I'm live. I'm live. I'm coming to you at night because I know a lot of y'all work and don't get to come on live during the week or whenever I decide I want to go live. So I decided to come on on the weekend on a night. Oh, hold on. I'm on mute. Raise this volume up. Okay, can y'all hear me now? All right. So I titled this women get what they put up with. That means if you enter into any type of relationship or dating arrangement or anything and you start putting up with BS from the beginning, that's what you're going to continue to get throughout the relationship. That's why it's very important to, you know, set your standards super early in the relationship. Otherwise, you're going to get exactly what you're putting up with. That's going to continue. And when you accept a man as he is for months and months and months at a time, and then one day wake up and say, well, I don't want him to be like that anymore, and I want this and I want that, you can't just spring it on him and expect him to just change because that's not what he signed up for. That's not who he thinks you are. So I know a lot of, I know a lot of ladies are watching the videos and they've been in a relationship forever. And now they want their man or partner husband to change. And it's too late. Like, you already agreed to that lifestyle. So either you have to change or you have to get out of it or you have to let them know, look, we need to upgrade our life. You need to do better. And if he's not down for that, you can't expect him to change because that's not what he signed up for. Okay. He thought he was getting a good 50 50 hard working, like a man woman. So you got to stay doing that, or you got to move forward and say, look, I don't want to be the hard work and stay, you know, 50 50 woman anymore. So either you change or I got to go.  This is not how it's supposed to be. I was brainwashed. You're the one that's supposed to be doing ABC and and, you know, if you can do that, great. If not, I need to see what else is out there and my other options. You know what I'm saying? So don't be afraid to ask for what you want and to tell people what you want. Even if it's, you know, far down in the relationship, you know, if that's what you want, that's what you want. Sometimes a lot of people want something and they never get it. And then they regret it later on in life. You know what I mean? So it's very important to get what you want because people can struggle by themselves. They don't need to be with a partner to struggle, you know, you can struggle alone and then still be free to date and actually have a chance to actually improve if you meet somebody better, you know, poison drinks the poison. Okay. So remember, don't try to change something or a man into someone who he never was. He settled for the relationship that he has with you because you were willing to go 50-50. Okay. So let me see. So I have, I've been watching a few videos. I've been listening to music. Jay-Z's new album came out where he actually apologized to Beyonce for all the stuff that he did to her and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a good album. It's a mature album. He talks about being a real man and providing for his family and investing in real estate and art and how other guys need to get up on this type of thinking or else they'll never be financially free. So he was basically giving really good advice to men who, you know, are fake ballers or not really doing anything with them, with their lives or careers.   So he was all about, you know, family, taking care of the family, you know, staying with his wife, making things work, teaching people how to earn money and make money instead of lose money. So I think it's a good album because people can learn something from it and get paid, you know what I'm saying? So shoot, he made me want to start going invested in real estate, but from listening to that album, like, I'm ready, I've got my money, let's go, you know, I'm gonna tell my husband, hey, you got some money saved, let's go invest in some real estate, you know? So the kind of thinking that grown men have versus, you know, boys is very different. So hopefully this album will help them start thinking in the right direction.  Yeah, I was lucky I have Sprint and I could get the title for six months for free and the Jay-Z album. I was, I've been with Sprint forever, y'all. I've been with Sprint since I've been with my husband. So long time. Anyway, tips on dealing with an ex's new girlfriend. She's obsessed with me. An ex's new girlfriend. I don't deal with anything ex. And, you know, I don't, you can't ask me to tell you how to deal with some, your ex boyfriend's girlfriend. Like I would just treat her like my best friend and like I really don't care about him, her dating him. And I would actually, you know, be cool. I don't, I don't deal with any ex's. So I don't know. But just play it cool and don't get, you know, emotional about it and just be friends, you know? He's her problem now. Right? I do have my own money. He got a bar, you know, today he asked me to borrow some money. And I was like, um, where's your money? He's like, oh, I have it in savings and I don't want to spend any money today. And I'm like, oops. I don't have any cash. I'm so sorry. I never have cash. So he went and got his money at the bank because he didn't feel like going to the bank. And I say, I do have my own money. And he does it to see if I'll give him money and I'll make him feel guilty for doing it. I'll say, um, I'll tell Layla, Layla, go get your piggy banks if you have any cash. And he'll say, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. I'll go to the ATM.   Like, because I will never have cash and I don't carry cash. I just straight up cards. I have my own money because I do a lot of things online that I earn money for and I don't spend it. It just all goes to a savings. Like I might spend a little bit here and there on makeup and stuff, but the majority of it is in a savings. And I'm about to see if, you know, I can start investing it soon because I've saved up a lot. Um, so I do have my own money and, you know, that's a good thing. But I didn't have my own money for a long time. A long time. Let's say the last two years I just got my own money. But since before that, he's taken 100% care of me, like everything from my makeup, clothes, everything, like since I was 22 years old. So, and I'm 38 now. So he's been taking care of me for ever. I just started making, you know, money two years ago and I've been able to save a lot because I don't have to work and I don't have to pay bills. So I'm lucky like that. So, yeah, so women always, you know, if you're going to put up with something, prepare to put up with it for a long time. Don't turn around the next month and expect him to be Prince Charming when he wasn't that in the beginning. Make sure you ask for what you want in the beginning of every relationship, even if it's just, you know, your preference of a place to go on a date because you have to set the tone. So I know in the group, a lot of women are declining all these dates because these guys are trying to take them to cheap places or just to coffee or drinks and they're like, no, no, thanks. You know, so make sure you let them know because if they think they can get away with it, the next time it's going to be, you know, something else that you don't like. So don't ever agree to anything. It's best to hold out and get exactly what you want because you'll just be disappointed if you don't, you know what I mean? You'll just, you'll be sitting there embarrassed.  You probably wouldn't date unless he had some, some type of money. So, you know, he's not going to be that attractive. Then you got to go somewhere cheap with him. You know, that's like too bad things. You know, you got to pick a struggle.   Which one is going to be? You know what I'm saying?  Like it doesn't even matter where it is. But if you're trying to land somebody or you're trying to, you know, have standards, you're going to have to, you know, you're going to have to say no on those chilies dates and apple bees and stuff like that. You guys say no, sir. I'm sorry. I don't even feed my dog that, you know. I remember one time when I first started dating my husband, like he had taken me to nice places and stuff like that. And we used to eat at really, really nice restaurants.  And that's like a buffet.  And he's like, yeah, I saw a commercial. The food looks pretty good. I said, you can eat. I'll watch you eat, but I'm not eating. And so he's like, never mind. Let's know. But never mind. Let's not go. And so I was like, yeah, because I'm not eating there. And so years later, we passed by another one and I said, do you remember when you asked me to eat there? And he's like, yeah, I said, I can't believe you asked me to eat at Golden Corral. Do you know that's that's like $6 for one plate of all you can eat? I said, can you imagine, you know, what type of stuff is in that? And he just laughed at himself. He's like, I was just going to see if you were going to say yes. So men do test you, you know, if they can give you a $6.99 plate versus a $200 dinner, they will. Even if they got the money to spend, they're going to test you.  No, you say, you got to put your foot down. You're like, oh, no, I don't think so. Keep going. So tips for not blaming others for my own mistakes and realize I grew up learning this to increase my frequency. If you've made mistakes, fix them the best that you can and avoid doing them over, you know, avoid making the same mistakes over. And instead of seeing them as mistakes, see them as lessons, you know, and when you go to blame someone, ask yourself what you can do to fix your own problem. It doesn't matter who you have to blame, you still got to fix the problem anyway, you know, you can blame anybody in the world, but it's still your problem. So figure out how to fix your own problem before blaming people, you know, then blame them after you fixed it. Works out better that way. But then you'll want to take the credit, you know. What are some jobs to meet rich men? Oh, receptionist in like country clubs, golf clubs, tennis clubs, gyms in nice areas, doctor's offices in nice area, any place in a nice area of town, bartenders at steak houses, bartenders in nice areas, like I said, also mill clothing stores, the clothing, the men's clothing department and major clothing stores, department stores, things like that. I would say paralegal, lawyer's office, doctor's office, like I said, I said that already, you know, homes, just anywhere where rich men are, where rich men work, just get the lower positions. I also think that like massage therapists, but sometimes they get mistaken for hookers, so I don't know. Pharmaceutical sales, you know, you go and try to sell pharmaceuticals to the doctors, wear your nice little skirt, which you'll not always see them when I go to the doctor's office. They always have all these cute outfits and dragging a little suitcase behind them, you know, one of those. People that do, what do you call it, advertising or marketing, they will go to different doctor's offices and ask if they want to be put in certain magazines or newspapers or websites and things like that, and you get to sit down and actually have a conversation with them, close up, you know, so things like that. And I feel like any job where you are around very highly successful men and can dress nice, not in some uniform, you know, or you can wear your own clothes, you know, or something that's close to regular clothes, you know what I mean. Hospitals, but make sure you're not doing like service work, because I don't know if they'll give you the time of day that they would someone that's more professional, you know what I mean. So, you know, things like that. Okay. Hi, there's an engineer. We had one date so far. He flaked on two dates. He made me, no, he made with me and how do I let him know my time is valuable and flaky manner turn off and don't accept this one. Block, stop answering his text messages and tell him you're busy and stop chasing him because if he's flaked on two dates, that means to cut him off, you know, you don't you don't deal with that type of stuff. If he doesn't know you're valuable already, he's already had one date with you, and then he's flaked on two dates. So obviously that means you're not a priority to him. So let him go and don't waste, don't waste your time with him anymore.  And this time, it'll be on your terms. So, yeah, I know a lot of women that are not in my group and I know regular Facebook and I see them posting stuff and I just shake my head. I'm like, they really are buying into this 50 50 thing and they're really buying into it thinking it's normal when, okay, some of these girls are really pretty, you know, and they're buying into it. And guess what? There's girls that are less attractive that are getting way more than them by men and, you know, they're not even half, you know, as attractive and they don't have to pay for half the rent or half the bills. You know, they're getting flown here going on vacations and things like that. So a lot of women just don't know and they've never been told any better. So whatever I see a post like that, I will comment because sometimes they just don't know. And I think it's our duty as women to let them know that's not how it's supposed to be. You know, I think it's our duty to be like, you know, you don't really have to pay 50 50. That's not your job.  If you're paying 50 50 and any type of relationship, you're enabling that man to be mediocre. Because a man is I mean, a woman is supposed to inspire a man to become better and strive harder to earn more and be more successful.  You know, he don't even need a raise because you got the other hat. So I feel like if you're paying anything on if you're paying 50 50, you're enabling your man to stay at his level. And you know, I feel like a lot of women who do that, they always get left anyway, as soon as the man starts making a lot of money. And he can get a girl who does not accept the 50 50 thing. Oh, I bet baby, I can pay all your bills and I got you. You've been paying 50 50 for 20 years. And now all of a sudden he meets some young girl who don't pay 50 50. And then he's going to take all his paycheck and his earnings and savings and 401k and go pay her all her bills. You know what I'm saying? So don't get stuck in this trap ladies. If you're paying 50 50 figure out a way to at least listen it to you know, where you're only at least paying 20% 80 20 or something, you know.  I think you know, most if you look good, the children should look good. If anyway, if he's rich, they can get plastic surgery when they get older. You know, look at Khloe Kardashian. Okay, all you need is money to look good. I wouldn't be worried about my how my kids look.  Have I written any books? No, I have not written any books. But you know, that could be in my future. You never know. So yeah, I know a lot of women probably don't like to hear what I say, but you know, it registers later on. I'm not trying to be mean, but you know, think about back in the old days, when men paid for everything and how how much more they respected their women and how long they stayed together and how they were, you know, raising the children together and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because the woman expected the man to be a man.  And you know, sometimes the man just like, you know what, I'm tired of packing my stuff and moving back in with my mom. I'm just going to go away with somebody else, you know, and then you cry in the corner. Well, he didn't call me today.  You're sending miss mixed messages. Do you want him to be with you? Well, if he don't act right and he don't treat me right.  You're not, he's not your husband.    You can't do that.  You know, you can't do that. If you're going to, if you're going to baby a grown man and then expect him to do right and, you know, in two weeks, three weeks from now or when the baby comes, why would they, how would they know how to do anything if you've been their mother the whole time and enable them to be like that? You can't, you can't do that. If you are, if you enable them in any way, you're, you're not going to get the results that you want. So, you know, women are, someone says women are made to feel like they have to settle and they don't, you don't have to settle.  You just, with the wrong ones, you know, maybe they're the wrong age. Maybe you need to go older, you know, and I feel like a lot of women, some of, okay, and I don't, I'm not trying to be being, but some women think that they can get the same type of caliber of man as other women, but you have to remember. You got to remember men have preferences too. It's not about what, all what you want and what you think you deserve and what you, what you can get. It's about are they going to accept you as well?  You can't go like five years older if you're already old. You can't go 10 years older if you're already old. You got to go like up in the 20s because you'll be young to them, you know. I was talking to this one girl. She's like 30-something. She's like, I want to get me a sugar daddy who's 45. I'm like, no, you got to go to like the 60s, basically, because you are already 40, almost 40. So you got to go up into the 60s. No 40-something-year-old rich guy is going to go for somebody and be their sugar daddy when they can go get a 20-year-old, you know. So you got to be also realistic, especially when it comes to age. So yeah, so if y'all have any questions, go ahead and put them in there. I think I covered the topic and if y'all have any questions on the topic or if you have a situation of dealing with the topic, you can ask and I'll try to look through these questions. Okay, my kids are watching TV in the other room if y'all hear some TV. Okay, I need help with justifying making men pay for everything. It doesn't seem fair. I need help with justifying making men pay for everything. It doesn't seem fair. It's fair. It's fair, believe me, because they're getting more out of the whole thing than you are. Men are getting more out of the relationship than you are. So it's only fair that they pay you and compensate you for being with them. You know what I mean? Plus that's a man's job. They shouldn't be dating you if they can't pay to date you.  A long time ago, men courted women. They paid for everything. They tried to do everything to impress them because back then, men had to impress women to get it. You know what I mean? Or to get close to it. These days, all you got to do is say, hey, you want to go two for two at Applebee's. You pay half. You give me $10.  Men are supposed to pay. That is their role. They're supposed to pay. If they can't pay, they don't need to be dating.   Other women are looking at you saying, she's desperate. Look, she has to pay. Look, I'm sitting over here, old glasses, gray hair, looking worse than her, but she's paying and I'm not.  You don't have to pay.  I'm serious. If you're with a man who's making you pay, you could be doing much better. You settled. I can't even believe that came out of a woman's mouth. That's crazy. Wow. Maybe you're just learning. I don't know. What age should a girl start looking for a serious relationship in their action? Well, it depends. You know, if you want to work forever, if you have a career, you might want to put that on hold before you want to get married and have kids. If you don't have a career, the best to start early, but make sure the man is older because young guys don't want to get married. You got to get the older guys who have been there, done that, seen everything, dated everything. And now they're ready to settle down. You can't grab a hold of a 25 year old and say, Hey, hey guy, let's go get married. You got to get somebody older who's ready to marry. Okay, that will let you stay home and be a housewife and raise kids and financially support you. You don't get married to someone your own age unless you want to struggle together. You know what I mean? Or unless they're super rich. So make sure you don't marry somebody young because they're going to mess up, especially men. Young men are no good at marriage. That's somebody old. Okay. I haven't found men my age or under 50 willing to pay for dates and meals. I look like a mix between Tamela man shape and big evidence. Okay. Well, I don't know if this is like, serious question. But some guys are not going to pay for certain women.  You know, you got to be at least in the area or the genre of what they want because, you know, a guy is not going to pay for some girl he doesn't want. Okay. How should a 24 year old young lady dress every day to attract the right man? They always say dress for the job you want. If you're going for older guys, dress classy. If you're going for younger guys, you know, cover, at least cover up. You can still dress sexy, but don't show everything.  I don't suggest sneakers. I don't suggest flip flops or anything like that.  How do I bring up meeting the family? We talk about getting married, but he's been dealing with the business so much that he put me on the back burner. But now he's way wanting to be more into us and making a, um, don't like, don't even worry about meeting the family. Like, don't even talk about it. Just act like you feel like you'll never meet them. Just like, you know, just talk about your family all the time and pretend like he don't even have a family. Then he's going to be like, well, my family this and my family that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're going to be like, well, I don't know anything about your family.  You know, make him start talking about his family more that way. If he keeps bringing them up, that means eventually he's going to have to introduce you to him, to them.  Maybe, maybe you'll take me to meet them one day.  Anyways, okay, I'm looking for a serious like relationships, but going back to finish my college degree at 24, what I've seen too old to still be in college. No, that's young. A lot of guys, that's still young. If you had a couple of kids young and now your kids are grown and estranged, should you lie and say you don't have kids to increase your chances? Um, we'll just say my kids are grown and they're on their own now. You know, I feel like lying would backfire on you because eventually it would come up or come out in some way. And if they found out that you are estranged from your kids, they might think something is wrong with you. So I feel like just saying they're grown and doing their own thing is fine, you know. Is a 37 year old man a good, with a good job, no kids, no wife, suspect, suspect of being what gay? I don't know.  Some people are financially conscious and they don't make certain decisions until they're financially stable. So it just depends on what race they are. Okay. What can you say to your sugar daddy first to stand out online? Um, you mean in your profile? Because if you're like, okay, a lot of women who I do consultations with, they will, they always make the mistake of trying to contact the person first. You don't do that. Someone told me that they'll like poke or, you know, flirt or hit a button or something to say oh hi to a person on there to a guy. You don't do that.  So don't ever contact a man first on any of the dating site. But I would suggest putting something super simple and mysterious so that they are intrigued by you. You know what I'm saying? Don't write out your whole life story and stuff like that. Three, four sentence tops. That's it. That's all you should have on your profile. Less than four sentences. If they want to know more about you, they're going to click. Okay.  They don't even need to know who you are anymore and they'll just scroll on to the next person. You left no mystery. How do you respond to I'm not ready for a relationship? When someone says they're not ready for a relationship, it means they don't want to have strings with you. They just want to use you up and toss you out because they don't want to have a relationship with you. Basically, it means I don't want to be with you. I don't want a commitment with you. You know, I'll sleep with you.  It's kind of like a no strings situation. That's just what they're saying. Look, I don't want a relationship. I just want to hit it and quit it. That's all they're saying. Or I'm not ready for a relationship. It also means I don't want to have to buy you gifts, listen to you nag, and worry about hurting your feelings. Because I don't have time for it and I just want what most men want. And I'm not afraid to tell you that. That's what it's saying. Why do women use the economy as a reason to go 50-50 with a man? Because instead of making an excuse for the man, they use the economy. Oh, it's a bad economy.  It's just an excuse to deter people from thinking their man is broke or whoever their dating. It's 25 too young for a white man to get married. Usually, any race that gets married at 25 usually end up cheating. I think 25 is too young to get married, period, unless you're a woman. It doesn't matter how old you are as a woman to get married. As long as you're over 25 and up is a good age to get married for a woman. Before a man, you need to at least be close to 40. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to have to pop in fireworks when I'm done. But I'm not going to be on here very long. Probably about 30 more minutes and then I'm done for the night because I've got to go downstairs and do some stuff. I'm going to Austin this weekend. I mean, not this weekend, but I'm leaving Monday. I'm live. What's up? They're far. I know. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. Rico's going crazy. Why don't you go let him in the backyard so he can mark. He's ready. All right, close the door.  Oh, you know what? It is Saturday. Maybe they're just doing it for Fourth of July weekend since it's on a Tuesday. Okay. Do women, does women market value decrease after 25? Why should we get married? I don't think it decreases. I think if you get married 25 after 25, you're good because you know, you can still have kids at young. You don't have to rush off to work. You're not really you're still young to your husband for many, many years. And he's not going to be looking at other women because you're young. You know, if you wait till like a lot of women will wait till like they're almost 40 to try to get married or 30 something to try to get married. And you know, unless you're marrying an old man, you're not young anymore.  So, and plus, you know, you can you can say, Oh, I'm a housewife at 25. I don't work. I'm a lady of leisure. And you can wait all those years to have your own free time, build a business, stay at home, you know, work on your business. And then when you get ready to have kids, maybe a few years later, or maybe wait till you're 30 something and have traveled and gotten to experience the good life and have had time with your husband, you know, then you have kids, you know, and your relationship will be so good with your husband.  And so that's why you won't get married young. How do you get him to buy you a car, wreck your other one, or try to get him to get you a down payment and be the co-signer that way if you can't pay your bills, they're gonna be looking for him. So try to get a down payment and for him to co-sign on it, and then you can then you mysteriously lose your job and have him or mysteriously have extra bills pop up that you need him to handle.  I feel like if he's got enough money, then he'll get it for you. If he doesn't, then you're aiming for the wrong person and try somebody with more money, you know. Guys with a lot of money don't mind putting down a down payment for a car, because it's not that much, you know. And then they'll make the notes, they'll pay the notes for you. Like, okay, well, whatever your note is, let me know, you know. So if they got the money, just ask. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. That's, a lot of women mess up like that. They just don't even ask. And so the men don't think that they feel like they deserve it. I ask, I'm like, look, I need a car, or look, I need some new shoes, or look, I need to go shopping, you know. I just tell them straight up, you know, I need this. And I look at them like, okay, I'm waiting, you know. But you have to be bold sometimes. If you're dating a man that's not generous, and understands the dynamic of the relationship, then you're fooling yourself. You know what I'm saying? I don't like begging. You don't beg, you tell, you know. I don't beg. I say, I need, not I want, or can I have, I need such and such. If they don't give it, you'll find another way to get it. That's what I say, you know. And you just have to tell people, you know. So make sure you're not afraid to tell people what you want. If they say no, then they said no. But at least they know what you want. And they know what you expect. And in the future, they may be able to do it, you know. What is a good age to have kids? I say at least wait until after your, maybe, I had my kids at 27 and 28. But I've been married, I was married a while and then, you know, I've been with the same man for years. So we had already done everything there was to do together. And then kids was like, okay, you bored? Yeah, I'm bored, you know. Okay. Gold digging 101. Yes, I'm advocating women to be gold diggers. Someone asked me that. She was seven. I need him to put me in the D to the house. We don't live together. He doesn't want to get married yet. I'm 40, look 30, he's 50. That takes, like, you know, if you want to be put on the deed to the house, find out where his deed is. You can write yourself on the deed. And he might never know. Scam, join the scammer.  There's room to add. So you can just find that deed, get you some, get a pen and write the name of that and put it right back where it was, where it gloves, so your fingerprints ain't on it. And that's it. That's it. That's how you get on a deed. But seriously, it's kind of hard to get on a deed of someone unless you live there. And they want, you know, they ask you to be on it. You know, you can't just say, can you put me on the deed to your house? That seems kind of suspicious, you know what I'm saying? To say, you know, make up an excuse, like, I need to get something done over on this side of town. And they only let residents that live here or near here get this service. So they would like, they want to see like a deed or something with my name on it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that I live over here.  But I feel like if he did it for you, he would probably forget about it or forget to take you off. So just like, oh, it's temporary, you can take it off at any time, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then just keep his mind off of it. Yeah, this is Gold Digger 101 for y'all who didn't know. Gold Digger is not even a bad word anymore. It's like a compliment now. It's like, if you're not a Gold Digger, you're a 50-50 girl or a pick me. So I would rather be a Gold Digger than a 50-50 girl any day. I'm sorry, because that just makes me look better than them because I can figure out how to get it for free. So I feel like Gold Digger is no longer a derogatory term towards a woman. It's actually a compliment now because, you know, if you can get what you want out of a man, you know, why is that a bad thing?  You know, when those holidays roll around, you're going to wish you was a Gold Digger. Those holidays roll around and you're getting that Walmart gift that's on aisle two right around the holiday season. It's already nice and packaged with the bow on it. It costs $9. So when you get that, you're going to wish you were a Gold Digger.  Now I've got these cheap bubble baths that won't even bubble up. Merry Christmas. Those vibrating house shoes that don't work after five days. That's what you're going to get. Okay. Okay, I'm leaving in 10 minutes. Okay. So learn about kids. How to embarrass a guy when he goes shopping with you, so he buy you what you want. What should I tell him? Well, take them to the mall and when you get close to the counter and in time to pay and like the person, the cashier is like, you know, around or the sales associate is around.  He spoils me so much.  Oh, my man spoils me so much. He buys me whatever I want. He's so sweet, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he'll, he'll be like, okay, you can get that too. Yeah. He'll feel like the big man and a baller, a real baller, even though he probably spent his rent. But, you know, if he has the money, it shouldn't be a problem, you know, but just make him feel good about spending it. Like, girl, my man is so cute. He's so sweet. He buys me and spoils me. Oh, my gosh. You know, I feel so lucky to have him. Look at him, you know, just like, and he'll feel like he'll feel like the man and he'll, he'll pay for it. Someone keeps talking about the bachelor. I don't watch the bachelor. I start watching those like when I was in my 20s or the bachelor and it was, it was silly. A bunch of women fighting over one man or I've never watched the bachelorette though, but I feel like those shows, those shows are boring to me now. I need something more exciting. I wouldn't order alcohol on the first date if he slipped something in your drink when you were back his time. Well, you know, they make this nail polish now. You wear it and you dip it. You can wear it in your pinky and you dip it in your drink. And if there's some type of drugs in it, it'll, it'll change colors. So you can actually order that online, just in case you're worried about that. But I'll take my drink with me, or I'll drink it all before I leave the table. Plus he can, he can slip a drug into iced tea and still mess you up. So it really doesn't matter if it's alcohol or not. That has nothing to do with it. Okay. So yeah, I feel like a lot of, a lot of ladies, they're afraid to ask for what they want. And that's why they end up always settling. I was not afraid to ask for what I wanted because I knew I had, you know, I had to get what I wanted. And that's the only way to get what you want out of someone is to just ask, you know, and then if that don't work manipulation.  But you got to ask first. People tend to blame victim, blame, to victim blame. I drank alcohol all throughout my dating process. When I was, when I was with my husband, I drank, I drank a lot back then. Maybe that's why I was brave enough to ask for what I wanted. But that was always tipsy. It was like, I want this, like, I have that, that confidence from the alcohol. I don't even drink that much anymore. But when I, when I was young, yeah, I was drinking it. I was very bold. Just like a lot of, I feel like a lot of women are afraid to be, to do anything. They're just so like scared of everything. What if he's, what if he does this? What if they did that? You know, what if he does this?  But stop worrying, over worrying, you know, there, there's a difference. People can sense that anxiety around you and it's not approachable. So, and especially if you're dating someone who is not really your type or is a lot older, alcohol makes them look 20 years younger. And then I take off my glasses. I can't see nothing. Just the blur with some, with some money. That's all I saw is the blur that pay for everything.  That's what it looked like to me, except I was just, you know, having fun. You know, I feel like I knew that too.  No, I didn't have my glasses or contacts on. It was dark. You know, I don't know. I can't tell. Everybody looks the same when it's dark and blurry, except he's paying for everything. You know what I'm saying? What I did a man shorter than me, if he had money, yes. But if he was broke, nope. Sorry, can you do that? Got picked trouble. I have a lot of credit card that this African asked if I was ready for marriage. I said, are you ready to take care of a wife? He said, yes. How do I express to him that I'm not trying to work? Well, tell him, like, you know, in my family, we don't believe or I don't like whenever I imagine getting married, I never want it. I never believed in working. So I'm going to be a housewife. Don't ask. Tell. I told y'all, I'm going to be a housewife. I'm not going to work. I'm going to work in the home. And and he has no choice. If he wants you to be his wife, then he has no choice, but to let you be a housewife. Otherwise, you ain't gonna marry him. Do you question men who are accomplished but single? No, because usually they they had an X or they were all seeing someone who was also accomplished and the competition became too much.  He's going to dump you.  Oh, he's single and accomplished, you know, he did. They don't know that some woman paid half his bills for 15 years to help him get accomplished. You know what I'm saying? So, if he's like that, chances are he has an X in his past that he probably broke up with who was waiting on the marriage and he's like, no, forget that. I'm gonna get me someone who was impressed with me. You know what I'm saying? So, see if there's an X. I bet there is. I bet there's a successful X in his background. Okay, I'm gonna read some more of these. I'm going in five minutes. How can you tell a guy is a player because some men are really good at pretending. Some will wind it, wind down you and all along they are all interested in one thing when they get if they disappear. That's why you have to make men invest lots of time and lots of money into you. That way, if they do get it and disappear, they lost more than they gained. You know what I'm saying?  So that's why you have to make them invest in you. You know what I'm saying? If you haven't sex on a third date after Applebee's, that's your fault. A man who invests in a woman will not leave because he says, dang, I got to know her. We spent like three weeks together, four weeks together. I spent all this money on her. I took her on vacation. I took her here. I bought her some shoes. I bought her a purse. I bought her this. You know, we ate at this restaurant.  You should have a song before you have sex. You guys should have a song together before you have sex.  He's gonna hit it and quit it. Develop a relationship. Develop an investment. Otherwise, you're gonna be a hit it and quit it over and over again.  Even if it's just a silly song that y'all hear every time y'all are together and you make a joke saying, ooh, that's our song. You know, it's in the middle. It's gonna stick. Are you sleeping with somebody on the third date after Applebee? You need to change. This is a game. Everyone's a player. But who's gonna win? You or him? I'm Mexican, but my girlfriend keeps saying I have a troll. I almost read it too. I know that all men... Okay, I just read that. Wait, wait, wait. I know that all men want sex, but some men may want a relationship too. How can you tell the difference between the guy who wants to be in a relationship and the guy who just wants to hit and quit it?    That's the one that's interested in the relationship, but if they're sweet talking to you on the phone, texting you non-stop, if things are just moving a little too fast, they just want sex. So, okay. Hi. Okay, someone says hello from France. Hi. Okay, I have an electronic device I used to detect cold tickers. Well, good. Chance is already probably not after you though. How do I get it a money order? I'm tired of meeting in person all the time. If you meet in person, always have something or somewhere to hurry up and go or bring someone with you and just say, they were late for a doctor's appointment. We just stopped in to meet you real quick. So we really have to go blah, blah, blah, take somebody with you or tell them you have a doctor's appointment and you're going to be late and you just decided to beat him on the way there or make up something where you have to leave right after you get it. You know what I'm saying? If he's old, he's not going to know how to put no money on PayPal or MoneyGram from the computer or something like that. So just meet the old man and get the money. That's just what you got to put up with sometimes, or you need to go to his house and show him how to put money on PayPal or something. I don't know, but maybe if you teach him, he'll know how to do it, help him set up an account. That's what I would do. I'm like, look, come on, Paul, let's go to your house. Let's have some coffee at your house and let me show you how to set up PayPal. And then, oh, let me show you how to do webcam on the computer so we can talk and I don't have to see it. You know what I'm saying? He'll love that. He'll be like, oh, yeah. Okay. Some girls that, Gabriella, she said broke men think they have to protect themselves from gold diggers. Shoot, you might learn something from us. Okay, gold diggers don't go after broke guys, so you're safe, right? How to date different types of guys at the same time. Side dude slash cubby. Well, if you're married, if you're married, you got to be careful because unless he's super old, he don't care or whatever. But there's like some side dudes can say, okay, well, this lady got a rich husband, you know. And if he finds out, she might lose everything. So, you know, he might try to blackmail you. He might, you know, he might become obsessive with you or something or try to get you to buy him stuff with your husband's money. So unless your side dude makes more than your husband, don't even mess with him. Like, I don't, I feel like if you're dumb enough to have a side dude that doesn't make as much money as the other person that you're with, it's kind of dangerous. Like, use him as a plan B, make sure he has just as much money or enough money to take care of you if you get caught, you know what I'm saying? That's smart. It's done to get caught over a broke side dude and lose everything. That's a lot of, that's, that's not smart. So side dude needs to have money. When can we talk about the dark side of sugar daddy? Okay, I don't know. The dark side would be, you know, if, if they're strange, if they're mean, if they call you out your name and stuff like that, and then don't, don't never marry you, they just want to use you and throw money at you. I mean, that's something you have to accept when you go into it, you know? I never really had to worry about it, you know, because before I, before I met my husband, I would date guys just for, just for what they could do for me. And I kept it like right there. I didn't care. I was not emotionally involved. I was like, it's business for me, you know?   I don't feel like anything you let happen to you or anything that you allow and keep allowing for money is your fault. You should always have a plan B. So when you get tired of this sugar daddy, you just switch over to the other one, if that's what you're going to do, you know, or you find one that you get along with and that you like and that you can deal with, you know? That's basically it, you know? It's up to you. You can accept certain things or you don't have to. Anyways, well, you know, a lot of times women, young, I'm gonna tell, because some guys are appalled at what I'm saying, but after women have given up on love and stuff like that, and they're just going for lifestyle, this is what they need to do. Okay? There's women that have not given up on love and they're gonna fall in love and marry some dude that they love and do everything for the reason of love, right? Right? Right? Yeah. I'm not talking to those women. I'm talking about the women who've been there, done that, now they're ready to do other things. Okay? This is not to all women. This is just to women who want something else, you know? I feel like some women choose lifestyle, some women choose in love. Some women can have both, but, you know, one lasts longer than the other, so you gotta think about it. The money, you can invest money, you can grow money, you can save money. Love, people fall in and out of love every day. Love is conditional, you know what I'm saying?  It's gonna feel different, so a lot of men don't think about this. Most women like comfort, so that's why a lot of women are going more for men with money versus falling in love with somebody just for who they are, because we know most men cheat anyway, so we'd rather be shopping than, you know, clipping coupons, okay? Anyways, there's a difference.  So if you married someone just for love and she's making her own money and she falls out of love with you because you did this, this and that and cheated and stuff, she's gone on to the next and then she's on my videos looking for a man with money, okay? So a lot of people told me how they found my channel. They went to Google and typed in how to stop attracting broke men or worst date ever or just like they were angry when they came and typed in, you know, how to get money out of your boy or how to get your man to pay bills or, you know, how to get your man to be a real man or whatever.    Well, you know, who is rich men? Rich men are very interested in broke ass holes, you know why? Because they know that broke ass holes are not interested in broke men and they're only interested in men with money who could do things for them so they know they got a chance, they know they could be seen out in public, what's up, 20, 30 years younger than them. They know that these women are going to treat them nice and cater to them and stuff like that and they know they're gonna have some armed candy. The women know they're gonna get something out of it so everybody wins, you know, except the broke dudes. They don't win, they just move on to the next victim.   Oh, I'll pay your car note. Okay, here you go. That easy, you know, you don't have to touch him, but the car notes paid. So just cry, look worried and promise to see him afterward. You know, we can go to lunch. I think I told the story one time, but I went to high school with some guy, he was like real popular, he was real cute, whatever, whatever, you know, and he was, I think we had went out one time and stuff like that. And he was kind of cheap and, you know, I know it was high school, whatever, you know, but like years later, maybe two years later, he was like a waiter in a restaurant and he, he was our waiter, like I was on a date with this old guy. And he was like, I see you like, I see you like, I know you're gold digging because it's me, it's way too old. I say, yeah, but I'm drinking, I'm drinking for you, I'm eating for you, my bills are paid. I don't have to work. I don't have to wait tables. How are you doing? You know, so I feel like, yeah, gold digging, it's fine. It's not something to be ashamed of, you know, if you can do it, why not?  They can also help you figure out how to start your own business, you know, if they're financially stable and they have all this information and knowledge, they can help you learn how to start investing, you know, start your own business, pay for your school, all that. So why wouldn't you get that information and help and knowledge if it's being offered, you know what I'm saying? Other guys can't do that for you. So you'd be a fool, you'd be actually foolish to pass that kind of stuff up because it's only gonna help you in the future and set you up for your, you know, the next level of your life, you know. And I'm not saying be a gold digger and just take someone's money, put it somewhere where it's gonna benefit you later.  I said that's in the Bible. Yeah, it should be in the Bible. Maybe I'd, maybe I'd like it if that was in the Bible. You know, a man is supposed to take care of his woman. So a lot of people don't have to rush to get married faster than some people or, or they, you know, I've seen people rush to get married for certain reasons, you know, a lot of people get married young because, you know, they want to look good in their wedding pictures and they might be aging. So they want to hurry up and get married. So their wedding pictures can be pretty, which is kind of shallow.  So a lot of women do get married a little bit young. So I don't know, they got Photoshop now. So maybe I don't have to work so much. Okay. Well, my time is coming on. Thank you all for tuning in. If you'll have any questions, if you all have any thing like that to add to the video, you all can put them in the comments when it's uploaded and go back and watch it or share it with somebody who needs to hear the message or, you know, whatever.  But if y'all want me to cover something that's, you know, in a regular video without being live and just talk about it, let me know because I probably do another video that's not live and that's on a subject and that's just going to go in on it without the distractions of like the comments and the trolls and stuff. So if there's something that you want me to do or discuss, let me know because I think a lot of women could benefit from this information. You know, there's too many women out there going 50-50 with these broke men who look good enough to get a rich man and it's just not fair for you. You know, you're sitting there struggling and you don't have to. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do that at all. And if you are doing it and you want to stop, you know, I feel like you have to let go of that guilt first. You know, that's not your job to go 50-50 with a man. That's not what women are supposed to do. You know, you're being duped.  Okay? You're not supposed to pay when you are in the presence of a grown man.  Okay? So remember ladies, if you're paying for some dude, if you're working and paying 50-50 with somebody, you're getting scammed. All right? I'll see you later. Bye.


So I think it's pretty well known that when you're in a crisis or dealing with intense mental health difficulties, A&E is probably the worst place you could be. However, today I wanted to talk about A&E and mental health. It's deemed a bad place to be just because it's a very high stimulating environment and when you're in crisis or struggling, being in a low stimulating environment is actually better for your mental. A&E certainly is not a low stimulating environment. Welcome back to my channel if you're new here.  Honestly, I did think I had already made this video but as it turns out I haven't so today I'm doing that. Now I want to do a disclaimer before I get on with this video and just say this video is based solely on my own personal experience as well as what I've seen others go through. Another disclaimer is I'm not saying to not seek help for your mental health at all. You should always, always seek support when you need to.  It's just mental health but I want to go through every single step of what happens when you step through the door of A&E. I will never forget the first time I went to A&E for mental health. It was terrifying. I was convinced they wouldn't let me leave. I believed all the stigma. I had no idea what to expect. I was also really overwhelmed by how busy it was and how intense the whole experience was as a whole.  As with anything in A&E, when you first arrive you have to book yourself in and what that is is you give your personal details so they know who you are. They find when the system may print you out a medical bracelet thing. They ask you for a reason as to why you're there. So all you have to say is I feel as if it was like that. And that's it. You don't have to go into details. You don't have to explain anything. You just say the reason you're there and then you wait to be called in. Honestly you shouldn't feel ashamed when you're in A&E. You shouldn't be afraid to say why you're there. They've heard it all. They've seen and heard everything. You are not going to shock them. You're not going to surprise them and they're not going to be afraid of you. I just want to jump in and say reaching out for support is a huge deal and that's a huge recovery win. The next stage is to go through triage. In this part you speak to a nurse and you give more information of the way you're there. So you start to talk and open up about why you're suicidal, why you've gone to A&E, what meds you take, all the bits and pieces of information. You still don't have to display everything but the more information you give them, the better it is, the more you can help you with. This is a necessary step. This is how they prioritize who they see first and how they allocate bed space. And honestly in this stage I have completely brought down crying because I didn't know what to do. I felt so afraid and intimidated by everything going on. I just brought down crying and that's okay. It's okay to cry. Once you've spoken to someone you're usually then taken to a cubicle or a waiting area. A doctor at some point will come and speak to you and at this point you'll be asked about everything. They ask you the questions about your current situations and whatever they feel they need to ask in that moment. Assuming all goes well and that you are medically clear and medically stable, you will then be referred to the psychiatric liaison team in A&E. The psychiatric liaison team or a team of people who come and see you usually one or two people and they basically assess you and give you the outcome of what's the next step. A huge misconception about going to A&E.  When in reality a lot of the time people go home afterwards. An admission through cycle A isn't very common. They usually refer you to a crisis team or back to your community team for an urgent appointment. Remember this is different for everybody. No two people are the same. No two people are given the exact same plan. Now we talk about the joy that is the mental health liaison team. I've had my first year of experiences with them. I've had some good. Once you've been medically cleared the psychiatric liaison team will come down and speak to you. This is usually a support worker or a social worker and sometimes a consultant. They want to keep you as safe as they can while also keeping you as least restricted as possible. They don't want hospital hygiene. They come to an outcome and they go from there. They can vary from going home to being further assessed under the mental health act.  Honestly though if you need help don't be afraid to get it. Don't be afraid to go to A&E to ask for help. They are there for a reason they have a job to do. They are there to protect you usually say. A quick little thank you to my Patreons, Junk Shop Library and Sky High Tower. Thank you for being Patreons and if you'd like to support my channel there are links in the description down below which would mean the world. My Amazon wish list at the moment is getting ready for me to move out. I wasn't going to announce this publicly. I haven't spoken about it publicly. Me and Bekro have actually split up now and we are separating. However our tendency doesn't run out until April so I just wanted to put that in here. It's an emotional thing and I don't want to talk about it publicly. But yeah my Amazon wish list in the description are things that will help me out with a move of and it's massively appreciated. Thank you for anyone who watches this video and if you are struggling I really am sorry for what you're going to throw. Thank you for watching and I'll see you guys soon with a new video. Peace.


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. We'll start inshaAllah the program with the recitation of the Holy Qur'an and after that I'll start the live lecture. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Eight weeks ago I took a flight from Chicago to Amsterdam. I had just been in the United States for Fatima and had a great time there and met wonderful brothers and I was already looking forward to my next trip to the United States. What I did not know was how the world was going to look like in eight weeks time. In fact in six weeks transatlantic flights were cancelled. Businesses started to close down. Restaurants, cafes, even schools. Many businesses closed down. Even the shrines, the holy shrines in Iran were closed down and the doors to our local mosques were also closed down and many brothers and sisters are having a hard time when they cannot go to work. The small and medium enterprises are having a hard time. As a matter of fact opportunities come and opportunities go. Doors open and doors close. That is a part and parcel of life. The question is how do we deal with such a situation when the doors start to close? How do we deal with that? I've chosen the topic of this series of lectures that is going to be two lectures, one today and one tomorrow, when God opens closed doors. So what you are going to learn in this lecture in the next 40 or so minutes is the following. Number one, what is the fundamental principle about opening and closing of doors as described in the Quran? That will be the first part of the lecture. After that I will discuss what is the key to open closed doors. What does the Quran tell us how we can get the closed doors to open? And then in the third and the last part of this lecture I will talk about the role of Wasila in opening closed doors and in doing so I will also discuss a slightly different way of celebrating the birth anniversary of our master, our Maula Imam al-Hussain, peace be upon him. But before I proceed, wherever you are from the bottom of your heart, please recite a full of love salawat ala Muhammad wa ali Muhammad. In the beginning of this lecture I recited verse number two of Surah Fatar in which Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says its translation is what Allah grants from His mercy for the people, no one can withhold it and what Allah withholds after that no one can grant it and He is al-Azeez and al-Hakeem. This verse gives us a fundamental principle about opening and closing of the doors in our life. There are two key words that I want to discuss in this first part of this lecture. One is a yafttihu and the other is a rahmah. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that what He opens yafttihu, what He grants to the people, yafttihu, fatah, meftaah, mafatiha, these are all related words and they all have a meaning related to opening, removing difficulties, opening mots, opening the closed doors, unlocking the locks, removing confusions, removing pains, this is all related to fatah, yafttihu, mafatiha. You see we have a book mafatiha al-janan, it means keys to the heavens because a key opens the lock, it's called meftaah. So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that when He opens the doors then no one can close them. That is principle number one related to this fundamental principle. When Allah opens the doors then the one can close it no matter what people want. If someone wants to close the doors upon you they cannot do it once Allah has opened those doors and therefore one of the names of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is al-fatah, the one who opens the doors. The verse I recited ends with two divine names al-Azeez and al-Hakeem. One important principle in the Quran is that, understanding the Quran is that whenever a verse ends with a divine name that divine name has a very close connection with the key message being given in that verse. In this verse Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala talks about the opening of doors and ends the verse with al-Azeez al-Hakeem. So we have to understand the one who opens the doors what are the attributes that he has. Al-Azeez, usually al-Azeez is translated into English as the exalted one with might, the mighty one. Al-Azeez is related to a word in Arabic that is al-Azaz. For example al-Arab al-Azaz. Al-Arab al-Azaz is a land that is so hard that nothing can affect it, nothing can diffuse into it. And that's such a land is called al-Arab al-Azaz. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is so powerful. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, no one can affect him, no one can influence him. Therefore his name is al-Azeez and another definition of al-Azeez is al-Walibu ala Amr. The one who is in control of his affairs. And therefore he is the al-Fattah.  Therefore the Orafa, the Gnostics, they lay emphasis on this divine name. It is said that if someone recites the name of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, ya Fattah, 70 times after Fajr prayers, like having your right hand, put your right hand on your heart and recite 70 times ya Fattah, then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is going to open the doors for him or her. But by reciting a certain name, certain times or a certain dhikr, certain times, is no guarantee that your wish will definitely be fulfilled. Why is that so? It is often it happens that we are in troubles, we are in problems, and we recite certain things, we recite, we do Ahmal, we recite the dhikr, but our wishes are not fulfilled, they do not come true. It often happens. Why? Because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is not only al-Fattah and al-Azeez, he's also al-Hakeem, he's all wise. All his works are based on his eternal wisdom, which is rooted in his eternal knowledge. Therefore, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the holy book, who is the al-Fattah, who is also al-Azeem. Al-Azeem is the over-exaggerated form of al-Aleem. Al-Aleem means the one who has knowledge. Al-Aleem, who has all the knowledge, all knowledgeable, whose knowledge does not change, does not increase or decrease, whose knowledge is constant. Al-Aleem al-Fattah al-Aleem. Therefore, we keep praying, we keep doing dhikr, we keep reciting certain names, and still our wishes do not come true. Our problems do not go away because we cannot understand, we do not know when those problems should go away. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the holy book, wa asa an takrahu shay'an, wa hua khairul lakum, wa asa an tuhibbu shay'an, wa hua shabrul lakum, wa Allahu ja'alamu wa antum la ta'alamoon. I often there is a thing that you dislike, but it is good for you. And often there is a thing that you like, but it is bad for you. Wa Allahu ja'alamu wa antum la ta'alamoon. And Allah knows, but you do not know. Therefore, it often happens that we keep reciting certain prayers, we keep doing different dhikr, we keep doing different ahmal, but our wishes do not come true. The doors do not open, but that does not mean that we should give up. That does not mean that we should have despair of the mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, because the Imam is reported to have said that you should keep knocking on the door, because if you are persistent and keep knocking on the door, then one day the door will definitely open up. At this point, please recite as-salawat wherever you are. One of the challenges of doing live lectures is that it's very difficult. When you do not have an audience before you and you cannot interact with them. So I just hope and pray that Allah makes this lecture go well, and I can convey what I intended to, and He makes me convey that what I intended to convey to you, insha'Allah. So far what we have learned is that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the Al-Fattah because He is Al-Hakeem, He is Al-Azeez, and He is Al-Aalim. His power is rooted in His wisdom and in His knowledge, and this wisdom is a key. Al-Hakeem is a very key point here, because all of His acts or everything that happens in His Kingdom is based on the Divine Wisdom. Recently I saw a post that someone had shared that someone asked our great Marja Sayyid Sistani, may Allah protect him and prolong his life, that how should we look at the current circumstances, the COVID-19 and the coronavirus, and he gave a wonderful answer.  And Sayyid Sistani, it was written, reportedly said, and it was shared from one of the accounts operated by his office that he said that we should look at it as that everything that happens in the world is based on the Divine Wisdom, whether we can understand it or we cannot understand it. So that's why it is very important to keep reminding ourselves, keep reminding ourselves. And after that we should always, always turn to Allah no matter how we feel and how the doors open or not. And I would like to tell you a true Quranic story about a man, a prophet who was in a situation where it looked impossible in a very difficult situation and that is Prophet Junus, peace be upon him. And we all know the story of Prophet Junus, peace be upon him, that he was forced to leave the boat in the middle of the ocean and then as soon as he jumped out of the boat he was swallowed by a big fish, let's call it a whale, and it took it to the bottom of the sea and he is in the darkness and the inside the fish, inside the whale there is darkness and then the whale is at the bottom of the sea, there is darkness upon darkness upon darkness and in those darknesses he called out to Allah SWT, La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minal walimin, La ilaha illa anta. Therefore our Arafa put a lot of emphasis on this Zikr, Zikr Junusiyah. They say that whoever is stuck in life, whoever cannot get out of the darknesses, whoever cannot get out of the closed doors should recite this Zikr, with this Zikr the doors open and this Zikr we have to understand, the doors open when we recite things with an understanding and it has three elements, La ilaha illa anta.   Ustad Jawadi Amuli says that if someone has the belief, like the belief of Prophet Junus peace be upon him reciting this Zikr only once is sufficient to get out of the darknesses, to get the closed doors to open. So my brothers and sisters, we know all these things, you have heard these stories and you have heard that how we have to return resort to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, how we should have our hope in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. This is just a reminder, this is only a reminder and when we are having these live lectures we should just keep reminding ourselves things like this, this we have discussed before. Anyway moving on, the second part of the lecture is about the key, how the doors can be opened, what is the key that the Quran tells us will open the doors for us.  It is said that Zulehha wanted to seduce Prophet Jusuf peace be upon him, so one day she called him to her room and there were seven doors that led to her room and she had ordered her servant to lock all those doors behind Prophet Jusuf peace be upon him so that he could not escape. When she invited Prophet Jusuf peace be upon him to send Prophet Jusuf peace be upon him rejected her invitation and turned away and ran away and it is written in the books of Tafsir that when he ran away he would reach near the door and the lock will automatically itself miraculously break down and fall on the ground. One after the other, one after the other all seven doors opened for him. This opening of doors for Prophet Jusuf peace be upon him also has a metaphorical meaning. It also has a meaning that if someone turns away from sins Allah opens not only the physical doors in the form of the opportunities in life but also the spiritual doors. Therefore Allah says in the holy book, tells us what is the key to opening doors and that is When Allah says whoever has Taqwa, whoever has Taqwa Allah will create exit for him and will give him residual from there where he could not imagine and there are these two things. What is that exit? We look in the books of Tafsir there is a hadith that is attributed to Amirul Mu'minin peace be upon him. He is reported to have said that here exit means exit from the darknesses to the light exit from the ignorance towards the knowledge exit from shak towards Yaqeen. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala opens not only physical doors and gives the opportunities in life for those who have Taqwa but also he opens those doors that give us peace and knowledge the spiritual doors and they can only open when we resort to Taqwa but what is Taqwa? Taqwa usually is translated into English as fearing God but in fact it has a much deeper meaning. Taqwa means being vigilant of disobedience to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says the one who is vigilant of disobedience to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala then he creates exit for such a person. Please recite a salawat. The verse I recited in the beginning also says that Allah opens what Allah opens for for the people from his mercy what Allah opens for people grants the people from his mercy no one can stop it. Now here I want to discuss these two keywords nas and ar-rahmah. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala did not say what Allah opens for lil mu'mineen, lil muslimeen, lil rajal, lil nisa for the people from his mercy then no one can stop it and there is a key word here ar-rahmah and I want to explore it a little bit further ar-rahmah. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala he has his mercy that has a universal aspect and it also has an aspect that is related to the believers. When it comes to his universal aspect the universal aspect of his mercy that is for everyone for example the sun the sun shines for everyone the rain falls on everyone gravity all the universal laws of physics all these things are for everyone everyone benefits from them and this universal aspect of his mercy is manifested manifested in the form of these universal laws of physics and the sun and the moon and all those things and ar-rahmah is his name that is manifested by this universal aspect of his mercy therefore Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the Qur'an uses the word ar-rahmah in relation to the creation and in relation to things like the system the divine system the universal laws that govern Allah's system this universe for example Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says to not look at the birds above their heads who spread their wings and fold them no one can hold them but ar-rahmah what does this verse tell us this verse tells us that for example the birds are being held by ar-rahmah that universal aspect of his mercy due to which we for example walk on the ground because of the gravity and we breathe the air because of the oxygen and because of those universal laws of physics due to which the birds fly due to which the aeroplanes fly recently when I was going to the United States and I started to take the plane from Amsterdam and I for a second thought there is going to be a long flight above the Atlantic cold big fast Atlantic and I thought that is pretty amazing and I thought that this is a huge plane it has four engines and the pilots are very experienced so it is going to be a very good flight but still the thought can be scary when you have the Atlantic for hours under you and at that moment I thought what is in this is not the pilot who is going to fly this plane well yes he's going to fly the plane but he's the just a means it is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala who allows this plane to be flown in the air who allows this plane to stay in the air and that thought can be very comforting and that can give peace and it can give peace of heart and this ar-Rahman is also is manifested in the form of sending of the messengers and the sending of the Quran Torah in Jil all these are the universal aspects of his mercy that are for all the people all the mankind the Quran Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says this is a clear message for the mankind so this is the universal aspect of his mercy and here I want to talk about one important principle when it comes to his the universal aspect of his mercy and that is the system of causes and effects all these opening of doors and closing of doors and the diseases that come and the troubles that come in our lives and then diseases are cured all these things actually follow the divine system of causes and effects therefore some people say oh if you go to the shrine you should not become sick if you go to the holy kaba you will not become sick this is not true because I myself contracted swine flu in 2009 when I was on Hajj the thing is that when however the causes come together what are necessary for an effect to take place and that effect will come into existence now Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the cause of all causes causes so whenever all the causes come together the effect should come into existence unless Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala does not let that happen for example prophet ibrahim peace be upon him there was a lot of fire a lot of fuel a lot of air and big flames of fire but what happened it did not burn prophet ibrahim peace be upon him Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala took the effect of burning out of the fire out of the fire arrahman took the effect of burning out of the fire and therefore it said kuni bar dhan wa salama should cool down and become peaceful otherwise some mufassereen say that if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala did not order it to become salama then prophet ibrahim peace be upon him might have frozen to death because it would just become very cold the fire so the universal laws of physics govern the universe the system of causes and effects yes governs the universe but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is above those causes and effects the above those universal laws of physics and those who are his true servants those who are his representatives those who have the willaya to them Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala also pranks access to those universal laws of physics that are a manifestation of the name arrahman and therefore one day a man asked amir al mu'mineen he saw the amir al mu'mineen that he could not break a dry piece of bread and he asked amir al mu'mineen how did you pull the door of khyber you cannot even break a piece of bread the amir al mu'mineen said i did not pull the door of khyber with qawatul insanija i pulled it with qawatur rahmanija i pulled it with the qawat of arrahman the imam did not use any other name of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala did not say i pulled it with the qawat of rabb or ila arrahman perhaps perhaps this also means that those who are his wali Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants them to have access to those universal laws of physics that are a manifestation of the name arrahman that is the universal aspect of his mercy and whenever he gives that no one can stop it no one can stop gravity from functioning no one can stop the sun from shining no one can stop the oxygen in the air no one can stop that and also arrahman is the one who sends the prophets and the divine messages it's Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala just different names but it is the manifestation of his name arrahman and when he decides when he sends a prophet when he sends his mercy in the form of a prophet then no one can stop it the pharaoh we know the pharaoh tried his best to stop prophet moses peace be upon him would he do that no musa aley salam was born and not only he was born he was raised by the very pharaoh in his palace no one can stop when Allah's doors of mercy the doors of Allah's mercy open no one can stop it therefore if you go to a job interview then rely on Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala no matter how racist or biased the HR personnel or hiring manager is if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has opened the door of his mercy then they cannot do it they cannot close it they cannot do that any right wing extremist any right wing any white supremacist politician cannot close the doors on you if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has opened those doors however or at the same time if the doors have to be closed by him then no one can open them but him no matter how good you have prepared for the interview if the door is closed it is closed only he can open and this brings me to the second aspect of his mercy the second aspect of his mercy is not universal it is what we have to earn the universal aspect of his mercy you do not have to do anything to get that but the other aspect of his mercy we have to work for and that is is the manifestation of his name ar-rahim that is for the believers believing in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and doing certain things makes us earn that mercy and having taqwa is related to that having taqwa makes us earn that mercy and then the doors open then Allah creates the mahraj then Allah creates the exit that is the key here and when those exits he creates for us then they are they are also the spiritual exits those exits also open our hearts and when the doors of our hearts open what happens then the things that have been bothering us the things like anxieties the things like worries the things like thoughts that keep us awake at night they get out of the heart and peace comes into the heart and these things we have to remember in these times in these times when we are sitting behind closed doors at home and we have a relatively more time although we have some brothers and sisters are having a difficult time as I said in the beginning and inshaAllah I pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala creates ease for everyone and makes this disease to disappear from the face of the earth sooner than later and so that people can get back to their work and the doors of the businesses and the restaurants and cafes and the salons and the schools all those doors open but this is also an opportunity for us not to forget that he is the alfattar he will open the door there is no one who has effect no one who has the effect in the creation there is a very important principle of Islamic theology there is no one who is more than who has effect in the existence but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala it is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala who puts the effect into medicine is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala who puts the effect into technology this Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala I have just explained how he made the fire to cool down despite all the causes being present there he is the muathir so while we should really have hopes and we should look forward to the scientists to the doctors and the experts that they will find cure they will find the vaccine yes they are just means they are just the means the real effect comes from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala whenever he opens the door whenever he opens the door then someone will discover someone will discover the cure someone will discover the vaccine the last piece of the puzzle will fall into place when he opens the door when he opens the door please recite a salawat and as I just said that the doctors and the scientists they're all the wasila wasila it brings me to the last part of the lecture about the wasila the role of the wasila in opening of doors one wasila we just discussed the doctors and the scientists they're also a means but here the wasila in islamic theology means a means of seeking nanness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says he says to the believers find seek a means of nanness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala seek the means of nanness but there is a condition for that and the condition is to have taqwa the second part of the lecture the key to opening of doors is taqwa and also the wasila requires taqwa Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says have taqwa and seek means of nanness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so if imam hussain peace be upon him is our wasila to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala then we have to have the taqwa without that wasila it's not going to be of much benefit and there are hadesis the hadesis that tell us that we have to have the taqwa the one who is really to whom their wilayah the wilayah of the ahlul bayt will reach is with amal with action and with the taqwa staying away from sinning in these days when many people are sitting at home what's happening in that there is a danger that people also not the believers not the believers in general but end up looking at indecent things looking at haram things looking at haram movies all those things on netflix and everywhere on youtube and i recently read a news which is a very very sad news what a sad state of affairs we have in this world that a very indecent indecent website has just announced that for one full month they are going to give free access to their extremely indecent and i'm not going to mention their name because we are in a sacred setting they're going to give free access to all italians for 30 days to that indecent website this is the state of affairs we have my brothers and sisters in this world instead of bringing people closer to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in these circumstances instead of reminding them to about allah subhanahu wa ta'ala this is what everybody these these indecent companies are trying to capitalize on the situation so that for 30 days first of all people will commit a lot of sense by looking at indecent things and then they will also become addicted to those things and after that it will not be free anymore so we as believers as followers of imam hussain peace be upon him have to be also vigilant not to start looking at things in in these days when we have relatively more time at home and looking at things that are indecent so on or listening to haram things looking at haram things indulging in those kind of activities i wouldn't speak more about it the wasila wasila has a condition of taqwa but wasila why is wasila what is wasila what is wasila i will quickly go through this before wrapping up this lecture because we already spent about 40 minutes wasila allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has a sunnah he gives things to human beings through the wasila sometimes we know the wasila sometimes we do not know the wasila he has the system wasila is the one who is connected to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and also to the human beings wasila is like the one who is a two-sided mirror and one side of the mirror reflects the names of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and the other side of the mirror reflects the attributes of human beings that's a simple definition of wasila in our theology they are human beings when they reflect the human attributes they feel pain they feel hunger they become tired they become ill they need food they need sleep that's the human side and the other side that reflects allah's attributes allah's names is that when they become a reflection of a manifestation of ar-rahman they pull the door of khaybar and when they become when they are the manifestation of allah's mercy they forgive their enemies they have mercy on all the creatures of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala this is a very simple definition of wasila and we do not have times that i can go into details and in the beginning it was difficult to get started with this lecture so i have to wrap it up today when we celebrate the birth anniversary of imam hussein peace be upon him i said in the beginning that i will speak about a slightly different way of celebrating the birth anniversary of our master our maula imam hussein peace be upon him talking about taqwa vigilance of disobedience to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows that everyone has been disobedient to all the people who are not infallible ordinary people in one way or other have been sometime disobedient to him there is no exception there is no exception it is the only the infallible ones who are obedient to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the true sense so on this day as we celebrate the birth anniversary of imam hussein peace be upon him we should turn to him and we should ask him our wasila and we should say to him is taqwa fir lanaam you seek repentance for us just like the brothers of prophet jusuf peace be upon him when they showed remorse and they came to their father prophet jahub peace be upon him and said ya abana is taqwa fir lana our father please you seek forgiveness from allah subhanahu wa ta'ala on our behalf you do istaghfar for us and then prophet jahub peace be upon him said yes soon i will do istaghfar for you then why shouldn't we turn to imam hussein peace be upon him in these days when doors are closed upon us many of the doors and we should turn to him and say oh imam hussein our master our maula you accept us with all our mistakes because we are ready we are ready to leave all that behind you accepted horror on the day of ashura now today is the day i'm not going to recite the eulogy i'm not it's just a slightly different way of celebrating the birth anniversary of imam hussein al-islam we cut cakes we cooked the zaraba and we cook all the sweets and we recite happy poetry and we should do that but we should also use this opportunity and say to imam hussein al-islam we also want to become like your horror on your birthday in iran they say some of my iranian teachers call me and send messages they they said today is eid you should get eidi from the imam so we should ask the imam to give us the eidi and the eidi is that he should accept us just like he accepted horror and he should get us forgiveness from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so that we can start our life with more peace with more reliance on Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala with more trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and we call out to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the morning and say you open the closed doors all the closed doors for us for the sake of imam hussein peace be upon him for the sake of prophet Muhammad and his progeny peace be upon them all we pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that he accepts this effort it was not easy to do this live lecture i have tried my best i'm not used to doing live sessions i hope that he made me convey what i wanted to convey and we pray to him that he makes it easy for the world let's pray for all the italians let's pray for all the spaniards let's pray for all the pakistanis for all the iranians for all the british it does not matter what nationality what background what ethnicity let's pray for the human beings oh our lord we are short-sighted we cannot understand your wisdom you have made mercy obligatory upon yourself oh our lord you have yourself said in the Quran your lord has made mercy obligatory upon himself and Allah be pleased with him he says that this verse means that nothing happens in the world but it is a manifestation of Allah's mercy but we have limited intellect we have a superficial understanding of your kingdom or Allah your creation we cannot understand we cannot understand your mercy how how things happen how things manifest your mercy so we pray to you oh lord you show us that which our limited brains perceive as your mercy and eradicate this disease eradicate this virus sooner than later for the sake of prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and his progeny so that the doors to the shrines can open again so that the doors to our mosques that we have been taking for granted we have been unfortunately taking your house oh lord for granted but now we have realized how important that is for us so that the doors to our mosques will open soon


By now, we've talked about how to make more power and put that power to the ground to go faster. Now, we need to talk about putting that stop to that go. So today, we're talking brakes. I'm Emmy here again, and welcome to another episode of Cobb U. Now, it's really a no-brainer, but as we increase acceleration and top speed, we really need to consider upgrading our braking system to accommodate for that extra performance. Now, how we go about upgrading our braking system is strictly dependent on how you use your car. Before we get into those uses, let's go over the components that make up the braking system. For today's demonstration, we'll be using a generic brake system, so some of the components may or may not apply to your system. The components we're going to talk about are your brake master cylinder, your brake lines, brake fluid, your rotors, calipers, and brake pads. The brake master cylinder contains brake fluid, and it's connected to the brakes through these lines. Now, when you step on the brake pedal, the fluid inside flows down to the brakes to apply the pressure needed to slow and stop the car. Now, although brake fluid is pretty simple to understand, there are many different types. The brake lines are connected to the calipers, which hold the brake pads. Now, the calipers are connected over the rotors, which rotate the wheel hub. The brake pads are what actually come in contact with the rotors to create the friction to slow or stop. That's come in a variety of materials that can affect braking power, noise, and debris. Now that we understand the components, let's see how they all work together. When the brake pedal is applied, it pushes a piston in the master cylinder to create pressure in the brake fluid throughout the brake line. The brake line is connected to the caliper, which has pistons of its own. The pressurized fluid in the caliper pushes the pistons out, in turn pressing the pads against the rotor. This friction between these parts is what helps reduce your speed. When you lift off the brake pedal, pressure behind the piston is reduced. This minimizes the friction of the pad against the rotor until you press the brake again. So that's braking in a nutshell. Now that you have a better understanding of how your car's braking system works, let's look at some of the individual components and go over when you would want to upgrade them. The primary areas we're going to look at are brake lines, fluid, pads, and rotors. Creating your brake lines is a great opportunity to do some preventative maintenance and increase your brake system's performance. Now, your stock brake lines are going to be rubber, which are perfectly fine for normal driving conditions. However, if you're going to be taking your car to the track, pushing it to the limit, building up heat, that can cause them to expand and swell, causing a decrease in brake feel and possible failure. This is where performance stainless steel brake lines come into play. In these conditions, these upgraded brake lines can handle the added pressures and temperatures that the brake system's going to face. Now keep in mind when you upgrade your brake lines, during the install you're going to introduce air into the system and you're going to need to perform a bleed of the brake system. For more information on bleeding your brake lines, visit the extra credit below. With heavy use, the fluid can boil inside the caliper. Just like with any other boiling fluid, gas is a byproduct. Now the only thing that we want in our brake lines is fluid, no air, no gas. So if you're in there changing the lines, bleeding the system, this is a good time to upgrade your fluid, because some fluids can handle heat better than others. Now the OEM fluid is perfectly fine for normal driving conditions. However, if you're going to be hitting your brakes often and hard, you might want to consider upgrading. Now let's talk pads and rotors. Now for the typical daily driver or performance car that already comes with awesome brakes from the factory, you're not going to need a bespoke eight-piston caliber setup that's going to put a race team to shame. It's going to be a waste of time and money, and truthfully that Grand Caravan isn't going to see the track anytime soon, and you already have badass brakes on the McLaren. But it isn't always that clear cut. For example, let's take a 2015 Subaru WRX and an STI. They're similar cars that could both end up on the track. On one hand, minor upgrades like brake lines and pads as all the STI needs for a hard day at the track. On the other hand, the WRX, if you're going to be driving it seriously, it's going to need something more like a fully upgraded big brake kit, because upgraded lines and pads just aren't going to cut it. There's a lot of pads out there from stock style pads with a long life, but fall short on performance, to all-out track spec pads. It's really important to educate yourself on the pros and cons of brake pads because you want to find the right ones that fit your needs. When it comes to rotors, there are many options and features to consider. The two types you'll see will be vented, where the middle of the rotor has vents to aid with cooling, and solid rotors with no venting. Most modern cars feature four-wheel disc brakes with vented rotors in the front and solid rotors in the rear, since the rear doesn't contribute as much to overall braking. As far as rotor surfaces go, it used to be that drilled and slotted were the B's knees. They provided exceptional venting of gases that build up from all the friction going on, and it didn't hurt that they also looked pretty cool. Over time, though, it was discovered that those holes drilled into the rotors created stress points that made the rotors susceptible to premature failure. Thanks to advances made in the friction material used in today's brake pads, slotted rotors without drilling are the go-to choice, because you get the same performance without the risk. Many people will find that these upgrades together will greatly increase their car's braking capability. The biggest thing to take away from this episode is that it's important to upgrade your brakes based on your car's goals. If you're going to bump up the power, you need to make sure that the braking system is up to the task. You don't want to rely on a wall to stop you from triple-digit speeds. One more thing to consider, tires. Yes, tires. At the end of the day, that's the only thing making contact with the street.   Lastly, when doing this type of part install, you will generally use these kinds of tools, ratchets and sockets, wrenches, screwdrivers, pliers, pad spreader or C-clamps, and brake cleaner. And now it's time for the pro tip of the day. Bedding in the brakes. No, you're not taking your brakes to dinner or putting them in bed and reading them a bedtime story. Bedding in is the process of depositing an even amount of brake pad material across the rubbing surface of the rotor disk. Now I emphasize even because uneven pad deposit on the rotor face is a big contributor to brake shutter or vibration. The process for pad bedding will usually depend on the type of pad you choose, but the process will usually consist of a series of stops under hard braking, but not too hard that you lock them up, followed by a cool down period. Most pad companies will actually provide you with the proper instructions on how to do this since it may vary from pad to pad. Once you've performed the necessary amount of stops, you're set and your brakes are ready to go. That's gonna do it for this episode. Thanks for joining us and be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can check out future episodes. I'm Emmy, your host for CobbU. Remember, check out Cobbtuning.com for all your parts and tuning needs. Do you like the storage solutions featured in our studio? Then visit sonictoolsusa.com to get more detailed product information.