That concludes general questions. The next item of business is First Minister's questions. I intend to take some constituency-in-general supplementary after question 2 and some after question 3. Members wishing to add such supplementary should press their quest to speak buttons during question 2, and I'll keep a note of members who press and may take further supplementary discussion at the end if we have time. Members and members wishing a supplementary question on question 4 to 6. 1. Douglas Ross Thank you, Presiding Officer. Every day in Scotland, four people lose their lives as a result of drug misuse. That's four lives every day cut needlessly short. Families mourning the loss of loved ones. Every single day in Scotland. This is a crisis. It is a national shame. The longer we wait, the longer we fail to act, the more lives will be lost. People are looking to this Parliament to deliver the solutions to halt this crisis and save lives. Today I published the Scottish Conservatives' right to recovery bill to guarantee everyone who needs treatment for addiction can get it. I shared it earlier this morning with the First Minister. In June, she said that she would look with an open mind at any proposals that are brought forward, including proposals for legislation. Will the First Minister commit to her Government fully supporting her proposal to tackle Scotland's drug death crisis? I will certainly repeat what I said before. When there is a bill, we will look at that very carefully. I have received the consultation this morning. I have an open mind on that. Just in point of fact, unless I am mistaken here, Douglas Ross, as I understand it, has not published a bill this morning. Indeed, the consultation that was sent to my office states that at this stage there is no bill, only a draft proposal. I am not criticising that. It is important that legislation is properly consulted on. We will consider the proposals in the consultation. As and when that develops into actual proposed legislation, we will consider that in detail. In addition to that, perhaps it is a point of agreement. I think that speed of action is now essential. We all know that legislation takes time to go through the proper processes. Having looked briefly at the document that was sent to me this morning, it does not appear on the face of it to suggest anything that goes beyond what we are already doing, although it suggests that those things should be enshrined in legislation. If I take, for example, funding, part of the consultation regards the establishment of a new national funding scheme separate to ADPs. However, it does not appear to be suggesting additional funding. For example, it says that what is proposed is well within the £50 million annual spending already being delivered. We will continue with the action that we have set out. We will continue to take that action. I do not think that it is right to wait for legislation. I repeat again that we remain open minded to looking at the details of legislation when that comes from the consultation that has been published today. The First Minister will be aware that I am going through the very detailed process of the non-government bills unit. I am following the advice of parliamentary officials, which I am very grateful for that they have provided to me and the party. On the issue of funding, we know that the money that is currently being spent on that issue to try to save people's lives is not getting to those who need it most, which is why we are saying that there are alternative ways to do it. I hope that the First Minister continues to be positive in her response to the consultation and the legislation that comes forward. Earlier this week, the First Minister proposed that we go on a joint visit, and she knows that I immediately agreed to that offer. A key author of the bill and his colleague, the manager of Blue Vale Community Club in Hag Hill, have suggested that the First Minister and I visit them to see the need for a right to recovery. Volunteers at the club pointed out that it is in the second most deprived area in Scotland. People in places such as Hag Hill are 18 times more likely to die from drugs than people in the most affluent areas. Blue Vale is trying to build a whole community and a whole systems response to the drugs crisis. That bill would help them to get even more lives back on track. Will the First Minister agree to a joint visit with me to Blue Vale so that we can find some common ground and get around the table with those on the front line to hear why that bill is so desperately needed? I will come to that point directly in a moment, but can I complete the point that I addressed in my first answer? I was not, and I think that I said explicitly that I was not criticising the process that Douglas Ross is going through. In his initial question to me, he said that he had published a bill this morning, and I simply was making the point that that is not the case. So we will consider the consultation, we will consider that fully and with an open mind, and then when that is translated, as I expect it to be in the fullness of time, into an actual bill, we will consider that in the normal parliamentary processes that all legislation goes through. I do have an open mind, and I hope that we can find maximum common ground. I suspect that there will continue to be issues that divide us on the correct responses to the drugs crisis, but I hope that none of us in this chamber allow those issues to get in the way of the areas where we can build agreement and consensus. On the issue of a visit, I am glad that Douglas Ross accepted my suggestion earlier in the week that we go together to a working-class community. My office will be in touch to take that forward shortly. I am certainly willing to meet organisations and individuals, as I have previously affected by drugs misuse. Of course, and I think that this is an equally important point, Presiding Officer, and I hope that it is one that will be accepted by Douglas Ross. The issues that are faced by working-class communities go beyond drugs. Indeed, drug misuse can, in some cases, be a symptom of deeper issues—poverty, for example. I am sure that Douglas Ross will agree with me that, if we are to undertake such a joint endeavour, it will also be important to meet, for example, those who have just had their universal credit withdrawn, driving them deeper into the poverty conditions that sometimes lead to the other issues that we are talking about. I look forward to finalising the details of that. I look forward to meeting with people who will, no doubt, have things to say about Scottish Government policy, about what we are doing, about what more they think we should do, but also people who are being deeply affected each and every day right now by UK Government policy that is doing a lot of damage in working-class communities the length and breadth of the country. I am grateful to the First Minister for that answer, and I give an unconditional acceptance to meet any community anywhere at any time, because that is an issue of national importance. I am raising the issue about drugs deaths today because of the consultation that I have brought forward. I know that the First Minister has said this a couple of times. If I could just lay a bill right now—I think that it is just important that everyone understands this—if I could lay a bill right now, I would, but the non-government bills unit, which the Parliament supports, sets out a very specific process for those not in Government to go forward with. However, we have heard from the drugs minister and others within the Government that they were waiting to see our proposals. Our proposals are in the consultation document that was launched today. The bill has been built by front-line experts, such as Favour Scotland. It has the backing of recovery groups across the country. One of those is a really serious issue, because I was saying that what we are putting forward has been backed by recovery groups across the country. One of those is recovery enterprises in Kilmarnock. The founder, Mark Gallagher, says that people have, and those are his words, given up trying to access treatment because they see the system as broken. That is why he believes that we need to take forward the proposal that I have launched today. Will the First Minister listen to those experts and, instead of delaying any longer, commit her Government to backing our bill at stage 1 so that Parliament can properly scrutinise, because the First Minister's concerns seem to be the lack of scrutiny? By saying right now that she would approve our proposals at stage 1, we would give Parliament the opportunity to look at them in detail. First Minister, I am genuinely trying to be helpful and to build some agreement here. I have said twice that I understand the process that Douglas Ross is going through. My comments are not meant to be a criticism. I would simply ask him, in return, to understand that the proper and due process any responsible Government has to go through in considering legislation. I cannot engage with a bill that does not yet exist for the reasons that we have heard. We will engage with the proposals in the consultation. I, having looked at it briefly already this morning, would immediately welcome that, for example, when it comes to treatment, the consultation seems to recognise that we need a range of different interventions and services and that there cannot be a one-size-fits-all approach. I think that that is a welcome step forward from the Conservatives, who have previously appeared to suggest that the only residential rehabilitation was a solution. Already, I can see the emergence of some common ground. I genuinely want to treat that with the respect that it deserves. Equally, Douglas Ross must know that I cannot stand here and say, carte blanche, that I will vote for a bill when, by his own admission, for understandable reasons, the bill does not yet exist. Let us try to move forward here with a genuine determination to build consensus where we can. The last point that I would make is one that I made earlier. There is a real need here to move forward at pace with the best will in the world, and I think that we are demonstrating this here today. Legislation takes time, and it takes time for good reason. I do not want to wait for legislation. However, merited legislation may or may not turn out to be, I do not want to wait for that. We have set out a very detailed plan of action backed by significant additional resources that has, as its heart, guaranteed standards of treatment, including access to same-day treatment. We are going to get on with that. If we think as a Parliament that legislation can help to underpin that in the future, as I have said many times, I am open minded to that. However, if we want to build that consensus, let us both understand the processes that we have to go through in order, hopefully, in the interests of people across the country that we can get there. Douglas Ross. That is a fair comment, but stage 1 of a bill is agreeing the general principles. The First Minister has already looked at some of the principles that we are putting forward. She has already looked at the issues around funding. She has already looked at the areas where there is agreement. Although there seems to be opposition from her back benches, I am more encouraged by her response than I have heard from those behind her, because our proposal is also supported by grieving families. If SNP members want to talk about grieving families, then shame on them, because I want to give a case about Vicki. Vicki has lost two brothers to drugs. She lost Stuart just last year. He was a father of twins. He was only 43, and Stuart came from a loving family. Vicki said that he tried to get treatment, but, and I quote her words, he was moved from pillar to post. He was passed about the system. He was treated like he didn't matter. Vicki is backing our proposals. She can't know for sure that it would have saved Stuart, but she told us, if we had this bill, I wonder how many people would still be here. The First Minister was absolutely right to say that we have to move forward at pace. Will she listen to the experts, the grieving families and the proposals that we are bringing forward and ensure that there is urgent parliamentary time given to consider the proposals on such an urgent issue? I am genuinely trying not to make this exchange a politically divisive one, because I think that we all agree. We perhaps don't agree in all of the detail of this. We certainly don't necessarily agree on all of the background to this, but I think that we do agree that this Parliament, and I certainly accept that this Government has got much work to do. Let me try and make some progress here. I can't agree to vote for a bill that doesn't yet exist, because I don't know what that bill in detail is going to say. On the look—I only received the consultation this morning—I have had the chance to have a brief look at it. I will study it in more detail. However, if the broad proposals there translate into the general principles of a bill, I think that it would be likely that we would want to give that bill a fair wind through Parliament to see whether, on the detail, we can reach consensus. I think that any reasonable person, when we are talking about a bill that is not yet in existence, would think that that is not an unreasonable response for a First Minister who has a duty to make sure that we go through all the right processes to give. I hope that we can agree that that is a reasonable starting point. On the fact that we have a duty—I feel very strongly—to make sure that what has not worked well in our drug treatment services in the past is rectified for the future, we have an obligation to make sure that we are listening to lived experience and that we are using that lived experience to drive proposals to my condolences. My sympathies are with Vicki and the loss of Stuart and with every other family that has lost someone to drugs. They are the ones that we must keep in mind, but part of keeping them in mind and part of living up to our responsibility to them is making sure that we are thinking seriously about what has to be done and that, as we are considering, because we are demonstrating today in the time that it takes, understandably, to even get a draft bill before Parliament that legislation takes time, that we are moving on with various things now. That is the commitment that the Government has given and will continue to take forward. I just seek clarification, Presiding Officer. My objections when Douglas Ross was speaking for a sedentary position were that he seemed to be trying to bypass the Northern Government of Wales unit processes, which we all have to go through, which is a proposal consultation that a bill laid. I seek clarification from his exchanges. Is Mr Ross trying to bypass the other members who have to go through? I thank Ms Graham for her point of order. The member and other members will be well aware of the processes that a bill has to go through and that will apply in this case, as it would to any other bill. I take Anna Sarwar, question number two. Two years ago, I stood in this chamber and reviewed what brave NHS whistleblowers had uncovered about water contamination at the Queen Elizabeth University hospital in Glasgow. It was met with denial, delay and attempts to build in silence by the health board. Two years on, we have had a discredited independent review, a case note review, the commencement of a public inquiry and on-going police investigations. Every step of the way, we have had to fight the system to bit by bit, piece by piece, uncover the truth. Thanks to the case note review, we know that two children's deaths were linked to hospital infections. There is now a criminal investigation into one of those deaths, Millie Mayne, but the health board only referred Millie's case to the Crown when Millie's family applied for a fatal accident inquiry. They did not take the opportunity then to refer the second child and did not take the opportunity when the case note review was published. I met with the Crown, they did not know the details of the second child and had to ask me to provide those details. Again, thanks to the bravery of whistleblowers. That case note review was commissioned by the Scottish Government. Why was not that child's death reported for investigation? First Minister, those are really serious matters that the Government has and continues to take seriously. The Government commissioned the independent review. I do not accept that it is a discredited independent review, but the Government also accepted that there had to be further process in order to ensure that parents and families affected by what had happened at the Queen Elizabeth hospital was fully and properly investigated. This Government established the public inquiry, which is now under way, and that inquiry will take its course and is completely independent of Government and, of course, of Greater Glasgow and Clyde health board, as Anna Sarwar has also said. There is a live police investigation into some of the cases that have been discussed in this chamber before. For all of those reasons, it would not be right, appropriate or indeed helpful to the family's concern for me to get further into the detail of any of those cases, given the independent processes that are under way. However, I want to leave no one, as I have done before, in any doubt about how seriously I take those issues, how seriously the Government takes those issues and how determined we are through the processes that we have established in the form of the public inquiry to get to the answers, to get to the truth, and then all of us, as a Parliament, will have the opportunity to reflect on those findings and consider what further action is necessary. Anna Sarwar, I thank the First Minister for that answer, but I think that she misses a fundamental issue here, which is that this is still campaigners, families and whistleblowers having to take on the system to get answers rather than the system working in their favour, because at the heart of this are grieving families. We know that one of the families hadn't been told the truth about why their child died and hadn't been contacted. The First Minister gave this chamber a personal commitment to every effort that we made to contact that family, so I would appreciate an update on progress with that. However, there is a fundamental issue here. In one case, Millie's family is fighting for answers. They now have a criminal investigation into her death. The other family has been kept in the dark, and up until now there has been no criminal investigation into their child's death. Those cases shouldn't be treated differently. It shouldn't take a family publicly fighting for answers. That's not acceptable. There should have been criminal investigations launched into both deaths as soon as the circumstances became clear. Why, First Minister, is it still falling to whistleblowers, families and campaigners to the job of the health board and the job of the Scottish Government for them? I simply don't think that I have the greatest respect for whistleblowers, I have the greatest respect and obviously the greatest of sympathy for the families, and I would absolutely not hesitate to say that. I go again to the point that I made earlier on. It was this Government, it was the previous health secretary, Jeane Freeman, who commissioned and established the public inquiry. The public inquiry is now under way. There are criminal investigations under way. It is not up to me what cases are investigated from a criminal perspective, and rightly that is not up to me. That is up to the police and the Crown Office. I know, and again, just as in the previous, it is important to try not to divide on these issues, but to recognise the actions in this case of Anasawa. I know that he cares deeply about the families involved here, and that's why I also know that he will recognise—at least I hope he recognises—that the worst thing that I could do, standing here as First Minister right now, in light of the independent processes that are under way, a statutory public inquiry, and criminal investigations, would be for me to, in any way, inadvertently prejudice either of those processes by getting further into the detail of that right now. We've done what I think is the right thing to establish the independent inquiry. It is entirely for the police and the Crown Office to determine what criminal investigations are undertaken. I think that it is incumbent on all of us who take those issues seriously, who want to get to the answers here, that we allow those processes to take their course. Of course, when we have the findings of them, this Parliament will have not just the opportunity but a duty to reflect on any further action that is necessary. I know that the First Minister didn't give an update on the progress in finding the family. I would appreciate that in response to this question, but I think that she is also missing the fundamental point, that it should not take a family having to campaign in a newspaper in order to get a child's death investigate. That is fundamentally what has happened here. The reason why Millie Mayne's death is being investigated is because of the bravery of Kimberly Darick to go on to the television and speak in a newspaper about what happened to her daughter. The other family does not have the opportunity to do that because they do not know what happened to their child. That cannot be a reason not to have a criminal investigation into that child's death. Months ago, I asked the First Minister to help to find the family, and years ago, I asked her to hold the health board to account. Every time we ask them to take action, little happens. Every bit of progress has been fought for by the families and the campaigners. I know what she says about the public inquiry. That public inquiry was hard fought and won by the families and the campaigners, frankly, not by the Government. Nicola Sturgeon was health secretary when the hospital was commissioned, she was First Minister when the hospital was opened and has been in charge throughout this scandal. Surely there must come a point when it stops being whistleblowers, families and campaigners taking on the state in order to get answers, and instead the state takes the side of the whistleblowers, families and campaigners to find the answers and get justice, because we cannot wait for the outcome of the public inquiry for families to get justice. That could take years. Words of sympathy from the First Minister are, frankly, wearing thin. What is it going to take for Nicola Sturgeon to take responsibility, own this crisis, get a grip of this rotten health board and get the families, the truth and the justice that they deserve? First Minister, before I go on to that question, I apologise for not addressing the point about the efforts to trace the second family. The last time I was asked about this, I set out the steps that the health board had taken to try to locate the family. I have not located the family, as I absolutely understand that that is not for the want of trying and effort, and appropriate steps will continue to be taken. This is a fundamental point of constitutional democracy. It is not up to the First Minister of the country at any time, whoever he or she may be, to determine what cases are and are not subject to criminal investigation. It would be deeply improper if that was the case. On the question that I was just posting again, a Government that has established a full independent statutory public inquiry cannot be said to be a Government that is somehow trying to hide away from getting to the truth. We want the answers in order that if there are issues to be addressed with the health board, they can be addressed. If there are issues around Government policy, they can be addressed and fundamentally so that the families, the most important thing of all, get the answers that they want. However, it is not credible for Anas Sarwar to say that a public inquiry was fought for in campaign for, and I accept that, although the Government did establish the public inquiry, and then in the next breath just to say, well, it doesn't matter, we can't wait for that, we have to somehow do something different. This is an independent statutory public inquiry. Those who have a genuine interest in getting to the answers in the truth now have a duty to allow that inquiry to properly do its work. That is what the Government is going to do, and I would suggest that that is what Anas Sarwar needed to do as well. The First Minister will be aware of the Prime Minister's outrageous and condescending response on the Andrew Marshall and others regarding the cull and incineration of pigs, which should have gone into her food system. Does she agree with me that this waste is unacceptable, as is the financial and emotional toll on the farmers involved, and that having a robust supply chain is completely undermined by a lack of a trained workforce? Yes, I think that it was deeply regrettable that the Prime Minister treated the very serious issues of animal welfare with such disdain on Sunday, just as I think it was outrageous that he made an entire speech to his party conference yesterday and did not mention the fact that, on that very day, his Government had taken away £20 a week from the poorest families across the country. In terms of the specific issue that Jim Fairlie raises, the Government is monitoring this very carefully. At the heart of it are labour shortages, which are impacting on many sectors of our economy. Those labour shortages have been significantly exacerbated by the ending of freedom of movement that came about because of Brexit. We will do what we can through employability and skills work to try to address that, but fundamentally the answers and the solutions have to lie with the UK Government. I would call on them to take urgent action to make sure that those problems that are being experienced already do not get even worse as the winter progresses. There have been long-standing issues with mental health treatment in my region. It is therefore troubling to learn of reports of inappropriate admission of children under 18 into adult psychiatric wards. First Minister, it is vital that young people with often complex needs get the help that they need and deserve. Therefore, what action will the Scottish Government put in place to address those failings? It is important that everybody who needs mental health treatment gets that treatment in the best possible setting. That is particularly important when we are talking about children and adolescents. The Government is already taking a range of actions to further develop community wellbeing services for children and young people, and, for example, to provide funding for councillors in schools so that there is much earlier intervention for young people and that more of them do not require the services of more specialist provision. There is a range of work under way here that we will continue to progress with additional funding over the months to come. Yesterday, an employment tribunal upheld former police officer Rona Malone's claims of victimisation against Police Scotland. The judgment was damning. It found that the firearms unit in which she served was an, I quote, absolute boys club, and the culture was horrific. It also found evidence provided by officers from the professional standards department, the department responsible for investigating complaints within the police as implausible and wholly unsatisfactory. I am sure that the First Minister, like me, has huge respect for the work that police do, both locally and nationally. However, I am concerned that the experience of Ms Malone is not unique. In recent years, I have been approached by female officers raising issues regarding culture, out-of-hours behaviour, deployment rotors and equipment. There are complaints often being lost in a system that is difficult and stressful to navigate, ultimately leading to those officers resigning from the force rather than pursuing their complaints. I know that Rona McLean has spoken to her, so I ask the First Minister to join me in commending her for her bravery in pursuing her complaint. In light of the Sarah Everard issues, does she feel that there is a need for a fuller investigation and inquiry into the culture and practice within Police Scotland regarding sexism and misogyny? First Minister, can I take the opportunity to pay tribute to Rona Malone and to say how deeply troubling I think the findings of the tribunal were? I would commend her bravery in taking that case. The findings, though, do paint a picture that should trouble all of us. I think that it is really important that, in confronting those issues, as we all must do, we do not consider that any case like this is necessarily an isolated incident. Secondly, we do not assume that any organisation in our society, however well respected that organisation is by all of us, is somehow immune from the misogynistic culture that pervades our whole society. The findings of this tribunal must be taken seriously, and I welcome the response of Police Scotland yesterday to accept the findings and express its seriousness in addressing those issues. More generally, though, this is a further reminder, and there have been too many painful reminders of this in recent weeks, that, on the spectrum of unacceptable experiences on the part of women—and it is a spectrum that goes from inappropriate comments through to discrimination in the workplace, through to violence and serious sexual assault—behind all of the experiences on that spectrum lies unacceptable behaviour on the part of men. That is the problem that has to be addressed and rectified. I am old enough and have seen, like all women, at some stage of that spectrum. I have experienced this over the years. I do not say that lightly because it has taken too long to get to this point. I hope that we are finally at a watershed moment and at a turning point where we stop expecting women to fix those problems. We put the full glare where it belongs on men who behave in a deeply unacceptable and misogynistic way. I would say to all men in this chamber and all men across the country challenge it if it is on the part of other men that you know. Challenge your own behaviour and then let us collectively, as a society, turn the page and turn the corner so that women can live free of the fear of harassment, abuse, intimidation, violence and, in the worst cases, death. To ask the First Minister when the cabinet will next meet. I am very grateful for that reply. Muscle spasms, chronic fatigue, diarrhea, air hunger to the point of gasping for breath. Figures released today show that 79,000 people in Scotland are now living with long Covid. It could be the biggest mass disabling event since the end of the First World War. The Scottish Government's initial intervention could only help 60 people a month, which is why the much delayed long Covid plan that was published last week should have been transformative. However, I have spoken today with the constituent who suffers from long Covid. He was, in his words, devastated to discover that nothing has changed. I have warned before that people with the condition are better off moving to England where there are well-established clinics in a care pathway and nothing in this document will match that. Long Covid Scotland has been trying to meet the health secretary, but he has refused them at every turn. If he hasn't met them, how can he possibly know what they need? Will the First Minister either meet them herself or instruct her health secretary to do so at the earliest possibility? I believe that the health secretary has met long Covid patients and I am sure that he would be more than willing to meet others. That is a serious issue and one that we are going to be living with the impact of for some time. I am not going to comment because I am not an expert on the arrangements south of the border. I suspect that they do not always live up to how they are talked about here in some of the detail, but that is another matter. We have published the long Covid strategy that Alex Cole-Hamilton refers to. There are 16 different commitments in that. All those commitments are backed by a £10 million funding commitment. Part of that is to further our understanding of the reasons for and the implications of long Covid so that the services that are then developed are properly addressing that. There is nothing to stop health boards establishing specialist provision right now, but what we also want to do is make sure that, through all of the more generalist NHS provision, clinicians are capable of addressing the impacts of long Covid as they are presented. Again, that is a serious issue now, and it is going to continue to be an obligation on the part of government, which is why the commitments in that paper are so important. I call Bob Doris. I call Peter Larrs and the Scottish Homes by February 2022. Is the First Minister aware that several retailers are still serving the previous generation of smoke in Peter Larrs, which cannot be interlinked and cannot meet the new standards that are being brought in? Does she agree with me that such stores should be clear with customers about the February 2022 regulations ahead of any purchase being made? Can I ask if there will be any support for homeowner struggling to pay for the cost of installing such smoke and heat alarms? You heard enough of the question. I think so. I apologise to Bob Doris. I missed the start of the question. The sound could not be heard here in the chamber, but I think I got the general thrust of it. Those are obviously important issues ahead of the expected demand for smoke alarms ahead of 1 February next year, when the new standard is due to come into force. There is significant public interest because of the public awareness campaign, but we do know that some retailers may have short-term supply issues. We have been assured by manufacturers that there is a sufficient supply of alarms available to meet that expected demand. We will continue to consider whether there is more that we need to do to support homeowners, be compliant with that standard and take a range of actions should we consider that that is necessary. However, the public awareness campaign was important in making sure that people have that increased understanding of what will be expected as of 1 February next year. A report published by the Crown Office Procurator Fiscal Service for Scotland reported 33,425 charges of domestic abuse in 2020-21. That suggests on average 91 incidents of domestic abuse every day in Scotland, the highest level since 2015. That is only the number of reported cases. I know that the First Minister has taken interest in this unacceptable situation. If she agrees that the Scottish Government needs to review policies currently in place, will she investigate the establishment of family violence courts? We will consider any reasonable proposal. I know the new Lord Advocate who, as people will know from, her background has a strong interest in ensuring that victims of domestic abuse and women who are victims of male violence get appropriate and speedy access to justice. I know that she is keen to ensure that all the Crown Office policies and procedures are helping to ensure that that is the case. We have commented on the underlying driving reasons for domestic abuse and violence against women and girls, but where women and girls experience that. While some men experience domestic abuse and it is important to recognise that, the majority are women. The justice system responds appropriately. The numbers, while they are deeply troubling—anybody being victims of those crimes is deeply troubling—we have to remember that increases in numbers may mean that people now feel more able to come forward and support those crimes, which is something that we should welcome. Of course, the Parliament, to its great credit, passed a new law making certain behaviour that was not previously criminal in terms of coercive and controlling abuse. We have to bear those things in mind when we are looking at the numbers, but making sure that people have access to justice is an important part of the overall approach to reducing the impact of domestic abuse and violence on women. Question 4, Christine Grahame. To ask the First Minister, in light of this being libraries week, what the Scottish Government's response is to reports that some libraries remain closed? Libraries week is an opportunity to celebrate the contribution libraries make to our communities. A small number of libraries across the country have not yet reopened after the Covid closures. There are a number of reasons for that, including the fact that some are still being used as Covid test centres, some are co-located within schools or, in some cases, there is a requirement for refurbishment before reopening. However, I hope that most of the others will reopen soon. I can say, though, that of the 481 libraries across Scotland, 432 of them are open as of Monday, and a further 24 have announced reopening dates that will be forthcoming. Well over 90 per cent of all libraries across the country are already open, and that is something that we should welcome. In the programme for government, we announced a £1.25 million public library Covid support fund, which is intended to give local authorities and libraries support in getting open again and staying open, because libraries are a vital and integral part of communities across our country. I thank the First Minister for a detailed response. Many libraries are indeed open, though some are reduced hours, including in Midlothian, South Tweedale and Lauderdale. Does the First Minister agree with Pamela Tulloch, chief executive of Scottish Libraries and Information Council, who administers that welcome 1.25 million libraries recovery fund targeted at libraries and areas of deprivation? That helps, but part of the problem has been the council's understandable redeployment during Covid of staff elsewhere. Does she agree with me that, as we move out of Covid, full staffing of libraries should again be possible and, therefore, all libraries are fully open? Yes, I agree with that. It is important. I think that everybody recognises or everybody who has been reasonable recognises the impact of Covid, not just in libraries but on many of the other services that local authorities deliver. There is a period of getting back to normal, of reconfiguring services that had to be reconfigured going into Covid. It is important that libraries can fully reopen, unless there is a very good reason and a need for refurbishment, for example, or being used as a test centre when that cannot happen. Libraries are important to give young people in particular access to books. It was access to a library that fueled my own love of reading. When I was younger, that is vitally important. However, libraries are used for many other things as well. It is important that community provision is there, which is why, in Glasgow, where my constituency is, the vast majority of libraries are open again. That is welcome, as is the case across the country, but it is important that we support councils to get the remaining ones open as quickly as possible. To ask the First Minister whether the Scottish Government will review the implementation date for changes to allow parents to defer their child's start at primary school. Entry to school can be deferred if a child is not yet five on the first day of primary school. Not all deferred children are yet automatically entitled to a funded place in early years education. However, we have introduced new legislation to guarantee funding for early learning and childcare during any deferred year. That legislation will come into force from August 2023. That is on a timetable that has already been approved by Parliament. There are no plans to change this timetable because it has been developed in partnership with COSLA so that it is realistic and achievable. In the meantime, we have already committed £3 million to fund five authorities to deliver in 2021-22 as part of a pilot programme to support wider roll-out of that commitment, and the Minister for Children and Young People will shortly announce additional pilot authorities for 2022-23. Despite legislation being approved by Parliament, parents are still being refused the right to defer their child's school start. Indeed, the Scottish Government has opted for a child approach, meaning that it has become a postcode lottery where a council will grant permission for a child to start school one year later. School deferrals were not even mentioned as part of the Scottish Government's recovery plan. First Minister, why has the full implementation date been delayed until 2023 and will the Scottish Government commit to bringing that date forward so that all parents have the same rights to make the best possible decision for their child's education? On the issue of the August 2023 implementation date, I appreciate that the member was not in Parliament when that was agreed, but that implementation date of August 2023 was agreed by Parliament on 3 February 2021, and unless I am mistaken, it was supported by all Conservative members of Parliament at that time. The reason for that is a pragmatic one. We have to work with COSLA to make sure that that date is achievable and that it is deliverable, and that was the consensus that was reached and, as I said, backed by Parliament. Along the way, we are piloting, as I said in my initial answer, a number of local authorities to deliver on that commitment and to support the wider roll-out. I understand that parents want that to happen straight away and I understand the reasons for that, but we are doing this in the proper way so that it is deliverable, it is properly delivered and all children, when we get to that implementation date, should they want to defer or should their parents want to defer their entry to primary school, we will have that right. To ask the First Minister what the Scottish Government's response is to the announcement that the SQA has entered a two-year agreement with the Equality and Human Rights Commission to improve equality's practices after the commission established, the SQA was not routinely assessing the impact of its policies and practices against the three needs of the public sector equality duty. The education secretary met the chief executive of the SQA earlier this week and impressed upon her the need to deliver against this section 23 agreement. The EHRC's findings referred to historic emissions at the SQA. Learners can be assured that all required equality impact assessments regarding the awarding of national qualifications over the past two years were completed and published indeed by the SQA and the Scottish Government. I welcome SQA's action plan and their commitment to completing outstanding equality impact assessments for all of their current policies and practices with 28 new equality impact assessments already published since August. Martin Whitfield. I am grateful. The First Minister spent the whole of the last Parliament telling us that it was education. Education was her number one priority. One of the causes of the attainment gap she claims her government are working so hard to close is infamously inequality. So can she tell me if it was her absolute priority, why did she never think to ask her an education governing body were they looking at the question of equality? I would expect the SQA in all bodies, whether they are government agencies or otherwise, to have quality at the heart of everything that they do. That has been impressed upon the SQA, as I said, in my opening answer. As I also said, this finding of the EHRC refers to historic emissions. Over the last period, since the current chief executive was appointed, any new SQA policy or practice that has been introduced has been subject to an equality impact assessment in line with duties under the Equalities Act. The SQA is right now to go back and make sure that that applies to all current policies and practices, and the Government expects them fully to do so in line with their action plan.


It's one of those special times when we get to do a giveaway because I have reached 750 subscribers Okay, not quite yet as of recording But I am so close that I am sure that by the time I give this away I will be at 750 subscribers. So we're giving stuff away. Yeah, I got 750 subscribers. Oh, yeah, I'm happy now Yeah That's a special one for someone who asked her for me about the jazz hand thing a while back Okay, so the rules are the same as last time So for those who are here before you can skip this section and go on to the next part of this video For those who haven't done one of my giveaways before these are the rules number one. You got to be subscribed It's a subscriber giveaway. You gotta be subscribed come on pretty simple number two please like the video number three comment below and tell me what your favorite video of mine is so far fun twist is there a number four think there was last time but I'm forgetting what it was come comment like subscribe I mean those the biggies you give me that kind of love I'm gonna give you all kinds of love because I love that but I'm more serious so I know really on a serious side I gotta say I am so grateful that the channels continue to grow and you guys are really happy with my content and you like what I'm doing I mean makes me so happy hmm and I did I mean there's only so many ways I can say gracias thank you but yeah man I mean I'm just so grateful for all the support and I'm I can't say I can't I can't express it in words the word that will come because it's just it's so awesome to be able to keep doing this channel and have people watching it and growing it and finding new things to talk about and I'm just loving it so you guys keep watching I'll keep making stuff let's move on to the next part of the video which is shout out number one is to Heather's weird garden weird Heather's garden I think it's weird Heather's garden I'm gonna show it down here one way or another I'll get it right she's cool she does all videos about her garden and different things about gardening their latest video is on how to save cilantro slash coriander seeds did a video about growing cucumber indoors that I liked check her out weird Heather's garden garden Heather weird channel number two in the garden we are continuing the garden theme hey of course we do we do lots of garden stuff here too so in the garden has videos about garden stuff has videos about their cat and some other interesting things like basket weaving so fun fun fun for everyone go check them out in the garden thank you for not having a tongue twister making it easy on me this time channel number three is ashes treasure homestead and gardening treasure homestead and gardening I don't think she talks about treasure her in particular she's not a treasure hunter she does more sleep talking about her garden and homestead and stuff so lots of garden videos lots of cool stuff channel number four is midlife mama midlife mama with a W midlife mama so she's a really cool lady she basically does just lots of different vlog videos about her life she does some reviews and stuff and videos about where they're going to different places really cool lady fun and her husband shows up in the videos a lot too so he's cool to check them out midlife mama last and certainly not least I'm going to a different direction we're going musical Melania bra Monty hopefully I'm saying this right Melania bra bra bra bra Monty so she posts a whole bunch of videos about her covering various songs so channel is musical like I said she's so it's all the songs about her covering other other people's songs her last one was on Katy Perry's I kissed a girl cool song she does a good job so go check her out if you like hearing somebody who's a good singer and has a good accompanist with her and just play some good music but that's it for the shoutouts I hope you all enter my contest of course I'm going to be giving away some interesting things and maybe I should give away some tea this time oh maybe we'll save that for a thousand I'm going to keep you guessing it'll be seeds or it'll be tea what shall it be elect the mad scientist shall let you know later so I'm gonna give you guys like I did last time a nice full week to enter the contest it's a week enough week and a half so we're releasing this on Sunday we'll give you until the following Sunday one week to enter one week to rule them all one week to find them and know how to bind that together with Lord Lawrence anymore so that's it for me today please be kind to each other and everybody have a fabulous week


Hello everyone this is financial author Amit Dam of Aeron Journal. Today I will show you how to properly destroy a parade card so that scammers or con artists are not able to extract valuable information from your cards. If you are interested to learn how various investment internet parade card scam works please visit www.aeronjournal.com. I have a variety of articles under life money smart tip section and these articles will help you to recognize and prevent various types of scams and protect your money and everything else. Thank you. Hello everyone this is financial author Amit Dam of Aeron Journal. Today I will show you how to properly destroy a parade card. When you are about to get rid of old parade cards or expired parade cards instead of just throwing them out or putting them in the garbage you need to properly destroy them so if the scammers or con artists get a hold of them they are not able to extract the information from the parade card or from the cheap and replicate the parade card to scam you in order to do that or in order to properly destroy your parade card you need to cut them into pieces but at the same time you need to be careful that you're cutting your cutting or you're destroying the parade card numbers which are right here and the chip where all the information is stored if the scammers can get a hold of this piece or this chip you never know what they're able to do so it's better to be careful than sorry and also you need to cut your name or destroy your name so today in this video I'll show you how to do that if you see if you look at the card you'll see that I have drawn some red lines what it means that these are the lines you need to cut and if you just follow these lines it's going to cut all the vital information or destroy the information which are stored on your parade card for example this line right here let's start like this so you're gonna cut the number in such a way that the number are not readable anymore so this way you're cutting them into half okay now you're going to follow each line and here is where usually your name would show make sure that you cut it such a way that your name is no longer recoverable from the destroyed card and then start cutting the chip I'll just cut this part of broken chip into another part anyway okay so now if you if you take a look at it the card is completely destroyed and the chip portion of the card is broken into pieces now although I'm confident that it's gonna be very hard or almost impossible to extract any information from these broken pieces however just to be over sure I'll not put them in one garbage so what I'll do I'll take each piece and put it into separate garbage is possibly on different dates or let's say if I go out then I'm gonna take this with me and I start putting okay sorry I believe I got cut off in the middle so I'm doing this part again so I was saying that just to be over sure I would put each pieces into different garbage is that way the scammers or con artist are not able to get hold of everything together and piece them together just to be over sure now if you're worrying about the magnetic strip on the back I just wanted to make sure that following the method I just mentioned to destroy create card would also destroy your magnetic strip on the back because it will cut them into pieces so it shouldn't be it should be almost impossible to piece things together so whenever you are destroying your crate cars instead of putting them into garbage or throwing them somewhere just make sure that you follow this process to destroy them completely the scammers and con artists have high tech devices and they're easily able to extract information from your crate cars if it goes into the wrong hands so just to be safe and secure you need to destroy everything that's all for today thank you


Ballad No. 31 of the Bab Ballads by W. S. Gilbert Read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman Temporar Mutantua Letters, Letters, Letters, Letters, Some that please and some that bore, Some that threaten prison fetters, metaphorically fetters such as bind insolvent debtors, Invitations by the score, One from cogs and wiles and railer, My a-turn is off the strand, One from copper-block my tailor, My unreasonable tailor, One in flags, disgusting hand, One from Ephraim and Moses, Wanting coin without a doubt, I should like to pull their noses, Their uncompromising noses, One from Alice with the roses, Ah, I know what that's about. Time was when I waited, waited for the missives that she wrote, Humble postman execrated, Loudly deeply execrated, When I heard I wasn't fated To be gladdened with a note. Time was when I had not have bartered Of her little pen-a-dip for a peerage duly Garded, for a peerage stardant-gattered With a palace office-charted or a secretary-ship. But the time for that is over, And I wish we'd never met. I'm afraid I've proved a rover, I'm afraid a heartless rover. Quarters in a place like Dover tend to make a man forget. Bills for carriages and horses, Bills for wine and light-cigar, Matters that concern the forces, News that may affect the forces, News affecting my resources, Much more interesting are. And the tiny little paper With the words that seem to run from her Little finger's taper, They are very small and taper, By the tailor and the draper Are in interest outdone. And unopened it's remaining, I can read her gentle hope, Her entreaties uncomplaining, She was always uncomplaining, Her devotion never waning Through the little envelope. End of Ballad No. 31, Temporar Mutantua, From the Bab-Ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballad No. 32 of the Bab-Ballads by W. S. Gilbert. Red for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. At a Pentamime by Abilius One. An actor sits in doubtful gloom, His stock-in-trade unfurled, In a damp funereal dressing-room In the theatre-royal world. He comes to town at Christmas-time, And braves its icy breath, To play in that favourite pantomime, Harlequin, life and death. A hoary-flowing wig, His weird unearthly cranium-caps, He hangs a long, benevolent beard On a pair of empty chaps. To smooth his ghastly features down The actor's arty-cribs, A long and a flowing padded gown Bidex his rattling ribs. He cries, Go on, begin, begin, Turn on the light of lime, I'm dressed for jolly old Christmas In a favourite pantomime. The curtains up, The stage all black, Time and the year nigh sped, Time as an advertising quack, The old year nearly dead. The wand of time is waved and low, Revealed old Christmas stands, With little children chuckle and crow, At laugh and clap their hands. The cruel old scoundrel Brightens up at the death of the olden year, And he waves a gorgeous golden cup, And bids the world good cheer. The little ones hail the festive king, No thought can make them sad. Their laughter comes with a sounding ring, They clap and crow like mad. They only see in the humbug old A holiday every year, And handsome gifts and joys untold, And unaccustomed cheer. The old ones, palsy'd, blear and whore, Their breasts in anguish beat. They've seen him seventy times before, How well they know that cheat. They've seen that ghastly pantomime, They've felt its blighting breath. They know that rollicking Christmas time meant cold and want and death, Starvation, poor law-union fair, And deadly cramps and chills, And illness, illness everywhere, And crime and Christmas bills. They know old Christmas well, I wean, Those men of ripe and age. They've often, often, often seen That actor off the stage.  They see in the cup he waves on high A tinseled emptiness. Those aged men, so lean and wan, They've seen it all before. They know they'll see the charlatan But twice or three times more. And so they bear with dance and song And crimson foil and green. They wearily sit and grimly long For the transformation scene. End of ballad number thirty-two At a pantomime by a billious one From the Bab ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballad number thirty-three of the Bab ballads by W. S. Gilbert Read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. King Boria Bungally Boo. King Boria Bungally Boo was a man-eating African swell.  Four subjects and all of them mailed to Boria doubled the knee. They were once on a far larger scale, But he had eaten the balance, you see. Scale and balance is punning, you see. There was haughty pish-tush-poo-bar. There was lumbering doodle-dum-day, Despairing a lacquer-day-ah, and good little tootle-tum-tay, Exemplary tootle-tum-tay. One day there was grief in the crew, For they hadn't a morsel of meat. And Boria Bungally Boo was dying for something to eat. Come provide me with something to eat. A lacquer-day, famished I feel. Oh, good little tootle-tum-tay, Where on earth shall I look for a meal, For I haven't no dinner to-day, Not a morsel of dinner to-day. Dear tootle-tum, what shall we do? Come get us a meal, or in truth, If you don't we shall have to eat you, O adorable friend of our youth, Thou beloved little friend of our youth. And he answered, O Bungally Boo, For a moment I hope you will wait. Tippi Whippity told the Rallu Is the queen of a neighbouring state, A remarkably neighbouring state. Tippi Whippity told the Rallu She would pickle delishously cold, And her four pretty Amazons, too, Are enticing, and not very old. Twenty-seven is not very old. There is neat little titty-full-day, There is rollicking-troll-a-roll-a, There is jocular waggity-way, There is musical-dough-ramey-far, There's the nightingale-dough-ramey-far. So the forces of Bungally Boo marched forth in a terrible row, And the ladies who fought for Queen Lou prepared to encounter the foe, This dreadful insatiate foe. But they sharpened no weapons at all, And they poisoned no arrows, not they. They made ready to conquer or fall In a totally different way, An entirely different way. With a crimson and pearly white dye They endeavored to make themselves fair. With black they encircled each eye, And with yellow they painted their hair. It was wool, but they thought it was hair. But the forces they met in the field, And the men of King Boria said, Amazonians immediately yield, And their arrows they drew to the head, Yes drew them right up to the head.  But rollicking Trella-ralla, Tapped a lackaday-ar with her fan, And musical-do-re-mi-far, Said Pish, go away, you bad man, Go away, you delightful young man. And the Amazons simpered and sighed, And they ogled and giggled and flushed, And they opened their pretty eyes wide, And they chuckled and flirted and blushed, At least if they could, they'd have blushed. But Houghty Pish-tash-pubar said, Alacaday, what does this mean? And despairing Alacaday-ar said, They think us uncommonly green, Ha-ha, most uncommonly green. Even blundering Doodledum-day Was insensible quite to their leers, And said good little Tootletum-tay, It's your blood we desire, pretty dears, We have come for our dinners, my dears. And the queen of the Amazons fell To borrow a bungally boo, In a mouthful he gulped, With a yell-tippy-whippity-tolderalloo, The pretty queen-tolderalloo.  And rollicking Trellerallah Was eaten by Doodledum-day, And musical do-ray-me-far By good little Tootletum-tay, Exemplary Tootletum-tay. End of ballad number thirty-three, King Boria Bungally Boo, From the Bab-ballads, This recording is in the public domain. Ballad number thirty-four Of the Bab-ballads by W. S. Gilbert, Red for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. The Peri-winkle-girl. I've often thought that headstrong youths of decent education Determine all important truths With strange precipitation. The ever-ready victims, they, Of logical illusions, And in a self-assertive way They jump at strange conclusions. Now take my case, As sorrow could my ample forehead wrinkle, I had determined That I should not care to be a winkle. A winkle, I would oft advance With reddiness provoking, Can seldom flirt and never dance, Or soothe his mind by smoking. In short I spurned the Shelley-joy, And spoke with strange decision. Men pointed to me As a boy who held them in derision. But I was young, too young by far, Or I had been more wary. I knew not, then, That winkles are the stock-in-trade of Mary. I had not watched her sunlight blithe As o'er their shells it dances. I've seen those winkles almost writhe Beneath her beaming glances. Of slighting all the winkly brood I surely had been cherry If I had known they formed The food and stock-in-trade of Mary. Both high and low and great and small Fell prostrate at her tootsies. They all were noblemen, And all had balances at cootsies. Dukes with the lovely maiden dealt, Duke Bailey and Duke Humphrey, Who ate her winkles till they felt exceedingly uncomfy. Duke Bailey greatest wealth computes, And sticks they say at no thing. He wears a pair of golden boots And silver under-clothing. Duke Humphrey, as I understand, Though mentally acuter, His boots are only silver And his under-clothing pewter. A third adorer had the girl, A man of lowly station, A miserable, groveling earl Besought her approbation. This humble cad she did refuse With much contempt and clothing. He wore a pair of leather-shoes And cambrick under-clothing. Ha-ha! she cried upon my word, Well, really, come, I never! Oh, go along, it's too absurd! My goodness, did you ever? Two dukes would Mary make a bride, And from her foes defend her. Well, not exactly that, they cried. We offer guilty splendour. We do not offer marriage-right, So please dismiss the notion. Oh, dear, said she, that alters Quite the state of my emotion. The earl he up, and says, Says he, dismiss them to their orges, For I am game to marry The quite regular at St. George's. He'd had, it happily befell, A decent education, His views would have befitted Well, a far superior station. His sterling worth had worked a cure, She never heard him grumble, His saw his soul was good and pure, Although his rank was humble. Her views of earldoms And their lot all underwent expansion. Come, virtue, in an earldom's cot, Go, vice, in dukel mansion! End of Ballard No. 34 The Periwinkle Girl From the Bab-Ballards. This recording is in the public domain. Card No. 35 of the Bab-Ballards by W. S. Gilbert Red for Librivox.org by Graham Redman Thompson Green and Harriet Hale To be sung to the air of an horrible tale. O list to this incredible tale Of Thompson Green and Harriet Hale, Its truth in one remark, your son, Twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twam! O Thompson Green was an auctioneer, And made three hundred pounds a year, And Harriet Hale, most strange to say, Gave Piano forty lessons at a sovereign a day. O Thompson Green, I may remark, Met Harriet Hale in Regions Park, Where he, in a casual kind of ways, Spoke of the extraordinary beauty of the day. They met again, and strange, though true, He courted her for a month or two. Then to her par, he said, says he, Old man, I love your daughter, And your daughter worships me. Their names were regularly banned, The wedding-day was settled, and I've ascertained, by dint of search, They were married on the choir to St. Mary Abbott's Church. O list to this incredible tale Of Thompson Green and Harriet Hale, Its truth in one remark, your son, Twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twam! That very same afternoon, They started on their honeymoon, and, o astonishment, Took flight to a pretty little cottage close to Shanklin Isle of White. But now, you'll doubt my word, I know, In a month they both returned, And lo, astounding fact, This happy pair took a gentlemanly residence In Cannonbury Square. They led a weird and reckless life, They dined each day this man and wife, Pray disbelieve it, if you please, On a joint of meat, a pudding, And a little bit of cheese. In time came those maternal joys Which take the form of girls or boys, And strange to say, of each that one, A tiddy-iddy daughter and a tiddy-iddy son. O list to this incredible tale Of Thompson Green and Harriet Hale, Its truth in one remark, your son, Twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twam! My name for truth is gone, I fear, But monstrous, as it may appear, They let their drawing-room one day To an eligible person in the cotton-broken way. Whenever Thompson Green fell sick, His wife called in a doctor quick, From whom some words like these would come, Harriet missed some endom-horsters In a cochlearium. For thirty years this curious pair Hung out in Cannonbury Square, And somehow wonderful to say They loved each other dearly in a quiet sort of way. Well Thompson Green fell ill and died, For just a year his widow cried, And then her heart she gave away To the eligible lodger in the cotton-broken way. O list to this incredible tale Of Thompson Green and Harriet Hale, Its truth in one remark, your son, Twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twaddle, twam! End of ballad number thirty-five, Thompson Green and Harriet Hale, From the Bab ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Board number thirty-six of the Bab ballads by W. S. Gilbert. Read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. Bob Polter Bob Polter was a navy, And his hands were coarse and dirty too. His homely face was rough and tanned, His time of life was thirty-two. He lived among a working clan, A wife he hadn't got at all, A decent, steady sober man, No saint, however, not at all. He smoked, but in a modest way, Because he thought he needed it. He drank a pot of beer a day, And sometimes he exceeded it. At times he'd pass with other men A loud convivial night or two, With very likely now and then On Saturdays a fight or two. But still he was a sober soul, A labour-never-sherking man, Who paid his way, Upon the whole a decent English working man. One day when at the Nelson's head, For which he may be blamed of you, A holy man appeared and said, Oh, Robert, I'm ashamed of you! He laid his hand on Robert's beer Before he could drink up any, And on the floor with sigh and tear He poured the pot of trepony. Oh, Robert, at this very bar A truth you'll be discovering, A good and evil genius Are around your nautil hovering. They both are here to bid you shun The other one's society, For total abstinence is one, The other in a briety.  The monster's salient points to some, His heavy breath was portery, His glowing nose suggested rum, His eyes were gin and watery. His dress was torn, For dregs avail and slops of gin had rusted it. His pimpled face was wan and pale, Where Filth had not encrusted it. Come, polter, said the fiend, Begin, and keep the bowl aflowing on, A working man needs pints of gin To keep his clockwork going on.  The demon gave a drunken shriek And crept away in stealthiness, And lo! instead a person's sleek Who seemed to burst with healthiness. In me, as your advisor hints Of abstinence you've got a type, Of Mr. Tweedy's pretty prince, I am the happy prototype. If you abjure the social toast And pipes and such frivolities, You possibly, some day, May boast my prepossessing qualities.  If I abjure fermented drink, Shall I indeed resemble you? And will my whiskers curl so tight My cheeks grow smug and muttony? My face become so red and white, My coat so blue and muttony? Will trousers such as yours Array extremities inferior? Will chubbiness assert its sway All over my exterior? In this my unenlightened state To work in heavy boots I comes, Will pumps henceforward Decorate my tiddle-toddle tootsie-comes? And shall I get so plump and fresh And look no longer seedily? My skin will henceforth fit my flesh So tightly and so tweedily? The phantom said, You'll have all this, You'll know no kind of puffiness. Your life will be one chubby bliss, One long, unruffled puffiness.  You pharisaical old snob, You're worse almost than to the one. I takes my pipe, I takes my pot, And drunk I'm never seen to be. I'm no tea-totaler or sot, And as I am I mean to be." End of ballad No. 36 Bob Polter from the Babb ballads. This recording is in the public domain. End No. 37 of the Babb ballads by W. S. Gilbert. Red for Librivox.org by Graham Redman. The story of Prince Agib. Strike the concertina's melancholy string, Blow the spirit-stirring harp like anything. Let the piano's marshal blast Rouse the echoes of the past, For of Agib, Prince of Tartary, I sing. Of Agib, who amid tartaric scenes Wrote a lot of ballet music in his teens, His gentle spirit rolls In the melody of souls, Which is pretty, but I don't know what it means. Of Agib, who could readily at sight Strum a march upon the loud theodolite, He would diligently play On the zoetrope all day, And blow the gape and technicon all night. In winter, I am shaky in my dates, Came two starving tartar minstrels to his gates. Oh, Allah be obeyed how infernally they played! I remember that they called themselves the Waits. Oh, that day of sorrow, misery, and rage, I shall carry to the catacombs of age, Photographically lined on the tablet of my mind, When a yesterday has faded from its page. Alas, Prince Agib went and asked them in, Gave them beer and eggs and sweets and scent and tin, And when, as snobs would say, They had put it all away, He requested them to tune up and begin. Though its icy horror chill you to the core, I will tell you what I never told before. The consequence is true of that awful interview, For I listened at the keyhole in the door. They played him a sonata, Let me see, medulla oblongata, key of G. Then they began to sing that extremely lovely thing, Scared-sando marnontropo P.P.P. He gave them money more than they could count, Sent from a most ingenious little fount, More beer in little kegs, many dozen hard-boiled eggs, And goodies to a fabulous amount. Now follows the dim horror of my tale, And I feel I'm growing gradually pale, For even at this day, though its sting has passed away, When I venture to remember it, I quail. The elder of the brothers gave a squeal, All overish it made me for to feel. Oh, Prince, he says, as he, if a prince indeed you be, I've a mystery I'm going to reveal. Oh, listen, if you'd shun a horrid death, To what the gent who's speaking to you sayeth, No weights in truth are we, as you fancy, That we be, for, to ramble, I am Alec, this is Beth. Said Agib, oh, a cursed of your kind, I have heard that ye are men of evil mind. Beth gave a dreadful shriek, but before he had time to speak, I was mercilessly collared from behind. In number ten or twelve or even more, They farcened me full length upon the floor. On my face extended flat, I was walloped with a cat for listening at the keyhole of a door. Oh, the horror of that agonizing thrill, I can feel the place in frosty weather still. For a week from ten to four I was farsen to the floor, While a mercenary wopped me with a will. They branded me and broke me on a wheel, And they left me in an hospital to heal. And upon my solemn word I have never, never heard What those tartars had determined to reveal. But that day of sorrow, misery, and rage I shall carry to the catacombs of age, Te graphically lined on the tablet of my mind, When a yesterday has faded from its page. End of ballad number thirty-seven The story of Prince Agib from the Bab ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballad number thirty-eight of the Bab ballads by W. S. Gilbert. Read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. Ellen McJones Aberdeen MacPherson Clunglockety Angus MacLann was the son of an elderly laboring man. You've guessed him a Scotchman shrewd reader at sight, and perhaps altogether shrewd reader you're right. From the Bonnie blue forth to the lovely D-side, round by Dingwall and wroth to the mouth of the Clyde, there wasn't a child or a woman or man who could pipe with clunglockety Angus MacLann. No other could wake such detestable groans with reed and with chaunter, with bag and with drones. All day and all night he delighted the chills with sniggering peabrocks and jiggity reels. He'd clamber a mountain and squat on the ground, and the neighbouring maidens would gather around to list to the pipes and to gaze in his ene. Finally Ellen McJones Aberdeen. All loved their MacLann, savor Sassanach Brute, who came to the Highlands to fish and to shoot. He dressed himself up in the Highland away, though his name it was Patterson Corby Torbay. Torbay had incurred a good deal of expense to make him a Scotchman in every sense. But this is a matter you'll readily own that isn't a question of tailors alone. A Sassanach chief may be bonilly built. He may purchase a sparran, a bonnet, and kilt. Stick a skein in his hose where an acre of stripes. But he cannot assume an affection for pipes. Clunglockety's pipings all night and all day quite frenzied poor Patterson Corby Torbay. The girls were amused at his singular spleen, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. McPherson Clunglockety angers my lad with peabrochs and reels you are driving me mad. If you really must play on that cursed affair, my goodness, play something resembling an heir. Boiled over the blood of McPherson McLann, the clan of Clunglockety rose as one man for all were enraged at the insult I wean, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. Let's show, said McLann, to this Sassanach loon that the bagpipes can play him a regular tune. Let's see, said McLann, as he thoughtfully sat. In my cottage is easy. I'll practice at that. He blew at his cottage and blew with a will for a year, seven months, and a fortnight until, y'all hardly believe it, McLann, I declare, elicited something resembling an heir. It was wild, it was fitful, as wild as the breeze, it wandered about into several keys, it was jerky, spasmodic, and harsh I'm aware, but still it distinctly suggested an heir. The Sassanach screamed and the Sassanach danced, he shrieked in his agony bellowed and pranced, and the maidens who gathered rejoiced at the scene, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. Hech gather, hech gather, hech gather around, and fill all your lugs with the exquisite sound, and air-free the bagpipes, beat that, if you can, hurrah for Clunglockety Angus McLann. The fame of his piping spread over the land, respectable widows proposed for his hand, and maidens came flocking to sit on the green, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. One morning the fidgety Sassanach swore he'd stand it no longer, he drew his claymore, and this was, I think, in extremely bad taste, divided Clunglockety close to the waist. Oh, loud were the wailings for Angus McLann, oh, deep was the grief for that excellent man! The maids stood aghast at the horrible scene, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. It sorrowed poor Paterson Corbett or Bay to find them take on in this serious way. He pitted the poor little fluttering birds, and solaced their souls with the following words. Oh, maidens, said Paterson, touching his hat, don't blubber my dears for a fellow like that. Observe, I'm a very superior man, a much better fellow than Angus McLann. They smiled when he winked and addressed them as dears, and they all of them vowed as they dried up their tears, a pleasanter gentleman never was seen, especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen. End of ballad number thirty-eight, Ellen McJones Aberdeen from The Bab Ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballad number thirty-nine of The Bab Ballads by W. S. Gilbert, read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. Peter the Wag. Policeman Peter Forth I drag from his obscure retreat. He was a merry genial wag, who loved a mad conceit. If he were asked the time of day by country bumpkin's green, he not unfrequently would say a quarter past thirteen. If ever you by word of mouth inquired of Mr. Forth, the waiter somewhere in the South, he always sent you north.  He loved to send old ladies wrong, and teach their feet to stray. He would in frolic moments, when such mischief bent upon, take bishops up as betting men, bid ministers move on. Then all the worthy boys he knew he regularly licked, and always collared people who had had their pockets picked. He was not naturally bad or viciously inclined, but from his early youth he had a waggish turn of mind. The men of London grimly scowled, with indignation wild, the men of London gruffly growled. But Peter calmly smiled. Since this minion of the crown the swelling murmurs grew, from Camberwell to Kentishtown, from Rotherhithe to Q. Still humoured he his waggish turn, and fed in various ways the coward rage that dared to burn, but did not dare to blaze. Still retribution has her day, although her flight is slow. One day that crusher lost his way near Poland Street Soho. The haughty boy, too proud to ask, to find his way resolved, and in the tangle of his task got more and more involved. The men of London overjoyed came there to jeer their foe, and flocking crowds completely cloyed the mazes of Soho. The news on telegraphic wires sped swiftly earthily. Excursion trains from distant shires brought myriads to sea. For weeks he trod his self-made beats through Newport, Gerard, Bear, Greek, Rupert, Frith, Dean, Poland Streets, and into Golden Square. Not all alas in vain, for when he tried to learn the way of little boys or grown-up men, they none of them would say. Their eyes would flash, their teeth would grind, their lips would tightly curl, they'd say, thy way thyself must find, thou misdirecting churl. And similarly also, when he tried a foreign friend, Italians answered, Il balen, the French, no comprehend. The rusts would say with gleaming eye, Sevastopol, and groan. The Greek said, tupto, tupto, my, tupto, tuptine, tuptone. To wonder thus for many a year the crusher never ceased. The men of London dropped a tear, their anger was appeased. At length exploring gangs were sent to find poor forth's remains. A handsome grant by Parliament was voted for their pains. To seek the poor policeman out bold spirits volunteered, and when they swore they'd solved the doubt. The men of London cheered, and in a yard dark dank and drear they found him on the floor. It leads from Richmond buildings near the royalty's stage door. With brandy cold and brandy hot they plied him, starved and wet, and made him sergeant on the spot. The men of London's pet. End of Ballard No. 39, Peter the Wag, from the Bab Ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballard No. 40 of the Bab Ballads by W. S. Gilbert, read for LibriVox.org by Graham Redman. Ben Allah Ahmed, or the Fatal Tom. I once did know a Turkish man whom I upon a two-pair backmet. His name it was Effendi Khan Bakşiş Pasha Ben Allah Ahmed. A Dr. Brown I also knew, I've often eaten, of his bounty. The Turk and he they lived at Hu in Sussex, that delightful county. I knew a nice young lady there. Her name was Emily MacPherson. And though she wore another's hair she was an interesting person. The Turk adored the maid of Hu, although his harem would have shocked her. But Brown adored that maiden too. He was a most seductive doctor. They'd follow her where ere she'd go, a course of action most improper. She neither knew by sight, and so for neither of them cared a copper. Brown did not know that Turkish male. He might have been his sainted mother. The people in this simple tale are total strangers to each other. One day that Turk he's sickened, sore, and suffered agonies oppressive. He threw himself upon the floor, and rolled about in pain excessive. It made him moan, it made him groan, and almost wore him to a mummy. Why should I hesitate to own that pain was in his little tummy? At length a doctor came and rung, as Allah Ahmed had desired, who felt his pulse looked up his tongue, and hemmed and hoared, and then inquired, Where is the pain that long has preyed upon you in so sad a way, sir? The Turk he giggled, blushed, and said, I don't exactly like to say, sir. Come, nonsense, said good Dr. Brown, so this is Turkish coiness, is it? You must contrive to fight it down. Come, come, sir, please, to be explicit. The Turk he shyly bit his thumb, and coyly blushed like one half-witted. The pain is in my little tum. He whispering at length admitted. Then take you this, and take you that, your blood flows sluggish in its channel. You must get rid of all this fat, and wear my medicated flannel. You'll send for me when you're in need. My name is Brown, your life I've saved it. My rival, shrieked the invalid, and drew a mighty sword and waved it. This to thy weasened Christian pest, allowed the Turk in frenzy yelled it, and drove right through the doctor's chest the sabre and the hand that held it. The blow was a decisive one, and Dr. Brown grew deadly pasty.  There are two Dr. Browns in who, he's short and stout, I'm tall and whizzen. You've been and run the wrong one through, that's how the error has arisen. The accident was thus explained, apologies were only hurt now. At my mistake I'm rarely pained, I am indeed upon my word now. With me, sir, you shall be interred. A mausoleum grande awaits me. Oh, pray don't say another word, I'm sure that more than compensates me. But perhaps kind Turk, you're full inside. There's room, said he, for any number. And so they laid them down and died. Being proud, Stambul, they sleep their slumber. End of Ballad No. 40 Ben-Alar Ahmed or the Fatal Tom from the Bab Ballads This recording is in the public domain. Ballad No. 41 of the Bab Ballads by W. S. Gilbert Redford Librivox.org by Graham Redman The Three Kings of Chikarabu There were three niggers of Chikarabu, Pacifico, Bang Bang, Pop-Chop, who exclaimed one terribly sultry day. Oh, let's speak kings, in a humble way. The first was a highly accomplished Bones, the next elicited banjo-tones, the third was a quiet retiring chap who danced an excellent breakdown flap. We niggers, said they, have formed a plan by which, whenever we like, we can extemporize kingdoms near the beach, and then we'll collar a kingdom each. Three casks from somebody else's stores shall represent our island shores, their sides the ocean-wide shall lave their heads just topping the briny wave. Great Britain's navy scours the sea, and everywhere her ships they be. She'll recognize our rank, perhaps, when she discovers we're royal chaps.  She does not push inquiry far to learn what sort of king you are. A ship of several thousand tons, and mounting seventy-something guns, plowed every year the ocean blew, discovering kings and countries new. The brave, rare Admiral Bailey Pipp, commanding that magnificent ship, perceived one day his glasses through the kings that came from Chickoraboo. Dear eyes, said Admiral Pipp, I see three flourishing islands on our lee, and bless me, most remarkable thing, on every island stands a king. Come lower the Admiral's gig, he cried, and over the dancing waves I'll glide, that low obeisance I may do to those three kings of Chickoraboo. The Admiral pulled to the island's three, the kings saluted him graciously. The Admiral pleased at his welcome warm, unrolled a printed alliance form. Your Majesty, sign me this, I pray, I come in a friendly kind of way. I come, if you please, with the best intents, and Queen Victoria's compliments. The kings were pleased as they well could be, the most retiring of the three in a cellar flap to his joy gave vent, with the banjo-bones accompaniment. The great, rare Admiral Bailey Pipp embarked on board his jolly big ship. Blue Peter flew from his lofty fore, and off he sailed to his native shore. Admiral Pipp directly went to the lord at the head of the government, who made him by a stroke of a quill, barren'd a pip of Piptonville. The College of Heralds' permission yielded that he should quarter upon his shield three islands vert on a field of blue, with the pregnant motto Chickoraboo. Ambassadors, yes, and attachés, too, are going to sail for Chickoraboo, and see on the good ship's crowded deck a bishop who's going out there on speck. And let us all hope that blissful things may come of alliance with darky kings, and may we never, whatever we do, declare a war with Chickoraboo. End of Ballad No. 41 The Three Kings of Chickoraboo from the Bab Ballads. This recording is in the public domain. Ballad No. 42 of the Bab Ballads by W. S. Gilbert. Redford Librivox.org by Graham Redman. Joe go likely, or the first lord's daughter. Atar but poorly prized, long, shambling, and unsightly, thrashed, bullied, and despised was wretched Joe go likely. He bore a work-house-brand, no par or ma had claimed him, the beadle found him, and the board of guardians named him. Perhaps some princess's son, a beggar, perhaps his mother. He rather thought the one, I rather think the other. He liked his ship at sea, he loved the salt sea water, he worshipped junk, and he adored the first lord's daughter. The first lord's daughter, proud, snubbed earls and vikings nightly. She sneered at barts, allowed, and spurned poor Joe go likely. When air he sailed afar, upon a channel-cruise he unpacked his light guitar, and sang this ballad, boozy. The moon is on the sea willow. The wind blows towards the lee willow, but though I sigh, and sob, and cry, no Lady Jane for me willow. She says to her folly quite willow, for me to wed a white willow, whose lot is cast before the mast, and possibly she's right willow. His skipper, Captain Joyce, he gave him many a rating, and almost lost his voice from thus expostulating. Lay after you, Lubber-Doo, what's come to that young man, Joe, belay, vast heaving you? Do kindly stop that, Banjo. I wish I do, O law, your ship to board a trader. Are you a sailor, or a negro serenader? But still the stricken lad aloft, or on his pillow, howled forth in accent sad, his aggravating willow. Stern love of duty had been Joyce's chiefest beauty. Says he, I love that lad, but duty, dammy duty! Twelve months black hole I say, where daylight never flashes, and always twice a day a good six dozen lashes. But Joseph had a mate, a sailor stout and lusty, a man of low estate, but singularly trusty. Says he, cheer up, young Joe, I'll tell you what I'm after. To that fuss-lord I'll go, and ax him for his data. To that fuss-lord I'll go, and say you love her dearly. And Joe said, weeping low, I wish you would, sincerely. That sailor to that lord went, soon as he had landed, and of his own accord an interview demanded. Says he, with Siemens' role.  He loves Miss Lady Jane. I own she is his betters. But if you'll jine them twain, they'll free him from his fetters. And if so be as how you'll let her come aboard ship, I'll take her with me now. Get out," remarked his lordship. That honest tar repaired to Joe upon the billow, and told him how he had faired. Joe only whispered, willow. And for that dreadful crime young sailors learn to shun it. He's working out his time. In six months he'll have done it. To the terrestrial globe by a miserable wretch. Roll on, thou ball, roll on. Through pathless realms of space, roll on. What though I'm in a sorry case? What though I cannot meet my bills? What though I suffer two-thakes ills? What though I swallow countless pills? Never you mind, roll on. Roll on, thou ball, roll on. You seize a vinky air, roll on. It's true I've got no shirts to wear. It's true my butcher's bill is due. It's true my prospects all look blue. But don't let that unsettle you. Never you mind, roll on. It rolls on. It was of Ballard No. 43 to the terrestrial globe by a miserable wretch from the Bab-Ballards. This recording is in the public domain. Ballard No. 44 of the Bab-Ballards by W. S. Gilbert, Redfield Librivox.org by Graham Redman. Gentle Alice Brown. It was a robber's daughter, and her name was Alice Brown. Her father was the terror of a small Italian town. Her mother was a foolish, weak, but amiable old thing. But it isn't of her parents that I'm going for to sing. As Alice was a-sitting at her windowsill one day, a beautiful young gentleman he chanced to pass that way. She cast her eyes upon him, and he looked so good and true that she thought, I could be happy with a gentleman like you. And every morning passed her house that cream of gentlemen. She knew she might expect him at a quarter unto ten. A sorter in the custom house it was his daily road. The custom house was fifteen minutes' walk from her abode. But Alice was a pious girl who knew it wasn't wise to look at strange young sorters with expressive purple eyes. So she sought the village priest to whom her family confessed, the priest by whom their little sins were carefully assessed. Oh, holy father, Alice said, to would grieve you would it not to discover that I was a most disreputable lot? Of all unhappy sinners I'm the most unhappy one. The padre said, What ever have you been and gone and done? I have helped Mamar to steal a little kitty from its dad. I've assisted dear papa in cutting up a little lad. I've planned a little burglary and forged a little check, and slain a little baby for the coral on its neck. The worthy pastor heaved a sigh and dropped a silent tear, and said, You mustn't judge yourself too heavily, my dear. It's wrong to murder babies, little corals, for to fleece. But sins like these one expiates at half a crown apiece. Girls will be girls, you're very young and flighty in your mind. Old heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find. We mustn't be too hard upon these little girlish tricks. Let's see, five crimes at half a crown, exactly twelve and six. Oh, father, little Alice cried, Your kindness makes me weep. You do these little things for me so singularly cheap. Your thoughtful liberality I never can forget. And oh, there is another crime I haven't mentioned yet. A pleasant-looking gentleman with pretty purple eyes I've noticed at my window as I've sat a-catching flies. He passes by it every day, as certain as can be. I blush to say I've winked at him, and he has winked at me.   This dreadful piece of news will pain your worthy parents so. They are the most remunerative customers I know. For many, many years they've kept starvation from my doors. I never knew so criminal a family as yours. The common country folk in this insipid neighborhood have nothing to confess. They're so ridiculously good. And if you marry any one respectable at all, why, your reform, and what will then become of Father Paul? The worthy priest he up and drew his cowl upon his crown, and started off in haste to tell the news to Robert Brown, to tell him how his daughter, who was now for marriage fit, had winked upon a sorter who reciprocated it. Good Robert Brown, he muffled up his anger pretty well. He said, I have a notion, and that notion I will tell.  I've studied human nature, and I know a thing or two. Though a girl may fondly love a living gent, as many do, a feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fall when she looks upon his body chopped particularly small. He traced that gallant sorter to a still suburban square. He watched his opportunity, and seized him unaware. He took a life preserver, and he hit him on the head, and Mrs. Brown dissected him before she went to bed. And pretty little Alice grew more settled in her mind. She nevermore was guilty of a weakness of the kind, until at length Good Robert Brown bestowed her pretty hand on the promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band, end of ballad number forty-four, gentle Alice Brown, and of the Bab Ballads. This recording is in the public domain.