Welcome to the She Life podcast and webinar. Today we have with us a very good friend, Rachel Varga, and she is a double board certified aesthetic nurse specialist. She is one of the first to combine functional flowing aging techniques, biohacking and modern medical aesthetics by teaching us how to tune into what the skin is telling us about the internal health and what to do about it. So welcome, Rachel.  I love connecting with fellow radiant souls and just looking at you and your skin, seeing you on social media. I love what you're doing through your technology. And when I see men like you, it really lights me up and warms my heart because you have this radiant space to you, which is hugely tied to electromagnetic. So I love the technology you're doing and looking forward to speaking to the ways that your technology also and understanding what you have with things like BBM and all of that can really help support healthy skin and slowing aging and cultivating this aspect of us called radiance, which is actually in accordance with Ayurvedic medicine, the 10th body, and it's the electromagnetic projection to the world of all of our internal systems. So I'm really excited about our conversation today. All right, so you have some very interesting approaches to skin care, very different from what conventional people do. So can you tell us more about what specifically you're doing differently and how the results are that you've been getting? Absolutely, working with so many clients since 2011, 20,000 rejuvenation procedures later, I started to notice I would say about 2014, 2015, a couple of years into my career, that certain clients would come to me, sit in the chair and they'd say, Rachel, what can we do about my skin? I feel great on the inside. I just want the outside to match. I wanna look as good as I feel essentially. And some of these clients of mine, I barely had to do anything to them and they would respond much. They'd have more powerful rejuvenation outcomes and they would heal faster and they would require fewer interventions. So I started to actually take notes out of their playbook and there are often individuals aged 60 to 90 and across the board, they had very dialed in body, mind, spirit and energy practices. They were right with God. They had spiritual practices and they really knew who they were. They had great boundaries and all of these things and they had something that I now study which is called radiance. So I actually wrote an e-book on that unlocking your vitality. And then I started to meet more bio-hackers. They'd asked for a friend of mine, got his face ready for superhuman. You see that book cover. And then I started to notice these other people like bio-hackers that were just healing in record time. So I started to basically pull from the holistic body, mind, spirit and energy side of things, the bio-hackers side of things. And then over the last few years, more with the electromagnetic side of things, how we can really tune ourselves and ourselves to be our most brightest version. And then if we're using products that gotta be non-toxic. So free of parabens, phthalates, sulfates, artificial dust, fragrances. There's also so much we can do with even putting consciousness in products using water. And so one of the reasons I'm really excited about this conversation is to also get into the nitty gritty aspects of how we can actually use frequency to remove things from our bodies like pathogens and parasites. Because then I also started to uncover in my research that a lot of skin issues were related to parasites. 80% of you listening have parasites. In my nursing education, I had one page in my many years of education that did Gen Chem Organic Chem and Biochem on top of that. And in my research for skin optimization and the topic of oxidative stress status that I just wrote a paper on and its impacts on the skin, I included parasites. And that number, 80% of us having them is definitely something to pay attention to. So when I started to clear these things and their parasites actually regularly, I'm on a 21 day cycle for clearing them. And then of course use frequency T behind the scenes.  And when I did the work, all of that bonding mind, spirit, energy, purifying or air, water, lighting, electromagnetics, detoxing, we can talk about those five key things. I just noticed huge changes. So I no longer for myself having access to the top rejuvenation options out there. I say I was doing about 60% in clinic rejuvenation, 40% home care, let a pretty good lifestyle and now I'm at about 90% home care, only 10% in clinic rejuvenation. And I look and feel younger than ever actually had some biological testing done. And my biological age was nine years younger than my chronological age. So it doesn't have to be complicated. It's actually the more simple tweaks that we do to live more simply and just really listen to ourselves become so pure that we can actually hear what our body needs. That is the magic. I think that's the key. One of the keys is just to be able to be aware of what your body is feeling and where there's energy that's lacking or where there's energy that's too much and just finding that balance and then getting, testing different things because there's so many things out there and testing the different things that's gonna help you to find something that really works for you. Yeah, absolutely. It's going to be different for everybody and even with everyone sold dirty where they are in their life here and how well they understand themselves. And when you clear out the noise especially through toxins in air, water, lighting, electromagnetics, regular detoxification, that ability to hear ourselves becomes so much more clear. And the reason why I think setting the skin is so interesting, well, number one, it's the largest organ. So I'm not just about making people look pretty when our internal systems are optimized in their function and their functioning more powerfully, our skin will show it. And if we're a little bit off, we'll see things on our skin like an uptick in eczema, psoriasis, dry skin, hair loss, acne, hyperpigmentation, darkness, redness, puffiness to the eyes, irritation to the corners of the mouth, issues with cognition and word recall, brain fog can all be contributing. I said cold sores probably too. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. If there's ever any kind of like outbreak in the skin, oftentimes it can be through stress and it's not just the emotional or mental stress that we might immediately think of, but in my study and research on the oxidative stress status, you could think about that as the toxic bucket. If this toxic bucket gets too full, it's gonna tip over and then you'll start to see things on your skin. But that happens, I would say like a couple of weeks or a couple of months after being exposed to something. So the process of purification, body, mind, spirit, energy, electro-magnetics is definitely an ongoing practice. And I find when people first start to employ these practices, it can be a little overwhelming. So there are some baby steps that we can do. Right, so you mentioned those five things, air, water, electro-magnetics, what are the other two? Lighting. Lighting, okay. And regular detoxing. And regular detoxing. So can you maybe give us like a rundown of those quickly? Oh, absolutely. So let's start with air. Did you know that most of your body's exposure to heavy metals comes from the air? And so you are located in the West Coast of Canada, I was as well. And I would be once or twice a week, four by four and off-roading 200 kilometers out of solvers option to get fresh air and away from EMFs. And then I started to notice that my skin was better. So when it comes to air quality, pretty much assume your home has mold. And mold is very, it's a very serious thing to be aware of because it can actually mess with you psychologically. And any type of toxin actually elicits a systemic toxin result in the body. It's not just gonna impact one body system with your air, with your respiratory system, it actually elicits a full body physiological impact. Right? It says full body stress impact. So with air purification, it's absolutely essential to be purifying your air in the home. And there are a couple of air purifiers I recommend. I have a favorites page biohacking page where I share some of my top tech, but basically you gotta have an air purifier in your main living space when you're cooking, so the B.O.C.s with cooking, as well as in your living space, in your bedroom and in your office. And what I found in my research is we're talking about the scan and our radiance. So we all wanna look good, we all wanna feel good, we all wanna be projecting our best face forward and the why for enhancing our skin and looking at our best is actually comes down to confidence, which then allows us to build our community. We're all more powerful in numbers and David, you and I are part of a really special community of like-minded individuals who are willing to do that extra work with using technology, which I really commend you for the work you're doing. And for all of you listening, you guys are really on the right track here. So air purification in the home is important because particulates, heavy metals, debris, pollutants, mold, they can actually sit on the skin and disrupt the skin's keratinocyte stem cells. And that can manifest the skin inflammation, pigmentation, acne, eye irritation as well.  Well, okay. What's that? Next thing, water? Yes, exactly. So I'm sure you're familiar with structuring your water and that's definitely a practice I do. And I don't, I not only filter my water with river osmosis, you can also do distillation of your water too. But I find in the home that reverse osmosis systems, either whole home system or countertop system or system that's installed on your countertop are great. And then you'll just want to remineralize and structure. So I'm actually sipping on a superfood adaptogenic blend here and this just helps the body manage stress and then structuring your water takes it one step forward so that when you're drinking that water, it's actually bioavailable to your body. The water in your body is structured. The water in nature is structured. When it goes through those 90 degree pipes, the oxygen, hydrogen, bond angles actually change. So if you were to do a taste test of structured water versus non-structured water, you can actually taste the difference. Structured is smoother. So I would say structuring your water is something to do after you start to filter it. Do not drink tap water because of the biofilms in the water piping. A lot of piping also utilizes PVC piping, which emits phthalates. So at every turn, we want to be reducing toxins so that our mind is clear so that we can hear what our soul has to say and to do the work that we're here to do and also showering. Making sure that you at least have a really good filter. I can recommend a filter to shower with. Your skin won't be as dry. Your skin will be more clear. You might notice some acne start to clear up and your hair will also look better. But I see your beautiful head of hair, David. You got a beautiful head of hair there. So water purification is a must. I don't go in pools. I don't go in hot tubs. I never drink tap water at restaurants. Bring your own water. Or if you have to get a bottle of glass carbonated, but even that water is acidic as well. Are you restructuring waters with coils or something? Well, I have a... Oh, God, how many coils do I have in this house? Yes, I do use that. I also use some other technology. That's some colleagues and I have made two. It's a semi-proprietary arrangement of semi-precious stones and metals with an amplifier. You can structure water with lots of different types of technology. And then you can also program your water. And that's also an exciting part too. And our thoughts are so powerful. Our intentions are so powerful. So to be in a loving space, a space of love, that is going to help structure the water in your body. And then every time you take a drink, you can bless your water and structure it. You can also do that with water that you use to wash your face. I do some really interesting things with the water that I use after showering to put on my face with different minerals. More on that soon. Okay, that sounds very interesting. All right, so that's water. What else was there? Was there lighting? Lighting. Yeah, lighting is a really interesting topic right now because we're actually getting more exposure to blue light radiation more than ever.  However, what we're finding, what I found in my latest research article in oxidative stress status in the skin is that we're getting so much more exposure to blue light and it actually reaches deeper in the skin. You might not get a burn from it, but it does impact the skin cells and the DNA. So there's more light from TV and computer screens and phones? Exactly, yeah, exactly. So I have some lighting right now. And yes, if I do watch TV, which is very minimal, it's pretty much only movies. On the computer here or on my cell phone, I'm always wearing blue light blocking glasses. And the reason this is so important is, number one, I also have my skincare on. So cleanse, antioxidant serum, eye cream, neck cream, sunscreen, I do wear sunscreen every day on the high real estate areas of face, eyelids, neck, chest and hands. However, I'm in South Florida here and I love to get as much full body sun exposure as I can. And the interesting thing about me in my journey is I'm what you would consider if it's Patrick's skin type two. So typically I would go outside and burn or go pink in about 10 or 15 minutes. Now I can literally be outside all day and not go pink. And I really attribute that. Because of something else. It's truly because my oxidative stress status is so low that my body can actually handle the sun UV damage. I also take a ton of supplements. Tons of omegas, antioxidants, collagen. And I started to notice a couple of years ago when I really increased my antioxidant usage to support my immune health. That's what I noticed a massive difference with my sun tolerance change. I used to have to slather my body and sunscreen. Now I'm like, give it to me. You know, at the beach in the ocean here, getting that beautiful salt or cleansing tube for the human bio feels so good for you. So yeah, I highly recommend your skincare and sunscreen. I love high-resonaries and wearing blue light blocking glasses. However, the sun is so important and vital.  It's life force. Get those beautiful sun coats too. Let's not forget about that. But when we get our sunrise and sunset sun in our eyes, it's really great for a circadian rhythm. So it's going to help us sleep better. It's going to help with hormones. There's some really cool pathways in the eyes that respond to sunlight. So getting sunlight, first thing in the AM, first thing in the PM. I didn't say morning because we don't want to mourn the warning. I'm also very cognizant of the word choices that I use because, you know, words or programs essentially also. So yes, LEDs are something we're out of live with. However, if you can switch out your LEDs in your home, so say you have those socket lights, pocket lights, and LEDs, switch them to halogen and incandescent. Really important. I'm also going to write another paper on- No matter if you have LEDs that have different colors. There's still LEDs. So even though it's daylight frequency, it's not as good as- Not at all. No. Yeah, the LEDs emit a very narrow bandwidth of light, which is damaging to the skin. The eyes are actually seeing ocular diseases in individuals in their 40s. Actually, I have a girlfriend in Vancouver who she's 44 and she has to get cataracted. She has to get cataract surgery. This is an 80-year-old eye disease, right? Because I have 11 years in ophthalmology, oculoplastics. And so these things, like LED in particular, they disrupt our sleep, they make our skin age, they can contribute to hair loss and they're contributing to oculoplastics. There's no question. So skincare, blue light blocking glasses, and switch out as many LED lights in your home as you can go back in time to the halogen incandescent. It's pretty much like anything that is more convenient these days is, I hate to say killing us or trying to contribute to that. Yeah, so your electrician will look at you sideways or your partner when you say, honey, we gotta switch these lights, but trust me, when you drive past a home that has LEDs, it's gonna look kind of like blue and white, not so warm and inviting. Then you drive past a home with halogen lighting. It just looks so golden and cozy. And there's a reason for that. It's a totally different spectrum of light. That's good. All right, so that's not too difficult to implement, just change light bulbs. Yep, I wear the glasses, but not all glasses are created equally as well. And I do have my prescription in these. So the blue light coating from your optometrist is not adequate or a lot of the blue light blockers you'll find on these third-party auction websites.  And you can see the blue lights. It's not blocking blue light, right? So there's a lot of low-quality ones out there. So there's only really two brands that I do like for blue light blockers. And these things are indestructible. And then at different times of the day, you can actually just clip on as little magnets here, different filters for different times of the day. So you don't need multiple glasses, right? Daytime, evening, nighttime, super convenient. And they're pretty well-priced too. Actually less expensive. Getting prescription with these than my optometrist. All right, yeah. We can learn more about that later. All right, the next one is, what was it? I forgot. Electromagnetics, this is your damn. Yes, electromagnetics, I would say is the smoking of our generation. Yeah, just to be really honest about that. So I was this, I think it was about 2015, 2017. I started to investigate this and I found on big nationwide website that about 15% of the population were electromagnetically hypersensitive. Now, you know, last year when I was writing this paper, I tried to go back, he's not there anymore. And since then, we've had very different technologies for all that 3G, 5G, you know what's next, right? And the human biofield is really sensitive to electromagnetics. And the eyes, the skin is actually studies that I reference that electromagnetics actually contribute to skin redness and irritation and ocular diseases. So hello, cataracts, right? Same with LEDs, same with EMFs. The higher your oxidative stress status is, the fuller your toxic bucket, there's actually research to show that the more susceptible we are to being electromagnetically hypersensitive. So what do you do? David, I know you do this. You do your Tai Chi and she's going outside barefoot. Just go barefoot. I did that right before this call here. Barefoot, 30 to 45 minutes.  So we're actually seeing blood clotting with electromagnetics where the red blood cells stick together, they form chains called RULO. You get clotting, you don't get good oxygenation to your brain.  And then you're also going to be better able to detox too, because your blood can carry out those toxins from metabolic waste products. I think we're gonna find a lot more about electromagnetics. So one of the things I love about the work that you're doing, David, is that you're basically creating technology to create a field around you, which is so imperative. It's a huge part of my life, what I do all day every day in my home. The vibes are so good. And then having that, there are beautiful ways to use technology. So not all technology is bad. It's just, you know, what's the frequency of it. So when you can program the frequency to actually be harmonious with the body to reach the sleep using different frequencies to clear out things like parasites and other pathogens. Stuff does exist. So you use it and help us sleep better. All these things when our bodies are in really good fields and, you know, the fields of energy that work with say VBM, vortex-based mathematics and our body is a conductor of this energy because of how much water we have in it. And then it charges mitochondria, which gives us more energy too. So the less scrambled the energies are around us, say from the sine waves in our homes, the better chance you have. So one of the best ways that I shield myself from electromagnetics being in the world, but not out of the world, I actually wear EMF mitigation clothing all the time. Silver threaded clothing, if I'm driving, traveling, whatever, I'll actually wear them under my beautiful dresses. And actually coming out with a line, with a fashion line, pretty soon. Yeah, yeah, that's in the works too, some more. Okay, let me tell you something. The EMF clothing right now is very much geared for men. When I wear my stuff, it kind of looked like I'm ready for the, you know, I'm ready to go on Star Trek. So I'm looking to create some more beautiful options. And it just, it feels like so, but not all EMF clothing is created equally. So I do have some recommendations for that. So shielding your body first and foremost is great, scrounding your body outside, having excellent technology in your home to support healthier sine waves because the electrical circuitry in the home is going to give you scrambled sine waves, right? And that's going to impact your body, but simple grounding, getting outside, you know, it's so important. And then yeah, the detoxing is super key. So when you purify your air water lighting electromagnetics and you're doing regular parasitic detoxing, yeast, fungi, having metal detoxing, getting in your sauna a couple of times a week, using your own cook bath, which uses tassel coil, which is pretty cool. Actually use tassel coils to pull cellular fragments out of the body. Don't need to be their senescent cells, they serve as zombie cells. And they actually tell other cells in your body to sort of behave inappropriately too. So we do have to work regularly at detoxing the same pair of different supplements, different techniques. Yeah, so let me know any other questions you have for me. Yeah, well, there's one more, wasn't there? Was that the heavy metals or was it something else, electromagnetic? So purifying our air water lighting electromagnetics and detoxing, super important. These are the five key things. The detoxing bit, you can use technology to do that like what you have for different organisms and parasites, which I absolutely love, because everything has a frequency. If you can figure out what that frequency is in target, you're off to the races. And then getting the body in a highly alkaline state, taking senolytics. Senolytics has basically been a huge discovery in the longevity space to consume senolytics to basically prune out the leaves on a tree that have changed color. Get those out of the way every 21 days or so is what's recommended with some of the products I use. And then the rest of the tree makes better foliage, more fruit, feels better, looks better, all of that stuff. So you do all those things. Combine that with good skin care, the auto-rejuvenation thing here and there, and you are going to be well ahead of the pack. Right. So it seems that there's a lot of things to do. It's quite simple, but it could be overwhelming to someone who is just starting out, learning about all this biohacking stuff. So what do you recommend to somebody who, what are the baby steps that you mentioned like to get started with this? Start with your water. Start with getting some air purifier. Start with purifying your water. And just, you don't have to spend a ton of money to do these things either. Just slowly incorporate them in alignment with your values, your budget, your lifestyle. I do have a really easy free guide to help people kind of step by step with to focus on as well. But it takes time and sure it can sound overwhelming at first, but I'm telling you, this is what it takes in today's world to be a beautiful, high-vibrating human, to clear out the toxins, clear out all those things in our environment that are there to mess with us. We're exposed to a lot more than we used to be. And now that you have this awareness, you'll just kind of know going back. Right, yes. So thank you so much. I think you're setting an example for a lot of people and you show the results yourself. You have a beautiful hair, your skin is beautiful, and your energy is beautiful. And we know that it works because you are your best product. Oh, thank you, David. Yeah, there's a lot more too to the radiance as well with really understanding ourselves, where we come from, what our background is, some of the different programs that we have, either things that we want or things that we don't want. There's a lot of work to do with that too, is staying pure on many different channels, actually. Not just in the physical one. Radiating in the more spiritual and deeper level. Absolutely, absolutely. If you go to the Bible, there's scriptures of Jesus being depicted as his bones vibrating. And you see images of different people from thousands of years ago, they have halo around them. What do you think that is? It's radiance. Yeah, it's radiance, yeah. 100%. I just didn't quite know how to depict it. So the whole thing about radiance is we can actually use this as a tool to find other people like us. So I go to events and I have people come up to me and they say, Rachel, just your energy, I want to come and talk to you. I saw you in the room, just want to come and say hi. And before it used to be, oh, your skin's so great, what products do you use? What sign are you wearing? The way that people are responding to me are totally different. And now when I say I speak in an event or go somewhere, I have the right people show up at the right time in the right way. It is so beautiful to witness. And so when you're on this path, sometimes it can be a little bit lonely when you're first starting out before you've started cultivating your community. So when you get that confidence up, you're gonna be more able to go out there and protect yourself from things and then also be available to open up to some other incredible souls that are here to support you in ways that you just might not know yet. Feel free to ask me any other questions because I'm a huge nerd in the space of EBM and coils and technology and how it impacts the skin and consciousness. This is a huge part of my world. And the more people that know about this technology and in particular what you're creating, the better, right? Because it's not just to help with the body system, it's also to help with the soul and consciousness which then inevitably supports the body systems. So I'd love to hear from you, David. Let's turn the tables a little bit. What do you see in regards with your technology with skin? Well, we actually have skin rejuvenation frequencies. We have a whole collection of them for anti-aging, for skin rejuvenation, for beauty, for like detox. We have the prayer site collection. So those are great. Obviously, I use my cheekbones every day, 30 minutes per day, but we also use red light therapy. We have red light therapy panels. There's some specific frequencies that you can set on a panel because it can pulse at different rates. And depending on how fast it pulse, then it goes deeper and affects different systems off your skin or your internal organs. So I use that. So I basically have a whole stack of technology that I use on a regular basis, adding that to Qigong that I do every morning. I mean, every, what did you say? Beginning of the day? Is that what you're saying? It's 8 a.m. Yes, we do it in the morning, morning. Yeah, I caught on on that. So in the 8 a.m., I do the Qigong meditation and sometimes when I go out and walk my dog, I'm doing Qigong every time. So every day I'm doing a bunch of stuff. So it's kind of like a part of the lifestyle. So for the skin, I use a little bit of skincare, but I don't think that this is the result of just that. Obviously, it's a combination of all the above. And then going further, talking about the deeper side of things, like this original side of things. What I found was that's kind of special that I think I just had done more research than other people is the effects of the different winding pattern. There's many... Yeah, lots of different tack are winded differently, they're coated differently. Right, so there's not a lot of many coils, but what I've designed these to do is to imitate the yin and the yang forces that are throughout the universe. They're written or talked about and taught in all the ancient texts. It's the basis of TCM, traditional Chinese medicine. And what I found was that depending on which way they face and also whether they're wound in the yang pattern or yin pattern, they have different effects. And then there's different ways to configure them on the body to have different effects as well. So that's very interesting because what I found is this one that's a specific configuration I discovered wherever you put one on top of the head in a specific yang pattern and the yin and your seats, you get this lengthening of your spine. It's like your kunding meditation, they call it, right? But in Qigong, it's called Zhang Ding or in Tai Chi it's called Zhang Ding, which means the ultimate or the single point of alignment. That's a translation for it. And I experienced that during my meditation, during my Tai Chi, when I used the coils, I was like, well, there's the same feeling I got without doing anything. I'm just sitting here and I'm getting that same alignment and the same, the energetic focusing of that energy. Oh yeah, I totally hear what you're saying with the winding and then on one side of the coil, it feels one way and on another, it feels another way. Yeah, I love this space and I love what people are doing with experimenting with the patterns of winding and also what they're coating the copper coiling with. And I have felt this, what you're talking about with holding, some of the most cutting-edge coils that are being made today by leading scientists, holding it to my heart and feeling the difference from one side to another. It was like, on one side, I didn't really feel very much and then I flipped over the coil and this is a big coil. I just felt my heart happy. And I absolutely love that's what you do with Qigong. I'm actually gonna be starting Qigong next week. Very excited. I had a new radiant friend say, hey, one of my friends teaches Qigong at the local rec center. She's excellent, you should go to check her out. It's so perfect. I have a wonderful new sense to teach me who he is very, very well experienced because Qigong actually in some of my spiritual readings in the past, something very important for me to get more grounding in. And so yoga and Qigong are actually grounding methods. And with grounding the body, you're also going to be mastering your nervous system. If your nervous system is out of whack, right? You are basically triggered by anything and everything. So that's why cold therapy can actually be really good in the AM. So cold shower in the AM, tones that vagus nerve, having that cold water blasted on your face or going to the ocean in Western Canada does the same thing. I would do about seven minutes up to my neck for a pain. And then the hot therapy in the evening before bed. So again, balancing those two aspects of our self, masculine, feminine, the yin, the yang. And my TCM, he was actually the one that clued me into the fact that I was doing too much cold therapy and it was putting my body into as much as was survival state. So it's all about balance with all of these different biohacking options. Red light therapy is usually what people go to first when they think of biohackings. They think, yeah, these people, you know, these really cool red lights, love red light therapy, definitely has a place. However, I would say that purification of your environment, air water, lighting, electromagnetics, detoxing, using technology like yourself is where I would go first and then adding things in like red light therapy, contrast therapy and all these other, you know, there's so much tech as well that is utilized in the biohacking space for feedback, for the brain that, you know, I found really work and have some great scientific data behind them too, but you can get kind of lost in the biohacking world. And for all of you listening to us on our intention is to just kind of mention things that could spark something in your awareness to learn more about. I mean, what better is there to learn more about than helping our body, mind, spirit, energy glow from within so that we will have better exchanges with ourselves and also those we interact with.  It's gonna be cool for your listeners to hear too. My intention has always been to unlock my potential and to reach my potential. You can see actually on my wall, it's got this Chinese calligraphy and that's basically it's like self-improvement. So always improving yourself. And I think my potential is to get this technology to the world and help heal the world with it in a real concrete measurable and predictable way that everybody can do with or without effort and make it easy for people to counteract all the toxins in the world and negative energy that's being spread out and being propagated to basically eliminate that or just displace that with the positive energy. Raising the frequency of the planet and the frequency of individuals of communities because there's a rising tide that raises all ships. And if we had more people with a high vibration like yourself and with a community, we can do a lot of good by and actually improve the planet, even its environment and the damage that's being done to the planet right now. I really like how you said that with balancing, right? There's always good, there's always bad, there's always dark, there's always light. So for you and I, and for a lot of you listening, we're here to bring the light, we're here to bring the good, we're here to bring the positivity, the consciousness expansion. And when you're doing this work, it's not for the weak-hearted or the weak-minded. There's a lot of challenges that go into making technology like yourself, like what you've done. And what I like to do is actually test the technology. So I have a really cool piece of tech that I use that actually measures the human biofield that uses purely on photography called the Biowell. It is exclusive to practitioners. So I'm able to get my hands on it as a registered nurse. And a lot of energy medicine practitioners utilize this primarily in Europe. And what's really cool is that it has a lot of different TCM points to it. So it measures the photons coming off of your fingertips. That's why you know, Qi Gong and Tai Chi and martial artists, they have very good electromagnetic projection of energy coming off their first two fingers. You know this, there's actually technology that can measure the, basically the photon discharge, the vectors amplitude and then put it in a computer program, extrapolate it, see your human biofield. It gives you an alignment visualization of your chakras and different TCM points. So once I get my hands on some of your tech, I'm gonna be testing it with the Biowell. And you know, I do this, right? On multiple people, I do studies all the time. So happy to share that research with you. Yeah, that'll be great. Yeah, I had one, I gave it to my chiropractor friend. But yeah, I know it, that is pretty interesting. Yeah, we kind of amazed like it's actually energy coming out from my fingers and you can measure it. Yeah. I know.  It's so cool. And it just, it really makes me excited for the future of what's gonna come with this technology because we're seeing this stuff come out at very fast rates. And there's been some new discoveries, even just over the last couple of days too with Sintak, I'm really excited to share.  And then, you know, it'll just keep spiraling in a really beautiful way to impact morsels to help them be more balanced, centered, grounded and aligned and be more beautiful and radiant. That's beautiful and radiant, amazing. So how do people find more about you? Yeah, well everything you can find me at rachelvarga.ca, that website is going to be catching an upgrade as well with the name. But if you just go to rachelvarga.ca, that will point you where you need to go. And then be sure to tune in on your favorite podcast, your podcast platform on the Always Radiant Skin podcast. When you listen on the podcast application, you'll get more of my solo episodes where it's, you know, a lot of actually downloads and solo interviews, solo sessions with myself. And then I also host interviews with some of the brightest minds in the functional wellness biohacking space, hosted, you know, well over 600 interviews. And when you do these interviews, David, isn't it so fun, what we get to learn from one another? Yeah, I've learned a lot today. Yeah, and then I do have a free guide head on over to rachelvarga.ca, jump on my newsletter, you'll get access to some of my free, I have five free guides, actually, one of them is nine keys to slowing aging. And you can also go over to skincarechecklist.com to get some of my easy skincare insights, so whatever products you're using now, just to help you use them a little bit more appropriately. But the podcast is really where my heart and soul is, the Always Radiant Skin podcast. You can book a one-on-one session with me at rachelvarga.ca. We can talk about what products you're using, give you some at home and clinic guidance. And then I have seasonal skin care programs, did you have to use products? And the School of Radiance, theschoolofradiance.com is truly where I share a lot of the behind the scenes stuff. So I don't typically publicly talk about a lot of the different energy tech that I use for various reasons. I mean, I don't have to explain that. So the School of Radiance is really where I take you behind the scenes with a lot of the different tech that I use. It's just a more closed, sacred container. Right, that's a lot. And it looks like you're helping a lot of people on lots of different levels. So there you go. Go check it out. Go to rachelvarga.ca and get her tips and guides and book an appointment with her and check out our podcast. So thank you, Rachel. It was fun and look forward to talking to you real soon. You too. Thank you, David. Thank you for participating in some of you. We do this. Use the chi and prosper. Use the chi and prosper, my friend.


Hachette Audio presents Talking to Strangers, written and read by Malcolm Gladwell. Talking to strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. For Graham Gladwell, 1934 to 2017. What you are about to hear is a different kind of audiobook. This is a book about strangers and what it means to understand them, and so I thought it did not make sense to follow the standard practice of just reading my words into a microphone. Instead, whenever possible, when I quote someone, I'll let you hear their words in their voice. When I talk about something that happened in the news whenever possible, I'll let you hear directly what happened. Think of this as an audiobook with the polish of a well-produced podcast, like my own revisionist history, to name just one example. Talking to strangers also has a theme song, Janelle Monnet's Hell You Tom Bout. I was almost finished with my book when I first heard that song, and I thought, I cannot publish Talking to Strangers without it, and so it appears throughout, and I think it sets the tone and theme perfectly, as you will hear. Thank you to Janelle Monnet and her team for lending their music to my words. Introduction Step out of the car In July 2015, a young African American woman named Sandra Bland drove from her hometown of Chicago to a little town an hour west of Houston. She was interviewing for a job at Prairie View A&M University, a school she had graduated from a few years before. She was tall and striking, with a personality to match. She belonged to the Sigma Gamma Rose sorority in college and played in the marching band. She volunteered with a seniors group. She regularly posted short inspirational videos on YouTube. Under the handle, Sandy Speaks. They often began, good morning my beautiful kings and queens. Good afternoon my kings and queens. I am up today just praising God, thanking his name, definitely thanking him, not just because it's my birthday, but thanking him for growth, thanking him for the different things that he has done in my life over this past year, but just looking back. Sample complete, ready to continue?


Okay, Joes and Joettes, Bidens and Bidets, I have a message for you. I have a message for you and it's an important one. If you have a narcissist in your life, stand back.  And if you have any kind of hair left, dye it orange. Orange is the new black. Orange is the future. Now, many of you have complained that there was a sound of drilling. Very strong drilling sound in yesterday's video. It bothered you. You don't like to hear sounds of drilling, but it was not drilling.  My name is Sam Vaknin. I'm the author of Malignan Self-Law, Narcissism Revisited and a professor of psychology and a professor of finance in several universities around this shrinking globe. And today I'm going to bring you another palette of frivolities and foibles from the world of the narcissist.  So the first question, what do I anticipate after the pandemic in terms of mental health? I'll make it very brief because I've dealt with it in other videos, hint, hint. I anticipate three waves. I think the first wave would be a wave of mood and anxiety disorders. I think the second wave would be a wave of personality disorders, especially cluster B personality disorders. There will be the pandemic and the measures adopted as a result of the pandemic or in order to forestall the pandemic. All these put together create a normal stress and a normal anxiety and trigger narcissistic and even psychopathic defiant defenses. They are known as reactants. So that will be the second phase, the second wave. And the third wave, I think, people who are prone to psychosis are going to develop psychotic disorders. So, for example, border lines are very likely to develop psychotic disorders, even some narcissists, especially some subtypes of covert narcissists. But many other people, people with underlying schizo- schizophrenia-like, schizo-phrenic form disorders and so on, I think these people are going to ultimately develop psychotic disorders in the wake of this pandemic. Next question. What do I think about a smear campaign? There is the possibility that we can reframe the narcissist smear campaign. We can think of it in classical terms. Smear campaign is a manifestation and an expression of the narcissist's underlying fundamental evil. The narcissist is bad, narcissist is wicked, narcissist is satanic. I mean, just look at me. And because of that, he engages in untoward practices such as smear campaigns. But we can think about it differently. Perhaps a narcissist is engaging in a smear campaign because it's trying to shift from internal modification to external modification. In other words, a narcissist who feels bad about himself, who is ego-distonic, and we discussed that in the previous video. Such a narcissist would feel very uncomfortable because he is not used to feel responsible, he is not used to guilt and shame, regret and remorse. These are novel experiences and not welcome ones. So such analysis forcibly tries to shift from internal modification. I'm bad, I'm guilty, I have misbehaved to an external modification. They are bad, they are guilty, they should be ashamed of themselves. They engage in misconduct, they mistreated me, they abuse me. So to move from internal to external modification. One of the tools possibly is the smear campaign. The smear campaign creates an echo chamber. The narcissist goes to his friends, he says, wow, my wife is horrible. They say, yeah, she is horrible, you're right. So he gets kind of validation. He validates his dim view, his denigrating view of the other and it makes it easier for him to transition from an internal modification. It's all my fault, I misbehaved to an external modification. It's all their fault, they misbehaved. The smear campaign gains the narcissist and garners and genders reactions that support the narcissist's new modification, external modification, support the narcissist's view that he is surrounded by monsters, that he is a saint, or in other words, that he is a victim. The smear campaign reasserts and buttresses the narcissist's view of himself as a victim. Now this doesn't happen in the bargaining phase because in the bargaining phase, as I've said in the previous video, in the bargaining phase the narcissist accepts that he had created the dismal circumstances in which he had found himself. He understands that he is responsible. He put things in motion. He pushed everyone away from him. He caused his wife to cheat on him. I mean, he realizes that he is the primum movens, the prima causa, the first cause of everything that had happened. And in a way it comforts him in the bargaining phase because he wants to feel in control. He wants to feel that whatever is being done to him is done to him because he had initiated it. He used everyone as a pawn, as a device, as a machine. He put things in motion. So in the bargaining phase, the narcissist is very unlikely to transition from internal modification to external modification because internal modification provides him with succor, renders him in control. But during the shared fantasy it's a different story. During the shared fantasy, the narcissist is very likely to engage in a smear campaign, is very likely to bed-mouth his intimate partner, his business partner, whoever participated in the shared fantasy. Anyone who exits the shared fantasy is likely to be subjected to such a treatment, to such a procedure, to a smear campaign or to bed-mouthing because the narcissist in the shared fantasy needs to shift the blame. He needs to transition from internal modification to external modification because he loves the shared fantasy. He wants to stay in it. He wants to sustain and maintain it. He doesn't want anyone to leave, to exit, to abandon the shared fantasy or him. In the bargaining phase, the narcissist is instrumental. He's goal-oriented. He wants to push people away. He wants to get rid of his girlfriend, his intimate partner, his spouse. He wants to dismantle a business he has with someone or to seize some kind of collaboration. He's very goal-oriented. Whatever he does, his abuse, his mistreatment, his maltreatment, humiliating other people, sadistically taunting them, teasing, everything. All these behaviors are intended to push people away. And when he succeeds to push people away, he feels that he had accomplished his goal. He feels in control. That's in the bargaining phase. Not so in the shared fantasy. The shared fantasy. When people abandon the narcissist, he feels really, really bad and rejected. The thing is that everyone wants from the narcissist something that he's unable to give. Consider, for example, women in a heterosexual couple. I keep emphasizing, I talk about men when actually it applies equally to women.  So heterosexual men, heterosexual narcissists. Consider women, for example. A woman wants a man. She wants a man as a life partner. She doesn't want a child. Never mind how delightful the child. She doesn't want a child. She's not looking for a child.  She wants intimacy. She wants adult intimacy. And it's impossible to accomplish with a child. Similarly, she doesn't want a stern, disciplinarian, strict and harsh father. And these are the only two roles that the narcissist can play. He can be a delightful child, very cute and sprightly. Or he can be a stern, harsh, sadistic father. A kind of projection and reification of the inner critic.   It's very difficult to have sex with your own father. Assuming these roles within the diet, within the couple, gradually precludes sex, creates what we call sex aversion. To a woman, the narcissist is a child or a father.  To his stakeholders, to his clients, to his suppliers, to his partners is also a failure because he cannot provide a full-fledged, all-rounded role application. He cannot play social roles effectively. And so consequently, people put boundaries with the narcissist and there are several types of boundaries. There's a classic boundary. The classic boundary is a rule of conduct.  And if they misbehave, if they violate the boundary, informing other people what the cost will be, what are the sanctions, what is the price of breaking and breaching the boundary. Similarly, what are the rewards if the boundaries observed? There are other types of boundaries. For example, there are defensive boundaries. Defensive boundaries are boundaries that intended to keep things out away. So for example, confirmation bias is a defensive boundary against information. Confirmation bias means that you reject, ignore, repress and suppress any information, any information or data that challenge your self-image or self-perception. That's a boundary. Aggression is a boundary in effect. Aggressive behaviors are boundaries. They set a clear perimeter that demarcates there's a border there, guarded, protected and shielded by your aggression. Reactance defines these are boundaries. And so on. So there are many boundaries. We use boundaries against the narcissist. Luckily for the narcissist, he is able to recover speedily even after modification because he's not really rejected. He's not really rejected because he never fulfills any roles. If he fulfills a single role, we'll talk about it in a minute because I'm going to discuss today the cerebral narcissist in the shared fantasy. So a narcissist, somatic, cerebral doesn't matter. Usually fulfills a single role. He could be a guru. He could be a stud, could be a child, could be a father. But he never fulfills a gamut or panoply or smogged board of roles all together. A healthy person, typically healthy person, neuro-typical, usually fulfills multiple roles simultaneously. So he can be a friend, a father, a husband and a lover. The narcissist can't. He is a single trick pony, single trick horse. So he can never be a true intimate partner. He can fulfill a certain function and that's it. So when the woman is rejecting the narcissist, for example, in a romantic shared fantasy, the woman exits in a variety of ways. We discussed that. She can cheat on him, she can betray him, she can just walk away. When the woman rejects the narcissist, she is not rejecting his presence because he's never present. He's never present except along a very specific dimension with a very specific role, very specific function, a sliver, so he's never truly fully present. So when she rejects him, she's not rejecting his presence. She's rejecting his absence. When a woman cheats on the narcissist, she is not cheating on his presence. She's cheating on his absence. She's not cheating on his intimacy. She's cheating on his lack of intimacy. She rejects the narcissist's single function because she's looking for someone who can provide multiple functions. Of course, the narcissist are not, I mean, vast majority of them are not idiots. They realize this, they realize and accept and prepare themselves, anticipate the constant losses. They mourn their inability to hold on to people. And they can't understand fully what, how do they provoke people all the time to hurt them? People do their worst to hurt the narcissist. And narcissist is kind of flabbergasted because he reframes and recasts himself. He writes narratives in which he's a saint or perfect or very, very generous and altruistic. And he can't understand when people hurt him, his spouse, his business partner, his colleagues, his neighbors, his, when people go to extremes to cause the narcissist pain and discomfort, the narcissist is discombobulated.  And he attributes this to his uniqueness. He says, because they can't understand me, I cannot be understood, I cannot be known because I'm, you know, I'm so superior. I'm outside the remit and the periphery of these people's experiences, daily experiences. These people, I mean, they can't, I'm inaccessible to them.  I'm Godlike a bit. My false self is definitely Godlike. And so people can't understand me because they cannot understand me, they feel envious. Or they feel intimidated and frightened. Or they feel inadequate. I cause, the narcissist tells himself, he says to himself, my mere superiority, my mere hyper-intelligence, my mere enormous intellect, my mere handsome looks, my mere advantages, they cause people such discomfort, such humiliation, such injury that people want to pay back. They want to revenge and avenge themselves. They wanna punish me, but they're punishing me not because of something I've done, but because of who I am, because of my identity which is so far removed from their daily life that they try to destroy me. They want to destroy me because I keep frustrating them with my displays of omnipotence and omniscience. My grandiosity is justified. It's not a confabulation, it's not a fable, it's not a story, it's not a narrative, it's true. I am superior.  I cannot be loved by mere mortals because I'm immoral. My abuse in this way, with this story, the abuse that the narcissist experiences and he does experience abuse. Everyone around the narcissist abuses him. It's reactive, of course. The narcissist is first to abuse, but then they abuse him back. And he explains this abuse in this way. And so it becomes egocintonic. He can live with it, you know? Now, people ask me about supply, secondary, primary, they're very confused. Primary supply is anything that causes the narcissist supply. So it's attention, adulation, duration. It's a flashy car. It's a new job, you know, president of the United States. It's something that causes him, it's an instrument to obtain attention. So if you get a new job and it's a superior job, I mean, you get attention and also have power, access to sex, to money. Money garners attention, et cetera, et cetera. So anything that can lead to attention is primary supply. Secondary narcissistic supply is not the same. Now, you as the narcissist insignificant other is intimate partner, you cannot provide him with primary supply, only with secondary supply. Secondary supply has several functions.  You keep it stable.    You recall the narcissist moments of glory and glamour and victory and triumph. And you re-broadcast, you reruns, it's like reruns of series, you know, you re-broadcast this to the narcissist when he's low, when the narcissist fails to obtain supply. Supply is deficient. He's mocked, he's ridiculed, he's abandoned, he's shunned, he's, I don't know what. You tell him, do you remember how wonderful your lecture was? Do you remember meeting the president of Russia?  It's like water to a plant, a shriveling plant and that is secondary supply. But you provide the narcissist with secondary supply.  You are the narcissist's favorite target to gratify his sadistic impulses if he has them. It's very important to understand that only a small minority of narcissists are sadists and only a small minority of them need sadistic supply. That's a big glass of wine. Vaknin, you, why no? Get on with the lecture. Sorry, sorry, old chap. Here we go. So you provide primary supply in the sense that you are the favorite target. If he wants to humiliate, you humiliate someone. If he wants sadistic sex, if he wants to taunt and torture and torment and tease, if he wants to put someone down in order to feel superior, et cetera, you will be the natural default choice. And he needs access to your body and he needs access to your body because he wants to masturbate with your body. He masturbates with your body. It's very important to understand. No narcissist has sex, not cerebral, not somatic, not covert, not inverted. There's no type of narcissist who makes love. Because they are incapable of love. And there's no type of narcissist who has sex. All narcissists die virgins because what they do with your body is they masturbate with it. You're an object.  Or if the narcissist is a woman, you're an animated dildo. Animated, vibrated. That's all you are. And the second reason they want access to your body is that they despoil your body. They soil your body. They humiliate you via your body. The body is a visible emblem of sadistic humiliation. They do certain things to your body that reify, exemplify and manifest pain, hurt, humiliation, inferiority, submission, but in a bad way. Not like in BDSM, where it's consensual and great fun. But in a rape-like thing, it's very close to rape, actually.  These are the services you are supposed to provide.   You're the target of sadistic supply. And you're supposed to tell the narcissist how great he is, how wonderful he is, how victorious he is. Every time he's down, that's regulation of supply. And you're supposed to always be there when he needs you. On call, you're like on standby. So not a very appetizing job description, mind you.  Let's start by saying that the somatic narcissist, compared to the cerebral narcissist, is totally normal. Because the somatic narcissist loves everything you love.  For him, it's masturbation, but it doesn't matter. He likes this. He desires you. He finds you irresistible because he needs your bodies. He's a body snatcher, the somatic narcissist. But at least he wants your body. He usually likes to have a good time. He's a social drinker. He's gregarious. So the somatic narcissist is much more human than the cerebral narcissist. Much more human. He's vampiric. He's exploitative. He's autoerotic. A bit of a latent homosexual. I mean, he has his quirks. He has his quirks and his glitches and his bugs. So true, but he's much more human than the cerebral narcissist. And so the cerebral narcissist is really, seriously alien. There is very, very little in common. And I'm saying it as a professor of psychology with full responsibility. I don't want to say authority. But I'm judiciously using these words. The cerebral narcissist has so little in common with normal healthy human beings that I hesitate to call him human. It's an organism. It's carbon-based. And it has all the wetwear and software. It has a brain. It has a liver. It has, I mean, it's okay. In the anatomical sense, it's human, but not much more than that. The cerebral narcissist is one trick insufferably haughty, delusional and entitled pony force. He is not God's gift to the world. God is his gift to the world. You get it? The cerebral offer is a front row seat to the pyrotechnics of his 40 and intellect. So this is his gift. It says to you, listen, you get close to me and you become my intimate partner, for example. You become my business partner. You become my audience in a lecture. I'm going to give you the show of your life.  Relax and consume me. Because I'm at the ultimate drug. My intelligence, my brain, my mind, they are the ultimate drug. Mind or tree, they're like virtual reality. They're like augmented reality. They're like the matrix. Enter the matrix. So when you have a front row, if you're my spouse, if you're my...  And it's pyrotechnical. It's like fireworks, you know. But that's it.  The cerebral narcissist gives nothing else besides, not sex, not commitment, not investment, warmth, family, home, children, empathy, attentiveness, attention, decor, support, friendship, intimacy, socializing, good time, leisure activities, positive emotions. Love, forget about it. None of these things are forthcoming from the cerebral narcissist.  And also, you're foolish. It's a fool's errand to try to extricate or motivate the cerebral narcissist to any of these behaviors and traits. He doesn't have it in him. His mind has been molded at such an early stage of his life, molded and deformed to an extent that is utterly irreversible and irrevocable. It reminds me that there were nomads, vagabonds in Europe. They were called compachycosis. Compachycosis, they used to steal babies. They used to put them in bottles. The baby grew in the shape of the bottle. As the baby grew up, you know, became older, the bottle broke the bones of the baby.  Baby in the shape of the bottle. This is the cerebral narcissist. He's invariably abusive and contemptuous of everyone and sometimes statistically so, precisely because he thinks the only thing that matters are intelligence, intellect, analytical capacity. He honestly and firmly believes that it is an extreme privilege for you just to witness and admire his intelligence in action. He's modified, utterly modified and that's narcissistic modification. It's just far more common among cerebrons. He's modified when you, his intimate partner, cheat on him. Cheat on him with other men who are considerably less endowed than him intellectually. Like, he is the apex. He is the epitome. He is the top. How could you have settled for someone, the man you had cheated with, who is less than him, less intelligent than him, less sharp, less analytical, less prescient, less omniscient? How could you? How could you go for someone who is so vastly, manifestly inferior to him intellectually? He's shocked. He can't digest it. He can't understand it because in his world the absolute only thing that matters is the intellect, intelligence, analysis. So when people shun the cerebral noses, when they label him a failure and a loser, he doesn't know how to cope with this. He's a self-imputed genius. How can they think this?   This just proves it. These conclusions serve to prove that they are retarded because no one in his right mind would have missed the signals of his genius. And when he fails to get the job that he was angling for after a job interview, I mean, he's besides himself. Jesus. How am I going to survive in this world?   I can't survive him. I wish I were born on another planet. He says I'm a Vulcan, a Vulcanian, a Star Trek. The cerebral noses cannot grasp that for intelligence to be meaningful to other people, the intelligence must be embedded in emotions, in empathy. The intellect must come replete with social skills and with the capacity for teamwork. Intelligence alone, all by itself, solipsistic intelligence, an intellect that doesn't come with the ability to exercise it with other people. They are utterly meaningless. They might as well not exist. They are the equivalent of a, I don't know, smartphone. He doesn't get it. He simply can't get it. He feels so entitled. He says people have to accommodate me. They have to modify their behaviors because what I'm bringing to the table is unprecedented. It's divine. It's unique. And people have to recognize this and they have to change. The world has to change. The workplace has to change. My wife has to change. Everyone has to change and modify and transmogrify and transform if they want to benefit, if they want to reap the fruits of the amazing gift that I've been given. Moreover, as far as his spouse or partner are concerned, there is this issue of intelligence and intellect and so on. I mean, to make any lasting sense, to make any meaningful impression, the cerebral narcissist, cognitive analytical prowess, must be somehow transformable. He must somehow pass it on. So, one way to pass it on is to communicate, but then the cerebral narcissist is intentionally non-communicative. He is on purpose. He uses language that is inaccessible to most people, incomprehensible even. He uses jargon or lingo or... He would make it very, very difficult for people to understand him because he believes that obscurity, arcane language, proves that he's superior, proves that he has access to knowledge and information that other people don't. Put him above the madding crowd. And so, that's one way. One way for an intelligence or an intellect to be meaningful is that it's communicated, but there's another way to communicate it. By procreating, by having children.  Kind of a blip or a glitch that keeps repeating itself, like a pulsar or a quasar in the universe. A pulsar. These are rotating stars that send pulses. The pulses ultimately become, you know, at the beginning it's very exciting and so. You know, after six years of pulses you get a bit tired. If you are hyper-intelligent, super-intelligent and you communicate your intelligence, it has impact. It affects people. It alters lives for the better. You know what? Forget lives. It changes the world one way or another.     A circus act. And how many times can you see the same circus act? You get boring. You become boring. You become tedious. And most cerebral noses with their endless soliloquies, soliloquies and monologues, they become very boring and very tedious. Trust me. Sometimes I bore even myself. And I'm my biggest fan by far and still I bore myself to death. I need a drink. Vakni, do you know why? No. Get on with the lecture. Yes, sir. So the childless cerebral noses is a hoarder. He hoards his gift. He's so jealous. So envious that he refuses to share his gift even by his own progeny. He doesn't want... And when they do have children, they're jealous of them. They're envious. They're very destructive this way. They compete with their own children. Even when the children are very young, the competition rears its ugly head. Okay. I have received many comments that had indicated that the structure that I had described in my previous video was not entirely clear. Surprise, surprise there. Let me try to elucidate and this time in a skeletal way, like a skeleton, without my usual pompous verbose flourishes. Here, I did it again. So to start with, the narcissist approaches you and then avoids you. If you want to understand the governing principle of your alleged ostensible relationship with the narcissist, its approach avoidance, repetition, compulsion. The narcissist is afraid of you.   So the narcissist regards everyone as a potential menace.  Approach, avoidance, approach, avoidance. An endless, perpetual, mobile machine like a piston in a train, in a locomotive. So it all starts with the grooming and love-bombing and the grooming and love-bombing phase includes false promises, lies, confabulations. Why? Because if the narcissist were to show his true face, let alone his true intentions, no one would come near him. So he has to lie, he has to pretend, he has to act, he develops instant thespian skills. Thespian? Look it up online. Next, the first phase is grooming and love-bombing. Second phase, shared fantasy.  He is all over you. He had become your obsession.  Better than sliced bread.  Here, he can mold you. He can shape you into an actor in the theater production that is his shared fantasy. Now don't confuse. Theater with life. Don't do this. That's theater. Narcissist has no life. Only consecutive movies, consecutive theater productions. It's a shared fantasy. And when he, like a spider, he had captured you in the wave and he feels your tremors and your movements communicated via the web. He can feel you. He has cold empathy. He scans you all the time and so on. When he feels confident that he is the new proprietor that you had become his objectified property, he starts to abuse you. He starts to abuse you for two reasons. One, he wants to test whether you can become his mother or father. Again, if a narcissist is a woman, just change the gender pronouns. So he wants, in the case of a heterosexual narcissistic man, he wants to test he abuses you, narcissistic abuse in the shared fantasy. He's intended to secure two goals. One, to test whether you can become a true mother. A true mother means that you will love him unconditionally. That you will accept enemies behavior and enemies conduct, including abuse. So he abuses you. He pushes the envelope. He wants to see how far he can go. He wants to see when you will show signs of abandonment, of giving up, of being desperate, of looking for someone else. And he wants to know your boundaries, in other words. He's testing your boundaries. Now, this is the first goal. The second goal, he is reenacting that is unconscious and compulsive. He's reenacting his early childhood conflicts with his mother. All the aggression is displaced from his mother to you.  And if the mother was a dead mother, emotionally unavailable, depressive, narcissistic and so on, he would push you through a process called projective identification.  He's justified in discarding you. If you don't play this part and if you accept him and love him unconditionally, he's yours forever. He will be addicted to you, forever. But, extremely few women survive this. It's an ordeal by fire. Ordeal by fire. It's the closest thing to a terranian terrestrial hell. The closest. Because he is abusing you and sending you at the same time, make signals. The first signal is please, I want you to be my good enough mother. I want you to love me unconditionally.  A pure child. That's message number one. At the same time, he's sending the diametrically opposed message.   My original mother, the mother who had shaped me. I miss her, I want her and I want to continue to engage in the game that we used to have where she was abusing me, I was abusing her. This power play and he tries to create the power play via mind games. These messages can't be reconciled. It's a loose situation. There's no winning here. Only a super centered extremely resilient, hyper intelligent, mega genius woman can somehow find the middle ground by sending her own contrary mixed signals by modulating the narcissistic mixed signals. I'll dedicate a whole video to this some other time. So subjected to the narcissistic abuse in the shared fantasy most women react in one of two ways I would say 99% of them react in one of two ways. There are those women who withdraw they are pushed away they actually, effectively, emotionally exit the shared fantasy. Some of them, not all of them some of them cheat and they cheat discreetly because they don't want to hurt the narcissist. They still regard the narcissist as a wounded child. They understand the narcissist in some way. They don't want to cause unnecessary pain but they want to gratify their unmet needs, they have needs and so they want to meet these needs and so if they cheat, they cheat discreetly. If they betray, they betray incrementally and mildly and they withdraw only usually emotionally. When the narcissist spots this it has this scanner it has this radar cold empathy, he gets you before you get yourself he can anticipate every move you make you can never fool the narcissist don't fool yourself that you had ever fooled the narcissist he is extremely unlikely to show you that he knows that he understands that he anticipates you that he has every detail about everything you have done with anyone he will never show you this vulnerability, it proves his weakness spying on you is a weakness etc so, but he knows everything you take it as a working hypothesis your narcissistic partner knows absolutely everything you have ever done with anyone and you are in a most thoughts and so cold empathy is the most powerful tool I know to penetrate other people's minds most powerful so he gets you he picks up the tremors like a seismograph he knows the earthquake is coming and so he begins to stalk you if you choose this solution emotional absenteeism having it on the side double timing he begins to stalk you, a automatic stalking and in a way it's becoming even a more pronounced case of approach avoidance he approaches you with the stalking and then he avoids you with the abuse becomes really bad other women remember there are two solutions there are two solutions to the narcissistic abuse in the shared fantasy other women choose to bargain they bargain with the narcissists they pose demands they remind him of his promises they ask for his commitment they suggest some arrangement they try to spice up the sex life they insist on going to couple therapy marital counseling etc. they try somehow to bargain their way into a better improved relationship and this provokes the second type of narcissistic abuse and the sole the only goal of this second type of narcissistic abuse is to jettison the partner to get rid of the partner once and for all so while in the first case of narcissistic abuse and stalking they avoid and they avoid and you approach in this case sorry in the first case you avoid and they approach yes in the first case first solution you chose to withdraw you chose to cheat discreetly emotionally absent yourself from the relationship so you're the one who is avoiding you're the one who is developing avoidant strategies and behaviors and then they approach stalking so in the first case you avoid they approach in the second case you approach you approach you're trying to bargain you're trying to restore the relationship you're trying to make things better you approach and now it's their turn to avoid they push you away so the stalking which is solution number I mean behavior number one solution number one provokes stalking or the type 2 abuse type 2 narcissistic abuse is the the sort of abuse that happens in the bargaining phase whether you're stalked or whether you're abused majority of women end up abandoning the narcissists now some of them abandon dysfunctionally by cheating on the narcissist and betraying the narcissist ostentatiously or by engaging in a smear campaign or by taking revenge or by just abandoning overtly and conspicuously so these are the dramatic personalities among you if you yourself have mental health issue like if you're borderline or codependent you're likely to engage in a dramatic exit exit lift but the majority of intimate partners of the narcissists they just walk away simply they pack their things and walk away heartbroken they give up and they just walk away so then the narcissist starts to reframe his internal modification the hidden implicit knowledge that he had made all this happen that he is the one who had destroyed the relationship so he's beginning to convert it to external modification he's beginning to say it was her fault she misbehaved she abused me she cheated on me she abandoned me so this is from internal to external and then it doesn't work very well and there's a pendulum movement from internal to external from external to internal and the reason for this fascination is that the shared fantasy is egocintonic the narcissist feels good in the shared fantasy and when you exit the shared fantasy he feels wronged he feels that you had misbehaved he feels that you had abused him he feels that he feels like a victim while the bargaining phase is egodistonic the narcissist doesn't feel comfortable with the bargaining phase he hates it he wants out and so he feels it is in control he pushes you away when he narcissistically abuses you in the bargaining phase he knows what he's doing and he knows that in a way he's wrong to abuse people so he has internal modification the thing with the mini all I could get from her was coffee she didn't give me this buzz of intoxication passion and desire you know what I mean I've been with her for too long okay kiddos and kides the same the same cycle with the very same steps with the very same dynamics apply in all the narcissist's relationship romantic relationships one night stands business in the workplace in church with neighbors take this model with all its steps all its dynamics and misbehaviors avoidance approach all this and you will see that it applies to the way the narcissist performs his job in the workplace to his relationships with his colleagues and with his boss of course to a prolonged interaction with a specific neighbor you know enmity between neighbors to the way he functions and to his relationship with the children this is the universal schema the universal framework the template of all the narcissist's relationships okay that's been a heavy video so I'll finish with two tidbits just to gratify you and edify you we are all under curfew and we are all in quarantine many of us are in quarantine some of us are under curfew and so on and so forth lockdown is a relatively new word and so it doesn't have a very illustrious history the history and the roots of words it's a discipline called etymology etymology is a study of the roots of words so but curfew and quarantine are old words they're like hundreds of years old and they have a very long and varied and colourful history very similar to some narcissists curfew is a contraction portmanteau contraction of the original French in French it was called cuvre-refue means cover the fire you see in the middle ages in Europe there was a bell and the bell was rang they were ringing the bell at a certain hour in the evening 8 o'clock depending on the location depending on the sun and so on usually it was 8 and when the bell was rang everyone had to put up fires, domestic fires outside fires, all fire had to be extinguished and the reason was that if it didn't extinguish the fires they tended to spread so very small domestic fires sometimes destroyed a whole city fire of London which started in a bakery and of course in Chicago so domestic fires were very dangerous they burned down all towns, all cities all villages so when the bell was rang cuvre-refue cover the fire curfew they borrowed the term to refer to a restriction on anything not only on fire, on citizens movements but after dark so until very very recently they were ringing the church bells when there was curfew until very recently actually no one really knew why they just knew there's a curfew and we have to ring the bells but no one remembered why what was the original purpose I refer you to the poem Grace Elegie in a country church art in a country church art it says the sentence there the curfew turns the nail of parting day it's an echo of this thing now quarantine quarantine has to do with narcissism believe it or not originally the word quarantine meant a period of 40 days in which a widow had the right to remain in her dead husband's house we find the first mention of this type of quarantine in the early 16th century and so quarantine had to do with the relationships between men and women when the narcissist dies his widow can remain in his house for 40 days another use of quarantine it was pronounced calentine another use was the desert in which Christ fasted for 40 days so the desert itself was called calentine it was borrowed from the latin word quadraginta 40 the quarantine the way we use it today is an earlier word it's actually started I read online things which are completely wrong they attribute the word to Italy didn't start in Italy it started in Croatia in a city known today as Dubrovnik an amazing place by the way it's like medieval life come alive it's a fort and a port put together it's a stunning place promise yourself to go and see Dubrovnik you've never seen something like this it's on the sea it's like someone took a ferry castle put it on the sea anyhow it wasn't called Dubrovnik at the time it was called Gagusa and they passed the law and the original law was not 40 days it was actually 30 days and it was not called quarantine it was called Trentino and it was like every ship arriving from any part of the world disease of some kind that ship had to be isolated the sailors had to be isolated and the goods by the way had to be isolated for 30 days so no one from Gagusa Dubrovnik of today was allowed to visit the ships during the Trentino and if someone broke the law they joined the ship crew I mean they had to remain on the ship for the mandatory 30 days and so for close to 100 years 80 years, 100 years many many cities in Europe port cities with harbours they adopted this Trentino so Marseille had the Trentino Pisa had Trentino and many many many other cities so something happened after 80 years no one is quite sure what something happened after 80 years and they extended the period from 30 days 40 days and they renamed the Trentino and called it which is the root of the word that we use today a little entertainment after a very heavy and difficult video so I need a drink Vaknin why no let the people go let my people go okay got it for today we discuss the cerebral narcissist there will be a video I'm threatening you there will be a video dedicated to the somatic narcissist now that will be real fun is what goes on the mind the somatic narcissist and the way he deceives you is it's amazing he's a con artist while the cerebral is an alien form of artificial intelligence the somatic is simply a con artist but a delightful con artist many women say maybe somatic maybe somatic but it was worth it so we'll talk about it I promise


why we're doing what we're doing. Live from Las Vegas, Nevada, extracting the signal from the noise. It's theCUBE, covering IBM Edge 2015, brought to you by IBM. Welcome back to theCUBE at IBM Edge 2015, here in Las Vegas. Had two days talking about lots of executives, talking to service riders, talking to customers, excited to have with me first time guest on theCUBE, Jouder Ho, VP of cloud services with NTT data. Thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. All right, so Jouder, first of all, I think most people in IT are familiar with NTT. I mean, one of the largest telcos in the world. But can you tell us a little bit about your role there? You've got cloud in your title, and what's the NTT data division? Okay, so NTT data is the system integration arm for NTT Group. It is the sixth largest system integrator in the world. You know, if I think about 75,000 individuals working worldwide in 40 different countries across about 25 different industry verticals. So as you know, NTT itself is a much bigger company with about 230,000 employees, but obviously NTT data is a big significant arm of NTT, of the NTT Group, so to speak. Yeah, 230,000, not quite as big as IBM, but pretty darn big when we talk about NTT. It's starting to get close, right? And I think the key metric from the NTT Group's side of things is I think last year, we became the number one in terms of data center space with over 220 data centers worldwide. So that's kind of the key metric that we've achieved in 2014. All right, great, let's get into it. Tell us a little bit about what brings you to this show and in your partnership with IBM. So this year, the major announcement that we have is around Hanon Power, and NTT data has been strongly involved in the collaborative effort with SAP and IBM to test out and validate the performance of Hanon Power and we've seen some very significant results based on the initial testing that we've done. You know, SAP owns the governance of this initiative, but NTT's been very involved in the testing development and optimization along with the support of IBM. All right, so yeah, I mean SAP had their big conference last week with Sapphire. Hanon has been one of the main discussions I've heard about SAP, the last couple works out. Where are we? Are the solutions really starting to come together and are we at the inflection point for kind of massive adoption? I think so. I think really it is starting to, it's been talked about for a number of years now, but we're really starting to see get traction around different customers being interested in Hanon. They've invested possibly in the appliance and now they're starting to bump up against some limits. So we're starting to look at other options to do Hanon on different technologies and power being a great platform to build off of just from course specifications has really been this big differentiator for us in terms of testing out that the type of performance we've been looking at. So one of the metrics that have been quoted as is we're looking at anywhere from 40 to 100 times speed up just by deploying Hanon power as opposed to a traditional appliance type model or an X86 on Oracle. So it's a big performance bump and that's only at the beginning of things. We're still going through the efforts of optimizing further. Yeah, so obviously as a systems integrator, you've got to choose your projects wisely. There's so many different things going on out there. What about Hanon plus power plus your solution makes it a winner? Really, I think SAP is a key practice for us. I think we have something like 2,700 customers worldwide are running on SAP. And so for us, it's a key investment for us that we want to be able to help customers run quicker, better, faster, stronger across the board. And it is truly out of belief that Hanon power would be that key differentiator both on-prem and in-cloud. So I think that's kind of the major thing that we're looking at doing in the near future. All right, so I've heard a lot about performance when it comes to power, so maybe we can skip over that piece. Talk to me a little bit about management, flexibility, agility, how does this solution compare to what's in the market? Well, I think you just took all the points, the talking points out for me, right? I think those actually do cover pretty much all the different pieces. One of the other data points we've been sort of stating is that it gives us a lot more flexibility to bring things up quickly. We were able to bring up power on HANA and literally in a week, right? And we're now able to start deploying things a lot faster, literally out the box for customers. So the investment in time is very minimal compared to having to do your role your own and be able to have to take additional time to go deploy this. Yeah, so I wonder if we could dig a little down if you look at kind of cloud. One of the things as an analyst always joke is, security and management are the two things that we can bang on forever because it seems we haven't solved that problem. We talk about management maybe specifically and happy to hear about security if that's a piece, but how is this solution helping to really solve that management problem because that's a huge challenge for customers. Well, I think the management of HANA is going to be an evolving process. I think as people get more experience of it and gain additional capabilities, that's going to be evolving exercise and we're heavily engaged with SAP and IBM to go down that path. However, from a security standpoint, given shared infrastructure, I think it's a key point to make that we do segregate customers' information individually from other customers so that we have that proper segregation. As you said, security is absolutely key and paramount to a lot of these exercises and different providers have different interpretations of what that level of security is. For us, I think it is absolutely kind of forefront for us that the operation of an application remain and have the same music experience as it is on-prem as well as it in the cloud. So there's no need to do a lot of adaptation to move your application into the cloud, so to speak. Yeah, so what are the plans for the future? How are you looking at this really as a cloud service? So we started off with BW, right? And with the announcement S4 on HANA, that's kind of the next step in roadmaps and space and discussions over the last few days, we're going to continue to engage with IBM as SAP to deploy these things out to different customers. We've now got a targeted list of customers we're going after, we're starting to accept. And we're actually seeing quite a fair bit of interest in that area to start testing this out. Customers have had investments in power over the last couple of years, investments and appliances. They're coming back to us and saying, we've seen the limits, we want to do more. How can we do more? How can we do it more quickly? All right, can you talk a little bit about the partnerships? I mean, you're taking SAP, you're taking IBM, you're taking the rest of it. How's it been to work through that? Any kind of advice that you'd look to kind of give the ecosystem as to how they can help you do your job better or things you want to look for from a white space standpoint? I think, it ultimately, it's kind of a three-way collaborative effort, right? And this is not something we started off three months ago, it is. It's one of my colleagues has stated it's been a two-year journey to kind of go through and put this whole effort together. So it's been a very close collaboration between IBM SAP and SAP being, SAP hasn't really revealed much of their roadmap, so we try to keep as much of the lockstep as possible as SAP announces new capabilities. All right, so Jeter, have you been to the show before? I was here last year. All right, so what brings you back to IBM Edge? What's kind of the value that you see in coming here, talking to your peers, talking to IBM? Well, IBM is a key partner for NTT data. I actually sit on the Software Devine Environment Tech Advisory Board, so that's part of the exercise that brings me here for the last couple of years. All right, so you're based in the valley, I believe, so I'm curious, we throw out terms like cloud and we all argue over definitions and what's going on. You guys, I mean, totally fit cloud services that I would say. How do you see what you're doing as opposed to kind of the general discussion of what's going on in the valley? Well, a large part of the valley proposition for NTT's data cloud is that we're able to pick up enterprise apps pretty much as is and move it over to our cloud without having to adapt to other cloud providers. There's certainly nothing wrong with that approach, it's just a different approach to things. And for us, it typically to customer base that we deal with, our customer that has the desire to move a large part of the operations into our cloud, so we actually spend a lot of time helping them pick up and migrate it into our cloud operations. So that's kind of the key differentiator, not just around that, but also the fact that we support not just x86, but power in the cloud. Yeah, it's interesting, one of the things we look at is in IT, we always just add stuff and we never get rid of anything. We've been trying to help users understand what they do and what they can get rid of, obviously going to service providers or certain things that, it's kind of the modern outsourcing if you will, but it's taking care of that stuff. We said, friends don't let friends build data centers anymore because there's companies that are really good at doing that and most companies, other than kind of the real estate people, aren't good at that things. Curious, how do you help companies kind of move up the stack and I think that's kind of one of your key value props. Actually that was, that's an interesting point I made.  We have 220 data centers worldwide and one of the other differentiators is one of the few companies in the world that actually owns ships that lay cable across the Atlantic and the Pacific. So as part of the exercise of helping customers move up the stack, we are able to take a lot of pain out of the normal IT operations so that they can go back to focusing on their key business proposition and their business operations. A lot of the traditional IT operations will provide capabilities around and can help manage as a partnership. Wow, I didn't realize you had the transatlantic type cables across the ocean. That's amazing. So once you see Google always has kind of the map of what they do, the cables that sharks can't bite through and things like that. Right, so the metric that's been thrown out pretty frequently is NTT carries about 40% of the world's background. Wow. So it's a very significant part. Wait, wait, is that Netflix? Not just Netflix. Yeah, no, no, no, absolutely, it's fascinating. Yeah, I guess I want to give you the final word. We often talk about some of these seismic changes, what's going on in cloud. Where does NTT position itself in this world of kind of the, you know, it's Amazon's and Google's and of course IBM's the soft layer. Where does NTT sit? So what we're interested in is we're not interested in a race to zero. Right, and as you think about the bigger cloud providers, they're getting cheaper doing more with less. Part of the valid proposition we have is absolutely what I was saying earlier at the fact that we act as a partnership. We're able to provide additional hand-holding, provide creative bespoke service, if you will, to help customers ease their journey into the cloud. All right, well, Jader Ho, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Fascinating case study with what you're doing with the cloud. Hannah, you know, really cool application to do that high performance and everything. So we'll be right back, okay, you know, wrapping up day two pretty soon here at IBM Edge 2015. So theCUBE is starting to do their own events now and it's really like the next step, the next evolution.


Hello and welcome to the craft box. My name is Brent. I'm joined with Finn and James and today We're back on was a 101 playing more road to 100 Hi, how's James today? I'm James James is the way I was saying he's good Can I get a hyah? Hiya! What has come to my life? Anyway, we're back on road to 100 We might be finishing our good old Molly going today. No, yes, we will. No, we won't Oh, is this gonna be like two hours? No, no We've got we've got this And then the rest of this street. Oh, are you training to be a cop? Yeah. Oh, yeah What's the first step of being a cop? Okay, so don't let anybody know.  I'm just coming up. I Am a cop myself Like I'm on this really big case. I'm like trying to find this scratcher. You know so my really really big case Okay, so here Brent as you can see just ran past Mm-hmm doesn't matter. Yeah, what I know when I'm not loved Okay, that sounds good Okay, please.   No one actually likes him. Don't you agree? Yeah, I agree. He's a bit of a dickhead. Yep No one really likes me.  Yep He's the fleshy Parts that gives you pleasure, but he's not pleasurable at all He's enough I needed Hello and welcome back Fin's done that now and I got level 25. So, yeah Which is epic. Yeah, I'm level 25 as well. Next episode. We're doing a dungeon So let's go talk to Watson That's how good from next episode dungeon time We'll be doing a dungeon no matter what next episode, but like we're doing a different dungeon Yeah, yeah Good to know our fair ladies need not fear jocks the scratcher anymore With the jock the scratcher case solved thanks to you our Detectives have uncovered the scientists behind these metal men make me in dr. Ketsenstein's lab Perhaps find out more about the clockworks and your connection to me. I love dr. Ketsenstein's lab. It's amazing I love that. Hmm since you can defeat me in my own instance level we shall see Young wizard, I'm short-handed. It could really use your help come see me in the oasis in Crocotopia, so thank you for watching Next I feel enjoyed next episode will be going to do the Crocotopia dungeon Hope you enjoyed leave a like subscribe or if you want to Um Leave some feedback feed forward whatever you want just anything say something in the comments like hi and remember Graph that's out the box. Goodbye


And in sport, defending champion Novak Djokovic has overcome an early fright to fend off British teenager Jack Draper 46-61-6-2-6-2 and launched his quest for a sixth title as Wimbledon returned after a two-year absence. The first match on center court since Djokovic's neo-Bytesian victory over Roger Federa in the 2019 final 716 days ago was a classic David vs. Goliath clash and while there was to be no Grand Slam debut for 19-year-old Draper, the match proved the perfect way to bring center court back to life after its enforced silence. Djokovic has never lost a Grand Slam match to a player ranked as low as world number 253 Draper but looked a little stunned as he struggled to find his footing on the greasy turf and contained the fearless hitting of the Britain.