good job getting up here I guess you learned about grays because of the vlog yeah I love it I work out feeling good oh man I'm gonna miss it it's been a good season up here and you know time to freshen up for the US mountain championships we'll take it we will take it see the studio we're back from the mountains all right everyone solid day up on graze peak and yes we're gonna replace the Nike vapor fly 4% flying it's from yesterday's threshold put up the salming trail 5's and talk about two different types of shoes brand recognition salming versus Nike kind of it makes it makes me a smile when we can run in different companies different styles of shoes here on this YouTube channel and again a shout out to Noah and Todd for saying hello today up on the mountain okay here we go today's run 20 miles and I did not have time to sit down outside the studio and convert the miles to kilometers along with a feet to meters so there it is on your screen the reason I don't have time is because I'm catching a flight in the morning which means I need to pack because we're heading off to New Hampshire and today's topic focuses on why I'm gonna keep this a little more simple on the editing side of the vlog and simple on as far as how much I talk to you here in the studio so that I can not go foam roll not go aqua jog in the pool not go drink a recovery mix even though I did do that today but yes so that I can go to sleep that's right that is the number one recovery tool that we have as runners it's sleep more sleep higher quality sleep and so we're gonna dive into this topic today and this is just scratching the surface I think this will be I bet we make two or three more vlogs in the next year that focus just on this topic for runners long distance runners especially who are striving to chase down personal records chase down faster maybe actually chase down Boston qualifiers which I heard that the the new qualifying times were just released this past week and I it sounds like based on the buzz that it's gotten a little faster so that is the topic for today's vlog sleep sleep sleep and yes this is a huge topic I'm not an expert I've never studied sleep I I believe there are people out there who study sleep life full-time that's our job actually counsel people to help them sleep better if they're struggling if they have sleep deprivation in their life so I'm not an expert but I will do my best to share my experience with you and here we go let's dive in basically you know the rule of thumb at least seven hours of sleep per night just for normal everyday people that are maybe not long distance runners seven hours every single night no matter what okay so that's seven hours now I've heard that for long distance runners let's say that's training above like 25 to 30 miles per week that you should get a strive for at least eight hours a night which I know is difficult so for me when I was in college so in high school I never trained more than I think I topped out at the most 40 miles per week at the most and then when I had this bright idea to walk on to the University of Colorado cross country and track team which I accomplished then my volume started to increase and I started to learn about what it takes to train excuse me at a high level therefore I found as a sophomore on the cross-country team when I started talking about 80 to 90 miles per week for my volume of training that is when I needed no matter what eight hours it really eight to nine hours of sleep every single night 90 miles per week 9 to 10 hours per night and then 100 plus miles per week for my volume I would need to sleep 10 hours plus for per night and that's just how it went down for me at CU and now I'm gonna do it now I'm gonna do it now because this is oh this is tough everyone this is tough this is us being vulnerable with each other question of the day do you get enough sleep for the level of training that you are currently at I am I do not I do not no way no way no way no way I'm being very frank with you I should be sleeping I would say at least nine hours a night at a hundred miles that's where I'm at about right now is a hundred miles per week so I do not hit my own rule of thumb for that nine at least ten I probably sleep seven hours a night right now and I think as a parent you kind of get used to a little bit of sleep deprivation so I think I've got that going for me as far as just kind of being used to feeling a little tired a little off at times but I wish it wasn't like that so that's a question of the day be honest with us down in the comments do you get enough sleep to match your current level of training so when you are not when you are sleep deprived and you're not sleeping as much your body struggles metabolizing glucose when you're sleeping and glucose is what our bodies need for energy and so if your body is not metabolizing glucose at night you're going to have decreased energy levels which of course impacts our impacts our training in fact today I felt a little tired up there now I had a hard workout but up in the mountain I felt a little tired and I feel like I slept pretty well last night but maybe not as much as I should have it was probably a six and a half to seven hour night last night and sure enough like I felt I felt a little today up on the mountain and the other benefit for sleeping well sleeping at the right amount of volume right amount of hours and making sure we're getting our rent cycles in and that ideally our sleep is not interrupted which I get it like things happen in life like sometimes our sleep is interrupted whether you're too hot or screaming kids or alarms going off in your apartment building who knows what the case may be but when we do sleep well our hormones are better balanced and at when we're sleeping testosterone and IGF one is released into our bodies and that helps as many of you know especially testosterone helps us rebuild our muscles so after a long run after a threshold run like yesterday and then also after like inner hard interval days or maybe a day in the gym if we can sleep more and at higher quality levels our muscles are going to be rebuilding while we're sleeping and now I do have a quick observation to make before we wrap this up is that when I watch the Kenyans and Ethiopians train and when I say watch I mean like through documentaries a lot of times and actually no Ryan Hall talks about this as well the merit the former marathon runner here in the United States he's retired now they talk about naps and now they're professional runners but I just wonder like for me personally and maybe this is like an addendum to the question of the day but for me personally if I take a nap I don't sleep that night like it's really really bad so I purposefully do not nap during the day and frankly who has time to nap these days right as I if you have time to nap like that's amazing but I do not have time to nap so I'm just curious to hear your thoughts as well on napping and like I watch I watch these professional runners like that's their full-time job and most of them are napping like from like for one and a half to two hours in the afternoon and then a lot of times they'll do a second training session in the evening so it's just an observation that and obviously like a lot of these professional runners like you know the Ethiopians Kenyans like they're crushing it they're just crushing the crushing the races out there so actually in Berlin when this publishes Berlin is 48 hours from now so it's gonna be fascinating to watch to see what goes down in Berlin at the Berlin marathon and so of course the keyword is sleep and the question of the day I already asked let's let's hear it down below full transparency and yes of course I'm just as guilty of staying up sometimes and using this too much before I fall asleep the smartphone I've heard there's a little bit of an epidemic out there especially amongst let's say Generation Z Millennials I don't know like what like as younger folks and probably frankly everyone at this point where we gotta train ourselves to set the phone down I've heard an hour before you try to fall asleep I don't do that I'm just being fully try like I don't do that but again keeping in mind us runners as we try and chase down PRs there's a lot of research out there that the more sleep we get the better we perform we will perform in our workouts which means the better we will perform on race day all right speaking of that we're gonna cut it there because I got to go in and pack and yes edit this blog and yes go to sleep all right I love you guys thank you for being there thanks for watching and I will see you in New Hampshire for the US Mountain Championships which starts Sunday morning Sunday morning so all right there you go here's a couple old blogs on the right and the left I'm just gonna grab some well I'll try and find a couple that hit on this topic as well that are relevant to today's discussion all right see beauty work hard and love each other see you tomorrow


Now this is going against all the popular teaching. People have been telling you, first you must love yourself before you love anybody. Whatever your emotional process is, it's just local gossip. Enjoy it if it's nice, but don't believe it.  You are heading towards kids of ethnic condition. Sadhguru, I have tasted many times something of the beyond, but still I get stuck in many small petty issues. How do I overcome this and always maintain equilibrium? So you have tasted the beyond, but now petty things still entangle you. So if you have tasted it for a moment, just for one moment, there is something beyond what you think and feel. If that has become a real thing for you, even for a moment, then you must invest your life towards that. Yes, I'm trying to, but petty things carry me away. So you're little falling in love with yourself.  You're little in love with yourself is the wrong. Nothing wrong, it's just called madness because love is an effort, love is a longing to include something as a part of yourself. Love is a process, love is a possibility where you could become larger than who you are. You could become more than what you are by inclusion. Now, if you valor in your own self-love, now this is going against all the popular teaching. People have been telling you, first you must love yourself before you love anybody. If you cannot love yourself, how can you love anybody? If you say, I want to love myself, now you are heading towards schizophrenic condition. Now you're creating two in one. If you want to ensure that you never go insane, the first and foremost step that you need to take is you take away all divisions and you see this is an individual. An individual means he cannot be further divided. He's indivisible. You cannot divide him anymore. This is one entity. You can't make it into two. If you make it into two, I love myself. Now you're heading towards madness. First step has been taken. If life situations cooperate, you will get there quick. If life situations don't create that situation for you, you may manage within socially accepted levels of that madness. So, the reason why even if divine touches your tongue, even if the taste of the divine is there on your tongue, you can still get entangled is simply self-love. It is a sure step, first step towards madness. Whether you're going to get there to the asylum status or you will get only to the ashram status is subject to many things. But this happened to a man. He wanted to enroll himself in a college. So he saw a big building and walked in. There they had registration forms. He filled up everything. He signed and when he went to the official to give it to be enrolled in the college, the official said, but this is not a college, this is an asylum. Then the man said, but no, I wanted to join a college. But the official said, no, this is an asylum. Then the man thought, but I have already filled my registration form. So what difference I will join up? Not much difference. I will join the asylum. What's the big difference? The official agreed, yes, not much difference, but there is one difference. What is it? Here, unless you show improvement, we won't let you get out. So ashram is just a Sanskrit word. An English word would be too insulting.  That is definitely a sure sign of madness. If you had never tasted it, then this is all you know, that's okay because you don't know anything better. And the taste of the divine is still lingering and you're getting entangled with something so limited as your personality. That is definitely a sign of madness. There is no question about it. But in such a state of madness, you're doomed.  Really, it's very easy. But all this talk don't get depressed. Should I be an optimist or a pessimist on the spiritual path? An optimist, a pessimist and a realist were at the breakfast table. An optimist, there was a closed picture. I mean, a dish, a container and the optimist looked at it and said, please pass me the cream. A pessimist looked at him and said, please pass me the milk, a realist said, please pass me the picture. So, if you're an optimist, you will be misled.   Only one who is in contact with reality will grow. Others, optimists will hallucinate, pessimists will get depressed, both will not get anywhere. You have to be a realist. You're willing to see everything the way it is. No hype, no depression, you just wear it is. Most important, extremely important. So when I see you in a high, I put cold water on you. When you see you're low, I set fire to you.  I'm just trying to bring you down to reality.  If you go this way, you're going away. We need you in reality, only in reality you grow. Growth is possible, only in reality it's the existential which can transcend. The psychological, whatever it does, transcendence is also empty. Transcendence is also, transcendence is also false in the psychological. There is no such thing as transcendence in the psychological sphere of your life. Transcendence has to be existential because it is in the existential that your process of, essential process of life is rooted in.  They are just a small offshoot of life. It's not life. Right now, it may be keeping you fully engaged. Your thought and your emotion may be keeping you fully engaged right now. But it is just a small offshoot of life. It is not life. You can think what you want.  In fact, you're more life when there is no psychological activity. If you have known a few moments of what you call as beyond, those were few moments where you were free from the psychological. Those few moments of freedom from the psychological, you are more present than ever. Years of living, a few moments where you are free from the psychological process were the most significant moments of presence in your life. So, that little taste that you have known, you must invest your life in that direction, not what your thoughts say, not what your emotions say. Your emotions and thoughts can say whatever they want. They will say one thing today, tomorrow morning they'll change their opinion. They're just like the local gossip. It keeps shifting. It keeps shifting what people are talking about today and what they're talking about tomorrow. Similarly in your mind, whatever your thought process is, whatever your emotional process is, is just local gossip, very localized to you. Enjoy it if it's nice. But don't believe it. If you like the gossip, you enjoy it. Gossip is for entertainment. You don't start your spiritual process and gossip. You don't start anything that really matters and gossip. If the taste of the divine has come to you, then you will see entertainment doesn't mean anything. Suddenly entertainment doesn't mean anything at all to you because all entertainment looks too stale and ridiculous for one who has tasted a real thing.


scene of different kinds of scenario that can create the phase difference distance than the other wave this is scenario number one, right now when they start there is no phase difference there is no phase difference one wave travels extra so these two waves when this point reaches here this is 2 and this is also, let's say this is 2 dash between two point of same, these are the two of which travel more distance suppose it is a destructive difference in lambda fine, constructive interference so you see the difference of two waves and if delta x is equal to 2 and plus 1 by 2 lambda is here this is 1 dash, they travel and meeting this is 2, there is 2 dash but the lower let us say this is t distance even if lambda difference is destructive difference getting it? distance suppose this would be 1 minus m2 minus 1


lying on my bed at night great by apprehension and anxiety not to say terror I contemplate the eternal question is my mini my long-suffering mini a psychopathic borderline or just a classic borderline and if anyone has any doubt mini is black but after the umber-herd trial borderline is the new black borderline is the new black print it out on your t-shirts meme it and spread it on all the social networks and social media because that's what the world is coming to a division between narcissists and borderline and let the war begin the depth her trial was only the opening shot in a cataclysmic collision between these two types of pathologies now jokes aside my name is Sam Vaknin actually still in the joking part my name is Sam Vaknin and the author of Malignan self-love narcissism revisited and silver fox professor of psychology yes you've heard it here the first time today we are going to discuss covert borderlines as opposed to psychopathic or anti-social borderlines now as usual there are two or three videos I think two videos which I have dedicated to the topic of or to the new diagnosis which I'm proposing and diagnosis of covert borderline one of these videos clarifies the distinction between covert borderline and classic borderline the regular diagnosis that is fine found in the diagnostic and statistical manual but this video is going in this lecture I'm going to focus on other differences and distinctions at your request actually I'm responding to numerous queries that I have received from you I've received more queries than views if that's at all possible okay shoshaneem onwards Jewish soldiers to borderline land now you talk to any borderline and you talk to anyone who has the misfortune of being with a borderline or the fortune of being with a borderline depending on one's predilections and they will tell you that borderlines switch they suddenly change on a dime they disappear as one personality and they reappear a microsecond later as another personality and the two personalities have very little in common they are mutually exclusive almost and this is what I call self-states now I've developed a whole theory of self-states and in my theory everyone has self-states healthy people also have self-states self-states is an organizational principle which I propose should replace the antiquated concept of self or unitary self but borderlines have very pronounced self-states which appear to have nothing in common actually many borderlines go to the point of naming the self-states giving them names and and identifying each self-state almost as a separate person with features and attributes and traits and behaviors and proclivities and tendencies and interests and beliefs and emotions and cognitions you talk to any borderline and she will be able to identify several such self-states and as I said many of them have names separate names borderlines claim that they switch from one self-state to another many borderlines will will say that they go on autopilot they are suddenly no longer there a process known as depersonalization depersonalization is of course a form of dissociation together with the ensuing amnesia for getting what had happened so many borderlines would tell you for example when they cheat or when they have casual sex a promiscuous incident they would tell you that they went on autopilot and then they forgot most of what had happened this is actually a form of switching from one self-state to another now the self-states in borderline don't share all the memories they don't share everything so there is what we call permeable dissociative walls or partitions between the self-states and consequently the borderline has something known as identity disturbance she doesn't have a coherent unitary identity but she has multiple states of fragments of identity which she has great difficulties to put together and if this is reminiscent of multiple personality disorder dissociative identity disorder it's because it is actually giants like Otto Kahnberg had suggested that borderline is on the verge of psychosis another typical claim by a borderline it wasn't me or it wasn't like me or i don't recognize myself or i can't place myself in the same state of mind as when i had done it i don't understand myself i don't know why i've done it etc etc these are very common claims among borderlines these are all strong indications that borderlines are fragmented and fractured when it comes to core identity and that instead of self should it exist at all what they do have is an is an assemblage of pseudo identity sub personalities which come to the fore according or in reaction to environmental cues and stimuli on the self-states of the borderline are not the same as millen's types of borderline millen and others by the way had suggested a typology of borderlines a taxonomy of borderlines this borderline with this way and a borderline with that way and a borderline with emphasis on this kind of behavior and a borderline with emphasis on another kind of conduct this is not what i'm talking about i'm not talking about a phenomenology of borderline i'm talking about types of borderline which are structural structural types i'm talking about differences which could almost lead to separate diagnosis so let's start with the classic dissociative borderline the majority of borderlines actually classic dissociative dissociative borderline is emotionally dysregulated it has separation in security also known colloquially as abandonment anxiety it has engulfment anxiety it tends to develop a relationship obsessive compulsive disorder philophobia fear of intimacy and love low self-monitoring typical borderline is not aware of her behavior and impaired transparency estimation inability to realize or to grasp how her behavior her words her choices decisions affect other people around her especially how her emotions or dysregulated emotions affect other people around so she doesn't monitor herself well and she cannot monitor other people well she is possessed however of empathy it's just the exercise of empathy is impeded or impaired by a variety of dysfunctions so this is a classic dissociative borderline then there is the pop purported or suggested shy or quiet borderline allegedly this borderline internalizes her struggles rather than externalize them she becomes the exclusive target of her own turmoil she doesn't act out she acts in now i am dead set against this suggested distinction or diagnosis because all borderlines go through phases of being shy or quiet or acting in or internalizing aggression that's why all borderlines are depressed or they have depression or mood disorders or not all but most because they are internalizing their aggression in various phases so all borderlines go through shy quiet phases and then through classic dissociative phases i'm willing to accept that borderlines have a shy or quiet phase but i'm not willing to accept that there is a borderline who is only shy and quiet that is rank nonsense and flies in the face of everything we know borderlines are intermittently aggressive externalizing and shy and quiet they oscillate they vacillate between these two conditions so i put this aside classic dissociative is the first structural type of borderline the next one is the psychopathic borderline the dark personality borderline it's a borderline that tends to be violent and aggressive more than usual i'm going to dwell on this borderline a bit later in this video i'm going to describe the most recent literature and research so psychopathic borderline then there is the antisocial borderline now robert here it made a distinction between factor one psychopathy and factor two psychopathy factor two psychopathy has to do with behaviors and factor two psychopathy presumably also has empathy and a modicum of emotion modicum of empathy and some emotions including positive emotions the borderline is a secondary psychopath she's a factor two psychopath and factor two psychopath is very very close to the antisocial personality disorder definition and diagnostic criteria in the dsm the antisocial personality disorder in the dsm is not factor one psychopathy which is why robert here had been fighting for decades to include factor one psychopathy as a separate diagnosis antisocial personality disorder is what robert here calls secondary or factor two psychopathy and borderlines are factor two psychopaths in one of their self states one of the self states or pseudo identities or sub personalities of a borderline is invariably a psychopath in the psychopathic borderline this self state is a primary psychopath in the classic borderline this self state is a secondary psychopath now the antisocial secondary psychopath borderline is socio sexually unrestricted she has low sexual disgust so she is very open to sleep with total strangers she engages in behaviors like compulsive sexting transactional sex and she's generally speaking promiscuous while the distinguishing or differential feature of the psychopathic borderline is aggression and violence the distinguishing or the differential feature of the antisocial borderline is unboundary dysregulated sexuality a form of non-autonomous in effect promiscuity i refer you now to my video titled borderline woman as dissociative secondary psychopath where you can learn a lot more of everything about everything i've just said generally to find videos on my channel go to the right head of the screen there's a magnifying glass symbol very unhelpfully click on the magnifying glass a search field opens type what you're looking for type psychopath secondary psychopath borderline type the word the keyword you're looking for and youtube will provide you with a list of all the videos on my channel that correspond to the keyword this process is called searching you should engage in it from time to time okay this is the psychopathic borderline the social borderline the classic borderline and i had suggested a few months ago a few years ago i had suggested a fourth structural category i called it the covert borderline covert borderline is actually a narcissistic borderline now both the classic borderline and the covert borderline act out they lose their defenses because they are subjected to stress the classic borderline is subjected to humiliation or to rejection or to anticipate humiliation and rejection and abandonment and so she loses it her defenses crumble and she begins to act out she begins to do crazy reckless things violent things aggressive things self sabotaging other harming behaviors the same goes as far as the covert the same applies to the covert borderline covert borderline also acts out but it acts out in a very different way i had constructed a schematic uh based on the work of anold and cooper and actar salmon actar in 1989 1989 they came up with a table comparing covert narcissists and overt narcissists and i came up with a table comparing covert borderline and and overt borderline or classic dysregulated borderline and again i refer you to i refer you to my videos about covert borderline where i go through this table at length and explain each feature but right now what i want to do is a brief recap just very fast before we before we go to the second part of this video which will be a literature review the recent studies and what we can learn from these studies so let's start with the so now i'm talking about the covert borderline and defining for you the covert borderline let's start with self-concept and emotional regulation the covert borderline has a false self and his grandiose he is preoccupied with fantasies of outstanding love undue he has an undue sense of uniqueness feelings of entitlement and alloplastic defenses he accuses other people for his defeats and failures this is very similar to the narcissist that's why the covert borderline can also be called easily the narcissistic borderline the covert borderline however has an internal locus of control and seeming self-sufficiency he has modulability like the classic borderline he has emotional dysregulation and rationalization of reactance defiance and consumatiousness in this sense he has elements of the classic borderline the dysregulation and elements of the psychopathic borderline is defiant he's reactant he's reckless and he hates or rejects authority his consumatious the covert borderline has a low threshold for boredom low tolerance for boredom he can't tolerate boredom and when he's very very bored he does crazy things he is he tends to externalize his impulses his urges is for example his aggression and then internalize it so first he externalizes it he has no suicidal ideation unlike the borderline and his aggression is other directed as i said externalized there's no self-mutilation as distinct from the classic borderline there is however hypochondriasis and addictive behaviors the covert borderline exactly like the classic borderline has dissociative self-states mainly selective attention confabulation repression or denial and primary a primary psychopathic protector this is very similar to the classic borderline what about interpersonal relationships in interpersonal relationships the covert borderline is his paranoid ideation is very suspicious is very jealous is very possessive he tends to have numerous but shallow relationships because usually he has an insecure attachment style insecure avoidant attachment style he has an intense need for love from others though he needs love from others he craves intimacy and in this sense is a people pleaser but when he gets to the goal when he acquires an intimate partner he tends to walk away and he tends to develop jealousy and paranoia there is he has a lack of real empathy when the covert borderline isn't an narcissistic or primary psychopathic phase when he switches to this self-state he has no real empathy he has no empathy this is not true of the classic borderline it's the classic borderline when she switches to secondary psychopathy maintains her empathy and her emotions that's why afterwards after the secondary psychopathic phase or self-state she feels regret and shame what differentiates the psychopath from the borderline is the ability to experience remorse and shame and so this psychopathic borderline is very conflicted in this sense because she has a dominant factor one psychopathic self-state and a dominant borderline state one of them has no empathy one of them is has empathy one of them is no emotions one of them is too many emotions who are which are too intense and overpowering overwhelming dysregulating emotions and so the two entities the two self-states in the psychopathic borderline are incompatible they're constantly fighting we'll come to it a bit later covert borderlines value children over spouse in family life possibly because children constitute narcissistic sources of narcissistic supply but i'm not sure covert borderlines are unable to genuinely participate in group activities they're passive aggressive they're sullen the surly they're self-denying their behaviors are cunning and sometimes they have premeditated malevolence this in this sense they're very reminiscent of covert narcissists which is the reason i chose the epithet covert borderline covert borderlines engage in intermittent reinforcement hot and cold it's a form of bullying and conditioning hot and cold i love you i hate you i'm here i'm gone they have scorned for others often masked by pseudo humility false modesty again very similar to the covert narcissists the covert borderline as distinct from the covert narcissists but similar to the borderline to the classic borderline is histrionic is attention seeking usually by displaying dysregulated or for dysregulated fake dysregulated emotions imitating or simulating the emotional dysregulation because the covert borderline is not emotionally not fully emotionally dysregulated as the classic borderline but he can imitate the condition well for histrionic purposes for gunnery gunnery attention the covert borderline is reckless and his recklessness is aimed at hurting or affecting other people it's directed recklessness as distinct from the classic borderline whose recklessness is the outcome of disintegration dysregulation decompensation she just falls apart when she falls apart she becomes reckless and then she dissociates it she forgets about it and she doesn't feel that she's fully present in her leg reckless pursuits she is depersonalized the covert borderline is sadistic punitive and he engages in goal-oriented triangulations we are beginning to see that the covert borderline has many elements of psychopathy and many elements of narcissism so it's a pretty toxic mixture of all cluster b personality disorders the covert borderline in the future if the diagnostic and statistical manual decides to emulate the icd the international classification of diseases edition 11 if the dsm eliminates all personality disorders and replaces them with a single diagnosis covert borderline could be a candidate because it embodies and reifies and includes and contains elements from almost all personality disorders the covert borderline also suffers from object inconstancy he is unable to create an inner representation avatar an introject of a loved one or an intimate partner or a significant other or even an important role model he is unable to create an inner representation that is stable over time and also that is stable when the other person is absent and so he has no object constancy and consequently exactly like the narcissist the covert borderline idealizes devalues and then discards and then reverts hoovers or replaces uh narcissistic behavior what about social function social adaptation covert borderline exactly like the narcissist is socially charming is charismatic he is a hard worker and his consistent hard work is done mainly to seek admiration and attention we call this process pseudo sublimation he has intense ambition and he's often successful he has a preoccupation with appearances his ethics his standards and his ideals they are idiosyncratically and unevenly moral it's a form of caricature and modesty his activism and his apparent enthusiasm for social political affairs is affected and is goal oriented he seeks power or he seeks narcissistic supply it's it's it's virtual signaling rigid virtual signaling recent studies conducted in british columbia in canada in israel gabai and others recent studies show that victimhood movements tend to be taken over by psychopaths and narcissists and i think they mostly tend to be taken over by covert borderlines which in this diagnosis this new diagnosis i'm proposing includes strong elements of psychopathy and narcissism coupled with dysregulation other features of borderline the covert borderline has an inordinate ethnic and moral relativism he would usually be a kind of racist he has pretended contempt for money in real life uh while he actually adores money he's addicted to money but he would he would feign contempt it's i don't need money i hate money i don't you know he similarly he can feign or fake spirituality and he would very much want to attain a guru status he has an irreverence towards authority he disrespects authority he flaunts morays and rules and laws he is a law unto his own what about the love and sexual life of a covert borderline he's he has an island of stability very much like the narcissists but his island of stability tends to be in the vast majority of cases his marriage his family so covert borderlines are characterized by marital stability with the long suffering spours is he has called and greedy seductiveness and he has many extramarital affairs and promiscuity he has an uninhibited sexual life so it's a combination of being married which is a which is an appearance it's for the sake of appearance while actually he hollows out the union he hollows out the committed relationship and engages in behaviors which undermine intimacy and true love because he's incapable of either his cognitive style involves dichotomous thinking splitting exactly like the borderline he is impressively impressively knowledgeable he has an egocentric perception of reality fondness for shortcuts to acquisition of knowledge but he's decisive and opinionated he loves language he is frequently strikingly articulate okay that's a covert borderline so by now we have an enumerated the dissociative classic borderline the psychopathic borderline factor one psychopath borderline the factor two psychopath which is the anti-social factor two psychopath borderline which is the anti-social borderline and the covert borderline which is a portmanteur it's a basket the basket diagnosis which includes elements from borderline from narcissism and from psychopathy but as many of you have written to me covert borderline is much more widespread much more common than given credit i think actually covert borderline is as prevalent as classic borderline i also think these are all speculations these days there's a research agenda being set up but it's all speculation i also think that because of the narcissistic and psychopathic elements of the covert borderline it this diagnosis would tend to be more common among men than among women exactly as classic borderline until until about 10 years ago was more common or more commonly diagnosed among women now we know that borderline personality disorder is equally represented among men and among women so we got rid of the gender culture bound gender bias what about the recent literature let's start with an article from december 2020 in the frontiers of psychiatry article was titled executive dysfunction associated with the primary psychopathic features of borderline personality disorder so we are taught this article discusses a co-orbidity when psychopathy and borderline personality disorder diagnosed in the same person i remember what i said much earlier when we were all we were all much younger i said that psychopathy and borderline are mutually exclusive as far as empathy as far as emotions as far as this regulation they seem to be basically mutually exclusive and this would tend to create an enormous dissonance or even outright conflict civil war between the two self states each of them vying for dominance and of course when there is such a civil war this creates a lot of aggression some of this aggression is consumed in the inner conflict but most of it is externalized so here is what the article says it was authored by so the results were borderline personality patients showed significantly higher scores on both primary factor one and secondary factor two global rates of psychopathy than control the results for these patients also showed a statistically significant association between high scores in primary psychopathy and deficits in executive functions however no associations were found between the scores of secondary psychopathy and executive dysfunction conclusion primary psychopathic features presenting patients with borderline personality disorders and so what they're saying actually that this comorbidity exists actually it's pretty common so primary psychopathic features presenting patients with borderline personality disorder and they are associated with patterns of executive dysfunction it would therefore be interesting to investigate the role of cognitive rehabilitation in the empathy dysfunctions within this disorder disorders of course this is exactly what i'm saying the impairment in executive dysfunctions is owing to the internal conflict between two these mutually exclusive and incompatible self states let's proceed apa psych articles borderline personality disorder is a female phenotypic expression of psychopathy question mark it was authored by sprague javdani sade and others and i quote i refer to this article extensively in in my work and sprague had written a similar earlier article in in uh this article is from 2012 sprague has written another article in 2013 i'm sorry later article in 2013 and the this article says evidence suggests that the combination of the interpersonal effective factor one and impulsive antisocial factor two features of psychopathy may be associated with borderline personality disorder specifically among women and she refers they refer to a series of studies by coin 1993 hicks by danathan and patrick in 2010 and so on however continues the article empirical research explicitly examining gendered relationships between borderline and psychopathy factors is lacking was lacking in 2012 is no longer lacking some major field of study to further and further inform this area of research we investigated the hypothesis that the interplay between the two psychopathy factors is associated with borderline among women across two studies so they conducted two two studies and let me scroll down they describe the studies and then they come to the results across two independent samples results indicated that the interaction of high factor one and factor two psychopathy scores was associated with borderline women i repeat this it's a critical sentence for all of you who keep writing to me that borderline and psychopathy are totally incompatible and that i'm completely wrong that includes self-styled experts online with academic degrees but with no relevant knowledge of cluster b personality disorders i'm repeating this sentence across two independent samples results indicated that the interaction of high factor one and factor two psychopathy scores was associated with borderline in women this association was found to be specific to women in study one these results suggest that borderline and psychopathy at least as they are measured by current instruments overlap in women and accordingly may reflect gender differentiated phenotypic expressions of similar dispositional vulnerabilities let's proceed to a bit more to a more recent article titled psychopathy and associated personality disorders searching for a particular effect of the borderline personality disorder was written by Niosch farm du gros debaupre debaupere etc the article says borderline personality was associated with both the total score of psychopathy and the score of factor two psychopathy recent clinical and empirical works are based on cleckley's clinical observations in which psychopathy is viewed as a personality disorder characterized by a lack of emotions callousness unreliability and superficiality here operation operationalize cleckley's concept of psychopathy by developing the psychopathy check checklist revise composed of 20 items that load on two factors in majority factor one personality aspects of psychopathy and factor two behavioral manifestations like impulsivity factor two is close to the antisocial personality disorder dsm4 criteria here's the clinching clinching argument the sentence the result of this study comorbidity is strong with antisocial personality disorder but also with histrionic narcissistic and borderline disorders it seems that there is a coalescence and a coalition of cluster b personality disorders which i think these diagnoses are diverging converging i'm sorry and about to become one at any rate the the next article i would like to discuss was published in the journal of forensic psychiatry and psychology volume 25 2014 issue six it's titled antisocial personality disorder comorbid with borderline pathology and psychopathy is associated with severe violence in a forensic sample i repeat antisocial personality disorder comorbid with borderline pathology and psychopathy is associated with severe violence in a forensic sample the author zahort halifa and dagon and the conclusion of the of the article personality disordered patients with high psychopathy co-occurring with borderline and antisocial personality disorder show a criminal profile characterized by a high degree of serious violence so yes borderlines are capable of violence exactly like psychopaths why because they are psychopaths they have a psychopathic self-state many of them have a factor one self-state which competes with the with the borderline self-state and others have a factor two self-state which comes out only during the acting out phase onwards to 2017 personality and individual differences it's an academic journal volume 107 and the the article is titled students sex and psychopathy what a combination student sex and psychopathy borderline and psychopathy personality traits are different differently related to women and men's use of sexual coercion partner poaching and promiscuity the authors han and broer and others say primary psychopathy traits correlate with sexual coercion made poaching and lack of relationship exclusivity reflecting instrumental use of other people to fulfill personal desires these sexual behaviors can also be explained by sexual thrill seeking or impulsivity or by striving for relationship intimacy through fear of abandonment given that impulsive thrill seeking and rejection avoidance are related to secondary psychopathy and borderline personality disorder respectively this study is the first to consider the independent effects of psychopathic traits versus borderline personality disorder traits on sexual behaviors in a non-clinical mixed university student sample on to the results the results broadly support our sexual behavior dissociation hypothesis unique relationships were identified between primary psychopathy traits and use of nonviolent sexual coercive tactics for women reduce relationship exclusivity terms and increased likelihood of made poaching this is for the psychopathy whereas borderline personality disorder traits showed an independent relationship with increased likelihood of sexual coercion for men and having lost a partner through poaching these opposite experiences of made poaching along with the unique association between psychologically manipulative sexual coercion and primary psychopathy are considered here in terms of their feet with clinical equivalence so this is a differential study so study that tells us the differences between pure psychopathy and pure borderline and then a combination of psychopathy and borderline and their differences from facto to psychopathy even when it occurs with borderline in the academic journal personality and individual differences volume 57 january 2014 there's an article about alexithemia and borderline and psychopathy very interesting article research explaining the overlap between psychopathy and alexithemia is in its infancy a study by lander lutz zois ryan goodnight in 2012 revealed a significant positive correlation between secondary but not primary psychopathy and alexithemia however little is known about what accounts for this differential dissociation a association because both alexithemia and secondary psychopathy have been linked to borderline personality disorder the current studies sought to determine if emotional processing deficits characteristic of borderline could explain the link between secondary psychopathy and alexithemia alexithemia is inability to properly express or identify emotions the results supported the hypothesis that borderline personality disorder would mediate the association between secondary psychopathy and alexithemia so borderline is the bridge to link between secondary psychopathy and alexithemia implying that borderline is effectively a form of secondary psychopathy or includes includes the borderline personality disorder includes a dominant strain of secondary psychopathy dominant clinical diagnostic strain indeed we are beginning to see a convergence of borderline and psychopathy and many scholars are suggesting that borderline personality disorder is a form of female psychopathy in effect exactly like histrionic personality disorder histrionic personality disorder is a dying diagnosis because it's clear that is a form of psychopathy same is happening to borderline now this leads to a very interesting conundrum most borderlines including the covert borderline are emotionally dysregulated psychopaths are actually also emotionally dysregulated but in a very different way the dysregulation expresses itself differently and the psychopath is not aware of his own emotions as distinct from the borderline so how can we unify how can we say that borderline is both emotional dysregulation disorder and psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder how can we put these incompatibles these apples and oranges together and call them fruits it's because we we have been mischaracterizing psychopathy for a very long time for example we have the many many self-styled experts and and alleged experts and wannabe experts claim that psychopaths are fearless it's expressly untrue psychopaths don't experience fear but they're actually very anxious people they have pronounced anxiety disorder psychopaths are definitely emotionally dysregulated anyone who has ever come across a psychopath would tell you this they lose it they go crazy their aggression turns on a dime they're unpredictable the emotion is regularly they act out so there's a lot in the many commonalities between borderlines and and psychopaths many more than anyone online admits because it's politically incorrect to say this it's politically incorrect because most borderlines are victims of abuse including sexual abuse in early childhood it's not nice to say bad things about victims we are in the age of victimhood everyone and his dog is a victim of someone but the truth is that borderlines are psychopaths primary or secondary not all the time most of the time that they have a lot in common including and that's why i came up with a new diagnosis the covert borderline which is explicitly and openly a diagnosis of psychopathic narcissistic borderline not mincing words not beating around the bush anymore onto personality disorders it's a leading academic journal made to 2022 very recent do my emotions show or not problems with transparency estimation in women with borderline personality disorders features my thanks go to liora who had referred me to this article it was authored by the non-pronounceable selene then mule mewster benedict louis i keep telling you people become psychologists because they're traumatized by their family mates i found the main etiology of psychologists formation anyhow here's the abstract transparency estimation that is estimating the extent to which one's mental states are observable to others requires the simultaneous representation of the self and of others perspective on the self individuals with borderline personalities order have difficulty integrating multiple perspectives when mentalizing which may be reflected in impaired transparency estimation and so they conducted a study and so on and so forth let me see the results it's a long list here so it says individuals with high individuals high in borderline personality disorder features show the larger discrepancy between estimated and objective transparency than individuals low in borderline features showing that they both over and underestimate their transparency indeed estimated transparency positively predicted objective transparency in individuals low in borderline features but not in individuals high in borderline features moreover the ability to estimate intra individual variability in one's own objective transparency was moderated by self-reported arousal in the participants high in borderline features impairments in transparency estimation were correlated with self-report measures of borderline features attachment and mentalizing in conclusion we found that borderline features relate to a reduced capacity to estimate the extent to which one's own emotional states are observable to others although replication in clinical samples of bpd patients is needed the present study provides evidence for problems in mentalizing the embodied self from another person's perspective in bpd indeed i fully agree borderline personality disorder people are unable to identify their emotions properly they mislabel emotions actually i have a video how borderlines mislabel their emotions again search the channel they also have very heightened empathy which impairs their ability to understand people properly yes high empathy high empathy diminishes your ability to understand and to read people properly not the other way and they have problems with self-monitoring as i mentioned before they don't see themselves from the outside properly and finally they have problems with transparency estimation put all these together the borderline exactly like the autistic person exactly like the narcissists and to a very large extent like the covert borderline is unable to read to decipher social cues including body language and interpersonal cues and sexual cues which would explain for example promiscuity this inability to read cues properly to decode them and to then proportionate proportionately react to them there's a dysregulation renders everything disproportionate and dramatic this inability is at the core of cluster b disorders that's why cluster b personality disorders are called dramatic or erratic i think the main problem is actually impaired ability to read cues environmental social sexual linguistic body language everything this and and this is a bridge which leads to ADHD autism spectrum disorders and so we may need a more unified approach cross-discipline connecting multiple mental health issues as they have so much in common to ignore these commonalities in favor of a categorical approach to diagnosis favored by the insurance industry is both counterfactual and academically corrupt not to mention unethical to the patients


Hi friends, welcome back to my channel and a very special welcome if you're new here. My name is Jen. I'm a certified weight loss and nutrition coach and today, today we're talking about changes. There are a lot and when I say a lot, I mean a lot of changes coming to my channel, coming to my weight loss and fitness journey and just coming into the foods that I'm choosing and really my life overall. And today, we're gonna talk all about it. We're also going to deep dive into my recent DEXA body scan. Now I had this body scan less than a month ago. A lot of you have been reaching out asking for updates. We are gonna talk all about it today and I'm gonna share with you my body scan result and how that has played a factor in all of these changes.  Make sure you're subscribed. Your bell notification is turned on because I upload five videos every single week. And today Sunday, we always do something a little bit different and today we're talking about changes. Down in the description box, I will link nutrition coaching where I offer personalized to you macros and calories. Highly, highly, highly recommend having your macros and calories done. This is how I have lost and maintained a 140 pound weight loss as well as one-on-one coaching for accountability to ask questions or talk with me directly. I'll also put my links to my favorite things and my Facebook group. Definitely come join us. That is how you can keep up with me a little bit more day to day. So let's dive in to the changes. Like I mentioned, there are a lot of changes coming into my life, coming into my weight loss journey, coming into my fitness journey and coming into the foods that I will be eating and how I'll be structuring my meals as well as what type of content you'll be seeing moving forward here on my channel. So I think it makes sense to first deep dive into my DEXA body scan because this is what prompted a lot of these changes.  It gives you specific numbers for all of the different parts of your body, your arms, your legs, your waist, your hips.  It even discusses the BMI. We'll get into that of course. And it's going to tell you what your bone density is and kind of where you rank overall compared to other individuals, your same gender, same age and same height. It is extremely, extremely accurate. When I had my DEXA body scan they gave me a printout that showed an image of my body and basically what my body fat percentage and my BMI. After those results of the scan were processed then I received an email with more detail. And just yesterday I had a conversation with one of the physicians that works with the company that I booked my DEXA body scan through. This is what he does all day is contact people and go over their results. I actually had a conversation with him yesterday. So that's kind of what I was waiting on before I shared this video because I wanted to get all of the details of my body scan so that I can share those with you especially if you're considering having a DEXA body scan in the future. So when I went to have the scan I actually went to a radiology place in Tucson. There was only one place that I was able to find a DEXA body scan in my area. The price of the scans ranges anywhere from about $50 to about $250. In my area it was $195. Some insurance covers it and some doesn't. It does scan for bone density so sometimes you can get your insurance to pay for it if that is a concern for you osteoporosis or your bone density in general. I paid for mine out of pocket. It took about 10 minutes.  They actually taped my feet together so that I couldn't move my feet and then I had to place my hands like this at my side and she was very adamant that I do not move. And then this machine kind of over the top of me passed over me seven times. It took about four to five minutes for the actual scan itself and like I said, about 10 minutes or so total. I received my results within a couple of days and again, like I said, she gave me a printout that day. When the results came, they were self-explanatory to a point but I wanted to know more detail. I wanted to know where am I? Where is my body at with body fat, with lean muscle, with tissue, with bone density and what improvements can I make to make those numbers better? And that is why I had the conversation with the physician yesterday and that was included in my $195 that I paid for the DEXA scan. Now, if you remember last November, I had a body scan. This is, I did this at a CrossFit gym. It's basically where you stand on a pedestal and it turns you around 360 and measures. It is not as accurate as this as a DEXA scan. And like I said, this is really, really accurate with one exception. So let's jump into my results. I'm going to go ahead and pop the actual report of my DEXA scan here on the screen for you.  Now this says that my body fat percent is 32.1 and you can see that I'm in the high end of my body fat. The typical body fat you would want to see is 28% or less. You can also see that I am in the 11th percentile of other women my age when it comes to body fat. Now, if you click on it, it's going to pull up another screen that's going to give you a little bit more information. So it talks about the science behind your number, that that body composition measurement is done with the DEXA machine.  Everybody has fat, even bodybuilders have fat. And kind of where your body stores fat. Is it stored in the gynoid or the Android? The Android is more your waist. The gynoid is more your hip. This also is the apple and pear shape that we typically refer to for body fat storage. And then it's going to show you where you compare overall to the population. So mine says your reference population is based on your age range, gender, ethnicity.  This means that close to 89% of women who are similar to you have a higher body fat percentage. And then it gives you a chart that shows you the comparison. And you can see that I'm in the low percentile for other women my age between the ages of 40 and 59 who are Caucasian and about five, eight. So this was really interesting to know that I was in that 11th percentile was really, really exciting. This means that I have less body fat than 89% of other women my age. My question on this result was, is the DEXA machine measuring my extra skin as fat? Remember the body scan that I had the one where I turned 360? It was measuring all the loose skin on my stomach. My thighs and my back is fat. It didn't know the difference. So I was curious, does the DEXA scan know the difference? So this is the question that I had for the physician on our call yesterday. He said that the DEXA scan is very, very accurate. However, it is likely that the DEXA scan doesn't differentiate between skin and fat. Especially for me, I have quite a bit of loose skin on my stomach still and I have a lot of loose skin on my thighs. So it's likely, very likely, that this DEXA scan was measuring that as fat which made my body fat percentage higher. So that is where it may not be 100% accurate is it doesn't, again, know the difference between loose skin and fat. It's kind of measuring the mass in that area. That is the contributing factor as to why you may see my body fat percentage a little bit higher but me being leaner and having less fat than 89% of women my age. And we're gonna talk about where I fall with my body fat percentage and how that plays a role a little bit later. The next thing that you're going to see is an image of my body. And this is what they refer to as the body fat distribution.  And then it's going to break down your body fat by region. So I weighed 187 pounds when I had my body scan and I was 67 inches. The woman who took my height was a little short. So she goes, you're probably closer to 58. I just can't reach that high. So we put it in as a little bit over 57. It shows you that my left arm has 4.3 pounds of fat and 5.3 pounds of lean muscle. And then my right arm, which is interesting, which makes sense because that's the arm I use mainly. I'm right-handed.  Now my waist, this was really exciting. My waist only has four pounds of fat and 10.3 pounds of lean muscle. And look at my hips. 10 pounds of fat and 18.9 pounds of lean muscle. And then my legs were a little bit different as well, which I found interesting. My left leg was 12.3 pounds of fat and 21.3 pounds of lean muscle. And my right leg was 11 pounds of fat and 19.4 pounds of lean muscle.  My total lean mass, basically lean muscle, lean tissue is 121.4 and my total bone mass is 5.4 pounds. Now, if you add all of that up, it equals about 187 pounds, which is my weight. Next up, you're going to see here on the screen, again, that mass breakdown, 59.7 pounds of fat, 121.4 pounds of lean muscle mass. And then it talks about the science behind that number.  So the dexa scan differentiates between bone and body fat, which is something different than the other body scan that I had. And then it says, why is lean mass important? Lean muscle is important because your muscles and internal organs have a higher metabolic rate than fat. In fact, muscle is 18% more dense than fat. So while one pound of muscle and one pound of fat weigh the same, muscle takes up less space. And I talk about this a lot. People are like, I can't believe you weigh what you weigh.  Fat is this big, muscle is this big. I'm going to actually pop in a picture here, my favorite picture that shows that a pound to pound, pound of muscle, pound of fat, but look how much smaller lean muscle is than fat. So it takes up less space so you look smaller even though the scale doesn't show that. That is why we don't give all the value to the scale. We don't give really much value to the scale at all. So next up, you're going to see visceral fat or what is known as that.    It's really the fat that is most concerning, the fat that leads to multiple health issues. So the Dexa scan actually measures that as well, which is amazing. So you can see here that my VAT mass is 0.82 pounds and it's 24.66 in volume.  And then it again shows your visceral fat. It shows you an image of visceral fat versus abdominal muscles.  Anything below 1.0 is really good for visceral fat and you can see that minus 0.82.  Amazing, amazing, amazing. And he was really, really proud of that number and said that he doesn't see that a lot in women my age. Next up, you're going to see BMI. And it was funny because when he got on the phone with me, the first thing he said is we are not even going to talk about BMI because we don't go with BMI. We don't know her, she's irrelevant. He even said that. First thing out of his mouth was I can't give you medical advice or fitness advice and we don't go by the BMI chart. And I love that because you guys know I always say we don't go by the BMI chart. It is outdated, it's archaic. And in order for you to be in a healthy weighted on the BMI chart, most likely you have virtually no lean muscle and it's not a healthy weight. You should definitely weigh more than the high end of the BMI chart. And you can see here that my BMI is 29.3 which puts me into the overweight category based on my height and my weight. You also have to remember that the BMI chart doesn't know the difference between muscle and fat. Like the scale, it measures mass. So you can see I'm in the overweight category. Shows how the BMI is calculated. Mine at 28 puts me overweight and then shows you a body mass index visualize. And it's interesting because you look at the picture of the overweight individual. I don't look anything like that. I don't look overweight, I'm absolutely not overweight. And the physician I spoke with specifically said I don't want you to lose any more weight. You are at a healthy, healthy weight and your BMI is healthy. And then I wanna show you one little part about the BMI chart and then we're not gonna talk about it anymore because we don't go by it. But this was interesting. Look at where it says limitations. The BMI formula does not take into account overall fat, lean muscle or bone mass. So some individuals who are muscular, muscle is 18% more dense than fat, can be healthy and classified as overweight using this formula. This ratio often misclassifies shorter people as being slimmer and taller people as being fatter than it's actually true. The BMI formula was created for white men. So it fails to take into account the differences in body type based on gender and ethnicity. You don't go by the BMI chart. Please do not try to have your go weight be the go weight of the BMI chart. I would need to lose between 20 and 25 pounds to be a healthy weight on the BMI chart, which is not a healthy weight for me. So find a go weight, find a weight that you feel healthy about and forget about the BMI chart.  So this is going to tell you how strong your bones are and what risk of bone related diseases such as osteoporosis you are likely to have in the future. So you can see that my bone density was 1.2, which is in the high end of normal. It's going to show you your bone mineral density and then your Z score. So the science behind the Z score, it's a standard score that tells you how far from the average population is. A Z score of zero means that your bone mineral density is average for your age. A negative Z score means that your bone density is lower than average and a positive Z score means that it's higher than average. You can see that mine was 0.8, which means that my bone density is higher than average. It says right here your bone mineral density is approximately in the 75% tile. This means that about 75% of women in your age and ethnic group have a lower bone density. Having a high bone density is important as it decreases your risk of fracture.  Be in my chart and wait aside. So after we went over all of my results, I asked him, is there anything that you would recommend that I need to work on or anything that I need to correct? And this is where his response really just makes my heart so happy and really just literally made my day. The minute we hung up, I ran out in the kitchen and told Troy what he said because it's very special to me. It's very important to me. It's very exciting for me because coming from over 300 pounds and having a body fat percentage pushing 50% and being severely overweight to where I am today and to have him say, there's nothing you need to do. Keep doing what you're doing. And then he said, I do these phone calls all day long. I talk to hundreds of people every month and I go over hundreds of people's results of their DEXA scan. And I have never in the history of doing this job seen someone your age with as much lean muscle and low fat that you have. Whatever you're doing, keep doing. You are doing incredible. That literally almost brings tears to my eyes because it's been a long road. I've been overweight most of my life. I've struggled with my weight most of my life. I never ever thought that I would take the weight off and that I would be able to get to the fitness level that I'm at where a physician who does this for a living says, you are exceptional.  It is incredibly high for someone your age. And he said that he can tell that all the hard work I've put in has paid off. And that scale aside, every other non-scale victory aside is the most important thing to me. It is the thing that brings me the most joy. This is what I've worked for. This is what I've worked for for the last year and a half. This is what I fight for every single day when I make the food choices that I make. When I get up at four a.m. to go to boot camp. When I'm in the gym the other two or three days a week, this is the results that I've been working for. And for him to honor that and say those things. And he was just so proud of me that that is the most important and the most special non-scale victory so far. And I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing.  I'm just so proud of myself and this DEXA scan and these results just validates everything I've done. And it validates the choice to track macros and calories. The choice to eat more to lose weight. The choice to focus on calories and protein and moving my body, it's all paid off. And yesterday was one of the happiest days of my life on my weight loss and health journey. So having this DEXA body scan and the results of this DEXA body scan prompted another big change in my life.  When I signed up for surgery I stopped working with my fitness coach. And I haven't had a fitness coach since. But I'm on a stage now where I have a regular workout routine. I work out five to six days per week. I'm at boot camp three days a week. I'm in the gym.  It's not something I have to schedule in anymore. It's not something I have to think about. It's just what I do. Now that I have these DEXA scan results and I know that my body fat is healthy, my body is healthy, I really wanna focus on my fitness. I really wanna, again, build that lean muscle and lean any body fat that I can out. I know I'm gonna have body fat. That number is always gonna be about where it is for body fat. But I wanna build lean more. I wanna really focus on building lean muscle, especially in my upper body. I've been blessed with pretty muscular legs, probably from carrying around over 300 pounds most of my life. And just getting in a really good leg workout three days a week at boot camp, I really wanted to focus on my upper body. And I really, really wanted to have a clear picture of what foods and what quantities do I need to eat to reach those fitness goals. So I made the decision about three weeks ago to hire a fitness coach. Not the fitness coach that I had before, but a new fitness coach. Her name is Brenda and she has roofs and quads on Instagram. I will link her down below and I know I'm gonna get this question about can I hire her? Yes, she is accepting new clients. She is a female body builder. And if you are looking for fitness goals, if you wanna build lean muscle, if you wanna lean down, get rid of body fat, be stronger, healthier. Overall, she's the girl for you. She's very knowledgeable. Everything is done through an app. She's going to give you food suggestions all the way down to grams and how to build your meals. She's going to give you cardio workout. She's going to give you gym workouts that are all done through an app. I check in with her once a week through the app. I message her through the app whenever I have questions. It is full access coaching for weight loss and muscle building. Now, I don't wanna be a body builder. I'm never going to do a show, but you know what I wanna do? I wanna continue to lean down and build lean muscle because I wanna be strong and healthy when I'm older. And we naturally lose about 3% of our lean muscle every year that we age after the age of 30. And on my birthday on Saturday, I turned 48. So I wanna counteract losing any lean muscle. And as that DEXA scan told us, lean muscle burns calories at rest and you look leaner, stronger, and healthier the more lean muscle you have. So by hiring Brenda, she's going to help me reach my fitness goals. And again, that is just to continue to lean down and have that lean muscle continue to creep up for the next DEXA body scan. I'm at a stage now where I'm not really looking to lose weight, to lose fat. What I'm looking to do though, is to see my weight potentially go down with building lean muscle or even just maintaining the weight that I'm currently at, which I fluctuate between about 185 and 190 pounds.  So you'll look better, you'll look leaner. And speaking of the BMI chart, just kind of on a fun side note. When I hired Brenda, my coach, she said that she is considered to be obese on the BMI chart. I'm gonna pop a picture here, Brenda. She's nowhere near obese. She has extremely low body fat, but because the scale only measures mass, it's measuring all of her muscle as weight and puts her in the obese category. So just another reason why we don't know the BMI chart, we don't know her. I've really, really enjoyed working with Brenda so far. I've been doing her upper body workouts in the gym two to three days per week and they're hard. I am sore. I'm in the gym for about an hour lifting weights and then you know that I walk to and from the gym. I've been reaching my five days a week cardio goals between boot camp and walking. Sometimes I get on the stairs separate the gym. My goal is to burn about 300 active calories five days per week. Not 300 total calories, 300 active calories. I easily reach that at boot camp and then I get that in by again walking or doing the stairs in the gym. Even the little bit of time that I've been working with her has really helped me with my workouts. The app is very easy to use. I track everything in the app, all my workouts, my cardio. You can even track your food in there and track my weight in there. It's really, really fantastic and it's very comprehensive. She's really helped me look at fitness different and really helped me figure out what is the right goal for me. I needed someone to help me for me and that leads me into the other reason I hired her and the other thing that I've really enjoyed and that is the food aspect of working with Brenda and the food aspect of continuing to build lean muscle and decrease body fat. And this is where some of the changes to my channel are going to come into play. You guys, I'm eating between 1800 and 2500 calories every single day. I'm eating right around 180 to 200 grams of protein well over 200 carbohydrates every day and between about 60 and 70 grams of fat. She gave me food suggestions down to the grams, how I can build meals, things that I can swap out. Maybe I don't want this one day but I want this instead. Kind of to focus on one lean protein for one meal and one fattier protein for another meal. I'm allowed to have a treat meal every single week. I don't have to track it. I can have an appetizer, a meal and a dessert and I don't have to track that. And eventually I'll be able to have more than one treat meal per week. She has really helped me figure out how to build my meals that benefit my fitness goals and allowed me complete flexibility. When I traveled, she's like, enjoy your vacation, don't track your food. So she just speaks right to my soul and her and I are on the same page with nutrition. Now you know that I'm a weight loss and nutrition coach so I know how to build meals. I know how to do my own macros and calories but having her just give me food suggestions that help with fitness goals has been really important to me. So with those food suggestions, I do have specific things that are recommended for me to eat for meals and snacks. Now I wavered on whether or not I was still going to be doing a meal prep video because for me it's really just putting together a protein, a fat and a carb for every meal.  So I started thinking, do I really need to meal prep every week or should I just prepare a protein source and a veggie source and a carb source and then build my meals with those components. So I actually thought long and hard about that and if that was a change that I wanted to make to my channel and after thinking about it, I made the decision that I'm still going to meal prep every week.  And what I'm going to be prepping is going to align with a whole food diet. So one thing about the food that's on my plan is that it is whole food focused. Now there are some processed foods. I still take two to three protein supplements every single day. I'm still allowed to have crackers and tortillas and things like that that are processed. I no longer eat lunch meat because it's heavily processed. I focused more on tuna and fish and ground meat and steak and chicken versus lunch meat. I'm still allowed to have cottage cheese and yogurt. My yogurt bowl has been a staple for me.  So you're going to see a lot of my meal preps being way more whole food focused. The only exception to that would be the dessert item and sometimes that's going to be whole food focused as well. I'm also going to be implementing protein a lot more into my meal prep because I do have a very high protein goal every single day. Whether I'm on my low calorie days or my higher calorie days, I do carb cycle and a calorie cycle as part of my plan. So I'm going to still be doing my meal prep. It's just going to look a little bit different. It's going to be, like I said, more whole focus, whole food focus, more protein focus and I'm excited about it. And I know that you guys will be excited about it as well because a lot of you ask for more whole food ideas and more protein ideas. So plan on that coming your way and meal preps moving forward. You're also going to see my what I eat in a day videos on Wednesdays change as well. You're going to see firsthand what I eat on my food plan to reach my goals. Now remember everybody's calories, macros, food plans, fitness goals are all different. But I'm excited to share with you what I'm eating to lean down, build muscle and reach my fitness goals, which of course is going to help you guys with your weight loss and fitness goals as well. So you're going to see some changes in those what I eat in a day is just a lot less processed food, a lot more whole real food. And I will still be doing away in every Friday because like I said, I am looking to shed a little bit of excess fat and build a little bit more lean muscle. So I'm still going to be sharing away in with you every Friday. And then of course you'll have a grocery haul every Saturday and that may look a little bit different as well. Again, more whole food focused. And then lastly change wise to my channel will be Sunday. So I put a video out every Sunday like this one. That's a little bit different and unique. The topics of those videos may change a little bit more. I really want to focus more on Sundays, on informational videos, on health and fitness and weight loss. I want to talk about how I heal my relationship with food. I want to talk about why protein is important. I want to focus Sunday's videos on information for you guys to help you reach your goals. That's why I have this YouTube channel is to help you guys is to show you what I'm doing that's been successful to me to give you ideas and tips and tricks so you can reach your goals. That is my biggest achievement in life in being a weight loss and nutrition coach is seeing you reach your goals. So I want to talk more about that in Sunday videos. I still want to have fun videos. We'll be doing try on hauls. We'll be doing cooking videos. We'll be doing fun holiday content as well. But I want to make sure that I'm incorporating a little bit more nutrition, weight loss fitness related videos on Sunday as well. So I hope that you're excited for those changes. And then as far as Weight Watchers goes, not a lot's going to be changing there. I shared several months ago when I did a big life update video, I'll link it down below if you missed it, that my primary focus for the majority of my weight loss and how I actually lost 90 pounds in one year was focusing on eating my calories and eating my protein and really focused on calorie counting and macro counting. I track my Weight Watcher points one day per week and that's the day that I film what I eat in a day. However, I share Weight Watcher points in my grocery hauls, I share Weight Watcher points in my meal preps. I will be continuing to do that. But I want to be open, honest and transparent with you and let you know that for me, especially at maintenance, Weight Watchers is not sustainable for me. It's not enough calories, it's not enough protein, it's not enough carbs, it's not enough of anything for me to maintain my weight and building muscle. I need far more calories than Weight Watchers will give me. So I only, like I said, track my points one day per week and my focus is on calories and macros. That is how I've lost the majority of my 140 pounds, that is what works for me.  It has literally changed my life and like I always say, the only regret I have is not counting macros and calories sooner because it has gotten me to where I am today. It's gotten me to that dexup scan, that body scan, those results, macros and calories has done that for me. So if you haven't had your macros and calories done, whether you're on Weight Watchers or not, even more importantly, if you're on Weight Watchers, have them done. So you know what you should be eating every day to successfully lose weight and keep it off and not be on a diet. To establish a new healthy lifestyle to heal your relationship with food, to stop binging and restricting, to stop calling foods bad or good, all of that happened with macros and calories. So I will put my nutrition coaching website down below, get your macros and calories. I offer coaching if you wanna talk with me, if you wanna go over that information. That is what I'm here for. I'm here to help you. I'm here to help you, so take advantage of that. So I'll make sure that my coaching website is linked down below for you. So I'm really excited about what the future is going to bring. I'm really excited to create my goals for 2024. Of course, we'll do my vision board together. We'll talk about my 2023 goals. We'll talk about 2024 goals. I'm just really excited to see where my weight loss, fitness and health journey takes me moving into the next year. I'm really excited to have Brenda in my corner. She's been really fantastic. I again will link her down below if you're interested in taking advantage of her services. Just let her know that I sent you. She does know that I'm gonna be sharing this with you guys. I'm gonna be sharing her information with you. I'll put her email, Instagram, everything down below for you. And if you're interested in a DEXA scan, just search DEXA scan near me. That's exactly what I did. And you should be able to find one in your area. And stay tuned for another DEXA scan in 2024. And I'm also excited for the changes coming to my channel. I think it's going to be really beneficial not only for me but for you as well. And lastly, thank you as always for your support. Watching my videos really helps me out. Using my links and discount codes really helps me out. And just continuing to support me and Troy overall. It's something that I am so thankful for.  So thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support. And of course, if you enjoyed today's video, give it a thumbs up. Don't forget to check out that description box down below for everything we talked about. I'll put links and discounts to my other favorite thing. And again, thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time.