Hey everybody, today I'll be reading you Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed To Do At an RPG, numbers 1-100. If you wish to read along, there will be the TV tropes link and also the actual blog post where it originated from in the description as well as links to other places on my channel. Alright, we'll start with number 1. Cannot Base Characters Off The Who's Drummer Keith Moon A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument. There is no gnomish god of heavy artillery. My 7C character, Bodru, is not Southern Montague. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on one-point professional skills. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes. How to serve dragons is not a cookbook. My monk's lips must be in sync. It's because my character and I can speak German doesn't mean the GM can.  Must learn at least one offensive and defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep no matter how cliche they are. Ogres are not kosher. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory. No damaged man is not an appropriate name for a superhero. When surrendering, I am to hand the sword over hilt first. Drought are not good at eating. Polka is not appropriate at marching music. No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star trench run out of genre. There is no such thing as a gnomish pygmy war rhino. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 blue wells. The green elf does not need food badly.  I am not to shoot every corpse in the head and make sure they aren't a zombie in Twilight 2000. The goddess of marriage chosen weapon is not the whip. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on the back.  The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most hit points at the time. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over. There is no such skill as improvised cooking. I am not allowed to base any droid off of any character played by Joe Pesci. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to sit on the same side of the table. They do not make black market illegal cyber weapons for rodents. When investigating evil cults, not allowed to just torch to the crepit mansion from the outside, gnomes do not have the racial ability to catalyse their eyebrows. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes. Gnomes do not have the racial ability impromptu kicks dead. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check. No longer allowed to set Nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 101-point skills. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer felon says so. They do not make nair in wiki sizes. The elf has restricted the decaf for the rest of the adventure.  Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs cave instead of exploring it first. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls. My bar does not know how to play Inagata DeVita on maracas. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton. Cannot pimp out other party members. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint. In the middle of a black-up, I cannot ask a guard to validate parking. Expended ammunition is not of business expense. Not allowed to pose the netrunner in embarrassing positions when he is on a run. Not allowed to short-sheet the bedroll of impotent deities. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCGE-8 saves him. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbled uniforms, say please. My paladin's battle cry is not good for the good god. There is no summon bimbo spell. Not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except once the party speaks. There is no kung fu maneuver, maguire swings from bleachers. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs. There is more to wizardry than magic missile, even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save. Not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink in if the target number is 5. There is no annoy setting on a phaser. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he is an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out. Not allowed to name my cudgel ceremonial whoop-ass stick. My deest battle cry is not run and live. Never is it you take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating. I do not get my superpowers from James T. Kirk. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan. I am not liquid metal. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon. Victory left after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.  Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pool crossbow. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial-strength flamethrower. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the negative 10 penalty for a successful cold shot. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana. My bard does not get a bonus to perform as she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard. The elf's name is not LEGO lamb. My swashbuckling flop cannot take the flaw of dark secret, not gay. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon. The name of the weapon shop is not Blood Bath and Beyond. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire bore for a mount again. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither Jean Simmons or Bluto Blutarski. I was not put the thunder god on the spot again. No making up pole arms. My one wish cannot be I wish everything on this piece of paper was true. There is no such thing as speed polka. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsabers. When any character from a D-20 sourcebook is allowed, that doesn't include system lords. Welcome back to the things Mr. Welch is not allowed to do in our RPG numbers 101-200. I am not allowed to pave anything. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime. There is no such thing as a club three of cup checks. Or is there a one long sword five against party members? I am not allowed to polymorph anyone to aave the goda. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat. There is no such game as wear a shark to buffet. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that star destroyer. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck. I did not pick the Garrett skill last week from my grandmother. If the gun can't fit through the X-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane. My droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nichols in siliquy. The demi-litch only falls for getting stuffed into the bag of holding once. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final supervillain showdown. I am restricted to memorizing floating discs only once per day. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave cleaning services incorporated. The paladin's alignment is not lawful anal. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the powergamer has point. I cannot insert the words kill, fill, sorry, fill into any list of instructions. Laundry can only snap coincidentally so many times per day. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals. Not allowed to download AOL-6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe. Polka gnomes exist only in my mind. Not allowed to name my ship to anti-disestablish materialism. I am not authorized to form the head. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces. There is no such feat called death blossom. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round. The Kingsguard official name is not the royal order of the red shirt. I cannot demand payment in electrum, I mean back robes or bubble wrap. I cannot start the 7C campaign with three confirmed dragon kills. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy. If the mere thought of it costs the other sanity, I am forbidden from doing it. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot just play by ear. The Dutch language does not exist in the forgotten realms. My maid does not know kung fu.  Not allowed to buy a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right. There is no such thing as pleasure armor. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence, so everybody now is asked for their Terence E. Wozinski when signing documents. Not allowed to play in Australia in any game set before 1600. Guards are not allowed to have Norse ancestry. There is no gnomish desk grip, and even if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in a suppository format. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower. When the guy is at negative nine hit points, it is not the best time for my cleric to convert him. I will not propose to every noble woman at the royal ball until I crit my charisma check. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason. When one person forgets to buy rations, eating the half elf is not our first option. Any capital scale weapon is not my little friend. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells. Guards do not double as trash disposals. I will not load any gatlin weapon with nothing but paint rounds. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy. Whatever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds. I am not the tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career choice. I am forbidden from replacing anything with Folger's crystals to see if they notice. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen Elvis LP collection. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason. I was also not recruited by twelve dwarves in a wizard to rob a dragon. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility. I cannot name my character X-A-G-Y-G or any anagram thereof. My character's dying words are not allowed to be Haster, Haster, Haster. At no point can I justify spending Force Point on a seduction check. I am not allowed to re-create Veer's March of the AT-ATs on Zentil Keep. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the news. I cannot make called shots to the Plectrum, Anvil, Sturrup, Hammer, or Isle of Lingerhens. Stinking clouds of privilege, not a right. There is no profanities in Celestial. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty. I have neither the touch nor the power. I cannot cloak Shakespeare and Crenos. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any D-20 supplement. A starting character has no need for one hundred gold pieces worth of hemp rope. My bar does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl. No cutting line to be a god. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GMP. I cannot play an elf with a Scottish accent nor a Cajun dwarf. To wretch is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character of creation. Dual wielding small animals is strictly forbidden. My character is not related in any way to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols. I cannot use a silent feat-enabled power word stun and blame it on the dog. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another country. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin minutes to his country just to stay sharp. Not allowed to steal my own soul. My third wish cannot be I wish he wouldn't grant this wish. I cannot name my character cliché canon characters from other systems. I cannot name my character cliché canon characters from other systems. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Kant. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words, Slavic, tone-death, karaoke, and musician. My superhero's strength is not classified as snazzy, nido, or bodacious.  My third edition Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thaco. I cannot forge a one sort of Brad's Men Max Paladin monk slaying. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel. Steamroller, nerve gas, landmine, midget. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical Bek the Corvins. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face. My anti-Paladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuck. If at any point, if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start at a brothel. I am not the patron saint of common sense. There is no prestige class drich slayer. They do not make heavy weapons and pump action. There is an upper limit to the number of bozo booster-gangers I can get in a Volkswagen. But the weapon is capable of sticking vampires hiding behind engine blocks. I can't have it. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just the other guys.  If I get that Ugo up to 120 miles per hour again, that's gonna get some paradox. Druids are not against my religion. I cannot convince the solo he had the Cortex bomb when he really doesn't. I cannot insinuate elf tricks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you? I am forbidden from monologuing. Troll bubblegum, bad idea. My last wish cannot be, I wish we were playing another game. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler or Hooker in 1920, thus avoiding World War II. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch. There is no such thing as monofilament to floss. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Doctor Who in Krenos. If I am the MedTech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine. My character does not get D-34 hit points a level. My Sameti is required to have dots and obstrucate, plural as in more than one, two more than none. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in a neighbor's garage. Not allowed to use more than three words per game as the GM has to look up the definition. My bard cannot play or is ever heard of the Theramen Digirudu or Glass Armonica. My rocker boy cannot play or is ever heard of the Theramen Digirudu or Glass Armonica. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed. Cannot use the Jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.  Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in eight different languages because they forgot to take any. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip joint. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always-naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am assumed he intends for me to keep it a forest. There is no halfling god of groin shots. If a blackout requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot build a target for overtime. Superfluous man is not a viable superhero concept. I am not the boogey-woogie-boogle-boy of Gundam Wing Z. I cannot order the druid to transform and roll out. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death. I cannot blow five paradox in. A police lineup, the candy aisle of Kroger's, the Miss America pageant. I cannot create a superhero that can palm the moon. The following cleric domains do not exist. Wet T-shirts, atheism, keggers. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor 5. My Highlander's name cannot be McCammer. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in Bobsled. The barbarian's name does not translate into screams like sissy little girl in my language. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises. Not allowed to attempt to kill the hut by pouring salt on them. I cannot use the time machine to go to ancient Greece where all the women were leather-clad oiled down with big bosoms. It is soon my mech warrior knows at least what one of the buttons in his cockpit does. At the end of a black ops, I cannot crank call C-swat on the target phone. I cannot yell Free Bird every time the bard makes a perform roll. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person. My character cannot hear the soundtrack. I cannot derail the adventure for a two-hour in-character discussion on the qualities of rope. Tracheotomies are best left the character with skills in medicine. No skill allows specializing in defense and illustration. No matter how smart I make my animal companions, he cannot take the tax accountant skill. I cannot commune with the gods during peak hours. I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy. I must remember at dinner time Log is not a elven delicacy. My half ogre cannot surprise the half-linked with spontaneous games of dodgeball. Anything the DM has to ponder the full effect of for more than a minute is forbidden. I cannot base any elf off of any British Prime Minister. Thermal nuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except paranoia. I cannot get emotionally attached to any generic nondescript unnamed NPC. Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still does not restore any of my hit points. I have been assured, with total certainty, Ralph is not a Japanese name. When the CO asks for volunteers, I cannot help others make a decision. I am not from Margaritaville, and anyone who was that doesn't excuse the Hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection. No character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any misdemeanor. When asked for advice before a fight, don't wet yourself in public as not what they were looking for. I cannot name my character after another NPC already in this game. My character does not have the flaw Addiction Helium. I cannot figure that the dungeons we're in is the Pac-Man maze and pointed out to the rest of the party. I cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final monster in the dungeon. I cannot take all the monsters I've killed to the taxi dermis after the adventure. Clown shoes have no place in the dungeon crawl. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise my elf is not agoraphobic. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity. I cannot make called shots with a crusured weapon. I cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys of the New Years and tell them they are Roman candles. Spreads to the sea bang bang is not real German. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep. I cannot give the rebel operatives the code names Luke, Han, Chewie, or Yoda. Well hung is not a physical, social, or mental trait. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Bert Reynolds. My life-long nemesis is not allowed to be the unsuspecting cleric sitting across the table from me. Anything my character does that ends up as a rata I am retroactively prohibited from doing. Chaotic evil deities do not have hymnals. Even if he can use them from the start my barbarian can't specialize in fencing weapons. A mouth suit is not proper guard for my Shuginja. I cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets, or bear traps. I cannot spend all my points on just followers. Even if the rules allow it I cannot start the game as Pope. I am not the son, father, husband, ex-room mate, former professor, or retired garbage man of the villain. My British super spy does not get a re-roll in a seduction check if his church gets ripped off. After religion I cannot put Xenu. My gnome cannot save point on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere. My character is not allowed to commit suicide five minutes into the campaign. My battle cry is not, now young Skywalker you will die. Vampiric cows are not the fast food innovation of the future. My character does not have the flaw dark secret I am Kilroy. The sultan does not want a treasure bath. The monk's official title is brother of the lotus path, not the slap happy jappy. My bard knows more songs than just I saw your mommy. I cannot start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease. I cannot start the game pregnant. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept. I cannot accumulate two hundred points of flaws for hackmaster. I am not allowed to decide which one of us is the chosen one. I cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting. Not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removing the hinges on the door. The half limb paladin does not represent the lollipop guild. I cannot invoke consecrate weapon on a man of war. I cannot spend character points to buy imaginary friends. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means. Pinball is not specialization for wizards. When installed in cyberware, can't install the clapper as a built-in feature. Can't start a Cthulhu character with a pre-existing hatred of books, alters, and cutlery. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control twenty thousand pigeons and use them as flying piranha. Every character named El Rabadico Jorafedet Viego is begging to be vetoed. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse can't find a sitter. I cannot start the game married to another PC without their consent. Not allowed to declare myself a free agent and take offers from other adventuring parties. After the first adventure, I cannot write a tell-all book about the party. I must remember loyalty to not share the same love of parody as my bard. No matter how much I make my IQ roll by, I cannot make the other guys' head explode. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf either. I most certainly do not have weapon proficiency in a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range. If I'm not the Decker, I can't do anything I saw on Tron once. The rest of the party appreciates it if I don't start the game in cyberpsychosis. Power word beer me is not a real spell. I am not allowed to buzz anything. I cannot take skill profession ichthysist. When I choose my wizards' familiar, Belgians are not a legal choice. I cannot pick a destroy that makes the Veritech pilots feel inadequate.  My monk's battle cry is not round one, fight! No matter how well I roll, the quack skill is not a substitute for the doctor skill. I cannot disassemble a card under five minutes. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot make a character that gets double XP per game for showing up. Killing quicklings with marbles only works once. I must remind the GM that my blessed can raise dead before he runs another murder mystery again. It is not feasible for my archer to recreate Hudson's last stand. It is very unlikely my half ogre and the half elf, half dragon, tieflin, and asimore have the same dad. When challenged to the showdown, I meant to face him at ten paces with pistols, not ten blocks with a sharp big 50 cal. I am to avoid killing, upstaging, and seducing historical characters. Not allowed to set up the main villain with the mad scientist's sister. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along. My teleporter cannot stop the alien invasion with just a law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freaking asteroid. Not supposed to stop the soon to be cyber-psycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure. What happens in Sigil does not always stay in Sigil. No thinking of new creative and fun uses for cursed items. I must start the game blitzed, especially if I was stoned sober at the last game break. It is bad form for the queen to see my nipples. I am not to combine the advantage fearless and the disadvantage curious in the same character again. Killing the building does not add to my body count. The barbarian must remember that human shields the figure of speech. My character is required to have a minimum wisdom of ten, that way I have no excuses. I cannot give my character to moniker Tim the Barbarian, especially since he is the bard. I am to stop asking the elf to put a good word in for me for Santa. I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convince the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one. Men max for combat equals good. Men max for accounting equals bad. I can't bet the power gamer he can't solo the module. It is not okay to use ten thousand rounds to kill two centuries. The titles Viking and Obstetrician are mutually exclusive. All characters will use the bathroom before the dungeon crawl. The following words are not legal for the command spell. Prognosticate, theorize, notarize. I cannot give magic items super easy command words like is or the and activate when you say them. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees. My samurai is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster. My character's background must be more in-depth than a montage of queen lyrics. A starting paladin has no conceivable use for industrial lubricant. I am forbidden to see whether halflings or gnomes bounce higher. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option. If the light spell expires, no lighting is a dwarf. I cannot have any weapon that requires me to crank-start it first. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters. I will not tell new players that first level characters do not have a sense as a defense mechanism. No matter what popular media says, harpooned are not proper ninja weapons. When I have to pick a starting dementia, Stockholm syndrome is not appropriate. Check the door means to listen at it, not to put several rounds through it. When a virgin's sacrifice is demanded, I will not look knowingly at the paladin, that runner, or hermetic. No matter how many people I need to feed, I will not use MDC weapons to fish. My rigor does not get a bonus if his login code is up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-ab-ab-start. No subcontracting dungeon crawls. I will not name my character for the power of gaming campaign generic cleapath fighter number seven. The first rule of finnegan school is not do not talk about finnegan school. I will not blow all my starting funds on hookers and booze. If I have to sacrifice my fifth diet and resources to afford it, I can't have that gun. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile. If the NPC is on the cover of the rulebook, I can't kill him. It is bad for him to shoot a god while he's monologuing. I will not try to skip to the main boss dress like a singing telegram. The chaotic neutral alignment is forever close to me. If my stats are strength 10, dexterity 10, constitution 8, intelligence 16, wisdom 17, charisma 15, I'd better not be the half-orc barbarian. My archmage will not join a party running keep on the borderlands of the ringer. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm. The solution to all my problems is not Krenos. Steel-toed boots do not add to my AC. Spankings generally will not change evil alignments. For the king of the example of a good battle cry, smoke the mother is not. I will not convince the GM's new girlfriend to play a psychotic combat monster. My marital status does not affect in any way my fear checks. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck. I cannot liven up the adventure with snapping musical numbers, even if they did it on the TV show. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill. 30 minutes after a massive battle against Cathayans, I am not bloodthirsty again. I cannot do anything I saw Jackie Chan do once, even if I am in home depot at the moment. I will never create a plan that first hinges on the invention of Velcro. If the character is in depth, his only language cannot be Amslan. Spray paint is not a substitute for proper camouflage. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words and hope they miss a lot. Can I put anything featuring Calvin on my Starfighter?  Never again will I convince a player to keep a character named Stumpy McLauncher. No bribing the DM's new girlfriend with chocolate so he'll go easy on us. Even if my cleric has the domains of wealth and healing, doesn't give me the right to start an HMO. From now on my Highlander will refrain from dancing the can-can. The ability to afflict everyone 150 feet with herpes and unassessable superpower. I will not start the game with a toddler just to rack up massive stat bonuses as I age. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions. There is an upper limit on the number of people a bullet will go through. When told to be subtle, playing a foul mount chain smoking squirrel is not a good choice. Zombies are not infectious in D&D, so as to stop shooting PCs and to hit if they are bitten. Whether it's fair or not, my thief will not insist we take turns checking for traps. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with a little less lawful with a little more good. Ninjas are not ablative. If the NPC is critical to the plot later, I cannot crit him four times in one round. I will not attempt to unionize the brutes. I will not switch to an entirely new class every single time of level. When told to distract the villainous, they didn't mean with a surprised marriage proposal. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters. I will not redefine the term trapdoor, though sticking a vampire with anything larger than its chest cavity. Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems. I cannot put my familiar up for stud. I did not invent the wet tabard contest. When I'm in the mood is not a valid trigger for a contingency spell. The vampire clan with Visitude is not pronounced Carl. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer with lawful good. Tasha's uncontrollably hideous sister is not a real spell. First watch is not for accordion practice. Even if it is hip to be square, I still can't play a modron. Second watch is not for starting up pickup rugby games with wandering monsters. After successful black ops, I will not leave paint bombs under all the boardroom seat cushions. Third watch is not closing optional. There is no accidentally slipping a smite evil into a pillow fight. If the party wakes up to find a chariot upside down a fountain, I better not be the prime, usual, or only suspect. If I wake up to find black cloaked figures in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings room. Sarcasm is wasted on imperial stormtroopers. I am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish. When my cleric is told to buff the elf, I know exactly what it means and may not misconstrue it in any way. No matter the CR of the monsters, no naked pookie dances upon victory. Blackened Decker does not make prosthetics. Can't trick the rest of the party into babysitting my kids. The alignment of two-year-olds is not automatically neutral evil. I cannot spay the vlogger. Castilians do not always end their sentences with the words areeba. As a matter of fact, dwarven battleguard in no way resembles angus young stage costume. I will not address fauner posin' with jowl mine leavin' off. I am forbidden from doing anything to end with a snarf, rimshot, or spit take. No uploading porn to my CO's hood. No downloading porn from my CO's hood. If the word mullet appears anywhere in my Samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed. My massage agent's battle cry is not Torah Torah Torah.  Nothing mating rituals do not include beer can crushin', power belching, or lintered skinner trivia. If I have to pull out of the dungeon because I'm low in hit points, no filing workmen's comp. No making up any strange hobbies just to get out of taking watch. Quoting Bob Dobbs while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting Bob Newhart is right out. Quoting Bob Dylan is just silly. If my faith is four and your faith is two, that doesn't mean Jesus loves me twice as much. Your boy is not an acceptable hireling for the dungeon crawl. I will not base any media character on Milo Bloom. I will not use a time machine to invade Germany on September 2nd, 1939 by surprise, securing Dutch domination of Europe. No supplying my own canned applause. While bardic music can increase skill rolls, bad jazz adds nothing to selection rolls. If someone in the party has a wisdom or intelligence lower than eight, I am forbidden from talking to them. A firefighter is not the best time to tell a party my medtech has a fear of blood. No inventing the minefield.  Even if playing a game allowing animal characters, Tai Chihuahua is not a good concept. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start ever since with me Grimlock! Dwarves do not get beard cancer. At the parties to frequently meet with Queen Victoria, I cannot play a Texan. My warrior cleric will not pick his datey solely on the God's B.A.B. My viking scald will not take liberties with the runic alphabet. My character cannot give another character the alcoholic disadvantage during play. I will not tell the newbie to roll his daco. I will not base my superpowers off of Christ, even my character is nothing like him.  When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be the Charleston. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my brawl skill. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending. No giving my Roman glider the short disadvantage of naming him Minimus. I am not the Lord of Rodley Might. Not allowed to name my character's Grimlock. I cannot make cold shots to their self-esteem. Affirmative action does not require me to play a drow. Dual-wielding party members is also frowned upon. Under no circumstances my medical droid allowed a groin-mounted rectal thermometer. I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the Cyberpunk campaign. Not allowed to parry at the wrist. When I am rescued, the correct response is thank you, not took your freaking time. I will not ask my gun for advice. Running a non-stop rocky horror fest for staked vampires is outside the budget for most Samedi. If an NPC is known as The One, I cannot volunteer to beat The Two. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the warple option for a forklift. I cannot buy every single advantage during character creation. My character is not from Duncan, Ohio. I cannot earn bonus XP for catching air with an MBT, so stop trying. No making up, no mis-subraces.  I cannot increase my comeliness by growing a porn stash. When I level up, I can't just copy the guy next to me's choices. I cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by opening a rival dungeon and hiring away all of his guards. If a power gamer joins our crew, I will not billet him the newly furnished auxiliary airlock. The cause-to-z spell cannot inflict nitrogen or coses. Even if I spend the points, I cannot start married to any of the X-Men. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up for automatically party knowledge. A full minute of stunned silence means, my God, what did you do? Not please continue.  No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything. There is more to buying rations and ramen, spam, and beer. I will not cast gate to buying an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him modulon. No going 100% trace around on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors. Guided party members while effective are not appropriate anti-grenade measures. Perform skill does not apply to the following. Performance art, spoken word, or fan dances. I cannot have a what-would-a-o-do bracelet. It is not physically possible to cook off an accordion. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders. Cannot install lowjack on the dragonkin.  No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Rush. Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a Geiger counter, I can't have it. There is not a take your daughter to work day for adventurers. Even if the ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion.  I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce. Swurf nibbling. Waste without trace doesn't work on bad checks. I can't make anyone Jewish with a call shot. The Lutherans don't have an inquisition. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3AM on PBS. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self-supporting blood bank. I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish. My first wish cannot be, I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish. All three of my wishes cannot involve alpacas. The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars. I will not secretly maize the wizard familiar, druid's companion or paladin's mount just for a laugh. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry one hundred pounds of styrofoam without encumbered penalties. Improved evasion does not work against SAVE vs DM. Address quickly in the dark is not an advantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk or merit. Even if I am a near immortal demigod with the power to create an entire world with a thought, still bad to throw a party when dad's away without permission. Can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.  Rectomancy is not a school of magic. Not my Death Star is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll. No fill on the paladin's stocking with coal on Christmas to make him wonder what he'd got to atone for. I can't thwart the rebel alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover. Can't intimidate the evil wither just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned. On second thought, a minotaur architect is a really bad idea. No using psychic power before the adventure to figure out who to take life insurance out on. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional flay setting from my pistol. No taunting the first level magic user with mighty bold talk for a guy with only four hit points. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it? If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale. I cannot convince the rival party our Q-ship has just named that because it's piloted by John Delancey. The fibulators do not allow me the use of the cleat feet. No matter how well I roll, other PCs cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me. Tenser's herniated disc is not a real spell. True to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill. I cannot pick a race for the prehensile anything. No dual wielding whips until I at least have proficiency with them. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a drowl matron mother. Any adventure ends up with my character being worshipped as an orc god with just a dream retroactively of need be. Cannot start the new adventure of me trying to run down whoever didn't show up for the last adventure. Even if I'm a wizard, I still can't apply embarrassing tattoos to the NPC. If we run out of cannonballs, armadillos will not do it a pinch. Fine familiar scrolls are not a substitute for the hunting skill. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva convention by name. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes gnomish poetry slams. Even if this is an adventuring party, I can't show up to the adventure drunk and wearing only a toga, lampshade, and half elf stripper. If my superpower is super growth, that includes my skin. An in-scale tuba player is not an appropriate miniature for my known bard. The answer to who's got point is not the fireball. No deity will let me use my nipples as holy symbols. I cannot name my character Dwed Pirate Wobberts. No initiating social challenges based only on the color of the werewolf's shoes. Every time a PC takes himself out through those stupidity does not let me sing the oompa-loompa song. I can't have a magic item I can't request with a straight face. My superhero tank must be high and weight-proportionate. One closed call with a mimic does not give me the right to attack every door I come across.  The forehead is not an appropriate place for a kill count hollow tattoo. No matter how much of my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not a substitute for a bayonet.  My blessed does not have the hindrance alien, Stigmata. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan. Paladins make poor Vikings and vice versa. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a dire gummy bear. When asked what my character is doing, it had better not be Da Vita Kinetic. I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way. Dwarves are not proper substitute for puffer fish. The GM decides my character dies from a stroke, not me. I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark. Just because they are all on the rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers. Replacing a solo's bullet with blanks so he comes in dead last and body count isn't funny. Medicine cabinets are not the best place to stash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty. When asked to tutor someone on his defensive trait, can't keep punching him until he gets it. When told to choose my weapon and a duel with the assassin, can't pick his weapon. Cannot recreate any scene in 2001 of space odyssey involving women's lingerie. Arguments cannot end with the statement, alright, we'll settle this like penguins. Recon means tell them what I saw, not slaughter all the monsters without them. German characters do not get four racial bonus to intimidate French characters. The DM is not impressed with me spoiling his well-planned ambush by just casting glassy on the door. Before hiding with all the werewolves ambushed a setite, make sure he didn't leave the lark four hours ago. Even if he loves me too, chitty-chitty bang-bang is not an appropriate choice for the romance background. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain one million XP with one forged check. No matter how much moose I use, my hair will never have damage resistance. No matter how high my face skill still can't take God as an ally. If the Game Store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over. Any answer to a question involving the words wizard, station wagon, and wood paneling is no. Can't marry off another PC more than half a dozen times. Zero body count does not mean just the ones they can find. Things don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once. My alignment is not sarcastic good. My fighter cannot take the flaw addiction stabbing things. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense, even the wish spell has its limits. If the party goes into my room and finds a deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts, and spurs, they can start the module without me. When asked my position in the party, it's not whatever as close as the Bangkok. A crayon is typically going to cause a penalty to my forgery skill. Can't put a glass bottom on my tank just so I can see the looks on their faces. Changing sex is restricted to male or female. Quoting ministry lyrics is not SOP for the gladiast D. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires. The light on my character's sheep for sex is not for keeping score.  Even if I just rolled 832d6 for damage, still can't get a bonus to my Intimidate Check. Unlike real life, I don't gain the whirlwind attack to smack all my back talking children. My World War II era mad scientist will pick a new target for his project other than Manhattan. When offered, a Drakkenzian item of my choice can't pick nunchucks. No matter what the dice say, can't decapitate an abrit with a straight razor. CCST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loner. House Karita mech warriors do not appreciate posters of Godzilla taped over their optical sensors. Teleport without pants is not a real spell. It is not necessary to install a portacus in every single room in my castle. When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifact we discovered, eBay is not an option. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the identical twin advantage 22 times. My character's primary purpose in the party is not just to leech one-sixth of all the XP. Elves do not have the racial trait, no gag reflex! Distracted bad guys do not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing. I do not have time into blackouts for breakdancing, Greco-Roman wrestling or phone sex. My axe does not go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it. Even if he's a total blast, can't channel Baron Samedi at a coming out ball. Can't make a cold shot with a flamethrower. After finishing the cliched new boss's villain adventure, can't file for unemployment. My mummy can't take out multiple life insurance policies on himself and name himself the prime beneficiary. The game of chicken does not involve the Polymorph spell. My vampire hunter does not take the Un out of Undead. I cannot backstab anybody with a Bjerg Skylark. Even if the rules allow it, my paladin cannot have the flaw, hatred, all living things. The combat feats I can use with a batter and ram are extremely restricted. Mordenkainen's dysfunctional family is not a real spell. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals the poor use of the create golem feat. The Dr. Jones School of Swordfighting a non-appropriate swordsman school. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the fellowship of the ring. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble. Buying the elf babe a trampoline and telling her to boost her dexterity isn't fooling anybody. Any plan involving strapping puppies to my armor is vetoed. No accidentally cross-wiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches. During the black-off, no accessing the target's HR files and getting babed phone numbers. FedEx does not deliver to the keep on the borderlands. Not allowed to use basic economics to crash evil empire's economy by spending all my swag there at once. To take the moniker, the hyper polysyllabic equipped delinist. The banana of disarming is not a real magic item. Cannot sharpen Ian's stones for increased headbutt damage. No using my hideously low charisma to get the villain to the opposite of what I suggest. No need to stop using my reality-altering ability to make everyday Mardi Gras. Cannot base my barbarian after a wink martindale.  My Paladin Mini is vetoed of its obviously private drake from aliens. Any plan of vetoed of it was obviously inspired by Boromir. My info-gathering mission must include info that wasn't obviously obtained in a brothel. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed. When told to leave a trail for the rest of the party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts. Even if the rule would allow it, can't seek a battleship with a stapler. I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas. Even if the rule is allowed, I can't invent the script joint. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. I cannot start the game opposed to apocalyptic Poland driving a Porsche. Warnings given retroactively in battle aren't appreciated. A fluffy tale does not add to my comeliness if I'm already one foot tall, furry in a squirrel. I don't have to include the line and then stab them a lot in the plan. It's already assumed. Even if my superpower is invisibility, I still have to provide a model for my character. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play Tomb of Horrors again. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as apparent. The time machine is not for finishing my set of disciple autographs. No, there is not a Mr. of Arc. No, I still can't hit on her. My black-optic experience does not include panty-raids and beer ruins. A single-handedly makes Starfleet Academy the number one party school in the Alpha Quadrant. Not legal to retroactively challenge anyone I just shot to a duel. Cannot take the flaw of obsession, elf chicks lingerie. No part of the plan includes, you give me the idol, I'll give you the whip. No matter how many call shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause a cool pyrotechnics display. Not allowed to trade in my X-wing for a gunstar. Not make a plan that hinges on the villain first being allergic to peanuts. My character's background cannot be a Wikipedia biography with Falco crossed off in my character's name written in. Adding hydraulics to my R2 unit does not give him an Intimidate bonus. No taking the party to Karatura just because my character has a thing for Asian chicks.  No highly educational, no more slipping the anti-powered and sodium pentothal. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guard room first. Not allowed to give my character a name from a Bushman click language. Not possible to tap a keg from mana. Apparently chaotic, angry, and neutral hungry aren't real alignments either. Even if the rule will allow it, can't take out an MBT with a shotgun loaded with slug. My second wish can't be for a new, more open-minded genie to grab my remaining wishes. Can't wish I was a GM. No making up holidays for my cleric. Can't just walk the obstacle course even though I beat everyone who tried to run it. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a known wish expression of affection. There is not a spent clip fairy. A bag of holding is a bad place to stash bear traps, badgers, or crushed glass. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare I'll be balk. Can't take the spedum as my favorite weapon just because it sounds dirty. No encouraging Swedish accents. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't pick up the bank and walk away with it. There is a reason no game has pasties in a starting equipment list. The power armor skill does not have a cascade skill dance. I will not build a character with a skill from every single expansion book. Not allowed to take a toad for a familiar just before his pharmaceutical properties. Restricted to one blue chip for humor per game. Can't use the time machine to rename famous historical discoveries after myself. Not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring. Fighter can't put points in the form just so he can hammer a dance after each fatal critical hit. No slipping the juicer riddling. In the middle of a chase in a commandeered car can't spend an action to change the radio presets. I can't parry with a cold shot to the face. No more crazy ivans while I'm driving the AT-AT. When challenged to a high noon shootout, that means in the time zone I'm currently in. Burning my bard song on CD and putting on repeat does not mean the effect never ends. Before turning on dead, make sure the assassin didn't take the vampire template. My mythos investigator doesn't talk into sleep. Mashed potatoes did not add to my damage resistance. Not allowed to base a paladin off Lee Marvin. My great axe privileges can be taken away. If I'm leveled up 5 times in the Dragon King Zero, that doesn't mean I'm lapping him. My investigator's motto is not, 99% mythos lore, 1% sanity, do not push me. Even if it was obviously in self-defense, my character is not allowed to kill George Takei. Taekwondoberman is not a real martial arts skill. It is not possible to bioengineer a kosher pig. Even if we are in Ravenloft, paladin can't go up 10 levels in one night. When told I have to join the RPGA to play in a game, can't sign the membership card Dduck. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as Calvin ball with axes. My paladin's job is not to enforce happiness. My following are not acceptable iron claw characters, mortal wombat, dolly llama, boom or rangatang. Monks do not make three stooges sounds in combat. Even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20 guys in one round with a musket. No, I can't keep the drought priestess if we just found her as a pet. Start a career in modeling is not an appropriate use of the suggestion spell. You take the scary one is not our default battle strategy. One of his fur's own safety, can't secretly remove the firing pins from the power of gamer's guns. If I have access to warm water, I don't take watch unsupervised. Not allowed to give any birthday gift to a child that merely earns me a dark side point. Despite the movie's claims, wookies get no racial bonus for chess. When building a superhero, can't spend half his points on radar scents and the other half on cooking. Pregen characters do not have cutesy nicknames, even if their real names are pretty lame. Improved invasion of not solid proof duck and cover works. In the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molten cats in the CEO's office. If in the middle of our dressing down our CEO strokes out, we took the joke too far. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot. Can't hunt drought with a spotlight in a 30-odd 6. The default response to a social challenge in any game is not just to shoot them. Do not sell disputes and paper rock scissors with games of vampire. Fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidate the monster. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the battleship Texas, they're the problem. I cannot take the dementia, obsession, and counting things if I'm not a Malkavian. On second thought, I can't take it even if I am a Malkavian. My character cannot have a noticeable impact, positive or negative, on a town's population. Large dice are for rolling, not sound effects. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons. I did not earn the bonus XP for a written background but just a summary of the plot to dig dug. While the party is off searching for secret doors, can't position the slain orcs in compromising positions. In the middle of a black ops can't reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight. I don't have to take a lower level bard adventuring as my opening act. Taking the Orc Warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable, not as a hand puppet. Standing the villa on a nymph stripper only works once. Somebody doesn't accidentally fall on two dozen shanks. The adventure wrap-up is the epilogue, not miller time. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance-off to the death. Augment their sigh means their mental powers, not their air pressure. Taking each class as I level in alphabetical order is forbidden. Even if the rules allow it, my paladin can't serve the god of obituaries. My sorcerer will not take a level and drew it just to make it easier to get to the flammable stuff. If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're on the thieves guild, not a fetish club. Even if infinitely useful, absolute power over elastics is not an appropriate superpower. The backup trap handler is not the guy with the lowest intelligence. I cannot have bracers of Brashian until I tell the DM what Brashian really means. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same way dogs react to vacuum cleaners. My battle mech does not play Dixie every time I hit the jump jets. Even if the mages critically fumbles his stealth check, can't threaten to bleed him slow. Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust did not cause sanity loss. Even if we are in Sweden, I can't use one blanket seduction check on the entire crowd. I didn't accidentally forget to buy any skills.  Overrunning a larger army is not a glorious victory if it happened at 3AM and they were still in bed. I will stop reminding Elmenster he's not as cool as Merlin, Gandalf, or that shape-changing wizard from Kroll. I cannot lure out the psycho killer into an ambush by having sex with another character. No paraphrasing the party leader's elaborate plan as, pick somebody you don't like and let them know it. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the first armored division as an ally. Doesn't matter how high my influence is, I still can't make Karma and Miranda hatch part of the unit's dress code. In the middle of Black Ops, no one's starting a memo into the target's computer, mandating clothing optional Mondays. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across. No more tricking rookies and the punting whoopee cushions on Lord Vader's throne. When handed deities and demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu mythos. It doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult. As a matter of fact, Jeopardy does scream for telepaths. It's not a good idea to taunt Greek heroes with who's your daddy. It doesn't matter if it's an anime style game, I don't get a bonus to hit with Ipokes. Polymorph mother-in-law is not a real spell. The Karen is not Disney World as is run by coyotes. The FBI tends to notice when people buy several miles of hamster tubing at once. It doesn't matter how practical, we aren't reanimating the dead dragon and having him hauled that horde back for us. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air. Any superhero offenses a more than two major religions of vetoed. Even if I'm faced with yet another get-of-fineress-looperous errone, I will not refer to him as cliche gavera. We will not take the dead dryad with us to use as kindling. I will not keep reincarnating a bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat. A funeral is not a proper place for setting new fashion trends. I will not disbelieve the magic mouth before he gives out the important plot information. Even if it is hours of entertainment, can't feed the red talon peanut butter. I will conceive we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters. Another religion I cannot put born again Klingon. I will not use undocumented zombie workers to help build my castle. Big bee's offensive finger is not a real spell. Even if there is no alignment in Traveler, giving feuding TL-1 tribes TL-12 weapons and putting the results on paper view is just wrong. My doctor's bag will contain more than just a bone saw and a bottle of whiskey. I do not put the cat in decadent nor the rave in depraved. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battle cry every time I roll to attack. We can't all play barge just to relive our favorite spinal tap moments. I cannot have a gun with an area of fact larger than its range. Richard Simmons is not an appropriate role model for a get-of-fineress. I will not use my vast personal knowledge of doubling Texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign. My halfling cannot take the flaw obsession, ring of invisibility. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before even passing through it is vetoed. I will not combine thermographic sights and a gun that can shoot through walls. It makes black ops too easy. After cleansing out Ravenloft, when it's my turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle. If my superhero has a healing factor, claws, combat sins, and longevity, he can't take the flaw total pacifist.  And if I'm playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes. Ribs in the time-space continuum are not for my personal amusement. Buying a bigger gun to not restore sanity. Searching the dead PC for spell components is okay. Using him for spell components is not. Any character that can run the two-minute mile is vetoed. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a med-tech role. Customs doesn't care what my charisma bonus is. Halflings do not store food in their cheeks for winter. Elves are not deciduous. Despite evidence of the contrary, half elves do not automatically go both ways. Evidence-enhancing spells gain no benefit from meta-magic feats. I will not try to regain sanity by nailing the reporter-chicken public. Dwarves do not get roto-routers with racial weapons. I will not brag too loudly. I'm the real reason behind the sinking of the Titanic. Cultists tend to notice that we replace their summoning ritual with jitterbug instructions. Invisibility is all or nothing. You can't just target their clothes. I can't just keep buying rounds of drinks until everybody passes out so I can rob them. I will not miss the final epic battle just because I crypt my seduction check. Polish is not a subdialect of gnomish. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off while actually appreciated is frowned upon. Healing people or other face gives a penalty in deadlands, not serenity. I will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer. I will not fill the bag of holding with dirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them. In the middle of Black Ops, a diversion of not blowing off the top 24s of the building. Can't set the bag on fire until after I've blown the persuasion roll.  Not possible to fire a gun with your teeth. Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses. They make plate metal in a variety of styles, crotchless is not one of them. Can't use my attack bonus as a substitute for the skill, Hibachi Chef. I can't take telekinesis as an auxiliary mode just to get free food from the snack machine. Dual wielding spike chains do not let me use the battle cry, danger will rob us in danger.  Can't take a level of monk just for tone. Druggy is not a starting language. After casting my one first level spell, can't leave the dungeon to go to sleep. Can't bribe the bio-kinetic to take my drug test for me. On second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the Stormtrooper uniforms. Our runic facial tattoo is acceptable for my berserker, not a betty boop. Have one point and every single skill in the game doesn't count as a superpower. Can't clean out the dungeon by renting the adjacent dungeon and being as obnoxious as possible. Goldfish do not get a bonus in a stair down. My mech gunner can't have a nude pent up in his cockpit, especially if it's over his pilot. But she's hot, it's not an acceptable excuse for my black ops solo dating the tabloid reporter. No matter how much we look, we're not fighting the secret door leading to the back of the villains hideout. Druids do not hibernate. Before I make my next wish, I have to ask myself, is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again? Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed. If given a stock NPC, I must play him as written, so Jar Jar has to lose the serrapin and the cigar. I do not get a bulk discount at the genies guild. The flaw of tedious personal habit teleports in the romantic moments is only available at the maximum penalty. The kinetic redhead chick is not a real superhero. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn. There are no alignment restrictions on becoming a lawyer. Nowhere in the Bible does this say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me. If escorting a high priority target, I can't bioscope the entire team to look like her. Nerve gas complicates fast talk rolls. I take the shape of any animal the GM doesn't know. The power of Christ compels me to not justify my blessed actions. I cannot take life insurance out on anybody I have for the enemy background. Psychotherapy doesn't eliminate the alignment change penalty. Just because I've hit name level does not automatically give me groupies. I will not abuse the exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routine with random crowds. In the middle of a black ops, I cannot make an educational video. We do not need an elf on this dungeon crawl for the same reason reminders need canaries. I am not Bjorn of Borg. Before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism needs a check with the wife. I can't get any equipment before the GM can Google it. If Australia doesn't exist, I can't use my Australian accent even if I am playing a space koala. I cannot bet the power gamer he can't fillstrip the grenade faster than me. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch drop cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks. I will not make my castle walls 9x9x9 to keep out gelatinous cubes. The ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable, naming the character Captain franchise is not. The most important stat in Koala Cthulhu is not movement. If we're Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness. No matter how high my strength, still can't use that wall as a shield. I will not convince the entire party to play identical Kybe to the same character on the grounds where sex tuplets. No matter his age, my bard can't start a boy band. Despite the halberd being six foot long, I can't hit monsters more than five feet away. Even if it's been more than two hours since we left the bar, the dwarf isn't getting the DTs. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgun chucks. The town drunk is not our one stop source for all mythos happening in every town. I will not base my Koala Cthulhu character off the lead character in Slingblade. Even if I'm pissed for working on my birthday and available black ops, I will not refer to my CO only by its first name. If I don't have an instrument from my bardic song, an air mandolin won't suffice. After creating with a cannon, we can't dump a barrel gunpowder over the gunner's mate. Elves aren't marsupials. Even if we're freezing to death, I can't cut open a half orc and shove the elf inside him. Using pre-cog on the personals to find out who puts out on the first day of abusing the power, there is no such thing as a tequila golem. A paladin with a British accent is acceptable, one with a Peter Lorre accent isn't. When I'm allowed a bunny as a familiar, that doesn't include Avafabian. I will not make a superhero that requires a graphing calculator to create. I cannot take the flaw enemy random packs of wild dogs. Threesome is not a specialty of the seduction skill. Shotguns are not a traditional part of Texas funerals. For short change at the Hong Kong deli, I will call the manager not roll for initiative. There is something wrong with a second level kamikaze. I was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement. Disabled plot device is not a real skill. Nowhere in the plan does Franco go in where the others have been. Mummus does not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason. As a matter of fact, a 90 foot tall hostile pineapple is much more terrifying than a dragon. My last wish cannot be for Ragnarok. Trailed blaze means find a path, not cut down every tree between here and there. Elves do not take 1d-3-1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle. In the middle of a black ops, I cannot moonlight as tech support. Even if it isn't the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everyone else. I cannot switch miniatures between each combat. Even if I'm starving, can't suckle the elf chick. David Bowie can't cast glitter dust at will. This issue is also closed. When asked to describe my character, I can leave out the hickeys. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the med tech for malpractice. Keele the Wabbit is not a proper Viking battle cry. The rest of the party would appreciate if it don't take Munch-Hawson syndrome by proxy of the flaw. Even if the rule will allow it, I can't empty out the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb. Corporate pop whore is not a real prestige class. Dracar Hart Gorgeur is not a proper name for a paladin. Dwarves can't take trees as favorite enemies. I can't beat on a drought until he admits his name is Toby. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more sanity loss than the Necronomicon. I can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules. I will stop referring to the power gamer as Min Maximus. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't straddle the table like Slim Pickens writing a bomb. Phone finger of death is not a real spell. I cannot start with an armor class higher than my actual age. Not permitted to die from essence loss during character creation. Even if I bot the book at Walmart, I don't get a discount on advantages. If I take the poison immunity advantage, that doesn't include radiation. The whole expedition to the Barrier Peaks dream sequence. Texans do not get revolvers of the racial weapon proficiency. No matter how many points I put into the skill, I can't use sword swallowing to parry. Stone giants don't have heat sinks. Even if we're facing Yawn-T, my battle cry cannot be Cobra! Probe to self, lightsaber chucks. Bad idea. The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on the septicons. Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim. Even if spells are use them or lose them, I will not waste meteor swarms on a goblin. I will not lay siege to Cinderella's castle. Elves do not give Viking funerals. Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the heavy machine gun. If we have to add a new PC mid-campaign, he doesn't have to pass a drug test first. Can't use the Jedi Mindtrip to convince the stormtroopers the droids over there are the droids they were looking for. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live. The blub skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell. These make poor thongs and vice versa. If I have two cyber arms, they have to be on different sides. My character cannot gain a level through nepotism. I will not use the D-20 system to test the validity of any Kennedy assassination theory. My character has mastery level in singing. I do not. I will not convert to L.S. Trey just so I can watch naked drought chicks get in her groove on.  Just because my superhero game is 18 stats and yours only has three, doesn't mean mine is six times better. Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place. Holding the hand crossbow sideways gangsta style does not add to my intimidate check. Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can't crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round. If at any point in his lifespan my character can clear out every single cave of chaos in one single round, he's vetoed. My druid can't summon or change into a skunk. No seriously, it's not allowed in a real book. Kangaroo's report substitutes for tauntons. There is no such thing as a viking-assisted suicide. Jury summoning one is not a real spell. I cannot name my character anything that was suggested by Tom Servo. Doesn't matter if I'm just using a spot weld. Force lightning still gets me a dark side point. Erasing the compass on the map and redrawing it in reverse does not mean the villain will start building his evil railroad backwards. Ninjas do not have a hive mind. No matter how much ammo I start with, I can't impact the total world supply. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games. I can't stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load-bearing villain. If my troll is the smartest character in the party, the entire party is vetoed. I will not attempt to overdose on road gain so I can disguise myself with a wookie. I can't summon anything in MM4 just so I can take a bathroom break while the DM looks it up. If the weapon has the three-handed trait, I don't get a sidekick just for the extra hand. As a matter of fact, the high and tight buzz cut doesn't exist and exalted. I'm not automatically eliminated from the crappy module if I guess the wrong murderer like include so I should stop making random accusations. I was not raised by a pack of feral ironclads. I will not call the Elf Druid by his real impossibly long elf name and not just Lana War leaf blower. I will also not simply refer to the Elf Druid as that dirty, dirty hippie. There is no such thing as a dwarven battle perm. Canadian is not a real language. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages. Even if the villain is lawful evil, slapping a cease and assist order on him isn't going to work. I will go into the villain's lair and take him out the old fashioned way, not just wait outside his favorite bar with a rifle. In a middle of a black ops, I do not have time to put a banana in the exhaust port of their AB-9. Even if I think of something that Demulich isn't immune to, he's immune to it. Even if my character sheet says otherwise, I can't max out the party with Delta-class cyberware immediately after character generation. Even if I can prove at least half a dozen practical uses for it, I can't have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl. Even if we're playing in the New Republic era, I can't call dibs a Boba Fett armor. If the GM's wife is in the party, I'm not allowed to hunt anything cute. I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PCs I build them for. I cannot have a handgun that starts out doing more damage than most people have wounds. I do not have to check before each adventure that my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers, sylons, or pod people. Even if we are a wamprat hunting, we don't have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange. I will go take out the villain's dungeon the old-fashioned way and not use magic to reroute a river into it instead. After rerouting a river through the villain's lair, I will not pan for gold whenever the river comes out. Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn't mean I have to take advantage of it. Despite the name, I can't actually wear a cloaker, but I will fail the nodes to cloakways over a quarter ton. Metal detectors don't automatically find sylons. When told to dress like a goth, I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chain mail and shield. There is no such thing as a wear saxophonist. At forty-eight straight hours, a pistol weapon doesn't convince the terrorists to spill his guts. Another forty-eight hours probably won't either. A tattooed gun does not standard equipment in a mapping kit. The cryo-kinetic is forever banned from water balloon flights. Under the rule of the law, my sumo wrestler can't take superhuman attractiveness. There is no such thing as a brothel crawl. My IRSN will not use its powers to help fill out Wikipedia articles. My sumo wrestler can't have lap-ban surgery without affecting his martial art skills. Everybody wangchung tonight is not acceptable use of the mass suggestion spell. Tornadoes do not have hit points. Even if I take twice as long, that doesn't mean I can take forty. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at Malkavians, kobolds, or kinder, or their players. Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of World of Warcraft, my character can't speak elite. Even if I roll a natural twenty, I can't jump the Grand Canyon on a stock steamroller. In the middle of a black ops, if a character dies I will not disavow knowledge of him until after the mission's over. If the battle goes for twenty rounds, we don't have to stop and wait for the Zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield. I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Wildwing's windows. My wizard does not need to shout out the name of what he's summoning every time he picks a creature. Anything short of Adamantian full play does not consider light armor for dwarves. In the middle of a black ops, I can't start a major corporation war just because I'm bored stiff with the current run. Even if he used intelligence of the dumb stat, I don't have to carve this end towards enemy on the barbarian's axe blade. If I'm in an assault mech, bump drafting is discouraged. After a successful black ops, before I'm paid I will not immediately adopt a dozen children for the tax breaks. I cannot wish as someone else with an Oscar Meyer wiener. I will not cut the vault guards in on the hall instead of fighting them. 1980's breakdancing moves had their place, and in front of the Vodassi Prince is not one of them. Just because I was paid in advance doesn't mean I can let the incompetent expedition leader die. There is a limit to how much in your window I can fit into one combat round. Even if it was just my character speaking, I would not claim Texas was stolen from Mexico. I will live longer that way. I cannot put nod-ins on speed dial. I will not attempt to clear out the dungeon using only Bangalore torpedoes. Picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously. I will not do anything that Bilbo Baggins hates. If I have enough putting silencers on my mini gun doesn't work. There is no such thing as a magic murder bag of holding. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mock 2.  I will not take a phobia of anything that doesn't exist in the game world. If I have an ability to let me alter minor aspects of my appearance, that doesn't include girth. Add bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film no matter what we all know it's made out of. In the middle of a black ops, I will not use up all the claymores just because I don't want to take them back with me. I cannot have my mercy surgically removed. If I'm in charge, I can't order the assault lance to perform west side story dance routines. If given a holy avenger sword, I can't melt it down and reforge it until a weapon my paladin actually uses. Even if it still gives a combat bonus to everybody else, I can't just stand there and read a common book behind the villain. In the middle of a black ops, I can't call my girlfriend to remind her to pick up some Chinese on our way home. I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors. Letting the red shirt guard the plains really frowned upon as it doesn't leave anybody to sacrifice to the shogoths. Cannot start the campaign on fire. Will not start all my skills at 89% just so I get massive sand boost early. I cannot rick roll people with any video that increases or mythos lore. I will refrain from casting dimension jump and magnificent mansion on every police box we pass. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game. Stomping a water elemental right above the fire elemental doesn't work. There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth. I cannot be the bizarro version of another player. Nowhere in my barbarian description will I include the word jaunty. My eschew does not get bonus frequent fire miles automatically during character generation. Doesn't matter how big we make it. A pit trap isn't going to take out the Tarask. I have to go into the dungeon, not just send in dozens of summoned creatures every morning. Fireballs don't have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I cast one at the guy we needed alive.  I will not use a portable hole to cheat at golf. In the middle of a black ops, I will not look at the target's HR files to see if they have better benefits. I will not use the major staff of wizardry in lieu of a pull queue. Torturing the forest doesn't give me any XP for anything inside the forest. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being at least an adjacent county. A second level commoner is not twice as common as the first level commoner. If we don't have a thief, I can't call AAA to slim Jim the dungeon entry door.  No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introduced in the target. During the side jump, my neutral can't do mean things to the scions while they are tripping. I will not try to feed the Quinn extremely salty food to see if he melts. Our mission is to rescue the princess, not to bring sexy back. Instead of giving detailed instructions on pages 50-51, can't take Cloud City on a joyride. I can't wish to change my vote on what module we're playing. Baseline is not an acceptable perform skill specialty. Thry Kreen does not have the flaw Obsession Pretty Lights. The party leader is not the one that looks best in a chainmail bikini. I can't make it rain before the invention of paper currency. If I make a cowboy with the young and flaw, I can't name him Sue. If I don't have any points in med tech, I can't try faith healing. We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement. If my character requires the GM to memorize the rules for siege warfare, he's vetoed. We can't trade the Ranger for a giant pirate or Padre. I am forbidden from using more than 10 source books to make one character. I will wait for the GM to finish his incredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly. I can't wish for somebody to publish the rules for gnomes or barge. The time machine is not for collecting autographs. I can stop rolling at seven times dead. I am forbidden from doing anything that makes a passer by flinch. If even the rules allow it, I can't have my uneducated peasant start with every known language. If the rules contradict Isaac Newton, Newton wins.  My brooding costume vigilante can't take the flaw dark secret, well adjusted to society. Despite overwhelming evidence of the contrary, Dick Clark is not Shemsu Hiru. Even if I spend the points, I can't take the USS Montana as an ally. My knight will not buy a Shetland pony just so he can use his lance underground. I will remember the spiked chain cheese monster is allergic to the improved Sunderfeet. I will stop asking NPCs how much XP they are worth. The seduction skill does not have a two hit on roll. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain. Pressing up the wizard as the monk still won't stop monsters from appearing beside him and attacking him first. When asked what game we want the LARP, Frogger is not an option.  No it won't help if we put a silencer on the bazooka. When approached by a famous historical figure, I can assume he's a time traveler and not a zombie. Paladin is due to urinate. In the middle of a black ops, my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with the target's copy machine. It's okay to feed the Ewoks after midnight. Flashbangs are not to be handed out the trick or treaters. A stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas. I will not conga-line the pattern. Superpowers that are only useful to ART majors are vetoed. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus, and the Tarask. I will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop. I will not go to FTL just to avoid the red lights. I will not min-max the appraised skill just to clean up on the price's right. Even if we cleared it out, we can't turn White Plume Mountain into a theme park. Even if the rules allow it, I can't put a spinal-mounted weapon on a bicycle. I cannot have a destroyed that requires me to take the ally advantage two dozen times just to crew it. Stan Lee does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure. Even if I make it out of one continuous design, a Dreschenesian castle doesn't count as one object. Just blow them out of the airlock and not a backup first contact protocol. Even if it's totally feasible, I can't indefinitely stall our rival with a bureaucracy check. My Panzer hand doesn't get a vote. Smartass is not a character role. I can't have any feet in the main book at the feet it's written in pencil. In the middle of a black ops, I can't download several thousand songs on the target's computer and then call the RIAA. There is no such thing as ambiguously elven. Even if he is chaotic evil, I can't turn states evidence against a fellow party member. Even if the boss monster has 100% magic resistance, my wizard can't just go catch a movie. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use. I can't have any gun that has an NPC-only trigger guard. And, if they never suspect it, my Jedi can't have a flamethrower. No, we can't see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour. I will stop trying to put the half-lin in a diabetic coma. If I adjust a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something. I can't have a gun that trades buildings as light cover. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups. Pain was not fit in the standard aether jar. The Vulcan neck pinch doesn't work in campaign without Vulcans. Just because my sword is intelligent doesn't mean he can do my math homework for me. It's a strangled hold. Not an ogre neck pinch. Your certain women are not instantly recognizable by their beards. And, if the rules allow it, I can't hit stone with the stone cold stunner. Having more beer than an enemy doesn't give me a morale bonus from the mass combat chart. No feat allows me to open beer cans with my pecs. The Death Star does not need a cabin boy. Overused cliche is not an appropriate favorite enemy. I cannot gain drama dice in games I am not actually in. It's okay if you name your kindred Alucard, but I still can't name my Garu Namflow. No matter how low or intelligent they aren't going to fall for a large wooden horde outside the gates of Mordor. Head, heart, run is not our posse's motto. No matter how much sense it makes, we can't paint the glitter boy a camo scheme. My first act as executive officer can't be a mutiny. Unallowed to use the replicator and transport to fill the bird of prey with Jello. I can't take invisibility to detect invisibility. My fighter can't use the monster manual as a to-do list. No making up patron saints. No part of the adventure is clothing optional. No matter what the dice say, I didn't just seduce Chun-Li and Cammie. It takes more than one pick pocket roll to totally derail the campaign. I can't wish that somebody competent wrote this module. Any of the game is dreadfully repetitive. Our party is motto can't be wash, rinse, repeat. I will not point out that Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer, even if it's true. Must at least pay lip service to the meta plot. It's not possible to stampede dwarves. When told to pick a published superhero to play, Johnny Cash is not allowed. Paul Stanley is perfectly acceptable. There is no such thing as a strap-on beard. It doesn't matter if we took the large advantage, we aren't using the usurin as ballast. I will address the other PC of Lord Tyrion, Eldrick Knight of the Wintercourt, and not just as the Siege Remail. Any of the rules disagree, my character can still drown. I cannot take the following as my favorite enemies, Southpawds, Mother-in-Law, or Kinesian Economists.  We aren't luring the Arisaka agents out of the safe house by making ice cream truck noises. Splitting the atom at will is not an acceptable superpower. Ignored a meta plot is also not an acceptable superpower. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas. Can't base my character off a smurf. Even if I could base my character off a smurf, Gherka's smurf was not a real smurf. No matter what the dice say, my Renaissance inventor didn't just invent spaceflight. If the villain's three-room lair holds over 100 brutes, can't just tip off the Fire Marshal. No rerouting the rollercoaster through the Umbra. Can't blame it on my gun. Will not retrofit the Federation starship with fuses. Heavy bolters don't come with a pistol grip. I will stop referring to my rogue as a freelance subterranean locksmith. The lock-picking kit must be more than a sawed-off shotgun. Dwarves are physically incapable of performing the dance of the seven veils. Even if the guy I base my character off was famous for doing it, I can't kill eight guys with one bullet. Weapon-focused nukes is not a real feat. There will not be any sex in other players' battle mechs. My paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn't watch exactly where he lays on hands. Any character that makes a seasoned rift player flinch is vetoed and shall never be spoken of again. I can't check the sole forge in his baggage. Will not reanimate dead familiars just to keep them around for sentimental reasons. Freeing slaves out of justice is good, out of spite, not so much. No, I can't have an HR Geiger counter. An elf wardancer chicken nothing but body paint is totally hot. A vestan berserker nothing but body paint, not so much. Basing characters off guest thought of historical characters is fine unless it's Miyamoto Musashi and the mom from What's Happening. Gold dragons do not conduct electricity better than other dragons. The two primary types of halflings are not Flathead and Philips. My mad scientist does not get to divide the party into control and test groups.  There is no such thing as a nomus pygmy sea and eye rhino eater. Just because I can play a charismatic vestan-mangeanir, missionary cleric doesn't mean I should. My Buddhist monk will lose the cockney accent.  I will spend my martial arts technique points on things other than blocking and running away. And if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn't add to my chain gun's accuracy. Yes, if I have one on each barrel. I will refrain to take character roles that the game forgot to make any rules for. Just because I'm playing an anthropomorphic emperor marmoset doesn't give me the noble advantage for free. Cannot bribe the target's HR director to start casual fridges just to make our upcoming black ops easier that week. I can't avoid plot mandated ambushes no matter how hard I try. No, I can't have a magelock mini slugger. I will not spend all my freebie points buying quanta-kinetic auxiliary modes. No, we can't wield a Star Destroyer's bridge shut. There is a 100 XP penalty every time we remind the GM of the Bionic Six. If the adventure includes the birth of a god, we still can't file for a holiday pay of that day. In the middle of a black ops, I can't compose an offensive joke on the target's CEO's email and CC the entire company. If the GM can't lift all the Gerbs books needed to run my character, he's vetoed. The 10-foot pole on the Star Destroyer equipment list cannot support the weight of an exotic dancer. Scorched Earth Day is not a holiday, even in Cyberpunk. Nothing in Victoria's Secret Catalog is available in Dragkinesian. Even if they are better in combat according to character generation, the United States Marine Corps frowns on octogenarians in front-line combat. No amount of background will allow me to name the character Biff Buttoms. State trippers are immune to the effects of the delirium, so I need to find another way out of that speeding ticket. No matter how well I make my fashion roll, Le Emperor is not going to the ball dressed in a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform. Everybody was not gun food fighting. Even if my character is Canadian, that doesn't mean he can take a 1.524 meter free step. I will pick my character's girlfriend based on something more than how much fire support she can provide. I will not one-shot an Eisen first. The plan will not continue until the GM finds out who Xan Tavik is. I will do nothing that tarnishes Hello Kitty's memory. Defeatifying breasts while impressive do not count as a superpower. Even if my character is orthodox Jewish, I will check other character's pulse before trying to bury them. A NASCAR pit crew cannot repair all my vehicle's damage in one round. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books, especially if I am chasing him with a wheat thresher. Fauner Pausen's boy toy is not technically a position at court. I will only use the module's suggested tactics to stop the ground assault and ignore the squadron of Wild Wings 100 meters away. There is no such thing as a ballistogram. I will not accuse the traveler of new service of liberal bias. The Ewok does not appreciate the giant hamster wheel we put in his quarters, ingrate. I will not spend my entire mustard bonus on lottery tickets. If another player took the disadvantaged stutters, I can't take a crie. Black and Decker do not make droids either. I will not blow all my points and extra limbs just so I can play the superhero millipede man. Just because the great race of yes effect of sanity is minimal doesn't mean I should bite them over for dinner with the folks. The very concept of a hut lap dancer will earn me a dark side point. The M203 is not for long range bokeh ball. Giving someone a spot for me is not going to give me a bonus on a strength check. I will not hack somebody into looking like a pinata, especially in Mexico City. Even if silence is required for the entire adventure, we are not naming the black ops operation Mime Crime. I will tell the noob the game is about post nuclear Europe and not love struck vampire before we start. You cannot tell if somebody is a power gamer by the faint smell of Gouda. I cannot fill a buster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, genocyticals is a bit much. Can't lure the bastard into an ambush by turning on the can opener. Jack LaLaine, wrong type of juicer. If unsure of what side of the road we drive on, the middle of the road is not a healthy compromise. Such squads make poor bridesmaids, the reverse is not necessarily true. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot become famous for not becoming famous. There is no God of Wombats no matter how much I pray. If I have to explain to the Halfland sister why we dressed him like a raccoon, we're all in trouble. No matter how cool it would be, we can't use the time machine to loan Ike a few A-10 squadrons for D-Day. I don't get a drama to die just because of the GMPs. I will not waste wishes on professional sporting events. Hooking up with the gamer chick the storyteller with Anglin Ford gets me banned from the game.  I will not program medical droid for aggressive dentistry. I will not dare the wage mage into trying to summon a class 20 spirit. Guardian mode is not just for flipping people the bird in the middle of battle. Even when we are issued a nuke, I am not allowed to touch it. I will stop trying to get a reality TV show for our Black Ops team. We are not going to stall 10,000 Eurikai with a fake toll booth. Pointing out the massive plot hole in the villain's plan is not going to stop her from attacking. Before we start, let's make sure whether everybody blows up if I shoot a shield with a last gun. Preliminary Saturation Carpet Bomb is not automatically Plan A. Even if I only get to swing a sword once per minute, I can't stop the smoke between attacks.  Wood chimpers while useful aren't normal gear for our Black Ops. I will not tell the new players gelatinous cubes come in a variety of yummy flavors. The cleric is not tax exempt. No matter how much fun we are not retrofitting a tank with jump jets, I cannot mint my own currency. Just because they make a miniature without ability doesn't mean I can take that ability. I will not use the mass suggestions spell to make the elf babes to make out. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. Dwarves do not groom themselves like cats or baboons. Dwarves do too have nipples. Halflings are not to be used as currency. Bidgeo leans into pitch not a real kung fu maneuver. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a mono filament sledgehammer. If we can't fit the droid in the freighter, I can't play him. No matter how well I make the animal handling role, I can't break in a juggernaut of corn.  Recycle tires will cause aggravated wounds on a case-by-case basis. No feed affects hangtime. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of hot gnome-on-gnome action. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for elves mock too. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot disarm someone of melee with a longbow. I will not just dump the vampire into Umbra and call today. Having a grow tea will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair. Portable plot hole is not a real magic item. I will not start a Ponzi scheme involving the entire party. Even if I couldn't attend a session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault. The Stanley Cup does not have the same power as the Holy Grail, even on Canadians. The MMORPG Convert doesn't actually have to role play in its first game. Characters wanting to join the party do not have to undergo the Flash Gordon Tree Monster Ceremony. I cannot have a palanquin in my starting gear. Having a reputation for having a reputation does not grant me more reputation. I will quit hogging the legend chips. No digging out the buds of my character and reusing them. No using the grapple rules that change the course of history. I will not take on the entire dungeon using only one body part to attack. The Eldar really hate it when you greet them with live long and prosper. No matter his condition, we aren't selling the villain's corpse as modern art. Count on a backup villain if we ace the first one in two rounds without damage. I will not give my preteen kids my work number, especially if I'm in a black ops. The monkey grip feat doesn't have anything to do with gripping monkeys. While I know no writer's bare breasts are not acceptable weakness for my superhero. I will stop shooting at natural disasters. No spending on my starting gold and just a loincloth. Can't use dominate to make vampires forget to change their clocks for daylight savings time. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a scout. It's obvious I'm just playing a scald so I can sing Bjornin Bjornin Disco Inferno. The primary dwarf subraces are sedimentary, igneous, and metamorphic. I will not vote to play a game that has needed a rules decision from an economist. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot fence with a katana. I can't have a skill if the rules say I can't have. Even if the rules say I'm also good at it. Bleaching the drought won't help. Despite what the rules say, bobsledding through the Vatican is much harder than it looks. I will not make the DM break out the siege rules until my least second level. Even if the dungeon has only one exit, can't just starve the villain out. A black ops is not the appropriate place to declare my Kansas City for mayor. Carpet bombing is not an appropriate specialization for a starting character. The guy with the melted gun doesn't automatically have to carry the popcorn. I do not have time in the black ops to play Tetris with the building lights. The elvish language is not just English with a hell with a lot of lisping. I cannot convert to scottish just for tax purposes. Doing fifty out of forty-five does not cause an alignment check for the paladin. Gods don't tap out. Montaigne aren't required to surrender after the second turn. Eisen first wish didn't appreciate the lap dance. I will keep the fact that King's heraldry looks like a ferret in need of a Heimlich maneuver to myself. Lying about benefits being cut are not going to make the guards too disgruntled to fight back later. I am not he who would not be named only in passing. It is not a race to zero sin. No spending half the game sessions seeing what rhymes with Nier with Ohtup. If I didn't manage to work all the lyrics to 22 Acacia Avenue and character in the game, no bonus XP. If the party goes out like 300 that's cool, Dalma and Louise not so much. When the DM sobers up my paladin's flunk mount is as good as dead. Using my prior knowledge of the adventure to force the game along while encouraged is discouraged, then trotty are not good eating. Emergency supplies are not for childish pranks. The dibs system is not a recognized method of promotion in the Ordo Amaleus. In case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brother on standby. High recoil guns and roller skates are not an accepted method of transportation. You can't find true names in a phone book. If the top floor is too well defended, can't just blow off the necks to the top floor. Can't start the game with echolocation. I will not wait until the first combat to tell the new guide to lower his AC to better. In the middle of a black ops, I don't have time to elope. Wizards do not have to save against carpal tunnel syndrome. My ally advantage in arch enemy flaw can't both represent the same person. If I take a Buddhist monk, I get lots of combat bonuses that I can't use without violating my religion. Any of the rules allow it, can't catch bullets with my pecs. My bard will not take a trombone just so he can attack and use his bard song at the same time. No such thing as preemptive last rites. Any plan that would quickly, logically, and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure. Cannot summon an elemental out of any material that only exists in a laboratory environment. Cannot name my droid, W.E.G-G6. Despite its phenomenal success rate, a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems. When the dwarf has an idea, no making the he's drunk motion behind his back. The paladin does not appreciate us painting his dire tiger green and orange. Like a cow who goes to the well too often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors. Will not blow all my skill points at this ballroom dances. I will remember the Japanese response to uncomfortable situations to giggle, not a kick into Kiwis. The ability to mimic other player's luck powers does not make me a karmic chameleon. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's actions. Even if the rules allow it, can't fish with a flamethrower. I will not insist on playing a lamb pilot just to see if the Robotech lawyers were really serious. Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf. I will not take resources 0 and status 5 and just confiscate money as I need it. Cannot use the requisition skill to get a beach house in the virgin islands, even if Congress can. My sideburns cannot earn their own fear rating. I must sing my kids to sleep before the black ops. I will not sing other characters' kids to sleep before, during, or after the black ops. None of the summon animal spells will get me the drummer from the muppets. No cross-classing just to get all the different animal sidekicks. Will not break into the other player, her three-and-a-half foot elf is not taller than my three-foot six tall gnome. The party will not enter into a taunting that just encourages the evil players. No matter what the rules say, I can't chase the villain around the map indefinitely. When I'm told to get an alias, that didn't mean that chick with the azure bonds. The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves. There is more to playing a fend than cell phones, reindeer, and sniper rifles. Even if I have a salient point, I won't call the Rush Limbaugh show in the middle of a black ops. If I'm playing an alien, I can't have alkaline for blood. Burning ore spell does not cause jock itch. Using the time machine to put W at the front of the alphabet is silly. I will not add to restriction only to cook eggs to any of my superpowers. The island of small breasted fantasy females does not exist. Even if Detroit can do it, I can't add the trait randomly bursting the flames to my car. There is more to stopping a zombie whore than pungy pits. Just because I can doesn't mean I should drop a house on the witch. No amount of dots in fashion will let me use my bio-varg for formal gear. I cannot convince the entire party to play squats. I cannot take a sidekick if all is going to do is trail with a high-powered rifle. Dropping a tree on the lich creates more rules problems than it's worth. My bard will not stop every passing menstrual for a round of dueling banjos. I will not use the ventriloquism skill to deliver bad news to the emperor. Even if the rules allow it, can't add the high-speed pursuit option to a steamroller. I will not turn the DM into a drinking game. No metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells. When playing a teleporter, I will buy the ability to actually teleport. I will not just buy the ability to teleport everybody but me. When I'm out of character, the hand puppets come off. I will not use the time machine to make don't blame me I voted for Tilden bumper stickers. Shooting him in the foot first does not give me a bonus to the ridicule check. Even if historical accuracy is important in the adventure, I will not become the Nazi Nazi. I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown. I will not take the mirror image spell literally and just shoot the wizard as not left-handed. My first wish cannot be to invalidate the previous character's last wish. Despite what the rules say, it doesn't take 45 minutes to choke a 10th level fighter to death. I cannot take the parachute skill until somebody invents the parachute. We are not going through the phone book to see whose name is a killing word either. It is not automatically assumed whatever vehicle my cop commandeers is a monster truck. North Equatorial, Kansas is not a real state. Nowhere in the timeline is Superfly McBoomboom, a U.S. Vice President. No part of the Constitution is written in visible ink. The movie phone guy can't be the voice of the ship's computer. No using the time machine to set the star-spangled banner to anything by white zombie. My canon officer cannot spend his animal acquisition cash to buy two dozen Chihuahuas. I will not shoot a great old one just to say I did it. I will make it abundantly clear that guy playing my mortal enemy is a good friend in real life. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis. I will not wish we were still playing Torg.  My sniper will not kill all the bad guys before the rest of the party is in range. In the middle of black ops, I can't sell my niece's band candy to the hostages. I will tell the news the storyteller wasn't joking about kicking people in the jewels for macking on jailbait. While not lethal, ferris wheels aren't exactly healthy the vampires. Outside of Kingwood Community College, moose antlers do not mean out of character. Stained glass windows are not a standard feature on Panzer tanks. The spell extract water elemental does not work on water elementals. I will not waste critical successes on drumming. I can't use my pistols to communicate a Morse code. There is no patron saint of the Doheka Hedron. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999. There is no such thing as a 37 sexual. We are not sneaking in more to address this tour guides. Even if it does take the thief 10 minutes to search the room, that's not enough time for a quickie. If it's cheaper to buy a new gun and reload the old one, there is a problem. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a belt-fed pistol. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle. The spell is called Prismatic Spray, not Taste the Rainbow. Before we start the dungeon crawl, I don't have to have my monk oiled down. My rogue trader does not need to announce his arrival with 8 hours of orbital bombardment. My mage can't just sleepwalk to get around resting for spells. When the powergamer sleeps, can't move the camp down the road. Can't lure out housely almec warriors by announcing a Chinese fire drill. While highly effective, grabbing a man by a small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned upon. My superhero didn't survive the purge of supers by just playing left-offensive guard for the Detroit Lions. My warhammer does not have a claw part. Can't allow to just blow the support under Menzo Berenzen. No matter how appreciated, I have to have a better superpower than Cure's cancer by touch. I can't spend ship points to put a Starbucks on the bridge. I will stop making up space marine chapters. My Netrunner's icon has to be something other than a space invader's ship. The total lullarian government tends to notice large purges of the cows, trebuchets and surveying gear. The dirty hairy, feeling-lucky punk speech doesn't work with a longbow. During the black ops, all cell phones go unvibrate. My Lunar-class cruiser has more than one bathroom.  Arch-villains don't care about zoning restrictions. No matter how well I roll on my Intimidate Check, France won't surrender. I do not have weapon proficiency in craftsmen. I will not hoard Electrum in 2nd Edition because I know it will be phased out. No Dire Marmot mounts until they publish the rules. Any Menzo Life Day gets everybody a dark side point. My character is not addicted to the feeling, the shindig or love. Not possible to tattoo the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel anywhere in my body. Weapon codes mean bludgeoning, slashing and piercing. Not ballistic, serrated or pneumatic. Wolves have to take the plate mail off before sex. Super Speed gives immunity to friction. Shape changing is an acceptable superpower. Shape changing only into the 93 San Diego Padres is not. Bunk cards are not for 3-card monte. I don't get to play anybody's Shadow. Werewolves normally do not have access to the Sonnet specialization. The opening lyrics to Rock of Ages are not an acceptable substitute to a real plan. No signing infernal contracts and disappearing ink. Can't bluff the Empire at hop with just a whole bunch of snowmen. The Navigator has warped sight, not insane-o vision. Attempting the woo to space elf clown does not turn the adventure into a harlequin romance. I do not have to scan the Romulan ambassador for cuties. Apaches do not settle arguments by Indian leg wrestling. I will tell the new player fantasy games means gnomes and wizards not assless chaps and jumper cables. The DGOS gun is not a real gun. Every time the halfling gets a critical hit, I don't have to feed him a snack. No one in the party gets to name their character Kergan McAskicker. I will not spend 30 minutes with the game trying to buy an accordion. I will stop using crew as hit points. I need to stop telling new players Bards were the original prestige class. Even if the rule of the law it can't take a prestige class at level 4. Even if the rule of the law it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw. Vege of Pygmies are not part of this complete breakfast. The progenitor's job is not just to supply the good stuff. There is no way the iteration X mage is going to make it through airport security. It's not okay to stick the syndicate agent with the check every single time. We aren't calling the NWO agent at odd hours just to answer trivia questions. We will buy a GPS already so we don't have to drag the void engineer everywhere. Rokia do not make Pac-Man noises when they attack. If the solar cringes, it's time to reassess my alignment. Even if the rule of the law it, I can't build myself an Imperator Titan. Black armor is not just a muscle shirt with the word armor stenciled on it. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet. Even if she's the most dangerous, the party doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first. Devils don't appreciate natural 20s on a bargain check.  There is no prize for having the prettiest werewolf. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife. Set the Lopage do not get bonuses to attack Japanese women. Druids have many roles in the party, mine sweepers not one of them.  When told to pick a number between one and ten, the answer is not pie. I cannot have a Bluetooth telegraph. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit. They do not sell tire spikes and KB toys. I cannot kill any man away made famous by Rutger Hauer. Even if I am captain, I can't have my men portrait my frigid. If the GM says 3D6 straight down, he didn't mean it if that gives me a pixie fairy berserker. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire. There is no such thing as boobs plus one. No matter how much they enjoy it, no juggling half-land children. I will stop telling the noob the Star Wars universe celebrates people exploding at the age of twenty-five. Despite what the rules say, a draconese and life preserver is a bad idea. Despite what the mass says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade. I will not take the flaw enemy, Paranoids. Any character even remotely resembling Mr. B natural is dead before the first dice are rolled. If the elf is rolling badly doesn't mean we need to water him. I will not use the Druid's Chakram to play Frisbee with his dire wolf. No using the reduced spell to only buy a child's ticket at the movies. Militech does not have a wedding registry. Can't thwart the Cylon's massive attack just by installing Norton Antivirus. It is bad for him to sing along with the elevator music in a black ops. We're bent away more than a duck. My character's favorite color is not burnt umber hulk. Getting a blue chip for humor does not entitle me to an acceptance speech. If all the players have to pull their D6s so I can roll for initiative, time to retire the character.  Starships do not have to drop anchor. Starfleet's rules on using the holodeck for recreating scenes from Caligula are very clear. I will not blow all my starting cash into his house cats. If plan A was beat it out of him, plan B can't be just asked nicely. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina, my time machine privileges are revoked. No bioengineering dolphins to shoot laser beams out of their blowholes. Animals native to Australia are not eligible for my Druid's companion. Dibs is not a term of bereavement. Even the dwarf of the battering ram is expected, other siege weapons not so much. No giving a character a dumb name so he could pick fights over it later. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut. No matter what it says, my intelligent warple sword is not getting rewarded with a candy bar. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode. Despite precedent, if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard. Even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete-killing sprees dressed like Carmen Miranda. One more bad pun for a character name and I'm forbidden from playing in the furry RPG. I am not one Batman. Any character requiring the GM to tab more than ten pages of rules for references vetoed. And if we're playing in the Old West, can't spend all my money on leather, whips and bard wire. I can't free the cannibals prisoners by starting a food fight with them. Taking down a central crew to the void before payday is non-acceptible cost-cutting measure. No teaching halflings how to fly. My nega magician will not taunt the wage-mage, brayer-rabbit style. The power gamer would appreciate me not bringing the book with the rule he is grotesquely abusing. A warning shot is not one that just wounds him. No using the halfling as a grappling hook. Starting a flame war on the internet is bad. Taking a flame war not on the internet is much, much worse. My halberd deer is not gis-armed and dangerous. The words rock-arper will not appear in any of my wishes. Just because he has specialization and observation skills does that mean he likes to watch. And we just stole all their alkaline chemicals that does not mean all their base belongs to us. Cleaning out the dungeon means Morton is backing up a cement truck to the window. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony. There is no such thing as a bad touch attack. If my rogue trader manages to arrive before he leaves, no cleaning up on the lottery. I will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back to the station. If it takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun. When told to distract the bad guy, did it mean by playing wham over their comm links? When told to distract the bad guy, did it mean by shooting the guy standing next to him? When told to distract the bad guy, did it mean by setting him on fire? Dungeons are not handicapped accessible. Before entering the dungeon, I will take off the I'm With Tasty Tabard. I will remember the incredible luck super power is illegal in Vegas. I will not start dating another character's arch enemy. I cannot start the game radioactive. If an enemy fails a stun check, it does not give me a free hit for flinching. Before I get it on with the green check, I will make sure she is supposed to be that color. Before I sass the power gamer, make sure the other players got my back. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback. No amount of character points lets me start as the Beatles bagpiper. The point of the improvised weapon skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with. Just crossing the fingers behind his back is not an option for my paladin. Snuff-a-kated is not a real way to kill somebody. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check. No making up euphemisms for death. There is no neurotic book of fantasy. Dodge everything while standing still is not a real spell. No following a minute behind gold leader and just shooting down Vader. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the barbarian needs rehab. One-third of the elf homeland GDP does not go to haircare products. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression. True sight doesn't tell me what the NPC's treasure type is. Buying the alternative identity advantage is perfectly legal, unless it's Elvis. When asked to describe my room, can't use smog's layer in the template. The botchery is not a stat. Can't load a shotgun just with rock salt because I'm feeling mean. Yes, Les Paul is a guitar guide. No he cannot grant spells. Can't use the decanter of endless water for water skiing, the jacuzzi, or a wet tabard contest. Andorans are not closely related to smurfs. The astromech appreciates it if we stop using him for ordnance delivery. Even if the rules allow it, lawful good deities don't appreciate human sacrifices to them. Can't clear out a dungeon by sneaking in and running a generator while they sleep. Even if it's historically accurate, can't try to heal someone by cutting them. The time machine is not for finding ringers for our baseball team. Even if we're playing werewolf the Wild West, can't play the lone ranger. If my boss wakes up to find a young Frank Sinatra one American Idol, no more time machine for me. Before anybody makes a demolition check, I will raise my hand if my skill is the highest. In the middle of a black ops, can't play will it bounce with the penthouse furniture?  Even if it's really cool, no throwing dry ice on the water weird. Me and Bison is not an appropriate stunt action. I will not spend all of my starting cash on the stock market.  It is not necessary for the villain to say uncle before I accept his surrender. My martial artist has to actually know a martial art. Can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks after he starved to death. Summon paralegal elemental is not a real spell. The spell Summon Vacuum Elemental is not for household chores. I don't have to name everything we discover after myself. I can't forge out a new elven homeland by conquest unless the elves want a new homeland. Contrary to popular opinion, the girdle of masculinity, femininity does have a noticeable effect on elves. The minute the GM figures out my inquisitor is Lenny Brisco, he dies. No building a gatlin-gatlin gun. My martial art style is vetoed if it is just 30 different ways to hit a guy in the jewels. No matter how well I'm in my animal wrangling role, can't saddle break a Los Diablos. No God's vestments include go-go boots.  When facing the classic weight balance trap, can't use the half-limb for ballast. Can't have a gun that doubles as a jump jet. Large things that hurt badly is not an appropriate focus. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun. If I take the blowgun, I at least have to poison the darts. Even if the rule allows it, can't start a vested-modgenar, Dixie land-band. Gousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory, then setting him on fire is not. We aren't continuing the mission until everyone's clear on the term, going in hardcore. Come here often is not what you say when rescuing the princess from the Necromancer's dungeon. Can't name my rabbit-familiar watershed. There is no par on a dragon. Even if I write it, can't have my own theme song. The rules don't cover laugh tracks. If the villain performs a kind act, can't blackmail him with it later. Klingons don't have a French accent. We aren't relocating the campaign to Texas or Florida for tax reasons. No taunting characters about what they lost in the latest Serata. Can't one-shot major villains just because the writers forgot to give them a basic defense. Contrary to popular belief, mercenaries don't help divorce proceedings. Even if my culture has no spoken language, the campaign will not turn into a game of charades. There was no conspiracy to keep whales out of 7th sea. Can't target microscopic organisms with spells. If my character is a hard-drinking, hard-party and Muslim chick, it's vetoed if she's clearly my ex. A barbarian is not just a fighter with less feet and more anger management issues. Lord Soth just does not need a hug. No summoning octopi to make the sleeping paladin explain all the hickeys. No challenging sleeping people to a duel. No hogging all the brute kills. Calling my shot means where I want to hit him, not where I want him to land. Despite what the module says, not every woman in this campaign is a closet of lesbian. The princess's menstrual cycle doesn't factor into her rescue. Dr. Seuss has no place in the exorcism. Doesn't matter what I just killed with it, the howitzer is not going to qualify for a holy relic. No risking profit factor to buy groceries. Star Destroyers are already baby-proofed. If my character causes Camelot to look like King Lear, he dies. If I just roll the same chart result 8 times in a row, I will lie about the result if I do it again. No spending stunt points to play Yoink Got Your Nose on a genlock. Even if my CO does it, a Unitar is not an appropriate SAS uniform. No starting a character with four swordsmen schools. No, I can't Google the villain's secret weakness. My monk can't convince the bad guys to go stricken with him just so they're easy to beat up later. I can't disarm the monk, at least not literally. I don't have to be faster than the other investigators, they have to be faster than my bullets. If my actions singlehandedly put the drought on the endangered species list, tying to retire the character. No using e-harmy to find a cleric for the party. Can't use a wish spell to make the last Star Wars trilogy not suck. Battle models can't double as Koopsticks. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date. They don't make weapon-grade snazzers. No using goldfish as improvised weapons just to get the dual weapon bonus. I don't have to buy a child seat to take the halfling anywhere. Using nuclear weapons and assassination is just being lazy. No using the friendship virtue to start a harem. Beetle mania is not an acceptable dementia. I will remember replaying 4th edition and stop using my imagination. Distracting the bad guy does not mean with an Aztec bar mitzvah. Some gridsfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities. I can't play an anthropomorphic Homo sapiens. Albanians do not count as furries. I will stop telling people my high elf is just a drought with a bad case of vitiligo. Even if it takes an hour before it's my turn again, can't kill time with solitaire. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair. Can't find a villain just by casting power words stun in the bar and see who's still standing. Can't make the genies head explode until everyone else has had their wish. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars. A comeliness under 15 doesn't mean I can't be on MTV. Can't use party members for anti. Not possible to corner the market on weapons they don't have rules for yet. The halfling language is not just baby speak. I mean the dwarf fixed isn't going to improve his disposition. Can't start every game breaking out of jail. They don't make healing potions and diet. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the power gamer. When challenged for rank, can't make the challenge 1970s NBA trivia. Leave off the chaotic evil alignment on the teaching application. Can't convince the party to play Frankie Goes to Hollywood, not their music, the actual band. The epic villain killing weapon requires a quest to obtain not $35 at Pruett's guns and ammo. I won't mention a celebrity that causes another gamer to go all stalker. Sorry in advance, Jenny Mai. Before we start a band of pirates, make sure the game isn't set in a landlocked nation. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a saber-toothed walrus. Even if I buy enough for everybody, Snuggies alone will not raise crew morale. If I get to pick my position in a star-spanning empire, can't pick Fire Chief. Even if the rules allow it, can't be on good terms with an organization sworn to destroy me. Doesn't matter what I rolled, my orb can't have a space surfboard. Not using any admission from the barbarian as flamethrower fuel. My trolled biography will not include the phr