Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today or this live stream today. Our topic, the reason why he's scared to be in a relationship. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms.  It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, let's jump into why a man might be scared to be in a relationship. So before I jump into this, there was something that came up that I wanted to share with everyone. And it was a post I read on my channel where someone, a woman was stating how men seem to be very needy these days in relationship. They tend to be very needy and requiring a lot of communication, a lot of connection, a lot of validation. So this isn't the first time I've heard this. I've heard this many a time from women that they've noticed this propensity of men being a little bit more needy than, say, those alpha males, those bad boys that are in control, they've got good social skills, and they've just noticed that it seems like there's less of those types of men and there tend to be more men who are needy. Now, sadly, a lot of coaches characterize this neediness as feminine energy. And while I don't like characterizing it from the premise of a gender per se, because I think it's neediness actually comes from fear, I'm just suggesting that this gets discussed a lot. And I think, by the way, and this is true for women as well, I think neediness is something that we are all experiencing to some degree because as I shared in a previous live stream, and this relates to a podcast I was listening to the other day, that we are experiencing what's known as an intimacy famine, an intimacy famine. And what that means, when we think of intimacy, I always refer it to, into me you see, into me you see. In other words, you can see me, you can really see who I am. Warts and all, like the good, the bad, the ugly, and really what I also think intimacy is really about accepting a person, warts and all. And sadly, and I do believe the pandemic, the shutdowns amplified this desire that humans are desperately wanting connection. They want connection with other human beings. And I know this is confusing to a lot of women because that desire for connection oftentimes makes men come on stronger than they wouldn't otherwise do because certainly men are driven biologically to conquer and hunt and to have sex with a woman. That's why I'm so tired of the rhetoric when you're listening to those coaches that men are natural hunters and that they want to claim you and all you have to do is sit back and do nothing and just let them do all the work. Well, is that really a good strategy? If you allow that to happen, but he's only really seeking a sexual connection with you, is that a good strategy to operate from that place? I don't think it's a good strategy. I think it's a terrible strategy and this is why I mock it so oftenly. And I'm here, today's broadcast is really gonna go into the deeper emotional challenges, both men and women both are experiencing these days. And I think it's important to recognize that there is this intimacy famine going on. And what's happening is men and women alike are seeking connection. They're seeking a bit of companionship. They're seeking physical connection from a sexual perspective. And yet many people aren't able to cross over into that area of commitment, to cross over into the emotional responsibility to be in a relationship. Emotional responsibility to be in a relationship? Yes, emotional responsibility, that ability to take on someone else's emotions, but not just taken on, but also genuinely care for someone else's emotions. I want you to think about this for a moment. Probably the most important thing amongst many in a relationship, but I would say it's really should be the top of the list is trust. I know some people think it's chemistry. I look at women's dating profiles. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. I have to have chemistry. Well, you're hyper focusing on chemistry without really understanding what's required in a relationship is something greater and that's trust. And what I mean by trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? In other words, are they going to look out for my best interest? That's trust. That's real trust. And I think when I said earlier, that takes a level of emotional responsibility, not physical responsibility. I mean, sure men can give you, some men can, not all, but the trade off is they get to ejaculate in you and you get to orgasm if they're good at, their oral skills or their manipulation skills or their penal skills, whatever.  So it's an equal exchange, okay? In fact, this is one of the reasons why men think, a lot of men think they're good lovers if they give a woman an orgasm, but that's only one piece of the equation. What humans are thirsty for is at least, and I can only speak for my female clientele, is can I trust this person? And I don't mean trust from a place of fidelity. I'm talking about, does this person genuinely care about my feelings? This is why ladies, I say this over and over again, it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to get to level one of trust, just to get to level one of trust. And most of you are operating from this premise of, the man is romantic and he'll just, he's gonna make me feel so good and I'll just open up my vagina to a guy and I've only known him for three dates. Can trust be built in three dates? I don't think so.  Why, these are eight separate conversations to determine if you guys are compatible with one another. Can you really work together as a team? Well, and when I mean by work together team, let me reframe that. Are you really compatible with one another to actually become a team at a later date? But Jonathan, all the dating coaches tell me to not interview a guy and don't put any pressure and just go with the flow because the men just naturally know what they're doing.  You know, it's interesting. For the 20 and 30 year old guy who's on the hunt for a wife, he's thinking intentionality. He wants the mommy of his children. He is vetting you from that perspective.  They want to spend time with someone. I'm not saying all a big percentage. They want someone where they can have companionship connection at sex at their beck and call, but it doesn't mean that they wanna grow with someone. So how are you gonna determine ladies before you have sex, ask better questions. And I'm here to say, by the way, if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is teaching how to pre-qualify that your prospect. But Jonathan, I'm not supposed to do those things.  And worse, you don't have time to have sex with the wrong person and find out six to eight weeks later. Stop buying into the traditional narratives that have been sold out there and start taking charge of your relationship destiny. Don't leave it up to the guy. By the way, why is the number one search term for women? Men are commitment phobic. Why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? Why do men ignore women? We're gonna talk about that in a moment. If there's a reason for it, but by the way, if there's a reason for it, then maybe you should be thinking, you know what, maybe I should wait before I have sex with someone. Maybe I should really get to know this person at a deeper level to build trust in the relationship to before you give your heart to a man. It's my invitation for you. So coming back to this neediness, the way I started this conversation, it's just I've noticed this for men and women alike. And I think we are in unique times, unlike ever before. And I think part of the problem is we no longer live in tribes. We no longer live in villages where we feel surrounded by people who genuinely love us. And because of those people that surround and genuinely love us, we didn't have to put so much pressure on one person filling all our needs. In fact, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Folks, if you follow my work, you know I'm a big proponent of loving yourself first. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A journey of, by the way, a plug for my book. There's a link below. A journey of personal development and self-help and spiritual work. So you're not dependent on someone needing to love you so you can feel good about yourself because that's what love would do. And that's how love would respond for yourself.  And this is true of men and women alike.   You guys know how I feel about that. So, again, my invitation for you all is take charge of your relationship destiny, don't give it up to a man. So what causes a man to be scared to be in a relationship? Well, you know, it's interesting. Do you know the definition? If you Google, went in Google right now and typed in the definition of a relationship, there's basically two definitions. And that is, I'm gonna kind of paraphrase this for a second. By the way, this beautiful coffee mug was made by a friend of mine, and I'll read it to you a little bit later. We'll have some fun with that one. Handmade, the definition of a relationship. One, to be engaged in a shared activity, to be engaged in an activity or a shared activity. Well, that seems to make sense, isn't that? What you want in a, oh, excuse me, the definition of commitment, not a relationship, okay? To be engaged in a shared activity. And number two, a restriction of freedom. A restriction of freedom. Now, let me give you an example of a restriction of freedom that you all might relate to, okay? Because this isn't per se about, but we're related to commitments, commitments, okay? So my brother's niece's birthday party, I'm gonna make this up, is next weekend, okay? And I, RSVP, yes, okay? And for whatever reason, I wake up that morning and I'm like, I just don't feel good. I don't feel like going. But I made a commitment. So the freedom would be, I wanna just stay home and chill, you know, because I'm not feeling well. Maybe I'm hungover, whatever it is, but I made a commitment. And that's what restriction of freedom feels like, is not being able to do what you wanna do. And this is, by the way, men and women feel this all the time. I know a lot of women compromise themselves to make a man happy because you made a commitment to the relationship. So that's the definition. Let's go into deeper what might cause a man or woman to feel scared to be in a relationship. Now, we can always think of the idea, she's just not that into you, but I'm not buying into that. If you're just not that into someone, then end the relationship. That's not about being scared. That's about being misaligned. Let me repeat that. That's simply about being misaligned with someone, okay?  And many, many women have felt an abandonment in their childhood or a rejection in their childhood by their parents or some significant trauma in their childhood from their parents. And it's not uncommon that that childhood wound begins to manifest itself more and more and more and more in adulthood. Now, this is really important to listen to this right now because I want you to think about this. For the man who's in his 20s and 30s that wants to raise a family with someone, that fear might be overridden by that desire to make babies with someone. And that's not all men in these days that shifting, but certainly in the baby boom generation or the gen X generation, we were programmed to, many of us were programmed to go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house, start a family, okay? That was the programming. And that overrode that fear that was inside of us ever since childhood. So let me give you an example of this. There's, oops, there's a picture of my mom. Me and my mom, I was roughly in my 20s right then. My mom had a habitual habit of emotionally abandoning my brother, my sister and my dad and I on a regular basis. So I want you to imagine I'm a six-year-old boy and my mother got mad at my father. There's a picture of mom and dad before they got around the time they got married. She got mad at my father and what she would do is she would clam up, not talk to anyone for three days.   And as a little kid, I'm like, why isn't mommy loving me right now? Why isn't mommy loving me? Did I do something wrong? That's my little kid talking. And as an adult, I didn't understand any of this until I started to do some deep inner child work until I really started to talk to the little kid inside of me who's afraid of love. And whenever I hit my emotional edge, remember I talked about that emotional edge, that emotional responsibility, I'd run because I couldn't trust love. Now the way I manifested that is I became very needy. I had an anxious attachment style. But for a lot of men, they could have an avoidant attachment style. And if you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller, I highly recommend reading this. And while my mom was a very loving person, she didn't intentionally mean to hurt me. A child can't comprehend. By the way, ladies, you have the same thing with your fathers when your fathers went off to work and didn't give you much time, this male role model in your life. And by the way, it could be a surrogate parent as well. All of this affects us emotionally as a child. And so what happens is as adulthood happens, believe it or not, all of this stuff starts to percolate and surface the older we get. If you've ever heard of midlife crisis, this is part of the crisis, is the emotional crisis that's going on inside of most everybody. So here's the thing, you might think that a man who's in his 40s, 50s or 60s should be more mature and it's quite the opposite. They don't have the relationship skills because we were never taught relationship skills. If you're not familiar with my chart, this is called emotional maturity relationship skills. By the way, the following is not a fact. It's an opinion. Roughly 20% of humans have clinical issues. And while over here, I say 20% of humans are emotionally healthy, I'm being rather generous there because everybody is dysfunctional. And the older we get, if these wounds haven't been healed, we become more and more dysfunctional. This is why I'm a big proponent of everybody purchasing this book, The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process, this is a deep dive into healing those childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. I was working with a client the other day and we did some inner child work because her little girl inside of her was abandoned by her father. And every time she got close to a man, she would run away. And the same thing happens to men. I know it happens to me. I've had to do a lot of healing in this area because as I started this broadcast, I was the needy guy that needed a lot of attention. And it's taken a heroic Herculean effort to just be in a place of relative calm. And I know many of you look up to me, but I've had to do a lot of work. I've had to do a lot of work. This isn't easy stuff. This is why I pound it over and over and over again. But Jonathan, all you're doing is telling me to buy books because folks, it is through healing. And these many books that I suggest that gives you even a remote opportunity to find that juicy, delicious relationship that you all desire. And by the way, it's so funny.   She hadn't done the work. She's judging men. She's making her out. That's, by the way, that's a very narcissistic thing to say, believe it or not.  Look at folks.  It's just a matter of degrees, okay? This is why I highly recommend everybody checking out this book by Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.  You're supposed to be and embrace who you are. I highly, highly, highly recommend checking out Brene Brown's work. Has anyone ever done Brene's Brown's work? Post a comment below or post a comment in the chat box because folks, men aren't intentionally wanting to be scared. This is oftentimes men who have had some severe trauma. And even I grew up in an average middle-class home and I had tons of trauma. I grew up in an average middle-class home.  And even those idyllic homes, even the Ozzy and Harriet's of the world had traumas because a six-year-old child cannot understand why a mom might just once in her life reject their child, but that could mean everything to a child. And so I'm here to say, I want you all to reach deep into your heart and remember that starting with self, to have compassion for oneself, to love oneself. I'm loving myself and everyone else. I'm loving myself and everyone else. I'm loving myself and everyone else because you know what? There's been a lot of hurt people out there. And I know I've been even hurt by someone or more than someone in my past. And I forgive them because I've holding onto that in any negative pattern will only bring me more of the negativity I don't want. So I open myself up to love. I open myself up to love and I say I love myself and everyone else to make that vortex, that portal of love come into my heart more and more and more so that right, wonderful, juicy, delicious relationship enters my life because I've let go of the judgment, the comparisons, the shame, the guilt. And I embrace the empowerment of self love and loving everyone else. Are you with me? Are you with me? If you are, give me an amen. All right. I think you know why I shared what I did today about scared men. They don't mean to be hurt anyone. Most human beings don't mean to hurt anyone. In fact, most men are good people. They're just bad at this process because most humans don't have good relationship skills.  Just remember we are all flawed human beings, myself included. All right, everyone. I think you get a gist of where I went with this one. I hope you found value in this. I hope I'm making a difference in your life. If I am, please let me know. Hit that like button, post a comment if you're watching the replay. And if you're still on the live stream, it's time for Q and A. And folks, by the way, how my Q and A works. First off, purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat today. If you've never purchased a Super Sticker Super Chat, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, who passed away. That's a picture of Connor there. You know, that's how I picture him right now in heaven. I picture him free. I'm free from that song, The Who. I'm free. I was thinking about him earlier today. I was thinking about the phone call his mother gave me to tell me he had passed away. I was really in a lot of pain. And I share this with you because this pain in and of itself makes me scared to be in a relationship too. Because I put all my love into someone and they left. And I don't blame him or anything like that. It's just a reality.  And many of you might feel the same way and I get it.  And remember, everybody's doing the best they can. So if you donate to the Super Chat or Super Fund in the chat box, I am getting ready to donate to the Insight seminars. I want you to Google InsightSeminars.org. It's a great organization. I'm gonna be donating some money to them with all the monies received today. Or if you wanna ask a question, you can post the question inside the Super Sticker Super Chat, or you can write the word question and post the question there after. That makes it easier for me to find in the chat box. And just as a reminder for those who are listening to the audio recording, you won't be able to see or hear this, okay? Oh, I can't reach the tissue. So let's look, let's go swim, man. Do you have any questions for me? Post the word question or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. Rachel, oops, where did Rachel go? Okay, there we go. Question, as someone who attracts narcissists, how can we discern fear of love, narcissists, silent treatment? So I would ask yourself, why do you attract narcissists? Ask yourself that question first instead of how to discern them. How about asking, why would you choose men who are narcissists? Now, oftentimes it's been said that we attract who we are. So maybe there's an element inside of you that is narcissistic. I'm not suggesting that, I'm not saying that about you, I'm just suggesting you to look at it. I believe we choose unhealthy people in our lives for one reason, as a doorway to heal ourselves. When I wrote my book, what the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work, I meant it as a vaccination to emotional chaos. So I'm here to suggest is rather than focusing on discerning them, because it's almost impossible to do. It's almost impossible to do the first, second, or third, or fourth date. Unless you really grill them with the kind of questions I ask in my private coaching, I want you to ask yourself what healing inside of yourself needs to be done, because I know so many women who don't attract narcissists. So I invite you to ask what healing inside yourself needs to be done. Focus on that first. That's my invitation for you. Rachel, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Pamela says, if we have done the work to stop to self development, and it's appropriate to share and set the stage of expectation in a relationship, wait, is it appropriate to share and set the stage of expectation in a relationship, or does that leave you too exposed and vulnerable? It's a two-way street. No, not at all. I'm very clear on the first or second date. I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, intimacy, both in our emotional and sexual intimacy that leads to either getting married or living together. That's my standard. It's just a standard. It's not an expectation. I expect you to live up to this. No, this is my standard. If you wanna jump on board, great. If you can't fit that standard, fine. I'll go find someone else who can fit that standard. It's not an expectation to express your standard out loud. It's only an expectation to someone who isn't ready for that standard.  Well, Jonathan, I have so much chemistry with them. I have so much chemistry. I have so much chemistry with them. Folks, if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, focus on this. Above, see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. Above the water line is attraction. Below the water line is compatibility, which is shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. And as you start to check these boxes, the water line of attraction begins to, in other words, you expose more and more attraction with the person.  It's not, that's not an expectation. That's a standard. It's only an expectation to the person who can't meet that standard. That's all. That's all. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Hit that like button. Let me know. All right, let's deep swim and thank you, Pamela. Carrie says, yes, hurting tonight. I love someone deeply and he doesn't see us as a match, his words. I think of the old saying, rejection is God's protection. I oftentimes, can we deeply love someone who doesn't love us back? Is that really deep love? Is that true love? I think we oftentimes, we misunderstand unhealthy attachment. Read the book attached by Amir Levine. Unhealthy attachment as love. Unhealthy attachment. Believe it or not, or by the way, or if you're not familiar with the work of the Harvelle Hendricks and Helen LaHunt, getting the love you want, understanding what's known as the Amago. Oftentimes we choose people like one or both of our parents really unhealthy behaviors from someone else because we're healing that childhood wound and trauma. So Carrie, I'm not so certain it's deep love. I know you feel it that way and I'm not discounting your feelings, but I'm wondering if it's really an unhealthy attachment that we disguise as love. Just an invitation for everyone watching. So, all right. Hey, Camille, thanks for the text message. All right. Oh, let's keep swimming. Colleen says, I love how you speak of Connor in your book. Thank you so much. My son, Connor. So I shared this a moment ago. You know, that phone call I received, the day he passed away. It was from his mom. She called to tell me that the paramedics were there and then later she called me 15 minutes later saying he passed. That cuts deep inside of me. No parent should ever have to lose a child. No parent should ever have to feel this kind of pain. It's not the order of things. And I'd lost my mom six months earlier. Talk about the woman who took care of me and then the child that my job was to protect him. My job was to protect him and I failed at that.    I can't stand the book to rules because of all the stupidity because it lacks the most important quality in a relationship and that is heart.   How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I get messages from women on dating apps. I'm like, I'm sorry, but if that's the best you can do, I'm like, I'm already lost interest in women.  Someone writes you a message on a dating app high.  I made a commitment to myself in Connor when he passed away that I will not compromise or settle for mediocrity. This is why I love this meme. I'm going to share this with everyone right here.   I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind.   I'm asking you all to let go of victim consciousness. And here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness.  And you know how I know this? Because every woman I've asked about their past relationship, it was all about how shitty the guy was.  And by the way, I hear this from women and you hear this from men.  So I'm here to say, you have a choice. The red pill or the blue pill, and I'm saying the red pill of self-love and compassion.  Relationships highlight this like nobody's business. And what's worse is we're meeting total strangers these days. So we can't feel that level of trust. It's hard to build trust. It requires being both mutually engaged. But Jonathan, I shouldn't go out with a guy who doesn't pay for my valet.  This is an egoic way of living.  That's ain't gonna matter if you can't connect it with each other's heart. If you want to connect with your heart, I highly recommend reading the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.  I'm on a rant right now. Thank you, Connor. Thanks. By the way, that's my other son, Colin. He now lives just of 200 yards away from me. We hang out every game. We hang out almost every day. We do a jacuzzi almost every night. It's great to have my son with me. I'm so blessed. Folks, men and women alike are hurting on the inside. Let's stop. Let's have compassion instead of judgment. Let's have some compassion instead of shaming people.  It's my invitation. Is everyone with me? If you are, give me a name and or a thumbs up. Oh, I want to thank Roller Girl for the dollar, for dollar 99 for Connor. I appreciate that. Does Roller Girl have roller skates? Thank you so much. Jennifer says, I ask the universe to stop sending me lessons and pray to heal to attract higher vibration. That's the wrong question. Don't ask to stop. Ask for all the lessons you can get so you can heal because the universe doesn't hear the word stop. The universe says, I ask the universe to keep sending me lessons. So instead of asking because the universe doesn't hear stop, just say universe, give me all the lessons I need to heal. So I can be in that higher vibration to attract great partners. Can I get an amen? All right. Question, went on a date with a man who was married for 30 years, divorced for a year. Should I go on another date? Why should I? Do you really need to ask me that? Don't ask should. Ask yourself a question. Do you want to go out on another date with him? If the answer is yes, then go. Now, if you want to vet him to see if he's emotionally ready for a relationship, you better hire me. Check out the link to a discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise. Ah, but don't just do what? Go up, go, start, ladies, start learning how to tap into your intuition because your intuition is always guiding you.  Everything is happening for you, not to you. So don't be afraid. And just like Trudy says, hey, Jonathan, have you ever heard fear, false evidence appearing real? Of course I have. Well, I shouldn't say of course. Yes, yes, yes, I have, Trudy. I like what Jeannie says. Relationships are like a laboratory. Lots of learning, Mary Ann Williamson. I love Mary Ann Williamson. If you want to read a great book, read Return to Love. This is the CD version.  Oh my God, game changing, life changing book. Every book I recommend is, by the way, in the back of my book, what the heck is self love anyway? I put together my recommended reading list study, recommended reading studies, teachers and workshops. And in there is, where is Mary Ann Williamson? Well, of course in Miracles, Mary Ann Williamson. Oh, Return to Love, Mary Ann Williamson right there. Return to Love. Great book, highly recommend it. Okay. KB says, how do you respond to a man who tells you he's scared of a serious relationship? Do you think this is ever a cop out so that they do not have to be accountable to someone? Absolutely it's a cop out. Here's the thing. Who cares? Choose the men who want to be in a relationship. When a man says that, say thank you, shake his hand and say I wish you well. But you want to really do a better job? You can figure all this out relatively quickly. You can figure out because you know what?  A wrong, you wanna overwhelm men. But Jonathan, every dating coach says don't do that.   That's how you avoid the wrong person because you will scare the wrong person away. By the way, here's what this says.  That's what it says. By the way, do you see that salty right there? That's Connor's nickname. Overwhelm men. And any man that gets pissed off at this, he's a guy that doesn't want a relationship because by the way, I have men following my channel now and they're all saying I'm following your advice, Jonathan, and I'm getting a better class of women.   It's geared to the dysfunctional human beings. My advice is only for the three percenters, those people that want to do something different than the traditional narrative. I told you I'm a contrarian at the beginning of this broadcast, my advice is contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, thank you so much KB for that. All right, Liz, whatever your name is, sorry. Question, the guy I'm dating says I'm not looking for my next wife but he has conversations that talk about our life and the future. It seems like he goes back and forth a bit. What do you think? Well, ask him what commitment looks like to him. And if he's not looking for a wife, then what is he looking for? Because talking about you in the future, that's just fantasizing. Ask him what he really wants. What does commitment look like? And take away sex and you'll see how quickly he'll start to shape up. Believe it or not, you have a lot of power ladies, but you give your power away to men. Now I know sex shouldn't be used this way and I'm not suggesting sex is used this way. What I am suggesting is you have a lot more power than you give yourself credit to but you give your power away to men all the time. This is why I'm a big believer of the dating process being a two lane street and not expecting men to lead. You take charge of your part and he takes charge of his part. But Jonathan, every dating coach tells me to do it this way. Is it really working? By the way, 50% of divorces or marriages end up in divorce, 65% of second marriages end in divorce, 75% of third marriages end in divorce and everybody who is married right now, half of them are miserable. So it is dysfunctional. It's not about the initial stages. It's about the long term. It's about seeing it from the long game, not the short game. This is why I was pulled out this book earlier today by Sue Johnson called Hold Me Tight. Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Let me read you a couple of chapters, titles. A revolutionary new view on love. Where did our love go? Losing connection, emotional responsiveness, the key to a lifetime of love. Recognizing the demon dialogues, finding the raw spots, revisiting the rocky moments, forgiving injuries, bonding through sex and touch, keeping your love alive, healing traumatic wounds and the ultimate connection, love as the final frontier. Check out this book. Sue Johnson's work is brilliant.  Folks, my desire when I meet my misright is that we do regular workshops together. There are tons of couples workshops to learn how to communicate together better, to learn how to bond with one another, to feel that sense of intimacy. Because as I said before, there's so many people living in that intimate, intimacy famine. By the way, this is what is going to make your relationship strong is when you're working together, you either are, listen, you either get busy living or get busy dying. By the way, if you can guess the quote to that, I'll send you a free gift later. If you send me your email as well. Get busy living or get busy dying.  And those relationships are called casual relationships, situationships, friends with benefits or worse friends with benefits you don't know about. Thank you for letting me rant again. Hey, purchase a super sticker, super chat to allow me to donate. Oh, there we go, Lynn. Thank you so much for the $4 super sticker. I really appreciate that. All right, where's Doug tonight? We need a guy in the room. Thank you, I agree. A question from Carrie. What do you do? What, anyways, what do you do when a man you love says we are not a match and still wants to go out dancing? That's how we met. We don't go out dancing as, what do you want to do, Carrie? I get it, you love him, but what do you want to do? Start, by the way, folks, I know you appreciate my advice and I get it, but start with asking yourself first. This is, if you want to be an adult in relationship, then ask yourself, what do you want to do first? That's the invitation I invite you all to start looking at. All right, Leif says, Gail them, amen. All right, Gail Lynn, thank you for the $5 super sticker. Oh, Connor, yay, we're gonna donate some money soon. I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm excited. All right, projection is God's protection, I get it. Wow, we have a lot of comments, that was a while back, okay. Oh, let's go swim in, amen. Pamela, compassion, yes, new haircut. By the way, folks, I do not color my hair. There is some gray in there. I do not color my hair, I don't know why ever, you know what, asking me, why do I color my hair is like going to a woman who's got a little pudgy belly saying, when are you expecting when she's not pregnant? That's what it feels like when you say, why do you color my hair? I don't color my hair. We got a lot of amens. Colleen says, I love return to love, I do too. Nancy says, do not feel guilty, Jonathan. Sometimes we cannot control even our own people. I know, but I still feel I didn't do a good job as a parent.  All right, let's see what else we have. Oh, KB sent another super sticker.  Jill says, I love your hair color, thank you so much. And Roller Girl says, I wish I didn't have to color my hair. I thank my mommy and daddy for that. They did all the work. And yes, I am Turkish, I am Turkish. So question, my boyfriend never sticks to his word about when we get engaged. How do I relax and just let it happen? It's an interesting question. How long have you two been dating? How come you don't get a ring and ask him to marry you? Why not? Why aren't women asking men to marry? What would happen? By the way, play with me for a second here. Because here's the thing, it used to be men had to ask a woman marry because that was an agreement I will take care of you financially. But given that most women can take care of themselves, then why can't women ask men? I'm just asking, I'm not saying I have an answer, but why can't you? You'll actually, here's the thing, if you pulled out a ring and asked him, how would he respond? Because then you'll actually be dealing with the true person in that moment. Now, I'm not suggesting this on the first, second, or third date, but if you've gotten to a point of real love for one another, then why, I'm just asking, why aren't women asking men? That's all. I wanna thank Emily for the super sticker. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right, let's see what else we got. Let's go swimming. Okay, let's go swimming. Lynn says, question, how soon do you recommend to ask the question about relationship, word, or commitment? Date one, date two, date three, give them a little time, more than an hour to feel more comfy.  I like to do all my grilling on the telephone before the first date. That's what I like to do it. Cause you're not invested at that point. There's still a stranger. I like to ask the question, what are you looking for in a committed relationship? What does a commitment look like for you? That's the time to ask. And then before that penis ever goes inside the vagina, here's a great way, read this book together. That's a great way to actually get to determine if you're a good fit for one another. But I would add, I do a lot of grilling before the first date. That way you get, by the way, you can, by the way, if I did this 15 years ago, I would have saved myself probably 50 first dates that never went anywhere and probably five or 10 grand of money that didn't need to be spent. I could have put that in my college fund for my son. So ask better questions right before you meet. That's my invitation for you all. All right. Hey, okay, I'm gonna save the last few minutes. Here, Lynn says, I like the phone idea. By the way, if you have a personal question to ask of me, in other words, you have a question to ask of me. If you have a question to ask me, write the word personal question and then ask me any question. I'm gonna save the last few minutes for any questions you wanna ask me about Jonathan Asley. Let's have some fun. You can ask me what my favorite color is. It's blue. You can ask me how tall I am. I'm six foot two. Ask me my weight. I'm 204. I feel better at 197.  What questions do you have of me? Write the word personal question and then post the question there after. I'm gonna leave. Do I color my hair? No. All right. Let's see what we got here. You got a personal question to ask me. We're gonna save the last few minutes for that. I love this question. Personal question. What's your favorite 80s song? It goes like this. Ba-da-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Sometimes I feel lost and lonely. Then you find it's all been in your mind. My favorite song of all time is You Can't Get What You Want Until You Know What You Want by Joe Jackson.  My favorite all time song. I love a lot of 80s music. I love Friday I'm in Love. I love that song by Level 42. Something About You. I love that song. So great question. Thank you so much. Personal question. What age range do you date? Adult till death. No. I typically somewhere between 10 years younger than me and about my own age. I'm not going to tell you my age, but somewhere. My ego likes to date someone 10 years younger than me or close to my own age. That's my truth. Are you up to date on Speaking Turkish? Benim tüksü çök finna fakat ben an yorum which basically said my Turkish is terrible but I understand a little bit. All right. Personal question. What's your idea of a romantic date? OK, let me think about this for a second. My oxygen is my oxygen is. I'm a sapio sexual. I love to talk about ideas. I love to talk about human behavior. But my idea of a romantic date, not on the first, second, or third date, but remember once we went to a resort, I went on a date at a resort and I got, we had cocktails at the bar, really fancy place. I went outside and smoked a cigar. I rarely, I don't do that much anymore. But we just had this fun, just sitting out by the balcony watching the sunset, having a good time. I mean, I don't know. I don't think about romance because I just believe if I do, if I'm conscientious, that's romantic enough. In other words, if I am paying attention to how she's feeling, that to me is romance. When someone can, romance to me is someone who can see into my soul and I can see into their soul and say, you're a beautiful human being. Anyway, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. I'm a Leo who loves Bluetooth. Hey, Stephanie. My favorite, I was in love with Stephanie Powers on the TV show Heart to Heart with Robert Wagner. Kerry says, I know that's why I asked. Thank you so much. Diane says, I love Joe Jackson. By the way, how was my rendition of it? OK. So why are you single single and have you ever dated someone you coached? So I can't stand the question anybody asked of anybody. Why are you still single? Because that implies that there's something wrong with them. I was in a significant relationship that ended four years ago. And then shortly after a year later, my mom passed away. And then a year after that, I mean, six months later, my son passed away. And then six months after that, my father moved to Turkey. My business tanked. I didn't feel like dating.  So and frankly, very few women excite me. I'll be candid with you. Very few women. Actually, I'm sad to say a lot of women. And I do my best to pre-qualify in advance. They're so bombarded by men that they oftentimes are clouded in their own garbage. And they're not opening up their heart the way I open up my heart from the very first time I meet someone. But here's the thing. God, universe, spirit, I believe in divine timing. And I know you know that I am ready to love. And I know you know that I've opened myself up.  I know you will bring that person to me. That's my prayer. Thank you so much for that question. And then what was the second part? I don't believe I've dated anyone I've coached. Nope. I've spent time with women that I've coached on a friendship level, but I haven't dated anyone I've coached. I make it a point not to. All right. Let's see. How long have I been single? It depends. For 18 years, I was single from the time I was born. Then I had a relationship and I was single again. I had another relationship, I was single again. I got married and I was single again. I don't know, cumulatively, 20 or 30 years. Let's see. How has Colin living near you changed your life so far? It's only been a week, but boy, it's a blessing. So thank you for that question. You know what, folks? Wow. Listen, I hope I brought value. Do I bring, have I made a difference in your life? This broadcast, I know we went personal a bit towards the end, but have I made you make a choice to shift to personal development? Have I helped you choose to do self-help and spiritual work as a way, as a vaccination, emotional chaos? Are you going to be more compassionate with men? Are you going to understand that most men are good people? They're just bad daters? Are you gonna make that shift to compassion, to understanding, to love? Because the more you do that, the more you become a vortex for love in your life. And that's my invitation for you.  It is raining good men. It is raining good men. It is raining good men and women. It's raining good women. It's raining good women. It's raining good women. Just like that song, Raining Men, I just add the caveat, good. And just embrace that. Will you do that for me today? Will you say tonight when you go to bed, God, universe, spirit, Gus, it's raining good men. And I am grateful for all the blessings you brought into my life. And I am truly grateful for all of the wonderful experiences because nothing has caused me to be a victim. I am in my empowerment. I am in my power and I will not give my power away to anyone because I love myself and I love everyone else. And I invite you all to embrace that in your life. Will you do that for me? Say yes, amen. Yes, amen. Yes, amen. Yes, amen. Oops, little pit stains there. All right, I think this will be a good place to wrap up for today. If you like to follow my work, check out the link to a free discovery called, check out my book called, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway, check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery if you can't afford coaching. Check out my Instagram account listed below. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big, gigantic, Johnthameric of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Teresa and Nancy and Lynn and Carrie and Lisa and Roller Girl and Dee Dee and Sandra. Hey Sandra, Carrie, Mary Ann, Susan, Vicki, I probably Sherry, Lisa, Sunflower, Stephanie, Kelly, everyone, thank you so much. Wishing you a fabulous weekend. Bye-bye now. And thank you for all the love. You guys are the best. Thank you so much. You ladies are the best. Thank you.


for discussion. Is it proposed contractual matter of pursuant SC code 30-40-30-4-70-A2? Second. Here. Oh, yes. You're now in executive session. Thank you. I vote. Is it not soundproof? No. The light's all over there.


CHAPTER NINE OF DON A RUNAWAY DOG by R. BARNAM This LibriVox recording is in the public domain, recording by Tom Hirsch. CHAPTER NINE DON AND THE DOG-CATCHER Let him run! cried one of the boys who had tied the tin can on Don's tail when the dog was asleep. Look! He certainly can go! shouted the other boy. Let's see if we can't catch him. But Don was running too fast for any small boys to get hold of him, and those boys were not very large. Don was running as he had never run before, because he was so frightened. Never before had he had a can tied to his tail, and it bumped along after making such a noise, and the rope pinched him so that altogether Don was very much frightened. But it was only fun for the boys. They laughed and shouted to see Don try to get rid of the tin can. For after the first few minutes, Don did try to get rid of that bouncing, rattly-bang thing that seemed to follow him so closely. The dog sat down and, turning around, tried to pull the rope off his tail by his teeth, but the boys had tied it on too tightly to allow Don to get rid of it easily. Come on! Now we can catch him! cried one of the boys as he saw Don sitting down near a pile of shingles. The two boys went softly up toward the dog. I do not know what they would have done with him if they had caught him, but they did not get their hands on Don. He stopped gnawing at the rope long enough to look up, and he saw the boys. With a yelp, a growl, and a whine, all together, Don sprang up and ran on again. There he goes! cried one of the boys.  You go one way and I'll go the other! shouted the second boy. Then we'll get him sure! Oh, what a lot of trouble I'm having, thought poor Don. How I wish I were back on the farm, and I wish Jack, that shaggy dog, was here to help me. I wonder where he went to? But Jack was far away, and Don had to fight his battle alone. Finally, as he was running around with the can on his tail, Don saw a little hole in the pile of lumber. If I can only crawl in there, he said, I'll hide from those boys. They can't get at me in there. Don made a dive for the hole. It was just large enough to let him crawl in. He hoped the tin can might catch on something and be pulled off his tail, but it did not. Inside his hiding-place, the can followed poor Don. Never mind, thought the tired and panting dog, if the can had caught on something and, if I had pulled too hard, I might pull my tail off also. That would be too bad. And, of course it would. You know that, as well as I do, without me telling you. But maybe when Jack comes back and these boys go away, I'll be able to get rid of this old tin can, thought Don. Maybe Jack can help me nod off. So Don crept further back into the hole under the lumber, and the boys could not get at him. They tried to, but they could not. They even poked sticks in the hole and threw stones in, but none of them hit Don. Finally one of the men who owned the lumber yard came out of his office and saw the boys bothering Don.  Then the boys ran away and left Don alone. The man did not know there was a dog hiding under his lumber pile, but Don felt very kindly towards the man who had driven away the boys. Now if he would only help me get rid of this can on my tail, I'd be all right, thought Don. I wonder where Jack is. For some time Don stayed hiding under the lumber pile. His heart was not beating so fast now, though his tail still hurt him when the can was tied on, and he was hungry and thirsty, for he had eaten nothing since the night before. Don was just thinking it would be safe to come out of his hiding-place when he heard a dog barking, and he knew at once that it was his shaggy friend Jack.  To Don it said, Where are you? What has happened? Where are you hiding? Ah, wow, answered Don. Here I am. Oh, where have you been? Such a lot has happened since you went away and left me sleeping. There is a can tied to my tail. Poor fellow, said Jack to Don as the ladder crawled out. You have had a lot of trouble, haven't you?  And he did, gnawing the rope with his sharp teeth. Now I have a bone for you, went on, Jack. I left it in the place where we slept. It isn't a very good one, but it's the best one I could find this morning. Oh, that's a fine bone, said Don when he was hungrily gnawing it. At home he would hardly have looked twice at such a bone, for it had very little meat on it. But since he had run away he was glad enough to get almost anything. Where did you go? asked Don of Jack as the bone was finished, and Don began to feel thirsty. Oh, seeing that you were soundly asleep, I went out to look for breakfast, answered Jack. I did not think the boys would find you asleep. We must look for a new hiding place since they know where this one is. Now we'll see if it's all right to go get a drink down at the river. It isn't far. Jack looked out, but almost at once he drew in his head again. What's the matter? asked Don. There's a man out there, explained Jack. I don't want him to see us, or he might chase us. Don looked, and when he saw the man, he exclaimed, Why, he's a good man. He drove away the boys who were throwing stones at me. Then he didn't know you were there, said Jack. For he doesn't like dogs, and he won't have them in this lumberyard. We must wait until he goes away. So though Don would have liked to go up to the man and be padded on the head, he thought perhaps Jack knew best. Things are so different in the city from the country, said Don with a dog sigh. Indeed they are, barked Jack. Pretty soon the man went out of the lumberyard, and then Jack and Don could go down to the edge of the river, near the piles of boards, and get a drink of cool water. Oh, that's fine, cried Don. That's the best water I've had since I ran away. Yes, it is good, agreed Jack. That's why I have a place near it. We can't always get all we want to eat in the city, but water is not so hard to find. Now let's go and hunt up our dinner. But we just had breakfast, said Don. I know we did, spoke Jack as he washed his face with his paw, but we may have to hunt a long time for something more to eat, and then it will be dinner time. Once more Don thought how very different this was from his farm kennel. There, after he had had his breakfast, he could play around, or perhaps drive in a runaway pig, or go after the sheep or cows. He did not have to worry about his dinner, for he knew Bob, or someone, would bring it to him. But now Don had to go out and look for a bone in an ash can. Oh, it was very different. This day Don and Jack were lucky. Together, as they ran about the city streets, they found a large piece of meat which some cook had thrown out at the back door of a house. Oh, this will be fine, cried Jack. We'll take this to the lumberyard and put it in a new hiding place. There will be enough for dinner and supper, too. It was not a very good piece of meat, being old and tough, but it was just as good to those dogs as roast turkey would be to you. Jack took the meat in his mouth and started off with it. Keep a watch out for other dogs, he said to Don. They may try to take it away from us, and if they do, drive them off. I will, said Don, and he had to, several times. But Don was now a big dog, and he was braver and bolder than ever before. So when two or three dogs ran up, Don growled and showed his sharp teeth so that the other dogs were glad enough to run away. Jack picked out a new place under a pile of lumber, and there he and Don ate their dinner. They were feeling much better now, for there was enough meat left for their supper, and they could always get plenty of clean drinking water in the river. All running away isn't so bad after all, said Don that night, after the last of the meat had been eaten. I am beginning to like it now. Wait, advised Jack. This is only the beginning. Not always will we have such good luck as we had today. Jack was right. The next day they could find nothing to eat until late in the afternoon. Then it was only a small bone which they divided between them. It rained, too, and the water ran down through the lumber pile and got the dogs wet. But Don could not find his way home, having traveled so far in the freight car. He tried to get back to Bob, but he could not, and Jack could not help him. For several weeks Jack and Don lived together in the lumber pile, eating wet when they could. Sometimes other dogs would fight them and try to take away their bones, but Jack and Don were both strong and usually they kept what they found. Don could go off by himself now to find food, and one day as he was off thus, searching in different ash cans, he had a sad adventure. He had just found a nice bone in some clean ashes and was wiping it off on the grass when he saw two men running toward him. One of them had a long net on a pole, like the net Bob used for catching fish, and Don wondered what this was for. He soon found out. There's a stray dog! cried one of the men. Get him and we'll take him away! And the dog-catcher ran straight for Don. End of Chapter 9 Recording by Tom Hirsch Chapter 10 of Don A Runaway Dog by Richard Barnum This liver box recording is in the public domain. Recording by Tom Hirsch Chapter 10 Don's New Friend Poor Don did not know what to make of all this, but somehow he felt he was in danger, and with one more glance back over his shoulder, seeing the man with the net on the long pole still running after him, Don ran also, and faster than ever. This is queer, thought Don. I wonder what makes that man chase me, and does he think I am a fish that he tries to catch me in a net? But these men were not fishing for fish. They were fishing for dogs, and Don did not know what would happen if they caught him, so he ran faster and faster. Those men, you see, were hired to catch stray dogs that were not allowed to run loose about the streets in summer. The people feared the stray dogs would go mad and bite them, so they hired men with wagons and nets to catch them. Once the dogs were caught, they would be put in a pen, called a pound, and if, after a certain time the dog's master did not come and take him away, the poor dog would be killed. That is what they do to stray dogs in the city. Of course Don did not know all this, though his friend Jack had told him to be careful as he went about the streets. So now Don felt that there was some danger, and on and on he ran as fast as he could. Somehow Don could not run as fast and as far as he used to. On the farm, when he raced with Bob, Don always beat. But since he had run away, Don had not had as good things to eat as he had had on the farm, and he had not had as good a place to sleep in. So Don was not as strong and healthful as he had been. Why, I'm getting tired, panted poor Don as he raced on. He looked back over his shoulder. The man with the net was coming closer.  Can you get him? asked the man driving the black wagon. Yes, I'll have him in a minute, cried the man with the net. That'll make the wagon full and we'll take them all to the pound. You'll never take me there, not if I can help it, thought Don.  He was thirsty too, but he saw no place to get a drink. Even if there had been a puddle of water, Don would not have dared stop to lap up any, for the dog-catcher was close to him, coming on and on. Oh, dear, thought Don. This is terrible. How much better I would have been had I stayed on the farm, no more running away from me. But Don was not at the end of his adventures, even yet. He gave one more glance backwards to see how close the man with the net was to him, and then something happened. Don stepped on a sharp piece of glass in the street and cut his foot. Not badly, but enough to make him limp, and then he could not run so fast. The piece of glass must have stuck in his foot, for Don could not step on it without it hurting him very much. He had to run on three legs. Now a dog cannot run as fast on three legs as he can on four, and Don had to go slower and slower. Now you can get him, cried the man on the wagon. Yes, I'll have him now, shouted the man with the net. Don tried to run on faster, but it was of no use. In a few minutes more he felt something hit him on the head. Then he was all tangled up in the meshes of the net, and he fell down, hurting his cut foot more than ever. Now I have you, cried the man with the net. He picked up Don, and as the wagon came up, tossed him into it. Instantly there was a chorus of barks and growls, for there were many other dogs in the wagon, and they did not seem to like Don. Who's coming in here now, growled one of the dogs in the catcher's wagon? Yes, weren't we crowded enough already? asked another. Oh well, it doesn't make much difference, snarled a third dog. We'll soon have room enough in the pound. I'm sorry to bother you, said Don, thinking it best to make friends with the stray dogs. But I did not come in here of my own accord. I was thrown in, interrupted a little white poodle dog in one corner of the wagon. That's it, you were thrown in. I saw you. That is right, I was thrown in, said Don. I'd gladly go out, if I could, and make more room for you. But I can't, and he looked at the dogs in the tightly closed door. Now you can't get out, growled the yellow dog who had said there would be more room soon. We'll just have to crowd up a little closer, that's all. But we'll soon have plenty of room to move about.  How do you know? Because I've been there, was the answer. I was caught once before, just as I was this time, and taken to the pound. But a boy came and bought me, so I was allowed to go. I forgot to tell you that sometimes people who want a dog go to the pound, pick out one of those that have been caught and buy it, taking it away to give it a good home. I hope someone buys me, thought Don. I don't like this life living like a tramp, with no good place to sleep and no nice things to eat. The wagon rumbled on to the city pound, and there the dogs were allowed to go out and run about in the yard, all fenced in with wire. There were many other dogs there, little ones and big ones, nice ones, and some that were not so nice. Some of them snarled and barked, and some tried to get out, but could not. Oh, dear! cried one little poodle dog, whose silken hair showed that he was used to a good home. Oh, dear! I don't like it here. Oh, stop! he cried as a bigger dog tried to bite him.  Why should I let him alone? asked the big dog, growling and showing his teeth. Because he's a friend of mine, said Don. Oh, well, answered the bad dog. In that case it's different. I didn't know he was a friend of yours. Of course I'll let him alone. You'd better, growled on. Of course the little dog was not really a friend of Don's, for he had never seen him before, but Don thought it best to speak that way, for he did not want to see the little dog hurt. And when the bad dog had gone off in a corner of the pound, the little silky poodle who had been in the same wagon with Don came up to him and said, It was very kind of you to take my part that way. I'm very much obliged to you. It was nice to tell him I was your friend, and he wagged his tail in a friendly fashion. Oh, that's all right, said Don as he limped to a shady place to lie down. End of Chapter 10 Recording by Tom Hirsch Chapter 11 of Don A Runaway Dog by Richard Barnum This LibriBox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Tom Hirsch Chapter 11 Don At A Party The little silky poodle dog followed Don, for the dogs in the pound were not very friendly toward one another, at least most of them were not. You would have thought, being all in trouble together, that they would be friendly and kind.  But Don and the little poodle dog did not quarrel. They seemed to be good friends from the start. Oh, have you hurt your foot? asked the poodle of Don. Yes, I stepped on some glass when the man with the net was chasing me, said Don. Oh, that's too bad, the other dog said. I'm so sorry. If you were at my house now, my little mistress would put some salve and a rag on your foot, and it would soon be well. Oh, dear, I wonder if ever I'll see her again, he sighed. See whom? asked Don. My little mistress, I belong to a little girl, the poodle explained. Why did you run away from her? asked Don. Run away, I didn't, cried the silky poodle. I went out on the front steps to get a breath of fresh air this morning, and when I stood there a bad boy came along, picked me up, and ran off with me. He wanted to take me away and sell me. I've often been stolen that way, said the poodle. I'm a very valuable dog, you know. You really have been stolen and carried away? asked Don in surprise. Oh, yes, answered the poodle. Then my little mistress or her father would put an advertisement in the paper, saying that whoever had taken me away could have some money if I were brought back, and I would then be taken home. So when this boy grabbed me up off the stoop, I thought I was stolen again. But a policeman saw the boy take me, and the policeman ran after him, so the boy dropped me and ran, and I got lost trying to find my way home again. Then the dog-catcher came and took me in his wagon. Oh, dear, it's too bad. Were you ever taken away like that? he asked Don. No, no, answered Don. I ran away. Ran away! exclaimed the poodle. Why did you do that? Didn't they treat you kindly? Did they whip you? Oh, no, said Don. My master Bob was very kind to me. I was never whipped, but I wanted to have some adventures, so I ran away. Did you have any adventures? asked the poodle, whose name was Rex. Many of them, replied Don. This is one. I wonder if we shall ever get out of here. Oh, I think so, answered the poodle. My little mistress or her father is sure to come looking for me. Well, I wish someone would come for me, or that I could find my way back to the farm, said Don, sadly enough. I'd never run away again. Never. It was not all that nice in the dog-pound. There was water to drink, but it was not clean, and it was very warm, for the sun shone on it all day long, and there was hardly anything to eat. Once in a while some scraps of food were thrown into the dogs, but there were so many of them, and they were so fierce and strong, the most of them, the little dogs like Rex, and lame dogs like Don, got nothing at all. And I am so hungry, whined Rex.  I'd be glad to have even a dry crust of bread, said Don, sadly. His foot paint him more than ever now, and he could walk about only a little, and very slowly. I am so sorry for you, said Rex. When my little mistress comes for me, I know she'll help you. Maybe she'll take you home when she takes me. Oh, I couldn't expect that, said Don. But I would be glad if I were back in the hole in the lumber pile with my friend Jack. I thought that was bad enough after my nice kennel, but I would be glad of it now. I wouldn't like to live that way, said Rex. Did you have a blue silk cushion to sleep on when you were home? he asked. No, said Don. But I had some nice clean straw. I like that better than a cushion, but now I am going over and get some of that water. Even if it is warm and muddy, I must drink it. And I'll have to take some, too, said Rex. But I wish I had some nice, cool, clean water out of my little white dish at home. Even dogs cannot have what they want, especially if they run away or get lost. So Don and Rex had to make the best of what they could get. Don and his new friend Rex had to stay in the pound several days. Each day they liked it less and less, for they grew hungrier and hungrier. They saw several of the dogs taken away by those who owned them, but no one came for Rex, and of course no one came for Don, for Bob did not know where his pet was, and the little mistress of Rex did not seem to think of looking in the pound for him. Many, many times in those days spent in the pound Don wished over and over again that he had never run away from Bob. Those were happy days, sighed Don. He even wished for the time he had spent with Jack, the stray dog. But Jack was more lucky than Don. He had not been caught and taken to the pound. I don't see why someone doesn't come for me, said Rex, one day, as he and Don were talking together in one corner of the pound. Don's foot was growing better now. Perhaps they may come today, said Don. I hope so, spoke Rex. I need a bath very much. I like to be clean, and I am so hungry for a good meal and for some nice food to eat and cold water to drink. So am I, said Don, but I don't believe we shall get either very soon. However, good luck was coming to Don and Rex. It was the very same afternoon that they saw the gate of the pound open and the dog-catcher come in. With him was another man and a little girl. Here are some stray dogs, said the pound-keeper. Maybe your pet is in here, little girl. Rex gave one look at the visitors, and then he let out a joyful bark and wagged his tail very hard. What's the matter, asked Don. That's my little mistress come for me, barked Rex. Now I'll be taken home and cared for. I wish that was going to be my luck, said Don, sadly. Oh, wow! barked Rex running up to the little girl. She looked at him once and then she cried. Oh, Father, here he is. Here's my own Rex. I've found him again.  Oh, how happy Rex was! So that's your dog, asked the pound-keeper. Yes, I've found him, cried the little girl happily. So it is, Rex, said her father. I wonder how he got here. We found him on the street, said the pound-keeper. And we have to pick up all stray dogs, you know. I know, yes, said the little girl's father. But now we'll take Rex home with us, Alice. Oh, yes, Father, and I must give him a good wash. I think he is hungry, too. Look at how thin he is! He must have had a hard time, said the man patting Rex on the head. I wonder what has happened to him since he was taken away. Oh, if I could only tell you, thought Rex. But, of course, he could not speak man or girl talk. Then a little mistress of the silken poodle started out of the pound with him in her arms. But this did not suit Rex. He did not want to go away from Don that way. Poor Don felt very sad and alone as he saw his little friend being taken away while he had to stay in the pound. Rex struggled so hard that the little girl had to put him down. Why, Rex, what is it? she asked. Don't you want me to take you home and away from this place? Bah, wow! barked Rex, which meant, yes, thank you, of course I do, but I have a friend here. And he ran up to Don and stood so close to him that, in a minute, the little girl's father guessed what the little poodle dog meant. Your pet has made a friend while in the pound, said the man.  Then Rex took hold of the shaggy hair of Don's leg, for that was as far up as he could reach. And he tried to pull Don toward Alice. Look, exclaimed the little girl. Oh, father, I believe Rex wants us to take that other dog with us. It does look so, spoke the man. I guess this big dog, whatever his name is, has been kind to Rex. Bah, wow! indeed he has, barked Rex. But, of course, Alice and her father could not understand his talk. They did understand his actions, however, for Rex did not seem to want to go away without Don. Oh, father, could we take him with us? asked Alice as she patted Don on his big head. He looked up at her with his big, kind, brown eyes. Well, yes, I suppose we could keep another dog, said the man.  You couldn't have him in the house as you do, Rex. Oh, please, let's take him home, begged Alice. All right, answered her father with a laugh. We'll take the big dog home, too, he said to the pound keeper. I am glad of it, said the pound keeper. I was sorry I had to bring that dog in, for he looks as if he has been in a good home. I'm glad you're taking him. So Don was led out of the pound, and he walked along beside the man while Alice carried Rex in her arms. Outside the dog pound was a big automobile. Alice and her father had come in that. See, James, cried Alice to the chauffeur. I have Rex back again. So I see, spoke the chauffeur. Hello, Rex. And he patted the poodle on the head, for he knew him well. Bow wow, barked Rex. Then to Don he said, Now we are all right. I'll have my blue silk cushion to sleep on, and we'll both have all we want to eat and good water to drink. Aren't you glad to come home with me? Yes, indeed I am, and thank you very much, said Don and his dog talk to Rex. But are we to ride in that auto, he asked. I never have been in one, though once one almost ran over me. Of course we are to ride in it, said Rex. I hardly ever walk. Jump in. If squinty the pig could only see me now, thought Don as he rode away with Rex. The first thing that happened to Don and Rex when they got to the place where the poodle dog lived was that they each had a nice bath. Rex, being so little, had his in the house. But Don got his scrubbing out in the automobile garage under a hose. And oh, how good it felt, the cool water splashing on him. Then he was dried in the warm sun and given a good meal. Now I am happy again, thought Don. But still, I would like to go back to the farm and my little master Bob. For several weeks Don lived in the barn back of the house where Rex had his home. Sometimes Don was taken into the house and allowed to play with Rex, for Rex was very fond of his big dog friend, and often Rex came out to the barn. One day Alice came out to the barn with a red ribbon in her hand. James, where is Don? she asked the chauffeur. What do you want with him, Miss Alice? asked the man who steered the auto. I want to tie this red ribbon on his neck to make him look pretty, she answered. I am having a party this afternoon, and I want Don to come to it a little while and do some of his tricks. He can do more tricks than Rex. Oh, there you are, Don! cried Alice as she saw the big dog. Come and have a nice ribbon tied on you, and then you may come to the party, she said. When the bow was fastened on his neck, Don was led into the house to the party. And a very wonderful thing happened there. CHAPTER XII Don did not know very much about parties, especially girls' parties. On the farm there had never been any parties, except for boys, and those were mostly fishing or nutting parties. Don never wore any ribbons to those. This party that Alice gave was quite different. Don was led into the parlor, and he saw many little girls sitting about, all wearing white dresses with sashes of different colored ribbons. Some of the sashes were almost as large as the little girls themselves. On the other side of the room were the boys, and they wore black suits and large white colors. Aha! thought Don. It must be Sunday the reason they are all dressed up so nicely, and that's why I have to wear a red ribbon. Yes, it must be Sunday. On the farm, you see, Don had seen Bob and the others put on different clothes for Sunday, and he thought it was that way now. But it was only Alice's party. Oh, what a lovely big dog! cried the girls, as Alice led Don in. Is he yours? We found him in the pound, answered Alice, and he can do tricks too. Alice had found this out soon after bringing Don to her home, and she and her father had put the dog through all the tricks that he could perform. Hello, Don! cried Rex, who was lying on a blue silk cushion.  This is a party, you know. Yes, said Don, barking softly. He was afraid to bark too loudly for fear of knocking down some of the vases from the mantel. Now, Don, said Alice, show the girls and boys how you stand up on your hind legs. Don kindly did this trick for Alice, as he had been used to doing it for Bob. Then he did others, and the boys and girls clapped their hands and left. Then, when Don had finished his trick of marching around like a soldier dog with a broom for a gun, a boy, larger than any of the others at the party, came into the parlor. As soon as Alice saw him, she ran up to him, crying, Oh, cousin Bob! I was afraid you couldn't come. You live so far off in the country, but I'm awfully glad you came to my party. So am I, cousin Alice, said the big boy. I came on the train. I wouldn't miss one of your parties for anything. Why, you have a new dog, he exclaimed as he saw Don. Yes, answered Alice. I got him out of the pound where they had taken Rex, and then suddenly Alice stopped talking for her cousin Bob, who had come all the way from the country to her birthday party, stood looking at Don in a queer way. And Don was looking at Bob. Why, why, why, began Bob? That dog, he looks just like, Why, I believe it's my dog, Don, that ran away from the farm a long while ago, he cried. It's Don! Don was barking now. He did not care how many vases he jarred from the mantle. Now, wow, he barked. Of course I'm Don, and you're my master, Bob. I know you! He sprang toward the boy, and, rising up, put his paws on Bob's shoulders, licking his master's face and hands with his tongue. Oh, look! cried the boys and girls. It's another trick. No, this isn't a trick, said Bob. It's just that Don is glad to see me again, aren't you, old fellow? Don barked, whined, and wagged his tail, and tried to do a half dozen things at once. He was so glad to see Bob again. And Bob was so glad to get his pet dog back that he put his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Oh, Don! cried Bob. Where have you been all these weeks? Of course Don could not tell, and Bob could only guess. And is he really your lost dog? asked Alice of Bob. He certainly is, answered Bob, laughing. But it is the strangest thing to find him at your party. Where did you get him? Then Alice told of how her pet Rex had been taken away, and how she had found him in the pound, and how Rex seemed to want Don to come home with him. And so we brought him and have kept him ever since, said Alice. But, of course, you can have him now, Bob. Thank you, said Bob. So it turned out that Don found his master again in a very strange way. And to think that I found Don this time, cried Bob. We missed him so at the farm. Squinty the pig runs out of his pen very often, and Don was the only one who could get him back. Yes, we need Don at the farm. Will you be glad to go back there, Don? asked Rex for the two dogs understood something of what was going on. Yes, I think I shall be glad to get back, answered Don. It was very nice here, of course, he said. And I like you very much, but I need room to run about. Someday I hope you will come to the country and see me. Perhaps I shall, said Rex.  I am so used to that. Then the party went on, Don doing more tricks for Bob, and how the other boys and girls laughed and clapped their hands. I wonder how I can get Don home, said Bob when the party was over, after the children had eaten ice cream and cake. You can ride to the farm in Father's automobile, said his cousin Alice, and Don can ride with you. That's how we brought him from the pound. That will be a good way, said Bob. The next day after Don had said goodbye to Rex, he was taken back to the farm in the automobile. Well, this is certainly better than running along on three legs, thought Don, whose sore foot was all well now. When they were halfway to the farm the automobile had to stop, because all the wind came out of one of the big tires. And James, the chauffeur man who steered the machine, had to get out to put on a new tire. While Bob and Alice, who rode with Bob carrying Rex in her arms, were waiting under the shade of a tree beside the road, they heard a bugle horn playing. What's that? cried Alice, soldiers. It sounds more like the horn of a fisherman, said Bob. But it was neither one. Don smelled a strange, wild animal smell in the air, like the one coming from the circus passing along the road, the day's squinty, the comical pig, had run away. Then a round of bend in the road came two men, one of them leading a big bear by a chain, and the other carrying the horn. Oh, it's a bear! cried Alice. I'm afraid. Don't be afraid, said Bob. It's only a tame train to bear. Don and Rex both barked at the bear. But to their surprise the bear spoke to them in animal language. Don't be afraid, the bear said kindly. I won't hurt anyone. I'm only going to do some tricks. And when the men spoke to him he turned somersaults, marched around like a soldier with a wooden gun, and climbed a telegraph pole. Isn't that a pretty good trick? asked the bear. It certainly is, said Don. I can do some tricks, but I can't climb telegraph poles. Oh, I can do other things too, said the bear. I have lots of fun going about the country with my masters. And in another book to be called Daito the Dancing Bear, I shall tell you what happened to the big shaggy creature. Soon the automobile tire was mended, and away went Bob and Alice again, with Don and Rex leaving Daito the bear sitting on the grass with the two men, eating a bun. A little later Don was back on the farm again, and everyone was glad to see him after all his adventures. And as soon as he could, Don ran out to see Squinty, the comical pig. Where in the world have you been, Don? asked Squinty. Oh, pretty, nearly all over, answered Don. Has anything happened here since I've been gone? Oh, I was bought by a boy, and I ran away, and I went up in a balloon, and I had many adventures, said Squinty. But I was glad to get back to the farm again. So am I, said Don, and then he went to look for a juicy bone. And so we will say goodbye to Don the Runaway Dog. End of Chapter 12, Recording by Tom Hirsch End of Don a Runaway Dog, His Many Adventures by Richard Barnum


If you missed the last one, there's a new one coming, but if you stand on the dock side, stand on the beach looking longingly at the boat that you missed, then your life will spend years, months, decades regretting the boat you missed, standing on the dock side weeping over the boat that you missed and that is not what life is about. Just keep going. Don't listen to the naysayers who told you it's this boat or no boat, it's this time or no time, it's this way or no way because that's not and never is true.