Chapter 13 of Manners and Rules. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Jennifer Painter. Manners and Rules. Chapter 13. Dinner giving and dining out. Dinner giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances therefore dinner parties rank first amongst all entertainments. Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of an equivalent that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the category of diners out. This rule however is open to many exceptions in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of society whose presence at dinner parties is appreciated and welcomed in most circles. Dinner parties are of more frequent occurrence and are of more social significance than any other form of entertainment. Dinner invitations. An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of esteem or friendship and cordiality towards the guest invited than is conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering it being the highest compliment socially speaking that is offered by one person to another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged which in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities. The Orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of wealth and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Often than not the former rather overweights the latter hence the introduction of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose metiae in life it is to be amusing and to appear amused. Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in society by the dinner giver but it is also a direct road to obtaining a recognised place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to fashionable society. Dinner giving in the fullest sense of the word is a science not easily acquired so much depending on the talent which the host or hostess may possess for organising dinner parties. When a large dinner party is contemplated it is usual to give three weeks notice but of late this notice has been extended to four, five and even six weeks. Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges them to remain in town and as it were controls their movements for the acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding obligation only ill health, family bereavement or some all important reason justifies it being set on one side or otherwise abated. Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment are not often retained on the dinner list of a host or hostess. Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess the master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his guests when dispensing hospitality as a dinner giver. From five to ten days notice is considered sufficient for invitations to small and unceremonious dinner parties. Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations and can be purchased from any station these cards only required to be filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests date hour and address. The United Names of the host and hostess should be written in the space left for that purpose. Thus Mr and Mrs A and the name or names of the guests in the next vacant space. When invitations are issued for small dinner parties it is more usual to write notes than to make use of printed cards. Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so as a hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited intends dining with her or not and is consequently unable to fill up the vacant space with an eligible substitute. Thus rendering her dinner party an ill-assorted one. An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note. It is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner. Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess. It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family. It is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to dinner parties. Receiving dinner guests. The guests should arrive within 15 minutes of the hour named on the invitation card. On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining out. Formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests but now punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles and dinner is served within 20 minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In general people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in good time but there are many in society who presume upon their position and are proverbially unpunctual knowing that in the height of the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to dinner without them. But this want of consideration soon becomes known in their different sets and is always taken into account when their company is requested at dinner. In France it is not the rule or the custom to wait dinner for late arrivals and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the invitation. The dinner hour varies from 8 to 9 although perhaps 8 30 is the most usual hour in the country it ranges from 7 30 to 8 30. Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served. The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in the drawing room at the hour specified on the card. On arrival a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak room or should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance before entering the drawing room. A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentleman's cloak room or in the hall. At large dinner parties the butler is stationed on the staircase and announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner parties or where only one man's servant is kept the servant proceeds the guest or guests on their arrival to the drawing room. The guest should then give their names to the servant that he may announce them. A lady and gentleman on being announced should not enter the drawing room arm in arm or side by side. The lady or ladies with more than one should enter the room in advance of the gentleman although the servant announces Mr, Mrs and Miss A. The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves but gentleman either stand about the room and talk to each other or sit down after a wait of some minutes. When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present she should not make her way at once to shake hands with all but should make an opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner. It would be sufficient to recognise them by a nod or a smile in the meantime. A lady should bow to any gentleman she knows and he should cross the room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged. At a small dinner party where the guests are unacquainted the hostess should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other but at a large dinner party she would not do so unless she had some special reason for making the introduction. In the country introductions at dinner parties are far off and are made than in town. Presidency is strictly observed at all dinner parties. See chapter five. Sending guests into dinner The host should take the lady of highest rank present into dinner and the gentleman of highest rank should take the hostess. This rule is absolute unless the lady or gentleman of highest rank is related to the host or hostess in which case his or her rank would be in abeyance out of courtesy to the other guests. A husband and wife or a father and daughter or a mother and son should not be sent into dinner together. A host and hostess should if possible invite an equal number of ladies and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there are ladies in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go into dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus Mrs A and Mr B, Mr B and Mrs A. Mrs B should be taken into dinner by Mr C and Mr A should take Mrs G and so on. When ladies are in a majority at a dinner party to the extent of two or three the ladies of highest rank should be taken into dinner by the gentleman present and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves. But such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable although sometimes unavoidable when the dinner party is an impromptu one for instance and the notice given has been but a short one. If there should be one gentleman short of the number required the hostess frequently goes into dinner by herself following in the wake of the last couple. The usual mode of sending guests into dinner is for the host or hostess to inform each gentleman shortly after his arrival which of the ladies he is to take into dinner. No choice is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would prefer taking into dinner it being simply a question of precedency. Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should follow the host to the dining room the hostess knowing the precedency due to each of her guests should indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend to the dining room. He should then offer his arm to the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take into dinner. Dinner is announced by the butler or man servant. When the guests have arrived or when the host desires dinner to be served he should ring or inform the servant accordingly. On dinner being announced the host should give his right arm to the lady of highest rank present and with her lead the way to the dining room followed by the lady second in rank with a gentleman second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should follow last with the hostess. When the second couple are about to leave the drawing room the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with the lady according to the precedency due to each. Thus Mr A will you take Mrs B? This also answers the purpose of an introduction should the couple be unacquainted with each other and the hostess has not found an opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival. When a case of presidency occurs in which either the lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady. See chapter 5 A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the drawing room. Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining room in silence but should at once enter into conversation with each other. See the work entitled the art of conversing. On entering the dining room the lady whom the host has taken into dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the continent this custom is reversed and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken into dinner. The host should remain standing in his place at the bottom of the table until the guests have taken their seats and should motion the various couples as they enter the dining room to the places he wishes them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing the guests at a dinner table. When the host does not indicate where they are to sit they sit near to the host or hostess according to precedency. The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish their guests to occupy at the dinner table. If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished them to occupy the result would probably be that husbands and wives would be seated side by side or uncongenial people would sit together. The customer putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at large dinner parties and in some instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover. The host and the lady taken into dinner by him should sit at the bottom of the table. He should sit in the center at the bottom of the table and place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule applies to the hostess. She should sit in the center at the top of the table the gentleman by whom she has been taken into dinner being placed at her left hand. The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand. Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken into dinner. It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman who have gone into dinner together converse with each other only or with their right and left hand neighbors also but they usually find some topic of conversation in common. Otherwise a dinner party would prove but a succession of tatatate. The menus are placed the length of the table on an average one to two persons or occasionally one to each person. And the menu cards are elaborate or simple according to individual taste and are purchased printed for the purpose having a space for the names of the dishes to be filled in which is usually done by the mistress of the house unless the establishment is on a large scale it being usual to write them out in French. Fancyful menu holders are much in use. The use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner party where there is but little choice of dishes but when there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable. The usual and fashionable mode of serving dinner is called dinner à la rousse although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the joint himself in the first course and the birds in the second course. But dinner tables whether for dining à la rousse or for dining en famille are invariably arranged in the same style the difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards flowers, plate and glass which are the accessories of the dining table. When the host helps the soup a small ladle full for each person is the proper quantity a soup plate should not be filled with soup. When the party is a small one and the joints or birds are carved by the host the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which they are seated although occasionally the ladies are helped before the gentleman. The rule at all dinner parties is for the servant to commence serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand then to the lady seated at the host's left hand and from thence the length of the table to each guest in the order seated irrespective of sex. Double entrees should be provided at large dinner parties and the servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table simultaneously. Diner à la rousse is the Russian fashion introduced into society many years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side table no dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit. Dinner table decorations as regards the most correct style of dinner table decorations they offer great diversity of arrangement. High centrepieces and low centrepieces low specimen glasses place the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the table cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day but table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of etiquette and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner giver. The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner tables are also adorned with a variety of French conceits besides fruit and flowers. Other dinner tables are decorated with flowers and plate only. The dessert not being placed on the table at all but this latter mode can only be adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in the place of fruit as regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is now in general use in town and more or less in the country when possible. When not available lamps and wax candles are used as here to pour. The shades in use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver candlesticks are often fitted with small electric lamps and handsome silver lamps are brought into use in a similar manner for the dinner table. The term cover signifies the place laid at table for each person. It consists of a tablespoon for soup, fish knife and fork, two knives, two large forks and glasses for wines given. For such arrangements see chapter waiting at dinner in the work entitled waiting at table. Sherry is always drunk after soup, hawk with the fish after the soup. Champagne is drunk immediately after the first entree has been served and during the remainder of dinner until dessert. Claret, Sherry, Port and Madeira are the wines drunk at dessert and not champagne as it is essentially a dinner wine. When the cures are given they are handed after the ices. Dinner table etiquette. Soup should be eaten with a tablespoon and not with a dessert spoon. It would be out of place to use a dessert spoon for that purpose. Dessert spoons, as their name implies, are intended for other purposes, custard puddings etc or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be eaten with a fork. Fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible, otherwise with a silver fish knife and fork. All made dishes such as quenelles, risols, patties etc should be eaten with a fork only and not with a knife and fork. For sweet breads and cutlets etc a knife and fork are requisite and as a matter of course for poultry game etc. In eating asparagus a knife and fork should be used and the points should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is sea kale etc. Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork. It is served on salad plates which are placed beside the dinner plates.  Peas should be eaten with a fork. In eating game or poultry the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers but the meat cut off close to the bone and if a wing it is better to sever it at the joint by which means the meat is cut off far more easily. Pastry should be eaten with a fork but in the case of a fruit tart a dessert spoon should be used as well as a fork but only for the purpose of conveying the fruit and juice to the mouth and in the case of stone fruit cherries damsons plums etc either the dessert spoon or fork should be raised to the lips to receive the stones which should be placed at the side of the plate but when the fruit stones are of larger size they should be separated from the fruit with the fork and spoon and left on the plate and not put into the mouth and whenever it is possible to separate the stones from the fruit it is best to do so. Jellies, blomanges, ice puddings etc should be eaten with a fork as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial to admit of it. When eating cheese small morsels of the cheese should be placed with a knife on small morsels of bread and the two conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger the piece of bread being the morsel to hold as cheese should not be taken up in the fingers and should not be eaten off the point of the knife. The finger glass should be removed from the ice plate and placed on the left hand side of the dessert plate. When ices are not given the doily should be removed with the finger glass and placed beneath it. When eating grapes the half-closed hand should be placed to the mouth and the stones and skins allowed to fall into the fingers and placed on the side of the plate. Some persons bend the head so as to allow of the stones and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate but this latter way is old-fashioned and seldom followed. Cherries and other small stone fruit should be eaten in the way grapes are eaten also gooseberries. When strawberries and raspberries etc are not eaten with cream they should be eaten from the stalks. When eaten with cream a dessert spoon should be used to remove them from the stalks. When served in the American fashion without stalks both fork and spoon should be used. Pairs and apples should be peeled and cut into halves and quarters with a fruit knife and fork as should peaches, nectarines and apricots. Melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork. Pines with knife and fork. The dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which the dinner has been served. When the guests have been helped to wine and the servants have left the dining room the host should pass the decanters to his guests commencing with the gentleman nearest to him. It is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with each other either at dinner or dessert and the guest fills his glass or not according to inclination. Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of wine at dessert and passing the decanters is principally for the gentleman. If a lady should require a second glass of wine at dessert the gentleman seated next to her would fill her glass she should not help herself to wine. After the wine has been passed once around the table or about 10 minutes after the servants have left the dining room the hostess should give the signal for the ladies to leave the dining room by bowing to the lady of highest rank present seated at the host's right hand. She should then rise from her seat as should all the ladies on seeing her do so. The gentleman should rise also and remain standing by their chairs until the ladies have quitted the room which they should do in the order in which they have entered it the lady of highest rank leading the way the hostess following last. The host or gentleman nearest the door should open it for the ladies to pass out and close it after them. When the ladies have left the dining room the gentleman should close up as near to the host as possible so as to render conversation general. The wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are clarity of a fine quality and port. The ladies on leaving the dining room return to the drawing room coffee should be almost immediately brought to the drawing room the coffee cups containing coffee should be brought on a silver salver with a cream jug and a basin of crystallized sugar. In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a silver coffee pot and the lady would then pour out her own coffee the servant holding the salver the meanwhile. Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining room and either handed to the gentleman or placed on the table that they may help themselves see the work previously referred to. A very general plan is after the wine has gone round once or twice for the host to offer cigarettes which are smoked before the gentleman join the ladies in the drawing room. After coffee the gentleman of highest rank should leave the dining room first. The host would not propose an adjournment to the drawing room until he observed a wish to do so on the part of his guests but there is no hard and fast rule on this head. It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their wine beyond 15 or 20 minutes at the upmost instead of as formally from three quarters of an hour to an hour a change much appreciated by hostesses. On the continent the gentleman accompany the ladies to the drawing room and do not remain in the dining room as in England. The gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an adjournment to the drawing room within a quarter of an hour if he thought proper to do so. If the other guests were engaged in a discussion in which he did not wish to take part having suggested the adjournment he could leave the dining room to join the ladies in the drawing room but as a rule the gentleman leave the dining room together the host following last. The host should ring the dining room bell before leaving the room as an intimation to the butler that the gentleman have left the room. At ceremonious dinner parties in town neither music nor cards are introduced during the usual half hour passed in the drawing room before the hour for departure. At country house dinner parties music or round games of cards are in request. Departure after dinner. There is no rule as to the order in which the guests should take their leave. Half past 10 is the usual hour for general departure and the butler announces the several carriages as they arrive to the guests in the drawing room. But if any lady wished to inquire if her carriage had arrived she should ask for hostess's permission to do so and the bell would be rung for the purpose of making the inquiry. The same remark applies to ordering a cab. The lady should ask the hostess if one might be ordered for her. The hostess should shake hands with all her guests on their departure rising from her seat to do so. Each guest on departure should shake hands with both host and hostess. If on leaving the room acquaintances should pass each other they should wish each other good night but they should not make the tour of the room for the purpose of so doing. The host should conduct one or two of the principal of his lady guests to their carriages. The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloakroom the host waiting in the hall meanwhile. A gentleman related to the host or hostess or friend of the family could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if the host were otherwise engaged. Gratuities should never be offered by the guests at a dinner party to the servants in attendance. Gentlemen should not offer fees to the men's servants neither should ladies to the ladies made in attendance. The guests should call on the hostess within a week or 10 days after a dinner party. If not at home a married lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her husbands. A widow should leave one of her own cards, a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards. The rule as to calling after dinner parties is greatly relaxed between intimate friends and the call often omitted all together and this more particularly as regards gentlemen whose occupations during the day are considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling. Country dinner parties in the country new acquaintances if neighbours should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call if possible and the return invitation should be given within the following month. When guests are assembled at a country house they are sent into dinner on the first evening according to their individual precedence but on subsequent evenings the gentleman frequently draw lots to decide which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking into dinner otherwise a lady and gentleman would go into dinner together five or six consecutive times according to the length of the visit but this is more a practice with people who march with the times than with what are termed old-fashioned people. When a party is varied by additional dinner guests each evening drawing lots gives way to precedency it being too familiar a practice to be adopted of a large dinner party. Saying grace both before and after dinner is a matter of feeling rather than a etiquette it used to be very much the custom to say grace but of late years it is often omitted than not especially at large dinner parties in town. In the country when a clergyman is present he should be asked to say grace when grace is said by the host it is said in a low voice and in a very few words the guests inclining their heads the while. It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras no polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest to do to put knives in the salt to dip fingers into plates or to spread butter with the thumb. On the contrary these things righted themselves little by little step by step until the present code of manners was arrived at but it is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the present century offered wide scope for improvements. In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular eccentric old-fashioned unconventional or any other adjective that the temper of their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solicisms either small or great. Married ladies as a rule dine out with their husbands and do not accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to accompany them. There are of course exceptions to this rule and circumstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed but even in this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather than large ones. During any temporary absence of her husband a lady would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends though she might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances but as a rule when it is well known that the head of a house is away for any length of time invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of large dinners. When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father mother or brother but occasionally when a young lady's party is given by a friend of their parents the young ladies are invited alone and they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's carriage. End of chapter 13. Chapter 14 of manners and rules. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. Manners and rules. Chapter 14. Dinner table etiquette. Fashion has its freaks and its vagaries and in relation to inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent but when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations slight as they are are more subtle than sudden and paradoxical as it may seem they are as important as they are insignificant. Still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did duty for forks and that it was not customary for a host to supply his guests with forks who if fastidious enough to require them were expected to bring them in their pockets. There are here and there people in society who affect a few eccentricities of manner but these whims at all times take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities and even then are only indulged in by those whose position in society is secure. As regards dinner table etiquette. When a lady has taken her seat at the dinner table she should at once remove her gloves. Although occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner but this is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on the right or left hand side of the cover when taking it from the serviette. A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread placing the one across his knees and the other at his right or left hand. When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves she should remove her serviette before doing so. Otherwise a servant would offer her soup before she had made room for the soup plate by removing the serviette and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her she will take so as not to keep the servant waiting and so on through every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc. The guests should consult the menu on first sitting down to dinner. Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin. In these days no one drinks soup. It is eaten. Whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne it is eaten out of a soup plate at dinner and with a tablespoon. There is a reason for this choice of spoons. Soup is nothing if it is not hot and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to each person it is eaten quicker and therefore hotter with a large spoon than with a small one. There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup being given in lieu of large ones vis the extent of the menu and when a plate full of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply he fears that he is expected to dine off it and that there is nothing much to follow. Again small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup than plates that are half full. At bowl suppers when soup is served in soup plates it is also eaten with a tablespoon but not when served in small cups. Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of bread. Previous to this a table knife and fork were considered the proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish and a crust of bread was substituted for the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable time in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the plate and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for that crust of bread. One evening a well-known diner out discarded his crust of bread and ate his fish with two silver forks. This notion found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took up a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver fish knife and fork which are now in general use. Small pieces of fish should always be given and two different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate. When oysters are given they precede the soup and should be eaten with a diner fork, not with a fish fork. In eating oysters the shell should be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand. The oysters should not be cut but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, while others refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat them. Perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. Some men are very, if not over, fastidious about the appetites displayed by ladies and would have them reject the entrees and dine upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on the contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of good health and good digestion. There is, of course, a medium in all things, and as large dinners are ordered, mainly with a view to please the palates of men with Epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given, but should rather select the plainest on the menu. This remark more particularly applies to young ladies and young married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please without provoking comment or even observation. With reference to entrees, some are eaten with a knife and fork, others with a fork only. All entrees that offer any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, filet de boeuf, sweet breads, etc. But when whistles, patties, canella, boneless curry, volavon, tambal, etc. are eaten, the fork only should be used. In the case of the lighter entrees, the contact of the knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavor. Thus, for these, bonbouche, the fork is all sufficient wherewith to divide and eat them. The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck, should never be given to a guest, save on those occasions when there are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these circumstances, the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should be given. Thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone. But this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist and dexterity, should the bird not be in its première jeunesse. As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of cutting it. The bird should not be turned over and over on the plate or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux pigeons are not as a rule eaten, and half a bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing. Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second-course delicacy of this description. A little chicken or pheasant, on the contrary, is usually accepted by them. When large potatoes are served in their skins, a salad plate should be handed at the same time whereon to place them. When asparagus first comes into season, it is often given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or poultry, it should be eaten on the same plate containing either. In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with a knife and fork. Sea kale also is given in the second course when first in season and should be eaten with a knife and fork. Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork. It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad or who are in the habit of traveling on the continent are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are well bred men. Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat. They are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable. The outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves which surround the heart or head of the artichoke should be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry. Epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel, but at dinner parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these artichokes. Savories, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use. As regards sweets, cornpult, a fruit and fruit tarts, should be eaten with a dessert spoon and fork as should those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert spoon necessary, but whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always better to do so. Jellies, creams, blanche, ice puddings, etc should be eaten with a fork. As a matter of course young ladies do not eat cheese at dinner parties. End of section 14 Read by The Story Girl Chapter 15 of Manners and Rules This is a labor box recording. All labor box recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit laborbox.org. Manners and Rules Chapter 15 Evening Parties Evening parties are styled receptions or at-homes according to the number of guests invited. In official and political circles they are invariably styled receptions, but when given on a smaller scale in general society they are styled at-homes. Invitations to evening parties should be issued on at-home cards. The name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card at the right hand corner. The words at-home being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation. The day and date beneath the words at-home, the hour beneath the date. The address should be printed at the bottom of the card. When music is to be given it should be mentioned on the at-home card. Thus, music. The hour varies from 10 to 11 o'clock. In private circles 10 or 1030 is the usual hour. In official circles 1030 or 11 o'clock. When a foreign royal personage is expected, or a foreigner of distinction, or a personage possessing public interest. The words to meet her serene highness princess D, or to meet Count C, should be written at the top of the invitation cards. When a reception or at-home follows a dinner party given by the hostess, it is not usual to provide any special amusement for the guests. But when an at-home does not follow a dinner party, it is usual to provide some sort of amusement for the guests, such as professional vocal or instrumental music. The guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to an hour of the time mentioned on the invitation card, although it is optional when they do so. Receiving the guests. The hostess should receive her guests at the head of the staircase, where she usually remains until the principal of her guests have arrived. While the host welcomes the guests in the drawing room itself, receptions or at-homes usually terminate shortly before 1 o'clock. Save on Saturdays, when the hour of departure is 12 o'clock precisely. Making introductions. A hostess should use her own discretion as regards making introductions. When a royal personage is present, the most distinguished of the guests should be presented by the host or hostess. When a celebrity is present, introductions should also be made. And as regards general introductions, they should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient to do so. And the principal guests, when unacquainted, should be introduced to each other when the opportunity occurs. Going in to supper. The host should take the lady of highest rank into supper. When a royal princess is present, the host should take her into supper. When a royal prince is present, he should take the hostess into supper. See Chapter 5. It is optional whether the hostess follows with the gentle man of highest rank present, unless a foreign prince is present, when she should follow the host. And in the case of a royal prince being present, she should proceed the host. When a royal prince or princess or a serene highness is present, a table should be set apart for the host and hostess and royal party. And any among the guests whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at supper. When the supper room is not sufficiently large to accommodate the whole of the guests at the same time, the most distinguished guests should go in first. When the host is informed that supper is served, he should tell the principal gentle man present which of the ladies he wishes them to take into supper, and should himself lead the way with the lady of highest rank present. The hostess should also assist in sending the principal guests into supper. And when the general company observed the move towards the supper room, they should follow in the same direction. When the general company are apparently not aware that the supper room is open, the hostess should ask the various gentle men to take the ladies into supper, and should herself lead the way with one of the gentlemen. When the general company find the supper room crowded, they should return to the drawing room for a quarter of an hour or so, but the hostess should arrange for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence when supper is first served. So as to occupy the attention of the guests who remain in the drawing room, the guests frequently do not return to the drawing room after supper, but go to the cloak room for their cloaks and wraps, and thence to their carriages. It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at receptions. Royal guests present. When a royal personage is present, the host should conduct her to her carriage. When a foreign prince is present, the host should accompany him to the hall door. Tea and light refreshments should be served during the evening in the library or in an adjacent apartment. Supper should be served at 12 o'clock in the dining room and should be similar in character to a ball supper. Invitations to bridge parties are issued on at-home cards when the guests' number upwards of 40, and on visiting cards when a lesser number is invited. The invitation form is Mrs. A at home in both instances. The day, date, and hour are put beneath the words at home, and bridge in the corner of the cards opposite the address. The usual hour for holding these evening receptions is 9 o'clock p.m., which allows of three hours play before midnight. The guests arrive very punctually, rather before than after the hour named on the invitation cards. The guests comprise an equal number of both sexes, as husbands and wives are invited together when both are known to be bridge players, and bachelors who do not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request. Also unmarried ladies of a certain age, not girls in their teens, prizes are given in some houses to the conquering players, one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen, and occasionally a second prize for the second best player of either sex. This is done when playing for money does not commend itself to a host and hostess. The prizes consist for the most part of useful articles, for instance, a box of gloves, a box of bonbons, a case of ʻuʻdiʻkʻrʻon, a card case, a bag purse, and so on, all of which are acceptable to ladies, and a box of cigars or cigarettes, a silver pocket flask, a silver mounted stick, or umbrella. Our prizes, the men winners, are pleased to accept. The bridge tables at which the guests are to sit are numbered, and the hostess arranges by whom they are to be occupied. The names, four in number for each table, are written or printed with the number of the table upon small cards, and given to the guests by the hostess on arrival. This is done, that good players may be placed together, and to save confusion and loss of time in seating them at the various tables. The refreshments provided consist in the first instance of coffee, which is brought into the card room or drawing room and handed to the guests. No eatables are given with this after dinner coffee. A supper is given either at the conclusion of the play at twelve o'clock, this being the more usual plan, or at ten thirty, after which play is resumed for another hour or so, but the latter is more of a provincial custom than a town one, and is intended for those whose dinner hour is an early one, six thirty, perhaps. When a supper is not given, very good light refreshments are substituted for it, including cups of hot soup in the winter months. Going into supper is arranged as far as possible on the following lines. If precedence does not prevent its being carried out, the players at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together. The host leads the way with his partner, and all follow. The hostess and her partner go last. Cards should be left within a week or ten days after a reception. A married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's cards. A widow should leave one of her own cards. A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. CHAPTER XVI. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHENS. Afternoon weddings are invariably solemnized at two thirty o'clock. Only very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly it was only the few who were in a position to obtain special licenses who could have afternoon weddings. Marriage by bands is greatly in favour in general society. The bands must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in the parish, in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their respective parishes previous to the bands being published. MARRIAGE IS BY LICENSE. One a marriage is solemnized by license the cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to two pounds. This should be obtained at the faculty office, or at the vicar general's office, Drs. Commons, and is available at any church in the parish, where one of the parties has resided, for fifteen days previous to the application being made for the license, either in the town or country. When the license is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate the cost varies, according to the diocese, from £1.15 to £2.12 and sixpence. Special licenses can only be obtained from the Archbishop of Canterbury after the application at the faculty office, and in a special reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with the Archbishop's approval. The fees for special marriage license average £29.05 and sixpence. The fees to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to the position and means of the bridegroom, from £1.01 to £5.05, as the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate. The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at two and sixpence. All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the church, previous to the ceremony, immediately after it, or some days earlier. The etiquette observed at weddings is invariably the same whether the wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number two hundred, or whether they number twenty. The invitations should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight before the wedding day. The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative, and invitations should be issued in the names of both parents. The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink. They are now seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows. Mr. and Mrs. Request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Company at the marriage of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S. at St. Peter's Church, Hanover Square on Tuesday, May 8th, at two thirty o'clock, and afterwards at Square RSVP. If a stepdaughter it should be at the marriage of Mrs. A's daughter Helen B. Wedding Presence Everyone who is invited to a wedding invariably makes the bride or bridegroom a present. It is the received rule to do so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out, as soon as the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one. There is no rule as to the time before the wedding day when the present should be sent. But invitations are usually sent to those who have given presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not be able to attend the wedding. Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to their number, and if very numerous and valuable it is not unusual to exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver attached to it. Presence of silver plate should be placed on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons of artistic taste. The bridegroom should provide the wedding ring and the bridal bouquet. The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom, and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also expected to make a present to each bridesmaid, either a broot, a locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before the wedding, or on the morning of the wedding day. The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his bride from the church to the house, where the wedding luncheon and reception are to take place, and again from the house to the railway station, or if the journey is made by road, to the place of the honeymoon, but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide. The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case. The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by from four to six groomsmen, two of the groomsmen, usually act as ushers and assist in seating the guests. The best man should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the ceremony, a little in the rear, and should render him the trifling service of handing him his hat at the close of it. He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the fees to the clergymen into the verger on behalf of the bridegroom, either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them on a rival. The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the bride and await her coming, standing at the right hand side of the chancel gates. The bride should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they, with her mother, should proceed her to the church. The motor-car should then return to fetch the bride and her father, but when she has no sisters, her father generally proceeds her to the church, and receives her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car. The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and form a line on either side of the church porch or within the church doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them. When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed to give her away. He should meet her at the church door in the place of her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar. At choral weddings, the clergy and choir head the bridal procession, and lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while. The bridesmaids should follow the bride and her father, up the nave of the church, when the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or twelve. But when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder bridesmaids should walk two and two, following next after the children. At fashionable weddings, one or two little boys act as pages, and occasionally bear the bride's train. The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister, or the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group. The bride's mother should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by the side of her son or other male relative, in following them up the nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen, do not walk arm in arm at a wedding, but side by side. The bride's immediate relatives, and the near relatives of the bridegroom, should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated. The bridegroom's relatives should place themselves on entering at the right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large carves with the words, for the relatives of the bridegroom, for the relatives of the bride, are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit. The bride should stand at the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her right hand, in order to give her away. The bride's maids should stand immediately behind the bride, in the order in which they pass up the church. The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service, and should give them with her bouquet to the head bride's maid to hold. The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs. Guests seldom take their prayer books with them to the church to follow the service they're from. The hems sung are usually printed on leaflets, and placed in the pews or on the seats. The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his buttonhole, as he does not wear a wedding-favour. The other gentleman may, as a matter of course, wear buttonhole bouquets, if they please. When the service is concluded, the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm, and proceed it by the officiating clergyman, and followed by her head bride's maids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should be signed by the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the nearest relatives, and by two or three of the most intimate of the friends, and principal of the guests, including the best man and the head's bride's maid. The bride's father should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother does so or not. When the register has been signed, and those in the vestry have shaken hands with the bride, and offered their congratulations, the bride should take the bridegroom's left arm, and pass down the nave of the church, followed by her bride's maids, in the same order as they have previously passed up the nave. The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church, without pausing to shake hands with many of their friends present, if a reception is to follow. When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church, the bride's mother should be the next to follow, that she may be at home to receive the guests as they arrive. There is no precedence as to the order in which the remainder of the company leave the church, it entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their motor-cars. Buttonhole bouquets of natural flowers have entirely superseded the old-fashioned wedding favors for both ladies and gentlemen, and are sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the conclusion of the ceremony, but not invariably so. Buttonhole bouquets should be worn on the left side by both ladies and gentlemen. A bride who is a widow should not wear a bridal veil, nor a wreath of orange blossoms, nor orange blossoms on her dress. She should not be attended by bride's maids, and wedding favors should not be worn by the guests. How the invitations to the wedding reception of a widow should be issued depends upon individual circumstances. For instance, if a young widow resides with her parents, the invitations should be issued in their names as her first marriage, and the form of invitation should be similar save that the words their daughter Mrs. A, a widow of Mr. A, should be substituted for her Christian name. If, as is very frequently the case, a widow resides in her own house, or if the marriage is to take place from a hotel, the invitations should be issued in her own name, and the form should be Mrs. Cecil A requests the pleasure or honour of Mr. and Mrs. B's company at her marriage with Mr. Henry C. at St. George's Church on Tuesday, December 30th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, RSVP. The presence of, instead of the company of, may be put, if preferred. It is understood that a widow should not have bridesmaids, but it is open to her to have the attendance of pages, if a wedding is to be a fashionable and smart one, although many ladies do not avail themselves of this privilege. The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter of course. He may be the bride's brother, if desired. The idea that this is not permitted is an erroneous one. A married man might be asked to act in the capacity of best man, there being no bridesmaids to require his attention, although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or friend is preferred. A widow may be given away by her father, uncle, brother, or even by a friend. Indeed, it is more usual to have this support than not. At a first marriage, to be given away is imperative. At a second, it is optional, and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this custom, she can do so. Much uncertainty exists as to whether a widow should or should not continue to wear her first wedding ring when she marries a second time. In point of fact, there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it, and a widow may continue or not continue to wear it, as she feels inclined. If she has children—and has had some years of married life—she usually retains it. If she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and wear the second ring only. But when this is her intention, she should not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church, and has taken off her gloves previous to the ceremony. But, take it all in all, it is more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only. Formerly, widows considered it imperative to be married in widows' colours, gray or mauve, and that white was forbidden wear. But it is no longer so regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her wedding day—not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as a tinge of colour is introduced. The larger numbers still regard pale gray or pale heliotrope as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage, and doubt this this is so when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, of course, wear a bridal veil. She must wear a hat or toke, white or coloured as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, not of white flowers only, but mauve or pink, or violets according to choice. It is quite permissible to have a full choral service, and for the church in which the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion. When a widow has a reception, the newly married pair should receive their guests standing together. The bride's mother, or near relative, could assist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given, they should lead the way to the dining room and sit at the head of the table, side by side. But if a reception tea is given, the guests might be sent in at the tea hour. That is to say, told that tea is going on, and the bride and bridegroom could follow later, should the numbers be too great to admit of all going into the tea-room at the same time. It is quite an order for a widow to have a wedding-cake, but it should not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with icing and ornamentations. The display of presence at the marriage of a widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. The bridegroom and the bridegroom's family being the principal donors, the presents are seldom exhibited. The exception is when a widow has made many new friends, and has received wedding-presence from them. Presence, when made to a widow having a house of her own, are expected to be of substantial value, and there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if expensive ones, such as a girl-bride would appreciate, not so a married lady of social standing. On arriving at the house, where the wedding luncheon or reception is to be held, the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall. The ladies should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or reception. Neither should the bridesmaids do so. Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons, but it is optional whether ladies do so or not. At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they take off their gloves or not. The guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into the drawing-room where the company assembles, should shake hands with them, having first gone through that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not already done so. Previous to luncheon being announced, the bride's father or mother should tell the principal of the gentleman present whom to take down to luncheon, but this only applies to a sit-down luncheon. At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples, but go in as they please, even two or three ladies together, and little or no presidency, bridal or otherwise, is followed as a general rule. The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, library, or large marquee, as the case may be. The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon. At strictly family gatherings the guests should go into luncheon in the following order, the bride and bridegroom, the bride's father with the bridegroom's mother, the bridegroom's father with the bride's mother, the best man with the head-bridesmaid, the remaining bridesmaids with the gentleman who are to take them into luncheon. The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids. The bride should take the bridegroom's left arm. Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally fashionable, although the latter are far more general, and little or no bridal presidency is observed. When a standing-up luncheon is given, small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one side of the room, while a long table occupies the centre of the room. When a sitting-down luncheon is given, the bride and bridegroom should sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it, the bride and the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father should sit next to the bride with the bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit at the centre of the table, the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them with the gentleman who have taken them into luncheon, each sitting at a gentleman's right hand. When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table, the bridesmaids with the gentleman who have taken them into luncheon should place themselves next to the parents on either side of the table, dividing their numbers into two groups. When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or nearest male relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother into luncheon. A wedding breakfast is now termed a luncheon. Champagne and other wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served until towards the end of the luncheon. At weddings which take place at 2.30 p.m., a luncheon is frequently given at three, followed by a tea at four. The luncheon menu generally comprises soup, entrees both hot and cold, chickens, game, mayonnaise's, salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and other dishes of a light character. The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also. The entrees, etc., should be handed by the servants. The sweets should also be taken off the table by the men's servants, and handed round in turn. At a standing-up luncheon, the gentleman should help the ladies and themselves to the various dishes on the table. As dishes are not handed, at this description of luncheon, hot entrees and soup are not given. The menu is in other respects similar. The table should be decorated with flowers at either a standing-up or a sitting-down luncheon. Bottles of champagne should be placed at the length of the table at a standing-up luncheon. If not, the gentleman should ask the servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they have taken down, and for themselves. At a sitting-down luncheon, the servants offer champagne to the guests in the same order in which they hand the dishes. When the sweets have been handed, the bride should cut the wedding-cake. This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife. It should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on dessert-plates to the guests. The health of the bride and bridegroom should then be proposed by the most distinguished guest present, for which the bridegroom should return thanks. He should then propose the health of the bride's maids, for which the best man should return thanks. Occasionally, the gentleman of highest rank present also proposes this health in place of the bridegroom. The health of the bride's father and mother should be proposed by the bridegroom's father. It is now the custom to confine proposing healths at wedding luncheons within the narrowest limits. The health of the bride and bridegroom and that of the bride's maids being, in general, the only healths proposed. At standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions, the health of the bride and bridegroom only is proposed. The bride should leave the dining-room immediately after the healths have been drunk, to change her dress for departure. The head-bridesmaid should accompany her, if related to her, and the guests should adjoin to the drawing-room and await the bride's reappearance, which should not be long delayed. And the adoos should then be made. Leave-takings should not be prolonged more than is absolutely necessary. The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into the hall, and adoos to them should there be made. The old-fashioned custom of throwing satin slippers after the bride is sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is the best man's or the head-bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act. When rice is thrown after a bride, it should be scattered by the married, and not by the unmarried ladies present. But the custom, like that of throwing the so-called confetti, is now practically obsolete in good society. Strewing the bride's path with flowers from the church the carriage by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take place in the country. The honeymoon now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days. Many brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home, if it happens to be in the country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris or elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, lent to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of individual feeling which course is taken. The bride's trousseau should be marked with the initials of the name she is to take. The bridegroom should provide the house linen and all other things appertaining to the bride's new home. The wedding presents should be dispatched to the bride's residence immediately after the wedding, and they should at once be put into several places, and not arranged for the purpose of being shown to visitors. The bridal wreath should not be worn after the wedding day. The bridal wreath, the bridal bouquet, in the orange blossoms from the wedding-cake, if treasured as momentous of the happy event, should be preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and not exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room. Precedents should not be accorded to a bride during the first three months after marriage, although this old-fashioned custom is sometimes followed at country dinner parties on the occasion of a bride's first visit. The custom of sending wedding-cake to friends is an exploded one, and only followed between knee-relations. Wedding-cards are, strictly speaking, out of date, and only sent by people who adhere to old-fashioned customs. The words, no cards, should not be inserted when the announcement of a marriage is sent to the newspaper. Neither should the intimation be added that the bride and bridegroom will be at home on certain days. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, recording by Rachel Marie. Manners and Rules Chapter 17 Wedding Receptions An afternoon wedding usually takes place between two and two-thirty o'clock, and the reception that follows is given from two-thirty to five, on the return from the church. When a wedding is a choral one, the choir and clergy frequently head the bridal procession. This is arranged with the vicar of the church where the marriage is solemnised. Invitations to wedding receptions are no longer issued on at-home cards, but are included in the invitations to the wedding ceremony, issued in printed notes. The arrangements in the tea-room, and the refreshments given, should be similar to those provided at large afternoon at-homes, with the addition of wedding cake and champagne. Ceremony is, as far as possible, dispensed with as regards sending the guests into the tea-room, and this is a great advantage gained over a wedding luncheon, either sitting down or standing up one, when people are doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual relative. The bride and bridegroom either enter first, followed by the bridesmaids, and a few of the principal guests, or they follow later, as they prefer. The remainder of the company should make their way downstairs as space permits, for a wedding reception is a crowded affair, even in the largest of mansions. Not only is everyone invited, who has given a wedding present, to either the bride or bridegroom within visiting distance, but even others, who are not intimate enough to be expected to do so. The guests should not make their way in the first instance to the tea-room, but should proceed at once to the drawing-room in Sheikhan's with a host and hostess, and afterwards with the bride and bridegroom. The bride and bridegroom should stand together within the drawing-room in Sheikhan's with all those with whom they are acquainted. The bride and bridegroom should be the first to enter the tea-room, flowers, as a matter of course, are a great feature at wedding receptions. The tea and coffee should be served by the maid-servants, generally by the ladies-maids, but men's-servants should also be in attendance to open the champagne as required. Very little wine is drunk at this hour of the day. Ladies seldom care for it, and gentlemen avoid it on principle. Still, out of compliment to the bride, the relatives quaff a cup of sparkling wine, although her health is seldom proposed, or speeches of any kind made. The bride should put the knife into the wedding-cake, and the butler should cut it up and hand it to the guests. Seats should not be placed in the tea-room, and the table should occupy the top or side, or both the top and side, of the room, according to the number of guests invited, so as to leave as much space as possible in the centre of the room. The bride and bridegroom are not always present at a wedding-tea, as the departure for the proposed place of honeymoon does not in every case admit of it. And the mother holds the at-home, and the guests inspect the presents after the newly married couple have left. An at-home is sometimes given a few days previous to the wedding, for the inspection of the presents, if they are very numerous and beautiful. But even when this is done, they still form a centre of interest on the afternoon of the wedding to the many guests. When jewellery and plate to any great extent form a portion of the presents, it is sometimes thought necessary to have a policeman on duty, while the house is open to so many comers, and when to effect an entrance under the pretext of business would be an easy matter. End of Chapter 17. The responsibilities of a bridegroom from a pecuniary point of view commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring, costing from fifty to a hundred pounds. But a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will sit in judgment upon it, if it is but a modest gift, worth about ten pounds, which is quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending. He knows that both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not very inspiring prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor one, she will not be proud of it, neither will he. Rich men take the brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them. But poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their means. Therefore they make the choice themselves according to the position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is above their own from a money point of view, the engagement rings have to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such families, and a bridegroom would thus spend forty pounds at least on an engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed. On the other hand, when men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones, and a ten pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all bridegrooms, be they ever so poor. During the engagement, the question of presence to the bride's elect is never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms. The wealthy please themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often chosen by the brides themselves, in company with their bridegrooms. This is very delightful shopping, but it does not fall to the lot of the great majority. Men of moderate means give presence of moderate value and few in number. They are not bound by etiquette during their engagements to give any jewelry if their incomes do not warrant this outlay. But a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot contrive to give a bracelet or necklace or some such trinket to the girl he is about to marry. To give presence to the bridesmaids is another of the obligations of bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy exercise their generosity and good taste with the concurrence of their brides, who assist them in the choice of suitable presence in articles of jewelry. These average five pounds and upwards for each bridesmaid, which brings it to a good total when the bridesmaids are numerous. The point that affects the generosity of bridegrooms, however, is not how much they ought to spend on these presence, but rather how little may be spent upon them, with due consideration for the fitness of things, is the position of the bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid. The bridal bouquet and the bridesmaids bouquets come next on the list of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids bouquets. The fees connected with the ceremony are strictly the province of the bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence he pays the cost, which in town amounts to two pounds, two shillings and sixpence, and in the country from two pounds, twelve shillings and sixpence to three pounds, three shillings. The fee to the vicar of the church, where the marriage is to be solemnised, varies from one pound one shilling to five pound five shillings. Often a one pound one shilling, they're not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate incomes, the exception being five pound five shillings. The minor fees are very trifling that a bridegroom is expected to pay. He pays the organist for playing a wedding march at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a coral one, the bell ringers look to him for their fee, as do the verges, etc. Plus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage ceremony only, and very little besides. When a friend of the bride or bridegroom performs the ceremony or assists at it, the fee is not given to him by the bridegroom, but a present of some kind is made to him, either in silver plate or by a small check, as circumstances dictate. For railway expenses or otherwise. It is usual for the bridegroom to do this, unless the clergyman in question is a relative of the bride, when a joint present is usually given by bride and bridegroom. The bride's parents bear a large share of the wedding expenses, foremost of which is the bride's trousseau, the cost of this being entirely dependent on position and income. The dinners and at-homes given before the marriage, to introduce the bridegroom to the members of the bride's family, are given by the bride's parents. The wedding reception is given by them, either at their own residence or at an hotel. As concerns their share of the expenses connected with the ceremony, it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a quiet one. If the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat considerable. If the latter, they are almost nil. A coral service, for instance, is paid for by the bride's parents. The organist, choir master and choir, all being severally paid by them. If the hymns sung are printed on leaflets, this trifling expense also is included. All floral decorations are paid for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the awning and the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or buttonholes are given, it is by them also. For whom the bride's family are expected to provide conveyances is invariably a misunderstood detail. The bride's father has only to provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and for those members of his family residing under his roof, and for visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not required to provide them for any other of the guests, save in the country, and then only for those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain conveyances for themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the motor car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's house, and afterwards to the station. In the country the reverse is the case, and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own carriages or cars for the purpose. The bridegroom is expected to provide the furniture and all household effects for the new home, including plate and linen, which let her naturally form very important items. Many of the bridal presents however are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to a great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the members of the bride's family. Still, the rule in England is that the bridegroom should provide it as part of the necessary of the home, and the gift of it by relatives is altogether optional. End of chapter 18, read by Jane Bennett. Chapter 19 of Manners and Rules. This is a Lipithox recording. All Lipithox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Lipithox.org. Manners and Rules, Chapter 19, Afternoon at Homes. Afternoon at Homes are a great feature amongst the entertainments of the day. Large afternoon parties, and small afternoon parties, parties so large that the number of guests equals those at a big crush or evening reception, and so small that they might fairly come under the denomination of afternoon teas. At afternoon at Homes, ladies are present in a considerable majority. There have been usually from about 10 gentlemen to 30 ladies on an average present at these gatherings. Ladies have a decided partiality for this class of entertainment, as it an afford an opportunity for meeting their friends and acquaintances, offer making new acquaintances and performing future plans and interchanging civilities. And even in the height of the London season, afternoon at Homes are fully attended by the members of the fashionable world. There are various classes of afternoon at Homes, the large at home are from 50 to 200 guests when usually professional, vocal and instrumental talent is engaged, and fairly good music given. Although the entertainment is not of sufficient importance to return to concert, the at home are from 50 to 100 guests when only amateur talent is in requisition, and a small at home are from 10 to 30 people when conversation usually takes the place of music, the party being composed of friends rather than of acquaintances. Invitations to at Homes should be issued in the name of a hostess only and not in the United Names of the Master and Mistress of the House. Invitations should be issued on at home cards, large and small, and also on visiting cards. The name of the person invited should be written on the top of the card at the right hand corner, the words at home being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, and the day and date beneath the words at home, and the hour beneath the date. Any amusement to be given should be added at the bottom of the card at the left hand corner, the address should be printed at the right hand corner at the bottom of the card. The letters RSVP are occasionally either written or printed on the at home card at the left hand corner of the bottom of the card, but it is not usual to write RSVP in the corner of an afternoon at home card, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at this class of entertainment. But if an answer is so requested, an answer should be sent. RSVP signifies responde civil player, or an answer is requested. It is customary to include the head of the family, either husband or father in the invitation. Thus, at the top of the card at the right hand corner should be written Mr and Mrs A, or Mr and Mrs A. Daughters of the house should be included in the invitation sent to their mother, thus Mr and Mrs A, the Mrs A, but the sons of the house should be invited separately. When a family consists of a mother and daughters, the invitation should be Mrs and the Mrs A. The title of honourable should not be put on an invitation card, but only on the envelope containing the card. All other titles are recognised in invitation cards, but the letters K, C, B, M, P etc should not be written on the cards, but only on the envelopes in which they are enclosed. If a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present, there will be plight to send her excuses, although a strict etiquette does not demand it. Both the invitation and the answer can in all cases be sent by post. It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after afternoon at homes. Invitations to large afternoon at homes should be issued a fortnight previous to the day, and to small at homes within a week or so of the day. The arrival of guests When incited guests arrive, they should not inquire if the hostess is at home, but at once enter the house, and they should be ushered at once into the tea room. The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in the hall. At large, at homes, a cloakroom should be provided, so that a lady could remove a cloak or fur cape, usually worn during the winter weather. But at small, at homes, a cloakroom is not necessary, as the reception rooms are neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the ladies' toilets so elaborate. Refreshments At large, at homes, refreshments should be served in the dining room, and a long buffet at one end of the room, or on a long table the length of the room. The ladies' maids and other maid servants should stand behind the table to pour out and hand the cups of tea or coffee across the table as asked for. It is usual to have women's servants on these occasions to pour out the tea, and man's servant or men's servants being also in attendance in case anything is required of them. Although gentlemen usually help themselves to claret cup, wine, etc. The usual refreshments given at these, at homes, are tea and coffee, the latter served from large silver urns, sea chapter preparing afternoon tea in the work entitled Waiting at Table, sherry, champagne cup, claret cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin bread and butter, potted game, sandwiches, etc. Ice plates are used for ices, dessert plates for fruit and fruit salads. At small, at homes, champagne, claret cup, and ices are not given. The tea should be made in teapots instead of in urns at both large and small, at homes. At small, at homes, the tea is usually served in the small of the two drawing rooms, or in an adjoining boudoir or ante room. The tea is then poured out by the young ladies of the house, or by the hostess herself, but sold and by maid servants when served in the drawing room. The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea is to serve it in the dining room, unless the number of guests is limited, when it would appear unsociable if there were to congregate in the dining room, leaving the hostess comparatively alone in the drawing room. When tea is served in the dining room, the guests are usually asked by the servant in attendance if they will have tea before being ushered into the drawing room. At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the ladies by the gentleman present, or by the young lady officiating at the tea table, and gentlemen generally stand about the room or near the tea table at small, at homes. Receiving guests, the servant should proceed the guest to the drawing room, as in morning calls. At large, at homes, the hostess should receive her guests at the drawing room door, and shake hands with each on arrival. The drawing room door should remain open, and she should stand within the doorway. At small teas, the drawing room door should not remain open, and the hostess should receive her guests within the room, as at morning calls. The guest should arrive from a quarter past four until half past five or six o'clock. The guests are not expected to remain the whole three hours specified, and are at liberty to remain as long or as short a time as they please. The earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave. When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she introduces one or two of the ladies to each other, even in a formal manner, or in a semi-formal manner, by saying, Mrs A, I don't think you know Mrs B, but she should not say this unless quite certain that Mrs B desires the acquaintance of Mrs A, or that Mrs A has no objection to knowing Mrs B. It is rather the exception than the rule to make general introductions on these occasions. Introduction should only be made when the hostess is aware that the person's introduced would be likely to appreciate each other, or for any reason of equal weight. The guests should go to the tea room with any gentleman of the acquaintance present, or in the case of ladies with each other if they have not done so on arrival. This move to the tea room is usually made in the intervals between music, recitations, etc. Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the gentlemen present to the ladies of highest rank for the purpose of sending them into the tea room. A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at hand, unless a gentleman offers to put it down for her. It is optional whether a lady removes her gloves or not, and many prefer not to do so. At large, at homes, the hostess remains at her post the whole of the time, and hardly ever sits down. At small, at homes, she should move among her guests, conversing with them all more or less. When there are daughters, they should assist their mother in entertaining the guests. When ladies are acquainted, they should take an opportunity of speaking to each other. It is usual for ladies to move about the rooms at afternoon at homes, to speak to their various friends and acquaintances, and they are by no means obliged to remain seated in one spot, unless desirous of doing so. When music is given at afternoon at homes, it is usual to listen to the performance, or at least to appear to do so. And if conversation is carried on, it should be in a low tone, so as not to disturb or annoy the performers. It is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon at homes, unless she is standing near the drawing room door when the guest is passing out, or unless she is a new acquaintance, and they visit a first one at her house, when it would be plight to do so. When it is late and but a few guests still remain, these few should make their adias to the hostess. At these afternoon teas or at homes, the hostess should not ring to order the door to be opened for the departing guest, or for her motor car to be called, as at morning calls. The guests make their way to the hall, and the servants in attendance call up the motor cars as they are asked for. Motor cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon at homes. As ladies are sometimes unable to remain longer than a quarter of an hour. The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining room until they hear their motor cars are announced. Gratuitives should never be offered to servants at these entertainments, or in fact at any entertainment whatever. Afternoon concerts. When afternoon concerts are given, invitations should be issued on the usual at home cards, which can be purchased with the words at home etc already printed, or they are printed to order with the name and address of the hostess. The name of the person invited should be written above the name of the hostess at the right hand corner of the card. The date under the line at home should be in the centre of the card beneath the name of the hostess. The hours should be written at the left hand corner and the letters RSVP. The printed address should be at the right hand corner. The names of the performers should be added at the bottom of the card at the right hand corner. The hour usually fixed for a concert is three o'clock. The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing room door, when they should at once seat themselves. The seats should be arranged in rows down the centre of the room, and sofas and satis should be placed around the room. The programme of a concert is divided into two parts, and at the conclusion of the first part the guest should prepare to the dining room for refreshments, which are served as at-large at-homes. Afternoon dances. Invitations to afternoon dances should be issued on at-home cards in the manner already described. Dancing should be printed in the corner of cards, and the hour of four to seven o'clock substituted for that of three o'clock. The words afternoon dance should not be written on an invitation card. There is no ever received form of invitation for afternoon dances than the one already given. Afternoon dances are very popular at watering places, military stations, small towns in the vicinity of London, etc., but are sold and given in London itself. Refreshments should be served during the whole of the afternoon from four to seven as at-large at-homes. The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the cloakroom, but retain their hats or bonnets. The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing room door as and at an afternoon at-home. Bridge tees occupy an important place in social life. They are a convenient form of entertainment, as they allow of a small number of guests being invited, even as few as eight persons being considered a reasonable number of players to invite. While 24 is distinctly an outside one, the average number is in most instances 16, all told. The play usually commences at 3.30, sometimes earlier, and continues until 7.30, allowing an interval for tea at 4.30. The invitations to these informal gatherings are either issued in friendly notes or in visiting cards. If on the latter the words at-home, day and date are written under the name of the hostess, while bridge, 3.30 or 3.00 is put in the corner of the cards opposite the address. The hostess arranges beforehand that places the guests are to occupy at the different tables. This is done that the good players may play together. When all have arrived the hostess tells her guests where to sit, and is herself one of the players. On taking their seats they cut for partners. She does not invite guests to look on, as it would necessitate her not playing. Talking to them while they remain, besides conversation, is discouraged, as it distracts the attention of the players from the game. The ladies retain their hats to remove the coats, fur, etc. On arrival. End of chapter 19. friends and acquaintances on one particular day in the week. She should intimate this fact by printing upon her visiting cards the days on which she is at home. Thus, Thursdays in March or Thursdays in March in April, or any day of the week she thinks proper to name. This card she should leave in person on those who are not at home when she calls, or they can be sent by force. Those she finds at home, she should inform that her at-home day is Thursday. She should not leave her visiting card in this case, only two of her husband's cards, and at-home day should not be written upon them. On the at-home day, calls should be made from 3 to 6, or from 4 to 6. The first comer should leave before the afternoon tea or end, should limit their call according to the degree of intimacy existing remaining from a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case may be. A hostess or her daughter should pour out the tea on these at-home days when tea is not served in the dining room as at-home, which should be done when the number of visitors is very considerable. The popularity of a hostess is tested on these at-home days by the number of visitors who call during the afternoon, and when at-home days are not a success. Social speaking, she should discontinue them after a certain time and should substitute an occasional at-home. It depends not a little on the social standing of the lady who has an at-home day, and upon the locality in which she lives as to whether the at-home day is a failure or the reverse. In the outlying district of town, it has its advantages when to make a call amounts to almost a journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate neighbourhood. Again, it has its advantages when ladies are much occupied during the week, and when their time is given up to an engrossing occupation of charitable or artistic at home or away from home, literally or scientific at-studies, museums and public institutions etc. work undertaken for their own amusement, profit or advancement or for the benefit of others. To these ladies and at-home day is a convenience. One day in the week is all they can allow themselves apart from their important engagements, and to them, quiet privacy and leisure are indispensable. Fashionable ladies consider an at-home day to be a great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engagements are too numerous to admit of giving up one whole afternoon in every week on the chance of people calling, not only long-standing but impromptu engagement preclude the sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness not to be at home to call us on an at-home day, and many things might occur to necessitate absence from home on that particular afternoon at-home day in question.  The few calls they have to make are so made, the few friends they have to see are soon seen occupation they have none, and they are grateful for the opportunity at-home days offered of meeting their friends and finding a hostess at home. End of chapter 20, Menors and Roots, Recording by Dwarka