Hi everyone Sean with jaspyscasebrakes.com here doing 2020 tops triple threads baseball nine box inner case break random team number two 30 spots given away or sold in the break Everyone gets one random team in the break and Some details about the break itself All card ship it doesn't say it in here, but all card ship so Here is the list of customers from Anthony Venturino first spot purchased all the way down to last spot mojo Tristan Ritchie and our teams from the Diamondbacks down to the Washington Nationals dice roll to Randomize both lists and combine four and a one five times one two three four and fifth and final time Starting with Enoch times two down to Robert Mancini five times on the teams. Good luck one two three and fourth and fun, sorry before It was five right five Jump the gun at fifth and final time from the Milwaukee Brewers down to the Colorado Rockies Just too excited to rip into the box Cool, let's make this a little bit easier to read Enoch with the Brewers and the Rays TJ Poyer with the Pirates Richard Farradis with the Giants Barry Roberts with the White Sox Ryan Kasin with the Diamondbacks TJ Poyer with the Dodgers Michael Fattrell with the Cubs Christopher Piszka with the Marlins Matthew Bodner with the Twins Richard Farradis with the Angels Franklin Mackenzie with the Astros Kang Tang with the Tigers Wade Valentine with the Nationals Sean Maddock with the Cardinals Anthony Venturino with the Braves Jeff Hayden with the Mets Tristan Ritchie last spot mojo got the Blue Jays Tyler Rutledge with the Orioles Jason Provisor with the Rangers Adam Kav Tolovitch with the Indians Chris Walker with the Red Sox the Paul Poonwani with the Yankees David Almeida with the Phillies the Paul Poo Wani with the Royals Christopher Piszka with the Mariners Jack Bazmajian with the Padres Michael Fattrell with the A's Franklin Mackenzie with the Reds and Robert Mancini with the Rockies So let's make this sort this by Our alphabet ties it Put a little nice little border around that trade window is open. It's gonna stay open in as long as we Have to figure out which half in our case. We're gonna be doing So there's the list for you guys No max not even close we've got so much more to do There is no blast breaks in the night, we're gonna keep going all night long So guys here is a master case fresh case. This is gonna be for random teams two and three Inside of this is two inner cases With nine boxes of each case. We have to figure out which inner box we're doing now and which one We're going to do for random team number three so you can see Here are the two random or the inner cases number one and number two So I'm gonna leave them right here. You can see up on the nit cam Box over here on the left one two or three on the dice roll box over here on the right It's gonna be a four five or six on the dice roll We're gonna use my lucky dice Ending in eight seven. Good luck. It's a three go like this So with the box on the left right over here this box here It's gonna be for random team number three and For you to know that we're gonna do that for random team three RT three guys So second half of this case random team three Don't be scared. Go get your spots now So do we have any talks of trades? See chat doesn't look like anybody's talking about trades though. So let me open this up You did get the twins Matt cool. No talks of trades five four three two one cool Trade window closed guys TWC in the chat Let's print and rip. Okay, so let's go ahead and switch over to the breaking camera and There's our nine boxes And it's you number two. Let's see something good Here's our final list Last spot mojo Tristan with the blue jays Good luck to you and everybody else Including Matt with tried to trade couldn't trade mojo on the twins It's a real thing guys. It's not made up. This one feels really heavy Cool good luck George Brett purple to 299 for the Royals the pole Ernie Banks yellow to 75. I really like the yellow this year cubs Michael big poppy big stats 11 out of 36 David Ortiz going to the Red Sox and Chris Walker and Patch and auto Dan's be swanson 12 out of 50 For the Braves and Anthony Venturino Second half of box one David Ortiz to 299 for the Red Sox Chris Walker JD Martinez black to 50 for the Red Sox and Chris Relic Victor Robles for the Nationals and Wade And our auto patch and auto Fernando Tatis Jr 2 out of 18 radar gun San Diego Padres Jack Congratulations, man. I hear he's pretty good Max Scherzer purple to 299 for the Nationals Wade Tom Sievert to 99 for the Mets and Jeff Triple relic Cody Bellinger one of one all-star game For the Dodgers and TJ Poyer look at the colors in that big night for Cody Bellinger Congrats TJ rookie Jersey auto 87 out of 99 advert all the lay for the cubs and Michael That's pretty cool It's like he knew you guys were talking about him big catch tonight big hit tonight for TJ Roberto Clemente blue to 25 going to the Pirates and TJ Aaron judge to 199 for the Yankees and the pole Try it Tristan change the subject Kyle Lewis For the Mariners and Chris Piszka. You got a Ricky Henderson. How about another Cody Bellinger? Green relic 13 out of 18 Dodgers TJ Poyer Triple Jersey auto 15 out of 75 Lordus Guriel Going to the Blue Jays and Tristan Lordus Guriel Tristan Honest Wagner Green to 275 for the Pirates and TJ Vlad Guerrero, Jr. Purple To 299 for the Blue Jays Tristan last spot mojo Nico Horner rookie for the Cubbies Michael You got Cal and Max we got a relic for mr. Bob Gibson 13 out of 18 legend relic going to the Cardinals Sean Maddock and Jersey auto Ahmed Rosario two out of 40 Going to the Mets and Jeff very sexy Tristan Like I said, I told Joe earlier. It looks like they used the styling of top sterling which was awesome. So Keston here at Orange to 199 for the Brewers and Enoch Ronald Acuna, Jr. To 275 for the Braves and Anthony Rendon Roberto Aldemar the wizard Aussie So we got a chunky relic here and it is very chunky. How about another one-of-one? Victor Robles For the Washington Nationals and Wade There you go Wade Congrats Relic auto climbing the charts Xander Bogarts one out of nine There you go Going to Xander Bogarts for the Boston Red Sox and Chris Walker nice first three boxes Very nice first three boxes Hot case Remember random team number three from this same same case guys What's up Jonathan? How are you? Very good Jonathan very good better than I Can ask Can we give it a Viking funeral Joe? get a get a Bodyboard like a used bodyboard that's broken Put the bell on it with tape Some lighter fluid like that thing on fire and just push it out into the ocean Come on Joe, we got to burn something Everything's just going too smooth. Let's just burn something Baseball bat that'd be pretty cool Joe, we're not even gonna watch it. We're just gonna cut it into pieces. It's gonna be all sweaty Break used shirt and then we're gonna we're gonna send it out as a Christmas Christmas cards You know what I mean? It's gonna be a custom break used shirt randomly inserted It's their taco stains hot sauce stains if anything Pat tonight had tacos You don't put mustard on tacos unless they're pastrami tacos Speaking that has anybody had a pastrami taco. Oh, so good pitch stains to bread Here's the fit. Here's the good thing about that Pat the Sean Teddy dual relic shirt card It's gonna be the same shirt just worn by both of us on different days for the entire length of the day Think about how that's gonna smell Pastrami tacos are delicious by the way. I don't think Joe Joe's in That's Joe's confirmation that he likes the idea. You mean Joe doesn't want us doesn't want to burn it I think he's gonna want to cut it apart Joe, I do actually have a serious Thing for you that I think would be very cool Obviously you have your big hit express, right? well My lady Her dad has had a long-time hobby he used to have a hobby shop and everything of Trains and he has a massive model train set and like top-notch trains And I asked her if he would be willing to make an engine and paint it and Paint it big hit express with Jaspie's colors for you just to have in the display back over here Maybe with a little Engine noise like the the train sound so that when like Jason or I are here breaking and we don't have You to do it. We can just push the button Babe Ruth purple to 299 Going to the Yankees and the pole Chris Bryant yellow to 75 for the Cubs and Michael Okay, and Louise Robert Only a base, but still Chicago White Sox Barry Relic Nick Senzel 24 of 27 going to the Reds and Franklin and Glaber Torres Glaber delivers 10 out of 18 Relic and auto Going to the Yankees and the pole To choose choose from I choose you choose you Buster Posey green to 275 for the Giants And Richard Walker Bueller Pope roll to 299 for the Dodgers and TJ Relic Max Scherzer 5 out of 18 in command For the Nationals and Wade Jersey auto 51 out of 99 for the Braves Mike Soroka going to Anthony. They all ship Tristan all card ship Gary to 199 for the Yankees the pole Devers to 275 for the Red Sox and Chris Gavin Luxe rookie for the Dodgers and TJ Josh Bell switch success relic 12 out of 27 for the Pirates and TJ Auto Robelle Garcia 61 out of 99 for the Cubs and Michael Banks to 275 for the Cubs and Michael each year out of 299 for the Mariners and Chris Looks like we got a redemption any guesses our Relic Clayton Kershaw 26 out of 27 for the Dodgers and TJ Pat's Rex is saying Robert base rookies and future phenom. What? Autograph relic card sapphire. Oh, what are we doing here guys? What's all these words mean? That's a whole lot of words But the sapphire should be low, but it's rookies and future phenom. So is it multiple? It's John means I Mean John means for the Baltimore Orioles and Tyler Anybody know what the what the sapphire is out of Christian Yelich to 99 for the Brewers Enoch Jacob de Grom to 275 for the Mets and Jeff Gonna chug chug chug along Relic Justice Sheffield three of 27 For the Mariners and Chris triple relic auto rookie 24 out of 50 Seth Brown Going to the A's and Michael. It's pretty good Rex. I Couldn't have set that up any better than I did. I'm not saying not to respect that Matt I was expecting when it said rookies and future phenoms. I Thought it was gonna be multiple people. You know sapphires out of 10. So that's nice Acunia to 199 for the Braves and Anthony Whitmaryfield the 275 for the Royals and Vapol Triple relic Michael Conforto Ahmed Rosario and Jeff McNeil 19 out of 36 for the Mets and Jeff and Jersey and auto 70 out of 75 Carter Keeboom for the Washington Nationals and Wade. I like me some Carter Mr. Keeboom Rex I need all the encouragement I can get as you can see with Joe. It's just all discouragement Cool last three boxes guys. Good luck. This is the seventh eighth and ninth inning coming up plenty of time To make a difference in the game By the way encourages the name of his wiffle ball bat that he keeps in the cabinet over here So yes, he definitely encourages me off camera I Mean if he really meant it he would use like if if he really didn't like me he would use something worse than a bit Wiffle ball bat, right? Oh Joe That's the most hurtful thing ever I'm not even worth getting hit by a wiffle ball back guys I mean I'll also take that as a compliment because he's saying that I'm built solidly Right Brad nice little wrap there. That one's got a weird little curve to it. That's strange Wiffle ball bat no match Matt. What do you mean? I feel like I could take a good swing by a wiffle ball back to the head and not even be fazed Not to the front of the face But to the back Back of the head would be fine. I don't think it would break the wiffle ball bat. Oh, you're saying the wiffle ball But yeah, of course I do Brad Engine engine number nine. I am stopped Tune in tomorrow when Joe hits Sean with a wiffle ball bat cool. Good luck everybody Robin the out to 50 For the Brewers and Enoch George Springer to 199 for the Astros and Franklin glove story 27 out of 36 for Trevor story in the Colorado Rockies going to Robert and Our Otto Rookie Otto 50 out of 50 Dustin May look at the flow on that. What a perfect picture Going to the Dodgers and TJ. He definitely doesn't beat me He's actually a very nice guy. Just so you know Very encouraging openly asked. Hey, is there anything you need? All that good stuff George Springer green to 275 for the Astros Franklin Brooks Robinson to 299 And the Orioles Tyler that might be my favorite picture of his hair ever Sonny Gray 31 out of 36 for the Reds and Franklin and ooh How about the Nationals in this one guys one Soto one out of 18 early riser That's nice. Wade Valentine No Rex Ernie Banks to 199 for the Coveys Michael Don Mattingly to 275 for the Yankees and Vapul Manny Machado and just a heads up when you receive this Going to Jack. It's just a base card, but it's got like a wicked bend to it like legitimately You can see it sticking up on both sides So just a heads up straight out of the pack like that and four out of nine Reese Hoskins It says What does it say? nascent power I feel like I'm pretty good with words, but I don't know what nascent means anybody any words help me NASC ENT nascent power anybody and Jersey and Otto Brian Reynolds 28 out of 99 for the Pirates and TJ Especially of a process of organization just coming into existence and beginning to display signs. Okay. Well, there you go Thank you guys. Oh, I love this. Look at that. Look at the help Ty Cobb to 299 going to the Tigers and Kang Alex Brangman to 99 for the Astros and Franklin Mike Clevenger 28 out of 36 going to the Indians for Adam Triple Jersey and Otto are if stead as a Kino 50 out of 99 for the Reds and Franklin so out of all of the Brad I wish they would have gone with in choked As the synonym instead, I wish it would have said in choked power It would have been so much better Couldn't done incipient or emerging emerging. Everybody would have gotten but in choked. Oh, it was fun Franklin Franklin Thomas Frank Thomas for the White Sox and Barry Roberts the 270 5 Cal Ripken Jr. Purple to 299 for the Orioles and Tyler Alex Rodriguez legend 9 out of 36 for the Yankees and Vapool and Miles Mikolas with the sweet sweet mustache. Look at that thing It's got a caterpillar on top of his lip 70 out of 75 going to the Cardinals and Sean and last box Hosea al-Tubey orange to 199 for the Astros and Franklin Nolan Ryan to 275 for the Rangers and Jason Chris Paddock 5 out of 36 for the Padres and Jack and our last Relican Otto is a one-of-one Workhorse Tim Linsicum look at all that color Letters numbering in the middle For the Giants and Richard Ferratus Very nice. That's our third one-of-one from this case or from this inner case Congratulations guys. That was the break and a very nice one at that That was 2020 tops triple threads baseball nine box intercase break random team number two I'm Sean Jaspies case breaks calm Random team number three is the second inner case from this master case We did not hit a white whale. We did not hit a triple autograph Those are all sitting in back there. So Random team number three in the store Jaspies case breaks calm. I'm Sean. Thank you guys very much, and I'll see you next time


I was down staying with a woman and she got this email that came in and she said David I don't know how to answer this email to my friend would you answer it and basically the email said a course in miracles is nothing more than a Christian science rip-off and I just had to have the biggest laugh, Jesus and I had a good laugh at that because first let me give you a more historical context about non-dualism Non-dualistic teachings have been around for a long time many many centuries, you can go back to India, you can go back to China you know the course in miracles is a non-dualistic teaching science and health and Mary Baker Eddy's teaching is a non-dualistic teaching Mary Baker Eddy used Christian terminology because her she lived back with the transcendentalists and Walt Whitman and Thoreau and all these you know Emerson you know great great thinkers talk about new thought and even Quindy who was right before her so so you have a teacher will say like Mary Baker Eddy come along and she's gonna let fly and let rip with non-dualistic metaphysics back in the day Mark Twain and she was kind of, I mean she took flack big time Gary and I think we take shots, imagine back in that century a woman coming out and speaking these things I'm sure Mary Baker took a few shots back in those days too considering the culture but anyway here's a non-dualistic teaching and it's coming through in Christian terminology and that's why I had to laugh when I saw the email the Course in Miracles is nothing more than a Christian science rip-off who was basically saying that the Course in Miracles is like plagiarizing and repackaging a bunch of ideas that Mary Baker Eddy originated and then if you go back to the original Jesus that's when this whole plagiarism idea gets absolutely silly because you know the Gnostics, if you go back to some of the Gnostics teachings they were really great too and you can go throughout all the centuries so now let's roll it forward here to this century this is where it's absolutely funny when people seem to be circulating things around the internet and talking about Gary plagiarizing some version of the Gospel of Thomas that was on the internet before Gary wrote his book and I get these questions actually a lot of times where people will go on and they'll say that's plagiarism, that's lying, that's deception, this and this they say okay are you guys ready to do a little Course in Miracles now? let's practice a little Course in Miracles here now there seems to be this big flap that I hear about a lot between fact and fiction I remember we've mentioned with Marlon Morgan's book Mutant Message Down Under and Jimmy Twyman and some other series of lightning this is not kind of a new controversy or flap it's almost like a fad it's like how many, what's the fad? oh we got a fad just like with wealth it was fad to be poor, wealthy and now here we come around with another fad and the big assumption underneath is all these accusations which would be good to look at I think if we would have a nice conference we could talk about some of these things openly but it's like what about the underlying assumption about what's fact and fiction? what are the teachings of the Course in Miracles? they're teaching what? that this world is fiction is that debatable? no, it's not it's a projection to try to start to draw lines in between what is all unreal and say this is factual unreal and this is fiction unreal doesn't that sound funny? factual unreal and fiction unreal that's almost like saying I got factual error and fiction error ooh that sounds pretty funny too when there is a defense and attempt to divide this world up into those two separate camps the bait's already been bitten the ego's sitting back snickering at the assumption kind of laughing going gotcha again got another controversy to chase them and then to throw on top of that to actually throw accusation in a sense to try to belittle to show that there is no value to even put words in like this is going to hurt a lot of people in some kind of article that came out recently about how people are going to be so hurt wait a minute people let's get back to the Course in Miracles where is the practical application of the Course in Miracles when you don't even question the first assumption and you go out on a witch hunt or you go out pointing the finger and none of us are called to do that we are called to forgive completely to forgive and so these are the kind of things I point out where I just kind of watch this here we go the run in the mill controversy that comes around again and again and again and like Gary was saying earlier today it's just absolutely nothing it doesn't offer any value there is no worth to it people can say well this is like part of academic rigor and blah blah blah are you happy with academic rigor or is that going to bring you salvation and happiness so I think it's important that we're talking about these things this is the kind of thing that has to come into the public discussion there was a time when Gary and I were invited together to Canada and there was a few of us who were invited and we came together and that was where we just had a great connection and we shared and one thing I will say is the invitation is there if anybody really seriously wants to talk about these ideas in a very sincere way the door is open we are extremely public we are extremely transparent we share about our experiences in our life we just aren't writing to put the course up on a pedestal we're talking about from our parts how we're trying to live this really really trying to live this because it's really important and so to me I think these are like the key things you know and I know some people will say it's like a compromise approach oh it's a literary device literary device what is a literary device you know what does that really mean you know this I love this guy I enjoyed talking with people I get these questions all the time it's like a literary device I mean everything is a device that's being used by the Holy Spirit why do we have to break the devices up and we have to have devices and put them in different camps and which ones are more important and which ones are real and which ones are fake you know I mean really let's just practice in that sense you'll feel happy so I'm just glad we can come and set the record straight here put it right out there for everybody so we don't get sidetracked in all these ego controversies and issues that really have no point at all you can't say that they have some value they absolutely have no value whatsoever no no of course not I'm just kidding but since the camera is gone I just wanted to set the record straight or something it was that book was a new message down there model working James Twine was an emissary of life it was a book called A Million Little Pieces all of those books were demonstrated and eventually the authors said that they didn't really happen that there wasn't their real experience when it comes to the Dispersed Universe I've never said that because it did happen that's the difference between the Dispersed Universe and the message down there and emissaries of life A Million Little Pieces those things didn't happen but my experience in the Dispersed Universe in your own world we are that's the only difference that I'm going to point out I'm not making anybody go on those guys have done very well and I'm sure they're successful careers or whatever the only thing that I want to point out is that in my experience I don't care if anybody else believes it I really don't but I believe it because that was my experience


Thankfully, it's November and Appalachian Wireless is offering the Samsung GS8 or the GS8 Plus for $100 off the regular price with two-year agreement. Better service, bigger savings, that's today's Appalachian Wireless at East Kentucky Network Company. I learned that everything is possible. Six great students at Pikeville Elementary School have spent the past six weeks gearing up for their fourth annual Living Wax Museum. The project is for J. Tana Hall's reading class. She says the Living Wax Museum teaches students about biographies, autobiographies, non-fiction, reading for information, speech writing, and editing. At the beginning of the year, students randomly selected their characters.  We learned a lot about how to research and how to write a speech with stuff you know and how to present stuff and how to make presentations and how to talk in front of people. My favorite part was probably putting my board together and just saying my speech and memorizing it. That part was really fun. I get really anxious, but this has been a really good experience for me. Students not only learned a lot about their own characters, but their classmates as well. A girl, she can do like anything that boys can do because Marie Curie was the first female to ever win a Nobel Prize and the only woman to ever win two Nobel Prizes so it really, I really look up to her. We work really, really hard in the classroom and it's really fun because we all just get to get together and like help each other out. The sixth grade Living Wax Museum is open to the public. If you miss today's viewing, it will be open tomorrow until lunch. In Pikeville, Shelby Porter, EKB News.


The narrative matrix hides the truth about the world and about ourselves. I talk about narrative all the time, partly because narrative control is the source and foundation of the power of the US centralized empire. The ability to control the way people think, act and vote with mass scale psychological manipulation allows our rulers to dominate us more pervasively than we could ever be dominated by brute totalitarian force, which is why so much energy goes into keeping the people from controlling their own narratives. That's all the current mainstream panic about disinformation is, for example. If narrative control were fully decentralized, our rulers couldn't rule. But I also focus on narrative because its consequences are so much more far-reaching than that. The fascinating thing about paying attention to the way narrative differs from reality is that it doesn't just change your understanding of politics and power throughout the world. You start to notice that your whole life is dominated by narratives, not just about the world, but about you. You start out getting curious if the narratives you've been fed about your country, your government and global power dynamics are really true. And if you are sincere, you start taking that curiosity to questions about narratives you've come to believe about your own life. Narratives about what's important, about what's real, about what's true, about what's helpful. Narratives about how you are. Narratives about who you are. Narratives that were put in your head by teachers, preachers, friends and family. And narratives you made up yourself long ago and kept believing. You start getting curious about the way your own life has been shaped by believed narrative and you start to discover a whole reality underneath the matrix of stories which buzzes around in your consciousness. A reality that could not possibly be more different from your stories about it. You start to discover that your entire framework for perceiving the world is based on believed stories which are not ultimately true and are generally very unhelpful for moving through life in a harmonious way. Stories about others. Stories about life. And stories about yourself. That last one is the real kicker, because it turns out that underneath the narrative matrix what you are is more different from your mental stories about what you are than you could possibly imagine. And these misperceptions of identities shape your entire experience of reality.  After that illusion becomes clarified, life is no longer dominated by narrative. To be clear, narrative in and of itself is not the problem. Narrative in and of itself is a useful tool. I went to the store as a narrative. Those berries are poisonous as a narrative. One should look both ways before crossing the street as a narrative. The problem isn't narrative, the problem is that it dominates our experience instead of serving as a useful tool. The goal isn't to eliminate narrative but to put it in its proper place as a useful tool rather than the writer, director, and star of the entire show of life. The problem isn't narrative but believed narrative. In the same way watching a horror movie causes no problems for you if you remain clear that it's just a movie. Look closer and you see through the stories about your nation, your government, and your world.  Look even closer and you see through the stories about your actual fundamental nature. The reason propaganda works is because human experience is so thoroughly dominated by mental stories that if you can control the dominant narratives, you control humanity. The quest is not just to refute propaganda but to cease having an experience that is dominated by narrative. And of course all this is a narrative too. But it points to something real which can be clearly perceived in your own experience without narrative in the same way you can see your hand in front of your face without having to tell any stories about it.


Say my mom has blue eyes and my dad has brown eyes. What color would my eyes be? Now for a long time people thought that the color of my eyes would just be a mix of the color of my parents. So it would be a mix of blue and brown. So some kind of a dark brownish blueish eyes. And that's what they believed for every single trait. So for example, my mom has straight hair. Dad has let's say curly hair. Then again they believed I would get a mix of them. Kind of straight, kind of curly, wavy hair. And so for a long time people thought this is how traits get passed or inherited from parents to children. It will just be a mix. The traits will just be a mix in the children. But is this really how traits get passed on? Who's going to answer this question? Well, there was one man actually a monk named Gregor Mendel who decided he's going to answer this by growing a lot of pea plants in his garden. Now if you're wondering why he chose pea plants then we've talked a lot about this in a previous video talking about how pea plants have a lot of characters to experiment with and how these characters have only a couple of traits and all of that. So if you need a refresher it'll be a great idea to go back and watch that video on which is called Why Mendel Chose Pea Plants. But if you feel you're cool with this then let's go ahead and see what kind of experiments Mendel performed on these pea plants. So Mendel performed a lot of experiments on different characters. So let me take one example, the character height. So what he would do in one of his experiments is he would take a pure tall pea plant and then cross-fertilize it with a pure short pea plant and then see what offspring they would give. Now I'm pretty sure you might be wondering what do you mean by pure plants? What does this pure mean? Pure basically means if you were to self-pollinate them so if you were to self-pollinate a tall plant it should give all tall plants. If you self-pollinate a short plant it should give all short plants. And what do you mean by self-pollination? Well, suppose this is one of the flowers of the tall plant then what I mean by self-pollination is you take the, you take the, what do you call this, pollen grains, yeah. You take the pollen grains from the flower and put it back into the carpal of the same flower. Basically you put it back into the female reproductive part of that same flower and then it'll grow seeds and then you sow those seeds and then if you find that all the seeds grow into tall plants then that, then we will say this is a pure tall plant. This is the meaning of pure and similarly if you were to do the same thing for the short plant as well so you take one of the flowers of that short plant and then you self-pollinate meaning you take the pollen grains put it back into the same flower, let it fertilize and then you grow seeds and you sow them and if you find all of them grow into short plants not a single tall plant but all of them grow into short plants then we will call this a pure short plant. So Mendel prepared these pure breeds for his experiment a pure tall plant and a pure short plant. Let me get rid of these now. And so for his experiment you know what he does he cross-pollinates them meaning he takes the pollen grains from one of the plants and he puts it into the flower of the other and you can take it from anyone to anyone. So for example he might take the pollen grains of flower from the tall plant and then put it into the carpel or this part of the short plant so let's say he cross-fertilizes them like this and then this will start growing seeds then he sows that seeds to see what we will get after this cross-fertilization. So what do you think we will get? Well let's get rid of the flowers and make some space. So what do you think we end up with? Well I would expect to get some medium height plants because you have a short one, you have a tall one, you have a short one so maybe they get mixed and you end up with all medium-sized plants. That's a reason able to think right? But to mental surprise and to even my surprise when I learned this we get all tall plants. What? That's right, big shock, 100% of them, 100% of them end up being tall. This raises many questions. What happens to the short one? Does it have no effect at all? Why aren't we getting any medium-sized plants? Why aren't we getting any short plants? What is going on? Anyways, he addressed these plants as F1 generation plants. That's just the name that he used them. And if you are wondering why he called them F1, the word F stands for a Latin word filial. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. It means son or daughter. So that's why these plants are called F1 generation. F1 generation sons or daughters of these, you can say. But yeah, Mendel was shocked by this. So he didn't stop over here. He started asking questions. One of the main questions he was asking is, are these plants, these tall plants, the same as the parent tall plant? Are they the same? They look the same because they have the same height, but are they really the same? Is this also a pure tall plant? That's the question he started asking. And to answer that question, you know what he did? He did another experiment. He didn't stop over here. What he does next, what he does next, is he takes one of the F1 generation plant, which is basically tall. He takes one of the F1 generation plant. This is F1 generation. Oops, let me use this white color. So this is F1 generation. And he self pollinates it. Self pollinates it to see what we get. So again, it will grow seeds. And then he sows that seeds. What do you think we'll end up with? Well, surprise, surprise. Now, some short plants are found. Another shocking thing to see, right? Because again, where did these short plants come now from? Suddenly, right? And guess what? Mental even counted them. So in this F2 generation, this is the second generation sons and daughters, or offsprings. When he counted them, you know what he got? He found that there were roughly three times as much tall as you had compared to short. So the tall to short ratio was three is to one. And if you're wondering, yes, he also cross pollinated the F1 generation plants and he gets exactly the same result. Three is to one. And you know why this number is so important? Because it's not random. It turns out he gets the same answer for all the characteristics that he experiments with. I mean, for example, when he takes the color of the flower into consideration. Again, he takes a pure purple colored pea plant and crosses it with a pure white pea plant. In the first generation, you know what he gets? A similar result. This time he gets all purple colored flowers. No yellow or no white flowers at all. But then when he takes one of these F1 generation purple flower and self pollinates, guess what he gets? He now gets three times as much purple as white. White comes back. It's in minority, some small amount, three is to one ratio. But it comes back with the same ratio, three is to one. So what's going on? Why didn't we see the white flower over here? But somehow it comes back in the next generation. What is going on? Before we think of what's really going on, one thing is very sure. Our initial assumption that traits get mixed and sent to their children is absolutely wrong. Isn't it? I mean, if that was the case, we would have found some medium plants over here. Or over here, we would have found some pinkish colored flower, mix of purple and white. But we don't get that. So Mendel from his experiments conclusively proved that traits do not get mixed at all. That in itself was a huge discovery. But now he had to figure out what it all meant. And I'm going to leave you here hanging with this question as Mendel must have been left hanging with. We will look at the exciting conclusion of what all this means in the future videos. Meanwhile, ponder on this for a while. See if you can come up with any theory to explain this.


All right, so I just want to talk briefly, just a little bit about the kidney cancer association for those of you who are not familiar with the organization. Our organization was founded in 1990 by a kidney cancer patient. At that time, his diagnosis was probably very different compared to when many of you were diagnosed. There were no treatments. There was no organization for him to turn to to find any kind of information.  At the time, you know, the key things were just getting some information out there. He had information on the internet before people really knew what that was. Those were the kind of the key issues. You know, interestingly, that some of the questions being talked about before I got up here, you know, talking about the economy, talking about healthcare and so many changes. But that's something that our organization is very focused on is to continue to educate patients, to help advocate on behalf of patients all over the world and continue to help fund and promote research. And those three areas are the core of our mission and they always have been, you know, your feedback coming to these meetings is helpful to us as we move forward and face these different challenges. We're fortunate to have great advisors such as many of those you see sitting up here on our medical steering committee. We have a nurse advisory board with nurses from all over the world and we have a wonderful board of directors who, you know, sit down and discuss these same issues that you're bringing up today. So I encourage you to continue to provide us with, you know, with feedback with your thoughts. I wanted to put up, instead of, you know, just doing some slides with some screenshots of our website, just to pull up the kidney cancer association website for you, for those of you who haven't had an opportunity to visit it. This is the best place for you to come if you have questions. Currently we have on, you know, a weekly basis any time from 5 or 6 in the morning until late at night. One of us is always online and if you go to the website what you'll normally get is a pop-up that is a live chat. So somebody, myself, our CEO or another one of our staff members is available to chat with you one-on-one instantly to help you navigate the website, provide you with other resources and help you to answer your questions. Just a few key things to point out. Even here in this box, I'm not going to play it because I'm afraid I'll start hearing myself talk. This is where we have the live webcast going now. But normally there'll be weekly news up there. You'll be able to get to our YouTube channel from this box. So following the meeting, today's morning and afternoon sessions, it's in two parts. We'll be available, you can see the recorded version, and then be able to see past meetings, some of our medical symposia. And we do try to do probably every week or every other week something new that's in the news about kidney cancer as both a video and something written for our patients. Here you can get, I know some of you had asked me earlier today, we had a few copies of our publication, we have kidney cancer that is reviewed every year by our nurse advisory board. There is the pop-up. So here's where you can order a hard copy of our publication. We have kidney cancer or the companion piece, Survivor Stories, which features about a dozen patients and caregivers telling their story of kidney cancer. You can also get a free e-reader of these or download the PDF, so they're all available from that spot on our homepage. And then the other key thing, if you're looking for more opportunities to attend meetings like this, you can go to our support group meetings here and find a list of all meetings that we have, or if there's not one in your area, we can help you to get one started. Another area, kind of talking about this access to therapies and being able to cover the costs of your disease, we work with a number of organizations that will help provide financial assistance for you, help you to start fundraisers, if your family and friends want to help you to fund therapies or other costs that you might have associated with the disease, you can find that information from this page. We've also partnered this year with an organization called Lots of Helping Hands. And what this organization will do is help you to create your own community. So if you're looking for people to give you rides to the hospital to help cook meals, babysit your children, come and clean your house, they'll let you set up what you need and let people volunteer at different days of the week, different times of the month. You can update them with how you're doing. So it's just a new site that we've been testing this year and encourage you if that's something that you might find useful to set up a community with your friends and family. And then finally, too, in terms of looking for support and communicating with other patients and families, any of our social networking sites here, our Facebook has over 65,000 members now from all over the world. Many of you may already be on there and communicating with one another. Again, that's a great forum for you to provide us with feedback, with your concerns and questions that you might have. And same with our Twitter account as well. We're on there pretty regularly. And just one final area I want to point out to you to kind of, based on some of the information from today, is the drug information sheets here that's on the side menu. You probably learned a lot about some of the new therapies that are approved for kidney cancer. And our nurses have done a wonderful job over the last few months of putting these into one to two page forms. Each drug is in the same format, so you kind of can look and see what the average dosing is, what some of the side effects are, and then kind of how to manage some of these side effects. And the second phase of this, hopefully sometime by the end of this month, we should have videos that'll be companion pieces to these that the nurses have done to talk a little bit more about what these side effects are and how you can manage those.  And again, as I mentioned, we're almost always on there with the live chat. So if you're on the site and can't find something, feel free to say hello and we'll try to help you out. So are there any questions for me or anybody else on the panel? All right, well, thank you to Dr. Wood and to all the rest of our panelists and to our sponsors, Genentech and Pfizer. And thank you all for coming.


So here's the thing. Narcissists are obnoxious. Narcissists are repulsive. Narcissists are off-putting. I mean don't go far. Just look at me. And yet, when you talk to victims of narcissistic abuse and narcissists in general, they describe narcissists as sexy, irresistible, destructive, seductive. How come? Why this discrepancy between reality and image? Impressions. Impressions managed and impressions absorbed. Why this gap, this gulf, this abyss between how victims describe narcissists and the truth about narcissists? This is the topic of today's video. Nilf, NILF. No, I'm not going to say it aloud. Why narcissists are irresistible? My name is Sam Vaknin, and I'm the author of Malignance of Love. Narcissism, I'm also a former visiting professor of psychology and currently on the faculty who see ups Commonwealth Institute for Advanced Professional Studies all over the globe. Before I proceed two announcements. Tomorrow for the holidays, of course, I'm going to post a video about the psychology of loners, psychology of schizoid personality. Second announcement. There are two dozen playlists on this channel, thematic playlists divided by themes. It's a search tool. You know, the dreaded response, search the channel whenever you post a comment. So go to the playlist, find the relevant theme and then scroll through the videos in the playlist, and you're very likely to find your answer. Okay, and now to the topic. Narcissists, attractiveness, sexuality and irresistibility. Of course, the obvious thing is that narcissists and borderlies, by the way, promise you, they don't always deliver, borderlies deliver much more than narcissists, but they both promise you the best sex you've ever had, disinhibited, kinky, promiscuous, experimentative. No boundaries, no limits. Come here and realize all your fantasies, including the socially frowned upon, beyond the pale, socially unacceptable kinds. So this promise of unbridled sex, the kind of which you've never had, is very alluring. Many people fall for it. Many people regard the borderline and the narcissist as a reification of unconstrained sexuality, the ability to explore all the corners and nooks and crannies of one's fantasy world. Now this is more true when it comes to the borderline. As far as implementation and delivery, the borderline is much better than the narcissist. The narcissist usually is a disappointment in bed. He's a very bad lover, even somatic narcissists. Or actually should I say somatic narcissists are much worse than cerebral narcissists when it comes to performance in bed. But putting that aside, they have this aura, they have this image, they have this reputation for being great lovers. Lovers will take you to places you've never been, lead you down paths you've never visited and explore together with you, urges and drives and passions that were long dormant or frowned upon, as I said. So this is the surface reason. And many people, when you're many victims, when you ask them why did you gravitate towards the narcissist, they said, well, he promised me great sex.  And when you ask victims, what do you miss the most? They very often answer the sex. Sex, the likes of which I've never had and never likely to have again. It's like a promised land, a paradise, a garden, a terra incognita, where one wanders and comes across exotic animals and acts and indescribable acts. So, but this reason is very superficial. It cannot account for the irresistibility of the narcissist. The wrong perception of the narcissist is charming, as seductive, as someone with whom you could have the best psychosexuality of your life. Not only the sex, but the psychological elements surrounding the sex. And so there is here a misrepresentation, this false advertising, which works. Are these messages subliminal? Does the narcissist push buttons? Does he trigger you in any way? What is the secret? The secret source, excuse the pun, of the narcissist. Another issue is the uncanny valley. Now, it's well documented that more or less on a first encounter there is a sense of unease, a sense of discomfort, a sense of something gone awry, something off-key, something wrong. Now, the vast majority of people, on a first date, with a narcissist, they experience this uncanny valley, they experience this discomfort, this ominous kind of ambience, these things are about to go bad, feeling this gut instinct that tells them to run away, this intuition that keeps warning them, the alarm bells, they experience all this, but they deny these things. Because, for example, they're very lonely and they're willing to compromise and they're willing to suppress all these warning signs and red alerts just in order to be with someone, anyone, even a narcissist. But the uncanny valley is a universal reaction. But, and yet, the reaction to this reaction, the second step, having experienced the uncanny valley, the reaction is not universal. Uncanny valley is universal, the reaction to the uncanny valley is not universal. The narcissist generates, in people, what we call polarized made-selection responses. Let me translate this to English. The narcissist is irresistible to some people with highly specific psychological profiles, for example, the borderline or the codependent or the people-pleaser. These subgroups in the population, again, with a highly specific psychopathological profile, react to the narcissist as if the narcissist were an irresistible proposition, something that cannot be turned down. They are like in a state of trance or hypnosis. They're out of control. They are being rendered robotic or automatic. They relegate or outsource their functions to the narcissist. From that moment on, he is in full charge of their behaviors. So this is one reaction. All others find the narcissist repulsive and creepy. So we have a polarized reaction. Either you find the narcissist, a monster, someone to avoid, a freak with bizarre emanations, a myosmic creature, and then, of course, it's a yuck, yikes reaction. It's like just wanting to stay away. Something slimy. So that's one group of people. Or you find the narcissist, utterly the answer to your sexual dreams and to your romantic dreams. No one finds the narcissist in, no one is indifferent to the narcissist. Either you hate the narcissist, either you reject the narcissist, either you find the narcissist in unacceptable proposition, or you are drawn to the narcissist inexorably without any self-control and unable to stop the gravitational pull of the narcissist to somehow oppose it or confront it. No one is in the middle. No one is totally oblivious to the narcissist, totally indifferent to the narcissist. Couldn't care less about the narcissist. There's no one like that. So the narcissist creates polarized reactions. And now I want to delve a bit into the etiology. The reason, the reasons that the narcissist provokes these amazing behavioral transformations and shifts in people, as if the narcissist was some kind of neutron star of black hole and its gravitational field or pool diverts you from your orbit as if you become a planet of the of the narcissist or ejected by the narcissist. So what are the reasons? Number one, danger. The narcissist is scary. Now he is not scary overtly, not always. He is not scary explicitly. Only psychopathic narcissists are. But when you're with the narcissist, there's always a sense of menace, a sense that something bad may happen, might happen, doesn't have to happen, might, may not happen, but definitely might happen. There's always an expectation of a loss of control and an external locus of control that may lead you to bad places, definitely to make bad decisions and bad choices. So there's a sense of danger and danger is an aphrodisiac. If you are, if you are a thrills seeker, a novelty seeker, or a risk taker or risk seeker, if you have this in your personality, you respond well to adventure, to defiance, to recklessness, to aggression, to thrills, to novelty, to risks, to the unexpected, the unpredictable. If all these arouse you and excite you, then the narcissist and the psychopath and the psychopathic narcissists, malignant narcissists, they are your perfect match because they deliver these almost on a minute-by-minute basis. You perceive, if you are this kind of person, a novelty seeker, a thrills seeker, a risk taker, if you are this kind of person, you perceive danger not only as an aphrodisiac, but you perceive it as a winner strategy. The fact that the narcissist and the psychopath generate risk zones or risky zones around themselves, the fact that they introduce chaos in determinacy and uncertainty into the environment renders them in your eyes winners, as if they are godlike figures who are able to determine the future in a way that it is not always expected. So danger, sexual attraction and impression management, rendering the narcissist and the psychopath winners and we are attracted to winners. Now don't confuse winners with alpha males, the monosphere nonsense. Winners are people who prevail, people who guarantee favorable outcomes, can extricate, extract favorable outcomes from the environment. Danger is an aphrodisiac and self-confidence is an aphrodisiac, especially in the case of the overt narcissist and the psychopath. There is a broadcast, a constant transmission of self-confidence and self-esteem. Now this is extremely attractive because many people need and require external regulation. If you're with a self-confident person, if you're with a person whose self-esteem is stratospheric, skyrockets, then this kind of person can regulate your emotions, stabilize your moods, provide you with solutions, mediate reality for you, protect you, from pain and hurt and worse. This kind of person is a rock, is an entity which is essentially angelic or godlike, divine. So the narcissist's overt manufactured, affected, ostentatious self-confidence is a huge, huge lure. It's very alluring and attractive because it allows you to relax, to let go. You kind of hand over leadership of the situation to the narcissist. He becomes your guide. It's a little, it involves regression with a parental figure. So people with daddy issues or mommy issues would be very attracted to the narcissist because the narcissist communicated self-confidence is parental in nature and this is this is the idea of the dual mothership, my principle of the dual mothership. The narcissist broadcasts to you. You don't need to think. You don't need to make decisions. You don't need to choose. You don't need to sort out between alternatives and you don't need to bear the brand of the consequences of your actions. You can hand over responsibility to me.  I can love you unconditionally, but at the very same time, I can provide you with a womb-like matrix, a womb-like environment. There is an alleviation of responsibility. Now, many people who are attracted to narcissists, who find narcissists irresistible, they have auto-plastic defenses. They tend to blame themselves. When things go wrong, defeats and failures, when people feel bad, the typical victim would blame herself. She would feel guilty and ashamed as if she is responsible for everyone's well-being and happiness. And again, when I say she, it's a he, and he is a she. Half of all narcissists are women. Okay, so when the narcissist, when you first come across a narcissist, his self-confidence and self-esteem inform you of the possibility that you could just let go. You could hand over everything to the narcissist and he will take care of everything. And therefore, you don't need to feel guilty anymore. It's not about only about, not only about abrogation of responsibility. It's also about soothing. It's a soothing thing. It's a comforting thing. Because if you're not responsible, you're not guilty.  So in other words, the narcissist's self-confidence negates the bad object. It silences the bad object in you. And this is very parental and very loving, deceived and is very loving and very caring and so on and so forth.  The narcissist offers to you, literally on the first date, a shared fantasy. And the shared fantasy is a panacea. It's a cure, cure all. It solves all your wounds. It solves all your problems. It takes care of your future. It makes you feel unique, chosen. The shared fantasy is Disneyland. So the narcissist is partly irresistible because of his ability to spin a narrative or yarn, a piece of fiction, a movie in which you are the star. Indeed, this is the whole of mirrors. When you get infatuated with the narcissist, when you're sexually attracted to the narcissist, when you find the narcissist irresistible, it's because the narcissist idealizes you. The narcissist allows you to see yourself, to perceive yourself through his idealizing gaze as a perfect entity, sexual, drop dead gorgeous. He is gorgeous, a new drop dead. It's an auto erotic thing. So the Faustian deal with the narcissist, the deal with the devil, is a twofer, a double yummy. You can fall in love with the narcissist, limerence and infatuation. You can be attracted to the narcissist. You can want to have sex with the narcissist.  You would end up falling in love with your idealized, perfect rendition. For the first time in your life maybe, you will experience true self-love, unconditional self-love the way a mother loves. You'd be able to parent yourself in effect. And all this is part and parcel of the narcissist's package. And one of the main reasons you find him attractive. The narcissist's sex is performative. The narcissist masturbates with your body. The narcissist uses your body to induce in himself a rousal and gratification that is essentially self-centered. The narcissist in sex is a performer, an actor. The emphasis is on performance criteria and benchmarks and yardsticks. It's all very quantifiable. They can exercise in accounting.  Many narcissists engage in essentially sadistic practices.  The narcissist is just there to enact these fantasies. It's a kind of role-play. Even in these cases, there is a feeling of objectification.   And the use the narcissist makes of your body on the one hand could be perceived from the outside as dehumanizing and so on and so forth. But actually many victims report sexual excitation and sexual arousal because they're able for the first time to see themselves as sexual objects through the narcissist eyes and then to realize all the fantasies that they could not openly discuss and agree on with previous partners.  Narcissism is a personality disorder, a rigid pattern.  Very few people can resist this. Now, everything I've said until now pertains to the overt narcissist, the grandiose narcissist, which we increasingly are beginning to consider in the literature as a subspecies of a psychopath. What about the covert narcissist? Well, the covert narcissist and the cerebral narcissist. These are two types. The cerebral narcissist is essentially asexual and so women would not find the cerebral narcissist irresistible or even attractive, definitely not sexy. The energy and the broadcast of the cerebral narcissist is utterly sexless, neutral, neutral, so he's a neuter. So, the cerebral narcissist is a special case. Among narcissists, even when the cerebral narcissist is overt, even when his brain, his intellect and his intelligence are on spectacular fireworks display, even when sapiosexual partners, women, if he is a man, even if sapiosexual women approach him overtly, explicitly and offer themselves to him, it would never transform itself, the exchange, the communication would never convert itself into sex or into anything resembling sex or into romance, into any type of interaction, which is intimate. So, the cerebral narcissist sometimes is perceived as attractive and even sexy or irresistible, mainly by sapiosexuals, sapiosexuals are people who are attracted to intellect, to intelligence. And so, this is the constituency of the cerebral narcissist, but he would never allow this to be translated into anything but verbal exchange. And if there's any attempt at flirting or courting, he would walk away. In part, this gratifies the sadistic urge of the cerebral, this way he, by walking away, he frustrates the other party, which gives him a sense of omnipotence and uniqueness. He doesn't need sex, it renders him superior somehow. He is not subject to animal instincts and beastly drives, like all others. He is not like all others, so that makes him unique. And so, this is the cerebral, the covert narcissist is sexual, he is not asexual, he wants to have sex, but of course he is shy and timid and fragile and vulnerable, so he has a problem with this. And so, many covert narcissists become de facto in cells, in voluntary celibates, with all the baggage of in cells, poor self-image and rage at the other party, at other people for not initiating and a sense of entitlement to sex and so on. So, the whole in-cell package is built into the covert narcissist. The covert narcissist feels that he has to bribe women, to just look at him, to even look at him, to regard him at all. Exactly like the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist is infantile and cannot maintain a relationship with another person, a woman, if he is heterosexual. Both covert and overt are faced with this problem, their immaturity, their stunted or arrested development and growth, their lack of coherent ego or self-constellated, integrated self. This render them non-entities.  Same with women, of course, who are narcissists. They're not real men and women. They can't be real men and women, because the gender role involves elements of maturity, of adulthood and other empathy and other components or ingredients which are missing with the narcissist. So, the narcissist knows in advance that he has to bribe the covert narcissist. He is to bribe the other party, a woman if he is heterosexual, to even pay attention to him and all narcissists know that their relationships are doomed because of past experience and because they realize that they don't possess the skills, the minimal skills to maintain and sustain a relationship with another person and that it is bound to end up badly. Betrayal, cheating, infidelity, divorce, discard, devaluation, acrimony, hatred even, and so on and so forth. So, what these narcissists do, they assume, they catastrophize, they assume that the relationship is likely to end up in betrayal. The betrayal could be infidelity, it could be any other form of betrayal and so they preempt the betrayal. They preempt the betrayal by pushing the partner away. They encourage and induce the partner to betray them at their behest. They neglect the partner or they feign indifference, see if I care. Or they subtly encourage the partner to walk away and if none of this works, they devalue the partner, abuse the partner and discard the partner. But the covert narcissist and the cerebral narcissist is distinct from the overt. What I'm about to say does not apply to the overt or grandiose narcissist. One could even say that what I'm about to say is the exact opposite when it comes to the overt and the grandiose. So, the cerebral and the covert are also craven, the cowards.  They're also paranoid. So, their paranoia feeds into their craveness and cowardice. They seek the approval of peers in order to fend off possible aggression, verbal or physical. So, they gang up on their own intimate partners with others. So, if the covert narcissist is in company and let's say he's a man and his intimate partner is a woman. As I said, half of all narcissists are women and 10 to 20% of the population are homosexual. So, you can definitely apply everything I'm saying to all these combinations. I restrict myself to a heterosexual example. So, if a man, if a covert narcissist who is a man is with his wife or girlfriend in company and she's being attacked by other men, he is not likely to be protective of her on the very contrary. He will gang up on her with these other men because he would be scared, afraid of protecting her and confronting these men. And even when the covert narcissist partner, intimate partner, is approached by other men, flirted with, courted, openly, preyed upon by other men in his presence, he is not likely to react. He's too terrified to do anything. He's just likely to slink away or pretend that he's oblivious to what's happening or encourage the situation, thereby gaining a sense of control. I made it happen. So, covert narcissist and cerebral narcissist, and by the way, cerebral narcissist, when I say cerebral narcissist, it doesn't matter if they are actively cerebral or if they have temporarily transitioned to a somatic phase because there's a dominant type and a recessive type. A cerebral narcissist in whatever stage, a cerebral narcissist would typically encourage their intimate partners to cheat, to seek others. And the idea is to get rid of a partner somehow, at least for a while, or maybe even permanently, within the separation and individuation phase, but also, and no less crucially, to preempt inevitable infidelity, regaining a sense of control. She did cheat on me, but it's because I encouraged her to cheat on me. I put her in touch with her lover. I made it happen. This is called an external solution to potential modification. So, coming back to the issue of irresistibility and sexiness and attractiveness and so on and so forth. Cerebral narcissists may attract supeosexuals. When they're in somatic phase, they may attract everyone. Similarly, covert narcissists may attract partners and do attract partners, but that's because of false information, false advertising, misrepresentation. The attraction in the case of narcissists wanes and fades very fast and is replaced with trauma bonding. So, the narcissist doesn't remain irresistible or sexy or charming or amazing for long. Actually, the whole thing disintegrates and this is dismantled and fades, like by the third meeting or fifth meeting or something. It's very fast. It's the alacrity with which the narcissist's charisma and aura fade and wane is amazing. And then the victim transitions to a more realistic view of the narcissist. And a realistic view of the narcissist is that the narcissist is an infant who is petulant, obnoxious and seriously repulsive. But then it's too late. The victim had become a hostage and is captive to intermittent reinforcement and other techniques and training and so on. And to the trauma-bonded shared fantasy, wherein she had become addicted to the whole of mirror's effect and to the dual mothership. The narcissist, like a spider, has captured her in his web. When the partner wakes up to the situation, when she sovers up, many partners walk away. Others who are weaker or perhaps have ulterior motives and hidden agendas, gold diggers for example. So other partners don't walk away. They don't break up, either because they don't have the moral spine to do so or because, as I said, they have good reasons to stay, money for example. So what they do, they elope with other men, sometimes ostentatiously in order to triangulate and sometimes secretly and discreetly. But even when the covert narcissist or the cerebral narcissist finds out and even when it's done in his presence, these narcissists are too cowardly, they're ingratiating and they're also self, they're defeatist, they're pessimists. They say, what's the point of fighting? I'm going to lose. Remember that the covert narcissist has an inferior perception of himself, perception of himself as inferior, an inferiority complex, an active bed object. So the covert narcissists and the cerebral narcissists do not regard themselves as attractive in any sense of the word and definitely realize that they're not able to satisfy the needs of a mature partner, especially the sexual needs of a mature partner and even the romantic or need for intimacy. So they give up in advance. Whenever the partner shows interest in another person, they just give up because they don't believe they can compete with that other person. They don't have, they have nothing to offer. A common way of putting it, even a 10% men is superior to the covert narcissists or the cerebral narcissists who are 0% men. So they experience humiliating modification by the men, by the other party, not by the intimate partner, but by the person the intimate partner teams up with. They're mortified by the fact that they are being egregiously disrespected and ignored. This negates the grandiose self-perception as perhaps awe-inspiring or feared or respected by other people. When the intimate partner of a covert narcissist or a cerebral narcissist no longer finds the narcissist attractive or sexy or irresistible or whatever and she gravitates towards another person. This is mortifying, humiliating. It triggers all the shame in the narcissist because it challenges the narcissist fantastic inflated grandiose self-image as perfect as I don't know feared or respected or or so. The narcissist in this case undergoes modification and usually the partners of cerebral narcissists and covert narcissists they select alternatives to the narcissists which present themselves as saviours or rescuers or fixers or healers or moral crusaders. The alternative to the narcissist, the guy who poachers the narcissist's girlfriend or the guy who poachers the narcissist's wife or the woman who poachers the narcissist's husband or her boyfriend. They usually paint the narcissist as insufferably hotty, bullying, contemptible, craven, monster or fraudster and in vast majority of cases they're absolutely right. So it's not a difficult task and then there's what Cartman called the triangle, the drama triangle where there's the narcissist who is cast by everyone involved is an irredeemable incorrigible abuser. There's the saviour or rescuer or healer or fixer or crusader who saves or rescues the damsel in distress which is who is the narcissist intimate partner. In all this process attraction, sexiness, irresistibility, lures, all these shapeshift all the time. Cartman was the first to describe it actually in his work. At some point the narcissist intimate partner may and very often does re-idealize the narcissist and so finds him again charming and irresistible and attractive and gravitates towards him and away from the saviour and the rescuer and then the triangle or the cycle starts again. So this is the picture. As you see romantic and sexual interactions between narcissists and their intimate partners or potential intimate partners are not clear cut and they cannot be reduced to a simple formula. Depends who the narcissist is. Cerebellum and co-verts react one way or verts, grandiose or verts react another. In another way depends who the other party the intimate partner is. Is she a borderline? Is she a co-dependent? Does she have daddy issues? Does she have mommy issues? Is she there just for the sex and to realize fantasies? Does she find the narcissist irresistible because he is self-confident and has self-esteem? Is it his money? Is she looking for a sugar daddy looking for a sugar daddy or is she a gold digger? There are numerous scenarios but all of them involve the narcissistic pathology. Remember pathologies resonate. Pathologies amplify each other. Pathologies identify each other instantly. Pathologies react to each other and pathologies merge and fuse in a fantastic space to create a third pathology which is the fantasy itself. And all the attractiveness and sexiness and charm and charisma and aura and irresistibility imputed to the narcissist by himself if he is grandiose or verts or by others if he is cerebral and covert they are just artifacts. They are not real. They are ingredients and elements and figments of fantasy. Like everything else in the narcissist world none of this is happening. It's all a dream state or a nightmare state depending which side of the equation you are. And it all fades and wanes and evaporates into tendrils of ectoplasm and smoke and mirrors. And so we need to look deep in each and every case. One of the things you have to do as a victim of narcissistic abuse is ask yourself why did why did I find him attractive? Did I actually fall in love with myself? Was it a narcissistic reaction? Did I find the danger, the risk, the thrill, the adventure irresistible, not the narcissist? Was the fantasy what I was looking for? Did I want to escape, escape, avoid reality, escape from reality? Was I giving up on my life? Was I rejecting life and handing it over to my narcissist, to the narcissist so that he can manage my life or micromanage my life? What was at stake here? You should ask yourself all these questions because if you don't, it's going to happen again and again. This is what is known as repetition, compulsion.


Garrett's one of the one of if not the best pitchers in the league and Jameson's head has spurts when he's healthy where you know He's right up there, you know that that top tier pitchers to and You know, Severino if if he's able to come back healthy, obviously he's got you know, great stuff and has proven that he can Pitch that extremely high level too, and I know that they've got some younger guys in that rotation They got a chance to pitch last year. They feel really good about so, you know, I think that it's it's like any Rotation a year, you know, I think that you can you can feel as good as you want about it in January, February, March but I think it's all about that process of of getting you know through a spring training and getting ready for the season and hitting the ground running when you do and then Staying as consistent, you know one through five or one through six Whatever it ends up working out without with off days, you know throughout the course of the season as long as possible Thanks, Cory. Yep Another from Bruce Beck WNBC. Go ahead Bruce Hey, Cory Any trepidation any fear about coming back and starting anew with the Yankees and part two of the question is was there ever a moment You thought you fired your last pitch No, not at all you know, I think that There's definitely some frustrating moments for me, especially last summer. You know, I felt like I had You know from when I've got hit by the comebacker to when I pitched my first game last summer I'd gone I think it was close to 15 months without pitching a game and then, you know, only pitch one inning Before being injured again. Obviously that wasn't you know, I'm extremely frustrating time for me, but I don't think I ever Got down on myself for it. I think that I was I was frustrated but not Not beating myself up about it You know, I knew that I did everything that I could do during the pandemic to keep myself ready and stuff It's just kind of one of those the way I look at it was one of those deals was a you know short end of the straw bad bad break sort of thing and You know, I just I started to attack my rehab right away and try to prepare myself for this upcoming season the best I could And the challenge of pitching into york, do you embrace that? Yeah, you know, I don't I don't think that it it weighed on my decision one way or the other. Um, you know, I don't No offense, but I don't pay too much attention to what uh, what media says or doesn't say about me. Anyways, so I don't think that You know, that'll have much to do with it. I do think that obviously the Yankees are a Historic franchise and they have a great fan base and a big following So I think that'll be something hopefully over the course of summer something fun to be a part of you know And fans are coming back in the stadium and stuff


H.T.M.I. Has anyone done a presentation on R yet? Any R presentations? Really? Oh, that's terrible.  Let's talk a bit about R. I talked to about Python last time I was here so I'll talk about R this time. I'm from New Zealand. I'm from Singapore now but obviously not got a strong Singaporean accent yet. La. So from New Zealand originally, New Zealand is of course the birthplace of the R programming language. Really the birthplace of the modern R programming language. It was originally born as the S language in the US. So I thought I'd come and talk a bit about doing large scale machine learning. We have a service called Azure Batch. We have these things called low priority VMs that are like super cheap and so even if you've got a really nice workstation at home, there's some cool things you can do with the cloud in terms of doing large scale training. So there's typically two scenarios when you want to work and think of this as really high performance compute. The first is what would call embarrassingly parallel. So basically every single one of my tasks can run completely independently from the other. They can go off, they can run, I can aggregate the results at the end. We've had some discussion these, right? Modular simulations. Great example of an embarrassingly parallel workload. So really I'm only bounded by the limitation of my credit card limit in terms of how much I scale this workload up. Transcoding, rendering. We're going to talk a bit shortly about doing things like hyper parameter optimizations and cross validation, right? If you think about doing a k-fold cross validation on the model, everybody familiar with k-fold cross validation, right? Instead of having a hold out set, we're on the model five, 10 times, hold out a different 20% every time. Is this my con even? No. It is? This one's on. Well, I'm all wearing this one. Ah, I thought it was just to make me look silly. So k-fold cross validation embarrassingly parallel, right?  That's the easy scenario, right? The hardest scenario you could sort of call tightly coupled or, you know, situations where all of the nodes that are participating in the high-performance compute problem need to have some intermediary update of information during the compute process. And did anybody come to my session here last time where we talked a bit about doing large-scale beat neural network training? I mean, that's a canonical example of having to keep something updated as you go. So literally every time we run a mini batch, we need to update the weights across the entire cluster. So in that situation, a compute problem basically turns into a networking problem. Fundamentally, once you start to scale that large-scale deep neural network problem, right, it turns into a networking problem where ultimately you are limited in scale in terms of how quickly you can transfer weights or gradients between GPUs and ultimately across the network between GPUs and multiple nodes. So I talked about the second one last time, today I'm going to talk a bit about the first one and we're going to use R because, and then often you'll get situations where actually you've got hybrid-type scenarios where there's stuff that can go on in parallel, i.e. I'm doing a k-fold cross-validation to perform hyperparameter optimization on a neural net that I'm training across multiple GPUs on multiple machines. So typically how you'd like to try and handle that is you might localize the deep neural net training to a single node, so four, five, four to eight GPUs, but then run multiple nodes, each one of those nodes running the fold of the cross-validation and then run multiple sets of cross-validations, each cross-validation doing hyperparameter optimization. As you can imagine you're using quite a lot of compute so it's nice for it to be not too expensive. So we have this thing called Azure Batch and Azure Batch is basically a sort of an HPC orchestration layer that sits on top of compute in the Azure Cloud and it's basically a way of doing a really managing large-scale distributed jobs, either sort of stateful MPI type jobs or stateless embarrassing parallel sorts of things. Uses for lots of different things. We talked last time about doing Python and doing stateful stuff with TensorFlow and Horovob. This time we'll talk a little bit about using it with R. Does anybody know the R language? Yeah, see heaps. Why have we not talked about R today? It's bias, right? They didn't know I was going to talk about R today. Think if I said it they'd probably say you could just stay on the plane. So fundamentally this is about working in parallel so some of the key things you might like to do you know you try different network designs doing hyperparameter tuning cross-validation those sorts of things. We have good support in batch for multi GPU setups and MPI type scenarios and probably the thing that's most unique in terms of the machines that we have in our cloud is we haven't finny banned in those machines. As I said earlier if you start doing really big scale deep neural network training fundamentally it's not about who's got the fastest GPUs it's about who's got the fastest networking between machines. So there are some benefits I'll talk about a little bit later maybe around the way that GPUs and finny band work together. The TLDR is if you're going to build your own machine learning cluster and finny band is great and unfortunately if you're trying to optimize for multiple machines you can't get away with using GTX cards because the GeForce cards our friends at Nvidia cripple them so they don't work with GPU direct which was required for high performance path from GPU through to infinity band network adapter. Anyway I'm not going to talk about deep neural network training today. So a few concepts around batch so ultimately this is about how we map an algorithm out to a cluster of machines when you work with batch you start up one or more pools of machines those pools can contain both standard and low priority VMs so standard machines are anywhere from sort of six well low priority VMs anywhere from sort of a 60 to 90 discount of standard so to give you a gauge our NC24 v3 machines have four voltage GPUs so for v100s there are about 14 bucks on on normal dime per hour and a buck 40 per hour on on low priority that's still not cheap enough to arbitrage mining bitcoins and Ethereum because I tried I did the math on that but it's actually a really really cheap way of getting a lot a lot of GPU compute power. Batch was built around this idea of job distribution so basically it's a it's a QE than job distribution mechanism and that's really important for these highly parallelizable workloads because literally you want to treat you know every job is fungible you can just split the jobs around all over the cluster there are some benefits with that in terms of being able to run heterogeneous clusters which is which is good for these sort of embarrassingly parallel workloads no good if you're training deep neural nets deep neural net you want a homogenous cluster of the same size machines so basically you'll create jobs and within a job there's one or more tasks Batch will manage mediating those tasks out around the cluster and in the case of low priority VMs which can get killed at any time if we want the capacity back it's the quid pro quo for giving you a 90% discount if we shoot the VM Batch is going to start another one and it's going to replay those tasks that weren't able to complete so it's reasonably fire and forget you know and there are strategies for dealing with those preemptible VMs like running multiple pools running pools of different size machines keeping a good track of which machines get shot most frequently and maybe changing machine types to minimize the amount of downtime the thing is that once you're into you know pools of hundreds or thousands of cores actually you know you're kind of going to get stuff shot but stuff's going to fall over anyway so you might as well be durable to that you want to have some sort of stateful storage back end and push and pull state out of durable storage because these machines are ultimately not durable I won't go through this in detail but I'll make sure the slides that are going up on a website somewhere afterwards yes awesome so these can go up on the slides I mean key things to call out are it's cross platform so obviously it can run anything you want my strong strong guidance is to run Linux and not run Windows on it unless you really need to run Windows workloads the reason being that we while we discount the virtual machine time we don't discount the Windows license all right so so suddenly you've got this dollar 40 volt machine that's using a whole lot of cores and you're paying like two bucks for a Windows license and a buck 40 for your GPUs so just unless you really need to run Windows like you know you've got some crazy Dassault systems simulation environment and it only runs on Windows run Linux pick your poison Ubuntu red hat sent us whatever the low priority VMs are the key to this and I think I even pulled up the pricing page just before for shits and giggles so go have a look at the pricing page all right you know so these are these are pretty quick machines 64 vCPUs 64 cents an hour on low priority with those embarrassingly parallel workloads you don't necessarily need to run the biggest machine every time all right because again you can if you're chunking these workloads up into nice small discrete units then actually you might be better to run 32 d2s rather than 1d64 all right just means you've got a little bit more resilience if we start shooting machines so it's a pretty sophisticated job orchestration engine that is tightly coupled to the way Azure works which means it really understands how things operate in terms of optimizing job distribution around the data center and things like that as I said low priority VMs are the key there built on top of that we have a thing called batch shipyard it's in github it's basically a dockerization framework on top of azure batch so as long as you can dockerize your workload makes it super easy to to get stuff running in batch with complex machine configurations and complex machine configurations that are still reasonably lightweight right a lot of people the kind of a default fallback is you start up your batch cluster using the azure data science vm base image which is basically a windows or a linux vm loaded to the gil's latest anaconda latest tensorflow latest bloody everything that's great except it's kind of ginormous which means the machines start getting shot it takes a long time to stand them back up again so you really do want to for a really big job workload you want to be aggressive in terms of how you optimize your images to get as fast a start up as possible batch shipyard lets you do that by default we have all the underlying support including invidia docker to make it really easy to run dockerized deep learning workflows so that's really good for both npi type scenarios ie you know tensorflow cntk blah blah blah as well as highly parallelizable scenarios the one i'm going to talk about today seen as nobody has talked about are yet as a thing called do azure parallel again up on github with a bunch of examples and do azure parallel is a parallel back end that uses azure batch as the back end execution engine so the way that r works for parallelization is that you register a parallel back end and then a number of other libraries things like the for each library and other you know parallel list applies and things use that parallel back end to distribute their work do azure parallel is a parallel back end that's able to distribute work out across azure batch and i had a demo but i got off the plane and it wasn't working but that's okay because i can at least show you the code it's not that one so let me take you through is that visible i'd need to make it a bit bigger at the back bigger yep they nod tools options for those of you sitting there this is our fantastic programming language we have this little thing going on right let's try that big enough okay so pretty simple make sure you got dev tools in store because we pull this stuff out of github we have a we have an r library called r azure batch which is a library for working with batch clusters because there will be situations where you just want to work with batch natively and then this thing called do azure parallel right which is just like things like do snow and other parallel back ends install both of those load the libraries configure some credentials and the credentials are pretty simple so the credentials are really just if you take a photograph of that you'll be able to log in and use my batch account and stand up all sorts of crazy stuff we're not gonna i'll make sure we remove this after the video so we basically configure a batch account with a key to access and a url a storage account again a key to access i'm going to flush those keys as soon as we're done here don't even get any ideas right and there's probably there's a little bit of there's a little bit of entropy off the end to um that you're gonna have to work through um then we specify our cluster configuration so in this case i've specified that i want my my pool to use d2 v2 machines and i want to use low priority machines right so i'm gonna use my entire pool is using low prime machines three nodes of d2 v2 so those d2s are going to give me a couple of cpu cores and they're going to cost me not a lot well v3 is going to cost me two cents an hour right um and they're pretty they're reasonably chunky gpu cores right 2673 v4 cpu cores um so that's probably as good as most people have on their workstation certainly uh they're nicer cpu cores than my workstation at home uh we can specify it to autoscale in this case autoscale is not going to do diddly squat because we've said min size and max size are the same but we can actually configure this so that we specify a min size of one a max size of 30 and based on queue length azure batch will automatically stand up and tear down machines based on the queue length and based on how fast those jobs are executing and we're flushing the queue we then specify a docker container and this is just going to go and pull that docker container directly out of docker hub so piece of cake push your docker container to docker hub run the thing bob's your auntie's live and love her off you go um then we specify the r packages that we want it to install uh it can install from crann it can install from bioconductor it can install from github and actually it can also install from a private github repo you need to provide a github access token in the credentials which i haven't done but if you want to install um either private docker containers uh or um out of private github repos uh so run through load load everything create our cluster and then it's going to boot that cluster up and it it's it's synchronous for that call so it's going to wait until the whole cluster is up before it starts dishing jobs up out of that and from there in it's literally just a case of running any old r code that uses a parallel back end so in this case this demo uses uh the carrot uh machine learning meta framework anybody use carrot read the book by like a max kuhn kuhn great book great library it's basically a meta framework for doing things like cross validation um you know data encoding and things like that uh so we can use this for cross validation hyper parameter optimization of say a random forest gbm uh and so forth load some data split create a fit control so the fit control is the way that we tell carrot um what we want it to do so in this case we're telling it to do a repeated cross validation 10 times using 10 folds and we're going to do a random search across um a hyper parameter space allow parallel equals true basically tells it to use the parallel back end and we've registered that we're going to use do azure parallel is our parallel back end so basically what's going to happen now when i execute this on my local machine it's actually going to push these tasks out to azure and execute them in the azure back end um so off my local machine if you've got a big data set you're probably not going to want to do this off your local machine into the cloud you're probably going to want to have a two-step process where you've got some sort of work station running in the cloud um and you kick the whole process off up there so you're not talking over the worldwide internet uh to get your data up there you know and literally it's then just a case of running train and this is what's not working for me at the moment um so you just run train that's going to use the parallel back end to execute um execute your work once you're finished stop the cluster um that's going to tear everything back down um and get you back to spending zero dollars thoughts interesting anybody doing this already anybody got a nice cluster at work no because this i mean the nice thing about this is that you don't pay anything unless you're using it um so it's and then you can have as much as you want as long as you've got a good credit cut to it um so that's that's do azure parallel and again anything that you can parallelize and are you can spread across a cluster using do azure parallel uh then we have this thing called batch ai and batch ai is basically a deep learning optimized optimized service built across the top of batch this is what i showed last time i won't go into it in a whole lot of detail but basically if you're doing distributed deep learning uh then batch ai gives you a bunch of simple python uh in command line apis to be able to uh execute your deep neural network training at scale um and there's a recording on the singapore tech recording website where i'll talk through using what's it called fos asia website on the fos asia website uh there's a thing on using a tool called horror vod to train tensorflow models and it's basically a distributed optimizer for tensorflow so if you need to run big tensorflow models it's a good way to go lots of data storage options um and again it's going to be a case of optimizing your approach to data storage based on things like how long your tasks run so you'll need to decide if you want to actually pull data local uh or read data offer a remote store every time um local disk uh we have a thing called azure files which is basically file share built across the top of azure storage uh we have a thing called azure blobs which is familiar with aws is basically like s3 and then we have a fuse driver for that so if you're using linux you can basically mount a blob straight into linux there's a native um hba using fuse which is kind of sweet uh i've got managed nfs um and then for really big scenarios you may want to take advantage of the fact that batch shipyard actually supports standing up parallel file clusters um things like luster gluster and so forth um pretty much mount your file share and get after it um i'm a big fan of getting my data into my fastest data store first so for example if i'm training a deep learning model i am not going to read many batches over the network and you're not going to either um because all you're going to do is choke on file io and you're going to leave your gpu sitting there idle and while i'd love to take your money it's a bad idea so please pull your data locally um especially if you run a big machine with lots of ram it can actually be a good idea to just pull that and stick it in a ram disk because again you want to be as optimized as possible for getting data through the cpu or gpu how do you have a time two minutes let's talk quickly about harbour in the cloud tip number one gpu direct is really important so gpu direct is the mechanism by which your gpu can talk directly to your infini band adapter if you don't have an infini band adapter well that's kind of shitty um but if you do have an infini band adapter um then this is really important um and unfortunately that means you have to be using the tesla class um gpu's from invidia because they disable it for um the the gtx cards uh in terms of the the gpu's running in our clouds uh we've got volted gpu's uh currently is our nicest gpu um and the biggest machine we have is four by v100s uh with a with a 56 gig infini band adapter in it i've spoken a bit about the spare capacity vms which is um really azure batch you know and then sort of final tips and tricks uh point number one use linux uh and that really is so that you're getting full advantage of the low priority vm prices because we don't discount the windows license really the only reason to be running windows for your hpc workloads in azure is if you really need a windows operating system to be supported by your third party software vendor um otherwise you're much better to run linux um and then just make sure that you are fully utilizing all the hardware that you have so optimize your task size and your job size and batch um to take full advantage uh and optimize your data pipeline so that you're not doing things like your data prep while you've got an expensive cluster stood up uh scale for for the um for the tightly coupled workloads um scale up biggest biggest cpu biggest gpu first then out more gpu's in a single machine and then out into multiple nodes all right so don't find yourself running like half a dozen nc6 machines or with a single gpu in them all right actually stand up machines with more gpu's before you break out into to running multiple machines um and as i said job and cluster management tool makes it really easy um so if you're doing anything with r um and particularly if you're going to use anything something like mlr or carrot or one of those those meta learning frameworks um this gives you really cheap and easy access to a compute cluster to do things like grid searches and stuff so if you like to overfit to the kaggle public leaderboard this is a really excellent way of doing it because you can tune the crap out of your hyper parameters and be the most overfit model in the public leaderboard sorry that's an inside joke for the kagglers in the room hope that was useful got i'm tired now guys really good to talk i'm chris from microsoft i run an engineering team here in singapore so we basically build cool shit with customers and i am hiring deep learning and machine learning people at the moment three open heads so if that sounds like you find me on linkedin really easy and hit me up for a copy cheers questions query thoughts comments everybody's blown away did i talk slowly enough yeah no this dude's got one so why now like you basically it's a casual embarrassingly parallel way but let's say you don't want to do a really big regression because i have a lot of data yeah so do a really big regression now because i've got lots of data you mean my first port of call is just to run a really really really big machine you know so i mean literally if you if you want to do that the easiest way to do it is run a really big machine so both ourselves and amazon have really big machines like big machines i'm talking you know a couple of terabytes of ram then you can load your data set into ram and process a couple of terabytes in ram if that's still too hard there are external memory libraries for r so there's a bunch of sort of free and open source ones we we have a commercial one that's part of the microsoft r server product and we bought the technology from a company called revolution analytics but we have a an external memory library and a bunch of machine learning libraries that take advantage of that so they so basically the data stays on disk and we stream it through the machine learning algorithm does that help to answer that question yeah thanks guys