Okay, welcome everybody to the community chat for Tuesday, May 12th. Thank you for joining us. As a quick reminder, this webinar is being recorded. To ask a question while you're in the room with us, please hit the Q&A button in Zoom, raise your hand via Zoom, or if you're calling in from the phone, please press star nine, and we will recognize your question. So today we have our special guest, Guilford Mooring, Superintendent of the Public Works Department. Welcome to you both. Hi. Before we launch into questions and accept your questions, are there any updates from you, Paul, that you wanna share? Sure. So we'll be, you know, the governor has announced that there's, there'll be four phases to reopening the economy. We're waiting for the specifics on that for him to come out with those things. And as he comes out with those, we'll be interpreting those and how they fit into operations in our businesses and the municipal operations for the town of Amherst. Other things, yesterday and this afternoon, what we've been talking about, what our budget looks like for FY20 and FY21. And that's not really the subject of today. Although if there are questions, I can be happy to answer them. So last night we made a presentation to the budget coordinating group, which includes the town council, school committee and the board of library trustees and talked a little bit about the path forward in terms of where we are going. We will be more specific this afternoon during the finance committee meeting about what that really looks like and the kinds of changes that we have to make in order to accommodate our budget needs for FY21. And so that's pretty much it for my end. And I'll just say to folks who are listening that to follow along with any of the FY21 budget, you can find that information at amherstma.gov slash budget on our website and we'll be adding new information as it gets, as it becomes available there. Guilford, any general, any general announcement you wanna make or do you wanna just launch into the questions? We just launch into the questions. Okay, sounds good. So again, for the attendees here, please use Q&A to put your question to us live or raise your hand and we will acknowledge you and bring you into the group here. So some questions that we have already. This is a big one that I've heard, I've gotten a couple of questions on is the transfer station still open on its normal schedule? Does it still take the same things that it normally does or have there been changes? So the transfer station is open on its normal schedule. The things we take are listed on the website. If you go to the website it'll tell you we have had to restrict what we can take. We're only taking trash that's in the blue trash bags right now and then bottle and can recycling and paper recycling. We've been doing that to minimize the interactions at the transfer station among the public and the staff. And then we also have been trying to work out some issues we have with some of our, because we're a transfer station, we send things on to other disposal sites and some of those sites have closed. So we have to figure out what we're gonna do with those items as well. But we're open regular hours, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, eight to two. And we're only taking right now blue trash bags, paper recycling, which includes cardboard and then bottles and cans and containers recycling. And then we'll make some changes probably for the 18th or the week of the 18th, there'll probably be some changes and those will be posted online and they'll be announced in the news as well. And I know a lot of people, oh, sorry, Paul.  Do I think you're asking the same question? I was probably. A lot of people have been working in their yards and in their gardens with this time off. Are you guys still accepting yard waste at this time? We're not accepting yard waste at this time. We're not accepting yard waste this time. The way we set up the transfer station to operate, yard waste area is kind of blocked off and it's hard to get into the yard waste area. So as we readjust for next week, we will be able to start taking yard waste probably next week. And people should definitely not put it in the road or in the gutters or anything in between time. We've been hearing all sorts of stories about people are putting it and they shouldn't be putting it in any of those places, not in your neighbor's yard, not over the fence in the conservation land or watershed land. You shouldn't be throwing it in the brook behind your house. You should just hold on to it. It's not really that dangerous to you to hold on to yard waste. It's safer to hold on to it than to expose yourself to potential illness just because you wanna get rid of your yard waste. Great. But at some point in the future, we will open up the transfer station to accept that when we are able to achieve the social distancing goals, right? Yes. So what other ways has DPW had to change their operations in light of COVID? We kind of went to a split shift situation. Half the employees are here one day, half the employees are here the next day. That's just to be more socially distanced in the breakup than the potential passing a lot of some type of illness. It's also meant to hold, if one crew gets infected, there's another crew that can kind of fill in. So that's mainly what I've been doing is splitting up like that, trying to keep one person per vehicle, things like that. And have you got, it's been more like a seven day a week operation then? Or you've always been seven days actually? We've always been seven days a week. It's not every division has worked seven days a week. When we first started the COVID-19, we were actually working, everybody worked Monday through Sunday. Then we've rolled back to Monday through Sunday with the water and wastewater working Saturday. Wait a minute. We were Monday through Sunday and then we went to Monday through Saturday with water and wastewater doing Sundays as they are required to do by state law. And when we roll on the 18th, we'll go back to five days a week for everyone as a normal shift and just have coverage from parks, water and wastewater and the transfer station on the weekends. Who have another question here? Why can't we use the playgrounds? I think the biggest issue about playgrounds is social distancing. It's hard to have a whole bunch of kids running on a playground and socially distance themselves. As we talk about how to reopen, we're gonna find the biggest threat is the social distancing on the playground. The fact the playground is outside, it's in the sunlight, it's being kind of disinfected a little better than most things we come in contact with. So that's good. But we have to figure out and parents have to come to a, have to figure out how they want to have their kids play on it with other kids and still social distance themselves. So it's an interesting question because Gilford talks about, we talk about this on a regular basis and reevaluate decisions that we've made when we close playgrounds, but we do bring it back periodically and say, is the scientific evidence that we based our closure on still valid? And is this something we should be continuing? And as Gilford has pointed out, that in the summer, there's a lot more sunlight and so sunlight is a clear disinfectant for COVID-19. And so do we really need to wipe down playground equipment? Do we have the capacity to wipe down playground equipment? And is that even the issue? And I think the issue is more what Gilford just said is that it's social distancing that you are providing a place where you're attracting people to gather all together and that that might be the bigger concern for us at this moment in time. But it's something we look at on a regular basis. And this next question we've gotten a lot, especially in the last couple of weeks, will pools open this summer? Will pools open this summer? That's a good question. I don't think we've actually decided whether they will or not. So that's still being discussed and looked at. Yeah, so pools are really complicated because on one hand, when it's hot, you want access for people to be able to cool down who might not live in a place where there's air conditioning or anything like that. There's also a great place for people who exercise. It's a fantastic exercise. So for lap swims, and you look at it and you say, well, it's chlorinated water. What could be safer? Again, the issues that we face with this is social distancing and how do you limit the number of people? How do you provide proper social distancing for our staff so that they can work safely? And that's usually a big determination in terms of what we're able to offer. The good, the one thing about this is that we're not alone because every community is having that exact same conversation. And it's really, I've been advocating for regional answers to these questions so that they're not just town by town because what one town does influences the next town.  I think that's why we've been really advocating for there to be statewide guidance coming from the governor's office. And that's why I think he, I've been on many calls with their teams and from other groups advocating for better direction. Normally we don't ask, we'd like flexibility from the state but in this case, we're looking for more direction so that it's approached regionally. So we're all in this together basically and responding in the same way. So our next question isn't exactly COVID related but this person wants to know the status of the new traffic light in North Amherst. So the new polls are up and the pieces are coming in slowly. One of the things that's happened is that before COVID hit, there was a tornado down in Nashville that wiped out traffic lights. Some other things happened and then production got closed down. So the parts are coming in very slowly. I imagine before fall when the students come back, if they do come back in the fall, the light will definitely be up and working and may have been working for a month or two before they come back. And this is circled back to the whole pools question. One of our viewers has a comment regarding the pools. They ask that you please consider opening them for lap swimming, possibly by reservation with no lingering on the deck. So just putting that out there. Yeah. Okay. I wanna remind everybody to use the Q&A function or raise your hand. We'd love to hear from you. Our next question is, how can I report public works issues right now? You can report them the same way you've always reported them. You can email us. You can call and leave a message or you can do the C-click fix. That's the third one I was trying to remember. If you go on the town website and sign up for notifications, there's a little thing that you can actually post things that are wrong. We get all three of those still and they get processed and sent out pretty quickly. So no change there? No change. Great. Okay. So are you still paving and filling potholes at this time of year? We have when the weather's been cooperating with us. We just passed, recently they were patching university drive. I think that's all set except for the university side. We've been doing patching basically around town whenever it'll let us. We're getting ready to start line painting. So you'll see us patching some more of the roads where the center line needs patching so we can paint the lines. The contractor was in and has pretty much finished paving Southeast Street and Pelham Road and there's just some small work they have to do to clean that up. And yeah, we're still out here paving away. Yeah, Pelham Road in Southeast Street looks spectacular. It's like such a relief to have nice smooth roads. It's unbelievable how expensive that paving is. So how little the town puts a lot of money into paving and you'd say, wow, we got that one road done with all that money. So does it go very far? Yeah. So our next question has to do with the fact that the university is in the colleges physically closed and for the last few months now and has that had any impact on DPW operations or the town? From DPW operations, it's actually been just like the summer. So we just went to summer sooner not having the students around. Unfortunately, we're also, we're expecting to have this. So our water production is way below what it should be right now. We're about a million gallons less a day than we normally are at this time of year. Although graduation was last weekend so that means that production should start dropping. Normally it would drop this weekend to what it is now. So we've had about a month and a half of low consumption of water which is gonna show up somewhere to be a negative revenue for us at some point. I mean, it's good for our water sources because they're not being used but it means six weeks of reduced money coming in and a renewable resource basically, right? Yes, we have lots of water to sell if someone wants to buy you some bulk water. And so are we still, this is something that we were talking about earlier on, you know, the increased use of wipes due to COVID. Are you still seeing issues with people flushing those unflushable wipes? And do you wanna talk a little bit about that? So the sewer system is still seeing a lot of flushable wipes and a lot of grease. People are cooking more at home. They're bringing more takeout home. So they're bringing more of this food into their house and putting it down the drain and it's not, the grease is causing problems. And then the flushable wipes, they really are not flushable. They go down the toilet but they don't break apart like toilet paper does in the system. So we are having a great deal of problems still with these wipes hanging up on different things and getting stuck and causing dams in the system. We probably had about three or four sewer backups in the last couple of weeks, which they all have come back to an unusual amount of wipes in the system and grease. So we just need to be careful. Grease should never go down the drain, put it in the trash, and the flushable wipes should never be flushed. They go in the trash as well. So interesting. So grease normally, if you buy it at a restaurant, they have grease traps that catches the grease right before it goes down. But at home, we don't have grease traps. Correct. So put it in the trash is what we're saying. Put it in the trash. So we've had some spotty weather over the last couple of weeks, a lot of wind. What should people do when they notice a downed limb or a downed tree on public or private property? So you can call the DPW if you see a downed limb or a tree falls down.  It's your tree, unfortunately, and we're not gonna come. If it falls into the wires, any type of wire, tree falls into the wire and it's your tree or our tree, you can also call ever source and report it. That's who we're gonna call. Is ever source reported and have them come out, make sure it's everything safe to work there in the electricity and electrical wires, and then they'll take it down or we'll come take it down if it's our tree. But if you see it, just call it in. If it's a very small little branch that fell on the road, you can also just go pick it up and throw it to the side of the road and tell us to come pick it up later and just tell us it's not in the road, it's on the side of the road. Those are things that you can do as well. So we had a large branch come down on our house and but it was sort of a tree that was close to the public way. So I had to call the DPW and find out if it was a town tree or not. It turns out it was not a town tree. So unfortunately, we were responsible for it. But what people may not know is that there's an inventory of all the town trees on our website. So you can go to any piece of property and see every tree marked and whether it's a town tree or a private tree to pretty high degree of accuracy. And is that through our GIS mapping system? Yes, yes. Yeah, there's a lot of good information there. Amazing. So we have another question here and you touched a little bit on this earlier, Guilford, about how operations have changed. But this person wants to know what personal safety precautions are your workers taking when they're on their shifts? So every day when a shift comes in, the supervisors check to make sure that the employees are okay, they haven't had any illnesses or feeling bad or been in contact with anybody who have. The next thing they do is just about everyone cleans their vehicle or cleans the equipment they're getting ready to use for the day because you don't know who used it or got used overnight or emergency. Everything's cleaned and then they go out and they work. Like we said, we try to keep people one person per vehicle. Everyone has access to a mask. We have face shields in case you can't wear a mask and you're working in an area where you might get splashed with something whether it's another person or whether it's something that you're working on that splashes in your face. We also have, we've been using rain gear as personal protective equipment instead of gowns or our tie-back suits. We've been using rain gear because we can wash that off and disinfect it and then reuse it again. It's not really a hospital setting. And then we've also, we have a company that comes in and cleans some of those spaces every day. The high use spaces in the main building. So they get cleaned once a day as well. And then at the end of the day, everyone's encouraged to clean again, clean your equipment up, put it away and then it's ready for the next group to come use it again. So that's basically what we're doing and we will continue to do for a while. But social distancing is the big thing we do and try to stay apart from each other. There are times where we have to get close and those times we have mask or we have the face shields we can use to keep things from splattering on us. So that's a really good point because we get calls about seeing someone on the street with an employee without a mask on but the principle is social distancing. If you can maintain social distance, meaning at least six feet and this is from the director from our health director, then that's adequate.  But it really, if you see someone cutting grass and they don't have a mask on it's not because they're violating any rules. They don't need it if they're just out there cutting grass. Yeah, that's a good distinction to make because we have had some calls about that. So we do have another question that just came in from one of our attendees and they say given that there has been no sports on the school and town fields this spring has DPW made any improvements to those fields continuing maintenance at least? So the best thing for those fields has been no sports. The grass has been growing. We've done our normal things. We've aerated, we've fertilized. There's been some overseeing in some areas but now that no sports are there they can actually grow and regenerate themselves and recover from the last seasons which is really, really good. We have been mowing and keeping that up because we don't want to turn into a hay field. That would just be a loss of, that would just be too much of, that would just be a loss. But we are out there doing those things and probably the best thing unfortunately is there is no activity on them. They look great I have to say. All right, we are getting close to the end of our time. I'm just going to remind folks in the room if they want to pop their questions in to do so now or raise your hand and we'll pull you in while we see if anyone else has anything to ask. Are there any things you didn't get asked Guilford that you think might be important for the community to know right now? Just in the near future here we're going to be starting our waterline flushing program. We do that every spring. It's not something special because of COVID-19. Every year we flush the water lines it gets some of the stuff out of the lines that accumulates over the years and it's a water quality type program that helps keep water quality up. We will also like I said be line painting. Line painters will be out shortly. We had hoped, we usually have line painting halfway done by graduation but it's been such a wet, cold, wet and cold spring. We haven't been able to line paint but we will start that soon. And then you will also start seeing some work some of the sidewalks in town that we've decided to work on this year. They'll start that work here shortly. And then we're hoping to get our contractor for paving back in within at least a couple of weeks three or four weeks we'll have them back in and have them paving this year's list of streets for paving. Is that list of streets posted anywhere for people to see? Is it on? No. Okay. It will be as soon as we get the schedule and we've worked out the funding for it. There might be a few streets that are on that were bid that we don't do because funding isn't really available but the list will be posted as soon as we work off the funding and get them all set. Great. And with the, go ahead. I just wanna congratulate Gilford as a new graduate in his household from UMass. So that was a good big weekend last weekend. Yes. I'm excited. You're sure, you're excited? Yeah, no more payments UMass. What will you do now? I know. All right, so any, I don't see any new questions from our participants.  The only thing I'd like to add is there are things, the people who are paying attention and watching, thanks for everybody who's logged in today and who will watch it as since it's been being recorded, you can share it out with other folks as there are ways that we can make these better, think people you would like to hear. We're, Brianna and I are talking about new ways we can communicate with the people with public and what's really out there that people would like to know about and what's a good format for us to present it in. So open to any ideas for that. Absolutely and you can send those ideas to info at amherstma.gov or you can call if you wanna talk to a real person. Not that that's not a real person answering those emails, but if you wanna call someone on the phone, the town manager's office is always staffed up at<PHONE_NUMBER>. We will be with health director Julie Federman this Thursday at noon, same link, same phone number. So, oh wait, we did have a comment come in. Oh, this is really good timing for this question. So when is town halls front door going to be replaced? We have good news for you. So the workers arrived today, they unloaded the new front doors and they brought it into the building. They're in the process of putting it up today and it should take a few days I think for it to be totally in place. It looks spectacular. It's all the natural wood and it was natural wood to begin with. It was never painted. So I think that's, we're gonna be really proud of that. And it's gonna make, just gonna make the entrance to town hall look like it should have been. So it's great. We're all excited to lose the plywood. So thank you for your question. With that being said, that's basically all the time we have for today. Guilford, is there anything else? Just, I just wanted to remind people to, we come up to a worker who's working on the street. Remember he's going through the, he or she is going through the same things you are. Some of them are having family members they have to isolate from. Some of their family members might be sick. Some of their extended family members might have passed away or be in the hospital. So please remember you're talking to another human being and they're going through the same things you are. That's a good point. And they are our essential workers and they are public safety workers, just like any of the other folks that we have in town, fire or police. So we do appreciate them. All right, I am going to say that we're gonna wrap up now. Thank you all for joining us. This will be recorded and posted to our YouTube channel. So thank you and stay safe. Great, thank you.


Park Rapids hosting East Polk. First game of what they hope is a long playoff run. First inning here come the bats. Tara Johanning gets the party started with a base hit to right. That scores one. She gets to third on the air. Next batter, Riley Michelson gets her home. A hard hit ball to the fence. Makes it two to nothing. Michelson getting it done at the plate in this game. Also on the mound. The strikeout here to end the second inning. Park Rapids they would win 11-3. They will take on Roseau in the next round. If you enjoyed this segment of Lakeland news, please consider making a tax deductible contribution to Lakeland PBS.


I'm Steven Lee Kong. I'm a colorectal surgeon here at Hackensack University Medical Center. Currently I'm the division chief of the division of colorectal surgery. Colorectal surgeons see a wide variety of patients for different problems. Cancers of the colon, rectum, or anus. Patients with inflammatory bowel disease, so Crohn's disease, or ulcerative colitis. Patients with diverticulitis and diverticular related problems. We also see patients with anorectal complaints. I think spending time with the patients and really listening to what their goals are for their treatment is critically important. Helping them design a care plan that makes sense not just based on the disease but based on their desires and based on what their expectations are. I think a lot of what doctors and particularly surgeons do is education. For example, a patient comes to you with a with a cancer problem. Part of my job is to educate them as to exactly what that means for them, what that means for their longevity. Almost every problem has multiple different types of solutions you can offer and helping patients weigh one treatment option versus another in terms of what they expect and what would provide them with the best quality of life after surgical intervention. We all come to work every day, I think, looking forward to helping patients through difficult times.


Hi, I'm Chelsea Eamond. I'm a psychology major in the College of Arts and Sciences and next year I'm really excited to be joining Teach for America and teaching high school biology in Holly Springs, Mississippi. One of the really influencing factors that brought me to join Teach for America is my work in Dr. Burst's Risk and Miscellaneous Lab in the Psychology Department. We've been studying how adolescents transition to adulthood and the factors that help them succeed in college. And my work there has really been really exciting and fulfilling and I'm really excited to be teaching next year as well.


CUSAC6N6 is a novel copper-based single-atom catalyst that has the ability to perform both basic oxidation and gain reactions. This catalyst is able to overcome the limitations of other catalysts due to its unique topological structure and specialized donor acceptor linker. The catalyst's ability to switch between different reaction pathways allows it to have high stability and efficiency when performing either reaction. Additionally, the catalyst is able to be used in a variety of applications, from biosensors to chemical synthesis. This article was authored by Ching Hong, Hong Yang, Yang Feng Fang, and others.


Welcome back to Happiness Assistant Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes, practical tools to improve your mood and quality of life. This is the fourth module on dialectical behavior therapy and emotion regulation. In this module, we're going to continue to identify why emotion regulation is important and how it can help you. Emotion regulation is useful for anyone, even if you don't have emotion dysregulation like we talked about in module three. Emotion regulation can help you increase your present focused emotion awareness so you're aware of how you feel in the present moment so you can take action. Instead of waiting until you are just exhausted, you can start taking action when you're feeling tired. Instead of waiting until you're clinically depressed, you can start taking action when you're feeling blue. It increases your cognitive flexibility and encourages you to look at different options, not just what your heart wants, not just what your emotional mind wants, but also what your logical mind or your brain wants and synthesizes the two. It identifies and prevents patterns of emotion avoidance. So instead of when you feel a feeling, immediately you want to numb it, which generally doesn't address whatever caused the feeling in the first place. And it also prevents patterns of emotion driven behaviors where, again, you'd want to either numb out a feeling or lash out or react in a way that gives you power over that feeling or whatever caused you to feel that threat. It increases awareness and tolerance of emotion related physical sensations. So when you get angry or when you get scared, you have a physiological reaction. Your hands get sweaty, your heart starts to pound, you start increasing your breathing. That's okay. You don't have to act on that. Understanding what's going on and being able to say, okay, I'm angry or I'm scared right now without having to freak out about it or immediately act on your urges is part of emotion regulation. And emotion regulation uses emotion focused exposure procedures. So in emotion regulation, you're going to remember things that got you angry. You're going to remember times when you got angry and you're going to work through that anger instead of having to nurture it and dwell on it. You're going to say, okay, this happened, it made me angry. So in that situation, how could I have improved the next moment? Each time you do that, you're going to learn that there are things you can do so you don't have to continue to feel that way, which will give you a sense of personal power. There are some obstacles to changing your emotions though. If you were born with and the term brain abnormalities is kind of broad and kind of negative, but if you don't make enough of certain neurochemicals or if your brain is a little bit different than someone else's, it may make it more difficult to change your emotions, not impossible but more difficult. The same is true for trauma induced brain damage. There are certain things that happen when someone experiences either chronic stress or a trauma that can cause you to become more emotionally reactive and we call that emotional dysregulation. Again, it doesn't mean that you have to stay in a state where you're always going to be emotionally dysregulated, where you're always going to have to feel angry or unhappy, but it's important to understand that it may take you a little while longer and that your brain is going to have to find workarounds and you're going to have to learn new skills and tools in order for your brain to get the message that there's no threat. It's okay. Other things that can cause obstacles to changing emotions include chronic stress. If you are stressed out all the time, it's going to be hard to feel happy because you have all your emotion, all your energy devoted over here to stress so you don't have any energy left for happy. Chronic stress also is exhausting, which keeps you from sleeping well and it can contribute to anxiety and depression, all of those work directly against being happy.  You have to address addiction issues. If you are using stimulants, then you're essentially making your body run hot, be stimulated all the time, which is a sign of stress. When you are angry or anxious, you're running hot. When you get really excited, you're running hot, but you can only do that for so long before your brain starts to turn on special safety mechanisms so you don't overload. So addictive behaviors are important to address, A, because in and of themselves, they can cause unpleasant dysphoric emotions, but B, because addictions are there to numb pain, they're there to numb or help you avoid or escape unpleasant feelings. So we talked about that emotion avoidance on the last slide. If you don't address whatever it is that's causing that anger or anxiety, it's going to stay there and it's probably going to get worse. So it's going to be hard to change your emotions if you've still got this festering wound in your psyche. Sleep deprivation, your body needs time to sleep. Now quality and quantity are two different things. Even if you're getting 12 or 15 hours of sleep a day, you may wake up and not feel rested because you're not getting quality sleep. What's more important is making sure you're getting quality sleep. And nutritional problems. If you don't give your body the building blocks to make the brain chemicals that help you feel happy, that help you feel excited, then it can't, I mean, if it can't make the chemicals, if it can't have the tools that it needs, then it can't help you feel happy. So you need to make sure that you're getting adequate, reasonably healthy nutrition. And I always say don't go overboard with it, especially not at first, but try to eat colorfully. Try to get a few fruits and vegetables in there. Even if it's only fruits, it's better than nothing. One of the first activities you can do is I call it mitigation. Some days you just aren't going to be 100%. So think about what you can do to be kind to yourself so you have the resources to deal with the must do's.  You don't feel like doing it. So how can you be kind to yourself and what can you change in order to free up the energy so you can get, get done the things that absolutely have to get done. Finish the sentence. When I'm having an off day to be good to myself, I will fill in the blank. And sometimes that means going to work and leaving when you're supposed to leave and then not answering emails or anything afterwards. What does it mean to you when you're having a low energy day and you have those things that have to get done? How can you be good to yourself?  I'm not on my A game today, but think about it. If you don't, if you keep pushing through when you don't have the energy or the attitude to do it, it causes emotional distress. It causes you frustration and irritability. How does that impact everyone and everything around you? And if you have negative impacts on other people and other situations, how does that impact you? You know, generally if I'm having a bad day and I'm trying to push through and I get snappy with somebody, then I feel bad afterwards. That just makes me feel even worse than I did to begin with. So again, complete that sentence by being kind to myself, I'm preventing emotional distress, which what are the consequences of when you're emotionally distressed? Another activity that can help you reduce some of your stress is to make a list of everything you need or want to do and it can be today or this week. Then go through and cross off anything that doesn't have to be done this week. So if it can wait till next week, cross it off the list, you know, because you need to conserve your energy. So let's just focus on the must-dos. Whatever's left, highlight everything that must get done and identify people that can help. You know, maybe your kids can make dinner or vacuum the house or whatever it is that needs to be done and identify any shortcuts you can take to make it more doable. So instead of feeling like you've got to go home and cook dinner after you've worked for nine hours, maybe you can pick up takeout on the way home or stop by the grocery store and get one of those family meals, which is a little cheaper. What can you do in order to cut yourself a little bit of slack? How can you make it easier? And you know, when you're thinking about those things that have to get done, you know, I do laundry every Sunday. That's my laundry day. That's when it gets done. Because sometimes every once in a while, I've just had so much going on leading up to that. I don't have the energy to do it. So when I think about whether it must get done, what I'm talking about is are the kids going to run out of underwear? You know, that's a must get done.  Those are the must-dos. If my kids aren't going to run out of underwear, then it doesn't have to be done this week. I can wait until next weekend. I'm going to have a lot of laundry to do that next weekend. But it's all about prioritizing and realizing I only have a certain amount of energy. And I've got to figure out how I'm going to use it right now. Obstacles to changing emotions also include cognitive responses such as unhelpful thoughts and pessimism. So if you're constantly telling yourself you're not good enough or you can't do something, that's not going to help you feel better. If you want to feel better, you need to address thoughts that are going to make you feel out of control or rejected or isolated or like a failure. So we want to counter those thoughts with something positive. Pessimism is another cognitive response. If you're constantly seeing the negative in everything, how does that help you change your emotions? How does that help you feel better? My assumption is one of your overall goals is to be happy. So if you want to be happy, if you want to move towards that goal, what do you have to do when you start feeling pessimistic? And behavioral responses such as an inability to tolerate distress or delay acting on urges. And this is a hard one. Sometimes when you feel angry, you want to act right then. You want to make it stop. You want to get even. You want to, however it is that you respond, learning how to tolerate that distress. And there's a whole module on distress tolerance activities that are really helpful, but it's going to be important to not immediately act on urges because generally when we act on our urges, we make things worse. Or at the very least, we don't make them better, but we spend a whole lot of energy doing it. So think about how you're spending your energy. Is this a wise way? Does it make sense to use my energy to fight this battle or act this way? Is that going to help me reach my ultimate goal of happiness? Is whatever this problem is really worth my energy and effort? Sometimes things are going to happen that are irritating, but they're just not worth your effort. It's not worth it to get all that fired up set about. I was behind a driver this morning who was either drunk or really, really tired when I was going to the gym and I, he was driving a moving truck and I watched him drive off the road three times, not just into the shoulder, but actually into the grass off the shoulder and then come back on and we even couldn't maintain his lane to save his life. And my first thought was, well, I could call law enforcement and tell them that they need to come take a look at this. And then my next thought was, if I call, the likelihood of them finding this vehicle is slim to none. And then so it's a whole bunch of energy trying to get something handled that's probably going to go nowhere. So it's not worth me getting all fired up set about. I just need to get the heck out of the way. So what are your behavioral responses? And is that energy getting you closer to your goals? So another activity is to identify two positive things you can tell yourself for each of the following types of stressful situations. Remember in the last module we talked about basic threats being loss of control and the unknown, failure and rejection and safety threats. So when something happens where you feel a loss of control or you don't know what's going to happen, what two positive things can you tell yourself? Another example I'll give you, I don't like driving into somewhere I've never been before and I really don't like driving in the city. I'm a country girl and I prefer being places I know because it's known to me. I don't like the unknown. I don't like surprises and I don't like feeling like I don't have 100% control of a situation, a control freak like that. However, life is not that way. So when a situation happens where I'm not in 100% control or I have to face something that I don't know, I have to face an unknown situation. I have things that I can tell myself. I look back on other times I've handled similar situations and come out just fine.  This will happen. What can you tell yourself when you encounter a situation where you're not in control? Maybe you have to go interview for a job and with an employer, you know, you've never met before. So that's the unknown, a little bit out of control. You don't know what they're going to ask you. So it's a little anxiety provoking. What can you tell yourself ahead of time? So you don't feel anxious or as anxious. When something happens where you feel like you failed or you've been rejected, what can you tell yourself? And I'll give you a hint. A lot of them go back to self-esteem. If you're relying on others to tell you you're okay, then you're always going to feel anxious because you can't count on them to do that. So if you fail, you know, you can think of it as a learning opportunity or progress, not perfection. Or if you feel rejected, you can remind yourself about all your good qualities. Those are my suggestions. But what works for you is going to work for you. So when you feel a situation coming up where you feel threatened, you feel anxious or angry because you feel like you've either failed or been rejected, what can you tell yourself to improve the next moment so you don't dwell on that? And if there's a safety threat, what can you tell yourself? You know, if you feel like something is actually making the situation unsafe. When I'm at home at night, I hate it when it's dark outside and I see my own reflection and I know everybody can see in and I can't see out, stresses me out. So one of the things I remind myself that I'm in a safe situation. I've got four dogs in the house and one of them is an 80 pound bulldog. That helps me feel a little bit better. But I also take action and I close the windows. I'm like, well, if people can't see in, then they won't know I'm here by myself. So I close the lines. So there are things you can do and positive things that you can tell yourself. The final obstacles to changing emotions are environmental factors. People, places and things. And sometimes people are just, you know, challenging. And no matter how you try to approach it or how optimistic you try to be, they're in a state of mind. Their reality is one of pessimism. So it's going to be important to understand how to handle situations with people where they're being pessimistic or you feel like they are being rejecting of you. Because sometimes you're going to have to deal with those people. So how do you handle it?  They're not barriers. So how do you handle the obstacle of people who keep you from feeling happy? The same thing is true of places. Whether it's a chaotic work environment or, you know, maybe your home environment isn't all that pleasant right now. Whatever the case may be. Some places you go may be really, really stressful. And they serve as obstacles to you being happy. Now, sometimes you can just leave those places or know that you're going to leave them soon. But what else can you do in situations where you're in a place that keeps you from being happy? Maybe when people would come to the residential facility I used to work at. And we would have 84 people in there at any one time. And they had very little space in, you know, very little space. So it was a stressful environment. But one of the things they were all allowed to do was put up pictures and things to personalize their own space. So instead of being a institutional feeling overcrowded, whatever unpleasant word you want to use, they were able to kind of make a little island that was their own personal happy space. So what can you do in your space? The same thing is true at your house. I mean, even no matter how hard you try, if you share a house with other people, it's going to be hard to keep it comfortable and relaxing and happy all the time. But if you have your own little place that you can go, I have a reading corner that I keep just so. And that's where I go, where I can relax, where their stuff is not stacked three feet high on every flat surface. But it's a corner. I'm not expecting the whole house to stay perfect. So figure out ways that you can make your environments work for you. And things, and things kind of go with situations. But understanding that certain things are going to make life seem a little bit more challenging.  Things will happen that will cause you to feel anxious or angry. How are you going to deal with those things? And what resources can you call upon to help you deal with those things? Because you don't have to deal with them by yourself. So another activity for identifying and overcoming obstacles to changing emotions. Do one page for each of these things. So the first page, identify all of the people who cause stress in your life. And how can you deal with that? For each person, how can you deal with them? There's one person in my life that I deal with who has always got to say something negative. If she gives a positive compliment, it's always followed by some sort of but statement. At least you're not doing that anymore, or whatever. And it always undermines anything nice she tries to say. So how do I deal with that? Well, I expect it now. And I've come to understand or believe that it's more about her stuff than my stuff. Does it make it pleasant to go through? No. When she says things like that, does it smart for a second? Yes. But I've also realized not to devote tons of energy to worrying about it and feeling disappointed and rejected and frustrated and all those unpleasant emotions, I just accept that that's how it's going to be.  Not people that you can say, you know what? I'm just not going to hang out with you anymore. But people like family or coworkers or supervisors that you've got to see on a regular basis. The next thing to do is identify all of the people who buffer stress in your life. Who are the people who you really look forward to seeing? Who you look forward to chatting with? And these can be people you see face to face. They can even be people who are online. They are social networking friends. But people who add value to your life. And how can you nurture those relationships? So you're going to free up a bunch of energy if you quit spending a whole lot of time dwelling on and feeling bad about what the negative people in your life do. So take that energy and devote it to nurturing the positive relationships. And then I identify common stressful situations or things and places. And how can you make them less stressful? So I put situations and things together because they often go hand in hand. Driving by your dealer's house if you happen to be in recovery from a drug addiction. That's a thing, but also a situation. Getting a overdue notice about your electric bill in the mail. The bill is a thing, but it's also a situation. So identify common stressors in your life and figure out how you can make them less stressful. Emotion regulation helps people become more aware of their emotional states throughout the day. Obstacles to changing emotions to be happy include biological obstacles such as being under chronic stress or having differences in brain chemistry. Cognitive and behavioral skills and certain environmental factors that just may kind of precipitate negativity that need to be addressed. All obstacles can be traversed. First thing to do is prevent as many as possible. If there are situations you can avoid, by all means avoid them. But the ones that you have to focus and deal with, figure out to work with or around those in order to help you be as happy and relaxed as possible.


This paper proposes a novel deep learning base tool for automatically segmenting the anatomical structures of the left heart from echocardiogram images. The tool was trained and tested on a data set of 450 patients with echocardiograms from the University Hospital of St. Etienne. The tool achieved high accuracy in segmenting the left heart's atria, ventricles, and endocardial and epicardial layers with dice similarity coefficients ranging from 92.63% to 87.57%. This tool can provide valuable support for cardiologists in their daily practice, allowing them to quickly and accurately assess the health of the left heart. This article was authored by MHD Jaffa Morteda, Selene Tomesini, Haidar Anbar, and others.


Hey Bolo buddies. Thanks for watching. All right, let's get started here with some bread and butter volos These are items that I sold on eBay for $35 or less and one thing you're gonna see is I source cheap I'm gonna tell you where I got it what I paid for it and what it sold for and Shout out to Cha-ching King go check out his YouTube channel He is awesome and he has a lot of beginners tutorial style videos So if you're new to eBay and you want to learn definitely check him out. He has a really Just natural way of teaching. He's really really good. So The first item I sold is a Lane Bryant blouse. I have Sold four of these and I have six left. I picked these up at a discount store I want to say I had anywhere between a dollar and three dollars a piece in these. They're Different sizes so you click select size and I have these are the sizes I have left This is called a multi-quantity listing now I kind of have mixed feelings about the multi-quantity listing when it comes to having Variations multi-quantity is fine like if you have one item and half fifty. Yes, do it The variations, it's a little tricky number one. You can't go in and edit from your phone So if something sells on another platform, you have to go to your computer to make the edits. I don't like that Another thing is is I don't know that I feel like sometimes if the title if something's sold out like 2224 is sold out It's still in my title. It could cause disappointment You know if somebody comes to the listing and I don't know how it works really for the algorithm now What do you guys think do you guys like variation listings? I will tell you that I don't do them anymore But some people love them. I know a lot of people do them with game pieces I could see that working out really well if somebody's Got a game and they have parted it out and somebody wants multiple pieces and parts of one game That could be beneficial to have a multi variation listing on clothing In the future, I think I will just list the item and put how many I have of that item But for now, I'm not going back and changing everything I listed this a long long time ago, and that's the other thing when you Edit or self-similar you have to update all of your things So this has been listed since September 27th of 2017 if I want to go in and in this listing and create a new listing I'm gonna need to write down the quantities and make sure that it actually updated that when I hit self-similar I'm not sure if it will or not. I can't remember So anyway, I do have the buy one get one 25% off with coupon code Bolo coupon and you guys can create coupons for your stores also that look like this So when people come into your store, they're gonna see it and it may encourage a buyer to purchase multiple things So I do have a video that teaches you how to create different types of coupons. You can check that out It's a great way to encourage repeat customers and multiple purchases So check out that video. I'll try to remember to link it down below I sold this blouse for seven dollars and seventy four cents and the buyer paid shipping The next item is this cute little the petting zoo mermaid plush and I just sold one of these on what not the other night It was so cute. I had picked it up at the Goodwill bins I have been doing I lost a whole bunch of footage from the Goodwill bins video footage and I basically put all the items in a tote in my basement because I really get I go to the bins and then the videos I list the stuff to pop up screenshots of how I listed everything Well, I didn't have the video footage So I had no motivation to list those items and I needed to get more footage So those items all went into my money pile So what I have been doing is I have been Putting them in totes and selling them on what not and it has been so fun It's uncurated. So I'm just I haven't looked anything up because they've just been sitting in a tote for since may of 2022 And I pulled one of these out and it was so cute. She had a little turtle that she was holding Oh my goodness, but anyway, this just reminded me of that So if you want to see some of the Goodwill bins videos and maybe pick up something Um, I do have a link down below where you can join what not and get 15 dollars to shop That's my referral link. So check it out and I hope to see you at a future show This little petting zoom mermaid, which is not even as cool as the one I sold on what not I sold it for 12 dollars and the buyer paid shipping. She's so cute This is isadora sheer pantyhose and these are coffee Coffee color. I got these at the Goodwill bins and I bought a whole bunch of them They retailed for a dollar 29 at shoppers world wherever that is And I'm out of stock of this color and size I sold two of them to one buyer for 13 dollars and the buyer paid shipping. So my cost of goods for these was probably I don't know a dollar 99 a pound Maybe 50 cents maybe less. I'm not a hundred percent sure what it weighs But the buyer also came back and bought the other ones for six dollars and 50 cents And they paid shipping separately on that at a different time. So one person bought all three pair This one right here also came from the Goodwill bins. These are the paul patrol badges and they're just little toys Here's the back of them. They they go to a paul patrol set. So the replacements Sold these for nine dollars and 30 cents plus shipping. Those also came from the bins This guy right here is a vintage 1991 kenner robin hood sheriff of knottingham withsword I got this out of a dibble box toy box from donatella Bottolino her youtube channel and I sold this for six dollars in the buyer paid shipping If I remember correctly, this was a new old stock lot and all of the packaging was damaged and I knew that when I bought it That's why I got it for such a good deal And I took everything out of the packages and listed them as pre-owned So this was one of those items and I think I have like two items left those items sold really well This right here Vintage disney characters posters die cut lot teacher classroom educational. These are all covered with um What is that called when they put that plastic layer over them? I got these at a garage sale for free A whole bunch of them and I allotted them into small lots by category. I had like valentine's day christmas Uh, there might have been halloween. I can't remember I thought this one was going to sell a lot quicker because they're disney and they're really cool sold it for $30 and 99 cents plus shipping Uh, kind of a pain to ship because they're big but sold nonetheless The next item are these vintage hawsboro monopoly 1998 football themed replacement parts. So these go to monopoly I sold these for $15 and 50 cents and the buyer paid shipping and I don't Says I got them at the goodwill, but I don't remember what I paid for them and I did not write it down. So I apologize This is a vintage 1982 wizard decorative air freshener angel and this is what the bottom looks like if you guys ever see these Uh, not a big money bolo at all. I got it at a garage sale. I probably paid a quarter or 50 cents for it I just thought it was interesting And I sold this for six dollars and 20 cents and the buyer paid shipping So not a home run by any means but still made a profit This one came out of a Teeble box which was from t auctions for you. It was a big old toy box that I bought from her and it is a Mar which that might be marks Dollhouse blue ping pong table, but it was only marked Mar on the bottom. Oh, I wonder if that's an x those little lines is supposed to be an x. What do you guys think?  It's a size five. So it's pretty small And it does have some tarnish on it and it still sold for 10 plus shipping The next item are these quote blocks. They are a violet wonder art vintage retired 1975 And I sold this for a best offer of 24 plus shipping So I think what's happening here is When I open this up it shows my current sale price And not what I sold it for which is really weird. So I don't know why it's doing that, but it's doing it Uh, the buyer paid shipping on that they were all in for 33. Here is another one that sold Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I think I know what happened here They bought this one and they bought this one which I think Is that the same pattern? I think it's the same pattern And they bought both of them for 24 dollars and I still have one left here And did my sale end I may have to create a new sale. All right, the next item is this calico cat plastic figure And it sold for nine dollars and 75 cents and the buyer paid shipping And you guys I am starting to do more themed shows on whatnot I just did a fisher price little people and I sold all fisher price little people and it was such a fun show Thank you to everybody that came it was a complete success. I also did a doll clothing Show, uh, let's talk about the doll clothing show, uh, not not a complete success So one thing that I struggle with with doll clothing is The sizing and I didn't know if it went to a 16 inch or an 18 inch And I'm like if I bring it to whatnot, I can just hold the items up and my buyers are gonna know Oh my goodness. It was so frustrating Like all the cabbage patch kids all the fisher price my friend dolls stuff everything that was signed and you could like That was labeled and you knew what it was those items all sold But the items that didn't have like the sizing and weren't branded. Oh my goodness. I was like, I'm sorry you guys I don't know what this is So, um I think in the future I'm only going to pick up things that are branded that I know what they go to because it was just confusing I still did well and thank you to everybody that purchased. Um Still a good show but just Frustrating for me because I and that's why I get frustrated listing those things on ebay too Is because I don't know what size doll it fits aside from getting a doll and Putting the outfit on it. How do you guys know? Which doll the clothes fit let me know down in the comments any helpful tips for people that don't sell doll clothes on a regular basis So, um, yeah, I still have three bags for I got to figure out what I'm going to do with it I was thinking about maybe bundling it up and selling it in a lot and Putting it in my what not buy it now. I I don't know. I haven't decided So if anybody has any recommendations, let me know down in the comments. All right, let's get back to what sold here press blouse and I have one left I sold this for Eight dollars and the buyer paid shipping. So I my item is not on sale right now. I need to update my sale The next item sold so fast. I got this at the goodwill bins. They were replacement parts for pop the pig game and 16 hamburgers and one dice and like I said sold fast for 13 dollars plus shipping got it at the goodwill bins So probably about 50 cents the next item. I have had listed since 2020 but that was a relist. I have relisted this item Uh, you can see here. They are rbx athletic pants women's size small I got these I believe at gabriel brothers. You can tell how old the listing is because I was not using photo room I would I did not after Well before I had photo room my husband made me a thing that I laid it on and it was white So this is still on my carpet. So this is a really really old listing But they have this shiny Look to them. They're really cool and the backs. I don't think that I if I remember correctly the backs are just solid But I used to wear these until I decided that I like the ones with the pockets on the side And I don't wear these anymore. So this is a new with tags 88 dollars originally and I sold these for 12 99 plus shipping This is a roman millennium figurine guardian angel from 2001 fourth in series got this out of a thrift store mystery box Which I don't think the thrift store is doing anymore.  I feel it's just not the same. You know what I'm saying You know when people change things and it's not the same But anyway, I sold this for 20 dollars in the buyer item is this breast cancer awareness pin Um, so it's a breast cancer awareness pen and it's got the little feet on it and I have 25 of these available One person bought I think four or five of them for 12 dollars and 96 cents plus shipping This is a baby bop plush pink waffle bedtime pajamas 10 inch barney stuffed animal I got this at the Goodwill Benz and I sold it for 18 dollars and 20 cents plus shipping anytime you see the little thermal Look those up guys This is a pair of Catherine's Catherine's shoes black poise high pumps. I'm sorry high heel pumps Women's and this is another multi variation. So these are my sizes that I have available. These are wide I picked these up retail arbitrage off of the Catherine's website when they were on sale And I can't remember what I paid for him. I'd have to go back and look But not making a lot of money on these I sold these for 11 dollars and 37 cents and the buyer paid shipping So not my best buy ever Parfait by often toss often tasks. I'm not sure how to say it It's a brawl. I have sold 130 of these. Yes 130. I only have six left Again, another multi variation listing If I were to do it again, I probably would not do it this way. I would say, okay, I have a 32 G and I have six available and then it would just be its own listing I think that's how I would do it. I think this just causes confusion But I have sold 130. So I'm not complaining. But this was a big bulk purchase from a discount store The next item is this play school hero heroes transformers rescue bots copter crane and it is incomplete This is one of the bigger ones and I think it has like a truck that it sits on I can't remember but I sold this for 18 dollars in the buyer page shipping and I don't remember where I got that one And the last item is this broken brooch. Yes. I said broken. It's missing its tail It has other issues too. What was the other thing? It's missing. I think one of the pokey things that comes out of the top The little ball on the end of that. So it's just kind of it's kind of a mess But this is a brand that is really collectible. It's called jewelry 10. I've done really well with these Anytime I see them I pick them up. But I sold this broken for parts or repair More for parts like somebody who wants these parts up here. They could probably pull these out and use them I don't know how you would repair this. I mean, I guess you could put a new tail on it if you're really really talented, but Probably for parts sold it for 26 dollars in the buyer page shipping. So how is that for a broken item that sold unexpected? Yes. All right, you guys. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for watching. Be sure to like comment subscribe and share and Thanks for watching


Hi everybody and welcome back to our blog from the Kamasutra to 2020, where we talk about your questions, your concerns, even your worries around all things to do with sex and sexuality. So as always, we have with us today, Dr. Anvita Madan-Bihel. Anvita is a psychosexual therapist and she brings the clinical and psychological perspective to the advice that the Kamasutra has to give. Welcome Anvita. Thank you Seema and welcome everyone to our blog this week. So for our viewers at home, who may not really know what we're talking about when we mentioned the word sexual nostalgia.  So either if the relationship, that previous one is finished and you've moved on to another one or if you're single now or whatever. It's just that memories of the intimacy that you carry forward. And the thing is that these memories of your intimacy actually impact you hugely. I mean, they're very powerful memories because if your relationship was very good, then that's what you take forward. If it was traumatic, then that's what you take forward. And that will impact all your future relationships. And interestingly, as one of the people who'd written into us had said, this is the one thing that nobody ever deals with after a relationship is broken.  But we never ever discuss the idea of sexual nostalgia because Anvita, as we know, this is always the taboo subject, isn't it? And I think what happens is that what we underestimate is that there are other relationships that can compensate for losing a relationship. You can find a solution to loneliness or talking to someone or going out for a movie with someone or a party. But what you can't replace is a romantic sexual relationship. And we really underestimate the value of it because once again, sex, we are not supposed to need sex, have fun with sex, have pleasure with sex. So why would we miss sex, right? So that is something that is very easily overlooked. And like you said, it really does trouble people. It really does. And interestingly, we've also had a lot of people saying, we don't understand, why have you called the blog from the Kamasutra to 2020? And I keep explaining to people, well, it's all about how the same things carry forward. Relationships, desires, arousal, wants, et cetera. None of that has changed. It never will because we're all human beings. And interestingly, the Kamasutra says that memory is the most powerful aspect of any intimate relationship, of any kind of intimacy. As a matter of fact, Kamdev, the God of Love and Desire, another name for him is Smara, memory. Because memory of things that have gone on before this moment can either bring you huge joy or complete trauma. And most of the time it's associated with pain and trauma, strangely enough. So let's actually start with, I have a few questions over here from people. They're fairly similar, but with a little bit of a difference. Let's actually begin with this idea of the sexual nostalgia leading to a great deal of obsession and trauma. The first person who wrote in to me said that it's the one thing that's never been addressed after her last breakup.  And she's now not being able to get past it. So obviously it's scary when we hear the word obsessed and what that looks like. But what I would, and so I don't know how she's defining it. But I think we need to remember that good memories, like you said, about the good memories with calm and data and everything. Those are our pool of fantasies. We, when we want to feel aroused, we go to those memories, those days when we have an amazing sexual experience and we go back to them and we say, oh, this is definitely going to give me arousal because I have such an amazing night, day, sexual experience that day. So in some ways, if you are somebody who is connected to your sexuality and are secure about your sexuality, they don't feel bad that you're accessing those memories. It just means that those were pleasurable moments. They were beautiful moments that you went to. So in this case, sorry, carry on. No, ask what you were saying. I just wanted to say that it's not a bad thing if you're connecting to the fantasy.  Is there something that you can advise her with to be able to use these memories in a more positive way? Because I know that we've often said that even sort of pleasuring yourself to a past memory or to something is good. So is there something that you would recommend? So I think that she needs to separate the relationship from a sexual memory because in some ways, a sexual memory is kind of like a trigger. It is something that is a trigger that gives us arousal. It doesn't want be complicated sometimes with everything right or wrong that happened in the relationship. And then we feel guilty that that person was horrible but we're still feeling aroused by their memory and how can we be like this and is there something wrong with me or I'm no self-esteem? And all of those things complicate the matter.  If you stick to that, don't attach it to all the relationship issues that happened there. I think then you will feel better about it rather than feeling like guilty about it in many ways. And I guess it's okay to, I mean, I know that you said obsession is a scary word and maybe she doesn't know how to deal with it and maybe that's why she's using the word obsession. But basically you're saying that it's also okay to have that part of memories to dip into till you find another form of stabilizing that particular aspect of your life. So I think that all of us have memories or we rely on moments of feeling good or proud within our lifetime, right? And when we are going through a difficult time, we dip into those moments and say, oh, if I'm thinking the worst of myself, I have that spot. I remember like if I'm thinking, oh, I'm obsessing about this sexually or I'm bad sexually or something, I can dip into saying no, actually I had a great sexual relationship. There was everything fine with me. So sometimes we just dip into those points. It becomes our toolkit to access. We need a pot, a well of resources that we can dip into to help us cope with new crises or new difficulties. And that's where we need to go. So don't feel guilty that you have those. Those are yours. They're not connected to other people or other relationship. Those are your positive moments. You know, I actually refer to this as a life hack. I always say that you've got to have this part of memories that you can daydream from or even if it's not memories, even if it's things that haven't happened. But to me, that whole idea of using a part of memories to daydream with is just the best thing that you can do to yourself. Yeah, and you know, and it doesn't, nobody has control over them because they're yours. You know, they're your dreams or your memories and polluting them with what if, how and all, and actually that complicates the matter. Keep it simple. It's your memory, they're beautiful memories. You know, you remember people and relationships through beautiful memories. And sometimes it doesn't help to remember the negative ones. So just stick to that. Which brings me very cleverly to the next point.  What would you give in the way of advice for that? Yeah, so one of the things that I'm gonna start with, because I know we're gonna do a video around abuse and sexuality coming very soon, I am going to address this question based on that they were bad sexual experiences and something went a miss sexually and that they were not abusive. They're gonna do a separate video on that. So if you have a negative sexual experience, be very careful about that because what we have seen happens is that it has an impact on us. And then the second time that we're getting involved in the relationship, the fear of things going wrong, the fear that you're going to repeat that experience is so high that we start like obsessing about, oh, will I be able to do it? Will I won't I be able to do it? Will I have arousal? Will I get an erection? Would I be able to penetrate? Like all those things really trouble our mind. But what happens in that moment is what we call spectatory. We are looking upon the sexual experience rather than being present in it. We're not present. We're not connected. If you're not connected, sexual arousal chemistry will not happen. And in some ways you're giving birth to another bad sexual experience. And as you can see, we've started the vicious circle and what was just one of those crazy odd days that things didn't work out now becomes your firm belief that I'm bad at sex or I don't have arousal or I can't get an erection. So it becomes your firm belief. So be very careful, seek help, talk about it even if it's with friends. Don't let one experience define your sexuality in some ways. I think that's absolutely the best advice that I have heard in a very long time. We talk about this in everything else. We say mindfulness. That's the buzzword these days, isn't it? In the world of psychology, in the world of everyday life mindful breathing, mindful cooking, mindful everything but darned if anybody would ever use it for mindful sex. And yet it's so simple that we have had really, people have generally had bad experiences in sex at some point in their life or other. But for some people their entire relationship might have been a really bad sexual experience for a number of different reasons. It could be that the partner was not good that there was not enough arousal, there wasn't enough attraction, whatever the reason might be. When we go into the next relationship we bring all that baggage with us. And like you said, we're actually standing back and watching ourselves. And I think that for everybody out there listening I really want you to take this point on board because you know what, changing the way that you think we might say, people might come to you and say, you must learn to deal with it, must learn to put that out of your mind, you must learn to forget about this is a new day, this is a new life. It's not easy to change the mind, it's not easy to change the way that you think. And things that have, you know, ideas and conceptions that have sunk into your brain you can't shift them, it's not easy to shift them. So the only way to work around this is to actually deal with it, to understand how to actually, how to actually bypass this preconception rather than trying to shift it or move it out of your head altogether. And as Anvita says, just for that time being almost treated like a form of meditation, become present, say, okay, nevermind what things were in the past, they were all bad anyway but how about I actually just be part of what I'm doing almost like you're meditating. And if it helps, Anvita, do you think maybe they should try and do some meditation just before? So we highly recommend mindfulness actually. So you mentioned, so mindfulness has become a really important element within a psychosexual work because it is really like you said about being in the present, you know, this is a new relationship, it's a new connection, what didn't work in the past, this is a new partner, it's not true that it'll happen again here but the more you're in the present, the more you're connecting with your partner, things will flow automatically. You will feel aroused, there will be a flow, you will create a connection. That connection so many times gets broken because then we start worrying, the fears and anxiety take over and the connection gets broken. And the best way to keep fears and anxiety obey is like you said, to be in the sum food, mindful, present, meditative space with your partner. And actually a positive experience can go a long way in breaking the cycle. So if you can really practice being in the moment and you can start by saying, for the first for a minute I will be present, then for two minutes and the five minutes, the same way we do with meditation, we meditate for one, 10 and then we are able to meditate for an hour, right? So the same strategy goes here as well. I think that's just absolutely brilliant advice. I think that what we are saying between us is that one is we never ever talk about sexual nostalgia. It's a very real thing and you would be amazed at how much it impacts your mind and how much it drives forward your future relationships and almost every other aspect of your life is impacted by that.  Just actually start to become aware of how you think of it, what they mean to you and how they actually define your behavior in certain aspects of your life. So first thing, become aware. Secondly, if you feel that your relationship has broken up and you are obsessing over this one aspect of your life we totally understand you're missing it, you're thinking about it, you're thinking about all the good times that you had. But more importantly, there was just that closeness, that intimacy is not just about sex, it's also about the desire, the arousal, the good feeling it gives you and the fact that you had physical closeness with somebody. Don't look at it as an obsession, work through it, actually allow that to come into your mind, let it be part of your positive memories and gradually that will then come to a slightly more calming level. Don't try and push it out of your head, don't feel that there's something wrong with you when you feel like that. Take it on board, accept it, give it permission to happen and gradually it will find its own balance. And finally, if the smut at the memory, the nostalgia was a negative one, as Anvita says, be present, the only way of removing that fear because you can't remove the memory, removing the fear is to be present in the moment so that you're actually doing something rather than watching yourself do something which is being impacted with something that happened in the past. Have I left anything out on with that? No, I think you covered everything. Brilliant, so as always, like, comment, subscribe on the video. If you have any questions, we're here on info.seema.anand at gmail.com and if you need any direct clinical advice, please do get in touch with Anvita at anvita madanbehel.com and we will see you here next week with another question. See you next week.


And we'll go back to this part for the price of our watch on to Maviran, the 2023 Tamil film. If you haven't seen the first and second part, please go watch those. And what are you doing here? They're already on YouTube, obviously. Get over there. If you've seen this on YouTube though, and you haven't seen those, or if you forgot, we can only see a very limited amount of picture-in-picture.  That's true. If you'd like to see the full uncut version though, you can head over to Patreon. I'll put the link in the description with a pinned comment. And at the end of this, we will obviously talk about the movie at the end. So, let's just get back into this. Here we go. I'm going to ask a question. Will I die? No. Die brave or live cowardly. Both. Die cowardly and wait. Now his cowardice is making the people he loves acquiesce and give in. Now she's giving up. Rashid Khan. Yay. It's like every Tamil film there's always superstars somewhere. It is. Wow. That's a really astute thing to do cinematically right there. What's the symbolism there? Stay silent. No. The symbolism there is to... There's a transition happening. I'll talk about it afterwards. The chaplain reference, I have a suspicion of what that means. And it's very cinematically intelligent. Very. It's hard for me to stay in that other hotel. You still don't get it, right?  You won't be able to face any problems and ask questions for a day. How can I ask questions to them? You can't do it alone, right? They're all powerful people. How many people have come to this comic before you? But I thought you'd be the only one who would ask questions about people's problems. There's a anger that you need to change your mind and mind.  Your power is the power to tell it. All this is good to hear. But in the story he tells me, I'm the climax of death. Everything is climax in the story. But the climax... It's the death of the coward. I told you I didn't want this for so long. Now I'll tell you. I'll try to do what he tells me to do. He has stopped telling the story. How do I know what's going to happen next? Why? You're the one who told the story, right? Find out. There's no room for people to solve the problem. He said there's no building. This building is a big problem. Hey! After you do this, who will send your message? If there's a problem in the building, it'll be in that document. He's literally having a crisis of conscience. It's just brilliant. I don't know. He's just feeling it. Great shot. That's a great shot. The villain. Hey! Look who's there. Call the minister. It's the dark night. Nice shot there too. Beautiful. Remember what mom said? He won't even respond like a dog. But also that's a great day. They're like the most scared dogs on the planet. Gentle giants. I have one. Ooh, barbed wire. Oh wow. Arn and club form. That's what I've been waiting for. What? Do you want me to turn you around? What? Do you want me to keep you in your shoes? Who? Do you want me to keep you in your shoes? He says he'll open up the engineering department. They do an inspection. Where's that document? Didn't you tell me that file was stolen that day? The building is going to be demolished. Didn't you tell me that file was stolen that day? Sir, that's just a folder. There's nothing inside. Did you keep it for a long time without anything? They won't believe what I say. But they'll believe what you say, right? Did he really demolish the building as he said? Hey! He said he'll demolish the building. That's not the idea. Sir, if the building was demolished while the people were there, not only this election, no election can be won anymore. The government has to forget about it. Sir, please do that for your election. The entire building has to be demolished within four hours. Okay, sir. Hey! I'm saying no, right? Let's finish the job and take care of it. Sir, you don't understand. This is a serious matter. I'll take care of it. Hey! That building will be demolished immediately. I'm telling you, right? Sir! I've never done anything like this before. Hey! What are you looking at? Go and demolish this building. Who's the minister here? Idiot! How did you forget to come to this place? Now listen to what I say. It will be demolished immediately. That was unexpectedly violent. Things just got real. The other rock is going to hit the rope. So many turns, I thought I knew where it was going. And they took it to a place that was far better than I was thinking it could go. I agree. He was literally born again. Oh! Someone's laying it off. He's such a driver, bro. You're hearing voices too? I saw the file. It was in the government. I was the one who wrote all your stories. Right in his own story now. Yup. So that the greedy would all be killed by their own creations. There's got to be somebody in the building. He's got to save. Yeah. There's got to be somebody in the building. The baby? Is it the little one? The plaque? Yeah, it's the little one. Why are you up there? That's from DDLJ. Cinema part. Sathya, it's good. We can continue this. I can't say. What do you think? I think it was exactly what I needed. And it's every... All of the problems I had with Jawan. This fixes all of them. This is everything Jawan should have been. And it's just... How well has this done? I think it did very well. I don't know specifically, but I believe I definitely think it made a profit. I don't know how much, but I know it definitely got great word of mouth. For sure. This is just... I absolutely loved it. Yeah, it was... Absolutely loved. One of my favorites of the year. Yeah. Love. I wish we could have seen it in theater. Me too. I think it speaks volumes that all of the theaters and IMAX locations and everything for Jawan and this even get released here? I think it got released. I don't think it was close to us, though. But it was back in, I think, June. I think it was when it was released. Oh, whenever it was released. But... So I'm guessing they're going to set it up as a... Obviously a franchise? That's obviously what it would seem like. I thought it was... Not necessarily. I don't think necessarily. I bet we're gonna get a sequel. It wouldn't surprise me if they don't. But it's also interesting that he can't hear in the end, though. So all he hears now is the voice in his head.  He was writing his own story, per se, there at the end. I think he becomes... I think he and the voice become one. Yeah. And now he may actually be a superhero. Yeah. Now all he hears is that inside, that internal voice. There's no other... The symbolism and intelligence of the screenplay are off the freaking charts. This movie makes... Does what good screenwriting, directing, moviemaking should do. Assume the intelligence of the audience not...  I just... That alone... He can no longer be distracted by the voices around him telling him to be anything less than who he's supposed to be. It's brilliant. And it was very well done. It was engaging. I liked all the performances. The whole time. There wasn't a minute of this movie that dragged for me. Not a minute. I think it could have been about... I think they probably could have tightened it up a little bit in terms of like a 220 as opposed to a 240. But it didn't... It felt more like a two hour to me. Didn't bother me at all. But I thought he did very well. I was engaged with the story. I liked that it was such a different story. So original. His super power. Until the very end, I think. The last really original superhero movie that I've seen... You tell me if you feel the same way. It's now this one. But before this, it was Mino Minari. Mino Minari. Yeah. This is exactly what superhero movies need is intelligence and good acting and a storyline that keeps you guessing and is ahead of you the whole time, has symbolism that's extraordinarily intelligent that is not... This is how you, for example, among the many messages in here, this is how you properly talk about the human condition and corruption with a very specific storyline that can then point its finger in various directions of reality to say, here's what's wrong and this is the way it needs to be fixed. And the way it needs to be fixed is the kind of person that's a real superhero is the kind of person that listens to the conscience inside of them that knows what to do is right, but it requires courage to do it and it may require a lot of self-sacrifice, but you know you need to do it because it's the right thing to do. The messaging couldn't be more wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I had VJ Satapathis voice in my head. But yeah, how original it was, how basically, for the most part, it wasn't actually a superhero story. It was a stereotypical superhero story, which we don't need anymore. In terms of he has these power... I think he does now, actually. But that's what's so great. The power that he has now is just being true to himself. Listening to the voice inside of him that is the courageous and brave voice and blocking out all of the voices around him, that's the thing, is that all of us have a hero inside of us that's constantly being challenged by our circumstances, by the voices around us, the voices within us that are trying... There's this great saying, an old Native American story. I'll botch it up a little bit, but it says...  One is the brave animal and one is the coward. And the child said, well, what determines whether or not which one's going to rule you? And he said, with the one you feed. And the ending of him is... The message is the superpower that you need to be the best you can be, that you were designed to be, that fate destiny God made you to be, is right within you, if you would just have the courage to do what's right and listen to that voice inside of you. And then once you do it, you will never turn back because you will know that right is right and wrong is wrong, and there are certain voices that tell you not to speak truth, be truth.  It's easily one of my faves of the year. Without question. It's super entertaining. And it... What were you saying about the Charlie Chaplin thing? Oh, yeah. I would love to talk to the director because he wrote it as well. You don't have messaging in motion pictures. Motion pictures like a lot of things before in stage were vaudevillian and entertaining. And Chaplin was the first one to use cinema on a global scale and to be known globally for the use of cinema to send a message about corruption in politics, about the human condition, about the need to be kind. Chaplin was the first one. You... every film that ever had a message about what's right in the world, the human condition and about politics, the first person to do it on a global scale was Charlie Chaplin. And so that was a little homage, I think, a little tip of the cap of him sitting there with this crisis of conscience of, do I just stick to the status quo and do what the mass wants me to do and what the people in power want me to do for the sake of money or am I going to be true to myself as who I am inside, particularly don't miss the messaging of being true to who you are as an artist and what we can do to even change amongst people. It's the current dilemma of what's going on with the strikes and with the AMPTP and even with everybody jumping up and down about the box office of Jawan and being blind to its lack of artistic excellence. No, I'm not going to calm down. No, I'm saying this is not about Jawan. It is for me and I'm going to talk about it as long as I want to. So don't tell me to calm down. Thank you. I'm going to write at home about everything that's important and being brave and saying what you really feel even if people are going to hate you for it. And one of the things I was surprised about is that they didn't actually go too far into the love angle of the film. Yeah. I thought at the beginning they were going to. He did have a love interest and there was that but normally in Indian films even though there was, I think was there a love song? Yeah, there was. When he realized she was agreeing to the narrative of his story that was going on where the hero and the girl are falling in love with each other and he started doing his little dance on the roof there was a montage right there. But then they usually go more into that and that's part of the story. And you don't know if they kind of ended up together at all. No, but you like that. No, I do. Yes. Me too. No, I like that because it was it caught me off guard as most a couple things in this caught me off guard that I wasn't expecting to happen. It was just enough. The primary purpose for her character in that isn't the stereotypical we've got the love interest and we're going to have a love song and we're going to do something mushy and it's going to have no justification.  That's the purpose she served and it evidenced the quality of the writing that they didn't go to just the stereotype of what the audience is going to expect in a love story. The purpose of their relationship was to stir up inside of him the hero. And there's multiple things in this that I obviously we noted specifically at the beginning but the score of this was real nice in terms of it was incredibly one quirky at times. Different things to add to the emotion of the story or add to the feel of the film so the composer is If it's mispronounced please forgive Barat Sankar. I really enjoyed it. Me too. So fitting. Two full songs I think in terms of. There's one dance song. And it too they had a justification for it. It was the celebration of moving into the place. There wasn't just an item number. Then I thought all the cinematography by Vidhu Yeah. Vidhu Ayana was real nice. I enjoyed a lot of it. There was probably only a couple flaws in terms of some of the CGI of like the building but those were small. And I'm sure they just didn't have enough money to do what they wanted to do. Correct. I'd imagine. And I love the fact that the trailer didn't actually give away because you thought it was going to be like it kind of almost gave you the impression that it was going to be a normal superhero origin story. And it is a superhero origin story for sure. But not the typical one of like this is what it actually this is what it's about and this is what he does in terms of the voice and stuff. It didn't. And again we mentioned it when it happened. I mean the genius of the sky crying and the tear hitting the ink of his own writing that goes into his ear it becomes the voice. The internal voice is his own highest best creative self. Do you think it was his dad? No I don't. You think it was just him? I think it was his best creative highest self in connection with really I do believe there's a supernatural aspect to that and that it's in sync with the voice of his creator. I'm wondering because the reason I think it might have something to do with his dad I don't know for sure is because then he started to listen to himself. Yes. So that's why it led me to believe that that voice is not himself per se it was trying to it was either his dad helping or somebody helping him to find his inner self voice. Well again which was why he didn't like it showed a clear moment where he stopped listening to that voice and started listening to his own voice. Could be. And that's a question that I would love to give. This has I love there's this really cool thing that is done of it's not a Q&A as much as it is just reading what people have written to him and answering the questions for Get Out and all of the yeah for Jordan Peel and it's a video of him answering questions and a lot of the times people get it right and some other times they'll say something and he says wow that's actually brilliant I didn't even intend that it's cool you saw that so I'd love to know because they again gave us enough about his dad to make you wonder and I see how you could walk away with both are very positive reinforcements as to what you just said I think yeah that dad but just is it his dad because they didn't give a lot away about that they didn't except that he was brave and I think he died because of it he died for believing in something and standing up for something I think that they said that right yeah so when he smiles is he smiling just before the building collapses is he smiling because he's looking up to God is he smiling because he's looking up to his dad is it both just yeah exactly could be just VJ in the clouds so yeah I just I don't have enough accolades to shower on this film and it's and the performances I mean the mom just we haven't yeah she was great I really enjoyed her actors if you want to you know there was no wiping away of tears that weren't there everything was legit justified genuine I believe this was a real family I believe the relationships I believe they cared every moment she was on screen I was engaged and loving her work Yogi Babu was Yogi Babu Yogi Babu was always good always good and the we have never seen anything of his except that I know that he is in this film called doctor I think he's a lead in it we've seen stuff from it okay and it's directed by Nelson who directed jailer yes and a lot of people I think it's a dark comedy kind of thing so you guys can tell us if that's if it's similar did I see him credited where's I saw beast in there somewhere yes he's in beast he's in beast wonderful but which I loved him in this which I guess would be the only thing I don't even know if we got to him I've told you guys this before we saw beast but we walked out of beast yeah and I've since heard that no one else liked beast at all as well but that's it goes to show you that just because we didn't like one director's work doesn't mean we won't like his before because he also beast director is in case you didn't know the director of jailer yeah which is Nelson I know not there's very few directors that always hit it out of the park yeah yeah very so apparently he was in I don't even know if we got to see him in that yeah I don't remember about that outside of we didn't enjoy anything about it exactly I think we got to about 30 minutes of that film yeah but he had apparently directed the the film doctor which I have heard a lot about that it's good yeah yeah so you guys can let us know obviously what his next work yeah would be love the director as a writer what is as is there a lot of work with this particular writer director with them to and no in general let me see here if there's stuff I recognize of his director six total titles there's a short there's a video so this is his second film my stars first being Mandela Mandela oh yoga you'll give a boo is right in the picture I don't recognize that so you guys go out we'll have to let us know I impressive second film impressive by the director from your second film wow it just happens a lot in any in some way you know just well you there's a lot of people that get feature film debuts right but debut yeah but the the amount of stellar first or second films is granted you get a lot of experience while you're working on other things as an ad or you're doing whatever right so it's not like most directors don't just step on a set and know how to do what they do but to helm something for the first time and that you've written to be this good is really really really impressive really really impressive yeah that was real nice anyways I hope you enjoyed that watch along of us for mandavan ow if you saw this on youtube obviously he's all very cut up version of for each three parts is true if you'd like to see the full uncut version no you can head over to patreon you can see this full uncut reaction and other watch alongs that we've done in the past let us know what the next films by the director and the star and what should be our next damel watch along please let us know down below and onto the next watch along