What's going on, everyone? Sam here with Layton's sports cards, Rippin' 22, Panini Elite Extra Edition Baseball Hobby, five box break number six, Random Team Style. Here's a look again at your random results. As always, you can find those on the website under the results tab, as well as the link that's in the chat. So good luck here, everybody. Again, all mainly going to go with the college tickets and the Dominican Baseball League, Dominican Prospect League will be the ones that potentially will go to the non-MLB spots. We will look them all up and it will get double-checked and sorting and shipping just to make sure that someone is on that team or is not on a team. So that's pretty much how that one will go. JR Richie, nice one there for the Braves. We've got Josh Jung for the Rangers Future Threads to 199. Yeah, Carl PC's Aaron Judge. Aaron Judge. There's Jeff Branigan going to the Pirates. Nice one there, Pittsburgh. We've got Cooper Azier for the Cardinals to 999. And Red Dica, Andrew Taylor to 125 for the Astros. That's not bad. There you go, Carl. Yeah, Carl does PC, Aaron Judge. And most Yankees too. Most Yankees you can definitely convince Carl to buy. Gabriel Hughes. Nice one here. We've got, A, Tamar Johnson. That is 35 of 49 for the Pirates. Congrats on that, Pittsburgh. There you go, Pirates. It's going to say, Sheila Gerais, your eyes. Nice one there, Lester. Congrats, buddy. Sheila Gerais though, Carl. We've got Ben Joyce, Noyce Joyce, 54 of 65 for the Angels. Josh Katzovich to 499. And Tristan Veerling to 200. There's Blair, was that? Are those movies? I'm assuming Aliens and the Alien. I have no idea. There's Drew Gilbert trying to push the Yankees on people. Oh yeah. Dylan, let's go. Oh, I didn't know he was in this. That's awesome. Let's go into the Padres. Let's go, dude. Let's go. Xavier Isaac for the Rays. Nice one there. As well as the Well Joseph to 499. And Mason Flirty, I'm assuming. What's up, Sin? Dylan, let's go. Let's get louder. Heck yeah, for the Padres. Tristan Veerling for the Mets. Nice one there. On the On-Card Auto. We've got a Gabriel Rinconis that is going to the Phillies. Yeah, Inspire. And Jonathan Cannon to 349. Chad, you couldn't tell with the ground shook a little bit. Let's go. Anthony Hall for the 3PC Yankees. Anthony Hall. Carl PC's Aaron Judd. Oh yeah. That's why I kept saying it illegal. Yeah, Carl's from Mass Big Red Sox guy, but he PC's Aaron Judd for some strange reason. I don't know why. I guess he wanted to pick a winner. There's Chase the Lotter. Nice one there. That's a Guardian card. Dominic Keegan for the Rays. Nice one there. Congrats, Rays. Tampa. We've got Ennir Sepeda that is Dominican Prospect League. Ennir Sepeda. Now, he's threatened to throw a top loader at me. And I did blink. I will say that. Ennir Sepeda. Ennir Sepeda. Yeah, I feel like Carl's gonna throw you. I know. Ennir Sepeda does not look like he's on a team, so I think that's gonna go non-MLB. Yeah, you like it, Inspire. I appreciate it, buddy. That is Ryan Ritter going to the Rockies through 999. And Green, Max Wagner for the Orioles, the 499. 499 is Max Wagner. Is Cutter Coffee for the Red Sox. We've got a Josoud Demais for the Demais baseball. Let's see. Uncommitted free agent, so that'll go random. Or not random, but go to the non-MLB spot. Clark Elliott. Nice one there, going to the Athletics. Congrats, Oakland. Nice one there for John W on that combo spot. Bryson Moth for the Cardinals, and a Noah Dean for the Red Sox to 999. Gavin Cross. Nice one there. We've got Jose Mejia for the, again, Dominican Prospects League. Jose Mejia. Finally, Statistics. That's a different Jose Mejia. I think this is gonna go for the Reyes. I believe he is a Reye. He is part of the Blake Snell Trade, actually. I think that'll go Reyes. Connor Prilip. Nice one there to 19, 16 of 19 for the Twins. Jared McKenzie to 499, and Reid Venskader to 50 for the Marys. Bunch of spots coming in. Thank you guys. Pretty much, James. Gavin Cross. We've got Jacob Reimer. Nice one there, Jacob Reimer. Elite Extra Edition Auto, as well as a Christopher Passiola going to the Cubs on the Prospect Materials. Jersey Auto. Player worn there. Got Luke Gold for the Tigers, and that is Yasmele Ramirez. He was confirmed to be an international guy. George Brett, Stars of the MLB. Let's go, illegal. Render Cox for the Nats. We've got a Cade Horton. Cade Horton is, I believe, the Cubs, I want to say. Again, these will all be double-checked and looked up and sorting and shipping, so should be good to go, especially the LA's, the New York's, and the Chicago's. We've got Andrew Taylor going to the Astros on the On-Card. Nice one there, Andrew Taylor. Brock Jones for the Reyes to 499, and Reid, Drew Gilbert for the Astros on the Dicuff to 177 on the Prime Numbers. Jonathan Cannon. That's a cool one right there. We've got Felix Moravell. That is to 199. Felix Moravell. Looks like Angels for Felix Moravell. Angels. Short stop for the Angels. Bryson Mottz. Dylan Wright. Bryson Mottz, again, with the Cardinals. Dylan Wright for the Diamondbacks to 999, and Troy Melton for the Tigers to 499. Box number three. Felix needs more cowbell. There's Matt McLean. Next time I meet that guy, Felix, I'm going to say, hey, are you more an alarm? He'll be like, nah, Moravell. Are you an alarm, Felix? Nah, Moravell. Reggie Crawford for the Giants. I don't know if I get it. Nice one there for the Giants. Got Jacob Waters going to the A's to 230. Ashton Izzy to 499 for the Mariners on the Green, and Dicop. Prime numbers, Nate Savino for the Diamondbacks to 209. Still trying to process it here? Yeah. Alarm bell. Yeah. Hey, Felix, are you an alarm? No, I'm Moravell. Moravell. I got Moravell. I'm Moravell. It's a Rage, but it's fine. Judd Fabian for the Orioles, for the Gator. Got Caden Wallace to 31. That's 28 of 31. Going to the Royals. Nice one there, KC. Followed by Ryan Ritter going to the Rockies on the Elite Extra Edition Auto, former Kentucky Wildcat. Blue, that is for the Diamondbacks. Devisan De Los Santos to 349. And Dicott is a Junior Caminero to 999 for the Rays on the Deckade. Tucker Toman for the Blue Jays. Got Noah Schultz going to the White Sox on the Future Threads. Nice one there, bit of a pinch, right? Cade Horton for the I believe Cubs again, that is due 299. Cubs or Whites, obviously Cubs or White Sox, I'm not 100% sure. Clark Elliott for the A's and Blake Tidwell to 299. Thank you, illegal. Illegal likes the way my mind works. So I was trying to come up with a new creative funny thing. Gabriel Gonzalez for the Marys. Trying to pump some life into this. There's Chase Petty for the Reds. Nice one there on the Hidden Gems Auto. We've got Ignacio Alvarez, nice one there. That's going to the Braves. Got Kobe Thomas to 999 for the Athletics. And Prime Numbers of Enyar Sepeda to 185, the DPL. Just like a 3D card keeps screaming at my face, that's funny. For the Charge of Prey, that's great. Cooper Hazer, got Tyler Schweitzer, I know that for sure is the White Sox. Nice one there. We've got Yasmul Ramirez, I did look this up last break. He is a DPL prospect still. Yasmul Ramirez. Eric De La Cruz to 499 on the Green. And Sal Stewart for the Reds. Prime Numbers to 215. No results found. Some PYT spots coming in. Mega Dual K spots coming in as well. So thank you guys, appreciate it. And we are getting closer and closer to selling out tonight. Going to be fun. Next one we've got to fill, I think we still have a few spots left in that prism draft and fast break mixer. Then a couple of 10 box mixer, basketball mixers as well. Then some football PYTs as well as a full case divisional of 21 immaculate football. Sterling Thompson, college ticket for Florida. There's Reggie Crawford again for the Giants. Otto is going to be Christopher Pasciola for the Cubs. That is 87 of 97 on the On Card. Nice one there, Cubs. Trey Lips going for the Nats to 499. And Justin Boyd for the Reds to 999. Gabriel Hughes, Gonzaga. Do not know they had a baseball. That is Ricky Tiedman going to the Blue Jays hidden gems. Nice prospect hit there. For the Astros, Nolan Davos. That is five out of 60. Nice one there on the Prime Numbers Auto for Houston. We've got Blue Drake Baldwin to 349 for the Braves and Prime Numbers Dillon. Let's go. So 133 for the Padres. Sam, I'll tell you this one time tonight. Stop it.   We've got, okay, we're on the side again here. Owen Murphy is going to be for the Braves and the Refractor. Got Noah Schultz going to the White Sox on the Future Threads jersey card. We've got Jet Williams. Jet the Met. Going to the Mets. Jet the Met. Cole Young for the Mariners and Stephen Zobac for the Royals. Honestly, he's the one guy I hope stays in New York his entire career. So I can keep saying it. Jet the former Met. That's what I'll start saying. So there you go. That answers your question there, friend. Dillon, let's go. One of one. Going to the Rangers. Tommy Spect. Nice one there. Jason H with the Rangers. Uno de uno. Let's go. One of one. That's nasty. That's like a prismatic. That's so cool. We'll get that magged up for you. Henry Williams for the Padres, 13 out of 65. We've got Christian Monroe to 4.99 and Connor Prelip to 2.99. Prelip for the Twins and Monroe, I believe, for the Angels. Chase the Water for the Guardians. Nice. We've got Hunter Patterson. That is for the Royals. Followed by a Belfry Rivera for the Dominican Prospect League. 107 out of 149. We've got a Belfry Rivera. What is that baseball? What's up, Ken? Put some spect on his name. That's awesome. Belfry Rivera looks like still DPL. I can't find anything on him. Looks like it's still DPL. Again, that'll be looked up again by Sorting and Chipping. Jacob Melton for the Astros to 4.99. And turn of the Century to 122. Mason Flaherty. Chat is out of control, even without you. Dodgers? Is it Dodgers? Belfry Rivera, baseball for, let's see, Dodgers. I'm still going to let that one get looked up because I can't say for sure that that is for the Dodgers. It's just not coming up. Belfry Rivera is not coming up. So we'll just double check on that one. Might be the Dodgers. I just can't see it unfortunately. Thank you, Oren. Sold us out on Immaculate Tiered. Thank you, buddy. That is now sold out. That's awesome. That's going to be fun. We'll have to listen to the little leskos, so yeah. That'll be something. I'll come up with something on the fly for you to satisfy that. We've got a counter-prelip. There's Kevin Pirata for the Max 94 out of 199 on the year 2022 Jersey Car. Well his auto for the Diamondbacks, Devisin De Los Santos is a Carlos Jorge for the Reds to 349. And prime numbers is Yefri Carrasco. Yefri Carrasco to 85. There's a Kumar Rocker. We've got a Hidden Gems, Dale and Wile. Nice one there for the Nationals. Well as a Nate Furman for the Guardians, Elite Extra Edition Base Auto. Got Josh White for the Marlins. And Jesus Galleves for the Dodgers to 499. Jet Williams. Jet the Met. That's Gabriel Hughes for the Rockies. Nice one there. We've got Jacob Berry on the Gold College Ticket, 76 of 99. Jacob Berry. I think he's Marlins. But let me double check. Yep, for Miami Marlins. That'll go Marlins. Nice one there. We've got Alex Freeland for the Dodgers and a Nolan Davos for the Astros. That is to 499 and 185. Two to go. Do a quick recap after as well. From there, Jayce Jung going to the Tigers. Jay Allen for the Reds. Nice one there. Congrats Cincinnati. Jay Allen. As well as a Luke Gold that's going to the Tigers. That is Jose Frias to 349. And Gavin Cross for the Royals to 299. Yeah, I feel that giant. It's gotten a lot of mixed reviews from people. It's gotten a lot of mixed reviews. I can't say you're alone in that opinion whatsoever. Robbie Snelling for the Padres. Got Tyler Schweitzer going to the White Sox. Nice one there, the extra addition auto. As well as a Yarlon Soto for the Dominican prospect league at Yarlon Soto. Or Warlin Soto. God, it's giving me one Soto now. I'm not one Soto. Yarlon. Not one. I don't mind one. Try typing it in quotation. Gotcha. Makes sense right there. Zero results. I'm going to say probably a go into the non-baseball spot. I'm Warlin Soto. We've got Chase Midroth for the Red Sox to 499. And a Eduardo Beltre to 185. I know that one for sure is going to be a to the non-MOV. So good luck. That'll do it for the break guys. We'll do a quick recap here. We've got Jersey's first, Gabriel Hughes, Kevin Perotta, Noah Schultz, Reggie Crawford, Noah Schultz, Reggie Crawford, Felix Morabelle, Kate Horton, Dylan Lesko, and Josh Jung. Don't like hitting anybody more than Lesko. Warlin Soto, Tyler Schweitzer, Luke Gold, Jay Allen, Jacob Berry, Nate Furman, Daylen Lyle, Devison De Los Santos, Velfrey Rivera, Hunter Patterson, Henry Williams, Jet Williams, Noah Davos, Ricky Tiedman, Christopher Passiola, there's Yosemel Ramirez, Tyler Schweitzer, Ignacio Alvarez, Chase Petty, Kate Horton, Brian Ritter, Kaden Wallace, Jacob Waters, Bryson Mottz, Andrew Taylor, Christopher Passiola, Jacob Reimer, Connor Freelip, Jose Mejia, Clark Elliott, Josue DeMay, Enniar Sepeda, Dominic Keegan, Gabriel Roncones, Tristan Veerling, Xavier Isaac, Ben Joyce, Tamara Johnson to 49, and a Jack Ranigan. And we had a one of one Tommy Spect. So that'll do it for the break guys. Thanks again for the fill. Next up we've got, we've got a, and


Optical remote sensing sensors play a crucial role in international landscape and heritage documentation, contributing to digital 3D mapping, conservation, and research through continuous development of new sensors, data capture methodologies, and multi-resolution 3D representations. This article was authored by Fabio Riemondino.


wine. If I ever write a biography, it will be titled The Story of My Life in Two Drinks, not Three, Two, Wine and Coffee. My name is Sam Vaknin. I'm the author of Malignance of Love, Narcissism Revisited. I'm a former visiting professor of psychology in Southern Federal University in Vostov-on-Don in Russia until the war. And I'm also a member of the faculty of CIAPS, Commonwealth for International Advanced Professional Studies in Cambridge, UK, Canada and Lagos, Nigeria. So now you know everything there is to know about me. It's almost a dating profile and a proper dating. We are going to discuss the shared fantasy. And we can discuss a very interesting topic. Why does narcissistic abuse see, why does it end after the shared fantasy is definitively, definitely over? What in the shared fantasy triggers abusive misconduct? So first of all, those of you, for those of you who don't know what a shared fantasy is, there are quite a few videos here over the last few years about the concept of shared fantasy and its and how I applied it to the field of narcissistic abuse. I recommend that you watch these videos. I will place in the description, the description is under the video, not above the video, I'll place in the description a link to the most comprehensive introduction to the shared fantasy. But back to our question, while in the shared fantasy, the narcissist is very abusive, very coercive, very unpleasant, very antagonistic, very disagreeable. But then, once the shared fantasy is over, suddenly the narcissist becomes amicable, passable, acceptable, even in some cases, agreeable. Wait a minute, you say that is not true. My shared fantasy with the narcissist was over and he still continued to harass me, to stalk me, to humiliate me, to insult me, to threaten me, you're wrong. Even when the shared fantasy is over, it's not over yet. The abuse, I mean. Well, that's because when the shared fantasy is over, you think it's over. Actually, you're getting it wrong. The shared fantasy, the fact that lady sings, only when the fat lady sings. The shared fantasy is over, long after you perceive it as over. It continues in the narcissist's mind. It survives there. It evolves. It mutates. It becomes, it assumes all kinds of guises and disguises and camouflages, but it's still there. The shared fantasy is a dynamic entity that rarely ends when the physical separation occurs.  And as long as the idealized introject survives, shared fantasy is alive and kicking and well. The shared fantasy metamorphosizes and mutates inside the narcissist's mind. It can become a paranoid shared fantasy, where you are the narcissist's enemy and persecutory object. It can become an anticipatory shared fantasy, where the narcissist fully believes that the breakup, the divorce, it's temporary. It's going to be soon reversed. You're going to be back together and things are going to be, are going to proceed as they've always done. So anticipatory shared fantasy, shared fantasy in the future. The shared fantasy can evolve or mutate into a courting shared fantasy. That's when the narcissist starts to court you, to flirt with you. It's part of hovering, but sometimes it's not about hovering you. It's about reaffirming the existence in the narcissist's demented and diseased mind of a continuance of the shared fantasy. It's as if the narcissist is telling himself, as long as she grants me access to her, it means we are still okay. So that's the courting shared fantasy. And then there's a nostalgic shared fantasy. The nostalgic shared fantasy is the mirror image of the anticipatory shared fantasy. Anticipatory shared fantasy. We're going to be back together. It's only a question of time. This is a hiatus. It's temporary. It's a transient phase. I will break up our divorce. It's just a bump in the road. The nostalgic shared fantasy harks back to the good old times, the wonderful moments we had together, the closeness and intimacy and togetherness and sharing. So it's nostalgic. You see, when you break up with the narcissist, when he has discarded you or you walked off, walked away, cleverly, when you broke up with the narcissist and established a no contact rule or no contact zone. That's your part. That's your end of the bargain. He doesn't oblige the narcissist to anything. As far as the narcissist is concerned, you're still very much his intimate partner. And the shared fantasy is still very much valid and applicable. The only thing is, it has transformed. It changed its shape. It shape shifted. So now the shared fantasy progresses and continues and proceeds but in a different form or a different shape. And that's why you find it very difficult to understand why the narcissist keeps perpetuating the same dynamics, same old dynamics with you even though you're no longer together. You're apart. You got remarried. You moved to another country 4000 miles away. Nothing changes because the narcissist has never interacted with you as an external object. All these interactions were with an internal representation of you in his mind, your idealized interjection. So when I say that narcissistic abuse ceases, stops, ends only when the shared fantasy is definitely over. I mean the original shared fantasy is over and all its mutations, transformations and manifestations in the narcissist's mind, longer after you broke up with him, long after he has discarded you. It takes sometimes years, sometimes even decades. But it's indisputable that when the shared fantasy has reached its natural or abnormal end, when there are no longer any active representations of the shared fantasy in the narcissist's mind, the narcissist is no longer paranoid about you, no longer anticipates getting back together, no longer courts you, is no longer nostalgic or has been modified by you. When any of these happen, when the shared fantasy is done with, kaput dead in the ground, buried, never to be resurrected. The narcissistic abuse stops instantly and or die from one minute to another. Why? What in the shared fantasy triggers narcissistic abuse? The shared fantasy ends definitively, terminated only via modification, successful devaluation of the narcissist, usually by betraying him in some way, sexually, financially, betray his confidence, so betrayal, modification or appropriation. When your idealized introject in the narcissist's mind is taken over by someone else's introject by a substitute maternal figure. Only in these three cases is the shared fantasy definitely irrevocably, finally, utterly, unmitigatedly over. Modification, having been betrayed by you and appropriation when your introject is taken over by someone else's introject. Okay? Once the shared fantasy is switched off, the abuse stops instantly and thoroughly. Why is that? The maltreatment within the shared fantasy is refrained by the narcissist. Narcissist would not agree with you that he is being abusive, that he is being coercive, that his behavior is not okay. He wouldn't agree with you, absolutely not. What the narcissist does, he reframes his abuse, his coercion, his mistreatment, he reframes it. And he calls it, for example, tough love. Or he would say that his abuse is reactive.  Or he would cast the abuse as a test of loyalty and allegiance. I'm abusing you and pushing you, pushing the envelope. I'm testing to see how far I can go without utterly alienating you and losing you. Or the narcissist would cast his misbehavior, his misconduct as the outcome, the inevitable, ineluctable, utterly predictable and accepted and expected outcome of disillusionment, disillusionment with an exposure of the partner. What we call, in one word, devaluation. So let's recap. The narcissist regards narcissistic abuse as tough love. Actually, I'm doing it for you. It's for your own good. I'm educating you. I'm edifying you. I'm growing you up. I'm helping you to develop. I am training you to survive in a hostile world, et cetera, et cetera. So tough love. He casts narcissistic abuse as reactive. My partner has abused me first or was just reacting. She provoked me. She made me do it. As a test of loyalty and allegiance, I wanted to see how far I can go without her betraying me, without me losing her. Test of loyalty and allegiance. Or the outcome of disillusionment with the partner. An exposure of the partner is somehow inferior, disappointing and frustrating, devaluation. And before any of you starts with this interminable nonsense, whenever I say he, it's also she. There's an equal number of female narcissists. Men and women are equally represented in pathological narcissism. I'm using he for convenience sake, death, and also because it's the literary convention. Read some books. It will do you good. Okay. So the narcissist reframes his abuse. He wouldn't agree with you that he's being abusive. He would say that his behavior is actually an expression of love, a manifestation of caring and empathy and compassion and affection. It's a problem there because throughout the shared fantasy, as long as it's alive somehow, whether you're there physically or gun, it doesn't matter as I've just explained. As long as the shared fantasy is active and dynamic in the narcissist's mind, in his mind, mind you, his abuse continues. His abuse of you continues. And yet he doesn't see anything wrong in his choices, decisions, behaviors and misbehaviors. It's even worse. The abuse is a form of catechesis. It's a form of emotional investment. It is a pattern of attempts to coercively align you, the external object with the idealized internal object in order to maintain the idealization. I'm going to repeat this because it's complicated because I adore the sound of my voice. So the narcissist perceives abuse as a necessary behavior, not even a necessary evil, just a necessary behavior. The narcissist abuses you in order to idealize you. Now I know this sounds completely insane. Could it be, could it, could the reason be that the narcissist is insane? Perish the thought of course is not. Wine break. I'm whining a lot lately. So the narcissist abuses a form of catechesis. The abuse, when the narcissist abuses you, he tries to coerce you, to shoehorn you, to force you.   When there is a big divergence, when there's a big gap or an abyss between you as an external object and your representation in the narcissist's mind, the introject, this creates discomfort, acute discomfort, dissonance, internal conflict in the narcissist's mind. He needs you to conform 100% with the internal object.   So this is the aim of the abuse, but how does the narcissist experience this?  The narcissist has an idealized version of you in his mind, the snapshot. It's idealized. In his mind, you're perfect, you're super intelligent, you're drop dead gorgeous and so on. He wants you to be all these things also externally, in reality, so as to prevent a constant dissonance. So in his mind, he's doing your favor. He is making you an elevated version of yourself. He's idealizing you externally, not only internally. The abuse is for your own good. In short, the narcissist is emotionally invested in abusing you because he believes that this is proof of love, evidence of caring. He assumes the role of a guru, father, or a teacher, or a mentor in order to push you to become a better you. So the abuse is emotionally infused with paternal feelings, maternal feelings. The narcissist experiences this abuse as a form of love. The narcissist labels idealization as profound love because it is a reciprocal process. When the narcissist idealizes you, he also idealizes himself, core idealization. And when he idealizes himself, he feels loved by you, loved by your maternal introject. I'm going to repeat this and this time only because it's very important. When the narcissist idealizes you as a mother figure, it means that he is also ideal.   So when the narcissist idealizes you, he photoshopps your snapshot and then he owns this ideal figure, this ideal introject, it makes him ideal.  This is core idealization. But when the narcissist idealizes himself because he now owns you an idealized introject, he feels loved by you.  It's an integral part of unconditional love.  Narcissist confounds and conflates and confuses the process of core idealization with the real McCoy, reciprocal, mature love. When you ask the narcissist, do you love your intimate mother? He would say beyond words, of course, I love her. She's ideal. What is it not to love? And when you ask the narcissist, does she love you back? Of course she does. She's with me, isn't she? And she's ideal. She could have been with anyone, but she chose me because she thinks I'm ideal too. That's the way the narcissist perceives abuse. He abuses you in order to idealize you and he idealizes you in order to feel loved. And when he feels loved, he feels the love is reciprocated. That's the chain. But here, there's a fly in the ointment, a big fly in the ointment. Fly cannot be ignored. An elephant bigger than the room. Here's the problem. When the narcissist abuses you, it's in order to idealize. When he idealizes you, he feels loved. When he feels loved, he feels this love is reciprocated by you. So it's mutual love. But the narcissist in his deranged mind associates love with bad outcomes, with negative effects. The narcissist associates love and being loved with hurt, with anxiety, with pain. So the narcissist's abuse is also prophylactic, preventive. It's an empty effort to forestall and avoid pain. Let me put it, let me recap. This is extremely, extremely convoluted material because it's bloody crazy. It's utterly insane. The narcissist abuses you because he wants you to become a better version of yourself.  He does this for you to conform to your idealized introject, the internal object that represents you in his mind. By idealizing, he idealizes himself, co-idealization. He feels loved by you. He feels that he loves you. At that moment, he catastrophizes. He develops extreme anxiety. He becomes terrorized and terrified because the narcissist associates love, any love, his love for you, your love for him, whatever. He associates love with really, really bad things, hurt, anxiety, being consumed and subsumed and government anxiety, etc., etc. So then he starts to abuse you even more and he abuses you even more so that the love dies. He wants to kill this love because it threatens him. It's ominous. It's menacious. Love is hurt. Love is pain. Love is fear. Love is anger. Love is destructive envy. Love is unmitigated anxiety. Love is bad. So he abuses you to avoid all these outcomes and to avoid maybe even modification. He controls you. He manipulates you because you are potentially a hurtful, persecutory, evil, any enemy, frustrating object, both externally and internally. So the abuse in the narcissist's mind, in the narcissist's dynamic, sorry, the abuse has two functions, to idealize you and at the same time to push you away. It's very similar to approach avoidance repetition, compulsion in borderline personality disorder. One of the reasons that Otto Kernberg, the inimitable Otto Kernberg, insisted that borderline narcissism of the same disorder. I couldn't agree more. So here you are, being abused left, right and center for a variety of reasons. And the narcissist disagrees with you. He says, I'm not abusing him. It's tough love, or I'm reacting to your abuse, or I'm testing your loyalty and allegiance, or I'm getting disillusioned with you and I've exposed you for who you are and I don't want you anymore, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But actually, none of it is true. The narcissist seeks to reenact the painful traumatic stage of separation individuation, the stage which failed with his original mother. And he seeks to reenact it with you, his new substitute mother, to accomplish separation individuation. He needs to get rid of your love, because your love threatens him. Love is the opposite of separation. Love precludes individuation. Love is bad for your health. So the narcissist is caught in this labyrinthine conflict. On the one hand, he is compelled to love you, or to actually to idealize you. He's compelled to idealize you, because he needs to feel loved. He can't even separate individuate, because he can separate individuate only from a loving mother figure. So he needs you to love him. So when you comply and you love him, he needs you to unlove him. Initially, he approaches you. He then abuses you in order to idealize you. He idealizes you in order to feel loved and to feel that he loves you. But then when you reciprocate, when you start to love him, he needs to push you away in order to separate and individuate, because if he doesn't separate, and if he doesn't individuate, the alternative is pain, frustration, hurt, anxiety, anger, envy, bad things, negative effects. Exactly a replication of his original crisis and conflict with his original mother in early childhood. To avoid this replay and reenactment of the conflict with his mother of origin, he needs to end the relationship with you happily, happy ending.  And the shared fantasy, rather than being terminated, it mutates, it's transformed, becomes something else in his mind. So the narcissist's separation individuation never works. And he hoovers you. And I advise you to watch the video I've made about the psychodynamic of Hooverie. Okay. When the internal object is dormant, suspended, discarded, or no longer idealized, no longer affected, in other words, when the shared fantasy is truly over, and the internal object that represents you in the narcissist's mind is consequently deactivated for life, deactivated for good. When this happens, the internal object, the interject, you, no longer possesses the power to hurt the narcissist or to cause anxiety. Only when the shared fantasy is definitely terminated, you remember with modification, devaluation, or appropriation when the interject is replaced by another interject, by someone else's interject.  The interject remains in the narcissist's mind, but it loses its effect. It's no longer idealized and it loses its power, it loses its magic, it becomes disenchanted. At this point, there is no longer any call for abuse, no need to abuse. Any interaction following the deactivation termination of the shared fantasy, any interaction with you, between you and the narcissist, your ex, anything after this phase is going to be civil, even amicable, even amiable, friendly, or nothing at all, indifferent. So the abuse stops, the second the shared fantasy is dead and the internal object that used to represent you loses its catexis, it's no longer emotionally invested in, no longer idealized and therefore has no maternal powers over the narcissist. Now, all this is reversible. The minute the object is re-idealized. In other words, the narcissist can re-idealize the internal object that represents you, even without your collaboration or cooperation or presence. The narcissist, remember that one of the mutations of the shared fantasy is the nostalgic mutation. The narcissist can simply reactivate the shared fantasy, then he has an anticipatory shared fantasy and we're going to be back together again, or he has a nostalgic shared fantasy, oh my god, the good old times with her and then he re-idealizes the internal object that represents you in his mind, he re-effects it, he reinvests it with emotions and then he tries to over you. The minute he tries to over you, the abuse starts all over again for the reasons that I've described. Abuse and idealization are inextricably linked because idealization is a form of abuse. Think about it for a minute, don't reject what I'm saying.  When the narcissist idealizes you, he doesn't see you. You're no longer seen. There's a new object, an internal object that takes over.  The narcissist from that moment starts to interact only with an idealized internal object that has very little to do with you. That's not really representing, it's just a placeholder. So the narcissist to idealize you needs to objectify you, needs to convert you to a manipulable object.  He uses you as a tool or instrument for self-regulation, internal homeostasis and equilibrium, objectification, parentification, instrumentalization. These are the three pillars of idealization. And all three are refined, unadulterated forms of abuse. In short, even during love bombing and grooming, the narcissist is abusing you. There is no minute, second, microsecond in your relationship with the narcissist from the first split second that you've laid eyes on him to the moment that you walked away. There's no interval of time without one form of abuse or another. Many of these forms of abuse don't feel like abuse, not to you, not to him, but they are abusive. And the prime example of this is idealization. Idealization feels great. You love to be idealized. You love to see yourself through the narcissist gaze, but you are being abused.  You're being objectified, instrumentalized, parentified, used. So there are no redeeming features to the relationship with the narcissist, none whatsoever. And anyone who tells you differently is probably a narcissist himself or herself. Or herself. Yes, there are women narcissists. Get over it.