Hey, everybody has heard about floating and accepting and willfully tolerating. Today we're going to talk about a word I like to use, which is surrendering to anxiety and panic. It's Monday, which means it's recovery Monday is episode 13. So let's get rocking here. Let us call up the chat. Let's see who is showing up. Hopefully everybody will start to roll in. I have a feeling that this will be a large turnout today because of the break. Hey, everybody, we are in the middle of holiday break. I hope everybody is doing as well as they can do. Uh, thank you be. I appreciate you. I will put the chat overlay up so you guys could communicate with each other and see what's going on. As you guys wander in, just say hello. Let me know that you're here. Uh, I hope everybody is having a good break. I expect a relatively large crowd because a lot of people are not working this week. Hey, Anna, what's going on? Look, I got, I'm in my cool swivel stool. Like Santa brought me a stool. My desk is at one of those standing sitting desks and I was tired of having a chair that wouldn't fit under it. So I got a stool for Christmas. Yay. Uh, go make. Um, anyway. Hey, everybody, Whitney. Everybody is here. What's up guys? So today we're going to talk about surrendering to anxiety and panic, which I know, don't freak out on me here. I know that's like a scary word, but it's really not what it seems. Right. So, uh, the first thing that I want to say about surrender, and then we're going to get into this is we are not surrendering to anything actually dangerous. I would never tell you guys to surrender. Hey, Epic Fox is here. Um, what up? So I would never tell you guys to surrender to actual danger. All right. So that's always a super important part is to, to remember that we're never actually doing dangerous things here. We're doing things that you think are dangerous, that really feel out, feel dangerous, but we're never doing dangerous things. We're doing difficult things and scary things. All right. But that doesn't always equal dangerous things. So keep that in mind as we talk about the concepts of surrender, which I know that word gets a bum rap and I'm not a fan of surrender in general, cause I've, that's not necessarily my personality, but I think it applies here and I'll tell you what. Now, before we do that, I'm going to like, this is a little bit shameless plug time, right? So if you guys have been following along, you know that I have a new, uh, project called the anxious morning that is launching on January 3rd. So if you go to the anxious morning dot email and sign yourself up, it is completely free. It is an email newsletter that comes out every weekday morning and a podcast that comes out every weekday morning, shows up right in your inbox, totally free, a little bit more in depth conversation and discussion of a different topic every day, 260 weekdays that we have in 2022. It's going to be great. I have most of the content for the first six or eight weeks already loaded and ready to rock. We're going to have guest bloggers. It's going to be really good. So go to the anxious morning dot email and get yourself registered if you have not. Uh, and I will also be giving out links to where you can listen to that new podcast on Spotify and Apple and all that stuff. Nothing will change in the regular podcast, but the anxious morning is launching on January 3rd. I've been so excited to do that for like a year and we are ready to rock. So go check it out. All right. So let's talk about surrender. The reason why I started talking about surrender is that, you know, being a huge Claire Weeks fan like I am, she always uses the terms float and accept. And we hear about acceptance all the time and I've watched so many people and look, if you love the term float or accept have added, I've no problem with that. I'm not telling you not to use those things. But one of the issues that I run into all the time is people get really confused by the terms float and accept. And my gut tells me, I will never really know this, of course, but like maybe one day I'll get to meet her in the afterlife. Who knows? But what I might gut tells me that Dr. Weeks had access to the internet and she had the benefit of continuous feedback and I was real time and everything she said, I think she might actually change some of those words or at least be more detailed in her explanation. People seem to think that floating is a good thing. Like I'm supposed to float through anxiety, which means I'm supposed to be able to sort of get above it. And it should not feel so bad. I should rise above it. That's not what she was talking about. And accepting, meaning, oh, OK, I have to like this, like acceptance and floating are two words that have kind of positive connotations. Floating has that cloudy, pleasant, feels good kind of feeling that we attach to that word, because we're so verbal and in the way we process language. And acceptance is like accepting means you got to like it. And so people get really confused. How am I supposed to accept this? And how can I float over it? So I like the word. You know, Michelle, you don't have to search it. Just go to the anxious morning dot email in your browser. It's it's actually that's a URL. You can use that or you go to the anxious morning dot com if you want. And I'll send you over that way. Anyway, one of the reasons why people get confused is because of the connotations of those words. I get that. So some of some other people have come up with other ways to talk about it. Josh Fletcher, one of my favorite frequent collaborators and a friend of mine says willful tolerance, which I love willful tolerance is a more accurate description for sure. People do use the word tolerance a whole lot more navigate through move through. I like surrender because it is a brutal and unambiguous word. And in a way, that's good for us. Right. When we surrender to this, again, I'm going to keep reminding you, we're not surrendering to death. We're not surrendering to actual incapacitation or insanity or dangerous things.  And surrender is just about giving up the fight. So when people say, how am I supposed to accept my anxiety? How should I? How am I supposed to accept panic? How am I ever supposed to float past that? I would say, try not floating just surrender. And I mean that in the truest sense of the word like surrender, the way to win this war. This is a thing that I wrote about. I actually wrote this years ago. The only way to win this war is to stop fighting it. It is very paradoxical. So much of recovery is paradoxical. It doesn't make sense, like from a common sense point of view, somebody popping into this live stream and say, this guy is crazy.  Like the way to win the anxiety war, if you want to see it as a war is to stop fighting it. And so surrender is literally means exactly what it says. And people hate this, but it is clear and ambiguous. You give up the fight. I will not fight it anymore. I will let it do whatever it wants to do to me. I will let it bring whatever horrible fate I have imagined for so many weeks, months or years. I will let it make me insane. I will let it kill me. I will let it make me pass out. I will let it make me fall down. I will let it make me lose control. All the things I will let it make me not breathe.  I dare you to do it. In a way, it's the surrender. There's a defiance in the surrender. I know surrender sounds like such and sometimes has a negative connotation. Because like, what do you mean? Like, there's no way. Like, I can't possibly, you know, I can't possibly surrender. I'm not going to give up. Surrender doesn't mean give up recovery. Surrender means give up the fight in the moment. Because really, that is what will advance your recovery when you try to fight it, because you think you're supposed to be a warrior and you're in a war and you have to, you know, battle the anxiety dragon. The reality is you the better way to win that war is to stop fighting it. So we're not giving up.  I terrified surrender is give up the fight in the moment so that you can advance through that experience down further in your recovery. That is why I say surrender. What makes surrender so scary is that there's no sugarcoating that you can't you just don't get to sugarcoat that surrender. Literally is like, oh, no, it's going to come and get me. Yeah, that's exactly right. But we are basing this on the premise that it never actually does come and get you. You have been fighting against a fate that never happens again and again and again and again. So the best way to learn that I don't have to fight anymore is to stop fighting, right? So that is why I like the word surrender because it's a little bit brutal, but it's completely and utterly. OK, I'll answer some questions in a bit because I know what I pretty much know the two questions that will that will dominate the comments right now. The the object of the game here is let it let it do what you think it's going to do because when it doesn't and it never does, that is the only way we will believe that it is toothless. So if you want to look at this, we see all the metaphor that the anxiety warrior is, you know, is slaying the dragon and you're at war and you're battling the enemy. OK, fine. But the only way to learn that the enemy is weaponless and toothless is to go ahead and let it take its best shot at you. And then nothing happens, nothing ever happens because this is also predicated on the idea that being afraid and thinking scary things is not a disaster. If you think that recovery is about learning to never feel fear or control your thoughts or stop scary things from happening, you will be disappointed forever because as human beings, we do not get to decide what we think. We are like overdrive connection machines. Our brains are amazing. So it will connect everything to everything else. And once those connections are made, this feeling is dangerous. You will not unthink those connections, no matter how hard you try. I'll say it again. You cannot unthink the connection between anxiety, panic and danger. No matter how hard you try to think, talk, read, listen to songs, inspirational lyrics, prayers, memes, it will not work. It will not work because the connection machine that is up here will not unlearn those connections. There's no such thing as that. So we must have the experience, real experience in the real world that says this fate doesn't happen to me. I do not die. I do not pass out. I do not go crazy. I've never been insane no matter how close I feel like I have been to it. I never it never happens. And on top of that, all the scary sensations and thoughts that I experienced that I think are leading me to that fate have never incapacitated me ever. They never they have they've never incapacitated me no matter what you have done, all the all the mantras and this too shall pass and I'll warrior and it's this and this is OK. OK, I'm OK. I'm OK. That's never done anything. If you did nothing, you would still move through this. That is the ultimate experience that teaches us that you do not need special evasive action to get through it. I can't express that strongly enough. And I know that you may be listening like, no, that's crazy. I need to do I need to do things in response to my fear. OK, you you have a right to make that choice. But every time you do things in response to your fear and say, well, this helps me or this this gets me through it. Well, then you're basically saying that you need to find a special way to get through this thing. And that isn't really working out for you so well because you hear watching this video, right? So I always like to be really brutal about that. If your life is great the way it is, then you're welcome to not ever surrender. That's totally fine. I'll support you on that. But that's OK. OK, so that is the deal with surrendering. I know it's brutal and I know that nobody wants to do that. But but this is this is the way it goes. But you can call anything you want. Call it acceptance, call it floating, call it all of those things. Call it willful tolerance. I like Josh's words. It's totally fine. All right, it's totally fine. Whatever works for you in the end. And by the way, if you really like float and acceptance, which Dr. Week said, then by all means use those two. Like whatever is working for you is OK. But I like I like to explain when people get confused by float and accept. I like to surrender because it is very unambiguous. OK. So I'm going to address I'm going to go through the comments here. And hey, it's it's like nobody's calling me. I have no appointments after this. So we'll go we can go a little longer if we wanted today. It's fine. Got time today. So I'll go through the comments. But before I do that, I want to address what I'm sure. Before I even read the comments, I know that there are going to be there's going to be one major question or theme here through a lot of these comments. I would bet my life on it. But what if in many of the comments I haven't really read? Well, probably. But what about when? But what about when? But what about when this symptom happens? But what about this thought? But what about this scary thing? So there's always a but you're going to throw some but at me. But what about nausea? Right. But what about feeling like I'm going to pass out? But what about thinking you're going to die? But what about that? Like it's special and it isn't because the part that you're missing here is the part where courage is one of the ingredients in recovery. It just is. I wish it wasn't. I don't want to tell you guys that. But when you will insist that like, but I can't do that, my body is telling me to respond. I have to do this. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You don't have to do that and not doing it is a matter of courage. And I hate to have to tell you that. But that is the answer to almost all of those things. Almost all of those things. But what about this symptom? But what about that thought? But how can I possibly when I have adrenaline panic and I feel like I'm going to die? OK, surrender to that. OK, go with it. Right. Go with. So that's probably the answer. And I'm not just, by the way, just a word on courage. Courage doesn't mean you don't you're not afraid, by the way. Courage just means that you are terrified and you do what you need to do anyway. And we learn to exercise our courage muscles. And I believe in my heart that everybody has courage. We all have courage. If it was something that was really important to you and it was something that was important to like a loved one, you would find courage pretty quickly. You wouldn't even think about it. And in this situation, you're just convinced that like, no, this is not a place where I can be courageous, but I know you can. And courageous means you act even when you are afraid. Brave people are not unafraid. Like I was terrified. I was terrified all the time. Everybody that is courageous is afraid. If they weren't afraid, they wouldn't have to be courageous. They would just do stuff. So courage is not being afraid. Courage is doing stuff even when you don't want to do it because you're terrified. So it's not failure if you're afraid. It's not. And courage teaches us lessons. I understand that this this courage looks like a leap of faith. I'm asking you to take a leap of faith. Everybody that came before you is asking you to take a leap of faith. All the recovered people that came before you are asking you to take a leap of faith that we did it too. We did it. Dr. Weeks did it. Like everybody did it. Josh did it. Kimberly did it. Like all the people you see me collaborate did it. Lauren did it. Like we have taken the leap and we did not hit the ground. There was a net to catch us. There's a safety net and it's not a drop to the death, even though your brain is swearing that it is. So it is a courageous leap of faith that begins to let you see this new way and you don't know it until you do it. So that is the relatively long answer to, but what about this? But how do I surrender to courage, courage, courage? It was my second podcast episode all the way back in 2014. I'm going to talk about more of that. In fact, I have a bunch of episodes in the anxious morning about courage, or I talk about that. So it's really good. All right. So let me go through some questions and comments. Hello, everybody. I'm sorry for people that I missed.  I'm glad you're all here. Netherlands, you guys are from all over the world, man. I dig it. And I love when you talk to each other, which I could see that going on right now. This is great. OK, so let's see here. Have you mastered the Floating Clare Weeks? Carol asks, I'll put some up of these on the screen. We'll go over these. Have I mastered the Floating Clare Weeks talks about? Yeah, I would absolutely say that I have. I can experience, I experience anxiety sometimes. I have anxious days like I'm a human being. I even can experience panic, but I can absolutely float or accept like Dr. Weeks says, there's no doubt about it. I am floating through that panic. I just don't react to it. So it comes, it washes over me, it hits its peak and it drops back down pretty quickly. So if I do experience panic, which can happen to me a couple of times a year, I am not joking. It's over in a matter of minutes, really minutes. Now, there's always that little 15, 20, 30 minutes sort of aftershock where it takes a while for your body to come fully down. But the peak of the panic is over really quickly because I do that. So yes, I have done that, but that took a lot of practice. It took a lot of practice and I had to be courageous, right? So George just greased Belly Garage. I love the name. Oh, God, I got such a kick out of like creative screen names. Thank you. I'm getting so much better, but it takes practice and dedication. Hell, yeah, it does. This is not a thing that you just decide to do. First of all, we don't just decide to be courageous. We work on that. We get better at it as we go. Second of all, we don't just decide to surrender. We have to get better at it as we go. We don't just decide to think differently about our anxiety and our fear. We have to that changes over time. The experience changes over time, over time, right? So very good. Thank you for acknowledging that. It does take work, but it is worth it. It is worth it. Okay, so let me keep going through. Sorry for folks that are in the Facebook group. I can't see your name as I know Cathy Kay is here. Welcome, Kay. Let's see here. Surrender is the perfect word. Acceptance, okay, let's see here. Here's a little thought on acceptance. I'll talk about this stuff. Acceptance is when intrusiveness lose their intrusiveness. And when there is no anxiety, the cycle is just like, yeah, that's really good. You're absolutely right. When you get that and you fully do that floating and acceptance thing and you become non-reactive, the reason why you become non- I'm gonna explain that for a second. The reason why acceptance and surrender and willful tolerance, all these things leads to that is because it can't be intrusive anymore when you're not afraid of it. Like nobody would call a thought about peanut butter intrusive because it has no meaning to us. We don't care about peanut butter, right? I don't think about peanut butter all day long, who cares? But if you're thinking about insanity or death or something like that, then of course you think that's really important. So we call that intrusive and we don't like it. But when we are no longer afraid of the process of those thoughts, not so much the thoughts themselves, but when we're no longer afraid because we understand the process that causes that, like, oh, I'm thinking again. I think about a lot of things. None of them are that important. Then it changes. And the same thing holds true with our anxiety symptoms. So the reason why acceptance and floating of us have works is because experientially we learn to track against reality instead of only, really there are technical concepts here, but instead of following blindly the rules that we have learned cognitively and verbally, and those of you that are first, you're gonna hear a lot of act in this, but instead of just blindly following those rules that we have been given up here, we track against reality and we learn from that. Reality keeps showing me that this doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. And the scary sensations that I have never actually incapacitated me, I always get through them. So that's good. I like that. Okay, this is good. The floating thing, I think she was, Dr. Weeks was really talking about the water thing. Like you're not, you're in the water, but you're not fighting against it. So, okay, this is a really good, I like this because I always try to explain floating is, imagine floating in the water, you're not floating above the water. You're still in it. So you're still wet. When you float, you're still wet. So think of it that way. Like if you're floating on water and using it as a literal like water type analogy, consider that you're still wet, right?  So you can't really think about, you can't really think about like not being wet. You'll always be wet, all right? So I'm gonna keep scrolling, keep scrolling, keep scrolling. Take that down. Thank you, Kate, and some comments. Let's see, 90% of anxiety, it's OCD. You can't tell her and see that that's it. That's true. That's true. Okay, I'll throw this up there. We'll use this as the example then. And I'm sorry, I don't mean, I'm not trying to single anybody out. Believe me, everybody in the room is thinking the same thing. So it's not just you, all right? How do I surrender when I'm so afraid for the panic attack actually dying? That's the part where the courage comes in. So for me, it was always a fear. I never had the insanity fear. Although with derealization and depersonalization, I would fear slipping away. I could never really define what slipping away meant or disintegrating. I had a feeling of disintegrating or slipping away. That was really scary. But for me, it was always a fear of death.  So in the context of being afraid that the anxiety signals impending death that the anxiety will kill you or that it actually is indicating that death is coming. But insert whatever your fear is here. Consider that surrender has a bit of defiance in it also. Like surrender is an aggressive word, but there's defiance in surrender. Surrender basically says, I'll put my hands down. And if you wanna think of it this way, like go ahead and hit me as hard as you can.  So you can hit me as hard as you want.   So to me, surrender always had, there's a lot of active defiance in surrender. Surrender isn't necessarily passive. So in terms of death, I got to the point was like, well then you better come and kill me now because I'm kind of done with you.  And if you don't, then I'm gonna know who you really are. And I know that sounds dramatic and that's not really how it works, but there's a defiance there. There's a defiance in surrender. So let's see here. Ooh, you got Bungie jumping going on.  I've always described the safety net. Like there's a net down there. You think you're jumping off a 7,000 foot dark abyss to the rocks below but actually like six feet under that is a very soft cushion or a net that you didn't know was there until you jump. So the Bungie cord is good, Ellen's thing, I like it. Let's see here. What does Bethany have to say? Always love the Bethany comments. Not when there's no anxiety. Yes, excellent. Really important, really, really important. We practice that acceptance in that surrender when we are anxious so that we can do that forever when we need to, when we need to. Like when we have to do that.  But even in life in general, ain't nobody more recovered than me than I'm aware of on the planet. And a lot of people are at my level too. It's not just me. I don't have a monopoly on recovery but when I need to now, I can still do that because of the practice. So it will carry with you forever. Let us see here. Do you remember when you surrendered for the first time says, cat, I do. Like the first time I wrote about that in my first book, An Anxiety Story. I told that story. I was in the driveway of the house that I grew up in in the passenger seat of my mother's Ford Escort and which tells you how old I am because they haven't made the Ford Escort in a long time. And I was basically following the Dr. Weeks thing. She said, just let go and I did.  So I remember the first time I did it and I was amazed with a capital A that it worked. Like I had been, I was really on a downward slope in those days. And the first time I did that and I said, okay, this is what she says to do in the book. I did it and it peaked and it came back down. You know that moment when you're in the middle of the peak of your anxiety and then you know that it has turned and it is starting to come back down again. There's a moment that you recognize when you know you're starting to feel better. That was, I'm never gonna forget that feeling because it was literally a feeling of OMFG. It really worked. Like it really worked. I was thrilled. So yeah, I'm never gonna forget that. But it was freaking scary, man. It was scary. Let's see, practiced when I was doing my center. Okay, here we go. This is important because this happens over time when you practice. I noticed that when I surrender, anxiety goes away almost completely. I can give you what it sort of feels like for me sometimes. When I can feel that starting to rise, whether it's stress-based or whatever it is, there's a moment when I remember, like I talk to you guys all the time. I write thousands and thousands of words. I record hundreds of hours of video. Like I talk about this stuff all the time. And when I feel the anxiety beginning to rise on me, many times I'll have to remind myself, like what I tell somebody to do, like take your own advice trip. And that's when I remember, like, oh, that's right. Like put my chin out and remember that, take a swing at me, go ahead, let go, relax everything. And these days I'm so damn good at it that, and you will can be too if you practice it a lot. It just never, the peak never really happens. If I'm gonna experience panic, it's gonna happen really fast and completely almost out of the blue, which I know everybody says it's always out of the blue. But yeah, very good. That works out really well. That you can bring it back down. What happens there is it doesn't necessarily go away. The intensity just kind of levels off and your interpretation of it changes. Your interpretation of it changes. So the physiology of anxiety is always the same. It's always the same. Like let me, 24 minutes, I'll go into that a little bit. The physiology of anxiety and panic is always the same. It never changes. Our bodies are only capable of doing so many things, right? So you're still having a rapid heartbeat. You're still having changes in galvanic response. You're still changes in respiration rate. You're still having all of those things, changes in muscle tone. You just interpret it differently so it doesn't feel as intense. And when it doesn't feel so intense, you're sending that signal back down the chain that says, oh, everything's okay. And so the alarm starts to quiet down. Like, oh, everything's okay. We'll turn the alarm off. So you get that residual adrenaline. It does what it does and it goes away, but it never feels so intense. That's what that is. It's not that it is less intense. It's just that it feels where you interpret it as less intense. That's the difference between, oh, I can do level six panic, but I can't do level 10. The only difference between level six and level 10 is what you think about it, all right? Let's see here. Thank you, B. I appreciate you going in there on that. Let's see here. What about bouts? Okay, let's bring this up really quick. Julie, how are you? Good to see you here. What about bouts or feeling depression coming over you? All right, so we're definitely not gonna get about depression today, but I have been there too. I've been clinically depressed three times in my life. And here's what I have learned in my own experience and from some very, very smart people who specialize in treating depression. We do not surrender to depression. There's a certain amount of, like you can't fight the thoughts. We don't ever wanna fight the thoughts or judge the thoughts as like, see, I'm thinking this thing, which means I'm gonna forever be depressed. But depression is all about activation and challenging, but challenging in terms of like, I don't wanna do anything, but I have to do things. I wanna just lay in bed, but I have to get up and brush my teeth and shower and feed myself. I don't really wanna engage with the world because it seems pointless, but I'm gonna pick up the phone and call a friend and just fake it for 15 minutes. So there's never a passive surrender to depression. Depression, everybody I've ever talked to that is a clinician that treats patients with depression. We'll talk about things like behavioral activation where you're always going at it a little bit. Now, that doesn't mean that depressed people get up and climb mountains to become not depressed. That's a little bit romanticized. You might see that in movies, but even the simple act of getting up and getting dressed and going to work if you have to or talking to somebody or having a meal with somebody, even when you don't think there's a point to it, those things make a difference. So we don't just, there's no passive waiting around and surrendering to depression, right? It's important, but always talk to your therapist about that, right? So let's see here. Presto, early when you started to do nothing is talking to yourself. Let me throw this out. I know this is, look, this is a really nuanced kind of thing. I get why this is confusing. It's talking to yourself, it's saying not gonna react to you. Is that still fighting against it? Here's the way I like to look at this. Like when you are going in, when you are like, I'm going in, okay? That's it, here it comes. I feel the anxiety is rising. You gotta do something about it. What am I gonna do? You can make those framing statements. There's nothing wrong with that. Like, okay, I remember what I have to do. I gotta be non-reactive. I'm just gonna let this go. No mantras, no soothing self-talk, no escape, no snapping rubber bands, no calling my mom, whatever it is. Here we go. So yeah, it's totally okay to remind yourself, oh, I have to do this thing now, and then you go do it. So there's nothing wrong with that at all. Those statements that set you up for like, okay, here's what I have to, I know what I have to do. And then you go and do it. That's totally, completely and utterly fine. There's nothing wrong with that. And in the middle of surrender, there's always gonna be thoughts. You will have thoughts.  It's okay, you don't get to decide what you think. So some people think that somehow it's this iron clad, like, no, I will never see that I'm gonna be okay. Like that's, you can't decide that, but you just can't get caught up in that. You can't get caught up in repeating, yeah, I will be okay, I will be okay. It's just anxiety. You can't get caught up in that stuff. Because when you do, you wind up in the situation where you think that that has saved you, but it didn't. So let's keep going. Yes, what about exit doesn't matter? Imposter syndrome, driving anxiety is a little different animal. I'm not sure how, Michelle, I'm sorry, I'll put up on the screen real quick. I'm not sure how imposter syndrome and driving anxiety go together. I'm just not understanding. So I'm really, I'm sorry, if you wanna try and clarify, I'll do the best I can here. Okay, cool, this I like. Claire Weeks said, point your body at the day. Yes, yes, that's a great, I love that quote because to me, I also talk a lot about doing the, I also talk a lot about what I call, and I wrote it in the anxious truth, I don't know, the morning effect, which is you start your day instead of laying there and ruminating and thinking about how terrible you feel and examining your state. Am I anxious? Am I not? Can I do stuff today? You have a plan, you get up and you execute that plan.  You point your body at the day, like Claire Weeks said. And I think one of the first couple episodes in the anxious morning, and the reason why I have the anxious morning coming out in the morning, except if you live in Australia or New Zealand, I'm sorry, but the reason why it's out there in the morning is for that reason to help you point your body at the day, as opposed to just sitting passively and living up here and running simulations of the day and how bad it's gonna be and evaluating, can I do something with my body or can I not? No, no, you just plan to do it and you do it. No matter how small that is, it's tremendously impactful, tremendous. Michelle says, I've been practicing being with the symptoms and a lot of my symptoms have lessens for sure. It's cool realizing that it's working, right? It's great, isn't it? It's so awesome. Let's see here, courage involves fear, surrender involves feelings. It's a good way to look at it. I'm just gonna scroll really quickly here so I'm never gonna catch up and telling myself I lied, it's just a panic attack. Okay, cool, this is that thing that I was saying. So Brandy, thank you for this. It's okay, that framing statement that says, okay, I'm gonna panic, here I go, I know what I have to do, I have to write it out. That's okay, I have that thought, I will still have that thought. So the last time I remember feeling that sensation, I documented it on my Instagram afterwards and I spent about an hour asking questions after a panic attack and somebody said, you know, what did you think? And I thought, oh, this is happening now. Like it's that realization of like, okay, here we go. And that's okay, here we go. Not a problem, that's really okay. This is good, my wife's a cardiac, my body is lying to me when I have symptoms, very good. I'm not gonna get into specific symptoms today. We're not gonna talk about but what about the symptom or that? Go ahead, do your worst, very good. Let's see here, okay. So Whitney, I'll address this because this is big. A lot of people will say like, well, I'm just not courageous enough, I can't do that. Like I'm not brave and I'm never gonna find it. But I think sometimes that's a misconception like what do you think bravery is supposed to feel like? Right, so the way I would tell you to respond to that and this is tough and my heart goes out to you because I understand that you feel stuck, right? You feel like you're never gonna be brave enough and I would ask you to consider, well, what does not being brave look like? Like what is that getting you? So look at the actions, not what you think. So separate when you can what you think and what you're feeling, right?  I feel, I feel, I feel, I think, I think. If you separate that for a second and step away from that for just a second and try to say, okay, what do I do when the chips are down? And how is what I do, not what I think, how is what I do actually serving my lack of bravery? Like what is that protecting me from? And when you look at what you do and then you look at that compared to the actual outcome, we track against reality as opposed to obeying our thoughts and feelings, we start to see that like, well, wait a minute, what do you mean I'm not brave? I am actually going through these symptoms. I've just thinking that somehow I'm protecting myself by saying I'm not brave, I'm gonna call my mom, I'm gonna snap a rubber band. That's not actually doing anything. So if you look at what you do, you'll always come to the conclusion like, oh wait, I am actually moving through it. I actually am, I'm not doing anything effective at all.  So a lot of people have a light bulb moment when you say that like, well, what do you think you're doing? That's that way you're not brave being brave is protecting you, I'm not, I can't be brave. But no matter what you do, it has been irrelevant. So you're still, you're still facing everything anyway. So there you go. Okay, so let's see here, I've been housebound for eight years and I made it so far in the last month. Excellent, it's never too late. Put it up on the screen. Everybody cheer, this is awesome. Housebound for eight years and made it so far. It is never too late. You are never too far gone for this. That is great, I'm really happy to hear that. Practicing surrender, very good. Practice makes perfect. I'm gonna keep rolling, keep rolling, keep rolling. Sleep in the middle of, panic in the middle of the night. Here's the difference between day panic and night panic. It's dark at night. That's it, same rules apply, right? Same rules apply. And I know you hate that answer, but the same rules apply just cause it's scarier to you. Doesn't necessarily matter. Let's see here. Will acceptance and courage help me come? Yes, again, I don't wanna address each individual symptom. Yeah, so when I feel like I can't breathe, okay.  But really that's what it is. So the need to like now I have to control my breathing. I have to make sure I'm breathing. No, like you can use some very basic things. You can make some very like, okay, I'm gonna belly breathe now instead of chest breathe. So there are a few things that you can learn. Diaphragmatic breathing is a big one because usually people who get into that, I'm afraid that I can't breathe will wind up making the mistake of trying to completely fill their lungs. Air hunger will make you try to fill your lungs up to here. And then you can't because your ribs don't expand that way. But if you can change that and belly breathe, it's not a magic shield, but suddenly reality shows you, oh, look, I am breathing. I actually am breathing. So there is one simple way to respond to that, which is by making sure that you breathe into your belly and push your stomach out as opposed to trying to fill your lungs up to your neck because that doesn't really work. And usually the change in sensation there will be enough to shift you into like, oh, look, I really am breathing. So there is a practical thing you can do there. You can try that, Jen, if you want, Gemma. Let's see here. You don't need self-confidence, very good. I love it. I love how you guys are always helping each other out. Very good. Let's see here. What about sensitized nerves?  That sensitization just means I am afraid of things that I normally wouldn't be afraid of right now. So sensitization is the topic we see all the time. Dr. Weeks talked about it all the time, but in the end, it's sensitization just means, oh, I'm having threat responses to things that I normally wouldn't see as a threat. So it's not anything special. It just means that, okay, these are different instances where I have to recognize, oh, I'm feeling a certain thing right now just because I'm having a threat response when none belongs in a lot of different contexts. That's all that is, Lucy, right? I'm gonna scroll to the bottom, bottom, the best I can here, because I'm gonna start to run at a time. Let's see here, got your book, blah, blah, blah. Symptoms of Universal, yes they are. I'm gonna keep scrolling through, hey, Melissa, how's it going? You got through before, so good, this is good. Jackie, I'm glad to hear you end your statement with I have to remember that I got through this before, because you did, you did. And I hope you feel better really soon. We all do, of course. Sometimes we actually do get sick, but you always wanna act based on what's going on right now, right now, okay? So there you go. So how do I surrender and say, bring it when my anxiety has actually brought it before? I've thrown up in public from my anxiety, okay? And what was the outcome of that? The outcome is you're still here, right? So again, we get in those situations where the demand, I cannot allow that to happen. I should never allow something unpleasant to happen is really a trap. We've all had unpleasant things. I'm not saying I want you to get physically ill in public over and over. That's not cool. It's not fun, but you can't call that a disaster because if you're gonna declare it a disaster, this will be very difficult to get past. It was a bad experience. That's true. Human beings have bad experiences universally every day. We just don't always declare them disastrous. If you are, you're gonna have to really examine, well, how is that serving me? There you go. Oh, let's go, no, no, no, no, no. Here we go, here we go. About feeling it, you have to feel it keep going. Yes, you do. Let me throw this in here. So, and then I'm gonna, we're almost at the bottom. We're almost done, guys. Thank you. There's still almost a hundred of you here. Pretty cool. Claire Weeks said something about feeling it. You have to feel it to keep it going. That is true. So, acceptance and surrender back to the topic of this basically says, go ahead, go ahead. Do what you want. I'm not fighting you. And anxiety is really bad at thriving in a circumstance where it doesn't have anything to thrive on, right? It's true. Like they really have a hard time. And anxiety is a really hard time doing things when there's no fuel for it. And when you let go and surrender, you're not adding that additional, you're not sending those signals back down. It says, we gotta fight, we gotta fight, we gotta fight. So, you are taking the fuel away to a certain extent. Not instantaneously, but over time, you're absolutely right. So, there you go. No, no, no, no, let's see here. Some of these comments are super long. And again, you're gonna have to go back and watch the rerun if you can. How do you float through constant high anxiety and pre-anticipatory anxiety of not going to the doctor? What are you gonna do, right? Again, you have to really start to come to grips with the thinking habit that says, if I think and I worry and I think and I worry and I ruminate and I act upon my fear, I'm doing something, but really you're not. So, it's always kind of the same questions. It really is always, I'm sorry, the same answers in a way. So, I'm sorry, I don't have anything to answer here, but I can still practice anxiety and still share about it. Yeah, very good. Depression makes it hard for me to participate in the Facebook group and the group does not really respond to both about depression. This is a good example. So, Kathy is dealing with depression right now and Kay, we're all with you here and hope you're feeling better, but so it makes it hard for her to interact socially like in the Facebook group because you just don't want to, I get that. So, sometimes you're faking it in a way, but participating in the anxiety discussion is part of that challenging of depression. So, good job Kay. I know you're working hard on that. I know that's not coming easily. So, there you go. Okay, I think we're about done. I'm gonna get to the end here. Nothing much, I can't really answer all of them. I really wanted to, but I'm never gonna make it all. All right guys, I think we're about as good as we're gonna get here. 40 minutes is about as far as I'm gonna go. So, hopefully you guys have a good feeling for the surrender situation and what surrender means if you're having a hard time in a situation where like I don't know how to float. I can't accept this. I will not accept this. I can't, but how do I accept this?  In the end, that's really what it's all about, right? It's really what it's all about. And then just one last reminder, if you haven't already signed up for the anxious morning which launches on January 3rd, go to the anxious morning.email. Everything is free. The emails will come with three to 500 words and a podcast episode embedded in the top, by the way. So, you get the email and the podcast all the one time. And if you hop on over to the anxious morning.com I will put all the links and stuff there where you can listen to the podcast. So, thank you very much guys. I appreciate you guys supporting each other. I see those discussions going on that I just can't keep up with because there's too many comments. And we'll see you guys next Monday. Recovery Monday 14 will be next week. I don't even know what we're talking about. We will be here and I hope you will be too.  Keep moving forward. Don't retreat under the covers for 10 days please. All right, see you guys next week.


It's when trying to change when we try to change others those God called us to honor And we're gonna deal a little bit with the issue of authority when instead of honoring people We are trying to change them I'm gonna mention three authority in your life that we usually try to change one kids trying to change parents to Wives trying to change husbands or husbands trying to change wives And number three when members of the church trying to change the pastor Pastor should change the members but members shouldn't change the pastor Well, the members should influence the pastor When parents when kids trying to change their parents you must understand as a child in your family Whether you have your own family today, but you have your parents Christ Jesus did not call you to change your parents He called you to honor your parents You may say well, my parents are not worthy of honor.  Could you help me kind of give me some advice?  You will quickly find out. You're not omnipresent omniscient and omnipotent Sometimes we waste a God. Let me change my parents and you do the honoring Take your place and let God take his can somebody say amen


Hi this is Jessica Hagman with the Ohio University Libraries and in this video I'm going to show you how to find trade publications for media industry topics. Trade publications are usually magazines that are aimed at an audience of people in a particular profession. To find those trade publications for media industry topics I'm going to use the communication and mass media complete database. Starting from the library homepage I'm going to click on the databases tab and then do a search for communication. We want communication and mass media complete which is the second option. And then on the next page you should have a purple connect button to take you to the database. If you're off campus at this point you'd be asked to log in with your Ohio ID and password. The topic that I'm interested in is how Twitter has affected the way people watch television so I'm going to type in the word Twitter as my first word and television as my second and then click search. I came up with 93 articles which isn't too bad of a number but a lot of these are academic journal articles which are not what I want right now. So I'm going to scroll down and use the limiter on the left hand side to click on trade publications and limit my search to just those results. Now you'll see that I just have articles from trade publications like broadcasting and cable and advertising age. To see more information about an article you can click on the title so I'm going to click on this one about when did Twitter grow up and I see that this article is from advertising age from February 2013. I see the author and then I also see a link for the full text when this is how I actually read the article. Alright so here's the article about Twitter and how it's changed over time. If I wanted to save this article I could email it to myself using this option over here on the right hand side. I could also print it and create a citation although I'd want to check that for sure or use the permalink option to save the link to this page. The URL at the top of the page usually won't let you come back to this page. So that's been a very quick look at how you can find trade publications for media topics. If you have any questions be sure to contact me and let me know how I can help.


Hey you guys so it's time for another hair video and this time it is a comparison video I used to do these quite often What I shouldn't say quite often I have a couple of these type of videos where I compare two very similar hair products Just to see how they do on my hair. So this one is going to be a leave-in comparison We have the can-to leave-in conditioning repair cream You see that this is an old you bug goodie and then we have the African pride moisture miracle coconut oil And bubble oil bagel bath. I'm sorry bagel bath oil hydrate and strengthen leaving conditioners So I've been using both of these products for a while the can-to more so than the African pride product I do have official reviews on both of these products. So you guys what we're going to do is just an old school Product review, but I'm gonna go ahead and read some ingredients and just to give you an idea of the consistency of both of these products Okay, so for the can-to I'm going to use on this side and then for the African pride on this side, okay? Can-to is a great product in my opinion I do feel like that they changed their Formula oil says it right here baby. It says new improved formula The can-to product has no alcohol and it has no silicone no cones The reason why I feel like it has changed its product the formula feel like it changed a while back and It sometimes it can leave a bit of a residue. So you have to really work it in your hair Especially if you're or using it for a wash and go which I've done several times I do like that. This product is thick, but you can definitely Smooth it out. This is the consistency.  You see that Very very creamy No, really no real fragrance to it. You know, it has a light product fragrance But nothing too heavy if that makes sense and I do like that it comes in a fairly large size container here This is 16 ounces next up. We have the African pride now the African pride Same thing it has no pair of beans. No mineral oil No petroleum Okay, and so I believe this is 16 ounces to it not 18 ounces. Let me see. It's actually 15 ounces All right, so the consistency is that of again of a Light of a yogurt. I should say excuse me, but it's very light The difference in my opinion as far as the consistency. I find that this product is more creamier the can-to has a little bit of Chunkiness it's not consistent if that makes sense. This right here is a consistency and very smooth product Okay. Now if I were to give my Initial thoughts on which one it's going to win this battle of the leaving conditioners. I Don't know you guys. I'm gonna have to say it may be the African pride It may just be the African pride. So let me just go ahead and today is washed.  So we'll see how this turns out y'all, okay? All right, you guys, so I'm starting with the African pride.  This is a very creamy product Working it in from the root all the way down the hair shaft I also like to seal in the product with almond oil It get a little splashy, but I use just a little bit of oil to seal in the actual leaving young get that splash But anyway, just a little bit of oil to seal in the product And then I'm gonna go ahead and twist my hair in medium-sized twist. Okay Okay Okay, so this is the can-to side Yet again, I'm using a little bit of product and I'm working it in Yeah, I'm looking at the consistency and so it is a little bit Chunkier also with the can-to side I found that it sits on top of my hair So I really had to work the product in more so than the African pride side But yet again, just like the other side.  All right, you guys. Let me fill it Um This side with the African pride has it feels a little more residue. It's not if that makes sense This side not so much they both feel soft we're trying to look in the mirror behind me you guys I should probably get my other mirror, but They both feel pretty soft and okay, so let's take down the African pride. You better do good Let's take down the African pride side. I really want to wait until it's completely dry, but for now Interesting look at that juiciness. It feels really really good. And now let's take down this side That has to can too Do you see that? And you see this I knew it Yeah, I knew it now. This is kind of falling, but look at that. You can see this is kind of falling, but Even though I feel a build-up of some sort on there's not even a build-up. There's like a Greasiness but not really compared to this I'm gonna have to say that I like the overall feeling of my hair with the African pride I suppose to this this right here feels like the can too folks like I'm gonna have to reapply So we're leaving conditioner fairly soon or as the African pride I feel like I can stretch it longer if that makes sense. Yeah, you could even look at the difference can too African pride assumption was correct. Thank you girl. You did good. So That is it for this video you guys. Thank you so much for watching. Take care. Bye


These are some distant relatives of yours. Hello there. How are you? Hi. How are you?  How are you? Good. Hello there. Nice to see you. Hello. Well, why don't we gather here for a family picture? You in the middle. All right. Will, you've been seeing Washington. Yes, walking a lot. Right? Okay. Yeah, yesterday. Yeah, they're really nice. I still am not able to operate one of these, but maybe you can. Thank you. And this is a little charm. Thank you. A tie bar and a pin. Thank you. This joint. This joint. I remember that saying. Going on and on to y'all saying, you know, I don't know how you could stand and live with all this action all the time. I know. I wanted to show you here. Can you identify Maureen there? Oh, yes. Yes. These are some we just picked out real quick so you could look at them. I was dad with my grandma, which would be your aunt, right? Oh, yes. Catherine and then Charlotte. Do you remember? This is dad. I guess that was before the accident. I don't think I ever saw him once. After? He got a grown-up dad. This is a note. This one probably looks more like. Yes. But this is one we thought was really good. And we want you to have that from us. That's a picture of us. Well, thank you very much. Thank you. Could you please sign it? I'm going to keep this. Second page. I mean, this page and this. Oh, I see. I see what it is. Who's the first page? I'm here. Make sure I get the name right. Bradley. Right? No? You wanted to ask me a question yesterday. What were you going to ask? Where's Rex? Well, he's probably upstairs in the White House.  But he's got some regular hours in which he goes out and takes it around to the lawn and that's just one of them. We think we got a glimpse of him yesterday, don't we? And I looked at one of the books that you sent in my class. I saw that Rex did. I saw a picture of him. You just got Rex and I saw Rex now and he was a huge dog. Oh, now wait a minute. You saw a big dog? No, that wasn't Rex. That probably was Lucky. She was at the ranch.  Lucky's at the ranch and big, real big, big dog. But Rex is just a character who barks at everybody many times and seeing them. Maureen he can sit on her lap for an hour while we're sitting up there talking but when she gets up and starts down the hall to a room he chases her and barking at her as if she's a thief coming into the house. He's a character. Like most dogs. We've been asking this question for several days. Where does he look like he did? Oh, I can't believe it. I really can't. Dad finally let us here. We've read it in all kinds of books. There's no dying of hair, right? Unfortunately, me, Green, White, Ernie, White, Ernie, White too. But he colored his hair until... It turned orange one time. But Barbara tells him about 30% now. But it's all mine. I can't figure out if it's through the eyes or here but a lot of lightness. Do you remember? The letter that I wrote, is there any truth to the story about the Rock River and taking the girls down in the boat and somehow you guys ended up in the back with the ukulele and growing home. This is what he told us. Well, I remember back then it was a big fad about ukuleles and I was a lifeguard on the Rock River. But the boat was probably fabricated. No, but there were two on either side of the dock. There were two boats, row boats for lifeguarding and so forth. I was in charge. He always said, when I went out in the boat he said I came back on and he said don't touch the girls. He said I knew he'd go far. You must have something to say. She's our quiet one. Nothing. Nothing? Well, it's good to see you. Thanks so much for having us here. Have a good time. We're having a throw here in my lifetime. Good to see you. Bye bye. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you. That's the family coming in. This is Johnny. How are you? This is Tommy. Tommy. This is my wife and family. Why don't you get in the middle? Why don't the children line up in front? Well, I wish you love at the War College. I appreciate it, sir. Good to miss you. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for everything. It'll be a long time for the service. Really? We've loved him. He's very kind. We've loved him. Thank you very much. Guys, before we talk, you're not going to talk now? No? Why not? It's different on the other side of the camera. I'll tell you. Nice piece of paper. Your first name again is? Adrian. You've gotten a lot of mileage out of your jokes. I'm going to have to find another source. Thank you very much. We appreciate your time. I thank you for all that you've done. Say goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you very much. Good luck to you. Thanks, sir. Bye-bye. I think we better get right down to business here. The Department of Defense Authorization bills will arrive at the White House. I've got to act on it by August 5th. And let there be no mistake, this bill causes me considerable concern. And I suspect that everyone around the table agrees that the legislation is, to say the least, somewhat flawed. Tuesday's leadership meeting here of any of the participants, some of who were here now, or is that I vetoed the bill, but there are others who are words that I sign it. And about the old suggested, and Bob Michael can quote, that we hold another meeting so that I could hear a broad spectrum of views on the subject, so who you all are. And of course, I want Frank Carlucci to be able to comment on his position in the legislation, and to participate in a good dialogue with all of you. But let me turn first and to Frank and then to Bob Dole. Let me proceed with the general discussion. Well, thank you, Mr. President. I'll be very brief, if most people know the facts. If this bill turned out badly, I would have to consider recommending that I also met with the conferees in one point and laid out our concerns. Specifically, the bill cuts the funding of SDI. More significantly, it has internal earmarks on it which restrict our ability to develop the space-based interceptor. It cuts way back on the MX Rail Garrison has kind of a... Good luck and wish you well. Thank you very much. Thank you for all you've done. I want to step over here and introduce everybody that way. Mr. President, this is my mother, Sophia. Hello there. Nice to see you. This is my aunt. This is Anna Sends. Hello. Nice to see you. And this is my brother, Charlie. Hi. This way. This is my brother, Robert. Nice to see you again, sir. Good to see you. Good to see you, sir. Nice to see you. Well, I think they're going to want a group picture here in front of the fire box. So I'll find the ladies. There we go. Let's get inside. Sure. Okay. Can everybody turn slightly slide-wise and move each other? Sure. Can you squish in a little bit more? Make it feel fun. Okay. Well, I was just thanking him for all he's done. Wishing you well, but also had some souvenirs of your visit here. For his mother, isn't it? No, those go to Tom. Oh, thank you. It's very nice. I know you're old enough now to play with a pen now. Thank you. And this, that's right. This is for you. Thank you very much. It's a souvenir place. For two brothers to get key rings also. Thank you, sir. You get a pin with the seal. Thank you so much. I'm glad to see you all. Thank you. Because he told you that I'm working too hard. I know, but he has told us he wishes he could work for another four years with you. That's right. We're kind of hoping it might have worked out that way. We all agree. No, when I get out of here, nobody can accuse me of doing it for myself. I ask for part of us that I'm going to campaign to get rid of that amendment to the Constitution, which was only put there for a kind of revenge for Roosevelt. Yeah. Because I think it's an infringement of other people's rights. You ought to be able to vote for or wherever you want to vote for. I'm sure you had the support that would have brought another election to you. That's right. We've got mixed feelings. I'm not sure where they're at. That's right. You always hear the bad, but you hear all the good out there. I'm sure it would have happened. We'll be joining you in California, so we won't be too far. We'll be there. The open house will design you. That's Mark Arnberg.  I'm glad to see you're doing well. Well, that was probably the best picture I was ever in. It used to appear on a list of the 10 best pictures, and yet you know something? I've never been in a picture that was as panned by the newspaper critics as that one. Back in that era, that was that area in Hollywood, and it led to the big communist thing and all. Oh, yeah. The critics were on the other side and the director of the picture, King's Row, the director was one of the most spoken fellows about left wingers and so forth, that there's ever been. This was how they got even, and the FBI told me, it wasn't just a supposition of art, they told me that there were movie critics in the press in those days that they read their reviews to get a lead on other people in the business and the communist activities, because they said they'd pan a picture and say it was terrible and everything, but so and so it could be done with the limited material and they would then start following so and so. I remember the movie well, oh, I was heartbroken. At least they don't do that anymore, right? They don't make movies like they used to. I made a personal appearance and the town spoke as a matter of fact a graduation of a small college there some years later after that picture had been made because that was the town that was King's Row in the picture. And the writer was an inhabitant of that town and everything and the people there were pretty upset. They knew the people and identified the families that were the characters and all on the picture. I wasn't very popular there. Didn't hurt you so much. Thank you very much for having us. Thank you. We'll be treasured. I'm sure that your presidency will stand out as a shining star. History will treat you well, Mr. President. Thank you very much. I'm very confident of it. Thank you. We'll see you sometime soon. Come out and make another movie. It's really been an honor. I wish you well and thanks for everything. Pleasure spent morning. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you again. Thank you. I'm so happy. Thank you. Thank you. We look forward to seeing you in California. Thank you. Thank you. Bye-bye.


Water transport consists of the affiliated unions from all the major ports in the country. Totally there are 12 major ports, 6 major ports in the eastern coast and 6 major ports in the western coast. These major ports are presently governed by the Major Port Trust Act 1963. Now the government is planning to privatize these major ports in the name of structural change. Earlier the government wanted to give some amendment in the Major Port Trust Act. Of course we also agree with the Major Port Workers Federation representing the more than 65,000 workers in the major ports. We also agreed that it is to be amended because in the vicinity of each and every major ports some private ports have come. These private ports are not coming under the purview of the TAMP, what is called TAMP, TARIF authority of major ports. That means if any vessel comes to, if any ship comes to the major port they are charging certain amount which are prescribed in the major port trust act. Whereas the non major ports are private ports that has come up very recently near the vicinity of the major ports are not covered under the TAMP. So that they can very well attract the large number of ships and cargoes towards them. So in this scenario we also wanted to have the change that is amendment in the Major Port Trust Act. Earlier the government also constituted a committee we also contributed what are the changes to be made. But suddenly during the year of 2015, June, July by the direction of Niti Ayok. The Niti Ayok has given the direction to the Prime Minister of that in the pretext of structural change in the major port. The MPT act, Major Port Trust Act should be repealed and it should be replaced by the Major Port Authorities Bill. Now what is the difference between the existing MPT act and authorities bill? Under the MPT act no land of the port can be sold to anybody. In the Major Port Authorities Bill they have changed the act that these lands can be sold to anybody. Number one, number two, these ports are having huge fund with them surplus funds. Workers' gradually workers' pension and so far the money earned by the Port Trust every port more than 1000, 2000 crores the funds are there. These funds have to be deposited in the public sector banks alone according to the MPT act. Whereas in the new authorities bill, the bill says the money can be deposited in any scheduled bank. There is a play between the word scheduled bank and nationalized bank. Nationalized bank means only nationalized bank like Indian Bank, Bank of Baroda, State Bank of India like that is a public sector bank. But scheduled bank means the multinational bank like HDFC, Axis Bank, Yes Bank like that there are so many multinational banks are there. So, the authorities bill gives the way that this money can be deposited in the scheduled bank we oppose. And third important point is that the Major Port Trust Act says auditing should be done by the CAG. In the authorities bill say any chartered accountant can come and audit. That means there is ample chances of making the corruption and some corruption may also be hideout. It can be cheated by the some organization so that is why we oppose. So, now this bill was introduced in the parliament and finally we have represented a parliamentary standing committee on transport tourism and culture. As taken up the issue we have deposed before this parliamentary committee and at last what we said the ports are the coastal territory. It is safeguarding the national security and safety. We are mobilizing the people to come to Delhi on November 9, 10 and 11. By that way we feel that we will at least give some pressure to the government to change their attitude from privatizing the major ports in the country.


g memory I haven't really had to do that that much. Like in general the memory allocations are fast enough. You do need to think about a little bit about your allocation patterns if you're running really high performance code but in general the like memory allocations unlikely to be your bottleneck unless you're running really low level very high performance code. And if so you can use something like like Valgrind has some modes for measuring doing memory profiling. So I would use something like that or J Malik like just switching to J Malik might help enough or at least give you the introspection tools you need. Any good resources for system design in Rust? Do you find a difference from established enterprise languages? So I think API design in Rust and the way that you structure your applications is somewhat different. There's sort of a different expectation for how your modules are set up, how your APIs are designed. I don't know of any good resources that really talk about this. Like the zero to production series might be the closest I can think of for like how do you go about designing a larger system from scratch in Rust? I do recommend that you look at like Philip Opperman's writing in OS in Rust is pretty good about just how do you design the abstraction boundaries? But of course that's in the context of an operating system and not really in like a service oriented architecture. I don't know apart from that that there are any good like documentation on it. There's like some in the form of the Rust API guidelines which I highly recommend everyone read. But that's more at the level of if you're designing an API, here's a checklist of the things you should make sure you do. It doesn't really tell you like this is where your module boundaries should go or like this is how you should structure your design like the architecture of your system. I think high level architecture of like what should be the services that I think is fairly similar.  Mostly because like once you have generics that changes a lot if you come from a language without generics. Rust also doesn't really have the same introspection capabilities as Java. So you have to use slightly different patterns for being able to make things mockable for example. How might a junior software engineer get to a place where they can work with Rust at Amazon or AWS? Same procedure as getting to work with Rust at any company really like learn Rust and then look for a position at that company where they're looking for Rust expertise. It's the same as any other language. Like the role I'm in is a little special because it's not programming in Rust as much as it working on Rust. That is harder to get hired for just because there are fewer roles that do that. But what we're seeing increasingly in industry is that a lot of like service teams at the big companies are building things in Rust. And at that point it's like any other program language where if some service team is like building a thing in Java they're gonna put out like an open position that you can apply for that says like expertise in Java required and for Rust is the same thing like expertise in Rust required apply for those jobs. And I think the procedure there is the same as for any other language which is you gain some experience in the language you make sure that you sort of know what you're doing and then you apply for the positions. And if you're a junior engineer you apply for a junior engineer position where they don't require like five years of Rust experience, which would be hard anyway for most people but just sort of where they say something like experience with C or C++ is valuable, Rust experience is preferred. Like look for those kind of positions. Show the cats that we can say hello. She's sleeping. Oh, are you not sleeping? You wanna come say hi again? Is it cat break time? All right, let's get the cat. Do you wanna come say hi again? I'm sorry. Did I pull you away from a deep comfortable sleep? Hey, what are you seeing? What are you seeing over there? Anything interesting? Me. Do you wanna say something? I think they all wanna hear what you have to say. I think she just wants to go back to sleep or maybe just get scratches. Oh, where are you going? You gotta use your legs. She's just like, I put her on my lap and she just sort of like lumped over on the side and started sliding towards the floor, which seems not ideal. I was like, you gotta use your legs. Yeah, she's definitely half asleep. Her name is Chai. She's like one. So we adopt her from a shelter. So we don't know exactly how old she is, but the vet said around one. She is obviously very busy. It's true. She has a lot of stuff she needs to do. Like there's a lot of grooming that has to happen. Where are you? Now she's just sitting on the carpet over there just staring at my books. Maybe she's trying to figure out which one to read next. How hard was it for you to pass a fang interview? Any tips?  I still don't know why Netflix is in that group, but like it's like the big tech companies.  I don't know if I would say that it was hard, but it was just weird. Like I ended up doing like I had to implement quick sort. Just felt like a pointless exercise. I had to do like, one problem was like basically implement like designing like an elevator algorithm, which is kind of cool. I like those kind of conceptual problems better where you're still writing code, but you're really just being asked to think and that's what they're trying to evaluate.  And this ties back to the fact that I just don't think that you should memorize algorithms and data structures that much. You need to know that they exist, but how they work doesn't really matter because you can always just look it up if you need them. But in the technical interview setting, if you know that you're gonna get a quiz on how something works, you just got to sit down and learn them. And so that's what I did.  But I don't think it was that hard really. There were some like higher level, so some of the interviews are technical and some of them are more like behavioral where they're looking for like sort of leadership qualities as they call them or leadership principles. They're looking for sort of are you sort of, what can you provide in terms of skills outside of the merely technical? Like how do you work? How do you work with other people? How would you go about designing things? What experience do you have with designing things? Those kind of questions, which you can't really prep for, they give you some advice on like, there's like a whole handbook you get and I'm guessing this is the same for the other technical companies, like the kind of things that you should be thinking about ahead of the interview. Following that is like a bit of work. I don't think they're hard. I think what it really comes down to is whether you can sort of contribute things that the other people who apply for the role can't, which is hard to argue, hard to evaluate. I did have to do some whiteboard courting, although it was not on whiteboard, it was like in a shared editor, but a similar kind of thing. All right. Are you excited about the GCC Rust compiler? Already answered that question earlier. You think elite universities such as MIT and Harvard are worth it for CS degrees? This one's harder to answer. I'm inclined to say yes, just because like, sadly brand naming is a thing when it comes to where your degrees are from. Like, especially for people who are not themselves in academia or even in tech, like recruiters, they don't know the relative quality of different programs. They don't know that it probably doesn't matter that much where you got your CS education between, like if you went to, I don't even know which names to use, but like there's a certain amount of weight that comes with a name like MIT and Harvard, even though like the MIT and Harvard CS degrees are very different from one another, but externally people don't really see that and don't really know that. And it's just the case that like if you have one of those names on your diploma, like that counts for something even though it's unclear that it should. So in that sense, it does add some value. I think the bigger thing that the elite universities give you, elite is more appropriate, is you get to be around really top tier people. Like I think it's more about the community than about what you learn. Like the classes at MIT are pretty good. Like they're taught by good professors, but I don't know that they're like an order of magnitude better than the CS classes you would get at any sort of respectable university. I'm sure there are universities that are just bad CS educations. I'm positive that's the case. And the higher tier universities are unlikely to be in that category, although there are bad classes there too, but they're just less likely to be there. But I don't think that's where the value comes from. I think the value there comes from the community around you of both professors and other students that are really interested in what they're doing, really good at what they're doing. And you get to just like be around them and have random conversations with them and bounce ideas off of them. And that's where a lot of the value comes from. Can you make a beginner series for Rust explaining how various Rust features work? So I get this question decently often of can you do like a beginner friendly Rust stream? I don't want to do that. The biggest reason is because I don't think that's the best use of my time. I think that there are a lot of people who can do those videos and do them well and that many have already done so. And I think that it's more valuable for me to spend my time on the kind of videos that I'm not uniquely positioned to make but that I have experience making, I enjoy making and I'm able to make them. Like, I think that this set of people who can do a good video on, I don't know, types, bad example, how to write a function in Rust or how to work with standard in and standard out in Rust or how to write like tic-tac-toe in Rust or something like that. I think there's a lot more people who can make that video than someone who can make like a video explaining when you need multiple lifetime annotations in Rust, right? I'm one of the people who can do the latter. I can also do the former but I don't, I think it's more valuable for me to focus on those intermediate streams and then leave the beginner streams to other people. I'm not the only person who can make intermediate streams not by a long shot but I still think that's the best place for me to spend my time. And so that's why I don't really do beginner videos. The crust of Rust is probably the closest I get where I try to tackle single topics and cover them relatively completely so that even someone who's somewhat new to the language can follow them but I think that's about as beginner as I'm gonna get to. Can you explain the trait stuff around borrowing and dereferencing? For example, deref, borrow, ask or if et cetera. I talked about these a little bit in the smart pointer video for crust of Rust. That's the one I would check out. I think we're now getting into like the single digit votes on questions part and we're now, we've now been going for about three hours. So I'm gonna take, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to take about three minutes where I want all of you who are watching to go to the Q&A site. I'll post the link again. Look through the questions. Vote for the questions that you care about and then I'll do another five questions maybe. And then I think we'll call it a day. So this is gonna be like just make, let's make sure that the last five questions I do are actually ones that you care about. So go in and vote for some questions and then I'll go through them. I know there's like a list of a hundred there now. So there's a lot to just scroll through, but just like scroll to a random point or look at the ones that already have some votes and see which ones of those you care about the most. I know the interface is a little awkward. Someone asked in chat, what is Q&A? It's questions and answers as hopefully evident by what I've done so far. It's amazing to me just like how long these streams end up being. I always think like a Q&A that's just gonna take an hour. Like people don't have that many questions. And then look at us now like three hours later being like, there are a lot of questions. I love answering them. I'm not complaining at all, but it's just fascinating to me that there are this many things that people want to hear me rant about. So in chat, there's now a bunch of people being like, vote for my question, vote for my question. This one, this one. It's funny. Oh no, does it reorder the Q&A list while you have it open? That's really annoying. I guess do something like, I think you can sort by the number of votes the thing has already gotten. So maybe that's a worthwhile way to go about it. I really need to find a better way to do this like Q&A voting because it's so silly you click the link and then you get a thing that just says open Q&A is the only thing on the page. I don't know why it works this way, but it's the best one I found on relatively short notice. All right, another minute and then we'll get to it. Oh, someone asked about my chair. This chair is really comfortable, but it's also very expensive. Like, I think it was a worthwhile purchase, but a chair should not cost as much. This is the steel series, steel case series two chair. I think it's what it was called with the headrest. It's very comfortable. I'm very happy with it. All right, I think it's time to go to the next question. Feel free to keep voting. My list updates automatically too. Any plans for an FFI stream? I really want to do an FFI stream. It's pretty high on my list. Here too, the challenge is figuring out what example to use, what motivating example to use. I think what we'll want to do is to build like a probably a fairly simple rust interface to some C library and it can be something that already exists. I just don't have a good sense for which one because it sort of needs to be small enough that we can cover a reasonable amount of it in like the time of a cross of rust or maybe a live coding stream. So like between one and three hours maybe, but it also needs to be non-trivial enough that it's actually a project people care about and know because if they don't, the stream is gonna feel a little uninteresting maybe. And I don't want to just like make up a C library and then write bindings to it because it becomes too trivial. One thing that maybe we could do is something like curl. There already is a rust library to curl but we could do another one. Maybe that would be interesting. I don't quite know yet but I do really wanna do an FFI stream. If someone thinks of a good C library then like don't post it in a chat here because it's just gonna go away but maybe just like DM me on Twitter or mention me or something. Mention is probably better because then other people can see it with a suggestion. I very much want to do one. Thoughts on AKT's and Monads and Rust. All right, so higher kind of types and Monads. So I have occasionally needed higher kind of types and not had them but it's pretty rare. Things like being generic over collections. It's maybe a big one. There there's some really promising work on associated generic types. And I don't know if you've seen it but Niko Matsakis had a cool blog post on something he called trade families which is basically a way to get something kind of like or at least a subset of higher kind of types or a subset of what higher kind of types give you using associated generic types or generic associated types and traits in Rust that's really cool. I think full blown higher kind of types in Rust is probably not something we're gonna get for a little while. I don't know what unique thing it would enable that generic associated types would not also give us. I know that it's like, it's a big just like it's not just a matter of implementation. It's actually like some pretty serious design work on how would this even work? Like just the formal model of it. Monads and Rust I have less experience with like arguably like question mark is a monadic operator but I haven't really had a need for like monadic sort of formal monadics in Rust really. I don't have a good motivating use case for that. Do you suggest Rust for backend development like API development? Absolutely. At this point I suggest Rust for almost everything. I would say that if you're building an HTTP API there's still like a little bit of friction there. Rocket is getting really good. Warp also I've heard good things about but I haven't used myself. But it is definitely an ecosystem that's still evolving and developing. I think that in the next year or two as sort of enterprise consumers start being more involved. We're likely to see more libraries that do things like RPCs and HTTP endpoints and restful things like libraries and frameworks for doing those things. Tonic I've heard really good things about which is like a GRPC framework for Rust. So I think if you want to build a backend and sort of a sorry, if you want to build a backend in general Rust is probably a good pick. Assuming you like Rust. What are your thoughts on mock testing? Do you think mocking is idiomatic in Rust? Mocking is kind of hard in Rust because you don't have runtime introspection. You can't just like replace things behind the scenes in the same way you can in some other languages. So you need to do things like dependency injection or you need your types to be generic over more things than they otherwise would have so you can stick in like a generic implementation that you just used for mocking. In terms of whether mocking is idiomatic Rust, I think it could be. I think you can totally design interfaces that are generic in a way that make them easy to mock. But I don't think we've quite figured out the right mocking story for Rust because there's some that are based on like trait objects or some that are just based on generics and traits. There's some that are based on neither. They're just like sort of based on procedural macros, for example, and I don't quite know where we're gonna land. But I don't think the story is hopeless. I think we do have some promising avenues to explore but it's still early days there, I think. All right, second to last question. Do you think it's possible to shift from being a front end engineer in TypeScript to a systems programmer in Rust? Anything that comes to your mind that I should focus on if I want to jump the fence. If you come from TypeScript, you're already better equipped than many to come to Rust because TypeScript is already a stronger typed language as the name implies, then something like JavaScript or Python. That I think there are a couple of hurdles you're gonna have to go through. One of them is that moving from a interpreted language like TypeScript to a compiled language, TypeScript has sort of a compiler or transpiler but it's not the same. To move into a compiled language like Rust is quite different. What you're gonna experience is that you get a lot more errors upfront. Like it's harder to get your code to compile. The thing you need to keep in mind here is that what matters is the overall time you spend on making your software good. It's not, how long it takes for you to get your program to compile the first time is not the full story. So when you come from TypeScript to Rust, you might find that the time it takes to compile, get to your code to compile is longer. But the amount of time you spend on debugging at runtime is probably much less. And so the overall time is probably fairly similar. But I've found at least that I would much rather debug compiler errors than runtime errors. The second thing you're gonna experience coming from something like TypeScript to Rust is the move from a language with a runtime and with garbage collection to one that is not. That's gonna be where much of the sort of cognitive dissonance is coming to come from where you feel like this code should work, but it doesn't and I don't understand why. And it's because the mental model is different. This is where the bar checker ends up like biting a lot of people. It's because they don't have the right mental model. They haven't learned yet about Rust's notion of ownership of the fact that you need to think about memory allocation and deallocation and how long a given object lives and where it gets deallocated and stuff. That is a hurdle to jump. And my advice there would be that you sort of just gotta stick with it and after a little while it clicks and then it stops being a problem. I think the last question or the last part of it is like, is it possible? Absolutely, it will be a transition for you. Like it's not gonna be seamless.   Going from sort of front end to back end programming is also a little different. There are lower level concerns that you have to start thinking about but overall like it's still programming. It's just you have a different toolbox. I think that the more languages you already know the easier the transition will be. If TypeScript or JavaScript is the only language you know that the hurdle might be larger but I think it's very doable. You're just gonna have to sort of stick with it for a while and sort of start programming and don't give up but this is where it's important that the first project you start to do make sure it's one that you care about. That you're like, I really want to build this thing and I'm gonna do it at Rust because that way even when you experience setbacks where something is hard you're still motivated by you really want this thing you're building. You're really curious about it and therefore you decide to stick with it despite the sort of hardship. All right, last question. Let's see what it is. Is reading the Nomecon a good idea after reading the Rust book? Same question for the O'Reilly programming Rust book and some people say that it's much deeper than the book. So the Nomecon is intended more as a reference than something you read start to finish. At least that's been my experience. I think that if you read the Rust book and then go read the Nomecon you're gonna feel fairly overwhelmed and it's most of the stuff in there is not gonna be of immediate use to you. My recommendation would instead be after you read the book start writing Rust code and then only when you run into something especially when it comes to unsafe code that's when you go look at the Nomecon for things that are relevant to what you're doing. If you're particularly interested about like weird corner cases and stuff absolutely read the Nomecon as a fascinating read but I don't think it's a required read for most Rust programmers. The O'Reilly programming Rust book I haven't read myself. I get the feeling that it's like the same as the Rust book but maybe sort of goes into more detail on things could be. I don't know that you really need to read it after reading the Rust book. I think you read one or the other. I don't think you need to read both. I think the Rust book is enough to get you started to just like write real Rust code and I think that's gonna teach you much more than reading sort of a second introductory book. That'd be my take on it. I do think that there are other resources that are maybe more worthwhile to read than going to like the O'Reilly programming Rust book or any other like teaching you Rust like reading a second teach you Rust book. I don't think it gives you that much but reading something like Philip Opperman's blog or something like learning Rust with entirely too many linked lists or something like the Fasted on the Line blog like those are continuations to the book that they go into, now we're gonna write some actual code and get a feel for what this language is in practice and show you how this code is actually being written and how you need to think to write this code or like honestly watch something like a live coding video it doesn't have to be mine but just something that exposes you to people using Rust for real or when I say for real, I don't mean like in production or enterprise or anything I just mean like the writing real software or real code that's not just examples in Rust. That I think is the best continuation coming from the book. Yeah, that's my take. I think that's where we're gonna end it. There are more questions left than there were when we started. So I think if I kept going, I would keep going for another three hours which I'm not really prepared to do. What I'm gonna do before I sign off is I'm gonna do a quick shot round of just giving a very short answer to the next 10 questions. Oh yeah, Rustlings. Rustlings is another great thing. Rust by example is great if you just want more things to do. All right, quick shot round. 10 questions each of them with a very fast answer. Best way to get comfortable with Win, with Win. Use it as your main editor and disable the arrow keys. What do you think of Amazon's horrible build system Brazil? I don't think it's horrible but I do think it's old. Will Rust be the next C? I hope so. I think it may be but there's a lot of C code and we're not gonna replace it all overnight. Thoughts on real HKTs, not Gats and Monads and Rust? Not really. I think they're somewhat a theoretical exercise. I think you can get fine by without them. What do you think about using Rust as a purely functional language? I think you are artificially constraining yourself and it doesn't really buy you that much. How do you spell say meow in Norwegian? Meow? You know, I don't know. Oh, no, I do. M-J-A-U, evidently it's been too long since I was in Norway. M-J-A-U, meow, pronounce the same but spelled very differently. Do you exclusively write open source software at AWS or do you have to contribute to their internal code bases? I read a decent amount of internal code because I'm working on the internal tooling. And is that nine or 10? Do you have an opinion on AWS suspending parlor? Yes, but it's complicated. I think it's entirely a reasonable thing to do. And I am, I'm gonna end the answer there. Just one more, fine, fine. Okay, last one. Any advice for convincing enterprise people to use Rust? Yes, I have a short answer to this. Show them my considering Rust talk. I know the audio is terrible. It bothers me so much because I think it was a good talk. Alternatively, just like send them the slides, they're also available online. I think that's a good talk. That's my best way, that's the best way I know of to convince enterprise people to pick up Rust. All right, I got under 100, that makes me happy. So with that, I think I'm gonna end the stream. Three hours and 20 minutes. I think we did pretty well. Thank you all for coming out. I hope you find this interesting. I hope I'll do another across of Rust or unsafe chronicles or live coding stream in the not too distant future. Thank you for sticking with me and I'll see you next time. Bye, everyone.


So, we're out here at Peakville this year, we're out raising proceeds for the Shaw Cancer Center. We've got all kinds of events going on. It's been live music all day, we've been hanging out with the kids. Here at our booth, we were knocking out cancer. So, you can see we knocked it out. We're having a good time. Everybody's dressed up. It's my first year out here and it's been a blast. This is an incredible event and we're helping out some people. We're here at the Steadman Clinic. We do a lot of research involving orthopedics and in cancer as well. It's nice to inform the public about what we do here at the Steadman Clinic and everything that's going on. I'm about to go skiing right now. We're going to go up, me and the Steadman boys and the rest of the crew. Got all of our pink tutus on. We're going to go out there and represent it on the mountain. Let's go skiing.