Good afternoon and welcome back This is the concluding face-to-face interaction session for this course Of course the course as you know will continue up to 12th of November and there'll be material that will be released next week and so on I'm here personally to say a few things on this occasion of the closure First of all, I would like to compliment all the students for sparing their time I have personally interacted with several students in Some 20 remote centers as I mentioned in the morning I'll be visiting indoor and I'll be visiting at least two or three remote centers and interacting with these students But the feedback has been that all students find this course very meaningful In this context, I would like to advise you that we will be conducting a common survey for both the courses This survey will be released next week along with the other material While the qualification for certification has been stipulated as Getting so many marks, etc. The survey has no marks, but it is obligatory. That means every student must submit that survey Please note that such surveys tell us a whole lot of things about you about the course and Such survey feedback permits us to take corrective actions Please note that the survey will be conducted exactly the way we conduct our feedback in IIT Bombay for the courses that we teach So all surveys are anonymous. That means who said what is not known to us However, our system does record whether somebody has submitted the survey or not So we will know those who have not submitted the survey and as I said, they may not be qualified to get a certificate at the end But it is not the certificate. It is the value that you bring back to us through your feedback Which is very very critical. So please give that survey along with doing other things The second thing I would like to mention is that the feedback that I have already received from many people Particularly from students of other colleges, which are not remote centers They also want to participate and benefit from this program. So while we will run the Financial literacy course next semester along with the technical skills for solving large problems These will be two courses of four weeks each four to five weeks each but simultaneously We will be conducting a repeat of the combination of these course which will be calling Soft skills and introduction to workplace communication. This will be a composite course for about six weeks This will not be a free course. Of course, there'll be a fees will announce the fees There is a feedback question on that. We'll like to find out what students believe is reasonable But we would like to open it up to a larger number of remote centers. We'll be starting that registration process We have so many requests. We will probably Restricted to about 5,000 colleges. Not all colleges will have these interactive facility The interactive facilities would be limited to about 200 to 250 colleges at a time and we might have different slots But we believe that this course brings value to these students which enables these students to become Better prepared for their future life. I have already thanked all of you because this was a pilot program J.P. Morgan Colleagues have helped us but primarily the course was Coordinated and moderated in IIT Bombay by our faculty colleagues and The team led by professor Parthas had he has done an excellent job So I would like to take this opportunity to thank him profusely and his colleagues and We expect you to continue helping us in the subsequent editions of the program as well I Must also thank the workshop coordinator. So the teachers nominated by the institutions They had to go an extra mile because in addition to their normal teaching load. They had to participate in the activities Let me assure them that we are as grateful to them as we are to the other faculty colleagues here And in fact, they will have more targeted and defined work in the subsequent editions of this program So in conclusion, I would like to thank one and all for active participation Although this is the last interactive session Please note that this is not the closure of the course. The course will close in its due course, which is on 12th of November Please ensure that you give the quizzes in time. Please ensure that you go through the online material in time Just as online activity is not a substitute for face-to-face interaction similarly the face-to-face interaction or Individual and group activities in the college are not a substitute for studying the material properly and Going through the short video lectures or learning dialogues as we call them Please do both Enjoy the course and be better prepared for the future. Thank you so much. I'll hand over to Professor Parshatina So while Professor Fartak is here, I would like to just say one or two things So firstly, I would like round of applause for Professor Fartak and the entire team here who have put in enormous efforts weekdays week weekends day times night time because they had to work With clockwork precision to ensure that all the material reaches you as per the deadline every Tuesday at 12 o'clock the material is up there. I don't think there was ever a lapse So they've put in a lot of effort. So my team this the faculty the team technical team here Professor Fartak for offering this course. I would like to thank all of them I would also like you all to give a round of applause to yourselves also because You need to be appreciated for taking this first step You know the outcomes will come but it is only if you put in the effort that You will reach those goals So the fact that so many thousands of you have chosen to enroll for this course and have Seen the videos given the quizzes read the material and then turned up every two weeks to ask questions That really motivates us as faculty we want nothing more than students who You know who who are interested in what we have to teach and we were very happy when the first-ever Question the comment in the earlier session the student from Sholapur said that they have a lot of respect for us You know, we don't need anything more Okay, so thank you very much. So we will now get to the concluding session of this workplace communication. Thank you So, this is our concluding session once again to remind you this is the last face-to-face session But this is not the conclusion of this workplace communication course So the last module will be released next week on Tuesday, which is email communication by professor Varsha Abte Who has in fact been teaching this module for our own students. She is in fact also the head of our computer center here So she has some very interesting stuff to share with you through her videos Now what we plan to do is to have a short session Where we want your comments on feedback on this workplace communication course as a whole that is all the modules taken together non-verbal communication the gender and diversity issues workplace integrity The activities on meetings and professional conduct all of these together We would like to have your feedback on the three things that I meant that you see on the screen One is what is your own takeaway? That is what is it that you feel you have learned which you did not know before So if you can give us some feedback on that, it will help us to improve these courses Secondly, if you have any CRIPS. So CRIPS is a popular term used in IIT. This is if you have any Complaints to offer so if you feel that something was not done properly So the technical stuff will take care of but about the content and the delivery If you feel that there was some topics that were not covered or something that were not clear or something were too short Or we did not explain some things properly. So, please let us know Okay, if you have any CRIPS about the way in which this course was conducted and thirdly any suggestions that you may have Okay, any suggestions for improving this course in terms of new topics or The way in which we explain the examples the activities the quizzes and so on please let us know So the take away is the CRIPS and the suggestions So we will be making this a short session for about half an hour or less So if any of you have any Feedback to give on these three points, please let us know Okay IRCM welcome back My name is Gaurav Pandey My question is like being an executive in a profession like I have a fear of losing the job Or I have a fear of not achieving the desired target by the company So how can I overcome this fear? Okay, so thank you. Yeah, thank you. That's a very good question because All of us have this feeling of nervousness Especially at the beginning of a job Okay, and We all come with certain qualifications and We've been selected to work in a company because we've gone through a tough selection process where your ability has been tested And you have been found to have certain qualities and merit because of which you've been selected So but then when you actually join the job, you find that the pressures are very high You find that you have to do a lot of learning You find that what you have learnt in your education is not always Appropriate for performing the job So two or three things you need to remember One always remind yourself that you are selected in a company because you're good Okay, so have confidence in yourself So even when you find that something is tough, something is not easy That there are some things you're not able to do Remind yourself that you have the ability Okay, that's what I did 25 years ago when I finished my PhD My first job was with an international UN organization It was not easy for me Okay, there were a lot of things I had to learn I had to learn GIS which I had never done before Okay, I learned it by myself So a lot of things I had to learn by myself But I was told that I was selected over several other people who were also interviewed for the job So I firstly felt that I had to stand up to that reputation that I had Which I showed during the selection process Secondly, I had certain qualifications with me I had to make use of that So I made sure that even though I was scared I didn't know certain things I made it a point to learn to work day and night So that I could fulfil those obligations The second thing is learning on the job is also an important thing So you use your own abilities when you go to work But beyond that, it's very important that you are constantly learning on the job So you cannot say that this is not something I don't know And therefore I will not do this job That will not work in any organization today If you don't know something, you have to learn So be prepared to learn If you do these things, then it is almost difficult for an employer to lose you But if you still fear that there is a chance that you will lose your job That you will not be able to perform up to the expectations The best thing is to go and talk to some seniors Because many organizations these days tend to appoint a mentor Who is a senior for junior staff members Go and talk to them, tell them these are your fears How best can I overcome these? So once you or you can speak to an HR person in your company And they will advise you on what can be done Thank you for asking that question So suppose I have an idea and I have found that idea in a meeting And that person has taken that idea and showed up that this is my idea He has found my idea So in that situation what should I do? So this is something that happens And I have had some students also talking to me about this When they were working in a company before joining IIT So it is always very important that you ensure That whatever your contribution is to a particular idea Or an innovation or a technology is acknowledged Because these days we all take copyrights and intellectual property rights very seriously Everybody needs to be acknowledged for the work they do for the ideas they come up with So if somebody steals your idea or does not acknowledge your own contribution You need to make sure it is brought up with higher functionary So if some higher authorities do not listen to you Take it up with others, take it up at a still higher level Maybe with the board of the company Or talk to other colleagues and make a joint representation One of the things you need to make sure is that Whenever you have an idea and you float it to the higher authorities Make sure there is a trace, there is a record So you can send it by email for example Do not just give it orally Because then later on you can claim that this is the date on which that idea was given Or give it on a piece of paper and get an acknowledgement for it So making sure that there is a paper trial or an electronic trial for an idea Ensures that nobody can steal your idea or even if they do You can file a claim for it and ensure that you fight for your rights So what I would like to request also again is that This is for the entire workplace communication course So you need not restrict your questions only to professional conduct I would like you to give general feedback Like I mentioned at the beginning General feedback on what you have taken away from this course If you have any specific comments or suggestions or complaints Please let me know If you want to include some topics or elaborate, clarify some topics Please let us know Or if you feel something has not been dealt with properly Please let us know So we would like to have feedback for the entire workplace communication course Okay, K S Rangaswamy You have been giving us a lot of questions today Thank you for all those questions via chat So K S Rangaswamy is saying that the workplace and soft skill training Gave us a better transition from college to corporate And we thank the entire team for the great effort Karthik Subramaniam I am assuming that he is the coordinator Thank you very much for acknowledging your efforts And we wish your students all the best in transitioning from college To a job in the corporate sector School of management sciences Sir, first of all I want to thank you for this nice workshop College to corporate Sir, our participants are doing so many things Regarding the assignments and quiz And we are helping them to have a good score In this college to corporate program Let me give the mic to the student So that you also can have a feedback of this course Thank you Yes, my name is Himanshu Singh And I am highly thankful for the certification course You have provided it to us We have learned a lot from other syllabus And completed the quiz There are so many tasks And also I have performed so many practicals Related to the topics you have provided in the quiz So is there any suggestion that you have Do you think we should be able to improve in some area? Anyone else? Okay, I think we will move to another center Thank you for the appreciation Thank you sir, thank you for giving us opportunity And we have learned a lot Related to Swarovski from Rutgers Communication So these are all the new things for us I am very, very helpful to your transition from college to corporate Thank you sir Thank you Thank you for providing this course It was very useful for us And the students we were pre final years And so it was very useful for us To appear for forthcoming placement sessions And the presentations provided by various presenters were so useful And it was valuable for us And thank you for providing this course And we are expecting this course in the near future Thank you sir Thank you, we are very happy that this was useful for you So our whole objective was to provide you these courses Right before your placement So that, you know, this transition from college to corporate Becomes as smooth as possible for all of you And we would like to wish all of you the best All the best for the coming placements So I do not see any specific feedback or comments From any of the centers So I think we will... Yeah, there are some three colleges Valchand, can we go to Valchand? I am Tandon Jain So my question is that If we are working in an organization And we are given a job by our superior Which is a monodonist job and will not help us Or we cannot flourish through that Like going to a certain place or attending something Or do something, something So that gives a kind of frustration And which builds on So how to cope up with that kind of frustration So I can understand this because Not all jobs are exciting all the time A lot of the work is often monotonous So even my own director tells me this When I say that I do not have time for doing More interesting things he says But you do have to do a lot of clerical work also So a lot of work is exciting in the long term But in the short term many of us have to do This kind of monotonous work Work which is not really very exciting So there are two responses that I would like to give you One is any job that you do You will have to learn to cope with Some of the very regular routine monotonous things That are attached to a particular work Even if you are a rocket scientist There is still a lot of nut and bolt job That you have to do, it is not exciting Though there is a lot of high science also So one is getting used to that Second is if you feel that you have a lot of ideas There is a lot more interesting stuff you do You can do but you are not being given an opportunity So go up to the team leaders And tell them that you are capable of doing this That you would like to do something more interesting More useful So usually it is because team supervisors Leaders are so busy they have too many tasks Sometimes they do not even realize The capabilities of the staff And how they can make the job more interesting So try and speak to your supervisors and leaders And ask them to give you more exciting Interesting innovative jobs But if that is still the case Where certain organizations have work Which is completely monotonous There is very little exciting interesting stuff to do Then it is better you find an organization Where you have a better fit Because different people have different expectations From the job So there is this Salman Khan movie called kick Where they want to get a kick out of everything That is also very dangerous thing To try and get a kick to live your life like that But it is also very important that You keep yourself motivated For which you need to get a kick out of things So try to find an optimum balance Where an organization will give you those opportunities But if you expect that Everything that you do will not be The monotonous will be exciting Then that is not possible You have to learn to cope with the monotonousness Of certain jobs also Thanks for asking that question Thank you sir Sir I would like to thank you And your team on behalf of a college It was very useful for the workplace That we got the lessons Even in fact now some days back Infosys has had come So our seniors have managed very well So thank you very much And we are seeing much videos and interactions From you as soon as possible Thank you for that appreciation And we are very happy that Whatever we are offering you is useful Thank you sir Thank you very much MGM's College of Engineering Nanded Good evening sir This is Shiv Prasad Of course coordinator of workplace communication 112 Thank you for the efforts that you have taken For conducting this course Long back since two months We will be doing the assignments Solving the quizzes, attending your sessions And all It has been seen that a lot of efforts That you put in behind this Into Happened this kind of activity Thank you for this But the one thing That we have realized and I think That is the genuine part that I should share With if I am not sharing I will be Failing in my duty While attending the face to face Sessions The students Loads concentration in attending In focusing on the screen This is especially when When you are interacting with the other Other remote centers The students here lose the Concentration What could be the reason behind it Thank you Thank you for that question In fact this is the reason For having this face to face Interaction in fact we were just talking about it During the break because A lot of times when a course is Completely online Students do tend to lose focus Do tend to lose concentration Which is why we try and keep the video Length to about 10 to 15 minutes To make it difficult So we feel that through this interaction There will be some personal touch Where we are actually interacting With specific students and colleges Now We have achieved one step here Where we are able to reach out to Some colleges because it is not possible For us to reach out to all 250-300 Colleges But then when we are talking to One particular college So the other students tend to switch off Being directly involved They are not being directly addressed So this is where The motivation has to Come from the students themselves That what we are trying to say Even though I may be responding to a student From another place From another centre it is of relevance to them The reason Why we are broadcasting it Not only to all the centres But also through YouTube is that we feel That these questions are of a general Interest to students beyond the person Who is asking it So that is something that we have to Tell the students that You may have a very specific question To which you want an answer But sometime in the future The question raised by other students Also will be faced by all of us So once they realize that They will start paying more attention To the questions and responses of other Centres also So as co-ordinators and teachers You press this upon students One of 25 students registered If you look behind me there are 4 students Attending to the end of the day And I was asking early morning It is why that you are not attending the session Because when they were registered We made the compulsory that you should register For the program because this is very useful For you getting placement and all other things But When they are not attending I was asking them So almost all they have Told the same answer They are not able to concentrate I mean this is I do not know how to Work on that but this is The thing this is what the feedback Which I would like to give to you So what I would suggest is Because this is a serious issue And we will take it up for discussion All these students Those who are present and those who are absent Please ask them to give this feedback In the survey form So earlier professor Fatak mentioned that All students it is compulsory to fill Of the survey form This particular feedback that they are not able to concentrate On the screen please ask them to mention it And we will discuss and see if we can come up With a solution to this One more thing that we realized Is when you are talking from your end Right and the speaker is enthusiastic To speak the people are concentrating But when you are communicating with the other Centers students lose the interest I am sorry to say that This is what this is what has happened No no I understand your problem I do not have an immediate solution But we will definitely discuss it Exactly but the efforts And the kind of videos that you have And the kind of quizzes that you are taking That is absolutely commendable A lot of efforts that you have put Thank you very much This is what we work for D.K.D Sir the care for my college D.K.D I want to Thank you for the Workplace that you are conducting And I also The videos that you Uploaded on The website That are very much helpful for us Because these small things Also are considering that They are not considering We are leaving that outside So we will neglect it But they are very much important To us It is very much good for it From small Terms and villages Students are also getting To be new Sir I have one suggestion sir The videos that You have uploaded Should be made available For DW Because the link is not set Sorry I did not get you You said the videos need to be uploaded where On the website We see that video Sir You only Give the link So we can download it They want to download the videos I think that will be difficult Because you know There are a lot of A lot of analytics But also legal issues, copyright issues So You can register And view the videos on the I think they can do it Even after the course is over You can do it even after the course is over Any time you want you can go and View these videos But download I think will be a problem Because of various other Technical and legal issues But the effect of moving pictures Is very much helpful For Tumai Okay So thank you for the comments Especially you know the point About all the small things because that has been Our effort also to identify All the big and small issues That students are likely to face And then incorporate them in the course So if you have any further Points that you would like us to include please Please let us know through the feedback Thank you Sir I want to share the feedback Of this program sir Particularly sir I want to I want to salute and Thank you to you from With the behalf of my college And my colleagues That you have provided us A college to corporate program Which help us To take Knowledge which is Which doesn't teach us In our classroom Means Knowledge which you have provided us By this college to corporate program We could Not learn from our classroom Means it is Observed by me that If I do not attend This college to corporate program So I would not Be able to know such a thing Means many of doubt In classroom like Assignment questions before Before second interaction I have also One question to you About assignment Given me Optimizable solution That what should I do That time of assignment I have get deadline So I thought that many Of the solutions Means many of the programs Which I was facing in my classroom In my mind Personally has a Sold by this college to corporate programs Like college Communication and some Skills Videos And the information Which you have provided to us Okay, thank you Thank you In fact That's our objective also That it's not just used for Situation where students Get into the corporate sector But it should be used in larger context also So I am glad you are able to In fact Many of us the faculty and the staff Here we always think that You people are more lucky because we never got to Attend a course like this So we have to struggle through all of these We have to learn these things on the job So you are I am glad that you people are having an Opportunity to have a course like this Which sort of fast tracks you When you move to the corporate sector Or to a job in the professions Okay, so thank you Good afternoon sir I am Arun Kumar Verma Sir, this is my solution We must increase the number of questions Because my lots of friends Perform the quiz Or complete the quiz in the last day If you increase the number of questions They will concentrate on the whole content Material Most of my friends complete No-treater material just go with the Questions So we must increase the difficulty level Okay, thank you See the Point about the quizzes is that it is not To really Get you high marks Or to test your abilities It is just to make sure that you see the Videos and recall the Important contents but we take your point That We do need to increase the number of questions And difficulty levels however We have received the opposite kind of feedback Also that some people feel That Since they are doing this modules Along with their existing courses Having more questions will make it difficult But I think we have to strike an optimal level So we will take your feedback And see if we can give additional Non-mandatory quizzes Which can be made more difficult And also more questions For those students who are more serious About learning, thank you Sir, my name is Ankitri Parthi Sir, my question is about Workplace communication Sir, my question is As we learn so many technologies And languages And we get job In companies So at any instant if we get Any task or if we get any project Which follows Technology with We are not familiar with So what should we do Should we ask the superior To give some time Should we quit it That is a good question Because any organization you join Particularly these days This would not be the case 20 or 30 years ago So today's organization is constantly evolving Technology is constantly evolving All the time new things are coming up So it is very important we keep Up to date With these Technologies as well as new techniques New rules and regulations It could be new ways of doing something New kinds of forms Accounting systems and so on So usually what happens is When something new is introduced Companies provide Training to staff on that Particular issue Also if some students Candidates are selected to work in a company And they do not Have skills in a particular area Companies try to initially provide Some training or Some mentoring and guiding by seniors So despite all this If you still feel that You lack skills in something The best thing is to ask That you be provided training In this so that you can then Perform better The other thing is Today there are a lot of opportunities For learning things by yourself Online there is a lot of material So you can always Go online Or register yourself for online courses And try to learn So IIT Bombay itself Apart from these MOOCs courses We have something called NPTEL National program on technology Enable learning So under NPTEL We have courses on almost every topic From management to engineering To mathematics, science, social science Humanities all of these topics So the opportunities for learning Are immense But if you want some very specific skills Do ask the office people To help you out to acquire those skills And then so that you can Perform better Okay sir, thank you Good evening sir, I am Vakasna And I am working here as a trainer The question in my mind Is related to like If we are doing the effort But we are not getting as much As we should get So what to do then So that is something that happens That you put in a lot of effort But you do not get the credit So you need to analyze What is the reason for not getting credit Is it because you are not being appreciated Is it because you are not visible Is it because somebody Does not You know personally like you Or prefer your work style Or prefer somebody else So you need to try and find out Whether it is lack of communication Because sometimes People put in effort But it is not recognized because That person is not adequately Claiming credit for it So in the previous session Professor Zelle was saying That you need to acknowledge the help That somebody else has provided to you It is also equally important That you claim credit And recognition for what you do So not to push yourself But when it comes to meetings Where work is being discussed You should try to subtly Bring out Your own knowledge On a particular topic So do not push it by saying that I did this But you can always talk about The expertise, the skills And the knowledge that you have On a particular piece of work So gradually people will know That you are capable In a particular area Also offer your own help To others On areas you are comfortable with If somebody is struggling with some work If somebody does not know how to do it You try to help them out So these are ways in which gradually Your own contribution will get recognized There will be A few companies Where Some people will try to hog The limelight all the time Some people will not like to give credit to others So it is always very important in such cases To talk to your leaders or to talk to the HR people And say that You are not being appreciated enough So it is amazing how much open communication Will have because sometimes it is just Lack of communication So once you make it felt That you are not being appreciated or recognized Something will be done about it 90% of the time Very nice position Thank you Okay Thank you very much It is my turn to work with us Karthik Subramaniam If possible we will keep this in mind And maybe we can involve you Many other colleges Also have sent us Notes of appreciation through chat And we thank all of them So we would like to Work as more and salary Is less, what should be done Okay That is always a tough question feel that we are not being paid enough. No salary is enough for any of us, whatever we have paid. And these days we work in workplaces where all of us are always overworked. But salary does not go up even if you do more work. So, in the, see the things are little different in the private sector because in the public sector salaries are fixed. Whereas in the private sector you can always negotiate more depending on how much work you do. So, if you feel that you are overworked but not paid adequately, you can always negotiate, you can always claim that you are doing the work of two people, three people, you are doing the work of your leaders of your superiors and so on and therefore you should be paid. What usually happens in the private sector is that a person who does more work is noticed and that person moves up the ladder quite fast. In good companies with good work ethics, good human resource management, work is always appreciated and there is a, they are put on a track where they get promotions, they can get to higher levels, they are given leadership positions and so on. So, it depends on what kind of work you are doing. So, you need to ask yourself also whether I am just being given a lot of mundane work which is not meaningful to me, which is not contributing much to the organization where I do not get to learn much. So, that is not really useful for you and you should try to either get into a track in the organization where you are doing much better work or you move to a different organization. But if you are doing work which you like to do and you are being given additional responsibilities, usually it will get appreciated and you will be given higher positions with higher salaries in the private sector. But if it is still not happening, the best thing as I mentioned in the previous, in response to the previous question is to talk it over with your HR people and your leaders that this is what is happening, that you are not being appreciated for the work you are doing. Keep an open channel of communication saying that you deserve more in terms of the contribution you are making to your organization. But it is not always possible because in some organization the salaries tend to be quite fixed. So, we have gone through a very range of responses and we have also received some comments for feedback which we will take quite seriously and discuss it among our team and see how we can improve our modules and presentation in future courses. Do send us other feedback also, it does not all have to be positive. So, we are not so egoistic here. We do like some negative feedback because we want to constantly improve ourselves also. So, if there are some problems, technical problems, content related problems, please do let us know. And I would like to conclude the session here because today many students could not join us because they are in the middle of their exams, they are having other activities and many colleges are also having technical problems. So, do send us feedback on all the modules. Do make sure that you fill up the survey forms for feedback because these are taken quite seriously here and we do try to make improvements all the time. And we would like to conclude by saying that please maximize the opportunities for learning that you have got from these courses. We put in a lot of effort and we hope it has been very useful for you and we would like to wish you all the best for the upcoming placements and we hope you all get into good positions very soon. Thank you very much.


We continue today with Chapter 27, The Fear of Healing. Is healing frightening? To many, yes, for accusation is a bar to love, and damaged bodies are accusers. They stand firmly in the way of trust and peace, proclaiming that the frail can have no trust and that the damaged have no grounds for peace. Who has been injured by his brother and could love and trust him still? He has attacked and will attack again. Protect him not because your damaged body shows that you must be protected from him. To forgive may be an act of charity, but not his due. He may be pitied for his guilt, but not exonerated. And if you forgive him his transgressions, you but add to all the guilt that he has really earned. The unhealed cannot pardon, for they are the witnesses that pardon is unfair. They would retain the consequences of the guilt they overlook. Yet no one can forgive a sin that he believes is real. And what his consequences must be real, because what it has done is there to see. Forgiveness is not pity, which but seeks to pardon what it thinks to be the truth. Good cannot be returned for evil, for forgiveness does not first establish sin and then forgive it. Who can say and mean, my brother, you have injured me, and yet because I am the better of the two, I pardon you of my hurt. His pardon and your hurt cannot exist together. One denies the other and must make it false. To witness sin and yet forgive it is a paradox that reason cannot see. For it maintains what has been done to you deserves no pardon. And by giving it, you grant your brother mercy, but retain the proof he is not really innocent. The sick remain accusers. They cannot forgive their brothers and themselves as well. For no one in whom true forgiveness rests can suffer. He holds not the proof of sin before his brother's eyes, and thus he must have overlooked it and removed it from his own. Forgiveness cannot be for one and not the other. Who forgives is healed. And in his healing lies the proof that he has truly pardoned and retains no trace of condemnation, that he still would hold against himself or any living thing. Forgiveness is not real unless it brings a healing to your brother and yourself.  How else could he be guiltless? And how could his innocence be justified unless his sins have no effect to warrant guilt? Sins are beyond forgiveness just because they would entail effects that cannot be undone and overlooked entirely. And their undoing lies the proof that they are merely errors. Let yourself be healed that you may be forgiving, offering salvation to your brother and yourself. A broken body shows the mind has not been healed. A miracle of healing proves that separation is without effect. What you would prove to him, you will believe. The power of witness comes from your belief. And everything you say or do or think but testifies to what you teach to him, your body can be a means to teach that it has never suffered pain because of him. And in its healing can it offer him mute testimony of his innocence. It is this testimony that can speak with power greater than a thousand tongues, for here is his forgiveness proved to him. A miracle can offer nothing less to him than it has given unto you. So does your healing show your mind is healed and has forgiven what he did not do. And so is he convinced his innocence was never lost and healed along with you. Thus does the miracle undo all things the world attests can never be undone.  This call has power far beyond the weak and miserable cry of death and guilt. The ancient calling of the father to his son and of the son unto his own will yet be the last trumpet that the world will ever hear. Brother, there is no death. And this you learn when you but wish to show your brother that you had no hurt of him. He thinks your blood is on his hands and so he stands condemned. Yet it is given you to show him by your healing that his guilt is but the fabric of a senseless dream. How just are miracles for they bestow an equal gift of full deliverance from guilt upon your brother and yourself.  This is the law the miracle obeys that healing sees no specialness at all. It does not come from pity but from love and love would prove all suffering is but a vain imagining a foolish wish with no effects. Your health is a result of your desire to see your brother with no blood upon his hands nor guilt upon his heart made heavy with the proof of sin and what you wish is given you to see. The quote cost of your serenity is his. This is the quote price the Holy Spirit and the world interpret differently. The world perceives it as a statement of the quote fact that your salvation sacrifices his. The Holy Spirit knows your healing is the witness unto his and cannot be apart from his at all. As long as he consents to suffer you will be unhealed. It you can show him that his suffering is purposeless and holy without cause. Show him your healing and he will consent no more to suffer. For his innocence has been established in your sight and his and laughter will replace your size because God's son remembered that he is God's son who then fears healing. Only those to whom their brother's sacrifice and pain are seen to represent their own serenity. Their helplessness and weakness represent the grounds on which they justify his pain. The constant sting of guilt he suffers serves to prove that he is slave but they are free. The constant pain they suffer demonstrates that they are free because they hold him bound and sickness is desired to prevent a shift of balance in the sacrifice. How could the Holy Spirit be deterred in instant even less to reason with an argument for sickness such as this? And need your healing be delayed because you pause to listen to insanity? Correction is not your function. It belongs to one who knows of fairness not of guilt. If you assume corrections role you lose the function of forgiveness. No one can forgive until he learns correction is but to forgive and never to accuse. Alone you cannot see they are the same and therefore is correction not of you. Identity and function are the same and by your function do you know yourself and thus if you confuse your function with the function of another you must be confused about yourself and who you are. What is the separation but a wish to take God's function from him and deny that it is his? Yet if it is not his it is not yours for you must lose what you would take away. In a split mind identity must seem to be divided nor can anyone perceive a function unified which has conflicting purposes and different ends. Correction to a mind so split must be a way to punish sins you think are yours in someone else and thus does he become your victim not your brother different from you in that he is more guilty thus in need of your correction is the one more innocent than he. This splits his function off from yours and gives you both a different role and so you cannot be perceived as one and with a single function that would mean a shared identity with but one end. Correction you would do must separate because that is the function given it by you. When you perceive correction is the same as pardon then you also know the Holy Spirit's mind and yours are one and so your own identity is found yet must he work with what is given him and you allow him only half your mind and thus he represents the other half and seems to have a different purpose from the one you cherish and you think is yours. Thus does your function seem divided with a half in opposition to a half and these two halves appear to represent a split within a self perceived as two. Consider how this self perception must extend and do not overlook the fact that every thought extends because that is its purpose being what it really is. From an idea of self as two there comes a necessary view of function split between the two and what you would correct is only half the error which you think is all of it. Your brother sins become the central target for correction lest your errors and his own be seen as one. Yours are mistakes but his are sins and not the same as yours. His married punishment while yours in fairness should be overlooked. In this interpretation of correction your own mistakes you will not even see. The focus of correction has been placed outside yourself on one who cannot be a part of you while this perception lasts.  This is your brother, focus of your hate unworthy to be part of you and thus outside yourself the other half which is denied and only what is left without his presence is perceived as all of you. To this remaining half the Holy Spirit must represent the other half until you recognize it is the other half. And this he does by giving you and him a function that is one not different. Correction is the function given both but neither one alone and when it is fulfilled as shared it must correct mistakes in you and him. It cannot leave mistakes in one unhealed and set the other free. That is divided purpose which cannot be shared and so it cannot be the goal in which the Holy Spirit sees his own. And you can rest assured that he will not fulfill a function that he does not see and recognize as his. For only thus can he keep yours preserved intact despite your separate views of what your function is. If he upheld divided function you were lost indeed. His ability to see his goal divided and distinct for you and him preserves yourself from the awareness of a function not your own and thus is healing given you and him. Correction must be left to the one who knows correction and forgiveness are the same. With half a mind this is not understood. Leave then correction to the mind that is united. Functioning is one because it is not split in purpose and conceives a single function as its only one. Here is the function given it conceived to be its own and not apart from that its giver keeps because it has been shared. In his acceptance of this function lies the means whereby your mind is unified. His single purpose unifies the halves of you that you perceive as separate and each forgives the other that he may accept his other half as part of him. And from the workbook, Lesson 211 I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me. I am the Holy Son of God Himself in silence and in true humility. I seek God's glory to behold it in the Son whom He created as Myself. I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me.


Ukrainian defenders tracked down and attacked Russian grad MLRS. The Perun attack drone company of the 79th Separate Airborne Assault Brigade destroyed a Russian grad MLRS near the village of Radensk in the temporarily occupied part of the Kursan region. This multiple rocket launcher system systematically shelled civilian objects in Kursan. Whether used for reconnaissance, dropping bombs or self-exploding on impact drones save money and soldiers lives. They are also more precise than traditional artillery which is in short supply and can deliver outsized impacts such as real-time mapping of the battlefield, destroying tanks and ships, and bringing Russian advances to a halt. The advantages of drones can be fleeting however. Ukraine's Minister for Digital Transformation Mikhailov Fedorov says the government is committed to building a state-of-the-art army of drones and that its value to the war effort will be evident by the end of this year. The country has already trained more than 10,000 new drone pilots this year. The new stage of the war will soon begin. Fedorov promises. At present Ukraine is training thousands of drone pilots and ramping up its production of unmanned aircraft to bring an army of drones to the front lines of the counter-offensive against Russia.


So today we're gonna talk about 10 harsh truths about men and commitment that women learn way Too late in life. In fact, I'm not sure many women learn what I'm about to share with you today Now the title is 10 harsh truths But really these are the 10 top things needed for a successful relationship And I'm going to explore this from the perspective of the average male Okay, the average male not those men that are what I call the grower builders grower builders are those Well, let's pull out the chart the grower builders are those men that that if you look at by the way This chart is not a fact. It's merely an opinion But those grower builders are those men that seek long-term commitment. They are emotionally grown up They have their act together. They have good relationship skills I'm actually talking about the balance of men who what I call users and spenders, okay Now why I bring this up is I think it's important to recognize that this is true for men and women alike a lot of human beings in the dating marketplace Are rather dysfunctional in the way that they approach Relationships the way they engage in relationships the way they engage in their own lives So what I'm going to do is give you some context to Maybe make some shifts in perspective. I'm gonna repeat that maybe you'll make some shifts in perspective of how you view men How you view commitment and how you view relationships? You see many of us in midlife And when I say midlife I say it's after baby making years and before retirement So the vast majority of my audience is between 42 and 69 Although I have people that are older and I have people are younger but that bulk demographic is Midlife and what makes midlife unique is that the vast majority of people in midlife are that are single out in the dating marketplace are divorced and Divorce comes with it a very unique set of circumstances that many of my contemporaries just can't really probably Individualize the way someone like I can because I've been through alimony child support visitation rights Did I say family court? A rectile dysfunction assisted parents and assisted living facilities women who are going through hormonal changes in their lives You know the physical ailments that as we age and with that also many of you know, I lost a child I went through a major catastrophe in my professional life And this isn't the same for many of my contemporaries who are younger while they've had their own challenges in life I think midlife comes with it a set of circumstances that can't be Rationalized unless you've lived it you see many of us grew up with the fantasy of the Brady Bunch Does anyone remember the baby Brady Bunch see Brady Bunch? Well, you had a widower in the case of Mike Brady and Carol Brady. We don't know what's the story with her We later find out she's divorced in the movie series But somehow they magically made their relationship work By the way, think about it for a second. The kids loved each other There wasn't any going back and forth with a divorced parent or anything like that Carol didn't have to work. She had a built-in nanny with Alice They made it seem like you can just magically merge lives together so easily and for those that grew up for those of us That grew up in the 60s 70s and even 80s watching this show We might have this perception that doesn't really correlate to what it actually feels like to what What it takes to make a relationship work You know, I'm gonna go off subject for just a second. I was watching Louis Howe's podcast and he had on Matthew Hussie most recently And I have a great deal of respect for Matthew Hussie. I think he's one of the best in the business I really do And certainly he speaks to a younger demographic and what I was thinking about is here's he's a young man 37 years old He just met the uh, or he just got married to a woman probably 10 years younger Their whole life is forged Into going to be making babies, right and starting a family most likely. I mean, I don't know what their game plan is Why I thought about this is See for us, it's a whole different ball game You know, we've got complex issues For those of us in midlife. It is radically complex. We have children with Psychological issues. We have children that were rather emotionally abused by parents that were Dysfunctional in the way they handled their divorces We have, you know con contentious relationships with spouses We have past relationships. Many people have had multiple relationships one after another after another in midlife And most humans at midlife do very little personal development self-help and spiritual work So I I look at Matthew and I'm so happy that he's on this journey and thankfully he did a ton of work Before he got married. He did a ton of personal development self-help and spiritual work Most of us were raised in the 60s and 70s. We did no personal development work in our 20s and 30s I was rather clueless when I got married. I just followed the blueprint that was taught to me by my parents And that's it blueprint was and tell me if you can relate to this Go to college get a job meet someone get married buy a house start a family. That was the blueprint Your sole role is to be the provider protector. That's all I knew about being a husband And I paid the bills and did everything the way I was supposed to I took charge But I had no clue on how to be a husband And so what I'm about to share with you in a moment is a reflection of the cluelessness Most men have at midlife and the thing is most men and women aren't educated on what I'm about to share these 10 Factors for a relationship success and the truths that come along with it when it comes to men and commitment Okay So the first one and this is what's needed for a successful relationship is mutual attraction and sexual compatibility Mutual attraction and sexual compatibility I I put that as first because we oftentimes hyper focus on chemistry The need for chemistry relationship success the harsh truth about men In midlife is we oftentimes date with younger eyes Men and women alike. Do you know there's so much age discrimination? For those of us in midlife the average man and woman wants to date people 10 15 years younger than themselves because they think that They are they matter of fact most everybody thinks they're 10 or 15 younger They look 10 or 15 years younger than their actual age every so many people operate from that I was going to say delusion, but I'll call it a fantasy Oh, everybody tells me I look 10 or 15 years younger Well, the reality is your age is your age and what happens is men and women alike This is a harsh truth that they want to date younger people because they date with younger eyes And yet we need mutual attraction We need that sexual chemistry to ignite the relationship otherwise It usually falls flat on its face And the fact the harsh truth is most people are good lovers I mean Ejaculating isn't a problem for a lot of women. I know a lot of men don't satisfy them in the bedroom So they feel they compromise in this area. This is a radical truth That I don't think is ever really overly discussed okay, so First mutual attraction and sexual chemistry second the need for play entertainment and variety that's needed in a relationship But you see this play entertainment and variety is expected in the early stages Because there's this belief that romance equals relationship success the harsh truth is romance doesn't equal relationship success It's actually camouflage In fact, I continually say romance should be reserved for those that are in a relationship not as an entry point Into a relationship and I know it feels good to be romanced But let's face it High chemistry and romance leads to bad judgment. That's the truth Leads to bad judgment We oftentimes compromise the more important things That i'm about to share with you in a moment because we hyper focus on attraction and romance Now one thing I see sadly missing in many relationships is a level of teamwork with one another And the harsh truth about teamwork is it's difficult to manage you remember the brady bunch they blended live so easily By the way, we all for those of us in midlife myself included we come to the table with baggage Of course, we don't look at our children as baggage But the reality is is that's part of the luggage that comes with the dynamic and by the way, some of that luggage comes with men who have Disfunctional relationships with their daughters where their daughters twist their daddy around their finger and they can sabotage Every relationship that woman can have or that or every relationship he might have and by the way Women and their sons happens too And so where a lot of couples fail is in the teamwork level of building a relationship because they don't actually Contemplate the concept of blending lives with another human being by the way Is this any of this resonating with you if it is please post a comment below? I'd like to hear all your thoughts By the way, if you want to learn how to vet For the most important qualities in a relationship. You see this link right here Jonathan asley.com forward slash coaching. There's a link below to get a To to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you My area of expertise is discernment and when you become more discerning On these critical factors. I'm just talking about right now Your intuition will start driving the bus for you in the future. So remember I said teamwork Okay The next number four Shared vision a shared vision of your future See many of us at midlife come to the table very set in our ways And women will oftentimes because they're agreeable accommodate a man's vision And number one most men are clueless on a vision for a significant relationship But more importantly it's usually their way or the highway You know very few couples do a relationship where it can be co-created with one another Co-created with one another. This is a harsh truth So i'm just drawing attention to these are the obstacles. These are the challenges that we have to be aware of If we want to form a healthy happy relationship with someone is this resonating if it is yes Please hit that like button Okay, many of you know who follow my channel know I talk about attachment theory love attachment theory Do not familiar with these two books Attached by amir levine and rachel heller I highly recommend reading these books. Most men are clueless to understanding attachment theory And given that many men are known as avoidance oftentimes dismissive avoidance or fearful avoidance And they usually attract women who are anxious this budding heads is a harsh truth towards men in commitment because They haven't really done the introspective work To heal the childhood wounds and adult traumas That cause for relationship dysfunction And sadly many of you women learn this too late because you have these beautiful hearts You're so genuinely agreeable that you'll accept so much junk behavior From men who haven't done the true work to show up as partners. I am guilty of this I was a bad husband In my 20s and 30s. That's not the right word. I was an unconscious human being in many ways. I wasn't a very conscious Husband I just focused on that one thing. I was told provide and protect provide and protect provide and protect provide and protect Provide and protect. I had no idea how to be a loving human being I was never taught this In fact, I was in the silo of so hyper focused on work That I neglected so many things in my life and no wonder I got you know, I was a divorce was asked And for her I believe it was a blessing and it was a blessing for me too So coming back to attachment You oftentimes wonder why a man might choose a woman that seems so different than you Because she triggered his attachment wound a lot better than you triggered his Anyways, we can go I want you to read these books to get some understanding on this. Okay number six number six The ability to resolve conflict without being right the ability to resolve conflicts men are rather clueless because most human beings men and women alike most human beings Are so focused that whenever there's a disconnect with another person. I'm right and you're wrong. I'm right. You're wrong I'm right. You're wrong. I'm right. You're wrong. I'm by the way women do it to men men do it to women The ability to resolve conflict is probably one of the primary reasons why so many relationships don't succeed If you haven't read the book Marriage ain't for punks by Calvin Robertson. He's on the tv show married at first sight. He's uh, I think he's a pastor Um, and he this book he talks about conflict resolution. I think he's an amazing individual I would go follow him right away. I'll just show it to you one more time Calvin Robertson marriage ain't for punks. Someone write that in the chat box, please marriage ain't for punks The ability to and by the way most men are clueless and you women are just as equally clueless.  Many of you have duct tape over your mouth. You're afraid You're afraid I I'm gonna say this so the fact that you think you feel your feelings doesn't mean but many times you don't even Express your feelings to us. You're afraid because the minute you do he's gonna walk away and if you're not familiar with my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I invite you to read chapter one Speak your truth do it with kindness by the way a link below to get the books I recommend but chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person I had a client of mine today asked for some help on crafting a text message And she says isn't that gonna hurt his feelings and i'm like no, it's the truth If his feelings are hurt It's because he can't accept the truth Folks your fear around speaking up is the reason why many of you are not in happy Relationships and being able to resolve conflict is something that both men and women need to work on together number seven Gratitude and appreciation I see so few couples actually In genuine gratitude and appreciation for one other the common denominator of every happy couple Is gratitude and appreciation they actually walk around feeling like they got the better end of the deal And so i'm here to say without gratitude and appreciation men are rather clueless And expressing and you know what I don't want to give men a pass Well, they're access service people if you're familiar with the work of the five love languages He shows his love through access service bullshit We have to be showing Gratitude and appreciation through our words.  No we need I say we need it by words I think human beings need to hear the words I really appreciate you. I'm so grateful that you're in my life This book gives a pass to some degree and I'm calling it out number eight Number nine, excuse me. Oh wait one two three. I by the way my numbering series was off. Okay Um, no, I said no number eight. Excuse me A genuine desire to understand the other person and meet the other person's needs This is where men are scared. That's a harsh truth. They are so scared to actually But Jonathan men always want to be our heroes folks Having a guy open the the jam jar that's tight Yes, being your hero But very few men are clueless on how to be your hero when it comes to understanding your needs and meeting your needs Understanding your needs and meeting your needs. This is where so many harsh truth But yet when you are in relationship when two people Can understand their partner's needs and meet their needs That's a great chance for relationship success number nine trust And trust isn't just about fidelity trust is Do I look out for the other person's best interest? That's the best demonstration of trust And sometimes when a man ends a relationship that is actually looking out for the other person's best interest Believe it or not when a man ends a relationship that actually can be what's in your best interest and when a woman ends a relationship I genuinely believe that when Marie ended our relationship I think she was doing it for my best interest as well as her own best interest because if it's not right for one It's not right for both that is the that actually is a sign of love But many of you many of us feel so so hurt By someone else choosing to end it to lead and ending a relationship And i'm here to say that's the sometimes that's the most loving thing a person can do And it demonstrates trust because that means they have your best interest at heart and number 10 I call this individual sovereignty See we most relationships are transactional They're very codependent most relationships They lack a sense of individual sovereignty or one person is dependent upon the other and the other person is very selfish narcissistic Um, they only care about their own needs one of the harsh truths is that for a healthy relationship two sovereign beings need to come together And co-create it from an interdependent perspective and not a codependent perspective and many of you Are still operating from a very codependent way of working on a relationship because you haven't curated your own individual sovereignty It's one of the reasons why women give their power away to men so frequently And by the way men do the same thing too. This isn't even though it may seem like i'm bashing women I'm bashing men equally as much here because i'm bashing human beings in the sense.  Okay to have a hookup from time and time again Or at least i'm saying it's okay. You have to decide that for yourself Is any of this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is please hit that like button By the way, I want to hear your thoughts on this post a comment below I'd like to hear what you think about this video As always if you do find value in this, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos and if you want to connect with me Check out the links below the schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Check out my group. Um, check out my My instagram page check out my dating vows join my mailing list. Okay Ah All right Hey, it's time for q&a If you have a question write the word question in the chat box And then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor as like That's a picture of him right there with his brother collin He's my son who passed away a few years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the hockman process and insight institute just to name a few so And then if you want to join me on my hot seat, there's a link I just point or I'll just type in join the hot seat And you can be live with me right now And we can and we can answer your questions live and I promise to be tame. Okay So while we're waiting for questions Rebecca said It's about unconditional love accepting the good the bad ugly and knowing that supporting each other through thick and thin That brings peace together as this age all of that is hard to come by Yeah, human bare bonding is very complex human beings are dysfunctional So yes, that's true TS says I learned to take the duct tape off my mouth after escaping my marriage a a man I dated a while back took me Back took me expressing my different opinions personally and I got got very upset and angry It just meant there's a misalignment between the two of you All right. Well, we're oh here we go. Gigi's in the house Question in your opinion. Is it wrong to shave off a few years on your dating profile? It's the first thing I address on the phone call So it's kind of funny. I uh, there's a little bit of irony there So um about an hour before I was getting ready to shoot this live stream I got a message from a woman on a dating app That I was actually interested in so um and I I messaged her and um And she said hey listen. I want to be upfront with you. I didn't think you'd be interested in me I actually fudged on my dating profile by five years But I'm a public figure and I want you to know my actual age and I'm like this doesn't scare me away She's five years four years older than me. So it doesn't scare me away I think being upfront as soon as possible My most people most people at midlife fudge on their dating profiles any worse from two to 10 years on average So that's a very can that's very very very common now Many of you have a judgment as if that is lying.  I'm honest Okay, great.  Oh, by the way, I have a group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me. There's a link below To join the group. She says I love your podcast. Where do you get your information to do your podcast? you know a couple things so, um I I spend in I spend at least five hours day trying to Find the brass ring for successful relationships. This includes watching podcasts. This includes reading books And I and I I and I sometimes watch some of my contemporary stuff I mean I watch a lot of therapists. I watch a lot of variety of different things And then I come up with my own conclusions my own perceptions now sometimes I share the perceptions of others I do my best 97 of the time to give them credit when I've done that For example, this particular title I'd actually saw a similar title on one of my contemporaries as staphon speaks, but I didn't watch the video So I came up with my own it was actually I was working on the 10 things needed for a successful relationship And I thought I'd tweak it into this title So, uh, that's where I get my contact. Ashley. I'll get to you in a second. I see that you're on there So thank you for that All right. We have someone in the house Hi How's it going? Hey, I'm I'm doing this.  Oh wait, it's ashley, right? Ashley No one shows it that way Okay. All right. So what do you got for me young lady? well It's not really a question because Can I ask a favor? Can you make sure that the camera isn't moving? I'm sorry, sir Okay, perfect. Well, well we lost you Well, she lost me we'll come back to her in a second Anika's in the house How do I handle starting and stopping in the dating process?  Um, how do you handle it? You know, I'm gonna say that dating triggers the number one emotional health Moon most everybody is feeling and that is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable Okay, dating can trigger all that stuff. So one of the things is learning to love yourself When you genuinely really feel good about yourself Nobody can take away your power. So even if you have a short lived experience and I told this story back Day after New Year's where I communicated with a woman. We had a six hour telephone call And I mean it really thought we hit it off and then she called me in the next day Say she doesn't want to explore related dating with me and I had eight six hours invested And I'm like I went we had a beginning. We had a middle and we had an end basically my point and bringing this up is I was really excited. I was really excited and then I was disappointed. Okay And I've had a couple where you've gone on a few dates with someone you get really excited and disappointed You know learning to regulate our emotions learning to To navigate our feelings Is the real inner work. It's the real inner work of self-love You know, I've done a number I share with everybody publicly I do psilocybin journeys to go deeper into my psyche to go into my childhood wounds to go into my ancestral wounds to Really cultivate and become a better understanding of who I am as a person as a human being All of the personal development work is so I can even if I fall down for a moment I can get back up quickly and that's what you're invited to do Do the inner work So the process is more if you if you we operate from a pragmatic perspective And the process without attachment Now that's difficult to do even eight dates. You can get rather attached for someone But just remember you've fallen down hundreds and hundreds of time before in your life And you'll fall down another hundred times more and when I use the term fall down We can feel disappointed and just know we can get back up. Okay, on a cup great question. Thank you so much Ashley's back in the house Hi That's better. Okay. What do you got for me? well, okay I'm sorry to do more of the inner work For myself like you have talked about the whole process and things like that To get better on myself you see I'm learning now that I have the inner side of wounds that I need to heal for Before actually going out there Okay, you know, and so now I'm trying to find out Why am I working on myself? Can you come a little closer to the microphone? Can you come a little closer to the microphone? Okay, say what you said again about yourself Okay, I'm working now on myself in the inner child as you said That is something that you should really do And I'm learning now about a lot of things and Then that I would go see the ones that I was Take care of That was myself And now that we're doing And my inner child work is it okay to go out there? and you know feel around I mean, I'm ready and want The rest of my The question is The question is while I'm working on myself. Is it okay to be out there dating and meeting people and that sort of thing That's really the question so So here's an interesting thing Um What is relationship readiness, right? What what is that? What is that? You know? Um, and that can mean different things for different people I think so long as you don't have a charge From a past relationship in other words so long as a past relationship Doesn't cause you a charge or negativity Okay, that's a good place to be ready for a relationship I think when we can actually learn to appreciate the for those of us heterosexuals that can appreciate the opposite sex Rather than judge the opposite sex for being bad. That's another place of relationship readiness So long as you have the ground underneath you as solid what I mean to say is you're not in financial disarray You're not in financial disarray. You're not in emotional disarray if the ground underneath you is relatively solid And I think that's then then I would say that's a good place to begin with as far as dating now. Okay Here's the thing We can only do so much inner work by ourselves. Okay, we can only do so much inner work but the reality is is The reality is is we may never find a mate Okay, we may not find a mate. That's a reality There are going to be more single people than married people Over the age of 40 in the next I think that's already an existing number And I think that's only going to increase my point for bringing up this Ashley is there's this belief that If I marriage means happiness That's bullshit in my mind They say My personal thing of marriage. It's a piece of paper in some ways because you've got to But we're going with this there's but but Ashley where I'm going with this is there's this belief That married people are happier. Well, I I've been married So so where I'm going with this is The individual work you're going to constantly be doing that for the rest of your life now.  There's no doubt about it But hap so where I'm going with this is that Like look at the the time I was in my most significant relationship I was still doing a lot of personal development self-help and spiritual work because my relationship triggered me and when I got triggered I At first it's kind of like walking down the street and you see a deep hole in the sidewalk This is portion I know the holes in my sidewalk. I would fall in them and I would get out quickly You know your question. Yes You can be dating provided that I think you don't have a charge from your past relationship You have your act together. You don't dislike the opposite sex for those heterosexual You don't have judgment toward them and I think that puts you in a good place to actually potentially meet a good partner in your life I have one other question here Sure You go to those places where you know, you take stuff and you do the meditation you do the whole Is there a good place to do it for childhood wounds? Okay, so so Well for childhood wounds first you have to a couple things, you know for for our firester childhood wound is recognized that Any wound that our parents in I'm going to use the word inflicted, but I don't mean that in a violent sense. I mean unintentionally inflicted upon us I'm gonna say most So the deeper the wound the deeper the wound the more work that needs to be done So I'm in a place. I don't absolve it's I don't blame my parents For I don't need them intentionally hurting hurting me But I I've learned from it as myself as a parent You know what Yeah, so so let me just train of thought. Let me finish this train of thought So I'm here to say that um I I think doing meditation is a great resource I think somatic therapy as someone write this in the chat box som So mat a t i c somatic therapy is is really great. I think uh emotional release work. I think psilocybin journeys can uncover a lot of stuff and Cestrial trauma work. Oh my gosh. I've been lately doing ancestral trauma Now I also want to say that I'm almost nine years sober Okay, so so and if okay, so for those that Don't use um They're not hiding from their pain through alcohol or drugs. That's a good place to be in I would say I would say take care of your physical health You know make your get you get in the best physical shape you can be in You know, um go to go to a makeover person and get a complete makeover And get get new clothing and all this stuff puts you just these are just a number of different things You can do to put you on the path of attracting Good for you you lost over 40 pounds good for you and listen We've got we've got a dog barking. So it's getting a little bit tough on us Ashley, thank you so much for being on okay No problem. Have a great night Thank you you too I want to give props to ashley for being brave enough to come on And sharing with us, you know, she brought up a lot a really good question And that is can we be? Can we be doing our work and still date as I said before? I think when we don't have a charge from our last relationship meaning It's you know, we don't harbor any negativity We don't feel like we can think of them in a space of gratitude And I know for many of you that might be difficult But even if you're grateful that they ended the relationship That's something to be proud of or to to honor. Okay. I think when we actually When we can appreciate the opposite sex for those of us who are heterosexuals And certainly when we're in a good place in our lives Those are all great places to be to be exploring a relationship with another human being So ashley big hugs to you of appreciation for jumping on If you agreed with what I said, please hit that like button I really appreciate everyone's thoughts on what I shared with ashley. So once again, ashley big hugs and thanks a much Power of cheese says keep up the good work ashley. I agree. I mentioned somatic therapy. Yes. I agree See if there's any questions Gigi says it's becomes important on the platforms if your actual age is a cutoff to the next bracket You can miss people a year or two younger vice versa. I don't go by age, but stage of life. Gotcha Um pump pump pump pump pump if you have a question write the word question then post the question thereafter Um, tracy says you should go live with staphon speaks. You were both my favorites Uh, it'd be interesting to do a video with him I'd love to do a video with him or matthew hussey or any of those guys Partially the reason why I want to go on these guys videos because they oftentimes are not thinking about from us midlife folks I I again, I have a great deal respect for them But for us in midlife It is such a different ball game that we are dealing with so many more complex things so many more complex things that it makes it Um, it'd be interesting to share my perspective with these guys and hear what they have to say I'd wonder if they could actually um Anyway, just some thoughts I have so thanks so much Power of cheese says Jonathan has a question. I recently learned that our dna holds over seven generations of trauma What do you think? okay By the way, someone put this in the chat box. There is a show on netflix called another self another self It's a turkish. So and i'm turkish. So I really appreciate it. You can listen to it in english It's all about generational trauma Yes, I do believe that we in our dna our dna is code. Okay. It's just like my son is learning coding I did a video on breaking the code. We all have coding passed on From our ancestors. Okay another self on netflix By the way, this is a 2022 2023 series. I think 2022 And it's turkish. Okay, so um Yeah, I think we have probably generations of trauma. I'll probably I'll try to get someone on here to talk about generational trauma um, so let me give an example Well, let me give an example of trauma that's one removed from the moment you were born So my mother um while she was carrying me in her womb She had multiple miscarriages before I was born And so my suspicion and I only speculate this because I I don't know this as 100 fact I'm piecing together some bits of information from my sister and others is that my mother was incredibly traumatized during while she was uh pregnant with me And I want you to imagine all of her emotional garbage and baggage from her childhood And from her grandparents and her mother and her fear of loss was being imprinted on me as a child I was absorbing it all in the womb And it began writing. That's the beginning code of when I was when I was in the womb For those of us believe believe that life begins at some point in the room Uh, I don't know when it begins. I just know that it begins at some point in the womb um and so I oftentimes wonder if my anxious attachment style is because my mother was incredibly anxious A significant percentage of the time while I was in the womb. Okay, that's a trauma Now that's one removed because I I I'm talking about Uh, I wasn't born yet But what about the trauma she experienced growing up from her mother my grandmother and my grandfather who died young My mother had a trauma in childhood in her youth When my grandfather died and that imprinted on to me So yes, I do believe it can go back. I actually think Well, I think it'd go back seven generations. What about going all the way? Where did we come from? You know, where do we think about this? If we could go back and back and back and back to where did we all come from? What trauma was passed on millions of years ago to us It's just an interesting And by the way, it's so much fun to explore these thoughts nooks and crannies When you're on mushrooms. Oh my god. It's so much fun Today I talked to a facilitator that Facilitates journeys. So if you're in Los Angeles, I'll turn you on to them. Okay By the way, if you have uh any questions for me personally write the word personal question then post the question thereafter. Okay Mulee is in the house I have an eight month relationship. My boyfriend goes to me for five weeks because I asked Both of us need to delete our dating accounts He said he will think about it. Is there any change to have him back any change chance to have him back?  I'm a believer that monogamy and exclusivity begins.  I'm sorry. That's now by the way You know people can cheat through their social media accounts in other ways, but dating profiles.   So, um Um now getting him back. Why do you want him back? Why do you want a man back who ghost you for five weeks?  Okay, I am being rather judgmental.   I forgot to mention Our goal tonight is 50 dollars. So we're we need 30 more dollars to reach our goal. Thank you so much for the love I really appreciate that Stephanie By the way, I love the name Stephanie because I had a big crush on Stephanie powers growing up So I have a crush on the name Stephanie and Jennifer from heart to heart Does anyone remember that series so I'm sharing a little personal I'd love everybody's name don't get me wrong But I'm just saying I've always had a fondness for Stephanie powers from heart to heart So thank you so much for the love. I really appreciate June says muley it is not you the person is not out for a real relationship whatsoever I agree Sherry says muley By the way, I could be butchering your name You could be cheating Sally says Jonathan you cracked me up.  Thank you so much Julie wants to remind us that I agree Jonathan should not be keeping options open if they're having sex. Yes women except bad behavior from men That's just exactly stop it Stop doing it Md wants to remind me remind me. I loved heart to heart. Oh my god I love that tv show and I was 18 when that came out or roughly in that age No, I was younger than that. I always think I was 16. I love that show because I loved how they loved on each other Cynthia says today is national stephanie's day I loved how the two of them loved on each other and mind you it's a tv show But they said they did interviews with them and they said they had great camera chemistry They had great camera chemistry and I just I felt it. I just liked how they worked as a team each week I just love that show hmm Power of chi wants to go on and say Women accept and reward men for bad behavior. Yes, you reward men by giving you a vagina when they haven't earned it Stop it.  Okay a couple days. Absolutely now forgiveness You he had his dating profile on this whole time. Do you think he was faithful to her? I highly doubt it. I bet you if you could go back to his search history He was on the dating apps the whole time That's not something I okay, you can forgive a person but does not mean you should accept him back in your life. Okay I get it second chances, but the fact that listen if this was the first 30 days of dating I totally would you know accept that but this was eight months in that's just bullshit behavior in my opinion By the way folks, you can disagree with me on things I'm not saying I'm right about everything um Let's see what else playa playa All right, who else has a question for me? Post the word question or right. Hey, do you have a personal question of me? I don't mind spending the last few minutes as soon as I wrap up this video I've got a telephone call for someone I met on a dating app. We'll see She recognized me from my youtube channel. She said she recognized me so We'll hear what she has to say. I'm really curious Um, I've often thought most likely now. I'll probably meet somebody who recognizes me um So, um, I'm just sharing some personal things right now while I'm waiting for questions um So anyway All right, let's see what we got here from marty We build up our prospects to unreal Unreal levels if his dating profile is up. He is ghosting and he is ghosting you don't know him. Yes Like how like the fact that somebody that's a great point How well could you know someone if they still have their dating profile up? Um I think for some okay, I'm maybe okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna go down a different rabbit hole for a second I think for some men, they're so addicted to the attention That they swipe and swipe and swipe because they're addicted to the attention But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're healthy to be in relationship either But I think for some men, they're just addicted to the attention just a perception I have okay McCoy says I think if there was fallout a few days like two or three is okay for people to think after that amount of time It's not okay. Five weeks is a long time All right, rebecca says personal question. What's your favorite place in california? How long have you lived in the state? uh Okay, I've lived here my entire life. Well, no, that's not true when I was um Five years old. I lived in germany for a year. I went to kindergarten in where it was invented um kinder tante uh in germany uh, I've spent literally I live A mile and a half from where I grew up at from the age five on I love I love redondo beach I I look out of the ocean every morning every every this morning I looked out over the ocean the sun the moon was setting I love redondo beach. Some of my favorite places are santa barbara san diego Just to name a few but I love um, I love south bay Which is redondo beach hermosa beach, manhattan beach, palace birdies. That's I love that area So thank you so much for that personal question julie wants to go on and say yes addicted to the attention for sure um, I would agree Gigi says maybe explore the other 49 states You know, I've been to I've been to I've I've been to Trying to think where I haven't been to I haven't been to boston. I haven't been to main. I haven't been to vermont Um, I haven't been to I've been to new york I've been to north carolina south carolina florida alabama georgia most of the western states I've been skiing in some of the northern states. I've been to oregon. I've been to seattle So I've probably I've been to at least 40 different states or 35 different states Okay, uh jody is in the house I was texting with a man then we stopped for two weeks. I text them just recently and he texted back Sorry, who is this? He must have had a few women He well, what's your question? jody What's your question? Simply elisa says I've listened to this one before but What about the other video where he explains the relationship that build on lust and limerence that don't last By the way, this is all brand new content This this video is brand new content. This my notes here is all brand new So I don't know where you've listened to this before now There is truth that rings true in many videos, but I haven't talked about lust and limerence in this video That is true Saris says are do you think you're calmer now? No, you know, I think as I've gotten older I think I um I think the more aware I am of my emotions and feelings I think I'm less calmer because now I'm aware Well, no, that's not so in that awareness. I know how agitated I can get I can regulate my emotions faster No, that's true. I can regulate my emotions faster now than I have before so I would say I am probably calmer now than I have been in the I mean on my videos I'm a I'm all over the map because I just love I'm listen folks I get to rank I get to rant for one hour in these videos And I'm all over the map and I'm excited and I'm hyper and I'm agitated. I'm all those things so I'm Power achieve Personal question after my divorce I went to meditation classes to help me get through dry spells no sex while I healed What do you do to get through those dry spells friends with benefits? But um, um Actually, I have done that so Okay, so I'm being sincere here They're with absolute integrity with women I have some women who know that are fine with sex without any commitment. I'm not again I'm I'm I'm here to say you can do whatever you want in life However, what I truly drew during my dry spells and by the way, I was being a little tongue-in-cheek But I have done that in my past. Okay. I have done that um, what I do is Trying to think of the word dry spell I don't believe I have a dry spell I think I'm getting ready to get ready to get ready to get ready. So I don't view that as a dry spell per se but at the same time, um I'm very selective on whom I'd want to meet to go out on a date with so I'm very selective I do have female friends where I get to spend time with female friends and um, and we get to share male and female energy with one another, but um You know, I I don't I don't think I don't believe in dry spells I do believe in getting ready to get ready to get ready to get ready. So I'm working on myself constantly So I can be a better person today tomorrow the next day in the next day. Okay Jody finally came in with a question Do you think he is texting more than me? Okay, this comes back to your question earlier Um, most likely the answer is yes. He is most likely going back to your original question. Where was it? um You said I was was texting a man when he stopped for two weeks I text him recently and he texts back. Who is this? I must have Yeah, he must be talking to multiple women. That's but in other words, he didn't save you in his phone Now in my phone I can go back and there's women named sherry bumble Stephanie hinge Tammy Million match.com. I mean I all label where I met them. So every I've got so many last names that are bumble hinge match millionaire match Facebook So yes, he is most likely talking to multiple women Um, hey, you know what folks? I think this will be a great place to wrap up We talked about the 10 harsh truths about men and commitment really We're talking about what it takes to create a successful relationship and the harsh truths as to why this doesn't happen for men and women as well so Um, I've listened. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video. Please post a comment below I'd like to hear what you have to say as always if you find value in the video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell Well as well and if you want to schedule a discovery call with me, there's links below to connect with me directly Join my group called midlife love mastery get all the books. I recommend all listed below and Ciri rainbow says wishing you well on your phone date tonight. Yay. Well wish me luck. We'll see All right, everyone. Listen. Good luck on the date. Uh phone date. I appreciate that. All right, folks Um, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank marty and leaps uh and sherry and tie and Stephanie for that 20 super sticker and jody and seri and ashley really appreciate uh the love ashley for being on justin And mccoy and everyone big hugs. Thanks so much wishing you super duper