Please, somebody, anybody Put a thumbs up in the chat if you can hear me Make sure everything is plugged in properly Paul, what's going on, brother? Mr. Wrench turnin' the building What's going on, boss? We got Mr. Albert Choice Greetings, greetings, greetings Noah, shout out to you, man Hope you guys are doing well Tonight's stream is a bit impromptu You know, I'd be, uh I'd be posting stuff on Instagram from time to time And a lovely young lady reached out Well, she didn't reach out I reached out to her cause she commented On a clip that I'm actually about to play And I brought up the idea of us having A more in-depth dialogue about, you know Not just the clip but also her position When it, you know, as it relates to What the clip was about So the clip was actually created by A good brother on a TikTok I think his name is E&T Kingpin Shout out to that brother He juxtaposed Parts of my conversation with Bam When I was talking about How women only want good men After they're tired of the fuckboys With a young lady who went viral recently For saying that she no longer has the energy To date black men That black men are broke That's, you know, the things that we hear a lot Like I said, I'm going to play that clip And then I'll talk about our guest's comment And then we're going to bring her up And then we're going to have a dialogue I'm excited about this But as far as housekeeping, if you guys Haven't already, we are 24 days away From the 100 in Atlanta So if you are interested in attending this event Please go ahead and get your ticket I'll probably be closing it out soon Just so I can secure the people who Are serious about coming And, you know, we can kind of cater A more intimate experience for the attendees So yeah, please go ahead and get your ticket Either scan that QR code Or go to the About page And there's a link to the tickets There as well Without further ado, let me play Oh yeah, also housekeeping I've been posting videos But they're not performing So I need y'all to kind of get in the habit Of checking the channel For whatever reason, YouTube doesn't want us to be great But I interviewed Nathan Daly A while back He and I did like a Joe Rogan style podcast About policing and police reform I posted a part of that yesterday Or two days ago And then the rest of it Like the full conversation is Premiering tomorrow So make sure you tune in for that It was a really good in-depth Really fascinating conversation A lot of my qualms And frustrations with police I kind of brought it up to him And he did a pretty good job Addressing some of the I guess logical gaps In the perspective of a civilian When it comes to law enforcement And also some ways that we can Begin to change things Instead of just complaining about it So this type of content is What's gonna matter ten years from now Not necessarily the Men and women bashing stuff So also the Christian by default series Parts of that is up I posted another part Or the last part of the conversation I had with the young ladies at the hair store So like I said Navigate to the channel Click that video page The new stuff is up But people aren't seeing it They're not being notified So we have to kind of do The grassroots thing But again shout out to y'all for being here Like I know it's impromptu But the fact that 25 people Have pulled up means a lot I appreciate you guys So yeah, like I said Let me pull up the clip in question So this young lady in the clip Her name is Mikayla Elise I believe Hope I'm not butchering that But she went viral recently And like I said A good brother on TikTok Kind of combined her video With one of my interviews So yeah, I'm gonna play that And we'll talk about it And also we're gonna bring up The young lady who commented That you know peaked my curiosity So yeah, let me stop talking and play Okay I am so effing tired Of the amount of emotional labor That comes with dating black men And you'll see women who Have ran through the pookies And they say I'm tired I am so tired of the lack of commitment The lack of support The lack of encouragement The lack of money They say I'm tired All these men are dusty Black men are dusty My interest in dating another black man Is like one percent at this point And then they end up with a nerdy white dude And what's interesting about that Is these same women when they were younger More desirable Overlooked nerdy black men They want us to be right or dies Until they get their shit together And then they don't want to support us In return They don't want to commit to us They don't want to marry us But then they want all the benefits of being a husband Without actually proposing to us So you're saying to us These attributes that I'm going to value in Billy I don't value those in you And then when I go to Billy I'm going to claim that you guys are these things When in black men you didn't nurture those attributes You encourage us to be emotionless I need someone who's intentional And I'll be aware that I'm going to get a lot of hate for this So hopefully I can get a hold of this young lady Sometime in the near future So we can have a more in-depth conversation Because I think there are layers to what she's saying Especially her situation being mixed Because I've seen clips of her talking about The dark side of being a mixed kid And how whether or not The white side of your family embraces you Whether or not the black side of your family embraces you Some of those challenges And I'm sure it informs her disposition Towards black men as well But anyway, our guest tonight, Elsie She commented And let me see, let me pull it back up So, boom, that's better So she commented and she said I wonder why the nerds didn't date other nerds I was very much overlooked in high school and college And being an immigrant to the equation Made it very challenging Myself and other nerdy girls were overlooked I don't hear anyone talk about the girl nerds being overlooked Instead you talk about the analogy Of the Cam Newton career versus Tom Brady career In my experience, guys still want the popular girl I think that's fair And that's why I reached out to her So we can have a more in-depth, robust conversation The nerdy girls, the nerdy guys And if you look at our thumbnail tonight It kind of speaks to that dynamic And some of the resentment that lingers in that dynamic You know, the whole Mike Jones back then You didn't want me now hot, you all on me And a lot of men's experiences The women that they wanted back in the day Who didn't want them are now coming back And it seems like in some women's experiences The men that they wanted but didn't want them back in the day Are now coming back So, yeah So Elsie and I chopped it up a little bit Did like a pre-game conversation And I asked her to bring some questions Obviously I got the questions And we're just going to organically just talk about this And see if we can reach some kind of mutual understanding So this general kind of resentment that we see amongst men and women In our community in particular doesn't just persist So I'm going to stop yapping Without further ado, I bring to you Elsie, Elsie, how are you doing? No, your audio is coming in like super low Uh-oh, hopefully Okay How about now? It's 100% That sounds better Okay, I'll try to speak up Okay, perfect, yeah, let's do it How are you? I'm well How are you? I'm good, I'm good Let's start with the post With the TikTok video that you saw On the page What were your thoughts of the video itself? And what would you say compelled you to Comment what you did? I did see the young lady's video floating around And nothing really stood out to me From her point of view because I think that's just one of the things that keeps getting filtered through social media Is a lot of the issues or grievances that black women Or women that appear black So she's the next, like you said, are having with black men And also black men speaking to their experiences and grievances as well So what caught my attention was The narrative of The black nerdy kid Being overlooked And going through the pookies and ray-rays And then getting married to the nerdy white kid And what got me was I don't know Who Whose experience that is, but that is not my story It is not my girlfriend's story It's not none of my girlfriends Who may appear nerdy Their stories So it was just kind of like I'm tired of hearing this narrative Especially when it comes to The Save yourself black men Or the passport bros I could be wrong It seems like a lot of them complain that they weren't black enough Or hood enough on high school So they were overlooked And now that they're clean cut and more desirable They would rather just go overseas Because when I was younger, you didn't want me And it's like, well, did you look next to you in your science class Or your lab partner That was me Perhaps Maybe didn't look like the popular girl Or wasn't as desirable as a popular girl Did you look at her Or were you just looking at the popular girl And then having this narrative of All black girls are the same Because the illustration showed The nerdy kid is wanting to talk to the popular girl But she's with this thug And then every girl is in the background like Hello So that resonated with me And then coming back later like Do you remember me when you shunned me And it's like You're damned if you do it You're damned if you don't It seems so You know, it sounds like there are a lot of parallels Between some of men's experiences And some of women's experiences In that, you know, in that regard What do you think is unique about women's experiences With, I think Kayla calls it not being select Early enough, like in high school What do you think is unique that men are missing About women who, as you put it, got overlooked For the cheerleader The woman who was going after the thug I'm not sure if I can speak for everyone But one of the questions I kept getting asked by my mom Was if I was a lesbian Because I didn't Exactly That was my reaction, like what? Because I didn't date, I didn't really go out So as a woman I think women in general want to be chosen Or want to feel like they are desired And so There is this invisibility factor That we tend to Have to deal with And it doesn't change when you go to college Because you go from a smaller pool Of high schoolers that you I went to three different high schools But most people go to the same high school For the four years, you're with the same people Typically, but now you're going to a bigger pond So now it's almost like Magnified times ten Where you hope that That high school syndrome of not being seen Will go away That's a stupid case What do you think If you can consolidate like What men your age At the time were looking for What would you say they were looking for And what would you say they were looking for specifically That you didn't seem to have In their eyes So I went to The last high school I graduated from Was Majority White It was up in the Northwest, Columbus, Ohio And so there are maybe Ten of us total Both male and female black students And It almost seems like a stereotype But I don't recall any of the black Men or black male students being nerdy They're all athletes And all of them were with white girls I can't remember I'm sorry, go ahead The only other black girl That I recall seeing Because I believe there was only two of us Two, maybe three The only other black girl I remember seeing Was overweight So I do remember that Did you ever have an experience Whether in college or high school with a A male Elsie who overlooked you So like you said the guy who was Who was also in your chemistry class Or the guy who was also in AP Or IB classes who also overlooked you Yes Okay, talk about that Because I think that really gets to the core Of the conversation, talk about that He wasn't, and mind you The reason why he sticks up to me Is because there are a lot of male Versions of Elsie but they were white I didn't really see a lot I didn't see a lot of black kids Even at Ohio State University I didn't see a lot of black kids Male black kids Who weren't athletes or were in my classes Because my plan That was provided to me By my father was medical school So all my classes were science or math I don't think there were any black Nerdy men in my classes If anything I was the only one Anyway, this kid He was in my dorm So the dorm I was living in Was for science and engineering And he was an engineer We would see each other Maybe during laundry or during the study hall That was all in the basement of the dorm Or if we had classes going the same direction So we would talk and just Kind of be cordial with each other And I mean I'd never really told him I was interested I was completely oblivious to How to even approach that subject But the next thing I know He's dating someone else They'll look the complete opposite of me Hmm I mean it's hard to say Okay, so in a blue sky In a dream world How would that have played out If you had it your way How would you have liked to see that play out So let me fast forward a little bit And I'll answer your question I ran into him again So we met freshman year I didn't run into him till our junior Or senior year at this point And it was almost like We never lost touch We started talking It was like at 7-Eleven And he brought up how he had Almost a word he used I forget the word he used He had a hard time expressing to me That he wanted to do something with me Or date me Because I got off as if I was my old friend Yeah, I looked at him And I'm like, are you telling me you had a crush on me back then? And he said, yeah, I'm like Then what happened? I'm not going to say your name I'm like, what happened with Soso and so? Because she was on my floor And the only reason why I even knew that was Kelsey Kelsey couldn't stop talking about you And I was like, what? Yeah, so It was almost like You were expecting me to make the first move? And I think that speaks to a little bit of What I will say most women Because I'll put myself in a category of that Most women find Confidence attractive And perhaps some of these Poopies, Ray-Rays, Bugs Have a surplus of it Even if it is toxic It's almost like It's oozing through their pores And it appears For example, myself Being a nerdy person, nerdy kid I was Awkward I thought I had a great personality But I was definitely awkward I couldn't really make eye contact with People So he was experiencing the same thing On the other spectrum where He was awkward He was not confident because A pookie or Ray-Ray Would just step up to me So to speak Versus him just like I don't know, should I, shouldn't I So I never asked I should have I didn't ask who made the first move Between Kelsey and me Do you want my thoughts?  He calls it Dropping the handkerchief You heard of that Concept? Basically A woman's role is not To overtly approach a guy But to make the Way clear for him I think there are a lot of parallels Even when it comes to sex You're not the one penetrating him You're the one making the way clear for him Literally and figuratively And I think unfortunately Compared to maybe some other demographic Of women Our women Struggle there a little bit Which is why it seems like The nerdy guys are going to the white women Or they're Just fixated On the women who don't want them Thoughts I can see that And I definitely Got called out At the gym Earlier this year About smiling more And my response was Sir it is 6am in the morning I'm about to deadlift this 225 for reps I'm not trying to smile So I laughed And his response was He really looked like a different person And I thought sir it is 6 o'clock How crazy would I look Just smiling And he said I hear what you're saying But I think you should think about how When you're walking around When you're sitting during your Breaks what your face is Like My face is probably saying I'm dying Right now And I started Consciously Because I still struggle with that Especially if I'm focused on something I will consciously I started consciously actually Talking to people Because I think that was something that was easier If I saw someone That I recognized waving and smiling Versus just like I recognize them and not say anything Or like try to like have a Smile on my face So to speak So I started Just saying hello to Some of the regulars that I would see at the gym So I I understand that Here's my pushback Talk to me I have been called Whitewashed and Oreo And Valley Girl Which I would say means I am very Bubbly According to one of my guy friends Because I end up having a conversation with him Because he had invited me I was working at one of the main grocery stores On campus And he had invited me to Like a party Which was very out of my comfort zone And very much like Elsie's rebelling Because she's got a test to study for That's coming up in a week And I usually study for my test a week in advance Because trying to cram No go So usually my weekends are spent Either volunteering at the medical center Or studying So when he invited me out I'm like you know what Yeah Let's go out I'm 21 I'm not a drink yet let's do it So he invited me to a party And I had seen Come back and forth At the grocery store just to hang out with him And I had An inkling that one of them specifically Was interested But never shot his shot So I asked him about it And his response was That I was a little bit too Valley girl for them And they didn't feel that I was black enough And of course My retort was Motherland how black do you need me To be So If If the fear is We are not as warm As Counter parts but The pushback I've been getting From one of my guy friends He was in a relationship so it wasn't going to be Anything there If I'm getting feedback From him that Girlie and I sound like this And I have my White voice all the time versus Just when I'm working it's like okay So I don't know if I necessarily So Was he a similar Archetype to The guy from college Or were they two different How would you describe him Versus the guy from college Creative I would say he was a creative type He I forget what his Major was Maybe it was Technology or something I think he went to ITT tech or something I'm not 100% sure But He looked a lot Like Because he had the big hair Same belt and everything He wasn't really my type So even if he was single I probably wouldn't have Well I think What makes it complicated And I think this is true for Men seeking women as well It's like You have to Kind of decide on the type of Person you want And you have to Then Try to Get granular with Their Disposition and outlook on the opposite sex So meaning In as much as I'm telling you That It would help you More easily attract The nerdy guy if you were More bubbly, more inviting More Or less standoffish They are a lot of Black men who are raised by single mothers Who like masculine Women And they might not even be aware of it They might not even be See it as a bad thing But there are some black men If I'm being completely honest As much as they complain About the Abrasiveness that we Associate with black women They like it They like the Or I gotta Impress her disposition So as the woman You have to decide what kind of man do you want Because these are two different guys And The guy who is going to Go to the white Woman for instance Isn't necessarily the same guy Who likes The abrasiveness that comes along With most black women So I think These two stories Are completely different You have thoughts, I see your brain Your brain turning Well, I guess My first thought was it seems Contradictory that the complaint Is we're not soft and approachable And don't create the space For you to approach me But then when I am The soft bubbly type That's not what you want So it's kind of confusing Listen, it's Frustrated, even as a man Because in the manuscript One of the terms that's Throwing out a lot is simp Right And basically It's just the guy who Mortgages his self-respect to Impressed women, right We see a lot of them They call themselves male feminists in the whole nine And it makes what People like me are trying to do difficult Because they just Pay lip service to whatever women want So I say that to say There are Men out there Who are looking for all the negative Things that we're complaining about Somebody like me is speaking up against it Because I don't think it's sustainable And I don't think it makes for good Families are good Children in the long term Especially as we compete with Hispanic, Indian Asian counterparts But Some men are short-sighted So some men are just focused on The sexual appeal Of a Woman who's unbothered A woman who's resting bitch face in the whole nine So I think As much as The men who know better need to speak up Against it I think women also need to Do their part in disincentivizing Those types of men Because the reality is a lot of those Men are products of single mothers A lot of those men are products of trauma A lot of those men are products of Neglect, so we have to Have the level of discernment to Distinguish between Okay, this guy is worth listening to And his preference is when it comes to women Makes sense in a sustainable long Term and this other guy Who's asking me to be more abrasive To be more harsh Does that make sense? Should I continue that cycle To my daughters in the whole nine So like we need to start making those Distinctions Do you think That While we're in high school And I mean both Sexes here While we're in high school That What we were attracted to Evolves when we get older I would say for most people No Okay So And I I'll have to agree only because My taste In high school and college hasn't changed Really That's interesting Why do you say that? No, finish your point then I'll Tell you Okay And the reason I ask Is because If the complaint is Nerdy kids were overlooked The nerdy kids are not meeting each Other And then later on Seemingly The nerdy girl Is still not picked Then Why Is it almost It feels like the responsibility Of The nerdy girl to say I'm here You may not find me attractive I'm here And then ten years from now I got more attractive I still want you Where's the self respect for that manner You understand what I'm saying Because I'm going back to that picture Where You ignored me because I looked Crazy Because you looked crazy too Perhaps why The popular girl went with the jock Because that's like Their whatever The group, their clique So When now the Popular girl Fell off And you say oh no I am more high value now I cleaned up and glowed up So now you're going to look at me Am I supposed to just say hey Come home Like And that's assuming That's assuming that even happens That's what I'm saying is it does not It doesn't happen And to be fair And I think that's why this medium Of dialogue Is much more productive Because This thing is complicated If I'm being honest I wish there were easy answers I wish it was clean cut But the reality is it's complicated Part of what makes it Complicated The way that men and women are evaluated Is different I think You Spend More than five minutes outside You'll see The curriculum for women is different Than the curriculum for men And with that being the case It creates Different expectations For men and women, from men and women And it also creates different Deadlines, right And what I mean is like A woman is at her most competitive From high school Into college A little bit after college And even though She has glowed up As you put it That is still part of Her evaluation, from the perspective Of men Because, and a lot of people When I say this, a lot of people are thinking Oh, I'm just talking about Fertility, or I'm just talking about Like age, and here's An example of a 60 year old woman Who really looks good for her age And I'm also talking about it And something that men consider Is Experience and baggage There's something Intoxicating from a male point of view Of being a woman's Introduction to something Right, before back in the day It was like virginity We wanted to take her virginity And the younger she is The more likely she's a virgin Like I want to be the first guy Who took her out of the country I want to be the first guy She did this cool thing with And also, I don't want to have to deal With whatever BS That she suffered In her last relationship Now, when you consider a woman Who is a lot younger She might have one last relationship When you consider a woman Who's older She has a lot of last relationships To deal with whatever the fallout is So a lot of men take that into account So simply the fact That she glowed up Does not absolve her From some of those other considerations So he might position himself In a way where he wants to Have sex with her But the same Fervor and vigor that he would have pursued her Back in college, back in high school If she had that same glow up Is not the same Unfortunately. And I think There There are different ways that that manifests For men and for women And I think Part of the advantage Quote unquote for men is Even when we look at the thumbnail Generally speaking That nerdy kid in high school In college Is still on an upward trajectory From A societal standpoint As how we evaluate potential Suitors He's still on an upward trajectory Unfortunately that nerdy girl Who's now glowed up Or whatever She's either at her peak or on her way down So from the Perspective of the person Seeking her out It's not going to hit the same As it would have If she had got the physical together Five years ago Ten years ago Which is what, like I said Makes some of this kind of complicated Give me the thoughts So Has it ever occurred To People That Since some nerdy girls are not getting Chosen that they don't have relationships No Okay You just made me say something different No Here's the thing Here's the thing Men are Socialized And I think part of this is actually Good and I'll try my best to explain it But part of it is also bad Men are socialized to be pessimistic In order to Provide or protect worth of damn We kind of think that Nobody's coming to save you It's in your hands What am I going to do if the economy crashes What am I going to do if somebody breaks into my house Worst case scenario is kind of how men Are wired So with that being said Any man who's been outside Just a little bit Is going to assume If she tells you two guys It's probably been five She tells you five We have been again Socialized to Deferred to the worst case scenario So to your point no We're not going to assume That you having that We're going to assume that you have And am I willing to sign up For this And whatever that algorithm is In our head okay she's This age So that means she's probably boom boom boom boom We have to kind of Within ourselves Answer the question Are we okay with taking that one Because unfortunately the reality is like Even when you hear A lot of the social discourse Around relationships Men are expected to Do and be a lot for women Where we're Especially nowadays we're expected to pay her bills We're expected to Rub her feet We're expected to be her therapist Be the best sex she's ever had Be her protector Be her trainer Be all kinds of stuff And I hear women say Well I make good money too And I bring stuff to the table And because of a lot of the ways That we have been socialized To think of relationships We do not Consider your money Our money Partly because We have children And your own maternity leave You're not going to be making any money Partly because We hear women over and over and over And over again say that My money is my money Your money is our money So men's default again going back to Being pessimistic And worst case scenario oriented Our default is to say Her money is inconsequential Because it's not my money For everything else that comes along Is she Am I excited to wake up next to her every day How does her disposition Calm my spirit Is she a safe place A place that I'm excited to come Home to every day When the world whoops my eyes Especially as a black man But again I don't think women And not saying you specifically But I think generally I don't think women Spend enough time To see the world From a man's perspective Especially when that man is evaluating a woman Don't look so sad Talk to me I'm ruminating on things that you're saying Okay Well let's backtrack for a minute You were surprised when I said That my taste hasn't changed Why did you smirk a little bit Because high school kids don't know shit And a lot of I know my taste has changed A lot of the things That used to be super high on my list No longer are And a lot of the things that were secondary Are now primary I was talking about One of my boys the other day Like In high school A girl literally just had to be Aesthetically pretty I didn't care how her voice sounded I didn't care about I didn't pay attention To her hygiene I didn't care about her movement Her disposition Her energy But now You can be gorgeous But if you don't have the disposition I like If you don't move the way that I like You don't smell the way that I like You might as well be a 400 pound man So That's the difference of Actually dealing with women Because a lot of boys Are socialized To think women are sugar and spice And everything nice And at some point as a man You get to the point where you You know that that's bullshit And now you're left to actually deal With who women actually are And that's when the things like How she moves, how she speaks, her voice Her intonation On the flip side when it comes to women A lot of high school girls The reason why you'll see Chris Brown Posters and One Direction and all this is because They only Naturally I think Gravitate Towards status And also You can say aesthetics as well But I would say more so status, right? Because I've heard a lot of women talk about Very famous dudes as if they're handsome But there is A status thing That I think comes naturally to women And I hope That as women grow up And realize that Some of that is bullshit They start Prioritizing Not necessarily the high value attributes But the high quality attributes Is this man going to be a good Grandfather To my grandchildren High school girls aren't thinking like that 20 year old girls are not thinking like that Yeah, so that's why I smirked So if High school girls, 20 year old girls Don't think like that Why is it the expectation That we should want to settle Down at that age I don't think it's Yeah Which I'm thinking My criteria And taste has not Changed If the majority of women's Women their taste Has evolved From aesthetics and status To the good man Because of the character now Who's to say I get married at 22 Because I was attracted to something specific That was not going to be Sustainable And then I grew apart from my partner Because now I realize I don't know why I got married to you Because you ain't it Right And again that goes back to I say all the time I don't have all the Answers, I just have all the questions That goes back to like This thing being messy And this thing being There are no clean lines There's a book By this guy named James Sexton It's called if you're in my office it's already too late So James Sexton is a Divorce attorney or at least he was He was like a 20 year divorce attorney And He got a divorce He got a divorce from a woman That his ex wife The mother to his two sons They got married in their 20s I think he was 22, she was 21 And They got a divorce Not because of cheating From my understanding Not because of cheating or anything like massive like that But more so like They weren't People who are Compatible anymore Right because at 2021 We're thugging it You know Most of the nitpicky stuff Doesn't really matter but like At 35 and things like that Like I like Zen minimalistic aesthetics You like shabby chic So if you're the woman And you're decorating a shabby chic style I don't like coming home to you Because I would rather my place Look more clean You know He's a lawyer obviously And he was like The worst time to try to talk to me Is the morning before case I try to talk to me is In the evening after I've done jujitsu And I've showered and I'm zen For her it was opposite So you can only imagine that There would be natural clashes And I think there's a conversation there About the efficacy of The traditional Paradigm of marriage Into the future as we feel like We have more options But the reality is Marriage of 20 is not going to be who you divorce At 30 or 40 And Again that's what makes it complicated I think to your first question Part of the reason that the pressure Is put on women to get married in their 20s Is because Purely based on that criteria That we Have acknowledged that society Uses to evaluate men and society Uses to evaluate women A woman has her leverage In her 20s Because that's when she's her most desirable Right A man is still gaining his leverage So it would be And again this is the argument It would be in a woman's best interest To secure That max MBA contract In her prime It would be LeBron James's Best interest to secure That MBA max contract In his prime not when He's a vet Not when he's about to retire And from a societal standpoint A woman's prime is those 20s And the max contract is A man saying I want to Protect And provide for you until we die How does that Work Exactly if The woman Is waiting to be chosen So like we can stop time You're still getting old Again that's what makes it complicated That's what makes it complicated I think To be fair that's why Although some people Dismiss Men and women On some occasions Dismiss men and women Who end up with white people I think It would help us as a community If we approach that with curiosity I would say especially for men Only because Women Don't On average Don't struggle with Attraction The way that men do Men on average Don't struggle with retention The way that women do So it seems like A man Moving up in social status Means that he becomes more attractive To more women A woman becoming more Attractive to more men Isn't necessarily an indication Of her social status As Her ability to secure and retain A highly sought after man And I think Where a lot of women Are Going wrong Is I think they're playing the attraction game Instead of the retention game They're playing the attention game Instead of the retention game And I think that's why so many of them are losing Because gravity and mother nature Are coming whether you like it or not So if You're not focused on Identifying The type of man that you would be compatible with And identifying the type of woman Who would be attractive to him Right Because that's going to be easier For you to do than a man It makes things harder in the long term Shout out to Rich Turner He says don't wait, drop the handkerchief Drop the handkerchief ladies I'll be trying to tell y'all Drop the handkerchief And to be fair to women I think Disney And our mothers did us a disservice And Hollywood Generally did us a disservice Because it painted this picture That You don't have to do anything And that a man Is going to seek you out Out of your bedroom Even though you don't go out He's just going to come find you He's going to come find you where you are If he's the right man And the reality is not that The reality is It's going to take some proactivity On your part It's going to take some self-awareness And the willingness to Change some aspects Of yourself that you might have grown accustomed to And that's true for a lot of women The resting bitch face and the whole nine But again, it's about being Aware of And Humble enough to say that I want this thing And I have to do what's necessary To get this thing Drop the handkerchief I'm going to need you to record Record an audio so I'm going to add it To the little sound bar And just drop the handkerchief Drop the handkerchief Okay, so Are you Saying That A lot of women are Spending too much time Playing the attraction game When it comes to The amount of money they spend on Like their outer appearance May be cosmetic surgery and clothing Versus spending Time and money on working on Their internal Able to know what is Necessarily to Retain a relationship? Did I catch that? Yes And to take it a step further I think Too many women Are unwilling to divorce themselves Of their 16 year old desires So Women 10 years later Are still trying to become attractive For Chris Brown Even though Chris Brown would not be A good husband to you So Okay You don't have to spend this Because again The school teacher Who doesn't make that much money Doesn't have a high social status And is not looking for a woman with BBL He's going to be the best man for you But unfortunately What if the school teacher doesn't want Me? Yes, yes But I think big picture Unfortunately a lot of women are socialized To overlook that type of man So all the preparation is being done For a man that Either you don't qualify for Or A man that you wouldn't be compatible With long term So you don't Let's say you don't qualify for the guy At best you'll get into his section At best he'll give you some dick Let's say You do qualify for him But you guys aren't compatible long term You might even get a ring You might even get a relationship But it won't work out But again Unless that woman is spending as much time Doing the internal work To actually identify that Oh no, what I actually need Is a school teacher Who isn't sought out By a bunch of women And I think A lot of women would be surprised As to the number of men They even notice I'll be honest with you, I'll see From these interviews that I've been doing You would be surprised When women are describing men to me And A lot of their grievances with men Because I know a lot of guys Between you and me They're only describing 5% of men But most women are not Socialized to even see 95% of men Maybe not, let's say 80% Just to be safe So when I hear most women And I'm not saying this is the case for you When I hear most women say that They're not attracting guys And then especially if I see them I'm like either you're not leaving the house Or you're only focusing On 5%, 10% of men Because He wants you, but he's not tall enough He wants you, but his beard don't connect He wants you, but he doesn't make enough money He wants you, but he doesn't have social status A lot of women are social Especially this goes back to the high school thing A lot of high school women's Girls dream is The super attractive High status, high value guy Who is wanted by All the women, but only wants me All the women are throwing vagina at him But he only wants mine It's oxymoronic, right? Like Tupac with a PhD, like we talked about The other day, most women Aren't socialized to stop and say Number one, is that even gonna work? And number two, does Tupac with a PhD even want me? Right, so my whole Message has been When you do that reflection And honest Self-assessment More men will appear To you that you might have not even been able To see before That we're always there, there was just Wallpaper Than most women realize So I'm gonna push back again Push, push That's why we're here Um I think I mentioned this It seems Even the school teacher Or the post office worker Or the cop They're looking for the popular girl Cause I've dated all of them I either got ghosted Or Discarded So I've dated Engineers that discarded me I've dated Most office workers that ghosted me I've dated A school teacher Even a A youth group Leader I Just I think you're giving Some of those men More benefit Of the doubt than you realize Because I still think The aesthetics of I didn't get what I wanted in high school So that's what I want now Sure So to clarify When I said school teacher I didn't literally mean school teacher I just meant When women Idealize Their perfect guy They're not thinking of school teacher They're thinking Dr. Lawyer engineer So my point was To Consider The people who might not jump off the page immediately With that being said Like The dudes who are watching this Who've actually been outside Who've been with women Who've associated with women One of the things that we learn Is that Some of the worst women are nurses Some of the worst women are lawyers Some of the worst So is that to say that Nurses are bad people? No Is that to say lawyers are bad people?  Either that Or Going back to you saying that you Your taste hasn't changed since high school There might still be Immature aspects Of your taste That you are attached to And there might be some Consistent trait In these men that you continuously Seek out, because one of the things I've learned is We I don't know if it's our brain Or our psyche, it likes to replay The game It's kind of like you're playing a video game and you lose You start it over It likes to replay the game to prove to ourselves That we can beat it And then date the same person 50 times Or have the same situation She was abused by eight of her boyfriends He was smacked in the face By seven of his girlfriends And then you realize that, oh, he is trying To subconsciously Conquer this thing, maybe his mom was abusive So he's going to subconsciously Seek out abusive women And think to himself That at some point I'll figure out The way to hack this And like I said In my experience It tends to be one of those two things Either you're trying to prove something to yourself Or There's something about yourself that you might have a blind spot to That's running these guys away Once they learn what that is Is there one that you're leaning towards? I've gotten feedback for a couple That I can point out And it's usually guys In the The description of Too conservative Okay, let's talk about it Okay Let's talk about it What do you want me to say? I've been told I'm too conservative What do you, what do you Okay, so two questions What do you think What does it mean to you? Like when you heard it how did you understand it And then the second question is What do you think it means to them Because you guys might understand it differently So what does it mean to you first of all? I asked One person Because it kept coming up And I was curious what he meant by it He said That he To preface this I live in Atlanta For people in the chat So I love that helps So one of the things It doesn't help dating But yeah He was looking for What he was looking for This was an engineer He was looking for A Sexually promiscuous Bisexual woman that he would be Able to have three sons And I said Thank you for telling me But that's not Me It's not my ministry It's not my journey And Before he said that He Started talking about dress code For some reason And I made a comment About certain outfits That I would be caught dead in Outside but I would be willing to play around With Maybe costumes inside with my partner And he kept looking at me crazy Like why not Why wouldn't you wear that outside And look like a cheap hooker What's going on here So eventually He was looking for sexually promiscuous And that Felt under the umbrella of being able To wear whatever outside Even if I was with or without Him That was really confusing How did That even How did that relationship even manifest It wasn't even a relationship It was the second date No, but What made you say yes to the first one Let alone the second one In hindsight were there any signs That this dude was Looking for something Were you just shocked when he brought that up I was definitely shocked So I didn't even know I didn't think he was interested at all At all The one he followed up To talk to me and I even expressed that to him I was like I didn't even think he was interested And he said What would you say that And I said So I think the first date went well Probably because I may have Filled a role Or avoid for him that he could talk to someone About losing his father Like Not even a week prior So The date went Fine But I also noticed what made me feel like Maybe he wasn't interested was while we were waiting For our table He kept inching back I'll get closer You know dropping the handkerchief And you keep inching back So after the second time I thought okay maybe stop And I didn't get any like I didn't get the energy That he was really interested So I brought that up to him When he wanted to meet up again And I was like I'm surprised to hear from you I didn't think you were at all interested To like continue And he He claims That Oh I'll tell you what he says And then you can tell me He claimed Being that he is 6'4 He Is very aware of his size He used to be in the military So not only is he tall but he's also figure He's aware Like kind of like what you said Of your size And being a black man What that may look like in terms of Being a little bit overpowering So he was trying to give me space So I didn't feel threatened And I said that kept inching back That's a cut Round of applause for that young man Because that is good I have lied in my life I ain't never lied like that That is good So if Beyoncé was inching forward He would have backed up because His size was so bold Shiggity So Okay so let me ask Let me ask you this In hindsight What has been More Common Men That it was clear that they wanted you Or men that it was unclear That they liked you What would you say has been more consistent Ooh Wait Men who Wanted me for sex Only In fact that, why? Because of my age Say more Say more A few of the people who Used the word Conservative or uptight Were upset That I wasn't looking for a casual Encounter And so They will Respond in a negative way And it's usually Women in your age usually just Want to Fuck around and have a good time And they will go Find one of them What about me And I even asked What about me gave you the impression That that's what I was looking for Like I don't want to say you can tell If a girl or a guy is just looking For an eff buddy Like there are certain women that you can Be like, okay Now she's looking for something different Well one of the guys actually came clean And said that Which makes sense One of the guys said that The kind of women That he's attracted to Only sees him As the kind of guy that should be in Relationships So I was like Huh He said Typically women who just Want to Have casual sex are looking For like the Prototypical Adonis looking Sculpted, tall Chiseled The looking man and he made Since he's an average guy He can't have access to those type of women That he's typically attracted to So Even though My requirement was completely Opposite of what He's looking for He was hoping to change him tonight And again Because I'm in my late 30s I should be okay with it So Shout out to Rich Turner real quick I saw that He gifted Five membership Shout out to my brother I appreciate you So How would you respond to The Good Brothers Comment? He says her man is somewhere In Mississippi or Alabama A good old salt of the earth God fearing blue color Conservative brother who pronounces Street as streets And goes to rodeos on Weekends How do you respond to that? Um I think it It falls in line with what you said About what I'm looking for Not being in Atlanta However Street No Something that No Something that hasn't changed From high school college Is someone that is unable To speak eloquently If you Have grinds my gears So much So that's very unattractive to me Who I look Am I looking for someone more wholesome? Sure, but I don't want Anyone in the rodeo Or speaking that way You know We When we talked yesterday We touched on Kevin Sam Just a little bit I think That Kevin resonated With so many men Is because I think baseline A lot of our women have been Socialized to view black men With a level of contempt And that's just baseline And that extends to Even the black men Like myself who are more Articulate than the average bear Whatever that means I understand That There are brothers who are far More intelligent than me Who can't speak as well as I do I understand That Just because somebody Is Articulate and eloquent And they Use their prepositional phrases Doesn't Necessarily speak to Their character It doesn't necessarily speak to Their moral compass But unfortunately I think what's happened in our community More specifically, and I can Give other examples with other things But when it comes to our women I think our women are unfortunately Prioritizing what things look like Versus what things are So I think When it comes to Career and stuff, for instance A lot of women Think that just because a man Makes a lot of money Means he's good with money A lot of women think Just because a man is Articulate means he's intelligent And things like that And I bring that up not to say That You should Abandon Some of your wants But I would encourage women To reevaluate Some of their wants Because unfortunately Just like I said Some of the worst people Some of the worst women you'll meet are nurses Some of the worst men you'll meet are lawyers Like Lawyers are I took a class in college called Legal environment men of business And the guy who taught the class was a lawyer And basically he talked about The reason why lawyers and business people Don't get along And literally we spent the whole day talking about The process Of becoming a lawyer and how that Makes you jaded to humanity Like to be a successful lawyer You have to have like a touch of Narcissism Sociopathy even And then we wonder Why people bring that Into their relationships and they're not successful So I don't know if women Generally I'm not saying this is the case with you Have considered that Some of the shiny things that I'm attracted to I've been socialized to be attracted to Might not be good for me But some of the more dull things Some of the more like Screets You know, rodeo men Might actually be what's good for me But if I Instinctively Dismissed them Not just them but those things I'm missing out on A world of experience A world of experiences And a world of Very positive things That might be meant for me But I'm focused more on aesthetics And I'm focused more on My girlfriends being jealous Or the pictures we can take, especially as Africans Right?  I know brothers who Make 40,000 a year Who has more money saved up than that lawyer Who makes $300,000 a year But is also $500,000 in debt But we don't talk about these things With sophistication because We're so fixated on the aesthetic And I, to be fair I think women more so than men And that's fair Because I think Biologically there's something to be said About women Being more attracted to men Who they can look up to Because figuratively with height But that they can learn from And maybe that's why there's such a disconnect As to I, me, woman Makes 100,000 You, man Better make that much or more so I can look Up to you. I think that's where A lot of this disconnect is Whereas I know That You making that kind of money Doesn't make you a good steward of your money So I'm well aware of that 100% Well aware of that I wonder Why, well, no I wonder why though The description that Was A warrant just had Was That specifically I'm curious if you can Expand as to why That was who would be best for me Why Mississippi Or Alabama As I lived in Alabama for a year and a half When I first moved to the state And it was horrendous the way We were treated And Mississippi I've never been but that just seems very specific Versus saying somewhere like The Carolinas or anywhere else Right, right And you know to be fair I think that's what he meant I don't necessarily think he was Talking about Mississippi or Alabama Or Texas or any other Oklahoma I think Unfortunately as men, even going back to Kevin Samuels, the clip that Launched him into the stratosphere Was the average at best clip I'm sure you've seen it It was all over the news and shit like that And It Unfortunately in my opinion I think it was It went viral for the wrong reasons I think it went viral because A lot of men Felt a sense of catharsis To see a man actually Put a woman in her place publicly I think the reason why It should have gone viral The reason it was So It stood out so much for me Is that She said during Their conversation I just, I started making Six figures I've got a dog rooming business And I'm finding that I cannot respect The men Who make less than me She even gave some examples Some men are They're trying to Eat off of me They want to know how we can get into business together And this, this and that But generally To your point Women are socialized to look up to men And there's a biological incentive to look up to men So it's hard for me To look up to somebody I make less than I think The problem though is That position assumes That men and women's curriculum Is the same Like what adds Inches to your height as a man Might take inches away From your height as a woman And I think, I think That's the peace That A lot of women are struggling to Acknowledge, right? Like you'll see, and I've come across it Even on the channel Women, I've got my master's degree Even on Kevin Samuel's channel You talk about the PhD I make six figures I do this, I do that And the reality is If she was a man That makes her a better man I take points away from you So you have to be Aware enough and humble enough To take away those points for yourself And then Consider the type of man That not only do you qualify for But you're compatible with And maybe it's A man who makes just as much money as you Maybe it's a man who makes a little bit less But the fact that a lot of women Have less considerations I think is what's leading a lot of women To the outcomes that they're having Because they're not even willing to think about that They just, he makes less than me Point blank, he's not up to my level Without considering the fact that Okay, I'm also 300 pounds I'm also Not the most attractive woman in the world I also have a bad Disposition I also haven't fully Bought myself And I'm also 50 years old So when you start deducting these things From the perspective of a man You realize, okay I need to humble myself And I think it's that humility That moves us in the Right direction to see the outcomes That we want to see And again I don't I don't know specifically What that would Mean for you But I think generally the message here Is just self-awareness from women's part And also understanding Their desirability From a male perspective How would a man Evaluate me One of the things I asked some of my female Guests, I say If your son brought you home Would you be happy about it? Yeah, I don't have any kids But if My son brought me home And I don't want it To seem like I'm being pretentious here But yeah, I would But again we have to take Everything into consideration So and when I say Your son It assumes that this is Your pride and joy and he's at the peak Of his life And when I say you It also takes into consideration All the Shortcomings that you have as well For some women that's weight For some women that's their mental disposition For some women that's age Like you have because If you're the mother You would want your son to have the best Right and these are Considerations that I think It would help a lot of women to Make Proactively And not to say Even with the average at best situation It's not to say that You therefore don't qualify For those six-figure men It's not to say that you therefore Don't qualify for those handsome men At the peak of their whatever But it's to say that You might have to do a little bit more work You have to You might have to compete in a different way Than For instance, UFC I think it's a beautiful analogy If I'm a wrestler And I'm fighting somebody Who was a Golden Gloves boxer Who's now doing UFC The first thing I want to do in the fight Is take him to the ground I'm not standing up with him Because if I stand up with him I'ma lose The metaphor here is Unfortunately I think a lot of Women who might not be Whether gifted physically or gifted Age-wise or gifted Weight-wise or gifted disposition-wise Are trying to stand up With 20-year-old valley girls In the peak of their life And when purely off of Who's the most attractive Or I see a lot of our women in particular They're competing on who's the more Most sexually enticing Or sexually appealing And it's like it's a losing game But like you see Maggie the substitute teacher She said it best She was like a lot of Older men, they give young men advice Because they see themselves in young men But older women compete with younger Women because they see themselves As younger women Right, so Are you competing On looks or are you competing on cooking skill You can beat that 20-year-old with cooking skill You can beat that 20-year-old With knowing how a man thinks And being his peace And being all the things that The 20-year-old doesn't have to care about Because she's a supermodel And it only takes again that Reflection That Humility To really be able to compete But unfortunately it seems like a lot of our women Aren't willing to like take that L You know And then start moving in the direction That could actually get the outcomes That they want Oh yeah, so Rich Rich shout out to Rich man With the $100 super chat Dude is the go He says It was tongue in cheek what I meant What I mean is that the man that exude Traditional values really aren't the large In large metro cities Search blue collared black men on tiktok And read the women's comments Black women are at all at car auctions And Home Depot having the time Of their lives And that's the reality Like I said The bigger, larger kind of Community conversation Is that contempt Right, like the average black woman Thinks she's better than the average black man We have to talk about that We have to deal with that She thinks she's smarter, she thinks she's more educated She thinks she's more articulate She thinks she's more reasonable She thinks she's more hardworking the whole nine So the only way That he can be on my level Is if he makes at least what I make Of the education that I have Or he has something that's comparable Or he's just so far ahead Better than me, and even in those situations A lot of black women Still look at those men with contempt Or you must like white women Or you just wanted them Right, so I think we solve this problem And we kind of bridge this gap With Conversations like this And also a great deal of humility Both sides, and in this case The female delegation to not just Simply dismiss Those blue collar, those screets Those screets men, because those screets men Are some good ass men They are some really good ass men Talk to me Even though I may have seen like I was dismissive To that idea I'm dismissive because I've tried it all And One of those Guys who didn't necessarily speak Elegantly And would use certain words that I would cringe over Was one of the biggest disappointment Of When we in 2023-2022 So I don't know about all of that Sparks milk version I had been taking breaks From dating When it seems like I'm getting the same kind of people So I would take a break And do some introspection Okay What do they all have in common? LC What is it that is causing me to Encounter these men Is it maybe because I Just looking in the wrong places That's possible So then I switched it up After I took Six months off or so And one of the Wholesome men Very country I think he's from Louisiana Met him August Last year And this might Give a little bit more Transparency as to me being conservative My father passed away In November So up until then Thank you So up until then we hadn't been intimate Interactions and dates were at coffee shops Taco Huts like really Casual encounters And so when my father passed away He was checking on me and see how it was doing And I would tell him Today's not a good day X, Y and Z So When it happened three days in a row Where he checked on me and I had the same response He Decided well I'm going to come see You So my thought was That was really nice of him That's what I need right now Someone that I can lean on I first said no But he insisted So he came over So why would it be That within Not even two weeks yet Of my father passing away That it was appropriate to try to have sex with me at that moment That's a good guy Sure Okay let's Break it down How long has you guys been In dialogue and communication August To September We were very consistent Of talking September he took a trip with Like a traveling group Then when he came back October we kind of continued And a lot of this dialogue Was trying to figure out if we were Compatible not just In terms of moral but Lifestyle and what we were looking for We're a year apart And both didn't have kids So it was very casual In terms of No big dates like Taking me to any fancy dates or anything It was just more of let's get to know each other To make sure that this is something we want to do Exclusively And we Hit back up in October And then November Nineteenth was when my father passed So between August mid-August To November we only had Two weeks where we didn't really talk much Because it was out of the country So okay First and foremost Your dad passing Had nothing to do with him wanting to Have sex with you Regardless Was that the moment that he should be No absolutely not But I just want to lay the foundation As a man he wants to have sex with you I think it's important that Women go in with that understanding Maybe And I'm not Saying this is right I'm just trying to reverse engineer His thinking Maybe he thought his chances were Higher since he was in an emotional state That's been a lot of Men's experience So even though he shouldn't have Maybe that's why he tried it I guess my question to you would be Like do you have Do you have those 30 day 60 day 90 day rules Or typically How do you view Taking a relationship from Platonic to sexual Like what How long is that time period For you typically and what typically do you need To see or needs to happen before You make that leap So there's no time frame for me It's more of Comfortability Do we like each other Do we see each other Being in a exclusive relationship Where it would turn into something more That's kind of what I look for But I also look for Consistency in terms of Showing interest If I'm the only one reaching out I'm going to wonder Am I the only one that's interested here And there wasn't anything I could pinpoint one way or the other If he was Just going with the flow Because in person it would seem like He was really into it but when we're Just talking on the phone it seemed Like he was more very distracted So it was kind of hard to determine Where he was at unless we were in person And I wasn't sure If the in person thing Was helpful because He is a visual person I mean he's a man, I get it But no I don't have a time frame I need to know That you're Interested Beyond something that's just casual Did you Communicate this to him prior to this And what was his response He said he was At that place that he was looking To settle down as well But I'm not going to just take that As you want to settle down with me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I mean Words I think Again like I said before None of this is clean cut None of this is simple And I remember Another clip of Kevin Samuels That went viral He was talking to a woman I think she was in her forties And she said that she was Waiting until marriage And she had already had like Three kids and he was like Man you need to get that shit away Go and wait with you until marriage And I think it speaks to I wouldn't be as brash As Kevin Samuels But I think it speaks to The whole situation That you find yourself in Is very unconventional It's very non-traditional And because of that I think you're going to run into A lot of unconventional Non-traditional Men Who At best are going to be like Men who were married previously And Now they're trying to sew Whatever royal hopes they didn't get to Sew because maybe they got married too early So they're not going to be super enthusiastic About jumping back into it Or You're going to run into the men Who never wanted to get married Or only wanted to get married at 45 Which again Is not going to be traditional So to be a woman In a non-traditional paradigm Upholding Traditional Boundaries Is going to be very, very, very difficult But again I think it sounds To me that Because remember I asked you before Is it that You keep choosing the same guy Or That These guys have identified something in you And each of these guys Over time identify something That they don't like I think now it seems to me That it's that you're choosing the same guy Because you haven't given me an example Of a guy who like Yeah he definitely liked me Like all the stories I'm hearing is I don't know if he liked me Or he only liked me over the phone Or he only liked me in person Do you have a story of a guy where He was head over heels over me He clearly liked me But it didn't work out because Yeah I have A couple of examples Okay So It didn't work out with him Because and I knew there's going into it Which I hate using this as an example And this is when I took my first break Actually My second break Okay We dated For Seven, eight months But I knew Prior to us dating He was fresh out of a 14 year Rich Like Very fresh So I looked at him like I'm here dating folk I'm trying to fuck He's trying to do shit Locked away for 14 years I ain't trying to get this guy Goodness But the reason why I even continued dating him Was because I enjoyed The way he treated me And I could tell he actually liked me So and I tell my friends And my family this all the time Like the most Unavailable man treated me the best What the hell Of course she did Of course she did So after things fizzled out With him I took a break The most recent guy that I could tell Really liked me I was not at all attracted to him What is wrong with him He carried A lot of feminine energy I had to plan all the dates I had to Reach out to him and ask him When he wanted to hang out When he would tell me I miss you I would say Oh what are you going to do about it Do you want to see me So he was fishing For compliments And reassurance from me Even the first time we met Was something that was going to continue on But I thought it was maybe Him being nervous Because Why am I planning stuff Continuously Like the conversation went something like Do you have anything planned this weekend And his response was Are you trying to see me or are you just Making conversation Making conversation So then he tells me And he says would you like to see me I'm like Do you want to see me I'm like yeah I like to see I like to meet you in person What's going on would you like to I thought This is in Atlanta Yeah I thought the feeling was mutual And he said yes So finally We planned something but ever since then He was following Malid Mind you he's 44 29 year old son That just got married and he had never been married before So I'm like what What Huh But I could not get past The feeling of me Stepping in the shoes That I needed someone to fill In terms of leadership I I gave him a long time To see if it would change Yeah I would I would have been out the first day Right and I communicated I communicated Not just in voice notes On in person On the phone and text message And I was getting pretty bad advice So I'll say that I was getting pretty bad advice that he Seemed like a good guy I'm like But I don't think he's my guy I guess because he's a good guy Two good people meeting doesn't necessarily Mean they should be together Sure So okay blue sky what outcome do you want Because my next question is What guy fits that outcome Because it might not be the guy that you want Unfortunately I'm scared to answer These are the questions We haven't even gotten to your questions I know I'm excited to see your questions This has been going good so far A confident Gentleman No no no no no Not the guy that you want What outcome do you want I would like to be remarried Okay What timeline Like I want to be remarried in six months In a year and two years Well since I'm not dating anyone right now I can't say six months Okay okay So like a year or two years Yeah Okay cool So with that being said Is your Does your ideal guy Already have kids Does he want kids Ideal guy Yes Well ideally No kids I understand that You said ideally It's a preference Is it a need A need for me is If you're going to have kids It can be multiple baby mothers Okay Okay Okay so I'm going to tell you this Most black men at that age Are either already going to have kids Or they're going to want kids So for the ones that want kids It doesn't matter how perfect they are It's not going to work For those that already have kids There's That added layer of The Like The bureaucracy that they find themselves in With the kids mothers With the kids themselves With the time split and all that good stuff With that being said Where are you willing to Make compromises Like Height Books Religion Like where are the places that you're flexible on Salary Well I don't look at salary I look at the person's character Because I think that says a lot about How You steward the money you make So That's never been on my list That you got to make X somehow I just need you to have a job I've Been Open to height So I don't date Specific Heights all the time Like my ex has How tall are you? I'm 5'4 Okay Yeah, my ex husband was 5'7 So I'm open To different heights What I've found is Some This goes for taller men too Some of the Men who are smaller in stature Lack The confidence that I would need them To have to leave me Hmm I've met Some men who are Very confident at 5'5 But they were Toxic and I could sniff that within like the first Date No I cannot do this But I met a guy He said he was 5'6 So I made sure to wear flats No And we were also going to Walk around at the belt line So I wore flats for that reason too I Feel like he probably lied Because I was looking down at him So that was kind of like a bad taste My mouth that you lied about your height Because if you're 5'6 Why am I looking down at you? And then wearing flats And then just his demeanor in general It felt like I was talking to My little brother And we're the same age So And I attributed that to him Being a teacher and a coach And maybe he was around like He just is that kind of Guy He Yeah So I thought that might be it But I don't want to I'm going to try to keep a PG I don't want to have to be Intoxicated to imagine You on top of me Sure Sure Listen A lot of things that Some guys Have an issue with when it comes to women I understand it just is what it is Like that's the reality You know women Are Biologically in my Understanding predisposed To one a man who In some way shape or form she thinks Is better than him and it sounds Like crass when I say it that way But in order for you to follow Somebody's leadership generally Whether it's a literal somebody you look Up to or somebody that you aspire to Be more like The whole child rearing Childbirth process It's still at the foundation of how we Look at vetting People for relationship and most women Subconsciously think I'm only going to risk my life To clone a man That I see as I think the world needs more of him Right so it makes Sense Before I Before I Feel like I have a lot of Things that I Are Maybe deal breakers for some women That I don't necessarily Hold as a need Salary, height Career My non-negotiable is religion My non-negotiable is having Multiple baby mothers Because like you said the politics Of managing multiple homes I know it's going to be even more time Away from myself and My partner if he has More than one that he's going to have to split time With so I would That would be my preference It's a standard I don't want to have multiple Mothers and I It seems like I either meet men Who only have one Mother Mother of their child Or six Like what? Once you pop out the second one You might as well keep going my boy I mean it is There's something, yeah That's another conversation That's another conversation That's why I mean like it's either One baby mother or six Back to back Like we said you're in Atlanta You're in Black Sodom and Gomorrah To use a biblical reference So that in itself Makes it ten times more difficult For you The competition is really stiff The women outnumber The men So women who have Some of those Attributes that men are looking for on their Side they're going to be At the forefront So you have to make yourself Additionally Competitive So What I guess Describe The guy who fits Your criteria Describe that guy And then I have a follow up question When you say describe Do you mean Both Like describe Matter of fact I want you to get granular Describe what he does for a living How old is he How tall is he I do that I think that like Limits Makes me narrow More narrow minded Because I don't I can tell you I'm trying to define The bull's eye And then from the bull's eye We can extrapolate out He's not exactly this But he's close to it And then I have a follow up So It's hard for me to say career Can I give you the career I would Prefer he didn't have Sure Sure Alright so If I had to pick height Had to At least 5'10 I train At least 5 times a week So Someone that I can train with No I'm not Trapping for bodybuilding competition Nor do I require the guy I'm dating to do as well But someone that enjoys lifting If you don't enjoy lifting something Close to Ensuring that your body Is being kept up Especially if I'm going to be dating Men in the older range Speaking of age I would prefer 40 and up 40 to 48 I don't necessarily want to go too high Because I don't I don't I want to be able to grow With the person I'm with I want to also enjoy Some intimacy with the guy I'm with Because I know the older you get as a man The less that's going to be frequent That kind of job I would prefer You don't have Is anything In the entertainment industry And that includes athlete Coach Music Acting He's not going to be an athlete at 40 He might be a coach He might be a former athlete Definitely not a coach What's wrong with coaches? I was married to someone That was very closely related To a coach He was an athletic trainer So I know the kind of time That takes away I'm so friendly with a lot of the coaches' wives And I hear the horror stories And There's a lack of oneness With their spouse I know that Okay Don't necessarily Mind the prestigious African Professions that your parents tell us To do as far as Doctor, lawyer, engineer Nurse I don't mind it That's not something That's going to sell me on you Okay, great You're smart That's awesome Religion Christian saved That actually reads the Bible Doesn't use it as a weapon To manipulate Because there's a lot of fat going on Which I think puts a bad Paint a bad picture Of People who are Christians Someone that Can pray for me Especially since I've lost both of my parents That was another thing That was considering with the guy That tried to have sex with me It wasn't So that's also important to me What else? When it comes to family How close He is with his family I don't necessarily think One is better than the other Because there are certain families that Yeah, they're close knit But there's a lot of toxicity there Some Are close knit because they actually genuinely love each other And have that community Which is great, but if you don't have that I'm not going to hold that against you because Sometimes you do need To cut off certain family members But to know More about that And see how you are With Reconciling that relationship Yeah What am I missing? I am very big on character I am very big on making sure That you As a man actually like A woman Not just because you're attracted to them Sexually, but because you actually Value what a woman can bring to you Versus What's going on in the world right now Sure And I pay attention to How you treat other people Who don't necessarily Affect your bottom line With its Service workers People on the street Speaking of street, I would like for you to know How to protect me Like Don't let me Walk on the outside Of the crosswalk where I'm facing The oncoming traffic Just little things like that Shivery is very important to me Okay, so this guy He exists Yeah If I was interviewing him Describe And I asked him the same question To describe his ideal woman What do you think he would describe Who do you think he would describe Fit, feminine And Well Now you have to Tell me what that means to you Fit, feminine and friendly Yeah So fit, I think fit is the easiest one Like somebody whose Their BMI makes sense And for their height and all that good stuff Feminine and friendly I think is what A lot of people have the hardest time with So what does that mean to you? I think friendly is just When someone tries to talk to you You don't like Sum them, like Yes, how can I help you Or just be willing to turn To them and be respectful If If they ask you a question That you don't necessarily know the answer to You're offended by something I don't think it's feminine To rebuttal With a snarky remark I think it's feminine And friendly just to say Excuse me And remove yourself from the situation Versus trying to assert Whatever dominance you have As a woman in that situation So I think it's Really the opposite Or The anti-masculine That we see a lot Being easily offended I don't think it's feminine Being easily I don't want to say triggered Because that's different Being on guard And Being able to relax Because I think that's where a lot of people Just are Friendly Friendly means Even Something as stupid as Seeing that There's a spill on the floor At a grocery store And you don't want anyone to slip up and fall So you alert someone Hey, does someone clean it up? Or put a caution sign down I used to work at a grocery store So I look at stuff like that too Very random Friendly again The African in me I don't know Is Opening the doors for your elders I don't mind Opening a door For someone that's older than me Or even getting up Or someone If you're riding a train at the airport Getting up when you see someone Older to sit down I think that's friendly Seeing Approachable, smiling I think there's just A An air about someone that is Friendly versus someone That is guarded and has the wrestling This bitch face, so to speak And Go ahead I think feminine is Part of that being friendly as a woman Are there Some challenges You think that this hypothetical Guy would have with you Yes Sure I'm not perfect What comes to mind What are some things that come Like the top of mind when it comes to that Because he might be watching this We got 89 people watching right now It'll probably get a thousand views In a day or two Her IG I added her IG To the bottom of her name Let's talk about it I just alluded to it Not too long ago I lost my father In the year before that I lost my mom In the year before that I went through divorce So I've had to Endure a lot of losses Very quickly And To add to it I'm the oldest So I don't have anyone To lean on My sister leans on me And now she's married I can have some breathing room But I don't have anyone to lean on And so There may be a little bit Of resistance When it comes to Letting someone in Initially Because I want to feel safe And I don't know if that's something That Happens just from The basic interaction with someone I think that comes over time I have a tendency To What's the word? I've become Hypersensitive To certain things So When Why do you laugh? Oh my god I think we're getting To the core of some things Hypersensitivity is something That's come up before But keep going, I'm sorry I am Hypersensitive To Not being seen Or my point being dismissed When I Express A concern or a feeling I have And I guess Where possible I don't know if it's a barrier But I've heard it been Brought up before Is Culturally Being Ghanaian, yeah I haven't been Home in a while But to the core I'm still Ghanaian I still speak the language I still have a lot of cultural Aspects about me My great aunt and uncle that live About an hour and a half from me Very Ghanaian So when I go For family dinners And they're grilling me I could just imagine What that's going to look like For whoever I date Who doesn't necessarily Who isn't already Ghanaian Or From Africa Or woke I don't want to say woke Because I feel like that comes with a negative connotation And And I think it's getting Better now but I think people are being a little Bit more Receptive and respectful Of other people But I don't know if that's Something that's going to come up again And that's also part of my Hypersensitivity Okay, okay Before I read this Super chat by Afro Disciple I want you to Answer the question What do you think is your competitive advantage? I'm fit Friendly and feminine No That's That's generic Like what is your like Little Competitive advantage I think in my age group Not having children Hmm Give me one more thing Because that depends on who you ask Give me one more thing Okay Do you have siblings? I do So Total I have three siblings I met my step-siblings about eight years ago So I am Definitely wise Beyond my years so to speak But I also got parentified Very early on I don't know if that's an advantage But I would say my cooking Okay Okay now we're talking Okay I only bring that up because Like when you said Or I'll only ask you for a different one Because to some men That might actually be A A cause for Apprehension May I ask why? I think maybe Some men might assume That you are selfish Or that you might And that's why I asked if you had siblings Like You know some women have this princess syndrome Of like the world revolves around me And everybody and everything Exists to serve me And You see that sometimes With women who don't have kids That's why I wanted to clear up Are you Like a princess Or is it just Maybe some decisions were made Because you know But I think any reasonable guy Is going to Is going to be curious Okay I am definitely not a princess Um I think And I've heard this from some of my Co-workers Who are also Ganyan Who are also the oldest Also The girl And I um We were having a conversation because She had just moved to Atlanta from New Jersey And she has Three brothers She was telling me about how her parents Kept like Talk about how Her and her partner weren't married yet Why it was going to take so long Because they were looking for grandkids And I asked her if she wanted me And she said honestly I'm tired I've been a parent since I was five I'm like girl I'm a parent since I was seven So No one really talks about The exhaustion that comes with Not being able to be a Kid You were forced to be a parent Very early on So How would you respond to Afro Disciples Um He says what's sad is she's stunning And would be a lot of men's type But they are invisible to her Unless she's insane it makes No sense that she's single Let's focus on the your stunning part So shout out to Michael For the 499 Super Chat He says you look too good To be single so something Must be wrong with you so what is Wrong with you You And I will actually push back A little bit that Because I may Thank you for the compliment Because I look the way I look The assumption is I'm taken so no one's Watching me So I'm invisible To men who want me But I'm also invisible period Because I Looked at like oh She's taken And That conversation came up While I was at the gym with one of my new Gym buddies He was shocked Like I don't know what to tell you So do you think there are Any things you can be doing to To help mitigate some of that Like we talked about earlier Smiling more things like that Because unfortunately I mean it's not fair But unfortunately you're going to have to do Something different I did a lot of things different And if anything I think If anything It hurt my confidence Because I had been dropping handker chips No one is picking it up But I don't know If the ones I'm dropping the handker chips to Are taking themselves Some guys may Not be wearing their wedding rings if they're married So I don't know It's possible I'm hoping the handker chips To people who are taking Let me read some of these super chats And then we'll transition to your questions For me So Afro Disciple again He says Men compromise for more than women We won't sacrifice harmony And happiness for excitement They will Alright Shout out to rinse again He says don't wait drop the handker chip Shout out to Joel Sam just became a member Welcome brother Shout out to Mr. Smith He says valley girl in quotes Typically means you're bougie When I say valley girl I think like Oh my god Hi Because that's what I sounded like In high school and college So it didn't People didn't feel like it was organic I imagine They didn't feel like it was organic Because I'm black I think that's part of it To be honest with you I think that's part of it The pattern has never changed Obviously I just like exaggerated that But like when you think of valley girl From like clueless That's why I'm not bougie Yeah I mean to be fair In some sense it's the same for Black men Where like you know We have certain expectations Of us you know to be A bit more street rugged whatever And it hurts Some of our prospects especially earlier In life so Yeah I'm sure a lot of guys can empathize Maybe not with the valley girl side But maybe the Oreo piece Shout out to Ebert With the $20 silver chat He says great stuff Keep it up Thank you Alright Again if y'all want to support the stream Please hit the cash app Also the best way you can support is To get your ticket for the $100 the link is In the about page So Elsie It's your turn Talk to me what are your Questions concerns Maybe I can help Clarify some aspects Of black masculinity For you I am curious to know What kind of High school or college Student you were Like what brought you yourself In In high school I was a football player But I didn't really do Anything as far as Like go to parties and things like That But it was partly Because I didn't really want to And the other part was like A lot of my friends Weren't At school And a lot of them were older than me So I ended up doing older people stuff Early, like I was in a strip club When I was 15 So I wasn't as Impressed with a lot of the things That people were So flabbergasted by In high school or even in college In college I was really involved Like I ran the AXEP I started We need to talk So a lot of people knew who I was But I was I've always been a guy that The quote on quote popular kids Knew who I was But I didn't care about being one of them In college however I think because of my status I was considered A popular kid But again I was never Saw it out People kind of came to me So have you From your vantage point Seen How Maybe the nerdy black kid Was overlooked In high school or in college A thousand percent For me I think my challenge Maybe not in high school Because I had gotten really good at blending in But like elementary school Middle school I was Fresh off the boat I came to this country when I was 8 So my accent was still pretty heavy I didn't understand the slang I didn't understand hip hop culture So I wasn't desirable But I also noticed Like the type of people who Got attention from the girls And the type of people who didn't I think my only Advantage Is like I didn't As much as maybe other guys I didn't base my Worth on my ability to pull women So it didn't I don't have the horror stories Of like getting rejected because I didn't try Right But then in high school Or in college Any girl that I wanted And I actually tried I got them But I can also have the Wherewithal and I guess the Kind of Self awareness That if I had tried before I understood What was going on I would have failed I would have failed miserably So I empathize with both sides Actually What kind of girls Were the nerdy guys Being rejected by I'm going to talk about the nerdy black guys To be honest with you like this whole New movement I'm seeing of like Nerdy black girls I didn't see it back in a day At least when I was in like elementary School middle school and maybe Like I'll even admit maybe I had a Blind spot but like All these girls who are now like interested In Dragon Ball Z And Pokemon and all that stuff I don't remember that In my experience Right So yeah we just Like other guys we just wanted The prettiest girl Point blank It wasn't about her status It was just about the fact that she was pretty In my case I ended up And I tell this story I ended up dating My senior of high school I ended up dating the girl that I had wanted Since Seventh grade And I think a lot of my Disposition towards women Now And the fact that I humanize them Now is like I Early on did not humanize women Like I thought she was Like God Took the day off And he made her separately And he just dropped her gracefully And then I got close enough to her to know that That's not true Like that's not true And I always encourage every guy Maybe not to have that same Experience but to make those same considerations Like everything that glitters is not gold Sometimes It's glittering because it's toxic It's acidic Right And I think that was my What people call my red pilling This person that I had pedestalized And I'd come up with all these delusions Of grandeur as to who she was Wasn't really the case But yeah Yeah Yeah So I'm curious Is it the And I'm basing this off of What I'm hearing And what I'm seeing The assumption is The nerdy kid Was a good kid Was a good guy Because he wasn't getting any play In high school and college Now he has Become successful And so the women that he did Want now that they're Quote unquote run through Want a good guy now And they usually pan to The nerdy kid Why is that the perception Automatically because he's nerdy That he's good Because I mean I don't know this for I don't think it's true for black nerdy kids But if you think about The school shootings Isn't it by the kids that are being bullied Because they're nerdy I mean five months after I moved to the United States Columbine happened And I remember thinking What did I move to So I'm curious What is the perception That all nerdy kids are automatically good I can't Speak to white people Because I think white people are completely Different beasts So I would just keep this In a black room I think And I've been Called purple pill for this Stance but The same lack of Awareness And the same Entitlement That We hear a lot of men complain That women have A lot of men have as well And Nobody has ever actually Snatched them up and said You didn't qualify for her back then Right Like there's this There's this expectation That If I'm nice to a girl If I buy her two and a half flowers And take her on three and a half days She's supposed to do X, Y, and Z The reality is that People don't work like that And women in particular don't work like that Like what's the saying Men fall in love with what they see Women fall in love with what they hear A lot of men unfortunately And I'm not saying it's necessarily Their fault That's part of the game So they have those expectations of The girls in middle school, the girls in high school To want them Or to have acknowledged them Or to have prioritized them because They were quote unquote nice Without realizing that that is That goes against women's pathology Like women don't care about nice They care about survival And the indicators of survival are Some of these superficial things That we're mature enough now to say Comparing people but in middle school In high school, that's kind of what it is Nigga who got bitches got bitches because He was six foot, he was the captain Of the football team, like that's how it is And I encourage men to get to the point Where they can look back on their failures And acknowledge the fact that That's what they deserved But unfortunately I think Some of the People that we see Remain in this red pill rage stage Are the ones who felt a sense of entitlement And I think part of that is like Hollywood Right, like you You chose to treat that A lot of that is also like A resentment towards their mothers Because unfortunately As a father, I'm going to tell my boy Like nah bro, like being nice to her Is not how you get her But unfortunately their moms Are like in their thirties and in their forties And are grooming them to be a perfect boy For 30 and 40-year-old women Who's calmed down and who actually understands Value, but it doesn't work on the 16-year-old It doesn't work on the 15-year-old girl Who just got titties She's getting DM'd by everybody But nobody ever tells them that So that resentment That is really towards their mother Really towards their situation It now gets bubbled out Towards women in general Like women should have been more Should have been more women The reality is, no they shouldn't have They're in line with how they're supposed to be Now with all that being said Women should still get to the point Of maturity of understanding that Gravity and age is going to take away All these goodies that I have So I need to be a bit more intelligent With how and who I give it to Which I think then Begs a different conversation But But yeah I think The Nerds who glowed up And who actually like Had the self-awareness Can now look back and say that no I wouldn't have known what to do with her At 16 That's the reality Not necessarily saying that I should Take her with open arms now at 30 When she's got five kids But the reality is like I didn't qualify for her At 16 just like she doesn't qualify for me now So And I think A lot of what's happening now Is just a scenario Right So We look at the Worst case scenario In a lot of situations Like you said The 30-year-old that has five kids Versus a 30-year-old Who doesn't have kids I think The reason why And I don't subscribe to this But I think the reason why Are saying that they want the reformed Thugs Is because Our experience is A lot of men want Mother Teresa That's also a stripper So as a man You evolve into that by growing up And maturing And aging Typically That evolution typically happens For some women too Quote-unquote Bad girl that became A good girl or calm down But that also comes with age So I walk away Do we meet each other in the middle Where we're giving each other grace Because we're both Kind of asking For similar things But Are supposed to have all of that In their early 20s because that's when They're the most desirable But men take their time to get there Yeah Once again It's not fair That's the answer again Listen It's not fair I'm sure there are a lot of guys Who would trade Whatever they've been I'm not going to say a lot There are some guys who would trade whatever status They've been able to Achieve now in their 40s To be quote-unquote That guy in high school I'm sure there are a larger number Of men who are quote-unquote That guy in high school Who now work at their local factory Who would trade all that To be that guy At 40 The reality is Life's not fair The reality is Some people Just like we talked about some people At least some people Some people's time Doesn't necessarily come When they would want it I think the challenge for women in particular Is women have to be a bit more Considerate With their youth Since youth Is such a big part Of women's curriculum Youth isn't a big part Of men's curriculum Because everything that men are evaluated on Gets better with age Money You get more money as you get older Wisdom You get wiser as you get older Even the masculine Regal disposition Beards, it comes with age So One of the Unfortunate advantages That Older men have compared to older women Is like Society is deeming you more valuable Whereas it deemed her more valuable When you weren't valuable Like young men are only good To be disposed of at war Young women Are supple, their breasts are supple And their skin is tight And all that good stuff They can give you a lot of sons A lot of daughters and a whole nine So I think it's in that intermediary time Like I would say like between 25 and 35 Where You know Men and women can have that equitable Conversation of You're not at your peak yet Man But I know you're going in that direction And you're out of your peak Woman But you're still in a good spot Because anything outside of that It gets really really difficult Because you're dealing with people With an immense amount of baggage Just like we alluded to before Like As a man it would be a challenge to Be with the woman who had been previously married As a woman It's going to be a challenge being with a man I mean it's the reality As a woman it would be Even the example you gave The guy who was married 15 years One of the things that comes along With that is like he's not going to want To jump in another marriage Looking at all these women that he couldn't touch Or do nothing with for 15 years And then you understand male pathology Mail psychology Mail physiology Yeah he's probably going to be a great dude Probably a wonderful dude Maybe in the next 5-10 years He might be ready to spin a block Or do something again You know so It's one of those like give and take things That you have to do as a man And as a woman I will say this I think unfortunately though The prevailing social narrative And I think it has a lot to do with like Theater Movies and shit Is that you don't have to make those Accommodations You don't have to make those considerations I got out of my First marriage and I met my next husband Two weeks later that type of shit Is what they make movies about Not the reality of Your situation The reality of Yeah it's not the kid who was popular in high school Who's still popular now No it's the kid that everybody overlooked No it's not the girl who Look good in high school The girls who look good in my high school They look like shit now And the girls that we probably didn't see They're the baddies now What did Mufasa say to circle of life Circle of life Circle of cloud It comes with it And it's not something that I think we need to Fight again to be angry at It's something we need to acknowledge Understand and you know Finesse What else do I have on you Let me read The Super Chat by Afro Disciple He says it's not entitlement It's response to being lied to Men are good at following the rules If they stay consistent The goalpost was always moving You know and I agree And you know Even when he says being lied to I understand that More so culturally Than interpersonally Because the reality is as a culture we lie to boys We told boys That if you're nice and if you're kind And if you're sweet That you'll have good outcomes The world does not reward men For being nice kind or sweet That's the reality So we're receiving these conflicting messages And unfortunately Some men Never get to the point where they Can Kind of call a spade a spade and be like You know what, that's true They still are tethered To those expectations And they're now angry At the world for never rewarding Them for Being those things Instead of acknowledging that The world doesn't reward anybody For being those things So I know you like using The football analogy Of Cam Newton's career Versus Tom Brady's For women Where It's better to be chosen In the What was it, the 97th round Or whatever round he was chosen For longevity purposes It's a two part question Can that Analogy Be used for The quote And quote nerdy kid Black kid, nerdy black kid That had to wait To grow into Whatever, if it's his confidence His looks, his success To be able to have access To the women that he wanted When he was in college And then this second part To that question is What Are I don't want it Seems pessimistic But again It doesn't seem like The Good girls Conservative girls Are Being picked From what I'm seeing Because We All want to be chosen good or bad girls And the reason why I love good girls May start looking like The city girls or bad girls Is because we understand Aesthetically Men are attracted to The exterior So it's like Yeah, we're focusing too much On being picked but not retention But what's What can we do instead if We Look too much like the city girls So we're not going to be picked regardless Does that make sense? I'm going to answer based on What I think you're asking Kind of like we said I've said it A bunch of other dudes have said it That the hoes look too Similar to the good girls The good girls look too much like the hoes And I think that's a consequence Of The culture I think The things that We're celebrating now As a culture and I think more specifically Women Are things that are counterproductive For women Right, I think This whole female empowerment Is going too far I think also Because females are Socialized to be more communal Women Tend to not challenge the status quo Right, like I've interviewed Women and they would say Like when I would ask them Why didn't you call your friend out Or why didn't you hold her accountable Or whatever the case may be Would have probably gotten to a fight and fell out Right, like men can Squabble And move forward Women tend to not have that ability Women tend to hold grudges And all kinds of stuff So I think Because of that Women Generally have accepted Those aesthetics and even try to make sense of them Even if it's not Something that she personally Subscribes to I would say Again Focus on the outcomes that you want Because the reality is These BBL having IG models They're not getting wiped up either Right, so Simply having That isn't going to Get you the outcome that you want For some women the outcome that they want Is just to be the sexiest thing on Instagram Just to have the notoriety Just to be able to Homie hop or rapper hop or athlete hop And that's cool But if you're a woman who's saying I want a certain outcome Then at some point Yeah, you might have to Put on the same costume And when I say costume I mean like makeup And hair To attract the guy But also you should be Cognizant of what type of guy Are you trying to attract If you're trying to attract the same guy That the IG models are trying to attract You might want to re-evaluate Things So once you decide on the type of guy That you're trying to attract And then you do what's necessary to attract him All your energy should be on retention And that's where the My whole Idea of Tom Brady versus Cam Newton Or It's a shame That more women Do not listen or Seek out Or Keep up with or admire Savannah James The women that Women tend to follow Especially in a contemporary sense in our culture are the Ari Lennox's And the Jada Wada's Women who are only famous for being The Rapper baby mamas But the women who have been able to actually Sustain Relationships with Men of Let me use the Nigerian term Women seem to not care About what they have to say A couple months ago A lot of women were Put off by Michelle Obama Michelle Obama For saying that For about 10 years of her marriage She didn't really like a Barack No Because again, so many women Are sold this fairy tale of If it ain't this, this, and this If it ain't a fairy tale, I don't want it When the reality of people Who are doing the thing that you claim to want to do Is not a pretty one But you want all the things All the good things that come with Being John James's wife Or being Barack Obama's wife But you want none of the sacrifice You want none of the challenges And everything like that And so they Keep themselves in this cycle Of Simple 10 men Because they know in those situations They have control Right, so I think for a woman who's actually serious She needs to just evaluate Once, why is it that she wants it Where does she need to be To get it And The attraction part Is not going to be tough But then just focus all her energy On, okay, I've gotten this man That I want This man that might not be The immediate first Choice for this IG model How do I keep him And it's not going to be perfect I wish it was, but it's not As far as retention Is that why And I hate this question Is that why Men Ask the question Of what you bring to the table To assess whether or not you have the ability To retain Or keep that Relationship going with them So I was never really a fan Of the what you bring to the table question But I understand Why men ask it The reason men ask it Is because In a contemporary sense Men Are required By the female delegation to be a lot of things And while More things are being added To that list Things are systematically Being taken away from Women's requirements Like there's a question that I Asked some of my interviewees Are men today better than their grandfathers Based on what women are asking for Some women say no Most women say yes And then I ask Are women today better than their grandmothers Based on what Men are asking for Most men would say no But again The kind of popular sense Is that You're supposed to take me as I am You're supposed to love me as I am I am enough It doesn't matter if you think I'm valuable I think I'm valuable And then the response to The what you bring to the table is I am the table But I think the underlying thing is How dare you question my worth Of your life You're supposed to assume that I'm worthy Which is tough For men, especially black men Who have to fight against the assumption That we are nefarious And we're unworthy Most men are starting off From having to prove that they are A good person I think generally to society Because black men have been branded a certain way But especially to our women So I think Maybe In an unsophisticated way Men are just saying that For everything you're expecting me to be For you What are you willing to be For me And step one takes Step one requires you to even Sit with A consideration of What is it that men want Most women never think about that And the reason, like I said earlier The reason Kevin Samuels was so Polarizing Bless you The reason he was so polarizing was He was the first time for a lot of men Even some married men That they saw a man Have the audacity to Set a standard for women Publicly And then hold women to that standard And hold women to the light Oh, you're 5'4", you're 300 pounds You weigh more than Every man your height But you expect a man who's a top 1% dude, it doesn't make Sense So I think, again, that whole What do you bring to the table thing, like Men weren't really asking, well I bring A car and I bring a job No, men were asking, have you Considered what men want Have you considered What would be complimentary For all the things That you're expecting from me And unfortunately most women have not And I think that's where A lot of us go wrong When it comes to dating Because you're supposed to be collecting Data in terms of who Is sitting across from you But It just becomes So Transactional seemingly When the first question you ask Is what do I bring And For me it's insulting Because And I could be wrong I don't think Non-black women hear that question They don't, they probably don't So I think that's That's where I Get Offended when that question is asked Because I understand what you're trying to Accertain is whether or not You're the kind of woman I want To be in my company There are other ways of finding that out Like ask me where I'm from What I like to do for fun What's my perfect day Off etc like Not what Have you ever listened To men talk about their horror stories Of women, like dating women Um Maybe a male friend Or Podcasts Yeah I hear A lot of the Extreme examples Um And there's a specific archetype Of those women that Think men have been talking Um or Express their horror stories about Hmm Seemingly I can Agree with that I think generally though Women don't Realize The level of entitlement That most men are Met with Yes outside And I think I say that to say that Even this What do you bring to the table Is less than five years old This Is just a glimpse Of what The bulk of men have experienced For a For decades Right and I'm not saying It's right or you should endure it But I'm hoping It inspires women Who actually want men And actually see the value of men To Take a step back And consider Some of the Experiences of men And consider male pathology Because again I think Part of the problem Is that we are socialized to view Men as simpletons We're socialized to think men are no Better than what they can do For me and how good they make me feel And all I have to do in return is Have sex with them Like even consider how we look at Mother's Day versus Father's Day Mother's day we need to Get her a spa day that we need to take On a trip and we need to get a nice Mother's day we need to buy them a tool Or a tie or a sock Like we don't actually We're not socialized to see Men as people We see men as tools And I'm not saying It's necessarily women's fault Because we don't do a good enough job as men Portraying ourselves as people Because every part of masculinity Is about being super man It's being impervious to pain Being willing to sacrifice yourself For the greater good or for whatever So I think there's a lot More unpacking That needs to happen but I think What I would like to see from the Female delegation is An opportunity This provides an opportunity For women to start viewing Or considering the world from a male perspective What is it like As a man to date me And that means Not just my good Because that's cool But like my bad Like my quarks The things that are annoying as fuck about me The things that If I was a dude Would piss me off and not want Or make me not want to spend time with you That's why I always I recommend women who really want to understand men It's going to hurt But go listen to Patrice O'Neill That's the comedic side If you want to get Academic Dr. T. S. O. Johnson Dr. Tommy Curry These are men who Who are trying to Formalize The study of black men Because there are a lot of nuances That we see with men Especially black men That get dismissed as toxic Or childish or whatever the case may be But it comes from a really deep place But there's not that sense of curiosity Unfortunately from the female delegation To really Unpack that and get to the nuts and bolts of it Because the reality is In order for Us to get what we want from you We have to understand you If I want to get pussy I have to at least have a work Maybe not even a deep one But a working understanding of female pathology Oh she wants me to say this At this point she wants me to do this At this point she wants me to look like this Men constantly Even the whole manuscript started with pickup artistry Men constantly Have to study women Because a lot of our self-esteem And a lot of our social status Is intrinsically tied to our ability To Will women or ability to be attractive To the largest number of women On the flip side Women don't necessarily have that same Pressure especially beautiful women Because they just have to Get back and accept what comes So I think what could set Women who are serious Apart is Gaining that deep Nuanced Understanding of who men actually are And you're not going to like some of it I'm going to be honest with you Some of you are going to be like ah damn Men are horrible people But I don't like some of this shit about women But I have to take the go with the bad So I'm conflicted Because And it could just be because Of where I live Atlanta's horrible Atlanta's horrible Some of my subscribers are in Atlanta And I have to tell them No offense to you but Atlanta Atlanta's trashed I don't like it From my vantage point It doesn't seem to be the case Now where men are Putting in any kind of effort though So The studying What women want To even get close to them Or to even get the cookie From the cookie jar There's nothing Being Um There's no pursuit Why do you think that is Because Of the sexual liberation Women just giving in a way Thinking that that's Going to guarantee them Attention from the man that they want Um It's Seemingly Not Something that Men or women Feel is Sacred anymore I'll take it a step further I think Again my subscribers know this Even though I was never really like a super fan of Passport bros I definitely was not a fan of Save Yourself Black Man I think Or I wish Black women had engaged in that conversation More earnestly I wish black women had asked the question Where are these men going And why I wish Black women's reflex Was not to simply Insult and dismiss these men But To self reflect Because again Whether I say it Whether anybody else says it We have to deal with the fact that No other man Globally is running to America to find a wife It was coming to America And that was about it And he only did that because he was confused He thought queens meant that's where queens live But the reality is Not the African man Not the Asian man Not the European man No man globally is running to the United States To find a wife You can extrapolate that out Unless they want papers You can extrapolate that out and say the west So the UK So The popular narrative Is because Men are used to being Their women And the western women is liberated And you can't dominate us You can't tell us what to do So only weak men are staying away from us Like and Sure But at the end of the day if you want A man I think as a woman You need to engage in Why that is You need to engage in why Even though Western women are More Open to having sex And being sexual Eastern women are where the men Are going Because the thing is I Was talking about this The other day I went to the explore page Which is a mistake for A young man trying to get his life together And you see these women now The explore page is showing me South African women And it's like Still We're not seeing a huge funnel of men Going there to find wives So we need to start putting these things On the table, okay Ass gets you X amount of points Face gets you X amount of points Tities gets you X amount of points Sex appeal gets you X amount of points Fit, feminine, friendly gets you X amount of points And I think unfortunately What I'm seeing happen is A lot of women are unwilling to even engage In that analysis because They're not willing to dismantle themselves And humble themselves And therefore because of their poor understanding They're over indexing On the thing that They think men should value And ignoring what men actually value So you know You're in the gym and your coach is saying Oh, Elsie You've done enough legs, you need to work your upper body Your legs are strong enough You need to work your upper body You can barely do two push ups And then he come in the gym The next day and you over there doing squats He come in the day after You over there doing dead lifts And you're like, well Fuck my arms, I care about my legs And you should care about my legs too You know, so I think What would help is if women understood That men are the consumers of their Womanness Just like women are the consumers of their manness And I I see more so Men Bending themselves To the whims of women And women Are getting further and further away From Even engaging with what men want At the very least At the best, they'll engage with what Chris Brown wants Or Michael B. Jordan, like those men Who are way out of their league Who sit on our TV Or I want to be sexy for future Well, you'll never meet them Or even if you do, the best you'll get is his dick And then get mad at the 90% of men Who are just saying, I want a good woman Who I'm happy to come home to every day Right, so that's what I Wish came out of These Sometimes abrasive conversations on the internet Like women Taking a step back and self-reflecting Because the thing that I've been saying Is like The passport bros on the internet care The counter-intuitive is hell but they care Because I know real passport bros But one of my boys right now He probably is still in Colombia He don't say shit He gets bitches here too But he just Those are the ones that you need to be careful of The ones who don't talk about it They don't even know the term passport bro But when it's time for them to Decide who they're going to take care of For the rest of their life, they're not looking at you You know, so I want to see some of these conversations Kind of evolve And get away from Just Stroking our egos or keeping Ourselves comfortable and engaging With the realities of what We want and who we need to become To get what we want And I think as a black man it's particularly frustrating Because we see our women Bend and contort themselves In all kinds of ways To submit to corporate America For whatever reason Or to submit to academia For whatever reason, you don't see enough value in us To even consider What it is that we're saying We want you to be for us But we're still expected to Potentially risk our lives Protecting or providing I know you got more questions But I was trying to ruminate On what you just said Take your time I'll give you like two more And then we'll We'll wrap up Because we've been going for three hours I don't know if you've realized it I do this So I understand the sweets The conversation Sweets We got to sleep Right Let's see I think we actually Answered my question In conversation somehow Oh please Ooh I think this is a good one To close out Give it to me So the notion That Nice guys finish last Is it possible That nice girls or good girls Finish last too I never liked nice guys finish last Because I don't think it's true I agree Yeah I don't think it's true And The reason I don't think it's true is Like A lot of quote unquote nice people Think that relationships are transactional So like I alluded to earlier If I take you on X amount of dates Or you X amount of flowers And I do X amount of things You're supposed to da da da da So there's that baked in entitlement And I think women sense that And I think that's what's off Putting about quote unquote nice men That Along with the fact that If you're going to lead me Like I remember A couple months ago I said Two challenge men And if I had to refine that I would say women are built to stress Test men If you're going to lead me I am going to Whether consciously Or unconsciously Create A curriculum For you And a test For you For tech But then we have to test it Does it work in this scenario That scenario And women I think innately understand this If I'm going to put my life in this man's hands At the very least He should be able to stand up to me At the very least He should be able to navigate Tolerate my bullshit Listen And that's what I've tried To introduce to this conversation There are no simple Clean cut answers We are messy People humanity is Is We're walking contradictions Right So with all that being said Nice Is not something that's going to be Attractive To 99.9% of women Women are looking for a kind man Women are looking for a man Who is going to Not just Protect me from the world But also protect me from myself A yes man can't protect you from yourself A man who is Overly enamored by you Might not be able to Identify Or call out Some of your Self-destructive or counterproductive Behaviors So I can't respect him He's not seeing me He's seeing my representative Or he's seeing His idealized version of me Right and that's why good guys Don't do well with women Guys get put in the friend zone Because women want And again this is one of those counter-tuitive things That I had to learn Women want to be Loved dirty Loved dirty. What I mean by that is There's a song by LMA I think it's called Love Me Naked But she talks about like She wants a man to love her For her and things like that And not the representative That she sends out into the world With makeup and with the hair With the outfits and things like that Like I ask I ask women for instance Let's say you have two men One man You are He doesn't know any of your dirt You are lying to You know you are keeping A certain facade For him going And then another man He knows all your secrets He knows the deep dirty Corners of you and your heart And your brain and your pathology And your eroticism and the whole nine And you're completely honest and 100% With that guy Of those two men who do you love more You can answer it if you like And then I'll tell you what other women said So I did both with my ex-husband I'm being honest When did you feel the most Free Protected At ease I didn't Explain What do you mean by that So I guess the representative Of me, right That was easier to keep up Because We were a long distance First So when we moved In together We lived in the same Home A lot of things start kind of Automatically Coming to the forefront For example, him seeing my natural hair And his reaction From when I went from my natural hair To getting a soul in Like three or four months later Because I was trying to save money I knew From moving from State to state It was going to put a huge detriment Financially So to cut costs There were certain things that I didn't do With my Upkeep that was easier When we were a long distance Nails, my hair, makeup Stuff like that So And I had even asked him How would you feel Seeing me with my natural hair And his response was Welcome, I thought it was great Like okay cool So that was me getting more comfortable You know seeing the not so pleasant Part of me personally That's why I felt at the time Because it was still A new wave of A lot of black women wearing their natural Hair out so I was getting a lot of feedback Positive feedback from You guessed it White people None from him His sister made a comment Thought it was really nice His mom made comments here and there The moment I Was able to afford Comfortably a sew-in for my birthday Oh you look pretty again So I'm thinking Was he gonna No, he was African American I think With the hair thing it's a bit more complex Because it takes a certain level Of consciousness to have an appreciation Of that White people appreciating and that's just novelty And that's just like Fetishization so it's not the same As him But the vast majority Of women When they talk about Wanting to feel protected They're also talking about Permission To be themselves Right so I imagine You didn't feel protected You didn't feel safe To be you Even in your relationship Like the answer to that question Let's say you had a side dude Who loved your natural hair Let's say He loved you naked As the song goes You would have loved him more That's opposite for men But again It goes back to some of those Counter-intuitive truths That differentiates Men from women And I'm trying to encourage Men to understand some of those From a female perspective And encourage women To understand some of those From a male perspective as well Wait so you're saying Men Lies To use that same To use that same analogy Guy has two women One he lies to, one he tells the truth Yeah The one he loves more Is the one he lies to Unfortunately Because again we don't view Safe through the same way So like to bring it back to the whole Nice guy thing Since the nice guy Is in love with His Idealized Version Of you You can never feel safe with him Because you know that's not you You know that That weave that he thinks is your hair Isn't actually your hair The makeup that he thinks is your skin Isn't actually your skin And There is a Because at women's core And again it's one of those counter-intuitive things At women's core they're pleasers And I think Intuitively You can never please him You can only disappoint him Because you can never live up to his expectation Of you Now with Nice girls I think it's a bit Different Really I think it's a bit different I think a perfect example is Their Jackson's wife Ex-wife's name What is it Dinea She's just And She A lot of nerdy girls Are Growing old It's a disadvantage Unfortunately We have to call a spade a spade So either you improve your social skills Or you find a guy who appreciates it But I think Also the thing with Dinea Is like she just wasn't With a good dude Point blank period But on top of that She was Seemingly one-dimensional And as he grew And as he Got Access and status He didn't think he could Probably didn't think he could share that with her Because she was just a helmet of Salvation God is this type of person So Yeah, so Men aren't looking for women to be as Dynamic as women are looking for men To be But we still like some range Just like we say Ladies in the streets freaking the sheets We still like a little bit of range Hold up Women are Asked to be more dynamic Not as much as men are Not as much as men are I think the Most is like freaking the sheets Ladies in the streets freaking the sheets And I think But I think men are a bit more honest With what we want Long term versus short term And I don't know if we're honest Enough with y'all What the difference is I don't think we always know what the difference is Especially when we're young Right But 20-something-year-old dudes aren't trying to Get married You'll see women even complain Why do men always marry the Plain James There's a reason for that Right So again it really boils down to What outcome do you want as a woman Because that's going to dictate the type of Man that you should go after Men that are available to you And The timeline that you have to Get it done as efficiently as As possible To basically move Yeah Atlanta Atlanta Atlanta I don't know I don't know because My problem with Atlanta is Not just the traffic but the people seem very pretentious Like There's an air And I'm saying this as a Nigerian Probably one of the most pretentious group of people You said it I didn't In the world, no I'm honest about it Nigerians are pretentious as shit So I have a very I'm very sensitive I'm very sensitive To pretentiousness I like people who are humble who are down to earth But Nigerians are definitely Not that Atlanteans Are definitely like that Like everybody is trying to It's black Hollywood, right So like for me personally It doesn't mesh well with my personality type You know so Yeah but Yeah you might want to go to Mississippi or something South Carolina, North Carolina I don't know but Atlanta Well It was not on my list Of places to move to To take care of my mom and I just Hadn't had the opportunity Or the means to leave yet But up top of that The only family That I have left in the United States Is in Atlanta Besides my sister and her husband I live in Florida so it's kind of like Should I really be leaving right now Right Well I want to appreciate you Elsie I gotta do a round of applause for you Thank you so much Elsie This was In my opinion My very humble opinion This was a very productive conversation Was it for you? I feel like I learned a lot You? Yeah I think A lot of what you said I've heard Before I'm just hearing it differently now I tried it I tried it because again Like none of what I'm saying Is original None of what a lot of people Are saying is original I think Delivery is where I try to Differentiate What I'm offering I guess But at the end of the day It really just comes down to self-awareness And That's it And my biggest thing is like We're not each other's enemy Black men is black women The real enemy is Caucasian And they've tricked us into thinking We're each other's enemies So I'm trying to direct the conversation From a place of like An antagonistic Posture to like solidarity To face the actual problem And I think even just the optics Of black men over here They're having a cordial respectful conversation I think that speaks volumes So thank you I appreciate you But yeah Maybe we'll do this again But I appreciate you hungin' there For 3 hours and 25 minutes So I'm gonna give you another round of applause It is not easy to do If you guys are Interested in LC If you fit Some of those God fearing And those good