Our first caller is Tony from New Orleans. Hey, Tony, how can we help you? Hey guys, thank you so much for taking my call. Just discovered you guys a few months ago, and I've been binging ever since. No pun intended. I have a question on nutrition. I am a former long course endurance athlete, and I got COVID, and after that, I really suffered. I could not run anymore. Adam, I know you're kind of dealing with this right now too. I went from running 20 miles one week to getting Serona next week. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even make it to the end of the block, and it was months like that. So I just kind of gave it up. I started walking, and I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it, and I didn't miss all that time. I'd spend running, biking, but my weight stopped dropping. And so I was like, let me try macros. I've been at 1500 macros. I mean, calories for about six months, and I'm not really seeing any change on the scale. I can see my body changing, but the scale isn't moving. So I didn't know if maybe I should try something else, and maybe add some more calories. Maybe try to go back to intuitive eating. I did lose 25 times doing that. Just kind of need some guidance with that. Tony, real quick, I know this is normally, nobody likes to hear or be asked this, but I'm curious for this question, because you said 1500 calories. Well, how tall are you, and how much do you weigh? I'm 5'6", and I'm probably sitting at about 140 after all my hurricane snacks. We had to evacuate last week from the hurricane item, so I'm probably sitting about 140, 5'6", and 43. And I think I read that you're also doing 10,000 plus steps a day. Is that right? Yes. Yeah, it sounds like we need more calories. Yeah, are you? Something we need to go on a little bit of a bulk for a little bit. And you're doing maps anabolic or follow-up of our programs? Yes, and I love it. It's bringing me back to the one thing I miss about doing Ironman is having a plan and being able to check things off and being able to record stats. I love that stuff, so I'm loving it. Excellent. Well, okay, so you said something interesting to me. You said you can see that your body is changing, but the scale isn't moving. Right. So usually with this, and it sounded like it was a positive change. It didn't sound like you meant your body's changing in a negative way. Am I correct? Right, right, right. Okay, so here's what's probably happening. You're probably building muscle and burning body fat. That's the reason why the scale isn't moving. And remember, muscle is much more dense than body fat. So if you were to gain eight pounds of lean body mass and lose eight pounds of body fat, you'd still be smaller. Muscle takes up about roughly two-thirds of the space that body fat would take. So you would lose something like 25% size in terms of volume. But of course, you have more muscle. You have a faster metabolism. Things are tighter, more sculpted. 140 pounds of 5.6 is not bad at all.  But I can see you. Did you really say you're 43 years old? Yes. Yeah, you look really good. Yeah, thank you very much. I would get you 10 years younger. So all right, so here's the deal. I think what you should do, I think you're on the right track. I think you should stop weighing yourself. I think that's messing with your head a little bit. Totally. To continue focusing on maps and Ebola, building strength, that's a great sign. Your calories are 1500, which is low. Now, it makes sense considering your past. Because of all the endurance training that you did, you've probably developed a very efficient metabolism. So this isn't a good or bad thing. It just means that your body got really good at utilizing calories in an efficient way. That's probably one of the reasons why you got really good at your endurance sports. But now the goal is to reduce efficiency or state it differently, speed up your metabolism. So what I think you should do is continue the resistance training, focusing on strength. And I want you to bump your calories up very slowly.  Now, as far as weight on the scale is concerned, I don't think we should check that for at least a couple of months. So for eight weeks, don't worry about that. Just worry about strength. Worry about how you feel in your body, posture. You know, when you put your hands on yourself like, wow, I feel more sculpted here. I feel tighter here. Is there anybody in your life that is honest and objective? Somebody that really cares about your health and would give you an honest opinion about how you're doing? Like, for example, my wife would do that for me. She would tell me, wow, you're looking really healthy or very good. Do you have someone like that? Yeah, I think my husband would do that. They're just kind of over it. My whole family is kind of over me measuring everything to the gram. You know, they're really thick of it. But he would be honest with me. Okay, good. So do what I'm saying and then don't ask any questions. I'm sure they're going to be happy to see you not so probably in their words obsessed with all the measuring and stuff.  Those are all really, really good signs. But for yourself, take the scale. And literally, this is going to be your discipline. Don't weigh yourself. Just stop weighing, just eight weeks. Time it for eight weeks because I know you're going to need a time because you're probably going to drive yourself crazy. And then bump the calories a little bit and focus on strength. The fact that your body is changing visibly, but the scale isn't moving, that's a great sign and your body weight isn't high. This would be different if you were like 180 pounds. 140 at five, six, not bad at all. So your body fat percentage is probably in a very healthy range to begin with. Tony, do you have our intuitive eating guide? I do. I do. Okay, good. Because ultimately, this is where we'd want to get. Now, because we're telling you to add calories, you're probably going to have to weigh and measure to kind of figure out where you're currently at. But I mean, in a perfect world, a client with the goals that you have, I would love to see you get up towards like 2,500 calories. We're totally possible. Totally possible. That would be outstanding. Yeah. And it might sound a little crazy, but you know, Sal hit it right. I mean, you've trained for so long consistently that you've trained your body to be very efficient with calories now that you've switched to something like Maps and a Bog, which by the way is the perfect program, and ideally what you should be doing right now. The goal really should be, can I just keep slowly increasing these calories without... And so long as you feel good, since we're not going to be using the scale at all, stay on that course. And the goal should be, can I add more calories, keep getting stronger, and not see a significant jump on the scale in eight weeks when I hop on there, because ultimately, I would love to see, for your height and weight, to be around 2,500 calories at least, that's a really good place to be. And then that's when we would move into more of an intuitive style of eating, where I would teach you to kind of lay off the pain, attention to the calories and stuff. Are you consistent with the trigger sessions for Maps and a Bog? Yes, I love them. I even, it's like a game to me to squeeze them in while I'm at work, you know, while nobody's looking into my cube. Awesome, perfect. Oh, it's a perfect way to use them. Oh yeah, beautiful. Do you have access to our private forum? I do. Okay, good. So I want you to give us updates. Yeah, check in with us.   I just want to see where I'm at. Or, okay, I feel a little bit... You're just going to want reassurance constantly through this whole process. Yeah, it's going to be tough. I can see, I can see I'm going to have to put it away somewhere where I can't even see it. Yeah, awesome. By the way, where'd you find us? You said you've only been listening for a couple months. I think I was in a macros group on Facebook and somebody mentioned you guys and I'm listening every day now. I feel like we're kind of around the same ages and just talking back to stuff from the 80s and the y'all are just great. I came for the fitness and I stayed for the memes and the conspiracy theories. Oh, yeah. I love it.  We're big in the macro world. We didn't say your last name on the show, but I'm reading your last name.  I am. I'm Italian and my husband is as well. So we are, we are big food people. You know, my whole family has spent my whole life food. I get it. I totally understand. It's just seeing this weekend, we'd made sauce with my family. We do that once a year. And of course my mom is, you know, did she know that she'd known me forever, right? My whole life. What does she do? Well, are you sure you don't want this much pasta? I'm going to put it there. And if you don't want it, you can leave it. But you know, we don't want to throw it away. All right, guilt trip, lady. I'll eat all the pasta. Okay, relax. You look hungry. And I enjoyed it the whole time. I appreciate you calling in, Tony. I think you're on the right track. You're doing a great job, right? Yeah, if you just do what we say, check in on the private form you can tag us if you need that guidance the whole way. But you're on your way. I mean, it's totally going to happen. Thank you. And you guys don't think I need to add back cardio at all? Absolutely not. No, you're fine. The goal would be to, and if walking is fine, so if you've created good habits around walking, but you're already getting 10,000 steps, so I feel good that you're moving around. And if you felt like you wanted to go for longer walks or a hike on the weekend, I wouldn't be against that, especially as we're increasing calories. But the goal really is get stronger, add calories. I mean, that's how we, and that's part of the reason why Sal is saying, get rid of the scale. We don't need that to measure those things. I just want to get your food calories up and then get your strength up and we're winning. Sounds great. All right, thanks, Tony. Thank you guys. You know, I got a DM the other day about the metabolism boosting effects of building muscle. And this reminded me, this question reminded me of it, and basically it was like, this study shows that gaining one pound of muscle doesn't necessarily equate to this many more calories burn and blah, blah, blah. And that's true that the math doesn't work perfectly, but that's not because building muscle doesn't speed up your metabolism, it always does. It's active tissue that your body has to support and it's more expensive to support muscle than it is, for example, to support body fat. But there's also this range within calories that your body will burn or can burn with the same lean body mass. Okay, so essentially, let's say you have 150 pounds of lean body mass. There's a potential of calories within that that you can burn. You know, maybe I'll give you just arbitrary numbers. You could burn as much as, you know, 2,500 calories in as little as, let's say, 1,800 calories with the same lean body mass. There's so many things that happen within the metabolism that can make you more or less efficient, not necessarily needing to build muscle, but sending the signal to build muscle, eating in a particular way, tells your body, we don't need to be so efficient with calories. And this is why a woman like this, you know, she could gain four more pounds of muscle but continue on this pace. And four pounds of lean body mass is a decent amount of muscle to gain for a woman. She'll feel more sculpted and all that stuff. But within that, she could easily add 1,000 calories a day to her metabolism. Well, it's exactly the opposite signal she's been sending her body for a long period of time, which is psychologically challenging. And so that's why it's just, it's going to be a constant, you know, reiteration. You're doing the right thing. And to move that scale into the closet and to really trust, you know, that this new game plan is going to pay off in dividends. You know, that's just something you just need to keep pounding into all these clients' heads. She's actually in a really good place. The fact that she's been able to kick all that cardio and running and move to a three-day a week strength training program and not see significant gain on the scale. Already, yeah, it's already working. Yeah, she's in a great place. And then the next goal would be just slowly increase those calories. But she's probably seeing exactly what Sal was saying, which is the, okay, she's probably losing three pounds of body fat and then she's building three pounds of muscle. And so it's kind of maintaining, especially if she thinks she's feeling good and like her body's changing positively. Yeah.


Hashtag as always is why in the morning, head over there to twitter at rama.google at why to favorite channel and make sure that you drop us your tweet as we continue with this conversation this morning. I'm already seeing a tweet coming in already but Eunice Gidamori Mamayao Anasema is tuned in on twitter thank you very much Eunice so much you know is expected from you make sure that tell us also where you're watching us from on facebook we've posed a question in regards to our elected leaders last week we had violations that took place here in the country and we posed a question today if leaders we elect are not doing enough then what kind of leaders should we elect come 2022 i'm seeing so many comments tell me just sample but a few john and mukom mukoya nasema in kenya we don't have leaders but politicians what are the lokuma nasema these politicians are all the same they will pretend we vote for them after that they have the seats they don't care about this about their people all they care about is how they will enrich themselves as for them these people are all the same one and i just vote because it's my right but there's no hope i have for the people i vote for interestingly there ronia nasema kenyan politics is a game that many know the rules but few know the game kenyans elect whereas the system has already chosen all right that those are just some of the few comments that i'm seeing here so many so many tweets so many comments right here on facebook where paul thank you very much nasema tuned in bay they actually tuned in from machakos uh thank you very much morris green sick easy when you vote for a leader you end up losing the leader and they vote interesting comment there tell also your your thoughts the conversation is already hot online make sure that you are part of it at rama look or at y244 channel on twitter the hashtag why in the morning let's start uh gentlemen kimi lile mama parle did mas baraza says he's taking a break is that even something that should happen taking a break from tanga tanga is it is is it binding in any way uh ram thank you before putting my weight on did mas baraza leaching the tanga tanga of the uda function of the political wing i would like to put it that the tanga tanga of the uda is just a political wing that is up to konaiv kenyans it has no good in unifying kenyans it's uh it's like the the dangolin proverbial carrot to keep some politician busy running up and and down forgetting their communities forgetting where they come from and uh it's good that did mas baraza came to realize this earlier and he decided to take a sabbatical live performance of which it's not only a sabbatical live it's leaving the the wing and concentrating from the area that he come from it is uniting the his his his community you're saying he's this is not just a live it's a complete it's not out of it's a complete move in politics we don't have a live this is not like the maternity leave that after after after going out then you'll be back it's a live it's completely moving out it's a complete exodus from yeah his loyalty now from the tanga tanga tanga side it's over he wants to unite his his community and that's what is required so you're saying that ud is more divisive ud is more divisive those are selfish interests a few a few politicians a few clique of politicians are up there it's a bargaining tool the the function is used for for for bargaining well i must agree with some of the aspect that he has said that some part of the aspect but again did mas baraza coming out and saying that he has taken a sabbatical live from the heated political arena and he is now concentrating to do work for the people of kimi lili and again politics is a game of interest and through this we can give we can be given an i open and a signal that did did mas baraza has options and has certain interests come 2022 and now on the brain board he is trying now to bring other people into place he has talked about talking with mokiseki tui moseswe tangula musali mudavadi in a nutshell all those leaders from the western region and again so these tells us that uh did mas baraza has certain interests come 2022 and he's going to announce those interests maybe later on it's also elect to put it on that it's also interesting that this comes after the the kabuchai and the matunga by election but uh we had musala mudavadi's party winning he came out strong yeah and the tangula's party for the Kenya so with that i think did mas came to realize that uh these are these parties not up winning only a few individuals are benefiting so it's better uniting his community if if if if you look at what he said he said that this is not a live but a complete access from uda do you agree that he's actually leaving completely uda but according to did mas baraza and i quote he said i have left tanga uh he said that from today henceforth i am going for a format live sabat it doesn't mean that i have left tanga tanga during my off i will engage various leaders in luya land so that we will speak in one voice he has said it doesn't mean i have left tanga tanga then he didn't he didn't have to publish all that he didn't have to call the media and uh and make all those statements it was just simple he would have gone quiet and then that will be a live but making such statements means that there is something going on well ram uh politics is dynamic and we must accept the dynamics of politics in that as leaders they have to change from party to party they have to change from ideology to ideology for the common interest of the people and again we must allow did mas baraza to live up to what he's doing this is politics he must shift to where he feels it's better for him so he is shifting that's a signal uh an mp coming out and saying that he's taking a sabatical live from heated political political scene i think that's gives us a signal that mo shimua did mas baraza might soon live the tanga tanga faction what if he doesn't well what if he what if he comes back continues with uda at this point i think did mas is much concentrated with uniting the western region and i western region is uh they are pulling the rug under the the the tanga tanga's feet they don't want to support uh a feeling they want to be part of the government come 2022 so did mas must must be wise he's a he's a young he's a man beyond palyamentarians so i think with me did mas has seen the light and is moving to the better he has seen what light he has seen the light all right let me quote what he said i will be consulting with various stakeholders and like mana leaders in the luya nation i am keen to reconcile factions within the community and i'd like to take note of that uniting look you know stakeholders in the luya nations keen to recognize factions within the community so that we try and move in one direction point two one direction we have all always been divided as a community and that's never gets you know to benefit now when you talk about the luya nation is it possible for them to vote as one block and be united and number two he mentioned moving in one direction considering that they have different political parties with different ideologies can they move in one direction it's interesting that uh did mas has seen that uh after the after the matlungu by election and uh whereby we had even odm candidates previously odm used to dominate the western region but with the by election it has shown them the direction so with this coming up i think the western region have realized the uh the power and speaking in one voice they can make one us they can even take the presidential seat they have the numbers something which party the western region let's talk about the western region as a block the western region if they unite if they unite they will they they can take even the presidential seat they have the numbers they have the numbers all they need is uniting and that's what they are and that's what they are up to they are doing it they are doing it we have it must it must have shown the direction but the question is they are talking about uniting he's a vertical leave does it have any big impact on the unity of of luya nation of the mulem nation uh well uh ram i must say that history has it that the luya nation for long has been divided they have no political stand as one and what did mas baraza is trying to say is that he's going to seek out and bring all leaders to the table so that they can speak in one common voice so that they can have unity of purpose and so that they can maybe bring up a presidential candidate and i think uh if the western region or rather the mulem nation the luya nation stood with one voice and uh i think they will bring up a candidate and they will bring the presidency home it's possible it's possible and and and this this is a question you were having earlier on during the new super review segment and we and and you're saying hondrabol musala mudavadi as the presidential face and the rest don't accept uh uh no you didn't give it it you only said um uh musala mudavadi uh do you agree i believe you had when you said him i want he said do you agree with a sentiment considering mudavadi another political leaders in the luya nation i think uh with political face in quotes political first means that politically mudavadi is mature presidential face is it presidential face presidential face he has the presidential character politically he is mature he is up to the task mudavadi mudavadi is up to the task wetanguli wetangula is a bit his notes operanya operanya is a good governor and he is uh who did this but did you do you must talk to uh kisha kitui kisha kitui kisha kitui has been a diplomat for long he can he can make a good uh c s he can make a good uh c s uh luya nation has been divided yes and that is uh the fact of the ground considering the fact that uh hondrabol mudavadi uh has formed a pact with you know other leaders like uh you know hodabu uh gideon moi uh and hodabu kanozumusio ka cannot affect the mudavadi nation uh unity pact well i must say that uh in politics it's interest for the people and uh as a leader you must look at the bigger picture and what you bring to the table and what is best for the people and again it's a pawn uh for the leaders especially uh as we are talking about the those in the luya nation it's up to him to look out to other leaders from the regions who will bring prosperity to the people who will bring out our unity of purpose and they can form a good government for the people yeah um you thought on that mudavadi formed a pact with other leaders from other regions can it affect the luya region uh first and foremost is the luya to unite once they unite they have the numbers once they unite they need other tribes or other communities to top up to the uh to the numbers with that they'll they'll they'll give the best and uh this what's happened uh politically forming forming uh uniting up coming up with parties forming coalitions so mudavadi uniting with uh gideon or kalonzo he's trying to find support from other regions of which it's understandable and it's required for him to to make it to president there's some who say that uh you know there have been problems within uda um that within deep erudos in a circle after the uda party which uh you know they have been associated with the uh you know people like um liduas maraza being associated with uda that they are facing at a tough time considering that that you know they lost heavily in the violations in the two constituencies in uh in in western region you know you know we're talking about matungu and uh you know the so the party also failed miserably in a bid to capture this real city in machakos so if we are looking at the losses that uda is uh encountering in all these bio elections is it forming up you know the factions within itself within uda party hands people like liduas maraza taking leaves well i must say ram that uh these people from uda they must embrace the beauty of dem of democracy in that they accept the results and uh they are trying and it's not always that you you must win always and they must accept the results or how they have come out and agree with you that there are some scaffolds within the uda maybe pushes here and there from the leaders of the uda uh because of losing the seeds but i'll advise them embrace the beauty of democracy accept the results you live to try again politics is dynamic you might lose today and you might win tomorrow that's how it works ram let me reiterate on this uda is formed by a part of selfish politician selfish individuals who are up to a fishing expedition they are not up to the community fishing for what fishing for their own purposes uda is for koning kenyans a conniving party it's not unifying that's why i'm uh ram i'll put it this way uda will experience a lot of ascafos going on one you you say let me let me just pose you there you're saying it doesn't unify people yet i'm looking at the machakos senatorials by election where we had someone like ningale from uda who garnered 19,726 votes though it is 15 of of of of everything but 19,000 plus uh other counties where we had by elections where we had over uh you know 10,000 you know 15,000 people all these criminatively are they not enough ram live alone the machakos by election we had the landan word where uda won the seat yes despite winning that seat was it what you see spending millions for an mcs it it was a fishing expedition mps were gathering at nakuru landan just for an mcs it they are fishing their selfish politicians if it were you who was vying for that you're going to buy for an mcs come 2022 we in which area gada rawan gada rawan kinangop consistently kini kini kini kini kini kini kini kini kini yeah if that was used by info wouldn't you want such kind of support from your party as a person first of all i'll have communities interest at first before putting my interests before putting my interest i'll have communities interest if the party is not up for good we with the community i'll dig that party i better i better i did it i i divide uh independent i was an independent candidate because i was elections yeah the previous election 2017 will you be independent describing elections if i will not find a party that will align my that will align my policies with tena i'm i'm better off vying independent well i've noted that my brother here mwangi is a kind of bitter with the uda but i must also tell him that the constitution enshrines that any person has the capability to come out and form a political party and start working out working it out all over the country uh and also again uda is a new baby so i think we must give it time you can't give a toddler giziri you must allow it to grow small by step gradually i think they might they might win i we are giving uda so much expectations just because it's aligned to the deputy president yet it's a new party it's a new party in the political scene well we are giving it so much expectations these let let us give it time to grow gradually and gradually maybe you don't you never know that uda will form the next government come 2022 uda uda being a new party but the players are the same the likes of madama have been there for the kids the dp so you cannot use the baseline of uh it's a new party no same drivers same drivers same script different cast that's the point if we are to look at them let's look at machako sir uh for for for mudama we had mind hello chapla mind hello chap chap leader mutu uh you know who that there is governor mutua who uh withdrew his candidate that is mutua mutuku from the race a day before the voting so observers say that katukus would roll may have partly been responsible for the low water turnout do we have such kind of uh you know an influence for a party like uda such that one candidate you know um the the uda's uh uh you know voter turnout had some influence from you know other parties or other quotas well um i must say that uda has never been predominant in the machakus region you remember machakus under the kamba region the dominant party has been kalonzo kalonzo musioka waipa and again uh that's the story that's the facts and we must look at the sorry realities and uh first shot they lost maybe second shot they win so we must have a lot of faith in in uda you keep saying that they may win they may be in government they may get the presidency they may win they may win first shot second but why do you have so much faith in uda i think politics is about faith and uh we must wish well for not only ourselves also our competitors that's how democracy works we must bring all the people to the table and uh workers one all right i would like us to conclude with this uh discussion uh today kcp east begins we are having uh you know uh mathematics uh coming up today english language and composition what are your thoughts into gas to these the kovid 19 measures that have been put set in place uh during examination period like the kcp and kcc that we are facing right now first and foremost i'd like to to give my best of wishes to candidates across the country who are sitting for the examinations despite that uh we have lost almost a whole of academicia fighting the global pandemic it's unfortunate but we have to fight it kovid being uh being the the case as for now it's uh it's up to the government to put those regulations strict measures which they have which they have put and uh again i would like to to congratulate the the CS for education magoha he assured that even if even if the your parents the parents are relocated to other areas those two those students or people will have to sit for the examinations so i think uh the country the government has uh has tried in combating the kovid kovid 19 and having examinations yeah do you pass to these examinations i remember you echoed your voice earlier on well i'll i'll wish the peoples and students who are starting off their examinations today wish them well and good luck and i must say that education is crucial in society with education that's how we build society and the country at large and again i must say that i must also congratulate the government in line with the ministry of health and also the ministry of education for ensuring that our young people are able to do these exams in a conducive environment despite the pandemic uh the kovid 19 pandemic and i think i wish them well good luck and success in your exams uh let's look at this pandemic how can i have taken it seriously we are looking at uh in the results that uh we are seeing increased number of cases of kovid 19 infections we are looking at the weekend where we had a high ton of people in different you know public gatherings we have restaurants pubs clubs churches do people take it seriously this kovid 19 guidelines and do we should we expect to see uh you know this reflect also during this time of kcp and kchc after the second wave of kovid which we almost which uh we almost came through people didn't the the measures were a bit uh the measures were a bit soft to people and that's where the that's where people now began became neglecting the the the measures and the regulation that were put in place wearing masks even the political class used to gather rallies without even observing those uh rules so i think this where the that wave is hitting hard because we neglected the the the rules and regulation to to come back to the pandemic how can we solve this problem and reduce the cases of the number of infections that we have for the kovid 19 how do we flatten this curve the the curve well ram we must call a speed a speed kenyans are very assumptions individuals uh looking at the start of of the pandemic people are very keen and they very adhered to the regulations of the kovid 19 pandemic but again looking at the that wave is here and the government in line with the ministry of health gave out strict measures to be able to contain this virus we see that these people are not adhering to the regulations and all i ask them that we must have unity of purpose so that we can be able to contain this virus of kovid 19 and we we go back to business issues as we show your wife which we we see for 2022 well ram i'm vying for member of parliament kipipiri constituency come 2022 i ask the people of kipipiri to remain united we have been stuck in the mud for too long and i think time is now that we look at better agricultural produce market for people better roads for our people uh good job buckets for young people and in a nutshell we bring development to the people of kipipiri constituency no your constituency you're the same constituency no there anybody in constituency they never you're in uh and i like to put you on the knowledge that mr kirago or much more kirago wants to top all the majority leader of this country brother yeah democracy that's democracy yeah you see and i wish him well thank you my fellow youth and i will support him i will support him you see the thing is ram the political space uh for too long has been seen as a space for experienced people or rather odd men but again we must realize that we must bring people to the table so that we represent the interest of people and your constituency is never mine is kinangop constituency okay i'm going for the member of county assembly in a ward called gathara ward i believe in starting there going upward yeah yeah we are met at yusana i wish you the best thank you now that you have offered him support you return the favor of course i have for my brother full support of course we have met with him several in locations in our county considering that kipipiri and kinangopan the same county matters youth interest yeah so he's a good friend of mine gentlemen thank you very much for joining me today thank you ram it was a pleasure an interesting discussion mind bogling at the same same time i was with a mwangi mbugua a youth leader a pure mathematician from the university of Nairobi you have comrades in the building comrades he's also an aspiring member of county assembly in kinangop constituency thank you very much kia uh mwangi thank you ram and i was also with the kiragu muridi the ceo of fijana mbele foundation also vying for the member of parliament in kipipiri constituency i wish you the best thank you sir that has been the conversation today on youth and politics the hashtag as always is why in the morning let me just sample a few of your feedback on facebook uh on what people are saying let me reload that and get to see what you guys are saying on on our facebook we post the question in regards to the leaders we elect remember some of the leaders we elect are elect are also here with us today if leaders we elect are not doing enough that's a question then what kind of leaders should we elect come 2022 john amukomukoya uh you know say that we don't have leaders but politicians morris green thank you very much morris for your comments jackkins mwangi wakua ben anasema been a better the devil we know that the angel we don't know mm-hmm weru anasema thank you anasema tuned in vince dati anasema the same same thing the same leaders that you uh that we that are not doing enough for the kind of leaders that we elect bother in 2022 all right that is uh your feedback on facebook keep the conversation going the hashtag as always why in the morning at ramanko the let's take a short break we'll be back in a bit after this break i'll be joined by none other than reverend lorence bugwa he is from immanuel anglican community church in rally in kali in north karefo california today we shall have a conversation about alcohol and addiction don't go too far


So today we're going to talk about how to get over an ex even when you're obsessed with them You're still obsessed with them, okay Now before I get into this some of you might think this is related to my own personal experience the Relationship that just recently ended for me with Marie and that I might be talking about myself now to some degree I might be talking about myself, but let me be clear about something. I am not obsessing about this relationship I might be talking about it because I think it's important to share some of the experience of I have but I'm not Obsessing about it and I want to be clear about why I'm not obsessing about it because this relates to this video. I Never gave my power away to this other person I think women and men have a tendency to give their power away to another human being and that is one of the primary reasons why it's very difficult to move on After the ending of a relationship, especially even if it's a treasured relationship And in a moment, we're going to talk about when is the right time to date when a relationship ends, okay? And is there really such a thing as a right time? Okay, but I want to let you know I'll be talking about that in a moment now Let's examine why you might be a why anyone might be obsessed about a past relationship And I took some notes. So just let me look down because I don't you know folks I just want you to know this there's nothing easy about shooting these videos There's a trillion bits of information out there and I probably can only barely scratch the The ant's belly. So let me just say that sometimes I have to look at notes Let's examine why you might be obsessed. You're thinking about the ending as if some if as if they did something wrong You're hyper focused on what they did and you revisit the bad aspects or the unhealthy aspects of the relationship and You blame them for the ending you are blaming them for the ending and all the focus is on him It's it's it's like the idea of pointing the finger at someone you're pointing the finger at someone But just remember there's three fingers coming back at you. So what oftentimes happens is we human and I've done this too So I'm not immune to this but we've hyper focused on what was wrong. What was bad What was unhealthy and I think it's our brain's way of rationalizing This experience to protect ourselves to to emotionally protect ourselves whether right or wrong I do believe human the the ego has this insidious way of Creating a rational Lysation, okay rationalization rational lies L-I-E-S it lies to ourselves Okay, and someone might even be angry towards the other person You're just just obsessing about it. You're angry at them. They hurt me. They hurt me.  Why isn't the ending a relief? I want you to think about this for a moment. It's a miserable relationship. You're unhappy There's all these bad things that went on from you know from literally day one and you're not feeling a sense of relief I don't understand that and I think this happens to be for a couple reasons. I think first The the there's this sunk cost that you have in a relationship You've invested all this time in a relationship.  It's now seven dollars and fifty cents You're still behind but you're not as behind as much and I think we humans do the same thing in relationship We give more in a relationship when it's in a decline And we have so much invested that we don't give up on a stock, you know, it's like poker I was playing poker with the guys last night and I had a hand It was like I was a mediocre hand, but I kept throwing in more money, you know Just hoping that something would change it wasn't a good strategy on my part And I think we just humans have this natural capacity to invest more and Then when you think about it this relationship ended and So you have this sunk cost of I think the other reason why we might get angry is That it's really we're angry at ourselves We're angry at the fact that we stayed in a relationship too long work angry at ourselves for choosing this person We're angry at ourselves because we didn't speak up. We didn't establish boundaries We didn't ask for our needs met and yet the anger is towards them But I think what's really going subconsciously is we are angry at ourselves Now let me be clear about something folks in this particular case. I'm not talking about, you know, Marie and I's ending I just want to be clear about that because I know I'll get the comments. Are you talking about yours? No, I was actually thinking about my previous significant relationship. Oh my god, I was obsessing over it I was blaming her. I was taking no accountability of what happened. I was obsessing and If you're reliving an experience repeatedly I think I want to be clear for everyone if you're rethinking an experience over and over again and it's true obsession It might be who of you to go see a therapist It might be a few of you to see a professional a true professional to work on the anxiety Because in the spiritual in the personal development self-help and spiritual realm in the self love realm By the way, I wrote a book about self-love called what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to all and in the description of this video. There's all these links. I talk about even the links to schedule coaching with me It's right there You know in the personal development self-help spiritual world Anyone's familiar with like Abraham Hicks or Joe dispenser Wayne Dyer just to name a few We we have this power within us We have this incredible power to reframe our thoughts We can reframe our thoughts and I'm gonna give you a tool in a moment to help you with this reframing We can begin to reframe our thoughts to remove to exit the obsessive place and Reestablish some new thoughts. I call this exercise flip it But it's looking at this experience that you're angry about you're blaming about and and finding the mirror Opposite from the negative point of view and finding the positive aspects of it of this relationship This requires really being introspective The problem with being introspective is that and I'm going to get into this in deeper in a moment It really requires some true introspection true introspection and One of the things I think it's critically important for everyone to learn about is love attachment style and Amago I am a GO can someone write that down. I am a GO Amago Do not familiar with the work of Here's a couple books. I highly recommend getting Love attachment attached by Amir Levine or Rachel Heller There's a link below the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt the book wired for love by Dr. Stan Tatkin. I did an interview with him on my channel here so you can look for that interview We talk about this but first we it's important to identify is This obsession related to an attachment to this person so it could be love attachment, okay? Which is basically if you're not quick quick scenario anxious avoid it and secure anxious avoid it and secure Many of us who are anxious attachments like myself or I'm a recovered one. I'm a recovered one I have recovered from being that I'd like to think I've now established in a secure place in my life But you know, I still have the default of anxious and you're with an avoidant These are people that are typically emotionally unavailable. They're emotionally constipated They struggle expressing their emotions. They deeply want love, but they're struggling in That capacity and so it's good to understand attachment love attachment style as a mago These are for those really contentious relationships. I think some of our karmic relationships the a mago is usually we choose a Partner who's like one or both of our primary caregivers our parents and The more contentious it is the more contentious most likely your relationship was with your With one of your both of your primary caregivers parents grandparents that sort of thing aunts Siblings that might have taken care of you. I think when there's a lot of drama in the relationship This is reliving a past experience from our childhood Okay, now the other attachment that happens was were attached to the fantasy This is where I'm kind of guilty of this folks. I I think to some degree. I was attached to the fantasy of the future you know there's a fine line but between being stuck in the past and Fantasy of a future and being present because you know, we're they're all kind of in the in the I was watching Star Trek discovery, you know time is kind of an illusion but all of these are happening Simultaneously inside of our head the past the present the future To some degree folks. I want to be candid with you. I Did get attached to the future. I'm you know, I'm at midlife, you know I I there's a part of me that doesn't you know folks does anyone feel like dating socks? Raise your hand just write it in the comments dating socks. Okay Now I'm and I'm and folks off It's important to say dating also has some pure benefits and joy and it's a it's important It's part of the process But you know the idea of going back out there and dating again does suck, you know, I'll just own it and I was certainly attached with you know growing old with somebody But I wasn't obsessively attached. I certainly Desired it. Okay. It didn't come from a place of desperate need within myself It was a desire, but I desire lots of things. I desire to fly on a private jet I I desire living, you know in one of those bungalows in in in the mall deeds or something like that You know over the water. I desire a lot of different things and they're healthy. Sometimes I have healthy fantasies Sometimes I have unhealthy fantasies But I think sometimes we get so obsessed and attached to the future that it makes it difficult to let him go I think the other thing is we have to recognize that we can have a chemical bond with another person We can have a chemical bond You know Hey, that's why it's called chemistry. It's chemicals being released from our brain particularly Oxytocin dopamine serotonin testosterone estrogen we could have a chemical like a bond with another person And the other thing is we don't like being alone.  You're seeing each other every single day You're shifting from a we to a me can can be a little bit. Just you know disconcerting so I Think one of the things is I'm grateful prior to meeting her. I learned how to enjoy my own company See, I think this is one of the reasons if you learn to enjoy your own company Then you won't overly get attached to someone you won't but the fact is if you you know If you don't enjoy your own company and now you're alone You might obsess about this person because it's the last person that you felt this. Oh my god, Jonathan I had this amazing connection with them. I mean my god.  You know, by the way, live your best life all day long, you know fill your love cup in all day long do that Whether you're in relationship You're not but inner work is how we get over an x and I always invite everyone to answer these four questions And then we'll talk about when is the right time to date these four questions What positive things about yourself did you learn in this relationship? What positive things about yourself? Did you shift from being an anxious attache to a secure did you real did you did you Did you learn to speak your truth in a kind manner? You know, did you set boundaries? What were the positive things you did or learned in this relationship? Also, the second question is how have you healed from this relationship? I truly believe I healed my anxious, you know attachment style. I really do believe I'm a reform person Is there a default? Probably But I certainly feel like I feel strong about that. I could be I could be fucking gas lighting myself for all I know but I feel strongly about that Number three What are you most what was good about the relationship really visit the good stuff in the relationship? You know when we obsess about all that's wrong if you make a list of all that's wrong and you're thinking about it You're thinking about it. You're thinking about why not put a list of all that was good Not that I want you to obsess over good But I want I take stop this conversation of the bad bad bad bad and start thinking about what was good Because we have the power to change our thoughts And lastly What are you most grateful for? I'm so grateful she came into my life for a variety of different reasons She got me out of my shell She encouraged me to be a little bit, you know more professional Although some people don't think I am because I curse on videos. That's so unprofessional Listen folks. I use humor Expletives sometimes to enhance the sentence. Okay, but there was so many things. I'm grateful for her and you know And I and I truly wish her the best. That's that's not number five But I I invite you all to wish the other person Well-being That's just the compassionate, you know, I would think that's what jesus would do you know He'd love the person that even would hate you know that hurt them You know, so I invite you to it to wish them well So when is the right time to date? That's a great question The right time when are you ready, you know folks?  I'm fully ready to be I'm ready to be in a fully committed relationship with someone Am I obsessing about it? You guys are gonna say I am because I'm talking about it, but no I I've done the work. I've done the inner work I work with a coach. We processed a lot of stuff I've spent a significant amount of time in a short period of time processing all of the things that you know the things that you know, and I vented and I cried Guys, I cried I was sad You know, I cried when Connor passed away Folks, if you're not familiar, I I lost a child five years ago You know, I I cried can't even count the amount of hours I cried at the same time I made a conscious choice. I could grieve with suffering or I can grieve with love And why I'm sharing this to you when you go through when you've gone through some significant hardship in your life And believe me I've had you know, I've had a couple perfect storms. It feels like in my life You know when a relationship ends it it didn't didn't it doesn't mean the end of the world the sky didn't fall Inner work So when is the right time to date? I think when you're no longer pining for the other person I don't think it's predicated by time. I mean some Emotionally healthy person could be ready to date in a couple months Okay, if they really have done the inner work They could be absolutely because remember I was ready to be in a fully committed relationship before I met this person And by the way for a long period of time. I wasn't I was a spender now. I've established myself as a grower builder I don't pine for this person Okay, and I never and they don't have my power That is certainly so if you're crystal clear on your intention that what you want You're no longer pining over someone you no longer they no longer have your power. You're no longer dependent upon them It doesn't mean that there isn't going to be residue from your past relationships folks I have residue from my x y if I have residue from my significant relationship. There's residue But that residue doesn't define me and I don't I want you to really Think about it You might have a little bit of residue. That's okay. You don't there's no such thing as readiness. There's just I like the way abraham hicks says it.  That's you see that's really do you have the When you're ready to step up That's when you're ready But if you're if you're focused on the past if you're obsessing about a person If if you're if they still have a charge for you And I got to tell you many of you are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness I was with the narcissist and and he did all these bad things and not to suggest that's you know It couldn't be a horrific experience Heal from that.  I I I I share my perspective. Okay forever. I mean There's I I share it from my own experiences partly because what I'm learning through my experiences I just pay it forward by passing on what I learned. Okay I mean to the extent that I'm an expert. I don't believe there's any You know what?  That's the journey of life. Just figure this shit out Try to have a good time while you're at it. You know life can be a fun experience If we don't take it so seriously, what was it in the batman? Batman second movie with christian bale Heath Ledger why so serious? You know when we can actually laugh at ourselves, but more importantly we can just love ourselves Even through all this shit Anyway, is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below Do you have something to share? I do my best to read them all If you found value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell when you so you can be notified of new videos All right, it's time for questions those who know my format No, if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley He's right there with his brother collin. He's the one who passed away Five years ago and his honor I donate to cause is like the hoffman process and insight institute So let's try to collect 50 50 dollars today. Let's try to collect 50 dollars today So there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. Let's collect 50 dollars today. I want to donate some money All right, let's see what kind of questions we have I did see one earlier. So bear with me Here we go, I I have no idea how to pronounce your name awashina sing What should I do or how do I start over after my boyfriend stopped talking to me over a disagreement? It's been a few months now and I don't know if I should contact him if it's over before I move on You know It saddens me to read this to be candid with you The fact that you don't know that it's over Saddens me somebody has gone silent. They are doing what's called stone walling They've gone silent on you in fact a video tomorrow is going to talk about this in a little bit of a little bit detail You know my suspicion is that the relationship wasn't ever truly established to begin with You might be in something casual. It might be a situation ship There wasn't a real establishment of the relationship. There wasn't any You know boundary set there wasn't any those standards were discussed the rules of engagement were discussed most likely By the way, my excuse me for slurping when I do I swear a little you'll swear a little you'll feel better sometimes folks I swear I would reach out to this person and request an audience Have a conversation You know It's you've been distant. I haven't heard from you Um, you know, what's the status of our relationship from your perspective? What's the status of our relationship from your perspective?    You know what like your attitude should be well, you know, listen, I mean Okay, this sounds in contrary what I'm about to say is but we have to go through the stages of grief And sometimes you have to be angry at the person.  Okay You know, why am I accepting that kind of behavior? I love myself too much to accept that kind of behavior Folks when someone wants to end a relationship, it's a blessing because you know that and why is it a blessing because I only want you to be with people who want to be with you Someone doesn't want to be with you. You know what thank them, you know You know, quite frankly, I'm gonna say something this might sound cruel, but Marie did you know has now created the room I've got an empty closet right now. I have a walk-in closet for anyone who you know wants to Move into my life. There is space. There is room there when someone leaves they make room For potentially the right person to enter into your life You know So so, you know, I invite you to ask yourself what positive things did you learn about yourself? What was what how have you healed what it was good about the relationship? What are you most grateful for those are just some of the things but yeah Reach out to him try to get try to do an autopsy And go from there and if you want some support schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right For you. Ashina sing. Thank you so much Oh, Beth just wants to let me know dating sucks Couple other of you said it's the same thing Um Let's see what else we've got here Do we have any questions if you have a question write the word question All right. T. S. Is in the house Is it better to try to date someone with similar attachment style?    It's about his feelings But there's a real turnaround when it's about your feelings And if someone isn't able to express How they truly feel about you outside about how they feel how it makes them feel about themselves And this is usually in the early stages when we're trying to get laid I think god the shit that came out of my mouth or has come out of my mouth Trying to get laid. Oh my god.  Oh my god. I see us married. Oh my gosh I want to take these trips.  And I'm saying that a little tongue-in-cheek, you know, but it's true It's called post nut clarity.  So coming back to let's say two anxious people together One person is gonna it could burn each other out So I think first and foremost if you're familiar with your attachment style You might want to do the test from the book attached together And really read I would say read this book together But Jonathan, he doesn't want to do work like that Folks, if you're with a human being who's not willing to do work to improve the relationship You're you're setting listen most relationships fail and they they are miserable Choose people that want to grow with you not that they just want to spend time with you I could go on and on about this, but um, let me let more questions come in t.s. Thank you so much for that Hey, I want to thank rune for the to $2 super sticker I also want to thank annette paul for the $20 super sticker. That means we're only $28 away from getting our $50 today So thank you so much.  I mean, you know, it saddens me how we humans Will take abuse In the name of love Isn't it fascinating? What is it about by the way? This all is the amago stuff. I'll read this. This is why okay Why you're choosing this guy? Why you're into him is read this book It's just fascinating and and by the way, I'm not immune to this. I've accepted some bad behavior in my life I've given bad behavior I mean, I'd like to think I wasn't overly egregious, but um But you know, we're all imperfect human beings trying to do the best we can Anyways, thank you so much for that question Uh val says amen. Thank you for putting that in perspective Miss moody. How do you let go of a man that disrespects you?  You could disconnect. By the way folks you have to disconnect from their social media accounts Oh my god. I remember when I had a relationship and I was constantly looking at her social media account Is she thinking of me? Is she thinking of me? What's she doing? Is she dating someone else? Is this happened?  I declare first and foremost.   I am letting go of this relationship and I'm gonna start loving myself just begin with that Declaration and then find ways do inter work To love on yourself. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know What led you and marita break up? Uh, really quickly. I've said this in previous videos. She wasn't happy living in california There was something going on emotionally in her life that required her to um She just said she wasn't able to give me what I need in this relationship And she needs to go find herself in a different way right now our relationship um Evoked what's the word i'm looking for? Sir it our relationship opened up some emotional wounds for her Not that I did anything. I'm just pat past trauma and wounds and she wanted to go heal And she couldn't be a real good partner to me. So that's the that's kind of the gist of why Hey, I mentioned the net paul gave us a 20 dollar super sticker. Also We got claire that gave us a 20 dollar super sticker. So we're only eight dollars away Excuse me eight dollars away from getting to our 50 dollar goal. So thank you so much Beach lover says yikes Jonathan. I don't know what that's for but Um, miss mims says I was broken up after 10 months due to the age gap We are 14 years apart, but we did not have a significant relationship issue He wants a younger woman and kids and can't see that with me Is was he younger than you if they're if you're 14 years older than you guys use ladies Just be careful dating younger men who are in the bracket of potentially having children their escape They can use you for 10 months Get all the benefits of great sex great connection and stuff like that But when they want to end the relationship, they always say I want to have children knowing that you can't that's just one example of the dangers of dating men that are significant are in that I want to have babies age bracket men and those are men up until about age 45 By the way, there's a good chance. He won't have kids. That was just his escape clause from the relationship Okay Oh, and here's claire claire's 20 super stickers. So just remember we're $8 away $8 away from getting our $50 goal Allison wants to remind miss moodley. You need to reassess your self-worth. You deserve better folks Claiming our self-worth is part of the inner work. It's part of the inner work You know I don't i'm gonna recommend a book. I don't love all of it But I there are some parts of this book. I do like Why men love bitches?   I recommend I invite you to do the inner work Mmm All right Hey, we've got to give props right now to miss mims $50 super sticker. Oh my gosh. That means we collected $92. Let's make it $150 today So we need 50 52 more dollars. Thank you so much for the kindness. We appreciate that All right, let's keep going here Sandy says, thank you, Jonathan. It's nice to know I'm not alone. You're very welcome Uh Annette wants to let you know miss moodley if he treats you poorly tell him You're you are letting him go because you love them and should be happy Yeah All right, what else do we have here? Uh, okay. Mim says yes. He was younger Yeah, unfortunately, this is the listen if you're dating someone You know what? I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you guys. This sounds terrible But if I was in my 20 mid 20s and 30s right now, I probably would have dated older women Because a the sex is great. They're you don't typically you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant They are a lot of fun. They're more emotionally grown up and and when you're ready to find someone to marry you just go Oh, I decided I I want to move on and find someone I can have children with it's a it's a great exit clause Now is this I mean How often does this happen enough that I'm talking about it?  Why do I draw a toxic man? Please read this book. This will explain everything getting the love you want by harbell hindricks and ellinott. Thank you so much Oh, thank you for all the work you do jonathan. I appreciate that Notty kitten says I think men like soft bitches. Well, we don't like drama from the book You know why men love bitches. We don't like the drama. Well, some guys are addicted to drama.  It's all about him What i'm not hearing from you is you See folks when a relationship ends it's time to look in the mirror and say You know the fourth questions I just posed for you earlier in the video, you know really become introspective It's doing the inner work if you're focused on him You can't change the other person. It's listen. It's like what's the definition of insanity?  I'm I'm intentionally harsh Sometimes we need it's like share in the movie moonstruck Snap out of it.   Okay I'm kind of fascinated. I wonder what my next incarnation of my life will be like I'll probably be a woman I'll probably be an avoidant I hope I'm well that was an ego I said I hope I'm gorgeous But you know like at the same time, what can I take from this life? To heal me in the next experience And it starts with individual healing. I truly believe that By the way, if you have a personal question, you'd like to ask of me right now for the last 18 minutes of this video Write personal question and you're more than welcome to ask me any personal question you have of me Okay Sharon elizabeth's in the house and she says john I'm new and need to unhinge from a catfisher on a dating website. I stupidly fell in love with Sort of addicted to the drama two months long Isn't that fascinating? This is a person you fell in love with in two months. It was an online situation. Isn't it fascinating? How this happens? You've given your power away to another human being Folks It's insane It's it's it's absolute insanity what us humans do So how do we reprogram ourselves from you know this First is the wake-up call you you don't love this person Would you give this person if this person says give me all your money? Would you give it to them? I would think you'd do that for a person You know you loved right would you give them all your money? No, you wouldn't I hope you wouldn't But people will give their money away to a catfisher all day long why?  Folks, you might want to read the book how to be an adult in relationships You know, you might want to start practicing some of the things I talk about radical honesty Prequalifying your prospect rules of engagement but more importantly, you might want to stop practicing Text relationships you guys many of you are fucking suckling on the nipple of cyber relationships It's not real until you folks until you've experienced someone day in day out In a in in situationships in live Situationships don't give your power away to another human being Anyway, that's my invitation for you. Okay. Thank you for sharing that um Let's see Miss moodley is still in the house and she says I accepted it because I've abandoned many issues my dad My dad someone died committed Well, it's time to heal that it's being in a relationship isn't I listen I highly recommend some deep therapy Some true introspective work work with a coach Do some work. It's it's time to hyper focus on you If you haven't already and if you have Then why haven't you healed it?  There's not I mean sometimes there's not good therapist But there's a lot of good people that can help you focus on you. Okay All right Wendy says I'm perfectly happy being alone I've begun dating and doing the right thing to establish a relationship and then His ex-wife started harassing me.   I'm perfectly happy be alone No, most people don't like being alone. I think it's okay. It's it's one thing to enjoy your own company Okay, I enjoy my own company. I'm okay with but I don't want to be alone folks It's it's human nature to want to be commune with people So if you are I'm listening.  No, that's a prison By the way, I'm parsing your words, okay Because I truly believe what you meant to say is I am happy with my own company. Okay, but I don't but folks I want to pick on this It's human nature to want to commune with people whether it relates whether you're in a romantic relationship or not It is human nature. So we should never we should always strive to commune with people I I believe that that's healthy for an individual Okay Mimic says funny question Where do you find men h40 plus educated business professionals besides dating apps? Go to business seminars and hang out at the bar If you want to know where those people go to business seminars go to like Money wealth building seminars business seminars go go to those places. There are a ton of men It's usually 80 90 percent men or man might be might be 60 percent men Go to the you know go to those places and hang out. That's where they are But Jonathan, I don't have the time to do that. I can't you know, I'm sorry If you don't have the time to do it then that's where they're hanging out By the way, they don't necessarily make the best relationship prospects. Okay But just that's where they're hanging out Jonathan I'm awake. Did I mention I'm a blonde? Thanks for the You're very welcome Naughty kitten says I think it's a nice fantasy someone online Tells you what you want to hear get out and find someone in church or activities volunteering hobbies. Yeah charity group Functions are another thing to do find go to go to You know go to events that are about giving a being of service, you know Uh internet marketing seminars just to name a few Kate is in the by the way if anyone has a personal question write the word personal question I'm willing to share these last 12 minutes of anything personally asked of me What if a woman breaks up with a man? Will he ever come back? It's been three months of no contact I miss him, but I think I only miss the dream of him. Please help Yeah, it's by the way, there's well if the woman broke up with the man Yes, he could come back.   Why does he have your power?  So let him go find the right person for him Energetically speaking. That's the loving thing to do.  How are you mirroring? What you attract where in your own life? Are you emotionally constipated and heal that piece in your life?  If you're asking me personally I don't know if I want to go everywhere But yeah, I want I want to fall in love with someone who falls in love with me Do I want to go places with them? Yeah, but I also want to be able to listen I Listen folks just to give you an insight into jonathan asley. I'm not making this about me.  Let me put it. Oh shoot Where is it?  I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind I don't want to know What's up? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day I'm in the process of reading my my coach recommended. I read this book. I've had this for years I'm not years. I've had this for about eight months and finally get by the way. It's a tiny little book I'm going to read this. It's a spiritual book. I have no idea what's in it It's called the prophet check out the link below to get all the books. I recommend But this is this is like Next gen, you know kind of You know spirituality work. I'm by the way the untethered soul is my all-time favorite The untethered soul by michael singer my all-time favorite book anyways Magic says, uh, what do you think of dating co-workers?  But yeah, it can be a great place to connect with someone So I just think there's you you got to recognize It's like moving in with someone, you know What happens if it doesn't work out? Do you have an exit plan if it doesn't work out? I think it's important to have those conversations. All right. Jill is in the house Personal question. What are you doing to prepare yourself for your next relationship? Do you say who I need to be to attract my ideal relationship great question? so folks Couple things I've done the introspective work. I've I've processed the ending of the relationship And I feel complete number one I'm actively doing things like Catherine woodward thomas is the calling in the one program I interviewed her recently on my channel Catherine woodward thomas next week. I'm going to allison armstrong's event called Freedom from being ordinary. I'm going to personal development workshops. I'll be going to abraham hit In january of 2024 in los angeles. There's two day Two venues. I might go to both of them What else am I doing? I'm changing my habits. I'm changing my way of doing things. I'm not By the way, I haven't really gotten on the dating apps. I really don't believe I'm going by the way Listen dating apps is the number one place people are meeting. I mean over 50 60 70 percent of me People are meeting through the dating apps. I'm not doing the dating apps. I have I have I have two things I'm going to shoot a video on this I'm in a state of manifestation. So one of the things I teach in my private coaching is creating something called your love mantra I have a technique and I've created my own love mantra, which um I might if I might share it with you guys on another video Okay, this is a manifestation. This is an intention. This is a mission statement. This is a prayer. This is an incantation I truly believe I will manifest her and what I will do is she'll probably knock on my door I I'm a on human design. I'm known as a projector. So I need to be invited in Marie invited me in and I and I opened the door. I made effort So I truly and I also don't believe in dating anymore. I believe in courting If if I listen three dates first phone call is a date The first meeting meet and greets a date then you have the real first date is the third time You're interact or the third time you're interacting with them If two people are like each other are attracted to each other and they feel like they want to be sexual together I don't believe in dating. I believe in courting. What I mean by courting is you have real Conversations you have radically honest conversations You lay your cards on the table you set the rules of engagement and you do it with intention You read my dating vows. By the way, there's a link to get my dating vows in there I believe in courting not dating dating dating is just a way to temporarily it's like shoe shopping I'm going to try on these pair of shoes and I'll walk on them for a while And then or I might take them by the way or I went to Nordstrom's I bought the shoes and I'm like I'm going to return them. That's the way dating is like shoe shopping. Okay It's just like shoe shopping Or worse. It's like going to Nordstrom's buying the shoes and then returning them. Okay after they've been warned That's what dating is. Okay courting is intentionality.  I I want to be able to brag about this I don't know. Is it gonna work? We'll see But I'm doing all the things like going to personal development where I'm going to the psychics and healers Fair later on today. I'm going to a book signing next Tuesday.  That's what I'm doing. Just to name a few so jill. I hope I answered your question Thank you so much All right, coach. Amy. This might be the last. Oh um What are your thoughts of being told that wanting the type of relationship you describe which is similar to what I want means You shouldn't need someone else to validate you Well, I'm in agreement. You don't need someone to validate you But it's good to be in relationship with someone who acknowledges and validate you but needing it Means it's lack within yourself Now I'm a little bit needy I'm gonna own it Is it the leo in me? Yeah, I it's nice to compliment people. It's nice to acknowledge people It's good to validate, but you don't need, you know, and sometimes we have to verify if some by the way There's a big difference between validate and verify. Okay It is important to verify someone's feelings for you through their Acknowledgement of you and the validation of you We do need to verify this because why do we want to give our heart to a person who isn't Acknowledging and validating our feelings. It is paramount For a healthy happy relationship to have that going on. So anyway um All right folks, um cake career wants to say thank you jonathan. I love your advice I really do appreciate that folks. I appreciate you all for your kindness your care your love your generosity I don't appreciate the trolls but Um But I do appreciate all the kindness and I hope this resonates with you I hope You know by sharing a bit of my personal life by being vulnerable by being authentic by being transparent It it opens doors up for you That's my hope for everyone that i'm opening up doors for you to do the work just like i've done the work And i'm still doing the work. This is a forever Ending journey of work. This is why we come back and do it over and over and over again because That's the definition of insanity All right folks, I think this I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video Please post a comment below like to hear your thoughts and if you have something to share I do my best to read them all you did like this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel if you want to connect with me in the description of videos There's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to join my private group called midlife love mastery to get my dating vows It's all listed below Check out all the content I have there as well All right. I'm gonna wrap up this videos. I always do First off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug I'm gonna reach into the camera excuse those armpits stains and give you a hug as well I'm as good to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank kerry and mermaid tails and be and co jamie and miss moody and Sharon and knotty kitten and kates and bear and pickles and val and jill and kates and linda and lisk And alison and beach lover everyone big hugs. Have a fab day. Be well. Thanks. Bye now


So instinctive and so passionate Every word I move so descriptive like an adjective I gotta then get it against people when you should be getting after it I got facts over facts over tracks Isn't that spittin' slow spittin' fast like a roast I could gas think I'm okay or last But I don't know if that can erase all the past And the petting is


Let's understand how we can attach a file to a record. So what we are going to do in this scenario. So we will be creating a screen flow. In this screen flow, a contact record will be created that will be related to an account. And after creation of contact, there will be a screen where you can attach a file and that file will be attached to that newly created contact record. So if I take you to the Flow Builder. So here you can see this contact creation flow is already available if I open this screen. So here first name and last name, two text components are available on the flow screen. Then this create record element is available which is mapping account ID, look up with the record ID. This record ID will be of the account and first name screen component is mapping with first name field available on contact. Last name is mapping with last name field available on the contact object. Now additionally, what you need to do after creation of this contact record, you need to just have the newly created contact record ID because when you will be attaching your file with contact record, so you will need ID of that contact record. So what I'm going to do, I'm going to create a new resource as a variable and I'm naming it as contact ID. It will be of type text and done. So newly created contact record ID will be available in this contact ID. So after setting this contact ID you just need to click on done. So that error was coming in my org but that was unusual. So I just re logged in and now this error is not coming. So this way this contact create element is all set. So it will be receiving the contact ID after creation of contact record. Now after this, I just need to add one more screen. So I'm labeling it as file upload and here I'm going to search for file upload component and I'm just dragging and dropping it. Okay, so this is API name and here we need to provide the label. So that will be available here, right? So whatever label you want. So you can just put it here. It will be available with your upload file component. Now we need to relate this file with contact. So whenever you create a file, so file also creates a record and whenever we upload any files so basically contained document object record is created and that will be child for the record where we are attaching this file. So actually in this related record ID we need to provide the parent record ID where this file will be attached. So that will be our contact ID which we created right now. Okay, so here this contact ID is set that is related record ID. So the file which you will be attaching so it will be available on contact record automatically. Now I'm just clicking on save and activate. So jumping here, doing a refresh. So this flow is not available on this record page. So I'm just going to place it. So from here I'm just dragging and dropping it and I am selecting create related contact on account enabling this checkbox and saving this moving back. So you will see the flow is available. So here contact will be created and then it will ask to upload a file. So let's say I'm creating contact as Sanjay von Gupta one and clicking on next. So now you can see right now contact is not visible here but it is created. Now it is asking to upload a file. So I'm clicking on upload file and let's say I just uploaded this file, clicking on done, finish. So here you can see contact is created and if I open this contact, so in the related list you will see a file. So here you can see in notes and attachment this file is available, right? So this way if you want to attach a file to newly created record through screen flow so you can do that way.


Thank you and thanks to everyone at Fostum for organizing this event. So as you can see I have I've made a presentation about creating a computing revolution that centers on private servers But first I I want to take a look at Current events and see what's been in the news lately Yesterday in the New York Times. We see that there's a story about Russian Campaigns of misinformation and the fact that Facebook just can't control this and a little bit earlier We saw that it's not even clear that Facebook knows how bad the misinformation problem is and Just about 10 days ago. We saw that Google was hit with a 50 million euro fine Because of his failings with GDPR compliance Here's another story My boss is at the freedom box foundation Mishi Chowdhury and Evan Moghlin wrote a story about how WhatsApp in India is being used to game elections so that disinformation can be spread in WhatsApp chat groups and This problem is so big in India that there are even lynchings that happen on account of what's being sent on WhatsApp And here's a story that was really thought really popular a couple of years ago This is the story that popularized the term data is the new oil and With all that data that's being siphoned off of us and our online activity Comprehensive psychographic profiles can be created and this is a good diagram to take a look at after the talk And these slides will be uploaded So it's clear the internet is broken and I'm speaking to an audience that knows this already But to fix the internet and to solve these kinds of problems in particular we need to Re-decentralize the web all the problems that I just talked about are enabled by centralized network Infrastructure when tech companies control all of the data at the center in the servers that they manage That's what goes wrong And to re-decentralize the web. We need a revolution in computing It's not going to be a problem that we can solve with just software or just hardware. It's going to require a lot of cooperation So I want to look at the history of computing revolutions And there's a quote that really stuck out to me when I read it a couple months ago This is Tim Wu. He's the person who coined the term net neutrality He said no one dreamed that the personal computer once little more than a toy for hobbyists would displace the mighty mainframe All right There was a time when computing was mainly done on these giant machines about the size of this table called mainframes and then in the mid 1980s personal computers like this laptop Started to become mainstream and eventually they displaced the mainframe So my question for you today is why can't personal servers do the same? Why can't personal servers displace the large centralized servers at the center of our network infrastructure? Okay Well, I'm going to propose that there are two main reasons why this hasn't happened yet there's a problem of poor user interfaces on Server operating systems and there's a lack of hardware accessibility So people don't usually get access to their own server hardware, and that's why people don't have them Freedom box is a simple private server that aims to solve this problem We try to solve the UI problem and the hardware problem by making it easy for anyone to host their own private server And when they can host their own private server, they can re-decentralize the web one freedom box at a time Freedom boxes are Roughly this big So let's start by by taking a look at user interfaces. This is the first problem There's a book that was published in 1997 by a Psychologists who specializes in technology called named Sherry Turkle And Sherry Turkle wrote a book called life on the screen in which she tells a tale of two aesthetics She talks about the fact that the early personal computers Invited users to imagine that they could understand its gears as they turned And so this is the kind of interface that early PCs had this is MS-DOS It looks like a modern council a modern terminal and it wasn't until 1984 that Apple introduced the Macintosh and the Apple introduced this iconic style of simulations where now You have a simulated desktop with icons now it wasn't until this happened that PCs really took off Personal computers revolutionized computing because they made it easy for anyone to do it for non experts and non programmers But this change hasn't happened in private servers yet freedom box aims to do that So this is what we do with our user interface at freedom box We want our user interface to be simple so that you can just point and click and make things happen We want it to be beginner friendly So that it automates whatever can be automated in the process of administering a server And we also want to have an aesthetic of an integrity to our visual identity Because you guys have been neglected in server operating systems up to this point So here's what freedom box looks like when you first plug it in you get this screen that tells you freedom box It's setting itself up 15 minutes later you get another screen that says start set up so you click that button on the bottom and You make an account enter a username and a password and that's it now you have your own private server Then you go to the apps page you see we have about 24 apps and you hover over one of the apps and the color appears Here's the system page. So these are all the settings that you can configure on your freedom box and If you want to install an app you go to the apps page And you just click on the button install one click and it installs now This sounds like something that we all do every day on our desktops But this isn't something that's been made easy on servers yet, and that's what freedom box aims to do So now let's talk about the problem of hardware accessibility from wanting to doing There's a quote in a book written by one of the board members of the freedom box foundation. This is Harvard professor Yochai Bankler he talks about the capital constraints on Producing information in the economy He says from this team engine to the assembly line from the double rotary printing press to the communication satellite The capital constraints on action were such that simply wanting to do something was rarely a sufficient condition to enable one to do it If you wanted to do something you couldn't but now It's because now that that constraint no longer exists But the problem is that server hardware is a lot like the mainframes in the 1980s. It's out of the reach of most consumers Traditional server hardware is expensive anywhere from 400 to $4,000 just to get yourself started plus the cost of Administration which usually means you have to hire some kind of an expert Not just that but traditional server hardware is hard to find. It's not marketed to home users or consumers We want to create a personal server revolution that puts these products in the markets that consumers shop Freedom box is hardware neutral. This is a fact based on the software that we've built freedom box is a Debian based Operating system for private servers because it's Debian based that means that it works on any Hardware that Debian works on now we picked Debian in part because Debian is known as the universal operating system It works on almost anything So if you have an old netbook or Chromebook from 2010 Chances are you can probably turn that into a private server But beyond that we also want these servers to be inexpensive and so we've specifically built them Built our software for single-board computers like the raspberry pi 2 which costs around 30 us dollars or all mx's lime 2 about 50 us dollars and We specifically build Custom images for around 10 different single-board computer models And this is all the hardware you need to make your own private server, right? This will cost you around 50 us dollars or maybe around 50 60 euros and Here's an example of what I have right here. This is the Allamex lime 2 this is a this is special to us because this hardware is what's known as open source hardware The schematics are online all of the details that you need that you need to know about this Hardware can be found online because it's open source Now that's important because one of the constraints on a lot of hardware decisions is the fact that the hardware isn't free You can't trust it and so that's why people like me have to use think pad x200 models Which are very old, but that's all we have if you want to rely on free hardware So we're also trying to make sure that we're inclusive of the latest open source hardware So what's the future of freedom box? We want to partner with universities We want to partner with organizations and communities to put these freedom boxes in places that need them Right now there are more than 10 villages in rural India that rely on freedom box as their primary source of Routing and internet services. That's how powerful this software is right now at Yale University and Cornell University Students and instructors are using freedom boxes in the classroom Because this is a powerful example to their students of how you can take control of your own data What we also want to do is grow our community of developers and contributors So that we can continue to expand and In 2019 we want to enter the hardware market for the past nine years of our existence We haven't sold any hardware kits, but we're working on it and in 2019 we're gonna announce something exciting So what's at stake this is where I make my final appeal to everyone in the room Your privacy is at stake your autonomy your civil rights Democracy freedom our future if we don't fix our network infrastructure, then these things will be jeopardized Those stories that I showed you at the beginning of my presentation. Those were mostly recent stories every day You read something new like that So what can you do? You can lead the change you can use software like freedom box You can advocate for decentralizing technology. You can contribute to projects in this area And you can also help us lead the change you can donate on our website Here's here's how you can connect with us and learn more. Thanks everyone for your time I'll be in the hallway to answer questions Thank you very much very very well within the time. There's even three minutes left If there's someone with a very urgent question that you think might be relevant for everyone We can take it now in those three minutes and the rest we can take outside if you want to continue talking Anyone with a burning question? I'm gonna run to you with the microphone. Hello Congratulations on the progress on the freedom box project what I wanted to ask is Do you value also the freedom of the software inside? your operating system as much as you do for the free design hardware because as far as I understand The hardware neutrality makes it that you also make available no free firmware for Wi-Fi for instance. Yeah, good good good question. So we have a question here about I think two things the first is what's our stance on Software freedom and what's our stance on? Hardware that requires non-free firmware the first is we are a fully free software project Now I omitted it from this presentation because I only had 15 minutes, but our software is licensed under a GPL version 3 and We're free software from the from the top to as far bottom as we can now There's a now there's a further point made here about What if we have a device like the raspberry pi 2 which requires non-free firmware? Right now we support devices like this even though they have non-free firmware because we want to reach as many users as possible The the problem is this is the most widely known and accessible Single board computer to most casual consumers. So that's why we support it, but down the line what we want to do is support Only hardware that has fully free firmware, and that's why we're so excited about all max That's a vision for the future though. So today. We unfortunately have to make a small compromise Okay Any other questions we have one minute left Okay, so I think one problem I have run into if you're running a server at home or the more advanced users essentially that most of the Consumer grade Internet service providers are let's put it politely not particularly friendly towards the running and sort of consider services I would even mention this kind would be to put behind three layers of not So have you actually put anything and In with a freedom box software so far tries to address this kind of problems. Yeah, that's a good question So we have a question about Some of the problems that internet service providers give home users about running their own private servers I have 30 seconds here. So let me just address this quickly We have a number of settings and instructions that Give you specific directions based on your use case So if you're behind a net router, there's there's different instructions than if you're not behind a net router second We also use our entire Community resources to Test these freedom boxes in different settings on on larger networks on smaller home networks And so we're always trying to think of innovative ways to solve these problems with our system The short answer is yes, the law. Yes, we can do this, but the long answer is it's gonna require some work to perfect Okay, thank you very much So if you would want to continue talking Danny will be outside and big tanks work warm applause for Danny for the good talk