28. Street Nuisances During the last ten years, the amount of street music has so greatly increased that it now has become a positive nuisance to a very considerable portion of the inhabitants of London. It robs the industrious man of his time, it annoys a musical man by its intolerable badness, it irritates the invalid, deprives the patient, who at great inconvenience has visited London for the best medical advice, of that repose which, under such circumstances, is essential for his recovery, and it destroys the time and the energies of all the intellectual classes of society by its continual interruptions of their pursuits, instruments of torture permitted by the government to be in daily and nightly use in the streets of London, organs, brass bands, fiddles, harps, harpsicords, hurdy-gurdies, flageolettes, drums, bagpipes, accordions, half-penny whistles, tom-toms, trumpets, the human voice in various forms, shouting out objects for sale, religious canting, psalm singing. I have very frequently been disturbed by such music after eleven and even after twelve o'clock at night, upon one occasion a brass band played with but few and short intermissions for five hours, encourages a street music, tavern keepers, public houses, gin shops, beer shops, coffee shops, servants, children, visitors from the country, ladies of doubtful virtue, occasionally titled ladies, but these are almost invariably of recent elevation and deficient in that taste which their sex usually possess. The habit of frequenting public houses and the amount of intoxication is much augmented by these means, it therefore finds support from the whole body of licensed vigilars and from all those who are interested as proprietors of public houses. The great encourages of street music belong chiefly to the lower classes of society, of these the frequenters of public houses and beer shops patronize the worst and most noisy kinds of music. The proprietors of such establishments find it a very successful means of attracting customers. Music is kept up for a longer time and at later hours before the public house than under any other circumstances. It not unfrequently gives rise to a dance by little ragged urchins and sometimes by half-intoxicated men who occasionally accompany the noise with their own discordant voices. Servants and children are great admirers of street music, also people from the country who, coming up to town for a short time, often encourage it. Another class who are great supporters of street music consists of ladies of elastic virtue and cosmopolitan tendencies, to whom it affords a decent excuse for displaying their fascinations at their own open windows. Most ladies resident in London are aware of this peculiarity, but occasionally some few to whom it is not known have found very unpleasant inferences drawn in consequence of thus gratifying their musical taste. Here follows a table of musicians and their instruments. Italians, organs, Germans, brass bands, natives of India, tom-toms, English, brass bands, fiddles, etc., the lowest class of clubs, bands with double drum. The most numerous of these classes, the organ grinders, are natives of Italy, chiefly from the mountainous district whose language is a rude patois and who are entirely unacquainted with any other. It is said that there are above a thousand of these foreigners, usually in London, employed in tormenting the natives. They mostly reside in the neighborhood of Saffron Hill and are, of course, from their ignorance of any other language than their own, entirely in the hands of their padronesce. One of these, a most persevering intruder with his organ, gave me a false address. Having ascertained the real address, he was sought for by the police for above a fortnight, but not discovered. His padrone, becoming aware of his being wanted, sent him on a country circuit. I once met, within a few miles of the land's end, one of these fellows whom I had frequently sent away from my own street. The amount of interruption from street music and from other occasional noises varies with the nature and the habits of its victims. Those whose minds are entirely unoccupied receive it with satisfaction as filling up the vacuum of time. Those whose thoughts are chiefly occupied with frivolous pursuits or with any other pursuits requiring but little attention from the reasoning or the reflective powers readily attend to occasional street music. Those who possess an impaired bodily frame and whose misery might be alleviated by good music at proper intervals are absolutely driven to distraction by the vile and discordant music of the streets waking them at all hours in the midst of that temporary repose so necessary for confirmed invalids. By professional musicians, its effects are most severely felt. It interrupts them in their own studies and entirely destroys the value of the instructions they are giving their domestic pupils. When they leave their own house to give lessons to their employers, the infernal organ still pursues them. Their Belgraveian employer is obliged at every lesson to bribe the itinerant miscreant to desist his charge of this act of mercy being from a shilling to half a crown for each lesson. It is, however, right to hint to the members of the musical profession that their immediate neighbors do not quite so much enjoy even the most exquisite professional music when filtered through brick walls or transmitted circuitously and partially through open windows into the houses of their neighbors. I know of no remedy to propose for the benefit of the latter class, but I think that a proper self-respect should induce the professional musician himself to close his windows and even to suffer the inconvenience of heat rather than permanently annoy his neighbors. The law of retaliation, which is only justified when other arguments fail, was curiously put in force in a case which was brought under my notice a few years ago, an artist of considerable eminence who resided in the west end of London had for many a year pursued his own undisturbed and undisturbing studies when one fine morning his professional studies were interrupted by the continuous sound of music transmitted through the wall from his neighbor's house. Finding the noise continuous and his interruption complete, he rang for his servant and putting his mall into the man's hand desired him to continue knocking against the wall from whence the disturbance proceeded until he returned from a walk in the park. He added that he should probably be absent for an hour and that if any other person called and wished to see him he should be at home at the end of that time. On his return he was informed that the new tenant of the adjacent house had called during his absence and that on being informed of the hour of his master's return he had expressed his intention of calling again. A short time after this the new tenant of the adjacent house was introduced. He apologized for this visit to a stranger but said that during the last hour he had been annoyed by a most extraordinary knocking against the wall which entirely interrupted his professional pursuits. To this the artist replied in almost precisely the same words that during the previous hour he had been annoyed by a most extraordinary and unusual sound which entirely interrupted his professional pursuits. After some discussion it was settled that the piano should be removed to the opposite wall and that it should be covered with a stratum of blankets. This arrangement went on for a few months but the pupils and their relatives disapproving of a dumb piano gradually left the professor who found it desirable to give up the house and retire to a more music-tolerating neighborhood. In this case the evil was equal on both sides and it was reasonable that the newcomer should retire. In my own case it has often been suggested to me to retaliate and as many of my interruptions have been intentional that course might be justifiable. But as they have been confined to one or two of the lowest persons in the neighborhood I thought it not right to disturb my more respectable neighbors. The means of my command for producing the most hideously discordant noises are ample having a considerable collection of shrill organ pipes with appropriate bellows and an indefatigable steam engine ever ready to work them whilst I might be taking a walk in the park. I hope by the timely amendment of the law no person may be driven to practice what it refuses to prevent and thus test the laws of the country by reductio ad absurdum. It is difficult to estimate the misery inflicted upon thousands of persons and the absolute pecuniary penalty imposed upon multitudes of intellectual workers by the loss of their time destroyed by organ grinders and other similar nuisances. I have witnessed much and suffered more. Many communications on the subject have reached me and I fear that I may appear to have neglected several of them. I hope however that the great sacrifice of my own time which has been forced upon me in order to secure the remainder may be accepted as my excuse. I will now mention some few of the results. Even policemen have frequently told me that organs are a great nuisance to them personally. A large number of the police are constantly on night duty and of course these can only get their sleep during the day. On such occasions their rest is constantly broken by the nuisance of street music. A lady the wife of an officer on half pay writes to me stating her own sad case. Her husband suffering under a painfully nervous affection is brought up to London for the benefit of medical advice. Under these circumstances a sensible improvement takes place but it requires time and constant attention to advance the cure. In order to profit by the eminent skill which London supplies the lady and her husband at considerable sacrifice take a very small house in a very quiet little square. Unfortunately the organ grinders had possession of it and no entreaties would banish them. The irritation produced on the invalid was frightful and I feel it some relief not to have known its almost inevitable termination. Various accidents occur as the consequence of street music. It occasionally happens that horses are frightened and perhaps their riders thrown that carriages are run away with and their occupiers dreadfully alarmed and possibly even bruised. The following casualties were reported about three years ago in most of the daily newspapers. Shocking occurrence six children run over and mutilated. Yesterday afternoon shortly after four o'clock a German band whilst performing in the old St. Pancras road was the cause of a most dreadful accident. At the time mentioned the band referred to was playing at the corner of Aldenham Terrace when a man named Charles Field was driving one of Achilles the horse slaughterers carts down Aldenham Street. At the end of Aldenham Street there is a great declivity into the St. Pancras road and just as the cart was turning it laden with a dead horse the big drum was beaten with extraordinary violence a cart was standing on the opposite side of the road to avoid which a short turn on the part of the driver of Achilles cart was necessary a cart was standing on the opposite side of the road to avoid which a short turn on the part of the driver of Achilles cart was necessary. The sudden beating of the drum caused the horse to take fright and the driver being pitched head foremost from his seat caused him to lose control over the animal he was driving which dashed in amongst the children and others who was standing in the road listening to the music knocking them down right and left. When the consternation created by the occurrence had subsided no less than six poor children were found lying on the road in a helpless condition the vehicle having passed over some part of their persons they were conveyed as fast as possible into the adjacent surgery of Dr. Sutheran of 28 Aldenham Terrace who with his assistant promptly attended upon them. William Hill aged nine years of 34 Stanmore Street who had sustained fractured ribs and other injuries and Charles Harwood aged 11 years of four Clarendon Square with fracture of the left arm and groin as well as right leg caused by the vehicle passing over them were removed by direction of Dr. Sutheran to University College Hospital the other sufferers are Robert Thwaites of two St. Pancras Square aged seven years injury to leg and one of his feet James Gunn 34 Stanmore Street crushed toes William Young 8 Percy Terrace aged six years contusion to head and face and a child name unknown considerably injured the persons who witnessed the occurrence do not attribute any blame to the driver but as soon as it took place the German band were off with as little delay as possible Daily Telegraph October 3rd 1861 if this sad accident had fortunately happened in Melgravia there can be little doubt that the law would have been altered in order to prevent the recurrence of such frightful misery no attempt however has yet been made to remove the cause and I have myself more recently seen a German brass band playing in a very narrow crowded street close to the bank of England at three o'clock in the afternoon making it difficult to pass as well as dangerous to one's pocket on another occasion at two o'clock a German band was playing in Piccadilly at that crowded part the circus in both instances the police were looking on and seemed to enjoy the music they were not directed to stop I have obtained in my own country an unenviable celebrity not by anything I have done but simply by a determined resistance to the tyranny of the lowest mob whose love not a music but of the most discordant noises is so great that it insists upon enjoying it at all hours and in every street it may therefore be expected that I should in this volume state at least the outline of my own case I claim no merit for this resistance although I am quite aware that I am fighting the battle of every one of my countrymen who gains his subsistence by his intellectual labor the simple reason for the course I have taken is that however disagreeable has been it would have been still more painful to have given up a great and cherished object already fully within my reach I have been compelled individually to resist this tyranny of the lowest mob because the government itself is notoriously afraid to face it on a careful retrospect of the last dozen years of my life I have arrived at the conclusion that I speak within limit when I state that one fourth part of my working power has been destroyed by the nuisance against which I have protested 25 percent is rather too large an additional income tax upon the brain of the intellectual workers of this country to be levied by permission of the government and squandered upon its most worthless classes the effect of a uniform and continuous sound in distracting the attention or in disturbing intellectual pursuits is almost insensible those who reside near a waterfall even Niagara have their organs soon seasoned and adapted to its monotony it is the change from quietness to noise or from one kind of noise to another which instantly distracts the attention it would be equally distracted by the reverse by the sudden change from the hum of the busy world to the stillness of the desert the injurious effect of noisy interruptions upon our attention also varies with the nature of the investigations upon which we are engaged if they are of a kind requiring but a very small amount of intellectual effort as for instance the routine of a public office they will be little felt if on the other hand those subjects are of such a character as to require the highest efforts of the thinker then their examination is interrupted by the slightest change in the surrounding circumstances when the work to be done is proportioned to the powers of the mind engaged upon it the painful effect of interruption is felt as deeply by the least intellectual as by the most highly gifted the condition which determines the maximum of interruption is that the mind disturbed however moderate its powers shall be working up to its full stretch finding many years ago the increasing interruption of my pursuits from street music as it is now tolerated i determined to endeavor to get rid of it by putting in force our imperfect law as far as it goes i soon found how very imperfect it is the first step is to require the performer to desist and to assign illness or other sufficient reason for the request if a female servant is sent on this mission it is quite useless the organ player especially ever acquainted with more than four or five words of our language but these are always the most vulgar the most offensive and the most insulting if a man's servant is sent the Italians are very often insolent and occasionally refuse to depart but there are multitudes of sufferers who are ill and are in lodgings and have no servant to send besides the servants must occasionally be absent being sent by their employers on their various duties the principle on which i propose to act is whenever it can be fully carried out usually very effective it was simply this to make it more unprofitable to the offender to do the wrong than the right whenever therefore and itinerant musician disturbed me i immediately set out or went out myself to warn him away at first this was not successful but after summoning and convicting a few they found out that their precious time was wasted and most of them deserted the immediate neighborhood this would have succeeded had the offenders been few in number but their name is legion upwards of a thousand being constantly in london besides those on their circuit in the provinces it was not however the interest of those who deserted my station to inform their countrymen of its barrenness consequently the fresh imported had each to gain his own experience at the expense of his own and of my time perhaps i might have succeeded at last in banishing the italian nuisance from the neighborhood of my residence but various other native professors of the art of tormenting with discords increased as the license of these italian itinerants was encouraged another event however occurred which added much more seriously to my difficulty many years before i had purchased a house in a very quiet locality with an extensive plot of ground on part of which i had erected workshops and offices in which i might carry on the experiments and make the drawings necessary for the construction of the analytical engine several years ago the quiet street in which i resided was invaded by a hackney coach stand i in common with most of the inhabitants remonstrated and protested against this invasion of our comfort and this destruction of the value of our property our remonstrance was ineffectual the hackney coach stand was established the immediate consequence was obvious the most respectable tradesmen with some of whom i had dealt for five and twenty years saw the ruin which was approaching and wisely making a first sacrifice at once left their deteriorated property as soon as they could find for it a purchaser the neighborhood became changed coffee houses beer shops and lodging houses filled the adjacent small streets the character of the new population may be inferred from the taste they exhibit for the noisiest and most discordant music i have looked in vain for any public advantage to justify this heavy injury to private property it will scarcely be believed that another hackney coach stand actually exists within two hundred yards namely that in paddington street which has a very large space unoccupied by any houses on either side of the street and which had frequently cabs on it plying for hire during the whole night the distance of the most eastern cab on the stand in dorset street from the spot in paddington street on which cabs might stand without being opposite any houses is in reality less than 140 yards i am not aware of any two cab stands placed so near each other as those in question in endeavouring to put in force the existing law and perfect as it is i have met with sundry small inconveniences which a cabinet minister might perhaps think trivial but which in a slight degree try the temper even of a philosopher some of my neighbors have derived great pleasure from inviting musicians of varying tastes and countries to play before my windows probably with the pacific view of ascertaining whether there are not some kinds of instruments which we might both approve this is repeatedly failed even with the accompaniment of the human voice divine from the lips of little shoeless children urged on by their ragged parents to join in a chorus rather disrespectful to their philosophic neighbor the enthusiasm of the performer excited by such applause has occasionally permitted him to dwell too long upon the already forbidden notes and i have been obliged to find a policeman to ascertain the residents of the offender in the meantime the crowd of young children urged on by their parents and backed at a judicious distance by a set of vagabonds forms quite a noisy mob following me as i pass along and shouting out rather uncomplementary epithets when i turn round and survey my illustrious tale it stops if i move towards it it recedes the elder branches are then quiet sometimes they even retire wishing perhaps to avoid my future recognition the instant i turn the shouting and the abuse are resumed and the mob again follow at a respectful distance the usual result is the deluded musicians find themselves left in the lurch at the police court by their enthusiastic encouragers and have to pay a heavier fine for having contributed to collect this unruly and ungenerous mob such occurrences have unfortunately been by no means rare in one case there were certainly above a hundred persons consisting of men women and boys with multitudes of young children who followed me through the streets before i could find a policeman to such an extent has this annoyance of shouting out my name without or with insulting epithets being carried that i can truly affirm unless i am detained at home by illness no week ever passes without many instances of it the police tell me that the children who are put up to the trick by their parents belong chiefly to several ragged schools in my neighborhood i have myself repeatedly traced numbers of them into the portman chapel school in east street in one instance i went into that school and made a formal complaint to the teacher who expressed great regret for it and requested me if i could see any of the offenders to point them out but amongst the number of children then present i was unable to identify the offenders the insults arising from boys set on by their parents and from other older and therefore less pardonable offenders shouting out my name under my windows or as i pass along the streets and even in the middle of the night are of almost constant occurrence of course i always appear to take no notice of such circumstances only a few days ago whilst i was engaged upon the present chapter i had occasion to pass down manchester street when i was about halfway down i heard from that end of the street i had left loud and repeated cries of stop thief i naturally turned around when i saw two young fellows at the corner who repeated the cry twice as loudly as they could and then ran as hard as they were able round the corner out of my sight there could be no mistake that this was intended to annoy me because it happened at a time when there was no person except myself in the upper part of the street another source of annoyance fortunately only of a very limited amount arises from a perverse disposition of some of my neighbors who in two or three instances have gone to the expense of purchasing worn out or damaged wind instruments which they are incapable of playing but on which they produce a discordant noise for the purpose of annoying me one of these appearing at the police court as a witness for an organ grinder was questioned by the magistrate and informed that he would render himself liable to an indictment by the continuance of such conduct another foolish young fellow purchased a wind instrument with a hole in it with which he made discordant noises purposely to annoy me traveling in a third class carriage to depthford he described the great zest to the person sitting opposite to him the instrument its price and the use he made of it the listener to this confidence was one of the best of my own draftsman who was quite as much disturbed by the street music as I myself the police were made acquainted with the fact and I believe still have from time to time their eyes upon the young vagabond another wilful disturber of my quiet was a workman inhabiting an attic in a street which overlooked my garden when he returned daily to his dinner this fellow possessing a penny tin whistle opened his window and leaning out of it blew his shrill instrument in the direction of my garden for about half an hour I simply noted the fact in a memorandum book and then employed the time he thought he was destroying in taking my daily exercise or in any other outdoor mission my pursuits required after a perseverance in this course during many months he discontinued the annoyance but for what reason I never knew at an early period when I was putting the law in force as far as I could for the prevention of this destruction of my time I received constantly anonymous letters advising and even threatening me with all sorts of evils such as destruction of my property burning my house injury to myself I was very often addressed in the streets with similar threats on one occasion when I was returning home from an affair with a mob whom the police had just dispersed I met close to my own door a man who addressing me said you deserve to have your house burnt and yourself in it and I will do it for you you old villain I asked him if he had any objection to give me his address of course he refused I then followed him at a short distance looking out for a policeman whenever he saw one at a distance he turned rapidly up the next street this chase continued above half an hour he was then joined by a companion an ill-looking fellow they still continued to turn off into another street whenever a constable became visible in the distance at last we saw a great crowd into which they both rushed and further pursuit became impossible I will not describe the smaller evils of dead cats and other offensive materials thrown down my area of windows from time to time purposely broken or from occasional blows from stones projected by unseen hands the last annoyance I shall mention occurred in the month of December of the past year I had been suffering considerably from ill health and it became necessary that I should undergo a painful surgical operation late in the night of that day I got into a refreshing sleep when at one o'clock in the morning I was suddenly awakened by the crash of a brass band which continued playing whilst I was unable to move and was compelled passively to submit to the tormentors by a most singular accident many weeks after I became possessed of evidence that the musicians held a consultation in Manchester Square about going to the top of the street to wake me up I'm glad however to add for the credit of human nature that one of the party advised them not to do it and that he himself immediately left them it has been found upon undoubted authority by returns from benefit societies that in London about 4.72 persons percent are constantly ill this approximation may be fairly assumed as the nearest yet attained for the population of London it follows therefore that about 47 out of every thousand inhabitants are always ill the number of persons per house varies in different parts in my own district it averages 10 to each house in a neighbouring district the average is 13 per house in Manchester Street which faces my own residence there are 56 houses this allowing the above average of ill health will show that about 26 persons are usually ill in that street now the annoyance from street music is by no means confined to the performers in the street in which a house is situated in my own case there are portions of five other streets in which street music constantly interrupts me in my pursuits if the portions of these five streets are considered to be only equal in population to that of Manchester Street it will appear that upwards of 50 people who are ill are constantly disturbed by the same noises which so frequently interrupt my own pursuits the misery inflicted upon those who are really ill is far greater than that which arises from the mere destruction of time however valuable a friend of mine himself an excellent magistrate suffering under a severe and fatal complaint was almost driven to distraction during the last six months of his painful existence by the constant occurrence of the organ nuisance which he was entirely unable to stop I have at times made attempts to register the number of such interruptions in my pursuits but these have been very partial and imperfect I find by some notes that during about 80 days I registered 165 instances the greater part of which I went out myself to put a stop to the nuisance in several of these cases my whole day's work was destroyed for they frequently occurred at times when I was giving instruction to my workmen relative to some of the most difficult parts of the analytical engine at one period after I had succeeded in getting two or three convictions some of my neighbors put themselves to the expense of having large placards printed in which they abused me for having put the law in force against the destroyers of my time these placards they stuck up in the windows of their little shops at intervals from edge where road to Tottenham Court Road some of them attempted verse and thought it poetry though the only part really imaginative was their prose statements unfortunately for my comfort a few years ago Mr. X one of the magistrates of Marlebone office was succeeded by Mr. Y now the taste of the new magistrate like that of his predecessor was favorable to the Italian organ his predecessor might however have been excused as he was deaf possibly Mr. Y thinks that all Italian music is high art and therefore ought to be encouraged I soon discovered that it was useless to bring any musical offender before him and I had for some time to endure the most intolerable interruption of my pursuits upon one occasion when I had summoned an organ grinder before him his decision was in my opinion so unsatisfactory that I determined to address to the home secretary a remonstrance against it the case was heard by Mr. Y about the middle of July my letter to Sir George Gray accompanied by a series of the placards was sent to the home office about the middle of August I waited patiently for a reply but receiving none I took it for granted that my letter could not have reached the home secretary at last on the 17th of December I wrote to his private secretary in order to ascertain the fact the reply to my note was the simple admission that the letter had been received I confessed that this event baffled all my calculations I had observed that the high officials distinguished by the intellectual powers were occasionally oblivious upon minor points but that high officials distinguished only by the office they held were usually more rigidly courteous and exact after this I abstained for a long time from bringing any case before Mr. Y at last a case occurred which had appeared to me could not be resisted I brought it before that magistrate it was heard and the charge was dismissed believing the decision to be erroneous in law I consulted a solicitor who had much experience in the metropolitan police courts with the view of getting the opinion of the court of Queens bench upon the subject my legal advisor had no doubt that the decision would be favorable but urged upon me the great expense and advised me not to proceed on inquiry as to the probable amount he suggested it might reach 50 pounds I immediately replied that it would be good economy to purchase my own time at that expense and I desired him to take the necessary steps the first was to get some housekeeper to enter with me into a bond for 20 pounds to pay the magistrates cost in case I failed having wasted some time upon this the magistrate granted a case for the Queens bench a copy of which my solicitor immediately sent me the grounds of Mr. Y's decision were first that the man was not legally in custody second that he was not within reasonable distance of my house third that he did not understand the English language on receiving this I felt quite relieved and thought that a clear decision upon these three points would be very cheaply purchased by the expenditure of 50 pounds however on mentioning the subject to several of my personal friends who were themselves high in the profession of the law I was destined to be grievously disappointed I was informed that the court of Queens bench would not decide upon any one of the questions but would decide generally that the magistrates decision was right or was wrong without giving me the least information on which of the grounds it rested I now perceived the dodge that had been practiced upon me and I felt compelled to admit that Mr. Y was a clever fellow a regard for truth however forbids me to extend the application of this observation to anybody else concerned in this matter I have spared neither expense nor personal trouble in endeavoring to put a stop to this nuisance during one 12 month those expenses amounted within a few shillings to 104 pounds I was not however the only sufferer that amount would otherwise have been expended in giving a year's employment to a skilled workman whose wages are about two pounds a week I shall now give one illustration from my own experience of the utterly imperfect state of the law for suppressing the nuisance of street music on Monday the 29th of February in the present year at 3 p.m in the midst of a thick fog a brass band struck up close under my windows I was in ill health and engaged in a subject requiring much attention I knocked at the window but the band continued their performance then I opened the window and desired them to desist they still continued and I then set my servant to desire them to go away having finished their tune they removed about five doors from my residence and commenced another performance my patience being exhausted I then went out myself to desire my tormentors to depart my servant went on to the station before he could get a constable in the meantime the band had removed about six doors further and began another tune at last my servant arrived with the policeman who took down the names and addresses of the nine musicians contributing to the band the next day I paid 27 shillings for summonses the day after the police informed me that all the addresses given which were either in Richmond or Brentford were false I applied to the police who watched at certain haunts but the onyx succeeded in identifying two of them I then obtained warrants to apprehend those two and came up from the country expressly to attend at the police court but the men were not to be found I am still waiting in the hope that our police is not quite so inefficient as to allow them to escape I have already been put to the charge of employing a solicitor and to other expenses but the band itself is I believe still going about in London and playing every day now if it had been legal for the police to have taken possession of the instruments of those disturbers of the public piece false address would have been useless for it would have been cheaper to have paid the penalties than to have lost their instruments it is I presume admitted that streets and high roads are not the property of those who use them they are the queen's highways and were devoted to the public for certain uses only the public have an undoubted right to traverse them and convey over them persons goods materials and etc the adjacent householders must bear any amount of noise which is fairly required for the legitimate use of roads but no individual has any right to use them for other purposes as for instance theatrical representations as punch gymnastics playground and games religious services music as organs and brass bands these not merely interfere with their proper use but disturb the householders and are in most cases a positive nuisance the following letter from an old lawyer recently appeared in The Times it states the law briefly and with authority street music to the editor of The Times sir whether street music in London ought to be put down or not I living in the country I'm not concerned to answer I suppose it is a question like smoking on which the public will always be divided but as the law on the subject is so clear and simple I'm surprised how legislatures and justices can be puzzled about it every public road or street belongs to the sovereign as embodying the nation and is accordingly called the kings or queens highway the interest of each individual is limited to a right of passing and repassing over such highway and he is no more entitled to use it for business or amusement than he is to build upon it or dig for ore beneath its surface hence the keeping of stalls for sale is illegal and though often winked at is sometimes denounced and punished hence the police are justified in desiring you to move on if you loiter in looking at a shop window or conversing with a friend so as to borrow the progress of passengers a fortiori a band of musicians has no locus stand on the ground there is in my neighborhood a right of way over a gentleman's park but I have only the privilege of passage and none of remaining on the path for the purpose of reading sketching or playing the violin I am sir your obedient servant an old lawyer at most the tolerance of noisy occupants of the streets such as organ grinders German bands et hock genus omne is on sufferance only and neither the municipal law nor common sense justifies the invasion or curtailment of a man's liberty to use his brain and exert his mental energies as the occasion may require and that too even within the very recesses of the Englishman's castle with respect to the remedies against street music I am not at all sanguine the only one which is certain is positively to forbid it in all cases and with it also that varied multitude of vocal noises made by persons parading the streets singing relating tales praying offering trifle articles for sale etc all of them with the transparent object of begging in all these cases which admit of it the police ought to be directed to take possession of the offensive instrument and convey it to the police court there to await the decision of the magistrate certain street musicians reappear periodically every few years thus the game called tip cat again prevails certain street nuisances reappear periodically every few years thus the game called tip cat again prevails after a certain number of eyes have been knocked out the police will probably have orders to stop the nuisance it will then be put down in a few weeks and perhaps after a year or two it may break out afresh and be again as easily put down a similar cycle occurs with children's hoops they are trundled about until they get under horses legs now if as it frequently happens they are made of iron not only is the rider thrown as well as the horse but the poor animal is almost sure to have his leg broken in these and other similar cases the offending instrument should invariably be detained by the police and taken to the station to be destroyed or only to be returned on payment of a small fine by the offending party within three days after the seizure if this were the case a multitude of daily street nuisances would very soon disappear boys with accordions and other noisy instruments small children with shrill tin whistles would then be obliged to ask their parents to go to the police office and pay a fine for the recovery of toys and the parents themselves would prevent their children from destroying the time of other persons as soon as they were made to feel that it incurred an equal penalty on their own every kind of noisy instrument whether organ or harp or trumpet or penny whistle if sounded should be seized by the police and taken to the station also all hoops and instruments for playing games the effect of this would ultimately be to diminish the labors of the police at first they would have some additional trouble but a few months would make the distributors feel that it was very unprofitable practice and after that if the police did their duty they would only occasionally have to seize a stray instrument or two proper warning of this intention to enforce the law ought to be given the multitude of music halls now established in all parts of london is such that those who enjoy street music may have a much larger quantity of it and of a better kind at a cheaper rate than that which in their own street disturbs all their neighbors if street music is to be at all tolerated by law against which i protest in the strongest manner that every performer ought to carry on his back or upon his instrument his name and address or an authorized number by which the public might be saved from wasting their time by false addresses now so frequently given i have received several suggestions about organizing a society to endeavor to put a stop to these street nuisances my reply has been that such a combination well managed would probably have a very considerable effect but that it would be impossible for me to give up to it any of my own time i would willingly subscribe to it and offer it any suggestions that might assist its operations its most important duty would be to ascertain whether the present law is sufficient to put down the nuisance in case it is not then it would become necessary to get it amended and for that purpose to consult with influential members about the introduction of a bill for that purpose amongst the legal difficulties are the following the magistrates in different districts interpret the law differently might it not be expedient that police magistrates should meet from time to time and discuss such differences of opinion and agree to act upon that of the majority or ought they not to apply to the home secretary for his authority how to interpret it if i am right in the opinion which is confirmed in the letter of the old lawyer that the queen's highways can only be legally used by her subjects for the passage of themselves and the transport of their property then it is desirable to ascertain how that principle of the common law can be enforced hitherto all proceedings have been under certain clauses of the metropolitan police act in case any association should be formed to endeavor to procure an act of parliament to put an end to the music nuisance it would be desirable to apply distinctly to each of the members for the metropolitan boroughs in order that it might be known upon which side of the question they intended to vote as upon all other subjects men differ upon street nuisances an ancient philosopher divided all mankind into two sections namely fools and philosophers and unhappily for the race the one cannot enjoy his whistle except at the expense of the other i was once asked by an astute and sarcastic magistrate whether i seriously believe that a man's brain would be injured by listening to an organ my reply was certainly not for the obvious reason that no man having brain ever listened to street musicians the opera like the pillory may be said to nail the ears down but expose the head i believe that the greater part of the householders of london would gladly assist in putting a stop to street music the proportion of cases prosecuted compared with the number of interruptions is in my own case less than one in a thousand if the annoyance is not absolutely prohibited by law the number of police must at least double to give quiet working people any repose end of section 28 recording by steven harvey section 29 of passages from the life of a philosopher this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by dale growthman section 29 of passages from the life of a philosopher wit poor dogs puns double and triple history of the silver lady disappointment by the millner the philosopher performs her functions lady morgan's criticism al sobs beer sydney smith toss up a bishop lady m the gypsy in spain epigram of the planet neptune epigram on henry drummond's attack on catholics in the house of commons on catholic miracles it has often struck me that an analysis of the cause of wit would be a very interesting subject of inquiry with that view i collected many just books but fortunately in this one instance i had resolution to abstain from distracting my attention from more important inquiries i may however note some illustrations of it which occur in my memory the late sir harris nickolas used to practice rather strongly upon some of his friends i was not an unwilling victim the pleasure derived from the wit far exceeding any pain it inflicted he indeed sir harris himself one day expressed his disappointment at my insensibility by saying that he had never in his whole life been able really to hit me the late sir s was sitting with him one morning listening to a very astute but rather dry explanation of some matter about which his lordship had inquired at last he threw himself back in his armchair and said my dear nickolas i am very stupid this morning my brains have all gone to the dogs on which sir harris pathetically exclaimed poor dogs it is evident in this case that the wit of the reply rose from sympathy expressed on the wrong side the peer expected sympathy from the night but the night gave it to the dogs another remarkable feature of jokes formed on this principle is that they generally depend on the intimate meaning of the words employed and not either upon their sound or their arrangement consequently they possess the rare quality of being translatable into all languages one of the principles of discovery in many subjects is to generalize from the individual case up to the species and then to descend to other individual instances a triple pun puns are detestable the greater number of them depend on the double meaning of the same word or on the similar pronunciation of words differently spelled the following may serve as an example of a triple pun a gentleman calling one morning at the house of a lady whose sister was remarkably beautiful found her at the writing table putting his hand upon a little bell used for calling the attendant he inquired of the lady of the house what relationship existed between his walking stick her sister and the instrument under his finger his walking stick was a cane cane cane the brother of a bell a bell able i mentioned in an earlier chapter my boyish admiration of an automaton in the shape of a silver lady who attitudinized in a most graceful manner her fate was singular at the death of her maker she was sold with the rest of his collection of mechanical toys and was purchased by weeks who had a mechanical exhibition in coxpur street no attempt appears to have been made to finish the automation and it seems to have been placed out of the way in an attic uncovered and utterly neglected the silver lady on the sale by auction of weeks museum i met again the object of my early admiration having purchased the silver figure i proceeded to take to pieces the whole of the mechanism and found a multitude of small holes which had been stopped up as not having fulfilled their intended object in fact it appeared tolerably certain that scarcely any drawings could have been prepared for the automaton but that the beautiful result arose from a system of continual trials i myself repaired and restored all the mechanism of the silver lady by which title she was afterward known to my friends i placed her under a glass case on a pedestal in my drawing room where she received in her own silent but graceful manner those valued friends who so frequently honored me with their society on certain Saturday evenings this piece of mechanism formed a striking contrast with the unfinished portions of the difference engine number one which was placed in the adjacent room the whole of the latter mechanism existed in drawings upon paper before any portion of it was put together the external surface of the figure which was beautiful in form was made of silver it was therefore necessary to supply her with robes suitable to her station this would have been rather difficult for a philosopher but it was made easy by the aid of one or two of my fair friends who kindly intervened these generously assisted with their own peculiar style and taste at the toilet of their rival syrin sketches were made and the modest of the purest water were employed the result was upon the whole highly satisfactory one evening however the arrival of the new dress was postponed to so late a period that i feared it would entirely escape the recollection of the executive department the hour at which my friends usually arrived was rapidly approaching in this difficulty it occurred to me that there were a few remnants of beautiful chinese crepe in the silver ladies wardrobe having selected two strips one of pink and the other of light green i hastily wound a plated band of bright auburn hair around the block on which her headdresses were usually constructed and then pinned on the folds of the colored crepe this formed a very tolerable turban and was not much unlike the kind of headdress called a toke which prevailed at that period another large piece of the same pink chinese crepe i wound round her person which i thought showed it off to considerable advantage fortunately i found in her wardrobe a pair of pink satin slippers on each of which i fixed a single silver spangle then placed a small silver crescent in the front of her turban i felt i had accomplished all that time and circumstance permitted lady morgan's criticism the criticisms on the costume of the silver lady were various in the course of the evening lady morgan communicated to me confidentially her own opinion of the dress holding up her fan she whispered my dear mr. babbage i think your silver lady is rather slightly clad tonight shall i lend her a petticoat to which i replied my dear lady morgan i am much indebted for your very considerate offer but i fear you have not got one to spare this retort was not a pun but merely a double entendre it might mean either that her ladieship had on invisibles but not enough to be able to spare one or it might imply that having no garment of that kind she was unable to lend one to a friend about the time of the attempt to assassinate the emperor of france by orisini an englishman named al-sop was arrested in london and afterwards tried and acquitted of a connection with the assassins al-sop's beer at a distinguished dinner party amongst whom was the attorney general of that day there arose a question as to whom mr. al-sop was one of the company asked whether it was al-sop's beer meaning whether the prisoner was the concoctor of that delightful beverage the gentleman to whom the question was addressed immediately replied it is not at present al-sop's beer but said he turning to the attorney general if your prosecution succeeds it is very likely to become al-sop's beer sydney smith occasionally called upon me in the morning and was ever the most welcome visitor the conversation usually commenced upon grave subjects and i was always desirous of profiting by the light his powerful mind threw upon the most difficult questions when railways first came into existence much reasonable alarm arose from the rapidity of the trains and the immense masses of matter in motion one morning my friend called and asked me my opinion on the subject i pointed out what then appeared to me the chief sources of danger and entered upon some of the precautions to be attended to and of remedies to be applied sydney smith then asked me why i did not go and inform the government of the danger and of the means of remedying it my answer was that such a mission would be a pure waste of time that nothing whatever would be done until some great man a prime minister for instance were smashed i then continued perhaps a bishop or two would do for you know said i looking slightly at my friend they are so much better prepared for the change than we are i have heard this view on the subject assigned to sydney smith it is very probable that it should have occurred to him although i scarcely imagine he would have given the reason i did for the preference his celebrated suggestion to a person who asked him how a man could find which way the wind blew when there was no weather cock in sight adds to the probability of sydney smith's originality on the other hand i may support my own pretensions to independent invention by referring to a parallel remark i made many years before opinion on dueling at a large dinner party the subject of dueling was discussed various opinions were propounded as to its absolute necessity i had made no remark upon the question but during a slight pause someone on the opposite side of the table asked my opinion on the subject my reply was i always wished that the injured man should fall on being asked my reason for that wish i answered because he is so much better prepared for the change than the wrongdoer i afterward learned with great satisfaction that when the ladies retired to the drawing room the discussion was much criticized and my reply highly applauded the late lady m having a great desire to see mr borough asked me to invite him to one of my saturday evening parties i expressed my regret that not having the pleasure of his acquaintance i was unable to ask him to my house as i never made lions of my guests a short time after a friend who was coming to me on the following saturday called to ask me to allow him to bring mr borough who was dining with him on that day to my party in the evening of course i willingly gave the invitation and then wrote a note to inform lady m of the occurrence of the opportunity she wished for on the following saturday evening lady m was announced and immediately asked me whether mr borough had arrived i said that he had and that he was in the further room i then added that in the course of a few moments i should have the great pleasure of presenting her mr borough lady m who had several other engagements that evening said only tell me what sort of person he is and i will go and find him out myself i observed that he was a remarkably tall straggling person with a very intelligent countenance with these instructions her ladyship left me and finding as she imagined exactly the man i had described immediately accosted him the conversation was highly interesting and included a great variety of widely different subjects it concluded by lady m expressing her delight with her new acquaintance from whom she parted with this remark what a delightful gypsying life you must have led a slight mistake a slight mistake had however occurred which was not discovered until long after the person thus addressed was not mr borough but dr weightley the archbishop of dovelyn in this chapter may be placed one or two epigrams which though upon subjects of transitory interests may amuse those who are acquainted with the attending circumstances it will be remembered that great discussion arose upon the conflicting claims of adams and la variere to the discovery of the planet neptune a great controversy resulted which was at last summed up in the following couplet when ari was told he wouldn't believe it when chalice saw he couldn't perceive it winking status the clever and eccentric member for east suri the late henry drummond who founded a professorship of political economy at oxford made in the house of commons a most amusing though rather strong speech against the modern miracles of the roman catholic church in which he spoke of their bleeding pictures their winking statues and the virgin's milk on this some profane wag wrote the following couplet sagacious drummond explain with your divinity why reject the milk yet swallow the virginity probably some clever fellow of that faith was at the bottom of this mischief for i have observed that the cleverest fellows seem to think that the merit of adhering to a cause entitles them to the right of quizzing it i was particularly struck with this idea when i saw for the first time at cologne the celebrated picture of st ursula and her 11 000 virgins the artist has quietly made every one of them more or less matronly and of section 29 of passages from the life of a philosopher section 30 of passages from the life of a philosopher this is a liber vox recording all liber vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit vox.org recording by colleen micman passages from the life of a philosopher by charles babbage chapter 28 hints for travelers new inventions stomach pump built a carriage description of tem's tunnel bartons iridescent buttons chinese orders of nobility manufacturing of gold chains at venice pulsations and respirations of animals punching a hole in glass without cracking it specimen of an enormous smash proteus anguinius travelers hotel at sheffield wentworth house in this chapter i propose to throw together a few suggestions which may assist in rendering a tour successful for its objects and agreeable in its reminiscences money is the fuel of traveling i can give the traveler a few hints how to get money although i never had any skill in making it myself in one tour extending over more than a 12 month i took with me two letters of credit each for half the sum i should probably require my reasons for this were that in case one was lost the other might still be available one of these was generally kept about my person the other concealed in my writing case another reason was that if i were unluckily carried off and detained for a ransom it might thus be mitigated traveling carriage it is of great advantage to a traveler to have some acquaintance with the use of tools it is often valuable for his own comfort and sometimes renders him able to assist a friend i met at frankfort the eldest son of the coachmaker of the emperor of russia he had been traveling over the western part of europe and showed me drawings he had made of all the most remarkable carriages he had met with some of these were selected for their elegance others for the reverse take as an example the lord mayors we traveled together to munich and i took that opportunity of discussing siri adam with my very intelligent young friend every part of the structure of a carriage i made notes of certain portions in case i should find occasion to have a carriage built for my own use the young russian was on his way to moscow and was very anxious to reveal on me to accompany him thither for which purpose he offered to wait my own time at munich as however i wish to reach italy as soon as possible i declined his proposition with much regret however in the following year i profited by the information i then gained i had built for me at vienna from my own design a strong light four-wheeled kalesh in which i could sleep at full length amongst its conveniences were a lamp by which i occasionally boiled an egg or cooked my breakfast a large shallow drawer in which might be placed without folding plans drawings and dress coats small pockets for the various kinds of money a larger one for traveling books and telescopes and many other conveniences it cost somewhat about 60 pounds after carrying me during six months at the expense of only five francs for repair i sold it at the hag for 30 pounds it is always advantageous for a traveler to carry with him anything of use in science or an art if it is of a portable nature and still more so if it has also the advantage of novelty at the time i started on a length in tour the stomach pump had just been invented it appeared to give promise of great utility i therefore arranged in a small box the parts of an instrument which could be employed either as a syringe a stomach pump or for cupping as a stomach pump it was in great request from its novelty and utility i had many applications for permission to make drawings of it to which i always most willingly acceded at munich dr vice broad the king's physician was greatly interested with it and at his wish i lent it to the chief surgical instrument maker who produced for him an exact copy of the whole apparatus description of tem's tunnel having visited the tem's tunnel a day or two before i started for the continent i purchased a dozen copies of the very lucid account of that most interesting work six of the copies were in french and the other six in the german language i frequently lent a copy and upon some occasions i gave one away but if i had had twice that number i should have found that i might have distributed them with advantage as acknowledgments of the many attentions i received another most valuable piece of traveling merchandise consisted of a dozen large and a dozen small gold buttons stamped by barton's steel dies these buttons displayed the most beautiful iridescence especially in the light of the sun they were formed by ruling the steel die in parallel lines in various forms the lines were from the four to the ten thousandth of an inch apart i possessed a die which mr barton had kindly given me this i kept in my writing case but i had had a small piece of steel ruled in the same way though not with quite the same perfection which i always kept in my waistcoat pocket it was also accompanied by a small gold button in a sandalwood case these were frequently of great service the mere sight of them procured me many little attentions and diligence and steam boats iridescent buttons of course i never appeared to be the possessor of more than one of these treasured buttons so that if anyone had saved my life its gift would have been thought a handsome acknowledgement if i had traveled in the east as i had originally intended until the battle of navarino prevented me my buttons might have given me unlimited success in the celestial empire the chinese like ourselves have five orders of nobility they are indicated by spherical buttons the chinese nobles however wear them on the top of their caps whilst our nobility wear their pearls and strawberry leaves and there are memorial bearings it is a curious circumstance that the most anciently civilized nation should have invented an order of knighthood almost exactly similar to our own the order of the peacocks feather which like our own garter is confined to certain classes of nobility of the highest rank of the two the decoration of the chinese noble is certainly the more graceful one out of many illustrations may show the use i made of a button during my first visit to venice i wish to see a manufacturing of gold chains for which that city is justly celebrated i readily got permission and the proprietor was so good as to accompany me round his factory i had inquired the price of various chains and had expressed my wish to purchase a few inches of each kind but i was informed that they never sold less than a brachia of any one chain this amount would have made my purchase more costly than i proposed so i gave it up the value of a button in the meantime we proceeded through several rooms in which various processes were going on observing some tools in one of the shops i took up a file and asked once it was procured this led to a conversation on the subject in which the proprietor gave me some account of files from different countries but concluded by observing that the Lancashire files when they could be got were by far the best i took this opportunity of asking him whether he had seen any of our latest productions in steel then pulling out of my waistcoat pocket the piece of hardened steel rolled by a diamond i put it into his hands the sun was shining brightly and he was very much interested with it i remarked that in a darkened room and with a single lamp it would be seen with still greater advantage a room was soon darkened and a single lamp produced and the effect was still more perfect my conductor then observed that his managing man was a very skillful workman and if i could afford the time he should much wish to show him this beautiful sight i said it always gave me pleasure to see and converse with a skillful workman and that i considered it as time well spent the master sent for his superintendent who being of a judicious turn of mind was lavish in admiring what his master approved the master himself gratified by this happy confirmation turning to me said that he would let me have pieces of any or all of his gold chains of any length however short i might wish them to be i thanked him for thus enabling me to make my countrymen appreciate the excellence of venetian workmanship and purchased small samples of every kind of chain that manufactured these on my return to london i weighed in measured and referred to them in the economy of manufacturers as illustrations of the different proportions in which skilled labor and the price of raw material occur in the same class of manufactured articles a friend of mine then at venice again visited that city about five years afterwards he subsequently informed me that he had purchased at the manufacturing i visited samples of gold chains about an inch or two long fixed on black velvet and that it formed a regular article of trade in some demand pulsations and inspirations a man may without being a proficient in any science and indeed with only the most limited knowledge of a small portion of it yet make himself useful to those who are most instructed however limited the path he may himself pursue he will insensibly acquire other information in return for that which he can communicate i will illustrate this by one of my own pursuits i possess the slightest possible acquaintance with the vast fields of animal life but at an early period i was struck by the numerical regularity of the pulsation and of the breathings it appeared to me that there must exist some relation between these two functions accordingly i took every opportunity of counting the numbers of pulsations and of the breathings of various animals the pig fair at pavia and the book fair at leapsig equally placed before me menageries in which i could collect such facts every zoological collection of living animals which i visited thus gained an additional interest and occasionally excited the attention of those in charge of it to making a collection of facts relating to that subject this led me at another period to generalize the subject of inquiry and to print a skeleton form for the constants of the class memelia it was reprinted by the british association at cambridge in 1833 and also at brussels in the travaux du congress général destatastique brussels 1853 i have so frequently been mortified by having the utterly undeserved reputation of knowing everything that i was led to inquire into the probable grounds of the egregious fallacy the most frequent symptom was an address of this kind now mr babbage will you who know everything kindly explain to me dot dot dot perhaps the thing whose explanation was required might be the meter of some ancient chinese poem or whether there were any large rivers in the planet mercury how to punch a hole in glass one of the most useful accomplishments for a philosophical traveler with which i'm acquainted i learned from a workman who taught me how to punch a hole in a sheet of glass without making a crack in it the process is very simple two center punches a hammer an ordinary bench vise and an old file are all the tools required these may be found in any blacksmith's shop having decided upon the part of the glass in which you wish to make the hole scratch across upon the desired spot with the point of the old file then turn the bit of glass over and scratch on the other side a similar mark exactly opposite to the former fix one of the small center punches with its point upwards in the vise let an assistant gently hold the bit of glass with its scratched point exactly resting upon the point of the center punch take the other center punch in your own left hand and place its point in the center of the upper scratch which is of course nearly if not exactly above the fixed center punch now hit the upper center punch a very slight blow with the hammer a mere touch is almost sufficient this must be carefully repeated two or three times the result of these blows will be to cause the center of the cross to be as it were gently pounded turn the glass over and let the slight cavity thus formed rest upon the fixed center punch repeat the light blows upon this side of the glass and after turning it two or three times a very small hole will be made through the glass it not unfrequently happens that a small crack occurs in the glass but with a little skill this can be cut out with the pain of the hammer the next process is to enlarge the hole and cut it into the required shape with the pain of the hammer this is accomplished by supporting the glass upon the point of the fixed center punch very close to the edge required to be cut a light blow must then be struck with the pain of the hammer upon the edge to be broken this must be repeated until the required shape is obtained the principles on which it depends are that glass is a material breaking in every direction with a concoital fracture and that the vibrations which would have caused cracking or fracture are checked by the support of the fixed center punch in close contiguity with the part to be broken off when by hastily performing this operation I have caused the glass to crack I frequently by using more care cut an opening all around the cracked part and so let it drop out without spreading cutting a hole in glass this process is rendered still more valuable by the use of the diamond I usually carry to my travels a diamond mounted on a small circle of wood so that I could easily cut out circles of glass with small holes in the center the description of this process is sufficient to explain it to an experienced workman but if the reader should wish to employ it his readiness plan would be to ask such a person to show him how to do it the above technical description will doubtless be rather dry and obscure to the general reader so I hope to make him amends by one or two of the consequences which have resulted to me from having instructed others in the art the grateful glacier in the year 1825 during a visit to Devonport I had apartments in the house of a glacier of whom one day I inquired whether he was acquainted with the arch of punching a hole in glass to which he answered in the negative and expressed great curiosity to see it done finding that at a short distance there was a blacksmith whom he sometimes employed we went together to pay him a visit and having selected from his rough tools the center punches and the hammer I proceeded to explain and execute the whole process with which my landlord was highly delighted on the eve of my departure I asked for the landlord's account which was duly sent up and quite correct except the omission of the charge for the apartments which I had agreed for at two guineas a week I added the four weeks for my lodgings and the next morning having placed the total amount upon the bill I sent for my host in order to pay him remarking that he had omitted the principal article of his account which I had inserted he replied that he had intentionally omitted the lodgings as he could not think of taking payment for them from a gentleman who had done him so great a service quite unconscious of having rendered him any service I asked him to explain how I had done him any good he replied that he had the contract for the supply and repair of the whole of the lamps of Devonport and that the art in which I had instructed him would save him more than 20 pounds a year I found some difficulty in prevailing on my grateful landlord to accept what was justly his due modesty rewarded the second instance I shall mention of the use to which I turned this art of punching a hole in glass occurred in Italy at Bologna I spent some weeks very agreeably in that celebrated university which is still proud of having had the discoverer of the circulation of the blood amongst its students one morning an Italian friend accompanied me round the town to point out the more remarkable shops and manufactures passing through a small street he remarked that there was a very well informed man who kept a little shop for the sale of needles and tape and a few other such articles but who also made barometers and thermometers and had a very respectable knowledge of such subjects I proposed that we should look in upon him as we were passing through the street on entering his small shop I was introduced to its tenant who conversed very modestly and very sensibly upon various mathematical instruments I had invited several of my friends and professors to spend the evening with me at my hotel for the purpose of examining various instruments I had brought with me I knew that the sight of them would be quite a treat to the occupier of this little shop so I mentioned the idea to my friend and inquired whether my expected guests in the evening would think I had taken a liberty with them in inviting the humble constructor of instruments at the same time my friend and conductor immediately replied that he was well known to most of the professors and much respected by them and that they would think it very kind of me to give him that opportunity of seeing the instruments I possessed I therefore took the opportunity of asking him to join the very agreeable party which assembled in my apartments in the evening pretension repressed we now made a tour of the city and reached the factory of the chief philosophical instrument maker of Bologna he took great pleasure in showing me the various instruments he manufactured but still there was a certain air of presumption about him which seemed to indicate a less amount of knowledge than I should otherwise have assigned to him I had on the preceding day mentioned to my Italian friend who now accompanied me that there existed a very simple method of punching a hole in a piece of glass which as he was much interested about it I promised to show him on the earliest opportunity finding myself in the workshop of the first instrument maker in Bologna and observing the few tools I wanted I thought it a good opportunity to explain the process to my friend but I could only do this by applying to the master for the loan of some tools I also thought it possible that the method was known to him and that having more practice he would do the work better than myself I therefore mentioned the circumstance of my promise and asked the master whether he was acquainted with the process his reply was yes we do it every day I then handed over to him the punch and the piece of glass declaring that a mere amateur who only occasionally practiced it could not venture to operate before the first instrument maker in Bologna and his own workshop I had observed a certain shade of surprise glance across the face of one of the workmen who heard the assertion of this daily practice of his masters and as I had my doubts of it I can try to put him in such a position that he must either retract his statement or else attempt to do the trick awful smash he then called for a flat piece of iron with a small hole in it placing the piece of glass upon the top of this bit of iron and holding the punch upon it directly above the aperture he gave a strong blow of the hammer and smashed the glass into 100 pieces I immediately began to console him remarking that I did not myself always succeed and that unaccountable circumstances sometimes defeated the skill of even the most accomplished workmen I then advised him to try a larger piece of glass footnote the larger the piece of glass to be punched the more certainly the process succeeds end of footnote just after the crash I had put my hand upon a heavier hammer which I immediately withdrew on his perceiving it thus encouraged he called for a larger piece of glass and a bit of iron with a smaller hole in it in the meantime all the men in the shop rested from their work to witness this feat of everyday occurrence their master now sees to the heavier hammer which I previously just touched finding him preparing for a strong and decided blow I turned aside my head in order to avoid seeing him blush and also to save my own face from the coming cloud of splinters I just saw the last triumphant flourish of the heavy hammer waving over his head and then heard on its thundering fall the crash made by the thousand fragments of glass which it scattered over the workshop I still however felt it my duty to administer what consolation I could to a fellow creature in distress so I repeated to him which was the truth that I too occasionally failed then looking at my watch and observing to my companion that these tools were not adapted to my mode of work I reminded him that we had a pressing engagement I then took leave of the celebrated instrument maker with many thanks for all he had shown me after such a misadventure I thought it would be cruel to invite him to meet the learned professors who would be assembled at my evening party especially as I knew that I should be asked to show my friends a process with which he'd assured me he was so familiar the unpretending maker of thermometers and barometers did however join the party and the kind and considerate manner in which my guests of the university and of the city treated him raised both parties in my estimation I will hear it mentioned another mode of treating glass which may occasionally be found worth communicating ground glass is frequently employed for transmitting light into an apartment whilst it effectually prevents persons on the outside from seeing into the room rough plate glass is now in very common use for the same purpose in both these circumstances there is a reciprocity for those who are within such rooms cannot see external forms rough glass may transparent it may in some cases be desirable partially to remedy this difficulty in my own case I cut with my diamond a small disc of window glass about two inches in diameter and cemented it with canada balsam to the rough side of my rough plate glass I then suspended a circular piece of card by a thread so as to cover the circular disk when the canada balsam is dry it fills up all the little inequalities of the rough glass with a transparent substance of nearly the same refracting power consequently on drawing aside the suspended card the forms of the external objects become tolerably well defined the smooth surface of the rough plate glass not being perfectly flat produces a slight distortion which might if it were worthwhile be cured by cementing another disk of glass upon that side in case the ground glass itself happens to be plate glass the image of external objects is perfect occasionally I met in the course of my travels with various things which though not connected with my own pursuits might be highly interesting to others if the cost suited my purse and the subject was easily carried or the specimen of importance I have in many instances purchased them such was the case with respect to that curious creature the Proteus anguinius a creature living only in the waters of dark caverns which has eyes but the eyelids cannot open the caves of adelsberg when I visited the caves of adelsberg in steria I inquired whether any of these singular creatures could be procured I purchased all I could get being six in number I conveyed them in large bottles full of river water which I changed every night during the greater part of their journey the bottles were placed in large leather and bags lashed to the barouche seat of my collage the first of these pets died at vienna and another at Prague after three months two only survived and reached Berlin where they also died I fear for my servant having supplied them with water from a well instead of from a river at night they were usually placed in a large wash hand basin of water covered over with a napkin they were very excitable under the action of light on several occasions when I visited them at night with a candle one or more have jumped out of their watery home these rare animals were matters of great interest to many naturalists whom I visited in my rambles and procured for me several agreeable acquaintances when their gloomy lives terminated I preserved them in spirits and sent the specimens to the collections of our own universities to India and some of our colonies when I was preparing materials for the economy of manufacturers I had occasion to travel frequently through our manufacturing and mining districts on these occasions I found the travelers in or the travelers room was usually the best adapted to my purpose both in regard to economy and to information as my inquiries had a wide range I found ample assistance in carrying them on nobody doubted that I was one of the craft but opinions were widely different as to the department in which I practiced my vocation in one of my tours I passed a very agreeable week at the commercial hotel at Sheffield the society of the travelers room is very fluctuating many of its frequenters arrive at night have supper breakfast early the next morning and are off soon after others make rather a longer stay one evening we sat up after supper much later than as usual discussing a variety of commercial subjects guesses at my vocation when I came down rather late to breakfast I found only one of my acquaintance of the previous evening remaining he remarked that we had had a pretty agreeable party last night in which I cordially concurred he referred to the intelligent remarks of some of the party in our discussion and then added that when I left them they began to talk about me I merely observed that I felt myself quite safe in their hands but should be glad to profit by their remarks it appeared when I retired for the night they debated about what trade I traveled for the tall gentleman in the corner said my informant maintain that you were in the hardware line whilst the fat gentleman who sat next to you at supper was quite sure that you were in spirit trade another of the party declared that they were both mistaken he said he had met you before and that you were traveling for a great iron master well said I you I presume knew my vocation better than our friends yes said my informant I knew perfectly well that you were in the Nottingham lace trade the waiter now appeared with his bill and announced that my friend's trap was at the door the philosopher found out I had passed nearly a week at the commercial end without having broken the eleventh commandment but the next day I was doomed to be found out a groom in the gay livery of the Fitzwilliams having fruitlessly searched for me at all the great hotels at last in despair thought of inquiring for me at the commercial hotel the landlady was sure I was not staying in her house but in deference to the groom's urgent request went to make inquiries amongst her guests I was the first person she questioned and was of course obliged to admit the impeachment the groom brought a very kind note from the late Lord Fitzwilliam who had heard of my being in Sheffield to invite me to spend a week at Wentworth I gladly availed myself of this invitation and passed it very agreeably during the few first days the party in the house consisted of the family only then followed three days of open house when their friends came from great distances even as far as 60 or 80 miles and that at a period when railroads were unknown on the great day upwards of a hundred persons sat down to dinner a large number of whom slept in the house this was the first time the ancient custom of open house had been kept up at Wentworth since the death of the former Earl the celebrated Whig Lord Lieutenant of Yorkshire end of section 30 recording by Colleen McMahon section 31 of passages from the life of a philosopher this is a LibriVox recording our LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org passages from the life of a philosopher by Charles Babbage section 31 miracles after that portion of the difference engine which was completed had been for some months promoted from the workshop to my drawing room I met two of my friends from Ireland Dr. Lloyd the present provost of Trinity College and Dr. Robinson of Armagh I invited them to breakfast that they might have a full opportunity of examining its structure I invited also another friend to meet them the late professor Malthus after breakfast we are turned to the drawing room I then proceeded to explain the mechanism of the engine and to cause it to calculate tables one of the party remarked two axes in front of the machine which had not hitherto been performing any work and inquired for what purpose they were so placed I informed him that these axes had been so placed in order to illustrate the series of calculations of the most complicated kind to which they contributed I observed that the tables thus formed were of so artificial and abstract a nature that I could not foresee the time when they would be of any use this remark additionally excited their curiosity and they requested me to set the machine at work to compute such a table having taken a simple case of this kind I set the engine to do its work and then told them that it was now prepared to count the natural numbers but that it would obey this law only as far as the millions term laws changing at very distant intervals that after that term it would commence a series following a different but known law for a very long period that after this new law had been fulfilled for another long period it would then suddenly abandon it and calculate the terms of a series following another new law and so on throughout all time of course it was impossible to verify these assertions by making the machine actually actually go through the calculations but after having made the engine count the natural numbers for some time I proceeded to point out the fact that it was impossible by its very structure that the machine could record any but the natural numbers before it reached the number 999,990 this I made evident to my friends by showing them the actual structure of the engine having demonstrated this to their entire satisfaction I put the machine on to the number 999,990 and continued to work the engine when the result I had predicted soon arrived after the millions term a new law was taken up and my friends were convinced that it must from the very structure of the machine continue for a very long time and then inevitably give place to another new law and so on throughout all time when they were quite satisfied about this fact I observed that in a new engine which I was then contemplating it would be possible to set it so that first it should calculate the table for any given length of time according to any given law second that at the termination of that time it should cease to compute the table according to that law but that it should comment a new table according to any other given law that might be desired and should then continue this computation for any other given period third that this succession of a new law coming in and continuing during any desired time and then giving place to other new laws in endless but known succession might be continued indefinitely I remarked that I did not conceive the time ever could arrive when the results of such calculations would be of any utility I added however that they offered a striking parallel with although at an immeasurable distance from the successive creations of animal life as developed by the vast epochs of geological time the flash of intellectual light which illuminated the countenances of my three friends at this unexpected juxtaposition was most gratifying encouraged by the quick apprehension with which these views had been accepted I continued the subject and pointed out the application of the same reasoning to the nature of miracles the same machine could be set in such a manner that these laws might exist for any assigned number of times whether large or small also that it was not necessary that these laws should be different but the same law might when the machine was set be ordered to reappear after any desired interval thus we might suppose an observer watching the machine to see a known law continually fulfilled until after a lengthened period when a new law has been appointed to come in this new law might after a single instance sees and the first law might again be restored and continue for another interval when the second new law might again govern the machine as before for a single instance and then give place to the original law this property of a mere piece of mechanism may have a parallel in the laws of human life that all man die is the result of a vast induction of instances that one or more man at given times shall be restored to life maybe as much a consequence of the law of existence appointed for man at his creation as the appearance and reappearance of the isolated cases of apparent exception in the arithmetical machine miracles and prophecy but the workings of machinery run parallel to those of intellect the analytical engine might be so set that at definite periods known only to its maker a certain lever might become movable during the calculations then making the consequence of moving it might be to cause the then existing law to be violated for one or more times after which the original law would resume its reign of course the maker of the calculating engine might confide this fact to the person using it who would thus be gifted with the power of prophecy if he foretold the event or of working a miracle at the proper time if he withheld his knowledge from those around until the moment of its taking place singular points of curves such is the analogy between the construction of machinery to calculate and the occurrence of miracles a further illustration may be taken from geometry curves are represented by equations in certain curves there are portions such as ovals disconnected from the rest of the curve by properly assigning the values of the constants these ovals may be reduced to single points these singular points may exist upon a branch of a curve or may be entirely isolated from it yet these points fulfill by then positions the law of the curve as perfectly as any of those which by their juxtaposition and continuity form any of its branches miracles therefore are not the breach of established laws but they are the very circumstances that indicate the existence of far higher laws which at the appointed time produced their pre-intended results in 1835 the british association visited Dublin i had been anxious to promote this visit from political as well as scientific motives i had several invitations to the residences of my friends in that hospitable country but i thought i could be of more use by occupying apartments in trinity college which had kindly been placed at my disposal by the provost and fellows after i had enjoyed the college hospitality during three or four days i was walking with an intimate friend who suggested to me that i was giving great cause of offence to my learned hosts not having the slightest idea how this could have a reason i anxiously inquired by what inadvertence i had done so he observed that it arose from my dress i looked at the various articles of my costume with the critical eye and could discover nothing exaggerated in any portion of it i then begged my friend to explain how i had unconsciously offended in that respect he replied your waistcoat is of a bright green i became still more puzzled until he remarked that i was wearing a kennel's colors in the midst of the protestant university whose guest i was difficulty of choosing a decent waistcoat i thanked my friend sincerely and requested him to accompany me to my rooms that i might change the offending waistcoat my traveling wardrobe was not large and unfortunately we found in it no entirely unobjectionable waistcoat i therefore put on an under waistcoat with a light blue border and requested him to accompany me to a tailor's that i might choose an inoffensive color as i was not to remain long in doubling i wished to select a waistcoat which might do double service as not too gay for the morning and not too dull for the evening on arriving at the tailor's he placed before me a profusion of beautiful silks which i was assured contained all the newest and most approved patterns out of these i selected 10 or a dozen as best suit in my own taste i then requested him to remove from amongst them any which might be considered as a party emblem he took each of them rapidly up and tossing it to another part of the counter pronounced the whole batch to a pertain to one party or the other thus limited in my choice i was compelled to adopt a waistcoat of all work of rather gayer colors than good taste would willingly have selected for morning use i explained to the night of the thimble my dilemma he swore upon the honor of his order that the finished waistcoat should be at my rooms in the college punctually as the clock struck eight the next morning during the rest of the day i buttoned up my coat and the broad light blue border of my thin under waistcoat was alone visible my modesty however was a little uneasy lest it should be thought that i was wearing the decoration of a wealthy night i rose early the next morning eight o'clock arrived but no waistcoat the college breakfast in the hall was punctual at the quarter past eight eight twenty had arrived but still no waistcoat at last at half past eight the squire of the faithless night of the thimble arrived with the west thus equipped i rushed to the hall and found that my college friends had waited for my arrival i explained to the dean that i had been detained by an unpunctual tailor who had not brought home my waistcoat until half an hour after the appointed time we then commenced the serious business which assembled us together the breakfast was superb and the society delightful i enjoyed them both being fortunately quite unconscious that every eye was examining the artistic and aesthetic garment with which i had been so recently invested i thus acquired for a time the character of a dandy of the first water it has not unfrequently been my fate in life to have gained the character for worth or worthlessness upon grounds quite as absurd which i have afterwards seldom taken the trouble to explain the reverend sj mclean fellow trinity college doubling the dean however quickly saw through the outer covering and before the meeting was over i felt that a friendship had commenced which time could only strengthen one day whilst we were walking together mclean told me that he had heard with great interest from one of his colleagues of some use of mine relative to miracles which he wished much to hear from my own lips i remarked that the explanation of them would require much more time than we could afford during the bustle of the association but that i should afterwards at any quiet time be delighted to discuss them with him after the meeting of the british association terminated i made a short tour to visit some of my friends in the north of ireland on my return to doubling i again found mclean and had the good fortune to enjoy his society in a tour which we took to kilarney the author preaches a sermon on the bank of kilarney one fine morning as we were walking together it being sunday mclean looking somewhat doubtfully at me asked whether i had any objection to go to church i replied none whatever and turned towards the church before we reached it an idea occurred to my mind and i said mclean you asked me in the midst of the bustle at doubling about my views respecting miracles have you any objection to take a walk with me by the side of the lake and i will give you a sermon upon that subject not the least replied my friend and we turned immediately towards the banks of that beautiful lake i then proceeded to explain that those views of the apparently successive creations opened out to us by geology are in reality the fulfillment of one far more comprehensive law i pointed out that a miracle instead of being a violation of a law is in fact the most eminent fulfillment of a vast law that it bears the same relation to an apparent law that singular points of a curve bear to the visible form of that curve my friend inquired whether i had published anything upon these subjects on my answering in the negative he strongly urged me to do so i remarked upon the extreme difficulty of making them intelligible to the public reverting again to the singular points of curves i observed that the illustration which in a few words i had placed before him would be quite unintelligible even to men of cultivated minds not familiar with the doctrine of curves we had now arrived at a bench on which we sat mclean wrapped up in the new views thus opened out to his mind remained silent for a long interval at last turning towards me he made these remarks how wonderful it is here i am bound by the duties of my profession to inquire into the attributes of the creator bound still more strongly by an intense desire to do so possessing like yourself the same powerful signs to aid my inquiries and yet within this last short half hour you have opened to me views of the creator surpassing all of which i have hitherto had any conception these views had evidently made a very deep impression on his mind amidst the beautiful scenery in the south of ireland he frequently reverted to the subject and having accompanied me to waterford offered to cross the channel with me if i could spend one single day at milford heaven unfortunately long previous arrangements prevented this delay i parted from my friend who though thus recently acquired seemed from the coincidence of our thoughts and feelings to have been the friend of my youth a little thought on parting that one whom i so much admired so highly esteemed would in a few short months be separated forever from the friends who loved him and from the society he adorned end of section 31 recording by gladia star and gucker