Life is all about entertainment and so on. You ever wonder if like the news of the world, the news of the world is just one big movie script? Hey there, njroot22.com here with a little bit of a, of a societal vlog. And we're gonna talk about news and how you watch it, how we consume it or address it, and how the rest of the world looks at news. News as Steve Carell said in the Anchorman, or whatever that was, what movie that was. It wasn't Anchorman, it was some sort of other movie. I forget what it was. But anyway, we're fascinated by news. I mean, we do scan the headlines just to get a pulse on what is happening around us because you need some sort of awareness to kind of navigate the world. You need to know what the loonies are talking about, whether it's protests in the progressive cities on the left coast or whatever, they're getting angry about something. To other fear-based news, whether it's crime, guns, what you do with your body, with your fetus, and all sorts of other things, and all sorts of geopolitical issues like borders, wars, and all sorts of humanitarian issues going on. And people just, you ever hear the phrase, oh, I got to catch up on the news? Why? You don't really have to.  And of course, yeah, that's the economic news. So, yeah, every little news story has a bunch of people, I guess, the audience watching it or participating. The stock market has their own people, all talking about rate cuts, and then you have the political, I guess you call them groupies. It's sort of like watching sports. This is why I think it's kind of scripted. You got your Boston Red Sox, which is I guess the Liberals, and then the Yankees, for instance, or the Conservatives, and everybody's in their camp. They don't really care what's going on or which players are on the team. You notice how the players constantly change, but they're still rooting for that team. And I guess that's what the left and right does, or the Democrats and Republicans, whatever you want to label them as. But I just wonder, like, does anybody ever think in their own mind, like, why am I participating in this? Why don't I have my own little movie script to live in and not worry about what they're talking about, which really boils down to people who are just talking about things that may or may not be happening in the world or the state or the country or whatever part of the globe that you live on. So if you ever step back and say, why am I watching this? Why do I care? How does it affect me and my family? And naturally, there are some things that do affect you and your family. And those things you can't really control a lot of times, like weather. I mean, okay, here comes the weather. Hopefully I've prepared myself and I have a strong enough house and I've taken care of the things I need to take care of to be prepared for the unknown. But I mean, how much of the news that you watch, like whether it's celebrity gossip or whatever it may be or the next new iPhone that comes out, I mean, does it really matter? I mean, that news, if it's important enough, will always find you. Let's say there's a big tsunami coming. I'm fairly certain you don't need to watch TV to know that it's coming to hit you because other people will be running in the other direction. And you don't really need to know what's going on. And a lot of times, even with weather, there's no difference. Oh, a severe tornado watch, 99 out of 100 or 999 out of 1,000 times, nothing bad happens. It's just like a fear program. So I'm just wondering how many people will ever take a step back and say, why am I watching this? And I guess most of the people, if they're honest with themselves, have that there's a psychological addiction to it. Oh, I want to see what's next. This is why social media is so popular and hard to break, the habit's very hard to break, is because it's what's next. It's this human need to get something new. And I find it fascinating. I think news is a bad way of getting that fix for getting something new because it doesn't really augment your life. You don't become more intelligent or more capable or more productive because you watch the news. And this is exactly why our method of watching news isn't watching talking heads debate something. And most of the time that too, we believe is scripted or they're talking about something or have a viewpoint for a particular reason. It's usually to benefit someone else or someone else's movement. We subscribe to various news organizations via RSS Reader on our internet browser. We use a program called Inno Reader. I subscribe to even points of view that I don't necessarily agree with because I want to know what the rest of the world is thinking because that'll help you be more prepared in case something does happen. But it's not even about that. The more you know about the world around you, the more intelligent choices you can make day to day. You can just know who to avoid and what things are not good. So we just scan the headlines from like an eagle on a perch somewhere. We just want to see what's going on. We don't get into the nitty-gritty who said why, he said this, oh my God, we don't really care because none of that stuff affects us. So I think everybody should take a step back from the news and start reading more important things or watching more important things like how to improve your life or save money or to make things more sensible. And this isn't about apps, by the way. I can just press a button because you're relinquishing control and you're reducing brain power when you put too much reliance into apps and other technology like automatic light bulbs and thermostats and stuff like that. DIY, do it yourself and you feel better, you sleep better and so on. Just get static out of your mind and focus on things. And by the way, this isn't TV shows. Even though some are good, you can find some actually helpful things if you really want to watch something passively. You can find really good content creators on YouTube. It's just a matter of sorting through the fluff to avoid people who are doing it purely for making money for themselves or they really just want to help others by sharing their wisdom for posterity and for the record before it gets memory-hold. I don't know. So that's it. Reduce your news, especially those cable channels and so on. So that's my little rambling for today. I hope somebody got it to the end. So please subscribe, hit the bell, all that stuff. Thank you for watching.


Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley.com And I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today our topic of bad-ass reaction to when he pulls away bad-ass All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button at the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly These are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos in my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and depending on the questions You ask in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you So check out the link below to my group called midlife love mastery. All right Let's talk about a bad-ass reaction way to Handle if a guy pulls away disappears ghost goes silent all those things that you hear about breadcrumbs and whatnot You know the reality is when when an individual Begins to invest in another individual and you begin to bond with that individual and you start to develop a friendship You start to develop a connection you start to develop feelings you have emotions for a person it can be Incredibly painful to experience when someone starts Emotionally pulling away they not just physically pulling away But also emotionally pulling away, and I think we should address both the physical and emotional the physical is when they actually stop Communicating with you. That's a sign that they pulled away pulled back something gone. Silent doesn't necessarily mean they've ghosted yet and we'll talk about that in a moment and Then there's the emotional pulling away, which might have happened prior to the actual Pulling away in other words there there you could just get that sense that they're just not leaning in Emotionally into the relationship And that can wear on our hearts emotionally They can wear on our hearts emotionally because the challenge is also that the number one emotional health issue facing most people is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable, and I'm not likeable So when someone starts pulling away, they're emotionally or physically it can trigger our own stuff to say what's wrong with me in In fact dating triggers this like nobody's business and we're gonna talk about that in a second as well But when you've started to invest in someone and they begin to pull away it can be incredibly painful I know you've been there.  I'm gonna repeat that the dysfunctional dating practices today In fact, it almost occurs to me that dating is a relatively new phenomena that hasn't been around for that long It's probably only been around for 50 or 60 years because if you think back Hundreds of years ago, you know a lot of people like to think of the idea of courtship You know of getting to know each other Getting to know each other sitting out in the patio drinking mint Juleps together and getting to know each other while you're sitting on a Chased lounge or something like that or chaperone dates You know what the interesting thing about that? Do you realize that that all used to last a couple weeks? When a man and woman wanted to have sex together, they oftentimes got married really fast. They barely knew each other From a real connection perspective not necessarily now. They might have known each other's families They might know each other's friends because for the most part we used to connect with people in our tribes and our villages our towns Or a workplace, okay So there was a level of familiarity and the date in the process I was about to say dating but it wasn't dating the process was like that Now it's a whole different ballgame out there Especially because of these devices we are being introduced to people We wouldn't otherwise know in our daily lives and we're meeting total strangers And the challenge when when it comes to meeting total strangers is we know very little about them We don't know their family background. We don't know their friends when we're meeting a total stranger We don't know much about their lives.  Well, I don't want to give you that information yet. I barely know you It's kind of that stranger danger thing going on And yet what fascinates me and I started to laugh Is human beings will engage in sex without barely knowing another person? I'm gonna repeat that human beings will engage in sex barely knowing one another Without the understanding also that we bond through sex not necessarily men bond through sex, but women bond through sex So when you've had a guy that's come on strong. He's into you. He's expressed a lot of affection He's maybe been romantic in the early stages of dating and you actually start to let this person in It can be incredibly Incredibly painful when they start to pull away And I want to address what to do when that happens And yet we have to as I said before address the bigger monkey in the room And that is humans don't really know how to get to know one another at a deeper level and again When we're meeting total strangers, this can be very difficult This is why I'm an advocate for radical honesty right from the get go by being up front of what you're looking for By asking deeper questions. I call it radical honesty asking deeper questions But Jonathan all the other dating coaches don't mean not to interview guys because that's gonna scare them away Folks you want to scare away the wrong guy not to not that asking deep questions If it if it scares someone away or if it feels overwhelming to someone or if they feel turned off by it What does that say about the guy? And let's not forget the guys who lead with sex.  Okay, let me rewind for a second Obviously if men feel they can do this it must be working for some of them I'm gonna repeat that if men feel they can do this it must be working for some of them because I I'm gonna say the value of sex the error the the barrier to entry is almost minimal In fact, we've adopted a three-date rule that if someone hasn't had sex by the third date They're they're moving on to someone else and I'm here to say to operate from a different perspective In fact, if you follow my work, you know But I always say this before you have sex with a guy read the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman Read it together because this will build intimacy with each other. You can actually get to know each other at a deeper level because the real challenge today is That when the reason why someone is pulling away is because the roots of trust haven't been established in the Relationship the roots of trust Okay, now let me share with you five roots of trust I talk about in my private coaching By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you But the five roots the five roots are emotional connection economic agreement Social activities hobbies mutual interests family and friends and intimacy that's both physical and emotional intimacy Those roots are incredibly important that need to be developed in the relationship for it to have any legs For when you there's going to be conflict when there's going to be challenges Because here's the thing What what happens to a tree and a hurricane wind without roots It's going to blow away and that's what's happening in dating today is human beings are spending so little time developing these roots To actually strengthen the relationship because here's some of the reasons why a guy might pull away He might have chaos going on in his life. He might be going through a contentious divorce He might have issues at work. He might have issues with his children He might have physical issues going on These are all some of the reasons that cause men to pull away from the relationship because they're Overwhelmed dealing with their problems and there hasn't been enough trust built in the relationship To actually lean in and say I want my help from this person who's now beginning to become my partner In fact, humans spend so little time developing Partnership with one another and that's what my my whole coaching program. Listen, I know a lot of my contemporaries They got married young They you know They got married young and they're trying to sell you on the fantasy because they have that that Idealic relationship when you're in midlife. It's a whole different ballgame.    What am I gonna do about this now? You can do nothing, but how does that feel and by the way weeks go by weeks go by weeks go by how does that feel? Because you'll be thinking about it So I'm here to encourage something where we cut to the chase much quicker So I want to share with you if you've noticed that the guy has pulled away a little bit Let's differentiate between the guys you're just starting to date versus someone you've been in a relationship a little while Okay, someone you just start to date It's very natural because most the time we're dating people where we think of each other's as Maybe's as maybe's in other words. I don't know if I like this person yet It takes it roughly about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to actually really get to know someone at level one at state at level one Takes about a hundred hours So if you're not reached that point very natural men pull away and we'll talk about what to say to those guys I want to talk about if you're in a little bit more Seasoned relationship what to do what to say and what I'm about to share is a very bad ass Bad ass way to do this Okay, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses Here's my notes bump bump bump bump bump bump badass wait So what here's what I encourage my clients to do is to be proactive Being in your feminine is not being proactive Now people will tell you that if you're being proactive, that's being masculine Who gives a crap what definition masculine or feminine what you want to do is take charge of your life Take charge of your life Okay, and what you can say to a man if he pulls away is something along this lines You probably send it in a text message, but it could sound something like this. I'll use my name for example Hey, Jonathan I'm sensing you've had a change of heart exploring a fully committed relationship with me because it seems you've pulled back or pulled away While it's quite possible.  Warmly, you know, Suzanne or what your name, okay Now why I like this is it it requires if if he genuinely I'm assuming you've had sex together and if he genuinely cares about you He's going to respond and it requires him to look in the mirror and say what am I doing here? What am I doing here? Now by asking are you okay instead of where are we at in our relationship and by the way I've kind of I've kind of weave the two together. I'm sensing you're not interested in exploring a fully committed Relationship with me. So you're addressing that but you're ending with are you okay because that gives him a good Give you're wanting to know. Hey, I haven't heard from you. Are you in a ditch somewhere? Are you in a ditch somewhere? By the way, my coffee mug says sometimes you forget you're awesome And this is your reminder and I want to remind you that an awesome person takes charge of their relationship destiny They take charge of their life And so coming back to this script by sharing this it forces him It doesn't force him. That's not fair. It gives him an opportunity to respond. What's really going up? Now here's the thing nine out of ten times. He's done. Okay. He is done He just hasn't told you he's done. He's too much of a wuss to tell you he's done. This will force that conversation and It probably will give you he'll give you some BS excuse of why he's pulling away. He's got work issues He's got family issues. He's got this issues and he can't devote to a relationship and he's not ready for a relationship That's the usual line Now there's exceptions to the rule and if he genuinely cares about you he's going to say oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I've just been really busy. You mean a lot to me. I really I'm not I really want to apologize for being a Little bit distant. Hey, do you want to get together for dinner on Friday night or do you want to do this? That's what a guy will do if he genuinely cares about you and wants to explore a relationship He'll be going now you might be saying well Jonathan some men will react negative to this think about the men who will react negative to This the controlling men the selfish men the misogynistic men the patriarchal men Those men will respond negatively because they want to be in control of the entire relationship because they want a person at Their beck and call and that's not who you are.  This is why I want you to check out a couple books First off, I definitely want you to check out the book personhood personhood by Lee. I can't pronounce his last name I want you to check out this book. I want you to check out the book the subtle art of not giving enough and Lastly, I want you to read the book by Joe to spend that's Mark Manson by the way breaking the habit of being yourself and why I'm sharing these books today is because I real bad-ass bad-ass Is to Be in charge to take charge of your life. That is not masculine. That is not feminine. That is called empowerment Empowerment and I want you to be empowered in your life by leaning into this message to to push a Conversation nine out of ten times. He's gonna give you some, you know Wussy reason what's going on and then one out of ten times. I'm guessing and by the way, I'm making up these numbers He's gonna actually go. He's gonna lean into I'm really sorry and please forgive me All right, that's what most likely will happen to the guy who genuinely cares about you Okay, I think you get a gist of where I'm going here folks. I Encourage you to take charge of your relationship destiny. Do not give it to the guy You are in charge of your destiny. Not the guy. All right, okay I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you have anything you'd like to add I'd like to hear about it. If you think you have a different script Please write it out as well. If you like my t-shirt your mug my mug, please let me know We're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic John the bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more. Oh, wait, wait, wait my salty teddy bear This is my salty teddy bear. Give it a hug as well. All right Wishing you a bright beautiful and blessed day. Take care now