hey guys it's julia and welcome back to my channel and for today's video i'm going to be talking about the 18-ish things that i read in the month of june so this includes graphic novels novels manga poetry the whole shebang there's a lot to get through here so we're gonna try to make this as fast as possible first read of the month i've read hamlet by shakespeare so basically if you do not do not know already this is one of the most famous shakespeare plays it's a tragedy it's about this dude named hamlet and his father dies and then he sees his father as a ghost and there's all these things that happen anyways i don't really need to explain hamlet because it's such a classic but i read this one for school and i didn't love it as much as i thought i was going to because i do love me a good tragedy but personally i liked a cello better and it was like i liked that to be or not to be speech and i liked a lot of quotes from it and stuff but it wasn't like my favorite shakespeare which was unfortunate because i thought i was gonna absolutely adore this but yeah i gave it three stars i read cheese sweet adventures and this is by konomi kanata and this it was super cute it was just like this little manga like graphic novel kind of thing and it's just about again a cat and it's a little adventures very cute very cute um but my only issue with this one was like the formatting was really weird and i still prefer like cheese sweet home over this one i think that one has like a better style to it and like a better storyline this was super cute and enjoyable but it wasn't like fantastic i think i gave this one around three stars as well next up here i have invisible goes by robin schneider so i'll put the new cover up so you have to know what it looks like but i received an arc of this from an hcc friendly event that i went to so thank you so much to them this is about this girl named rose whose younger brother dies and she sees him as a ghost and she spends time with him every day they obviously spent a lot of time together rose doesn't really go out that much she spends time with her dead brother at home and then this guy comes into the picture and kind of changes things for her and it's a love story meets a ghost story according to the back but it's yeah it's really interesting and it definitely was not what i expected but it was interesting basically i did enjoy this like i liked the plot and the characters the plot was super interesting like i really liked the love story means go story kind of plot that this had enjoyed the romance and like the writing was like decent for the most part i think it lacked in some areas though it was like nothing like life changing but it was enjoyable and like a quick read for me which i appreciated but if you hate that line that she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding that shows up like four times in this book and i was just like again so just be aware that that's in there because i know that's a lot of pet peeves for people including myself a little bit i i could hear ones and i'm like okay great but like four times i was like i guess one of three point five out of five stars and if you're interested in it definitely pick it up because it's out now oh yeah i did vlog for the cramathons so i will have my 25 minute vlog linked because i will not talk about these books so in depth because i talked with them for like 25 minutes but i has not grown volume one this is a story about this girl who has a fashion blog and she has a lot of allergies and it's just about her life it's very strange and interesting but the art holy shit the art is absolutely stunning like i am in love with this artwork so much the thing that i really liked about this was again the art and i thought it just had like a really interesting concept and it leaves on a cliffhanger and volume two is now out so i'm going to be picking a volume two very soon but this was just super strange but i loved a lot of quotes from it and like i'm interested to pick up the next ones so i ended up giving this one like a three point five out of five stars talk about this one because i talked about it in the cramathon vlog and then i made a video and i talked about it in that video so this is the little book of witchcraft this is just a little book about modern a bit of history on witchcraft some symbols some just a little guide to the whole witchcraft wika the whole shebang um i say that a lot but i really enjoyed this really good guide i get four stars it was a good read next up here i read saints and misfits by sk ali follow a muslim teen and so we see that perspective and the family dynamics and things like that as well as there is a big trigger warning for a break within this book so please keep that in mind i listened to the audiobook of this one and i honestly didn't like it that much at all i talked about it more in the cramathon vlog and like i have a review for it and stuff on goodreads but i just didn't love it and i was really sad like i felt like a huge disconnect i wasn't the biggest fan of the characters or the writing or the plot and i thought like the whole subject matter of sexual salt and rape could have been done better or done differently and that's just my personal opinion i know this received some praise so yeah but i gave it 2.5 out of 5 stars so oh i also read binti but and i talked about this one too i have no idea where it is lovely um but this is a little sci-fi novella it is so good like i don't even know what i explain it because it's so short so i don't want to give a synopsis but it's a sci-fi novella such a great story packs like such an interesting plot in a short amount of pages and i just like really really enjoyed it like it has it was it's really interesting and like i want to get the next one so i enjoyed that i gave that 4 stars except here i have planting gardens in gray's volume 2 i was sent this by andrew's mcmill publishing in exchange for an honest review but this was i was sent an early copy of this actually so thank you so much i was very happy with that um i really love rsn's work you guys know this he writes very short but impactful poetry and it's all very relatable and i love it a lot and this was the sequel to planting garden in gray's volume one and i was not disappointed by this i gave this like a solid four stars i quite enjoyed it i loved his work nothing new there next up here i read smoke by alan hofkins i have no idea where it is so i'm like picture so this is the sequel to burned which this is a duology the very intense story it's how do i even describe this it has a lot of trigger warnings like a lot like if you read alan hofkins you know how many like how serious her books are but this one is written in verse and it was a very like interesting story again i talk about it in that reading vlog so i'll like link that but it was good and impactful and it was like a short reading if you're in the mood for like a short but impactful like quick duology then definitely check that one out it's not my favorite alan hofkins by like by any means but it was like solid i gave it like 3.5 to 5 stars here i read open earth and this is by sarah murk ever cabaria and claudia agari this book comes out in september this is like a little graphic novel i'll try to find a page that isn't explicit but basically this is about these people this group of friends who live on a spaceship and this explores our main character with love and sex and relationships and it's full of sex basically so keep that in mind before picking this up that it is explicit um i wish this had more to it like i wish there was more sci-fi to this i thought the concept was interesting but like i wish there was more sci-fi like who's mostly just sex and i was like okay uh great but it was okay the art style was like decent um if i can remember to pick up the volumes in the future i will but it's just if this sounds interesting to you check it out it's been getting like better reviews than i'm saying but like i only gave it three stars i read 25 poems for the nsa and this is by ins thomas i believe hopefully that's right um i this one was fine i gave it 2.5 stars it was just okay it was super short but it was okay next up here i read the poet x is by elizabeth ace fedo i buddy read this with my friend jessica so i'll have her channel linked down below she just started and yeah i'll link her down below but this book is super interesting it's written in verse and i got it in my cage have a box so like i have all the like things in it but this is about a girl named x maro x so mara she it's basically i don't want to give too much because i was pleasantly surprised by this one and i was different than i expected but it's about her and there's poetry involved and there's a lot of things like that and it's about her like finding her voice through poetry and being able to express herself and things like that actually this had some carry vibes to it like there was some religious elements to it and that was really interesting to read about definitely not what i expected at all the main character was so badass like i loved her so much at times i was like police thought but at the same time like she had some she had some like a punch to her and i really enjoyed that and the writing was decent like it was overall like a pleasant surprise if you are thinking about picking it up i would suggest it i think i gave it around like a 3.5 3.75 rating so i read some i did some rereads so i read uh the present stage itself in this one and the witch doesn't burn in this one i'm in a lovelace who i love but these are poetry books this one revolves around like literally what the titles say this one's super feminist like more feminist than this one but they all deal with like they both deal with some tough subject matter and it's poetry it's great i've read them both twice this is not my i have two copies of this so this is not my tab one but okay i love these both i ended up giving this one a five and i gave this one a 4.5 this time around next appear probably my favorite book of the month it's following twitter you know what it is but it's the fortune suicides which i think this was like my 7.3 read um i listened to the audiobook of this one scribbed and holy shit did i love it so much listening to it i love this book with all my heart basically it's about the five lesbian daughters who all commit suicide and it's narrated by these boys who live across the street and are very fascinated with their lives and they narrate the story for us about what happened to them and their interactions with them and all the evidence they come up with and stuff like that it's very interesting love it so much the audiobook like the times that i've reread this like the what five or six times i've reread this have all been physical so like to listen to it on audiobook was really great and like i just loved it so much next i read smoke and mirrors and this is like an erotic poetry collection i read this author's other one dirty little pretty dirty pretty things or something i didn't like this one either a lot of poetry isn't my thing because it will like flow like really nicely and then i'll just be super blunt like the last word and i'm just like you just ruined the whole thing like i just don't like it and i don't like the way this author writes i gave this two stars there was some good poems in here that i did like but for the most part like these were just like the last time i write about you i read this one on scribbed out of the ebook because i read some ebooks this month and i enjoyed this one i thought it was solid like i don't have too many thoughts on it it was just decent like i like some poems i thought it was okay i gave it three stars then i listened to the audiobook if entwined with you by sylvia day and i remember i said for the second book like i'm so done with this series which the series does suck like it's pretty bad like it's basically like 50 shades but different names and less bdsm slightly um but this is just these are so dramatic and so much but like they're so stupid and like you could say they're trash in my opinion but they're entertaining and that's why i read so i listened to the third one on audiobook like i would never spend my money on them but yeah it was okay it was interesting you guys have it those are the books that i ran the month of june let me know your thoughts down below and what you read your favorite book of the month possibly and yeah i'll see you all super soon with a new video make sure to like this video if you enjoyed it and subscribe down below yes anyways bye


I'm at Restream. I have Kenneth Clifford and Anna Paola here and they have just been traveling around Europe and in England but they had quite a bit of time in Spain before that and then they just arrived back in Spain with some invitations in, yeah, some other places, Paris and Holland and Germany. So welcome, so great that you can be with me. Thank you, David. It was so safe to be here with you. It was so good to see you. So beautiful. Well, you're like mystics on the move. You've just jumped right in with Jesus on the road and it's been, what do we say? Was it eight months or didn't? Ten months today. Ten months. You've been on the road just following your inter prompts literally moment by moment, day by day. You have a gathering set or supposed to say with somebody you get an inter prompt, no, they have COVID, go here, go there, somebody else shows up, another garden shows up. So yeah, maybe you can just share a little bit about how the journey is going for you. For both of you can just share with everybody how things have been. Yeah, it's just been incredible really from start to finish. I remember when we had our first meeting, David, about how maybe it's felt to go to Spain and then literally everything just fell in from that place, really. And so it's completely obvious whereby we got 20 invites and then we didn't have any money or anything. So we put out and then all the money came and then it was like obvious that the trip was meant to happen. It was for Jesus.  We've never, ever met them before in our lives. And as you said, we've really, really got to listen and follow very, very deeply. And it's like really, it's like the basics and of course the miracles are absolutely everything. You've really got to fill into absolutely everything every step of the way. And in that, that is really thin for our joy and also for our dismantling. Like for example, with me, when I came, I said to Jesus, do you think I should learn a little bit of Spanish? And he said, no. He said, you've got too much control as it is. He said, so when you can't understand the language, you just leave it to me. So I was like, perfect. You need to take your hands off the wheel. And I was like, great. And from that really, it's taught me like more intuition yet. So because I couldn't understand the conversations, I would have to, I'd be feeling something and then I'd be saying, Anna, what's being said? And then she would tell me and then there would be some input or whatever. Or I could just feel that everything was joyful. And I'd say, yeah, that feels good, you know? Whatever was happening. So in a way, like Jesus was sort of expanding my mind and saying, see, you don't really need to actually understand the language, to understand what was going on. And then from that, like Anna would think that she'd communicated to me and she hadn't. And she said, oh, I thought I'd communicate to you. So I had to be very sort of flexible with what was happening. We're going here now, okay. Okay, that's what we're doing. It's funny because a lot of times people think in this world, more is better. More languages, more experiences and everything. But it sounds like that the spirit was using that to help deepen your telepathy, deepen your intuitive connection with each other. Because that's a very different use of just using language to convey something where it was more of a backdrop. And the real lesson was how connected are you at the thought level? So that is a deeper step that most people would hear about, yeah. I mean, that's what happened in the gatherings eventually. So what would happen was is because it would be too much for Anna to speak and then translate it all for me. She would just have to talk. So I would sit there with my eyes closed and by the end of it, she would say, would you like me to tell you what you said? I said, it's no problem, I'm just gonna go. And I just start sharing. And afterwards she'd say, are you understanding Spanish a bit more? And I said, no, I didn't understand the words. I said, I understood something. I said, well, I didn't really understand. She said, well, what I shared, you ended up sharing all examples about everything that I shared. I said, I have no idea. All I had is all these thoughts and parables come to mind and I just thought, okay, that's what I'm to share without even knowing what's being talked about. It was like many times there was this beautiful experience of the one mind.  Really, I'm so, so grateful. It has been like so strengthening for me. I feel like I feel like this inner strength and like this inner trust just keeps growing and almost like this anchor inside of me, just like something stable and settled inside. And something that I never felt it was possible. I'm like, I feel like also like dynamics between Ken and I which we would always be like, Ken is the one like usually like strong and all of that and I will be the one that was going through all this healing and like crying and everything. This trip, it just feels like Jesus was like, okay, we're gonna try something different now. And Ken was going through all this emotions, all this unraveling, deep, deep emotions. And suddenly I was just in this strength and this stability in my mind. And I was like, wow, this is like something completely new like not old at all. For me, that's been like incredible. I, yeah, it's just like no words to describe it. Like, you know, if we started sharing with you like all the miracles and all the experiences had like we wouldn't finish in 30 minutes. There's no way like endless miracles like cascading miracles really. We met beautiful people too. Like here in Spain, we were here for many months and we were meeting with people we've never actually known in form, you could say, but immediately it was like that recognition. And it felt almost like, you know, I always had the sensation that actually time was going backwards instead of forwards. That was really interesting. When I would meet someone and I would feel such a strong connection, it almost felt like what we were gonna live had already happened and that's why the connection was so strong through the first point. Almost like here's where we left off or something like that. And with that, it's so many. It's been like, wow, incredible, incredible. Here in Spain, in England, the same thing happened. But it's been like a whole restructuring of the mind. That's how it feels, the whole reaction. It's beautiful. It's like, of course, Jesus teaches miracles are prayer is the medium of miracles. And I remember even some years ago when we were doing those living miracles broadcast and you both had your TV show and sometimes you would pray and pray all day. Basically, you would pray all day and then they turned the camera on and you would both be sitting side by side with a chair and maybe a flower or something. And then it was very deep. Everybody felt it. That's what people would say to me like, wow, it feels like they've been praying all day long before this gathering. And then I think that has served you so well because in Spain, it was a bit different than when you went to England. In Spain, there was just, you were flooded with invitations. You were on the move, going around. And it seemed like that was like you were saying, Anna, a time for you to step in and open up and come in more stronger. And then with all the Kenneth went through back in England, that's the way it usually goes. Jesus, whenever you really need to go through some deep healing is just like go back to wherever there was some past associations or whatever and then it's like explodes. It comes up like a volcano. But I do, when I think of when you landed the first time there in Spain, because you've just literally landed again. Two minutes ago. Yeah. A couple hours ago. A couple hours ago, so it was really fresh. But I remember that little garden section in the course where he talks about miracles fall like healing rain on the dry and thirsty desert and signs of life spring up everywhere. That it's kind of beautiful that as you went to Spain the first time on just faith and guidance that it was like the signs of life spring up. I mean, people were coming out of the woodwork you were getting invitations for gatherings, retreats, one-on-ones, come to my living room, come visit me at my house.  It's very much like a lot of the pioneers of the Course in Miracles going way back to the Varleys and Oman and Shanti where they just were out there winging it. And I think you said that, yeah, because of this was coming on the pandemic. People were forced to be inside, pull away from their course groups, facing intense emotions. And so it was like there were those beautiful miracles falling like drops of healing rain on a dry and thirsty desert. And really signs of life sprung up everywhere you went. It was like the green was shooting up. The seeds were there but they were under the ground and you just brought the warmth and the love of Jesus and said, yeah, we don't have a format here, we're just gonna show up and you tell us what you need, tell us what you want. And then you've been also being able to pull in some of the movies and incorporate that into the retreat. That's a really cool thing too. So just what was that experience like? And already you said it's so busy you've just landed in two hours and now you're getting flooded with more invitations than you can handle. You have to actually start to turn some down. That's a beautiful experience, a beautiful weather. I just feel like right now like so much like, you know, like tears are in my eyes and it's just like, wow, I just had no idea. I remember the first day we were about to start the first time we were gonna go out. We were staying with our friends Amanda and Michael for a month and they was soon before we were about to launch in our first trip. And I remember I did this prayer like Jesus, you need to show me that I'm meant to be here. Like I felt so afraid and you know, like all my monsters went everywhere and I just really needed to tell me that I'm meant to be here. And I was talking with Amanda's mom and she, I don't know, in that moment she had this pendulum thing, which I had never done before. But she said, if there's one question you wanna ask, you're welcome to ask it. And I said, okay then. And I just asked, I had that question have been in my mind, like Jesus, am I meant to be here in Spain? And suddenly the thing just swung into this yes. And she said, well, I'm not gonna ask you what you asked, but that is like really clear, yes. And you know, like now like looking back, it's just like, wow, I have no idea. It's exactly like my heart is overflowing with gratitude. It's just incredible, incredible. You know what we read at like you were mentioning the Barley's like I read that book many times. And every time I need like coming back to my inspiration with my forgiveness practice, I read it. And then it's like God is like we've been like living it in a way, you know, in form. And like all the forgiveness opportunities just keep washing over in the miracles. Yes, it's been so beautiful, the people that we meet. The ones that really, really touched me the most is the ones that don't do the course in miracles.  And these people are like, I don't know what's happening to me, and then they're getting like super happy. And that's what I love. And then even like people can be very, very timid, you know? They don't know the course in miracles. But then all of a sudden they start sharing their miracle stories. And we just start getting lit up by this. And this happened to me, then that happened to me. And it's like, yeah, everyone was supposed to meet. It's like, oh, go and meet this brother. Are we supposed to go in and we go here? Then we meet these friends, then we meet this one. And then, do you want to come to this house? Yeah, let's go to this house then. And we just don't even know what we're turning up.  And then that's when the healing takes place for people.  And all these things are happening around us. This guy was really beautiful actually. He wasn't into the course, but we were in the house with his friend that was into the course. And at the end of our stay there, I said, hey, I just want to say how grateful I am. We all have dinner together. And I just said, I just want to say how grateful I am to you for having us. And I know that you weren't into any of this and like you just like really welcomed us in. So I'm just like extremely grateful. And we all went round and then everybody went round and shared their gratefulness. And he said, and he said, I don't know what's gone on since you've come here. But he said, all I can describe it as, he said, you have brought fresh air to this house. It feels like all of the windows have been opened up, all of the doors have been opened up and there's just a stream of fresh air coming through. And he said, and I don't know what's got into me. He said, but I've got so much energy inside of me and I'm feeling so happy. And we were just like, oh, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. And the end he said, but the most important thing is that you put me in touch again with that spark of the love that I have for God that I lost many, many years ago. And I will never forget that. Yeah, yeah. So that was what I said. Followers were like crying. Yeah, it makes you cry. You know, when you're talking to, you're reminding me that that's what I discovered when I was going around, I was actually meeting I think more people that were not in the course than that were in the course because of course, the United States is a big country. So when you travel, which I was usually traveling by car in the early days, you meet people at gas stations, rest areas, parks, picnic areas.   A lot of them didn't even, it never came up. You know, we never care for joy. It just never came up. So when you're talking, that's just reminding me how this is so different. I think sometimes people think they have an idea of what a traveling Course in Miracles teacher is, you know, just going from hotel to hotel to city to city to group to group. And this is an actual living experience. Every single moment of every day, you're in prayer. You don't turn, you don't have a little switch.  And then I have a day or two to turn the switch on and then turn the switch off. This isn't the same. This is actually moment by moment inspired living. This is like living a Course in Miracles, living the teachings of Jesus, having a direct contact with Jesus so that you pray and you're told where to go. Maybe you could share, that happened to you right before you came here. You were telling me that in England, you were supposed to go to a house for gathering and then it was like an hour, over an hour drive, an hour, an hour and a half. And then right before you were leaving, you were told that there somebody in the house, the husband that had COVID. And then everything just shifted in that moment, like on a dime, everything just shifted. Yeah, so basically 15 minutes before we were about to drive for an hour and 10 minutes to the place, I get a message from the host saying, Spanner in the works, my husband's got COVID and we were doing the gathering in the house. She's like, do we still go ahead? Okay, so we sit here and pray. I said, well, I feel like we're still supposed to go ahead. She says, I've tested negative. So do we all feel good? She said, I'm gonna try and move everything. So she's in the midst of speaking to everybody, moving everything. Within the 15 minutes, it was all handled. A friend said, you can do it in my garden. She ran out there, got all that set up there. And then her other friend said, they can come and stay with me, I've got a spare bed. So we said, well, we're just gonna get in the car anyway and just see what happens. Yeah, at this point, we jumped in the car. We actually didn't know if we were gonna go ahead or not. We're going in that direction. So we said, no, we're still good to go, let's go. And we're trusting that everything will work out because we can see all this gallery, we're just so good. We still didn't have a place. She had said, we don't have a place here, we just jumped in the car. And we're like, okay, we'll just go there and see what happens. If the gallery happens, great, if not, then great. And then so basically we get there, it's all absolutely perfect. Everybody turns up, it was literally very effortless. And then the friend was super excited about having us.  And it was like, it was perfect because it was like for her healing that obviously something was there. And she was pretty brand new to the course of miracles. And after the event, she had all these grievances with another one of her friends. And the friend came round and then she's got all of this emotion coming up. And it was just after your movie, we'd watched the movie. And then I'll come down the stairs just in the middle of it. They said, I'm glad you turned up because we're arguing here. And so then she like shared all of her private parts. It was absolutely beautiful. She was kind of quite resistant to the eye, to some of the things I had to say in the beginning. And it was really funny, but I was really like loving working with her. And then she was just like, getting it, I'm more of a profound and deep level. And she's like, I get it, I get it, I get it. And like, she was just like so grateful. And it was like, oh my God, that was the reason why we were staying with her because we needed to spend more time.  And it's like, okay, thank you. So it was like, we never, ever, truly know who we're supposed to meet. It seemed we looked like you're going, this is what always happens. We, I say, we're going seemingly for this. And then we come for this, you know, Jesus has got like a huge, great plan that is beyond anything, a week of the whole thing. Yeah, and it really feels like, it's almost like we just like, you know, we're just getting going along, going to wherever we're meant to go. Almost like we're just like observing the whole thing happening. But it just feels like we're just like there, not much has happened. Maybe we, you know, we're just talking or whatever. We're not saying anything, you know, anything.  And it's just like Jesus is just showering and convincing us all the time, all the time. Like it's been for us, definitely. Mystery question, just for us, just to convince us and like to trust in such a big way. Really, we have to, we have to. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's like, that's the biggest lesson I think is that it's always your own lesson. It's not really about persons or other people's lessons. Because here it is, you do, you're in the middle of engaging something and kind of as you walk down and you just walk into the middle of an argument to people arguing. And they don't have to be core students. This is just the presence of love is there and the presence of love knows how to come through and bring peace. Like Jesus says, whenever you believe anything is lacking in any situation, what you are failed to give. But I'm glad you're bringing this up because I think a lot of times people will work with the course in a kind of a very intellectual way and then they have online groups and they form these big online groups and then they like bicker and banter and argue about interpretations of a sentence or a paragraph. And this is so different than that. This is like, you're actively saying yes to spirit, to Jesus. Use me as a miracle worker. You really don't know, you're showing up. You don't know the specifics. You just know that you're there to be helpful. You're there to bring peace. Like Saint Francis, Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. That's like the prayer of the heart. And then everything is taken care of. In fact, here this week, we're just getting ready to go into an online retreat and a Saturday movie session. But the theme this week is miracles are involuntary. What you're sharing right now is that's totally on theme. This is like Jesus, starting the retreat on Thursday the day before we started because you're just witnessing how you don't have control over what to say, what to do, where to go. Many people might say that doesn't even sound human. And it's really not. It's almost like the spirit is channeling through the mind and using the bodies to speak and to smile and laugh and hug.  Kind of like an exorcism because it was repressed for so long and then she just felt your loving presence and then all that allowance and how the spirit gently guided you to work with her. And then now she's still friends to this day. Let me know when you come around, people will never forget that moment when they were able to open up and heal from all this bottled up tension and bottled up conflict, taking it personally, holding a grievance and then suddenly the air, everything is clear. It's so miraculous. Yeah, that's it. Because as you said, really it's always our healing and it's like they reflect that and it's beautiful. It's really, it's always fulfilling my heart. So it's like, I feel so blessed and everything that's coming is just perfect for what I need to learn, you know? And that's like, it's always like the opposite of what you're like, they're coming for me. And it's like really for me to be letting go all of the time. And that's what I've seen on this trip for me. It's like, I can't be in my old way any longer. You know, I've seen like, I've got to do it. I've got to get it done. I'm responsible. And it's like, this has been the real sort of like dismantling for me. And just like, then there's just been like a lot of emotion with all of that because it was all part of these ideas about myself. And obviously really underneath it all was like all of this unworthiness that I was trying to cover up and having to be strong and realizing that I was feeling scared and I was feeling frightened. And I just had this self-concept that was like, everything's all right. I'm going to handle everything, yeah, as I did. And seemingly it's carried me along the spiritual journey and it's given me a lot of muster to have the next lesson to stand up again. But it's like now it's like falling away. And I can't like rely on that energy. That energy isn't even there. So then there's this falling apart happening for me. And then I just feel like, oh my God, it comes away with unworthiness, yeah. And I've just got to sit there. It's like three a.m. in the morning. This is coming, washing through me. Wow, I feel really scared. Okay, this is what I'm going through. But it's been really enjoyable, right? Because before, I haven't been in touch with any of these emotions because I'm going to do it, I'm going to get it done. And so I just didn't realize that that was such a defense that I was really, really scared and frightened. And now I just go, wow, or not knowing there was just such idea like I've got to know all this protectionism as well. Like I don't know, I've just played it out for years. I have no idea where it came from. It's like since a child, I've always felt I've got to protect everyone. And it's just like this task that cannot be met yet. And I repeat it over and over and over again. I'm just like, when am I going to learn this lesson?  But this time it's like, I'm seeing it more and more. And like, I don't have the answers, right? And then like there's like, I've been able to cry. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. I feel scared. I feel frightened. And I'm with the people, yeah. And it's like, I've just got to share, I'm feeling it. I'm like, I'll just go share it. I'm like sharing it. That's so much for me. That's like me, during the early years when I was going around, I was just totally winging it. I had so much emotions. I had like a six hour car ride and an eight hour car ride and I'm driving and I'm listening to music and I'm crying and I'm feeling like generally like a mess and thinking there's actually, I'm supposed to speak at the next town because you're driving next six hours, eight hours thinking, well, Jesus, I'm glad you're in charge because I feel like a mess. I'm gonna trust that I'm gonna be sane by the time I get to the town. And that sounds like, you know, it's just so transparent for people because I think what happens is what you're talking about now is people are so identified with the personality and with the protectionisms and defense mechanisms or maybe even just with skills and abilities, you know, like people maybe have never met you and they're just watching for the first time. Yeah, usually I have like 50 or 70 people. There's 3,595 people watching. I got the rock stars on today. I'm like, we're up in Oprah Winfrey range. We're just being transparent. But the thing is, you know, people don't know that Ken gave himself over into psychotherapy and allowed all of that to be used as a phase of opening up the heart. You know, when you're doing psychotherapy, that's very intimate. And you really, I think you learn to pray. You learn to ask for help. And Anna, you've had such amazing like graphic artistry skills and technical skills. And I know you did like Svava's for the cover for her albums and all kinds of things.  It throws you just out there and says, here, deal with this and just pray. So I think maybe that's the thing that you got from all of this is you just have really learned how to really pray in a sincere way. Help me, help me. And that's the greatest thing that if you had to just say one thing, if you just pray and you ask for help, moment by moment as you go along or wherever you need it, instead of trying to figure it out emotionally or intellectually, you just dive in and pray, then suddenly you start to realize this miracles are involuntary and it's like you're being carried on some kind of a carpet ride with tears, still tears going down your face, but sometimes tears of joy.  I mean, all my emotions were just, I was all over the show. I mean, it was just like, it looked like how to me, but it was like completely crazy because everything around me was like this miracle which we just dived in place. And so I couldn't be responsible. I don't know how that retreat actually went. Well, no idea. Because I don't know what was going on with me, but I also got terrible. And we were sitting in the morning praying for the gathering that's about to start. I'm like, Ken, I feel horrible. And he said, tell me about it, I need to. I was like, we need help. We can go like, do you know where people are? He says, help now, you know. It was amazing.  And then everything just comes out of us in this involuntary way. Everyone's having this amazing, hard opening experiences. And we're just like observing like, wow. He says, you're real. I'm trapped because I have no idea what's going on. It was like, pray, do the session. The session's like amazing. Go back and fall apart. Pray, do the session fall apart. This was the whole thing. And all the time I'm hearing outside is people laughing, people crying, people letting go. I mean, it was just incredible going around me. And I'm like, wow, Jesus, you've really got it. Because I definitely have it. Like, it has really, really brought me to that place. I don't know. I don't know. But in a deep place, I almost like feeling I'm on my hands and knees and say, I don't know. And I'm holding your hand, Jesus. And you need to help me. And you need to show me. I have no idea how to interpret the world that I see. I think I'm seeing all these things. And you're telling me I'm completely wrong about what I'm seeing. So I just need so much help. I'm from that place. Like, I feel like then everything can start from that place. I don't know. I was reading that session not long ago, where he explains all about that. And I was like, yes, yes, that's so true. So true. Every time I am in that place, and I ask for help, he always does in one way or another. Yeah. Because it's like even the practical things. This is what makes me laugh as well. Like, sometimes you could be so sort of present, but you forget the logistics. And then things are just completely handled. So for example, we met with a friend. And she said, let's go into the town. And we parked in the car park. And literally as we're walking along, I said to her, do we know how long we've got on the car park? And then with that moment, the person who paid for their ticket in front of us walked to us and said, don't forget, you've got 30 minutes still left on your ticket. Yes. No, that was amazing. It was this lady. When we parked, she was doing the ticket at the same time when we had a little chat. And then we saw her again in the town. And she said, hey, don't forget, you're parking 30 minutes. So we're like, oh, my God. We didn't know how long we had there. Oh, I'm just sitting down. We say, oh, let's have a coffee here. I sit down. I'm sitting there. And all of a sudden, my antenna tunes into these people's conversation. And they say, do you know you can get this bus from here? And it's only this and it's only that. Thank you, Jesus. And then there's my bus. Yeah, there it is. Yeah. That's probably the most striking thing is that not only are miracles involuntary, but you can actually keep even going deeper into that experience where, as Jesus says in the Course, if you'll allow me to pour miracles, perform miracles through you, I will handle time and space. Or he told me at the beginning, and he says in the Course, I will handle everything that does not matter. He's actually talking about all the logistics of time and space, which can be quite complex. He will handle all of that if we just show up with the open heart, with the, lead me, Jesus, guide me. And I think that's the thing. Maybe that's why I enjoy when I'm out and about and when I do a gathering where there's a lot of mixed, we'll call it mixed audience because like one time I did a gathering with Francis in Los Angeles and Miriam, our friend, opened up her residential clubhouse and the requirement to use the clubhouse is you had to put an invitation at everybody's doorstep in the entire residential community. And she was like, I hope this is okay. I said, that's wonderful. I said, it's California. It's LA, everybody's into spirituality anyway. So, and there was a few people that came that knew of the Course, but most of them didn't. And those are my favorite gatherings because you're just there with your brothers and sisters just sharing the love in your heart. They feel it, you feel it. And it's not like there's no pre-arranged stereotypes of anything. It's just joy, just sharing the joy. And I think, I mean, maybe you can talk a little bit about this, but I felt so honored how Jesus could use travel. You know, sometimes when we're used to living in the same building all the time, it can almost be a heaviness. Like you start to get familiar with things. There's a routine or something. And you start to feel more like it's a nine to five job and you're living in a house or in a building. And then that's just thoughts, but still it doesn't feel good. But when you're traveling, there's so many seeming variables and there's so many things that you're just kind of enjoying what shows up. Like, look at this, did you hear that?  You don't know how you're gonna get back. And then suddenly a late afternoon, a late night bus is there leaving, going back to the place you have to go.  People, that sounds kind of, it sounds almost like a fairy tale. It always felt to me like I was watching a fairy tale while it was all happening. Because there was no rhyme or reason to it. It was just felt like I was carried. But when I would just try to describe a few bits of it, people would go, oh, you're talking about it like it's a fairy tale. And I thought, well, that's what it feels like. I'm just here and with you what I'm feeling. And so it's quite amazing, really. Yeah, like I really felt on this kid how like he has almost felt like Jesus is just like sending us to these houses, always something reckless happened or invited somewhere or whatever. But it almost feels like Jesus just sent me to this house for one week or however many days to fully live that life in a way because we just come in into this new world. It almost feels like that. This new whole thing, everything's new again, new kitchen, new everything. And so we enter into this person's world. And then I just feel like I just embrace whatever is there fully. And then all the love is so beautiful when we have to say our goodbyes or whatever.  And then it's like, okay, onto the next one. Again, submerging and just absorbing everything. But I was telling the other day to my friend I just felt like Jesus has had us like living all this, like many lives, many, many lives just to see like what you truly want is forgiveness. And that is the only thing that is actually what you want. It's not in this life or the other or the other. We enjoy whatever it shows up in that place or the connections, the conversations. And then it's like, okay, we hold it and then it's time to let it go, let it go and jump onto the next. It has been so beautiful. Yeah, you're like living a version of this Turkish show and show another life. You're like, yeah, sure is another life. And yet it is like episodes. Like when you go to stay with a host, it turns into an episode. And then the next episode can be completely different in the form, but the purpose is the same to give it over to Jesus to make me an instrument. Let me be used in a purposeful, helpful way. That grows strong in your heart, but the form changes so much. I was the last time I did it last Saturday, I did an episode I popped in because Pete was doing the Q and A and my friend Teresa who came to the monastery who's part of a Renovato, she came on and she said, it's hard for me to formulate with this Turkish series of what I really wanna ask, but then she just said, how is it gonna end? And this kind of experience where you're like lifted and carried, you don't really have that question anymore. You're so present that you're not seeing it as the serial life. In fact, this afternoon here at the monastery, I found a new Star Trek episode in strange new worlds and the whole things about time that the captain gets a premonition of eight years in the future when he will die. He sees how he'll die, he sees the people that will also die and it weighs heavy on him. And then the episode I'm gonna show in about three hours or so is called a quality of mercy where it goes into the whole depth that linear time is the trick. And he wants to change the future and he wants to save himself and the people. And because he wants things to be different than they are, he wants the script to be different. A giant war starts in the future in which millions of people die because of some of the decisions he has to make. But his higher self shows up to him and says, here's a time crystal, all you have to touch it. And I'm just gonna show you some scenes from the future so that you can basically be humble and come back and not go there, not go down those timelines. And I think that's really what you're doing. When you're traveling and you're just being used from one scenario to the next, it starts to become obvious that the healing is in the mind and it's not interpersonal, which that's the big trick of the world. That's why we need therapists. We believe we need therapists because it's this interpersonal mess when really it's just a misperception. We're just not seeing the big picture. We're not seeing the whole. But when you give yourself over so fully to just say, use me, Jesus, I don't care wherever you wanna take me, take me, use me however you want, then that brings in a huge experience and tears of love and joy start pouring and you start to realize, oh my God, this is what I was really praying for. I didn't know the form it would take, but obviously there is one inside me who does know the form. Yeah, that's what's important that we have to be transparent with one another to keep clear in our mind of whatever we're feeling and whatever fears and the doubt force that come through. So that's been really, really important. Just being honest, really, like not having to put on a brave face about anything and none of that, you know, the cause is in my mind. And then the outward reflects whatever is going on in my mind. So then it's like, hmm, so it's always revealing itself to you as to what you need to heal. So it's- Yeah, and again, and then when you're up. And you can't attach to anything because it's always like, yeah. You guys are describing and demonstrating the holy relationship, because whenever that topic comes up, people have so many ideas from the past that they try to project on to the relationship, which really doesn't really, it isn't the holiness. The holiness is this light within that's been covered over and your transparency is really a demonstration of what the Course calls the holy relationship. It's very different. Cause then people say, I want a holy relationship. I'm watching and I'm seeing Ken and Anna and I'm thinking, I want that. I want that. And then we're here sharing, well, all it takes is transparency. If you pray, you stay open and you're transparent, Jesus will do it for you. You don't even have to figure it out. Or you can't plan it. So that's for sure. You can't plan it. Yeah, yeah, whatever our lessons are, cause that's what we're always praying for. Bring up whatever is in my unconscious mind that needs to be healed. I don't have to worry about that. Just bring it up, Jesus.  Yeah, I know. It's not like we plan to come with each other, you know? Oh my God, we were like together. Okay, baby, we want to go together, you know? Nothing like that.  And I was like, whoa, we're going to Spain. Here we go, you know? Then rattling continues because it's been like such huge healing, you know, apparently between us, which is not really it, but the kind of mirroring that's been going on, you know? It's been like intense, incredible. Thank you so much. And very, very challenging at times. And with massive openings of forgiveness too, and just a lot of humbleness over and over again, this is not this problem. You know, if I see it, is it going to stay in my mind? And that's where I need to pray for help. So see this differently. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's holy. That is holy. I feel the same feeling like when you used to do those shows together, we're praying all day, then you came out and you were sitting there together and your eyes were closed and you were just still carrying the prayer and then not knowing what you would say or do. And then it came through so gracefully, so deep, so reverent. And everyone feels it. So I think this is kind of a symbol that is very helpful because a lot of times people feel like they have a role to play in a very sense of personal role. And you both have had so many skills and abilities and you've been put in so many different situations before this trip, before these trips over to Europe and England. And now it's almost like it's just taking you deeper, deeper down the rabbit hole, like you're just saying, okay, I'm going to the light and I'm surrendered and I'm going to let the light take me there instead of like believing I personally have to make the right moves or do the right things. A lot of pressure and stress when we believe that personally we have to solve the riddle or figure our way back to heaven when really we just have to pray and ask and then it all is shown. So grateful, like he truly knows the way to our heart. He just keeps repeating all over and over again. He knows, you know, he knows how to reach you. He knows. And if I can be in that place with my heart open and in that place, as you say, like he just shows it in front of us, you know? That's what I want. Take me with you. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for coming on. You were just in Spain for two hours now. You're almost coming to the three hour mark and you already have a woman you need to connect with. Jesus is giving you the prompt. So we are all graced by your presence to come and share. And we knew this would happen. We were just waiting for the right internet. Wow, I got the prompt and I didn't even know that you just had landed. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny because I'd only just set up my computer. We literally got to the house. I just set up my computer and I was like sending out because then we got another gathering come through. So I'm sending out an eczema, you call me. It was perfect timing. And I was on calls. There's just calls coming in everywhere. Yeah, and we were like alone. So our friend had to go out. So we were just like sending in. So thank you. But that is it, though, isn't it? Because it's like 10 months of traveling and people saying you've got 10 months of traveling. I said, I don't feel tired at all. And they said, wow, you've really put on some gatherings, haven't you? I said, we haven't done a thing. We haven't even organized a thing. I said, I don't even feel it. I can't take responsibility for any of that. I was like, listen, I was nothing to do with it. Because it's just come to us, hasn't it? We haven't tried to do anything. And it's just, it's almost like the breadcrumbs. The phone rings. I was like, I don't even know where they get my number from. I get ring, hello. No, you don't know me. Okay, then, yeah, can we meet up? Yeah, sure. And I think, where did they come from? Yeah, yeah, beautiful. Well, you are, this is the day before we start our online monthly retreat. Miracles are involuntary. And you are a perfect examples of that. Because when I called Ken answered, Anna was talking in a Spanish call. And I was speaking to him English. And he said, I got a headset. I put the headsets on. We had a little joining. Then Anna came over and then here we are. So the spirit arranges time and space for us. That's one of the teachings of the Course that most people are like, how does the spirit arrange time and space? And how does that fit what the script is written? And it's like, well, one step at a time. While you believe you're human, it's fun to have things arranged. And then you start to get more into the observer, like watching it all and feeling like who you are is not in the world or not in the characters. It's about like a movie, but you're demonstrating miracles are actually indeed involuntary. Okay, well, beautiful. Carry on. And I'm sure everybody who's watched today just feels their heart bursting open with blessings. So we were so grateful. And I wish you well. And maybe will you be on the weekend retreat or the... Yeah, we're going to be there. We'll be there for that. We've got a road trip as well on the Saturday and we're going to get there early. Then we'll be at the movies. We'll be at the movies. Okay, you're not going to miss that movie. All right. Okay. Many blessings. Thank you so much, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you. Many blessings. Bye bye.