What is our obsession with superficial dating reality shows? Well, since I have my own fascination with it, I'm really excited to be introducing Dr. Friedman Bernbaum, who's a research psychologist and a psychoanalyst in New Jersey, and we're gonna talk about this today. So welcome, Dr. Frieda. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, well, I'm excited. So let's just jump right into it. Well, since I have a professional fascination with it, which has turned into a little bit of a personal obsession, why are people obsessed with dating reality shows these days? It is just amazing. I have been in practice for more than 30 years, and I've never seen such superficial dating sites as I have. Lately, they're showing body parts, switching partners, sexual promiscuous adventures that they're having, and it's really not helping these people. If anything, it's making the relationships worse. They're 50% of the population that's married, they're divorced. So give me a break. It's just for entertainment. So, okay, so it's just entertainment, but there's obviously a reason, particularly. And my demographic happens to be what I call midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement. And given that probably the highest, one of the highest demographics of singles these days are probably people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. And I believe here in the United States, we have something like 120 million singles. Now, I'm assuming that's based not married that doesn't necessarily include people in relationship. There's obviously a need being filled by watching these shows. What is that need being filled? You know, it does help because you supplement. If you're having problems with your spouse, instead of attacking that person and saying, you know, I guess what so-and-so is doing, what do you think they should do instead? Does it sound familiar? So actually it is helping people that are watching and those people are not going to the movies. They'd rather stay home on Netflix and watch, you know, Love is Blind, Marriage at First Sight. There's so many others. It keeps going on and on.  I mean, give me a break. I mean, it's hard enough when you meet the person and you don't even know who you're looking at. So I actually have a contrary point of view for a moment and I'd like to get your take on this. So, and I want to differentiate, you mentioned married people watching it. Let's talk about like the single demographic that's watching it from that vantage point because I want to talk about married people for a moment, but let me tell you why I have an interesting fascination. So mind you, Love is Blind is, you know, two people connecting in these pods, they can't visually see each other. They create this connection with one another and then they have to, or one person has to propose and then they, if the other person agrees, they physically meet, they go on a brief hunting or they go on a brief vacation together and then they live together for eight weeks. Okay, now let me tell you why I'm interested in this.  Now I say this because a lot of people are having physical intimacy before there's any agreement to a relationship. But why I'm fascinated with this model is that it accelerates everything in a compact period including the living together piece and why I see that so critically important is, I've observed that we really don't get to know another human being until we live with them, you know? The dating process is almost a long drawn out version of friends with benefits and by accelerating it, you get to make a decision much sooner rather than dragging out for years and I'd like your take on that. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that because in reality, you know, we're looking at pre-nups for divorce. What about a pre-nup for making it work? I was wondering why they don't do an emotional pre-nup. What are the things that are going to happen that will help you if you know about it now? When you live together, that's true, you're experiencing life together, but going into the history of the person, do they have secrets? Today, you know, what is the real gender orientation? Do they believe in monogamy? What about money? That's the biggest factor for divorce today, how to spend money. And of course, being faithful to the other person. So those things really would be better off being developed before you go into a relationship, before you can live together because really living together sort of overrides everything. You have this intimacy, you have these strong feelings towards each other and then that person, the romantic period three years can do no wrong. So you forget about all that stuff. There's some religions, the Orthodox religion, the Orthodox Jewish religion. They don't care how you feel about each other. They don't care about the attraction. They care about the history, the parents, is their divorce in the family. And then after the third date, they have to decide whether there's an attraction or not. But the other stuff really, and those marriages, believe it or not, last longer. So we really have to redefine the way we're looking at marriage today because it's not working. And the way people that are single, what it is they want. My daughter just texted me and I hope she doesn't look at this in her boyfriend. And she says, he doesn't listen to me. I'm talking. He's not responding. That in itself, the differences of different gender roles and how that is complicated that people don't wanna put up with much today. It used to be that you got married because it was practical. My mother used to stand outside the door of my office and say, this little Jewish woman, say, why are they coming to see you? They have food on the table. They have a place till they have shelter. What's the problem? Like, they have everything. That's the first thing my parents did when they came here to this country. They went and bought food. They were so excited. But today, values have changed. And even the marriage vows are very antiquated because women today know there are 16% of female students actually in college. It's 50 years ago, it's been reversed. So these women are really often making more money than the men. They have children before often. The men often stay home and work and take care of the children. What about extended families? All these things that have changed really need to change in the marriage vows because happily ever after, what does that mean? And the marriage vows till death do us part. What happens in between? So we need to change all this stuff and we need to look and see how our relationships can shift into looking at it seriously first before we even get that interaction. I know you don't agree with me because I've heard your thoughts. Oh, well, no, no, no, no. First off, let me be clear about something. I am in full agreement of having clear conversations before there's physical intimacy. I am absolutely staunchly clear and quite frankly, I'm encouraging my clientele to have these conversations before you physically meet someone and bringing it back to reality shows. In particular, there's the Indian matchmaker and the Jewish matchmaker show, which I actually, I- Where's the entire matchmaker? Well, yeah, we need, and then we need a Turkish matchmaker because my family is from Istanbul, Turkey. So, but interestingly enough, I'm in full agreement that the idea of living together, and I only bring this up as a conversation, is when two people agree they're gonna explore a relationship, you get to learn about them much quicker when you live together. That was my only point. Now, does that mean that's necessarily a practical thing? Absolutely not. Is that most likely gonna work? Probably not, but I think the point is that there's an intentionality. Is that when you live together, you talk about finances, you talk about spending expenses, you talk about things- But then you get a divorce.  Because living together is an open door for finding problems, and there are going to be problems either way. When you have that marriage certificate, people say, who needs that piece of paper? Guess what? There's more commitment and there's more need to work it out because it's messier. Divorce is much messier because one switch of a button and we're on to the next person and the next person could be worse or better, who knows. We have too many options today and that's why living together often doesn't work. And you have to understand I recently went through this experience. So I have a slight bias in this for those who know me. Again, I'm talking about the getting to know you period, whether it's practical or not, I don't even wanna define this practical. I would absolutely agree that being married is more of a substantial commitment. Now, given my demographic is a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s, there is a real reservation to getting married for this demographic. And I understand the why, especially if they've gone through some contentious previous relationship. But I wanna bring this back both to dating sites or excuse me, dating reality shows because there's a new show that's coming out there is a new show called The Golden Bachelor. Oh yes. And I'm actually really excited about watching this for a couple of different reasons. One, it's addressing the probably the highest growing demographic of singles today is probably 50, 60s and even 70 year olds. That's probably the highest growth demographic of singles. It's gonna be interesting because the 20 year old, a lot of the shows you and I've talked about, they're all for 20 year olds.  You're in a different mindset. When you're in a divorced mindset, it's a whole different ball game. And I'd like your take on it. Well, that's so true, but those 20 year olds are gonna be 40 year olds and 50 year olds and they'll be divorced. So they're gonna be in that category. So it's about, and I'm telling you, we all get there. Yeah, statistically speaking, they're gonna be in that category. Statistically, we're gonna be there.  And I took my husband, my pro-husband, I met him at a single's weekend, a Jewish single weekend in Grossed. I don't know if you've heard of those things a long time ago. Yeah, sure I have. There's a separate background. So after three months of being with him, he brought me to my parents and my mother said to him, you better marry my Frieda or she's not going out with you again. I'm thinking, what is she talking about? Who's even wants to get married? I was 22. But the way that was looked at was you have to work at it. You have to grow together. You have to be practical about it. So moving forward with divorce and all the things that we've gone through today, we need to be able to see that the second time around and the third time around, you have to know what to look for, how to respond. And it's not about you, it's about us. How do we, as a couple, was that your question was I went on into a different whole thing? No, well, where I'm going is, well, let me jump in because I think we, this really, this conversation is more about intentionality. You know, the fact is, is people that get married a second and third time divorce it even a higher rate. And I think it's because quite frankly, you know, they, I want to say, they certainly don't want to, they want to avoid the mistake they made before. Okay, that's clear. Most people go, I don't want to make the same mistake. However, they bring no new skills, no new awareness to making a relationship work because there's this belief, oh, if I meet the right person, it will just magically work out. And that's what these reality shows are kind of intimating. When you meet the right person, magic fairy dust is going to make all of this work out. And what at least I like to show, married at first sight, particularly, is that they have some psychologist and they have some therapist on the show talking about the importance of conflict resolution skills, talking about the importance of being mindful in the process. And while it's very peripheral, at least it's important to have these conversations and bringing it back to the single population. You know, when you say we need to do something, well, that's why I have a platform.  Yes. Like your mother did or your family did. Oh, my mother was right.  And she says, I mean business.  The romantic period is not really the in-depth time for a relationship. The in-depth time is when problems do happen. Arons or kids or health responsibilities, whatever that is. And who are you at this point in time? There are going to be problems when you're together. But when you're together for a long time, it changes, you're feeling shift into another place. Couples that live together often don't give themselves that opportunity to leave that romantic stage. But they can see each other in a way that's much more unconditional. Oh, we're not going out Saturday night anymore. We're not going to those places that I love to go. What happened to our traveling? What happened to our interesting couples that we used to go out with? All that stuff that's set up in the beginning that's really sort of superficial to tell you the truth. How often can you go out anyway? They maintain those standards. And when those standards are broken, the real marriage, the real stuff is never really encountered. And that real stuff is really what gives you more depth is what makes you closer and what makes you more unconditional to the other person rather than he did this or she did this. How many times is that person going to do something wrong without you looking at it and saying, okay, how can we fix it as a couple? It's too narcissistic today. It's about I and me, that person's doing something wrong. Well, how can we make it work? Where's the we here? I don't hear that enough. And that's what we need to look at more. Well, certainly I'm an advocate for people being more aware of how they show up in the process. It's interesting. I recently had Rabbi Manis Friedman on my channel and just a few weeks ago. And I was actually what inspired me to wanna interview him was something he said in the video that said particularly about men. He said, a man should want to be a husband. And that really struck me because I think in my 20s, I was looking for a wife, but I didn't think about what it meant to be a husband other than just pay the bills and do the so-called provider protector. I didn't know what it meant to really be a husband. And I've gone through a number of experiences since my divorce, and I've really stepped into this desire of wanting to be a husband and what that entails. And I'm looking for a wife who wants, I'm looking for a woman who wants to be a wife and what that entails. Do you have any thoughts on what I just shared? Wanting to be a husband, you know, it's interesting because my thought went right away. I went to the park with my husband and my son. I know it comes to my mind. And there was this man painting. This was yesterday. Okay. And I said, my husband likes to paint.  No, I don't want to look at it. And he did it. And his good feelings fed me. It was as if it was happening to me. So that's what it's all really all about. It's not about being anything. It's about integrating who you two are as one. And when that happens, it's often a lot of work. It really is a lot of work, but the feelings are great. And I keep doing that without being aware of it. And sometimes it happens at my expense. I will ask him things because I'll know he wants to be part of it. And I will not be in a good place because of it. But something about that feeds me. So am I your wife, I see a husband. It's just being intertwined with the right feelings for that other person.  It's very confusing what being a husband means today. Because it used to be easy. You went out to work, the woman stayed home, had the kids and you came home and it was it. Today the woman can often make more money than the man. What role does that mean for the man? What does the man want? Does he want a woman to make equal and more money?   So I did a study on that that women who are not going to became professionals or educated in the midst of it, they were divorced. But if it worked, guess what happened? The marriage is better than ever because there was respect on both sides. A stamp symbol outside the home goes ahead and comes into the home as well.  Because sometimes our pathologies set us up to pick certain people so our self-esteem can go up. What is that called? Gaslighting? I just did something on that. I hate to say this. Well, let me jump in because I want to address something. So, and let me be clear, when I say being a good husband is really showing up in your sovereignty and not being dependent upon the other person for your happiness. And I mean it the other way. Yes. You know, the white. I mean, what that means to me is more about how you show up in this process. At the same time, I am completely in agreement on the concept of there's a you, there's a me, and then there's a we collective. It's the recognition that the relationship is about a we and how do I as an individual and the other individual integrate into the we, I'm in full agreement with that. I think, you know, I just don't believe that we are taught this to some degree. I don't think there's any, it's certainly, at the time, it isn't role modeled in our homes. It isn't certainly something taught in school and no teenager or even a 20 year old is gonna listen to this conversation. I think it really comes back to, it's rarely role modeled in our society. It's rarely ever talked about and what's happened because of reality TV in particular and certainly our current dating marketplace with the advent of the swipe connection. We've turned in, I've just noticed that we've turned in more into a short term mating strategy of physical pleasure, basically. It's kind of like, and I wanna say one more thing and I want your take on it. I've often said romance should be reserved for those in a relationship, not as a precursor to enter into a relationship. We typically use a highly romantic field to get someone to physically be intimate with you. And as you said before, all that seems to change. I think the problem is most people aren't going in very intentional with the idea of basically getting married, if you will, or at least creating some sort of partnership with one another. Well, you need two people to bring excitement into the relationship equally. If you don't have that, something is missing on one side or the other. So that's right away a different premise than what we used to have. And those two people, when they have, they're fulfilled with each other, then they can have a relationship with the other person. So there's something to give back and forth. That has changed a lot. When we're looking at the 20 year olds, it's all about being physical. It's all about being intimate. It's all about being more assertive and aggressive and getting other people jealous of them. All that superficial stuff. And the scary part about that is we're teaching our children what they need to do as far as the role models that they have in front of them. We don't have role models that have interesting situations happening to them where they're growing together, they're productive together, they're taking turns, change, we don't have anything of that. And by the way, it's not boring. Marriage, it sounds a blah, forget about it. I've been married more than 50 years, by the way. Oh, congrats. More than anybody's oldest or whatever with everything. But the thing is, it's not blah if you're growing. If you're changing, if you're evolving, if you're making differences, that everything that you need is important to you, changing jobs, changing locations, changing different lifestyles, friendships, whatever that is, if you keep growing, it could be more exciting, the romance, the intimacy, then a relationship where there isn't that kind of commitment. So people have the wrong role models today. These reality shows are hope are not being taken too seriously because everybody looks like a model. Everybody looks fantastic, come on.  We forget about what is it that keeps these two together? It cannot be possible that those people are together for a long term because after all, things do change, and your preferences do change. So we're talking about the essence of that person is when you see older couples, if you ever see them sitting on the couch together on TV and they say, why did you leave them there looking? And I'm thinking, what do they see each other? What they see each other is the essence in the soul of that other person. People that knew each other in high school get together 30 years later. And I'm thinking, boy, they look so different, they're falling apart. That's not what they see. They remember the vitality, the genuine person. And that's what keeps people really together. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a show, like, whatever, that emotional prenup or happily ever after something, where you do talk about those things that keep people together and what defines a successful relationship that could be a lot of fun, really. It really is constantly changing. I'm not the same person my husband met. If he met me now, he wouldn't have a problem. We probably wouldn't even be with each other because we've changed a lot. So what occurs to me, and I've witnessed this habitually, so I wanna be clear, but I believe that we also have a very wounded population, emotionally wounded population who is entering into the single population. What I mean to say is childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed. And what happens is they're seeking relationship, and I'm certainly, I'm very guilty of this. I am very guilty of believing that if I'm in the right relationship, I'm going to feel better. And what I didn't realize and took me years of recognizing that it wasn't about the other person, I had to do inner work. I had to do work to heal those childhood wounds. I had to do work to heal my adult traumas, particularly the ending of my marriage and such. And I think one of the challenges we have and why reality shows are a form of escape is that it causes people not to necessarily address the reason why they're single. And that is usually because you have an unhealed wound or wounds or many wounds. And what's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result? I think that's a huge problem that we face as a single population. And they're bouncing off of each other. And this is true coming back to divorce. There's a reason why folks get divorced. It's not because they're not growing together.  As a therapist, I would be interested to hear how you feel about this from the wounded single population being out there in the dating population. Absolutely. We marry other people or we partner with other people and expect these strangers to make up for what happened to us with our parents. And these strangers are clueless. So they're attacked and they defend themselves. And here we go again. And then they go to people like myself. So really what happens is we tend to marry our opposite sex parents. So I hate to say this but if you have a relationship bad or good, if you adored by your father and he thinks you're the best of one everything, then you marry somebody who sees you that way. And if that person can't keep up with that, that person's in trouble because that person's a human being. He's not your father. He's not trying to make you feel better and vice versa. So it's true, we do marry our parents and we have to be able to say, wait a minute, this is this person here. What can I do with this person? And what can I do with what happened in the past? If it's bad news, if it's something that you have to work on, that's okay. But just know the difference. When you have an argument, don't use your background because arguments can really be dirty and can really be horrible. And you can really know how to get to that person. You'll use their parents, you use their income, whatever you can get to make them feel bad, you'll absolutely do. And then what happens with that, you're both in different corners. It's like two boxers trying to fight each other because you don't get it. You just don't get it. So the important thing is to know when you're looking at a person, don't identify that person with somebody that you know. And most people do. Oh, that person reminded me of my father. He's easygoing, he's low-key. No, he's not. You don't really know that about him yet. Find out who he really is. Find out that he's maybe more assertive. Find out that he has differences and different needs. Give that person a chance. But we stay stuck with our background and then what happens is we get disappointed because we're not getting what we set up to get. And then again, we split up. We split up way too easy. We don't feel that we have to put up with anything today. In the past, we used to have to put up with different things that we have to, you know, work ethics, poverty. It was really hard. Today we have higher standards. But sometimes those standards are too superficial and they're too high. We need to get back to the basics of what's really important. So forget about your parents.  You were a child. Forget about years of therapy.  This was then you couldn't do anything about it then. Now you can't marry the right kind of person.  Well, I'm gonna say this though. And, you know, we can just simply wave a magic wand, marry the right person. Okay, that's an easy thing to say out loud. I've observed that, you know, the first three or four months of dating, you're oftentimes, you know, like Chris Rock says, you're dating the ambassador of someone's best self. In other words, you're not really seeing who they are. Okay? And again, because dating today is more entertainment-based. It's about the doing of things. Why, and I wanna come back for my argument of living together, and when I say living together, I'm saying a trial run in this particular capacity, is that, or at least like the TV shows are, is it requires you to integrate into each other's lives? In other words, you're making, like we're saying, look, we're gonna dive into this and see if this really works. I'm coming back to the reality show, particularly Love is Blind or Married at First Sight. As a trial run to see if we actually get along with each other, if we actually are, you know, you can start to see who that person's personality is much quicker. The thing is, when you say marry the right person in our current dating environment, it's years dating someone. And oftentimes you really don't see who they are until you actually really integrate into each other's lives. I mean, really integrate. That's when you start to see, when you start to spend time with family and friends, when you really start to do social activities together, when you're integrating your professional lives together. I think this is more of the challenge is people don't know who the other person is and the fact is, is our current dating process, you could spend years and not even know who this person is. You will never know who the other person is. You'll never be happy. I'm actually glad you're talking to me. You'll never get what you want. Well, when you say you never get to know a person, I think, well, no, no, when you say never get to know, I'm gonna suspect that you and your husband trust each other, okay? It has nothing, listen, we've been married a long time, it's true. And we've had, almost every other day, why am I here, believe me, it goes through my mind because things happen. Being married a long time doesn't mean success and being divorced doesn't mean failure, but here's the real logic of this whole thing. When you're married, you're going to have problems.  So forget about all that. Let's face it, forget about the wedding and the honeymoon and all that stuff. And then when you're ready to say there're gonna be problems and here comes one of them and then you can endure it. Then you can endure a relationship because we say relationships are, oh, I have to find the best person for me. When I say the right one, I'm saying figure out what it is, but then when you get on that ride, you're going to be on a bumpy rope, a bumpy slopey, whatever that is and get ready for that. People are very disappointed when that happens. And it used to be in the past because life was harder. Today, actually there are upsets too, economically, politically, all kinds of things are happening, the pandemic. There's a lot of stressors out there as well. But when you go ahead and you say, I am ready and I think the word happy is overplayed. I think the word comfortable, do you agree comfortable is something that's a much more- Contented is the word I think of, content. Contented, okay, contented. Yeah, you're right, that's a better word. Contented is really more at-propos to who we are. Happyness is a fleeting moment. You can be happy for a second.  But we need to be realistic. So yes, these TV shows, they're fun. They're fun to watch. They're fun to see how possibly, let me ask you this question, how possibly can anything work? If you let's say you're in the best relationship and they put you into a room with some beautiful person of the opposite sex for three weeks, how can you not flirt with that person? How can you not be turned on by that person? And how can you not make your partner jealous? It's not possible to do that. So all these things are a setup for things not to work. So this is something that is not good for the people who are involved, although they wanna be in the media, maybe they wanna have their own show, things like that. That's the way. Sure. I mean, I think the impetus for those that actually go on these shows is some sort of, maybe it's their 15 minutes of fame, which is longer than 15 minutes, but there is that egoic aspect to it, the people that do the shows. And yet there is still a huge population of people that, especially the bachelor, there's the bachelor nation, there are bachelor groups and forums where people are talking about the show. And in fact, it's kind of an interesting social commentary, particularly the bachelor, because it's the water cooler conversation the next day, not in your physical water cooler like it used to be in the past, it's the virtual water cooler. And it's interesting because I think a lot of people see what not to do. I actually watch these shows and start to really recognize, hey, these are the things not to do. And to that extent, if a person goes in with a truly introspective mind instead of a brainwashed mind, in other words, you're being brainwashed by what's happening, if you can go in with this introspective mind, it can really be an opportunity to say, okay, these are the things not to do. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Yes, well, we have to be able to know that it's nice to have fun and it's nice to be able to let go. But what are the consequences of it? Where are we going with this? Momentary pleasures, instant gratification is something that just happens now when we look at where we're going with it and when we're looking at our responsibilities, it could be even more fun because you end up finding things out about the other person that you never would have imagined. Oh, that person's afraid to go on high, you know, buildings or something. Oh, I don't too. Oh, let's navigate. Let's go through life this way. Let's do this. Let's fight for ourselves and for, let's be the ones that are gonna protect each other for everything that's out there. So it becomes much more effective when you're looking at each other in a way that says, you know what, we can do this, all our insecurities that we have, but we don't show insecurities. We only show people who are, I don't know what they are, they're not real because everybody has stuff. Everybody has, as you said, pathologies from the past. When you go hand in hand and you face those insecurities, that's really fun. That's when you have somebody that you can really say, we're in this together. Hey, honey, do you wanna, I know you don't like to do this, let's do this and enjoy that. So I'm talking about being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is being genuine, you know, and that's when you're the most like, not when you're perfect, not when you look like a model, not when you have a perfect body or whatever, but being somebody who is authentic, that's the person that's interesting because you can only, well, I don't know about men, men are very visual, but you can only look at somebody so long when you get born to the depth of who that person is. Isn't that more exciting, you know, a meeting of the minds? Isn't that really what makes a person a much more interesting from day to day? What are they doing? Where are they going? What can they bring to the table to make us grow together? So that's really something that some cultures have. American cultures really don't have enough of that. Other European cultures have more of that mindset of the person who has wisdom, the person who's sensual, it doesn't have to be a 20 year old, actually they think older women are more sensual. I should move there, but it's not practical for me. I've been living in this house for a long time. But, you know, that's something that needs to be really looked at when we're looking at going into a long-term situation. When you go into a second marriage, you go into a third marriage, you're saying it doesn't last as long. You know why it doesn't last as long as the first one? Because you find out, what? No, I was gonna say, what is it? I wanna know what it is too. No, because you find out what really is happening is, hey, if I were to work them the first one, I wouldn't have to go through all that stuff.  You see, so why bother? So a lot of that is a wake up call for you. And so the marriages are not, or their relationships are very disappointing because you see that it is, as you said, it's about you. How much are you willing to work on the problems?  But you can get out of that. You can go into a different place, it's up to you. So you're right. That person that is with you doesn't have all the availabilities that you need, but you can work around it. So I want to dive into back to the reality shows and something occurred to me while we're speaking. I think it would behoove therapists to actually start their own YouTube channels merely just talking about the psychology, the pathology, the intricacies of these reality shows literally in real time talking about what is actually happening. And why I'm bringing this up is, I think when people begin to start to understand human behavior, and we can use this as a forum to get the conversation started, that's what my channel is all about, is I continually draw attention to the importance of doing inner work. And this is just anecdotal on my part, but I would venture to say that 80% of the population has weak emotional maturity and very weak relationship skills.  And in the past, when you had family to support the entire relationship, it allowed for margin of error if you had weak emotional maturity, weak relationship skills. Now, most people enter into relationship, particularly those in midlife, and they don't have any support system, very few actually go to therapy and work on their own individual stuff so that when it comes up in the marriage, they can actually work on it. So coming back to my idea, I would offer the, I'm gonna start doing this with the Golden Bachelor, but I'm gonna offer my commentary from a human behavior perspective and not an entertainment perspective. You know, it's so true that we used to have communities of cousins and families living together in one area. So there was a lot of bouncing off back and forth of opinions and help and support system. Now we move away from our loved ones, we're isolated and so we go to therapy and something's therapy becomes too intense and you come too much into yourself and then you have this bubble around you. That's not always great either, I don't think. So we become too serious as well. So what do we do? We need to be able to expand our horizons, our center that we're involved with to have more people around us, to not to move away from our family, to stay with relatives and friends and see that other people have issues, how other people resolve their issues, that it's not the end of the world, that there are other things that you can look at and talk about as well and to integrate all kinds of lifestyles and decisions within one mindset. Instead of just dwelling on per little me, what do I have to do? Because we're larger than us ourselves and when we used to have those kind of communities around us, it wasn't only the marriage, but it was people that you'd go to church, there'd be organizations, there'd be different entertainment types of celebrations, holidays. We don't do that today. We hardly do that. Certainly to the same degree it was in the past, there's no doubt about it. People live too far away for the holidays, often so you end up Skyping or Zooming, which they say is as good, but it's not as good. It's not the same. No, it's not the same. You don't see the same thing with Thanksgiving and they're bothering you about who are you marrying and the kids or whatever, you don't get the same dynamics, but it's different. So those are the things that are keeping people from growing in a way and they're taking themselves way too seriously because when you look around you, you'll see all kinds of situations that people are stuck in or they're working on. And then you say, hey, wait a minute, maybe that's life. Maybe that's the way I grow by conquering these things. When you reach the depth of sadness, that's when you can reach the heights of happiness. That's the only way. That's the way to do it. I think people don't know that. They think, what, there's no sadness. So this is not allowed in my life. I'm only allowed to feel good, look great and then move on to the next. Well, that's the housewife reality show. Some Botox and you know. I was gonna say, that's the housewives reality show. That's the Kardashian. I wanna bring, before we come to a close, I wanna bring it back to two reality shows that I actually found incredibly fascinating and I mentioned them earlier was the Indian matchmaker and the Jewish matchmaker. I really actually enjoyed those shows, particularly the Indian matchmaker, the woman who was the Sema auntie or auntie Sema, I can't pronounce it properly or not can't, I'm not recalling it. I find them fascinating because the family is part of the decision-making process. And in particular, what I like about it and this is what I advocate on my channel, you've watched a few of my videos, I always talk about, I'm your big brother. If I could be there for you on the first date, my job would have a shotgun pointed at the guy's head and saying, what's your intention with my little sister? Now my point is, it's not to be in a hostile way but the idea is to really get someone's clarity before they go down this emotional roller coaster because it is an emotional roller coaster to begin relating with another human being, especially when there's physical intimacy. That changes the dynamic dramatically. What I like about the show and particularly there was a episode or two with the Jewish matchmaker where the siblings were there interviewing the guy or man because it's like, look, if you ever want to have a chance with my sister, you have to go through me. You got to prove yourself to me, not from a, you know, worth perspective but certainly intention. As we're getting come to a close, what are your thoughts on those two particular shows once again? First of all, I love it what you just said because as I was talking about community, that we have each other's back, we have different opinions what the other person's saying. So that's really a lot of fun but they both have similar context to it and that is the richness of the history of where they come from. And it's funny, yes.  Trust me, although I married somebody in my religion still it's very different. So that part of the show when you watch the ethnic backgrounds and their expectations of what it is, a lot of it is community. A lot of it has other people involved. A lot of it is other people doing their work. So today, as I said before, we're isolated and we don't have that backup from other people. So we don't have the cousins, the parents to introduce each other, to know who this person really is, the friends. What do the friends think of this person? What about through the relatives? Do they have something good to say about this person? So when you have all that stuff going for you, then it's much easier to get involved in the relationship. But do not have intimacy first because that really marks the whole picture. That's exactly it. Everything's wonderful. Everything is coming up roses. But those roses after a while, what happens to roses? Yeah. They wilt. Well, Dr. Frida, I really appreciate you coming on my channel, being able to share your wisdom, your experience. This conversation about dating, reality shows in particular, dating reality shows was something that I really was looking forward to. I hope we provided some value to those that watched. Before we wrap up, is there any, how can people reach you if they wanna follow you or can you just share? And I'll post a link in the comments below. I have a podcast. It's called The Dr. Frida Show, DOCTOR Frida for our ETA Show. And if they wanna contact me, it's DOCTOR for our ETA at email.com. Okay. And I'll post a link below. Well, we have something in common and I just wanna end this show by once again, giving you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of appreciation and love. Love it, thank you so much. Yeah. Everyone, I hope you found value in this. Please post a comment below if you did. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and check out all the links below as well. I'm gonna wrap up this broadcast by saying, thank, bye to everyone. Bye. Thank you.


Hi everyone, Joe for jaspyscasewrakes.com coming at you with a 2020-2021 mosaic basketball cereal box break Number 39 the last filler we got to do to unlock that hip parade basketball That's going to come up in The next video if you're looking for that big thanks to this group for making it happen appreciate it They're all the teams right there. We'll do the break first Let's roll it and randomize names and teams five and a four nine times each one two three Different dice will for the giveaway part as you know by now five and a four nine times for the teams one two and Ninth and final time Could be some surprises in this cereal box. I don't know. We'll find out. All right. There's the first half of the list right there The second half the list over here and let's print and rip Good luck gang appreciate the efforts. These are the exclusives to this set. Okay Not bad Desmond vane and that will be for Steve Burch and the gris He's out for a little bit with the toe issue, but He's pretty good to develop into a really nice player in the in the the association. All right. Let's flip back over here Let's grab everybody's names again for the giveaway part good luck top nine after Three one and two fingers crossed everybody one two and three Now from ten on down Sorry Ron very close, but not quite. I appreciate you trying though 10 through 30. Thank you appreciate it But only the top nine can get in and that's gonna be Brian Brian again, Ed Ed Steven flat Steve birch Steve birch Steve birch and Ed Congrats the top nine after three. We'll see in the next video for the break itself. Jasper's case breaks.com


Hey everyone. Happy Wednesday. It's wonderful Wednesday. Welcome everybody. I'm so glad you're here with me. I am going to be talking about how to survive. Okay. Okay, there we go. Sorry.  If you have a different difficult menstrual cycle, I want to talk to you about that today. So share this video with anybody you think might benefit from this information. Believe it or not, women are suffering in silence. It surprises a lot of women whenever they get into conversations with their girlfriends and they find out that they're not the only one who is struggling. So please share this video on all your social media. Anybody you know that might have a daughter, anybody who needs some assistance with their menstrual cycle. So I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you chose to be with me here today. Today I'm going to discuss three tips that you can use to help you survive a difficult menstrual cycle. And then I'm going to be sharing with you three more tips on what you can do to reverse this problem you are having with your menstrual cycle. So tell me what reproductive issue you're struggling with. Please put it in the chat. If you have questions, please put them in the chat because at the end of my presentation, I plan to go back and answer all of your questions. Okay. Also, if you could tell me if you have done anything to change your diet as of yet. As you guys know, if you're following me, you know that I recommend using food as medicine. So I'm curious to know if you're still having a menstrual issue, have you started changing your diet yet? And have you downloaded my free foods to avoid list? You probably should do that. Download that list and start eliminating those things from your diet. But we'll talk about that in just a few minutes. And tell me where you're tuning in from. I always love to hear where people are coming from. This broadcast reaches people all over the world. And so I'm really excited to talk to you about this. Also, like I said, if you are just joining in at the end of this presentation, I'm going to be answering your questions. So please put them in the chat. If you're new here, welcome.  My name is Chelsea Knudsen. I'm a certified holistic health coach, a life coach, and a detoxification specialist. And I help women to shrink fibroids and heal reproductive issues using food, herbs, and God's word as medicine. You can go to my website at whatchelsieats.com after this session to look for more. If you're interested, there are links down in the description box below. But let's get into the presentation. I'm excited to talk to you about this topic today because I believe that if you follow the tips that I'm telling you to follow, you can experience breakthrough in your menstrual cycle. And I'm not coming to you, giving you information that I think will work. I'm giving you this information because it has worked for like I have personal experience with using this information that I'm going to give you and it helped me. I have lots of experience with horrible, painful, long, heavy menstrual cycles. When I implemented some of these things that I'm going to tell you today, that's when things started to turn around and I stopped suffering. The reason you are having these difficult periods, though, is because of toxicity, two things, toxicity and deficiency. Toxicity and deficiency comes from what we eat, what we drink, what we think in our environment, or things that we put on our bodies. So environment, I put that in the same category as things that are absorbed through our skin. So here are three tips to help you survive a difficult menstrual cycle. The first one might seem like, how does that even work?  Most women who have a difficult menstrual cycle are dehydrated. And what I mean is dehydrated at a cellular level, like the cells in your body are not absorbing what you take in or the water that you take in or the water from your fruits and vegetables that you eat.  Two, you're probably not eating raw fruits and vegetables and the quantities in which you need to in order to absorb the water. And three, it could be if you are drinking water, you may not be drinking the kind of water that is actually going to get into your cells and actually serve as hydration for your body. So my suggestion is for you to use distilled water to drink. And the reason I say distilled water, and there's all kinds of arguments as far as what kind of water to drink, you can drink whatever kind of water you want to drink.  What I'm here to tell you today is what kind of water helps for the menstrual cycle and for hydrating the body in the first place. So distilled water has nothing in it, it has been stripped of everything. So it's just water. So what I do with the distilled water is I do something called structuring the water. And that's a whole nother video about structured water, but simply what structuring the water means for this particular purpose is to add lemons or lime to that water. So what you would do is you would take one liter or four cups of water or of distilled water. This is how it works best. You can use other water if you just don't have any access to distilled water, but distilled water is going to be your best bet. And also for distilled water, you want to buy the best distilled water you can find. So you can go in the grocery store and find distilled water in those nasty plastic bottles that have the handle on them. Usually those bottles though, you can use that water if it says that the plastic bottle is BPA free. There are distilled water. There are companies that put distilled water in BPA free plastic bottles. So you can buy that if you'd like. The stores that typically will sell the distilled water and BPA free containers are places like Whole Foods, Sprouts, sometimes Kroger, probably Publix, I'm not sure, but check your local surroundings to see where you can find a BPA free bottle of distilled water, gallon-sized bottle. Once you've found that or you can buy yourself a distiller, I use a distiller. That's the kind of water I drink. I distill it at home. It's very easy. You can go on my website at whatchelsieats.com and look under the link that says products I love and you'll see the distiller that I love. And there might even be a link down in the description box below that said that talks about the products I love and they can take you to that page. But anyway, what you're going to do is you're going to take one liter or one or four cups of distilled water and you're going to add the juice of two lemons or two limes. Now, if you can handle drinking more than two or you can build up to drinking more than two, that's going to be even better. So if you can put three or four lemons or limes into a liter of water and then you're going to drink two to three of those during the day while you're on your menstrual cycle. The reason that you're going to do this is because this water is going to hydrate your cells and going to help your body to assimilate the iron that is maybe floating around your body or in the food that you eat or in the herbs that you take or in your iron supplement if you take an iron supplement. You guys know I'm not a fan of iron supplements but if that's what you take, great. The lemon water, the vitamin C in the lemon water is going to help to help you assimilate the iron in your body to help continuous or the minerals in your body so that you can help to help your body to use what you do have on hand in your body. Now, uh-oh, what happened? You went away? There you are. Sorry, I thought I lost you there for a second. So then what you what you want to do though is use this water not even just for that but to hydrate your body. The hydration also helps your uterus not to have to work so hard to expel the toxic waste in your body. So you know how you'll have like these these uh heavy menstrual cycles or not that's not what I meant to say. You know how you have these like really bad cramps or you can feel your uterus just kind of expanding and contracting trying to push out the blood. Well a lot of times it's working so hard because your body is dehydrated and it's trying to push it out. So if you have the right hydration levels in your body your uterus won't have to work so hard to push out the toxins.   Men don't have that that detox organ because they don't have the opening of the vagina. So when you shed your blood every month it is getting rid of the toxic waste and the lining of your uterus that was being prepared for um when you were to if you were to get pregnant. So your body's trying to expel it but if you have enough water in your body it will cut down on that work that your womb feels like it needs to do to get rid of all the junk in your body. So drink the water and you'll notice if you drink the type of water I'm telling you with the lime and the lemon you will actually feel in your skin, in your body, in your hands, in your legs and especially if you drink the quantity that I'm telling you to drink you will feel your body actually start to hydrate and I always I suggest that you do this every day not just while you're on your menstrual cycle. So there's the first tip, the hydration tip. The second tip is to take some time and put um put your hand over your womb and speak peace to it. The scripture says in mark 439 then he then he arose and rebuked the wind and said to the sea peace be still and the wind ceased and there was a calm I and you know I would say something like I rebuke the storm going on in my womb and I command you to be at peace and be still in Jesus name and what that means for me is first of all it shouldn't be rumbling and bumbling like that your your womb should not be acting the way it is it should not be you shouldn't be hemorrhaging you shouldn't be having all these crams it should that should not be so if it should not be then that means that means that I can take the word of God and apply it to that body organ and tell it to calm down so if your womb is in turmoil there's a problem that means there's a reason that it's in turmoil and it's bleeding and it's you know flipping and flopping and you know expanding and contracting and usually and I'll tell you again about toxicity and and deficiency it's because of toxicity meaning what we're eating what do you have on your plate three times a day or however many times you eat do you eat healthy yes or no most people don't and even if they don't even if they think they do sometimes they're not then either what you drink what are you drinking are you drinking soda are you drinking sparkling water are you drinking juice from the can or from the bottle you know what I mean what are you doing and what do you have going on up here are you you know do you have like is your mind like a mess are you continuously stressed out what's going on in your environment are you around toxic people do you live in a toxic environment those things need to be addressed and that's those are those are the reasons why your situation is the way it is and if you could point out just one thing in each one of those character categories it's time to make a change okay so here's the third thing the third thing to do is to get yourself some rest I know you have a job I know you have things to do but carve out some time so that you can rest so that you're so you can let your body do what it needs to do during this time of the month most of us know when our period is going to come so we know we can adjust our schedules to allow ourselves rest during that time when we're getting our menstrual cycles especially whenever you're bleeding all like that you you're making things worse if you keep going all the time when you're bleeding your guts out or you got menstrual cramps that are out of this world you can barely handle it um it's time it's time to slow down and let your body do what it needs to do so if you know your if you know your period is coming next Thursday or around then then that means you know don't schedule anything with your girlfriends to go out you know don't don't schedule like extracurricular activities maybe schedule something where maybe you can you know get some extra rest that time and do whatever it is that you do that helps you to rest and so those are very practical things that you can do to help you get through a difficult menstrual cycle now you may be saying Chelsea you didn't talk about pain you didn't talk about how can I stop this heavy bleeding all that stuff well there's not really much you can do in the moment that you're having that terrible menstrual cycle your menstrual cycle today is a result of what you did the last three months of your life let me say that again your menstrual cycle today is a result of what you did the last three months of your life so if you ate crap you drank crap you thought crap your environment was crap guess what your menstrual cycle is going to look like today crap okay so um what we can do is start from today and change what's going to happen in the future so let me tell you some things you can do to help reverse this problem you can start with your diet if you haven't start if you have not changed your diet you've got to stop rebelling against it you need to do what you've got to do to change your diet because this isn't going to get better you your you will it so the fibroids are now but what's going to happen in two and three years is it high blood pressure is it diabetes is it cancer is it your joints start to break down and you got to ride one of those um little scooters around the the the Walmart because you can't walk anymore is it that you can't work anymore like the food will drive you to a place where your life will be miserable you might be alive but you will not be living so you've got to start here the fibroids or whatever your reproductive issue is just a smoke signal saying help me now please help me i need help so you need to change your diet first thing download that foods to avoid list if you have not downloaded that list it's free and if you're just jumping on make sure you go back and watch to the the beginning of this video because there's some important information that i shared at the beginning that will help you with this whole process of changing the way your period looks um and please share this video with anyone you think it will help so download that foods to avoid list the link is down in the description box if you need to figure out how to eat there are recipes on my youtube channel here where i show you how to make the food go down in the description box and click on the playlist um what i eat in the day and recipes playlist they're down in the description box i even have recipe ebooks that you can purchase on my website at what chelsea eats dot com there um is a link down in the description box for for that but you cannot keep eating the way you're eating and expect to have a healthy menstrual cycle it's just not going to happen um most women are bleeding way too much they're bleeding your guts out every month you're supposed to only bleed about two to three tablespoons of blood for your entire menstrual cycle did you hear me two to three tablespoons for your entire menstrual cycle those who of you who always watch me you know that i often say that but the but that is what's normal but it's not normal in today's world because most people are bleeding way too much because we all eat junk so the next thing that you can do so first is change that diet the next thing you can do is help to help to start supporting yourself with um adding some herbs to your regimen i don't have any herbs here with me right now but um i you can go down in the link down in the description box to click on my herbal store there is the womb healing tea on the new creation womb healing tea which helps shrink fibroids and cysts and helps get rid of scar tissue and endometriosis that that um tea will help um you to eliminate the junk that the congestion that is in the pelvic region that's the purpose of that tea if you are bleeding i have the bleeding formula that helps you to get rid of the heavy bleeding it's just assisting it is not the answer like some people will take that and it does help and they feel like it's the answer but it's not the answer the answer is we've got to change our overall lifestyle but the bleeding formula will help you if you are bleeding your guts out there are um nutritive herbs and um herbs that are a stop gap for emergency bleeding and for heavy bleeding in general so it's designed to slow or stop heavy bleeding that's what the bleeding formula is for and then the bye bye anemia is the third one that i would suggest right now just for blanket you know you know telling you what herbs you can do use to support yourself um is the bye bye anemia which helps to reverse the the low iron situation you've got in your body and it also can serve as an iron supplement i think herbs are better than iron supplements because i believe your body can utilize them better and if you take all three of these you can take them together there's a video on my website um under the under each one of these teas that shows you how to make what i call a strong brew to to knock this problem out with these with with these issues um with these reproductive issues and lastly and i think this is probably the well it's the most important so the the most important is what i'm about to tell you the second important is changing your diet and the third importance is the herbal remedies that that help um so oh one thing before i get into this third one don't think that you can take herbs and you can bypass taking care of your body it might help temporarily and it might help some but it's not going to make the problem go away you have to take care of yourself you know you do all right anyway so the third thing address the root cause of why you're having the difficult period in the first place and this is emotional this is spiritual are you bitter are you stressed what are you stressed out about what is the main stressors in your life what's going on there did you have an abortion did you assist somebody else in having an abortion did you did you talk somebody else into having an abortion were you abandoned were you rejected like what are those negative emotions that constantly plague you what's going on the this getting to the root of why you're having this issue is paramount and you might be saying well what does bitterness have to do or stress have to do or especially what does an abortion have to do with having having you know a reproductive issue all these things are connected to you spiritually and spiritual problems are connected to sicknesses and diseases and one of the connections to sickness and disease in the womb area are some of the things that are the things that I just talked to you about bitterness stress abortion abandonment rejection and there's more but those that's just that's just me just giving you a few so you can start to pray and ask God to reveal to you what the spiritual root is for your problem it could be anything it could be that you had a major job loss maybe you had a huge financial hit because you got sick maybe you your husband divorced you cheated on you I mean it could be anything but if you ask God to help you pray start praying asking you asking him for the root he is faithful if you ask him he will give you to help that you need he will even give you the instructions of what you need to do to get free so that is that those are my tips so I gave you three tips you can do to support yourself while you're on your menstrual cycle and then I gave you three tips on what you can do to help reverse this problem now is this everything no but these are these are some things that you can do to help to support yourself um what was I going to say so if you haven't already please put your questions in the chat I'm going to be answering them in answering them in just a minute but first I want to invite you to join me for my anemia workshop anemia workshop sorry about that it's going to be held on March 22nd 2023 at 7 p.m eastern 20 eastern standard time I can't talk it's good the anemia workshop is going to be held on March 22nd at 7 p.m eastern standard time you can still participate and you can participate even if you cannot be live so if you purchase the work workshop you can join live which is what I highly recommend because then you can ask me your questions live that kind of thing but if you can't be there live because maybe you're in another part of the world or something like that you can always join you can always still purchase the anemia workshop and get all the information that is included in it you will learn how to strategize and create a healing regimen that will fit into your lifestyle to help you reverse iron deficiency anemia when nothing else you have tried has worked you'll learn what causes anemia and iron deficiency we will work on the emotional and spiritual roots we'll talk about the emotional and spiritual roots of iron deficiency anemia we'll talk about the foods to avoid what foods to eat you'll get exactly which herbs to take to help you reverse this problem it is a paid workshop it's only 97 dollars if you have been wanting to work with me this is your chance to to do it in a group setting you will learn an insane amount of information when you join this group you'll get you'll walk away with a doable strategy to help you reverse iron deficiency anemia so i hope that i see you there on the 22nd i have plenty of spaces available as i just rolled out i just really rolled it out today so anyway let's see what are your questions let's see chelsea d i'm surprised i don't see more questions in this all right okay chelsea d hey there chelsea the distiller you use is currently not available do you know another brand that is equally good um did you look at the different um colors because i think whenever go to mega go go go um to mega home um water distillers go to their website um and see what the situation is there but um i would check the different colors on amazon because they have a black one a stainless steel black one a white one a stainless steel white one no stainless steel white one as i have so sometimes like you have to check through the colors to get the right um get one that isn't that is available it is popular right now because of everything that's going on with the world you know we had that situation in our country the united states with in ohio we had a situation in in charlotte the other day so they're popular right now because they clean everything out of the water so thank you for that question miss um is it asia hi asia i'm sorry if i missed your name blessings to you um let's see olu wakame you're welcome so much miss carolin bless you miss carolin hi chelsea miss the tips for endo can you repeat please um all the tips that i gave today go for fibroids pc os ovarian cysts and endometriosis any type of reproductive issue the root cause of of fibroids is the same for pc os ovarian cysts endometriosis as far as a physical perspective so the tips that you hear me give for fibroids they will work for cysts and endometriosis and ovarian um cancers all that stuff is the same so toxicity and deficiency all disease starts with toxicity and deficiency so whenever you start doing things that remove toxicity and deficiency that's when you're going to see the change happen in your body hallelujah thank you for praying for me and the women on your channel i have stopped taking the oarian for fibroids for two years i had my first normal period last month yay congratulations tressa thank you so much for sharing that i'm so happy for you thank you for sharing please is is plantain okay to eat so plantains are starchy fibroids um and other reproductive issues thrive on starch so if you're gonna eat plantains only eat them in small quantities like small quantities like and don't be frying them don't be putting oil on them don't you know eat them as you know little as possible but if you're struggling and you're like bleeding your guts out and all that stuff i just say just stay away from them until you start feeling better it's too much it's too starchy any starchy food that you're eating just kind of cut that out yeah until you get well it's not forever but until you get well let yourself get well that's that's one of the things that people don't allow themselves to do they go back and forth back and forth they'll eat okay for a while and then they'll go back and they'll eat okay and you know just this cycle of going back and forth and then what happens is they're like i you know this is taking too long for me to get well and whenever i really evaluate what they've actually been doing with their healing journey um then i see it and i'm like you haven't really been on a healing journey you've been yo-yo in the whole time now i also understand yo-yo and because food the food that we eat is addictive and sometimes we need to give ourselves a minute to get off of it you know it takes time we have to be gentle with ourselves sometimes so but don't get frustrated if you don't get well in the time that you want to get well if you haven't been committed to the process thank you for that question you're welcome Chelsea let's see i have tried to download the foods to avoid lists and it was saying couldn't find page okay i'm gonna give you the page wonder why it's saying that did you go to the link down in my description box of this video let me see i'll put it in a chat foods to avoid list that should help you and if that doesn't help if i'm putting this list up here if that list doesn't help just shoot me an email info at whatchelsie eats dot com and just say i need the foods to avoid list it would not let me post it for whatever reason i don't know why let me try one more time if this doesn't work you can send me the eer there it is it looks like it came through okay so if if that link that that i just posted doesn't work just shoot me that email info at whatchelsie eats dot com and just say you need the foods to avoid list and i'll send you a good link so you can get it all right what about banana bananas are fine i would say eat them ripe don't eat unripe bananas um unripe bananas are not good i just thought of that unripe bananas are not good because they're too starchy but if you let them get ripe and sugary and sweet with spots on them then they're perfect blessings upon you always chelsea would whole foods carry the distilled water it depends on where you live um you should be able to get distilled water from whole foods another thing you can do i just thought of this because before i had a water distiller i used to buy my water from whole foods and they had reverse osmosis water reverse osmosis strips the water too so that that's helpful too so if you can't get distilled water reverse osmosis is second best okay reverse osmosis you typically can buy that water anywhere that they have those machines where you can collect your water um like you just take your glass bottle or your bpa free bottle and you put it under the spout and let it fill up i used to do my gallon gallon glass bottles um but you can buy five gallon glass you can buy five gallon bpa free plastic bottles you know those um water cooler um water bottle things another company that does distilled water is le blu i forgot about that too le blu water company le blu and if you can't find the blue water in your grocery store you can actually have that water delivered to your house here in the united states i'm not sure about anywhere else another water that is steamed distilled is smart water i'm not a fan of smart water but it is steamed steamed distilled so there are some tips all right what are alternatives for white rice that you would recommend so i'm assuming you're just wanting some starchy texture food and nine times out of ten you probably need to eliminate that kind of food altogether um until you get well but i the only um thing that is anywhere near close to to rice white rice would be quinoa and you need to cook it the right way in order for it to taste right and i have a video on my youtube channel that you can search in the videos it's how to make quinoa perfect every time or something like that and you can do wild rice wild rice not black rice wild rice not black rice i'm gonna say that one more time not black rice wild rice and you can do it you can bloom it and eat it wrong which is the best way to do it so blooming it means to soak it and let it sprout and there are lots of videos on youtube on how to do that or you can cook it it takes about 45 minutes to cook it neither one of them are going to give you texture of white rice but it's better to eat those than it is to um eat um white rice also faunio faunio is the other one the other grains i would not mess with faunio wild wild rice not black rice and quinoa okay let's see good day chelsea with whole foods carried is still the distilled water they i think i answered this question they should um they should carry it but they might not you just have to check um publics typically has a distilled water whole foods typically does kroger typically does there's another one what was it i just said sprouts sprouts sprouts farmers market hi nicole from brooklyn new york i am actually going to be in new york this summer i have so many people that have been clients and that have ordered my herbs from from new york mainly like brooklyn new jersey up in that area and i'm gonna be there in august and i was thinking of having a meetup would any of you be interested in that if you would please let me know you can even shoot me an email um at info at what chelsea eat and just say yes to meet up and then i'll see if i can plan it um because i'm definitely gonna be there the first week of first or second weekend of august anyway okay it's now says too many requests for subscription for the page are you kidding me i will email you wow okay so must people interesting okay please email me and i will um i'll send you the right link i'm sorry about that okay um you're welcome olu is turmeric noodles and quinoa noodles safe when dealing with fibres i would not eat anything that is noodles i would i don't care if it came from a safe um a safe alternative like quinoa or wild rice or beans or anything like that when you start changing it into pasta that's when it changes its structure and it becomes starchy and when you eat it your body looks at it as starchy so you get just if i were you i would do the best that i could to um weigh myself off of having to have something starchy because that is a mental thing it's not you it's not that you need it for vitamins and nutrients because you don't you the reason you want starchy feeling is because you want the heaviness in your body and you want to feel satisfied and that's what you're used to but when you change that when you stop eating that your body will get used to not having to feel that so i would not eat any noodles noodles all that stuff no is cassava flour okay yes no flour don't eat any flour i don't think like quinoa flour no flour while you're struggling with fibres um when you change it when you start shifting how it is in its natural state like creating flour out of it that's when it starts to change in your body and also i wouldn't eat cassava either cassava is a starchy vegetable that i would not eat okay you're welcome miss florie please give us a list of things not to use on our bodies for example chemicals in hair okay so that's a really good question i i cannot do that right now um that's a whole another video and it's also something that i teach in my coaching programs in in more detail so if you haven't joined me on one of my coaching programs like the 90 day walk to fibroid freedom or like any of my courses or something like that please consider doing that in the future and you can learn the um the details of that and i do have some things coming up in the future and i've told you all that i'm not doing another 90 day walk to fibroid freedom group coaching program this year but i'll have something coming up that you can participate in so that you can learn these things in in greater detail so just hang tight with me another couple months what are your thoughts on ezekiel bread and vegetarian cheese so ezekiel bread is healthy for people who are who are not struggling with fibroids like if you have a reproductive issue and you're bleeding you can go ahead and you you you if you're struggling with those things you just nicks those things off of your diet so is vegetarian cheese if you look at the ingredients it's a bunch of processed foods and processed foods is one of the things that is on the foods to avoid list so we don't want to eat that stuff what we want to replace our food with is whole food whole food mostly in its raw state you don't have to be 100 percent raw vegan or raw person raw food eater but you want to eat the most of your diet in a raw in its raw state and unprocessed state and bread is processed and ezekiel bread has wheat in it and wheat is one of the things on the foods to avoid list for those who are struggling with fibroids and vegetarian cheese is processed just came in on the water combo is distilled water the water in the gallon containers so distilled water is in gallon containers have eronica so but i don't like those traditional water containers that the distilled water is um held in and the reason is is because of the plastic usually those are the plastic bottles that have bpa in them so if you're going to buy it in the gallon container try to find something that has um a um bpa free bottle or you can do reverse osmosis which strips the water of all the junk in it so that it can enter your cells a little bit better easier so you're hydrated instead of it just being watered it goes through your system and just kind of expels you know kind of how that feeling is you just drink the water and it just feels like it's sitting there and you don't even really feel like it is hydrating your cells so um distilled water is my my first choice and then reverse osmosis is my um second choice um but i hope i i think i answered your question but yes you can buy it in the gallons in the store and also the blue water company delivers water here in the united states for onica um so and their water is deemed distilled as well so i hope that that helps all right good afternoon guys jamaica in the house for the first time welcome kisha rose nice to see you here um is crystal geyser good water to drink with the lime and lemon so crystal geyser i like that water that type of water it's it's pretty good water but honestly i don't remember whether or not it is either spring water or if it's if it's um distilled water i want to say it's spring water so i can't really answer that question i apologize but it's not a bad water it's a higher quality water than some of the ones that are on the in the shelf let's see what should i eat or drink during the menstrual cycle for pain so it's probably a good idea if you go back and um um go back to the beginning of the video and and watch everything that i that i've said about that because one of the things that i've made a comment on is your menstrual cycle today is a result of everything you did the last three months that's what your menstrual cycle is today so there's nothing you can do things to support your menstrual cycle help you get through your menstrual cycle and that's what i suggested in in the first three tips and some of those things will help some of those things that i suggest you do will help with the pain it'll stop your wound from working so hard and help you to um get through your menstrual cycle but it's not going to stop the problem the stopping the problem or the next three tips that i gave you that you can start employing so that your next menstrual cycles are um better now if you're having a painful menstrual cycle and you need help um and you need to take something don't be like oh i can't take anything you just take it you're gonna take whatever you need to take so you can get rid of the pain but you need to do what you need to do so you can stop contributing to the pain if that makes sense but if it doesn't go back and listen to what i've said already in the early part of the video and it'll make sense to you so thanks for that question let's see chelsea do you do one-on-one consultations i do you can go to my website whatchelseaeats.com there's a section that says how to work with me and then you can click on one-on-one coaching and it might be even a link down in the description box of this video okay yes i answered like a thought there was an issue with plastic so there is an issue with plastic but some companies carry a bpa-free um bottle and even though it's not ideal it's better it's almost impossible for some of us to get around it unless you make specific decisions that you're not going to buy plastic i bought a distiller um but before i bought the distiller i used a reverse osmosis water so um and i still use reverse osmosis water but the water that i drink is distilled because i feel like it goes into my body better but the reverse osmosis at least gives me clean water all the way around and the distilled water helps that water from my body to assimilate it better use it better so i hope that's helpful all right ladies so thank you so much for joining me um the next time i will be live is on monday at noon eastern standard time and then after that i'll be coming with prayer on wednesday at noon eastern standard time and um yeah i want to answer this last question should we eat according to our blood type for a better health i don't think that that no i you see you have to do what you feel is going to be the best thing for you so you do your research and if it if it if it helps you and you feel like it's going to be a benefit to you then you do it but i don't believe in the blood type diet i believe in eating food as close to the way god made it as possible and um if there are if you have an issue where certain foods irritate that issue then you were referring from eating those foods until your body feels better and then you can start adding those things back as you feel feel led to do it so that's that's my thought on it i just never had yeah i've read those books before and studied that information before and no i'm not i don't i personally don't think that it's a the best option but anyway i don't know everything you know yourself so yeah all right so ladies thank you so much for joining me today i speak life and blessings and healing over you and i will see you all on monday lots of love take care