One last question. What do you think about the new sharing economy, Uber, Lyft, Airbnb, Amazon and selling? How do you think that would be an SBA player role in helping firms that are involved in those types of businesses? You know, I just literally connected a young man who is working in that industry to an SBA lender just Thursday of last week. He has a business that provides cars for people that don't have them to be able to participate in Uber and and Lyft and this is a young African-American man who is 24 years old and he's been doing great. He's got over 300 cars out and growing quicker than, you know, he just needs access to Calvary. He has the demand is absolutely there. So, you know, definitely, you know, that's a business model that's proven to be successful and it's something in that space that we have lenders who are willing to support his growth. And so I think it's great. You know, I think that, you know, you for opportunities like that that are new and innovative going to the smaller banks is great. A lot of bankers only know what they know. But as the new gig economy is growing, that a lot of banks are learning quickly that they need to get on top of this stuff. So I would be I wouldn't be afraid to call SBA and ask for a lender relations specialist to find out which banks in your area would be more flexible in understanding of these new gig economy jobs. Hmm. You said the lenders in the area. So the SBA, for the clarification purposes, you support the banks, right? You don't actually do the lending themselves directly. Right. So for this young man, and him and I had this conversation when he brought me this idea. You know, I told him, you know, he asked the same question. I said, look, you know, you have a great idea. Clearly, it is successful. You have 300 cars out there and you could have 3000 if you had access to the right capital. The problem is you need access to the capital. And when you walk into a bank and you're talking to someone who's been banking for 20 years, they know dental offices, they know veterinary clinics, they know architecture firms, law firms, they have a pretty much a cookie cutter approach to looking at the business models that they've seen for the last 30 years and knowing if they're going to be able to pay back alone. Right. They've never seen what you're doing because you want a few people doing it. So they're not going to be as likely to take a risk on you. But if you come to SBA and you can qualify for SBA loan, what that basically says is, you know, he needs half a million dollar loan. So we go into the bank with you in theory and we say, we're going to guarantee 75% of that loan. So if it all went awry and your business goes under, then SBA, the federal government is going to pay that bank 75% alone. So now the bank's liability and risk on you is not as severe. So even though they may not understand completely how your business works, they may not have someone who's an expert on how your marketing is going and how you're creating revenue, but they do know is that there's 75% of that loan all of a sudden became guaranteed and they're in a less of a risky position to take a risk on you. So SBA is critical, especially for, you know, those new businesses entering new markets. Wow. Wow. No, no, that was great. Any other resources you'd like to share with people out there while they're listening or any last words? Well, look, I just think that the economy is going great right now. And I think, you know, unemployment is down because small business owners and communities and places around this country are hiring people where they live. And I think you can take advantage of that by making sure that you go, if you're in Florida, especially go talk to an SBDC, sit down with them. If you're thinking about starting a business and you haven't really figured it out yet, go talk to SCORE. Our SCORE mentors will help walk you through what you need before you starting your business. Day one that you become an entrepreneur, there's a list of things that you don't know. SBA can help you shorten that list quickly. Any entrepreneur will tell you that everything on that list is going to cost you money. There's no such thing as a free mistake in business. And many of us don't have an MBA. We're just good at what we're good at. America is full of innovators with great ideas, but they necessarily weren't specifically trained on how to run a business. So it can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. If you are thinking about taking your great talents, this great recipe, this great work you do as an architect, lawyer, teacher, trainer, and you want to take that to the marketplace, don't do it alone. If you don't have an MBA, you got the SBA. Just give us a call. We'll be glad to help you.


Hi, and welcome to Sitrep, army news that affects you. It's the holiday season which brings a time of family, friends, food, and festivities. But this time of year can also be challenging. Many people find themselves dealing with the holiday blues and become sad, lonely, and even depressed. There's many reasons people find themselves struggling during the holidays, reminders of lost loved ones, pressure to feel merry, and financial hardships are just a few. But military families can add one more important reason to that list, deployments. Coping with deployments can take a toll on emotional well-being even under normal circumstances, and this can be increased if a service member is away from their family during this important time. So what are some signs that you or a loved one may be suffering from the holiday blues? While some obvious clues are withdrawing from fun and social activities, reflecting on loss, ambivalence, excessive drinking, unrealistic expectations, or a sadness that affects the quality of life. If you or someone you know seems to be feeling the blues, you can do one or all of the following. Take it one day at a time. Think of it as Thanksgiving Day or New Year's Day. It can be easier to think, I can get through today, rather than thinking, I can get through this whole season. Get in touch with family members by Skype. Write letters. Visit. Make phone calls. Anything that you need to get in touch. Avoid retail therapy. Fight the temptation to overspend, as this can lead to increased stress when the credit card bills arrive. Have fun. It's normal to be social during the holidays, even if your loved one is not available to attend these events with you. Ask for help. You don't need to face it alone. Depend on family and friends to help you. And most importantly, reach out. There's anonymous chat lines that are available 24-7 to give you the opportunity to talk without embarrassment, no matter your level of sadness. For more information and resources, go to militarymentalhealth.org. And if you have a question or topic idea for SITREP, let us know on Facebook and Twitter. Sgt. Martin, signing off.


What to do during the test? Research shows that the way we approach tests and exams can have a huge impact on the outcome. Here are some tests taking steps recommended to maximize your test scores. Preview the test. Take a few minutes to review your test. Look at how many questions there are, what types of questions are included, and what is covered. Plan how long to spend on each question. For example, an essay question worth 40 percent should occupy more of your time. Then a short answer question that is worth only 10 percent. Knowledge dump slash mental cheat sheet. Before you start answering questions, use the back of your test sheet and write down anything you're afraid you're going to forget. This can include things like mnemonics and important formulas. Later on when you come to those questions, you can consult your new cheat sheet. Read each question carefully to make sure you understand it. Look closely whether a question asks which option does meet the criteria. Or asks which option does not meet the criteria. Answer everything you know first, skipping the questions that you don't know the answer to. Go back over the tests and answer the skip questions with an educated guess. Create an outline for essay questions. Use all of your test time. If you have time, go back over your answers at the end. Review the whole test, but be careful. Don't erase correct answers and make them incorrect. Follow these tips during your test or exam and you'll be on your way to test success. Happy studying!


We're going to be talking, this panel is going to be on not just S-bombs, so it's going to be a talk about supply chain security focused on all of the other great things that we're doing to either complement S-bombs in addition to S-bombs as opposed to S-bombs for various use cases. I'm going to introduce myself and then I'll let the panel introduce themselves as well. Unfortunately, Dana from OpenSSF had to run out, so she won't be joining us today. So I'm Mike Lieberman. I am a CTO and co-founder of Kusari, a software supply chain security company. I'm also a CNCF TAG security lead. I'm also a member of the OpenSSF technical advisory council and a member of the OpenSSF governing board. And I'll hand over to you. Oh, is the mic down? I'm John Schell, director of open source at TestifySec, contribute to many of the same things as everyone else up here on TAG security and CNCF. This also projects the security tool belt in OpenSSF among many other things. Hi, I'm Marina. I'm a PhD student at NYU doing research on software supply chain security, especially secure software distribution and updating. I'm also a co-chair of TAG security, the CNCF technical advisory group for security, as well as a maintainer of TUF in Toto and a couple of other security related projects. Hi, I'm Arnaud Lors from IBM. I'm part of the OpenTechnology group. I'm actually not originally a security expert. I'm an open source, open standards expert, but I've been focusing on OpenSSF for over two years plus. I serve different roles there. I'm currently the vice chair of the technical advisory committee, and I'm also a maintainer of the Salsa specification and participated in a bunch of different groups. Cool. So let's reintroduce the problem yet again. So this is from the Salsa documentation, which I think is a pretty good introduction into the problem. So really, at the highest level, at least in our opinion, software supply chain security is really security that is about the SDLC, and by that we mean security that impacts the production of software, the storage and distribution of software, and then the consumption of software. So not how do I prevent a SQL injection attack, it's more of how do I prevent myself from using software that has those vulnerabilities in them, stuff like that. And so quickly here, you have lots of different threats that can happen at all these different stages throughout the SDLC. A developer might make a bad commit, or you might have somebody impersonating a developer tries to commit bad source code. Your source code repository could get compromised in some way. When pulling down and pulling in source code into the build, all sorts of things can go wrong. Think of the SolarWinds attack where the build system itself had gotten compromised, and then the build system had access to all the keys, and so everything looked good, even though actually everything had been compromised. You can pull in any number of bad dependencies into your build, whether it's purposefully or inadvertently. And this includes things like purposefully malicious dependencies like the ones we saw in some of the MPM attacks that had compromised, that had been looking for folks crypto wallet keys. And then also when you go to package everything, obviously somebody can inadvertently or purposefully push out a malicious package or the incorrect package, and we've seen that sort of thing as well, where dev builds had gotten published out as production-ready builds. And then the consumer can inadvertently download the wrong software through stuff like typo squatting at sorts of attacks, where they think they're installing one package and they're in fact installing another. So that's really at a very high level what the software supply chain problem is. And then what's an S-bomb again? So a S-bomb or software build materials is an ecosystem agnostic data interchange format for software composition metadata. So you think of your requirements.txt, you think of your packages.json, those sorts of things. But what if you had just had one way of reporting that to others, so you can actually include all sorts of stuff that exists outside of an individual ecosystem inside of an S-bomb? So oh, I'm using Node, but I also am using OpenSSL, that's a dependency. Now S-bombs also include all sorts of other stuff like AI, service bombs, hardware, you know, so on. And so what are some of the problems with this? S-bombs are only a piece of the puzzle. They're very much right now a reporting tool. Some folks sort of view this as mostly a compliance tool. A lot of the tooling hasn't kept up to date with all the various features and things that are coming out of there. And then there is a lack of focus on S-bomb consumption use cases. Currently, there's a lot of focus on producing S-bombs, not so much focus yet on how do we consume S-bombs, how do we actually do stuff with that data. So what else is there? So here's just an example of some of the tools, frameworks, and projects that are in the supply chain sort of security space. And of which the panel will be probably talking a bit more in detail about some of them. But just at a very, very high level, you have stuff that is focused on production side of software. So things like Salsa, which is focused on secure builds. Things like Scorecard, which is focused around securing, you know, repositories as well as All-Star. Witness, which is also focused on securing builds. In the middle, you have sort of stuff that is focused on things like, around storage and distribution of software and software metadata, the supply chain security metadata. So this is stuff like Guac, which I'm a maintainer of underneath the OpenSSF. Projects like Archivista, which John is a maintainer of and, you know, so on. And at the bottom is stuff that's focused on consumption side. So how do I now consume all that software securely? And yeah. And so then on the left-hand side is just essentially the rules by which you would then apply all of that. So how do I know, you know, who should I trust? What are the policies, that sort of thing? And that's where things like in-todo, six-door, tough, et cetera, come in. And so now I'm gonna start asking some questions to the panel here, right? And so I guess to start off with, what are your thoughts on, you know, since a lot of folks have been hit over the head with, hey, supply chain security is a super important problem. What areas do you feel like today are not getting enough focus, right? We keep hearing about S-bombs. But what do you hear today that you don't see getting enough focus? All right, so I'll stop. I mean, so first of all, I would say I think overall, the way I see it is, the industry has become better at bolting down systems that are in production. The problem is we kind of forgot or lost sight of the fact that basically, I mean, the good news is open source is everywhere. There's basically no software today that doesn't use some kind of some component of open source. So, you know, for me personally, having dedicated my life to open source, I find that very great, you know, I'm very grateful for this development. The problem is it's become kind of the Achilles heel of the software industry because we have not been very careful at making sure that those dependencies are also secure. And so essentially, S-bombs, what do they do? They tell us what's in the software. And it's especially helpful in governments, you know, I've been taking action saying, okay, industry, you cannot just keep doing these things. You're doing where you're distributing products with no liability saying, hey, use it as is at your own risk. So governments are starting to put regulations in place that impose, you know, liabilities, responsibilities to the producers. And so S-bombs is the first answer to the problem of, well, what's in the product to start with?  But people don't even know if it concerns them or not, right? So S-bombs are supposed to help you better understand what's even relevant to you because you can tell what's in the product you're using. But it's only a very small part of the answer. The next thing is, well, what are we doing as an industry to make sure that all these dependencies we have are equally secure? And quite frankly, I think one of the big problem we have is people have taken it for granted that, well, there is a community out there that's maintaining those open source projects for me, so I don't have to worry about it. And clearly, this is not working. We've learned that, well, you cannot depend. And what we are teaching people in IBM and a big problem we are facing, still as an industry, is to educate everybody on the fact that they need to take responsibility for all these open source dependencies they're taking on. Of course, if you use Kubernetes, something really big with a big organization like CNCF behind it, you can kind of assume that there's a big community around it that's going to take care of vulnerabilities when they show up. But there's tons of other little projects that don't necessarily have this kind of backing behind it. So we need people to be educated about the fact that they need to take responsibility for all the dependencies they have, they introduce in their products. That's the number one. But then the problem is, I think this example of this slide shows the challenge. It's not an easy fix. There isn't like a one tool, one setting kind of thing you can turn on and then you're good to go. I mean, I don't know if some of you have attended Marina's presentation the other day. She went a little bit more in the detail of all these different technologies that are at play. And I think the big challenge is for people to get their head around the complexity of the problem. There are so many attack vectors all along the supply chain. It's not an easy fix. And it will take a long time to get to fix it all. I'll stop there for now and let them talk. Yeah, so I agree with all of that. I think the one thing I would add as a place that we could use for more focus is on this idea of a trusted route or a trusted identity and where that comes from. I think there's a lot of discussion that's been happening not just around S-bombs, but also around signing software, signing S-bombs. And I think signatures are great, but they're only as good as if you know who's supposed to be signing it. And I think that idea of figuring out who's supposed to be doing what in your supply chain and be able to enforce that policy, I think that's another big area that could use some more focus. Yeah, adding on to what Arno said about the complexity. In the security hub yesterday, we were having a long conversation about vulnerability management. And how about I show our hands, how many people have one security scanning tool, at least one security scanning tool they use? All right, how many have two? Three, four, five, six, 10, 15, all right, so how do your developers triage hundreds or thousands of vulnerabilities that are found? Maybe false positives, maybe they really exist, maybe they're in a code path that's executed, maybe they're not, maybe there's a configuration change that solves the problem and then your customer goes and turns it on anyways, even though you told them not to, what is a vulnerability, what's not? You're not gonna solve this problem through a brute force method. You're gonna need to take a fundamentally different approach and that's where you're gonna need to go back to the beginning. You're gonna need to turn this software into an actual supply chain. You can't have a signature at the very end of it or a signature of the artifact or a signature of a get commit in the beginning. You need to really follow everything from the beginning to the end, make sure that the output of one step is the input to the next step and that's where projects like Intodo really come in here, that specification giving you that ability to communicate across these things and set up policies and be able to enforce the compliance and really ensure that what you think is happening is what's really going on. Yeah, so I guess, yeah, to follow up with that, since you described that the problem is quite complicated, I think a lot of folks, their first question is where do I get started or what's the simple path for me? And we'll throw it back over there, which I know is, that's the hard problem right now, that's the hard question. So it's interesting because there are many ways you can approach it, that's the flip side of it. There are so many angles, do stop doing anything, that's better than doing nothing. And as you go, you'll get, you have to expect this is a long road. And by the way, there's two sides to this problem, right? Right now we're trying to get the producers of software to improve the security posture of their supply chain so that when they build artifacts, these are much more secure and they come with all sorts of information, provenance and everything. But the other side is going to make sure that the consumer of those artifacts also check that what they get is what they expect it to be. And my analogy in this is that we're still very early on. It's a bit like in the automotive industry when we said, oh, all cars should have a seatbelt, right? So we basically, there were regulations put in place to ensure that every car that gets produced gets a seatbelt. But quickly realized this was not good enough, right? Because if people don't fasten those seatbelts, they don't do you any good. And we have a little bit the same problem here where we're going to have artifacts that get produced with a lot more security built into it, a lot of more like metadata associated with signatures for all the different pieces that went into it. But if people don't check that what they're actually using has all the right checks in place, well, it doesn't really do much good, right? So I think that's going to be the next big challenge. And so depending on where you are in the spectrum, if you're more, and often we are both, right? Because we use components, we as part of building the other solution that maybe we either pass on to somebody else. And so we have to play both sides of this problem. Yeah, I think step one, everyone here is doing it already. You're learning more about the problem. Everyone who's here, you're like, you're not at level zero anymore. You've gone up a step. And how do you continue that incremental adoption? Because you can't boil the ocean. And so we've seen this throughout the industry with things like Project Sigstore enabling signing to become much easier with the introduction of things like keyless signing, not having to solve that problem of how you manage keys. But as Marina pointed out, that signature is an assumption of trust about all the things that came before that. And now we're seeing progress from that with things like Salsa Project having build provenance. Now you know, when you see that signature on a signed provenance document, you can say more information about what went into that build or the source of the build and how you're consuming it in your organization. But once again, that's also not enough, but it's the starting point you need to get to and we need to keep progressing after that. The Salsa Project is gonna continue building out more tracks, a source code track, a dependency track. And at the same time, there's things that will never be in the Salsa specification. The results of static analyzers or dynamic analyzers, the custom and proprietary things that your products may be building into themselves. And that's where the general nature of Intodo allows you to customize that, but still communicate that information across the different steps in your supply chain.  And so you gotta start somewhere, make it as big as possible and slowly over time make it smaller and smaller. Yeah, I think I agree with everything that's been said and I'd like to add that. Yeah, I think that as you build these attestations over time, you can also build up the security of the attestations at each step. You can start by looking at your supply chain and just attesting what you're doing today. And then at the very least, you're generating these attestations and you know what's going on in your supply chain. And then over time, you can require more things. You can maybe lock down your build server and require that there's a specific ID from that build server that's signing these attestations or so on, right? You can build up those different pieces after you have kind of a visibility into what's happening today using these same building blocks that can then let you build that over time. Cool, yeah, and I think one thing to actually, I would add on there, right, to tie it back a little bit into S-bombs is actually, hey, start attesting your S-bombs, start signing your S-bombs, so that folks, even if the S-bombs is potentially inaccurate, you know where it came from, you know who generated it, right? Whereas I know a lot of folks keep saying, oh, I got an S-bomb, it's here somewhere. Well, where did it come from? I don't know. So yeah, I think that that's also another piece there. So I guess to tie it back a little bit into sort of the S-bomb story, how do you see S-bombs fitting into this bigger picture of supply chain security, not just from a check the box mentality, not just from a compliance perspective, but where do you think that S-bomb fits into that picture? Yeah, I think an S-bomb is a great place to start with that visibility step. You can see what dependencies you're taking in and what's happening in them, and then you can use that to then dig into each of those dependencies, maybe check on the health of those projects or learn other things about those projects, or use that as like an opening to then start signing things, start by signing that S-bomb and then use that to see how the process works for you, how you can then use that to sign other steps in your process that you're doing as well. So yeah, I think it provides that visibility and it provides kind of an entry into looking at your broader supply chain security, what's going into your software and how you can look at that more broadly. Yeah, and I think it's all about the use cases for that information, right? If you're doing vulnerability scans of your container images, how long does it take to scan? I'm sure no one has a container image larger than a gigabyte, right, or 10 gigabytes, but the bigger it is, the longer it will take to scan. If you have this well-formed S-bomb document listing out everything that's in it, do you really need to scan that container image or can you look for a tool that can actually process that S-bomb in a way to tell you if there's newly discovered vulnerabilities? And so I think there's a lot of exciting progress in the area like that. How do you discover information like that that's right there at your fingertips? If you store it the right way, you can query it, you can index it, do all those things to enable that analysis. Yeah, so practically speaking, if you're a producer of artifacts, you should definitely start producing S-bombs along with other metadata, like we've mentioned several of them in total attestation and so on. And a lot of the offerings that are out there, I mean, IBM as an offering to build in your products, your software in the cloud, and we have this ability now to produce S-bombs along with salsa provenance and a lot of other cloud providers have similar offerings. So that's step number one is turn those things on and start producing S-bombs. If your consumer start demanding that your providers give you that information as well. And I can share with you like, you know, an anecdote from a customer in the automotive industry, a big manufacturer, they started demanding from all their providers to get their S-bomb and they started building a system internally where they ingest all the S-bombs, they could some kind of database, and that way they can be on lookout for CVS.  There are many different formats, they are not even following the schemas. I mean, one of my colleagues actually wrote a validator and he was horrified to see that most of the tools that are very generally used, you know, broadly used, don't generate valid S-bombs. And so, you know, it's a bit of a rough road right now because we're still early on and you know, you have to be able to pass them and then once you pass them you have to be able to make sense of them. And then it was pointed out later on, you know, earlier is that later on when you get all these CVS, you have to figure out what it relates to and whether it impacts you or not. Knowing that many cases, CVS might be pertinent to some of the components that you're using but not actually in the code path that you actually use in your product, right?  So we shouldn't try to, you know, brush the perfect world on this. It's by no means a perfect solution but we're all into this. We know we have to make progress on that road and we just, you know, hopefully as we progress we'll have better tools that will help us filter the noise and all that stuff, but that's where we are. Yep. And I'll add in a quick point before opening up to questions from the audience. Yeah, so I very much agree with everything the panel said and I think one thing I would add on there is, you know, anything we could be doing as software producers also for the security engineers in the audience to make this simpler for both producers and consumers to actually use would be super useful because, you know, we wanna be able to take as we mentioned, you know, all that great salsa in total attestations, open VEX, S-bombs, et cetera. We wanna be able to ingest that information into, you know, tools like Archivista and Guac, right? That can then be queried by various tools to then, you know, answer questions like, hey, if I do have a reported vulnerability, where does that live? Do I have assigned attestation so that I know did this actually come from a trusted party and all that, so that, and then, but at the end of the day, right, we wanna make sure that as a consumer it should be relatively transparent to you, you know, it should be baked into the tools that you're using in on a daily basis as opposed to, oh, as a developer you need to learn everything that's up there. No, no, no, no, let's try not to do that. So yeah, with the last 10 minutes, wanted to open it up to the audience to see what questions folks have about supply chain security, about S-bombs, about any of that. Don't be shy. Oh, sorry, there's mics on the side of the room. Feel free to line up. I've worked with artifacts before, I know the struggle of getting a developer to understand that an artifact exists, it is not just a config file, it makes stuff happen. What do you think, I can see some of the same problem here, that when I try to explain the existence of this issue, people have a hard time even comprehending the space. What do you think can be done to try and overcome this and make it less technical to accepting systems of this issue? I think there's two reasons to that. I think you can look at the attacks that have happened as examples of why we need to look at the space and really secure the different steps of the software supply chain. I think that can help illustrate why people should care. And I think the other thing is just making the tooling easier. I think not every developer, not every person at a company should need to be an expert in all of this. Like somebody at the company should, but then there should be tools that exist so that people can just add small steps to their existing workflows. So yeah, I think over time as we improve that tooling and it becomes easier to do secure supply chain practices, it becomes less of a question of why do I care, but why not, because it's easy to do. It does improve the security, it prevents these attacks that are out there. Yeah, I think you look at solar winds and it costs the company literally billions of dollars. You could have spent hundreds of millions of dollars securing your supply chain and you would still come out ahead. So we talk to people all the time who struggle with this idea of how to get more funding for the work and things like that. And I don't have a simple answer for that problem, but it seems straightforward as far as justification. And we'll always work to try and make it simpler. And I think the emergence of these new tools, like I said earlier, there's no brute force way to solve this. We can't solve it with what exists today, which is why we're building new tooling to solve this in a different way. And it will take time to adopt it and make things better and easier for everyone. But I think we're going in the right direction. Thank you. Yeah, on that front, I want to add, I mean, this is why I was mentioning there are regulations coming out a bit all over the world, right? Because it's actually costing a fortune to the economy in general. It also has a public safety aspect to it now, because there is definitely personal information being leaked and so on. So I think the justification indeed is easy to make now and to find. And by the way, it's not anywhere near getting better because if you look at the numbers, there's an explosion of attacks and now they're all focusing on the supply chain, right? The vast majority of attacks that are happening now, they come from being infiltrated at the open source level, which eventually make their way into the products. So this is a real problem and this is why a lot of the industry players have started Open SSF and we are active in this OWASP and so on to try to tackle this problem because it's bigger than any single enterprise can tackle. It's really an industry-wide problem. And to add on, I think, two pieces. One is, I think, and actually one of Arno's colleagues, Jeff Borek, brought up this metric, something like two-thirds of all security teams don't share their data outside of their security team. And that sort of thing, I think, has to change where we can't have the situation where, and I've lived that at a large enterprise where often you just get a report or you get an email saying you have a critical vulnerability in some software of your own and the report was sent to your manager's manager's manager and you get tapped on the shoulder right before a go live. We need to be more proactive about this. We also need to get the data in the hands of the people who need it, in the way they need it, right? So as a developer, I don't want to be looking at a vulnerability dashboard. I want to be looking at a, I want to be looking in my code and, hey, if I get the little red squiggly in my code saying, hey, you're using a vulnerable dependency, tell me so I can update it. So I'm hearing that we're gonna give people a lot more information about what's in their software. In the past, we've relied on distributors like, if your vendor is Red Hat, for example, to kind of parse all of that and you could say, hey, I can trust this because Red Hat said it was trustable. Have we thought about ways to help people figure out what data they can trust? Like if I have a six store signature, that doesn't mean I can trust it, it just means some person signed it with six store. So what do you recommend on the, like how to figure out who I can trust front? Oh, Marina. Yeah, I think that part of it is internal policy that you have to kind of just figure out and the other part of it is figuring out like what are those roots of trust? Like especially for figuring out like, exactly what you said, like signature tells you that somebody signed something, but you can say that, for example, somebody else trusted that somebody to sign that thing and you can build up a series of those statements and so then if you have an organization and you have a number of developers at that organization, say you're just following the actual like manager structure, it's like this manager says that this developer should be signing this package. At least then you can then just trust that manager and so on and kind of build this chain of what in tough we call delegations, right? That tell you who should be signing what, for what purpose? And I think those individual decisions about why I trust this developer to sign this package, I think just comes down to either the structure of the organization or the open source community and how they decide to kind of delineate that trust. But fundamentally it comes down to the root of trust, and it's like, well, there's always gonna be that question that at some point you have to trust somebody and there is no universal answer as to who you should trust. It's a personal choice kind of thing, but you're right, that vendors do, I mean, it's at the same time, it's a business opportunity, right? There are vendors that will provide indemnification and so on in exchange of money and so that's one possible answer. Next question. My question is more on the proactive actions you've mentioned. So one of the fundamental steps I feel of prerequisites to some of these challenges is threat modeling, threat modeling of any system or application or the DevOps cycle or supply chain cycle. How do you see that, what's your perspective on that is what I want to understand. Mainly from threat modeling basically gives you a sense of where things could go wrong and in what way, whether it's buffing and how any vulnerability could be exploited. Oh, I was just gonna say, yeah, so my opinion, yes, that is very like threat modeling, your SDLC and your supply chain is probably step one, especially at a large enterprise, right?  Are they existing more in the packaging area? Because that will help you out. I also, I don't have any left, but I have written a book where we go into sort of threat modeling this. Yeah, I was just gonna say that, yeah, that threat modeling step can help you determine where to start when securing the supply chain. So we're gonna help you see what are your weaknesses today, where should you start as you build that up. So I think it's definitely part of the process. Thank you. Okay, one last question. I wanted to ask what the, I guess, ecosystem is like for people that are consuming S-bombs today. Yep. Or like for people that are asking for them, what are they doing with them? Are they rolling their own things to like comb through them or their services or what actually happens once you provide those? I don't know that anything does. They get printed out and stored in a filing cabinet. I mean, unfortunately there's, I don't think there's many people using it. It's hard to use them. So I think that's part of the problem. Yeah, I mean, I think there's some projects like for example, open SSF project guac does ingest S-bombs. There are a few other ones like dependency track that do ingest S-bombs, but and there's various vendor tools that do, but I would say by and large, it's kind of currently still a compliance function, more than a security function, that at least from my experience, but I think the shift is happening where we are seeing more folks actually ask the question of I have an S-bomb, I wanna do something with this. What do I do with it? And I think that leads to more folks building out tools that can then consume those S-bombs, analyze them, do all sorts of stuff with them. Well, as I said earlier, I mean, there's a, some people definitely try to ingest those, build the database with it, and be more like proactive about CVs that get reported. Yeah, so it looks like we're at time. So thanks everybody for coming and... We are happy to hang out a little bit outside. If people have questions, we can entertain some additional questions outside. Thank you.


Our topic, the five things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. These are the things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. All right, really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. And if this content resonates with you, please hit that like button anytime that you hear something that goes, wow, this resonates with me. All right, we're gonna just jump right in before we do the Q and A. These are the five things a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. So let's kind of differentiate between humans when they're physically attracted to someone versus they're emotionally attracted to someone. And we all know that men are visual creatures. We seek relationship through our eyes when we feel good, the equipment goes up and we feel good when the equipment goes up. I hope you get the reference to the equipment going up. When a man feels good and he feels physically attracted to someone, he'll pursue someone. In fact, from a biological perspective, we men are conditioned to hunt and chase sex, you know, predominantly based on our physical, what's happening to us physically. And also one of the components of physical attraction is that brain chemicals are being released in our bodies telling us we feel good. So when two people have strong chemistry for one another, when they have strong physical chemistry from one another, they often pursue lust, they pursue lust. In other words, they're pursuing the physical attributes of relationship. And I'm here to say that relationship is a lot more than just the physical. We all know that, where at least we'd like to believe that a relationship is more physical, is more emotional than physical. And that's what I'm gonna lean into today. Now the challenge for a lot of women is men are biologically conditioned to approach a relationship from a physical perspective. Okay, we are literally biologically wired that way. We're wired to chase a woman and hunt a woman and claim a woman and all those things from the conquest of basically spreading our seed. And that's certainly from our caveman biological perspective. But the reality is, is for those of us that want to have a serious relationship, there has to be something more. Am I right? Does there's something have to be more than just the physical? I hope you feel that way and that's how I feel. And these are the emotional things. So let's dive into how a man will demonstrate that he's truly emotionally attracted to you beyond the physical and how that shows up. And if anything during this resonates with you, please hit that like button. And part of the reason is when you like this video, more people get to see it. So, and by the way, make sure you stay until the fifth one because the fifth one is the most important out of all of these, okay? So the first one, I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. And by the way, I finally got a pair. I mentioned this about a month ago. I finally got a pair of glasses from an optometrist so I can actually see better. But I wrote these out, I didn't memorize them. And the first, and tell me if you've experienced this as well, if you have experienced post a comment or a man who is emotionally attracted to you, he cares about your feelings, write that down. He cares about your feelings. And what that means is he wants to know how you're feeling and he wants to please you from an emotional perspective. And why I'm sharing this with you ladies is so many of you have this fear about expressing your feelings to a man because he might run away, he might run away. And I'm here to say, ladies, you have to stop this fear around expressing yourself with a man for fear that someone's gonna run away. It's one of the reasons why chapter one in my book. So I talk about my book in every video, chapter one, my book is called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway. By the way, anyone who wants a copy of my book, check out the description. By the way, I know people are gonna ask cause I'm gonna talk about books in the description. This is where you can get my book and there's also the Jonathan recommends book. I'll bring this up again. I didn't create a URL for you. But chapter one in my book is Speak Your Truth. Just do it with kindness. In fact, I was on the phone with a client today and we were just talking about something that's coming up with a man she's seeing and there was a fear around it and what we leaned into was that the importance of expressing herself, just do it in a kind loving way. Because if it's sincere and then there's a followup chapter in my book, if it's sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Let me repeat that. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person if it's sincere and from your heart. So going back to the man who's emotionally attracted to you, he cares about your feelings. He wants to know how you're feeling. Now, he doesn't want you to vomit his feelings habitually. That's what your girlfriends are for. That's what other friends in your life are for. Male or female friends is to vomit feelings because let me just say this, we all need to vent. We all need to vent in life. And what venting is and why I'm bringing up venting is that I want you, a volcano has vent. So when it's built up pressure, it vents out the steam so it doesn't blow up. Now a lot of human beings, so that's venting is important. Sadly though here, particularly in the United States, people in the United States are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness.  We see this in the news. We see this in social media.  Oh, I'm being authentic. I'm being transparent. I'm being vulnerable. No, complaining is none of those things. Venting on the other hand is expressing your feelings with the desire of healing from it, from a desire of resolution, from a desire of how can I improve upon it? But here we don't vent, we complain so we can get sympathy from people and just give me lots of sympathy. And that's very unattractive to a man. So why I'm saying this is, you can absolutely express your feelings to a man because if he's emotionally attached or attracted to you, he's gonna wanna lean into your feelings. You don't have to ever do the lean back when you're with a man who's emotionally attracted to you. You can absolutely lean into your feelings. Just remember, don't vomit your feelings, okay? And remember the difference between complaining and maybe just either expressing or venting. And the difference between the two is complaining, you're seeking sympathy from others or validation for your bad choices. And venting is how can I heal this? How can I improve? How can we improve upon this? Is this sinking in? If it is, please hit that like button, let me know. Really quickly, I know we have people already on here so I just wanna take a quick look and say hi to Rosalind and Eva and QT and all you people, thank you so much. And thank you for the compliment, Regina. Okay, number two, oh, this is a really good one. So a man who's emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express a fear or insecurity. I'm gonna repeat that. A man who's emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express a fear or insecurity. And what I mean is he's willing to be vulnerable with you. True intimacy, true intimacy is centered around being vulnerable, authentic and transparent.  That's not intimacy, that's sexual intimacy. Real deep emotional intimacy is the ability to be vulnerable with another human being to be able to say, I'm feeling a little fear. I know a friend of mine was going through a really hard time a year ago and it was in his business life. And he didn't express a problem to his partner, to his girlfriend, he was expressing a fear. Oftentimes, the fear is I'm afraid something might happen to my business, that's fear. Problems are kind of like complaining. This is what's going wrong, this what's going wrong. A fear is like, I'm afraid that something might happen. That's what a fear is. And a man who's truly emotionally attracted to you is unafraid to express those fears. Now, just like we're talking about vomiting, a guy who's vomiting his fears and insecurities all the time and he's constantly complaining, that may not be the right man to be in relationship with. It might be a man you might wanna be a support person to. But again, just like I said, women shouldn't vomit their feelings incessantly to a guy, the same for a guy. A guy who does too much of that may need some shoring up in his life. So he can be ready for a juicy, delicious relationship. By the way, I know many of you really appreciate when I use the term juicy, delicious relationship.  What's the point of going out on dates if you don't want to be in a juicy, delicious relationship? If you're just seeking companionship, connection, and sex, yeah, you might be temporarily happy, but real fulfillment in my heart and my mind is when you're bonded with another human being. When I think of my mother and father, this is a picture of them when they're in their 20s, they were together almost sick. Now actually they knew each other 72 years before my mother passed away. My mother was, well, take that back. She was 88, so no, they knew each other 74 years before my mother passed away. My mother met my father at age 14. They didn't eventually get really connect with one another until five years later. They were married almost 66 years. They were best friends with each other. They had built a life together.  My mother's in her 80s and she bought a hat to go on a trip. They were going on a cruise and all you could talk about how cute the hat was. And my father was a commander of a 600 foot destroyer in World War II. So this guy was no pushover. He was a true alpha male. But you know what? He looked at my mother with eyes of love. And that's what I mean when I talk about a juicy, delicious relationship is being able to see a partner through the eyes of love. And so when you're with a man who's emotionally attracted to you, he's gonna not be unafraid to share how he feels. That's number two. Let's talk about number three. Oh, number three. He will be transparent with you. And what I mean by that is he'll be transparent with you if it's material to the relationship. He'll be transparent with you. So we all have heard the phrase, can I be honest with you? I can't stand that phrase. I'm sure you feel the same way because that almost implies you're not honest with me on a regular basis. So what I'd like to replace the word can I be honest with you or can I be candid with you too? Can I be transparent with you? And a man who's emotionally attracted to you is going to be transparent in the sense that if it's something material to the relationship, he's going to speak up and talk about it, whether it's a concern he has about the relationship, maybe has a concern about himself, maybe has a concern about you. A man who's emotionally attracted is going to express himself as before with fears and insecurities, but also from a place of transparency. If it's material to the relationship, maybe he's having second thoughts about the relationship. Rather than getting blindsided by a guy who goes to you or disappears or starts doing the dysfunctional moonwalk. Oh, by the way, I coined the phrase dysfunctional moonwalk. If someone wants to write that down, that's a Jonathan Asley phrase. That's a guy that just complains and complains and complains so you basically break up with him. A man who's emotionally attracted to you will be transparent if it's material to the relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, please hit that like button. I know I keep repeating myself, but I'd like more people to be able to see this. Okay, that was number three. Let's go to number four. Number four. Oh, I love this.  He's going to share his joys.  The reason why we want to be in a relationship is as I said before, we want to feel good. And when you're with a partner that you really like being with, you want to call them up and tell them good news. That's what a man who's emotionally attracted to you does.  And those people, you can tell those people, you feel it. You all know what it feels like. You actually viscerally can feel it with the man is holding back. And you know the difference because a man who genuinely cares about you, who's emotionally attracted to you is going to share his joys with you. Is this resonating? I hope it is. Because when we share our joys with our partner, we're building the roots to trust. All of these things that I'm talking about build roots to trust. And when we build roots to trust, we create the stronger foundation for a relationship. And this is why so many relationships never get off the ground or go the distance because they haven't truly developed solid roots of trust. And I'd like to shift that narrative for you. This is why if you need support and embedding for emotionally available men, emotionally mature men, check out the link to a free discovery call with me. My area of expertise is helping you vet for emotional maturity. One of the reasons why so many of you women, and I'm grateful, what I'm about to say is purely coming from my ego, I'm gonna own it. One of the things I really appreciate you all think that I'm an emotional grownup. Well, this took a lot of work to get here. And what I do now is help you recognize because I'm not the only men out there. There are plenty of emotional grownups out there. I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity. Vetting is basically doing your homework and doing your research. I hope this is sinking in. Okay, now we're gonna come with our fifth one, our fifth thing a man does when he's emotionally attracted and then I'm gonna take questions. And just as a reminder, if you wanna ask a question, simply write the word question so I can see it and then ask an intelligent question, not just a bunch of ramblings because there's a lot of in the chat rooms I have to look through. So help me out by writing the word question or purchase a super chat or a super sticker. So the fifth thing a man will do, by the way, I've gotta turn do something really quickly. I turned up the heat because it was cold in here. The fifth thing a man will do when he's emotionally attracted to you. Let me write, let me read it. I wrote this down. He says he will progress the relationship forward if he knows it's important to you. Let me repeat that. He will progress the relationship forward if he knows it's important to you, meaning not everyone wants marriage. And yet, if so, as an example, not everybody wants marriage, men and women alike, but a man who's truly emotionally attracted to you, whether you're in midlife or in the younger years, if he's genuinely emotionally attracted to you, you're physically attracted to each other, you're building that juicy, delicious relationship with one another, if it's important to you living together, getting married, calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever that is for you, when it comes to the relationship, he'll progress the relationship forward. You won't have to pull teeth to get him to where you're at. When a man is emotionally attracted to you, he's already getting there with you. In fact, he's already taking the lead to some degree from the perspective of because you'll be building these solid, healthy roots together in relationship because of all of these things will be occurring. He will be, what was it again? Let's see, read this again. He'll care about your feelings. He'll express his own fears. He'll express his joys. He'll be transparent and he'll progress the relationship forward because that's what men do when they genuinely want to be in a relationship, a truly juicy, delicious relationship. Now the real challenge is, everyone asked me, where are these men? Where are these men? Well, they're the same place women are because ladies, a woman who is emotionally attracted to a man is doing all the same things as well. Let me repeat that. A woman who is emotionally attracted is doing all the same things as well. So ultimately, what do I wanna encourage you all to do is to do the following. I want you to think of the idea of co-creating a relationship.  If you wanna have a healthy, happy relationship then I invite you to be in charge of your relationship, Destiny, and operate from the premise of co-creating, co-creating. When you co-create a relationship, it goes like this into something solid. When the man's leading the relationship, where are you? He's, you just have to follow because he's going, like this is him, he's leading the relationship, you have to follow, but what if you wanna go here and he wants to go there? Ultimately, I wanna encourage you all, my invitation is to choose men who want to co-create a relationship. And if they don't know how to do it, then you have to lead by example. This is why I highly recommend ordering, where's the book? Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Oh, it's fuzzy right now. Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Get this book, it teaches you the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. All right, we're gonna take questions now. I just shared the five and the fifth one's the most important, but before we do, we're gonna do a trivia question as I always do. And Lisa says I love that book or I have that book, I hope you love it. So our trivia question, our first one today is, this is movie quiz. Who stars alongside Jennifer Lopez in the wedding planner? Who stars alongside Jennifer Lopez in the wedding planner? Let's see who gets that one right. All right, let's see who has questions. KC, I had a doctor, Atia writes, I had a doctor that we had a great connection. I have some specific gifts, I'm highly intuitive and I have some psychic abilities for a year. Okay, that's not a question. If you have a question, please do me a favor, write the word question in the chat and then give me your question because that'll help me out a lot. Ava writes, he'll progress the relationship going forward, correct? Some people have just said they bought the book. And by the way, Yana writes or Vana writes, Matthew McConaughey, that is correct. So ladies, this is the best part of this live stream is the question, so I need some juicy questions posted in the comments so I know how to help and support you today. Otherwise we're gonna end kind of quickly. Let's see what else. Okay, let's see, all right. Question, Lisa writes, why do you think people are so reluctant to go to therapy besides the stigma? Oh my gosh, great question. So for those of us who are baby boomers, literally up until that point, it was you keep everything close to the vest, you keep it inside, you don't express your feelings, you don't express what's going on. In fact, it's kind of interesting for those that are familiar with what's happening with Harry and Meghan and the Queen in England is that the sovereignty, the Queen has always kept everything close to the vest. In other words, everything has to be private and that's where we were conditioned that way literally throughout history. We've been conditioned to keep our feelings to ourselves. In fact, men in particular have been beaten into us over and over and over again. To be a man, you have to stuff your feelings down. That's what represents being a man is to stuff your feelings down. So part of the reason why people are reluctant is because we've been so conditioned to be afraid of therapy. Now, thankfully the newer generation, the Gen Z's and the millennials are more inclined to go to therapy because their parents as adults start to go to therapy after all their divorces. So I'm here to say that's the primary reason why. Also, a lot of people are afraid to really be introspective because it requires oftentimes to face some of the darker challenges. And that is, as I talked about in my book, Self Love is, look it, I have a podcast called the What Would Love Do podcast. And in the podcast, I say that the number one emotional health issue facing almost everyone is a distressing lack of I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. That's the big significant percentage of the population feels that way. And so the antidote to inner suffering, like I wrote my book, Self Love, that's the antidote to inner suffering. It requires taking that leap of faith and oftentimes we just need to be pushed in that direction. Let me tell you something. I didn't do therapy for the first 40 years of my life. It took losing my quarter million dollar a year job. It took getting a divorce to start doing this. And I was hung up on drugs and alcohol. I was self-medicating for a long period of my life until I literally hit rock bottom. And when I hit rock bottom, that was my opportunity to go get busy living or get busy dying. By the way, that's a quote from a movie. Does anyone know where that quote from that movie comes from, get busy living or get busy dying? And I chose to live. And that's when I began to do therapy. Oftentimes it takes severe humbling events, Lisa, before someone actually approaches therapy. It takes humbling events. And if we could have started much sooner, it would actually help us all if we could have all started therapy at a very young age. And therapy isn't something to be ashamed of. It's actually great to be able to talk to someone about your feelings instead of stuffing them in. So I love that question. And I hope I answered it. Thank you so much. All right. All right. Someone said that's a British thing too when I talked about the queen. Therapy helps so much. So Miss Chana, right? I can't pronounce your first name. Oh, Chris Ang says, I'm 30 and he's 52. He recently opened up that he's not very comfortable. Should I be worried? I like him a lot.  If you're in a relationship where you feel worry, then the most important thing to do is to use your words. These are my lips. Use your words, talk, speak, ask what he feels uncomfortable about. Lady, stop being afraid to speak up to guys. And if you need some help, I highly recommend this book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It should have been titled Compassionate Communication because the title, the reason why it's nonviolent is we oftentimes are pointing the finger at someone saying that they're wrong. Compassionate communication tries to get to the bottom of what's going on. In his case Christian, Chris Ang, I would say, ask what's coming up for him, talk to him. If you two are engaged in a relationship, then you shouldn't be afraid to speak up because if he's emotionally attracted to you, he's gonna lean into your feelings. He won't run away. And if he does run away, chances are he's not your guy. And then you're gonna be dealing with the reality is as you got attached to someone who wasn't right for you and that's on you, not on him, but that's a whole nother conversation. If this is resonating, please hit that like button.  There's nothing easy about being in a relationship where you're feeling worried. All right. Let's see if there's another, if you have a question, please write the word question so I know it's a question I can look them up much easier. Yes, it's Tina writes it's Shawshank Redemption in the movie Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne says, get busy living or get busy dying. Ladies, that's stop being afraid, live because dying is not speaking up, at least in my opinion. Okay, Regina writes, do you think a person that feels like they can't love like they used to because of past hurts is something they can ever get over? Okay, let me repeat that for everyone. Do you think a person that feels like they can't love like they used to because of past hurts is something they can get over? The answer is yes. However, it is absolutely something you can get over provided you want to get over it, okay? Listen, I've had hurts in my life. I'm sure you've had hurts in your life. Other people have had hurts in their lives.  I don't know how, my father probably only had a few women in his life and he might have only had one. Nowadays between the habitual dating we're going through, and I said this earlier, dating triggers the number one emotional health issue because if we've had repetitive over and over of dates that didn't go anywhere, dates that didn't go anywhere, relationships that didn't go anywhere.  This can wear on us emotionally and it can cause a person to become bitter or jaded. It can cause a person to become bitter or jaded and sadly whether it's men or women and ladies, I'm a guy out there, I'm a single man out there and I gotta tell you the vast majority of women are deeply hurt and because of that they've become incredibly wounded, jaded, bitter. It makes it so hard to connect with a person if there's a wall up. And the minute I notice a wall, it's not my job to tear down their wall. That is not your job to tear down someone else's wall. It's, I mean, a big proponent of being loving and supportive, but if someone starts the process with a wall that's not where I wanna meet with them. So the question I would ask someone, and by the way, somebody write this down, okay? They've expressed that they've had past hurts. The follow-up question is this, I'm gonna drink my coffee. By the way, what does my coffee mug say? Swear a little, you'll feel better.    Okay, the question you wanna ask them is how did you heal from your past relationship? How did you heal? Or how are you healing from that? When someone expresses their hurts and pains, okay, we've received it. The follow-up question is how are you healing from that? And if they're dear in the headlights, then you may wanna take a pause on whether or not you wanna invest in them. Because yes, they can absolutely grow. Send them the therapy and then they can come back to get the, you know, by the way, we all know Jonathan says this all the time.  So, see if they're willing to do some work before you invest your heart, your soul, your emotions and your body to another human being. Is this sinking in everyone? I hope it is. All right, now we have to scroll up to see if there's any more questions.  Good, that's great, Lisa.  Yes, Regina writes, I've only had sex with two men and I'm in my mid-50s. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm happy for you either way. Lisa writes, I have very little baggage. David Hernandez, a man. Agree, even as a man, I gotta say, a guy with high body count can be a detriment to his loyalty and faithful. I experienced this with my dad when he was cheating with my mom with girls he had before him, had a harem.  You know, what is too many? You know, the movie, The Ghost of Girlfriends Past, it looked like Matthew, that's a movie, right? Matthew McConaughey must have had sex with a thousand women, at least in that movie, a thousand women. Did that affect his ability to fall in love with someone? Yes, until he actually looked inward when he finally was faced, when the ghost of his past came in and looked him in the eye and he had to look into the mirror and face himself, that's when he changed. So it's not how many sexual partners you've had, the real question becomes, have you looked in the mirror and said, is this working for me? And if it's not, what do I wanna do to change?  Anyway, I hope I answered your question, David. All right, all right. Fiona writes, thank you for your advice and support. Thank you, Fiona, I appreciate that. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question underneath it. I can't pronounce your name properly, M-A-J-A, okay. David says, the best thing is to have self-control. Yes, self-control is a good thing for men and women alike. Joy writes, say he does the first four things. I think the basis, okay, say he does the first four things of the five things I share. I think the basis for a very close friendship and if five does not happen, should you discuss it, wait or walk away? Ladies, I love this question, thank you, Joy. So let me just say this. You should be discussing, okay, I know every dating relationship coach tells you to do the opposite of what I'm about to say, but does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where George did the opposite of his natural impulses and what happened? When he did the opposite of his natural impulses, all of a sudden, all great things happen in his life.  This is why those who follow my work, who have listened to me know this is Jonathan Asley's standard. I invite you to incorporate this standard and that is the following. I wanna be in a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, teamwork building, which includes being there for each other as a team, both in our personal life and our professional life, traveling together, experiencing things together, eventually building the roots for long-term commitment, which might be either living together or getting married. That's where I starting point. That's my starting point. My invitation for you is to use your words, those are your words, and express what it is you want. Now I can tell you, ladies, as a coach, I'm a dating or relationship coach to women in midlife, my predominant clients or after baby making years and before retirement, although I do have some clients in their 20s and 30s and I have some clients in their 70s as well. What I'm here to say is ladies, you all have a fantasy of you want based, and this is my experience based on the 40,000, I hope I don't have to get spanked, 40,000 foot level. I teach you how to get it at the ground level because of my proprietary boot camp I created. I've created a system to help you design your ideal relationship so you know what it looks like beyond what I just said.  When a client hires me, one of the things they do is they type out their ideal relationship. Then they go through my proprietary boot camp, which takes about five or six weeks. And after my boot camp, I have them rewrite their ideal relationship. And can I tell you what happens every single time? Every single time, women say to me the following. I wish they taught me this in school. I wished my parents taught me this. I wished I learned this 10 years ago before I dated this knucklehead. I'm here to say ladies, you have to do this for yourself. That's why if you need support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise. It's someone. Oh, Kelly, thank you so much for that super sticker. That's so sweet of you. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. By the way, for those, Kelly knows this. For those who know, I lost my 19 year old son, Connor. That's a picture of him in the Obey shirt. And my goal is to start a foundation. So the money I get from super chats and that sort of thing is going to help me because I want to start a foundation as a name. It'll be something related to Salty. Everyone who knows Connor's nickname is Salty. And my goal is to start a foundation in the next year. In his name, I really no idea where I'm going with it. I just know that's something I want to do. So Kelly was kind enough to give me a super sticker. And that was very sweet of you. I want to give you a big, gigantic Johnathan bear hug for that. All right. Joy, I hope I answered your question. All right, Lisa writes, Okay. Let's see. Question, uncomfortable question. Uncomfortable with our age gap. This goes back to that Christian 30 and 52. Yeah. Okay, I can understand why a man would be uncomfortable if he's 50 and with a 30 year old for a variety of different reasons. And by the way, women feel the same way as well. One is as we age, we feel you might abandon us. That's probably one of the predominant fears someone might have is as a person age, they might feel you might abandon them. It might be uncomfortable also because references to things in life, someone who's got 20 years younger doesn't have the same life experience as someone in their fifties. They might feel differences in their social structure and that sort of thing. So there's a variety of things that feel uncomfortable. The follow-up question is let's talk about this together. Let's talk about what makes you feel uncomfortable. If someone's emotionally attracted to you, they're gonna lean into the conversation. If they really want a full-blown, fully committed relationship that goes the distance, then they're not gonna be afraid. And anyone who's afraid to have a serious conversation about the relationship, ladies, let's think about this. Do you wanna be with someone who's afraid to talk about the relationship? I hope to God not. And by the way, most men are not unafraid. Most men are willing to talk. It just requires building the roots to trust and this is one of the weaknesses with the philosophy that men are just supposed to claim women and all you ladies have to do is just sit in your feminine energy and just sit back and he'll do all the work. Let me tell you, it is not feminine energy to be kind, compassionate, warm and caring. That is not feminine energy. That's good human energy. It's not masculine nor is it feminine to be kind, compassionate, loving and open. This is why I'm not a big fan of the narratives because a man can be all those things but you wouldn't call a man feminine if he's kind, compassionate. Well, you might call him feminine but that's just a bad label. I'm here to say, if you wanna lean into the relationship then lean into your own sovereignty, lean into your own self-love. Because it is through your words, it's through being a grown-up that you have any chance of making a relationship success and that's my invitation for you. Is this sinking in? Please let me know it is by hitting that like button. All right, is it time for another trivia question? I think so. Oh, this will be a good one. Which 1988 film stars Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey? Which 1988 film stars Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey? Let's see who gets that one. Regina says, admit he will only give me fake love and I've only been in love twice. That's why I only two sex partners. Okay, thanks. Open your mouth. Yes, Lisa. All right, if you have a question, write the word question and then post your question. Oh, by the way, Lisa points out that age difference. I meant to say music differences are one of the things. I know when I was in a relationship with someone who was 10 years older than me, she had no clue of 80s music and I'm a big gigantic 80s music fan.  So those who've listened to my older YouTube live. So anyway, let's see what other questions. Fiona writes, the man I'm dating is 42, I'm 48. I have a nine year old triplets and he has no children. And that certainly plays on my mind. If I should continue with the relationship. Well, before I would consider exiting the relationship, how about talking to him about how he feels in the relationship? Fiona, my first couple of questions is how long have you two have been dating? How regularly do you see each other? Has he been engaged in activities with your children? These are all the things I'd wanna know before I'd exit out of a relationship. And again, if he hasn't met your children or engaged with them, ultimately, listen, if you wanna build the roots to a foundation of a relationship, it's gonna have to incorporate your family as well. That's an important piece of the foundation. So I highly, I would at least wanna find that out. All right, thank you, Fiona. And the correct, it's beaches, correct. Not bridges, beaches. 80s music is awesome. All right, if you have a question, post the word question and then write it. So I know that there's a question coming up. Uh, let's see. Oh, question, why after you cut off something that he saw as casual, does, do they keep coming back or attempting to, should I say I don't reply? Okay, Sarah writes, and I'm gonna paraphrase on this. Sarah writes, why would, why after you cut something off that was casual, would someone keep coming back? Okay, this happens frequently.   But you remember this one relationship that felt good. Well, maybe if I just reach out to them and get a little bit of attention, I can feel, I can replace what's missing inside of me. A lot of times people reach out to old past loves beyond friendship is because they're missing something inside of themselves. And they just wanna fill that hole with someone who's familiar. Because if you invest a time with someone, you've built something with someone and then it's no longer there, you still feel connected with them. So oftentimes the reason why people do that is they're just trying to fill the hole inside of them. If this resonates with you, please hit that like button. I'd really appreciate it. Donna writes, I'm curious why, I'm curious why you haven't considered or mentioned holding a type of book session for the books you suggest reading. The main ones, obviously members would have to buy the books. You know what's interesting Donna, thank you so much. So I've been considering in my private group, I have a private group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out the link to my VIP group. I've actually been thinking about grabbing these books and doing a book club with my books in my private membership. So that is something I am considering within my private membership. By the way, I found out last week when I did this that one of you was doing a book, has a book club and they're doing my book right now.  Anyone who purchases, what the heck is self love anyway? The link's below and has a book club and my book is on their reading list. I will personally get on a conference call with all of you and talk about the book with you as my gift if you put together this book club and you do my book. So anyone who just heard that, if you do that, I'd be happy to do a conference call with y'all. All right, let's see if there's any questions. Just reminder, write the word question so I can see what's there. Regina writes, good word, trying to go back to what's comfortable and fill the void inside of them. That's exactly it. So that's oftentimes what people do, okay. Rosie writes, I've been dating a man for four months and we see each other two to three times a week. I'm seven months separated but wanna pursue this relationship. He is hesitant until I'm divorced but treats me like his girlfriend. So what's the question? You're hesitant? You know what? I'm a big believer it takes a good year to two years to unravel the tapestry of an old life to be able to build a new life. So for me, I know I wouldn't date someone who's separated or who hasn't been divorced for at least one year. Now that's just me speaking because I don't wanna be entangled with any entanglement somebody else has. Now that's just me. I can understand why he feels a reservation. So this is a challenge. This is something that's gonna require some deep serious conversation and he has every right to be concerned because until your divorce is final and the settlement of the divorce has been finalized it can be a problematic issue in both of your lives. So I can understand his reservation. I don't know if I have a solution for you other than make sure you talk to one another about what's coming up in your fears and anxieties and concerns. All right, again, if you have a question post the word question and then write your question. I hope that helped Regina. Thank you so much. Okay. What if they've been separated for like three years but not divorced? Okay. And then I'm gonna go back to Sheila. I'll get your question in a second. What if they've been separated for three years but not divorced? You know, here's the thing. To me, it's not clean. Look it, I'm a guy who wants to get remarried. I, look it. I mean, could I bend my rules for someone amazing? Probably I would. But I start there as a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't enter into a relationship. So if they've been separated for three years here's the problem. Sometimes people never get divorced. Okay. I'm just not willing to roll the dice. Okay.  You can do whatever you want. But my feeling is this. It's not clean until someone's divorced. That's just my two cents on it. And I know a lot of people would agree with me. If this is resonating, hit that thumbs up button for me. All right. Sheila writes, he finally said it's not good time for a relationship and said relationships are disastrous. His attachment style is dismissive. I went no contact and he invited me to stay as a friend. So then what's the question, Sheila? Will he contact me again or is he serious? Oh, okay. I guess that's the question. All right. So he finally said it's not a good time for a relationship and said relationships are disastrous. His attachment style is dismissive, went no contact. But he wants to stay as friends. So why do we want to stay with friends with people that we've been intimate with because we feel a connection with them? My feeling is this.  I'm more than happy to be a social friend with someone. I'm willing to be cordial and kind with another human being. But I'm not going to invest my intimate feelings with a person, at least who is not a true friend and a true friend, it's very difficult to build a true friend from someone who has a dismissive attachment style, who thinks relationships are disastrous and has no real business. My invitation for you, Sheila, is tell him to go seek therapy, go spend one year with a therapist and if he wants, he can come back and have a social friendship with you. That's how I would approach it. Is this sinking in everybody? If it is, please hit that like button. Thank you so much. All right, Lisa, thank you so much. Kim writes, my husband says I nag him too much. How do I get him emotionally attached to me again? All right, chances are you are not following this book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. But here's the thing. I would start finding out what nagging really means to him. What is it that he's not comfortable with? But read this book first. Read this book first because when you understand how to communicate in a healthy way, it won't come across as nagging. It'll come across as a productive conversation. Now, a lot of couples need to do therapy because the therapist listens to one person's point of view then listens to the other person's point of view and then they actually come up with what's really being said. So chances are my question is, what does he claim you are nagging him about? But ask yourself, does this person really just wanna invest in the relationship? And I know it's a challenge when you're married and I don't know the details. Do you have children? Are you a young couple or are you an older couple? My invitation is maybe seek therapy. If you point blank out, ask them, do you want this relationship to go the distance? And if you do, would you be open to going therapy together so we can work out our issues? I yell sometimes just cause I'm passionate. I curse sometimes because I think it feels good. I hope everything resonates with you. And also just stop nagging as Lisa says. Yes, Sheila, thank you.  All right, let's see. If you have a question, post the word question and write a question out. This will help me help you, help me help you. Jennifer says I'm late to the live. Jennifer then post a question because we wanna keep this going for another five more minutes. By the way, everyone, listen, I've been transparent with you all. I've been doing more lives because quite frankly, I said I was bored the last time and that's not true. I'm partially lonely. I'm in the same boat as many of you going through this pandemic. It's not easy to navigate life feeling stuck at home.  I'm desperate and thirsty for that. So right now I'm using this vehicle to connect. If I could figure out how to get a girlfriend through my YouTube channel, I would be ecstatic because I'd like to have a partner to do all the juicy, delicious things life has to offer. Sadly, I'm struggling with the same things many of you are. Just like many of you are struggling with men who are emotionally unavailable or dismissive or anxious or avoid it, women are just the same way or women are stuck in their ego and not in their loving. And I'm looking for that kind of partner just like you are. There's nothing easy about this.  It really is. But ultimately here's my invitation. Go back to get busy living or get busy dying. As a friend said to me once, love is a risk. And yet it's still the best game in town and that's the way I look at it. So all right, we're gonna take one more question, our two, how do you diffuse a man's anger? Okay, this is a great question, Jennifer. How do you diffuse a man's anger? Everybody, ladies, I want you to buy one of those bull horns, those fog horns, okay?  This is just my passionate yelling.  Now, that's my protective big brother, I'm your father approach.  And what I'm saying is, and that sounds rather angry what I'm saying, but my point is there's no business for anger. How do you diffuse anger? I'm gonna tell you something that happened to me in my relationship and my ex-girlfriend and I, I shared this story before. We got into a major fight and I don't wanna take time giving the whole story because there's really a big story here. I wanna give you the clip note version. We got into a big fight and we were fighting with each other. Finally, I decided to do something to change the narrative and I expressed five things I was grateful for in the relationship. I expressed five things I was grateful for in the relationship. And as I started to express what I'm grateful for, I could see the armor coming down, the ice around her coming down. And then I invited her to express five things she was grateful for in the relationship and the more she expressed, the more the anger started to come down. And then we could talk to one another. My invitation after you do the fog horn, just kidding, is start with gratitude to try to shift the energy. And when you can shift the energy, you can actually connect with one another. Love that question. Thank you so much. How do you persuade someone to go to therapy? Should you give him an ultimatum? I don't believe in ultimatums. I believe it's an invitation. If you'd like to have regular sex with me, would you be open to going to therapy? And if you don't feel open to therapy, then I'm gonna wait until you're ready to have a serious conversation about a relationship and sex is off the table.  By the way, Jonathan recommends books as in the description, how to be an adult in relationship. An adult have conversations you don't need to give ultimatums. All right, we're gonna take one more question. So, Joy writes, I have a friend who is really good guy, he's 67 and his design is decided at his age, he's too old for a relationship in any kind. He never married, is that unusual? Given that roughly 80% or more of the, I think 83% of the population eventually gets married at some point in their life, some point even at age 67, that is unusual, but it's not impossible, people do actually can get married. That's not unusual, it is unusual, it's not common, given that 83% of the population, I think eventually does get married. All right. Life is better shared exactly, Tina. What if he ghost you after you tell him about his pattern of behavior? Rather than expressing, pointing out someone's behavior, how about expressing how you feel about the behavior and then see how they react? But it's not uncommon, some human beings are so afraid of facing their stuff that they run away, and that's what ghosting is simply running away. So that's not an uncommon experience. Men and women alike do this, they run away from their fears or they run away from problems. Listen, everyone, you know what? We're coming up on the hour. I'm gonna do one more trivia question. I know there's more questions. We're gonna do this one last trivia question. Which film stars Molly Ringwall as a teenager whose family forgot her 16th birthday? This will be a really hard one. Which film stars Molly Ringwall as a teenager whose family forgot her 16th birthday? I'm sure everyone's gonna get that because it was literally in the question. You know what? I wanna thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to come into your lives today. This is one of my passions to be able to express myself. As I shared with you, I'm feeling a bit lonely. This allows me to connect with people. Even though I don't see you, I see the chats. By the way, 16 candles is correct. From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank you. First off, thank you all for your kindness about my son Connor. I really appreciate that. I really appreciate that you acknowledge my son Colin as well. Thank you so much. I wanna thank you all for all the compliments you give me. I can't tell you how much my ego loves that. And I'm so grateful that this content is resonating with you. If you would please be so kind. Couple things. A, if you'd like to talk to me, check out a link to a free discovery call. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Lisa and so many on here are in the group. Check out my podcast, The What Would Love Do podcast. Check out my book, What the Heck Would Self Love Anyway. And there's in the description, there's an opportunity to get all these. And finally, I want most of all for you, is choose to love yourself. Because it is through self love, through introspective work, through healing, can we actually live a life of fulfillment and empowerment. And as I always say to women, you are in charge of your relationship destiny. Sadly, many human beings expect another human being to love them for you to love yourself. And I wanna change that narrative to be one of empowerment. It is not masculine nor feminine. It is empowered energy that I want you to invite you all to do. And that's what self love is. And I hope I'm making a difference in your life. Again, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye bye now. Bye everyone. Bye. Thank you, Lisa, Tina, Sheila, Gloria, Joy, Dolly, Holly, Erika, Fiona, Sarah. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I love you all. Have a great evening. I'm going to the hot tub right now. Bye now. Kelly, thank you again.