Today, I'm excited to be with Janelle Hardy. She is a member of my Master Heart Business Mentoring Group, and she does really interesting work that I wanted to share with you all. She helps people write their memoirs. First let me say hi to you Janelle. Thanks for being here. Hi, George. I'm really happy to be here. Yeah. So I want to share your bio with the audience, and then we'll get into some tips and sort of why write a memoir and some tips on how to actually get started with doing it. So let me bring up your bio here. So Janelle Hardy is the creator and teacher of an online transformational memoir writing course, and this is really key. Like it's not just about writing your history, but it's the process actually heals. So this course that Janelle you teach is called the Art of Personal Mythmaking. So you use a process that is body-based. So it's not just in the head remembering things, but it's body-based. It's trauma-informed. So it utilizes your life's history, essentially, as a way of healing, right? And you also bring in fairy tales, and the course is themed to modules to support creative people in healing from their life stories as they write their memoirs. So your Janelle's life experiences, I'm going to just continue reading here, Janelle's life experiences growing up in the far north of Canada as a solo mother and artist combined with her studies in anthropology and dance and 13 years of experience doing hands-on healing called structural integration. And that's all created a rich compassion and wide-ranging approach to life story work, writing and transformation. And the best way of learning about Janelle is doing a two-week... Sorry, not two weeks, it's two hour. Although people can do it in two weeks if they want to. Two hour and it's a free online on-demand workshop called Outline Your Memoir. So be sure to check that out. It's free, it's two hours, it's on-demand. So I'm assuming people can watch a little bit, do a little bit. I'll be sure to put the link in the notes below. So the first question I want to ask you, Janelle, is for those who have maybe never really thought about writing their memoir, why, you know, like I said, you know, as I introduced you, it's not just about, okay, well, I was born this year and then this happened and that happened and this happened. It's not just about recounting the facts in a bullet point of what happened in your life, but it's much more than that the way that you teach it. So why is it, why should we write our memoir, especially in the way that you've been teaching people? Oh, good question. Let's take the should out of it. Okay, yeah. I don't love shoulds, so someone told me the shoulds are called the shitty shoulds because they're a way we can beat ourselves up. Yeah, well, why, what's the benefit? What's the, what might people be inspired or, yeah, what motivates people to do this? Yeah, I don't have to inspire anyone to want to write their memoirs. I would say that at least 80% of the people that I mentioned what I do to when they say help people write their memoirs, their eyes light up and they start confessing that they've held a longing to write their memoirs in, that they haven't started, but they know one day they really want to do this. The reasons vary, but it's really quite incredible how many people have actually been holding in their hearts a desire to maybe not write their memoir with the intention of publishing, but examine their life stories, be able to share some of their experiences with children or descendants or loved ones or even their community. And so I approached this work more from the transformational perspective of wanting to offer an opportunity to grow and change. And I, when I first started teaching the art of personal filmmaking, I didn't even know what was memoir work, but I was using a lot of creative writing prompts and discovered that we were generating enough material to get people to the first draft of their memoir. And when I discovered that and I started sharing that and I saw people's eyes light up, I realized that there was a real hunger for support writing memoir that is also oriented towards the support necessary to face the more difficult or painful parts of your life and that the reason so many people were holding onto this desire and doing nothing about it sometimes for over 20 years was of fear of being overwhelmed by certain stories or experiences they had as well as not feeling resourced to know how to go about such an enormous creative project. And I just, I have the tools and skills to offer that support. Yeah. So it really, thank you for sharing that. It's in the process of, like you said, healing through writing and reflection, it's like there's enough material there. And so what if someone says, well, I don't know, maybe there really isn't that much in my life to write about. But yeah, maybe actually some people may have repressed or tried to forget about the past, especially if it's a traumatic situation. Any, any kind of words of wisdom for us on that? I was giggling a little because I have had people say, I don't think I'm very interesting. I don't, you know, I don't have any, any real stories to tell. And it's not true. That's why it's kind of tickles my humor, because everyone is just so interesting. And, and sometimes a coping mechanism is to kind of brush aside or, or push down certain memories or experiences. This is where the body-based focus comes in so handy because where most of us live in, in cultures that really overemphasize the thinking mind and intellectual thought, rationalizing, critiquing, et cetera. And when we cut ourselves off from our body, we actually cut ourselves off from a lot of resource including emotional responses, memory that gets stored in the body. So having done hands-on body work for so long, there's a very popular saying and it really works as the issue is in the tissue. So if we can shift our attention and our awareness into our tissues and, and invite our body into our process, it reveals not just difficult memories, but it reveals delight and beauty and joy that can also get pushed aside when we're not allowing the body to inform our experiences. Yeah, that's, that's really good. Do you have any, you know, let's, speaking of kind of body and grounding this, like maybe you could tell us a story or two of people who have been through your memory workshop and kind of what, what did it do for them? Oh, I have the most wonderful testimonials and just, I can't even dream up what my course does for people until they tell me. One student kind of shifted out of a need to be right and good all the time, which is a really restrictive state to be in when you're trying to be good and get it right and, and avoid mistakes. So one student was able to shift out of that and embrace, you know, the grumpy, the snarky, the more embarrassing memories of being a human teenager, for example. Another student was working on her memoir. So I often, I get people coming into the course from two different directions about half come in wanting the transformational support. They're not really interested in writing a memoir, but they're creative people. So they like the idea and they're more interested in the support that I offer for healing and that other people come in really interested in writing their memoir, maybe with a bit of awareness that healing support might be useful, but not seeking it out. And then it all kind of moves into the one flow. So I had another student who's a professional writer show up having been working on her memoir for years and getting nowhere. So kind of a third stream of people that show up are people who have actually started writing, but get stuck in the messy middle of the creative project and, and realize that they just need some support and can't do it all alone. And so she was kind of in that state. And yeah. And so she by the end of this was in my live course, I have a self directed in a live version, but she had discovered a completely new direction and themes for the story, which really supported her in moving forward because often a lack of clarity of the core theme is part of how we can get stuck is just generating things without an orientation towards structure. And so she discovered this real clarity about the theme of her memoir. Because with memoirs, we don't write everything in our life. We work with a theme. And she managed to generate even more writing to reorganize the writing that she had and to get a book proposal written or almost finished, I think, which if you're aiming for publishing is a really necessary part of the process. Wow, that's fascinating that it's around around the theme. Now, how, how might someone choose that theme? Because, of course, our lives can be seen from many different angles. So yeah, so if somebody says, well, gosh, I could look at this way or that way, my, my, my professional life, my personal life or this situation or this relationship. Yeah, how do you, how do you advise them to that? Well, this is where my Outline Your Memoir workshop comes in and fairy tales. So fairy tales. Okay, yeah. Tell us about that. Why, why, why using fairy tales in this part of this board? I'll, I'll broaden it to ancient tales, not just fairy tales, but fairy tales is the most, most well known version of ancient tales. I, I truly believe that there are forces outside of our individual selves available in the world, archetypal forces and stories that hold medicine and hold energy and hold cultural knowing and wisdom that are much more ancient than us as a single human. And so ancient tales are actually one of those culturally generated forces that come out of telling and retelling and traditions of oral history. So this is important because for most of humanity, we were not literate, broadly literate. And so story and knowledge and meaning and understanding was always passed down through the more ephemeral arts, what, what are now considered in most cultures as not as important as the big thinking processes, but are actually incredibly important hand, handwork, textiles, ceramics, dance, storytelling are always that we create meaning. And so with storytelling, we have ancient tales that have been certain tales have been traced back to being 6,000 years old or more through linguistic studies. And when you consider a story that has managed to survive that long through waves of colonization and waves of different kinds of religions taking over an area and a culture through language changes, through mostly in a tradition of oral history until the last one or 200 years really when things started to get written down. When we choose an ancient tale that resonates with us and we start to work with it, these stories that seem quite simple. They start revealing an incredible amount of guidance and from the perspective of finding a theme or a pattern to work with and a force, the resonating force in your life, the ancient tale that we choose immediately offers us a narrative arc and two or three themes that we can work with and set everything else aside until the next memoir. So the nice thing about memoir work is it's not just one and done. It's not like an autobiography, which is a linear list of your life and events, but a memoir is a writing memoir as a way of working with yourself and a certain experience or theme to understand more deeply yourself in that context. So my Outline New Memoir Workshop actually prefer people take it before they sign up for my course because then I don't have to explain and educate how important working with something like a fairy tale or a myth actually is to the rest of the process unfolding. Yeah, this is very helpful and also you just mentioned this difference between autobiography and memoir and that's really good as well. It's like autobiographical, it's more about listing facts. It's like a personal history, whereas a memoir is really telling a story and reframing it into something really meaningful. So can you give us some tips? So let's say someone is or kind of walk us through the structure of that free two-hour workshop. Like what are we actually doing during that time? It's a really productive workshop. We start in the recording. I actually explain a fair bit about my own self and my background and my life for two reasons. One is so you get to know me as a teacher if you're thinking about my work but also to demonstrate by example how I'm selecting the different events of my life to illustrate how I got to the point where I teach this kind of work. So it's a bit of a very short storytelling and action sort of exercise and then I do three things in order. I get people to choose a favorite ancient tale and I talk people through what to do if they really can't figure that out. Sometimes it's a bit of a foreign concept. We've really moved away from storytelling as a way of life in the sense of storytelling to each other. We consume a lot of story because through TV and film but that's a little different than the tradition of speaking into each other. So sometimes it's such a new concept and so I have some options if you can't figure out a favorite ancient tale right away and then we make a timeline of that. I'm not going to give it all away because it takes a lot more time to explain than the time we've got together but we make a timeline not of our own lives but of the fairy tale first and then we go through a document I provide. It's called the rites of passage document. We go through that so that people have a chance to take in all the possibility of experiences in your life that are transformative. So it's a document that is really great as a writing prompt resource. If someone thinks they don't have a lot of good stories for example if they circle even five things on that document that'll generate a bunch of stories but what we actually do next is we create a life story timeline and we put the things that are relevant from the rites of passage document into the life story timeline and so here's where we actually do get linear even though my experience and perception of time is that it's much more circular. It really helps to just make a linear timeline from start to finish so we create a life story timeline and the two hour workshop is really not enough time to get it all done but it's enough time for me to set people on their process to feel like they know how to organize ideas and material going forward if they want to keep working on their own or even in my course they still have to generate that material. And then the last step is actually reflecting back onto the two timelines to look for shared patterns and themes and without fail I've taught this workshop live over 15 times now in the last year and a half without fail there's always some really cool insight that arises and offers a reframing of someone's ideas about themselves in their life so and the reframing is really important because we get so stuck in our ideas of who we are and what we've experienced that that when we get stuck in a specific idea we don't allow all the other memories and options and experiences and possibilities available to us into our consciousness and so the reframing opens things up makes things more spacious for us as we kind of turn around and look down and back in our own lives. Wow that sounds like such a rich workshop and you're able to accomplish this in two hours it's amazing and well you've done it you've done it more than a dozen times so of course when people register they're seeing the latest version of it so thank you so much for for sharing that process I will again put the link so those of you watching this look below the video or above wherever the links are and find the link to the two-hour on-demand free outline your memoir workshop and you also have a couple other resources I want to just mention that I will link in the notes of the video which is one of them is 10 impactful memoir writing prompts for healing and transformation so that's that's one link another link is 10 gentle yet effective ways to heal painful memories using writing and your body so that's really that's there as well so for those people who are thinking gosh okay yes I want to do this two-hour online workshop and if they need more after that you have the the complete course for them to do so tell us about tell us a bit about that people like how long is the full course if they wanted to take it I don't know if it's too much to talk about here but give us a quick sense of that a quick overview yeah so those three links will actually part of signing up you'll get an invitation into the self-directed version of my course which is available for sign up at any time I teach the same material two different ways one is self-directed which is 13 modules contained in a platform off of Facebook called Mighty Networks which includes the course as well as the community space and so with the self-directed version of course it's cheaper because it's less intensive for me to offer you get lifetime access to the material as well as the online community and monthly coaching calls from me which are quite informal they're just all about showing up to address whatever healing and creative writing challenges are arising for folks so that's the self-directed version and then once or twice a year I teach the same thing live so when someone signs up for the live version in addition to everything in the self-directed version and some people actually upgrade from self-directed to live we have five months of weekly calls in small class sizes so my classes are always between five and 12 people per class because it's really designed for discussion and connection and part of the healing process is actually showing up together to explore our stories through the lens of the different really cool themes in my modules and be able to be in a space that is safe and solid enough to share very openly and honestly wherever you're at so it's my favorite thing teaching the live version nice that's really great well the place of course is to start is the free two-hour practical workshop that's online so folks you know go ahead and do that and you'll you'll have a really good sense of what your outline's going to be and then whether or not you want to continue doing the work with Janelle to do it on your own so you know one of the things I guess as we close off is this process of kind of reflecting and mining the meaningful stories in our life I think it can also be used in our you know like I talked to people a lot a lot about content creation for for their business but of course when we're creating an authentic business the content ideally should be as personal as possible or as personally meaningful as possible so I can imagine that this memoir writing process also creates potential content for business it does actually one of my testimonials was from a naturopathic doctor who took my course a few years ago and one of the things she commented she was in the middle of building her practice and her website and business online and she she shared that she was so excited that she had so many ideas for blog posts and content for her business through the process of working with her life story so it's very cool to hear that's yeah not surprised so I look forward to seeing how people benefit from that and thank you so much Janelle for doing your work any any final kind of words of send-off for us as we close this um this interview oh um well I would just say everyone is interesting and everyone has a story and there are always people interested in honestly told story no matter what you might think of it yeah thank you so much Janelle thank you


When this thing does turn around, you're going to have a ton, and I mean a ton of sellers that come out the woodworks that want to list their property. Once they realize we're at the top and it's kind of leveled off. Like how else do you handle like the ups and downs and the frustrations and the disappointments? There's no other way to handle them except for to just keep moving forward. You can't go backwards. I mean backwards is quitting. So there's only one way to handle them and that's just to move forward. And here's the thing. Every single person is going to hit those moments. Every single person. So if you look at the top producer in your area, you need to look at him and think, he went through what I'm going through right now and probably even worse because think about it. Whoever the top producers right now, chances are he didn't become the top producer overnight and he didn't have a lot of the advantages that you have technology wise. I know I didn't have any of these advantages. Hell man, I don't even want to tell you what I had to go through to get where I am.   You know what I'm saying? You can compress your time and what you, your productivity can be pre-compressed into, into 10 times faster than what it took me. I get this question like, what would you tell your 20 year old self? And the answer is nothing because the way that everything played out, right, was absolutely perfect up to this point, right? Because if I wouldn't have lost everything and went through what I had to learn through that moment, then I wouldn't have appreciated it enough to build the foundation that I built after that, right? And I wouldn't be worrying now because I wouldn't appreciate success enough to not take it for granted enough to actually build a real business, right? That, see, when you build your business the way that I'm teaching you guys to build your business, it doesn't matter if a market crashes or if it explodes or it doesn't matter if people don't want to use you as an agent or if your buyer goes ghost on you.  So if I could go back, right, I really wouldn't tell myself anything, I'd be scared to tell myself anything because if I didn't go through what I went through, I don't, I don't know that I would be where I am right now or I don't know that I would be pushing as hard as I push at this point. There's so many things swirling around in my head. Next year, okay, 2022, I feel like my only responsibilities career-wise are going to be creating great content, continuing to spread my message, traveling and speaking and taking care of my family. Like I literally think that's going to be my life next year is just social media and speaking. And if you notice, I didn't say sales in there because I honestly don't think I'll be in sales. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I don't think I'll be in sales. Like I told you guys before the end of last year that my goal this year was to do 70 deals, right? So I've done 100 deals a year every year since 2014 and this year my goal is to do 70. Why? That's actually a challenge for me because I have so much business just falling in my lap from the brand that I created that to do 70, I'll literally have to turn business down. And for me to do that is the hardest thing in the world to do. But the thing is, is the reason why I want to give myself that challenge is because all my other businesses are really adding up to be like monstrous. It's like a monstrous situation. I thought my real estate business is monstrous. And by this time next, by the end of the year, those of my other businesses will like, you know, my real estate business will be literally like, well, the other businesses will overshadow my real estate business so big, so much that I'm really not going to have a choice at that point, you know? And then I'm going to have to go, okay, where's full value out here, right? Well, how can I give the world the most value? Because that's what it's going to pull down to. And the value that I bring agents through my social medias and coaching calls and speeches is really where I bring the world the most value. And so that I think that's really kind of where I'm going to land over the next 12 months. They get really excited during this great new business, skies the limit, get excited.  They see this amount of knowledge you have to learn. Then they become disappointed, right? Because they didn't sell anything in two months. So like they're excited and then boom, they crash with disappointment and frustration. It happens every time, right? Even the ones that do get a quick sell, then they have a false insecurity in the business and then they start, then they think that's how the business is done. You can get a deal that quick and then they don't get a deal for like six months, you know, and they're like, wow, you know, this, this, you know, that here's my frustration and you're going to hit those peaks and valleys of the emotional roller coaster and just realize it's completely normal, right? So just chalk up the first, first year to, if I get five, 10 deals, that's amazing because at the end of the day, a first year agent, they just look at the bottom line. They look at transactions like, okay, I did this many transactions, you know, that's my win or loss, you know, here's, here's what I made in commissions, but there's this whole other world, right? You learn how to write a contract worth a million dollars to you. You learn how to use MLS worth a million dollars to you. You learn how to talk and you added a few people to your database worth millions of dollars to you. You literally made millions of dollars that first year through the knowledge that you gain and nobody's even talking about that part of it. They're just saying offsold five properties, wow, wow. And it's like, dude, five properties is incredible, along with the millions of dollars worth of knowledge that you acquired. You know what I mean? When this thing does turn around, you're going to have a ton, and I mean a ton of sellers that come out, the woodworks that want to list their property. Once they realize we're at the top and it's kind of leveled off, you know, because that's the higher they're not selling because they're like, it's just going to keep going. Why would I sell? It's going up, you know? But once they get the idea that things are starting to level off and it's not really going up anymore, we're going to see the market get flooded with people trying to make sure that they get that highest price before it starts coming down a little bit. In regards to that with market trends and kind of the market being crazy right now, naturally you've been an agent for a while. So like you mentioned earlier, you don't really get to start off with all the fancy technology and dollars and all these systems for someone who's newer or maybe, you know, there's agents who are in the works of becoming an agent right now, studying for their tests, perhaps, what do you think is worth our time and worth actually putting money toward?  Or do you have any opinions on that? I honestly think this, man, I honestly think that, that you like, if you're a full-time agent and even a part-time agent, you can take this and kind of rearrange it around your schedule, right? But I think if you're a full-time agent, I think you should be looking at eight o'clock, answer emails, organize business, schedule your day, 8.30, figure out who we're calling from 9 to 12, we're just making calls, we're just making calls, listen guys, that is technology, that is finding phone numbers and a snap of a finger, that is hitting a button and auto-dialing numbers, just ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, like a AK-57, I didn't have this when I was coming up, you know, you're going to get some internet leads, you know, from somewhere, right? And you're going to want to incorporate those into your calling sessions from 9 to 12 or like Monday, you might do all internet leads that you picked up over the weekend. Tuesday, we're doing old expires. Wednesday, we're doing circle prospecting. Friday, we're following up. I don't know, you guys got to figure out the formula that works best for you on how you're going to structure and who you're going to call. All I can tell you is that if you spend half your time on the phone and half your time on marketing and social media and stuff like that, you will be the most dangerous agent out there, right? Because when you combine the fact that you understand that voice to voice is the common denominator, real conversation is the common denominator for all closings, when you realize that, when you realize business is unlimited forever and that you can't talk to every single person in your market, you really combine the fact that you're young and great at social media, when you combine the fact of voice to voice and digital marketing, that's when you become the most dangerous, dangerous agent out there and then when you put all that on the back of building relationships over transactions and building your database on the front end of a weekly email, it's over, it's over, it's done, it's over, your career is done, now it's just a matter of will you do that for 10 years to get to where you're doing a million dollars a year, to where you can, at that point, rely on your weekly email to continue making the million dollars a year and go build other businesses. Like I've been kind of a part-time agent because I'm spending, I'm a full-time entrepreneur, like I'm building other businesses and people can take that extra time and they can go spend more time with their family if they want to or they can do what I do, they can go build other businesses and spend more time with their family, I'm kind of doing both.


How do you get the cheapest clicks? Part one. Now, if you're running ads, I know, I know what's important. Get cheap clicks, right? You don't want to spend a lot of money. Gotta get them as cheap as possible. I'm going to show you in this video how you can get clicks for less than a penny. Matter of fact, I'll show you a way you can get them for 0.00004 cents per click and we're getting ready to start right now. Hey, I'm JR Fisher. If you're new to my channel, don't forget to subscribe. Click that button down there. See a big button? Click it. Click it now. I'll wait. Did you do it? Good. Don't forget. Now you got something else to do. Turn on notifications. There's a bell right next to that subscribe button. You got to click that bell. It'll make that noise right there. I promise. Click it. You'll see what I mean. And turn on all notifications once you click the bell. If you do that, you'll be part of the Fisher family, right? The club that gets notified, the VIP folks, they get notified when I do videos. Nothing people don't. You'll be special. Hey, don't forget also, I have a free course. I didn't even tell you about it yet. It's below. It's a $97 course. You click on that link and you can get a free e-commerce course just for clicking. It's click and learn. No credit cards required. Also, put your comments below. If you've been working on ads and you've figured out some tricks or techniques or you've got some questions, put your comments below about your ads or about ads you plan on doing and we can talk back and forth and I'm going to help you out. Now, if you don't know me, I've been online since 2009. I've sold millions of dollars of both digital and physical products. I own one of the largest survival food companies in the United States, Survival Cave Food. Check that out. You can Google it. You'll get millions of results. It's on thousands of websites. It's even at Walmart's website. So I've been doing this for a long time. And on this channel, I just want to share with you the things that have worked out for me so that you can start, run and grow your online business also. Now, keep in mind, this is actually a two-part series on how to get cheap clicks. So this is video one of two. If you look at the description, you're going to see the link to video two. So you'll want to watch that right after this video because they both go together. Look, when we run ads, obviously we want cheap clicks, don't we?  And the truth about clicks is, and I hate to break it to you, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what they cost. Now, sometimes we want to get these cheap clicks. I know when I'm running engagement campaigns to figure out what type of picture or image to put in an ad, I'll run it to, you know, the Philippines, India, Pakistan, just to get engagement, to get people to click on it. But these are never conversion ads. In other words, these aren't ads to actually sell a product. These are just ads to see which image is going to work best for me. When people are doing their ads, whether it be Facebook or Google AdWords, they get so hung up on the cost per click. And the fact is, it really doesn't matter. I know people's attitude is this, if the cost or the clicks are too expensive, forget about it, I'm not doing it. And that's the wrong attitude to have.  You don't want that to happen. But we've got to look at the metrics and we've got to figure out what cost per click actually means. Now, here's the truth. If you're making money on your ads and you're running these cost per click ads but you're still making money, why do you care what the cost per click is? I mean, sure, you want it to go down. You want it to be less so you can make more profit. But if you're making a profit, I would run more ads. I would buy more of those ads every single day if you're actually making a profit. Here's what you should really be looking at is the cost per acquisition. In other words, what does it cost you to get somebody to buy your product? What does it cost you to get somebody to opt in? What does it cost you to get somebody to sign up for your webinar? That's what you want to look at. This is the most important metric because this metric's going to let you know if you're going to be profitable or not. Most of these pay per click platforms, whether it be a Facebook or Bing or AdWords and all, they really just give you vanity type of metrics and they don't really do you any good. They don't let you know what your campaign's doing well. What they do is they emphasize the like clicks, the impressions, bids, that type of thing, but that does not tell you if you're profitable or not profitable. Now, I'm not going to tell you that these metrics don't matter because they certainly do. You know, if you run an ad and you're not getting any clicks on it and you're spending hundreds of dollars a day and getting, you know, a click or two every now and then, obviously that's a problem. However, they're not the end-all be-all. The really end-all be-all is the cost of acquisition. Now, I want to actually give you an example of this and I want to show you how this works in your overall ad campaign. Now, let's take a look at this right here. This is a keyword overview and it's got some information on here. For example, the keyword cost, on average, $33 per click. Whoa, $33 per click. That's too high. That's crazy. But based on what? It seems unbelievable to pay that much for a single click considering how many clicks it takes to get a conversion on AdWords. But when you break it down, that actually is not that expensive. Why? Because it depends on the product or service you're selling. Sure, if you're selling a $15 e-commerce product paying that much for a single click, obviously doesn't make sense. But on the flip side of the coin, if the product or service you're selling is worth $5,000, then paying $33 per click isn't going to be that huge of a portion of your overhead. If you look at overall metrics, according to WordStream, the average cost per click is $2.32. And what does that mean to you? Nothing. Doesn't mean anything. It may be super high. It may be super low. It's just an average of every single thing that's out there which really doesn't tell you anything. Okay, so let's look at this sharp here I've got in front of me. WordStream, with that average, it's relatively easy to understand what your typical cost might look like. Look at this. It's all over the place depending on if it's consumer, if it's dating, if it's e-commerce, if it's education. It's all over the place. So your first step really should be to figure out what your niche should be getting on the clicks before you decide if it's good or bad. Now, if you look at this metric here, the average click-through rate in AdWords across all industries is 1.91% of the search network. But once again, it's based on the industries. What industry are you in? What are you trying to sell? Now, this means that if you got a thousand impressions, you could reasonably expect 19 of those users to click on your ad and explore your landing page. But that's all it tells you, okay? Now you need the final piece of the puzzle and that's the conversion rate. Now, the Google industry standards for benchmarks when the average conversion rate looks something like this. Now, if you look here, you're going to see all these different conversions. You know, the highest one being 7.19% on search. And if you look down there in Google Display, I think the highest one is what? 2.19? So it's all over the place too. The average conversion rate on AdWords across all industries is 2.7% on the search network. This now obviously vary depending on your industry. For example, if you take finance and insurance, they've got a 10% conversion rate which is actually pretty good whereas e-commerce only has a 2% conversion rate. So once again, it always goes back to what your product is. Okay, so with all this data, let's dig into this and let's actually analyze this and see where you stand. Okay, so here is an Excel spreadsheet and I'm going to put some of those numbers in there. We've got cost per click at 232. We've got click through rate at 1.91% and the conversion rate at 2.7%. Now let's start by actually looking at an ad group and looking at our CPC and our CTMR and our conversion rates for that particular ad. Let's suppose in this example here that you generate 2,000 impressions. You place that number in the impressions column. Now, you multiply your impressions number which is 2,000 by your click through rate which is 1.91%. And we pop that into the calculator and that would generate 38 clicks based on that calculation. Now we place that number back on the spreadsheet just like this. Now take your average cost per click and multiply it by your clicks entering that number into the cost column. So when you're done it's going to look something like this. Now lastly it's time to calculate your total conversions. For this example I'll multiply my total clicks by the conversion rate. So what I've got is I've got the 38 times the 2.7% you can see right here and that gives me 1.026. So in this example 38 clicks would generate 1 conversion for me. Here is what my end table looks like after these calculations. The cost per click on this chart here is 2.32. Click through rate is 1.91 conversion is 2.7. We've got 2,000 impressions, 1 conversion my cost is $88.16. So now I actually know what that cost of conversion is. I've got a number, a real number, it costs me $88 to get the buyer. Now if you have an idea how much a single conversion cost your business it's time to analyze what the bottom line is. What is the average value of the service you're selling on the particular campaign. Now you've got to ask yourself is your cost of $88 per conversion now if that's the case you don't quit. What you do is you lower your bids and try to increase your conversion rate and you can do that by working on your sales page. You can do that by changing your keywords. Whatever it is but you want to change that number until it fits into your metrics. By showing you this, this is a prime example why cost per click really doesn't matter because there's so many other factors that go into this. And I know that's this video to get really cheap clicks, right? If you want to get really cheap clicks give that guy the $100 in Nigeria that says he'll send you a million clicks and you got cheap clicks, right? No, you know better. You know that's not going to work, you know that's not the way to go about it. So imagine this imagine your cost per click was $100,000 $100,000, is that high? Well, imagine this what if your sale was $100 million that click would be pretty cheap then wouldn't it? So, cost per click should not be your focus. It is and always will be a number that you're going to need to plug into your formula but ultimately you need to figure out what your customer acquisition cost is. If you figure out your customer acquisition cost, you can back into all this stuff. You can make the adjustment you want so that you get the results you need. Now, I've got your head thinking the right way and you're not trying to just get cheap clicks, right? Because you can always buy them from Nigeria whatever you want to do. Get a lot of clicks that way. What you want to do is you want to figure out the next step so you can make all of this profitable. So, we've gone through, you know, dispelling the myth of the cheap click in this particular video and this is one of two. But what I'd like to do is go into video two now and video two I'm going to show you some examples of how you can use this to your advantage how you can improve your actual cost and how you can make yourself more profitable and of course, get more conversions that's what you want to do. That's ultimately what you want to do is you want to sell more of whatever you're selling. So, I really appreciate you watching this video. If you haven't subscribed, please do so. Go below there and the subscribe button there. Hit that subscribe button. Just do it. Just do it. Get it done. You know you want to do it and turn on notifications. There's that bell that's right next to it. You're going to click it. It's going to make that noise and then you're going to turn on all notifications. That's what you want to do and then you'll be part of the family, the Fisher family, the VIP family that finds out about these videos. Oh my God, before anybody else. Isn't that awesome? You're ahead of everybody else.  Don't forget also that I've got a really cool $97 course down here. $97 course but it cost you absolutely nothing for a limited time. You just click that link down there. No credit card required and you can click and learn. So, let's move on to video two and I'm going to put a link below there. So, once you've watched this video, go down to video two, click that link down there and move on to the next video. I appreciate you watching. I'm going to see you in a couple minutes in the next video. Hey, thanks for watching my video. Don't forget to subscribe to my channel and click that little bell right there so you can be notified every time I do a new video. Also, click on one of those videos there. Keep watching on my channel.


Okay, what if a property owner signs a listing agreement with you, you go through all the motions of putting that property on the market, you pay for marketing, you pay for professional photography, and then three days later that seller calls you up and says they found their own buyer, they no longer need your services, and they want to cancel the listing agreement. I want to talk about should your broker let you out of the deal, okay? Do we want to charge a cancellation fee, do we want to fight the owner and spend the time holding their feet over the fire? Do we want to really try to maintain that relationship or not? I mean they're leaving you to go do a deal, they're cutting you out, so do you really want to continue maintaining or even trying to cultivate or nurturing that relationship? What is up everybody? This is Ricky Caruth with Remakes of Orange Beach and Zero to Diamond.com. The sole purpose of this YouTube channel is to reduce the failure rate in the real estate industry and according to 8,000 real estate agents that are in my free coaching program, I'm providing more value than any other coach out there. And all I'm doing is sharing my exact low pressure simple system that has enabled me to sell over 100 properties a year since 2014 as a single agent in South Alabama. There's a free course, action plan, live training sessions twice a month, all that could be found at Zero to Diamond.com. So let's dive into today's topic. So in the Facebook group, the Zero to Diamond Facebook group, there was a post about this and there was a lot of comments and it seems like there's a lot of division on how people really feel about this situation. Should you let the owner out of the contract? Should you hold their feet over the fire? Let me read you this post. This is from Chris Hubbell. I just had a listing ask me to take their listing off the market because they found a buyer no longer need my services. I was just thinking, let it go. It's time to get back for future deals, thoughts and exclusive right to sell was signed. And as you can see, there was 148 comments. So before I dive into exactly how I handle these situations, I wanted to clarify what Chris said there. He said something about letting it go so you can get back to future deals. This is part of the Zero to Diamond philosophy and how it really built my business and I wish somebody would have taught me this a long, long, long time ago. It took me a really long time to realize this and to really, really understand this concept and to start executing it and it's been huge for me. Losing deals are going to happen. There's no way around it. So what you can do is, is you can sit around and talk about it or you can figure out the positives and the actual opportunities that lies within losing a deal. When you lose a deal, a couple of things happen that's very positive. The first thing is that you learn something. You figure out what you learn, but the second and most important part of losing a deal is the future time that you get back that you don't have to spend on that deal anymore. So many people are missing this part of it and they're spending that future time sulking about losing the deal when in fact they could take the new knowledge that they learned from losing the deal and the future time that they got back from losing the deal and go get or initiate five more deals. You can take that time and go initiate five more deals in the same timeframe that would have taken you to close that deal. I think a big part of success is learning how to be most efficient with your time and compounding your efforts. So that's just another little rickieism I wanted to throw in there. But getting back on the subject at hand, I want to talk about should your broker let you out of the deal? Do we want to charge a cancellation fee? Do we want to fight the owner and spend the time holding their feet over the fire? Do we want to really try to maintain that relationship or not?  So do you really want to continue maintaining or even trying to cultivate or nurturing that relationship? So I want to cover all these key points and more. I'll tell you right now exactly how I handle all these situations and I always have handled all these situations. But if I was an agent like you, I would go ahead and click that like button for me. Okay, just to throw it out there on the table and go ahead and let you know exactly what I do, I tell owners whenever we're signing the listing agreement or I'm trying to get them to sign the listing agreement or whatever the case may be, I tell them straight up that they can cancel this listing agreement at any time for any reason. Okay, and that's exactly what I mean and I'll stand behind it. Some owners want that in the agreement and I will write it exactly the way I just said it. This owner can cancel this agreement at any time for any reason. Some of them just trust me, okay? They know that I'm going to stand good for my word because I do and always have, so my reputation is everything to me. So if I tell somebody I'm going to do something, I do it. I think that's another big key to success is doing exactly what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it every single time. When you do what you say you're going to do, people trust you. People want to do business with you and they know they can depend on you. Now why do I do this? Why would I let sellers out of a listing agreement? I'm paying for pictures. I'm paying for marketing. I'm putting forth effort. I'm doing all these things. I'm risking a lot just to let them walk away from the contract? Yes, why? Because I want them to feel completely in control. I want them to know 100 million percent that I'm there for them. And I want to help them with whatever the case may be that they want to do, okay? See, here's something about it that you guys might not be thinking about. And that's if, what if it's an emotional situation? What if they get in and two weeks later, they get very emotional and they realize this is too sentimental of a piece of property. We just decided we don't want to sell it. Or we really just want to leave this to our kids. We've thought about it. Or maybe just the pressures of selling. Maybe there's just too much stress with showings. And what if we get an offer? What's gonna happen and all the anxiety that goes behind that? You never know what mental state people are in and how putting a property in the market is going to affect them. So that's one scenario. And then there's the other scenario where they found the buyer and they just want to cut you out of the deal, okay? Let's talk about that scenario for a second. Let's say the seller calls me a week in or two weeks in or two months in. And says, I found the buyer and I'm just gonna handle this deal on my own, okay? My first reaction is, okay, great. You found a buyer, that's awesome, okay? Here's your options, Mr. Seller. You can either just cut me out. You can go do it on your own if that's what you want to do or you can go ahead and let me handle the paperwork, the title, the inspection, the financing, all the different things that are involved in the transaction. And I can just lower my commission and I can do a very discounted commission. And I can handle the deal for you, okay?  It can keep you in the situation where you can help everybody, accomplish what they're trying to accomplish, and still get paid. And keep in mind, out of all the listings that I've gotten, let's just say I've gotten 2,000 listings in my career, I've only had a couple that this has happened to. And to be honest, I believe those two actually did let me handle the deal for a discounted commission. I think I may have had maybe one that actually completely backed out and decided they wanted to sell it on their own. Now, have I had a lot of people just say they didn't want to sell? All of a sudden, yeah, I've had lots of those. Let's just say maybe 10 to 15 of those. Still, a very, very small percentage of the listings that I've gotten over my career and here's the big kicker right here. When you handle that situation professionally and you make it easy for them to get out and you don't act a fool about it, they have this really high sense of comfort with you, right? When you go through something like that and they're probably thinking, they may be a little bit stressed out and scared to tell you that they want to back out of this thing and then you handle it so nonchalantly and so easy to work with, they really feel comfortable with you. And A, it might make it easier for them to make the decision to let you handle the deal at a discounted rate or on the flip side, they're going to come back to you later, okay? They're going to come back to you later and they're going to refer people to you because of how easy and good you were to work with even through a hard situation. But Ricky, why would you even try to maintain a relationship that's really not even there, okay? They're breaking a contract with you to go somewhere else. They're cutting you out of the deal. Why are you even trying to maintain a relationship? I'll tell you why. Even in those situations, when you hand yourself professionally, there is a small chance, okay? A greater and greater chance, depending on the situation, that there is more future business to be had within that relationship. Referrals, repeat business, referrals over referrals, there's a lot going on there. But when you try to hold their feet over the fire, when you try to make it hard for them, when you try to go after them and really just point blank, just make things hard, there is zero chance that they're going to do anything with you in the future. And on top of that, what are they going to do? You're going to get a lot of bad publicity out of this. You're going to get some bad reviews. People around town are going to hear that you were just trying to get the money, okay? And what is that going to do for your reputation? Nothing good. Every situation that you encounter, you want to make things easy. You want to make things professional. You want to handle it in a way that people are attracted to work with you in the future, okay? Regardless if you think this is somebody you even want to work with, why would you even want to work with somebody who backs out of a contract with you and so on and so forth? I've never, there's a lot of people who say, oh, I fire clients. I've never fired a client. There's a lot of clients that I've had that are really difficult to work with, really difficult, but I've never fired them, okay? Because my sole mission is just to help people, okay? And I've never fired a client. I want to be easy to work with. I want to be fun to work with.  I just do my best. But Ricky, what about the broker? Isn't it his decision to let that client out of the contract or to drop or release that listing agreement? I'll tell you right now that if my broker doesn't allow me to run my business the way that I think my business should be run that will enable me to help people, that will enable me to build a future for my family and so on and so forth, I will leave that brokerage so fast that it'll make their head spin. I'm gonna be with a broker that understands the way that I'm trying to build my business, which is relationships over transactions. Do I charge cancellation fees? I've never charged cancellation fees. I've never put it on the contract to charge cancellation fees. I absolutely do not want to charge my clients any kind of fees extra above and beyond what they already have to pay, okay? Commissions are already really high when you think about it, okay? And yes, we get paid for what we do. We are worth that commission, no doubt. But the amount of commissions is such a rate. Why would I try to throw anything else on top of that? And if somebody wants to back out of a contract because they were emotionally attached to the property besides it's too stressful, why would I charge them something for that? Sure, I have costs involved, okay? But I gotta understand that's a risk upfront, okay? And at the end of the day, if I let them out of the contract, I have to chalk that risk that I put up for the pictures and the marketing and the efforts. I have to say to myself, okay, I invested that into my business, okay? I invested that time, energy and money into this relationship.  Do you really want that kind of reputation around town or do you want a reputation of sign up for Ricky because he'll let you out of it at any moment, okay? Sign up with Ricky, sign up with Ricky. He's super easy to deal with. He will help you. That's the kind of reputation I want. So you have to make a decision and all these little things add up to be something big over time. Sure, Ricky, I mean, when you're making a million dollars a year, you can let listings go and it won't really affect you. I really resent that Facebook comment that was under the feed and I replied to it. And what I said was basically that, listen, man, this is my mindset from day one. This is how I've been from the very beginning when I didn't even have a listing, okay? And this is why I'm where I'm at because of this mindset. And to take it further, I'm not way above you, okay? We're on the same playing field. I start over at zero every single day and tomorrow is January 1st, 2019 and we all start the year over at zero. I am just as hungry as everybody else, okay? I may be way ahead of a lot of you but there's a lot of you probably that are watching that are way ahead of me and I'm telling you right now I'm coming for you. I'm trying to catch up and what I'm doing is is I'm out working you and every time you're on vacation or every time you're watching a Netflix or every time you're doing something besides working, that's when I'm closing the gap. So please don't come at me like because I make a million a year that that's why I think the way that I do. No, that is why I am where I'm at. As far as chasing some of these sellers for this commission that you think you're owed, okay? That is a complete waste of time. You're gonna put all your time and energy, okay? We talked about losing deal, taking that time that the future time that you got back from losing the deal and using it positively to find five more deals, okay? But what you're doing in this situation is you're not only taking that future time that you got back, you're taking even more time than that to go after this deal to try to get this commission and what does it do? You're chasing this negative situation. You're taking so much time away from more business that you could go out there and get. Let me tell you right now, business is 100 million percent unlimited for each and every agent forever, okay? Regardless of market ups and downs. Business is 100% unlimited. It's just up to you to get out there to find your source of prospects and call them every single day as many of them as you can, asking them what in the world you can do to help them. Do not spend your time chasing negative situations. It's gonna do nothing good for your business. It's gonna bring you bad publicity. It's gonna take time away from other people that you could be helping and it's gonna put you in a negative state of mind. Do not do this, okay? If someone decides that they don't wanna sell the property more, be professional and let it go. I know a lot of us are divided about this subject and how we should handle these situations. Please comment below and let me know how you feel about it. If you made it this far and you haven't clicked subscribe, please do so.  So reach out if there's anything in the world I can do for you. Until next time, we'll talk to you soon.


Buildwaif resilience in mind, understanding of the impact climate change is having on vulnerable countries like St. Lucia, was a sentiment of UK minister and COP26 champion for the UK, Honourable Anne-Marie Trevland, who visited the island to get a first-hand view of some of the climate adaptation projects in St. Lucia funded by the UK government. Glenn Simon reports. Minister of State for Business, Energy and Clean Growth from the United Kingdom and Marie Trevelyan visited St. Lucia to witness first-hand some of the adaptation projects funded by the UK government. One of the key projects she visited was the Millennium Highway and West Coast Road Rehabilitation Project. I'm really looking forward to seeing for myself exactly where this road will go and to understand just how important it's going to be for so many of St. Lucia's residents but also of course for tourists as they come to visit your wonderful island. Minister Trevelyan is also the adaptation and resilience champion for COP26, hosted in the UK this year. She noted that vulnerable countries like St. Lucia face challenges due to big climatic changes such as flooding, which washes away roads. She stressed the importance of building new structures with resilience in mind, understanding the impacts of climate change. We are doing the same in the UK. We are building roads that have to be more resilient to our weather shocks and that's part of what we want to be doing as we make sure that the funds that we spend to help infrastructure for those countries that need it too is doing exactly the same thing so that St. Lucia citizens have the opportunity to benefit from solid infrastructure which means that economic growth can continue and we can see St. Lucia go from strength to strength. The minister and her team received an overview of the Millennium Highway project which outlined areas such as project scope, requirements, funding, risks, and project timeline. Covenant Secretary and Minister of Infrastructure Iva Daniel, who accompanied the minister on the tour, said this is a project that all St. Lucia should be excited about due to the road safety, sustainability and resilience considerations featured in the design of the project. This project, the design wasn't I could say not the typical design. It's one where in there was the issue of the climate vulnerability assessment that had to be conducted prior to and that had to inform the design that the consultant had to put together. The consultant also had to take into consideration the outcome of an IRAP study which is a road safety study and there are also other issues of gender related matters that have to be taken on board. We need to have taken on board the matters with the project affected persons. We need to ensure that those vendors that will be displaced, that there is a new location for them or there is some manner in which that would satisfy them that they can continue to survive in this country. He said the overall project has been divided into three lots. Lot 1 has been awarded and is due to commence in September 2021. Lot 2 and 3 are being rescoped for rebidding. Nicholas Johnny is the project coordinator for the Millennium Highway and West Coast Road Rehabilitation Project. This represents a major infrastructural project of existing roads, approximately 40.2 kilometers of road. It commences in castries at the Burnon Roundabout and it ends in Soufret at the Soufret Bridge though. 6.1 kilometers from castries to Curley Sack. You have 11 kilometers from Curley Sack to Ansleray, inclusive of the reconstruction of the Ansleray Bridge, which will see the demolition of the existing bridge behind us and the reconstruction of a new bridge, Tulane Bridge and then you have the final segment which will be from Ansleray all the way down to Soufret. Along the tour we spoke to two individuals from Marigou and Ansleray respectively who will be directly impacted by the project. They expressed their satisfaction with the level of consultation and arrangements made to facilitate them during and post project execution. It will be better for me in the long run because I'm not really safe where I am because I'm on the roadside sometimes I move further away from the road. The project is estimated at US $54 million, comprising UK safe funding of 69% per cent, a CDB loan of 15% and 17% is funded by the government of Saint Lucia. When completed, the project will improve the overall road network, improve infrastructural resilience and connectivity which is projected to foster greater economic activity for Saint Lucia. For the National Competitiveness and Productivity Council, Glenn Simon reporting.


Rydyn ni'n gweld – ydych chi yn ymgyrchu'r ysgriffa ar hynny o'r ddydd – ydych chi'n gael ymddangos, y mae'n dwi'n gweld wrth iddo ddech chi yn gwneudconnecturau gwneud yn y pethol, o hynny eich mwy o'r cyflwyno, oherwydd mae'n du i ddechrau a'u drwy awr i'ch meddwl dda'r hynny, ac yn ymgyrch yn ymgyrchu ymddangos lle i ddweud, ac mwy o'r cwfn있는nol y dyparol! I would get more phone calls and more referrals and more people wanting therapy over the winter months. Steve's North Active Disorder. Yeah. We demystify what goes on behind the therapy room door. Join us on this voyage of discovery and co-creative conversations. This is The Therapy Show, behind closed doors podcast with Bob Cook and Jackie Jones. Welcome back to episode 80 of The Therapy Show, behind closed doors with myself Jackie Jones and the formidable Mr Bob Cook, a wealth of knowledge. And in this episode we're going to be talking about dealing with suicidal issues in the therapy room. And an important podcast and I would think, well I'm a son, that if you took a comparison and a bunch of psychotherapists, Manchester colleagues, I would think every one of them, every one of them has had training in this subject area, hope anyway. And if they're working clinically, would have encountered people talking about what I call suicidal ideation or even talking about action again. And some therapists, I think it's becoming higher in number, are waking up and finding out that clients have killed themselves or attempted to or carried out some of their thoughts. So it's moved from suicidal ideation to the action of those suicidal thoughts. Now in my professional career I certainly occurred many many many times, of course talking about suicidal ideation and once the client actually killed themselves and that was a hugely pivotal time in my professional career for many different reasons. But that's that level and nearly all therapists will work with and will identify with, you know, talking with clients about their suicidal ideation and be hugely impacted and often take to supervision their fears and anxieties, because that person will action it. I mean you must have been in this world. It was one of my biggest fears, you know, training and when I first started practicing on my own, yeah, definitely. And since you've gone through that and you've been a therapist for a long time, you must have worked with therapists for suicidal ideation and thoughts, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, the conversation comes up more than I care to mention in the therapy room, yeah. I was doing, as I said I don't work clinically anymore, I do the assessments and I had three or four assessments today in fact and one of them was talking about I'd come in and I'll pass on to another therapist, that's what the assessment's about.  And one of her major problems, if not the major problems, was dealing with the fear of anticipatory loss. In other words, if so loss everywhere around her.  And as I said, and I think I said in previous podcasts, the suicidal rate specifically in men, young men, is higher than it's ever been. Yeah, shockingly so, yeah. And for everybody listening, I'm sure they can identify with working people's suicidal issues and the impact of that and how they do and I've just heard from you, there's one of your fears. Yeah. How did you get through that? Or if you have.  But I think experience is, is quite good. Do you know what I mean? As a newly qualified psychotherapist, it's frightened the life out on me. It's not so much a taboo topic, if that makes sense. I think the more often it comes up in therapy and it's talked about, the less anxious I got about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It certainly was with me. And one of the things that I learned very quickly, the people likely to act out their suicidal thoughts are not the people who talk about their suicidal thoughts. Now that might be a rare exception to that, but in general. There's always an exception to every rule, but I agree. Yeah, in general, people who talk about their suicidal thoughts rarely act out because they've been in the space, the containment, an opportunity to share their fears, to talk about where that's come from. They started to understand where that's come from, and therefore developed the more resilience and TA terms adult to be able to make sure that it stays in the well as their fantasies. Yeah. So it's the people who never talk about it.   I know, you know, in my training, we did a lot of work around escape hatches. And, you know, what that means for somebody. So it is something that I bring up in conversation in the therapy room. I think it's a really important what you've just said, and I was going to say that you beat me to it, which is about people listening to this. Please make sure you talk about it to the best supervisor or whatever. Yeah. And at the same time, it's really important to talk about this subject because of the, the, you know, increasingly, I find clients want to talk about their fantasies and often they're dark. Yeah. By talking about the dark thoughts, of course, they're allowing light in. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And I think I do agree with you, you know, that it's the ones that don't express the feelings in the therapy room, you know, and not wanting to talk about it. I completely agree, you know, with the young men and everything, and I think that's kind of been drummed into men to not talk about their mental health that much so they don't feel able to, you know, without stereotyping the military. And, you know, I know that you were in the forces. My son was in the forces. You know, if they spoke about it, it was frowned upon, you know, not that long ago, really. Oh, absolutely. You're absolutely right. We have a culture, especially with men, of being strong. Yeah. And not expressing emotions. And in the forces, that's drummed even more like boarding school. Yes. Yeah. I was in the forces, particularly, you know, as well. I was in the forces, I say, from the age of 18 to 20, two years before I got out. And yes, I mean, so I experienced that culture you're talking about. Yeah. It wasn't one of the most, you know, more unhappy parts of my life, but I understood, you know, other things from my history which took me there. But in terms of this podcast, yeah, absolutely people couldn't talk about emotions that culture didn't allow them to. Yeah. And then the other side of that, you know, touching on the previous podcast is that women are hysterical and talk about the problems all the time. So there's very much a division and a stereotypical way of looking at males and females. Without. Without. And I was just thinking recently, I know, publicly to really big. Gary Speed was one of them. He was a footballer when he was the Welsh manager. And also another well-known figure recently committed suicide. And what is a striking factor is that people were porting back on the suicide to a to 100% said, well, I would never have thought of that. I would never have thought he and there was no, they never talked about it. Yeah, no inclination, no clues. Never know. I was thinking, you know, about the one client who did action, the suicide for my frame and for my clinical practice. I went to the funeral and the biggest theme was huge amount of people there. But the biggest thing when people come up and talk to me was from all the different factions of her friend was, well, I would never thought this about her. She was mentioning, she was always larger. All of the party and everything, yeah. I had many different factions and that was the common theme.  Find a way. But they won't talk about it. That's the sad part. Yeah. So, any therapists are on this extreme. You know, I went through a stage of blaming myself for a while, until I realised, until I eventually integratively integrated it all. Some of this was my thought, but then I realised eventually that, A, they're very secret about it. And B, they will find a way to kill themselves, but it took a long, long, long, long time to get to that position. That's that side of it.  And it's those people that are not likely to move over to action, because you've given them a space to actually go to the dark side and, you know, there's some lighting. And it's from that place that therapists, that I always felt very privileged to be able to, hopefully in my small way, allow the space for them to, to talk about those fears and anxieties and re-listen to valued, as seen as an important person listening to their darkest fears, which meant they were never likely to actually do that. And I think overcoming the fear as a therapist is one of the things that we do personally need to work on. It's kind of like that age old thing that if I bring it up or I talk about it, I'm reminding them of it and I'm kind of giving them the idea that they might want to do that sort of thing, which is completely backwards because, like you said, it's freeing up the space to be able to talk about it. I'm sure we've all at some point wanted an experience to end. You know, I suffered from postnatal depression with all of my three kids and it got worse and, you know, I used to have these horrible thoughts about my children dying.  Just because we're having a thought doesn't mean that we're going to action it. A lot of time we don't have control over the thoughts that pop in our head. I think that's a really important point, what you just said there, just because we have these intrusive thoughts doesn't mean that we'll act them out. Yeah, but to be able to explore them and to talk, you know, without fear of judgement or anything for me is fantastic. Yeah, it's one of the most important parts of my therapeutic life that have allowed people to have that space to be able to do that and be able to facilitate that. And as I talked to you, I'm thinking, gosh, I reflect on that in a very proud way that I have been able to facilitate that for people to talk to those dark peers of those lives and find some light and be able to have some understanding. So there's a different context for them. Yeah. And I think what one of the things that I have done with certain clients is to to draw up a weekly contract with them, not literally draw up a weekly, but to have a verbal contract with them.  If I think, you know that they are self harming outside in the therapy room that we will do a verbal contract that between each session and literally every session we will we contract. Which for me again is an opening to have that conversation with somebody. Because self harm comes in lots of different forms. You know, whether that's alcohol or, you know, hurting themselves or under the one different ways taking risks. Absolutely. Absolutely indeed. Yeah. I mean, if I can help people explore things you're just talking about there, I've done a pretty good job. Yeah. Now, for a lot of therapists in my hits on things from their own history, therefore they need to go to therapy to process that so they are able to stay with the person from adult. Yeah. Because we will talk about really fundamentally deep things here because you started off. I think the podcast was something I really agree with is for many, many people. It's like it might be turned like an escape plan. Things very, very, very, very wrong. At least I can kill myself. Of course, you know, a lot of people I'm sure perhaps think that way. Part of the therapist's duty, I believe, is to help the person to share those fantasies so they never become reality. Yeah. Without fear of being judged or ridiculed. Yeah. I think we... Without anything in a way, it's about normalising that to a certain extent. But again, because we don't talk about it a lot. We don't know what is normal if there is such a thing and what isn't. Yeah. I can safely say, I don't know what normal is after all these years. But we all use the word. I don't know if I do use the word much, but I do know what you mean. I do think any therapist listening to this will have dealt with people talking about their dark times and their fantasies, suicide or ideation. There's nothing to be frightened of that by the therapist. In fact, you'll be doing a wonderful job to provide those contexts and containment. You can always take this to your own therapist if it hits on real difficult times for you. Yeah. I think it's really apt that we're talking about this on the run up to Christmas as well. Because it is quite an intense period of time where if over the last year your life has changed and you're looking towards Christmas thinking you're going to be on your own and lonely. And what's the point? And then it's new year and everybody else is celebrating and everything. You know, I don't know again what the statistics are, but this time of year, because the days are going darker and the nights are longer, it does impact on us. Well, I do know the statistics. So you're going to have a choice of two days here as an answer, but I'm going to give you the chance. So which day do you think, statistically I'll talk about, is the day where there's most attempted suicides? There's something about Blue Monday, isn't there? Which is what? New Year's Eve. Is it? Yeah, I can believe it. You go into A&E on New Year's Eve. Yeah. There'll be lots of things happening. It'll be Mayhem. Yes. There'll be many, many, many people attempting to deal with drug opieces, alcohol poisoning and attempted suicides. Yeah. It's too much. And all this way, as psychotherapists, you know, that's when we take a break around the festive periods. Serious. You know, we might not see claims between Christmas and New Year, which again, you know, for some, that we're not having that connection and that regularity impacts on them. Well, that's a completely other story. And of course, very true. Yeah. Most therapists I know take a break. Yeah. I can see their own families, their own parents, their special ones. And often you are absolutely right. Don't when they're therapy groups or they don't, they stop their clinical practices for two weeks. And it's a time when often people may feel unsupported. And I think what you're talking about here, which is holidays, buys into this in a big way.  And then as the nights start to get longer, I would get more phone calls and more referrals and more people wanting therapy over the winter months. Seasonal effective disorder. Yeah. Yeah, seriously. Yeah. With SAD. And a lot of people will report how, you know, it's a continuum of seasonal effective disorder from, you know, I don't remember the actual terms, but highly affected to traits, if you like. And I think it's a very real thing that people get affected, affected by, you know, the movement from summer into autumn to the winter months. And the lead up to Christmas and Christmas and New Year is the time where often people's suicide radiations, their darkest times come to the forefront. Yeah. Because it's a very reflective time somehow.  We do tend to do that around the festive period. Yeah, it's a, it's a, I was talking about what you said about therapists taking holidays in those two weeks. And those for another podcast, but, you know, holidays really impact clients. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, for our own self care, we do need to take a break at certain times of the year and we're entitled to have a break, but it's managing that. Yeah. That's the bit, I think. It's how you manage the holiday. Yeah. Because otherwise we're in the process. We're solely responsible for people, keeping people alive or we're solely responsible for their mental health or we're solely responsible. And when you get that sort of Father Christmas phenomena, we are in the land of unreality, I think. And that's not healthy. One of the things I often talk about, not necessarily with clients, is that I can only be responsible for myself. Do you know what I mean? We can't be responsible for our clients. It doesn't work that way. No, it never should do that. I'm not somebody who believes in infantilisation. I believe in autonomy. And helping people be resilient to be able to deal with loss or deal with the times you're talking about. It's an interesting topic. And like you said, that in a therapist's working life, they will come across this at some point. Always. And in fact, if they didn't, there's something wrong. Yeah. They're not going deep enough in therapy. Just touching the surface. Of course, it's a really important point because therapists who've had loss in their history or death in their history, which is really impeccable, which hasn't been resolved or looked at or healed or whatever way you want to do it, may unconsciously defend themselves against talking about these pivotal areas we're talking about here. And therefore, it's a different type of therapy. I'm sure I avoided it for quite a while when I was newly qualified. Yeah. It wasn't a topic that I felt comfortable or equipped to talk about. You know, for many months, I would have thought, yeah. That was a good thing. And I preach this to everybody that I loved about my training was that I was seeing clients while still under the Institute. For me was a big thing, that handholding and that support in the first two years of seeing clients to me was invaluable. Yeah. No, I understand that. Okay. And I think the next video is on holidays, isn't it? I think following on from this one. Yeah. How to deal with holidays. No. Yeah, because I know we touched on this podcast. But thank you and the listeners of this podcast, allowing us to talk about such a sensitive subject. And if it has triggered anything, I'll please talk to someone. Yeah. Or take it to supervision or both. Yeah. So the next one is called what's next? The next one is how to deal with holidays. Oh, number 81. Yeah. On the run up to Christmas. On the run up to Christmas. Absolutely. I said to you earlier. I hope you're shopping ready for it, Bob, and you've greeted the nearest and dearest in your life. Oh my gosh. The thought a bit already because I've got a reconstructed family and there's so many, so many people coming round. It is a lead up to Christmas. That's a good way to phrase it. Until next time, Bob. Thank you. Yeah. Take care. Take care. Bye. You've been listening to the therapy show behind closed doors podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. We'll be back next week with another episode.


Oh! I missed! Oh! I got him looking goofy! I missed. I missed. How's it going everybody? Dahtonoi here and yes, I am finally doing it. I've done it before, but we all know if you've been around the channel for long enough, there's one character in this game that I avoid playing like if I play in my entire account will be deleted and that is Frieza. Now there's two reasons I don't often play Frieza. Number one is the easiest to answer. It's just I don't really like him in the game all too much. I don't think he's that cool. I do really like the concept of golden Frieza and I actually do really like watching good Frieza players play him, but I am good Frieza player. I am not. Like what do I do there? I don't know. And also too and this is just gonna be a childish one. When I watched Dragon Ball, obviously it was when I was young and while yes this is the point of a villain, when I was a kid, I was just like man, Frieza is so mean.  So a part of me to this day, also we got Goku GT out, a part of me to this day still sees Frieza and just goes I hate this guy. Obviously that just means he's a good villain, but you know I still just hate the guy. I can't help it dude. Look at it Frieza's just like bro, I know what you did to Krillin bro. I know what you did to Krillin. Let's not even talk about it. No spoilers for the people that haven't seen Dragon Ball. There's like one guy out there that's like thanks man. There's one guy out there that's like I'm actually watching Dragon Ball Z right now. I appreciate that. No spoilers. I appreciate that. And you know what? No problem dude. I love it. I love it. Oh he read me like a book. Why would he think I would spark to say Frieza? Are you kidding me? He thought I would spark to say Frieza? He's right, but I actually am upset that he's right. I only did it because it's the video and I didn't want Frieza to go out like that was sick. That was sick. I will admit I could I could admire a nice yam to dive kick when I see one. And that was a nice yam to dive kick. I can appreciate it. I can appreciate it. I might get the Keyblast extension. I did not expect a Vedino. Oh no I can't speak. Reflect? Oh it wasn't a reflect, but still okay. I'm switching back into Frieza.  Alright but you know what? Honestly it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. And Frieza didn't even do too much. Oh my god I heard two Yamcha scream. I got scared. Oh if that was if this wasn't the post nerf Yamcha that would have been the cleanest escape of my life. I should have just gone for the light. Oh double mash actually worked out. Nice landing. Damn. I can appreciate it. I appreciate a good Yamcha. You're snapping me out? Really? I think that's interesting. I think usually people want Yamcha in. Alright but we'll take it. That's probably Yamcha dead. Knowing Krillin's post vanish combos. Wait. Wait he's surviving. He's surviving. He did it. I'm gonna throw a lock. Oh man I'm sorry but I had to do it you know. I said I was gonna throw the rock so I got to throw the rock. Oh sit down and try to read me. Another rock.  I get these kind of comments a lot. It's like oh man that guy just teabagged you there or why did you teabag this player there. And just to be clear there are inputs in the game that require you to hit down down and then a button. And if you're not doing it fast enough or behind other buttons it looks like you're doing a teabag but I was just getting ready to throw a rock. So no disrespect there. I just I wanted to throw a rock. Oh man. That was only game one. I feel like I've played a full marathon session. Dude my freeze is gonna be sick. Watch this. I'm in a zone. I'm gonna get golden freeze. This is gonna be sick. Watch this. I always do that like I'm in the corner. I can get the death ball. Wait maybe I can get death ball anyway. No no no. When I'm not in the corner I can't do that. But now now that I'm in the corner I'm still bad at the game dude. I'm just bad with Frieza. I haven't even been able to zone against this guy really. I sparked for Frieza again. I am I'm a treasure. I'm a national treasure.  They got to lock me up and throw away the key because I have a national treasure dude. Please I'm getting cooked. Gold oh oh I got him looking goofy. He tried to drag it was golden Frieza. You can't do that. Come here. You can't watch this double death.  I did my best Mario Kart game impersonation. I still couldn't pull it off. All right. Well that is unfortunate. You might. I did not expect to get blitz 2S. Oh 2S is so good. He could attack but I'll take it. I mean blue combo still has the word combo in it baby. Let's go. Let's lock it up. Well we did golden Frieza that time so I can't be upset but I am a little upset. Oh let's go Krillin throwing his limbs around. Usually you don't win those against Vegeta especially when you're playing as Krillin but I will take that. Oh that was sick. That was sick. I'm upset. And this game is actually really close. Oh and he switched Vegeta out and I have to get the mix. Loki kind of sweating. I think he goes dragon rush here. He went cross up and I reacted so super slow. I just my brain register he didn't hit me right away so I was like it's dragon rush but he was already in the air. I don't know what I was afraid of. Oh the hit stun man. Vegeta assist is good. Vegeta assist is so good. Oh he just let me go up in the air. Nice. Just punch him. I'll take it. I am going to level one. I'm going to do what he did but I'm going to end it on a sliding here. Just gives you a better setup to follow up on.  Oh why why why am I like this? Why am I like this? Oh but I'm living though. Drop kick. Wolf bang. Wow that was risky.  I'm just going to spear bomb and hope this works. The nice tag. It was a nice tag. It was a nice tag. Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. See you later then. I'll see you on the flip side then. Oh man. That was not it dude. That's destructive finish. We got to we just out. We have to leave after that. Not not the game. Just I mean we got to leave the planet.  All right. We need a better performance from Frieza. We need a better performance for Frieza. Facts are facts. I'm going to have to step it up. That was a good fight. No he has a golden Frieza stamp. He saw me coming a mile away dude. No. Oh no. No wonder he read the spark dude. He knew he was sent here from the future to stop me. I was actually this was actually the session where I was going to fall in love with DBFZ Frieza and he was sent back from the future to stop me. Damn that's crazy. I'm not going to let him do it though. I'm not going to let him get away with it. I'm not sparking either. I'm just going to switch. I'm going to switch. You're not stopping Frieza. I'm going to get three bars. I'm going to go gold and I'm just going to do what I have to do. He angled the beam.  Did not expect to win that. I ran into a neutral to H. That was an eye opening experience. Whoa. Whoa. Why we level three. Yeah. I'll spark for this. I is what I wanted him to think. I thought he would back dash. We should still be maybe alive here. I'm going to be honest. I don't know how long this combo going to go on. All right. Let's go. I want him back in the corner. Nothing fancy. Nothing fancy. Just cook me up the cook me up the normalist. I'll take it.  We held the vanished. Oh my God.  Vegeta might be Frieza's worth matchup. I literally know nothing about Frieza. But I just I just want to stand back and throw Key Blast. But Vigito can hop over them and throw more Key Blast on me. Obviously there's a lot of characters that have options against Key Blast in this game. But Vigito be hopping. I am dead. I am dead. Oh Frieza. Just when I said I needed a better performance out of my Frieza. I can't believe the character I was playing bad with died. They have. Oh my God. I've been dropped too many times. I'll take a beam. We can still win this. I'm not giving up on the I'm not giving up on the game. Hell no. Frieza wouldn't want that for me. Frieza would want me to win this. Frieza would want this for me. Frieza somewhere out there getting repaired. He's getting robot parts put in and I'm going to do it for him. Oh no. I'm sorry Frieza. No. It's going to be up to Yamcha now. Damn I got slammed into the ground. All right. It's up to Yamcha.  That's literally the end of the game. Of course it's way easier in words. You can say it in words super easy easily. Action is another thing. Oh not another final comment now. All right. Does he get a button while he's falling here? Does he have to wait? He's a wait. I'm out of there. We out of there. We don't even play that game. I just jumped. I just jumped with a button. I got super predictable. Damn. Damn. Okay. We're going to get a better performance at a freeze in this next set. Even if I have to force him dude. I am going to zone great games. He had the gold that Frieza he was sent back from the future dude. We didn't stand a chance. Great games. All right. We are back. I don't know if this is a rematch or not. This team is extremely familiar but I'm not going to lie. It's been like 10 minutes. I wonder if I just ran into the same guy 10 minutes later. But you know what? It's time. I guess I'll know when he sends the stamp. I remember he sent the gold and Frieza stamp. Frieza actually doing work this time. I'll take it. I could have killed him. I'm going to go for a 6M. All right. Good. Good enough for me. I will take a KO with Frieza out front. I'm feeling good about that. All right. Now I kind of want to zone but it is. It is. It is Vigito. It is Vigito. So it's going to be a little bit. Oh no. We got to go in now. Damn it. Frieza wasn't even looking the right way. That worked out pretty well. Get away from me. He blasts. He blasts. He blasts. He blasts. He blasts. I was excited that it was working. Oh what if I kicked him into it? That would have been sick. Off of Frieza. Hold on. Did something click in the 10 minutes I was gone. Wait. Wait. Wait. Don't miss. Don't miss. Oh my goodness. That was way too close. I'm just I'm just blowing up everything. Dude, look at this. Supernova. Dude, I hit that on trunks. That is anime accurate.  All right. We're in the corner again. What a hop. Oh my God. This man just hit me with the KOF special. Oh my goodness. Short hop. That was kind of hot. I can't believe I fell into a dragon rush. I was looking forward to golden Frieza. Golden Frieza was going to put it away, but you know what? All I asked for was a better performance at a Frieza and that was more than good enough. That was more than good enough. Also loving the holiday colors. This man, this man knows the season of giving. Hold on. Let me give a level three real quick. He might go for the sparking. In which case I'm going to do it. Damn. Could have been sick. Oh, nice. I got lucky. Oh, yonches, two Hs, two parts. This definitely feels like a rematch unless he's just throwing out yoncha. He's trying to try to short hop me again. Nice. That was good patience. Great patience. It's not panicking in the clutch. Could not be me. Could not be me. Two S. I can't believe I didn't link that. Hey, I'll take a guard cancel there. I don't want to super dash. I feel like it's a little too obvious, but now I will. But now I will write when I say it's too obvious. That's when it becomes less obvious. Yoncha step up to the plate. Spirit ball. We're going to take game one in a big statement win. And by that, I just being Frieza did something. Smile at the camera. Frieza is going to get on one of these windscreen. This next windscreen, it's all Frieza, baby. It's all Frieza. I'm giving it up. It's Frieza time. It's time for Frieza to get a W. I see. Okay, but do you have the Golden Frieza stamp? I guess he wouldn't send it unless it was the last game because then the context would have made sense. We'll see. I'm just going to switch him out.  He jumped on that so quick. I thought I have a little time to reset.  I should have just held my piece. I should have just kept it. Not the corner, dude. Not the corner. Yeah, I don't regret switching out though. Again, the goal is to win with Frieza. The goal is winning with Frieza. So we want Frieza out. Oh my God, he tried to get me with something. Okay, Frieza's out with three bars. I'm not even going to do the level three. It's time. It's time. Is it time? No, we should save Frieza for, we should save. No, he did it for us. We should save Frieza for limit break.  And that means I also have to save Spark. But it doesn't mean I have to save Barn, baby. I only need three. I only need three. That's the key. Three bars is all I need for Golden Frieza. Damn it. He just backed up. He just backed up. Oh my God, the ball of blue energy. He hit a Vegeta in there. Man, hit a whole Vegeta under the Christmas tree, dude. All right, I killed Yamcha. Yamcha is gone. We have to accept that and probably accept that this match will not be won by Frieza. But we're going to try. Remember, I can't Spark with Krillin. That would be throwing away the entire game plan. Get off me. Get off me. I'm out of there. I'm out of there. I'm out of there. Okay. All right, you can do that. That's that's all you do. That's all you. There's no way I could kill him here. I am just going to take the level three. Unfortunately, I might even sense you being myself. I'm going to do it. Why not? Damn it. I couldn't get my sense of being, but at least it worked as a bait. Oh, it was right there. Dude, the sense of being was so close. I need to get I need. Oh, I'm never going to get to eat a sense of being. I'm never going to get to eat my lunch, my lunch break. My lunch break. My poor lunch break, dude. Okay, it's time. This might sound cheesy, but call me golden Frieza. Let's get it done, boys. No, a drop kick. What? You can't. You can't react to that. Not what I'm golden Frieza. Not during my big moment. We might barely live this. Oh, it was actually kind of nice. I'm so fast. I can't keep track of my own movements. I'm too quick. I'm too quick. I can't hit the post vanish. Oh my god, the choke. I was too fast. Dude, Frieza took the weights off, man. I didn't know. All right, wait, wait, wait. Is this a rematch? Is it? Oh my god, he was sent here from the future to stop me from enjoying Frieza, dude. He was sent here to stop me, but am I going to let it happen a second time? Maybe. Damn, leave me alone. All right, just handle GT Goku. Just handle him. You're just trying to handle him. Dude, damn. Damn. I'm getting cooked. I'm trying to really focus. Got a sense of B. Got a sense of B. I didn't let my second button hit. My two Hes like eight miles out. Blue combo. I can't play Frieza. Nice. He said it in choke. Level one should kill here, right? Nice. Okay. All right, all right, all right. I'm calm and down a bit. Calm and back down. Just a smidge, just a tiny smidge. Oh my god. I just fumbled the bag, didn't I? What would a Frieza player would have done? I don't know. What do you do as a Frieza player there? I feel like a bag just got fumbled. Oh no.  I can feel it. I can feel it disturbance. I'm just going to try to drag it back.  Oh, you were dead? I can't believe you were dead to one. I threw two. Damn, I overpaid. I overpaid, dude.  All right, chase down, chase down mechanics. Let's go. It's time. This might sound cheesy. No, no. I was supposed to have three bars. Please understand. Please understand. All I'm asking for is a little bit of understatement. I was born to play Frieza then. It has to be. This might sound cheesy, but call me golden Frieza. What's the odds? He leveled 30s here. Out of fear. Out of fear. I was right to seek further evolution, dude. Watch this. Watch this double dash. Just call me a Mario. Get the car. I missed. I missed. At least you Sorbet. Golden Frieza should actually like, you know how in Pokemon, like Geodudes have sturdy and if they get hit, they should like not die, but they should just like, they just stay at one HP. Golden Frieza should not die, but he should go like into his collapse form. Thoughts? Arxist thoughts? Either way, that's going to be the end. Arxist, let me know what you think down below in the comments. And Frieza player. Actually, you know what? Actually, that's a good question. What is your Frieza in this game? I don't mean like who is Frieza in this game for you. Obviously, that's Frieza. But for me, I avoid Frieza because I know I can't play him.  Let me know down below in the comments, wire down there, make sure to leave a like and subscribe to the channel and check out some more videos. If you want to watch some more, those should be on your screen right now. Other than that, I have been Datsudoi and I will see you in the next one.