Good evening as friends, welcome to the Hindu News Analysis by Shankar Reyes Academy for the date 26th of August 2023. Displayed here are the list of news articles we will be going through today. Before getting into the discussion, I have two announcements to make. One is that, as I have already mentioned, the much-awaited Shankar pre-storming prelims test series is about to start. The test series is going to start from 11th September and the first test is on 18th September. Other details regarding the test series are displayed here for your reference. The second announcement is that, the All India Open Mark Test for Maines 2023 is going to be conducted by the Shankar Reyes Academy. The test is going to start on 1st September. The other details regarding the Open Mark Test can be accessed by the link given in the description. People who are appearing for the 2023 Maines examination, please make use of this opportunity to boost your main scores. With these two announcements, now without wasting time, let us get into the news article discussion. Now take a look at this article. As we all know, recently there was a major ethnic violence that happened between the Maiti and the Kuki tribal people in the state of Manipur. During the event of violence, many crimes were committed against women and children. So the victims of the crime and some social activists have filed complaints before various police stations in Manipur and the cases were being heard by the Manipur High Court. Later, based on the demands of the victims, all the cases were transferred from the Manipur Police to the Central Bureau of Investigation, that is the CBI. This was done to ensure fair investigation of the cases. Recently, the Solicitor General of India, Mr. Tushar Mehta, made an application before the Supreme Court. The application sought to transfer all the pretrial hearings of the cases from Manipur High Court to Assam, that is the Gauhati High Court. The Solicitor General indicated that judicial officers of Manipur may belong to one particular tribal community or the other. So the pretrial hearings in Manipur may cause an apprehension of bias. Citing all these reasons, the Solicitor General requested the Supreme Court to transfer the pretrial hearings to the Gauhati High Court. The Solicitor General said that Assam was chosen because it shares a land border with Manipur. So yesterday, the Supreme Court passed an order on the application of the Solicitor General. The Supreme Court, as the Solicitor General requested, has allowed the transfer of cases to Assam. The Supreme Court also mentioned that it would transfer back the cases to Manipur High Court if the state returns to normalcy. This is all about the news article. So in our discussion today, we will understand the powers of the Supreme Court in transferring cases and appeals. As we all know, the Supreme Court is the highest judicial body in our country. And it has the largest authority regarding the administrative functions of all its subordinate courts, which includes high courts and the district courts. The Supreme Court is also vested with wide discretionary powers to transfer any cases from one High Court to other. See this power of the Supreme Court is provided under Section 406 of the CRPC 1973. As per this section, the Supreme Court can make any such order to transfer any specific case or appeal or any matter that is pending before one High Court to another High Court. See this power is given to the Supreme Court to ensure the principle of fair and equitable justice. Okay, now comes the question. Who can make the application for the transfer of the cases? See the application can be moved by any person who suspect that there is unfair action in the court or he or she may not find proper justice. The application can also be made by the Attorney General or the Solicitor General of India. On receiving the application, the Supreme Court will hear the concerns of the applicants. During such hearing, the applicant should reasonably substantiate his contents regarding the application. After the hearing, the Supreme Court may pass orders on the transfer of cases from one High Court to the other. Here you have to note that the Supreme Court is not obligated to transfer the cases when it receives the application on such matters. It is the discretion of the Supreme Court to decide whether to transfer the cases or not. That is all regarding this discussion. In this discussion, we saw the power of the Supreme Court to transfer cases from one High Court to other to ensure fair and equitable justice. Now with this, let us conclude this discussion and take up the next news article. Now take a look at this editorial article. See one of the significant outcome of the 15th BRIC Summit is that the addition of new membership. Recently, six new members, that is, Argentina, Egypt, Ethiopia, Iran, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates were given memberships in the BRICS grouping. Their membership will take effect on 1st January 2024. The editorial here highlights the performance of BRICS and the negative implication of expansion of BRICS. The aspirants yesterday we discussed elaborately about the significance of adding new members to the BRICS grouping. So before looking at the negative implication, I suggest you to watch yesterday's daily news analysis. It will give you a holistic understanding about the BRICS expansion. Now, in today's discussion, we will mainly focus upon the negative implications of BRICS expansion. See already the members of the BRICS like China and India are in a conflict mode. This is mainly due to bilateral issues like border clashes, unbalanced trade, territorial claims and etc. These issues currently affect the functioning of the BRICS as a whole. Bilateral issues between India and China is creating differences rather than consensus while taking important decisions in BRICS. So it is said that the bilateral issue between India and China has slowed the functioning of BRICS. If this is the case, the BRICS has added Iran, Saudi Arabia and UAE to join BRICS. As we all know, there is a rivalry between Iran and Saudi Arabia and Iran and UAE. This is because of ideological, political and religious differences. So adding them to BRICS would further slow down the performance of BRICS rather than increasing the performance. This is the first negative implication of the membership addition. Secondly, the new addition might anger the western powers, mainly the United States, who has been our ally for quite some time. See already BRICS is seen as a forum to counter the US-led G7 grouping. And as we all know, Iran is a rival of the United States. So adding Iran to BRICS grouping will further project to the world that BRICS is politically anti-western or anti-US. This will further create tensions to countries like India, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and UAE who are currently maintaining friendly relationship with the United States. This is the second negative implication. Finally, as many countries are added to the BRICS grouping, there is a possibility that China might attempt to overpower the BRICS grouping with its strategic and economic vision. This is because China is currently aspiring to become a world superpower. So China's superpower ambition might endanger the strategic autonomy of the BRICS members. These are some of the negative implications of BRICS expansion that is mentioned in this editorial article. So to conclude, the BRICS should make sure that it will work based on principle of shared prosperity and it will also allow more democratic model of global governance. This will attract more members to the grouping and help in the effective functioning of the grouping. So with this, let us conclude this discussion. See yesterday we covered the significance of the addition and today we saw the negative implication. If you combine both, you will get a holistic picture and a holistic understanding about the recent membership expansion of BRICS. So with this, let us conclude this discussion and take up the next news article. Take a look at this editorial article. This editorial article talks about the greening of the economy. The context behind this editorial is that our Prime Minister recently in his Independence Day speech mentioned that India is showing the world how to combat climate change. He also mentioned that climate action cannot be adopted by compromising economic development. The editorial here talks about what is green energy paradigm, how greening of economy can be done in rural areas and the steps that the government must take to encourage greening of economy. So in this context in our discussion today, let us quickly learn about what is greening of the economy, the challenges associated with it and the steps that the government must take to green the economy. Before getting into the discussion, I have highlighted the syllabus regarding this discussion. You can go through it. First what is greening of the economy or what is green economy paradigm? See development often harms the environment. For example, cutting down of rainforest for coal mining in Assam. But focusing only on the environment can slow down progress. For instance, there is a valuable green energy source called methane hydrate in Krishna Godavari basin but mining it could lead to problems like ground collapse and floods. See the greening of the economy or green economy paradigm is an idea that aims to balance both development and the environment. It wants to find ways to grow economically while also taking care of the nature. It tries to make choices that benefit both our needs and the planet's health. This new approach is all about finding ways to make our world better by using resources wisely and taking care of the environment. It's like a plan for doing things in a way that helps nature reduces pollution and make sure there is enough for everyone now and also in the future. This is about green economy paradigm. Now let me help you understand by providing some examples. Let us take electric cars. By adopting electric cars and building more electric charging station, more jobs will be created which will help the economy. In addition to this, if these electric vehicles are powered using renewable resources like solar park, it will also aid in combating climate change. Here development is coupled with climate action. Next take millet cultivation. Millets are hardy and climate resilient crops. In addition to this, millets have less carbon footprint compared to rice or wheat. In recent times, with the increasing awareness about the health benefits of millets, farmers can make good profits by cultivating and selling millets. So millet cultivation aids in the economic development of the farmer and also conserves the environment. These are some examples of greening of the economy or green economy paradigm. But adopting this has certain problems. There are some hurdles in adopting green economy paradigm. Now let us see them one by one. First hurdle is there is lack of awareness about the advantages of greening of economy. Then there is the issue of cost. See green technologies and the practices often require initial investments that can be very expensive. This can be a challenge for government or businesses or individuals mainly in the developing countries. Then there is the issue of skill mismatch. See workers in the traditional sectors like fossil fuels might need to learn new skills for the green jobs that will be developed by adopting green technology. Providing new skills will take some time. Finally, there is the issue of behavioral change. According to a green economy often requires a change in behavior and consumption pattern. This transition can be hard for people who are accustomed to the traditional ways. See these are some of the challenges associated with adopting green economy paradigm. The author of the editorial here provides some steps that can be taken by the government to address these hurdles. Now let us see the steps mentioned by the author. The first one is using existing government programs. Take the Pradhan Mandri Mudra Yojana for example. Through the program the government provides collateral free loans for micro-entrepreneurs. Through the scheme, government can extend loans to small businesses that adopt green technology. Then take the Pradhan Mandri formulation of micro-food processing enterprises scheme. This scheme provides support for the adoption of technology among the micro-food enterprises. Through the scheme, government can help food processing units adopt green technology like solar dryers, energy efficient multi-purpose food processor or a solar green mill. Finally take the Pradhan Mandri Mudra Yojana. Through this program, government can help the fishing community adopt green technology like solar refrigerator and solar dryers. Like this, existing government programs can be slightly modified to help people adopt green technology. Secondly, the author talks about ensuring large-scale financing from the banking institutions. To ensure large-scale financing from the banking institution, support must be provided to them by the government. Government needs to help banks understand and assess clean technology projects for financing. See, traditional banks might not have experience with such new and innovative projects. So they need support from the government to evaluate if green technology is a good investment or not. Government can also help reduce the risk of the banks by providing guarantee for the part of the investment made by the banks. Additionally, government needs to work closely with the banks to design loans in such a way that both the banks and the people adopting green technology will earn at the same time. In this way, more money can be invested in green technology solutions. This will also fast forward the adoption of green technology and helps in the greening of the economy. Finally, the author mentions about a partnership that must be created between people involved in green technology like inventors, manufacturers, retailers and banks. The author mentions about a complete system from top to bottom. This means distributors must work with manufacturers to make sure technology reaches the customers. The service providers must make sure that customers get help even after they buy the product. When people in marketing must make sure that the green tech products must reach the right consumers and the banks must also properly identify potential entrepreneurs for adopting green technology. This can be made sure only if all the stakeholders cooperate with each other. For example, some companies that make solar dryers don't just sell the dryers, they also help the customers to get loans to buy the dryers and they also buy the dried food from the customers. This kind of teamwork makes faster adoption of green technology. So that's all regarding this discussion. In this discussion, we saw what is greening of the economy or green economy paradigm. Then we saw the challenges in greening of the economy. And finally, we saw three steps mentioned by the author in this editorial that will help in the faster adoption of green technology or the faster greening of the economy. So that's all regarding this discussion. Now with this, let us conclude this discussion and take up the next news article. Look at this editorial article. This editorial is about the recently concluded 2023 chess world cup. The 2023 chess world cup took place in Bakku, Azerbaijan. It was the 10th edition of the chess world cup. It was conducted from 30th July to 24th August 2023. Around 206 players from different countries have participated in this tournament. Magnus Carlson, who is a Norwegian chess player, came at the top of the tournament. At the final match, he defeated the 18-year-old R Pragananda, who is a chess player from Chennai. See, Magnus Carlson is a five-time world champion and this is his first chess world cup. Here, you have to note that the world chess championship is different from the chess world cup. This is the essence of the editorial given here. Now, why is this editorial important? Recently, UPSC has started asking sports-related current-of-face questions in the prelims examination. For example, in the 2023 UPSC prelims, there was a question about the chess Olympiad. Now, why did the UPSC ask this question? This is because the 2022 chess Olympiad was conducted in Chennai and it also appeared frequently in the news. Likewise, the 2023 chess world cup is also an important current-of-face topic for the next year's prelims examination. This is because one of the finalists of the game was from India. So, UPSC might ask a question about the 2023 chess world cup in the forthcoming prelims examination. This is what makes this editorial important. Now, we will see some of the points about chess world cup. The chess world cup is a major chess event in the club. Until 2002, the world cup was conducted under different names at different times. But from 2000, the world cup event was formalized and it is being organized by the International Chess Federation. Currently, the event is being organized once every two years. Until 2005, the chess world cup had been played by 128 participants. But in 2021, the number of participants increased from 128 to 206. So now, the world cup is played by 206 players. Note that from 2005, the chess world cup has been acting as a qualifying event for the world chess championship. This means that some of the top players of the chess world cup have been chosen to take part in the world chess championship. This is about the chess world cup. As I mentioned about the International Chess Federation, now we will see some points about this organization. The International Chess Federation was founded in Paris on July 20, 1924. Despite being founded in Paris, it is now headquartered in Switzerland. Note that the founding day of the Federation, that is July 20, is annually celebrated as the International Chess Day. The International Chess Federation is commonly referred as FIDA. Note that FIDA is a French acronym for the term Federation International des Estes. The FIDA acts as a governing body of the International Chess Championships like chess world cup and the world chess championship. Note that the motto of FIDA is we are one family. That's all regarding this discussion. Just revise the facts that we discussed here so that it will help you in the prelims examination. Okay. Now with this, let us conclude this discussion and take up the next news article. Look at this article. This article is about the Chandrayaan 3 mission. The article here highlights various points that are relevant for the examination. Now let us understand the points mentioned in this article in detail. First let us understand what is the near side and far side of the moon. The near side and the far side of the moon refers to the two hemispheres of the moon as seen from the earth. The near side is the side of the moon that is always facing the earth and the far side is the side that is not visible from earth. See the moon is tidally locked with the earth which means that the moon's rotation period is same as its orbital period around earth. This results in same side of the moon always facing the earth and the opposite side always facing away from the earth. This is why we see only the near side of the moon from the earth. Okay. The far side of the moon is also called the dark side. But you have to note here that the dark side of the moon also receives sunlight. During the new moon phase when moon is present between the sun and the earth the far side or the dark side of the moon receives full sunlight as you can see in the image given here. So basically the far side of the moon is called the dark side not because it receives no sunlight but because it is the least explored side of the moon. The far side of the moon was not visible to humans until spacecrafts were sent to explore it. The Soviet Union's Lunar 3 mission in 1959 captured the first images of the far side of the moon. And subsequent missions have provided more detailed mapping and images of the far side. Astronets in the Apollo 8 mission of 1968 were the first humans to see the far side of the moon. Now how is the dark side or the far side of the moon different from the near side? The primary distinction between the two lunar side lies in their physical characteristics. The near side has smoother surface with expansive volcanic plains compared to the far side. But in the far side there are craters spanning thousands of kilometers. This is due to collision with asteroids over time. Although the near side also has some craters created by asteroid collisions, extensive volcanic lava flow have effectively filled up the craters. This has given rise to widespread plains in the near side. These plains on the near side offer a more favorable setting for space missions. This topographical advantage proves beneficial for space landers and rovers as they can operate relatively well on the level plain ground. This is why missions like Chandrayaan have opted to explore the near side. Another factor that influenced the decision of Chandrayaan was the necessity of maintaining direct line of sight communication with the earth. See a landing on the moon's far side would have led to a lack of direct communication. So to address this a relay system like an orbiter is needed to bridge the gap. How you may ask me about Chandrayaan 2 orbiter? Yes, the Chandrayaan 2 orbiter is still active and it could have been repurposed as a relay. However, this would have required reorienting the Chandrayaan 2's orbit, moving it further away from the moon and introducing delays up to half a day in transmitting and receiving data from the Pragyan rover. This practical consideration resulted in choosing a landing site on the near side of the moon itself. So these are the two factors that resulted in choosing the near side of the moon for landing the Chandrayaan 3 mission. See until now China's Chang 4 lander is the only one to have successfully landed on the far side of the moon. See although Chandrayaan 3 mission chose a safer option there are some things that are special about this mission. Chandrayaan 3 has positioned its Vikram lander a mere 600km away from the south pole of the moon's near side. This is the closest any mission has been to the moon's south pole. This region of the moon is called the permanently shadowed region where sunlight never reaches. This region is important from a scientific point of view as there is more possibility of encountering frozen water ice in this region. But you have to note here that the Vikram lander is not placed in the fully shadowed region. This is because the lander is solar powered and it needs sunlight to carry out its operation. So that's all regarding this discussion. In this discussion we understood about the near side and the far side of the moon. Then we saw two points that were taken into consideration in choosing near side for landing the Chandrayaan 2 lander. In the next three we saw the special attributes of the Chandrayaan 3 mission. Now with this let us conclude the news article discussion session and take up the practice problems questions. We have four practice problems questions. Let us see the moon by one. Let us take up the first question Arjun Erigasi, D. Gukesh and Vidit Kujrati are affiliated with which specific sport. The correct answer for this question is option C. Chess. Please take down this names given here because we can expect a question regarding chess in our next problems examination. Now moving on to the next question. This question is based on our BRICS discussion. Let us take up the first statement. The chairmanship of the BRICS rotates annually based on the English alphabet of first letter of the member countries. This statement is incorrect. The chairmanship of the BRICS rotates annually based on the acronym BRICS and not based on English alphabet. So statement one is incorrect. Moving on to the second statement. The Asian development bank was established based on the agreement of BRICS nations. This statement is incorrect. It is actually the new development bank which was established based on the agreement of BRICS nations. Moving on to the third statement. So far India has chaired the BRICS grouping only twice. This statement is also incorrect. India has chaired the BRICS group three times till now. India has chaired on 2012, 2016 and 2021. Since all the statements given here are incorrect, the correct answer here is option D none. Moving on to the next question. Here three statements are given. We have to find how many of the statements are representing the original jurisdiction of the Supreme Court. Let us take up the first statement, a dispute between the government of India and one or more states. This statement is correct. This is one of the original jurisdiction of the Supreme Court. Moving on to the second statement. A dispute regarding the election to either house of the parliament or that of the legislature of the state. This statement is incorrect because the election disputes can also be heard in the respective high courts in the state. So it is not the exclusive original jurisdiction of the Supreme Court. Moving on to the third statement. A dispute between two or more states. This falls under the exclusive original jurisdiction of the Supreme Court. Since only two statements given here are correct, the correct answer here is option B only two. Moving on to the last question. This question is based on our Chandrayanthri discussion. It is a assertion reasoning question. Look at the first statement. Only one side of the moon is visible to us earth. This statement is correct. Only one side that is the near side is always visible to earth. Moving on to the second statement. The moon moves around the earth in about 27 days and takes exactly the same time to complete one spin. Actually, this statement means that the moon is tidally locked with earth. This is why the moon takes the same number of days to complete one revolution around the earth and the same number of days to complete one rotation in its own axis. This is the reason why from the earth we can see only one side of the moon, that is the near side of the moon. Since the statement 2 is correct and also correctly explains the statement 1, the correct answer is option A. Both statement 1 and statement 2 are correct and statement 2 is the correct explanation for statement 1. The main question based on today's discussion is displayed here. Interested aspirants can write the answer and post it in the comment section. If you like today's video, like, comment and share it with your friends. For more updates regarding UPC preparation, subscribe to Shankara IS Academy's YouTube channel. Thank you for listening.


Let's have a look at UV light. What is this exactly? Well, visible light that we see falls in different spectrum than UV light. UV light can be divided in three types of light. We have UVA, UVB, and UVC, and they all have a different wavelength, all coming from the sun. UVC has the shortest wavelength from 100 to 218 nanometers. And in fact, this is filtered out by the ozone layer and it could not penetrate the outer layer, so the horny layer of dead skin on your skin. More dangerous is the UVB, that's the B for burning. We know that when we stay too long in the sun, our skin turns red. And this is caused by UVB rays which go through the skin, through the epidermis of the skin. These wavelengths are a little bit longer and so they are from 280 to 340 nanometers. And then we have the UVA rays, which are the A for aging, so something we want to avoid, of course, even a longer wavelength. They go from 315 to 400 nanometers. Important to know is that UVA rays can penetrate deeper into the dermis and that they can also penetrate through windows and through clouds. So it will always be around you in your car and wherever you're going. So that's why it's very important to protect yourself in daily life.  But let's see how severe this really is. Looking at all the studies that have been done in the past, there are some interesting facts. Number one, the amount of exposure that one gets from putting your hand in a lamp during a nail service is far lower than the exposure that you would get walking to your car in natural daylight. Also, studies have been done specifically on this topic on young people who actually did develop skin cancer on the back of their hands and they compared patients who did and did not have very frequent nail services and there was no correlation between that. Limits exist for people who are exposed to UV light for professional reasons. And it's important to know that if you would place your hand in the curing lamp for 36 minutes every single day, you would still be below the occupational limit for UV. Also, you know that UV lamps are also used in the medical industry to treat skin services like, for instance, psoriasis. And the intensity of lamps like that is you would have to have nail services every week for 250 years to equal one such treatment. So I think it's very safe to say that your lamps are very safe to use. If your client, however, is very afraid and does not trust any of the scientific evidence that exists, then the only thing that you can do is to provide ways to make your client feel more comfortable. One of the things that you can do is to use gloves without fingers. By the way, the back of the hand is four times more resistant thanks to the horny layer than, for instance, the skin that we have in the face. Also, the nail itself acts as a filter and it is equal to SPF of 40. But for these clients, I would suggest put on a glove or even a hand mask, with which you cut a nice hydrating treatment while you do the nails. You can also use some rock cream, but be careful because you know that grease and gel are enemies. So protect your client if she feels she needs protection but also protect your work.


International Women's Day is celebrated on the 8th of March. This year the theme is invest in women, accelerate progress. Achieving gender equality and women's well-being in all aspects of life is more crucial now than ever if we are to create prosperous economies and a healthy planet. So here is wishing you a very happy and healthy International Women's Day.


Hey, Tony Gaston is here now. I told y'all when I shot the video for the Tender Swindler, I asked, I said, hey, if any of y'all have a story from online dating, just reach out to support at TonyGaston.com. Got a few emails, but we had somebody that was available today, so I said, hey, while it's hot, I want to just jump right on it and just have a conversation so I can learn more about online dating from other perspectives, but also just hear stories so that other people can learn from it and it's from real people who watch my videos in my audience and not just something on Netflix that we saw. So thank you so much, Ms. Belinda, for being on. I'm so glad you was able to make it here. So first I want to ask you, you know, tell me a little bit about yourself. I know your name is Belinda.  I live in Atlanta, Georgia. I work in higher ed. I won't say where. And I'm an accountant and currently in process of changing my career from accounting to law. Okay, okay, awesome. And right now your relationship status, single, married, divorced. Single, divorced. Okay, awesome. Are you a mother? No, not yet. Okay, awesome, awesome. So now you have an online dating story that kind of took you through some things. Now what site were you using? Well, before we go there, I want to ask you, what was the thought process? And now remove all my voice of online dating this and that. And just take me through your thought process when you were getting ready to get online, what you said to yourself and what gave you the courage to just go ahead and jump out there and try it. The thought process, I was divorced for six years prior to it. So I wanted to try something new. That wasn't the way. I was divorced six years prior to it. So now you have one divorce or two. Two now.   And so now when you got on there, what was the site that you got on? Plenty of fish. Plenty of fish, which I call plenty of sharks. Yes. Okay. And now what year was this? 2012. So it's been out there for a while.  I met a gentleman. As you was saying earlier about people not being able to go meet in person and stuff like that, because the awkward. Well, everybody is there. Any awkward gentleman is definitely there. They don't want to meet anybody in person or at a bar by themselves because they don't know how to approach a woman. So I met this gentleman. We met at Starbucks. And he was late. Strike one. Strike two, he didn't own his vehicle. Strike three. He was not able to really afford his apartment, but he was affording it. And as time went by, we ended up dating for about a year and a half. And then he proposed. We got married. I ended up buying a house. This is where the debt starts adding up before you go there now. And I think that's the kind of picture of him for me, like, raise, hide, wait, color, job. They work for a well-known warehouse. So you had a pension. You had, you made more money than me. You had a nice car. You had. Not education, but okay. All right. I can give you a slide on that, which now, no, can't nobody slide on that. I knew how to talk.  So I thought. It's just a lot of things that was revealed to me that said that this person had some issues. How tall was it? I'm five, six, so he was probably five, nine. And on the look scale, what, how would you describe his look? You know, very handsome to you. Okay. I have girlfriends that say I always pick a celebrity as my mate. First one was a Tyree's Gibbs looking like. The other one was a, I guess you can compare him to David Washington, Denzel's son. Okay. Okay. Okay. So on the attractive scale, you know, he was attractive to you. Yes. Okay. Okay. And what was his age? He was three years younger than me. Younger. Three years younger than you. And at the time, were you doing the same job you do now? No. And so he made more than you. Yes. And y'all met at Starbucks. And y'all dated for about a year and a half. Now in the dating. What were some red flags in the day? I recall an incident. No, I recalled him constantly running. And he said, I will always say this. When we get into arguments, he ran. I later found out why. But in arguments, he couldn't, he couldn't handle confrontation. And, and it could have been the simplest things of our argument, something that could have been easily settled. One incident, I was in the restroom. And he came in and we was talking about something and it was just some look in his eye that looked like he was going to attack me. That should have been my red flag right there. I ignored it and maybe thought it was me. Filling that way and proceeded with the relationship. Yeah, I see. Now you say you later found out why he would run. What was the reason? Because he put his hands on me. Okay. So he would kind of shut down so that trying not to show that side of himself. Yep. But later he showed that side of himself. Yes.  Now what was his plenty of fish story? Was it like something he always was on or what, what did he say about why he got on there or how long he had been on there? I didn't really know how long he was been on there. I think he was on quite a few sites. And. At that time you really wasn't thinking about people being on sites like that. Like I say, I was new to it. So I really didn't discuss that, but I kind of wish I did. Now your first husband, did you meet him on an online site? No, sir. Okay, okay. We were working, we were school, we were summer workers. That's how we met. Okay, okay. So, so you had experience of meeting a man out in the real world. And dating him and getting married to him, learning lessons from that. And then the next time you say, well, let me try online been divorced six years. You got online. And now in the dating phase with you and this gentleman, how often did y'all talk? Every day to the point that it was like high school law again, like you will literally sit up here and sit on the phone until I fell asleep. Yeah, that that's tight. Give me one second because you just said something. And I said, you know what? I just said this earlier. I was on this here video. And I say, I need to go ahead and I hadn't made it public yet. But I said, I need to go ahead and put this out there before people say, oh, Tony did that after she said that. But I said something like that about, you know, the love bomb, just talking to you the whole time. It was like high school all over again. Now, when it came to just y'all's chemistry, did you feel, did it feel compatible? Like, did you feel like, like your first guy, you say it was kind of like a Tyrese look alike. So this guy was like David Washington look alike. Did it feel like y'all had that chemistry like that connection or was, were you forcing it or did it fit? Well, he wasn't forcing because he was talking to you every day. Like, was it in your lane? Like, did it feel comfortable? It felt comfortable until my family met him. Okay. So what did the family say? My father said, I need you to stop finding guys that you can run over. I was like, oh, okay. My sister said, no, he ain't it.  Playing his day. And everybody seems to have known what's something that I did not see. Now, did he live in Atlanta? Yes. Okay. Okay. And so punk by punk, she meant maybe. No, I'm from Chicago. So that's what they called. Right. Yes. And I mean, punk, that means like, could it be on both sides? No, no, no, no. I couldn't say the other word, but a B. Oh, okay. Okay. Yes. Okay. Now, now that kind of man. I think they kind of was saying he might like me. Like, um, I, I kind of figured that too. Yeah, I kind of, I kind of suspect that now too. Yeah, because a man giving off that vibe to, to your dad, to your sister, it sounded like in a nice way, they was trying to say, listen, but Linda, he's not into women without saying it. That's what it, that's kind of what I'm picking up on now. So how long did y'all date? You say a year and a half. We got married the beginning of 2014. New Year's Day. Okay. In the new years. Okay. So he proposed at what month? My birthday in 2013. Okay, okay. And when y'all got married, how, how long apart was that from when he proposed and when y'all got married? Probably about six months. About six months. Okay. And at this time you say he's working. He's making good money, had a nice car. And when y'all got married, now take me through that story right there, like what happened next when you say you bought a house and this where the debt kind of started to come. Got the house Labor Day 2013. And the day before the marriage, we had an argument. My parents was there. And he did something to where he snatched me or he grabs something and I was like, yo, we don't have to get married tomorrow. We can have a New Year's Day party, all this food that I got. We don't have to get married tomorrow. You can go. And he was like, that's not what I meant. So we ended up getting married that day. Fast forward five months later. Mother's Day. We went to go see his mother. Had a low country ball. And we came home. He was a little bit intoxicated from celebrating with his mom at his mom's house. So he went to go take a nap. Phone rings. So you don't lay this name on his phone. So who's, who's that. Who is such and such. I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe he didn't hear me. Who is such and such. I don't know what you're talking about. So I'm gonna ask this one more time. Who is such and such. I don't know what you're talking about. And proceeds to roll over and go to sleep. So I get up. And I grab the phone and run. He runs by me. And proceeds to fight me as if I was a dude on the street. I said, okay. I'm screaming. I'm your wife. I don't know if you forgot you blacked out what I'm your wife. So. That was the first time. Second time happened when I was 35. On my birthday. And I had already been dealing with some depression because of him. So I was on Xanax. And if I wasn't on Xanax that night, I probably would, my life would have probably changed that night. Because somebody was going to pass. So by the grace of God, I was able to get in the bathroom and call the cops. And when they came, he has stole the car. And they had sat there and basically. He's calling me on the phone and I'm telling you the cops standing there. And you basically the cop is telling him, you need to bring that car back here. Because when we find you. It's going to be a different story. So you need to bring her her vehicle back. So he finally came back. They talked to him. And then they arrested him that night. So on my bird, not 35th birthday. I'm at the court. I'm at the court for domestic violence. Hmm. That is something. So that was kind of like his thing. He would. And he had a thing for dates. Like he told special dates, New Year's. Marry you. Your birthday to get engaged. Your other birthday to put hands on you the day before the wedding to snatch you. So it was kind of like he had this issue with your, with big days, like he would act out. Big days and I believe jealousy. That morning, the day before that day that it happened, my mother had just said something about wishing me happy birthday on Facebook and I read it to him. And I don't know what happened after that.  What about a father? They still married. Hmm. So. It sounds like he wanted you to be more isolated. So that he could annihilate the isolation before annihilation because. With him being a type to get physical. If you being the victim are close to people. And you got representation, you got love and support. He can't really get away with everything he want to do. Right. That's what I'm hearing. Now, so how long were y'all married? We were married for, if it was up to me, it would have ended in 2014. My mother. Said people make mistakes. And I tried. I tried to the point that I was like, no, I don't feel right. I feel like I am going to lose my everything if he doesn't leave. So I ended it. I sold my house because I knew if I didn't sell my house, he was going to try and come back. So for years, I made sure. That he didn't know where I was. Where I was doing any of that. Until this day, he's still calls. I have been able to get the help that I need as far as like telling my story. Getting therapy and everything. I'm even. As part of my healing. Talking to him. And telling him and trying to encourage him to go seek help. Because he still doesn't understand what led him to none, none verbal communication for you to put your hands on me. I see. That is interesting.  That says, that says to me, he could have been picked on and taken advantage of growing up. And a lot of times when men go through that. The man, the man, we take that out on a woman. As an adult, because we finally in a place to where we could be the strong person. And so that that is. Unfortunate is common. He told me that I. He was terrified of me. And then he said recently that I motivated him to stand up to other people. And I'm like, okay, it's kind of conflicting. Which one is it? Was I was I a bully or what, what, what was it?   He trying to, you know, victim blame.  And that's the thing, you know, a lot of men go through that. And so I remember I was 19, 20 years old in a talk to relationship.  And so instead of him saying that he's shifting it to you. Or you terrified me. But now when he said you encourage him, or he learned from you basically to be able to stand up to other people. It sounds like to me he's saying, by him getting physical with you, it built his confidence. That's what I'm hearing. That's sad. That's sad. But I think that's exactly what he's saying. And so now why do you still care? Like care enough to talk to me? I have no idea.  Like I care about your wellbeing. I care if you're, you recently got coronavirus. I care about that. Okay. What were you doing? I don't know why I still care for people who don't really care for me. And I'm trying to figure that out. It's actually very common. It's very common for, I feel like 70 to 80% of women. And it could just be the nurturing nature of a woman. And then of course, therapists going to have their terms, I found, you know, I found it in, I found it to be very common. So whatever term that a therapist or a doctor would label it, it's not a small percentage of people. It's a lot of, it's a lot of women. And men typically will feel that way too, but men will mask it by sleeping around or getting into some other vice. So now, hmm, I don't think you should be talking to him. Oh, I'm about to end that. I'm ending that today.  You know, he need the professional help and you already told him that so he knows that and he knew that before you told him that. So you talking to him will be him playing a role to be able to slip back into your life even five years from now. He's also aware that it's ever increasingly difficult for you to date in this climate. One you in Atlanta, a lot of men, they're like men. And then the straight men are so into just sleeping with so many women and the strip clubs and just chasing money, they trading in real estate that they're not really focused on their relationship there. So it's a small. So he knows that. So he knows if you're willing to talk to talk to him and you're willing to keep that door open, that he eventually could slip back in there in a moment of desperation with which could be three years from now. You know, and so you got to get that distance, get that separation so you could work on you love you and do what you got to do. So how long total where y'all married. According to the paperwork a year. Okay, well, hey, that's that's good that it's short because it could have been I was expecting three or five years. So, I learned my lesson from the first marriage. That that's it. They are not going to change. Now let me ask you, did he ever give you money from you? Did you ever give him money, loan him money? No. Okay, okay. He didn't need your car. No. And he didn't ask you for no money. No, if anything, he he surprised me and gave me money. Okay, so that and I'm not used to that. I'm the give. I'm not used to receiving. Okay. Unfortunately, but Linda. That's that nurturing. No, no, not nurturing.   And then for him to get with you and be with you only around 14 months and then propose to you, but not be a good man. And I don't know if he was a good man. So you were his beer. You were his cover up. Like he got with you because, and then that lady named that popped up could have been a transvestite. It looked like it. It looked like it. It did. And his best friend was born.  You just proved it.  You know what it looked like. She had a hard life. That was a man. Okay, because I'm recently like, I've been hearing them saying a guy's name a lot. Like, you know, you expect him to say a girl's name. I'm like, why are you on the phone with this guy so long? And I used to question that when he was on, when he was, when we were married, it used to be some other guy's name that he used to be like, yeah, I'm going out with such and such. And I'm looking like, y'all kind of close. You say his name more than you. Then you say my name. Yeah, yeah. And that ain't, that's not typical. That's not typical, the type of man that'll get married in two years. It's not typical for him to be so buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy with no man. And cause I'm the type of man that'll get married within two years. And I really don't even talk to guys on the phone. I don't even hang out with guys like that. Like every now and then go to a football game or something. But, and for that woman to look rough like that. And it's, it's a really big thing today. I'm hearing so many women, their man deals with transvestites. And it's very common. And I mean NFL players doing this NBA players doing this, like big strong muscular macho men doing this. So for your sister to call him a pump. And for your daddy to say, you can run over this man. They sent something they want to tell you. And then your mom, I don't know why moms do that, but it's probably because of when her and your dad was younger. But I wouldn't expect that she's the one who left him because she was dealing with stuff. And that's probably she got to her. She probably got to her breaking point. But she probably forgave some stuff. When in the very beginning she said, listen, people make mistakes. Because she probably didn't really feel like it was going to be that deep or go too far. And she probably had them forgave some people. And then also a mom wants as many grand babies as she could get. Yeah, she don't have to get get some, some dogs for that. So she probably was like, you know, it's bragging rights for a mom to say my daughter married. And then if you decide to have a kid or I got me a grand babe on the way, it's bragging rights. And it didn't also her just thinking about you. She know what it's like to be alone. She know it's not easy to be single.  She was trying to see the bright side, but I'm glad that even though she said that you found the strength to leave after a year. So, okay, so, so what I would take my take away from yours is that soft men get online to find a cover up. That's my takeaway. Now you don't feel like you don't seem like you really thought that over lead that. I would have thought I would have eventually saw it. It was too early. It was too early. If y'all would have stayed together, you know, five years, even three years. It was, it was getting ready to come on out. But it was too early because it's so easy to do stuff and not, it not show up and not get called. It's really easy. So, not five or 10 years. Definitely you would have saw some things. Yeah, so. Well, Mr. Linda, I thank you for sharing that story. And what I would say to, to those of you who are, you know, watching this, what I would say is taking. Be mindful when you, if you online dating when you meet somebody that when you take this person around to your mother, your father, your siblings, your friends, and they give you some advice about this person to really sit with that and really take it to heart and really. Sometimes you've got to put the decision in the hands of somebody else who you know and love that's not hating on you because they could see what you can't see. And they're not in your shoes. They're on the outside looking in. So that's what I would say to everybody who sees this is to really take that into account from somebody. And if you don't have friends and family then send the person to me send me a picture and all the information to support that Tony gas and I write you back and tell you, yeah, that ain't gonna work because this right here is this is the thing. So you have and when I say scammers, like tender swindler, he was for money. But, but the other side is what you're going to have. You're going to have the guys who want money. You're going to have the guys who want easy. Access to a woman.  And they'll just pick anybody. And so with, with, with you, Belinda, you have like a motherly nurturing vibe. You know, yeah, you could be tough and stuff, but you could tell that you have a loving spirit.  Every time I see a woman with your spirit, not every time, but a lot of times I see a woman with your spirit and your energy. Just whole aura. When I see her man. A lot of times it's a man that I could tell is into men. And he going to this person who's not going to be super investigative or judgmental. Because you love yourself.  So if you ain't got nothing to hide, you're not expecting people to have something to hide. Or if you still not scarred or hurt from somebody in the past who had something to hide, because sometimes you can have nothing to hide, but because of what you went through, you really looking into this person. But you were actually healed.  You were healed and you were ready for love. So that's why you didn't jump to conclusions. You didn't want to judge him. You didn't want to, you know, believe what other people saying about him. You look for the good in him. But I'm glad. That was that's the true sense of self love. Because if it was self hate, you would have been so desperate that you would stay. So you're not going to have something to hide. You are going to have to live. So you're not going to have anything to hide. And there's millions of women going through what you went through and they still in it. They still in it five, seven years in. And they don't have a strength to lead. So I commend you on that. Thank you for that. Sit down and start writing it right out the whole thing. Oh, yeah. You want to use some. I know. I know it's a lot more in there that you ain't saying. you know so and but we get it and we'll save it for the book. So hey thank you so much for your time and to anybody else if you got a story similar to this or even deeper just write in the support at tonigaction.com and hopefully we can share some stories on here so other people could be mindful of some things to look out for. So thank you Belinda. Thank you. Have a good one. And you know what actually I'm a gift you to birth your book course. Thank you. But just for your time for you doing this and telling your story you putting yourself out there to help other people and you agree for this to be recorded and shared so I'm a gift you to birth your book course so if you ever want to just write flesh out a whole story even if it's a fiction story that you could hand out and bless people with I'm a gift that to you so send an email into support and with your first and last name and your email address and I'll add you on to tonigascansacademy.com. Okay thank you. All right thank you take care. All right you too. Bye bye.


Anyways, welcome on the last talk of the day, I guess, so everybody try and stay awake as we go through this. I was originally going to talk about hyperthermia and cold thermogenesis and kind of had a nice little talk prepared, but man, this whole different topic has been pretty fresh on my mind of late, and so I figured I'd come down here and share with you all something that I haven't shared before in this context, but if you do want to learn about how to take a cold shower, you can go to my website, there's a video that shows you how to turn the knob to cold and stand, and then when you're done, turn the water off, and that was the other talk I was going to give. This is me when I was about 13 years old, and I was a really, really introverted kid, like super introverted. I mean, I was homeschooled, which already meant that I wasn't quite a social butterfly, and I would sit in my room for hours and read. I didn't really want to be around people, frankly, I didn't really like people. They weren't that interesting compared to reading about knights and princesses and dragons and castles and all the things inside my books, and even when I went outside and did things I always liked to be by myself, I didn't like to share experiences, I like to be inside my own head, and as a matter of fact, took pride in, and still sometimes take pride in, like my ability to be a total self-sufficient loner, like who just doesn't really need people. At least that's the story that I've told myself for a really long time, or had been telling myself for a really long time, that I was just like hardwired to be okay without people, and we'd have visitors over and my parents would literally have to threaten me with punishment to, if I didn't come out of my room and visit with people, and so I'd like come out and look people in the eye, you know, hi Mary, hi Bob, and then just like duck back into my room and read and read and read, and that's the way that I was, and honestly, up until the past several years, like that's the way that I continued on with a lot of my life, like just being by myself, being a loner, making a name for myself is basically an arrogant prick who wasn't that interested in talking to people, who was engaged in a lot of like transactional, not transformational relationships, and why am I telling you all this?  Okay.  That fault, so there's this, this condition, there's a condition that's very problematic and very, very widespread and increasing with great frequency. I think most of you know what it is. I have a whole list. I don't like to read the slides to people in most cases, but you can see right there the host of issues associated with this condition that are actual biological issues, not just psychological, but things that manifest in a very measurable physiological manner. And when you look at this list of issues, you know, from damaged heart muscle to immune system issues, pain, fatigue, depression on par with smoking in terms of mortality risk, and increasing pretty rapidly since the onset of COVID, the condition that I'm talking about is loneliness. Loneliness is not quite the same as social isolation.  In a sense, there's very few cases where one can be socially isolated without being lonely, but people can definitely be lonely without being socially isolated. And we see a lot of that nowadays if we consider socialness to be something that we find via digital interaction, via things like social media, and that's one big glaring issue is that a lot of these symptoms that I'm talking about manifest in people who have rampant access to 5,000 Facebook friends. There's a lot of stuff that we miss out on. A lot of stuff that I think is built into us from a real ancestral standpoint, which is why I think this is appropriate to look at from an ancestral context. When we have no actual physical touch, we have no eye contact, when we don't produce pheromones that other people can detect and smell, when we aren't releasing or producing as much oxytocin, when there's no sensing between two human beings of the interaction between one person's heart or brain's electromagnetic field and another person's heart or brain's electromagnetic field, we are missing out on a ton of what it means to be human, to experience humans. If you look at the iGen group, I don't know how many people are in it, it's basically like 95 to 2012-ish is the iGen group, admittedly I'm kind of a dummy, I forget who the group is that comes after that, who's the group that comes starting in, sorry Aaron, who's the group that comes in 2013 and onward? Is it, anybody know? All right, well, what's that? Yeah, I'm not sure what 2012 after is. But anyways, generation iGen is basically some category you would fall into if you probably don't remember ever having had a smartphone. Just looking at most of you, probably, who in here is an iGen generation, like 95 to 2012? Yeah, so most of you remember the days when the phone would ring and you didn't know who it was unless you were one of the lucky people in the neighborhood who had the caller ID, which we actually did because my dad owned a telecommunications company, so we were early adopters of the brick-sized cell phones and I would go to soccer practice with a pager on, looking like a little drug dealer, just so my mom could page me to pick up the milk.  In a sense, I think that this problem is even worse in the subset of the population that largely is not present in this room and it's growing worse with each subsequent generation that has developed the notion that meaningful human interaction can occur via an impersonal medium. There's a book, it's called Reclaiming Conversation by Sherry Turkle. I'm going to give you all a few different book recommendations as I go through this because I've discovered in my own path of realizing that introversion is not necessarily a noble character trait, at least not the way that we tend to think about it when it comes to self-sufficiency and independence and those books have been really helpful for me. How many of you in here would consider yourself to be somewhat introverted? I'd imagine it will be more than 50% of the room because there's a lot of really smart people in here and we all know the introverts are smarter, right? At least we have our nose down in a book more. We have our nose down in a book more. But yeah, I do find that in more intellectual or didactic or university settings, etc., a lot of times people are a little bit more introverted because it's conducive to learning but there are a lot of potential pitfalls to being introverted and some of the books that I'll share with you I think would be helpful for you because they've been really helpful for me. Sherry Turkle not only talks about the mental health crisis but also questions as I just alluded to whether or not we can actually form meaningful personal interactions through an impersonal medium because there's really the prefix of an actual personal relationship that a lot of times is absolutely absent from that medium meaning that the number of your Facebook friends or the people who you're interacting with on Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat or TikTok those people whose feeds you're scrolling through as you're laying in bed at night all by yourself or in the afternoon and bored. There's very, very little that's occurring in terms of oxytocin or pheromones or any of these touch receptors or many of the physical, biological ancestral mechanisms built into us that we crave. Hence, we are hyper connected in an era of loneliness. And again, it's a growing issue. This isn't helping, right? The idea of being social but at a distance, Zoom, who's been to a Zoom party? Like, yeah, they suck, they do. Drinking a cocktail, I mean pants optional again. That's the only nice part about it. But yeah, I mean, anyone who has been a part of those interactions knows it's different. I run a digital company. I run a remote company. We have huddles every morning. We have like 15 minute team calls for Keon and for Ben Greenfield Fitness where we all come together and we talk and we chat. I don't even like it. I don't like it that much. I used to go down to Boulder where our offices are and we'd all gather in a circle and meditate together and talk together and go on adventures together and have coffee together and hug and high five. And the huddles kind of sort of keep us together. But it really is an intensely different experience when it's pixels and zeros and ones. I was joking out in the foyer that I'm not even that great right now, a facial recognition in the absence of a mask because we lose so much when it comes to reading the emotions and seeing the true feelings of others when half of the face has, you know, a blouse on it. And so, you know, it's a big issue. And the way that I think about it is this, when it comes to digital interaction and your Facebook friends, your Instagram crowd, your Twitter crowd, et cetera, you need to ask yourself, who will be crying at my funeral? That seems like a bit of a dramatic and potentially negative way to think about your relationships. But it really is powerful when you think about it. And it really spoke to me when I read those words in another book that I'll recommend to you. That is also a wonderful book to read if you want to become a little bit more hyper connected to people. It's called I like you more if you're more like me. John Ortberg, he's one of my favorite authors. And I'm actually going to read you what he says and why that spoke out to me so much. He says, so who will not be crying at my funeral? My critics, people who write to ask for favors, but whom I never hear from otherwise. People whose approval I'm constantly trying to gain, but who always withhold it. Rich people who I think might give me something if I get to know them better, but so far it hasn't happened. One of the reasons rich people get rich is they really know how to take advantage of people actually. Not all rich people, but I've noticed that. They're not out there for you, they're out there for them in many cases. Successful people who success I think might rub off on me if I hang out with them more often. People who see me frequently but don't remember my name. People who I think could make me feel important if I could just get them to notice me. People who are cooler than me. Famous people I've never actually met. Beautiful women whose pictures are on the internet but who don't actually know I'm alive. People I'm afraid of. People who are afraid of me. All the people in the little jewelry box of my mind whose opinion of me matters so much but who aren't thinking about me at all because they're wondering what other people are thinking about them. John did not write all of your digital friends, but I suspect that despite me having 5,000 friends on Facebook and despite me getting a real dopaminergic response when one friend drops off and I'm able to accept another, I highly doubt that many of those people would actually come to my funeral. Like the deep personal relationship is simply not there. Who is likely to cry at my funeral? John says, my children and their families, my wife, my brother and sister, my good friends, my parents, if I should go before them, and people I have genuinely and personally helped. In other words, the people with whom I have true intimacy. And that's very, very difficult to develop those kind of relationships in a digital era. That's a question that I ask myself often it might sound like a selfish question, but it's a good lens to look through and I'll talk to you a little bit more about the ways that I've found to be super meaningful for building a community and combating this epidemic of loneliness. But a big, big part of it is me asking when I get people together, how can I create a scenario as the chief executive officer of this experience? As another book called Friendship in the Age of Loneliness describes as the sheriff of the good times. How can I ensure that I'm creating a network of people who will indeed cry at my funeral? And that's a really, really powerful way to think about the relationships that you're building. So the opposite of loneliness, the opposite of loneliness, I mean, it's I think a somewhat obvious question, but I'll ask it anyways. What would you say the opposite of loneliness is? Connection. Community, it's another L word. You're all kind of right. Fellowship does not start with an L-tucker. Fellowship starts with a L. Come on, you gotta work with me here. Love, love, and it's very interesting because when you look at the host of positive biological benefits that emanate when you introduce more love into your life, they're actually more profoundly experienced when you're not just giving love, but it's particularly powerful I'm sorry, not when you're receiving love, like receiving something from someone, but it's particularly powerful when you are going your out of your way altruistically in a very empathetic sense to give love. So it's not just about other people liking or loving you, it's not just about having a network who will cry at your funeral. It is about making distinct planned and scheduled activities in your life that allow you in a very meaningful way to love other people because really like your goal in all of this should not be to live a long time and be super healthy and have low blood pressure and low inflammation because you're loving other people. You should be loving other people because the core of your heart's desire is truly to love your fellow human being, but it's really interesting that there's a huge biological payoff, particularly when you're not just receiving love, but when you are giving love. We've seen, although somewhat contradictory or controversial, the research on the blue zones on the areas where people are living a disproportionate long period of time, we've seen the wide intake of plants and herbs and spices and consumption of legumes and low to moderate consumption of alcohol and lots of time outdoors and one of the things that also falls into that Venn diagram of people who live a very long time in these areas is of course social interactions and relationships, not necessarily with a large number of people. John Calment, who is photographed here, the 115 year old French woman, she didn't have a lot of friends, but she did have close friendships, meaningful friendships and bonds, right? So it's not again about the number of friends, especially the number of digital friends, but it's about maintaining deep and meaningful social relationships with friends and family when it comes to living a long time. And this makes me question why, right? Why would this be? Why does our blood pressure elevate? Why do we shift into a largely sympathetic nervous system or fight and flight response when we are alone? Why do we produce more inflammation? Why does our body kick out all these signals that we are in a completely wrong context, especially from an ancestral scenario? And if you look at the way that we are wired up and you look at, you know, there was one study, it was a longitudinal study of four different populations in the US and the finding was, amongst most of the variables measured, the blood and biomarkers measured, inflammation was notably high in those who were socially isolated or reported increased feelings of loneliness, right? So this has been measured as well and that's primarily a CRP measurement, but we look at the presence of what are called Pacinian corpuscles, right? These pressure receptors that actually respond to human touch, human hugs, interaction. We look at the effect of that pressure on the vagus nerve and, you know, all the things that can tone the vagus nerve from singing and chanting and humming and breath work and all of these things that we do to align our nervous systems. Well, I would put human touch and human interaction into that category as well. Oxytocin, right? The trusting, loving, bonding hormone that also has a host of positive physiological effects is of course released, not only when we're in the same room with someone, but particularly when we touch them, when we hug them, when we interact with them. Serotonin and dopamine are something that tends to get released as a reward signal in response to both those Pacinian corpuscles and also to oxytocin. Pheromones, right?  We even know that there are studies on histocompatibility of mates and the immune system robustness of offspring between a from a man and a woman when the woman in particular has been able to smell the pheromones emitted by a man and is able to choose or select or accept a mate that allows for better immune system variance in the offspring and a big part of that is lost if all you're doing is interacting digitally, via, I don't even know what they're all called now, what, Tinder, Bumble, whatever, like you're losing out on that as well. So we have all these built in mechanisms. It's like the dopaminergic response to excess calories. We were having this discussion at lunch earlier, the idea that we are hardwired to basically want to eat calories for survival, but you put us into a context where all those calories are readily available and chronic disease manifests or what manifests is exercise addiction and the need to just burn off calories. And we actually had a really interesting discussion at lunch. I wish I could share more detail with you, but it was kind of like this idea of healthy hedonism and how our ancestors probably would have killed out of like a whole foods and a Trader Joe's and everything all around them and then find out that the only thing they really have to do to be careful in that context is make sure they, whatever, paddle board and swim in cold water and go play some frisbee golf and kind of have their cake and eat it too. And I mean, when done right, healthy hedonism is actually, I think a much more pleasant and pleasurable way to live than fighting for calories all day long and then trying to conserve calories when you can't get them. But it's a very similar built in mechanism when we look at loneliness. And this is all based on the idea, and this is another great book by the way, wonderful book, transcend the new science of self actualization. It kind of takes a lot of, oh, who's the hierarchy, the Maslow's hierarchy. It kind of takes his philosophies and expands them in I think a much, much better way. But you know, this is a quote from that book, no human being is exempt from the dire consequences of loneliness and no other basic human need. Satisfaction can substitute for a deep connection, not money, not fame, not power, not popularity, not even belonging and acceptance, even though we often seek one or another of these other roots and the false hope that they will fully satisfy our need for connection. And a big, big part of this is because of the idea that in an ancestral context, being banished from the village, being isolated, being alone, no longer being recognized as a member of your tribe, no longer being amongst fellow human beings meant a faster death. It meant that you were, unless you're really, really good at the TV show alone, less likely, far less likely to survive, hence you have a built-in mechanism that more or less freaks out if you're not around other people, if you don't have or you're not around your tribe with a lot of evidence seeming to imply that somewhere around, like that Dunbar's number range of 150-ish or so versus 5,000 digital Facebook friends is a pretty healthy number to shoot for in terms of the number of people who you surround yourself with or have deep, meaningful relationships with on a regular basis. So back to me, I was introverted. I was a loner. One of the first books that I read that made me kind of think about just like how I could not be a loner and how I could make friends. Cause again, like I was, I love the idea of homeschooling and unschooling. I'm like, I'm unschooling my own kids and also introducing a high degree of social interaction into that scenario. But like I didn't learn probably as well as someone in a group learning situation how to make friends and how to be social. And I'm sure that drove a little bit of my tendencies. But I read this book by actually a guy who lives down here in LA, Keith Ferratzi. Has anybody read this book, Never Eat Alone? And basically the whole idea behind the book is, and you don't need to go buy it now, like go find people when you're at conferences or you're out in public or you're at home, figure out a way to eat with other people and have dinners with other people. And while you're having dinner with other people, basically love them as much as possible, make it about them, ask about them, ask how you can help them and turn the entire thing into just an awesome exploration of them. And the results in terms of deep and meaningful relationships formed over food come back to you tenfold. And he doesn't deny the importance and neither do I deny the importance of social media. I think social media is wonderful but it's wonderful for fostering these kinds of interactions. I mean, it was pretty annoying back in the day when you wanted to meet friends for dinner and you literally had to call them and say, okay, well let's meet at 8 p.m. in such and such a restaurant. And then you just like drove there and you just had faith that they were there and you'd show up and maybe they were there and maybe they won't. If they weren't able to make it, you can't get a text. And there's all sorts of very convenient aspects of social media when it comes to fostering deeper, meaningful, personal interactions. But when used all on its own and considered to be the final form of social interaction, it's not that helpful. I wanna share with you, based on that trajectory that reading Keith's book got me on, about 10 different tips that I have found to be incredibly useful for myself, for building relationships, building community, building friendships and becoming less of an introvert and embracing less social isolation and loneliness. The first is volunteering. There are a ton of different ways to do this. I first just basically Googled Spokane where I live, the city where I live. Spokane volunteer opportunities. I signed up for several email lists and those come into a special email folder in my computer and anytime I've got free time I look at it on Sunday night. I just plan out any activities that I'm able to go to that week to be able to volunteer.  Like it was like weeding your neighbor's lawn or going out and I don't know, building a rock wall for somebody. But for example, I love parenting. I love raising my children and I love learning a lot about what it takes to be a good husband and a good father and I'm still learning a lot about that but I went down to a local center that basically connects men who are fathers with men who are new fathers and usually men who are new fathers coming into a home that's fatherless meaning like the woman typically basically had a baby, the father left and so these new fathers step in. So it's called strong fathers and I can go down there on Monday nights and go on a walk or have a meal or just sit and chat with the new father and share some of what I've learned with them. Another one that I love to do because I love to cook. Shameless plug, I'll be signing my new cookbook out in the lobby after this. I just love to cook and cooking people meals has been something that I absolutely love to do. I typically tie it into church attendance where I'll look at the church list of people who have cancer or people who have just had a baby or people who are alone or people who are facing financial difficulty and I just get their number and I text them and I ask them which night would work out for me to bring them a dinner and what time they usually eat but I love to cook. I'd probably do this and just go drop it off in the middle of a park and leave it on a park bench because I love to cook so much, right? But the idea that you can take passions and skills that you already have and weave them into just loving others with those passions and skills is something you can give yourself permission to do. On the resources page for this presentation which I'll show you again at the end. I have a URL for you. I'll list a lot of different kind of ways to find volunteering opportunities in your community but that's a big one. I mean, and fortunately that's something I did since I was a kid. My parents did meals on wheels. Anybody else in here do meals on wheels? It's really cool.  It doesn't matter at all.  Dinner parties. Jason Gaynard is a friend of mine who wrote a book called Mastermind Dinners and I began to attend his conferences. I think, Chris, you've been to one of those before. And like a big part of the conference is you all have meals together. He pairs people and you sit down with all these people who are interested in perhaps some of the same things that you are and you all hide your phones and put them in airplane mode and if somebody does take out their phone they gotta pay for the check or whatever but this idea of gathering around food is so important. I think it's one of the reasons that food is so sacred because people gather around it. Just that concept of breaking bread together and drinking together and eating together and sharing a meal together. What I do is I have a Google Doc, a tab always open on my computer with my eight billion other tabs always open on my computer but I have it there anyways and it's a list of all my friends. There's a lot of fancy software programs that collect and curate your list of friends and help to manage all of this for you but I haven't yet started to use those. However, I have one Google Doc, it's got all the friends, it's got their number, their email and what they do if there's any context. And then every single week I sit down I identify one day that week. I mix and match typically about anywhere from four to eight invites. Jason says the magic number for like a restaurant dinner is six to eight. For like a home dinner it can be a lot more because there's kids running around and everything but this idea of hosting dinners, it's so powerful and we were even having a lunchtime discussion about how I didn't have about a year and a half ago many people in my community like many folks I'd roll with who are super interested in the stuff that you and I talk about here like health and biohacking and nutrition and what I've been able to do is actually build a community. I've got like 10 to 12 different guys now who I can go out to dinner with or have over to play Frisbee golf or paddle board or whatever and we can actually talk about all this stuff basically cause they like, they had a grass fed grass finish steak at my house last year and we got into a conversation about grain fed versus grass fed and then all of a sudden that led down a path of me showing them the infrared sauna in the basement and some of the cool biohacking devices and talking about fitness and sunshine and mitochondria and it's like kind of awkward in the beginning because these people you're having over for a dinner party may not speak the same language as you from an interest standpoint but I've found that it's actually amazing to be able to not only teach people and learn from them but to form a community that maybe didn't exist in your community. Why move? Why move to a different place or why despair and stay all by yourself and just go to conferences to get your, you know, scratch your social itch why not be the change that you want to see created and start throwing parties having people over for dinner if you're a crappy cook then do it out at restaurants but this idea of meals and dinners together is something that has been awesome for me and it's great we have a party every week and people come over they hit the sauna they hit the cold pool we play bocce ball we play cornhole we sit around the living room we bring out music, we bring out drums it's just one big party and people gather around that and like it's just been amazing like the dinners are a huge one for me meetups. So I will put a list on the resources page because most people are aware of meetup.com has anybody, because I just started down the route of like throwing neighborhood parties getting to know all my needs because I realized like even though I live kind of out in the sticks I have neighbors, you know within a four mile radius probably like 30 neighbors who I just didn't know that well but I used next door which allows you to create a community that's geographically appropriate for where you are and but use that one before yeah, it's really cool it's like Facebook free neighborhood there's meetups there's another few that actually they were brought to my attention when I was reading that friendships in the age of loneliness book there were a few I wanted to share with you guys there's one called let me find his one called I thought it was really cool like kind of Nietzsche peanut shows you like-minded mothers near you and makes it easier to meet we three find the most awesome people nearby meet new friends in groups of three meet me meet chat and have fun with new people Hilo community management messaging and collaboration all in one place and then Dex is another one Hilo and Dex are two that I'm gonna start into next month to be able to manage all your friends and like curate or collect all of your contacts together and be able to reach out to people in a little bit more organized fashion and again I'll put all these on the page for the presentation there was one that was really cool walkie a community where you say what you want to talk about and get to have a phone call with an interested person right away it's still a phone but it's something and then there's one called good night zoom remote storytelling with an isolated senior but you know what I have found and this was more the case before COVID nursing homes and care facilities they're super open to you coming down and visiting it's probably changed a little bit because the last few times I've called because my sons and I used to go like to go down and most of them have a piano and we play guitar and play like old folk songs they're at the local like the old folk center and I'm like what do you call what's PC can I say old folk center but yeah like that idea of connecting with old people I even read books buy old people for old people because I find so much sage wisdom in them like I just read a book called gunlap and it's just a book written by an old man giving other old men advice and I figure wait if he's an old man it was a ton of wisdom telling other old men what to do before they get to his age then I could read this and start doing this same stuff when I'm 30 or 40 or whatever so look for elderly people as well that's another really really good thing church I even though I grew up Christian and I still am Christian and I still love God I love to talk to God and worship God like I like to walk in the forest and be under the blue sky in the sunshine that's when I feel most connected to the divine like that's where I can be deeply spiritual so for me church was just like I gotta go there and sing the song shake people's hands and pass around the plate but I've actually realized like in the past couple of years church is amazing and I think it's cause I started going to church more after COVID but there's you get to know people who are way different than you who otherwise you normally may not have ever interacted with you get to sing together and when you walk into a church like the energy, the intense energy compared to say like walking into a funeral is amazing just because there's a huge amount of positive energy and peace and love and joy in there the number of people who need help in terms of volunteer opportunities and ways for you to help people like if you go into a church there's so many people who need help and that's one of the reasons they're at church often and I realized there's a lot of dogmatic religions who have done a great deal of horrific damage in history and there's a lot of failures with the politics of church but when it all comes down to it that's yet another place most communities have that is amazing for building culture and finding people to have for dinner parties and finding people to help and volunteer with renewing forsaken family relationships I started doing this a year and a half ago I didn't get along the wealth of my sister or my brother Isaac I was embarrassed about him my brother Zach I'm always like I'm set with him because he's just he's flaky and I'm always complaining about people in my family but I realized that nobody's perfect and they have issues with me and so what I started doing was bringing the family together as a matter of fact this November I'm trying this out for the first time I rented an Airbnb and me and all my siblings are just gonna go live in the Airbnb for three days and just hang out together and try not to kill each other but you know we have we've been who else in here has like a brother or sister or a mom or a dad who your relationship is just kind of sketchy with and it's just kind of there and we accept that that's normal but that low level angst and bitterness and anger that we now know not only from traditional Chinese medicine but then when we also look at the work of guys like you know Bruce Lipton and biology of belief or the book the body keeps the score like that stuff sits with you biologically and when it's a family member it really sits with you biologically because it's part of your DNA too so I just made a list of all my family members who I just needed to make things right with or have just a really good open honest transparent relationship with and I've been working on mending all those relationships and it's culminating in that big Airbnb get together in November and so think about your family too not just community and friends Reclaim Real Conversation this is the title of the book by Sherry Turkle that I was telling you about and really one of the big ones for her is just like putting down your phone during meals and also figuring out how to have meaningful conversations during meals like something that goes beyond like where you based out of and this sweet potato slaw is really good there's actually some really good ideas in this book friendship in the age of loneliness we keep at our house these table topics cards on the table and sometimes bring them out to restaurants and it's everything from what kind of superhero would you want here eating with us to what's the hardest decision that you had to make last week and I keep a list like this on my phone anytime I mean try it tonight at dinner who's going to the dinner tonight for AHS like maybe not the best platonic sleepover you've ever had I don't do a lot of sleepovers but if you could travel anywhere tomorrow where would you go who in your life makes you laugh out loud when's the last time you cried there's actually this really cool essay you can find if you Google this it's called 36 questions that lead to love they actually developed 36 questions that when couples go out on multiple dates they're going to ask themselves these questions there's a greater degree of intimacy and a greater frequency of falling in love and they're actually really cool questions that you can do with your kids or your loved ones as well I always always have table topics on my phone on the table I mean if any of you sit with me tonight at dinner let's totally do it I love to play table topics but this idea of reclaiming real conversation I find one of the best ways like the low hanging fruit for that is indeed table topics okay the next is to love people and this may seem quite simple but I'd be remiss not to bring it up any decision that you make in life and this is even the way that I run my businesses I don't look at the bottom line I don't look at money I don't look at monetization I simply ask myself how many people can I touch how many people can I love how many people in here have a purpose statement for life like a clear single succinct purpose statement that gets you out of bed in the morning if you don't you should I'm serious like having a purpose statement for life is one of the most precious and meaningful ways to live right and I have an essay on my website how to find your purpose in life I have a book I just published called Fit Soul and in that book there's a whole chapter devoted to finding your purpose in life what would you like to do when you're a kid what puts you in the flow in the zone now what kind of things are you naturally good at but you write that purpose statement and then the one question you ask yourself when that statement or perhaps the paragraph before you dialed it down into a statement is sitting in front of you is okay how can I take this purpose and love other people or you can even just tack at the beginning or the end of your purpose statement loving others you know with this or that or this and living your entire life with the idea that loving other people is basically one of the most important things that you can do with your life and making every decision in the context of does this love other people or is this for loving me is this just for my own survival it's an incredible way to live it's an incredible way to live so every decision that you make think about how can you love other people and start with your purpose statement serving may sound like it's the same as love but it's not serving is when you're actually going out of your way to do something for someone the way that we do this at our house is we gather as a family to meditate in the morning then we gather again as a family to meditate in the evenings the very short meditations five to ten minutes long but the morning meditation in addition to gratitude and breath work and tapping and a family hug afterwards for all those pacinian corpuscles is basically what am I grateful for and the other question that we that we answer in the morning is who can I pray for or help or serve this day the entire rest of the day we might message that person we might call that person we might actually go visit that person we might just send positive emotions and photons and love their direction and pray for them during the day but every single day we do that three hundred sixty five days a year we begin our day in a spirit of serving others not with the self affirmation me me me I am good I'm great I'm wonderful and gosh darn it people like me that's great for building yourself up but you will build yourself up even more if you wake up in the morning and at some point early on in the day write down one person and you get better and better at it as you go you begin to almost into it who it is that actually needs you and your positive emotions and your positive energy that day so we service in your life in the same way that you weave loving others into every decision that you make shared experiences shared experiences can suck they're messy you're hurting cats when you want to go work out and then you got to get everybody else to come and join you when you want to go to a restaurant and you just want to have that wonderful steak that you've grown to love and now you got to share it with four other people and figure out who's going to go and where and how you're going to split up the tab and you know you want to just go like go to a sauna and a cold plunge but you know you decide to invite other people into the experience I have realized that it is messy it is annoying it feels like sacrifice and especially for an introverted guy like me who likes to go off and do stuff by myself opening up those experiences and sharing them with others is actually something that's super awkward and difficult to do when you first start doing it and then once you realize how much better food tastes when you're sharing it with people how much more meaningful a simple activity like golfing or going on a hike can be when you're sharing that with other people how much more meaningful just basically attending a conference like this and sharing the information on a dinner table with other people afterwards can be open yourself up share experiences embrace the messiness of other people it's still something that I'm working on because I like to be by myself but figure out things that you do that you can invite other people to particularly things you enjoy that are dopaminergic and then experience that dopamine release with other people and then finally I was telling Aaron last night about one of the more meaningful books that I've read of late it's by Charles Eisenstein and it's called Sacred Economics and while there's so much in that book that I don't have the time to get into right now a big big part of that book is when we monetize or apply a value to food to work to the environment to other people we create a transactional scenario not a transformational scenario and we remove the sacredness from that relationship many many of us especially in an era where we're able to start our own businesses and have anything from Etsy to PayPal to Shopify etc can tend to fall into a kind of a downward spiral of creating relationships for profit for someone who we can do an affiliate venture with out for us for someone who kind of like that statement by John Albertberg like the rich people who might someday help us in some way don't monetize relationships very how you can make a relationship meaningful and transformational and this idea of not looking at people as currency as dollar bills is something that is actually quite different than the way most people operate these days believe it or not so look at relationships as a way to acknowledge the sacredness of another human being not as a way to perhaps profit from them or make a deal or build your business and now that you're aware of that you might find that you have been doing that a little bit more and it's something to stop doing and just think about how you can love that person how you can serve that person how you can share with that person so I want to finish with with something you can do today I shared a few books with you Never Eat Alone, Reclaiming Conversations Loneliness, Sacred Economics there's also a book by Susan Cain called The Power of Interverts but first of all before I leave you with my final words I would like for you to stand up if you would and do burpees and turn to the person next to you and you don't need to talk to them you can talk to people on Facebook you can talk to people on Twitter it's meaningful but it's just talking we certainly do get sound vibrations and other things that occur when we talk to people but I want you to just with one or two or three people look at each other in the eyes which is really awkward look at them in the eyes and let's try and don't talk don't talk don't talk just look that other person in the eyes if you're okay with that other person placing their hand on your shoulder or holding hands with them or anything like that give them a head nod if that's something that's uncomfortable for you you don't need to you're feeling them you're looking into their eyes and also feel the electricity coming off of their body you might smell them depending on how long you've all been gunked up in here you might not touch electromagnetic signals eye contact it's really meaningful you guys it really is we don't do that enough even with our own children like I you can stop now actually every time I leave and I go somewhere like this I stop and I look at one of my children in the eyes and I just maintain eye contact for two minutes and I'm almost done I'm almost done look people in the eyes more touch people more if they're okay with it and even feel people like actually feel their heart and their brain when you're with them so you can create the world that you want to live in if every single person left here and started doing some of the things that I talked about I mean it's one thing to talk about it but it's another thing to do it we can affect change we can make a difference within our hands to do this so I really really encourage you to get out there try a few of these things that I've talked about begin to build real meaningful relationships in an era of loneliness and we can tackle this together we just need to all help each other out so thank you thank you I will be outside I've got two of my books here boundless and boundless cookbooks so I will totally devalue books for you and sign them and when I'm out there or at dinner tonight happy to chat more about this stuff or anything else and I promise I won't look with a creepy gaze into your eyes for too long alright thank you guys thank you