a great concourse of people looking in now I carried in my sleeve much gold and some silver which I had provided for an ill day like this and in the like of such occasion so I kept scattering amongst the folk to divert their attention from me and whilst they were busy scrambling for it I set off hopping as fast as I could through the by streets of Baghdad sifting and turning right and left but with or soever I went the stamped barber would go in after me crying out they would have bereft me and my master they would have slain him after it to me and my family and my friends pray is to be Allah who made me prevail against them and delivered my Lord from their hands then to me where will it go now thou wouldst persist in following thine own evil devices till thou broughtest thyself to this evil pass and had not Allah vouchsafed me to thee nair had thou escaped this straight into which thou hast fallen for they would have cast thee into a calamity when thou never couldst have won free thou art godly to account for thine ignorance as thou art so little of wit and inconsequential and addicted to hastiness said I to him doth not with thou hast brought upon me suffice thee but thou must run after me and talk me such talk in the bizarre streets and I will and I gave up the ghost for excess of rage against him then I took refuge in the shop of a weaver in the middle most of the market and sought protection of the owner who drove the barber away sitting in the back room I said to myself if I return home I shall never be able to get rid of this curse of a barber who will be with me night and day and I cannot endure the sight of him even for a breathing space so I sent out at once for witnesses and made a will dividing the greater part of my property among my people and appointed a guardian over them to whom I committed the charge of great and small directing him to sell my houses and domains then I set out on my travels that I might be free of this pimp and I came to settle in your town and I flipped some time when you invited me and I came hither the first thing I saw was this accursed panda seated in the place of honor how then can my heart be glad and my stay be pleasant and company with this fellow who brought all this upon me and who was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my exile from home in native land and the youth refused to sit down and went away when we heard as the story continued the tailor we were amazed beyond measure and amused and said to the barber is it true with this young man sayeth of thee by all have replied he I dealt thus by him of my courtesy and sound sense and generosity had it not been for me he had perished and none but I was the cause for his escape well it was for him that he suffered in his leg and not in his life had I been a man of many words a meddler and a busy body I had not acted thus kindly by him but now I will tell you a tale which befell me that you may be well assured I am a man sparing of speech in whom is no forwardness but a very different person from those six brothers of mine and this it is and so began the barber's tale of himself end of section 21 of the book of a thousand nights and a night recording by Melissa


Do a 16 by 20 while spinning. Alright, let's get it. Okay, that's too fast. Here we go. Don't hit my tree. Oh boy. Oh, this looks pretty dope though. It gets ya. It gets ya. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Ready? We're gonna stop spinning it now. Oh, it looks so cool. Alright, ready? There it is. That's what it looks like. Lincoln.