ʻI'm sorry it didn't work. A very first time I attended a sudden death was a most likely gang member that stretched straight into a palm tree.  I've seen it first hand. My relatives, you know, were in gangs ando maenai maithai mienai poi tini i blisai. Darogadao maenai tini te gansiai dada tani. Tungu'n waith kokoi, maenai. Tumai, maenai. Walao. Tumai. Walao. Tungu'n waith kokoi, maenai. Tumai. Walao. Tumai. Walao. Walao. Tumai. Tumai. Tumai. Walao. Walao.  And yet, until I read this, I'd never really focused on it, Sean, but before we talk about your great book, Attack Panic, how are things in New Zealand? Oh, I think everyone's pretty, pretty keen to, you know, to close off to 2020. Yeah, let's hit the reset button. Yeah, let's not even mention the the C and the number. Oh, yeah.  They don't even like you talking about it, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's that. That's about all I was going to say. So we're really, we're keen to see the end of this year and sort of reset the buttons. But, you know, we're we're pretty well divorced from what's going on around the world.  Yeah, I mean, so we're everything's pretty cool here. You know, our economy's still moving along with we're just moving to the summer. So the weather's improving and spirits are high. But it's pretty tough, just like everywhere else. But New Zealand New Zealand seems to be quite resilient. Yes, I had an absolutely fantastic time travelling around New Zealand in my friend's camper van. And my only criticism is you need a better rugby team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely at the moment.  So a good old a good old threshing now. I mean, it's good for as good. Yes, it gets it's it's the I almost said the great reset then, which is a bloody Orwellian new speak word. But yes, so you're in the police force for several years. Yeah, I did. I did my 10 years. I wanted to wanted to do 10 years. So I had a I had a a really fruitful and rewarding career. Most of that was spent in the CIB as a detective. And yeah, it was it was great. It was traumatic, it was stressful, didn't realise it at the time it was going on. But you know, the way we dealt with trauma back in those days was just go out and drink lots and misbehave. And you know, and comfort by numbers, security in numbers. Yes, can you give some example, Sean, of the traumatic things that you experienced?  And yeah, so in terms of my own personal safety, nothing, nothing like that. Although, you know, I was in fights and there was lots of attacks with, you know, with weapons and things like that.      And I attended because I was a motor, I rode, rode motorcycles back then as well. So that was one of my, that was my first sudden death that I attended all by myself and I had to deal with it all by myself.   So that's the trauma I'm talking about.  So, yeah, that's the sort of trauma that I'm talking about that you deal with or you think you're dealing with and you probably are dealing with it on the outside because normally the good thing about being in the police is when you're dealing with scenarios or, you know, serious crimes or anything, those sorts of situations, you're usually with a group, you're with numbers and there's comfort in numbers.   It puts the bullet in the gun and cocks it, but it's your, it's your, it's your nurture, it's your environment, it's your conditioning and your learnt behaviour that pulls the trigger.  It doesn't mean you have to let it rule your life and let it limit you and restrict you to do whatever you want in life. Before we move on, Sean, I think our friends at home would find it fascinating if we could talk a bit about Maori culture in New Zealand. Sorry to sort of step back, but you mentioned the chap on the motorbike and I've seen just through, well, through the media. Is it the mongrel mob is a big, a big gang down your way? It's one of them. We've got several ethnic, if you like, gangs. We've got the mongrel mob are fairly big. We've got the Black Power. They're fairly big. And there's another couple of other streets as well that I'm not even going to dignify by mentioning, but those are the two main ones. Yeah.  Yes, my first sort of introduction to that part of life in New Zealand was the film Once Were Warriors, which was a huge hit over here. Anybody that grew up, you know, my generation or certainly watch videos, I think it was in the 80s. So you've got introduced to this indigenous people in New Zealand and they all seemed a bloody big, very tattooed and a bit psycho. Of course, having been there, I now understand the socio-economic implications of how New Zealand has developed since it was colonised. Sorry if that's not the right word, but since... That's so good. You know, since the Norveners went down there. But that film was really hard, hard hitting. Is does that still play out in parts? Is that kind of what the mongrel mob type of culture comes from? Yeah, and I can vouch for that because, you know, I'm Ngati Kahanunu and I was brought up in Hawkes Bay in Marainui, which is the sort of lower socio-economic area of Napier, the Hawkes Bay. So I've seen it first hand my relatives, you know, were in gangs. And also my 10 years in the police, obviously I'm interacting with the gangs all the time. So it's definitely a thing. It's pretty accurate. But I just need to stress that that's the minority. You know, it's most people growing up will never be exposed to that environment.  You'd only have to go to a particular part of town to particular... We call them public bars. They're called public bars here, where that, you know, where that sort of profile, you know, member of society or sector of society go. So it's definitely a minority. But they can be rat bags and they can cause a bit of problems. They normally only cause problems within themselves. You know, they keep to themselves. But now and then it spills over to the to the general public, but otherwise they keep to themselves. What is it that makes some Indigenous Māori have the tattoos? And obviously thinking the facial tattoos in particular. And some people choose choose not to. I think it's an obvious question, obvious answer. But I'm not going to get a chance to ask somebody. Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, I don't know if I'm, you know, this is probably outside my swim lane to be fair. But from my own experience, you know, that's that's a sense of identity and the sense of belonging gives them a sense of, like I said, identity and part of a part of a whānau, part of a part of a gang. So it gives them that self, it gives them that self worth. Why some do and some don't. I don't I don't really know, but it definitely is part of the culture. Like respect for ancestors as well, I would would imagine. Well, you know, there is that that type of of, you know, tattoo or moko. But the ones with the swastikas and, you know, sikau and all that, the others, the other part of the side of the tattooing. That's that's more about belonging to a gang or family. That's their new family. And they just, you know, identifying themselves and creating and advertising the family, the whānau that they now belong to. And it seems like a good idea at the time. But, you know, usually bites them in the bum when they grow up because a lot of them grow up and they come to the senses. So, yeah, of course. And Crystal Meph was something I fell foul of in Hong Kong, as anyone who's read my memoir will know. I believe that's called Pee in New Zealand, is it? Yep. Yeah, and I'm guessing these gangs are dealing this sort of stuff in large quantities to fund their activities. Yeah, so that's, you know, that's the intelligence. That's what we've been led to believe. And I think there's probably a bit of truth to that. And my experience as a police policeman, you know, that sort of drug dealing and manufacture and sale always there's always a drug again element there differently. Yes. And. It's interesting because New Zealand, I mean, it is that country that's always quoted as being so far away from the rest of the world, which is wonderful for for you guys. And it's great for us backpackers that have been down there because. Yeah, it's just an amazing place. And yeah, we can have a whole podcast just talking about the diversity in New Zealand, the exciting things to do or the adventure sports. I did my first first part of my skydiving course down at Taupo. The trout fishing is amazing. It's got to be the best in the world. The rainbow trout is huge. So, yeah, the the volcanic springs, the the the sulfuric fumes coming up from the drain covers from from the volcanic activity. The the landscape is, I mean, Lord of the Rings, obviously, was filmed there. And anyone who's seen that that movie will will would get something get something from just visiting New Zealand alone. But just just to finish off, because I don't want to detract too much from your story, Sean, I'm just really fascinated about such things. Gras as in weed is obviously grown in the local area. I'm guessing that the the pea or the meth is either made in New Zealand or shipped from from Asia or Australia. Yeah, that's a good question. I think that we probably manufacture most most of it, in my opinion.    Usually you usually follow suit and proceeds of crime proceedings. So whether we're importing, I'm not I'm not too sure. So this it's readily available. I know that much. Yeah, so this mongrel mob, Sean, they sound like full on soldiers at the best of times and you put you put them on crystal meth. This that's going to cause some and these guys are huge as well. Aren't they some of them? That the. Yeah. I mean, I'm guessing this boys. Yeah, I mean, they're probably big from an indigenous genetic perspective. But I'm guessing there's some steroids and stuff going on there as well. And then you chuck chuck a drug like crystal meth in the mix.   So there's not, you know, like I say, they. They play in their own backyard. OK, so they stick to themselves. But that's probably because of the organised nature of their crime, their crime now.  And this is just my opinion. But when it's that organised, you don't need to go out and rob. When you when you've got, you know, sophisticated distribution chains that they have. And I know that because, you know, my circles, I see I see those drugs all the time. You know, my social circles on the musician.  So the distribution chains are very sophisticated. And so when you're making that much money, even along that distribution chain, the need to go out there into the general public and cause havoc is, you know, is not needed. And there's a bit of, you know, trouble brewing between the gangs. But, you know, that's going to be around. What's the time? What's their initiation? I bet it's something really extreme. I don't know what the initiation is now, Chris, but it used to be it used to be pretty extreme. It used to always involve some level of violence. But not normally on members of the public. It was normally on other gang members, you know what I mean? Yeah, some sort of retaliation or something maybe revenge. Yeah, yeah, and doing horrible things to each other.  And committing crime, committing some sort of crime was used to be the go. I honestly, it's been so long now since I was part of that. I wouldn't know what the initiation is these days. And, Sean, just one final question. Seeing as though we've got your knowledge, where during your time as a detective, did you see much cocaine coming into New Zealand? Because, again, it's so far away from everywhere. Yeah, it comes in. It definitely comes in as we know that it comes in because we're stopping it at the borders. So, what we know is what we stop is not, you know, if that's how much is coming in, we know that we're stopping that much. Yeah. You know, we're not stopping everything that comes in. So, that's coming in. The myth is coming in a little, we're not catching a lot of that by all accounts. And I can say that because I have somebody that I communicate with regularly at customs. So, I know what's going on at customs. It just so happens that it's just a coincidence. So, it's readily available. I know that it's really available because I'm a social person. I go out and I still like to party with my group of friends and the social users. So, it's readily available when we don't manufacture it, produce it here. We know that much. Yeah. Somehow it's still getting through. The price is still the same even this year with, you know, the borders situation and that. So, that's a really good question. I can't see us producing it here. No. I'm just kind of curious because in the UK it's fairly huge. I'm not sure of what you actually buy for your 50 quid, which is quite expensive when you consider, you know, you can get meth or something for a tenor and anyone listening, I'm not suggesting you do this. This is just educational speak here.   And if it's that bad here, and yet we're not even that diluted here, yeah, then I'm wondering what it's like. In fact, you're probably... I'm just looking at on my map here for the South America. I'm not sure geographically, you're probably a bit further away, aren't you, than us? You're probably the other side of Antarctica. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. We're closer to Asia than we are to South America than you guys. Yes. And that's another weird thing, is when I was in Hong Kong, which is a fair way away from South America, the cocaine there was just pure.  But then again, Hong Kong's the shipping capital of the world probably. So all the trade capital of the world. So back to your police days, then, Sean, you started coming under severe pressure, stress, and it all started building up? Yeah, well, just I didn't know it. I didn't know because never experienced inappropriate anxiety attacks or panic attacks ever before. And I wasn't prone to shine. Don't think so or anything. I was just a normal kid growing up into sports, into himself. Thought he was 10 foot tall and bulletproof. And yeah, something really interesting happened one day.  That's not important. Important thing is to realise that you have a bad behaviour and get rid of it and change the behaviour. And that removes the anxiety. But do you want me to explain, talk about my first time, my first time I experienced a panic attack or? Yes, please. Feel free, Sean, to enlighten us to whatever you feel is pertinent to your story. Yeah, so I mean, everything, when I think back, everything seemed pretty normal. I was a uniform policeman at that stage. I was probably about 22 or 23. And then I had to go and talk at a school of, primary school, five and six year olds. And I'd done that a dozen times before. And I sat in front of them in the room and I just remember my heart starting to race and found it difficult to speak. My throat was tensing up my stomach.  Like it was just really, really overwhelming and I couldn't think and what was happening, I was having a panic attack, but I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know why and I just couldn't function and I was profusely sweating and everything and I just was like an outer body or just a body. It was like an outer body or derealisation or depersonalisation experience. And what was happening was my subconscious mind and the panic button had been turned on for whatever reason. For whatever reason, the panic button was turned on in a situation when it shouldn't have ever been turned on. But I reacted badly and I made a situation worse. But I couldn't go anywhere so I just sat there and I just sucked it up. And I gave my talk and it was embarrassed. Then you overcome with embarrassment and all this sort of carry on because you just don't know what's happening. And that was the very first time but what happened was I didn't get up or go anywhere because I couldn't, I had to keep talking. So within about five minutes it had gone. That fear had gone and the sensations, the sensations had subsided. The adrenaline was still present in my body as I didn't know this. The reason why the anxiety sensation increased was because adrenaline is released into the body to prepare you for fight or flight. That's what's happening.  So there was still adrenaline in my body but because I'm an adrenaline junkie, it felt good. And that's probably part of my problems because I always saw adrenaline inducing activities. But when you've got that adrenaline in your body and you don't know why it's there, it can be quite uncomfortable. But anyway, I stayed there, did the talk and within five minutes it had all gone, gone away.  So I jumped in the patrol car wondering what the hell just happened and then just forgot about it. And just didn't think much of it. But what happened was over time that those sorts of incidences will keep happening randomly more and more. And then what happens is you start worrying about that, that memory, the experience and you start thinking about and anticipating the next time things like that happens. And so over time, what's happening in the background is your normal level of anxiety through behaviour modification, through repetitiveness, your baseline level of anxiety is growing in the background. It's levels are rising and rising and your new normal anxiety levels are getting higher and higher. Whereas when you're born you have, say, you just have a, this is your baseline level of anxiety and through trauma, through stress, through exhaustion, through whatever, you can start stressing out and you can get exhausted and it happens with everybody. And if you don't take time to relax and to chill out and to allow the anxiety to receive back down to normal, you'll end up resetting your anxiety levels, if that makes sense. That's the layman's terms of what's going on.   You start becoming concerned about it and what we call resistance, you start resisting it. So the more you resist the more, persist the more and you resist the more prevalent these sensations get and you're just building this anxious behaviour. So you're walking around anticipating these shots of adrenaline and panic and sure enough that's going to happen because that's where your attitude and your attention is. And so for me, I'd be walking around and just having panic attacks all over the place. And I couldn't even, I didn't even know what was causing it. So I couldn't go, okay, there's a cafe. I'm not going to go into that cafe because I'm going to have a panic attack. So the panic attacks are kicking in and what we're saying here, Sean, is your response in trying to protect yourself from them is actually entrenching them deeper and setting your, turn that light down, sorry. It's actually establishing them even more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Your behaviours perpetuating the problem, your conscious attitude is making the situation worse. Wow. And yeah, in a nutshell, I mean, we're just brushing over this, but essentially your conscious attitude in the moment is what fuels anxiety into panic attacks. Anxiety attacks start with a little sensation and that sensation brings up a memory and experience. So the trigger, like for example, if you're going to a queue in a bank, if you stand in the line and this is a thing and if that triggers in a response, and an anxious response, that's not the problem. That's not the problem at all. The problem is what you do with that anxious, initial anxious sensation if that makes sense. So if I'm going into a boardroom, so this is one of my ones, so I'll use my experiences. At the height of my panic, I'd be sitting in the boardroom and it's like ridiculous now when I think about it. And the minute someone looked at me or asked me a question, I'd feel these really uncomfortable tightening, this tightening in my chest and my stomach and just start becoming really have these out-of-body experiences and those initial sensations would turn up. And what I did with that at that point determined whether it just fizzled out into nothing or whether it just went haywire and all, how broke loose and turned on the panic button and resulting in the overwhelming urge to just get the hell out of there. And so it was that initial sensation and people looking at me and going, oh, fuck, I'm going to embarrass myself. I've got to get out of here. I've got to get out of here. And now if I kept thinking like that, which is what happens, you will, it will get so bad where you have to leave. You don't have to actually leave, but that's what you believe. So until you act on that belief, more adrenaline is going to be pumped into your body. You're going to get more on, feel more on edge and all your senses are going to get heightened to the point where you've just got to either fight or run. But it doesn't have to be like that. You can dis-empower it as soon as that initial sensation or trigger turns up.  You know, I'm going to the exit. I'm sitting up against the wall. So that's creating all these tension and if you act on that, if you go towards that middle of that cafe, it's going to create even more tension and anxiety. It's going to release even more adrenaline into your body and you'll probably freak out and act on that. And what I'm saying is you don't have to act on that. You can talk to yourself in a way that turns the panic button off. Yes, I'm resonating with this when I'm talking to an audience. Sometimes I'm thinking like, sorry, go on, just move this light, Sean, it's never in the right place. Yeah, I'm talking to an audience and as the speakers introducing me in the seconds it's like five, four, I'm stood there thinking, oh my God, what, you get that kind of nervous feeling and you think, what if I can't speak? What if I'm like, right?  I'm in for a penny, in for a pound. Just dive in and just, this is, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. And suddenly that switch just enables me to sort of go into professional. Professional mode. 100% and that's a huge takeaway if there are sufferers watching, listening and they think they have to cope. What they need to know is that every time you act on that false fear, so let's call it a false alarm, right? Let's call this public speaking, five, four, three, two, one, it's your turn. That trigger or that fear, which is perfectly normal, if you were to act on that, so what's happening is, your false alarm is telling you to do something and I'll go back to my situation.  Before you have to start talking, find an excuse. Find an excuse to just go. You've got to go right now. So if you act on that and you get up and you follow on that belief, if you act on that, you're going to go out of the room and your panic will immediately subside because there's no more fear.  But one of the takeaways for sufferers, and it might be really hard to understand or believe or even have trust in what I'm saying is, if you did stay there, nothing would ever happen.   I'm going to get up, I'm going to move forward and I'm going to engage. The minute you open your mouth, everything's fine. Yeah, it always is because you're dealing with a false alarm that you're not acting on. The two things you need to know before you go into your hot moments, the most important thing that the therapies don't tell you or the programmes don't tell you is you've got to do some homework before you go and address your anxiety-provoking situations. You have to know intimately what you believe is going to happen, right? You need to know what the false alarm is telling you to do.  Yep, before they look at you and you have to speak, find a reason to get out. That's what my belief, the false alarm is telling me to run. Run before you embarrass yourself. You've got to know before you go into your hot moments what your beliefs are because you need to be able to challenge them in the right way. You've got to know what your false alarm wants you to do because your job is to not do what that false alarm is telling you to do. That's all you need to do. And you need to know what you do physiologically as well, okay? In your hot moment, you're going to do things. For example, if I'm at a, in the boardroom and the people are looking at me and it's my turn and someone mentions me, you know, you get this sort of thing going on here, you're trying to frickin' shrinking you, sort of, you know, and people are looking at you so, you know, it's like, you need to know all these physiological things you do to protect yourself because while you're doing those, you've reinforced to the subconscious mind that you need protecting.  I know physiologically what I normally do. So, you know, when I came out of it, when I can kick that ass, is when I felt the sensations turning up, I can move forward. I use my physiology positively instead of going like this and trying to shrink. I, you know, I pushed my shoulders back. I pumped my chest out. I moved forward and I put my hands on the table right in front of anyone and I just spoke. And as soon as I did that, nothing happened. So, the showing people how to disempower panic is really easy. It's really easy and it's 100% successful every single time you do what I've just said, providing you've done your homework.  But what you don't realise is that you still have a bad habit, right? So, the next time you go into a queue at a bank, the next time you go to public speak or the next time you go to a situation that triggers your panic, it's going to happen again and again, and again, and again until you rewrite, until you change the record, until you change the habitual patterns of behaviour.  They forget what to do in a hot moment. They forget what to do in a hot moment because it's still a habitual pattern of behaviour to react the way they reacted.  But if they just realise that it's one thing to disempower panic in the moment, that's a piece of piss. But to remove the triggers, to remove the sensitivity, to remove the panic, you have to do some work. You've got to do some work on yourself. You've got to build some new routines. You've got to reset that amygdala from this new baseline back down to normal and you can only do that through repetitive behaviour. You know, you created the habitual pattern of behaviour. It's through repetitive, anxious behaviour whether you knew it or not. The only way to reset that is by practising being a non-anxious person, day in, day out, routine after routine after routine. And that's what sufferers won't do. So, they have success. They have success, but then they expect it, like they expect to be healed instantly when that's not how habituation, it's not how behaviour works. You don't pick up a guitar, I'm a musician.  I can't play like Stevie Ray Vaughan. You don't expect that.  We're not willing to expose ourselves over time, to keep practising in attitude and practising and practising until it becomes sick in nature. That's my takeaway. Yeah, the points that are coming up here for me is also, if you went to see a traditional, let's say, therapist or what they call talk therapy, two things are going to happen there. One, I doubt that therapist is going to be saying the direct action measures that you're telling me now, shorty, I reckon they're going to be more. I haven't done it, so I'm not generalising here, and this is for the sake of conversation, but if they're like, oh, they're there, you're okay, tell me what happened. Well, two things. One, they're not getting this vital tool that clearly is the thing to address the panic. It's the turnaround, face it, I know there's a lot more to it because I've read a lot more things you can do because I've read your book. But also, along with not getting the proper tool to deal with it, you're re-establishing that fear and panic by talking through these scenarios all the time. Absolutely, 100%. There's got to be a balance about talking about it because when you talk about something that doesn't even exist, that is a ghost that's a false alarm, every time you talk to the wrong person about it, you're reinforcing that behaviour, right? That's why I say in my book, don't talk to family members about it, talk to someone like myself or a therapist that knows their shit, right? Because too much talking just reinforces this false fear. We're not in... There's a balance between allowing you, say for you or a safara, because I've got to build that relationship with you. So I'm going to listen to you for a little bit. But I'm a coach, I'm not a therapist. And a coach-student relationship, the coach does all the talking. The student just listens and does what he or she's told, right? But you've got to build that relationship up. So I'll listen to your story a little bit. But I want to get to the cause. I want to get to giving you the tools and the education and the training and the roadmap and the program to heal yourself if you want to heal yourself. There's way too much talk going on. There should be more coaching. You know, student...  The coach does all the talking.   You've got to shift that balance. But you can't do that without building that relationship. And that's the big rub. Unless a therapist or whatever, a counsellor, whatever, can relate to you. It's a bit of an uphill battle getting students to do what they have to do. And even myself, man, I can build really strong relationships. And there are just some that are just so entrenched in this fear that they're just not willing to do what they have to do. They can disempower panic, but to day in, day out, do what you need to do. The mantras, the self-talk, the self-love, the self-acceptance, the gratitude. And the practising going into your hot moments with the right attitude, with the right mantras set up, with your right set up and all your planning.  It's got to become a part of you, Sean, right?  I probably even do it when I'm asleep now. One is ultimate self-love.  Of which I'm completely apologised. Still cringing, still cringing over it. Oh, God, yeah. Chuck in a good sprinkler or a few shovelfuls of cringe as well. So ultimate self-love, which involves forgiveness. Just as an aside, I chuck it in there for people that are interested, but for me, the past is the past. I don't even think... The only thing I think about the past is the good stuff. The rest of it, I couldn't care less about.  Just on that forgiveness, Chris, just one thing with the forgiveness. It's really important that we forgive ourselves, because we've got to be able to forgive others as well. Because we're not... To be able to forgive yourself and be able to forgive others is to acknowledge that I'm not perfect. And neither is anyone else. So that compassion, you do that for yourself, you forgive others for yourself. It's a real healing. When I'm chatting to my young people, Sean, doing the odd bit of life coaching, I explain it like this. If you're in the marble championship of the world and you've got your big pot of marbles, but in life, the reality is you've got a gripe with this person because I don't know, they bullied you at school or they backhanded you when you didn't deserve it or not that we deserve getting hit, but something like this, it's like you're trying to win the marble championship of the world but you're taking your marbles and you're putting them in their pot. And then you wonder why you're not winning, i.e. why you're not happy. And it's what Sean said. You have to forgive. I mean, it doesn't mean, like, accepting that bad behaviour is OK. That's a different thing again. It's that you got on this person's human.   That's empathy and compassion, brother. To forgive others is to acknowledge that you're not perfect as well. And it's a real moral high ground that's always a slippery slope, that moral high ground that refuses to forgive people for their actions.  And that forgiveness of others is awful for me. I forgive others for me, not necessarily for the other person. It feels good.  There doesn't harm anyone else. It's good for people around you. You should just do it. But it's a big leveler with respect to the panic. It's a good reminder, this self-love, self-forgiveness, that we're all equal, that when you're in that boardroom, there's no one in there that's better than you. There's no one in there that probably is even judging you. Sorry, Chris. Sorry, you go. No, no, no. Here's another good, good takeaway that any sufferers listening just needs to know that in all my years of suffering, even my friends had no idea I was suffering. I was panicking at the time. And in all my years of study and research under trainers and my last 11 years of helping other people, nobody really knows when people are having difficulty. For many reasons. One reason is because we're all just too wrapped up in our own stuff. So people don't even realise when people are under, having difficulty in their boardroom. No one knows. No one knew that I was having difficulty. And I know that because I went back and I spoke with colleagues.  You look normal. You look almost cocky. And that was part of a byproduct. But that's for people that suffer from social anxiety or social phobia. It's the fear of the sensations, but it's also the fear of being embarrassed. That's just another level of difficulty, having this fear of being embarrassed. But the takeaway is you're not as important as you think you are. You're not as important as you think you are. And no one really knows because we're all just tied up in our own thing and we all act differently anyway. And so how to deal with this fear of being embarrassed is through self-love, building up self-love, and gratitude and acceptance for yourself, and being prepared to be embarrassed.  And you start doing that and you start turning the tables. But ultimately, people don't really know what's going on. We think we're too important. Well, this is part of... I don't want to sort of go on to a parallel narrative here, but I've got my ideas of why so many people are screwed up in society. I don't think it's accidental. I think if it's all part of an agenda by the ruling elite sociopaths that have controlled the whole goddamn show since the days of Babylon, right? Control the money system, control the mainstream media, control everything. I think one of the things they're good at doing is getting you to focus on your identity as an individual as opposed to understanding that we are, whether we like it or not, part of something much bigger. And this is where it gets clever. So these carbon molecules that people like to call Chris's rule, but which in actual fact are just carbon molecules held together at a vibrating frequency, I'm actually no different to a book if you really want to get them. Analytical. And as such, I can dismiss a lot of day-to-day things like panic because I know that this is just an illusion. I'm trying to talk it without sounding utterly confusing, but I know that I'm a part of the universe first primarily and that this universe has been here since time immemorial and it's going to be here to infinity. So so are these molecules. And by reminding myself that I'm part of the universe first, secondly, I just happen to be formed like this. You know, when I die next week, suddenly these molecules, they'll be different stuff. This molecule will be up flying in a bird. This molecule will be running down a river. The molecules in my foot might be floating in the sea. Molecules in my heart might be reforming as a tree or as a carrot in someone's vegetable patch, right? This is it.  I don't really care to even want to understand or I kind of know I'm never going to understand it and I'm happy with that. And when you take yourself out of yourself like that, there's a lot less stress on trying to be bloody perfect. Right on.   They've got some learning to do to become well-rounded people. You know, in an attitude like that, like seeing yourself in a bigger picture, actually is a really good tool to expand your awareness in situations. It is actually a really good tool to start building up your awareness exactly the way you've described it.  You can take what I've just said out of context, but man, that is the best advice you can start practising. But the thing is, your attitude, my attitude of not giving a shit, it's powerful that you've got to be prepared day in, day out practising that. Some sufferers are really good at giving it a go for a couple of days and then allow habits to creep back in. Because creatures of habit, because habits don't like dying, they won't just roll over, they'll keep coming back. And it can be really tough for sufferers to change their behaviour and change their attitude. It's not impossible, but they've got to be prepared. And this is another takeaway. You've got to be prepared to practise and practise a new attitude. And it's going to be tough. It's always difficult at the start. Anything that you try and do for a start at the start, it's going to be difficult. You go on a diet for the first two to three weeks.   Everything smells like food.  Going and training at a gym for the first two to three weeks a month, it's tough, but eventually you start forming the habit. And this is my takeaway.    Maori, we have a little saying, do the mahi. Mahi is mahi for work. And that's, you know, do the mahi, get the treats. If you do the work, you get the treats. But it's trying to get sufferers up to the starting, you know, up to the plate to start swinging and persistently swing. But that's what my programme does.  So, Sean, to finish off, how can people access your services or your skills and where can they find your book? I'll just reach out to me at atekpanic.co.nz. I'll put that link below our chat. Yeah, just reach out and, you know, we'll have a chat. I have a coaching programme, a personal coaching programme, a four-week coaching programme. I have, you know, obviously in my book, you can buy my book through my website. You can go on to Amazon. You can buy it online. But yeah, just reach out. Just reach out and let's start a conversation and see where you go. I've got some big, you know, some big ideas and visions of where I want my next book to go and my programmes to go and, you know, it's nothing better than helping someone who's found themselves in a pickle. I've been doing this for 10, 11 years now. I've published eight years ago and, you know, since then it's just been really humbling and rewarding, just helping people get their life back and heal themselves, you know.  So, we've given, basically, we've given five practical tools. Sean has given five practical tools there that we can all implement if we're experiencing this panic business.  Ultimate self-love and forgiveness. Remember, we're part of a much bigger thing. Our time in this form is very limited. So, just get on and enjoy it. Remember, probably not as important as maybe you think you are in that moment of panic and no one's judging you. And if they are, that's their issue. You know, we're really focusing on this, the anxiety, social anxiety, social phobia part of the anxiety conditions. That's really good. That's so important that no one's judging us apart from ourselves. But you need to practice being a non-judge, self-judging person. You can't just listen to me and Chris and then the next day think that shit's going to change. Nothing's going to change. You need to put in the work. You need to put in the persistent behavioural modifications or the changes.  Every time you do all these little bits, just reinforcing bad behaviour. You've got to know what your belief or your false alarm's telling you to do.   But you've got to know and understand what's happening. And, Chris, in the background, you've got to understand the truth about what's going on before you can grab the courage to do what I'm telling you to do. Yes. Without belief in what we're saying, you'll run out of puff. You'll be like, OK, Sean and Chris, I'm going to try this.  And that's a recipe for disaster. So friends at home, much love to you all. Thank you so much for watching another episode of The T-Shirt Podcast. I love having this podcast. I get to chat to wonderful people like Sean and we can come up with this stuff and you'll probably guess we're not spring chickens. I'm a bit less springy than Sean, I reckon.  Don't ask my opinion, right, because it doesn't have to be like that. So thank you all for watching. If you could like and subscribe, that would be wonderful. I'll see you next time. Sean, thank you ever so much, mate. No problem, mate. Thank you. Privilege.


All right, you guys so as promised this is number two in my monthly favorites I didn't want to make a video that was 45 minutes long, so I split these apart This is more about the things that don't fit into the makeup and skincare category Little bit of lifestyle a little bit of fashion that kind of stuff So we're gonna get right into this but if you're new to my channel I would love to have you here as a part of the YouTube family that we're building Great bunch of people here and so supportive of each other and I think that you would really enjoy it The other thing is please give this video a thumbs up if you wouldn't mind I do appreciate you appreciate it when you do that It helps me generate my video out there into YouTube land so that more people can take advantage of our channel So let's get into what I found as far as lifestyle favorite. Okay, so the first thing I got off of Amazon I was in my purse one day trying to put a lipstick on and I'm like do I really not have any sort of a mirror in here with all the makeup that I carry around it's usually just touch-up makeup and Lipstick and I usually just don't have a mirror So I was like I need a mirror in my purse and I need it now So what I love about this little mirror is it does have the one times and then the two time magnifying in here but it also has a light in here and the other thing that is great about the light is that This doesn't have to have batteries in it It does have a port on this side right here where you can just recharge it It's rechargeable, which I just I love that everybody's doing that now because who wants to go out and buy batteries I mean, we're not one we don't have to anymore, right? So love that.   Marnie Miss gold girl. She was the one that suggested these I had to have them immediately They come in a pack like this of a hundred and you just clip them on there and I think they are fantastic Brilliant idea. I put them on all of my polishes But of course you guys know that I am a Zoya Polish lover and Zoya did their beginning of the years that well they did their Christmas sale And then they did this beginning of the year sale So this color right here is kind of a rosy with a little bit of a sheen on there And this one is called Mary Ann so pretty you can see it right there And then this one right here is the one I have on today and this one is called a vet That's the one I have on just think that one is gorgeous And then this one right here is called Haruka Haruko. I hope that's how you say that Anyway, this one is one that when you put it on that's five coats on there You guys I mean who's gonna put five coats of fingernail polish onto their fingernails. I know I'm not so this one can Be used as a topper or you can build it up to be the actual color that is inside the bottle So I love Zoya nail polishes and I love that they have so many sales Please get on their email list follow them on Instagram They have all the notifications of what they're doing on Instagram all the time sometimes I catch it through my email Sometimes I catch it through you know Instagram But either way they have some of the most fantastic sales I've ever seen and I do know that come spring I believe it's sometime around in April They have this program where you get free nail polishes for turning in your old nail polishes that were crap. I Do this every year and I love it. So check into those. All right, you guys huge lifestyle favorite for me are these boots These are black boots. They have a zipper on the back They do have quite a nice heel on them, but it's a block heel. Look how cute the buckle is on the other side So you got the zipper on the back and then you have all of these little things that you can see through So you see a little skin through there, which I think is so cute, but I love these buckles I've been wearing these with longer skirts and I just think these are so much fun And I also have worn them with leggings and tights too So you can wear them with all kinds of things really But I just love wearing them with skirts because they're like a little bit dressier without going all the way up your Calf and I have a little bit thicker calf.  Okay, this adorable little purse was sent to me by a handbag company and I will make sure that I link down below who they are and I do have a discount code. I believe so that you can get this but this is such a cute purse So I I can fit, you know, like my wallet my cell phone a little bit of makeup in here and a couple other things But I I find that I don't I'm not able to like jam-pack this full of stuff because then it doesn't really look as cute It doesn't you know hold as much so it is a smaller purse I hope that you guys can see how small it is It does have the the handle that goes across you and then it has the two handles here, which I think are so cute It has the pewter design and then everything is Piped in in black so the leather or the faux leather or whatever it is is got the black detailing on there And then inside it does have three pockets And it has your cell phone pocket in here And then it has the other pocket that is the zipper pocket and then on the back It has another zipper pocket So if you're somebody that doesn't like to carry around big purses I don't because I have shoulder problems and it can make my shoulder and neck hurt if I'm carrying too much weight Which I have a tendency to do when I carry around a big purse So this purse has just been so much fun for me And it has the riveting details all the way across it in the pewter or the that's not pewter what a gun Metal excuse me So I think that if you're somebody that likes a smaller purse that you may really like this and it doesn't break The bank either as far as a purse goes.  It has little hearts dangling from the lariat right here and then you kind of Thread it through here and it is a little bit shorter. It's almost kind of like a choker more than anything But I think it's so cute You can kind of cinch it up a little bit if you want that more of effect And you would if you needed to make it longer you might need to buy one of those extenders But I've just been loving it and I love how it sparkles and according to what I saw on amazon It's supposed to be 925 silver. There is a stamp on here that says 925 So I'm hoping so and it was very very affordable So love that necklace and I wanted to mention it to you guys because in my last couple videos You were saying that you really like the necklace So I just wanted to make sure I told you about it And then one more lifestyle favorite that is a completely random thing you guys is this This looks like it should be something that you play with the dogs that with out there outside This goes in your microwave. It's a cover for anything you put in there So it doesn't splatter all over your microwave and get your microwave all messy But what's really cool about it is this right here is magnetic So you can pick it up and put it on the roof Of your microwave without having to take it out every single time and then cover yourself So it's up on the roof you put your your food in there and then you just drop it down onto your food Covers your food it keeps everything vented because it has these vents that are right here And it's super easy to clean. I just when I was cleaning this this morning I actually just took a little soap and water and cleaned it up and it did really good And no the magnets won't interfere with your microwave at all. I've been using this for Well over two months now and have been absolutely loving it. So keep your microwave clean and use this Okay, one more thing. I mentioned this not too long ago in A random amazon loves and I'm gonna mention it again because if you follow me on instagram or facebook you know that I have been in and out of doctors and hospitals with my mom recently and Might not be able to find a port you might not have a plug-in thing with you whatever Well, this little thing is a charger It does come with the little wire that comes that goes into your phone and it then into this So you have that but this will keep my phone charged. I mean if my phone's like dead This will keep my phone charged for another four hours if it's charged up itself And it just saved me while I was in there waiting for my mom and I absolutely love having it I keep it in my purse. It comes in this cute little mesh sack And I just throw it in there. It doesn't get damaged by anything and I really like it So would highly recommend one of those now into the fails for me for the month I had quite a few you guys. Okay, let's start out with drugstore fails from elves. These are they're seriously satin lipsticks and There's just no color here and that's the part that was really kind of irritating to me If they're gonna say satin, I understand that they'll have a little bit of sheen to them But all sheen and they just weren't comfortable. They wore off really quickly So I would say if you've seen those and you've been wanting to try and pass on them The putty primer for the eyes that they just came out with this is one of the most stiff products I think I've ever used it is white very white And but in rubbing it across my eyes It feels like chalk And I don't like tugging across my eyelids because I already have enough of a problem with wrinkling and stuff Crappiness on the top of my eyelids. So this is a hard pass for me I just couldn't get on board with it. And then I tried the Revlon candid glow I like the original Revlon candid one, but the glow one there is no coverage here whatsoever So if you are wanting a foundation that even gives you like Sheer medium buildable, this isn't it So I actually put two coats of this on and then had to go back in with another foundation even after that So I would say steer clear of that and if you need a you know more coverage foundation And then the screen queen from Milani, unfortunately guys same thing with this I'm not even going to do wear tests on these because for one thing I just felt like If I'm going to do my makeup and take the trouble of doing my makeup I want to at least look finished and I don't feel like either one of these gives a finish And this one does say that it's sheer coverage on it So if you're somebody that likes sheer coverage, you might really like this This is it says natural finish foundation I don't it might be a natural finish But I couldn't tell that there was a finish at all because I felt like it was just way too sheer And it couldn't be built on so I'm disappointed in that But you know what the other foundation from Milani is so matte That I feel like if you fixed it if you mixed this in with the other one You might have a really good foundation you might get one that is just perfect for dry mature skin So I might even try that one and see how that one works I feel like a chemist half the time when I'm doing these things I just feel like I really need to be out there in The labs creating something good for the mature woman And then I also got in my boxy charm. This is the watermelon glow sleeping mask from glow recipe You guys this is just more more along the lines of being of being a hyaluronic acid product With watermelon scent in it and it was really really strong on the scent too Don't mind the scent if I was eating a jolly rancher But I don't want to put that much fragrance on my skin in my skincare So it I put two coats of it on and still felt like my skin was getting tight and dry So that is one that just didn't work out for me at all Oh, and I wanted to definitely tell you guys about this good molecules wake up ice serum Okay, this is a good and a bad and I'll tell you why if you have bags underneath your Underneath your eyes and you know the puffy bags that people get this might be really good for you But because my under eyes are so dry and crepey That it just dried them out even more, but that's the technology behind it I'm sure it has caffeine in it and you have those bags. It's going to help to Um dehydrate those bags So if you have those you might really enjoy this product But I found that part way through the day my concealer looked terrible and my makeup even down here looked terrible Because this product was drying my eyes out so much and I have such dry under eyes anyway So this one was a no go for me and then also a no go was the biore uzi aqua It's got the spf of 50, which is really great, but again dried me out like no other So i'm going to be using this up on maybe my arms or you know somewhere else I'm not going to be using this on my face because I was noticing again My makeup was looking so bad because all the moisture had just been sucked out of it And I can't have that at all now I am going to get a lot of flak from this, but Here they are you guys from toddy beauty I wanted to get these test them out see what all the hype was all about because so many people were saying how wonderful they were and how Great they were for applying foundation powder. I've seen people put on every bit of their makeup with their eye makeup everything I think that they're okay. I think that they're fine. I think that they apply makeup just fine I don't think it was my best makeup day ever. You know, I don't think it was my best, you know Application I'm so used to brushes and the beauty sponge That this was a little bit hard to get used to but it reminded me of the puffs that we used to get just in our compacts It really reminded me of that and then if you if you watched gen loves reviews She did one half of her face with the compact spent a little round Compact puffs that we got and the other half with this and she Showed us the after and it didn't look any different So a little bit disappointed in that. I don't feel like it perfected my skin any better than any other way that I apply it My preferred way is a beauty sponge. I seem to get a lot more hydration from that And a lot more of a very soft even skin tone putting my foundation on then with this So these don't hate me But I didn't I didn't like these so much that I could just say you guys need to run out and get them So just my thoughts on it you guys just one woman's opinion if you like it I'm so glad that you do but that was just my my personal feeling about it That's it for today's video Hope that you do enjoy these kinds of videos where I show you the good the bad and the in between Give it a thumbs up if you did before you head on out of here Don't forget to in the comment section below Tell me any good or bad makeup that you've tried this month And if any of these products are products that you've tried maybe some of my fails were some of your favorites And I love to hear that too. Sometimes that makes me go back and try a product over again Just to make sure that I wasn't being weird that day. Thank you so much for being a part of my youtube family Hope everybody is happy and healthy. I will see you all in my very next video. Love you. Bye. Bye


Hey there lads and ladies, it is Petrifying Pumpkins here and I am back with your top plays for Firewall Zero Hour December 2019 Edition. I've done something like this in the past, I'm bringing it back now and hopefully you guys will enjoy it. So I didn't get a huge amount of submissions for this first episode back but hopefully with this video we'll raise a bit more awareness and we'll get a lot more submissions for the January edition which will come out in early February and so on and so forth. Fingers crossed. If you're wondering how you can submit your clip for the next edition of your top plays then all the details will be in the description below so just go check that out and make sure you follow all the rules and you'll be eligible. And one last thing, these videos are not ordered in any particular way, that's because I want you guys to decide for yourself in the comments what you think was the best one. So with all that out of the way, let's jump right in. Higher Primate 30 scores a 3 pointer. Higher Primate 30 is back again with this devastating flank. Your arch enemy next with a C4 Ace that surprises absolutely everyone. Who am I? Is he dead?  That was a C4 Ace I guess. I will. Now. That never happens. Whoa, that's never happened, that's crazy. Your arch enemy is back again showing us that the first one wasn't a fluke. I do but I want to do what I'm doing right at this moment. Yeah. Three of them dead. Oh, four of them dead. Damn, that was quick. Shit, it was an Ace for C4. Nice.  Alright, you can blow that in my face, don't worry about it. Yeah, it won't hurt me.  It won't kill me unless the FC4 planted on the other side. And that's it for the December 2019 edition of Your Top Plays. Let me know what you thought in the comments below and make sure you check that description if you're interested in submitting your own clips too.  I'm very sorry to those who submitted and I didn't make it through. It's just that your arch enemy and your higher primate, I found those the most entertaining of all the clips I got, so I put them in. So well done to them lads as well. Of course, a special thank you to my Patreon supporters whose names are on the screen right now. Thanks to their generosity, their help in making this channel a lot better. Also, let me give a shout-outs to the following top tier patrons. Pete Hawkins, Tradition, Crumb and Columbus Thomas III. Thank you very much for watching and I will see you all in the next one. Bye for now.


This 2021 Ford F350 Crew Cab Short Box Single Rear Wheel XLT is stock number 11948Z. We are here at Summit Automotive in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, you're new and used heavy duty truck headquarters. This 2021 Ford F350 has the 6.7 liter power stroke diesel engine. This truck has been fully safe and inspected by our service shop has a fresh oil and filter change all the fluids have been checked and tapped off. And this truck is 100% ready to go. We shoot all of our videos in 1080p 60 frames per second. So if you have HD capabilities on your computer tablet smartphone or television turn them on right now because it is your best way to check out the quality condition and options of the truck before seeing it in person. And if you like the video and want to subscribe to our YouTube channel in the lower right hand part of the screen is a subscribe button click that and then click the bell notifications so that you can get updates every day. We do videos here at Summit Auto. This one comes with the chromed alloy rims and it has brand new general grabber 35x12.5 R18 LT tires they are brand new. We put those on in our safety inspection frame and underbody is in excellent shape. Front fender is absolutely perfect headlight lenses are nice and clear factory fog lights front bumper no dense no dings lower valances like new and the hood is in excellent condition as well no denser dings on there. Passengers side front fender looks really good no denser dings and the passengers side rim no major scuffs or scrapes. Magnetics got just a little bit of metal flake to it pretty cool color always like showing that kind of simulate what it would look like in the sun bright sunshine as you go down this side of the truck take note of how clean the body is how reflective and mirror like that paint is we take these HD videos so if you are far away or even if you're close by and just cannot make the trip down but you're still interested in purchasing the truck you can see the truck here the truck and have confidence in the vehicle that you're looking at before you even get here so you can make a smart and informed buying decision from your own home or wherever you may be watching this video or shopping from his back rim is in excellent shape as well and the back tires are brand new to frame and underbody looks like a brand new truck and it's like that all the way underneath has all the remaining factory exhaust so it hasn't been altered in any way shape or form coming around to the back of the vehicle rear bumper is an excellent condition does have the backup parking sensors full towing package which includes a receiver hitch four pin and seven pin wiring the tailgate is in really nice condition as well I didn't see any denser dings on there and it does come with a bed mat bed is in really nice shape and it does have LED bed lighting you can see that you get the lights up there and over here and that turns on with the button that's back here tailgate shuts nice and solidly and as you go down this side of the truck just as clean as I pass in your side no denser dings in the box and for full disclosure this back rim is in nice shape as well driver side doors look good does have the telescopic tow mirrors with the built-in directional signals you get blind spot monitoring they telescope like so they also fold in like that and this one does have the door code entry and we do have the code and if you want to figure out how to get your door code maybe you're watching this video because you like these trucks you have one don't know your door code in the upper right hand part of screen I show you how to find your door code on your truck so check that out great cloth interior with the XLT package power driver seat no rips or tears factory floor mats smells very clean inside this truck I don't think it's ever been smoked in you do get auto headlamps power pedals power windows power locks and power mirrors we'll hop inside turn the ignition on so you can check out the miles and the radio and everything that this truck has to offer on the interior you can see that this one has 6,321 miles instrument cluster is very nice and clean and you do get that digital speedometer right there on the left side you get cruise and information center controls steering wheel is a nice shape Bluetooth and in audio controls on the right now this one comes with the 10 speed automatic transmission you can still put that into a manual shift mode but you can see right there it is the 10 speed over here you have the 8 inch sync radio and FM and serious satellite radio capabilities on this vehicle and this is also where your backup camera shows up but you got to have got to have the truck running to do that so once we started I'll show you that factory exhaust brake stability control turned out four-wheel drive factory brake controller you got your heated mirror buttons climate controls radio controls right there down here you get a USB and a USB-C two cup holders but you can make that for cup holders just like that that's pretty cool you get it on 12 volt and 110 volt 400 watt plug-in right there passenger side format and seat are in excellent condition and the headliner is absolutely perfect you do get map lights up there we'll take a quick look at the back seats and then we will start it up check out under the hood back seats are just as clean as the front seats no rips or tears back here it does come with the latch child safety system for any child car seats you may have fixed glass rear window these seats do fold up there is a collapsible floor here that turns into a storage compartment but you can put that down and then it'll be a flat floor right there so that's pretty cool too and the carpeting is nice and clean back here you get two USBs one's a USB-C one's a regular USB and then another 110 volt 400 watt plug-in and a 12 volt powerpoint back here side curtain airbags on this truck to get these seats down just pull this little strap they come down like so child safety locks on the back doors and the bottoms of the doors are absolutely perfect we'll hop in start it up check out that camera and then we'll go under the hood starts right up no check engine lights or anything like that there is your backup camera right there and you can even zoom in on the receiver hitch to get hooked up to your boat camper or trailer the first time every time I would personally like to thank you for checking out the video today and hopefully from this HD video you will have been able to tell just how clean this truck is all the way around inside and out under the hood we have the 6.7 liter power stroke diesel engine bay is very clean runs very smooth once again this truck has been fully safe and inspected by our service shop has a fresh oil and filter change all the fluids have been checked and topped off it has four brand new tires there's your mission sticker and this one is 100% ready to go I don't think you could find a cleaner one than this one and to see more pictures of this 2021 Ford F350 crew cab short box and the go to that website right there www.summitauto.com full pictures and descriptions of every single vehicle from two locations all at summit auto.com and if you'd like to check out more HD videos you can go to youtube.com slash summit auto remember to like subscribe and share on this video and all the videos that you see there click the bell notifications you'll get updates every day we do videos here at summit auto in fact in a second you will see link to subscribe to our youtube channel the upper left links more F350 videos like this one the upper right link to this vehicle on our website in the lower left and a link to one of our latest YouTube videos in the lower right click those check us out and we're super excited to help you with this ultra clean like new 2021 Ford F350 crew cab short box XLT and thanks again for checking out the video


Boom, what's up everyone? Welcome to simulation. I'm your host Alan Sackian We are still at Kofa as the Congress on the future of engineering software for our second annual partnership with them We are now sitting down with Christian Thompson. Hello. Hey, pleasure to meet you Yeah, thanks for coming on to the show really appreciate it very excited to talk to you all the way from Denmark originally yep, and now lives in New York working on Entipology and topology. He's doing software engineering physics and optimization there Entipology is doing really cool work in engineering software for advanced manufacturing. We're gonna be breaking that down At technical University of Denmark Christian did a master of science in engineering design and applied mechanics and was also doing research assisting there So Christian, let's start things off with this with this Perspective on your journey. So how did you get interested in engineering and in design and software? How did you get interested in these fields? Yeah, so I've always you know been interested in in how things work and how you know We can describe Physical phenomena with with models and have been curious about how yet technology works And so I think it's it's natural to go into into engineering that I think that was in my night You know the most natural thing for me to do and so I have so after high school, you know, I went directly into the technical inversion of Denmark where I Decided to I was I wasn't quite sure whether or not I wanted to go with math or with Mechanical engineering, but ultimately I decided to go with mechanical because it also had some, you know, physical aspects to it So, you know, you model real life things and you know, I Saw that as being, you know, the way I could provide most value create more, you know, the biggest difference and so I Like to you know see, you know, abstraction is a good thing But I also like to you know, see that it actually, you know, the things I'm working on actually has an impact on You know the things that The work that you do has an impact on the on the industry and you know and so so after After I started at university, I still wasn't Sure, you know, whether or not I wanted to go with the traditional route or or I wanted to do more math Or I wanted to do optimization But after some time, you know, I was really inspired by you know The way you you know, how how we with compensation with we are able to set up models which Allow us to you know use computers to actually drive design. So take the manual take the manual Steps of a design process away and let the computer do the work because you know technology is evolving so fast And there's definitely an opportunity here For us to use that to our advantage and I think that's really what what got me interested in optimization in general and also, you know in order to make it it usable, you know and put it in into a real product and and have Solve real, you know solved real problems, you know, you also need to you know, it needs to be Available in you know in a cat system or in this, you know, you know In a in an engineering software way, so that I think this combination was really what sparked my you know interest for for Computer, you know software and you know simulation-driven design. Yeah, and all these things. Yeah Yeah, looking looking back at at you First picking up your interest based on your desire to understand how things work Yes This is a very frequent thing that we hear from the engineers and the designers and all and even just you know The sensational curiosity from young people is that if you have that and you can't ever quench it You you're always so excited to learn you'll go very far in life You've got to keep learning and keep understanding how things work And then if you really get to the level that you did which you also got into the mechanical engineering side of things the mathematical side of Things the computational side of things. That's when you can also Do things like you're like you're doing now with optimization exactly It's interesting to think about this and I'm interested to hear your perspective about it Which you know I'm sure we'll dig into this in a little bit later But having the computational power that's now developed over the last like really 70 years up until the peak that it's at now to to leverage that to be able to take away all of our mistakes that we make also to Be able to run all the permutations much faster than humans can to figure out which one is the most Optimal functional fit. Yeah, that's it's amazing to to see, you know, how much potential there is in Utilizing the computer to figure out, you know, how should we navigate this huge design space? Additive manufacturing is really has really, you know Advanced tremendously over the past years and now all of a sudden, you know We have this design freedom which we didn't have before and this is really rare Optimization and these computer aided technologies shine because now we have much more design freedom and puts it It gives the engineer so many more options to options to, you know More creative freedom, but it also comes with, you know a greater Responsibility in terms of knowledge and decision-making and so that is where I think, you know Using computer aided, you know Technology, you know using these advanced, you know mathematical models can really help the engineers and ultimately be able to deliver a product Take the product from initially initial phases all the way to, you know production ready In a much shorter time frame Yeah, yeah, and then now when you're when you're doing this this You're you this this optimization and you're you know, you're studying you're in your fit And you're figuring out where you want to go. How do you figure out that, you know, New York and Entomology and Optimization helping them out with that. How did you how did that transition end up happening for you? Yes, so during the the My final year as a graduate student. I was working on developing these Optimization algorithms, you know in more and a more academic sense academic sense and so but I've always, you know had this You know this desire to go out and solve real-life problems and I I think that is really what kept me, you know Interested kept my eye open and search for opportunities in the industry and so after I graduated I worked some time as a research assistant where I was writing a paper and doing some research and so that is where I You know Bradley, which is the CEO of Entomology He reached out to the research group and that's is where you know, I saw my opportunity And so I got in touch with Brad and two days after I contacted him, you know I was in New York and so it was you know an amazing experience and you know and I was you know very you know much fascinated by by by the tools that they've already developed But I could also see a potential for developing more sophisticated up to myself station algorithm using the The knowledge that I had acquired in degrees in my time as you know doing research And so I think that was really what got me, you know yet what transitioned me from from academia to to Entomology and I seriously considered doing a PhD, but it is ultimately decided to go with Entomology and it's funny because the stuff we are doing now is actually The bleeding working on breeding edge technology and actually developing new methods. So It's more, you know, almost like a PhD, but not just in the industry in industry You're actually and you're actually getting paid for it Exactly, you're all what you're working on is becoming immediately available to translating to industry This is this is what the whole we have so much conversation about what the optimal way to incentivize sciences and a lot of times It's not the PhD. Exactly. Yeah, yeah Okay Now teach us about the difference between the optimization algorithms that you were working on and then what Entomology was had already done with their optimization and then how you're you know, how that's coming together now. Yes So what they've done before my arrival at Entomology was lattice-based optimization so they could do optimization of of these, you know, lattice structure. So they have a a a I would say they have a great amount of tools Available to generate lattice structures and they also had some tools to simulate them and and also do the optimization But and lattice structures are mostly like material science Wise or whatever You can consider them on multiple levels. So what you can do is you can use various homogenization methods to actually consider them as materials And that is something I'm working on now actually But what they did beforehand was just considering it as a lattice structure So they when they model them they actually just look them as beam elements in similar way as you know conventional mechanical engineering Engineers model, let's say trust structure shall crane structures and so on. Yeah. Yeah, and so that by instead of considering, you know that you know use only considering the lattices as beam elements that you know puts a restriction on you know the the the Scale by which you you know you can let's if you if you had a structure of let's say a hundred million beam elements Then you wouldn't be able to to to model that with with those techniques in a very efficient way So we looked into okay, how do we make? How do we make a Is there a technology out there which allows you to simulate them much more efficiently and also allow you to simulate more general Material structure, so let's say gyro structures honeycomb structures these autotropic or these foam foams and and so in order to Simulate those you know you have to look to other methods and that's actually some of the stuff. I'm working on now But so that was one thing and another thing was we've also been doing Again, we try to develop a whole range of different generative Design process or Generative tools to allow the engineer to you know to to design parts and so all the optimization is another thing that we've been looking into so you know many companies do it out there and We recognize that you know We are not the company which goes out there and blows all composition away because yeah, that is not our purpose We more see to ball the optimization, you know as a part of the In part of it's a tool in the toolbox. So to say and it's not an entrant solution Yes, so we have that functionality, but it hasn't been you know our main focus and I've also been working on developing that You're really conquering a niche as the best aiming to be the best tool on the tool belt in that niche And you're not the whole tool belt as some people are trying to be just a little bit So so so what we are trying to do essentially so we are right now what we are working on at entomology is an engineering platform where we enable engineering workflows and engineering process try to capture engineering processes in Just in one framework all the way from Early design phases using generative design tools through simulation So we can also you know perform actually perform simulation and validate the performance of the structures To manufacturing so actually exporting them. So we are trying to develop develop right now We're trying to develop this this framework where we can capture the entire engineering process in one Unified system and ultimately, you know the the whole you know idea behind this is if you look at you know conventional ways The way people do design nowadays, you know, we have the workflow is so disjointed You know you do cat in maybe solid works and then when you want to do analysis You have to bring into answers or abacus and when you've done the simulation there Maybe you figure out I need to do some changes in in back in my cat model And so all these times you have to navigate or transmit information from one system to another And it's really a tedious process where manual labor where the engineer He uses a lot of you know valuable time He wasted waste a lot of valuable time Which he instead could have been used on actually real engineering work correct And so that is really what we are trying to do try to you know get rid of all this, you know Not this yeah This you know try to to to get rid of all this unnecessary work and try to automate You know these tedious tasks as much as possible By combining all the steps, you know into one unified system and then the One the main one that you just talked about a moment ago was the The cat with the simulation software Yes, so that when you want to make a tweak in the simulation software You don't have to go and make the tweak back in the cat and then re-imported the simulation How how are you then merging those two? So the way we do that is in terms of What we use is we use fields. So you can consider Anything in terms of fields. So What we have in entomology we have a unit or one of the special things about entomology is that we have an Implicit geometry kernel to represent geometry. So it's not the conventional way of represented geometry where you have boundary representations, but instead we what we do is we use math to represent geometry and what that really allows us to do is to Very you know to so that is essentially you represent geometry in terms of a field And also if you look at simulation data, you can also consider that as fields And so by having Almost this unified language as you know just one field we can very easily cover these different, you know steps of the engineering design process into Into an automated workflow and get rid of all the the Irrelate all the the very tedious tasks correct enable maximal creative engineering time. Exactly. So so what how do you? Label a you said it's a it's a geometry Kernel. Yes, that is it's so you're so like a geometry You would give numbers to and that would be and then when I would tweak that geometry the math the numbers would change Yes, so actually one way you could think of it is let's say you have a sphere So if you want to represent that in our geometry kernel The way you would do it is you would represent it in terms of you know the equation for a sphere So we did x squared plus y squared plus z squared Minus the radius and that essentially defines the the sphere and what this really also allows us to is store objects in a very lightweight format and And that is also you know brings us to maybe one of the other very interesting things about you know what we can do and that is generate Huge, you know huge lattice structures or these periodic structures in a very lightweight form lightweight formats So for example, you know in our system, we'd be able to generate lattice structures of Hundreds of hundreds of millions of beams and be able to load them almost instantaneously. That's really interesting. Yes And so I think that's really, you know one of the strong points of Our system and this implicit geometry kernel and it's orders of magnitude faster than you know what you can do elsewhere So it's yeah, yeah interesting and it's so it's So due due to the light weight Of your tech but the light weight of your tech is due to the geometry kernel Which then just is assigning the the x squared plus y squared plus z squared minus the radius Yes for us here for a sphere you're giving a value to the x the y and the z and the r Yes, and the final and the final answer. Yes, and you're giving and that that those five Numbers and the final this this final this this way of storing it. Yeah. Yeah, it gives you a whole sphere Yes, and that way you can load that And it'll give you the whole sphere in the and that's why when you make the change to it It'll change it mathematically. Exactly. Yeah, okay, okay, and it also has a number of other benefits. So for example, you know Traditional, you know in traditional caps, you know some typical operations are you know if you wanted to do Booleans or you wanted to let's say you have a box here and you have a lattice sitting combined with with the with the Your structure it could be let's say you have a sandwich structure So you have a solid plate and you have a lattice and you have a solid plate You could use that to maybe to make a very lightweight part. Okay And so for those cases, you know if you if you used conventional cat systems And you wanted to have a continuous blend between the lattice and the solid Then you would manually have to go in and click on each of the Each of the different beams the connection points between them and you can imagine if you have a solid Or if you have a lattice comprised of 100 000 beams that quickly becomes an impossible task You wouldn't be able to do but you can make a script right for that process. Yeah, but the thing is that with implicit With this implicit geometry kernel what we can actually do is we can do that It's it's it's natural to the system. So we can do by we can do the blending with on the underlying math So what what this means is that we can blend In a matter you don't have to do anything you just have to you know, the blending is defined in It's done on the math equations And so what this means is that you can do a blend which never fails and it's done fully automatically And so this really gives you again, you know, it removes the tedious, you know parts of the design process You don't have to write a script or you don't have to manually click on all the buttons And this really also means that you can you know in your design process you can quickly iterate through So let's say you figure out. I need to make it that is just a little bit bigger or a little bit wider Everything is done in an automated fashion. And so you don't have to go through that, you know, it just works And I think that is you know, one of the you know the powerful aspects of of the geometry panel And then your optimization that you were doing and then are bringing to anthropology is optimization within this geometry kernel Yes, that's correct. And so it is part so partly it is just conventional topology optimization as you see out there but we are also looking into Optimization using these These cellular materials. So for example, you we can talk about gyroid structures or or we can talk about lattice structures Or honeycombs of these various foams and such materials I've actually shown to have excellent performance Um They can provide material You know, if you zoom out sufficiently you can actually consider them as materials. So if you have enough of these Period this periodic assembly of gyroge, you can actually consider them as materials And what this means is that by going in and locally changing how the microstructure of these these cellular materials You are changing the the microstructure of these cellular materials You can actually locally change how they respond their material macroscopic material properties And what this allows us to do is actually tab into material regions which we Haven't been able to before so for example, we can make materials which are extremely lightweight with very high strength to rate ratio materials which isolate Have a very good isolation properties materials which Dampen the energy in a very efficient can absorb energy in a very efficient way. And so Obviously, you know these using these materials in mechanical engineering design is obviously, you know very It has a huge potential. And so what we're working on now is figuring out how can we Do optimization using these material structures? and so yeah, that's some of the stuff that we are working on now And you know the thing is with these materials that is that Compared to conventional materials, you just have okay, you have a finite number of materials that you can pick from But the thing is with these materials is that you have so many more so much more option Because now you can also go in and locally change maybe how thick should the beams be? What orientation should they be? How big should the cell size be? And so figuring that out is not trivial And so what we are working on now is trying to figure out ways in which we can guide the engineer through the The process of of designing with these and building out workflows which enable an engineer to do so. This is so cool Okay, all right. So how do you um Guide the engineer through The through the the process you gave the examples of okay used to be just different materials Then it became well now you can go You can kind of double click and go in and see all of the connection points between those two plates and the lattice in between So so how do you guide the engineer to then to see for themselves that? Oh, wow That's an interesting way that anthropology is guiding me to learn that I can make this more Functionable in the desire that I wanted to be so there are many different ways in which you can do this and one way would be to actually use The same methods as as we use for travalry optimization So automated optimization procedures to figure out how the distribution of of these Micro or the cellular material should be and so that would probably be the you know the most you know General the fastest way of doing are you constantly running the optimization of the cellular materials? In the in the you're constantly running the simulation in the background and then saying this would be more optimal Yes, so it is run in the exact same way as you you know run conventional optimization processes And so the way this works is that you set up your design space you say, okay This is my design region here. I have some here. I fix it here I fix it then I apply some external loads and then I say it must meet certain requirements So for example The stress must not exceed a certain value in this region or the displacement might not be Greater than some value in this region and you say it must also be lightweight and Yeah, you set up these various constraints to the optimization problem and essentially The once you have set up the optimization problem And defined, you know the overall constraints and objective. Yes, then the underlying Are all inputs into your exactly So this would be the user which sets up and defines the problem and the optimization algorithm then Figures out how the cellular Material structure should be interesting should be interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So there's not There's there's not even a chance for then An error really you're you're rolling with you're simulating out all of the possibilities and giving the best The thing is the thing is that if an engineer were to you know He has the engineer has so many different parameters that he can you know He can play with and it can really you know, it's really an overwhelming You know, it can really be an overwhelming, you know Experience because yeah, there are so many different parameters that you can you you can Control and so what we are trying to do is set up Workflows which enable engineers to to to actually Guide the engineer through the you know, this vast design space And really allow the engineers to fully utilize the potential that these materials have Because they can also be used in a you know, if you if you don't select your Your you know design the cellular material or the cellular structure probably Then It's not going to be bad. It's absolutely not going to be better than what you can do with conventional design methods So you really you know, there is a higher higher knowledge requirement using by designing with these cellular materials, but There's also a greater potential and what we are trying to do is just enabling engineers to actually tab into this this Yeah, yeah, yeah Increased potential. That's right. Yeah, and this is so cool. It it There's both the the the the lattice this this the cellular Distribution Matrix, yeah, it's a cellular matrix That can look like a lattice or a honeycomb. Exactly, okay Or gyro structures gyro structures So cellular matrix so which is that's where you see yeah the angles of the different beams that you're talking about and then that Being able to help with that process and have the engineers say, okay, I see why that's optimal It's going to have like we asked for all these variables. That's it's it's great. And then can you give us the Examples that you find most Relatable for that you gave a crane as as an example of where there's all those beams Yes, right. So cranes one of them then what are other examples where this can be like applicably understood so examples where you know I would say Any, you know, if you want to make something, you know, very lightweight, but also very, you know highly performative It makes sense to do this so it could be, you know structures Which have, you know Very high requirements in terms of weight saving. So for example in the automotive industry or in in the aerospace industry Yeah, and so I think those and those two industries would definitely be, you know solid Okay, let me see if I can get this right then so then the the cellular matrix in the automotive and the aerospace industries You don't want extra beams that are unnecessary. Yes You you can remove if you can remove beams In position them in in more solid ways to be able to hold Um to hold it together and have equal performance. Yes, you want that because it weighs less exactly So we want to optimally use the amount of it, you know We want to only make use of the material that we actually need and so we can use these optimization algorithms to figure out how How that is, you know, it should be done fascinating. Yeah, and so they also actually also use it quite a lot in the medical industry So, you know, these cellular materials, it's partly to do to you know So they use it in the medical industry for implants. So They can actually let's if you want you need your hip replaced or something like that What they do is you can have a customly made 3d printed, you know Hibbon plant inserted into your body and what you want is of course it has to be lightweight and that is really where the cellular materials You know make sense And and another thing is, you know, it also has to you know fit into your body and And and with these, you know cellular or these cellular structures, the bone can actually grow into the Yeah, yeah grow into the Into into the 3d printed cellular structure rather than read body reject it. Exactly Exactly you want waste for the body to actually incorporate it into exactly. Yep. Yeah. And so I think, you know Really, there is, you know, so many great Opportunities to to adopt this technology and I think, you know, the reason why we haven't seen it before now is because because Additive manufacturing has really evolved a lot over the past years. And so this Wouldn't really have been possible if you just go back 10 or 15 years Yeah, because you would need to Take and the the the piece of of raw material you have and try and actually carve out what And you can imagine how that would have been if it was just if you had an simply of Or you had a structure comprised of Just even 1,000 beams wouldn't even be possible. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think now with additive It's it's you can you can you can make the tweak. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.  Yes, that's correct. That's correct. And the other popular forms Um additive. Yeah um So I'm not so much into I wonder what I wonder what else are like the other popular Additive manufacturing forms Yes, I mean 3d printing And then I don't know maybe something related to biology. It could potentially be like an Form of like an additive. Yep. Yep. Exactly. Potentially like cell division type stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah And so I think um You know We are in an interesting time right now because you know If you go back 20 years, it was manufacturing. That was the, you know, the limiting factor of The, you know, the evolution of technology, you know, cat software, you know, was on the forefront Whereas now over the past 10 years, we have seen that that the That the You know, the manufacturing scene has evolved much faster than the cat software. Interesting. And so now we are in a unique position where, you know We are actually lacking behind and that is also why I think it's so interesting to work at entomology because now we have a unique opportunity to actually, you know Enable design, you know, we have such great, you know opportunity We the design space is almost unlimited now. And you know, now we have the opportunity to develop tools Which actually enable engineer to to to have into this. Yes. Yes Christian a couple questions On the way out. One of the questions is, you know, we're here at cofaz and there's so much Cutting edge engineering software, including yours. Where do you see this all converging and going? Oh, that is a great question. Um, I think over the next Couple of years, you know, we'll definitely see improvement in, you know, the the technology So top all the optimization and, you know, just generative design tools, you know, those will definitely evolve because those are still, you know They they are not into insolutions now and they still I would say they're still in their infancy And so I think over the next years, we'll see, you know, we You'll see, you know, with, you know, the increasing, you know Yeah, the compute power is just Growing exponentially right now and obviously that helps a lot But I also think, you know, we'll see more methods development in these generative design approaches or strategies and I think that will, you know Move the technology to a stage where it's also easier for for Less experienced people to, you know, to get into the the industry and I think, you know That is probably also the biggest barrier of entry right now, you know, that you still need, you know Some level of, you know, technical understanding to actually be able to operate and make sense of these tools So I think, you know, over the next maybe 10 years, you know, we'll see a larger adoption due to Advancement in the underlying technology and the compute power Yeah, yeah, the democratization is fascinating getting it into the hands of younger and younger people Exactly now Last question is What would you say is an important or maybe even the most important skill For kids and for even adults to learn going into this exponential technology age So I think obviously have being curious is it's very important, I think Um, but even more so, I would say now in terms, you know, if it's just a technical skill I would say programming it it's really amazing to see, you know, how much Being learning this skill from a young age, how much it can do for you because, you know, you can Essentially solve all problems with with programming and then you can later on in in your, you know In your life, you know pick up on, you know, the more advanced skills such as, you know, these Yeah, mathematical skills and understanding the physics, but I would say even from a young age Just getting started on programming is probably You know, the best advice I can give, you know It's it's it's such a powerful tool and you can really solve so many problems with it and Pretty much all the systems that we see today, you know Have some form of programming, you know involved So I think having that skill or learning that skill from a young age would You know it Yeah, that's probably the best advice I can give. Yeah, that's great curiosity programming powerful too. Yeah, definitely Christian, thank you so much for coming out to the show. This has been a pleasure. Yeah, it's been a huge pleasure Yeah, and this is like, you know, the way you've taught us about about what you're working on with optimization and What what anthropology is doing is is is really beautiful. It's it's really well You did a great job explaining it and we greatly appreciate everyone for tuning in huge. Thank you We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Check out christians links and topologies links below Also, check out co-fes is links below as well Support the artists and entrepreneurs that you believe in our links are below simulations links are below get more conversations Thought-provoking conversations about things like what we talked about into our communities Inspire the next generation of people to build the future manifest your dreams into the world We love you so much. 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