Yes, good morning. It's it's great to be here, especially good morning to all of those jet-lagged in the room I very much appreciate it that you're that you're here So what I would like to do over the next 15 minutes is to give a bit of a perspective of what we do or rather don't know About the past and more future evolution of see ice both in the Arctic and in the Antarctic And since I realized that Surprisingly not everybody in this room thinks that see us is the most fascinating thing in the world I thought I'd Have a talk that also has perspectives for for all the other things that we're looking in at here So it'll be a bit of a generic talk And just to get started Just three three pictures of how the Arctic used to look like how it looks like today and how it will look like possibly in the future So this is the Arctic Ocean and summer 1979 It's the first year for which where the continued satellite record started And you see that in this year in the beginning of the satellite record in some of the entire Arctic Ocean was covered by sea ice and then over the next decades that See eyes got smaller and smaller So this is a snapshot from September 2007 eight years ago And so over the past three decades We've roughly lost half the area of Arctic sea ice and the ice has also roughly thinned by 50% So if you think at early morning, but the math isn't too complicated if you have the area and you're half the thickness It turns out that over the past 30 years. We've lost roughly three quarters of Arctic sea ice volume in summer And if you say that we've lost three quarters of Arctic sea ice volume in summer over the past three decades Then it seems to be only question of time until the Arctic looks like that in summer An Arctic Ocean with barely any sea ice on it And for some reason people want to know when this happens And it's a classical problem of decay predictability Because it's not impossible that those two X's up there Are is a number that is on a decade of timescale? And so if you want to know when something happens in the climate system There's one thing to do of course you take the IPCC report you open it you look at it and you get the answer and here's the answer So if you took take the RCPA point five say seem a five CS simulations And we say that Arctic CS is roughly gone when summer CS area drops below one million square kilometer We can just look what models are saying and the models are giving us the definite answer that in RCPA point five Arctic summer see as will be gone at some point between 2005 and 2130 which is a very precise period But for some reason neither the public nor politicians nor scientists are very happy with this answer and they try to Narrow down this uncertainty range And the first thing I would like to do throughout Much of my talk now is actually to look at this question. Why is it so hard to narrow down? The period as to when Arctic sea ice is gone And then in the second part I will briefly touch upon some possible ways wasteful So why is it hard to figure out when CS is gone because there's a very standard method to figure out which of these models is good We can just compare model simulations to observations. So this is the observational record of Arctic sea ice evolution in summer We can take one model shown in blue here, which is a bad model of obviously because if you calculate a trend It's a slight positive trend. We can take another model which has a clear negative trend, which is much better We can say model 2 is obviously much better than model 1 Now the problem is there's also for example at Hawkins pointed out yesterday It's the same model So model 1 and model 2 is both our Max Planck Institute earth system model and simply internal decadal variability Makes this model simulate in one simulation and increase in Arctic sears over the past 30 years and in another simulation Evolution of Arctic sears that is similar to what has been observed So it's very hard to say which of these models is worse because it's the same model And for some sometimes I think we are all drawn to to believe models more that agree with observations by some some metric And so in order to clarify maybe in a bit more detail as to why this might be misleading Because I'm a I'm a very simple person sometimes So I took it die a six-sided die and I said let's assume that the real sea ice trend is a six Which it's just a definition and then I worked hard and produced a diamond Die model and I let it run three times. So it's a three ensemble member here I got a one into three and the five And I worked harder and harder because the mean didn't look right So I produced another die model which gave me a six a five and a seven and then I ran all my metrics over these Results and I figured out that this model is a bad model of a dice And this is a really good model because the mean agrees perfectly well with reality And so maybe the first take-home model which I take home message Which I would believe is obvious, but sometimes it maybe isn't the model the best agrees with observations is not necessarily the best model and To to emphasize this point one more Once more what I've done here is to just look at the trends Calculated from all the senior five models over the past 30 years So this is the trend in Arctic sea ice area in millions square kilometer per decade And each dot is a 30-year trend and I synthetically increase the ensemble size a bit by shifting the start and end dates By five years forward and backward relative to the satellite period To capture a bit more of the internal variability And so what you see here is that that the models have a huge spread in the trend of the past 30 years Decadal variability just makes basically any trend possible not quite But there's a huge uncertainty in what the real trend how the real trend should have looked like and So just looking at at plots like that where you see how large the internal variability of trends is It's quite straightforward to come to another very obvious conclusion met risk with large decadal variability I'm not helpful in evaluating free model simulations. I should have said on decadal time scales and Another thing that sometimes overlooked is also the fact well people say well It's a 30-year trend and 30 year captures climate somehow So there's this notion that if you do something over 30 years Internal variability is kind of gone, but the problem really said at the moment We are in a state of very rapidly changing background state and whenever that is the case 30 years often are not enough to rule out internal variability So another thing we could then do is to look at more specific metrics to figure out which of these models is good or bad One is shown here. It's a histogram of Arctic summer CS concentration So basically if you just look at the right hand bar here The right hand bar just shows how much of the CS and summer in a certain model Is be above 90% concentration in a model grid cell. So there's 90% more than 90% Open ice and less than 10% open water and some models have many grid cells with that high concentration ice Which are shown in red here and some models have very little of this very high concentration ice and summer which are shown in blue here And if you look at these models you you'll figure out quickly Well, that's a really good metric because half the models show the ice should be compacted should have lots of high concentrations Here's in summer. Where's the other half of the model says no, no, that's wrong Here's in summer is relatively low concentration on average So you can throw out half of those models by just comparing those models to observations And we have different observational records from satellite One is shown here. That's the bootstrap algorithm. One is shown here. That's the NASA team algorithm. So these two Final panels here. That's observational records And we don't know which of these is wrong, which is right So these are the observed CS concentration in summer. These are the models one And this observational uncertainty that we don't really know the CS concentration in summer has huge implications for predictions Here's just an example for a seasonal prediction. So what we did there We used our seasonal forecast system in this case. We initialized it in May So everything was spun up and the only difference between two simulations We did here was either using the NASA team CS concentration record or the bootstrap CS concentration record And then we left the model alone in May with these two different CS concentrate datasets And we let it run for four months And this then shows the difference in September sea surface temperature between these two simulations So three months after we had left the models alone in the Arctic They show a three Kelvin difference and sea surface temperature simply because of the uncertainty in CS concentration That we put into the models in May and so another obvious take-home message Observations are not the truth. Even though they're surprisingly often treated as such Observational uncertainty can actually be surprisingly large which again makes it very very hard to figure out What happens in reality because observations are not reality either now there are metrics where observations are Possibly stable or robust and if we combine it with reanalysis here's one example So the mean thickness of March sea ice which we here got from the observation of area divided by the Where we took the reanalyzed see as volume and divided it by see as area and that gives us a metric that many models Failed to match So again, we can say these are obviously bad more so we should throw them out if we look at the future evolution of sea ice Some models agree super well with this metric The problem with this metric is that some model use this metric to tune for So some of this agreement of some of those models is simply because the models aim to match the just this particular metric It's not that this model is particularly good. It just randomly happened that some of these models use March see as thickness as the tuning parameter While many other models don't do that And so another one model tuning really can mask missing physical realism And I think it's it's really crucial especially for the next six activities But also for the cable prediction studies How models were tuned so that we can understand which of these metrics we didn't match by chance But simply because we we tuned for them and then if we look at the cable predictions The one thing that we are all always interested in is of course the memory of the system We tried to figure out in a study that Stefan teacher Did when he was doing his PhD in our group Where we looked at the memory of that in the Arctic system that is controlled by sea ice itself So this is the CS of evolution in that was still seem up three in the a1b scenario And we just wanted to see how large is the memory of CS in such a Simulation and so what we did was to remove all sea ice In 1980 and then remove again in 2000 remove it again in 2020 and we were expecting if we remove all sea ice The ice will remain gone forever because the ice albedo feedback is very strong and we can make perfect decay to predictions Now here's what happened. We removed the ice in 1980 So we forced the model to have no ice anymore and after two three years the ice was just back where I wanted to be And that is because negative feedbacks especially in winter Where outgoing longer variation increases where thin ice grows very quickly? Simply reset the memory of Arctic sea ice very very quickly Which obviously is a shame if you want to do Forecasts and so negative feedbacks make it hard to beat Persistent forecasts if those negative feedbacks sort of reset your memory again and again So these were some of the issues we face when we try to understand how CS might evolve in the future But not all hope is lost. I hope There are certain things we can do to figure out when Arctic sea ice might be gone and One thing that is Getting more and more attention are those immersion constraints for example So those are shown here from a study 2009 My bow at all looked at the trend over the past whatever 30 years or so and then looked how much ice is Actually remaining over this 20 year period here And they find a relationship between those two and then you can just look what the real trend was and you get an estimate of What the future might look like? Now one issue with these kind of Estimates is of course that there are issues with them as well. I don't go into detail about them But that that for these forecasts to be robust. It's really important that the models Don't all give the same simulations And so a bit of model diversity is really crucial for getting these immersion constraints And so it's sometimes a bit worrying if you look at the huge list of seem at five seem at six models And you then go into detail and looking at the individual components That sometimes I think we have a false sense of how much diversity there really is in our climate model zoo Since individual components often there are only two or three around that basically everybody in the world is But to me the probably most promising way forward really is to understand things And I haven't talked much about Antarctic see eyes yet So Antarctic see eyes as I guess we all know is very slightly increasing over the past decades Some people say that it's a significant increase I do have some issues with this term significance because it assumes all sorts of Gaussian unrelated distributions if people do these kind of study So let's just say it's increasing and models don't capture this increase, but if you look at the time series here That's from our same five simulations. Well, there are periods where Antarctic see as is increasing their periods where Antarctic see as is decreasing maybe this is shown even better here, which is a Accumulative density function. We just did hundred a hundred member ensemble with the fully coupled MPI is MLR and these just shows How much percentage has a trend that is smaller than a certain number to be observed trend over the past decades and winter Is around here and around? 20% of our models show even larger increase of our simulations 80% show a smaller increase And that was basically the message I had in the beginning We can't really tell much about model quality just by looking at trends And so the thing we really need to do in order to understand if a model is good and understand Processes to understand why a model differs from from observations And so if we look into more detail, especially in the Antarctic, it's important to look at regional patterns We see that in the observations. We do have this large increase here in the Rossi I want to see Which we don't really see in our model simulations So something clearly is wrong even if we match the overall evolution, okay The regional patterns don't match at all and if we look into further detail and we look at the surface pressure patterns It turns out that in reality or at least in the real analysis the surface pressure in this Region here decreased quite strongly over the past decades And so we got more offshore winds here and these offshore winds just blew the ice out over the ocean And we didn't get this in other regions. And so because we do have this Asymmetry here we do get an overall net net increase Whereas in our simulation everything is super zonal symmetric. And so clearly the sea ice difference that we have Between model and reality are to a large degree Driven by the fact that we don't get the surface pressure right in our model And this then allows us to fix things to make things better to get improved seas evolution in our model and so To to come to the end. I think ways forward a model convergence is not necessarily desirable Since it might mask emergent constraints The other really important thing is that understand and devalue processes in metrics really will help us to to make progress and a lot of the studies that that we are seeing are just Diagnostic and they don't really understand or help us understanding things a Third thing maybe that I think will be helpful is to simply appreciate the fact that we can't answer certain questions Precisely we shouldn't make the impression to the public that we can't tell them when Arctic sea ice is gone And once we are honest and open about that it really takes a lot of pressure from us And now people think oh everything we do must be super policy relevant and I don't think that Not all our science must be directed policy relevant I think your city is really nothing to be ashamed of and I think we can be a bit more Corrective about getting that across possibly also to funding agency even though I appreciate that that will be very hard Okay, so conclusions the observational record is only one realization of an infinite number of possible trajectories and Tense agreement of a simulation Swiss observations does not necessarily mean that that simulation is particularly good Model evaluation and improvement in my opinion is most abruptly achieved through understanding for example understanding of key processes So I'm not even sure if we always need new model studies. We should really aim at understanding the ones that we have And finally I think communication in the direction between models and observations is key for success And that is fostered for example by this workshop, which I'm really really helpful Grateful for having us all here and I'm very grateful to the organizers and thank you all very much for your attention But thanks for an interesting talk I definitely agree with your third point there that we need to understand the process is much better But just on the kind of constraint issue I wanted if anybody's just done a simple constraint where you look at the amount of ice that we have now Because it looks to me like the ones that have the most eyes take longest to melt it. So is anybody tried that? Yes, there are a couple of studies For example by Francois Mastinet who looked in more detail as to if you have very little eyes now And in reality and in the model and it's more likely that that model will capture the real evolution because some models Just have absolutely excessive amounts of sea ice and they will not get it right what happens in the future I think the the thing that I just want to warn against is that doesn't say anything about the quality of the model I'm it just says that maybe those models will help us more to understand how the future will look like, but I Hi, so perhaps I should just say something a bit briefly about the IPCC assessment of CIS extent takes Arctic September CS extent The the the sub-selection of the models was based both on the trends and on the Mastinet study on the mean amount of ice and on the seasonal cycle and it took a huge amount of discussion amongst the various sea ice groups in different chapters to come to this Point at which we could sub-select Some of the IP some of the CMIC 5 models in order to make our assessment of projections and to me This was this was for me What one of the triumphs of my time in the IPCC that we managed to get one projection variable in the whole report? Where we sub-selected the the models so I Think it's right to be critical of that, but I think we also need to think how we can do that for other Variables to do you want to respond to that quickly? Yeah? Yeah, I think maybe we can take that in the discussion section It's just personally I'm not a very big fan of sub-selecting Models because I really think we don't understand well enough why they differ It's one thing to use emotion constraints and say this is a robust physical relationship between one metric and another But to say these models are good and those are bad. I do have some issues with that But we I'd be very happy to discuss that further in detail


This is The Big Picture, an official television report of the United States Army, produced for the armed forces and the American people. Now to show you part of The Big Picture, here is Master Sergeant Stuart Quain. To anyone who is around in those exciting days of World War I, when the victorious troops were coming home to parades up Fifth Avenue and Main Streets throughout the country, the name 42nd Rainbow Division. Rings a bell loud and clear. In World War II as well, the 42nd Division contributed to the victory in Europe, and nowadays the hallowed insignia of the Rainbow is worn by the crack 42nd Division of the New York National Guard. Our story today covers an exciting span of eventful years, as it looks up at the men of the Rainbow, the fighting 42nd Infantry Division. I had a long drive to make that day, but there was one stop I wanted to make first. It was my first visit to a monument in a small park in Garden City, Long Island, a suburb of New York City. The monument is dedicated to the men of the Rainbow, the 42nd Division of World War I. You see, this morning I was on my way to the New York National Guard Officer candidate school, and if all went well before too long, I'd be an officer in the 42nd Division. All of us in the 42nd know a lot about the history of our outfit, and why shouldn't we? We're proud of our record from the time the Division was formed in the late summer of 1917 at Camp Mills, Long Island. In the very shadow of the monument I'd come to visit. Camp Mills. Old Rainbow men had often told me of those early days. They'd come to those wind-battered tents on Long Island in August 1917 from all over the country. The Division was composed of crack National Guard units from 26 states and the District of Columbia. The many states of the Union, the many colors and shades of thought and points of view brought together here all inspired the name Rainbow Division. Across the Atlantic, the Allies were waiting anxiously as the men of the 42nd concluded their training. Then they were ready to set sail for over there. Through the gray mists that covered the Atlantic in the winter of 1917, the convoy plowed on toward Europe in a raging war. On the decks they sang hymns of prayer and songs of their country loudly, exuberantly, as if to emphasize the words of one of those songs, and we won't come back till it's over, over there. Off the ships and directly toward the front went the men of the Rainbow, covering a good deal of the way on foot. In those days when trucks were few and far between and all day's march was taken as a matter of course. Once in the assembly area at Rollampont, training was resumed with the assistance of French soldiers and officers who had already spent much time in frontline combat. A training course was set up in the use of the Stokes mortar. Grenade practice was emphasized and throughout the freezing winter of 17 and 18, final maneuvers were pushed hard. Then came the review before moving into the lines. The Rainbow men didn't know it then, but they were never to be pulled out of those front lines for an extended period until the war's end. In mid-February they were ordered into positions on the Lorraine Front at a place known as Lunaville. Now years later looking at the monument in the Long Island Park, the Valor displayed at Lunaville, Baccarat, Swain Champagne, so many other battles small and large. The Valor comes alive as if it were yesterday. In my mind's eye, I can almost see the quiet before a fight as the men took up their positions in the trenches. Waiting for orders to move forward into Nomad's land or to repel a German advance. The waiting sometimes went on for days and full alert had to be maintained night and day. Watch was kept for enemy gas or airplane attacks. Patrols scouted the enemy front and when they came in others went out. While a division headquarters at an old chateau, Chief of Staff Colonel Douglas MacArthur estimated the probable course of the fighting and made his recommendations to the commanding general. There was no such convenience as a chow home. Hot food was carried up to the lines and eaten by men who remained in position. Minutes in the front line seemed like hours at first and then gradually assumed normal proportion. After a while, waiting in the trenches seemed like a way of life. The men became used to the silence, the here required. Then suddenly the Germans would attack. Samuel, the tide of war swung gradually irresistibly from the defensive to the offensive. At Champagne Marne, units from the 42nd Division aided the French in completely repulsing the enemy attack. The lines of German prisoners were soon being escorted toward rear areas. They in Marne and San Miel, the 42nd went into the offensive moving forward despite heavy enemy resistance. The Germans were of course the chief obstacles but the swollen streams and hip-deep mud of a rampaging nature made each day's advance an exhausting effort. The word times of course when the men could relax a bit. Almost magically they'd appear from below and let the friendly warming sun play over them. They caught up on their mail and answered eager relatives who wanted to know how it was. It wasn't easy to tell them. They were the inevitable card games. Soldiers learned quickly who the sharks were and avoided them. In pocket-sized form the great book continued to be a source of spiritual strength. Pets were adopted. Meet the crow mascot of Company K, 167th Infantry. Sometimes when off duty the rainbow men would visit neighboring towns and watch the French at work or perhaps play a call on a family. Instead of the angry bellow of the big guns it was good to hear the happy sound of laughter. In France you make Bonomy good friends in all sorts of ways. Giving a young hitchhiker lift is one. On several occasions Secretary of War Newton Baker visited the 42nd. Coincidentally one of the young officers with a rainbow was Lieutenant Wilbur Brucker of the Ohio Regiment, later to be Secretary of the Army. Many rainbow men in future years to become nationally prominent distinguished themselves in combat. Among them was the decorated hero Major William better known as Wild Bill Donovan. But the devil's fortune that his war also snuffed out the lives of many men before they had a chance to carve out civilian careers. 2,950 rainbow division men were killed in combat during World War One and whenever they could the men of the rainbow paused to pay homage to their fallen comrades. A sadly familiar sight to the men of the 42nd a flag draped coffin and a burial in the warm black earth of France where chaplains like the famous father Duffy said the last rites. It is to departed heroes like these that this monument is dedicated to them and to the more fortunate who made it through all the fierce fighting till the armistice. Occupation duty sent the 42nd on the move into Germany. The march was difficult for both men and animals covering a distance of about 250 kilometers. But the rainbow moved on steadily in close knit and solid columns. Certainly the German kids were glad the war was over. Happily life was easier in the occupation mostly guard duty along the banks of the Rhine River. On March 16th 1919 the final big event before the departure from Europe the commander in chief of army forces in Europe general John J. Pershing made a formal review of the division at remark across the Atlantic they came their mission accomplished the enemy rock. They had helped make the world safer democracy and if it didn't work out that way it wasn't the rainbows for through their minds world vivid memories of a fighting the laughing moments and the sad ones. Then with a solemn vow never to forget their buddies living and dead who had shared the past they turned toward the future and the cheering welcoming beacons of home many years have passed now since the rainbow first came home from France hoping the 42nd had seen the last of the horrors of war a hope of course that didn't quite work out for in December of 1944 the ruins of Europe were witnessed to a new generation of rainbow the Germans had pulled out retreating toward the east leaving devastation in their hasty flight and on arrival it looked like the rainbow division had been sent over just to do the cleanup job like so much other army gossip it couldn't have been more wrong because shortly after their arrival the Germans struck back in the battle of the bulge following the German withdrawal the rainbow infantry helped stop the last German offensive in the west near Strasbourg. The post baptism of fire had been on the defensive now it was going to shift to the offensive in an advance it was not to stop until the division reached the border of Austria at the end of the war at 0645 on March 15th 1945 the rainbow attack began as the men of the 42nd smashed into the heart's mouth the area of the division advance was probably the most rugged of the entire front it was entirely wooded the mountains were high steep just walking through them on a hiking trip would be difficult enough the forest and mountains was an engineer's war as well as an infantry man engineers worked feverishly to clear roads of mines and haul away the hundreds of huge trees the retreating Germans had barricaded across every road and trail by March 21st the rainbow men had pierced the Siegfried line now the Germans were on the run and here was the opportunity to catch them day and night the big guns of the artillery hammered at the fleeing Germans on and on into German tank after tank and convoy after convoy roared through the German countryside as the rainbow man headed for Würzburg one of the oldest cities in southern Germany where the Germans were organizing a last ditch defense the division cleared the area and raced on towards Schweinfurt center of the Nazi ball bearing industry kill attacks first pounded Schweinfurt then the infantry moved into the city working warily clearing out hostile elements block by block it was a tough and exhausting grind it felt good once in a while to sit down against a pile of rubble and just take a breather rounded up in the city and its outskirts were 3 000 prisoners which made a total of 6 680 German soldiers captured by the rainbow since it left Würzburg during the same time the division cleared 100 square miles of Nazi territory and captured 50 towns and villages immediately after the capture of a community military government orders were posted and an all-out effort was made to get the life of the city going once more the parade of German towns continued from Nuremberg toward Munich the Nazis had fought a rare guard action briefly defending then retreating to the next hot in pursuit came the rainbow man they were now heading directly south from Munich for the last serious obstacle overcome the root of their advance headed directly toward the most famous of all German horror prisons the concentration camp of Dachau as the 42nd division liberated the prison but 33 000 inmates went wild with joy some yelled hysterically but most just smiled they knew and americans were to find the sorted proof here that thousands of men women and children had been systematically murdered they were weak and sick but alive and that was why they smiled citizens were busy hanging white flags from their windows as they on the move 42nd advanced into Munich birthplace of the Nazi party there was little organized resistance the general feeling was that the war was over so much the better the city itself was battered by bombs and the streets were choked by rubble the railroad yards were almost completely destroyed the station was only a rusted skeleton of twisted steel the first job of the rainbow men as they moved through the city was to restore some semblance of order in the center of the city was the beer cellar where hitler had organized the Nazi party in a sense the american units marching past the birthplace of the Nazi party represented the end to a grotesque tragic chapter in the history of the world the war was over a few days later not long afterwards on the famous kernix plots the munich parade grounds where the ss had marched so proudly before thousands of admiring germans the rainbow division took part in the moving ceremony the occasion was the return of a drum recovered by the seventh army to the scottish fifth battalion gordon hylanders were lost at at duncurt parade loving germans waited for hours to see the ceremony men of the 42nd division served occupation duty in the austrian tiro at zelem z a 42nd division college was established with an enrollment of 400 men selected from among the 8 000 high school graduates in the division the credits they earned would be recognized by american universities and colleges equipment was secured from austrian and german universities from stocks of captured enemy material from nazi laboratories and factories and the soldiers put it to good use at their new alma mater rainbow university soon many of them would be on their way home for discharge for the second time the fighting days of the 42nd were over it wasn't exactly strange that i kept thinking about rainbow university as i left the monument and the little garden city park school was very much on my mind this morning i was on my way to the new york national officer candidate school and also on my way i hope toward a commission as a second lieutenant with a 42nd division at camp smith near pigskill new york the new york national guard runs what is really a leadership school my company commander had selected me to attend the officer candidate program here so that i might qualify for that commission in the rainbow division now one of the units of the new york national guard i had driven for almost three hours and it felt good finally to get out of the car and report in along with the officer candidates were men arriving from all over the state for the non-commissioned officers academy of the new york national guard all of us new camp smith was only the first step toward becoming a qualified commissioned or non-commissioned officer we had no illusions it takes much much more than two weeks to make an officer what the camp smith training is designed to do is develop a sense of duty and responsibility qualities like integrity loyalty discipline that make a leader of men judged by the speed of the processing when we arrived it seemed as though the school could hardly wait to put us through the paces no time was wasted in checking our records in a nearby supply room we were issued the books and equipment needed for the two weeks they would get a good workout before we turned them back after signing on the dotted line we headed up toward the living area i knew it was coming now there's a kind of tradition that new arrivals are welcomed in a certain special way two fellows were walking up ahead when i heard the greeting thrown at them i swallowed hard and prepared for the worst hold mister stop that bag i said drop it mister i didn't say a hundred dollars pick up that bag get over there outside your miserable looking buddy over there get over there speak to me mr people's why do you dickie bird or something no sir you're going to be part of your dickie bird you start jumping if you're a man you start sound on it get out of here oh mister where are you going no it's a thing of bias place what are you a wise guy or something speak to me you little dickie bird you me silent look your front get your beady eyes front and center are you wise no sir if you're wise we'll put you out in the woods with the other owls you got that get out of my sight post the hazing of course is kind of half serious intended as just an indication of the we mean business discipline at camp smith i just about had time to get into my uniform when we were out on the parade ground for some up to three four practice coming as we did from different outfits throughout the state it took us a while to put some order in a close order drill but we caught on fast from then on it was one activity after the next and of course designed to get the most out of us we did a lot of individual weapons work much of it on the rifle range my target was a commission with a rainbow and the 96 hours of instruction in basic military subjects at camp smith would start me on the right road a variety of combat equipment is available for on the spot demonstrations but the bulk of the work was directed at cramming an awful lot of information into our heads after lectures the questions came thick and fast i have a question gentlemen is it correct to command the unit to march to the flank from the hall candidate mercy sir candidate mercy oh sir that is incorrect that command must be given while the unit is in march with the exception that the command may be given from a halt for instructional purposes thank you candidate mercy in our bull sessions we had no time to talk about how the Yankees were doing it was all it says here in the manual any spare time we had was devoted to reviewing the day's work and preparing for exams going to meals at camp smith is always something of an event a marching band accompanies us every step of the way it's amazing how band music puts nap in your step quickly teaches a group of men how to move along in perfect unison it perks up the appetite too they have an inviting-looking swimming pool at camp smith but as i recall i had only one opportunity to take a quick dip and not by choice mind you there was just never any spare time those two weeks shot by like a couple of hours and all at once we were on the parade grounds overlooking the hudson river and a final parade and pass and review as modestly as i can let me quickly report that yours truly won an award for his record at the school all that boning up for exams had paid off i felt good as the president of the academic board of the officer candidate school congratulated me yes i was really riding high because i had the feeling in a small way of course this was the start of my contribution to the glory of the 42nd rainbow and on my mind all the time i was marching with the men of the new york national guard on every side was the monument i had visited on my way to camp smith sure it was a monument to the 42nd rainbow all right but it was really a tribute to the courage and loyalty of all those who have fought for america in the past and who are training and ready to do it again if necessary yes it is a tribute to our whole country because made up of all creeds all colors all walks of life the rainbow division is america colorful shoulder patch of the rainbow is now carried proudly by the 42nd division of the new york national guard these men have reasons to be proud reasons spelled out in glorious victories won the sacrifices and the deeds of bravery by the men who have borne the rainbow into the fire and heat of battle now this is sergeant steward queen inviting you to be with us again next week for another look at the big picture the big picture is an official television report for the armed forces and the american people produced by the army pictorial center presented by the united states army in cooperation with this station


What's up, everyone? My name is Alex. I'm one of the co-founders of MyInvestingClub.com, and I want to let you guys know about something special we're doing for our viewers on YouTube. So the most common question we get asked is, you know, how do I start day trading? So what me and my mentor about it is we create a free two-hour mentorship course for the brand-new trader. It's going to be available at MyInvestingClub.co. The link is going to be right here. This is a free webinar that reveals our 12 secrets that every single brand-new day trader should know before they start. I also want to let you guys know about something that's very unique to MIC. So if you have any questions about trading or you're curious about trading or you don't know if MIC is the right fit for you, now you can text our head mentor, Tosh, whose number is going to be right here and he'll answer all the questions that you have in less than 24 hours. Thank you and enjoy the video. Yeah, so hopefully, yeah, this one stays recorded and I don't have to rerecord this one. I cleared up a lot of this space from the last webinar. The main thing is that I had like two or three recordings where I recorded my screen and never hit unrecord. I had like 30 hours of like NVIDIA high-definition record time, like holding up 100 gigs, so got rid of that. So today, this one's going to be kind of a rant and I did one rant once before earlier, but that was a negative rant and this one's going to be more of a positive. Before we get into that, we have some market stuff we want to get through. So the market center, so last week where we were at, the spy was showing hesitation at the 280 level and I thought that we would be somewhat, that we would somewhat kind of stay still until the first couple of states opened, which we actually opened like this week, which I didn't think we were going to start, but a couple of states that started these pre-opens and then I expect the pre-pricing continue, which we kind of did. We broke through that 280 barrier this week. Is that a specific time when the hot check of the day shows up on the scanner? Is that always in the pre-market seat? Yeah, I would say so and usually they pop up around like 7 a.m. like David just told you as well and also depends on the flow too, the momentum. You have to see, check the flow and the news too and combine all those factors. You can tell which one is hot check or not. Yeah and I would say that the hot check always presents itself within the first 45 minutes. Like 45 minutes in, it's even pushing a little late. I would say the hot check always appears within the first 30 minutes or pre-market. Pre-market to first 30. Like after that, like if a runner happens after the first hour, it can still, it can become a runner, but most of the time those become like tomorrow plays for me. And then I saw it stalling here and this is when I posted this in chat. I was like, if this over nine glory fails, we can finally see our death candle, right? Because this is where if all of these shorts we're going to lose patience and all of these shorts, we're going to squeeze it out. This is where it was going to happen, hence the long here. Like this is where I thought it might happen. But the fact that we stalled here, I was like, okay, if this finals, I call them flurries, right? Like stop out where it just goes over and tries to make shorts nervous at one last time, near the end of reversal time, it's three o'clock. This is where if it doesn't go here, where else are we going to go? If this isn't what squeezes us higher, if we get back under nine, I think we can get our death candle and we did get the death candle. So we get under nine, I put the starter back on. I put that the same thought as the blood in the water crack. I put that starter back on. This time I actually wait for us to break 850. And I, you know, when I short some more. And so here's where I kind of merged. Like this is where I was honestly a little bit fuzzy on whether or not like what should I do? Like, because I shorted into this crack and it, you know, I'm shorting this as a trend break crack where 850 just failed. And like here we are, we're bouncing, but I'm not so keen to cover this one as I was right here because this was the death candle. This is the, you know, the biggest volume candle, not probably not of the day. I think the morning was greater, but it was the biggest volume candle all day. This was a death candle. It was a failed candle through nine. So there's almost two trades in play here. The overextended trend break, which broke, but then there's also the death candle. Okay, just death candle. Let me short the bound death candle. I had more risk on here than I intended, but the way I saw it is I kind of had two trades on at a time like this is a death candle bounce. Well, I'm still comfortable as long as it's under nine. We get the crack here and I do. I take all of these shares off but I have a nice like 870 ish average here. But then we, when this one fails, I had, I had orders to cover it like eight, eight and 750. And when this came, when this didn't tank, I'm like, dude, we're starting, it's already 30 minutes to go covering this position. And good thing I did, it's never covered at nine over here.  I got out like, I got out for like, you know, roughly break even after this, you know, roughly, but maybe a little gain. I classed by this break even. But the thing about this trade is I kind of did everything right here. And this is just, this is what the trade kind of looks like when you do everything right and it just doesn't work out. This happens all the time. This is what I call, like I did my job. I put myself in position. You don't know if it's gonna work out, but the point is you put yourself in position and you know, God speed, you let the stock do the rest. Like I did my part, I entered where I did, I covered where I did, and the stock didn't want to give me what I want. So I know once this recovers, there's a decent chance it'll pop to nine. I know if it doesn't, I'm gonna cover. So, you know, when the trade didn't do what I want, I failed. Unfortunately, dude, like I wanted this to work so bad. Like was I disappointed in the trade? Yes. That doesn't mean- Maybe the time of the day if it was like at two, then it would have, you know, world nicely. I would have held, but that 330-ish, that 330-ness started to get to me. I didn't like, I didn't want to be holding this at 330. It was already, it was already sub-ideal late. Like it should have happened here. Like it was already kind of late in the day for the tank. Like how do I know if it's the best entry, right? How do I know it won't just rip and tank right, rip right through VWAP when I short the tank right through support? How do I know it just won't stop me out? How do I know that it just won't stop or rip right back after I get out? You don't, right?  Once you've accepted the risk, the trade is about you executing. You don't have to know that stuff.  That's it. Those are the three elements. What you're going to trade, how you're going to trade.  We don't know what the stock is going to do. All we know is what we're going to do. Perfect, bro. Perfect. You don't know what the stock's going to do, but you can know what you're going to do.  And so I made a list for you. Thou shalt not utter the following words, right? I love that list, bro. I love that. No but what ifs. So cool. No but what ifs. How do I know? That's off your list too. I thought it might, I wasn't sure how much, the one time, Tom is so cool. Yeah, the best one. Oh yeah, none of those. This scared me. Instead of saying this scared me, you say after that tank, I thought it was a less likely probability of me getting my set. That's so much different than this scared me. One's emotion basis and one is technical analysis. And it seems like it's splitting hairs, but those hairs are the difference between emotionally trading or emotionally not trading and not trading for a reason or trading for this reason. I was gonna follow my plan, but it is a big one. I was gonna follow my plan, but maybe this time will be different. All of these are off of your list. If you catch yourself saying this, you're in the wrong state of mind.  I wanna add something here. You know, the only thing you have completely control over is how much you're willing to risk or how much you're willing to lose. That's it. Anything else, I don't care. I don't know if I know I would bet my house on that, right? Why would I be sitting here?  Just put in that short out stock at eight and cover at six, right? Easy. Yeah, it can come down to, dude, I know that in the middle of the day that like VWAP normally rejects the first time. But maybe this time will be different. I don't wanna take this trade. 100 shares, I won't even take it. Let me just see what happens because maybe this time will be different. And then all of a sudden it just rejects 15 cents. And you're like, that could have been 15 bucks in your pocket, right? And then as you scale up 300 shares, that could have been 45 bucks in your pocket.  One of these is gonna stunt that. One of those is gonna stunt it.  Q and A. I just needed to hear that as well. And you know, just, you know, to remind myself, I'm kind of, you know, I'm reminding myself every day is that my goal is to make it into the next day. I don't want to be today be my last day of trading. I always remind myself of that because if I'm reckless, if I'm not ready, shorting CAPR, right? 200 million yesterday, all it takes is one stock to wipe you out and you're done. Captain Heinz, yeah, this is a classic one. Classic, shoulda coulda woulda. Questions? Questions guys. Yeah. Anyways guys, we're doing calls daily from Monday to Friday. So please take advantage of that.  And like this, this, this rant was brought to you probably by like, the question that we often get the most is how did you know it was going to work, right? How did you know that it was gonna work? And that's what I don't know. Like, dude, I don't, I just know that if it was a choice of me entering this position or not entering this position, I wanted to be in this position. Yeah, and that's just the, how do you know? Like, how did you know that was the best prize? Well, I didn't. Yeah, I was talking to one of the members of that. I won't say his name, but it was like asking me, dude, you know, I traded CAPR, I did here, I saw the death canal right there and there and I asked him, what is your edge? And he just quieted and I said, what is your edge? You know, stock traded 200 million.   Is that something you're doing regularly every day? I said, no, so there you go. That's it. Find your edge, you guys. You know, just focus on one and try to do that daily, day in and day out with one setup and try to make, I don't know, $10, $20 consistently for a month or two. And then, you know, you can work from there. And there's one more thing I forgot to say, but I wanted to add. Now, of course, a lot of this comes down to experience, right? Like, you know, as an experienced trader, we'll have an easier time figuring out what they like to trade and how they want to trade it and it eventually becomes easier for a more experienced trader. However, that doesn't mean that you can't figure it out and it doesn't mean that, like, just because your confidence level might be lower than ours. But guess what? You can alter your size to where your confident level is enough to be in control of the trade. That's ultimately what it's all about. Like Vaz said, like, you could put a hundred shares down there. Like, if you're wrong, you're going to lose what? 20 or 30 bucks? Can you handle that? And if you're like, well, yeah, I can handle $20. Well, then take the trade. This is how you learn how to trade anyway. This is how you're going to build the stronger confidence seeing it work, right? But like, it's like, just take that hundred. If you ever find yourself saying any of these words or like pulling that hesitant trigger, well, then make the trigger a hundred shares or 50 and be like, what is it? Where's hesitation now? It's not money. There's a lot of hard work in it. You have to kind of experience it, track it, go over it every day. You need to see the outcome of 500 or 1,000 trade for you to pick something up, right? But you need time. But if you try to size up and try to speed up the process, you might not going to give it enough time for a room to grow or the kind of learning curve. You're not going to get to that point. All right. Yeah, thanks, guys. Thanks. And here's the thing about, yeah, stops, guys.  Like it's, no one likes to stop out. Oh, dude, guess what? I got to stop out.   You still have them. Thanks, Val, for coming. Oh, I didn't even know Alex was here. He was so quiet. Alex is everywhere, bro. He's everywhere. Just quiet, but everywhere. Yeah, you see that? Did you say Forex just now, Austin? No, I didn't. That's what I was doing on my phone. I always have Forex. I'm trading all my phone. All right, I'm going to go to bat. Almost 3 AM here. Robin Hood app. All right, thanks, guys. See you, guys. Thank you so much for watching our video. If you want to see more of our videos, please subscribe to our YouTube channel by clicking the button here. We do our best to post a new video every single day. If you have any questions about MIC or any general trading questions, please text Tosh using the number here. Also, stay up to date by watching some of our most recent videos right over here.


David and Jenny, we are really excited to have you here. I'm a member of ShareMine Stockholm. If you want to ask anything about our organizations, talk to me, or Kristoffer over there. We will have two breaks, half an hour each, which I think is great. And Anna, we know David will save you a lot of time. Thank you. No, I'm just going to say welcome. Welcome to David and Jenny. I was the one who found David first in Sweden on the map and saw that he travels around in different places and said, but now David has to go to Sweden. And it was the autumn or the autumn of 1995. And then he continued to come back every year, in fact, on the 3rd of May. The whole north. And what is so wonderful about David is that he is so simple and easy, like the best friend. He felt it once. So it's really fun to have him here. And it's really nice to see all of you. Many, or at least a part of us, who feel the same way. Hello again. My name is Jenny. I have traveled with David since January last year around Europe and Australia, New Zealand. If you are here and I shoot the film, if someone doesn't want to be on film, you can go now. I will try to avoid it. It's okay for all of us. And if someone has a mobile phone on, it's good to turn it off. I'm a little nervous, but it's okay. You can just turn off the sound. Yes, because if I don't turn the sound on, it's okay. Let's begin. Very good. Well, thank you for inviting me to come here. Is there anyone here that requires translation that you have already worked that out? Is everyone under? No. Is there anyone who needs translation from English? You need it. Okay. We thought somebody could film her in if you have anything that you need to know or we could have anybody else do the translation. We thought we might be one or two people or someone who is free will that feels that they can fill in in Swedish. Just sit, relax. Is there anyone who needs translation from English? There is. Maybe I can do it. I need to have a little bit. I don't believe that I can do it. I think so you can manage the time. Okay. Should we do that first? I'm listening to the translation so I can say that I understand the most, but I'm not sure if I can do it. Translate. Yes, that would be good. Very good. The title of this talk today is the fear of redemption. And so you could translate that to the fear of love because love and redemption are the same. Redemption, we might say, is like a synonym for salvation. And that term has a lot of different religious connotations. So we could use another synonym of correction. We could say that in Christian terms, sin just means error or missing the mark. So redemption or salvation means the correction of the error. And that's what this journey through life on earth is about. It's about learning to accept the correction to the error of separation. So in A Course in Miracles, Jesus says that that only the mind needs to be saved or salvaged. And it's only salvaged through peace. So that really makes it simple if you keep those two points in mind that we're not trying to save souls, we're save people or do missionary work where we're trying to save other people like traditional Christianity. This is about salvaging your mind coming to self-realization or enlightenment by accepting the correction that the Spirit offers for the error which has been called ego. So redemption is really the correction for the error called ego. And the ego as people have said many things about the ego one time someone told me that I think maybe in 12 step programs they call ego edging God out. When you just try to move God out of the center of your mind at the core of your mind and you try to put something else in the place of love or God, then that's what the ego is. It's a belief that you can separate from God and from each other. So when I traveled around the world in like 22 countries and I like to say that what we have on earth is we have 6 billion people that seem to all be afraid of dying that's what survival is about all the struggles of life but underneath these 6 billion people afraid of dying is one mind afraid of living. One mind admitting that it's been mistaken and accepting the correction to that mistake. So it was interesting I was staying in a hostel and I said new shopping new shopping and Jenny went out and she said you know what the title of the talk you know is and I said what was it again and she said the fear of redemption so you might want to take a look at what 420 242 242 in the English version so I did go out and I glanced over it and I was just reading through the words and basically what I was reading was that Jesus was saying you can tolerate your hostility you can tolerate hatred but the thing that you are terrified of is redemption or love so it's kind of an interesting situation where we have 6 billion people 6 billion different personalities and the personality by definition is the ego so the persona or the mask is the ego trying to hide from this redemption or this love and there's a tremendous fear of what's underneath the hatred that the ego made the hatred but the mind that believes in the ego is most terrified of what's underneath the hatred that's why people can say well I have good days and bad days or yes I've got some hatred and some love and a mix of emotions but what this mix is about is holding on to this mask that covers over this deep love and so the purpose of spirituality the purpose of spiritual awakening is to open up to accept the correction and to experience this love and to drop the mask to drop the mask entirely means also to drop the personality self but also drop the environment that surrounds the personality self which is all time and space so it's not just a matter of saying all I've got to do is drop one little mask but it's also the context of the mask in other words the environment the mask exists in is all of time and space society that's why it seems like such a big undertaking when you go deep into spirituality is because you have to literally empty your mind of everything that you believe about time about the cosmos I remember one time a friend of mine was looking at the course and she came in and she just had this staggered look on her face like she just had been in a boxing match and she just got hit in the chin and I said what's wrong and she said I just looked at the course and it's just it's staggering and the line was not one thought the world believes is true she just said that's a staggering idea when you consider all of the concepts and all of the ideas in this world and that not one of those thoughts is true that's a very very staggering idea but that also gives you a little bit of a grasp of what it's going to take to open up to this love because every scrap of this world was made as a defense against the truth so anything that you believe about the world is going to be something that you have to question you have to bring into question Years ago I had a student back in early 1990s and she was working on Michael's workbook lesson and she said she started working with the early workbook lessons and she said like this first lesson David for example she said it's insulting it's offensive it's insulting nothing I see means anything she said surely he's just kind of warming up here this is not where this is going this is not where anything is leading it's just a preliminary lesson she says you know it's actually kind of she says who does he think that I am to start out with such a humiliating lesson I said well actually that lesson if you can just fully get that one lesson then you've got the whole book you don't need to go and do the other 364 lessons and what that lesson is pointing to is that all of the images of the cosmos is part of the defense and so whenever you think you can find meaning in any of the images or in any of the words or the symbols then you're still looking for meaning outside of yourself because the images are a projection of this idea of separation so if you go further into the workbook you find Jesus saying things like you could receive vision and when he's talking about vision he's not talking about like 20-20 vision with the eyes he's talking about the vision of Christ he says you could receive vision from a table if you would withdraw all of your ideas from the table and instead of telling the table what it is you open your mind up withdrew all your previous past associations and then you ask the table what am I and Jesus is saying it could tell you because it shares the purpose of the universe it's just that this image of a table is just a concept and all of the past associations of what a table is size, texture shape, color all of the things and associations with tables what are tables for associations with bodies and maybe eating all of those memories and associations are part of this ego defense mechanism so when you work with something like the Course it gets to be very much like with Zen Buddhism where they say empty your mind of everything that you think empty the contents of consciousness and then what you're left with is a forgiven world or healed world so starting back with the Course in 1986 that was what I undertook to go into an experience where I would have to be shown how to trust and how to forgive and how to watch my mind very carefully but more like to be the observer just to be able to watch the world as if it's a theater or a play Jenny was actually saying that feeling more and more like a theater what were you saying when you first got back to Sweden I had an experience now when I came back because I've been with David and traveling and done a lot of undoing in my mind and when I came back it felt like people were playing a theater when they spoke to me in Swedish it felt really funny you were watching the theater was it where we were? new shopping? yeah, new shopping even on the plane when I heard Swedish people it's working yeah so how am I going to manage the Course if I don't have a job and I can't manage a job I mean it's pretty it's very hard and you have to practice the Course perhaps in your work and things you have to be able to work as a human being first, aren't you before you can practice the Course isn't that true? yeah it's kind of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs in the sense that you have to meet your basic needs first you begin the Course as a path of practicing with wherever you are in your awareness whatever your life situation is you start working with the tax and with the workbook yeah, whatever your life situation is yeah, yeah so we can say where the Course is leading is leading to a place of trust and an opening more and more to your intuition but you would start practicing so in terms of your situation with not having a job you mean you can tell me a little bit more about your circumstances yeah, I have I don't know how you say this I am on sick leave and it's good we have that here in Sweden so you can have money and things but I am on sick leave and I have been that for about 10 years and I think I have kind of I have difficulty in doing things working getting in the shower and I'm kind of depressed I have been that for many years depressed I think I would say that I am I think because yeah and very immature in many areas to very difficulties very unsure in a working place in a situation where you have to manage your work you know I am very insecure there in front of people and I yes very sort of perhaps in a show but very very tense and things so I haven't I haven't got a job yeah I have got jobs but not a job with the real wages sort of real money from yeah so that so I have got this different job kind of with different aids to it one of my jobs was in a store in a where you bought food and and I worked there for two years and it was very difficult it was very difficult yeah well I think the first thing to keep in mind is the context so for example whether we are talking about relationships or working in a job the context of everything that you will do as you work with The Course in Miracles is undoing the ego so I know for myself that when The Course first came to me back in 1986 I had to start with it right where I was in my awareness which was I had been in university for 10 years I had student loans to pay back I had basic debts and basic survival needs that most people have and so on and so forth so as I began doing The Course Workbook Lessons and reading the text and so on and so forth I realized that that whatever job that I would be given would first and foremost be for my mind training opportunities in other words it's not just The Course isn't something that you theoretically just go off and read by yourself and try to ignore your worldly situation can't kind of think it out in your own hand it's almost like the world is your laboratory yeah so just like in the science class you read the textbook and then you go into the lab to actually see to try the experiments well those workbook lessons are the opportunity yeah so and I've worked with many people that are talking about the same situation you're bringing up I had one friend who hadn't worked for some time and it was she'd gone around and around about this thing of working and found it difficult working and she finally made a prayer to the Holy Spirit and she just said please whatever would be most helpful in terms of a job please bring it to me bring it into my awareness and she said and I will take the first job I will be open but I will take the first job that is offered to me and she had some a number of interviews kind of sprinkled around and the first job that was offered to her was working in a school and her first reaction was oh no I don't like to work in a school and it had more to do with her ego preferences and also her fears and insecurities because she did not graduate from high school and so she had all these insecurities that were projected on to schools so it took a moment for her to go oh that's right I asked the Holy Spirit to send me a job and I said to the Holy Spirit I would accept the first job that was offered and the first job that was offered her was to work in a school so her initial reaction was oh no please not that but actually it was very helpful for her because she had these insecurities and fears and the first thing to keep in mind in one sense we can say whatever job that you are guided to whatever job the Holy Spirit has for you will be used in a way that will be undoing the ego and that's the first and foremost lesson to keep in mind yes jobs do bring in money pay off bills and helps you with basic survival things but first and foremost you have to remember that what comes you is just for the undoing of the ego and if you read the course and the workbook is to do the workbook then it can help you so you can get more oh you can take these perhaps more jobs and choose from more jobs that you can think of yeah I mean it will help you it will help stabilize your mind it will help get the stuff that's underneath in my case I had a very intense job that went on for 8 months that it was a very very steep undoing of the ego and I would say it was certainly not a job that David would have picked when it came to me I was like oh my gosh I didn't know if I would last 2 weeks at the job because I had 10 years of university and I thought I knew something and with this job I was a case manager working with people with disabilities physical disabilities mental disabilities schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder so for me when I got into this job I was just thinking oh my gosh I don't know if I'm going to make it here and what the guidance I was getting was you need to learn how to pray you've been in Christianity for all these years and you still don't know how to pray you still don't know how to ask for help and a lot of the worldly learning that I got in psychology and 10 years of university was a lot of techniques and theories and so on and so forth yeah when I got in with the clients before I would go in with the clients the Holy Spirit would say to me you need to pray and when you see this client you need to practice seeing them for the first time don't read all their case histories don't have any preconceptions and judgments about who they are don't think you know how to treat them what's right all the typical things that you would need as a case manager the Holy Spirit was saying no and she let all that go and I want you to pray for those remarkable experiences with these clients and it lasted 8 months and sure it helped me pay off to the loans it was very practical in all of those terms but I'd say more than that it was really it was almost like we all had like a chip a chip on the shoulder we had pride of thinking we know how things work this was more like oh you're not going to be a miracle worker until we get the chip of pride knocked off your shoulder so I think at times during those 8 months the ego perceived that job is actually humiliating you know I thought I knew something and I felt like everyday things would come at me so fast that I couldn't really react I couldn't control the situations that came at me so fast that it actually helped me learn how to trust instead of trying to think my way through things to become more intuitive and to listen and to follow I had one client that basically other case managers warned me they said he's been and oh you're in for it David this guy is all these multiple diagnosis he's on multiple drugs and he's been in and out of the system for years everybody nobody wanted to even work with the guy and I remember he was assigned to me and I remember asking the Holy Spirit okay what do you want me to do all I kept hearing was just pray and just see him as perfect and innocent when he comes in don't read all the stacks of past writings that all these counselors had accumulated for years don't look at any of it just practice seeing him as perfectly innocent when he comes in the door and disregard everything that all the counselors have told you about him don't put any faith in any of it so when he came in I took him for an intake interview and I basically just saw him as innocent and I listened to him and after five minutes all this profound stuff started coming out of his mouth and I just was like staggered I just listened and listened as he kept talking and talking and talking and finally I said where did you learn this stuff that you're talking about and he said the Holy Spirit of course all this build up of what a terror this guy was and it was really beautiful it was one of those moments of don't think you understand don't think you know what's going on just be willing to show up and to be helpful and don't try to add on anything else and don't try to say oh but I can add this diagnosis or this interpretation that's how we heal as we show up with willingness whether it's a job that you may have or I have or whatever the job seems to be we have to show up with willingness and then not try to add any more onto that but just let the Spirit do it through us so that's how it worked for me in a very practical way and it was a good start I think before I started to travel and have the Holy Spirit speak through me I was guided to a series of jobs that were all about undoing the ego but also that helped me pay off basic debts that I had because I think to do God's work He needs you exactly where you're at but also he had to clear away a lot of things in my life before I would kind of launch on my life's purpose or my life's calling and all of this was very important too I couldn't skip over anything Yeah You know I don't know I was thinking these feelings you have you shan't hide you must look at the ugly things that you have to say you can't go around just feeling nothing and that's and if you're on work you will confront feelings and that's good to get it out they do have to come into awareness in that section I was reading today on the fear of redemption he's saying you do have to raise into awareness these obstacles and these feelings you have to let them out you have to let them up and you have to let them out so for example you mentioned depression and in the Course Jesus says depression comes from a sense of being deprived of something you want but do not have so so basically underneath all depression this is a sense of of lack or scarcity in which the mind is in an unnatural state of mind where it's wanting things and of course a job becomes very important when you want things in order to purchase things that's what the job is for but underneath it you might say that everyone who comes to you in the job setting in the job situation is part of the healing plan so it's part of practicing seeing people innocently over and over and over to the point where you admit to yourself that you are not seeing anyone clearly you're just seeing reminders of the past that are still in consciousness so we never really meet anyone for the first time we're always just seeing something from our past that we're holding on to coming up again and being acted out right in front of us so in that sense it gives us a great opportunity to thank you my sister for mirroring for reflecting what I'm still holding on to in my belief system that I have not raised up into awareness and released and you're acting it out and giving me an opportunity to see it and to release it so in a practical way that's what a job is about a job just like a relationship just an opportunity to use the opportunities to heal that way now I've been in 22 countries and Sweden has like you said it has a system here for those that are unemployed to receive money to live on now I do talk a lot I've written magazine articles on divine providence and living in trust because I don't own anything at this point and I don't possess anything and so there are people that I used to be the director of a non-profit organization so I had some duties and some things to oversee but I kind of recently I said no my hands out of the pie so I really just stepped away from all of that so my one job you might say is just to go be happy and shine my light wherever I'm invited and so forth but to come to that what I would say is that you have to everything is good practice for integrity but also you start to realize that everything in your awareness is part of divine providence even when you're working in a job and you're receiving a paycheck it's really gone it just looks like and a paycheck but all of us are under the same law of divine providence so when you receive money from unemployment or from being sick or on sick leave or whatever that's part of the divine providence as well the divine providence well it takes we have to kind of see what is going on the divine providence that you are at home okay so everyone's really living under that law of divine providence whether you believe it's coming through a job or not but we could say that the course in miracles what it does is it makes you more and more humble so that you start to see that everything that seems to be in this world that's part of your life that's helping you on the plan of awakening is all coming from the spirit it's all the spirit using the symbols so that's very important step in that way it doesn't have to feel a sense of a stigma or a darkness around not having a job it's not so much whether you have a job but it's just that to be willing to have the ego undone and to allow the Holy Spirit to use the symbols in a way that supports you in a maximal way yeah so I had a friend who came all the way from New Zealand to spend some time with me and she was on disability at the time for she told me that she was very very independent strong-willed very young, independent successful and the first thing that got her attention was she had she was skiing and she went flying off of the slopes and out of control and smashed her head she had a head injury and that really slowed her life down from bigger better faster, more go-getter kind of lifestyle but she told me she didn't really get it she was back out doing more extreme sports and whatever after that she recovered from her first head injury so the second time she was on a mountain bike she was going over she was riding with these guys and they were ahead of her and she was on a mountain bike she went over some very high mount and she lost control of the mountain bike and she had her second head injury and that got her attention when she broke both of her wrist and she was like a baby bird and her mother and father had to feed her because she couldn't even move her wrist she lay there and she started to say well this must have a purpose and it was you might say it was the beginning of the undoing of the ego most of us hopefully don't have to go through such extreme things although some of us I'm sure can tell our stories we've gone through some pretty extreme things people go through near death experiences and whatever before they start to say wait a minute something's up here but when she came and met me she started traveling and working with the course she was still receiving disability payments well that's still part of the divine providence and she would just we talked a lot about integrity because as she got her energy got more and more she was able to stay up more she was much more alert and she got to a point where she actually started feeling a little guilty for taking disability money that she started to feel better and better and better very quickly when she was traveling with me we were working through a lot of things so at one point I said to her well how does it feel and I said she says it feels like I should contact my disability manager in New Zealand and just tell this man everything that's going on and not hide anything and not hold anything back I said yeah I think that's a very good idea this is a pathway of not abdicating responsibilities to dodge anything or get something for free that you have to deceive or that you have to lie about so she actually wrote to her disability manager and said I've been in the United States I've been traveling I've been working on my healing and working on forgiveness and things are progressing and I have much more energy and the manager said well it's really good you're progressing we still want to give you another three months of disability and she said what should I do and I said well if they're going to offer to you you might as well thank it the key thing was don't hide anything don't withhold anything but that was part of Divine Providence too so sometimes the Divine Providence comes through a job or being paid on a job or coming through a sick leave many many different ways people have told me stories of finding money in the street and on and on and on anything that seems to support you as you're doing this inner work you have to start to say ah this is just the Holy Spirit using the symbols and I don't have to judge the use of those symbols I have to kind of be where I am and accept and try and use I am quite active anyway I'm doing things not a real job right now anyway but I am trying to stay active on the things like that and so I'm going to be looking for a job now and you can offer before you even do the looking offer up a prayer and say to the Spirit whatever job you want me to have please bring it to me bring it into my awareness make it obvious I would say that over and over to the Holy Spirit make it obvious and it sometimes comes in various ways but the important thing is to have the context to realize that the job is for the undoing of the ego and everything that you're doing now even in this active phase when you don't have a job can all be used in a very maximal way too so it starts to wash away the guilt of feeling like you're less than or it washes away the comparison you know with other people and where other people are at those are all ego devices to kind of keep you down yeah to keep thank you very good thank you yeah about fears I got very old fears like it started when I was young and I was blushing and people started to scold me and it spread to that I was afraid of trembling on my hands of my voice then it came to with women that I was afraid to perform or I put some pressure on me that I was afraid all the time that I would not be able to perform and it feels like it's deep down it's a great fear of being abandoned of separation and also it's like a play in my head where it's one part of me bullying the other part schooling myself doing the same to myself again and again and one part getting very submissive afraid fearful and this is just going on and it was right today that I saw this play I quite was quite clear to me what's going on in my head that I'm trying to get the distance to it but it's still there it's something I'm afraid of if I meet a woman will I perform will I be abandoned and it's a great great pain it feels like I could just scream and scream and scream out this pain this is my cornerstone could you comment I know I've mentioned this to you I need a lot of angles to look at it yeah I also say it's clear that I'm doing this to myself but I keep hurting myself yeah yeah there's a line in the course that says until you're willing to look on the full extent of your anger or your hatred you will not be willing to let it go in other words when you go on the spiritual journey the closer you come to the core to the origin of the ego belief system like you were going down a spiral or down a funnel the closer you get to the core the more intense it gets because on the other side of the core is love and the ego the system of the ego is built as a defense against the love all the unworthiness all the guilt all the shame the feelings of abandonment that are certainly projected onto the characters through your life feeling abandoned by people in your life even Helen Shuckman wrote a book called The Gifts of God which was her poetry and she had some pretty dark poems in there but they were abandonment poems directed at Jesus she was hearing Jesus's voice for seven years he's talking to her like a friend like a guy like a confidant for seven years taking down this book and then she writes these poems you said you would always be with me you know from the Bible I'm with you always even to the end of time how could you abandon me how could you say such a thing so the ego is the belief in abandonment and it either gets projected onto God or onto Jesus or onto the Holy Spirit sometimes and certainly onto certain characters that are part of the dream and all those projections do is just reinforce the feelings it's almost like drawing forth witnesses and evidence to what you believe and that's what makes this world such a convincing hallucination it was made by belief and then when you believe in it you draw forth all these witnesses that confirm what you believe kind of like Pygmalion self-fulfilling prophecy whatever you believe about yourself the cosmos will witness back over and over and over so there's a term called circumscribed when you circumscribe something it's like you're completely surrounded so Jesus is saying you believe in separation and you circumscribe yourself with this environment that completely witnesses and reinforces what you believe about yourself and now in quantum physics they're teaching us the same thing but no two people see the same world and everybody's seeing a subjective world based on their own preferences so we have 6 billion people that are literally seeing 6 billion different worlds and because we have some elements of of congruity or sameness about the sky or the ocean or the weather or things that's what makes it convincing it makes it look like it's a real thing, a real environment but it's more like in Star Trek terms it's more like a holodeck it's a holographic projection that looks very very very real and then when you start projecting people out as part of that environment that speak and seem to speak the same language as you that agree with you about certain things and that makes it even more convincing of not seeming to be a hallucination at all so what you're talking about is this has been your history and now you need an intercession or the miracle to show you that there's another way that's why we have of course the miracles it's like an intercession to break the pattern and for example even feeling like fear of rejection with women or feeling like you have to perform performance anxiety all the things fear of abandonment and so on and so forth start to gain more confidence with miracles in different aspects of your life it will begin to transfer to other areas and so it's typical for myself and people that I've worked with and people that I've heard they will have some very significant experiences that actually show them a different way show them another way of seeing themselves they have one experience Jesus calls it an out of pattern experience because it's not like the typical pattern it's an out of pattern experience it shows you wow there's so much more here than I was aware of and that starts you on a momentum to take your awareness your consciousness higher and higher and expand it I use the example from my own life I was in high school I was so shy and quiet that I was voted most quiet in my senior class so out of 200 and some people I was in the yearbook they gave us actually a microphone to hold me and this other girl as we were both voted most quiet so I have to laugh now that I go all around the world and it started off with most quiet that's where the personality was and then the Holy Spirit just said okay let's wash that that's just an impediment that's going to be a hindrance you can't be shy and quiet if you're going to let the voice for God speak through you so it just kind of got washed away washed away I read that too about Moses Moses had a stutter and he had to deliver the Ten Commandments and Gandhi was also very shy I read his autobiography and he seemed to be kind of a mover shaker in terms of this world in terms of non-violence and so forth but those were inspiring for me to be aware of too because it just showed me that as I gave my mind over to miracles I had new experiences and those new experiences were like lighting up my mind like saying oh it can be different it really can be it doesn't have to be the same way that it's always been and so I think you have a lot to look forward to in your life really because as you work with this journey the Course for example is such a powerful tool that you don't really have to have a lot of money or a lot of skills or abilities for it to be impactful but if you have willingness and you work with this tool you can go so far so fast just from the willingness and what happens is you get new experiences that cancel out the old experiences you know you keep getting these new experiences over and over and over and over and they actually do a fine job of washing away or cancelling out the past in fact you know that's a major teaching is the past is gone it can touch me not you know what time but now can truth be known now is the only time that there is and so the more that you work with it the more you have an experience of just being in the present and that present experience is full of confidence is full of joy and you actually have loads of joy that come and yet performing or comparing or all the typical ego devices just get washed away so that you don't have those same devices operating anymore so you've got a lot to look forward to I look forward to hearing about these things but I don't allow myself in the thoughts I try to live so well than in the course and I think the more I try the deeper into the fear the pain the black thoughts and what I am I have made a great effort and the doubt it just comes very very it's like the pain feels like I can't stand out is it necessary to meet all of this the pain or sometimes I sit and jump home I want her up a bar so that I feel alive and everything together so is it necessary to be free from this it's very difficult to have the blackness to have the experience to be free from this sometimes it feels like it's just getting worse and worse she is trying to live as the course is teaching and practice forgiveness but it feels like it's getting worse because the doubts are just increasing and more darkness is coming up and is it necessary she wonders it's necessary to have that experience yeah suffering and pain are optional but the experience is that you must go through the darkness into the light how how well first thing you do and the most important thing you do is you don't try to protect or cover or hide any emotions that are arising into consciousness so for example for me I feel like the first two decades of my life two and a half almost three decades I could see there was a lot of denial and repression that was going on I could look back at photographs at my face and at my eyes were like halfway closed and I could see this almost face of I was in denial a lot of emotions that were in there in my awareness in my consciousness that I had never let come out that I had never got in touch with so yeah the first step is to allow yourself to get in touch with those emotions and then when you do it's staggering for many people there are mystics and saints like St. John of the Cross wrote a book Dark Knight of the Soul most everyone who goes on this journey and really starts to go deeper inward comes into these intense waves of hurt and deep sense of fear and guilt and so on and so forth and that's why comparatively speaking of all the people on the planet there are a lot of people that would never consider making their spiritual journey their top priority in their life because it's almost like opening a can of worms it's opening something that's so dark that they don't feel like they could handle it even if they open it a little bit they quick put the lid back on I didn't see that I don't even want to I'll forget that I'll forget that I ever looked because it's so dark