CHAPTER 10 THE YOUNG GEMPRESS I thought of so many things while I was riding in my chair. It was a glorious day. I felt sorry for Her Majesty, for she was very quiet that day. Generally she was happy, but made everyone laugh with her. I thought about the branches of Willow, too, but could not understand the meaning. I came out of the hall while Her Majesty was dining with the Emperor, and found the young Empress sitting in a small room on the left side of the courtyard, with several court-ladies. When they saw me, they made signs for me to go there. I found them all drinking tea, and the young Empress said to me, I am sure you must be tired and hungry. Come and sit near me, and have a cup of tea. I thanked her and sat down beside her, and we talked of what we saw on the road, and how we had enjoyed our long ride. She said, we have still an hour's ride before we reach the Forbidden City. She also talked about the ceremony we had performed that morning, and said that we must all pre-earnestly for rain. I could not wait any longer, so I asked her what those branches of Willow meant. She smiled, and told me that Willow could drink water, as the Buddhist religion believes, and that it was an old custom of the court wearing Willow leaves when praying for rain. She also told me that we must perform the same ceremony every morning until the rain came. We heard her Majesty talking in the courtyard, and knew that she had finished her luncheon, so we went in with the young Empress, and ate what was left, as usual. I found the food very nice indeed, although it seemed rather funny without having meat. We came out into the courtyard, and saw that Her Majesty was walking up and down. She said to us, My legs are so stiff, riding in the chair. I must walk a little before we leave here. Are you all tired? We told her that we were not tired, so she ordered us to walk with her. It looked very funny to see us walking round and round, Her Majesty in front, and we following her. Her Majesty turned and smiled at us, and said, We are just like horses taking their rounds at a stable. It reminded me of a circus. Li Lianying came and knelt down, and said that it was time for Her Majesty to depart, in order to reach the forbidden city at the lucky hour she had selected, so we left Wan Shousi. All the chairs went very fast, and after an hour's ride we came near the palace gate. We followed the Emperor's chair, taking a shorter route, and noticed the gate was wide open. His Majesty, the Emperor, and the young Empress chairs went in, but we had to alight and walk in. There were small chairs waiting for us. As I explained before, these little chairs were carried by eunuchs, with a rope across their shoulders. We came to the courtyard of the audience hall, where the Emperor and the Empress were waiting for us. As usual, His Majesty knelt in front. Behind him was the young Empress, and we knelt in a row behind her, waiting to welcome Her Majesty to her palace. She went to her room where the eunuchs had placed everything in order long before her arrival. We held the ceremony that afternoon and evening. After Her Majesty had retired, we came back to our rooms, and found that everything was in order. Our eunuchs had made up our beds already. It was very nice to have them, for we could not do our own work at all. I was so tired, and my limbs were stiff. I immediately went to sleep, and did not realize how long I had slept until I heard someone knocking at my window. I got up and pulled the blind away. I noticed that the sky looked dull and thought it was clouded. I felt happy, and thought it might rain, and so relieve Her Majesty. I got dressed in great haste, but to my disappointment I saw the sunshine on the opposite windows. The palace in the forbidden city was so old and built in such a queer way. The courtyards were small, and the verandas very broad. All the rooms were dark, no electric light. We had to use candle-light. One could not see the sky except by going into the courtyard and looking up. I found that I had risen before the sun was up, and I was not quite awake yet, and thought the sky was clouded. I went to Her Majesty's own palace and found the young Empress already there. She was always the first, and always looked so tidy. I often wondered how early she had to get up. She told me that I was not late, although Her Majesty was awake, but not up yet. I went into her bedroom and made my usual morning curtsy to her. The first thing she asked me was about the weather. I had to tell her the truth, that there was no sign of rain. Her Majesty got up, dressed, and had her breakfast as usual, and told us there would be no audience that morning. The Emperor went to the temple, sacrificing, and there was nothing important to attend to. We prayed for three days in succession, but no rain came. I found that Her Majesty was truly discouraged and ordered each of us to pray twenty times a day. We marked a spot with vermilion powder and a little water on big yellow sheets of paper each time we prayed. On the sixth day of the fourth month the sky was clouded. I ran to Her Majesty's bedroom that morning to tell her the news, but found that someone had taught her already. She smiled and said to me, You are not the first one to give me the good news. I know every one of you wanted to be the first to tell me. I feel very tired today, and wish to lie down a little longer. You can go, and I will send for you when I am ready to get up. When I went to search for the young Empress, I found all the court ladies there also. They all asked me if I had noticed the rain. We came out of the waiting room and found that the courtyard was wet, and after a while it rains very fast. Her Majesty got up and we prayed as usual. Fortunately the rain did not stop, but came pouring down all that day. Her Majesty played solitaire with the dominoes, and I stood at the back of her chair watching her. I saw that the young Empress and all the girls were standing on the veranda. Her Majesty saw them too, and said to me, Go, and tell them to wait in the waiting room. Can't they see that the veranda is wet? I went to them, but before I had the opportunity of telling them anything, the young Empress told me that the waiting room was wet, and that the water had gone in. As I said before, the building was very old, and there were no drains at all. Her Majesty's own palace was high. It had twelve steps, while our waiting room, which was on the left side of her palace, was built right on the ground, with no raised foundation at all. While I was talking on the veranda just for a few minutes, I got quite wet. Her Majesty knocked at her glass window, and told us to go in. Now I must explain that none of us, not even the young Empress, could enter Her Majesty's palace without her orders, except we had work to do there, or were on duty. Her Majesty was very happy that day. She laughed, and said that we looked as if we had just been pulled out of the lake. The young Empress had on a pale blue gown, and the red tassel on her bed-dress was dripping red water all over her gown. She smiled, and said to us, Look at those girls. Their gowns are all spoiled. While we were talking, Her Majesty gave us orders for us to change our clothes. After they had gone, I went back to Her Majesty.  Only your clothes do not show. I had on a cashmere dress, which was made very plain.   I think foreign clothes must be very uncomfortable. The waist is too small, and it seems to me out of proportion to the rest of the body. I am sure that you will look much prettier in our Manchu gown. I want you to change and put your Parisian clothes away as souvenirs. I only wanted to know how foreign ladies dressed, and now I have seen enough. The Dragon Boat Festival will be here next month, and I will make some pretty gowns for you. I thanked her by co-towing to the ground, and told her that I would be only too pleased to change into Manchu clothes. But having lived so many years abroad, and having always worn foreign clothes, I had not had any maid. We were planning to change into Manchu gowns before coming to the court, but we had received orders that Lao Tung wished to see us in foreign clothes. I was very glad when I received that order, as there were several reasons why I wanted to wear Manchu gowns. First, the court ladies at the beginning treated us as outsiders. Secondly, I knew that Her Majesty did not like them. And besides, we were very uncomfortable living at the palace in Beijing, and made up our minds that we must wear Manchu clothes, which were made for it. We had so much work to do, and having to stand most of the time, one absolutely needed loose garments. Her Majesty ordered one of the eunuchs to bring one of her dresses for me to try on, so I went back to my own room, and took off my wet clothes and changed. I tried on her gown, but it was too loose for me. The length was quite all right, and so were the sleeves. Her Majesty told one of the eunuch writers to write down my measurements in order to have a gown made for me, and said she was sure it would fit me. She did the same thing for my mother and sister, and ordered our gowns to be made at once. I knew she was pleased, as she told me what color would suit me the best. She said that I should always wear pink and pale blue, for they suited and were her favorite colors too. She also talked about our headdress, and ordered some made the same as worn by the other court ladies. She said to me, I know you can wear my shoes, for I tried yours on the first day you came. Don't you remember? I must select a lucky day for you to become Imangu once more. She said this with a smile, and no more foreign clothes after that. She took her special book for lucky days and hours, and studied it a little while. Then she said the eighteenth of that month was the best. Li Lianying, the head eunuch, knew how to please Her Majesty, and said he would give orders to have everything ready for us at that time. Her Majesty told us the way we must have our hair dressed, and what kind of flowers we should wear. In fact, she was very happy arranging to make us into Manchus. A short while after, she dismissed us for the day. It rained for three days without stopping. The last day the emperor came back, and all ceremonies ceased. Her Majesty never liked to stay in the Forbidden City, and I was not a bit surprised as I hated the place. We had to use candles to dress by in the morning, as the rooms were in absolute darkness, even in the middle of the afternoon. It rained so much that finally Her Majesty said she would return to the summer palace the next day, whether it was raining or not, and we were all very glad to go. We returned to the summer palace on the seventh. It was a dull day, but no rain. We packed everything in just the same way we had done when we came, and stopped at Wan Shou Si, and had our luncheon. That day we commenced to eat meat again. I noticed that Her Majesty enjoyed her meal very much. She asked me if I liked the food without meat, and I told her that everything was nicely done, and that I enjoyed the food very much, although without meat. She told me that she could not eat that kind of food and enjoy it, and that if it were not necessary to make sacrifice, she would have not abstained. The first garden party of the year was given by the Empress Dowager to the ladies of the diplomatic hall in the fourth moon. This year Her Majesty desired to deviate a little from previous custom, and issued orders that stalls should be arranged in the garden on a similar principle to a bazaar on which were to be displayed curios, embroidered work, flowers, etc., etc. These were to be given as presents to the guests. The guests were Mrs. Conner, wife of the American Minister, Mrs. Williams, wife of Chinese Secretary of the American Legation, Madam and Manozel de Carcer, wife and daughter of the Spanish Minister, Madam Uchida, wife of the Japanese Minister, and a few ladies of the Japanese Legation, Madam Almeida, wife of the Portuguese Chargée d'affaires, Madam Khan, wife of the Secretary of the French Legation, the wives of several French officers, Lady Susan Townley, wife of the First Secretary of the British Legation, two ladies from the German Legation, wives of German officers, and wives of a few customs officials. On this occasion, Her Majesty selected a most beautiful gown of peacock blue, embroidered all over with Phoenix. The embroidery was raised and each Phoenix had a string of pearls two inches long, sewed into its mouth. Whenever Her Majesty stirred, these strings of tiny pearls moved forwards and backwards, and it's made a very pretty effect. Of course, she wore her jade Phoenix on her hair, as usual, and shoes, and handkerchief embroidered with the same pattern. My mother wore a lavender silk gown, trimmed with silver braid. Her hat was of the same shade, with plumes to match. My sister and myself wore pale blue Chinese silk gowns with insertion and medallions of Irish crochet, and trimmed with tiny velvet bands. We wore blue hats with large pink roses. All the court ladies dressed in their most picturesque gowns, and it was a very pretty sight to see the procession walking to the audience hall. Her Majesty was in her happiest mood that morning, and said to us, I wonder how I would look in foreign clothes. My waist is very small, but wearing this kind of loose gown it would not show. I don't think I would need to squeeze myself so tight either, but I don't think there is anything in the world prettier than our Manchu gowns. First, the guests were received in audience by their Majesties. They were accompanied by the Dwaya, Baron Shikan, Minister for Austria, and an interpreter from each legation. On entering the audience hall, all the guests stood in line, and the Dwayan presented a shorter dress to their Majesties. This was translated to Prince Qing, who in turn communicated it to the Emperor. The Emperor made a suitable reply in Chinese, which was translated by the Dwayan's interpreter. Then the Dwayan mounted the steps of the days and shook hands with their Majesties, the rest of the guests being presented in turn. I was standing at the right hand of the Emperor's Davager, and as each guest came forward, called out their names, and delegation which they represented. Her Majesty had a few words with everyone, and when she saw a new face she would ask how long they had been in China, whether they liked it, etc., etc. All these conversations I interpreted for Her Majesty. As the guests finished paying their respects, they passed along and remained standing in the hall until everybody had been presented. The interpreters, who did not take part in this ceremony, but had remained standing in the hall until it was over, were then conducted by Prince Qing to another part of the palace, where refreshments were provided for them. After they had gone out, their Majesties descended from the days and mixed with the guests. The formal ceremony now being concluded, chairs were brought in, and everybody made themselves comfortable. Tea was brought in by the eunuchs, and after a few minutes' conversation, we all adjourned to the refreshment room, with the exception of the Empress Davager, the Emperor, the young Empress, and the secondary wife. In the absence of Her Majesty, the Imperial Princess, the Princess Davager's adopted daughter, officiated as Hostess, Mrs. Conder, sitting at her right, and Madame de Carcère, wife of the Spanish minister, on her left. The food was all Chinese, but knives and forks were provided for the use of the guests. During the luncheon, the Imperial Princess stood up and spoke a few words of welcome, which I translated into English and French. After the luncheon was over, we adjourned to the garden where their Majesties were awaiting us. A brass band was playing European airs. Her Majesty led the way around the gardens, passing the various stalls on the way, where the ladies would stop and admire the different articles, which were later presented to them as souvenirs of the occasion. On arriving at the tea house, which had been erected in the gardens, everybody rested and partook of tea. Their Majesties then wished everybody good-bye, and the guests were then conducted to their chairs and took their departure. As usual, we reported to Her Majesty everything that had taken place and how the guests had enjoyed themselves. She said, How is it that these foreign ladies have such large feet? Their shoes are like boats, and the funny way they walk I cannot say I admire. I haven't yet seen one foreigner with pretty hands.  Do you think they're beautiful? I replied that I had seen some American beauties when I was abroad.  I can't bear that blue color. They remind me of a cat. After a few more remarks, she ordered us to retire, saying that we must be tired. We were rather used up and glad of an opportunity to rest, so made our curtsies and retired. We had been at the palace more than two months, and I had had no opportunity to see my father at all, who was quite ill at that time. We did not know whether we could ask leave of absence from the court. I received letters from my father every day, telling me to have courage and to do my duty. My mother asked the young Empress if it would be correct to ask Her Majesty for permission to go home for a day or two. The young Empress told us that it would be quite all right to do that, but she thought it would be better if we could wait until after the eight, for there would be a feast on that day. The eighth day of the fourth moon every year is the ceremony of eating green peas. According to the Buddhist religion, there is a year after which divides or grates according to the life that is lived on earth, that is to say, those who live good lives go to heaven when they die, and those who are bad go to a bad place to suffer. On this occasion Her Majesty sent to the people she liked, each a plate containing eight peas, and we had to eat them. The young Empress told me that if I presented a plate of peas to Her Majesty, it would place her, which I did. This meant, may we meet in the year after, 吃元道. Her Majesty was very happy that day. We went to the west side of the lake and had our luncheon there. Her Majesty talked to us about the first day we came to the court, and then sent to my mother. I wonder if Yu Gong is any better. When will he be able to come to the court? I haven't seen him since he returned from France. My father had asked three months leave of absence from the court on account of his poor health. My mother answered and said that he was feeling better, but that his legs were still very weak, and he could not walk much.  I have been so busy lately and forgot to remind you. We thanked her and told her that we would like to go home and see how my father was, so she gave orders that we should leave the court the next day. Then she asked me how long I would like to stay at home, and of course I knew the custom and told her that I was waiting for her orders. Would two or three days be enough? We told her that it suited us beautifully. I was so surprised when she mentioned it to us and wondered if anyone had told her of our intentions, or if her Majesty was a mind reader. When she retired that afternoon, I went to see the young Empress, who was always very nice and kind, and asked me to sit near her. Her eunuch brought me a cup of tea. Her rooms were furnished exactly the same as her Majesty's, but everything looked extremely dainty and showed a very good taste. We talked about the life of the palace for a long time, and she told me that she was very fond of us, and so was her Majesty. I told her that her Majesty had mentioned to us about going home for two or three days, and that I was surprised to see how thoughtful she was. She said that someone had reminded her Majesty to let us go home, for we had been at the court for more than two months. I found out afterwards that it was the Hedinuk Lee, who had heard that we were anxious to go. The young Empress said to me, I want to teach you to be wise. That is, you are ordered to leave the court tomorrow, but Her Majesty did not mention any particular hour. You must not talk about it to anyone, and don't show that you are excited to go home. Don't dress as if you are going out tomorrow, but be natural, and do your work as if you don't care about going at all. Don't you remind her in case she forgets to tell you to go, and come back on the second day, which is the custom. It will show that you are anxious to see Her Majesty, so you come back one day earlier than the appointed time. I was so happy to get this information, and asked her if it would be all right to bring Her Majesty some presents when we returned to the court. She said that was just the proper thing to do. The next day we did the same work, and went to the audience hall with Her Majesty as usual. After the audience was over, Her Majesty ordered her luncheon to be served at the country tea house. This tea house was built in country style, and right on top of her puny mountain, with bamboo and straw, and all the furniture was made of bamboo also. They were beautifully made, and all the frames of the windows were carved into a line of characters—show, long life, and butterflies—with pink silk curtain hangings. At the rear of this exquisite little building was a bamboo shade, with railings all around, hung with red silk lanterns. The seats were built against the railings, so that one could sit on them comfortably. This was supposed to be used by the court ladies as their waiting room. We played dice with Her Majesty when luncheon was over. We played a very long time, and I won that game that day. Her Majesty laughed, and said to me, You have luck today. I think you're so happy to go home that your ferries have helped you to win the game. As I mentioned before, this game was called Eight Ferries Going Across the Sea. I think it is time for you to go now. While seeing this, she turned and asked one of the eunuchs what the time was, and he answered that it was half past two. We co-toed to Her Majesty, and stood waiting for more orders. Then she said, I am sorry to see you go, although I know you are coming back within two or three days. I know I shall miss you. To my mother, she said, tell Yuukeng to take care of his health and get well soon. I have ordered four eunuchs to accompany you, and I am sending some of my own rise for him. We had to co-to again in thanking Her Majesty for her kindness, and finally she said, You can go now. We withdrew, and found the young Empress on the veranda. We curtsied to her, and said goodbye to the court ladies, and came to our rooms to get ready to start. Our eunuchs were very good, and had everything packed up ready for us. We gave ten tales to each of our eunuchs, for that was the custom, and gave four tales to each chair-bearer of the palace. When we arrived at the palace gate, our own chairs were waiting for us. We said goodbye to our eunuchs. Strange to say, they seemed attached to us, and told us to come back soon. The four eunuchs, ordered by Her Majesty to see us home, were there, and as soon as we got into our chairs, I saw them riding on horseback beside us. It seemed to me, just like a dream, the two months I had spent at the court, and I must say I felt very sorry to leave Her Majesty, but at the same time I wanted very much to see my father. We got home after a two-hour ride, and found him looking much better, and one can imagine how happy he was to see us. The four eunuchs came into our parlor, and placed the yellow bag of rice on the table. My father thanked Her Majesty by co-towing to the ground. We gave these eunuchs each a little present, and they departed. I told my father about my life at the palace, and how very kind Her Majesty was to me. He asked me if I could influence Her Majesty to reform some day, and hoped he would live to see it. Somehow or other I had the idea that I could, and promised him that I would try my best. Her Majesty sent two eunuchs to see us the next morning, and also sent us food and fruits. They told us that Her Majesty missed us, and had told them to ask if we missed her. We told these eunuchs that we were returning to the court the next day. We stayed at home only two days, and a great many people came to see us, and kept us busy all the time. My father suggested that we should start from the house at about three a.m., so as to get to the summer palace before Her Majesty was up. We left our house at three a.m. in total darkness, just like we had two months before. For the change, I thought I was the happiest girl in the world. I was told by many people, especially by the young empress, that Her Majesty was extremely fond of me. I had also heard that she did not care for young people at all. Although I was happy, I noticed that some of the court ladies did not like me, and they made me uncomfortable on many occasions by not telling me just the way Her Majesty wanted the work to be done. They smiled at each other whenever Her Majesty was saying to my mother that she liked me, and that I was always careful in doing anything that pleased her. I knew I was going to see those people again. However, I made up my mind to fight my battles alone. I only wished to be useful to Her Majesty, and would not take any notice of them. It was a little after five o'clock when we reached the summer palace. Our own eunuchs were very happy to see us again, and told us that Her Majesty was not up yet, and that we had time to go to our rooms, where they had some breakfast prepared for us. We went to see the young empress first, and found she was ready to go to Her Majesty's palace. She was also very glad to see us, and told us that our mental costumes were all ready, and that she had seen them, and they were perfectly lovely. We were very hungry, and enjoyed our breakfast immensely. After that, we went to see Her Majesty. She was awake, so we went into her bedroom. We greeted her the same way that we did every morning, and coat out to her, and thanked her for all the things she had sent us while we were at home. She sat up on the bed, smiled, and said, Are you glad to come back? I know everyone who comes to me, and stays for a while, does not like to go away from here any more. I am glad to see you, to my mother. How is Yuukong? My mother told her that my father was much better. She asked us what we did for those two days, staying at home. She also wanted to know whether we still remembered which day she had chosen for us to change into our Manchu costume. We told her we knew the date, and were looking forward to it.  We coat out to her, and told her we were very much pleased with everything she had given us. Her majesty told the eunuchs to bring everything out for us to see. She said to us, You see, I give you one full official dress, one set of Chaozhu, amber beads, two embroidered gowns, four ordinary gowns for everyday wear, and two gowns for chichen wear, the anniversary of the death of an emperor or empress, one sky blue, the other mauve, with very little trimming. I also have a lot of underwear for you. I was excited and told her majesty that I would like to commence to dress up at once. She smiled and said, You must wait until the day comes, the lucky day I have selected for you. You must try to fix your hair first, which is the most difficult thing to do. Asked the young empress to teach you. Although she told me to wait, I knew she was pleased to see that I showed so much enthusiasm. She asked me the first day when we came to the court why my hair was so curly. I showed her that I curled it with paper. She teased me ever afterwards. She also said that I could not pull my hair straight in time to wear Manchu clothes, that everyone would laugh at me, and how ugly I would look. That night one court lady came over to me while I was sitting on the veranda, and said, I wonder if you will look nice in Manchu dress. I told her I only wanted to look natural.  I told her that as long as her majesty considered I was one of her own, I would be satisfied, and that she need not worry herself about me. I knew they were jealous of us, so I went in search of the young empress, and left this girl alone. We were talking with the young empress in the waiting room, and this girl came in and sat near me, smiling to herself most of the time. One of the servant girls was fixing some fresh flowers for her majesty. She looked at her and asked her why she was smiling. The young empress saw and asked her the same question. She would not answer, but kept on smiling all the time. At this moment a eunuch came and said that her majesty wanted me. I afterwards tried to find out what she had told the young empress, but could not. Several days passed very quickly. Her majesty was happy, and so was I. One day the young empress reminded us that we should make all preparations in order to be able to dress ourselves properly on the eighteenth, as the time was getting short, only two days left. That night, after her majesty had retired, I went to my own room and fixed my headdress on, and went to see the young empress. She said that I looked very nice, and that she was sure her majesty would like me better in Manchu costume. I told her that I used to wear Manchu dress when I was a little girl, before we went to Europe, and of course I knew how to put it on. I also told her that I could not understand why these girls looked upon me as a foreigner. She said that they only showed their ignorance, and that they were jealous of me, and that I should not pay any attention to them at all. CHAPTER 11 OUR COSTUMES The next day we got up earlier than usual, and dressed ourselves in our new gowns. I could not believe my own eyes, and asked several times whether that was myself or not. I found that I looked all right, although I hadn't been wearing this sort of costume for so long. They seemed to think that we would look awkward. Our own eunuchs were delighted to see us dressed that way. The young empress came in while passing our rooms on her way to the Empress Dowager's place, and waited for us to go with her. When we arrived at the waiting room, a lot of people came in and looked at us, and talked so much about us, that it made me feel rather shy. Everyone told us that we looked much better that way than in foreign clothes, except the Emperor Guang Xu. He said to me, I think your Parisian gowns are far prettier than this. I smiled and said nothing. He shook his head at me, and went into Her Majesty's bedroom. Lilian Ying came and saw us, and was very much excited, and told me to go and see Her Majesty at once. I told him that everyone was looking at us, as if we were curious. He said, You don't know how nice you look now, and I wish that you would not wear foreign clothes at all. Her Majesty laughed so loud when she saw us, that it made me uncomfortable. For I was afraid we looked unnatural to her. She said, I cannot believe you are the same girls. Just look at yourselves in this looking-glass. She pointed to a large mirror in her room. See how you have changed. I feel that you belong to me now. I must have some more gowns made for you. Then Lilian Ying said that the twenty-fourth would be the first day of the summer. On that day, everyone would begin to wear jade hairpins instead of gold, and we had none. Her Majesty said to Li, I am very glad you told me that. I must give them each a jade hairpin after having asked him to change into Manchu clothes. Li went away and came back with a box of hairpins of pure green jade. Her Majesty took a beautiful one and handed it to my mother, and told her that that pin had been worn by three Empresses. She took two very nice ones, and gave one to me, and one to my sister. She told us that these two were a pair, and that the other Empress Dowager, the East Empress Dowager, used to wear one, and that the other was worn by herself when she was young. I felt ashamed that Her Majesty had given us so many presents, and I had done nothing for her in any way. However, we thanked her most sincerely, and showed our appreciation. She said, I look upon you as my own people, and the gowns I have made for you are the very best. I have also decided to let you wear the full court dress, the same as one of the Princesses. You are my court lady, so you are equally ranked here. Li stood there behind her, and made a sign to us to co-tow to her. I cannot remember how many times I co-towed that day. The headdress was very heavy, and I was not quite used to it. I was afraid it might fall off. Her Majesty also said that she would make our rank known to the court on her 70th birthday. I will explain this. On every decade from the time of her birth, Her Majesty used to give special favors to anyone she liked, or to anyone who had done something for her, and had been useful to her. She could promote anyone at any time, but on these occasions it was something special. The young Empress congratulated us, and said that Her Majesty was looking for a young Prince to marry me. She was also very fond of teasing. I wrote to my father about all the favors that had been given to me. He wrote me he hoped that I deserved them all, and that I must do all I could to be useful and loyal to Her Majesty as long as she lived. I was very happy. Life was perfectly lovely at the palace. Her Majesty was always nice and kind. I noted the difference in the way she had treated us since, as she said, we had become man too once more. One day Her Majesty asked me while we were selling on the lake in the moonlight if I wanted to go to Europe any more. It was a superb night, and several boats were sailing behind us. In one boat several eunuchs were playing a kind of sweet music on the flute and an instrument very much like the mandolin, called yuerqin, small harp, like the shape of the moon, with Her Majesty singing very softly to herself. I told her I was satisfied to be with her and did not wish to go anywhere at all. She said that I must learn to sing poetry and that she would teach me every day. I told her that my father had made me study all kinds of poetry and I had composed some myself. She looked surprised and said, Why didn't you tell me that before? I love poems. You must read to me sometimes. I have many books here containing poems of different dynasties. I told her that my knowledge of Chinese literature was very limited, and I dared not let her see how little I knew. I had only studied eight years. Her Majesty told me that the young Empress and herself were the only ones who were familiar with Chinese literature at the court. She told me that she tried to teach the court ladies to read and write some time ago, but having found them so lazy, she gave them up. My father told me to be very careful not to show them what I could do until I was asked, so I kept it to myself. After they found this out some of the court ladies were very disagreeable to me, and this went on day after day. Except for the unpleasantness, the fourth moon passed very agreeably. The first day of the fifth moon was a busy day for us all. As from the first to the fifth of the fifth moon was the festival of five poisonous insects, which I will explain later, also called the Dragon Boat Festival. All the viceroys, governors, and high officials beside the imperial family, court ladies and eunuchs, all offer Her Majesty beautiful presents. I never saw such a lot of things as came into the palace during this festival. Each person who sent in presents must accompany them with a sheet of yellow paper, and at the right lower corner the sender's name must be written, and also the word Kui Jin, meaning to present their gifts kneeling, also to write what the presents were. The eunuchs took big yellow trays to bring them in. During these five days everyone was busy, especially the eunuchs. I could not count just how many people sent presents to Her Majesty. The presents were of every kind, such as things for the household, silks and jewelry of all kinds and description. A large part of the presents were foreign goods of the ordinary kinds. I also saw lovely carved thrones and embroideries. Her Majesty ordered them to be put away, and the foreign things to be kept in her palace, for those were new to her. The third day of the fifth moon was the day for just the people of the palace to make presents. It was a most beautiful sight to see. We were busy all night making preparations, and had to go and help the young empress. The next morning we placed our presents in the big courtyard in these big yellow trays. The young empress had her trays in the first row. The presents from the young empress to the empress' dowager were made by her own hands. There were ten pairs of shoes, silk embroidered handkerchiefs, little bags for betel nuts, and bags for tobacco, all exquisitely done. The secondary wife of the Emperor Guangxiu presented about the same to Her Majesty. The court lady's presents were all different, as we could ask permission to go out shopping before the feast. We could not go out together, for one or two of us must be there at all times, and it was very exciting to tell each other what we had bought. We ourselves did not ask permission to go out of the palace, for we had our presents ready long before. Everyone seemed to be talking about presents, whether Her Majesty would like them or not. My mother, my sister, and myself had written to Paris to get some lovely French brocades, one set of furniture, French empire style. We had learned Her Majesty's taste already during our short stay there, so, including those presents, we also gave her fans, perfumes, soaps, and some other French novelties. Her Majesty always looked over everything, and noticed some of the presents were of very poor quality, and wanted to know the center's name. The eunuchs and servant girls also made her good and useful presents. Her Majesty would select the articles she liked the best, and order the rest to be put away, and she might never see them again. I must say that Her Majesty liked and admired some foreign things very much. She especially loved the French fancy brocades, for she was making new gowns almost every day. She was also pleased with soaps and powder that would beautify the skin. She always thanked us in a very nice way, and said how very thoughtful we were in selecting beautiful articles for her. Her Majesty would also say something nice to the eunuchs and girls, and that's made everyone feel pleased. The fourth day of the fifth moon was the day that Her Majesty gave presents to us all, the different princes, high officials, servant girls, and eunuchs. Her memory was something extraordinary, for she could remember every one of the presents that had been given to her the day before, and the names of the givers also. That was a busy day for us. Her Majesty gave people presents according to the way they gave her. We had yellow sheets of paper, and wrote out the names of those to whom she wished to give. That day Her Majesty was very angry with one of the wives of every certain prince, because her presents were the poorest. Her Majesty told me to keep that tray in her room, and said she would go over them and see what they were. I knew she was not pleased, for she had a telltale face. She told us to measure the silks and ribbons in that tray, and leave it in the hall. The ribbons were all of different lengths, all too short to trim a gown, and the dress materials were not of good quality. Her Majesty said to me, Now you look for yourself. Are these good presents? I know very well all these things were given to them by other people, and they of course would select the best for themselves and give me what was left. They know they are obliged to send me something. I am surprised to see how careless they are. Probably, they thought, as I received so many presents I would not notice. They are mistaken, for I noticed the poorest the first. In fact, I can remember everything. I can see those who gave me things in order to please me, and those who gave because they were obliged to. I will return them the same way. She gave the court ladies each a beautiful embroidered gown, and a few hundred sails, the same to the young Empress and the secondary wife. The presents which she gave us were a little different, consisting of two embroidered gowns, several simple ones, jackets and sleeveless jackets, shoes and flowers for the Manchu headdress. She said that we had not so many gowns, and instead of giving us the money she had things made for us. Besides that, she gave me a pair of very pretty earrings, but none to my sister, for she noticed that I had a pair of ordinary gold earrings, while my sister had a pair set with pearls and jade. Her Majesty said to my mother, Yutai Tai, I can see you love one daughter better than the other. Rong Ling has such pretty earrings, and poor Duoling has none. Before my mother could answer her, she had turned to me while I was standing at the back of her chair. I will have a nice pair made for you. You are mine now. My mother told her that I did not like to wear heavy earrings. Her Majesty laughed and said, Never mind, she is mine now, and I will give her everything she needs. You have nothing to do with her. The earrings she gave me were very heavy. Her Majesty said that if I would wear them every day, I would get used to them, and so it proved that after some time I thought nothing of it. Now about this feast. It is also called the Dragon Boat Feast. The fifth of the fifth moon at noon was the most poisonous hour for the poisonous insects, and reptiles, such as frogs, lizards, snakes, hide themselves in the mud. For that hour, they are paralyzed. Some medical men search for them at that hour and place them in jars, and when they are dried, sometimes use them as medicine. Her Majesty told me this, so that day I went all over everywhere and dug into the ground but found nothing. The usual custom was that at noon Her Majesty took a small cup filled with spirits of wine and added a kind of yellow powder, something like sulfur. She took a small brush and dipped it into the cup, and made a few spots of this yellow paint under our nostrils and ears. This was to prevent any insects from crawling on us during the coming summer. The reason why it was also called the Dragon Boat Festival was because at the time of the Zhou Dynasty, the country was divided into several parts. Each place had a ruler. The Emperor Zhou had a prime minister named Qu Yuan who advised him to make alliance with the other six countries. But the Emperor refused, and Qu Yuan thought that the country would be taken by others in the near future. He could not influence the Emperor, so he made up his mind to commit suicide and jumped into the river, taking a large piece of stone with him. This happened on the fifth day of the fifth moon, so the year afterwards the Emperor got into a Dragon Boat to worship his soul and threw rice cakes, called Zhongzi, into the river. On that day the people have celebrated this feast ever since. At the palace, the theater played first this history, which was very interesting, and also played the insects trying to hide themselves before the most poisonous hour arrived. On that day we all wore tiger shoes, the front part of which was made of a tiger's head, with little tigers made of yellow silk to wear on the headdress. These tigers were only for the children to wear, and signified that they would be as strong as a tiger. But Her Majesty wanted us to wear them also. The wives of the Manchu officials came to the court, and when they saw us they laughed at us. We told them it was by Her Majesty's orders. A register recording the birthdays of all the court ladies was kept by the head eunuch, and a few days before my own birthday came around, the tenth day of the fifth moon, he informed me that the custom of the court was to make a present to Her Majesty, and said that the present should take the form of fruit, cakes, etc., so I ordered eight boxes of different kinds. Early in the morning I put on full court dress, and made myself look as nice as possible, and wanted to wish Her Majesty good morning. When she had finished dressing, the eunuchs brought in the presents, and kneeling, I presented them to Her Majesty, bowing to the ground nine times. She thanked me, and wished me a happy birthday. She then made me a present of a pair of sandalwood bracelets, beautifully carved, also a few rolls of brocade silk. She also informed me that she had ordered some macaroni in honor of my birthday. This macaroni is called Chang Shou Mian, the long-life macaroni. This was the custom. I again bowed and thanked her for her kindness and thoughtfulness. After bowing to the young emperors, and receiving in return two pairs of shoes and several embroidered neckties, I returned to my room, where I found presents from all the court ladies. Altogether I had a very happy birthday. I can never forget the fifteenth day of the fifth moon as long as I live, for that was a bad day for everyone. As usual we went to Her Majesty's bedroom quite early that morning. She could not get up and complained that her back ached so much. We wrapped her back in turns, and finally she got up, though a little late. She was not satisfied. The emperor came in and knelt down to wish her good morning, but she scarcely took any notice of him. I noticed that when the emperor saw that Her Majesty was not well, he said very little to her. The eunuch who dressed her hair every morning was ill, and had ordered another one to help her. Her Majesty told us to watch him very closely, to say that he did not pull her hair off. She could not bear to see even one or two hairs fall out. This eunuch was not used to trickery. For instance, in case the hair was falling off, he could not hide it like the other one did. This poor man did not know what to do with any that came out. He was frightened, and Her Majesty, seeing him through the mirror, asked him whether he had pulled her hair out. He said that he had. This made her furious, and she told him to replace it. I almost laughed, but the eunuch was very much frightened and started to cry. Her Majesty ordered him to leave the room, and said she would punish him later. We helped her to fix up her hair. I must say it was not an easy job, for she had very long hair, and it was difficult to come. She went to the morning audience as usual, and after that she told the head eunuch what had happened. This Lee was indeed a bad, incruel man, and said, why not beat him to death? Immediately she ordered Lee to take this man to his own quarters to receive punishment. Then Her Majesty said the food was bad, and ordered the cooks to be punished also. They told me that whenever Her Majesty was angry, everything went wrong, so I was not surprised that so many things happened that day. Her Majesty said that we all looked too vain with our hair too low down at the back of the head. This manchew headdress is placed right in the center of one's head, and the back part is called the swallow's tail, and must reach the bottom of one's collar. We had our hair done up the same way every day, and she had previously never said a word about it. She looked at us, and said, now I am going to the audience, and don't need you all here.   I was never more surprised in my life when I heard her speak so sharply to us. I don't know whether I was spoken to or not, but I thought it well to be wise, and I answered, I would. We were all ready to go, and Her Majesty stood there watching us. When we were about five or six feet away, we heard her scolding trun show. The girl who was neither a court lady nor a servant. Her Majesty said she was pretending she was all right, and Her Majesty ordered her to go also. When we were all walking towards our own place, some of them laughed at trun show, which made her angry. When Her Majesty was angry with anyone, she would say that we were all doing something on purpose to make her angry. I must say that every one of us was scared, and wondered who would have dared to do that. On the contrary, we tried our best to please her in every way. But that day she was furious all day, and I tried to stay away from her. I noticed some of the eunuchs went to her to ask questions concerning important matters, but she would not look at them, but kept on reading her book. To tell the truth, I felt miserable that day. At the beginning I thought all the eunuchs were faithful servants, but seeing them every day, I got to know them. It did not do them any harm to be punished once in a while. The young Empress told me to go in and wait on Her Majesty as usual. She said that probably, if I would suggest playing dice with her, she might forget her troubles. At first I did not want to go, for I was afraid that she might say something to me, but seeing that the poor young Empress spoke to me so nicely, I told her I would try. When I entered Her Majesty's sitting-room, I found her reading a book. She looked at me and said, Come over here. I would like to tell you something. You know, these people at the palace are no good, and I don't like them at all.  Don't talk to them.  I was not angry with you this morning. I know you are different. Don't let them influence you.  Her Majesty spoke very kindly to me, and her face changed also. Not at all the same face she had that morning. Of course, I promised her that I would be only too happy to do all I could to place her.  I changed my opinion and thought that perhaps, after all, she was right. But I had often heard from the officials that one cannot be good to a eunuch, as he would do all he could to injure you without any reason whatsoever. I noticed that they all seemed to be more careful in doing their work. I was taught that when once Her Majesty got angry, she would never finish. On the contrary, she talked to me very nicely, just as if there had been no troubles at all. She was not difficult to wait upon. Only one had to watch her moods. I thought how fascinating she was, and I had already forgotten that she had been angry. She seemed to have guessed what I was thinking, and said, I can make people hate me worse than poison, and can also make them love me. I have that power. I thought she was right there. End of Chapter 11. Read by J. C. Guan, Montreal, January 2009. Chapter 12 of Two Years in the Forbidden City. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by J. C. Guan. Two Years in the Forbidden City. By Princess De Ling. Chapter 12. The Empress and Mrs. Conger. On the 26th day of the 5th moon, during the morning audience, Prince Qing told Her Majesty that Mrs. Conger, the wife of the American minister to Beijing, had asked for a private audience, and would Her Majesty please mention a day? She told him not to give any answer until the next day, just to give her time to thank it over. I was sitting behind the large screen, listening, but the other court ladies made too much noise, so Her Majesty ordered them not to say a word during the audience. I was very glad myself, because I could listen to some of the interesting conversations between the Empress Dowager and her ministers. After the audience, Her Majesty ordered her lunch to be served on the top of the hill at Baiyundian, spreading cloud pavilion. She said that she preferred to walk, so we followed her very slowly. To get to this place, we had to mount 272 steps, besides 10 minutes climbing over rough stones. She did not seem to mind the climbing part at all. It was the funniest thing to see two little eunuchs on either side, to support her arms, trying to keep pace with her. I noticed that she was very much preoccupied, and did not speak to any of us. When we arrived at our destination, we were very tired and quite exhausted. Her Majesty, who was a good walker herself, laughed at us. She was always very much pleased when she excelled in games of skill or endurance. She said, You see, I am old and can walk much faster than you young people. You are all no use. What is the matter with you? Her Majesty was very fond of receiving compliments. I had been there long enough to know and had learned to say things which would please her. She also hated anyone to pay her compliments at the wrong moment. So one had to be very careful even in paying her compliments. This spreading cloud pavilion was a beautiful place. It had an open space in front of the building, just like one of the courtyards, with pink and white oleanders all over the place. There was a porcelain table and several porcelain stalls. Her Majesty sat on one of her own yellow satin stall and was drinking her tea in silence. It was very windy that day, although the sky was blue with warm sunshine. Her Majesty sat there just for a few minutes, and then said it was too windy and went into the building. I was more than glad to go in, too, and whispered to the young Empress that I thought the wind might blow off my hand-dress. The eunuchs brought the luncheon and placed everything upon the table. The young Empress made a sign for us to follow her, which we did. When we came to the back veranda, we sat down on the window seats. I will explain about these seats. All the windows were built low at the palace, and on the veranda there was something like a bench built along the window, about a foot wide. There were no chairs to be seen excepting Her Majesty's thrones. The young Empress asked me whether I had noticed that Her Majesty had something on her mind. I told her that perhaps she was thinking about the private audience which Prince Ting had mentioned that morning. She said that I had guessed right, and asked, Do you know anything about this audience? When will it take place? I said that Her Majesty had not yet given her answer. By this time, Her Majesty had finished eating, and was walking up and down the room, watching us eating. She came over to my mother and said, I am just wondering why Mrs. Conner asks for a private audience. Perhaps she has something to say to me. I would like to know just what it is so I can prepare an answer. My mother said that probably Mrs. Conner had someone visiting her who wished to be presented to Her Majesty. No, it can't be that, because they must give the list of names of those who wish to come to the palace. I don't mind the formal audiences, but I don't think that I should have private ones at all. I don't like to be questions, as you all know. The foreigners are of course very nice and polite, according to their own way, but they cannot compare with us, so far as etiquette is concerned. I may be conservative in saying that I admire our custom, and will not change it as long as I live. You see, our people are taught to be polite from their earliest childhood, and look back at the oldest teachings, and compare them with the new. People seem to like the latter the best. I mean that the new idea is to be Christians, to chop up their ancestral tablets and burn them. I know many families here who have broken up because of the missionaries, who are always influencing the young people to believe their religion. Now I will tell you why I feel uneasy about this audience is because we are too polite to refuse anyone who asks any favors in person. The foreigners don't seem to understand that. I'll tell you what I will do. Whenever they ask me anything, I'll simply tell them that I am not my own boss, but have to consult with my ministers. That, although I am the Empress Dowager of China, I must also obey the law. To tell the truth, I like Madame Yuchida, wife of the Japanese minister to Beijing, very much. She is always very nice, and doesn't ask any silly questions. Of course, the Japanese are very much like ourselves, not at all forward. Last year, before you came to the court, a missionary lady came with Mrs. Conjure, and suggested that I should establish a school for girls at the palace. I did not like to offend her, and said that I would take it into consideration. Now just imagine it for a moment. Wouldn't it be foolish to have a school at the palace, besides, where am I going to get so many girls to study? I have enough to do as it is. I don't want all the children of the Imperial family studying at my palace. Her Majesty laughed while she was telling us this, and everyone else laughed, too. She said, I am sure you will laugh. Mrs. Conjure is a very nice lady. America is always very friendly towards China, and I appreciate their nice behavior at the palace during the 26th year of Guangxu, 1900. But I cannot say that I love the missionaries, too. Li Lianying told me that these missionaries here give the Chinese a certain medicine, and that after that they wish to become Christians, and then they would pretend to tell the Chinese to thank it over very carefully, for they would never force anyone to believe their religion against their own will. Missionaries also take the poor Chinese children and gouge their eyes out and use them as a kind of medicine. I told her that—that was not true—that I had met a great many missionaries, and that they were very kind-hearted and willing to do anything to help the poor Chinese. I also told her what they had done for the poor orphans, given them a home, food, and clothing, that sometimes they went into the interior and found the blind children who might be useless to their parents, and when they get them they have to support them. I know several cases like that. These country people offer their deformed children to the missionaries, as they are too poor to feed and take care of them. I told her about their schools and how they helped the poor people. Her Majesty then laughed and said, Of course I believe what you say, but why don't these missionaries stay in their own country and be useful to their own people? I thought it would be of no use for me to talk too much, but at the same time I would like her to know of the dreadful times some of the missionaries had in China. Some time ago two of them were murdered at Wushui in June 1892, a little below Hankou, the church being burnt down by the mob. My father was appointed by the viceroy Zhang Zhidong to investigate the matter. After much trouble he caught three of the murderers, and according to Chinese law they were put to death by hanging in wooden cages, and the government paid an indemnity to the families of the murdered missionaries. The year after, 1893, a Catholic church was burnt down at Ma Chang on the Yangzi near Yichang. The mob said they saw many blind children at the church who were made to work after having their eyes gouged out. The prefect of Yichang Province said it was true that missionaries did get their Chinese children's eyes for making medicine, so my father suggested having those blind children brought into the Yaman and asked them. The prefect was a most wicked man, and was very anti-foreign also. He gave the poor children plenty of food, and taught them to say that the missionaries did goug their eyes out. But when they were brought in the next day, they said that the missionaries treated them very kindly, and gave them a nice home, good food and clothing. They said they were blind long before they became Catholics, and also said that the prefect had taught them to say that the missionaries were cruel to them, which was not true. The blind children begged to go back to the school, and said that they were very happy there. Her Majesty said, That may be all right for them to help the poor and relieve their suffering. For instance, like our great Buddha Zhulai, who fed the hungry broods with his own flesh. I would love them if they would leave my people alone. Let us believe our own religion. Do you know how the boxer rising began? Why, the Chinese Christians were to blame. The boxers were treated badly by them, and wanted revenge. Of course, that is always the trouble with the low class of people. They went too far, and at the same time, thought to make themselves rich by setting fire to every house in Beijing. It made no difference whose house. They wanted to burn so long as they could get money.  They rob the poor country people of their land and property, and the missionaries, of course, always protect them, in order to get a share themselves. Whenever a Chinese Christian is taken to the magistrate's yamen, he is not supposed to kneel down on the ground and obey the Chinese law, as others do, and is always very rude to his own government officials. Then these missionaries do the best they can to protect them, whether he is wrong or not, and believe everything he says, and make the magistrates set the prisoner free. Do you remember that your father established rules in the twenty-fourth year of Guangxu, how the Chinese officials should treat the bishops whenever they had dealings with each other? I know the common class of people become Christians, also those who are in trouble, but I don't believe that any of the high officials are Christians. Her Majesty looked around, and whispered, Kong Youwei, the reformer of 1898, tried to make the emperor believe that religion. No one shall believe as long as I live. I must say that I admire the foreigners in some way. For instance, their navies, and armies, and engineers, but as regards civilization, I should say that China is the first country by all means. I know that many people believe that the government had connections with the boxers, but that is not true. As soon as we found out the trouble, we issued several edicts, and ordered the soldiers to drive them out. But they had gone too far already. I made up my mind not to go out of the palace at all. I am an old woman, and did not care whenever I died or not. But Prince Tuong and Duke Lan suggested that we should go at once. They also suggested that we should go in disguise, which made me very angry, and I refused. After the return of the court to Beijing, I was told that many people believed that I did go in disguise, and said that I was dressed in one of my servants' clothes, and rode in a broken cart drawn by a mule, and that this old woman's servant of mine was dressed as the Empress Dowager, and rode in my sedan chair. I wonder who made that story up? Of course, everyone believed it, and such a story would get to the foreigners in Beijing without any trouble. Now to come back to the question of the box arising, how badly I was treated by my own servants. No one seemed anxious to go with me, and a great many ran away before the court had any idea of leaving the capital at all, and those who stayed would not work, but stood around and waited to see what was going to happen. I made up my mind to ask and see how many would be willing to go, so I said to everyone, if you servants are willing to go with me, you can do so, and those who are not willing can leave me. I was very much surprised to find that there were very few standing around the listening. Only seventeen eunuchs, two old women's servants, and one servant girl that was so true. Those people said they would go with me, no matter what happened. I had three thousand eunuchs, but they were nearly all gone before I had the chance of counting them. Some of the wicked ones were even rude to me, and threw my valuable vases on the stone floor, and smashed them. They knew that I could not punish them at that important moment, for we were leaving. I cried very much, and prayed for our great ancestors' souls to protect us. Everyone knelt with me and prayed. The young Empress was the only one of my family who went with me. A certain relative of mine, whom I was very fond of, and gave her everything she asked, refused to go with me.  After we had been gone about seven days, I sent one eunuch back to find out who was still in Beijing. She asked this eunuch whether there were any foreign soldiers chasing us, and whether I was killed. Soon after the Japanese soldiers took her palace, and drove her out, she thought she was going to die anyway, and as I was not yet assassinated, she might catch up with the court, and go with us. I could not understand how she travelled so fast. One evening we were staying at a little country house, when she came in with her husband, a nice man. She was telling me how much she had missed me, and how very anxious she had been all that time to know whether I was safe or not, and cried. I refused to listen to what she was saying, and hold her plainly that I did not believe a word. From that time she was finished for me. I had a very hard time, travelling in a sedan chair from early morning, before the sun rose, until dark, and in the evening had to stop at some country place. I am sure you would pity me, or as I am, that I should have had to suffer in that way. The emperor went all the way in a cart, drawn by a mule, also the empress. I went along, and was praying to our great ancestors for protection. But the emperor was very quiet, and never opened his mouth. One day something happened. It rained so much, and some of the chair carriers ran away. Some of the mules died suddenly. It was very hot, and the rain was pouring down on our heads. Five small eunuchs ran away also, because we were obliged to punish them the night before, on account of their bad behaviour to the magistrate, who did all he could to make me comfortable. But, of course, food was scarce. I heard these eunuchs quarrelling with the magistrate, who bowed to the ground, begging them to keep quiet, and promised them everything. I was, of course, very angry. Travelling under such circumstances, one ought to be satisfied that one was provided for. It took us more than a month before we reached Shi'an. I cannot tell you how fatigued I was, and was, of course, worrying very much, which made me quite ill for almost three months. So long as I live, I cannot forget it. We returned to Beijing nearly in the 28th year of Guangxu, and I had another dreadful feeling when I saw my own palace again. Oh, it was quite changed. A great many valuable ornaments broken, or stolen. All the valuable things at the sea palace had been taken away, and someone had broken the fingers on my white jade buddha, to whom I used to worship every day. Several foreigners sat on my throne and had their photos taken. When I was at the Shi'an, I was just like being sent into exile, although the viceroy's yamen was prepared for us. But the building was very old, damp, and unhealthy. The emperor became ill. It would take a long time to tell you everything. I thought I had enough trouble. But this was the worst. When I have time, I will tell you more about it. I want you to know the absolute truth. Now, let us come back to the question of Mrs. Conjure's private audience. There must be something special, but I hope that she will not ask for anything, for I hate to refuse her. Can you guess what it is? I told her majesty that there could not be anything special. Besides, Mrs. Conjure considered herself to be a person who knew Chinese etiquette very well, and I didn't believe she would ask for anything at all. Her majesty said, The only objection I have is that Mrs. Conjure always brings one of the missionaries as her interpreter, when I have your mother, your sister, and yourself, which I think would be sufficient. I don't think it is right for her to do that. Besides, I cannot understand their Chinese very well. I like to see the ladies of the diplomatic body sometimes, but not the missionaries. I will stop that when the opportunity comes. The next morning, Prince Qing told her majesty that the American admiral and Mrs. Evans and Soot wished to be presented to her. The American minister asked two private audiences. He said he had made a mistake by telling her that Mrs. Conjure had asked an audience for herself the day before. After the regular morning audience was over, her majesty laughed, and said, Didn't I tell you yesterday that there must be a reason for asking an audience? I rather would like to meet the American admiral and his wife. Turning to us, she said, Be sure to fix everything up pretty, change everything in my bedroom, so as not to show them our daily life. We all said, Yes, but we knew it was going to be a hard task to turn the palace upside down. It was just the night before the appointed audience. We started to work taking off the pink silk curtains from every window, and changing them for sky blue, the color she hated. Then we changed the cushions on the chairs to the same color. While we were watching the eunuchs doing the work, several of them came into the room, carrying a large tray full of clocks. By this time her majesty had come into the room, and ordered us to remove all her white and green jade buddhas, and take some of the jade ornaments away, for those things were sacred, and no foreigners should see them. So we replaced them with these clocks instead. We also took away the three embroidered door curtains, and changed them for ordinary blue satin ones. I must explain that these three curtains were sacred too. They were embroidered to represent five hundred buddhist deities, an old gold satin, and had been used by emperor T'hokwang. Her majesty believed that by hanging these curtains at her door, they would guard against evil spirits entering her room. The order was that one of us should remember to place them back again when the audience was over. We fixed every piece of furniture in her bedroom. Her toilet table was the most important thing. She would not let anyone see it, not even the wives of the officials who came in. So of course, we had to put it in a safe place and lock it up. We changed her bed from pink color into blue. All her furniture was made of sandalwood, also carvings on her bed. This sandalwood, before it was made into furniture, was placed in different temples to be sanctified, so of course no foreigner could see it. As we could not take this carving from her bed, we covered it up with embroidered hangings. While we were working, her majesty came in and told us not to hurry in her bedroom, because the audience the next day would only be for Admiral Rebley Evans and his staff, and they would not visit the private rooms. The audience for Mrs. Evans and the other ladies would be the day after. She said it was important to see that the audience hall was fixed up properly. She said, place the only carpet we have here in the hall. I don't like carpets anyway, but it cannot be helped. After we had finished, her majesty started to tell us what to wear for the ladies' audience. She said to me, you need not come to the throne tomorrow. There will be only gentlemen. I will get one of the ministers from Waewupu, Bureau of Foreign Affairs. I don't want you to talk to so many strange men. It is not the man true custom. These people are all strangers. They might go back to America and tell everybody what you look like. At the same time, her majesty gave orders for the imperial yellow gown to be brought in the next day for the gentleman's audience. She said that she must dress in her official robe for this occasion. This robe was made of yellow satin, embroidered with gold dragons. She wore a necklace composed of 108 pearls, which formed part of this official dress. She said, I don't like to wear this official robe. It is not pretty, but I am afraid I will have to. She said to all of us, you need not dress especially. The next morning, her majesty got up early and was busier than ever. It seemed to me that whenever we had an audience, we always had so much trouble. Something was sure to go wrong and make her majesty angry. She said, I want to look nice and be amiable, but these people always make me angry. I know the American admiral will go home and tell his people about me, and I don't want him to have a wrong impression. It took her almost two hours to dress her hair, and by that time it was too late for her usual morning audience, so she proposed holding that after the foreigners had gone away. She looked at herself in the looking-glass, with her imperial robe on, and told me that she did not like it, and asked me whether I thought the foreigners would know that it was an official robe.  It makes my face look the same color as my robe, she said. I suggested that it was only a private audience. If she wished to dress differently, it would not matter at all. She seemed delighted, and I was afraid lest I had not made a proper suggestion. But anyway, I was too busy to worry. Her majesty ordered that her different scounds should be brought in, and after looking them over, she selected one embroidered all over with the character Shou, long life, covered with precious stones and pearls, on pale green satin. She tried it on, and said that it was becoming to her, so she ordered me to go to the drill-room and get flowers to match her hair. On one side of the headdress was the character Shou, and on the other side was a bat. The bat in China is considered to be lucky. Of course, her shoes, handkerchiefs, and everything else were embroidered in the same way. After she was dressed, she smiled, and said, I look all right now. We had better go to the audience hall and wait for them, and at the same time we can play a game of dice. Then, to us all, she said, all of you will stay at the back of the screen during the audience. You can see all right, but I don't wish that you should be seen. The eunuchs had laid the map down on the table, and were just going to commence playing dice when one of the high-ranked eunuchs came into the hall and, kneeling down, said that the American admiral had arrived at the palace gate, together with the American minister. Ten or twelve people all together. Her Majesty smiled and said to me, I thought it was just going to be the American minister and the admiral, and one or two of his staff. Who can the rest of the people be? However, never mind, I will receive them anyway. We helped her to mount her throne upon the days, fixed her clothes, and handed her the paper containing the speech she was to give. Then we went back of the screen with the young empress. It was so very quiet, not a sound anywhere, that we could hear the boots of the visitors as they walked over the stones in the courtyard. We were peeping from behind the screen, and could see several of the princes mounting the steps, conducting these people to the hall. The admiral and the American minister came in and stood in the line. They bowed three times to the emperor's dowager. The emperor was also on his throne, sitting at her left hand. His throne was very small, just like an ordinary chair. Her Majesty's speech was simply to welcome the admiral to China. They then came up to the days and shook hands with their Majesties, ascending on one side and retiring down the other. Prince Qing took them into another palace building, where they had lunch, and the audience was over. It was very simple and formal. After the audience was over, her Majesty said that she could hear us laughing behind the screen, and that maybe the people would talk about it, and did not like it at all. I told her that it was not myself who laughed. She said, The next time when I have men in audience, you need not come into the audience hall at all. Of course it is different when I have my own people at the morning audiences. Her Majesty did not go to her bedroom that afternoon. She said she wanted to wait until these people had gone and hear what they had to say. After a couple of hours, Prince Qing came in and reported that they had lunched, and that they were very pleased to have seen Her Majesty, and had gone away. I must here explain that the admiral had entered by the left gate of the palace. The middle gate was only used for their Majesties, with one exception, Viz, in the case of anyone presenting credentials. Then they entered by the center gate. The admiral left by the same gate he had entered. Her Majesty asked Prince Qing whether he had showed them around the palace buildings or not. This was in the summer palace, and what they had thought about it. Did they say anything, and were they pleased or not? She said to Prince Qing, You can go now, and make the necessary preparations for the ladies' audience next day. That same evening Her Majesty said to us, You must all dress alike tomorrow, and wear your prettiest clothes. These foreign ladies who are coming to the palace may never see us again, and if we don't show them what we have now, we will not have another opportunity. She ordered us all, including the young Empress, to wear pale blue. Also, the secondary wife of the Emperor. She said to me, If the ladies ask who the secondary wife is, you can tell them. But if they don't ask, I don't want you to introduce her to them at all. I have to be very careful. These people at the palace here are not used to seeing so many people, and they might not have nice manners, and the foreigners will laugh at them. Then she said to us again, I always give presents when ladies come to the court, but don't know whether I will give this time or not, for at the last audience I did not give anything at all. Addressing me, she said, You can prepare some pieces of jade in case I need them, put them in a nice box, and have them all ready. Don't bring them to me until I ask for them. She said, We have talked enough now, and you can all go to rest. We could sit good night. I was only too glad to go to my own room. The next morning everything went on very nicely, and there was no trouble at all. Her majesty was well satisfied, for we had all taken great care in fixing ourselves up.  People might take you for a widow. You will have to paint your lips, as that is the custom.  So I went back to my room and painted myself just like the rest of them. But I could not help laughing at seeing myself so changed. By the time I got to her room again, she said, Now you look all right. If you think that powder is expensive, I will buy some for you. She said that with a laugh, for she always liked to tease me. By the time her majesty had finished her toilet, one of the ladies brought a number of gowns for her to select one from. She said that she would wear pale blue that day. She looked over twenty, or thirty gowns, but found nothing which suited her. So she gave orders for some more to be brought in. Finally, she chose a blue gown, embroidered with one hundred butterflies, and wore a purple sleeveless jacket, which was also embroidered with butterflies. At the bottom of this gown were pearl tassels. She wore her largest pearls, one of which was almost as large as an egg, and was her favorite jewel. She only wore this on special occasions. She wore two jade butterflies on each side of her headdress. Her bracelets and rings were also all designed in butterflies. In fact, everything matched. Among her beautiful jewels, she always wore some kind of fresh flowers. White jasmine was her favorite flower. The young empress and the court ladies were not allowed to wear fresh flowers at all unless given to them by her majesty as a special favor. We could wear pearls and jade, etc., but she said that the fresh flowers were for her. Her idea being that we were too young, and might spoil fresh flowers if we wore them. After she was dressed, we went into the audience hall. She ordered her cards to be brought in as she wanted to play solitaire. She talked all the time she was playing, and said that we must all be very nice and polite to the American ladies, and show them everywhere. She said, it doesn't matter now, but we have everything changed. She said, I want to laugh myself. What is the use of changing everything? They will imagine we are always like this. Buy and buy if they question you about anything. Just tell them that it is not so, ends that we change everything at each audience, just to give them a bit of surprise. You must tell it some way, otherwise no one will know it at all, and the trouble will not be worth the while. It was a private audience for ladies, and her majesty did not use the big throne, but was sitting on her little throne at the left side of the audience hall, where she received her own ministers every morning. The emperor was standing. A eunuch came in, the same as the day before, and announced that the ladies had arrived at the palace gate, nine in all. Her majesty sent some of the court ladies to meet them in the courtyard, and bring them to the audience hall, which they did. I was standing at the right side of her majesty's chair, and could see them mounting the steps. Her majesty whispered to me, and asked, which one is Mrs. Evans? As I had never seen the lady, I answered that I could not tell, but when they got nearer, I saw a lady walking with the American minister's wife, and concluded that she must be Mrs. Evans, and told her majesty. As they got nearer, her majesty said, again that's missionary lady with Mrs. Conjure. I think she must like to see me. She comes every time. I will tell her I am very glad to see her always, and if she understands what I mean. Mrs. Conjure shook hands with her majesty, and presented Mrs. Evans, and also the wives of the American officers. I was watching her majesty, and saw that she was very nice and amiable, with such a pleasant smile, so different from her everyday manner. She told them she was delighted to see them. Her majesty ordered the eunuchs to have chairs brought in for the ladies, and at the same time other eunuchs brought in tea. Her majesty asked Mrs. Evans whether she liked China, what she thought of Beijing, how long she had been there, how long she was going to stay, and where she was staying. I was so accustomed to her majesty's questions that I knew exactly what she would ask. Mrs. Conjure told her interpreter to tell her majesty that she had not seen her for such a long time, and inquired about her majesty's health. Her majesty said to me, you tell Mrs. Conjure that I am in good health, and that I am delighted to see her. It is a pity that I cannot hold an audience more frequently, otherwise I could see more of her. She continued, The Imperial Princess, her adopted daughter, daughter of Prince Gong, will accompany them to lunch. This ended the audience. Lunch was served at the back of her own palace building, Yang Yunxuan, the place where the clouds gathered to rest. This room was specially furnished as a banqueting room where refreshments could be served. All the court ladies went to the lunch, except her majesty, the young Empress, and the secondary wife. It had taken me two hours to fix the table for the luncheon. Her majesty ordered that a white foreign tablecloth should be used as it looked cleaner. The Yunx gardeners had decorated the table with fresh flowers, and her majesty gave instructions as to how the seats were to be placed. She said, Mrs. Evans is the guest of honor. Although Mrs. Conjure is the wife of the American minister, she is more of a resident, so Mrs. Evans must have the principal's seat. She also told me to arrange to seat everybody according to their respective ranks. The Imperial Princess and Princess Shun, her majesty's niece, sister of the young Empress, were hostesses, and were to sit opposite each other. We placed golden menu holders, and let all gold plates for almonds and watermelon seats. The rest all silverware, including chopsticks. Her majesty ordered that foreign knives and forks should be provided also. The food was served in Manchu style, and was composed of twenty-four curses, besides sweet meats, candies, and fruits. Her majesty instructed us that only the best champagne was to be served. She said, I know that foreign ladies love to drink. I think I was the only one who was really happy to meet these ladies, more so than the rest of the court ladies. The reason being that her majesty lectured them too severely, telling them how to behave, so that they had grown to hate the very mention of a foreign audience. While we were eating, a eunuch came in, and told me that her majesty was waiting at her private palace, and that I should bring these ladies there after the lunch was over. So when we had finished, we entered her own palace, and found her waiting there for us. She got up, and told me to ask Mrs. Evans whether she had had anything to eat, that the food was not very good. This is a custom with the Chinese when entertaining, always to underrate the food. She said that she would like to show Mrs. Evans her private apartments, so that she could form some idea of the way we lived. So she took Mrs. Evans to one of her bedrooms. She invited Mrs. Evans and Mrs. Conjure to sit down, and the eunuchs brought in tea, as usual. Her majesty asked Mrs. Evans to stay a little while in Beijing, and to visit the different temples. She said, our country, although very old, has not much fine buildings as they are in America. I suppose you will find everything very strange. I am rather too old now. Otherwise, I would like to travel around the world. I have read much about different countries. But of course, there is nothing like visiting the different places, and seeing them for yourself. However, one cannot tell. I may be able to go after all, by and by, but I am afraid to leave my own country. By the time I returned, I should not know the place any more. I am afraid. Here, everything seems to depend on me. Our emperor is quite young. She then turned and crossed us to take these ladies to visit the different buildings of the palace. Also, the famous temple of the King of Dragons. This is on a little island in the center of the Lake of the Summer Palace. Mrs. Condra said that she had something to ask Her Majesty, and taught the missionary lady to proceed. While Mrs. Condra was speaking to this lady, Her Majesty became rather impatient, as she wanted to know what they were talking about, so she asked me. It was very hard for me to listen to both of the ladies and to Her Majesty at the same time. The only words I heard were the portrait, so I guessed the rest. Before I had a chance to tell Her Majesty, this missionary lady said, Mrs. Condra has come with the special object of asking permission to have Her Majesty's portrait painted by an American lady artist, Miss Carl, as she is deserous of sending it to the St. Louis exhibition, in order that the American people may form some idea of what a beautiful lady the Empress Dowager of China is. Miss Carl is the sister of Mr. F. Carl, who was for so many years Commissioner of Customs in Zhefu. Her Majesty looked surprised, for she had been listening very carefully whilst this lady was talking. She did not like to say that she did not quite understand, so she turned to me, as had been previously arranged, assigned for me to interpret. I did not, however, do so immediately, so Mrs. Condra told her missionary friend to repeat the request, in case Her Majesty had not quite understood it. Her Majesty then said to me, I cannot quite understand what this lady says. I think perhaps you can tell me better. So I explained everything. But I knew that Her Majesty did not know what a portrait was like, as up to that time she had never even had a photograph taken of herself. I must here explain that in China a portrait is only painted after death, in memoriam of the deceased, in order that the following generations may worship the deceased. I noticed that Her Majesty was somewhat shocked when the request was made known to her.  She replied, Explain a little to me now. This was spoken in the court language, which the visitors were unable to understand, it being somewhat different from the ordinary Chinese language. This enabled Her Majesty to form some idea of the conversation, so she thanked Mrs. Condra for her kind thought and promised to give her answer later. She said to me, Tell Mrs. Condra that I cannot decide anything alone, as she is probably aware that I have to consult with my ministers before deciding anything of an important character. Tell her that I have to be very careful not to do anything which would give my people an opportunity to criticize my actions. I have to adhere to the rules and customs of my ancestors. I noticed that Her Majesty did not seem inclined to discuss the subject further at the moment. Just then the head eunuch came in and kneeling down informed Her Majesty that the boats for the ladies were ready to take them across the lake to see the temple. This action on the part of the eunuch was owing to his having received a signal from one of the court ladies, which implied that Her Majesty was getting tired of the conversation and wished to change the subject. I must explain that on every occasion, when a foreign audience was taking place, one of the court ladies was always told off to watch Her Majesty, and whenever she appeared to be displeased or tired of any particular subject under discussion, she, the court lady, would give the signal to the head eunuch, who would break in upon the conversation in the above manner, and thus save the situation from becoming embarrassing. So Her Majesty said goodbye to the ladies, as she thought it would be too late for them to have to return to say goodbye, besides which it would give them more time to see the various sights. The ladies then proceeded to the island in the Empress Dowager's pleasure boat, known as the Imperial Barge, previously described, and visited the temple. This temple is built on top of a small rock in the center of which is a natural cave, and it wasn't generally supposed that no human being had ever been inside of this cave. The Empress Dowager believed the popular superstition that this hole was the home of the King of Dragons, from which the temple derives its name. End of Chapter 12, read by J. C. Guan, Montreal, January 2009


Why narcissists feel threatened by your success? Narcissists feel threatened by anything you do That is normal Anything that should be usual typical or expected Because that is what helps you to identify That you're dealing with a narcissist it brings out certain reactions in them Maybe you're a high-functioning person You're always focused on your work You don't like to complain about anything You don't like to gossip Because you're more focused on your own life The more normal you are It creates a sense of peace and harmony Because that's what normal people like That's what normal people desire and the narcissist will mirror you They will act like they want peace They don't want drama But if that was really true Then it should be a smooth transition This shouldn't be so many rises and falls But the problem is Your normality makes the narcissist feel uncomfortable You being a functioning person Begins to reveal what they really are Because although they may have said they don't like drama or arguments Beneath the surface they begin to feel deep anxiety and fear Because being normal reflects upon and exposes everything that is abnormal So when you're focusing on your work And you're becoming successful They know that you're going to eventually see That everything they're claiming to be is just a facade It's not real Because your normality and success gives you the advantage But many victims doubt themselves They believe in whatever the narcissist is projecting onto them They identify with it and when you do that you're taking yourself out of normality and out of reality And then you lose that peace and harmony you had before you engage with the narcissist It's like you're jumping into a ditch where they're used to meeting and gathering and Being in a position of authority They're used to arguing they used to conflict It's all they've ever known Things might start off okay in the beginning, but eventually it begins to fail Due to their own insecurities from their failures and past situations Because that's what causes them to turn against you That's what causes them to feel threatened by you Because they've already been through so many negative and unhealthy situations So by the time they meet a normal person They just see it as a joke They think it can't be real They assume that you must have a hidden agenda So then they start testing you they create an argument out of nothing Just to see how you will react Because they believe that you must be hiding something They think there's no way that you can be like that all the time So then they end up on this mission Where they're trying to expose you but when they do that They just end up obstructing whatever you're trying to accomplish Because they're reacting off of their own past failures and insecurities Where something went wrong for them So then they end up trying to test you Because they assume you're no different from other people they've known But the very test that they're performing on you should reveal to you everything you need to know about them It should reveal to you that they are not good for you Because a normal functioning person would respect your normality and success They would recognize that it's supposed to be peaceful and harmonious That's how life is meant to be We are meant to get along with each other Without the drama and chaos But for the narcissist The more peaceful it is The more uncomfortable they become Which is why when you start to see the narcissist blowing up You're witnessing the effects of all of the work they fail to do on themselves You're seeing all their faults and imperfections all of their deficiencies Which they fail to attend to and it's like a disease It's very contagious It spreads to other people in the environment They pass that state of being harmful and unpleasant under the next person Because they're trying to convince you That you're not a functioning person You're not normal They end up on this mission Where they're trying to prove to you That you're no different than everyone else That seems to be their only purpose Once you see through them Which is when they begin to tear you down They manage and lower your expectations They make you accept less than what you deserve Because they already know they're gonna good for you anyway But they don't want to accept that you are a normal functioning person. They can't accept that Because otherwise that would reveal who they really are From what they're pretending to be It would break down that exaggerated sense of self-importance And show them what they are from what they think they are Because who they really are Is being reflected back from you Which is why they begin to hate you They become very resentful to you for you being who you are because it makes them see who they're not When you're a functioning capable person and you've become successful It will bring out all the shame and insecurities in these types of people and then they will begin to act in a very strange way around you Because it exposes them It reveals who they really are The more they see how great you are It tears them apart Because it reveals that they're the problem It reveals that they're the one who is defective. They're the ones with the problems and Then they're forced to look at every other situation before you and Realize that they were the problem in those situations too But they're not going to accept that They're not going to entertain it Their ego won't let them accept it It's too painful Instead they will start nitpicking and folk finding They will find everything wrong with you.  You're not on your path of purpose anymore But they remember how you used to be and They will constantly resurface that to you as though now you're so different You're not the same as you once were Because then in their minds That tells them you weren't really about anything But the entire time You were around someone who lessened your effectiveness They did very harmful things to you When you thought you could trust them They betrayed you They tried to tear you apart Because they couldn't be who you are They will never be who you are It eats away at them. They're very envious and jealous And it makes them hate you It makes them want to destroy you Which is why they're always trying to get you to engage in foolish behavior They're always trying to get you to engage in the unawareness or lack of social norms They're trying to get you to engage in things That cause a fence, annoyance, trouble or injury They're trying to get you to take on their insecurities Because they know that will take you down to their level Where you will begin to doubt yourself And become more like them You will no longer be at your best Which is what they want They want to see you struggling They want to see you drinking alcohol again or doing drugs Because they're not investing anything into you They know they're not going to be around for long Which is why they're just trying to get whatever they can Because they know at some point they're going to lose you And they don't want to see you moving on with your life And having something with someone else Something that they will never have again in their life Which is why they just want to take your mind and leave you to rot You must stay away from anyone who is negative Anyone who is constantly complaining Stay away from these types of people They're always involved in something They're never positive about anything Because they don't like normality They don't like it when everything functions in a normal way They don't like it when everything runs smoothly They don't like it when you're on top of your game There are different classes of people And some people aren't going to be so tolerable of your success Because a normal person is not going to challenge you They're not going to call you to participate in a competitive situation Because if they're normal They're going to be your partner Rather than your enemy They're not going to be constantly giving you negative comments Because if you want to succeed in something You need positivity You cannot build anything without positivity Which is why you must avoid negative people Especially people who are always suspicious People who always see the worst aspect of things And believe that the worst will happen You need to avoid people who have that defeatist mentality Because they're only going to bring you down with them Thank you for watching I hope this video resonate with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coaching inquiries You can email me at coach.anarchsurvivor.uk Thank you for watching And I'll talk to you soon