Hello, everyone. This is Matt Coast here, and we're going to be talking today about the 15 communication mistakes that instantly turn men off. And this is part two of our two-part series on this. If you haven't seen the other livestream that goes over the first eight communication mistakes, you'll want to go and check that out. But this is going to go over number nine through 15 because we ran out of time last time because we had so many things to talk about in regards to this, and it was so much fun, and we had a great time. And so today we're going to talk about these communication mistakes. And so these communication mistakes, what these things do is they can turn men off, right? When you do some of these mistakes, it can ruin your chances with a man. It can make him feel like you're not really a long-term relationship dating or even marriage material if you're looking to get married. It can kind of cause him to feel like you're overwhelming him, and he may end up pulling away because of that because a lot of times guys will pull away when they feel overwhelmed by things, when they feel overwhelmed by emotions or anxiety or stress, or if they feel like they're being manipulated or they're kind of being pushed into something, a lot of times they'll pull away because of that. It can also turn a really passionate, hot, and sexy connection that you have with a man into something that's cold, boring, and dull. And so if you don't want those things to happen, then you need to avoid these communication mistakes that we're talking about today. And so with me is the wonderful and amazing and beautiful Helena Hart. Go ahead and say hi, Helena. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining us. Do we have any members of the channel watching right now? I can't see. I don't know yet. I will look at it in a minute. But let's get started into these communication mistakes because I know a lot of people are like, just get started when you start. You know, there's a lot of complaints about that. So yeah, do you know what, you know, let's go. So we're starting on number nine. Like we said, this is part two. We're starting on number nine. And number nine is going into convincing mode. And this is one of the worst possible things that can I see women do this all the time. It's it's one of those things where one of the things you have to understand about attraction and about love and about a guy feeling like you're the right person for him and a guy wanting commitment and a guy feeling like you're, you know, a long term marriage material, all of that stuff is not logical. A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that she can convince a man that she they're perfect for each other. And that's the wrong way to go about things. Because if if he isn't feeling it emotionally, if he feels it emotionally, he'll talk himself into it like red flags that you might have that come up in front of him. He'll a lot of times a lot of men will ignore that stuff. And I've seen it happen over and over and over again. They'll ignore that stuff.  Sometimes you'll ignore it. Sometimes that will actually become things that he really likes about you and really falls in love with you about. And so convincing is the wrong way to go about doing it, right? You have to connect with his emotions. And if you're convincing him like you're trying to convince him that you're perfect for each other, or you're trying to convince him that you're really valuable to him, and you you do all these things to show him that you're really valuable to him. Those are they actually lower your value.  It seems like kind of a paradox, but it's it's reality. Did you want to say anything about that, Helena? Yeah, I mean, you know, I always talk about the dangers of not going into convincing Mozart that I'm losing my voice, by the way. I hope it's not too bad. I get it too, though, you know, I totally understand it's like you like a guy, and and we can't help it. Sometimes we unintentionally sometimes put him on a pedestal in our minds and in our hearts. And when we do that, we almost can't help it. We feel this urge to like, go after him, like almost like make him the goal or the prize in our mind. And that's when we can step into convincing mode. And just like Matt said, it there's nothing you can say to logically convince your way into a man's heart. He has to be feeling it for you on a deep kind of gut level. Men really follow their instincts when it comes to attraction and relationship. So so anytime you feel like you're trying to prove yourself to a man or win him over, like win his love in some way, you know, you are going the wrong direction. You want to really pull back on that because just like what Matt was saying, if you truly know your value, you don't have to like say that or do something to show it to a man. He's just going to see it all on his own. Like no convincing will be needed when you're with the right guy. Absolutely. It's true. It's true. One of the things that we talked about in we actually talked about in another live stream was when things are going like if a guy really feels it for you, it's actually really difficult to mess things up, right?   If he doesn't feel it for you, it's going to be really hard to get away with anything. And trying to convince a man isn't going to help your case in any way. So let's move on to number 10. So if you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi. We love it when you say hi to us. And if you have a, if you are a member and you have a question about your situation, go ahead and ask your question. If you're not a member and you have a question, and you want to ask a question about your situation and have us answer it, you have to become a member in order for us to answer your question. So so hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Alright, let's move on to number 10. So number 10 is initiating conversations about the relationship constantly. Is you want to talk about this one, Helene? Yeah, I love this topic.  You know, when we start to feel as women, when we feel anxious about where we stand with a man or where the relationship's going, we can sometimes get this intense urge to like lean forward and initiate a talk about the relationship. And, and what I've really found is working with so many women all around the world is that you really don't have to talk about the relationship as much as we think that we do. Sometimes the less you talk about the relationship, especially at the beginning, the better, especially asking him how he feels about you. Just keep in mind from the last one, you know, a super high value woman that knows her value knows this guy is interested wouldn't need to do some of these things. So just catch yourself when you feel this urge to initiate conversations about the relationship. It's one of the biggest mistakes I see women make rather than like creating the relationship and creating these really good feeling moments with a man, they want to like talk about the relationship endlessly. And that can really cause Amanda like shut down. Of course, it's fine to talk about the relationship sometimes, but it's all about where we're coming from. Sometimes it's the way we instinctively go about it that really turns a man off. Right, Matt? Yeah, it's, and it's not only that too. It's, there's a lot of other things that that go around kind of this topic.  And there was actually a question in our community a couple days ago, where a woman was asking like, I guess she asked a guy, you know, like, what is she to him? Right. And she asked it.   Sorry, Leo is just joining. And so, you know, there's words and there's actions. And so the words are like, you know, a man can say things to you, right? And if you ask him certain things, he can say things to you. And there's a way that he's going to behave. And sometimes you want to listen to what he's saying. And sometimes you want to listen to what he's doing. And it kind of depends on the situation, right? If you're asking him, you know, where if you're feeling like you need to ask him where you stand with him, that is a time when you should be looking at his behaviors, right? So if he's acting like he wants to create something with you, that's a good sign. If he's not acting like he wants to create something with you, that's a bad sign. It can also depend on when or what he said in the past, right? So we get women all the time who say, well, this guy's acting, you know, like he's really interested in me.  And in that case, that's when you want to listen to what he's saying.  He's going to take that like, you know, this is just, you know, she's trying to figure things out like, you know, she or maybe she, you know, kind of needs something, you know, like sometimes people in relationships need verbal, you know, they feel like they need verbal validation or they need physical validation or they need some kind of validation, which is normal, right? We all have insecurities, issues. I'm laughing because I, yeah, I feel that all the time, right? I feel that all the time. Absolutely. It's when we don't feel secure. It's when we feel anxious and then we want to start a conversation about the relationship. That's when that's when it can push a guy further and further away. But yeah, I totally agree with everything you're saying. Yeah. So there's a bunch of questions in here. Hi, Adrienne. Hi, Jeanette. Hi, Christina. Hi, Catherine. There's a few questions in here. I just wanted to remind you if you are, you can only, we're only going to answer questions if you ask questions and you're a member. If you're not a member, sorry, but we reserve our question and answers just for the members. If you want to become a member, there should be a link underneath this video where you can click on it and go sign up to be a member. If you're on a desktop, there should be a join button that's on the bottom right hand side of this video and you can click on that and sign up to be a member. Yeah, I mean, you know, like what Helena said, yeah, we all have, we all have insecurities. You know, we all want to feel like we know, right? One of the big things that a lot of men have a challenge with and I hear this all the time because a lot of women will say that there's a lot of bad advice out there, right? There's a lot of advice where people are like, you know, just when a man shows up and he's interested, just run away. And if he chases after you, right, as fast as he can, then he's interested. And so you just want to run as fast as you can and just see what he does, right? And it's like, you know, guys want to know that you're interested in, right? Just like you want to know that a guy's interested in you. And so if a guy doesn't feel like you're interested in him or you don't like him or you're not, you know, into him, he's probably not going to continue pursuing you because one of men's biggest fears is to end up in the friend zone, which happens all the time to guys everywhere. It's like men's worst nightmare is to end up in the friend zone. But yeah, so initiating conversations about the relationship constantly. All right, let's move on to number 11. So number 11 is holding him responsible for your feelings. I think this is another Helena one. Did you want to? Yeah, are you worried that I don't have them right in front of me? Is that why you're introducing all of them? Oh, I don't know. Do you have them? Yeah, I normally don't. So I feel like you're worried that I don't have them. Yes, I have them in front of me. Well, I just kind of assumed that you didn't. Maybe that's great. As usual. No, I need sure to have them because there's so many. Yeah, number 11 is holding a man responsible for your feelings. Your feelings are amazing. Your feelings are like your best friends. They're like your indicators that things are going well and this is a good situation for you or something's not right. Something doesn't feel good and maybe you need to take a step back. So you don't want to stuff down your feelings. You want to feel your feelings and be able to express those to a man because that's what's going to actually kind of connect with his heart. Men are always kind of living in their head and so when they when they come across a woman who's who's living from her feminine energy and can communicate her feelings to him, it's fantastic. It's just all about the way that you do it. So if you are, let's say, feeling upset or anxious and you are conveying that to a man in a way that's holding him responsible, like, you know, you made me feel upset when you did this.  It's the way you say it. It's like it's you're holding him responsible for your feelings that causes him to feel blamed or made wrong and of course that's going to cause him to shut down and pull away. So there's there's better ways to do that and I can give you some better ways to do that if anyone's interested in some like specific examples. Now what do you think? Yeah, there's there's kind of this other thing that I want to talk about around that as well and I think we touched on it last during the last live stream that we did but it's the whole thing where you talk about your feelings and then wrap them around expectations. So if you have these feeling like there it's the classic example. So we talk about this thing about saying coming from this place of I feel right like saying I feel you know this or I feel that or I feel you know I you want to give an example Helena or the I feel thing? Yeah I feel the right way to do it yeah you know I just keeping it all about yourself and your own feelings I feel good this felt good this didn't feel good I feel happy I feel excited to see you this weekend you know hearing those words didn't feel good right now is there a way that we can talk about this that feels better would be way better than saying you know you hurt me or you really disrespected me when you made that comment so it's different ways of going about it right? Well and what the mistake is that we hear a lot from women is they try to take these feeling statements of the I feel good or I feel you know happy or I feel sad or whatever and they try to wrap it around the expectations or they try to turn it into a sentence that has nothing to do with feelings like I feel like you're an idiot you know or I feel like you know you you're really a disrespectful man and you don't deserve you know you're like whoa just because you said I feel at the beginning of it doesn't mean that it's actually a feeling statement right yeah this other thing around it you're like I feel that you should call me more I feel like you need to stop being such an idiot when you you know it's like yeah yeah saying I feel sorry Leo is just like going nuts today saying I feel doesn't give you license to just say whatever you want afterwards and and and hope the guy just does what you want right so it's not the point of expressing your feelings is not to make a man do what you want right it's to just express yourself because this is who you are right you are a warm open vulnerable feminine authentic woman and then see what a man does with that information right does he take your feelings into account does he want to does he seem to want to make you feel good and meet your needs and make you happy or not so you're not doing this to try to get some result from a man you're doing it just because this is who you are and you're going to watch what he does um and then see how that makes you feel right yeah absolutely so do you want to go over the next one yeah you know the next one actually goes along with this one it's number 12 making a man wrong right and it can be easy to do this making him wrong like blaming him even on a subtle level and Matt you probably have more to say about this one than i do actually but anything that that makes a man feel like he can never do anything right like whatever he does is never enough and of course this is not about just like you know coddling a man's ego and walking on eggshells because that'll do a lot of damage in their relationship too it's about constantly making a man feel like he's not good enough he can never do anything right you know or make you happy or meet your needs if a man's supposed to feel like it's a real uphill battle trying to make you happy he's not going to see you as someone who wants to be with long term right well and it's also it's one of those things um there's a bunch i do have a lot of things that i could sit here and talk about around this and there's a lot of um there's a lot of confusion around this whole topic there's a lot of confusion around all these topics which is why we're talking about them is because there's just constant confusion about it right there's this confusion around this idea of making a man wrong and we created it actually Helena did a video um it's actually the most watched video on our channel i think it's got like 500 or 600 000 views on it and it's like this video that talks about um you know if you meet a guy that's got these qualities then um you know never let them go or something like that and there's a whole bunch of guys that got on there i mean just hundreds of thousands of guys ended up watching this video for whatever reason and the one thing that they took more than anything out of the entire thing was uh finding a guy that doesn't it was like he doesn't make you wrong or he's not always trying to be right or something like that and everybody took that and they're like oh you know all these guys were on there like well if if i'm right i'm not going to tell her that she's right you know and it's like well that's not what we're you know that's not what we're saying and i think one of the challenges with a lot of this stuff is that we'll say something there there's even an instance in our uh our facebook group the other day where um i posted a quote it was like this quote i can't remember exactly what it was but it said something on the quote and everybody everybody that there was like 15 people that commented under the quote and they totally misinterpreted the quote and made it say something completely different and that like at the bottom of it i was like whoa whoa whoa that's not what this quote says at all like try going back and rereading the quote you know let's do it slowly and just let you know actually read the words and take the words for what they say and it's hard for us to do like we all have our own preconceptions you know preconceived notions our own beliefs our own filter our own way of looking at the world through our own goggles right and a lot of times instead of seeing reality or seeing the truth or seeing what people say or hearing what people say we hear what we either want to say or what gets filtered through that perception that we have and instead of actually connecting with a person or connecting with uh advice that's coming to us because i do it as well i do it all the time i actually um have to check myself and make sure uh that that i'm i'm actually reading what people say a lot of times because a lot of times i'll you know my own issues will start popping up over my eyes and and i won't read things the way that they were said because of my own perceptions and so um you know one of the things that we're not saying here is we're not saying that you should tell men that they're always right we're not saying that you should always be wrong we're not saying that you know uh anything in the between where men are wrong and women are right or men are right women are wrong any of that stuff we're not saying that what we're saying is not to make a man wrong all the time and constantly attack him or um try to make him uh like uh or try to pretend like you're right all the time and you know attack it because it's we i i have seen i personally have seen this in um you know tons of different relationships relationships with my parents this was actually something that came up with my dad and my stepmom um a couple weeks ago when i was over there and they um uh it was like they they started talking about politics and i won't talk about exactly what they're talking about in terms of politics but it was like they couldn't see eye to eye you know and politics is a really uh energized topic but they couldn't see i they couldn't have a normal conversation about politics because they were both so attached to their point of view being right that they couldn't even talk about it they couldn't even bring up the subject without one person getting really angry and the other person getting really offensive and then you know attacks flying and and that's um maybe i've gone off topic here but uh you know making a making him wrong all the time you know um uh you know because you feel like you need to be right or or whatever you know and i hear it in our forum all the time there's a woman that said it the other day um when we were talking about nice guys right and uh there is a woman that's like um oh this is what happened when she said that uh you know a lot of um uh like oh she said what's wrong with men you know why don't they like nice women you know and i said something like you know it's the same thing with um with how men think about women they're like why don't women like nice men you know what's wrong with them you know and she said oh you know men are always wrong and women are always right you know that's why and uh and it's just a weird like it's just this weird kind of thing uh like war the sexes fighting like destructive um mindset that a lot of people come from where they're like you know men are always wrong women are always right or women are always wrong and men are always right it's funny coming from both sides you know i'm very grateful to have a had a chance to come and be a part of the women's dating and relationship industry and having come from the men's dating and relationship industry i'm very grateful to have seen both sides because i get perspectives uh with this that i would have never ever gotten if i would have just been on the men's side because you look over at the women's side as in the men's dating industry and you're like what's going on with these people you know why don't they just do this or why don't they just do that right and i hear that from women all the time and when i moved over to the women's side it was the same thing because they're like you know why don't men just get it together you know why don't men just you know stop treating women like crap you know and it's kind of interesting because if you look at either side of the spectrum um on the men's side or the women's side we're um almost all of the issues that you see with men men don't like to commit you know men are a-holes men um you know just want sex and and not a real relationship you know men are abusive you know there are no good men out there all of those perspectives that i hear all the time in the women's dating community are things that you hear all the time but the opposite in the men's dating community they say the exact same things why do women just want to sleep around with so many dudes right why are why do women treat men so badly you know why do women you know etc etc etc and really we need to create um you know i'm going back to the mission here but we really need to create a healing we really need to come back together and look at each other as human beings and stop uh stop dehumanizing each other it's a huge thing in in the women's industry right now we hear it all the time and it's really disgusting you know it really makes me sick hearing it and it's a lot of women will say things like you know they'll call men losers they'll call men pigs they'll call men narcissists they'll call men um you know all kinds of different things that de that they categorize a man and they put him into this this topic and they totally take the humanity away from it and they don't say you know what's going on with this guy that he might act this way and they just go he's evil you know he's something that we're fighting against and it's um they do it on the men's side as well right and it's just it's really destructive to our relationships and I just want you know I I know I'm going off on a tangent here but I just want to I want to re-emphasize that if we want to have relation good relationships if if you and me and Helena and everybody else that's here watching this right now wants to have good relationships we need to create a foundation in our society and in our culture where we're healing where we're having compassion for each other where we're looking at each other and we're saying you know how can we um be better partners for each other instead of looking at each other and saying how can we fight and attack each other to get our needs met and demonize the other side and call the other side names and dehumanize who they are um and come back to this place where we uh work on ourselves and we take a look within and we say why am I treating these people badly why am I dehumanizing these people why do I have all these issues why do I have these patterns of attracting these guys right and coming from that space it's a lot easier not only for you to find a good guy and attract a good guy because then you won't be attacking good men who are good men but you don't see them that way um but you know it'll also create an environment for all of us and our children and our children's children where we have better environments and we're connecting better in relationships okay did you want to move on to the next one Ellen sure sure um yeah it's about it's about choosing the connection I just want to wrap up that point why are you laughing I just go off on these tangents I know I know I just I'm just used to it choosing the connection over being right all the time right and and you want to look for a man that does that as well of course that's what I was talking about in that video if these if a man has these qualities you know he's a he's a good high quality masculine man and that was one of them too so a lot of these really go both ways you want to look for these things in a partner as well so so that brings us to number 13 and that is competing with a man and this was like the number one thing that I probably had to turn around in myself and we do it like the intention isn't always bad let me give you some examples example would be like if a guy said like I ran a marathon last year and we want to jump right in and say oh I ran two marathons last year or or a guy tells you about you know this vacation that he took and you want to jump in and tell him that that you went there too and you stayed at a five-star hotel and you know and it's we think we're connecting that way where it can come across to a man as like masculine competitive behavior where if a man is interested in you he's going to want to kind of like list off some things that he's done or can do and the tendency I know for us women is to like want to go toe to toe with him and and like he says something I went to school here and you say okay well I went to school here and and it comes across competitive sometimes and it's not what actually builds a connection it might get you a really good friend or buddy it might build like a mental connection but it does nothing for romance you know it does nothing when it comes to creating a deep heart to heart connection that really brings a man close and makes him fall in love so that's 13 is competing with a man Matt do you have anything to say on that one yeah I think that one of the big things in terms of competing with a man that we should probably really talk about is kind of the overall picture and you kind of hit it on hit on it there with the whole masculine and feminine polarity we talk about a whole bunch of big ideas on this channel and in our programs and in our communities about just a bunch of different things right one of them is the masculine feminine polarity and I think it's a really really important topic to have if you're in the stages actually in any stage right any stage of dating or being in a relationship with a man because it's all about attraction right if you want to keep a man attracted to you forever do what it is that you did to attract him in the first place and if you use feminine and masculine polarities to do that it's a lot easier to fall into that than it is trying to use games or something like that when you're when you're trying to attract a man and so masculine and feminine polarity one of the issues that we have in our society and in our culture right now is a lot of women are competing to be kind of the masculine force in this this country that we have there's you know a lot of people a lot of women that want to and sometimes it's not about that right a lot of times it's not about that a lot of times it's about going to work and being successful in your workplace and knowing that in order to be successful in your workplace you have to take on kind of stepping into your masculine masculine role and you know going after things and you know setting goals and you know being really driven and focused on something and there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that at all and at the same time when you're around men if you want to attract a masculine man he doesn't want to compete to be the man of the relationship he doesn't want to date somebody who's masculine unless he's really into his feminine he's really into his emotions and stuff like that if he is into that stuff it could be a good I have friends I have a few friends actually who are guy friends that are married to women that are very very masculine and it's not a big deal it's not necessarily a big deal you know there are some challenges that they have that a lot of normal relationships don't have right because a lot of times they're both competing for kind of leading the relationship or you know being the breadwinner or you know who's work is more important than the others or you know in one of the cases you know who's taking care of the children on a regular basis and so you know there's a lot of challenges with that and but if you're looking to attract a guy that's not quite as masculine and maybe he's masculine on the outside but he steps into his feminine energy a lot in in relationships you know it could be a good tactic if you want a masculine man though you know stepping into your feminine the more you step into your feminine the more the polarity is between the man and you the more attraction there is there the more he feels like he you know just you know is totally deeply in love with you so there's that competing with a man so that's number 13 competing with a man i'm glad there wasn't a big tangent for me to run off on on there let's go on number 14 which is offering unsolicited advice right which is it's kind of like the fixer right a lot of women who are the fixers who are out there they find you know they find a guy and they see his potential and they go you know he could be this great man if he just right and then they list off all these things and then they go to work you know trying to get him to you know start being that guy that they see that he could be and they fall in love with this dude this image of this guy that there is out there instead of actually being present with the man that actually exists right here and falling in love with him if that's you know something that they want to do and so a lot of times what women do is they talk about what a guy should be doing and they you know start shooting at him or they start putting a lot of a pressure on him to start doing things differently or they'll call him out on things all call him out on things all the time where she feels like he shouldn't be doing that and so he should be doing something else and just to you know go back I mean I think somebody mentioned this in the comments what we're we're not talking about here clarifying communication what we're not talking about here is we're not talking about accepting bad behavior we're not talking about accepting a man treating you like crap we're not talking about accepting a man being abusive to you if a man is being abusive to you you need to get out right you need to get out completely if you can um there's a lot of complicated relationships out there I do understand that right not everybody's in a dating situation who watches our our channel and watches our videos sometimes people are in situations where they're married and they have kids and they have a family you know and if the abuse is bad and it's there you need to get out anyway and um it's one of those things like I we hear it all the time right like we'll hear women come into our community on Facebook and they'll say I'm dating this narcissist and he does all these horrible things to me and you're like why are you dating him right well I love him well let's you know take a second and stop focusing so much on how you feel and take a moment and think about what you actually deserve in a relationship and figure out you know what the difference is between the two and decide if you want the relationship or if you want the man and um if you're in an abusive relationship that's a decision that you're going to have to make and um my advice a hundred percent of the time isn't how to get back at a man isn't how to you know exert your revenge on a man or get the upper hand in a relationship it's if you're in an abusive relationship get out of it and get into a healthy one um and stop offering unsolicited advice to men go ahead go ahead Elena what do you want me to talk with okay so for unsolicited advice I did want to mention because like I said we're not making you guys wrong at all like coming at it from my like female perspectives like this comes from a good place like I get it trust me like my background's in psychology and education and I and I have this like urge to like want to help people I do it all day long and so it can be easy to want to turn that on to a man like oh you know you should really do this or that like I see it in my clients too I have this one amazing client she's a physician and she's dating a guy who has um health problems and so she she constantly feels this urge to want to like tell him how to eat right and exercise and and we work on this on on how to like be helpful when he's asking for it without jumping into your masculine energy and and constantly offering unsolicited advice suggestions when you do that it can kind of make a man feel on a deep level that you don't trust him right you don't trust him to make good decisions for himself and his own life and for the two of you in the relationship if you don't trust a guy it's probably not a good guy to be with because that's going to come out in all different areas but this is a huge huge topic I got like three requests today to do a video just on how to stop giving unsolicited advice because again usually it comes from a really good place where we just want to help and we want to connect with the guy it's not that we're constantly trying to shame him and make him wrong but it's it's one of those things where a man can start to feel like oh she doesn't trust me to handle my own self and my own life so you want to just really pull back on that once you start paying attention you might be surprised how often you're doing this I know I certainly was so yeah just catch yourself of course if a guy's asking for your advice that's going to happen all the time right it's of course it's fine but it's all about the way you go about it you just don't want to come across like you're telling a man what to do because men do not want to romance their their mother you start treating a guy like you're his mother he will start acting out and and maybe acting in ways like he did when he was a an adolescent and trying to just grow up and be his own person he'll start acting out towards you so you want to really really watch that and of course of course it's fine to share your opinion and and advice and suggestions when he's asking but see if you can catch yourself every time you feel the urge to like tell a guy what he should be doing it's it's a really common thing I see all the time yeah anything else to add on that one well I you know I just want to emphasize what Helena was talking about and I'm talking about some extreme cases but they're cases that we see all the time they're cases that we see in our community where you know women get on there and they're like hey you know like how do I you know hurt this guy or whatever and and you know and that's toxic it's toxic somebody posted something in our comment section here about toxic masculinity I don't think that's a real thing I think there's toxic behavior and I think that there's behavior that men do that's toxic and I think there's behavior that women do that's toxic and I think that you know coming from a space a toxic space is usually what creates that and you know and like what Helena was saying sometimes coming from a good space can create negative experiences as well you know can create things if he's coming from a space where he doesn't you know he doesn't feel like he really loves himself or he doesn't really feel like he's worthy to be in a good relationship he can take things that you say that were totally nice and happy things and turn them into something that's really really bad um and that's not the point that Helena was talking about Helena was talking about you know trying to help him trying to help him out and coming from a good space and him uh kind of being turned off by that and that that can definitely help as well or it can happen as well um so yeah I don't really have anything else to say about that let's move on to number 15 here uh which is oh go ahead which is being stuck in masculine or neutral energy and we're I was just talking about that a minute ago um but not being connected to your heart or your feminine energy and being in kind of a logical space or a kind of a neutral space right there's there's where I was just talking about the polarities and the further you are along the feminine polarity the more attracted a masculine man is going to be to you and uh I've seen this all the time and if you want to really attract a masculine man get into your feminine energy you know do a lot of the things that we talk about pick up Helena's feminine enchantment program and learn about what femininity is and how to get connected to your feminine self it's not about changing who you are it's not about being a different person it's about connecting to the part of yourself that's feminine which we all have um and coming from that space and connecting with a man from that space because when you connect from with a man from that space it's incredibly attractive to him what do you want to say about it yeah definitely this one we kind of like infused it all throughout and I do want to emphasize it like pretty actually all of these 100 percent of these can come from such a good place and it's accidental it's unintentional but it really can turn a man off yeah a lot of times we can be stuck up in our own heads and cut off from our own feelings and and our own feminine energy and then we don't understand why a guy didn't ask us out for another date or why he's you know maybe came on strong for a little while but then he backed off he never really like fell in love and felt connected so it's it's not about connecting you know mentally of course having a mental connection is fantastic just like having a physical connection it's so great and but it's the deep heart to heart connection which is really gonna you know make a man fall in love that's what drops him down into his heart and experience things that that he might not have since he was a child you know because we as women have this wide range of emotion in this agency to feel all kinds of things that men don't really feel all the time on their own because maybe they've been taught that it's not manly to feel certain things or it's shameful or wrong or or it shows weakness for a man to you know only like men are kind of stuck in feeling certain things like you know hunger lust anger those are kind of acceptable emotions for men but some of these other emotions that that we feel so freely all day long men don't have access to them on their own often and so I always say the way to connect to a man's heart is always through your own heart first of course there's a lot of amazing conscious men out there these days that that are connected to themselves but most men aren't I've really found so so in a lot of ways we are more conscious than them and we're connected to ourselves and to others in a way that men can only get connected to through us so when we're able to get into our feminine energy communicate from our heart and stay open emotionally to a man that's what really draws him in and makes him feel compelled to keep coming towards you keep connecting with you that's what a man can truly fall in love and and you know there's that's what we talk about so much I've like probably over a hundred videos on how to do this on how to you know communicate from your feminine energy yeah we did a one video on it that was all about feminine energy using feminine energy to attract a man and we really go in depth in that video about what femininity is what it looks like what it feels like to a man when he's around a feminine energy woman and it's these days it's really rare I mean it's really really rare it's a lot more common for men to experience women who are just neutral right who they just they're around and they just feel blah about right maybe they're physically attracted to that woman but they're not really emotionally attracted to that woman and so if you want to stand out from the crowd you know connect with your heart connect with your feminine energy and you know get into your emotions and feel them and for a lot of people it's scary right for a lot of men it's scary for a lot of women it's scary I hear women all the time who tell me that they've kind of shut down completely their emotions because because they're afraid of them or they don't like feeling this or they don't like feeling that and and you can't just experience some of your emotions you have to experience all of them you know you have to experience the anger you have to experience the the sadness you have to experience the fear if you want to experience the love if you want to experience the desire if you want to experience the the excitement and happiness and stuff that you want to have in your life um you have to go through all of them and uh yeah so that's yeah totally I totally agree yeah if you're cut off from one feeling you're cut off from them all so it's kind of the running away from the fear running away from the strong emotions that can keep us stuck in our masculine energy which is what we're talking about here and keep a man at arm's length or keep him at a distance where he just feels like Matt said he might be uh physically attracted to you but he's there's something that's like blocking him from coming close or really preventing him from truly falling in love and wanting to commit to a real relationship yep for sure for sure so um I think that's all we've got for you today uh I didn't see any questions from any of our members um you know first I want to say thank you to all of our members thank you for everybody that shows up to our our uh live streams and that comes to our channel and watches our videos and takes our advice we really appreciate you and thank you to all the members who um have paid to be it's five dollars a month to be a part of our our channel here um it supports our channel and what we're doing and helps us continue doing what we're doing so thank you so much for doing that we've been thinking about having more live streams we're going to start doing them uh once a week here now and we're thinking about doing even more depending on how people feel about them I think a lot of people like them and we get a lot of uh people that kind of come on on our video so um you know maybe we'll uh you know have multiple live streams a week and um if you want to have your questions answered on one of our live streams you should sign up as a member you know if you want to support our channel please sign up as a member uh thank you everybody who's done that um did you have anything else you wanted to talk about Helena oh I just want to say thank you I'm really excited so we're going to be doing live streams well I'm going to be doing live streams at this time three o'clock pacific every Friday next week I'm going to have Nicole Elisa the amazing coach you guys know Nicole from this channel we're going to be talking about what to do if a man is emotionally unavailable or bread crumbing you or acting hot and cold and inconsistent so if you guys are experiencing that and want to get your questions answered by both myself and Nicole uh become a member and show up next Friday at the same time and we'll we'll get to interact with you live yep and if you want to see the first part of this uh video we this is our second live stream our first one was on the first eight kind of mistakes communication excuse me communication mistakes that a lot of women make um that's in our live stream feed maybe I'll put it under this video when uh we repost it so thank you everybody for being here and I appreciate um I appreciate you being here and um Helena appreciates you being here and so uh thank you so much and we will talk with you soon


Hello and welcome to this session. This is Professor Farhad and this session we're going to be looking at introduction to accounting for healthcare providers. Sometimes it's called hospital accounting or medical accounting, but that's the overall topic. This topic is covered in a government and not for profit accounting course. It's also covered on the CPA exam, the FAR section. As always, please connect with me on LinkedIn. YouTube is where you would need to subscribe. I have over 1500 plus accounting, auditing and tax lecture. This is my Instagram account. I'm trying to grow my Instagram. If you like my YouTube, please like them, click on the like button, subscribe, share them, put them in the playlist, let the world know about them. If you're benefiting from my YouTube, it means someone else might benefit as well, so share the wealth. This is my Facebook. I have a premium Gumroad account and this is my website. On my website also a few shows you could donate. If you chose to to support the channel, what's with Becker CPA review? Now let's talk about health coverage. The first thing we need to define is a term called indemnity coverage. What is this indemnity coverage? Basically, I'll tell you a story. My grandmother came to this country in the 1950s. They lived here for several decades before I came and I immigrated into this country in the early 1990s. I always remember my grandmother talking about how great this country is and when I asked her why, she would say she's an old lady. She would say because the health coverage is great. She loved working. She worked in the manufacturing industry and they had health coverage. As far as she's concerned, anything that happened to her medically or to her family, which is they had six kids and more than they believe seven kids, typical Catholic family, seven kids, they were covered. She didn't have to pay premium. She didn't have to pay deductible. Once something happened, she go to the doctor and the doctor would treat her. Okay? So this is what indemnity coverage is. Basically, you're covered. Anything covered basically unlimited coverage. So we would build patient for services provided. Bill means the health care provider. They will build the patient for the service provided and the insurance company will pay. And this was the insurance I would say up until the 1990s actually when I came to this country. And think about this system. Think about if we have indemnity system, indemnity coverage. What does that mean? It means the insurance company will pay your bill. Don't worry about it. You have no premium. You have no deductible. And guess what? The doctor at the other side is thinking the same thing. Guess what? If what about I try to build the client as much as possible. So you go in for you for a back pain, the doctor will check your neck will check your back will check your leg will check everything. Why? Because if they can bill you, the insurance company will cover it. So this system has no incentive to control cost by doctors or hospitals because, you know, if you need an x-ray, they'll give you an x-ray. If you need MRI, they'll give you an MRI. Whether it's you really need it or not, but they'll try to provide it to you. Also the patients, they had no deductible. They did not have to pay any premium and their work. Therefore, there was no incentive to control cost. And what do you think happened? Well, as a result, the cost of insurance went up. So the premium, your premium, now the company said we can no longer afford to pay the insurance by ourselves. Now you have to pay. You have to put up some money. This is why where the premium came in. Like my grandmother would not know what a premium is. Okay, luckily she would not know. God does her soul now. She's, you know, she left us a long time ago. But the point is she would not understand the concept of a premium or the concept of a deductible because the insurance was indendery coverage. Basically, you're good to go. Okay. Then what happened? Obviously the insurance company, the doctors and the hospital, they needed to find the solution. Also inflation went up. That's why the cost went up and other reasons. But that's just one of the reasons because the coverage was unlimited. There was no incentive to control cost. Therefore, we introduce a new coverage called capitation coverage. And capitation basically is prepaid. Okay. So what is capitation coverage? Okay. Capitation fee is a prepaid fee. So basically the insurance company, they will go into a contract with the hospital or with the doctor or any healthcare provider in exchange for a prepaid fee. So simply put, the insurance company will pay your doctor a fee. Okay. That fee could be monthly by weekly. Weekly it doesn't matter. So they pay a fee. Whether you go to that doctor or not. Okay. So what does that mean? It means the doctor is getting paid because there is an insurance contract between them and the insurance company that they're going to be paid that fee. Now, when you go to the doctor, they don't pay the doctor again. This is basically the doctor is being paid. So in here, what happened is in a sense under capitation fee to think from an incentive perspective. Now the doctor does not have incentive to treat you in a sense that they're getting paid regardless. But that's, we're not going to go there. But the point is just to show you what the incentive is. Okay. Now the doctor, they will try to give you the minimum amount of services because your insurance is a capitation insurance. They're getting paid whether they incur that additional cost or not. So the first thing we need to understand is the difference between the capitation coverage and indemnity coverage. So make sure you know the difference between those two and how they're being built because we're going to talk about how we do accounting for them. Now, let's talk about the revenue for doctors and hospitals. Where do doctors and hospitals get the revenue? Well, patients, but that's not really that much. The revenue comes from third-party reimbursement. And who reimburs doctors and hospitals or healthcare providers? Okay. Three parties. Medicare, which is a federal program. So it's the federal government, Uncle Sam. This program is mainly exists to serve the elderly and the retirees and the disabled if they qualify. Medicaid, Medicaid is for as a state program. And the Medicaid is for low income who cannot afford health insurance. Here we're talking about the welfare system. So basically you cannot afford to have insurance for your kids, for your family, you go and you apply for the state. And the third party is the big one is the insurance company. Here, the insurance company, they might have indemnity insurers, indemnity coverage, capitation coverage. And most of the time, most insurance now is hybrid. For some services, it's indemnity. For some services, it's capitation. They limit you to a certain amount. So let's take a look at the mechanics, how a third party reimbursement work. Okay. So the third party pay the health coverage provider based on a contractual rate. Okay. And this rate is based on the illness. For example, if you're gonna do a hope open heart surgery, we may charge you $300,000. And if you want to remove a ward, they may charge you $3,000. So depending on the illness. Let's work an example to see how this work. At some point in my life, I had my appendix removed. Okay. And what I did is I received the bill from the hospital for $3,850. So the hospital will bill you. Now I was like, whoa, how am I gonna pay this? And specifically, I had my appendix removed right right after I graduated from college. So I was right out of college. So it was like 22 years old. So what happened is I called the doctor and the doctor said you have yet you we do have health insurance for you. We're gonna build the we're gonna build the we're gonna build the hospital and the hospital we're gonna build the ensure your insurance company and they will pay. Then what happened is I received from my from my insurance company, I believe was blue cross blue shield, something called EOB explanation of benefit. And in that benefit, they said they're gonna pay the doctor $2,000. I was like, Oh my God, if they're gonna pay the doctor $2,000, it means I'm still responsible for $1,850. And back then I mean, we're talking in the early in the 1999, which is it's like, I did not that money was worth a lot. It's still worth a lot today. But the point is, I'm right out of college, I was still having I was still paying my credit card that let alone my student loan. And now I have to come up with $1,850 the difference. Well, I called the doctor and the doctor said, No, you're not going to have to pay the $1,850. Although we build you, this is what we would have charged you. But based on our agreement with the insurance company, the insurance company will pay us $2,000. And basically this amount, you don't have to worry about it was like, great. It's like, are you sure because you know, my bill shows I have to pay $1,850. My explanation of benefit. It's basically it says this is, yes, that's what you are responsible for. But that's it. Once they pay us $2,000. That's the agreement between us, the doctor and the insurance company. So this is how it works. So this is called the contractual adjustments. So it's the difference between the amount built to third party and the amount collected to third party. Okay, so that so they, although they build you for $3,850, but they would accept $2,000 from the insurance company. Now, if you did not have insurance, they would build you for $3,850. You might be saying, but that's not fair. Why would they build me if I don't have insurance? Think about it. The insurance company, they might have 1000 appendix removed for that month across the whole country, right? So they'll give them a discount. They're not going to give you a discount if you're on your by yourself. Now, the, you know, hospitals, they do have a lot, they do a lot of charity, but that's beside the point. Okay. So contractual adjustment is recognized for indemnity coverage only. So if you have indemnity coverage, this is where we have the contractual adjustment. This is when we have a contractual adjustment. Okay. So remember, with your health insurance coverage, some of the coverage could be indemnity coverage, some of it could be capitation. So your policy could have for certain illness, you are covered for others, you are limited so on and so forth. So for example, for the appendix, I guess, how many times you're going to remove your appendix, right? Not many times. Okay. So this is how it works. And let's just basically, we'll take a look at the journal entries to see how this all fits together. So indemnity revenues, you would recognize the revenue when the service is provided. So the health insurance company, not the health insurance, the healthcare provider, they will recognize the revenue when the service is provided. When is the service provided? Actually, when I woke up from the operation, right? This is when the service is provided. No net of the contractual adjustment. So they would record the revenue at the gross amount. Okay. Therefore, the contractual adjustment must be shown on the balance sheet and on the income statement. So let me show you what we mean by this. So when that third party, when the doctor built me, they built me, okay, 3850. Actually, it's called third party receivable because they basically build the insurance company, but they also send me a bill. But really, it's a third party receivable, not patient receivable. This is a third party receivable. So they debit receivable and they credit revenue. And this is how we record the revenue and the receivable for the indemnity coverage. Okay. We build a third party. Therefore, we debit a third party receivable, third party revenue. Now we record the contractual adjustment. We're going to debit revenue contractual adjustment, which is a contra revenue account, contra to this one. Okay. So 3850 minus 2000 is what? Is 1850. What's left? Okay. Then they will credit an allowance of 2000. Also, this is a contra account. This is contra to the receivable. This is contra to the receivable. Okay. So the only cash that the health insurance would be paid is $2,000. So they will debit cash when they receive the cash and they will credit the allowance for contractual, they will debit the allowance for contractual adjustment. This account is gone when they get the money and they will credit the third party receivable for 3850. So this is the entry that we make when we receive the cash. So this is we bill at gross, we record the contractual adjustment, then we receive the cash. So this is how it works. Let's take a look at another example. During the week, the hospital bills $3 million, the third party insurers for services provided to patient who have indemnity insurance coverage. Remember, this is indemnity. We have to record that at gross. The hospital anticipate that third party insurance company to pay the amount bill, but at a discount of 40%. So basically the agreement between them and the insurance company is they'll pay 40% of the gross bill. Well, that's how would they record this entry to the hospital? They will debit third party receivable $3 million, they will credit third party revenue $3 million. This is the various revenue expected from various insurance company. Then they would record the contractual agreement.  Therefore, we debit revenue, we debit revenue, contractual adjustment 1.2 million. We credit allowance for contractual adjustment 1.2 million. Okay? Let's take a look. During the week, the hospital bills $1 million directly to patients for services provided for these for those patients. So here's the difference. The difference here is we are billing. There's no insurance involved here. We are billing the patients themselves. The hospital anticipates 65% of the patient charges are likely to be in collectible. And that's that's a high in collectible, but that's that that's that's typical in a hospital. So how would the how would the hospital record this entry? Okay, we're gonna also record it at gross, which is the gross is 1 million. So we're gonna debit patient receivable. This is different than third, they're both receivable, but this is third party receivable $1 million, credit patient revenue $1 million. Then we have to record that expense, which is a very high bed that expense. We debit 650,000 credit allowance for doubtful account 650,000. You'd say that's a lot. Yes, it is a lot. And that's typical in a hospital situation. Okay. Now let's talk about capitation fee revenue. When do we recognize the capitation fee revenue? Pretty straightforward. You recognize it when the cash is received. When the cash is received. Also, the company might provide charity care. And what is charity care? Somebody come in, somebody pick them up, and they don't have no health insurance coverage. They have no job. They're not homeless, but they don't have any assets. Under that situation, the hospital would say, I'm gonna provide this as a charity care because they don't expect to receive any money from them. Actually, in the US, if you showed up in the emergency room, they have to take you. They have no option. Like, like in other countries, I'm not gonna name any countries, but in some countries, they don't have to. I'll just, you know, I'll just since you're listening, it doesn't matter. For example, my my I come from Lebanon and Lebanon emergency room, they don't take you if you don't have money, they will not accept you in the US emergency room, they have to accept you whether you have money or not. Okay. So if the hospital thinks you cannot pay that money, they would not recognize any revenue from the get go. They would not recognize any revenue. So let's take a look at this example. The hospital received 7 million dollar of capitation fees from insurance company with which it has contract. During the year it provided services for which it built 9 million at standard rate. So they build the customers, not the customers, the patients. Yes, the customers. Yes, but let's call them patients. 9 million dollar or it would have built them 9 million dollar for those services. But based on the agreement between them and the in the insurance company, they would receive 7 million. Now, do we report the 9 million or do we report the 7 million? Remember, for capitation coverage, we record things when cash is received. Therefore, we received 7 million, we only have 7 million of revenue. Therefore, we debit cash, credit, capitation, revenue, 7 million, which is a revenue account. So we don't, we don't have to go there and say our standard rate would have been 9 million. Well, maybe if there was no insurance, you would have built the client 9 million, but we're talking about capitation revenue. So be careful. And the problem is capitation revenue, it means record the cash. Don't worry about what the, what they would have built on. Okay. Let's assume the hospital treated charity cases at a standard rate, it would have built them 85,000. So for the month, they have, they service, you know, so many people and as a result, they would have built them 85,000, but they don't think they can get money from those people. Therefore, it's considered a charity. What journal entry do we make? Easy. There's no journal entry. No revenue recognized because if you don't think you're going to get paid, don't put the revenue in and take it out. Just right from the get go, no revenue is recognized. Okay. Let's look at more examples. Healthcare provider, healthcare provider provided direct care services to patient, billing them 400,000. This is direct care of which, of which, of this amount we receive 120, but as a consequence of bad debt, expect to collect a total of 330,000. So we, we service 400,000 worth of, we provide 400,000 worth of services. We think we can collect 330, and we already received 120. So what are the journal entries for something like this? Well, we built a client 400,000, debit receivable, credit revenue, and we hope to get every penny of it, but we think we can only get 330, therefore debit bad debt expense, credit allowance. You might be saying, why don't we just debit receivable 330, and credit revenue 330? Why, why, why debit bad debt expense? This is an estimate. This is how much you think you are not going to be able to collect. You may collect more than 330, you may collect less than 330, which is different than charity. Charity care, you're not going to get anything. You're not expecting anything. You're expecting zero. So that's why we reported at gross and we write it down. Then when we receive the cash, we debit cash and credit receivable, just like any other entry we debit cash, credit receivable. Let's take a look at another example. A healthcare provider provided direct care to patient covered by insurance. Now here, the patients, they're not paying themselves, we're going to be billing third party. Who are members of various health plans for which at standard rate it would have cost us 650. However, owing to contractual agreement with the payer, we're actually going to build them only 480. So if those individuals did not have health insurance, we would build them 650, because they have health insurance, we would build them 480. How do we book the entries for contractual agreement? Okay, remember for contractual agreement, we still have to build it at gross, which is 650 third party receivable, third party revenue, not patient receivable, not patient receivable. This is not patient receivable. We're not expecting it from the patient, we're expecting it from the third party, that's why we say third party receivable. Then we record the contractual adjustment. The contractual adjustment is 170,000. We debit the contract revenue, we debit the contract receivable. Then when we receive the money, we debit the cash, we remove this receivable, we remove this receivable and we debit the cash and we credit these and we remove this receivable too. sorry, we move, sorry, this contra receivable and this receivable when we receive the cash, okay? The other two, the revenues and the contra revenue will go on the income statement and they'll be closed out. Provided a charity care for which we build them, we would have built them 82,000, what's the entry? Again, no journal entry, no journal entry. Let's take a look at a capitation example. Healthcare provider provided capitation fees of 1.4 million from healthcare plan and provided services to member of those plan for which it would have built 1.6. We would build them 1.6 but with the capitation fees we're only gonna get 1.4. We don't do anything until we receive the cash. So once we receive the cash, we debit cash 1.4, we credit capitation revenue 1.4. Basically, clean cut, capitation fees are clean cut entries, debit cash, credit revenue, okay, versus the contractual agreement which we have to have two adjustments, two entries then receive the cash, basically three entries. Let's take a look at indemnity revenue, okay? Remember, we recognize revenue when the service is provided. No net to contractual agreement. Just basically a review, just to kind of remind you. If you have any questions about this topic, please email me. If you happen to visit my website for additional lectures, please consider donating. If you're studying for your CPA exam, as always, study hard, it's worth it. In the next session, I will take a look at another topic which is cost reimbursement for hospital. Good luck and study hard.


Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another Premiere Pro tutorial. This one is going to show you how to do this awesome glitch stutter. It's very, very simple to do. It'll take you about two minutes to go through it step by step. Let's start from the beginning. Okay, everything's gone. Drag and drop some footage into your timeline, and let's just go ahead and make it a short clip, like a couple seconds long. Perfect. The next step, hold down the Alt key on a Mac, Option K on a PC, and push up. What happens is we've got a duplicate copy. Beautiful. Now, move this second video up about 10 frames. So, right about, yeah, right there, okay? So, there you go. You'll see here that this one now starts on the 10th frame. So, we've got a, basically, we've just sort of made a gap between the two of them. The next step, we're going to go to our Effects panel, and we're going to grab the strobe light effect. Type in strobe, and under Video Effects Stylize Strobe, you'll see strobe light. Presto, drop it on there. And now we've got a weird look, but not to panic. What we want to do now is we want the strobe duration. We're going to click on this. It's 0.5 by default. We're setting it to 0.15. Now, we're also going to go ahead and adjust the random strobe probability. So, right now, it's at 0%. Making sure your playhead is stuck at the beginning of the second track here, go ahead and click on this stopwatch beside random strobe probability. 0% there, and then by the end of it, I want it to be about 100%. So, we're just basically animating the strobe probability. Now, the last thing you want to do for strobe light is we're going to go ahead and change this from Operates on Color Only to Makes Layer Transparent. It's quite a bit of a difference. So, here we go. If I hit Play, you'll see that we've already got a glitch in place and it's working. Now, the next step is I'm going to go ahead and take this up to a scale of about 110. And the reason why we're doing that is it just gives it a little bit of a glitch. It scales up a little bit as well as sort of, you know, stutters. So, we've got a little bit of both going on there, but we need some more. The next step is we're going to go back to our Effects panel. We're going to type in one, oops, and it's going to be VR. Type in VR Chromatic. What we're looking for is VR Chromatic Aberrations. Drag and drop that onto the top clip. Now, in your Lumetri Color workspace, where I am right now, if you don't see it, just go like I did there, Workspaces Color. Just take the saturation down to about zero. And then, now we're going to see some pretty cool stuff. So, now I'm going to hit Space Bar and there you go. It glitches out and it becomes transparent. That's all there's to it, guys. Thanks for watching.