Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm John Finasi of johnthassie.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic why men leave Emotionally before they break up why men leave emotionally before they break up All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit that subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms Also, my coaching is what I call heart Heart-centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if f-bombs aren't your cup of tea I highly suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts and my opinions and my perceptions by no way Do I mean this is the truth you have to decide the truth for you So I just invite you to explore dating mating or relating from the world according to Jonathan for today All right, let's jump into why men leave the relationship emotionally leave a relationship before they break up Well, you know what if you think about it the title is rather obvious from the perspective of most people Emotionally leave the relationship a mo from an emotional perspective before they ever leave from a physical perspective Let me repeat that we tend to whether it's a man or woman. We tend to emotionally disappear from a relationship before we ever physically Leave in a relationship and what's so interesting is that many of you might know this you might not at least here in the United States over 60 to 65 percent of divorces are Actually initiated by women So man oftentimes when they're physically in a relationship They oftentimes just they tend to nest in relationship and it's usually women who initiate more divorces than men Because the man is most likely emotionally left the relationship So why does this happen and how do we avoid this because that's really the more important question is Not only just understanding the why but how to avoid it So it occurs to me that men tend to operate from the physical level. Let's think about it when men come on strong Why are we coming on strong to a woman because we're physically, you know You know attracted from a sexual work. We're sexually attracted to a person We want to physically have sexual intimacy with that person So that's one of the ways we men tend to approach relationship Also, another thing is that men have traditionally been considered the provider protectors So we think of the outside world the physical world within the relationship and not necessarily the emotional world And lastly, we are also attracted to physical beauty So, you know, in other words men are visual creatures We we use our eyes to feel attraction. So everything is based on the physical in fact men are Conditioned as little boys not to be in touch with their emotional side We have been at least from the baby boom and Gen X period I mean that's certainly shifting now for the younger generation But for certainly those of us there are baby boom or Gen Xers We were taught to stuff our emotions be a man Don't show fear. Don't let anyone see you cry and to some degree women were taught that as well Women were tend to or little girls I should say we're tend to given more permission to have more of an emotional side, but we worked in fact men's Emotion had to come out from a physical perspective because of the testosterone to come at it from a combative perspective from a protection perspective and Rarely were we ever given a chance to have an emotional side to us In fact, if you follow my work, you'll know that I often say Women are the emotional leaders of the relationship Which is why I highly recommend that women lead by example to help a guy open up So what happens is and again the the the the title is rather obvious Why do men emotionally leave before they break up because it's not so much the why but that's what does happen In fact, it happens for women to we like I said in the beginning We leave emotionally from the relationship before we physically leave But how do we avoid this? How do we avoid this from happening? And that's what I want to spend the next few minutes talking about is because The reality is it's natural to leave emotionally although some people physically stop having sex with their partner They physically stopped showing up in relationship They might start to pull away and start to distance themselves from relationship from both an emotional and a physical sense In fact when it's happening from an emotional it's typically also happening from a physical sense In fact, this is one of the reasons why when you feel a suspicion that your guy is pulling away Like you don't feel like he's talking to you as much. He's not instigating as much It's because he's emotionally leaving the relationship and in many cases men are not even aware This is happening from a conscious perspective it's just happening to them internally and they start to move away again not from a Cognitive perspective but from a subconscious perspective and all of a sudden you find out once he's actually dealing with his emotions He wants to end the relationship, and I'm sure you want to avoid this and that's what I want to help you today Avoid this So what causes someone to emotionally disappear? It's because the relationship lacks deep intimacy. I'm gonna repeat that the relationship lacks deep intimacy now intimacy is also known as Into me see into me see in other words it's it's getting inside the person from an emotional perspective and One of the things I notice with this significant number of relationships particularly in midlife is they're missing Deep intimacy between the two of them their physical world might be fine in other words physically They might be spending time together They might be having sex together although you'll typically find that a lot of Relationships today are very casual in nature. They're not especially for midlife relationships. There's no real destination involved in the relationship But when he start when someone's not invested from an intimacy perspective, and I don't mean sexual intimacy I mean emotional intimacy Then the relationships most likely are going to be doomed and One of the reasons why this happens is because the couple haven't formed a true Friendship with one another this is my my definition of friendship now It's gonna be like this or it can be like this in other words a true friendship with one another You know, it's interesting. I once asked a group of Couples that were married all of them in accepts of 50 years couples like my mom and dad There's a picture of my mom and dad They were married 66 years before my mother passed away and I've asked a group of couples all what appeared to be happy long, you know long-term Marriages and they all say the same thing. I married my best friend. I married my best friend now Maybe they they weren't best friends when they married, but what they're really saying is the person I married became my best friend And what I'm seeing happening today in a lot of dating scenarios particularly these days for those group for the group of demographics that I talked to which is the Midlife crowd which is after maybe baby making years and before retirement Many of them are lacking a deep true Friendship with one another they haven't built the they don't either have the tools to build the friendship Or they don't have the framework and one of the best ways to build a friendship with someone is through social activities hobbies mutual interest I'm gonna repeat that social activities hobbies and mutual interest as well as talking about Current events and what's happening in the world because that's how we tend to bond to people more so than a surface level Now what's interesting is you could take a couple that's been married Let's say a couple got married in their 20s or 30s in their raising children most of their Conversations in their relationships Center around the raising of children center around the raising and children fact I would speculate that 75% of more of their conversations relate to the structure of the household and very little in the interpersonal Relationship realm the real deeper realm about what's happening in their heart from an emotional level and so if couples aren't doing things together like social activities and talking about it at a an emotional level if it's Social activities hobbies and mutual interest They're not talking about it an emotional level or maybe even current events or what's happening in the world from an emotional perspective or at least a Sophical perspective it's going to be difficult to build the deep roots of trust I'm gonna repeat that's gonna be difficult to build the deep roots of trust In fact in my private coaching when a woman works with me We actually work on helping them uncover What's important in their life to help them come up with the questions to ask a guy in the early stage of dating? So you can begin to build those deep roots of trust and what I've learned today is Most couples lack Conversational competency Conversational competency. This is where I see a tremendous amount of couples are struggling because most of their conversations are at a surface level Again, it might be about the physical world and not the emotional world So I want to invite everybody today now that you're aware of this Because what's most likely happening is a guy who is actually your best friend in your relationship Doesn't leave emotionally because he counts on he counts on you from an emotional perspective He counts on this relationship to shore up his emotional side And the truth is most men are thirsty on some level to have an emotional connection with a woman The problem is they just were never trained at getting there In fact, I can speak from personal experience and I know this with many men I've spoken to over the years. It took up. It's actually it's typically a woman who breaks us open to our heart It takes a woman to break us open to our heart. We're not taught this by our mothers We're not even taught this by our fathers It is through romantic relationship and a woman who actually can open us up on an emotional level by her expressing her feelings on a regular basis and inviting her partner to contribute by expressing his feelings I'm going to repeat that she expresses her feelings on a regular basis and she invites her partner to also express his feelings Now in the beginning this might seem very difficult because a lot of guys have a difficult time expressing their feelings But like anything in life if you do it over and over and over again He actually has a capacity to open up more to his heart and when a man is connected to his own heart And then connected to your heart. That's true intimacy. Remember into me. You see you can see into each other And quite frankly when that occurs when a man's heart is truly connected with your heart on an emotional level That's a relationship. He never wants to end Unless the physical world collapses and that's also another thing that happens Whether it's our physical appearance whether it's our our structure of our life that could be in chaos But ultimately if you've got your your house in order so to speak and you've got You know you take good care of yourself and you're connected it You know, I'm basically saying mind body spirit emotion when you're connected in that quadrinity You have a relationship that's built deep roots together And it makes it difficult to actually end a relationship when you've got the solid root of intimacy and emotional connection with one another So I want to repeat. How does that happen ladies? The only way I know of is a Express your feelings on a regular basis to a man Don't be afraid to express your feelings if you're not familiar with my book called What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway chapter one is called speak your truth Do it with kindness and then later on the book if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person and why I'm here to encourage this is I witness so many women Afraid to speak their feelings to a guy for fear. He's going to run away Here's the good news the wrong guy does run away And the right guy wants you to help him open up his heart Because when you help him open up his heart, he's going to feel more connected to you. Now, let me be clear about something I'm not here to suggest you open a guy's heart. Who's a total dysfunctional train wreck right now and you become his enabler That's not what I'm talking about Let's hope that he doesn't need fixing and you don't need fixing Okay, because if either one of you needs fixing it's going to be a problematic relationship I'm talking about by expressing your feelings on a regular basis and inviting him to express his feelings You actually have a chance to bond closer together at an intimate level And when you bond it closer together at an intimate level, you have a greater chance of relationship success Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know by hitting that like button All right, we're going to take questions in a second Um, I see that we have a super sticker and by the way really quickly I I hope I've covered the why men leave emotionally you understand the why and how to avoid it It's by developing that deeper level of intimacy through friendship And that's doing social activities hobbies mutual interests and talking to one another about current events And what's happening in the world and whatnot because that's where you have a chance to build Closer connections to one another then the surface level connection a lot of people have in their lives All right, we're going to take questions now those who know my live stream format if you're listening to the recording of this Um, this is during the live There's a live chat box here in youtube if you post a question you can write the word question and post the question Thereafter I am going to bring up a topic in a moment Write the word question post question or you can purchase a super sticker and super chat All the funds from the super stickers and super chats go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his name I've created this scholarship fund to help defray the cost of Personal development for those who seek it. In fact, I'm in the process of giving a donation to the Hoffman process In connor's name based on all of your kind donation. So I wanted to thank you so much In fact, I see a super sticker purchased right now and we're going to talk about that question as we get started. So Question comes from moji moji moji In a long distance relationship for eight months. My childhood friend died in march. My guy broke up with me in april Haven't heard from him since may 30th emotional intimacy Lacked emotional intimacy since that wasn't a question. I really do appreciate you sharing that so Oftentimes long distance relationships struggle to build that emotional connection because men tend to bond through Experiences, let me repeat that men tend to bond through experience So through long distance relationships one of the big challenge for that is men don't bond through the telephone So you can have incessant conversations incessant conversations incessant, you know I mean conversation conversations conversations text messing telephone calls, but men do zero bonding How we bond is through experiences. It's like that time I went for a hike with someone on the hollywood sign and I remember that experience But I can't remember any telephone call we ever had. I remember that time I traveled to vancouver canada with a with a partner I remember that but I can't remember any telephone call we ever had so long distance relationships oftentimes Rely on telephone and text messaging maybe even a little bit of skype or facetime But men don't bond through those experiences and that's where true emotional intimacy happens is through Experiences this is why one of the reasons the challenge is for long distance relationships and why they don't work out Because we don't bond with you We have a great time when we have sex with you and then when we go home We're back to our normal lives and we're not bonding unless you're spending regular time doing doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy and all of this happens Through face to face time. This is one of the reasons why it takes roughly about 100 hours of face to face time Just to build stage one level of trust in a relationship and so many couples aren't even doing that We're going to explore an idea how to make change that in a few minutes. So Moji, I want to thank you for your question. I hope I helped with your answer. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart All right, let's take a look here All right, if you have a question post the word question All right, Sadie has a question Jonathan is it possible to have a great friendship with your partner and still maintain great chemistry? Is it possible to have a great uh friendship and chemistry? Absolutely. It's possible Now it's rare because oftentimes when the relationship gets too focused on friendship That they forget to have the sex piece, right?  So I think from the sexual perspective it requires to be intentional To basically listen, we've got to at some I I suspect at some and I say suspect because I I've been in relationships where we went a long time without being intimate together All right, well, let's call that a marriage Um, it requires being intentional and I happen to know a couple who's been married 55 years They're in their 80s and to this day they still plan one day a week Of their love day. They have a one day a week every I think it's most every saturdays That's their time whether it's 8 a.m. To noon or noon to 4 is that's their love day where they physically are intimate with one another And they actually schedule it. I mean it's actually a priority And some people will think well, that's not spontaneous.   It requires being intentional This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend everybody reading the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman why because this talks about the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and ladies If you follow my work, you know I always say before the penis goes inside the vagina buy two copies of this book and say look If you want to explore a relationship together, this is my requirement If you want my vagina, this is my requirement ladies You have every right to be asked for more Intentionality because look i'm your big brother If I could be there on a first date when you're on on a first date with a guy I wish I could be there with the shotgun point in his face and say what's your intentions with my little sister Okay, I wish I could be there for you I can't you've got to do it yourself. You have to establish the Intentionality now. I know that goes against every dating rule.  It works temporarily Manipulations and games work temporarily, but do you want to be in a relationship that's going to implode later? Just because you might have hooked a person right off the bat with some games or manipulation How is that going to help you from a long term perspective? This is why I'm a big proponent of asking better questions in the early stage of dating and I'm talking about asking deeper questions That's interesting. I've been giving thought to something lately And I want to share this with you because if you follow my channel, you might have noticed I've done a couple posts centered around When would you like to know that the person you're dating is the wrong person for you? Would you like to know before the first date? after the first date Before having sex, you know or before you know or after getting married. When do you want to know? This is the wrong person I think most everybody would say they'd want to know they'd want to know Before you ever go out on a first date Okay, wouldn't you rather know someone is not compatible with you before you ever meet them? So why is there such fear on asking some really tough questions on the telephone before you ever meet someone? I'm here to say the best time to determine compatibility I mean, well not the best time Certainly we have an opportunity where we could ferret out people who are not right for us very early on And I said in my post I think nothing helps us determine compatibility Better than asking questions about the following Here at least in the united states politics religion current events Asking about how their mind works in these three areas I think plays a huge role in understanding if you're with somebody who has an open mind or a closed mind I'm going to repeat that. I think it gives you a better understanding if you could be with someone with an open mind or closed mind This is why I'm a big proponent of asking some really tough questions Before you ever meet them in person because I want you to think of it this way You go out on the first date and you have a good time because that's what you're told to do is have a good time Just sit back in your feminine energy and have a good time and this guy is going to magically Claim you and he's going to be chivalrous because you're just sitting back in your feminine Okay, great and on the second date you're sitting back in your feminine and he's leading and he's claiming you and all that And you're on the third date. You're just sitting in your feminine Just being all warm and loving and everything else and then 5th 6 7th 8 9 10th date you have sex together and you start traveling down the path Only to find out that this person you're with is a nightmare Let me repeat that this person is a nightmare their ideology is different than yours Their emotional maturity is rather weak Wouldn't you rather know this Before you actually went out on a first date Because folks, let me just say this If we're not getting radically honest early It's much harder to get radically honest later And here's the thing You've gone out that first second third fourth, fifth, fifth, ninth, tenth date You've had sex together and all of a sudden you're attached to this human being And then you're thinking well if we love each other we can naturally magically make it work out So this person's going to have to compromise who they are and you're going to have to compromise you You are because love is just going to magically make it all work out Folks i'm here to say that magic fairy just doesn't fix things if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg By the way that on instagram.  There's always that broken clock. That's right twice a day But what about those other 22 hours a day? That's the reality of this so I went off on a tangent here based on this question And I hope you recognize that I think the true value Is when we go deeper early on We actually are building the roots of intimacy from the very first date and if you have physical chemistry Kaboom way to go All right, that's just my thoughts There so thank you so much All right, so saty. Thank you so much for your question. Great question All right, I saw a super sticker came earlier, but it disappeared. Oh, here we go. V star writes The man I love died before we could truly be together. He was extraordinary How can I believe that I'll meet a new man who has his best best qualities? How can I how do I believe that? well So there's the red pill in the blue pill The way I'm looking at the red pill says I'll never ever find it Let's make it the blue pill the blue pill says I'll never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever might a guy With great qualities or the red pill You know what? There's a great man out there who's looking for me There's a great man out there with qualities that I like looking for me There's a so which which pill do you want to take? You can certainly take the pill that says I'll never meet it and guess what I promise you If you swallow that pill you'll never meet the guy you want ever ever ever ever in your life If that's your mindset then whatever you project outside you will reject Even if a great guy comes in your life, you'll most likely reject it So you have a choice Let me look at it this way. Maybe give you a different analogy. This might help We just had the olympics recently. Do you think an olympic athlete says I can never win this race. I'll come in last place. I'll never win this race. I'll come in last place I'll never win this race.  Is that what an olympic athlete thinks I'll never win.   I may not win, but boy, I'm going to do everything in my power to try to come in first Okay, when your mindset is you can't win, you're not going to win Now you may not but I'll tell you olympic athletes They go in with the mindset that I am going to win that that I am going to win. I am going to win and the healthy athletes Recognize that they might not win and that's okay, too I'm going to repeat that the healthy emotionally healthy athletes recognize that they may not win and that's okay, too So that's my invitation for you there in that particular case so And you have a choice you can decide which wolf you want to feed you want to feed the wolf That isn't going to win or you're going to feed the wolf that is going to win. That's my invitation for you by the way I understand it's hard. Let me let me repeat. Let me say this. I understand that's hard That's hard when you've loved someone and they passed away folks Now I'm going to get emotional here for a second I lost a child I lost a child. I cannot bring him back. There's no way I can bring him back As much as I want him back.  Thank you so much for your question All right, jennifer says big brother jonathan. Thank you so much All right, if you have a question purchase the Purchase the super sticker super chat or write the word question so I can I'm going to scroll through here now to see what we have Um, and again, write the word question so I can find it Uh, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming Oh, mjo mojin says he hasn't contacted me in three months. Do I wait it out or reach out to him? He left me when I needed him so folks Listen, someone doesn't contact you a day. No big deal 48 hours.  I thought we were in a relationship together I thought we were exploring something together Listen ladies waiting three months Either you might be that I mean, I'm not saying that you waited too long But I highly doubt you're going to get much from it But I would certainly reach out so you might because you might not listen You should reach out so you can get closure because most likely he isn't going to respond And if he does he's going to end it with you but Just recognize if if you guys haven't spoken in three months, you're not in a romantic relationship Now because this is a long-distance dynamic you were never in a relationship most likely to begin with so Avoid the misery reach out to him and then would deal with it from that point forward most likely this relationship Let me just say this this relationship is over. You just haven't figured it out yet I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying that's what it is All right Oh, here we have another question Millie Question I'm dating Seven months a 60 year old guy who is great man. I will like to know how to initiate the conversation about commitment All right, folks. Here's another example. Why are we waiting seven months to initiate commitment folks?  What does it look like for you and what does commitment look like for you? I'm gonna repeat that. What are you looking for in a relationship?   Why is this? I'm sorry.  Let me give me an example I had a woman reach out to me some years ago and said jonathan, you know She's in a relationship with a guy eight months relationship and she goes. I just want more commitment from him I'm like, great. What does commitment look like for you? Well, jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great What does commitment look like for you? But jonathan, I just want more commitment from him I'm like, great. What does commitment look like for you? But jonathan, I just want more commitment from him She thought by speaking louder kind of the way I do That I would hear her message Listen without specifics without knowing what commitment looks like for you How can you ever know what it looks like for him or to see if you're on the same page? Ladies Stop this is an example of how you give your power away.  They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it They're winging it. They're winging it You better take charge of your relationship destiny because they're not going to do it for you Let me tell you something. There's a book Called why men love bitches why men love bitches bitches stands for beauty in total control of herself Beauty in total control of herself. What that means is she is in her power.  What's your name again?   And what's not okay folks. Is this sinking in Please tell me it's sinking in because i'm so saddened to witness happen this witness this over and over and over again All right, uh millie. Thank you so much. I'm sorry.  So how do you initiate it?  And is this something you want to explore a deeper deeper relationship a partnership? That's a good way to get it started great question millie. I'm sorry. I called you out Um we jin says jonathan. Thank you Thank you for all the books you recommend to me to read especially yours because I read all your books I practice I practice rejecting a guy with kindness yesterday and I got positive feedback. Yes Folks, I have something I say I've recently had some encounters with women that just didn't go well And I said, you know what I I don't like the phrase. Can I be honest with you? So I say in full transparency. This is how I was feeling in full transparency This is how I was feeling and quite frankly it's being met with a lot of positive responses Because this is the problem. We're not being transparent True emotional maturity is being transparent with a person And I want to invite you all to be more transparent to be more vulnerable to be more authentic because guess what? You'll be setting yourself up for the right guy when you meet the right guy who can meet you Practice with the wrong guys so you can get ready for the right guy to be more open and more communicative And if you're not familiar with the book non-violent communication by marshal Rosenberg I highly recommend reading this so you can get better at communicating your Needs wants and desires in a way that's seen heard and understood. I repeat that and by the way This should have been called compassionate dating This is a great way to communicate your needs wants and desires in a way that's seen heard and understood Are you with me? If you are hit that like button say amen All right, we jin. Thank you so much Ah bum bum bum jennifer writes. I met a man who wanted a long distance relationship He definitely had commitment issues and didn't want something to be close to him. Yes men By the way, I think men who choose long distance relationships are either married and fooling around or have a relationship or fooling around Or they have intimacy issues and it's a great way to avoid getting close to someone. Let me repeat that That's just a speculation on my part Is they're either married or have a relationship or they have a fear of intimacy It's rare unless somebody enters into a long distance relationship with an absolute plan of how to take the long distance Into short distance. That's just a perception I have take it for what it's worth All right Casey says Man i'm dating The man i'm dating says his life is in shambles right now and that he loves me does this mean He's offering a short-term lived romance. By the way, he's totally setting you up This is called his escape clause. So he's set up his escape clause my life's in shambles And you're like, ah, I can fix him. I can fix him I can be there for him because his life's a mess and I'll just be there for him and when he's he's no longer in shambles He's gonna want me Let me tell you something someone who leads with their life is in chaos is in shambles has set up his escape clause Now that's not all man. That just happens to be probably 97 out of 100 man Because when it becomes too emotionally when intimacy starts to form and he's not capable of being intimate He's got his escape clause. It's called the dysfunctional moonwalk. By the way trademark jonathan asley dysfunctional moonwalk He backpedals With his dysfunctionality I mean it's kind of folks. Why do you want to date someone whose life's in shambles? There's no benefit to you other than you're setting yourself up for heartbreak Is this sinking in is this resonating?  I love oh, we already did that one excuse me All right All right, let's go back. Let's go swim and let's go swim And if you have a question post a word question. Oh, there we go empty nesting to aka maria Question is there any good way for a woman to help a man with intimacy issues? Or is it lost cause would she Come off needy Great question and this goes back to empty nesting. This goes back to what I said earlier ladies lead by example by expressing your feelings lead by example by expressing your feelings And then invite him to express his feelings now. Let's just say you had a you expect Eight minutes expressing your feelings and he spends 20 seconds expressing his feelings Okay, well at least you got 20 seconds out of and then next day you express your feelings for four minutes but you got 37 seconds of feelings from him And then the next time you express your feelings for Nine a half minutes But you got one and a half minutes of feelings from him The more you do it the more you do it the more you do it the more you do it the more you do it The more you do it the more you do it The greater chance you guys have a chance to get closer together now But if he rejects your feelings constantly and if he avoids his own feelings constantly, chances are he's not capable of going into deeper intimacy. So then that means your whole relationship is based on the physical and not the emotional. And I don't mean physically just sex. I'm talking about the structure of your relationship is more based on the physical and not emotional. And those relationships typically implode at some point in time. Let me tell you something. My mom and dad were married, like I said, 66 years. And I'm going to guess they hadn't had sex for a long time, although I could be wrong. They had a great emotional connection with one another because they expressed their feelings. They had strong conversational skills. And as I said earlier, one of the things that most couples struggle with is conversational competency, conversational competency. And I'm talking about going deeper at an emotional level. So it requires leading by example, and maybe at some point doing couples workshops together and maybe even doing therapy at some point, because that really gives a man or woman a chance to connect with their heart. I'm a big proponent of people doing therapy, of doing self-help work and spiritual work and whatnot. If you're not familiar with the book, The Hoffman Process, you're not familiar with The Hoffman Process, I highly recommend checking this out. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that help people open up to their emotional side. Can you start doing this work? It's going to take some time and effort, but it's worth it in the long run. Can I get an amen? All right, thank you. All right, Sal says, when someone tells you their lives in shambles run, yes, I agree. Or you can have compassion, but it doesn't mean you have to be in relationship with them. All right, let's go swimming. Elaine says, yes, couples in long distance relationship have to have a plan to make it work. This is where a lot of long distance don't work out.  Thank you. Jennifer says, I love you yelling. It means you care. I do care, folks. I really do care.   I spend my entire days trying to figure out more different ways to help couples get intimacy together to actually help them build a stronger relationship. And I ponder all kinds of thoughts, like my latest one is centered around radical honesty. In fact, in my private coaching, by the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. My whole coaching practice is designed to help women become more radically honest right from the get go by learning true compatibility for themselves and asking and then creating a questionnaire of a guy tailored to your own specific life on how to determine if you're compatible and how to vet for emotional maturity.  I come up with thousands of ideas.  This is where my world is.  If anyone wants to date me, please send me a resume because I need to stop being so obsessed with relationships. This is why I yell. This is why I have compassion for this. So Jennifer, thank you so much. I'm just going off on a tangent here. All right. All right. Alex Peterson, okay. Let's see. Let's go. Catherine says, thank you for being our big brother. I appreciate that. Okay. Canita says, our canita says question. How can I be supportive to a very intelligent, beautiful woman who constantly gets left high and dry very early in relationships? She doesn't put out, she's my best friend. How can I be supportive? Well, that's a really tough one because I think to be supportive is just to hold space and be there for that person to allow them to speak to you. But I think what you're really saying is maybe what better advice could I give my friends so she doesn't get walked on and gets used, and I'm paraphrasing what you said. I'm a big proponent of doing personal development work. My suspicion is she has childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that need healing. And I highly recommend reading the Hoffman process for her. I would recommend you both read it together. It's going to take 50 hours of work. Maybe you can do it together to help each other really become better to be able to help you avoid your negative patterns and limiting beliefs in life. So that would be my suggestion is doing this book together. That's at least one suggestion. So the great question. Thank you so much, Kenita. Oh, by the way, I butchered your name. I butchered everybody's name, so please forgive me. All right. Catherine says Connors Fund is a great one. Thank you so much. Everyone who does support the scholarship fund in Connors name when you purchase super stickers, super chats from the bottom of my heart. I want to thank you. Like I said before, I'm donating my next batch of money to the Hoffman process, to their to their foundation, because it helps defray the cost of personal development for people. And I am such a big proponent of everybody doing the Hoffman process. At least read the book or actually go to the physical location to do it there. So thank you so much. All right. Judy says, hi, Jen, by the way. Judy says, how do I get my power back in a relationship help? How do I get my power back? So let me share with you, ladies, this is the seven ways women give their power away. Maybe this might help you. I'll read it to you, Judy. Number one, the relationship is on his terms.  Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth to him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Number three, when the relationship ends, you focus on him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Number four, you're waiting for him to initiate contact. Your need for validation comes from him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.  Stop that.  Stop that. And finally, you think there isn't any other person out there. Stop it. All right. So I just described something for fun. But I'm here to say these are examples of how women give their power away. So how do you get your power back? It all starts by loving on oneself. And most people don't like the term self-love. But I'm here to say, through self-love, when we're actually in our empowerment, we don't give our power away to another human being. We retain our standards and our boundaries. And if you want to do some ninja-level work, I'm talking this is ninja-level work. I highly recommend checking out Jeff Brown's book, Grounded Spirituality. Grounded Spirituality. By the way, Jen, you should check out this book. Grounded Spirituality. It's thick. By the way, I purchased the book and I did the audio. This is a ninja-level spiritual work. And when you get into that level of work, you are going to be such a stronger, emotional human being. You can handle almost any challenge that comes in your life. And folks, you guys know, I lost my son. There is no greater pain a parent feels. I don't think I could have, I would have gone down the rabbit hole of depression, despair, drugs and alcohol. If it wasn't for the personal development, self-help and spiritual work that I did in advance. And it's like a vaccination to emotional chaos by doing this work. So my invitation for every one of you is start now. Spend 30 minutes a day on your emotional health.  Start investing 30 minutes to an hour a day on your emotional well-being. And I promise you, for every 30 days you do this, you're going to feel better and better and better and better. And then you won't have to worry about giving your power away to another human being. Is this resonating with you? I hope it does. All right, Kelly says, get a skill or hobby and ignore him. He'll run back, then keep boundaries. I did that, but now I don't want him anymore.  That might be true temporarily. But here's the thing. You don't want a guy that comes back because he misses you. What you want to be in relationship with a man right from the get-go who appreciates you. Let me repeat that. You don't want a guy that comes back because he misses you. You want a guy to be in relationship with you because he appreciates you. And if you want to build a stronger relationship together, I highly recommend reading the book by Barbara DeAngelis called Making Love All the Time. This is, remember I said earlier, women lead by example, purchase this book and do everything inside this book. And when you're with the right guy, you'll never have to worry about him emotionally leaving the relationship because you built this strong bond together. And when you've started to build a relationship like this, it becomes so strong. It's so hard to break up. And that's my invitation for every one of you. Is this sinking in? Please let me know. Ah, Kimberly says, absolutely, thank you. All right. Weijin says, stop it, stop it, stop it. Get it, right. KS writes, question, how do you recommend getting closure after a breakup? So getting closure from the other person oftentimes isn't the case. We rarely actually get closure. And the fact is we don't need closure from them. We need closure for ourselves. And the best way to get closure is to ask yourself these three questions, these three questions. What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? I'm gonna repeat that. What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? What was good about this relationship? What was good about this relationship? And lastly, what am I most grateful for? Folks, when you can lean into what positive things did you learn about yourself? But not things like this. I see a lot of women who say, well, I learned how not to date a cheater, or a liar, or an abusive person. That's not what you learned about yourself. Did you learn that you don't need a man for your happiness? Could you have learned that? Could you learn that, you know what? All that anxiety you had about worry didn't do you any benefit? Did maybe you learn that? Did you maybe learn that you might have to lean into deeper intimacy yourself in a relationship? Did you learn that? A lot of women are as just as emotionally unavailable as men. Did you learn, what positive things did you learn about yourself? And then what was good about the relationship was the sex the good part, was the friendship was the good part. What was the good part of the relationship? And then lastly, what are you grateful for? Because here's the bottom line. I see with so many women and men too, is that they're bitter and jaded over a relationship that didn't work out. Let me repeat that. They're bitter and jaded over a relationship that didn't work out. And guess what's gonna happen? Believe it or not that if you don't forgive and let go of that, you're going to bring that negativity, that bitter and jadedness to the next person. It's gonna be subconscious. It's gonna be there. But let me tell you something. I've gone on first dates with women and I'm sitting across from them, like I'm sitting across from my camera right now and I'm talking to them, but I can see every guy that ever hurt them standing right behind her. I literally visually can see every guy because based on her tonality, based on her language, you can hear victim consciousness, victim consciousness, victim consciousness, victim consciousness, victim consciousness. You can literally hear it in the communication. All you have to simply do is ask them about their past relationships. And when they start vomiting, which a lot of you women will do is you just vomit information. It's riddled with victim consciousness. In other words, it was always his fault and never any ownership in your own part in this relationship. In fact, when you can reach a level of saying, you know what, it just didn't work out for us. I wasn't right for him and he wasn't right for me. When you can actually bring down, if you can say the ending of a relationship was simply, I wasn't right for him and he wasn't right for me, that's, and you can actually go, and I'm grateful for the experience, you are now setting yourself up to attract a great guy in your life. So do you wanna be on the negative train, that it was all his fault? Or do you wanna take ownership and say, what did I learn about myself? What was good about the relationship and what am I most grateful for? And that's a great way to prepare yourself for the future relationship and to get closure. Does that help KS? I hope so. Give me a thumbs up if it does. Elaine says, amen. This Russian name says, 100% you're correct. Thank you so much. And I can't even pronounce, I think it's Russian, I'm guessing. Okay, Dawn. Southwick says, my husband died almost four years ago and I've only dated one person since. What the heck has happened to the men and dating process? Years ago, dating was fun. Now guys are non-committal today. Okay, Dawn, let me just be clear about something. You're looking at it from a woman's point of view. I can say the exact same thing about women. Women can be emotionally unavailable, women can be non-committal, women can be flaky, women can ghost, women can disappear.   So first off, let go and say it's a human thing. Why has this happened? Because you're not in your 20s and 30s. When you're in your 20s and 30s, you are a blank sheet of paper surrounded by single eligible people.  Most people are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. And most people operate from the premises, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. My invitation for you, read my book. What the heck could self love anyway? Be in your empowered self because you can point the finger at the guys being bad but the problem isn't men. Oftentimes ladies, the problem is the perception you have with men because there are a lot of good guys out there.  The reality is that's a small percentage of the population.   We have a tremendous amount of unconscious, myopically focused human beings. And there are a lot of good people out there with good hearts. So, you have a choice. You can look at the glass as empty, there's no good men out there or you can say it's raining good men, it's raining good men, it's raining good men, it's raining good men. Which narrative do you want to say for yourself? I hope you choose the latter. But if you choose the former, like Dr. Phil says, how's that working for you? It's my invitation for you. Thank you so much for your question, Don. I appreciate that. Jennifer says, Matthew Hesse said something about closure. He's the only other dating coach I listened to. He's been yelling a lot on his videos too. By the way, Matthew Hesse is someone I have a great deal of respect for. There's a number of dating coaches I have a great deal of respect and then I have a number of coaches that I can't stand. I'm gonna own that. Matthew is one of the most conscientious, thoughtful guys who's thinking of a head. Now, I think he's great for his demographic, the 20 and 30 year old, because he's 20 and 30. My demographic is 40, 50 and 60. Why? Because I've been through divorce, alimony, child support, visitation right. I've got ED, I have to use a blue pill. I date women who have menopause. I've been through with parents who have been through elderly care and assisted living. I've gone through the death of a child. So, and that's just to name a few. I've lost all my money in the marketplace. I had to rebuild my life over 20 and 30 year olds. They're just getting their life started for us in our 40s, 50s and 60s. Here's the problem we have, and I understand it more intimately, is we come to the table, we each come to the table as a 450 piece puzzle. We each come to the table as a 450 piece puzzle and we somehow have to make a relationship out of 600 pieces. That's the challenge. And so I understand a little bit, and I'm not disrespecting Matthew because I have a great deal of respect for him. And I think he's great. I just understand how fucked up it is because I've gone through all the emotional traumas and I've done a lot of the emotional work so you don't have to go through the nightmare that I've gone through and maybe reading these books is gonna better prepare you to be in a great relationship with a guy. So, again, I think he's great for his demographic. I just happen to think in my ego, I'm gonna own this. I think I'm one of the best in my demographic. If I'm one of the best midlife dating and relationship coaches, please let me know, write a comment. All right, I'm gonna save the last few minutes of this live stream. If you have a personal question of Jonathan Asley, write the word personal question and post the question. I'm gonna answer your personal questions right now because I went off to say what a great coach I am. And I say it, folks, listen, do I have a little bit of arrogance?  Do I have a little bit of bravado?  Am I narcissistic at times?  I'm a human being, okay? That doesn't mean I'm that label. I just happen to be those things and I can beat myself up like nobody's business. I can crucify myself on the cross like nobody's business.  I get it and I'm gonna own it. I have my issues, but guess what, so do you too. Everybody has their issues and we can start coming from a place of love and compassion when we can start looking at this from a compassionate way.  What planet do you live on? All right, let's go swim in. Oh, thank you. You're the best midlife dating coach. I appreciate that. You're my, my God, I'm in my sixties. Thank you. I've learned a lot from you. Thank you so much.   I listen, my ego loves this folks. Thank you so much. Here we go, it's a personal question. When was the last time you visited Turkey and what is your favorite thing about Turkey? So folks, if you don't know where is my parents or from my parents' mother and father from Istanbul, Turkey. My mother was a debutante. My father was a graduate of the Turkish Naval Academy. He went on to be a commander of a destroyer in World War II and then he went on to be a lieutenant commander of a, no, excuse me, it was a commander of a PT boat and went on to become a commander, a lieutenant commander of a 600 foot destroyer, however big a destroyer is. My parent, the last time I was in Turkey when I was 20 years old, the reason why I haven't gone back to Turkey is I own, I have dual citizenship. And I actually ran the risk of actually going to Turkey and being seized by the government to have to do military service. Let me repeat that. I ran the risk up until age 55. I had the risk of having to go back and being seized at the airport or seized by the government to do military service. And I'm a pussy, so I just didn't wanna go down that road. Or I think you'd have to spend $20,000 and still do three months of service. Now that I'm over 55, by the way, I am perpetually 49. But that's the reason, that's the last time I was there when I was 20 years old. So thank you for the question. All right, Pamela, thank you.  Please correct me if I'm wrong with the statement. No, she's not. Folks, I wasn't a significant relationship that lasted six years. It was on and off. And it ended for a variety of different reasons. Well, I can't share the actual specifics. When I met her, I wasn't in a really great emotional and physical place in my life. And she knew this. And by the way, I dated a therapist who knew all my problems. So she knew what she was buying into. And she had her own issues too. And while there was deep love between the two of us, we weren't really right for each other from a long-term perspective. I believe we entered into a relationship to heal each other, which we did. And then we had a very conscious uncoupling. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book, Conscious Uncoupling, by Catherine Woodward-Thomas. Catherine Woodward-Thomas. Actually, my ex-girlfriend and I are on page 220, where we did a conscious uncoupling. And we actually, our public announcement of our breakup made this book. By the way, this is a great book by Catherine Woodward-Thomas. And we recognized that we weren't a good partnership for one another. And it took us three ties to figure that out. And finally now, she is in a great relationship with David. David is the photographer that took the picture of, by the way, with his iPhone, he took this picture of me when I was staying at their home.  Anyway, and I'm good. I just played golf with him not too long ago. We're good friends with one another because we were able to consciously uncouple and we treat each other as family right now.  So I treat her as a sister. She's a little bit older than me. She'd kill me for saying that. But she's a very dear part of my family. And I'd like to think I'm the same for her. So I hope that answered your question. Thank you so much. Suzuki says, Jonathan, which personal question do you date long distance? So I only date long distance under the following premise. I am, because I don't plan on moving where I'm at, I will only consider a long distance if I know they absolutely plan on moving here that's actually in their consciousness before we ever meet. I will not engage in a long distance relationship unless I know that they want to move to Los Angeles at some point because I plan on living here because I wanna be near my son, Colin. And this were my circle of friends. So I will consider long distance if I know they already have plans to move here. If they don't, I've done it before where they said they were gonna move and they never were gonna move. So I'm not doing that again. So thank you for the question, Suzuki. Leppard says, question, I have a pattern of being, personal question, I have a pattern of being attracted to unavailable men. Any advice on how to break this pattern? Well, it wasn't a personal question of me, but how do you break that pattern? Let me think about that. How do I break the pattern of choosing? You ask better questions right from the get go. You ask questions about their past experiences. You dig deeper, you dig deeper. You make them, by the way, here's a great way before the penis goes in the vagina, read this book together. By the way, the men who are emotionally unavailable won't read the book. And that's how you know they're emotionally unavailable. The men who are available emotionally will read this book. That's how you do it. You read this book together.  All right, let's see. Kelly says, what you think will manifest? You still will see silly things, but you won't have to participate them. This relates to a previous question. Thank you for bringing up that, Kelly. All right. Rosemarie says, personal question, why do you need a little blue pill? Can you operate without it? Look at, I have, well, first off, I have a little bit of high blood pressure, so that affects my circulatory system. Honestly, it's been a while, so I just know that I've become dependent upon it. I can't tell you that's a good reason or not, but it doesn't mean I don't necessarily need it all the time. Morning would, I'm stiff as a rock, but as the day goes on, I find that I need a little bit of help. That's just where I'm at in my life. Until I meet someone that rocks my world, and maybe I don't need it, maybe it's psychological, I don't know, but I'm just owning, I do use it. And a lot of men in their fifties use it. Because as you get older, my circulatory system, look at my feet are cold right now. As we age, our circulatory system doesn't work as well. So, and I exercise, I exercise every day, I do cardio every day, but still as we get older, this is just the byproduct of what happens to our circulatory system. So thank you for the question, I appreciate that. Bonnie says, you are one of the best. Feet on the ground, honest and open, real. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. All right, all right. Weijin says, personal question, do you date people from your industry? In other words, do you date other love coaches? Only if they make a living out of it. There are a lot of love coaches that make zero money. I need a woman who can support herself. So I'm very mindful that if they're in the industry, two things, A, they can support themselves and B, our ideologies are the same. A lot of female dating coaches believe more in this as their dating philosophy. And that, homie don't play that game. Homie don't play the game of manipulation and the rules. So I need someone who understands my philosophy centered around personal development, self-help and spiritual work, understanding human behavior from a non-gender-based way of dating. This is why the woman I fall in love with should also fall in love with the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated because it's not about penis and vagina.  That's one of the main reasons why it's fucked up because there's expectations based on the gender and not coming at it from a heart-centered place, not coming at it from a two-lane street perspective. And that's, so to answer your question, I need a woman like that if she's in my industry. I've yet to meet that woman, but oh, I'm sure they do exist. Actually, I have a few friends over that way, but they're married. All right, Wijin, thank you so much. Trendsetters, what's my zip code? I'll give you the zip code next door, 90278, 90278. Okay, Jill says, why bother checking out but not leaving? Starting something new with someone new and while not leaving, where are you at? And then you get busted, you still love them. Jill, I don't understand, why bother checking out but not leaving? Don't understand your question. All right, Scoop says, what to do, what to do, although I'm okay being by myself, having a hard time letting go of a good man dealing with depression. So I think your question is how do you let go of a man? You know, read this book. Oh, I've got another book. Where is it? Everyone hang tight for a second, I have another book. Bear with me, stay on the line. Oh, where is it?  Oh, here it is. Okay, here's a great book since you asked the question, Scoop, too good to leave, too bad to stay.  You might want to read this as a way to help you with closure, too good to leave, too bad to stay. You might want to read this to help you get closure and then certainly read the book, Conscious Uncoupling, because this will give you great tools to help you gain closure for yourself. All right, we're gonna take one more. Okay. Personal question, Jonathan, what is your favorite wine you've ever tasted? My favorite wine is Opus One. Opus One, Opus One by Mondavi. My favorite wine on the planet is Opus One. Couple hundred bucks a bottle. KS asks a question. Do you want to get married?  That's maybe a spiritual marriage, maybe a legal marriage. But yes, I absolutely want to get married again. I didn't feel that way after my divorce for the longest time because I felt very burned after my divorce. So for a lot of different reasons and all fairness, I was a jackass of a husband on so many different levels. I was very myopic, more focused on the, I focused more on being the provider protector instead of actually being a good husband. I was just, I was brain dead because that's the way my father was. He focused on being a provider protector. And I want to say for the first 30 years of my mom's life, she wasn't all that happy. It was the last 36 years where they found real love for themselves. But they're of an old different generation. So it took me years to actually after my divorce to say, and I said this for years after my divorce, I didn't want to get married until I actually recognized and I did all this personal development work and studied relationships. I now feel like I can show up as a true partner to someone. And that's what's kind of different for me now. So to answer your question, yes, I'd like to get married again. Someone just wrote in my Instagram, should I still keep an interest into someone only after talking a month and they're planning to move five hours away. So great question. So I'm talking to someone who's now moving out of the area. Look folks, a healthy relationship needs, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests to build the roots to trust that happens through proximity. Proximity, it's difficult to build a relationship if there's distance involved. By the way, it's hard enough to build a relationship when someone lives next door to you, let alone five hours away. So what, by the way, magic fairy dust doesn't make a relationship work. I'm gonna repeat that magic fairy dust doesn't make a relationship. Buy the book, eight dates.  Read this book to see if you're even on the same page to explore a partnership together. And that's my invitation for you. Thank you for your question. By the way, everyone is online. If you wanna join me on Instagram, go to my Instagram is count and send me a friend request or hit like over there. You can follow me on Instagram. All right. And this is the last question of the day. Do you feel marriage later in life can still be good and you can still build a lot of good memories together? So sunshine, great question. So in my marriage, I was married 12 years and I just told you I'm 49 years old. Actually, I'm in my fifties. I'd like to think I've got a good 30, my father's 96. So I've got at least 40 years left in my life, okay? If I meet the love of my life tomorrow, 40 years of great connection, that's absolutely worth it to me because I only got 12 the first go around. I still got a lot of life and left to me.   By the way, folks, even people in their late, I have a couple who I helped get together. She was 66 when she met him, okay? They're gonna, she's never, was never married and got married at age 66. And if she lives to be 90 and he lives to be 90, they've got 24 years. That's better than the average marriage. So although, so yes, there's plenty of life left in us and that's my, I do believe it's worth it as you get older and you can build a lot of good memories together. All right, you know what? I think this would be a good place to wrap up today. Folks, I just wanna go back to why do men emotionally leave? Because deeper intimacy was never truly built. And my invitation for all of you is to build that intimacy with your partner by speaking up your feelings and invite him to speak his feelings as well. And you're into the right guy, he's gonna lean into it and the wrong guy is gonna run away. And I hope you decide to choose the right guys going forward. All right, this would be a great place to wrap up today. I wanna thank everyone for being on the live. If you're listening to the recording, please hit that thumbs up and please share this with friends. If you'd like some support, check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Also, check out my group program called Midlife Love Mastery. The link is below in the description. I wanna thank everyone for being here today. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic job at the bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, Pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now, bye-bye. Bye-bye.


It was an excellent meeting. This man is amazing. His energy, his vision is what drives us and inspires us. It was very inspiring. We discussed about our investment in India, expanding it. We are acquiring industrial lands. We are going to put manufacturing ourselves. We will invest in manufacturing in various areas in India. We are actually going to move some of the high-tech industries somewhere where we have today to India has better facilities, better engineers, global reach, India's reputation as a market and as a trade partner is with respect around the world.


I know why you're here. After looking at that thumbnail, after looking at that, you know what? I'm gonna show you guys just how easy I made those and we making chicken lollipops. Better known as lollipop chicken. Now, if you notice right here, I'm gonna be using my Dual Fire 1200 by Rectek, right? Two different zones, great for searing. Listen, when I do the steaks, I got something for you. Right, but the first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna preheat, right? So I hit my power here and today, today's temperature we're gonna be using, I'm gonna be using 300, right? So I set this at 300 and it just stays. You can make this on anything.  To infuse that type of flavor in there, but I love using pellet grills and especially like using Rectek, right? So I'm gonna show you about the pellets for those of you guys that don't know. The number one question that I get is like, hey, what is that? That's not wood, this is, this is just compressed. Look, they don't add nothing to it and this is the flavor. I'm gonna show you the blend because that's what everybody wants to know.  So we're looking for that smoky and fused flavor. All right, so listen, if you don't believe that, you know, like maybe I'm faking. When I tell you, I put this here because I try different pellets from time to time or right now, this is my favorite. But if you wanna know, there it is right there again. I keep it on deck and I use it quite often. That's already preheating, right? So that's behind me preheating. Look, I want you to pay attention. All you need is this right here. Super easy to make.  Now I'm gonna show you this. I got a little piece of foil. I'm gonna show you what that's for in just one second, but I've already done these. You see how they're standing up? Now you're getting the concept when I say lollipop, right? So I'm gonna show you how we come up with that result. All right, so look, I'm gonna show you how we got there. Now, I'm gonna take this.  I can use my chef knife, but I'm gonna go ahead and use my little parent knife, right? So what we wanna do is, you can see right there, they're gonna attend it. What you wanna do is, I just go right here. Listen, the further up you go, that's the less meat you're gonna get, right? So I just, I start about like right here, that's good. I can see the meat and that's fine. Then I just cut, I feel it hit the bone. You do a little bit of sawing, but by now you guys been following me. You know, we gotta keep our knives sharp, right? So just take this and just go all the way around. That's all you gotta do, right? You see how I just cut that tendon? That's okay. That's what we wanna do. You just wanna cut this and go. Now I take my hand and I start pulling this back. Anything that didn't come loose, I just take it. My knife is sharp, I just run it like this and it just cuts. We gonna get rid of that too, that we gonna use a pair of kitchen scissors just to make everything, you know, like super simple and easy to make, right? So I take the skin, pull this down like this. Now, I'm gonna hold this like this and just take my hand and just start pulling this down just to get this back. You see that? We gonna clean all that up, but right now we wanna get this off. Now I'm gonna show you this part.  Napkin, paper towel, right? You take this, how can I do this so you guys can see? You see the knuckle right there? It kinda like comes this way or it goes that way, right? I like to go from the round part towards this way, right? So I take this, we're using the paper towel for grip, right? You just wanna get yourself, get a grip on it. And then you see how I got my thumb under there? This is what I was talking about. I come from this end. You do whatever end is easiest for you, right? I come that way, I got my thumb kinda like in there and look, then I just peel this part off right here. Get a good grip on it. You know how like we do, we use the paper towel the same way that we use it on a set of ribs to pull off the membrane, that's just for the grip.  But before we get there, I wanna make sure I keep the integrity of my skin good, right?  Put your hand on it like that and then just push the meat down. You know what I mean? And then you're gonna have to keep going. Now, remember I said you gotta have yourself some kitchen shears. Now with my kitchen shears, I try to just pull it and just do a little cleanup. Now I want you to pay attention to this part right here. Now after I cut this off of here, it don't look like much right now, but wait. When you cut it, I want you to pay attention. If you look at that like that, tell me, how's that gonna sit and stand up? Like I see some people when they do them, they leaning like this. We wanna get to you so they stand straight up, like the ones that you see over there. And the only way we gonna get that folks, is we gotta have a level surface down on the bottom, right? So now I'm gonna take my chef knife, right? I'll take my chef knife and I just make a cut because we wanna have a flat bottom. We push down one more time. If it stays up, I'll do a little bit of cleanup. And you know that little bone is right here too? I cut that also. I take my knife here and I just, you can cut through that. It's more like cartilage type of bone. You know what I mean? It just cuts, cuts really, really easy. And then we take it like this.  Now that I got everything trimmed up and ready to go, right? What I'm getting ready to do is, I'm gonna explain this aluminum. I'm gonna go ahead and say it since I grabbed it. I'm just gonna take a little bit of this and protect the bone. You know what I mean? It's just like French tipping, right? You know what I mean? When you put that, after you expose the bone, you wanna put this on the top just to protect it. Now I'll take them off at the end, but I don't want these to turn out to look like, you know, like nasty, right? So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take my infused olive oil.  But for me, I like to have just like good ingredients from the gate. What I'm gonna be using to season everything with, I'm gonna be using my A-seasoned. I'm gonna do a combo, right? This right here is great for the poultry, but we wanna get that barbecue flavor, right? And that's right here. This is my barbecue rub. I'm just going, since I got a little oil on here, I just wanna make sure everything is coated. And the reason I'm doing that is, listen, it helps give it that color also, along with the seasoning. And what it does is, help me get a little bit on the crispier side, you know what I mean? And main thing is, check this out. We want the rub to stick, don't we? I'm just gonna, you know, put a little seasoning, a little rub on it. You know what I mean? It's all good. And notice that anything that falls down the bottom, along with the oil, I'm gonna move everything around so we can get that flat spot right. Now that that's done, now we come with the ooey. I'm gonna just say this. Hold for me ooey. I ain't got no word for what it's like. Once it's done, but once it's done, you guys let me know.  Right? And what you wanna do is, just cover it up. We just wanna protect the bone, right? So you don't need no hole out of foil. Don't have to be in any of them tight wraps. Just something like what you see right there. Now, if you look right here, look, this is what I'm talking about. That's what you have. Now, we wanna get some seasoning on the bottom, right? So I just move these back like this, and I just take it and pat them. So if I look at the bottom of there, look at that right there. You know what I mean? Cause we wanna have flavor throughout. And now we put these on here just like this. As you can see, I set it for 300. It's at 301. This is what I'm talking about. Dual fire. Okay, so I was getting ready to give you the model number of this, but all the Rectek products are just like spot on. I mean, plus a mind is maybe five degrees, but it's monitoring it and keeping it just right. So with that being said, I don't wanna lose all of my heat. I'm getting ready to put this in here, right? Let's get this centered over here cause I wanna capture my juices and I'll show you why. I'm gonna give you guys some options, right? So I'm gonna open it up, put it inside like this. Look at that right there. Then we finna close it. Now, I'm finna set myself a timer for about 30 minutes. Now, what you're gonna need to do is you're gonna wanna check the temperature of your meat, right? Listen, they say 165. You know what I mean? Everybody knows that, right? But listen, when you dealing with a dark meat, I like to go just a little bit higher than that, but only where we gonna know is we're gonna check it with a meat thermometer. You guess what, folks? I got mine, you got yours. All right, so look, now let's take a look at it. I'm gonna go ahead and just probe it. We'll just see where we at right here. When I get it in the inside right here, look, 366, 67, these are ready, right? This one over here, I'll check this one in the back.  Don't forget, it's gonna kinda, you know, kinda raise on its own. I'm telling you, this is a must. When you cooking, I got it. This is like the new school way, you know what I mean? Cause I check everything, what I did with it, I just cut it off. But I check all of my food to make sure my temperature is safe, especially when I'm doing stuff for like, you know, like friends, family, stuff like that. So, just best practices is to just do it this way.  And you can do it and then do it. All right, so listen, if you guys wanted to know how was I able to go ahead and go inside of there when this was like hot too, I'll give you guys a pro tip. Like a lot of people don't know this, me coming from the barbecue world, I know, listen, when you put a set of latex gloves, you know, food grade gloves on the top, you have that on the outer, but listen, I'm using some cut resistant cotton gloves. So this gives me a shield. So this on top of that, bam, now I can handle anything hot. Even when I'm doing pork butts or anything like that, I'm able to pick up the hot meat and just move it and transfer it. And I still got that dexterity that I need, right? So now I'm gonna let this cool. You guys can see it. Oh man, he says nice right here. Okay, folks, look, I don't let it cool down. Listen, my mouth been watering the whole time. Obviously I ain't did nothing. You know, you don't see not one of them missing. So I'm gonna go ahead and grab this one. I'm gonna turn that around. I'm gonna let you look at the color right there. That right there is nice. Now, I don't like to say, I already told you that. I don't wanna put no time on nothing like that. The reason being, because listen, food is ready when it's ready. Meat has a certain temperature it needs to reach. You know what I mean? So don't forget, it's chicken. Same thing, when you're doing it in the oven, we're gonna do 350. I could have did 350 out here, but I wanted to infuse it with just, you know, a little bit more with the smoke, right? And this right here, this is my baby right here. This is my dual fire, you know, 1200. Listen, I don't know, you know, there's a lot of brands out there, but I like this, you know what I mean? Any of the brands from like the bottom are working your way all the way to the top. I understand everybody not gonna have it, but listen, if you ask me and you value my recommendation, this right here is fire. Now, with that being seen, I can put it out here in the sun. I know you guys can probably see that. Wee, look at that. But enough said, now it's time to eat. The reason I got this napkin right here, because listen, these are juicy.  It holds all that juice in it. So we'll get down like this. Okay, folks, look, the result is great. For those of you guys that do have my seasonings, you know what I mean? You know, you know about this combination right here, right? This right here is fire, especially when you're doing, you know, anything out on the grill. Listen, the Art Direct Tech, you know, 1200, that dual fire, listen, it infuses everything with the smoke, you can see the color. And I could just show you like this. When I tell you it comes out clean, it comes out clean, right? So I done ate all this. I'm not feeling over talking. I want you guys to talk to me down in the comment section below and let me know what do you guys think. Tell me, is it worth the trouble for you guys to do it? To me, there's no trouble when I can put this out in a deep, full pan. I put two or three of these out, you know, while I'm entertaining some company or doing it for like a client or something like that. That right there just raises it up. Now, with that being said, listen, if you're new, you know what to do. Like, subscribe and tell. With that being said, I'm out. Peace.