Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Astley of johnathastley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, what is it again? The seven signs you're important and you're valuable to them. The seven signs you're important and valuable to them. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms.  Excuse me, heart-centered, a little direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So again, all I ask is you give it a chance. All right, let's talk about the seven signs the man thinks of you as being important and valuable. Well, obviously, when we've reached a stage of a relationship where a man actually thinks of you as important and valuable, you have had to have gone through the dating process.  It is a clusterfuck out there because of these devices, because of these devices, the access to people we wouldn't otherwise meet in our life. But wait, Jonathan, isn't that a good thing? Absolutely, it's a good thing to have access to people you wouldn't have otherwise have access to in your daily life. However, all of this access has created this false perception of choice and this false perception of abundance. I repeat this false perception of choice and a false perception of abundance. In other words, if it doesn't work out with this person, I can just go back online and do it again and again and again. And sadly, the problem with dating today is when you've done it again and again and again, guess what the byproduct of this is? For many people, if they've had one experience that didn't work out after another experience that didn't work out after another experience that didn't work out after another experience that didn't work out. I know that sounded repetitive but I'm just trying to illustrate a point. It can wear on us emotionally. And I say us, this is true of men and women alike. This isn't solely a woman thing. It's a male thing as well. This repetitive dating that's happening today and what I mean is a lot of starts and stops, starts and stops, starts and stops, starts weighing on our emotional well-being. And sadly, we're already dealing with a population. The vast majority of human beings are already suffering in some way, shape or form, not feeling good enough, not feeling love, not feeling likable. And dating triggers this like nobody's business if you've had one experience after another, after another. Sometimes it might feel like rejection. Sometimes it might feel like hurt when your affections don't go reciprocated. So can you see why we're dealing with a dynamic that's making it very difficult for people to actually couple together? And part of that problem is dating today because we're meeting total strangers for the most part. It's becoming rare that we actually meet people in an organic setting and more so meeting someone in a setting where you actually know their family, they know your friends, you actually have this base of familiarity. And because of that, the dating process has been hyper-focused on chemistry and romance, chemistry and romance to take the relationship off the ground. You know, I was thinking for a moment just before I started this live stream, you know, I was thinking of my son when he was in college. He had a girlfriend, they met in class, then they eventually went to, they did, I think they did debate together. So they had a couple of class together, they did debate together. They got to know each other over a period of time. They had mutual friends, they socialized together. And at one point he said, do you wanna grab a cup of coffee? And that was the beginning of their dating process but there was already this built-in familiarity. In fact, they lived on campus so there was this kind of emotional safety net already built in. Did you hear that? Emotional safety net. And this is the problem we're dealing with today is that for the most part, most people, men and women alike don't feel emotionally safe with one another. And this has caused one of the fundamental problems with dating today is that dating today is hyper-focused on what I can get versus what I can give. I'm gonna repeat that, what I can get. And this is true of men and women alike. It's hyper-focused from a place of I need to get all my needs met before I give you any of my needs. Let me think about that. I need all my needs met before I can even give to you. So as I shared in my previous broadcast, it's almost becoming a stalemate of who cares the least. And this is why stupid books like The Rules that came out that's all centered around playing hard to get might temporarily work with those control freaks or those anxious attachment type men or people that are dysfunctional. Yes, it temporarily works for people like that but relationships aren't taking off the ground. They're not blossoming. They're not flourishing into the kind of relationship where you feel important and you feel valued. And I'm gonna share in a moment what that looks like and what it feels like so you can be prepared. But I'm here to say it's really important nowadays to let go of this narrative that's so hyper focused on chemistry and romance and understanding the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm gonna show it for everyone, put up on the screen. You can see the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline says attraction. Below the waterline it says compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. These are the more important factors to be considering in the early stages of dating. But Jonathan, I've been told that I just need to sit back in my feminine energy and just let the man do all the work. Yeah, in a misogynistic patriarchal society, that works well temporarily. And by the way, how well does that work when you're with the guy who's a control freak a narcissist or worse, he's a sociopath in some point.  Do you wanna give your relationship destiny to the wrong person? This is why I continually say ladies, men are not in charge of your relationship destiny, you're in charge of your relationship destiny. And since the dieting dynamic is more hyper focused on chemistry, which is all about lust and limerence. I'm gonna repeat that, it's about lust and limerence. Most people couple together. I mean, people are having sex by the first, second or third date and there is nothing wrong with that, except this. I've known plenty of people who've gotten married who had sex on the first, second or third date. That's not the issue. The issue is, does this person share the same values with me? Does this person's lifestyle gonna blend with mine? And is this person emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship with me?  My whole coaching program is centered around helping women, vet men, and I'll talk about vetting in a second, for partnership, I'm all about partnership. My whole content is designed to talk more about partnership than situationships, casual relationships, or friends with benefits. And sadly, do you know what? Most, a lot of women are in a friends with benefits relationship, but they just don't know about it. And what I mean is, they're so oblivious to the fact that this person isn't treating them important or with value that I'm about to share in a second. All right, so that's all the bad stuff, right? What's the good stuff, Jonathan? Well, you know what? People are still falling in love every day it's happening. As I say continually, most people, most men are good guys, they're just bad daters. And yes, there is a significant percentage of the population who is emotionally stunted and has weak relationship skills or has dysfunctional relationship skills, but this is true for women, just like men. I swear, it so fascinates me how women believe that there's so much better at relationship because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings, but that doesn't mean that you actually communicate in a healthy, happy way. This is why I continually recommend everybody reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It should have been titled Compassionate Communication because through healthy communication can you actually build a strong relationship? And just like I said before, just because women can vomit their feelings doesn't necessarily mean that they're expressive of their feelings. And certainly we know men are very guarded with their feelings, very guarded with their feelings. And they say started to share in this earlier part of this broadcast, it's because we're meeting total strangers. We don't feel safe with one another. This is why I highly recommend checking out this book by Malcolm Gladwell called Talking to Strangers. What you should know about the people you don't know. Folks, it's time to become radically honest. It's time to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Now, let me just say this. When I say vulnerable, authentic and transparent, I do not mean divulging secrets to a total stranger. What I'm talking about when I say vulnerable, authentic and transparent is be upfront as to what you're looking for in a relationship. And yet sadly, I'm covering my face sadly, women come to me for private coaching. They all know what they want. It's all up in the 40,000 foot level. It's in the clouds, it's in the fantasy realm. And I say this because women who go through my private coaching continually say the same thing. Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married that knucklehead? Folks, most of you women have a fantasy-based way of what you're looking for in a relationship. And I, listen, I do hundreds of coaching sessions a year. Every woman thinks she knows what she wants. And as I said before, they go through my coaching program and they realized through a basis of education or a reeducation, do they have a better understanding of what to look for that shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity.  You're with a guy. How do you know if he actually is serious about a relationship? How do you know if he treats you important? How do you know if he looks at you with value? Well, I'm about to share those seven things with you right now. I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses.  So number one, they appreciate you and your efforts. They appreciate you and their efforts. You know what? It saddens me today how infrequently people actually use the words, I appreciate you. I'm grateful for you. I thank you for your efforts. When people, and by the way, everything I'm sharing here goes both ways. Men and women alike. So even though I'm sharing what help, men treat you as important and valuable, I wanna encourage women to do the exact same thing here. Is appreciation is one of the fundamental needs of most human beings. For a successful relationship, you need attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance, appreciation. And I wanna invite you all to start using the words. I appreciate you. And my hope is when you're with a man who genuinely looks at you as important and value, values you, he is going to say thank you for your efforts. He's gonna say I'm grateful for your efforts. He's gonna be saying I appreciate you because that's a great sign. He looks at you as important and valuable. Okay, number two, he understands you have a life and other priorities. Basically what I'm saying here, he doesn't make you feel guilty if you can't meet his timeline of spending time together. I'm gonna repeat that. He doesn't make you feel guilty if you can't spend time at his timeline.  When you expect men to lead the relationship, here's your problem, ladies. When you say to your dating and you're saying, hey, what are you looking for? And he says, I want a relationship. And you go, I want a relationship too. Great, okay. His idea of a relationship might be, well, I see you at my beck and call. Your idea might look like something like mine. I'd like to spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional lives, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's what a relationship looks like for me. But you said to him, he says he wants a relationship. He, a lot of times when you leave it up to the guy, he's gonna treat you at your beck and call.   And that's a guy who genuinely cares about you. Number three, these men like this listen to you carefully and they respond from a grown-up perspective. I repeat that they respond from a grown-up perspective. What I mean to say is sadly here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness and worse, we're suckling on the nipple of I'm right and you're wrong.  We are so indoctrinated in victim consciousness and worse, I'm right and you're wrong.  And more importantly, they actually validate what you say. You know, it fascinates me how many times I'm communicating with women on dating apps and how I say something to them and they don't acknowledge it. They go straight to wanting to talk about themselves. That's why I said earlier, humans are more focused on their own needs, what they can get versus what they can give. And this is a terrible thing that's happening today. So when you're with a guy who genuinely listens to you and validates what you have to say, you're on the untrack of having a keeper. Okay, number four, they ask for your advice. They ask for your advice and they value your opinion. A man who genuinely cares about you, he wants your advice and not advice on what restaurant to go to, although that's an okay thing too, but he asks for your advice on maybe something personal in his life and he values your opinion. That is a great sign that he values you and he thinks you're important. When a man can look to you and say, I want your advice. I mean, that's really saying a lot because a lot of people, by the way, control freaks, narcissists, misogynists type of personalities, it's all on their terms. They could care less what you think.  I'm hoping that you actually meet the men who genuinely care about you and a man who cares about you is gonna seek your advice. And number five, they understand and accept that you have boundaries, that you have boundaries and boundaries is simply, I love what Brene Brown says about boundaries. She says, what's okay and what's not okay for me? Ladies, chapter one in my book, my book is called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? There's a link below to get my book. Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. And chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Ladies, it's time to speak up. If something doesn't feel right, then speak up because we men aren't mind readers. And we actually, if we value you and we think you're important, we actually appreciate your boundaries.  They make you a priority in life. In other words, look at guys who are always busy, busy, busy, busy, women are always busy, busy, busy.  That's not treating you as important. That's not treating you as valuable.  Now, let me be clear here. We all have important things to do in our lives. You know, we might have our children, we might have our work. And what I'm trying to say here is a man treats you as important as all the other things he had in his life before you, when you two are actually in that state of getting, you know, you're building a relationship together and you're falling in love with each other. So, and their priority is based on, they have all their priorities in their life, all these important things, and they put you up in that category of importance. That's a great sign that he values you and thinks you're important. And number seven, number seven, what does it say? Oh, they use long-term thinking. Their terminology with you is always from a long-term perspective. In other words, they're progressing the relationship forward and they start to even use we language. You know, when we take a trip, when we buy a home, when we do this. And I don't mean the guys that say this on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, eighth book.  I'm talking about the guys who say this language after you've established a relationship. When a man is progressing the relationship forward, he's thinking long-term and he actually uses we language. That's a great sign that he thinks that you're valuable and then you're important to them. So let me recap this really quickly. They appreciate you and your efforts. They understand you have a life and other priorities. Number three, they listen to you carefully and respond like a grown-up. Number four, they ask for your advice and they value your opinion. Number five, they understand and accept your boundaries.   And if men aren't doing these things, you have to ask yourself, does he really value me? Does he really think I'm important? And if you need some help with that, schedule a discovery call with me. If you're with a guy that you can't figure out, schedule a call with me. Let's get on a coaching call and I can help you determine if he's the right guy for you. All right, that covers the content portion of our live stream. Now we're gonna jump into the Q&A. Those who know my live streams know that if you're on live right now, there's a chat box in the corner. You can write the word question and then post the question there after. Write the word question so it's easier for me to find or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. Super Sticker Super Chat, there's a little dollar sign in the box below. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's a picture of him right there with me. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development help and also to donate to the charities, a personal development that I think are very valuable which includes the Hoffman process and Insight seminars. Google Insight seminars. It is amazing along with the Hoffman process. All right, I think it's time to take questions. Let me put on my trusty glasses. I wanna thank Andrea and Nancy for saying hi and TF as well, we've got B who's written in. Question, have you read for women only by shot T by whoever the hell that is. If so, what do you think about the discussion that the biologically many women's brains are wired differently and how they process emotions? First off, I'm not familiar with that book and I'm certainly vaguely familiar with the understanding of our hemispheres and how we process emotions.  Just because we process it different doesn't mean that the end result shouldn't be relatively the same. What I mean is how you process your emotions might be different. What's most important that you actually process your emotions that you're actually introspective. You know, the vast majority of the population has, listen, if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I'm gonna show it here. Here's a chart of what I believe, and by the way, this is not a fact, this is an opinion, roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. They have absolutely terrible relationship skills. And then roughly over here, I say 20% of the population is emotionally healthy. I'm being ridiculously generous when I say 20%. And the vast majority of human beings are dysfunctional.  That's because most human beings are unaware that they have childhood wounds and traumas, or adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that cause them to have dysfunctional relationship skills. This is why I continually recommend everybody getting the book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. So you can actually become an introspective person and start to actually understand how your feelings work. You know, furthermore, you know, here's the thing, a lot of people are completely unaware from a dating, mating or relating perspective that they actually choose partners very similar to the dysfunctionality they experienced in their childhood. And if you're not familiar with the book by Harbell Hendricks and Helen Hunt called Getting the Love You Want, this talks about what's called the amago. This is where, look it, when women choose emotionally unavailable men, it's most likely because their father was emotionally unavailable. When men choose women who are bitches, most likely he had a very dominant mother. And what happens is humans gravitate to what feels familiar. Because remember I said earlier, that we barely have any emotional safety in the early stages of dating. So what happens is when two dysfunctional people meet, and by the way, every woman thinks that, I'm sorry, I've got to say something.   Okay, I'm just gonna say it's equal.  But what happened, and by the way, women choose terrible partners all the time, just like men choose terrible partners. And part of this is also because many human beings don't understand love attachment style, love attachment style. If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking this out to understand how we choose the wrong partners in our lives. So once we get a better understanding of this, we actually can start processing our emotions in a much healthier way. So okay, I get that biologically speaking, men's the hemisphere in their brain and everything, and men don't process emotions the same. But guess what? Dysfunctional, it doesn't matter if you're a dysfunctional human being, how you process your emotions, what you have to do is learn how to process your emotions. Now here's the challenge. Because most human beings, men and women alike, do very little personal development, self-help and spiritual work to actually shore up.  I say it's a vaccination to emotional chaos because what my goal here, by the way, it's interesting. I'm not even sure if I'm a dating coach. Someone said to me, Jonathan, you're more of a life coach because you're talking about things that more have to do with life than dating. But why, my book isn't a dating book. It's a inner peace book. And I say it's a vaccination to emotional chaos because men and women alike do a terrible job navigating their emotions. Women, as I said, tend to vomit their emotions and men tend to be more stoic with their emotions, but it doesn't mean you're gonna have a healthy, happy relationship. What's going to create a healthy, happy relationship is emotional intimacy, emotional intimacy into me you see. And if you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out, Emotional Intimacy. And by the way, you should be reading this with the guy you're with.  This is a roadmap to determine if the two of you are a good fit for one another. And then once you determine you're a good fit, start reading this book. And if you need more assistance, I highly recommend reading these two books. How to build trust in a relationship. Oops. And couples communication. Okay, you see these books? Jonathan, your channel is only about making me read books and read books and read books. Yes, folks, stop being so naive.  I mean, you'd have them alone. I'm not even, I can't even pronounce the shoes and the dresses you all wear. You care more about the way you look instead of how you feel on the inside. So I'm recommending 15 to 20 minutes a day of self-love care, not self-care. Self-care is the manicures, the pedicures, that all that stuff. I'm talking about emotional self-care. And if you're not willing to invest, then you know what, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. All right, that was, that's my rant on there. I forgot who posted that question, but I do wanna thank you for that question. Wow, we have lots of questions that come in since. All right. But no, once again, B, I did not read that book, but I don't care. I don't care.  What matters is that you want to work on yourself. Are you with me? Can I get an amen? All right, thank you so much. All right, let's go swimming. Oh, Anne says, where's today's fun mug? Swear a little, you'll feel better. Thank you so much, Anne. All right. Let's go swimming. Leap says amen. Theresa, thank you. All right, G says, question. Is it acceptable to vet a guy through talking on the phone versus in person? I like vetting them through a series of phone calls before deciding to meet them. It seems to work well. G. Wortman, I love your question and the answer is yes, yes, yes. Folks, here's the deal. I want you to think about this for a moment. Imagine you hired a matchmaker and you said matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a man. Their job is to vet somebody fully to determine do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable? And they hopefully vet for emotional maturity. That's what a matchmaker should do. So when they put two people together, they're hoping for chemistry. Now, I'll tell you this, matchmakers do very little vetting because their main focus is just to get, you give them $10,000 so they can make a living. That's my judgment. I'm probably pissing off a few matchmakers. I'm sure there are some good people out there. For the most part, the vast majority of them are basically in it for the money and not actually helping people. But, and I highly doubt they're very good at determining true compatibility, okay? One of my jobs as a coach, my primary job is for a coach, is helping you learn the right questions to ask based on your personality. By the way, there's a link below to a free discovery call with me. But what I'm an expert at is helping you ask the right questions and coming back to G. Wortman's question.  This is the best time to get some of these questions out of the way. I do it all the time. If I think based on something I read in someone's profile if I think there's a potential compatibility mismatch, I bring it up via text message before we ever get on the phone and then some. And when I do on the phone, I'm interrogating a woman. Now I say this tongue in cheek because I'm a conversationalist. I can do this in a very fun, friendly, conversational way, not in a combative way. I just happen to have that skill set because I've been a, I've mastered this over 20, I was in sales for 20 years and now I've been in coaching for 20 or 10, 15 years now. So collectively I have good communication skills to ask these questions. Now if you need some help with that, that's my area of expertise. But I wanna come back to your question. Ladies, interrogate a guy before you ever meet because if you're not a good fit, but Jonathan, you just never know, but Jonathan, you just never know. But folks, how many times have you said, I just never know?  I wished I listened to my intuition.  Except the vast majority.    Now here's the problem why. Why most people are clueless. When you're in your 20s and 30s, when a man's in his 20s and 30s, when he's actually looking to mate with somebody, he's on the hunt for a wife.  So a man is more intentional. The problem with the demographic that I work with, which is midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement, most humans don't know how to blend lives together. When you've got children and you've got elderly parents and you've got your friends. And again, remember most of the time you're meeting strangers. It's very few people know how to blend lives with another human being. You know, it's funny. The TV show Brady Bunch. If you grew up in Baby Boom, Gen X period, you certainly remember the movie, the TV show Brady Bunch. They made it seem so simple. One was a widower, one was divorced. They each had three kids. They moved into this house that had only one, look at one bathroom for six people. And Carol and Mike had their own bathroom and Alice had her own bathroom. So they made it seem like so easy you could blend lives together. The reality is, is most of you are not even thinking about the idea of how you can blend lives because you've been indoctrinated in this fantasy. But if we just love each other, the magic fairy dust is gonna make this thing work out. Listen, love doesn't make a relationship work. What makes a relationship work? Compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity and that chemistry piece. That's what makes a relationship work. It's not love is the icing on the cake. But Jonathan, that's not the way I learned it. I think if we love each other, we should just naturally sacrifice our entire lives for one another. Folks at midlife, most people get very set in their ways. Men in particular are very set in your ways. That's why you better be choosing better. That's why I always recommend asking better questions. You better be choosing that, asking better questions because guess what?  And by the way, a lot of my male contemporary coaches teach a very masculine, a male, let me not say masculine, a male way to date, okay? It's a numbers game. Ladies and men as well, our emotional capacity to handle rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection wears on us thinly. And what happens is to a vast majority of women in particular, you become bitter and jaded and you've given up hope that you can find a great guy. So I'm here to encourage everyone, ask better questions right from the get-go. So you avoid going out with the wrong guy and maybe if the person is compatible with you and you have chemistry together, watch out. All right, so G. Warpman, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, hey, look, Sherry just said I started the Hoffman process, way to go. All right, Amani says, Jonathan, if a guy comes across too nice, is that a red flag? How can I test a guy to make sure he is genuine? That's an interesting question. So first off, I like the fact that a man comes across nice. How do you determine if he's genuine? Start asking better questions. Do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles vulnerable? Is this person an emotional grownup? Purchase two copies of this book and say, hey, dude, if you wanna date me and eventually get your penis inside my vagina, then let's read this book together to see if we're a good fit together or read this book first to determine it. By the way, all the answers you need are in this book. Folks, first off, not all the answers. A lot of answers are in this book, okay?  And that's a good thing. Unless he is hyper-focused on that, then he's not really a nice guy, he's just a horny guy. He could be a nice horny guy. I'm a nice horny guy, but I'm not set on the sex piece. I'm set on the emotional piece of connecting at a heart-centered level and that's my invitation for everyone. So coming back to your question, hey, read this book together. That's gonna be a great, by the way, folks, it's interesting. I've had a number of women tell me that the men that they're dating, okay, so I have women who follow my channel and the guys that they're dating have found out that they're following my channel and these men are furious, they're furious. They're telling these women to stop watching what I have to say because they basically think I'm pandering to women. First and foremost, let me just say this, I'm an equal opportunity judge.  Just because I'm a male coach and I'm your big brother and if I could actually be there on a first date with that shotgun, I'd be pointing at the guy's face and saying, what's your intentions with my sister?  Like, you know what? I think if the fear of God was actually, I don't even like saying that, but I'm gonna, I think you understand what the metaphor of that is, but I think if they actually had fear around taking advantage of you, they might actually act a little bit kinder. My hope is, coming back to the nice guy.  Many men act very needy and many men act controlling and within that sphere, or both spheres, there are good people out there.  So guess how you do that? You do that with really good boundaries. And I'm encouraging you not to give in to the sexual piece until you've actually vetted a guy. And I think vetting is highly, highly important today. Look it, it was a lot easier 50 hundred years ago, because as I said before, most of the time, you were meeting people who knew your family, who knew your friends, who you knew their family, you knew friends, that's where that built in emotional safety net was there. But today we're meeting strangers and we don't feel emotionally safe. Men don't feel emotionally safe and women don't feel emotionally safe. In fact, I'm here to say a lot of men, the reason why they can't go deeper into the relationship is it's not because they're just not that into you. One of the real challenges is they don't feel emotionally safe in this relationship because most people don't actually communicate with one another. You know what they do? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day.   By the way, listen, I know I curse a lot and I come across kind of righteous, okay? And I certainly do pontificate and let me just be clear about someone.   I'm a human being that wants to feel emotionally safe and oftentimes the dating process can be very dysfunctional, especially because of the way we were indoctrinated coming back to the stupid book, The Rules, the indoctrination, not even the book, well, let me talk about the book, The Rules in a second, but this whole gender expectation.  But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man be masculine.  It sounds really good to sell you on something, but sitting back and waiting for the man, hey, if you want a patriarchal or misogynistic relationship, knock yourself out. I'm all about co-creating a partnership with someone. Co-creating a partnership with someone. What's that going to take? It's gonna take intentionality. It's gonna take reading these books because it's through this that you can actually have a chance. And by the way, if a man isn't willing, coming back to those men, they're afraid of listening to, or not afraid, but they're insecure.   You can't leave it all up to the woman. You're gonna have to make effort and the effort isn't that you pay the bills because most women can take care of themselves. The effort is from an emotional level. And by the way, the byproduct of all of this, the byproduct of doing all this work is a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy, loving relationship. That's what I'm encouraging everyone to want.  And guess what? It'll feel like you're with your best friend. And that's the byproduct of doing all this work together. Thank you for allowing me to rant on that one. I went off on so many tangents on that one. So thank you. Oh, when he comes across too nice, not a red flag? No, it's a green flag, someone nice. Needy is a whole other story, but nice is a good thing. All right, great question. All right. By the way, if this has provided value with you so far, if you like my work, could you please purchase a super sticker, super chat for that Connor Asley scholarship fund? It would mean a lot to me. And it also tells me that I'm providing value for you. So thank you so much. This is interesting. You have a beautiful mindset, but you sound angry, Jonathan. Are you a Scorpio who is capable of depth? And that has to show who is capable of... So, yes, I'm angry. Just like a child about to touch fire, I yell, okay? My anger is not anger, it's passion. I'm not angry. I'm passionate about wanting you not to touch fire, okay? That's what I'm passionate about. I'm not angry whatsoever. I'm incredibly passionate. Now I do come across as a pontificator and I do come across as righteous, I'll own that, but I'm not angry. I'm just passionate that you don't touch fire. So that's my answer to your question. Thank you so much. All right, so let's go swim in. Let's go swim in, let's go swim in. All right, here Janet says, what if you feel three out of five, what if you feel three out of five of those and shouldn't we women be able to express all five? I'm assuming, oh, I'm not sure what five you're talking about, Janet, I apologize. I think you're talking about the seven signs you're important. Ideally you should be feeling four out of those seven, at least to start, so, but I'm not sure what five you're talking about. All right, oh, hey, I wanna thank DJ for the super sticker. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. That was very sweet of you. Thank you so much, oh my God, there's so many comments here. Thank you so much for that super sticker. Michelle says, Jonathan, I love your passion and your style over all tough love all the way. Thank you so much. I know I pissed some people off with the swearing, I apologize. Look it, I'm not gonna apologize. I use expletives to enhance a sentence. If you're, look it. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names should never hurt you. If you feel offended by that, ask yourself, why does that feel bad for you?  Anyway, so, ah, Jesse says, yes, you're passionate. Mally says, yes, I love your passion. Thank you so much. All right, let's see what else. Stay well says, I'm laughing. You speak like my woman's softball coach. I guess I thank you. All right, what else, if you have a question. Jesse says unfiltered, uncensored with Jonathan Asley. Maybe that's what I should call my show. All right, let's see what we have. Annie says, I want the Buddha book so bad. Amazon. Maria says, you're amazing. Thank you, love you big brother. All right, thank you so much. Let's find another question. Oh, here we go. John, I was actually thinking earlier today what you would say about people saying, how was your day? Rather than a heartfelt conversation, what is a heartfelt conversation exactly? What is a heartfelt conversation exactly? All right, I'm gonna show everyone a meme. I've showed this before, I'm gonna show it again. Bear with me.  I wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, the intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite set, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Folks, today we're dealing with a lot of surface conversation. So this morning I downloaded an app on my phone. It's called Card Dex by the Gottman Institute. Card Dex by the Gottman Institute. Can you see that? All right, this is, by the way, it's a free app. So go to your Apple or Google Play Store. It's called the Gottman Card Dex. Card Dex the Gottman. So date questions here. So here's a date question. What does it say? What is something small that really makes your day? And it's a series of questions you can ask on a date. They're not the in-depth way I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity and vet for compatibility, but this is a great start. And by the way, this isn't just dating. This is couples question, open-ended questions, how to give appreciation. Check, by the way, I make no money on this because it's free. Go to the Gottman Institute and check out the Card Dex because I'm here to say it's time to go beyond the surface. When we're dealing with surface rhetoric out there, it's time to become more vulnerable, authentic and transparent with one another because that builds intimacy into me you see. And when you have an intimate relationship, you have a strong bond together. A man doesn't wanna listen. Women, I know from a physical perspective, you need safety. I get that, okay? But you also need emotional safety. Guess what? Men won't give their hearts, really open up their hearts until they feel emotionally safe with you. And it's gonna require leading by example, I know you don't like this. I know it sucks, but I'm gonna tell you the byproduct of this is you're gonna get a guy who actually is going to appreciate you if he's capable of opening up. By the way, remember I said before, 20% of the population has clinical issues. They're narcissists, they're borderlines. And by the way, not to suggest they can't be in relationships, but they have clinical issues that require clinical health, okay? Then there's the small percentage of healthy people and then the vast majority of people are dysfunctional. This is why it requires being more intentional in the early stages and start to exhibit greater intimacy early on if this is a person you're going to invest in. And what better way to create intimacy than purchasing two copies of the book, eight dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman before the penis goes inside the vagina.  I encourage everyone to go beyond the surface and start talking from a heart-centered place. Are you with me? Can I get in the name in? All right, let's see if there, oh, I wanna thank, I wanna thank Lee for the super sticker. Thank you so much. And I wanna thank Little Miss for the super sticker. Thank you so much. Michelle says, I totally have those conversations with everyone already, even strangers on Tinder. For some reason though, it's hard for me to have them with my boyfriend through tux. I prefer face-to-face. Yes, by the way, communication, 90% of communication is non-verbal. Folks, men don't bond through the telephone. Men don't bond through the telephone. We don't.  By the way, even when you're on FaceTime, it's not 3D. Communication is three-dimensional to get fully what someone is saying. So I'm encouraging more face-to-face communication. And by the way, it takes roughly 100 hours of face-to-face time to just get to level one of trust with a human being, just to get to level one. And there's probably 100 levels of trust that need to be built. I made up that number. Let's just make it simple. 10 layers of trust, and it takes 100 hours.  But again, I've known people that have had sex on a first date and gotten married, but I will tell you this, be careful. And that's why I read this book before you have sex with anyone. That's my invitation for you. All right, you know what? I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. Oh, Giselle says, question. In your opinion, at what point in time when dating a man, should I introduce the book Eight Dates? Great question, and we'll wrap up with that one.  You know what? I'm interested in exploring a relationship with you as well.  I know a great book that can help us get to know one another better. Would you be open to reading this book together with me? It's called Eight Dates. And by the way, the reason why it's called Eight Dates, it's eight separate conversations, okay? And you ask them this.  A needy man will jump on the bus, but dysfunctional men, the majority, would say we don't need a book, we can figure this out on our own. Folks, relationships are dysfunctional. If we haven't figured this out by now, let's get real for a second. 50% of marriage is in divorce. The other 50%, half of those people are miserable because most human beings have terrible relationship skills or very poor skills at best.  All right, I think this would be a good place to wrap up for today. I want to, from the bottom, let's just recap. The seven signs you're with a man who treats you as valuable and important. Number one, he appreciates your efforts with gratitude. Number two, he understands you have a life and priorities outside of him. Number three, he listens to you carefully and he responds like a grownup. Number four, he asks for your advice and he values your opinion. Number five, he understands and accepts your boundaries.  And lastly, he's thinking long-term by progressing the relationship and using we language. I hope this has helped tonight. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'm going to wrap up this podcast as I heard this live stream as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrow of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Michelle and Colleen and Renee and Leif and Stephanie and Jesse and Suzette and Carolyn and Anne and Sass and all of those that purchased the Super Sticker Super Chat. Check out the links below to a free discovery call with me to check out my podcast, to join my membership group or follow me on Instagram as well and the link for all the books I recommend is below. I want you to have a super duper, wonderful, fantastic evening. Bye now. Bye everyone, bye-bye.


he conversation with a group of three of us And staff I mean the goal I think is to is to get with staff and try to move things along and and so I'm happy to do that I mean whatever configuration. I just wanted to encourage the community Um to provide us with input I think I've mentioned this a number of times that One of the things that we want is to start working through this reconciliation process And that's going to require folks reaching out to us and providing us with meaningful recommendations um I think that you know, we all want to move forward And we can do so but we need to hear from the people in our community in order to Incorporate the positive changes that they want to see so I'm going to put that out there again for the community And for other members of city council And if there's some issue with brown act, maybe that can go to staff and they can bring it to the subcommittee But I just want to make sure that that is out there Okay, seeing no um further discussion for deliberation on this item. We'll go ahead and call the vote all those in favor Please say aye. Aye. Any opposed? Okay, that passes unanimously and thanks again to staff for their hard work on this item mayor I I do want to express because I didn't personally My appreciation of the staff I particularly appreciated the intention and the spirit Which you approached this you got that message About the division in the community and trying to bring forwards something that responded to the council And it's being further reworked, but I just want to appreciate your effort and your intention Well, thank you very much It really did come from a place of wanting to try to help the community reconcile and move forward So thank you very much. We look forward to working with you guys I'm with all due respect We heard from one part of the community that they were supportive We heard really strongly from the renter part of the community that they weren't supportive So, I mean, I there's something to disconnect here that I'm not really getting People are oppressed. They are desperate.  So I I'm just Upset that you would think that we are hearing from everyone and they're gonna sing kumbaya now We need to do something for renters. That's that's what we need to do And this was supposed to be a renter initiated Uh, uh database, so I'll I'll leave it there All right, we'll go ahead and allow um for the chambers to transition as we will return back now to the remaining items from our consent agenda Give me a minute. Thank you Can we just watch a show instead? Yeah, something funny Oh I'm gonna ask those in the chambers if you want you're welcome to continue your conversation outside of chambers And we'll go ahead and transition out Let me just go ahead. Why don't we take it? We'll take a five minute break continue items at this time. Okay. Thank you Thank you By the sixth request Okay, so we're going to go ahead and return to our consent agenda at this point We have still a few remaining items to finalize So we'll go ahead and return. We have items 6 10 17 19 and 20 to revisit For those that are in the audience I will read just let you know that we've already taken public comment on these items. So at this point We won't be having any public comment Um, and um, I believe the remainder of the items if and if I stand corrected, please let me know but our um Pulled from council member Glover. Is that correct? That is correct. Okay, so you can go ahead and uh speak to the items Thank you so much. So, uh starting with number six I imagine this is something we can all get behind it was in the consent agenda Um, and I want to give a shout out It first of all it is the Resolution to endorse the green new deal both in house resolution 109, but also in senate resolution 59 um It was something that I brought forward And got cosponsored by council member brown and vice mayor Cummings and we've been working in communication with Dr. Tiffany wise west of our climate department to be figuring out what would be good also running it by The city attorney's office and other stuff to get feedback with regards to the language and some of the Stuff so it was a great opportunity to Figure out how we can even further Emboldened our climate protection and our climate adaptation and our climate mitigation, but there were just a few changes that Myself and other climate Oriented community members and organizations felt could be strengthened and more inclusive So you'll notice that is uh noted in the red Line, uh, you should have one. Okay. Cool. So I don't know if you don't need to put it up. You don't want to um so anyway, um the changes are as Follows which is basically just adding that it incorporates and includes senate resolution 59 Which also is recognizing the duty of the federal government to create the green new deal Um, it just adds that language uh down towards the bottom But first in that second to last paragraph just making the language a little bit stronger and um making a assertion instead of a guess From could to will Exacerbate by climate change and that's wildfoward wildfires drought and flooding as well as coastal erosion The last paragraph on page one is just the addition of senate resolution 59 Resilience against climate change through investments water management Repairing and now the statement of water management was not to disparage or suggest that we're not doing adequate water management But as something moving forward the emphasis on the need to continue increasing our water management and conservation Also increasing renewable power sources use in manufacturing and that was kind of vague as it just said use in manufacturing of goods and materials eliminating Fossil fuel use so that was not in the staff Provided one so really wanted to make sure that we're working towards the elimination of fossil fuel use Then as we continue down into the resolutions specifically There were a lot of aspects of social justice that were that are in the green new deal language that were kind of left out of this document so Decided to put it back in be it further resolved that with this resolution We recognize the legitimacy and urgency for this new social contract Which upholds the value of workers members of vulnerable communities and their right to equity So be it further resolved local businesses and multinational corporations and Santa Cruz should be held accountable through policy and regulation for the environmental degradation caused by waste and pollution generated through day-to-day business and the products they sell Be it further resolved that as we implement policy moving forward We ensure that future policy will help create high quality union jobs which pay prevailing wages Higher local workers hold training and advancement opportunities and guarantee wage benefit parities for workers affected by transition And this is language from essentially the green new deal be it further resolved that through future policy We should guarantee that these new jobs will have family sustaining wages adequate leave paid vacation and retirement security And then be it further resolved that through policy We will help ensure an environment where all workers have the right to organize unionize and collectively bargain free of coercion Intimidation and harassment now just a reminder that this is a resolution So there is no way legally binding But it is in more of a spirit of wanting to see these changes happen in Santa Cruz and to strengthen our toolbox To be able to address climate change and make sure that the concept of health equity And sustainability are all taken into consideration when we are building our policies So Any I mean I'm happy to Answer any questions or comments that people may have from this otherwise. I can make the motion for us to move forward and past the resolution Well, I have a question my understanding is that Did Tiffany wise west our climate action manager have a chance to look at these modifications? They were modifications that were in there originally and were removed subsequently over time because so specifically for the business lines They didn't want to alienate the business community And so what I'm trying to get at is that we need to have a mental shift in our community One that starts to put the environment first Amongst business interests amongst development amongst transportation so that we can make a serious stance Make take serious steps and have serious accountability to ourselves and to the community around Climate change and the emergency that we face. So she's seen different aspects of the language some of it got taken out But I'm putting it back in Okay, I just want to also just acknowledge that she Was here earlier, but had to leave and so I'm sure she would probably have wanted to speak to this and I know that she was tracking a lot of these details very Purposefully and so just kind of wanting to acknowledge that because I know that she had to leave to get to a conference I believe okay vice mayor Cummings. I know that Tiffany work has been working really hard with us on this and so at first I want to acknowledge her work and I know that she was here earlier and had to leave and I very much and I just saw these corrections earlier today and really would have liked an opportunity To have her way in on this So I would actually like to move that we put this back on the next consent agenda And I think that this is also demonstrating How when we have these really packed agendas That it makes it difficult for us to be able to have staff weigh in when we're going so late into the night And so while I know that there's a lot of stuff we want to get done We're also trying to manage this in a way that we can make sure that staff is here and can weigh in on All the items and we can move forward in a way that's efficient Can um before I go ahead and I'm going to go ahead and ask you again Mr. McHenry to please reframe from interrupting the thing next time since we're starting a new item We'll go ahead and give you a first wording next time. I'm going to go ahead and ask you to leave So, um, I guess one of the things that I could suggest is that we adopt the resolution before us as presented and then provide Further direction for potentially the subcommittee that brought or the council members that brought this forward to work with Tiffany to have further refinement so that we're able to Have something move forward at this time But have an opportunity to hear it again in a different form if that feels appropriate as a potential compromised solution Okay, council member lever council member matthews council member crone council member miers. So I appreciate That suggestion Mayor walk-ins I and just you know, I'm always in this weird spot where I question what the role of staff is because While her Tiffany is amazing. She's a fantastic staff member and it was a pleasure working with her on this but we just diametrically did or were in differing perspectives when it came to the language of Certainty, you know, like if you can see here on the second to last page It said that the Santa Cruz climate Adaptation plan update and local hazard mitigation plan both state and the city is vulnerable to coastal erosion wildfires drought and flooding and her language was which could all be exacerbated by climate change there they're I don't understand where the Disconnect is between whether it will actually be exacerbated by climate change or not because we know that statistically and factually Wildfires coastal erosion droughts and flooding are all exacerbated by climate change So that's an example of some of the language changes, which we spent some time going back and forth on But which I just don't agree with and I don't think are strong enough language to Be making the statements that we are about about climate change, so I would be happy to do that and then ask for her feedback for it to come back at a later Meeting or something like this, but I do also say that the feel that this is an issue with moving things around on the agenda I totally get why you were doing it and but it's just There were people here like there are people here that have been waiting literally all day to hear this this topic And because we moved it because we were making time for something else Because the consent agenda was stacked with issues that in my opinion shouldn't have been on the consent agenda because they required some conversation So anyway, it's just I really appreciate your suggestion Okay, councilmember crown councilmember matthews councilmember mires um, you know, I I've known tiffany for many years. She got she received her phd from the department of environmental studies. You see sanikers And I think she does tremendous work Vice mayor, you received your phd from in up at ucsc2 and evolution college and evolutionary biology As you look at this because we are the decision makers here as we all look at this. What are we taking Issue with I mean, is there something here that you're reading that you don't agree with and that would be something to inform Councilmember glover about what's I'm willing to wait and get tiffany's input, but I'm just thinking, you know What is it that we might the seven council members here disagree with on that that's in red Okay, well, I don't think you have to answer at this time, but we'll go ahead and now I have councilmember matthews mires and if you want to weigh in you're welcome Could I could I weigh in on a housekeeping matter just very briefly? I haven't seen the language that was Circulated I'm just wondering also if there are additional copies available for members of the public who might be interested in looking at the language I I include one for the clerk to put up on the screen Which I thought was Technical difficulties Oh, I can send it to you though councilmember councilor matthews I'm not comfortable with the concept of approving a resolution and thinking will come back when you've adopted the resolution That's what goes out there I would much prefer to have Tiffany since she did have strong feelings about this. I'd like to know what they were I particularly had difficulty with the the final addition in red on the bottom of the second page Further resolve at local businesses and multinational corporations in santa cru should be held accountable through policy and regulation for the environmental degradation caused et cetera et cetera, you know To what extent and I think there's a different way to phrase that It I think shouldn't imply that we're I don't know what it implies. I think you can state that as saying that we Make a priority to work with local businesses to reduce waste and which is just what we're talking about in the All the all the measures we've taken over time with plastic reduction and all that it's it's kind of this but it doesn't have the The heavy hammer and I don't know if that's what bothered her or not, but That's one that Councilmember Myers and then vice mayor Cummings Yeah, I guess I'd I'd kind of reflect on What I you know, I I think of as as about 20 years of really progressive environmental Work so far and I certainly Support the green new deal the concepts of it state of california has been basically doing a green new new deal for about 25 years We've spent almost 300 300 billion dollars over the last 25 years protecting thousands of acres of land restoring thousands of acres of habitat building miles and miles of of Bikeways, I think city of san cruz has been and the community of san cruz has certainly bought into that I know personally of dozens of businesses here locally that participate in Creating jobs around that exact opportunity. So we have green jobs here. We have companies that are supporting green jobs we have nonprofits that are certainly supportive of all the All the intense of the resolution I'd like to see the language on Regarding the local businesses and multinational corporations Let's I'd like to see some some rethought of that Um, I don't know. I think we are up to almost 500 businesses and our green in the Monterey Bay green business Program, I think our businesses are committed. So I'm feeling That some of these changes could be vetted a little bit more and certainly supportive of the intent But again, I uh, I hope that we can also acknowledge the good work that we've done to date And that we don't want to lose sight that we're not a community that is polluting We're a community that created the Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary the largest marine protected area in the world 20 years ago and So let's let's uh, let's remember that and keep creating green jobs and caring about the environment move forward Nice mayor Cummings and then council member and then I have a comment and then council member Glover and then council member Brown Yeah, so I made a early made a motion that we um Bring this back of the next city council meeting on the I guess it may be not on the consent agenda since there is discussion about it but I think that it would be really good to have tiffani way and I think that you know as Council member chrome pointed out. I also received my phc at ucsc. I don't have that many problems with this but I also think that um Tiffany brings a lot of professional experience to the city and I would want to Get her since she worked with us closely on this I think that it will be really good to get her professional opinion as to what she she would think would also be appropriate in this Resolution being moved forward. So I'll just want to say that my intentions around this um are really to You know Work with the person who's worked most closely with us and understand, you know, if there are concerns Where that concerns coming from so that we can make sure that this is um a strong deal I'll second the motion and I will just suggest that if it's not prepared in the way that feels like it's complete By the next meeting that we be flexible with that because I think we want to get it, right? I'll just speak to the um kind of the topic that was addressed in terms of some of the language around Accountability, I want to remind the council that We along with a number of other jurisdictions throughout our nation and state are In the process of looking at holding our fossil fuel industry accountable for their impact and influence in what they've known for decades in terms of how their Their product essentially is destroying our environment and have intentionally deceived our populations in How to move forward with that and are now at this time seeking immunity at the Federal level so I think if we want to get that right that's how we want to probably frame something like that Because I think that's something that's very much so in line with previous council action and the position of the city And frankly was something that I was able to advocate for at a national level um So that said I'll go ahead and support the motion. Um, if there's further conversation council member glover brown and then crone Yeah, absolutely, so The statement we should acknowledge the work that has been done and we have over 500 green businesses I would totally agree with that, but I don't understand the danger concern Caution hesitation to make sure that the businesses outside of those 500 Make a get a message from us that they need to be held accountable for what they're doing It's that same argument of the landlords. Oh, there's 10 great landlords in this room right now that means that all landlords must be great It's just it doesn't correlate logically to what we're trying to accomplish if you care I mean if the environment is The number one issue right which a lot of scientists and people and activists say that it is the number one issue Because everything else correlates to the environment. Then why are we holding back or being tepid or offering milk toast resolutions that aren't going to make a difference? um The uncomfortable with the business section. Okay, I can appreciate and respect that you're uncomfortable with the business section but what part Why are you uncomfortable with the business section? Is it just because you don't want to call out business or what is it because Those vague general statements don't help in crafting or changing the language They don't help in providing context and they don't help in protecting the environment If you're just going to remove the accountability of businesses and multi especially multinational corporations. I don't even know why I don't understand why we would be protecting multinational corporations and Santa Cruz that are providing waste and stuff Also, if you want to know what tiff again, tiffani is great I think she's fantastic. It was great to work with her But if you want to know what she thought was appropriate language, just look at the document without the red lines And then look at the red lines that are added to the document and what they add social justice equity rights for workers unions paying jobs like All of these things that we as a city I would imagine should resolve every day that we want to have in our city and for us to be striving towards on a policy level But for some reason we're getting pushback about equity justice representation and unions It I don't understand if someone could explain to me what you're talking about or why this is problematic for you Then I would I think I would really appreciate it I think people in the crowd would appreciate it because It it I I'm finding it hard and this this is a problem. I constantly have with this body You say you care about renters. You don't do anything to protect renters You say you care about the environment, but here is the most Basic of resolutions that just say people should be held accountable and that we should support our workers And yet we want to postpone it so that a staff member who has already weakened it tremendously from its original purposes Is going to do it again like I don't understand what you hope to gain from additional conversation with the same staff member That already gave their feedback So anyway, uh, there's a motion on the floor, uh, which is to what again? Okay, we'll we'll have uh, the vice mayor restate the motion or I can attempt to do it Essentially what this would be would be oh, please the motion is to have this come back at the next meeting so Tiffany can weigh in on the Comments that have been provided So I just want to clarify because of a decision by the chair of the meeting to push this until 10 o'clock at night when staff There's no way staff could be here Now we want to push it out another two weeks because the staff isn't here because of the way that the meeting was run I'll just speak to that a little bit. I think that as you know, there's a lot of items that come before our council There's a lot of interest of things that we want to get done And there's a lot of community input that we'd like to hear and in order for me to do the best I can at balancing that And allowing for us to have adequate discussion around big items such as us talking about our council work plan for the next few months I as mayor and anybody who is in this position After me and has been in this position before me is required to do the best I can at managing the meetings in a way that's Allowing us to get city business done I do request that As city manager martin brunel mentioned earlier that if there's any questions or Any types of items that you'd like to either make comments on or get answered in advance To please do so especially in relation to the items that are on consent agendas And that for those that we do want to pull for further discussion We do so but recognizing that we try to cup or even in actually even logging in A statement of dissent or a statement of concern is completely appropriate, but for the purposes of being able to have Our city government function in a way that allows us for adequate time It's really truly my responsibility and I and it's not anything personal or any type of manipulative Approach it's truly it's trying to manage the meeting I do I do regret that unfortunately it is now 10 p.m. At night Tiffany is unable to be here. I ideally would not have had it go that way and felt really It was important for us to also allow adequate time for some of our general business items as well as some of the other large items before us So i'll just sort of speak to that in general But here we are and I think that there are areas where we would like some clarification is sort of the sentiment I'm getting from the council in terms of some of these additions And we are lucky as a city to have a climate mitigation and adaptation manager and I feel it would be appropriate to have her her eyes on this personally Um, so that being said how to move this forward at this time. There's a motion. There's a second Further discussion Sorry, I'd like to make an alternate motion or a substitute motion Before you do I want to just make sure I acknowledge any other pending comments If that was I believe councilor crone had a comment I just wanted to see the attorney if he saw any red flags in the red letters on the Alternate version Uh, with the time that I've had to look at them. Nothing jumped out at me from a purely from a legal perspective I I don't sense that that's the Really the tenor of the discussion that the council's having right now, but from a legal perspective I didn't I didn't see anything that I thought was problematic And I would just like to urge my fellow council member I would like to see unanimity on this on this issue here because I think that we can get there and If it takes having to come back and and maybe asking tiff any a few questions at the at the podium and as an agenda item I would really appreciate getting us all on the same page Okay, well then I will not make my substitute motion Um I find it hard on this body to believe that there are I mean something as simple as this I would imagine we should have in my opinion should have been able to all get on the same page, but we have differing Priorities it sounds like so some of us care about the business community others of us care about the environment Others of us don't think it's that big of a deal at all because it's already the work that's been done I mean, these are just the statements that I've personally heard up here during this conversation. So We I'm not sure what that looks like and But I will uh move forward so we can move Okay, so council member mires, and then maybe we'll take the vote. I'm just gonna I just might respond You know much of this language is Right now when I read some of your of the language that has been put back in which was it in my packet And which I just received as as the item was basically started um We have high quality union jobs. We pay prevailing wages If you would like to look in the records, you will see that any Project that we build that has anything to do with infrastructure Climate change the kinds of things we're preparing for We pay prevailing wages on our contracts We do the best that we can to hire local companies and local workers So when I go through these these this language what I'm looking at this as as a city council person is What is it that I'm trying to pass for my community that actually Um provides a map for people to either improve Or to understand the urgency of an issue And so when I see the language in here Which is written by a congress You know congresswoman and congress you know congressmen and senators in other other states And other communities maybe that language makes sense in a federal resolution or in a federal intent But I think a lot of what you want is is actually being done. And so You know, I I think that's my reservation is that number one I didn't see the language until we sat down And number two Reach out to some of the people that do this work find out what's happening talk to the companies Don't assume that people aren't doing the kinds of things that are in the resolution And if we can let's make the resolution And acknowledgement of the progress we've made so far and the work to be done But let's not be punitive about it councilmember brown Yeah, um really briefly I um I totally agree with everything that is in this resolution and in the Proposed changes I will support the Motion to bring this back For a couple of reasons one. I agree. I think it is important to see if we can get to Unanimity on this kind of a resolution it is as councilmember Glover suggests non-binding. It doesn't mean that we don't we It can't be improved. Secondly, I Out of respect for dr. Wise west who did put Some effort into this who did contact the signers the co-signers And when she asked about having some additional conversations to Um make uh, you know to do some revisions and then bring that to us. I agreed. I said, yeah, that's okay Go ahead and do that and this is the what we got as a result. Um, I feel Like it's my responsibility As as an individual councilmember and I'd like to see us just agree to go back and have that conversation with her and see What we can do um because I am I totally agree that all of these things are important and I also want to comment on the um, You know, um councilmember Myers has mentioned a lot of the progress and that we do have green industry and we do have green businesses and we also have a community that has um You know some pretty low wages and that's not to indict the you know green businesses or green industry that that's just to say That's a fact of what is going on in our community. So making a statement about um living wage jobs As part of this as has happened in the federal resolution or the federal legislation I don't think is a bad idea. I just would like to spend a little more time figuring it out and I think that if we do that I'm absolutely on board So that's Okay, that wasn't as brief as I thought it would be sorry Okay, councilmember clever and then councilmember matthewson. Hopefully we can move the item. Thank you We're already doing this gets back to just what we just said. Um, it basically we're already doing it. Um The language which was just pointed out by my colleague to my left Is that We're already doing the the union jobs. We're already doing Prevaling wages the language says be it further resolved that as we implement policy moving forward We ensure that future policy will help create high quality union jobs Which pay prevailing wages hire local workers hold training advancement opportunities and guarantees wage benefit parity for workers affected by transition So no matter what we're doing right now Whatever we implement in the future Needs to be guided by the guidelines of creating these things into a reality of those new industries that we're going to see in Santa Cruz It's not just a guess all that we're going to get it And then secondly to say that we already have these union things We had a union worker stand up here and say that she was forcefully removed from her house because of rent increases And now lives outside of the city because she can't afford it while they're saying that their Negotiation process has been lacking so that the huge population of their members have refused our proposal Which means that we are not in that second line on the back Which we're already apparently doing is having jobs that will have family sustaining wages Because right now we do not have jobs that have family sustaining wages for our employees. So it's it's really disconcerting how Freak feverently will argue about how much we're already doing when our city is suffering in so many different ways So I look forward to the vote and bringing it back next time so that we can get Unanimity on it, but it's just the the process is really disheartening Okay, well in the spirit of unanimity, we'll go ahead and take the vote all those in favor. Please say I am Any opposed Can I say something just really quickly that passes unanimously can't to the point of process again I just want to emphasize what's really helpful is to get Advanced notice of questions and issues particularly for the staff because again Even if tiffani had been here without advanced notice that just puts in a very awkward position You know, this is not about tiffani And I think it just makes it very hard for staff to come here and to be here when you know, we're not able to Prepare and get notice. It's just simply not fair. So I would really ask the council to please do that And I think it's also not efficient. So We'll go ahead and note that may just get clarification. So we have councilmember glover made a motion, right? I think it may be the original one to adopt this I was going to get a second. Yeah, I didn't make the motion. Yeah, so there he passed out the document We reviewed it councilmember. I mean vice mayor Cummings made the motion. I seconded it all those in favor were unanimous Okay, so very quick question. If I have a Suggestion or a comment on language Just brown act stuff. I would send it to tiffani Yep I would send it to tiffani because I had one too. Yeah, okay So we'll have us then return. So we have item 10 17 19 and 20. We have uh, mr. Dettel here Thank you. Good evening. Good evening Good evening Are you answering any questions that you have on item 10? Yeah, I'll make it quick and we can do two at the same time item 20 and item 10 ironically 10 in part So my they're both on acquisition of caterpillar pro Tractors or excavators or all kinds of other kinds of stuff. So just some quick questions. Why are we going through caterpillar? um What the landfill typically all our equipment is caterpillar Our mechanics are trained on caterpillar parts spare parts are caterpillar They they provide an effective piece of equipment for the type of use if you look we're replacing a 18 year old caterpillar piece of equipment that's been rebuilt a couple of times Has a tier zero emission We're going to a tier four which is a higher quality and reduces our Knocks by 80 percent. So that's what the effort is. Okay. That is great. Thank you It was it was interesting just because they're fossil fuel and vehicles And I know right now we're in the process of transitioning and the difficulty of available vehicles and we talked about before So thank you for your consciousness around that and making the intentional push in your department to transition away from fossil fuels I will say though that it is problematic for me with us to be using caterpillar for variety of reasons one The cease and desist letter that was given to local business for the use of the word cat in their title That that's problematic for them attacking local businesses but just as a Disturbing is their participation or their equipment being used to destroy thousands of homes in palestine I'm not sure if you're aware of that but caterpillar and their armored vehicles tearing down palestinian homes to make room for israeli settlements So that is um a problem also the the warranty thing with with farmers That live in middle america that can't work on their own tractors because of the warranty that will get voided by caterpillar So they're forced to use really expensive repairs So there's problematic stuff there and then of course the fossil fuels So just want to put it on the record that I think that if ever possible We should transition away from caterpillar until they change their business practices But I do appreciate parks or assuming public works and your intention to transition away from fossil fuels So with that I would make the motion to Uh move on the recommendations for item 10 and 20 A motion by council member Gleaver seconded by council member crown for the discussion Seeing none all those in favor, please say aye. Aye. Aye. Okay. We'll go ahead and move those We'll um now move on to item number 17 and 19 are the only two remaining. Absolutely. Thank you very much mayor So number 17 is another example of things that I don't believe are appropriate to have on the consent agenda because they are so amazingly controversial and Directly impact the poor I one of the questions I would ask is why was it put on the consent agenda? And after I was talking I understand that there may have been an associated timeline with it being a bill in the process of a bill we remember that schoolhouse rock cartoon, but The issue you know speaking to some catch representatives is that they were bummed that they weren't even informed about this Had a time and I know earlier in the meeting we said that we don't some of us don't want the catch to be the catch-all But this directly has to do with poverty and people experiencing homelessness Also, I don't understand why we would endorse this bill before we understand in detail the situation of our citation data Unfortunately today, I really appreciate the city attorney putting together the information with the different staff members of the city But we received maybe an eight minute overview this morning in closed session about the impacts of our citation rules and Whether they may or may not Do anything with regards to staff member I just want to remind the council member of the confidentiality of closed session discussions Yeah, it wasn't on the wasn't it on the agenda closed session agenda, right? No, but wasn't it on the agenda about the the data? No It was a closed session discussion We couldn't talk okay. Well We we So without looking at any data with regards to Citations which was requested and has not really been reviewed by the council in full yet. Unfortunately How can we move forward on the criminalization of people in their? Their vehicles, which is really problematic for me So it's also the bill is sponsored by the aclu of california The lawyers committee for civil rights of the san francisco bay area the western center on Poverty and law i brought y'all some some fact sheets if you'd like them just with regards to The situation of the bill as well as the letter that was written and distributed by the aclu to santa Cruz I believe in opposition of the the bill So, uh, also the data that's cited in the letter is a little um concerning And what was brought up earlier day in public comment with the impact that it has on municipalities and also The cost associated with it. So in a report called toad into debt how towing practices in california punished the poor There is a a quote that cities are losing money on toes Especially when the reason for the toe is someone's inability to pay government fines and fees Toad vehicles sold at lean sale in san diego generally accrued three thousand dollars in fees and fine But the average sale price of the vehicles is about five hundred and sixty five dollars Resulting in the public paying more Also in that report they go through heavy data that points out that poverty toes disproportionately lead to lean sales Losing a vehicle can limit housing opportunities impact on individuals living in their vehicles are is greater Um and the poverty toes disproportionately impact housed unhoused people Immigrants and people of color. So, um I would uh make the motion that we not follow the recommendation and not send a letter opposing ab 516 and if it's an issue of homelessness that we want to deal with then it should be an issue of homelessness that we're talking about Not towing cars Second, okay, so there's a motion by councilmember glover seconded by vice mayor Cummings Mr. Dettel, did you want to I was just going to say that this isn't a homeless issue from our perspective It's a a parking citation Enforcement tool that we use and we typically don't toe. We'd use our booting system Which immobilized the vehicle and then the person can come to the parking office and And either is offered a payment plan if they can't afford to pay the citations But we we actually been doing this booting for about 15 years to eliminate the number of toes that we do It's been very effective And we see this as a tool to to um implement our our parking park, you know program So it's a concern when a park a car is Is either abandoned or are parked in a neighborhood and there's a permit program or something like that We get a lot of calls if we don't have the tools to deal with it. So It's that's how we see this as a it's a tool for enforcement Councilmember matthews and then I have a quick question Uh, I'm going to be voting against the motion I want to point out that the recommendation is a letter of opposition unless amended And I think it's uh, and that's the position taken by the league of california cities It acknowledges there are a lot of social equity Implications in the abuse of towing and so forth. Um, I don't believe that we're doing that here. I think Also, there are in many other communities and there's a legislative option to Implement alternatives to more expensive fines and so forth. Um, but I know in my own neighborhood Many years ago. We had a real problem with people abandoning cars And there they were and that's one of the And they weren't that people were living in and they were just plain abandoned They ran out of juice and people left them there And so I think um, there are other instances that are mentioned in the staff report where there are vehicles untagged, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera are either pollution problem or identified with a law enforcement problem and To my mind the bill as written removes an important enforcement tool so I I would support the language As of the resolution to oppose unless amended and I I believe and hope that in sacramento, they're working on Some amendments that respond to the concerns of cities I I agree. I think it's we don't want to lose our local discretion And I also acknowledge what I think has been brought up is that this has been misused in communities as a way to penalize those who are Homeless or have no means to get their car out and which is Troubling and horrifying to think that we're only going to further kind of build Dig them into a whole of homelessness. So I'm wondering in terms of us I mean, maybe this would be at a future conversation or not, you know, but You know, how we're supporting those individuals, whether it be a by play bit plan or if the heap funding has some discretion in regards to individuals who want to make a case that You know, they need support for any type of towing or cost associated with it, but I think the The challenge here is that we don't want to lose our local discretion on a tool that we can use appropriately And we want to acknowledge the fact that this is a tool that's not being used necessarily appropriately in some communities and can further kind of you know propel a person into poverty and And we can look at our own practices in that way, but supporting that The motion as suggested with the amended language. I think will help kind of clarify that But also give us an opportunity potentially at some point to look At our own policies or our own resources to ensure that we're not Contributing to that in that way. So that would just be my sort of sentiment on this time Councilmember Glover and then councilmember brown. Thank you So I do want to point out on the sheet that I handed out there down at the bottom It does provide some support with regards to a b516 leaves intact over two dozen existing Authorizations for towing so it doesn't completely tie the hands of people in our organizations or departments from towing I think that we need to emphasize that also The league of cities While we are a member has been increasingly and unfortunately more and more conservative leaning in their bill Endorsements as well as being invested in the private prison system of california. So when looking to Signals of which way to go the league of cities is not necessarily my first choice of deciding where to put my votes Also, I would say that that I would You know, I would assert that from my conversations of people that are advocates for people experiencing homelessness and people that are currently experiencing homelessness I would say it's a stretch to say that we Don't Disproportionately target people from their own experiences that they report to me about Their feelings of being harassed and ticketed multiple times and having neighbors calling them all the time and then having their cars towed or the Citations mounting up so they can't renew their registration and then therefore lose their housing because of their car So we are a great city and we have a lot of great stuff going on. But I do fear that our parking enforcement Is problematic councilmember brown Yeah, um Well, I'm I'm just going to say I think it's unfortunate that this was brought to us With a request to oppose it. Um, I've been following this piece of legislation I oppose it personally. I can't I cannot I mean I support it personally. I oppose the sorry I oppose Opposing it. Um, I support the legislation Particularly as it's been amended and you know thoughtfully moved through the legislature I Given the the advocates and you know the supporters the organizations. I mean these are organizations some of them I've worked with and for In over the years That I absolutely trust their their advocacy Include the aclu western center on law and poverty equal rights advocates other I could go on but I won't It's unfortunate. They came to us. I mean I I I support it and but I wasn't going to bring a proposal to the council to Ask for council support because for one, I don't know. I think it's of limited value Our state, you know, somebody came and spoke earlier today saying that Our assembly member already kind of has taken a position on it. So But here we are so I'm going to support the motion I could not oppose this piece of legislation. Um, and I don't think we ought to as a body I'm just going to comment. I want to make so I want to feel like, you know, I think aggressive Santa Cruz would would support this and I mean again reiterating what Councilmember Brown said and I'll say it for the record because I wanted to be really clear that courage campaign Right advocates American civil liberties union of california the national lawyers guild the san francisco public defender's office and the public law center all Organizations i'm fairly familiar with so and they all Support this legislation. They haven't withdrawn their legislation and it's not pending amendments to the to the bill Can I just add one more thing really quickly? Um, I think we also heard Earlier today and I you know, I I trust that it was genuine That the county sheriff has said this is not a tool to achieve removal of abandoned vehicles, so I just wanted to add that in there in terms of how that affected my thinking It just kind of solidified my my view For the record Okay, unless there's any further discussion Um, I think we have a motion um and a second. I guess just for the record. I um support the Recommendation which is to have opposition unless amended and that this is not about Disproportionately further penalizing those who may be in unfortunate circumstances, but about ensuring that we are thoughtful about our tools um for enforcing other types of behaviors, so just sort of for the record. I want that to be clarified And uh, and we'll go ahead and take the vote at this point So all those in favor of the motion on the floor, please say aye. Aye opposed. No Okay, that passes with councilmember brown, vice mayor Cummings crone and Glover in support Matthews meyers and myself voting against Okay, so we have one last item item number 19 on the agenda Yeah, just for the in the interest of time. I was going to say I love bike safety and I make the motion to move the item Okay, any further discussion all those in favor, please say aye. Aye. Any opposed. Okay, that passes unanimously So we'll go ahead and adjourn the meeting and um There we go. Good job everyone


Salutral chio yen nivu diya viya diyo Kay nun mi estus in la flugha veno de Berlino Mi estis ega laza char mi jus flugis dung plio 24 horoi nantute Mi flugis de Australia al Doha Kyu estis en Kataro Ne la landa de Katoi Jis simpleno mi jas Kataro Kay poste mi flugis chitien Kay nun mi deus attendi horon Char Baldao venos Chal Mi frigestis el Kyu lando shi flugis chit Se jis surterijos poste horo Kay tijam shi gvidos min al Tomo de Chak Kay poste mi ion post ion Kunijos kun la teamanoy de amikumu Kay alie Esperantista yamikui Parodonun minporo mi ache Esperanto Mi verbe zonas dormi Kay nun mi odorachas Mi jus el trovis ke la flugo de Chalut Malfruos 24 minutoin Mi simple aspektos Germana Netflix Char mi havas nemijon alijan por fadi To tre ege Baldao Chalut surterijos chitie en Berlino Kay mi jus havis frenesan ideon Mi intensis skrivi ion en Esperanto Tres stutan en chitium tag libron min Kay mi simple montras jin chela por dego El kie shi el venos Do ion mi e tre bona el pencita noto Por shi montrilo Mi nun estos chitie konchalut Kay kie el vi pos viri Shis estos mia persona el nomu jit Por tisto, chus posas Yes Nun mi estan las pri egealetso En relatoi entre amikoi Mi tre shatas egealetso Mi estos bona por mi Don i fin fina estos en la busto Kay nun ni iras ala domo de Chak Kay judit Salutachon Saluton Mi volis bomiginien Shis bona e ara vidi din Saluton O, firmus? Ne, mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Mi nesas Oh, jes, jes, surmetu vi en chapele Jes, rigarto Jes, chas ni kiel bona esperantistoi Dun chris nasko De cidis forlasi nia in familio Por viziti alia in esperantistoi Mi pri faifas Chas estos Ne Do estos nur Katolika chris nasko Kay un e nion Festas en Rusio Chus i laboras bene Elektos donatsun por nova yaro Meniu festas tiun Stultan chris nasko n de vi Ne, tidut, jones, esti multa de chrisan Ne, ili ne pulspektas Alektos tiun, oni fesfas Iona 24 Mi sifli boles ki vi hava Mai pridespektantoi Jus Ytuba monto de trui Saluton e fluo Salvatas o de vie Sir, kultime, kya mi fadas Pilmo in kon aliae esperantistoi Mi gainaspektantoi Siposte kya mi e revenas heimen Ili malapedas Dame, kio ni maljuste fadas Ne aspektu li an knalo Mi pensas, mi pensas ki vi Tutten raitas kritikimin Kya vi forti migas Katolika inspektantoi Chas vi jam fikis Am in hofon Tiun estos multe prili Mi oculumis menu Chas kapulikoi fikas Mi oculaspektu li an Sedi parolispektu Mi, nini, nun si bolas Chus mi havassektantoi el omotanoi La relegio el japanio Chus vi volas koni ji e nia filmo Chus vi volas dirigio Mi, na, ne pretas Ne pretas? Ni kaptos shin poste Mi, metos la chaselon sirfis Mi, metos la chaselon sirfis Mi do manju Manju, manju, manju, manju Mi, sa chak fintraine N문 mi estos tiake mirayisto Chus jjjjon rikordigas So today I'm going to teach you how Australians eat. We treat it like it's still a living stage. Good. And now I'm going to show you how to eat an elegant dish. Two people are very good at eating. Two people. I'm a very elegant person. This is a very elegant dish. I'm going to see. But you're going to throw it in the hair. You're going to be in a shampoo and a commercial. Maybe it's a little bit of a bad thing. So I heard that I played a lot. And I said, if I find hair in the salad, it's mine. I'm going to try again. But if you use a good shampoo, it's a joy for people to find your hair.  It's a good alternative to eating, isn't it? I think that's good for two people. I don't want to take my food away.  With me. So now we're at the house. We just finished eating and it's very cold. We're going to the kitchen where our friend is. Because we have our apartment at home. And I just woke up in the house. I don't know why, but I saw that. Do you all remember this moment? Do you remember? You really want to do it again. You have to be very worried about it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Yes, essentially. He wants to say something in the world. Maybe that. Okay, good. Sorry about that. I didn't expect that. But now we're at the house. I think it's a month between Germany and Poland. We're still in Berlin. And now we're at the house. And a thousand other groups of Esperanto speakers came. And we started talking to them. We just talked about that. So now we're at the end of the day. Everyone just came to the house. What's here? Thank you. You're welcome. And today I want to talk about the truth of the day. Yes, so that's the story. Here's Sophie. I'm a housewife. She really is. She just followed us to this house. When she met us at the house. And we said, Oh, good. So we went to the toilet. And now I have to show you where he is. And here's Jesse. He's in the house. And that's not for me. And the good news is that last night I slept here. And there's a free sofa there. And a free sofa there. And they're going to take it. And Jesse has to fight a lot for it. In fact, we were together. So in fact, we don't want to fight against each other. We have rules here. We want to fight. Everyone. I'm like that. So if you like this film. Like it, share it, subscribe to my channel, and in fact, that's it. I'll see you in the next video. I'll see you in the next video. And now I'm going to bed. Good night, my dear. And that's stuck in me. And that's stuck in me.