Don't break my heart my eggie break and I loved high school. I had braces as five foot three so a shorter than and And I was in love with this girl. She was a year older than me. I thought she was the greatest I was just thought like man. I think she's the one you know how it is in high school and My dad had systematically taken each one of his kids out To spend time one-on-one since we were six and so my dad decided That if Jesus could make disciples He could make disciples not just in the local church, but make disciples of his family and so Everybody had a day to spend time alone with dad So Monday was Debbie day my mom had a date with my dad Tuesday was David day Wednesday day in a day Thursday Deborah day Friday Daniel day and Each one of us from the time that we were six had time alone with my dad to which you would say that sounds like a big Commitment it was and my dad made that investment in me And so it wasn't really until I got into junior high that I knew that I needed it So in elementary school, it just felt like we were hanging out. I never had problems elementary school life was good But in junior high I had the I had all kinds of crisis and in high school I had crisis and my dad had made so many spiritual and Emotional and biblical deposits in me one chunk at a time Starting on Tuesdays all the way through elementary school that then it was a he was able to make emotional draws in my junior High years and high school years and I say that to say because he told me to make decisions In regard to friendships and dating and I was willing to do whatever he said because we were close And I knew that he knew Jesus and I wanted to know Jesus like he knew Jesus and so when I was 16 we were sitting at a benign against in Northwest Oklahoma City and Usually my our time was about an hour when I was younger is about 30 minutes and And I began to just just tell him about this new Rejection I was experiencing where I had a crush on a girl and she didn't like me back and that was common for me in that season of life and and So I was telling my dad and But I was a mess. I mean you think I'm crying right now. Whoo. You should see me then and So I'm just like unloading these tears to my dad 16 years old sitting in a booth and And I'm telling about this girl that doesn't like me and I'm all emotional and and my dad says David I'll be back in just a second and he got up and Walked to a pay phone if you're under 30 you're like, what is that? Don't worry about it And he walked to this pay phone and he came back and he said all right. We've got all night You just you can keep crying son. You can keep telling me your story and I said What are you talking about? You have your board meeting tonight and he goes no no no I I canceled the board meeting. I said dad. You can't cancel your board meeting That's your that's your church And I'll just never forget my dad's the opposite of me. He's tall dark and handsome and he's He's real cool. He's real soft-spoken. I don't know. I mean how I ended up his kid, but He just looked at me. He's real quiet just real whisper. I said dad. That's your church. I'm crying and he goes David first and foremost you're my church and Man He lived it and he shaped me and really where I want to go in these special minutes that I have with you As I want to challenge you pastor to make your family your first church And so you may have a church of 50 or you may have a church of 5,000 but I want to invite you to think about what it looks like in terms of beginning with the end in mind and then Backpedaling and saying how do I how do I create my time my structure my life around the conviction that my family is really my first church It's what shaped Significantly shaped me and when I look at Jesus And you look at today the Church of Jesus Christ 2000 years after Jesus was here and there are obviously Churches all over the world and we see that it's big in size We see that the Church of Jesus is global. There's actually today Believers and the Church of Jesus in every nation on earth There's still people groups, but we're living in a generation where it's unprecedented That there's actually believers in nation in every nation and we've got a ton of work to do with global evangelism But it's massive the the Church of Jesus for 2,000 years has been growing and it's and I look back at how Jesus invested his Time and he invested his time in a few he invested his time in 12 and in Three and then specifically in one and we've got a little window of time Each of you are different in terms of where you're at in terms of the actual age of your children But I want to invite you to think about making disciples of your children the way that Jesus made disciples and to think of your children as your first church So my first church is not my staff I love my staff and I've got a great staff and I Enjoyed them, but they're not my first church my first church is not our elders and my first church is not my small group That meets with a bunch of dudes on Thursdays at noon My first church is my kids and I just want you to think about What it would look like for you if deep in your bones you began to think about not Tolerating your kids in this season not trying to just make it through this season with them but Maybe living on less money Maybe giving less and in ministry in your context doing less So that you could be intentional to Disciple your children and I think specifically we can look at the life of Jesus and Learn how to make disciples the way that Jesus made disciples and consider if you've got three kids that are 9 11 and 13 That that is your Peter James and John That more than the three staff members or the three People that run small groups or whatever that your first commitment is to them and will that affect the size of your church? Yeah, I think probably so But now I look and I think about the way that Jesus invested in a few and we've got our kids in our home for just a little bit of time and my I'm confident That 30 years from now or 20 years from now. There's gonna be zero regrets if I invested my time my dollars into making disciples of my kids and Helping them come to know Jesus. So for David for my life my number one commitment More than any more. I love the prayer meeting and I've been preaching about prayer meetings for 20 years And I'm committed to the prayer meeting at our church. I'm committed to evangelism. I'm committed small groups I think that the local church of the hope of the world. I believe all that stuff. I believe all that I'm in I'm in on all that but none of that is bigger than this little window of time that I've got My my my little tribe, right which now my tribe is getting big and Dawson's 14 and he's taller than I am and this is his jacket because he's cooler than I am and And he looks just like Renata, which is anyway, so which is good for him and But but that's that's my first calling. That's that's that's who God's called me to disciple right now And so Dawson right now. He's 14 and wants to be a pastor, which is awesome and Olivia She's 13 and and she's got a heart to serve is amazing when we moved to plan our church in 2016 in Kansas City and Out and out of she'd always been a servant, but she just began to aggressively make multiple meals per week and clean the house frequently and Renata said to Olivia So she was 11 Olivia, what's what's going on? Why I'm gonna cry guys. I'm sorry. I'm so emotional. This has been a very emotional time in my life Renata my wife said to Olivia.  So she kind of floats around and She's always just like cleaning and she's Cinderella. I mean it's unreal And and and Adalyn My 11 she's 11 now now out of my four kids This is the one that looks the most like me like so my wife Renata She has brown hair and she has brown eyes and and then and then I don't and so All the three of them look just like Renata, but then there's Adalyn who looks just like me She's shorter than the rest of them. She's got blue eyes. She's got blonde hair and so when she was three I got down on one knee and I looked at her and I put my hands on her cheeks And I was I said Adalyn so three years old Adalyn when I look at you. I see me You know and it's kind of just relief like I got I got one kid that looks like me And she put her hands on my cheeks and said daddy when I look at you I see you And I thought you look like me and you're just as bright as I am. Yeah, you know like whoa That's a deep thought so but But But these four you know like these kids and obviously my wife Renata These are the ones that I'm called to disciple and that's the nail. I want to drive in That's the drum that I want to beat so I'm 127 Says this and you know it well because you're pastors, but it says this Behold children are a gift of the Lord gift of the Lord write it down market highlight it Tear stain blood whatever you got to do You got to we got to lock in and believe that in our bones a gift hard. Yes Challenging yes problems. Yes expensive. Yes Gift yes The fruit of the womb is a reward and here it is like arrows in the hand of a warrior So are the children of one's youth I was reading Irwin McManus's book and I liked the book, but I loved the dedication. Listen to this this is The dedication to his book called the last arrow long after to my arrows Aaron and Mariah his son and his daughter long after I rest my bow and have struck my last arrow There will still be arrows flying true their names are Aaron and Mariah The trajectories of their lives will take them far beyond the ground. I have taken you are the future This is your flight. I pulled the bow back as far as I could and gave you all the strength I had to send you into flight Fly far and true cross enemy lines hit the mark set captives free Who wants a dad like that? Here's a few thoughts. I'll just give you a few first one is this. How do I how do I make disciples of my kids? David, thanks for the inspiring little stories. How do I do it? Here's a few things I see number one Speak life into their hearts speak life into your children's hearts your language the way that you talk If we want to know how to father We learn from our Heavenly Father So study the Heavenly Father. You could say father. You could say parents But let's just look at the way that the Heavenly Father speaks to his son How does the first person of the Trinity speak to the second? How does God the Father audibly speak to his son? You know the text. Let's just break it down and look at a few ideas in it Matthew chapter 3 verse 16 as soon as Jesus was baptized He went up out of the water at that moment heaven was open and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and a Lighting on him he and a voice from heaven said this is my son whom I love with whom I am well pleased So I see three things here that we can speak number one is this acceptance this is my son number two affection whom I love number three affirmation with whom I am well Pleased three phrases to get deep into our hearts into our minds as we look and speak to our children Obviously different ages whenever you talk about parenting. There's always lots of dialogue Well, my kids are this different age, you know, and I get that so apply it to however age it works for them But these ideas you're my son You're my daughter. You're my girl. I love you.  This is the grace message This is the message of you are loved even when you're weak you are loved even when you're broken You are loved even when you're not perfect. You are loved even when you don't perform. Well, you are Accepted I've got you. You're all right. You're gonna be okay. We do this in every way that we can with our kids You belong here. You're a part of this family and this is obviously the paint of the family picture thing This is however you can think of doing it, but this is our family. This is our tribe You belong in this house. You're accepted one of the things that we're not an idea is every time we get in The car for our Sabbath day, which for us is Fridays is Since they were babies we started singing family songs. So I write songs I'm not good, but I I write songs and so we have quite a few of them and Now my son is 14 He has a deep voice and he still sings these family songs right because it's been part of the culture So like just a few days ago. We got in the car We're driving out on Sabbath and we're seeing take me out with my family Take me out with my friends We'll sing together and laugh and play. It's gonna be a super fun day cuz it's Dawson Perkins the leader Olivia fate the princess that was when she was three Adeline Grace is a movie star Justice is yelling in the back of the car and it's dead mommy passing out Chick-fil-A Daddy screams hip hooray Let's all start by praising King Jesus for giving us this day. Hooray, right like that. And so thank you very much Yeah I'm gonna be singing with Cory Asbury in the afternoon session right it's called the father's reckless love and It's not gonna happen But it's creating that idea of you belong lots of different ways to do it But what I hear from the Heavenly Father is this voice This is my son. It's you belong your mind I've got you and I thanks fathers and mothers every single possible way that we can do this that we can get that in them We speak it. It's the speaking of you belong. It's a speaking of I love you We know this but we got to do this in every way that you can say it text it post it sing it I mean, especially if you if you've got little kids It's declaring it getting in them not that well you already know this but no We have the Heavenly Father saying it to this to the son Audibly interrupting human history just instead of your own ego going well I'm too masculine for that nah bank on the Heavenly Father does it for his son Audibly declares interrupts human history with this is my son whom I love. I just think it's good I think that we lock in with saying it you belong and you're loved I love you. I delight in you.  I enjoy you verbal and Putting it however you can Renault and I I mean one of the things we did is we took a picture with our kids put a scripture verse Framed it and put it by their bed.  No, man. I'm just trying to get it in their heads Hey, you're loved and last thing you see at night is your parents waving over you. You are low Saying prayers singing songs now I've been doing the same thing that my dad did where I just take each one out and I traveled more than my dad traveled So then I tend to end up stacking them some days I find myself on one day just stacking multiple one-on-ones with my kids Drop off the next kid. I know each of their favorite places. I mean with Olivia. We always go to Dairy Queen That's what she wants, right? That's that's her thing Dawson. He always wants to drink a Coke I spin so in the little restaurants around my house.  I can tell you what's going on in their lives I know exactly what's going on in Dawson's life And I've been I've been making this kid go out with me one-on-ones since he was three and now he's 14 And I know I just know I'm not gonna say it because this is being recorded, but I know I know his journey I know where I know what's going on with him and the Lord. I know what he thinks of the scriptures I know where he's at with girls. I know I know exactly what he's thinking about where he wants to go with his career I know Olivia. She is so different than him. She's a whole different I mean, but I know and and and it's just taking time to to listen ask questions I want to invite you think through look at the Heavenly Father the way that he speaks over his son You belong this is my son whom I loved and then with whom I'm well pleased every child Needs to know you matter Hey, you know what you belong you're loved and and you matter like what? The what God has on your life the way that God's gonna use you You you matter to me and we see this we even see Paul as a spiritual father doing this, right? If you just read even the epistles I find Paul always giving shout-outs you matter, right in Philippians He's giving Timothy and Epaphroditus who risked his life.  He's giving these verbal shout-outs He's just saying hey, what you're doing matters and in every little ministry That you can with your kids as you not only get their hearts connected to Jesus But then help them get connected who they are in the family get them connected to the Spiritual gifts that are on their lives and then starting to verbalize it. So I just tell my kids all the time. Hey, Adeline Grace So she leads a prayer meeting. So we have load in at 6 30 in the morning on Sundays, which means that I'm leaving my house with our kids at 6 0 5 and And and so for me, you know, like planting the church I had a safe I had a safe job at a big church and and I was kind of nervous about this church planting thing And what I found is that in being on mission together in a new fresh way. It's united us And the weight of it has not crushed them And I think a big part of it has been these one-on-ones.  So like Olivia, she started doing when we have We call it church in we do church in on Sunday mornings and on there'd be all these adults that were loading in but there was lots of little kids and So Adeline came up with this idea of dad. She's 11. What if I led a prayer meeting for the little kids? during load in and so Now for me to verbalize to her. Hey Not only are you are you loved and do you belong but what you're doing with those kids? It matters. Hey, Olivia the ministry that you have to your mom by helping her it matters. Hey Dawson The way that you're helping with production in our little church plant. It matters, right and communicating. All right You are loved you belong you matter We see that in Jesus and being that mother or being that father that sees them that loves them I know this is a lot, but this session is an hour. All right, so I want to tell you this story All right so for my dad one of the reasons why my dad is a great dad was because he had a great dad and Some of you hear that and you think well, I didn't have a great dad. And so it's hard for me to be a great dad Okay, you be the first great dad in your family legacy Right and so just be fathered by your heavenly father and I'm not saying get over it. I'm not that's not like I'm not saying I'm just saying have that resolution but my dad tells the story of when he was a kid eight years old went to a Nazarene church where they had hardwood floors in Butte, Montana church of about 35 to 40 people and the the hardwood floors were slanted and at the front were wooden altars and So my dad would do anything to survive the boring preacher every Sunday, right and So he tells the story of pulling out the hymnal and taking out his marbles on a Sunday and Lining them up to look at the marbles. You know where this is going in the hymnal And he tells the story of getting all of his marbles just right and then realizing he'd forgotten one and reaching back to get the marble and Dropped his marbles and the marbles went Hit the floor and then hardwood floor slanted rolled all the way to the front because it's a And then hit the altar at the front And my eight-year-old father leaned back in the pew Like this and the organist in that day stayed on stage never left the stage and just stopped and stared at my dad and The preacher stopped preaching and just glared at my dad just stopped and then my dad looked over two sections men sit on one side and women sat on the other a different day and And and he's got like ever all like all of the ladies in the church like staring at me looks he's sitting with his dad on this side and Men from behind my dad's in the back staring and the whole church staring at my dad and He tells the story of in that moment He felt this hand just just tapping him on the shoulder and he looked up You know at his dad and his dad was the only set of eyes in the building that weren't looking at him Just staring right back at the preacher. You know saying It's my boy whom I love whom I'm well pleased And my dad when my dad tells the story he talks about on that day in the moment where he felt Everybody looking at him as a failure. He had a father They loved him where he felt loved and I'm just encouraging you to speak it and in addition Whatever you can do to speak life declare life Speak affection you are loved You belong you matter. I see that it's number one number two is this connect their hearts to Jesus Connect their hearts to Jesus now I think in our culture there's The sometimes we don't know what the win is what the touchdown is what the center of the target is and When it comes to parenting and here's what I want to encourage you is the center of the target Here's what I want to encourage you is the touchdown The win is not that they would just be good citizens The win is not that they would be great athletes The win is not that they would be scholars all those things are fine But as I'm looking at pastors, I want to tell you here is what I believe to be the touchdown Here's the center of the target. Here's the win you want to connect Their hearts to Jesus You get that and you get everything Even if they perform poorly even if they're never a scholar even if they're never athletic even if they go through major behavioral problems if you get their heart connected to Christ you gain everything Your win as a father or mother is to be a disciple maker Your win is not to survive the teen years Your win is to make disciples of your teens while they're in your house So I love the illustration of the Matthew Emmons the 2004 Riflery Olympics shooting on behalf of America and He goes back and he goes to goes to shoot and he's by far and above the best in the Olympics Representing America 2004 all he has to do is hit the target doesn't have to hit the bullseye on his last shot And if he hits the target he wins gold Goes back fires Not just the target he hits bullseye and in his mind gold, baby But he looks up and drops to eighth place Because he hit the bullseye on the wrong target Here's what I want to tell you you live in a culture that applauses a different bullseye than Christianity and your temptation is to just Get all of them kind of well like let's just let's just try to get the mani van right Let's try to have behavior be right. Let's try to have them be athletes Let's just make sure they get double digits on their ACT. Let's just let's just survive these years Here's the win I'm telling you here is the win the win is they have Relationship with Jesus. That's the win Now I get it. We want a safe environment We want to pass to them when they go through some good days and some hard days some days where they where they turn their back And their protocols I get that I know that I got that But I'm talking about as you strategize as you think through these precious years that you've got them You want to create here's the ultimate win? And there's lots of different ways that we could talk about how to accomplish that goal I want to invite you to push out some of the other things so that you can clearly Have that goal so that you can say the center of the target The center is I want them to know Christ It's Philippians 3. I want them to know Christ Whether they sing your praises or not whether they do well Honestly Student council or whatever all these good things, but there's one God thing you want to make sure they get That's that to the best that you can and you can't force it. It's voluntary love coming from their heart It is their own relationship But you're doing everything you can far more than you care about even their college Savings or where they go to college or who I mean if you get that You get everything so if that's true Then you begin with that as your endgame Then even as I'm talking about some processes some systems you you you work on your own systems But you can establish that's that's ultimately my win.  We're having a conversation About what's going on with their Relationship with the Lord all of us together and then one day a week I'm with one of them spending time talking about what's going on and and I don't I don't spend there's some things I don't spend money on right. I mean We came to the airport yesterday in a suburban that has 207,000 miles on it 2001 I'm gonna drive that thing until at the day I die, right? I don't I don't care about cars But my daughter Olivia she's she's got a $60 journal You know why cuz she wanted it and that's the journal where she spent time with God and I didn't bat an eye $60 I never heard of a $60 journal before But she's got one now You know why because man, that's what I care about like I want I want you and so we're all I'm buying them new Bibles all the time. I'll spend anything for highlighters. I'll pay extra money for hipster coffee, whatever it takes But here's here's here's the wind. Here's the touchdown. Here's the goal. Here's this here is my bullseye My bullseye, I don't really care if they end up Great athletes and I know I've fended all the athletes in the room And I know that you can be a great athlete for the glory of God and that you can use athleticism to reach people I got all that I Mean it with my jeans. It's not gonna happen anyway, so I'm just gonna punt Give up on that dream baby. So no, but for me it's right right at the center I go, I can here's what I care about and so here's what I'm gonna celebrate I'm gonna when so and so it's it's it's getting Your time your dollars Could wrapped around processes that help you hit the center of the target you and your spouse Your biggest conversation is not just their moral behavior And and what we tend to do is just we don't have a plan when they're in elementary school And then when when when when behaviors bad in their teen years It's kind of like we start to force behavior to be right Here's where if if you can aim right at the center and get them close to Jesus Or they have a they have their own personal relationship with God and when they're three and four and five You're dialoguing with them about well Well, what's the Lord saying to you what's what's coming alive in your heart with the scriptures? And you're having these conversations about Jesus Then it bears fruit and you're having less right now Right now with my teenagers. I got two teenagers and I'm not I Recognize that by virtue of me being vulnerable and sharing my story. It could be offensive or you could think that I'm proud I'm opening up with the hope of trying to help Right now. I'm not having any behavioral like fights right now We're just because we're relationally close and they're relationally close to the Lord And all we have is little whisper conversations like we've had some moments where we've Disagreed or where things they didn't do the exact right thing, but it's it's not even me saying It's right now. It's not even me saying and you're like well, just wait. It's coming. You're not in high school Yeah, boy, what do you think? I know and I'm risking a lot by saying this but I believe Right now when I look at where I'm at I believe that this is critical and this is so big in my heart right now This is the only thing I want to talk about anyway. And so but right now there's We're able to have We're able to have behavioral change not by me putting up restrictions But by me having conversations about what's the Lord saying to you and and then they come back and they say well What do you think dad? Oh Well, you really want to know and Honestly, I'm having the time of my life as the parent of a teen of teenagers right now and and I think that it the root is Relationship their relationship with God And so When when they're little Buying journals and for me teaching them a way I'm not saying it's the way but a way to spend time with God has been one of my highest priorities One of my highest priorities was not teaching I mean, I just it's not mostly shooting a three-pointer and it's just not mostly about Scholastic things. It's I'm all for that. My son. Justice plays basketball. I was at the basketball game on Saturday But and he's he's he's scored He has scored two Saturdays in a row and I'm crazy proud of him But I make sure that my biggest celebration is not athletics and my biggest celebration is not even the scores on tests In academics, but I go crazy celebrating every not and not even behavior not like Not like moral behavior But I I work on recognizing revelation hearing the Holy Spirit What Jesus is saying to you Your relationship that's real and and I'm accidentally seeing them turn into little preachers Because they've been verbalizing God's activity For years Does that make sense? And so I want to invite you just to kind of define. What's the center of the target? Okay? Husband okay wife or as we do this and we've got man. We've got this church to pastor and But we don't get these years back And when they walk across the stage have post high school by then Everything's different. They're on their own These are the years of formation I am saying to voluntarily have some less influence and less money in order to invest in your young disciples and to Teach them how to spend time with God Teach you to have that how to have their own really let them see it make the number. I think I think the number one thing you can do as a family is Is talk about what Jesus is doing and spend time with God on our Sabbath what we do is I take Renata out in the morning for our date And then we come back and we take all our all our kids to a coffee shop and They may think it's a little bit boring, but we actually spend Couple hours at a coffee shop.  So it's for us Sabbath is pray and play But I'm I'm wanting to work that muscle That by the time they leave my house You know far more than anything else The muscle they've worked the thing the thing that's that's that's deep in them as relationship with God So I would encourage you to work on connecting their hearts to if you get anything from this little session I hope that you get that And the last one is this I would say fight for their hearts You're in this season where you get You they're gonna have everything fighting for their affection and so Stepping in as parents and fighting for their hearts.  I didn't ever use the word Sabbath growing up. But since our I read a book in 2008 called the rest of God By mark Buchanan and it was all about Sabbath and so Renata and I just started calling it Sabbath and My kids use the word Sabbath all the time. They're like, it's it's just fun. They say, hey dad I know I know that Friday's Sabbath, but on on Saturday. Can we take a half-sab? And I'm like What's a half-sab and they're like, you know, half a Sabbath like just you know And so anyway, this is it's just funny. It's just funny language, but But we were we were on a bike ride um on a Sabbath night and my My addy blonde. She's a singer and um, she's She says dad I've got an idea for a new series at radiant our church I'm like, yeah, and she goes Take me to church and I was like Yeah, that sounds like a good name for a series and she was like, oh, yeah, dad It's everywhere There's a song called take me to church And it's on the radio in the coffee shop. It's on the radio when you're in the car It's on the radio everywhere. I go. I hear this. It's like all about going to church And you should do it. So I'm like, oh, okay. Great. There's a she's like, yeah Yeah, some of you know I google it. It ain't about church Take me to church. Uh, it just go google it. It is whoo. Wow Hey, here's the reason I'm telling you I could get you and I know we could go through The horrors of what's goes on in the culture. I'm just making light of it because that's a cute innocent thing But we we know that we live in a culture that is after the affections of our kids And Somebody will disciple them your children will be discipled the question is will it be by you Someone's gonna say hey get into Ballet hey get into athletics. Hey get into you name the thing whether it's a good thing Or a bad thing. I'm not talking about if it's good things or bad things. I'm just talking about if it's the thing Jesus Because all I care about is that it's I want them to be disciples of christ And I'm okay, but but I'm telling you every single marketing firm in america Every industry is after the affections of my child They're after my child caring about their product Caring about whatever it is.  Yeah, that's kind of fanatical. Yeah, it's fanatical. We're fanaticles I'm just sorry. I used to say that when I was 20 and people would be like now i'm 42 and i'm just like I'm a fanatic. So are you let's just we are Well, I mean that's what christianity is like getting this into our kids. It takes I mean it takes work In the morning in the afternoon in the evening write the songs Get it in your kids and I encourage you with this. You will parent them You'll you'll pick a strategy everybody has a strategy. You may not have defined it yet But you'll have a strategy some of you'll be real authoritarian one of my best friends dad's a pastor. We grew up in same city My dad was relational His dad authoritarian his dad told him this is the way it's gonna be My dad said let's talk his dad yelled my dad whispered His dad said you're my son. You're gonna wear this and you're not gonna act that way because you have a job to do as the pastor's son community church My dad passed her to a little nazarene church and we took very different paths I'm just saying I came out of I went into high school by the end of high school I was wanting jesus and I was talking to my best friend my dad who cried when he talked about jesus And he wouldn't even tell me what to do He would just look at me and say well, what do you think jesus wants you to do? That was the end.  What do you think of this girl in my senior high school? And he was like, what do you think jesus thinks? I was like, ah I've never actually had one like me before dad. It's like, what do you think jesus thinks?  It's just he whispers he never screams He's embarrassed by how boisterous I am because he's just when he teaches its seven points. There's intellectual clarity I don't even know what that is He just whispers gives lectures Some will be authoritarian and and I want to invite you be less authoritarian and be more relational Some of you are just passive Like, I don't know I'm just gonna dump it on god and pray we survive You know like I don't really have a plan I'm just gonna hope it all works out I'd invite you to think through it more than that I'd invite you to think about this more than you think about your retirement plan More than you care about the equity in your home get the equity in your heart and the hearts of your kids to be love for god I mean care about it work on it Some of them have a path some of you some of you will be passive some will be authoritarian I want to invite you to this I see our god as relational And I think parents do their best when they're relational I'll tell you this two minute story and I'll close I started with telling you that my biggest challenge was implanting was my kids and I Have seen god work supernaturally to take care of my kids And I will tell you this I believe that god cares about your kids more than you do And if you'll say yes in obedience to god Be strategic. I believe god will do miraculous things for you and for your children and my love People tend to become what The person who's most important to them thinks of them right and I have found I I have found that people tend to really love people That love what they love And so you tend to really when you really love your kids you tend to really love the people that really love your kids And one of the most fun things in my own friendship with god in the last three years has Has been god taking my own fear And god loving my kids more than I love them And taking care of my kids in a way and doing things that I out of my control We were driving on i-70 east It's well closed with Colorado Springs to kansas city february 2015 sorry february of 2016 to plan our church We're starting at september so we had five months in town and rinata I was driving a u-haul and rinata was driving our suburban and she said Hey, dawson's not doing well um I don't know what to do He's really upset And I said I'll talk to him not Hey Let's control it not passive He'll be fine But it takes work takes time we pulled over I sent the other two kids who were with me back to the suburban I said want dawson alone with me in the u-haul truck 11 years old There is nothing good between Colorado Springs in kansas city when you're driving across kansas Sorry if I just offended somebody um So we had all this dead space to talk and I His behavior was causing tension between him and his mom and So I just said tell me what's going on First 20 minutes really didn't get anywhere So what's going on About 30 minutes in We just start to get You kind of pull on the heartstrings. It's like a thread when you're trying to get into what's going on in their hearts You know because they don't even fully know They're just trying to process it So I just kind of pull on the heartstrings. What's going on and he starts talking about Money He starts talking about this job and he said well dad I don't fully understand like You're not gonna have a paycheck And I was like that's true And he was like Why would you do that? And it's hitting on all my fears because now this is just the drive you can't see this is the one thing I was scared about and I said, you know dos I really believe That god's gonna provide I really believe that God's gonna take care of us And he said You know June 27th I turned 12. It's my birthday. I was like, yeah He goes You don't have a paycheck And I was like That's true and he said Do you think you'll have enough money to buy me a birthday present? And hear it You can you can you can sense the fear you can pull on it. So either so this becomes a great moment in parenting And I said Well, has god always taken care of us? Yes Are we dependent on a paycheck or we depend on god? Do you think god will continue to take care of us or you think he's gonna give up on us? I think he'll take care of us. I'll just bet he's like we got to kin city. I got sick We were living in an apartment had a invitation to come speak in texas and it was Uh over his birthday his birthday was on a monday and his favorite thing to do is to travel with me And I said dos Your birthday present you get to go with me to houston And he said he was excited and I made a little joke like God taking care of you that god's taking care of me the church paid for his flight So it was like this cool thing, you know, and I was preaching on sunday and we're gonna fly home monday night monday was his actual 12th birthday And I said uh to the pastor. I said hey, you know, is there anything cool in houston? I could do Just any ideas. I want to play with my son tomorrow's his birthday And the the pastor said I have an idea Let me take care of it.  It was my first time and I was just hoping for like lattes and some theology books but We shot guns. We fished in his private lake And then we got on a helicopter to go back to houston to catch our flight home On his birthday And I'm in the little headset looking at my boy And I looked at him.   He wanted to preach His first sermon.  He said I'm gonna preach about how good god is god wants to give good gifts And he did his first sermon about how god wants to give good gifts to his children I've got a prosperity preacher in my house right now Father in the name of jesus, I pray for every child Of every man and every woman that's here today And lord we ask that you would give us wisdom and strength to parent well We ask for supernatural activity. We pray that our kids would get connected to you I pray lord that we'd be able to do the best that we can To disciple them to protect their hearts that we speak life into our babies in jesus name Amen. See you


Give me a G! G! You got your G! You got your G! Give me an O! O! You got your O! You got your O! Give me an A! A! You got your A! You got your A! Give me an R! R! You got your R! You got your R! Give me an M! M! You got your M! You got your M! Give me a Y! Y! You got your Y! You got your Y! Go!


It's just, I want you to pay attention. After this limerence or lost period we talked about in the beginning. By the way, within 90 days, a guy knows whether or not he wants you in his life and broken people might want you in their life because they're broken. And as I said earlier, you're filling a void, you're filling a need, you're filling a missing part of them that they can't find within themselves. This is why so many people find themselves in relationships that are based on their mutual traumas. They bonded together in this space.