Well so inshallah today we're going to continue in our conversation that we started last week specifically we're going to dive into a really really essential topic which is focus in prayer and so one of the most critical aspects of attaining spiritual nearness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is to pray consistently and to pray consistently with focus. We talked last time about how do we get into a rhythm of beginning to pray consistently and so how do we start to pray five times a day how do we make sure that we section off time in our calendar in our schedule whatever it is to ensure that we are keeping up with the five daily prayers and then once we have that down right we start to add in when we discuss last time we start to add in the sunnah prayers the sunnah prayers where it's kind of like extra credit right that patches up for mistakes we might have made in our far the prayers and we start to have that down and we kind of you know parallel process this idea of focusing in prayer which is often missed many times we get our prayers down we're like okay i'm praying five times a day and we're like okay now i'm done i am good with that that's not the goal the goal is not just to pray five times a day the goal is to pray consistently with focus and with presence and with attention and to know that praying somebody who is able to pray ideally at the beginning of the time closer to the beginning of the time with focus and with understanding the meanings and with reflecting on the meanings the five daily prayers will do so much for their spiritual state and their mental state that the amount of tranquility that the prayers will bring the amount of relief from anxiety relief from worry because for that period of time somebody is successfully with Allah's tawfeeq turning their entire intention and their entire attention to Allah and they're basically resigning their affairs over to Allah because when you realize the actual meaning of the word of the phrase when we say iyaka na'budu wa iyaka na sta'een that upon you we rely only you do we rely and you we ask for help right you are literally taking the burden of life and the difficulties of life and the anxieties of life and the problems and the challenges of life and the things that you and I are struggling with and we're literally passing them to Allah and now we're saying Allah assist me with it it's very different when somebody is present in doing that versus when we're just like you're gonna be organizing this other we're just gonna go quickly quickly okay i'm done now back to what i was doing before and very very different and so the goal then that we want to get to and if this is the only thing that we take away from all of these discussions it will be huge is if we can try to get to a point of focus in our in our prayer so let's start with just a kind of very very general idea of focus and khushu so what does khushu mean this idea of focus and prayer stems and it's rooted in this idea of khushu khushu is this reverential awe it's like concentration where you actually feel that you are standing in front of your lord you're not just getting something done you're not just happening to be in a you know in a at the masjid or in a specific place where you know you're just kind of trying to go through the motions no no the khushu comes with an internal realization that who am i standing before right when you enter you and i are always before Allah but the secret to truly feeling like you're always before Allah and that Allah is always watching is to internalize it during the prayer first and to feel it in the prayer that Allah is actually watching right and then somebody who starts to do that it consistently starts to reverberate throughout their life that Allah is actually with me Allah is watching me Allah is hearing me Allah is seeing me Allah is helping me Allah is assisting me Allah is subsisting me all of these meanings began to be realized and then that person they're directly being assisted regularly directly being assisted right from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala but it all starts with the prayer and that's why we have this our prayer is consistent alhamdulillah right we're not just the type where our religion alhamdulillah is not a religion that um we only pray when we quote unquote need something because the real believer realizes that they always need Allah it's impossible to exist for a moment or a second or a millisecond in our life if Allah doesn't assist us because who's keeping our lungs moving and pumping who's keeping our blood our blood moving who is allowing our heart to pump who is allowing our kidneys to work and our liver to work and our organs to work and so on and so for so many other things right that Allah is Allah is doing so we're not like oh i need a new job now let me turn to Allah right and everything else i'm fine i never really turned to him right that does that concept exists in other traditions where the prayer only comes at certain points no alhamdulillah art for us yes we may be growing up oh we felt like it was a burden but it's not a burden it's a big blessing that we can we have a connection with our creator and we don't have to have any formal place or anything else or a place we have to go to to establish that connection versus that that did exist for people of other of the past right we can literally pray essentially anywhere as long as we have we're in a state of gudu right and we know and we do our best to know where the kibla is the direction of the kibla so then we get into hushu right so how exactly do we start to realize what hushu is so hushu is this idea of having an attentive heart it's knowing who you're standing before that's the basic concept right and so the goal of hushu is to perfect our internal movements just like we perfect our external movements right when we're young or when we're first learning the prayer somebody is like helping us and they're like okay no this is how you stand right this is how you bow and they're like oh no no bend a little bit more right this is how you make sajida this is how you sit properly no move your legs like this no hand needs to be like this right there somebody's assisting us in perfecting those external movements right and sometimes we've all had it right this person at the masjid who comes up after and is like no no no you're doing it all wrong and then they tell you how to do it properly even though maybe you're doing it right you just have a different month or something or maybe we were doing it wrong and you know we accept advice right but that's the external aspect just like there's an external focus on perfecting there's an internal aspect and there's an internal perfection of the prayer and that's what we want to get to so that's what hushu is that's what focus is and it does come in a hadith that imama haddad does mention in the book of assistance that only the part in which a believer is conscious of in their prayer is what is credited to him now this is we take this take this with a couple grains of salt right so that the idea is that the most amount of reward right will go to the part yes we are focused in we get the reward of getting the obligation done with by just doing the obligation by praying and as long as you have a little bit of focus the fo kaha say the scholar say we will get the reward of getting the obligation done with but there's a very big difference in terms of getting the obligation done with and the limitless rewards that that are possible from somebody who is just experiencing something else in their prayer right they're completely focused they're reflecting they're in the zone they're with Allah they're really understanding what they're saying right they're turning to him attentively that the two rewards are not the same for that person and the person just rushes to get everything done so the reward starts to really really really really increase right and so the prayer of the Prophet sallam was very very different than the prayer of the Sahaba right the Sahaba had not reached the station of the Prophet sallam and his prayer right but the state of our prayer is very different than the state of the Sahaba's prayer right and we just have to try our best to get to some level of khushu and what they used to focus on after they got the external elements correct they used to focus on khushu that is what the Salaf the early generations focused on these days we focus on outward on the rules and so on and so forth and on every little detail without actually focusing on the internal reverence we have to have both but that we have lost this focus on reverence and lost this focus on internal focus or lost this focus on internal khushu so let's start with at the beginnings of prayer does anybody remember what we said that this the scholar said that how do you unlock at the first level focus in prayer where does it begin yes focus in wudu alhamdulillah right focus in wudu unlocks focus in prayer wudu is not just to get it all done with action that's not the point wudu is a spiritual action and by what you you and I are getting reward for doing wudu it is purifying it's literally you are purifying yourself right you know like in other traditions there's like holy water purity and all these different rituals associated with it and there's like a whole period of time by which that those rituals are conducted and we literally do our purification ritual at least four or five times a day unless somebody holds their wudu for a long period of time but like for multiple times a day so it's not just it's not just a basic action sprinkle water here and there and get it done with it's very very important to be present in wudu so the the idea starts at wudu so you and I will start at the beginning and we'll try to inshallah go to at least the the get through the majority of the prayer today inshallah so we start with wudu in the wudu your original focus right the most people will start with rinsing our mouth or washing your hands rather you start washing your hands and when you wash your hands it's literally you are washing away you focus on okay i'm washing away anything impure that i might have done with my hands especially these days anything i might have typed with my hands right anything any bad words i might have said anybody i might have you know yelled at or said something uh to and then you and you and i go and we start we go with the face we are washing our face same thing when we get to the eyes anything impure we did with our eyes we're intending that that goes away and we're focused and we're present and we know just know this that spiritually and for those who are able to see and there are there have been of the of the saints that have been able to see this that your sins are literally falling away as you are making wudu like literally that water that you're making wudu with has is capturing the sins that might have done so somebody who is looking at haram images at pornography that sin is captured in the eye and when they're making wudu it starts to go away right there's still the the impact of any sin when i do on our heart but wudu will start to clear out the impact that it has had on us right so that's the first step of wudu and you rinse our mouth anything we might have said anybody who might have again yelled at or used inappropriate language with those sins are going and they're being washed and we go throughout the whole body and basically you can you can take that and apply it to the whole body so the goal is to be focused then in the wudu right and to not just see it as something you and i have to get done with and if you can't and the the trick here is if you can't focus on all of it just say okay i'm only going to focus in the beginning and in the end and hopefully the rest will be taken care of but just pick a little bit sometimes it's hard because shaytan his goal as soon as you begin to do something important he comes at you and he sends his devils at you and he's like no no no no think about that random one thing you forgotten you ever remembered for seven weeks and now remember it when you're in wudu or in prayer that's his goal it's actually a tactic right that they that the shaytan utilize so focus on one part okay i'm just going to focus on reflect on what's going on when i'm washing my face and when i'm washing and then the next time i'm going to focus on what's going on when washing my arms in my hands and so on until somebody will achieve his day to focus hopefully be in the last in the majority of their wudu or in all of their wudu thank you so that is at the at the first thing we do right usually now as we're doing this outwardly the inward feeling that you and i need to have and this is like i would try to just very very practically create a few reminders for ourselves right so like okay with dhor and asr i'm going to remember this and with maghrib and isha i'm going to remember this the inward feeling that we need to have is repenting to a lot just like our sins are being washed away we want to inwardly feel like yeah a lot just like you're washing away the sins i've committed also wash away the sins i've committed with my heart and i and that's a lot of stuff we commit with our heart every time we look at an instagram post and we feel oh why does this person have this and i don't have it it's a big sin it's called envy right and it's and it can and the prophet says on set envy burns away good deeds like fire burns wood it's prevalent these days especially with the proliferation of social media everybody wants that everybody other other people have that's it that so you make the intention yalla just like i'm purifying this please purify my heart and make an intention for a different sin of the heart with each prayer or with each set of prayers oh with the afternoon prayers i'm going to remember this with the evening with the night prayers i'm going to remember this with the morning prayer i'm going to remember this or i just pick one and try to be consistent but that's like we try to get to these steps so that whole inshallah throughout by the time we we get into a consistent rhythm in our life we are actively remembering these things right we're actively remembering these things um and so when you have purified now with the wudu what usually happens is somebody either begins their is on their way to the prayer or you know you might hear the adhan now the thing to reflect on in order to focus in the prayer you also want to focus in the adhan you also want to focus in the adhan so if the adhan goes off right especially if you're in a place where the adhan goes off i and the same thing i guess if you could apply to like a phone or like one of those adhan clocks um right but you want to actually focus on the meaning of each phrase and reflect on it reflect on what does each phrase mean allahu akbar allahu akbar and we're not going to go through every single one right now for the sake of time but reflect on what is Allah saying Allah is the greatest Allah is the greatest and eventually he's calling you and i to prayer and he's calling us to success so try to pick one prayer a day and if it's too hard to do this one prayer a week where you just focus on the meanings of the adhan and even if you just pick a part of the adhan very practically pick out okay for juma i'm going to try to get here usually like juma if as long as you're here five ten minutes before like let's say at our masjid we're paying at one thirty p.m as long as you're here like 120 you'll hear the adhan going off right the adhan will go off and at that point you reflect on the meanings of the adhan what is happening the adhan is not the time to be on a phone scrolling final slacks or text messages or whatever we're doing on our phone what's that adhan is the time to be focused Allah is calling you and me to him it's a very big deal what's happening during the adhan so that now he begins to get you in a state again it's all about warming up right we talked about this last time with like it's like a sports team sports prayer you've got to warm up before the game you can't just like you don't just show up you don't see like you know Steph Curry just show up to a game and literally leave the car and start start playing immediately like there's always a phase before then there's a whole get in the mental zone warm up and so on and guys this is for like a game like literally a game that for a lot of people yes there's a lot of quote unquote value to the game but in the afterlife i mean really what value is there to a game right this is how much people prep for games and for sports and for these types of things to kind of get in the zone for competition right how about the prep that's that's that's needed for engaging in conversation with Allah and so we've got to warm up beforehand right and that's where the wudu comes in the reflection on the adhan comes in and then we inshallah get to a state where we start to reflect on there's three things that reflect on in the adhan number one that adhan comes you kind of reflect on the fact that the religion should always take precedence over anything else we're doing that's the adhan is starting with Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar Allah is the greatest Allah is the greatest meaning not necessarily in that literal moment you and i have to drop everything but yes we should begin the process of deprioritizing whatever we're doing because Allah is now called us that's the first thing the second thing to reflect on is that reflect on the fact that there will be a point on the day of judgment when you will be literally called every person will literally be called and they will be summoned and it will be your turn to just present yourself to Allah right everybody whose name will be called and it will be your turn and Allah will say did you do such and such and so and so on your whole life will be played before you and it will be a whole conversation between you and Allah and for those who it's already going to be difficult and we ask Allah for afya and for ease on that day but for those who have a very intense questioning it's not going to be by any means easy because Allah will ask about everything why did you this why did you hurt that person why did you say this word why did you and but that's for the people who never repented and never changed their ways those who changed their ways and repented inshallah will be much easier but the fact is is that everybody will be summoned and so the adhan is kind of a metaphor partly for that summoning that's going to happen so that's who that's the second thing to reflect on and the third thing to reflect on and is you know there's going to be a day where you and i won't actively hear the adhan anymore and we won't have a chance to be summoned to prayer so just reflect on like this isn't always happening you know sometimes we just push things off like oh i'll do it next time i'll do it next week i'll do this that might not next week might not come i mean next year might not come and so we don't want to be in that boat where it's like i had the opportunity and i missed it because what the people of the grave regret the most as it comes in many many traditions or the people of the afterlife forget the most is the prayers that they might have missed right or the acts of virtue that they didn't do the extra acts of virtue that they could have done and so we reflect on okay i'm not always going to have this right i'm i'm sure we've all met people or have been in that situation ourselves maybe we had hurt ourselves hurt our knee hurt our back hurt some part of us or had a you know the elderly parent or some or grandparents somebody else who in our life who they couldn't make sajda anymore let's say right or they couldn't stand in the prayer and if you just ask them especially if there are people who would pray at least a bit before then they'd be like i miss it so much they'll tell you like ah man i remember i met a man at the musher once and he had to pray sitting because he couldn't like he couldn't bend down all the way to make sense right and in that situation the dispensation is there it's totally okay for the elderly weak and and people who are hurt injured and so on to to do that um and he really just you could just tell he just missed it he just missed like putting his head his forehead on the ground and just completely turning to a lot and he was basically trying to trying to tell me like just don't don't make uh don't forget that this is a huge blessing you go through it every day right and you might just like peck and then get back up or whatever state we're in but don't forget that this is how big of a blessing this is because i can't do it anymore right and i really wish i could and i would see him sometimes like with all his might just trying to go for one sadhu and it would just be so you know subhanallah right what somebody would do to try to do that so same thing with the prayer we there won't always be a chance guys for us to pray like it's not always just always going to be the case there will be a moment at which it's sealed and we don't want to regret and miss out on what we had on on what we had basically you know deciding not to do on the reward so and that's just in the kind of last mindset shift where we get into the rest is don't look at the prayer it's just like something you got it we got to get done with so we can get five points you know five points for griffindor but you know the don't just though i got to get five points and ten points with god and then i eventually if i get enough points i win the game that's not the point i mean that's that's yes that's part of it to quote unquote win the game and and get to heaven but don't that's not the mentality we want to look at it from because then it's much harder to focus it's much harder because we're just like the mentality is i just got to get something done right the mentality should be ideally we work our way up to the mentality that if we're still stuck on the number of rewards i'll get mentality we will get many more rewards hundred points thousand points whatever reward calculation somebody wants to use to when the prayer has focus in it but the higher mentality is i'm literally engaging in a conversation with my lord and i'm going to be in a very very good state with him in this life inshallah and the next if i and i will earn his good pleasure if i am able to achieve the state of focus right and then you now begin to ask him for focus if you one of the big ways to get khushu in prayer in addition to all these other tactics is to just ask Allah for it yeah Allah give me khushu in prayer give me khushu in prayer it's not a small thing it's worth more than all the other monetary things that we could be asking for so we should ask for it often that the Allah give me khushu in prayer so then we get to the next part any questions though before we get to the next section on this unlike kind of steps leading to the prayer we do and on so on question no sister's question okay let me see if any questions online on this part okay cool so we'll move on then to the next one um so that's okay so now adhan with you now you've gotten to the point where you are um getting close to being about to pray what do you do the first thing you and i do as we're trying to pray is we face the kibla now you're not going to like face sideways adopt you're going to face the kibla when you're praying now there is an internal meaning to this as well again if if we can remember the internal meaning to all of these external rules that will be a big win for us spiritually externally you face the kibla right you and i have to kibla is makkah right we face the direction of makkah from here right um slightly slightly east of north um but there's also an internal direction that you and i are facing and what does that mean yet internally what you and i are trying to do is we're trying to shift our direction away from the dunya entirely towards the akhira away from the world entirely towards Allah right so in reality the symbol of turning towards makkah some of the scholars will say and you're turning towards what not just a city but literally the kaaba the house of Allah right on earth and so just like you do that externally internally the intention needs to be i'm literally turning my entire inward and outward being towards Allah and Allah alone right and and i'm leaving the dunya behind and i'm instead turning towards the akhira instead turning towards the next life and then when somebody says Allahu Akbar they are supposed to be remembering that i'm tossing all of the dunya behind me right literally with your everything behind me and i'm just focused entirely on Allah and now my external kibla inshallah is correct and my internal kibla inshallah is correct and so the way to do this is before the prayer have like two or three things you and i have jotted down like on our phones or just mentally but we just remind ourselves of this so we get into rhythm just like when someone is learning how to pray we have to remember some people you know we use a little book or pamphlet or flash cards something we did to like learn all the different things we had to say or do when we were praying similarly with the inward focus we have to emphasize we have to emphasize learning it so you remind yourself okay about to turn towards Allah what does this mean let me just let this thing leave my heart let me focus on Allah let me not focus on dunya and so on right like i usually struggle with this if i'm coming straight from work from a meeting to the prayer and then i got to go back to work it's very difficult to like shift completely context switch and just completely be focused right so there has to be reminders that we give ourselves beforehand get in the zone ideally pray sunnah beforehand if we can read a we read a page or two or put on right and beforehand and just get in the zone a little bit and then the prayer inshallah as long as the first few rakahs are our first raka can be good okay we got there a little bit right 25 percent of the way there even if the other three two or three rakahs are not as good at least we did part of it it's about slow wins until we get to the point where now 80 90 percent inshallah plus of our prayer is positive it's just about reminding ourselves and just imagine right like imagine if you were praying and whether it's at the masjid or you know let's imagine you're at the masjid and you were like let's say the kibla is that way right behind me and someone is just like standing this way what would everybody do to that like what would the whole congregation at least try to do to that person turn around some people would be like you're facing the wrong way some people would force to return someone is going to try to help that person right now imagine though if somebody is starting the prayer they're facing the right direction outwardly but inwardly their kibla they're thinking about donya they're thinking about some relationship they're thinking about some text message they're thinking about some food like their internal kibla is completely in the opposite direction now how would Allah face like how would Allah feel right you could in metaphorically speaking right like when that's the type of prayer that we are presenting to him that's the type of internal state we are presenting him with just like we would never face the opposite direction or just completely disregard the rules of the prayer similarly inwardly we don't want to face the quote unquote opposite direction this and this is a huge effort we have to put in right slowly reorient ourselves towards realizing okay none of the goal of prayer is focused goal of prayer is focused and till we go ahead and do so so that's at the first level we face the kibla and we remind ourselves right remind ourselves that we are leaving this world and turning to Allah only and that our kibla is towards Allah in the next world right internal internally so that would be the first point then we get into the okay what does the standing now you're standing right you usually when you start the prayer of course you are you are in a state of standing what does that signify so and if anybody has questions just post them and we'll get to them as soon as we're done with this section inshallah so the standing now signifies right just like we are required to stand for the prayer outwardly and fit it is a requirement it is one of the arcana prayer to stand longer conversation but like praying for example if we don't have any physical pain or reason like we can't pray in cars we can't pray if we pray on a plane for example sitting down we have to actually make up that prayer like standing in prayer is a requirement in the in the in the in the in the madhabs but just like standing is a requirement the internal reflection that you and I are doing while standing is to reflect on the fact that there will be a day that there will be a day in which all of mankind will stand before Allah and that's what partly what the standing reflects you and I will all be standing before Allah the day of judgment we're not going to have chairs and get to chill and it's not like that no no no there's no there's no external there's comforts that Allah may give to some of the the people of closeness and we ask that Allah make us from them but everybody is in a state of standing so that's the reflection you and I do again the prayers to remind you of Allah in afterlife so the first reflection you do why am I what am I standing just like I'm standing right now I will stand before Allah on the day of judgment now you reflect on what does that mean are you ready for it are you and I ready for that right answer from for most of us will be no we're not we could be really ready to face Allah it's a pretty big deal right and now that starts to kick in and internal like hold on I got work to do on myself and the prayer is Allah says in the Quran that the prayer will prevent you and me from doing bad things that means that you and I had the prayer that we have to be focused in the prayer right in order for it to assist us because when you reflect on the day of judgment and you reflect on standing right when you and I are about to do whatever sin we're about to do it will be difficult to do it because we'll have just completed a prayer we'll have four or five times a day hopefully we're able to focus on all five that we have reflected on these things right and that is at the standing the other thing to keep in mind in terms of the standing is you stand in a state of like it's kind of submission right you and I are not standing proud before Allah like we're standing up straight but like there is a level of humility that you keep in mind so that's the second trait to remember what standing the first is to remember when you and I stand before Allah is to remember that we will stand before him on the day of judgment to reflect on that and the second item to reflect on our peace to reflect on is that we will be humble and we need to be humble before Allah right حَلْ أَتَاقَ الْحَدِيْتَ الغَاشِيَةَ وُجُوْهُ يَوْمَ اِدْنْخَاشِيَةَ that have you heard about this this day this this this this momentous day that it is a day where that we're forcibly or unforcibly everybody will be in a state of reverence reverence everybody will have this some type of khushu because you and I will realize as we talked in the first class about the levels of certainty there is a level of certainty that's possible called حق اليقين the truth of certainty where you and I become so certain in this life that all of this is real no doubts that everything is real Allah is real the angels are real the afterlife is real the prophets are real there's like the intellectual level and the kind of grasping it but if somebody for sure a hundred percent grasped it and it was internally embedded in them and it was the حق اليقين they would be able to see now the unseen the unseen would become to them as though it was the scene there's people who can get to that state and so those people are always in a state of khushu because they're like completely aware of everything going on there's people there's people who have reached states where it's possible to see not all the time but the unveilings of the heavens the angels moving down back and forth the angels that are present in gatherings the different momentous events that are taking place their dreams are extremely powerful there's people who are reached in amazing states right it's possible to reach that state but it starts with the yakin and it starts with focus it starts with focus and so for for those people the focus will always be there because they will have reached a state of حق اليقين for the rest of us we try to focus more and more so that our yakin increases our yakin increases our certainty yakin means certainty so that it increases so that on the day of judgment it's not all like new it's like no no no i got some practice for this right okay like i did the warm-ups i got the practice now it's tough but i kind of have a sense of what's going on right and here's then and even then i mean it's going to be completely humbling and intense day but at least somebody will have reflected on it and read about it and done their absolute best to try to understand whatever uh was possible in this life whatever was possible in this life and so then you standing right and we already mentioned you do the takbir ahram right the Allahu Akbar and that is to focus on everything um you you toss out everything behind you and you just focus entirely on Allah and then you get into the fatihah as we we just reflected on this a little bit uh last time the main thing to reflect on in this sort of fatihah everybody would all try to spend a few weeks to a month just learning the meanings of social fatihah just trying to learn the meanings of social fatihah and try to take one right of the verses the seven verses in fatihah try to take one verse and just learn the meaning of that verse in a few days or in a week so all right all praise be due to Allah the lord of the world so you read that you memorize it step one learn the meaning step two memorize the meaning step three learn what does the meaning actually mean meaning you unpack it a little bit you read the commentary you have a couple bullets down for yourself okay this is what rub al alamin works some of the scholars said alamin means worlds multiple worlds okay so how many worlds are there well the tafsir so many of the tafsir is mentioned oh there's this many worlds according to this narration and so on and so forth not just this world we're living in right or worlds or some people world could mean alamin could mean mankind there's all these different uh interpretations of what it could mean rub just the word rub sustainer the the the the cherisher right just the cherishing sustainer who's taking care of you with sustaining you in every moment since the time you were a baby in our in our we were babies and our mother's womb he has been our rub before that even right but from the time that life was given all the way until now Allah has been there taking care of us and these are the meaning just in the word rub that we can reflect on so it's to memorize or to learn the meaning the first level of the meaning to memorize it step two step three to learn what has been said about those meanings right so you you study just one short tafsir commentary just to get it going that will be your the tools that while you're in the prayer now you can reflect now you open up reflections right okay now i can reflect on what i'm saying versus alhamdulillah like this really really quickly no no no now somebody's actually reflecting and and so if you ever prayed behind somebody and you're like why is this person taking so long in the fatihah they're like you're done with the fact you know you're done and they're still going and they might like let's say it's a the horror something it's a silent prayer is a high likelihood that either you're thinking about some some business transaction or most likely they're focused right and so they're reflecting when you reflect you're like alhamdulillah you need time because it's very difficult to let all the meanings come as you're going through it quickly so you now have a slow prayer right the prayer and this is good to do especially when you're on your own to go a little bit slower when you're leading a congregation we'll talk about that in the next class there's like new there's different rules you don't go super slow there could be somebody who has something to get done you know there could be somebody there with their children and their baby and so on and so forth and they have to attend to that so you don't want to like really slow it down but you just still don't go hyper faster you kind of go at a at a medium pace but still reflection is important at every level right so that's the fatihah the fatihah is amazing the fatihah is absolutely amazing and so highly highly encourage all of us to learn fatihah what were the three things does anybody remember the fatihah yes exactly 100% you've got it right learn learn the meaning of the fatihah then you memorize the meaning of the fatihah and then you and I learn what has been said in the commentaries about the meaning of the fatihah alhamdulillah so um the next then is after we do the fatihah right we will recite some uh put on and so it's even better if we are at the point where now we got fatihah down the surahs that we recite we learn the meanings of those surahs as well right so we know after the fatihah can recite you know any surah more than three verses that we would recite in the Quran and so we try to learn the meanings there as well I would pick a handful of surahs to start with and after we got the fatihah down to learn the meanings of those surahs the shortcut kind of the shortcut to all this is to learn arabic and we ask Allah give us tofiq to do this right but then somebody learned arabic then they'll kind of just learn they'll know what's being said and then it's just going to be on them to master the reflection right alhamdulillah if we can at least pick a few surahs okay I'm going to do these these are the five or six surahs someone does often at least know the meanings of those right at least school of Allah has called out the rebel phalak or other binas and not they like to call it like the short ones that most of us do often kind of because they're shortest right at least we got to know the meanings of those right and then we move on to the longer ones so after you do the surah then somebody does what they bow before Allah now does anybody want to kind of you know suggest what could what what should we be reflecting on when the bowing is going on humility is the key the key one here right so the humbling you are literally humbling your you are humbling yourself before Allah you are bowing you are showing reverence when you bow before somebody you are showing reverence and you are fully bowing it's not just a very light bow it's a full bow somebody makes right when they are and doing the ruku the ruku and then so it's reflect on the humility and the words that are being recited subhanir abiyal adim right glory be to Allah the most magnificent right and so you reflect on on that and then there is the kind of uh some one of the most essential aspects of the prayer the sajda the sajda same root masjid right and sajda the masjid is the place of sajda that is what the masjid is right and so sajda is uh such an important part of the prayer that is the full humbling and the full submission of yourself to Allah you are in a completely vulnerable state when you are making sajda you have no you and i have no idea what's going on behind us what's going on you are completely submitting yourself to Allah what does that mean now internally that internally somebody gets to the mindset where i am submitting my entire life before to Allah ya Allah you decide for me ya Allah you take care of me ya Allah you assist me ya Allah you are the one who will solve my problem so it's like a complete internal just like it's an external submission it's an internal submission before Allah that's the first thing to reflect on the second is to reflect on and this is you know hard because we usually pray on like nice carpets but that you you reflect on the fact that you are touching the earth the ground at minimum the ground and that you will return to the ground that you were created from the ground you are touching the ground with your head and you will return to the ground right and obviously we're again not praying on like earth most of the time um but still this is possible reflection because we were obviously playing on like flat surfaces beneath which is earth right underneath which is earth so what this does is this now should do a few things internally in addition to these reflections and the reverence increasing everybody has that kind of like uh you know like in um like in the video games and they have these bars of level as you as you go up you gain more in the in the kind of barometer right you get more points and you keep going until you reach this like super mode or whatever it is you get enough stars say in mario and then you fill the whole barometer that type of thing as you're reflecting on more and more in the prayer your hushu is increasing the barometer is increasing the barometer is increasing and what that does is it begins to destroy the bad inside of you boom it's gone darkness leaves light enters gone which is why people have a lot of prayer and a lot of decor are light you meet them and there's just light emanating complete light it's amazing the prophecy son they said they would meet him and they would look at the the full moon and they would look at him and they would look at the full moon and they would look at him and they would look at the full moon and they would look at him and they would say he is brighter and more beautiful than the full moon at one time uh that uh i thought he would say that i showed you i know if somebody dropped a like a pin and literally the prophecy son entered and his face was so luminescent that it lit up the room and they were able to see what they dropped that's how much light he carries a lot of this is this is the benefit this is the process or the this is the goal that we have right among the goals is to internally and externally get as close as possible to the prophet sallam obviously we will never reach that state but the sahaba were people were were luminescent people they were luminous people they were people of light and so the the focus in prayer especially in sajda destroys the darkness and what does it do specifically one of the the worst traits that exist in the time that we live in is arrogance tons of arrogance so much arrogance out there right especially like in you know amongst amongst um in the political scene rulers just just does the i would say in general right now it's quite prevalent throughout the people don't care enough about each other so they're super arrogant with regards to the pandemic i don't want to do anything even if it impacts everybody else right it's like okay how about a little bit of humility right there's a lot of just arrogance out there and arrogance selfishness is very linked right now what now if you usually speak to somebody who is very very arrogant ask them have you ever bowed your head to the ground the likely answer will be no it's very difficult for somebody who bows their head to the ground multiple times a day more than a dozen times a day right well 10 times and then um uh no no no wait more than 10 times how many times would that be a lot of times not coming that it's very difficult for them to like have the same level of arrogance i mean literally you're putting your head to the ground right that but that's the reflection enough focus while doing that will obliterate these evil traits and will make you and me those traits will be removed right so the arrogance leaves the body it's like how i'm nothing i was created from earth me who am i right what do i who do i think i am i'm in complete submission to Allah Allah has complete control over me these are the meanings that we reflect on and then Allah inshallah will assist us and remove the bad remove the darkness and remove the arrogance and the vanity and so on and so forth right and it will show you your your your your weak humanity before Allah ultimately one of the major goals of all of this is to just be weak before Allah Allah doesn't like the human being to demonstrate strength before him he likes the human being to demonstrate strength before the people who are trying to hurt his religion and amongst the disbelievers but not before him Allah wants the human being everybody from the the prophets alayma salam all the way to any human being to demonstrate complete brokenness before Allah and so you'll see that Allah says in the Quran that we assisted you at Badr at the battle of Badr when you were weak you showed your weakness to us and we assisted you weakness is that there's a secret in weakness and there's a secret in showing your weakness and being humble before Allah and the person who expresses their humility and reliance and says Allah I need you and sometimes Allah will bring us to a state where we show that humility we say Allah I need you it's very different than the person who's who's like I'll do this whole thing when I when I need when I need it rather than realizing that you and I are always in need of Allah right so uh sorry about that the connection is called Allah so that's that's um the that's basically a good a large part of the prayer and then the sitting portion um right again is it's it's it's important to to learn the meanings of what you when you and I are saying when we are sitting learning the meanings will have a huge impact on what we're doing right and you and I are sending our are sending salutations upon the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and uh that again it is it is partly remembering and inculcating a state of humility just the even the position that we sit in it's not like an arrogant position it's a fairly humble position that we're sitting in before Allah right so that is um kind of covers a fair amount of the sections of the prayer so we're going to pause there and see if there's any questions questions questions online whoops question the class is weekly Wednesday uh okay any other questions uh is it permissible to read aloud during Fajr Maghrib and Isha praying alone for the purpose of increasing khushu it is it is it is definitely permissible it's more than permissible you have to read out loud a bit during Fajr Maghrib and Isha from six point of view at least according to the Hanafiz um if you are praying alone so so yeah when you are praying the the there's silent prayers and there's out loud prayers when there's a silent prayer going on and again this is not a a thick course so when we won't get too into the details here we can always follow up on this for anybody who has specific questions at the silent for the silent prayers you and I cannot read in our mind so you have to actually articulate what you were saying you cannot just be there like this and the whole fahte has going on in your head you have to actually say it all right and you actually are slow art kind of like a whisper you're articulating it in the out loud prayers of which are Fajr Maghrib and Isha you and I have to even if we are um not praying in congregation there should be some voice to it right all the way up to all right and then especially if you are leading the prayer um and so that's why it's important to try to if you can if you can pray in congregation though obviously when the Imam is leading you don't say anything you're just following right um or if you're praying at your home and somebody is leading the whoever the Imam is in the prayer um that you don't you don't say anything so yes you would you would want to do that and that should increase um the focus inshallah other questions before yes uh question is if you wanted to make suju directly on the grass or the earth can you do that yes you can you can do that yeah um the only thing you want to be like roughly mindful of is it's not a spot of like obvious nudges meaning obvious it's not obviously dirty right so like let's say it's a dog park it's not a good idea if it's a park even dogs frequent a lot probably not a good idea then maybe that there's a there's a place where they might um you know but if it's like you know hey this area is like pretty clean right and your assumption in most of the time is unless it's obviously dirty that it is going to be clean right um that you would be able to make suju alhamdulillah the Prophet sallam indicated that he is made that Allah made the whole earth a masjid for him right we are we don't have to somebody could literally just be like in the mountains or in you know the forest or whatever it is for a good portion of their life there's no formal masjid or whatever they could completely abide by all the rules of Islam that Allah has made Islam extremely expensive and it's it's quite beautiful other questions yes yeah question is if you're praying outside um are you supposed to be looking for an even surface or is it okay if there's patchiness so if there's and I might need to follow up on this for the specifics um what you don't want to do is pray incline to decline or vice versa right so like let's say you're like you're literally standing like this right where you're here and there's like a whole hill in front of you and you're making sense that that would not be the way you want to pray but if there's a little bit of little bit of patchiness you would be you know you would be okay um inshallah because you cannot expect it to all be even but if you can find the more even surfaces it would be preferred does that make sense yeah but if you're in an area a lot of mounds and whatnot and you've got to pray you you got to pray it's usually when is the incline decline significant difference that you want to avoid yeah okay any other questions yes yeah yeah so the question was when you are sitting at any moment you are sitting for a need right so one of the arkan of prayer so among the arkan of prayer is to stand okay you are required to stand during the prayer so if there's any moment by you you have to sit the preferred thing is you stand so like let's say on an airplane you can stand and many times you can and if somebody has the you know just just like hey i'm just gonna do it right just go in the back you know pray nobody's gonna nobody's gonna worry that much about it um if you can do that that's preferred right same thing at airports and so on if somebody's like hey is literally no way possible like sometimes you will be on a flight there's no way possible for you to stand there's no place the the band above you is so low like there's no no no way to do it and you've got to sit what you would do is you would sit and then you would make up that prayer later while standing in order to get the full complete kind of reward but you wouldn't be according to the at least what i've learned you wouldn't be sinful for missing the prayer you got the prayer in it's just you just make up the because you were you weren't standing does that does that answer the question but what you don't want to do is like let's say and this actually happens a lot someone's just like oh i'm just going to pray in my car there's unless there's some of the significant danger around you right like a wolf or someone is about to attack you or there's like you're in a really really difficult area there's not really an excuse valid excuse to pray in the car or like oh i'm driving and i don't want to pull over i'm just going to pray the horror i don't know where the kibla is just driving in the car that would that that prayer wouldn't have counted that prayer would need to be made up because you were not standing and that's that's an example of a situation in which somebody should have ideally stopped found a place to pray even traveling i'll i made it i'll already made it really easy just to do to raka right and so they would do so does that make sense yeah please yeah you should make up yes yes i would like i'm currently doing that like i currently make up prayers that i might have played prayed on a plane or just missed entirely while traveling um so yes you what you would do is what i mean by it's not sinful is like door time comes in you have no way to stand you still prayed the heart you got to obviously make would do and when not you still prayed the heart right and then you later at some point if that night or the next day or something you make up the door that you prayed because you would not have got like if you missed the prayer entirely you get a sin right it's pretty significant right because somebody just missed the prayer but you would not get a sin for missing the prayer because you prayed it however the prayer wasn't done according to the correct requirements of the prayer among the requirements of which is standing so you would just make it up so you get the completeness does that make sense yeah yeah yeah you could exactly yeah it would be well in new well yeah it's it's tricky it's neutral but it's not like um it's you do have no sin upon you but you have not completely yet completed right the requirement of the prayer so you're not exactly a neutral yet neutral would be like you prayed sitting and and and or standing and you had no focus whatsoever so there's no sin and there's you know like that's a neutral prayer right there gets a little bit but but the very very basic thing is if we ever pray sitting we have to pray we have unless it's an injury that's or elderly something like that right that we would um prayed sitting get it in its time and then pray standing to make up the requirement right that would be the the and you prayed the number of raka you prayed while in that state so on a plane you're always praying travel prayer and I think it's impossible that you would not be praying travel prayer so you would just make that up as the travel prayer is the two raka's does that does that help and we can follow up afterwards if it's helpful um in case that I didn't explain sorry I didn't explain in the best way yes question yeah you are fully you are fully making up the whole salat yeah and so if it's like there's a lot to do you know you can just do them with the shorter surahs just quick get it get it in right but you are fully making up the the whole salat yeah yes you always make up the travel so so the question is what if you're still traveling when you land at your destination so um you're always if you let's say okay so in this scenario you are traveling during the her asir and maghrib and ishah let's say right and then you land at your destination at fajir let's say you prayed all of those prayers sitting at some point you ideally make up those prayers all of them you make up as travel prayers right never even if you make it up now and you traveled three years ago you still make them up as travel prayers if you missed a prayer like let's say you just you and I just didn't pray it at all while traveling it's still made up as a traveler prayer it's not made up as a full prayer um does that make sense but in this situation because you the time came in you were aware alhamdulillah that oh I have to pray you do your best to pray you pray sitting in this in the circumstances and then it is out of I'm trying to do the complete correct thing that you would pray um uh standing up to complete it does that make sense yeah okay any other question yes question question was um when you're traveling is there a window time frame by which you are considered traveler prayer um and if you're traveling for a few weeks uh does that count so the traveler prayer so this is different depending on the mudhub now so I'm gonna try to give a very I'm gonna give the Hanafi answer okay is two weeks 14 days you are if you intend to be there any longer than 14 days you are not a traveler from the beginning okay so let's say like I go to Oregon and I'm going for a month trip from the whole time that I as soon as I get there not on my journey but as soon as I get there I am a quote unquote a resident I'm not a traveler anymore I got to pray for from the start does that make sense you don't get traveler at all the only time you would get traveler is because you're basically you're not actually in a state of travel anymore you and I might call it travel but it's it's according to the the fit it is you're you have a resident right um but while I'm on the journey like in my drive to Oregon I'm praying traveler right that's the Hanafi school in the other schools it's three days three days so you're three days you get no more right and three or four and I believe in in some of the schools it's for um so you don't you wouldn't count travel is more than that um so that's why this is actually a pretty important topic to review many times people travel for like three weeks and they combine the prayer and they shorten the prayer and out in both schools are in all the schools that technically wouldn't wouldn't be counting right because you're not allowed to you're not a resident or you're not a traveler according to any of the schools and some of the schools allow the combining and others only allow the shortening and so it's kind of all the mixing and matching ends up in the whole thing being impacted incorrectly and that's where this is where knowledge becomes really important right that we mentioned in the early classes the importance of of of learning and these are excellent questions for all of us um and I was literally just talking to a friend about this over the weekend who's Shafi and I was like trying to be like in this situation how do you guys do it how do you do it because I didn't learn Shafi thick and I he clarified to me the three the three days right because I didn't I actually didn't know that um so uh the the knowledge becomes really important because then we don't want to be doing something incorrectly so before we kind of learn anything extra we spend time doing anything extra we just get these basic things down if you I would recommend brother Sundiata Amir Sundiata of our masheed he is doing a class on Friday evenings um I think that's seven someone can attend that would be great I believe it's also live streamed on Facebook um and he's doing class on thick I should say so the law right if people feel like it would be really helpful we can do like a like a condensed short overview of some of these really essential topics just the thick of it um if that would be helpful if there's a kind of a lot of questions with regards to these things yes the question is if you're traveling throughout the month going city to city so as long as you are moving the whole time within like let's say that let's say if I'm Hanafi and I was 14 days right if I'm moving before those 14 days which has happened to me before like I went to Pakistan I landed in Islamabad then 10 days later I went to Lahore then I came back to Islamabad then I went somewhere else the whole time I'm traveler I'm good um to pray traveler right if you're following the kind of Hanafi does that make sense but in that case in the Hanafi school it's only shortening the prayer that's allowed combining not allowed in the Hanafi school so if somebody decides to do the combining meaning go her usher together Maghrib Isha together then they would say okay I'm following the Shafi ruling on this and then you got three to four days nine to seven four fifteen does that make sense it's a little bit intricate but yeah as long as you're moving like and it's a kind of a not a five minute moving that does anybody know how much how many miles count as formally starting travel yeah 48 roughly yeah 48 miles will count as traveling so um night so if you're doing like two miles ago you get to a destination and then one day you go on like a hike that's two miles away I mean that's not what we're talking about you're moving city to city and there's a there's a distance between them then that would be the case so hopefully that helps um anybody have any other questions questions on yes you should be doing with you in that mudhub which is where this gets tricky right yeah which um so the question was if you are following a different school now of a different mudhub for a traveler prayer let's say right do you do wudu in your mudhub or in that mudhub now the good thing is alhamdulillah that generally speaking it's very very similar it of course like the tenets of wudu are the same but there are requirements in some of the mudhubs that are not there in the others and that's where it becomes important to learn those requirements um I'm not the person to go to to know those requirements right I know I know kind of alhamdulillah what what what we need to do for in Hanafi school but some schools order is really important Hanafi school it's not some school's intention is really important what breaks and invalidates the wudu is different depending on the mudhub um and so uh those things become uh become important to learn yeah yes yeah no no not at all yeah yeah it would be good so the question is if you're if you're making dua like outside of the prayer right yeah so if you're in in the prayer and you fall asleep you've got to you know have to reset um but if you're making dua outside of the prayer and you fall asleep does it invalidate the dua no Allah hears you like Allah always is here listening right so there's no like formal format for which dua kind of has to be done in order for it to count you could be making dua while walking while going to work while thinking right you might not even be articulating it but if you are let's say making dua and you're let's just let's say like for example you're making dua before iftar in Ramadan and everybody's really tired right no like 10 20 minutes before iftar and you're sitting there making dua yeah and then you fall asleep and then someone comes and wakes you up for iftar right it's not that you're whole dua didn't count no of course not you would be you would be okay does that make sense great okay let me see if there's any questions online what if you're working in another city 50 miles away according to some of the opinions you are a traveler every time you go to work um so uh that would be yeah so you'd be okay doing that how many times do you pray and what are the times okay maybe someone's learning um here so yeah you we pray at sun um the first light of the day so beginning the morning right around 6 6 30 a.m then we pray kind of midday right around 12 30 noon um then we pray around uh uh kind of the middle of the afternoon right around 3 p.m 3 30 p.m then we pray at sunset right around 5 30 p.m then we pray at nighttime um kind of when the it's fully dark right around 6 30 7 p.m so that's those are the prayers for the for the Muslims and there's windows right each of what I mentioned basically has a window uh which we're praying uh what about praying seven times praying seven 27 times to a cup of water then drinking I think somebody means like if you read the whoops sorry about that we got that from you okay if somebody reads a do a a number of times and you blow on it let's say that somebody wants to read the fatih three times or seven times and then blow on a cup of water and drink it yeah that's totally fine um and there's there's various evidences in the sun now for you to be able to do that how about for women can they pray outside I I haven't learned that they can't so I believe the answer is yes I don't think that that would not that would be a problem okay great so we'll go ahead and and um just do a final finishing this off I know at the end to kind of turn to a thick discussion um but really the main kind of bringing it back on the focus piece right so just just to recap focus begins with wudu then it's about focusing in the meanings of the adhan we try to reflect on if one limb each time we're making wudu and we try to reflect on one internal trade each time we're making wudu then we try to reflect on the adhan when the adhan is being called what are the meanings of the adhan and what is Allah calling us to we reflect on the day of judgment as we're being called in the adhan and when we do the takbir to ahram the first takbir we toss out everything that is not Allah behind us and we just focus and we orient the qibla just like we do outwardly to mecca inwardly to Allah then we begin we're standing and we reflect on standing before Allah in a state of humility on the day of judgment then we get into the fatihah and we reflect on the meanings of the fatih and we ideally all want to try to learn the meanings memorize the meanings and then learn the commentary of the meanings right in the tafsir then we get into the the surah that we recite and ideally we want to have a handful of surahs that which we know the meanings and we also reflect on those then we go into a state of prostration sorry ruku bowing where we reflect on being humble before Allah and then we we go into a state of sajdah we come back up and we go into a state of sajdah and again we reflect on complete submission to Allah of everything and again a state of humility before Allah and and we reflect on not being arrogant rather but all the arrogance inside of us and the if we have you know the ego and the nuffs inside of us that all of those darkness and did they just leave or the Allah mitigates them right and then where we're sitting we also reflect on a state of submission and humility before Allah and then the prayer you know obviously we repeat those motions multiple times depending on the number of units then it's done and the practical things here is just try to do it a little by little try to have each prayer where we focus on different things till we get to a point where okay after inshallah we're doing all five we'll be able to have focused on different meanings and then we'll have all of the meanings down for all five right different times of will do you focus on different meanings so be slowly get it down slowly get it down and inshallah if we're able to do that we will have really really beautiful luminous prayers and prayers that will be just that will that will maximize our inner light and they'll maximize our potential and though our problems will be removed inshallah because we will be doing things according to the way Allah wants us to do them to do them and then of course there's the outward component we can review in a future time if it's helpful where we want to do it according to these inward rules we just talked about and then we also want to make sure we're doing it according to the outward rules that are legislated by Allah and his messenger sallallahu alayhi sallam and the more we do this the more inshallah we will get close to Allah we will get close to the messenger sallallahu alayhi sallam the more in alignment we are to the messenger sallallahu alayhi sallam the happier life that we will have and the closer we will be to him inshallah on the day of judgment and in the afterlife and we just remember all of this is to help us orient towards the Akhira because that is the real life not just this life that we're in inshallah we're going ahead and here sallallahu alayhi sallam real quick one other question when do you go back to regular prayers when you're at your destination yeah so once you reach your destination and you have reached and back home basically you kind of enter the city limits of your home and you would go back to doing the prayers in the full amount right so if I live in Oakland I land at SFO while I'm at SFO I'm still a traveler as soon as I enter the city limits of Oakland I am back to a resident and no longer a traveler and what mosque is this this is lighthouse okay so go ahead Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim Ya Mujib Ya Allah We ask Ya Allah that you accept us Ya Allah and that you pardon us Ya Allah and that you teach us Ya Allah and that you forgive us Ya Allah and that you give us directly from your light and from the light of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam Ya Allah give us Tufiq to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam Ya Allah give us Tufiq to focus on our prayers and to focus on our du'as and to focus on our stillnesses and in our movements and in our actions Ya Allah and allow our heart to always be oriented towards you and allow our heart in our prayers Ya Allah to be oriented towards you Ya Allah we are caught up in our dunya and in our work and in our life and in our problems and all of the think about Ya'Allah. Please Ya'Allah, don't allow those thoughts to come to us during our prayer Ya'Allah. Please protect us against the shaitan Ya'Allah and against the shayateen during our prayer Ya'Allah and outside of our prayer Ya'Allah. Allow us to focus and allow us to see the state of focus and khushu and hudud and presence with you Ya'Allah abu l-alamin Ya'Allah. This is easy for you Ya'Allah. Ya'Allah don't let our life pass away Ya'Allah such that we are distracted with every other distraction Ya'Allah. Let us instead only be focused on you Ya'Allah abu l-alamin Ya'Allah and let Ya'Allah take care of all of our goals and all of our ambitions and all of the things it is that we intend Ya'Allah. Ya'Allah we ask you to look inside of us Ya'Allah and every anxiety or worry or problem or sickness or difficulty that anybody here is going through or any of our community members or our loved ones or our family members are going through Ya'Allah. Ya'Allah that you remove those difficulties and remove those worries and that you cure those illnesses Ya'Allah. We ask you to pour your Rahmah down upon us Ya'Allah abu l-alamin Ya'Allah. We ask you to pour your Rahmah inside of us Ya'Allah abu l-alamin in our communities and in our hearts and in our families Ya'Allah. Ya'Allah and pour down an immense Sakina Ya'Allah abu l-alamin Ya'Allah. We ask you for everything good that the Prophet SAW asked for and we ask you for protection from everything evil that he asked protection from SAW Mubarak ala Sayyidina Muhammad al-Nabi al-Ummi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi salam alhamdulillah Ya'Allah abu l-alamin, alhamdulillah.


You know what guys need to read?  Why didn't your last relationship work out? Why didn't your last relationship work out? Now, here's what you want to pay attention to. All right, let's get started into those seven questions to ask a guy before become exclusive. And really quickly, this is your warning. This video is only for people who are looking for a serious, fully committed partnership type of relationship. If you're seeking casual, this isn't casual relationship. This video isn't for you. All right, so really quickly, before I jump into this, I want to share with you a conversation I was having with someone this morning about arranged marriages, arranged marriages. And she was asking me, why do you think arranged marriages are so successful, or at least have been perceived as being successful? And I've heard, in some cases, they're not. And yet in many cases, they seem to be more successful. So I thought, what was the reason for this? And it seems to me in the countries that do have arranged marriages, a couple of things are occurring. First off, usually both families know each other, to some degree, they know each other. There's a sense of familiarity. Most likely, they come from relatively the same communities. So they have a support system around them. That's just to name two. Number three, and this was the one that really was the one I was leaning on, is they were both basically, they had to wait till sex to have marriage or excuse me, have marriage before sex. So they were fully committed with each other when they began their relationship. I'm going to repeat that they were fully committed to each other when they began their relationship. And today, we are in a situation of dating where it's so casual. There's so many hookups. There's these starts and stops. There's all these situations of boasting. There's situationships. There's friends with benefits. And I believe here in the United States in particular, we are seeing now the emotional effects, the emotional effects of this repetitive dating process that quite frankly didn't exist 10 years ago the way it is today. And I'd say even the last five years, because of swipe dating, I think swipe applications has literally bastardized the getting to know you process. But let me come back to those arranged marriages because I said something. Their families knew each other. And most likely their friends knew each other. There was a level of accountability in their relationship that doesn't exist in today's relationships. I'm going to repeat that level of accountability. You know the reason why it's so easy to go someone?  Literally, these days, we are meeting total strangers in the dating process. We're meeting total strangers.  Who's going to get on your case?  If I could be there on a first date, I'd have the shotgun ready and pointed at the guys facing. What are your intentions with my little sister? There's a level of intentionality that used to be in the dating process that doesn't exist anymore. There's literally, it's such an ambiguous process.  I'm going to talk about that in a moment. But I want to lean into the seven questions you should ask them because I'm a big believer now in approaching relationships from a monogamous exclusive perspective. I'm going to repeat that, a monogamous exclusive perspective. What I mean to say is if you're going to just think about the arranged marriage, one of the things I said was they were already in a committed relationship. Now I'm not suggesting that you become in a fully committed relationship with the person you meet on a first, second or third date. No, I'm not suggesting the one bit. What I am suggesting though is maybe a commitment to the process of getting to know one another, a commitment to the process of getting to know one another. Given that it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to reach the first layer of trust, the first layer of trust, why not go in it without the gender role expectations? And by the way, if you're not familiar with the book, if the Buddha dated, I highly recommend reading this book. It throws out all the gender roles expectations and say, how can we get to know each other at a heart-centered level? How can we get to know each other at a level of more intentionality, of co-creativeness? That's my invitation for everyone because as I said earlier, we're meeting total strangers. When we know nothing about a person, it's so easy for them to actually hurt us because they're already gone.  By the way, if you're not familiar with the book by Malcolm Gladwell talking to strangers, I highly recommend checking out this book. By the way, most all the books I recommend are in the link below under Jonathan recommends books in the description. Folks, what you need to know about the people you don't know, this cavalier dating process all centered around sex and romance is setting you up for failure. In fact, I think casual sex now is the primary reason why we have a dysfunctional dating process today. I want you to think about this. Roughly, for hundreds of thousands of years, women used to pay a price for casual sex, and that was in the form of a baby.  It wasn't until the birth control pill that everything changed for women.  I'm not at four or against the birth control pill. What I am saying is because of the birth control pill, we now have casual sex, which means casual relationships, which means hookup relationships. And I just started reading a book you may want to check out called The Evolution of Desire. I just started reading this, The Strategies of Human Mating by David Buss, and even as a chapter on casual sex.   And 75 of them said yes. We are literally in a problem. I mean, what's, what can we glean from that? It's already what we already know. Men hyper focus on sex. This is why I've said this before and I'll say it again. Men are the gas, women are the brakes. And ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina, you may want to read the book eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. Because look, again, I told you this video is for those who are seeking a serious relationship and partnership and not something casual, because it's incumbent upon you to now do what's known as hardballing, hardballing. This is my recommendation for you take it for what it worth. This may sound pure, it's an advice, but this is in your favor because of birth control. It's made it so easy for men to have casual sex without, by the way, without any repercussions because there isn't a nine month delivery charged later, that means you have to take care of maybe a baby and the other person. And I think it's really important understand this. Again, if you want casual sex, knock yourself out. I'm okay with that. I'm just here speaking to those that are looking for something more. So let's talk about those seven questions to ask them before you get exclusive bump, bump, bump. All right. By the way, as the folks is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know by posting a comment saying this is resonating with you so far. So these are for both men and women to ask. This isn't singular for women men. Listen, ladies, what you ask the men, you should be asking yourself or at least volunteering the information yourself as well. And the first one is going to be a doozy. It's going to be a doozy. And this is for those who are seeking an exclusive monogamous relationship. And number one is, do you have my back? Do you have my back? What this is demonstrating is does this person care about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings? This is all about trust. And trust isn't about fidelity. Trusting is, well, this person actually care about my feelings because I don't have my tribe anymore. I don't have my village. I don't have my town protecting me. I only have myself. I'm speaking as you ladies. Again, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there. So think about this. It's not can you trust this person is asking the man, do you have my back? Now let me tell you something. Ladies for the men who are casual, they will run away like a sprinter in an Olympic race. Okay. Do you have my back? No matter what? Now again, this is this guys will say this before sex. They'll make all the promises in the world. We know this. We know this is called love bombing. We know this is called coming on strong. This is why the process needs to inviting everyone to slow down the process and take the romance piece out and actually get to know each other at a friendship level. This is why it's about not the man leading or the woman leading. This is why it's taking it as a two lane street. And if you ask him the question, you have my back no matter what a sincere, genuine guy will pause. And you know what? He may answer, I don't know yet. And that's okay. That's at least an honest answer. If the guy jumps in and says, yes, really quickly before you've had sex, that's a warning sign. Because how can you have someone's back that you barely know? Keep in mind, everybody is a stranger. And number two, the second question. Why didn't your last relationship work out? Why didn't your last relationship work out? Now here's what you want to pay attention to. Listen for anger, resentment, judgment, criticism or throwing their previous partner under the bus. Believe me, you ladies do this habitually. I can't tell you, I'm just giving you the narrative of what I hear as a man out there. Every woman has dated 10 narcissists.  When actual narcissistic personality disorder is only about 2% of the population, but every man woman has dated a narcissist. Look at every human being is selfish. Listen, men are selfish because you offer up sex so freely and easily. I said this in my weekend video, literally online dating has replaced the ability need to go to a prostitute because all we have to do is just pretend we want a relationship with you. We can just pretend it and you'll just cough it up. I'm sorry, I'm getting off track on what the question was, so I apologize. But noodle on that one for a second. That kind of is a stink. If they complain about their past relationship, that's a person who hasn't healed. And that's a person that has is most likely emotionally stunted to actually be in a relationship. It takes healing. It takes closure and the ability to move on and say, you know what, no matter what happened, listen, we both had our differences and we moved on and you don't need to get into the particulars. But boy, if you or they are throwing their partner into the bus and ladies, you've been with men. And by the way, you listen to men throwing their partner into the bus and you go, I'll be his hero or heroin, I should say, big, big, big mistake. Don't do that. All right. Number three, how much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? How much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? This is all about emotional responsibility. And by the way, transparency means if it's material to the relationship, if it's material to the relationship, how transparent do you want to be? How many, how much of my feelings do you want to hear? Ask these questions. Ask these deeper questions instead of, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm really looking forward to hearing about your day, the from Kramer from Seinfeld. Ladies, you guys spend more time talking on text messaging about how your day is instead of the real deep stuff needed. God, I'm yelling. I get wound up, folks. Let me tone it down a little bit. I get wound up. Again, that wound up because I hear over and over again, the disappointment many of you feel, and I'm thinking to myself, there's a hole in the sidewalk.  Listen, if you ever want to have a chance at a healthy, happy relationship, you have to take ownership of your life because you can't count on a man to do that for you. You have to be in charge of your relationship destiny. But Jonathan, all I'm supposed to do is sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead and claim me. Really? Is this working?   You're not my type of clientele. I want to work with those women who are looking to co-create a relationship. I forgot to bring out my book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. This will change your life. How much transparency do you feel you need in the relationship? Great question to ask. Number four, what do you consider cheating? Now, you think about this question, but when a man says this out loud, it's harder for him to do it. What I mean is when a person actually defines what's cheating to them, makes it very hard for them to cheat on you. In other words, do you think cheating is, um, we're in a relationship together. We're fully exclusive. And if you sleep with another person, is that cheating? You ask him that. By the way, if he says no, it makes, by the way, men do have a default morality with them. Most guys, not all guys, but most guys have a default morality. They will, if you, if they have now said sleeping with someone else while being exclusive and monogamous with you is cheating, then they're more likely to break up with you before they sleep with someone. I'm not saying they will. I'm saying more likely. Okay. Men can have a default, a default morality with them. Not all, but many, most. Okay. And so you want to get a, and by the way, think of all these questions for yourself as well. Okay. Number five, what if any personal development, self-help therapy, or spiritual work have you done? And are you currently doing? What if any personal development, self-help, spiritual work, or therapy have you done or you currently don't doing? First off, everyone, if you haven't purchased my book, what the heck is self-love anyway, it's a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. And it's an ongoing process. People that do some level of personal development, self-help, spiritual work, introspective work on a regular basis tend to be better partners. They tend to want to work on a relationship together. If somebody is at least some therapy, and by the way, going to a marriage counselor once or twice is not therapy. I'm talking about healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. If you're not familiar with the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing wounds. And I highly recommend you doing the work because then you'll know what to look for within a guy. This book is got a plethora of so much individual growth for yourself. You'll be able to recognize the men who have done the work. Because the sixth follow-up question is, are you open to relationship counseling if needed? By the way, a guy, I mean, he'll hear this and go, we don't need relationship counseling. We have the love of a lifetime. We have a love that's going to survive. You don't need to listen to Jonathan Asley's advice because we are so magically in love with each other that this is going to transcend all other relationships.  You know what guys need to read?  They need to be reading how to be an adult in relationship because you guys, listen, ladies, I'm talking to the men right now, men, women purchase these books nine to 10 fold greater than you.     It's time to be an adult in relationship.   And ladies, you can't count on the men doing that for you. You've got to be the breaks. You've got to be the breaks for yourself because let me tell you something. All of the dating right now is wearing on everyone emotionally. Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so it's incumbent upon you to take care to be in charge of your relationship destiny. You can't count on the guys. And if you're not following the advice on this video or purchasing these books or at least purchase eight dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, you only have yourself to blame after watching this video because you can't blame it on the guys anymore. No, ladies, those of you follow my work. You've been listening to me enough now. You know the game plan here. And I'll talk about in a moment what's the real problem with dating in a second, but we're going to talk about this seventh and last piece or question to ask. How can I trust you? How can I trust you? Folks, I just talked about trust in the first one and we want to follow up with this. How can I trust you? Because this trust isn't about fidelity. Trust is about, does your actions match your words? Do you have victim consciousness or victim consciousness or victim consciousness? Do you know how to fight there? Do you have empathy? Not just for me, but for everyone and yourself. And are you transparent? These are the signs of an emotionally mature person. And if you ask a guy, how can I trust you? Listen to his answer. Because I don't even, I'll be candid with you. This is a tough one. How can you demonstrate trust? Well, I've called you on time every single time I've called you. Okay. Well, that's at least a start. Okay.  Otherwise, you ain't going to get the cookies. And I'm here. I'm being Steve Harvey, Puritan 90 days or whatever. I'm saying invest at least 100 hours of face to face time to the people that haven't done this amount of work. If you're dating a man who's done this much work, he's showing up as a grownup. It's going to be relatively easy for you. Won't even have to listen to my videos anymore. But ladies, it's time to hardball. I call it radical honesty. This is what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link below to get a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So seven questions to ask them before becoming exclusive. Do you have my back? No matter what, why did your last relationship or marriage not work out? I forgot to mention marriage. How much transparency do you feel you need in a relationship? What do you consider cheating? What if any personal development, self-help therapy, or spiritual work have you done or currently doing? Are you open to relationship counseling if needed? And lastly, how can I trust you? Yeah, how can I trust you? You see, you can't count on men. Most men are good guys. They're just bad daters. And yeah, there are some really genuinely sincere, emotionally grown up men, small percentage. Most everyone else you got to weed out.  Let me just tell you something. Your men and women are equally dysfunctional. You equally have bad relationship skills. Thankfully, those of you following my channel are doing more work than most, but I'm going to tell you something. You're no picnic either. And I say this as a single man out there. Because you know what the problem with dating is today? I put together a list. I want you to lean into what I'm about to share here. I want to lean into what I'm about to share here today. The problems with dating, mating, or relating today, unintentional or ambivalent with effort, equally men and women, unintentional, ambivalent with the effort they put in. Number two, overvaluing one's ability to attract what they desire. Many of you are overvaluing your ability to attract what you desire. Noodle on that for a second. Number three, lack of good relationship skills. Many of you, and by the way, I'm talking equally men and women here. Terrible relationship skills. Emotionally unhealthy people seeking connection. Oh my god, that's a recipe for disaster. All of the emotionally unhealthy people seeking connection. Not to mention the selfish people or the predatory people out there. Yes. Undervaluing sex.  And I said earlier, meeting strangers and then sex and romance before trust and commitment. And the paradox of choice. We think we have all these choices because of these devices. These aren't choices. These are just faces on a screen. And then, of course, sifting through too many people causes burnout. And too many short-lived connections can create emotional discord for oneself. And let me, I have two more. Unresolved or unhealed past relationships or ongoing discourse with a past relationship or family members, including children. These are all the problems with dating, mating relating. So what's the solution? The solution is develop a relationship with yourself. That's the most important thing. Heal your childhood wounds and traumas. Learn better communication skills. Resolve your past relationships. Do the opposite of everything I said. Be intentional in the process instead of being ambivalent. I look at you ladies, dating profiles, and I want to vomit at how terrible of effort you put in there. And men are just, I was just looking at men, the fish and everything is equally bad. Most of you, you only have yourselves to blame or at least take ownership of. I know you don't like hearing this. I think you just like to hear, it's just all peaches and creams and rosy flowers and everything. No. It's time to wake up. And there's only one solution here. Find that beautiful relationship within yourself. Find that beautiful space within yourself that you find your happiness and you've done the healing. You've done the work. And when you've done the healing and done the work, then put out that magnetic call for someone who meets you where you're at. Because when you meet someone who meets you where you're at, the process is going to be so much easier than this dysfunctional way, this current dysfunctional way of dating, mating and relating.   You're in charge of your relationship destiny.   But also guess what? You might be in that 20% category that actually is blessed enough to find a good solid relationship. And then of that 20%, 20% of those have a juicy, delicious relationship. Most human beings are in very dysfunctional relationships. And again, if you enter in dysfunctionally, garbage in garbage out. All right, that's my two cents. I might have ruffled some feathers today. Did this make sense? Did this resonate with you this entire narrative I went off today? I hope it did post a comment. All right. Also, if you find value in this, please check out the links to a free discovery call my group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis for just a few dollars a month. Also, check out my podcast, the What Would Love Do podcast, check me out on Instagram. And you can also get a free gift at my website. And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot at the merit of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Leanna and Linda and Mary Ann.


There's no reef there. There's nothing for us. We're here in Bowen on Jiru Country and this is our totem. The turtle is a gungu and the snake, our gubbler moonda. We're land and sea rangers. We go out doing turtle tagging. We measure them and then we lift them up and we weigh them. We sit there and we talk to it. We pad it and we wipe it down, wipe its eyes. We check for any fibro papilloma.  It's so important to me to learn about what I do on countries so then I can go back and I can tell my family and my grandkids and then when they get older I would rather them come in and do something too. We also work with field management ranges up and down the coast. I grew up learning about marine biology and doing boating and diving and I wanted to work in that kind of environment and help protect what we've got out there. In marine parks we look after wildlife in I guess a holistic way. We're looking after the habitat of a lot of animals. We're looking after the marine park, the reef, the islands and we're trying to ensure that there's good habitat for those animals to be surviving. On a typical day in the field we might jump in the water and do some reef health impact surveys. We look after things like coral bleaching, coral disease and crown of thorns starfish, marine animal strandings so when turtles or mammals wash up on the beaches. I feel very privileged to be able to be contributing to the conservation of such an amazing place especially one that showcases a lot of natural beauty natural values of the Great Barrier Reef and the islands.


Why do you think Spider-Man is such an important part of the MCU? Because there may be a little divorce happening. No, this is the first time I've heard of it. Save Spider-Man? I'm crestfallen. Save? What's happening? I didn't know any of this. So Sony and Marvel are having a hard time coming to terms on the agreement to co-produce Spider-Man. So it's looking like Spider-Man may go back to Sony and not be part of the MCU anymore. I'm not a business person.  Whatever you say is Greek to me. But to all these mountains of Brodochore and I don't know, it'll all work out, I'm sure. Hey, good luck. I'll figure it out. And then maybe more Jurassic World for the third. I can't say anything, but I can't say anything. I can't say it. Who's your favorite Disney princess? Besides you, let me see. Well, I do like a part of their world. One of those things called, oh yeah, feet.