Not really, not really, let me know how this sounds, don't look convinced, okay testing again, one, two, three, four, five, nothing, I should have wore a shirt with a collar Is this okay, can you hear me? Okay, let's see if we can do any better. I wonder if this improved anything. I think this was the best. How's the volume now? Okay, testing once more, one, two, three, test, one, two, three. I'm just gonna keep on talking until I get any feedback. Okay, awesome, thank you. Excuse me. Yeah, are we waiting for the moderator or to just start? Okay, I'm waiting for him. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. My name is Simon. Our next speaker is Alan Murienic. Murienic. Murienic. He is presenting automatic for the people and I'm sure he can introduce his talk better than I can. If you have any questions at any time let me know and I'll get I'll deliver a mic to you. So, hey, good morning. Welcome to DevConf. I'm Alan Murienic. I'm a senior manager at Synopsys where I manage the Node.js and .NET agents for Seeker which is probably the best I asked product out there but that's not what I'm gonna talk about today. First of all, I want to apologize for those of you who saw the title and thought this is gonna be about the greatest rock music of the 1990s. It is not. If you are expecting a talk about that, feel free to leave. No hard feelings. If you're still here, what I do want to discuss is the realization I got in the last couple of years. So, at least for me and possibly for all of you, as we or as I advanced in my career, I found out that less and less of what I do is actually coding and this doesn't matter if you're an engineer and you're being promoted to senior or principal or staff engineer or whatever they call it in your company or unofficially if you move up the ranks or the so-called ranks in your excuse me open source project and become a committer or maintainer or even God forbid if you turn to the dark side like I did and become a manager. Less and less of what we do is coding. We're suddenly expected to do all sorts of things like define policies and do code review and mentor people, all sorts of soft skills. I have absolutely no idea why I call these soft skills. They're really, really hard to do and most of us or sorry I will not speak for all of us. I personally am just not good at these things. I've come to meet a couple of engineers that share the same problems. Excuse me and even if you are naturally good at these things, you just don't scale. We're just humans. There's just so many hours a day and some of us also take some of these hours and do other things like sleep or interact with your family, things like that which takes away even more of your time. So we're kind of in a problem here or at least I am. The good news is that as engineers we are really, really good at coding. At least I hope we are. Otherwise we're in the wrong profession. What I'd like to propose today is perhaps a mind shift of how we take the skills that we are naturally good at and apply them to this new problem of soft skills. So how do engineers solve problems generally? We automate things. This is just what we do and what I'm going to talk about today is how we apply this mindset to, as I said, a different set of problems. A short disclaimer. I'm not going to discuss any specific technology or any specific framework. If I do, this talk will quickly deteriorate into a traverse versus circle CI versus Jenkins talk. I have a plan to catch in about 10 hours so we won't go down that route. There's a bunch of project logos here which are all links to the respective projects or share the slides afterwards. Just feel free to check them out. The second disclaimer is I'm probably not going to show you anything new. I'm probably going to show you things you already know, already do, and just I want to get you to think about them in a somewhat different perspective. For example, why do we have unit tests or why do we need unit tests? That's like an open question to the crowd. So the wrong answer is to find bugs. Another wrong answer is to prevent regressions in the code. Excuse me. Well, not exactly a wrong answer, but an incomplete answer. This does not address the issue of soft skills. From a soft skill perspective, unit tests are a way for me to document my software, to document how it's used, how it should be used, and what I care about when I develop it in a language that's really easy to share. A lot of projects, sorry, trying to document the code in this awful language called English, if any of you have heard about it.  It's full of ambiguities. It's full of double meanings. If you ask two people from two different sides of the Atlantic Ocean, they can't even agree on how to spell stuff. Have you ever seen color with a U? Some people do. And worst of all, for a lot of us, English is just our second or third language. Now, if I want to contribute to a project, let's say in Python, I suddenly need to learn two different new languages I don't speak, Python and English, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. So if I can just learn one language, Python, and get the documentation in that language too, it's much easier to transfer knowledge like this. So from a junior engineer's perspective, when I am introduced to a new project and when I read through the code, I want to only read through the actual code of the project. I'll read through the unit tests or system tests, integration tests, whatever. And this will kind of tell me what considerations I should care about, how different parts of the system are already used, how they should be used. This kind of hints to what I should be doing. As a senior engineer, someone who reviews new code, I now not only review the code, I review the tests which are submitted in it, with it, sorry. And this is kind of a shortcut for me. It takes away a lot of these conversations of have you thought how your code behaves in a multi-threaded environment? Have you thought how this code handles different encodings? These are really easy questions. If you have a test for it, you thought about it. If you don't, you did not. And since we like to automate things, code coverage tools are your best friend here. Now, I'm not saying every patch can have 100% coverage. I'm not necessarily even saying that every patch should have 100% coverage. But if I review the coverage report, this is, again, another shortcut for me to find the glaring blocks of code which are untested. And I can give this quick feedback, hey, look, this part of the code isn't tested. You may want to look back at it. So unit tests are kind of an obvious example of this. Why do we need linters? The wrong answer is to make sure the code looks nice. Has anyone ever had this discussion about tabs versus spaces? Does anyone know what the right answer to tabs versus spaces is? I'll give you a hint. It's not spaces. I'll give you another hint. It's also not tabs. The only right answer for this discussion is not to have it. Because tabs versus spaces isn't a technical discussion. It's a religious discussion. And like any other religious discussion, it's fine to have it, but you won't convince anyone. If you aren't pro tabs walking into the discussion, you won't be pro tabs walking out of it. Linters are a way of not having these discussions. First of all, linters are a way of documenting a consensus we already have in the project. And a consensus can be reached really early on when there's a single contributor. And then that consensus is really simple. I decided to use spaces. This is what we're going to do. You can document this consensus in a configuration for a linter. Check this in as part of the false code. And from now on, you are not having this discussion anymore. Every patch that's submitted gets run through the linter, automatically fails if it doesn't adhere to your standards. And that's it, problem solved. Not only does this save time for me as a senior engineer that needs to review stuff, it saves time for the junior engineer that needs to submit a patch. Has anyone ever submitted a patch to a project he didn't know as a junior engineer? So you submit it, you wait a day till someone takes a look, get 25,000 different remarks, please remove trailing white spaces. Take your patch, remove 25,000 trailing white spaces, submit the patch again, wait for another two days till someone takes a look. Then someone does says, yeah, well, we like our curly braces up here and not down there. So you go through that again, wait another two days.  Yeah, you know, what this idea can't work. You just wasted the week of your life. If I could get this feedback immediately from my local build, I won't even submit a patch with these problems. I'll get the feedback, effective feedback much faster. Also, from a perspective of someone who needs to review the patch, I then go through four cycles of mindless reviewing of I can't look at this patch, this tabbing is all wrong. I can actually focus on stuff I care. Now, most of these tools are highly configurable and you can tweak them in whatever way you want. Most of these also pretty easy to extend or quite straightforward. The tool passes the code, you get back an AST and it's usually pretty simple checkers that go over the AST and either fail or don't. But so you can add your own rules. But even if you aren't using a tool like that, these are immensely useful. As someone ever used to go fmt for go. So I don't quite remember the phrasing, but it says something like go fmt forces a style which nobody likes, but everyone can agree upon. They just took away the entire argument, which again, just saves time and makes us easier for all of us. My personal favorite, why do we need static analysis tools? So kind of like a hint here. But this is the wrong answer again. Static analysis tools from a soft skill perspective, a really quick hack to amp up your knowledge. Even us so called senior engineers don't know everything. We can't know everything. The world is just too complicated. And we can't think of everything. Static analysis tools, if you think about it for a moment, is just this massive knowledge base where a lot of people who are usually experts in certain really small field, like synchronization issues, or encoding issues, or I don't know what, took all this knowledge, coded, coded some simple rules, simple best practices, rules of thumb into an automatic tool. And now I don't need to know everything about everything. I kind of have a mind trust encoded in my software helping me. And this isn't just for genius engineers. Even as a senior engineer has been doing this for over 20 years. I still found myself learning new things from fine bugs from spot bugs, definitely from JSC and just by doing something a bit different in my job and exploring something I wasn't very proficient in. Like, hey, wait a minute, these guys are right. Never thought about that. Did my deeds for the day, I learned something. Check. And of course, this has a much higher effect if you're a relatively junior engineer that doesn't have so much experience. Also, as a senior engineer, as someone who needs to teach and impart his knowledge, the key point here isn't the tool. It's usually the ability to configure the tool. A lot of the most of these tools allow you to say what type of issues you care about or don't. There should be errors or warnings per file per module, per directory, per whatever. And these are more than just personal preferences. If I configure my tool to ignore synchronization issues, it's not me alone saying, yeah, I don't care about synchronization issues. This is a codable way of me to transfer the notion that this is a simple utility library. We don't care about synchronization issues here because we don't have enough context to do so. We don't know where we are being called. A caller needs to do this. And by configuring these tools, I again, share this knowledge with my junior, junior colleagues, and practically with people who are going to use this library too. Once you kind of get over this hump and stop thinking about these tools is just how I'm how I make the code better. Once you start thinking about them in the sense of how can I share knowledge, how can I offload mundane tasks off of me and have someone better do them, someone better being a computer. There are a world of tools out there. Far past these three categories I discussed. For anything and everything for spell checking, which is kind of obvious, we all grew up using spell checkers. Not enough of us do this in code. Have you ever had a blocker bug on the last day of the release because someone had a typo somewhere in an error message? Yeah. So million lines of code. 40 minutes before we are supposed to release one blocker bug about data corruption. Someone else will handle that. And the typo and an error message. Absolutely no reason to have these. Licensing if you want to make sure that all the third parties you use and all the third parties they transit transitively use have compatible license to what you want to do. There are good tools that do that. Accessibility. Things are good talk about. Unfortunately, right now in a different room. But do you make sure all your images have alt text for accessibility issues? I never remember to do that. But I have a tool that helps me. Top end to the point. Security issues, which is kind of what I'm doing nowadays. Security is very interesting field, which frankly, not a lot of people get properly not a lot of people get at all. Those who do a lot of them do not get it properly. Those who don't get it properly will usually brag how the software is secure because they did X, Y, Z. And of course, I have no idea what they're talking about.  Let's have a tool do this. And so on and so on and so on. Basically, if you can think of anything, mundane, repetitive, which a computer probably can do better, a computer can do better. And the probably already is a tool for this. And if there isn't, please go right one. Please ping me up afterwards. I'm always happy to contribute to such projects. One of my pet peeves in my free time. Well, so I can't finish this without the obvious lesson. Never believe anyone presenting in the conference. We're all liars. I said I won't talk about specific tools. I will. The one tool I just have to mention is editor config, just because that's so awesome. So editor config is an open standard, which allows you to really easily configure how you want your source code to look with regards to tabs, spacing, new lines, position of brackets, etc, etc. It supports any programming language I can think about. Any reasonable ID supports us. For those of you asking, yes, VI and VIM are IDEs. They both support editor config. So either natively or with a plugin, I can't imagine an editor nowadays doesn't that doesn't have a plugin for this. So you just it takes about 10, 15 minutes to write a config file, just check it in with your source code. From that point on, anyone checking out a project, no matter what he's using, he or she is using will format the code the same way.  But it looks quite in the clips. Are you opening it in IntelliJ? Come on. It's not 1995. We should not have this argument anymore. Problem solved. This is the one tool I will specifically and explicitly talk about. One last lesson or one last point I want to make is there's a proverb about the early bird getting the worm. And in our context, the earlier we give this feedback as anyone who's done a team lead training or something awful like that will know the earlier you give the feedback the better. Earlier in our context is the earliest possible in the development cycle. A lot of these tools will integrate into your ID. And if I can write my code and as I'm writing get warning saying, hey, look, you should have done this. Hey, look, this is a problem. This is great because I'm already writing my code. I'll just fix it as I go. I don't need to think about it. If you can't do that, at least have your tools run in your local build. So I can write the code, run the local build, make sure it's okay, then submit my patch. If you cannot, even if you can do that, the next level of feedback is unsubmitted patches. And again, regardless if you're running Traverse or Circle CI or Jenkins or a little gnome who executes things, doesn't matter. And so this way, I submit my patch and get back some feedback. Hey, look, you failed to unit tests, your indentation is wrong, blah, blah, blah. Even if you do have all of these in your local build, please, please, please leave them in the CI also developers or horrible people. I know I am one. If I write code and some tool prevents me from compiling it. Chances are, depending on how much coffee I had today, I'll just remove the tool from my local build instead of fixing it. So please, please, please have this in your CI regardless of if whether it's available or not in the local build. And of course, if you don't do that, you can always fall back to running stuff periodically or nightly, which is not a bad idea, but doesn't really, doesn't really have the same effect. I won't name names here, but I used to contribute to an open source project which had a release every quarter, give or take. And once a quarter, we would all get an email saying, okay, we are about to release in two weeks, we run, we ran find bugs on our code. Here are the 260 errors. Here are all the issues with licenses, et cetera, et cetera. If any of these look familiar, please fix them. Two months after I submitted a patch, I have absolutely no recollection of what I did, no way to correlate errors to code. What usually happens is some poor sub usually me ends up once a quarter going through tons of errors created by other people's code and trying to fix them without having any idea what he's doing. This is awful, please do not do this. So I've covered quite a lot of grants here. Chances are you won't remember any of this. People usually remember one sentence from a session if the presenter is lucky. So there's really just one thing I want you to take away from this. As software engineers, as senior software engineers, as we progress, our job becomes not only to make the code better, but to make the other developers around us better. If you think your job starts and finishes with the code, you are wrong. Luckily, we can use the skills we have as developers to help us with this new job, even if it isn't just about a code. With that, I'll open the floor to questions. It's not a question, but just a remark. I've been lead of projects for 10 years, and we have about 30 different developers going in and going out. We just two years ago started discussions about coding styles, etc. We found that just having discussions helps quite a lot, because there were some frictions we didn't know about, people that didn't want to touch other people's code, because it was that person who uses British English, I use American English, etc, etc, etc. And just having those discussions help quite a lot just to have everything on one plane if it's possible. But sometimes we just have to say, okay, we can't agree on this than different developers have to do different styles. But I think quite a lot of people are just scared of having discussions, because it's like everyone has to do their style. But sometimes it's actually possible to agree. Okay, so I'll maybe refraise something I said earlier. I'm all for discussion. I'm all for communication. Having discussions is great. The problem with ease is they don't scale. It's great to have this discussion and decide we use British English or tabs or whatever. It doesn't make sense to have this discussion every single time a new developer joins. So we kind of got to a point and now a new developer joins and says, Hello, I like tabs and I'm going to write in Australian English. Why? Because we just can't keep on having these. We need to reach a consensus documented in a way that will actually fail you make you make process. And then it's kind of obvious. You don't get into these discussions on why we're using British English. No, use British English. You will see for yourself the code just does not build if you do anything else. Let's stick with that. Can you say the takeaway again? So the takeaway for me is one sentence. Our job as developers isn't just to make the code better. It's to make the developers around us better. That's one sentence. Okay, so with that, I will thank you for your time and enjoy your lunch. Thank you.


Welcome back. It's been a somber mood here for the course and our incredible guest, Lucy, is brave enough to share her very devastating story. She survived it all. Defilement ran away and took off from FGM, domestic violence, and guess what? She chose to become a hero and she is doing it as she heals. She's also healing others and we can't do much but applaud her here on the nest because it's just incredible how people should be told and reminded no matter what you go through, you have to rise out of it. But we always need help like the one, our special special guest who is our expert of the day will take us through in terms of the mental and psychological effects of such things. Before that, please introduce yourself to our people. Thank you, Maureen. My name is Julius Gutari. I'm a Cassie psychologist with the Kenya Association of Professional Cancerals and I'm in charge of the training department. Yes. It's always lovely to have you with your big smile. I wonder if you ever have moments like us like, let me take a breather. You know, on a light note, you know, the doctor has to see a doctor. Yes. Do you see yourself? I always go for agri-subervations to avoid the cancerous burnout. Yes. That's what gives me the state power. Absolutely. Otherwise, the emotional drainage is too much. Yes. I also grab her down. Absolutely. You're human at the end of the day. Very, very. Yes. And I look because I feel it every time I do my interviews. I go home so drained. I can only imagine for someone like you because there's an expectation to fix and it's not an overnight. And those expectations are unrealistic. Yes, unrealistic. Anyway, I'm sure you've heard of Lucy's incredible story. Correct. From a young girl, she just looks like a fighter and she's been a fighter. She's still very young, but it's unfortunate about what she went through. She was defiled by a person she could have trusted as a father figure having lost her dad and then now dealing with it. And she explained of her coping mechanism and one of them was defiance whereby she was saying I couldn't listen to anyone. And then the other one was finding love, which is always like, you know, you never know what it is because no one teaches you. And in her case, it's very special because she didn't get that motherly love, fatherly love, right, going through domestic violence. And then here we are with this amazing lady saying, look, as I heal, I will carry everybody with me, both men and women who are going through close to what I went through or even worse. Right. So jumping right into it, what happens when a person just looks at a child and when I say, when we're discussing this issue, I want us to think of both the boy and the girl because I'm a mother of boys and I've been aware of the fact that boys are not immune to defilement or rather to sexual assault. Correct. And it scares me so much.  And it's just a motherly instinct. Sure. And again, in law school, we came across all these issues and it's so unfortunate. But psychologically, let's talk about the person who, the defender. What goes through such a person's mind? Thank you, Madam Maureen, for this gesture. Yes. Before I go to that, I want first of all to congratulate Lucy. Yeah. She's a true heroine. She is. Thank you. And I want to appreciate and congratulate her for that unifying beauty of her heart. Yes. That even the midst of those turmoil that's still come out as very unique and especially underpocket to talk about these taboo things. Yes. Which has been culturally accepted as a normal way of life. You know? So, and also coming from the culture whereby FGM is part of the past of our cultural identity. Right. Then definitely I want to congratulate her. She has done, explored. Congratulations. She has. And I wish you success in your endeavor. I ask you to make noise. Let us make noise like the amount of NTSA. Yes. Yes. And we'll be here to support you. Yes.  Do not. Yes. Yes. And actually this is not about the case of Maureen. Yeah. And she's just an exception now. Yes. But not Maureen who has gone through this. Yes. Sorry, not Rusea who has gone through this. Yes. Sorry for that. It's okay. Many ladies have gone through the canteen. Yeah. They have been burdened and butchered by life circumstances and the mercy of very innocent protectors. I'm not saying that. Like you are putting them. Yes. And actually people who defile. Yes. The young children because defilement is for young children and not to sleep. So people who defile this innocent children like Lucy at the age of six years.  Yes. These are the people that even the mother cannot even think. It's true. It's even a thought of defining a child who can come to them. They are the most trusted people ever. Yeah. And that's now when whatever they do is the material of the highest level. Yeah. Now as for the case of Lucy, three challenges have been picked from now this time that she has undergone a significant thrust of losing that. Yeah. The protective figure. The protective figure. Yes. And the mentor. Yes. The security of the coach and everything to her. And the being a girl. You know, the dance and the girl, whatever the relationship. Very, very good. Yes. Yeah. Now that's just undergone through a significant thrust in her life that she require help. And the pressure that's just on the eating journey. Actually those tears are not a symbol of weakness. Yes. The indicator of the healing process. Yes. The value of tears. Yes. Just on the journey, which is very important. Yes. She has been traumatized. Yes. Is a very strong, very big wood she has gone through, which is both physical and psychological. Yes. And so the capture, now the emotional dimension that I'm coming to talk about. Mm-hmm. And the number three also, she has also made herself jumpy from the fire because of now the domestic violation she has gone through. Sure. This compound now everything. Yes. And it's become a very, very challenging thing. But in her story, in her narration, I've captured also something like a psycho. Yes. Her mom. Yes. Learn away from the marriage. Yes. Similarly, she also took off when she was put in a corner where she could not remove herself. True. So she, in the healing process, she required to be handled in all those dimensions. Yes. And so now memory, let's talk about now somebody who has become a victim of this kind of a situation. Mm-hmm. Now, beginning with now the rape, that's all the defilement. Mm-hmm. And defilement first and foremost, what it has done, it has, it has shuttered her interpieces. Mm-hmm. First of all, she could not be able to voice it out. Mm-hmm. Why? These are confident. Yes. She could not. Yeah. Number three, number three, where she's coming from, the culture. She doesn't have a say.  So woman. She's a woman. Yeah. And the threat of silence. Yes. Yeah. And so as a result, I want to hang on to that. She has not even developed depression. Mm-hmm. And she has also not committed suicide. I want to hang on to being, having somebody that kind of want to. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It is this flower which has been eaten by the wall. Mm-hmm. And at the same time, somebody come and they cut the binding. Snip it on top. Yeah. And they mutated it. Yeah. But the beauty is that the threesome. Yeah. The, the, the, the trunk has not been approved. Yes. Yes. I agree. And it's good now to be a very, very sprouting trunk. Yes. Yes. So in terms of the psychological devastation. Mm-hmm. When somebody has gone through that, there is this kind of a sense of despersonization. Sometimes I don't know that she has reached a point of feeling whether am I really the one or it is someone else who thinks that happening. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There is this point of depersonalization. Mm-hmm. There is also the aspect of being sometimes, because of what happened, she can develop a state of, of don't care. Mm-hmm. This don't care now make her to be very promised course. Mm-hmm. Let me put the promised course in quotes. Yeah. Yeah. Because now of what she has gone through. Mm-hmm. So nobody can also engage into alcohol and the drug abuse as a way of learning from the psychological pain. Mm-hmm. So she get the best counselor who is in drug and sometimes abuse to escape. Mechanism. To escape. Yes. But remember escaping is also been a problem. Yes. And if she never got also a helper. Yes. Sleep disturbances the end of the day. Oh yeah. Like human. If they disound us like anorexia nervosa or ombrymia nervosa can be a challenge for a case. Mm-hmm. So also is now developing the male chauvinism. No man appeal to her. That's true.  So that is male chauvinism. Mm-hmm. And I hope that is not the reason she has come up with this kind of an organization. Mm-hmm. Because it can be a psychological reaction to the pain she went through. Mm-hmm. But with the journey of the healing process that she's through. Mm-hmm. So she can hate men. When gone she didn't develop the hatred for men because she got married. Yeah. So that dimension has shook up so much so strong enough. Yeah. I want to congratulate her. Yes. And similarly now her future. Mm-hmm. If she has progressed academically and she has performed very well. Yeah. Is the favor of God is a grace of God not because whatever. Yeah. So somebody get devastated in all those dimensions. Mm-hmm. And now they become careless. Mm-hmm. Sometimes they develop depression. Mm-hmm. Sometimes they become very, very irritable. Mm-hmm. And many times every time they see the image of a man it takes them, it flashes back. It takes them down. Somebody was happy all of a sudden. It's like a ball that has been deflated. Mm-hmm. Of the energy. Mm-hmm. And then there is the visit with the drone. Mm-hmm. And that being alone again is not something very, very, very, very, very good. Mm-hmm. But I want to appreciate Lucy because if she was able to voice it out, it is the mind that has found itself. Yeah. And it is very, very, very, very important. Mm-hmm. This is early day we can also have a lot of problems in marriage. Not because the spouse is bad, but because every time even the spouse wants to become intimate, the mind goes back to the perpetrator. Mm-hmm. And this can even cause conditions like vaginismus. Mm-hmm. Why? Because she can't function sexually well. Yeah. Because of this, the injury she has gone through. Mm-hmm. And so, and then the problem with the Africa is that when somebody like that happened, when she developed a condition like vaginismus, we don't want to understand is a psychological condition. We want to attach witchcraft to it. You remember a kamute. A kamute is just our mental composition which is not functional because the injury she has gone through. Mm-hmm. So, it can also make her to be a very, very brutal spouse in a relationship. Mm-hmm. She leases just quarrels from nothing. There's no apparent because. Mm-hmm. But she always gets a reason for quarrels. Okay. So they can bring a challenge. Mm-hmm. And maybe something, maybe to wrap up that before maybe is this issue about now the mom taking off. Because also the marriage is not very, very, very productive. There is a challenge when somebody has gone through the kind of a situation to also start attracting other scavengers that the spouse you get is also somebody, you get attracted to the same dysfunctional people because now like the spouse she also started now doing exactly what was happening to her mom. Mm-hmm. So it becomes now a cycle. Mm-hmm. A cycle. Mm-hmm. And so intervention is very, very, very important. Okay. Yes. Okay. I hear you and I can see the connection of the trauma. Mm-hmm. And the reactions. Yes. That a person will partake. Correct. Should, for instance, the coping mechanism. Mm-hmm. And I could hear a lot of things that Lucy was mentioning. She was indicating herself. Mm-hmm. We didn't go into the details of how ex-partner, but you see, does any of these sound familiar? Like are there things you're like, hey, that was me. That was me. You know, even for your own recognition, because sometimes we don't forgive ourselves and we label ourselves thinking there's something wrong with us. But in reality, sometimes it's good to hear that it's normal to have reacted towards some circumstances. Did any of that sound familiar? Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Because even then when I was in marriage, there were times I didn't want to talk to my partner. Yes. I would even go silent for a week without no reason. Right. Yeah. And I would even cry. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Each and every morning I would wake up, especially when I was now pregnant. Mm-hmm. Wake up and start crying. Yes. And then after he has gone to work, I'm okay. Right. Yeah. Yes. Other things you have talked about. Actually, I went into depression. Mm-hmm. I had to use antidepressants. Mm-hmm. And one thing that made me to come out, I remember there was a time I almost killed my kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know. I felt that they were making noise for me. Mm-hmm. And then I felt that I was struggling. Mm-hmm. The mother and neighbor had to rescue them. Yes. That's when I realized I was not so crying. Yes. Yes. And I had issues with Yes. sleeping until now. Mm-hmm. I have not like... Automatically fall asleep. Yeah. Yeah. I usually have a pattern. Mm-hmm. Once I interfere with it, I can't sleep. Ah, see. Yeah. Yeah. When I go to sleep, I have to either switch off my phone Okay. Or put it away. Yes. Because if someone calls me and they had only slept for 30 minutes. That's the end. That's the end. Until the following day. Right. Yeah. Right. And another thing, I felt that was much okay with me. Mm-hmm. When I have just small like stress. Yes. Are you all right? Yes. Yes. Yes. It's coping. Yes. Yes. These are some of the things. And then there are times that I felt, now before I started this healing journey. Mm-hmm. There's a time I felt like, you know, I didn't want to even to have male friends. Yes. Near me. Yes. I felt like they were the problems in all the things that we got. Yes. But now that is changing. Yes. And I didn't like attending social events. It's not that I'm trying to do that. Yeah. I used to, I wanted to stay with my kids in the house. I don't want to associate with people. Right. And then I was a social media addict. Yes. Something I'm trying to do. Yes. To get so on. Yes. So I would spend even 20 hours on social media. Yes. Just wanted to see what people are talking about. But I don't want to be in real life. Yes. I don't want to associate with people. I understand. You wanted something to attach yourself on without really showing up. Yes. Right. And again, I'm taking a few things out of this. Very important. Some of the things I'm taking out of it is I think even when we are marrying our spouses, when we are dating, and this also goes to you young people. If you feel like someone is irrational, they're acting a certain way, one of the things I think we need to normalize is asking questions.  And we cannot self-diagnose, but it's good to be aware. And anyway, that's why we have a show like this so that we can hear from an expert like you. We can hear from a survivor like Lucy and also even someone at home would think, oh, wait a minute, maybe my wife could have gone through something and maybe that's why she acts the way she does. And the truth of the matter is a lot of our childhood traumas, extreme horrible cases like Lucy's or that abandonment or rejection, it's manifest itself in future. I know because I went through abandonment and I found myself also attracting the kind of people who are exactly like the person who abandoned me. And until I dealt with it, everything turned around and it's the change begins with you. And what you're doing, Lucy, is so incredible, your life will literally never be the same. And now it's good to also maybe this is going to be our last aspect and I think it's a very important conversation which I've been trying to really get you to touch on. But Lucy, may I ask how old are your babies? One is almost 11 years and the other one is turning in October and hopefully boy, girl, girl. Both girls. Both girls. Yes.  Have you do you struggle with the fear of somebody doing the same thing to them? Yes. Before I came out to talk about this, I think I was a toxic mom and my family had met. They were even I was shouting to them and maybe didn't realize something that right now I'm seeing with my first born because maybe she picked it from me. Yes. She's there's some moments that I feel she's shouting to her young sister something I'm trying to correct and something she picked from me and I'm overprotective Yes. Something that when I'm around I don't want them to go away somewhere that they cannot see them. You cannot control the circumstances. I have to watch their every move. Yes. I'm very overprotective with my kids I don't allow them to go somewhere that I'm not sure where they are going. If they are going somewhere then someone that I trust. I don't think like I trust many many people to be around my kids. Yes. Especially at a delicate age because like your young sister around the same time there's unfortunately circumstances happened so because we're about to wrap up maybe you can just in two minutes tell us ideally as parents what we should watch out for what we should tell our children so that they're able in case anything happens I started a long time ago and I've told my boys nobody should touch them in various places and we revisit every week has anyone touched you here you need to tell my in case anything happens I know that and in as much as I can build that wall there are times many hours a day I'm not with them when they're picked up by the school van when they go to visit their friends but I think this is the aspect of empowerment but I'd love to know what are the things we should tell our kids so that a little girl like little Lucy or little Lexie like mine will be like you know like child language what can we tell them so that they're able to communicate with us parents or the caregivers yeah thank you Maureen yes and again as you want to appreciate Lucy yes and maybe to let my sister Lucy to know also over protection is not parenting it's not the right way of parenting because you're only addressing your need for mistrust that you're having what is there is that parenting is supposed to be 50-50 sharing so that's why you need to be engaged in this now for the young children remember they are different from us in terms of communication so they don't have enough language to express themselves so one way to and they are really modeling a lot from us one way to be able to communicate to them is first of all in the house to have an open dialogue the house should not be a military camp and together remember it's only the parents the children are objects they must be freedom to for the children to hear their views and as they are hearing their views you perceive they speak it to you that's another recommit another agent speaking to you so don't see them as children and for them to tell you you shouldn't be on the same level so you don't stand anybody who is bigger than a child that's a giant needs to go down it's true if possible when you are there they want to read with you very well then create time because and today because you are career spouses to us have about that minute with your children that's more than enough that's a minute and during that time if they are young do even body search do body investigation what's going on don't know so do body search especially when they are very very young then don't shout at the children sure don't shout and this print is derived from the Latin one disciple which means learning through instructions children are learning through instructions so don't shout if the station between the spouse and the wife don't bring it in the presence of the children wait for the children to sleep then you can now jump on one another if you have if you have the jumping time so safe space safe space then watch they are play because now that they can talk with you they always play with the toys watch when they are playing with toys like if this child is picking the doll and speaking to one doll you have pinched your ears you need to know that that is exactly what the environment is talking to her they are now acting true see the kind of play they are engaged in when you see a child probably with your travelling bag they are opening it and entering inside they are telling that I saw a dirty person in a coffee that's why they are most interested see their acts and then also allow them to have to draw see them give them a piece of paper let them draw and let them explain to you what it is what it depicts because that's the language for the children they are to their opinion and whatever they tell you trust true whatever they tell you trust because they are the expert of their life and they are very innocent so they don't have the capacity to make up things perfect yes so if we do that then if things if we cannot be able to raise that kind of a situation then also let us seek expert help help over and above our house helps when they come before we hand them over the house to take care of our children we need to do that orientation actually you know some day they are coming on Sunday and their money is about to be the office is at 7 so we didn't get time for orientation true our house doesn't need to be orientated then also let the children know that the only person with access to their body yes it's only the mom actually it's only the mom true because some parents are also suffering from from paraphernalia it's true is the mom and this mom should be such a trusted mom that even when you learn the secret from the children you don't go to the to the public because even children have got their own image to protect so when you do that things will be okay and also remove that aspect of being an authoritative character figure and when the dad is tough let the mom become when the mom is the descendant of the family let the dad become so that when they trouble from one other parent they can get security from the neighborhood then also learn about your neighbors know the neighbor because sometimes we almost enter the same door but you don't know your neighborhood know their children and know how they are doing don't say that these have come here welcome them receive them very well they might tell you secret which you don't know about your child I agree thank you so much absolutely and anyway the community raises the children sure and I think that's such amazing wisdom because it's instilling the empowerment sure so lastly Lucy where can people find you and what's the name of your organization I am all over social media Instagram Facebook I use Lucy Oisiko okay and also the name of my organization back in my Gory County it's called Me For High Empowerment Me For High Empowerment Me For High Empowerment Me For High Empowerment it is I have a page on Facebook also I'm in another organization here in Nairobi when I'm not in Korea here participating with them in Nairobi it's called RUKA initiative yes and they can get me through people who want to yes to book an appointment with me or someone has an issue want to talk about their their goals through the same thing with me they can reach me through 07 15 56 37 7 2 wonderful yes great thank you so much for joining me thank you for this my heart has been thumping I didn't realize how much everything took a toll on me because I'm also speaking as a parent I'm speaking as a woman in the society who has a voice and every time I sit here even when I interview my guests I'm also learning I learn a lot and thank you so much for honoring us with your presence thank you great so guys you here I think I cannot add anymore in terms of protecting our kids from these monsters because we are not going to sugarcoat it here let's empower them let them know that you are their friend and little Lucy would have had a place to run to but she did not have it and she is around our kids as we check again this unfortunate issue let's do the right thing also and let's check who is you know even in the neighborhood and eventually we're going to make the world a better place and a safer place for both boys and girls Tomoka Kofi Africa thank you for hosting us thank you my amazing crew behind the camera and thank you fashion clinic for dressing me thank you strands and curls hair for making my hair so beautiful thanks to me for this makeup totally kidding but yes but until next time do have a lovely night take care of yourselves be safe and remember it's okay to feel how you feel and it's good to accept and acceptance leads to healing


This is stock number 9247A. We are here at Summit Automotive in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin checking out this super clean 2013 Ford F-250. This truck has a 6.2 liter V8 motor. From this HD video you'll be able to tell just how clean this truck is all the way around. Factory fog lights, front valance is an excellent condition. This has Michelin 27565R20s and they are on the factory alloys with the chrome covers. These tires look like they have about 60% of the tread left. I'd see the frame and underbody is an excellent condition, has the factory chrome step bars, it's two-tone paint scheme, green gem metallic over the adobe. Front grille is an excellent condition, I didn't see any chrome peeling or anything like that. The hood is an excellent condition, I didn't see any dents or dings on that. Passenger side rim and tire is an excellent condition as well. We shoot all of our videos in 1080p so if you have HD capabilities on your computer tablet or smartphone device turn them on now because it's like you're right here next to the truck looking out with me. Didn't see any dents or dings down this side of the truck, very very clean. You can see the cab is an excellent condition, that green gem metallic, really good looking color. Very clean down this side of the truck, the back rim is an excellent condition as well and the back tires, they look like they have maybe just a hair bit more than the front tires do for tread. Frame and underbody is very very clean, it's like that all the way underneath. You can see it has all the remaining factory exhaust, lower rockers are in excellent shape and it does have the factory chrome step bars. Chrome tipped exhaust, rear bumper is in really nice condition, didn't see any major dents or dings on that. Four pin seven pin wiring, receiver hitch, backup sensors, has the locking tailgate also has the backup camera, has a spring and bed liner along with a bed mat, fifth wheel bed rails and a seven pin wiring. Has the tailgate step assist back here as well. You can see just how clean that tailgate is, no dents or dings on that and as you go down this side of the truck, just as clean as the passenger side, we want to make sure you get the most accurate representation of the vehicle as possible so that when you get here, there's absolutely no surprises because you'll have watched a five minute video, looked at over 30 photos and know the truck inside and out. Inside the Lariat package gives you the tan leather interior, there are no rips or tears on these seats, both of these seats are heated and cooled, has the power scope mirrors which they power fold in like so and they also power telescope out, has the memory driver's seat and the Sony sound system, power windows, power locks, has the auto headlamps and power pedals. Inside you can see that this truck has 32,965 miles, you get the leather wrap steering wheel, cruise controls and information center controls on that side and on this side you have your Bluetooth and audio controls. This one has the My Ford Touch radio, you also get AMFM serious satellite radio capabilities and you get your heated and cooled seat buttons right there, can connect to your Bluetooth phone and you also have your entertainment where you can hook up a USB jack. Turned out four-wheel drive, six-speed automatic transmission, stability control, factory brake controller for upfitter switches and dual climate control. This is also where your backup camera shows up and your power sliding rear window control is right there. Headliners nice and clean, it does have side current airbags, passenger seat is absolutely perfect, no rips or tears on that. This truck smells extremely clean inside, don't think it's ever been smoked in and you also have a 110-150 watt plug-in right here so that's an actual plug-in and of course the sync system which allows you to connect to your Bluetooth cell phone device. We'll take a quick look at the back seats and then we will check out under the hood. Back seats are just as clean as the front seats, no rips or tears back here, also has the power sliding rear window with the built-in rear defrost, another 110-150 watt plug-in back here and then we got factory floor mats and carpeting is really nice as well. Lockable storage bin back here that locks with the ignition key and if we go in the back here you'll see that it does have the factory subwoofer which comes with the Sony sound system and you got latch tether anchors in the back. Take a quick look under the hood, mirrors are chrome trimmed as well and under the hood we have the 6.2 liter V8 motor and Jamea is very clean, runs very smooth. This truck has been fully safe and inspected by our service shop, has a fresh oil and filter change, all the fluids have been checked and topped off, truck has been gone through mechanically 100% and is 100% ready to go. To see more pictures of this truck or one of our other 400 new and used cars, trucks, SUVs, minivans, Wranglers, half tons, recorder tons, one tons, you name it, we got to go to our website www.summitauto.com. Full pictures and descriptions of every single vehicle on our lot, videos of every single used vehicle that we have all at summitauto.com. Thank you so much for checking out my video, if you like it, want to make this truck yours, give us a call right now<PHONE_NUMBER> for one of our sales associates to make this truck yours today. Once again that number is<PHONE_NUMBER>. Thank you so much for checking out the video, if you want to check out more go to youtube.com slash summitauto. Remember to like, subscribe, and share on those videos and this video. In fact in a second you'll see a link to subscribe to our YouTube channel on your left, a link to more heavy-duty truck videos like this one on your right and if you haven't been to our website on the bottom, a link to this truck on our website, click those check us out and we look forward to helping you with this super clean Ford F-250 crew cab short box. Thanks again.