Hello, and welcome to the San Jose State University I-School's LIS Careers podcast. My name is Kim Doherty, and as the I-School LIS Career Specialist, I'm delighted to welcome an I-School alumni, Ryan Gann, to our podcast series. Ryan is the Systems Librarian and Assistant Professor at El Camino College in Torrance, California. He loves his job, but he's had an extremely interesting career journey before landing at El Camino College, and so I've asked him to join us today to tell you about that journey.  Ryan is here to tell you that there are many career paths that you can take. Yes. He's done that, so as he's moved from one type of library to another throughout his career, he's made some really interesting decisions. So with that, I'm going to welcome Ryan and ask him my first question. So Ryan, you've had a really wonderfully diverse career. Can you tell us about how you've navigated your career and how you've managed to make those transitions? Well, thank you, Kim. Yes. So, yeah, I'll start tracing my career when I started at iSchool in San Jose State. So while I was going to school, and it was so great that it was an online program because it allowed me, I was a part-time library clerk, and I was just like, you know, how am I going to, I want to proceed in the profession, like how do I get further into becoming a librarian? And I was like, oh, you know, San Jose State was there. And I was like, oh, I could take these classes and still work so I could have practical library experience, and then I could work towards MILS. So as I worked, I was a part-time library clerk, then started naturally unfolding. I would say, hey, I'm in library school. I'm applying for this part-time library assistant position. And then, you know, I went into that role. And then I finally became a full-time library assistant. And then once I finished the degree, then there was another position open, which was the young adult teen librarian. And then once I graduated, I applied for that job and became the librarian there. And so all the while I would reiterate I'm in library school. This is what my coursework plays out to the position. And that kind of gave me, I think, a lot of edge over as I was moving up that in my workplace at Orange Public Library. And as you were going through your coursework, one of the things that you had mentioned when you and I were talking before was that one of the things that it sort of informed for you was why you were pursuing this degree, why you wanted to work in a library. And that why can be extremely compelling when you are, for example, interviewing for a job. It sort of is what makes the difference between, yeah, I want to be a librarian and so I'm applying for this job. And here's why I want this job. Here's what I want to be able to do for our patrons. So could you talk about how you incorporated that into your cover letters and interview preparation a little bit? Yeah. So a lot of the kind of the theory that I would learn in high school, like that not only does that provide like a foundation for it provided also like I think of Rangannathans laws, like we always go back to that.  But it but those really are a way to simplify complex tasks. So I would ask like those why is that would come out in my class coursework. And I said, oh, yeah, that's a theoretical foundation of how I could write my cover letters, my interview preparation. The job descriptions, which would have very specific, specific requirements. It allowed me to compose my cover letters, answer those questions, but also under this umbrella of why, you know, why do I want to pursue this work? And that would drive that for for teens. You know, I thought about one of the classes that it allows them to build like a psychic internal architecture, you know, by able by reading, you know, this literature allows them to to deal with real world situations and provide those examples for them, even though if they had not experienced that. So especially when I was talking about teen literature, maybe because that was kind of a big renaissance, too. Like we had Hunger Games, you know, Twilight was there. It was really exciting time.  I liked I liked putting on teen programming and providing for teens that did not have a lot, you know, they don't they don't have jobs. They don't have a lot of spending money. It was really nice to be also there as as like an adult figure for them just to hang out and talk, you know, because I like this. I'm really proud of this. Like I had little to no disciplinary problems with teens in my area. It may be like, hey, you know, you stayed here too long, but they never they as long as I was really open with them, they were really open with me. That's interesting because I've talked to a number of people who say one of the reasons they love being teen librarians is because if you are authentic and respectful to them, they will give you the same back because they so value an adult caring about them in that way and treating them that way. Sounds like you experience the same thing. Yeah, I really loved that about the about being a teen librarian. And plus we had very I could present very innovative programming. It was it's very new still, in my opinion. So I could come up with programming. A lot of the other teen librarians were very open minded in my area in Orange County and Los Angeles. So we'd exchange a lot of ideas, program ideas. I remember when the the the economic collapse happened in 2008. You know, we were still trying dedicated dedicated to our teens. So we presented ones like teen programming on a shoestring. And I was like inexpensive programs that we could propose to our administration and still have quality teen programming for for our teens. And so, you know, we really buckled down and and tried to do that. So that would have been a great way to approach that. And and you're making a point that is always amazing to me about being in the LIS profession, which is the collaborative way all librarians support each other. So it doesn't make any difference if you're a librarian in Wichita, Kansas or Cleveland, Ohio or Torrance, California. Everybody who has useful information to share wants to get it out and support every other person in the profession. Yeah, I really love that. Like we all we all can. It's not it's OK to reach out to someone and and just ask, hey, what are you doing? I've done that countless of times from people and for people. And it just feels really great that we're the LIS profession is is almost is pretty unique, I think, in that respect for some. You know, I think you're right. I think it is unique because I've worked in the LIS world and I've also worked for nonprofits and I've worked in a for-profit, a number of for-profit environments. And I remember having a conversation with a CEO of a company that I was working for and we were creating an LIS or an information based product. And I eventually left the organization because I come from the library world and we give information away. We don't try to profit off. Yeah, we share it to help everybody. And it's a mindset that I think to your point is really unique to our profession. But it's also one of the reasons why this profession is so incredibly wonderful to work with them. So all right, you were a teen librarian for how long? I was a teen librarian, I believe, for let's say 2006 to about nine years. I was yeah, a long time and it was and it was good. It was good. You know, I'm I'm probably more than other people. It might have been because of the economic downturn, but now I'm I'm in a different place. Yeah, so I was at nine years and then I was called up to to become a branch manager. And so I became a branch manager and that and those teen library again, it's good while you're I know it might be for you and I school out there like you're finishing your master's, but it's always good to kind of maybe take stock of your skills and maybe your desires. Then that would inform me of the next move. So even though I got called up, it was nice to think of like, oh, my teen library experience is really valuable here as a branch manager because I'm used to doing things on my own to creating a lot of programming. Three, I had to, you know, kind of just do things on my own for a lot. And so that those those skills that I used as a teen librarian, I took stock of like, oh, OK, what have I learned that will allow me to do this job and what do I need to know? And and when you were tapped to be a branch manager, did you have moments of thinking I'm not ready for this or I can't do this or I don't know what I need to know or any hesitation? Or did you look at it as this is a great stretch for me? Yeah, I think before there was an opportunity to do that before. I had I think my teens hadn't it hadn't I really liked that generation of teens. And I wanted I felt that if I had moved before it would have I wouldn't be able to see the full cycle of like how they grew. And so I just needed to see that. Those are some things that I'm not I don't regret not moving on earlier, which is maybe about two or three years earlier. OK, because I needed to see that current group and kind of do the whole cycle with them, see that generation. So when I did move, I was like, OK, yes, I remember I had turned it down before, but now I am ready. So that's OK. Like there was there was a lot I needed to know to be a branch manager. And I think with any first time managerial experience there, it's a rocky. It's a rocky and it's a lot of anxiety, you know.  And that's OK. That that goes with everyone, I believe. That that is a really good point because I think a lot of people who are working in libraries look at at the branch manager job or being a director and think, oh, my gosh, I could never do that. I don't know the stuff that you need to know to be able to do that. But the reality is you kind of learn it on the job. And if you're paying attention when you make mistakes, you just figure out what went wrong. Learn what you can learn from it and try to get better. Yeah, yeah, I think that.  So I think I say yes, but I agree with you. Yeah, yeah, I mean, let's just to be candid for a moment. So so go ahead and start planning for that while you're in your introductory librarian job. Like, how can I move and make my workplace a better place for myself to carve out my own niche? Right. So right. And I think, you know, part of when you're just starting out, part of what you can be doing is observing other managers, either a supervisor or a small branch manager or a large branch manager, observing how other people manage and then the results of that management style or the way they make decisions or how they treat people. I think you can learn an awful lot by watching how others do or don't manage well. Yeah, that's true. That's true. And also you're there's going to be opportunities and it's always hard because you're thinking like, oh, how can I get more money? How can I get a title? But there's a lot of things that you can take on projects.  Yeah, right away. But it will get you ready.  And what you should have the experience before that. So when it does pop up, you're ready and you can apply for it. So I think that's a great way to frame that, right? And because one of the things when I do career workshops and stuff like that, one of the things I'm telling students is consider ways to put yourself in the path of opportunity and part of that is volunteering just for the experience, just to learn what it takes to do X, Y, Z, to build relationships with the people that you volunteer with. You you're doing all of these things throughout your early career and you have no idea how or if or when it will pay off. But then to your point, it pays off when the opportunity opens up and you're ready for it. That is very true. I'm glad you're you're presenting that. That's yeah, I think that's what the students need to know and plan for, you know. So I'm a branch manager for about three years. And then but during this time, I'm kind of learning, I'm doing story time. I'm putting on programs. I'm doing very planning for getting performers to come in. I'm working on trying to find out what management style works for me, what to do. Again, I stress what not to do, you know, and also there came where I was finding that I had certain skills that were valuable to the organization that or that I like to do. So and what work can you give us some examples of those? Yeah. Yeah. So one one point was I had internet down at my branch for about three days. And then I found a work around because of we had to have the catalogs working.  It was just kind of like maybe switching routers. And but I did that and then we were able to have some sort of like internet service. And then finally, I T and the main branch circled back to me. And then we were able to get an institute. And then I wrote a procedure on what to do when this happens again. So that was your I think for advice for you students, once you get your job, your first entry level job, you might see certain things that you like to do, some things you don't like to do. But the things that you like to do might tell you where you might be when you're trying to make your next moves in your career. And I and I know that in the library world, people like to stay in the same place. But when I was able to move, it was nice to to move. I'd like, you know, I felt ready. Another experience was when I would muck around. I had to do a whole branch wide reading project. So I learned how to do the ILS. I was like, OK, I'm going to generate statistical statistical reports to find out, you know, what items are being checked out. Perhaps this will be great because I'll have more information. I could pull the volumes that don't work as well and then find out what do. And and so that was a great way of like to simplify my job because I had to do it because I wasn't. I was the only librarian there at at my branch. And then but this also allowed me like, oh, I'm I'm pretty handy with learning integrated library software. Oh, like, what else can I do with this? And so I would run reports. I'd get into like learning the learning the the software. It got out that I could do it. So I trained some other staff on how to do it. And then sometimes they didn't. And also it seemed like that not everyone was able to do the reports. They actually just came back to me like we're just going to ask for. And then I was like, oh, wow, I have like a very specific skill that not a lot of people can do. And that gave me that gave me some are like, oh, wow, that's interesting. Yeah, well, and that word gets out. I just, yeah, everybody keeps coming back to Ryan for that. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh, can you do this? I was like, OK, I'll do the report. And then I remember that what my old I was a community college transfer student and my old Alma Mater Cypress College had an adjunct opening, a part time opening. And I was like, you know what, I think it'd be kind of cool just to work there, kind of see how the campus has changed and and give that a go. So that was kind of a lark just to kind of see what it was like. I didn't I didn't really think of it as a career change at the time. It was just purely to see I'd make some extra money. I'd see my old campus and wow, what a kick that would be. Like, you know, and just do that. So that was another start. So. So you're working full time as a branch manager and then you were working at Cypress College. What's interesting to me about that is I can see how that would be doable because at Cypress College, you weren't having to be in a management role. Yeah, yeah, it was also nice. Yeah, they they also had different hours. So I could go I could go there before I started my shift at at my full time job. I could also work that worked at nights if I wanted to. So their hours were more than what we had. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Cool. All right. So then you were working full time as branch manager and part time at Cypress College. Then what happened and and when when it happened, what were you thinking? What was your your thinking behind making the change? Oh, OK. So what ended up happening is my my time at Cypress College ended, made some good contacts. I made a Billy Pashai over there was a great mentor for me. Time pass. And then I noticed that there was a community college next to me that lived just down to my house. And I was like, you know what? Like since I'm not working at Cypress College, I'll apply over at I'll come, you know, there was some time that lagged in between. So but I just put in like a job notification on their website. And then so when a position opened up, then it emailed me and said, hey, you know, you can apply for this. So I had that part time experience at Cypress College, El Camino College, which was just down the street from my house. They they opened. I think I had moved I had moved next to El Camino College. And then I said, oh, hey, I can apply there. And so the job opened up. I applied and they accepted me. And then so I worked there and I was like, oh, this is kind of fun. So we were doing that on a part time basis. Yeah, yeah, while still working full time. OK. And then what ended up happening was based off of that, I applied to other positions because I was able to get training at my part time positions because they have a lot of professional development classes at at at community colleges. And I started to see some more of the inner culture. And it kind of created the shifting of like, oh, wow, I find that really interesting what they're doing. I've been in the public library sphere for about, you know, about 15 years, you know, and I was like, wow, this is kind of that's interesting to me. It's keeping. It's really fresh. And then I applied to other positions. I got them. They weren't for me, but it's it gave me confidence. That's saying, oh, I'm applying for different positions that are out of my skill set and I'm getting offers. So when time came for El Camino College, they had a systems librarian position and I thought, oh, wow, that sounds really interesting to me and something that I would really like to try for. And this is interesting because you had never been a systems librarian in the public libraries that you worked for. You just looked at this and thought, I think I can do that. Yeah, yeah. And I think that being in a managed position gave me that confidence. But also, and I want to get to this point, there's a great book by Rachel Singer Gordon. It's been some years since it came out, but it talks about the accidental systems librarian. I have that book actually on my bookshelf. I'm so glad you mentioned that. And I still think that goes for today. Like, like tech librarianship is very new. And I think you don't need to be have taken all of these classes and done X. Like you you need to just go for it and see what happens because I remember and I think I can speak to that is like when my position, they had to reopen it because there weren't very many other people that applied for it as well. So if you thinking about the students who are in the program now, if they not if they don't necessarily want to become a systems librarian as their first job, but this is something that they think they might be interested in down the road a bit. What should they be taking in the program? What kind of courses? Yeah, so I think taking I really enjoyed having like all the programming classes that I took. So, you know, take my SQL class, take an XML class. Even, you know, take online searching, you know, if they have that I really like that class. But I take those classes. There's also, I believe in ILS, like an interlabor integrated library systems class that's taught for about a unit. Take a practicum, you know, that that might have technical work that you can do. So, yeah, programming classes are really great. You know, that's a really great preparation for that because I not even though that you might not be taking the same language or just having that general programming idea on what programmers, you know, library programs do in that type of program, like computer programs do, will give you a great foundation to move forward because, yeah. That's great because if nothing else, it gives you sort of a conceptual framework. Yes, you can apply over and over again. That is very true. That, yeah. And I have in my notes, Ryan, that you also took as part of prepping for the systems librarian job or applying for it. You took a class in the Canvas online course teaching certification. Is that part of your work? Yeah, yeah. So, so what I did was I was a part time librarian. They they had like, oh, we have these professional development classes. And I said, hey, is there any openings for the online teaching certification class? Ah, and then they said, oh, yeah, we do have an opening. All the full time staff have like kind of, you know, have taken it. I mean, they have passed, you know, or the full time staff that has been full, now we can open up to part timers. And I said, yeah, I would really love to do that. And so that was part of the things like saying yes to something, which was not something that was a had monetary thing right away. But it was like a piece that I could use to for that go. Why do I want to take this? Oh, this will give me a skill in a certification and a learning management software. Probably will need to know this. And and so I took it and I learned a lot and it was great just to learn. But now in my position now, we're working on how to integrate library apps into Canvas. And so my online teaching certification class, that's another piece where you do something first, you might not come to it like right away, but it will be invaluable from that ends. So like, yeah, so I took a class and it's the Information Technology Tools and Applications Coursework in iSchool. So there was an XML class, P-H-E-P Bicycle. That's another one with Professor Perry. Yeah, yeah. So it's good to take those. And I think it's important to hear that because if I were a student going through a degree program now, I might hesitate to take the technology courses on the assumption that by the time I was in a position to apply them, that technology learning that I had had would be out of date. But you make a really good point, which is the specifics might be out of date. But the concepts and the framework and the structural approaches are what you need and what will carry over. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even though I took the PHP class, how long ago is that? That was like 13, almost 13 years ago. It's still getting taught. I still use it, you know, XML. I was just working on XM. I took it like 15 years ago. We're still using that today. I did that for this library software migration project that I've been in the midst of for and I was teaching some of the IT people like that their code was that needed some tweaking.  So, yes, those concepts like take those class, they are not going to be updated. The conceptual framework that you learn will carry over. So that is just fascinating. Are you seeing at El Camino that there is a trend toward embedded librarianship or is that not happening at El Camino? No, that is very much happening. That is very much happening. So I won't explain it then. I'll let you explain to our listeners what that is.  And it's a great way and it's a good it's a very it's getting to be more popular here at our campus. I think one of my colleagues has like three classes and that's about maybe three or four sessions throughout the semester. And it's a good way to our faculty here really value our librarian skills here. They they know how important information literacy, which is actually one of the core institution at learning outcomes. That's our objectives here at the college is so central and the library research is really central. They they even learn things when we tell them when we teach the class, they go, oh, wow, I didn't know. Just today, I had a class and then the professor was just so thankful that it was so that I was able to find relevant articles because they needed to find photos and I show them exactly how to do that. And they were really thankful for that. So that's embedded library and and for our students, this is a bigger and bigger trend in both academic or sort of traditional for your or more academic institutions, as well as community colleges. And I'm I'm going to step in and make a pitch here. Sure. Yeah. That Ryan, you can back me up or you can say, no, no, no, that's not the case. But one of the things that I have found with the students that I have worked with here in Colorado, which is where I am based, is that over a 20 year period, so many of the students that I have had who were going to go into either academic or public librarianship ended up doing internships at community colleges. And they fell in love with students and the faculty and never left because for them, a community college was like the best of both worlds. The students were incredibly appreciative. The faculty were incredibly appreciative. And you had an an an opportunity to have a very meaningful impact on the lives of the students who we're working with, who were frequently the first students in their family to go to college. So so they I, you know, I'm sort of jealous that you're working in a. Yeah, yeah, that's very true. You hit the nail on the head. I the students here are amazing. They're they're really appreciative. I remember like my interactions with them at the desk. Speaking as a former teen librarian, it's nice to be like kind of working with early adults now. Now I get to see the next phase when they're, you know, from, you know, 12, 12 to 17. Now I'm seeing like the 18 to 21 year old. So it's it's kind of that neat progression that I can build upon that that relationship that I built with teens and kind of carry that type of they're getting older. Yes. But, you know, a lot of them have, I think I can connect with them still with that teen librarianship experience. I just want to interject one more thing about the classes that you'll take at iSchool, the meta meta data class would be really helpful. Digital curation. And then also cataloging cataloging has been so important in my job reading mark records as I'm migrating a lot of bibliographic records. It's and as we move to like bib frame that that will really help you as well, too. In mind, I know people look down on cataloging. It's like difficult, but I think I like it a lot. It's how information is organized and it helped me get my job where I'm at now. That is fascinating because, yes, you're right. We do always make fun of catalogers, but they're actually the only reason we can find anything. Yeah, yeah. And it's that's great advice. Well, that's what that is useful. So, yeah, I could talk with you for the next three hours. Yeah, yeah, I'll be respectful and ask my last question. Sure. What advice would you have for students and alumni who are considering making a career change? For example, if you're someone who is a student in the program and maybe you've worked in an academic library as an aide or something, you're coming in, you're getting your degree and you're thinking, I think I'd like to pivot into public librarianship or we have alumni who are listening and they're thinking, I think I'm done with public librarianship. I'd like to maybe go in a new direction. What advice would you have for people like this? Yeah, as you can see, as my my when I was talking, I was like, oh, I was able to get like a part time position or even if like, I probably would have liked to volunteer to just to kind of see. So I think part time like you want to get paid. So yeah, try to get a part time position. See how it works. You might think that you might not have enough time, but think of it as a great way to get get paid more, but also to to get that experience as well. So if you're that part time library aide in an academic, you want to see public librarianship. See if you can do story time to see if you can sub places, get out on those those library websites, agency, government jobs, dot org, put in job, job interest cards and see what comes up because you can do searching, sitting at your desk for one session, but if you have those out there and then see if you can get a part time job for the alumni. Yeah, I think it's good to just kind of throw your hand in the ring. If you already have experience, then go ahead and try try applying. Who knows, you might get an interview or if you're finding more jobs that are speaking to you more, how can you gain skills at your current position but that will help you, you know, be more attractive when you apply to those other jobs. Does that make sense? Yeah, you know, it's similar. I kind of think of it as bridging from where you are to where you want to be. And and picking up, you know, the first thing you do is identify what what your skills gap is and then find ways to cover that ground. But one of the things that really strikes me about what you're saying about getting a part time job. Yeah, I couldn't agree with that more because another thing that gives you is contacts. It gets you in front of people who see what you can do. They know you're interested in that field. And all of a sudden, where you didn't previously know anyone in that area of librarianship, now you're part of a team. Now, now you know people and you have those connections. And then you start hearing about jobs. Then you start having references. And so I think the advice you're giving is spot on. And I just think that's great. Conferences are great. You know, I went to just one more thing about conferences. I went to like a technical services presentation on something very technical. And I was like, oh, this kind of sounds interesting to me. Like I kind of want to learn. And then I sat there and I was like, wow, it's really nice to hear someone who's very knowledgeable about their field. It kind of let me like, oh, this is something I'm interested. Oh, let me see more. Oh, I really like this, you know, and and that's a great indicator because I always felt like if I heard something or I saw something and my reaction was, I want to know more about that. That's that's a flag right there that tells you this is something you should pursue. Yeah, listen to that voice. Even I didn't need to learn more about teen life. Like I did took I did go to this conference, but it was like, oh, let me try something different. So so when I was a teen librarian, I went to that and I thought, oh, OK, I'm going to log that in. Why is that interesting to me? OK, yeah, cool. So that's it for me. Yeah, unless you get any more. Thank you so very, very much, Ryan, for sharing your story and your insights with us. I think if I were going through high school right now, this would really help me shape what choices I was making and why I was making those choices. So I think it's been incredibly helpful. And to the students and alumni who are listening, I would say, you know, look at Ryan and look what he has done. You guys have got great careers ahead of you. Yeah, yeah, keep at it, everybody. Keep at it. I have some other talks. I've got that paraprofessional to professional talk that you can still find. And I'll be giving another one on tech librarianship. So keep an eye out for that if you want to hear more from me. We'll look forward to it, Ryan. Thanks so much. Yeah, thanks a lot, Kim.


Good afternoon. Since the outset of the controversy over our policy relating to Iran, I've done everything in my power to make all the facts concerning this matter known to the American people. I can appreciate why some of these things are difficult to comprehend and you're entitled to have your questions answered. And that's why I've pledged to get to the bottom of this matter. And I have said earlier that I would welcome the appointment of an independent council to look into allegations of illegality in the sale of arms to Iran and the use of funds from these sales to assist the forces opposing the Sandinista government in Nicaragua. This morning, Attorney General Meese advised me of his decision that his investigation has turned up reasonable grounds to believe that further investigation by an independent council would be appropriate. Accordingly, consistent with his responsibilities under the Independent Council Act, I immediately urged him to apply to the court here in Washington for the appointment of an independent council. Yesterday, I had my first meeting with the Special Review Board. That review board is made up of three men of unquestioned integrity and broad experience in foreign and national security policy. In the meeting with the board, they promised me a tough, no-nonsense investigation. And I promised them the full cooperation of the White House staff and all agencies of the executive branch. No area of the NSC staff's activities will be immune from review. And when the board reports to me, I intend to make their conclusions and recommendations available to Congress and to the American people. With the appointment of an independent council, we will have in place a dual system for assuring a thorough review of all aspects of this matter. If illegal acts were undertaken, those who did so will be brought to justice. The actions in implementing my policy were taken without my authorization, knowledge or concurrence. This will be exposed and appropriate corrective steps will be implemented. I recognize fully the interest of Congress in this matter and the fact that in performing its important oversight and legislative role, Congress will want to inquire into what occurred. We will cooperate fully with these inquiries. I have already taken the unprecedented step of permitting two of my former national security advisors to testify before a committee of Congress. These congressional inquiries should continue. But I do believe Congress can carry out its duties in getting the facts without disrupting the orderly conduct of a vital part of this nation's government. Accordingly, I am urging the Congress to consider some mechanism that will consolidate its inquiries, such a step has already been requested by several members of Congress. I support the idea. In closing, I want to state again that it is my policy to oppose terrorism throughout the world, to punish those who support it and to make common cause with those who seek to suppress it. This has been my policy and will continue to be my policy. If the investigative processes now set in motion are given an opportunity to work, all the facts concerning Iran and the transfer of funds to assist the anti-Sandinista forces will shortly be made public. Then, the American people, you will be the final arbiters of this controversy. You will have all the facts and will be able to judge for themselves, yourselves. I'm pleased to announce today that I'm appointing Frank Carlucci as Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs, a former Deputy Secretary of Defense, Deputy Director of the CIA, and Ambassador to Portugal. Mr. Carlucci has the depth of experience in foreign affairs, defense, and intelligence matters that uniquely qualify him to serve as my National Security Advisor. The American people will be well served by his tenure. Thank you and God bless you.


Well, good morning, everyone. My name is Ashley Thomas. I'm the founding executive director of the Hive Community Circle, and we are so elated that you are joining us this morning for the ribbon cutting of our new location here at 4704 Colonial Drive. I want to also take the time to thank our donors, our partners. I want to especially thank our City Council members. I would like to thank City Councilwoman at Large, Bustle, City Councilwoman Herbert, and again, all of our board members, our partners, our team members who are here to help celebrate and make this day special. So thank you so much again for being here, and we hope that you enjoy not just the grounds of our new home, but that you are truly able to see the intentionality that we have put behind ensuring that we are able to continue centering the safety and wellness of survivors all across the state of South Carolina. So thank you so much again. Good morning. My name is Kay Harrington. I am the chair of the board for the Hive, and also a Columbia College graduate. So this is really exciting to be back home and to celebrate with Ashley and you all. Just want to say thank you to everybody for your support, all of our board members back behind us, all of the Hives staff and employees, friends, partners, investors, donors. This has not have been possible without all of you. So thank you so much. Good morning, everyone. I'm Councilwoman Audity Bustle, the at-large Councilwoman joined by Councilwoman Herbert, and I wanted to say congratulations to all of the staff, the board, the volunteers of the Hive for such an amazing accomplishment of building this intentional space that allows women and others to really have a place where they can feel safe and ensure that their mental health and well-being and their physical health and well-being are prioritized. This work is a testament to the amazing talent that we have in Columbia and the need we have for people to invest in our communities. I've always said as a public health researcher that when our people are healthy, our city can be healthy. And so I'm amazed and I'm touched by how this project has come to fruition, and I'm very much looking forward to continuing to support the work of the Hive. And most importantly, want to remind everyone that it's the work of these community groups that really make a difference in our city and help move the needle in a lot of the different challenges and issues that we are facing. So congratulations to Ashley, congratulations to the board. We are very excited to have you in the city of Columbia.


For me, mentorship is absolutely essential. I wouldn't be where I am today without the mentors that I had in my life. And so when the opportunity presented itself to be that mentor for other kids, I gladly signed up. And I think there's an especially great opportunity for me to do that being at Devcom ARL West, because that's reaching a whole new group of kids that the organization didn't necessarily have that access to before the sites opened up. So I'm truly grateful for the opportunity to be a mentor to kids and to hopefully inspire the next generation of scientists and engineers.


It's day four of the o9-21 convention last day. We've never gone this far into an event four days is pretty pretty big So yeah, anyways today we have first up red-hand man. I want to go on stage man. Oh, sure. I didn't know he's in the shot But now I'm a shot. Yeah, he came in 08. He did a great job. I've done him for years and take a seat man take a seat and and He's just a great guy like he's been really helpful You know whenever I need to sell put the event he actually did interview with me a little while ago and local radio It was pretty cool. Yeah, my stuff, too. Yeah, he did he did But just great. I've known for a long time and he's a bit older than most people from I don't think it's a secret, but I think with age comes wisdom I think today's gonna share quite a bit of that for the second year in a row So guys without further ado get stoked. It's red-hand man. Thanks, man. All right Thanks, Anthony He's done a great job.  So, you know kudos to him for having the Cajones coconut size to put this on I mean I Don't know any of my friends were doing things like that at 21 I was getting out of school and doing crazy things a little bit about myself. I am 43.  No If she lives in Orlando, there's it never mind this is film side I've got a little In spite of everything about to hear from me I've tried to talk to guys from my experience and things that got on in my life I Got married really young right out of college.   I've got three daughters and I'm warning them about guys like you and guys like me and I've made a lot of money and business over the years. I've spent a lot of money. It's been a lot of money on women and A couple years ago. I started blogging this stuff. I don't know if any of you've seen it I think there's a link on Anthony's website right hand manifesto blog spot com So I started putting all this stuff down and my friends were like hey, that's pretty cool. That's good You know, I didn't think of it that way So today's like a synopsis of the stuff over the past couple years and I don't think there's a lot of new stuff under the sun I know in the in the realm of the pickup community Everybody's trying to come out with it a new edge something new to sell you know some of the companies have been around a while They're always bringing out new product to sell you. I really don't think there's a lot of stuff That's new under the Sun that Women are complicated men are complicated, too But I try to follow some basic rules in my life that have been helpful me in the interactions. So I Give it a picture of my week This is kind of the lifestyle that I like to have now Tuesday night I have a woman that invites me over and Her house she's got nice wine there. She knocked herself out making these hors d'oeuvres I'm like a foodie. I like I should weigh a couple hundred pounds, but I don't but I love food And I love a woman that cooks for me and goes out of waiting. It's not nice So she really knocked herself out with these these hors d'oeuvres What is that the Italian ham drop that yeah, what's that Italian ham prosciutto you guys ever heard of that? Prusciuto Gouda So he's knocked out hors d'oeuvres. So get the hors d'oeuvres the wine great romantic evening You know, I leave there the next day Super Thursday night getting another woman.  She gives me her best liquor. She makes a dinner That would put Ruth's Chris to shame filet mignon shrimp cocktail like hey, where's your shrimp cocktail? She's like, you know, I'm Deathly allergic to that and I'm like look at this. She doesn't like it but makes it for me The great dinner. I brought my guitar played some for Is really killer so Two things this week, you know being treated kind of like a king and then last night I had a date with a girl and We had a couple pictures of beer Dinner we sat unless some live music The bill came she paid for the whole thing So that's kind of what my deal is is I like to flip the script on traditional roles of what? Men and women or what guys thinking especially what our society says How the male-female relationship is supposed to go? So today here's what I'm going to talk about Really two big things what to avoid and dealings with women and what to embrace Things that you want to avoid are problems in relationships You want to avoid the money drain out of your bank account into someone else's pocket? And the other thing you want to avoid is baby mama drama So we'll talk about that Things that you need to embrace that's the second part is you've got embrace a strong frame I write a lot about that in my blog. I've made all the mistakes. So now I know We'll talk about multiple long-term relationships because that's really the alternative to traditional dating It's alternative to marriage talk a little bit about having male friends and Then if you've got to pick just one What do you do? Some guys feel the need they've got to pick one woman and stay with her so I'm not I'm not like a the most gifted public speaker So I'm just going to try to talk to you and I'll try to move around for the camera So that I'm doing that right like I'm supposed to and at times I'm going to read a little some excerpts from my blog. So Some of the best speeches there I've given they read from teleprompters Next year. Can we get a teleprompter? It works for Obama Here's a snapshot of your future Is anybody in the room who's over 25? Get anybody over 30 Okay, that's good. Excellent. How many guys are under 22? Okay, excellent. Good deal.  You're gonna get career You can try your hand at dating you're gonna fall in love. You're gonna get engaged.  You're gonna have kids and then you get divorced. That's the odds are it's greater than 51% that that's what's gonna happen to you and Now I did it. So the real challenge in coming to like a four-day convention like this It's picking up some skills picking up some new ideas to help you defy the odds Because everything in our culture is kind of geared toward pushing you that way, you know success in our culture is defined as that track right there Go to a good school get a good degree get a good job Find a good woman get married have good kids put them through school get divorced and then you find yourself in your 40s Back again going wow. Let me see if I can do this different this time So that's the thing it tried to maybe I give you some information to help you defy the odds Here's what I've seen. There's the problems with relationships that are traditional is It's I think it's a problem unique to Western cultures, especially in America I've got three daughters. I'm not gonna talk too much about them because they may find this on the internet and so But I've got three beautiful daughters And I love them. I would do anything for them. I'd give my life for them But I never ever use the word princess with them Because that's something in America every girl wants to be a princess Disney perpetuates that I gotta be a princess come to Disney I treat you like a princess And I apologize to the women there in the audience today at no offense personally, but I'm gonna talk in general. There's always Exceptions to the rule and there's great women out there. I find them all the time the women that are exception to the typical rule but You know, there's American women have a sense of entitlement and they really like us to chase I don't know if anybody talked about that Patrick and I last year kind of give a presentation on pick up and the whole idea of not chasing women and it's so easy to fall into that trap of Chasing a woman who feels entitled to your time to your money to your affection and the hotter that you think she is the more likely you're gonna succumb to her sense of entitlement and and It's not just like sour grapes from guys like us in a convention. You hear it on Oprah dr. Phil Ellen Cosmo glamour everything's pushing women to have this but before it's a foregone conclusion that women are victims Well, let's take a look some of the games that women play You know because women what do they always say when say I'm tired of players and that's basically short for a game player tired of guys that play But I think the games that women play are even more dangerous. So they typically involve women looking for sponsors Guys that are willing to part with their money And you think that approval affection and fidelity can be purchased now in America these days The you know the big race was really not between McCain and Obama It was really between Hillary and Obama should maybe get her shot again But we're in an era now where a woman can be president of the United States a woman can make an accusation about a man And basically ruin his career look at the Duke lacrosse team You know you've a couple years ago basically ruin these guys best years in college With an accusation so society is kind of leans toward that that the woman's the victim But there's some games and you guys are probably ahead of the the curve on this but bar drinks I Mean when we go out some guys peacock personally, I think everybody gets in the game and I was out the other night on Friday night downtown and I could sell the guys that have read the book the game or they get a little pick up information because They all look the same you can pick a new guy new to the community.  Tell me this for female friends tell me that all the time So one thing when we come out they want to use your money to buy to buy drinks They play all games Say you do well in a pickup scenario you meet a girl You spend a little time with her and you become involved physically with her and you're like hey This is you know, it's just not a romp The sexual romp you'll find that yeah, they'll put out and then all of a sudden here's the game comes along is You know, I have a few expectations. I heard that from one woman. We hook up and the next thing I know She's hey, I have a few expectations for this She gave me our expectations, but it really boiled down to me becoming her boyfriend The other game that women want to use you for lunches and dinners and when I was first divorced I Was taking girls out to dinner? crazy so One good article I have you guys Paul Janka Janka Janka. You ever heard of him? I show hands Paul Janka. Yeah, good guy He writes a really good article out there about why you avoid the whole avoid the whole dining out routine Because if a woman's really into you she'll either cook for you or she'll come to your house for dinner So it was about probably I was a couple years ago. I met this girl She's 29 so she's like 12 years younger than me meet her for coffee. There's no Starbucks near her house, so Go to Applebee's just to hang out have a coffee get to know her and we're sitting there and it's after about 30 minutes She's like well, you know what? She's like are we gonna order some food?   I didn't eat anything and I'm hungry and we talking a long time I'm like no, you know the plan was just to meet have some coffee talk get to know each a little bit better But she's coming back and going no, but when the woman's hungry This is out of this good record, but the one when the woman's hungry. It's the polite thing to do I'm like I run out of time. I've got to get back She's like that's okay. Can we order some takeout? I'm like you're persistent, aren't you? I'm like, you know what?  I get enough money to buy dinner for the whole lunch for the whole restaurant I'm like, yeah, I don't doubt that but that's the kind of the game. Hey, buy me dinner. No, we're not going to do that Oh, can we get takeout? So there's some persistent women out there And that's hardcore pressure. I mean she was She might still be she might have still been stripping, but She was a stripper. She looked great But everything she could muster batting the brown eyes at me So Lunches and dinners you picking up the tab. It's a game The shopping game, but I don't think anybody's really that stupid, but I've got a friend that knew a girl after just a few short months and was out buying her a necklace at Tiffany's And I'm just like what were you thinking? So some guys do that Weekend trips every girl wants to go to Las Vegas on a cruise New York City for the weekend The younger set of girls that are in school don't think about that But as soon as the woman gets out and she's got a career. She thinks about weekend trips Substitute word get away for dinner. It's the same thing a woman will Look for you to sponsor her out of town trips Especially if the relationship is she's like some kind of relationship that's going well You know, she plant that seed. Hey, we should get out town. We should go to the beach for the weekend We should go this we should do that The other game the women plays cohabitation game I had some friends that do it now. I had a friend About 18 months ago that was doing it just killed him the cohabitation deal No marriage no kids, but a world of manipulation on her part You know, a lot of women miss the co part of that I've got some friends that do that right they get the cohabitation and it's 5050 down the line She's treats. He treats back and forth. It's only even keel The other game engagement rings in our society. That's the ultimate game for a woman It is the ultimate finger trophy for the non-married girl once once you get out of school they get the career They're now looking for They're trying to find a good guy who's going to provide for her good guys can get their kids But that engagement ring A couple years ago Was dating this one girl and her friend had been married one year The poor guy I think knew her like six months before they got engaged. He bought her $10,000 engagement ring So he's known her maybe 18 months at the end of that here comes the divorce What do you think she did with the ring? Hey, you know, I'm sorry. I didn't work out.  Hey, it's a starter ring You know later the whole idea is you're going to buy that ring She pops out a couple kids for you. Now you got to get her the big ring. So It's another game Other game baby daddy you get to watch out for that. Um Anybody heard this term? Hey, we don't you don't need a condom I'm on birth control Did we hurt it with your hands exactly? Who plays with fire I talked my friend patrick's here. I talked to him about this friday night. He just looked at me and said do you really want more kids? so He does sometimes that he did he did the moment you You don't want to wrap that thing. Maybe you should you know Be especially vigilant for some of you guys in the little older bracket closer to me. Um the 30 to 38 range Uh these women if you listen real closely, they exude a ticking sound And uh after they conquer the marketplace they feel compared to conquer compelled to conquer motherhood and um You know if you that's just a tough deal. That's even an american thing. Hey conquer the marketplace conquer motherhood hire an Annie never home Uh we'll talk about that a little bit later about what to look for You know, some of you may have been raised by a mom like that. It was never home. I was very fortunate My mom was old school. She stayed home. It's a really good thing about that. Some of other may have had that It's a really good deal But the game. Hey, I want to have a baby. Baby's just another projection sometimes for an american woman I got my career. I'm gonna keep the baby. They never see the kids. They're stressed out Um If you're the poor, you know, that's the tough thing with women who have careers It's noble.  This uh, it's a pretty good thing So that's one problem american's woman entitlement, um The divorce rate It's a problem with relationships I don't know what the stats are now. It's over 50% Everybody's well aware of that big problem with getting married is that the odds are so so much against you Um Marriage is not the cure for loneliness I think a lot of times you'll find you don't hit this now, but as you get up in your years There's some men that really fear growing old and alone and I don't think it's the cure for it I've been married. I've had kids I've owned several companies made a lot of money lost a lot of money Had cars nice cars Nice vacations, but if you pick any one of those things none of them makes you happy So if you just substitute the word for marriage if you think something's making you happy you chase it for a while You get it and go a you know what that really didn't make me happy marriage is the same thing. It's not the cure for loneliness um There's a certain amount of it emotionally that sets in to a guy There's a certain amount of loneliness. It's not necessarily needing this because your emotions you're going to feel these things whether or not But uh, sometimes the crave just to have a relationship to being one is because a guy really doesn't know what he wants Um marriage doesn't solve the loneliness problem having a girlfriend doesn't solve the loneliness problem um plenty of successful Uh Guys who've conquered the marketplace They've conquered their finances Uh conquered athletics they get stuck in a lonely marriage So it doesn't uh, there's no guarantee that that girl that you marry or stay with Is going to be the same sweet caring woman that you fell in love with So no one can guarantee that and that's another difficult thing people change in marriage. You know The girl that you marry She changes she grows or she has different wants and desires go in the other way um drama It's another problem with relationships um Women are typically more emotional than men They have more drama you talk to a woman who's in a career professional and say she works around other women There's always drama involved. I had this conversation thursday night with my friend The one who cooked a great dinner for me. She's like i've been working around guys for five years now very successful high powered Guys that make a lot of money spend a lot of money and she would like that environment She could be herself. She could say what she wanted rarely had her feelings hurt She changed careers and now works at a company that she works predominantly on a team of I think it's 12 women And she's been there one week and she's like drama is unbelievable. She's like i haven't cried my job in five years I'm working with women for one week. I'm in the bathroom twice crying my eyes out Because they're caddy so women bring that emotion into the relationship. That's another thing the closer you get the more you're opening yourself up to the drama The life cycle of relationships Never heard the phrase that house guests and fresh fish go bad after three days Same thing relationships have a have a life cycle New dating relationships Charlie sheen once said you don't pay him for the sex. You pay him to leave so There's a lot to be said for that From my experience the shelf life of a new exciting relationship is about four to six months It even occurs if you're not totally exclusive with that With that one woman Even if you're getting some stuff on the side, it's still a four to six month life cycle on that And unless she's your super duper ideal woman That you've been looking for and you know what you want That's the exception to the rule But the old phrase the bumper sticker no matter how hot she is some guy somewhere is sick of her shit It's kind of the case. So here's what you look for it in relationships at the three to four month mark for you Her physical flaws become more noticeable. You're like, oh, I might have noticed her feet before You know I didn't notice her teeth This is great Second thing for you she starts pushing you for some sort of commitment Now the third thing for you at the three to four month mark Her unusual quirks become less cute and more annoying. You're like, yeah, that was cute before but now Gotta hate that phrase You know the idea of the girl. She said wow really It's just guess so the first it was cute that it came annoying So for her at the three to four month mark In your relationship that you know the girl she's typically She's thinking hey, he won't promise exclusivity. I want to know that he's just banging me and nobody else The second thing that happens he spends too much time with his friends His work His hobbies so her demands are for more time At the three to the three to four month mark for her, um, he doesn't validate me enough And then she finally comes to realization.   You know, nobody wants to be hurt So it takes another month two months to go. Oh, you know, I'm in this bad relationship I gotta I've got to break it off And the life cycle the relationship. So just three to four month thing I've made this mistake twice in my dating life don't ever ever ever Really see never but this is never Whatever you do, even your most drunken emotionally vulnerable state Or when the sex is really really good Never let those three words come across your lips because as soon as you say those three words that she wants to hear That will haunt you in trying to break off the relationship where they're So the three four month mark she's looking for the I love you So that's the problem with, uh With relationships there's a lot up against you in a typical traditional dating relationship um the second thing, uh the dangerous about being in a exclusive with one woman in a long-term relationship Oh question Sorry Can you elaborate a little bit more on why you don't want to say I love you? Well, here's what I think if you really believe that Then you need to be in the relationship with her um It's a difficult thing. I'll we're gonna talk a little bit about multiple Long-term relationships and that's probably a better answer than that in that deal It's a dangerous phrase to say to a woman because when it just kind of we can say it But when you say it to her it really locks her in And I think the problem with it There's nothing wrong with loving things. I love my daughters. I love my mother. I love my aunt Uh, there's other female relatives. I love I trust my mother. I trust my daughters. All of the women have to prove themselves And what happens is that when you're trying to establish the frame in the relationship Which I'm going to talk about that I love you Really hurts your frame in a major way. It's like being sideswiped by a semi-tractor trailer The other thing that's a problem with the relationship. It's going to be your money or your life We're still in a culture where it's predominantly the male's responsibility the father's responsibility to provide Even though women now have as much opportunity as guys you'll find that in jobs for the marketplace You what you really have to come across is that You have to decide in a relationship you can do the relationships that I that I seek now with women It's either on an even kill. It's 50 50 as far as treating for things going places But the last relationship I was in I paid for Drinks on date number one went to hear a friend's band play This girl happened to know the band too. We had some mutual friends in common. We go out to listen to the band I buy around she right buys around After that everything else in the relationship was paid for by her She paid for all the dates I would go to happy hour and invite her to come out with my friends. She would pick up the tab um She bought me a pass To universal studios for the air. She wants to spend time with me. She bought me the pass She bought me a pass to seaworld bush gardens aquatica so I could do that with her So you got to decide in a relationship and in life what your view is about money and whatever your expectation is It's going to come across it's going to leak out in the things that you say and have in your expectation Last night when I was on that date The bill came and I didn't even flinch to reach for my wallet. In fact when I talked to her earlier the day before about hanging out I cleared it up. I said you treat this time and I'll pick up the next time Now when I hang out whether I'm probably not going to do something that's expensive. I'd rather do something that's fun Because I am a tightwad I'm frugal So I don't think you got to spend money to get laid. I don't think you have to spend money to have a good relationship with a woman In fact, if you're a little bit more creative, you're not going to spending money at all So you have to decide for yourself, especially at a young age before you become encumbered with a woman What's your views are about money debt How hard you want to work? How much you want to work? You got to you got to now is the time to be thinking about your views on retirement It comes fast. Let me tell you 20 years from 20 to 40 Zooms right by Huge 20 years of uh compound interest That's those 20 years you're going to be working probably not your prime earning years. You make a lot of money Good chance to put money aside But you got to decide about that because a woman will come along and you get a serious relationship with her Especially if you end up deciding to take the leap and be married Or you're going to co-habitate and you're going to start a family Her views about money Are going to be really she's going to want to put those on it depends on her personality But you have to be strong about that because you know, what's the number one thing the couples fight about? Money finances if you look at all the divorces. What's the number one cause of divorce? It's finances And let me tell you when you're in there and you're married to a woman You got a joint checking account and you can say what you want But if she can write checks, you know, it doesn't matter what your spending plan is She can write a check. She can spend your money. I've lived through that. It's brutal. It's painful. It's frustrating So word of the wise you got to decide now how it's going to be and you got to stick to your guns I got a friend of mine who always talked about frugality and he's Talking about hooking out frugal the other guy But um, he's smart with his money. He doesn't spend a lot. He's invested well and uh, he lives a pretty Stress-free lifestyle Because what will happen in your relationship?   She's going to tell you Hey, I'd like to have a nicer car. I'd like a bigger car for the kids Can we get that big SUV and all of a sudden you're spending things that that you never would So you have to decide what's worth going into debt for The other thing that's wrong with An exclusive relationship that you get into marriage baby mama drama the biggest cost to Having a child with a woman is the emotional cost Finances you can always make more money But the emotional damage the stress on that it's harder to recover from If you get pregnant with a woman you can make it a 20 year commitment to her So another reason to use Trojan brand condoms, right? It's a 20 year commitment children are expensive private schools expensive college is expensive Um That's the problem. So those three things you you look at the problems inside the relationship You're gonna look at the the drain that it could be on your potentially in your bank account And then if you have kids with a woman You got to look at the risk there. There's going to be a lot of financial emotional cost involved with that Because if the odds play out against you and you're the one that gets divorced You're still stuck with this woman if you have children with her She's going to be in your life the rest of your life whether you like it or not So all the more reason to Choose wisely That first time around so those are things to avoid mistakes in in the relationships Um I told you the second thing I want to talk about today is what to embrace Uh, I didn't have this when I was 21 I Got married right out of school. I think I just I was it turned 22 years old three weeks after that I got married I didn't have it. I learned it later. I learned it over the years and then was able to kind of put it into uh Into words after looking back and go wow, I know what I know how to have the relationship now There's two things that that battle That battle you in having good frame Because good frame helps you in every area of your life.  It's anything else. She's hot.  It's either her looks Or her economic power You know, I'll say I'm attracted to women that are financially successful It's pretty hot to me because I know that they're going to take me nice places Nothing wrong with that Um, this could be job status. She has it could be her social status There's something about her that flips the switch in you and the problem is is that excuse me Sometimes we give up our frame and you know, you're giving up your frame when you're showing too much interest to her while she's present in the room Uh, you're only focusing your efforts on her. It's the only girl you can think about you kind of forget Hey, I'm gonna have to talk to any of the women because I really wanted to work out with this girl Um, you're buying her stuff. You you know if you're out It happens in an instance. You see a girl like, you know, she'll be the exception. Excuse me, Matt She'll be the exception.  Hey, here's when my schedule allows And the other thing you know that you're you've got uh, your frame is being attacked with attraction is that you tolerate poor behavior I think over time you learn to have like the zero tolerance for that but uh The way maybe she treats your friends I know i'm susceptible to it. I can think of a real a good example um Of a friend that's really interested in this girl but It started out is that she had the princess mentality And when she would come hang out with us she would kind of blow us off You know Poor behavior, you know what if you're with a girl She should like your friends your friends should like her and if they don't that should be a big warning sign to you Um, all that stuff that women want you to chase them.  I think is Chodeness You know, it's being a sucker If you could take a magic pill at the beginning of the relationship And it would give you vision to see some of her faults Some of her weaknesses some of the things that are going to annoy you down the road Your frame would be much stronger up front So i've started doing a new thing in my phone when I get a girl's number and I put it in I've got her first name her last name or however i'm going to remember You know, here's her name and I met her downtown at such and such a club so I can remember who she was But in the middle i'll stick in there something about her that I don't like Yeah, i'm looking for the fault Oh, she's got a great body, but you know in the face So I got her first last name and faces in the middle Um She's got another girl in there, uh Annoying I let's see what's in my phone. Let's see what I got. I'll get it in here Oh one girl I met beautiful girl I've seen her downtown before my friend Patrick and I saw her out on a date with a guy one time Gorgeous blonde really good-looking girl I go out just to talk to her hang out fight a little bit more about her And find out the reason she didn't remember me from downtown is she's a recovering alcoholic Oh my god, this is not going to work. So under her name. I've got dry in the middle So I'm picking out things about them. I don't like just to keep my frame in the right mind This woman's got faults of her own It wouldn't work out between me and her because I'm the world's worst AA sponsor It doesn't work Um So you've got to you've got to keep your frame in mind let's see The other thing is you have a sense of you're attractive.  His name is Jim Rohn. Not the radio guy who does the sports There's another wise old guy that teaches a lot about business And I like his his quote is success is not something you pursue.  What kind of people do I attract? You have to think about your circle of friends Who you hang out with who are the guys that I hang out with? Um, who am I attracting to my life? How do you become more attractive as a man? Here's some questions. It's a mental checklist here. How many books have you read in the last month? Um, how much time do you think you take to Meditate on your existence and the meaning of your life? Um, when's the last time you learned a new skill hobby? How much time do you spend pursuing the hobbies that interest you most? Uh, is there anything that you've always wanted to do as an instrument? Do you hear people say?  I always want to play the guitar Yeah, what are you doing to pursue things like that? Um, when's the last time you did something for the very first time you did something new? How many friends did you make last year and keep last year? How many new friends did you make? Um, how have you been working on your health? How often do you do something creative and cool for somebody else? A family member or friend? Um, when's the last time you traveled somewhere you've never been before? All these things really are varied and widespread, but they really come back to things that change you on the inside and make you a more attractive person When you when you talk about somebody, I mean look at the whole pickup game You can run routines and do things or you just talk to somebody about what you read recently Hey, you know, I was just reading this book the other day or hey, let me tell you where I just get back from I just get back from Costa Rica So if you picture yourself sitting at a table Somebody's house with all your friends and everything was stripped away your car your clothes all that other stuff Sports you know the common news. What would you really have to talk about? Do you have really anything going on inside of you? That's of interest to other people that makes you unique An idea that you can talk about because it really comes down to that with people You know, if you have ideas and things you can communicate and articulate Um, it's it's very attractive to other people.  Um, I think you need to travel outside of your comfort zone How many show hands who's been ever traveled outside the United States? A lot of people In the past year who's traveled outside the United States? Good for you guys It gets out of your comfort zone. Uh, I think it puts a lot of things in perspective for your frame It's good to go to another country and see how women treat men It's good to go to another country and see how women treat American men It's a good boost for you America's a place everybody wants to come If you travel there, you realize, hey, I'm an attractive guy. It's spite of when you come back here Everything's geared toward yeah Good question Just stops making a quick note on that when I was in the military I was stationed in japan for a few months and one thing I noticed was that A lot of american service members they would go there and come back with a wife It was like a running gag and they would cook and clean for them.   I mean in america Being macho or machismo as they say it is that's taboo. It's bad, but you go to another country and you see that in other cultures Um, I'll get to that in a minute Let me zip through this. So frame you've got it. You got to cultivate your talents. You need to travel.  I'm not going to return all her phone calls.  She should treat me. She should take out eat I'm going to talk to other women cool. What does the hot girl does she all guys are hitting on her all day long So you need to act more like the hot babe question Are we okay on time anthony? All right So you're going out like you're going like you're reading books You're you're going to other countries to to be attractive.  Okay. I'm going places that I want to go say gotcha So I could say hey when I'm hanging out with people You never know it could be it's good. You're talking about your friends. It could be a client You got to do a deal with a client This whole stuff about being attractive Is serves your entire life not just women women find it attractive But there's everybody else You go to a dinner party a social event a business networking event and you're having a conversation about Where you've been you find out somebody's been there all of a sudden you have a connection with them So being well reading having read the same book that somebody read to have that discussion So it's not chasing. It's not doing things to attract women. It's becoming a more attractive man If you know you're an attractive man Then your frame is stronger because you know that you bring something to the table Acting more like a hot babe Wait a few days to answer email cancel a date out of the blue for no reason cancel on her You know go out with somebody else. They have cancel on her Some hot women do it all the time and you won't be so locked into one woman Expect her to treat you dinner movies drinks places Be hot babe. I mean that's about becoming attractive.  Hey You're special. Let's treat you. Let's take care. You have to pay for that. We got that mr.  Well, why they they're I'm a star Yeah, I'm an attractive person so people are going to do things for me So you got to adopt some of that into your front into your mind The other thing is you know Let's attract a list of life goals that you're working on and accomplishing that makes you an attractive person Having more than one woman that you're interested in time with it's good for your ego When more than one woman's interested you I mean that's It's a boost you don't get locked into that that one And um acting more like a hot babe women are always hot women are always getting hit on everywhere they go You know ring no ring So you need a regular method of adding new prospects Into the women that are kind of orbiting around you in your life One woman's not going to make or break you So that's another piece of of uh your frame being attractive um I know a blog I read a little bit about fear of rejection One of the problems with the traditional pickup type stuff where you're doing the pursuing and chasing I don't do as good a job as my friend patrick did last year We did a little presentation about non-chasing not chasing women But one of the things with traditional style pickup where i'm approaching i'm walking across the bar to the hot girl I'm going to interrupt her and her friends to give them some line um I'm coming over here to try to interrupt their conversation to get their attention to maybe see if I can do something That's flashy and they're going to be attracted to um Or try hard i'm walking into the venue and i'm not i'm dressed way more outlandish than I should be He just comes back to here. I'm looking for something from somebody and what happens is that the more you do that and get shot down I don't think going to opening and hey, I got to do x number of sets. It's going to be great for me Oh, this is super.  It's it's why sales is a hard business It's why cold calling sales is tough because you don't want to pitch somebody and have them turn you down um So that fear of rejection coming back to being an attractive guy having a strong frame You don't approach everything that you see in the bar. It's not like hey I'm going to chase everything that comes along and let the numbers work out in my favor on the last thing I think that helps your your strong frame and I've alluded to this is um You know traditional dating I kissed it goodbye and and glad about that the whole thing you gotta That mean 10 minutes 10 minutes All right You guys can ask me questions later. Let me hit this real quick. Um multiple long-term relationship to answer your question Here's here's how you maintain them I got my notes because I can't remember all the wonderful things I think of right um More than one our society doesn't like multiple long-term relationships, but historically and especially the you know you look at People a long time ago guys had more than one wife before the law lost him along can't have more than one wife Hey guys did in the latin culture. What does every guy have? Who's attractive in the land culture? He's got a wife He's got his amante a mistress He's got a girlfriend the wife's long term for kids The mistress is a little bit more permanent and the girlfriend rotates in and out So it's something called. Why don't we have that in america? We should But um, you look at the upside of having more more than one relationship going on at one time is uh All the flaws that she has one particular girl won't bother you as much You don't act all goofy for one woman and forget your masculinity in exchange for sex Um varieties the spice of life Uh and one woman does not control you. So how do you maintain those multiple relationships? um frame And here's my guidelines um About the here's what you asked that question earlier was a good question about why not why don't you say I love you So here's my guidelines for maintaining relationships with multiple women Phone communication text messaging is just like once a week. Maybe twice not a lot of phone conversations. You got to maintain space No gifts cards Notes emails nothing romantic None of that stuff if it's dinner. It's at her house Maybe my house. I like to cook so I don't mind cook them.  Number five don't get emotional with them Only enough emotion That they know you have some idol of care. It's not like I'm a user. I really if I'm in a relationship with this woman at some level I I do have some care for and I'm a hundred percent there when I'm there You know what? I'm respectful. I'm not rude But It's the nature of the relationship of the Henry Ford rule Everybody knows who Henry Ford was great rule Always meet your subordinates at their office that way you can leave when you are finished So if you miss that one meet her at her house The whole thing of dating going on a date. Hey, just cut cut. We don't date you come to my house. I go to yours Brent with The absolute power date. That's his deal. Hey I think paul jenka does that too.  That's a big emotional benchmark for a woman Um Staying overnight unless you have a really strong friend can be a real boyfriend girlfriend-ish So you got to you got to maintain a little emotional space Um, the whole relationship is kind of a balance. You're not using her. She's not using you But you'll find in most of these relationships when a better deal comes along for her She'll leave and move on. There's nothing wrong with that. That's great. And it makes it easier It in fact, it's a lot easier on her and you if she's the one that tells you goodbye You know, if you're the one it's because more difficult if you're the one having to say goodbye all the time And when you have options like that now, you're the hot babe Let's say one girl calls you she's kind of annoying. It doesn't matter because if I don't see you Tuesday That's fine because I'm going to see this other girl on thursday God, I hope this doesn't show up on the internet Okay, two last things here are going to help you real quick get some male friends get some good male friends Okay Um I'll say this about the community. There's some dorky things about the whole pickup community. We can all admit that All right, you meet people some goofy people in it Um, I did goofy stuff when I first found out about it because I thought everything that uh Neil wrote in the game. I could just copy Does everybody remember going out? I got to get something to peacock with I got to go to the magic store and get some tricks I got to learn some magic What did you need is you need to get some good normal friends? You know, what's the irish grandmother says show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are I'm real fortunate that through the community.  Really? Um, you know, I've done that. I've done the intervention before um Get some friends get some good friends So you're not always thinking about girls. You're not always thinking about going out to get to find a woman I got a sergeant got to get sex hang out with your friends In fact going out and doing the whole sergeing thing It's it's tiring you get burned out if you once you do it enough you're just like I don't want to do that But if you go out you got to hang out with your friends and have a good time people will notice that Look at my guy.  They're not coming across the bar to talk to me So get some male friends. It's good for your frame If you must pick just one You've got to figure out One of the note on your friends, um Find friends especially I don't know where you guys are at in the stage of Being involved in the community or what you do But find some friends that are good at social dialogue They're really how to talk to people that talk to a wide variety of people those are the guys you want to Hang out with So may a good people person he can talk to anybody That's you kind of want to hang out with because you'll learn more hanging out with guys like that Um, if you have any friends that make people feel weird or uncomfortable You know you say dude, you know what you're really freaking me out, you know You want to let them orbit a little further around you people come into your life and some people orbit It's almost like you got your own little Solar system Some people your closest friends orbit around you Really close you spend a lot of time with them other people you got to make sure that they only come around once a month You know, there's other people that need to orbit around you once a year that they come around So you got to be careful who you're hanging out with because you will become like those that you hang out with And if you're hanging out with guys that are socially retarded You're not going to grow So you got to seek out and you got to you've got to improve yourself and become more attractive person Because you want You want friends that challenge you you want friends that stretch you and make you grow Enough about friends if you've got to pick just one You're dying you got to be you know if I had to pick just one You find a side you want to get married or you want to be exclusive with a woman I think in my limited experience of what a woman brings to the table And I had a good female friend mine really get pissed off when she read my blog and I read in there But here's what I think a woman brings to the table one is nurture She brings in physical affection a listening ear words of encouragement. That's a really good thing in relationship You know a woman that's into you and she tells you something nice That's that's very nurturing to you. The second thing she brings to the table is a sexual relationship Um She brings it to the table if she enjoys it she initiates it And she seeks to please you you want a woman who said this so I've heard this Hey, you don't mind aggressive women do you? That's a good thing to hear now. She should initiate some of the sex. All right hospitality If you got to pick just one woman find one that knows about hospitality She cooks for you. She finds out your favorite beer or your favorite beverage. She keeps it around Um, she knows how to make people feel comfortable in her home or her apartment or if she's at The other thing she brings to the table companionship Is this woman really interested in helping you achieve your goals?  You know, I was in a relationship with a girl for six months and she told me Hey, would you have another child? I'm like, yeah, maybe I would I don't know that yet. Well the six month mark She gave me the heave-ho which is just fine with me But she's like, hey, I don't think you're gonna stick around and have a baby with me that woman had an agenda It wasn't about what I wanted. It was about I was a piece of her puzzle So companionship is she really interested in your goals? Other thing the woman brings the table childbearing We can't do that. So if you want to have kids, you've got to find a woman for that But she's got the desire and the mental health to raise good kids You know, it can't be like hey, I want this the best way for that is to look at a girl and ask her Really get serious a woman.  Acorn ever falls far from the tree. That's who she's going to end up being like May take 20 years, but she'll get there So if her mom doesn't take care of herself for her mom's a nag if her mom's annoying if her mom's been married three times For moms and alcoholic if mom's an abuser For moms in abusive relationships That's the kind of stuff you're looking at because guess what that's what The little princess saw growing up So that's what they bring to the table Here's the following morning signs red flags pay attention to these signs because These women rarely bring anything to the table Any three of these things five minutes. Okay She tells you how much she enjoys eating out.   Oh, what are you going to do next time? She doesn't invite you over just to hang out. Yeah, if you've known a woman any More than a couple weeks and you've never been to her place bread flag She says she's taking an emotional risk with you She has predominantly couples or married friends She still lives with her parents. Now. I know if they're still in college. That's all right Um if she's annoyed with children Here's the signs that you got to keep her These are the women that I look for us to hey, you know what I want to be involved in With you Okay, here's the bad signs Run when you see these things a little basket by the sofa filled with frayed cat boys If she has a copy of dr. Phil's book love smart you see that in the bookshelf go the other way If she's got cat hair cat smell pets smell on her furniture now Her shoe rack in her closet is overflowing with shoes, but she's got no decent liquor in her house That's a bad sign If her refrigerator is more of a museum of condiments, then it is actually a source of nutrition run the other way And always look in her bathroom and if her birth control packet Has pills in it for monday and tuesday and it's wednesday. That's a problem Here's what it looks like. Here's you know when you have a keeper and here's what I look for Uh, you go to her place.  So the Henry Ford rule you mean about their house So if you're going to meet your subordinates at their house because you're looking for her whole place is clean and well kept That is a really good sign Um, she has a dog clean and well behaved I just hate cats Does he might have a cat any guys have a cat in the room? Yeah, get rid of the cat Wrong convention, um I'm just kidding. That's fine. That's fine. Cats are not chick magnets dogs are Greyhounds are the best chick magnet ever get a greyhound. All right. Um comfortable matching furniture She's got a choice of liquor liquors and mixers. She knows how to make a drink That's a lost skill women from the 1950s could make a good martini for you.  She's in it's look leave it to beaver. That wasn't that far from the truth Um Refrigerator is stocked with real food And she has clean sheets and her bed is made. That's what I look for On top of other things Here's the things you're going to hear when you find a keeper like that a girl one of the one of the girls that you would going to be involved with in a Relationship she's going to say things like this which I wrote them down because I've heard them all Do you like it when I touch you like this?  Hey, can you come over? What would you like? Would you like filet mignon? Do you like muscles? I'm going to try a new appetizer out on you. That's That's what you want to hear. Um She says sit down relax. Let me get you a drink You'll rarely you it's rare, but you hear it. Uh, there's a girl I hang out with I walk in she says sit down Let me get you something to drink. It's a good thing. Um Had a girlfriend. I always said I would sometimes say hey, you're a great guy. That's a good thing. She says that she could be an uber Had a girlfriend once every time she talked to me. She'd say hello handsome I mean these are these are things that women will say I'm not going to do that, you know And then the other thing they say is hey, when can you come see me?  She's like, hey, when can you come hang out? That's when you have a keeper. So if you've got to pick one do that um In conclusion I guess you got to figure out what you want out of life You know you figure out if you want to take that typical career path I'm going to go to school. I'm going to get married or I'm going to go to school.  I want to find a nice girl.  Do you want one woman? When do you when do you think you want to have kids think about that stuff?  She has hers. So you got to figure out what you want You got to read lots of books just say books on personal development Talk to guys who are older and wiser. You look at somebody who's successful in business that you want to talk to Look at a guy that's successful woman.  It's it's not the second-class citizen, but You know if you if you know if you're a guy you've got the you've got an advantage.  Oh, excuse me.  All right, so um Yeah, I'm not the first guy and along with my guys to tell you that our society is feminized western culture kind of feminizes men Um, a lot of us have done that you can't attack feminism because it really doesn't do you any good The the good fight is personal change You've got to reclaim the ground that you were born to hold it is not an american ideal being born a man being having a birth right is not Is not an american culture ideal. That's an old ideal in a lot of countries still have this It's not it's not fair. Maybe not fair to women, but life's not fair. Um But you've got to reclaim your birth right. You're born a man Um, you got to pursue interchange your identity.  It's a good thing. You're horny.   You got to open the door You've got to that there's nothing wrong with that but the idea is that You're holding somebody else on a pedestal.  You have a right to be on the pedestal um Don't take the feminist party line From your ex-girlfriend your ex-wife um About how you should behave.   You know, you got to be the one You got to make that decision that you're going to make the change um But and and I think the cool thing is that you know found this last night with this girl is um She was paying for the bill, but she handed me the menu She goes, I really like it when a guy orders for me You can decide what I'm going to eat. She's like, it's really cool. She's like, hey, I like strong men And I'm like, oh, hey, you know, that's really cool. So You have to decide That that's okay To be like that to be strong because when anthony does stuff like this you come to these conventions And you read books even if you read stuff in the pickup community that changes your paradigm And you think about new things you read a new book you go somewhere and your mind is changing That's the kind of personal change that you need to have So you guys, you know the the whole world's in front of you. It's kind of like your oyster You're going to be like the top 3% How many other guys in the country right now are in a conference or in a convention on a sunday morning Trying to become better guys stronger guys, you know It's so you guys can be the top 3% you don't have to take that traditional path That's all I have. I don't have time for q and a or i'll stick around if we don't Okay Hey, thanks for your time.


Aaron, it's a bound to happen over 162, but what stands out to you about the three game losing streak, if anything? A double header in the middle of the grind, where we got held down a little offensively. And then a weird night tonight, where Garrett was really, for the most part, dominant, except that string there for five to seven minutes in that one inning, where we got to look at it and see, because they put some good swings on it when he still really had his stuff going, I felt like. And then, obviously, he sailed from there. I mean, I thought he was really sharp. I thought the stuff was outstanding, really dominated there through the eighth inning. But just a weird night that they were able to ding them like that. The one mistake after that inning, that it made the mistake up to Arius, who's trying to go down the way, I think, and left it up. And that's a ball he can handle up there, up and out. And he put it in the seat. So just a little bit of a weird one tonight.