8. Models But the girl who sat alone on the victor's side porch that Sunday afternoon had descended into depths of misery that were not possible to her father and mother. They were comforted when they thought of God. Why not leave all to the helper who has never failed us yet, the father had quoted, and then had kissed his wife and smiled cheerfully? But the thought of God did not help Esther. She had never felt farther from him than on this afternoon when, as she told herself bitterly, she had been trying to honor him. The sorrowful truth was that nothing with which Esther Randall had to do satisfied her less and tried her more than did what Faith Farnham called her religion. Faith had spoken plain words to her before that day, all the more stinging because they were true. You live in a little narrow space all hedged about with thou shalt nots, or I must nots, and that seems to be all there is of it. This was one of her thrusts, and Esther, recalling it, told herself that it was true. What was the trouble with her? What was the trouble with everybody? Where should she look, now that she was away from home, for people whose religion was a central force in their lives? There, for instance, were the victors, every one of them except the high school girl, members of the church. Esther's lip curled instinctively when she thought of them. Almost across the street from her was the church of their choice, so near that the words of the hymn, being at that moment sung in the young people's meeting, floated out distinctly on the quiet air. I know I love thee better, Lord, than any earthly joy. How many of those so blithely singing meant that solemn affirmation are realized that their lips were making it? It is true she had no right to judge, and had small acquaintance with the worshippers. But there were the victor girls, members of that young people's association. At that moment they were dallying over their piano, two young men who had dropped in a short time before keeping them company, and snatches of various tunes were being tried. Most of them might perhaps be classed under the general title of sacred music, though every now and then a gay little strain from a college song would intrude, and the talk with which it was all interluted was of the lightest and gayest. What would her father and mother think of such Sunday evening doings as that, within a stone's throw of the church to which they had pledged their service? His victor came to the side door and looked out, seeing no one, for the twilight had deepened, and Esther had purposely withdrawn into the shadow. Salma followed her mother with a question. Going to church tonight, mama? No, dear, I think not. One sermon a day from Dr. Chaston is as much as I can digest. Besides, I promised Mrs. Severn that I would run in for a while this evening. Is Mrs. Severn sick? Oh, no, but she is lonesome. The servants all go out, and she is in that great house alone. Mr. Severn doesn't get back until the midnight train, you know. Why don't you take her with you to church? Why, child, what a question! The Severns never go to church, you know. The schoolgirl laughed. That might be a reason for inviting her, one would think, she said. That is, if people believe in church going, I don't myself.  Well, mama, you know what I mean. I don't see the use in so much church going. Honestly, I don't, and I might as well own it. I never noticed that it did anybody any good, and I think sermons are dreadfully pokey things. Still, of course, I don't mean anything dreadful. I know I couldn't go to-night if I wanted to ever so much. I've got a horrid algebra lesson to learn. At that moment Mr. Victor appeared, and his daughter assailed him. Are you going to church, papa? No, daughter. I'm going over to David Warren's. David and I have a little matter of business that we have been trying for several weeks to get time to talk over. Wait up for me, mama. I may be late. Do either of you know where Robert is? I do, said Salma. He has gone to drive with the Heagle boys. Alice and I met them a way out on the Morristown Road. Rob swung his hat at us. They were driving so awfully fast that he had no chance to speak. They had that big bay horse who ran away twice last week. Rob will get his neck broken some day, riding after all sorts of horses. I wish Robert wasn't forever running with the Heagle boys, said Mr. Victor, a mixture of anxiety and irritability in his tone. They are the fastest young fellows in town. I don't know what Rob's sisters are about, that they don't try to keep their brother at home on Sunday nights at least. The Irrepressible Salma Giggled. Papa, they can manage Laura Banks's and Nellie Stewart's brothers better than their own, I guess. At least they don't have any trouble in keeping them with them on Sunday nights. They have been fooling around the piano for over an hour pretending to sing, but they don't do anything but laugh and talk. I think Jim Stewart is awfully silly. If Esther had needed illustrations with which to reinforce her pessimistic spirit, this Christian household was certainly furnishing them. She tugged miserably at the undertone thought which would beset her. Were there people, that is, many people, who got more out of their religion than she and the victors did? Of course there were always her father and mother, but then they were peculiar, everybody thought so. Even in that little country town where they lived, the people recognized them as unlike others. She seemed to hear at the moment the strong nasal accent of Uncle Abram Pratt, Joram's father, giving his opinion. I tell you what, if there was ever a man made that was too good for this earth, I think it is Elder Randall. As for his wife, an angel straight out of heaven couldn't do any better than she does. With both of these statements Esther was in sympathy. There was no use in trying to compare other people with her father and mother. There was Dr. Armitage, the man whom she was privileged to hear preach every Sunday. He was a privilege, one could hear that on all sides. People said he was just the man for a college town, so scholarly, so dignified, and with all such a fine speaker. Even President Morris had pronounced his literary style almost beyond criticism. As a rule Esther enjoyed listening to his highly polished sentences delivered in a rich or a tonned voice. If there were times when she was tempted to call his efforts addresses instead of sermons, and to sigh for her father's earnestness and simple directness of style, she knew enough to set it down to homesickness. Dr. Armitage was of course a great preacher, and any girl of sense ought to esteem it a privilege to listen to him. Yet on that Sunday evening when she was dealing in plain truths she told herself that Dr. Armitage's sermons did not help her spiritually in the least, and she did not see how they could help anybody except in a literary way. And for herself, since she studied Browning and Shakespeare and Emerson more or less during the week, under competent instructors, why should she need such food on Sunday also? What did she need, the Bible? She had been present in the Bible class that morning. It was one of the experiences that had served to spoil her day, and made her out of accord with life in general. When Professor Langham splendid this morning, Blanche Halstead had said to her, When he indulges in that fine sarcasm of his I just adore him, he is so keen, his wits flash like polished steel. Esther had replied coldly that she did not consider a Bible class a fit place in which to indulge in sarcasm, nor the Bible a suitable book to level it at. Whereupon Blanche had laughed, the sort of laugh that was unpleasant to hear, and had told her that she wanted the Bible wrapped in pink cotton and laid away on a shelf to be handled occasionally with carefully gloved hands. But for her part she liked to see it talked about just like any other book without being trampled by the superstitions of the past. And that was just what Professor Langham did with it. What he had done for Esther was to make her feel that her father was unscholarly and narrow, altogether too old-fashioned in his views and feelings to rank with educated men of today. It was not so much what the professor said as his manner of saying it that annoyed her. He had almost been flippant over statements that she had been taught to receive with reverence. Throughout the entire class-hour she had been conscious not that she herself was being disturbed by his teachings or inferences, but that they would be offensive to her father and mother, and that therefore she wanted none of them. Curiously enough this state of feeling increased her annoyance. I am all second hand, she told herself irritably. It doesn't appear that I have any opinions of my own. They are merely the reflection of what my father and mother think. In reality the girl was being much more influenced by thee to her entirely new method of presenting Bible lessons than she supposed. There were times when it seemed to her that the very foundations on which her childish faith had rested were being overturned. This she resented with a fierceness that she herself only half understood. She longed to hold all her ideals and it not only distressed but angered her that they were being disturbed. Once in the Bible class being especially tried she had boldly challenged the teacher. What has gained Professor Langham by undermining one's faith in such statements since there seems to be nothing better to offer in their place? He had smiled graciously as he replied that she had apparently reached a conclusion which did not seem to him to be tenable since truth was always a better foundation than falsehood however pleasantly the latter might be expressed. And then had asked would not your suggested method be like what Dr. Van Dyke calls a claim to solve the problems of the inner life by suppressing them? The words had stung her chiefly perhaps because she felt their truth as applied to herself. She had come suddenly into a new atmosphere. A questioning spirit was all about her. Before she had been three months in college she realized what she had never before felt that she lived in a doubting age and far worse than that something to be resented and combated to the last was herself almost among the doubters. Yet it was trivial matters that had helped to bring her that Sunday afternoon to such a state of discouragement and gloom. She recognized this and the very triviality irritated her. It was always so she told herself. She went around straining at nats and swallowing camels. Why should she allow herself to be miserable because for instance she had broken a dish. She was not the only one in the world who had ever done such a thing and certainly she had made reparation that would have satisfied any reasonable mortal. If she had to deal with unreasonable ones she was not to blame for that. Yet it wrinkled within her that broken dish chiefly because it represented failure on her part. She had been sorely tried that Saturday morning. Saturdays were generally hard days. They represented some degree of holiday to her college friends, but for her they meant two extra hours in Mrs. Victor's employ. She had given an impatient and wholly unnecessary fling with her drying cloth the only expression of her extreme disapproval of Mrs. Victor's words and manner that she had meant to allow herself and had thereby knocked a pitcher against a nervous little gravy bowl of unique pattern which had seized the occasion to roll from the tray and break in a dozen pieces. Then Mrs. Victor, who was in her Saturday condition of trying to do too many things at once, had exclaimed and mourned. Why was that particular gravy-boat on the table at all? It should never be used save on special occasions. It was a very choice dish, a family piece that had been her grandmothers. She would rather have had the entire set of modern china broken than that one piece. Oh, that's it, of course not. It was very old and therefore naturally the more valuable. She was very, very sorry, but there was no use in talking about it. Unfortunately, regrets would not mend broken china. Esther, who had been genuinely sorry, grew irritable over what she considered the two valuable regrets, but resisted the temptation to tell Mrs. Victor that she was no lady to make such an adieu over an accident. She retired, however, into gloomy silence and maintained it rigidly all the morning, despite the fact that Mrs. Victor evidently grew ashamed of her excessive regrets and tried by pleasant words and considerate ways to atone. Esther resisted these so effectually that while she waited on table at luncheon she had the pleasure, between the courses, of overhearing Mrs. Victor say with a long-drawn sigh, I think sometimes I shall have to get rid of that girl in spite of her efficiency. She is so hopelessly ill-tempered, and of all forms of ill-temper I think I dread sullenness the most. I feel as though I had been spending the morning with a tombstone, and I worked with her all the while, too, and tried to make things as easy as I could. Esther was making as much clatter with the spoons she was rinsing as she could, but the lady's high-pitched voice reached her nevertheless and made her face burn. Not the less because she realized that she was being well-described. She had really been sullen. It angered as well as shamed her to have to admit it. No one, perhaps, even of those who knew her intimately, would have imagined that Esther Randall coveted a serene spirit, a mind capable of rising above the pettinesses of life and showing by its calm that it dwelt in a higher atmosphere. Yet this was precisely what the girl admired in others and longed for in herself. One of Professor Langham's greatest charms in her eyes had been the calmness with which he could deal with petty annoyances and vexations such as would have driven her wild. Nothing seemed able to move him out of that atmosphere of superior calm. His very sarcasms were guilt edged and graceful. Unconsciously to herself, Esther had been making him her model, and the fact that she had made no sort of progress toward that high calm but seemed instead to grow more irritable, more easily moved by trifles, alternately made her angry or despairing. When her duties at Mrs. Victor's were done for that day, instead of treating herself to a half holiday as she had planned, she took a street cart to the city near at hand and spent the hours in a weary search for a gravy ball of peculiar pattern and design. Just when she had exhausted the great china stores, wholesale and retail, she found in a little out of the way variety shop what at first view seemed to be the exact pattern and close examination revealed only slight differences. It did not sweeten her temper to realize afterwards that the shrewd foreign shopkeeper saw her eagerness to buy and put up his price accordingly. The peace suddenly became very rare indeed and cost much more than she had anticipated, but at any price it must be had, and she bore it home in triumph. But Mrs. Victor's spirit of propitiation had passed. She had had trials during the afternoon that Esther knew not of, and was not in an appreciative mood toward the girl who had sulked in her kitchen all the morning. She received the offering coldly and without the slightest idea of the time and money which it represented. She assured Esther that she need not have undertaken anything of the kind. Such things could not be replaced. It was not the intrinsic value of the dish, but its associations handed down from the past. Of course a new dish, however much like the other, could never fill its place. Then she carefully pointed out the difference in the pattern. It was then that Esther quite lost her temper and indulged in sarcasms that were neither guilt-edged nor graceful and was bitterly ashamed of herself afterward. What wonder that her Sunday was the unrestful day it proved to be? Yet the evening ended in stern resolve. Under cover of the darkness the girl shed a few miserable tears, then arose to the occasion. She would never give up her religion, though all the world should prove hypocritical or superficial or calmly and different, yet would not she. The belief of her father and mother should be her belief, their practice should be her practice, whether she derived any benefit from it all or not. To that end she went to her room and read five consecutive chapters in her Bible before she went to bed. CHAPTER IX Harmony and Discord The day was perfect at least so far as weather was concerned, and its charms were such that it had been generally discussed, although the dwellers in that part of the world were used to perfect May days. It was Saturday and a gala day, at least for the company who were to spend it on King Mountain. Esther Randall's long-planned Saturday holiday had come to her at last. A select company, not too large for enjoyment, yet large enough to escape the charge of exclusiveness, had started in the early morning for the twelve miles drive, with a view to giving the entire day to the joys and glories of open-air life and mountain scenery. Lanch Halstead and Faith Farnham were of the company, of course. Indeed Faith was the moving spirit of the trip, though she had been ably aided and abetted by Professor Langham. A number of the younger and favorite teachers were included in the company. We have a select and congenial and at the same time distinguished crowd, Faith said complacently to Esther when arrangements were complete. I congratulate myself on my skill in avoiding the not wanted. The only jarring note in the composition is Laura Welby, and she may be said to have invited herself. At least I failed in making her understand that she was not intended. However, Laura means to be all right, and she can't help being stupid, I suppose, any more than the rest of us can help being brilliant. Who are to pose as the distinguished members? Esther asked. Who can tell my child? The wise ones say that Professor Langham needs only a few years and gray hairs to be set down as distinguished in his department. And our famous graduate, Mr. Harkness, is alarmingly near distinction already with his scientific discovery. And then, my dear, here are our honorable selves, every one of us looking forward to distinction in some line. Mine isn't having a good time. I haven't quite settled at what yours is to be, but if you continue in your present sphere, before you know it you will be distinguished as having lived a whole year with the victors without having choked or poisoned any of them. Esther was in high spirits that day, almost too high her watchful mother would have said, not to expect a reaction. But in truth, the reaction from steady and for the most part hard work was upon her. It was long since she had allowed herself an entire day for rest and recreation. The company was in every way congenial to her. The two girls so unlike her continued to be her special friends and were growing so dear that time spent in their society was counted as pleasure. Then Professor Langham, who was always distinguished for his thoughtfulness and courtesy, had about him that day a certain indefinable but distinct something which was more than either courtesy or thoughtfulness. Esther, as she felt it, felt also a strange new glow at her heart and timidly questioned, was this, could it be possible that he then left even her thought unfinished, but her heart beat the faster because of it? Accident, if accident it was, had thrown them much together during the early part of the day. It had been arranged that in the great Four Horse Mountain Wagon two people must occupy the high front seat with the driver. It was a coveted place because of its greater opportunity for unobstructed views. For that reason everyone held politely back and waited for others. At last Professor Langham came to the driver's aid. See here, friends, we are losing time. We should be on our way. Somebody must sacrifice himself or herself at once or shall we draft people? Suppose we leave it to the laws of chance. There are, let me see, one, two, seven ladies who have not yet appeared. I decree that the first one who comes through Yonder Gate shall be appointed to the front seat. As he spoke a merry shout went up, for at that moment Esther Randall came breathlessly up the college hill and hurried through the gate with the air of one who knew she was late and was being waited for. Amid much laughter and, on her part, bewildered questioning, she was mounted to the high seat. How shall the next victim be chosen? said the smiling Professor, and then the driver interposed. There had ought to be someone up here who knows how to drive, for there's places where the road is winding, that I can do better for you walking than driving, and yet I kind of like to have someone up here who knows how, if anything happens. At this all eyes were leveled at Professor Langham, who was an acknowledged horseman, but it was Laura Welby who spoke for them. Then let's make Professor Langham sit up there. I don't want to risk my neck with anybody else, but I know he can drive anything. In a class in Browning, murmured Faith Farnham, too low to be heard saved by her nearest neighbor, who exploded with laughter, for Laura Welby was the acknowledged dunce of the Browning class. At last the laughing, chattering crowd was seated, Professor Langham on the high seat next to the driver with Esther on his left. She had neither sought nor expected such an exalted position, but she had reason to be well pleased with it. Professor Langham knew every foot of the road which she was passing over for the first time, and could not only call attention to points of historic or legendary interest, but tell the stories connected with them. Moreover, his skill as a driver was several times demonstrated as he guided the horses along the narrow and sharply curving road while the driver ran on ahead to be sure there were no obstructions. There was also much talk that had not to do with the scenery. Whenever there was something of special local interest, Professor Langham thoughtfully turned his head and raised his voice so as to include as much of the company as possible, but between such points Esther had the full benefit of his conversational powers and admitted to herself that there was excellent ground for the generally-received opinion that Professor Langham was a rare talker. Moreover, there was all the while that subtle something which marked his manner toward her as out of the ordinary. He had laid aside the air of a teacher or mentor and was meeting her on some common ground that felt new to her. There was a constant watchfulness for her comfort. A sunshade was raised at just the right moment to relieve her eyes. An obtruding branch of a tree was seized upon and held back so that it could not touch even her hat. A rare combination of color and shadow was quietly pointed out to her as an interlude to the story he was telling for the general benefit. In these and other ways, each in itself insignificant, did Professor Langham keep before her mind the thought that she was the object of his special care, and Esther liked it. Throughout the day these attentions continued. They were unobtrusive as became a gentleman. He made her in no wise conspicuous, yet so managed it that she could not help seeing that his thought was for her. When the various duties of the luncheon committee were being assigned, it fell to Esther's lot to make the coffee and chocolate, certain of the girls affirming loudly that she could make them better than anybody else. Then we will cast in our lot together, said Professor Langham gaily, and establish our fires side by side as I am to broil the steak, chiefly because I know I can do it better than anybody else, though no one has been kind enough to say so. This arrangement proved eminently satisfactory to Esther. Professor Langham not only looked after her fire, but interested himself in the making of the coffee, and proved that he knew as much about that as he did about broiling steak. It was all managed in such fashion that what might have been an onerous task to Esther became one of her pleasures. There could never have been a more delightful repast than was served on King Mountain that day, nor a merrier company to partake of it. Esther, who had always been of a mercurial temperament, laid aside all care and anxiety, resolutely relegated the victors and the many annoyances which they represented to the background, and gave herself up to the delights of the hour. For the most part, the entire company was in sympathy with her mood. Perhaps they all were. It was what Faith Farnham called constitutional stupidity rather than a wish to be disagreeable that made Laura Welby a discordant note. It was when the merry dinner of many courses was nearing its conclusion that Blanche Halstead had a happy thought. Why don't we have some toasts? No dinner in these days is complete without them. Here is delicious lemonade at their service, or coffee for those whose brains need stimulating. We ought to have planned for it and had a toast master. Faith Farnham seized upon the idea.  Let us have toasts at once. Never mind a toast master. The gentlemen shall all be masters and create their own toasts as well as respond to them. Then Laura, who sat next to Esther at the improvised table, put in her note of discord. Wait, how do you know that we can indulge in toasts? Perhaps they are wrong. Here is Esther with her conscience, you know, and it ought not to be ruffled on this day of all days. How is it, Esther? Are they wicked? The eyes of all the company instinctively turned toward Esther, not one of them but knew of her as a girl with scruples, and she who was tried by her own sensitiveness on the subject could not help blushing painfully. She succeeded, however, in controlling her voice and speaking with a parent in difference. I should think that might depend on the society in which one moved. I can conceive of sentiments advanced as toasts that might properly be named wicked as apparently you can. Perhaps you have had experiences of that kind. The laugh was decidedly against Laura, but she took it as she did most things in utmost good nature. I own no indeed, she said. I think toasts are delightful. But that new England conscience of yours has such a peculiar way of pouncing on things that we have all considered innocent that I find I can never be sure of my ground anymore. Poor creature said Faith Farnham in mock sympathy. Who would have imagined that she was afflicted with a conscience? And again the merriment was over Laura. Then immediately someone proposed a toast, and Esther, feeling that attention was diverted from her, was able to give herself to the business of getting her indignation well in hand. She had not given Laura credit for obtuseness, but believed this to be a premeditated attack on what she knew was regarded as her peculiarities. It had been at Laura's home that she was most persistently urged to join in the dance and to try a game of cards. And Esther believed that this was Laura's mean little revenge for the noted discord thus introduced at her party. The toasts were merry and many of them were extremely clever. But Esther's turmoil of spirit was such that she could not appreciate them. It added to her indignation to observe that Laura had apparently forgotten her existence and was laughing and enjoying herself with the others. It was not until she heard from the farther end of the ground the voice of Professor Langham proposing and speaking to his toast that Esther gave full attention to the proceedings. The New England conscience, the force which, if it made our forefathers puritanical, made them great and lies at the bottom of the best things in our nation. May those who have the old blood in their veins, whether sons or daughters of New England or not, never be ashamed of the old-fashioned conscience because we sometimes laugh at it who owe it all we have. As soon as his voice had ceased, there was a general and very vigorous clapping of hands. But no sooner could she be heard than Laura Welby once more made Esther the center of observation. Dear me, what a tribute to Esther Randall, the only New England conscience in this company. I think she ought to be made to respond or at least to acknowledge the tribute in some way. I call for a speech from Miss Randall. But Professor Langham had risen again, and the people who would have gaily helped to carry out what they thought was a joke waited to listen. In the interests of morality I feel compelled to call upon Miss Welby to explain why she credits but one of our large and eminently respectable company with the conscience. You will observe that in the general charge she does not even exempt herself. Let us hear from her. Me, said Laura, only half-comprehending and with delicious disregard to grammar. Oh, mercy, I can't make a speech or a toast or whatever it is they want. I am not one of the speechmaking kind. They ought to make Esther Randall do it. I wonder if people are to blame for being idiots, muttered Faith Farnham with a savage look for Laura. Such utter lack of common sense is as bad as intentional malice. Faith had been almost childishly anxious that this day should be one of unalloyed pleasure to her friend and realized better than did any other what the sensitive girl was suffering at Laura's hands. End of Chapter 9. Recording by Tricia G. Chapter 10 of Esther Read's Namesake. This LibriBox recording is in the public domain. Esther Read's Namesake by Pansy. Chapter 10. Words. After it was all over, Esther felt ashamed to think how much she had made of the one discordant note in her holiday. But the incident had tried her as no one but herself could understand, for no one else knew how sore she had become over those scruples. In reply to her appeal for help, her father had written her a long full letter, but he had not helped her. Indeed it seemed to her that he had written about other matters altogether. Personal religion, a life hid with Christ in God, might be said to have been his text. It was not different in any way from what she had heard before, but for reasons that she did not fully comprehend it did not appeal to her as her father's ideas used to do. In truth it almost repelled her. She muttered to herself that she had not asked father for a sermon, but to give her some common sense arguments, if there were any, with regard to a very different matter. Almost her father had ignored her call. At least it seemed so to her. Yet near the close of his letter had come this. With regard to Scruples' daughter, and indeed with regard to all those arguments of which thoughtful Christians are inclined to speak with an interrogation point, I have not much to say at this time. If at some later date you would like to study the entire subject with a view of being helpful to younger persons, I shall be glad to give you in detail my opinions and my reasons for them. There are books also that might be read with profit. Bishop Vincent's Better Not, for instance, was helpful to me when I was a young man. Professor Wilkinson's Dance of Modern Society is one of the plainest essays we have on that subject, too plain some people think, but unanswerable as to its statement of facts and its logical deductions, as is also Dr. Herrick Johnson's plain talks about the theatre. You did not mention that form of the question, by the way, but in your battle with Scruples it is sure to come to the front sooner or later. These are all old books, but the dance and the drama and all the others have not in the meantime changed their character, and as principles never change, they will be helpful. If you were a young man, I should suggest Robert Spears' book A Young Man's Questions, and some of the questions young women would do well to study, if not on their own account for the sake of their brothers. Whenever you decide that you have time and inclination for a careful study of such subjects, I will be glad to send you these and a few other books or booklets together with my own opinions. But first, my beloved Esther Reed Randall, I cup it for you another kind of study, another view of life altogether from that included in the may I, must I, or even the shall I mode of living. Believe me, daughter, there is higher, happier ground than this, an atmosphere in which all these and numberless other questions settle themselves and drop into their legitimate places instead of forever thrusting themselves into a busy life to be thought out again. I hope you will at some time give them intelligent, exhaustive study for the sake of being able to give such reasons for your convictions as well to some extent satisfy or at least enlighten such acquaintances as live all the while in that lower plane. I use the words to some extent advisedly, for you must not hope to be fully satisfactory to any such. The atmosphere which they have necessity breathe on that lower plane does and must make a difference with their mental vision. But there is work for you, my daughter, which should come before this study for others.  And then had followed such a tender and yet close personal application of what she called the sermon that it started the tears and made her heart ache dully over what she felt must be her father's disappointment in her. It was always the thought of her father's disappointment that hurt, and yet she was half annoyed even while she pitted him. What did he mean by conscious fellowship? What did anybody mean by such talk? She did not understand it. What could it be but a sentimental instead of a practical way of talking about religion? Yet her father was the most practical man she knew. Esther had not been improving under the influence of those five chapters which she had compelled herself to read on that Sunday evening of stern resolve, nor had she been helped in any way by rigid adherents to the forms of a religious life to which she had ever since held herself. She could not remember that she had ever before done so much systematic Bible reading as during the six weeks which had intervened, and she nightly knelt longer in prayer than for many months had been her custom. At least she assumed the attitude of prayer, but she was learning what many another has had to learn by bitter experience that to kneel and repeat forms of prayer is not to pray. In vain did the poor disciple struggle with the thought that she was in the presence of God and try to hold her thoughts to communion with him. Her prayers seemed to her to be all words. After one of her disappointing experiences she wrote a letter to her father which it was a pity that she never sent. It described her effort to satisfy his ambition for her and her vain struggle to realize something of what it meant to commune with God. I have stumbled on a Bible verse, she said, that just describes me.  The other night after I had been vainly trying to get any help in this way I opened my Bible at random and this sentence stared at me. A fool's voice is known by multitude of words. I think if they paid any attention to me in heaven, which is not in the least probable, they must have said. There is that fool again on her knees pouring out words, words, words. But that letter she was ashamed to send. She felt that it would not only disappoint but seem positively irreverent to her father and mother. So she tore it into bits and they thus lost another opportunity for learning what her trouble really was. In this way she had struggled on, sometimes angry with all forms of religious life and on the verge of casting them aside and stepping out boldly beside Faith Barnum the Faithless. But more often bitterly angry with and ashamed of herself because she was not and could not be the kind of Christian that her parents would have her. Dinner on the mountain being finally over and the debris disposed of, the company broke into little groups arranged in accordance with their several tastes or fancies. Some of them wanted to lull about on the grass or make couches of the flat stones and rest, declaring that to sit and breathe the delicious air was all the diversion they needed. A few had brought their treasured books and sought quiet nooks where they could enjoy undisturbed a favorite holiday author. Those who could find no enjoyment in sitting still even to read on such a glorious day, strolled off in choice companies among the rocks and ravines bent on exploring. Among these latter was the trio with their arms twined about one another. I want to find a fern-root like that one Elsie had in her window seat for so long, explained Faith Barnum. She found it up here and it was the most delicate little creature. Don't you remember it, Blanche? It throwed nicely until Elise tipped it over and broke its neck or its heart. I wonder if they have hearts. There were rapid steps approaching from behind and Professor Langham's voice answered the remark as though it had been addressed to him. I am not sure as to that, Ms. Barnum, but I am acquainted with every fern that grows in this part of the world. If you are in search of a special one, you would do well to invite me to join you, for some of them grow in what might seem to be inaccessible places. This broad hint was laughingly and cordially responded to and the four walked along together, chatting gaily, until, as the road narrowed, Faith surreptitiously seized Blanche by the hand and they quietly dropped behind. Do let us give him a little chance, she murmured. I'm awfully sorry for the poor man. I know he has been just longing for a little talk with Esther this great while, and one of us is forever in the way. Now that it happens to be two of us, I believe I can manage it. Why, said the startled Blanche, do you really think he wants to see her especially? I never dreamed of such a thing.  If you were always seeing such things long before they happened, or ever meant to happen, as some of the girls are, I know I should hate you. But I really can't help seeing sometimes what is right before my eyes. I am as sure as I want to be that Professor Langham is only waiting for vacation or opportunities. Esther can't keep vacation from coming, but she is a success at blocking opportunities. I honestly cannot make up my mind whether she too is as blind as a bat, or whether she really wants to spoil his chances. She has certainly spoiled them a number of times to my knowledge. The two thus left to themselves kept getting unconsciously, at least on Esther's part, farther and farther from their companions, for they were walking at a brisk pace while the two girls dropped into the slowest of saunters and finally, unnoticed by the others, deliberately sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree to rest. There, said Faith, as she watched the brisk walkers until a bend in the road hid them from view, we have really done it at last. I wonder what will happen? Probably nothing, said the unimaginative Blanche. Doubtless Faith Farnham would have been disappointed could she have overheard the conversation between the two for whose pleasure she believed she had contrived. Esther, when she realized her opportunity, was not sorry for the one chance to speak a grateful word to the one man who had seemed to come to her aid that morning. It was true that she did not believe he knew he was speaking for her, but that did not alter her sense of gratitude. She had her lips parted to say, I feel as though a descendant of New England ought to thank you for the toast you gave us when he forestalled her. Are you aware that your friends have further designs on your time, Miss Randall? Have they, she said gaily, I didn't know it, and the feeling came to her that any designs in the making of which Professor Langham had a share must be delightful. They are not alarming, he said, with a pretense of assurance. We are making up a little party for a Monday afternoon trip to town. We find that we can take the two o'clock train without cutting anything that is important and have time for the little shopping which I believe all ladies are compelled to do whenever they reach the city before the hour for the matinee. A new timetable is to go into effect tomorrow which gives us a five-thirty train so we can reach home just in time for dinner. Your friends, Miss Farnham and Miss Halstead, have promised to be of the company, I believe, and Mr. and Mrs. Gifford are going, likewise the Bernard's. May I hope that you will accept my invitation to be of the company? Poor Esther, she wanted to go to the city. There really was a little shopping that had been waiting for such an opportunity. Esther's trips to town, though it was barely twenty miles distant, were very rare and to go in such company would be a holiday in itself. But those scruples. Her face burned at thought of them. She felt indignant, but at what or whom? Only a few days before, while waiting in a bookstore for Blanche, she had picked up a little volume and been immediately interested in it because it was one of the books her father had mentioned, a young man's questions. She had glanced curiously through it to see what a young man's questions were supposed to be and whether any of them were like a young woman's. She had lingered over a sentence that caught her eye. So long as the stage is as unclean as it is and acting involves as it constantly does, the stimulation of the basest passions and emotions, and this, even in good place, it is almost impossible to support it at all without in a real sense lending support to it all. She had copied the sentence as containing a good reply to something that Faith Farnamid said, and when she quoted it, had added, There, you see what an up-to-date young man thinks of your pet amusement. You cannot call Robert Spear an old phogy or a fossil, as you know you are fond of doing when people don't agree with you. He is in every respect modern and cultured as well as being thoroughly well informed. Then Faith had vexed her by calling him a religionist of the Puritanic sort. The quotation from the book came sharply back to Esther while her companion waited for his answer. It came and stood between her and the delightful afternoon that had been planned for her pleasure. She felt that she hated Mr. Spear. This, of course, was illogical, but must a girl's ill temper always run in logical lines? The professor was waiting. Her answer came by installments confusedly. Oh, thank you. It was ever so kind to include me. I am very sorry that I have that I cannot go. It would be a delightful trip, I am sure. I am going to take a teacher's privilege, Miss Randall, and give advice. If you are refusing on the score of lack of time, I feel quite sure that your mind will work all the better for a little rest and recreation. I have been observing you as a student from the teacher's standpoint with no little anxiety of late. You know it is part of a teacher's duties to have due regard to the health of his pupils. It has seemed to me that you have been overtaxing yourself somewhat, and I sincerely believe that even the little trip which we have arranged will be a means of grace to you if you will let it. There was to be no escape for Esther. Those hated scruples must be owned to once more. It is not a question of time, she said nervously. It is simply that that I may as well tell you plainly that I do not attend the theatre. Oh, is that all? As a rule, I think I may be said not to do so myself. People who have work worth doing have not much time of course for such recreations, but isn't it drawing the line rather closely, being in fact what might be called puritanical, not to go at all? There was an amused smile on his face and a note of amused toleration in his voice. Still, Esther might have answered him quietly, but for that word puritanical, over that she flamed. Then you did not mean what you said this morning about the puritan conscience and the debt we owed it? I am sorry, for I was really foolish enough to think that you did. I meant every word I said, but if you will pardon the correction, I said nothing about the puritan conscience. It was the New England conscience of which I was speaking. That is a distinction without a difference, said Esther hotly. End of Chapter 10, Recording by Tricia G. Chapter 11 of Esther Read's Namesake. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Esther Read's Namesake by Pansy. Chapter 11, On the Trail. Oh, I beg your pardon. I think there is a decided difference. I remember I qualified my first sentence with an admission that our forefathers were inclined to be puritanical, but were to be admired in spite of that. However, one can respect the puritans themselves and honor the heritage they left us without admiring their foibles or copying their mistakes. I thought you said that their ideas lay at the bottom of all our greatness. I believe I said something of that kind and meant every syllable. Still, I must insist that that does not prevent my smiling at their follies. But are we not getting very wide of the mark? I thought we were discussing the theater, or rather I was waiting for an affirmative reply to my invitation to attend one. How did we reach the puritans? Was it over that unfortunate word puritanical? Let me withdraw it. You need not on my account, Esther said coldly. I am a descendant of the puritans in direct line, and it is one of the few things I have to be proud of. I have the honor of sharing in the same pride, he said quickly, but I admit my anxiety to give back to the question. You will join us on Monday, will you not? Of course you know what the play is. In discriminant theater going, no one will deplore more than I, but such an opportunity as we have just now is educational as well as delightful. Do you not think that one's judgment should be made use of in these as in other matters? I am not sure what I think, said Esther, and she could not help speaking irritably. But I know what at least some others think is not Mr. Palmer himself on record as saying that the chief themes of the theater are the acting out of evil passions just as they have always been. Who is Mr. Palmer may I ask? I do not think I have the honor of his acquaintance. Was there a gleam of amusement in his eyes as well as a note of indulgent tolerance in his voice? Esther felt her face flushing over it. Isn't he recognized as one of the leading theater managers? She asked. I don't know really. If so it seems rather mean in him to go back on his business in that way doesn't it? His careless manner deepened Esther's indignation. She spoke with increased coldness. It is true I suppose that the opinions of such persons are of little weight on either side of a question. One does not need to go to them for advice. Possibly you may have heard of Dr. Trumbull. Do you think what he said about play acting is true? I think I know of Dr. Trumbull. He was a leading Sunday school worker. Was he not? But I do not recall any deliverances of his concerning theaters. What did he say? Several things. A quotation from his book led me to think about the sort of life the average woman must live who earns her bread on the stage. He said it was possible to portray evil in literature or in painting without putting one's self into it. But the successful actor must think and feel as well as act as though he was the person he personified. When one remembers the class of persons they most frequently personify I should think that would become an important and serious matter. One that people with any sort of consciences knew England or otherwise would have to consider. It was clear that Mr. Langham did not want to argue, did not mean to argue. He smiled genially as he said, But I am not urging you to become a play actor Ms. Randall. If you should ever be seriously considering that question and should honor me by asking my advice I might have several things to say. Today however I protest against anything so serious as an argument. We are out for a holiday and we who are unused to play must bend all our energies toward really playing. Otherwise half the value of our days outing will be lost. If I mistake not you are one who especially needs to study the art of playing. You will surely let me give you a lesson in it on Monday afternoon will you not? I assure you that the entertainment is exceptionally fine. Esther was thoroughly annoyed.  Her companion not only would not argue but he would not say any word that was honestly calculated to remove her scruples and no one could desire more earnestly to have them removed than she did. But her ideas were simply being pushed aside as not worth considering. Thank you she said and her manner was even more hotty than she realized. Your arguments exhaustive as they are have not convinced me and I must therefore decline your invitation with thanks. A puritanical conscience is a troublesome thing sometimes I will admit but I am not to blame for having one. The fault such as it is must rest with my ancestors. Shall we turn back Mr. Langham we have evidently outwacht the girls. She turned as she spoke and made such good speed that Mr. Langham who wanted to saunter had to exert himself to keep pace with her. He was disturbed and puzzled by her manner. It seemed evident that she was offended yet what had he said to offend her. Whatever her views of the average theater might be it was not possible that she was really disturbed at the thought of witnessing the charming play to which he had invited her. If this were really the case what extreme narrowness of education and former environment it hinted at. There flitted through his mind the half formed question whether he could hope ever to have sufficient influence to counteract the evils resulting from generations of such narrowness. But he put that thought away quickly. For Professor Langham indolent as he was that day and meant to be was yet very much in earnest about some things and Esther Randall even in her ill humor and manifest as pleasure with himself was yet far more interesting to him than was any other woman in the world. All too soon for his plans and hopes they came upon their companions still hunting ferns and the professor gave himself to their finding with the zeal of a man bent on an outdoor life. He had not been able during their rapid walk to return to a comfortable level again with Esther. His efforts at conversation had been replied to with studied politeness and with a dignity that would have disheartened a less resolute man. But as he hunted laboriously for the species of fern desired he told himself that he had been a fool to jam up against the inherited prejudices of generations. What did he care for the matinee? It was only for her sake that he had made it an excuse for the trip.  As for Esther her holiday was spoiled.  And she was furious against Mr. Spear and Dr. Trumbull and all the rest.  She told herself positively that now she would not go to a matinee nor to anything else with professor Langham, ever, not if he got down on his knees to petition her. And all the while there was a dull pain at her heart and a dreary feeling that she had offended him hopelessly, that he would never get down on his knees to her for any purpose nor give her a chance again to say no to any petition of his. For the remainder of the day she made Faith Farnham her victim. No sooner was the troublesome fern found and at the same time other members of their party than she drew Faith aside and spoke hurriedly. Let us get away just you and me. Can't we go for a long tramp? I don't want even blanche. Faith interested in sympathetic, feeling from Esther's manner as though something must have happened at last and believing that it was the something of her hopes managed it as she could most things and they slipped away. But the confidence that she had looked for was not forthcoming. Instead Esther, who found it almost impossible to be reasonable, began to enter complaint. Faith Farnham, why couldn't you have told me about that precious Monday scheme? I think you might at least have mentioned that you were invited. Monday scheme, said Faith, what is it? Oh, do you mean the matinee? Why I forgot it. We go so often, you know. Did he ask you to go? How delicious! I supposed he would feel that he must take that tiresome Miss Holbrook who is visiting at his sisters. Oh, Esther, I am so glad you are going. Who said I was going? Of course I am not. I should think that you at least might have known that I wasn't. You know very well that I don't go to theaters. But this isn't a regular theater, Esther. It is just an afternoon affair and perfectly unobjectionable. I do hope you didn't refuse. Why, everybody goes to matinees, especially to one of this kind, even ministers. But Esther was in no mood for such argument. Everybody, she quoted an infinite scorn, it seems strange to me that you harp on such a weak statement as that. What earthly difference can it make who goes or doesn't go if one has a mind capable of deciding for one's self. I know what I think and, for that matter, what my father thinks and I don't need Professor Langham nor even everybody to sustain me. I don't want to talk about it any more, Faith. Don't let us spoil the entire day if it is possible to avoid it. Faith resisted the temptation to say that it was Esther's obstinacy which was spoiling the day. She made one brief sharp utterance or rather began it. Oh, if you are superior to everybody, of course. Then she was instantly sorry that she had said this and began to frame excuses for her friend. Esther was really not to blame. That little reference to her father told volumes. He must be a very narrow bigoted, but here Faith arrested even her thoughts. She had been very intimate with Esther and certain breezy happy letters from that father had been read to her. Letters filled not only with wise suggestions but with fatherly tendernesses such as even during their reading had caused a stricture at the listener's heart and a longing wish that she but her father was good to her. True he rarely wrote to her. He was too heavily burdened with business cares for her to expect that. But he sent her splendid checks with his love and if some of the people who worked for him called him hard and unjust and a few of them hated him it was no more than businessmen had to expect at the hands of the lower classes. Faith also meant to be loyal to her father. After that unfinished fling she linked her arm in Esther's and spoke cheerily. All right let us forget controversies of every sort and just have a good time. Which way shall we go? I should like to explore the canyon farther down, shouldn't you? Isn't this air glorious? I feel as though my lungs reached away down to my mountain boots. Esther my child, you ought to have worn heavier shoes than those. I'm afraid they will be in tatters by night. They walked rapidly, Esther setting the pace and striding on as though she had an appointment for which she was late. She wanted to walk off her excitement and disappointment. Faith, being genuinely anxious to help her, tried various topics of conversation and finally led the way cautiously toward one of their endless philosophical discussions that by no possibility could have a personal element. Such discussions were often begun in class and carried on by students who were argumentatively inclined. Esther, being one of those, fell promptly into the trap and put her other troubles into the background while she let her indignation burn because faith could not or would not see a certain point as she saw it. Meantime the day was waning. The excursionists had not planned an early return as the evenings were charming. But they were to go before dark down to the halfway house for supper. This was a picturesque log cabin set in among dense trees, and the mountaineers who lived there were in the habit of serving light refreshments to tourists. The place had become locally famous and no days outing on King Mountain was complete without a fish supper at the halfway house. The remainder and less difficult portion of the way was to be enjoyed by the light of the glorious moon, which was full that evening. It was Esther who said at last, I suppose we ought to turn back. It must be nearly time to start down the mountain. And it was Faith who, after they had walked a short distance on the return trip, said, Did you notice that queer tree when we came? I am certain we did not pass it or I should have seen it. I am afraid we made a wrong turn somewhere and are off the trail. Nonsense, said Esther. We haven't made any turns. It is not probable that you noticed every tree we passed. How could we be off the trail? But Faith, who was familiar with mountain trails and knew that one sometimes slipped into another in a bewildering way and then led the unwary into far different directions from those desired, made no reply and looked about her with growing anxiety. She knew that she had observing eyes and there were strange sights appearing before them. I don't think we're on the right trail, she said, stopping short. There is a colony of the very ferns we had been searching for all day. A great deal finer specimens than those Professor Langham found. He said there were much larger and finer ones on another part of the mountain, don't you know? We surely would not have passed these by unnoticed. Well, said Esther, moving on slowly, what of it? We are in the same general direction at least and the path is good. I presume it runs into the other trail, even if we are off. But Faith knew mountain trails better than that. Two fairly good roads would not be in the least likely to run parallel with each other for many rods. She moved forward also because in doubt what else to do, but her anxiety increased with every step. They came presently to another trail and stopped. There, said Faith, now I know we are wrong. We certainly did not pass a distinctly defined path like this. No, Esther admitted that they did not, but it might be the path that would lead them to the main trail. Neither knew anything better to do than to make trial of it and they walked rapidly until it grew less distinct and made several bewildering curves. They were silent now, each becoming increasingly sure that they were traveling over ground that they had never tried before. After a little, they turned back, becoming convinced by the increasing obscurity of the trail that it was not a direct path to any well-known point. But in turning back they found themselves bewildered and stopped several times to argue as to which of the slight openings that looked like trails they had made use of and they did not reach the clear trail as they felt certain that it was time for them to do. At last Faith made a full stop and looked her companion steadily in the face. Esther, she said solemnly, you and I are lost. End of Chapter 11 Recording by Tricia G Chapter 12 of Esther Reed's Namesake This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Esther Reed's Namesake by Pansy Chapter 12 Across Trail Esther giggled. She was just nervous enough for such expression. If that is so, she said, the best thing we can do is to find ourselves. But I don't know which way to turn. I have lost the sense of direction. The trouble in Faith's voice sounded strange to Esther. She had never before known Faith to be troubled. They were reasonably brave for girls who had lived sheltered lives and been steadily taken care of. They walked because that seemed to be the only thing they could do. But they grew every moment more bewildered and the path they had chosen grew every moment less like a frequently traveled one. As the shadows of Twilight began to gather thickly, Esther suggested bravely that they give up trying to reach their party on the picnic ground and make it once for the halfway house. She spoke as though that were an easy matter and Faith turned as at her bidding and began a steady tramp in an opposite direction quite as though she was sure of herself. Although being used to mountain trails and their intricacies, she had no more expectation of reaching the halfway house than of reaching their party. By this time they are out searching for us, she said suddenly, with the first hopeful note in her voice that she had been able to make. Oh, do you think so? Esther's voice expressed unqualified mortification. She was not yet sufficiently frightened not to feel that she would rather spend the night in the woods searching for the right trail than be rescued by any party of which Professor Langham would make one. The idea of their climaxing this ridiculous day by getting lost like two irresponsible children but the darkness came rapidly. To add to their bewilderment the sky suddenly wrapped itself in clouds and the moon on which they had so confidently calculated what with the clouds and the dense leafage of the forest trees could do very little for them. It is going to rain, Esther exclaimed, as they reached a stretch of hill where no trees were and she caught a view of the darkening sky. I thought it never rained in May in this part of the world. It needs only the roll of thunder and some flashes of lightning to give us a typical New England storm such as my mother is always recalling. Thank heaven we shall get no thunder and lightning, Faith said. We have an occasional rain even as late as this but without any such awful accompaniments. At least I think they must be awful. I have never seen a thunderstorm or heard one. Which should I say? This girl who professed no decided belief in even the existence of a place named heaven was given on occasion to using the word in an exclamatory way. Esther noticed it and looked at her friend with a sudden new sense of compassion. Her own religion might not be very satisfactory for everyday use but troublesome as it was there was something irrepressibly dreary in the thought of being lost in a mountain forest without it. Suddenly Faith sat down on a bit of jagged rock. We may as well sit as walk for all I can see, she said. We don't get anywhere. I have even a feeling that we are getting more lost every minute. Oh do come on, said Esther. We can't sit still. How can you be so careless? You are very warm from fast walking and now you sit on a stone in this chilly air. Warm, said Faith. That is where you are mistaken. My teeth are chattering with cold this minute. I have a feeling that I shall never be warm again. Esther bent over and encircled the girl with strong arms, drying her almost by force to her feet. Come right along, she said bravely, almost cheerfully. You mustn't have so many creepy feelings. How extraordinary in you of all persons to yield to them. We are sure to get somewhere if we keep at it. Besides, as you reminded me but a moment ago, they are hunting for us. Let us shout with all the lung power we have. Some of them may be within hearing by this time. Faith considered this a happy thought and they acted on it at once, making the quiet air ring with their shouts. Let us call Carl, Esther had said. That is an easy word to shout. Carl was the good natured driver of the four horse team. His name was yelled until their throats were lame. Then Esther tried Blanche to rest some of her muscle, she said. I wish, said Faith, that we could make Professor Langham's name into a short enough sound to shout. It is he who will be on the alert to see and hear everything. But Mr. Langham seems an impossible shout, doesn't it? And his given name is no better. That's Wellington. It wouldn't do to just yell Langham, would it? Goodness, wouldn't that be awful? Esther laughed nervously and Faith caught at the sound and echoed it in hysterical fashion until both girls were screaming with uncontrollable laughter. Esther was the first to call a halt. Now Faith Farnham stop, she said firmly. I can't screamed Faith. Oh, oh, I can't stop. Yes, you can. Stop this minute. We are two sensible girls to let our emotions get beyond control in this fashion.  Think for a moment what a contempt Professor Langham would have for us if he could hear us.  Let us hunt some brush and build a fire, commanded Esther. That will warm us at least, and a rescuing party can see a fire better than they can hear shouts. That is so, said Faith, rising at once and beginning the search for material. But after a moment she stopped and asked a pertinent question. How can we light a fire? We have no matches. Oh, dear, said Esther, so we haven't. It seemed to impress her with new terror, this thought that even so commonplace and trifling a thing as a match was utterly beyond them. Her tone of distressed conviction nearly set Faith off into another hysterical outburst. Did you think we were smokers? She giggled. If we had only learned to smoke cigarettes that night when those horrid haul girls wanted us to, then we should have matches with us, or if we had brought Mr. Langham along. He smokes. I've caught him at it. Oh, Esther, Esther, if we only had, then we shouldn't be lost. I can't think of that word in connection with him, can you? Do hush, said Esther firmly, and come on. I am going to walk very fast. We can warm ourselves in that way. I think we must be not far from the halfway house. Haven't you noticed that we have been steadily going downhill for a long time? In this way, as they alternately tramped along with feverish haste, or stopped to shout and listen, the time passed. The threatened rain did not come, and from time to time the clouds lifted enough to get some straggling moonbeams through. During one of these rifts, Faith tried to discover the hour from her watch and made out that it was half-past something she could not be sure or what. By degrees, the conviction forced itself upon them that they would probably have to spend the night on the mountain. And memories of gruesome stories they had heard of wild creatures who prowled about at midnight in search of prey came to them both as they afterward confessed. But on that memorable night each was bravely silent about them. Nor did they hint to each other that even with daylight the rescuing parties might not be at once successful if they had indeed wandered far away from the regular trails. There was a dreadful story of a girl who was lost for days and found only when it was too late. They recalled even the minutest details of this also each in silence. Only Faith in a single hopeful remark let the trend of her thoughts be known. They will have the whole college force out by morning if they do not find us tonight, and it would be difficult to get anywhere that two or three hundred boys could not find us. Don't let us think about ourselves anymore, said Esther Sturdily. We might as well get ready for Monday's class. What was that question we were discussing this morning? I remember you had some wild ideas about it. They fell into it with vigor. But suddenly in the midst of a really brilliant effort to prove herself in the right Faith stopped with a heavy sigh and began in a different tone. Oh, dear! How flat it all sounds! If you and I were only safe in our little beds, I shouldn't care which side was right or whether both were equally wrong, should you? I am awfully tired. It seems as though I could lie right down here and go to sleep. Then her tone changed again to one of eager joy. Esther! Esther Randall! Look! Look there! No, no, not that way! There! Up there! Do you see a light? Of course it is a light. I see it plainly. It is some of our party searching for us. It must be, I tell you. Let us make for that light no matter what the road is. Suiting her action to her speech, she seized Esther's arm and the two plunged headlong through the tangled underbrush, stumbling, all but falling and recovering themselves with difficulty. Still they pushed on toward the light. Long before they reached it they had decided that, being stationary, it could not belong to a rescue party, unless indeed, as Faith suggested, one had been detailed to wait and watch while the others moved. At last the dim outlines of a hut or cabin were discernible. It looks like a place for keeping cows was Faith's disappointed exclamation, but Esther replied almost cheerfully.  After what seemed to them hours of effort, they stood in front of the cabin, which was evidently inhabited by creatures who wore hats, for an old one was doing duty in the single window where once a light of glass had been. The two wanderers gazed at the door and then at each other.  What may we not find inside? said Esther. At that moment came the wild, yet almost human cry of one of the mountain creatures sweeping down to them from the hill they had just descended. Faith shuttered and took a step forward. What may we not find outside before morning? she said. It is a choice between two horrors. Let us venture. Whereupon she knocked boldly. The door was opened promptly and the figure of a stalwart man in shirt sleeves and with a shock of gray hair falling over into his eyes freamed itself in the doorway and stared. Faith was still the leader. Could you let us or could you tell us how to find the trail to the halfway house? We have we think we are a little out of the way and want the shortest trail. The big frame shook with soundless laughter. A little out of the way he quoted at last, I reckon you be and I don't reckon that you calculate to walk that way tonight. Why it's a matter of seven mile from here and on the kind of trail that women folks don't like any too well by daylight. Why, faith exclaimed, surprised out of her terror, that can't be so. The halfway house is only about five miles from the picnic clearing. I reckon that so too, but you're out of your way sure enough if you're looking for either of them places on this side. You are to other side of the mountain on a cross trail and for the matter of that you ain't had no trail to speak of and coming over here. I reckon you'll have to wait till morning before you can get anywhere. Come in. As good luck would have it we can keep you real slick. Our women folks has both gone over the other side where they've got sickness and you can have my girl's bed. His tone was kindly inhospitable and he stood back and waved them in with the air of one who was conferring a great kindness. The two still firmly grasping each other's hands entered the long low room whose only light was a lantern suspended near the one window. Several bunks were ranged along one side of the wall the clothes on them hinting at sleeping places. The other furniture consisted of a kitchen table three chairs a couple of empty nail kegs which did duty as extra seats a clothes basket that was evidently serving as clothes closet and a villainous oil stove which was at that moment choking the air with its breath. These things the girls felt rather than saw for their eyes were busy with another sight that of three young men who stood in a row against the wall as if on exhibition that they were sons of the old man was evident from the striking likeness they bore to him. They looked to the frightened girls exceptionally tall and they repeated and even exaggerated their father's stalwart frame. I reckon you want to get right to bed said the old man cheerfully it's right smart late me and the boys had some hard luck tonight and was powerful late getting home. Ain't it good luck though that Malindi ain't to home? It will make it comfortable for them though of course they could have bunked in right along of her if she was here. This remark was evidently addressed to the boys who had no answer ready and the old man turned again to his guests. Maybe though you need a little something to eat first how's that Jed could you get him a bite think? At this the tallest of the young giants looked down at the floor and grew red through his sunburned skin as he began to mutter something which was lost on the girls in their eagerness to disclaim the need for a mouth full of food. Convinced of this the father lighted a bit of candle a close necked bottle serving as candlestick and ushered them with evident pride into a tiny room a sort of lean to which had evidently been an afterthought long after the cabin was built. I reckon there ain't many gals has a whole room to their selves he volunteered but the boys in me we allowed that Malindi was worth it and she should have it. We made her bed wide so that her ma could bunk in with her sometimes if she liked but she ain't never liked. I reckon she likes me in the boys too well to leave us. This information closed with a hardy laugh as the old man retreated shutting the door after him. Even in her dismay Esther took her thoughts from themselves long enough to bestow infinite pity on that other girl who had to call this home. What seemed to her utter desolation reigned the few pitiful attempts at ornament like the broken nosed pitcher on the pine board table and the two or three coarse woodcuts tacked to the logs served to deepen the sense of poverty and dreariness to think that any girl must suppose these to be decorations The bed a widening out of the bunk style in the other room was made pitifully gay with a patchwork quilt in many colors and of impossible design and although the bed clothing was really decently clean the hole seemed somehow to accentuate the horrors of the scene. But Faith was not thinking of the bed nor its furnishings she braced herself against the little door as if determined to shut out enemies and turned eyes wide with horror upon Esther as she whispered Did you ever see or dream of such villainous faces? They are thieves or something worse Oh Esther I am frightened to death End of Chapter 12 Recording by Tricia G Chapter 13 of Esther Read's Namesake This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Esther Read's Namesake by Pansy Chapter 13 Melindy's Bed Nonsense said Esther whose courage always rose when other peoples failed Don't be foolish Faith You imagine that I don't think they have very bad faces They are uncouth and coarse but they mean kindness I think I am sure they have done the best for us that they could Think of Melindy's bed and take courage She tried to laugh but Faith would not be reassured She looked at the bed and shuddered Isn't it awful? She whispered Esther I would a great deal rather be out in the woods with those horrible yelling wolves or whatever they were then shut in here with these human beasts Oh well said Esther Cooley That is because you haven't tried the wolves If you had you would probably change your mind provided they gave you a chance Let us be sensible if we can and make the best of it You said you were tired enough to drop Just drop down there and see how comfortable you can be even on a quilt like that Never said Faith in an energetic whisper Do you suppose I am going to lie quietly down and let them have it all their own way I tell you those men mean to steal our jewelry and our clothes and kill us I saw it in their faces and I saw that tallest one look at my chain and ring Oh just think how easily they could dispose of us and no one ever find them out That light was a decoy to get us off the trail Didn't you notice how that old wretch leered when he said we had come over no trail to speak of to get here They have good reasons for not living on a trail and we have just stumbled into their trap like two innocent babes But I won't give them an easy time I promise you that Catch me closing my eyes tonight I'll fight like a tiger Esther we mustn't even sit down we must keep awake at whatever cost Oh isn't there anything we can do The last words were a frightened wail Nonsense said Esther again but she said it more faintly In spite of herself Faith's fears were beginning to take some hold upon her How could she be sure that they were groundless The three young giants might be three villains even though their father had meant kindness and they certainly had every opportunity for villainy It was a desolate spot miles away from direct trails and these mountains were noted for disastrous accidents Then the diamond on Faith's ring was large and fine to say nothing of her watch and chain It might be wiser to stay on guard Still, if they were bad men what could two weak defenseless girls do to hinder their designs She looked at the little hole which was supposed to do duty as a window It was covered now by a bit of board Would it be possible for them to squeeze through it silently and slip away? What are you going to do? She suddenly asked For Faith had set the broken-nosed pitcher on the floor and was preparing noiselessly to move the rickety little table Hush, she whispered and pointed to a large-sized knot hole just over the door I'm going to climb up and look through that hole Don't you hear that old villain talking a steady stream? He is planning some evil for those precious sons of his to carry out I know it as well as though I heard him If I can contrive to hear what he says we shall know better how to plan to defend ourselves If it is our jewelry they want by planning so that they can get it all easily we might possibly save our lives Anyway, I'm going to know what they propose Won't you hold this horrid table? It's so shaky that I'm almost afraid to mount it Esther gave all her strength to holding the table while she whispered her protest It won't hold your weight and if you file it will make a dreadful noise If any of your suspicions are correct the very best thing we can do is to keep still for a while It is just possible that we might be able to squeeze out of that little hole meant for a window if we don't rouse their suspicions Still, I don't believe we could it is very small But Faith's eyes were by this time at the knot hole held there apparently She appeared like one fascinated She waved a hand at Esther which seemed to call for silence and stood perfectly still Suddenly the table began to shake and it was apparent that the girl mounted on it was shaking also was suppressed laughter There floated through Esther's excited brain an irritable thought that Faith Farnham would find something to laugh at if she were dying and then Faith turned Give me your hand she whispered and springing to the floor began in a stage whisper Esther Randall Don't you believe they are praying Praying? Echoed Esther's astonished voice Yes, every one of them kneeling You never saw anything so funny in your life as their eight long legs sprawling about that cabin floor Do climb up and look It is a scene for an artist I wish Blanche were here She could sketch it The old man is doing the praying but the young athletes mutter Amen at every other word Oh, they are all in it with all their hearts and Esther Don't you think he is praying for us Them strange gals he called us and he prayed that we might get a good sleep and that our folks wouldn't be too much scared about us Then he thanked the Lord for sending us to his cabin and giving him a chance to shelter some of his critters We are his critters Esther Don't you know it? with a capital H to the pronoun That was in his voice It was the strangest voice you ever heard simple as a child and yet reverent I'd give anything if you could hear it Her eyes were brimming with tears and one or two had escaped but she brushed them away and laughed It is too ridiculous those great fellows grunted Amen to that sentence about us as though they had a very special interest in the critters Esther I'm going to lie down on that bed this minute and I shall put a piece of that quilt over me I was never so tired in my life It's queer in fact it is ridiculous but I don't feel in the least afraid now I believe I shall go to sleep Let us both lie down and rest We are safe enough Esther believed it She encouraged faith to try Melindy's bed at once but instead of joining her she softly slipped the piece of board away from the hole in the wall and knelt before it It was much too small to crawl out of but all desire to attempt that had passed What she wanted was to pray to thank God first of all for four praying men in the wilderness She knelt long and when at last she prepared to lie down beside faith was very quiet in her movements so as not to disturb the supposed sleeper but faith turned at once put both arms about her and kissed her Thank you, dear she said I find that it is good when one is lost in the woods to be surrounded by praying people It has taken away all my fears I shall go to sleep and sleep soundly until morning Esther returned her caress but could not help saying softly What a consistent little girl it is Her fears have all been swept away by something that she believes is a mere form a relic of the superstitions of childhood I thought of that whispered faith and wondered it myself I don't think I am a hypocrite I honestly did not know that I believed it all in prayer I thought that people like you will not mind, dear, if I illustrate by you, will you? I fancied that you that people of intelligence I mean and cultivation who kept up the forms of prayer did so simply as a form a habit which had come up from babyhood with them and that did no harm and no more good than the indulgence of any peasant sentiment might to be strictly honest I never could see what I thought was an effect from it in the lives of its adherents I mean but that old man out there is different he means it he was talking to somebody who he believes heard him they all believe it and I believe that the old man at least is living as well as he knows how in exactly the way he thinks that somebody wants him to live there was all that in his voice and in his words they were the strangest words so assured you know as though he saw the one to whom he was speaking you couldn't shake his belief in it I am sure Esther you may laugh at me if you want to I know it is dreadfully inconsistent with my belief or rather my unbelief but that old man and his three giants sprawling over the floor in the attitude of prayer took away all my fears I know I can go to sleep which she presently did but Esther lay awake and thought faith had given her added food for thought she could not help having a kind of contempt for herself what a miserable travesty of religion was hers not enough of it to make the slightest impression upon the mind or heart of this girl who loved her a religion that she herself played with frowned at on occasion and at other times ignored yet no sooner was she in trouble and possible peril then cowered that she was she fled at once to the friend who at other times was slighted and leaned upon him for Esther had been conscious that from the moment when the possibility of their being lost in the woods first dawned upon her down to the present almost every thought of hers had been a prayer for protection and guidance could a meaner spirit be shown than this she asked herself indignantly even the undertone of assurance that despite her faithfulness he had not failed her when the stress came did not comfort her but served instead to increase her sense of shame Faith slept quietly beside her and in the other room very vigorous sleeping was going forward the four stalwart men had each his own special snore and each of them in their several ways seemed to travel over the entire gamut of sound it awakened Faith at last who sat up with the startled what's that? and listened then laughed four distinct snores she giggled listen Esther it is a quartet only each of them only each has his own key but isn't it good? in its way it is as reassuring as the praying people who snore are certainly not plotting evil deeds but how can we sleep in such a din? you poor child I don't believe you have slept a wink well we can visit can't we? how do you suppose the other members of the picnic party feel by this time? poor creatures I am sorry for them if they only knew how safe and comfortable we are in Melindy's bed in less than five minutes from that time she was again asleep but Esther could not sleep her nerves which had been tense for weeks gained complete ascendancy and kept her going over all the important and unimportant details of her life and never it is safe to say was a girl more dissatisfied with her life so far as her own doings were concerned than was this one it was just as the premonitory symptoms of a new Don were appearing in the sky that a tremendous knocking or rather pounding was heard at the outside door Faith was wide awake in a moment and on the alert there they are she said it is our rescue party I dreamed that they were coming isn't it delicious to be found sleeping comfortably we must go out to them at once that is Mr. Langham's voice I knew he would be first Esther too recognized the voice that was asking eagerly have you seen or heard anything of two young women who had lost their way can you let us have a lantern I reckon I can it was the old man's voice though by the look of the sky you won't need no lantern for many minutes there's a big one will be hung up out there before you know it them two gals is safe here if them is all you're looking for here do you mean in this house there was no mistaking the eagerness of the tone in this identical cabin asleep in my Melindy's bed this minute I reckon they are they're keeping powerful still and they was pretty well tuckered out when they got here last night after dark I shouldn't wonder if they had a comfortable or night than you if you are friends of theirs but of course I don't know whether you be or not and if you ain't and their dodge was to get away from you me and my three boys calculate to stand by them that's what we mean stranger and my three boys is every one of them as big as I be and Jed is even bigger every word could be distinctly heard by the girls in Melindy's room and faith was by this time convulsed with laughter did you want to get away from him yesterday Esther she whispered was that your dodge when you beguiled me on this tramp and wouldn't let even Blanche come with us listen to that old saint we must go out there this minute or he will have Mr. Langham tumbled into the ravine as one of our enemies all the while she was hurriedly pulling and patting herself into shape and making as good a toilet as a girl without combs or brushes or even pins to secure the torn places of her gown could be expected to do it was she who first pushed open the narrow little door and hurried forward but Esther was just behind her less observant eyes than theirs would have noted that for once in his life Mr. Langham forgot himself he looked past faith and spring past her to catch Esther's hand in both of his and say distinctly and in a voice full of feeling thank god you are safe i reckon that's all right then said the old man complacently i thought likely it was by his looks but you can't never be sure till you see him together end of chapter 13 recording by Trisha G chapter 14 of Esther reads namesake this LibriVox recording is in the public domain Esther reads namesake by Pansy chapter 14 Malindi they could not forget the night spent on the mountain nor could they forget Malindi's bed and Malindi faith especially seemed to be singularly attracted to the unknown girl whose poor room had sheltered them on the only night of her life when she had been conscious of need of shelter we ought to know Malindi she said repeatedly to Esther can't we do something for her it is dreadful for a girl is she young i wonder to live all her days in a room like that blessed haven of rest though it was for us couldn't we fix it up a little don't you think i wonder if she likes pictures i wonder if she ever had any to like said Esther who by reason of her own straightened life was able to imagine details of poverty that astonished Faith she looked her dismay at a condition of things that obliged one to live without pictures and said quickly then she shall have some at once and some other things too what could they be Esther in that room she likes ribbons of course bright ones all girls do i wish we had some idea how old she is i wonder what colors become her oh we must go and see her wouldn't you like to i am just dying to see that place by daylight and without any of the scare of our night's experience upon us i should like to see the giants again too bless them they were going to stand by us Esther and they would have done it every one of them wasn't it funny she laughed gaily but in the next instant sobered and spoke thoughtfully his critters i can't forget that do you suppose there really is something in it oh yes you do of course i am always forgetting but you can't think of me in such a connection can you there are times when i could wish that it might all be true such words made Esther miserable it was becoming increasingly evident to her that her faith was not of a character to touch her friend's heart or conscience and yet she could be easily impressed else why should what she had heard of that ignorant old man's prayer have so impressed her the desire to see Malindi and to learn what colored ribbons would best become her grew upon faith and she planned ways and means of accomplishing it without reaching any definite conclusions until one day she was overheard by Professor Langham who instantly took it up that's a capital thought of yours Ms. Farnham we should call upon those choice spirits again by all means curiosity and interest aside common courtesy demands it i think i shall not soon forget the dignity with which that old man waved me away when i tried as a representative of the university to renumerate him for sheltering two of our pupils oh did he said faith gleefully how lovely but we can do something for the girl surely i can't plan though until i see her i want to drive up there next saturday i have been trying all the week to get Esther to believe that the earth will still revolve on its axis and every victor of the crowd survive even though she should leave them for another saturday for that matter with a good team we could make the trip in half a day could we not Mr. Langham believed that they could and begged to be allowed to make all the arrangements even to the driving of the horses he did more than that he called upon mrs. victor and so represented the importance of Esther's going in person to see the women in the home that had suckered her and was so cordial and friendly in all his talk that mrs. victor who admired university people above all others was gracious to Esther and the second holiday was planned with faith farnham and instructor van in the back seat and Esther and professor langham in front it was mr. Langham who suggested that since there were four seats it might be as well to have another man along in case of any accident it was true he was aware that mr. van would rather spend the morning on the back seat beside faith farnham than to be anywhere else in the known world but of that he of course said nothing malindy was a revelation she was tall like her father and brothers but with a singular grace of movement and a quiet dignity of manner that took them all by surprise and made them feel that despite her short skirts and bare feet and crooked grammar they were meeting a young woman who could not be patronized and who commanded respect it was faith who succeeded in penetrating the girl's reserve she had been instantly attracted to her having murmured to esther after the first glance that she was simply superb and added i am glad i brought red ribbons they are just her color it was faith who begged presently to go to malindy's room to rearrange her hair while the men talked with the stalwart old man and esther tried to draw out the timid little woman whom these tall people called ma once alone with the girl faith seated herself on the patchwork quilt and said winsomely come and sit on the bed as we girls do in school and let us have a talk i don't think you have any idea what a wonderful bed this is you need to lose yourself on these mountains and wander about for hours and hours until you are in despair and then come upon it suddenly a shelter in the wilderness before you will understand the girl smiled proudly i reckon i couldn't get lost in these here mountains she said i know every foot of them and love them all have you lived here all your life and you like it don't you really have any neighbors nearer than the other side of the mountain dear me i should think it would be dreadful don't you get awfully lonesome the girl's keen eyes seem to grow softer as she shook her head nah i ain't lonesome no more i used to be and i was sulky and cross and all that ma could tell you if she wanted to just how hateful i was i don't know how she stood me and you are not so anymore the girl shook her head again what made the difference a rare smile broke over her expressive face as she said i got religion faith looked her bewilderment i don't understand what that means she said won't you tell me the keen gray eyes seemed to search her face and then melindy asked a question have you got religion oh no no indeed i don't even know what you mean the girl turned her eyes away toward the mountains for a moment then said quietly then i reckon you wouldn't know anything about it you see you've got to get it before you can understand she talked of it precisely as she would have the measles as though it was something to be caught faith said with a burst of laughter when she was trying to repeat the conversation to ester and yet do you know in spite of the ridiculousness of the whole thing i couldn't help feeling more as though there might be something in it than i ever did in my life before with melindy she persisted in trying to understand but tell me do you mean that there was a time a particular day when you suddenly became a different girl melindy's expressive head nodded again i got religion you know she said in response to faith's puzzled look how did you get it and now it was melindy's turn to look puzzled she turned her eyes again in the direction of the mountains as though she was accustomed to their help and was silent for some minutes at last she said i don't know how to tell it so you would understand i reckon it's just as i said you've got to get it and then you'll know it was him did it but i don't know how the tone was so reverent that it explained the pronoun but faith wanted to probe further who did it she persisted why him the savior you know i couldn't explain what he did of course but i know it so here was deliberate conviction faith regarded the girl with curiously deepening interest and was resolved to question further evidently nothing was to be got from melindy without constant questioning your father thinks just as you do doesn't he melindy nodded they all do she said they've all got it the tone now was one of exaltation jed was the last and i was awful worried about him he wouldn't talk nor let any of us talk to him not even me and him and me has always been great friends and he wouldn't stay in when pa prayed and it made him mad to have pa and ma in me walk to the schoolhouse down in the valley to meetings he said pa oughtn't to let us and that it was killing ma but it wasn't she got better every day and at last jed come around faith remembered that jed was the young giant who was even taller than his father what made him she asked but that recalled melindy's puzzled look i declared a goodness she said earnestly i don't know how to tell it anymore than i have it's just like it was with me the lord got a hold of him and he got religion was it your father's prayers that made you think about such things at first melindy shook her head and laughed la no it wasn't the last thing i ever thought of was hearing pa pray you see he was one of them men who didn't believe nothing there's a right smart lot of them around here don't seem as if ever pa could have been such a fool as that does it but he was he went as fur as any of them and didn't even believe there was any god and had mountains all around him too wasn't that queer ma used to cry over it she was brought up different ma was she used to live a way back east and go to sunday school when she was a little girl she tried lots of times to tell us young ones about it but la we wouldn't learn every last one of us took after pa and at last ma gave up talking but she didn't ever give up the praying and i suppose that was what fetched us my but ma was glad that first night when pa come home from meeting and got down on his knees and prayed out loud ma burst right out crying and she says now i'm ready to go to heaven right away i'm too happy to live any longer and pa he says show mother you can't go to heaven yet you've got three boys to look after and a girl said faith gently didn't he count you in no he didn't not that time pa generally counts me in two but i reckon he knew then that the lord was looking after me all right but the boys you see hadn't none of them got it yet what was it that made your father change his mind a beautiful soft light illumined melinda's entire face and her voice became exultant pa told them at the meeting that when he saw the change there was in his girl he knew that something had got a hold of her that he didn't know nothing about and he wanted to find out what it was and it has lasted oh yes it'll last just as much as these mountains well what makes you sure when was it that i got religion do you mean why it was five years ago most i was pretty knife fifteen and it took pa two whole years after that and jedd didn't get it till last winter we was dreadful troubled over jedd but now we've all got it and i know it'll last because he said so and we are that happy that it seems as though we couldn't stand no more never in her most joyful moments had faith pharnam felt such assurance and exultation as throbbed in melinda's face and voice at this word yet she lived in a mountain forest a mile from the trail and in a two-roomed hut without windows it was a memorable visit while they were still in melinda's room faith brought out the pictures that were to adorn the walls they were choice prints several of them humorous but there were two medanas and a copy of christ and the fishermen melinda studied each with interest and said with a grace that the donor had not expected that she should admire to pin them up on her walls that she was fixing up her room a good deal as she got time and these would help amazing she glanced proudly at the gay quills and the broken-nosed pitcher as she spoke the pitcher was at that moment gay with poppies over the medanas she laughed with delight and said that she just loved babies but a look of awe came into her face when she was told who the child was she stopped talking and gazed and gazed as though she wanted to transfer the picture to her memory just to think she said softly that he was willing to be a little baby and be toted around like other babies i wished i could have carried him never was longing for privilege more tenderly expressed but over the picture of christ and the fishermen she bent silent and absorbed she recognized the central figure at the first glance that's him she said breathlessly and then bent her head when she raised it her fine gray eyes were dim with tears i never expected to have a picture of him she said and to think that i've got three i'll tell you what i'd love to do if you don't mind i'd love to put this and one of them nodding her head toward the medanas out in the other room so that ma and pa and jet and all of them can see him pa he will like this one wonderful and ma will just do it on the little baby and we can see him all the time we are eaten and when we are reading about him and praying to him won't it be beautiful the girl is simply wonderful they were on the homeward drive and faith had been eagerly repicturing for them the scenes in malindy's room she broke off suddenly to make this exclamation and added earnestly i should like to understand it do any of you what is it that has made the change in her life professor langham you are a bible teacher and not to be able to explain these mysteries what has happened to these rude people which seems to have transformed them mr. langham made a smiling answer the girl seems to have explained it in a most expressive phrase they have all got religion doesn't that account for it not to me what is religion and how came they to get it and why are they so exultant over it i never heard anyone else pray like that old man is it because they are ignorant and in poverty that it means so much to them if it is one could almost wish to share their ignorance in order to share such joy ignorance has nothing to do with it said ester sharply she was thinking of her father and mother well then i wish somebody could explain it they certainly talk and feel about religion as no other people do with whom i come in contact and yet it is much as one would think people would feel and talk if there was anything in it that old mother used an old-fashioned word that my nurse did when i was a child she told me that since her dead had got converted it didn't seem as though she had anything left to wish for do educated people believe in that word conversion professor langham end of chapter 14 recording by trisha g